《Dream Paralysis》
Volume 1 Prologue
Last night, I dreamed that I was a girl.
It wasn¡¯t something I had grasped immediately, but I did recognize that something fundamental had changed within me. Thinking back, I wonder what it was that had tipped me off exactly? It honestly could have been any number of things. Was it the length of my nails? The weight of the hair on my head? The heaviness of my chest? My more vertically challenged build? The strange sensation in my lower region?
Whatever the reason, I couldn¡¯t escape from the feeling that something was egregiously wrong with me.
As I sat up on the unfamiliar, frilly bed sheets that were laid out on the mattress, my eyes drifted around the dark room in search of nothing in particular. Although I had done it in a half daze, this cursory glance had granted me a better grasp of the situation.
Though I casually refer to it as a situation, there were so many things wrong that I almost didn¡¯t know where to begin. Everything was arranged in the completely wrong order, the room was much larger than normal, and, though the room was almost pitch black, I could tell that the walls were a darker color than I remember.
I also spotted a large dressing table where my personal computer would have been, complete with a large mirror, an assortment of glamorous accessories, makeup sets and brushes. All this is to say that this clearly wasn¡¯t even my room.
I hopped off the bed and walked over to the dressing table. Upon arrival, it didn¡¯t take me long to realize the source of the strange feelings I had been besieged by upon waking up. A gorgeous, feminine face had been staring back at me in the mirror. It was a face that belonged to none other than Zoey Brahm¡ªmy classmate, the most popular girl in senior year, and the girl of my dreams.
The reflection of her beautiful face, as well as her normally flowing hair tied into buns, was portrayed in the mirror with almost crystal-clear perfection. It felt too realistic to be a dream. I (she) had been wearing plain teal pajamas. Having only seen her at school in her usual eccentric clothing, homely clothes like these felt like I had entered a forbidden world. It was like the kind of fuzzy feeling that overwhelms you when you get a new puppy. It took me a moment to realize that I had been gawking at myself (Zoey) in the mirror for about two minutes before I caught myself.
The fact that I was dreaming about her wasn¡¯t the strange part. In fact, I had been having lots of strange dreams since I started high school, and ones concerning Zoey in particular were not exactly uncommon. I had been thinking about how to ask her out to the homecoming dance for the entirety of that night before I fell asleep, so I would go as far as to say that it would be strange if I weren¡¯t dreaming about her.
But this was different. This, actually ¡®becoming¡¯ Zoey, holds implications that I am fearful to acknowledge. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder about the type of fantasy I was currently engaged in.
Trying not to dwell on that train of thought for too long, my eyes darted around and found that this appeared to be my mind¡¯s idea of what her room would look like. The place was as neat as could be. She had both a dressing table and a study table, each as tidy as one would expect from someone of her reputation. Her bed was also well-made with a laptop and her phone resting next to the pillow that my (her) head was resting on.
The complete perfection of it all was almost disappointing to me. Why was I hoping for some kind of large, glaring fault in her persona? Did the fantasy of seeing past her supposed superficial diligence excite me?
Well, not that any of it mattered. It was only a dream after all. But since it¡¯s only a dream, I thought, there should be nothing wrong with enjoying this a little.
Without a care in the world, I decided to do a few poses in front of the mirror. I ran through an assortment of expressions, arm gestures, and I even tried different things with my (her) hair. As embarrassing as it is to admit, the experience excited me. I found it a nice change of pace to be stared back at through the mirror by someone so beautiful, and I enjoyed making Zoey wear expressions that I had never seen her wear while looking at me.
I could only smile at myself in the mirror for a few seconds before my (Zoey¡¯s) face turned slightly red with embarrassment. It was apparently still difficult for me to look her in the eyes. I sighed at my own weakness and decided that it was time to find something else to do.
Scanning the room for some more entertainment, my eyes locked onto something interesting, and my feet immediately carried me over. I opened her clothing drawers one by one, scanning the contents until I located the prize at last. A trove filled to the brim with Zoey Brahm¡¯s underwear cast a blindingly radiant light out into the room.
A rainbow of colors danced before my eyes as I shoved my(her) hands through the pile and ruffled through the contents. While my conscience would ordinarily weigh heavily on me in a situation like this, the circumstance of it being a dream made it easy enough to indulge myself. And indulge I did. The sensation of the cloth that had touched that unspeakable part of her body in the past was¡
Unamusing.
Perhaps it was because I had become Zoey herself, but there was nothing arousing about this situation. I was simply going through the motions of rummaging through her underwear due to my curiosity as a teenage boy. But strangely enough, it was not a very appealing act. Not to mention, I had not found a single piece of uniquely erotic underwear in her possession.
I wondered if the version of Zoey Brahm in my head was simply too pure to own any risqu¨¦ panties, but I decided that such speculation was pointless. Whatever the reason for it was, it seemed like her underwear drawer was one that belonged to a girl who hadn¡¯t had a boyfriend.
¡°Boyfriend¡¡±
After uttering the word to myself, I removed the hands from her underwear drawer and shoved it back in immediately. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what her romance life was like. Did she have a date for the homecoming dance? It was in four days, so I thought that if there were any guys who were going to shoot their shots, they would have done it by now.
I turned toward her phone, which laid on top of the frilly, blue bed sheets. It was a dream, sure. But in that moment, it was my reality. It¡¯s possible to feel terror in a nightmare even if you¡¯re aware that it¡¯s a dream. It¡¯s similar to watching a horror movie in that regard. Provided that the fantasy is immersive enough, the suspension of your disbelief in whatever fiction you¡¯re engaged in is almost unavoidable.
And so, even knowing that this was a dream, I decided to allow my curiosity to get the best of me and sift through her phone¡¯s contents. The phone was locked, but I easily unlocked it by tapping into my (Zoey¡¯s) muscle memory. Her phone wallpaper was of a cute, brown Terrier. I thought it suited her, so I smiled warmly.
¡°Let¡¯s see, boyfriend, boyfriend¡¡±
She had been texting a few guys judging by her history, but as far as I could tell, none of them were making any progress with her. Far worse than that, they all seemed to be actively hurting their chances of getting together with her. Some of the text messages were downright creepy.
¡°Oh, what the hell.¡±
It seemed like Benjamin had gotten a hold of her number last month and had been texting her ever since. What to say about Benjamin? Well, he¡¯s a huge asshole for one thing. He makes it a point to belittle anyone who isn¡¯t remotely as popular as he is, but he¡¯s on the basketball team and he¡¯s a pretty good looking guy, so it¡¯s not surprising that he¡¯d be talking to a girl like Zoey.
The texts read like shit though¡
She¡¯d been ignoring him for about five days now, but he was still desperately sending strings of them off one by one, trying desperately to win her over as his date for the homecoming dance. The whole thing was just painful to look at. There was no reason for him to not take the hint and move on, was there? Yet despite how painful it was, I continued scrolling through the messages. I was fascinated. Fascinated by his commitment to winning her over despite the hopelessness of the situation.
And, slowly, that commitment began washing over my initial disgust¡ until eventually, my opinion changed entirely. No, it wasn¡¯t anything as beautiful as admiration. I just felt bad for the guy.
The truth of it is, I could sympathize with how he felt. Zoey really is amazing. I couldn¡¯t say exactly when it was that I fell in love with her, but to me, she¡¯s the definition of poised and graceful. It feels a little selfish to say this, but I really do want her all to myself.
And I could tell that Benjamin felt the same way. He must really love her for a popular guy like himself to send off messages that embarrassing. He was pouring his heart out to the girl that he loves, wasn¡¯t he? So why not then? Why shouldn¡¯t he get the girl?
I decided to send him a text saying that I(Zoey) would go to the dance with him. It¡¯s only a dream after all, and I could see myself in his shoes. Let¡¯s do our good deed for the day right here and make him happy.
After sending the text message, I flopped back onto the bed. Suddenly, all of the excitement and energy I¡¯d felt from being placed into Zoey¡¯s body was drained. Reading all of those text messages left me drowning in a pit of complicated emotions that I needed to sort through.
On one hand, I am a guy, so I understand how the guys who sent those messages felt. It¡¯s really hard to find the right words when texting someone you like. There¡¯s no instruction manual for this romance stuff after all. Not really. When you¡¯re just starting off, you¡¯re either good at it or you¡¯re not, and it really does suck to get rejected by someone you¡¯re interested in despite putting in all that effort to approach the girl that you like.
On the other hand, it was extremely draining to read all those sad attempts at getting together with Zoey. I only did it for about five minutes, but I still felt every ounce of wonder slowly leave my body. How do people handle all of the attention constantly? I think I¡¯d want to run away if I had to deal with it in my everyday life. The flirting, the creepy messages and the expectations of it all led me to believe that Zoey Brahm had to deal with a lot. I almost felt bad for falling in love with her like the rest of them.
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
And as I thought that, I realized that I was just the same as all of them. No, I was worse. Wasn¡¯t I creepily staring at her in the mirror? Didn¡¯t I just go rummaging through her underwear drawer? Where do I get off looking down at the hordes of guys vying for her attention?
The thoughts filling my head were no longer the pleasant thoughts of a teenager who had entered an interesting new world. They were of a boy disillusioned by his own masculinity. This dream of mine had suddenly become extremely boring. I wanted to go back to my own life, where the only attention I had to deal with was my best friend Lance inviting me to play online video games every now and then. The peace and quiet of my life so far had been infinitely better than the hustle of being a popular girl.
That was the conclusion I had come to from this dream. Thinking that, I allowed my consciousness to return to me so that I could begin my day.
---
Nightmares such as these had plagued my dreams ever since I started attending Deer Valley high, but that was the first time I had ever dreamed that I was someone else. It was a strange experience that somehow still felt imbued into my body even after I woke up that morning, but I decided to ignore it and focus on the upcoming day.
It was 6am on the Tuesday of homecoming week. Once awake, I went through my usual morning routine. This generally involved washing my face, having breakfast, and then going out to bike with dad. And so here we are, starting our Tuesday off with our daily bike ride.
¡°Bonding time,¡± he called it. Since I started cooping myself up in my room after school to do home-work and play video games, it quickly became the only real time we got to spend together. It had been our routine since I turned 14 years old, but being 18 now, I think I¡¯ve grown tired of it. The issue is that it had already become our little tradition, so I didn¡¯t want to upset him by asking him to stop.
However, this time was different. While I usually did my best to stay quiet on these things to get them over with as painlessly as possible, there was something I felt like asking him that day, so I was glad that I had the opportunity to speak to him during bonding time.
¡°Hey da-¡°
¡°So! Do you have a girlfriend yet, Tristan?¡± he interrupted me without hesitation.
The lame part about bonding time was that the same conversations would come up like clockwork. How my classes were going, if I had any fun stories from school, my friends¡ and of course, he also made it a point to ask about my non-existent love life.
¡°No dad, still hasn¡¯t happened yet.¡±
¡°Well, that suits you fine,¡± he replied. ¡°Don¡¯t be like those other guys who go out with any old gal just because she¡¯s cute. You have to find someone you REALLY connect with. Someone who¡¯ll stand in your corner in your darkest hour, just like you¡¯ll stand in theirs. Like a best friend.¡±
When he says ¡®those other guys¡¯, an image of Lawrence Young popped into my head. Captain of the basketball team and commonly referred to as ¡°The Law¡±, he was probably the most popular guy at school. He used that popularity to run through the girls at school like he was mowing through a bag of popcorn. Unlike Benjamin, he wasn¡¯t openly mean to anyone so it¡¯s a bit hard for me to hate him, but his reputation as a womanizer certainly does precede him.
¡°Dad, I¡¯m not like that,¡± I said.
Though I tried taking the moral high ground, the truth of it was that it was only out of circumstance rather than my own decision-making. I didn¡¯t know how to get girls to like me in the first place. I had no idea what magical combination of words it was that I should string together, or what facial expressions or body language to use to make girls like me. I didn¡¯t even know how to dress well. I always head over to school in the same jacket shirt and cargo pants combo. How does a guy that clueless about anything realistically become a womanizer?
¡°That¡¯s good son,¡± he nodded. ¡°Just ride it out. You¡¯re still young, you¡¯ll find someone special in time.¡±
The conversation petered out and we continued cycling in silence. It was a bit awkward for him to bring that up since my question was actually related to romance, but I decided to refocus and ask him anyway.
¡°So dad-¡°
¡°Hey by the way,¡± he immediately interrupted, ¡°they¡¯re gonna let me off early every day for the rest of the week. What do you say to movie night with your old man sometime?¡±
Or not.
Well, all the homecoming events are on Friday, but both Wednesday and Thursday were free so there was no reason not to.
¡°Sure dad, we could watch something tomorrow. What did you have in mind?¡±
¡°Have you heard of Taxi Driver before?¡±
¡°Uh, no not really. Is it good?¡±
¡°Oh, it¡¯s fantastic. It¡¯s my Black Panther.¡±
¡°Dad.¡±
¡°What? It really spoke to me when I was your age. Maybe you¡¯re old enough to appreciate it now. ¡®Some day, a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets¡¯.¡±
¡°You¡¯re being embarrassing, dad. Please stop.¡±
¡°Oh, whatever. Come on, it¡¯ll be fun. Just try it.¡±
¡°Yeah, sure dad.¡±
Though I had put on a tough front, the truth is that I liked watching movies with dad. It doesn¡¯t happen all that often, but I cherish that moment when the movie ends, and we start talking about what we liked and disliked.
Because of our movie nights, I became surprisingly adept at analyzing literature, and my teachers were increasingly satisfied by my contributions to class discussions. The ability to read through subtext and find the true meaning of a story is something I owed to dad. He would always pick great movies, and he is very articulate when it comes to expressing his thoughts on them.
We continued pedaling through the streets. A few of the neighbors waved at us, clearly used to seeing us on our biking routine in the morning. They usually greet us with warm smiles every morning when we pass by. I guess the thought of a father and son spending that much time together was a heartwarming sight. For me, it was just a little embarrassing, though.
¡°So anyway son, you were about to say something earlier?¡±
I realized suddenly that he did hear me, and that he might have just interrupted me as a joke. It certainly wasn¡¯t out of character for him, but I decided to ignore it.
¡°Oh, uh. I was just going to ask how you and mom started going out.¡±
It was an uncomfortable question for me. The idea of my parents being romantic in any way kind of grosses me out to an unimaginable degree, so I try not to think about it under normal circumstances. But at that point, I decided that any frame of reference would be helpful.
My mom is conventionally good-looking, and she has enough style to get my friends back in middle school to act like idiots whenever they came over. So if you asked me, she¡¯s way out of dad¡¯s league. He¡¯s like the biggest dork I know. If he can get the girl of his dreams, then so can I, right?
¡°Wow, really? We haven¡¯t told you about it yet?¡± he asked.
¡°Nope, never.¡±
¡°Oh geez, isn¡¯t that something. Well, uh... Oh shucks! I just remembered, I have a meeting today and I need to prepare the material.¡±
It certainly wasn¡¯t the most graceful change of subject, but I gave him an E for effort.
¡°Do you not want to talk about it?¡±
He laughed with a hint of resignation, then looked down at the street to ponder for a moment.
¡°Well son,¡± he began, ¡°it was at a college house party.¡±
I laughed.
¡°Really? A party? You, dad?¡±
¡°Hey now. Believe it or not, your father was quite the animal back in his day.¡±
Judging by the excessive bravado in his voice, I didn¡¯t think that he was much of an animal at all, but it was probably better to take his word for it.
¡°So, what happened?¡±
He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts.
¡°Yes well, everyone was drinking and dancing, having a good time. You know how these things go.¡±
I didn¡¯t, but I decided not to correct him.
¡°Your mom was there. She was just sitting there on the couch, chatting with her friends and having a few drinks. At the time I didn¡¯t know her very well, but I did think she was quite the attractive young woman. Anyway, uh¡ another young man like myself decided to approach her. One of those alpha male types from back in the day. From the slimy hair to the leather jacket, the guy looked like he was trying out for a Grease audition. Anyway, when the two of them lock eyes, he starts off with some real flirty conversation, like he knows she¡¯ll fall for him if he just says the right words. But she doesn¡¯t. She¡¯s not interested at all. Your mom¡¯s smarter than to get reeled in by some shallow guy like that. But he doesn¡¯t take the hint, that guy, and he decides to get more forward with her. He starts getting handsy. I¡¯m a ways away, but even I can tell she looks uncomfortable.¡±
¡°With mom¡?¡±
An uncomfortable feeling began to well within the pit of my stomach. His story made me anxious, but I was far too invested to say anything.
¡°Yep. And your old man was, well, a little drunk. I wouldn¡¯t have done anything ordinarily. I might have a strong sense of justice, but I don¡¯t really have much courage to go alongside it. Anyway, that night I happened to be drunk, so I walked right up to him and said, ¡®hey, you leave her alone buddy¡¯.¡±
I nodded at his recollection of what happened, so focused that I almost forgot that I was riding a bike.
¡°And he looks amused that I¡¯m even there. Like he thinks I¡¯m a clown who should just stay in his lane. I mean, maybe I was. They could¡¯ve been dating and this was just their dynamic or something, right? What do I know? But I didn¡¯t want to risk anything. If there was even a sliver of a chance that she was being made to feel uncomfortable, I wanted to put a stop to it. That was how I felt at that time. Things escalated in any case and he confronts me. Stands right in my face with this, this cocksure grin. And I don¡¯t know. Something about that face of his¡ I-I just lost it. I don¡¯t know why. Something in my head just snaps, and I throw a right hook. Pow! Right in the jaw. He reels back, almost gets knocked off his feet. He looked surprised that I did it, and so did everyone else at the party. They started cheering for me. No one, I mean NO one expected me to do something like that.¡±
I was genuinely surprised. My dad? In a fight over a girl? In my 18 years of life, I had never pictured him doing something like that. I looked over at him in excitement.
¡°Yeah? And then? What happened?¡±
At my question, my father only smiled.
¡°What happened? He beat the crap out of me!¡±
¡°Of course,¡± I laughed with a sigh of disappointment.
¡°Oh, but see, that wasn¡¯t important. Because your mom, you know? She really appreciated it. Thought it was cool, even. Boy, what a first impression that was, huh? Little did she know that I only did it because I just happened to be so drunk and loose at the time.¡±
I smiled bitterly and looked down at the concrete as my tires smoothly glided across it. It was a heartwarming story. It had given me a newfound appreciation for my parents¡¯ relationship. A man overcoming his own fear to stand up for something bigger than himself, and the respect he was afforded because of it. I didn¡¯t regret asking the question.
However¡
¡°So why¡¯d you ask all of a sudden? Just curious?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh¡ well. To be honest, there¡¯s a girl I¡¯ve been thinking about asking to the dance on Friday.¡±
¡°Oh. Well, I don¡¯t know if that story will help much. I don¡¯t recommend knocking teeth the way I did, it was only a coincidence how it turned out.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°But listen, son. If there¡¯s a single piece of advice I think you should treasure when it comes to women, it¡¯s this: Just be yourself. You don¡¯t want to date someone who doesn¡¯t like the real you, do you?¡±
¡°But what if the girl I like doesn¡¯t like the real me?¡±
¡°Then she¡¯s not worth your time, is she?¡±
He pressed down on the brakes as we finally arrived back at home.
¡°You¡¯re a good kid, Tristan. And I¡¯m not just saying that because you¡¯re my son either. You¡¯ve got a good head on your shoulders. You¡¯re kind, smart, and most importantly, you¡¯re passionate. I mean, your love for movies is almost as great as my own! Loving things that much means that you have character, and I¡¯m sure whoever that girl is would be lucky to have you.¡±
¡°Thanks dad.¡±
I smiled bitterly. My father¡¯s loving words filled my heart with complicated emotions.
I was happy to know that he loves me, and I knew he meant well, but I just didn¡¯t see it.
I didn¡¯t understand how Zoey could ever love a boring guy like me.
Volume 1 Chapter 1 - I
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Volume 1 Chapter 1 - II
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The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
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Volume 1 Chapter 1 - III
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The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
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"Uhm, yea. That''s generally what photography means."
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Volume 1 Chapter 1 - IV
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This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
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Volume 1 Chapter 1 - V
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A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
Ben, I think I made a mistake, I don¡¯t think we¡¯re a very good match for one another. I¡¯m sorry, but I¡¯m breaking up with you.
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I¡¯m sorry for ruining your day today.
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someone else¡
couldn¡¯t
They were all pictures of me.
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Volume 1 Chapter 1 - VI
¡°You okay, Trist?¡± Lance asked.
He meant well, I know he did. But sadly, I was not okay. I was far from it. I couldn¡¯t sleep very well after the nightmare I had last night, and my body still felt groggy from not getting enough hours.
I leaned over my desk and heaved a heavy sigh. The repeated dreams about Zoey were only rubbing salt into my wounds. After all, as much as I loved to entertain the fantasy of looking into her life and playing the superhero who saved her from Ben, it didn¡¯t change the fact that she had a boyfriend.
And that I even entertained that night¡¯s dream as anything but was just proof of how obsessive I had become over her. Getting over her was becoming more and more important by the minute.
¡°Good going yesterday, by the way. We made decent gains, and you played pretty well too! I¡¯m feeling confident about the next week.¡±
I wasn¡¯t in the mood for Dota talk, so I decided to ignore him.
¡°Glad you stopped playing Techies too. Dogshit hero, honestly. Valve really needs to do something about him.¡±
I did need to get over Zoey though, so perhaps having one of those abstract metaphysical conversations that Lance loves so much wouldn¡¯t be such a bad idea. My thought process was that it might help me to forget about all of those complicated things.
¡°So hey, do you remember that thing you were talking about yesterday?¡±
He raised his eyebrows.
¡°Thing? What thing? We talked about a lot of things yesterday.¡±
¡°You know, about having sex in heaven or whatever.¡±
¡°Huh? Oh, that. What about it?¡±
¡°So, I was thinking. Maybe it wouldn¡¯t be that kind of hedonistic sex, but maybe you could make love to your lifelong partner in heaven? You know, since dedicating yourself to one partner is a very Christian thing.¡±
¡°Huh? I was just joking man. Heaven¡¯s pleasures are completely spiritual. Physical pleasure has no place over there.¡±
¡°Lance, what the hell. Why¡¯re you being such a downer, suddenly? Are hypotheticals only fun to entertain when you¡¯re the one starting the conversation?¡±
¡°What? Ugh, okay listen dude. If we¡¯re talking about what Heaven actually represents in the bible¡¡± His sentence abruptly ended as his focus diverted to someone approaching us from the class doorway on my right. The expression he was wearing was a cocktail of curiosity and clear confusion.
¡°Hey, mind if I sit in?¡± And as a familiar voice appeared out of nowhere, I immediately understood why.
¡°Huh?¡±
I turned around to find Zoey Brahm standing right next to me.
¡°You¡ wanted help with your paper, right?¡± She looked around, as if to signal that people were listening.
¡°Oh? O-oh, yeah. Yeah sure. Yeah, take a look.¡±
Without thinking, I gestured for her to take a seat at my desk, then opened my notebook up to the page where I had most of my plans for the paper. She accepted the invitation with a smile by pulling a chair over to the desk and taking a seat to the right of it. The faint scent of cinnamon filled my nostrils as she drew closer, and my eyes focused in on the strands of her hair that hung over her face as she leaned in to study my notebook.
¡°The French Revolution? Kind of a clich¨¦d topic for a paper, no?¡±
¡°You think so?¡±
¡°Little bit.¡± She quietly perused through my notes for a moment. She seemed to be gathering her thoughts while examining what I had put together so far.
To be honest, I had only been giving that paper the bare minimum of attention for the sake of my grade, so it was kind of embarrassing to have her go through it so studiously. But I wasn¡¯t complaining. I didn¡¯t care why she had suddenly decided to come follow through with the excuse she made yesterday. I was just glad to be able to spend some time with her.
¡°Mmm. Okay so, here¡¯s my opinion. If you¡¯re going to dissect the story of the French Revolution, you need to do it through the framing that it¡¯s really just the climax of the Age of Enlightenment. And so, in that sense, I think I¡¯d start by looking into the French thinkers of the time like Rosseau, Voltaire, Diderot and Montesquieu. Nothing too detailed, just enough to get a general idea of the thought that set the stage for the new era of Europe. Then, I¡¯d talk about how some of those ideas led to an increase in education among peasants, and how that birthed medical and industrial advances around Europe, which led to population growth and increased standards of living. Then, I think for the final point to drive home the issue, I¡¯d talk about how all of this growth bottle-necked under the feudal system. This stunted growth led to the general, more educated populace deciding that, in order to fully embrace these ideas of enlightenment, a great change was necessary that could only be enacted through violent revolution against the noble class.¡±
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
She had put it all quite eloquently. Her intelligence was put on display before Lance and I with such grace, and yet I barely took in a word that she said. All I could think about was how attractive that intelligence was.
¡°Uh¡ wow. Yeah no, totally.¡± I could only mutter that response in awe as I tried to pretend that I followed along.
¡°Oh, sorry. That¡¯s probably a lot. Here, I¡¯ll just write the key points down for you.¡±
She leaned over and began writing in my notebook. Her hair drooped forward slightly, exposing the pale nape of her neck.
It was hard not to marvel at how casually attractive she is. Even though she was supposed to be helping me with my paper, my mind couldn¡¯t help but drift into a fantasy land where the two of us were a couple. It would complete me if such a dream could become my reality.
¡°Oh man, what was that rambling about? You sound like a complete moron right now.¡±
Lance, however, did not seem to have the same opinion of her. He openly disparaged her interpretation of the events of the French Revolution. This, however, only seemed to pique her curiosity as she turned to face him with a playful grin.
¡°Oh? Did I say something wrong?¡±
¡°No, I think you mostly got it right. Your tone just annoys me. I mean, you¡¯re talking about one of the bloodiest, most gruesome things to ever happen in the world up until that point and yet you can¡¯t help but sound like you¡¯re glorifying it like the second coming of Christ. Ever heard of the Reign of Terror? The Revolutionaries beheaded anyone who even remotely resembled what they considered an enemy of the revolution. I think they must¡¯ve killed thousands of people for no reason, and yet the revolution is heralded as this heroic achievement that was necessary for the freedom of the people. What freedom? Since when is paranoia-fueled mass murder the act of a hero?¡±
At his words, she only sighed and recentered her focus back on writing cliff-notes for us.
¡°Whatever it is you think you heard in my voice is probably just your imagination. It¡¯s a school paper. There¡¯s no need to get this worked up about it.¡±
¡°Yeah? So you don¡¯t think our education plays a part in our interpretation of world events? What happens when there¡¯s another recession and all the morons out there who took World History in high school decide that they¡¯d like to have their own ¡°glorious revolution¡± against the US government? Do you think any of them will be prepared to face the bloody reality of war?¡±
¡°Maybe not. But that still has nothing to do with me.¡±
¡°You live in this country too.¡±
¡°Are you seriously upset about this?¡±
¡°I am upset. And you should be too. Kids spend 6 hours a day at school. If we¡¯re all brainwashed into thinking that revolutions like this are a great thing, then of course we¡¯ll be fighting another pointlessly bloody civil war somewhere down the road. And then what? This country will burn to the ground with nothing to show for it.¡±
She turned back to face him.
¡°And what are you going to do then? Are you going to change the system? Make it your life¡¯s mission to get a job as a historian and rewrite history books so that people learn to appreciate this great time of peace more? Or are you going to become the Secretary of Education and single-handedly force accreditors to change the standards for history curriculums across the country? What kind of grand narrative have you written for yourself in that head of yours that justifies this anger, I wonder? I¡¯m sorry, you can go ahead and chase that fairy tale for the rest of your life if it makes you feel good about yourself, but please don¡¯t drag me into it. I¡¯m just a high school girl. All I care about are cute boys and the As on my report card.¡±
¡°And I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be clutching that report card tightly when the streets are covered in the blood of your own countrymen.¡±
She smiled and returned to my notebook. ¡°Of course I will. I¡¯m not going to hell with Ds in my report card.¡±
I tilted my head at the conclusion that she¡¯d be going to hell, but I decided against saying anything. It seemed that Lance had grown bored of their argument, because he decided against pushing further and simply turned around to play with his phone.
Outside of the scribbling of the pen on my notebook, our little corner of the classroom fell completely silent.
¡°And¡ there, all done.¡±
She put the pen down and smiled at me once she finished. It was a smile like the one in the mirror of my dream, and it all but completely melted my heart. A girl that could hold her own with Lance¡¯s annoyingly snarky tongue, with a smile that breathtakingly beautiful, seemed too perfect to be true.
¡°Thanks.¡±
¡°No worries.¡±
After saying those words, she took a moment to stare deep into my eyes, as if searching for something. I met her gaze for a few moments, deciding to appear confident to her, but the pressure was too much for me and I eventually ended up looking away.
Her radiance was too much for a guy like me.
¡°Oh, hey.¡±
¡°Hmm?¡±
Just as I was thinking that this might be the best moment of my high school career, I caught a glance of her doing something that I really wish I hadn¡¯t seen. In her hand was a creased piece of paper that I almost immediately recognized. She looked down at it, then shifted her gaze to my notebook.
I tried my best to deny the reality before me.
To tell myself that the piece of paper before me wasn¡¯t what I was thinking.
¡°Zoey¡?¡± I muttered. The sound of the classroom slowly phased out of my ears. In their place, was a hollow ringing that seemed to shake every cell in my body.
Even though a situation where I¡¯m interacting normally with Zoey should be something worth celebrating, I could do nothing but panic.
After all, that piece of paper she was reading alongside my notes¡
Served as undeniable proof.
¡°Okay, thanks.¡±
She folded the piece of paper and slipped it into my notebook. The ringing faded and sound returned to my world. In its place was the sound of my heart beating rapidly against my rib cage. She closed the notebook with one hand and yawned.
¡°If you need help with anything else just let me know, okay?¡± I stared at her in silence anxiously before remembering to talk.
¡°Oh, uh. Yeah.¡±
Leaving me with those words, she returned the chair to its proper position and walked off to her seat. I want to say that I was relieved, but I was more so worried about what that all meant.
¡°Your girlfriend¡¯s kind of a bitch, Trist.¡±
¡°Uh¡ yeah. Whatever, man.¡±
My mind didn¡¯t even process what he had just said to me. I immediately brushed it off and picked up the notebook. I couldn¡¯t let Lance see it if my premonition was correct.
Without thinking, I quickly lifted the book up so that it would stand tall like a shield, then opened it up to the page it was on just seconds ago. And as I did, a folded piece of paper with lots of creases fell out onto my desk.
I couldn¡¯t believe it.
Carefully, I picked the piece of paper up and began to unfold it.
And¡
I held my breath.
The words were there, without any room for misinterpretation.
I¡¯m sorry for ruining your day today.
Reality crashed down upon me.
I was forced to accept it.
It wasn¡¯t a dream.
But¡ but somehow...
Somehow, that wasn¡¯t even the worst part.
Underneath those words was an entirely new message in a different set of handwriting.
Photography clubroom. 10am.
My heart almost leaped out of my chest.
She knew.
Volume 1 Chapter 2 - I
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
It was like sleep paralysis.
That¡¯s the only way I can think to describe it. The horrifying sensation of suddenly losing control still lingered in my mind. For just a few minutes, I was but a spectator to whatever whims the demonic creature that entered my body wished to act upon.
The sense of relief I felt after waking up from that nightmare was a high like walking out of a movie theater at the end of a good horror flick. Though, that high was shorter lived than I would have liked.
If only it were just a nightmare, right? Just the silly musings of my subconscious taking form in the shape of a cruel joke. Though, if it were my subconscious, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder why I would do such a thing in my own dream. In the first place, I¡¯ve never once felt pity for any man who has made a pass at me.
And why should I? Why should I feel guilty that their delusions of who I am caused them to fall in love with me? Do any of them know the real me? Of course not.
Should I acquiesce to their desire for a relationship out of sympathy rather than accepting the truth? The truth that I would rather crawl over searing coals than go out on a single date with any one of them?
No, that isn¡¯t me.
If there¡¯s one ubiquitous law that¡¯s surrounded my existence since I was born, it¡¯s that I respect myself far too much to be subjected to something I¡¯d rather not do. I would never commit such a brutal act of self-harm as by going out with someone that I dislike.
And yet, in that dream, I texted Benjamin Otto and affirmed my desire to go to the homecoming dance with him.
What a cruel joke.
Made crueler by the fact that, upon waking up, I had come to the stunning realization that it wasn¡¯t simply a dream at all. The text message had existed in reality, and he had already responded confirming that we would be partners from hence onward. It seemed as if my nightmare had done the impossible and traversed past the walls of my subconscious.
I couldn¡¯t understand it. Did I sleep-text him? Why or how would I even be capable of this?
I haven''t done a sleep-anything in my life before, much less a sleep-text. In fact, I haven''t even heard of something like that ever happening. So what exactly happened?
Uh, hello? Are you even listening to me?¡±
Whatever the case, that incident led me to this situation.
Classes were over for the day, and Gwen Diaz decided to take it upon herself to interrogate me right outside of the school¡¯s main entrance over my completely unwanted relationship with Benjamin.
The whole thing was a farce.
The other students walked past us in silence, doing their best to feign disinterest, but it was fairly obvious thanks to their poorly disguised gazes that they were eavesdropping. I turned back to face Gwen.
I¡¯m sorry, who are you?¡±
Very funny, bitch.¡±
Her left eye twitched as she did her best to smile off my snide remark. ¡°No more games, okay? Just tell me why you¡¯re going out with Ben.¡±
I couldn¡¯t help but wonder how much it pained her to do this. To not only be this much of a stereotype, but to also parade yourself as such before the entire student body. It honestly felt like a caricature of Gwen. A portrayal of a preppy, fun-spirited girl turned deranged stalker over her abusive ex-boyfriend.
If it were me, I¡¯d die of embarrassment.
Then again, is Gwen the kind of person to even have enough self-awareness to realize how bad it looked for her?
Why do people date, Gwen? I don¡¯t know, you tell me.¡±
So you do know who I am.¡±
Unfortunately.¡±
Oh, it will be unfortunate if you keep playing smart with me.¡±
Calm down."
No, you calm down. Just quit it with all the passive aggressive bullshit and¡ you know what, actually? Let¡¯s just skip the small talk. Why don¡¯t you just do us both a favor and break up with him. By tomorrow. Or else.¡±
She had cut right to the chase.
Her offer honestly wasn¡¯t a bad one. By tomorrow? I was considering doing it before the day was out. I entertained the novelty of the situation with Benjamin for a while, but as I thought, I wasn¡¯t the biggest fan of being that confined and controlled by someone I don¡¯t care for.
Especially not to the extent that he takes it. Not even my own parents bothered to look over my shoulders as much as he did. He would get upset if I so much as made eye contact with other guys, he constantly, and I mean constantly texted me, and he tried making like a million plans to go out on dates just this week alone.
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It¡¯s a wonder that he gets across the basketball court carrying that many red flags around. And this was without talking about how he smacked the barbie doll over there while they were dating. So why not break up with him then? Well, what changed my mind was a conversation I had with a certain student earlier that day.
Or else? Or else what?¡± I asked.
Yeah? You really wanna go there? You think I don¡¯t have shit on you, Zoey? You try so hard to be likable, but oh, if only they all knew who you really are deep down.¡±
If only I were so lucky,¡± I said, turning my attention back to the entrance.
And there, I saw him.
That boy.
It¡¯s all his fault that I didn¡¯t simply break it off with Benjamin during lunch. What he said to me back then had stuck out to me. The way he spoke about my situation was far too accurate to be written off as merely a coincidence.
It was suspicious. Why had he chosen to speak to me for the first time in our high school careers on today of all days? Why did he tell me a story that was so comparable to my situation?
It was eerily suspicious. In fact, it led me to believe that something stranger than I initially believed had happened last night. Perhaps I was being paranoid. Something like that is far too supernatural an idea to entertain. But the sensations I¡¯d felt during that dream were far too real to ignore.
Hypothetically, what if my body was ¡°hacked¡±? What if someone else had taken control of me in the midst of my sleep, and decided to have me accept Ben¡¯s advances? I thought back to my actions during that dream. They¡¯re strangely vivid in my mind, even at this moment.
I woke up, glanced around the room, studied myself in the mirror, assailed my clothing drawers, checked my phone, sent the message, then went back to sleep. Those aren¡¯t the actions of someone with an agenda. It¡¯s almost like they were trying to get a grasp of their situation. When you combine it with the fact that I felt so helpless in my own dream, it felt possible. Possible, really? Was my body actually hacked that night?
Hey, look at me when I¡¯m fucking talking to you!¡± She grabbed my shoulders and shook me violently for a second. The sudden assailing of my personal space left me disheveled for a moment, and I adjusted my glasses before turning back to face her.
Let go of me.¡±
Yeeeah, that¡¯s more like it. Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face, you fucking whore."
Gwen. You¡¯re not listening to me,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m only going to repeat myself once: let go of me.¡±
Yeah? Or what?¡± she asked.
Are you sure you want me to repeat it a second time?¡±
Despite being threatened, Gwen stared straight into my eyes with a deranged smile stretched across her face. As if she were enjoying every second of making me uncomfortable. It¡¯s like she was daring me to try something in front of all these people. I glanced around, and it was apparent that other students had gone from pretending not to eavesdrop on us to stopping occasionally and whispering to one another as they cast us lengthy glances.
With how little she apparently cared about appearing absolutely unhinged to everyone else, it would probably be a bad idea to keep egging her on. It might have been a safe bet to just let her have her fun and later let the chips fall where they may. I was definitely the victim in that situation, and she¡¯d easily be appraised by the student body as a complete lunatic if she continued escalating.
But, even knowing that, for some reason, I couldn¡¯t stand the idea of letting her have her way with me like this. So, with that selfish thought propelling me forward, I grabbed her right hand and plunged my lengthy nails deeply into her skin.
Ow!!! What the fuck!¡± Her body reeled back from the sudden shock. ¡°Fucking Christ! Why¡¯d you do that?!¡±
Self-defense.¡± With a cold expression, I glanced past the crowd of people who had suddenly turned to face us and stared back at the school. The boy had left. He had probably already boarded his bus to head home.
Yeah?! Self-defense?¡± Her voice shook as she uttered the words, as if trying to rally support from the murmuring onlookers. ¡°I¡¯ll show you self-defense, you fucking...¡±
But just as she moved forward, a tall, male frame stepped in between us. ¡°Woah there.¡±
I recognized him as the captain of the basketball team, Lawrence Young.
Get the fuck out of my way.¡±
Noooo can do, Gwen. I think you¡¯ve had enough fun for today.¡±
You don¡¯t get to say when I¡¯ve had enough. I don¡¯t need you protecting Zoey just because of your stupid little crush on her.¡±
Oh, is that true Lawrence?¡± I grinned playfully. ¡°Do you still have feelings for me?¡±
Out of respect for Ben, I¡¯m going to have to plead the fifth.¡± He returned my smile before putting his hand on Gwen¡¯s back.
Lawrence is very conventionally attractive. He¡¯s tall, he has jet-black hair, a nice jawline, pearly whites, and his face is usually cleanly shaven. Honest to god, he looks like he belongs in one of those Korean boy bands that everyone seems to be into. He¡¯s any girl at this school¡¯s idea of a dream guy. In fact, if his reputation with women weren¡¯t what it was, he would have piqued my interest romantically too.
But my relationship with him would have to be a story for another day.
Hey, don¡¯t touch me! I¡¯m not done with her!¡± Gwen screamed.
Yeeeaaaah, I think you are. Let¡¯s get you to your car.¡±
God! Fuck you!¡±
She half resigned herself to The Law and decided to let him guide her over to the parking lot. This ordinarily would have been a relief for me, who wanted nothing more than to avoid any unnecessary conflicts with other students. However, this time, him doing that was an inconvenience.
Hey,¡± I called out to them. And as I did, I thought back to my insane theory about the boy. About how he might have hacked my body.
You win. I¡¯ll break up with him.¡±
As if synchronized, the two of them both stared back at me with puzzled expressions.
The thought of my brain being hacked by another human being was a bit out there, I¡¯ll admit it. If I were to talk to someone about it, I think the natural, more logical explanation they would offer me is a theory somewhere in line with me sleep-texting Benjamin. It¡¯s something of course, I personally chose to toss out the window, but it does fit the bill far easier than this supernatural body-hacking theory of mine.
However, that boy is not a normal boy.
If it were anyone else, I would have simply brushed it off as a coincidence. Something like, he just happened to guess how uncomfortable the relationship made me and spoke based on that.
But with him, with Tristan, I can¡¯t simply shake it off as something so convenient. Not after that time all those years ago. And even without that being the case, it didn¡¯t change the fact that he seemed to be uniquely aware of my circumstances, and that the loss of control I felt in that dream was a very real phenomenon.
That¡¯s why I decided to move forward on that assumption, and took note of who he was like I had done with so many others before. I only had a few hours, but I trailed him to the best of my abilities.
Studied him.
And if I were to go off what I had found out, then he was just an ordinary student. But the Tristan I knew was anything but an ordinary student. And an ordinary student couldn¡¯t do something like hack my consciousness. No, only something like a demon could. That¡¯s why I decided to set that trap. If it truly was something as supernatural as dream hacking, then this should do it.
Tristan.
You sounded like you understood me.
In your own roundabout way, you chose to empathize with my situation and ease the pain of those circumstances. I admire you for that kindheartedness. Really, I do. However, there¡¯s one thing you¡¯ve misunderstood about me. The reason I didn¡¯t break up with him on the spot wasn¡¯t because I felt guilty. After all, I don¡¯t believe in guilt. I just thought it was fate that things turned out that way, and decided to try it out. And I¡¯m glad that I did, because that fate has led me to you.
Now, come to me.
Come, so that I might find out how deep this rabbit hole goes.
My little dream paralysis demon.
Volume 1 Chapter 2 - II
It was 10am on the dot when I arrived at the front door of the photography club room. Despite it already being my fourth year at Deer Valley High, and despite the relative popularity of this club¡¯s services, I hadn¡¯t ever been inside before. The photography club at this school handles a wide variety of responsibilities.
They assist in the creation of school IDs, they¡¯re in charge of taking photographs at school events like general homecoming festivities and sports games, and they usually work alongside the newspaper club by taking photos for their articles.
The person who created this proactive version of the photography club is none other than Zoey Brahm, thanks in part to her passion for taking pictures. Due to the quality of the cameras at her disposal and her use of other complicated types of equipment, her shots became quite popular among students for their personal use on social media.
You could argue that due to her influence, the social media profiles at this school on average are of a higher quality than that of normal high schooler¡¯s. It¡¯s easy to see how someone like that managed to become so popular despite not participating in any traditional extra-curricular activities.
But none of that mattered really. My reason for being here was far more important than Instagram photos. It was arguably a matter of life or death. After all, she had realized it before I did.
That what I did wasn¡¯t just a dream, but had happened in reality.
I had become Zoey. For two nights in a row, I was the most popular girl at school.
I couldn¡¯t think of any reason for such a supernatural turn of events. Was it possible that we had some kind of psychic connection? I wasn¡¯t sure what else it could be. I did spend the last two nights obsessively thinking about her. But could that really have been it? I have never heard of crushing on someone so hard that you ¡®become¡¯ them. Still, it was hard to ignore the facts. She confirmed it right there in front of me by leaving me with the note I made in that dream. And in return, she asked for an audience with me.
To be honest, I was afraid to think about what would happen once I entered that room, but I couldn¡¯t just not do it. There was no telling what would happen if I turned back. She had the upper hand. In my mind, my best bet would probably be playing the middle road and hearing what she had to say, all while maintaining plausible deniability. It was the safest option for getting out of it. Lance might be right about me always taking the easy way out, but it was all I could come up with on the spot.
Affirming my resolve to ride the line, I decided to take a deep breath before knocking on the door. The ringing in my ears wouldn¡¯t stop. The reality of the situation was beginning to sink in. The girl of my dreams was going to confront me over my crimes. I was terrified. I didn¡¯t want her to hate me for it.
The door slowly creaked open without warning.
I gulped and stood up straight, anticipating finally coming face to face with Zoey and repenting for my sins.
However, what I was greeted by wasn¡¯t her face, but a pale arm quickly stretching out from the small opening in the door.
Huh?¡± I felt my wrist being grabbed, and I was quickly tugged through that small gap. ¡°I-¡±
Before I could say anything after being sucked into the room, my mouth was immediately covered by a small hand. The subtle cinnamon scent invaded my nostrils once more. Zoey held my mouth shut as she peeked through the crack in the door.
Were you followed? Does anyone know that you¡¯re here?¡±
It surprised me how careful she was about our meeting, but I decided to play along and shook my head.
Okay.¡±
She released me from her grasp and quietly closed the door. I didn¡¯t think anyone would be walking around the halls at 10am. There were usually classes going on around this time after all. In fact, the only reason I bothered to show up at all was because my life was in jeopardy over what she knew. She might be a bit too paranoid.
Once inside, I cast a cursory glance around the photography room.
There were sofas set up next to the door alongside a single table. The part of the room next to the door was probably a lounge area for guests and club members to relax at when they had nothing else to do. I also spotted a computer setup a few feet away from that, which I imagined was used for any digital tasks involving the photographs taken.
But the thing that stood out the most was the large, black curtain that sectioned off half of the room. It was probably used as a backdrop for taking photographs while masking off any unnecessary light, but it still stood out to me as eerie. It was like a black hole was sitting in the middle of the room. And at the center of all these things, stood Zoey.
The first thing I noticed was that she wasn¡¯t wearing the glasses she wore that morning. I supposed that she must¡¯ve switched back to contacts sometime in-between. She had her hand resting against her chin while she casted an inspecting gaze in my direction that left me feeling unusually self-conscious.
Really, I could do nothing but look away when faced with a look like that.
Uhm¡ Why did you call me here?¡± I barely got the words out, but I couldn¡¯t just stand in silence while she inspected me with her all-powerful gaze.
Why did I call you here¡¡± Her eyes never left me. She merely uttered the words while in a daze of complete concentration, as if she never even heard me at all. ¡°Why did I call you here¡ Why did I¡¡± And as if snapping out of her trance, she blinked for what might have been the first time since I entered the room.
Oh, right. Wait here.¡± With nothing but those words, she left me at the door and rushed behind the ominous, black curtain.
I couldn¡¯t imagine what it was that she was doing back there, but seeing her disappear suddenly did nothing to soothe my anxiety. I twiddled my thumbs nervously, too uneasy about the situation to even take a seat. After a moment of shuffling occurred behind the curtains, she popped her head out.
She gestured for me to stay quiet by placing one of her index fingers on her lips, while using her other hand to beckon me towards the curtains.
After gulping nervously, I nodded my head and walked over to her.
As I made my way past that black barrier, I was greeted by a rather underwhelming sight. There was nothing there except for a camera sitting atop a tripod stand, with its lens pointed straight towards a stool that stood against the black backdrop of the curtain.
It was very likely that that place is where the school IDs are taken, but it was hard to imagine what she was planning by leading me there. Before I could even think to ask what¡¯s going on, she stuck close to my back.
Uh¡¡±
Shh.¡±
I felt her hand slip into my pants pocket. I hadn¡¯t even realized that she had reached down there, but the sudden realization caused my face to burn up. She motioned me to hush once more then pulled out my cell phone, which she immediately turned off.
If I had to guess, she was worried about it ringing, considering the painstaking amount of effort she was going through to keep the room quiet. That sure took me by surprise though.
Still, I couldn¡¯t imagine what was making her act like there was some big secret.
Come,¡± she whispered as she walked toward the stool at the end of the curtains.
Once again, I was being led by the siren¡¯s call. Even with a strange discomfort slowly welling up inside of me, I found the gentle whispers of Zoey impossible to resist. My face was bright red by the time I got to the end.
Sit.¡± The soft exhale of her voice caressed my left ear as it escaped her lips.
I took a quick glance down at the stool, which was about a few inches away from the curtain that was clinging to the wall of the room. I wondered if she wanted to take a picture of me initially, but I decided that my answers would come soon and took a seat without bothering to ask.
And when I turned back to my right to face her, I found her wearing a puzzled expression.
And her confusion only served to confuse me as well. I had no idea what was wrong with what I was doing.
She looked down at her feet to take a moment to think, then looked back up at me and twirled her finger in a circle. It took a moment to realize that she wanted me to turn to face the curtain. The request confused me, but I simply obeyed for the time being and I turned around.
If this were a horror movie, then this would be the part where I get brutally murdered by the monster. But thankfully, I thought, Zoey Brahm is not a monster. She¡¯s the girl of my dreams. And doing this much to appease her was nothing.
I faced the curtain, like she suggested. However, I was curious about what it was that she wanted. At first, I thought she was going to take a picture. After all, that¡¯s what this part of the room was set up for, right?
But my entire perception of the situation changed when I found it.
That small ray of light pouring out from the curtain.
It looked like a hole, but it was about the size of a quarter.
It was beginning to feel like this was what she wanted me to find.
I decided to lean my head in towards the hole.
Slowly.
Like I was about to peer into a completely different world on the other side of the wall. And as I moved my head closer, strange sounds began to fill my ears. I was beginning to understand why she wanted me to stay quiet. There were people on the other side of this wall.
I was nervous about continuing to lean in to view through the hole, but my curiosity easily got the best of me. I finally took a peep through the looking glass.
Mmn, mmf. Mnn¡¡±
A muffled, feminine voice leaked out of the crevice. It took my mind a moment for my brain to process what I was witnessing. I was honestly baffled. Before me was the scene of a girl, one I had seen in a few of my classes but whose name escaped me, sitting on a desk with her back pinned up against a wall, letting out soft moans in-between kisses. Her mouth was being smothered by the lips of none other than The Law.
The two of them were making out in the middle of an empty club room. Their kiss was so intense that I could only assume that the romantic tension between them had been bubbling up for quite some time. It was a kiss so intimate, so passionate, that I felt like they were seconds away from tearing each other¡¯s clothes off.
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And yet, all I could think was to ask myself one simple question.
Why was I looking at something like this?
Their bodies were so firmly pressed against one another that they may as well have already been in the middle of the act. Law, with his weight leaning in on the girl, grinded his leg rhythmically against her lower region as his lips continued to devour her feverishly. There was drool trickling down her face as she seemed to be deeply entranced by their kiss.
And just when I thought that it was getting a little too passionate, the sound of a phone buzzing filled the empty room.
Mm, wait, hold on.¡±
Lawrence, with a surprising amount of self-control, pulled himself away from her to glance down at his phone. The girl¡¯s face, while appearing hazy and red from the kiss, had soured from the unwanted development. However, she decided to stay quiet as Lawrence stared down at his phone.
Ah, shit. It¡¯s Ben. I might need to leave.¡±
Huuuh? Come on, that can wait. I finally have you all to myself, I don¡¯t want to let this chance slip...¡± She placed her arms on his shoulders and leaned in for another kiss. But all Lawrence did in response was leave her with a quick peck on the lips before pulling away.
No, I should probably get this. He got dumped by Zoey and he¡¯s been really down about it all morning.¡±
Wait, dumped? Already? I thought they started going out yesterday?¡±
Well, that¡¯s how it goes with girls like that.¡±
Hey, what¡¯s that supposed to mean? Zoey¡¯s not a bad person. She goes out of her way to show up to our big debates and take pictures. She¡¯s a real sweetheart.¡±
Yeah, I¡¯m sure Ben¡¯s learning just how much of a sweetheart she really is right now.¡±
Fair enough. Though I will admit, dumping someone after one day is a bit of a statement. She must really hate your friend, huh?¡±
Lawrence smiled while continuing to look down at his phone and typing.
Sorry Suzie, you know how breakups go. We have the homecoming game on Friday, remember? I really need to get ahead of this so it doesn¡¯t affect our performance.¡±
It suddenly dawned on me that the girl Lawrence was smacking lips with was Suzie Pesci, the head of the debate club. What shocked me wasn¡¯t that Lawrence had gotten together with her, but that she looked completely different than normal. She wasn¡¯t wearing her usual grandma glasses, plus she let her hair down.
Her face looked completely different too.
I could only assume that her new look was an attempt to seduce Lawrence, and it had apparently worked quite well, considering the situation I found myself gawking at just moments earlier.
But¡ they were only dating for a single day. He can¡¯t be that beat up about it, can he?¡±
Lawrence¡¯s expression went dark at her words.
Yeah...¡±
He maintained that difficult expression on his face as he continued to read the messages on his phone. Suzie could only stand by idly as she was forced to witness the scene of him tormenting himself by reading through the phone messages. It was so much that she eventually had to concede.
Alright, fine. I¡¯ll drop it. Go help your friend.¡±
He smiled. ¡°Yeah, thanks. Let¡¯s go.¡±
You have to make it up to me later though, okay?¡±
Without looking away from his phone, Lawrence placed his arm around Suzie¡¯s head and walked her out of the empty club room.
And I¡.
I was left flabbergasted at what I¡¯d just witnessed.
I had just peaked into Lawrence and Suzie¡¯s private life. It was something that I shouldn¡¯t have seen them do. How could something like this happen? How could Zoey know that they would be in this room, at this specific time? Did they all plan it? Did Lawrence tell her?
Such questions crossed my mind, but I seriously doubted that it was anything quite that elaborate. Lawrence and Zoey never appeared to be on friendly terms, and it didn¡¯t seem like he knew about our peeking at all.
The whole thing was just unbelievable.
So, what¡¯d you think?¡± Zoey asked.
I pulled myself away from the hole, and found her is squatting next to me, staring into another hole right next to mine. She was wearing her usual smile, a smile so prideful that you¡¯d think she just got done presenting her magnum opus for some kind of photography award.
Are you like, a pervert?¡± I finally asked.
A little bit.¡± She stood up and walked over to the tripod camera, and looked at me through the viewfinder. ¡°I¡¯m like you in a way, you see. I enjoy the thrill of looking at people in their most vulnerable moments. The moments they try their best to mask, the secret sides of themselves that no one really knows.¡±
What are you-¡± Before I could finish, a white light suddenly filled the room for an instant as the button on the camera was pushed.
Oh, but you are. I could tell. I could feel it inside of me. That overwhelming desire to see everything I had to offer. It might have only been for a moment, but it was there. You wanted to own every inch of me. Do you deny it?¡±
I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
Oh really? You¡¯re actually going to deny it? Even after I showed you something that fun?¡±
She flipped through the digital camera, probably in order to find the picture she¡¯d just taken.
You know Tristan, no one else knows about this side of me. No one else knows about how dirty I am. About how I can only experience pleasure as an unaffected third party, looking on from the other side of a wall. It¡¯s not something that someone should make a habit of telling people, you know? I only opened up about this to you, as someone who also knows the joys of such pleasures.¡±
I don¡¯t-¡±
You don¡¯t? Even though my underwear drawer was such a mess after what you did?¡±
I said nothing. I could only look away.
The truth is, whatever that thing you can do is¡ It¡¯s terrifying. Honestly, it should terrify most people. Humans have tried and tested countless ways of controlling one another throughout our history. It¡¯s so embedded into our story that you could argue human history itself is propelled by the conflict of man¡¯s desire for control, versus his desire for freedom. It¡¯s all just a big game to decide who the rulers and the followers are. But no matter how you look at it, there is nothing remotely as controlling as what you did to me. Quite frankly I don¡¯t even understand how you did it. But that doesn¡¯t matter to me.¡±
What¡ what are you talking about¡?¡±
I kept avoiding her gaze with a nervous smile. All I could do was pretend. Pretend that I had no idea what she was talking about. After all, even though we were both on the same page, even though we both understood that what happened was real, admitting to it would put me in a predicament where I was responsible for those terrible actions. And the last thing I wanted to do was to embarrass myself in front of the girl I loved.
Hmm, well I suppose you could play dumb. But then, aren¡¯t you interested in those pictures I took?¡±
She finally mentioned them. When I was in her body last night, she lured me into checking the photos she had stored on her phone. They were pictures of me, taken casually in crowded places. The fact that she referenced them was the final nail in the coffin.
It was actually real¡¡±
My body slumped in the stool, and a cold shock ran through my body.
She had already given me enough evidence to believe that it was, but I might have been trying to hold on to the faintest hope that it was all a misunderstanding.
Judging by that response... I suppose you also thought that it was just a dream? Well, your confused actions told me as much.¡±
You¡ you saw everything?¡±
Yep. I did. Every second of your little adventure inside of my body. I was right there in the passenger seat, having an intimate look at how much fun you had manipulating me as you pleased. Are you still going to deny that we¡¯re the same after doing something like that?¡±
There was no point in hiding it anymore. She knew it was real, and she knew that I knew it was real. The adrenaline of being found out rushed me to my feet.
I really don¡¯t know what it was! I swear! I kind of just¡ ¡®woke up¡¯ in your body the first time. I thought it was a dream so I did all of those things that I really regret doing, and¡ I¡¯m sorry.¡±
She grinned. ¡°¡¯Sorry,¡¯ he says. Really? You did something like that and yet you¡¯re apologizing?¡±
After uttering those words, she walked over towards me. I couldn¡¯t help but stare blankly at her gallant figure. Her long, flowing hair swayed side to side as her eyes narrowed onto me the closer she got. I was terrified of being judged, and yet still, I couldn¡¯t help but be captivated by her.
When she arrived, she leaned her body forward, as if to hand me my judgment. I held my eyes shut. Whatever was coming, I probably deserved it. To be denounced by Zoey would be the perfect way to end this high school crush of mine.
However, my expectations were betrayed as I was suddenly baptized by the feeling of Zoey¡¯s warm embrace.
Zoey?¡±
She spoke quietly into my ear. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±
Oh...¡±
I told you didn¡¯t I? We¡¯re similar. We get a thrill out of looking into the worlds that others keep secret.¡± She pulled away and flashed me that blinding, thousand-watt smile of hers. But her eyes didn¡¯t carry that clear, joyous gaze that it usually did. There was something more calculating hiding behind those eyes. As if she were intrigued
Uh, well, like I said earlier, I¡¯m really not like that! Sure, I might have done a few things out of curiosity, but I didn¡¯t feel good about them at all. In fact, knowing that it was all real has just made me feel guilty about it.¡±
And what about that thing you just saw earlier? With Lawrence and that girl?¡±
Yeah, and what was that all about? How did you know they¡¯d be there?¡±
Never mind that. How did you feel?¡±
What?¡±
Watching the two of them go at it like that. Knowing that they were doing what they were doing in private, with the expectations that this secret side of themselves would only be shown to one another. How do you feel about looking into that world?¡±
How¡¡±
Honestly, my mind was too rattled to think clearly.
Come on, tell me.¡±
She pulled herself away and retreated to her camera.
Weren¡¯t you excited? Didn¡¯t it make your heart beat with anticipation? Didn¡¯t it make you want to jump into Law¡¯s body and feel it for yourself?¡±
Jump into his body?
In the first place, I can only do that while I¡¯m sleeping.
And¡
I¡¡±
Yes?¡±
I don¡¯t know. This has all been¡ A lot to take in,¡± I muttered.
And as I did, her expression of joy almost immediately dissipated.
I see.¡±
All that was left was a neutral expression, dyed with a tinge of boredom.
No, that¡¯s not it.
It wasn¡¯t neutral at all.
It was pained.
The pained expression of disappointment with me.
I, I mean, I¡¯m glad that you¡¯re not upset with me, but¡¡±
Oh, I am upset with you.¡±
What? I thought you said-¡±
I said I¡¯m glad that you did it. I¡¯m still upset that you made me go out with Ben for an entire day. I don¡¯t like him at all.¡±
Oh. Well, I¡¯m¡ I¡¯m sorry.¡± I scratched my head.
Well, it¡¯s fine. After all, you¡¯re probably going to suffer for it too.¡±
What? What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡±
¡°
To be less cryptic, I did break up with him kind of suddenly yesterday. It¡¯s a slim chance, but I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if he started knocking on doors to find out what really caused it.¡±
She meant, of course, that ¡®I¡¯ broke up with him suddenly.
And it shouldn¡¯t surprise you that he¡¯s going to come asking the only guy who spoke to me yesterday. And if that does happen, then you¡¯re going to need to know what to say to him.¡±
I¡¯ll just tell him that I don¡¯t know anything.¡±
That¡¯s not going to work. Benjamin is a snake. If you don¡¯t fly carefully, he¡¯ll swallow you whole. You saw our text history, didn¡¯t you? He¡¯s relentless. And because of your text message, he¡¯s even more invested in a relationship with me than ever. You think he was scary yesterday? You¡¯re not going to last just by saying that you don¡¯t know anything.¡±
Ben was relentless with how he treated people he had problems with. She was right about that much.
Then... what should I do?¡±
Hmmm¡¡± At my words, she paused to deliberate. ¡°Well, I suppose I could help you out. But then, what would be in it for me?¡±
In it for you?¡±
Well, you¡¯ve already caused me so much distress thanks to what you did two nights ago. I think it¡¯d be strange if I didn¡¯t resent you for it.¡±
I¡¯m sorry.¡±
But, I won¡¯t. Because you didn¡¯t know what you were doing back then, did you? You thought it was nothing but a dream. And when you realized the consequences of your actions, you tried to make things right. For what it¡¯s worth I admire that.¡± Her words filled me with warmth. Her acknowledgment of my actions was everything I could¡¯ve asked for in that moment. ¡°You¡¯re interesting to me Tristan. I¡¯d like to learn more about you and those powers of yours.¡±
For her to learn more about me and my powers¡ it could only mean that we were going to start talking regularly. It was a prospect that was completely unrealistic to me.
I¡ I¡¯d like that too.¡±
Good.¡± She clapped her hands together, as if we had just signed a contract. ¡°Now, as for Benjamin...¡±
And with that, Zoey Brahm explained her strategy for dealing with Benjamin Otto to me.
Volume 1 Chapter 2 - III
Mmn, mmf. Mnn¡¡±
Unaware of the presence of the voyeurs on the other side of the wall, Lawrence continued to share a passionate kiss with Suzie that befitted two lovers sharing a private moment with one another.
Of course, to Lawrence, she was nothing of the sort. Suzie is the head of the debate club. She lives in a world completely separate from him, who led the basketball team to the current glory they¡¯re enjoying. So how did they become like this?
Due to an array of circumstances, the girl had caught Lawrence¡¯s eye. With her pigtails, freckles, and large, rounded glasses, Lawrence would normally never cast a girl like her a second glance. But he is someone who fancies his own ability to see the true beauty within women, to the point of obsession.
He believes that he can tell a woman¡¯s body-type behind a nun¡¯s gown, and he could tell what a woman¡¯s face looked like even if she wore excessive layers of make-up. Any of the noise that obfuscates a woman¡¯s potential beauty doesn¡¯t exist to him. He sees the real girl hidden beneath.
And after taking a look at Suzie, he had decided, in his own head, that if this girl simply straightened her hair and got rid of her round glasses, that she would be a beauty worth conquering.
And so, he set his plan into motion. He attended a few of her public debates, just enough to have a fair grasp of how these things went, then afterwards, he decided to make his move. He weaponized that smile of his that had won over many before Suzie, alongside his signature sense of humor that played on his exaggerated self-confidence, and, with very little effort, he managed to sink his teeth into the girl before him. He sung her sweet songs of her beauty, and spoke highly of how attractive she was as an intelligent woman, and, without much effort, her hair and her glasses both came down.
What Tristan and Zoey happened to be spectating was simply the result of those weeks of steady peeling away of her shell. He took the final step toward conquering his prey, who all this time, had still selfishly and naively decided to view him as her lover. And just as he was beginning to ready her to go further, the low buzz of a cellphone filled the room.
Mm, wait, hold on.¡± Lawrence pulled himself away from her and looked down at his phone. He input his passcode and found that he had received a text message from Gwen.
Ben¡¯s skipping class and won¡¯t respond to my texts. I don¡¯t know what he¡¯s planning, but I¡¯m worried.
The sight of the message took Lawrence out of his rendezvous with Suzie completely, as he had already witnessed the mood his friend was in earlier today. He shoved one of his juniors in the halls when he was asked how Zoey was, and he completely ignored Lawrence¡¯s attempts at being calmed down.
Gwen going off is one thing, but someone as uncontrollable as Benjamin acting out would spell trouble for both the homecoming game on Friday and his friend group. In fact, even without both of those things being in jeopardy, it wouldn¡¯t be surprising if his emotions were running wild to the point where he did something dumb enough to get suspended.
Ah, shit. It¡¯s Ben. I might need to leave.¡±¡±
Huuuh? Come on, that can wait. I finally have you all to myself, I don¡¯t want to let this chance slip...¡± Suzie placed her arms around his shoulders and leaned in to kiss him again. The action irked Lawrence.
If there¡¯s one thing he disliked, it was pushy women. Understanding boundaries when they are put up is an integral part of maintaining interpersonal
relationships, and he had no respect for women who couldn¡¯t do the bare minimum. However, he decided for the time being that it would be best to placate her with a short kiss rather than showing his frustration.
No, I should probably get this. He got dumped by Zoey and he¡¯s been really down about it all morning.¡±
Wait, dumped? Already? I thought they started going out yesterday?¡±
Lawrence suddenly thought that, for all her intelligence and quick wit on the debate stage, Suzie was just as vapid as the average cheerleader. Her lack of emotional intelligence was setting him off. However, he decided to swallow his frustration once more and began typing up a response to Gwen.
Well, that¡¯s how it goes with girls like that,¡± he said to Suzie.
Hey, what¡¯s that supposed to mean? Zoey¡¯s not a bad person. She goes out of her way to show up to our big debates and take pictures. She¡¯s a real sweetheart.¡±
Yeah, I¡¯m sure Ben¡¯s learning just how much of a sweetheart she really is right now.¡±
Fair enough. Though I will admit, dumping someone after one day is a bit of a statement. She must really hate your friend, huh?¡±
After finally sending off the message, he looked back up at his prey.
Sorry Suzie, you know how breakups go. We have the homecoming game on Friday, remember? I really need to get ahead of this so it doesn¡¯t affect our performance.¡±
But¡ They were only dating for one day. He can¡¯t be that beat up about it, can he?¡±
Oh, if only she knew, Lawrence thought. Like everything he touches, the nature of Benjamin Otto¡¯s desires for Zoey Brahm was obsessive in nature. The only reason the school¡¯s basketball team was any good in the first place was because Ben¡¯s excessive lust for victory caused him to live and breathe basketball to the point where he could score points in any situation.
To Lawrence, Benjamin could only be described as a demon.
An insatiable, lustful demon.
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And right now his eyes were focused on Zoey Brahm.
Yeah,¡± he muttered. But all he could do was reluctantly agree with her. He felt that he couldn¡¯t tell that to Suzie. He wouldn¡¯t let some innocent bystander get involved in the things that he knew. Lawrence read the new message that Gwen had sent his way.
I¡¯m certain. I know him. We¡¯re like, soulmates, I swear it. Look, if he¡¯s anywhere, it¡¯s probably the men¡¯s room. I don¡¯t want to go in there because it¡¯s dirty, so do you think you could go in there and talk to him?
Lawrence did his best to ignore the fact that Gwen¡¯s only issue with entering the men¡¯s room was related to germs. He couldn¡¯t deny that she was right to be worried. Ben had been acting strangely after the break up. But there was a part of him that couldn¡¯t help but wonder how much of Gwen¡¯s inferiority complex was playing into this.
The fact of the matter was that Zoey had completely won over her.
Whether she intended to or not, she had not only shown Gwen that she could have Benjamin if she really wanted to, but she also discarded him and left him off worse than before, which was almost just as harmful to Gwen as outright dating him.
Lawrence wasn¡¯t sure just how well Gwen was handling any of this. Was she truly focused on Benjamin, or did a part of her feel complete and utter hatred for her nemesis?
Alright, fine. I¡¯ll drop it. Go help your friend.¡± Suzie¡¯s voice brought him back to reality.
Regardless what the truth of the situation was, he had to calm Benjamin down. There were too many things riding on him right now. Lawrence thought that this should be Warren¡¯s job as his best friend, but for all his insight and wisdom, his social skills left a lot to be desired so he couldn¡¯t be depended on.
Yeah, thanks. Let¡¯s go,¡± Lawrence replied. Without looking away from his phone, Lawrence walked Suzie out of the empty club room. After dropping her off to her class, Lawrence swung by the men¡¯s room in the main building.
One of Lawrence¡¯s free periods is on Wednesdays at 10am, so he usually spends those 50 minutes fooling around with whatever girl he¡¯s interested in at the time in the empty clubroom he found as a sophomore.
The room was technically reserved for the Political Science club, but the club leader who had graduated two years ago was one of his close friends. He made him a spare key so that he could make use of it during school hours.
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Volume 1 Chapter 2 - IV
After trudging through one boring class after another, it was finally time for our first break of the day. Lance and I usually meet up at the student lounge to hang out and talk about pointless drivel, so I was seated silently while waiting for him to show up. The student lounge was a comfortable indoor atmosphere filled with tables and small mini-sofas, as well as self-serving vending machines filled with drinks and snacks. It¡¯s a great spot to hang out with the people you¡¯re close to.
The issue was, however, that I wasn¡¯t exactly in the right head space to handle a conversation with Lance. I had been staring at my cell phone with a goofy expression ever since I got to the lounge. I probably looked like an idiot to anyone who happened to look my way, but I honestly couldn¡¯t care less.
And the reason for that was simple. Zoey¡¯s phone number was right there in my contacts list. Warm fuzzy feelings were fluttering about on the inside of my chest.
It was easily a dream come true for me. I could have died happy right then and there.
I could have, but there was a huge caveat that came with that privilege. She wanted to know more about my ability to hack people.
She called it ¡®hacking¡¯, but for some reason, that phrasing felt way too impersonal to me.
More than simply accessing someone¡¯s mind and body, it feels more accurate to say that I ¡®became¡¯ that person. After all, if I were simply hacking Zoey, then I would have felt some form of arousal at the situation. I mean, the body of the girl I loved was right there.
But that¡¯s not what happened. Sure, I had retained my memory of who I was, but my psychological experience of the world was completely different compared to when I¡¯m in my own body. I had begun to see the world as Zoey did. Like our consciousness had merged for a brief moment in time inside of her body, to the point where not even going through her own undergarments did anything for me.
It felt like the two of us had become one.
Zoey and I¡ had become one...
Tristan!¡±
Woah!¡± I flinched and quickly looked up from my phone.
There, I found Lance and Naomi seated across from me. I didn¡¯t notice them at all. I was apparently far too deep in Lala-land to be aware of my surroundings. Lance stared at me with a puzzled expression on his face, but Naomi simply wore her usual cheery smile while sipping her soda.
Uh, you okay man? I was calling out to you for like a full minute there.¡±
Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Totally. I¡¯m great.¡±
He grinned. ¡°Yeah? You don¡¯t sound great. I thought the good news would perk you back up to your old self.¡±
Good news?¡±
Yeah, Zoey and Ben aren¡¯t going out anymore.¡±
Oh.¡± It appeared that the news was already making the rounds. Considering how quickly the rumors of them dating had spread yesterday, it wasn¡¯t all that surprising that today¡¯s news had already made it this far. Still, it felt weird to be in the know for once.
All it took was for me to uncover some crazy kind of superpower.
Hey man, don¡¯t panic. You got her to talk to you earlier today! Tristan stocks are way up compared to yesterday.¡±
Yeah, barely,¡± I lied.
Unfortunately, there was a wall blocking our ability to communicate. The truth is, I wanted to tell him. About my dreams. About how Zoey found out and called me to the photography room. I needed someone to confide in. It was an isolating experience to not be able to relate what was happening to him. But her voice kept ringing in my head.
Let¡¯s keep it as our little secret.¡±
That was the promise she had me make as I left the clubroom.
I don¡¯t quite understand why she wants to keep our connection hidden from everyone, but it might have something to do with my powers. My first thought was that I¡¯d get experimented on by the government or something. That¡¯s always what happens in comic books, right? She also mentioned becoming a CIA asset.
It would certainly be dangerous to tell everyone like it¡¯s no big deal. It¡¯s not like they¡¯d believe me anyway. Well, Lance probably would. But in any case, I decided that if Zoey wanted to keep our connection a secret, then at least for now, that¡¯s what I was going to do.
Speaking of the dance,¡± Naomi interrupted. ¡°We need marriage counseling from you, Tristan.¡±
Marriage counseling? Are you guys married?¡±
No,¡± Lance said. ¡°We¡¯re not. And I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re asking Tristan for help when he has absolutely zero relationship experience.¡±
Oh, come on. Let¡¯s humor him for a bit. Who knows? He might surprise you!¡±
I was extremely offended by Lance¡¯s casual mention of my lack of relationship credentials, but unfortunately, he was one hundred percent right so I decided not to say anything.
So Trist. Since you finally know that we were together, I wanted to ask you about the reason for our breakup. What do you think? Would you like to hear it?¡±
Uh, sure¡¡±
Well, who do you think should be the first to send the good morning text?¡±
Huh? Well¡ I don¡¯t know? Probably whoever wakes up first?¡±
Right?! I one hundred percent agree! That¡¯s exactly why I texted Lance good morning every day when I¡¯d wake up! But see, he got mad at me anyway! All because he thinks that guys should send the text first.¡±
Uh, hold on. I¡¯m not following. You two broke up over who should send the good morning text first?¡±
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Anyway since we¡¯re on the topic of girls, here¡¯s a question for you. Would you rather date a 5/10 with your dream personality, or a 10/10 with a bad personality?¡±
His sudden change of topic was a bit unnerving, even for him. But if I kept pushing, he would have probably just accused me of having low EQ so I decided to go along with it.
Hmm.¡± I pondered for a brief moment. It was a tough one. Anyone¡¯s ideal partner would probably be some mixture of both, but the question seemed to be about which aspect I valued more. ¡°Probably the 10,¡± I said finally.
Wow, really? I mean, I appreciate the honesty, but... why?¡±
I don¡¯t know, it¡¯s just¡ if I had to choose between the two, I would probably pick the more attractive person. I can¡¯t really think of a ¡®why¡¯. Like, I could try to justify why dating someone with a better personality would be the safer choice, but I don¡¯t think my brain works that way. I think that no matter what, it always comes down to looks.¡±
Yeah? I think I¡¯d date the 5 though.¡±
Oh, I doubt that.¡±
I would.¡±
No you wouldn¡¯t. Naomi¡¯s nowhere close to a 5. She¡¯s extremely pretty. Like, I was genuinely surprised yesterday when I found out that the two of you used to date.¡±
That¡¯s true, but the question was about what I value more. And breaking up with someone like Naomi because something rubbed me the wrong way just shows how true that is.¡±
Yeah but, someone with a bad personality can change with enough encouragement, right? I think you could get the best of both worlds that way.¡±
At my comment, Lance sighed. ¡°I don¡¯t think people can change that easily. I heard that human brains are at their peak development at like, age 25. So with that in mind, I think once you¡¯re past that then there¡¯s really no hope for you to change all that much. You¡¯re too stuck in your ways at that point. I think that like, even changing much after you¡¯re 18 is probably gonna be hard.¡±
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You think we¡¯re never gonna change?¡±
Oh, not nearly as much as you think. You¡¯re probably gonna be Tristan for the rest of your life.¡±
You¡¯re such a downer man, I¡¯m totally gonna change.¡±
Lance shrugged it off with a grin. The thought that I¡¯d be this person for the entirety of my life was not an exciting prospect to say the least, but I believed that he was wrong. There were great things coming to me in my future. I just had to believe in my ability to change.
What are these two turbo losers talking about?¡±
I dunno, but it sounds pretty interesting. Hey, mind if the two of us join you?¡±
Benjamin Otto and Lawrence Young.
The image of Lawrence making out with Suzie from the debate club was still fresh in my mind. I¡¯d always known about his womanizing ways, but to witness it first hand was something else entirely. Was it envy? Envy that he got to have his way with all of those attractive women so effortlessly?
My eyes shifted between the two of them, and I decided to hold the thought. It wasn¡¯t the time to be thinking about that. Lawrence aside, I absolutely did not want to run into Benjamin today. I was hoping that Zoey¡¯s warning was nothing more than paranoia on her part, but¡
Huh? You wanna sit with us?¡± Lance asked. ¡°What¡¯s the occasion?¡±
Never mind that,¡± Benjamin said, taking a seat right next to me. ¡°So what were you guys talking about?¡±
He placed his arm around my side of the lounge chair in complete disregard for my personal space. Lawrence sat on the other side of me, meaning that the two of them had sandwiched me in, preventing my escape.
Oh that? Well, I may as well ask you two as well.¡± Lance said. ¡°What kind of girl would you prefer to date? A 5 with your dream personality, or a 10 with a bad personality?¡±
What a stupid question. Why would I-¡±
The 10,¡± Lawrence interrupted him.
What seriously? The 10?¡± Lawrence¡¯s answer had apparently caught Ben by surprise.
Yeah. The 10. Why should I waste my time with a girl who isn¡¯t hot?¡±
Law, man...¡± Benjamin sighed. ¡°Haven¡¯t you ever been in love before? You can¡¯t just judge everything off looks alone.¡±
Have I ever been in love?¡± He laughed, almost as if the question were asked in jest.
What, are you gonna say you¡¯re too cool for love now?¡±
No, I just don¡¯t believe in it.¡±
Oh, you don¡¯t huh?¡±
Besides,¡± he continued. ¡°I also don¡¯t believe in a 5 with my dream personality. If you¡¯re a 5, that means you¡¯re not putting any effort into how you look. Even an extremely unattractive woman could look good with makeup. If you¡¯re not willing to put in that much effort, then you¡¯re not my type.¡±
No wait,¡± I interjected. ¡°What¡¯s this about love not existing? It totally exists.¡±
No, that¡¯s all bullshit made to sell Netflix subscriptions and concert tickets. It¡¯s like Santa Claus. There¡¯s billions of dollars to be made on selling the myth of love to us, so of course we¡¯re all culturally brainwashed by their marketing campaign. But the truth is, that¡¯s all bullshit. Just like there is no Santa Claus, there is no love. I see right through it.¡±
What about that feeling you get when you really like someone?¡±
You can call it love if you want, but it¡¯s just a high that goes away after a while. Calling something like that love is just being delusional.¡±
That¡¯s¡¡± Inhuman. The word inhuman nearly jumped out of my mouth, but I held it down.
You¡¯re a moron.¡± Ben laughed. ¡°Of course you choose the 5. Personality is what matters. I don¡¯t know who broke your heart, but it¡¯s what¡¯s on the inside that makes you feel good when you¡¯re with a woman. There¡¯s no point in having sex with someone if you¡¯re not in love with them.¡±
Yeah, for sure. You¡¯re a big personality guy. All the girls you date happen to be 10s, but it¡¯s just a coincidence.¡±
You¡¯re an ass, you know that?¡± The two of them chuckled at their mutual understanding. And just when I was thinking that the tension had died down, Ben¡¯s gaze focused on me.
Speaking of which,¡± he continued. ¡°How¡¯s your World History paper coming along? I heard Zoey was helping you out again today.¡±
It¡¯s always a surprise to me how insanely fast any news about popular kids can travel. But what was more surprising was that he was this aggressive about it.
O-oh, yeah. She knows a lot about the French revolution, so she was a huge help.¡±
Hmmm. So what, are you two like best buds now?¡±
With Zoey? Benjamin, I know what it looks like, but¡¡±
Don¡¯t call me Benjamin. It¡¯s Ben.¡±
Uh, Ben. Sorry. Heh, uh¡ my mistake. But like I said, I really just needed help with the paper. Everyone knows how good her grades are, right?¡±
Yeah. She has good grades, and she likes helping people out. I understand how popular girls like Zoey work. But you know Tristan, I understand how guys like you work too.¡±
Guys like me?¡±
You like Zoey, don¡¯t you?¡±
I froze up for a split second.
No, I, I don¡¯t. I really just needed help with my¡¡±
Bullshit. Of course you like her. Everyone likes her.¡± He paused, as if suddenly pleased with himself. ¡°You know what I think Tristan? I think you¡¯re what we like to refer to in the game as a nice guy. You couldn¡¯t get with her normally, so you resorted to sneaking around behind other people¡¯s backs. Weaseling your way through the cracks in the walls in the hopes that you¡¯d find a way in. Being nice, acting like a big people pleaser because you¡¯re too boring to have any personality of your own.¡±
I¡¡± My voice trembled, and I didn¡¯t say anything else.
Tristan, listen. I get it! Really. Zoey¡¯s hot. She¡¯s a 10. She¡¯s so hot that most guys that go to this school have thought about it at least once. I¡¯m not mad at you. But this world history story¡¯s getting old, you know? Instead of biding your time and hiding out like the nice guy that you are, you should just accept that she¡¯s way out of your league.¡±
What¡ what do you mean?¡±
Really? Do I need to spell it out for you? I can¡¯t tell if you¡¯re stupid or just looking down on me. You know what? Listen. Here¡¯s some advice. Because I don¡¯t want you to think that I¡¯m the bad guy here. Find yourself another girl, okay? One that¡¯s actually in your league. And, when you do, don¡¯t just go along with everything she says this time. Girls hate that shit. Make fun of her a little, call her a bitch. Do anything. Just don¡¯t be a nice guy, ¡®kay? Now, since I was kind enough to offer you some friendly advice, how about it? Feel like telling me what you said to Zoey yesterday?¡±
His words had given me a lot to consider. I had to pause. After all, my next response would take a lot of courage to get out. Courage.
Some people just have it in droves. They¡¯re able to stand tall and be their true selves against whatever life throws their way, regardless of the circumstances. But me, I¡¯m different. I¡¯m just a coward who lets his guilt and self-hatred guide him through his life. But today, something changed.
For the first time, Zoey had looked at me.
For the first time, my worthless existence had been acknowledged by her.
That¡¯s why I decided to make a stand.
To tell you the truth¡¡± I started, then paused to take a deep breath.
I felt both Ben and Lawrence eyeing me intently. Their focus was so heavy that I almost backed out instinctively. However, I had already started, meaning it was far too late to stop.
Naomi wanted to know more about your relationship with Zoey.¡±
Oh? Naomi wanted to?¡±
Yeah, and she didn¡¯t want your girlfriend to get in the way of her asking about it, so¡¡±
So you distracted her with that bullshit about your paper?¡± I nodded. Naturally, it was all nonsense. But it wouldn¡¯t be easy to ignore the bait dangling in front of his face. He stared intently at me, then looked away.
I guess that makes sense. But why did she want to ask about it? I know Naomi. She isn¡¯t the type of person to play games like that.¡±
No, but Gwen is.¡±
My eyes, which had been staring down at the table, quickly darted between the two of them in order to gauge their reactions. When I mentioned Gwen¡¯s name, Lawrence perked up nervously for some reason. Benjamin himself, however, only sighed, as if everything had finally fallen into place.
Gwen¡ that fucking¡¡± He rubbed his temple then looked back over at me. ¡°What the fuck did Gwen do this time..? Is she the reason Zoey broke up with me?¡±
I don¡¯t know. I didn¡¯t get any details. I just know that she was curious about it.¡±
He took a moment to ponder, then looked over at Lawrence. ¡°Do you know anything about this?¡±
Uh, not really¡¡± Lawrence was acting shifty. It felt almost like he was completely taken off guard by Gwen¡¯s name being brought up.
You know Ben,¡± Lance finally spoke up. ¡°You mentioned that most guys in this school at least somewhat like Zoey. But Trist and I don¡¯t really get what you guys see in her.¡±
The hell are you on about, Lance?¡±
I mean, look. Here¡¯s a girl who¡¯s got it all. Looks, grades, social circle, the whole nine yards. And yet despite being that perfect, despite being the center of attention for THAT long, there¡¯s not a single bad rumor about her floating around. No beefs, no disagreements, nothing. I mean, while she was helping us with our paper, I even tried to get into a fight with her and she brushed me off like it was nothing. Isn¡¯t that suspicious? She¡¯s almost superficially perfect. I mean, there has to be something going on with her.¡±
There¡¯s something going on with her?¡± Benjamin laughed. ¡°She¡¯s too perfect so there¡¯s something going on? Yeah, okay man.¡±
Surely you see it too. She goes out with you for a day then breaks it off? And you¡¯re just prowling around looking for someone else to blame? Just be honest with yourself. The problem isn¡¯t Tristan or that Gwen chick. It¡¯s Zoey. Zoey¡¯s the problem. That girl is not worth the trouble. Whatever¡¯s going on in that head of hers can¡¯t be good news.¡±
The fuck are you on about? You don¡¯t just break up with someone a day later without someone else poisoning the well for you. Tristan aside, I seriously am starting to get the feeling that Gwen was involved somehow.¡±
Whatever man.¡± Lance shrugged.
Lawrence, do you know anything about what Gwen¡¯s been up to?¡±
Gwen? Uh, practicing her cheers for the homecoming game, I guess.¡±
God, this is such a waste of time¡¡± He sighed.
Come on, let¡¯s just go ask her directly.¡±
Uh, well¡ mm, yeah.¡± The two of them stood up almost in sync and left the sofa. I watched their figures disappear as they went through the door to the student lounge
And as they did, I heaved a sigh of relief as the tension left my body. Sure, Gwen¡¯s name seemed to have put a wrench in things, but Lance did a good job of preventing him from thinking too hard about it.
Thanks man, you saved my ass.¡± I smiled at him, but his face was still as serious as it was before.
Trist, are you sure you want to keep going in that direction?¡±
What? What direction?¡±
Hmmm¡ how do I say this.¡± He looked down and pondered for a moment. Whatever he was thinking, it wasn¡¯t just a joke. ¡°Well, I want to be supportive of your feelings for Zoey but¡ it seems like Benjamin¡¯s on a manhunt for the reason the two of them broke up, right?¡±
Right.¡±
And that manhunt led him here.¡±
Right.¡±
And you dragged Naomi into the line of fire to save yourself.¡±
Right¡¡±
High school¡¯s fun enough as it is, Trist. We get to talk about stupid shit like Dota and hot chicks and we get to nap during classes. Like, I want to be supportive of your feelings, but¡ is she really worth all of this?¡±
Unsurprisingly, Lance was worried about me. Of course he was. Between what happened yesterday and just now, it¡¯s easy to guess that things would only keep escalating if we kept dealing with the charging bull that was Ben.
But thankfully for him, this would probably be the end of it.
No, I was actually thinking of giving up on Zoey.¡± Lance did a double take at my response.
Uh, what? Seriously? Just like that?¡±
Yeah. Just like that.¡±
Why?¡±
What do you mean why? Weren¡¯t you just about to tell me that I¡¯m getting myself involved in something bad?¡±
Yeah, but¡¡±
So what¡¯s the problem? It¡¯s not like we were close or anything. I just liked the thought of the two of us being together. It¡¯ll be more than easy to move on from that.¡±
I smiled as I said it, but it took all of my willpower to not bite down on my lip. That¡¯s because it hurt to lie to my best friend. I couldn¡¯t tell him the truth, though. I wasn¡¯t permitted to let him know about my newfound relationship with Zoey. The relationship that was founded on some strange power that I¡¯d uncovered.
Okay,¡± he finally said. ¡°If that¡¯s really how you feel.¡± Lance sighed and leaned back in his chair, finally releasing the tension from his body and returning to his old self. ¡°But man, what was that about? Law looked like he was completely sick of Ben¡¯s shit. Why was he just going along with all of it? Ahhh, no way. I can¡¯t relate to nice people like that. I¡¯d tell him off the first chance I got if it were me.¡±
Ah, yeah¡¡± His comment reminded me of how strangely Law was acting when Gwen¡¯s name came up. It seemed like he was genuinely worried about Gwen getting into trouble.. ¡°Do you think Law likes Gwen?¡± I asked.
Gwen? What makes you say that?¡±
Well, he looked nervous when I mentioned her name, so¡¡±
Oh, that. No, it might have to do with the fact that Ben has that history with her.¡±
Really? You think he¡¯d hit her again?¡±
Who knows? I don¡¯t even really know why he hit her in the first place. Or why the two of them are still friends despite breaking up on terms like that.¡±
You say it like there¡¯s forgivable reasons to hit someone.¡±
Not forgivable.¡± He took a sip of his drink before continuing. ¡°Understandable.¡±
No, I don¡¯t think it¡¯s understandable either¡¡±
Really? Even if she was about to murder his family?¡±
Okay, that¡¯s a bit extreme. I don¡¯t think Gwen was trying to kill Benjamin¡¯s family.¡±
What if she kept kicking his dog and refused to stop?¡±
Dude, what are these insane examples?¡±
My point is, you don¡¯t know what was going on between the two of them. It¡¯s not a forgivable action to hit your girlfriend, it never is. But there are situations where it¡¯s understandable.¡±
Yeah, she just has to have a gun to his grandma¡¯s head.¡±
For some reason, my comment seemed to have gotten a laugh out of him. ¡°Maybe so. But you know, everyone¡¯s been talking about it a lot lately since his fling with Zoey. Ben the abuser. Everyone condemns him for it, but no one bothered asking why. Not you, not Naomi, not anyone else I¡¯ve spoken to about it. I think that¡¯s sad. Benjamin Otto is 18, not 25. He¡¯s not perfect, and he still has plenty of opportunities to grow. But no one wants to give them to him. No one wants to understand him, and try to help him with whatever anger issues he¡¯s dealing with. It¡¯s all about condemning him.¡±
Lance is always like this. He thinks so deeply about the most pointless things. Trying his hardest to understand every possible interpretation. Just like when he questioned the legitimacy of Zoey and Ben¡¯s relationship, there he was again, trying to be charitable to someone who raised their hand against their partner.
It was an unsettling habit of his, and I honestly wanted nothing more than to wash my hands of that conversation right there. I mean, there¡¯s no defending what he did, is there? And yet, his words of boundless compassion for Benjamin reverberated through my mind.
So, what about Gwen?¡± I finally asked. ¡°Do you think we should just forget what he did to her because he can grow in the future?¡±
No, but at the very least she seems to have forgiven him. They¡¯re still friends even after what happened, so why should we condemn him without actually knowing the situation?¡±
Okay, then what about her parents? How would they feel if they found out about it? Don¡¯t you think it would tear them apart to know that their daughter was treated like that?¡±
I was scrambling. Trying my best to condemn him. Using any avenue I could to keep the attack up. It¡¯s pathetic, I know. But I just¡ I really fucking hate Benjamin Otto.
I think they would feel rightfully upset. But do you really believe that he shouldn¡¯t be allowed to change? It¡¯s not like he killed her or anything.¡±
I don¡¯t know, I just...¡±
Hey Trist, enough already. All I¡¯m saying is that if you want to condemn him that much, then maybe you should ask the two of them about it yourself.¡±
Yeah, I guess¡¡± My head felt heavy.
It was frustrating to listen to Lance stand up for someone who treats me like that. He was standing up for a guy who even hit his own girlfriend. As if there¡¯s anything redeemable about someone like that. He could be such a contrarian about the most pointless things.
But it was hard for me to hate him for it. After all, he did have my back earlier, so it wasn¡¯t like he was being malicious. No, in fact it might have been the opposite.
He might claim to hate kind people like Lawrence, but he might be more compassionate than anyone else at this school.
Volume 1 Chapter 2 - V
My cell phone immediately began ringing the second I got off the bus ride home. I contemplated simply heading inside and relaxing before checking what it was about, but something told me that I should look at it as soon as possible. And the second I read the name on the display, my heart leapt out of my chest.
It was Zoey.
Zoey was calling me.
Though I recognize that it was indeed Zoey, the name that appeared on my display read ¡®Captain¡¯. This was in order to hide our affiliation should someone find my phone. It was her idea to disguise our relationship, so I was merely following through by making sure nothing would give us away. She also mentioned making a habit of using disappearing messages so that none of what we said would be archived on either of our devices.
It was difficult to admit, but there was a part of me that enjoyed the secrecy of it all. Having this kind of relationship with Zoey was all but a dream come true. Sure, it wasn¡¯t a romantic relationship. It seemed like she was mostly curious about my powers and wanted to learn about them with me. But still, that¡¯s progress compared to where I was a week ago. I could only imagine what kind of fun adventures we¡¯d embark on in the future. But unfortunately, there was another part of me that despised my own happiness. I hated the creepy side of myself that I saw in all of the guys who had been texting her endlessly. It made me feel embarrassed to be in my own skin.
But I decided to repress those unsettling feelings. Because the truth of it is, this was the best thing to ever happen to me. The ability to talk to Zoey whenever I wanted was something I¡¯d always dreamed of, after all.
But before I could get lost in my daze of joy, I decided to press the answer call button on my phone.
Uh, hello?¡±
It seems like the blame for our breakup has shifted from you to Gwen. You did well today.¡±
Without so much as a greeting, she got straight to business. But still, to receive her praise like that wasn¡¯t a bad feeling at all.
Thanks, but¡ I¡¯m still confused about a few things.¡±
Oh really? Like what?¡±
Like, how did you know that he¡¯d try to blame me for your breakup? And how did you know that he¡¯d blame Gwen if I pushed him in that direction?¡±
She went silent for a moment, and I heard what sounded like typing in the background. I thought that she must have been working in the club room.
Ah, apologies. I was responding to an e-mail. I didn¡¯t know that he¡¯d come after you with any certainty, but judging by his text messages to me after the breakup, it sounded like he came to the conclusion that I was convinced to break up with him by a third party. If we also assume that you were the only one he saw having a conversation with me yesterday, then it¡¯s easy to guess what he¡¯d do next. As for Gwen¡¡± I heard Zoey chuckle on the other end of the line. ¡°Well, let¡¯s just say that she brought it upon herself.¡±
She brought it upon herself, those were the words that Zoey used. Thinking back, the two of them were having a conversation in front of the entire student body.
With how quickly information had been going around, there was no way he didn¡¯t hear about it. I supposed that he might have initially let her off because he was certain it was another guy who got into Zoey¡¯s ear.
In any case, Tristan. Now that those obstacles are out of the way, we need to continue talking about your abilities. Are you free tonight?¡±
Free? Well, I was going to type that paper up tonight, but besides that¡¡±
Oh, that¡¯s perfect then. Why don¡¯t I lend you a hand while we¡¯re at it? Come spend the night at my place tonight. I¡¯ll let you work on my laptop.¡±
Her words reverberated on the inside of my head.
It felt unreal to me.
Spend the night¡
I couldn¡¯t believe it.
She was inviting me over¡ to her house?
To her room?
The room from those dreams?
I could only gulp.
Uh, spend the night? But¡¡±
But what? You¡¯ve already spent the night technically, haven¡¯t you?¡±
W-well yes, but¡ Are your parents going to be fine with that? I mean, a guy in your room¡¡±
Don¡¯t worry about the details. I can take care of it. Will you be able to show up?¡±
Uh, I think I can manage¡¡±
No, there was no way I could just tell my parents that I was going over to a girl¡¯s house to write a paper without being asked a million questions about it. But there was also no way that I could pass up on the opportunity.
I¡¯ll text you the address and time then. Later.¡±
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Oh, oka-¡± The line cut before I could finish my sentence.
She must not have been in a situation where she could communicate as freely as she would have liked. The club room was probably starting to get busy. After all, we were only two days from homecoming. It seemed like I would have to be more understanding of her situation as we move forward. Having her number wasn¡¯t actually the same as being able to talk to her anytime I wanted.
Still, her intelligence terrified me.
That she not only figured out that I hacked her after one interaction, but also the way she chased Benjamin off so effortlessly spoke volumes on how much she understands people. All I had to do was follow her instructions and he fell for it hook line and sinker.
She mentioned her strategy in the club room when she was briefing me on what to do. It went something like this: when people suspect you of lying, fight back with as much resistance as possible. This will tire them out even if it makes them even more suspicious. Then, when they feel like they¡¯ve won, release all of the tension by forfeiting and feeding them a much more believable lie. They¡¯ll feel so relieved by their victory that they won¡¯t doubt what you¡¯ve said for more than a second.
She knew that Gwen was a suitable sacrifice for Ben¡¯s anger, and she allowed me to play that hand with the best possible odds by teaching me how to bluff.
It was frightening. The amount of thought that Zoey put into simple conversations was truly frightening.
Frightening, but incredible. My respect for her went up by 5 points.
My phone vibrated and I immediately opened up the text message. In it, she wrote her address as well as the meeting time, 6pm. In other words, in a little over two hours. What surprised me was how close by she lived. According to my GPS, it wouldn¡¯t take more than ten minutes to drive over there.
Just as I memorized the information, she wrote me a second text. She also stipulated that I should bring a change of clothes since she would be driving me to school the next day, a hat, since the day before homecoming at our school was hat day, and, for some reason, a cooler with bags of ice already inside of it. Her last request seemed extremely unreasonable to me at a glance. I was going to have to do a lot of convincing to get this to work. I was exhausted just thinking about how nerve-wracking it would be. However, just the idea of spending the evening at Zoey¡¯s house was enough for me to seriously consider my options.
I opened the front door and the sound of the TV immediately escaped the house. It was a local news story about the rise in petty theft in the community. Seated at the sofa with his back angled at me was my dad, Daniel Collins.
He didn¡¯t seem to notice me coming in, which worked well for me since I could muster the courage to make this huge ask of him. I breathed in deeply.
Hey, Dad?¡±
Oh, hey son. How¡¯d it go? Did you ask her out to homecoming yet?¡±
Uh, no not yet. I actually wanted to ask about getting a lift a little later. I¡¯m going to stay over at Lance¡¯s tonight to study.¡±
Oh, does that mean the movie¡¯s off?¡±
I had completely forgotten about our plans to watch a movie. So much was going on that it was hard to keep track of my personal life.
Uh, you said you could watch it tomorrow, right?¡±
Hmmm. Well, I suppose that works. Sure, I can drive you over. Lance, Lance¡ that was over on Maronille Avenue, right?¡±
I froze. My lie had already been caught in a snag. I completely forgot that he knew where Lance lived.
N-no, he moved during the summer. He¡¯s only a few minutes from us now.¡±
Oh, really?¡±
Also, uh, he told me to fill an icebox up and bring it over.¡±
An icebox? Son..¡± Dad grinned.
I¡¯m not sure what kind of conclusion the icebox had drawn exactly, but if I had to guess, he probably thought that it was some kind of house party. Unfortunately, I had no other lies planned for talking my way out of it, so I planned on telling him the truth had he pressed.
Well¡ okay. I guess you two will get pretty thirsty, Is the one in the basement fine? Or should we go grab a new one before we get the ice?¡±
Oh, that one¡¯s great. Thanks.¡±
Sure thing. Let me go pull it out now, then.¡± He got up and began walking towards the door to the basement.
The ice box in the basement was a fancy insulated cooler that would have no trouble keeping the ice solid for even a day straight, so it should be fine no matter what Zoey had planned. Although, as relieved as I was that it seemed that things would work out, there was also a part of me that felt guilty for lying to him like this. He¡¯s been nothing but supportive towards me all these years, so to repay him like that felt like a betrayal on my part.
That part of me wondered if that was what it meant to chase after Zoey Brahm. She asked for something this difficult on such short notice. without even a hint of indecision, and I quickly followed through against my better judgment. I wondered if this was what Lance was talking about when he referred to a bad personality. Did Zoey really have one of those? If so, then what was the right answer to that question?
By the way, dad?¡± Before he left through the door to the basement, I called out to him.
Hm? What¡¯s up son?¡±
I figured out what three other guys my age thought, but I was curious about what an older person would think.
What type of girl would you prefer to date? A 10 with a bad personality, or a 5 with your dream personality?¡±
Son, where do you get off with this number thing?¡±
Oh, right¡ Sorry.¡± I forgot to rephrase the sentence around dad. He¡¯s pretty anal when it comes to things like that. He¡¯s a textbook male feminist, to the point where he made me feel uncomfortable talking about things like my own sexuality or views on women. But still, I couldn¡¯t resist asking.
I guess you¡¯re asking if I prefer what¡¯s on the outside or the inside, right?¡±
Yeah.¡±
He thought for a moment. I genuinely couldn¡¯t figure out whether it was normal or fair to prefer a woman¡¯s looks to her personality.
My answer was the same as Law¡¯s, which ended up making me self-conscious about my honesty. The lens that Law views relationships through had seemed so inhuman that I disliked being associated with it.
Hmm. Well, if you¡¯re talking just dating, then you should go for her personality.¡±
Yeah but¡ we do judge women by their looks right?¡±
Yes, that¡¯s true. We do at first. But good looks aren¡¯t going to last forever.¡±
He smiled and glanced at something behind me before heading down to the basement. When I turned around, I realized that what he had glanced at was a picture of my parents¡¯ wedding day. It suddenly dawned on me what prompted his answer.
As someone much older and wiser than I am, he probably understood human mortality far better than a suburban teen like myself could hope to for a long time. Eventually, both him and mom would get old, and their looks would be nothing but a shell of what was on display in that picture. He was keenly aware of that fact. And yet, he seemed to be at peace with it.
I have to admit, I felt envious of how his life had turned out. A house with the woman of his dreams and a child who he loved. If I could live like that, then I would consider my life a success too.
I wanted to begin my journey of love right that second. And, I believed, this rendezvous with Zoey would be the start of it. Still, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what kind of bond I¡¯d form with Zoey now that we were getting closer.
She still terrified me. Her confident demeanor coupled with her status at school made her figure seem larger than life itself. But she had invited me to her house, so all I could do was follow her lead and hope that the two of us would create a bond as beautiful as the one my parents had formed. After pondering for a moment, my eyes finally drifted down towards the table before me, where I found the Blu-ray case for the movie Dad had mentioned the day before.
It was a movie by the name of Taxi Driver. I decided to take a seat in order to examine it more closely. There was something about the Taxi Driver cover that called out to me. Like a haunting whisper. The image of the man in a mohawk and aviator sunglasses was embedding itself into my mind. Those sunglasses had stood out to me. The air of confidence they oozed were appealing.
I wondered if I could match Zoey¡¯s air of confidence if I wore those. It would be a nice change of pace for the homecoming dance.
And suddenly, an idea came to mind. I decided that once I got to her house, I would ask her out to the dance.
It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and I needed to prove to Lance that I wouldn¡¯t always be the Tristan that played it safe all the time.
I could change, and this was my chance to show him.
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - I
The drive to Zoey¡¯s house took about 6 minutes on its own. My dad and I stopped at a gas station on the way to grab some ice for the cooler, which added an extra 5 minutes to the trip. It was pleasantly surprising to learn how close by she lived, but I suppose that it didn¡¯t really matter until today. In any case, I wasn¡¯t entirely sure what she had planned for it, but I decided that for the time being, it would be better to trust her and follow her instructions.
The disappearing messages she sent me had given explicit details for our meetup today. First, I was to bring a cooler filled with ice to the address she had sent me. Then, I¡¯d go through the yard on the right end of the building and hide it on the inside of the large shrub near the corner of the house. Only then should I circle back and ring the doorbell.
The task itself wasn¡¯t difficult. The only painful part was battling my fear of getting caught sneaking around someone¡¯s backyard. Explaining myself out of that kind of situation with a cooler full of ice would be impossible for someone like me. Though, I¡¯m sure Zoey herself could do it.
In any event, after managing to complete the tasks without anyone noticing, I finally made my way to her doorstep. The house didn¡¯t seem all that much different than mine. It was two stories high and had a neutral gray paint job. On the driveway behind me were two parked vehicles. Zoey¡¯s red 2013 Camry, which I had seen many times at school this year, and an ancient Toyota SUV that I didn¡¯t recognize. I decided that it must have belonged to one of her parents and paid it no mind.
After giving the place a second look now that I was calmer, I refocused my gaze on the doorbell before me. It was quite cold outside, so there was no point in delaying it any longer. I had done everything as Zoey had instructed, and it was time to finally set foot into that uncharted territory. I¡¯m sure that no other guy had gotten this far with her before. If they only knew about this, I¡¯m certain that they¡¯d be green with envy. Thinking that, I steeled myself and finally pressed down on the doorbell.
My heartbeat quickened, and I ended up gulping nervously.
¡°Yeah, yeah, I¡¯m comin¡¯.¡±
The muffled voice of an older woman seeped out from the cracks in the door as the sound of footsteps slowly approached from the other side. There was a part of me that had held onto the hopes that it would be Zoey herself answering the door, but it looked like that wasn¡¯t happening. After all, I figured it would be bad for her to have a guy over. Isn¡¯t the assumption that something sexual would happen if we went up to her room? Wouldn¡¯t I get mistaken for her boyfriend or something?
While those tumultuous thoughts raced through my head, the sound of the doorknob rattling shook me out of my spell, and the door finally squeaked open.
¡°What¡¯re you selling, hun?¡±
As expected, a middle-aged woman with brown hair hanging down the sides of her face leaned out onto the door frame. The dark bags under her eyes did little to distract me from the slightly peeved expression she wore, as if I were doing nothing but wasting her precious time. Judging by the fact that she was still dressed in fancy office clothes, I could assume that she hadn¡¯t been at home for that long and wanted nothing more than to just unwind.
¡°Selling¡? No uhm, I got invited over by Zoey.¡±
¡°Zoey¡?¡±
The woman sized me up immediately upon hearing her name. She was clearly making some kind of judgment about me, but I couldn¡¯t tell what kind of conclusion she was coming to. To be honest, it kind of creeped me out.
¡°Zoey!! Your boyfriend¡¯s here!¡± she yelled it out after she was done inspecting me. My face burned up the moment she uttered the word ¡°boyfriend.¡± Of course I had expected something like that to happen. This was why I was praying for Zoey to answer the door herself in the first place. But expecting something and witnessing it are two completely different things.
After a few moments, I heard the slow pattering of footsteps coming down the staircase in front of the door, and her figure finally came into view. She was still drying her face with a towel that had been hanging around her shoulders. If I had to guess, she too had only just arrived home after her club activities. She appeared to have just gotten out of the shower.
¡°Hey Tristan. You¡¯re right on time.¡±
I couldn¡¯t utter a word in response. Of course, I¡¯d seen her in homely clothes before in that dream, but I hadn¡¯t felt anything because, being in Zoey¡¯s body, it was difficult for her to feel any sort of physical attraction to herself. But even without that, the view before me was on a completely different level.
Zoey was wearing a white tank top that clung tightly to her chest area, highlighting the shape of her breasts more clearly than I¡¯d ever seen them before. On her hips were what appeared to be a pair of red shorts that barely peeked out from under the length of that shirt, giving off the sensory illusion that she was wearing absolutely nothing. The sight of Zoey wearing so little to cover her lower half out in the open like that was such a sensual experience that I caught myself sweating bullets in the chilly autumn weather.
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For a moment, I almost wondered if she were trying to seduce me, but I decided against that thought since it would lead to my immense disappointment if it weren¡¯t the case. All I could do was avert my gaze nervously.
¡°Tristan?¡±
¡°H-huh? Oh, hey.¡±
¡°Do you like, wanna come in? It¡¯s really cold.¡± I could see signs of goosebumps beginning to form on her arms. It would be bad for me to force her to keep enduring in an outfit like that.
¡°Oh, yeah. Right. Thanks.¡±
I stepped into the building. The heating sheared the cold of the outside cleanly from my body. It was a relief to finally be greeted by the warmth after lugging that icebox around outside for all that time. Once she closed the door behind me, I took a moment to look around.
To my right was the kitchen area which had been quite neatly attended to as far as I could tell, with what one would expect from a modern kitchen. Before me was the staircase that Zoey just came from, and to my left was the woman who answered the door, laying down watching the television. She noticed me come in, then turned back to face the TV. ¡°Make sure you wear a condom, hun. Zoey¡¯s gonna have to find someone else to leech off of if she gets knocked up.¡±
My face was so red that you probably could have mistaken me for a tomato. I had known this woman for all but two minutes and she was already this good at embarrassing me. I turned back to face Zoey, who was smiling brilliantly as if the woman hadn¡¯t said anything at all. Somehow, her indifference to the comment helped calm me down.
¡°Shoes.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°Your shoes,¡± Zoey repeated.
I looked down, and I noticed a lineup of shoes right next to the door. It seemed like the members of Zoey¡¯s household took their shoes off at the door.
¡°Ah, right,¡± I said, before sliding my sneakers off my feet and neatly setting them aside next to the others.
¡°You better wear that condom, hun. If she catches anything I¡¯m not paying for her treatment either, you know,¡± the woman continued. It was just one thing after the other with her. It was extremely unsettling.
¡°Come on, let¡¯s go.¡±
Ignoring the pestering coming from the TV room, Zoey grabbed my hand and led me up the staircase. Her grasp felt good. It was a familiar softness that served to remind me how easy it is to forget everything else that¡¯s going on in the world when I¡¯m with her.
Law said that love doesn¡¯t exist. But I was starting to feel sorry for him if he truly couldn¡¯t appreciate small moments like these with the person you have these special feelings for.
After climbing up the stairs, we entered a hallway that splintered to the left and right, similarly to the downstairs section of the house.
¡°Did you bring the cooler?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh, yeah. It¡¯s hidden outside. My dad got some really good ice so it should last a while.¡±
She didn¡¯t respond. Rather, she simply walked down the hall to the left. I took a moment to marvel at the fancy abstract paintings on the walls. Zoey¡¯s family seemed to have an extremely peculiar taste in art, but I didn¡¯t hate it. After a moment, we finally arrived at what I assumed to be the door to her room.
¡°Is this it?¡± I asked.
¡°Yeah, it is. Mind giving me a second before I let you in?¡±
¡°Oh-¡±
Before I could offer up a full response, she opened the door and slipped into her room without giving me a second look. I had been left standing out in the hallway of the second floor, staring blankly at the closed door to her room. The suddenness of it reminded me of how she had abruptly hung up on me earlier in the day. It began dawning upon me what a cold person Zoey might be. It certainly wasn¡¯t out of the realm of possibility. After all, she hadn¡¯t dated anyone for the entirety of high school until yesterday. Perhaps that was the reason for it. But of course, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder why she acted like that.
¡°Woof!¡± I heard the sound of light scampering coming from the end of the hallway that I hadn¡¯t visited yet, and there, I found a small Terrier rushing over towards me. It was carrying itself with an excitement that quite honestly was exhausting to look at.
No, that¡¯s not true at all.
It was cute.
Way too cute.
The dog barked energetically as it finally approached me, then pawed at my leg with an ecstatic joy that matched its expression.
¡°Woof! Woof!¡±
¡°There, there,¡± I said, reaching down to pat the dog¡¯s head gently.
I thought that it must¡¯ve been the dog that was on Zoey¡¯s phone. I remembered its brown coat quite well. I thought they matched since Zoey¡¯s own hair was a somewhat similar shade of brown.
¡°Sorry for the wait,¡± Zoey said as she opened the door. My eyes followed the sound of her voice to find that, rather than the shorts she had greeted me with earlier, she was now wearing a pair of gray sweatpants. A wave of disappointment washed over me.
¡°Oh my god, Mao! Hey Mao!¡±
Flashing her thousand-watt smile as a greeting, she reached down and grabbed the dog, who graciously leapt into her arms. She then headed back into the room.
As ashamed as I am to admit it, I was looking forward to sneaking looks at Zoey¡¯s lower half that evening. But unfortunately, such a dream had been hopelessly crushed right before my eyes by those wretched sweatpants. With a dejected look and tears streaming down my face, I reluctantly followed her into the room.
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - II
¡°Good boy Mao! Good boy! Mao¡ Mao, sit!¡± The dog sat elatedly in response to her command. ¡°Wow!! Oh my god, good boy! Mao, stand!¡± He got on his hind legs. ¡°You¡¯re such a good boy!¡±
Once inside the familiar room, I was greeted by the sight of Zoey, seated on the bed, playing around with her dog Mao. The room looked far different in the daylight, I had to admit. It didn¡¯t have quite the sinister look I recalled from my dreams. Another thing I noticed was that the familiar scent of cinnamon filled the entirety of the room. It was such a joyous feeling to be overwhelmed by her smell in that way that it almost felt like I was trespassing in some holy place of worship.
¡°Sorry about my mom. She¡¯s always like that. Oh, have a seat.¡± She gestured at the chair next to her study desk.
¡°Uh¡ always like that?¡± I asked as I spun the office chair around and took a seat.
¡°She¡¯s really hands off. I pretty much had to raise myself since I was like 5. Well, no. What I should say is that the internet pretty much raised me on its own.¡±
When she said the internet, I had to pause for a moment to collect myself.
¡°But¡ what about your dad?¡±
¡°Oh, him? He helps out financially with bills and the mortgage, but he¡¯s rarely home. Maybe twice a month. He has business all over the country so he¡¯s usually off attending to that stuff.¡±
¡°I see...¡±
She redirected her attention back to Mao. ¡°Good boy! Good boy, Mao. Shake!¡±
She held her palm out, and Mao immediately reached out to meet it with his paw. The scene playing out before me didn¡¯t have the weight of any supernatural powers or popular kid political games. It was just the heartwarming view of a girl having fun with her dog. It¡¯s a sight that allowed me to forget all of my anxieties and troubles.
¡°Why did you name him Mao, anyway?¡±
¡°Oh, it¡¯s related to China¡¯s great leap forward. The long and short of it is it¡¯s because he¡¯s an idiot, but I love him too much to tell him to his face.¡±
I wasn¡¯t sure why she decided to bad mouth Mao Zedong like that, but she was the one who paid attention in world history class, so I decided to take her word for it. If only I were more knowledgeable about topics like that, maybe then we could have a real conversation.
I was disappointed in myself. I couldn¡¯t engage with her at all. It had already been about ten minutes since I entered her house, but everything still felt far too tense. I was just going along with whatever she said. Benjamin mentioned that I was a nice guy, and looking at it from the outside, this must have been what he was talking about. I¡¯m just a boring guy who goes wherever the flow takes him, with nothing remotely interesting to add.
So the question I began grappling with at that time was, how should I get myself out of this situation?
¡°You look a little lonely over there. Do you want to play with him too?¡± Zoey asked while holding Mao up to me.
Suddenly, I remembered his words from earlier today. He said to make fun of them a little, didn¡¯t he? It was all coming back to me. That was how he spoke to Gwen when they were dating, so it must work.
Taking a deep breath, I looked her dead in the eyes with as much determination as I could muster. ¡°I don¡¯t want to play with your ugly dog, bitch.¡±
I could tell that the words would hang in the air the second I let them out. She sat in place silently, like a statue, without reacting to my response. I quickly began to catch on to the fact that I really shouldn¡¯t have said that. It was as if, through taking Benjamin¡¯s advice, I had unleashed some great force of evil onto myself.
And as suddenly as my sentence ended, that room filled with Zoey¡¯s laughs and Mao¡¯s playful barking suddenly went deathly quiet. She released him from her grasp, and he landed paws first onto the ground and scampered off.
A dark shadow was hanging over her face, masking her previously bright and cheery expression.
¡°Stand up.¡±
¡°H-huh?¡±
¡°Stand up.¡±
Her voice was as calm as ever. But I was certain that something dark was brewing underneath that cool exterior. Without fighting back, I rose to my feet. She followed me by also lifting herself, still staring down at the carpeted floor as quiet as ever.
I wanted to scream. This was supposed to be the day I asked her to the dance, and yet I blew it so hard that it would be a miracle if she even spoke to me after today. All the blood was rushing to my head like a volcano on the verge of erupting. However, I decided to suck it up and try to fix it.
¡°Hey, listen. About what I just said¡¡±
She held her hand up to shush me before I could say anything else. I tried to claw myself out of the awkward silence, but she immediately dragged me back in. She clearly had no intention of letting me talk my way out of it. The situation was so nerve-wracking that I started fidgeting in place anxiously.
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¡°Listen,¡± she said, finally putting an end to the quiet. ¡°I¡¯m going to pretend that your comment was just a bad joke.¡± She paused once more, possibly to let me stew in the ambiguity for a bit longer. ¡°And that¡¯s only because, other than this single transgression, you¡¯ve conducted yourself respectably around me. However¡¡±
She gazed into my eyes, and what I saw there terrified me. None of Zoey¡¯s usual, playful expression was present at all on her face.
No.
It was a look of scorn and disgust that raised every single hair on my body. She was a completely different person.
¡°I don¡¯t appreciate distasteful jokes like that. Not about myself, and especially not about Mao. Do you understand me?¡±
I nodded my head as if my life depended on it.
It was like I was face to face with the devil herself. The stark contrast between her normal self and whatever it was that was standing before me made it hard to believe that this was the same girl that was so kind to everyone at school.
At that moment, it felt like Zoey Brahm was capable of destroying my entire identity, everything I stood for, in just a single sentence. The power she held over me in that moment, standing up to me with that cold gaze, was all-encompassing.
However, like a switch, her face eased into a smile.
Yes, that smile.
The one I fell so hopelessly in love with. It was such a soothing smile that I had already forgotten about the terror of moments ago.
¡°Good.¡±
I learned my lesson. Don¡¯t take advice on women from guys like Ben. She went back to sitting on the bed, and I followed her cue and returned to sitting on the office chair at her study desk.
¡°Don¡¯t take it personally. I just think an important part of relationships is setting boundaries for yourself.¡±
Relationships¡
That was the word she used. I understood her intended meaning, but it still made me happy to be considered a friend of hers.
¡°Why did you say that to me?¡± she asked while sitting up.
¡°¡¯Why¡¯? Well, uhm¡¡± I racked my brains for possible ways to avoid the question, but I decided that I had already blundered so hard that it would be best to come clean. ¡°When Ben came over to grill me today, he¡ gave me advice on talking to girls.¡±
¡°Oooh.¡± She grinned. ¡°Ben did, huh? What did he say?¡±
¡°No, I can¡¯t mention it. It¡¯s embarrassing.¡±
¡°Really? More embarrassing than calling me a bitch?¡± I grimaced. I know Ben said that I should do it, but why did I ever think that that was a good idea?
I sighed. ¡°He said that I¡¯m a boring person. That I¡¯m like, a weasel-y ¡®nice guy¡¯.¡±
¡°Hmmm.¡± Her eyes focused on the ceiling for a moment. It was as if the response to what I¡¯d just said was written up there. Then after a moment, she turned to face me.
¡°So you¡¯re saying that instead of being nice, you should be someone like Ben.¡±
¡°Someone like Ben?¡±
¡°Yeah. Inconsiderate, obsessive, and self-absorbed. That¡¯s the kind of person Ben is. There¡¯s no doubt that he was decently popular at school before the rumors about him and Gwen came out, so maybe it works, but think about it. Is that the kind of person you want to be if it means that girls will talk to you?¡±
¡°Well no, but¡¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯d want to live in a world where being nice is seen as a bad thing. Would you?¡±
At her words, my heart thumped in my chest. ¡°Well, no, but¡ what if I really am boring? Like, what about someone like Lawrence? He¡¯s nice too. Shouldn¡¯t I try to be more like him?¡±
¡°Well, he can be nice sometimes. But he¡¯s someone who¡¯s sneakier about how awful they are.¡±
¡°Awful? You mean how he gets around with girls at school?¡±
¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t tell you, did I?¡±
¡°Tell me? About what?¡±
She reached over and grabbed her laptop computer from near the head of her bed. Then, once she opened it up, she smiled at me and tapped the empty space to her left on the bed.
¡°Bring my glasses too.¡±
¡°H-huh? Uh, sure.¡±
The sudden invitation had left me flustered, but I quickly shook it off and grabbed the glasses case then brought it over to her.
Though I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what she might have had on her computer that would explain Lawrence¡¯s womanizing habits, I was much more concerned with the fact that the two of us were sitting almost shoulder to shoulder on her bed. I thought that I had blown it earlier, but somehow things were even better now than they were before.
¡°Okay,¡± she said. ¡°Now hold this.¡±
After putting the glasses on, she placed the computer on my lap then stood up. ¡°Okay, sure. But what am I¡¡± I stared down at the computer screen and¡
And I was greeted by a shocking revelation.
¡°Wait, seriously?¡±
Staring back at me on the screen was a video of myself, seated on the bed of Zoey¡¯s room. The composition was so accurate to the current situation that it felt like a live video. I looked up and found Zoey wearing a smug grin while staring down at me.
Her eyes were leveled at exactly where this supposed camera would be. Just to make sure, I lifted my arm then stared down at the video. And sure enough, the ¡®me¡¯ on the camera mimicked my action.
It made sense at last. How she got those pictures of me, it all finally made sense in that moment.
¡°Those were¡ spy glasses?¡±
¡°Aren¡¯t they just the coolest?¡±
She fell back onto the bed with a satisfied look on her face, folding her arms proudly. After examining them more closely now that she was next to me, I could see lenses disguised as screws on the front of the frame.
¡°Is that legal?¡±
¡°Dunno, it probably is. I think everyone would be mad if they knew, though. But you know what? It¡¯s fine. You gave up your secret so it¡¯s only fair that I return the favor, right?¡±
Spy glasses and secret holes in the wall. It appeared to me as if Zoey was a super voyeur. I wasn¡¯t sure how to feel about it, but I decided to wait until she was done explaining everything to form an opinion.
¡°So anyway, about Lawrence¡¡±
She took the computer from me and began navigating through the directory until she got to a folder titled ¡°Lawrence Y.¡±
There, we found a large archive of videos of Lawrence taken by Zoey. It was a collection so vast that it sent shivers down my spine. The fact that everyone at school was under surveillance without their knowledge was something I had difficulty accepting.
¡°Hmmm, I think it was this one.¡±
She opened one of the videos, this one titled: ¡°Lawrence¡¯s True Face.¡±
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - III
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
1PM on Fridays. During sophomore year, Law¡¯s free periods were around that time. I waited patiently in front of the Political Science club¡¯s front door. Of course, even at the time, I, as well as a few of the girls at school, had heard vague rumors of his womanizing antics.
However, I accepted his call without hesitation. Once we became seniors, I thought, Lawrence would easily have one of the larger voices at school. Future captain of the basketball team, charismatic, attractive...
If I wanted to maintain my good standings with the other students, it was almost impossible to ignore the calls of someone that popular. And so, I decided to wait. Perhaps meeting him alone in a situation like that was risky, having heard of the way he treated other girls. But I trusted myself to pull through. I don¡¯t fail in situations like these.
I adjusted my glasses while examining my nails. There were a number of ways that this meeting could have gone, and I did my best to account for every possible angle. However, I am only human. Chances are that I would end up having to improvise. But even in a situation where improvising became a necessity, I still felt confident in myself.
¡°Hey.¡± Lawrence approached from behind.
¡°Hello.¡± I followed the sound of his voice and turned to face him with a wave of my wrist.
¡°I¡¯m not keeping you from your girlfriends, am I?¡± I asked.
¡°Girlfriends? I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°Oh yeah?¡±
I was most likely more aware of Lawrence¡¯s track record at that time than anyone else was. During our first year of high school, he made a name for himself by dating Krista, a fellow first year at the time, who is currently the captain of the cheer squad.
The two of them dated for most of the year until it came out that he had been cheating on her with an upperclassman. The whole thing exploded because she was apparently using him to get back at Krista over some cheerleader drama.
Ever since that relationship ended, Lawrence went on a streak. At that point during our second year, he had relations with approximately 12 girls that I was aware of. It¡¯s a small number compared to the mountain he¡¯s climbed since then, but he was still going through far too many girls for someone his age.
¡°Let¡¯s head inside, shall we?¡±
He unlocked the door using a key and entered the room, and I followed behind him. Once inside, while I was still taking in my new surroundings, he quickly shuffled behind me and locked the door. The act was like a hunter scurrying to lock its prey on the inside of a cage. It was in stark contrast to the cool demeanor he had been putting on display just moments ago.
¡°That isn¡¯t creepy at all.¡±
¡°Really? You¡¯re going to talk about creepy?¡± He turned to lean against the door and eyed me intently.
¡°I¡¯m not blind, Zoey. So if there¡¯s something you want to say, why don¡¯t you come out and say it?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not sure what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°Oh, really? You haven¡¯t been watching me real close for the past few weeks? Yeah, that¡¯s right. I know you¡¯ve wanted to meet me in private too.¡± He spread his arms out, as if presenting himself as a gift to me. ¡°So here I am.¡±
¡°So here you are.¡± My eyes scanned the area.
It felt like I was in a storeroom with the abundance of dust floating through the air. There were desks stacked upon desks all arranged near the corners of the room. This place probably hadn¡¯t been used in a while. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder how Lawrence managed to get the keys, but it wasn¡¯t the time to ask about that.
¡°You don¡¯t have to feel bad about it, Zoey. After all, I¡¯ve been thinking about you a lot too, you know.¡± He pushed himself off the door and walked toward me. His daunting, basketball player figure approached me without a shred of insecurity, or even self-awareness. ¡°You¡¯re cute. And I¡¯m not just saying that, really, I¡¯m not. I think you¡¯re the most beautiful girl I¡¯ve ever seen.¡±
He moved his hand towards me carefully, then took my spy glasses off my face. ¡°I knew it.¡±
He smiled gently while folding the arms of the glasses, his eyes still intently locked on mine.
¡°Your eyes are like precious gemstones. I want to have them all to myself.¡±
I had expected something of the sort, but his aggression might have been beyond my calculations. It took everything in my power to resist making fun of him, and every other girl who fell for this corny attitude of his. I suppose that if you¡¯ve never been hit on before then something like this might work, though.
¡°I appreciate it Law, I really do.¡± I put on a fake smile, and he seemed to grin in response. ¡°But,¡± I said, as I snatched my glasses from his grasp. ¡°As much as your words mean to me, as I mentioned before, I¡¯ve heard rumors about you.¡±
¡°Rumors? I don¡¯t know what you think you heard, but they¡¯re probably not true.¡± I looked away in order to put the glasses back on.
¡°Well, you cheated on Krista in freshman year, right?¡±
¡°Oh, that.¡± I could hear him sigh behind me, as if he had rehearsed this hundreds of times before and was just going through the motions. ¡°It was a dumb mistake. I didn¡¯t love her anymore, but I didn¡¯t have the courage to break up with her. I shouldn¡¯t have done it.¡±
His words hung in the air for a moment. Actually, that isn¡¯t quite accurate. I chose to let them hang. I allowed him to seep in his own over-reasoned excuse rather than continuing the conversation.
¡°I really mean that,¡± he said. ¡°I messed up. I¡¯m honestly not proud of it, but I¡¯ve learned from my mistakes. I¡¯ve been thinking about you a lot lately, and I really want to make it work with you.¡±
Once he uttered those words, he circled around to my face and made eye contact. ¡°Zoey¡¡±
¡°You¡¯ve been with other girls since then though, right?¡±
¡°Really? Like who?¡±
It¡¯s not even funny how sly he was being. He made no attempt to deny it. His only goal was to fish out how much I knew. I could tell that he was used to lying about his habits. I had counted 12 girls, which is a damning enough number, but I didn¡¯t feel comfortable laying all my cards on the table at that moment.
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¡°So you admit to it?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not admitting to anything. I just want to know what you think you know.¡±
¡°You know Lawrence, there¡¯s no point in hiding it. Even if it¡¯s not public knowledge now, your activities are going to get out to the rest of the school eventually.¡±
¡°Well, for that to happen, I¡¯d have to know what activities you¡¯re talking about.¡±
Lawrence¡¯s refusal to play into my hand was irrationally tenacious. The fact that I had gotten that far should have been evidence enough that I had a general idea of his salacious habits. And yet, he continued to maintain plausible deniability. ¡°The only one on my mind is you, Zoey. You and those gemstones of yours that follow me wherever I go.¡±
His eyes stared into my soul with almost laser-sharp intensity. His feelings were palpable. It was enough to make my skin crawl. This man¡¯s desire to devour all girls in his path was quite frankly unnerving. If I hadn¡¯t been there with a specific mission in mind, it would¡¯ve been difficult to avoid throwing up on the spot.
I smiled. ¡°You¡¯re quite the wordsmith, aren¡¯t you?¡±
¡°I can be whatever you want me to be.¡±
¡°That so?¡± I walked away from him and leaned back on one of the desks near the walls. His eyes followed me the entire time, like a lion stalking a gazelle. ¡°You know, what if I told you that I came here because I had all of those little soldiers lined up and ready to shoot?¡±
¡°Soldiers?¡± he asked.
¡°Really? Still? Aren¡¯t you a sore loser?¡± I sighed. ¡°Okay, how about this then? I¡¯m going to start listing the names of all those girls. You¡¯re free to play dumb if you want, I¡¯m not going to hold it against you. But if you insist on it even after I¡¯m done, then I¡¯m not responsible for what happens next.¡±
He appeared flabbergasted for a moment, but he quickly restrained himself and held firm. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
A wicked smile spread across my face almost reflexively. ¡°Oh, is that so?¡± I began slowly walking along the edge of the abandoned clubroom. Dragging my hand along the desks, I shut my eyes and began reciting everything I had memorized.
¡°Let¡¯s see¡ Kim Nguyen, first year, art club. Fiona Harris, first year, chess club. Chelsea Walker, second year, creative writing club. Chris Robinson, second year, fashion club. Margaret Parker, second year, drama club. Noel Phillips, third year, anime club. Hana Reyez, third year, history club. Lil-¡±
¡°Jesus Christ, fine, I get it already.¡±
He lifted his head up to the ceiling in anguish. ¡°Oh, really? I was just getting started though.¡±
¡°You¡¯re a piece of work, you know that? Were you stalking me or something? Is that why you were watching me all that time?¡±
¡°Who knows?¡±
He was rattled. Judging by his reaction, the possibility that he had been bragging to his friends aside, this was the first time any of the girls at school had been aware of what he was doing.
Well, it wasn¡¯t easy for me to get my hands on that information. He was surprisingly careful about it.
He scouted girls based on categories like year, clubs, and friend groups. Meticulously, he narrowed down any opportunities for his targets to associate with one another. He went from first year to second year to third year to fourth year, then rotated the circle. This wasn¡¯t just instinct for him, he had an extremely well-thought-out rhythm that guided his every move.
¡°So what do you think¡¯s gonna happen now that you¡¯ve brought this up? Blackmail? Do you want money or something?¡±
¡°Money?¡± I giggled. ¡°No, no Lawrence. I don¡¯t care about your parents¡¯ allowance.¡±
¡°So what then?¡± He was gritting his teeth. Loathe as he was to admit it, I had him right where I wanted him. That¡¯s what I believed.
¡°First, I want you to stay away from any current and future female members of the photography club, myself included. Second, I¡¯m going to need your phone number. I want to be kept in the loop on the popular kids. Who likes who, who dislikes who, who has plans for whatever. Give me everything I ask for.¡±
¡°What? I¡¯m not going to do any of that. Seriously?¡±
¡°This isn¡¯t just about me leaking this, Lawrence. It¡¯s about your own protection. Do you really think you can keep going like this without getting found out?¡±
¡°It¡¯s been going well so far.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s not. The reason you stopped flirting with first years is because Kim and Fiona both blabbed to everyone about going out with a certain upperclassman on the basketball team. The rumors have already begun. You¡¯re going to get outed sooner or later.¡±
He clicked his tongue. ¡°So what? Doesn¡¯t that hurt you then? You¡¯re talking about blackmail or whatever, but if this gets out then I don¡¯t have to listen to your bullshit, do I?¡±
¡°No, but I can easily smooth it out when it does.¡±
¡°Oh you can, huh?¡±
¡°You might already be aware of this, but the photography club functions as a hub for every club¡¯s existence at this school. We do our best to take high quality photographs and not only market events and activities, but also create memories for the entire student body. That¡¯s right, everyone who is anyone at this school has been through the doors of the photography club. This means that, as the leader of the club, I have everyone¡¯s ear.¡±
He couldn¡¯t deny it. Of course not. The whole reason he was so hesitant to approach me to begin with was probably because of my popularity. Ever since the Krista incident, he had been avoiding girls with large voices in the school body. It¡¯s easy for a popular girl to let the whole school know what happened after getting their heart broken. But that said, even if they¡¯re not popular, if you mess with enough girls, then the truth is going to come out eventually.
¡°I¡¯ll smooth it out for you. You¡¯ll be known as a playboy, but it won¡¯t affect your daily life. You¡¯ll still be able to devour as many girls as you want. Do what I say, and I will make it happen.¡±
¡°Oh, you will? Just like that? And all I have to do is tell you all of my friends¡¯ secrets? Well thank you very much for that.¡±
He pouted, but I was certain that he recognized it as an opportunity too good to pass up. He knew the boys would take it well, but his reputation among the girls would be completely destroyed. He would be hard pressed to satisfy his addiction in that situation. ¡°What, is the pot not sweet enough for the Law?¡±
¡°Of course not.¡±
His eyes refocused on me with new vigor as he wet his lips. It might have been because he was cornered, but whatever semblance of charisma he had left was completely dissipated. He appeared far more desperate than normal.
¡°It¡¯s not happening.¡±
¡°Really? Unfortunate for you. I¡¯ll figure out how to deal with it on my own then.¡±
¡°Hmmm. Okay, how about this?¡± I lifted myself off the ground and took a seat on one of the desks, lifting my right knee up to my head and letting my left leg dangle off the surface.
¡°Why don¡¯t I use my connections to pick out girls that would make easy targets for you?¡±
¡°Huh?¡± He paused to think about it for a moment. ¡°Well, you know... at that point you¡¯re kind of an accomplice, right?¡±
¡°That¡¯s just how valuable your information is to me.¡±
He looked down to contemplate it for a moment. ¡°Zoey, I¡¯m sorry, but this is weird. If you really wanted to get that information, couldn¡¯t you just get closer to them yourself? Everyone likes you, you know. They like you even more than they like me or Krista. And here you are, blackmailing me to get dirt on other popular kids.¡±
¡°Are you curious about why I¡¯m doing this?¡±
¡°Are you going to answer me?¡±
I paused for a moment. It¡¯s probably for the same reason that he was running through all those girls. There was no grand plan. There was no goal of dominating the school or anything. I simply get off on seeing the sides of people that they keep hidden from the public. It¡¯s an insatiable desire that I can¡¯t ever seem to get rid of.
If there¡¯s any reason I haven¡¯t gone out with anyone before, it¡¯s because that pleasure excites me more than any one person ever will. I will admit that there was a part of me that felt like opening up to him. After all, he was going to be my new partner in crime. But after observing him for months on end, I understood Lawrence¡¯s character. As corny as he is, if I give him an in, he probably won¡¯t ever get out of my head. All my preparations since then existed in order to avoid giving him that in.
I tilted my head and smiled.
¡°No chance in hell.¡±
¡°I figured¡ I¡¯ll have to think about it then.¡±
¡°Oh,¡± I said. ¡°And the third thing.¡±
¡°The third thing¡?¡±
¡°I get one favor from you at some point in the future. And you have to listen, no matter what.¡±
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - IV
¡°Well, ever since that day, I got the feeling that he was using his free periods to meet girls in that abandoned club room, so during Junior year I had the school move us to the room next door so that I could look in on his antics.¡±
¡°I¡ see¡¡±
There was a knot in my stomach. To think that Lawrence had a similar relationship with Zoey all this time. I suddenly didn¡¯t feel very special at all. Had she invited him over to her house too? I began wavering. That video felt far too personal. Like I was looking into another world that I should never have seen.
¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± She hovered her face right in front of mine, inspecting whatever expression I was making at the time. I looked away nervously.
¡°Oh. Uh, nothing.¡±
¡°Are you jealous?¡±
¡°N-no, not at all.¡±
¡°You are, right?¡±
¡°No¡¡±
¡°Looks like it to me.¡±
¡°Maybe a little...¡± My face was burning up. I wanted nothing more than to just disappear forever. At my reaction, she folded her laptop and stood up.
¡°Well, if it helps, I¡¯ll have you know that my relationship with Law is strictly business. I send him information on girls, and he lets me know about what¡¯s going on with people like Benjamin. That information came in handy today, didn¡¯t it?¡± She was right. If she hadn¡¯t known that Ben was on a rampage today, then maybe I wouldn¡¯t have been able to talk my way out of his grilling.
After plopping herself down on the office chair, she spun around to face me and grinned.
¡°You already know way more about me than he does, so you shouldn¡¯t worry about him.¡±
She patted my head gently.
¡°But, don¡¯t you like¡ watch that stuff he does?¡±
¡°What, and you didn¡¯t like watching it? I saw you, you know. Your eyes were all over Suzie.¡±
My face turned red. I couldn¡¯t deny it. ¡°It¡ it looked like fun, okay?¡±
¡°Yeah, see? There¡¯s no harm in it. I like cute boys, and you like cute girls. That¡¯s all there is to it.¡±
¡°Yeah...¡±
She said there wasn¡¯t more to it, but that¡¯s not what it felt like to me. Because I know that if she truly wanted to, she could start going out with Lawrence at any point. Her words might have helped me rationalize most of what I felt, but the emotional core of my jealousy would not go away that easily.
¡°So anyway, tell me about your powers! How do you do it? Can you hack me right now? Go on, hack me, Tristan. Have your way with me.¡± She leaned forward in her chair with more excitement than I¡¯d ever seen in her before.
¡°W-wait, calm down. I can¡¯t do it.¡±
¡°You can¡¯t?¡±
¡°No, well. It only happens when I¡¯m asleep. I thought it was a dream, but apparently¡¡±
¡°Hmmm. A dream, huh?¡± She looked down in thought. ¡°Maybe you can only do it during REM sleep then. That¡¯s strange though.¡±
¡°It is?¡±
¡°Well, the first time you took over my body, I was definitely asleep. But the second time, it happened while I was wide awake.¡±
¡°Wide¡ awake?¡±
¡°Well, yeah. I had my suspicions about you yesterday, so I took a bunch of precautions.¡±
By precautions, she must have been referring to the stuff on her phone. She might have also stayed up in case it happened again.
¡°But,¡± she said. ¡°It was still quite the sensation. Having control of your own body wrested from you in that way. It was similar to experiencing sleep paralysis. And not only that, having some unknown entity shove you into the passenger seat like that is...¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry about that.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s fine. Once I knew what was going on, it was easy to regain control when I wanted to.¡±
Ah, come to think of it, I was suddenly expelled from her body after I realized what was going on. Is it because my powers aren¡¯t perfect? ¡°Then, you could¡¯ve stopped me from sending the text?¡±
¡°No, I was asleep at that time. I had no control over my body. It¡¯s not very easy to rouse yourself awake while experiencing a dream, you know. Getting hacked when I was asleep versus when I was awake were like two completely different experiences.¡±
It seemed as if her unconscious state prevented her from exerting control over her body.
¡°So I¡¯m thinking that, based on our two experiences so far, your power, which you can only activate during REM sleep, is only useful for taking over people who are also experiencing REM sleep. At the very least, that¡¯s when it¡¯s the most effective.¡±
She twirled her chair to face her study desk and began writing down this new set of information. ¡°Well, there¡¯s other things too¡¡±
¡°Other things?¡± She twirled back to face me.
¡°Well, when I was inside of you, I kind of¡ experienced the world differently.¡±
¡°Differently? Like, my eyesight was different? Hearing?¡±
¡°No, no, like our feelings. I felt the world the way you felt it. Like¡ How do I put it? When I went through your texts or I p-put my hands your¡ underwear drawer. I¡¯m really sorry about that by the way, I thought it was a dream!¡±
¡°Your feelings relating to those activities were a reflection of mine, then?¡±
I nodded. ¡°I didn¡¯t feel anything special about your underwear, and the texts¡ I hated them.¡±
¡°What about my memories? Did you have access to those? Is that how you knew my phone¡¯s password?¡±
¡°Uh, no. Not your actual memory, but your muscle memory. It was like your fingers knew the passcode without me even doing anything. I did memorize it the second time, though. It was 198030.¡±
She stared at my face with a look of blatant suspicion.
¡°Hmmmmm.¡±
¡°W-what?¡±
¡°Nooothing.¡±
She turned away and pouted. I wanted to tell her that it didn¡¯t seem like nothing when she makes faces like that, but I decided against it.
¡°But then wait a minute, why didn¡¯t you use my handwriting when writing that note?¡±
¡°The note? Oh¡¡±
She was talking about the apology note I wrote. It was certainly an insightful question. Why didn¡¯t I tap into her muscle memory?
¡°Were you thinking of anything specific when you did that?¡± she asked.
¡°Uh, yeah. I was trying to disguise my handwriting¡ oh.¡± Halfway into my answer, I realized where I messed up, and so did she.
¡°Then you consciously thought about how you¡¯d write it instead of just subconsciously tapping into my own handwriting. That¡¯s amusing. If you weren¡¯t so careful about hiding, you would have gotten away with it.¡±
I planted my face into my palm with such force that Zoey¡¯s mom would probably misunderstand what was happening in her daughter¡¯s room if she¡¯d heard it.
¡°Hahaha, that¡¯s really funny¡ So then, how do you do it?¡±
¡°How do I¡?¡±
¡°I want to do it too. How do I do it? Is it like a s¨¦ance? Do you need to do some kind of ritual beforehand?¡±
¡°No, I¡¡±
¡°I told you all my secrets, you know? All the deepest, darkest, parts of me. So tell me. What did you have to do to hack me? Is it witchcraft?¡±
¡°Uhm¡¡± I sighed, deciding that there was no point in fighting. But explaining to her the steps would be kind of embarrassing. ¡°Like I said, it was an accident. I didn¡¯t know it was going to happen. So the second time, I only repeated the steps from the first night.¡±
¡°What steps are those?¡±
¡°I¡ I just thought about you a lot before going to bed.¡±
She stared at me with a blank expression. ¡°It¡¯s that easy?¡±
¡°Uh, I guess¡¡± She slumped into her chair and started thinking.
¡°I don¡¯t think doing something like that is uncommon¡ so there has to be something else¡ wait, why were you thinking about me? You¡¯re not in any clubs, and we barely talk.¡±
I gulped. As expected, she asked. Would I ever get a better chance than this? Probably not. It was now or never.
I held my breath, exhaled, then stared at her with as much determination as I could muster.
¡°I¡ I was thinking about how to ask you to the homecoming dance.¡±
¡°Oh.¡± She went back to thinking, then turned to face me. ¡°Sure. I¡¯ll go to the dance with you.¡±
¡°R-really?¡±
¡°Well, not really. I do want to keep our ties a secret. But¡ I think we can share a dance or two if you¡¯re fine with it.¡±
My mind went completely blank except for three words: Oh my god.
I was going to dance with Zoey at homecoming. I was so happy that I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs. And at my elated expression, she grinned.
¡°Try not to get too excited. I¡¯m going to be taking pictures the entire time, so it depends on whether I get a chance to sneak away or not.¡±
¡°Ah, right.¡± I blushed.
¡°So, what do you think? Could you use those feelings to hack me right now?¡±
¡°Hack you¡? Well¡ I am kind of tired. I could try taking a nap.¡±
¡°To take a REM nap, you¡¯d need to go unconscious for about 90 minutes, so don¡¯t worry about anything. Just think about Friday until you enter my body.¡±
I nodded and reached into my bag which had been laying on the floor and pulled out my melatonin bottle. Then, after twisting the lid open, I took a capsule out and swallowed it whole.
¡°Without a drink, huh? You look like you¡¯re used to doing that,¡± she said.
¡°Oh, yeah. I¡¯ve had trouble sleeping for a while now, so these are just normal for me.¡±
¡°Hmmm.¡±
She seemed curious about something, but I decided instead to focus on the task at hand. She said to think of Friday, and when I did, warm, fluttering feelings danced around in my chest. Could I even sleep while this excited? Plus, and this is embarrassing to admit, I had been grappling with an uncomfortably raging erection. ¡°Um, could I use your bed?¡±
¡°Go right ahead.¡±
After confirming with her that it was okay, I laid down on her bed while facing her. I gazed at the majesty of her figure. She turned back to her study desk to write something down, but I couldn¡¯t see it. However, that was the last thing I cared about at that point.
If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.
After all...
Zoey Brahm was going to dance with me. The girl of my dreams. And, when you consider the fact that I was already in her room, it was easy to see how I was riding on cloud nine at that moment.
To be honest, I kind of wished that she would have joined me in the bed, but I decided that it would probably be pushing my luck. I didn¡¯t want to ruin her impression of me. I had already messed up by insulting her and Mao earlier. All thanks to Ben. His advice was so awful that it¡¯s a wonder that I even tried it at all. Someone having experience doesn¡¯t mean that they¡¯re an expert, after all.
When I realized that my thoughts were drifting toward Ben, I shook my head and refocused. I needed to avoid other people in case it got in the way of the hack.
Zoey, Zoey¡
¡°Mmmnnn¡¡± I was extremely tired, so falling asleep wasn¡¯t too difficult.
Before I realized it, my consciousness had already faded.
---
My reality warped, and I was inside Zoey¡¯s body for the third time. The miracle of whatever this phenomenon was would never fail to impress me.
To actually become someone else, to share their body, there really was nothing like it. This time was different though. This time, I was aware that she would be watching my every move. She had entrusted her body to me this time. And this time, I would do my best to experiment with this in order to understand this power better.
The first thing I did was turn back to face the bed. There, I found my unconscious body resting without a care in the world. The power to possess someone else¡¯s body was weird enough on its own, but it was surreal to watch myself sleeping there from an outside perspective. However, I got the nagging sensation that my attention should be else where, and ended up looking down at Zoey¡¯s desk. There, I found a note that appeared to have been intended for me.
I¡¯m writing this at 6:38pm. I want you to take my cellphone and glasses case and hide them behind the coffee machine without my mom noticing. This is related to the cooler I had you bring over. Sorry for not relaying this to you beforehand, I didn¡¯t want to add any interfering thoughts to your hacking.
I checked her phone. It was already 7:52pm.
My (her) head turned to the window, and I found that it had already become dark outside. I really had been sleeping for a while. It appeared that her REM theory might have been on the mark. It seemed as if I could only hack her while dreaming.
Well, there was no real point in delaying it that much. It took a while to actually get to that point, after all.
I slipped the phone into my (her) pocket, grabbed the glasses case, and exited the room.
Once in the hallway, I was consumed by the darkness. It appeared that the lights hadn¡¯t been turned on yet, so I wasn¡¯t entirely sure where I should have been heading. However, almost without my knowing, I reached out and immediately flicked on the light switch.
¡°Oh,¡± I said aloud.
My own actions had surprised me. I had no idea where the light switch was, and yet I had turned it on without thinking. It was the muscle memory again. Zoey probably flicked that light switch so often that her body just instinctively knew where it was. Having hacked Zoey a few times, I was becoming aware of how many of a living thing¡¯s actions are just subconscious mannerisms that we¡¯ve worked into our body by repeating them.
¡°Woof!¡± Once the light came on, Mao immediately ran out to greet me.
¡°Woof woof!¡±
The brown terrier barked at me with as much excitement as he had when he first saw me in this hall. ¡°Woof! Grrr¡¡±
And, feeling playful, he decided to sink his teeth into my (Zoey¡¯s) toe.
¡°Ow!¡±
I pulled away as carefully as I could until his resistance faltered and he let go. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure how old Mao was, but it was entirely possible that he was still teething.
¡°Woof! Woof, woof!¡±
¡°Mao, sit.¡±
At my command, he sat enthusiastically. It was a good thing that Zoey trained her dog to be this obedient. ¡°Stay. I¡¯ll be back, okay?¡±
¡°Woof!¡± I sighed and headed down the stairs.
The sound of the TV, which had barely been audible while I was upstairs, was filling up the entirety of the first floor. Her mom appeared to be watching a talk show that just started, so it was safe to assume that she wasn¡¯t going to pay me any attention.
¡°You used a condom, right?¡±
Scratch that, she was still Zoey¡¯s mom. I decided to ignore her and headed over to the kitchen, holding the glasses case in the hand facing away from the living room. If I were in my own body, my heart would¡¯ve been pounding out of my chest doing this.
But as Zoey¡¯s feelings flowed into me, this whole thing felt like it would be a cakewalk. There was nothing to fear here.
The conclusion I came to once I arrived was that, if I were to do this, I would need to disguise my reason for coming down. I couldn¡¯t just casually waltz into the kitchen, scoot the coffee machine over, then head back up. That would raise far too many questions if she were even remotely attentive.
Maybe Zoey was just getting a drink for her guest? Disguising my actions using that premise seemed like a good idea. Tapping into Zoey¡¯s muscle memory, I reached to open one of the cabinets and correctly guessed which ones contained the cups used for drinking water.
Then, after grabbing two of them and setting them down next to the coffee maker, I opened the fridge and grabbed a pitcher full of water that had been standing out front on the shelf.
Carefully, I poured the contents into the cups, then placed the pitcher onto the counter.
My eyes shifted back to Zoey¡¯s mom.
She didn¡¯t seem to be paying me any attention.
Thinking that, I scooted the coffee maker up from against the wall and slid Zoey¡¯s glasses case into the opening. Then, I quickly followed with her phone before moving the coffee maker back in place.
And as soon as I did, my consciousness blurred once more.
---
Zoey returned to the room with a tray that carried two plates, each with about five small sandwiches, and two glasses of water.
¡°Were you okay with water?¡± she asked. ¡°It¡¯s a special occasion after all.¡±
¡°Ugh, whatever. I panicked and took the water, okay? Doesn¡¯t matter to me.¡±
¡°Woah, you¡¯re grumpy all of a sudden.¡±
¡°I feel like shit. I never want to nap again...¡±
¡°Long naps will do that to you.¡± She took a bite of her sandwich. ¡°Why were you panicking, though?¡±
¡°What are you on about now¡?¡±
¡°You talked about how you inherit my feelings while in my body, right? I¡¯m going to be honest, I wasn¡¯t panicked at all. If anything went wrong, I was ready to take control from you and rectify the situation, so you shouldn¡¯t have felt anxious about anything.¡±
¡°Oh, really?¡±
Thinking back, she certainly wasn¡¯t wrong. I did feel unusually calm about the whole situation. So why did I grab the pitcher of water?
¡°What do you usually get from the fridge, Zoey?¡±
¡°Me? I usually drink water¡ oh. Hmm.¡±
Yeah, it was all starting to make sense. It seemed as if, when it came to subconscious decision making, the body defers to the original owner¡¯s ¡®auto-pilot¡¯ rather than mine. I definitely would have picked juice over the water pitcher under normal circumstances. Yet, when I gave her body the command to ¡®get a drink from the fridge¡¯, it obeyed it in the way that it usually would have. However, that wasn¡¯t the only strange thing that had happened during the hack.
¡°Uhm, by the way, is the spot that Mao bit still painful?¡± I asked.
¡°Hmm? Oh yeah, a little bit.¡±
¡°Well¡ I still feel it.¡±
¡°You do?¡± It could have been ghost pain, but it felt far too real to be something as vague as that.
¡°It can¡¯t be the case that your soul links up with mine or anything during a hack, right?¡± she asked.
¡°Souls? Do you actually believe in them?¡± The conversation was taking a shape that I could no longer follow. Inheriting feelings with her body, taking her pain back with me, this power was completely incomprehensible to me.
¡°This just gets more interesting by the minute.¡±
But Zoey, like an honest to God scientist, seemed to be enjoying building her hypothesis around these strange powers. She bit into another sandwich and began writing more things down in her notebook.
Though, I didn¡¯t entirely dislike the situation. Having something that could make her this elated to spend time with me was a good thing. I was glad to be someone that she found interesting.
¡°Okay, so here¡¯s what we know.¡±
Once she was done writing, she decided to summarize our current knowledge of the dream hacking ability based on the information we had gathered so far in a neatly made document.
1. Hacking can only be activated during my REM sleep.
2. In order to select a target, I need to think about them obsessively right before falling asleep.
3. The target still has access to senses such as sight, sound, and smells while hacked.
4. If the target isn¡¯t also sleeping, then the target can easily rescind control once they¡¯re aware of what¡¯s happening.
5. The way in which the target experiences life, including their feelings towards people or things, as well as their own personal preferences, all influence me while I¡¯m in their body.
6. I am able to tap into the target¡¯s muscle memory in order to do things in the way they normally would.
7. I am unable to access the target¡¯s inner thoughts or memories.
8. Any physiological changes to the target¡¯s body such as wounds are reflected onto my own body.
¡°We can call this the Laws of Dream Paralysis,¡± she said.
¡°Dream Paralysis?¡±
¡°Yeah, the hacking. Remember how I said it felt like sleep paralysis? Well, I think from the victim¡¯s perspective, Dream Paralysis is a good term for it.¡±
¡°Oh, I see.¡± I looked at her notebook and read the laws over again.
¡°As far as our information gathering goes,¡± Zoey said. ¡°Numbers 3 and 4 were the only things I was completely aware of before talking to you. Being able to witness all your actions in full detail, as well as feeling complete control over my body when you hacked me the second time helped in that regard. I had a hunch about number 6 and 7, muscle memory vs pure memory access, based on how quickly you inputted my phone¡¯s passcode. If it were something like reading my memory, then you wouldn¡¯t have inputted it as if it were second nature. But a part of me couldn¡¯t dismiss the fact that you might have that kind of power. Numbers 1 and 2, the requirements for you to hack someone, I had no idea about. I had just assumed that you targeted me at night because of my ability to rescind control while awake. As for number 5¡¡±
She tapped the fifth discovery.
The ability to experience a person¡¯s feelings.
¡°It¡¯s not quite the same as accessing someone¡¯s memories or reading their mind, but it¡¯s close. You¡¯re able to parse through how someone ¡®feels¡¯ about things. With it, just by thinking, you¡¯re able to discover things like their favorite foods, their hobbies, who they like, who they dislike¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s terrifying,¡± I interrupted her.
¡°You think so too, huh?¡±
¡°Yeah. I don¡¯t think I¡¯d want anyone to peek at my feelings like that.¡±
The more Zoey told me about Dream Paralysis, the more conscious I became of how evil these powers truly were.
If this power were given to a hero in a comic book, I have no doubt that it would be spun in a positive light somehow. There would be an endless number of justifications given to the hero for them to use their powers unilaterally at their own discretion.
But since these powers are my reality, I¡¯m forced to grapple with the weight of its morality.
¡°I think it might be wrong to use these powers.¡±
¡°Really? No matter what?¡±
¡°Like, just now. What would¡¯ve happened if I peeked into your feelings and found something you¡¯d rather keep hidden?¡±
¡°Hmmmmm.¡° She looked down with a hand on her chin to think for a moment, then smiled. ¡°Well, that¡¯s fine for now. We can talk about it later.¡±
¡°Later?¡±
¡°You came to work on your paper, right?¡± She gestured to the laptop.
¡°Oh, yeah. Right¡¡±
Though I traded places with her and took the seat at her study table, I wasn¡¯t exactly in the right head space to be working on a paper. My head still felt like it had been put in a washing machine because of the nap.
No, even without that, there were so many thoughts running through my head at that moment. And above all of those is the fact that, despite my blunder earlier, I was now capable of having a conversation with Zoey.
I wondered what Lance would say if he could see this. Would he be happy for me? Or would he continue talking about how disappointed he was in my taste in women? Just what did he not like about Zoey, anyway?
She had been nothing but nice to me so far. Sure, it might have been because she was curious about my power, but does it matter what I use to get my foot in the door? Even if she never really spoke to me much before she figured it out...
No, I remembered, she was nice to me even during our conversation at lunch. It seemed more likely to me that he just hadn¡¯t seen that side of her before. Her intellect, her poise, her compassion, it all culminated into the amazing human being that was sitting before me. Why couldn¡¯t he see what was so great about her? It boggled my mind how closed minded he could be sometimes.
That line of thought made me curious about her opinions of him. If she said bad things about him, then I would have to defend him as his friend. But at the very least it would mean that their feelings were mutual.
¡°Hey Zoey, what do you think about Lance?¡±
¡°Lance? Your friend from this morning?¡± I nodded.
¡°He seems pretty smart. I like him. I¡¯d like you to introduce me to him properly at some point. Oh, I guess we¡¯re keeping our connection a secret. Never mind, pretend I didn¡¯t say that.¡±
I was so upset at how effortlessly he received her praises that it probably would have been better if she ran him into the ground. I sighed.
¡°He¡¯s going to be pretty upset if you sit around daydreaming instead of working on your paper, though.¡±
¡°Sorry, I just have a hard time focusing on school stuff¡¡±
¡°Oh yeah, I totally get that. I always end up getting bored and scrolling through something completely unrelated.¡±
¡°Right?! Eventually I end up giving in and playing video games or something. I don¡¯t know how you get through studying the way you do.¡±
¡°By listening to music.¡±
¡°Music? But¡ wouldn¡¯t that distract you?¡±
¡°No, you just need to know what to listen to. Here, I¡¯ll play something for you. Open the desk drawer right next to your leg, there should be some Bluetooth speakers in there.¡± I did as she said and placed the Bluetooth speakers onto the desk next to the laptop after turning them on.
¡°Hang on, let me just connect to them, and¡ there.¡±
A sharp, metallic bassline, harmonizing with consistent drumming and eventually, icy-cool male vocals filled the room. It was a song I recognized almost immediately.
¡°Wait, this is¡ god. It¡¯s coming back, hang on. Right, this is Radiohead, right?¡±
¡°Oh, you know them?¡±
¡°Know them? My dad used to listen to them nonstop. I¡¯m surprised that someone our age likes them too.¡±
I honestly wasn¡¯t too much of a fan. I had gotten sick of listening to Radiohead when I was ten years old thanks to my dad, but I decided to play into it if it meant getting on Zoey¡¯s good side.
¡°Like them? I absolutely love them! Your dad has great taste. Here.¡±
She reached down underneath her bed and pulled out a large vinyl record case. I recognized it as the cover for their album ¡°OK Computer¡±, whose contents we were currently listening to.
¡°I don¡¯t have a record player, but I got this one since I love it so much. Every song just has so much character. You could tell they really put their all into it. It¡¯s absolutely magical. I love listening to it while studying. It¡¯s gotten me through a ton of really boring classes.¡±
¡°Oh, wow. You¡¯re more passionate about them than I thought.¡±
She bobbed her head rhythmically while looking down at her record.
¡°I want to get all five of their signatures on this one day.¡±
It seemed like I had stumbled my way into something very personal for her. Slowly but surely, I was learning more and more about the girl named Zoey Brahm.
I turned back to the laptop and began typing away in the text document before me. For some reason, I found it much easier to concentrate this time. The atmosphere was like something out of a dream. I was munching on sandwiches and working hard on my paper, right next to the girl that I loved, all to the nostalgic sounds of Radiohead¡¯s OK Computer. It was the second out of body experience I had had that day.
Perhaps my dad was onto something with this album. I wished from the bottom of my heart that my time in this moment would last forever.
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - V
I ran out of steam at about 10pm. I had done as much research and formatting on this paper as I could have with the stamina I had available, so I went ahead and e-mailed my work to myself. Once done, I stretched and let out a yawn. The fatigue had taken its toll on me. The time for schoolwork had come and gone, and it was now time to finally take a break.
¡°Hey Zoey, what¡¯re you up to?¡±
¡°Mmnn¡¡± She was sleeping soundly on her side while carelessly letting out soft murmurs every now and then. I wondered when it was exactly that she ended up falling asleep.
As embarrassing as it is to admit, I was too worried about looking creepy to take any glances in her direction the entire time. I was zoned into working as hard as I could for the entire two hours.
She did leave at some point to walk Mao, but that was an hour before I was done. She was now so soundly asleep that I felt bad even being in the same room as her. Unfortunately, I would have to rouse her from her sleep regardless. She still had plans for the cooler we stashed out back, and plus, there was no place for me to sleep.
Not unless you counted the floor, the chair, or¡. the empty side of her bed.
I gulped while eyeing that daunting spot of her mattress.
It somehow felt forbidden, like everything I stood for would be forfeit if I went there. Yet it still called out to me like a whisper. Could I really do that without her permission? After all, wasn¡¯t it her fault for falling asleep without telling me what to do? I would just be going with my only available option.
As I was pointlessly rationalizing the crime of sharing her bed, I began to hear ruffling coming from under the sheets.
¡°Mmnn¡¡± Zoey rubbed her eyes and looked around in a daze.
¡°Oh, Tristan. Are you done?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. For now, anyway.¡±
¡°Okay.¡±
She let out a quiet yawn while covering her mouth. ¡°Do you wanna hack my mom?¡±
¡°Your¡ mom?¡±
¡°Well, yeah. We still have no idea if you can hack other people yet. It would be pretty weird if it was just me.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡±
¡°Yeah,¡± she interrupted. ¡°I get it. You think it¡¯s wrong. But listen, wouldn¡¯t it be better to find out now rather than later, by mistake? What if you accidentally hacked your friend Lance, or your own parents? Isn¡¯t it safer to learn about it now, in a controlled environment?¡±
She made a good point. Learning as much as I could about Dream Paralysis with her at my side was probably the best way to do it. In the first place, there was no guarantee that I¡¯d be able to figure any of this out without an outside perspective. She had already discovered so much about the ability in just the two days since she was hacked that I had to respect it.
If we looked at it as minimizing future damages, then I figured that it was the right thing to do.
¡°So anyway,¡± she continued. ¡°The glasses are connected to my phone¡¯s hotspot, so the feed goes straight to my laptop. The first thing I want you to do after hacking her is to go downstairs and put them on.¡±
So that was why she had me hide them behind the coffee machine. It would¡¯ve been weird for us to do a trade-off while I was in her body, after all.
¡°Uhuh, and then?¡±
¡°Then, I want you to drive down to the gas station and buy us a 6 pack of beer.¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Beer. I want some.¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Are you listening to me? I said I want beer.¡±
¡°No, but¡¡±
¡°We¡¯re not 21 yet, right? So isn¡¯t this like, a surefire way to get beer without getting in trouble? Sure, there are lots of tricks we could pull to try and buy some on our own, but they¡¯re all way too risky. Plus, my mom would toss me out if I got arrested.¡±
¡°Is that why you had me get a cooler full of ice?¡±
¡°Yeah. When you get back with the beer you can just leave it all right next to the cooler. I¡¯ll carry it all back up here before mom wakes up.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
My ethical justification for hacking her mother had just flown right out the window. She just wanted to get wasted. And besides that, I was once again keenly aware that, despite all of her intelligence, Zoey was still just another high school girl trying to score beer.
There was a conundrum that I had to face, however. Though I was content with waiting until I was 21 to drink, the prospect of doing it with Zoey was exciting to me. Is hacking someone I don¡¯t know that well against their will worth the beer, though?
¡°It would be easier if we could¡¯ve had you hack the guy at the gas station, but there¡¯s too much setup involved so it wouldn¡¯t work. Having to think about someone while falling into a deep sleep is just too inconvenient.¡±
¡°But, wouldn¡¯t she find out? I¡¯m gonna leave tons of clues behind.¡±
¡°Clues? I don¡¯t think so. If you use my car then everything should work out. She can go out into the yard and look for beer all she wants, but when she doesn¡¯t see anything, she¡¯ll be forced to accept that it was just a dream. I mean, if it weren¡¯t for the fact that you left that text to Ben behind, I wouldn¡¯t have known that any of the things you did in my body really happened.¡±
¡°I¡ guess.¡±
¡°Okay, great!¡± She reached over and grabbed something from under her pillow then handed it to me. It appeared to be a photograph. I grabbed it and took a quick glance, before realizing that it was a photograph of her mother in a bikini swimsuit.
¡°Zoey¡¡±
¡°What? You don¡¯t like it? I was hoping it¡¯d help you with your hacking if the photo was arousing.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s not that. Are you really okay with just showing guys pictures of your mom like this?¡±
¡°Sure, why not?¡±
No, it wasn¡¯t exactly a situation you said ¡®why not¡¯ to. Usually, you¡¯d have some sort of reservations about having a friend think dirty things about your mother. Why would she give me something like this?
¡°I trust you, Tristan. Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±
¡°I see¡¡± I smiled.
¡°Besides, my mom and I don¡¯t exactly have a normal relationship, you know.¡±
¡°Well, I get that, but¡¡±
¡°Truth be told, when I was seven, I walked in on her and my dad having sex.¡±
I blinked twice. What she said was so incomprehensible that it took everything I could to not yell out in surprise.
¡°It was scary, and I didn¡¯t understand it very well, but after searching the internet, I figured out what sex was. After that, whenever it was late, I would sneak around and try to catch them doing it¡ Tristan?¡±
¡°Huh? No, uhm. You just said something really strange, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Strange? Well, I am a bit strange, I suppose.¡± She stared deeply into my eyes with a grin.
¡°But you don¡¯t seem like a judgmental person, so I think it¡¯s fine to tell you about myself.¡±
While I was still shaken by the insanity of her story, I was more relieved that she trusted me to tell me even more intimate things about herself. It was a good omen. It meant that I was making progress with her.
Still, it sounded like the origin of her voyeuristic tendencies. I wasn¡¯t sure if it was okay to enable something like that, but I doubted that she would even listen to me. So for the time being, I would just have to go along with whatever she said.
¡°Uhm,¡± I started. ¡°Zoey, is it okay if I fall asleep while staring at this picture?¡±
She nodded, then got off the bed.
¡°Go ahead.¡±
She gestured to the spot in the bed that she was just lying in. There was a part of me that was giddy at the thought of sleeping in the same spot Zoey was just in earlier, but I placed those feelings on the back burner for the time being.
She trusted me, and I needed to respect that trust. My number one goal was to get the assignment done. And that meant clearing out any thoughts of Zoey, and focusing on her mom.
And focusing on her mom meant thinking about her while staring at that picture of her. Still, there was also was a part of me that felt wrong doing it. After all, it was quite an erotic picture, and I was staring at it, analyzing every curve of her body without her consent.
Doing this made me feel uncomfortable, so I decided to think about something outside of how attractive her mom was. Like how she didn¡¯t seem like a very good mother. She was very hands off with Zoey, and it led to her having to raise herself using the internet. And that thing about her not closing the door when she was in the act was another thing. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if there were some ill-intentions there.
Eventually, my eyes closed and my consciousness faded.
---
I awakened in an unfamiliar room. Just going off the fact that I was in a new room, it was safe to assume that the hacking was a success. The first thing I noticed once in this body was how much pain Zoey¡¯s mom was in constantly.
Just by sitting up, my (her) hips flared up with a creaky pain I had never once experienced before in my life. It was nothing terrible, but it did stand out to me immediately. There was also a vague, tingling sensation present in her arms and feet. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure what that could be, but if I had to guess, it was either nerve or blood related.
I lifted myself out of the bed and began walking out of the room as best as I could in the darkness, which proved to be extremely difficult.
It was no easy task trying to maneuver an unfamiliar room without any lights on. I couldn¡¯t see anything at all. There was very little outside light filtering into this room. All I could do was pray that there was nothing to trip over. If I damaged her hip even more than it already was, then God knows if that damage would get transferred over.
Thankfully, I made it to the door safely and headed out into the hallway.
Upon flicking the light switch using the body¡¯s muscle memory, I came to the sudden realization that the darkness wasn¡¯t the issue, her vision was just much worse than mine or Zoey¡¯s.
If I had to rank our visions among the three of us, I would guess that Zoey¡¯s was the best, followed by me due to my long hours of playing online video games, and then Zoey¡¯s mom¡¯s due to her age.
¡°Oh.¡± I was forced to stop in my tracks.
Thinking about Zoey caused a tsunami of new sensations to suddenly crash down on me. All sorts of complicated feelings that I¡¯d never experienced before were all weaving and interlocking in an inexplicable manner inside of me. I wasn¡¯t sure what these feelings were, but I could tell that it would take a lifetime to untangle and manage them.
I quickly realized that all I could do was swallow them whole and ignore them before pressing forward. In order to avoid being assailed by those feelings, I consciously did my best to think of Zoey as not Zoey, but as entity [X], a mysterious looming figure that I couldn¡¯t quite place. I headed down the staircase and, after flicking the light switch back on, I gravitated toward the kitchen and retrieved the items I stowed earlier.
I opened the glasses case and found her spy glasses, a ten-dollar bill, and the keys to her car. It was everything I needed to make this happen. [X] seemed to have accounted for everything. The money and keys aside, the phone functioned as a wi-fi hotspot for the spy glasses. That way, [X] could see everything that I was doing.
The glasses fit Mrs. Brahm¡¯s face decently enough. They appeared to be nothing more than fake lenses however, so they did nothing to improve or distort my (her) vision. With that sorted out, I carried everything else with me to the door. I put on what I assumed were Mrs. Brahm¡¯s slippers and exited the house.
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
After locking the door, I walked through the all-encompassing darkness once more. It was cold out at this time of year, so I tried to hurry my way to the car.
I realized that her body recognized the layout of both her room and the front of her house, as I had no problems getting to any of my destinations. My concerns over tripping over something were completely unfounded.
Once I made it to the driver¡¯s side of the car, I jammed the key up against the hole of the car door with little success.
¡°Why won¡¯t this¡?¡± I muttered to myself, before realizing that I was at the wrong car.
It was another habit.
Managing someone else¡¯s body was proving to be a hassle. There¡¯s so much battling to do against the subconscious that it made me appreciate how easy it was to move around in my own body.
After circling around to [X]¡¯s car, I unlocked the driver¡¯s side door and stepped inside.
¡°Phew.¡±
I dropped the phone and the money in the passenger seat.
My journey had barely even begun yet and it had already been quite hectic.
However, there were a few things I managed to get a better grasp of just by doing this.
First, and most importantly, the body obeys my orders only in ways that it knows how. As much as I can consciously think something like ¡°get in the car¡±, if the body normally gets in the SUV instead of the sedan, then that¡¯s what it¡¯s going to do.
In a way, it was like talking to a child. You need to be as specific as possible, while taking in mind whatever habits and tendencies it leans towards, or else something completely unexpected could happen.
The second thing is that I couldn¡¯t even think about [X] without having my body tear itself apart. The knot in my chest made it difficult for me to function normally if I so much as even entertained the possibility that she really existed. That type of feeling was something I¡¯d never experienced before.
In any case, such a thing would only get in the way of the mission. I decided to put it in the back of my mind and focus. I pressed down on the power button near the steering wheel and the ignition responded with a gentle roar. The car slowly began heating up the second it was on, peeling away at the cold of its interior.
Then, after setting it into reverse, I pulled out of the parking area and set out on my journey. The drive itself wasn¡¯t difficult at all.
My dad said he¡¯d get me a car once I graduated high school, but he¡¯s already helped me get a license so I¡¯m familiar with all of the basics. Also, thanks to Mrs. Brahm¡¯s experience, driving to the gas station was almost second nature.
Once there, I parked near the building and exited the vehicle once it was off. I¡¯m embraced by the cold once more, as the well-lit exterior of the empty gas station washed over my (her) body.
I rushed into the building to escape the chills of the outside world. Once inside, I found it much easier to calm down. Is what I would say, but I felt a lot of eyes turning on me the second I walked in.
There were four people inside. A couple, a guy who might¡¯ve been a few years older than me, and one guy around the same age as me manning the counter.
Their gazes didn¡¯t feel entirely strange at first. It makes sense to check the door when someone comes in this late at night. However, what was strange was how their invasive gazes persisted even after I walked in.
It was making me self-conscious. It wasn¡¯t my body, so I kind of felt guilty being stared at like that. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what it was about me that stood out to them. And that¡¯s when I suddenly realized that I hadn¡¯t checked what Mrs. Brahm was wearing.
I looked down.
Pajamas.
They were really childish looking ones too.
Mrs. Brahm¡¯s body was reacting to the realization with a sudden surge of irritation, and I was right there with her. I really wanted to go back and not deal with any of these people. But I couldn¡¯t. I still needed to get the beer. [X] was still watching through the spy glasses. I¡¯d have no excuse if I suddenly backed out this early.
With a heavy sigh, I walked over to the fridges and grabbed two six packs of canned beer. While the guy who was older than me already checked out, the other three were all still staring at me in awe. The contrast of the bed-wear and the beer must have painted quite the picture. I mentally apologized to Mrs. Brahm for making her look like an alcoholic.
I placed the beverages up on the counter.
¡°Uh, can I see some ID?¡±
¡°I forgot it.¡±
¡°Right¡ um, listen. I¡¯m really sorry, but I can¡¯t sell it to you if¡¡± I was already irritated thanks to all the stares, but that one really set me off.
¡°Look hun. I know you¡¯re trying to flatter me, but I don¡¯t buy the idea that I look anywhere near a day under 21. Believe me, I wish I did. So instead of paying me this pointless lip service, how about you just save me the trip and scan the fucking beer already?¡±
He sized me up for a moment, shocked and annoyed by my outburst, but he eventually acquiesced and scanned the beer reluctantly. I should note that the outburst just now was nothing like me. It was all Mrs. Brahm.
When he was done ringing the beer up, he placed them back on the counter.
¡°$6.63.¡±
I hand him the ten, and he placed it into the register and gathered my change. He tore the receipt out of the machine after it was done printing and handed everything over to me.
It was all fine and dandy that he was doing his job, but I made sure to count the change right in front of his face. I was still extremely irritated, so one extra microaggression just to rub it in his face should do it. And once I was done counting, I stared back at him in frustration.
¡°My change is $3.37. You gave me $3.27.¡±
¡°Oh, really?¡±
¡°Yes really. What, are you going to give me attitude now? Over a count you fucked up?¡±
He eyed me with anger for a split second, then opened the register to grab a dime. However, I didn¡¯t really care. Once I confirmed that he had looked for the change, I grabbed the 6-pack and walked out of the store. Of course, he hadn¡¯t miscounted. I just felt like getting him back, that¡¯s all. There¡¯s nothing wrong with that.
I was once again assailed by the chilly outdoors.
¡°God, car, car¡.¡± I hurried over to the car and hopped inside after opening the door, making sure to slam it shut afterwards. ¡°Phew!¡±
It was mission accomplished. I had succeeded. I placed the beers on the floor of the backseat, and I placed the receipt and change on the passenger seat next to the phone.
The phone, that should have been in the passenger seat.
How strange.
I was certain that it was there when I left the car.
Did it fall out?
¡°No¡¡± I muttered.
It couldn¡¯t be, right?
I searched the floors and felt around for any sign of the phone.
¡°No, no, no¡¡±
I was starting to get anxious.
Did it really go missing?
Did it fall out of the car somehow?
No.
No, that¡¯s not it.
Is it because¡
Because I left the door unlocked?
Is that really why?
But the gas station was empty! There was no one here! I didn¡¯t see or hear any cars come in.
There¡¯s no way that could have¡
Wait, was it him?
The guy who left before me?
¡°Fuck.¡±
If that¡¯s the case, then [X]¡¯s phone was gone forever.
I wouldn¡¯t be able to get it back.
¡°FUCK!!!!¡±
I slammed my fists into the steering wheel with all my strength. The sound of the car¡¯s horn screeched out deafeningly.
But honestly, I couldn¡¯t care less.
I wanted to die.
I truly believe that if I wasn¡¯t in Mrs. Brahm¡¯s body, that I might have thrown myself into oncoming traffic at that moment.
I was extremely disappointed in myself. I had uncovered such a crazy terrifying power, but I somehow forgot to lock a car door. I was disillusioned by my own incompetence. But more importantly, I wanted to wring the neck of the thief that had stolen [X]¡¯s phone.
And then, it hit me.
¡°Maybe¡¡±
I turned the car on, then locked all the car doors.
If [X]¡¯s laws were correct, then the only requirements to hack someone are for me to be in REM sleep and for me to think about them a ton before I fall asleep.
So, I thought, if I fell asleep again while in this body, then would it be possible to hack the thief? Or would I just dig myself into a deeper hole by waking up in my real body and leaving Mrs. Brahm at the gas station?
And what¡¯s worse, I didn¡¯t know if I even remembered his face well enough. But there was no time to think. If he really was the thief, then the longer I waited, the further away he¡¯d end up getting. Even if hacking him from here really did work out, he was wide awake, so getting booted out immediately was a very real possibility.
There were too many issues with going that route. But the real problem was, I didn¡¯t have much of a choice. Losing [X]¡¯s phone would be the same as falling out of favor with her.
After taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and I did my best to focus on the face of the man who had eyed me when I entered the gas station. Then, I allowed myself to fall asleep.
---
The second I released control of Zoey¡¯s mom¡¯s body, my surroundings changed.
My gamble had succeeded.
However, I was acutely aware of the fact that if I did anything suspicious, I was going to immediately be booted out, so there was no time to mess around. All I could do was get a handle on the situation.
As far as I could tell, the thief was hiding out behind the gas station. There were no lights in the immediate vicinity, but there was a slope a few feet away that led to a small road. And most importantly, the phone was in his hand. I could feel it. I needed to get it back to Zoey¡¯s mom safely.
Now that I knew where he was, I could try to return to her body and confront him, but there was no guarantee that it¡¯d go well. As someone who had experienced both of their bodies, I didn¡¯t think that she could outrun him, nor could she fight him off.
I initially thought about walking him over to the car and dropping the phone off, but it was far too optimistic of an idea. He¡¯d most likely boot me out before I could take more than five steps towards the car. Instead, I came to the conclusion that having the phone stay here while having him leave was the more realistic idea.
But that idea raised another question: how could I have him leave quickly without getting booted? There weren¡¯t exactly a plethora of options. The only ideas I could come up with off the top of my head were related to the slope.
I needed to get him to go down there somehow. If I jumped him down, he¡¯d just climb back up in less than a minute though, so that was out. I needed more time than just that. I needed him to go down there of his own volition. The story of the wind and the sun came to mind. To get someone to do what you want them to, soft persuasion is usually more effective than brute force.
As far as that went, his own belongings came to mind. Just from the feeling of his pockets, I could tell that he had both a phone and a wallet in his possession. They would do. I had already solidified my plan.
There was no time to lose.
He probably felt off already as it was.
I decided to quickly put my plan into action.
In one quick movement, I tossed Zoey¡¯s phone a way¡¯s off, then reached into my (his) pocket, and tossed his wallet off the slope.
I thought back to the picture of Zoey¡¯s mom that I had been holding before I fell asleep. I did my best to imbue it into my mind, then forced myself to get booted out.
---
I returned to Mrs. Brahm¡¯s body.
I couldn¡¯t tell if projecting my consciousness worked, or if I was merely sent back to where I started, but that wasn¡¯t important. I hopped out of the car and rushed towards the back of the gas station. Once there, I peeked around the corner and found the man looking down the slope where his wallet had fallen.
I could have waited for him to go down, but there was no guarantee that he would. He might just turn back and grab [X]¡¯s phone first before heading down. If he did, I would have to yell and scare him off. I wanted to avoid doing that though, since it was a gamble whether he would fight or flee. My gaze turned to the wall. Unfortunately, despite having a general idea of where the phone landed, I couldn¡¯t see a thing. I made a mental note to let [X] know about her mom¡¯s awful vision.
I decided that I needed to go. I took my (her) shoes off and quietly walked close to the wall, searching with my (her) feet for any sign of the phone.
¡°Why the fuck¡¡± he mumbled.
It wasn¡¯t at me. He was still staring down at the cliff. No doubt, he was confused about the situation. But even while he was distracted, I found it difficult to locate the phone just by blindly searching. I was having no luck. Just as I was losing hope, a small, rectangular light beamed outward from the ground. I had found the phone. It was about six feet away, a distance I could easily clear. And once I did, I reached down to grab it.
¡°Ow¡¡±
My (her) hip screeched in pain.
It was unbearably painful. So unbearably painful in fact, that I accidentally let out a groan. My body froze up. If he had heard me, then I might have to defend myself. But could I in this situation?
I turned back to face him.
Thankfully, he was already gone.
As far as I could tell, the back of the gas station was now empty. He must¡¯ve gone down the slope then. With a sigh of relief, I picked the phone up and eased the tension on my (her) hip.
¡°Ow, ow, ow¡¡±
I hoped from the bottom of my heart that Mrs. Brahm was having her hip looked at. The pain was seriously unbearable.
After shaking my head in order to psych myself up, I walked back over to where I left the slippers, put them back on, and I immediately went back to the car.
¡°Phew!¡±
Once in the driver¡¯s seat, I let out a sigh of relief.
[X]¡¯s phone was secured.
Apparently, the hotspot had disconnected from the glasses. The reason the phone lit up in the dark at the time was because I was close enough to connect again. So in other words, [X] hadn¡¯t seen anything aside from me retrieving the phone. It was probably for the best, I thought. I¡¯d just have to relay everything that happened later.
After strapping the seat belt on, I finally drove off and returned home.
Once there, I recalled the instructions I was given. I grabbed the six pack and exited the car. The walk to the bushes was quite scary at that time of night thanks to the lack of visibility.
However, compared to the situation with the thief earlier, it was basically nothing. I couldn¡¯t believe how close I was to losing [X]¡¯s phone. Would she have hated me for it, I wonder? Probably. Her entire network at school is on that thing.
With a heavy sigh, I simply dropped the beers at my feet once I arrived at the bush. They landed with a heavy ¡®clank¡¯, but nothing more. My (her) body was far too tired to do much more. She wanted nothing more than to go back to bed, I could tell. I continued walking back to the car where I grabbed [X]¡¯s keys and her phone, and headed back inside.
The first thing I noticed once inside was how dirty my (her) feet were after taking off the slippers. That was evidence if I¡¯d ever seen it. The slippers themselves could be cleaned later, I needed to get her feet cleaned asap. I took the glasses off and dropped both the keys and the glasses themselves, back in the case that was still behind the coffee maker, then I headed back upstairs.
I assumed that Mrs. Brahm should have the master bedroom in the house, so there should have been a restroom attached to her bedroom.
And sure enough, I found it.
I washed her feet and dried them carefully, then, for the sake of leaving no evidence behind, I wiped the tub down with the body towel she used earlier after her shower. That way, even if she woke up and happened to check the tub, she wouldn¡¯t find any evidence that it was used recently.
My job had ended at last.
All that was left to do was hope that [X] was right, and that she wouldn¡¯t suspect anything. Once I climbed into her bed, consumed by the darkness for the final time, my consciousness faded, and I was engulfed the sensation of being sucked away.
---
For some reason, when I woke up, I was greeted by the strangest sense of deja vu. There I was, lying on my back, barely conscious, with Zoey, seated above me, staring into my eyes with a curious expression. Had I dreamed of such a scenario before? My still fuzzy mind couldn¡¯t put two and two together, and the feelings quickly escaped me before I could figure it out. Zoey, however, unaware of the complicated feelings I was being swamped by, simply grinned and waved an unopened can of beer at me.
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - VI
¡°This tastes pretty bad,¡± I said.
My reluctance to have a drink was short-lived in the face of Zoey¡¯s pleading eyes. She did carry that heavy cooler all the way up to the room on her own, after all. If there was one thing I learned above anything else that night, it was that I had a hard time letting her down.
¡°I think it tastes like freedom,¡± she said, taking another swig. ¡°Ahhh, that¡¯s so good.¡±
At the rate she was going, there was a decent chance that she would not enjoy waking up in the morning.
¡°So what happened when the feed cut off in the gas station? Did you get too far away from the phone or something?¡±
¡°Oh, about that¡¡± I explained to her what happened.
About how I left the phone in the unlocked car, how someone broke in and stole it, how I hacked them using nothing but my vague memory of what their face looked like and separated them from the phone in order to retrieve it.
Her expression gave me no hints as to what she was thinking or feeling as I told the story. It looked like she was listening to just another world history lecture. Absorbing the information as calmly as always. Once I was done, she leaned back in her chair and stared at the ceiling.
¡°So, you can do a second hack while you¡¯re in someone else¡¯s body?¡±
I thought I would get admonished for being so careless, but she completely ignored the implications of what might have happened. ¡°Uh, aren¡¯t you mad that I almost lost your phone?¡±
¡°Hmm? No, mom always does that when she goes out to the gas station. If it got lost, then it¡¯s not really your fault. Plus, everything important is backed up on my laptop anyway.¡±
¡°She leaves her car unlocked when she goes to the gas station?¡±
¡°Well, she never shops at night so it¡¯s not really an issue, but yeah.¡±
Zoey¡¯s words reminded me once more about how little control I actually have when I¡¯m in someone else¡¯s body. It¡¯s like, rather than becoming the soldier, I¡¯m becoming the commander who gives marching orders.
¡°But anyway, I¡¯m curious about the chain-hack you pulled off. Firstly, I have no idea whether you would¡¯ve gone back to my mom¡¯s body or just straight back to your real body if you didn¡¯t bother thinking about her.¡± Certainly, I wasn¡¯t sure about that much either. ¡°And secondly, we don¡¯t know if the first person comes along with you for the second hack or not. Like, what if my mom came with you into the thief¡¯s body?¡±
¡°Is that something you feel like testing too?¡±
¡°Hmmm, it could be useful. If it is the case then I can join you on a hack as a spectator. It would get rid of the need for the glasses. But to be honest, I think it¡¯s more likely that you ping-ponged between the bodies on your own.¡±
¡°Yeah, I guess so.¡± After finishing her third drink, she stood up from the seat and stretched with a yawn.
¡°Okay, I¡¯m tired! I¡¯m going to sleep.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
She slipped her sweatpants off right before my eyes. It was a wonder if she even saw me as a guy at all. Inviting me to her room with no reservations, falling asleep right in front of me, getting drunk, taking her pants off¡
I felt like I was being treated as a passive herbivore. Just an impotent, worthless male who was too pathetic to ever make a move on her. If it were Benjamin or Lawrence, I thought, she would probably only consider making herself that vulnerable if she was open to something happening.
However, there was a part of me that thought that she did have these ulterior motives.
¡°Move over,¡± she said with a playful grin.
Her forwardness had been cute and alluring earlier in the day. But at that moment, I couldn¡¯t help but feel distressed by it. Regardless, I obliged and scooted over to the other side of the bed, and she laid down right next to me.
I was in bed with Zoey. It was a circumstance I had dreamed of plenty of times. I fantasized about it so much that I figured that something that good would never happen to me.
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And yet, it had suddenly become my reality.
I laid my head down and found my face a few inches away from hers. Staring into those alluring eyes of hers that peeked into my soul. She was completely unembarrassed about how flushed her face was from the alcohol.
Just five hours ago, such a situation would make my heart go wild with joy. But at that moment, all that existed in my heart was torment.
¡°Zoey, when I hacked your mom¡¡± Her finger held my lips down in place.
¡°Don¡¯t tell me,¡± she said. ¡°That¡¯s none of your business.¡±
She was right.
Perhaps I was getting ahead of myself.
But... it wasn¡¯t quite that simple.
The swirling range of emotions that had been coursing through me, that coursed through Mrs. Brahm. The feelings so overbearing that it was too difficult to even think about Zoey at all.
And when I compared that to what Zoey¡¯s body felt when I saw her mom¡ There was very little there. A dash of love, a hint of resentment.
But it was so insignificant that I may as well have felt nothing at all. Sure, her mom might not have been the best parent.
But that stark difference was too cruel.
I wished that the two of them would just sit down and talk about their feelings.
I really wished that they would, if they hadn¡¯t already.
It felt like my heart was being torn apart.
¡°Tristan.¡±
Her voice snapped me back to reality.
¡°Do you want to rule over the school with me?¡±
¡°Rule it¡?¡±
¡°To be honest, your powers are incredible. So incredible, that I think you might be able to change the world with them. They¡¯re like an invisible gun. If we used them right, we could rob the whole world blind. But that only matters insofar as they don¡¯t get discovered. If you get arrested or if the FBI gets involved, then it¡¯s over. You¡¯ll become a tool for the government. Whether it¡¯s scientifically or as a CIA asset, you would have to kiss your freedom goodbye. That¡¯s what I think anyway. But thankfully, if you¡¯re smart enough, then it¡¯s impossible to get caught with an invisible gun. If we use your power selfishly, we wouldn¡¯t have to worry about money for the rest of our lives. The possibilities are endless. Insider trading, understanding which businesses to partner with, blackmailing politicians for cash, there¡¯s virtually no end to what we could do. And even past that, we¡¯d have an actual say in the world. Not just the power of a single, measly vote in a pointless election, but we could move people. Move senators, move supreme court justices, move presidents. The world could be ours. But... I think we should start small. We should use this last year of high school to learn about your powers. To understand them. That way, when we enter the real world, we¡¯ll understand our hand well enough to not make any mistakes. What do you think?¡±
Zoey¡¯s words spoke of a world far beyond my own understanding. I sensed her ambition for greatness, and how delighted she was to have found something truly special.
But¡
I couldn¡¯t do it.
In fact, what she said only confirmed what I was beginning to feel after hacking her mom.
¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I looked away.
¡°You¡¯re sorry? Why?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s right to use this power. I really think it¡¯d be better if it just didn¡¯t exist.¡±
I found myself clenching my fists.
The truth was, our values were simply too different. Zoey is probably someone who¡¯s going to be extremely successful in the future. She¡¯s intelligent, she has the drive, and she¡¯s willing to sacrifice everything for her success.
But I¡¯m not like that at all.
It¡¯s like Lance said. I¡¯m someone who always takes the easy way out. I¡¯m not the kind of person who could sacrifice their na?ve ideas of right and wrong for the sake of their own personal gain.
That¡¯s why I couldn¡¯t help her.
¡°Don¡¯t say that, Tristan. You have something special.¡±
¡°I¡¯m in love with you.¡± My words cut her off.
She looked like she wanted to say something, but she held her breath and just stared at me with a blank expression.
¡°I¡¯ve loved you for a long time. That¡¯s why I¡¯ve gone through so many hoops to please you today. I¡¯ve gone along with all your whims. I¡¯ve prostrated myself at your feet over every unreasonable demand you¡¯ve made of me. But I didn¡¯t do it because I agreed with anything you said. I just love you, and I wanted to believe that you really did trust me. Maybe you do. Maybe you really can see something in me that¡¯s trustworthy. But to me, rather than trust, it just looks like you happened to get dealt a good hand and decided to go all in on it.¡± I paused. The words did not come out easy, but I couldn¡¯t stop. I needed to keep going. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can betray my ideas of right and wrong over a one-sided love like that. So, I¡¯m sorry.¡±
Once I was done speaking, the room went quiet. For the first time that day, Zoey had no response to something I¡¯d said. All she did was stare despondently into my eyes. There was no fight left in her. There was none of the usual tenacious, ambitious, yet playful Zoey.
She stared quietly, until she eventually decided to turn to face the other side of the bed. All I could see was the shape of her back outlined by the bed sheets covering her body.
¡°Do you really not remember me, Tristan?¡±
¡°Remember you¡?¡± She mentioned something like that to me at the cafeteria too.
It sounded like we had interacted a while ago. But unfortunately, it wasn¡¯t something that brought anything back.
I wanted to ask, but it felt like the wrong time to bring it up.
¡°I¡¯m sorry, I don¡¯t,¡± I responded.
She went quiet again for a moment.
¡°Well, I¡¯m sorry you feel that way.¡±
Volume 1 Chapter 3 - VII
The next day, Zoey dropped me off a few blocks away from the school at an empty street surrounded by trees. Her last words to me were, ¡°If you¡¯re planning to stick to your morals, then please don¡¯t ever hack me again.¡± Despite the coldness of her words, the morning after was uneventful compared to the night before.
We made small talk over our bowls of cereal, and we even shared a few laughs over small happenings that we recalled from school. Also, it was pretty apparent that she was hungover from all the drinking. Her mom also seemed to be the same as always, so I suppose that helped us pretend it was all a dream.
But to be honest, I felt guilty about not being able to mend their relationship. Perhaps it isn¡¯t my place, and perhaps I shouldn¡¯t have hacked her to begin with. But after hacking the two of them, I couldn¡¯t go back to seeing Zoey as the infallible, perfect girl that I had seen her as before.
For all her wit and charisma, I¡¯m now aware of how deeply damaged she is on the inside. And the worst part is, she probably isn¡¯t even aware of it. She doesn¡¯t know what real love is. Her mother never showed it to her. All she can do is bottle it up and use her hobby of peeking at others to experience it from the outside.
It might sound like I¡¯m being an armchair psychologist. Normally, I¡¯d frown at people who make such rash judgments about what other people feel deep down.
But in my case, I¡¯ve actually been inside of her, so I know.
I know how empty her experiences of love and life are compared to mine.
There¡¯s no chance that Zoey would ever love me. There¡¯s no chance that she would love anyone. All she can do is look on at others who experience love out of envy. If I stayed with her, there¡¯s a chance that I¡¯ll be destroyed forever; strung along by the pain of that unrequited love.
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As much as I hated to admit it, Lance was right about Zoey.
Lance was always right¡
I looked down at my phone and hit the delete button. Her number was purged from my contacts list. The only evidence of any connection I had to that girl was now gone with the wind.
¡°Fuck¡¡±
I had to hold myself back from bursting into tears. It really was a terrifying power.
Just like that, I knew so much about someone I¡¯d barely spoken to before.
Just like that, I knew that the girl I loved would never, ever be capable of loving me back.
Even if we went to the dance together, even if I were to kiss her, or if we went all the way¡.
It wouldn¡¯t be real love.
And I didn¡¯t know if my heart could handle that.
The school was in sight, but I didn¡¯t have the strength to show my face at that moment.
I slumped against the back of a tree, out of sight of the street.
¡°Why did I have to get these stupid powers¡?¡±
I prayed for them to go away.
I didn¡¯t want them.
I didn¡¯t want them to exist.
Sure, they might have sounded amusing at first, but after experiencing it firsthand, I decided that it would be for the best if they didn¡¯t exist.
Something like that shouldn¡¯t exist.
People aren¡¯t supposed to get that close to other people.
They aren¡¯t.
They just aren¡¯t.
The cold autumn breeze brushed against my face.
As if beckoning me to stay strong for the upcoming winter.
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - I
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
What a colorful cast of characters I found myself surrounded by. I couldn¡¯t have picked out a better lineup even if I tried.
That morning was, despite my excruciating hangover headache, almost unusually cheery for an autumn day. The leaves that should have been browning by now still held onto their green as if clinging desperately to the vibrancy of summer. The birds were still as chipper as ever, singing their sweet songs out loud as if beckoning us society-dwellers to forget about our ails.
And then, there was the group of us. A bunch of high school seniors involved in some petty drama over a series of failed romances. Though, it feels a bit discomforting to refer to it as such when I¡¯m clearly at the focal point of it all.
While my and Tristan¡¯s little trick yesterday had bought us some time, it was inevitable that Ben would, through the mechanism of his own obsession, come to discover that it was all a ruse. Indeed. Naomi had approached him at lunch with ulterior motives, yes, but they weren¡¯t for the reasons Tristan mentioned yesterday. That is, they weren¡¯t related to Gwen¡¯s own obsession with him. And as evidence of that, both Ben and Naomi were present at this impromptu meeting. Naomi stood next to me with a curious expression on her face. It wouldn¡¯t surprise me if she had no idea why Ben called her out here.
In addition to them, Gwen was laid back against the wall of the school, smoking a cigarette with such poise that you¡¯d think she were a veteran smoker of 20 years. A few feet away from her, scouting around the corner to make sure that no teachers were approaching was Lawrence Young. His presence reassured me that things wouldn¡¯t go terribly wrong here since, thankfully, I still had my hold on him. Our fates were tied due to how involved we are in each other¡¯s secrets, so should he allow anything to go badly for me, it could very easily come back to bite him. I wondered if either of these two would ever suspect that the Law had been compromised from the get-go.
I should note that the day before homecoming at Deer Valley high is usually hat day. All five of us were in the middle of celebrating this strange school custom by wearing all different sorts of hats. Ben and Gwen were both wearing brown cowboy hats that looked like they were pulled straight out of a Clint Eastwood film, Lawrence was wearing an Atlanta Braves baseball cap, Naomi had on a visor, and I was wearing a French Beret. I thought that Ben and Gwen matching was a cute coincidence, but I decided against mentioning it since it would only make this whole thing more painful than it already was.
¡°So like, what¡¯s going on here? Is this like an illuminati meeting for popular kids? Am I being invited?¡± Naomi¡¯s curiosity got the better of her, and she finally asked.
¡°No, it¡¯s an illuminati meeting for heartbroken narcissists with zero self-awareness. Isn¡¯t that right, Gwen?¡±
She glared at me for my offhanded remark, but was immediately pacified by Ben who stuck his hand out to silence her. ¡°No.¡± He smiled at Naomi. ¡°Nothing like that. In fact, I¡¯m impressed that you¡¯re still playing dumb this late into the game.¡±
¡°Oh Benny Ben, don¡¯t be like that. I¡¯ve never played dumb in my life. I really have no idea what all of this could be about, you know?¡±
He chuckled. ¡°It¡¯s about you and Tristan trying to break me and Zoey up on Tuesday. Remember? You came out of nowhere and started talking to me, and while I was distracted, your disgusting friend went up and spoke to Zoey.¡±
The way Benjamin spoke about Tristan revealed a lot about not only his attitude towards him, but also how much of a perceived threat he was. Of course, he should have no idea about ¡°Dream Paralysis¡± or anything of the sort. The only hacks Tristan should have carried out were the three on me, the one on my mom, and the one on the phone thief. Ben¡¯s obsession, therefore, had to do with me and me alone.
Naomi scratched her head and looked at him with a puzzled expression.
¡°Well, yeah, I distracted you? Do you think a psycho like you would let another guy talk to your girlfriend?¡± Her straightforwardness caused me to let out a chuckle, which only increased the intensity of Benjamin¡¯s annoyed expression.
¡°What, you think this is funny?¡±
¡°Yes, I think you¡¯re an amusing person, Benjamin. This interrogation you¡¯re putting Naomi through right now is almost exactly like what Gwen put me through on Tuesday. Did you ask your friend Lawrence over there about it yet? I think that you and Gwen might be more of a match than you think.¡±
Gwen glared at me for a moment, then looked away and took another drag of her cigarette, probably not wanting to get on Ben¡¯s bad side.
¡°Yeah, yeah, I¡¯ve already spoken to her about that. But here¡¯s the thing.¡± He turned to Naomi. ¡°Tristan lied about why this girl started talking to me. He said that Gwen put her up to it, right? But now, both Gwen and Naomi here are saying that it isn¡¯t true. So what¡¯s really going on here?¡±
¡°Why don¡¯t you bring Tristan over here and ask him then?¡± I asked.
¡°Well, that¡¯s the thing. No one¡¯s seen him today. I put out some feelers earlier, but nothing¡¯s come back to me yet, so I have no choice but to make do with what I can.¡±
My eyes shifted back to Naomi. If we were to assume that she and Lance both wanted to help Tristan, then they had probably already gotten him hidden somewhere before Benjamin or his goons could find him.
At least, that was the assumption I was operating under at the time.
Ben shouldn¡¯t know that I was aware of what had happened yesterday between him and Tristan. But thanks to both Lawrence and Tristan himself, I had a fairly good idea of what their side of the board was up to. Which meant that I should do my best to ease things up from the middle.
¡°Okay, I¡¯ll ask a different question then. Why won¡¯t you just believe me when I tell you why I broke up with you?¡±
¡°Because people don¡¯t just change their minds like that. Someone had to have gotten into your head.¡±
¡°Yeah? You think so? It absolutely had to have been someone whispering to me like the devil? It couldn¡¯t have been that I just wasn¡¯t interested in a relationship with you after trying it out for a day?¡±
¡°Yeah but, it was only a day.¡±
¡°A day, sure. After you blew my texts up for weeks begging me to go out with you.¡±
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¡°So you¡¯re saying I pressured you into it then?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t act surprised now. Everyone here already knows how you deal with women who don¡¯t do as you say.¡±
Of course, the two people who appeared the most surprised at me bringing it up were Ben and Gwen themselves. Benjamin bit his lip in frustration before he could say anything. It was the first time he¡¯d shown any form of hesitation since showing up. But Gwen on the other hand, looked like she had had enough.
¡°Don¡¯t pretend to know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°What, you think I want to be here? If it weren¡¯t for how obsessively you cling to this guy, maybe he wouldn¡¯t think that it¡¯s okay to go ahead and do it to other people. You¡¯re honestly made for each other. And that¡¯s fine, it¡¯s even kind of cute. If you want to date this guy and get the snot beat out of you again, then be my guest Gwen, just leave me out of it.¡±
¡°You fucking bitch!¡±
Gwen started walking toward me with so much anger in her steps that I figured things were going to get violent. However, before she could get close, both Benjamin and Lawrence stepped in to block her. Naomi, standing with a hand on her hip, could only whistle in awe.
¡°Get the fuck out of my way! She deserves to get her shit kicked in! She doesn¡¯t know shit about you, Ben. Why are you wasting so much energy over someone like her? Why?!¡±
Gwen made another attempt to rush me, but was held back by Benjamin.
¡°It¡¯s fine, Gwen. I deserve this. I shouldn¡¯t have done it.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
Though she appeared to be about as obsessed as Benjamin, it seemed to be simple enough to be calmed down by the man in question. I guess that with people like that, the carrot is preferable to the stick in the short term. Realistically though, there¡¯s no way that a relationship like that is going to end well. I decided that Benjamin should look into breaking it off completely instead of dangling himself around in front of her.
But the more immediate question was, what about my clean break? I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what method I should take to get Benjamin off my back. A number of thoughts and ideas swirled through my head. But before I could come up with anything, Naomi spoke up.
¡°So like, can I leave now? I wanna go back to bothering Lance already.¡±
Her words provoked a sinister glare from Benjamin, which in turn caused her to frown with a hint of annoyance.
¡°Benjamin,¡± I said. ¡°You can¡¯t just keep the two of us here like this. You realize how bad this looks for all three of you? We don¡¯t want anything to do with you anymore.¡±
¡°Yeah? Sure then. You can leave if you want. But I¡¯m going to be talking to Tristan next. And you¡¯d better hope he has nothing to say about this.¡±
As I thought, it wasn¡¯t going to end quietly. It was clear that Tristan and I weren¡¯t on speaking terms anymore after everything that happened, so I couldn¡¯t just tell him how to get out of this. Even on the off chance that Tristan somehow managed to not give him anything, I doubt that Benjamin would just let it end peacefully.
Such thoughts led me to the only reasonable solution that wouldn¡¯t shake the boat as much.
¡°How about this then? I¡¯ll go out with you again. For a month this time, starting at the homecoming dance.¡±
¡°Huh?¡± Both Gwen and Ben looked at me with flabbergasted expressions.
¡°But only if you guys win the homecoming game. If you lose, then you have to drop this. Forever.¡±
I turned to face Lawrence, who should have been happier about this than anyone. The drama would end, and Benjamin would be focused on the game. It was his queue to wrap this up so that we could all get on with our lives. He appeared suspicious of my motives, but he spoke up when he noticed my glance.
¡°Well, isn¡¯t that something, Ben? All we have to do is play a good game tomorrow and it¡¯ll all work out.¡± Placing his arm over Benjamin¡¯s shoulder, he took advantage of the situation.
Ben himself was still frozen. His shocked expression told me everything he thought about the proposal he was given. It was almost like the victory was so guaranteed that he couldn¡¯t believe that I would just give myself up like that.
¡°No takebacks, got it? One month for me to prove myself to you.¡±
¡°That¡¯s the deal, yes.¡± I extended my hand in a gesture of good faith. His expression was cloudy, but he seemed to resolve himself after staring down at my hand then back at me, and shook it firmly.
Gwen bit her lip and ran off the second the shake was done. ¡°Hey! Goddammit...¡± Lawrence chased after her from behind.
Benjamin grinned, completely ignoring the two who had just left out of dissatisfaction with our agreement, and let go of my hand. ¡°I look forward to dancing with you at homecoming. I can¡¯t wait to see what kind of dress you¡¯ll wear.¡±
¡°You sure you¡¯re not gonna crumble under the pressure?¡±
¡°I can¡¯t believe someone who¡¯s been to our games would ever say something like that. Isn¡¯t this bet like, a guaranteed loss for you? Aren¡¯t you just too embarrassed to admit that breaking up with me was a mistake?¡±
¡°If that¡¯s how you¡¯re choosing to look at it then go ahead.¡±
He slung his backpack over his shoulders with a smile then walked off back to the front of the school. With the three of them gone, the only people left were Naomi and myself. I could have just gone along my way and started preparing for classes, but I decided that it might have been a good idea to get on her good side.
¡°Oh Naomi, would it be cool if the photography club swung by volleyball practice next week? We haven¡¯t done it this quarter,¡± I asked.
Naomi, who stayed behind and suspiciously eyed me, paused. Almost as if she hadn¡¯t heard my question at all. I thought about asking it again, but she eventually spoke up.
¡°Do you like Tristan?¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
The question came out of left field. I genuinely hadn¡¯t expected it at all.
¡°What do you mean by that? I¡¯ve barely ever spoken to him.¡±
¡°Yeah, but you just saved him, right? If you hadn¡¯t made that bet, then Ben would probably spend the entire day searching for him.¡±
I maintained a neutral expression, but the truth is, I wanted to scream in frustration. One mind hack and everything I had built began crumbling like a sandcastle against the tides. Benjamin was on a rampage, Gwen hated my guts even more than before, I began relying more on my connection with Lawrence than I wanted to, and the people adjacent to these three would probably begin having their own opinions about all of this too. And then, we have Tristan¡¯s friends forming their own opinions about everything.
This all would have been fine and dandy if Tristan began working with me. I would easily sacrifice everything I¡¯d built for Dream Paralysis. But I underestimated how much he valued his own sense of morality.
¡°Well,¡± I said, ¡°I don¡¯t hate him. He¡¯s a nice person. But then what, are you implying that I would date someone that I absolutely despise just to save Tristan?¡±
¡°I¡¯m like, 90% sure that you did.¡±
¡°Then you¡¯re 90% wrong.¡±
¡°Okay, let¡¯s assume that you¡¯re not lying then. Maybe you aren¡¯t doing this to save him. But I know for a fact that at lunch on Tuesday, you two didn¡¯t talk about a history paper. I was involved in the whole thing, if you remember. I don¡¯t know what the two of you spoke about, but whatever it was, it derailed your school life into what it is now. Your freedom from Benny Ben hinges on a homecoming game of all things. Even ignoring the fact that it¡¯s a home game so we have the advantage as is, our school is way stronger than the Otters. Face it, you¡¯ve been forced into an awful situation because of him. I think that you¡¯d have to be a saint to not hate him even a little bit after that.¡±
¡°That would be true if I didn¡¯t get myself into this mess in the first place by dating him.¡±
¡°And that, why did you date him if you were going to break up with him anyway?¡±
¡°You¡¯re awfully interested in my personal life.¡±
¡°I just want some kind of confirmation that you¡¯re not messing with Tristan.¡±
¡°Okay, sure. I promise you that I¡¯m not messing with Tristan. Him and I don¡¯t have any kind of relationship. In fact, it wouldn¡¯t surprise me if we never spoke again. And just to reiterate since we¡¯re on the topic, he didn¡¯t convince me to break up with Benjamin. Is that good enough?¡±
¡°Sure, that¡¯s fine. But if I find out anything to the contrary, I will burn you to the ground.¡±
Her eyes contained none of the unhinged, obsessive anger that Gwen or Benjamin¡¯s did. Instead, what I sensed from her was conviction. Like a mother bear protecting her cub from a perceived threat. A necessary deterrent to protect her own peaceful times. But it only intrigued me.
¡°Why?¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Why? What¡¯s your relationship with him? Do you like Tristan?¡±
¡°He¡¯s fun to talk to, but I¡¯m doing this for Lance. Lance likes Tristan, and I like Lance.¡±
¡°Oh, I see.¡±
Seemingly satisfied with where our conversation ended, she followed the steps of the previous three and walked off toward the front of the school building.
And with that, all the pieces were finally put into place.
If I took my hands off the steering wheel, nothing would change. Things would go exactly according to my calculations. Why is that? Because I¡¯ve been watching all these people for the past three years.
I could fail here. I could completely blow up this perfect empire that I¡¯ve set up for myself over a simple gamble. But I don¡¯t think I¡¯m wrong. I don¡¯t think I¡¯m wrong because I understand them all better than they understand themselves. The only person I don¡¯t fully understand is Tristan. So if there¡¯s any chance of this failing, it would be with him.
So, will you help me? Or will you let me fall? Tell me, what will you do, Tristan?
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - II
Lance, wearing his signature Beanie to school for hat day, invited me, wearing a plain gray baseball cap, to the music room that morning to hang out. I suppose it was his way of getting my mind off Zoey since I said I¡¯d given up on her yesterday. It¡¯s ironic how my lie back then became reality. Perhaps this was just karma for deceiving my friend.
Outside of the two of us, James Rivas was also present in the room. Wearing a stylish black top hat and sunglasses combo, he stared down at his guitar while trying a few chords. His long, black hair, coupled with his down-to-earth demeanor, really helped him fit the stereotype of a mellowed-out Rockstar.
¡°Dude. Lance, bro. I¡¯ve been doing a lot of soul searching. Like, I¡¯m seriously thinking about my future right now. And I¡¯ve come to a conclusion. The conclusion that I¡¯m at a loss as for what to do.¡±
He strummed a slow, melancholic tune after uttering those words. Mechanical notes escaped through the amp that was plugged into his instrument. He played for about ten seconds before stopping to continue speaking.
¡°I don¡¯t know where I¡¯m going to end up once I graduate. I don¡¯t know what I¡¯m going to do with my life. My parents want me to go to college, but there¡¯s nothing I really want to study, and I don¡¯t want to spend my life paying back a loan for something I don¡¯t care about.¡±
Once done speaking, he continued his strumming for a few more seconds then stopped.
¡°My grades aren¡¯t good enough to just coast through college into a law or medicine degree. I don¡¯t really want to spend the rest of my life programming in a code factory. In the first place, I¡¯m not all that good with computers. I¡¯ve thought about maybe starting a YouTube or Twitch career, but those are too big of a gamble. I can¡¯t even sell my nudes on Onlyfans because I¡¯m not an attractive woman. So what, then? Where does that leave me? I could work a dead-end job somewhere for the rest of my life? Yeah, right.¡±
His playing slowed down even more. His mellowness was infectious. I could already kind of understand his plight as someone in a similar situation, but his playing had cast a new light over it.
¡°All I have is rock¡ This is the only thing I¡¯m kind of good at. And as much as I love rock, the truth is, this genre really isn¡¯t what it used to be¡ The mainstream has been moving past us for a long time now. Sure, older bands are coming back again and making waves, but they¡¯re just riding on nostalgia. There¡¯s no telling if they¡¯ll hit the highs of the past just based on that alone. And even if it does help the genre, would I even make it¡? Can I start a band that has the skill to reach the hearts and souls of millions? Do I even deserve to stand next to the tortured icons whose painful lives created such beautiful art?¡±
His strumming this time was lifeless.
¡°I¡¯ve done a lot of soul searching, Lance. I¡¯ve been agonizing over this. I¡¯ve thought about it again and again. What I should be doing right now, and where I want to end up in the future. I¡¯ve cried and anguished over this shit. Played my guitar til my hands cried burning red tears of remorse. But you know what? I¡¯ve finally decided on what I¡¯m gonna do.¡±
He struck a powerful pose and hit a more energetic chord.
¡°I¡¯m gonna rock on.¡±
He began strumming.
¡°Even if I don¡¯t know what¡¯s gonna happen after I graduate, I¡¯ve decided that I don¡¯t give a fuck anymore. Not about what my parents think, or what society thinks, or even what you guys think. No, that¡¯s a lie. I care. Of course I care. I¡¯m a human fucking being with blood coursing through my goddamn veins. And I¡¯ll admit it, this shit weighs down on me every day. What if I fail? What if no one likes my music? What if I can¡¯t support myself before we start to take off?¡±
He kicked a symbol and continued strumming with so much passion that beads of sweat splashed all over the room.
¡°But I love rock so fucking much that I¡¯m gonna start a goddamned band anyway! I¡¯d rather keel over and die than give up this love, man! Music is my oxygen, and rock n¡¯ roll is my blood. It¡¯s what keeps me going through all the bullshit. So who cares about all that ¡°I don¡¯t know what¡¯s gonna happen¡± shit? I don¡¯t wanna die without trying my hardest to live my dreams, so I¡¯m gonna try my fucking hardest, man! Rock n¡¯ Roll is never gonna die, motherfuckers!¡±
After yelling with so much force that I thought his lungs were going to explode, he rocked his head forward and began his guitar solo. The mechanical roar of the instrument filled the room with a rhythm that almost beckoned excitement from your body. The passion exuded from his playing was contagious. The sight of his dexterous fingers ripping through the wires to play such an impressive sequence of notes were genuinely jaw-dropping. If someone from our school were going to make it as a musician, I¡¯d put my money on James. His passion and skill are unmatched.
But for someone like me, who doesn¡¯t have a single passionate bone in his body, I couldn¡¯t help but feel envious. The only thing I¡¯ve been passionate about was completely incompatible with me, leaving me just a shell of my former self. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what the emotions going through him at that moment felt like. The desire to hack him was honestly overwhelming me. But it was not only impossible since the setup time was too long, but I had also decided to no longer use that power.
I¡¯m not going to hack anyone. That¡¯s what I told Zoey. It¡¯s immoral. It¡¯s a breach of consent, bodily autonomy, and just all-around trust. In the entirety of human history, there might not be a power more terrifying than this one. That was what she said to me yesterday. But the taste of emotions I¡¯d been assailed by last night left me curious. To experience the world the way others see it was confusing and scary, but a small part of me wanted to indulge in it again.
The passionless me wanted a taste of passion.
The pessimistic me wanted a taste of optimism.
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The compliant me wanted a taste of rebellion.
James¡¯s guitar solo left me grappling with these complicated emotions. As he winded down his playing, Lance¡¯s clapping almost took over and filled the room.
¡°Wow, that touched me. Your music really touched me. Oh my god man, you might really be able to pull it off.¡±
James, with his sweaty bangs hanging over his face, threw up the ¡°rock on¡± sign with his left hand. Though he was still panting from having put his all into that performance, he flashed Lance a smile.
¡°Thanks man,¡± he said as the two of them fist bumped over the performance.
I couldn¡¯t help but feel like a third wheel in the interaction, but that¡¯s just par for the course with Lance¡¯s friends. They all have a bit of a screw loose. Completely obsessed with only one thing in particular. For all of Lance¡¯s obsessions with Dota, he is able to hold his ground with a wide variety of people. With the mood I was in that day though, there was no way I had the energy to grapple with any of those eccentrics.
¡°Mom¡¯s home!¡±
On the topic of eccentrics, Naomi busted through the door to the music room with a wide grin on her face. She seemed extremely pleased with herself for some odd reason, despite having interrupted the bonding atmosphere in the room.
¡°Hey moron.¡±
¡°Hey Naomi! What¡¯s up!¡±
The two of them greeted her as amicably as they normally would, but I elected to ignore her and stare out of the window instead. I couldn¡¯t imagine that she was particularly interested in me anyway. I was merely passing the time until classes began for the day. But for some reason, her footsteps only got closer and closer.
¡°Hey, you.¡± I turned around and found her standing right next to me with a stern expression on her face.
¡°Huh? Oh, what¡¯s up?¡±
¡°What did you talk to Zoey about on Tuesday?¡±
¡°Huh?¡± Lance and James both reacted to the sudden question. She walked in with seemingly a single-minded agenda, and came out with this.
¡°You know that Benny Ben¡¯s really upset that she broke up with him, right? If it¡¯s your fault then I don¡¯t know what he¡¯s gonna do to you.¡±
It appeared that Ben had approached her concerning what I said yesterday. Whatever happened, it didn¡¯t look like he had anything solid or else Naomi would¡¯ve been asking a completely different set of questions.
¡°Don¡¯t worry, I didn¡¯t convince her to break up with him. We just chatted.¡±
¡°About what?¡±
¡°Pre-calc.¡±
¡°Pre... what? You¡¯re not taking pre-calc, are you?¡±
¡°What? No. Look, none of this matters. I don¡¯t even care about Zoey anymore.¡±
Naomi¡¯s expression melted into surprise.
¡°What?¡±
¡°Yeah, he told me yesterday.¡± After he uttered those words, Lance walked over to the two of us and took a seat. ¡°I think he¡¯s finally come to his senses that she¡¯s nothing but trouble. Seriously, look at what¡¯s happened since you made that move on her.¡±
¡°I didn¡¯t make any move¡ I just talked to her.¡±
Naomi took a seat while heaving a heavy sigh, as if she was finally releasing a bunch of tension she had stored in her lungs.
¡°Well, that¡¯s just how it goes, I guess. It¡¯s probably for the best. There are tons of nice girls at our school Tristan. You don¡¯t need to get hung up on someone like Zoey just because she¡¯s cute and popular.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°In fact, why don¡¯t I introduce you to someone from the volleyball team? I can think of one or two girls who might be your type.¡±
¡°No, don¡¯t worry about it. I don¡¯t want to think about that stuff right now.¡±
Their expressions grew dark. It¡¯s easy to understand why they would want to cheer me up in such a situation. Between Ben sharking around for the scent of blood and me giving up on the only girl I¡¯ve liked for the entirety of my high school career, it only makes sense that they¡¯d feel bad for me.
The strum of an electric guitar suddenly filled the room.
¡°Tristaaaan! Who said you could give up, dude?!¡±
Naomi and Lance both turned their heads to find James standing on top of the teacher¡¯s desk, his finger pointed straight at me.
¡°You think you can give up on those emotions just because you hit a little road bump? You¡¯re taking the easy way out! You think love is that easy to come by?!¡±
He strummed another chord.
¡°You¡¯re mistaken. My crush on Zoey wasn¡¯t love. I¡¯ve never been in love before.¡±
¡°Huh?¡± The one who spoke up was Lance. ¡°But you just told me recently that¡¡±
¡°You know, the other day my dad told me about how him and my mom started going out. That caused me to reflect on a lot of things. When I think about their relationship, I don¡¯t think you experience love like that just by admiring someone from afar. What I¡¯m feeling isn¡¯t love, it¡¯s just infatuation. I¡¯m in love not with Zoey, but some idealized version of her that lives in my head. The real Zoey, the one that exists in the real world, is just a stranger to me. I don¡¯t know her. I was just getting ahead of myself because she¡¯s kinda cute, that¡¯s all.¡±
Though I said the words, the truth is, she wasn¡¯t a stranger anymore. I had already seen the real Zoey. She had spoken to me about all her deepest darkest secrets, and I had also been inside of her head. There isn¡¯t a single emotion reflecting any sort of romance towards me or anyone else in there. I don¡¯t even think she¡¯s capable of it. To put my everything on the line for someone like that, to declare that I loved her, was nothing but a child¡¯s fantasy.
¡°That¡¯s a boring way to live your life.¡±
James strummed at his guitar once more.
¡°If you¡¯re gonna give up just because of something like that, then I¡¯m sorry, but you¡¯re just a coward. If you want something in life, then fight for it. ¡®Cuz I guarantee you... If I hit you over the head with this guitar and murdered you right this second, the last thought going through that shitty brain of yours before you clock out would be ¡®fuck, I should have tried to go out with Zoey¡¯. Am I wrong or what?¡±
¡°Geez, chill out man.¡±
¡°Shut up, Lance! I¡¯m talking to him!¡± He played a guitar riff that was so violent, that its only possible intended purpose was to silence any opposition in the room.
¡°If you want the kind love that your parents have, then fucking fight for it! It¡¯s a powerful feeling, man. The entire music industry is built on our conception of love. It¡¯s a fundamental part of the human experience. Are you really gonna deprive yourself of something so beautiful just because you¡¯re scared? You¡¯re never gonna live at this rate.¡±
His words forced me to my feet.
¡°I¡¯m leaving.¡± I slung my backpack over my shoulders and walked toward the door.
¡°Tristan, dude.¡±
Lance called at my back, but I didn¡¯t stop. ¡°I¡¯ll see you at lunch, Lance.¡± I waved at him as I began to open the door. ¡°Hey James.¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Get a real job.¡±
I slammed the door in a fit of anger.
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - III
During my computer programming class, something strange happened. Perhaps I shouldn¡¯t be complaining about strange happenings after awakening a life-changing power like Dream Paralysis, but the truth is, this was arguably even stranger than that. And the reason for that is, I¡¯m no good with pushy girls. Though I say I¡¯m no good with them, I almost never have to deal with them. I¡¯m not exactly a huge loser, but getting approached by girls may as well be as common as a lunar eclipse. And yet that day, I was approached.
¡°Tristan, Tristan.¡±
¡°Oh. Uh, Jazmine, right?¡±
¡°Jaz is fine.¡±
For some reason, Jazmine had rolled her office chair all the way next to my desk. She wore a neutral expression that made it hard to gauge what she wanted. To be honest though, my attention was not on what she wanted. My gaze was being tugged along by the long braids that hung down her shoulder, which drew a line directly to the brown thighs that peeked out of her shorts. Though, even that wasn¡¯t where the entirety of my attention was being drawn. After all, it was hat day, and she had chosen something extremely incomprehensible.
¡°Why are you wearing a clown hat?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a funny jester hat.¡±
¡°Why are you wearing a funny jester hat?¡±
¡°Why not? Everyone¡¯s wearing baseball caps and cowboy hats like a bunch of squares, but here I am defying cultural norms and breaking new grounds. I¡¯m a real visionary, actually.¡±
She nodded her head, and the bells attached to the end of her hat jingled loudly.
¡°Uh, right.¡±
¡°Anyway,¡± she said, scooting her office chair closer to me. ¡°Mind if I hang out with you for a bit?¡±
¡°Wait, aren¡¯t we supposed to be working? Are you sure that¡¯s okay?¡±
¡°Should be.¡± At my words, she raised her hand. ¡°Miss Lindelle, I¡¯m done with my work. Can I help Tristan out for a while?¡±
¡°Oh, feel free to. Tristan, pay attention to Jazmine. Maybe you¡¯ll actually get a program running for once.¡±
The class erupted into playful laughter, and I let out an annoyed sigh. Miss Lindelle had a thing for teasing me due to my own incompetence in this class. I sort of deserved it, but I still felt I should have been doing way better than I had been.
¡°Are you behind in this class or something?¡± Jazmine asked.
¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about it.¡±
Programming isn¡¯t exactly my forte or anything. For as much as Zoey liked talking about me hacking people, it¡¯s not like I¡¯d ever be able to actually hack someone.
¡°Well, it¡¯s mostly trial and error. Just keep the basic rules in mind and listen to what the error message says.¡± It felt a little painful to tell her that I barely paid attention to the basic rules in the first place, so I decided to change the subject.
¡°So why did you want to hang out with me anyway? I don¡¯t think we¡¯ve ever spoken before.¡±
¡°Oh. I¡¯m in the photography club. I think we have a mutual friend there, don¡¯t we?¡±
¡°A mutual¡ you mean Zoey?¡± She nodded. ¡°No, I mean. Sure, she helped me on my paper, but¡ we¡¯re not friends or anything.¡±
¡°Yeah, I heard Zoey¡¯s version of what happened. But Ben¡¯s version is that you got the two of them to break up, isn¡¯t it? Doesn¡¯t sound like you¡¯re just acquaintances to me.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know why he thinks that. Also, can we not talk about this in class?¡±
I couldn¡¯t tell just by looking around because of all the computers, but it felt like people were listening in on our conversation.
¡°Sure, we can leave it at that. Anyway, I was just curious about you.¡± She reached out and grabbed a small amount of my bangs with two of her fingers, then began twirling them around.
¡°Uh, yeah.¡±
There¡¯s a contention to be made about what¡¯s worse here, her complete lack of respect for my personal space, or my inability to exert any personal boundaries before an attractive girl my age. It¡¯s entirely possible that she was just doing it to test how comfortable I was with her, but this level of boldness wasn¡¯t something I was used to at all.
¡°Listen, I¡¯m trying to get this assignment done, so¡¡±
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¡°Hmm? Oh, right.¡±
She pulled her hand away and stared at me with childish curiosity plastered all over her face. Whatever her agenda was here, I did not have the mental fortitude to handle her aggression. I lifted my bottled water up from my desk and took a few sips to calm myself down.
¡°Say¡ do you like black girls, Tristan?¡± The water erupted from my mouth and I broke into a coughing fit. She held her hands out nervously. ¡°Oh geez, are you okay?¡±
I hammered at my chest and cleared my throat, and eventually I managed to calm myself down.
¡°Sorry, uh¡ What?¡± Her question came out of nowhere.
¡°You heard me, didn¡¯t you? Or is it something you don¡¯t want to answer?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, that kind of question is unfair. It¡¯s like there¡¯s no right answer¡¡±
She leaned forward with a smile. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t care about that stuff. Just answer me honestly.¡±
¡°Uh, well¡ I kinda do like them. To be honest, I¡¯ve always thought that Naomi was pretty cute, but she¡¯s into Lance, so...¡±
¡°Hmm, I see.¡±
I might have over explained out of nervousness. I hadn¡¯t told anyone about my opinion of Naomi¡¯s cuteness before then, but it was too late to regret it. I¡¯d just have to pray that she wasn¡¯t the type of person to talk about stuff like that with others.
In any case, my thoughts quickly shifted to the main issue. Why did she ask that question? Was she gauging whether or not she had a chance with me? Or was she just teasing me? Anything relating to women is completely out of my field of experience, so this whole situation was impossible to comprehend.
¡°W-what about you? Are you... into white guys?¡±
She turned to face me with an expression that contained so much shock that I felt like I stepped on a landmine.
¡°Pfft, what kind of question is that? Aren¡¯t you embarrassed to be asking that with a straight face? Hahahahaha!¡± She laughed.
She laughed at me.
I was just trying to play it cool and match her pace, and yet¡
The sound of her bells filled the room alongside her hysterical laughter, which only served to make the whole situation even more uncomfortable.
¡°Jazmine, I¡¯m gonna have to send you back to your seat if you don¡¯t keep it down.¡±
¡°Sorry Miss Lindelle. It¡¯s just¡ Tristan is so funny hahaha¡¡±
I wanted to die.
The embarrassment was so painful that I wanted to jump out of the window and die right that second.
¡°Haaaa¡ phew, that was a good one.¡±
¡°No it wasn¡¯t. It was just an honest question.¡± My face was bright red, but I played it as cool as I could. There was no way I would let her have any more fun making me feel like an idiot.
¡°Yeah, right¡ oh, is that Penny?¡±
She was talking about the girl sitting next to me in this class, Penny Taylor. We had never really spoken to each other despite being this close to one another. She was wearing a feathered cloche over her short hair.
¡°Hello Jaz.¡± She spoke without taking her eyes off the screen.
¡°So how¡¯ve you been doing recently? It¡¯s been a weird week, huh?¡±
¡°Um, yeah. It really has, hasn¡¯t it?¡±
¡°To be honest, with all these rumors going around about Zoey, I¡¯m kind of worried about the photography club. If Gwen and Ben did something to her like spread some kind of nasty rumor, then¡¡±
¡°I¡ I don¡¯t think that Gwen would do something like that...¡±
¡°You think so?¡±
¡°Um, I¡¯m gonna go use the restroom.¡±
¡°Oh, okay.¡±
Penny got up and hurried off to the restroom without waiting for a response. It was such a desperate dash off that I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if Jazmine had touched a nerve or something.
¡°Hey Tristan, do you like shy girls like Penny?¡±
¡°Almost as much as I love black girls, Jaz.¡±
I don¡¯t know what prompted me to respond with such an off-handed remark, but she ended up giggling at my response, so I considered it a victory.
¡°So is this why you¡¯re hanging around here? Because this thing with Zoey is bothering you? Did she put you up to this?¡±
¡°What am I, her minion? No way. I just really like the photography club. Believe it or not, Zoey has real talent when it comes to taking pictures. Plus, she¡¯s motivated. I don¡¯t think anyone else would be putting in as much work to make memories of everyone¡¯s high school years the way she is. She tries to visit every club at least twice a year, and she¡¯s at every major school event taking pictures. She could¡¯ve easily been homecoming queen this year if she submitted an application, but she decided that taking pictures at the event was more important.¡±
That is true. While Krista has more feminine charm due to her status as a cheerleader, Zoey is an all-around more likable person to most people, and she has more pull in the lower years too. It wouldn¡¯t be surprising if she swept the votes up and became the queen if she tried.
¡°Speaking of which, the king and queen are probably going to be Lawrence and Krista, right?¡±
¡°Yeah. They¡¯ve been on bad terms ever since their breakup, though. It hasn¡¯t been as bad lately, but I can¡¯t imagine the two of them taking a bunch of pictures together.¡±
Krista¡¯s boyfriend graduated at the end of the last semester, and would be revisiting the school tomorrow for the event. The two of them were both on bad terms with Lawrence, so it¡¯s a good guess that something like that would probably turn into a debacle that overshadows the whole Zoey thing.
¡°Seems like this homecoming is just rife with drama, huh Tristan?¡±
¡°Nothing to do with me.¡± I continued tapping away at my keyboard, trying to fix my broken code.
¡°Nothing¡? Are you sure? Even though you and Zoey-¡±
¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about Zoey. I don¡¯t care about Zoey. Why does everyone keep asking me about Zoey? Just leave me alone and stop mentioning Zoey.¡±
¡°Hey, you¡¯re the one who accused me of being her lackey. Sounds like you¡¯re thinking about her more than I am.¡±
I decided against continuing the conversation. There was no point. It was counterproductive to spend all my time talking about Zoey when I was trying to get over her.
¡°Anyway, enough about that,¡± she said. ¡°Do you mind if I join you for lunch?¡±
¡°Why?¡±
¡°Whaaat? I think you¡¯re cool and funny. I wanna hang out. Come on. Let¡¯s hang out at lunch.¡±
¡°How am I funny? You¡¯re so pushy¡¡± I let out a sigh.
Though attention from a member of the opposite sex like that wasn¡¯t a bad thing, it was hard to get my hopes up after how Zoey had approached me. If it turned out that Jaz also had no romantic motives at all, then I¡¯d be devastated going through this again that soon. My heart was incapable of opening up to her in that state. It was impossible.
Maybe if I hacked her, I¡¯d know for sure. The temptation was growing within me to use Dream Paralysis again. It was like an itch I couldn¡¯t scratch. Always clawing at the back of my mind. Even though it¡¯s wrong and destructive, there was a part of me that couldn¡¯t let go of it.
¡°If you help me with this program then I¡¯ll think about it.¡±
¡°Nice! Let¡¯s do it!¡±
She rolled her chair over and began explaining the fundamentals of programming to me.
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - IV
¡°Uh, Tristan¡ Is she your friend?¡± Lance stared at me with a dumbfounded expression. And I couldn¡¯t blame him. I had no idea how things turned out this way. Jaz sat next to me with a joyful expression, humming as she picked at the lasagna she took out of her food container.
¡°Uh, yeah. Something like that.¡±
¡°Hey Tristan, who¡¯re your friends? Aren¡¯t you gonna introduce me?¡± The way she phrased it felt like it had some kind of hidden implications, but I decided to ignore it.
¡°Uh, Jaz, this is Lance, and that¡¯s Naomi.¡±
¡°Hey Lance and Naomi. Are you two dating?¡±
¡°It¡¯s complicated. So how long have you known Tristan for?¡± Lance quickly changed the topic, not wanting Naomi to get started.
¡°About an hour, I¡¯d say. He¡¯s actually a pretty funny guy. I like him.¡± She took a bite of her lasagna after saying as much.
¡°Hey, stop saying that. How am I funny? All you¡¯ve done is laugh at me over pointless things.¡±
¡°Well.¡± She paused to swallow, then continued. ¡°I think you just are, okay? Ah, here. Would you like some help with your food, monsieur?¡±
She picked one of my nuggets up with her fork, dipped it in the sauce container I had opened on my plate, then lifted it near my face. ¡°Go on. Say aaaah.¡±
¡°W-what? There is absolutely no way I¡¯m doing that.¡±
¡°Quit playing hard to get. Come on, open up Tristy.¡±
¡°Wait, stop it. You¡¯re being weird. People are gonna start looking.¡±
¡°You better hurry up then, the sauce is gonna start dripping soon. Come on, aaaah.¡±
As embarrassing as the situation was, I decided that it would be better to just get it over with. After a brief pause, I stared at the crispy nugget that was being held near my face and steeled myself.
¡°Aaah¡¡±
The nugget was gently pushed against the inner edges of my lips, before landing gently on my tongue. I slowly closed my mouth and allowed the fork to recede from my lips, leaving the nugget alone in place.
Looking up as I chewed, both Naomi and Lance were wearing shocked expressions on their faces that made me want to bury myself six feet deep.
¡°Your ears are red.¡± Jaz pointed it out, seeming to not want to let anything go by.
¡°No, they¡¯re not. This is how they always look.¡±
¡°Oh, they totally are. They¡¯re super red. It¡¯s like, really cute actually.¡±
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¡°Don¡¯t call me cute, and my ears did not turn red.¡±
¡°You¡¯re not fooling anyone, Tristy. If they got any redder, they¡¯d look like the Chick-fil-A logo.¡±
¡°Oh my god.¡±
Of course, I wasn¡¯t fooling anyone. My entire face was burning up. She refused to let the brakes up on teasing me with stuff like this. I don¡¯t understand what her goal here is other than to completely embarrass me.
¡°Are¡¡± Lance began. ¡°Are the two of you dating?¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s a good question. Are we, Tristan?¡±
¡°Hell no.¡±
¡°Whaaat? Why¡¯d you deny it like that? I thought you liked black girls.¡±
In the corner of my eyes, I saw Naomi furl her eyebrows with such genuine discomfort and confusion that I thought I was going to get killed.
¡°Ahahaha what are you talking about Jaz? Don¡¯t make such weird jokes at the lunch table. You¡¯re going to give people strange ideas.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not making a joke. You literally-¡±
I covered her mouth. The sudden move caused the bells on her head to jingle, almost to signal that she was being silenced.
¡°Anyway, she¡¯s just a weirdo Lance. Don¡¯t worry about her.¡± As I said that, she lifted my hand off her mouth.
¡°Hey, I¡¯m not a weirdo, okay? I¡¯m normal. Spectacularly normal, actually. Some might even call me abnormal.¡±
¡°Oh, you¡¯re abnormal alright.¡±
She puffed her chest up and took another bite of her lasagna. The situation was so dire that the only times I felt safe were when she had stopped to eat. It felt like there was no chance of me getting out of this unscathed.
¡°Dude, what is going on with you lately? What happened to the Tristan who only cared about Dota? You¡¯ve been weird as hell this week.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t care about Dota that much, you¡¯re the one who always brings it up!¡±
¡°It¡¯s a good game, okay? You¡¯d better be online tonight or I¡¯ll find someone else to party up with.¡±
Before I could respond, Naomi, who had been uncharacteristically quiet until that point, slammed her cutlery onto her tray. The sudden noise snapped all three of us out of what we were doing and we focused our attention onto her. I thought she had done it out of anger, but she was smiling as sweetly as always. Was it a fa?ade? I honestly couldn¡¯t tell.
¡°So Jaz, you¡¯re in the photography club with Zoey, right?¡±
¡°Oh, yeah. It¡¯s a fun time. I think interacting with everyone at school in the way that we do is an experience you can¡¯t really get anywhere else. The gratitude everyone shows after a job well done is also great too.¡±
¡°Hmm. So like, as someone who¡¯s close to Zoey, what do you make of all the drama and rumors surrounding her and Ben lately? Do you know something the rest of us don¡¯t?¡±
¡°Nope.¡±
¡°Nope? Absolutely nothing?¡±
¡°Nope. Zoey and I don¡¯t talk about our personal lives all that much. She¡¯s a very private person. I don¡¯t know anything about her past relationships, or if she¡¯s even had any before Benjamin. I don¡¯t know why she started dating him, or why they broke up. We¡¯re like, all business. We¡¯re so professional that I don¡¯t even know who her favorite musical artists are. By the way, right now mine is Pusha T. It¡¯s Almost Dry was such a good album! I just scraped it off the top¡¡±
She started bobbing her head rhythmically.
¡°I see. Do you want to know more about her?¡±
¡°Ohhh? Do you know anything? Come on, tell me, tell me.¡± She leaned forward in her seat excitedly, which seemed to make Naomi flinch.
¡°No, not at all. I was just asking.¡±
¡°Awww. Well, yeah. I like Zoey. She treats me well, and she made the photography club the monolith that it is today. And yeah, I would like to be closer to her. I want to be someone that she can share that stuff with. But that¡¯s just not the kind of relationship we have.¡±
The conversation seemed to be heading in a certain direction, so I stopped listening. I was supposed to be getting over Zoey, and yet all anyone seemed to want to do was talk about her. It made me wonder what she was up to, or what her thoughts were on everything that was going on. There was no telling what Ben was going to do next if he really was still obsessed with her.
Before I realized it, I was scanning the cafeteria for any sign of Zoey while stuffing my face with nuggets. It didn¡¯t take long for me to find her sitting with Krista and a few other cheerleaders discussing the events tomorrow. She fit in so naturally with that crowd that it was hard to imagine I had slept in the same bed as her just a few hours ago. Though Gwen and Penny were noticeably absent from the table, it was still an all-star lineup of popular girls to be sure.
¡°Fuck!¡±
A venomous sense of frustration erupted from my lungs when I caught myself staring at her. I shook my head furiously and slapped my cheeks a few times in an attempt to snap myself out of it. And after a few deep breaths, I calmed down and looked up, only to find that Lance, Naomi, and Jaz were all staring at me. The latter of the three¡¯s expression contrasted with the others, as her wide-eyed stare was accompanied by a smile of genuine amusement.
¡°See? You really are a funny guy.¡±
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - V
Gwen and Lawrence left their final classes early and met up in the abandoned PoliSci clubroom. It was an emergency meeting. Gwen still loved Ben, that much was certain to Lawrence. And it looked like she was on the verge of breaking down over the whole situation with Zoey. The bet the two of them made that morning was, of course, the topic of this meeting, and the reason for Gwen¡¯s renewed distress. She had naively thought that this morning¡¯s confrontation would have been the end of it all, but unfortunately for her, it was only the beginning.
¡°I¡¯m just going to get to the point. Could you throw the basketball game tomorrow?¡±
¡°Uh, no? Not a chance. Losing the game would ruin the mood at the dance, and everyone would hate us for it.¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry, but is the school dance really what¡¯s important right now¡?¡±
¡°Listen Gwen. I want to help you, really. I¡¯ve been trying my ass off for you because I care. You know that. But I¡¯m not going to sabotage everyone else¡¯s day tomorrow just for you. That¡¯s unfair to them. They deserve a good homecoming weekend.¡±
Gwen didn¡¯t respond. It wasn¡¯t that Lawrence¡¯s words had gotten through to her, but she realized the futility of trying to pursue a favorable conclusion from that angle. They didn¡¯t call him ¡°The Law¡± for nothing, his impartiality was something she was quite familiar with.
¡°So, what options do we have then? He¡¯s so excited about the bet that talking him out of it is a pipe dream. Am I just supposed to hope that you guys lose to a division 2 team?¡±
¡°We won¡¯t.¡±
¡°Well, then I¡¯m fucked.¡± She hung her arms in defeat and let out a frustrated groan.
In truth, Lawrence, who had a direct line of communication with Zoey, also had no idea what was going on. She hadn¡¯t requested that he throw the game like Gwen had, so there was no way of inferring what her plan was. Just what was her line of reasoning for making such a risky bet? Did she have some idea, or was she simply submitting herself to Benjamin for a month? No matter how much he thought about it, he came to the conclusion that the pressure Benjamin had been applying must have been the source of her foolhardy bet.
¡°Maybe we should have invited Zoey to talk about it too. I¡¯m sure she doesn¡¯t want to go out with him either.¡±
¡°So that uppity bitch can make fun of me again? Uh, no thanks.¡±
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¡°I¡¯m just throwing ideas out. We both know that Ben can¡¯t be convinced otherwise, and we¡¯re definitely not gonna lose the game, so what other options do we have?¡±
The room went quiet once more. Lawrence couldn¡¯t tell if Gwen was thinking of a conclusion, or just finding it in herself to accept the situation. She leaned against a desk and let out a heavy sigh.
¡°Did you know that she¡¯s the reason Ben and I broke up?¡±
¡°No shit? Really?¡±
¡°Mhm. It happened last year. The two of us were going strong back then. We were in love. At least, I definitely was. I don¡¯t know if he really ever loved me, but he was definitely happy with me. We were good together. You saw us.¡±
Lawrence couldn¡¯t deny it. When their relationship was stable, the two of them really did look like a happy couple.
¡°I¡¯m not sure when it happened, but we started growing distant. It was a subtle change. So subtle, that I hadn¡¯t even noticed it at first. He started responding to my texts slower and without as much energy as before. He didn¡¯t want to hang out as much, and when we did hang out, it was like he wasn¡¯t all there mentally. It sucked, but I kept convincing myself that he was just stressed with games and classes and all that stuff. There¡¯s like no way that Ben would just change on me like that, right?
¡°But he did. And it took me a while to figure it out, but I saw him talking to Zoey one day in the halls. He had like, this smile on his face. It was a smile I remembered all too clearly. He used to show it to me all the time when we first started going out. And then Zoey, that two-faced bitch, looked so interested in him and what he had to say. She looked like the devil trying to take him away from me. With her stupidly cute face and her bullshit body, just how am I supposed to compete with someone like that if she really tries? I started hating myself after that, you know. I hated how I looked. I hated my short hair. I hated my small boobs. I hated the shape of my face. It¡¯s all just unfair bullshit. How am I supposed to compete with someone like Zoey who just happens to have it all?
¡°You know, I actually tried to ignore it. I thought I was just being crazy. Maybe they just happened to be talking about something important. Or maybe she needed help with something. Like, I don¡¯t know. I was trying really hard to be the bigger person. I loved him, so I didn¡¯t want to be the kind of annoying girlfriend who freaks out whenever he talks to another girl. I trusted him. At least, I tried to. Even though things only got worse rather than better, I kept trying to trust him. I kept hoping that things would eventually go back to normal. Until, until one day, I just couldn¡¯t do it anymore. We all have our breaking points, and I was at mine. So, I confronted him, and¡ well. You know the rest from there, right?¡±
The dark rumors that had spread across the school were still fresh in Lawrence¡¯s mind. Of course he was familiar with them. However, what he felt wasn¡¯t sadness, but responsibility and guilt. No matter what happened, he had to find a way to fix this.
¡°That girl, she would probably deny it if I asked her, but I think she was seducing Ben. She wanted to ruin our relationship. I don¡¯t know what the reason for it was, but all this happening is proof of that. I mean, we were just beginning to talk again, and she goes out with him like that. And, as if to rub the salt in my wounds, she breaks up with him at my command just to show me how much of a hold she has over him. I mean, look at him. He¡¯s lost his fucking mind. He¡¯s like a dog chasing down a red mustang. He knows its futile, but he¡¯s still putting his everything into something so pointless. I can¡¯t stand her, Lawrence. That psychotic bitch that everyone thinks is so nice and sweet¡ you probably think so too, right? But I see through it. I see through her bullshit fa?ade. And I promise you this: if the two of them start going out again, it¡¯s going to be war. Not because I still love Ben. It hurts, but I could still let go if it were just that. No. The problem is, I just can¡¯t stand the thought of a piece of shit like her getting away with it.¡±
Lawrence suddenly felt the reality of what tomorrow¡¯s game meant. It was all coming down around him. The fear that their friend group would irreparably splinter was no longer fiction. He would have to change something about the situation. Whether that involved throwing the game or blackmailing Zoey with her own secret was up in the air, but the reality was that things were on an unstoppable course to something terrifying.
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - VI
My final class for the day ended, and it was time to head home. Outside of the stuff with Jaz, it was relatively difficult to keep my mind occupied on other things. Whenever I was alone, whether when listening to lectures or just walking between classes, my mind kept drifting to that night with Zoey.
I couldn¡¯t help but think about how happy I had been with her, seeing a side of her that no one else had ever seen before, and the fun I had exploring the concepts of Dream Paralysis with her.
The fruitlessness of it all, having realized that she didn¡¯t feel the same way about me as I did about her, had been too painful to bear. It felt like a parasite had found its way inside of my body and was eating away at my stomach lining slowly. But I had to get through it. That¡¯s what I kept telling myself. These feelings should be dealt with quickly. With that in mind, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and left the half-full classroom.
Students were filling the halls as they all made their way outside or to their various club activities. It was the day before the big homecoming game and dance, so everyone was bustling with excitement. The thought of it bothered me to no end, though. If I really wanted it, I could have been dancing with Zoey at that great event. All I¡¯d have to do is forget the things she wanted me to do with my powers, and forget that she doesn¡¯t actually love me.
It was a tall order, but it was definitely possible for just one night. Only, the rest of my year would be even more miserable than that day was. To me, that kind of pointless romance wasn¡¯t what I wanted. At least, I was convinced of that much anyway. The goal was to get myself back to normal.
Before me, the sound of murmuring students was beginning to pick up. I noticed a small crowd had formed a few feet in front of me as the students passed by. They were all asking questions while squeezing through the hall. The sight annoyed me, but I suppose I had no choice but to attempt to squeeze by.
As I approached the crowd, the realization suddenly hit me. The source of everyone¡¯s murmurings was Benjamin Otto, the star player of the basketball team, leaning against the wall as if waiting for someone. Warren Jackson had been hovering nearby, but he didn¡¯t seem to be paying much attention to anything in particular.
¡°Oh, shit.¡± I unconsciously let those words out of my mouth when I saw him. And almost as if reacting to them, I saw his gaze shift towards me.
¡°Oh, Tristan. Over here, man. We need to talk.¡±
He walked over towards me, shooing the crowd away as they pestered him with questions about the homecoming game. The entire time, all I could think while watching him was that my own impending doom was slowly approaching me.
¡°Do you mind if we spoke in private? It¡¯s kind of important.¡±
The words ¡°in private¡± sounded like bad news. It sounded like if I followed him, it would be the end of me as a student at this school. The cruelty of the student body towards kids who were deemed as misfits was brutal. I¡¯d seen it before. The harassment, random acts of casual violence, it was all there. There was already a target beginning to form on my back. It felt like following him here would just be the final nail in the coffin.
¡°Uh, well¡¡± I nervously mutter to myself while trying to find the right words.
¡°What? Hurry up, let¡¯s go.¡±
He motioned for me to follow him with his hands, but I stood in place. I was scared. I had no idea what to do. There were other students staring at us, as if pressuring me to go with him. If I made a big deal out of this, things would not end kindly for me. And just as I was thinking as much, the sound of jingling bells filled my ears.
¡°Heyyyy, Tristy!¡± I felt someone jump me from behind, as their slender arms wrapped around my neck.
¡°Urk¡¡±
The familiar voice belonged to none other than the girl who had been following me around all day since my computer programming class.
¡°I was looking all over for you! You didn¡¯t think you could just disappear on me, did you?¡±
¡°Hey Jaz. I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re doing here, but him and I need to talk in private. Do you mind?¡± Benjamin tried to get her to leave so that he could pull me away.
¡°What? No way. If you can say it to him, then you can say it to me too. Right, Tristy?¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t think that¡¯s how it works,¡± he responded.
¡°Huhhh? Whatever, we¡¯re just gonna leave then. Come on, let¡¯s go.¡± I froze for a few moments, but eventually managed to nod.
¡°See? You¡¯re not taking him away from me! So, what do you want already? Out with it, coward!¡±
Her playful banter didn¡¯t seem to bother him at all. I imagined that he was quite familiar with her personality. In fact, what bothered him more so was the fact that he couldn¡¯t get me away from this situation.
¡°Okay, fine. We¡¯ll just talk here then. Tristan, I don¡¯t know what you thought you were trying to pull by lying about Gwen, but I already figured out that it was bullshit.¡±
Of course, I figured it had something to do with that. His tenacity truly knew no bounds, did it?
¡°But you know what, man? I don¡¯t even care anymore. I don¡¯t care what you said to her, or what part you may or may not have played in breaking us up. Because you know what?¡±
As he asked the question, he briskly walked towards Jaz and I, a grin plastered to his face, and he muttered silently so that only we could hear.
¡°Zoey and I made a bet. If our team wins the homecoming game, then she¡¯s gonna go out with me again.¡±
His words were like a cold blade to the heart.
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¡°Yeah. And not just for a day either. She guaranteed me at least a month.¡±
Twisting, gyrating, carving at my insides.
I thought I did a good job of hiding my shock, but he seemed to lick his lips in joy based on my reaction.
¡°You know what she did right after we made the deal? She posted this picture to her Instagram.¡±
He held his phone up, and revealed an overhead shot of Zoey lying over the sofa of the photography club. Her pose was defenseless, with her arms resting at the sides of her head, and her disheveled shirt revealing her flat, smooth stomach. Her tight jeans highlighting the shape of her hips as they clung to her skin, almost drawing your mind to imagine what kind of world existed underneath that denim fabric.
Embarrassing as it is for me to admit, I had taken many looks at Zoey¡¯s Instagram in the past few years. And that¡¯s exactly why I know that this was the first time she had posted something that provocative. And apparently, Benjamin had realized it too.
¡°We¡¯re gonna do it.¡± His words were like a second knife to the gut. ¡°She wants to, you know. That¡¯s the only reason she made this bet on such a one-sided game in the first place. I mean, we¡¯re playing a division two team, you know? She wants to, and that¡¯s the only reason she posted this picture. She¡¯s telling me that she wants me to do her. Well, guess what? I¡¯m gonna, and there¡¯s absolutely nothing you can do about it. She¡¯s my girl now.¡±
He shoved the phone in my face. The picture of Zoey on that couch blurred my vision. My mind had already shut down. I wanted to kill him. I didn¡¯t care about anything else at that point. Not his reasoning or justifications, or anything else. I wanted to kill him so that none of this would happen.
Perhaps, I thought, I could hack him and make it look like a suicide. A gun, maybe? No, the pain would get transferred. Maybe I¡¯d even die. A knife then? No, it¡¯d be the same situation. We¡¯d both just bleed out and die if the effects are transferred back to me. I needed something better. Maybe I could have him drown in the bathtub. Would the water from his lungs enter mine too? I didn¡¯t want to risk something like that. Or what if I just tossed him off a tall building head-first then disconnected before the landing? No, that sounded too difficult to pull off, he would probably survive most suburban buildings. Maybe a rope would work wonders as long as I disconnected. That might do it. It was fool-proof,. So, I pondered. Should I kill him?
¡°Hey, Ben. You¡¯re being kind of creepy right now. Could you like, stop talking about my friend that way?¡±
The usually cheery Jaz spoke in such a haunting tone of voice that I almost thought it was a different person. I don¡¯t know what kind of expression she was wearing, but it seemed to cause Ben to have second thoughts about what he was saying.
¡°Well, whatever.¡± He backed off with a smile of satisfaction. ¡°Just thought I¡¯d let you know that things weren¡¯t going your way. Sorry you had to find out this way in front of everyone. Anyway, see ya tomorrow.¡±
He threw up a peace sign then walked over to the other end of the hallway, presumably to basketball practice. Warren, who had been watching the scene unfold from afar, took Ben¡¯s retreat as his cue to follow him.
And as for me¡
¡°Hey Jaz. Is it true?¡± I asked.
¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know. But for all of his faults, Ben isn¡¯t the type of person to lie that brazenly. He¡¯s just really emotional and obsessive.¡± She removed her arms from around my neck and walked around to face me. ¡°So like¡ are you involved with the whole Zoey thing for real, or is he just being a psycho right now?¡±
I bit my lip.
There were so many things I wanted to say to her. That she would even ask a question like that at all just showed how insensitive she was to my feelings. I couldn¡¯t even change my expression without breaking down. It took everything in my power just to hold all of the emotions in.
¡°Triiistaaaan. Yo, yo, earth to Tristy!¡±
She twisted her upper body to the side to try and take a peek under my bangs. I was on the verge of exploding, and here she was trying to poke and prod under the hood for something to look at. She was just as bad as Zoey. No, worse. At least Zoey left me alone after I said I was done with her.
¡°Hey! I¡¯m talking to-¡±
Before she could finish her sentence, I ran into the empty classroom across the hall. Once inside, I kicked a desk over with every ounce of strength that I could find in my body.
¡°H-hey, woah! Calm down!¡±
Behind me, Jaz shut the door while looking on in a state of worry over my sudden violent action.
¡°Calm down? I¡¯m supposed to calm down after that?! Do you think I¡¯m fucking superman or something?!¡±
I kicked a chair, and it slid across the room before falling over on its back. The anger inside of me wasn¡¯t subsiding. I needed to do more. My eyes scanned the room, and I decided to pick up another chair and hurl it across the classroom. It slammed against the board with a hard THUD, and crashed into the ground after leaving a huge gash on the wooden board.
After that sudden throw, Jaz simply shrugged her shoulders and hopped onto the desk closest to the door and took a seat.
¡°That fucking piece of SHIT! How the fuck does he get away with being such an unlikable fuck head all the time?!¡±
I flipped another desk, then kicked it over along with the chair it landed on, causing a loud crash.
¡°Why do people like that get to be popular? What the fuck is high school? I thought we came here to learn! The popular kids should be the smart and likable kids, not brain-dead assholes like Benjamin. Like, are you fucking kidding me?!¡±
I grabbed another chair, then hurled it at the metal locker at the corner of the classroom, which caused a metallic crash.
¡°Zoey doesn¡¯t deserve that! Zoey¡ She¡¯s trying her best in her own way! Trying to overcome that dark side of herself that doesn¡¯t let her trust people. She¡¯s trying her fucking hardest! And then an obsessive fuck like you comes along and just takes advantage of her¡¡±
Drool leaked down my chin as I screamed. I had never been angrier in my life than at that moment. And that anger was causing me to use so much energy that my body had quickly become exhausted after it was suddenly expelled through those violent actions. The release caused me to slump to my knees.
¡°I¡¯ll kill you, motherfucker¡ I¡¯LL KILL YOU!¡±
¡°Hey Tristan¡¡± Jaz¡¯s voice called out to me suddenly. ¡°Do you like Zoey?¡±
¡°Do I like¡ Do I like Zoey¡? Why does everyone keep¡ no! No I fucking don¡¯t! I don¡¯t like her! I don¡¯t even know her! How are you supposed to like someone if you don¡¯t even know who they are?!¡±
¡°No, you do know her. You know her better than anyone else at this school. I can tell just by listening to you.¡± She walked over to me and knelt right next to me, placing her arms around my neck once more. ¡°You love her with all your heart, don¡¯t you? Even though you know it¡¯s hard to break past her barriers, you still can¡¯t help but love her.¡±
¡°Stop talking...¡±
¡°You like her because, in your eyes, she¡¯s an angel. She¡¯s the most beautiful girl you¡¯ve ever seen.¡±
¡°No.¡±
¡°Tristan¡ It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s okay to like her. No one¡¯s going to blame you for it.¡±
¡°Shut up¡¡±
The tears I kept back all day finally came pouring down my face. And though they came down, it was an involuntary action independent of any grief. It was as if my body couldn¡¯t choose between steeling my heart or allowing me to experience the pain of what had happened.
But one thing was for sure, there was no longer any room for doubt about the truth of my feelings. I did know her. Dream Paralysis had made sure of that. I thought that I might know her better than she even knew herself. After all, she had no experiences to compare it to. All she has is herself. I had been myself, and Mrs. Brahm, and the phone thief. Therefore, I understand Zoey. I know her better than anyone else does. And despite deeply understanding the contradiction of attaching myself to someone like that, it was simply too painful to lie to myself anymore.
¡°I like¡ no. I love her.¡± My voice squeaked out as the tears continued to pour out of my ducts.
¡°Yep, you do.¡± She moved one of her hands to my head, removing my silly hat, then gently stroked my hair. ¡°It¡¯s okay to fall in love, Tristan.¡±
¡°Why¡ are you being so nice to me?¡±
I couldn¡¯t help but wonder why. She stayed with me all day and helped keep me company while those terrible feelings of missing Zoey tormented me, she stood up for me when Benjamin tried taking me away, and of course, she was doing this. Just what possessed her to do this today of all days?
¡°To be honest, I was curious about your relationship with Zoey at first. I might have even been jealous of you. That girl¡¯s never confided in me on anything, much less taken advice. And most of the people in her circles say the same thing. And yet, there¡¯s rumors going around today that you convinced her to break up with Benjamin. Of course I wanted to see the kind of guy Zoey chose. But you know what? I think you¡¯re actually kinda cool, and really funny too.¡±
¡°Again, just how am I funny, exactly?¡± I ended up laughing as the tears continued pouring out.
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s it. Let it out.¡±
The rhythm of her hands caressing my hair soothed my troubled emotions. I just wanted to let the moment last forever. Sitting with newfound acceptance of my feelings for Zoey. I felt at peace with the world. If only that moment could have lasted forever.
However, the door to the room was suddenly thrust open, and in came the Principal, Mr. Harry.
Volume 1 Chapter 4 - VII
The realization that I had been suspended and barred from attending the homecoming festivities tomorrow was not shocking in the least. Not to me, anyway. My father, who was in complete dismay at the sudden news (and also by the fact that I hadn¡¯t brought his cooler home), sat me down and asked me genuinely what caused me to lash out and cause so much damage to school property like that.
It took a lot of explaining to calm him down, but the excuse I had given essentially boiled down to me playing a game of tossing furniture around to try to impress a girl. It was the same story I told the principal, and it thankfully allowed Jaz to escape any form of punishment for my actions. My dad seemed to buy it. He even felt responsible for my sudden violent act since he thought that the story of how he had impressed mom was what inspired me to act out in the way that I did. Because of that, he decided against canceling movie night, and the two of us ended up watching Taxi Driver.
Once we were done, I went up to my room and played a few games of Dota with Lance, who hadn¡¯t brought up anything about me tearing up the classroom or my suspension. If he had heard about it, he was doing a good job of acting like normal and not saying anything. In any case, once we were done, it was 11pm.
I was strangely calm that night. It felt like the entire world was clear to me. The air I breathed felt lighter than normal. The sensations of clothing rubbing against my skin was comforting. I had a newfound appreciation for life. The future, which normally filled me with worry, was merely another concept that existed in the universe.
The source of these enlightened feelings was obvious to me. It was because I was much clearer on my feelings towards Zoey than ever before. But in order to move forward, I needed to know how she felt. Of course, there was almost no chance of the word love being involved, but I still needed to know. Because if it were possible for that almost 0% chance to change in the future, then I needed to take it.
And with that in mind, I did my best to imagine nothing but Zoey. I thought about the day before, and how I had spoken with her so much that I thought us being a couple was a sure thing. I thought about the genuine joy she had expressed when playing with Mao.
¡°Good boy, Mao!¡±
Her voice rang in my head. The side of Zoey Brahm that no one else at school had seen. I breathed her in, allowing the scope of her existence to overwhelm me entirely. And eventually, my consciousness faded.
---
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I woke up in Zoey Brahm¡¯s body. A strange calmness overwhelmed me. The first few times I hacked her body, I assumed that this calmness was simply because it was a dream, or
because it was the nature of hacking. But after hacking two other people and increasing my sample size, I realized that it was Zoey herself who was unusually cold.
In any case, it seemed like she was in the middle of some last minute studying, because she was solving some math problems in her note book. It seemed like she was writing as if I wasn¡¯t there. Was this a part of hacking someone? Was I allowed to just exist in the passenger seat without doing anything? It would¡¯ve been possible then, to merely sit inside of Zoey¡¯s body and watch her go about her nightly activities?
Such thoughts crossed my mind. However, I wasn¡¯t interested in defiling Zoey to such an extent. I only did this because I had no other way of contacting her. Thinking that, I took control of her body and begin writing her a message on a piece of scrap paper next to her notebook.
Pick me up at 2pm. I need a lift to school.
---
My consciousness was immediately ejected from her body, and I woke up. To my left came a buzzing noise that must have come from my cell phone. It appeared as if I received a disappearing message from an unsaved number.
I thought I told you not to hack me anymore.
It was a fair point. That hack was a breach of our agreement. I pushed my thumbs against the touchscreen keyboard until the message was ready and hit send.
I deleted your contact from my phone, but I needed to get in touch. It won¡¯t happen again.
After a brief pause, she sent another message.
I can do 12:30. The game is at 4 and we need to start setting up 3 hours in advance.
By we, she meant Jaz and herself. The two of them were the only members of the photography club, after all. Clubs usually need four members to stay alive, but since it was the beginning of the school year, they had been given some extra time to find replacements for the graduates.
That works.
I tossed my phone away and sat up. After taking a deep breath, I reached out to my desk and grabbed a pair of aviator sunglasses that I hadn¡¯t worn in years. The things exude such an air of confidence that I felt they didn¡¯t suit me. But tonight, I had suddenly found them alluring.
Staring at those sunglasses, I couldn¡¯t help but chuckle to myself. It was like all the pieces were falling into place without my doing anything. Yes, the stage had been set. And everything that would happen the next day, all the good and the bad, it all depended on what was going on inside of Zoey. I had no plans to hack her and find out what she was feeling. There¡¯s little chance that I¡¯d feel anything inside of that girl¡¯s body at all. Therefore, I wouldn¡¯t do anything until she laid it all out.
So, will you let me help you? Or will you fall on your own? Tell me, what will you do, Zoey?
Volume 1 Chapter 5 - I
A red 2013 Toyota Camry pulled into the now empty driveway of the house at almost exactly 12:30pm. She was beyond punctual. I couldn¡¯t help but admire that disciplined nature of hers. I wondered about the kind of hard work it took to cultivate it, but that wasn¡¯t something I could possibly understand. From where I stood, it seemed like she was only capable of doing everything perfectly. But deep down, there was also a part of me that felt wholly inferior to that almost inhuman perfection. Wasting away four years of high school while not knowing what the future will look like would do a number on anyone. Watching the train of life slowly crawl toward the end of the guided rails causes discomfort for people like me; confused, battered souls who haven¡¯t quite yet figured out what their goals for the future are. But for people like Zoey Brahm, who had the entire world at the tip of their fingers, it didn¡¯t seem to bother them all that much. And for someone like me, that assurance of hers was something that inspired an incredible amount of envy.
I entered the passenger side seat of the vehicle silently then shut the door without looking in her direction.
¡°The cooler¡¯s in the trunk.¡±
¡°Oh, right¡¡±
I left the car and grabbed the cooler out of the trunk she immediately popped open, then carried the emptied icebox back into the house and down into the basement. I returned outside and locked the door to the house before returning to the seat I was in just moments ago. The vehicle didn¡¯t take off, however, and I could feel Zoey staring holes into the side of my face. She clearly still had something to say.
¡°What now?¡±
¡°Are you wearing sunglasses?¡±
¡°As you can see.¡±
Since I was suspended from school, I decided that it would be for the best if I wore a disguise. The baseball cap from yesterday, aviator sunglasses, and a medical mask for my face should have been plenty to avoid being recognized.
¡°You look like a tool.¡±
I ignored her and stared out of the window. Depending on how this went, I probably wouldn¡¯t make it back for dinner. Which essentially meant that, in as far as my parents¡¯ trust went, this would be a suicide mission.
¡°Take those off.¡±
¡°No.¡± She reached out and removed my sunglasses despite my refusal, then inspected my face.
¡°You didn¡¯t sleep.¡±
Sure enough, I had stayed up for the entire night. It would be a problem if I couldn¡¯t pass out at will considering what I had planned after all. I was running entirely on caffeine from my parents¡¯ coffee machine. When the high ran off, I¡¯d be in the danger zone. But she seemed to understand that after examining me only for a moment.
She returned my sunglasses then drove off from my house. I stared back at the building getting smaller and smaller in the distance, until she turned a corner and it¡¯s figure disappeared completely. The silence was tense. She hadn¡¯t asked me any questions since picking me up. It was as if she weren¡¯t even remotely curious on why I asked for her assistance in the first place. Or was it that she already knew? Had she already put two and two together? Either way, the silence needed to be broken, so I spoke up after a minute or so.
¡°Are you and Jaz friends?¡± I asked her the question in full seriousness, but she chuckled in response.
¡°Oh, is that what she told you?¡±
¡°No, she said you don¡¯t have any friends.¡±
¡°Yeah, that sounds more like her.¡± She stopped talking to put her music player on. The sound from Radiohead¡¯s Kid A began filtering out from her car¡¯s speakers.
¡°She¡¯s a good person. She¡¯s been worried about me in her own way recently.¡±
¡°And you won¡¯t let her know what¡¯s going on?¡±
¡°Sure. I could tell her that you hacked my body while I was asleep. But where does that leave us? Either she thinks I¡¯m a complete nutcase, or your secret gets out.¡±
I couldn¡¯t respond. No matter how much Jaz loved and respected Zoey, letting something like that out could only cause more harm than good. It was already a miracle as it was that Zoey hadn¡¯t told anyone about it yet.
¡°Whatever went on between you and Jaz yesterday is between you and Jaz. We¡¯re merely colleagues, so I¡¯d prefer if you didn¡¯t try to guilt me into presenting my hand to her in friendship.¡±
¡°Then let¡¯s talk about your deal with Benjamin instead.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t see why we should. Just like your relationship with Jaz, my relationship with Benjamin is between me and him.¡±
¡°Hah! Oh yeah. I remember how it started, that relationship between you and him. Do you remember? You, texting him in the middle of the night, saying that you¡¯d go to the homecoming dance with him? Of your own will?¡± I was being unusually sarcastic at that moment, possibly due to my lack of sleep, but she decided to pay it no mind.
¡°You might have had some hand in it, but does that really matter right now?¡±
¡°I feel responsible for what you¡¯re going through.¡±
¡°Well, you shouldn¡¯t. You didn¡¯t know what you were doing. Let me handle it.¡±
¡°By betting on a division 2 team.¡±
¡°Oh, are you an expert on high school basketball? I don¡¯t recall seeing you at any of our school¡¯s games before.¡± I turned back to the window.
¡°Are you just going to play dumb for the entire car ride, then?¡±
¡°You sound angry.¡± I didn¡¯t respond.
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I didn¡¯t have the courage to tell her why it frustrated me. To confess to someone, then stand idly by as she put herself on the line as a prize for a basketball game... was that not something to be upset about? Of course I was upset. She was laughing in the face of my feelings for her.
¡°So what¡¯s your plan then? Are you going to hack him and injure him before the game starts?¡±
¡°Is that a suggestion?¡±
¡°Of course not. I¡¯m hoping for a fair and fun game.¡± She was lying, obviously. She wanted me to hack him. I could tell just by how much she enjoyed goading me.
¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m going to do anything yet. I¡¯m just going to show up and watch the game.¡±
¡°That¡¯s unfortunate. I didn¡¯t actually want to date Ben, but it seems like my only hope has been dashed. Poor me.¡±
¡°Yeah, right. You¡¯re the one who made the bet. You¡¯re probably going to have Lawrence throw the game anyway.¡±
¡°No, I haven¡¯t contacted him at all since then. Besides, he wouldn¡¯t do it. He cares too much about the homecoming dance.¡±
¡°So what, you made the bet and hoped I¡¯d come to your rescue?¡±
¡°Oh, but I thought guys liked clich¨¦s like that. Showing up at the last minute and saving the heroine from trouble.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not going to use my powers for something like that.¡±
¡°And yet you¡¯d use them just to communicate something you could have easily sent over text. Frankly Tristan, I¡¯m not sure if you even have any morals. I think you¡¯re just a coward.¡±
¡°Yeah, you¡¯re probably right. I shouldn¡¯t have done that. But it¡¯s not that I don¡¯t have any morals. It¡¯s just that there are things I wouldn¡¯t mind throwing them away for.¡±
¡°Like to save the girl you love?¡±
¡°Maybe, but only if she were someone capable of love.¡±
She held down the brakes with such sudden ferocity that I would¡¯ve been flung forward had I not been wearing my seat belt.
¡°Stop sign.¡±
She pointed at the red road sign to our right, then switched back to the gas pedal and allowed the car to continue forward.
¡°Was that on purpose?¡±
¡°Of course not.¡±
It totally was, but I decided not to pursue it.
¡°What do you mean by that, exactly? Am I someone who is incapable of love?¡± I couldn¡¯t tell if she was asking genuinely or simply probing me for a response. Regardless of what her true thoughts were however, her question required some level of concentration to respond to, so I ended up pausing for a moment.
¡°At first when I hacked you, I thought the things I felt toward other people were just like, a dreamy version of my own feelings. I felt disgust for all of the guys who texted you, and I felt a lot of disgust towards myself too. Even when we found out that those feelings were yours, it still felt extremely vague to me. Like, it was as if I was only experiencing a small fraction of your emotions. And yet, when I hacked your mom, the feelings I felt for you were so indescribably powerful and complex that it put everything into perspective.¡±
She stayed silent, with her focus completely on the road.
¡°There¡¯s something abnormal about you. I don¡¯t know exactly what it is, but I don¡¯t think you¡¯re someone who¡¯s capable of love. I don¡¯t think you know how it feels for yourself. Isn¡¯t that why you keep looking at people like Lawrence in secret? Because the only way you can experience it is from the outside?¡±
¡°Are you trying to psychoanalyze me right now?¡±
¡°No, that¡¯s honestly what it felt like. Even if I spend the next year of high school by your side, I don¡¯t think anything about us would change. It was that kind of feeling.¡±
There was a brief pause. Her expression hadn¡¯t changed, but she felt different somehow.
¡°You know Tristan, even if that were the case, that doesn¡¯t make me this unfeeling, inhuman thing that you seem to be hinting at. I¡¯m still a girl, and I still have the urges that normal girls have.¡±
The sound of the car accelerating gradually increased, as I felt the chair slowly sucking me in.
¡°Love aside, I¡¯m still curious about how that kind of thing feels.¡±
I gulped.
¡°That kind of thing?¡±
¡°For example, when we slept in the same bed together... If you made a move that night, I don¡¯t think I would have stopped you.¡±
I felt my lower half stiffening. It was embarrassing, but understandable. Of course it was. This girl was everything I¡¯d ever wanted. The knowledge that I could¡¯ve been with her right then and there was extremely arousing to me. I didn¡¯t want it to be, but I couldn¡¯t help it.
¡°What I¡¯m trying to say is, my supposed lack of romantic feelings don¡¯t matter. If I¡¯m not going to have those physical experiences with you, then it¡¯s going to be with someone else.¡±
¡°Like Ben?¡± She didn¡¯t answer. She simply continued pressing her foot down on the gas and swerving through the streets, ignoring every stop sign that she could.
¡°Stop it. This isn¡¯t about sex. It¡¯s not... It¡¯s about Dream Paralysis. That¡¯s the only reason you started talking to me. I¡¯m not dumb, I see right through you. You¡¯re just trying to pull me back in because just want this power.¡±
¡°Sorry to burst your bubble, but it is about sex. This whole thing¡¯s always been about sex. It¡¯s true that I approached you because of your powers, but those powers of yours made you attractive to me. They allowed me to perceive the ¡®you¡¯ before me in a new light. Every guy has something that makes him stand out. Whether its money, humor, or fame, even boring, average men can stand above the masses to other people. Your ¡®something¡¯ just happens to be those powers.¡±
She reached down to unwrap some chewing gum that she had stowed away in her bag pocket and then tossed it into her mouth, then placed her hand back on the steering wheel.
¡°But let¡¯s flip the question back on you. What was it about me that attracted you? My great personality? My good grades? My club work? No, you didn¡¯t know the first thing about me until you started hacking me, right? So what was it? Go on, tell me. Was it really that pure, innocent love you¡¯re speaking so highly of, or was it something else?¡±
I didn¡¯t answer her.
¡°Exactly. It¡¯s all that matters.. Who cares about love, Tristan? That stuff¡¯s for the birds. Only an idealist would subscribe to that kind of thing as an adult. Just think about it. What exactly is the common denominator in everything that¡¯s happened? What motivated us to get involved with one another? Why is Ben going to play a pointless homecoming match like it¡¯s the most important game of his life today? Why does the Law continue to ruin his otherwise perfect reputation? What is it about Ben that Gwen continues to go back to even though he raised his hand against her? It¡¯s not love. You¡¯re a fool if you believe that it¡¯s love. It¡¯s all about sex. Who cares if the girl you love will never love you back? What matters at the end of the day is whether the two of you get to experience that single, divine pleasure together; the one that defines all of human existence.¡±
She was relentless in her phrasing. I had been bashed over the head with a romantic philosophy so shallow, so hedonistic, that it made me sick to my stomach. And despite how sickening it was to even utter what she had just uttered, how grossly underhanded it was to boil all romantic connections between humans down to sex, I couldn¡¯t deny it. Because even then, despite knowing that she was only interested in using me for my power, the cinnamon scent that followed her everywhere she went was still as hypnotizing as ever. I wanted to make her mine.
Her foot eased up on the gas as we arrived a few blocks away from the school, and she eventually slowed the car to a stop.
¡°So, what are you going to do?¡±
¡°Does it matter? No matter who wins today, whether it¡¯s me or Benjamin, you¡¯re going to get your precious sex either way.¡±
¡°That¡¯s true. I can hardly wait.¡±
She laughed as if I had said something funny. I could feel my face tighten, and her expression eased up when she saw the kind of face I was making.
¡°Why are you taking it so personally? You¡¯re the one who rejected me, right? If anything, I should be the one hurting here.¡±
She knew how to press every button I had. She made me feel guilty for not wanting to torture myself in a loveless romance. She was a relentless sadist. And yet, I still couldn¡¯t get over how casually beautiful she was as she played me for a fool. I put the sunglasses back on and stepped out of the car.
¡°Do you have Gwen¡¯s number?¡±
She hesitated for a second at the sudden change in topic, but only for a moment.
¡°Yeah. Here, I¡¯ll text it to you.¡±
She unlocked her phone and tapped a few things, then put the phone down. I received a message immediately after.
¡°Are you sure that¡¯s the route you want to go down?¡±
She must¡¯ve been talking about getting involved directly. With my power, there¡¯s no doubt that I could find a way to solve this on my own. It¡¯s a power as good as my imagination is. But despite what she said to me, I still had my own hang ups about using it so freely. Besides, there was another good reason to approach it from this angle.
¡°You have Lawrence, right? I need my own insurance.¡±
That day, when she took the time to show me the intricacies of her life, the way she treated people like pieces on a chessboard, I finally began to understand how she got to where she is now. Using her position of power to slowly gain control over others in the way that she did. The way she views human beings is transactional in nature. There is no assuming good will in others. She offers something to them in order to gain control over them later.
If I was going to enter this battlefield, then I would need my own pieces on the board. It¡¯s only fair if I want to be someone who¡¯s deserving of her. Thinking that, I sent a text message to Gwen.
Volume 1 Chapter 5 - II
At 1:45pm, I snuck inside the women¡¯s restroom on the opposite end of the school¡¯s building. It was a risky move, but this bathroom happens to only have one stall, and the main door locks from the inside. After a few moments there was a rhythmic knock at the door to the room. Two quick knocks, a pause, then four quick ones. It was the pattern I sent to her via text.
¡°Are you alone?¡± I asked her aloud.
¡°Of course I am. You¡¯re the only person on my side right now.¡±
The response came from Gwen Diaz, who was leaning against the door to the bathroom. The message I sent to her seemed to have been effective at drawing her out. She too, wanted the game to end in Deer Valley high¡¯s loss. It was an unpopular opinion, since no one had anything riding on our school¡¯s loss aside from the two of us.
¡°So, how exactly are you going to make them lose the match? Our team is actually really good, you know. There¡¯s a reason the basketball players get more attention than the football team.¡±
She wasn¡¯t wrong, I had no doubt about that. And the huge skill gap between the two teams was an issue in itself. But thankfully, I didn¡¯t spend the entire night while I was up twiddling my thumbs. ¡°There¡¯s a plastic bag in the boy¡¯s room next to the door. Go grab it.¡±
¡°That¡¯s gross, I¡¯m not doing that.¡± She voiced her refusal to do it immediately.
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°I¡¯ve never been to the men¡¯s room in my life, and I refuse to start now. It¡¯s probably gross as hell in there.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t have to step inside. It¡¯s to the left when you open the door.¡±
¡°So you left it on that disgusting floor? What is wrong with you?¡±
¡°Dude, the stuff in the bag is probably fine. Look, just-¡±
The sound of a knock against the door silenced me immediately. After a moment of silence, the sound of footsteps began to approach the door.
¡°Um, excuse me. Can I get through?¡± A feminine voice called out to Gwen on the other side. Judging by the lack of confidence in their voice, it could have easily been a sophomore or a freshman.
¡°Uh, it¡¯s occupied honey. You think I¡¯m standing here as some kind of fashion statement?¡±
¡°Oh.¡±
Silence enveloped the other side of the door. No talking, but no footsteps. It seemed as if the girl decided that she would be waiting her turn to get inside.
¡°Uhm, what are you doing?¡± Gwen asked.
¡°I¡¯m¡ waiting to get in.¡±
¡°Yeah, no you aren¡¯t. There¡¯s like a million restrooms in this school. Go use one of those.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°What, do I have to spell it out for you? You¡¯re like, so fucking annoying. Just leave me alone already.¡±
The girl said nothing in response. The sound of footsteps receding from the hallway was the only thing leftover after Gwen¡¯s ruthless verbal lashing. And after a few moments, even that disappeared into the nothingness.
¡°She¡¯s gone,¡± Gwen said as if she had just gotten done swatting a fly.
¡°You¡¯re kind of mean, you know that?¡±
¡°Shut up. You¡¯re the dumb fuck who wanted to have this conversation in public. You know that, right? We could¡¯ve just done this over the phone. What, did you see this in a James Bond movie then decide to try it out? This is so fucking embarrassing for you. I would literally kill myself if I were you, because Christ.¡±
¡°Will you just go get the bag already before someone else comes along?¡±
¡°Okay, but if I see a single cockroach then I¡¯m coming in there to beat the shit out of you.¡±
¡°There¡¯s no roaches in the men¡¯s room¡¡±
I had never spoken to Gwen before this as far as I can remember. But her willingness to denigrate me so casually said a lot about her personality. If it weren¡¯t for her desperation to stop the two of them from dating, I don¡¯t think she would¡¯ve given me even a second thought.
After a few moments, she returned alongside the rustling sound of the plastic bag.
¡°So what¡¯s in this thing? Should I take a look?¡±
¡°Yeah, it¡¯s yours.¡± The sound of the rustling picked up as she reached inside to grab the items I had placed inside.
¡°A bottle of melatonin.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t go over 5mg obviously, but you want to get it to them sometime before the game begins. It takes about thirty minutes to kick in.¡±
¡°So your solution is to spike their drinks with sleeping pills?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a supplement, not a sleeping pill.¡±
¡°Oh, right. Yeah, that makes me feel better about it.¡±
¡°What, do you have a better idea?¡±
I thought about it carefully, and there really was no better idea than this. I wanted to avoid injuring myself repeatedly if possible. Harming a single player would be one thing, but to damage the entire team at once would be nearly impossible. Besides, taking control of their body away to do something like that would give them a hint about the existence of Dream Paralysis.
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The best solution would be to spike as many of their drinks as possible in order to safely reduce the team¡¯s overall performance. And on the off chance that they still performed well, then I could fall back on hacking them during the game to disrupt them in the moment. I doubted that they¡¯d notice anything in that groggy state.
¡°This isn¡¯t going to work.¡± Gwen sighed, as if she had just wasted her time. ¡°How am I supposed to get anywhere near their drinks without them seeing me?¡±
¡°You could swap them out.¡±
¡°Huh? Swap them?¡±
¡°For example, if Ben¡¯s drinking a specific brand of energy drink, all you¡¯d have to do is buy yourself a can at the vending machine, spike it with the melatonin, then swap them quickly while no one¡¯s looking.¡±
She paused to think for a moment. ¡°I guess that could work. But¡¡±
¡°But?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not using my money.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°Give me some money or this isn¡¯t happening.¡±
¡°Seriously?¡±
¡°I¡¯m taking the risk here, you know. I shouldn¡¯t be the one paying for the drinks too.¡±
¡°It¡¯s my plan though? You¡¯d still be pacing back and forth like a lost child if it weren¡¯t for me.¡±
¡°Yeah? You want me to go tell Ben about this whole plan and just blow it up over your face?¡±
¡°If you do that you¡¯ll definitely regret it.¡±
¡°Oh, really? And why¡¯s that?¡±
¡°Because I¡¯ll kill him.¡±
¡°What the fuck?¡±
She must have thought that I was joking. Even for a bluff that was too much of an exaggeration. ¡°Are you seriously going to threaten to kill someone over 20 dollars?¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m going to threaten to kill Ben if you try to sabotage my plan.¡±
¡°That¡¯s...¡±
¡°What, wrong? Are you really going to pretend you haven¡¯t thought about killing someone who tried to take him from you before? Or are your feelings for Ben just that shallow?¡±
Words that sounded nothing like myself came out of my mouth. But they felt right. They felt like they would turn the entire situation in my favor. And so, I let them out without an ounce of anxiety or hesitation. If this is the path I needed to take to stop her from doing anything crazy, then I would do it.
¡°I¡¯m not trying to threaten you into doing what I want here. You¡¯re free to walk away. But if you ever talk about this, then I¡¯ll have nothing to lose anymore. Maybe I won¡¯t do something as crazy as killing anyone, but I can guarantee that your life will become a living hell.¡±
It¡¯s a threat that carries a different weight when my willingness to drug the entire basketball team is taken into account.
¡°You¡¯re insane...¡±
¡°If that bothers you then you¡¯re free to leave and enjoy watching Benjamin and Zoey from the sidelines.¡±
After a brief pause, as if she were mulling over the words I¡¯d offered her, I heard her sigh from the other side of the door. She must have finally grasped the situation the two of us were in. This feeling inside of us, our burning desires for that member of the opposite sex, it was controlling us. Propelling us forward without a care for things like the potential consequences of failing. The time for a sane solution had left us long ago.
I slipped a twenty dollar bill under the door.
"If you really want me to then I¡¯ll pay.¡± She paused for a moment, then spoke up.
¡°I¡¯m not touching that.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°It¡¯s gross.¡±
¡°What? Just take it.¡±
¡°Never mind, I don¡¯t want it. I¡¯ll use my own money.¡±
¡°You do realize that all money is dirty, right?¡±
¡°I deal with it because I have to. What I won¡¯t deal with is money that I know for a fact has been on the floor of a public restroom.¡±
¡°Slide it back in then.¡±
¡°No.¡± This woman was pressing buttons that Zoey couldn¡¯t reach even if she tried.
¡°Fine. Suit yourself.¡±
The two of us paused, then I spoke up. ¡°You can do this, right?¡±
¡°I¡¯ll see what I can do. At the very least, I¡¯ll get Ben to drink it.¡±
¡°Ben? Why him?¡±
¡°He¡¯s our big scorer. Do you know nothing about our team?¡±
I didn¡¯t, but I decided not to answer. She sighed in frustration.
¡°You¡¯re Tristan, right?¡± She called me out by name, but I was oddly calm about it. The lack of sleep must have been affecting my brain.
¡°What makes you say that?¡±
¡°Ben thinks Tristan¡¯s the reason Zoey broke up with him. I thought she did it because I asked her to, but it¡¯s not like I convinced her or anything. She gave up almost too easily. It¡¯s like she had already made up her mind to do it. So if we assume Ben is right, then that¡¯s the only person I can think of that could be trying to undermine their relationship.¡±
She was exactly right. It seemed like distancing myself from Zoey was becoming difficult thanks to our initial contact that day. No matter how privately our meetups became afterwards, people were still drawing a line between us because of what happened that day.
¡°So, what are you going to do about it?¡±
¡°Nothing. I just want to know why. Do you like Zoey or something?¡±
Ordinarily, a question like that would knock me off kilter. But I felt strangely calm that day. I had no idea what it was, but I decided to just answer her honestly.
¡°I like her body.¡±
My response seemed to take her off guard. She clicked her teeth in frustration then turned away. ¡°You know, of all the dirty things in the world, whether its old money, bathroom floors, or cockroaches, filthy people like you disgust me the most.¡±
I didn¡¯t answer her. Those were her own feelings, so there was no point in debating her out of them. I didn¡¯t answer her, of course, but I also didn¡¯t blame her for seeing it that way. Of course she couldn¡¯t understand. She was still living in denial about her relationship with Benjamin. She still believed that, somewhere down the road, a happy ending existed where the two of them would continue loving each other forever. But the truth of it was, if she only accepted reality, and accepted the fact that he would never love her again, then maybe she would truly understand where I was coming from.
If my choices are between a purely physical romance and that painful loneliness, then of course I¡¯d choose the former. I refused to allow myself to be disparaged by a woman who lives in a fantasy world. But the truth of it was, as someone in the same boat as me, I couldn¡¯t help but feel sorry for her.
¡°You can leave now. If you need anything else, let me know, but make sure you delete our text history.¡±
¡°Whatever.¡± She dug the sole of her shoe into the ground then walked off, the pattering of her footsteps receding down the hall. Once they had disappeared, I waited one minute, then two minutes, then three, before I finally popped out of the girl¡¯s restroom. Once outside, I was greeted by the face of a younger female student. It appeared as if she had been waiting around for a while.
¡°Um¡¡± Her familiar voice was the one that had spoken to Gwen earlier. She had returned to the scene of the crime.
¡°I found this at the door¡¡± She lifted up the twenty-dollar bill that Gwen refused to touch.
¡°Oh, that¡¯s your payment. Take it.¡±
I had an underclassman I found double check to see if Gwen really was alone. The entire issue with doing that over the phone would have been the possibility of eavesdroppers. By having the conversation here alone, I could guarantee that information wouldn¡¯t leak out.
¡°There was no one besides her around, right?¡±
¡°No, she was standing there by herself. I also checked all of the classrooms nearby¡¡± Her voice trailed off, and she looked to her left and her right before continuing to speak.
¡°Are you two dating?¡±
¡°Why do you ask?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, I just thought that she was really rude, but I didn¡¯t want to badmouth your girlfriend.¡±
¡°Oh that, don¡¯t worry about it. She¡¯s on edge because she has a difficult job to do today.¡±
¡°Job? Oh, because she¡¯s a cheerleader.¡±
¡°Yeah, something like that.¡± I slung my backpack over my shoulders. ¡°Anyway, thanks for keeping lookout. Don¡¯t tell anyone about this, okay?¡±
She didn¡¯t respond initially, but she fidgeted for a moment. ¡°Um, what¡¯s your name?¡±
¡°Travis.¡±
¡°Travis¡¡±
She wouldn¡¯t know what I looked like under all of this. My sunglasses covered my eyes, the medical mask covered my nose and mouth, and the baseball cap covered my hair. The rest of my body was layered with baggy clothing, so she would be a little hard-pressed to get an exact read on my physique. By offering her a fake name, I could assume that this would be the last that she saw of me.
¡°I¡¯ll see you around then.¡±
In that moment, as I turned around to leave, I wondered when it was that I became this confident when talking to girls. I remembered being a blabbering idiot talking to Zoey just a few days ago. One thing was for sure; the uncertain, neurotic mess that was Tristan Collins was gone. Born from the ashes was a new me, with one singular goal in mind. And I wasn¡¯t planning on losing out to an obsessive lunatic with no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Volume 1 Chapter 5 - III
It was 2:15pm when I made myself at home in an abandoned classroom. The game would begin in less than two hours, so I needed to pass the time. Staying up in this dazed state seemed nigh impossible, so I decided to test out what had happened last night. When I hacked Zoey while she was doing her homework, I was initially just a spectator to her actions.
In fact, this whole plan involving Gwen was something I came up with that night after having that experience. Concocting it was the only thing I could do to keep myself from falling asleep. If there was any chance that she was going to betray me, then I¡¯d have to be there to see it for myself.
With that in mind, I set my phone¡¯s alarm clock to go off at 3:45 pm, filled my mind with images of Gwen, and went to sleep.
---
The first thing I saw when I woke up was Krista¡¯s smiling face. While Zoey had stolen my heart, Krista was easily on par with her as far as looks went, so it was quite a shock to suddenly awaken into a scene like that. It appeared that Gwen was seated on one of the benches in the gymnasium while chatting with her friend. The stands were packed with chattering students who were clearly eager for the game to finally begin.
¡°Oh my god, the atmosphere in here is sooo good! I can¡¯t believe we¡¯re going to cheer in front of all these people!¡±
¡°Yeah, I just hope it ends up being a good game.¡±
¡°A good¡ girl, the Ollenville Otters are a division 2 team. This is gonna be a great game! Of course, it¡¯d be great if Lawrence got benched the entire time for being dead weight, but beggars can¡¯t be choosers, I guess!¡±
¡°You need to get over him. It¡¯s been 2 years.¡±
¡°Get over it? Girl, no one just gets over that. That was my 9/11, okay? And if America gets to stay in the middle east 20 years later, then I get to be upset with that jerk for at least three.¡±
¡°Yeah, right...¡±
She must have been referring to when the Law cheated on her during freshman year. I was only vaguely familiar with the incident, so I couldn¡¯t comment too much on the details.
¡°More importantly, what is going on with you lately? Is that Zoey stuff bothering you?¡±
¡°Oh, that? No way.¡± Gwen waved her hand dismissively. ¡°Honestly, I was just surprised they got together, is all. You know, after what he did to me.¡±
¡°Really? So it¡¯s not bothering you? Even though you told her to break up with him?¡±
¡°That was, like, for her own good.¡±
¡°Hmmm.¡±
Krista¡¯s playfully inquisitive gaze sent a shiver down Gwen¡¯s spine. Apparently, she was trying to put on airs that she was over Benjamin in front of Krista. She maintained it to the point where, even though her lie was blatantly obvious, Gwen still did her best to maintain a neutral expression.
¡°Oh whatever. Guys are so lame, right?¡± Krista leaned back in frustration.
¡°Enzo came for the dance, but I think he wants to start shit with Lawrence again. It sucks because he¡¯s a good boyfriend, and I do appreciate how much he cares about the damage Lawrence did to me, but I really would just like to move on.¡±
Krista continued speaking, presumably about her allumnus boyfriend, it seemed like Gwen had phased her out and was focused on the energy drink she was carrying. It must have already been spiked, because she was shifting her gaze between the drink and Benjamin. He was still sitting on the bench and having a leisurely chat with his teammate Warren. His own energy drink was seated behind him on the bench, and it was easy to notice that it was main focus of her gaze.
¡°Uhh, Gwen?¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°You okay? You look a little lost.¡±
¡°Oh, uhm... I need to go check on something.¡±
Gwen stood up with her drink and walked over to the bench that Ben was sitting at. She placed her drink right next to his then took a seat behind him. He hadn¡¯t noticed since his attention was focused on the conversation, but when Warren¡¯s gaze fixated on her, Ben followed his line of sight until he locked eyes with her.
Ordinarily, locking eyes with Ben in a situation like this would feel extremely unpleasant. Any time I had come face to face with him in the past, every cell in my body screamed at me to escape. He was the absolute worst type of person for me to deal with.
However, looking at him through Gwen¡¯s eyes, the feelings were quite the opposite. It was as if she was staring at God himself. As if her very existence depended on the warmth of his love. I felt like I was being sucked into Ben¡¯s very core just by receiving his gaze through her.
¡°What do you want?¡±
But as soon as he opened his mouth, all those complex emotions vanished. In its place, all that was left was a vague annoyance over the situation, along with her focus on the mission.
¡°Not much, just wanted to ask how you¡¯re feeling about the game today.¡± She folded her legs then looked away with a displeased frown on her face.
¡°Gwen, seriously? It¡¯s the Otters. Come on, that¡¯s not why you¡¯re here.¡±
She didn¡¯t respond to his words initially. Rather, she took the opportunity to scan the court. Lawrence, who was chatting with Suzie from the debate team, hadn¡¯t looked in their direction at all. Krista had already diverted her attention to Penny, who had just gotten done changing into her cheer outfit. Zoey and Jazmine were chatting leisurely among themselves behind their camera.
¡°Do you really like her that much?¡± Gwen asked.
¡°Are you really going to do this again?¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m not. I¡¯m going to accept whatever the outcome of the bet is. I¡¯ve already made up my mind on that.¡±
¡°Oh, THAT¡¯S why you¡¯re asking how I feel about the game. Don¡¯t worry Gwen, this isn¡¯t even a real game for us. They¡¯ll probably throw in the towel before the second half.¡±
¡°Are you sure you¡¯re not going to get nervous knowing that your girlfriend Zoey¡¯s going to be watching?¡±
¡°Wow, even your sense of humor fell off after we broke up. You¡¯re not doing a good job of hiding how upset you are right now.¡±
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
¡°Hard to be upset when you look like such a psycho over a girl who wants nothing to do with you.¡±
¡°Psycho? Really? Are you sure you wanna go there?¡±
¡°Oh, sure. I might have bad taste in men, but that has nothing to do with how much of a loser you are. She doesn¡¯t like you, Ben. She¡¯s just manipulating you. Learn to take a hint, you fucking creep.¡±
¡°Uh, hello? Look who¡¯s talking. Why don¡¯t YOU learn to take a hint?¡±
¡°What? I¡¯m talking to you as a friend here, Ben. What are you even talking about?¡±
¡°You sound more like a crazy ex than a friend, but sure. Tell yourself whatever helps you cope with how fucked up your life is.¡±
¡°Yeah? So what, then? You¡¯re lucky that anyone still cares about you at all after the shit you did. Or did you already forget what you did to me?¡±
¡°And what, you¡¯re innocent?¡±
¡°They¡¯re not the same thing.¡±
¡°Yeah, I regret it, and I¡¯ve been trying to change. But I don¡¯t like this framing that I¡¯m some insane abuser.¡±
¡°Well, them¡¯s the breaks, asshole.¡±
There was a boiling hot sensation in Gwen¡¯s chest that I thought would burst out at any moment. The amount of anger she felt at the perceived injustices against her carried a weight that I couldn¡¯t yet fathom. And yet, when they stopped chatting for a moment, the feelings dissipated just as quickly as they had bubbled up. And all that was left was a feeling of distant longing.
¡°What happened to us?¡± she mumbled the question to herself, staring down at the floor, probably not expecting an answer from him.
Benjamin sat in silence, gazing out at the court. I couldn¡¯t help but want to hop into him and find out what he was feeling at that moment, but I could probably make an educated guess just based on their interaction.
¡°We¡¯re bad for each other, Gwen. I told you. Nothing¡¯s changed since then.¡±
¡°And you think that you and Zoey will be good for each other? She tried it for a day and broke up with you immediately. Don¡¯t you think that¡¯s fucked up of her? It¡¯s like she has absolutely no respect for you.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t understand what things used to be like between me and her.¡± His words were like a hammer to the head. When Benjamin said those words, my mind went blank.
What did he mean by ¡®used to be like¡¯? When I looked at her phone, all I saw was that pathetic, one-sided begging and nagging. Was their relationship that much different before that?
¡°Whatever. If you want to throw everything away for her then be my guest.¡± She grabbed Benjamin¡¯s energy drink then stood up.
¡°Good luck out there.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t need¡ whatever. I¡¯ll take it. Thanks Gwen.¡±
He smiled, then chugged some of his drink, before running off to continue warming up for the game.
Gwen took the sight in with relief then turned around.
Relief, which quickly turned into horror. Zoey, who had been fiddling with her camera and talking with Jazmine earlier, was suddenly standing right in front of her with a gaze so powerful that it almost knocked her off balance.
¡°Z-Zoey? What? What do you want?¡±
Zoey didn¡¯t answer. Her haunting, wide-eyed gaze was so intense that Gwen was forced to look away. She was overwhelmed with guilt over switching the drinks. Did Zoey notice it? Had she seen through it? Why was she standing before Gwen?
¡°You know,¡± Zoey began, as she walked past Gwen. ¡°If I were you, and what I mean by that is, if I were someone so obsessed with Ben that I couldn¡¯t stop thinking about him even months after we broke up, then I don¡¯t think I¡¯d let this game play out fairly. Not when such a huge bet hinges on it.¡±
¡°O-obsessed? Hah. You sure have a big fucking mouth, don¡¯t you?¡± It was bad.
It was beyond bad.
Gwen was shaken up, and Zoey seemed to have a hunch as to what was going on. Of course she did, I got Gwen¡¯s number from her after all, so it probably wasn¡¯t very difficult for her to make the connection. But still, I was doing all of this for her, so she had no reason to interfere in the way that she was.
¡°Hmm, what would I do¡ I think maybe I¡¯d try to convince my friends on the team to throw the game.¡± Gwen¡¯s blood ran cold. Zoey must¡¯ve been right on the mark. ¡°But that probably wouldn¡¯t work, right? No one¡¯s going to sabotage the entire game just because a friend of theirs asked them to.¡±
If this kept going, then everything would fall apart right then and there. Gwen needed to stop her from saying anymore. She needed to take control of the situation.
If she didn¡¯t, then¡
---
The sound of my phone¡¯s alarm woke me up from my slumber. It was the absolute worst possible timing. I had no way of knowing how Gwen would respond to Zoey¡¯s probing, and it would take me about two minutes to get there from the other side of the school even if I ran, which is something I¡¯d rather avoid since I¡¯m still suspended.
With a throbbing headache and adrenaline coursing through my veins, I picked my phone out from my pocket and tried my best to find Zoey¡¯s number through my still blurry vision. After a moment of fumbling with the display, I finally located the text she sent me and called her from there.
¡°Come on, come on, pick up¡¡±
I was fidgeting anxiously as the phone rang on the other line. The wait was killing me. I didn¡¯t know if she would even pick up in the first place, but this was the only thing I could realistically do about the situation. If it went to voicemail, I would have to call Gwen instead, and I doubted that I¡¯d have as much control over the situation in that case. But thankfully, it didn¡¯t come to that, as the sound of the gymnasium finally came through and phased out the monotonous ringing of the phone.
¡°Oh, hello.¡±
¡°What are you doing?¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°You know exactly what I mean. You¡¯re talking to Gwen right now, aren¡¯t you?¡± Zoey went quiet for a moment, then spoke once more. ¡°I don¡¯t see you anywhere. Did you hack someone by any chance?¡±
¡°Maybe I did, or maybe I just hid outside after finding you to make this call.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯ve been looking around for the past hour. You never came in or out of the gymnasium.¡±
¡°Okay, fine. So what do you want?¡±
¡°Nothing, I was just curious as to what your plan was.¡±
¡°Are you trying to sabotage it?¡±
¡°What are you going to do if I am? You¡¯re going to have a hard time hacking me on such short notice.¡±
¡°Just answer me.¡±
I heard her giggle cheerfully as if the whole situation were a fucking joke to her.
¡°Like I said. I was just curious. I¡¯m not going to do anything. If you don¡¯t believe me, I¡¯ll let you talk to her.¡±
The sound of the phone being handled filled my ears for a moment.
¡°Who is this?¡±
¡°It¡¯s me, from earlier. What did you tell Zoey?¡±
¡°Nothing.¡± Gwen lowered her voice into a whisper.
¡°I fucked up. I think she saw the switch.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry, she¡¯s on our side.¡±
¡°Really? This bitch? She¡¯s the one who bet on that terrible team. How is she on¡¡±
¡°Trust me. She¡¯s not going to tell anyone. If she does, then I¡¯ll take the fall.¡±
¡°You¡¯ll get expelled, you know. You¡¯re already suspended for ruining that classroom yesterday.¡±
¡°It¡¯s fine. No one¡¯s going to talk.¡±
¡°I regret doing this so much¡¡±
¡°Yeah, whatever. You can thank me when they lose the game. Give the phone back to Zoey.¡±
¡°What? Why the fuck are you giving orders now? Gross. I have half a mind to get you expelled right this second.¡±
¡°Please, Gwen.¡±
¡°Well, since you asked so nicely...¡± Seeming satisfied with my prostrating, she handed the phone back to Zoey.
¡°Satisfied?¡±
¡°When our school loses the game, I want you to promise me a dance.¡±
¡°You sound confident.¡±
¡°You said it yourself, didn¡¯t you? There¡¯s nothing as authoritative or as terrifying as Dream Paralysis.¡±
¡°Fair enough, but that¡¯s only if you don¡¯t care about its existence becoming public knowledge. If I figured it out after two experiences, then can you really say it¡¯s that terrifying?¡±
¡°Sure, but I didn¡¯t know how to use it back then.¡±
¡°Oh really? It sounds like you¡¯ve figured something out. Well then, I suppose I¡¯m in your hands.¡±
The phone went dead immediately after her sentence was completed. Once again, she had no problem abruptly hanging up on me.
Regardless though, it seemed like it wasn¡¯t much of an issue at all. Zoey must have realized that I had hacked someone, but I doubt she realized that it was Gwen herself. After all, it must have been extremely apparent to her that the girl she was just talking to was Gwen and not me. The takeaway was that this experiment was successful in two ways.
Firstly, I can hack someone while they¡¯re awake and sit passively while spying on them through their own eyes. It¡¯s like using Zoey¡¯s glasses, but without the wearer¡¯s knowledge. This made it a useful ability even while someone is awake, which would prove helpful in the match. I would be able to hack Ben safely at this rate. The only issue is that his body would reject my consciousness if I made any drastic moves, so I needed to pick my spot carefully.
The second thing is that Gwen was willing to team up with me on this without stabbing me in the back. If she had done it, I would¡¯ve been forced to reveal dream paralysis to her by taking her control away, but it thankfully wasn¡¯t necessary. If Zoey was going to use Lawrence to get information from everyone, then I decided that I needed my own set of eyes and ears. Dream Paralysis might be a crazy power, but I can¡¯t be inside of someone all the time. I need passive observers too.
But that was neither here nor there. My goal at that moment was to prevent Benjamin from going out with Zoey. And I had a solid grasp of how to do that now.
Volume 1 Chapter 5 - IV
On my way to the gymnasium, I scrolled through my contact list and pressed the call button when I found the person I needed. The familiar ringing was hypnotic enough to put me to sleep in the state I was in. I hadn¡¯t stayed up that long in my life before, and it was honestly a miracle that I could even put any coherent thoughts together after having my sleep cut that short. But thankfully, the line on the other end clicked before I could doze off.
¡°Yoooo Trist! What the hell man, I heard you got suspended yesterday. You good? Did you fuck the other guy up at least?¡± Lance answered the phone in his usual jovial manner.
¡°I didn¡¯t fight anyone.¡±
¡°Yeah, I heard you went crazy on a bunch of desks. You all there mentally?¡±
¡°Christ, does everyone know about it?¡±
¡°Yeah. Naomi thinks you¡¯re a nutcase. Also, James still thinks you¡¯re a child so that tantrum of yours didn¡¯t help.¡± The thought of having to show up at school with that kind of rumor floating around was enough to make me wish I was outright expelled.
¡°So what¡¯s up, man? You like, never call. Something else going on?¡±
All the tension from today slowly melted away the second I started talking to Lance. It was like a gentle reminder of the peaceful times before the turbulence of dealing with Zoey and Benjamin took over my life. I began reminiscing about the days before my high school life turned into this. The simpler times of trying to answer his nonsensical hypothetical scenarios, the flirting with Naomi¡ it was all just so much better than whatever it was I was doing at that moment.
¡°Hey Lance¡ do you love Naomi?¡±
The question probably caught him off guard, of course. Just when he thought he¡¯d be getting me to open up, I flipped the spotlight right back on him. But my reminiscing had made me curious about their relationship. If they really had been dating before but still hung out like this all the time, then what was their relationship really?
¡°Yeah, I do.¡± But despite catching him off guard, Lance answered my question immediately.
¡°Then why did you break up with her?¡±
¡°Hey, it¡¯s a little weird to answer that when the person in question is¡¡±
Naomi must have been sitting right next to him.
¡°Pass her the phone then.¡±
¡°Huh? Oh, sure.¡±
¡°Hey Trist!! What¡¯s up?¡±
¡°Do you love Lance?¡±
¡°Hmm? Yeah, I do.¡± She also answered it immediately, to my surprise.
¡°Then why did you two break up? Was it really over a good morning text?¡±
¡°Huh? How should I know?¡±
¡°How should¡ but you were there.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know what that guy¡¯s thinking. We just hang out and sometimes we even ¡ hey! Give me that! I was talking to Trist!¡±
The only recognizable audio coming from my phone¡¯s speakers anymore was the sound of those two idiots struggling over control of the phone.
¡°Sorry about that, I¡¯m back.¡± Apparently, Lance had won the battle.
¡°She has no idea why you broke up with her. Isn¡¯t that kind of like, messed up? And then it¡¯s like, you¡¯re stringing her around by hanging out with her like this.¡±
¡°It¡¯s not a permanent break up.¡±
¡°What? What does that mean? I¡¯ve heard of people getting back together after a while¡ but then like what, are you guys separated like a married couple?¡±
¡°Yeah, something like that.¡±
¡°Why?¡±
¡°Do you really want me to get into all of this right now? Why¡¯re you asking me this?¡±
¡°Sorry, I guess it¡¯s not relevant right now.¡± I paused for a moment and then sighed heavily. ¡°Hey Lance, do you remember when you came over for the weekend in sophomore year?¡±
¡°Dude, do I remember? How could I forget? And we played Dota the entire time.¡±
¡°Well, you practically forced me to. I wanted to jump off a bridge like 6 hours in, but you kept saying ¡®one more game¡¯.¡±
¡°Hey, you could¡¯ve said no anytime.¡±
¡°I guess, but you seemed like you really wanted to keep playing. It felt like you were a balloon and Dota was your helium. Like, you would¡¯ve completely deflated if we stopped at any point. I didn¡¯t really get why at the time, but¡¡±
¡°You¡¯re acting weird today, man.¡±
The sight of the back of the gymnasium came into view at last. It was a solitary building that stood detached from the main school, but it was large enough to host the main sporting area, as well as the changing rooms and equipment storage room. There was a staircase attached to the back which led to the stands of the basketball court.
¡°Okay, fine,¡± Lance said. ¡°I¡¯ll tell you everything when you¡¯re back at school, okay? But in exchange, you gotta tell me about that Jaz chick later. She looked like she was really into you.¡±
His answer satisfied me. It gave me something to look forward to after all of this was over. A return to my normal life was coming. But only after I proved to myself that, unlike what he had said earlier that week, I could change. The old me who would always take the easy way out was now dead.
This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.
¡°Alright, I¡¯ll see you on Monday, man.¡±
I hung up and checked the time on my phone. It was 4:02 pm. The game should have been starting at any second. I had never watched a full basketball game before, but I had a basic understanding of the rules, so I wouldn¡¯t have much difficulty following the game. I could feel the exciting atmosphere from outside. From the rumbling of the crowd, to the reverberation of the host¡¯s mic, I felt the compounding excitement of the game exuding from the building. I had no attachment to this excitement, however, and I refused to let it overwhelm me. After all, my goal that day was to crush the dreams of every single student who wished for a Deer Valley high victory. I climbed the staircase outside the back of the gymnasium, sliding my mask back onto my face, and entered the door.
The atmosphere inside of the gym was electric. The first thing I saw was our school mascot, a brown deer with large, pointed horns, dancing and waving its hooves around while doing its best to hype the crowd up. It seemed like the homecoming atmosphere was getting to everyone¡¯s heads, because even though almost the entire seating area was filled up, it looked like pretty much everyone was screaming at the top of their lungs. After scanning the area for a moment, I took the closest empty seat I could get to the door and folded my arms.
¡°Deer Valley High!!!! We hope you¡¯re all having a great time!!¡± The crowd erupted into cheers. If there was one thing everyone was doing, it was definitely having a great time. The host did a fantastic job at capitalizing on the energy in the gymnasium. ¡°But just before we start the game off now, we¡¯re gonna have a little bit of a performance for you all. Introducing... our very own cheer team!¡±
A squad of ten girls flowed into the court in cheerleader uniforms. Krista, the star of the cheer squad, took the front of the formation. Behind her were Gwen and Penny, and the other seven members of the team stood behind them to complete the pyramid.
After waiting for the cheers to die down into silence, the sound of a generic pop song filled the gymnasium, and the girls began dancing at last. I tapped my feet impatiently. It¡¯s not that I didn¡¯t appreciate their hard work, the performance they were putting on was certainly the mesmerizing sight. But I was really hoping that the game would hurry up and start. I was beginning to doze off.
¡°Are you sure you shouldn¡¯t be sleeping right now?¡±
That familiar cinnamon scent crept up on me as I heard the sound of someone sitting down next to me.
¡°You sound worried.¡±
¡°If I said I was, would it make you feel better?¡±
¡°Not really. Shouldn¡¯t you be taking pictures right now?¡±
¡°Jaz can handle it alone until the tip off.¡±
¡°Aren¡¯t you a slave driver.¡± She laughed, then continued prodding.
¡°She¡¯s doing well, isn¡¯t she?¡±
¡°Jaz?¡± I asked.
¡°No, her.¡±
Curious, I traced her gaze down to the court, and found that she was staring at Gwen.
¡°Are you talking about her dancing?¡± She smiled, then folded her legs.
¡°You know Tristan, I¡¯m curious about something. Do you think the old you could have roped Gwen into your plan so effortlessly?¡± I blinked twice.
¡°Not sure what you mean by ¡®the old me¡¯, but I did decide to stop taking the easy way out after yesterday.¡±
I wasn¡¯t playing dumb. I truly didn¡¯t know what she meant by that. She was being as cryptic as she had been since I¡¯d started talking to her. What I did know, however, was that there was absolutely no more energy left in my body to argue with her. I wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep in my seat right that second. But here she was, throwing me for another one of her loops.
¡°How many times have you hacked me?
I paused.
¡°Four nights in a row now.¡±
¡°Our consciousnesses merged four nights in a row now. I want you to think carefully about what that means. The process of our minds becoming one and separating. Forcefully joining together and tearing apart. Do you really believe that something like that wouldn¡¯t have any side-effects?¡±
¡°What are you getting at?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a similar phenomenon to when Mao bit you that day. Your mind remembered the pain even though you went back to your own body, didn¡¯t it? To put it simply, your mind still remembers my personality. You¡¯ve been carrying me with you for the past few days.¡±
Her words were like a brick wall. I couldn¡¯t think of a proper response.
¡°That¡¯s not¡ I¡¯m just tired, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Really? You honestly think that, after one single epiphany, you suddenly became capable of taking the risk of coldly negotiating with that time-bomb of a girl? You? Tristan Collins? Do you really believe that people can change that easily?¡±
¡°You don¡¯t know me.¡±
¡°Maybe not. But I want you to think about this for a second. You hacked my mom for an hour straight two days ago. That¡¯s a long time to experience someone else¡¯s view of the world. Think about what happened to you after that. Really think about how your relationship with the world around you changed after that experience. Your body couldn¡¯t forget how she felt about me, could it? You couldn¡¯t bear to be next to me, just like she can¡¯t bear even the sight of me. And the way you couldn¡¯t contain your anger yesterday and got suspended. If there¡¯s one thing I know about my mom, it¡¯s her lack of filter and self-control. She gets irritated easily, and she can¡¯t help but take it out on whatever¡¯s nearby. Think about it, how did you feel when you hacked my mom that day?¡±
I remembered. Back then, when I was paying for the beer at the gas station, I got irritated by the teller, and I ended up taking my frustration out on him. And when I lost Zoey¡¯s phone, I slammed my fists against the steering wheel.
¡°And what about you?¡± she asked. ¡°I might not know you that well, but then ask yourself. Aren¡¯t you the opposite of that? Aren¡¯t you the kind of person who lets people like Benjamin walk over you every day? If you ask me, the real you would never let those emotions out while still at school. Like you said yourself, you always take the easy way out.¡±
My first instinct was to deny it. I wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that I was still myself. But then I thought back to my conversation to Lance just minutes ago.
¡°You¡¯re acting weird today, man.¡±
That¡¯s what he had said. I hadn¡¯t thought about it with everything that had been going on, but my mind was nothing short of a mess. Was it just the situation that was causing me to act out in these obscene ways? Or was it my power?
¡°What was something unusual you felt when you hacked me? Something about my feelings that felt foreign compared to the way you normally feel. Try to remember it.¡±
Something unusual about Zoey. If I had to name something, it was her inhuman coldness. She felt no strong emotions like love or hatred. She was never anxious or scared, nor was she overly excited. She merely existed as a passionless machine that existed to carry out directives, which was completely different to my experience with her mom.
When you compared that to how I¡¯ve been acting since I decided to control this bet, could I really tell myself that I hadn¡¯t been influenced by her in some way?
¡°There are two types of people in the world, Tristan. Those who succumb, and those who overcome. And I don¡¯t think people like you just happen to stop taking the easy way out overnight.¡± She stared down at the floor level. ¡°Anyway, I just wanted you to keep that in mind. I¡¯m not sure exactly who it was that you hacked earlier, but those feelings might influence whatever you¡¯re trying to do with our star player Benjamin.¡±
My eyes drifted back down to the ground level of the gymnasium. There, I caught Krista doing a stunt where she was standing on Gwen and Penny¡¯s shoulders. After a moment of anticipation, she bent her knees forward, then launched herself off her friends and did a back flip onto the court. Her landing was perfect. So perfect, in fact, that the crowd erupted into cheers so deafening that I expected to develop tinnitus after this was all over.
¡°That¡¯s my cue to head back. I¡¯ll see you after the game.¡±
She stood up from her seat and walked past me to head back down the stairs to the court side. What she mentioned about the people I hacked influencing me wasn¡¯t entirely impossible. But if it was the case, then it still wouldn¡¯t be a problem. Gwen had feelings for Ben, but her desire to have him lose the match should triumph over everything else. Still, was everything I did today not accomplished by my own hands? Was I simply boring Zoey¡¯s coldness to brute-force my way through this situation?
¡°Well done cheer team! Wonderful, wonderful performance! With that out of the way, let¡¯s get the game started as our players make their way to the court!¡±
I felt an elbow nudging my side.
¡°Hey, was that Zoey Brahm? She sat right next to us, dude! You dating her or something?¡±
A male underclassman who happened to be two seats away scooted over to ask about my conversation with Zoey.
¡°No, we¡¯re just acquaintances.¡±
¡°Really? Do you think you could put in a good word for me? She¡¯s so cute, I really wanna date her...¡±
He placed his hand on my shoulder, an action which caused my stomach to react so viscerally that I instinctively slapped his hand away.
¡°Don¡¯t touch me.¡± I froze the moment the words left my mouth.
It was an action so much like Gwen that I couldn¡¯t believe it. Zoey might have been onto something. Perhaps, because I was experiencing the emotions firsthand I hadn¡¯t noticed anything. But to outsiders, I must have looked like a completely different person.
¡°Sorry man, geez. I didn¡¯t mean to upset you.¡±
I looked down at my hand in shock as the whistle for the start of the game filled the gymnasium. It was terrifying, but I had no time to dwell on it. I turned to the boy besides me.
¡°Hey, I¡¯m gonna take a nap. Mind not letting anyone wake me up?¡±
¡°A nap? Here?¡±
¡°I¡¯ll put in a good word for you with Zoey. Just make sure no one bothers me.¡±
¡°Oh, OH! Okay, yeah. I can do that. Thanks man, you¡¯re the best. What¡¯s your name again?¡±
¡°Travis.¡±
¡°Travis, huh? Nice to meet you. I¡¯m Ollie.¡±
¡°Pleasures mine.
I flashed him a smile then leaned back into my seat, filling my head with thoughts of Benjamin Otto as my consciousness faded.
Volume 1 Chapter 5 - V
It was the worst I had woken up in a long time. My body ached all over. My vision was blurry. My face, body, and clothes were soaked in sweat. Playing sports takes a toll on the body and mind. It was a fact that¡¯s easy to take for granted from the outside, but one I was forced to confront when I hacked Ben. But the most crucial detail was that the melatonin had worked. He was extremely groggy.
¡°Focus up Ben! You got this!¡±
The voice came from Lawrence, who was trying his best to sound optimistic as the team captain. But despite that, I could tell that something was off. It was near the end of the first half, and the score was 32-28 in our favor. Although we were winning, the score was far too close for such a gap in divisions. I could only guess that Ben wasn¡¯t hitting his shots the way he normally did in games.
¡°I¡¯m trying, man!¡±
Ben and the rest of the team retreated to their side of the court to defend against the Otters and their offense. He was marking the opponent¡¯s main offensive player, who was dribbling the ball just outside of the 3-point line. He was a small player who seemed to be good at driving the ball past everyone else using his speed. Ben was having trouble focusing, but he intently eyed his opponent with as much derisiveness as he could muster.
That player made a quick step forward to Ben¡¯s left that took all of his concentration to perceive, much less respond to. But Ben seemed ready for it. He jolted from his defensive stance to react. His body jerked forward with every intention of stopping the advance in time. However, the advance was only a feint. The player pulled his stance back, leaning back outside of the 3-point line and launching the ball upward cleanly toward the basket. Ben¡¯s body, unable to react to the pullback due to his muddled mind, lost his balance and fell forward onto the court. He turned back to the net and found that the shot had landed cleanly. The score became 32-31 with thirty seconds left in the first half.
¡°Shit!¡±
¡°You¡¯re fine, we¡¯ll get the point back!¡± Lawrence reassured Ben that things would be okay. But before anything else could happen, the whistle was blown. It seemed that the coach had called for a time out. The players all filed out to the benches. Warren jogged up to Ben.
¡°Give him space. He¡¯s short, but he¡¯s still fast. You need to create more distance so that you can react to him better with your reach.¡±
¡°Shut up, I know.¡±
He hadn¡¯t taken too kindly to his friend¡¯s advice, but he seemed to be internalizing it at least. Unfortunately for him, the real issue at that moment wasn¡¯t Warren, but the coach. He was wearing a disgruntled expression that Ben was doing his best to avoid meeting.
¡°What the hell are you doing out there? Are you trying to throw the game?¡±
Ben¡¯s body flinched at the question. He didn¡¯t even have to look the aggressor in the face to know that he was the one being spoken to.
¡°I don¡¯t know, coach. I feel kinda off right now. Like, I¡¯m having trouble focusing on the game.¡±
¡°Well, if that¡¯s how it¡¯s gonna be then we¡¯ll sit you out for the rest of the half. Jack, you¡¯re in.¡±
¡°No! I mean, no sir. It¡¯s just 30 more seconds. Let me score and I¡¯ll rest during half time.¡±
¡°You sure about that? I¡¯m gonna bench your ass for the rest of the season if you mess up this time. Losing to other teams is fine, but these division 2 ass-clowns don¡¯t deserve even a 15 point gap with our team. You hear me?!¡±
¡°Coach, yes coach!¡±
Ben sat down on the bench and took a swig of his energy drink. He had been overwhelmed with shame ever since the opponent¡¯s feint a while ago. It was only exacerbated by the timeout call and the verbal public execution the coach had just put him through. But more than the shame was a sense of frustration that his body and mind wouldn¡¯t function the way he wanted them to. He turned to Zoey, who was sitting behind her camera and tripod with a neutral expression. She had met his gaze with an apathy that only fueled that frustration.
I couldn¡¯t read his thoughts, but just by following his gaze and allowing his feelings to flow through me, it wasn¡¯t difficult to ascertain where his thoughts were heading. But at that moment, I could tell that he wasn¡¯t thinking much at all. Any calculations he might have been making when the game had started were all gone. The combination of the melatonin and his flustered mental state had completely destroyed him.
¡°Fuck¡¡±
Ben uttered the word in frustration, then felt a hand pat him on the back.
¡°You got this, right?¡±
Lawrence¡¯s smile greeted Ben when he turned around. He was focused, but he still tried to ease the pressure Ben was feeling by keeping a cheery demeanor.
¡°You¡¯re damn right I do. Pass me the ball. I¡¯ll drive it in.¡±
¡°Atta boy.¡±
He stood up and wiped the sweat off his face with a towel, then headed back to the court. The opposing team took a defensive formation on their side of the court as the whistle blew to signal the resuming of the game. Lawrence passed the ball to Ben from outside the paint, and he ran it up to the other side of the court.
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The small player locked eyes with him as the two faced off. I don¡¯t know much about basketball, but I assumed that Ben would simply use his size to power through the shorter player and drive the ball into the basket. And judging by the frustration he had been feeling, I didn¡¯t think he had it in him for a more complicated play.
Ben rushed to the left of his opponent and easily broke past his defenses, then jumped up to release the ball into the air. The shot was on a clear path for the hoop, but it was a little too low and ended up bouncing off the side.
¡°Fuck!¡±
¡°It¡¯s fine, it¡¯s fine! Rebound!¡±
Lawrence called for a rebound, but the opposing team managed to grab the ball before his own center could even run to grab it.
¡°Defense!¡±
He made the call to run back to the other side of the court. The ball was passed once again to the short player, who faced off with Ben on the other side of the court. The two of them stared off, but with more distance between them this time. It appeared that he had taken Warren¡¯s advice. They faced each other for a few seconds, before he made the move to push to the right like before. However, with more distance between them now, Ben had more time to carefully react. He recognized that this move wasn¡¯t a feint like the last one, and plunged forward to steal the ball from his opponent.
¡°Woah!¡±
After the ball was stolen from him, the short player fell backwards from the force of the ball being slapped out of his hand. And in response, the referee blew the whistle to call a foul. It was a call that caused Ben¡¯s body to violently jerk up in response.
¡°What?! How?!¡±
Ben held both hands out in frustration and looked around to gather a consensus on whether the call from the referee was justified. However, there wasn¡¯t much that he could gather from his teammates. Everyone just appeared to be down over their team¡¯s lack of scoring ability in the game rather than the foul call. There were now 8 seconds left. There was a chance that they could make a quick play after the penalty shots, but they were unlikely to make anything happen with Ben in the state that he was in. Ben knew this, and his frustration with the state of the game had reached a boiling point.
¡°Hey ref! That wasn¡¯t a foul!¡± He stormed towards the ref, who still had the whistle in his mouth.
¡°Stand back or I¡¯m going to have to give you another one.¡±
¡°Another one?! I didn¡¯t deserve the first one in the first place!¡±
¡°Woah!¡± Lawrence ran up to Ben and held him back.
¡°It¡¯s fine, we can still win. We just need to rest during the first half.¡±
¡°No way, fuck that! The whole school¡¯s gonna be depressed if we fall behind during the break!¡±
¡°It¡¯s a foul, I¡¯m not changing my decision.¡±
His frustration was at its boiling point. The pressure of the bet, the crowd¡¯s murmurs, and his coach¡¯s threats were mounting up over him. He didn¡¯t want the game to go like this, that much was obvious. And those feelings were all pushing him over the edge. If there were any time for me to take advantage of the situation, it would be now.
¡°You fucker!¡± I seized control of his body and pushed Lawrence out of the way.
¡°Hey!¡±
My (his) fist was pulled back before I realized it. The emotions were all doing my bidding for me. Yes, Dream Paralysis is all about commanding what¡¯s already inside of the person. As much as Ben had wanted to do this, his better judgment was still holding him back from pulling the trigger. That¡¯s why his body needed a new commander. One that allowed him to release those pent-up emotions.
Like a rocket launching into orbit, I thrusted my (his) fist into the referee¡¯s face. The feeling of bone meeting bone seared itself into my mind.
---
The pain followed me back into my own body. I gasped for air and shook my wrist in shock. The sweet sound of the crowd erupting into chaos numbed out the temporary pain in my knuckles. There was a distinct rumbling sound among the crowd that almost felt like the sound of metal being crushed filling the room, possibly from the stampeding of everyone¡¯s feet. Ben was being held back by the rest of the basketball team, and the referee, who was still on the ground, called for him to be suspended from the rest of the game.
With this move, the team lost their main scorer. If Gwen was right, then it should have been enough to give the opposing team the edge. No, what happened just then was bigger than that. Our school morale was completely depleted at this point. The match was basically over.
¡°Dude, did you see that? Aw, man! Homecoming¡¯s gonna suck!¡±
Ollie leaned back in frustration and complained to me after noticing that I was awake. I could barely hear him over the rumbling, so I decided to ignore him and stand up to leave. But before I could, the feeling of my phone vibrating in my pocket held me in place. I picked it out of my pocket and saw a familiar number, then answered it.
¡°Zoey? Did you see that? I did it.¡±
¡°Tristan. There¡¯s something behind you.¡±
Rather than offering me any sort of congratulations, she offered me cryptic words in a tense voice that didn¡¯t suit Zoey at all.
¡°What? What are you talking about? Is this some kind of joke?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t¡ don¡¯t make any sudden moves. There¡¯s something¡ like a large creature. It might be ten feet tall. I-I don¡¯t know what it looks like, it¡¯s too dark to see. But whatever it is, it¡¯s right behind you. I asked Jaz and she doesn¡¯t see it, and no one else is looking at it either. Only I see it.¡±
A large creature that only she sees. That was the explanation she offered me. Once again, I heard the rumbling sound. Only this time, it was painfully obvious that it wasn¡¯t the sound of anyone¡¯s feet. And more importantly¡
The sound¡
Was right¡
Behind me¡
I froze in place, unable to muster up the courage to turn around.
¡°Hey¡ Zoey¡ That thing... What¡¯s it doing?¡±
¡°It¡¯s not doing anything. It¡¯s just staring down at you.¡±
The sound of crunching metal continued to relentlessly assail my ears. I had no knowledge of a creature that made such an unsettling sound.
¡°What should I do?¡±
¡°Just look at it. Tell me if you can see it too.¡±
¡°I... I don¡¯t want to aggravate it.¡±
¡°If it wanted to hurt you, then you would already be dead by now.¡±
¡°Jesus Christ¡¡±
Her words were cold, but she probably had a point.
¡°But Tristan. Whatever you do, don¡¯t react to it. Other people can¡¯t see it. And more importantly, we don¡¯t know how it¡¯ll react.¡±
Everyone was still distracted by what was going on down by the court, so I doubted that they¡¯d pay me any mind even if I did react. However, I decided to internalize what she had said. I took a deep breath, steeling myself to withstand the shock of whatever it was behind me¡ and I turned around.
I remember the terror of coming face to face with that massive creature. The way it towered over me made Ben and his threats seem so small in comparison. Its entire body was pitch black. I couldn¡¯t make out what it was, but even if I could, I don¡¯t think my mind was in any state to put any pieces together. It wore what appeared to be a deer or moose-shaped skull on its head, which was the only bit of contrast against that pitch black tone.
But more than the terror, more than the great fear that such an inexplicably horrifying creature had been patiently perched behind me, something in my mind had clicked. Between Dream Paralysis and the nightmares I had been having since I entered high school, I suddenly began drawing a connection between it all, and it finally started making sense.
¡°I remember you.¡±
Volume 1 Chapter 5 - VI
The game ended with a score of 79-64 in the Ollenville Otters¡¯s favor. The atmosphere for the game was so dead that people started walking out halfway through the last quarter. Morale had been completely drained after Ben got benched, and the rest of the team¡¯s scorers couldn¡¯t fill the hole he left. Homecoming was ruined, and it was all my fault.
It was already dark out when Gwen and I stood outside, leaning against her car in the outside parking lot. Besides the music being played in the auditorium for the school dance, our evening together outside was completely silent. She was smoking a cigarette while staring out at cars driving by the street. Despite our success, her expression didn¡¯t carry all that much joy.
¡°Why did you come to school dressed like that?¡± she said it after taking another puff. She never took her eyes off the zooming of the cars on the road.
¡°I¡¯m suspended. This is a disguise.¡±
¡°You look like a douche bag.¡±
¡°Thanks.¡±
She sighed. I didn¡¯t blame her for feeling that way. Here she was, wearing a gorgeous black dress to the homecoming dance that her parents probably paid a fortune for, and I was just standing there besides her dressed like an honest-to-God homeless person.
As I was beginning to think that I should have just left her alone, she held her cigarette out to me.
¡°Wanna try it?¡±
Admittedly, though I ordinarily would have said no, I did feel something of a desire to try it. It might be because I was inside of Gwen and Ben earlier. It¡¯s no secret that they¡¯re both addicted to the stuff.
¡°Nah, I¡¯m good.¡±
¡°Suit yourself.¡±
She pulled her arm back. As bad as it was to offer a non-smoker a cigarette, I did appreciate her friendly demeanor. It was a side of her I hadn¡¯t seen before, and it made me more appreciative of the person she was outside of all the drama she was involved in.
¡°Hey¡ what do you guys see in Zoey?¡± Her question caught me off-guard.
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°What do you mean huh? You heard what I said.¡±
¡°No, I just¡ I don¡¯t know? What do you dislike about her?¡±
¡°What do I dislike? Like, everything? She just feels fake to me. It¡¯s like I¡¯m talking to a machine that was programmed to be perfect in every possible way. Which is fine, being perfect is probably good, but¡ it also doesn¡¯t feel like I¡¯m talking to a real person.¡±
¡°Maybe us guys just don¡¯t see women as human beings then.¡±
¡°Maybe not. It¡¯s easy to project whatever you want onto a perfect girl, I guess. Maybe you think she¡¯s into whatever nasty sexual fantasies you¡¯re into.¡±
I didn¡¯t have the heart to tell her that Zoey¡¯s kinks were far more depraved than whatever she was imagining.
¡°So what about Ben? What do you see in him? Especially after, you know¡¡±
¡°Why does everyone always bring that up? It wasn¡¯t his fault. I¡¯m the one who was at fault back then.¡±
¡°So like what, you grabbed his arm and forced him to hit you?¡±
¡°No, smartass. It¡¯s complicated.¡±
¡°Oh, okay. I guess as long as his hands are clean before he hits you then it¡¯s fine, right?¡±
¡°Was that supposed to be a joke?¡±
¡°I¡¯m just trying to understand your thought process here.¡±
¡°Well, I don¡¯t feel like talking about it with you.¡±
¡°Fine.¡±
The two of us stood in silence for another minute. It wasn¡¯t as cold as it had been earlier that week, but it wasn¡¯t entirely pleasant either. But even the cold was much preferable to the stifling atmosphere of the homecoming dance inside the auditorium.
¡°He taught me to love myself.¡± She finally answered, as if I had been pestering her the entire time.
¡°Really? That guy did that?¡±
¡°See? This is why I didn¡¯t wanna bring it up. You have your own like, dumb ideas of who Ben is even though you¡¯ve never had a real conversation with him before. It¡¯s dumb. People are so judgmental and dumb.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m not doubting you. I¡¯m just surprised, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
She dropped it surprisingly easily. Her thoughts must have been going back to her relationship with Ben. Even if there were bad times, they couldn¡¯t stop a smile from forming on her face. It was soft and vulnerable, almost in stark contrast with Zoey¡¯s cool and calculated armor. When she wasn¡¯t being aggressive or vulgar, even I had to admit that she was cute.
¡°I love Ben. I don¡¯t care what anyone else thinks about us. I¡¯d never hung out with a guy and thought that he genuinely cares about me until I met him. You wouldn¡¯t know about love like that though, would you?¡±
¡°Do you really think you know the first thing about my feelings?¡±
¡°I know that wanting to fuck someone isn¡¯t the same as loving them. It¡¯s just sad and empty.¡±
¡°No, there¡¯s something emptier than that.¡±
¡°Yeah? And what¡¯s that?¡±
¡°Just being friends with them.¡± My comment threw Gwen for a loop.
¡°Uh¡ why are the only options sex and friendship? Do guys even know what love is?¡±
¡°You just called her a machine, and you somehow still think she¡¯s capable of something like love?¡± Gwen bit her tongue. She couldn¡¯t argue with my logic. ¡°Besides, you don¡¯t even know if Ben¡¯s ever going to love you again.¡±
¡°He will.¡±
¡°But if he doesn¡¯t, which one would you choose?¡±
¡°I would¡¡± She paused for a second. It seemed like she knew the answer, but she was double checking whether it was the right one or not. And after that brief pause, she spoke up again. ¡°Do you really think I want to live in either of those worlds?¡±
She met my gaze resolutely. Her determination ran through my body like a jolt of lightning. ¡°If I can¡¯t have his love, then there¡¯s no point. I want to go back to the days we spent together as a couple. Anything less would be the same as forfeiting everything I¡¯ve ever wanted in life.¡±
She turned back to face the roads.
¡°I¡¯m sorry that you were dumb enough to fall in love with a machine, but I¡¯m not going to compromise on my love just because you chose to.¡±
¡°If I¡¯m dumb, then so is Ben. He loves her too, you know.¡±
¡°Yeah. Both of you are dumb. I don¡¯t know what either of you see in her.¡±
She pouted, and I grabbed her cigarette from her and took a puff. The feeling of smoke searing my lungs caused me to break out into a coughing fit.
¡°What the fuck are you doing?¡±
¡°You pissed me off, so I wanted to try it. Here, take it back.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s got your germs on it now. Gross.¡±
¡°What? Didn¡¯t you just offer it to me a minute ago?¡±
¡°Well, no one usually says yes when I offer them.¡±
¡°Jesus Christ. I don¡¯t want any more of this shit in my lungs.¡± I tossed the cigarette to the parking lot concrete and crushed it under my foot.
¡°What a waste¡¡±
¡°Shut up. You didn¡¯t even take my money.¡±
¡°Your shitty bathroom floor money? Are you for real? Forget Zoey, no girl¡¯s ever gonna talk to you if this is how you treat them.¡±
¡°Lucky for me I¡¯m not trying to go out with a second-rate cheerleader who can¡¯t get over her ex.¡±
¡°Well, I¡¯d rather be a second-rate cheerleader than a third-rate nobody. What the hell even is a Tristan? I¡¯ve barely even heard of you before this week. What, you hang out with Naomi sometimes? That¡¯s your claim to fame? Really?¡±
¡°Yeah, for now. But being a second-rate cheerleader back when you were in high school is going to be your claim to fame for the rest of your life.¡°
¡°Yeah? Are you gonna be a rock star or a rapper or something? Yeah, right. You have the charisma of doorknob. It¡¯s no wonder Zoey doesn¡¯t love you. You¡¯re fucking pathetic.¡±
¡°Oh. Oh. Are you really going to go there? Really? You, the loser who had to spend the past week watching your boyfriend froth at the mouth over some girl who has absolutely zero interest in him? Actually, screw it.¡± I pushed myself off the car and turned to face her. ¡°Do you know why I went this far today? Do you know why I made you spike his drink with melatonin so that they¡¯d lose the game? Do you know what set me off so bad that I went and got fucking suspended today of all days? It¡¯s because he was bragging to me about how happy he was that he¡¯d get to fuck Zoey. Yeah, that¡¯s right. You think I¡¯M the empty one? Well guess what, Ben is TEN TIMES worse than I am. He¡¯s willing to ruin the lives of everyone around him just to get his dick wet. And you¡¯re going to go hard on ME? You¡¯re going to say you¡¯d rather die than live without him? Who¡¯s really pathetic here, Gwen?¡±
I let out all the emotions I had bottled up within me and said something I shouldn¡¯t have said. It all came out at last. It was probably insensitive to say something like that about the person she loved so dearly, but if she was going to talk down to me like I was some kind of joke, then of course I¡¯d tell her the truth.
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But for some reason, nothing I said seemed to get under her skin. She simply kept staring out at the street with her usual bored expression.
¡°You don¡¯t know the first thing about Ben, Tristan. And apparently, you don¡¯t know the first thing about Zoey either.¡±
My mind went back to her conversation with Ben earlier that day.
You don¡¯t understand what things used to be like between me and her.
Did the two of them have some kind of previous relationship? I tried my best to interpret her words, but they made no sense to me. Zoey was definitely disgusted with Ben as a person. I felt it when I hacked her that first night. Plus, her text history with him backed that perception of their relationship up. So then what?
¡°Hey, Gwen-¡±
Before I could even get my question out, the sound of heels clicking against the concrete of the parking lot began approaching the two of us. Of course, I didn¡¯t even need to guess who they belonged to. Before us was none other than Zoey Brahm. She was wearing a beautiful, red cocktail dress that highlighted her feminine beauty far more than the layered clothing she usually wore to school. She was making a neutral expression much like the one she had worn when Ben glanced at her earlier during the basketball game. I would have guessed that she was happy about how things had turned out, but it looked like there was something else on her mind.
¡°I need to borrow him for a minute.¡± She gestured to Gwen that she should leave with a quick movement of her head. The demanding nature of Zoey¡¯s request seemed to bother her, but she let out an exasperated sigh as if it wasn¡¯t worth it.
¡°Ugh, whatever. You two have fun or something.¡± Gwen pushed herself off the car and walked back over to the direction auditorium. ¡°Oh.¡± She turned back to face me before she was too far off. ¡°Thanks for everything today, Tristan. You were a huge help.¡±
I smiled and waved at her. It was a side of her that I hadn¡¯t seen before, and it helped me appreciate her as a person more than before. For all her attitude problems, I don¡¯t know if I could¡¯ve pulled it off as covertly as I did without the drug setting the tone for the game in the way that it did. Once she disappeared, Zoey leaned against the car in the spot that Gwen was just in moments ago.
¡°Has it been following you around nonstop since then?¡±
¡°Hasn¡¯t left my side.¡±
The creature from before was towering over the both of us from behind the car. Part of the reason I spoke to Gwen was to test if she could see it. After all, she had also been hacked by me earlier that day. But for whatever reason, she didn¡¯t seem to notice anything at all. Not the sound of crunching metal, nor its larger-than-life figure.
¡°It must be because you hacked me more than anyone else.¡±
¡°That¡¯s what I was thinking. It might be more attuned to your senses than Gwen or Ben¡¯s.¡±
¡°Has it done anything other than follow you around, though?¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s like a zombie. It has no mind of its own. It has no goals or purpose besides trailing me wherever I go.¡±
¡°Hmmm.¡± She turned around to lean over her car, and reached out slowly to touch the monster.
¡°H-hey, that¡¯s dangerous.¡± Much to our surprise, her hands phased through the creature¡¯s black coat.
¡°Good boy, good boy.¡°
She waved her hands around as if she were petting the creature.
¡°You¡¯re such a good boy...¡±
She treated it as if she were just playing with Mao at home. Her calm disposition was a little unnerving. No, she wasn¡¯t the only one who was unnaturally cool about the situation. Sure, I was terrified of the creature initially, just as she was, but I had grown to accept its presence rather quickly after realizing how passively it was behaving. I wasn¡¯t sure if it was because of all the crazy things that had happened in the past week, or because Zoey was influencing my personality in that direction.
¡°Good boy, Castro.¡±
¡°Castro?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a cute name, isn¡¯t it?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know about that¡¡±
She was weird, but I admired how free she was. How cute was it that she was so willing to pet a terrifying creature that she knew absolutely nothing about? It just made me realize that there are so little things that I know about her.
¡°Hmmm. Do you know what I think, Tristan?¡± she asked, as she turned to face me. ¡°This is just a theory, but I think that your hacking is creating this creature.¡±
¡°What do you mean, creating it¡? Like, I wanted to make this?¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t think it¡¯s intentional. If I had to guess, it¡¯s related to the mystery of your power. It¡¯s like you¡¯re using the data you gathered during your hacks to make a copy. Considering the fact that it¡¯s so lifeless, and the fact that you, the person with the power of Dream Paralysis, and me, the person who¡¯s been a victim of it the most, are the only two people who can perceive it, then it¡¯s possible that its existence might be a product of our merged consciousnesses.¡±
It was hard to refute. What she said was complete conjecture on her part, but as a working theory, it did make sense. It¡¯s entirely possible that if I hacked Gwen three or so more times then she might be able to see it too. Not only that, but the possibility that it would show signs of life in the future were very real.
¡°Well regardless of what it is, I think it¡¯d be safe to avoid using Dream Paralysis for now. There¡¯s no telling what¡¯ll happen if you feed it more data.¡±
¡°Yeah¡¡±
The two of us stood in silence. The sound of music coming from the auditorium still set the mood for our meeting. And unlike with Gwen, it got my heart beating like crazy.
¡°I¡¯m proud of what you did today, you know.¡±
¡°Proud¡?¡±
¡°You don¡¯t think you should be too? You got Ben to throw the match without revealing your powers. No one¡¯s going to know how hard you worked to make it happen, but I think you should take pride in how amazing that is.¡±
She was right. Though I hadn¡¯t done it for praise, no one will understand the amount of work that went into getting things to go the way they did today. No one except for her.
But as I was thinking that, the upbeat song ended, and on came a slower, more intimate piece of music came on. Zoey seemed to have noticed it too, and she tucked her hair behind her ear.
¡°So how about it? Would you like your reward now?¡±
¡°What? Out here?¡±
¡°Well, we could go inside. But I think you¡¯d get in trouble if we did that.¡±
¡°Oh, right.¡± I laughed nervously. Taking it as a sign, she grabbed my hand and gently pulled me towards her. Our bodies were close. Her face was right in front of me.
¡°What, you single-handedly planned everything that happened today to perfection, and yet you somehow forgot that you were suspended?¡±
¡°My mind went blank, okay? I just really wanted to dance with you.¡±
Her eyes narrowed.
¡°Don¡¯t act all mushy. You don¡¯t really love me, remember? This is purely physical for you.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s deeper than than. It¡¯s more like, being with you makes me want to be a better person.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t know me.¡±
¡°Do you need to know someone to know that you¡¯re in love with them?¡±
¡°Of course you do. You¡¯re going to find things out about me that¡¯ll make you hate me.¡±
¡°It¡¯s the wanting to learn about you that means that I love you.¡±
¡°No it doesn¡¯t.¡±
¡°It does. The good things and the bad, I want to know everything about you. I want to know about your favorite food, your taste in movies, I want you to talk to me about cameras. I want you to tell me who you hate, your most embarrassing secrets, celebrity crushes, everything. That¡¯s what it means for me to love you.¡°
¡°Is this how you sweet-talked Gwen into helping you?¡±
¡°Did it make you jealous?¡±
¡°Hmmm, and if it did? What would you say to console me?¡± She grinned, as if testing me.
¡°I¡¯d tell you that I only have eyes for Zoey Brahm.¡± She hesitated for a moment. It was brief, but I could tell that she was taken off-guard by that one. A rare win for me. But as soon as I noticed that hesitation, her confident smile returned as if it were never gone at all.
¡°Really? Even though you pointed your invisible gun at me last night? Is that how you treat the only girl you have eyes for?¡±
¡°That was¡¡±
It was true, I had no excuse. She made me promise. I wasn¡¯t supposed to use my power against her anymore. That was the agreement we made after she dropped me off yesterday. And yet, not even a full day later, I broke our agreement. I used dream paralysis on her.
¡°I¡¯m sorry. I won¡¯t do it again.¡±
She went quiet for a moment. I couldn¡¯t tell what she was thinking, or whether she decided that she would forgive me or not. However, one thing was for sure, and it was that her next words were being considered very carefully. And after that brief pause, she finally spoke up.
¡°I made the bet to force you into using your powers again. I knew that Ben, who had developed a complex about your possible relationship with me, would tell you about the bet and rub it in your face. I knew you¡¯d find some way to stop it using your powers. I manipulated you. I did it because I knew that you¡¯d be able to throw your morals away and justify using them for your own gain in that situation.¡± She admitted it to me with her usual neutral expression. As if she hadn¡¯t felt an ounce of guilt about it. ¡°Can you really love a girl like that, Tristan? A girl who¡¯s so openly willing to manipulate you to get what she wants? A girl who can only feel anything at all from staring at other people from afar?¡±
It was a good question. Couldn¡¯t I find someone who would treat me better than this? Someone who would respect me and, more importantly, love me more as a human being than as a tool to reach her own goals? No, none of that really mattered. Being together with her like this, our bodies and souls joining together as we danced to cheesy homecoming music, it all felt like nothing else in the world mattered. As long as I could be with her like this forever, then I didn¡¯t mind being a tool.
¡°I love every single inch of you,¡± I said it plainly, and she smiled. It was an ominous smile whose meaning I couldn¡¯t yet deduce. But it was fine. As long as I could be with Zoey forever, then being used by her would be fine. The large black creature looked down on us as if it were our guardian angel, just staring down with those empty black eyes.
¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll be able to sleep tonight with that thing watching over me.¡±
¡°He seems harmless, I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll be fine.¡±
Her eyes focused on it as we continued dancing.
¡°You know Zoey, I actually¡ I think I¡¯ve seen it before. No, I know I have.¡±
¡°Oh, really?¡±
¡°Yeah. I think it was this one summer camp I went to before our first year in high school. It must have come to me in a dream or something, but it was there. It was in the forest near the cabins, and I dreamt that it kept following me around into the forest no matter how far I went. And then¡¡±
¡°Oh.¡± Zoey interrupted me. It seemed like I had said something surprising.
¡°Oh? Oh what?¡±
¡°I was just wondering when you¡¯d finally bring it up, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Bring it¡ what are you talking about?¡±
¡°Hmm, how to put it¡ do you remember what the passcode to my phone is?¡±
¡°Your passcode?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not upset, don¡¯t worry. Can you say it aloud?¡±
¡°Your passcode? Uhm¡ 190803?¡±
¡°That¡¯s correct. Now, if we were to assume that this was a date in the format of year, month, day, what would that come up to?¡±
¡°What would it¡ that would be August 3rd 2019¡ wait.¡±
I paused. That date, it was when that had happened. It was something only my parents, the camp counsellors and I should be uniquely familiar with. So why did she know it? And why was she so gleefully basking in my shock?
¡°You really don¡¯t remember then? I went to the same summer camp as you did. It¡¯s near both our houses, you know? It¡¯s not surprising.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡ huh?¡±
¡°On the night of the 3rd, I went out to use the bathroom and saw you walking into the forest. I didn¡¯t know who you were at the time, but I was curious about what you were getting up to when we were all supposed to be asleep. So, in my usual fashion, I decided to trail you to satisfy my curiosity.¡±
¡°Uhuh¡¡±
¡°And well, after a while, you came to this small clearing in the forest. There was a large stump from a tree that must¡¯ve been cut down some time in the past. And, sleeping at the roots of that stump, was this menacingly large grizzly bear. And you were just standing there, staring at it from about eight feet away.¡±
It was the same as my dream.
¡°You stood there for what felt like an eternity. I genuinely couldn¡¯t tell what you were thinking while you stared at that sleeping bear. I don¡¯t know if I was more worried for you than curious about what it was that you were about to do, but I couldn¡¯t stop watching. And you know, you surprised me. I thought you would maybe take a picture or just head back, but you walked right up to it. Your pace was steady, and your feet were crunching the leaves and grass underneath your feet. It was like you didn¡¯t care at all about waking it up.¡±
I was petrified. It was all the same as my dream.
¡°And then, once you got in close, you reached out to lay your palm on its forehead. Yes, you did that. It was pure insanity. I wanted to call out to you then. I wanted to tell you that you were being an idiot. But the truth is, I was scared. I was scared of being noticed by the bear. Would you have reacted if I called out to you, I wonder? Would you have been saved? I still think about it to this day. Because when you touched the bear, that¡¯s when it happened.¡±
¡°It pushed me down.¡±
¡°Yeah. Only, it didn¡¯t look like a bear once it woke up. Its coat was much darker, and, I couldn¡¯t see very well, but it¡¯s head looked like a skull. I wasn¡¯t sure what exactly was going on, but I remember thinking that it was wrestling you to the ground. I thought you were for sure going to die, so I ran back off to the camp while screaming as loudly as I could. I screamed and screamed. And eventually, once I got back, an adult came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I told them what I had seen, and they ran up with me back to that clearing. There, we found you lying barely conscious next to the stump. You were scratched up, sure, but it wasn¡¯t anything brutal at all. When we finally ran up to you, your still half-opened eyes were focused on me. It was like I was the only thing you could recognize in a world of insanity. And I stared back into yours. And we just stayed like that for a while as the counselors tried to get you to stay awake.¡±
I remembered it all. After it pushed me down, it was like that creature, the one looming above us at that moment, had left the bear¡¯s body and had jumped down my throat. It was like I was swallowing gallons upon gallons of some thick, heavy liquid. And of course, I remembered Zoey. It was my first dream about her. At least, that¡¯s what I had thought at the time. But I was suddenly forced to face the truth that it wasn¡¯t actually a dream at all.
¡°The counselors said it was probably just a bear,¡± Zoey continued. ¡°But I knew something was wrong. I looked it up on the internet for weeks after it happened, but I couldn¡¯t find anything that accurately described what it was that I had witnessed. I eventually convinced myself that I was just seeing things. I didn¡¯t even bother approaching you to ask about it when I found out that we were in the same year. I decided to maintain a healthy distance from you and say hello to you in the halls. It just felt like something that should have stayed locked away forever.¡±
¡°That is, until I hacked you,¡± I said.
¡°That¡¯s it. I wouldn¡¯t put any stake in some kind of supernatural conclusion like that normally, but after seeing what happened to you that night, I couldn¡¯t toss anything aside. It was like you knew what happened in my dream. No, more than that, it was like you felt responsible for it. But how could you? I saw that dream. I texted it myself. How could you have known what I did in my dreams? Only, what if it wasn¡¯t me? What if it was someone who gained access to my body while I was sleeping?¡±
The music finally stopped. Her footsteps ended, and mine followed, and she pulled herself away from me.
¡°Do you know what I think? I think that bear was using Dream Paralysis to lure prey into the woods. I think that demonic creature that¡¯s standing behind you is the source of that power. And I think, when it attacked you, that demon detached itself from the bear and chose to latch onto you instead. I can¡¯t imagine why, though. The bear was so skillfully using the power that it must have done it plenty of times before, so I¡¯m not sure why the power was suddenly transferred.
It was more conjecture. A bear using this power to hack a human being? What kind of conclusion is that? It certainly does match everything that happened, but was something like that really possible? But one thing¡¯s for sure. It was a theory that had more merit than anything I could ever come up with.
¡°I would like you to think about my offer again, Tristan. I think that it would benefit you to spend the next year with me learning about this power of yours here at school. After what you did today, don¡¯t you think it¡¯s the perfect sandbox to test yourself? And of course, I want you to consider using them with me after you graduate, too.¡±
Of course, she was referring to her desire to use Dream Paralysis to rule the world. I had no idea if something that grand was possible for an underachiever like me. I could barely get through my high school classes without pulling my hair out, so to imagine myself as the ruler of the world was a bit far-fetched.
But¡
For that smile, I would gladly risk everything I had.
I held her hand up to my face and leaned in to gently kiss it.
And with a gentle smile, I stared back up at her face, as if resolutely submitting myself.
¡°I¡¯m yours.¡±
Volume 1 - Epilogue
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
When the dance ended and it was time to leave, I spent my last few minutes sitting at the edge of the auditorium¡¯s stage flipping through the pictures I¡¯d captured on my camera. It was a mirrorless camera that I had spent about a year¡¯s worth of saved allowance on during freshman year, and it was the crux of the photography club¡¯s operations at Deer Valley high. I was contemplating uploading a select few of these images to the photography club¡¯s Instagram page when I got home, then e-mailing the entire catalogue to the Deer Valley high website administrator for hosting on their end.
Overall, homecoming might have ended up being the worst that it could¡¯ve been for the average student. Our team lost the basketball game which put a huge damper on the mood, and it seemed like Lawrence and Krista¡¯s boyfriend, Enzo, had gotten into a huge disagreement over something pointless. I had to admit though, I was quite curious about it, so I decided that I would interrogate Lawrence by mail as soon as I got home.
¡°Yo, yo! Zoeyyy!¡±
I looked up from the camera and found Jazmine tilting her head playfully in front of me. The auditorium was almost completely empty at this point save for the principle, Mr. Harry, and about a dozen scattered students still loitering about.
¡°Oh, how are you doing Jaz?¡±
¡°I dunnoooo. This was our last homecoming dance, but the atmosphere was kind of boring. Why did we have to go and lose that basketball game? Do you think that bet you made with Ben got to his head?¡±
¡°Probably.¡±
I paid her no mind and continued scrolling through the photos. Overall, I thought that we had done a decent job, so I felt quite satisfied with what I saw.
¡°Hmmm. Oh, by the way, I hung out with Tristan yesterday, like you suggested. He¡¯s really funny! I like him. I might start talking to him more next week.¡±
¡°Tristan? Funny?¡±
¡°Yeah, yeah.¡±
Like I suggested. Those were the words she used. And after all, they weren¡¯t a lie, were they? After that big meeting with Benjamin and company the day before, the one where I made the bet with him, I happened to run into Jazmine. Normally, she respected my private life enough to leave it alone, but I suppose with how everything was snowballing, she couldn¡¯t stifle her curiosity. She asked me what was going on with a serious look on her face. Why I started dating Benjamin, why I broke up with him after a single day, and whether or not Tristan was involved.
¡°What do you know about Tristan?¡± I asked her at the time.
Of course, she knew absolutely nothing. He wasn¡¯t exactly someone who stood out from the crowd, after all, and he wasn¡¯t in any clubs so she hadn¡¯t had a chance to really talk to him. ¡°If you want to know more about him, then why don¡¯t you spend today getting to know him?¡±
It was a suggestion that had taken the adventurous Jazmine by surprise. The two of us had nothing that resembled a friendly relationship. In fact, the reason I liked her so much as a member of the photography club was because she quickly understood that prodding me for information about my personal life was something I wasn¡¯t a fan of.
So, for the two of us to have a casual conversation about a boy at school was a prospect she simply couldn¡¯t refuse. She might have even imagined that it would¡¯ve been the start of our budding friendship together.
However, I only suggested it because I needed her to keep an eye on him for me. After all, there was no telling what would happen if Benjamin confronted him while he was alone. He needed someone in his corner, and Jazmine¡¯s loyalty would prove effective when in the face of a situation that dire.
¡°Oh, is that so?¡±
But in response to her comment about wanting to spend more time with Tristan, I offered up a vague response without looking up from the camera.
¡°Yeahhh. He said he had nothing to do with you breaking up with Ben and everything, so I guess I ran into a dead end on that. But you know what? I think he really likes you.¡±
My fingers froze.
¡°What makes you say that?¡±
¡°Nothing really, it¡¯s just a feeling.¡±
¡°That so?¡±
I continued scrolling through the camera¡¯s gallery. Naturally, I heard rumors about his tantrum in the classroom. I had assumed that it was because of Ben egging him on, but since she was in the room with him as well, there might have been more to it. What happened between the two of them? Wanting to maintain the distance between myself and Jazmine meant that, unfortunately, I wouldn¡¯t be able to ask her directly. I therefore decided that I would have to question Tristan later.
¡°Mmmm¡ So what¡¯s on the menu for next week, captain? Do we have anything fun on the agenda?¡±
¡°Well, I was thinking about the volleyball club.¡±
¡°Ohh, that¡¯s the club Naomi¡¯s in, right? Sounds like fun! I wonder if they¡¯ll let me get a spike in while we¡¯re there? I love visiting the volleyball club!¡±
She punched at the air excitedly, miming the actions of a professional boxer.
¡°Oh, by the way¡¡± she said.
¡°Hmm? What is it?¡±
¡°Someone wanted to talk to you. Ben¡¯s friend. He¡¯s on the basketball team.¡±
Since she said Ben¡¯s friend, then it must have been Lawrence. After all, the two of us did have things we needed to talk about. I thought that this meeting would be related to what happened during the homecoming dance, or maybe he was upset that my bet had distracted Benjamin.
Whatever the case, I decided that it was best to get it over with sooner rather than later.
¡°Where is he?¡±
¡°Ummm, he¡¯s right over there. Near the door.¡±
¡°Near the door?¡±
My eyes followed hers, and I spotted a dark-skinned male student with his feet kicked up on a row of chairs. He was waving his fingers around like the conductor of a band would, in and out, in and out.
¡°Oh, Warren? I wonder what he wants.¡±
¡°Maybe he wants to apologize for Ben?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t really need any apologies, though. I won the bet after all.¡±
Warren struck me as someone who was pretty far on the spectrum, so I was generally more forgiving of his stranger tendencies compared to what I¡¯d give the average person. However, I was still curious about what it was that he wanted to talk to me about, so I decided that I¡¯d at least go and say hello.
I reached into my bag to pull out my glasses case, then slid the arms onto my ears. I turned them on and made sure that they were connected to my phone.
¡°Can you hold onto this for me?¡± I took the camera¡¯s strap off my shoulder and handed the device to Jaz.
¡°Sure, sure. I wanted to go through the pictures anyway.¡±
With that out of the way, I walked towards Warren with a cleared head. Whatever it was that he was going to talk to me about, it would probably shut the door on this whole chapter of my life once and for all. And then, I could focus on my next few projects with Tristan. After finally arriving next to him, I flashed him a smile and waved politely.
¡°Hey, Warren. I heard you wanted to talk to me.¡±
I took a seat on one of the empty chairs about three feet away from him after my greeting, but he didn¡¯t respond. He simply continued waving his hands as he had been doing before.
¡°Hey-¡±
I stopped myself. His long hair was hanging over the sides of his face so I couldn¡¯t tell, but I realized that he probably had earbuds in. With a heavy sigh, I stood up and waved my hand in front of his face.
¡°Oh.¡±
He stopped his conducting to remove his earbuds.
¡°Zoey, hello.¡±
¡°Hey yourself. I heard you wanted to talk to me.¡±
¡°Ah.¡±
Without addressing my statement, he suddenly reached out and grabbed the glasses right off my face. It was an act so sudden that I was honestly taken aback. Though, that shock only lasted for a moment, and I calmed myself down. This wasn¡¯t the first time this had happened, after all. He was probably just going to inspect my face as Lawrence did when he had taken them years ago. That¡¯s what I¡¯d thought at the time.
However¡
¡°This is a camera, isn¡¯t it?¡±
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
An alarm bell immediately went off in my head when he uttered those words.
How?
How could he tell at just a glance? How could he figure it out?
Did Tristan tell him?
No, he wouldn¡¯t do that. At least, if he were going to tell someone, it would be Lance or Naomi. He had no reason to talk to someone like Warren, who was not only unrelated to him, but was also close friends with Benjamin. So how?
¡°Give that back.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think so. Not until you tell me how to turn it off.¡±
¡°Turn what off? Those are my glasses.¡±
¡°You¡¯re a liar, Zoey. Now tell me how to turn it off.¡±
I bit my lip. He had me. Playing dumb for much longer would just be a waste of energy. I wouldn¡¯t be able to get the glasses back from him by brute force, so it was best to just play along.
¡°There¡¯s a small button on the inner left arm.¡±
He flipped the glasses and searched around, then pressed the button.
¡°Thank you.¡±
He handed them back to me, and I accepted them reluctantly.
¡°So,¡± he said. ¡°Why are you wearing spy glasses at school?¡±
¡°Well, I just love high school so much, you see,¡± I smiled, giving a rehearsed response. ¡°I¡¯m going to miss these fun days after I graduate. All of the friends I¡¯ve made, all the fun I¡¯ve had¡ I just wanted some way to remember it all forever.¡±
¡°You could¡¯ve done that with a regular camera. Your phone has one.¡±
¡°No. If there¡¯s one thing I¡¯ve learned since joining the photography club, it¡¯s that people act differently when they know there¡¯s a camera watching them. I wanted the real them, not some goofy caricature.¡±
If this was the direction that the conversation was heading in, then things would probably be fine. While I couldn¡¯t deny the evidence of the camera, I felt confident in my ability to talk circles around anyone. However, there was only one issue with this turn of events.
¡°So if I told everyone that your glasses were a spy camera, do you think they¡¯d be fine with it?¡±
And it was that he had leverage over me now.
¡°Why would you do something like that?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, for some reason I just don¡¯t think that most people would be fine with being recorded without their knowledge.¡±
¡°If you think I should stop then I¡¯ll stop, but I genuinely didn¡¯t think that it was a big deal.¡±
¡°Ohhh, that so? I guess we¡¯re good, then.¡±
He dropped the conversation just as quickly as he started it. I couldn¡¯t tell what he was thinking. Was he satisfied with my answer, or was he just bored? Either way, while he seemed like someone with a good head on his shoulders, he was surprisingly easy to persuade.
¡°The reason I called you here was because of your bet with Ben.¡±
¡°Oh, about that... I¡¯m sorry if I ruined the game by making that bet. I didn¡¯t think he¡¯d get that nervous.¡±
¡°Nervous? I don¡¯t think he was nervous at all.¡±
¡°Really? You don¡¯t think he under-performed, then?¡±
¡°Yeah, he definitely underperformed,¡± he said, looking up to twirl one of his locks of hair.
¡°Then, what are you saying? If he wasn¡¯t nervous, then what else could it have been?¡±
¡°Should I spell it out for you?¡±
¡°Spell what out?¡±
I was being overwhelmed by the strangest sense of deja vu. His subtle probing against me as I feigned ignorance... wasn¡¯t this style of confrontation similar to how I¡¯d approached Lawrence two years ago, when I had something over him? Is it because he also had something over my head? What did Warren know?
¡°Of course,¡± he said. ¡°I¡¯m talking about what Gwen did today.¡±
¡°Oh, what did she do?¡±
¡°Are you really asking that? Even though you went and spoke to her right after she did it?¡±
I stared at him blankly.
He must have been referring to when Gwen swapped her drink with Benjamin¡¯s. I wasn¡¯t sure what it was that Tristan had her spike the drink with, but it was true that I confronted her right after she made the swap. But then what, was he saying that I put her up to it?
¡°Wait, you¡¯re misunderstanding something.¡±
¡°Oh, am I now?¡±
I paused.
If I clearly explained how I wasn¡¯t involved, then wouldn¡¯t it be possible that he¡¯d end up poking at Gwen for an answer until she let the true culprit¡¯s name slip out of fear? Would denying my affiliation really be a good idea here?
I glared at him.
¡°I think you are. After all, whatever it is that you¡¯re accusing me of is something that Gwen did, right? In that case, wouldn¡¯t she share an equal amount of the blame from Ben and whoever else you plan on telling?¡±
He scratched his head.
¡°Yeah, I suppose so. If I told everyone about that, then things would get pretty bad. Ben would go on a rampage, Gwen would probably get ostracized if not expelled, which would make Penny sad¡ and Lawrence doesn¡¯t hang out with me when the rest of them aren¡¯t around. Oh man, that wouldn¡¯t be good at all¡¡± He sighed.
Despite threatening to release life-threatening information about me, his demeanor was so casual that you¡¯d think he was deciding on what to get for dinner. It was unnerving.
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s why I think it was smart of you to have Gwen do it. If you¡¯d done it yourself, then you¡¯d probably be expelled by now.¡±
I wouldn¡¯t have been expelled since I wasn¡¯t the one who made Gwen swap the drinks, but I didn¡¯t correct him. While I was relatively safe, it still would have been an issue if Tristan¡¯s involvement was discovered.
¡°So what now? Was talking to me just your way of saying that you have your eyes on me?¡±
¡°Partially, but there was something I was curious about. Why did you start dating Ben in the first place if you were just going to break it off anyway?¡±
The number of times I¡¯d heard that question was enough to make my blood boil.
¡°You know what I think the issue is, Warren?¡±
I placed my right hand on the side of my face.
¡°It¡¯s that none of Benjamin¡¯s friends have the courage to reign him in and tell him when he¡¯s being a terrible person. Now correct me if I¡¯m wrong, but I¡¯m sure you were aware of how much he¡¯d been harassing me about the homecoming dance before I started going out with him, right?¡±
He didn¡¯t respond.
¡°So why is it that, when I finally decided to give him a chance after being exhausted by his onslaught, I¡¯m suddenly treated as the villain? Why does Ben get to run around with impunity as if he¡¯s owed the world just for being good at throwing balls around a court, while I¡¯m questioned at every decision I make? Help me make sense of it, Warren. Please.¡±
¡°So you broke up with him to spite him, then?¡±
At his accusation, I offered him a smile.
¡°Sure, I won¡¯t deny it. If his own friends wouldn¡¯t put him in his place, then, as a victim of his terrible personality, why shouldn¡¯t I?¡±
He looked away at my words.
¡°I guess I¡¯ve been a bad friend these past few weeks.¡±
¡°You have. A good friend is open and honest when his friend is doing something wrong.¡±
¡°I suppose you¡¯re right.¡±
He scratched his head one more time.
¡°But either way, I don¡¯t think any of that changes the fact that you¡¯re a terrible person too.¡±
¡°Terrible? Me? How come?¡±
¡°You don¡¯t see other people as people. I don¡¯t know how else to explain it. The things you¡¯ve done this week have been irrefutable proof of that. Manipulating Ben¡¯s emotions, having him blame Gwen and Tristan for the breakup when it was merely one of your whims¡ that isn¡¯t something a respectable human being would do. Then, you made it worse by ruining homecoming. You made one of our precious memories as seniors into this awful mess. You don¡¯t care about people. Everything you¡¯ve done is proof of that, and the world would probably be a better place without you.¡±
I felt a devilish smile creep at the corners of my mouth, but I held it back.
I had to admit, he was the closest to learning the truth about me on their own. But the thing is, I couldn¡¯t care less. After all, there was something else worth protecting far more than my reputation.
He hadn¡¯t figured out my relationship with Tristan, and he had no idea about the existence of Dream Paralysis. If throwing him a bone and letting him know that he was onto something made him feel good about himself, then he was free to go ahead. But as long as I had my invisible gun, then his conjecture was worthless.
¡°So, was Ben not responsible for ruining the homecoming dance by striking the ref? Once again, you don¡¯t seem to be capable of holding your friend accountable for his own actions.¡±
¡°Maybe not, and that is something I¡¯ll have to work on. But again, it doesn¡¯t change what you did, and what you¡¯ll probably start doing in the future.¡±
¡°And what are you going to do about it? All you¡¯re holding onto right now is a bomb that would destroy your entire friend circle. You¡¯re not going to use it to expose me.¡±
¡°Maybe, but you¡¯ll slip up again eventually. We have a full year until graduation, you know.¡±
¡°Well, I certainly do wish you all the best in your endeavors. I¡¯ll be sure to enjoy my life at school until you decide that I¡¯ve slipped up.¡±
I stood up and began walking away.
¡°Oh, uh, it was nice talking to you.¡±
I ignored his farewell and continued heading back to where Jazmine was standing, still going through the pictures we had taken.
Warren Jackson. I had to admit, he was completely off my radar. I just assumed that he was some autistic friend of Benjamin¡¯s who was kind of good at basketball. But apparently, he had been carefully watching me without my knowing. He was extremely intelligent, and quite adept at reading other people. I decided that I would have to reassess my initial understanding of him.
¡°Yo, Zoey! How¡¯d it go? What did he want? Was it about the pictures?¡±
She held the camera out to me, and I accepted it without stopping.
¡°Bathroom.¡±
¡°Huh? Uh, oh. Okay.¡±
I continued walking until I entered the women¡¯s bathroom in the auditorium. There, I turned on the faucet closest to the door and leaned my hands onto the sink. It was fine. As long as I had Dream Paralysis, then the perfect network that I had carefully crafted after three years of school could go to hell for all I cared. No one¡¯s going to care about high school once we all graduate anyway. Besides, I had had my fun with that project. Perhaps it was just a sign that it was time to move onto bigger things. I ran the most successful photography club in probably the entire school¡¯s history, I thought, and I could be proud of that.
The face that stared back at me from the mirror was that of an unlovable girl who could only form relationships through her own necessity. Necessity that was going to be stripped away at any moment by Warren¡¯s investigation. In that moment, I thought that it was an ugly face, and I hated it with every ounce of my being.
¡°Screw you¡¡± I muttered to myself.
It was fine, wasn¡¯t it?
¡°Screw you¡¡±
Something was bubbling beneath the surface of my heart.
Something I hadn¡¯t ever experienced before.
¡°Screw you, you fucking asshole¡¡±
But it was fine, right? Logically, it shouldn¡¯t matter that he poked a hole in my perfect persona if I acquired Dream Paralysis in return.
¡°You asshole¡¡±
If only I hadn¡¯t saved you at that time. Maybe you wouldn¡¯t have fallen in love with me back then. If only I hadn¡¯t sat there with you while the counselors tried to save you.
I¡¯m not capable of loving you?
Oh, it¡¯s far worse than that.
¡°I hate you¡¡± I muttered.
Yes, I hated him.
I hated Tristan Collins with every fiber of my being.
Why did a creepy little freak like him have to awaken something that terrifying?
¡°I wish you¡¯d just drop dead¡¡±
A visceral anger was taking over me.
If Tristan showed himself in front of me right at that moment, I probably would have struck him down with all the force of a raging bull.
I wanted to kill him.
I wanted to kill him for ruining everything.
If it weren¡¯t for him..
If it weren¡¯t for that person¡
¡°You fucking asshole!!!¡±
With the emotions inside of my body raging uncontrollably, I spiked my camera at the floor with everything I had. The thundering crash of my equipment shattering against the tiled floor boomed throughout the restroom. The catharsis of releasing that boiling anger was refreshing. I was filled with an intoxicating high that had somehow relieved me of those bubbling emotions. They had died down just as quickly as they arrived.
And then, I quickly grasped the reality of what I had done.
¡°Oh.¡±
It was an action so unlike me, but so much like my own mother. Was it possible? Had my mother¡¯s personality transferred to me through the hacking?
No.
It was nothing that convoluted. This emotion had been welling up inside of me well before Tristan had hacked her. This was just a result of me reaching my breaking point. I leaned against the sink and heaved a heavy sigh. It was probably the only time in my life that I¡¯d ever let my anger get to that point. But I had to admit, it felt good to let it out for once.
The sound of footsteps hastily approaching me came from outside. Eventually, the door flew open, and Jazmine came bursting into the bathroom.
¡°Zoey! Are you okay? I heard a noise.¡±
She froze in place thanks to the sight before her.
There I was, leaning casually against the sink while staring at the ceiling, completely indifferent to the expensive mirrorless camera lying at my feet. I turned towards her and flashed her my usual smile.
¡°Oh, hey Jaz. Guess what? The camera¡¯s broken.¡±
Volume 2 - Prologue I Tristan
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Volume 2 - Prologue II Zoey
¡°Zoey! Zoey wait up!¡±
Homecoming night simply refused to end peacefully. A voice called out to me just as I was about to start the car and finally leave that hellhole of a school. It seemed like it was someone else¡¯s turn to make me want to commit property damage. It truly was the worst possible timing. I was just considering offering Tristan a lift back to his place when the tall figure of the Law showed up in my window with a dark expression on his face. It was the kind of expression that felt like we would be greeted by the end of the world if he didn¡¯t speak to me right that second. Fortunately, he couldn¡¯t see through my car¡¯s tinted windows, or else he would have caught a glimpse of the annoyed expression I¡¯d been making. I decided to text Gwen and have her handle getting our mutual acquaintance home, then turned back to the window and brought it down half-way.
¡°What do you want? We shouldn¡¯t be talking out in the open like this,¡± I said.
¡°Let me in then.¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Let me in, we need to talk.¡±
The homecoming game might have gone exactly as I wanted it to, but there were far too many curveballs being thrown my way. I had half a mind to simply drive off and handle the fallout for whatever he was feeling later, but I could tell by that pained, worried look on his face that it would have been a bad idea. It was like his puppy had just been run over by a speeding Charger. What if Mao was run over? Would I want to be ignored as I pleaded and asked for help? Reluctant as I was, I decided to open the passenger side door and let him in. I would simply have to believe that it wasn¡¯t anything too difficult to deal with.
¡°Thanks,¡± he said as he took a seat.
¡°Right. Can you make it quick? I¡¯m a little tired.¡±
¡°Oh, well¡ I know I don¡¯t usually ask any extra favors from you, but I¡ I really think I might need your help.¡±
¡°And this couldn¡¯t have been handled over the phone?¡± I usually made it a point to remain calm, but my question ended up carrying more bite to it than necessary. With everything that had happened today, I was on the cusp of letting my mask slip.
¡°Look, it¡¯s an emergency! Everything¡¯s just ruined now. I really don¡¯t know what to do.¡±
Lawrence¡¯s genuine distress was becoming more and more apparent. It was not a situation that I could handle if I was also in an emotionally turbulent state. Thinking that, I filled my lungs with air for one second, then exhaled with clear, concentrated force. With that singular action, my mind was calmed once more. I was the usual Zoey again.
¡°Well, you can start by telling me why you¡¯ve lost your mind today,¡± I said. ¡°Is this about the homecoming game? Everyone will forget about it in a month, you know.¡±
It was a bold-faced lie, and we both knew it. No one would forget about how spectacularly awful their performance was. I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if the other seniors disavowed the school entirely after graduating out of sheer embarrassment.
¡°No, it¡¯s not that,¡± he held his head in frustration. ¡°It¡¯s¡ well, it¡¯s Enzo. Krista¡¯s new boyfriend.¡±
¡°Krista? Oh Lawrence, why are you still talking to your ex? Are you basketball players just addicted to drama?¡± I spoke playfully in an attempt to lighten the mood.
¡°Okay, look. I¡¯m not talking to her, okay? We just¡ kinda happened to become homecoming king and queen this time. I don¡¯t know why you didn¡¯t throw your name in the ballot, by the way. This all could¡¯ve been avoided if you got voted queen instead of her.¡±
¡°Well, unfortunately for you, my job is far more important to me than playing husband and wife with the Law.¡±
¡°Right yeah, priorities,¡± he sighed.
He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment after uttering that comment. Whatever had him riled up seemed to be serious.
¡°So, what happened with Enzo?¡±
¡°Well before that, you know Enzo, right? Of course you do. You know everyone.¡±
¡°Everyone who was in a club, yes. Enzo was a starter on the football team before he graduated.¡±
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s right. And what were your impressions of him?¡±
¡°My impressions?¡± I paused for a moment to think. ¡°Well, if I¡¯m allowed to be honest, he seemed borderline psychopathic at times. He was rude, and made quite a few remarks about other students that would raise eyebrows if anyone else were around to hear them. But he was clearly aware of what he was doing. In that sense, I believe that he was both socially intelligent and entertaining to talk to, so I didn¡¯t hate talking to him.¡±
¡°You think that kind of stuff is fine as long as you¡¯re self-aware?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s fine. It¡¯s not like I said I liked him, you know. But, I do think that he was an amusing person. Having people like him around every once in a while keeps you on your toes. Surrounding yourself with people who share your world view on every little thing is just a little boring. He did wear on my patience though, so I could only handle him in short bursts.¡±
¡°You sure do love playing with fire¡¡± Lawrence seemed disappointed with my answer. It¡¯s almost as if he wished that I would condemn him outright. However, he quickly decided to drop it and continue his explanation. ¡°So, after you took a few pictures of me and Krista, he called me outside to talk. Apparently, he was¡ not too happy about how today had gone. I mean, Krista had already primed him to hate me because of how¡ our relationship ended.¡± I decided not to pick the wound of how his adulterous reputation was a bed he had sown on his own and let him go on. ¡°But between the botched basketball game and watching me stand next to her for all of those pictures¡¡±
¡°Did the two of you get into a fight?¡±¡¯
¡°It would¡¯ve been much easier if it were just a fight.¡± He laughed to himself. ¡°No, not at first. He started asking me questions.¡± Lawrence paused. It was a hesitation that was completely out of character for him.
¡°What?¡± My curiosity was piqued. ¡°What kind of questions?¡±
¡°He was asking about my sister.¡±
¡°Your¡ sister? You mean Laura?¡±
I had not thought about Laura Young for months until that moment. She had graduated from Deer Valley high one year ago, just before we became Juniors. Of course I remembered her. There are very few people who stand out the way she does. It wasn¡¯t just her beauty that had captivated so many people¡¯s hearts. It was something far more subtle than that.
When most people engage in an act of kindness, they generally try to make a spectacle out of it for social credit. My photography club is the textbook definition of such a thing. At first glance, it appears to be the fun project of a photography-loving girl, just sharing her passion with the rest of the school. But the truth is, it¡¯s a methodical apparatus created for the sake of gathering clout for my own benefit. I have no reservations about it. I enjoy meeting and talking to different people, and they enjoy having their pictures taken. It¡¯s a mutually beneficial relationship between myself and the student body. However, Laura¡¯s kindness is in complete contrast to her cold outer shell. She¡¯s intimidating to approach. It¡¯s probably the look she wears on her face. The one as if she¡¯s about to verbally rip you to shreds if you so much at looked at her wrong. But when it comes down to it, there¡¯s no one I¡¯ve met that¡¯s more caring than Laura Young.
¡°Why was he asking about your sister?¡± I asked.
¡°I don¡¯t know exactly. He just kept asking stuff about her. They both go to Deer Valley State, right? And the kinds of questions he was asking¡ I... I think he¡¯s going to mess with her.¡±
¡°Hmmm¡ Is that really true?¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°Well, it just sounds like you¡¯re the one he was getting a kick out of messing with. If he were going to do something to her then he wouldn¡¯t go out of his way to warn you by asking about her.¡±
¡°Well, maybe, but¡¡±
¡°Or what, did he make any demands of you? Something like, ¡®don¡¯t talk to Krista or I¡¯ll harass your sister¡¯ or something?¡±
¡°No, it wasn¡¯t anything like that¡ he was just being weird.¡±
¡°You¡¯re not being very helpful right now.¡±
¡°Right, sorry.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t say sorry. Just tell me what kinds of questions he was asking.¡±
Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.
He paused.
¡°Like, if she was single, or if she was seeing anyone right now. Or what kind of guys she¡¯s into. Or¡ if she¡¯s a virgin.¡±
I sighed. That kind of childish ribbing sounded exactly like Enzo. Even after graduating he apparently still hadn¡¯t changed.
¡°Yeah, he was definitely messing with you.¡±
¡°What? It sounds like he wants to make a move on her.¡±
I could only rub my temples in frustration. He was so on edge and defensive about his sister that he wasn¡¯t thinking straight.
¡°Lawrence, come on. Why would he do that? If he¡¯s upset with you because you hurt his girlfriend, then why would he get back at you by cheating on her just like you did? In fact, if you really think that, then why don¡¯t you tell her what you just told me?¡±
¡°She won¡¯t listen to me. She really hates me, you know.¡±
¡°Right¡¡± I sighed, deciding not to push the issue.
¡°Anyway, I got into a fight with Enzo after that.¡±
¡°You did, huh?¡± There wasn¡¯t so much as a scratch on him. Sure, his jacket and vest appeared slightly disheveled, but that was about it.
¡°Okay, it wasn¡¯t much of a fight. We got pulled apart before it got too bad, but... I kinda lost it over those things he was saying. But like, you do get why I was so upset, right? I mean, Laura isn¡¯t like that. She¡¯s really religious, you know. She still goes to church every Sunday even after moving into her own dorm. She¡¯s a very reserved and spiritual person. To have someone who doesn¡¯t know anything about her ask questions like that, questions that almost, drag her down to their disgusting level, felt so unfair. I just don¡¯t get it. Why couldn¡¯t he just leave her out of it? What? Zoey, you¡¯re making a face right now. Why are you making that face?¡±
What kind of face was I making, I wonder? What strange expression did his obscene description of his sister¡¯s perceived purity drag out of me? I was usually so skilled at managing the faces I made in front of other people, and somehow, I had no idea what I looked like at that point in time.
¡°No, don¡¯t worry about it,¡± I said. ¡°Anyway, if all you needed is someone to lend you an ear then it¡¯s fine, but I don¡¯t know how I¡¯m supposed to help you here¡¡±
¡°I need you to make sure that nothing bad happens to Laura.¡±
¡°Excuse me?¡±
I was completely caught off guard. He wanted me to¡ protect her?
¡°Well, it can¡¯t be me,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°If I asked her she¡¯d just think I was being nosy and ignore me completely. It has to be another girl. Preferably someone
she already has a history with.¡±
¡°Lawrence¡¡±
¡°Please! I need you to do this!¡±
¡°I really, really don¡¯t think it¡¯s that serious. I think you should just drop this.¡±
¡°Come on, just help me.¡±
This was going nowhere fast. I already had Warren to deal with. The last thing I needed was this too. I needed to get him off this ridiculous idea as soon as possible.
¡°Lawrence, I need you to listen to me. It¡¯s unfortunate that he got under your skin, but you¡¯re probably overthinking it. I really don¡¯t have the time to spare to go over some empty threats he made to get back at you. I¡¯m sorry, but it¡¯s just not going to happen.¡±
My words seemed to shut him up. He looked down at his hands. I thought that that would be the end of it. I¡¯d said no, he would reluctantly turn away, and our lives would continue on diverging paths until our next meeting. Oh, if only I hadn¡¯t underestimated his affection for his sister.
¡°Zoey¡¡± he said my name with something sinister lurking in his voice. ¡°Are you sure you shouldn¡¯t be listening to me right now?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t follow. Why should I be?¡±
¡°Well, if you don¡¯t go along with what I say, and something happens to Laura as a result of that, then do you really think you¡¯ll come out of this unscathed?¡±
¡°Please elaborate.¡±
¡°From the fact that you¡¯ve been using me to spy on other students, to also helping me hook up with other girls at school. Wouldn¡¯t it suck for you if everyone learned about how much of a pervert you are?¡±
¡°What? Don¡¯t be obtuse. Having that come out would hurt you too.¡±
¡°Do you think I care about that when she¡¯s in danger?¡±
¡°She¡¯s not in danger.¡±
¡°SHE¡¯S IN DANGER, ZOEY!¡±
His voice boomed throughout the interior of the car, dominating the space of the conversation. He was forcing me to be aware of the differences in our sex. Reminding me that, as a man, he held the power in a conversation gone south.
¡°Sorry. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s coming over me. I really don¡¯t want to have to threaten you. I just... I don¡¯t know what else to do. I need you with me on this.¡±
I had thought, up until that point, that homecoming could not have gotten worse for me. Naively, I believed that Warren learning so much about me would be the end of it. But here we had Lawrence, who had clearly lost his marbles over a ridiculous dick-measuring contest related to his ex.
I could have asserted myself there, but his emotional instability made it a gamble. So what if I let all of his secrets out? It¡¯s just one year of high school, it¡¯s not like it¡¯ll affect the rest of his life. There¡¯s no reason he shouldn¡¯t call my bluff. But what else could I do? My options were narrowing, and I needed to turn this around quickly.
¡°Lawrence,¡± I said softly, reaching out and placing my hand onto his.
¡°Don¡¯t touch me,¡± Lawrence said. But I didn¡¯t respond. He could have easily pulled his hand away. Yes, doing so would have been child¡¯s play for him. Yet despite voicing resistance, he hesitated. His hand stayed placed firmly on his leg. ¡°Didn¡¯t you hear me? I said...¡±
Having thought about it for a moment, he finally tried moving his hand away. But I had no plans to let up. My fingers curled between his burly knuckles, allowing our palms to share a deep kiss. The sudden action caused him to freeze up.
¡°H-hey, what are you-¡±
¡°Lawrence, do you see me as a woman?¡±
A complete non-sequitur. That was probably what he thought. His eyes were locked on my smiling expression, and his face was quickly turning red. Things were moving faster than he could process. He couldn¡¯t control the situation. And I had no plans on letting his mind catch up to reality.
¡°What? As a woman¡?¡±
¡°Am I a woman to you? Am I attractive? Do you like this? Did you want to hold me the first time we spoke back then?¡±
¡°Huh? Zoey, I don¡¯t¡¡±
¡°I guess what I¡¯m trying to ask is¡ did you want to sleep with me?¡± I leaned in closer.
¡°Ah, I mean, yeah¡ I did. I just¡ I didn¡¯t think you wanted to¡¡±
¡°Let¡¯s forget about whether I wanted to or not. You did, right?¡±
¡°What? Well, yeah. But why-¡± Before he could respond, I pulled my hand away from his and my smile disappeared. Why is it so easy to get people to loosen up with just a smile? Without fail, with just a simple tug of the lips, all the anxiety on their face is flushed away.
¡°Yes, why?¡± I asked. ¡°Why did you feel so at ease making a move like that with me, someone you¡¯d barely exchanged words with, but the second someone asks about your sister, your first thought is that she¡¯s in ¡®danger¡¯? It¡¯s the same situation, isn¡¯t it? A guy expresses his sexual interest in a girl his age, and attempts to make an advance on her¡¡± my voice trailed off, allowing him to fill in the blanks for himself.
¡°No, I mean yeah, you¡¯re right. But... she¡¯s different. She¡¯s my sister.¡±
¡°Right, your sister. But what if I weren¡¯t an only child? What if I was someone else¡¯s sister? Would that brother of mine consider me to have been in danger when you lured me into that room with you?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not proud of that, you know.¡±
¡°Okay, what about Suzie then? Is she in danger?¡±
¡°Stop talking about other girls. Laura isn¡¯t like any of them. She¡¯s saving herself for marriage.¡±
¡°So when she¡¯s married you¡¯ll be fine with her husband filling her insides up like a car at the pump?¡±
¡°What the fuck is wrong with you?!¡±
¡°I¡¯ll tell you what¡¯s wrong with me, Lawrence.¡± Rather than flinching at his yell, I leaned forward assertively. I was ready for it this time, and that fact seemed to startle him. ¡°You¡¯ve done nothing but bait women with the promise of romantic relationships in order to sleep with them for almost as long as I¡¯ve known you. You¡¯ve done it with no consideration for their feelings or how you might hurt them in the long run. Just dancing to the tune of that ugly snake between your legs without cause or concern for the mental anguish you might be causing them.¡±
¡°No, that¡¯s¡¡±
¡°Different? Are you going to say it¡¯s different? To the person those girls all run to crying after you¡¯ve broken their hearts? The one who¡¯s tasked with mending your reputation every single time?¡±
Lawrence held his tongue.
¡°The only thing different in those situations has been arbitrarily decided by you and you alone. If you can¡¯t see how hypocritical you¡¯re being right now despite how obvious I¡¯m making it for you, then we¡¯re done. Forget about me helping your sister, and forget about me easing the general student body¡¯s minds about your sexual escapades. And definitely forget about me being a shoulder for these girls after you break their hearts into a million pieces.¡±
¡°Am I that wrong for wanting to protect my sister from that freak?! You¡¯re forgetting that he only brought her up to mess with me.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t care about that. I just think you¡¯re wrong for being selective about it. Is everyone aside from your sister free game? Why does she deserve respect while everyone else has to be a piece of meat for your own sexual gratification?¡±
At my words, he paused and stared out through the windshield. It was not a contemplative stare. He wasn¡¯t seriously considering my words at all.
¡°I¡¯m a man. Of course I¡¯m going to want to bang as many chicks as I can. I¡¯m not going to apologize for that. I never will.¡± Once he said those words, he turned back to face me with pleading eyes. ¡°But Laura¡ we grew up together. We were like best friends. We¡¯re not on the greatest of terms right now, but I¡ really don¡¯t want her to get wrapped up in something bad because of me.¡±
This was the first time I¡¯d ever seen Lawrence as vulnerable as he was in that moment. The sound of a man brought to his knees out of his love for someone other than himself. His threats against me did nothing but highlight his desperation. He must have really thought that Enzo was going to do something.
¡°Don¡¯t project your feelings onto your sister. If she wants to have sex with men who show an interest in her then that¡¯s her decision. Not yours.¡±
¡°No, this is¡¡±
He looked away, so I placed my hand on his chin and forced him to turn to me. His eyes showed a weakness I had never seen in him before. His usual cool confident gaze had melted away. He was far from being the Law, that fair and understanding figure that everyone at school knew and loved. He was a fragile, worried brother who was doing his best to protect a member of his family.
¡°Do you really want me to do this?¡± I asked with a renewed, calm tone of voice. It was an amusing sight to behold. With just those words, color returned to his pupils, as if he had been granted the one thing that would help him out of the abyss he was walking towards.
¡°Yes, please. I need this.¡± At his words, I dropped my hand from his face and pulled my phone out. Laura should have still been in my contact list. I didn¡¯t imagine that she changed her number for any reason. ¡°Thanks, Zoey.¡±
I silenced him by raising my hand, and put my phone on speaker once I called. It took a few rings for her to pick up, but eventually, the ringing was replaced with the sound of the air conditioning in her dorm.
¡°Oh, Zoey? Well, that¡¯s a rare surprise. What¡¯s up? How¡¯s homecoming?¡±
¡°It was quite the sight to behold. I¡¯m sure you know about it though. There¡¯s no way it hasn¡¯t gone viral.¡±
¡°Oh, yeah. Benjamin and the game. I wonder how he feels right now.¡±
She could have easily admonished him for attacking the referee and losing us the game. That¡¯s what the general reaction has been for the entirety of homecoming. But somehow, the only thing she¡¯d been concerned about were his feelings.
¡°Yeah, I think he has some stuff to figure out. Anyway, that¡¯s not why I called you tonight. I was thinking about my options for colleges and was wondering if you could help me out by giving me a tour of the campus. Like, say¡ tomorrow?¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s smart. Looking into that early might put you ahead of everyone else. Hmm, tomorrow though¡ I¡¯m not sure. I kind of already have plans. I can do the next Saturday though.¡±
¡°Next Saturday then? Sure, that sounds good. Just let me know when you¡¯ll have the time.¡±
¡°Cool, let¡¯s do it.¡±
¡°I¡¯ll see you then, thanks.¡±
¡°Sure. See you next weekend, Oh, and say hi to Larry for me.¡±
¡°I will.¡±
I hung up the phone, then turned to face Lawrence. ¡°Happy, Larry?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t call me that.¡± He was blushing. Anyone who knows Lawrence knew that he hated being called Larry. He only accepted being called Law or Lawrence. Yet apparently, his sister seemed to hold special privileges as far as that was concerned. ¡°Anyway, thanks.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t thank me. If I¡¯m doing this, then the two of us are over.¡±
¡°What? What are you talking about?¡±
¡°You just threatened me. What, did you think I was going to just continue to clean up your messes after that? I¡¯m doing this to buy my freedom from you. And after this, I¡¯m done with you. Outside of the one favor you owe me, we¡¯re probably not going to be helping each other after this. If you¡¯re not okay with that, then I can call Laura right now and tell her I changed my mind.¡±
¡°I¡¡±
¡°But you won¡¯t, will you? Because you¡¯re absolutely terrified that Enzo¡¯s looking at your sister the same way you look at me. It¡¯s a gut-wrenching terror. Like a mirror is being held directly in front of your face, yet you just can¡¯t seem to accept it.¡±
¡°Zoey¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s okay Lawrence. I¡¯ll help you.¡± His head jolted up to look at me. ¡°I¡¯ll make sure no one lays a hand on Laura. Not Enzo, not anyone.¡±
¡°Thank¡ thank you.¡±
His feeble smile betrayed the confident, cool Lawrence that everyone knew. The love he had for a member of his family had reduced him to this. Tristan said earlier today that I wasn¡¯t capable of love. That he had felt an emptiness in me when he hacked me that told him as much. So what is it that I felt when I saw Lawrence, who was brought to his knees by love? Envy? Disgust? I couldn¡¯t say exactly.
But I certainly felt something. And to explore that something would only be possible when I finally meet with Laura Young, the source of his troubled emotions.
Volume 2 Chapter 1 - I
Lance Harley¡¯s connections within the student body are almost comically arbitrary. His ex-girlfriend is the captain of the Volleyball team, his friend James is in the school band, and then there was Taylor from the drama club, who invited us to sit in on their rehearsal on my first day back since my suspension. Compared to myself, who had barely formed any connections throughout the entirety of my high school journey, he may as well have been the king of England. His social life and mine are as comparable as an Adam Sandler movie is to Bladerunner.
Speaking of movies, the drama club was spending their Friday morning rehearsing a rendition of the play ¡°Twelve Angry Jurors¡±, where a group of adults are tasked with deciding the fate of a juvenile in a homicide case. The twelve actors sat on stage in a semi-circle at a table facing the audience, while the drama teacher sat next to the stage to help guide them through the script. Lance and I, though completely out of place, acted as a sort of makeshift crowd for the entire thing along with the rest of the drama club, who had been charged with handling the more tertiary aspects of the production. But all of that aside, there was something that had been bugging me about the whole ordeal.
¡°Wasn¡¯t this movie called Twelve Angry Men?¡± I asked.
¡°What are you talking about? There¡¯s no way they made a movie out of this trash.¡±
¡°No, there is a movie. More than one, even.¡±
¡°Seriously? Why would anyone watch someone do a play then?¡±
I shrugged. ¡°The version of it that I saw is really old. though. Like, a hundred years old or something.¡±
¡°Wow, didn¡¯t know they even had video cameras a hundred years ago.¡± He must have been joking, I thought. We were in the same history class. He should at least be familiar with what the world was like during the great depression. ¡°So was there sound? In this movie? Or was it like one of those Chaplin things with the words on the screen?¡±
¡°Oh yeah, there was sound. They talked in that funny transatlantic accent, so I remember it well. Like the ones you hear in those old videos they make us watch in US history.¡±
¡°Was there color?¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s in black and white.¡±
He spat on the floor in disgust.
¡°Lance, what the fuck.¡±
¡°If it came out before color did then it probably belongs in the trash. Actually, if I¡¯m gonna be honest, nothing made before Back to the Future could possibly be considered a good movie.¡± He leaned back confidently and returned his attention to the stage as if his comment were insightful and witty enough to deserve a mic drop.
His lack of appreciation for the classics troubled me when I thought back to the sheer number of stellar black and white films my father had introduced me to, but I decided not to say anything. If there¡¯s one thing I know about Lance, it¡¯s that you didn¡¯t want to get stuck in the weeds of an argument with him.
¡°So why is it called Twelve Angry Jurors, exactly?¡± I asked.
¡°I dunno, man. Probably because there¡¯s girls in the drama club too. There¡¯s no reason the cast has to be twelve guys.¡±
¡°Oh, I guess so.¡±
The two of us went back to observing the rehearsal in silence. We had been there for about ten minutes at that point, and I was confident enough now to say that whoever was overseeing the script took more than just a few creative liberties. Not that it took that much pondering to come to that conclusion, anyway. After all, the jurors were all wearing clown suits for some reason.
It seemed like each juror had his or her own unique quirks, almost like they were all mascot characters in their own right. For example, Juror #4 was the angry clown who refused to laugh at the other clowns¡¯ jokes, and Juror #7 was more concerned with squirting water at people with the prop flower on his collar than resolving the actual case. Don¡¯t get me wrong, it wasn¡¯t that I didn¡¯t find it amusing or anything, but it was so different from the original screenplay that the whole thing may as well have been parody. Twelve Angry Clowns, maybe?
¡°So, how¡¯re they doing? Think they stack up compared to the movie? What about Taylor?¡±
Taylor was playing Juror #8, the main focal point of the story who makes it his purpose to flip the opinions of every juror in the room away from a guilty verdict. However, the issue is his character was essentially reduced to a comedian who took shots at anyone who spoke up by using played out one-liners that made me want to gag.
¡°Oh, uh yeah. This is really good,¡± I said.
¡°You could at least try to lie better.¡±
¡°What? I mean, it¡¯s good right?¡±
¡°Is it?¡±
¡°Haha¡¡±
To be honest, the movie had had a profound impact on me during my first viewing, so it may have been painful to watch it bastardized like that for a school play. I didn¡¯t want to be a diva about it, though. The important thing for club activities like this is that everyone was having fun, so I decided not to voice my displeasure.
¡°Hey teach, Trist thinks your play sucks.¡±
¡°What? No I don¡¯t! Dude, shut up!¡±
At his sudden outburst, the drama teacher suddenly turned to face us with a scowl on his face.
¡°Hmm? And whoooo, exactly, are you two? You¡¯re not club members, are you?¡±
I gulped. Had this not been arranged properly? Lance gave me the impression that we had permission to be here.
¡°Oh, nah man. We¡¯re friends of the cast,¡± Lance said.
¡°Okay. And what, pray tell, are friendssss of the cast doing here during rehearsals?¡±
Jesus Christ, even the teacher sounds like a theater kid.
¡°Can¡¯t we just watch for a little? Please? We¡¯re totally super invested in it right now! We like what you guys did with uh, Juror #4. Right Tristan? It¡¯s a great take on the character, right?¡±
¡°No, not really.¡±
¡°Right¡ huh?¡±
His mouth hung agape as if he¡¯d just been betrayed, and the teacher clicked his tongue.
¡°Okay, I believe I¡¯ve seen enough. I¡¯m going to need you two to leeeeave.¡±
¡°Huh? Wait, but-¡°
¡°Hey. No buts, young man. You heard me quite clearly. Off you go.¡±
Lance looked like he wanted to interject, but it was probably for the best that we were sent away. If I had to suffer through such a blasphemous play for much longer then I¡¯d probably get on stage and start arguing with people on my own. No, I probably wouldn¡¯t. But I¡¯d get the urge to, and that¡¯s enough to make the whole thing completely unwatchable for me.
¡°It¡¯s fine, Lance. Let¡¯s just leave.¡± I stood up from my seat.
¡°Hey wait, Tristan.¡± He tried to stop me, but when he noticed that I was already halfway to the door, he conceded with an exasperated sigh and followed me out.
The two of us found ourselves in the open hallway with about fifteen minutes left before classes would start for the day. We could only walk aimlessly and in silence after that confrontation in the drama club room. At least, that¡¯s all I could do. The awkwardness of the situation was too heavy for me to break through on my own.
¡°Whatever, I¡¯m sure we can find someone else to hang out with,¡± Lance reassured me.
He¡¯s always kind like that, ignoring my shortcomings and keeping the temperature down. But I did feel bad about holding him back from his usual morning spot. The music room with James. Because of my outburst last week, it would have been too awkward for me to step in there and just pretend that everything was okay. Zoey and her mom¡¯s influence on me made me react to his friendly advice with more vitriol than I had intended. Playing around with Dream Paralysis, with something I had no idea about, created so many fires last week that it¡¯s a miracle the whole school hadn¡¯t burned down yet. And imagining myself attempting to put any of them out was making me sick to my stomach. So much so that I decided to suggest a different locale rather than addressing the issue.
¡°Uh, what about the Volleyball team?¡± I asked.
¡°Good idea, I love watching volleyball girls.¡± He smiled, then rolled his eyes as if suddenly remembering something. ¡°Ugh, nevermind. Basketball team usually has dibs on the gym in the morning.¡±
¡°Oh right.¡±
¡°Those guys think they run the school, don¡¯t they? Let the people watch the volley babes for fuck¡¯s sake! Thank God they lost last week. Maybe now the school will stop favoring that team of retards over everyone else. Can¡¯t believe they messed up like that.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°Embarrassing, I swear. They dragged the school¡¯s name through the mud. Played like shit and decked the ref like a bunch of neanderthals. What a joke, dude. Almost makes me want to move to Alaska and never show my face again. I¡¯d rather just fish and play Dota for the rest of my life.¡±
¡°You? Fish?¡±
¡°Hey I can fish, man. It¡¯s been a while, but I have done it. My parents took me out a few times when I was younger. We¡¯d get this tiny cabin in the forest near Lake Irma. During the night we¡¯d make a campfire and melt smores, and when the sun came around, we¡¯d spend most of our time fishing and hiking over the border to South Carolina.¡±
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.
¡°Oh, really? I¡¯ve only been to Lake Irma like once, but I never got to fish or anything. We just went for a boat ride.¡±
¡°Hmmm. You sound pretty interested. Do you wanna try it out?¡±
¡°Huh? Uh, maybe.¡±
¡°Hey, I¡¯d much prefer gaming over the weekend, but I¡¯ll give it another go if you want to.¡±
¡°Oh, sure. Maybe some other time.¡±
His jovial attitude made me want to walk off a cliff. Why was he being so nice to someone who¡¯d done so much wrong last week?
¡°Hey, Trist. What¡¯s wrong man?¡± he asked. ¡°Those clown losers still bothering you?¡±
¡°No, just¡ sorry. You can go hang out with James if you want.¡±
¡°What? Why? Are you gonna settle your beef with him today?¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t think I can right now. I¡ I just think you¡¯d have more fun over there than with me.¡±
¡°Oh, dude.¡± Lance scratched the back of his head through his beanie. ¡°It¡¯s your first day back from being suspended. Of course I¡¯m gonna hang out with the man himself.¡±
¡°Yeah, right¡¡±
I decided to drop it right then and there. There was no point in using conventional wisdom with Lance. He is the textbook definition of an enigma. He broke up with the girl that he loved for no conceivable reason, after all. What kind of normal person does that? If he was this hellbent on boring himself with me, then I¡¯d just have to play along. Speaking of which, I thought, there was someone we could hang out with before classes started.
¡°Hey. If Naomi¡¯s not practicing Volleyball right now, then why don¡¯t we go looking for her?¡±
¡°Oh, yeah¡ Uh, not right now.¡±
¡°Not right now?¡±
¡°Yeah, we¡¯re not really on an ¡®exchanging verbal communication¡¯ basis right now if you¡¯re feeling me?¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°We¡¯re not talking,¡± he said finally.
¡°That doesn¡¯t make any sense. You guys were fine at homecoming. You went to the dance and even sat together at the game.¡±
¡°Yeah well, things happened.¡±
¡°Things? What kind of things?¡±
He scratched his head. ¡°Nothing.¡±
¡°Nothing? But you just said-¡±
¡°Alright, look man! I don¡¯t wanna talk about it, okay?¡±
¡°Uh, right¡¡±
Naivete. That¡¯s all I could call my belief that he¡¯d actually be open with me. Sure, he promised me that he¡¯d tell me about it, but it was Lance. Only a fool would believe that he¡¯d actually talk about it. Lance would never lay everything out on the table like that. I knew that when I decided to be friends with him, so why was I getting upset about it now? My only recourse was to weather the storm with him and pretend that nothing was going on. Hopefully he¡¯ll fix it sometime soon. But for now, there was nothing I could do.
We silently continued on our way through the daunting halls of this prison we called school, still without an aim or goal in mind. It was frustrating how disappointing my first day back was already. Brushing past small crowds near the lockers as we idly hoped that something interesting would come our way. As if we had been wading through tall grass in search of a rare encounter. Well, we were bound to run into someone we knew eventually. I suppose that was the idea. But the familiar face we happened upon hadn¡¯t been the one that either of us expected.
There she was, chatting it up with a group of female students near the end of the hallway. I stopped in a hypnotized daze at the sight of her braids swaying with each movement of her head as she nodded and laughed along to their conversation. Her authentic bursts of energy as she shared that moment with the other girls were like a sugary dessert that sought to cleanse the bland taste of mashed potatoes and string beans I¡¯d just cleaned up earlier. Social butterflies like her make me envious. If only I could so easily converse with others the way she did, then perhaps my morning wouldn¡¯t be quite as dull as it had been. But unfortunately, I am no social butterfly. I am but a skittish deer, terrified at the sight of even my own shadow.
¡°Oh!¡± As if sensing us through some supernatural connection, Jazmine Lee turned in our direction then immediately ran over. ¡°Tristy! Just the person I was looking for!¡±
¡°Huh? For me?¡±
She grabbed my hand and I felt her soft palms envelop my own. It was so surprising that I found myself shifting my gaze to Lance, who seemed to be looking away as if he wasn¡¯t about to get involved in whatever it was he had just seen.
¡°Well, both of you, really!¡± The friendliness of our conversation seemed to surprise the girls she had just been talking to. They didn¡¯t seem too eager to follow her, so they quickly returned to their group conversation without her.
¡°Huh?¡± Lance gasped as if genuinely surprised. ¡°Dude, don¡¯t lump me in to make me feel better. I know you only want your boyfriend Trist.¡±
¡°Oh, okay.¡± She nodded as if he was one hundred percent on the money and decided to drop the pretenses, pulling her hands away from me to talk. ¡°So anyway Tristy, the truth is, the photography club¡¯s in a little bit of a predicament right now.¡±
¡°Really? What kind?¡±
¡°Okay see, don¡¯t be surprised, but¡ we kiiiind of don¡¯t have enough members to keep the club going, since, you know, school rules say each club needs at least four members. So uhh, I guess I¡¯m kinda just wondering... Do you want to join the photography club? Or actually, please join! Please please please!¡±
She clasped her hands together as if praying for me to go along with her request. But that request had shocked me like a bucket of water to the face. Join the photography club? The club that Zoey was in? And right after all that stuff with Benjamin? Don¡¯t get me wrong, I doubt that Jaz would ask if it weren¡¯t urgent, but would that really end well? Just what was the right choice? Should I help her and Zoey out, or should I take the cautious route and avoid any more pointless conflicts?
¡°Uhm¡ Jaz, I...¡±
¡°Why would we do that?¡± Lance suddenly interrupted. ¡°Do you know how much trouble this guy¡¯s been through just by associating with Zoey once?¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry, who¡¯s ¡®we¡¯ again?¡± Jaz asked, rolling a braid up with her finger.
¡°What?¡±
¡°I only want Tristy, remember? You told me not to lump you in.¡±
¡°Oh, you¡¯re just precious.¡±
¡°P-precious?¡± Jazmine¡¯s baffled expression came in stark contrast to the cool look she¡¯d been wearing earlier, but Lance continued as if he hadn¡¯t noticed it.
¡°Now correct me if I¡¯m wrong, but you just said that you needed four members, right? Now unless Trist¡¯s got like a Jekyll and Hyde situation going on that I don¡¯t know about, I¡¯d say you still need one more person.¡±
¡°Yeah,¡± she said, pouting. ¡°But don¡¯t worry, we can find someone else.¡±
¡°No, you can¡¯t. Cuz Trist and I are a package deal. Right Trist?¡±
¡°¡±What?¡±¡±
¡°We are, aren¡¯t we?¡±
I was suddenly being tugged and torn at two sides in a conflict I never asked to be a part of. Jazmine was offering me the forbidden fruit: an excuse to spend more time with Zoey than I¡¯d be able to otherwise. The offer was enticing, I¡¯d never deny that. Most guys at school would kill for such a chance, and I was no different. But, this is Lance. He¡¯s been my only friend since I enrolled at this school. Could I really abandon him just for something like a chance to hang out with Zoey some more? It was a dilemma.
¡°W-well, before all of that, shouldn¡¯t you ask if Zoey would even be okay with the two of us?¡± I asked.
¡°Wait, so you¡¯ll join if Zoey¡¯s cool with it? Really?!¡± I turned to Lance, who also seemed surprised by the high energy levels she was emitting, then I turned back to nod at her. ¡°Awesome! Hold on.¡±
She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out her phone.
¡°Tristan, are you really thinking about joining that club?¡± Lance whispered.
After navigating to what I could only assume was Zoey¡¯s contact, she hit the call button and switched the call to speaker mode so that we could all hear the conversation.
¡°Well, I don¡¯t know¡ maybe.¡±
¡°Dude, come on¡ Zoey again? That girl¡¯s gonna ruin your life. You just got off from the whole Benjamin thing¡¡±
He was right. There was no telling how that guy would react to me suddenly snuggling up to Zoey after what happened last week. But truth be told, my hesitation had nothing to do with Benjamin. It was Zoey herself. When I first told her about Dream Paralysis, she explicitly spoke about keeping our relationship a secret. I could only assume it was so that, if the knowledge of that power became known, it would be difficult to link the two of us as co-conspirators. Joining the club goes in direct opposition to that idea. We¡¯ll become close acquaintances. That¡¯s why it¡¯s something that could only happen if she approved it. And besides, it¡¯s not like I¡¯m against hanging out with her more. It¡¯s Zoey, after all.
¡°Hello? Jaz?¡±
¡°Hey Zoey! Quick question. Would you be okay with Tristan and Lance joining the club?¡±
¡°Tristan and¡ oh. Those two?¡±
The way she pretended not to know me kind of made me want to hang my head in shame. It¡¯s just an act, I told myself repeatedly. It¡¯s just an act. I am cool. I am important.
¡°Hmm. Well, I don¡¯t see why not.¡±
¡°Woahhh! Awesome, awesome! Thanks Zoey! I¡¯ll see you in a bit!¡±
She ended the call and immediately turned towards us with eyes brimming with genuine joy.
¡°So? What¡¯s it gonna be?¡±
¡°Well, obviously we¡¯re both joining,¡± Lance said with a smug look.
¡°What? No, I only want Tristy.¡±
¡°But she just said that-¡°
¡°Yeah, that she¡¯d be FINE with you joining. The thing is though, and this is important: I still don¡¯t want you.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°Rude,¡± she said.
¡°Me? You¡¯re rude,¡± he replied, but she shrugged.
¡°Doesn¡¯t matter, I¡¯m the one recruiting.¡±
¡°You should quit being such a sore loser and listen to your boss.¡±
¡°This isn¡¯t about being a sore loser, though? Listen. I know you¡¯re Tristy¡¯s best friend, which is why I was going to let you join the club too. But to be honest, you really were kinda rude to me earlier, and now you¡¯re just digging yourself a deeper hole by not apologizing. Seriously. With that attitude, I don¡¯t know if having you join the club would be a good thing.¡±
¡°The hell are you talking about, woman?¡±
¡°Wo-¡°
¡°Trist and I go way back. He¡¯s not gonna let some random chick he met last week get between us. Not when you can¡¯t even give me a real reason. I was rude? Fuck off, you were rude too. So let¡¯s call it even and you can let me join the club.¡±
¡°That is absolutely not how it works.¡±
¡°Yeah? Well guess what? it¡¯s either the both of us or nothing. Right Trist?¡±
He really didn¡¯t care about how badly he was antagonizing her, did he? Could I even get him into the club now that things were this tense?
¡°Tristy, what do you think?¡± Jazmine asked. ¡°I don¡¯t really like him, but I like you. I¡¯ll go along with it if you want.¡±
To be honest, I understood her hesitation. Lance does come off as a tad¡ disagreeable at first. But once you get to know him, he¡¯s actually one of the kindest, most caring people you¡¯ll ever meet. He¡¯s just, you know¡ A little blunt. I could never leave him behind if he truly did want to join the club.
¡°Then, if you¡¯ll have us both¡¡±
¡°WOOO! Let¡¯s go! That¡¯s my fucking guy!¡± He grabbed my shoulder and pointed at me. ¡°You heard him, we¡¯re a package deal. So it¡¯s either the both of us or nothing.¡±
¡°Well, if that¡¯s what you want...¡± Her sigh was accompanied by a slight smile. I guess she had already forfeited the fight once I made my feelings known. I admired her for not pushing the envelope. For all the trouble he causes, he is still my friend. After everything we¡¯d been through, I wasn¡¯t about to abandon him just for a chance at getting closer to Zoey. She reached into her bag and pulled out some paper. ¡°Here¡¯s the membership forms. Bring them to the club room after school.¡±
I reached out and grabbed the papers. They were simple forms that asked for information that was vital for club registration. Information such as your name, date of birth, school ID number, e-mail, phone number, club of interest and reason for joining. Jazmine flashed me another smile and started walking backwards while sending me off with a small wave of her hand.
¡°I¡¯ll see you after school!¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. Later.¡±
She turned around and walked away. Zoey aside, I didn¡¯t hate the idea of spending more time with Jaz either. She has this aura that makes her easy to be around. It¡¯s not something I¡¯m intelligent enough to properly comprehend let alone express, but ever since that day we spent together last week, I definitely found her to be a pleasant person.
¡°Trist¡¡±
But I wasn¡¯t sure if Lance was as happy as I was about my decision.
¡°Come on dude,¡± I said, turning to face him. ¡°Let¡¯s just try it out. We can just be ghost members if it sucks.¡±
¡°You sure sound excited to hang out with Zoey.¡±
¡°Haha, what¡¯re you talking about man? Don¡¯t be ridiculous.¡±
¡°I¡¯m never gonna say that she¡¯s out of your league, okay? Because guess what? Contrary to whatever your opinion of me is, I actually think you¡¯re a pretty cool dude when you¡¯re not ruining my Dota games.¡±
¡°Gee, thanks.¡±
¡°But are you sure you wanna risk Benjamin messing with you right after you finally got him off your ass?¡±
¡°Well, Jaz and Zoey can also help deal with it, so¡¡±
¡°Jaz and Zoey aren¡¯t going to be around you 24/7, you know. And neither am I.¡±
¡°I know, man. Quit lecturing me.¡±
Lance shrugged and threw his hands up behind his head.
¡°I¡¯m just sayin¡¯, you should pick your battles. I get that you¡¯re really into her, but¡¡± He stopped. ¡°Nevermind. Just do what you want.¡±
¡°Huh? What does that mean?¡± I asked.
¡°Nothing. Nevermind.¡±
¡°Not nevermind. You just told me to do what I want, but this affects you too. I mean, we¡¯re in this together, right?¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡ I dunno. I¡¯ll think about it.¡±
With those vague, ominous words, he also left me behind and walked off to his classroom. There was something off about the conversation. It was as if Lance wasn¡¯t talking to me at all. Was he lost in thought about something? Where was his head at? I wasn¡¯t sure. But I decided that it would have to wait until later. After all, I needed to figure out how to navigate the upcoming Zoey Brahm situation.
Volume 2 Chapter 1 - II
¡°We should do something tomorrow for your birthday, Gwen.¡± Penny suggested, both her palms propping her head up at the lunch table as she smiled at her best friend.
¡°My birthday¡¯s on Tuesday.¡±
¡°Yes, but¡ I kinda think that it would be fun to do something to celebrate on the weekend¡ Maybe we could go to the zoo¡?¡±
¡°No offense, but I¡¯m not really feeling the zoo right now,¡± Gwen said.
¡°Oh¡¡± Penny crumbled at the refusal. She looked down at the table in submission, as if she had just been defeated in battle by some proud knight who was far more skilled with a sword than she could ever hope to be. She knew that the refusal wasn¡¯t personal, but it still took her a moment to separate the rejection of the locale with the rejection of her idea entirely. ¡°Um, how about the mall then?¡±
¡°No one goes to the mall anymore.¡± The objection this time came from Benjamin, who had placed his right arm, bulging with thick muscle as it always was, around Gwen¡¯s comparatively petite shoulders. Despite the turmoil that their relationship endured, the two of them were once again dating following the events of the homecoming game. The development came as a welcome shock to the rest of their friend circle. It was like the two of them leapt right out of a photograph from the past and had taken a seat right before them. ¡°What about the batting cages?¡±
¡°I could get us into a night club if you guys are down,¡± Lawrence added.
¡°I don¡¯t know...¡± Penny, who was still reeling from Benjamin¡¯s rejection, shuddered at the thought of engaging in either of these activities. However, having been denied twice, she no longer had the mental fortitude to outright oppose any suggestions. Perhaps her own ideas sounded just as terrible to them as theirs did to her. ¡°What about you, Warren? What do you think?¡±
¡°Oh.¡± He lifted his head up from his phone as if he suddenly remembered that he was sitting with his friends. ¡°I think the mall¡¯s fine. There¡¯s food and a movie theater, so there¡¯s more to do than just window shopping.¡±
¡°Hey, that¡¯s not a bad idea,¡± Lawrence said.
¡°Okay, the mall it is!¡± Penny nodded, pleased at having been rescued from an illegal nightclub visit.
¡°What? What about my say? It¡¯s my birthday, isn¡¯t it?¡±
¡°Oh¡ what would you like to do then?¡± Penny asked Gwen with curious eyes. The other three also turned to look at her with vague anticipation in their faces. The pressure was so intense that it was impossible for her to not buckle underneath it.
¡°No, the mall¡¯s fine. I just wish you would¡¯ve confirmed with me first...¡±
¡°Ohh! I see, sorry about that. I guess I got a little ahead of myself,¡± Penny said.
Gwen immediately dropped the subject. In truth, none of it mattered so long as Ben was there with her. Navigating everything that had happened in the last week was a turbulent undertaking. Battling through the hopelessness that ate at her insides as she was forced to watch the love of her life fawn over Zoey was one thing. But actually having risked her future to sabotage them was an adventure she wouldn¡¯t forget for the rest of her life.
If it weren¡¯t for Tristan¡¯s interference, there¡¯s no telling what things would look like after the game. It could even be said that he was the reason Ben and her were finally together again. He deserved a proper thank you for everything he¡¯d done. She had even, in that moment, considered inviting him to the mall for her birthday outing on Saturday.
But she ended up dismissing the thought just as quickly as she had entertained it. Ben probably wouldn¡¯t like it much if she did that. The two of them were back together, but their relationship could still neatly be divided into two distinct timeframes: ¡®Before Zoey¡¯ and ¡®After Zoey¡¯. He was still carrying that lingering disinterest he had back when he¡¯d first started talking to that girl. He wasn¡¯t on amicable terms with her since the bet fell through, but it unfortunately might have been the case that the whole experience had left a mark on him. And that also meant that Tristan may not have been welcomed at the affair.
As Gwen turned to face her beloved, whose arm was still wrapped around her, she opened her mouth to begin asking about it. However, what she found had sliced through any desire to have a fair and fun conversation. The boy¡¯s eyes were firmly glued to a junior girl who happened to be walking past their table. The realization was a jolt to her nervous system. An electric shock that boiled the blood in her veins to the point where she thought that steam must have been rising out of her body.
¡°And just what the fuck are you doing, Benjamin?¡±
¡°Huh? What¡¯s your deal?¡±
¡°Are you playing dumb? You were staring at that girl¡¯s ass, weren¡¯t you?¡±
¡°What? Are you crazy?¡±
¡°Oh, you¡¯re like, actually going to do it? You¡¯re actually going to play dumb here? Really?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not playing dumb, you¡¯re just completely insane. I¡¯m not staring at anyone¡¯s ass.¡±
She scoffed. ¡°Yeah, whatever.¡±
And just like that, the somewhat cheery mood at the table had descended into a thick, murky fog of tension, just as it had been before the homecoming game. No, it wasn¡¯t just then. Things had been heavy all week, and Lawrence was the first to notice it. Though the two had gotten back together, their relationship was all but completely strained. There was no telling if they¡¯d be able to rebuild it to its former glory. The issue is, if they went at it haphazardly, the consequences of their fallout would be more than just their relationship. That¡¯s why Lawrence decided that he needed to help them figure it out. If he didn¡¯t, everything would crash and burn into a million pieces. So long as Gwen loved Ben, the only solutions either involved a fairy tale happy ending or utter destruction.
¡°I¡¯ll be right back.¡±
The phrase was like a secret password that allowed him to march out of the cafeteria without so much as acknowledging the tension at the table. No one had responded. but his absence cast a cloud over the already dampened mood. Warren and Penny, who looked at one another like lost lambs, were aware of how out of their depths they were in these types of situations, and things only seemed to be getting worse the more time went by.
¡°Great. Nice job,¡± Ben said. ¡°Even Law¡¯s sick of your bullshit now.¡±
¡°Oh, my bullshit? You¡¯re lucky I don¡¯t rip your fucking eyeballs out for lying to my face.¡±
¡°Seriously? You¡¯re such a¡¡± He sighed, taking a moment to compose himself. ¡°Okay, whatever. Fine. Let¡¯s say that I DID check this girl out. So what, is this gonna be a rule now? Am I not allowed to look at other girls anymore? My eyes are just supposed to stay glued to you forever when the two of us are hanging out?¡±
¡°I didn¡¯t say that.¡±
¡°But you got mad at me for not doing exactly that.¡±
¡°No, I got mad at you for checking her ass out. Wouldn¡¯t you get mad if I started fawning over shirtless guys during your practice?¡±
¡°Not really.¡±
¡°You¡¯re fucking lying.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not. If you think I am, then go ahead and try it. Unlike you, I¡¯m not an emotional toddler who can¡¯t handle my partner being in the same room as someone else.¡±
¡°Says the guy who had a meltdown over Zoey talking to Tristan...¡±
¡°What¡¯d you say?¡±
¡°Nothing.¡± She had only muttered the remark under her breath. She didn¡¯t intend for him to hear it, as she no longer had the strength to keep the verbal joust up. She was certainly in a bad mood over the way things were going, but to continue things would only worsen their relationship. ¡°Sorry, forget it.¡±
¡°Christ,¡± Ben said, removing his arm from around her.
Warren spoke up after Penny nudged him, urging him to steer the conversation into something more lighthearted, but Gwen hadn¡¯t been paying attention to a word he was saying. She was lost in her thoughts over the reality of their relationship, and how possible it would be to turn it around. She could have tried seducing him, but he hadn¡¯t seemed to be in that sort of mood for a while. The two of them exchanged brief kisses since their reunion, but that was as far as they had gone. If there happened to be a method of solving this, Gwen didn¡¯t know it. But just as she had been considering giving up for the time being, a text message appeared on the front of her home screen.
I¡¯m at the lockers. We need to talk.
Of course, the message had come from ¡®The Law¡¯, who had excused himself earlier. Perhaps his head was in the same place that hers was. Did he have a solution to the growing tension between her and Benjamin? Or did it have to do with something else? Whatever it was, just the mere fact that it was serious enough for him to want to discuss it as soon as possible had convinced her to take it seriously.
¡°Bathroom.¡±
With just that one word, Gwen stood up and left the cafeteria. No one seemed to pay her sudden absence a mind, least of all Ben. It almost seemed like their timed absence together would go under the radar without any issue. That is, until Warren spoke up without looking up from his phone.
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¡°That¡¯s weird.¡±
¡°Huh? What is?¡± Benjamin asked.
¡°Have you ever known Gwen to use the school¡¯s bathrooms?¡±
It was an observation made from Gwen¡¯s disgust for germs and unclean things. She had openly commented multiple times about how much she despised using the school bathrooms and how she avoided them as much as possible, so it made sense that Warren found the sudden shift in demeanor strange.
¡°Uhm, she actually uses them when she¡¯s on her period,¡± Penny replied.
¡°Her period was last week, though.¡±
When he uttered the words, Penny turned to face him with a look of complete horror and disgust. Even Ben, who had been in a half daze the entire time, found himself lifting an eyebrow at the comment.
¡°Oh, I guess I shouldn¡¯t keep track of things like that. Sorry,¡± he apologized as if he had no idea how strange that was. ¡°Still, I don¡¯t think she¡¯s going to the bathroom right now.¡±
¡°Wait, don¡¯t just pretend you didn¡¯t say that. Are you¡ really keeping track of Gwen¡¯s menstrual cycle?¡±
¡°Not just Gwen¡¯s.¡±
¡°Uh, what?¡± She looked around nervously. ¡°Warren, that¡¯s¡ really creepy.¡±
¡°Sorry.¡±
¡°Do¡ do you know mine too?¡±
¡°Yeah, yours was last week too.¡±
The look of sheer embarrassment on Penny¡¯s face said it all. Her privacy had been intruded on without her even knowing, and it seemed like it had been for quite some time. But since when, exactly? The thought paralyzed her.
¡°Why¡ would you¡??¡±
¡°I was just curious.¡±
¡°Warren, that¡¯s none of your business. Ugh, why are you so¡¡± Penny appeared to be caught in a state between anger, shame and worry. The conflicting emotions tugged at the edges of her mind until she couldn¡¯t take it anymore, and she let out a sigh of resignation. ¡°Never mind.¡±
With a frustrated look on her face, she lifted her tray and stood up.
¡°Where are you going? Warren asked.
¡°To go eat with Krista.¡±
¡°Oh, okay.¡±
With those parting words, Penny quickly went off with her tray to the cheerleaders table nearby. To Benjamin, who had been mindlessly digging into his meal and observing the ordeal, her sudden departure was reminiscent of a scared animal scampering away after it was released by a predator. That hint of desperation to be free of the situation was easy to discern, even by Warren.
¡°You¡¯re creepy, man,¡± Benjamin finally said.
¡°Oh, was it really that creepy?¡±
¡°Their genitals aren¡¯t really your business.¡± Benjamin said it while taking a bite out of his pizza. ¡°Most girls would be weirded out by that. You should pay more attention to what they¡¯re feeling when you say that stuff.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
Warren scratched his temple while looking down at the table, seeming to seriously ponder Benjamin¡¯s words. He hadn¡¯t intended to cause Penny any distress, it¡¯s just that he unfortunately hadn¡¯t seen anything wrong with what he had done. Benjamin was well aware of Warren¡¯s stranger tendencies, however. To him, the boy was like an infant navigating the world of adults without a map. Perhaps that was why he had such a soft spot for him. Would you really admonish an infant for doing something insensitive in the way that you would someone your age? Of course, it had been strange for him to admit to keeping track of Gwen¡¯s cycle. But he also understood, as his friend of over ten years, that no harm was meant by these strange actions of his.
¡°By the way Ben, I think you should probably go after Gwen,¡± Warren said.
¡°Huh? To the Bathroom?¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t think she¡¯s going to the bathroom.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t think¡ hmm. Come to think of it, Lawrence isn¡¯t back yet.¡±
¡°That¡¯s one possibility.¡±
¡°One? What¡¯s the other?¡±
¡°Well, I think you should just go see for yourself.¡±
Benjamin pondered Warren¡¯s suggestion. He might have been off the mark on reading social cues, but he was extremely adept at information games. He could make accurate inferences from limited information. It was a trait that Benjamin had a great admiration for.
¡°Hey Warren, what¡¯s Gwen thinking about right now?¡±
¡°Penny told me she¡¯s sad that you¡¯re not paying enough attention to her.¡±
¡°What? But we¡¯re together all the time.¡±
Warren shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t understand the ¡®why¡¯. I only know what she said to me, and I happen to agree with it.¡±
¡°Yeah?¡± he said, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette before remembering that he was still at school. ¡°And what exactly did she say to you?¡±
¡°That Gwen loves you a lot.¡±
¡°Christ, man.¡±
After dwelling on the words of his best friend for a moment, Benjamin got up from the table and left the cafeteria. The words Warran uttered had unsettled him far more than he¡¯d let on. Gwen loves you a lot. He couldn¡¯t deny it. The dedication she had shown to him even after he struck her, even after the breakup, even after his relentless pursuit of Zoey, was like that of a lioness refusing to release her prey. If even someone as emotionally dense as Warren could see it, then perhaps her feelings really were pure and true. But how did he feel? For the past few months, there was no one for him but Zoey Brahm. Nothing could erase the image of that smile from the forefront of his mind: the hypnotizing smirk that Ben thought could easily drive men to war just for a moment of her time.
Of course, he had liked Gwen too. She was a good girlfriend. He thought that she was quite attractive, and that she made for a good conversation partner. At least, she had before things became so untenable between them. He also found her devotion to him quite admirable. Regardless of how the past few months had gone, their time together was something precious to him that he wouldn¡¯t change for anything else in the world.
However, despite their love together, it was only when he became acquainted with Zoey that he came to terms with what it meant to truly desire a woman. She led him around by the nose, subtly guiding him along with the unspoken prospect of her finally becoming his. And the further down that path he¡¯d been taken by that addictive smile of hers, the more hostile Gwen had become towards him. Her paranoia had morphed into a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more upset Gwen had become, the less time he wished to spend with her. Instead, he had been actively seeking out conversations with Zoey more frequently. Regardless of whose fault it was, he thought, there was only one inescapable reality that he was forced to confront. He was less in love with Gwen than he had been before.
A few moments after Gwen had left the cafeteria, she finally caught up with Lawrence at the lockers where he¡¯d been waiting. He had been spending the down time before her arrival by scrolling through his phone. His TikTok algorithm was littered with self-improvement motivational videos that he used to help himself get through the day. He found peace in listening to these affirmations against the disappointments that the past two weeks had offered him. And the worst of these disappointments had been watching his friend group hang on by the thread of Ben and Gwen¡¯s dilapidated relationship. The two of them would never go back to the way they were before, and Lawrence knew it. The only way to rectify this situation was with an amicable breakup. Since Ben had already broken up with her once, the two of them only needed Gwen to accept that it was over. This, he believed, would be the only way to resolve this properly.
¡°Are you crazy? What if Ben sees us together like this? He¡¯ll kill you.¡±
Lawrence almost scoffed. Ben? Chase after her like this? In what world was he paying attention to her enough to put two and two together? However, rather than openly antagonizing her, he decided to play it cool.
¡°Actually, he¡¯s exactly the person I wanted to talk to you about.¡±
At his opener, Gwen raised an eyebrow.
¡°What about him?¡±
¡°Well,¡± he started, suddenly nervous about how he¡¯d navigate the conversation. ¡°Do you think things are okay as they are now between you two?¡±
¡°Better than they were last week.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡±
¡°But nothing. Is this what you called me out here for?¡±
Lawrence had already lost his footing. He wanted to be fair to Gwen, but he knew that saying the words would cause her to lose her trust in him. He thought back to his interactions with Zoey Brahm last week and beyond. How did she always manage to guide him into doing what she wanted? He had known, of course. One doesn¡¯t spend all that time with someone without picking up a few tricks. All she had been doing the entire time was leading him by his nose. Using loaded questions, she allowed him to come to the conclusion that she wanted him to on his own. By letting him believe that it was his own idea, she avoided the usual resistance that came from confronting someone on their self-destructive behaviors. He hated to admit it, but as manipulative as Zoey was, it was hard not to use her tactics sometimes.
¡°Are you happy right now?¡± he asked.
¡°Am I happy? What kind of question is that?¡±
¡°Just answer it. Are you?¡±
¡°No, actually. I¡¯m miserable. I might be worse off than I was last week in some ways.¡±
¡°What do you mean? You¡¯re dating Ben again, aren¡¯t you? Isn¡¯t that what you wanted?¡±
¡°Are you fucking playing dumb right now?¡± Lawrence flinched. Apparently, he wasn¡¯t as good at leading people with questions as Zoey was. ¡°You saw what happened earlier. That¡¯s how it¡¯s been all week. Yeah, we¡¯re going out again, but he¡¯s been¡ cold. It¡¯s just not the same. All we ever fucking do is fight. And I feel like it¡¯s my fault. Yeah, I know it is. I¡¯m the one who keeps picking fights with him. But can you really blame me? Fighting feels so much better than being ignored.¡±
¡°Yeah, I get that.¡±
Gwen turned to examine the wall behind her. Seeming satisfied, she rested her back against it and let out a sigh.
¡°I had a strange dream the other night. I was trapped at the top of a castle wearing that purple dress I had on for homecoming. There I was, just standing there silently on the balcony with nothing to do. Looking down on everyone who had the freedom to live in the world beyond the confines of the castle walls. Do you know what I felt up there, Lawrence?¡±
He shook his head.
¡°I was just hoping. Hoping that he would come rescue me from my prison in the sky. That he would, hopefully, take me down into the fun, exciting world below my feet. Wishing from the deepest depths of my heart for such a future, since it would mean that, at least on some level, he still cared about me the way he did back then. I remember waking up that morning with tears in my eyes. Why did I, I wonder? Is it because I had woken up before he finally came to rescue me?
¡°I¡¯ve spent the past two years wanting nothing more than to be his. I did it all for him. I was kind, loving, and understanding of his needs. I did everything he asked, and I spent every waking moment thinking about him. All I wanted in return was the same thing that I want now: to be held by him the way he held me back then. I couldn¡¯t tell you exactly why it¡¯s so different now. I only know that something about the days he spent agonizing over Zoey has changed him. And I know that it would take a miracle to go back to a time before that. Have you ever felt like that, Lawrence? The feeling of losing someone you loved with all your heart? Watching them obsess over someone else, someone so clearly superior to you in every way, that it almost feels like you¡¯re racing against a doped-up athlete?
Lawrence felt a tug somewhere in his chest. What was he thinking about in that moment? Who was he imagining just then? For the first time in a while, the subtle hint of a powerful emotion had yanked at the strings of his heart. However, he wouldn¡¯t allow himself to think about such trifling things. He had killed that part of himself a long time ago, and he wouldn¡¯t let it resurface then. What he needed to focus on at that moment was helping Gwen. Ben didn¡¯t love her anymore, and he was certain of it. Their interactions since the Zoey incident were like that of an elderly couple who had exhausted the well of their youthful romance a long time ago. It was a pitiful sight when the couple in question consisted of two high schoolers. She needed to let go, that much was obvious to him.
¡°Wha-¡± Gwen yelped reflexively, then held her tongue. Lawrence had pulled her away from the wall and into a gentle embrace. ¡°What¡ what the fuck are you doing? Let go of me.¡±
¡°He¡¯s not coming, Gwen.¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Ben isn¡¯t coming for you. He¡¯s not going to be the one to take you out of that castle. He¡¯s not going to save you.¡±
¡°What are you¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s not okay. It¡¯s the worst feeling in the world. It¡¯s a feeling like everything¡¯s coming to an end. Like you¡¯ve been abandoned by the world and God himself. I know how it feels. But I promise you, it¡¯s not the end of the world.¡±
¡°No, I¡ he will. I know he will.¡± She gripped the back of his shirt and held him tightly. ¡°He will. He will, he will, he will.¡±
¡°Gwen¡¡± Lawrence muttered.
¡°No, you don¡¯t understand Lawrence. He will, he has to. I mean, after all, he¡¡±
¡°What the hell is going on here?¡±
¡°Ben¡¡± Gwen called out reflexively.
Lawrence tensed up.
He¡¯d found them at the worst possible time. There they were, in each other¡¯s arms sharing a passionate embrace with her face pressed into his chest, and it was all behind his back. Of course, the circumstances of their hug being what they were, it probably shouldn¡¯t have been considered an act of betrayal. That¡¯s what Lawrence believed. But when it came to Benjamin Otto and his short temper, being heard out at this juncture was but a pipe dream.
Volume 2 Chapter 1 - III
I waited outside of the photography club room for about twenty minutes. Classes were over for the day, and I¡¯d shown up as requested by Jaz to submit my club application. Much like last week, I found myself anxious about what awaited me on the other side of that tall, intimidating door. Only this time, my relationship with Zoey Brahm was far more established than it had been back then. We¡¯d spoken multiple times in just the past few days, and by some miracle, I had even spent time in her bedroom with her. But a part of me couldn¡¯t help but find the situation nerve-wracking. After all, this would be the first time we spoke since I told her that I was hers.
My face went red just remembering it. Was my unconditional acceptance of her all due to Benjamin¡¯s influence, or was I really that willing to be in her good graces? It wasn¡¯t even just that incident either. I¡¯ve been doubting everything I did last week since I returned to normal. Could the person I was back then even truly be called Tristan Collins? Wouldn¡¯t it technically be more accurate to say that it was someone else entirely? A person whose foundation was similar to Tristan¡¯s, but whose essence was warped into something completely different? Or is it more like saying that I was influenced by a friend after spending a large amount of time with them? If I spent the past three years of my life with Benjamin instead of Lance, for example, would the version of myself that existed in that universe still be considered Tristan? And if so, how is that any different from the residual influence that Dream Paralysis leaves in my body?
¡°Hey stranger.¡±
¡°Oh¡¡± I spun reflexively to the call of her voice. ¡°Zoey, hey...¡±
¡°How long were you waiting around for? The door¡¯s open, you know.¡±
¡°Huh? No, it¡¯s¡¡±
I moved my hand to the knob and twisted it gently, expecting it to lock in place. The darn thing gave no resistance however, and instead easily clicked open in response to my touch.
¡°See?¡± She smiled before gently brushing past me to head inside, the scent of cinnamon wafting through the air. It probably doesn¡¯t warrant mentioning, but I felt like a total idiot. When I received no response after my knock, my mind came to the natural conclusion that the door hadn¡¯t been unlocked yet since no one else was there. The assumption was so embarrassing that I slapped both cheeks twice in shame before following her inside.
The club room appeared to be in the exact state that it had been in last week. Same monitor set up with the computer to the far-left end of the door, same lounging area with a bright, red sofa and dark wooden table directly between the aforementioned setup and myself, and of course, the same black curtains that ran from the middle of the right wall down to its end in the center of the room, sectioning the space into two.
¡°Have a seat. There¡¯s a kettle to your right if you¡¯d like some tea.¡±
I suppose there was a big difference now, and I had only noticed it after turning to my right. There was a water dispenser and a table right beside it. That table, housing a kettle, some paper cups and an assortment of different teabags seated to the right of the door, was a welcomed new piece of the photography club that served as Zoey¡¯s lair for creating connections within the school.
¡°When did that get here?¡± I asked while taking a seat on the sofa.
¡°Just before you did. The school wasn¡¯t sure if we¡¯d gather enough members in time, so they never bothered returning it until now.¡±
¡°Oh, really?¡±
She nodded. ¡°Today is the deadline on securing the minimum member requirements after all. Speaking of which, you brought the application, right?¡±
¡°Right, here.¡± I handed it to her nervously. I suddenly didn¡¯t have the guts to tell her that I wasn¡¯t sure if Lance would even show up at all. After all, judging by what she¡¯d just said, the photography club would be nothing but a smoldering pile of rubble if he didn¡¯t. ¡°Why were you guys so picky when it came to choosing club members, though? I¡¯m sure a ton of people must have applied.¡±
¡°Well,¡± she started, accepting the form before placing it over at the computer desk to the left. ¡°The official reason I gave Jaz was that we needed people who were passionate about photography. But truthfully, I just needed someone who wouldn¡¯t be too distracting.¡±
¡°Distracting?¡±
¡°For example, girls who are only interested in clout, guys who are only interested in making romantic advances.¡±
¡°I see¡¡±
After a precursory glance over the form she¡¯d just set down, she turned to walk back over to the couch and took a seat right next to me.
She was close.
Too close.
So close, in fact, that I couldn¡¯t even muster the strength to look in her direction.
My heart was pounding out of my chest, and my eyes were glued to my feet.
¡°Tristan, I couldn¡¯t help but notice that Castro isn¡¯t with you today.¡±
I gulped. I wasn¡¯t nervous because she was asking about that terrifying creature. It was just that, her voice was so gentle that I couldn¡¯t help but be taken in. I was being absorbed into Zoey¡¯s world once more. By her aroma, by her sweet voice, by that hypnotic smile. The feeling of her weight on the sofa next to me. The sight of her hair glistening in the light. It had only been a week, but her gravitational pull was even more intense than it was before. I was being taken into her orbit, slowly but surely.
¡°Y-yeah. He left on Monday. My personality seems to be back to normal too.¡±
¡°Hmm, so it¡¯s only residual influence from the hacking. Makes sense.¡± She leaned back onto the sofa, her arms laying limp at her sides in a show that made her appear defenseless. ¡°What do you think he was?¡±
¡°What do I¡? I don¡¯t know,¡± I said.
¡°Oh, you can do better than that. I¡¯m sure you have some ideas.¡±
Was she testing me? It¡¯s practically impossible for me to guess what that supernatural thing was.
¡°I don¡¯t...¡±
¡°Okay, let¡¯s try this. What do you know about him so far? Just based on what¡¯s happened since it showed up.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s probably somehow related to Dream Paralysis, I¡¯d guess...¡±
¡°Well, yes,¡± she agreed as if it were obvious. ¡°But in what way?¡±
¡°Uhm¡ it only showed up after my hack with Benjamin. And you and I were the only two people who could see it. And¡ I think it disappeared about three days after the hack.¡±
¡°Which means you haven¡¯t used your power since then?¡± I nodded my head at her assumption. I wasn¡¯t sure what exactly she was getting at, but she appeared to believe that we were making progress based on her contemplative expression, so I didn¡¯t bother saying anything. ¡°So why is it that I was the only person who could see it, Tristan?¡±
¡°Isn¡¯t it because I hacked you the most?¡±
¡°Is that true?¡±
¡°Yeah. I hacked you four times. I had only hacked everyone else about once. Your mom, the thief, Gwen, Ben¡ So maybe¡ you¡¯re more connected to whatever it is that¡¯s causing these powers.¡±
¡°Hmm, maybe. It¡¯s also possible that it¡¯s because we were so close when you were first infected at the campsite. Infected? Or maybe possessed is a better word?¡±
¡°Possessed? Infected?¡±
¡°Yeah. It¡¯s entirely possible that that thing is like a parasite that lives inside of your head.¡± I froze in place at the thought. A parasite? Like a brainworm? ¡°Well, if we were to believe that then your theory of having hacked me the most is more likely. I didn¡¯t feel anything strange that night in the woods.¡±
¡°Am I¡ gonna die?¡±
¡°Hmm? Why would you?¡± she asked.
¡°I¡ I don¡¯t know.¡±
She stared at me with a curious expression, then faced ahead.
¡°By the way, does the term ¡®Wendigo¡¯ mean anything to you?¡±
¡°Wendigo? What¡¯s that?¡±
¡°Well, I looked up a description of Castro¡¯s appearance online and that was what came up. It¡¯s supposedly these evil spirits in Native American folklore that possess others and creates cannibalistic tendencies inside of that person.¡±
¡°Cannibalistic¡?¡±
¡°Yeah. Only, that doesn¡¯t sound like Castro, does it? And that¡¯s not the only thing that¡¯s off. While Deer Valley was originally native land, the Cralixi tribe that once lived here had nothing to do with the Wendigo spirit. It¡¯s supposedly only related to the northern tribes near Canada and the great lakes.¡±
¡°So, it¡¯s not a Wendigo then?¡±
At my question, she grinned.
¡°You¡¯re really going to let me figure it all out by myself, aren¡¯t you?¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry. I really wish I could help, but¡¡± I fidgeted anxiously, looking away from her. ¡°I don¡¯t think you should expect much from me.¡±
¡°Hmm?¡± she smiled, leaning in closer. ¡°And why¡¯s that, Tristan?¡±
Why had she insisted on hovering over me with that intense gaze of hers? Just how was I supposed to put together a coherent thought when the girl of my dreams had been laser-honing her attention onto me like that?
¡°I¡¯m just¡ bad at applying myself. I always have been. I barely scrape through any of my classes besides American Literature. I just, don¡¯t have the brains for stuff like this.¡±
I looked away as I said it. It was so embarrassing. It was embarrassing, but I couldn¡¯t not say it. I¡¯m hers. I¡¯ll do anything if it means making her happy. Communicating that to her in as few words as possible was important to me. After wordlessly staring over me, she finally slumped back into the sofa.
¡°I remember, you know. Last year in that American Literature class. We had been going over the Great Gatsby after reading through the first chapter. Mr. Davis had asked us what we thought the major themes of the book were going to be.¡±
I laughed. ¡°He was all about themes. He told us that they were the soul of any piece of storytelling.¡±
¡°And almost immediately,¡± she continued. ¡°Without waiting to be called, you murmured an answer loud enough to be heard through the silence. ¡®Class¡¯.¡±
¡°I did that?¡± This was about a year ago, so I had scarcely remembered every little detail. Sure, I had answered quite a few of his questions back then, but I hardly remembered the specifics.
¡°You did. And when he asked why, you drew his attention to the first quoted lines of the chapter. Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven¡¯t had the advantages that you¡¯ve had.¡±
She repeated the quote with such precision that I wouldn¡¯t have been surprised to find out that she had been reading it off my forehead.
¡°With just a single chapter, you managed to dig out the overarching theme of class consciousness and the death of the American dream from right under Fitzgerald¡¯s writing hand.¡±
¡°It¡¯s nothing that anyone else who cared to apply themselves couldn¡¯t do.¡±
¡°But Tristan, all I¡¯m asking is for you to apply yourself again.¡± She stroked the top of my head as if she were caressing a baby¡¯s scalp. I thought that I was going to melt from the warmth of her soft hand. Being alone with Zoey and receiving her touch was a blessing that I couldn¡¯t believe I was experiencing. Was this heaven? But just as quickly as she had blessed me with her touch, she pulled it away, dropping me down onto the earth below.
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¡°So, uhm¡ was it a Wendigo?¡± I asked, trying to get things back on topic. Whether or not I could get to the bottom of this if I applied myself, I certainly couldn¡¯t focus with her next to me.
She looked down at her nails. ¡°Well supposedly, the deer-like appearance of the Wendigo is a recent interpretation. Apparently, a filmmaker called Larry Fessenden made a film titled after the creature a few decades ago. It seems like he got the idea from an old high school teacher who told him the story of meeting that creature once upon a time.¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯ve never heard of it.¡±
¡°It¡¯s kind of a cult movie. But I think the important thing is that this teacher, whoever it is, probably knows more about it than we do.¡±
¡°Really? How old is this director?
¡°If I¡¯m right, then he should be in his fifties.¡±
¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know how likely it is that we¡¯re finding that teacher then.¡± I turned to face her intently. ¡°Are you sure it¡¯s this Wendigo? The one in the movie?¡±
¡°The descriptions match, at least, so it won¡¯t hurt to look into it. If it really was this thing from the movie, then there¡¯s no end to the resources we could look into. But it¡¯s more likely that that teacher saw the Dream Paralysis demon and mistakenly assumed it was a Wendigo.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°In any case, I¡¯d like to talk about what we¡¯ll be doing next, but it looks like we don¡¯t have much time.¡±
As she said it, I heard the sound of footsteps approaching from the other side of the door.
¡°That must be Jazmine.¡± Zoey picked herself up and walked over to the computer. ¡°And for reference, when we¡¯re around other people, the only times we met last week were related to your world history project.¡±
¡°Uh, yeah.¡±
The second she sat down in front of the screen, the door was thrust open with such force that I half expected the Kool-Aid man to waltz in.
¡°I¡¯m here!! Ohh, Tristy! You made it!¡±
Jazmine slid over to the sofa almost immediately and wrapped her arms around me.
¡°Oh. Hey.¡±
She pulled herself away.
¡°What? Just an ¡®oh, hey¡¯? No hug either? Tristy, I feel like you might not actually like me that much.¡±
¡°What? No of course I do.¡±
¡°You do? Really?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. Really¡¡±
My eyes turned to Zoey, who was looking over at us both with an undecipherable expression. Was she smiling, frowning, or cringing? Jazmine followed my gaze and also happened to find Zoey staring at us.
¡°Oh hey Zoey. Sorry, is this kind of thing weird in the club room?¡±
¡°And what kind of thing would that be, Jaz?¡±
¡°H-huh? Oh, I wonder.¡±
Zoey stared at her for a moment, expression unchanged, before turning away to the computer at her desk. Jazmine leaned into me and whispered into my ear.
¡°Is she jealous, do you think?¡±
¡°What? No way.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but blush at the thought. Jazmine knows about my feelings for Zoey, so she was obviously just teasing me. But still, Zoey had to have been curious about why Jazmine was being this familiar with me, right? Even if that curiosity started and stopped at whether I would talk to her about my powers or not, her interest clearly couldn¡¯t be denied.
¡°Anyway!¡± Jaz pulled herself back and leaned onto the sofa. ¡°Where¡¯s your friend, Tristy? Has he stopped by yet?¡±
¡°Oh, yeah. He¡¯s on his way, yeah. Totally.¡± I was sweating bullets.
¡°Really?¡± She peered into my face, her eyes squinting with so much suspicion that I almost confessed right then and there.
¡°Uh, hang on, I¡¯ll call him to make sure.¡±
I ran out of the club room and immediately rang his phone. If Lance ruined my chances of spending more time with Zoey, then I¡¯d never forgive him. He could go to hell for all I cared.
¡°Come on, come on, pick up¡¡±
I tapped my foot impatiently while waiting for his answer. I was desperate. Not only because it would guarantee that I could hang out with Zoey for the rest of the year, but also because it would deeply shame me if we were the reason that the photography club had to be disbanded. And unfortunately, it looked like I was one step closer to that shame. No matter how many times I dialed the number, Lance never picked up.
¡°Come on, dude¡¡±
¡°Excuse us.¡±
¡°Hm? Oh, sorry.¡±
Two younger students, possibly both freshmen, walked past me and entered the photography club room. It didn¡¯t surprise me that people were already starting to trickle in. It was a popular club, after all. Whether it was business with the homecoming pictures, requests from a particular club over one of their activities, or something like taking ID photos, the photography club was the place to be. But that photography club would probably cease to exist so long as my calls were being avoided.
¡°Lance, don¡¯t do this to me, man¡¡±
I continued tapping my foot while thinking about how much was at stake here. Even those two freshmen, I thought, before a sudden realization dawned on me. The two students who just walked by looked strangely familiar. And not just from in passing, it felt like I¡¯d spoken to them both before. Why would I feel that way, though? Did I really know any first-years that personally? Or was it just from passing them by in the halls? No, it felt more intimate than that. But where? I needed to get a closer look. Putting the issues with Lance aside, I decided to make my way back into the club room.
¡°Sorry, I don¡¯t really know a ¡®Travis¡¯ in senior year,¡± Zoey said. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can help you two.¡±
¡°Come on! You were talking to him at the game! I sat right next to the two of you!¡±
¡°Did I really do something like that¡?¡±
¡°Okay, look. Just show us the photos from the game. I¡¯ll find him for you.¡±
¡°Well, I suppose I have no reason not to.¡±
Zoey lifted herself up from the chair and allowed the boy, who I recognized as Ollie, to sit at the computer before the basketball game album.
¡°Oh god,¡± I muttered to myself.
It was an unprecedented disaster. The fake name I¡¯d used at the game was being thrown around casually like it was a basketball and not something that could doom me forever. They were hunting for me, the boy who showed up to the game disguised, and also the one who coordinated the Otters loss with Gwen. If someone could demonstrably connect Tristan Collins to Gwen Diaz, then that might tip Benjamin off to the fact that something was happening behind the scenes during the game. And if Gwen was pressured by him to answer those questions, then there¡¯s no way she¡¯d be able to oppose him for very long.
However, there was nothing I could do about it. To step in would not only put myself into the spotlight, but it would be a uniquely suspicious act that I had no confidence about my ability to navigate. In fact, it was a miracle that they hadn¡¯t recognized me already.
¡°Let¡¯s see¡¡± Ollie said, looking through the pictures. ¡°Cheerleaders, cheerleaders, cheerleaders, game, game, cheerleaders, game, mascot, mascot, game, game¡ Are there any real shots of the crowd in here?¡±
¡°There should be a couple,¡± Zoey said, moving to lean over Ollie¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Do you dislike my pictures?¡±
¡°H-huh? Oh, n-no I think they¡¯re very high quality. You¡¯re really good at this stuff¡¡±
¡°Thank you.¡±
The sudden urge to tear him limb from limb was rising like a flame over searing coals. When did I become such a jealous person, I wonder? Zoey seemed to have a talent for bringing out the worst in me.
¡°Ah, here¡¯s a good one,¡± he said. ¡°Let¡¯s see...¡±
He zoomed in on the image and we found him focusing on the top left of the photo, where the two of us, both Ollie and I, were seated for the majority of the game.
¡°Oh, do you mean this person?¡± Zoey pointed over at myself, who was seated close to the upper door in the gym¡¯s stands.
¡°Let me have a look.¡± Jazmine, who was initially unenthusiastic about it, decided to come up and see what all the commotion was about. ¡°Hmm¡ oh.¡±
¡°Oh?¡± Ollie looked over at her. ¡°What do you mean ¡®oh¡¯?¡±
¡°Hmm? Oh, I just¡¡±
¡°Oh, him,¡± Zoey interrupted her. ¡°We spotted him while taking pictures. Apparently, he was an Ollenville student who snuck in to support the Otters.¡±
¡°What? Really?¡± The girl seemed shocked. ¡°But he¡¡±
¡°He?¡±
¡°N-nevermind. It makes sense, he looked like he was disguised.¡±
It seemed like she was about to talk about my conversation with Gwen, but she remembered that she was paid to keep it secret. At the very least, I¡¯m glad that she took our deal seriously. However, twenty dollars is washy and would probably only hold over for as much as the money felt good to her.
¡°Yeah,¡± Ollie agreed. ¡°That makes sense. That fucking asshole¡ He lied to me¡¡±
¡°Lied to you? What did he tell you?¡± Zoey asked.
¡°Huh?! Oh, n-n-nothing. Haha¡ what about you? What did you talk about after you found out?¡±
He must¡¯ve been embarrassed to bring up how I promised to get him close to Zoey. Though, he seemed to have done a good job getting there himself.
¡°Hmm, I just asked why he decided to sneak in. But he seemed to genuinely care about his school team, so I decided not to tell anyone about it.¡±
¡°Hmmm, but he was sleeping for most of the game, though. He only woke up in time to see Ben hit the referee in the face.¡±
¡°So, he only cared about the second half?¡± Zoey asked.
¡°Hmm? Well, I guess.¡±
¡°That¡¯s not exactly uncommon. There are basketball fans like that too.¡±
¡°You think so¡? Even ones who would sneak into another school to watch the game?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t have any reason to think otherwise. Do you think he was a bad person?¡±
¡°Hmmm, no. He wasn¡¯t very talkative, but he seemed nice.¡±
¡°I see. Were you trying to find this Travis person because you wanted to hang out with him again?¡±
He laughed. ¡°Well¡ something like that.¡±
Zoey leaned over him and took the mouse, then continued navigating through the pictures.
¡°You know, I think I could reach out to him if you really want me to. Did you want to talk to him too?¡±
She turned to the girl, who was somewhat surprised at how she was suddenly dragged into the conversation.
¡°Really? You¡¯d do that for us?¡±
¡°It¡¯s fine, I¡¯ve been meaning to ask him something too.¡± She pulled herself away from the computer after opening another picture. It was one of the gym being emptied out after the Otters had won. I had already left moments before the final whistle was blown, so I managed to avoid the stampede that had ensued. ¡°I¡¯ll contact you guys next week. Can you write your full name, year, email, and phone numbers on this form for me?¡±
Zoey held out a specially designed photography club form that logged the information of whoever visited the club that week. The tedious amount of work she put into this club had to be admired. It was a well-oiled machine; I couldn¡¯t deny that.
¡°Yeah, sure sure. Here, Linda.¡± Ollie wrote in his information then handed a pen and form to the girl, whose name was apparently Linda. She followed through by filling her information in then held the form out to Zoey. ¡°Okay, we¡¯re done.¡±
Ollie got up from the chair and stretched his arms out.
¡°Well, if that¡¯s all then I think we¡¯ll be seeing you guys next week if I get him,¡± Zoey said, accepting it.
¡°Uh, right. Actually, Zoey-¡±
¡°Hey, hey!¡± Jazmine interrupted Ollie, who looked like he had something important to say to Zoey. ¡°Thanks for coming. We¡¯ll call you later, so if you have anything else to say you can wait until our next meet up.¡±
She gently pushed them away to the door, chattering about how thankful she was that they visited without letting Ollie get so much as a word in. I had to admit that I could see how the two of them managed this club alone for so long. Zoey¡¯s friendly, laid-back demeanor, and Jazmine¡¯s strong-arming whenever they got too familiar. It was the perfect good cop bad cop routine. The problem was, they were about to walk past me now. Getting recognized here would be a disaster.
I decided to pull my hood up and move over to the table in the back in order to put together some tea quickly. If there was any chance that they could recognize me, then I needed to do my best to reduce those odds by not showing my face. However, thanks to Jazmine¡¯s chattering and pushiness, they were too taken in to afford to give me much more than what was probably a cursory glance. The two were herded to the exit and allowed to leave, the sound of the door clicking in place silencing the room¡¯s interior.
¡°Phew¡¡± Jazmine let out a sigh of relief. ¡°That was tense.¡±
¡°Oh, really? What happened?¡± I feigned ignorance, still making a cup of tea.
¡°Well, I was actually curious about something.¡±
¡°Y-yeah? What is it?¡± I was nervous. I didn¡¯t like the sound of her voice.
¡°Were you, by any chance¡ uh, at the homecoming game last week?¡±
¡°What?¡± I once again feigned ignorance. Only this time, I could tell that I was doing a terrible job at it.
¡°Yeah, see? Isn¡¯t this you?¡± She moved over to the computer and pulled up the image of me sitting next to Ollie on the bench. ¡°It¡¯s totally you! I¡¯d recognize that sitting posture anywhere.¡±
¡°How did you recognize my sitting posture?!¡±
I covered my mouth, and Jazmine grinned.
¡°Oh, so it WAS you.¡±
¡°No, I just mean¡ there¡¯s no such thing as recognizing¡¡±
¡°Tristan,¡± Zoey interrupted. ¡°It¡¯s fine. You can tell her.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡±
¡°Jaz, the truth is, the reason I made that bet with Benjamin is because he was going to keep harassing Tristan if I didn¡¯t go out with him again.¡±
¡°What? But Tristan isn¡¯t the reason you two broke up, is it?¡±
¡°Not exactly, but Ben wouldn¡¯t accept that. No matter how much I explained it to him, his anger was focused on Tristan. It¡¯s futile trying to communicate with someone who lives in a completely different reality. And for the consequences of my actions to involve some innocent bystander who happened to ask for help on a paper? Could I really live with that? Could you?¡±
¡°I¡ guess¡¡±
I couldn¡¯t help but admire how easily lies came to her. How was it that she was so easily able to spin a fable after being thrown a curveball like the Travis situation? She was talented, and this was irrefutable proof of it.
¡°Tristan felt guilty about it once he found out about the bet. You were there, right? When he¡¯d heard about it?¡±
I felt an imaginary spotlight shine down on me as the two of them both looked my way. Being the only guy in a room with two girls that beautiful was enough to make me feel uncomfortable as is, but also being put on the spot like that made it hard for me to breathe.
¡°I don¡¯t know, I guess I couldn¡¯t just not go watch it after finding out why she was doing it. Like, if she was forced to date someone she didn¡¯t want to because of me then what would I do?¡±
¡°Well, date is a strong word,¡± Zoey said, hopping back onto the computer. ¡°I¡¯d probably just sit with him once a week and return his texts every now and then. If he wasn¡¯t able to put up with that then he was free to break up with me if he wanted to.¡±
¡°What?¡±
The word unconsciously escaped my lips. I mean, that wasn¡¯t the impression she had given me at all. When we spoke in the car the other day, it sounded like she was fine with going all the way with him, didn¡¯t it? Was she just goading me into using Dream Paralysis?
¡°What? Is there a problem with that?¡± Zoey turned to ask me. She was gauging my expression, I could tell. That sadistic, controlling side of her was taking pleasure in the fact that she had me wrapped around her finger.
¡°No, I¡ I guess it¡¯s good that you wouldn¡¯t have to do that much.¡±
¡°That¡¯s the surprising part, though!¡± Jazmine slumped onto the sofa and kicked her feet up on the table. ¡°How did Ben manage to throw such an easy game away? Even before he got kicked off, he was getting manhandled by the little guy.¡±
¡°Yeah, it was almost like he was possessed.¡±
I froze at Zoey¡¯s poignant choice of words.
¡°Possessed?¡± Jazmine laughed. ¡°Doesn¡¯t that mean he was playing well?¡±
¡°Who knows? I didn¡¯t say he was possessed by a good player.¡±
¡°Yeah, maybe. Or maybe the thought of finally winning you over made him so nervous that he couldn¡¯t help but get in his own head. Like come on, he was definitely NOT in his right mind when he hit the ref in the face. I heard he got suspended from the team for it too. People were saying he was a shoo-in for a college ball scholarship and that might¡¯ve ruined everything for him. Ah geez, I can¡¯t help but be jealous. Zoey¡¯s so enchanting that guys will throw their futures a way just for a chance at being with her.¡±
No, it had nothing to do with his obsession with Zoey. It was all my fault. I sacrificed him because I wanted to be Zoey¡¯s first time instead of him. I ruined the homecoming dance, I destroyed his reputation at school, and I very likely ruined any chance of him having a career in basketball. I¡¯m guilty of the crime of ruining his life.
¡°His own obsession drove him to ruin. No one else should take the blame for that.¡±
But Zoey¡¯s words, words that almost felt directed at myself and not Jazmine, refused to allow me to wallow in despair.
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s true. Guy had it coming.¡± Jazmine laughed.
¡°Here,¡± I said, placing the cup of tea down at the table before Jaz as I took the hood off my head.
¡°What? Is this for me?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. I thought I¡¯d make you some as thanks for inviting me to the club.¡±
Her eyes were filled with more gratitude than I felt like I deserved. Making the cup was just an excuse to avoid Ollie and Linda, after all.
¡°Oh my God, thank you so much!¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s¡ woah!¡± My words got held up in my throat as she held me tightly.
¡°Thank you, thank you! I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re here, Tristy!¡±
¡°Ah, uhm, yeah. Me too.¡±
¡°No, seriously,¡± she said, pulling herself away. ¡°It means a lot. Thanks.¡±
I was glad that she felt this way about me joining the club, but all the joy and gratitude in the world wouldn¡¯t matter if Lance didn¡¯t bother to show up.
Volume 2 Chapter 1 - IV
¡°Huh? What¡¯s going on out there?¡± Jazmine asked.
I followed her gaze over to the door. There was a vague rumbling outside, like the blaring of speakers echoing through the hall. What was the source of the noise? Naturally, there was only one person I wished for at that moment in time.
¡°Might be Lance,¡± I said hopefully.
¡°Ugh.¡± Jaz did not seem to be a huge fan of Lance ever since their talk that morning. I couldn¡¯t say it was entirely his fault, but even I had to admit that he did bring it upon himself. I turned to Zoey, who seemed content with working at her computer rather than giving the sound any attention. As diligent as ever.
¡°HEYYYY!¡± A scream almost like a battle cry followed the large thud of the door being swung open. The thing moved so forcefully through the room that I thought it had been yanked off its hinges. The sound of a metal song, one that I quickly recognized as ¡®Change¡¯ by Deftones, swept the room up like a hurricane that sought to envelop the previously tranquil atmosphere of the photography club.
¡°Sooooooorry to keep you motherfuckers waiting!¡±
As if on cue, Lance slid into the room on his knees, singing along with the Bluetooth speaker clasped in his hand as if it were a microphone. He leaned his head forward, jerking it back and forth occasionally as if he were a rockstar putting on the performance of a lifetime.
¡°Oh my god please stop, you¡¯re embarrassing me¡¡± I muttered. He was obviously high. Cannabis only amplified his insatiable pleasure for acting the fool in front of people he barely knew, and I hated every second of it. The shame of it happening with Zoey and Jaz of all people was killing me inside.
¡°What, dude? You gonna pretend you¡¯re not a Deftones fan too? Come on bro, rock it out with me!¡±
He got up and slid his way onto the sofa, pressing against me as he continued singing into his fake microphone. It was baffling how much the atmosphere in the room had changed. I had been trying my best to keep myself together in front of these two girls in probably what was the defining day of my social life at school, and he just waltzed in and did¡ that. To say that I was having an out of body experience would be putting it lightly.
¡°Come on Trist, sing it!¡± He held the speaker out to me.
¡°I¡¯m not singing!¡±
¡°Boooring! Jaz, you¡¯re cool, right? Come on, sing it!¡±
¡°Well I would, but. I don¡¯t even know this song though?¡±
¡°WHAT?¡± Her comment knocked him out of his stupor. ¡°What the, please tell me you¡¯re joking.¡±
¡°Hey, it¡¯s a cool song. I¡¯ve heard it once or twice before. But it¡¯s not like I know the lyrics or anything.¡±
¡°Oh, come on. God, is there no one cultured in this whole club?¡±
As he said that, he spread his arms out in exasperation, and ended up knocking over the cup of tea I¡¯d prepared so carefully just moments earlier.
¡°Ah! No, no, no! My tea!¡± Jaz yelped and lifted the cup back up. However, some of the liquid had already spilled over the table, spreading like an infectious disease. She reached for some nearby napkins and tidied it up as best as she could before anything fell off the edges.
¡°Ah, sorry about that,¡± Lance said. ¡°Anyway, Deftones is the best band of all time.¡±
¡°They¡¯re okay,¡± Zoey said without turning away from her computer.
¡°Ohhh? We have a picky little music critic over here. Yeah, princess? Just what counts as good music to you then?¡±
¡°Radiohead.¡±
¡°What the fuck, RADIOHEAD?¡± He burst into laughter as if it were the funniest thing he¡¯d ever heard. ¡°Who the hell listens to Radiohead to jam out, dude? That stuff¡¯s for lonely redditors. It¡¯s like one of the biggest loser bands of all time. Deftones is obviously just way better, and they¡¯re for fans of REAL music.¡±
Zoey, clearly not interested in following him into an argument, did not acknowledge his remark. She merely continued focusing on whatever she was busy with while allowing the music to take over the room once more.
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s what I thought,¡± Lance said, before finally turning the speaker off. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m here to join your club or whatever.¡± He handed his membership form to Jaz, who reluctantly accepted it with furrowed brows. ¡°I¡¯m not going to do anything though. You guys NEED me or whatever, right? You¡¯re not allowed to be picky. I¡¯ll come in every few days to hang out with Tristan, but that¡¯s about it. Oh, is that coffee?¡±
Lance, completely distracted by the sight of the table in the back, sauntered off over to make himself something to drink.
¡°Tristy...?¡± Jazmine asked, finally done wiping up the table.
¡°Uh, yeah?¡±
¡°I¡¯m going to throw your friend into oncoming traffic.¡±
¡°Just uh, just calm down, okay? It¡¯s not that bad.¡±
¡°Not that¡ not that bad? He¡¯s out of control! I really don¡¯t remember him being like this last week at all! He seemed more¡ I dunno. Down to earth?¡±
¡°That¡¯s probably because Naomi was there,¡± I said.
¡°Naomi? Oh, his girlfriend?¡±
¡°We¡¯re not dating,¡± he said after turning the kettle on. ¡°Hey Zoey, where¡¯s the coffeemaker? All I see is this kettle and these little teabags.¡±
¡°No coffee. School won¡¯t allow it.¡±
¡°What? That¡¯s lame. I¡¯ll bring some instant in tomorrow.¡±
¡°Tomorrow is Saturday.¡±
¡°Right. Monday then.¡±
¡°So,¡± Jazmine continued, still pouting angrily. ¡°What about Naomi makes him act differently?¡±
¡°She doesn¡¯t like it when he smokes. The smell really gets to her, so he tries to rein it in when she¡¯s around.¡±
¡°So¡ they are dating?¡±
¡°No, we¡¯re not,¡± Lance said. ¡°Trist, why are you talking about me like I¡¯m not even here?¡±
¡°Who cares?¡± I spoke without directly looking his way. ¡°You came in high and started blasting music like you own the place, then you spilled her tea and barely offered her an apology. I think I owe her at least that much.¡±
¡°Owe her? Man, we saved their asses. Imagine where they¡¯d be right now without us. I¡¯ll tell you where: disbanded. Gone with the wind. We don¡¯t owe them anything. They should be on their knees thanking us.¡±
¡°Yeah right,¡± Jazmine spoke up. ¡°We didn¡¯t actually HAVE to go with you two, you know.¡±
¡°Yeah, I¡¯m sure you could¡¯ve gone with some of the desperate, horny, clout-chasing retards lining up to join this place. But you instead made the right choice and went with us. Funny how that works, huh?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t say retard in the club room.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°It¡¯s offensive language.¡±
¡°¡¯It¡¯s offensive language,¡¯¡± he mocked her with a snide look. ¡°Offensive to who? Retard, retard, retard. Oh, that¡¯s weird. I don¡¯t see anyone getting offended.¡±
¡°Stop it!¡±
¡°You¡¯re not the boss of me.¡±
¡°No,¡± Jaz said. ¡°But this is Zoey¡¯s club, and what she says goes.¡±
Lance, seeming to acknowledge the thread of truth to her logic, turned to the red-haired girl at the computer. ¡°Hey Zoey, can I say retard in the club room?¡±
¡°As long as we don¡¯t have guests,¡± she said, once more without bothering to turn around.
¡°Thanks babe, you¡¯re awesome.¡±
¡°Wha-¡° Jazmine was shocked. ¡°Come on. Don¡¯t encourage him...¡±
After realizing that Zoey wasn¡¯t going to bother responding to any of the mess happening behind her, Jaz hung her head and finally admitted defeat. She was getting poutier by the minute. For someone who had such an easy time throwing me off my rocker, I found it strange that she was having so much difficulty handling Lance when he was in his element. But that just made Zoey¡¯s indifference to his tiresome quirks all the more impressive. She wasn¡¯t so much as blinking at his deranged attitude.¡±
¡°You know Jazmine, as a gamer, it¡¯s my right, no. It¡¯s my God-given DUTY to say the words that no one else will. We¡¯ve been rejected by society for so long that the sewers beneath our feet are the only place we can find any solace. Would you tell a Scotsman to stop wearing his kilt? Would you deny an Arab his hookah? And if the answer is no, then why deny me my culture, Jaz? What have we, who have been rejected by society every step of the way, ever done to people like you?¡±
¡°It¡¯s your culture? Aren¡¯t you just admitting that the only thing you have going for you is being crude and offensive? That¡¯s not something to brag about.¡±
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
¡°Oh, I¡¯ll brag about it ¡®til the cows come home.¡± Lance said, turning back to the table at the sound of the kettle shutting off. ¡°Society¡¯s stifling grip on public language is a slight against the human spirit, and I will fight it nobly to my grave.¡±
¡°That¡¯s¡ such sophistry. Tristan, do you agree with him?¡±
¡°Huh?¡± I froze up, suddenly being drawn into the argument. ¡°Uh, no not really. I don¡¯t like that word very much.¡±
¡°Trist¡¯ll come around to calling people retards eventually,¡± Lance said.
¡°No, he won¡¯t.¡± Jaz wrapped her arms around me. ¡°He¡¯s better than you.¡±
¡°Uh, right¡¡± I muttered.
I was between a rock and a hard place with these two. Between not wanting to make a bad first impression as a member of this new club and not wanting to completely sell my friend out for acting like an irreconcilable buffoon. I often feel trapped like this in social situations. Indecisive and unable to take a strong stance one way or another. And this was no different. It also didn¡¯t help that my medication was making me unusually tired. I was half-way to dozing off in the middle of all of it.
¡°Tea¡¯s done. You¡¯re cool with Earl Grey, right Trist?¡±
¡°I guess, yeah. Thanks.¡±
He placed two coasters down on the small table in front of the sofa, then placed the two cups of tea he¡¯d prepared down in front of it.
¡°Hey, where¡¯s my tea?¡± Jaz asked.
¡°Huh? Oh, I must¡¯ve forgotten. Sorry.¡±
¡°You¡¯re an ass.¡±
¡°I know.¡±
But with that being said, he was being far more aggressive than usual. Was he really just letting loose like always? I¡¯d have to be blind to not realize how awkward he was making things. How am I supposed to enjoy my tea in the photography club if Lance was being so boisterous that he was upsetting Jaz? I could only sigh aloud.
After a few seconds of stewing in the silence of the room, Zoey stretched her arms out above her head then turned to face us. What she saw was what I had been dealing with the entire time. Jazmine, moping over how the mood in the clubroom was completely trampled over, Lance, slouched and sipping tea with a lackadaisical, shit-eating grin plastered to his face, and myself, who wasn¡¯t sure whether I should feign apathy or stew in my own discomfort over being wedged between these two.
¡°Are you three okay?¡± Zoey finally asked.
¡°Fine,¡± Jaz muttered.
¡°Uh, yeah,¡± I said, faking a laugh.
¡°Pretty bored, really,¡± Lance answered. ¡°I will say, the drama club we visited this morning was way more fun than this. Wasn¡¯t it Trist?¡±
¡°Was it really?¡±
¡°Yeah. You know, with their twelve angry jurors play.¡±
¡°No, that was really bad¡ I wouldn¡¯t even call it the same play.¡±
¡°You think so?¡± he asked. ¡°As long as the foundation¡¯s the same then it should be okay, right?¡±
¡°No way. You haven¡¯t seen the original so you don¡¯t know, but that was hardly the same play.¡±
¡°What¡¯re you two talking about? The drama club¡¯s rehearsals?¡± Zoey, who was now messing around with her camera, asked the question.
¡°Yeah,¡± I said. ¡°Have you seen the movie Twelve Angry Men?¡±
¡°Sydney Lumet? Yeah, I have. It was surprisingly well done.¡±
¡°What, seriously? You like those crappy black and white movies too?¡± Lance appeared genuinely shocked at her answer.
¡°I think early films are great for understanding how photography techniques developed and grew into the modern age. I¡¯m more of a Hitchcock girl myself, though.¡±
Hitchcock. My ears perked up. Zoey likes Hitchcock movies. I almost couldn¡¯t believe my ears.
¡°Really? What¡¯s your favorite?¡± I asked suddenly.
¡°Hmm, probably Vertigo. I enjoyed the portrayal of obsession in the latter half of the film and how it constantly looms over the relationships of men and women. As someone who¡¯s experienced it firsthand to some degree, it¡¯s hard not to appreciate such a convincing performance.¡±
¡°What? Look dude, I don¡¯t really care for the pretentious film-nerd drivel,¡± Lance said. ¡°I was just talking about how the drama club play was kinda fun to watch.¡±
¡°No, it wasn¡¯t. It was nothing like the movie,¡± I said,
¡°Okay, I¡¯m curious,¡± Zoey said, putting the camera back on the computer desk. She looked at us both with her full attention for the first time since Lance had come in, resting her chin on her palm, propped up by her elbow which was seated at the arm of her chair. ¡°How different was it, exactly?¡±
¡°Well, the jurors were all clowns for starters,¡± I stated.
¡°Clowns?¡±
¡°Yeah, like¡ they were making jokes and playing pranks on each other during the discussion. It was just a terrible parody of the original.¡±
¡°Trist, it¡¯s still got the SOUL of the original. That¡¯s what matters,¡± Lance spoke up.
¡°You haven¡¯t even seen it.¡±
¡°Okay, and? Even if they dressed it up and made it wacky and silly to give it new appeal, the play still carries the core message, right?¡±
¡°What¡¯s the core message?¡±
¡°I dunno, something about the jury system being flawed.¡±
¡°Yeah, exactly. You haven¡¯t seen it,¡± I sighed.
¡°Listen. The point I¡¯m trying to make is, even if you attach all these crazy accessories to the play, as long as it¡¯s carried by the nature of the original shit it¡¯s based off of, then it still counts as the same thing. Right Zoey?¡±
She paused for a moment, seeming to consider where the argument was headed. ¡°To be honest, I¡¯m not sure what to think. I haven¡¯t seen their version of it yet, but the question sounds a little philosophical. I¡¯m surprised though, Tristan.¡±
¡°Surprised?¡±
¡°You seem to be very passionate about this. I¡¯d never have guessed.¡±
¡°Oh¡ Yeah, I really like movies. I watch them with my dad a lot. It¡¯s one of the few things I look forward to every week.¡±
¡°Hmm¡¡± She seemed to look at me with newfound curiosity. ¡°Have you ever thought about shooting one?¡±
¡°Shooting one? Like, my own film?¡±
¡°Well, why not? You¡¯re in the photography club now. You could make a student film if you wanted to.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡±
¡°Directed by Tristan Collins has a nice ring to it, doesn¡¯t it?¡± She smiled. And to be honest, it did have a nice ring to it. I love movies, so of course I¡¯d love to make one.
¡°Ohh, that sounds like fun.¡± Lance leaned onto me. ¡°Hey, make me the star in your movie. I¡¯ll kick ass, man. I promise.¡±
But as much as I would have loved to, there was a glaring issue that I couldn¡¯t ignore.
¡°I can¡¯t.¡±
¡°You can¡¯t?¡± Zoey asked. ¡°But you just said you¡¯re passionate about movies.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡±
I couldn¡¯t say it. I couldn¡¯t say that I had no confidence in myself. Sure, I love watching them, but that¡¯s all I¡¯ll ever amount to. I¡¯m no Sydney Lumet, I¡¯m just a fan. I could never create something as wonderful as Twelve Angry Men or Dog Day Afternoon. There¡¯s so much to think about when it comes to making a film, so many different elements that work together cohesively to produce such beautiful works of art. Could I really do something like that? Do I really have the ability to pay that much attention to the details?
¡°Just try it,¡± Zoey said. ¡°Jaz and I can handle equipment and filming. You just deal with the screenplay and the directing.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°Or what, are you saying that you¡¯re fine with freeloading and drinking our tea for the rest of the year?¡± I could tell that she was joking, but I did genuinely feel bad. I don¡¯t want to be a useless member of the club. ¡°The drama club¡¯s play is going to be shown at the school assembly in two weeks. If you think their play is an insult to theater, then why don¡¯t we have them project our film before theirs? Show them a bit of what acting¡¯s really about?¡±
¡°Oh, that sounds awesome!¡± Lance seemed wholly onboard with the idea. ¡°Hey Trist, let¡¯s do it man. Write something great. I¡¯ll put on a goddamn show for those guys.¡±
¡°Haha, right¡¡±
I know I said that I didn¡¯t like their play, but facing the prospect of actually competing with them was giving me cold feet. There¡¯s no way I could live up to Zoey and Lance¡¯s expectations.
¡°Well,¡± Zoey said, turning back to the computer. ¡°It¡¯s up to you. You¡¯re free to leave for today, but I¡¯ll give you the weekend to think about it.¡±
¡°Ah, right¡¡±
¡°Sweet. Come on Trist, let¡¯s head out. I¡¯ll give you a lift home.¡±
¡°Uh, thanks.¡±
There was a split in the photography club¡¯s current energy. And as I left the room, taking in the atmosphere one last time, I was made aware of the fact that Jaz had not said a word in ages. She was just sitting there in what was her favorite place at school, scowling over just how much of a mess had been made by a certain someone.
While Zoey apparently had an impressive talent for handling him despite their differences, Lance seemed to have gotten under Jaz¡¯s skin easily. For the last few minutes of club time, rather than dealing with him directly, she instead opted to look through her phone. She hadn¡¯t bothered engaging in any of the conversations that were going on around her. Sure, I shouldn¡¯t feel guilty about it. After all, she was the one who went along with inviting him in the first place. But at the same time, she couldn¡¯t have known how out of control he could be when Naomi wasn¡¯t around. Even I was close to being fed up with him near the end.
¡°Naomi¡¡± Perhaps she could serve as some kind of a solution, I thought. If I could get her to join the photography club, then perhaps he wouldn¡¯t be quite as much of a headache for Jaz as he is right now.
¡°Huh? What about Naomi?¡±
¡°Hmm? Oh, I was just¡ uh, nothing.¡±
¡°What? Of course it wasn¡¯t nothing, man. Spit it out. It¡¯s just us.¡±
I spoke her name without thinking after leaving the room, and I was going to have to deal with the consequences of that.
¡°I was just wondering what she¡¯d think of you joining the club.¡±
¡°Oh. Well, who cares? She¡¯s the one who got mad at me in the first place,¡± Lance said.
¡°Lance¡¡±
¡°Besides, it¡¯s not like we¡¯re dating. I¡¯m free to go where the wind takes me. And right now, I¡¯m gonna be a movie star in Trist¡¯s badass action movie.¡±
¡°Who said it¡¯s gonna be an action movie?¡±
¡°Huh? What other kind of movies are there?¡±
¡°All the others? Romance? Comedies? Thrillers? Historicals?¡±
¡°Boring, boring, boring, turbo boring. Yikes, get some taste, man. Maybe I should write the screenplay and you should just direct it. I¡¯ll put Diehard to shame with my movie.¡±
¡°Why are you like this? Even Back to the Future wasn¡¯t an action movie.¡±
¡°Yeah, but it was good. Hello? Big difference.¡±
¡°Nothing you say makes any sense¡¡± I shouldn¡¯t argue with Lance when he¡¯s high, but something about him just brought it out of me. I sighed as he scrolled through his phone and started playing some more metal that I didn¡¯t particularly recognize. The two of us silently left the building to the excited instrumentals blaring through the speakers.
It was difficult for me to converse with him, which was rare. Usually, I could easily say whatever I wanted around him without fear of repercussions. But today, it felt like I was walking on eggshells. Like I was one mentioning of Naomi away from seeing a side of him I¡¯d never seen before. It was surprising to me in the first place, that he hadn¡¯t told me that the two of them were dating all those years ago. He said it was to spare my feelings, but the more I think about it, the more it feels like he just didn¡¯t trust me enough to talk about it. And even now that I do know, he¡¯s been awfully guarded whenever she comes up in a conversation.
We arrived at the parking lot outside when he looked up at the sky.
¡°Hey, that cloud kinda looks like a Lapras.¡±
¡°Lapras?¡±
¡°Yeah, look. Those are the ears up there next to the horn, follow the neck and you¡¯ve got the shell¡¡±
¡°Oh, huh. You¡¯re right.¡±
Sure enough, it was a Lapras. Lance enjoyed pointing out the shapes of Pokemon in the clouds like this. At some point, it became a game we¡¯d play together whenever we stepped out into the open.
¡°Do you think Zoey was mad about what I said?¡± he asked.
¡°Huh? Zoey?¡±
¡°Yeah, about Radiohead.¡±
¡°Didn¡¯t seem like she cared. Why¡¯d you make fun of her if you like them anyway?¡±
¡°¡¯Cuz she said Deftones was ¡®okay¡¯. How are they just ¡®okay¡¯? She was picking a fight, dude. Open your eyes.¡±
I rolled them instead of opening them. ¡°Okay, sure. But then why are you concerned about making Zoey upset instead of Jaz?¡±
¡°Huh? Was Jaz upset?¡±
¡°You¡ never mind.¡±
Talking to him was like banging my head against a wall. I wanted nothing more than for today to be over at last. It was tiring, dealing with all these colorful personalities. Which was a funny thought to have in hindsight, as a familiar face popped into my view at that moment. Her blonde, shoulder-length hair peeked out from above the second-hand Nissan she had just opened the door to. And just as I was about to look away and avoid that potential danger, I felt something vibrating in my pocket.
Quit pretending you don¡¯t see me.
The text message was displayed clearly on my screen the second I unlocked my phone. Why did I even bother checking it?
We need to talk. Come over here for a sec.
It¡¯s not like I could say no to her. She was equally as complicit as far as sabotaging the game went, but I still didn¡¯t want to risk getting on her bad side. I just wanted to live the rest of my year at school as normally as possible, then walk out with a diploma in hand.
¡°Hey Lance, apparently my dad¡¯s gonna come pick me up. You can go ahead without me.¡±
¡°Hmm? Oh, sure. I guess I¡¯ll wait with you then.¡±
¡°Huh? Oh, no. It¡¯s fine. You just get home safely.¡±
¡°Really? Because I don¡¯t mind¡¡±
¡°What? It¡¯s fine, really. I kinda wanted to spend the time thinking alone anyway.¡±
¡°I can think with you.¡±
¡°Dude.¡±
¡°Okay, fine fine. I get it. But if you get bored because I¡¯m not here to hang out with you then don¡¯t come crying to me tomorrow.¡±
¡°Yeah, sure. See you next week, dude.¡±
I stood in place and watched him hop into his car and drive off without so much as looking back at me. He must have wanted to spend more time together. The stuff with Naomi must be harder for him than I thought. I wish I could¡¯ve been there for him, but this wasn¡¯t something I could blow off. Who knows what would happen if I left my partner in crime hanging?
Volume 2 Chapter 1 - V
Gwen placed a wide plastic container at the foot of the passenger-side seat. Its purpose was obvious, she didn¡¯t want even an ounce of unwanted dirt on the inside of her car. She was a neat freak, no doubt about it, but I was in no place to argue. Her car, her rules. I stepped into the container and slid into the seat before shutting the door on my right.
¡°So uh, what¡¯s up?¡± I asked.
When I looked back up at her, I found her head and both hands resting at the top of her steering wheel. The golden locks of her hair hung over her shadowed visage, making it difficult to ascertain just what she was feeling from her face. Her body language, however, told the entire story. The way her body arched as she hunched over the wheel, almost like an admittance of defeat, clearly seemed to communicate some type of distress. Almost as if¡ everything had come crumbling down around her. Was it possible? Were we in hot water? Was that what this was all about?
¡°Gwen?¡±
No response. It felt like my worst fears were coming to life. I felt my heartbeat quickening in my chest. Was it really over? Did someone find out that we drugged Ben already? Just like that? On my first day back?
¡°Tristan.¡±
¡°Uh, yeah?¡±
¡°Would you¡¡±
I was frozen in place. Whatever she said would probably change my life forever, and the way she dragged her feet coming out with it made me want to scream.
¡°Would I¡?¡±
She paused, taking a deep breath, then faced me with renewed determination.
¡°Wanna hang out at the mall tomorrow?¡±
¡°Huh?¡± Hang out at the mall? With her? ¡°Uh¡ I mean¡¡±
¡°What, you don¡¯t want to?¡± She asked, pouting red with embarrassment.
¡°I mean¡ it¡¯s not that I don¡¯t, it¡¯s just¡¡± I scratched the back of my head. ¡°I¡¯ve never been asked out before, so...¡±
¡°Asked¡?¡±
Her face warped from embarrassment to complete confusion, to¡
¡°Ew.¡±
From a shy, gentle expression to one of unfiltered disdain for even being within my vicinity. My heart sank like the titanic, down to the bottom of the ocean floor.
¡°W-what?¡±
¡°It¡¯s my birthday, and a bunch of us are hanging out at the mall tomorrow. I just wanted to know if you felt like tagging along.¡±
My face was the red one now. I had completely misunderstood what she¡¯d said and embarrassed myself.
¡°Oh, uh¡ whose gonna be there?¡±
¡°Me, Penny, Law, Warren, and¡ Ben,¡± she said, pinching her nasal bridge. ¡°Why would you think that¡?¡±
¡°Right, my bad¡¡± I did my best to shake off the embarrassment. I had plenty of sleepless nights in the future to reminisce over how shameful this was. But that aside, I had no issues with most of the names she had mentioned, but to hang out with Ben was¡ ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I said.
¡°Don¡¯t worry, he won¡¯t bother you. He wouldn¡¯t ruin my birthday like that. We¡¯re dating again, so I¡¯ll make sure of it.¡±
She seemed to know what my major hang up was and tried to ease my concerns. It didn¡¯t do much to alleviate any distress his name had brought up, however. It¡¯s not that I didn¡¯t trust her, it¡¯s just that he probably wouldn¡¯t be able to hold himself back from going crazy after everything that¡¯s happened. Not only does he not have Zoey, but his basketball career is in ruins now according to what Jaz had said. Seeing my face after all of that probably wouldn¡¯t do his mental state any favors.
¡°How, uh¡ how¡¯s he been? Since, you know¡¡±
As if my words had scratched an itch, she reached down and grabbed a cigarette before lighting it at her lips. She turned her window down and took a drag of the thing while staring emptily at the roads outside of her window.
¡°He¡¯s Ben,¡± she finally said.
¡°I see.¡± Her response was the opposite of reassuring. Gwen was not doing a fantastic job of selling me on this birthday mall visit of hers. ¡°Listen. It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t want to¡¡±
¡°I¡¯ll invite Naomi.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°That way your friend will come, right? Since the two of them are always together.¡±
Naomi¡¯s name coming up wasn¡¯t that surprising. Gwen and her were on good terms, after all. But were they really that close, or was she just that serious about getting me to come to the mall?
¡°Can I ask why you¡¯re inviting me? I mean, aside from what happened last week, we¡¯re not exactly close...¡±
¡°I know. I just, thought it¡¯d be a nice way to say thank you for everything you did.¡±
¡°Thank me?¡±
¡°Well, if it weren¡¯t for you, Ben would still be obsessing over Zoey, and I¡¯d be¡ Well, I don¡¯t know if I¡¯d be able to keep living like that.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
She wasn¡¯t wrong about that. Even if Zoey curbed him for the month like she said she would, that would probably only make Ben more obsessed with controlling her. She can act like it wasn¡¯t a big deal as much as she likes, but our school losing the homecoming game was a godsend for all three of us, her included.
¡°I¡¯m the same. If he won, I might¡¯ve done something I¡¯d regret.¡±
¡°Yeah, I feel the same way.¡±
The two of us sat in silence in the car, mulling over what could have been. It¡¯s thanks to Gwen that it didn¡¯t get to that point. I don¡¯t think I could have thrown the game without resorting to revealing Dream Paralysis if she didn¡¯t help out. But if we look at it that way, then she¡¯s probably thinking that it¡¯s also thanks to me that she didn¡¯t have to resort to something more drastic.
¡°Anyway, that¡¯s all I wanted to say. We¡¯re meeting up at the mall at around 1, so make sure you¡¯re there on time.¡±
¡°Right¡ I guess I could go.¡±
¡°Okay, good.¡±
¡°But¡¡± I said.
¡°But?¡±
¡°Do you think you could give me a lift back to my place right now?¡±
¡°Huh? Why would I do that?¡±
¡°Well, Lance kinda drove off without me already¡¡±
¡°Are you stupid? You could¡¯ve just told him to wait.¡±
¡°I didn¡¯t think you¡¯d want people knowing that we were on speaking terms, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°W-why not? Well¡¡±
I couldn¡¯t tell her it¡¯s because that was the arrangement Zoey and I were working under until today. Being unable to connect the two of us reduces the chance of anyone uncovering the conspiracy we hatched last week. But I guess to Gwen it¡¯s not a big deal. I suppose it¡¯s not like anyone would ever figure out what we did unless she opened her mouth, after all.
¡°Ugh, nevermind,¡± she said, putting her seatbelt on. ¡°Just text me the address.¡±
¡°I gave it to you at homecoming.¡±
¡°Yeah, and I deleted it. I don¡¯t want people knowing that we were texting that day. You deleted it too, right?¡±
If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
Her squinted gaze was a laser beam to the face. Or perhaps it was more like x-ray vision, considering how transparent everything seemed to be for her. Either way, there was no point in arguing with her.
¡°I¡¯ll just send it again then,¡± I said.
She started the car as I sent her the information, and in just a few moments, the sound of tires crunching stones on asphalt filled my ears, and we were on the road. I took the opportunity to click my seatbelt into place, not wanting to get thrown through the windshield should Gwen decide that she needed no witnesses to her deed last week.
The sky had been tinged by a slight dye of orange, a color that seemed to only highlight the browning of the autumn leaves in the thick forest of pines surrounding us. There were leaves scattered across the fenced off grass, leaking onto the road as if hungry to flood the world with nature until winter finally arrived. The passing of the car was conjuring gusts of wind that kicked the discarded waste up into the air. It was a memento of the tree¡¯s past given one final breath of life, and it seemed that neither of us had any intention of looking back.
It started off as a quiet ride, as Gwen seemed to favor not having music on during her rides home. Or perhaps she just didn¡¯t feel like letting me listen in on whatever she had been playing last? Either way, her attitude towards me seemed to imply that she was done with her business and wanted nothing more to do with me. I didn¡¯t blame her for it. I happened to also be quite uncomfortable with everything. I mean, if Ben saw me with her like this then wouldn¡¯t he get right back to hounding me like before? She didn¡¯t seem to be too worried about it though, so maybe I was being paranoid for no reason.
Then I thought about her birthday. I had no idea that it was so soon. Should I get her a gift since she went out of her way to invite me? I contemplated it for a little, but my thoughts were interrupted suddenly. My body jerked forward as if I was being propelled by all the laws of physics in the world and then some. If I hadn¡¯t opted to wear my seatbelt, I might have slammed my face into the storage compartment.
¡°Shit, sorry,¡± Gwen said.
She had put the car to a sudden stop. It was only when I gathered myself and took a glance through the windshield that I figured out why. Its large body coated in brown-ish grey fur was sprawled out in the middle of the road. Surrounded by nothing but tall pine trees, whose red-dyed leaves cast a bloodied shadow over its mass. The white-tailed doe before us was as still as a statue, eyes devoid of light or even a hint of movement.
¡°It¡¯s dead,¡± Gwen said.
¡°Yeah.¡±
The two of us could only look on in silence. It was a first for me. I¡¯d seen raccoons and possums lie as victims to a hit and run before, but an adult deer like this was a rarity for me. Even from as far back as I was, seated in the passenger seat of a car a few feet away, I was forced to recognize the sheer size of the creature. It¡¯s a wonder that whoever hit it managed to drive away with their car in one piece.
¡°There¡¯s nothing we can do for it,¡± she said.
¡°Yeah...¡±
¡°I¡¯m going to drive around.¡±
She pulled the car over to the left side of the road and slowly drove on. My eyes met its lifeless pupils as we were passing. A living thing, now dead. It wouldn¡¯t enjoy another meal, mate with a lover, or care for its fawns. It was a conscious being, just like me, with the fire of life burning vibrantly within itself, and now that fire was gone. It wouldn¡¯t ever come back. That¡¯s the end of it.
Dead.
It¡¯s dead.
We will all die eventually, just like this deer.
That¡¯s right.
I¡¯m going to die.
¡°Ah¡¡± I felt my chest being tugged into the seat.
The tendrils of darkness from all those years ago.
I was being sucked into the tunnel again.
All while the face of the end, the lifeless eyes of the deer peered into me.
Slowly, the face warped.
As if I had suddenly developed a supernatural sixth sense, the skull of the wendigo imprinted itself onto the deer¡¯s face.
¡°A-ah¡¡±
I gripped my chest suddenly as my breathing quickly became erratic.
¡°Tristan?¡±
My heart was entering a frenzy.
The tendrils were tugging at me with an animalistic roughness.
Everything was suddenly a blur as I felt myself sinking into the car seat.
I¡¯m going to die.
I undid the seatbelt and pulled my body forward as my audibly frantic breaths filled the inside of the car.
At that moment, I genuinely believed that I was going to drop dead inside of Gwen¡¯s car.
¡°Tristan, it¡¯s okay. You¡¯re fine. Take deep breaths,¡± Gwen said, hurriedly parking the car off to the side. I did my best to follow her instructions, changing my breathing from small, desperate gasps to larger gulps of air. She reached into the back seat as I did my best to calm myself. ¡°Christ, it¡¯s okay, okay? Look, here.¡±
I glanced over and found her holding a flask of water that sounded about half-empty. I removed the cap and took a sip as my breathing naturally came to a crawl. I felt her hand caressing my back as I managed to refocus myself. My face must not have inspired much confidence if even Gwen, who constantly looked like she wanted to admonish me into dust, looked worried. But her presence had helped me, as the tendrils slowly released their grip on me, and I found myself relaxing in my seat, still taking passioned breaths.
¡°Tastes like cigarettes,¡± I said after my final gulp.
She must have been drinking in-between smoking because I could taste the tobacco on my tongue with each sip.
¡°Shut the fuck up.¡± She swiped it back from me then put it in the cupholder. Her angry expression only lasted a moment though, as her face crumpled into a sigh. ¡°Panic attack?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
I half-expected her to berate me for being such a coward, but at my response, she only glanced back over at the deer.
¡°You don¡¯t have to look at it. It¡¯s just a dead animal.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
Her hand left my back and returned to the steering wheel, and she started driving again. Her response had taken me by surprise. For someone who had seen it fit to be as coarse as she had been with me, she was oddly understanding of my plight.
¡°Do you have panic attacks too?¡± I asked.
¡°What gave you that idea?¡±
¡°I¡ I don¡¯t know. You just... you were very helpful back there. Thank you.¡±
She held her silence for a few moments. Her unreadable expression made it difficult for me to ascertain whether she was grateful for my understanding or just plain annoyed.
¡°Yeah. It happens every now and then.¡±
¡°Do you know what causes them?¡±
¡°What are you, my therapist?¡± she shot back.
¡°Oh, right. Sorry.¡±
I was being conceited. It¡¯s not like she¡¯d just open up about her trauma to a guy like me. We continued in silence for about two minutes as I immersed myself in the Deer Valley wildlife around me.
¡°Bees,¡± she said.
¡°Bees?¡±
¡°I¡¯m allergic. If I get stung, I¡¯ll go into anaphylactic shock.¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry.¡±
She sighed. ¡°For what it¡¯s worth though, getting stung as a kid is only the second worst thing that¡¯s ever happened to me.¡±
I didn¡¯t need to ask what the worst thing was. It was obvious enough from having spoken to her last week. But despite having asked about her allergies, I couldn¡¯t find the words to console her beyond my meager apology. I¡¯m also scared of dying, but I couldn¡¯t imagine what her experience of the outdoors was if she had to be anxious about something like that constantly.
¡°What about you?¡±
I paused, wondering how transparent I should be with her.
¡°Hey Gwen¡ have you ever heard of something called a Wendigo?¡±
¡°Wendigo? The deer demon thing?¡±
¡°You know about it?¡±
¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve heard it in passing. Why?¡±
¡°I¡¯ve been having dreams about it this past week. It¡¯s like, this scary creature that enters my body and follows me wherever I go.¡±
¡°And the Wendigo dreams are what¡¯s causing your panic attacks?¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s more like they¡¯re a symptom.¡±
¡°You¡¯re building up to something here.¡±
¡°Okay, okay, I¡¯m getting to it.¡± I took a deep breath, then with my exhale, the words came out naturally. ¡°I¡¯m scared of dying.¡±
She turned to face me, then looked back at the road, taking a moment to let my words seep in carefully. Then, as if she hadn¡¯t paused at all, she scoffed.
¡°Dying? That¡¯s all?¡±
¡°What? What do you mean that¡¯s all? You¡¯re scared of dying too.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m scared of bee stings. That¡¯s different. Dying is whatever.¡±
¡°Dying is not whatever,¡± I protested.
¡°What¡¯s so scary about it then?¡±
¡°Nothing, if you¡¯re religious.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not particularly religious.¡±
¡°Then how is it not scary? It¡¯s the end of everything. You¡¯re going to like, not exist anymore.¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s going to fucking happen whether I worry about it or not, Tristan. What¡¯s the point in crying about it?¡±
¡°That explains the smoking...¡±
¡°It relaxes me. Maybe your hard ass should try it sometime.¡± Her annoyed expression forced me to smile. ¡°Besides, the fact that I¡¯m gonna die someday is liberating in a way.¡±
¡°Liberating?¡±
¡°Yeah. If I¡¯m going to die anyway, then I may as well spend my time while I¡¯m alive chasing after what makes me happy.¡±
¡°You think so?¡±
¡°Yeah, I do. I feel like it¡¯s way too easy to get caught up in thoughts like ¡®I¡¯m not good enough to do this¡¯ or ¡®this thing I want will never happen for me¡¯. I see cousins I¡¯ve grown up with give up their dreams for normal lives. They look happy to me, but sometimes I can¡¯t help but wonder if they ever regret giving up. Wondering if they¡¯re going to spend the rest of their one life on earth pondering whether they could have done it or not.¡±
I could only hear from her voice the naive philosophy of a high school girl who refused to let go of her first love. But for some reason, at that moment, Gwen Diaz¡¯s radiance was blinding to me. Her words did nothing but remind me of my situation with Zoey, whom I had spent the entirety of my high school career admiring from afar. I simply refused to allow myself to take the chance on her because she seemed so far out of my league. In hindsight, after listening to Gwen¡¯s words, that idea just seemed silly to me. Wouldn¡¯t I just die regretting never having spoken to her if I continued down that path?
¡°We¡¯re here.¡±
She was already stopped at the driveway to my house. I was so disoriented from everything that happened today that I had stopped paying attention to my surroundings.
¡°Right, thanks.¡±
¡°You¡¯ll be able to get in?¡±
¡°Yeah, Dad¡¯s home.¡±
She said nothing. I opened the car door then paused for a moment.
¡°I¡¯ll uh, I¡¯ll see you tomorrow then.¡±
¡°Whatever, just don¡¯t be late,¡± she said without looking my way.
I smiled and left her car. then watched her drive off into the distance. For as prickly as she seemed, Gwen Diaz had played the part of a caring person. Offering me that outlook might not change anything about my feelings right away, but I¡¯m sure that if I continued dwelling on it, then something should change. Not due to some supernatural power, but authentically, and over time.
I spun back to the familiar house and walked over to the door, my hands ruffling through my pockets in search of my key. I didn¡¯t actually need it since Dad was home, but I didn¡¯t want to bother him after his long day of work. Once I found it, I pulled it out and fit it squarely inside of the door. And as I did, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
What I found after turning around was almost as terrifying as seeing that deer earlier. The unmistakable figure of Zoey standing squarely in the driveway, with a playful look plastered across her face.
¡°Hey there.¡± She waved her hand as she continued flashing me her smiling face. However, it wasn¡¯t like her usual smile. Her mouth might have appeared joyful, but there was something about the look in her eyes, as if they weren¡¯t smiling at all. It was as if her gaze were stripping me bare, digging under my skin, piercing through the bone and muscle and blood and guts as if nothing about me deserved to be hidden from her. Why was she looking at me like that? What was she doing here? What did she know? What was she thinking?
I didn¡¯t know the answer to any of these questions. The only thing I knew for sure was that, for the first time in my life, I was terrified of the girl named Zoey Brahm.
Volume 2 Chapter 1 - VI
-???¡¯s POV-
I was summoned to a local gas station by an acolyte of the order. This particular fellow, odd duck that he is, has proven useful in the past due to his position as a local police officer. The facility sat comfortably on a hill, sandwiched between a quiet suburb and a road bustling with the busy movement of vehicles rushing to get into the downtown of Deer Valley. I do not usually take too kindly to being called upon by my acolytes while surveying the Deer Valley wood. The vast, luscious East Georgia wilderness has been my home for over ten years at this point. The joys of living off the land as the natives did, much like the times before the old continent¡¯s immigration, invigorate me with a sense of purpose that the concrete jungles of civilization could never hope to match. Hence, being called back to this world hanging by the puppeteer¡¯s strings of laws and labor felt the same as waking from a long, peaceful slumber.
There was a specific reason I had decided to live in the mountains near Deer Valley, however, and why I had come out of the woodwork to return to this accursed city today. There¡¯s a legend that¡¯s been passed down by the old Cralixi peoples who once inhabited these lands. They spoke of a great spirit that lives in Lake Irma, right where the South Carolina state line is drawn today. The tale states that the lake is a passage to the under and upper worlds where the spirits of living things reside. Supposedly, this great spirit serves as a guide for the dead. Truth be told, I¡¯d lived rather atheistically for the first fifteen or so years of my life, so stories such as these were like water off a duck¡¯s back to me. But that all changed when I visited the lake with my father one day.
¡°Hey, so uhm, can you make heads or tails of this, doctor?¡± The one before me who had mistaken me for a medical practitioner was an attractive middle-aged woman with reddish hair hanging down the sides of her face. Having been away from other people for about two months now, it was hard not to find myself fancying her. Whether it had been her extravagant, non-verbal mannerisms, or how well put together she appeared in the tight, black office skirt that highlighted the shape of her hips, I found myself tempted by her eloquence. A fine woman indeed. She sat with me in the backroom of the gas station as we glanced over the security tapes the owner had allowed us a look at.
¡°That night, I had this strange dream,¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯d visited this gas station, you see. And it was far more vivid than any dream I¡¯ve had in God knows how long. I woke up remembering every second of it.¡±
¡°The vividness of the dream depends on how much of an impact the imagery had on our subconscious,¡± I said, baiting her.
¡°No Doctor, that¡¯s not even the worst of it. See, my hip was screaming when I woke up that morning. It felt like I¡¯d hurt it the night before, but I had no recollection of ever doing so before going to bed. Then when I got up, I found that my slippers were covered in fresh dirt. I do think something strange happened to me that night. The boy at the counter I spoke to earlier said I had a conversation with him too, but¡ that couldn¡¯t be. I was definitely asleep that night, so it had to have been a dream, right? It was¡ the most bizarre... thing that¡¯s ever¡ I¡¯m sorry, are you picking your nose?¡±
¡°Hmm?¡± I caught myself with my index finger joint-deep into my right nostril and immediately pulled it out and wiped it over my pants. ¡°Oh, apologies dear. I was on vacation in nature for a while. I seem to have forgotten my etiquette.¡±
¡°Huh? Right. Anyway, about what I was saying¡ do you think I was sleepwalking?¡±
¡°Hmm, well¡¡± If this woman was telling the truth, then this would certainly be that phenomenon. I shifted in the doctor¡¯s coat I had put on earlier and stroked my chin. ¡°It seems like you were caught on camera here, so it is possible. How about the beer? Did you find it when you woke up?¡±
¡°Oh, no. I placed it in the yard when I got home. That¡¯s part of the reason I doubted myself. When I checked in the morning it wasn¡¯t there anymore.¡±
¡°Anyone else live at your place?¡±
¡°Just my daughter. She¡¯s still in high school.¡± She paused to ponder. ¡°Her car was the one I used, come to think of it. And her glasses, and her phone¡¡±
Judging by the information provided so far, it¡¯s extremely possible that that phenomenon is indeed what occurred. But if that is the case, for this daughter of hers to risk the power for the sake of something so trifling was almost comically ignorant. It¡¯s like she was asking to be caught. Either way, that changes nothing, I thought.. What I need to do now is to make absolutely certain that it really is the phenomenon.
¡°Well, I¡¯m all but certain I know what it is. But just to be sure, why don¡¯t we try a little test? Can you extend your hand for me?¡±
¡°My hand?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a medical examination. I¡¯m going to test for a certain reflex to see if this is what I think it is. Can you reach your palm out to me?¡±
¡°Oh, okay. Like this?¡±
She stretched her hand out in my direction.
¡°Yes, exactly.¡± I reached out and gently held onto her. ¡°Beautiful, not a wrinkle.¡±
¡°Uhm... isn¡¯t that the hand you were picking your nose with?¡±
¡°Oh no, it was the other one,¡± I said.
¡°I, I see...¡±
Satisfied with her response, I decided to shift back to the topic. ¡°I¡¯ll be feeling your hand now. If any strange sensation runs through your body, let me know immediately.¡±
¡°What kind of strange sensation, exactly?¡±
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¡°You¡¯ll know it if you feel it. It¡¯s sudden and powerful.¡±
¡°Right.¡±
She didn¡¯t appear too comfortable with the situation, but this method was absolutely necessary for finding out if what happened to her is related to the power. I closed my eyes and the world around me was filled with darkness. I allowed my consciousness to drift into a daydream while focusing my thoughts on the woman before me. Feeling her tender palm in my hands. Breathing in her scent. Imagining the red hair on her head and the paleness of her skin. The way the pajamas in the video clung tightly to her body. The raspy, soft voice that carried a hint of annoyance in it. I allowed myself to devour every aspect of this woman, almost to become her myself. In that moment, my existence was nothing but this woman.
And then¡
I felt my consciousness slip.
¡°Oh my god!!¡±
She yanked her hand away from me as my consciousness immediately returned to me.
¡°What did you just do?!¡± she shrieked.
¡°Ma¡¯am?¡±
Her face was contorted with shock. She stared down at me after jumping out of her seat in surprise, clasping her hand firmly.
¡°That was it! That¡¯s the feeling from my dream! What the hell was that? What did you just do?¡±
¡°Ma¡¯am, calm down. There¡¯s no need to worry.¡±
¡°What the fuck do you mean? That felt like a hot flash. My whole body¡¯s gone cold now! Feel it!¡±
She pulled my hand up to her neck. Sure enough, her body was chilled. At least, it certainly wasn¡¯t at 97.6.¡±
¡°It¡¯s okay, take it easy. That¡¯s normal for someone with your condition.¡±
¡°My condition? What kind of condition is that, exactly? Do I have cancer?¡±
Her distress had completely taken over the atmosphere of the room, but I did my best to remain cool.
¡°No ma¡¯am. Not that I¡¯m aware of. This is more uncommon than that. It¡¯s more of a¡ a sleep-related disorder.¡±
¡°Sleep-related?¡±
¡°First, I¡¯m going to need you to take a seat. There¡¯s no need to be panicked.¡± She glanced at me suspiciously at first, but after considering the situation, she eventually folded and returned to her chair. ¡°Ma¡¯am, I want you to be frank with me. There¡¯s something in your life that¡¯s stressing you out, isn¡¯t there? Something you¡¯re trying to avoid. Something that came up in that dream of yours. Your daughter, perhaps?¡±
¡°Well¡¡±
¡°I¡¯m not going to pry, as I¡¯m not a psychologist. But whatever it is that¡¯s hanging over you, you¡¯re going to have to confront it eventually. Otherwise, well, such things may continue to haunt you in the future.¡±
I pulled out a clipboard from my backpack along with a pen and began writing on a piece of paper.
¡°I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist for an official diagnosis. Here¡¯s a doctor I¡¯d recommend.¡±
I tore the paper out and handed it to her, studying her as she stared down at it with worried eyes after accepting it. ¡°Stress¡? That was stress?¡±
¡°Strange, isn¡¯t it? I spent my college years thinking that Freud and Jung and all of that were part of a 20th century quack science cabal, and now look at me. I meditate for thirty minutes every day just to do a better job at understanding myself and my place in life.¡±
¡°Oh, I see¡¡± she said, sounding unconvinced. ¡°I¡¯ll make an appointment, then Hopefully they can help me...¡±
¡°Right,¡± I said, not bothering to convince her.
If her daughter never possesses her again then she¡¯ll be fine, but who knows if that¡¯ll be the last of it? I¡¯ll need to find a way to get my hands on the girl before she does anything dangerous with that ability.
¡°Anyway, thanks a lot. I think I feel a little better now. Do you need my insurance card?¡±
At her words, I got up and slung my backpack over my shoulder after getting my belongings in order.
¡°No worries, this wasn¡¯t an official visit.¡±
¡°Please, let me pay you.¡±
¡°If you¡¯re that insistent then why don¡¯t you pay me with some of your time? Dinner at Bianca¡¯s Italian place sound good?¡±
She paused at my sudden proposal, then side-eyed me with a sly grin.
¡°Doctor, are you making a pass at me?¡±
¡°Call it a follow-up.¡± I handed her my card from my wallet.
¡°A follow-up then, Doctor Oliver¡ Wojciechowski? Oh, you¡¯re Polish?¡±
¡°My grandfather. He hopped on a boat and moved here immediately after the war.¡±
¡°I see. We¡¯re similar in that respect then.¡±
¡°Oh really? Would you mind telling me your name?¡±
¡°Carla Brahm, doctor. That¡¯s B-r-a-h-m.¡±
¡°Ah, German?¡±
¡°Why, yes.¡± She tucked her hair behind her ear and smirked. ¡°I hope that¡¯s not a problem.¡±
¡°Only if you hate beer.¡±
She laughed, then gestured at the security footage. ¡°You tell me.¡±
I shot her a smile, and she walked past me and towards the door that led to the convenience store area. ¡°I¡¯m busy tonight, but¡ Are you free tomorrow at 8, Mr. Wojciechowski?¡±
¡°I¡¯ll make the reservation right away, Mrs. Brahm.¡±
¡°Ms. Brahm,¡± she corrected me, before leaving into the gas station¡¯s store area.
Once she¡¯d left, I came out through the back and into an open space overlooking the highway below. I took a moment to reach into my pocket and unwrapped the protein bar I pulled out. Loathe as I am to admit it, there is something to the convenience of common items created through the cooperation of labor throughout civilization. Having lived off the land for so long now, I couldn¡¯t help but admire the ability to pick up something so tasty that also happened to be packed with important nutrients, and without any real effort of my own. But what about the people who created this bar of protein? Did they feel fulfilled manning the machines in that monotonous factory, day in and day out? Does the convenience of our society justify the soul-crushing, mind-numbing hours that it takes to maintain the wheel¡¯s turn?
¡°Great Proph- oh, uh¡ Dr. Wojciechowski?¡± The police officer who approached me from behind said as if remembering something. ¡°Was it related to the other spirit after all?¡±
¡°Hmm? Oh yes. This is an excellent lead. Thank you for the call.¡± I reached into my pocket and handed him five Benjamin Franklin-faced bills. ¡°And remember, no one at the order needs to hear about this. Not until we¡¯ve confirmed it.¡±
¡°Yeah, no prob,¡± he said, stuffing his pocket. ¡°I¡¯m glad I happened to catch wind of it though. Sam at the precinct was talking about it today. Some weird lady who was complaining about sleepwalking into the gas station. Sounded like the feeler you put out for the spirit so I came over here as quickly as I could. Thank God the clerk took her number though, or she might have been lost forever. But, if you don¡¯t mind me asking, what will you do once you find the host?¡±
I took a bite of my protein bar and checked my phone for the time. I decided that it was probably too late to catch her at school. I would have to stake out at her house.
¡°That,¡± I said, taking the time to swallow. ¡°Depends on the girl.¡±
¡°Uh, right. Well, if I hear anything else I¡¯ll let you know.¡±
¡°Good work.¡±
I took another bite of my bar and watched him leave. He got into his marked police vehicle that had clearly seen more than just a few years of service and drove off after a job well done. My vision immediately turned to the lurking shadowy figure above me that had manifested after my link with Carla. His deer-shaped skull hung just above my shoulder, like an angel of death about to take its next soul.
¡°Hey, old friend. We¡¯re finally going to meet your other half.¡±
Do not underestimate the other host.
I laughed. ¡°You¡¯re such a bore. Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll be fine.¡±
The spirit remained motionless, as it always was. It might not be quite so motionless for long though. After all, I finally found it after years of scouring the wilderness. Who could¡¯ve guessed that my search would lead me right back into the jaws civilization? It¡¯s just a miracle that she hasn¡¯t left town yet. If she¡¯d graduated high school and went to college in some other city, then the search would have been hopeless. But thankfully, none of these hypothetical worst-case scenarios matter now. I¡¯ve located it at last. The host of the other spirit is still in Deer Valley, and it¡¯s the daughter of Carla Brahm.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - I
Four days earlier, while Tristan was still suspended over his destruction of school property, Gwen Diaz took it upon herself to carry a knife into the photography club. It was a standard utility knife she had seized from the kitchen at home. Its sheath firmly clasped the blade as it rode along the inside of her jeans pocket. Her hand occasionally grazed over the imprint as if to convince herself that it was still there. Her reasons for carrying such a dangerous item were as clear as the spring days earlier in the year, back when she could still rain kisses onto the forehead of her beloved.
Her eyes never left the pale, vulnerable neck of Zoey Brahm. Not when the girl turned to navigate the computer¡¯s many images of homecoming activities, nor when she spoke to her close friend Krista, who had dragged Gwen to the photography club against her will, nor even when Jazmine tried as she could to make small talk with her to pass the time. All while the girl had been pretending to use her phone, both her mind and her eyes were consumed by the pink flesh of the girl before her.
¡°Oh, to hell with it. I don¡¯t even know why I¡¯m bothering with all of this!¡± Krista Klein, arms now flailed to her side in dismay, was laid back on the sofa with her legs rested neatly on Gwen¡¯s lap. ¡°Homecoming was just freaking terrible in every way imaginable. I just¡ God, everything Lawrence does makes me so mad!¡±
¡°Really? Everything?¡± Zoey responded, still focusing on gathering the pictures and videos for Krista. Gwen thought that the way the girl coasted on the edge of the conversation, taking no sides but keeping Krista in her good graces, was the mark of a skilled verbal manipulator. Gwen normally used this type of conversational technique when the other person was in a bad mood so that she could avoid attracting their ire, but Zoey did this constantly no matter who she was speaking to. It was her default mode: a method of conversation suited for someone with no backbone who wanted to be loved by everyone.
The thought that this was how Benjamin had been roped into falling for this girl only made her tighten her grip on the knife in her pocket. It was unfathomably irritating, and she found herself grinding her teeth while thinking about it. If I were ever asked for evidence that Zoey was a fraud who only played at being nice, she thought, then I would only ask that they speak to the girl in question and observe how she tried desperately to feign interest in whatever mundane nonsense she was fed. You could talk to her about paint drying and she¡¯d hype you up like you¡¯re a mumbling toddler. How could you not believe that she hated everyone deep down with a condescending attitude like that?
¡°God, Zoey you have no idea. He refused to opt out of the homecoming king vote. That like, totally made things awkward. And don¡¯t even get me started on how he ruined the big game.¡±
¡°He didn¡¯t play well, true, but wouldn¡¯t you say that it was Benjamin¡¯s fault?¡±
¡°No, it was Lawrence¡¯s for building a team around one player. We¡¯re in division one, we should be balanced enough to handle a joke team like the Otters. But after that big oaf got himself kicked out, the rest of the team played like a bunch of lost ants scrambling for cover. Captain of the basketball team? Yeah, right. Why don¡¯t you act like one and build a real team?¡±
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s fair.¡±
Gwen could only care less about Krista¡¯s dull vendetta against Lawrence if she was kidnapped and forced to at gun point. The game was obviously Benjamin¡¯s fault. She was the one who drugged him, so she knew as much. But facts were irrelevant to anything happening right now. Krista¡¯s anger towards her ex meant that her judgment was being fogged by spite and vitriol. It was all a poorly acted routine that Zoey was more than happy to go along with. She had no backbone of her own, after all. She would continue pretending that Krista was right for the sake of maintaining her phony friendship with the homecoming queen.
¡°By the way, could you write Enzo¡¯s contact information down here for me?¡± Zoey asked.
¡°Sure, but you¡¯re not gonna like, talk to him, are you?¡±
¡°Oh, no. Don¡¯t worry. Truth be told, I¡¯m seeing someone right now.¡±
¡°Huh?!¡± She pulled her legs off Gwen and back to the floor as her body bolted up in surprise. ¡°It¡¯s not that jerkwad Lawrence, is it? Because I swear to God, Zoey¡¡±
At the accusation, Zoey laughed. ¡°No, it¡¯s no one like that. I¡¯m not into those popular guy types.¡±
¡°Okay, okay.¡± Krista said, slinking back onto the sofa. ¡°Because honestly? I was about to lose all respect for you. And believe me, there¡¯s only a few people left at this dump worthy of any at all. God, I can¡¯t wait to move to New York.¡±
¡°Yeah, I get it. You must be really upset over that fight he got into with Enzo.¡±
¡°Wait, what fight?¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry. I thought you knew. I don¡¯t know any of the major details, just that it happened at the dance.¡±
She did not think that Krista knew. If Krista did know, she would have made a point of bringing it up when admonishing Lawrence earlier. She¡¯s just stirring things like she always does, Gwen thought.
¡°Well, thanks for telling me, I guess. I¡¯ll have to ask Enzo about it. Was it a big fight?¡±
¡°I heard they got broken up before anything happened.¡±
Still though, what did she mean that she was seeing someone? Was she talking about Tristan? Was she dating Tristan? Gwen could only speculate as much, but thought it had to be a joke. Tristan himself told Gwen that Zoey didn¡¯t love him, so what was the point of her dating him? Was it just another manipulation tactic? No matter how much Gwen tried to make sense of it, she couldn¡¯t think of anything. Just what did she see in Tristan that made her want to submit her reputation to his?
¡°Hey, I¡¯ve gotta jet,¡± Jazmine suddenly interjected. ¡°You¡¯ve got it from here, right Zoey?¡±
¡°Yeah. I¡¯ll see you tomorrow Jaz.¡±
¡°See ya later, alligator.¡±
Gwen had stopped listening to the conversation going on around her at that point. Her eyes were still trained on the neck that seemed to be taunting her as the two continued to converse. She had been in a trance. She couldn¡¯t say how much time had gone by as she stared, hypnotized by the flesh. Visceral images of blood oozing down that neck of hers permeated her vision. She was entranced by the thought. The urge was building up within her. While she might not have understood anything that had been occurring in her surroundings, there was no denying the fact that Gwen Diaz wanted to kill Zoey Brahm. The heated blood coursing through the little tubes in her body had been screaming as much.
Kill her.
Gouge her stupid cunt eyes out.
She ruined your relationship with the best guy you¡¯ll ever meet in your life.
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She¡¯s the reason he hasn¡¯t responded to any of your texts or calls since Friday.
She¡¯s the reason he avoided you all day.
It¡¯s her fault.
She doesn¡¯t deserve to live.
The adrenaline was putting her brain into overdrive.
¡°Gwen?¡±
And then it ran cold.
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°Krista already left,¡± Zoey said. ¡°Is there something you needed from me?¡±
She looked around and realized that both Krista and Jazmine had, in fact, disappeared from the clubroom. She was in such a daze that she hadn¡¯t realized that her friend had ditched her in this room with the lunatic who ruined her relationship with Benjamin. Why would she do something like that?
However, before she could offer Zoey a response, she felt the sheathed blade pressing against her thigh from the inside of her pocket. Surely, this was the perfect opportunity to do it. She could rid the world of this creature in one move. It was far too perfect an opportunity to ignore. Gwen thought that the sound of Zoey gasping for air as the blood gushed from her neck would probably cause her to spill from excitement.
¡°Gwen?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh¡ uh, what¡¯s your relationship with Tristan?¡±
She was so lost in thought that she ended up blurting out the first thing that came to her mind.
¡°He¡¯s in love with me,¡± she said as if it were a matter of fact. Her confidence in answering had once again thrown Gwen off her center.
¡°Huh? W-well obviously,¡± Gwen said. ¡°But like¡ You guys seem close, so I was just wondering if you two were actually a thing or something. Or if he was the real reason you called it off with Ben¡¡±
Just saying the words made Gwen want to throw her lunch up. Even acknowledging Zoey¡¯s relationship with Ben felt dirty. But she had to admit, she was curious. Was her mind genuinely changed, or was she just messing with Gwen when she agreed with her to break it off when they argued a week ago?
¡°I will admit that Tristan was the real reason, but it isn¡¯t because he convinced me into entering that kind of relationship with him. He just happened to convince me that compromising wasn¡¯t what I wanted deep down. I respect him for that, so I¡¯ve been getting to know him ever since.¡±
Zoey¡¯s answer bothered Gwen. It sounded like an answer she¡¯d rehearsed in front of the mirror every morning as she waited for the moment the question would be poised her way. The truth is, however, it didn¡¯t matter what the actual reason was. It didn¡¯t change the fact that she was a con artist. She duped Ben into falling in love with her, then left him out to dry when he no longer interested her. And now, for whatever reason, she was running a new con on Tristan. Swindling came naturally to this person, and Gwen knew it. And since con artists can¡¯t live without swindling, then perhaps leaving her to bleed out on the floor like cattle would end up being a net positive for the world.
¡°Speaking of Tristan,¡± Zoey said, dragging Gwen back to reality. ¡°Could you do me a favor and keep an eye on him when he gets back from his suspension?¡±
¡°Huh? Why would I do that?¡±
¡°You don¡¯t think you owe it to him?¡±
¡°Uh, no,¡± Gwen said. ¡°You must be misunderstanding something. We might have helped each other out at the game, sure, but it¡¯s not like we¡¯re best fucking friends or anything.¡±
¡°No, this concerns you too,¡± Zoey said, rhythmically stroking a loose bang of hair in front of her face. ¡°Warren saw you swap the drinks.¡±
The hot blood in Gwen¡¯s veins had, for the second time, chilled in her veins.
¡°You¡¯re lying.¡± Gwen had already convinced herself as much the second the words left Zoey¡¯s lips. But was she really? Warren was always unusually perceptive. Even Gwen was aware of that much.
¡°Unfortunately, I¡¯m not. He confronted me about it at the dance. It seems like he was convinced that I was the one who manipulated you into doing it.¡±
¡°And you weren¡¯t? Maybe Tristan was just the middleman.¡±
¡°Well, it doesn¡¯t matter what the truth is. He thinks I¡¯m the one who made you do it, and Tristan has no idea that Warren knows. So again, I need you to protect Tristan. Make sure Warren doesn¡¯t get him to say anything that could implicate us.¡±
¡°¡ I don¡¯t get it. Why not just tell him that Warren knows?¡±
¡°Because, out of the three of us, he¡¯s the only one who¡¯s, ironically enough, too dumb to play dumb.¡± She gave off what sounded like a chuckle but became sigh halfway through the exhale. ¡°Tristan wouldn¡¯t be able to maintain the lie on his own. He needs at least one intelligent person to act on his behalf so that we don¡¯t get to the point where he¡¯s forced to lie. He¡¯ll crumble under the pressure if it gets to that point, so the both of us need to look out for him.¡±
¡°I mean I get it, but¡¡± The subtle praise was like a shot of cool pop on a hot summer day. For all her problems with Zoey, she never once thought the girl was a fool. So to be called intelligent by her¡ no. She wouldn¡¯t let herself be taken in by the compliment. She had steeled herself for this moment, after all. And yet that denial is what prevented her from realizing that the spider had already caught her in the web she¡¯d spun. ¡°But wait, if Warren knows what I did then why hasn¡¯t he said anything yet?¡±
¡°Because he cares about his friends.¡±
The splinter between Ben and Gwen was destined to implode their group. Every one of them knew it. Lawrence, Penny, and even the socially stunted Warren did. And so, in an effort to prevent their group from tearing itself apart, he had decided to withhold the information.
¡°That idiot¡ Things are already ruined anyway. Ben¡¯s not going to date me even if he shuts his mouth.¡±
¡°He¡¯s not?¡±
¡°What the fuck? Of course not. He was¡. He was obsessed with you! How am I supposed to¡¡±
Words of insecurity spilled from her lips so easily that she was forced to grit her teeth in frustration. She knew that she couldn¡¯t compete with Zoey. The difference between them was so great that she ended up saying it out loud, almost as if bringing it to life. She was the girl that every guy at Deer Valley High wished they could have. Popular, smart, attractive beyond what a girl her age should be. Trying to match that unattainable standard only made her want to rip her hair out at the roots.
¡°I think you two could get together again.¡±
¡°Yeah fucking right. He hasn¡¯t answered a call or text in days. He¡¯s barely spoken a word to me today either.¡±
¡°Have you tried apologizing to him?¡±
¡°What? For what? I didn¡¯t do anything wrong¡ not that he knows of, anyway.¡±
¡°No, but it¡¯s what he wants to hear right now more than anything. You¡¯re attractive, and you¡¯re devoted to him, sure. But you¡¯ve been far too unapproachable this past week. You act like a rabid dog that has plans to bite his head off. What he wants right now is a woman that he can rely on to comfort him. Just appeal to his masculine side in his time of need. If you do that, then no man sane or not could say no to someone like you after having his heart broken.¡±
¡°So, you¡¯re saying I should just apologize and comfort him?¡±
¡°If you really want to get back together with him.¡±
She wasn¡¯t completely sold. To try again only to be rejected would destroy her, and she was more deeply aware of that than she cared to admit to herself. But the possibility of reliving the love she¡¯d experienced during the early years of their relationship was enough to inspire her to try again. After all, if there was anyone who would know how to win Ben¡¯s heart, it¡¯s Zoey. She decided then that she would meet up with him again first thing tomorrow and try again.
¡°Okay, I¡¯ll try that then,¡± Gwen said.
¡°And one more thing.¡±
¡°What now?¡±
Zoey handed her a scrap of paper.
¡°If something goes wrong for you, whether it¡¯s with Warren or Ben, call me. I¡¯ll lend you a hand.¡±
Gwen accepted the paper hesitantly, staring at the 10-digit number that almost seemed to mock her.
¡°Why are you trying to help me?¡±
¡°You don¡¯t trust me, and I don¡¯t trust you. But we¡¯re in this together. If what happens at homecoming gets out...¡± She pulled her thumb across her throat and clicked her teeth. ¡°Which is why I think it would be best if we looked out for each other.¡±
Gwen hated to admit it, but she wasn¡¯t wrong. Warren learning about the incident had been a gargantuan shadow that she would have to live under for the rest of the year. It was a miracle that he hadn¡¯t already told Ben. But that line of thinking had drawn a sudden conclusion out of Gwen.
¡°You want me to date Ben again so Warren won¡¯t tell him the truth.¡±
Zoey shrugged. The girl had it figured out, so there was no use lying.
¡°It benefits both of us. Besides, I know you¡¯ll succeed.¡±
¡°Right¡¡± Gwen sighed, no longer willing to put up a fight. ¡°I really hate you. I want you to know that.¡±
¡°And here I thought we were finally starting to get along.¡±
It was a condescending jest, accompanied by her usual smile. The same smile that had entranced Ben, Tristan, and so many others before them. But even still, there was nothing left to be said to the girl. They had signed a peace treaty. Gwen would get her Benjamin back, and Warren wouldn¡¯t blow their lives up with the truth. The bittersweet meeting had finally come to a close as Gwen shot her one last look before leaving through the door. It was an amicable enough parting for the two girls considering their history, but it had at least given Gwen a path to Ben¡¯s heart. In fact, she had already begun deliberating more on this new approach moments after she went out on her own, so much so that she had completely forgotten about the blade that was tucked away in her jeans pocket.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - II
¡°Zoey? I-uh, what are you doing here?¡±
¡°Hmm? Do I need permission to check on my property?¡±
¡°Your...?¡±
¡°That¡¯s what you said, isn¡¯t it?¡± She tilted her head. ¡°¡®I¡¯m yours¡¯.¡±
I could feel my face burning up.
¡°Y-yeah, but...¡±
My mind was going a million miles a minute.
Why was she here?
What did she want with me?
Did she see Gwen?
Does she think I¡¯m going behind her back about something?
What if someone sees her here?
¡°But?¡±
But.
Before I could formulate a sentence, the sound of the door creaking open behind me provided another unfortunate shock of tension to my nervous system. I was dangerously close to short-circuiting.
¡°Son?¡±
I turned around and found my dad¡¯s eyes already shifting between myself and Zoey, who hadn¡¯t stopped smiling since she¡¯d arrived. How was I supposed to talk my way out of this one? As my brain once again scrambled to concoct a sentence, any sentence, to put an end to the anxiety that was building up around me, the girl behind me opened her mouth to speak.
¡°Hey, dad.¡±
¡°¡±Dad?¡±¡±
We both turned to her in shock.
¡°Uh, Son. Is this your girlfriend?¡± he asked.
¡°I-¡±
¡°I am.¡±
She wrapped her arms around mine.
¡°You¡¯re the movie dad he always talks about, right?¡± she asked. ¡°Nice to meet you. My name¡¯s Zoey.¡±
I felt her scent cling to me tightly as her silky hair brushed against my shoulder, as if each strand were trying on its own to seduce me. My face went from burning as hot as a furnace to a volcano in the midst of an eruption. I marveled at how soft her body felt as she held onto me. I¡¯d revered and worshiped this person for three years now, but finally having this much physical intimacy with her reminded me that, despite that reverence, she is still as fragile as a glass vase.
¡°Oh, huh. Well, my reputation precedes me. Nice to meet you¡ huh. He never told me he had such a... beautiful¡ Honey? Honey, you¡¯re never going to believe this!¡±
He retreated inside frantically as if the Falcons had just scored the winning touchdown at the Superbowl, leaving the two of us out with the door wide open. The silence was almost as heavy as her arms wrapped around mine. The surprising thing to me, however, was learning that mom was also home. With how late she usually worked these days, her unusually early return was evidence enough to me that Murphy¡¯s law was in full motion today.
¡°Aren¡¯t you going to invite me in, boyfriend?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh.¡± My index scratched at my now assumedly red face as I donned a drunkard¡¯s smile. ¡°So uh, what is this? Are we dating now?¡±
¡°Are we?¡± She tilted her head forward and leaned over to glance at my face. ¡°I think what we have is probably much deeper than that. Don¡¯t you agree?¡±
¡°Completely.¡± There was no point in trying to make sense of it. Whatever it was that Zoey thought we were, I was all for it if it meant being this close to her all the time. ¡°Uhm, come on in.¡±
She let go of my arm, much to my dismay, as I led her into the house.
Once inside, the sound of a news report filled the living space from the television set. Supposedly, an arrest had been made regarding the recent robberies that had been plaguing Deer Valley as of late, and the guy was supposedly a member of a certain cult. There were rumors about something like that forming ever since I was a kid, but I chose to ignore it as something that wouldn¡¯t affect me personally. If they were going around robbing people though, then I suppose that there was some worry that they¡¯d come for us next. I could only hope that the police investigation would gain some ground before that happens.
¡°Welcome Zoey.¡± Dad said, standing next to my mom who was washing some vegetables in the kitchen sink. ¡°We haven¡¯t heard anything about you before. Tristan¡¯s mouth is more guarded than Fort Knox when it comes to his school life.
¡°Oh,¡± mom said, turning to face her finally. ¡°She really is gorgeous. Are you sure she¡¯s our Tristan¡¯s girlfriend?¡±
¡°Now come on hon, our son is a good-looking kid. Have some more faith in him. Though, I don¡¯t know if he¡¯s quite THAT good looking¡¡±
¡°Oh my god, please just kill me,¡± I muttered. Any existential dread that I was experiencing earlier had vanished without a trace. If a gunman suddenly walked in and decided to decorate the walls with my splattered brain, I¡¯d consider it a kindness.
¡°C-come in. Are you thirsty? I can grab you a drink from the fridge,¡± I said to her, trying to ignore them.
¡°Water¡¯s fine, thanks.¡±
I led her to the dining table where she took a seat then I rushed over to get her some water in the kitchen area next to the dining table.
¡°So!¡± My father said, clapping his hands together from the other side of the counter. ¡°What brings you over, Zoey? Are you two on a date today?¡±
¡°Oh, nothing like that. We¡¯re just studying before the weekend. We¡¯re in the same world history class.¡±
¡°World history, huh? That¡¯s a fun one. Who¡¯s your favorite historical figure?¡±
¡°Dad, what kind of question is that?¡± I asked.
¡°Hmmm, Che Guevara, maybe? We have the same birthday, so I¡¯ve always been kind of interested in him.¡±
¡°Oh really? When¡¯s that?¡±
¡°June fourteenth. Kind of far away from now, but at least no one can plead ignorance anymore,¡± she said, staring back at me. I pretended not to understand what she was implying. Instead, I placed the glass of water in front of her then sat on the opposite side of her.
¡°Tristan, why¡¯re you all the way over there?¡± Dad asked. ¡°Go sit next to your girlfriend.¡±
The comment produced a playful smile on Zoey¡¯s face.
¡°Oh Tristan, it¡¯s so lonely over here all by myself. Won¡¯t you come keep me company?¡± She reeled back slightly and placed the back of her hand over her forehead like some kind of distressed damsel.
¡°You guys¡¡±
I couldn¡¯t help but feel like I had been ambushed. I wasn¡¯t at all mentally prepared to suddenly have Zoey meet my parents like this. It also bothered me that the two of them were so in sync with their verbal teasing, but protesting it would only make me look weaker than I already did. For the time being, I decided to acquiesce to their jokes and sat next to her.
¡°Still¡ Che Guevara huh? Is there anything besides his birthday that drew you to liking him? He was very anti-America, you know.¡±
¡°Oh, I don¡¯t like him. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s possible to like a man I¡¯ve never met before. But I am in love with the idea of him. A revolutionary spirit who stopped at nothing to bring the freedom he believed in to other peoples. He fought across the world against what he perceived to be a gargantuan empire of evil, and even succeeded on some accounts in breaking those chains. While I do love the concept of America, I¡¯m willing to acknowledge that the country has made its own poor choices that led to the creation of people like him, so it¡¯s not like I fault him for any of it.¡±
¡°Hmm, wow Tristan. Your girlfriend sure is a thinker.¡±
¡°Yeah, dad. She really is.¡± I looked away, completely uninterested in their conversation. This all just needed to end, and the thought of adding gas to the fire terrified me.
¡°By the way, on the topic of overthrowing governments, I have a question for you two,¡± she said.
¡°Oh boy,¡± Dad said, sitting at the opposite end of the table while rubbing his hands together, which caused me to tense up out of sheer embarrassment. ¡°That¡¯s one way to start a conversation. Okay, lay it on me.¡±
¡°Okay. Here¡¯s the situation. You¡¯re tasked with taking over the USA and molding it into a perfect dictatorship underneath your command. However, you only have the time and manpower to seize one institution of the country. As in, you could control anybody within the country and everyone around them within their field would listen to them, and by extension you, unquestionably. Which institution do you think would grant you the most influence over America?¡±
A U.S civics question, no doubt probing for practical use of Dream Paralysis to take over the U.S government. Just how bold-faced was she when it came to discussing her plans of world domination anyway? Though that aside, I hated that class with every fiber of my soul. It wasn¡¯t particularly difficult, I just couldn¡¯t care less about politics. Every time it¡¯s discussed, it always devolves into passionate arguing between people who claim to know what¡¯s best for everyone, despite how unsympathetic and cruel they all seem to be when they discuss it. I can¡¯t imagine finding it in me to spend my life trying to sound smarter than other people over something like that. And yet, Zoey had posed the question, so I found myself regretting my unwillingness to explore it.
¡°Uh, I would try to control the president. Wouldn¡¯t I control the entire government then?¡± I shrugged.
They both looked at me with disappointment in their eyes.
¡°Tristan, the president can¡¯t actually do anything domestically without Congress,¡± dad corrected me. ¡°He¡¯s a part of the executive branch. His job is to sign bills in place. If the rest of congress doesn¡¯t agree with you, then in a lot of ways you¡¯re kind of just a figurehead.¡±
¡°Oh whatever.¡± I pouted. ¡°What would you do then?¡±
¡°The banks. America is run on money. Control the banks, control Wall Street, and suddenly you have control over the economy, the population, and by extension, the government.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s not a bad answer, but it¡¯s too risky,¡± Zoey said. ¡°The economy is unpredictable. Something that happens halfway across the world could affect global trade like wars or sanctions on goods, and suddenly you¡¯re preoccupied with bailing the population out with stimulus while minimizing inflation. And you¡¯d have to worry about enemies of the US trying to strip away our reserve currency status too. You¡¯ll be spending your time trying to rodeo a rabid bull rather than controlling the country.¡±
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
I nodded along without understanding much of the word salad I¡¯d just been assailed by. Really, I just wanted to change the topic, but I don¡¯t think Zoey would appreciate that very much, so I instead decided to take a sideline and listen along.
¡°You know you say that, but there¡¯s no other answer to the question,¡± dad said. ¡°Unless you¡¯ve thought of one yourself?¡±
¡°The Supreme Court,¡± she said.
¡°Ooh,¡± dad rubbed his chin. ¡°Not bad.¡±
¡°Huh? The court?¡± I asked. ¡±Why?¡±
¡°Well son, as you know, the constitution is the founding document of the U.S that dictates the rules by which we govern ourselves. You can¡¯t change the structure of the government or create any laws that go against said document. However, the founding fathers aren¡¯t alive, so it¡¯s not like we can ask them what they meant when they wrote certain things. That¡¯s what the judicial branch exists for: to interpret that document. And if you stack the court with people who completely agree with you, then who knows what kinds of crazy roundabout interpretations of that document you could come up with? You could probably get away with making the president a real dictator if you wanted to!¡±
I turned to Zoey, who seemed to be smiling at having her logic approved. She brought this up for a reason, didn¡¯t she? Packing the court to take control of the U.S government? No, she wouldn¡¯t even need to pack it. With Dream Paralysis, she could easily find a way to control them into doing as she pleased. I had initially thought that she was just joking, but was she serious about taking over the world?
¡°Mm, that¡¯s the general idea. I think that power in the U.S is separated quite fairly among institutions, but at the end of the day the courts are the ones that effectively run the country.¡±
¡°But Zoey, you run into one little problem there,¡± dad said. ¡°Supreme Court justices can be impeached by the house if they¡¯re believed to be acting in bad faith. And when that happens, there¡¯ll be a senate trial. So even if your logic holds, and you could technically change the shape of the country, congress can and will hold the courts accountable.¡±
¡°Oh, really? I didn¡¯t think about that.¡± She paused to think for a moment. ¡°If that is the case then I suppose that makes sense. Answer me this though: who puts members of congress into D.C?¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯d be the voters.¡±
¡°And who informs the voters?¡±
¡°The media.¡±
I was having a hard time following their conversation. The civics class I took was a long time ago, and it was the furthest thing from my mind at that point. And it wasn¡¯t just because the subject matter was difficult to follow. It was because Zoey had been rubbing her leg gently against mine for the past minute. The blood rushing to my lower half was making it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything but the feeling of our calves grinding against each other through my pants fabric.
¡°Right, the media. So, what do you think?¡± she asked. ¡°Would the media be a better answer than the courts?¡±
¡°No, not long term. Young people don¡¯t really watch mainstream news anymore. Maybe right now it¡¯d work since older generations who vote the most are glued to their televisions, but even most of my friends get their news from Facebook these days. Controlling the news is slowly going to lose its power as the years go by thanks to individual creators on social media.
¡°Precisely. But social media apps like those can be banned via the courts.¡±
Her hand reached down to rest itself gently on my upper thigh. The creature between my legs was about to explode. She was mere inches away from coming into contact with it, and she was boldly holding this posture right in front of my dad. I was being taunted and toyed with by this girl, and I loved every second of it.
¡°Are you saying you¡¯d use the court to stifle the media then?¡±
¡°Precisely. Pincer the system from both ends; the courts and the people. From there you can create a version of congress that bends to your authoritarian whims.¡±
When she said the word pincer, I felt her hand glide along my thigh, up and down, similarly in rhythm to how the leg that was currently glued to mine had been moving earlier.
¡°Wow, my son certainly has a scary girlfriend. I¡¯d hate to see you with that much power.¡±
¡°I¡¯ll take that as a compliment.¡±
Her fingers were gliding along my thing now. It was the gentlest touch, her tips curving along my length through the fabric of my pants, almost as if she were prepping me for something. I felt a warmth in my body that I couldn¡¯t control. It was making my breathing more erratic.
Zoey Brahms fingers¡ it wasn¡¯t her whole hand, but she was still touching it. She was touching my¡
¡°Well, what do you think, Tristan?¡±
The moment my father said my name, I jerked in my seat. Zoey¡¯s hand left my side when she felt the sudden movement.
¡°Huh? Oh¡ uh, to be honest, I don¡¯t really know much about politics. I¡¯m still surprised to learn that the president doesn¡¯t do much when he¡¯s all they ever talk about on the news.¡±
¡°The president actually does a lot, Tristan. He¡¯s the commander-in-chief of the U.S armed forces, and he¡¯s also the one who decides what gets signed into law. Because of that, he serves as a sort of voice that rallies members of congress on board with major legislation. But for the purposes of making the U.S a dictatorship, the seat doesn¡¯t do very much on its own.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
¡°Honey?¡± Mom called from the kitchen. ¡°The car needs some gas. Can you take it around to the gas station while I¡¯m doing my grocery shopping?¡±
¡°Huh? But I¡¯m having so much fun with Tristan and Zoey.¡±
¡°Honey?¡±
She wore a smile that communicated clearly, at least to me and dad, that she wasn¡¯t exactly asking to be accompanied.
¡°I¡¡± he sighed. ¡°Okay, fine.¡± He got up and walked over to the kitchen counter to get his stuff. ¡°Well, good luck studying then, kiddos. We¡¯ll be back in a jiffy.¡±
¡°See you in a bit, kids!¡±
We said our goodbyes and the two of them left the house to drive off to the grocery store. With one order from my mom, it was now just the two of us in here. We sat in silence initially. Myself, stewing in the shame of how aroused I had been earlier, and Zoey, wearing her usual smile, just glancing around the room with her head propped up on her hand. For me, breaking the silence seemed a monumental task after experiencing the fever dream that was the last ten minutes. I had to admire just how comfortable she felt after throwing herself into strange situations such as that one.
After a minute or two of bathing in my house¡¯s atmosphere, however, she decided to get up to grab a banana from the nearby fruit basket. Leaning against the counter and staring back at me, she chose to deliberately pick off pieces from the fruit and toss them into her mouth.
¡°I have to say Tristan, your parents seem like nice people.¡±
¡°I¡¯m so embarrassed.¡± My face fell to my palms.
¡°No need to be. I like them. They¡¯re interesting.¡±
¡°Well, okay...¡±
I wasn¡¯t brave enough to say that it was her bold activities beneath the table that had really thrown me off. If she wasn¡¯t going to bring it up, then I wouldn¡¯t either. Besides, it was time to stop beating around the bush.
¡°Why did you come over?¡± I asked.
¡°Why? Well, I just happened to see something interesting on my way to my car earlier and I felt a little curious.¡± She pushed off from the counter and paced herself over to the table, then leaned over the chair my dad had previously been seated at to face me. ¡°Is that a problem?¡±
¡°What¡ what did you see?¡±
¡°Hmm, I wonder?¡±
There was no room for misinterpretation. She was talking about me and Gwen. I suddenly felt guilty over it.
¡°Listen, Zoey-¡±
She silenced me by reaching over and placing a finger over my lips.
¡°You don¡¯t have to make excuses. I was just curious about what she wanted with you, that¡¯s all.¡±
She removed her finger, as if beckoning me to answer for my crimes.
¡°Oh¡¡± I acted like I understood, but truth be told, I wasn¡¯t sure if she was actually fine with it or not. Lying probably wouldn¡¯t do me any favors, however, so I decided that it would be best to come clean. ¡°She invited me to the mall tomorrow with the rest of her friends. For her birthday.¡±
¡°Really? She did that?¡±
¡°Why do you sound so surprised¡?¡±
She giggled. ¡°No reason. So, who counts as her friends, exactly?¡±
¡°Lawrence, Naomi, Penny, Warren, and¡ Ben.¡±
¡°That¡¯s quite the ensemble.¡±
I scratched my head. ¡°Should I have turned her down?¡±
¡°No, I think it¡¯ll be fine. Maybe a little tense, but you should come out of it okay.¡±
¡°But¡ but what if Ben starts grilling me about you? About... us¡ I mean, I joined your club now. There¡¯s no way he¡¯s gonna be quiet about it.¡±
¡°Then you lie. Deny and lie like you¡¯ve been doing for the past two weeks. They have nothing, Tristan. Only Gwen does, and she¡¯s complicit, so she¡¯ll be more of an asset than a liability. It would be bad if anything came out after all, so she¡¯ll probably do her best to help you out.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
At my hesitation, she grinned.
¡°Do you hate the idea of hanging out with other people your age that much?¡±
I held my tongue. Was she right? Was I that much of an unsociable person? Hanging out with the popular kids is everyone¡¯s idea of a great high school life. Why was I not jumping at the opportunity presented before me? Gwen herself invited me, so it¡¯s not like anything bad would happen if I went with them.
Once she took the final bite of the banana, she tossed the peel at me, forcing me to clumsily catch it.
¡°Besides, the sooner you get it over with, the sooner we can move onto phase 2 of learning about your power.¡±
¡°Phase¡ 2?¡±
She took a sip of her water.
¡°What you did last week. You weren¡¯t just controlling him, were you? You were lying there dormant. Like a spy. Waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.¡± She realized it. ¡°That¡¯s how you knew I¡¯d caught Gwen red-handed, right? You were inside of someone¡ Benjamin, or Gwen herself. Am I wrong?¡±
¡°No, you¡¯re right.¡± I couldn¡¯t deny it. As always, her powers of observation were not to be trifled with. Since Ben didn¡¯t complain about losing control of his body, she probably realized that it had to have been the only conclusion.
¡°You know, this opens up a lot of possibilities. For people we could spy on¡ Learning the deepest, dirtiest secrets of anyone we wanted to.¡±
¡°Yeah¡¡± I didn¡¯t quite care to learn about anyone¡¯s secrets other than Zoey¡¯s, but I wouldn¡¯t go as far as to use Dream Paralysis to pry them out of her. However, if letting her use me meant that more things like what happened underneath the dinner table were in my future, then I was all for it. ¡°What do you want me to do then?¡±
¡°There¡¯s someone I want you to hack tomorrow night.¡±
¡°Tomorrow night? Sure, but who?¡±
Was it going to be someone from the mall trip? Ben or Gwen? Maybe even Lawrence? I couldn¡¯t be sure, but it had to have been. There was no one else I thought she¡¯d be interested in.
¡°Lawrence¡¯s sister.¡±
¡°Lawrence¡¯s¡ sister? You mean Laura?¡±
¡°Oh, you know her?¡±
¡°Yeah, she was¡¡±
¡°She was¡?¡±
She shot me an accusatory glance, as if she knew that I was about to compliment her looks. Laura Young. The angel who never smiled. For as kind and thoughtful as she was, she had the most unapproachable face at school. A twisted combination of almost intimidating beauty and inhuman stoicism was the mask that she wore. Why had she never smiled? No one knew. At least, neither Lawrence nor Laura had taken the time to tell anyone as far as I know. And yet everyone practically worshipped her. If I didn¡¯t already have Zoey Brahm in my heart, I could have easily seen myself falling for her. However, I wouldn¡¯t dare admit that out loud to the girl before me.
¡°Uh, well¡ she was a kind person,¡± I said finally.
¡°To a fault, yes. She was often taken advantage of by other students, financially and even going as far as to have her do their homework. If it weren¡¯t for Lawrence and the influence he was able to exert over the seniors in the basketball team, she would have been a feast for the vultures. Thankfully though, she was protected by their watchful eyes until her graduation.¡±
I had no idea that something like that had happened at our school. I¡¯d always just thought that she was kind, but people were taking advantage of that kindness? It pained my heart to see what the world did to people like Laura. Perhaps that¡¯s why she wore that joyless expression all the time. It was the only way to protect herself from predators like them.
¡°But why did you want me to hack her?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think the ¡®why¡¯ particularly matters now, does it? I said that I want it done. Is there a problem with that?¡±
¡°Is she in trouble?¡±
¡°No more than anyone else I know.¡±
For some reason, she seemed to be irritated by my existence. After she answered my question, she suddenly shifted to pick her belongings up then walked to the door.
¡°Zoey¡?¡±
Her manner of speaking felt like the cold winter had invaded my parents¡¯ living room. A candle whose flame had burned out. That was the impression I got from her. Like the energy she¡¯d previously been emitting was gone in a puff.
¡°Why did you use other people at the homecoming game?¡±
¡°Other¡?¡± I paused, before realizing that she was talking about Ollie and Linda. ¡°I¡ it was the best I could do.¡±
¡°Gwen, Ollie, Linda. At least you had the foresight to disguise yourself from the latter two. But why get them involved at all?¡± Ollie only got involved because she sat next to me, I wanted to say. But how could I possibly tell her that? Would she even take that kind of antagonism well when she seemed to be in such a foul mood? ¡°Never mind. Just let me know what kind of things you find out about Laura.¡± She held out her hand, and a small object glistened in the light. ¡°Here¡¯s your reward.¡±
¡°My reward?¡±
¡°Regardless of how messy it was, you did your job last week.¡±
I accepted the key she was holding out and inspected it carefully.
¡°What is it?¡±
¡°It¡¯s for the photography club. That¡¯s a copy I made without the school knowing. You can use it for whatever you want.¡±
¡°But¡ isn¡¯t this yours?¡±
She shrugged. ¡°I can just make another one. Not like they¡¯ll ever know.¡±
Without saying much else, she stepped through the door and closed it without even bothering to look back.
The sound of the lock clicking in place when I turned the knob was the final bell that signaled the end of my long day. Staring down at the key she gave me, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder about the direction I was headed in. Was there something about Laura that troubled her? I didn¡¯t know, and I probably never would. Not if she left without saying a word like that. All I could do was stare at that door. It taunted me. I was soaking in the vibrations of its laughter from the floor beneath my feet. It was amused by how hopelessly in love I was with someone incapable of love. She¡¯d come clean about it last week, didn¡¯t she? I was just convenient to her. It¡¯s been a week since homecoming, so I might have romanticized our relationship since we¡¯d been apart. But with this, I was greeted by a second rude awakening. So why am I keeping myself attached to her?
It¡¯s because I love her more than life itself. The only reason I¡¯m still breathing right now is because of her, in more ways than one. She¡¯s my sun. My entire existence is predicated on her radiance. So regardless of how self-destructive it is, I can only move forward. Is this how Gwen feels? Is my perspective of her one-sided love with Benjamin just me staring into a mirror and viewing my own hopeless affliction?
I didn¡¯t know the answer to that question. But I knew that I had a job tomorrow evening, and I would deal with it for the sake of whatever reward she was going to offer me. But for the time being, I needed to deal with the mess my premature lower half had painted on the insides of my underwear.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - III
-Zoey''s POV-
It was an institution founded in the 1800s, yet the campus had blended 21st century modernity so naturally with the antiquated buildings sprawling the campus that I almost wished I could shake the hand of the designer who crafted it. Deer Valley State University. For a city that sat within comfortable driving distance of some of Georgia¡¯s giants, one would assume that competing for students would prove difficult. However, this college happens to be a popular institute due to its convenient location in East Georgia, sitting directly between both Columbia, South Carolina and Atlanta, Georgia.
There were cobblestone pathways sprawling out over the entirety of the campus that students could comfortably walk to navigate past the now pigmented greenery that enveloped the grounds, all to the sound of gushing water coming from the large fountain statue which sat at the front of the main building.
Students were bustling up and about, chatting with one another, either hanging out on some of the benches scattered about, or heading over to and from the parking area. I heard laughter as one girl stood more than a few feet away from myself, chatting with a group of friends over something amusing that had occurred earlier in the week. My first impression was that it was a gorgeous, lively campus that would fill any young student with wonder at the beginning of their journey as an adult.
Eleven forty-five. Those were the numbers plastered across my phone¡¯s screen. I was fifteen minutes early. I supposed that being a little late wouldn¡¯t inconvenience Laura much since she lives on campus, but I had developed a habit of arriving to meetings early so there was no helping it.
For the time being, I took a seat at an empty bench I found near the large equestrian statue above the fountain, which I recognized, now that I had gotten a closer look, as one of the 7th President of the United States and the man who currently sat on the twenty-dollar bill, Andrew Jackson. Deer Valley¡¯s fetishization of this man was something that had baffled me for as long as I can remember being aware of it. It¡¯s similar to the sensation I get whenever Christopher Columbus Day rolls around. For a city that seems to love to pride itself on values such as freedom and equality, the hypocrisy of the celebrations have always stirred within me a profound curiosity.
The citizens of this city have, willfully or otherwise, chosen to ignore the fact that Deer Valley, much like the rest of this country¡¯s history, was founded on the gross mistreatment of its native tribes. The indigenous peoples of Deer Valley, the Cralixi, were forcefully excommunicated from their homes in the east and lead on a bloody hike to the far west, one where many of these people died, all for the sake of securing the vast pockets of gold hidden beneath the bountiful Georgia soil. This is the legacy of the foundation of our beautiful town. The ¡®Indian Removal Act¡¯ that caused this exodus was the biggest passion project piece of legislation of the man portrayed so proudly above my head, President Andrew Jackson.
Personally, I hold no strong feelings towards said removal of the natives from this land. While I might consider the act itself to be a terrible thing, it would be redundant of me to besmirch that history from my moral high horse all the way in the 21st century. I have no idea what views I would hold if I lived back in the days of Andrew Jackson. People were ignorant 200 years ago, and chances are, due to environmental factors such as who I grew up around, I might even agree with him. That¡¯s why, while I might regret the actions he took back then and their effects on those people, it¡¯s hard for me to condemn him as harshly as I might someone who espouses such ideas today.
But when forced to confront the weight of these terrible actions, I sincerely doubt that very many of the people who celebrate our city would view them as charitably as I do. And yet they worship him. They worship Andrew Jackson, Christopher Columbus, and every other man whose legacy, though it created the country we know today, is stained by blood and death.
And to be honest, I envy it.
To be admired in spite of your decadent soul must be the highest form of love. And if that were the case, then Andrew Jackson is the most loved man in Deer Valley, more so than the first Mayor Ficklemann who founded our great city. The statue above me is a symbol that represents two things: love¡¯s power, as well as its irrationality.
Does one truly need to be a good person to be loved? Does one need to be Laura Young to be admired by others? Or could a decadent soul like myself bask in admiration in the same way as the man who instigated the greatest ethnic cleansing in American history?
I could contemplate it until the cows come home, but theory is simply that: theory. To know the truth, I would have to embark on my own journey towards it. But before I could do that, I needed to get Lawrence¡¯s little chore done so that I could finally get him off my back. After cleansing myself of these thoughts, I picked my phone out of my pocket and called his contact. It rang for just a few moments before the other end clicked.
¡°Are you there yet?¡± he asked without even bothering to greet me.
¡°Hello to you too, Larry.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t call me¡¡± he sighed, not wanting to bother fighting back. ¡°Are you there yet or not?¡±
¡°Yes, I¡¯m here. I¡¯m waiting for your sister as we speak.¡±
¡°Okay. Okay, good. Thanks Zoey, you¡¯re a life saver,¡± he said.
¡°No need to thank me, you owe me one for this, remember?¡±
¡°Fine, sure. Anything. I¡¯m your guy.¡±
¡°Well, since you offered¡¡± I paused. ¡°You have plans today, right?¡±
¡°Plans? Well, I can cancel them if you need me to, but-¡±
¡°No, I need you to go. There¡¯s something I need you to do at the mall for me.¡±
He paused. ¡°Wait, how do you know about that?¡±
¡°Tristan¡¯s going to be there too, isn¡¯t he?¡±
¡°Well, yes, but-¡±
¡°And Ben is too, right?¡±
¡°I really don¡¯t like where this is going...¡±
I took a moment to pause once more and leaned back on the bench, taking in the fresh air.
¡°I¡¯m not asking for you to do anything out of the ordinary. I just need you to be ¡®The Law¡¯ for a day. Keep your little caravan steady on the dusty trail. Out any fires you happen to see sprouting up on the way. Sing some road songs so that it¡¯s a fun outing for everyone.¡±
¡°That¡¯s a pretty tall order, you know,¡± he said. ¡°This is Ben we¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°But you¡¯ll do it, won¡¯t you?¡± There was silence on the other side of the line. He obviously wasn¡¯t a fan of what I¡¯d just said. ¡°I could always just leave, you know. I don¡¯t have to talk to Laura today.¡±
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¡°No, no I¡¯ll do it. It¡¯s just¡ what is Tristan to you anyway?¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡± I asked.
¡°I¡¯m not an idiot, you know. You took that bet last week because Ben threatened to go after him.¡±
¡°He¡¯s the newest member of the photography club.¡±
¡°That¡¯s it?¡±
¡°Hey ma¡¯am,¡± someone next to me said. ¡°S¡¯cuse me. You mind sparin¡¯ me some change please? Would go a long way in helpin¡¯ me out.¡±
My nose was the first thing that had been assailed. It was the thick body odor of someone who probably hadn¡¯t seen the inside of a shower in days. Doing my best to avoid making a face, my gaze followed the unfamiliar voice that had crept up to me and I found myself face to face with a man who looked to be in his forties, donning soiled, disheveled clothing and a messy beard.
The dirt caught between the wrinkles of his skin told me everything I needed to know: this person is a vagrant. But that isn¡¯t what had really caught my attention about the man¡¯s appearance. Frantic itching, burned fingers, blistered lips. Just how long had this man been using drugs for? When he spoke about change, it was obvious to anyone what kind of ¡®helpin¡¯ out¡¯ he was looking for.
¡°Sorry, I have to go.¡± I hung up on Lawrence. It was a welcomed excuse since I didn¡¯t feel like entertaining his snooping any longer. My relationship with Tristan is something that will come out eventually. There¡¯s no point in hiding it anymore. But for the time being, I just needed this Laura and Enzo situation taken care of. Once I took a moment to refocus myself, I reached into my handbag. ¡°Are you going to buy drugs with my money?¡± I asked.
¡°Huh? Oh, no ma¡¯am. Wouldn¡¯t even think of that. I been clean for ¡®bout two months.¡±
¡°Oh really? That¡¯s unfortunate.¡± I pulled my hand away from the bag. ¡°I have some rocks that I¡¯m trying to get rid of, but I wouldn¡¯t want to get in the way of your recovery.¡±
He gulped audibly.
¡°W-well ma¡¯am I actually uh, I don¡¯t think a pretty young thing like you should be usin¡¯ that kinda stuff.¡±
¡°Oh, no?¡±
¡°No way, no way. It¡¯s mighty bad for you, I think. Heard ¡®bout it on the radio. Young girls n¡¯ crack cocaine don¡¯t mix, no ma¡¯am.¡±
¡°Oh, but what should I do with it then? I¡¯ve already bought it and everything. I risked getting caught by the police when I drove up to that dealer in Bucktail, it would be a shame to just throw it away after all that¡¡±
¡°M-ma¡¯am, you gotta get rid of it. L-let me do it for ya. I¡¯ll toss ¡®em away.¡±
¡°But you¡¯re in recovery, aren¡¯t you? I wouldn¡¯t want to tempt you.¡± I sighed. ¡°It¡¯s fine, I¡¯ll just flush it when I get home.¡±
¡°NO! Uh, don¡¯t do that ma¡¯am. What if you get tempted to light ¡®er up? No ma¡¯am. I¡¯ve seen this here show a million times, I know how it ends.¡±
¡°Better than letting a recovering addict get his hands on it, I think. I¡¯m not the kind of terrible person who would give drugs to a recovering addict.¡±
The man was scratching his neck frantically. It seemed like he was on his last legs until he finally let his hands fall to his side with a sigh.
¡°Okay fine. I admit it. I ain¡¯t in recovery. I was gonna use that money to get me some of that white sugar. Sorry for lying to you. But addiction, ma¡¯am, this sickness that I have. It¡¯s a terrible, terrible thing. Ruined my life. I was married, you know. Lived with my wife and my daughter and everything. Had a decent life. But I-¡±
¡°There¡¯s no crack in my handbag.¡±
¡°Say, huh? You lied to me?¡±
¡°Of course I did. It got you to tell the truth, didn¡¯t it?¡±
¡°That ain¡¯t the truth, I was just tryin¡¯ to get that stuff away from you, is all.¡±
¡°Oh, and now you¡¯re back to lying. Don¡¯t you feel bad about acting this pathetic in front a girl so much younger than you?¡±
The man recoiled. ¡°P-pathetic?¡±
I folded my legs and smiled. ¡°Yes, pathetic. A pathetic human being trying to swindle college kids into funding his pathetic drug addiction using pathetic lies about his pathetic life. Lying to you is a net positive to society.¡±
¡°Fuck¡¯re you talkin¡¯ ¡®bout, bitch? You talk to your daddy with that mouth? If he had any sense he¡¯d slap the shit out of you for talkin¡¯ to your elders like that.¡±
I shrugged. ¡°Why don¡¯t you do it then? Just for today, I¡¯ll let you be my daddy.¡±
¡°Think I won¡¯t, bitch? I¡¯ve been inside more times than you can count.¡±
¡°Must be tempting then. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be able to get plenty of your ¡®white sugar¡¯ while rotting in jail.¡±
His eyes flared with an anger that I know so well. The volcanic rage that clouds any semblance of rational judgment. His emotions were in the driver¡¯s seat, and he was going 110 in a 70. It excited me. Being the object of this stranger¡¯s rage was a thrill that I could not often experience in the pillow fort that was Deer Valley High, where my reputation meant everything to me. What was he about to do? Would he actually strike me? In front of all of these people? Did my little lie bother him that much? I had to admit, the excitement was getting me all hot and bothered.
¡°Oh, Samuel. Sup?¡±
But before I could find the answer to my question, the two of us both turned, and we found a girl standing before us with her phone in hand. The pleated black skirt, fishnets, and high boots combo stood out like a firework in the night sky. Glancing up at her face, I noticed her black, spiked choker staring me in the face like a warning sign to predators that might dare to approach her.
She certainly didn¡¯t shy away from embracing that kind of look since entering college. Her clothes had always been strange, but this looked like a rebellious streak that had gone too far. What really tied it all together was the makeup she wore. Her dark lipstick and eye paint added a shadowy allure to her appearance that seemed so distinct compared to her rather muted look from three years ago. I had to acknowledge the fact that I was looking at a completely different person.
¡°Ohh, Laura. Nice to see you,¡± he said. Much to my dismay, the sight of her seemed to deflate his anger like air through the mouth of a balloon. ¡°Say, you wouldn¡¯t happen to have any change to spare, would you?¡±
Her uncaring gaze bounced between me and the homeless man, before she shifted the white, child-sized backpack ornamented with silver chain links she was wearing off one of her shoulders. Searching through its contents, she finally produced a twenty-dollar bill. ¡°Sure, here you go.¡±
¡°Ohhh, Father Jackson. Bless you Laura, ma¡¯am. You¡¯re always far too generous.¡± He accepted the bill while bowing his head repeatedly. ¡°God bless you. God bless your soul.¡±
¡°It¡¯s no problem,¡± Laura said. ¡±I¡¯ll see you around.¡±
The man¡¯s elation at having been handed money to feed his revolting habit was quite an unfortunate sight to behold. She was the same Laura, being taken advantage of just like in high school. You¡¯d think the spiked collar would have done her some favors at scaring people like that off.
Once he left, I turned to face the girl. When she met my eyes, she reached back into the same backpack and took out a small object which she then held out to me.
¡°Gum?¡± It was an opened pack of chewing gum, to be sure. If I didn¡¯t know her well, I would have said that her strange mannerisms reminded me of Warren. She was a strange one, but not out of any social ineptitude. This just happened to be how she preferred to deal with others.
¡°No thanks.¡±
¡°¡¯Kay,¡± she said, unwrapping a stick and popping it into her mouth.
Kind to a fault, that was Laura Young. It was a shame that her kindness had gotten under my skin. ¡°You know he¡¯s just gonna smoke that money away, right?¡±
¡°Maybe.¡± She zipped her backpack up then returned it to her shoulders.
¡°No, there is no ¡®maybe¡¯. He is.¡±
¡°Are you going to follow him and find out?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not that bored.¡±
¡°Then it¡¯s a ¡®maybe¡¯,¡± she said.
¡°Sure. You¡¯re ¡®maybe¡¯ depriving yourself of money just to help him ruin himself faster. ¡°
¡°Maybe,¡± she said. ¡°Or, ¡®maybe¡¯, my money is the difference between him starving or not. I think I¡¯d rather live in the world where I¡¯m wrong than the one where you¡¯re wrong, so I¡¯m just going to give him the money.¡±
I had spoken to this person for all of ten seconds and I was all but ready to lose it. Why was I so irritated today? Was it the homeless man? The statue of Andrew Jackson? Having to play 007 for Lawrence¡¯s peace of mind? This girl¡¯s irreconcilable naivety? No, it was none of that.
It¡¯s because I had to do something that obscene with Tristan yesterday. I was ignorant of how his power worked. He could sense my feelings? He knows that I don¡¯t love him? How could I have possibly anticipated that? Twisting our relationship into one predicated on his sexual desire for me was naturally the only way to keep him under my control. My hand still prickled from the feeling of his worm against my fingertips. It disgusted me to no end that my only path forward was to confront his sexual attraction towards me. And yet, I must, for the sake of the dream I hold dear to my heart.
But really, it doesn¡¯t change how frustrating this whole thing is. Just how much more am I going to have to entertain his one-sided delusions? How much longer will I have to put up with his lustful gaze? How much longer will I have to live in fear under the gargantuan shadow of Dream Paralysis?
¡°I¡¯ll show you around. Follow me.¡±
Without smiling, she nonchalantly urged me to follow her and started towards the main building. She was the same as ever, Laura Young. But her queer attitude didn¡¯t bother me one bit. Compared to the seedy Tristan Collins, her earnest nature was a refreshing change of pace that I welcomed with open arms. I followed in her footsteps, doing my best to purge any thoughts of what I had done yesterday from my mind.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - IV
While it is normal in theory for the mall to be packed with visitors on a bright and cheery Saturday like this one, I was under the impression that the culture around visiting these places had long since fallen off. Though, I do have to admit that it¡¯s possible I had only assumed as much due to my own relationship with malls. The last time I¡¯d been to one was with my parents about five years ago for a black Friday sale. It wound up being so disappointing compared to simply doing the shopping online that the whole outing had turned them off from the idea of the mall entirely. Not that I was complaining. The trip wasn¡¯t particularly fun for me either. As a 13-year-old boy who was freshly addicted to playing Dota, I cared far more about stacking and pulling creeps than stacking my wardrobe with designer clothes.
With that being said, it''s strange how a couple years and a change in company can warp your perception of a particular place. I was greeted by the sight of friends window shopping at clothing stores, adults sitting at the food court with their children, and young couples my age sharing laughs together while waiting in line at photo booths. It was all so foreign to me that the I was beginning to realize just how much of the world I had been missing out on by staying home on weekends to play online video games with Lance. There was this whole other flavor of life right at my doorstep, and I¡¯d been steering clear of it in favor of the familiar mental unwinding I¡¯d grown so accustomed to at home.
My teenage years were almost over, and I hadn¡¯t done a mall run even once until this day. Perhaps Zoey was right. This was an opportunity I could not miss out on; a sweet milkshake to drown out the bitter taste of coffee that had stained my tastebuds for all these years.
I was nervous about it, though. So nervous, in fact, that I arrived about an hour earlier than Gwen had suggested. It was her birthday, and I felt a bit awkward about popping up empty handed. Being the only one to show their face without a gift would probably not fly too well with these guys, so I decided to try my hand at searching for a satisfactory present before the designated meeting time.
There was another issue, however. I still hadn¡¯t moved from the seat at the food court I had taken since arriving. The medication I had been taking for the past few days was really taking its toll on me. I still haven¡¯t been able to sleep very well, and now my fatigue was doubled thanks to the side-effects of the stuff. How on earth was I supposed to get through the day like this, exactly?
¡°Heyyyy! Wow, someone¡¯s here early!¡±
I turned to the sound of the voice and found Naomi standing a few feet away from me with a cheery smile on her face. She was garbed in a lime-green blazer over her black crop top, both articles hanging above the waist-high denim that clung tightly to her skin. Her hair was in its signature ponytailed style, swaying and bouncing through the air with each step as she strode towards me. The beauty of the girl before me forced me to once again question Lance¡¯s sanity. Why was he so bullish on pushing such a beautiful girl away?
¡°What¡¯s wrong? Did you get the time wrong or something?¡± she asked, stretching her arms above her head as she finally caught up to me.
¡°Oh, no nothing like that. I figured I¡¯d stop by early to buy her a gift.¡±
¡°Ooh, smart. Maybe I¡¯ll do that too, then,¡± she said, taking a seat.
¡°You didn¡¯t get her anything?¡±
¡°Nope!¡±
Attractive, and as air headed as always. Yep, that¡¯s our Naomi.
¡°Still, I¡¯m surprised that she invited you,¡± she said, ¡°When did you two start hanging out?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh¡¡± I hadn¡¯t thought about how I¡¯d answer that question. I had paused to give it some thought, pretending to stare longingly at the jewelry store in front of us. ¡°I guess we just bonded over the Ben and Zoey situation.¡±
¡°Hmm. Yeah, I guess you two are kinda similar in that way. Though, I¡¯m still surprised that you came at all. Doesn¡¯t Bennyben kinda hate you?¡±
¡°Ah, yeah¡¡± She said it so frankly that I almost didn¡¯t know how to respond. ¡°I was worried about that too. But Gwen said she¡¯d deal with it, probably¡¡±
¡°Oh, okay. If that¡¯s how it¡¯s gonna be then I¡¯ll help out too then.¡±
¡°You will?¡±
She pressed her fist against her sternum. ¡°Leave it to me! Just¡¡±
¡°Just?¡±
Her smile warped into something more melancholic. ¡°Whatever you do, don¡¯t get on his bad side any more than you already are, okay? I can help out a little, but I can¡¯t fix it if you make it worse than it is. He¡¯s a dangerous guy when he gets going.¡±
¡°Ah, yeah. Don¡¯t worry, I won¡¯t do anything like that.¡±
When it came to dealing with Ben¡¯s insufferable personality, Naomi did seem like one of the people more suited to handling him. It was probably true that so long as I didn¡¯t antagonize him, she would save me from any undesirable outcomes. Though, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what kind of relationship they¡¯d had together before coming to high school. As far as I knew, the only other person that he afforded even remotely the same amount of respect to was Warren. Perhaps if I spent more time talking to people besides Lance, I would know a little more about any of these people.
¡°By the way, is Lance coming? Gwen told me she¡¯d be fine if you invited him.¡± It was a question I already knew the answer to, but it was all I could think of to steer the topic away from Ben.
¡°Nope. Didn¡¯t he tell you? We got into a huge fight at homecoming.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s about all he told me. You know how he likes to keep your relationship a secret from me.¡±
¡°You and I have that in common then.¡± She said it with a bit of a grunt before picking herself up to begin walking through the mall. ¡°Let¡¯s go look for something.¡±
I struggled to my feet despite my fatigue and followed her, marveling at how like Lance it was to keep his views on his relationship secret from the other half of said relationship. But while it suited his character, it was still a terrible thing to do.
¡°Uh, isn¡¯t that kind of weird?¡± I asked one I caught up with her.
¡°I didn¡¯t think so at first. But after seeing how much Ben demanded to know why he was cut off by Zoey, I thought hey, maybe I should be putting my foot down too. I mean, I realized that I don¡¯t know why he really broke up with me thanks to you.¡±
I don¡¯t know what bothered me more. The fact that she had thought they¡¯d broken up over good morning texts for the past two years, or that she was using Benjamin as a metric for what her relationship should look like. But if it meant that she was now standing up for herself, then I couldn¡¯t be too upset about it.
¡°So, what did he say?¡± I asked.
¡°He said that I was being too pushy with him and that he needed time.¡±
¡°And you don¡¯t exactly want to spend the rest of your life waiting for him, huh?¡±
¡°No,¡± she said. ¡°I don¡¯t mind waiting forever.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t?¡±
¡°Nope. If there¡¯s a good reason for it, then I don¡¯t mind. But I really wish he¡¯d talk to me about it. I want to feel like I¡¯m a part of his life again.¡±
It was much unlike the sort of devotion Gwen held, which was riddled with fear and insecurity. Naomi¡¯s resolve felt unshakable. Her voice carried with it the conviction to commit to waiting an entire lifetime for the boy she loved. Her words were blunt, and yet, within that bluntness came these pure, honeyed emotions that bubbled out and smothered my own heart in its stickiness just by virtue of being nearby. Just how much did she love this friend of mine?
¡°So, you guys haven¡¯t made up since then?¡± I asked.
¡°No, he went too far this time.¡±
¡°What did he do?¡±
¡°He went back on his promise to dance with me.¡± Her eyes locked onto something in the distance. ¡°Hey, let¡¯s try this store. I could see Gwen wearing stuff like this.¡±
It was your run of the mill big name mall store, but the selection in the windows were artsy enough to look like the kind of thing that Gwen would pick up.
¡°Right, sure.¡±
The subtle scent of spiced pumpkin that wafted through the cool air of the store had embraced us warmly once we passed through the doors. There were a plethora of other people checking the racks out and leisurely strolling and checking out the wide variety of clothes that were available. I was once again forced to acknowledge really did feel like a whole new world coming here without my parents.
¡°Trist! Over here, over here!¡± Naomi beckoned me over to the women¡¯s side as she scampered over to a circular rack that had caught her attention. ¡°Wouldn¡¯t this look great on her?¡±
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She was holding out a purple sleeveless turtleneck. Sure enough, Gwen did seem to favor the color in most of her outfits, and it certainly did feel stylish enough.
¡°Do you even know her size?¡±
¡°Yeah, we¡¯re the same body type. Except around the chest area, of course.¡±
I¡¯d think it was a humble brag if it were anyone else, but this was Naomi. As blunt as ever. Besides, it¡¯s not that Naomi¡¯s chest was particularly large. It¡¯s more so that Gwen¡¯s chest could probably double as a functioning mousepad, though I¡¯d never admit it to the girl herself.
¡°So uh, you guys haven¡¯t spoken since then?¡± I asked.
¡°Hmm? You mean me and Lance?¡± She put the top back on the rack. ¡°Nope, not a word. I don¡¯t want to talk to him right now. I don¡¯t think he lied to me. He looked like he was really going to dance with me at first. But the argument we had made him change his mind. Which I kinda get, but he should¡¯ve tried to make it up to me by now. I mean, he promised, right?¡± She sighed. ¡°Did he at least seem regretful at all when you guys spoke yesterday?¡±
¡°It¡¯s Lance, you could take a guess.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
I was just being honest with her. Lance wasn¡¯t someone to admit his mistakes and lower his head like that, especially in front of me. But was my honesty really necessary at that point? I still don¡¯t know. All I know is that it hurt to see the fa?ade of her joyful face slowly crumble away.
¡°Hey, Tristan.¡±
¡°Yeah?¡±
¡°I kinda¡ don¡¯t really feel like doing too much shopping right now. Do you mind if we just sat down and talked?¡±
¡°Uh, but the gift¡¡±
I started speaking but wound up holding my mouth. With how beat up she was, it would be wrong of me to force her to go shopping with me. If I were to weigh my relationship with Naomi versus the one with Gwen and her friends, then I¡¯d obviously choose Naomi one hundred times over. She¡¯s my friend just as much as Lance is. Her feelings come before anyone else¡¯s.
¡°Do you want to just buy the top then?¡±
She nodded without looking up to face me. It was the first time I¡¯d seen the cheery Naomi look that downtrodden. I grabbed the turtleneck off the rack and went over to check it out. There thankfully wasn¡¯t all that much of a line, but I still felt bad about leaving her for a second. The total for the top came up to 59 dollars, which was about half of what I was carrying with me, but I paid it anyway. Once I received the bag, I returned to where Naomi was still standing, absent-mindedly flipping through clothes on the circular rack.
¡°Here you go,¡± I handed her the bag.
¡°Oh, here. I¡¯ll pay you back.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯ll pay you. Here.¡±
Despite my resistance, she pulled her phone out and sent me sixty dollars.
¡°She¡¯s not even really your friend, is she? You don¡¯t need to pay for something that pricey,¡± Naomi said.
¡°I guess not...¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry about me, I¡¯m fine. I just need to catch myself for a sec.¡±
I guided her to the food court once again where the two of us had a seat at an isolated spot near the middle this time, out of the way and sight of any passersby coming through the outer edges. With a better view of the entire area now, I found myself taking in the new surroundings. The food court was home to many different varieties of fast-food choices. From franchises like Chick-fil-A, Subway and Popeyes, to different ethnic cuisine such as Thai, Chinese, or Mediterranean. The lines, which I expected to be much smaller than they had been the last time I visited, seemed determined to prove me wrong. Just why was the mall so popular today exactly? Still, if would soothe her emotional turmoil then I would just have to suck it up and wait patiently.
¡°Do you want anything to eat?¡± I asked.
¡°I think we should wait until everyone else gets here.¡±
¡°That makes sense.¡±
We sat in silence, seeping in the awkward tension that was slowly building between us. We had never been close outside of the context of Lance Harley, so we didn¡¯t have as much of a one-on-one relationship despite the years we¡¯ve known each other for. Of course, the tension could have all been in my head. I was the one hanging out with a beautiful girl on my own. She was just here with her friend Tristan Collins. And yet, did she really know who Tristan Collins was? Do I even know who Naomi Fraise is? Without Lance in the picture, I suddenly came to the realization that, despite how comfortable I felt around her, we may as well have been strangers.
¡°He¡¯s just been living like normal ever since then, huh?¡±
She was hunched over the table, staring down at her thumbs as she twiddled them. What was she grappling with, exactly? Her feelings? Or what her next decision would be?
¡°It might have looked like I¡¯m just the same as always, but it¡¯s been hard to keep going, you know.¡± She sighed. ¡°I smile and smile like I always do, I play volleyball like I always do, I try to pay attention in class like I always do too. But the truth is, I¡¯m the furthest from normal that I¡¯ve ever been in my life.¡±
She smiled at me as she always did, yet I could find no hint of joy anywhere on her face.
¡°The only thing that keeps me going, the only thing that kept me going, was the hopes that maybe he was suffering just as much as I was. Maybe he¡¯d crack first and apologize to me for what he did. And if he did that, then maybe things would go back to normal. I could go back to bugging him and sending him cute good morning texts like I always do. But for him to be just like always...¡±
I had chosen my words carelessly. I¡¯d finally realized it. My reassurance of his general mood gave her the impression that Lance didn¡¯t need her. That he had casted her aside and could go on fine without her while she was suffering. How could I have not realized it? Why was I so dense when it came to matters of the heart?
My anger wasn¡¯t solely directed at myself. That Lance had it in him to abandon the girl that he so clearly loved when she was this devoted to him made my head ballon in frustration. Oh, how I could only wish that Zoey felt this way about me. How much I wish what Zoey felt for me was what Gwen felt for Benjamin. It was unfair. Neither Ben nor Lance deserved that unshakeable love.
No, that isn¡¯t true. Lance isn¡¯t like Ben. He stuck with me through everything that¡¯s happened in the past two weeks without questioning his devotion to me. He even joined the photography club with me despite how self-destructive and selfish I was being. That¡¯s loyalty. And someone as loyal as he is wouldn¡¯t just suddenly abandon Naomi like that. So then, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what I could say to pacify Naomi¡¯s bleeding heart.
¡°I think¡¡± I started, but my voice cracked, and I quickly found myself coughing out of sheer embarrassment.
¡°Haha, what kind of voice was that? Are you a chipmunk?¡±
¡°Oh, drop it¡¡± I cleared my throat then tried again. ¡°I think Lance is just the kind of guy who hides what he¡¯s really feeling.¡±
¡°Yeah, I guess.¡±
¡°You know we joined the photography club, right?¡±
¡°Oh, the two of you did?¡± Her expression darkened.
¡°Yeah. But he kind of got on Jaz¡¯s nerves yesterday. He overdid the usual clown act he does, even by his standards.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s¡ not good.¡±
¡°It¡¯s true that he hasn¡¯t spoken seriously about what happened with you. But if you ask me, I think he¡¯s suffering just as much as you are.¡±
Her eyes widened. ¡°How come?¡±
¡°To me, it¡¯s like he¡¯s forcing himself to act like normal too. Everything he does just feels more aggressive and chaotic than it usually does. And I have to say it: as his best friend, I¡¯d just like to see him act like himself again.¡±
Naomi¡¯s eyes were avoidant, still staring down at the table. She seemed to be pondering the meaning of my words. That Lance was also just a complete wreck without her.
¡°Truth be told, I kind of want you to join the photography club too.¡±
Her head popped up. ¡°Me? But¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s okay, we only really need to show up twice a week so it shouldn¡¯t affect volleyball. But also, I think it¡¯d be a good chance to make up with him. He¡¯s only going to make things worse over there the longer he goes on without you.¡±
¡°Yeah, he is kind of a peanut brain.¡±
¡°Hey, that¡¯s your boyfriend you¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°I wish.¡±
She leaned back in her seat and stared up at the ceiling. The sun was finally emerging from behind her cloudy expression. It seemed like my words had some effect on her.
¡°Why did you join that club anyway?¡± she asked.
¡°W-what?¡± I looked away. ¡°What are you talking about?¡±
¡°Trist, come on.¡± She smiled, still appearing a bit downtrodden. ¡°I opened up to you just now, now it¡¯s your turn. Fess up, is it Zoey or Jazmine?¡±
When she put it like that, there was no way to fight back. It¡¯s true that she had put her feelings on full display for me. It was something even Lance hadn¡¯t done with me before. It was an act of bravery I couldn¡¯t not respect, so it was only fair that I offered her something in return.
¡°I¡ I still like Zoey.¡± Though I had resolved myself, the words did not come out easily.
¡°Oh, I thought you were over her.¡±
¡°That was only because of Ben! But since he¡¯s out, I figured¡¡±
¡°Hmm. But why not Jaz? It looked like she liked you. You might have a real shot with her.¡±
¡°No, she¡¯s just messing with me.¡±
Naomi didn¡¯t seem convinced, but she wasn¡¯t there during our programming class, so she was probably unaware of the full scope of our relationship. Jaz was merely curious about the guy everyone was talking about in relation to Zoey. There¡¯s nothing more to it. And besides, even if she were interested, my heart still belonged to Zoey. There¡¯s nothing I can do about that. Just like Naomi¡¯s heart belongs to Lance, and Gwen¡¯s belongs to Ben. You can¡¯t help who you fall in love with.
¡°But either way, she¡¯s way friendlier with you than Zoey is, right? Don¡¯t you think you¡¯d have a better shot with her?¡±
¡°I guess, but it still has to be Zoey.¡±
¡°Why?¡±
Her question came out of left court.
¡°What?¡±
¡°Why Zoey? It¡¯s not like you¡¯re close or anything, right? Why are you so dead set on her?¡±
¡°Why¡?¡±
From the outside, it must have seemed like a bewildering decision. Certainly, I hadn¡¯t made any progress in talking to Zoey until last week. I¡¯d thought that she wasn¡¯t even aware of my existence outside of her casual hellos in the morning. But it was more than that with her.
¡°Zoey¡ Zoey is the reason I can fall asleep at night.¡±
Naomi stared at me with her mouth hung open. ¡°What?¡±
¡°W-what? Did I say something weird?¡±
¡°No no, go on,¡± she said, grinning now. Her sudden enjoyment of my exposed feelings made me regret ever opening my mouth, but it was too late to stop.
¡°She¡¯s just like¡ when I think about her¡ it¡¯s just, I feel safe or something. I feel at home.¡± The image of her sitting at my side enveloped my vision. My anchor to the world. My sanity. That¡¯s what Zoey was. Her presence saved my life, so of course I feel this overbearing love for her. She¡¯s the only thing keeping me from going insane. ¡°It might just be something I¡¯ve made up in my head. I¡¯ve barely even exchanged words with her in the grand scheme of things, but still¡ I¡¯ve never felt this way about a girl before. Just that smile on her face makes the dullness of student life feel so much better. If I could just make her feel even a tenth of what I feel for her, if I could be the reason she smiles like that, then I think that I could probably die happily.¡±
I wonder if that¡¯s what I was looking for? A reason to die happily? She was the only thing that had kept me going for those years after the creature attacked me. Would she be the thing that saved me from my dilemma ? Would I finally be free from my fears if I truly became hers?
¡°Trist, thats¡¡± Naomi started saying something, but before she could finish her thought, the sound of her phone vibrating on the table interrupted her sentence. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s Gwen. I need to take this. Hello? Yeah hi! I¡¯m already here with Trist, where are you?¡±
The two of them chatted over the line for a few seconds while I stared off into the distance with thoughts of Zoey dancing through my mind¡¯s eye. It was a complicated emotion. My feelings for Zoey are powerful, that much can¡¯t be denied. But having witnessed first-hand the extent of Naomi¡¯s love, I¡¯m forced to confront the fact that Zoey¡¯s love for me may never be as pure as Naomi¡¯s is for Lance. Am I really going to be okay with that? Is a purely physical relationship enough to temper the turbulent emotions in my heart?
¡°They¡¯re at the front entrance. They should be here in a minute,¡± Naomi said after hanging up.
¡°Ah, okay.¡±
¡°Sorry. You won¡¯t be able to buy her anything because of me, huh? If you want, you can say that this was from you.¡±
She offered me the bag with the turtleneck inside of it.
¡°No, it¡¯s yours. You¡¯re closer to her so it¡¯ll mean more.¡±
She shrugged and placed the bag near the foot of the table. I had no time to think about gifts. It was game time. I needed to somehow navigate this situation with Benjamin without getting into too much trouble. All I could do was pray that Naomi and Gwen could provide enough cover for me.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - V
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
¡°There¡¯s a large number of ATMs on campus, so you shouldn¡¯t have any cash issues even if you don¡¯t feel like driving out.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s convenient,¡± I said, wondering when the last time was that I had needed to use cash for anything. I doubted that even Laura Young needed the stuff beyond single-handedly funding the crack cocaine market in Deer Valley.
We were inside one of the major shopping buildings that was built here on campus. Much like the atmosphere had been outside, students were hanging around and lounging in the open area, seated in front of stores and food spots with other people their age. Judging by everything Laura had shown me for the past hour, living on campus was like being a part of an ecosystem no different from that of a small town. There are social events organized by students and the board, supply stores on every corner, and there¡¯s even a wide selection of food options from groceries, fast food spots, cafes, and everything else you could ever want as a young adult. It wasn¡¯t difficult to see why someone who¡¯s lived in their parents¡¯ shadows for their entire life would be enticed by the freedom of a campus lifestyle.
¡°Gum?¡±
I glanced her way as we walked side by side and found her holding out another stick of gum. Was this girl obsessed with giving this stuff out or something?
¡°I shouldn¡¯t,¡± I said, adjusting my glasses. ¡°I think it¡¯s about time I eat something.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s fine. We can grab a seat at the sushi place you were eyeing earlier.¡±
I wasn¡¯t about to say no to that. It¡¯s been a while since I treated myself to anything more extravagant than Chinese takeout.
¡°Lead the way then.¡±
Laura took my words to heart and began her leisurely stroll towards the sushi place. She seemed to be walking at a decent pace, and yet, from the casual air of her stride, it felt like I was watching someone without a care for whatever happened to be going on around her. Was she really that carefree, or was it all an act? She took a swig of the coffee she¡¯d bought at a cafe earlier then took a right to exit the building we were walking through.
¡°Hey Laura, you coming to Logan¡¯s party tonight?¡±
The second we made it out into the open, the two of us turned to the sudden call from our right. Two male students wearing what were assuredly plastic smiles approached us with open body language, both of them staring at Laura.
¡°Sure. I¡¯ll drop in to say hello,¡± she said.
¡°Oh come onnn, you should stay for once,¡± he protested.
¡°Hmm, I¡¯ll think about it.
Conversations like these with students weren¡¯t uncommon for Laura. In fact, this was the fifth person who had stopped her to say hello since the two of us had met up. It seemed like she stood out even in a vast college of over ten thousand undergrads. Unfortunately, it seemed that by virtue of standing next to her, I had unknowingly made myself a target for these people, and this time would be no different. Before I could take the time to analyze either boy any further, I realized that both of their gazes had already turned to me.
¡°Who¡¯re you hanging out with though?¡±
It was a question posed by the second student. It only took an instant to realize that, while the main boy who spoke to Laura seemed friendly enough, this friend of his was someone I needed to be wary of. From the corner of my vision, I could feel his invasive gaze examining me from top to bottom; its palpability was raising the hairs on my body.
¡°Oh, this is Zoey. She¡¯s an old friend from DVH who¡¯s looking at enrolling next year. Zoey, this is Marrick,¡± she said, gesturing to the first student who called out to her. ¡°We had Public Speaking together. And his friend is¡¡±
¡°Taylor.¡± He brushed past his friend and stretched his hand out. ¡°Zoey, huh? Nice to meet you. How old are you?¡±
There he was, stepping into the limelight to make his move. Quite frankly I was tired of it. Why did Lawrence send me on this pointless trip again?
¡°I¡¯m eighteen.¡± I accepted his handshake with my usual smile. ¡°Pleasure.¡±
¡°I can only guess. After looking at boys all day, a real man must be a breath of fresh air.¡± He pulled his hand back and began flexing his biceps.
He was putting on quite the shameful display, but there was something amusing about it; I¡¯ll grant him that much. I adjusted my glasses and smiled. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry. I only meant that it¡¯s your pleasure. You¡¯re not really my type.¡±
¡°Oh? How come?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, it¡¯s just this feeling you give off.¡±
¡°Feeling?¡±
¡°Feeling,¡± I said. ¡°As in, I feel like you¡¯re the type to go driving back home to Alabama in a rundown pick-up truck for Thanksgiving.¡±
¡°How¡¯d she know about the pickup?¡± Marrick asked with a chuckle.
¡°Lucky guess.¡± Taylor smiled. ¡°I¡¯m Peach State born and bred though, so she¡¯s only half-right.¡±
¡°Half right? But I hadn¡¯t even gotten to the cousin-fucking yet.¡±
Laura blinked twice, surprised by my sudden transgression, but the boy only grinned. ¡°I mean¡ If my cousins looked anything like you then could you really blame me?¡±
Marrick laughed. ¡°Sweet Home Alabama! Cousin-fucker Taylor. Everyone¡¯s gotta hear about this!¡±
¡°Shut up, man,¡± he laughed and knuckled his buddy in the shoulder.
¡°Still, she¡¯s got a mouth on her, huh?¡±
¡°Yep, Laura knows how to pick them.¡± Taylor turned back to face me. ¡°You should come to the party. You¡¯re kinda fun.¡±
¡°Fun? Do you enjoy being berated by younger women that much?¡±
¡°Only if it¡¯s you, sunshine.¡±
He ran his hand along the stream of hair on the right side of my face. He was better than Lawrence was in sophomore year, I¡¯ll give him that. Confident? Or just an utter lack of shame? I couldn¡¯t tell, but insulting him felt like tossing rocks at an armored vehicle.
¡°I¡¯ll have to pass,¡± I said, swatting his hand away gently. ¡°High school girls still have curfews to consider, you know.¡±
¡°Hey, don¡¯t make it sound weird.¡± His smile morphed into a sort of half grimace before turning to leave. ¡°That¡¯s fine then. When you¡¯re all graduated, be sure to give me a call. I¡¯ll make sure you get into all the fun parties.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t hold your breath.¡±
I turned to face Laura once Marrick¡¯s friend had left alongside him in what was easily the most welcomed parting of the day.
¡°You don¡¯t like parties?¡± She didn¡¯t respond. She just stared at me with her mouth half-agape. ¡°What?¡±
¡°I¡¯m just¡ I¡¯m surprised, Zoey. You handled that well.¡±
Guys like that will only respect you if you meet them where they¡¯re at. There¡¯s no point in rubbing shoulders with them. Some playful banter is enough to earn your chops sometimes. Besides, I¡¯d much rather insult people like that than put on a pretend friendship show.
¡°If that¡¯s handling it well then I¡¯d hate to see how you¡¯d deal with it,¡± I said, making my way toward the sushi place.
¡°It¡¯s not a pretty sight. I¡¯m not amazing at dealing with guys like that.¡± Yeah, and guys eat little timid girls like you up for lunch, I thought, watching her fling her hair over her shoulders. ¡°I don¡¯t entirely hate parties, no. It¡¯s just that they get a little too crazy for me. Plus, I¡¯ve got church tomorrow.¡±
¡°Church? You¡¯re like the opposite of Lawrence, aren¡¯t you?¡±
¡°Oh really, how come?¡±
I thought about outing him and his sexual misadventures, but I wouldn¡¯t hear the end of it from him if he knew I told her the extent of it.
¡°Well, it¡¯s not him in particular. I feel like most believers these days only care about God for about an hour a week. I can¡¯t say I¡¯ve met many who don¡¯t sin as much as the average person does.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t deny that. But that¡¯s not how I live,¡± she said.
¡°I can see that.¡±
At the very least, she seemed to hold to the values of a true believer. Staying strong against peer pressure in a college environment rife with boys, drugs and parties is the undertaking of a saint.
¡°I take it that you¡¯re an atheist?¡± she asked.
¡°I am. Will that be a problem, sister Laura?¡±
¡°Nope. I¡¯m just curious about it.¡±
She¡¯s curious? Surely she¡¯s met with people like me before. And if not, there¡¯s always the internet. So what exactly was she talking about when she said that she was curious?
¡°Sure. What would you like to know?¡±
¡°I hope that this question doesn¡¯t seem rude to you.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry, I don¡¯t bite,¡± I said, smiling.
¡°Well in that case¡ what kind of atheist are you?¡± she asked.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
¡°What kind? Are you asking if I don¡¯t believe or if I just choose not to worship?¡± I rolled my head around, trying to come up with a response. ¡°I just don¡¯t think, in my opinion, that there¡¯s enough evidence to prove that God really does exist. He could, I suppose. I¡¯m not ideologically opposed to the possibility that He¡¯s real. I just don¡¯t see any evidence for it.¡±
It was getting more and more difficult to believe that He didn¡¯t thanks to my exposure to a real-life spirit, but the existence of spirits and that of God Himself are two entirely different things, At my answer though, Laura turned to me with as much interest as a smile-less girl like her could muster on her face. ¡°No, no. That¡¯s not what I mean.¡±
The conversation had taken a strange turn. There was a level of audacity I hadn¡¯t seen in her before. She was pushing on a scary topic. The truth is, being grilled on one¡¯s spiritual beliefs might be an uncomfortable experience for the average person, so it might have been a little out of line for her to ask these types of questions. But I had to admit, I was curious about where she was going with it. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll bite then. What do you mean by a ¡®kind of atheist¡¯?¡±
She circled over and cut in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. Her dark eyes were as wide as saucers, seemingly peering through my very soul. My own gaze met her, but the determination in her expression was overwhelming, even for me.
¡°Zoey Brahm. How do you reconcile the fact that you¡¯re going to die someday?¡±
¡°How..?¡± Her eyes were unmoving. Just where did that come from? Her question was like a sucker punch to the gut. I was left speechless. At least, for as long as it took for her to open her mouth again.
¡°It¡¯s a terrifying thing to come to terms with, isn¡¯t it? We can¡¯t remember the times before we were born, after all. It¡¯s all just a big, blank nothing. And as an atheist, you must believe that your death is very likely going to return you to that nothingness. Isn¡¯t that hard to accept? That these harsh times on earth are all that you have?¡±
She was asking a difficult question. Of course it was hard to accept. If it were easy, then mental disabilities such as anxiety and depression would be wiped off the face of the earth.
¡°Are you the kind of atheist that searches for new heights to forget her own mortality? The consumerist who drowns herself in shallow material joys to distract herself from it? Buying new clothes, a new phone, fancy new pieces of home d¨¦cor, a new gadget, or some other form of tangible joy to give you some temporary high that you can convince yourself is better than the homeless man who smokes out of a crack pipe to forget his own dread? Or perhaps meaningless sex is your vice? The pleasure of touch, conquering and being conquered, living in the moment of that ecstasy and not a moment longer?
¡°Or, are you the awake, burdened atheist, who begrudgingly saunters through life with the knowledge that any day could be her last day? Battling tooth and nail with the fear inside of her that nothing she does in this world will help her escape from that undeniable truth?¡±
A vicious turbulence was surging inside of those glassy eyes. Her words felt malicious, but beneath that perceived malice I could sense genuine curiosity. It was that wondering of hers that made her words so potent. Was someone asking out of spite really capable of striking at the heart of the human condition the way she did? It was the first time I¡¯d been talked down to by a servant of God that effectively. She hit right at the heart of it all, with an inquisitive gaze that was searching my face for a reaction of any kind.
¡°You know what I think, Zoey?¡± She said, suddenly turning back to walk. I followed. ¡°I think atheism is a privilege. Think back to Samuel, the homeless man from earlier. Do you really think it¡¯s fair to tell him that this one life is all that he has? That this dead-end of a reality that he¡¯s been dealt is the entire truth of it? Of course not. Of course he has no choice but to believe in God. Because if not, then how can he go on living in such a harsh world? How can he live with the fact that his only conscious experiences will be of the miserable hand that this world has dealt him? That¡¯s why I think of Atheism as a privilege. Because only those who¡¯ve been dealt a fair hand can afford to believe that what they¡¯re experiencing right now is all there is.¡±
¡°No, you have it backwards,¡± I spoke up finally. ¡°They should be cursing whatever God it is that condemned them to their misfortune. Why would they choose to worship a God that takes so much joy in human suffering? Why should they believe in a God that casts them down into the depths of human suffering while the morally bankrupt thrive?¡±
¡°Maybe so, that is one way of looking at it. So, is that the kind of atheist you are, Zoey? The one whose been wronged by the world and so she turns the anger inside of her back outward and points it at God?¡±
My mouth opened to respond, but the words didn¡¯t come out.
It was a sudden surge.
The shock caused my body suddenly jerked forward.
The sensation of having my consciousness wrestled from me was like having ice-cold water dumped over my body.
I denied it.
I won¡¯t have my body taken.
Not now.
¡°Zoey?¡±
Laura appeared concerned, but I couldn¡¯t find the strength to answer her.
My consciousness was being put through a blender.
Was Tristan hacking me?
Why?
Why now?
Wasn¡¯t he supposed to be out with Gwen for her birthday?
Was it a lie?
Were they conspiring against me?
No, I confirmed it with Lawrence earlier.
They were definitely meeting up at the mall.
So was it a group conspiracy with all of the mall-goers?
No, it couldn¡¯t be. Ben and Tristan don¡¯t get along, and Tristan wouldn¡¯t risk telling Ben¡¯s girlfriend anything either.
So then, why?
Why was I being hacked?
¡°Are you okay?¡± Laura asked. ¡°Do you need to sit down?¡±
I did everything in my power to force it out.
The external threat.
The intruder.
I used every scrap of familiarity I had with Dream Paralysis and pulled the plunging prongs aiming at my prefrontal cortex out of my head.
¡°God¡¡±
¡°God?¡±
The pressure on my brain was finally relieved.
It was like the sweet sensation of a cramp finally letting up, where the pain immediately dissipates into something vague.
¡°No, not God God, but¡ nevermind. I¡¯m fine.¡± I recentered myself. ¡°I just felt a migraine coming on, that¡¯s all.¡±
I searched the immediate area as discreetly as I could manage in my daze. There wasn¡¯t anyone conspicuous nearby that I could see. Not that it mattered. Dream Paralysis was a remote power that could only be activated during REM sleep. Still, that wasn¡¯t a normal hack. While some of the sensations were similar, it felt like an entirely different experience. It was as if my mind was incompatible with whatever it was had just tried to take control of me. Was I growing resistant to Dream Paralysis?
¡°Do you want to head home?¡± Laura asked. ¡°I can call you an Uber.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s fine. False alarm.¡±
¡°I see, then that¡¯s good. We¡¯re here anyhow.¡±
I turned to where Laura was gesturing and found that we had been standing right before the sushi place this entire time. Just how shaken up was I by her questioning to not have noticed it? My eyes took in the sight of the tables with Japanese-style umbrellas hanging over them. The aesthetically pleasing eating spot cemented within me once again the impression that Deer Valley State was a magical place.
¡°Right. Can I leave the ordering to you?¡± I asked, still rubbing my temple. ¡°I¡¯m fine with whatever you¡¯re having.¡±
¡°Sure, and for a drink?¡±
¡°Water¡¯s fine.¡±
She smiled and headed over to the counter to make the order. I took a seat at one of the tables and immediately took my phone out to call Tristan. I needed to find out what was going on over there. Did he bail on the mall trip just to hack me? What exactly was going on?
¡°Uh, hello?¡± Thankfully, it didn¡¯t take long for him to answer the phone. He must not have been doing anything important.
¡°Did you just try to hack me?¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Give Gwen the phone.¡±
¡°W-what, but?¡±
¡°Right now.¡±
After a few moments of silence, the phone shuffled and eventually Gwen¡¯s voice filtered in from the other side.
¡°Who is this?¡± she asked.
¡°What are you guys doing right now?¡±
¡°What? No happy birthday?¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry. I thought people stopped looking forward to those after they hit 30,¡± I said.
¡°We¡¯re in the same year, dumbass.¡±
¡°Really? Those bags under your eyes could have fooled me.¡±
The line went quiet outside of the sound of the cheesy pop music that must have been coming from the speakers inside of a store. She was clearly doing her best to rein in her frustration. It was her fault anyway. Her birthday¡¯s on Tuesday. Why was she being so confrontational?
¡°What the fuck do you want? I¡¯m trying to enjoy my day right now, so you¡¯re the last person I want to be talking to.¡±
¡°Well, I was just curious about what Tristan was doing just now.¡±
¡°Huh? Just now? We¡¯re just checking out clothing stores. He¡¯s with me, Nao, and Law right now. The rest of them are off somewhere.¡±
There was no reason for her to lie, and I couldn¡¯t sense any defensiveness in her voice. I had to believe that she was telling the truth. But if Tristan really wasn¡¯t sleeping, then that only leaves two possibilities.
¡°By the way, how¡¯s the Warren situation?¡± I asked.
¡°Huh? It¡¯s fine. He hasn¡¯t done anything weird. Look, is this going to be a thing for the rest of today? I don¡¯t feel like putting up with this bullshit. If you wanted to come then you should¡¯ve begged. Heh, maybe I¡¯d have considered it if you got on your knees.¡±
I thought about telling her about how that wouldn¡¯t be a good thing for her relationship with Ben, but I decided to ease up on her. At the very least, she did provide me with some valuable information.
¡°Nevermind, I¡¯m hanging up now. Do enjoy your birthday, Gwen. I mean that sincerely.¡±
¡°Yeah right. Drop dead, cunt.¡±
She hung up.
This revelation did nothing to ease the sense of dread building up inside of me. Tristan really was at the mall with Gwen and company. And worse off, he¡¯s been wide awake this entire time. This could only mean two things. One, it¡¯s possible for Tristan to hack people while he¡¯s awake. But would he really do something like that right now of all times? It could have been a mistake on his part, but he would¡¯ve told me outright if that were the case. The other, and more likely explanation has more terrifying implications.
There is a very distinct possibility that there exists someone else with the power of Dream Paralysis.
But why? And why would they target me of all people, just one week after Tristan revealed his own abilities to me? Something wasn¡¯t right. It¡¯s as if, in that short time frame, someone figured out that I had a connection to Dream Paralysis and was trying to pry me for information.
But who? Who could it be? Was it Warren? He¡¯s the only person observant enough to come to such a conclusion, but he didn¡¯t seem to be aware of the power at all. Plus, he was wide awake and hanging out at the mall.
No,.. I shouldn¡¯t assume things. The fact that it might be possible to hack people while awake is still on the table. But if that¡¯s the case, then aren¡¯t I screwed? They know that I¡¯m connected to Dream Paralysis, and they¡¯re free to attack me with their invisible gun from any angle. Knowing that I¡¯m being fired at by an invisible gun might help me duck for cover, but it won¡¯t do anything insofar as identifying the gunman, yet alone disarming him.
At the very least, I should be careful with the people around me today. I need to assume that any one of them could be the culprit behind the hack.
¡°I¡¯m back. They should be here in like ten minutes.¡±
As Laura handed me the bottled water she procured after making her order, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if she was the hacker. The timing was suspicious. It was just after she jabbed at me with questions about my beliefs, as if she were making a statement that God does, in fact, exist. Was it possible, or was I just being paranoid? This power, whatever it is, truly terrified me. I was slowly beginning to accept that navigating this situation long-term would take the entirety of my focus from now on. My grades would fall, and my ability to deftly manage my social circle as I had will probably decline. But this is life or death. I need to gain control over this.
Thinking that, I placed my face on my palm and smiled at the girl before me.
¡°Are you a virgin, Laura?¡±
¡°Hmm? I am. Why?¡±
An instant answer. She must not be embarrassed about her sexuality.
¡°Just curious. I heard rumors that you had a boyfriend, so I was wondering if you¡¯d done it with him yet.¡±
¡°Mmm, nope.¡±
¡°Why not?¡± I asked.
¡°Need to get married for that.¡±
¡°I understand.¡±
I took a sip of my water. She really was dedicated to playing the part of a good little believer.
¡°What about you?¡± she asked. ¡°Have you had sex before?¡±
¡°Unfortunately not.¡±
¡°Oh, are you that curious about it?¡±
¡°And you¡¯re not?¡±
¡°A little, but not as much as it seems to excite other people my age,¡± she said while taking a sip of her own drink.
¡°Seriously? Have you ever even masturbated before?¡±
¡°Nope.¡±
¡°Jesus Christ.¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t think He¡¯s ever masturbated either,¡± she said.
I stared her dead in the eyes, and she stared back eerily. It¡¯s like she was smiling without smiling, and she wanted me to know that.
¡°What? There¡¯s no commandment against having a sense of humor,¡± she said after a moment of silence.
¡°No, I¡¯m just surprised, is all. I think it¡¯s normal to be curious about things like sex and parties. From the outside, it must sound like a ton of fun.¡±
¡°I won¡¯t deny that. But when you¡¯ve lived a life of abstinence for long enough, the temptation sort of just leaves your body after a while. I love my boyfriend with all my heart, but I won¡¯t go that far with him until we get married in the future.¡±
It was a concept as foreign as living spirits or supernatural body possession. She wasn¡¯t merely referring to winning a battle against her own curiosity or biological urges. No. There were so many external pressures, from society and one¡¯s social circles, that push the average person in the direction of things like sex. It would take only a special kind of either discipline to resist the ultimate pleasure in that kind of environment. Or depravity I suppose, in my case.
Either way, that purity of hers infuriated me.
That someone would play the angel before me with a straight face was enough to cause me to flip this table off into a group of students walking by.
And if she really is the one who hacked me, then I decided to make sure to drag it out of her screaming.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - VI
¡°Oh my god, happy early birthday Gwen!! I¡¯m so glad you invited me!¡±
The sight of Naomi and Gwen hugging was a picture more akin to one of best friends who hadn¡¯t seen each other in years rather than two friends meeting up for a weekend at the mall. Was this how girls always acted with one another, or was their friendship just that much deeper than I¡¯d initially thought?
¡°I¡¯m glad you could make it, Nao. It¡¯s nice to see you.¡±
Gwen¡¯s eyes drifted over to me, and I ended up flashing her a nervous smile. She was wearing a long-sleeved purple sweater that revealed much of her shoulders, something I imagine would not have flown well at school considering the dress code. That aside, since her current piece of clothing was also a purple sweater, it seemed that Naomi¡¯s hastily chosen gift might not have been a bad one after all.
I avoided her gaze just as quickly as I smiled at her, however, as I had decided it would be in my best interest to avoid any unnecessary tension with Ben, who I could tell was already drilling holes into me with his intense gaze. There was no reason to make things worse for me by staring too much at his girlfriend.
Beside the two of them, my eyes landed squarely on Lawrence and Penny, who also ended up saying their hellos to Naomi and myself, and then Warren, who was staring off into the distance a little ways off from the group.
¡°Oh, I got you something by the way.¡± Naomi turned back to her seat and picked up the bag we¡¯d gotten at the store earlier. ¡°Hope you like it!¡±
¡°A gift? Nao, you shouldn¡¯t have.¡±
¡°Yeah, you really shouldn¡¯t have,¡± Lawrence said, looking away with a crystal-clear expression of guilt coloring his face.
¡°Don¡¯t bring Nao down to your level just because you didn¡¯t get me anything,¡± Gwen said.
¡°Sorry Gwen, I¡¯ve just been so busy lately that¡¡± Penny¡¯s voice lost its vigor halfway into her explanation.
¡°Quit it with the theatrics.¡± Lawrence picked up. ¡°You said you were fine with us not getting you anything.¡±
¡°I said the same thing to Nao, though. That didn¡¯t stop her.¡± She pulled the turtleneck out of the bag and stared at it in awe. ¡°Oh wow, this is so cute! I¡¯m glad you got me something I¡¯d actually wear.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s a relief! I kind of picked it instinctively so I started second guessing myself after I walked out of the store, but...¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s great. Thank you, Nao.¡±
The smile of satisfaction on Naomi¡¯s face told me everything I needed to know. I was glad to have forced the issue. If she hadn¡¯t gotten it, then I¡¯m sure that she wouldn¡¯t have been as elated. It was just the kind of injection that the two of them needed to brighten their day.
¡°What about Tristan then?¡±
Benjamin¡¯s voice was like booming thunder jolting my heart out of my rib cage.
¡°Huh? What about him?¡± Gwen asked.
¡°Do you think he got you anything?¡±
With the attention of everyone suddenly focused on me, I found that coming up with the safest answer was far more difficult than it should have been. In fact, it was so tense that Naomi had decided to speak up to help me out.
¡°Actually he-¡±
¡°No,¡± I interrupted her. ¡°I didn¡¯t get her anything either.¡±
However, I decided that it would be better to go with the flow. Sure, it was my idea for Naomi to get Gwen a gift, but since the others hadn¡¯t gotten her one, it was probably better to avoid saying anything more than I needed to.
¡°What,¡± Gwen started, elbowing Ben gently. ¡°Would you have been jealous if he had? Hmm?¡±
¡°Shut up. Let¡¯s go buy you something.¡±
¡°Whaaat?¡± Gwen pouted. ¡°But I¡¯m hungryyyyy. Let¡¯s eat first.¡±
¡°No way. I¡¯m not gonna be outdone by Naomi.¡±
She was deflecting. It seemed like Gwen really was serious about softening his jabs at me. I felt my body loosening with relief as my medication fatigue continued to weigh down on me.
¡°Aww, Bennyben is jealous.¡± Naomi poked his cheek. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll make sure to take over your boyfriend duties from now on. Right Gwen?¡±
¡°What are you talking about? I¡¯m not¡¡± Ben scratched his head. Never mind. Come on guys, let¡¯s go.¡±
Benjamin walked off in the direction of a nearby women¡¯s clothing store with so much purpose in his step that you¡¯d think he was late for a basketball game. I guess it made sense. Now that his basketball career was potentially ruined and that Zoey was no longer an option for him, it was certainly possible that Gwen was all he had left. In that sense, not having prepared a gift for her might have hurt his pride. Still, it was the first time I¡¯d seen her smile like that since their breakup. Perhaps the long shadow that Zoey had cast over her was finally beginning to recede from the picture.
¡°Seriously? I don¡¯t actually need anything, guys¡¡±
¡°Don¡¯t say that! We¡¯re your friends! Of course we¡¯re going to want to get you something.¡± Penny, having said those words, ran off behind Ben. And Warren, who hadn¡¯t said a single word beyond his initially greeting, followed behind the both of them.
¡°Looks like you made a real mess of things, huh Gwen?¡± Lawrence chuckled.
¡°What? I just thanked Nao for her gift, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Yeah, yeah. So Tristan, what kind of moves did you pull on Zoey anyway?¡±
I blinked twice. ¡°Moves¡?¡±
¡°Lawrence, why would you even¡¡± Gwen sighed.
¡°What? Surely he¡¯s the reason Zoey¡¯s single right now, right? I just wanna know how he got that dusty old prude to take an interest in him. Don¡¯t worry, I won¡¯t tell Ben.¡±
¡°She¡¯s not interested in me. We just talked about world history. She was helping me and Lance out on our paper.¡±
¡°Oh yes, that old ¡®helping me with my homework¡¯ story. Good one,¡± Lawrence sung it as if it were a classical piece of folk music I just wasn¡¯t cultured enough to have heard before.
He was suspicious of me, but I doubted that he had anything. He shouldn¡¯t know that Zoey and I were close, even if he knew about the photography club. There was nothing to talk about with him.
¡°Lance, huh?¡± Gwen pondered. ¡°Speaking of, where is the old rabbit anyway?¡±
¡°Rabbit?¡± I asked.
Gwen nodded her head, as if it were obvious. ¡°Only someone as lucky as a rabbit could be that loved by Naomi while being¡ like that.¡±
¡°Like what?¡±
¡°What? You hang out with him all the time and you¡¯re going to pretend not to know?¡±
I definitely knew, but I wasn¡¯t exactly planning on saying anything bad about him. I glanced at Naomi, and she seemed more interested in taking in her surroundings than defending his honor.
¡°Well, I think he¡¯s cool,¡± I said.
¡°I¡¯d hope so. You¡¯re the one who spends every day with him.¡±
¡°Hey, I think he¡¯s cool too,¡± Lawrence joined in. ¡°Really interesting guy.¡±
¡°Seriously¡?¡±
¡°Hey Naomi. What made you fall in love with him anyway?¡± he asked, ignoring Gwen.
¡°You¡¯re just asking her so you can use it on other girls,¡± Gwen said. ¡°Don¡¯t answer him, Nao.¡±
¡°Hey, don¡¯t ruin the fun. I¡¯m just curious.¡±
¡°Hmmm,¡± Naomi pondered, finally redirecting her attention to the conversation. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to describe it. He¡¯s just¡ like a summer breeze.¡±
¡°Like¡ what?¡± Lawrence¡¯s expression did nothing to hide his confusion. ¡°No, I mean like, what did he say to make you fall in love with him?¡±
¡°What did he say? Uhmm, he was talking about¡ Oh, you were there Tristan. Remember? About mutism?¡±
¡°Mutism? Ohh.¡±
Of course, I remembered it clearly. It was during our first year, and it was the first time a girl had approached either of us. Back then, Naomi was a scary girl who would pick fights with whoever set her off that day. It¡¯s hard to even think back to it now since she¡¯s a completely different person now, but that was basically it. We just so happened to be within range of her that day.
¡°Wait, mutism? Like he¡¯s got superpowers?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°What? No, not mutant-ism,¡± Gwen said, staring at Lawrence as if he had just answered a 3rd grade math question incorrectly. ¡°Mutism. Like, you can¡¯t speak.¡±
¡°Yeah, that.¡± Naomi continued. ¡°It was one of the strangest conversations I¡¯d ever listened to. I was walking to class on my own one day when I heard him arguing with Trist about whether being mute was a good or bad thing for making friends.¡±
¡°It¡¯s pretty obviously a bad thing,¡± Gwen said as we entered the store. We were enveloped by the light sounds of a pop song that I didn¡¯t recognize. ¡°Feels like unless everyone knows sign language then you¡¯re probably playing at a disadvantage.¡±
¡°I thought so too, but apparently he disagreed.¡±
¡°So your boyfriend¡¯s a fucking idiot then.¡± Gwen sighed.
¡°Well, he had his own reasoning.¡±
¡°Reasoning? Oh yeah, I¡¯d love to hear this,¡± Lawrence said, grinning.
¡°He said that people never really listen to others when they speak anyway. A lot of people¡¯s goals in conversations are just to be validated by someone else. To have them react to your jokes, to listen to your troubles, to acknowledge your feelings, to boost your confidence. It¡¯s all a big jerk-off with no real back and forth. Besides on, you know, small silly things that don¡¯t really matter. ¡®Who wants to listen to someone else blabber about their own problems or talk about themselves nonstop? Just pay attention to me instead!¡¯ is I think what he said. And of course, taking that into account, he introduced the topic of their conversation. The silent listener. Offering nonverbal positive feedback to everything that you could possibly have to say.¡±
¡°So, he¡¯s scapegoating people with an actual condition to make his point?¡± Gwen asked.
¡°Yeah, he was.¡± Naomi had said it with so much affection in her voice that I thought she was going to fall over.
¡°So¡ what about that made you fall in love with him?¡±
¡°It didn¡¯t. In fact, it got on my nerves listening to him talk about that stuff. He didn¡¯t know the first thing about people like that, so why was he talking about them so casually just to make his point? When I said that to him, he made a weird face and asked me if I knew any. I said no. He asked what they¡¯d think if they heard him say that. I said I thought that they¡¯d probably be upset. Then he asked if I would put a thousand dollars on it.¡±
¡°I¡¯d take him up on that.¡± Lawrence smiled, knowing that neither him nor Lance had a thousand dollars to either of their names.
¡°You would? I didn¡¯t. I don¡¯t really know anything about it. And, actually, it really bothered me that I wouldn¡¯t take him up on it right after I came on so strongly. So much so that I kept on thinking about it for weeks after it happened. I justified it for a while. ¡®Maybe he has a pick-me mute friend who lets him think that saying that kind of stuff is okay¡¯. But then I started digging even deeper, and that¡¯s when I started questioning myself. What about it was so terrible that I just had to step in like that? Why did I feel like fighting on behalf of mute people when I had never interacted with any first-hand in my entire life? It kinda bothered me that I was so compelled to step in and fight him, to see the bad in what he was saying. I hated how angry I was. And looking at him and how happy and free he was in saying it kinda made me jealous. Like he didn¡¯t think twice about if he was being perceived as rude or not, because he knew that there was nothing demeaning or detracting in what he was saying. That¡¯s when I kinda realized that the argument wasn¡¯t like, a real argument. He was just having fun. And I felt like a complete idiot for letting my pessimism lead me by the nose when he was just out here enjoying himself with Trist.¡±
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Naomi spun the clothing rack around while looking at the different women¡¯s tops hanging off of it, then turned back to face Gwen. ¡°So if I had to pick a reason, it¡¯s because he made me remember what it¡¯s like to be a kid again.¡±
As Naomi¡¯s words hung in the air, the sensation of my phone vibrating in my pocket snapped me out of it. I wasn¡¯t expecting any calls, so I could only assume that my parents were checking up on me. However, when I saw the word ¡°Captain¡± flashing across my screen, I panicked and quickly answered the phone.
¡°Uh, hello?¡±
¡°Did you just try to hack me?¡±
¡°What?¡±
I was taken by surprise. Hack her? I had no idea what she was talking about. She should have known that I was at the mall with Gwen and company for her birthday. Was it some kind of a trick question?
¡°Give Gwen the phone.¡±
¡°W-what, but?¡±
¡°Right now.¡±
Her stern tone of voice terrified me. It was like a military sergeant giving marching orders to a dopey-eyed private. Deciding not to protest too much, I handed the phone over to Gwen. She flashed me a strange look, but decided to answer it anyway.
¡°Who is this?¡±
Once Zoey answered her, the look on her face eased into a terrifying grin.
¡°What? No happy birthday?¡±
She quickly walked off to have the conversation.
¡°Hey Mr. Popular, who was that?¡±
Without missing a beat, Lawrence cozied up to me by wrapping his arm around my shoulder, eager to get in on the secret.
¡°Huh? Oh, just someone who wanted to talk to Gwen.¡±
¡°Someone, huh?¡±
As it turns out, I was still a terrible liar. And Lawrence¡¯s hounding was not making it easy to change the topic.
¡°You can just tell him who it is,¡± Naomi said, turning to face us. ¡°He¡¯s going to find out eventually.¡±
¡°Find out? Find out what?¡± he asked.
¡°Trist joined the photography club.¡±
¡°Oh, really?¡± For some reason, Lawrence didn¡¯t seem very surprised at all. ¡°That¡¯s cool. Good for you man! I don¡¯t know if we should tell Ben though, wouldn¡¯t he take that pretty badly? He already looks like he wants to beat Tristan to a pulp.¡±
Lawrence saying that with a smile on his face was a bit concerning, but I¡¯ll pretend that it was just a joke.
¡°He¡¯s gonna find out eventually,¡± Gwen shrugged, returning my phone. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what the two of them talked about, but I couldn¡¯t just go ahead and ask it in front of everyone else.
¡°And what about you?¡± Lawrence joked. ¡°Aren¡¯t you mad that this guy¡¯s cozying up to Zoey?¡±
¡°It¡¯s none of my business. As long as she stays away from Ben then the rest of you can go to hell for all I care.¡±
¡°Yikes.¡± Lawence grimaced. ¡°Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today.¡±
Naomi giggled at the conversation unfolding before us. The girl Lance had reintroduced to her child-like outlook on the world. It¡¯s true, he does have that effect on people. Hanging out with him is like having the wind at your back and wanting nothing more than to enjoy the moment as you¡¯re lurched forward into the unknown. But for someone like me, that kind of naivety is just impossible.
For example, even now, I¡¯m wondering why they¡¯re all so cool with Gwen inviting me to hang out today. They barely even knew I existed before last week, so what was the point of all of this? Were they pining for information on Zoey? Or was this really just Gwen¡¯s way of showing me gratitude for everything? My hyperactive imagination was preventing me from sitting and enjoying my time with them in this new environment. I was jealous that Naomi felt like she could just smile without a care. It¡¯s something I wished that I could enjoy on my own too.
¡°Gwennn!¡± Penny ran up to us with her own shopping bag in hand, though this one was much smaller than the one Naomi had handed over. An expression of relief dyed with a hint of emotional fatigue was present on her face as she looked over at her friend. ¡°I got you a present!¡±
¡°Penny, really. You didn¡¯t have to.¡±
¡°Of course I did! We¡¯re besties, right?¡±
Gwen reached into the bag and unveiled Penny¡¯s gift to her, a brand-new black bracelet with a moon charm mounted in the center.
¡°Wow, it¡¯s great. You really shouldn¡¯t have.¡±
Why did it sound like she really thought that Penny shouldn¡¯t have?
¡°Yep yep, and look!¡± Penny raised her arm, revealing that she was wearing a white bracelet with a sun charm attached. ¡°We match!¡±
¡°Oh, this is a friendship bracelet,¡± Gwen said.
¡°No shit,¡± Lawrence chided, before getting elbowed by Gwen. The girl then slipped the item onto her wrist, then examined it for a moment.
¡°Yep, we totally match now,¡± Penny said, reaching to grab Gwen¡¯s hand and lifting it up to their faces. The sun and the moon shared a passionate kiss as their arms came together in unity before us. Even Gwen, who I was used to observing with a huge frown tugging down at her cheeks, couldn¡¯t help but smile.
¡°Thanks Penny, I love it.¡±
¡°Really?! Oh my god, that¡¯s great!¡± She wrapped her arms around Gwen. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry I couldn¡¯t get you something more expensive. I really wanted to since you deserve better, but¡¡±
¡°No, this is plenty. It means a ton Pen, thanks.¡±
I didn¡¯t know much about Penny Taylor, but from the few times I¡¯d seen the two of them together, their connection did seem genuine. So much so that she was willing to hang out with someone like Benjamin for her sake. Because God knows why anyone besides Gwen would put themselves through that.
¡°Now it¡¯s my turn.¡± Speaking of the devil, Benjamin had just rejoined us with his own shopping bag in hand. ¡°Happy birthday babe.¡±
¡°Ben¡¡± she smiled while accepting the bag. However, whatever she found inside had given her enough pause to melt her smile away. ¡°How much was this?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. I had to go out through the back and find it at a different store though, so it took a while.¡±
What she had in her hand was a bottle of perfume that could not possibly have been cheap. The name of the perfume, which I remember distinctly as being French, added to the perceived exclusivity of the fragrance that Gwen had now owned. However, I couldn¡¯t help but feel like the bottle itself looked familiar.
¡°Do you have the sample card?¡± she asked.
¡°Oh, yeah. Yeah totally. Check it out.¡±
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white rectangular card which he handed to Gwen. She inhaled the scent coming off the card after placing it next to her nose.
¡°Hmm¡ yeah, this is really good! Come try it, Penny.¡±
¡°Okay,¡± Penny said, appearing a bit anxious about the whole situation. However, the look on her face had all changed after she took one whiff of the card. ¡°Wow, you¡¯re going to have such a fancy scent now, Gwen.¡±
¡°I know, right? This is great!¡±
¡°Okay, now I¡¯m curious,¡± Naomi said, receiving the card from Gwen after asking permission then taking its scent in. ¡°Oooh, not bad! This smells like some really expensive stuff. Here Trist, you try it too.¡±
She held the card out to me. It was a simple act of kindness on her part, but the reverence I felt toward her in that moment was almost religious. She was making sure to extend the offer to me so that I felt included in the group. I smiled at her as a show of thanks, then inhaled the scent wafting off the card.
¡°Oh.¡±
An image of Zoey flashed through my vision. I quickly looked around for any sight of her, but I couldn¡¯t find the girl herself anywhere. Was it my imagination? No, of course it wasn¡¯t. How could it be? What made me believe that she was here was, of course, the scent of cinnamon coming off the sample card. There was only one conclusion to be drawn from this.
A horrifying realization suddenly came over me. This guy wanted his girlfriend to carry the same scent that Zoey Brahm did. Was it a conscious decision on his part, or just a coincidence? I turned to Ben, who was chatting happily with Gwen over the gift. The fact that he was allowing the card to be handed around so casually was either a sign that he wasn¡¯t aware of it himself, or that he believed no one else would notice.
The bright light of a camera¡¯s flash filled my retinas. After my vision returned, I stared at Naomi who was smiling with her phone held up in front of her.
¡°Sorry, you were making such a weird face that I couldn¡¯t resist.¡±
¡°Oh, was I? I guess I must have just really liked it.¡±
¡°Really? Here, let me try it too,¡± Lawrence said before receiving the card from Naomi and trying it out. ¡°Wait, this¡¡±
Lawrence appeared to have realized it too. Of course he would. Besides Ben, only Lawrence and I spent any repeated amount of time in close proximity to Zoey. Or was it just that guys are quicker to assign scents to the women that they¡¯re attracted to? Regardless of the reason, it¡¯s one thing to recognize that someone wears perfume. But to be so consciously aware of their signature scent that you could spot it in a crowd of different aromas is something else entirely. How did Ben find this?
¡°Hmm? What¡¯s wrong?¡± Naomi asked Lawrence.
¡°No, it¡¯s nothing. I was just surprised at how expensive this thing probably was.¡° He turned back to face Ben, just as I had. Naturally, he probably wouldn¡¯t say anything about it in front of Gwen. It would ruin the entire day if this came out.
¡°Well, I guess I should try it too...¡± Warren, who had returned to the group silently at around the same time that Penny had, took the card from Lawrence and sniffed it audibly, to the point where it was almost disturbing.
¡°Why do you do that? Don¡¯t make so much noise,¡± Penny said, in a rare bout of irritation.
¡°Oh sorry,¡± he apologized then redirected his attention to the card. ¡±Wait, this¡ doesn¡¯t this smell like Zo-¡±
A hand suddenly covered Warren¡¯s mouth before I realized what was happening. My brain hadn¡¯t processed it nearly as quickly as Lawrence¡¯s had. Was he about to say what I think he was?
¡°Like zoo? Warren, come on man. Be nice about Ben¡¯s gift. He spent a lot of money on it. Uh, excuse me guys. Can you wait for us at the food court? Me and Warren need to talk in private for a bit.¡±
Gwen turned back to Lawrence with a bewildered expression. ¡°What the fuck? Where are they going?¡±
¡°They must have decided to go buy you something after seeing my gift, huh babe?¡± Ben grinned.
¡°Pfft, yeah maybe. But don¡¯t worry, a gift from my Ben is always going to be the best.¡±
The two of them wrapped their arms around one another, staring into each other¡¯s eyes as they slowly danced to Blank Space by Taylor Swift as it reverberated through the clothing store. It was a sight so sickening that I couldn¡¯t stand to be there for even another minute.
¡°Uh, I¡¯ll go check up on them¡¡± I quietly muttered the words before slipping away from the group of three girls and Benjamin. I had no doubt that they were going to talk about the perfume, and I wanted to be there to listen to the conversation. I thought I caught a glimpse of Gwen raising her hand at me in the corner of my vision, but I decided that I must have been seeing things when I left.
Eventually, I caught up with them and found the two entering a dressing room in one of the corners of the store, and I steeled myself to follow them through the curtains.
¡°I¡¯m coming in,¡± I said as I parted them.
¡°What? Why did you follow us?¡± Lawrence said, obviously displeased.
¡°I came to talk about what you guys were about to talk about.¡±
¡°Oh yeah?¡± he smiled. ¡°And what would that be?¡±
¡°Zoey.¡±
Both of their expressions hardened when I said her name. Of course, this was the first time I had been assertive with any members of that clique when it came to talking about Zoey, so this was uncharted territory for me.
¡°What about her?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°If you¡¯re going to play dumb then maybe I¡¯ll just go talk to Gwen about it.¡±
¡°Wait. Okay man, relax. I get it.¡± He sighed. ¡°So, this stays under wraps, right? I mean, if Gwen finds out, then¡¡±
¡°I guess so. The group¡¯s gonna implode on itself,¡± Warren continued, seeming to have already been briefed by Lawrence. Truth be told, Lawrence aside, it surprised me that Warren recognized her scent so quickly. Was he also into her, by any chance?
¡°So Tristan,¡± Lawrence turned back to me. ¡°Can we count on you to keep quiet about it?¡±
¡°If you guys want to then I guess I¡¯ll keep quiet too, but like¡ don¡¯t you think you¡¯re doing more harm than good by not telling her the truth?¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡± he asked.
¡°Well, it¡¯s just not a real relationship. Ben¡ as much as I hate to say it¡ doesn¡¯t seem to even be thinking about Gwen all that much. He just looks bitter that he can¡¯t have the girl he really wanted, and now he¡¯s going to mold his second choice into being just like her.¡±
I couldn¡¯t imagine how she¡¯d react to realizing that. Besides, what if she heard about the similarities in their perfumes from some stranger or from Zoey herself, then realized that none of us even bothered to tell her the truth?
¡°I don¡¯t think it¡¯s quite that bad,¡± Lawrence said with a smile. ¡°I mean, isn¡¯t that what relationships are? You trying to make your partner into the version of themselves that you¡¯re the most attracted to?¡±
¡°I wouldn¡¯t know,¡± I said, staring away for a moment. ¡°But at the very least, I think you should love your partner for who they are at least a little.¡±
¡°And you think Ben doesn¡¯t? They dated for years before the Zoey thing came up. You don¡¯t know anything about them, man. You¡¯re just some guy she invited because¡¡±
Lawrence held his tongue. Whatever he was about to say, he probably didn¡¯t want me to hear it. But whatever the reason, I knew why she had actually invited me. And it had to do with my help in getting his team to lose the basketball game. I didn¡¯t have any interest in whatever phony excuse she fed him to get him to agree with me being there.
¡°Yeah, I¡¯m not your friend. But that¡¯s why I can say this stuff without worrying about some magical friend group implosion. And besides, it doesn¡¯t take a friend to know just how much Gwen despises Zoey.¡±
¡°Lawrence,¡± Warren suddenly spoke up. ¡°She¡¯s going to find out eventually. It might not be from Tristan or from either of us, but Zoey is popular. Someone is going to recognize the scent. And when they do, it could break her.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡± Lawrence scratched his head in frustration. It looked like he was going through the dilemma of a century. ¡°Ben man, you are such a piece of work...¡±
He sighed.
¡°The truth is,¡± Warren continued. ¡°I don¡¯t want to be the kind of friend who lets their friends do whatever selfish things they want anymore. I¡¯ve done that all my life, and this is where it¡¯s brought me. Things just get worse and worse, and it never gets better. And it¡¯s not just affecting me, but you too Law. And Penny. And Gwen.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡± Lawrence tried to fight back, but he eventually resigned with a sigh. ¡°Fine. Okay, how about this as a compromise then? Just let her have it today. It¡¯s her birthday outing. We planned this day for her, so let¡¯s at least let her enjoy it.¡±
¡°It¡¯s going to be ruined retroactively when she finds out anyway,¡± I said.
¡°Not all of it. When she looks back, she¡¯ll still be able to remember the fun stuff we did together. But if she finds out now, then the day¡¯s over and there won¡¯t be any fun stuff to remember.¡±
¡°You think so?¡± Warren asked.
¡°Well, it¡¯s worth a shot. Better than the alternative,¡± Lawrence said.
¡°Maybe.¡±
I heaved a sigh of relief. It seemed that things would be settled. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure how Gwen would take the perfume thing, but there¡¯s no doubt that it¡¯ll hurt her deep down to have her status as Zoey¡¯s replacement laid out so openly.
¡°Anyway, let¡¯s head back.¡± Lawrence smiled at me. ¡°Thanks for talking some sense into us Trist.¡±
¡°No... it¡¯s nothing.¡± I returned it nervously, then the three of us left the changing room and made our way to the food court.
¡°Still Warren, that was a surprise,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°How¡¯d you recognize Zoey¡¯s perfume so quickly?¡±
¡°I worked next to her for a year in Chemistry. It¡¯s kind of hard to miss.¡±
¡°Oh really? Did you two talk a lot?¡±
¡°No. Not really,¡± he said.
¡°Haha, figured as much. You¡¯re not really the sociable type.¡±
¡°But¡¡± he started.
¡°But?¡±
¡°I did find it strange that she never took notes.¡±
¡°Never?¡± Lawrence looked surprised.
¡°Not once. It¡¯s not all that uncommon to not take notes during Chemistry, but she somehow got perfect grades in the class. I was confused. I¡¯ve never seen anyone do that well in a class like that without taking notes.¡±
¡°Hmm. Yeah, that is weird. Did she take photos or something?¡±
¡°No, and there weren¡¯t that many notes on the whiteboard in the first place,¡± Warren said. ¡°Most of the information came from the teacher¡¯s mouth.¡±
I immediately realized, from Warren¡¯s explanation, how she managed to pass the class.
¡°Weird.¡± Lawrence folded his arms. ¡°Maybe her memory is just that good. Or she had someone else give her the notes. She¡¯s pretty popular after all.¡±
¡°I think the second option is more likely since her notebook was gradually being filled up as the year went by,¡± Warren said. ¡°What do you think, Tristan?¡±
¡°Huh? Uhm, maybe. She seems pretty dedicated to her school work though, so I think it¡¯s weird to depend on other people for notes like that. It¡¯s not like she¡¯s doing anything else in class, right?¡±
¡°I agree,¡± he said. ¡°But the upside is that she¡¯s focused more on the lecture than the actual note taking process, so she can internalize it better too.¡±
¡°Hold on,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°Why do we suddenly care so much about her not taking notes? Did it bother you that much?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know if it bothers me. I just think it¡¯s interesting, that¡¯s all. Right Tristan?¡±
¡°Huh? Uh, yeah¡¡± I didn¡¯t like where the conversation was going, so I was glad to have Lawrence step in and pull us away from the topic. Naturally, the reason she never took notes was probably because she didn¡¯t need to. The spy glasses she wore to school all the time basically doubled as her notebook, after all. Being able to re-watch lectures exactly as they¡¯re explained by the teacher was a huge advantage for studying. She could focus on the task at hand in class, then do her own notetaking at home that served to solidify her retention of said information. But this was her secret. I couldn¡¯t go on and explain it to others when she trusted me with it like that.
Speaking of Zoey, I still couldn¡¯t understand what it was that made her think that I¡¯d hacked her earlier. I hoped dearly that she was doing okay on her end.
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - VII
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
¡°And this is my dorm.¡± Laura let me into the cramped room that couldn¡¯t have been all that much bigger than my own bedroom. There were two beds, each resting against one side of the wall, a window serving as a room divider, as well as two small cupboards which I imagined contained most of the clothing that both herself and her roommate used.
¡°Intimate,¡± I said.
¡°Sure is.¡± She leaned on the door. ¡°But if you really want to move out of your mom¡¯s place like you said, then you¡¯ll have to get used to being intimate.¡±
I took the opportunity to walk in and take a look around. There appeared to be two religious paintings on the left wall of the room, hanging over the bed. On the side table next to the bed, I spotted more religious objects such as a book of scripture and a holy lockets resting comfortably. Lawrence certainly wasn¡¯t lying about her religious devotion. I took the moment to sit on her bed and stare at the girl herself while adjusting my glasses.
¡°By the way, Enzo goes here too, right?¡± I asked.
¡°Enzo? Who¡¯s that again?¡±
¡°Football team, a year below you, dating Krista¡¡±
¡°Oh, him? I think so. I haven¡¯t really seen him around much, though.¡±
Well, that¡¯s that. Seems like Lawrence was worried about nothing. It¡¯s almost as if I knew it the entire time. His obsession with his sister¡¯s purity creeped me out to no end. It was almost as bad as everything related to Tristan Collins. Still, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder why she was standing so awkwardly over by the door. Did she not want me to stay here? It appeared to me as if she was waiting for me to satisfy my curiosity so that we could leave as soon as possible. And if that were the case. How interesting.
¡°Come on, have a seat. Let¡¯s chat for a little bit,¡± I said.
She looked through the door and into the empty hall, pausing for a moment to consider her position, then closed the door behind her. It was the first time since we¡¯d met up today where I¡¯d seen visible cracks in that cold exterior of hers.
Indecisiveness.
Anxiety.
She probably figured that we were only swinging by to take a look at the dorms. And yet I pushed past that. A foreign entity had invaded her private living space and was making itself at home. It¡¯s no surprise that she was unsettled. But for me, it wasn¡¯t a question of if she was or wasn¡¯t on edge. It was how much could I push until I got her to voice that displeasure. Or would she play little miss perfect and let me do as I pleased without setting up a single boundary?
She was proud of her abstinence, and yet I had known her as a doormat from my time at Deer Valley High. She was taken advantage of and walked over more than someone of her reputation should have been. But how could sex be any different? How has she managed to protect that purity of hers for so long? It was a contradiction that required reconciliation.
¡°Come,¡± I said, tapping the spot next to me on the bed.
If ever there were a time that Laura smiled, it would probably be a moment in time when she genuinely meant it. However, the only expression I¡¯d ever seen on her face was one of apathy. She always wore an unreadable face, no matter where she was or who she was talking to. But that¡¯s exactly why the look of worry on her face was so palatable to me. Seeing that stone cold demeanor crack made her all the more appetizing. The impulse to devour her where she stood was difficult to contain.
¡°What did you want to chat about?¡±
¡°Nothing in particular,¡± I said. ¡°I just need to rest my legs for a bit.¡±
¡°Oh, sure.¡±
Seeming reassured, she decided to take the seat next to me. In that moment, I scooted up closer to make sure that we were just a breath apart.
¡°Gum?¡± She held out a stick for me.
¡°Is there something wrong with my breath? Why do you keep offering me gum?¡±
¡°Oh, no not at all. I just enjoy sharing, that¡¯s all. I¡¯d feel kinda antsy if I didn¡¯t offer you any.¡±
She¡¯s a weirdo. Nothing¡¯s going to change in an hour. What was going on in her head that made her think that this was okay? Whatever, it didn¡¯t matter. I needed to switch the topic.
¡°So, how much do you and Lawrence talk these days?¡±
¡°How much?¡± she repeated. ¡°Not much at all. We exchange a few messages every few days, but that¡¯s about it. I don¡¯t really know what¡¯s going on in his life at all.¡±
¡°Does he know that you have a boyfriend?¡±
¡°No, no one outside my friend circle really does. My parents would be all over me if I told them, so I try to keep it to myself.¡±
¡°Hmm.¡±
¡°Why? How is he?¡± she asked.
¡°He¡¯s doing well, just dealing with the fallout of the homecoming game.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s¡¡±
Her voice halted when she noticed me reaching out to touch her cheek. She could only meet my gaze with the same wide eyes from when she asked me about my view on death. I could sense something in this expression that was absent from that time, though. A distinct, creeping fear.
¡°What are you doing?¡± she asked.
¡°Rice.¡± I pulled my hand away and showed her a single grain of rice.
¡°Oh, thank you.¡±
Of course, the rice hadn¡¯t been stuck to her face at all, but she didn¡¯t need to know that.
¡°Earlier,¡± I said, looking up at the religious paintings. ¡°You asked what kind of atheist I was. You asked if I¡¯m the kind who lives in denial through material pleasure, or the kind that struggles every day with the fact that I¡¯m going to die.¡±
¡°I did,¡± she said, eyes shifting around. ¡°And?¡±
¡°Well, I¡¯m neither.¡±
¡°You can¡¯t be neither.¡±
¡°Why not?¡± I asked.
¡°To be neither is to reject your humanity. If you¡¯re not struggling with your own mortality, then you¡¯re running from it. Those are your only two options. Why do rich men who have more money than they¡¯ll ever need try so hard to increase their profit margins? Why do they want to make as much money as they possibly can? For what reason? For themselves? It¡¯s not a matter of survival for them, they¡¯re the most powerful men in the world. No. it¡¯s because it provides an escape. The validation that their net worth and fame awards them is enough to help them forget about the mundane pointless existence they lead. No matter how much success you attain in life, you¡¯re still human.¡±
¡°Can¡¯t say I¡¯ve ever met a nihilistic religious person before.¡±
¡°And you still haven¡¯t. Of course there¡¯s an afterlife. But if there are people who believe that there isn¡¯t, then there¡¯s only two paths for them, aren¡¯t there?¡±
¡°You¡¯re so adorable.¡± I leaned my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes shut. I had no idea what kind of expression she was wearing, but quite frankly I didn¡¯t care. ¡°But you¡¯re wrong, Laura. There is a third option.¡±
¡°Oh really? What is it?¡±
¡°To live in service of an idea.¡±
¡°An idea?¡±
Judging by the sound of her voice, and by the fact that she hadn¡¯t pushed me away as of yet, it was safe to assume that she was interested in what I was about to say. With that in mind, I took a moment to enjoy the feeling of her body warming mine as the flesh around her neck cupped my head.
¡°I hope you don¡¯t take offense to this Laura, but from my point of view, that book on your tabletop is like a cup of wine. It intoxicates both men and women alike, allowing them, in their drunken stupor, to rationalize the terror that is their own mortality. God could exist, I think it¡¯s more likely than most people would think. I would never be naive enough to say for certain that He doesn¡¯t. It¡¯s just, I¡¯d just rather not live my life in service of Him when there¡¯s so many other things I could do.¡±
¡°No offense taken,¡± she said. ¡°After all, by your logic then everyone is drunk, Zoey. Whether it¡¯s religious people, fans of celebrities, designer clothes, sports, TV shows, video games, movies, music, it¡¯s all a cup of wine.¡±
¡°There¡¯s a difference between drinking a cold beer at the end of the day and going through life with the constant buzz of a vintage red.¡±
¡°Is there?¡± she asked.
¡°No, I suppose there isn¡¯t. Not if you think that those are the only two options, I mean.¡±
She didn¡¯t respond. It sounded like she was carefully considering what I had been alluding at. The third option that she hadn¡¯t thought of before. If she¡¯s had this conversation with people before, then I suppose I should pat myself on the back for having given her something else to consider. ¡°Have you figured it out yet?¡±
¡°No, and I don¡¯t imagine I¡¯ll like what you¡¯re about to say either.¡±
My hand enveloped her own, allowing her skin to melt into mine and become one. She was tense, but she didn¡¯t refuse my touch.
¡°I view the world through a historical lens, Laura Young. One that views major world events as occurring due to the influence of overwhelming personalities: great men who carved the world at their own whims.¡±
I felt her gaze on the top of my head. She was observing me more intensely than before.
¡°So that¡¯s your answer to your life of mortality? To live on in the history books?¡±
¡°Not just to live there, but to be loved.¡±
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She seemed perplexed. ¡±Not anyone can die a Napoleon, you know.¡±
¡°Napoleon would be nice, but I¡¯m aiming for at least Andrew Jackson.¡± I grinned. ¡°Besides, I¡¯m not just anyone, Laura. I thought we made that abundantly clear already.¡±
At my words, she finally pulled herself away from me.
¡°I don¡¯t like this,¡± she muttered.
¡°No?¡±
¡°Andrew Jackson and Napoleon were exceptions among exceptions. To say that the only way for a human life to be validated is by living such an exceptional life is sad.¡±
¡°It is sad that everyone else¡¯s life isn¡¯t as grand or important as mine is, I agree.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m saying it¡¯s sad that you don¡¯t care about other people. You don¡¯t care about other people and their struggle with the looming insignificance of their own lives, just as long as they love you. That¡¯s all their lives are worth to you, isn¡¯t it? Tell me the truth, Zoey Brahm. You don¡¯t actually care about other people, do you?¡±
I allowed her to seep in the silence of her own words; words I had left drifting through the air like bubbles in a bath. She condemned and besmirched the ideology of the girl that had just been on her shoulder with no remorse. It was the first time I¡¯d ever seen the kind and calm Laura this rattled. And to be honest, it excited me more than anything else.
¡°Laura.¡±
¡°Great man theory. I¡¯ve heard of it before. You¡¯re a very masculine person, so I think it suits you. But if you think I¡¯m not going to let you know how I- ¡°
I grabbed her shoulder and forced her down to the bed.
¡°Wha-¡± She landed flatly on her back, and I pinned her down by her wrists, staring down into her dark eyes. She was flustered. The anxiety I¡¯d carefully stirred up inside of her was now being morphed into something more tangible. ¡°Zoey, what are you¡?¡±
She feared me. Those eyes of hers that don¡¯t betray the emotions inside of her were communicating a deep fear of what was about to happen next. It excited me. My face was probably contorting with a wicked joy that must have only exacerbated whatever she was feeling inside of her.
¡°Have you ever kissed your boyfriend, Laura?¡±
She looked away. ¡°I haven¡¯t. I¡¯m not going to do that until my wedding day.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°What if he¡¯s disappointed with your kissing after you finally get married?¡± I asked.
¡°I¡¯m not going to marry someone who¡¯d be disappointed with something like that.¡±
¡°You¡¯d deprive him of his girlfriend¡¯s lips for years only to disappoint him when he finally gets to taste them? Isn¡¯t that selfish of you?¡±
¡°I¡¡±
I licked my lips. ¡°Why don¡¯t we practice together?¡±
¡°Zoey¡?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s anything wrong with two girls sharing a friendly kiss. It¡¯s just practice, right?¡±
¡°Are you serious? That¡¯s¡¡±
¡°A sin? Laura, sin is what makes us human. We live, we sin, we repent, we die. I¡¯m familiar with what men are. The ravenous thing between their legs dictates their every thought and action. If a man can weather a sex-less, kiss-less relationship for you, then it can only mean that he must truly love you. Shouldn¡¯t you do your part to not disappoint him by not letting inexperience poison your marriage? Because I¡¯ll tell you right now, it¡¯s very possible that he¡¯ll feel trapped once he realizes that he needs to remain faithful to a dull girl who can¡¯t even kiss right. And at that point, infidelity becomes not just a possibility, but inevitable. Wouldn¡¯t it be better if you had your friend, one of the same gender, who has no sexual or romantic motives or feelings towards you, gently handing you criticism now in order to save your future marriage?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t¡¡±
¡°Laura¡ don¡¯t fight it. Just let me kiss you.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
Our lips were inches apart. Her eyes way shifting wearily between my lips, which were thirsting to trample over everything she stood for, and a possible escape. Her beliefs, her relationship, and my eyes, filled with hunger to defile Lawrence¡¯s fantastical idea of his ¡°saintly¡± sister. An erotic, emotional experience unlike anything either of us had probably ever experienced before. My intense disdain for what this person stood for had been propelling my desire to control her. It was that K-pop face that all the boys drooled over, and her ridiculous, Christ-like compassion for others. I wanted to destroy it all. To take her and drag her through the mud like the bitch I know she really can be deep down, and I want it all recorded through the secret camera built on the inside of my glasses.
¡°Zoey, I don¡¯t want this¡¡±
My face was flushed. I was drenched. Her protests somehow didn¡¯t seem very compelling. The redness on her face as she looked away betrayed any verbal protest she was offering me. I didn¡¯t care anymore. I needed to ruin her. To make up for how dreadfully the past 24 hours had gone, I was going to have my way with her.
And then came those dreaded three knocks. ¡°Excuse me,¡± said a voice from behind the door. I flinched from the sudden noise, and my glasses fell off my face when I jerked to look in the direction of the sound. The two of us faced it in silence, as if we¡¯d just woken up from a spell.
¡°Your roommate?¡±
¡°No, that was a man¡¯s voice.¡±
I lifted myself off her body.
¡°Sorry, I got kind of carried away,¡± I said.
¡°No, it¡¯s okay. Your intentions were good, that¡¯s what¡¯ matters. I¡¯m sorry for snapping at you too.¡±
My intentions were good. She offered the words up so casually to the woman who was aiming to defile her in her own dorm room. ¡®Your intentions were good¡¯. There should be a limit to how delusional someone can be.
The knocking continued. ¡°Excuse me, is anyone in here? This is urgent.¡±
¡°Uhm, I¡¯m sorry Zoey. Can you get that? I¡¯m kind of¡¡±
It looked like her legs were stiff. She was a God-fearing woman through and through. The trauma of a sexual encounter had turned her lower half into a Greek statue. How could someone like this exist in modern day America? Did she avoid every single song and movie that¡¯s ever been made? Does she not any kind of social media? No, of course she did. So how could a twenty-year old girl be so blissfully unaware?
¡°Sure. No problem.¡±
I made my way over to the door and opened it to the face of a middle-aged man in a janitor¡¯s uniform. Greasy strands of hair hung from the baseball cap he¡¯d worn over his head, hiding his expression.
¡°Ah, guten Tag Fraulein,¡° he said.
I tilted my head in confusion.
¡°Guten Tag¡ erm, are you German?¡±
¡°Polish, actually.¡±
¡°I see¡¡± His answer only worsened my confusion. The Polish janitor living in America¡¯s deep south was greeting me in German. I almost wanted to ask him about it, but I decided not to press the issue. ¡°So, what do you want?¡±
¡°Ah, you see¡ I heard that you wanted your dorm cleaned so I brought this over here¡¡± He tapped at the vacuum cleaner near his feet.
¡°You heard, huh? Hey Laura,¡± I turned back.
¡°We don¡¯t need it.¡±
She was already at my side facing the man at the door. Her expression was sterner than it had been earlier. Sterner¡
¡°Oh, a shame. And I¡¯ve already gone through so much to drag this darned thing up here¡¡± He pointed with his gloved hand at the large vacuum cleaner at his feet. ¡°Are you sure you couldn¡¯t let me in for a moment?¡±
¡°No. You can leave now.¡±
¡°Ah, very well. A gentleman knows when he isn¡¯t needed. I¡¯ll be on my way then.¡± He hung around, as if expecting a response from Laura, but she didn¡¯t offer a single word of goodbye. She simply stared at him with cold eyes as if waiting eagerly for him to depart. ¡°Well then Fraulein, I¡¯ll see you around.¡±
Flashing me a final grin, he turned around and walked away with the vacuum in tow, not bothering to look back at either of us at all. It was the second most bizarre experience I¡¯d had all day. I was so stunned that I found myself turning back to Laura with a bewildered look.
¡°Hey, do I look German to you?¡± I asked.
¡°German? I don¡¯t know. I can¡¯t tell a German from a Brit from an Irishman. You just look like Zoey.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡ he knew. Is it because actually from Europe? Or¡¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, but that guy¡¯s been following us around all day.¡±
I blinked twice. ¡°What?¡±
¡°You didn¡¯t notice? Right after we left the sushi place I started noticing him following us from a couple of feet away. He tried to play it cool, but he was pretty hard to miss. It was a little concerning. Do you have any stalkers, Zoey?¡±
He followed me around since the sushi place.
He seemed to know that I have German heritage.
And¡
Then there was the hack I¡¯d experienced just before we sat down for sushi in the first place.
The one that Tristan couldn¡¯t possibly have done.
It all meant one thing.
This man might have access to Dream Paralysis.
A chill ran through my body.
He came over and found me after he woke up from the hack then?
It was an unprecedented disaster.
I needed to get back to him.
I needed to figure this out.
¡°I¡¯m gonna go.¡±
¡°Hey, wait-¡±
I dashed off in the direction of the man. He turned the corner at the end of the corridor which leads to the staircase, so I should¡¯ve been able to catch up to him. He was dragging along that heavy vacuum cleaner, after all.
I should¡¯ve, but¡ after turning the corner, I found the very same vacuum cleaner leaning against the side of the wall, and the staircase was empty.
¡°Don¡¯t do this, please don¡¯t do this...¡±
I needed to follow him. I needed to go down.
¡°Zoey wait!¡±
I felt her arms coiling around my torso.
¡°Wha-¡±
¡°Don¡¯t follow him!¡±
Laura Young had decided to hold me back from chasing after the hacker.
¡°What are you talking about? He was following us, you know. I need to find out who he is.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t do it. What if something bad happens? What if he attacks you or, God forbid, kidnaps you?¡±
¡°And? I should just live in fear everyday knowing that he¡¯s following me around? I need to know who he is if I want to file a police report.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
She did have a point. It¡¯s entirely possible that he was leading me into a trap. Plus, if he did have the power of Dream Paralysis, then it¡¯d be in my best interest not to antagonize him too much. After all, his gun would always be pointed at me since he knows what I look like.
¡°God¡¡±
The truth is, I¡¯d rather get kidnapped or murdered than what¡¯s about to happen. My options are limited. Because the second I go to bed, I could end up becoming the target of his hacking. And once he does that, there¡¯s no telling what will happen next. I needed to think of something. Anything.
¡°Are you okay?¡± Laura asked. She seemed genuinely concerned with my well-being despite what happened earlier.
¡°Yeah, it¡¯s fine. Listen, I¡¯m sure it¡¯s nothing. I¡¯m just a little tired, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Yeah, I get it.¡±
The two of us stood next to each other in silence, leaning against the wall near the staircase for an undetermined amount of time. We merely took in the experience of having had such a near-miss experience with a crazed stalker. The silence helped me to calm myself down, so that I could think this through rationally.
Regardless of what was going to happen in the future, one thing was for certain. I couldn¡¯t tell Tristan about this man. As it stands, it seems like he mistakenly thinks that I also have the power of Dream Paralysis. The two of them getting involved with one another should be avoided as much as possible. If he does something to Tristan, or if the two of them conspire together, then I¡¯ll lose control over the power. For now, it¡¯s better if he deals with me as if I¡¯m the true owner of the power.
The headaches just kept piling on and on. I needed to deal with Gwen, Lawrence, Warren, and now this mysterious man in order to have free reign of this power. The possible paths I could take were narrowing by the day.
Unable to just stand in silence for any longer, Laura finally spoke up. ¡°I¡¯m going to be honest Zoey, I¡¯m kind of scared.¡±
¡°How come?¡±
¡°Well, he knows where I live now.¡±
I smiled. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s me he wants.¡±
¡°How do you know?¡± she asked.
¡°Well, if you had to choose between stalking Andrew Jackson or a twenty-year-old college student, I¡¯d like to think you¡¯d choose the former.¡±
¡°Oh, I didn¡¯t realize I was in the presence of King Andrew the First today. Should I have bent the knee, my liege?¡±
A rare chuckle escaped my lips. I hadn¡¯t expected to be genuinely amused by an off-handed comment, but I respected that she¡¯d dug so far back into the history books for it.
¡°Oh, there¡¯s no need. Even great leaders need a day off sometimes,¡± I said.
¡°Really? Well, I have just the thing for that.¡±
She reached into her pocket and held a stick of gum out for me.
¡°Okay, fine. You win.¡±
I reached to grab it, but she pulled it away and began unwrapping it.
¡°Was this all just a setup to play a prank on me?¡±
¡°Not at all. You can still come take it.¡±
She plopped the stick into her mouth, stared into my eyes.
I blinked. ¡°Really?¡±
¡°I never lie, Zoey Brahm.¡±
I paused for a moment, then grinned.
¡°Do you really think I won¡¯t?¡±
¡°Why don¡¯t you try it, King Andr-¡±
I moved in mid-sentence, and our lips entwined. Eyes closed, I felt her sudden breath of surprise splashing off my face. The taste of vegan sushi and icy mint clouded my head as I sucked on her upper lips with each press of my own. I held her there for a while, feasting on her flesh and allowing her to get comfortable, sitting there as I felt her, before my tongue finally invaded her mouth.
I felt her submitting to me as her drool began leaking itself onto my lips. Yes, I did everything in my power to make it a wet, dirty kiss that only lovers on the verge of fornicating could ever conceivably partake in. I ran my hands through her luscious hair, tainting her with my muck. Hauling her through a swamp of degradation and decadence that only the dirtiest of sinners would ever dare to wade through. The good believer that her parents spent twenty years raising, that Lawrence deifies, that¡¯s holding her virginity from her boyfriend until marriage. My sick, repressed jealousy infected and blackened her soul as she was finally dragged into the world of debauchery and hedonism with myself and every other piece of shit human being in the world.
And then, I pulled myself away from her and stared longingly into her eyes. She was breathing heavily as she did her best to wipe away the thin ropes that were left after our parting. With her hair disheveled, her face flushed, she looked like a girl who¡¯d finally found joy in the physical rather than the spiritual. I don¡¯t blame her. To be honest, it was my first kiss too, and the pleasure I¡¯d found in the intimacy of the experience was surprising. Joining another person like that is thrilling. That¡¯s what I realized. But more than surprise, I could sense within her a hint of worry and panic. She might have been in the middle of regretting it. Going against the foundation of the religious beliefs that she had spent so many years carefully cultivating must not have been easy for her.
¡°Zoey, how did I¡¡±
But before she could say anything, the sound of my phone buzzing interrupted her. I reached over and grabbed it and found Gwen¡¯s contact centered on the display next to the small icon of an envelope. If she was texting me like this during her birthday outing, then I assumed that it must have been important.
But before I bothered to read it, I stuck my tongue out and showed Laura the gum I swiped from her mouth. The worried expression on her face melted away into one of relief. This girl really does love sharing with others, doesn¡¯t she?
Volume 2 Chapter 2 - VIII
We had been window shopping for a while and had even gone to see a forgettable blockbuster movie in between it all. After observing the group during that time, it felt safe to say that at least from the outside, Gwen and Ben¡¯s relationship was just as it had been in the old times B.Z(Before Zoey). There was no doubt in my mind that she had smiled more today than I¡¯d seen her smile all year up until that point. It was relieving that she had gotten at least a day that resembled a happy ending after everything that had happened in the past two weeks.
Besides that, Penny seemed to be upset with Warren for some reason. They¡¯re probably the two I know the least about, so I couldn¡¯t exactly guess what was going on there. Were they dating? Was there friction between them? I might have asked Gwen if it were just the two of us, but there was no chance I¡¯d stick my neck out in this crowd. Unfortunately for Penny herself, there didn¡¯t seem to be anyone else that she could spend much time talking to since Gwen was so busy with Ben the entire time.
As for Lawrence, he appeared to be desperately trying to make a move on Naomi all day. Okay, desperate might be a strong word. He might have been handling it well, all things considered. But Naomi was doing a good job of deflecting his advances every time. Or maybe she was just that clueless?
Either way, she may have decided at some point that it would be a good idea to stick to me all day long and, as a result of that decision, she refused to be plied away by Lawrence no matter how thick he laid it on her. It was something I was extremely grateful for as the odd duck of the group. If it weren¡¯t for her, this whole outing would have been a miserable experience on par with getting a teeth pulled at the dentist. Especially when you considered just one more dynamic that had surfaced in our little group get together.
¡°This dress looks good, huh?¡± Naomi asked, picking out a red sundress she¡¯d found on one of the racks.
¡°Looks good,¡± Lawrence said.
¡°Sure does. Hey Tristan, why don¡¯t you try it on?¡± Ben asked. ¡°Probably the only way you¡¯ll ever get under a woman¡¯s skirt.¡±
¡°Oh Ben.¡± Gwen laughed.
Small quips like those from Ben weren¡¯t exactly uncommon throughout the day. It had gotten to the point where I felt like slinking away without anyone noticing. It wasn¡¯t like he was outwardly telling me that I didn¡¯t belong or anything. They were just microaggressions that could have just as easily passed as banter between two buddies, so I doubt that his friends would¡¯ve bothered sticking their neck out to defend me. But still, I had to admit to myself that it had, for all intents and purposes, ruined my time at the mall.
¡°Are you okay, Trist?¡± Naomi asked once he was out of earshot.
¡°Uh, yeah. Thanks.¡±
Naomi was the only one who bothered checking in with me. Of course, she wasn¡¯t the most confrontational person in the world. She had accepted an inexplicable break up from Lance and had kept chugging along as if nothing happened, after all. In fact, I¡¯m surprised that they even fought at all last week. So to expect her to go toe to toe with an angry Ben who was hiding said anger behind his playful demeanor might be a little entitled of me.
¡°Just ignore him. He¡¯s obviously still bitter about the whole Zoey thing.¡±
¡°Yeah, I get it. It¡¯s fine.¡±
Still, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder why Gwen had even bothered inviting me at all. She hadn¡¯t so much as attempted to make conversation with me the entire time. Was it because she was just so happy to be spending time with Ben again? Or was she worried about upsetting him? If it was the latter, then perhaps it would have been better if I hadn¡¯t come at all.
About half an hour later, the group of us ended up at the food court again with ice cream in hand. It had been a couple of hours, so everyone had already run out of steam at that point. The energy levels had come down and it was probably about time for someone to initiate the splitting of the group.
¡°Hey Tristan, what flavor did you get?¡± Ben asked.
¡°Vanilla.¡±
¡°And what else?¡±
¡°Nothing.¡±
¡°Oh really? Couldn¡¯t you have gotten a good flavor then? Since you only chose one?¡±
Gwen gave a slight smile, snuggling herself up to Ben as he held his arm around her.
I offered up a defeated smile and went back to picking at my cup of ice cream with a spoon. Just what¡¯s wrong with vanilla anyway? It¡¯s sweet and tasty, which is anything you could ever want in ice cream. Does he think that having fat, disgusting nuts in his ice cream makes him special or something?
¡°Benny Ben, if you¡¯re going to be rude to other people all day then you should at least try to be likable first.¡±
I hadn¡¯t realized it, but his snide remarks had finally broken even the passive Naomi.
¡°Woah.¡± Ben reeled back sarcastically. ¡°Chill out Nao. Don¡¯t get mad when your boyfriend isn¡¯t taking it personally.¡±
She clicked her tongue then looked away. ¡°You¡¯re really annoying today, you know.¡±
¡°I¡¯m annoying?¡±
¡°Yeah, you¡¯re the sole reason this whole thing¡¯s been such a drag.¡±
¡°What the hell are you talking about? Is this all because of that loser Tristan? I¡¯m just joking, you know.¡±
¡°Just Trist? What, are you blind? You¡¯re ignoring everyone to be with Gwen.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m not,¡± he said,
¡°Yes? It¡¯s gotten to the point where Penny, who wants to hang out with Gwen, and Warren, who wants to hang out with you, have both kind of been doing nothing this entire time. I don¡¯t know if they¡¯re fighting or something, but you haven¡¯t even bothered to think about them at all.¡±
¡°We¡¯re not fighting¡ right?¡± Warren asked Penny, who looked away with an annoyed expression.
¡°And Lawrence doesn¡¯t want to get in the way of you two,¡± Naomi continued. ¡°So he¡¯s only bothering to talk to me and Tristan.¡±
Well, he was only talking to Naomi because he was hitting on her, but I decided not to correct her.
¡°Why are you pretending to know anything about us? Why did you invite her anyway, Gwen?¡±
Gwen didn¡¯t respond. She had apparently decided to look down at her phone as if she weren¡¯t a part of the conversation unfolding before her, still leaning her head into his chest.
¡°God, nevermind,¡± Naomi said, standing up. ¡°I¡¯m leaving.¡±
¡°Hey, wait,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°Come on Ben. You have to admit, you¡¯ve been going a little too hard on Tristan today.¡±
¡°What? Seriously? Come on. He¡¯s a grown man, he can take a joke.¡±
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¡°You say that, but you know if he did it back you wouldn¡¯t be happy about it.¡±
The remark seemed to produce a grin on Ben¡¯s face. ¡°Yeah? Why don¡¯t we test that theory then?¡±
He leaned his neck forward to face me, who had been absentmindedly watching the conversation as if it hadn¡¯t anything to do with mE.
¡°I don¡¯t really¡¡± I paused. ¡°I mean, nothing you said bothered me all that much, so¡¡±
¡°Nah, Law opened his big mouth so now we need to prove something. Go on man, riff with me. Show me how I can¡¯t handle it.¡±
¡°Trist, you don¡¯t have to play along. He¡¯s just being an idiot,¡± Naomi said. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s just leave.¡±
¡°I¡¯m an idiot? You¡¯re joking, right?¡±
¡°See?¡± Lawrence shrugged. ¡°You can¡¯t even handle being called an idiot.¡±
¡°Shut the fuck up, Larry.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t call me Larry.¡±
¡°And you, why haven¡¯t you said anything to me yet Tristan? Go on, do it. Make it real nasty too.¡±
To be honest, I would have preferred it if this all ended without incident. I didn¡¯t care all that much that Ben was dying to make his purpose this trip about berating me in front of his friends. Besides, I¡¯m not Zoey. I can¡¯t just whip out a witty line that¡¯ll prove Lawrence¡¯s point.
¡°Trist,¡± Naomi said. ¡°We¡¯re leaving.¡±
¡°Come on Nao, just one itty bitty line of banter. I¡¯ll leave him alone, okay? Promise.¡±
But why not? I¡¯ve been Zoey Brahm before, haven¡¯t I? Can¡¯t I just channel her calmness within myself again?
¡°Man, what is wrong with you today, Ben? Can¡¯t you just drop it?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°Yea, just drop it,¡± I said. ¡°Don¡¯t take it out on me just because you got exposed by someone half your size last week.¡±
Naomi snorted, then immediately covered her mouth to hide her smile. Lawrence looked over at me in shock then covered his face. Penny¡¯s eyes widened. Warren was as absent-minded as ever. Gwen was still going through her phone as if she hadn¡¯t heard me. And Ben¡
¡°Wait, I¡¯m sorry. Was that supposed to be funny? Have you ever even stepped on a court before? What gives you the right to talk about what happened in that game?¡±
A shot of adrenaline ran through my body, but for some reason it dissipated just as quickly as it had come. Was it the medication¡¯s effects calming me down, or was I just that good at emulating Zoey? Everyone¡¯s attention was centered on me now, and I felt Benjamin¡¯s rage. But simply by taking a deep breath, expelling all of the stress and tension from my body was simple.
¡°I don¡¯t need to be LeBron James to know that you were mad enough to throw your basketball career away,¡± I said. ¡°I wonder how that poor ref feels anyway? Have you even apologized to him yet?¡±
¡°I didn¡¯t throw it away, you fucking moron. It¡¯s just a setback. I¡¯ll get my position back. I¡¯ll get scouted for college. And then I¡¯ll make the NBA. It was a small mistake. You can¡¯t buy talent like me with a million dollars, and Principal Harry¡¯s gonna realize that eventually. But what about you? You wish you were even a tenth as valuable to society as I am. An ant like you isn¡¯t even worth my little finger.¡±
¡°What is wrong with you?!¡± Naomi yelled.
¡°What? He started it.¡±
¡°You¡¯re the one who asked me to,¡± I said.
¡°Yeah, that one wasn¡¯t funny. Try again.¡±
I felt like he was baiting me. No matter what I said, it was obvious that my only options were either saying something pathetic or cutting him deep. But to be honest, as scary as this whole situation was, it was fun to see him get riled up. Is that how Zoey felt when she got a reaction out of people?
¡°Go on, hurry up fuckhead,¡± he said.
¡°Or what, you¡¯ll hit me like you hit Gwen?¡±
This time, everyone¡¯s faces went pale. It seemed like I had hit a sore spot, but the tension in the atmosphere helped me to realize that there was something deeply wrong here. Did they just never talk about it with him, or did their conversation about his violence go that poorly? Why was no one speaking up?
Gwen herself, for some reason, almost didn¡¯t seem to hear me. She was still dialed into using her phone with a blank expression as if the world around her were the background noise of a television she¡¯d left on earlier in the day.
Ben¡¯s face, on the other hand, was as red as the sky was when Gwen had driven me home the day before.
¡°Ben,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°You don¡¯t have to say anything, man. You made your point. Let¡¯s just change the topic.¡±
¡°The fuck did you say to me? This fucker¡¯s just saying shit to say it and I¡¯m supposed to change the topic? Are you serious?¡±
Lawrence took a deep breath. ¡°Yes. It¡¯s not worth it. He doesn¡¯t know anything about you. Just move on. He moved on when you said your piece, remember? You can¡¯t just act like you didn¡¯t deserve it when you forced him to say his.¡±
¡°You¡¯re comparing making fun of his shitty ice cream to this? Seriously?¡±
¡°It¡¯s more than the ice cream,¡± Naomi muttered.
¡°Ben,¡± Warren spoke up. ¡°Let it go.¡±
¡°You too?¡±
It seemed as if everyone had had enough of Ben today. It was now Warren, Lawrence, Naomi, and me, against Ben. Perhaps it was too much to gang up on him like that. But that just spoke to how overbearing his presence had been throughout his years at Deer Valley. Only under the strength of a united front did anyone have the courage to stand up to him. The only people who hadn¡¯t spoken up were Penny, who was probably too terrified of Ben to say anything, and Gwen, who had been pretending this entire time that nothing was going on. Surely, she must have had some thoughts on the rubble crashing around her, right? So why was she wearing that poker face while staring at her phone?
¡°Haaa, whatever. Maybe I did go too far.¡±
He fell back into his chair with a sigh. Surprisingly, he had calmed down rather easily after everything. All it took was his friends putting their feet down for him to take a look inside of himself. Why hadn¡¯t they done this sooner? Maybe he would have stepped off Zoey earlier had they had an intervention.
¡°Hey babe, are you good?¡± he asked.
¡°Yeah, I am.¡± She lifted the bottle of perfume Ben had bought her from the shopping bag. ¡°By the way, I meant to ask you about this.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry about the price, it¡¯s my gift to you.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s not that, it¡¯s just¡ this is what Zoey wears, isn¡¯t it?¡±
¡°Huh? Is it?¡±
She¡¯d brought it up so casually that I couldn¡¯t help but open my mouth in shock. Lawrence seemed to be surprised too.
¡°Yeah. I thought the scent reminded me of someone, so I just texted her to ask. Apparently, it¡¯s the exact same one. She named the brand perfectly without me even saying anything. What¡¯s up with that?¡±
Lawrence and Penny both tensed up. All the efforts they had put into making today a success had been for nothing, and the worry over what would happen next was clearly visible in their faces.
¡°Oh, really? My bad,¡± he said, wearing his usual expression. ¡°Does that bother you?¡±
¡°Not really. I¡¯ll wear whatever if it makes you happy.¡±
¡°Oh really? Damn babe, I love you so much.¡±
She smiled. ¡°Not as much as I love you, Ben.¡±
The two of them exchanged a brief kiss and Gwen rested her head onto his shoulder.
The sight of a happy couple.
Gwen, who would do anything to make her boyfriend happy, had accepted the perfume despite the obviously malicious ulterior motive he¡¯d held in his heart.
Of course she did.
This was a girl who would go as far as drugging him or murdering her love rival just to make things normal again.
It¡¯s only natural that being more like Zoey was something she¡¯d consider if it meant winning his love.
After all, his love is all that really matters, isn¡¯t it?
I should be happy that she¡¯s gotten to the ending she¡¯d been after for so long.
I examined her friends.
I looked at Penny, who smiled nervously.
At Warren, who stared absentmindedly at the scene.
At Lawrence, who was just relieved that things had been resolved peacefully.
At Naomi, whose inspective gaze hovered over everyone else.
I should be happy.
I should have been happy.
And so, I decided, despite the sick, twisted emotions forming on the inside of my stomach, that I would indeed be happy for them.
---
The next thing I knew, my nostrils were assailed by the overwhelming scent of cinnamon that had suddenly engulfed us at the table. The bottle lay shattered in hundreds of pieces on the floor of the food court. The fatigue from the medication must have gotten to me, because I didn¡¯t remember swiping the bottle from Gwen. I didn¡¯t remember plunging its weight against the hard tiled floors. I didn¡¯t remember the sound, the sight of the explosion, or anything else.
And yet, it was me. The only possible culprit. Standing there. The red muscle of anger pounding against my chest was pumping warm blood through my arteries at a rate beyond anything I¡¯d experienced in my days of cycling in the morning. My arm screaming in pain from the excessive force I¡¯d mustered up. My shoes soaked in the orange splatter of the expensive concoction. I stared down at my jittery hands, the hands that had destroyed the peace everyone else was trying so desperately to protect today.
What peace, though?
None of it was real.
Gwen was clearly in pain.
How could I be happy for her when she was trying so hard to stifle her tears over that stupid perfume?
I turned to face Gwen, who finally wiped the boredom from her face. It must have been the first time I¡¯d seen her express anything since we sat down at that table. Did I break the spell? Would she hate me forever? I wanted to know. In this scene of the film, Gwen Diaz was the only person that mattered. I wanted to free her. I had no idea why, but I desperately wished to free her from the one-sided love that she¡¯d found herself trapped in.
I¡¯m not Zoey. No matter how much I try to emulate her, I just can¡¯t keep cool the way she does. I can¡¯t come up with some contrived plan to neatly tie up all of the loose ends the way I did when I was under her influence. But that doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m not going to act when something upsets me. Whether that¡¯s a good thing or not remained to be seen, however. Because when I turned to face Benjamin, I had come to the realization that I may have just doomed myself to something I had yet to mentally prepare myself for. There was something bubbling beneath the surface of his furrowed brows, and I was about to find out why everyone steered clear of the raging bull that was Benjamin Otto.
¡°You¡¯re dead, Tristan.¡±
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - I
¡°Can you hear me? Are you awake?¡±
Bzzt.
The faint concerned words conga lining through my mind were reminiscent of a dream I once had. One where my muddled sense of reality pervaded every corner of consciousness.
¡°Stay with me.¡±
Bzzt.
I was staring death in the face again, wasn¡¯t I?
Is it a dream?
Or is this really happening?
Did I really smash that bottle of perfume?
Or is it just an intrusive thought that I had managed to scrub away?
The electric impulses in my brain were running marathons trying to make sense of the distorted world around me. My blurred consciousness came and went like the flickering of a burned-out light bulb.
Bzzt.
Yeah, that¡¯s the sound. The sound of my consciousness reigniting and fading away. A light bulb incapable of drawing any more power. Could I really have done something as reckless as spit in the face of Ben like that? Insulting his pride and his money as if it were worth less than the ground we stood on? If I had done such a thing, then calling it a mistake would be as much of an understatement as calling Lance Harley a blunt person.
It would mean that I¡¯d stepped on the Lion¡¯s tail. Stretched my arm out before a hissing cobra. Poked a hibernating bear. It¡¯s a folly that warranted death. Even ignoring that stature of his that would put even world-class fighters to shame, difficult as it might be, even ignoring that his friends would hate me for it, ignoring the fact that we were in public, just what would be the point of destroying that bottle, exactly?
Bzzt.
To momentarily quell my rage? Rage over what, anyway? If Gwen had wanted to play at being Zoey Brahm just to earn his love, then she could go ahead and dive into that cinnamon-scented sea of self-loathing for all I cared. It was none of my business.
` Bzzt.
But if it truly were a dream, then I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what exactly was causing my body so much distress. Why was I having so much trouble staying awake? Why did it feel like I was experiencing the aftermath of having my stomach grinded, meat, bone and all? Why was my back seemingly being bludgeoned under foot? It was the consequence of antagonizing that large machine of a man, wasn¡¯t it?
Bzzt.
But that couldn¡¯t be the case, right? What kind of an idiot would throw himself into oncoming traffic like that? And yet, my heart was pounding desperately against my rib cage, and I was terrified that it was the end for me. My supposed assailant¡¯s lack of concern for my life was apparent if only by the strength of his blows.
¡°Get off him! What the hell are you doing?!¡±
¡°Security!¡±
My eyes were closed. My hands and arms were wrapped around my head like a make-shift helmet. When the attack had finally come to an end and I had regained some semblance of continuous consciousness, I realized that I was lying on the ground in a desperate attempt to protect myself. His blows carried so much force that each one had knocked the wind out of me completely. I must have been beaten for an eternity before he was finally pulled away from my body.
An eternity? No, it was most likely closer to eight or ten seconds. But a moment in Benjamin¡¯s world felt like a thousand years in real life. When I opened my eyes, I found Lawrence and two male mall cops holding him back. His eyes wide with a rage that hadn¡¯t yet been quenched from tearing me apart.
¡°TRIST! Trist, are you okay?¡±
Naomi¡¯s voice was the only sound that had cut through the pain.
¡°I¡¯m alive, at least...¡±
I barely got the words out as I involuntarily coughed. I wasn¡¯t joking when I said it. I was just glad to have been alive. It took a moment for me to realize that I was already standing with my arm slung over her shoulder. I was obviously disoriented, but I hadn¡¯t realized just how bad of a state my head was in.
¡°Lance would get jealous if he saw us like this,¡± I said.
¡°Don¡¯t be silly.¡± Naomi smiled. ¡°You look terrible...¡±
¡°I feel terrible.¡±
I felt the pity oozing out from her gaze. Just how badly did Ben do me in? She set me down somewhere, I had no idea since I couldn¡¯t properly perceive my surroundings due to my blurred vision.
¡°I¡¯m going to go see if I can get you some ice. Will you be okay if I leave you here for a bit?¡±
¡°Sure¡¡± I felt her gaze of worry stick to my face despite my answer. ¡°Really, I¡¯m fine. I¡¯ll wait for you.¡±
¡°Okay, I¡¯ll be quick.¡±
She finally tore herself away to go search for the stuff. It¡¯s funny how two minutes can change absolutely everything in your life. Though, to be honest, that¡¯s a narrow interpretation of events. What happened just then wasn¡¯t the accumulation of two minutes¡¯ worth of decisions. This had been bubbling up for weeks now. The rift between Ben and Gwen thanks to Zoey, coupled with Ben¡¯s own animosity towards me is what set this off. To neatly highlight these two minutes as if they were everything completely disregards the broader context of the history of our relationships. A relationship that all led back to our obsession over a single girl.
The sight of Benjamin¡¯s disheveled self as he was taken away by the mall cops was the first thing I saw when my vision returned, and it was a welcomed one to say the least.
However, I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll ever forget it.
The death stare he had shot me as he walked off was enough to send shivers down the tailbone of even fully grown adults. I should have known that a violent reaction was a given. I¡¯d hacked him just last week, hadn¡¯t I? I know exactly how short his temper is down to an inch. I felt it myself, after all. But still, I just couldn¡¯t hold myself back. There was something about Gwen¡¯s acceptance of his warped view of their relationship that had angered me to no end. Did I really want to protect her that badly? Why? Why did I get so angry on her behalf? My eyes shifted around, but the girl in question was nowhere to be seen. Not at the table that I had apparently been re-seated at, not with Benjamin, nowhere that I could see at that point.
¡°So, hey.¡± I turned to the sound of the voice to find not Gwen, but Lawrence and Warren standing up beside me. The former¡¯s face was flushed, plainly dyed by his own remorse for how the situation had played out. ¡°Listen, man. We¡¯re uh¡ God, I¡¯m really bad at stuff like this. Why does that guy put me in situations like this so often¡?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t say it,¡± I said.
I knew precisely what sort of words were about to come stumbling out of his mouth, and truthfully, I didn¡¯t care all that much to hear it. After all, I was the one who destroyed Ben¡¯s gift to Gwen. I was keenly aware of his temperament, and I was also aware of what the consequences of that action would be. If anything, I should¡¯ve been the one to apologize for ruining Gwen¡¯s birthday.
¡°No, I¡¯m going to say it anyway. I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°Why are you¡ ow.¡± I winced at the pain in my sides. Did he break one of my ribs? I had no idea what a broken rib felt like, so I couldn¡¯t say for certain. All I could think about was how I would possibly explain this to my parents. Were these bruises concealable? He¡¯d probably only hit me in the face once, so it was possible. Maybe if I wore my hood up¡
¡°How bad is it?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°I¡¯ll live, I think.¡±
I had my doubts that it was anything beyond some bruising. I seemed to have done a good job of protecting my body from most of it, and he didn¡¯t get much of a chance to really tear into me.
¡°We should¡¯ve been more honest with him,¡± Warren spoke up. ¡°It should have been our job to set things straight, not yours.¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t think you should¡¯ve thrown that bottle either¡¡±
¡°Maybe not,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°But I think if anyone should¡¯ve done it, it should have been one of us. Gwen is our friend too, you know. I shouldn¡¯t have just sat there and pretended that everything¡¯s going to be okay while he toyed with her feelings like that.¡±
¡°Well, if that¡¯s how you feel about it...¡± My eyes continued scanning the food court, wondering why he used the word ¡®too¡¯. I don¡¯t recall ever having made friends with the girl. ¡°Where is she, anyway?¡±
¡°No clue,¡± Warren said.
¡°You don¡¯t look like you care very much,¡± I said.
¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°No, don¡¯t apologize for¡ never mind.¡±
It wasn¡¯t Warren¡¯s fault, there wasn¡¯t any point in taking it out on him. The guilt was just setting in, that¡¯s all. I had unilaterally decided to ruin her day. This isn¡¯t what she wanted at all.
¡°Are you okay here on your own?¡± Lawrence asked. ¡°We¡¯ll stay with you if you¡¡±
¡°No, you can go look for her. I¡¯m just waiting on Naomi.¡±
¡°Gotcha, if you really think so then we¡¯ll go look around¡ fuck man, whose idea was it to do the mall anyway?¡±
¡°Mine,¡± Warren said.
¡°You¡¯re a piece of work yourself, you know that?¡±
¡°Sorry.¡±
Their voices trailed off as the two of them went off in search of Gwen, who couldn¡¯t have possibly gone far considering the amount of time she¡¯d been missing. I wondered how low her opinion of me must have been after all that. She went out of her way to invite me as a gesture of good faith, and this was where it got her.
¡°Hahaha!¡±
I covered my mouth after my sudden burst of laughter. Where did that come from? I seemed to be incapable of hiding my emotions. A quick scan revealed that the bystanders who were scattering after the ordeal had ended had turned back to me after my sudden outburst. What are they all looking at, I wondered? It was amusing, wasn¡¯t it? It was my first outing with people my age and this was what it¡¯d amounted to. Of course they couldn¡¯t see that, but why shouldn¡¯t I laugh? It¡¯s the normal reaction to such a ridiculous outcome.
I¡¯m a failure. I¡¯m such a failure that all I could do was laugh. What am I still doing there? My thoughts had taken me down a dark path. Showing my face again to Naomi after all that felt shameful to me. I didn¡¯t think I could bear the embarrassment, which is why I eventually decided to leave the mall.
My new resting spot was an unoccupied bench in the parking area outside. The sun was still in the sky above, but it only peeked a little from behind the dark clouds covering the sky every now and then. The chilly autumn breeze seemed to be laced with just a hint of winter. While sliding my buds into my ears, I looked down at my phone¡¯s screen and hit the play button on Radiohead¡¯s OK Computer. The familiar sounds that had flooded Zoey¡¯s bedroom filled my ears. It was calming, and it reminded me of a time when a potential romantic relationship between myself and her still seemed possible. I looked on at the passing cars and wondered how things ended up like this. She said that this would be a chance to make friends my age, but my lack of ability in that area had made itself apparent today.
I remembered the first time I met Zoey Brahm at Deer Valley High. I remembered getting drunk off the fragrance of the very same cinnamon-scented perfume that Ben had purchased earlier. I remembered how my heart fluttered when I heard her voice for the first time as she said good morning to me with that angelic smile of hers. In that singular moment, with no hesitation or previous consideration, I knew that she was the only girl I¡¯d ever want in life. And yet despite that, or perhaps because of it, I simply couldn¡¯t muster up the courage to speak to her.
That¡¯s how it¡¯s always been for me. Even when the stakes aren¡¯t high, my gaze always shoots off the edge. Not at my goal of the other cliff face, but at the lurking abyss that seemed to be clawing at my feet from below. My body is paralyzed; unable to take the first step toward that leap to the other side. To make a jump of that magnitude would be a superhuman undertaking for me.
All an idiot like me is good at is waiting for others to jump over to me so that I can share in the fruits of that other side. It¡¯s a miracle that I even met Lance, or that he thought I was interesting enough to spend his best school years with. If it weren¡¯t for that, then how would I have made any friends at school at all? What does one even say to someone they¡¯ve just met for the first time? How should I have piqued their interest? What if I embarrassed myself and turned them off from me completely?
Perhaps my sudden decision to try my hand at making new friends was a result of the medicine I was taking. Would I really have had the courage to have gone through with this without them? I couldn¡¯t say for certain, but it¡¯s entirely possible that I wouldn¡¯t have. What is apparent, however, is that whatever the reason was that I ended up at the mall, it led to my worst fears being realized. I¡¯m simply not meant to be with other people. I¡¯m a screw up and an idiot and I¡¯m probably better off being alone for the rest of my life.
I leaned back onto the bench, still relishing the atmosphere, and the sound of Thom Yorke¡¯s soothing vocals flowing into my head. Basking in the breeze, I spotted a Geodude-shaped cloud drifting above my head. I thought about taking a picture of it and sending it off to Lance, but I wasn¡¯t in the mood to talk to him. Instead, I looked on in silence with an understanding that this cloud would eventually disperse and end up lost to time forever, only having been truly recognized by my own set of eyes. Its lonely existence evoked within me a sense of longing and melancholy that I couldn¡¯t quite place.
Before I could get much more lost in my own confusion, however, I realized that someone had been standing next to me. It took me a few shoulder taps to realize that said someone had been trying to get my attention for a while now. The thickness of my jacket had been far too effective at absorbing the pressure. I removed the buds from my ear and turned around.
¡°Your ice.¡±
I left the building because I didn¡¯t want her to find me, but I supposed that there was no use now that she was here.
¡°Oh, thanks. How¡¯d you find me¡¡±
But when I looked up at the voice behind me, I found someone I hadn¡¯t expected to see. Gwen Diaz was standing at my side with her hand holding the plastic pack of ice out in front of me, and an indifferent expression on her face.
¡°I guessed. Hurry up before it melts.¡±
¡°Ah, right¡¡±
Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.
I grabbed the ice pack then gently placed it against my cheek. The coldness unleashed a tingling sensation against the painful swelling of my face before the numbing of the pain finally settled in. The shift in temperature and the plastic texture of the ice pack were somehow comforting to me.
¡°Where¡¯d Naomi go?¡± I asked.
¡°I told her I¡¯d handle it. Her and Penny are heading home.¡±
¡°I see¡¡±
She took the opportunity to clean the spot on the bench beside me with alcohol wipes before taking a seat. It wasn¡¯t a comforting situation to be in. Covered in bruises next to the girl whose birthday I ruined. If there were ever a bigger idiot in the world, I¡¯d love to meet them. Because honestly, what I did today takes the cake.
¡°Hey Gwen,¡± I said, fumbling to get the words out. ¡°I¡¯m really sorry about today. I know I shouldn¡¯t have¡¡±
¡°You know,¡± she started, interrupting me. ¡°Didn¡¯t you ever stop to really wonder why I invited you in the first place?¡±
¡°¡¯Why¡¯? Because you said¡¡±
¡°Yeah, a reward. But then why didn¡¯t I just give you a gift then? We aren¡¯t friends or anything, you know. Not really. Sure, you helped me out, but that doesn¡¯t exactly mean that I actually want to hang out with you or anything.¡±
¡°Oh.¡±
¡°Yeah. It¡¯s nothing against you personally,¡± she said. ¡°I just don¡¯t really care about anyone except for Ben right now, so I¡¯m not looking for any new friends.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
We sat in the silence of her brutally honest confession. It could have just been her way of taking it out on me for ruining her day, but that¡¯s not the impression I got. Her voice was calm, like the gentle flowing of a spring stream. There was no rough current of anger flowing through her as she spoke. And yet her words stung all the same. It stung to be told the truth.
¡°The reason I invited you¡¡± She paused to flick her lighter and press the flame against the cigarette in her mouth, taking a drag and then looking out at the passing cars. ¡°Was because Ben wanted to humiliate you today.¡±
And then suddenly, it all clicked. Why she went out of her way to invite me. Why she was so indifferent to me being there despite that. Why Benjamin was so adamant about digging into me all day today. The puzzle pieces were neatly fitting into place at last. How many of them knew about it, I wondered? Naomi seemed annoyed with him, so she probably didn¡¯t. Lawrence? Come to think of it, he almost told me, didn¡¯t he? He must have known. He tried easing Ben up as much as Naomi did, and he wasn¡¯t even my friend. A part of him must have felt guilty about the whole thing. And what about Warren? Penny? I couldn¡¯t tell with them. But at the very least, three of them were aware of his plan to hose me down for his own pleasure.
¡°I see,¡± I answered, staring down.
¡°Do you hate me for it?¡±
Despite asking the question, I could practically feel the apathy in her expression. She clearly didn¡¯t care all that much about whatever my answer was. It was just a formality. The pain in her heart over how things had turned out today was clearly far too overbearing for her.
¡°If Zoey asked me to invite you to a shaming ritual, then I probably would have done the same thing,¡± I said.
¡°I see.¡±
Would I have hesitated? Would I have felt guilty about it? My heart isn¡¯t made of stone, so it¡¯s fair to say that I would have. But what matters to me the most in life is Zoey Brahm. No one else even comes close. She¡¯s the only reason I can function at all, so of course I¡¯d throw everything away for her happiness. I tried running away from that truth by denying her the use of Dream Paralysis, but it was futile. I am broken and downtrodden, and she is the piece that completes me. I need her to function. My heart won¡¯t keep beating if she rejects me.
¡°Heh, it¡¯s funny,¡± Gwen started again. ¡°When you talked about how you¡¯d prefer a purely sexual relationship with her to no relationship at all, I thought you were just being a little freak. In my head I was like, ¡®well that¡¯s not true love. You just want to fuck her. Learn when to quit, moron.¡¯ But after getting back together with Ben, I finally started to get where you were coming from. I¡¯d been without him for so long that I¡¯d settle for just about any kind of relationship if it meant that he¡¯d laugh with me the way he did before. I¡¯d even become the person I hate the most in the world.
¡°I knew it, you know. That it was Zoey¡¯s scent. I knew it from the second I picked it up from the sample card. Krista and I visited the photography club this week, so that gross fucking smell is still fresh in my mind. But to be honest, I didn¡¯t mind it all that much. If that was all it took¡¡±
She stopped herself. When I caught a glimpse of her face at that moment, I realized that her eyes had softened for the first time all day. As she looked off longingly, the afternoon sun shining her blonde hair, the strands picking up the autumn breeze and swaying in the wind as she reflected on her own relationship with love, I couldn¡¯t help but feel for her.
¡°Gwen, why did Ben start talking to Zoey in the first place?¡±
And as if my words had triggered something within her, those soft eyes hardened as she turned to face me.
¡°You¡¯re really gonna make me remember all of that right now? Really?¡± I didn¡¯t respond. I felt for her, but there was a part of me that really did want to know. And I think that, when she saw the determination in my eyes as I matched her gaze with my own, she let out a sigh reluctantly and took another drag. ¡°Hey Tristan, has Zoey ever asked you how your day¡¯s going?¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t ¡®huh¡¯ me, just answer it.¡±
¡°Not that I can remember, no.¡±
¡°Yeah, Ben doesn¡¯t either. Not since Zoey started talking to him anyway.¡±
¡°She¡¯s¡ the one who spoke to him?¡±
¡°Yeah, but she¡¯s not into him if that¡¯s what you¡¯re worried about. She just led him on so that he¡¯d break up with me, that¡¯s all. After he did that, she ghosted him completely as if they were never really that close to begin with. Fucking asshole, served him right. But really, fuck her most of all.¡±
¡°She did that?¡±
She squinted her eyes at me.
¡°What, you still think that bitch is innocent? Get fucking real. Zoey Brahm isn¡¯t the angel you guys think she is. She¡¯s the literal fucking antichrist. The only reason you can¡¯t see it is because you can¡¯t get past her stupid looks and her stupid smile and that stupid fucking perfume. Heh, that perfume. Isn¡¯t that something? She¡¯s so good at fucking with guys¡¯ heads that they¡¯ll douse girlfriends in her scent just so they can delude themselves into thinking they¡¯re with her.¡±
I had no doubt that his intentions were somewhere along those lines. He would probably get her to start wearing the same clothes too. He might even suggest that she grow her hair out and dye it that dazzling auburn of hers. That¡¯s just how obsessive Ben had become.
¡°So seriously, why did she do it? Why did she break us up like that? It¡¯s pretty fucking obvious that it was the goal, but I can¡¯t think of any reason other than the fact that she¡¯s a manipulative cunt who just wants to see everything around her burn to the ground for her own entertainment. She doesn¡¯t have a single decent bone in her body, Tristan. I¡¯ll only be ever feel vindicated if she ends up rotting in a hole six feet deep.¡±
I wanted to fight back. I wanted to deny it. To tell her that Zoey wasn¡¯t like that. That she wasn¡¯t the antichrist, but a beautiful, kind angel. That she genuinely cared about the people around her, about me. But the truth was, I couldn¡¯t. Thanks to Dream Paralysis, I knew exactly the kind of person that Zoey Brahm was. But being forced to take a hard look at it was difficult for me. It made my skin crawl. I needed to change the subject right that second.
¡°But what about you?¡± I asked. ¡°Aren¡¯t you the one who¡¯s obsessed with a self-absorbed nutcase like Ben.¡±
I thought she would admonish me for insulting the love of her life, but she only smiled.
¡°Yeah, you¡¯re right. Fuck him too. I ignored Lawrence for years over him, even before I knew the guy was a womanizing shithead. I ignored Jerome from Algebra 1, and Tyler from the football team too. They were all really cool guys, but I didn¡¯t give any of them the time of day because Ben was the only one I had eyes for, and the last thing I wanted was to mess things up with him. If he couldn¡¯t do the same for the first cute girl that so much as glanced his way, then maybe he¡¯s the problem. God, it pisses me off. I kinda wanna go look for him now.¡±
She stood up.
¡°You¡ what?¡±
¡°Yeah, let¡¯s go. I know where his car is.¡± She dropped her cigarette onto the sidewalk and crushed it underfoot. I didn¡¯t like the way she said that. There was a sick, twisted joy in her voice, one that people usually have before they unleash some untold horrors onto themselves and everyone around them.
¡°No, I..,¡± But before I could protest, she had already grabbed me by my wrist and lead me away from the bench and along with her whims. Ben¡¯s car, A blue Tesla Model 3. It wasn¡¯t as far from where I¡¯d been seated as I expected. In fact, if the mall cops had truly dragged him outside, then I might have ran into him at some point. They must have brought him into their station because there was no sight of him anywhere.
¡°Hey, he¡¯s not here. Let¡¯s leave,¡± I said, hoping things would end there.
Oh, how na?ve I was. For some reason, even the melodical jingling of her keys hadn¡¯t given her intentions away to me. It was only as she walked past his car and I¡¯d heard the rough, grinding sound of metal being scratched that I reflexively ended up ducking for cover.
¡°Gwen, what the hell are you doing?!¡± I whispered while yelling, or perhaps yelled while whispering.
¡°Getting revenge,¡± she said, turning around and keying another line into the body of his car.
¡°That things really expensive, quit it!¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry, it¡¯s his dad¡¯s car.¡±
That¡¯s even worse, I wanted to say. He must have had rich parents just going by the perfume and the car, but the financial hole he¡¯d been put into between myself and Gwen¡¯s antics filled me with guilt. The guy was an asshole, but I don¡¯t know if he deserved this. And the fact that she was even going through with it almost begged the question as to whether there was a screw or two loose in her head.
¡°Okay, let¡¯s go,¡± she said.
I looked up and found her standing before me while I was still ducked for cover. She was wearing a smug, satisfied look on her face as if she¡¯d just solved world hunger. She had certainly solved a certain type of hunger, but it certainly wasn¡¯t the worlds, and it had nothing to do with malnutrition either. Revenge is a dish best served cold, people always say. But there was nothing cold about what Gwen had done in the heat of the moment. Would she regret this later, or would she revel in her transgression and hold it up as a story to tell her kids? Who was to say? All I knew was that it probably wasn¡¯t a good idea to get into the habit of keying the cars of people who upset you. It could very easily be Zoey tomorrow, after all.
¡°Uh, Gwen-¡°
¡°Gwen!¡±
A voice called out to her.
A familiar voice.
¡°Oh God,¡± I said. It was Ben, I knew it was.
¡°Just hide behind the cars, I¡¯ll talk to him.¡±
¡°But the marks-¡°
¡°I¡¯ll deal with it. Just hide.¡±
There was no point in arguing. Who knows what he¡¯d do if he saw me at that point? There was nothing I could do. He¡¯d blame me for the marks on his car even if Gwen confessed to it. Gwen called Zoey the antichrist, but from his perspective there must have been two large horns sticking out of my head today.
¡°Hey babe, you waited for me.¡±
¡°What happened?¡± she asked.
¡°Oh, you know, mall cops. They got some information from me and they¡¯re gonna call the school tomorrow. Harry¡¯s probably gonna ask you guys about it too. I told them Tristan was a dickhead who destroyed hundreds of dollars¡¯ worth of my shit then punched me in the face, so hopefully they¡¯ll let me off light. You¡¯ll tell them too, right babe?¡±
I punched him? So he¡¯s going to lie to the school about me? I couldn¡¯t take another suspension. In fact, something like that might not end in just suspension. Two offenses of that nature within that short a timeframe? Even if I didn¡¯t get expelled, my parents would have to do something about it. Was he determined to ruin my life?
¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll tell them,¡± she said.
¡°Thanks babe,¡± he said, hugging her tightly. ¡°What happened to that loser anyway? I still need to have a word with him.¡±
¡°A word? Yeah, right. We both know you it¡¯s not going to end with just a word.¡±
It suddenly dawned on me that Gwen was positioned perfectly to sell me out to him, just as she had when she invited me into this trap of a mall outing. Just one word and Ben would come up to me, who was hiding behind a car, and drag me out onto the street for round two.
¡°So come on, where is he? Still inside? Call him out here.¡±
Honestly, I didn¡¯t have the courage to find out what she planned on doing. That¡¯s why, before she could answer, I started sneaking away with my upper body hunched behind the cover of the cars.
¡°Hey, did you really have to go so hard on him today?¡±
But before I was out of earshot, I found myself stopping when she uttered those words.
¡°What? Well, yeah. He¡¯s the reason¡¡±
¡°The reason what? You¡¯re dating me instead of Zoey right now?¡±
The conversation quieted as if a gun had just been fired. Gwen was up to something, but I couldn¡¯t tell where things were going.
¡°Babe, we don¡¯t have to do this right now-¡°
¡°No no, go on. Tell me why you hate him. It¡¯s because you wish you were at the mall with that bitch Zoey instead of me. Be honest.¡±
¡°Come on, don¡¯t start this now.¡±
¡°What do you mean? I¡¯m just asking you a question. If it¡¯s wrong, then just say it¡¯s wrong.¡±
¡°It¡¯s wrong.¡±
¡°Okay, then why do you hate him so much?¡± she asked.
¡°It¡¯s just¡ babe, this isn¡¯t fair. You¡¯re the one who offered to invite him so I could fuck with him.¡±
¡°Yeah, because you were about to blow your fucking head over finding me and Law talking together in private. I would¡¯ve said anything to calm you down. You think I don¡¯t regret it after all that shit you did to him today?¡±
The two of them went quiet. I wondered what kinds of faces they were making. Did Gwen have the upper hand just as it had sounded, or was Ben¡¯s intimidation winning over her? A sigh erased the silence before I could think about it for too long.
¡°Okay fine. Maybe I don¡¯t have a good reason to hate him now,¡± Ben said. ¡°But babe, he threw the perfume I got you. That shit cost a lot of money.¡±
¡°That ¡®shit¡¯, was just your way of pretending that I¡¯m the real love of your life. Be honest, you bought it so you could take me back to your place and fuck me while I wore that bitch¡¯s perfume. Tell me I¡¯m lying.¡±
¡°Babe¡¡±
¡°No, tell me. Go on.¡±
¡°God, you can such a pain in the ass sometimes¡¡±
¡°The fuck did you call me? After all the shit you put me through?¡±
I¡¯d always known that Gwen had a bit of a foul mouth, but I¡¯d suddenly realized where her swearing habit came from. It almost felt like she never truly left the space that the two of them inhabited after Zoey came between them. The arguments were all she had left with him. Did his hatred feel better than the apathy of his distance. It felt as if a vicious cycle was perpetuating itself through these fights.
¡°Gwen, stop it. I¡¯m sorry. I just want to go home.¡±
¡°Fuck, whatever.¡±
There was silence, and then the sound of a lighter flicking on. Was she smoking again? Were they both smoking? I didn¡¯t dare take a peek over the cars. The sound of traffic and distant chattering was the only thing filling my ears now that the two of them had gone quiet to potentially smoke.
¡°I regret it, you know,¡± he said. ¡°Sometimes I think back to when I first started talking to her. And I think like, don¡¯t do it. Don¡¯t fucking do it. But she was just¡¡±
¡°Don¡¯t say it. Don¡¯t say anything flattering about that bitch in front of me.¡±
¡°My bad...¡±
The silence returned. I wanted to keep eavesdropping, but my knees were screaming at me for any relief, and I had no plans to rest on the street below me. I had already gotten enough strange looks from passersby who happened to be visiting and leaving the mall, I wouldn¡¯t add to the strange looks by sitting down on the cold asphalt like an idiot.
I was back at the bench about two minutes later, alone as if Gwen had never found me to begin with. I placed the ice pack against my ribs as I wondered why I had decided to administer this in the cold. But what actually piqued my curiosity was whether or not the two of them had actually made up. Things seemed to be simmering down before I left, and Gwen really does loves Ben. It¡¯s entirely possible that things might return to zero after they¡¯re done talking. Not that it mattered anyway. While I understood where she was coming from, she still chose to sell me out to her boyfriend. I don¡¯t have the emotional bandwidth to spare for someone who respected neither my time nor my wellbeing. And to go back to her boyfriend after everything¡
Before I could finish the thought, I looked up as I heard the sound of panting before me. There she was, once again. Gwen Diaz had returned to me.
¡°Run away with me.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
She tugged at my wrist once again. Her face was flushed as her soft, frantic breaths slowed.
¡°Run, he found out I keyed his car.¡±
She was smiling playfully despite her heavy breathing, as if she¡¯d played a simple eraser-on-the-door prank.
¡°Yeah but, where¡¡±
She took off and I was dragged along behind her after getting off the bench. My gaze shifted around in search of our pursuer, but it didn¡¯t seem like he¡¯d followed her. He must have been investigating the extent of the damage to his dad¡¯s car. I can¡¯t imagine he¡¯d be going home too happy considering everything. She might even end up getting in trouble for it too. It didn¡¯t seem to bother her, though. The future was probably the last thing on her mind. The only thing that truly mattered was the euphoria of the moment.
I had to admit, I did find it amusing that he stood with her in idle chatter while under the impression that they were going to make up, only to realize that she¡¯d already keyed his car. Was that what she was going for? If so, she might have a little bit of the diabolical Zoey in her after all. Maybe Ben should take another look at the girl he¡¯s dating.
We arrived at the car, and we swung into the seats we¡¯d been in just the day before. I once again placed my feet in without protesting.
Once the doors were closed, the two of us sat without speaking, as the sounds of our breaths and the near muted ambience of the outside world filled the car¡¯s interior. It was a surreal experience, spending so much time like this alone with a girl my age. It felt like I was in the middle of an exciting adventure, like something out of a coming-of-age film that my time with Zoey couldn¡¯t possibly emulate. Though, the look of my bruised face in the rear-view mirror was very much a wake-up call. The half-melted ice pack that I decided to move back to my face did very little to cover up its ugliness.
I decided that it would be best to ignore that unsightly thing and instead looked over at the girl in the driver¡¯s seat. Only, what I¡¯d found there wasn¡¯t all that much better. The joy on her face had also been melted away. She was staring down at her feet as her mind drifted away. What was she thinking about? What were her plans?
¡°Hey Gwen-¡°
¡°I didn¡¯t actually want to go to the mall for my birthday.¡± Her confession came as a bit of a surprise. The sudden change in mood left me unable to even find the words to respond with before she continued. ¡°Everyone was so adamant about shoving their own ideas of amazing birthday plans into the air that I never really got a say in the matter. No one was like, ¡®hey, I wonder what Gwen wants to do for her birthday¡¯?¡±
¡°Not even Penny?¡±
¡°Penny is kind of a ditz. She means well, and I love her to death.¡± She lifted her arm up and looked at the friendship bracelet she¡¯d received from her friend earlier. ¡°But¡ I don¡¯t know if she¡¯s capable of thinking that deeply about other people yet. She¡¯s still kind of a kid in that way. I guess that¡¯s why I liked Ben so much. He just kinda got me. From all my favorite things to all my peeves, He didn¡¯t just know them, he really got them as if they were his own. He would do these romantic little gestures like cleaning my desk for me at school and holding the door open for me so I wouldn¡¯t have to touch the knob and, and, I don¡¯t know. That caring and considerate Ben contrasted with the hardened, battle-scared basketball player everyone knew like heaven and hell. Like it was a side of himself that he¡¯d only give to me. It made me feel like the most special person in the world.
¡°I see¡¡±
She paused, then turned to face me with disappointment coloring her eyes. ¡°I see? That¡¯s it? Really?¡±
¡°What? I don¡¯t know¡¡± She had put me on the spot. I¡¯m terrible at thinking of what to say when people are being serious like that. ¡°What would you have wanted to do for your birthday then?¡±
¡°What, would you go with me if I told you?¡±
¡°If it¡¯d make your day better.¡±
¡°Even though you¡¯re in that much pain?¡±
I shifted the ice pack back to my side. ¡°I¡¯ve been through worse.¡±
My words hung in the air as we both stared out through the windshield. There we were. Two complete losers who¡¯d failed at love, hanging out to dry in the sun like washed towels on a weekend morning.
She sighed. From the corner of my vision, I thought I caught a glimpse of light reflecting off her cheek, but she immediately rubbed her face then started the car. The engine came on with a roar that mirrored the renewed determination on her face.
¡°You know what? Fine, fuck it. Let¡¯s go.¡±
¡°Go? Where to?¡±
¡°We¡¯re going to celebrate my birthday properly. Just you and me,¡± she said.
¡°Seriously? Why just me?¡±
¡°Ask me again and I¡¯ll change my mind. Let¡¯s go.¡±
¡°Uh, right¡¡±
And so, I was suddenly forced to play the star role in Gwen¡¯s birthday entertainment.
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - II
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
It was 7PM when the sound of the doorbell ringing filled our home. Having gotten back only an hour earlier, my enthusiasm for door answering was in complete opposition to Mao¡¯s, who had been scratching at my bedroom door in response to the nuisance. I was relaxed and had already slipped into something more comfortable. It was far past the time when I felt the need to go through the trouble of putting something on just to play at greeting a stranger.
¡°Zoey! Get the damn door already! I¡¯ll be down in a minute!¡±
But unfortunately for me, Carla Brahm had other plans for my evening. With a sigh of resignation, I slipped a bra on underneath my shirt then some shorts before opened the door, allowing Mao to scamper out into the open. I headed down to the living room and found him already clawing at our entrance.
Did Carla have plans with someone? Why was she so preoccupied in her room at this hour? Usually she¡¯d be sitting on the couch watching the news or some cheesy TV dramas with a scowl on her face. Don¡¯t tell me she went and got herself a social life when I wasn¡¯t looking? I thought it was awfully late of her to finally decide to put herself back on the market, but it didn¡¯t discourage me from turning the knob and answered the door, arching forward and keeping my hand around Mao¡¯s collar to prevent him from leaping out. However, nothing could have prepared me for the face I saw once I turned my head up to the slit.
¡°Hello again, Fraulein.¡±
I could only offer a wide-eyed blink in response as I looked up to meet his gaze. The sight of that man, his 4 o¡¯clock shadow, his greasy, shoulder-length hair, that slimy, crooked grin of his, in no conceivable universe could have possibly meant anything good. His features were like the flashy warning signs of a dangerous predator, and they had quickly overwhelmed my sense of safety the second our eyes met. My thoughts were muddled by the realization.
How did he find me?
I know I wasn¡¯t followed, I made sure of it.
Is this also some part of Dream Paralysis¡¯s power? Was he able to track me somehow?
¡°I¡¯m going to call the police,¡± I said, still holding the scampering Mao back.
¡°Oh dear. Do you really something like iron bars can stop people like us?¡±
Like us.
He said people like us. So, not only was he confessing to being another owner of the power, but he really does think that I have it.
¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°Oh, is that so? That¡¯s disappointing. And here I thought I¡¯d offer up a truce.¡±
I picked Mao up and cradled him in my arms so that I was no longer hunched over. A truce? Would he leave me alone if I followed this truce of his? I didn¡¯t know what he was after in the first place, so perhaps hearing him out wouldn¡¯t be a bad thing. But to show any interest in said truce would be the same as admitting that I knew why he was interested in me.
¡°What kind of truce? Do I have to pay you money for you to leave me alone?¡±
He laughed. ¡°No, nothing like that. Why don¡¯t you step outside for a minute so that we can talk about it more openly?¡±
I took a glance at the television to my right then turned back towards him.
¡°I¡¯ll pass.¡±
¡°Shame. Guess we¡¯ll have to risk your parents overhearing us.¡± I shrugged at his comment, and he continued. ¡°We¡¯ve both seen each other¡¯s faces, so we¡¯re at a stalemate here. If things continue on this track, then neither of us is going to be able to sleep due to the very real possibility of being linked by the other.¡±
He seemed to have a much better grasp of its intricacies than I did. Was the technical term for a hack ¡°linking¡±? Like a spirit link? Also, judging by what he¡¯d said, it appeared that seeing someone¡¯s face once was enough of a prerequisite for using the power on them.
Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.
¡°What are you proposing then? What kind of ceasefire could you possibly have come up with against something like that?¡±
¡°Ah, so you do know what I¡¯m talking about.¡± There was no use in playing dumb. I just needed to get this over with. He¡¯d keep hovering over me like a fly even if I denied it. ¡°The proposal is simple: Let me take the power from you.¡±
I stood there in awe.
¡°You can take it from me?¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s not quite difficult. Once our spirits are linked, you can relinquish it to me through the connection. I don¡¯t know how you found the spirit, but you probably have no idea what you¡¯ve gotten yourself into, correct? You should just leave things like these to the adults. Hosting such a powerful spirit in your body like that isn¡¯t wise for a young girl like yourself.¡±
¡°What, are you an expert on spirits?¡± I asked.
¡°I¡¯d be honored to tell you all about it once you relinquish the spirit to me.¡±
He was being persistent. It was obvious enough that he needed me to acquiesce. It¡¯s because I saw his face, right? If I hacked him and stole his spirit somehow, then he¡¯d be in big trouble. The issue is, even if I was Castro¡¯s host, I have no idea what he¡¯ll do to me or Tristan if we handed it over. He¡¯s clearly been looking for it for a long time, and he seems determined to keep its existence a secret.
¡°Are there any more spirits like these?¡± I asked.
¡°Not that I¡¯m aware of. Spirits do exist, but these twin spirits are unique as far as how they interact with the living. Again, I¡¯d be happy to tell you all about it if you would just hand it over to me.¡±
I¡¯m being conned. That¡¯s what I felt at that moment. There wasn¡¯t a chance in hell that things would go as smoothly as he was explaining them. How much more powerful would he become if he absorbed both spirits? I would have no way of guaranteeing my own safety once he had them both. And are there really only two spirits in the first place? How do I know that he¡¯s telling the truth?
¡°Can you give me a week? Like, ¡¯til the 13th?¡±
¡°You want a week?¡± he asked.
¡°Yeah. I¡¯d like to have fun with it for just one week. How could I not want that? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.¡±
¡°You¡¡± He pinched the bridge of his nose then regained his composure. ¡°Please don¡¯t get caught. You haven¡¯t told anyone about the power, have you?¡±
¡°Nope. It¡¯s no fun if they know what I¡¯m doing.¡±
¡°Hm.¡± The man pondered. ¡°What if I agreed then linked you while you slept anyway?¡±
¡°Or, what if I hacked you while you slept?¡±
¡°Hacked? You have a funny way of looking at it.¡± He pondered for a moment once more. ¡°Then I suppose that neither of us will be getting very much sleep until the Monday of the 13th.¡±
¡°I suppose not.¡±
He was willing to embrace the ambiguity of it all. He wasn¡¯t the least bit worried that I could steal the spirit from underneath him. And why should he be? He understood the power far better than I did. He could simply leverage his knowledge to steal it from right under me somehow.
However, he did make one potentially fatal mistake. And it¡¯s that the spirit doesn¡¯t actually reside within my body. Even if he hacks me, the only thing he¡¯ll find is that he¡¯s taken control of a high school girl¡¯s body. But I can¡¯t let him do even that much. Because once he figures it out, he might use his power to find out about who the true owner is.
¡°How did you figure out that it was me?¡± I asked.
¡°That you were the host?¡±
I nodded.
¡°Oh, well that¡¡± his voice faded away as he heard the footsteps rushing down the staircase behind me.
¡°Oh, Dr. Oliver! You¡¯re early!¡±
¡°Good evening, Carla darling. I must say, you have a lovely home.¡±
¡°Oh, you.¡±
The fact that he had known that I was of German ancestry should have tipped me off as to how he knew about me. Carla Brahm walked past me in what was the most extravagant outfit I¡¯d seen her wear in ages. A silver-collared black gown that hung all the way down to her 3-inch heels, and a right-sided slit that rode up to her lower thigh. My gaze moved back up and I found the two of them sharing a passionate hug. The scent of an exotic perfume that she¡¯d never worn before flashed at my senses. Did she pick it out especially for him?
¡°Mom, when did you meet this man?¡± I asked.
¡°Oh, I had a little mix-up at the gas station the other day and Dr. Oliver helped me out.¡±
Yes, it all made sense. It was the gas station incident. How on earth did it end up back to her? Did someone recognize her? Was it the thief? The cashier? If there were cameras, then they¡¯d definitely be able to prove to her that she had ¡°sleep-walked¡±. But still, how did this man, who also possess Dream Paralysis, find her so quickly just off that one incident?
The existence of others with this power was beyond my calculations. Just how many more people are there who possess something like this? Was it really just Tristan and this man? And if not, then why is it such a well-kept secret? Either way, one thing was for certain. I needed to pray to Laura¡¯s God that Carla hadn¡¯t told him about Tristan. I can¡¯t have the two of them meeting. Not until I know enough to come up with some sort of plan. I needed a picture of him first, and then some kind of confirmation that his spirit could be stolen. If he finds Tristan before I can do that much, then it¡¯s game over.
¡°Shall we, Carla darling?¡± he asked her.
¡°Oh, I¡¯ll be out in a minute. I need to talk to my daughter for a little.¡±
¡°Sure, I¡¯ll be waiting.¡±
He left the two of us and walked back out to his car, which was parked out on the street. The two of us stared out at him until he entered his vehicle. My mother Carla, with a smile of plastic, closed the door gently when she was finally certain that he was gone.
¡°Mom, I don¡¯t think that guy is good new-¡±
¡°Now you shut up and listen, you little freak.¡±
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - III
Deer Valley, North Georgia USA. Population, 95,063. A college town that borders the state of South Carolina. I¡¯ve always heard from my parents, who moved here when I was just three years old, about how fascinating it was that such a nature-filled border city an hour away from both Athens and Augusta felt so lively compared to other cities of its size. Like a hidden civilization in the forest. Supposedly, the town¡¯s economy initially thrived due to its convenient location between Atlanta GA and Columbia SC.
Traveling between the two mountains only to be greeted by the beauty of Lake Irma from up on Finklemann bridge made it quite the popular scenic route for heading up north or even down south to Florida as well. Due to the influx of wealth streaming through the town thanks to what could be described as mother nature¡¯s blessing, one of the past mayors decided to invest that money into creating Deer Valley State University, the city¡¯s crowning financial achievement. With its income as a tourism destination now working hand in hand with its success as a college town in the southeast, Deer Valley became a relatively wealthy and successful city despite its secluded geography.
However, like all areas that pull themselves out of poverty, a rise in the cost of living created a lower class that unfortunately couldn¡¯t keep up with the sudden changes in prices. From housing to groceries and the essentials, the wages of many of the older residents who worked menial jobs could not keep up with ballooning prices that had adjusted to tourists and out of city students.
Over the past half century, there has been a visible sign of that growing income disparity on the far west side of Deer Valley, particularly in those areas that exist outside of the ¡°Sun Line¡±, which is a colloquial term for the communities of Deer Valley whose sunlight isn¡¯t blockaded by the large mountains around the city. Said income disparity has manifested itself in rundown streets and a growing homelessness epidemic that ill-suited such a small border city.
I hadn¡¯t ever visited these areas beyond just driving through every now and then. The city council didn¡¯t do much to alleviate the growing issues along this side of town, which only exacerbated the creation of what was now a slum. These factors are essentially what resulted in Bucktail, a community that existed below the Sun Line, becoming the crime and poverty center of Deer Valley, and also potentially why I had never truly been there despite living in this city for most of my life. Could you blame me for being on edge then when, suddenly, today of all days, I had been taken right into the heart of said crime and poverty center with zero warning?
¡°Uh, Gwen?¡± I asked. ¡°Should we really be here? I mean¡¡±
¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±
¡°Nevermind¡¡±
The backdrop of the mountain towering nearby added an ominous aura to the neighborhood. I¡¯d never felt like as much of a pampered suburban kid as I did in that moment. Gwen, who looked completely within her element in this rundown part of town, locked her car after parking it on the side of the street and started making her way even deeper into the slum. The only thing she carried with her was a leather jacket that she had fit underneath her armpit. The narrow two-way street, one that would most likely run into congestion issues if two large trucks decided to make their way through, felt as unwelcoming as Ben had been to me earlier today.
The surrounding hulking apartment buildings appeared as if they hadn¡¯t seen even a hint of the word ¡®renovation¡¯ in decades. The discolored brick layered in moss seemed to be a staple of Bucktail architecture, while the rotting wooden doors were the centerpiece of each composition. Ran-over plastic bottles and shattered glass littered the streets, like fallen soldiers whose bodies told the tale of neglect and degradation that Bucktail has suffered in the past few years. It was obvious that wherever the city council had been allocating most of the yearly budget, this neighborhood hadn¡¯t seen as much as a cent of it.
¡°Are you fucking coming, or what?¡±
¡°Yeah, sorry.¡±
Gwen, who despised getting dirty, seemed to have no issues visiting this run-down part of town. It suddenly dawned on me that I had no idea about the kind of person she was. Maybe she lived here? It was possible. Even ignoring the complex that she had with germs, she has a car, and she dresses quite stylishly too. It was only normal to assume that she lived somewhat decently, but I could have easily just been viewing the version of herself that she¡¯d wanted others to see. Perhaps I had been too quick to judge her.
My thoughts were muddied by the sudden spike in anxiety I¡¯d felt as I began to notice the eyes following us around. There weren¡¯t that many people hanging out in the streets. A few men who looked to be in their late teens to twenties loitering around street corners, some older, middle-aged men sitting on the sidewalks drinking beers out of paper bags, kids on bikes riding past while shooting us curious gazes. I also couldn¡¯t forget to mention the pungent scent of marijuana that practically hung over everything like a ghost. Lance would love it here, I¡¯m sure.
¡°Oh, Sam!¡±
Just when I thought that this place was becoming too unwelcoming for my taste, Gwen ran up to a middle-aged man in tattered clothes who was walking outside of a 7/11 with plastic bags galore in hand. He perked his head up at her call, then flashed her a wide smile that seemed to lack more than just a couple teeth.
¡°Oh, good day ma¡¯am. How¡¯re you doin¡¯ this fine evenin¡¯?¡±
¡°Eh, could be better. Are those groceries for Omar?¡±
¡°Yea you bet. Lil runt needs some more protein in his diet, so I got us some chicken meals,¡± he said, lifting the plastic bag up. ¡°Also got some greens too. Few salads should keep ¡®im nice n¡¯ healthy.¡±
¡°That¡¯s cool. I¡¯d love to stop by and see him sometime. How old is he again?¡±
¡°¡¯Bout seven. Or eight? Can¡¯t remember honestly. His birthday just came n¡¯ went the other day.¡±
¡°Wow Sam. If my parent forgot my age, I¡¯d be pretty fuckin¡¯ pissed, you know.¡±
¡°Hey now, we threw ¡®im a nice party on the corner over there. Lots of people came out to sing for him. He can¡¯t be too mad.¡±
¡°Aw, that¡¯s sweet of you.¡±
¡°By the way,¡± he said, looking over my way. ¡°Is that yer boyfriend with the swollen eye? Er, Benjamin?¡±
¡°Nope. He actually just got his ass kicked by Ben earlier, though.¡±
¡°Haha! Fightin¡¯ for yer love, huh! It¡¯s nice bein¡¯ popular, ain¡¯t it Gwen? I¡¯d love to hear ¡®bout that sometime!¡±
I suddenly felt like it was time to head back home.
¡°Another time. We¡¯re hanging out at the Cage tonight so I wanna get there before it starts.¡±
¡°Oh, nice. Haven¡¯t been down there in ages, since¡ ya know. Anyhow, don¡¯t let me keep ya.¡±
¡°Sure thing, I¡¯ll see you around Sam.¡±
He did a sort of half-salute at her, then at me before excusing himself off to our right down a strange alley. Gwen turned back to me and jerked her head away with wide eyes, urging me to keep moving as if it were as obvious as 2+2. Though I followed behind her, my mind was occupied by how familiar those two were with each other. If she wasn¡¯t a Bucktail resident, then she must¡¯ve frequented the area enough to belong here in spirit. How else was I supposed to reconcile how at ease she was in a place like this? I wondered if Ben knew about this side of her, and if it was part of the reason that he¡¯d fallen in love with her initally.
Though such thoughts were running around at the back of my mind, the truth is, I couldn¡¯t escape from myself and my own insecurities. The situation was emasculating. If this place really was dangerous, then shouldn¡¯t I be the one confidently leading her? Yet the roles were completely reversed. Gwen was in her element here, and I, the man, was terrified of what I¡¯d run into. In the first place, I had no idea what the ¡°Cage¡± even was.
¡°Hey Gwen, where are we going?¡±
¡°Shut up. We¡¯re almost there.¡±
Well, I supposed there was no point worrying about it. She didn¡¯t appear to want my help after all. After I found myself sighing at her snap back, she suddenly stopped, sliding on the large leather jacket she was carrying. At first, I wondered if my response had just pushed her even further, before she suddenly pinched her nose and took a sharp turn through an alley on her right. I stopped as my eyes followed her and found a dilapidated space with trash strewn about the large cans set up in the area. The scent was enough to repel me on its own.
¡°Gwen, seriously¡¡±
She popped her head back out. ¡°And here I was, thinking you were sooo brave for standing up to Ben like that.¡±
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Her voice sounded nasally since she had been pinching her nose, which I found slightly amusing.
¡°Yeah, but¡¡± I stopped myself. As goofy as she sounded, she was right. Protesting was pointless. I wasn¡¯t going to force her to head back home and ruin her birthday when I¡¯d already agreed to come with her. Not after everything that had happened today. ¡°Fine, I¡¯m coming.¡±
I pulled the collar of my T-shirt over my face and forced my legs to carry me into the alley. The realization that I had misjudged Gwen as a spoiled rich girl was becoming increasingly more ridiculous as time went by. This girl is made of tougher stuff than I am.
¡°It¡¯s right here.¡± She pointed to the crimson red door to my right. I looked up and found that the frame was decorated in iron bars, presumably due to the theming of the establishment, alongside a large sign above it with the title ¡°The Cage¡± spelled out, bold enough for anyone crossing through this deserted alleyway to find. After a moment of admiring the decorations that were so out of place in such a dull, gray alley, I was brought back to reality by the sound of the door creaking open at the hand of Gwen, who had already wiped the handle down.
¡°Wait, wait, slow down!¡± I followed behind her as she walked through like a duckling about to lose itself in the wilderness.
We traversed down a dimly lit hallway with iron bars clinging to the brick walls surrounding us. The theme of the place was apparent enough at that point. It was only when we opened the second door and the blue lights enveloping the main room of the establishment burned into our retinas that I realized just what kind of place I¡¯d found myself in. It had the vibe of an ambient lounge or a club. There was an undertone of soft jazz simmering alongside the murmuring of the crowd inside.
Still at the door, our IDs were checked by a man who appeared to be working security. I¡¯d hoped that being 21 years old wasn¡¯t a necessity for entering, and I was relieved when he handed us back our IDs, along with two red, feathered masks. The design slipped around our eyes via a black strap that wrapped around the back of our heads. Once we put them on, Gwen told me to go on ahead and find us a table.
It posed a challenge to pick one with just how many people were at, well, whatever this place was, but I managed to find a nice spot near the wall in the somewhat crowded interior. It was a surprise compared to how empty the place looked from the outside. From what I could tell, we were seated at a dining area before a large stage clad with the fancy designs of trees and a blue sky dotted with small birds flying about.
For a place called the cage, the decorations did nothing to highlight the theme of the establishment. The door was essentially the only part of the interior with any cage bars. And speaking of bars, there was also a literal bar with expensive liquors off to the side where adults were enjoying themselves. After doing that precursory surveying, Gwen found me then took a seat at the table.
¡°So uh, what is this place?¡± I asked.
¡°It¡¯s a comedy club.¡±
¡°Huh, really?¡±
¡°No.¡± She grinned at my displeased face. Was she the opening act or something? ¡°It¡¯s not, but you¡¯re pretty close.¡±
¡°What does that mean?¡±
She squinted at me. ¡°Can¡¯t you just have fun with it? Why not try guessing? Or just wait until the show starts.¡±
Gwen appeared to be adamant about not telling me what this was. The eerie atmosphere and the masked people all around us gave me the impression that I was sitting on the set of the film ¡°Eyes Wide Shut¡±, but I couldn¡¯t possibly imagine Gwen willingly engaging in something like that. Worst case scenario, I decided that whatever it was would most likely end up boring me to death and that I¡¯d have to feign interest in it until we left.
¡°So... the photography club, huh?¡± I glanced over at Gwen who was looking down at her phone when she asked.
¡°Huh? Oh, yeah. Jaz invited me.¡±
¡°Jaz, huh? Do you like her?¡±
¡°Like her¡ how?¡± She looked up from her phone and squinted her eyes at me as if I asked a dumb question. Perhaps it was a dumb question. ¡°I don¡¯t know, probably not¡ I mean she¡¯s nice and all, but¡¡±
¡°But what? You like Zoey?¡±
I nodded then followed it up with a nervous laugh.
¡°So, you¡¯re not going to try talking to someone else even though Zoey doesn¡¯t like you?¡±
¡°Haha, I don¡¯t know...¡±
She pinched the bridge of her nose.
¡°God, why are you so boring?¡±
¡°I¡¯m boring?¡±
¡°How are you not? Are you ever going to take a strong stance with that girl? You know she doesn¡¯t like you, so what the fuck is left for you there? Heh, maybe this is so crazy to me because last week you were like a completely different person. It felt like you had the entire world in the palms of your hand back then. Tell me, where¡¯s that Tristan? Because the one sitting in front of me right now is a boring waste of oxygen.¡±
¡°You really think that I¡¯m boring¡?¡±
¡°You are.¡± She flicked my forehead gently.
¡°Ow.¡±
¡°Really? That¡¯s it? Ow? You¡¯re not gonna fight back? Call me names? Leave? Don¡¯t you have, like, any fight in you?¡±
I rubbed my head. ¡°Not really¡¡±
¡°God, you¡¯re such a little... Yeah, never mind then. Don¡¯t talk to Jaz, or anyone else for that matter. I don¡¯t know any girl who would bother dating someone like you. Sure, you might do something exciting every now and then. You¡¯ll destroy Ben¡¯s gift, and you¡¯ll order me to ruin my life at gun point. But one burst of excitement a week isn¡¯t enough to carry a relationship. 99% of the time you¡¯re just¡¡±
My silence and downtrodden appearance seemed to stop her in her tracks, causing a sigh to escape her lips.
¡°Great, now I¡¯m the bad guy. Look, don¡¯t take it the wrong way, because I really do want to think highly of you. But what exactly is it that¡¯s eating you alive all the time? Who are you, Tristan? Why does it feel like you¡¯re walking on eggshells most of the time then at the most random times you¡¯ll flip flop into borderline insanity? Why won¡¯t you rip into me when I say such cruel things to your face? Can you just bring out the other Tristan for me already?¡±
The other Tristan didn¡¯t exist. I wanted to say it to her. The Tristan she was talking about was just a version of me that had inherited Zoey¡¯s traits. I can¡¯t be like Zoey, I realized as much after I smashed that bottle and was overcome with guilt. But how could I tell her something like that? How do I explain that the version of me she likes so much is one that¡¯s modeled after her worst enemy?
Before I could offer up a response, however, my senses were assailed by the screeching of a mic that had apparently been powered on. We both turned to the stage where the emcee, a black male who, despite his feathered mask, appeared to be at least in his forties, stood tall with a smile on his face.
¡°Sorry ¡®bout that ladies and gents, but it wouldn¡¯t be a Cage session if it didn¡¯t happen at least once, eh?¡±
The room erupted into chuckles. Is this what she meant by ¡®similar to a comedy club¡¯? Gwen seemed to have already forgotten about our conversation and was focused on the stage now.
¡°Once again, welcome to The Cage¡¯s monthly spoken word poetry night. We are just about all set and ready to go. Just a reminder that the theme for tonight is, ¡®Romeo and Juliet¡¯. Of course, you¡¯re free to come up on stage and perform whatever it is you please but do keep in mind that this is the theme for tonight. And remember, the real cage is everything outside of these walls. It¡¯s in here that we¡¯re truly free let it all out.¡±
I had heard the term ¡®spoken word¡¯ in passing, but I wasn¡¯t quite familiar with what exactly the medium entailed. As far as I was aware, it¡¯s a poetry performance where you express the feelings of your written piece, sort of like acting out a script. Since I had my own script to direct, the prospect of learning something here excited me. But the real question was, why did Gwen want to be here? Wasn¡¯t she just your run of the mill cheerleader?
¡°Our first performer is a long-time cage bird. Been coming here for fifteen years.¡±
¡°Oooh.¡±
¡°A round of applause for Randy!¡±
A middle-aged businessman came up on stage in his work attire, his comb-over hair and rectangular glasses that had fit awkwardly over his mask, making a strong impression on just how much damage aging has done to his physical body.
¡°Good evening, Cage Birds. My piece today is titled ¡®Her Gentle Heart¡¯.¡±
He cleared his throat and lifted his phone up to his face.
The abuser on the corner, burnt lips and fingers like daggers, tearing into his own throat,
The night worker on the corner flaunts flesh for sale on hangers before her overseer in a violet coat,
The bull-headed cowboys with pieces strapped to their waist, ready to die to defend their property,
The red and blue lights dancing through the streets that we¡¯re based, the monsters in blue coming out to humble me,
You and me, they and we, all of us and all of them, victims and sinners, bear and deer.
And yet we¡¯re all mere children in the eyes of Lady Irma.
¡°Cult poems are so lame,¡± Gwen muttered.
I supposed that the Order of Lady Irma would have had outreach here in Bucktail. Preying on people who needed assistance was the easiest way to siphon in new members. Though I had to admit, judging by his dress and appearance, he had completely subverted my expectation of what a cult member would look like, He seemed like your run-of-the-mill businessperson. Someone who was more preoccupied with selling insurance or managing their investments than preaching the ideals of some cult.
The man finished his poem, and scattered claps pattered throughout the hall like droplets of rain. Gwen refused to clap; I assumed out of principle. It appeared that she wasn¡¯t a big fan of the way the cult used spoken word nights to force their religion down people¡¯s throats.
¡°I mean, they won¡¯t all be like this, right?¡± I asked.
¡°Not usually, but there¡¯s always at least two of these guys preaching some sort of shit here. Pisses me off.¡±
Sure enough, the next few pieces performed weren¡¯t by any cult members as far as we could tell. They were all far better received than that first one too, so Gwen¡¯s sentiment might have been one that was shared by most of the people here. But after watching a few, I started to recognize that there was a pattern to the way they all spoke.
I wasn¡¯t sure if it was a slam poetry thing or just a bird cage in-house culture, but everyone seemed fond of using the same vocal intonation that almost sounded like they were giving a motivational speech of some kind. I was personally fine with it, but, in my opinion, a performance that¡¯s the same as the last one isn¡¯t entirely interesting to me.
¡°Next up birds we have¡ a first timer coming up on stage. She¡¯s been coming to The Cage for a while now, but this will be her first time getting up on stage performing for you all. Introducing¡ Gwen!¡±
When her name was called, I almost jolted out of my seat in surprise. My gaze centered onto her small frame of the girl who had just gotten out of her chair. I hadn¡¯t expected her to be performing tonight, but this must have been her plan all along. If she wanted to try doing this for her birthday, then I¡¯d just have to be there to support her.
¡°You got this,¡± I said.
She looked down at me with a strangely unreadable smile, then headed up to the stage. Why did she smile like that, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder. As far as I can remember, it was the first time she¡¯d ever smiled my way, and yet it didn¡¯t make me feel happy at all.
Just what was she going to say up on that stage? When I saw her standing up there, before that microphone, she looked so vulnerable. Not at all like the foul-mouthed girl who made it her life¡¯s mission to berate me at every turn. She was small, I realized. Much smaller than even most girls our age. What surprised me the most though, is that what she lifted from her pocket wasn¡¯t a phone like the people who went before her, but some folded, wrinkled pieces of paper.
Her eyes settled down on the words that were etched onto them, and she opened her mouth.
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - IV
Dear Ben.
I¡¯m writing this to you even though you probably don¡¯t really know who I am yet. The only conversation we¡¯ve ever had was in Mr. Henderson¡¯s art class. We got put together as a pair when we were told to paint a portrait of the person sitting at our side. To you, it was probably just another lame task to get through until you could go back to the stuff you actually cared about: namely, basketball. Just an hour of time that needed killing in a day packed with pointless hours. But to me, that hour was just enough time for cupid¡¯s arrow to land its mark. I still own the portrait you painted of me that day. Sorry to say, but you¡¯re not a very good artist. And yet, having something that personal done for me did make me feel¡ something. And after that day, I think I started noticing more and more things about you.
For example, I noticed just how funny you are. Your deadpan jokes never fail to light up a room. Sometimes it feels like you¡¯re not even joking. Maybe you really are that silly deep down. But even still, I think that ambiguity is a part of why I like you so much. I noticed that you¡¯re one of the hardest workers I¡¯ve ever met. Your determination to get on the varsity basketball team despite only being a freshman might earn you more than just a handful of laughs from the older students, but truthfully, I think they¡¯re just jealous. You practice every day while managing to keep your grades afloat, and I think that¡¯s admirable. Very few people at school have that kind of work ethic, and I think that¡¯s something to be proud of. I also noticed just how cute you are. Like, just SO cute. This is embarrassing to admit but, sometimes, I fantasize about snuggling myself in your chest when I should be listening to math lectures. Also, sometimes when Krista¡¯s blabbing about Lawrence, I find myself daydreaming about being wrapped tightly in those big, trunky arms of yours. And that smile, God. I go crazy thinking about it. How are your teeth so perfect? Actually, why is everything about you so perfect? You¡¯re just brimming with confidence and joy that makes you the star of every room you¡¯re in.
I don¡¯t know, Ben. You¡¯re just the whole package, and I can¡¯t stop thinking about you. Speaking of Krista, I¡¯ve decided that I¡¯m going to join the cheer squad with her. I really don¡¯t care all that much about cheerleading. I¡¯m probably more of a theater kid if I¡¯m being honest. But if it means being able to cheer for you at your games, if it means that you¡¯ll be able to look at me the same way I look at you, then I don¡¯t mind giving up on the drama club. At this point, I¡¯d give an arm up just to have you look in my direction, and I wish I was exaggerating. I really hope that you finally notice me someday. I look forward to speaking to you again.
Yours truly, Gwen Diaz.
---
Dear Ben.
I didn¡¯t expect you to make a move that... aggressively. Krista and Penny were dying of laughter at how flustered I was when you asked me out. But honestly, how could I not be? You¡¯re just everything I¡¯ve ever wanted, and¡ well, I wasn¡¯t prepared for that! You asked me out to an art museum. An art museum! And you don¡¯t care the least bit about art. Not about Da Vinci or Van Gogh or Picasso or Basquiat or anything resembling the arts. Yet you took me to the Deer Valley Art Museum filled with obscure native American pieces and some other cool stuff from local artists. Just what on earth is up with that? I could tell like ten minutes in that you were tired of it, but you put up with it anyway until we were all done. Why? And when I asked about it, you said it was because the first time we met was during an art class, and you insisted that our first date had to be that.
That day was the first time I saw that romantic side of you. Flowers, chocolate, cute couple¡¯s selfies, morning texts, long phone calls in the evening where you¡¯d call me silly pet names. Oh my God, Ben. Just being able to smile with you every day is a dream come true. You know exactly how to make my world, don¡¯t you? The way you obsess over me is addicting. I love you, Ben. I can say it as easily as one of our good morning texts. I love, love, love you from the bottom of my heart. I love the part of you that messes up the lyrics to our favorite songs. I love the part of you that falls asleep on the phone mid conversation. I love it when you get angry whenever other guys try talking to me. I mean, God, you even made smoking look so good that I ended up trying it. You¡¯re seriously just perfect in every way, and you¡¯re the best boyfriend I could¡¯ve ever asked for. Thank you for finally noticing me.
Your love, Gwen Diaz.
---
Dear Ben.
Is it me, or are things getting a little weird with you lately? I¡¯m not crazy, am I? I don¡¯t really want to be that kind of girl. I saw the way Krista started acting with her boyfriends after she got cheated on by Lawrence. That kind of obsessive attitude where you¡¯re constantly looking over your partner¡¯s shoulder can¡¯t be fun for either person. I don¡¯t want to be like that at all, but I¡ I¡¯m finding it hard not to be lately. I mean, you just aren¡¯t as romantic as you used to be. You don¡¯t do those small gestures anymore, and you haven¡¯t been as interested in talking to me anymore. It¡¯s been ages since you¡¯ve smiled when we talked. It¡ kinda of feels like I¡¯m talking to a stranger these days.
What doesn¡¯t help is, I noticed that recently you¡¯ve been talking to Zoey a ton. Miss perfect herself. Every guy¡¯s talked about how they¡¯ve wanted her at least once. It¡¯s been almost three years and it¡¯s all I hear them talking about. But I thought you were different, you know? I thought you¡¯d only have eyes for me. That¡¯s how you made me feel when we first started dating. But there you are, talking to her, smiling like you used to with me. I¡¯m just imagining things, right? I¡¯m just being crazy, right? Because if I¡¯m not, and if you really are interested in Zoey, then¡ I don¡¯t know how I can compete¡
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I don¡¯t have her gorgeous looks. I don¡¯t have her popularity, her charisma, her grades, anything. The only thing I have on her is the time we¡¯ve spent together. All I can do is hope that those good memories of you and me are enough to outweigh what she¡¯s offering. They were good times, right? You wouldn¡¯t have spent so much time on the phone with me if they weren¡¯t, right? You wouldn¡¯t have taken me out to eat or hung out with me so much if I were that boring or unattractive, right? Hey, Ben. Please just give me a sign that you still like me. Just one, please.
Your girlfriend, Gwen.
---
Dear Ben.
The anger and resentment I feel towards you cannot be overstated. You ruined it. You tossed our three-year relationship into the trash like a used fucking condom. And for what? Of course I couldn¡¯t take it anymore. Of course I couldn¡¯t deal with those weeks of emotional neglect while being forced to look at how desperate you were for Zoey¡¯s attention. She had you around her little finger. You were like a puppy. That¡¯s not the Ben I fell in love with. You wouldn¡¯t give any other girl the time of day before. To go from that to this, of course I¡¯m going to be pissed.
Naturally, as things got worse, I eventually confronted you about it. I had to. I needed reassurance that things would go back to the way they were before. But you made me feel like my feelings were unwarranted. That I was overthinking things. You told me that everything was fine, and that you just wanted to be able to have friends of the opposite sex. Well, I believed you. And things didn¡¯t change. I was still being neglected for Zoey. Krista told me to dump your ass, but I just couldn¡¯t. I couldn¡¯t let go of the memories we had together. I confronted you again at some point. Stupid me. I got really angry that time, remember? I cried and screamed and I wanted the whole world to explode if it meant not getting you back. You were becoming increasingly more agitated by me and things weren¡¯t resolving the way I wanted them to. That¡¯s when I took things too far. I said that I didn¡¯t care anymore. I said I hoped that when you finally realized that both your relationship with Zoey and your basketball career weren¡¯t going anywhere, you¡¯d just end your own life so I wouldn¡¯t ever have to look at you again.
That was when you struck me. I remember it all too clearly. Falling to the ground, losing all sensation in my right cheek for a moment. The pain in my jaw. You looked terrified after. Like you¡¯d made a huge mistake. Then you lowered yourself and apologized a hundred times over. And you know what? I loved it. I loved it because it was the first time you¡¯d shown me anything other than indifference in such a long time. All I¡¯ve ever wanted was for you to notice me. That¡¯s been my thing since day one. And there you were, your eyes finally looking my way, with a caring expression colored by regret and guilt from that moment of anger I¡¯d gotten out of you.
I wasn¡¯t allowed to enjoy the moment though, because that¡¯s when you uttered those parting words, and our relationship ended. I don¡¯t blame you for it. You made a mistake, and you wanted to rectify it. But on some level, it felt like an excuse for you to finally clear your mind of me so that you could focus on Zoey. So that you could shower her with those romantic gestures that you used to shower me with. But I¡¯m afraid that if I see her live the joyful life that I lived with you, I might be the one to end it all. I don¡¯t know how much longer I can keep on going like this, Ben. You were all I had.
Sincerely, Gwen Diaz.
---
Dear Ben.
So, we¡¯re dating again, huh? I wonder why that is, exactly? Actually, I don¡¯t. I know exactly how things ended up like this. It turns out that Zoey was never actually interested in you. You were just intoxicated by the attention she had been giving you. And after pestering her for months, once it became abundantly clear to you how she felt, you came crawling back to me. I should be happy, right? I mean, serves you right.
But the truth is, I can¡¯t be happy, because it still feels like I¡¯m dating a stranger. I can tell with you. There¡¯s no effort anymore. You never want to do anything anymore. You don¡¯t even fucking look at me anymore. I don¡¯t know. I thought that things would go back to normal if we started dating again. I thought now that you realized she wasn¡¯t interested, you¡¯d start paying attention to me like before. But the truth is, my best friend in the whole world died when I got slapped in the face that day.
You know, maybe it¡¯s a good thing that we¡¯re dating again. If we didn¡¯t, maybe I never would have realized just how over this whole thing was. I would still be scrolling through old text messages from the days when we still loved each other. I would have looked at all our old couples¡¯ selfies and I would still be fantasizing about smelling your used T-shirts. I would have kept obsessing over you and chasing you forever. My longing might have colored every future relationship I have. I don¡¯t know. I was crazy about you after the breakup. I even thought about killing for you. But now that everything¡¯s settled, I¡¯ve realized that I have a lot of reflecting to do. About myself, and about future relationships.
That¡¯s right Ben. I¡¯m breaking up with you. You shone too brightly and burned everything around you, including yourself. There was a time when I admired that passion of yours. You wouldn¡¯t settle for anything less than the best. Maybe that¡¯s why you thought Zoey was worth throwing our relationship to the dirt for. Because she was the girl that every guy wanted to make theirs. She was a trophy that you could line up next to your basketball awards. But I do wonder, was I just a trophy too? Or did you ever genuinely love me? I don¡¯t know if what I call love is the same as the love that everyone else feels, but I understand my own feelings clearly. To me, love is remembering to ask someone how their day was, and I¡¯m tired of tearing my life to pieces over a stranger who won¡¯t ask about mine. I wish you a happy and fulfilling life, Ben. From the bottom of my heart. But I think it¡¯s time we went our separate ways. I really did love you.
Yours truly, Gwen Diaz.
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - V
It was dark out once we¡¯d left The Cage, which did nothing to assuage my anxieties. If there was one upside to everything that had happened today, it¡¯s that I had become more acclimated to the strange atmosphere of Bucktail. While the poverty and drug use were as blatant as the sky is blue, they weren¡¯t exactly the type of people to be hostile to outsiders. At least, not to Gwen anyway. It¡¯s possible that she had enough of a reputation on this particular block that no one really felt the need to bother us out here. This is all to justify myself standing out in the open, right in the middle of now dark streets with her.
Gwen needed a cigarette before we went on our way and decided that it would be fine to start smoking right next to her parked car. While I did feel the urge to argue for our safety, I hadn¡¯t really said anything about her performance after she left the stage so it was hard to speak up. I just couldn¡¯t find the right words. It had to come from the heart, sure, but perhaps the longer I took the less likely she¡¯d believe that I truly meant it.
¡°You were really good, you know,¡± I blurted out finally. But my compliment was only enough to raise an eyebrow.
¡°¡¯I was really good¡¯? What, you couldn¡¯t think of something better to say?¡±
¡°I mean, I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s hard to beat that standing ovation you got back there.¡±
The crowd seemed genuinely enthralled with her spoken word piece, so should know that I wasn¡¯t lying about that much. They were hanging onto her every word with bated breath. Compared to the pieces that came before and after, hers wasn¡¯t a poem with fancy wordplay or interesting rhyme schemes. That wasn¡¯t the main selling point. No, it was her authenticity.
She read them out with a clear, natural voice as if she were an actress on screen delivering the most powerful monologue of her career. Intense, yet personal. It felt like we were privy to very real letters that she had written to Benjamin throughout the history of their relationship. With all the ups and the downs laid out plainly, we became a part of her world, and we became invested in the journey that the two of them had embarked on.
And yet, at my words, she merely took a puff of her cigarette then looked away from me. ¡°I guess it does feel good to get it off my chest, but¡¡±
¡°But?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s just all sinking in now. The finality of me and him. It¡¯s like the wait before the performance was the last thread connecting us. And now that it¡¯s finally over, I feel empty inside. Like I¡¯d be better off dead.¡±
¡°Gwen¡¡±
I wish I could say that she was being dramatic, but Ben was everything to her until now. He was her first love, and she lived off his attention and the idea of a life together with him for three years. Even if she¡¯d finally accepted that it was all over, what did that truly mean for her? Of course it would feel like her life was over.
¡°Really, I can¡¯t understand why you¡¯re so scared of death, Tristan. It¡¯s all I¡¯ve thought about ever since I left the mall. I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll ever love someone as much as I love him.¡±
I didn¡¯t know what to say. Was she really suicidal? Should I give her some of my pills or something? They¡¯re supposed to be anti-depressants or something, right?
¡°You shouldn¡¯t¡¡±
¡°What, you think I¡¯m actually gonna kill myself or something?¡± She took another drag. ¡°We¡¯re just making conversation here. I just wanna know why you¡¯re so scared of dying. If Zoey abandoned you and left you to rot, wouldn¡¯t you want to die too?¡±
She got to the heart of it all. Zoey was the girl who single-handedly saved me in more ways than one. She saved my life, and she continued to save me from the specter that loomed over my head ever since that day. If it weren¡¯t for her, I¡¯d be alone with that terrifying spirit I saw that day. What would I, what could I do if she ever chose to abandon me? What would I do if the door towards a future with her was shut forever?
¡°Well, I don¡¯t know. It¡¯s hard to explain¡¡±
¡°Try it.¡±
She seemed really determined to get an answer out of me. Far be it from me to deny her an explanation. ¡°Well¡ okay. How would you feel if you never got on that stage? Not just today, but like, for the rest of your life.¡±
¡°How? I dunno, I guess I¡¯d live a life without doing it.¡±
¡°But you wanted to do it, right? Wouldn¡¯t you regret not giving yourself the opportunity to do it?¡±
¡°I guess? Are you trying to change the subject?¡±
¡°No, I just mean that death is like that. Sure, you could have gotten on stage and embarrassed yourself. You could¡¯ve fumbled over words and quit halfway, you could have turned into a laughingstock. Like, a million different things could have gone wrong up there. But you put on the performance of a lifetime, and you were granted a standing ovation in response. I think that life is like, a million of these little performances. These chances to do something that makes you happy, or makes other people feel positive things towards you. It doesn¡¯t have to be as big as performing on stage, but¡ there¡¯s just so much possibility to life. And death is just so¡¡±
¡°Final. Like the end of a relationship.¡±
¡°Yeah, but even in life, there¡¯s opportunities for better relationships.¡±
¡°But none like him, Tristan.¡±
¡°Well, maybe not. But you¡¯d have to keep living to prove me wrong. There¡¯s always a chance that you¡¯ll find someone better than Ben.¡± I leaned back against her car. ¡°I dunno. Maybe I¡¯m just a hopeless optimist, but I feel like there¡¯s so many possibilities to life, you know? And death is like, the end those different possibilities. To me, that¡¯s more terrifying than any heartbreak I could ever imagine.¡±
Gwen didn¡¯t offer up a single word in response. She kept the same listless gaze as she looked on at the gas station before her, her eyes focused on no point in particular. I couldn¡¯t tell if what I¡¯d said was of any help to her or not. Talking about death the way she did had honestly terrified me a little. It was like she had placed the responsibility of talking her down from a really bad place onto me. And while I didn¡¯t mind being in that position for a close friend, this was Gwen. Our connection was through an act of evil that we had committed together just a week ago. Did I really owe her this much just because I destroyed her birthday gift?
¡°Open the trunk.¡±
She reached into her pocket as she said it, and the click of the car unlocking behind us reverberated through the air.
¡°Uh, okay.¡± I pushed myself off her car and made my way to the trunk, where I popped it open with little resistance. There was a flashlight, an umbrella and some towels laying around in there. Why would she keep an umbrella in her trunk? Wouldn¡¯t she have to step out into the rain to get it if she actually needed it? No, I shouldn¡¯t overthink it, I decided. And anyway, there¡¯s something more important in here. A terrible art piece of Gwen that was done using watercolor paints. Just what was the artist trying to do here? The googly eyes that bled into her skin, the misshapen skull, it¡¯s like I was looking at something done by a five-year-old. Was this the painting she referenced in her poem earlier?
¡°Bring it to me,¡± she said without facing me.
I acquiesced, lifting the canvas paper and carrying it to Gwen after shutting the trunk. After accepting it , she stared down at it with a bitter gaze, as if she were bidding it farewell.
¡°You¡¯re right Tristan. If I die now, I won¡¯t ever know if I¡¯ll get over Ben. And I won¡¯t ever know if I¡¯ll find something or someone better than he was. But I don¡¯t think love is rational like that. Even now, I¡¯m trying my hardest to rationalize a plan to make my way back into his heart. Not as a way to fill the hole that Zoey left in him, but as someone he truly loves the way I love him.¡±
She pulled her lighter out of her pocket and flicked the switch, causing bursts of spark to erupt into a cool flame that licked the bottom of the canvas.
¡°Gwen?¡±
¡°This is the only thing I can do. Blazing the path behind me is the only way to keep myself moving forward.¡°
The paper caught the flame, and slowly, those calm flames dyed the paper black as it ate away at it from the corners. The awful painting of Gwen was slowly disappearing before her own eyes, the light of the dancing fire coloring her irises a bright orange that contrasted with the usual green of her eyes.
¡°Take it from me.¡±
¡°Gwen?¡±
¡°Take it from me before I try to put it out.¡±
Those emerald eyes of hers dyed by the orange flames were beginning to leak tiny droplets filled with mourning. But it was the shivering of her hands that really forced me to pull the paper away from her. The fire had already eaten through a full third of the art piece. It was beyond salvation. I dropped it on the street a good couple feet away from her. It might have looked out of place to the one or two people who were nearby, but I doubted that anyone would ask about it unless a cop happened to swing by.
¡°Tristan¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s, uh¡ it¡¯s okay, Gwen.¡±
Was this a situation where I was supposed to hug her for comfort or something? I felt like I¡¯d be on the receiving end of more spiteful comments if I even so much as got close to her, so I decided against it. She¡¯d probably think that I was taking advantage of her anyhow. She rubbed her eyes and sniffled a little before laughing to herself.
¡°Fuck. Now I¡¯m crying as much as you did.¡±
¡°Like I did?¡±
¡°If I could see the waterworks from all the way on stage then I think you were probably having a big one down there.¡±
¡°Oh¡¡±
Was it that bad? I did feel some tears coming on while she was performing on stage, but I was so immersed in her storytelling that I never noticed just how much I ended up crying. I moved back over to the car to be with her, and she let out a rare laugh.
¡°I appreciate everything, Tristan. Thank you¡±
¡°Uh, no problem¡¡±
I was kind of embarrassed to know that I had been crying while listening to her, and that she¡¯d seen me.
¡°Can I tell you something a little personal?¡± she asked.
¡°Sure.¡±
¡°I had a dream a few days ago. I was standing on the balcony of a high-up castle, wearing that dress I wore at homecoming. I felt trapped there. Like I was waiting for someone to come up there and rescue me. The dream felt like it was going on forever. I kept looking down at everyone else, enjoying themselves, having a good time. And I just stood there. Waiting. Waiting for him to come, to rescue me from that prison in the sky.¡±
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¡°Gwen¡¡±
¡°But I¡¯ve finally accepted it today, Tristan. I knew it deep down, but it¡¯s impossible to ignore now. He¡¯s not coming. Benjamin won¡¯t be the one to rescue me. That rosy future I imagined with him, the one where we would talk and laugh and cuddle like we did before won¡¯t ever happen. For some reason, talking to you this past week made me realize as much.¡±
It''s funny, but I understood where she was coming from. Our relationship was one of shared romantic trauma. I might not have loved and lost like she did, but having hacked her before, I understood just how deep the pain she felt was, and how similar it was to my own pain.
I looked down and found our hands a hair¡¯s breadth away from each other.
Maybe, just maybe I could comfort her by holding onto her. She might think it¡¯s creepy, or she might be comforted by it. Either way, I should at least test the waters, right? Holding the hands of a girl my age didn¡¯t seem like a bad thing either way.
But.
Just as I nudged my hand towards hers, just as our fingertips brushed against each other, my phone began vibrating in my pocket.
¡°Oh, haha. I wonder who that could be?¡±
It was probably for the best that I was interrupted. I might have just ended up ruining the moment right then and there anyhow. It was my fault for getting ahead of myself anyway.
Once I plucked the device out of its cave, I recognized the word ¡°Captain¡± lighting up my phone¡¯s display. What could she have possibly wanted? Was she just curious about how today went? With a strange interest in whatever it was, I immediately hit the answer button and placed the phone to my ear.
¡°Hey. What¡¯s up?¡±
¡°Tristan? I need you to come over right now.¡±
¡°Right now? But why?¡±
¡°It¡¯s urgent. I¡¯m bleeding all over and I need you to help me.¡±
¡°Bleeding? What happened?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. It¡¯s just a head injury.¡±
¡°Head¡ what? Zoey, this is¡ have you called 911?¡±
¡°Tristan, it¡¯s not a big deal. Just come over.¡±
¡°Of course it¡¯s a big deal! How are you feeling?¡±
¡°Tristan, please¡ just come over.¡±
¡°O-okay, I¡¯m on my way.¡±
Hearing her beg for my presence like that was difficult to fight back against. Especially in an emergency situation like the one she¡¯d presented me with. I needed to get over to her place. If not with Gwen, then I¡¯d get an uber. Once I¡¯d hung up, Gwen¡¯s head tilted my way.
¡°What is it?¡±
¡°Zoey¡¯s hurt, so I¡¯m heading over to her place.¡±
The vulnerable atmosphere we¡¯d created with one another dissipated instantly. It was like I had dropped a brick on her foot just by mentioning the name Zoey. The hatred she felt for her rival, or I suppose her ex-rival, was as palpable to me as it ever had been in that moment.
¡°Really? She said she hit her head?¡±
¡°Yeah, and she¡¯s refusing to call 911. I don¡¯t know. I really think I should go check on her. I¡¯m really sorry, but is it okay if I call an uber?¡±
Gwen¡¯s dumbfounded expression was like a bag of concrete blocks to the face. I couldn¡¯t bear to look her in the eyes, but I tried my best to. All the guilt in the world was going to war with my desire to be there for the girl of my dreams. And after a few seconds, she stomped on her cigarette after dropping it then went to pick up the now burned up piece of paper. There was nothing left of the painting that existed before tonight, and she knew it just at a glance. Even if she had any regrets, it wouldn¡¯t be the same. She had destroyed it. Wiping her tears away, she walked over to the driver¡¯s side of the car.
¡°Gwen, I-¡°
¡°Text me her address.¡±
Without a hint of protest, she decided that she¡¯d help me. I expected her to be disappointed that I wanted to leave her to see her worst enemy, but she rolled with it surprisingly easily. Was it just the catharsis of being free of Ben, or the high of the performance? Either way, I wasn¡¯t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.
¡°Uh, yeah. Thanks.¡±
Once we got into the vehicle, placing my feet in the plastic container like before, I quickly unlocked my phone and sent the location to her via text message. We began on our way with not a single word being exchanged between the two of us. Each dimmed streetlight we passed by had suddenly felt so foreign to me. It didn¡¯t take long for us to connect onto the familiar path to Zoey¡¯s place, but it felt so different with Gwen in the driver¡¯s seat.
¡°You know, I wasn¡¯t sure if I should have done that piece today. Sure, I had it written down since yesterday, and I did bring it with me, but¡ I do still love him. I can¡¯t escape from that fact no matter what he does. But when you broke that perfume bottle, it was kinda like you broke the spell.¡±
¡°I¡¯m really sorry about that¡±
¡°Uh, no. You¡¯re misunderstanding. I¡¯m not saying you ruined it. It¡¯s more so that like¡ I dunno. If Zoey told you to be Benjamin for her, and that was the only way she¡¯d love you, would you do it?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t even want to imagine that world.¡±
¡°Well, that was my world. And I probably hate Zoey way more than you hate Benjamin.¡±
¡°Way more? You¡¯re exaggerating,¡± I said.
¡°Like, way more.¡±
¡°Talk to me when Zoey beats you to a pulp like your Ben did.¡±
¡°Yea, but my Ben¡¯s too stupid to get between you and Zoey.¡±
¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. I hate Ben way more than you hate Zoey. And I like Zoey way more than you like Ben.¡±
She scoffed. ¡°What? Are you fucking braindead? Did you not hear what I said on stage?¡±
¡°Okay, sure. It was good, but I could just as easily write something like that about Zoey.¡±
¡°Oh yeah? Go do it then.¡±
¡°Someday. You¡¯ll see.¡±
¡°I¡¯ll see, huh?¡± She laughed. She had laughed more with me today than I¡¯d ever thought she would ¡°My point is, you helped me realize that I would be miserable in that kind of relationship. We get each other, right? So if you thought it was something worth getting hit in the face over, then that he really did go too far this time.¡±
¡°I guess so.¡±
¡°That¡¯s also why I don¡¯t mind driving you over there. You¡¯re worried about her, obviously. I mean, I would be if he called me late at night and said something like that. So you shouldn¡¯t feel bad about ending the night. The reason I¡¯m hanging out with you in the first place is because we get each other.¡±
¡°Yeah¡¡±
We get each other. She was probably right about that. We sat in that familiar silence we¡¯d quickly grown accustomed to. It was my third time riding with her, and to be honest, I had become weirdly comfortable with her presence. The shared experiences we have with our failed romances were a better icebreaker than any number of conversations about hobbies or interests.
¡°Gwen, how did you get so good at acting?¡± I asked.
¡°Acting?¡±
¡°It¡¯s like, everyone else who performed before you did okay. But even I could tell that they were all acting. But I think what was so breathtaking about you was that it felt so genuine. Like you were just up there speaking your heart out. Was it really your first time?¡±
¡°Well, it was. But I was also speaking my heart out.¡±
¡°Yeah, I guess.¡±
¡°In the first place, I don¡¯t think good acting is real. Not the way you¡¯re probably thinking about it, anyway. If you¡¯re pretending, then people¡¯s bullshit meter will go off and they¡¯ll see through you instantly. We have a sixth sense for that. I think what people call ¡®good acting¡¯ isn¡¯t making something out of nothing, it¡¯s taking something from inside of you and bringing it out for everyone to see.¡±
¡°Oh.¡±
She did mention something about the drama club in her poem. I honestly had no idea that she was this interested in performing. Stifling that much of her artistic self just to be with Ben must have been difficult for her. To be rewarded with a love that crashed and burned like it did just seems too cruel. Wait. Come to think of it, I did have an assignment to do with my new club. Lance aside, wouldn¡¯t Gwen would be a great actor for it?
¡°So uhm, the truth is, I¡¯m working on a short film right now.¡±
¡°Wait, really? That¡¯s awesome, Tristan.¡±
¡°Yeah. And uh, I was wondering after seeing you up on that stage today if you wanted to be in it.¡±
¡°Like, you want me to act in your film? Wait¡ this isn¡¯t for the photography club, is it?¡±
¡°It is.¡±
¡°Then I¡¯ll pass. I don¡¯t really want anything to do with Zoey.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
I shouldn¡¯t have expected anything else really. It was a long shot. I do think she¡¯d make a really good actress though, so I had to ask.
¡°What¡¯s your film gonna be about?¡±
¡°Dunno. All I know is that Lance is gonna be in it. Not sure who else though. Maybe Naomi. Jazmine is probably gonna help with filming so she can¡¯t do it, and Zoey has the other responsibilities of the club.¡±
¡°Lance and Naomi¡ say, do you think that rabbit is worth it as a partner for her?¡±
¡°Worth it? I don¡¯t know about worth it, but he definitely loves her.¡±
¡°Really? Then why the fuck¡¯d he break up with her then?¡±
I laughed nervously. ¡°Wish I knew. He won¡¯t tell me for whatever reason. But he needs to get it together or she¡¯ll find someone else. Lawrence was all over her today.¡±
¡°Yeah¡¡±
He promised that he¡¯d tell me after homecoming, but then they got into a fight and it ended up falling through. Knowing him though, it¡¯s entirely possible that he had no plans to tell me anyway.
¡°What¡¯s she like?¡± I asked.
¡°She? Naomi? Aren¡¯t you guys like best friends?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t really know her outside of her relationship with Lance. Today was the first time we¡¯ve ever hung out without him.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s weird. What¡¯s she like¡? Hmm, well she¡¯s pretty bad at volleyball.¡±
¡°Huh? Really?¡±
¡°She is, yeah. She¡¯s a serving specialist, so she sometimes gets called in to serve when they need to stabilize the game with aces, but she¡¯s really average at everything else. Mediocre setting, can¡¯t receive difficult balls, can¡¯t jump high enough to block or spike, she¡¯s just not great.¡±
¡°But¡ she¡¯s the captain, right?¡±
¡°Yeah. Her role on the team is more like¡ she¡¯s like the kind of person who¡¯s really sensitive to what other people are feeling. She goes above and beyond to be kind to the people around her and make sure that their needs are met. Someone like that¡¯s obviously gonna end up being the captain.¡±
¡°Really? That doesn¡¯t sound like her at all.¡±
¡°You think so? She was very considerate of you today with everything that was going on.¡±
¡°Oh, yeah I guess. I was just thinking that with Lance she¡¯s way more inconsiderate.¡±
¡°Maybe she trusts him enough to let her empathetic side take a break then.¡±
¡°Maybe.¡±
I thought back to their interactions. How the playful banter would never end, how they both seemed to be going for the killing blow each time, and how it¡¯d always end in smiles on both of their faces.
¡°You know, I had no idea they had even dated until recently.¡±
¡°Really?¡± Gwen asked. ¡°It wasn¡¯t exactly a secret, you know.¡±
¡°Yeah well, that¡¯s just how he is. He doesn¡¯t like telling me things. He played the whole thing off as if they were just rumors or a joke or something.¡±
¡°Hmmm.¡± Gwen went silent for a moment, pondering my words, then spoke up again. ¡°How about this. Why don¡¯t I write the script for your short film?¡±
¡°Huh? I mean, you¡¯d do that?¡±
¡°Sure. But I want my payment upfront.¡±
¡°Payment? I don¡¯t¡¡±
¡°No, not money. I want you to tell me why the rabbit broke up with her.¡±
¡°Easier said than done¡¡±
¡°You just need to stop being a little bitch, Tristan. You guys are like best friends. If you push him hard enough, he¡¯s gonna have to tell you the truth at some point.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t call me a bitch.¡±
¡°But you are, though? You¡¯re a boring, pathetic little bitch.¡± For some reason, wailing on me seemed to bring a smile to her face.
¡°Stop it¡¡±
She sighed. ¡°Whatever, we¡¯re here.¡±
Her car stopped at the curb beside a familiar suburban home. Today, only Zoey¡¯s Camry was parked outside on the driveway. Was her mom out tonight? There were lights on, so Zoey herself was definitely inside. The two of us exited the car after she turned the engine off.
¡°Hey Tristan.¡±
¡°Hmm? What¡¯s up?¡±
She paused for a moment, still staring forward through the windshield. ¡°I¡¯m sorry if today sucked. I kind of feel bad about inviting you to the mall after everything. I wasn¡¯t really thinking straight, I just...¡±
Did today suck? Well, there were obviously bad parts about it. Touching the bruise on my face gently and wincing from the pain as I thought that just confirmed as much. But being able to hear her pour her heart out on stage like that was more than worth it. She chose me to watch over her as she closed the chapter on this love of hers. How could I hate her after all of that?
¡°What?¡± She raised an eyebrow. ¡°I¡¯m apologizing. Why are you smiling?¡±
¡°Are you coming in?¡± I asked.
¡°Ugh¡ never mind. Nah, I¡¯ll wait for you.¡± She opened her pack and drew a new cigarette. ¡°Take your time.¡±
¡°Thanks Gwen, really. I¡¯ll try not to be too long.¡±
She pouted and waved me off after lighting her cigarette, taking one last puff before facing out at the street.
It was my second time standing before this grand door. She was obviously alone today, but that didn¡¯t make it any less intimidating. It took us about fifteen minutes to get here from Bucktail after the call, so I was a little worried about what her condition was. I pressed the doorbell while holding my breath.
¡°Woof! Woof woof!¡±
It was the sound of Mao barking and scratching from the other side of the door.
My entire relationship with Zoey could be summarized by my unquestioning loyalty towards her. She claimed that she had hurt her head, and I immediately canceled my plans to be with her. Why? We aren¡¯t even dating. She¡¯s just interested in Dream Paralysis. I wondered what Gwen would do if she found out about my powers? Would she want me to use them for her own benefit like Zoey does?
I rang the doorbell again. What about Lance? I could see him being discreet about it, but not before getting me to play a prank or two on Naomi or on some of his buddies. Jazmine? I don¡¯t know her too well, but I think she¡¯d probably just laugh and call me funny until I proved it to her. I had no idea who I could really trust besides Zoey with knowledge of Dream Paralysis. It seemed that I¡¯d just have to leave everything to her if I wanted to stay close to her. But after hearing about everything Gwen went through, is sticking to this loveless girl really going to grant me the future that I want?
¡°That¡¯s weird.¡±
After losing myself in thought for a few moments, I realized that Zoey still hadn¡¯t answered the door. The only feedback I had been receiving from the other side was Mao¡¯s frantic scratching and barking. Surely, she should¡¯ve known that I had arrived.
¡°Zoey? Are you in there?¡±
No response. The lack of any audible movement on her part was making me antsy. Was I too late? It¡¯s not like I could get in unless she opened the door, right? This wasn¡¯t like yesterday when the door to the clubroom was open the entire time, right? I pushed my hand down on the knob and the door, to my surprise, clicked open. It really was unlocked the entire time. Is that okay at this hour? A girl home alone at night with the door unlocked sounded like a recipe for disaster. However, without dwelling too much on these thoughts, I rushed in desperately to try and find her, wading past Mao who had been right in front of me.
And¡
I was greeted by my worst expectations.
There she was, down and unmoving, lying in a small puddle of her own blood.
¡°Zoey¡?¡±
---
My vision was blood red.
My thoughts were dazed.
I couldn¡¯t really tell what was going on.
It hurt.
It hurt.
It hurt.
It hurt, but somehow, I was calm.
It was that familiar calm.
It¡¯s so strange. It¡¯s like my vision did a complete 180.
Who was that over there, standing in the doorway?
That frame towering over me looked so familiar.
So familiar...
It¡¯s almost like¡.
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - VI
¡°What¡?¡±
My gaze shifted away from Zoey¡¯s downed body as I examined my own two hands. A new burning sensation in my forehead had suddenly come over me. There¡¯s no doubt that I¡¯m awake. I¡¯m still standing in Zoey¡¯s hallway. So, what was that exactly?
¡°Tristan¡?¡±
Zoey¡¯s eyes were opened and focused on me.
¡°Zoey! Are you okay? What happened?¡±
I ran over to her and knelt beside her to assess the damage. There was a small cut on her forehead, but she had been bleeding so profusely that it¡¯s a wonder that she was conscious at all. The blood pouring from her wound had made tiny puddles beneath her body.
¡°You¡¯re in bad shape,¡± she said, hovering her hand over my bruised face.
¡°Look who¡¯s talking. What happened to you?¡±
¡°I¡¯m fine, but¡ where¡¯s Mao¡?¡±
I looked around, and he was nowhere to be seen.
¡°N-never mind that! Where are the towels? This is gonna scar. No wait, you¡¯ve lost way too much blood! Can I just call 911?¡±
¡°It¡¯ll be fine. Just get the first-aid kit from the cabinet bathroom.¡±
¡°O-okay¡¡±
I hurried over in the direction she pointed at and found the bathroom. It was a tidy, intimate bathroom. I knelt at the cabinet near my feet and swung both doors open. After frantically brushing away rolls of paper towels, toilet paper, and assortments of detergents and cleaning liquids, I managed to locate the white box with a red cross in the middle. Without thinking, I grabbed the handle and rushed out as the box collided with the remaining toiletries in its path. My mind was a mess, and I had little experience applying first-aid. I just wanted Zoey to be better already.
¡°Your dog escaped.¡±
I hadn¡¯t expected to see Gwen inside after she¡¯d just got done expressing how much disdain she had for Zoey, who was now seated up and leaning against the kitchen counter. But when I saw Mao in her hands, I realized that she probably just wrangled him up after he left through the door.
¡°I see, thanks,¡± Zoey said.
Gwen lowered him to the ground and pet him gently. He seemed to appreciate it as he stood in place to accept it, his tongue hanging from his mouth, before he scampered off in some other direction.
¡°You look like shit,¡± Gwen said.
¡°A girl¡¯s allowed that much in her own home, I¡¯m sure.¡±
¡°Guess so.¡± She went over to wash her hands in the kitchen sink.
Zoey¡¯s sarcastic smile betrayed the sheer amount of dried blood that had reddened her gorgeous face. It honestly seemed like a miracle that she was even conscious at all. I ran up to Zoey and opened the first-aid kit on the floor next to her.
¡°Okay, what should I do now?¡±
¡°Seriously? You don¡¯t even know how to do first aid on a cut?¡± Gwen sighed, then pushed me away. ¡°Go wash your dirty hands first.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
She took the opportunity to kneel in front of Zoey¡¯s body once her own hands were washed to examine the wound.
¡°They really were the same perfumes,¡± Gwen said as her gaze ran over Zoey¡¯s face. I couldn¡¯t see either of their expressions from where I was standing, so I had no idea how either of them was taking it. ¡°The good news is that it looks like a pretty shallow cut. How¡¯d you get this?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t remember it too well. I guess my mom was just in one of her moods today.¡±
My blood went cold when I heard the words. Her mom did this to her?
¡°Tristan, hurry the fuck up. You need to stop the bleeding.¡±
¡°Oh, sorry!¡±
I rushed over at Gwen¡¯s command, and she handed me a cloth that I then applied to the cut on Zoey¡¯s forehead to stop the bleeding. She winced from the pain, but she managed to hold strong.
¡°He can¡¯t even do first aid right.¡± Gwen sighed. ¡°What the fuck do you even like about this guy, anyway?¡±
¡°His charming personality.¡±
¡°Learn to lie better.¡±
¡°Hey,¡± I spoke up. ¡°Why don¡¯t you do it if I¡¯m so bad at it then?¡±
¡°Hell no. I¡¯m not touching Zoey¡¯s nasty wound. You do it. She¡¯s your girlfriend.¡±
¡°She¡¯s not¡¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m not?¡±
¡°H-huh? Well¡¡±
¡°Jesus Christ,¡± Gwen mumbled under her breath.
I removed the cloth.
¡°How¡¯s this?¡±
Gwen leaned over to inspect the wound.
¡°Hmm, that should be fine. Now lay her down on her back and clean the wound out with this.¡±
She handed me a cup of water.
¡°What? Shouldn¡¯t I use rubbing alcohol?¡± I asked.
¡°Yeah, if you wanna make it worse.¡±
¡°Yeah, but-¡±
¡°She¡¯s right Tristan, water¡¯s better,¡± Zoey said.
¡°Wow, even your girlfriend¡¯s not on your side. How does it feel being such a failure?¡±
¡°Shut up, dude¡¡±
I laid Zoey on the floor of the kitchen, supporting her head in my lap. I brushed the strands of hair on her face away so that I¡¯d have a clean shot of the cut. My face was burning up. The whole conversation was like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Gwen¡¯s abrasive personality and Zoey¡¯s sly instigation. This was in addition to the intimacy of having her head right next to my¡ no, I shouldn¡¯t think about that, I thought. I needed to help Zoey get better.
¡°I¡¯m gonna start pouring it. Ready?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
The contents of the cup spilled over her bloodied face. Her expression was unchanging this time. I expected that she would handle it well, but I was surprised at how resilient she was all things considered. The water dribbled down her face and began soaking my pants, but I didn¡¯t mind it. Fixing her up was the only thing I should be focusing on.
¡°Should be good,¡± Gwen said. ¡°Hang on a sec.¡±
While she reached back into the first-aid kit to prepare the next step, I took the opportunity to wipe the dried blood off her face now that her face was moist. The scent of iron was not pleasant to my nostrils, and I could only continue staring in wonder as to how it was that she managed to stay so calm.
¡°Here.¡±
Gwen held out an opened container of ointment and some bandages, and I carefully applied them both to the wound. Zoey¡¯s scarlet eyes peered into me as I cared for her. In an ordinary relationship, this might have been a romantic dream come true for me. The idea of nursing a vulnerable Zoey Brahm back to health like this was an alluring scenario and one I¡¯m sure I had fantasized about once or twice. Her feeble body quivering, her eyes staring straight up at me as I cared for her, completely dependent on me for survival. There was a sense of importance and duty in caring for this girl, as she had cared for me that day. And yet, it was still difficult to ignore the reality of our tainted relationship.
¡°Thanks, Tristan. It means a lot.¡± Why do I become so weak to her smile?
¡°U-uh, yeah. No problem¡¡±
¡°You¡¯re so embarrassing.¡± Gwen sighed.
¡°Shut up.¡±
Zoey shifted, as if trying to get to her feet. ¡°Can you help me stand?¡±
¡°Oh, right.¡±
I placed her arm around my shoulder and helped her up to her feet. The strong scent of iron was quickly drowned out by her usual, intoxicating perfume, the very same one that Gwen had almost been roped into wearing. I felt the aroma¡¯s touch assail my nostrils as it invaded every inch of my body. Inhaling her scent so intimately felt like being tugged by her whims against my will. I was once again reminded that I am nothing more than a dog tamed by the scent of his master.
¡°I¡¯ll be outside. Zoey, I noticed that there¡¯s disposable ice bags in your first aid kit¡¡±
¡°Yeah, he can use them if he needs it.¡±
Gwen turned away without so much as a nod and left through the door. In as much as she hated Zoey, I was surprised at how maturely she handled the situation. Was it out of respect for my love for her? I couldn¡¯t say for sure. Either way, I refocused on supporting Zoey with my shoulders, slowly and carefully leading her to her bedroom. Traversing the staircase was frightening, but she seemed to be able to hold her balance well despite the blood loss. I placed her into her bed after turning the light on in her room.
¡°Zoey, I really think you should¡¯ve called 911. That could¡¯ve gone really badly.¡±
It didn¡¯t look like she¡¯d even heard a word I said. Once I¡¯d tucked her in, her eyes were intently focused on the ceiling above our heads. She must have been lost in thought. I wasn¡¯t needed, was I? Was she inviting me to leave?
¡°How are Gwen and Ben? Are they getting along?¡±
The question had come out of nowhere, but I supposed that it made sense for her to ask about it. Their relationship meant that they were both going to leave her alone.
¡°I think they¡¯re breaking up.¡±
I wish I could have offered her better news in this weird time, but it was better to be honest with her. If I lied and she found out later, it might turn out badly for me. She didn¡¯t seem to respond to my answer, though. She was still just staring up at the ceiling.
¡°You know,¡± she spoke up suddenly. ¡°When I turned 18 earlier this year, my mom gave me an ultimatum. Either I follow her rules for the rest of the year until I go to college, or she¡¯d kick me out onto the street. Yes, the very same mother who did this to my face said that to me.¡±
¡°But¡ what about your dad? Is he just going to let her kick you out like that? I know he¡¯s not around often, but...¡±
¡°My parents are divorced.¡±
¡°What? Since when?
¡°About five years now.¡±
¡°I¡ see.¡±
I clearly remembered the last time I was here, she claimed that her father was out on frequent business trips. Did she lie to me about it back then? Or was she lying now? Maybe it was her head injury messing with her understanding of reality? To be honest, I couldn¡¯t tell when she was lying or not. I¡¯d taken everything she¡¯s said to me these past few weeks as the truth. This obvious contradiction, however, had opened the door to the possibility that Zoey may not have been completely honest with me this entire time. Would Zoey really lie to me? As such thoughts ran through my head, she tugged on my sleeve once more.
The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.
¡°If what you said about me is right, if I truly am incapable of love, then it¡¯s probably because I¡¯ve never been on the receiving end of any love worth mentioning.¡±
The girl who always seemed so far above me was showing me her vulnerable side once again. Perhaps she lied about the divorce because it was a sore spot for her. It¡¯s entirely possible that the whole ordeal had been looming over her to some degree. Is it fair of me to judge her for lying about it when her relationship with her parents was such a broken thing? A mom who abused her and couldn¡¯t even stomach thinking about her daughter, judging by my experience of hacking her.
¡°Zoey, I can¡¡± I gulped and knelt beside her bed. ¡°I can show you what love is. I promise you. I¡¡±
She smiled. ¡°You won¡¯t abandon me, will you Tristan?¡±
With gentle eyes, the strong, bold Zoey pleaded with me in a feminine voice that was uncharacteristic of her usual domineering personality. But behind that soft demeanor felt something menacing. Lurking in the dark behind that sweet expression. I gulped once more, steeling myself despite my second-guessing.
¡°Never. I¡¯m yours.¡±
Her smile widened, dissipating any terrible premonitions I might have been holding. My mind flickered back to her words that fateful Friday. Of how she would¡¯ve let me have my way with her if I wanted to. I thought of her naked body. The smoothness of her skin. Her supple curves. I thought about how fulfilling it would feel to unwrap the prize that every guy at school could only dream of, and about how good it would feel take the plunge right that second. Would it be wrong of me now, to make an advance? She was injured, after all. But¡
¡°There¡¯s a key in the potted plant near the door. Do you think you can lock up when you leave?¡±
¡°H-huh? Oh, sure¡¡±
But just as quickly as those thoughts had begun dominating my headspace, I was dragged back to reality by her voice, and by my own self-loathing. The plight and guilt of my masculinity was weighing me by my neck at every turn. The insatiable desire to please the hungry snake between my legs haunted my thoughts whenever I was around this woman. It was a herculean task humanizing a girl as attractive as Zoey was. I wanted to have her. No, I needed her. I needed her to be mine. Those selfish, depraved feelings were driving me to the brink of insanity. I was beginning to despise my masculinity more than I ever had before. The urge to take a knife to my manhood was becoming more and more insatiable.
A complex combination of guilt and lust were tugging the strings of my heart. As much as I wanted her, I just couldn¡¯t make a move after she got hurt like that. She needed to rest. And if she really lost a ton of blood, then something like that would most likely do more harm than good. And that¡¯s ignoring the fact that she¡¯s not in the mood. No, before that, is she even mentally prepared to do it with me?
¡°Good night, Tristan.¡±
I peered back into the room and found her snuggled tightly under her blanket, smiling warmly at me. The bandage I¡¯d just placed on her forehead was like a cute memento of the trust in me she¡¯d had when she called me to care for her. It was physical proof that I was now a part of her life, and that I would in the future be there for her to depend on.
¡°Good night, Zoey.¡±
I returned her smile then shut the light off in her room. After retracing my steps through the house, I shut all the lights off then left through the front door. It took me a moment to locate the key in the flowerpot. It was apparently buried under a couple inches of soil. But I did manage to lock the door and return it to its place. It did show how much she trusted me that she was willing to expose the key to her house like that. But that¡¯s all the more reason why I couldn¡¯t just leave things as they were. Once I arrived at the car, Gwen, who was leaning against it and smoking a cigarette, held a new icebag out for me without looking my way.
¡°Oh¡ thanks.¡± I stood outside next to her, leaning against the car, and applied it to my face. I had completely forgotten to take some, so it was a relief that she¡¯d done me the favor. ¡°Let¡¯s stay for a while,¡± I said.
¡°Are you insane? Why? It¡¯s getting late.¡±
¡°Gotta talk to her mom.¡±
¡°Her¡ Tristan, no. Let¡¯s just go.¡±
She crushed the cigarette underfoot and headed into the car, but I didn¡¯t follow her. I simply continued leaning until she finally turned the window down in frustration.
¡°Tristan, seriously?¡±
¡°I need to talk to her mom.¡±
¡°How are you going to even get home? It¡¯s 35 degrees and the middle of the night!¡±
¡°I¡¯ll walk, it¡¯ll be a little under an hour.¡±
¡°Fucking Christ¡¡±
Gwen reluctantly sighed. ¡°Fine, we won¡¯t leave. Just come in.¡±
I looked her way for a moment to inspect her face, and after deciding that she was telling the truth, I hopped into the car. The muted ambience from the outside world once again consumed me.
¡°You¡¯re a real fucking piece of work, you know that?¡± she asked.
¡°Shut up¡ it just pisses me off that a parent could do that to their own kid.¡±
¡°Do you have good parents?¡±
¡°Yeah, I think so. Maybe they¡¯re a bit overprotective, but I like them.¡±
¡°Must be nice. My parents don¡¯t really give a shit about me.¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°Ha. Why are you apologizing? Is it your fault that they don¡¯t care?¡±
¡°No, I just felt like it.¡±
¡°You¡¯re so pathetic.¡±
¡°Maybe I am.¡±
We stared off into the darkness. Just me and her. She said that we were similar, but the truth is, I wanted nothing more than for her to be wrong. Even if everything she was saying made sense, I just really wanted to believe in a future where Zoey and I end up together.
¡°Tristan, I can¡¯t hold it in. I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
As I turned to face her, she held out a crumpled box of what appeared to be medication.
¡°What¡¯s this? Are you sick?¡±
She looked down at the box, then looked back up at me.
¡°No, you idiot. They¡¯re iron pills. I found them in the trash in the kitchen.¡±
¡°You went through her trash? You?¡±
¡°I-it was bugging me, okay? I washed my hands five times afterwards and my hands still feel gross. And anyway, that¡¯s not even the worst of it.¡±
She held up something I remembered distinctly from my childhood. Back when my mom would make cakes when I was a kid. This was something she used for the icing all the time. It was an empty bottle of red food coloring.
¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡±
¡°What, seriously? How about you think for a second? What¡¯s red and smells like iron?¡±
¡°Wait, but¡¡±
Of course, I had completely understood what she was getting at. But it was just impossible to believe. Would she really go out of her way to fake an injury like that? Certainly, the blood did seem excessive, but¡ no. It wasn¡¯t the first time she had lied to me, was it? Just then, she mentioned her parents¡¯ divorce. Last week, her story was that he was out on a business trip. Her story changed. Besides that, one of the first things she taught me how to do was lie properly. She taught me to fight tooth and nail when your lie is discovered then feign defeat and offer up a more believable lie. This was just the type of person that she was.
¡°No, but¡ The cut was real. You examined it.¡±
¡°That¡¯s what made me suspicious in the first place. Yeah, the cut was real. But it was too small and too shallow to cause any type of serious head injury, and it was definitely not bad enough to cause that amount of bleeding.¡±
She was telling the truth. In the first place, the idea of Gwen Diaz rummaging through someone¡¯s trash did not compute to me. Wasn¡¯t she a huge germaphobe? The fact that she compelled herself to do something like that told me everything I needed to know.
¡°So¡¡±
¡°So, basically it means that you¡¯re pathetic. You¡¯re getting strung along and manipulated by that bitch. Hah. I don¡¯t really know what she sees in you, but it sure is fucking funny watching you squirm like this.¡±
¡°But¡ why?¡±
Gwen shrugged. ¡°Maybe she was worried about you hanging out with us. Like she thought we¡¯d steal you from her?¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡ I didn¡¯t even tell her that I was still out.¡±
¡°Hmmm¡ yeah, I don¡¯t really get it either,¡± Gwen said, leaning back in her seat. ¡°She could¡¯ve just wanted you to peel away from the group. Maybe she didn¡¯t know we had already split up.¡±
Split up? Well, that is true. She wouldn¡¯t have known unless she had eyes or ears there. But what if she did? Isn¡¯t there someone who was at the mall with us that could¡¯ve served as her own personal second eyes? She mentioned it to me herself, didn¡¯t she?
¡°Anyway, maybe it¡¯s for the best. You should just give up on her and find someone else. Maybe talk to Lawrence about it. I¡¯m sure he¡¯ll teach you how to get girls to like you.¡±
Lawrence. Once she mentioned the name, it all made sense.
¡°Call Lawrence,¡± I said.
¡°Huh? Him? Why?¡±
¡°Just do it.¡±
¡°What the fuck is your problem? Why would I call¡¡± She sighed. ¡°Never mind. I need to talk to him anyway.¡±
Gwen powered her phone on after apparently having had it off all day. Her screen lit up to a barrage of notifications. Dozens of missed calls and text messages flooded her phone¡¯s screen as if the gates had been opened and the souls of the condemned were fleeing out into the open.
¡°Oh man,¡± I said.
Gwen ignored me and picked out Lawrence¡¯s name from the list. As far as I could tell, it was just him, Penny, and Ben. I imagined that the desire to call Ben must have been tugging at her heart. But somehow, she managed to stay strong and leave it as it was.
¡°Gwen? Gwen, are you okay?¡± Lawrence answered, the speaker phone blaring through the car. ¡°Where are you?¡±
It was a frantic side of Lawrence I¡¯d never heard before. Was this how he acted with his friends?
¡°I¡¯m fine. Sorry for leaving so suddenly, I just went out for a bit.¡±
¡°No worries, I get it.¡±
The line went quiet. There was obviously some awkwardness to the situation. That huge fight
¡°So did you two have fun?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°You¡ two?¡± Gwen asked. I held my breath. I was hoping it was just my hyperactive imagination, but my worst fears had been realized in an instant. ¡°What the fuck do you mean by you two?¡±
¡°What? Don¡¯t play dumb. I saw Tristan get in your car with you when I was out looking for you.¡±
She went quiet. She must not have expected that. ¡°And? Who did you tell?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about.¡±
¡°You told someone. I know you did. Who did you tell?¡±
¡°Gwen I didn¡¯t¡¡±
¡°Fucking liar. Everyone¡¯s such a fucking liar. Just tell me the truth. Who did you tell?¡±
¡°I can¡¯t say.¡±
¡°Lawrence Young I swear to God I will end you if you don¡¯t tell me right the fuck now.¡±
His side of the line went quiet. He was deliberating on how to handle the situation, clearly. He could lie to her, but I doubt it¡¯d go well once she inevitably found out the truth. But not answering also seemed to be a bad option too. It seemed like the fate of their friendship hinged on him telling the truth.
¡°Gwen, don¡¯t get mad.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not fucking¡ Jesus Christ. Just tell me already. Who did you tell?¡±
¡°I¡ I told Zoey.¡±
My greatest fears were realized.
¡°You¡ you what?¡±
The call, the fake injury, everything suddenly fell into place. I could see Gwen¡¯s hands shiver as she gripped the phone tightly.
¡°I¡¯m sorry. She was curious about how your birthday went, so¡¡±
¡°No the fuck she wasn¡¯t. Are you being for real right now? I-I actually don¡¯t believe this.¡±
¡°Gwen...¡±
¡°I¡ I thought you told Ben or something. Zoey¡? Why the fuck are you cozying up to that bitch after everything?¡±
¡°Gwen, I¡¯m sorr-¡±
The phone turned off. She released the power button. All the tension in her hand had immediately dissipated. She looked defeated. Her mouth hung open, her eyes were dead, pointed at the steering wheel before her. Her hands, previously shivering from the centralized tension, were now hanging lifelessly at her sides.
And then came the scream. She screamed at the top of her lungs. I had never heard a girl scream like that until today. Not in elementary school, nor in middle school. It felt like something out of a horror movie. The type of scream that dredged up every ounce of the despair that a human being¡¯s body could possibly muster up, was expelled in one, desperate yell. It was everything she had been bottling up for the past month. The realization that Zoey Brahm was looming over and controlling every aspect of her life had driven her to the brink.
My body was still reeled back even after the screaming had ended. Her bangs hung over her face, so I had no idea what kind of expression she was making. I couldn¡¯t move. Gwen was radioactive. For a while, the two of us just sat there in silence. I, anxiously awaiting any kind of movement, and her, presumably lost in the hopelessness of the situation. It wasn¡¯t until two or so minutes went by that she finally spoke up again.
¡°Why does she make everything in my life about herself?¡±
I didn¡¯t respond. I was still in shock. She orchestrated all of that just to get me to leave Gwen¡¯s side? She cut herself and concocted a bowl of fake blood? Is she legitimately insane? Are these the lengths she¡¯ll go to have things go her way?
¡°I¡¯m sick of this.¡±
She opened the car door then immediately ran towards the house.
¡°Gwen, wait!¡±
I ran behind her as she rushed up to the porch, and I managed wrap my arms around her before she could get to the door.
¡°Let fucking go of me! I¡¯ll fucking kill her!¡±
¡°Stop it! Don¡¯t do anything stupid!¡±
¡°She fucking knew, Tristan! She knew we were hanging out for my birthday, and she pulled this shit! She¡¯s fucking with me! I know she is! She was fucking with me when she ruined Ben, and she¡¯s fucking with me now!¡±
¡°Stop it!¡±
¡°No! I¡¯m not going to stop! I¡¯m gonna fucking¡ AH!¡±
She pulled herself into me suddenly and circled us around to shield herself.
¡°What? What¡¯s wrong?¡±
¡°Bee¡¡±
¡°Bee?¡±
I turned around and found a small insect buzzing around near the door on Zoey¡¯s porch.
¡°Gwen, that¡¯s just a beetle.¡±
¡°I-I don¡¯t know, okay? It sounded like a bee. I can¡¯t risk anything with my allergies¡¡±
Gwen¡¯s small body no longer had any fight left. As my grip eased, she quickly slumped to her knees.
¡°Tristan¡¡±
She turned towards me with tears rolling down her face, a smile barely cracking at the edges of her mouth.
¡°I can¡¯t do this anymore. She¡¯s the antichrist. Surely you see it now, right? The lies, the manipulation, it¡¯s all right there. Please¡ just let me kill her. You¡¯ll let me, right?¡±
Having listened to her poem, I understand exactly how much this girl had broken her. Zoey Brahm had shattered her heart into a million pieces, and her shoes were now stomping over the fragments as if they mattered not. Was I the bad guy for letting her take me here? Would it have been better if she never knew?
¡°I can¡¯t let you.¡±
Whatever the answer to that question is, it doesn¡¯t change the fact that I still belong to Zoey. I can¡¯t just act against her interests. I can¡¯t¡ right?
¡°Tristan¡¡±
¡°Let¡¯s get back to the car.¡±
Just like with Zoey earlier, I hoisted her arm over my shoulder then walked her back down to the car.
¡°Fuck this¡¡±
The emotions inside of her needed an outlet. I could tell. My biggest fear was that she would do something crazy in the moment. If she couldn¡¯t hurt Zoey, then who would she hurt? Who could she hurt? There was only really one answer, wasn¡¯t there?
I let her slide back into the driver¡¯s seat then returned to my own side. The doors were shut and the two of us sat in silence for a moment. Silence, outside of the sound of Gwen sobbing angrily at the unfairness of Zoey and her whims. We sat there for what felt like an eternity. Just us in the deafening interior of the car, her cries stifled within glass windows for my ears and mine alone.
I couldn¡¯t look at her. Something told me that I didn¡¯t even deserve to even see her cry. That it was my fault she was crying like this, and that she¡¯d reprimand me if I so much as turned in her direction. But another part of me felt like this was the time to comfort her. To let her know that she wasn¡¯t alone. But would she understand that? Or would she think that I just wanted to feel her touch as a man? Once again, my resentment of my own masculinity began rearing its ugly head. I hated being a man. I hated second-guessing every action I took around women out of fear of finding out that I had creepy ulterior motives.
¡°Tristan,¡± she said suddenly. I froze for a moment, my blood turning to ice, but then I found myself steeling my own resolve as I turned to face her, ¡°The next time you talk to her, can you ask why?¡±
¡°Why¡ why what?¡±
¡°Why she took Ben away from me.¡±
Closure. That¡¯s all she could seek now. With her relationship with Benjamin grinded to dust, finding the motives for Zoey¡¯s callous actions was all she could ask for. She must have believed that such a selfish, destructive action might have had some thought or logic behind it. Did she change her mind about dating Ben? Or was she actively targeting Gwen? What was the reason for it? To be honest, I was curious about it too.
¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll find out for you. So don¡¯t do anything stupid before then, okay?¡±
¡°Okay¡ thanks.¡±
She wiped her tears and inhaled heavily in an attempt to unclog her nose, but she quickly gave up and blew into some tissue paper she took out from the storage compartment. I finally turned to face her since returning to the car. Streaks of her black eye shadow had crawled all the way down her face. Seeing her in this sorry state had left me with an eerie premonition. If Gwen and I truly were in similar predicaments, then it was as if I was looking into a crystal ball, staring down at my own future of heartbreak that was sure to arrive somewhere down the road. I could only believe that it was my own pessimism. And yet, in that moment, I was determined to risk it all to protect Zoey: the girl who hadn¡¯t even asked how my day went.
Volume 2 Chapter 3 - VII
Gwen gave me a lift back to my place at about 9PM. I was surprised by how much time I had spent with her in a single day. I fully expected to be back at home about three hours sooner than I had been. My parents were already up in their room around when I arrived, probably watching some cheesy sitcom like they usually do at that hour, so I managed to sneak in without revealing my bruises to them for the time being. Though, with everything that¡¯s been going on with me, I¡¯m sure they¡¯d have more than just a few questions whenever they finally behold what the tattoo artist Benjamin had done with my face.
As I grabbed a new ice bag from my parents own first-aid kit in the first-floor bathroom, there was a lurking sense of anxiety in my heart at what tomorrow and the day after might hold. I couldn¡¯t stop thinking about how warped the person I had fallen in love with truly was. How much she¡¯d hurt both Benjamin and Gwen was something I couldn¡¯t simply ignore. Manipulating them at every turn for seemingly no conceivable reason. And then there¡¯s how she¡¯s been treating me. She manipulated me into rigging the basketball game, and she tricked me into thinking she sustained some kind of serious head injury just to get me away from Gwen as quickly as possible.
And yet, I didn¡¯t confront her on it. I just let her go to bed as I continued to fantasize about potentially joining her there some day. My line of thinking is so laughably rotten that it makes me sick to my stomach. I naively believe even now that, if I openly forgive every one of her transgressions, then maybe she¡¯ll understand how dedicated I am to her. Then maybe she¡¯ll realize that I¡¯m someone she can trust with her deepest, darkest secrets. That maybe she¡¯d change and become the type of person capable of both love and remorse. I¡¯m so desperate to become someone that she can share those thoughts with, for her to become someone that I can share mine with, that I¡¯m somehow willing to look past what is plainly messed up behavior on her part.
When I finally made it to my room with the bag against my cheek, my phone vibrated on the inside of my pocket. Without turning on the light above my head, I pulled my device out and saw a new message from Naomi.
I¡¯m sorry about how today went. Did Gwen apologize to you properly?
I couldn¡¯t help but smile. She really was too good for Lance. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder how terrible today would¡¯ve went if she hadn¡¯t been there. As a matter of fact, her presence was another reason that I couldn¡¯t find it in myself to be too hard on Gwen for it all. After all, there was no reason for her to call in any of my allies if she really felt nothing about having Ben disparage me. In her own way, that might have been her way of looking out for me.
After I responded to Naomi, I received another message. This time, from ¡®Captain¡¯. It was a selfie she had taken with Laura from today, with the attached message delete in the morning, no doubt to erase any evidence of our texting activities.
Laura Young.
Judging by the image, she seemed to have slid into a gothic aesthetic since enrolling into college. And just like always, there wasn¡¯t a hint of a smile on her face. Just the usual cold, apathetic expression she always wore. The contrast between Zoey¡¯s casual wear and her bright smile made the two of them together a potent combination. Just how much did they both get hit on today? They must¡¯ve covered an entire continent of bases as far as the male spectrum of tastes went. It didn¡¯t help that they¡¯re both drop-dead attractive too.
It took me a moment, however, to remember that she¡¯d wanted me to hack Laura after today. The photo must have been her way of helping me out. So basically, I was expected to hang back and find anything that I could about her, and how she felt about today. To be honest, I hadn¡¯t even thought about using the power because I was so terrified of running into the spirit again. The sleepless nights it would have given me if I weren¡¯t so soaked in Zoey¡¯s calm would have ruined me. It would be my first hack since Benjamin during the basketball game, so I felt a bit anxious about it, especially since I didn¡¯t know her very well. What kind of person would I become after hacking her? I didn¡¯t know, but I would have to push through for Zoey.
So many things had happened today, that I had completely forgotten to ask Zoey why she thought I had hacked her today. Instead, I filled my head with thoughts of the girl in the photo, and after about an hour of battling with the pain in my body, my consciousness finally faded.
---
¡°I believe in God the Father almighty,
Creator of heaven and earth.
And in Jesus Christ, His only Son,
our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried.
He descended into hell; the third day
He rose again from the dead;
He ascended into heaven, and sits at
the right hand of God the Father
almighty, from thence He shall come
to judge the living and the dead.
I believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy Catholic Church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body
and life everlasting.
Amen.¡±
Intuitively, I understood that this must have been a Christian ritual. Laura Young sat in her room murmuring a prayer under candlelight while clutching a beaded cross in both hands. To go as far as to say such a prayer on an unremarkable day like this one was telling enough as to the kind of person she was. Despite her mode of dress in that picture Zoey took with her, she was unmistakably a devout Catholic.
Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
An angel in devil¡¯s clothes? She was saying so many ¡®Hail Marys¡¯ that I probably would have gotten bored and left had I been participating in this in my own body. However, there was something divine flowing through me(her) as she went through her prayers. I could tell that whatever this was may have been more than just an obligation for her to get through. It was an important ritual that filled her with unbridled love for life. It was a bright, colorful love that seemed to course through my(her) body just as naturally as blood flowed through our veins.
I sat in her body for about fifteen more minutes, just soaking in her earthly love for God and the world around her as she said her prayers. I listened to her soft voice recite them over and over. Her concentration was immaculate. There wasn¡¯t a single wasted breath, and there wasn¡¯t any hint of a rush in either her voice or her demeanor.
¡°Are you done yet?¡±
Her roommate spoke up the second her prayer had ended. The brown-haired girl lying in the bed on the opposite side of the small room was probably still learning about Laura¡¯s presumably nightly ritual. It was a new semester after all, so it¡¯s entirely possible that she was a new roommate.
¡°Yeah, I¡¯m done.¡±
¡°Okay, cool. Let¡¯s head out.¡±
The two of them left the dorm room and went for a leisurely campus stroll. Dream Paralysis has redefined the way I look at other people. The ability to truly step into another person¡¯s shoes and see the world the way they see it has warped a lot of preconceptions I¡¯ve had about myself, and about the people around me. But even still, as someone who¡¯s hacked five other people at this point, Laura was a different beast entirely.
Every cell in her body was filled with love for the world. The midnight breeze was seeping into her pores as if she were absorbing everything around her. The red maple leaves on the nearby trees dyed by the night¡¯s blue felt divinely beautiful. Even the man-made lights that lit up the cobblestone pathways across the campus felt as regal as the moon above. Like they were perfectly sculpted to highlight the elegance of the people beneath it.
¡°So, what¡¯d you do today, Laura?¡±
¡°Oh, me? Someone from my old high school wanted a campus tour so I showed her around.¡±
¡°Yeah, and of course miss goodie two-shoes couldn¡¯t say no, right?¡±
¡°Maybe not. But you know, I actually like this girl a lot.¡±
Love for Zoey. I felt it in her heart. She did genuinely care for her like she would a friend of many years. Her openness towards other people was apparent enough just from feeling what was inside of her for a few moments.
¡°But you know, you wouldn¡¯t know that you cared for her just by how you say it.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°I dunno. You sound like you¡¯re being sarcastic. And you look a little angry too. To be honest, I always thought you were scary before I got to know you. You never smile.¡±
¡°Oh. Yeah, I get that a lot.¡±
¡°Might be for the best though. If people knew how nice you are deep down, they¡¯d probably take advantage of you.¡±
¡°Maybe I seem nice, but that¡¯s just on the outside.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡± The girl asked.
¡°It¡¯s just that, while you might think I¡¯m nice, I do have my own selfish thoughts just like everyone else.¡±
¡°Well, you¡¯re only human, I guess. But still, you¡¯re a better human than everyone else on this miserable campus.¡±
Laura stopped to sit at a bench near the water fountain.
¡°I don¡¯t know Bella; I just think that there¡¯s so much beauty in the world. Every person you come across has their own life, their own story, and their own unique journey. They aren¡¯t simply just themselves, but an accumulation of the things they¡¯ve experienced throughout their lifetime. A homeless person is only homeless because someone or something failed them in life. Whether it¡¯s their parents, their teachers, or even the system we live in, it can all be boiled down to the cards they were dealt. And even the people or things that failed them have their own story. It¡¯s not like they don¡¯t regret some of how their life turned out, right? They just kind of lived a couple years and suddenly it all happened. All we can do as people is understand and hope that the world becomes a better place.¡±
¡°God, you¡¯re such a weirdo.¡± Her roommate laughed before taking a seat next to her. ¡°Okay, so what about me? Am I another one of your charity cases, or do you genuinely like talking to me?¡±
¡°I wouldn¡¯t call anyone a charity case. I like hanging out with everyone.¡±
¡°Okay, but am I special?¡±
¡°Special? You mean to me?¡±
¡°Yeah. Like, would you invite me to your wedding?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯d have a big wedding.¡±
¡°That¡¯s a really nice way of saying no.¡±
Laura stuck her tongue out playfully. ¡°Maybe after we get to know each other better.¡±
¡°Okay, sure. I¡¯ll hold you to it then.¡±
It was a complete departure from my hacks on Zoey. In fact, I¡¯d even go as far as to call the two girls complete opposites. From the muted apathy Zoey felt towards everything around her, to the sublime feeling of my heart swelling with love for the world that Laura held.
There wasn¡¯t a single doubt in her heart about anything in the world. Everything will be okay. The universe, no. God loves me, so even if things are bad, they¡¯re still good. Because they¡¯re all according to His intentions.
It wasn¡¯t so much as understanding Christian principles that helped her feel this way. It was that she had ingrained so much of them into the core of her being that Christ¡¯s teachings came to her as naturally as breathing. Constant bible study, praying every night, church every Sunday, and then applying His lessons to her daily life. If this truly was who Laura Young was, then she was a Christian through and through, and I felt the benefits of that kind of lifestyle the second our souls had joined together.
Was this the solution to my life of anxiety and fear? Should I accept religion into my heart? Would His love transform the neurotic nightmare that comes with existence into something more peaceful? I didn¡¯t know the answers to those questions. But instead, I decided to stay with her for a while longer. I wanted to understand how her personality of love and understanding would change my everyday life. The effects of a hacking victim¡¯s personality last for about three days. So at the very least, for the next few days, Tristan Collins would live not as just another human being trying to get through the day, but as a loving, understanding person willing to take everything as it comes.
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - I
My newfound vision was greeted by an ocean of crimson red that stretched out over the horizon. The sand at my feet clung to me firmly as the apocalyptic sky of purple cast shadows down on the land thanks in part to its seemingly infinite number of stars above. Any attempts I made to tug at my legs only served to highlight how truly helpless I was as my shoes stuck to the ground. No, it wasn¡¯t the ground. It was them. The tendrils that had emerged from those shadows were holding me in place. I was forced to stand there as a helpless spectator to the doomed soul before me.
It was the distraught, desperate face of Benjamin Otto as he slowly sunk into the red sea.
¡°Why, Tristan? Why?¡±
He uttered those final words before his lungs began to fill with the strange sea water. There was no fighting the guilt anymore. He was a soul I had condemned to the bottom of the ocean thanks to my own greed. I wanted this. I fought against my own desire to stay out of the limelight, and this is the result. I pushed someone down to get what I wanted. And what¡¯s worse is that I justified his demise by calling him evil.
The smell of blood rusted the insides of my nostrils as a gentle breeze ruffled my hair, showering me under the weight of my actions.
Can you live with it, Tristan Collins?
A familiar voice, one I¡¯d been hearing all week. Its voice did not feel like an external function of the world, but rather a reverberation of my own soul. It was feminine yet masculine, weak yet strong, peaceful yet threatening.
The culmination of two voices, two souls in one vessel. My heart began to beat rapidly in my chest. I was about to explode. Is this the end of me? Am I¡ dead?
---
It was bonding time on Monday, and my father and I were out cycling through the neighborhood roads like always. The sun was already well over the horizon. Daylight savings time had come, which meant that our bike rides would no longer be covered by a vague blanket of darkness for the coming months.
The switching of time was an awkward thing for Deer Valley. As the two mountains ranges that loomed above the city served as natural blinders to the sun for some hours of the day, it meant that some areas, depending on their location, were more starved for sunlight than others. The exception to this is any community existing within the middle horizontal line of Deer Valley. When examined top-down from a map, the mountains stretched north at a slant rather than purely vertically, so there are certain areas that experience normal sunlight cycles. The strip of land blessed with this experience is called the ¡°Sun Line¡±, and it includes certain suburbs including this one, the downtown area, and the area around Deer Valley State. Areas that don¡¯t exist in the Sun Line, such as Bucktail, are typically lower income since they¡¯re less attractive to the average property buyer.
This is all to say that daylight savings served as a time of extra sunlight in the morning for those who lived south of the Sun Line. Regardless of that, however, the change in sunlight had granted me a newfound outlook on our morning ride.
What could I possibly say about the serenity of that morning that truly captured its essence? Aside from the sun, nothing had actually changed. A bright red northern cardinal sat perched atop the telephone wires above, exchanging calls with another bird further away. It flew off when a sudden autumn breeze blew past, brushing the rusted fall leaves of the oak trees, where squirrels were scampering about near their trunks, collecting the newly dropped acorns in preparation for the long winter. They cast my father and me occasional, weary glances as we cycled past them on our bonding journey. Indeed, it was all par for the course as far as my mornings went.
And yet, I found myself admiring this breathtaking every day as it was cast in this comforting, warm sunlight. Every little bit of mother nature¡¯s grace was overflowing with so much love for itself that I felt my heart warming up inside of my chest. It was surreal how beautiful familiar scenery could look with just a small change of perspective. How did I not realize just how much I truly loved being alive? Why didn¡¯t I appreciate my everyday surroundings? I waved at the familiar people who sat on their porches looking out for us as they usually did, and my dad laughed.
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¡°You¡¯re in a good mood today son. Thinking about your girlfriend, huh?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, I think I just feel really blessed today.¡±
His smile only sort of curved at the edge of his face, but his furrowed brows couldn¡¯t mask what was going on beneath his expression. Yesterday, my parents wound up holding a pseudo-intervention for me to ask about the bruise on my face. When I told them the truth, they decided that they would call the school, but they calmed down when I told them that the police had it under control. Between the suspension, the sneaking out for homecoming and now this, they were understandably on edge concerning my life at school. If there was any saving grace, it¡¯s that Zoey showing her face led them to believe that I was living a joyful life now. If only they knew that she was the reason things were all such a mess.
¡°Well, it¡¯s good that you feel that way son. I hope things go well for you today. Let us know what happens, okay? That kid deserves to be expelled. Rachel¡¯s friend said he punched a referee at the homecoming game too. Kid¡¯s a bad apple.¡±
¡°I think he¡¯s just going through a lot.¡±
It might sound disingenuous after everything that¡¯s gone on with him, but I truly wasn¡¯t upset with Ben. Not about Gwen, about Zoey, or even about him raising his hands on me. For the past two days, there has been this fermenting urge within me to reject the entire premise that he was this domineering figure of evil that I had always viewed him as.
It reminded me of something Lance had said a few weeks ago. That, perhaps he¡¯d had his own reason for hitting Gwen, and that while it wasn¡¯t forgivable, it might be a situation that someone could follow the warped logic that led up to him doing it. Barring some form of mental illness, human beings don¡¯t act illogically. He might have anger issues that he needed to get resolved, and he might be misguided. I could argue both of those things, but who even knows what misfortunes throughout his life had even placed him in that situation to begin with? And would I be any different if I had similar things planted within me?
¡°Son, you don¡¯t have to be so understanding. He¡¯s¡ I mean, he¡¯s got a history.¡±
¡°Yeah, but I still think he should be given a chance.¡±
¡°Why?¡±
I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever had any meaningful confrontation like that one with my dad. Any friction between myself and my parents was one where the tensions had escalated out of passion. To calmly oppose them like this was out of character for me.
¡°If I beat someone up, would you write me off as a bad apple?¡±
¡°One bad situation doesn¡¯t make a bad apple, son.¡±
¡°No, but it wouldn¡¯t be my first. I already got suspended last week.¡±
He didn¡¯t respond. The whirring of the bike chains filled the silence as he continued pedaling alongside me.
¡°Son¡ are you okay?¡±
¡°I¡¯ve never felt better,¡± I said without smiling.
The world was breathing new life into me with every passing second. I¡¯ve always been so wrapped up in anxiety and self-loathing that I hadn¡¯t taken a moment to stop and appreciate all the majesty that existed in my life. It was the best I¡¯d felt in years. Perhaps hacking Laura Young had been a different kind of drug.
¡°Well either way, however you feel, just don¡¯t cover for him. Your mom would lose her mind if she knew he got off scot-free. I mean golly-gee son, he needs to be held accountable at some point.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think he should be expelled though.¡±
That dream I had of Benjamin after the homecoming game flashed through my head. About how I had condemned him to that journey through the tunnel. How he attempted to drag me down with him, asking why. Why had I left him to rot? Why did I leave him to be taken by that nothingness? Is that fair? Is condemning him to the empty world of the tunnel truly fair?
¡°Son, listen. You have a good heart. I know that. But you can¡¯t just let people walk over you like that. There needs to be consequences.¡±
I pulled at my brakes, and my bike screeched to a stop in the road. Noticing this, my dad also tugged on his brakes then turned back to face me.
¡°There¡¯s consequences and then there¡¯s consequences, dad.¡± When I stopped to think about it, things looked terrible for Benjamin Otto. My actions had taken away the girl of his dreams, his chance at a career in the NBA, and his girlfriend of three years. If I let him get expelled on top of that, then what¡¯s truly left for him? He¡¯ll lose his friends too. He might even lose a chance at a regular future. ¡°Just how many times must someone be trampled over until it¡¯s enough? Don¡¯t they deserve sympathy at some point?¡±
It was a perspective that the usual me, blinded by my own emotions, couldn¡¯t possibly act on. What I wanted at that moment wasn¡¯t petty revenge or the momentary relief it would grant me, but a solution that would resolve it peacefully for everyone involved. It¡¯s not like he¡¯s completely irredeemable. There was a part of him that Gwen fell in love with. So surely even Ben isn¡¯t all bad. He just needs a helping hand to pull him out of the abyss he¡¯s hurdling towards. Kicking him down is the last thing we should do.
¡°I get where you¡¯re coming from son, but¡ you can¡¯t take it upon yourself to save every single mal-adjusted person you meet. It¡¯s his parents¡¯ job to take care of him and understand him. For the rest of us, avoiding those bad apples is all we can hope for. Listen, I¡ I just don¡¯t want you to be taken advantage of. Leave it to his parents and the professionals. Live your own life.¡±
My dad is a good person. I could tell that he just wanted what was best for me. He wasn¡¯t corralling me into forcefully adhering to his opinion, but was trying to guide me to the truth as he believed it existed with his years of experience. But I had already made up my mind.
¡°I don¡¯t think he¡¯s that irredeemable.¡± I kicked my feet off the ground and began cycling again. The sun was finally rearing its brilliance over even those south of the Sun Line now. Its bright rays beamed over the darkness and ended the night I¡¯d been facing for the entirety of our journey. It had granted me a new outlook on everything around me. I don¡¯t know what the future will hold, but I know now at least that this feeling is something that should be shared with the entire world.
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - II
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
My conversation with Laura Young the day before had fundamentally warped some part of me. I don¡¯t know whether God truly exists or not. The core principle of Christian belief is unwavering faith in Jesus Christ and His teachings, and the eternal salvation your soul is granted for following said faith. While I might not personally adhere to these beliefs, I must admit that I may actually be making the wrong choice.
My life of egregious sin may only end up granting me a one-way ticket to eternal damnation. If heaven and hell truly do exist, then I couldn¡¯t think of a more suitable punishment for someone like me. But still, even if I¡¯m right, and there is no God, then it meant that Laura Young is still right.
The world in which one chooses not to believe in an afterlife is one spent in paranoia over the fact that their experiences might end at any moment. That all their agonizing over every single little thing was for nothing.
Comparatively, the believer¡¯s life is one of bliss. God¡¯s rules are already etched into the pages of the bible. Everything bad that happens is just another one of God¡¯s tests, and every big break is a reward for your undying faith. The gift of life is not only something that deserves appreciation, but is also richer and far more enjoyable. The understanding of a greater purpose makes every second of suffering feel worth it for the prize that will inevitably come somewhere down the road.
Perhaps I had had it wrong. Perhaps my rival wasn¡¯t Andrew Jackson after all. No, to become truly great, I would have to become someone that rivals God Himself. To be loved unquestioningly by such a grand number of people could only be the greatest joy in the entire universe. Billions of people express their gratitude towards you every day. A book of over one thousand pages, filled from cover to cover with your teachings, is the best-selling book of all time. Your every word is touted as something that should be obeyed as strictly as the laws that govern our country.
Yes, I¡¯m not afraid to admit that I¡¯m envious of the love that He receives. To be God must be the most fulfilling existence in the entire universe. Thinking about it from that angle, perhaps I had been too small sighted in my envy for the man on the twenty-dollar bill. In the entire US, there only exists nine statues of the late president to this day. Comparatively, just how many memorials and sculptures have been made in honor of the Abrahamic religions, exactly?
In my sleep-deprived state, my mind navigated such contrived thoughts of Godhood as I entered the photography club room. If I were the God of this school, then this would be my own personal heaven. My throne above the peons, where my loyal servants exist only temporally to worship me and everything I¡¯ve created for them. And the members of my club, in that case, would be the angels in heaven.
¡°Mmnn¡¡±
And yet, my fantasy was shattered the moment I found a lazing Lance napping with his feet up on the club room¡¯s sofa. Envy filled every nerve, artery, vein, tissue, and organ in my body. It frustrated me for no other reason than that, for the past few days, I had practically been at death¡¯s door. I was far too paranoid about Oliver potentially hacking me to fall asleep. I couldn¡¯t let him know that I wasn¡¯t the other host of the spirit. Who knows how emboldened he would become once he realized my powerlessness? He would use everything in his arsenal to get the name of the true host out of me.
Instead, I spent the past two days looking up any sign of this Oliver person on the internet. I couldn¡¯t find anything, and I didn¡¯t dare ask Carla about him after she chewed me out on Saturday before they went out. To be frank, I still didn¡¯t even know if it was his real name. Anyway, this all circles back to the metaphorical slap in the face that was this heretic sleeping before me while I was in such a rundown state. Though, one must ask. Would God really be envious of one of His angels? Or would He simply use His power to smite them and be done with it?
¡°Who gave you permission to sleep in here?¡± I asked.
¡°Huh¡?¡± His eyes flickered open then shifted in my direction. ¡°Oh, hey Zoey. What¡¯s with the bandage? Fall down some stairs?¡±
The cut was healing cleanly so it probably wouldn¡¯t scar. I would be able to remove the bandage before bed too. But I decided to ignore his question since I didn¡¯t care for a change of subject. ¡°Where¡¯s Tristan?¡±
If my cool could so easily dissipate at just the sight of Lance napping, then my mind was most likely at its limits. As much as it pained me to admit it, the only chance of me surviving the rest of the week would be if Tristan himself hacked me while I slept. Perhaps his presence could fend Oliver off if he made any attempts, or perhaps it would at least give him the idea that I do, in fact, possess the spirit. I had no idea how such an interaction would work, but it¡¯s possible that two people couldn¡¯t hack the same person. My brain was too jumbled to narrow down all the possible interactions, but I needed to take the risk anyway. The only thing certain is that if I let him hack me without Tristan there to defend me, then I¡¯m done for.
¡°Tristan¡?¡± He sat up then rubbed his eyes. ¡°I dunno. That Lawrence guy wanted to talk to him about something. No clue where they went.¡±
¡°Lawrence?¡± I clicked my tongue. I gave him too much information by asking him to keep tabs on Tristan. Coupled with the fact that Gwen was also spending time with him, that womanizer was probably more than curious about what he was up to.
¡°Should I call him?¡± Lance asked.
¡°No, it¡¯s fine. I¡¯m just surprised that you showed up at all. You don¡¯t need to be here every day, you know.¡±
¡°Oh yeah, about that. Do you have anything for me?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think so,¡± I said, reaching for my phone.
¡°What? Tristan said there¡¯d be a surprise for me today¡¡±
¡°A surprise? I didn¡¯t hear anything about that.¡±
¡°Huh, weird,¡± he said, looking down at his own phone.
Truth be told, I couldn¡¯t care less about this supposed surprise. I just needed to make sure that nothing strange was afoot with Lawrence. There was a conundrum to face here. I couldn¡¯t face Oliver without Tristan. I needed to mold him into someone I could trust not to betray me. And to do that, I needed to get all of these outside influences that could potentially antagonize our relationship to stay away from him. Namely, Warren, Lawrence, and now Gwen. The order of operations was apparent. Force them to keep their distance, pull Tristan into the fold, then confront Oliver. With that reaffirmed in my mind, I stepped outside of the photography club then called Lawrence. The phone rang three times before he finally picked up.
¡°Hey baby girl.¡±
¡°Hey Larry.¡±
¡°Oh for¡¡± He really didn¡¯t like being called Larry, it seemed. ¡°What do you want?¡±
¡°What are you doing right now?¡±
¡°What am I doing?¡± He paused, probably to think. ¡°I¡¯m just chilling at the gym getting the team ready for spring. What¡¯re you doing?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t play dumb. You¡¯re with Tristan.¡±
He went quiet. I was on the mark, I guess. Lance being in the clubroom might have been a stroke of luck after all.
¡°Hey, sorry. One of my girls wants to talk to me. I¡¯ve gotta take this. Wait here for a sec.¡± His voice was almost out of earshot of the phone, so he must¡¯ve been talking to whoever was next to him. After uttering the words, the line went quiet for a moment until he finally spoke again. ¡°Okay, so I¡¯m with Tristan. What about it?¡±
¡°One of your girls?¡±
¡°Try not to make a liar out of me. Anyway, you¡¯re the one who¡¯s been avoiding my calls. I¡¯m just trying to get your attention here.¡±
¡°So, you don¡¯t actually care about Tristan?¡±
¡°I do. I feel bad about what happened on Saturday. And plus, I kinda like the guy. He seems like a cool person. That must be why you¡¯ve been into him too, I¡¯m guessing. He your type or what?¡±
I sighed. ¡°Lawrence, be serious for a sec. Do you think I¡¯d just not tell you everything after you threatened me? You don¡¯t think it¡¯s because I had other stuff going on? Surely you saw the bandage on my forehead."
To be honest, the real reason I had been avoiding him was because I was in no hurry to placate whatever borderline incestuous obsession he had with Laura Young when I had so many other things to worry about. I needed to sleep. My mind was barely functioning at the level necessary to upkeep my daily life, and my heart was working overtime due to the lack of rest. I needed Tristan to be at the club today, not the lazy animal sleeping on my sofa.
¡°So is he, or is he not?¡±
¡°Not what?¡± I asked.
¡°Your type.¡±
I sighed again. ¡°I can¡¯t say that I¡¯m not interested, but unfortunately for him, my mind has been filled with thoughts of an Oliver lately.¡±
¡°Oliver, huh? Can¡¯t say I know an Oliver.¡±
¡°I would hope not, he doesn¡¯t go to this school. Are you here to ask me about my love life or about the other thing?
¡°Okay fine,¡± he said, ¡°What happened?¡±
¡°Well, to no one¡¯s surprise, Enzo wasn¡¯t trying to get into contact with her. In fact, she barely even remembered him from her time in high school. I feel like I completely wasted my time because, like I said at homecoming, he was probably just trying to get under your skin.¡±
I heard a sigh of relief come from his end. Was it really bothering him that much?
¡°Could you ask her to keep you updated?¡±
¡°Sure, but I doubt he¡¯d make a move considering she has a boyfriend.¡±
The phone line suddenly went quiet. Any movement, any breathing, any hint of a word escaping Lawrence¡¯s lips, all of that dissipated like an illusionist¡¯s trick.
¡°I¡¯m sorry, she has a what?¡±
I had a bad feeling about that response.
¡°A boyfriend.¡±
¡°Wh-what? Who? Since when?¡±
¡°What? Who cares? It¡¯s none of your business.¡±
¡°Find out for me.¡±
I pinched the bridge of my nose. ¡°Are you serious?¡±
¡°Well, I need to know if he¡¯s serious about her or not. I don¡¯t want her to-¡±
¡°To what? To be toyed with the way you toy with girls?¡±
He went quiet. The intense urge to rip into this creepy parasite was like an itch that wouldn¡¯t go away. Lawrence Young is pathetic, but I¡¯m too involved with him to say no to his requests at this point.
Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.
¡°Never mind,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯ll try to arrange to hang out with them this weekend. How does that sound?¡±
¡°Thanks Zoey, you¡¯re a lifesaver.¡±
¡°Are we done then?¡±
¡°No, uh, one more thing. I need you to set me up with a girl.¡±
¡°Seriously?¡±
¡°Please. This one¡¯s urgent. I need to have her.¡±
I let out a sigh. ¡°Listen, I don¡¯t know if I have the mental space right now to-¡±
¡°It¡¯s Naomi Fraise.¡±
When I heard the name, every word of rejection that was about to spill out of my mouth had jumped right back down my throat. Naomi? He was genuinely interested in her? And he wanted to make a move on her now? Was it because he sensed that Lance¡¯s grip on her was loosening?
I don¡¯t know what his reasons are, but I had to admit, it had piqued my curiosity. Lance and Naomi were already split up, but it felt like things were still hanging by a thread. Should I really be the one to sever them forever? It might not be all that difficult, but...
¡°Maybe I can have something arranged.¡±
The second I said it, my face fell flat onto my palm. Why did I agree to more work? It¡¯s always when I¡¯m swamped that I¡¯m enticed by the notion of stirring another pot. I really wasn¡¯t thinking straight at all. Well, not that it matters. It really wouldn¡¯t take much work to split the two of them.
¡°Really? Awesome! Thanks Zoey, you¡¯re the best.¡±
¡°But on one condition, there¡¯s something I was kind of curious about¡¡±
¡°What is it?¡±
Once our conversation was done, I hung up the phone and sighed. Really and truly, he must be the biggest idiot on earth. To blackmail me so brazenly then ask me for favors a week later like nothing ever happened, does he think I¡¯m just going to keep letting him walk over me like this forever? No, not Lawrence. I decided after the call ended that I¡¯d give him the same week I¡¯d given Oliver. I¡¯d allow him to enjoy his innocuous high school life for about that much longer. But once this week is over, it will be time for karma to come and collect. But for the time being, I needed to figure out how to get some rest.
Still, I was a little concerned about Tristan. Is he truly going to stay loyal forever? I can feel the spell of love being peeled off carefully. Gwen is scratching at the edges, Lance is on guard around me, Naomi is probably taking his side on it too, and now, even Lawrence is getting into his ear. Will I be able to enjoy the privilege of being the girl of his dreams forever? No, of course not. Not if I don¡¯t feed him something to get excited about every now and then. As much as it pains me to admit it, as much as I loathe his guts and every aspect of him as a human being, I needed those powers of his. And for that purpose, I¡¯ll do everything possible to control him.
I returned inside and found Lance still lying on the sofa with his phone in hand. I decided that If I were ever to become God, I would strike him down with a bolt of lightning. However, lucky for him, I am not God. At least for now, I am just another human being. And as another human being, all I could do was sigh in disappointment and head to my desk.
¡°Who were you talking to?¡±
¡°Were you eavesdropping?¡± I asked as I took my seat.
¡°Huh? No, I couldn¡¯t even if I wanted to. I just heard something that sounded like talking outside. What, was it your boyfriend?¡±
¡°Who wants to know?¡±
¡°Well, I think it¡¯s pretty obvious why I¡¯d want to know.¡±
¡°Oh? Is this a love confession?¡± I grinned.
¡°Not mine.¡±
¡°Oh, so he told you then.¡± Of course he did. The boy was his best friend. Why wouldn¡¯t he talk about his love interest with him?
¡°Yeah,¡± he said, placing his phone at his side. ¡°And what are you going to do about it?¡±
What indeed, I wondered? If I¡¯m to remain in Tristan¡¯s good graces, at the very least I would need his best friend¡¯s approval of me. Everyone else aside, if he decided that I was no good then the uphill battle of controlling Tristan would bear no fruit.
¡°Keep it a secret from him, but I¡¯m actually considering it.¡±
¡°Really?¡±
At his surprised expression, I offered him a smile. ¡°What, is it that hard to believe?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah? I don¡¯t know much about you, but I can¡¯t imagine that you¡¯d choose Tristan over Ben.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t believe you actually think that.¡±
¡°What?¡± He scratched his head. ¡°Why not?¡±
¡°No, why not yourself, Lance? Why are you friends with Tristan over Ben?¡±
¡°Well, he¡¯s way easier to get along with than that intense blockhead, for one.¡±
¡°Yeah, and?¡±
¡°And he¡¯s got a heart of gold. He cares about other people¡¯s well-being. Especially mine, as his friend.¡±
I shook my head. ¡°But Lance, if that¡¯s true, then why is it so hard to believe that I might also see those things in him?¡±
¡°Because high school girls are stupid and choose guys like Ben and Lawrence over guys like Tristan. Face it, girls like toxic guys who manipulate and boss them around more than sweet, shy guys like Tristan.¡±
¡°You sound like an incel.¡±
¡°Hey, you know what? Yeah, I am an incel. I play way too many video games, I jerk off to anime babes every day, and I say every slur that you can think of behind closed doors. And before you ask, yes, even that one. But here¡¯s the kicker Zoey: none of that makes what I just said any less true. High school girls would rather try to fix the shithead guy who slights them at every turn because of how fun they are over the nice, stable guys like Tristan who value their attention more than anyone else¡¯s. So you saying that you like him just strikes me as weird.¡±
¡°It¡¯s the fact that you think high school girls are a monolith that makes you an incel, not what you do for recreation. Though, I won¡¯t deny that it¡¯s a symptom. You don¡¯t think it¡¯s possible that I don¡¯t fit the stereotype you¡¯ve concocted in your head?¡±
¡°Possible? Oh sure, but I seriously doubt it. Listen, I really am down to be wrong, okay? I just haven¡¯t seen it yet.¡±
I said nothing. I just smiled and stared his way. That¡¯s the simplest tip I¡¯d give to anyone who wanted to befriend the people around them. Just smile. You¡¯d be surprised at how easily they warm up to you. Watching his face contort with confusion was kind of adorable.
¡°You look like shit. Are you good?¡±
It appeared as if my lack of sleep had rendered my smile less effective than I¡¯d hoped.
¡°Sorry, I haven¡¯t been sleeping much,¡± I said, rubbing my head. ¡°Did you remember to bring in that coffee you mentioned last week?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh, yeah. Give me a minute, I¡¯m kinda craving some too.¡±
¡°Thanks.¡±
As Lance got up to head over to the table, carrying the container of instant coffee he¡¯d pulled from his backpack, the door flipped open with such force that only one other person could have been responsible for it.
¡°Yoooo! Wassup Zoey!¡±
Jazmine, as hyper and preppy as always, burst into the room with an entire tsunami of energy pouring in alongside her. Today was not the best day for her to be this energetic.
¡°Afternoon,¡± I replied.
¡°Woah girl! What happened to your forehead? Are you okay?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a small cut. Don¡¯t worry about it.¡±
¡°Dude,¡± Lance interrupted. ¡°You¡¯re like, way too loud. Some of us just woke up from a nap, you know.¡±
¡°Just go home if you want to nap then,¡± Jaz said. ¡°No one wants you here.¡±
¡°Uh, wrong! Zoey and I have been sharing some QUALITY bonding time without you here, thank you.¡±
¡°Oh, have you, now?¡±
A new voice popped in from out of nowhere. I turned around and found the familiar face of Naomi standing in front of the door. Dressed in black, skin-tight pants that went all the way down to her knees, and a lime-green hoodie.
¡°What are you doing here?¡± he asked, seeming both surprised and annoyed.
¡°Tristan asked me to join the club because he thought it¡¯d be fun. But you know, if I¡¯m getting in the way of your quality bonding time with Zoey then I can just leave.¡±
From the venomous smirk she wore to the light-hearted tone of her voice, those words that oozed out anger and envy felt almost playful. Was she genuinely upset or was it all just irony?
¡°Why is Tristan getting you involved in this? This is just weird, man. You¡¯re already on the Volleyball team.¡±
¡°Oh, I quit. I¡¯d rather be here.¡±
¡°You what?¡±
¡°I said I quit. I¡¯d rather-¡±
¡°No, I HEARD you. I¡¯m asking why the hell you quit. You were on the team since 9th grade.¡±
¡°Like I said, I¡¯d rather-¡±
¡°Don¡¯t mess with me, dude! Don¡¯t just quit like that!¡±
¡°What? What¡¯s wrong with you? It was my decision.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s not just ¡®your decision¡¯. You did it because you wanted to hang out with me. See? This is why I never joined any clubs to begin with.¡±
¡°Who cares about why I did it? What¡¯s important is that it¡¯s what I want deep down.¡±
¡°Nao¡¡± he said, resigning.
Oh dear. There was some trouble in paradise. It seemed like two of God¡¯s little angels were having a bit of a disagreement. That¡¯s no good at all. Heaven is supposed to be a sanctuary for all my little disciples. We¡¯ve got to resolve this as soon as possible.
¡°Lance,¡± I said. ¡°I think I understand where you¡¯re coming from.¡±
¡°Huh? Like hell you do.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t? To me it sounds like you¡¯re worried that she¡¯s going to give up on everything she¡¯s got going on in her own life for you, right? And that feeling is stifling you, because you don¡¯t want to have to live with that much pressure.¡±
¡°Well, yeah¡¡±
¡°But, that¡¯s not-¡° Naomi started, but I held my hand out to stop her.
¡°It might not be, but that¡¯s just how he feels. He¡¯s just a little too stupid to express himself in a way that isn¡¯t inflammatory.¡±
¡°Dude, come on man.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry Lance, I¡¯ll try talking to her. You can go play with Tristan in the meantime.¡±
¡°Oh,¡± Naomi scoffed. ¡°So he¡¯s just gonna run away and have you handle it for him?¡±
Lance sighed. ¡°Who cares? It¡¯s not like you ever listen to me anyway.¡± He turned the kettle on after placing the coffee on the table, then walked past Jaz and Naomi to the exit. ¡°Yeah, some surprise this was. Merry freaking Christmas, Trist. Great idea.¡±
For some reason, he decided to slam my door behind him as he left. It took everything in my power to not run after him and give him a piece of my mind. Naomi seemed to be unhappy with how he¡¯d left too. She walked over to the sofa then slouched as if the energy in her body had been completely drained. This worked perfectly for me, however. I had a mission from Lawrence to carry out after all.
¡°Hey Jaz, can you take over with the leftover Homecoming emails?¡± I asked.
¡°Hmm? Oh yeah. You got it boss.¡±
She did a half-serious salute then took over at the computer desk. Approaching someone who¡¯s clearly as distraught as Naomi is, especially as someone with no personal connection, is a tedious task. Just one wrong move could make a huge mess for everyone involved. But still, there was no need to be scared. I had a lot of leverage in this conversation. I am the president of the club that she so wants to join. This naturally means that she¡¯ll be more forgiving of me pushing her boundaries than if a normal person were to try it.
¡°So, you know how Lance feels,¡± she said. ¡°Are you going to say to know how I feel too?¡±
¡°Honestly Nao? I don¡¯t really know or care how you feel. We don¡¯t know each other outside of club stuff.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
She accepted it rather easily, didn¡¯t she?
¡°So what¡¯s wrong with you and Lance? Why are the two of you on bad terms?¡±
¡°I thought you didn¡¯t care about how I felt.¡±
¡°Personally, I don¡¯t. But I care about Tristan, and he cares about the two of you. The least I could do is hear you out, right?¡±
She let out a giggle. ¡°I guess that¡¯s true.¡±
The relationship between myself and Naomi was simple enough to understand. She only cared about me by virtue of Lance, and I only cared about her by virtue of Tristan. By allowing her to view it through that lens, it would make it easier for her to let her guard down.
¡°So, tell me about it. Why aren¡¯t you two dating anymore?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know. He said he wanted a break.¡±
¡°A break?¡±
¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t know either. To be honest, I thought he was just tired of me. But after we broke up, he kept talking to me like normal, so I honestly didn¡¯t care all that much that we were broken up. It¡¯s not like he was looking at other girls or anything, so who cares? He still made me feel like the only girl in his life. It was nice.¡±
¡°Okay, and how long has this break been going on for?¡±
¡°It was in 10th grade so, almost two years.¡±
¡°Jeez girl,¡± Jaz turned around suddenly. ¡°Two years? It¡¯s time to get yourself a new guy I think.¡±
¡°I¡¯m never going to meet someone like Lance.¡±
I did my best to resist the urge to gag on the spot. Why are all these love-addled idiots so brainwashed? There¡¯s at least a billion other men in the world in your dating range. There¡¯s no reason to limit yourself to one guy you happened to share a math class with.
¡°You still haven¡¯t told us why he wanted a break though. Did you do something wrong?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know. He said I didn¡¯t do anything, but I really can¡¯t tell if he¡¯s being truthful or not. Actually, I¡¯ve been trying not to think about it for the longest time. I was fine with our situationship, really. We don¡¯t kiss or cuddle anymore, but I¡¯m okay with just spending time with him. Or at least I was, but ever since that whole drama with all of you during homecoming week, I¡¯ve been thinking about love like, way more. I just think it¡¯s beautiful to want someone so badly that you¡¯d do anything just to be held in their arms.¡±
I bit my lower lip. It suddenly dawned on me that she was just like Gwen. Lance might not be like Ben, but she¡¯s probably exactly like Gwen when it comes to love. And to be honest, it was beginning to get on my nerves.
¡°And that¡¯s why you quit the volleyball team to join this club with him?¡±
¡°Well, I didn¡¯t join it FOR him.¡± I raised an eyebrow and she let out a guilty smile. ¡°Okay, maybe I did. Is that so bad?¡±
¡°It might be. Maybe he wants you to live your own life outside of him.¡±
¡°But, I am.¡±
¡°And maybe you are, but to him, it probably feels like you¡¯re cutting away slowly at the parts of your life that don¡¯t involve him. You¡¯ve been broken up for years and you haven¡¯t moved on romantically, and now you¡¯re quitting your club to join the club that he¡¯s in.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s wrong!¡± She stood up. ¡°He needs to stop feeling that way, Zoey. What should I say to him?¡±
She¡¯s taken the bait. A grin tugged at my lips. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know. You should probably try to make him feel like you¡¯re your own person. Hang out with other people, do other things, and make a show of it. Just for a little bit. Maybe he¡¯ll get jealous and come crawling back.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t want him to get jealous.¡±
¡°And you don¡¯t want to stay at this awkward distance from him either, right? But you¡¯re going to have to make a choice somewhere along the road. Besides, it¡¯s just for a little bit. If he feels confident that you¡¯ll be there for him forever, then he¡¯s not going to be in any rush to fix this. He needs to understand that you¡¯re valuable and that you have other options.¡±
¡°Well, I guess¡¡±
Naomi was hesitant, but she did seem to be pondering it. That suited me just fine. All she needed was just a little push.
¡°Don¡¯t worry, you¡¯re not talking to anyone romantically. You¡¯d just be two classmates chatting about the weather. It¡¯s Lance¡¯s fault if he gets the wrong idea.¡±
¡°Yeah¡ yeah, that¡¯s right. It is his fault. Besides, he¡¯s the one who broke up with me in the first place.¡±
¡°Now you¡¯re getting it.¡± I turned to Jaz, who seemed to be wearing a worried expression, and she quickly turned away to face the computer when she caught my gaze. I turned back to look at Naomi. ¡°You¡¯ll be together again in no time. I¡¯m sure of it.¡±
¡°Well, thanks. It¡¯s been so long that being together again kind of just feels like a dream. Like it¡¯s something that¡¯ll never happen again. But if you say that it will, then maybe it will.¡±
¡°It will, but not if you sit there forever waiting for a miracle. You need to make it happen with your own two hands.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡± She opened and closed her hands in front of her face.
I folded my legs then leaned slightly into her, doing my best not to fall asleep in the cushy embrace of the sofa.
¡°By the way, since we¡¯re already talking about it¡ you spoke to Lawrence on Saturday, right? What do you think about him?¡±
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - III
¡°Okay Tristan, I have to ask. Did you or did you not go easy on Ben this morning?¡±
I was seated courtside on the gym bench when Lawrence Young, having invited me to sit in for basketball practice, posed me the question. A small towel hung off his shoulders around his neck as he adjusted his basketball shorts by the hem. It was my first time inspecting him this closely. Despite his lean build, I found the thickness of his muscles to be impressive even in the shadows of Benjamin¡¯s daunting figure.
His bulging arms poked out of the purple Deer Valley High basketball vest with the number 12 printed in red that he¡¯d been wearing. A part of me suddenly felt self-conscious about my lanky build. I was confident in my legs thanks to my biking routine, but my arms weren¡¯t even in the same ballpark as this guy¡¯s. But there was also a small part of me that admired the dedication that went into sculpting that body of his. It was inspiring to know that I could chisel out that kind of figure for myself with enough effort.
As for what he was asking about, the principal had in fact called me into his office to give my accounting of what occurred at the mall on Saturday. Giving him enough information to help Ben avoid expulsion while not contradicting whatever the others had probably said was something I struggled to navigate, but I did decide on a path forward eventually.
¡°Hey, you gonna answer today or what?¡± he asked again.
¡°All I did was say I¡¯d instigated it, and that he wasn¡¯t really at fault,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s not like I lied.¡±
Though I had answered his question, my eyes were solely focused on Warren, who was trying to put a stop to an offensive play in a 3v3 basketball match. His opponent, a student who couldn¡¯t have been older than 15, held the ball beneath the shadow of the player before him. Warren¡¯s monstrous six-foot-tall frame made it basically impossible to take a shot over his head, so the younger boy¡¯s eyes were searching for a way around him. However, before he could come up with a play, Warren, as if smelling the indecision wafting from the boy¡¯s body, reached out with lightning reflexes and tipped the ball out of his grip, then dashed past him to collect his prize.
¡°I guess you technically didn¡¯t lie,¡± Lawrence finally said. ¡°But no one would have blamed you if you¡¯d just told it plainly. Actually, I¡¯d go as far as to say that you have no pride as a man for letting him get off scot-free after walking all over you.¡±
¡°So, is that what you wanted? For your friend to be expelled?¡±
Lawrence glanced down at his feet. ¡°Obviously not, but we¡¯re talking about pride here.¡±
¡°Well I¡¯m not, and I didn¡¯t want him to be expelled either. He¡¯s not my friend, but I do feel like I¡¯ve wronged him somehow. No, it¡¯s not just me. All of you, all of his friends have wronged him, and have wronged Gwen too. I think he deserves another chance, and I think you guys deserve a chance at being better friends to the both of them.¡±
Lawrence held his tongue. My words were aggressive, so I¡¯m sure he wanted nothing more than to fire back. But it seemed like my act of saving Ben had prevented him from being too harsh. He eventually sat onto the bench next to me with a sigh.
¡°We put in some good words for you too, by the way. That¡¯s why you¡¯re not suspended right now,¡± he said.
¡°I figured. Thanks.¡±
His pouty expression didn¡¯t seem to ease up over my gratitude. He must not have liked how monotonous I was being. Perhaps he thought I wasn¡¯t genuine? It¡¯s not like I was trying to be this glum about it.
¡°Okay, listen Tris. Can I call you Tris? Here¡¯s the honest to God truth: I don¡¯t want you to think of me as a bad guy. I really am sorry about how things went on Saturday. The bruise on your face is like a reminder of just how much I messed up back then. And yeah, I¡¯m thankful that you went easy on Ben today.¡± He sighed. ¡°Since you¡¯ve given us this second chance, we¡¯re going to use it to be better friends to Ben. He needs help, yeah. I¡¯m not gonna pretend that we didn¡¯t know it, because we did. But you also didn¡¯t deserve what he did to you.¡±
¡°Why didn¡¯t you do anything then?¡± I asked.
¡°He¡¯s scary, man.¡± His voice shook as he said it. ¡°I don¡¯t think anyone wanted to deal with that guy¡¯s tantrums. I mean, he¡¯s nice when he¡¯s chill. He¡¯s a great guy to have in your corner too. But when he¡¯s angry he¡¯s like¡ I dunno. Maybe that¡¯s just an excuse anyway. I guess none of us ever really gave it a serious try. You know, the whole friendship thing. We just let things happen and they slowly got worse and worse, because we¡¯re all secretly hoping that it magically gets better without us having to cause any friction on our own.¡±
¡°I get that.¡±
That¡¯s how most of us handle our relationships, after all. I never approached Zoey, Naomi never tried to fix things with Lance, and Gwen prayed that things would get better with Ben. We all kind of just stand idly by as the river of time continues to carry us down, hoping that it changes its course without us having to lift a finger.
¡°But no more,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°If he can¡¯t handle the criticism, then he can find some new friends. It¡¯s not like I need to appease him for the team¡¯s sake anymore.¡±
Indeed, it wasn¡¯t just about their friend group. The strength of the basketball team was something they¡¯d all built together. Through rigorous training, weeks and months of brainstorming and years of building camaraderie, they had created a powerful team that was the bane of every high school in Georgia. Of course, Law wouldn¡¯t want to risk shattering that beautiful thing they¡¯d spent years on with his criticism. And yet, as if karma were directly answering his indecision, the team was shattered anyway. The Georgia season begins in two weeks, and Ben¡¯s been indefinitely barred from competing with the club, leaving them without their main scorer.
My eyes were once again focused on Warren¡¯s mesmerizing basketball play as the number 22 on his jersey blurred past the other students. I did not have it in me to draw my eyes away from his footwork. It was like a well-choreographed dance, the way his feet feinted movements and allowed him to bob around other students. It wasn¡¯t just his spatial awareness that impressed me. Watching him honestly gave me the impression that he knew the future too. He seemed to be predicting where each opponent was going to be and moving with that knowledge in mind. Was he always this good at basketball? I had never really watched the games before, so I had no idea.
¡°He¡¯s an incredible point guard, you know,¡± Lawrence said, staring at Warren. ¡°No one can get past him, and no one can stop him when he¡¯s on a roll. People talk about Ben a lot because he¡¯s put up a few 60-point games, but the real beating heart of the team is Warren.¡±
¡°Then, shouldn¡¯t you guys be fine without Ben?¡±
¡°Nope. He has a single big weakness. He¡¯s absolutely terrible at scoring points.¡±
As Lawrence said that, Warren¡¯s tall frame sprung back as he threw up an uncontested two-pointer that completely whiffed the basket. The spell his play had cast on me was broken in just one terrible shot.
¡°We¡¯ve been trying to get him to practice, but he said it¡¯s a waste of time. He¡¯d rather just focus on getting the ball onto their side of the court. If he weren¡¯t so damn good at it, he¡¯d be on the bench in no time with that flawed attitude of his. But the truth is, he¡¯s an indispensable part of both our offense and defense. He¡¯s proven himself worthy of being a starter more than ten times over.¡±
The opposing side was running a play towards Warren¡¯s side of the court. It was a quick offense with little room for reaction. Warren¡¯s two other teammates had already backed up to their side of the court, but he stood in the middle as his eyes jerked between the two possible passes that his opponent in the middle could have made. Seeming to have a read, his eyes focusing more on the boy to the right of him. His opponent dribbled once and took a step forward to make the pass towards the exact same student that Warren had been eyeing.
Warren thus reacted and shifted his weight to his right to intercept. What he didn¡¯t seem to anticipate, however, was the possibility that the move was a feint. The boy swerved to his own right, dribbling the ball over from his left to his dominant hand, and shot straight past Warren.
The determination in his eyes was apparent, and he seemed proud of his tricky play. But what he hadn¡¯t realized was that Warren hadn¡¯t actually taken so much as a single step forward. His left hand was stretched forward as the ball switched between the other boy¡¯s hands, sinking into Warren¡¯s large grasp as if it had been magnetized.
¡°Woah,¡± I said without realizing it. To stop the ball in place and grab it required a level of timing, grip strength and reflexes that I could only dream of having. But what¡¯s more impressive was that he trusted his steal so much that he had already shot past all three players and made his way to the basket to dunk the ball in.
¡°He¡¯s good at dunking though.¡± Lawrence smiled.
¡°Dunking¡¯s awesome,¡± I said.
¡°Yeah, but you can¡¯t just dunk when there¡¯s too many people on you. Not that it mattered, since our opponents couldn¡¯t possibly block out both Ben and Warren.¡±
¡°They must have really trusted each other then,¡± I said.
¡°Yeah.¡±
He had so much faith in Ben¡¯s scoring ability that he put all of his time into specializing in reading player habits and perfecting his own movement. All of that faith in Ben¡¯s basketball ability, and yet none in his ability to take feedback. Perhaps Ben had just let him down too many times. The guy was as hard-headed as a bull, so I kind of understood how things could have turned out that way. But maybe now that he¡¯s been humbled by all of this then he¡¯ll be more malleable to criticism. Though with him being barred from the team, it might have been too late for that.
¡°Can I ask you something about Saturday Tris?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°Feel free to.¡±
¡°Do you know what¡¯s up with Gwen?¡±
I blinked. ¡°Weren¡¯t we talking about Ben?¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s kinda related. The thing is, they actually broke up on Saturday.¡±
¡°Oh.¡±
I pretended to be surprised. After everything that happened at ¡®The Cage¡¯, it was expected, but I didn¡¯t realize that she had already done it. Was it when they spoke near his car? Or did she call him after everything was done?
¡°You¡¯re the last person who¡¯s even heard from her since everything happened. All I got was a call that barely lasted five seconds. Penny and Warren haven¡¯t heard a thing since either. And since she hasn¡¯t shown up to school today, we¡¯ve all just¡ been a little worried.¡±
I didn¡¯t know the guy too well, but judging by everything that¡¯s happened between Saturday and what he¡¯s told me so far, he genuinely seems to care about how Gwen is doing. Had he been a little hands-off with Ben¡¯s terrible personality? Absolutely. But that didn¡¯t mean that he meant Gwen any harm.
¡°If I had to guess, she¡¯s probably doing better now than she was two weeks ago,¡± I said.
¡°What does that mean?¡±
¡°It means that time is finally going to start moving for her again.¡±
Lawrence¡¯s expression went from unease and worry to softening into relief in the span of just a few seconds. That¡¯s what I thought. He did care about her. That was the kind of person he had a reputation for being. The Law, fair and kind to all in his judgments. But still, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder about the other half of his reputation. Was he just trying to sneak in now that Ben had finally lost his grip on her? Something inside of me was pushing me forward. A question I¡¯d normally avoid asking so candidly.
And yet...
¡°Do you like her?¡± I asked.
¡°Huh? Like her? Where¡¯d that come from?¡±
¡°You just seem to care about her a lot, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Oh. Well yeah. I do care about her. She¡¯s my friend.¡± He leaned back onto the elevated seat behind us. ¡°Would I fuck her? Absolutely, man. She¡¯s banging hot. But do I LIKE her? Probably not. I don¡¯t really believe in that love stuff.¡±
¡°I believe in it, though,¡± I said.
¡°Some people believe the earth is flat. I say, to each their own.¡±
This wasn¡¯t the first time I¡¯d heard about his agnosticism towards romance. But unlike back then, his denial of love didn¡¯t baffle me. Rather, it sparked my curiosity. There was something there, I realized. How could I not have seen it when he mentioned this before? He¡¯s clearly burying something.
¡°Do you love your parents, Lawrence?¡± I asked.
¡°What? That¡¯s a weird question. I mean, of course I do. But when I say it doesn¡¯t exist I¡¯m talking about it in like, a romantic sense.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think that kind of love is all that different from romantic love.¡±
¡°Woah, that¡¯s creepy.¡±
¡°Is it? Liking someone so much that you¡¯d die for them is love. I don¡¯t think that whether you¡¯d have sex with them or not should preclude you from that.¡±
¡°¡ You sound like someone really annoying right now.¡±
He frowned and turned away. I sounded like someone annoying? Who could he have been referring to, I wonder? His sister, maybe? Is it because of the hack on Sunday?
¡°I mean isn¡¯t that love?¡± I continued. ¡°Like Jesus Christ dying on the cross to absolve humanity of their sins? It might not be romantic, but isn¡¯t that kind of sacrifice the epitome of loving someone else?¡±
¡°This is so creepy¡¡±
Lawrence genuinely looked as if he was about to throw up. I was just testing it, but it seems like I was on the mark. The similarities were too much for him to handle. Indeed. If he felt this way about it, then I really have become Laura Young. Although, I had already gathered as much.
On my bike ride this morning, I did something that might have been a little out of character. Usually, I found spending time with my dad to be kind of a chore. It¡¯s not that I hated him, otherwise I probably wouldn¡¯t do it at all. It¡¯s more-so that I¡¯d rather be doing other things in the morning than riding a bike around. But this morning, I felt an abundance of love swelling inside of me. So much so that it needed to be let out into the world before I exploded.
¡°I¡¯m really glad I get to ride with you every day, Dad.¡±
I didn¡¯t even stop to think about the words coming out of my mouth. They poured out as naturally as a coursing river on a bright summer day. Gushing with gratitude for the ecosystem that had sustained its existence for such a long time. At first, he was so surprised at my outburst that he stood there gaping at me for a few seconds. But just as quickly as I¡¯d said it, his eyes softened, and his pearly whites emerged from their hole. ¡°Thanks son. I¡¯m happy to be here with you too.¡±
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¡°So, what about you?¡±
Lawrence¡¯s words snapped me back to reality.
¡°What about me?¡±
¡°Yeah. Do you like Gwen?¡±
¡°I do, but not romantically.¡± Not that I knew of, anyway.
¡°Not like that? How do you like her then?¡±
¡°I guess we¡¯re pretty similar in a lot of ways. I like her as someone who understands what I¡¯m going through.¡±
¡°Yikes, similar to a girl? Couldn¡¯t be me. Hey, you do you though.¡± Lawrence grinned to himself as if he¡¯d said something clever then thought to himself for a moment. ¡°Then what about Zoey? Do you like her?¡±
¡°Yeah, I do.¡±
For some reason, I answered the question without hesitation. Laura¡¯s personality seemed to have no qualms about being earnest with her feelings.
¡°Oof, double yikes. Yeah, you should probably just give up on that one. That chick is not worth it.¡±
¡°You think so?¡±
¡°Zoey? Nah man. She¡¯s a babe, don¡¯t get me wrong. But there¡¯s some red flags that you need to learn to spot if you¡¯re gonna start looking for girls. She¡¯s never dated anyone at school, for example. Like, for someone with as many opportunities as her, isn¡¯t that kinda weird? At this point I¡¯m convinced that she¡¯s either asexual or into other chicks. I dunno. No straight, healthy teenage girl should be dodging the opposite sex as much as she is. There¡¯s something going on there. Plus¡¡± Lawrence looked as if he was about to say something, but he held his tongue. ¡°Anyway, my point is, you should probably give up and try for someone else.¡±
¡°Yeah, Gwen said the same thing to me.¡±
¡°Well, she might hate Zoey¡¯s guts even more than I do, but yeah. See? If another girl says it, then you should definitely listen. They have a sixth sense for that stuff. Trust me, she¡¯s not worth it.¡±
¡°She also told me to talk to you if I wanted advice on talking to girls.¡± I recalled our conversation from Saturday. Was this really a good idea? She suggested it, so¡
¡°Oh really? She said that? Aw man.¡± Lawrence grinned.
¡°I¡¯m not sure if I¡¯d want to do that though¡¡±
¡°Whaaat? You should, totally. I think with a little wardrobe change you could get your foot in the door with a lot of chicks. You¡¯ve got like a nice little baby-face thing going.¡±
My eyes fell down to my feet.
¡°Yeah, I dunno. I¡¯m just not that interested¡¡±
¡°Really? Are you a virgin? Oh, I¡¯m not trying to be mean. I¡¯m seriously asking if you¡¯ve ever had sex before.¡±
¡°No, I haven¡¯t.¡±
Somehow, I once again felt no shame volunteering that information. Some part of me felt like I¡¯d regret it later, but I was also enjoying the freedom of being open about everything.
¡°Oh, I think you should try it at least once before you graduate. Having sex at school is fucking awesome. And unless you plan on becoming a teacher and banging a co-worker in Principal Harry¡¯s office, then it¡¯s just never gonna happen again.¡±
¡°No, I...¡±
¡°Relax, I¡¯m kidding. But yeah, it¡¯s not a problem. I would be down to help you if Gwen suggested it. In fact, why don¡¯t I show you right now?.¡±
¡°Show me what?¡±
¡°Uh, hmm.¡± His eyes scanned the courtside. There were a few people hanging out on the bleachers that I could see, but other than that, there wasn¡¯t anything particularly exciting going on. ¡°Okay, see those girls behind me? There¡¯s two of them staring down at their phones.¡±
I moved my head to look past him.
¡°Don¡¯t make it too obvious, dude. Just use your eyes.¡±
¡°Right.¡±
Despite my inability to subtly scout his target, neither of them managed to notice me glancing their way despite being only about fifteen feet away. They were both homely girls who didn¡¯t look like they belonged at a basketball game. The girl on the left, with her brown hair twisted into a bun, round glasses hanging onto her nose was, while a little nerdy, quite the attractive face. She wore a casual smile as she sat leaning forward to look at her phone, sitting cross legged in a meditation stance. Her charm may have been how easily approachable she looked with that open and aloof posture of hers.
The other girl, seated to her right, was a little chubbier than the first, but I also found her to be quite attractive. Her legs were folded curtly underneath her red, plaited skirt as she leaned over to stare down into the very same phone. Tucking her short, dyed black hair behind her ear, she let out a soft giggle at whatever it was she was staring down at in her friend¡¯s phone.
¡°Yeah, what about them?¡± I asked, returning my attention to Lawrence.
¡°Well, why don¡¯t you just watch?¡±
With his hands in his pocket, he kicked off the bench and rose to his feet, rolling his neck with a cocksure grin that you¡¯d expect from someone about to nail a free throw. To him, playing basketball and picking up girls may as well be the same thing. He walked over to where the two girls were seated and sat next to the girl in rounded glasses.
¡°Hey, do either of you two know when the school play¡¯s gonna be on?¡±
The two girls looked up from the phone to stare at Lawrence, then turned to each other.
¡°I don¡¯t think so?¡±
¡°Yeah, me neither.¡±
¡°Huh, really? Aren¡¯t you two in the drama club?¡±
¡°Uh, no. We¡¯re in the school band,¡± glasses said.
He rolled his bangs back and gave them a warm smile. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s my bad then. You¡¯re both so beautiful that I could¡¯ve sworn you were actresses.¡±
At his sudden words, the two of them went quiet and stared at each other. Their expressions were blank. Had they not even processed his words? Or were they just at a loss as for what to say to him? Either way, if it were me, holding myself steady in the face of that silence would have been impossible. But Lawrence stood his ground and committed. He was fully leaning into his line; despite the empty space it had left in the conversation.
And suddenly, they both burst out laughing.
¡°Oh my God, who says that? You¡¯re so corny, are you okay?¡± the short haired girl asked.
¡°I¡¯m one hundred percent serious. You¡¯re both gorgeous. You¡¯d run laps around any Hollywood actress I¡¯ve ever seen.¡±
¡°Oh, shut up,¡± glasses said, still smiling. ¡°You¡¯re such a liar. Does that actually work on anyone?¡±
At her probing, Lawrence quickly switched up by leaning back slightly, still grinning. ¡°What, you don¡¯t think I¡¯m being serious?¡±
¡°Of course not, Lawrence. Everyone knows who you are. You¡¯re going to have to try harder than trashy lines like that.¡±
¡°If you¡¯re giving me permission then don¡¯t mind if I do.¡±
¡°Oh my god, just let him try,¡± short hair said, seeming to enjoy the attention. ¡°I think it¡¯d be funny.¡±
¡°Okay, okay,¡± glasses agreed. ¡°Go ahead Lawrence, pick us up then. Make our hearts flutter.¡±
¡°Come on, I¡¯m not trying to pick you guys up. I¡¯m genuinely interested in getting to know you.¡±
¡°Okay, get to know me then. Ask me something.¡±
¡°Sure. What¡¯s your favorite color?¡±
¡°Blue. What¡¯s yours?¡±
¡°Mine?¡± he leaned forward once more. ¡°Mine is the color of your eyes.¡±
Short hair smiled while rolling her eyes, and glasses raised an eyebrow. ¡°So¡ blue?¡±
¡°Well look at that. We have so much in common already.¡±
¡°Yeah, so much,¡± short hair and glasses were giggling at how ridiculous the situation was.
¡°You¡¯re already in love with me, see?¡±
¡°Shut up, no we¡¯re not!¡± short hair said.
¡°Okay, give me your hand then. I¡¯ll read your fortune.¡±
¡°Oh woooow, you¡¯re a fortune-teller too now?¡± she said, extending her hand.
Lawrence accepted it, holding her with both hands and gently drawing lines on her palm with an intensity that seemed like he really was reading something.
¡°Oh, there you are. Goddamn, I was looking all over for you dude.¡± I turned back to the voice and found Lance walking up next to me in a zombie-like state. He might have actually been looking all over for me. I suddenly felt really bad for him. ¡°Why weren¡¯t you answering your phone?¡±
¡°Oh, hey Lance. My phone?¡±
I reached into my pocket and checked my phone. There was no response when pushing the power button.
¡°Guess the battery¡¯s dead.¡±
¡°What? Remember to charge your shit, dude. How do you even function without your phone?¡±
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s my bad.¡±
He sighed then sat next to me.
¡°Man, your face looks like shit. That Ben guy deserves a beating of his own. Let¡¯s jump him when he¡¯s back next week.¡±
¡°I think I¡¯ll pass on that.¡±
Lawrence shrugged, then glanced around the court.
¡°So, what are you up to? Where¡¯s Lawrence?¡±
¡°He¡¯s showing me how to pick girls up.¡±
I turned back to face him and the two girls, and Lance followed my gaze.
¡°One date, Sarah. It¡¯ll be fun. I¡¯ll even bring a friend for Nina.¡±
¡°Is your friend hot?¡± The short-haired girl, who I assumed was Nina, asked immediately.
¡°Why don¡¯t you check him out yourself? He¡¯s the bowl-cut guy over there.¡±
He directed their glances down at Lance and I, and I immediately turned back to face the court so as to not appear to be eavesdropping. Lance didn¡¯t seem to care much though, as he still kept his gaze entirely focused on the three of them.
¡°Hmm, he looks more like your type, Sarah.¡±
¡°Really? But Lawrence said he¡¯s all yours. You should have him.¡±
¡°I dunnoooo, he¡¯s definitely your type though? Don¡¯t you really like weird looking guys like that?¡±
¡°Oh my god, shut up. I do not. You¡¯re the one who has a thing for skinny dudes.¡±
¡°Whaaat? I said lean, not skinny! There¡¯s a difference! Anyway, he¡¯s EASILY, WAY more your type.¡±
Lawrence had set me up to be the star of a high school girl humiliation ceremony. There he was, illustrating just how insignificant of a man I was, as the two of them showed absolutely zero interest in me as a member of the opposite sex. They were both eagerly clamoring over who would be Lawrence¡¯s date rather than mine.
Of course, it only made sense. How was I expected to compete with a handsome, charismatic, athletic specimen of a man like Lawrence? I¡¯m just Tristan. I can¡¯t even talk to the girl that I like without getting my mind twisted into a pretzel.
¡°Tristan, man, why are you letting those ugly dykes just walk all over you like that?¡±
The words ugly and dyke were like gunshots that rang through the gymnasium. Their echo hung in the air and left no room for any other sound to fill the space. It was so sudden that they both stopped talking mid-sentence to look over at him.
¡°Hey, Lance,¡± Lawrence said, smiling impatiently. ¡°Aren¡¯t you being a little rude right now?¡±
¡°Yeah! What the hell!¡± Sarah, the glasses girl said. ¡°What did we do anyway?¡±
¡°What? You started talking shit first, I¡¯m just keeping the same energy,¡± Lance said.
¡°We were not! We didn¡¯t say anything about him!¡±
Well, they technically didn¡¯t, but only an idiot wouldn¡¯t realize what was being implied from the tone of the conversation. They¡¯d essentially insulted me in a backhanded, playful way, and they kept going in a manner that made me feel like my foot was being stepped on by an indifferent jerk.
¡°Then how come neither of you wanted to choose him?¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s because¡ well, I wanted to date Lawrence,¡± Nina said.
¡°Yeah! Me too!¡± Sarah added. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with that? Some people are hotter than others. That¡¯s just how it goes.¡±
¡°Okay, but what if both Tristan and Lawrence wanted to date glasses girl instead of the fat one?¡±
¡°Wha-¡± Nina flinched.
¡°Do not call her fat! What the hell!¡± Sarah picked it up.
¡°I¡¯m just saying, they might prefer glasses because of her body type.¡±
¡°What is wrong with you?!¡± Nina yelled, tears welling up in her eyes.
¡°Let¡¯s go Nina, we don¡¯t need to put up with this little freak.¡±
Sarah wrapped her arm around her friend and guided her out of the stands and the two of them walked off like wounded animals in the direction of the exit. Lance, still leaning back with his legs crossed, let out a scoff as if they weren¡¯t even worth the trouble.
¡°Fucking losers, man. All high school girls should be lobotomized, I swear. Something about having a vagina just turns people into sociopaths.¡±
¡°Lance, man¡¡± Lawrence sighed.
¡°What? If you stood up for him then maybe I wouldn¡¯t have had to put those fuckers in their place.¡±
¡°Her weight, though?¡±
¡°Dude, I don¡¯t give a shit about her weight. She was obviously cute. But if you¡¯re going to talk shit then you¡¯d better be prepared to get shit back. That¡¯s how things work in the real world.¡±
¡°I just¡ never mind.¡± It seemed like Lawrence was learning firsthand the futility of arguing with Lance.
¡°You were really good at that,¡± I said to Lawrence finally, trying to change the subject.
The way he navigated the pressure of being made fun of by two attractive girls and turned it into a fun experience that had them both interested in dating him by the end was impressive. Even I had to acknowledge that. But how was I supposed to emulate a magician¡¯s trick like that?
¡°So, what do you think? Are you interested in learning how to do it?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°Me? I could do that?¡±
¡°I mean, anyone could. What do you think the secret to getting girls to like you is?¡±
I remembered my dad¡¯s words from a few weeks ago. ¡°Being yourself.¡±
¡°Uh, no. That¡¯s probably the worst advice I¡¯ve ever heard. Well, no. I¡¯m sorry. I guess it¡¯s half right. You¡¯re missing about two extra words.¡±
¡°Two words?¡±
¡°Yeah. It¡¯s not being yourself, but being confident in yourself. Girls won¡¯t like you if you¡¯re a chubby Star Wars fan who can¡¯t even stare them in the face, but that chubby Star Wars fan will have way more success if he carries himself with a ton of confidence. So, there you go. Be confident in yourself.¡±
¡°Confidence? That¡¯s it?¡±
¡°Yeah. Girls love a guy that looks comfortable in his own skin. Someone who isn¡¯t up his own ass but can stand up for himself and get stuff done. You don¡¯t have to be that person, but you do need to give off the impression that you are.¡±
What he said did make sense. The things that Gwen found displeasing about me on Saturday compared to at homecoming were all related to my confidence levels. I became unsure of myself after Zoey¡¯s influence wore off, and she sniffed it out in no time at all. Would Zoey really like me if I just became more confident?
¡°There¡¯s this book I read. It¡¯s called ¡®The Secret to Being Admired. It¡¯s by this guy called Jeremy Felix who apparently used to live right here in Deer Valley. Book changed my entire life honestly, it¡¯s like my bible. The book itself is about making friends and being liked by everyone, but you can easily pick chicks up with the wisdom inside of it. I can loan you my copy if you want.¡±
Who knew picking up girls would require more studying? It seems like you can¡¯t escape it no matter how far away from classes you go.
¡°I actually came up with a few tips that I give to every guy who wants to learn how to pick up girls. I could share them with you if you want.¡±
Well, there wasn¡¯t any reason to say no. I was still burned from getting advice from Benjamin, but there was no reason not to hear him out at least. ¡°Sure.¡±
¡°Dude,¡± Lance interrupted. ¡°Are you really going to gloss over them hurting Tristan¡¯s feelings just to teach him how to trick girls into fucking him?¡±
¡°What? They didn¡¯t hurt his¡¡±
¡°Why are you arguing with me? Ask the guy himself whether it¡¯s true or not.¡±
¡°Well...¡± Lawrence scratched the back of his head, seeming to realize that the answer may not be in his favor. ¡°Hey, did they hurt your feelings, Tristan?¡±
¡°Not really.¡±
Lawrence blinked twice, seeming shocked at my denial. ¡°Really? I kinda feel bad about how that went. I¡¯m really sorry if it did.¡±
¡°No, it didn¡¯t.¡±
Maybe two girls my age talking in circles about how unattractive I am compared to other guys my age would have made me feel bad about two weeks ago, but I truly did feel indifferent about it. I¡¯m certain that it was some combination of Laura Young¡¯s influence and the SSRI¡¯s effects, but there really was no problem whatsoever.
¡°Are you being serious?¡±
¡°Well, no one¡¯s a jerk for no reason. I¡¯m sure they have theirs.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°I just mean that, there¡¯s probably some combination of things gnawing at them on the inside that led to them acting like that. Plus, it¡¯s not like they were actually trying to hurt my feelings, right? They were just being honest.¡±
¡°The hell are you on about?¡± This time, it was Lance who spoke up. ¡°So people like those girls get a pass in your book since, what, they have some kind of sad shonen protagonist backstory? Does everyone get to walk all over you if their life is hard enough?¡±
¡°I didn¡¯t say they get a pass. All I said is that it didn¡¯t hurt my feelings.¡±
I was doing a terrible job of explaining how any of this felt. Partially since these feelings were very new to me so I didn¡¯t fully understand them, but also because, while I had inherited those feelings from Laura, I hadn¡¯t inherited her foundational understanding of the world. It¡¯s like checking the back of your math textbook for the answer. Having it and understanding how you got to that conclusion are two entirely different matters.
¡°You¡¯re acting weird again, man,¡± Lance said.
¡°He¡¯s weird? You¡¯re the one starting stuff with girls. For no reason.¡±
¡°Yeah, at least I¡¯m not pulling out the lame manipulator tactics you were bragging about having a while ago just to pick up women. Don¡¯t kid yourself, it¡¯s all pseudo-intellectual garbage. Girls like you because you¡¯re attractive and on the basketball team. Don¡¯t make it more complicated than it is by praising some retarded self-help book.¡±
¡°I won¡¯t deny that it helps.¡± He flicked his bangs as if relishing the compliment. ¡°But that still doesn¡¯t mean that normal people couldn¡¯t pick them up the way I can if they followed the rules of that book. Being admired is an art, you know. And I¡¯ve done this stuff for years, so I think I¡¯ve gotten pretty good at it.¡±
¡°No offense, but I don¡¯t think tricking girls into making out with you is magic or art or whatever else you wanna call it. I think you¡¯re just a weirdo.¡±
¡°You¡¯re the weirdo here. How could you not get it?¡±
¡°Oh no, I get it. You¡¯re a loser who knows that having a woman¡¯s attention is the easiest way to get people to respect you. It¡¯s all you¡¯ve got going for you. Tristan said that those girls have reasons for acting the way that they did, but that¡¯s true for you too. You¡¯re using the validation you get about yourself from all these girls to escape some part of yourself that you hate.¡±
¡°Hah, now who¡¯s spouting pseudo-intellectual garbage? That doesn¡¯t sound like me at all. I have a great life. My grades are good, I¡¯m captain of the basketball team, and I¡¯m bagging hot girls every week. Are you sure you¡¯re not projecting right now?¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m projecting? You¡¯re the one trying desperately to convince me about how great your life is.¡±
Lawrence sighed. ¡°You¡¯re right, I shouldn¡¯t let what you think bother me.¡± He turned to face the court. ¡°Hey, Warren.¡±
His locked hair swaying with every step he took while dribbling the ball, Warren turned back to us and made his way over to the bench. ¡°Yo.¡±
¡°Am I cool?¡±
¡°You¡¯re the coolest, Lawrence.¡±
¡°See? Other people think I¡¯m cool. You¡¯re the weirdo here.¡±
If only I could take a picture of the dumbfounded expression on Lance¡¯s face. Squinting his eyes as if to ascertain whether or not Lawrence was joking.
¡°Are you retarded?¡±
¡°Dude, stop saying that. You can¡¯t say that in the gym,¡± Lawrence said.
¡°Holy fuck, everyone in this school is such a pussy.¡±
¡°Look. The point is, it doesn¡¯t matter what you think about me,¡± Lawrence continued. ¡°You¡¯re just one weirdo that no one cares about. What matters is that everyone else thinks I¡¯m cool. Those girls did, Warren does, Ben does¡¡±
¡°If he respects you then I think he¡¯d have respected you putting your foot down at the mall,¡± I said.
¡°Look man, I get it. So can you stop bringing it up?¡± Lawrence scratched his head. He was clearly down on himself over it. ¡°SPEAKING of which, Naomi also thought I was cool last Saturday.¡±
¡°Oh, did she?¡± Lance glared at him.
¡°Yeah, we were all over each other on Saturday. Just a guy and a girl, chattin¡¯ it up and getting to know each other. I think I left quite the impression on her; wouldn¡¯t you say Warren?¡±
¡°Not really.¡±
¡°Yeah, see- what?¡±
¡°She ignored you the entire time.¡±
¡°T-that was only at the beginning though.¡±
¡°No, it was pretty much the entire time.¡±
¡°I mean, she was paying me some attention.¡±
¡°She was only talking to Tristan.¡±
¡°DUDE, WARREN! Can you LEARN to LIE for once? I¡¯m trying to get under his skin.¡±
¡°Oh. Sorry.¡±
Lance snickered. ¡°Fucking loser.¡±
¡°Whatever. I¡¯m still a cool guy. And she¡¯ll see it soon enough. See, here¡¯s what you need to realize Lance. That Naomi chick is actually really cool. And the longer you leave her out near the shore unattended, the sooner the high tide will come by and wash her away.¡±
¡°And you¡¯re supposed to be the tide?¡±
¡°Why don¡¯t you just wait and see?¡± Lawrence brushed his bangs to the side then began his unhurried stroll to the changing room. Lance, like a ticking time bomb, sat with an expression that did nothing to hide the turbulence inside of him.
¡°Tristan.¡±
¡°Lance.¡±
¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me that he was hitting on her on Saturday?¡±
¡°You and Naomi were fighting so I thought it¡¯d be awkward.¡±
¡°Well yeah, but¡¡± He looked like he wanted to protest, but he immediately gave up. ¡°Whatever, just tell me what happened.¡±
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - IV
The incident at the mall was a clash between a predatory hawk and a helpless squirrel. One that ended with one of us bruised and beaten into a motionless state, and the other was hauled away for the sheer brutality of the attack. What surprised me about that day was how supportive everyone was of me despite how close they were to Ben. It felt like they¡¯d all had just about enough of his behavior. He was suspended eventually today when the police told the school about what happened, so that was the end of that. I¡¯m going to have about a week of school where I don¡¯t need to worry about his aggression for a little while.
As far as how I feel about it, I don¡¯t know. I thought I¡¯d be relieved and jumping for joy over my own freedom from his watchful eyes, but I can¡¯t help but feel kind of sorry for him. When you put everything into perspective, what¡¯s his life been for the past few weeks? He was on top of the world, and now he¡¯s lost it all and was almost expelled.
Was he innocent in any of this? Obviously not. But it¡¯s not like he¡¯s the devil or anything. He had a string of bad luck and his mistakes kept piling up. It¡¯s easy to lose track of right and wrong when you¡¯re in a high-stress situation and just need a break. But in as much as he does need the help, it¡¯s not my place to do it. All I can do is push his friends to give him what he needs.
¡°Do you think he would respond kindly to you in the future, Tristan?¡±
My psychiatrist, Dr. Santana, folded her legs and eyed me intently, scouring my bandaged face for any sign of emotion.
¡°Probably not, but I¡¯ll try to help him anyway. He doesn¡¯t deserve to have his entire life ruined by this stuff.¡±
¡°That¡¯s very altruistic of you. Let¡¯s get back to when you broke the perfume. What did you feel in that moment?¡±
¡°I felt¡ rage.¡±
¡°Rage? Why do you think that is?¡±
¡°I think it¡¯s because I felt sorry for Gwen, and I was angry at Ben for taking advantage of her.¡±
The woman tilted her head and placed her fingers on her cheek, stroking it gently as if I¡¯d said something interesting.
¡°Why did you feel sorry for her?¡±
¡°She was just, pitiful. Doing her best to please the person she¡¯s in love with despite how futile it seemed. I got angry at him for not respecting her feelings. And I got a little angry at her for not standing up for herself.¡±
Dr. Santana sat for a moment in silence, her eyes still fixated on me. I found my eyes wandering around the room, not sure what to say next in the silence.
¡°Tristan, the last time you were here I brought up the topic of the girl by your side at camp. Zoey, right? I asked what your relationship with her was.¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry, I don¡¯t know if I can answer that right now.¡±
¡°I understand. Take as much time as you need. But Tristan, please remember that this only works if you share what you¡¯re holding inside. I can¡¯t help you face those things until you bring them out into the open.¡±
¡°Yeah¡¡±
¡°Take your time with it. Only talk about it when you¡¯re ready. But when you are ready, I¡¯ll be here to listen to you.¡±
¡°Thanks.¡±
Before the session was done, she asked me about the effects of the medication she had prescribed. Outside of my noticeably increased tiredness, I didn¡¯t notice much difference, but she said that it was normal. It¡¯d take a while for them to stabilize my mood. As long as I wasn¡¯t experiencing any sudden negative thoughts then I¡¯d be fine. Once the session was over, I left the room and greeted my mom in the waiting room. She was on her phone playing one of those addictive games that seem to be popular among older people. When she saw me walk out, her head perked up and she immediately stood to meet me.
¡°How¡¯d it go? Did you tell her about the bully?¡±
¡°Yeah, mom. I did.¡±
¡°That¡¯s good. Suspending him was the least they could do! They suspended you when you were just acting out in pain and left a mark on your permanent record for nothing. Honestly, he should¡¯ve been expelled.¡±
¡°Mom, it¡¯s okay. Let¡¯s just go.¡±
¡°You¡¯re right¡¡± she sighed and walked out with me. The autumn chills greeted us with an overly familiar kindness once we¡¯d stepped outside. I was still wearing a pretty light jacket so the cold today was a wakeup call that it might be time to begin dressing heavier. Tomorrow would be the eighth, which meant that the second week of November was already upon us. The eighth also happened to be Gwen¡¯s official birthday.
I thought about how I could make it a special day for her. I wasn¡¯t exactly one of her close friends, but I could do the bare minimum and wish her a happy birthday. But why should I do the bare minimum? I never got her a gift. Well, technically I was going to, but I forewent the whole thing to check up on Naomi. What about my gift? I want to give her a gift too. I want the self-righteous feeling of knowing that she knows that I gave her a gift. What was the point of giving gifts otherwise?
¡°Hey mom, can we make a stop to buy some paints on the way home?¡±
¡°Paints?¡± she asked as she opened the driver¡¯s seat door. ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡±
¡°It¡¯s someone¡¯s birthday tomorrow, and I wanted to paint her something.¡±
¡°Her? Oh Tristan, is it your girlfriend? Zoey was her name, right? No, she said she was in June¡¡±
Why did she remember that? Was Che Guevarra¡¯s birthday really that important to everyone?
¡°Uhm, it¡¯s a friend of hers. We¡¯re working on a card together¡¡±
¡°Oh, in that case it¡¯s fine. I¡¯ll take you there.¡±
It appeared that Laura¡¯s influence was beginning to wear off because I had no issues lying to my mom about that. About two days. The hack itself was about half an hour long, so I didn¡¯t expect it to last quite that long. I¡¯d most likely be myself again at the earliest by midday tomorrow.
¡°She seems like a good girl, that Zoey. Maybe a little hard to read. I suppose that¡¯s why your father had taken such an interest in her. I wasn¡¯t a fan, though. Of him going up and talking to her like that. Kids should be allowed to learn on their own what kind of person makes an ideal partner.¡±
¡°Haha, yeah¡¡±
I had no intention of giving my own opinion on the matter, but I was pretty unnerved at that whole situation. I was glad that she stepped in and got him out of there when she did, especially considering how much Zoey took advantage of the whole thing to toy with me.
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Speaking of Zoey, once I¡¯d charged my phone, I realized that I had a ton of missed calls from my ¡®Captain¡¯. I never did tell her what happened with the Laura hack, so perhaps it was a good time to get back to it.
¡°Hang on mom, I need to make a call.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t take too long, love bird.¡±
I walked away from the car, my face bright red from her assumption, and called her contact. There were about one and a half rings before she picked up.
¡°Tristan, can you hack me tonight?¡±
There was no greetings or any hint of hesitation in her voice. As always, it was straight to business with Zoey Brahm.
Uh, sure. What do you need me to do?¡±
¡°Whatever you want. I just need you to be with me while I sleep.¡±
¡°Okay.¡±
¡°Stay for as long as you can.
¡°Okay. Anything else? Like about Laura?¡±
¡°Laura? Oh, the hack.¡± She went silent, as if she¡¯d completely forgotten about the assignment she¡¯d given me. Was she preoccupied with something else? ¡°How did it feel?¡±
¡°How did it¡? Being Laura?¡±
¡°Yes. How did it feel? What kind of person was she? What did you feel?¡±
¡°I felt¡¡° I paused, searching around for the right phrase. ¡°I felt at peace.¡±
The response hung in the air like a dash of perfume.
¡°Did you feel any guilt?¡± she asked.
¡°Guilt? Um, I don¡¯t know. Probably not¡¡±
¡°Hmm. Well either way, are you free on Saturday?¡±
¡°I should be. Why?¡±
¡°I need you to tag along with me for something. I¡¯ll be picking you up at around 10am.¡±
¡°No problem. Oh, there¡¯s something I need to ask you.¡±
¡°What is it?¡±
I moved the phone to my other ear. ¡°Why¡ did you break Ben and Gwen up?
¡°Did Gwen tell you to ask me about it?¡±
There was no use in hiding it. ¡°Yeah¡¡±
At my response, she only giggled.
¡°Okay, fine. I¡¯ll talk to her about it tomorrow.¡±
And just like that, the line died without warning in typical Zoey fashion. It felt like a business call rather than a call with my girlfriend. Not that she was my girlfriend. That was just a lie she forced onto my parents so they¡¯d accept her more easily. Recently, she¡¯s been hinting at the possibility of it being official, but I did my best to respect her by not pushing to ask about it. After all, a gun does not ask why. A gun does not hesitate. A gun only fires when its trigger is pulled. I was simply doing my part to respect the deal I¡¯d made with Zoey Brahm. I¡¯m still hers, and so, I¡¯d fire myself again tonight for her sake.
---
When I hacked Zoey after going to bed at around 9PM, it was like I had been visiting a stranger¡¯s mind. My previous Zoey hacks were a serene journey. Like I was a traveler canoeing over a calm body of water, gliding gently across the crystal-clear surface unbothered by any potential disturbances. Basking in the cool night air blissfully rather than worrying needlessly as I did in my own body.
But this time was different. This time, I was a sailor navigating a dinky ship during a ravaging typhoon. The seas had been doing everything in their power to wrestle control away from me and my vessel as I did my best to keep it all afloat. It was as if mother nature were throwing herself at me with everything she could muster. I was on the verge of breaking. All to say that Zoey¡¯s mental state was in tatters compared to two weeks ago. One thing that wasn¡¯t different, however, was her tenacity and determination. Despite how rough things seemed, I never truly felt hopeless. I knew that I could beat this typhoon and come out on top. It didn¡¯t matter if I was manning a galley with a capable crew, or a tiny rowboat. I would be victorious in the end. I was certain of it.
After awakening inside of her body once more, I walked over to her clothing cabinet and ruffled through her panty drawer. Since she said I could do whatever I wanted, I figured that she wouldn¡¯t mind a playful act like this one, though I was mostly doing it since it was tradition at this point. Am I a bad person for having no reservations about looking through Zoey¡¯s underwear? I don¡¯t know, but I don¡¯t particularly feel guilty over it. After all, at that moment, it felt more like they were my underwear rather than hers. My body gained no sexual gratification at all from going through these motions. Though, one has to wonder if my real body was. Maybe I had sprouted an erection back in my real body? I wasn¡¯t sure, and quite frankly, the possibility that I did was creeping me out. Was it my own disappointment in myself? Or was it Zoey¡¯s disgust for me? I pray that it was the former.
Well, I shouldn¡¯t beat myself up about it. She did say I could do whatever, after all. What really mattered here was that she told me to stay with her for the night. But still, I wondered why she was so eager to have me hack her tonight despite giving no real instructions? Did she just want to experience it once again? It might have been another experiment with the power.
If I recalled, she had a ton of information on Dream Paralysis written down in a notebook, didn¡¯t she? ¡®The Laws of Dream Paralysis¡¯ is what she called them. I moved to sit at her study desk and found it sitting squarely at the center of her workspace. Sitting there filled me with memories of that unforgettable evening with her. Sharing her body with her consent for the first time, listening to Radiohead together, drinking beer for the first time with her, then sleeping in the same bed¡
And yet, I feel naught but disappointment when I remember that night. After all, it was when I learned that she had no ability to love others. It was the loneliest I had ever felt in my entire life. Zoey was the only thing keeping me going. Her not being able to love me back was like the end of the world. But thanks to Dream Paralysis, she had a reason to be invested in me. I was in love with her, and she was in love with my power. So, isn¡¯t that good enough?
I looked down at the laws she had written out in her book:
- Hacking can only be activated during REM sleep.
- Target selection occurs by visualizing the victim¡¯s face intensely before sleeping.
- The target can rescind control from the hacker once they¡¯re aware of what¡¯s happening. The exception to this is when the target is also experiencing REM sleep, in which case their paralysis will prevent them from doing so.
- The target still has access to senses such as sight, sound, and smell while hacked during REM sleep.
- The hacker¡¯s mind is downstream from the mind of the target. That is, all feelings towards something will be influenced by the body¡¯s original mind rather than the hacker¡¯s, and all commands will be carried out the way the original mind would unless done consciously.
- Since the hacker¡¯s mind is downstream from the target¡¯s, Dream Paralysis is incapable of accessing the target¡¯s memories.
- The hacker¡¯s body is influenced by the target when they return to their own body. Certain physiological and psychological traits may be strongly imprinted into the hacker for 2-4 days depending on the length of time of the hack.
- It is possible to jump from one target to another in the middle of a hack, setting up the possibility for multiple chain hacks.
- It is possible to hack a target passively and take no action while they¡¯re awake. This allows the hacker to essentially spy on other people, while preventing the target from realizing that something is off.
Her understanding of the power had to have been on par with mine if not greater. The hypothesis she came up with, that the hacker¡¯s mind is downstream from the target¡¯s, did precisely describe my experience. There was never a time where I truly felt like I was in control of a body. Even during the target¡¯s REM sleep, it felt as if I was battling against the dormant mind¡¯s effect on the body. Fighting through their own feelings, their habits, their quirks.
As I turned the page while lost in thought, I found a small note attached to the page that must have been added recently.
Dream Paralysis occurring during the target¡¯s REM sleep may help them have a good night¡¯s sleep.
It all clicked suddenly. This wasn¡¯t an experiment; she¡¯s just been having trouble sleeping these past few days. That explained the strange difference I experienced when I hacked her body. She¡¯s just tired. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what it was that had been keeping her up recently. Was it stuff with her mom, school, or something else entirely? Well, regardless of what it is, I suppose it wouldn¡¯t hurt to help rest her body. Perhaps lying down and allowing her muscles to relax would help. Thinking that, I closed the notebook and place it to my(her) left and¡
¡°Oh.¡±
It was a strange sight. If I were in my own body, I would have leapt out of my own skin in surprise. It was something I¡¯d never expected to see in the room of a girl my age. The only reason I even managed to maintain some level of sanity is because Zoey herself seemed completely indifferent to it. Why was it there, though? Why did she have something like that in her room? And¡ was it a coincidence?
I examined the object carefully. It was beautiful, but I couldn¡¯t help but worry about what the implications were. Was she just interested in this sort of thing? Or was it a science project of some kind? This wasn¡¯t here two weeks ago, so is it the reason she¡¯s seemed so tired lately? Whatever it was she had been planning with this, I would simply have to ask her about it the next day. For the time being though, I needed to help her get some rest.
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - V
Hey guys. Deer Valley High basketball player of the year Tristan Collins here. About sixteen hours later, I was once again seated on the bench at the school gym. But why exactly was I seated in the empty gymnasium at the crack of dawn, exactly? It appeared that my sabotaging of Ben at the homecoming game had netted me an in with the team. Its members seemed keenly interested in making my acquaintance, especially after everything that happened on Saturday. At least, that was my rationale as to why Warren and I were at the gym for the second time this week. I didn¡¯t blame them. I had made such a grand name for myself in the sport already that it was hard for anyone to resist trying to recruit me onto their team. My debut will be legendary. I will make my mark on this school¡¯s illustrious basketball history.
Is what I would say, had any of this been about basketball. The truth of it is, Warren had actually called me regarding his issues with Penny. It caught me off guard since I knew nothing about either of them. Why wouldn¡¯t he just ask Lawrence about it? Maybe he wasn¡¯t a big fan of his playboy reputation? Who could say? The guy struck me as someone who was more than a little queer, so there was no use in thinking about it. As for Penny¡ she was just Gwen¡¯s friend who sat next to me in programming class. I didn¡¯t have much to say about her either.
¡°So, what¡¯s wrong exactly?¡± I asked.
¡°She stopped talking to me ever since I mentioned that I¡¯ve been tracking her menstrual cycle.¡±
¡°Uh, why would you do that?¡±
¡°Wait, what¡¯s wrong with tracking someone¡¯s menstrual cycle? I do it with Naomi.¡±
The latter question came from Lance, who had nothing better to do and decided to tag along with me on this adventure.
¡°Dude, Lance¡¡± I said with a sly grin.
¡°What?¡±
¡°Well,¡± Warren said. ¡°I just thought it¡¯d be nice to know when she¡¯s in a bad mood so I can make her feel better. You know, like giving her chocolates and stuff.¡±
¡°Huh, that¡¯s surprisingly thoughtful. I just do it to avoid her because she gets pissed at me whenever she¡¯s PMSing. Recently she¡¯s been on birth control, so I stopped doing that. Oh, don¡¯t tell her I told you guys that by the way.¡±
¡°Birth control stops menstruation?¡± I asked.
¡°Do you know anything Tristan?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not a girl, how am I supposed to know that?¡±
¡°Whatever man. Anyway Warren, that sounds really nice to be honest. Girls like cute shit like that. Why¡¯d she get mad at you?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, I told her I was tracking her and Gwen because I was curious.¡±
¡°You tracked Gwen too?¡± I asked.
¡°Well, only because I happened to overhear them say that they¡¯re blood sisters.¡±
¡°What on earth is a blood sister¡ oh.¡± I was learning a lot about women and their menstrual cycles. ¡°Well either way, why don¡¯t you just tell her why you did it for real?¡±
¡°Wouldn¡¯t she think it¡¯s weird?¡±
¡°Bro,¡± Lance said. ¡°She already thinks you¡¯re weird. At least if you tell her about it, she might think you¡¯re being romantic. Actually, are you into her?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡± He said it with such a straight face that I thought he was joking.
¡°Okay well, go for it. Have a frank conversation with her. Tell her you only wanted to make her feel good on her bad days because you care about her,¡± Lance said.
¡°It¡¯s embarrassing, though.¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. But you want her to like you, don¡¯t you?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
At his affirmation, Lance placed his hand on Warren¡¯s back. ¡°Alright, let¡¯s go find her then.¡±
¡°What? Right now?¡±
¡°Yeah right now. You¡¯re just going to get cold feet again if you think about it for too long. You gotta go for it RIGHT now.¡±
¡°Okay, right now¡¡¯
Warren had been staring at the ground, scratching his hand like a child lost at the mall. He probably hadn¡¯t expected that he¡¯d be forced to confront the girl he liked this early in the morning, but Lance just had a way of forcing people into uncomfortable situations. And Warren¡ I found it incredible that such a talented basketball player could be just as normal and vulnerable as anyone else. No, it wasn¡¯t just basketball. The guy was a monster in every class we¡¯ve been in. He was the only one who could match my answers in American Lit, and he had me beat in the sciences and social studies. But for some reason, when it came to regular social stuff, he was as stunted as a cat. He allowed Lance to bulldoze him in ways that Lawrence and Ben would scoff at.
¡°I don¡¯t know where she is,¡± he finally admitted.
¡°Call her then,¡± Lance said.
¡°She won¡¯t answer. She¡¯s still mad at me.¡±
I don¡¯t know what it was for certain that had suddenly led me down such a strange thought process, but judging by the mental whiplash I had been experiencing, it might have been Zoey¡¯s influence. Because at that junction in time, I came up with a scheme that could wind up being entertaining for all of us.
¡°Oh, could you guys give me a minute?¡± I asked.
Saying that, I walked off and pulled out my phone to call the one person who could help me in this situation.
¡°What do you want?¡± Gwen¡¯s familiar voice said over the line.
¡°What? What¡¯s with all this attitude?¡±
¡°Sorry, what¡¯s up?¡±
I was only joking, but I was surprised to see her back down that easily.
¡°Hey, are you at school today?¡± I asked.
¡°Yeah, I am. Why?¡±
¡°Well, Warren wants to make amends with Penny over something, so I was hoping you knew where she was.¡±
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¡°Uh, huh? Wait, him? Are you two friends now?¡±
¡°Well, kinda. He wanted my advice on this Penny thing, so¡¡±
¡°Uhm, I dunno¡ Hey girls, I need to take this call. I¡¯ll be right back.
The sound of movement came from her end of the phone. I assumed that she was putting distance between herself and her friends so that they couldn¡¯t hear the conversation.
¡°Sorry about that. Did you say Warren and you are hanging out?¡±
¡°Yeah. Is that bad?¡±
¡°Well, Warren is kinda¡¡±
¡°Kinda what?¡±
She went quiet. Did she have some reason to not like Warren? The two of them were friends, weren¡¯t they? He was at her birthday outing too. Or is it because of his relationship with Ben?
¡°Never mind. We¡¯ll talk about it later. Is he asking about the period thing?¡±
¡°You know about it?¡±
¡°Yeah, she told me. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s that big of a deal to be honest, but she was really grossed out by it so I kinda had to take her side on it.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t think it¡¯s weird? Even though he knows your cycle too?¡±
¡°What? Seriously? Ew. What a weirdo.¡±
I laughed. ¡°Well, anyway yeah. Do you think you could help us out?¡±
¡°No way. Why on earth would he¡ wait, I did mention that Penny and I were blood sisters so of course he¡¯d know mine if he knows Penny¡¯s.¡± I thought for sure that the term ¡®blood sisters¡¯ was made up, but here she was saying it out in the open. ¡°Anyway, I¡¯m fine with helping but, where do you think they should meet up? I think they¡¯d probably want to talk about it in private.¡±
¡°Hmmm¡¡± I reached into my pocket and pulled out the keys to the photography club room that Zoey gave me on Friday. ¡°I think I have an idea. Can you drop her off at the PoliSci clubroom?¡±
¡°PoliSci? The one next to the photography club?¡±
¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll send him over right now.¡±
¡°That¡¯s kind of a weird spot. Why there?¡±
¡°Can you trust me?¡±
There was silence on the line. Could she trust me? Well, thanks to our mutual act of terrorism, we kind of had to trust each other, didn¡¯t we? Why was she hesitating so much?
¡°Gwen?¡±
¡°Okay, yeah. I trust you.¡±
¡°Thanks. I¡¯ll send him that way now then.¡±
¡°Yeah, later.¡±
Talking to Gwen on the phone for something so small was refreshing. Everything that happened over the past two weeks might have been terrifying, but I¡¯m grateful for it if for no other reason than the fact that I made a new connection in her. Someone who gets me the way she does is a useful addition to my life. As I returned to Warren and Lance¡¯s side, who had been eyeing me from across the court the entire time, the realization that my high school career was becoming more fun and exciting had suddenly dawned upon me.
¡°Hey, Warren. Can you ask Lawrence for the key to the PoliSci room?¡±
¡°The PoliSci room?¡±
¡°Yeah, I got Penny to agree to meet you there.¡±
¡°Oh, sure.¡± He made his way towards the exit while pulling his phone out, then suddenly stopped and turned back to face me. ¡°How did you know he had those keys?¡±
I almost flinched. ¡°Oh, doesn¡¯t everyone know that? It¡¯s a pretty big rumor.¡±
What a blunder. I was so excited about my plan I had forgotten that I only knew about the clubroom because of Zoey. Thankfully, it seemed like lying came naturally to me due to that girl¡¯s influence. It was in complete contrast to Laura¡¯s influence which had me shooting truths from the hip without hesitation.
¡°Ah, right. It is a pretty big rumor, isn¡¯t it?¡± But thankfully, Warren isn¡¯t the most skillful interrogator I know, so he dropped it quickly. ¡°Sure, I¡¯ll call him.¡±
Having said that, he pulled out his phone and began walking to the exit of the gym.
¡°So what,¡± Lance spoke up. ¡°They¡¯re just gonna speak in private without us now? That sucks. I kinda wanted to see it myself.¡±
¡°Since when were you such a gossip?¡±
¡°Guys are bigger gossips than girls, dude. Everybody knows that.¡±
¡°Who is this everybody, exactly?¡±
¡°Everyone who¡¯s spent any amount of time with guys and girls.¡±
¡°Whatever. Let¡¯s just
.¡±
Lance raised an eyebrow. ¡°Where are we going?¡±
¡°Somewhere that we can be gossips together.¡±
We ended up hanging out a few doors down from the PoliSci club room and hiding around a corner while Warren waited for Penny to show up. Lawrence had already swung by and handed him the key, but he didn¡¯t leave before offering him up some words of encouragement. I assumed that Warren must have filled him in on what he was doing when he asked for the keys. After about five minutes of waiting, Penny and Gwen finally showed up.
¡°Hey, let¡¯s go talk inside.¡±
¡°Whatever.¡±
Penny must have been genuinely upset about the whole thing, because she looked as if she would rather be anywhere else in the world than there. Did Gwen convince her to do it? Or was she genuinely hoping that things would work out somehow here? She must have had a lot that she also wanted to say to him too. But either way, once the two of them went inside, Lance and I made our move.
¡°Gwen!¡± I yelled in my softest imaginable voice.
¡°What? Tristan and¡ the rabbit? Why are you two here?¡±
¡°Why? Obviously so we don¡¯t miss the show. Here, follow me.¡±
I led the two of them into the photography clubroom after unlocking the door. Then, I placed my finger over my lips just as Zoey had the first time I was invited in, then hurried over to the other side of the black curtains.
Lance and Gwen, seeming curious enough, but not wanting to make any noise, decided to quietly follow me. Once we were at the wall, I moved the stool over next to the hole and motioned for Gwen to sit at it.
¡°What?¡± she asked in a whisper.
¡°There¡¯s a hole in the wall. Look.¡±
She raised an eyebrow, then took a seat at the stool after cleaning it down with some wipes and leaned into the hole.
¡°Ohhh¡¡±
¡°Hey, what about me?¡± Lance asked. ¡°Where¡¯s my hole?¡±
¡°We¡¯re going to have to share the other hole.¡±
¡°What? You and me? Sharing a hole? That¡¯s too intimate, man.¡±
¡°Shut up, its big enough for the both of us.¡±
¡°You two are so gross,¡± Gwen whispered.
¡°What¡¯s she talking about, Tristan?¡±
¡°No idea, she¡¯s just being weird. Anyway, it¡¯s here.¡±
The two of us knelt next to the other hole and peeked through it. On the other side, we caught sight of Warren and Penny standing in the middle of the room. Warren was staring at the ground absentmindedly as he always did, but Penny was almost his mirror, Was she doing it out of bashfulness?
¡°You understand, right Warren? About how weird that is? I just, I don¡¯t know, I expect some kind of boundaries. It¡¯s like if you knew my address without me telling you.¡±
¡°Well, I know that too.¡±
¡°What?¡±
Lance covered his mouth to stifle his laughter. I turned to Gwen, who was rubbing her temple like a mother whose first-born son just dropped the baton in a relay race.
¡°Well, Ben dropped us off one by one last year after the big game in June, right? First you, then me, then he dropped Gwen off.¡±
¡°And you memorized my address?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know the exact address, but I remember what the house looked like, so I basically know it.¡±
Penny sighed. ¡°Look, don¡¯t you understand why I¡¯d find this creepy?¡±
¡°Not really.¡±
¡°You don¡¯t?!¡±
¡°No. I¡¯d be happy if you knew something like that about me.¡±
¡°W-well¡¡±
Suddenly it got hot in the photography club. The tension in the room next door was pouring through the holes and smothering us like the steam of a sauna.
¡°But why? Why would you want to know when my period is? That¡¯s just weird!¡±
¡°Because I wanted to make you feel better.¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°You know, I want to give you chocolates or share funny videos when you¡¯re in a bad mood. I¡¯m bad at reading people¡¯s moods. I know that. I can¡¯t tell when someone is happy, sad, angry, jealous, nothing. But knowing when your time is, and knowing how hard that is for you, that¡¯s something that even I can do.¡±
¡°That¡¯s¡¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry Penny,¡± he continued. ¡°I just wanted you to like me.¡±
The eerie silence that followed Warren¡¯s apology was so heavy that I could almost hear their hearts beating right out of their chests. I had to admit, I might have been a little nervous for him after offering him the advice of going through with this whole thing. Gwen, on the other hand, was a mess. She was pulling on her hair with an exasperated expression, most likely just praying for this whole thing to end. Lance, who was right next to me on the other hand, was smiling as if he were only watching a mildly entertaining Netflix drama. Either way, despite the spectator¡¯s views or wishes, they both avoided eye contact with their frantic gazes that danced around the room nervously. And then suddenly, Penny spoke up.
¡°You know I already like you, right?¡±
Gwen gasped, then covered her mouth with both hands.
¡°I don¡¯t know that,¡± Warren said.
¡°Well I do. You don¡¯t need to do weird stuff like that to get me to like you.¡±
¡°Oh. I¡¯m sorry.¡±
She smiled. ¡°But, I did appreciate the chocolates Warren. They always cheered me up.¡±
¡°That¡¯s good. I¡¯m happy.¡±
Penny smiled, then suddenly started blushing. Her face was so red that she turned around to hide it out of embarrassment.
¡°U-uhm, by the way, when I said I like you I actually meant like, as a friend and stuff? You know? Not like, LIKE like you or anything. I mean, not that you¡¯re not worth like liking, I WOULD like like you, you know¡¡±
¡°No, I don¡¯t know.¡±
She turned back around. ¡°Do you wanna make out?¡±
Her face went from shamed to unashamed in a matter of seconds. It¡¯s like she decided to throw it all away thanks to the weird atmosphere in the room.
¡°I don¡¯t know how.¡±
¡°T-that¡¯s okay, I¡¯ll show you¡
First you close your eyes¡ yeah, just like that¡ then you lean forward a bit, slowly¡ yeah¡ and you put your arm around me like that¡ and then¡¡±
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - VI
¡°Oh my god, are they dating now? I need to call her and find out right now. Ugh, no, wait. She¡¯d find it suspicious if I called her right after they left, wouldn¡¯t she? I¡¯ll have to ask her after class. This sucks, I want to know now! Ugh!¡± Gwen was stomping her feet as she sat on the sofa and deliberated.
Sure, we had our suspicions that things would go well. Warren did seem like a nice person, and his motives were certainly as pure as could be expected from a guy his age. But do nice guys ever really get the girl? According to Benjamin, that¡¯s undoubtedly false, but I had just seen it happen with my own two eyes. Luck. That¡¯s all I could call it. He just happened to find the type of girl who was into the type of guy that he is. No, that¡¯s not true. I was just being bitter. He¡¯s tall, has a solid build, is successful in his field, is book smart, and he¡¯s funny, albeit unintentionally. He¡¯s a great catch if you really took a moment to think about it.
¡°Good for him,¡± Lance said, while preparing himself some coffee. Apparently, he¡¯d brought in the instant coffee beans that he said he would last week. The sound of the kettle roaring as it boiled water filled the enclosed room.
¡°You sound awfully indifferent,¡± Gwen said with a frown.
¡°What are you even doing here anyway? You¡¯re the reason Tristan¡¯s face looks like that. Why¡¯d you drag him out just for Ben to humiliate him at the mall?¡±
The bandage had come off today since the swelling had come down, but there were still the remnants of discolored spots checkered on my cheek. I imagined that I wasn¡¯t exactly the prettiest person in the room, which is why Gwen had frozen up when Lance made that comment.
¡°I¡¡±
¡°I¡¯ve forgiven her so it¡¯s fine,¡± I said, putting an end to it.
¡°Well lucky her then,¡± he said. ¡°I probably won¡¯t ever forgive her though. Being manipulated by an ass like Ben doesn¡¯t excuse any of that. At some point you need to realize that you¡¯re your own person.¡±
At his comment, Gwen only sunk into the sofa and sighed. ¡°We all can¡¯t be so lucky that we fall in love with someone nice like Naomi, you know.¡±
Don¡¯t I know it, I thought.
¡°Actually, you can. Just quit picking shitty people to fall in love with.¡±
¡°Yeah, I wonder how Naomi would feel if I told her not to fall for a guy who breaks up with her for no reason then strings her around for two years?¡±
The kettle popped to signal the end of its laboring, and its roars slowly simmered down to a complete stop. Lance didn¡¯t bother turning around to respond to Gwen¡¯s comment. Rather, he waited for the kettle to go silent before pouring the hot water into his mug.
¡°Hey, Gwen,¡± I said.
¡°No, don¡¯t say anything. I want to hear what he has to say for himself. If he¡¯s going to get on his high horse and judge me then he¡¯d better have a good reason for treating my friend like some leftover slice of pizza that he can just take out of the fridge whenever he wants.¡±
She was upset, and understandably so. He had no idea what she went through with Ben, so his offhanded comment must have stung. But for Lance, who never really opened up about any of this stuff, this must not have been a fun situation for him.
¡°Tristan, why did you invite Naomi to the photography club?¡± he asked.
¡°Oh that? That was my idea,¡± Gwen said.
¡°Shut up, I have nothing to say to you.¡±
¡°Oh, you don¡¯t huh?¡± Gwen stood up with a smirk. ¡°Hey Tristan, isn¡¯t it weird that this little rabbit can act this holier than thou about my relationship then take the high road even though he¡¯s treating one of my close friends like garbage?¡±
¡°I couldn¡¯t say,¡± I said. It was tough being caught between a rock and a hard place like that. The truth is, I didn¡¯t actually want to openly pick a side. If we¡¯re talking about where my loyalties lay, then I had to side with Lance over Gwen. The issue here though, was that Gwen did make a fair point. It would make sense for Lance and Naomi to resolve the tension that existed between themselves as soon as possible. They were both my friends, and the fighting they¡¯ve been doing since homecoming has put a strain on all of us.
¡°Well, I think it¡¯s weird.¡± She slumped back onto the sofa and began inspecting her cyan-painted nails. ¡°I broke up with Ben, by the way. After dating him again, I finally realized that he didn¡¯t actually care about me at all anymore. Whatever we had before is gone now. He was just using me as a stopgap to fill the gigantic hole that Zoey left in him. Believe it or not, at some point people learn to realize when their time is being wasted and they move on. Naomi might come to realize that too.¡±
Lance bit his lip. In a rare show of vulnerability, he fought against the urge to retreat. ¡°I¡ I just need a little more time, man.¡±
¡°For what?¡±
¡°I¡¡± he started but held his tongue. It was the first time I¡¯d ever seen him like that.
¡°I guess it doesn¡¯t matter what it is. The problem is you never told her about it. You just naively believed that she¡¯d stay in love with you forever until you got your head sorted out. Well, guess what? A human being isn¡¯t a video game. You can¡¯t just pause them while you deal with other things then come back later like nothing happened. We¡¯re all eighteen, we¡¯re adults now. We have to be like, efficient with what we spend our energy on. And guys who string us along aren¡¯t it.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not stringing her along though, I really do want to...¡±
¡°But she has to know what she¡¯s waiting for, doesn¡¯t she? You can¡¯t just expect her to sit there forever and wait for something that might not ever come.¡±
¡°I can¡¯t tell her what it is. She¡¯ll think less of me for it.¡±
¡°Oh really? Do you wanna practice with me right now?¡±
¡°Practice?¡±
¡°I¡¯ll be Naomi. You just come sit here and tell me why you broke up with me. I¡¯ll pretend that we¡¯re dating and I¡¯ll let you know if I think less of you for it.¡±
¡°What? That¡¯s weird. You¡¯re being weird. Trist.¡± He snapped his fingers. ¡°Tell her she¡¯s being weird. Pronto.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know Lance, I actually think it¡¯s a good idea,¡± I said with a grin.
¡°Dude, what? Come on, I don¡¯t wanna do this.¡±
¡°Why not? I think it could be good for you. You¡¯re not happy with the way things are either, right? Then maybe this could help you get a feel for things, or something.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°Think of it as practice for our club project.¡±
¡°Practice¡¡± He glared at me, while mumbling. My smile was as playful as ever as I goaded him towards the goal. ¡°Oh whatever, fine.¡±
He hesitantly walked over to the sofa, inspecting Gwen, who was seated there with an uncharacteristically warm smile on her face as if inviting him to let his guard down. He sighed, still standing for a moment as if bracing himself, then finally took a seat, placing the coffees on the table.
¡°Okay, are you ready?¡± Gwen asked, looking straight into his eyes.
¡°You¡¯re too close.¡±
¡°It¡¯s okay right? Because I¡¯m Naomi.¡±
¡°You¡¯re not, but I get it. It¡¯s roleplay, right? Whatever. You start.¡±
Gwen took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then let out a huge exhale. With it, I could feel all of the tension and energy she was carrying with her escaping from her body. As if she were taking on the form of a new person.
¡°Hey Lance,¡± she said with a smile that carried not a hint of any negative emotion.
The curve of her eyebrows, the wideness of her eyes, the tug of her lips, they were all so perfectly Naomi that it felt like she had hacked Gwen without me knowing. ¡°Why did you break up with me?¡±
¡°What? You¡¯re just going to ask it like that?¡±
¡°Well, I wanna know,¡± she said, stretching her arms above her head as if she¡¯d just woken up. ¡°I¡¯ve been trying to hang on for a while, but the truth is, my curiosity is killing me inside.¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t be silly.¡± She put her hand on his shoulder. ¡°I love you; you know that. And I know that you love me.¡±
You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author.
Lance¡¯s face turned bright red.
¡°Uh, Gwen¡¡±
¡°Gwen? I¡¯m Naomi. What¡¯re you talking about?¡±
¡°Y-yeah, but¡¡±
The sound of the bell¡¯s ring that signaled the start of the school day interrupted their conversation. It created a huge lull where Lance was deciding whether he should run for the hills or not, and Gwen simply used the opportunity to take a sip of her coffee before placing it back on the table without breaking eye contact.
¡°Oh, so you like Gwen huh? Is that why you broke up with me?¡± Gwen folded her arms and pouted.
¡°No, dude! It¡¯s not like that! It¡¯s just¡¡±
¡°Just what?¡±
His flustered face at being forced to act like Gwen was Naomi was throwing him for a loop. Her acting might have just been at a level he wasn¡¯t prepared for.
¡°Okay, fine. I¡¯ll tell you. But you have to promise not to tell anyone, okay?¡±
Gwen, or rather, Naomi nodded. ¡°I won¡¯t. Lay it all on me.¡±
¡°Okay.¡± He cleared his throat. ¡°You know how my parents got married right away after meeting up in high school?¡±
¡°Sure. What about it?¡±
¡°They moved into a small house in Deer Valley right after the wedding. Moved right into the house that I live in now. Then they got jobs. My dad¡¯s a manager at a construction company and my mom¡¯s a dental assistant. They¡¯ve been working the same jobs for the past twenty years. And every day, when they come home, to the same house after working the same jobs, they take turns cooking the same meals every week. Then when they¡¯re done, they go out onto the porch and stare at the same garden we¡¯ve had since I was a kid, and they have the same conversations they always have. Then when that¡¯s done, they watch shows or movies or whatever on the same TV then they head up to the same bed to sleep at the same time so that they can do it all again the next day.¡±
¡°That sounds nice.¡±
¡°Nice? It¡¯s boring as shit. I¡¯m absolutely scared out of my mind of living a life like that. Listen, okay? I love Naomi, I really do, but I don¡¯t want our lives together to fall into that kind of monotonous routine. I want to live a valuable life. I want to be someone who¡¯s passionate about something. Like music or sports or theater. I don¡¯t want to be someone she¡¯ll get bored of. I want to be the kind of guy you can point to and say, ¡®my boyfriend is the coolest guy in the whole world¡¯, and every day with him is new and fresh and exciting. I want her to brag about me from the first day of our marriage to the five hundredth, ¡®til we¡¯re both in our graves. And to do that, I need to find something that makes me special, something that makes my life valuable before we settle into that kind of boring, monotonous lifestyle. But I can¡¯t find it. I¡¯ve been searching for years, making friends in all sorts of different circles and groups, searching for something that speaks to me, and I can¡¯t find anything that calls to me like it calls to them. I can¡¯t find that thing that makes my life valuable. But I will, I know I will. If she just gives me some more time¡ then maybe¡ Gwen?¡±
I turned over to look at Gwen, and found that she had tears pouring out of her eyes. Did she even realize it? Something about his words had moved her.
¡°Lance¡¡±
¡°U-uh? What?¡±
¡°You¡¯re wrong. Your parents aren¡¯t boring, they¡¯re beautiful¡¡±
¡°Uhh, no? They¡¯re definitely just boring.¡±
¡°No they¡¯re not. Not at all. I¡¯m sure it looks like that to you from the outside. But like, to be able to spend twenty years with someone just doing the same old things every day and to be happy doing that¡ isn¡¯t that what love is?¡±
¡°I mean...¡±
¡°They enjoy one another¡¯s company so much that they could tolerate that kind of mundane routine for twenty years happily. I want that. I want that with you, Lance. I can¡¯t think of anything I¡¯d want more. So what if you¡¯re not Harry Styles or Steph Curry or Timoth¨¦e Chalamet? Who cares if you¡¯re not this incredibly talented and successful guy? You¡¯re Lance Harley. You¡¯re cool and funny and you make every day enjoyable just by being yourself, and you helped me discover who I am deep down too.¡±
¡°But¡ what if we get bored?¡±
¡°If we get bored then we¡¯ll change our sex life up.¡±
¡°Wha-¡± His face turned red.
¡°Besides, no relationship is perfect. As long as we COMMUNICATE, and TELL EACH OTHER WHAT¡¯S GOING ON, then I¡¯m sure that it¡¯ll work out.¡±
She stressed the words that she probably thought Lance needed to hear the most. I thought he¡¯d fight back, but he only looked down at his feet.
¡°I¡ I see¡¡±
I wasn¡¯t sure what was going on, but it felt like Gwen had taken her role as Naomi a little too seriously. Shouldn¡¯t Lance have had this conversation with Naomi? Why was Gwen filling her shoes so eagerly? She really is a natural born actor. And I think in that moment of silence, Gwen came to the realization that she was too deeply immersed into her role and immediately got up and turned away.
¡°A-anyway, did that help you realize it? I don¡¯t think Naomi minds that you¡¯re a worthless, talentless loser.¡±
¡°Oh my God, I forgot you were a complete bitch for like three minutes straight. Fucking Christ.¡±
She turned back to pose with the back of her hand against her cheek. ¡°That just means I might have a future in acting, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°Yeah, right. If you become a famous actor, then I¡¯ll quit Dota.¡±
¡°What¡¯s Dota?¡±
¡°Nevermind. Class is already starting so I¡¯m gonna head out now.¡± Lance picked himself up and walked back to the door.
¡°Think about telling her soon though, please?¡± Gwen pleaded.
¡°I¡¯ll think about it¡¡±
¡°Oh, and rabbit?¡± she said.
¡°What, dude?¡±
¡°I think that that kind of life would be valuable to at least one person.¡±
He didn¡¯t respond. His eyes examined the girl before him, then looked over to me, then he left the room as if running from the specter of his past. That just left Gwen, who was back to inspecting her nails, and myself. Once again, it was just the two of us. It¡¯s been happening like this more and more recently.
¡°You¡¯re really good at acting,¡± I said.
¡°Thanks. I¡¯ll remember you when I¡¯m giving my first Oscar speech. After the academy, my parents, my husband, and my two beautiful kids, a boy and a girl.¡±
¡°You have your whole life planned out, huh?¡±
¡°Well, I did, until Saturday.¡± She put her hand down then sighed. ¡°High school sucks.¡±
The complicated expression on her face said it all. I can¡¯t blame it all on Zoey. After all, Ben did choose to reciprocate her advances rather than stay faithful. But still, I couldn¡¯t help but feel guilty about my feelings for Zoey when confronted with how beaten-up Gwen is over everything.
¡°Did you get in trouble for keying his car?¡±
¡°You know, I don¡¯t actually think he told on me. No one¡¯s come to me about it yet.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s nice.¡±
¡°Yeah¡¡±
She agreed, but her expression had told a different story. I could have been wrong, but it felt like she was disappointed that he hadn¡¯t even granted her enough anger to even warrant telling on her. Whatever the two of them thought about one another, it seemed like what happened on Saturday nuked the remainder of their relationship from orbit. Zoey had left a gigantic hole in Ben, and Ben had left one in her.
¡°Oh,¡± I said, suddenly remembering something I¡¯d prepared for today and reaching into my bag.
¡°What is it?¡±
¡°Here.¡± I pulled out a rolled-up bit of canvas paper. ¡°Happy 18th, Gwen.¡±
¡°Thanks.¡± She smiled and accepted it, then unrolled the paper to examine it. ¡°Oh my God Tristan, did you paint this?¡±
¡°Well, it took a few tries, but¡¡±
I couldn¡¯t think of what to get her no matter how much I tried yesterday. What would be a meaningful gift for her? Drawing back on our experiences together, the only thing I could think of was the painting Ben had given her. I decided to use Gwen¡¯s Instagram as a reference and painted a terrible picture of her. Ben¡¯s painting was a gift she¡¯d treasured for three years, there¡¯s nothing I could come up with that would come even close to something like that. I can¡¯t replace Ben, but maybe I can show her that the world isn¡¯t over now that they¡¯ve broken up.¡±
¡°I won¡¯t say you¡¯re any good at this, but you¡¯re at least better at it than Ben is.¡±
¡°Gee, thanks.¡±
She giggled. ¡°Why me though? Shouldn¡¯t you be painting pictures for Zoey?¡±
¡°As if Zoey would ever want something like this¡¡±
¡°Why do you sound so disappointed, weirdo? You¡¯re the one who¡¯s in love with her.¡±
¡°Uh, well, you¡¯re accepting a gift from a weirdo, so what does that say about you?¡±
¡°Says that maybe I think this one weirdo isn¡¯t so bad as all the other weirdos out there.¡± Her eyes were intently focused on the colors. They were sparkling. ¡°I love it Tristan, thanks.¡±
¡°I¡¯m glad.¡±
¡°You know, if I didn¡¯t know any better, I¡¯d say you were trying to sweeten me up.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think I could ever do something like that,¡± I said.
¡°Because you like Zoey?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
I couldn¡¯t deny the fact that I was still in love with her. Thanks to the hack last night, while there was some turbulence compared to the other times, I still felt relatively calm and stable. But when I¡¯m not influenced by her personality, I feel like I could crumble to dust at any moment. Like my entire sense of self-worth and being is just as fragile as my heart is. Until the medication started working, I still needed my love for Zoey to get through the night. But I think that¡¯s why I enjoy spending time with Gwen so much. She also looks like she¡¯s about to crumble. She might put on a stronger shell than I do, but I¡¯ve felt for myself just how fragile she is beneath all that armor.
¡°By the way, I think I have a good idea for the script. I think it¡¯ll be amazing. I¡¯ll try to get it done by Saturday, so keep your Sunday open for filming.¡±
¡°Really? You don¡¯t have to.¡±
¡°No way, you made this for me so now I kinda have to.¡±
I wanted to refute it, but if she felt like paying me back for it then far be it from me to stop her. Besides, I had no idea what to do about the script anyway. Though,the subject of movies and acting did remind me that there was something I wanted to ask her.
¡°Gwen, why were you crying back there? Was that just pretend?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh¡¡± She brushed her hair nervously. ¡°I uhm, I kinda¡ might have imagined Ben saying that stuff to me. You know, wanting to pursue basketball to make me respect him more. I get that he played so seriously because he loves basketball, but¡¡±
¡°Oh¡¡±
¡°Well, you know, I just¡ I wish he thought about me the way Lance thinks about Naomi. I wish he was doing it even partially because he thought it¡¯d raise my opinion of him. At least then I¡¯d know he even kind of liked me.
¡°But the truth is, I didn¡¯t care that he played basketball. I didn¡¯t care if he ended up in the NBA or not. What was important to me was him being happy with himself. And I guess¡ being with me wasn¡¯t enough for him. So, I don¡¯t know, that story about Lance¡¯s parents touched me. People who can be satisfied just living for each other sounds like the most beautiful existence in the world.¡±
¡°Yeah, that¡¯s how I feel too.¡±
In my case though, I just wish she loved me for me and not for Dream Paralysis. I know that one day, I¡¯ll have to come to terms with the fact that I¡¯m unattractive to her without these powers. But it¡¯s like my mind won¡¯t even allow me to think about it. It¡¯s much more exciting to just bask in the attention that she¡¯s giving me now, however scarce it is.
¡°You know Gwen, you haven¡¯t been swearing at all today.¡±
¡°Oh, I haven¡¯t? I wonder why.¡±
Had she finally begun letting go of it all? Of Zoey, of Ben, of all the turmoil she¡¯d been going through for the past few months?
¡°Well regardless, maybe you should head to class now. You might end up starting again when you find out that you¡¯re marked truant,¡± I said.
¡°Huh? I have a free period right now.¡±
¡°You what?¡±
¡°Wait, were you skipping class because you thought I was skipping too¡?¡±
She grinned, and I covered my face in embarrassment.
¡°Just¡ get out.¡±
¡°Alright alright, see you later Trist.¡±
She got up and waved me off then left through the door. As soon as she did, I finally allowed myself to relax as my body slouched onto the sofa.
¡°Oh, and Tristan?¡±
¡°What? Huh?¡±
She had popped her head in through the door without warning. It had honestly scared the lights out of me, but I did my best to remain calm.
¡°I¡¯m really glad to have a friend like you.¡±
¡°Oh¡ yeah. I like you a lot too, Gwen.¡±
She stared at me for a moment with a warm smile on her face before pulling back and closing the door. Despite the stillness of Zoey¡¯s influence on me, my heart had managed to find a way to flutter. Somehow, there was still so much joy inside of me that I decided I must have been dreaming. Lawrence, Warren, and of course, my sister-in-arms Gwen. I was forming so many new connections that my outlook on the world was slowly beginning to change. But oh, if only I knew how fleeting this happiness was. Because that same day, it all came crumbling down as if it had never existed.
All thanks to the girl of my dreams, Zoey Brahm.
Volume 2 Chapter 4 - VII
After school, we had our first photography club meeting with all five of us. Zoey, Jazmine, Lance, Naomi, and myself. Most of the meeting involved Zoey pumping our brains with basic information on cameras and photography. There was so much to remember that it would have felt like taking another class had she not let us use her own camera to try stuff out.
Today, she introduced us to the three pillars of photography: aperture, shutter speed, and ISO. All three pillars pertain to exposure, which is a fancy word for how the shot is lit, but the secondary effects they have on your composition are all unique.
The aperture stop is a part of a camera¡¯s lens that has control over said exposure, but has the secondary effect of changing a photograph¡¯s sense of depth, creating a neat separation between foreground and background.
Shutter speed, as the name implies, manipulates the camera¡¯s shutter to control how much light gets in by adjusting the length of time said shutter stays open. This has the secondary effect of changing how motion is viewed in the final photograph. For example, a camera with a higher shutter speed setting may capture a fast movement with perfect precision and quality, while one with a slow shutter speed may end up being blurry. The former is better for photography while the latter is better for videography.
ISO setting, according to Zoey, is probably the least utilized of the three, as high ISO creates a lot of noise in photographs that would more than likely look better if added in post. Therefore, most photographers usually just keep this setting low. It is worth noting, however, that it¡¯s okay to mess with it if a little extra lighting is necessary to supplement the other two settings.
¡°Okay, so do we have any questions?¡± Zoey asked, once we¡¯d had our fill of toying with her camera.
¡°Yeah,¡± Naomi said. ¡°Are you sure Lance is a good pick for this club? I don¡¯t think he paid much attention to any of that.¡±
¡°What? Yes, I did,¡± Lance said, picking his nose.
¡°Okay, tell us one thing you learned then.¡±
¡°Well, I think she said something about the shutter speed and videos. That was the only important part for us. Trist¡¯s gonna have to choose a high shutter speed when he¡¯s shooting our movie.¡±
¡°Uh, no? It needs to be lower? Hello? You weren¡¯t even paying attention.¡±
¡°In order to make a movie, you generally want to set the shutter speed to double your framerate,¡± Zoey said, messing with her camera settings. ¡°So if you¡¯re making a film at 25fps, you¡¯d want to set the shutter speed to 1/50. But if you would like to photograph something quick like a horse in motion or a bird soaring through the air, you could try something above 1/1000.¡±
¡°Yeah, idiot,¡± Naomi added, which made Lance pull his beanie over his eyes.
¡°Okay, I feel like you¡¯re being kind of a jerk right now.¡±
¡°I¡¯m being a jerk? Think about how much effort Zoey¡¯s putting in here. How hard is it for you to pay attention? Are you high again or something?¡±
¡°I am not, dude!¡±
¡°God, whatever. I don¡¯t have the time for this.¡± Naomi picked up her backpack and moved past Jaz, who was eyeing the whole interaction with a mildly curious look on her face.
¡°Where are you going?¡± Lance asked.
¡°Hanging out with Lawrence.¡±
¡°Hanging- what? Why?¡±
She stopped to look at him, and I thought I saw an inquisitive rage burning inside her eyes. ¡°What, is there a problem?¡±
Whatever shock might have been present on Lance¡¯s face immediately disappeared as she asked.
¡°Huh? Why would there be? Live your life, dude. Hang out with whoever you want. See if I care.¡±
¡°Then I will.¡±
I could see her still pouting over the whole ordeal as she opened the door and left just as quickly as the argument had started. The room had fallen into an awkward silence with her exit. We¡¯d gone from a normal lesson about photography to a fight between two people who, in my opinion, really shouldn¡¯t have been fighting at all. They clearly loved each other, so why couldn¡¯t Lance just swallow his pride and say what he¡¯d said to Gwen earlier today? Was the timing just that bad? Now Naomi was so done with him that she had decided to take Lawrence¡¯s bait. Was she just accepting his approaches to make Lance jealous? Or had she genuinely moved on? Either way, if Lance didn¡¯t make a move quickly, then who knows how things would go?
¡°Uh, Zoey are we done for today? Because I kinda wanna go check on her,¡± Jaz said.
¡°Sure, you can leave.¡±
¡°Thanks. See ya Tristy, nice hanging out with you like always!¡±
¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll see you around.¡±
I waved at her as she ran off to follow behind Naomi, who had already left the room. This just left Lance, who was rubbing his temple with a distraught expression that I thought didn¡¯t suit him, Zoey, who was shutting the computer down after her lesson was over, and myself.
¡°Trist, man¡ did I mess up somewhere?¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°You know what I mean, dude. Lawrence said it himself. He said the tide would come in and wash her away. It¡¯s only been a day since then and she¡¯s already over there talking to him. I mean fucking¡ how is he so talented?¡±
¡°Well, I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s too late to fix it. You just need to talk to her and be open about what you¡¯re going through.¡±
¡°Yeah but, right now? I mean, if she still likes me then this is some spite-driven revenge flirting game she¡¯s playing right now. That¡¯s just bullshit.¡±
¡°And if she¡¯s genuinely considering it then you¡¯re slowly losing your window to win her back.¡±
¡°Yeah but¡ ah, fuck. Let¡¯s just go crash it. I¡¯m not gonna let that asshole get his way with Naomi.¡±
¡°Sure.¡± I stood up. I had nothing better to do, so maybe stirring stuff up before I headed home might end up being fun.
¡°Actually Tristan, do you mind staying for a little while longer?¡± asked Zoey, who had just walked past us and was about to leave.
¡°Huh?¡± Lance spoke up. ¡°Why?¡±
¡°Well, because I need to talk to him about something important of course.¡± She winked at Lance.
¡°Oh. Ohhhh. Oh, yeah. Okay. You can stay back then Trist, no problemo. I¡¯ll deal with this Lawrence shit myself. Good luck champ, you got this.¡±
¡°Uh, right...¡±
He placed his palm on my shoulder then walked past Zoey through the exit. Truth be told, I had no idea what any of that could have meant. No, I guess I had some ideas. But they were so far-fetched and unrealistic that I had dismissed them entirely. I turned back to Zoey, who looked to be inspecting the room and pondering something.
¡°So¡ what is it?¡±
¡°Do you mind waiting here for a minute? I forgot something in my car.¡±
¡°Uh, sure.¡±
¡°Thanks, I¡¯ll be back in a sec.¡±
She flashed me a smile then slipped out of the room, her long, luscious hair trailing behind as she closed the door behind her. To be able to spend any amount of time with Zoey was like a dream come true for me. To be depended upon by her, however, was the same as being dubbed the king of the universe. My reign will be a kind and just one, so long as my queen remains content.
It was strange, though. When was the last time Zoey had gone without wearing her signature fragrance? Was it because of what happened on Saturday? I hadn¡¯t seen her yesterday, so perhaps she wasn¡¯t wearing it then either? I couldn¡¯t say. It was a bit disappointing, however. The joy I felt whenever that scent caressed my nostrils was a drug.
¡°What are you doing?¡±
The question came from Gwen Diaz, who for some reason was now in the photography club. Zoey¡¯s cool personality prevented me from showing my surprise, however. I simply turned around to greet her as always.
¡°This is my club,¡± I said.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡± She looked like she had something else to say as she closed the door behind her, but ended up holding her tongue.
¡°What are you doing here?¡± I asked.
¡°Huh? That girl just texted me saying she wanted to have a real conversation about everything.¡±
¡°Zoey did?¡±
My stomach turned. I wasn¡¯t sure why, but I was suddenly on edge when I heard those words. It was a premonition. Something that I wouldn¡¯t like was about to happen and I felt it in my bones.
¡°Tristan?¡± she asked.
¡°Huh? What is it?¡±
¡°You look pale¡ are you okay?¡±
Pale? Did I really look that strange? I stared down at my trembling hands. Come to think of it, they were a little paler than usual. Why is that, I wondered. And why was I shivering despite adopting the cool personality of Zoey Brahm?
¡°Am I okay? I¡ I don¡¯t know. I think I need¡¡±
My vision was disoriented. The room was spinning. My heart was beating out of my chest.
¡°Here, take a seat.¡±
Gwen led me to the sofa and we sat down together. I needed to calm down. I needed to draw forth Zoey¡¯s influence. Serene like the surface of lake Irma. My mental image of her essence flowed through me. I am calm. I am calm. I took a deep breath, then expelled the anxious feelings inside of me.
¡°Are you good now?¡±
¡°Yeah, I¡¯m fine.¡±
¡°Were you thinking about death again?¡±
¡°No, it wasn¡¯t death this time. I was scared of¡ something else.¡±
¡°Something else?¡±
I couldn¡¯t admit it to her. The source of my discomfort.
The truth is, I was scared of losing her. I was scared of losing Gwen. She¡¯s the only one who gets me. She¡¯s the only one I can talk to without fear of judgment. She¡¯s the only reason I can wade through this swampy, undetermined path that I¡¯m on with Zoey. This path that I¡¯ve forced myself on because my mind won¡¯t let me take any other path.
¡°I¡¯m kind of jealous of you, Gwen.¡±
¡°Well that came out of nowhere.¡± She smirked. ¡°How come?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know if I could let go of Zoey the way you let go of Ben.¡±
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¡°Oh.¡± She looked down at her shoes. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ve completely let go either, to be honest.¡±
¡°Didn¡¯t you break up with him?¡±
¡°Well, yeah. But, it¡¯s only kind of easy because he¡¯s suspended. I don¡¯t know what I¡¯d do if he came up to me right now and apologized for everything. As much as I hate how he¡¯s treated me, my feelings for him won¡¯t just go away.¡±
¡°But you¡¯re taking steps, right? That¡¯s more than I could ever do. I mean, I think I¡¯d die if I ever gave up on Zoey.¡±
¡°You won¡¯t.¡±
¡°But I feel like I will.¡±
¡°You won¡¯t, I won¡¯t let you.¡±
¡°Gwen?¡±
¡°We need each other, I think. To keep each other honest. You know, so we don¡¯t slide back to those kinds of people. If we feel bad about something, we can just talk to each other and share our feelings. That way, we won¡¯t do anything stupid.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know¡ I really like Zoey.¡±
¡°But think about it, Tristan. Don¡¯t get upset at me, but think about it. Isn¡¯t¡ isn¡¯t she just stringing you along? You said it yourself. You¡¯d rather have sex with her than be a stranger. But are those really the only two options? Can¡¯t you find someone else? Someone who appreciates you as much as you appreciate them, and much more than Zoey ever will?¡±
¡°Yeah but, like who? Zoey¡¯s perfect. Zoey¡¯s¡¡±
The door slammed open, and her familiar auburn hair streamed into the room from behind her. It was a dramatic entrance that didn¡¯t suit the usual cool Zoey who seemed to just be coasting through life. She wanted to become the center of attention. She wanted us to notice her.
¡°Oh hello, you¡¯re here.¡± Her words were aimed at Gwen, who was shooting her a menacing glare.
¡°I guess. I just wanted to hear what you had to say for yourself.¡±
¡°That so?¡±
Zoey reached out into the doorway and pulled what seemed to be a projector cart into the room. The wheeled apparatus was draped in another black curtain, much like the barricade usually is. However, there were two neatly wrapped presents set atop the cart.
¡°Oh.¡± And then, I remembered. The thing I saw when I¡¯d hacked her last night. Was this why she called Gwen over? Was this all just a part of her plan?
My heartbeat quickened.
¡°G-Gwen, I¡ I think you should leave.¡±
¡°What? Why?¡±
¡°I just¡ please. Just go through the door.¡±
¡°But why, Tristan?¡± Zoey asked. ¡°Don¡¯t you think she should see what I got her for her birthday?¡±
¡°The cart¡¯s blocking the way,¡± Gwen added. ¡°I couldn¡¯t leave anyway even if I wanted to.
¡°Tristan, come over here.¡± Zoey closed the door behind her once the cart was inside, completely sealing the exit.
¡°Zoey, please... Just let her leave.¡±
¡°Tristan, I¡¯m not going to ask twice.¡±
I looked over at Gwen, who was wearing a displeased look over how Zoey was conducting herself so far, then made my way over to Zoey¡¯s side.
¡°Give her the first gift. It¡¯s the one on your left.¡±
The first gift. If it¡¯s what I saw last night, then giving it to her would be a terrible idea. I couldn¡¯t follow through.
¡°Zoey, I¡¡±
¡°Do it. You¡¯re mine, remember?¡±
You¡¯re mine. The words were like the password to my body. A type of hack that only Zoey Brahm could perform.
I was no longer Tristan the high school senior. I was Tristan, the gun.
I¡¯m hers.
I¡¯m hers.
I¡¯m hers.
I picked out the first gift, wrapped in purple gift paper that matched the top Gwen had been wearing, and slowly walked over to hand it to her.
Judging by the weight and the shape, it felt like a small bottle with a liquid swishing around inside. it couldn¡¯t have been what I¡¯d seen last night at the very least.
Gwen accepted it hesitantly, then unwrapped it without turning to look at Zoey. Once the tearing and shedding of the paper had concluded, she lifted the bottle up the stared back at Zoey.
¡°Is this supposed to be a joke? Or¡?¡±
¡°No joke, it¡¯s your birthday gift. I figured since you needed a scent of your own, I¡¯d pick something that I thought suited you.¡±
Gwen sprayed her wrist then inhaled.
¡°Not bad¡¡±
I was in close proximity, so the fruity scent had invaded my nostrils as well. I thought that citrus was an interesting choice for Gwen considering her prickly personality, but if Zoey thought it suited her then it wasn¡¯t my place to judge. I made my way back to her to get her second gift, but Zoey stopped me with a wave of her hand.
¡°So, what do you want to know Gwen? This is your one chance to get me to come clean about everything. I¡¯ll answer whatever you want answered, and you can get the closure you¡¯re so desperately seeking.¡±
¡°Really? Just like that?¡±
¡°Just like that,¡± she said, leaning against the door.
I felt a chill run down my spine. The fact that Zoey would even think of doing something like this to Gwen was inhuman. Only a cold-blooded machine could even consider doing this to someone else.
¡°Okay. I know I¡¯m going to regret asking this, but why did you hit on Ben and get him to break up with me?¡±
At the question, Zoey drew a line along the edge of the cart and sighed.
¡°I just got bored of seeing the two of you together.¡±
¡°Bored¡?¡±
¡°I wish there were a better way to express it, but yes. Being forced to look at those extravagant displays of affection every time I¡¯m at a game is just far too much for me. You two overdid it, and you became an eyesore. I ripped you two apart for fun so that I wouldn¡¯t have to suffer anymore.¡±
¡°For fun? Are you being fucking serious right now¡?¡±
¡°One hundred percent. I got tired of looking at you, so I broke you up. What part of that doesn¡¯t logically follow?¡±
She gritted her teeth. ¡°But then, that doesn¡¯t make any sense. Yeah, you weren¡¯t giving him any attention after we broke up, but then why did you ask him out later then?¡±
The why would be because of Dream Paralysis. I was the one who accepted his advances. But could Zoey say that to her?
¡°I just felt like twisting the dagger in some more.¡±
Gwen looked down at the ground, then fell back to the sofa. Her bangs were hung over her eyes, so I couldn¡¯t make out her expression. But one thing was for sure: she was defeated. Zoey Brahm had conquered her mind, body and soul. Destroyed her life on a mere whim, all because Gwen¡¯s happiness just so happened to slightly irk her.
¡°Are you the devil?¡± she asked finally.
¡°Perhaps, but in that case, wouldn¡¯t the fact that Ben never truly came back to you mean that God has also forsaken you?¡±
¡°You fucking bitch¡¡±
¡°Oh, careful. Don¡¯t do anything you¡¯ll regret.¡±
¡°The only thing I regret is not calling you out when I had the chance.¡±
¡°Gwen,¡± I said. ¡°I really think you should leave¡¡±
¡°Shut the fuck up, Tristan!¡±
She yelled at the top of her lungs.
¡°Why can¡¯t you see that she¡¯s just using you?! That fucking bitch doesn¡¯t have anything remotely resembling a heart inside of her, and you¡¯re still clinging to her like, like a lost fucking child hoping she¡¯ll love you. She fucking won¡¯t! She¡¯s a psychotic bitch who doesn¡¯t see any of us as people! No, maybe she does. Maybe she just thinks she¡¯s above us, like she¡¯s some divine fucking being or something. Either way, nothing good can come from taking her side!¡±
I felt slender arms wrap themselves around my abdomen. Zoey¡¯s soft embrace had enveloped me.
¡°Don¡¯t listen to her, Tristan. She will never understand the depth of our relationship. We¡¯ve kept it a secret from everyone else for a reason, right?¡±
I didn¡¯t respond.
¡°What relationship? Why does she like you, Tristan? What do you do for her? Hey Zoey, you said you¡¯d answer everything, right? Then tell me, why are you so obsessed with Tristan? What does he have to offer? Is his family rich? Does he have some kind of weird connections? What the fuck does he do for you? Because I KNOW you don¡¯t love him.¡±
¡°Tristan, she¡¯s denying our relationship. What¡¯re you going to do about it?¡±
I didn¡¯t respond.
¡°Tristan, snap out of it! She doesn¡¯t love you! You said it yourself; she isn¡¯t capable of love! Look, she won¡¯t even say why she¡¯s so attached to you! You can see it, right?!¡±
I didn¡¯t respond.
¡°You¡¯re out of line, Gwen.¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m not. You¡¯re a control freak. What are those holes in the wall back there? Tristan showed them to me, you know. Have you been peeking on Lawrence when he fucks the girls he brings back there? You¡¯re disgusting! What¡¯ll happen if I tell him about that, huh? And then the bet you made on the game. You manipulated Tristan into sabotaging the game because you knew he loved you, right? Oh, and by the way, that wound on your forehead? We know you did it to yourself. Cutting your forehead that cleanly, it must have been a razor blade. You just did it so that Tristan would come over and feel sorry for you. You¡¯re a bully that can¡¯t interact with human beings normally, so you just fuck with their heads until they give you what they want. That¡¯s who you are, Zoey Brahm. I see right through you, and I¡¯m going to expose the fuck out of you the second I get out of there.¡±
¡°Tristan?¡± Zoey said as she let go of me.
¡°U-uhm, yes?¡±
¡°Can you give Gwen her second gift?¡±
¡°I¡¡±
¡°Now.¡±
She could have pushed me lightly and I would have fallen over at that point. It wasn¡¯t just that I was familiar with the nature of anxiety. That¡¯s not what made me hesitant to hand Gwen the jar-shaped gift on the projector cart. No, it was the fact that I cherished her so dearly that made it hurt.
¡°Zoey¡¡±
¡°Just do it Tristan,¡± Gwen said.
¡°Whatever ugly joke she¡¯s playing I¡¯ll just throw it right back in her face.¡±
This isn¡¯t a joke you can throw, I wanted to tell her.
Just leave.
Please.
¡°Tristan.¡±
I turned back to Zoey, and I was met with those eyes.
And once again, I was reminded of my place.
I couldn¡¯t go against her orders.
I am a gun.
A gun does not ask why.
A gun does not hesitate.
A gun only fires when his trigger is pulled.
But am I really just a gun?
Did I really have to go through with this?
¡°Do it.¡±
When she uttered the words, something primal within me had taken over.
It was an urge that was both foreign yet instinctual.
An urge that I would later recognize as Zoey¡¯s own will, which had been left over in my body from the hack last night.
But at the time, I only recognized it as my own decision.
That¡¯s why I found myself nodding at the time.
That¡¯s why I ended up picking the gift up, the one whose weight made it obvious that this was what I¡¯d seen in my dream last night.
It was, for all intents and purposes, a bomb. At least, it would seem like that much once Gwen opened it. But once I had walked over to her, I couldn¡¯t hand it over. I just clutched it tightly to my chest, praying that it wasn¡¯t true.
¡°What the fuck is with all the theatrics? Just give it to me,¡± she said.
Gwen was putting on a strong front, but she was clearly on edge. Her feeble expression was shaking my desire to hand her the gift.
¡°Gwen, I¡¯m only going to ask one more time. Please leave.¡±
¡°What? You keep telling me to leave, but you won¡¯t tell me what¡¯s in the present? Why would I leave when I don¡¯t know?¡±
¡°It¡¯s not that he won¡¯t tell you,¡± Zoey said with a grin. ¡°It¡¯s that he can¡¯t. Because if you knew, you wouldn¡¯t be able to do anything anymore.¡±
¡°What... does that mean?¡±
¡°Well, I think we¡¯ve kept you in suspense for long enough. You know Gwen, since it¡¯s your birthday, I thought about what might make your birthday extra memorable. I thought that telling you about myself and Ben would be enough, but then I thought, no. You deserve way more than that.¡±
She¡¯s a monster, no. Gwen had it right the first time. She¡¯s the antichrist. That¡¯s the only conclusion I could come to. I¡¯ve fallen in love with a devil.
¡°W-well, hurry up and give it me already¡¡±
¡°Sure. Tristan? Would you like to do the honors?¡±
¡°I¡¡±
¡°Just give it, Tristan. I¡¯m fine.¡±
¡°Are you sure?¡±
¡°Yeah. I trust you.¡±
Her words were a dagger to my heart. If she trusts me, then she should just leave right now, I thought. I couldn¡¯t do anything to stop Zoey. Not in this situation, and not with her will weighing me down by this much.
¡°Okay.¡±
Nodding my head, I held my hand out and she snatched the gift from me. Just like before, she tore at the wrapping without stopping to wonder what might have been inside.
The blood-curdling scream that left Gwen¡¯s lips almost stopped me from catching the jar as she dropped it even though I had anticipated it. I hope to God that I never hear anyone scream like that ever again, especially not someone I care for like Gwen.
Before her very eyes and in her very grasp, had been a container of three winged beasts of radiant yellow buzzing about angrily.
¡°W-w-why did you bring bees¡ who told you? Tristan?¡±
¡°It wasn¡¯t me!¡±
¡°I-if it wasn¡¯t you, then¡ Get it out of here¡ Please, get it out¡¡±
¡°Oh, but Gwen, if you¡¯d only listened to Tristan and left when you had the chance, you wouldn¡¯t have had to deal with any of this.¡±
Zoey wrapped her arms around me once more, resting her chin on my shoulder. I could feel her hair caressing my cheek.
¡°Tristan, won¡¯t you do Gwen a favor and open her gift for her? She seems a bit too shy to do it herself.¡±
¡°Tristan, please don¡¯t¡¡±
Gwen had already retreated to the corner of the room where the computer desk was. She had put so much distance between us that it was a wonder that she could hear Zoey at all.
¡°Do you want to know why she didn¡¯t heed your advice, Tristan? Do you want to know the truth? It¡¯s because she doesn¡¯t actually care about you.¡±
¡°What?¡± I turned to Zoey, and found her crimson eyes staring right through me, as if everything about me was being absorbed into her.
¡°She seemed so desperate to explain to you how little value you have as a man to me, but doesn¡¯t that just seem like projection? It¡¯s almost as if she were the one using you.¡±
¡°T-that¡¯s not true, Tristan¡¡±
¡°Oh, but it is. Think about it. What did Gwen try to do the second I told her about what I did to Ben? How did she try to harm me and ease the pain in her heart? Wasn¡¯t it by trying to pull you away from me?¡±
¡°Tristan, don¡¯t listen to her¡¡±
¡°Everything she did with you on Saturday was her attempt at getting revenge on me. She even admitted herself a second ago that she would tell Lawrence about your hand in sabotaging Ben at the homecoming game.¡±
¡°She¡¯s lying¡¡±
¡°I¡¯m not. You can¡¯t worm your way out of this one. We both heard you with our own ears. Face it, Tristan. The truth is, your little friend over there doesn¡¯t actually give a damn about you.¡±
My ears were ringing.
Gwen was saying something.
No, she was screaming.
Tears were rolling down her eyes.
She was desperate to have me listen to her.
Begging me to put a stop to the madness.
Her fear of bees was great.
I¡¯d seen it myself.
And without an epi-pen nearby, with the sweet scent of perfume clinging to her wrist, this entire situation could well lead to her own death.
So, to put her through this would be inhumane of me.
But, if Zoey were right¡
If Gwen were only using me to get revenge on her¡
Then that would mean that all of the warm feelings I¡¯d felt when I was with her were a lie.
¡°Tristan¡¡±
Sound returned to my world, and I found myself staring into Gwen¡¯s eyes.
I had no idea what kind of expression I was making.
But it couldn''t have been good.
Because all of the hope for a peaceful resolution to this situation had left Gwen¡¯s face.
She was completely terrified of what was about to come next.
¡°Do it,¡± Zoey whispered.
Her cool breath tickled my ear.
The sensation of her weak arms around my body felt comforting.
The primal urge of Tristan Collins and the residual influence of Zoey Brahm swirled together inside me like a warm whirlpool of yearning.
I wanted to make her happy.
I wanted to be useful to her.
It made me wonder why I had been hesitating so much all this time.
I should¡¯ve just done it from the beginning.
There was no point in thinking about it.
A gun does not ask questions.
A gun does not hesitate.
A gun only fires when his trigger is pulled.
And yet¡
For Gwen¡
Despite that yearning¡
I found myself hesitating.
¡°You called me a lot of things just now, Gwen. Devil. Psychotic. Control freak. You¡¯re very quick to label me, you know. If I were anyone else, I¡¯d probably be a little hurt. But, from your point of view, I can understand why you¡¯d say those things.¡± She guided my free hand to the jar¡¯s cover, her soft palm caressing mine gently. ¡°But, a bully? Oh Gwen. You sweet thing. I haven¡¯t even begun to show you what bullying looks like.¡±
And as she uttered those words, she lifted her hand and allowed me to make the final move.
But there was no me.
There was only Zoey¡¯s gun.
And as Zoey¡¯s gun, I could only do as she told me and twisted the cover of the jar until it was opened.
With that one single action, a choir of buzzing filled the room.
Volume 2 Chapter 5 - I
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
My voyeuristic tendencies began with my parents¡¯ sex life. Peeking between the slit of the door and into that dark room, I observed as the large man I called my father mounted the delicate flower I once called my mother, and the two of them engaged in something my childish mind had done all sorts of warped gymnastics to make sense of. Almost every night, I would find myself creeping through the halls, my ears readily scanning for the sound of tossing fabrics and muffled moans that served as the green light to look inside. For years of my childhood, night after night, the sights, sounds and smells of my parents¡¯ lively nocturnal activities were the only evidence of what others called love that I had ever witnessed from within that household.
There was no sexual pleasure in it for me. After all, how could a girl of nine or ten even have any real notion of what that is? No, I was just envious. My heart yearned for a loving relationship with them. I wanted to feel loved the way they loved each other. Father was always busy with work, and Carla would only play nice with me whenever he was around. Nothing about my home life convinced me that either of them truly loved me at all. Neither of them was exactly the poster child of emotional vulnerability. They never truly told one another or even me about how much we meant to them. It was a cold atmosphere where positive reinforcement or words of gratitude or appreciation came as often as a blizzard would on a tropical island. That is, with the exception of when the two of them shared their bed.
A part of that made me jealous that I couldn¡¯t experience this thing with them. It was the only time either of them ever conveyed something remotely resembling affection for the other. Perhaps that was why I wanted to be seen that day. Perhaps then I could have been a part of it; been a part of their love.
It was only when I had turned eleven that they caught me watching. It¡¯s about time, I thought. I had been wanting to get caught for the longest time. The intense volume at which they went at it, coupled with the fact that they hadn¡¯t even bothered to close the door shut when they did it on that particular night had led my young mind to naively believe that perhaps they had wanted me to watch them do it. I was being delusional. I convinced myself as much because I hoped that maybe I could be loved too. But Carla¡¯s reaction had dashed all hopes of that.
¡°Hun, Hun stop!¡± she screamed, trying to get dad¡¯s attention. ¡°It¡¯s Zoey! Zoey¡¯s there!¡±
The terror on her face was clear, even in the darkness that blanketed the room. I realized that I had made a grave error by showing myself. My voyeuristic adventures may have just come to an end. My father, however, seemed indifferent to both her pleading and my presence. He kept his body hunched over her and swung his hips as if it was no big deal.
¡°Hun, I said to stop! Please stop it!¡±
¡°Hang on, I¡¯m almost¡¡±
Dad began arching his back out as he always did when he was almost done. That move of his was the calling card of his coital finish. It¡¯s funny, having looked up all sorts of information on sex from browsing the internet, I had only learned through watching dad that it was supposed to be an intensely pleasurable experience. The way he moaned as if he had taken a bite of a delicious steak was evidence enough of that. And today was no different. He let out that familiar masculine groan as he finished inside of my mother. I had witnessed this exact scene so many times, but for some reason that night it had taken on a more sinister air.
¡°Ugh¡ Hun, why¡¡±
She covered her face with one hand out of shame and disappointment.
¡°Let her watch. She¡¯s old enough to know what it is,¡± he said as he rolled over to his back. ¡°Zoey, c¡¯mere.¡±
¡°Zoey, do not fucking come into this room. Wait for me outside.¡±
Carla¡¯s anger was in stark contrast to the aloofness my father had been exhibiting about the situation. My suspicions that he¡¯d wanted me to walk in on them had been growing. But in any case, I decided to wait outside at Carla¡¯s command. The room was dark, but I was used to adjusting my eyes to the darkness before peeking at them. I could see well enough the kinds of faces they were making in that room. And there was no way on earth that I¡¯d leave that room alive if she saw me walking in.
After a few moments, Carla came out of the room and lowered herself to face me.
¡°Why were you looking in at us?¡±
¡°I¡ I heard noises and wanted to see if you were okay. Was dad attacking you?¡±
My face whipped to the side. A burning sensation spread throughout my cheek.
¡°You coy little bitch,¡± she said, pointing a finger in my face. ¡°I thought I told you to stop lying. How long were you watching for?¡±
¡°How long? You mean like, today?¡±
¡°What? What did you just say?¡±
The horror on her face when I¡¯d uttered those words told me everything I needed to know about what I¡¯d done. And even if it hadn¡¯t, it didn¡¯t take long for me to realize how upset she was about it when she grabbed me by my hair and pulled me closer.
¡°Ow!¡±
¡°Listen to me, Zoey. What happened in there? That¡¯s something special just for me and him. Do you get it? It¡¯s our thing. He loves me, not you. So why don¡¯t you be a good girl and just stay the fuck away from that door, hmm?¡±
¡°Owww! I¡¯m sorry! It hurts!¡±
¡°You¡¯re sorry? That¡¯s all you can say?¡± Once she was done yanking my hair, she thrust me to the ground. ¡°You are an unlovable child, Zoey. You don¡¯t make me happy, and you won¡¯t make anyone else happy, certainly not your father. All you do is infect other people with your misery. I don¡¯t even know why you¡¯re so miserable, either. Your life isn¡¯t even hard.¡±
¡°Sorry¡¡±
She opened the door to return to the room, then turned back to me.
¡°Go to bed, child. Go to bed and think about what you¡¯ve done to your parents tonight.¡±
I did think about what I did to them. I have for a very long time now. Because after that night, my parents were no longer intimate with one another. My one action back then had been the final nail in the coffin of their failing marriage and had contributed to the separation and divorce that followed two years later.
---
The bees swarmed the room in search of an exit like rowdy drunks at a bar. They would find no such release, however, as the room was locked and sealed tightly, miles away from their hive. I¡¯m not sure why, but I¡¯ve never been particularly afraid of insects and other small creatures as much as other people my age.
When I was a kid, I would catch and play with all sorts of spiders and worms and cockroaches for fun. They were like my own personal pets whenever I had nothing else to do at home. Bees were a little more difficult to get my hands on, but understanding their attraction to honey and other sweet scents, such as the one Gwen had naively sprayed on her wrist earlier, made it much simpler.
Gwen¡¯s scream might have been loud enough to get past the proofing of the walls, but thankfully the school was mostly empty at around this time, much less on this floor. No one would come to help her now. All she could do was retreat for cover underneath the computer table. Someone should have told her that bees aren¡¯t aggressive unless they feel like their hives, or their lives are threatened. If she doesn¡¯t do anything too drastic, then she should be able to walk out quite easily.
Of course, phobias are rarely rational, especially if she¡¯s had an allergic reaction to a sting before. In any case, scaring her with bees was not the sole purpose of today¡¯s confrontation. They¡¯re merely d¨¦cor I¡¯ve prepared for the purpose of, well, ripening her up for negotiations. After all, one should never negotiate on someone else¡¯s terms.
I flipped through my phone¡¯s gallery and found the pictures I needed, then turned to Tristan, who was standing there like a statue. He also seemed to be relatively unaffected by the buzzing bees that had made themselves at home. Even when they flew past his face or landed in his bright hair, he seemed entirely unaffected. Was it my influence, or was he just that troubled by having done that to Gwen?
¡°You did a good job Tristan,¡± I said to him.
He turned to face me with dead eyes and said nothing, then turned back to the computer desk that Gwen was hiding under. If I had to guess, he was dissociating. Perhaps the situation was so stressful to him that his mind and body had become disconnected. Either way, there was no point in saying anything to him. This was now nothing but a movie, and he had morphed into the viewer whose participation was not a part of the script.
My walk through the buzzing wasn¡¯t exactly pleasant, but the pleasure of having grounded Gwen¡¯s face in the dirt like this made it all worth it. I crouched before the table and smiled at her.
¡°Hello there.¡±
¡°GET AWAY! GET THE FUCK AWAY!!¡±
She kicked at me, but she avoided actually kicking me, possibly because she was afraid her bare legs, unprotected due to her cheerleader outfit, would make a target for the flying creatures. The poor girl was hyperventilating. Was she that terrified of the bees? I almost felt sorry for her. Not that it mattered. I had a mission to execute.
¡°Hey Gwen, I have something I want to show you, and I can¡¯t do that with you kicking around like a child throwing a tantrum.¡±
¡°Fuck off! I¡¯m not going out there!¡±
¡°It¡¯s really important though. I think you¡¯ll want to see it.¡±
¡°Text it to me then, I don¡¯t know!¡±
I didn¡¯t really want her to have a copy of it, but I supposed that it didn¡¯t matter. I opened her contact and texted her phone with the pictures I¡¯d taken on homecoming day. Of course, it was a before and after of the soda switch. I took one frame from her placing her own, drugged drink on the bench, then I took another one of her picking up Ben¡¯s.
¡°What the fuck¡¡±
¡°You poor child. You had no idea, did you?¡±
¡°Did you set me up, Tristan?! Is that it?!¡±
¡°I¡¯ll leave that one to your imagination,¡± I said smiling. ¡°The important thing is what happens next, because I think there¡¯s a certain someone who¡¯d get really upset if they realized what you did.¡±
¡°You fucking bitch¡¡± I reached out to her, and she flung another pathetic kick my way. ¡°Stop that!¡±
¡°Why are you being so violent with your savior? I can get rid of the bees if you¡¯d like, you know.¡±
¡°THEN DO IT!¡±
¡°But there¡¯s something you need to do for me.¡±
¡°What¡ what do you want¡?¡±
¡°I need you to call Warren and tell him that I had nothing to do with you drugging Ben at the game.¡±
¡°No¡¡±
¡°Tell him that you found out about his accusation because I asked you about it, because I was curious. But be convincing. Otherwise, not only will I send these photographs to Ben, but I will drag you out from under there and hold you down for each one of these little mercenaries to paint the floor with your stomach acid.¡±
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¡°What the fuck¡ what the fuck¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s your only way out of this.¡±
Her wide eyes were staring down at the floor. It was hell on earth for her, no doubt about it. Her previous reaction to a single bee back at my house was already a bit much. To be in a situation like this must have been like coming face to face with a pack of hungry wolves.
¡°Fine¡¡± She eventually gave in.
¡°Use your speaker phone when you make the call, please.¡±
She didn¡¯t respond. I imagined that her mind was preoccupied with getting her out of this terrible situation. The sound of the phone¡¯s ringing joined the unsettling sound of the bees buzzing around. It was an auditory reminder that, even while hiding underneath the table, it wasn¡¯t her imagination. That her worst nightmare is real. And also, that she needed to make sure that the call went well.
¡°Hey, Gwen?¡± Warren asked on the other side of the line.
¡°Hey, um¡¡± she gulped. ¡°By any chance, did you tell Zoey that uh, she was the one who told me to do that thing I did at homecoming?¡¯
¡°That thing? You mean with the drinks? Uh, yeah¡ did you want to tell the teachers on her?¡±
¡°NO! Well, that¡¯s uh, that¡¯s the thing Warren. I can¡¯t.¡±
¡°You can¡¯t? Why not?¡±
¡°Because¡ I¡ I k-kinda did it on my own.¡±
¡°You did?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. It was my own idea. She just caught me red-handed, that¡¯s all.¡± She sighed. ¡°I just¡ I really didn¡¯t want Ben dating that bitch, you know? Even if it meant¡¡±
¡°Gwen, you did a terrible thing.¡±
¡°I know, and I¡¯m sorry. I regret it. But please don¡¯t tell Ben. I want to be the one to tell him on my own. Someday¡¡±
¡°Are you sure?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. I¡¯ll be the one to deal with it.¡±
¡°Okay.¡±
¡°Thanks. I¡¯ll see you around?¡±
¡°Yeah, goodbye Gwen.¡±
¡°Bye...¡±
The phone call ended after they gave their somber farewells. I¡¯m sure Warren had no idea what Gwen was going through on the other end of the line. She sat in silence, trying her best to stifle her whimpers.
¡°You¡¯re a good actress Gwen. You should consider Broadway.¡±
¡°Fucking kill yourself, Zoey.¡±
¡°Well, that wasn¡¯t very nice. Maybe I should just leave you here.¡±
¡°NO! Please, anything but that¡ Tristannn! Help me!¡±
¡°He¡¯s not going to help you, Gwen.¡±
¡°Tristan!!!¡±
A Bee had landed on my head then. I felt it resting in my hair, perched calmly compared to its more energetic companions who were still searching for an exit somewhere. Perhaps this single wise bee must have recognized its preordained purpose. Making sure to keep my head still, I placed my flat palm on the top of my head. Patiently, for a few moments, until the bee eventually decided to land on my hand. Anaphylactic shock? I wondered what kind of a sight that would be? In one careful motion, possessed by my curiosity, I carefully moved my hand underneath the table, towards Gwen.
Another terrifying scream. The third one today. Harmonizing with the grating sound of the chair and table screeching against the floor as she violently moved to upend herself from underneath the table. She scuttled out of the right side like a cockroach and made for the corner of the room furthest away from the door. Her entire body was shivering as she hugged her knees, back against the wall, facing the whirlwind of despair that had been unleashed into this small box of a room. There were goosebumps all over her skin, and she had broken out into a cold sweat. It seemed as if I had underestimated just how terrified she was of these things. And why shouldn¡¯t she be? A sting without her kit nearby was almost certain death.
¡°Save me Tristan, please save me please save me please save me¡¡±
Tears rolled down her face as the desperate cries rung out in futility. She didn¡¯t dare utter my name. After all, that would give me too much pleasure and she knew it.
¡°He¡¯s not going to help you. Seventh law of Dream Paralysis and all that.¡±
¡°S-seventh law? Dream¡ what the fuck are you even talking about?¡±
¡°Oh, he didn¡¯t tell you? Guess you two weren¡¯t actually that close after all.¡±
The vitriol in her eyes after I uttered those words almost made me wet with excitement. I didn¡¯t know love, that much was true. But watching her squirm in fear like this was the most pleasurable moment of my life up until that point. That¡¯s it, this is why I enjoy knowing the ins and outs of all these people. Toying with them like this really does make me feel all-powerful.
And if it weren¡¯t for Lawrence, none of this would have been possible. Yes, it¡¯s because of information he provided me with that I was able to charm Ben to the extent that I had. I knew all of his likes, all of his quirks, and everything else. If I told this to Gwen, then her mind would really break. But I couldn¡¯t risk angering Lawrence by letting his secret out. Not at that moment, anyway.
¡°Tristan,¡± I called out to him. ¡°Clear the way so that Gwen can leave.¡±
¡°Where¡ do you want me to move it?¡±
¡°Just park it to your right against the black curtain, there should be space for her to go by.¡±
Tristan nodded and retreated behind the barricade. The sound of the projector cart being rolled to the side filled the room for half a dozen seconds before returning to the dominating bees buzzing around the room.
¡°You¡¯re free to leave now, Gwen.¡±
¡°You¡¯re fucking with me.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not. Look, the bees aren¡¯t even in your path right now.¡±
Sure enough, one of the bees was banging hopelessly against the window at the far end of the photography club. The other two were high up against a wall and couldn¡¯t have possibly made it to Gwen if she dashed through. The problem for Gwen was, however, that her phobia was paralyzing. She couldn¡¯t move.
¡°I thought you said you¡¯d get rid of them...¡±
¡°Oh, that? I lied. Sorry.¡±
I was the furthest thing from sorry and she knew it. In fact, if she weren¡¯t so terrified, I had the distinct feeling that she would lunge at me right that second.
¡°Anyway,¡± I said, moving myself over to the DSLR I had set up for school ID photos. ¡°Now¡¯s your chance before they come back down. The clock is ticking, Gwen.¡±
I pointed the camera over in Gwen¡¯s direction, adjusted the settings for a few seconds, then snapped a beautiful picture of her pathetic self curled in the corner of the room.
¡°Okay, fuck you!¡± she finally lost it and made her move at me. Ignoring the fear of the bees, ignoring the consequences of laying her hands on me. Her face contorted with an ugly anger that besmirched that fallen angel image she worked so hard to create for herself. But ultimately, even that last act was futile, as she was held back by Tristan, who had pinned both of her arms up by scooping them from below.
¡°Let go of me! I¡¯ll fucking kill her!¡±
¡°Don¡¯t, please,¡± he said. ¡°You¡¯ll only give her what she wants.¡±
He was right. Assault in addition to the drugging was grounds for expulsion. Maybe I would get in trouble for the bees, but their presence could be explained away easily compared to what she¡¯s done. After all, trapping and releasing bees just to bully someone sounds borderline insane compared to the excuse that I just happened to leave the window open, and it also contrasts with the image of myself I¡¯ve worked so hard to cultivate at school.
¡°But...¡±
¡°Here,¡± Tristan said. ¡°I¡¯ll guide you to the exit.¡±
¡°You will...?¡±
¡°Yeah, just wear this.¡± He let go of her and ran over to the barricade in the middle of the room, where he lifted the cloth off it, then ran back over to her. ¡°I¡¯ll lead you to the exit, you just need to walk with me. Okay?¡±
¡°Um, yeah. I think I can do that.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s no fun,¡± I pouted.
She glared at me, a trail where her tears had poured still dampening her face. I flashed her a smile in response, and she groaned then put the cloth over her body. She was now entirely covered by that large curtain that had once sectioned off the middle of the room.
¡°Okay,¡± Tristan said. ¡°Can you see me?¡±
¡°Kind of, but not really¡¡±
¡°Okay. Just follow my outline slowly and you should be fine,¡± he said.
It seemed difficult to walk in that thing. The cloth was so lengthy that it was dragging across the ground with each move. It wouldn¡¯t be surprising if she had taken a bad step and fallen over. However, she seemed very conscientious about exactly that, and she took these steps while managing to avoid tripping entirely. The two of them slowly traversed the room, making it all the way to the light.
¡°How are you doing?¡± Tristan asked.
¡°I¡¯m good, I think.¡±
¡°Okay, we¡¯re almost there.¡±
This boring team building exercise was going to undo everything I¡¯d done to tear them apart. It irked me. I made him the villain, and he went and turned himself into the hero again. No, I couldn¡¯t have that.
¡°We¡¯re almost past the worst part¡¡±
As he uttered those words, I walked over and stepped on the rear end of the cloth as it dragged across the ground. The front of the sheet, being held in place by my foot, slowly ascended her body as quickly as she had been moving. It only took about four steps for her to realize what was going on.
¡°Wait, why is¡¡±
Her now visible face turned to me, and I used the opportunity to reach out and remove the curtain from her body. The sight of hope leaving her face as she was suddenly standing, without protection, right below two of those buzzing creatures, had put a wicked smile on my face. I think I must have been drunk. The joy I felt as her mind shut down, watching as the insects slowly descended, attracted by the scent of the citrus perfume she¡¯d applied to her wrist, almost forced a laugh out of me.
The fourth scream was the most enjoyable of them all. After all, only that scream had followed the deranged dance she had done in an attempt to chase them off of her, before she rushed over to the door. The way she desperately fiddled with the knob before finally opening it up was also quite the sight.
¡°Gwen!¡±
Tristan called out to her in a soft voice, almost as if he didn¡¯t want her to hear him. As for whether or not she actually did, she was too panicked to give a response. After fidgeting desperately with the door for a few seconds, she managed to get it open and fled outside. I could vaguely hear her tapping her feet in a dance outside, trying to get what she imagined to be the bees off her body and clothes. They weren¡¯t with her, though. All three bees were still buzzing around the room, just like before.
Whatever the case, she was gone now. I didn¡¯t have to worry about her anymore thanks to the blackmail and her newfound fear of me now that I knew her weakness, and with that call to Warren, he should be off my back too. There are three ways to prevent someone from spilling your secret, and none of those are to build trust with them. Because no matter how much trust you build with someone, they will always screw you over if the opportunity presents itself. The first is to kill them. That¡¯s obvious. Dead men tell no tales, after all. But the repercussions of something like that would be difficult to avoid. The second is to convince everyone that that person is insane. If their sanity is under question, then anything they say will be considered slander or a lie so long as they have no evidence to back it up. And the third, of course, is to make them aware of the fact that spilling your secrets will result in their own demise.
Mutually assured destruction. The US practically wrote the book on the concept during the cold war. If my allies and I are the target of a nuclear strike by an enemy, then they could be sure that I will use everything in my power to level them to the ground with my own arsenal of weapons. It¡¯s not an entirely novel idea, but I think that far too many people avoid openly illustrating their willingness to follow through when dealing with secrets. The idea of trust only invites people to gossip behind your back. If they¡¯re forced to confront the fact that they¡¯d be destroyed if they openly spoke about your private thoughts with others, then they¡¯d think twice about bringing it up over tea with their friends.
¡°Zoey, I¡¡±
I turned to face the oaf who was clearly moping over Gwen. Just what did him and Ben see in that foul-mouthed cheerleader anyhow? Was it charming to watch someone curse the world over every single bad thing that happened to them? To create an entire image of being the most unfortunate girl on the planet who constantly needed rescuing? Was that it?
¡°Tris¡¡± I found myself holding my tongue before I could say his name.
He looked conflicted. Of course, this would be the downside to taking Gwen out of the picture. She had dug his claws so deeply into his mind that getting rid of them forcefully like this was causing friction.
¡°Tristan, would you like to talk outside? Without these things?¡± I said, pointing at the bees flying around.
¡°Oh, right¡¡±
The two of us stepped outside where Gwen was nowhere in sight. The hall itself was, as I had expected, entirely empty. It was getting late, so everyone was more or less heading home from their extra-curricular activities. In fact, we were the strange ones for hanging out here at this hour.
¡°Listen Tristan, I know you¡¯re probably conflicted about what happened in there. I understand that. It couldn¡¯t have been easy for you. But you have to understand that the bond you two had was something she was using to try to get back at me. You heard her yourself, didn¡¯t you?¡±
He didn¡¯t respond. He was just staring absentmindedly at the ground as he had been before she left.
¡°Tristan?¡±
¡°Huh? What is it?¡±
¡°Do you agree with what I just said?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t¡ I mean, didn¡¯t you start it? With Ben? She wouldn¡¯t have been, I mean¡¡±
I sighed. ¡°Okay, fine. I started it. She has every right to resent me.¡±
Having uttered those words, I slumped against the wall and sat on the floor.
¡°I¡¯m broken, Trist. You¡¯ve felt it firsthand. I can¡¯t experience love. Not normally, anyway. That¡¯s why seeing those two all the time¡ it stirred something up inside of me.¡±
¡°Something?¡±
¡°I hated it. It irritated me to no end. Of course I want to love the way she did. I wondered why her eyes twinkled the way they did every time she looked at Ben. Why she smiled so brightly whenever he looked at her. I didn¡¯t get it, I still don¡¯t get it after trying to get sweet with him. None of it made any sense. Am I the bad guy for trying to explore any of that just because I¡¯m broken?¡±
¡°Zoey¡¡±
¡°It doesn¡¯t matter anyway. Even if I regret it, it doesn¡¯t change what I did. But Tristan, I will never apologize for hurting someone who tries to tear us apart.¡±
I looked up at him with determination in my face. Indeed. If anyone tries to rip this power from me, I¡¯ll burn them to the ground. This is the only good thing that¡¯s ever happened to me, and I will do everything I can to keep it by my side.
¡°Zoey, I just¡ I don¡¯t know if this is what I want. You¡¯ve been so distant since homecoming that I¡¡±
Before he can say another word, I reached for his arm and pulled him in, and pressed my lips into his.
¡°Mm-¡°
His body froze up. I could feel his body heat up as his breath splashed over my face. The cracked lips I felt against mine were almost laughably pitiful compared to Laura¡¯s. I pulled myself away. I stared into his face. His entirely bewildered, reddened face made me sick, but I swallowed my hatred and offered up my usual grin.
¡°Smile, Tristan. You¡¯re the first boy to ever taste these lips of mine.¡±
¡°Zoey¡¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know if it¡¯ll work,¡± I said, letting go of his arm. ¡°But I want to try dating you. Not secretly, either. We¡¯ll tell the entire school that Tristan Collins is going out with Zoey Brahm. We¡¯ll sit together at lunch, we¡¯ll study world history together, we¡¯ll go out for ice cream on the weekend, and we¡¯ll do the exciting things that boys and girls do together.¡±
When I said the last part, his face somehow became even redder.
¡°D-do you mean it?¡±
¡°Of course I do. Remember that thing I mentioned yesterday about going out on Saturday?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah.¡±
¡°That was a date, dummy. I was asking you out.¡±
¡°Oh...¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s more of a double date. But it doesn¡¯t change the fact that I had you in mind for it.¡±
¡°I¡ see¡¡±
He would need some more convincing, it seemed. This prospect would have made him happy last week, and yet the mental turmoil was clear as day on his face. But at the very least, dangling this carrot in front of him would keep him from running off a cliff.
¡°I get that this whole thing¡¯s bothering you, so I¡¯ll let you sleep on it. Just get home and think about it, okay?¡±
¡°O¡ okay.¡±
¡°You¡¯re my property, Tristan. Don¡¯t you ever forget that.¡±
¡°I¡¯m¡ yours.¡±
I couldn¡¯t tell if my words were influencing him. I could only hope that his mind was slowly creeping away from Gwen, who was probably traumatized and hurt by his massive betrayal earlier. I might have had my doubts about the simplicity of this tactic, but he¡¯s an idiot. A creepy, useful idiot. He is serving his purpose, and now Warren and Gwen were out of the picture. All that was left was getting Lawrence Young off my back this weekend. Then, with Tristan at my side, becoming God might not be just a fantasy of mine after all.
Volume 2 Chapter 5 - II
My dream had become a waking nightmare. My footsteps were at a crawl as I traversed the empty halls of Deer Valley High. It took me ages just to find the motivation to climb down the stairs. Why is it that, when everything goes so wrong, I can¡¯t seem to feel anything except that intense discomfort? It was a pain so great that not even Zoey¡¯s influence could curb the suffering I felt inside of me. Just slowly eating away at me as I could do nothing but wonder if I deserved it all. If, at some point in my life, I had wronged someone and called all these unfortunate things onto myself. No, it wasn¡¯t ¡®all of these things¡¯. It was just one. Why did I have to fall in love with Zoey Brahm?
Even at that moment, those little parts of her that I¡¯d grown attached to inspired something within me. From her confident demeanor to that dazzling smile of hers, or the way that cinnamon scent follows her everywhere she goes. Why did I have to fall in love with her of all people? Why was it her? If it were anyone else, if it were Gwen or Naomi or Jaz, then perhaps things wouldn¡¯t have gotten so messed up.
When I arrived at the hallway leading to the school¡¯s exit, I ran into an unexpected duo having a conversation that didn¡¯t seem to be all that friendly. Of course it wasn¡¯t. They hadn¡¯t gotten along since I returned from my suspension.
¡°Maybe she deserves a chance to explore her options instead of clinging to a narcissist like you of all people.¡±
¡°Lawrence? An option? Yeah, right. You¡¯d have to be huffing on some premium grade to believe that.¡±
Jazmine Lee and Lance Harley were having an exciting back and forth concerning what I assumed to be Naomi¡¯s newfound friendship with Lawrence. To be honest, I was completely drained on this topic after what had happened earlier. I didn¡¯t want to be a part of it, and I wish they wouldn¡¯t make such a big deal out of what was such a simple problem compared to what I had just experienced. As I walked towards them, Jazmine was the first to notice me. She turned to me with a wide grin and waved my way.
¡°Tristy!! Yooo!¡±
¡°Oh hey, Trist¡¡±
Lance¡¯s eyes grew dark when he saw me. I couldn¡¯t have had a lively expression.
¡°Hey,¡± I said, walking past them.
I didn¡¯t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted to get out of there and be alone for a little while.
¡°How¡¯d it go?¡± Lance asked, following behind me. ¡°You know, with you-know-who?¡±
I could tell that he was being subtle about it for my sake. Jaz had no idea that the two of us had stayed back in the club room, so he was probably trying to keep it secret for me. But I was long past the point of the cutesy high school romance phase of my feelings for her.
¡°Oh, yeah. We¡¯re dating now.¡±
¡°What?! You and Zoey are dating?!¡±
¡°Huh? Really?¡± Jazmine suddenly spoke up.
¡°It¡¯s not a big deal, guys¡¡±
¡°Not a big deal? Are you kidding me?¡± She ran over to get in front of me. ¡°Do you know how many guys have hit on her just to get turned away? So many persistent, good-looking guys too!¡±
¡°Leave him alone, he¡¯s probably dealing with his own feelings about it.¡±
¡°Why are you always picking a fight? He LIKES her, he should be allowed to feel happy about it.¡±
¡°Well?¡± Lance asked. ¡°Do you still like her?¡±
¡°I¡¡± My gaze dropped to the ground. Like her? I do, obviously. That kiss from earlier was everything I¡¯d ever wanted. I had no idea that lips were as soft or as smooth as that. Or perhaps that¡¯s just what hers felt like? But I was conflicted about it all the same. Who is the Zoey that I like? Is it the girl who stayed by my side at the campsite? Is it the one in my dreams that comforted me through my fear of death? The girl I looked at from afar for the past three years? Or is it the Zoey I got to know? The power-hungry, manipulative girl who uses every dirty trick in the book to get what she wants? The one with a smile so dazzling that she could convince me to betray the only real friend I¡¯ve made since Lance?
¡°Trist?¡± Lance called out.
Jazmine leaned in to inspect my face. Having her move in that close ordinarily would have put me on the spot, but I just couldn¡¯t be bothered today.
¡°Man, he¡¯s out of it,¡± she said. ¡°Do you wanna get some fresh air, Tristy?¡±
¡°Uh, yeah¡ sure¡±
She placed her hand on my back and the three of us left the building. Outside, we were greeted with the dyed orange sky. Despite being 6:30pm, the setting back of the clocks for daylight savings last Sunday meant that we¡¯d be getting less sunshine later into the day. It was an unfortunate consequence of the system. I hadn¡¯t minded it all that much since I never participated in any after school activities before, but I was starting to feel it now that I needed to get home much later than usual.
¡°Hey, do you have a car, Lance? Let¡¯s get him to sit down.¡±
¡°Yeah, I do.¡±
The two of them were being far too considerate of someone like me. After what I had done earlier, I deserved far worse than this. If Zoey so much as asked, I would probably betray them the way I betrayed Gwen, so what¡¯s the point in even garnering their sympathy? But I couldn¡¯t say no to them. To deny them the opportunity to comfort me would just make them feel even worse. There¡¯s no winning when you¡¯re an asshole. No matter what I do, I¡¯ll always be in the wrong.
¡°Trist?¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
Lance called my name again. When I snapped out of my daze, I was sitting in the back seat of his SUV next to Jaz as he looked back at me from the driver¡¯s seat. I didn¡¯t remember anything after leaving the building.
¡°Do you uh, wanna talk about it?¡±
¡°Jesus Christ Lance, does your car have to stink of weed like this?¡± Jaz asked.
¡°Yikes, sorry,¡± he said, reaching over to his air freshener and spraying it down. ¡°I¡¯d open the windows but it¡¯s freezing out there.¡±
¡°Just roll it down, who cares?¡±
¡°What, and you don¡¯t smoke?¡±
¡°What does that have to do with your car smelling like shit?¡±
¡°Oh fuck off, can we get back to Tristan?¡±
¡°This IS about Tristan. We were supposed to be getting him fresh air, remember?¡±
¡°Whatever man,¡± he said, lowering the window. ¡°Tristan, are you feeling okay?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°Are you sure?¡± Jaz asked. ¡°Are all the empty McDonalds bags Lance has scattered all over the seats and floor upsetting you?¡±
¡°Dude, give me a break. You don¡¯t have to be in my car if it pisses you off this much.¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m not pissed. I¡¯m just making observations.¡± As she said this, she looked over at me and stroked the top of my head. It was comforting. I always feel at ease around Jazmine. She has this aura that she just genuinely enjoys my company. A part of me wonders if it came naturally or if she had to work hard to become someone like that. If it¡¯s the latter, then maybe there¡¯s hope for me.
¡°Don¡¯t¡¡± I brushed her hand away.
¡°Tristy?¡±
¡°Sorry, I¡ I don¡¯t¡¡± deserve your sympathy. That¡¯s what I wanted to say, but the words got stuck in my throat. Those words sounded so pathetically self-aggrandizing that it felt embarrassing to even say it.
¡°Tristan, tell us what happened,¡± Lance said. He looked serious. ¡°If Zoey¡¯s going out with you now, then why do you look so hurt?¡±
Hurt. I looked hurt.
¡°I¡ I can¡¯t. I just need to forget about it.¡±
¡°Welp,¡± Lance said, turning around to start his car.
¡°What are you doing?¡±
¡°What do you mean? We¡¯ve gotta forget about it. Let¡¯s go do something downtown.¡±
¡°Seriously?¡±
¡°Why not? What, do you have plans or something?¡±
¡°Well, no, but¡ can you at least swing by the front and get my bike?¡±
¡°Bike? You ride a bike to school? Are you European or something?¡±
¡°I¡¯m black. What part of me looks European to you, exactly?¡±
¡°Uh, I watched the world cup kitten. I think I know my Europeans.¡±
¡°Tristy, I think your friend might be an irredeemable loser.¡±
¡°Are you calling me racist?¡± he asked, starting the car at last. ¡°I¡¯m not racist, dude. My ex-girlfriend is black.¡±
¡°O Heavenly Father above, please grant me the patience to deal with Your child.¡±
Lance drove by the front of the parking lot and allowed her to step out and pick her bike up. He also stepped outside to help her pack it in the back. When they left me alone, my mind wandered back to Gwen. I wondered if she hated me for it. Obviously, she despised Zoey for concocting a plan that almost got her killed, but just how much longer could she tolerate me by telling herself that she would do the same if she were in my shoes? Would we ever speak again as friends? I wanted to call her and apologize and tell her that everything was a mistake. That I¡¯d cut Zoey off and do anything just to be her friend again. That I realized that, maybe a genuine connection with her is worth more than some superficial relationship with the most popular girl at school. Because honestly, the fact that I felt nothing when she said that she¡¯d go out with me is terrifying. It hurt to lose Gwen more than it felt good to be dating Zoey.
¡°I¡¯m getting out,¡± Jaz said.
When I came to, we were already downtown. The car was cruising around the block in search of some location to stop at.
¡°What do you mean you¡¯re getting out?¡± Lance asked.
¡°I can¡¯t be in your terrible weed car filled with empty cups and fast-food bags for any longer when you¡¯re also such an irredeemable person.¡±
Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.
¡°Stop calling me irredeemable, dude. I¡¯m not irredeemable.¡±
¡°You just made fun of that guy in the wheelchair!¡±
¡°What? He would¡¯ve found it funny. He looks like a stand-up guy.¡±
¡°Let me out of the car.¡±
¡°Jaz, wait,¡± I said. I wasn¡¯t entirely sure why there were so many gaps in my memory, but I could tell that I needed to step in. ¡°Lance, you should apologize.¡±
¡°What? Why? It¡¯s just a joke. I don¡¯t actually have a problem with anyone. Besides, she started it.¡±
¡°What? When did I start it?¡±
¡°When we started hanging out. You made a joke about Trist liking black girls.¡±
¡°Yeah, so?¡±
¡°So, that was edgy! It was funny! I thought, ¡®damn this chick can roll in the mud.¡¯ Of course I¡¯d wanna follow suit.¡±
¡°No, Lance. Just¡¡± she sighed. ¡°I¡¯m not going to laugh at those jokes with someone when I don¡¯t feel comfortable with them yet.¡±
¡°Okayyy, so how do I make you comfortable with me?¡±
¡°I dunno, show me that you¡¯re not¡ you know. Irredeemable.¡±
¡°But I¡¯m not.¡±
¡°Yeah, but¡¡± She pinched her nose. ¡°Okay, what if I called you a piece of shit and told you to go kill yourself? You know, as a joke. And however you feel about that, compare it to how you¡¯d feel if Tristy did it.¡±
¡°A little up there on the edge scale buddy, but sure. I see your point.¡±
¡°See? I just need to trust you. Like, that world cup joke? I¡¯m not gonna lie, in retrospect, kinda funny. But I don¡¯t know you like that so it kinda just came off as really weird.¡±
¡°Okay, yeah. I get it. So I should start off with safe edge and build your trust up before calling people retards. Got it.¡±
¡°Or you could just, you know, not do that one.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°Saying a slur isn¡¯t an edgy joke. It¡¯s just edgy.¡±
¡°Yeah, but...¡±
If I even made up with Gwen after that, what would Zoey think about it? Or, as a matter of fact, why do I care about what Zoey thinks at all? Who cares about the photography club and that stupid film? Who cares about our secrets together? Who cares about her dumb double date on Saturday? Not me. I had it right after I left her house the first time. Someone who isn¡¯t capable of love isn¡¯t worth my time. In fact, she¡¯s a detriment to me. And besides, maybe if I stopped talking to Zoey then Gwen would be my friend again. Maybe she¡¯d forgive me since I was finally breaking free of Zoey¡¯s grasp the way she broke free of Ben¡¯s, and then we could finally be happy.
But what if Zoey was right? What if she was only friends with me to get back at her for the Ben stuff?
No, that¡¯s not possible. I felt something genuine back then. It can¡¯t just be for something as shallow as revenge. It¡¯s strange to admit it to myself, but I trusted Gwen. I¡¯d only really known her for about two weeks, but I trusted her almost as much as I trust Lance. Maybe that makes me an idiot, but I think that shared experiences like those can tell you a lot about a person and how much you have in common.
¡°Trist.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
Lance¡¯s voice had brought me back to reality. I looked around, and they¡¯d both left the car and were just standing outside waiting for me. I was the only one left inside, still just sitting around twiddling my thumbs.
¡°You were zoned out man. What were you thinking about? Actually, never mind. Don¡¯t answer that. This is a chill evening. We¡¯re gonna chill. Just gonna enjoy those saintly Mickey D vibes.¡±
¡°Since we¡¯re not doing the drive through, you won¡¯t have any trash to litter your car with, right?¡± Jaz asked. And to her words, Lance only offered her up a sardonic smile. ¡°Uh¡ don¡¯t look at me like that. I don¡¯t like what you¡¯re insinuating.¡±
¡°Relax. In fact, I¡¯ll clean my car out right now. And I¡¯ll air it out too. So why don¡¯t you two silly kids head on inside and order something? By the way, my order is a big mac, small fries, and uhhh, whatever soda you guys are having.¡±
¡°Uh, right¡ I¡¯m not gonna remember that so that¡¯s all on Tristy. C¡¯mon, let¡¯s head in.¡±
Once we were inside, it felt like a weight had come off Jaz¡¯s shoulder. The guards she had put up around Lance came crumbling down just as easily as she¡¯d built them up.
¡°You know, it¡¯s weird. I really hated his guts ever since he joined the club. But after hanging out with him in the context of like, just the three of us and not in the club I¡¯m super passionate about, I think he¡¯s kinda growing on me. I don¡¯t like him or anything, but he¡¯s kinda¡ tolerable.¡±
Tolerable was a big step up from what I¡¯d been seeing for the past few days, so I was relieved.
¡°One time,¡± I said, smiling. ¡°Our junior year chemistry teacher called him out on sleeping during class.¡±
¡°Mr. Wendall?¡±
¡°You had him too?¡±
¡°Oh yeah, sophomore year. Total stick in the mud.¡±
¡°So then Lance goes, ¡®maybe you should make your class less boring if you don¡¯t want us sleeping.¡¯¡±
¡°Wow, he said that to that poor old guy? What a dick.¡±
¡°Yeah, he really doesn¡¯t care about anything. But that¡¯s how I know that he actually cares about me. He wouldn¡¯t bother with any of this if he didn¡¯t give a shit.¡±
¡°Oh really?¡±
¡°Yeah. I mean, I didn¡¯t even have to say anything and he offered to take me out today to try to cheer me up, right?¡±
¡°You do have a point¡ but he¡¯s still a dick. He says that word even though I told him I don¡¯t like it.¡±
¡°No you didn¡¯t.¡±
¡°What? Yes I did! Many times!¡±
¡°Well, I get why you¡¯d think that you did, but¡ your wording implied that he¡¯s not allowed to say that word at all. And he¡¯s not going to listen to you if you tell him that he can¡¯t say it. He¡¯s the kind of person who does whatever he wants.¡±
¡°What? So then¡ what should I say?¡±
¡°Just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. You¡¯re not like, infringing on his own rights, you¡¯re just asserting your own boundary¡ I think that¡¯s how he views it, anyway.¡±
¡°Huh¡ and you¡¯re sure that¡¯ll work?¡±
¡°Of course it will. He¡¯s a good person.¡±
That¡¯s right, I also have my friend. My good friend Lance. So why do I need to obsess over girls in the same way that Lawrence does? I have my entire life to worry about finding a partner. Can¡¯t I just focus on myself and having fun for now? I could just spend my days playing Dota and cruising through life with Lance like I always have. Is that so bad? Having no purpose for myself other than the dopamine high of a victory in an online video game? What¡¯s wrong with that? Actually, come to think of it, my entire life from freshman year until this point had been myself imagining a life with Zoey after graduating. Getting married, getting whatever job I could hold onto, and dedicating myself to her.
If I do decide to cut her out, what am I going to do with my life then? I¡¯m not Gwen, I don¡¯t have any acting talent to fall back on like she does now that Ben¡¯s out of her life. What¡¯s my next move? Maybe I could try directing if I like it. But, I¡¯d have to write a screenplay since Gwen and I aren¡¯t on good terms anymore. But are we really not? Maybe if I called her and apologized, she¡¯d forgive me. Maybe, just maybe¡
¡°Tristy! Your burger¡¯s getting cold!¡±
I came to again to the sight of Jaz and Lance staring at me with worried looks on their face. While I¡¯m glad that he was keeping an eye on me, it was worrying that I kept dozing off like that.
¡°Oh, right.¡±
I took a bite of my quarter pounder and smiled at them.
¡°Mm, delicious.¡± As I¡¯m sure they could tell, I was forcing myself to smile. To be honest, I wasn¡¯t even all that hungry. The sight of Gwen curled in that corner in fear was burned into my mind¡¯s eye. Even if I wasn¡¯t solely responsible, I felt like I owed her an apology. ¡°Sorry guys, can I make a call really quickly?¡±
¡°Hey, you don¡¯t need to ask,¡± Jaz said.
¡°Yeah, you can leave the two of us alone. We¡¯re like best buds now.¡±
¡°You¡¯re pushing it, Shaggy.¡±
¡°Oh I get it. Because I¡¯m a white guy who smokes a lot of weed, right? That was kinda edgy of you, best bud. But you know what? Since we¡¯re such good friends I¡¯ll forgive you.¡±
¡°Thank you for your generosity.¡±
I nodded at them then ran out of the store with her contact in hand. The urge to rectify this was preventing me from calming down and enjoying the outing with the two of them. Just the thought that she could be suffering right at that moment was enough to justify this. I needed to fix it. It was obvious. And yet, I couldn¡¯t seem to get my thumb to hit the call button on her contact. All I could do was stare down at my phone as the fear of what her response would be assailed my mind.
Would she admonish me? Curse me out? Break it off cleanly? Or would she just accept that I was in a rough situation? My fear of her response was growing by the minute, but I couldn¡¯t just not find out. I needed to find the strength to hit the call button. I needed to channel Zoey¡¯s cold indifference. Just until I swung the hammer down on the button. Until then, I needed to be like her.
The sound of the phone ringing filled my head.
When did I hit the button?
My mind was doing strange jump cuts like some kind of artsy foreign film.
Was I doing okay?
No.
It didn¡¯t matter.
I needed to clear things up with her.
That was more important than whatever was going on in my head.
¡°Hey, this is Gwen. If it¡¯s important, leave a message.¡±
I hung up.
I needed to speak to her now, not leave some voicemail that¡¯s never going to get listened to.
The phone rang again.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three rings.
Four-
¡°What?¡±
She picked up.
I hadn¡¯t expected it, but she really did pick up.
But, what should I say?
I had so much I wanted to say, but once she answered, all of it flew out the window.
I was at a loss for words, and could only stumble forward over myself.
¡°Hey, uh, Gwen. About earlier, I-¡±
A sudden sigh broke through my sentence. The frustration it carried was heavy enough to smash my words to pieces. And all that was left afterwards was a lull of silence. A lull that lasted all too long.
¡°Never mind. I don¡¯t think I can do this. Goodbye Tristan.¡±
The line was cut.
My bridge towards Gwen had vanished just like that.
I couldn¡¯t believe it.
My finger immediately hit the call button again.
After a moment of silence, a feminine voice spoke through the phone¡¯s speakers.
¡°We¡¯re sorry, but the number-¡±
I hung up and tried again.
¡°We¡¯re sorry, but the num-¡±
I tried again.
Again.
Again.
After trying eight or nine more times, I gave up and looked up at the sky. The streetlights were beaming down from above me like a spotlight. If I really were the protagonist of some foreign artsy film, I had wondered what kind of monologue I¡¯d be given for a scene like this. A long piece filled with more wallowing and flailing in pain over my terrible actions, I¡¯m sure. But the weakness in my body made it difficult to think of anything that poetic. I¡¯m sure Gwen could, though. She could write something beautiful and act it out to perfection. She¡¯d give a performance that could move stadiums of people to their feet.
But as for me, all I could do was embrace the feeling of emptiness inside myself. My face had loosened. I no longer had the strength to even change my expression. Just what have I been doing for the past month? Dancing to the devil¡¯s tune for the promise of, what? Sex? It couldn¡¯t be love. Zoey Brahm and love are like water and oil. I don¡¯t believe for a second that she¡¯d just suddenly warm up to me. And besides, I could hack her and find out for myself at any point. The whole thing just felt like bullshit.
¡°What about this picture?¡±
¡°Wait wait, I don¡¯t like my eyebrows in this one. Hang on.¡±
¡°Sure, fine. My angle was off anyways. I wanna look more like Sasuke in this.¡±
¡°You wanna look like Sasuke? What are you, twelve?¡±
I came to and found myself standing at the table, staring at Jazmine and Lance, who were trying to cozy up to take a selfie together.
¡°Uh, what are you two doing?¡± I asked.
¡°Oh, hey Trist. Jaz just told me that Naomi¡¯s only talking to Lawrence to make me jealous. Can you believe that? Fucking bullshit, man. So we¡¯re taking a selfie at McDonalds for Instagram to get back at her. She¡¯s gonna be so jealous, dude.¡±
¡°Can you guys like, not do that?¡± I asked.
¡°Tristy, c¡¯mon,¡± Jaz said. ¡°It¡¯s not like she¡¯s innocent, right? She started it. Besides, it¡¯ll be fun.¡±
¡°It doesn¡¯t matter who started it. If you guys do this then things are only going to get worse, not better.¡±
¡°I hear you Trist, and I¡¯m listening and I¡¯m- and it¡¯s uploaded.¡±
¡°Oh my GOD Lance! My eyebrows! Why did you upload that one?¡±
¡°Your eyebrows are fine dude, relax. Look, what¡¯s important here is that Naomi gets jealous. She¡¯s fucking me over with Lawrence, so I¡¯ll fuck her over with you.¡±
She sighed. ¡°Really? I kinda think Tristy¡¯s right. I don¡¯t like you like that. And you don¡¯t like me like that. So it¡¯s like, not actually the same as what she¡¯s doing.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°Well, Lawrence really likes her, right?¡±
¡°Not really. He¡¯s just trying to get in her pants.¡±
¡°Yeah, but, that¡¯s still bad. You have way more to lose from upping the ante here, right?¡±
¡°Oh¡ right.¡±
¡°It¡¯s not too late to delete the picture. She probably hasn¡¯t seen it.¡±
¡°Nope, she has. She just texted me.¡±
I sighed. ¡°Since when are you two so buddy buddy anyway?¡±
¡°Oh,¡± Jazmine smiled. ¡°I understand him better now, I guess.¡±
¡°You do?¡± I asked.
¡°Yeah. He¡¯s not hateful, he¡¯s just a child.¡±
¡°Hey,¡± Lance scowled.
¡°He doesn¡¯t say the stuff he says because he means harm, he¡¯s just a kid who thinks its fun. He¡¯ll grow out of it eventually. Or not. Either way, I don¡¯t have to like that part of him. I just need to tolerate it when I have to.¡±
¡°Yeah, Trist, we¡¯ve got a nice healthy working relationship now.¡±
¡°Right¡¡± I moved back over to my seat and stared at my burger. They might be pretending to hate each other still, but it¡¯s obvious that they enjoy each other¡¯s company now.
But despite that bit of good news, I found myself slouching in my seat, unable to even pick up the food item in front of me. I thought that the call would have given me my appetite back, but I felt far worse than I did before. Maybe I should have just told her about Dream Paralysis. Maybe I should¡¯ve told her why Zoey is so interested in me. Maybe that would make up for it. But it¡¯s too late for that now. She¡¯s not taking my calls anymore.
¡°So how¡¯d it go?¡± Jaz asked.
¡°She hung up on me.¡±
¡°Zoey did?¡±
¡°No.¡±
The feeling of tears welling up is always so uncomfortable. I¡¯m not supposed to cry. I don¡¯t want to look weak. I don¡¯t want to make them feel sorry for me more than they already do.
¡°No? Then who?¡±
¡°I can¡¯t¡ say.¡± My voice cracked.
¡°Trist?¡± Lance looked up from his phone.
My mask had slipped.
I wanted them to stop looking at me.
I wanted to hide my face.
To run away.
I didn¡¯t want them to look at me.
But all I could think about was how much fun I¡¯d had getting to know her.
How, despite her thorny exterior, she was actually a sweet girl.
Sympathetic and kind.
Her bad experiences made her seem rough around the edges, but there was still an amazing person in there.
Funny, smart, loving, talented.
And she was finally starting to come out of her shell after all those things she¡¯d experienced.
I really liked her, and I wanted to spend more time with her.
But...
Because of my obsession with Zoey¡
Because of my stupid brain that can¡¯t function without thinking of her¡
¡°Hey, Tristy¡¡±
Jaz¡¯s hand was at my back again.
It was obvious why she was comforting me.
I was sobbing like a pathetic child.
I¡¯m a loser who can¡¯t even stop himself from crying at a McDonalds in front of his friends.
I haven¡¯t cried since my first year of middle school, and I¡¯d done it twice in the past month.
She¡¯s bad news. Zoey Brahm is a cancer.
She needed to be cut out before she spreads too far.
She had to go.
It was time to make the pressing decision.
I¡¯d finally decided that, from then on, I would no longer depend on Zoey Brahm.
Volume 2 Chapter 5 - III
Much like that evening, the next few days went by like a blur. I was in and out of consciousness, constantly lost in my own disappointment with myself. I couldn¡¯t focus in class. It was all just far too tiresome for me to deal with. Every day, I¡¯d hoped that I could see Gwen, and everyday Lawrence would tell me that she hadn¡¯t shown up. The rest of the day would just be a test of patience as I waited for tomorrow in the hopes that she¡¯d finally show. Before I knew it, Friday had come, and I was forced to accept that I¡¯d have to wait until Monday to see her.
¡°¡¯Kay, so little known fact about Marcus Green. During his first police interview after he was apprehended, he actually never mentioned feeling things like regret or fear or anger or anything else. The officers said he spoke calmly like he was talking about beheading some chickens for dinner. It¡¯s weird, right? I mean, I figure if you¡¯re gonna go around killing that many people you¡¯ve gotta have some kind of reason for it, right? Think about this: psychologists think that Ted Bundy¡¯s unresolved anger issues led to his killing spree, Jeffrey Dahmer was trying to satisfy some weird sexual craving he had, and the Unabomber thought the modern world was just about the worst thing ever. But what about Marcus Green, man? He camped out in the woods around lake Irma for years and dragged people deep inside before brutally mutilating them. What was going on there? Was he a cannibal? Was he paid to do it?¡±
¡°Lance, I¡¯m sorry but I really don¡¯t care right now,¡± I said.
¡°Hang on Trist, I¡¯m getting to the best part. So during the interview, the more the police spoke to the guy to try and figure out his motives, the more they began to realize that like, he just couldn¡¯t understand the concept of why it was wrong. To him, killing carried the same moral consideration as cutting down a tree or swatting a mosquito. So they had him talk to some psychologists, and boom. Turns out the guy thought he was like, a different being than other humans. Like, something better. Maybe he thought he was God or something. I dunno. It¡¯s weird though. While his parents got divorced when he was a teenager, he otherwise had an average family life and an average school experience as far as they could tell. He was, for all intents and purposes, just a normal dude. He just happened to think that he was a superior species to the rest of us. But that kinda raises a question. Just how many Marcus Greens are living among us without our knowing?¡±
¡°What¡¯s the point of this story?¡± I asked.
¡°I¡¯m thinking of going vegan. What if I¡¯m like Marcus Green but for animals? I eat them because I¡¯m human and they¡¯re just chickens and cows, but isn¡¯t that how Marcus Green looked at other people? Kinda makes me feel like I¡¯m a psychopath for doing this.¡±
¡°Are you serious?¡±
¡°Yeah,¡± he said, taking a bite out of his ham sandwich. ¡°Think about it, they were living things just like you. You didn¡¯t kill them but like, aren¡¯t you contributing to their deaths by buying animal meat and technically funding their genocide?¡±
¡°Genocide is only when you¡¯re killing people, dude.¡±
¡°You¡¯re right, and that¡¯s another thing. Why isn¡¯t there a word for the systematic killing of animals anyway? There¡¯s a word for every other kind of killing. Suicide, homicide, genocide, patricide, matricide, infanticide. What do we have for killing animals for meat en masse? Systematic slaughtering? Just doesn¡¯t have the same ring to it, does it? If you ask me, the only reason we look away from that stuff is because we never made it taboo like every other kind of killing. And if that¡¯s the case, then what¡¯s the difference between me and Marcus Green? Could I kill other people like that if I was just never taught that it was taboo? I wonder if his stomach turned the first time he killed someone? Digging his knife into their guts, carving them open like a clueless animal, not even batting an eye as they wailed in terror at the sights and sounds and smells of being skinned alive by his butcher¡¯s knife¡¡±
¡°Not at lunch, man. Come on.¡±
Lance seemed to have been doing some kind of internet deep dive on Deer Valley¡¯s own local serial killer incident from back in the 80s. Whenever the guy learns about something new, he makes it his mission to find some way to fit it into every conversation. It¡¯s not like he particularly cares about whether he should eat meat or not. He¡¯s just drunk on fantasizing about some holier-than-thou, morally clean vegan lifestyle that would make him better than Marcus Green.
¡°Okay. I¡¯m gonna be honest Trist,¡± he suddenly spoke up. ¡°I¡¯m trying really hard not to ask about what happened between you and Zoey. You look like a depressed husband that just lost his wife to cancer, and she looks like she hasn¡¯t slept in like a month. What the hell is going on between you two?¡±
¡°Why should I tell you?¡±
¡°What? Cuz we¡¯re friends. Duh.¡±
¡°That didn¡¯t stop you from hiding your Naomi stuff from me though.¡±
He sighed. ¡°Alright that¡¯s a little different. This is obviously eating you inside so just come out and talk about it. You clearly want to.¡±
¡°And your thing wasn¡¯t eating at you? You¡¯ve been a wreck this past week too. And yet it took Gwen practically forcing it out of you to finally tell me about it. And why haven¡¯t you told Naomi how you feel yet anyway? She¡¯s still talking to Lawrence because you posted that stupid picture of you and Jaz.¡±
¡°Dude, I deleted it as quickly as I could¡ ugh. Okay, fine. I fucked up. A lot. Are you happy?¡±
¡°Not really. I think I¡¯d look like less of a depressed husband if you and Naomi started hanging out again.¡±
Lance said nothing. His empty eyes were looking somewhere far past me. Whatever it was, he eventually gave up and returned to his sandwich. I initially thought that he¡¯d been angry at what I said after the silence followed. But judging by the look on his face, he must have genuinely been unable to respond.
¡°Hey Lance, listen¡¡±
¡°Tristan, do you have a minute?¡±
I turned to the sound of the voice, reluctantly, to the source. A disheveled Zoey Brahm who looked like she had been fighting for her life for the past few days. I didn¡¯t know what was causing her so much distress, but I didn¡¯t care. I thought that she genuinely deserved to suffer for what she did to Gwen.
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¡°I¡¯m having lunch.¡±
¡°You can take it with you then.¡±
She was as bossy as ever. It¡¯s funny how attractive her pushy personality was when I had been looking at her through rose-colored glasses, and how aggravating it had become since the incident.
¡°Will this take long?¡±
¡°Please, just come.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t...¡±
¡°Just go Trist. You look like you have some things you want to say to her too,¡± Lance said.
The nosiness he had when it came to my affairs was pushing me over the edge.
¡°You know Lance,¡± I said, standing up. ¡°I just really wished you could feel like you could talk to people about things.¡±
¡°Sorry, dude.¡±
After tossing one more nugget into my mouth, I followed behind Zoey who seemed determined to lead me away from the cafeteria. My resolve had already begun to waver. I was being relied upon by that Zoey Brahm. Despite my animosity towards her, there was this powerful surge of energy swelling up inside of me. But I did my best to stifle it. I would not go back to being her toy, and I wanted to make that clear today.
We eventually arrived after traversing all the way over to the photography club room. I hadn¡¯t been there since the incident with Gwen, so to be honest, it wasn¡¯t exactly a comforting place to be. The curtain was all hung up on the barrier again, and there wasn¡¯t a bee in sight. I supposed that she managed to get rid of them all when I left.
¡°You haven¡¯t answered my calls or texts.¡± She laid her head down and rested her body on the sofa.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°I¡¯ve been feeling lonely, you know. Doesn¡¯t that kind of make you a bad boyfriend?¡±
¡°I didn¡¯t know you were capable of feeling anything.¡±
¡°You know,¡± she said with a sigh. ¡°This is what I was really worried about with Dream Paralysis. I was worried that you¡¯d get to know me too well. When you said you had no access to my memories, I was honestly relieved. But I think that might have actually been better than the reality of it.¡±
I knew what she was referring to, but I didn¡¯t say anything.
¡°Words or stories can¡¯t really communicate things about a person the way experiencing their feelings can. If I told you that I couldn¡¯t love, you¡¯d probably think that I was just scared of having feelings for someone. That, with enough effort, you could break through my shell and win me over to your side. But because of Dream Paralysis, you found out that I, quite literally, cannot fall in love. It¡¯s not something I¡¯m capable of. I¡¯ve looked it up before. Apparently, it¡¯s called being aromantic. While I do have certain desires for members of the opposite sex, I can¡¯t actually fall in love with them, which is something you learned very early on thanks to your power.¡±
She said it without room for refutation. Our relationship was a sham, and it would always be a sham.
¡°So why did you call me here? Are you going to fuck me over the way you did Gwen?¡±
¡°No, Tristan. I want to start over.¡±
¡°How? You¡¯ve ruined it.¡±
¡°How have I ruined it, Tristan?¡± she asked. ¡°Pray tell, what have I done besides help you out of every single mess you found yourself in?¡±
¡°Help me?¡± I felt my fist clenching. Even yelling at her with everything I had wouldn¡¯t have cleansed me of the anger I felt.
¡°Oh, you¡¯re talking about Gwen¡¡± The way she spoke about it as if she¡¯d completely forgotten about it already pissed me off. As if her stupid life of taking pictures is just so damn interesting. ¡°I do feel bad about it, but it¡¯s not like I can do anything about it now.¡±
¡°Zoey, that¡¯s not true. You know it¡¯s not true. You can apologize. You can come clean. There¡¯s so many fucking things that you can do right now.¡±
¡°No, I can¡¯t Tristan. She¡¯s gone.¡±
¡°She¡¯s¡ what?¡±
¡°She transferred out. She¡¯s moving to Atlanta. There¡¯s nothing I can do anymore.¡±
¡°What the fuck¡¡±
¡°Tristan.¡± She sat up.
¡°No. Don¡¯t fucking ¡®Tristan¡¯ me, Zoey. There¡¯s no defending this. Why would you¡ she could have died!¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, Tristan. I feel terrible about it.¡±
¡°SHE COULD HAVE DIED!¡±
My anger was at its boiling point. Should I have just walked out right at that moment? What she did was beyond psychopathic. To meticulously craft a life-or-death situation like that just to manipulate the other person into giving you what you want is irredeemable.
¡°Did you have me hack you so I¡¯d be more onboard with your idea?¡±
¡°No, I needed to sleep.¡±
¡°Liar.¡±
¡°Tristan¡ please. I haven¡¯t been able to sleep.¡±
¡°I hope you never sleep again.¡±
¡°Please, please. I just¡¡±
While I had been doing my best to deny what she was saying, the truth is, it was the first time I¡¯d seen the domineering Zoey look so feeble. It was like I could snap her in half if I so much as touched her. She was practically groveling at my feet.
¡°You just what?¡±
¡°I just need you to watch me while I sleep. I can¡¯t sleep without you anymore.¡±
¡°Oh, you can¡¯t? You can¡¯t sleep without me anymore? Well-¡±
Her words suddenly sunk in.
Of course, I had been all too familiar with the pain of being unable to sleep.
The weight of those sleepless nights never truly left your shoulders. It affected everything that I did, every interaction with another person, every class, even my own enjoyment of my hobbies¡
None of it felt like I was living. Like I was truly living.
I was just trying to get by, drifting through the day in the hopes that I could finally, eventually get some rest.
But I never really did.
Not unless I thought of Zoey.
And here she was, asking the same of me.
She said that she couldn¡¯t sleep unless I stayed with her.
Was she being serious?
Or was it all just a ploy to get me to sympathize with her?
No, I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve told anyone except my parents or my psychiatrist about my sleeping issues. I hadn¡¯t even told Lance.
¡°Tristan, please. Just stay with me for a while.¡±
She was the kind of tired you couldn¡¯t fake. It was obvious to anyone who¡¯d seen her in the past few days. Even Lance had mentioned it earlier. So what if she was a terrible person? I wouldn¡¯t wish what I go through every night on my worst enemy. And, after all, she was the one who had helped me through all of those sleepless nights in the first place.
¡°Fine.¡±
¡°Thanks Tristan.¡±
She smiled then placed her head back down on the sofa. She was using her sturdy bag as support for her head. She must not have been in a place to pick or choose, but I suppose it didn¡¯t matter. After all, it only took a minute for her to go out cold. I could tell by the change in her breathing and the relaxed look on her face that she had passed out.
Just how long had she been holding it in for? Was it the guilt of screwing Gwen over causing her this much distress?
If it was, then maybe I shouldn¡¯t have eased her mind.
¡°She transferred¡¡±
My nails were digging into the skin of my palm.
The fact that Zoey was able to sleep so soundly while Gwen had essentially been bullied into moving away by her was a farce of the worst kind. Zoey got away with everything she¡¯d done. From hacking her own mother for beer, to manipulating me into rigging the homecoming game, then using me to hack Laura for seemingly no reason. And all that is without mentioning how she ruined Gwen¡¯s first relationship, then threatened and blackmailed her like she was just an objective to complete in a video game.
I found my hands curling gently around her defenseless neck. If I wanted to, I could end her life right this second, I thought. She had put so much trust in me by allowing me next to her sleeping body. I could exact revenge on her for Gwen¡¯s sake with little resistance if I wanted to.
But in the next second, I found myself seated at the computer desk, the chair turned to face her. There was no point. Doing that would have made me the same as her. Human beings don¡¯t need to operate in such a cold way. We¡¯re capable of caring about things outside of ourselves and forming genuine connections of trust. I¡¯ll grant her these few hours of sleep as a thank you for all those sleepless nights she had gotten me through. But once we¡¯re done here, I will say my goodbyes. I can¡¯t have her warp my mind any more than she already has.
Volume 2 Chapter 5 - IV
Classes were already over for the day, and by extension the week since it was Friday at that point, when Warren Jackson had been conducting his investigation of the abandoned PoliSci club room. There was something about the room that had bothered him the last time he was there, so he asked Lawrence for the keys once again in order to take a look. Whether it was lucky for Zoey Brahm or not, however, the room kept filling his head with images of his first kiss with Penny Taylor, so he couldn¡¯t manage to focus on his objective.
There were few things that were so joyful that they made a physical dent in his otherwise neutral expression. After all, this was Warren. He was infamously difficult to read due to his inability to properly convey his emotions to others. But ever since dating Penny, those around him began noticing something resembling a smile tugging at the ends of his lips. Lawrence noted it at lunch today. Love changes a man, Warren thought.
¡®Love doesn¡¯t exist though.¡¯ He heard Lawrence¡¯s words ringing through his mind. If that were the case, then Warren couldn¡¯t help but wonder what it was that he¡¯d been feeling for the past few days. If love didn¡¯t exist, then was he just drunk off the idea of a relationship? Warren couldn¡¯t put two and two together no matter how much he racked his brains over it. He needed more experience.
But that newfound joy didn¡¯t last long. News of Gwen¡¯s transfer had already spread throughout the student body, and Warren was determined to figure out Zoey¡¯s part in it. She¡¯d called him the day before she started skipping school and told him that her decision to drug Ben was all her idea. Whether it was true or not, Warren decided to believe her if that was what she truly wanted him to believe. There wasn¡¯t any point in doubting his friend, after all. But that was before news of this transfer happened. Now, he became keenly aware of the distress in her voice when she¡¯d called him.
There was no way to draw any absolute conclusion, but he felt certain that it was no coincidence, and that Zoey was involved somehow in all of this. If it were just her issues with Ben, then she would have transferred after everything blew up on Saturday. Instead, she came to school and seemed fine, no. Her mood was the best it¡¯d been in months. It was like peering into the past at the old Gwen before Ben had left her behind. So what happened? And was Zoey responsible? Warren was determined to get to the bottom of it once he was done investigating the room.
¡°Sorry, we¡¯re not open today.¡±
¡°Please, it¡¯s important!¡±
¡°I¡¯m really sorry. Could you check back with us on Monday?¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°Thanks.¡±
Warren heard the conversation from inside the PoliSci clubroom. Of course, the photography club was just next to this clubroom. That was what had tipped him off about the room in the first place. However, he couldn¡¯t figure anything out due to his love-muddled mind. Instead, he decided to leave the room and investigate the source of the confusion outside.
The door to the photography club, which had only been opened a smidge when Warren walked out, had closed shut, barring two students who were waiting by the door. Their dejection at their denial of entry was apparent even to Warren. But why was the photography club closed anyway? Warren knew that Fridays were usually their busiest days. It would be strange for them to be closed on a day like this.
¡°Hello,¡± he greeted the two students.
¡°Huh? Oh, hey. You¡¯re on the basketball team, right?¡± the boy asked.
¡°So tall¡¡± the girl marveled.
¡°What¡¯s going on?¡±
¡°Oh, they¡¯re not letting anyone into the club today for some reason... It¡¯s lame. We wanted to ask about Travis again¡¡±
¡°Ollie!! Shh! We¡¯re not supposed to talk about him!¡±
¡°But Linda¡¡±
The name Travis didn¡¯t ring any bells to Warren, so he had no idea what their business with the club entailed.
¡°What about you?¡± she asked. ¡°What did you want to do here today?¡±
¡°Oh, I was just looking around the PoliSci clubroom. But I also wanted to ask Zoey if she knew anything about Gwen¡¯s transfer.¡±
¡°Gwen¡¡± Linda repeated the name, as if pondering it to herself. ¡°Hey, Ollie. Maybe we can tell him. He might know something.¡±
Warren eyed the door beside them. Whatever it was that they wanted to talk about, he decided that it probably wouldn¡¯t do them any good to do it within earshot of whoever was inside.
¡°Can we do this somewhere else?¡± he asked.
¡°Oh, sure. I kinda wanted to snack anyway,¡± Ollie said.
They made their way down to the first floor and from there they headed to the cafeteria. It wasn¡¯t quite as busy as it was at lunch during these hours, so it wouldn¡¯t make for a bad spot to talk about whatever it was they wanted to. And if it was at all related to Gwen, then Warren needed to secure whatever information it was that they had to offer.
¡°Hang on, I¡¯ll be right back,¡± Ollie said after Linda and Warren sat down. He ran over to the vending machine to pick up something to munch on. Linda, on the other hand, stared at Warren with such awe in her eyes that Warren thought that he must have looked like a Gundam in her eyes.
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¡°So tall¡¡±
¡°Sorry.¡±
¡°Sorry? It¡¯s a good thing! I wish I was taller.¡±
¡°Are you a freshman?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°You¡¯ll get taller, don¡¯t worry.¡±
She smiled and looked down at the desk.
¡°So, are you two dating?¡± Warren asked.
¡°H-huh? No! I mean, we only just met last week.¡±
¡°So?¡±
¡°So?! So¡ so it¡¯s too soon!¡±
¡°Do you not like him?¡±
¡°I¡ I do. I mean, I think so.¡±
¡°You should ask him out then.¡±
¡°It¡¯s too soon, okay? We¡¯re just friends. Plus, what if he doesn¡¯t like me back? I¡¯d be ruining our friendship for nothing.¡±
¡°I¡¯m back!¡± Ollie crept up behind her with a smile, and handed her some canned soda. ¡°You looked thirsty, here.¡±
¡°O-oh, thanks¡¡± Hiding the redness spreading quickly across her face, she opened the can and took a sip. Ollie took a seat next to her, opening his bag of potato chips and munching away. It all seemed a bit too relaxed considering how tense they were earlier about this secret, but he didn¡¯t let it show. He never let anything show. Perhaps that was why they continued with their nonchalance.
¡°So what did you want to talk to me about?¡± Warren asked.
¡°Oh.¡± Ollie suddenly looked up. ¡±I forgot about that.¡±
¡°Do you know anyone named Travis?¡± Linda asked.
¡°No, I don¡¯t.¡±
¡°Oh. But you know Gwen, right? The girl who¡¯s transferring.¡±
¡°Yeah, we¡¯re close friends.¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°It¡¯s okay.¡±
It wasn¡¯t okay, but Warren didn¡¯t know how to say it. All he knew how to do was say what was expected in situations like these. The truth is, he was beaten up over how his friend group had splintered apart. Sure, his newfound romantic relationship with Penny had eased both of their pains over it, but it didn¡¯t change the fact that Ben was suspended all week, and Gwen was now transferring to a different school. But the only thing he knew how to say was ¡®it¡¯s okay¡¯, because that¡¯s just what was expected in situations like these.
¡°They met that day, you know,¡± Ollie spoke up. ¡°Before the homecoming match.¡±
¡°Gwen and the Travis person?¡±
¡°Yeah. He paid Linda to have Gwen meet him near some bathrooms.¡±
It was fishy. That was before she drugged Ben. Even if Warren assumed that Gwen was lying to him over the phone, then wasn¡¯t Zoey the one responsible for that? Why was this Travis person suddenly inserting themselves into the story?
¡°Did you hear what they were talking about?¡± Warren asked.
¡°No, they stopped talking when I got close.¡±
¡°What did he look like?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t really know. He¡¯s white, and his hair is brown.¡±
¡°No it¡¯s not, it¡¯s like dirty blonde,¡± Ollie said.
¡°Whatever. Brown, dirty blonde, doesn¡¯t matter. He was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap so I couldn¡¯t see his face too clearly.¡±
A disguise. Perhaps it could have been Zoey, Warren thought for a moment.
¡°What did he sound like?¡± he asked.
¡°Uhh, like a normal guy,¡± Linda said.
¡°Deep voice?¡±
¡°Average for a guy, I think.¡±
It wasn¡¯t Zoey then. It didn¡¯t make sense anyway. She had been setting up in the gym when Gwen was missing. So then, who? Who did Warren know that could have possibly done something like that?
¡°We asked Zoey about him,¡± Ollie said. ¡°She said he was an Ollenville student who snuck in to watch the game.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
¡°He was sitting next to me the entire time. If the photography club was open, we could show you the picture Zoey took of the crowd¡ for some reason the photos of him aren¡¯t on the school website. I guess she¡¯s protecting him from punishment for sneaking in. She was actually supposed to introduce us to him this week, but she never called. That¡¯s why we were trying to talk to her today.¡±
When Warren thought back to his confrontation with Zoey after the dance, she hadn¡¯t denied his accusation that she was responsible for Gwen drugging Ben when he confronted her after homecoming. Yet for some reason, she went out of her way to protect this Travis character¡¯s identity when he might clearly be the culprit.
Was that it? Or was their meeting just a coincidence?
Was Gwen¡¯s call earlier this week all for the purpose of protecting this Travis¡¯s identity?
There was more to this than what met the eye. Gwen definitely knew this person¡¯s identity, and she might have been blackmailed by Zoey or Travis himself to keep her mouth shut.
He reached into his pocket to grab his phone, then decided against it. Even if he called her right then and there, she probably wouldn¡¯t answer, let alone divulge Travis¡¯s identity. He had to figure this out on his own.
It was someone who hadn¡¯t been at homecoming.
Male, white, dirty blonde, absent from the homecoming game, close to Gwen and Zoey both.
And of course, someone who needed Benjamin to lose his bet.
Who did he know that met all these criteria?
¡°Do you have an idea?¡± Ollie asked.
Gwen¡¯s birthday at the mall. That¡¯s what it came down to. Why was he there? It made no sense. Lawrence seemed to have an idea, but neither Penny nor Warren could make heads or tails of it. When had they met? When had they had the chance to bond with one another? It didn¡¯t seem like they¡¯d ever so much as exchanged words together outside of class, let alone in one.
¡°I¡¯ll handle it, don¡¯t worry,¡± Warren finally said.
¡°What? But¡ I wanted to meet him,¡± Ollie said.
¡°Is he the reason Gwen¡¯s transferring?¡± Linda asked.
¡°Probably.¡±
¡°Then we should tell the school! It¡¯s important!¡± she said.
¡°Don¡¯t do anything crazy. I said I¡¯d handle it.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
Perhaps he should just report it. He was slowly coming around to her side of things. Was he getting ahead of himself? He had been convinced to do things thanks to other people¡¯s input for so long against his better judgment that the thought of doing it again here didn¡¯t sit right with him. If she wouldn¡¯t listen to the request on her own, Warren realized, then he needed to convince her.
¡°There¡¯s a bomb in the room.¡±
¡°What?¡± Linda looked confused, twisting her head around in search of something.
¡°There¡¯s a bomb in the room. The room is locked and full of hostages. It¡¯s ticking down slowly. You¡¯re anxious. If it goes off, everything and everyone in the room is going down. But in that room, there¡¯s an agent skilled in defusing timed explosives. Do you try to break in and save everyone yourself, or will you let the expert who understands the situation handle it?¡±
¡°I¡¯d¡ I¡¯d¡¡±
¡°Linda¡¡± Ollie placed his hand on her shoulder. ¡°He¡¯s right. We don¡¯t know anything about this. We should¡ probably leave it to him.¡±
¡°But¡ I¡¯m responsible. I led her to Travis. All for twenty dollars. It¡¯s my fault. It¡¯s¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s not your fault, Linda. If it wasn¡¯t you, it would¡¯ve been someone else.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°Don¡¯t blame yourself,¡± Warren said. ¡°I¡¯ll handle it, don¡¯t worry.¡±
¡°He¡¯s right Linda. It¡¯s not your fault.¡±
¡°Ugh¡ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m being a downer. The real victim¡¯s Gwen. I don¡¯t know what he did, but if he really is responsible, then I hope he gets what¡¯s coming to him.¡±
Warren stood up from his seat with new determination. He stared down at the two of them, who looked up at him in awe. He thought he saw Linda mouth the word ¡®tall¡¯ while staring.
¡°I¡¯ll make sure he gets what¡¯s coming to him.¡±
Though his words were confident, he would have to confront both Zoey Brahm and Tristan Collins about this. How he¡¯d go about doing it, he wasn¡¯t sure. Judging by their personalities, isolating Tristan and confronting him separately might have been the best bet. Zoey was still too difficult to talk to for him. She had wormed her way out of a checkmate last time because he had no evidence. But he decided that he would bring the fight to them once he mulled over everything over the weekend. He knew the truth now, after all. At least, he thought he did.
Unknown to Warren, however, was a rabbit hole that even he would have great difficulty navigating.
Volume 2 Chapter 5 - V
-Zoey¡¯s POV-
When I came to, the familiar orange had dyed the interior of the photography club room, signaling the end of the day. And seated at the chair before me was Tristan Collins, staring down at his phone with nocturnal eyes already seasoned by the sandman¡¯s magic dust. He must have been sitting there for a long time. His fatigued expression plus the evening orange was throwing me for a loop.
¡°What time is it?¡± I asked, rubbing my face.
His eyes darted up towards me then returned to his phone. ¡°6:42.¡±
The end of daylight savings had disoriented me this week. I had thought that it was much later than that. That said, I had been sleeping for about six hours. We both missed our classes to be here. This means that, at the very least, he was willing to continue humoring me to some extent.
¡°You haven¡¯t been wearing your glasses lately,¡± he said.
¡°Oh, you¡¯re right. I suppose I haven¡¯t felt the need to now that I have a gun at my hip.¡±
A lie. I had avoided doing so in order to give Warren less of a reason to start talking about me. So far, no one had mentioned anything about my spy glasses, so it¡¯s safe to assume that he was still keeping it a secret.
Still, the fact that Tristan had noticed it at all was concerning. The situation was clearly different. Something in him had changed since that day with Gwen. I had underestimated just how deeply she¡¯d sunken her teeth into him, and forcefully pulling her away caused more damage than I had anticipated. Just how deep was the bond they¡¯d formed in the past week?
¡°Where is everyone?¡± I asked.
¡°I turned them away. I said you were sleeping.¡±
I wondered if anyone important planned on showing up today. It all seemed like a blur to me.
¡°Oh, did they ask why you were in here while I was sleeping?¡± I¡¯d only meant to tease him, but he didn¡¯t respond to my question at all. He was battling something; it was clear as day on that dumb-looking face of his. There, I saw the conflicting feelings within himself that prevented him from entirely cutting me off. I don¡¯t know what those feelings are, and I don¡¯t know where they come from. I can¡¯t just hack him and find out the way he can hack me. The dynamics at play in our relationship were only fair insofar as I can continue to take advantage of those feelings. I can¡¯t reign him in the way I did with Gwen or Lawrence. I have no second-strike capabilities against Dream Paralysis. If he decides to mess with me, then my life is over. That¡¯s why I need him to like me.
¡°Why don¡¯t I drive you home?¡±
When I offered it up playfully, I felt hundreds of pointed blades run through my body for an instant. His razor-sharp gaze, the concentrated malice he had directed at me in that moment was like a visual execution. Time was frozen as our eyes met. If I hadn¡¯t still been half-asleep, I might have even flinched at such a sudden look of disgust and anger.
¡°No need,¡± he said finally. ¡°I¡¯ll find my own way.¡±
With those words, he got up from his seat and left the room, leaving me to wonder just what the future would hold for the two of us. His reaction was cold, sure, but I supposed that this was just how things were going to go when I do something like what I did. It¡¯ll take a lot of effort to build his trust again. After this stuff with Lawrence was knocked out of the way, winning him back would have to be my number one priority.
I contemplated all of this as I was seated in my car in the driveway of my house, unwilling to leave and head inside. The reason for that was simple. There was another, unfamiliar car that was also parked in my way. Guests were so infrequent for our little home that one would be tempted to assume that Carla had no friends at all. And yet, there it was. Another large chunk of steel sitting right before me, indicating that, yes, that woman did, in fact, know how to communicate amicably with other human beings. Of course, there was no need to ask who the other human being was that would bother giving her their time of the day. The man I had been ruining my sleep thanks to.
Our little agreement seemed to have worked out so far. I hadn¡¯t felt any hacking attempts since that time with Laura, so he may not have been willing to get on my bad side yet. At the very least, my week of fun was being respected. But that was only because he thought that I had the other half of the twin spirits. Once he figures it out, who knows what will happen? I needed to resolve all of this other stuff and get myself back on Tristan¡¯s good side to deal with this guy.
¡°Guess I should head in.¡±
I sighed and finally got out of my car. I didn¡¯t know what to expect. No, sorry. That¡¯s a lie. I know exactly how Carla acts in front of other people. The performances she¡¯s capable of putting on are all Oscar-worthy masterpieces that would put all of Hollywood to shame. Unfortunately though, I didn¡¯t think I had the stomach for that kind of feature film. I hit the lock button on my car remote then went through the door.
¡°Oh, honey! Welcome home!¡±
Not to my surprise, Carla Brahm greeted me like the loving mother we both knew she wasn¡¯t. The reason for that was as obvious as it was disturbing. But for me to not play along would cause too much of a headache whenever that man, Dr. Oliver, finally left. He sat at the table, his greasy hair hanging over his face like it always did. The black sweater he wore was quite homely compared to what I¡¯d seen him in the last two times we¡¯d met, which unnerved me. Why was my arch enemy, this sleazy dirtball of a man, making himself at home here?
¡°Thanks mom. How was your day?¡±
¡°Oh, it was fantastic. I¡¯m almost done preparing dinner. Why don¡¯t you stay and chat with Ollie while you wait?¡±
It was a rare thing for Carla to offer me food that she had prepared. She¡¯s been pretending that I¡¯m a ghost since the divorce, so I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever had her cooking since then. My diet has consisted mostly of my own prepared meals or takeout, all funded by the allowance that man sends me every month. His own way of fulfilling his paternal obligations, no doubt. But in any case, I did not mind the current situation. It allowed me my own sense of freedom in numerous ways. Staying out as long as I wanted, eating whatever I wanted, and doing whatever I wanted. So long as I wasn¡¯t a drain on her life in any way, we peacefully co-existed while pretending that we both did not exist.
¡°Sure, mom.¡±
But in a situation like this, where Carla wanted to put on the act of a good parent in order to impress strangers, we had no choice but to get along. It¡¯s not like I had much of a choice when, now that I¡¯m 18, I could legally be kicked out with no recourse. It didn¡¯t matter anyway. It was probably better that I could speak to this man in person, especially with a neutral third party in the room. Thinking that, I took my glasses out of my backpack and turned them on after sliding them onto my face.
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¡°Hello Fraulein,¡± he said after sipping some tea from a porcelain cup. ¡°How was school today?¡±
¡°Oh, you know. Lots of learning, lots to learn.¡±
¡°I see. Well, you don¡¯t look very tired, so you seem to be handling it well.¡±
You don¡¯t look very tired.
Those were his words of choice. Cutting right to the heart of the matter, was he? I peered into his own face. Though there were some wrinkles here and there that showed the signs of his aging, for the most part he appeared rather well-rested. He must have trusted me not to hack him if he was getting enough sleep. Or perhaps he was using some kind of drugs to keep himself awake. Or maybe¡ he was lying to me about something related to the transfer of the powers. Either way, there was no point in thinking about it. This wasn¡¯t something that the internet could answer for me. There was no way to find out for certain without experimenting using Tristan
¡°I can¡¯t maintain my honors without being well-rested,¡± I said.
¡°Oh, an honor student. How diligent. Were you studying all this time?¡±
¡°No, I run the school¡¯s photography club. We stay back every day to work for the school¡¯s benefit. Stuff like taking ID photos, photographing and recording school games, and we even do Instagram shoots for students who are willing to pay.¡±
¡°Oh, splendid. You¡¯re quite the little work horse, aren¡¯t you?¡±
¡°Oh, you could tell?¡±
I continued to examine his expression. His cold smile hid his true feelings. Those dark eyes that looked over every inch of me, searching for any hint of a weakness that he could exploit. I had two more days of this ceasefire. Starting on Monday, I needed to be prepared for what he¡¯d do next. And so, looking for a weakness starting now wouldn¡¯t be a bad idea.
¡°So how did you two meet?¡± I asked, leaning forward playfully.
¡°Funny story,¡± he said. ¡°Turns out your mom went sleep-driving the other night.¡±
¡°Sleep¡ what?¡±
¡°Oh Ollie,¡± Carla said. ¡°You don¡¯t have to tell her about it.¡±
Of course, I knew exactly what he was talking about. But I needed to play dumb. Not to fool him, but mom herself.
¡°It¡¯s fine, hun. She should know about it. See, what happened was apparently, your mom went driving in the middle of the night, bought herself some beer, then drove back home, all in her sleep. It was strange. So strange in fact, that the police officer who she¡¯d talked to about it decided to consult me, a licensed psychiatrist, because he thought that she¡¯d lost it.¡±
¡°So, what was it?¡± I asked.
¡°Just some stress. It might even be related to you.¡±
¡°Related to me?¡±
¡°Yeah. She took your car, took your phone, and wore your glasses. I think everything about that night points to her having some subconscious feelings about you. To be honest,I think she¡¯s adorable for it, caring that much about her daughter.¡±
¡°Oh stop it,¡± Carla said, returning to her cooking.
¡°Ahem. Anyway, this is all to ask, do you think you could be a little kinder to your mom?¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
He was undoubtedly full of shit. A psychiatrist who brazenly breaks doctor-patient confidentiality in such an unapologetic manner was a sham, even without considering the professional boundaries concerning dating patients. What was his real job? What does Carla actually know about this man that she let into this house? And how did he manage to seduce her to the point where she wouldn¡¯t even question any of it?
¡°She says that you don¡¯t seem to appreciate her as much and that it¡¯s causing a strain on your relationship.¡±
And for her to lie like this.
¡°Oh, really? Sorry mom. I didn¡¯t know you felt that way.¡±
I lied through my teeth. If she was going to lie then I should too.
¡°No no Zoey, don¡¯t worry about it. I understand that the divorce has been rough.¡±
¡°Yeah, but that¡¯s no reason for me to take it out on you. I mean, if you¡¯re so stressed that you¡¯re sleep-driving to take a load off then it¡¯d be weird if I didn¡¯t feel responsible, right?¡±
She laughed. ¡°Yeah, I suppose you¡¯re right.¡±
It was a house of lies. Everyone in this room was taking turns lying to reach their own personal goals. Oliver, if that¡¯s even his real name, snaking his way into my life to get his hands on Dream Paralysis. Carla, lying about the state of our mother-daughter relationship with the hopes of impressing and perhaps even marrying Oliver. And I, who was trying to balance both of their lies at the same time despite being on neither of their sides at all. Yes, this is what human beings are. Every single relationship can be traced back to nuclear doctrine. It will always inevitably end up this way. Without some leverage, we can¡¯t trust other people to not ruin our own lives. This feels like home to me. It reminds me of when that man still lived with us.
After a short delay, we finally had dinner. Carla had prepared an appetizer of tomato soup, then followed it up with her old classic mustard pork chops and a side of zucchini rice. The meal reminded me of a time before high school, when that man would take me out bowling as a child. I wasn¡¯t fond of it, but Carla needed a break from having me in the house all the time, so I went through with it anyway. Then on the drive home, he would ask how it was. When I answered, it always felt like he wasn¡¯t truly listening. That he¡¯d only asked as a courtesy and couldn¡¯t care less how my day had gone. His responses were either bland or non-existent, and his eyes were squarely focused on whatever was in front of him. That¡¯s who my parents were.
¡°Well, I¡¯d better get going,¡± Oliver said, standing up from the table. The two of them had chatted for about fifteen minutes after dinner, but it seemed like that was about as much as he could stand to pretend to like Carla.
¡°Oh no, please. Stay the night. We won¡¯t mind your company.¡±
You mean you won¡¯t mind him sharing your bed, I thought.
¡°Apologies, I wish I could. I have a wedding to fly to in the morning so I can¡¯t stay. I would have quite loved to spend more time with you though, Carla.¡±
¡°Oh doctor¡¡±
The two of them shared a peck and a warm embrace before he broke it off and headed towards the door. I had thought that that would be the end of it, but he suddenly called out to me.
¡°Fraulein, do you mind moving your car? It seems to be in the way.¡±
¡°Oh, I¡¯ll get it.¡±
It was something I¡¯d done intentionally. If not for this, I doubted that I¡¯d get to talk to him without Carla¡¯s prying ears. I followed behind him as he picked his coat off the rack and left through the door. Moving the car didn¡¯t take much effort. There was enough space for four cars in the driveway. Two rows, two columns. His car was parked deep in the driveway, right next to Carla¡¯s. To block him, I merely parked ever so slightly diagonally so that he wouldn¡¯t be able to exit without my help. Fixing it was as simple as straightening out on Carla¡¯s side so that he could get past me.
¡°Thanks,¡± he said, smiling my way.
¡°What?¡±
¡°I was just thinking about how neither of us have tried linking with one another to steal the spirit.¡±
¡°Well, I did say I¡¯d give it to you after a week.¡±
¡°Yes, you did say that. But it does beg the question: what kind of person would just willingly hand over a power like this to someone they¡¯ve never met before?¡±
¡°It¡¯s too dangerous,¡± I said. ¡°You know far too much about it. I can¡¯t just openly antagonize you. The least I can do is use this week to have as much fun as I can, then relinquish it when my time is up.¡±
¡°And have you? Had fun with it, I mean.¡±
¡°It¡¯s been a mixed bag. I think that this weekend should be really fun, though.¡±
¡°This weekend? What¡¯s happening then?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. Just some high school stuff.¡±
¡°I see. Well, I won¡¯t get in your way with it so long as you don¡¯t reveal it to other people.¡±
¡°Trust me, I¡¯d be in big trouble if others found out.¡±
He laughed.
¡°Hey, what are you two talking about over there?¡±
Carla opened the door and looked out at us with barely disguised jealousy coloring her face.
¡°By the way,¡± he said, lifting his hand. ¡°I feel like I should mention that there¡¯s more to this power than you seem to be aware of.¡±
I furrowed my eyebrows.
¡°What do you mean?¡±
What was he about to do? I don¡¯t know, but I was on my guard. It was like he¡¯d suddenly pulled a gun out of his jacket and pointed it my way. What exactly was he going to do, and what could I do to counter it?
¡°Look over at her, not me.¡±
As he said the words, he snapped his fingers, and Carla, as if following a command, fell suddenly to her knees.
¡°Oh¡¡± she muttered. ¡°Doctor, doctor it happened again!¡±
¡°What¡?¡± I was flabbergasted. What was that? What did he just do?
¡°Ah, so you weren¡¯t aware of this?¡± His grin grew. ¡°If you¡¯re under the impression that I need to be asleep to link with you, then you¡¯re sadly mistaken.¡±
¡°Then¡¡±
¡°I¡¯m just letting you know what you¡¯ll have to deal with if you decide to antagonize me.¡±
He flashed me a cool smile, as if he¡¯d just gotten done telling me some good news, then slipped into his car and drove off. I ran over to Carla to see how she¡¯d been doing, but she nudged me off then went back inside. She had no interest in mending our relationship. But that suited me fine. Like I said, the freedom was better for me. The real issue is how I¡¯d deal with him after Monday. The realization that Dream Paralysis could be activated while awake was a nightmare for me. Not just because of him, but because of what Tristan could do if he ever figured it out.
Volume 2 Chapter 5 - VI
¡°Tristan! Someone¡¯s here to see you!¡±
The yell came at about 10am on Saturday. I had been wrestling with another world history paper when my dad suddenly called for me to head down to the sound of the knock on our front door. It must have been Zoey, I thought. It¡¯s not as if I¡¯d forgotten that she said she¡¯d be dropping by, but since things had changed, naively, I believed that she would¡¯ve gotten the message and stayed away. I saved my work and locked my computer before heading downstairs.
The doorbell rang a second time. She was being impatient. Did she suspect that I planned on avoiding her?
As I approached the door, however, I began to have my doubts as childish whispering spilled over from the other side. Girl scouts maybe? I haven¡¯t seen any in a long time though. I patted my pockets for money and realized that I had forgotten my wallet upstairs. I didn¡¯t plan on accompanying Zoey so it made sense, but I felt bad all of a sudden. I¡¯d just have to ask them to wait.
¡°Hey!¡± said the first girl as I opened the door.
¡°Hey!¡± said the second girl.
¡°Hey,¡± said the third girl.
¡°Fey! Energy! We practiced this! You said you were gonna get it right!¡± the first girl said.
¡°Sorry, I wasn¡¯t feeling it.¡±
The triplets, who couldn¡¯t have been older than eleven, looked back at me as I stared at them all in awe. The synchronized, pure white outfits and their almost perfectly identical demeanor was such a surreal experience. Well, their demeanors were almost perfectly identical. The third girl seemed to be doing her own thing as her downtrodden look contrasted completely with her two upbeat sisters.
¡°Um,¡± I said finally. ¡°Can I help you?¡±
¡°Yes!¡± said the first one, as all three stood at attention. ¡°I¡¯m May!¡±
¡°I¡¯m Kay!¡± said the second one.
¡°I¡¯m Fey,¡± said the third one.
¡°Fey! Energy, energy!¡± said Kay.
¡°Sorry, I¡¯m just not feeling it¡¡±
¡°Oh my gosh, he¡¯s not gonna listen to us now!¡± May said.
Why was this happening to me? All I did was open the door and I suddenly felt like a babysitter. I¡¯m terrible with kids, how am I supposed to deal with situations like this?
¡°If you guys don¡¯t need anything, then I¡¯m gonna close the door¡¡± I said.
¡°WAIT!¡± May spoke up. ¡°Here, we¡¯re having our monthly meeting in two weeks.¡±
She handed me a pamphlet and I accepted it without thinking.
¡°Order of Lady Irma¡?¡± These kids were cultists.
¡°We¡¯ll see you there!¡± said May.
¡°We¡¯ll see you there!¡± said Kay.
¡°Let¡¯s just go,¡± said Fey.
¡°¡±FEY!!¡±¡±
¡°Sorry about her,¡± said May. ¡°We want you to show up! It¡¯s gonna be really fun, okay?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh, right¡ yeah, sure.¡±
I stared down at the pamphlet. The Jacob Hill Concert Hall. Did they really make enough money to rent this place out for a monthly meeting? And would they even fill this place out? I didn¡¯t like it. The thought of going to something like that, no matter how prestigious, would make me feel like a gullible idiot.
When I looked up from the pamphlet, the triplets were gone without a trace, just as suddenly as they had appeared from behind the door. It¡¯s like I had dreamed them up. Or perhaps I had. It was possible that I was asleep and just imagining all of this.
¡°Ow.¡±
After pinching my cheek, I decided that I wasn¡¯t actually dreaming after all. What a strange turn of events this had been. Well, it wasn¡¯t Zoey at least so there¡¯s some silver lining to it. Or so I thought. As I shut the door and turned around, seated on the sofa in the living room as if she owned the place, was that very Zoey Brahm. Her hands resting on her folded legs as she looked over at me with her infamous smile. Her face was much clearer than it was yesterday. I imagined that she must have gotten some decent sleep since then. My father, who had called me over, was mowing the lawn so he wasn¡¯t around to insert himself as he had a week ago.
¡°How did you get inside?¡±
¡°I let myself in. The girls walking up after me was just a coincidence. Not that I¡¯m complaining, I enjoyed the show. Interesting choice in attire for our date, by the way.¡±
I looked down, and found myself still wearing the t-shirt and boxer-briefs combo I¡¯d gone to bed in. The realization that I had accidentally shown those three such clothing made me want to die inside. When I looked up, she was standing in front of me, and she snatched the pamphlet from my hand.
¡°Order of Lady Irma monthly meeting¡ how boring.¡± She crumpled up the pamphlet then tossed it back at me. I caught it reluctantly.
¡°I didn¡¯t think you were still coming,¡± I said.
¡°Of course I am. I wouldn¡¯t miss it for the world.¡±
¡°And what¡¯s the real reason? You mentioned a double date.¡±
I had been involved with her for long enough to figure out that pattern. Everything she did had some sort of ulterior motive or goal. This would never be as simple as just a date. She was planning something with whoever else we were going to meet.
¡°Yes, well.¡± She tucked her hair behind her ear. ¡°We¡¯re going to be going out with Laura and her boyfriend.¡±
¡°Laura...? Why have you been so interested in her?¡±
¡°That¡¯s a long story.¡±
¡°We¡¯ve got time.¡±
I was done being pushed around by her. She refused to elaborate on why she wanted me to hack Laura Young, but that was before. If she truly does need me, then she¡¯d need to keep me in the loop on whatever she¡¯s doing. And, with a relieved sigh, Zoey communicated that she understood the situation.
¡°It finally feels like you¡¯re seeing the real me.¡±
¡°Oh really?¡±
¡°It does. Whoever that girl it is that you were in love with all this time, she wasn¡¯t me. This is me.¡± She suddenly began circling me with deliberate steps, drawing her index finger along my shoulders. ¡°You caught a glimpse of it with Dream Paralysis, but you¡¯ve been looking away all this time, haven¡¯t you? You were too disillusioned to admit it. To admit that the girl you¡¯ve been obsessing over for all these years was such a cold thing.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°Yep. But now you¡¯ve finally seen and accepted the real me, and your world has crumbled to a million pieces. You don¡¯t know how to navigate the situation, so you¡¯re playing this weird game where you also try to act cold, but your obsession with me keeps you from cutting me off completely.¡±
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She was trying to get in my head. If I didn¡¯t know any better, I¡¯d think that she was the one who was capable of hacking others.
¡°In that case,¡± I said. ¡°I should just cut you off completely. There¡¯s no point in associating with you if my predicament is that dire.¡±
¡°No, there is.¡±
And as she said that, she hugged me from behind, just as she had when she pressured me into releasing the bees that day. I felt her slender arms wrapped around my body once again. I felt her firm breasts pressing against my back. I felt her breathing tickle my ear. Who knew that a hug from the devil could feel this much like heaven? And yet, this familiar sensation, the one that I¡¯d grown to associate with the evil deed I¡¯d committed that day, only fanned the flames of my hatred for Zoey Brahm.
Yes, I hated her. How could I not after everything she¡¯d done? But unfortunately, and she probably understood this better than I did, hate and lust are two entirely different things. Or are they? Perhaps they¡¯re the same. Perhaps my hate for her has only been compounded with the sexual desire I have for her. I¡¯m no psychiatrist, so I couldn¡¯t say for certain. The only thing I did know was that, in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to have my way with her.
¡°You feel it, don¡¯t you?¡± she asked.
There was no point in confirming what that ¡®it¡¯ was. She knew exactly what she was doing.
¡°Stop it, I¡¯m not going with you.¡±
¡°Why don¡¯t I watch you while you get dressed? Wouldn¡¯t that be fun?¡± I couldn¡¯t hold back the erection. The blood flow to my lower region betrayed my better senses. It was impossible. Even if she was the devil, she was still Zoey Brahm. The thought of having her eyes examine every inch of my body was still appealing to me. ¡°Sorry, that was a joke.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
She pulled herself away from me, then circled back to my front.
¡°What are you doing?¡± she asked.
Of course, since my erection had been poking an obvious mount into my shorts, I ended up turning away from her. The sudden turn must have looked odd to her.
¡°I¡¯m¡ going to get dressed.¡±
¡°Oh, sure. I¡¯ll just wait in the car then.¡±
She got me. I couldn¡¯t just say never mind after saying I¡¯d get dressed. My half-assed excuse had forced me into promising something that I didn¡¯t want to do. Did she plan this? No, of course not. This was just me being an idiot. She was just happy that I¡¯d be going with her. I¡¯m an idiot, I realized. Even if I promised it, she¡¯s such a manipulative person that it probably didn¡¯t matter if I changed my mind. She¡¯d find a way to guilt me into going. My dad was home, after all. There was no way of fighting my way out of it without explaining to him just how terrible Zoey Brahm was.
But I decided that it¡¯s fine. I¡¯d just do this one thing. That¡¯s all. Just this singular favor, and I¡¯d take control afterwards. I can¡¯t have these lustful thoughts of Zoey control me forever. I needed to put my foot down if I wanted to be free of her.
After getting dressed into something more presentable for a double date, I headed back down and met Zoey out at her car. Apparently, my dad had come out to mow the lawn, and he ended up stopping to talk to her about Radiohead since she¡¯d been listening to the song ¡®All I Need¡¯ through her car speaker while waiting for me.
¡°She¡¯s a keeper, son. Hold onto her tightly,¡± he said as he returned to his lawn.
Oh, if only you knew, dad. You poor, sweet, pitiful, naive soul, if only you knew. Even I don¡¯t truly know. What did Zoey want to do today? What cruel fate was Zoey about to bestow upon that poor couple? I didn¡¯t know. But as I strapped my seat belt on and looked over at Zoey, who was reversing out of our driveway, I felt a tsunami of unease blowing over me. Once we¡¯d taken off, she caught a glimpse of my expression then laughed.
¡°It¡¯s going to be a normal date, I promise,¡± she reassured me.
¡°What does that mean? Why are you doing it then?¡±
¡°Why? Well, the short version is that Lawrence is worried about who her boyfriend is, so we¡¯re going to vet him.¡±
¡°Lawrence? Why does he care?¡±
¡°I think he secretly wants to sleep with his sister.¡±
¡°What the hell?¡±
¡°Sorry, that was a joke. Though, I think Lance would¡¯ve appreciated that one,¡± she laughed. ¡°I don¡¯t know, he¡¯s just protective of her. She¡¯s a naive, trusting, God-fearing girl who hasn¡¯t so much as kissed a guy before. I think he¡¯s just worried that she¡¯s being taken advantage of.¡±
¡°Like, how?¡±
¡°Like he just wants to sleep with her then dump her when he¡¯s bored.¡±
¡°So, like exactly what he does?¡±
¡°Yep.¡±
We sat in silence for a minute or two as the words hung. This whole thing sounded like something Zoey was completely uninterested in. Checking on Laura¡¯s boyfriend? What does that have to do with anything? That¡¯s why she had me hack Laura? For Lawrence?
¡°So why are you doing it?¡±
¡°Because he threatened to tell everyone about me.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s horrible.¡±
¡°Try not to sound too excited,¡± she smiled. ¡°But yes, it¡¯s stupid. And the worst part is that it would hurt him too. But he doesn¡¯t seem to care. It¡¯s like protecting his sister is more important to him than his own reputation. I misjudged him, clearly. I thought that he only valued himself and basketball, but clearly, I¡¯d missed something else entirely.¡±
¡°Will we even find anything that¡¯ll put his mind at ease then?¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°Well, if he¡¯s paranoid now, even if you say that her boyfriend¡¯s a nice guy, then won¡¯t he just ask you to keep monitoring them indefinitely?¡±
¡°I¡¯m not going to do that.¡±
¡°What if he threatens you again?¡±
She didn¡¯t respond. It seemed like she had believed that this would all end after the date. That she would either find some dirt on him, or that he¡¯d believe her claim that everything was fine and leave her alone. But as someone who knows obsession, someone who¡¯s experienced Benjamin Otto first-hand, it never just ends at that. And since his leverage against her had worked, he probably would continue using it to get what he wanted.
¡°Then I suppose I¡¯ll have to convince him to leave it at that.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
I didn¡¯t bother asking how she planned on doing that. If there was one thing I learned about Zoey in these past few weeks, it¡¯s that she would drag you to the depths of hell to stop you from getting in her way. In any case, the car ride was mostly silent after that conversation until we arrived. Neither of us had anything to say to one another for the rest of the trip. Our relationship was strained, and for good reason. But I decided that we had to put on an act for those two. I was once again doing Zoey a favor, despite holding within myself deep resentment towards her. Was I truly capable of separating myself from her? It felt like I was just being thrown around by her like always. Is this really okay?
¡°Okay, let¡¯s go,¡± she said as she parked the car.
We were in the main open air parking lot of Deer Valley State. I had never been on campus before, so the experience was as nerve-wracking as it was refreshing. As I left the car, I was greeted immediately by the fall grass decorated by stone pathways that no doubt led to the different important areas on campus. And at the center of it all was a statue of some historical figure mounted on a horse that I didn¡¯t recognize.
¡°Who is that?¡± I asked, pointing at the statue.
¡°A politician,¡± she said before walking over to the benches near the statue.
¡°I see.¡±
I honestly thought it was some war general, but if Zoey said so then it must¡¯ve been true. It suddenly dawned on me after a few moments that he had an uncanny resemblance to the guy on the twenty-dollar bill. Was it really Andrew Jackson? He¡¯s a hero in Deer Valley so it wouldn¡¯t surprise me. I considered asking Zoey, but she didn¡¯t seem too interested in humoring my questions. Was she in a bad mood? It¡¯s not like I wanted to be there either, but I was at least trying to make the most of it.
With a sigh, I followed her to the seat. Our wait for Laura was relatively uneventful for the most part. The two of us sat quietly, her staring at her phone, and I, looking aimlessly at our surroundings. It was a gorgeous campus for such an out of the way town. I couldn¡¯t help but wonder what my life would be like once I started coming here.
I turned back to Zoey, who was zoned in on whatever it was she was staring at on her phone. It was different from the one she usually had. I would know, having used her old one multiple times while using Dream Paralysis.
¡°Did you get a new phone?¡± I asked.
¡°Hmm? Oh, no. This is the phone I use for the photography club. I don¡¯t give out my real number to everyone.¡±
¡°Oh, that makes sense.¡±
I¡¯d never seen that phone, but I guess it made sense to separate work from personal stuff. The dedication she had towards that club was coming under a new light now that I¡¯d changed my view on Zoey. It all seemed like some cheap trick to get everyone to like the version of herself that she broadcasts to everyone.
¡°Hey, mind sparin¡¯ me some change kind sir?¡±
A vaguely familiar voice called out to me from behind. Of course, I remembered who it was. It was the homeless guy from back when Gwen and I went to The Cage. His disheveled look, dirty clothes and distinctly pungent smell were still all as distinct as they were last week.
¡°Oh, you¡¯re the kid from the other day. Gwen¡¯s boyfriend.¡±
¡°Oh, hey. Uh, what was your name again? Was it Omar?¡±
¡°Nah, Omar¡¯s the kid I¡¯m takin¡¯ care of. Name¡¯s Sam. What¡¯s up with you though? You two timin¡¯ or somethin¡¯? Who¡¯s this new¡ oh it¡¯s you.¡±
His eyes narrowed when he realized who I¡¯d been sitting with.
¡°Oh, it¡¯s the crack fiend. Hello. Begging for more crumbs on campus this weekend?¡±
¡°It ain¡¯t for crack. I told you, I quit. I gotta take care of my boy Omar now.¡±
¡°If he¡¯s even real.¡±
¡°He is, your boyfriend here can attest to that. Shit, why¡¯d you go and leave sweet old Gwen for this uppity bitch, man?¡±
He scratched his head then walked off, displeased by the conversation. It seemed like their last talk had gone just about as well as this one.
¡°Why were you so mean to him?¡± I asked.
¡°What? An old guy begging college students to feed his drug addiction is cool to you?¡±
¡°Didn¡¯t you hear him? He¡¯s taking care of his kid.¡±
¡°You shouldn¡¯t believe everything people tell you. When someone has nothing to lose, they¡¯re capable of a number of things, and lying is very far down that list.¡±
¡°As opposed to you, who¡¯s capable of lying all the time.¡±
She giggled. ¡°Jaz is right, you are funny.¡±
She couldn¡¯t antagonize me even if she wanted to. Dream Paralysis is just that important to her. And even if she did, it would be the tipping point that she wouldn¡¯t be able to match in a conflict between us. All she could do was passively accept whatever I threw her way. In that sense, she¡¯s kind of pathetic. But that¡¯s exactly why I¡¯m going to be more assertive after this. She has nothing to chain me back anymore. From now on, we¡¯ll be playing this my way.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - I
It was my first time being close to Laura Young for such an extended period of time. The now two distinct impressions I had of her, the one born of hacking her and the one I formed by sitting near her, were essentially one and the same. That is, that she was an almost holy, soothing existence. Everything from her tone of voice, her choice of words, and her general demeanor was, contrary to her outward appearance, kind and earnest.
Today, she had been wearing a white graphic tee with waist-high tight, black denim jeans with holes cut into the legs. The biker jacket that didn¡¯t fall past her hips, along with the boots that were rolled over her jeans, were also a deep black, highlighting the gothic look that had become her style ever since she left high school.
¡°When Zoey and I hung out last week she waited for me under the Andrew Jackson statue too,¡± she said.
We were enjoying drinks and snacks at a fancy tea house that was located within walking distance of the campus. She was seated elegantly, sipping on her drink carefully without cracking so much as a smile. There was something refreshing about her indifferent demeanor. She didn¡¯t care about coming off as mean or cold-hearted, and I admired that honesty about her. It was relaxing to be around compared to Zoey¡¯s mask.
¡°Oh, well it¡¯s hard not to be a fan of him when you¡¯re from Deer Valley. He¡¯s kinda like the founder of this city in a lot of ways.¡± The response came from Jacob, Laura¡¯s boyfriend, who was snacking on the cookies we¡¯d gotten for the four of us. He was leaning forward, his shiny brown bangs slicked back to reveal the unblemished skin of his forehead. His choice of attire was simplistic compared to Laura¡¯s, wearing denim blue jeans along with a gray, fitted sweater that he rolled up his forearms. Yet, how could I deny the effort he¡¯d put into making such a simplistic look stand out?
¡°Really? Does that make me a fake resident if I think he¡¯s one of the worst presidents in US history then?¡± Zoey asked before taking a sip of her tea.
¡°One of the worst? Really?¡±
¡°Well, when you get past the obvious like Pierce, who strengthened slavery laws in the US, and Buchannan, whose incompetence basically led to the civil war, Jackson¡¯s policies, particularly those pertaining to native Americans, were uniquely awful as far as presidential legacies go. Let¡¯s not forget that both of those figures revered Andrew Jackson and took him as an inspiration for their own presidencies.¡±
¡°Sure, but you can¡¯t look at Jackson in that way. He was a product of his time. I mean, how could you hate the guy? He fought for America¡¯s freedom in the revolution as a young boy, then established himself as a legend after his deeds in the war of 1812. He was a national hero. The true embodiment of living out the American dream.¡±
¡°Who did he defeat in that war to become a national hero again?¡±
¡°A southern native force.¡±
¡°And you don¡¯t see the problem there?¡±
He smiled. ¡°It was a native force, sure. But it was one supplied with long rifles by the brits to create diversions to weaken and split America¡¯s army. Was he just supposed to roll over and let them walk over them because they were natives?¡±
¡°Sure, but I don¡¯t think the war radicalizing him to dislike natives helps his case, it just explains his motives.¡±
Jacob took a sip of his tea then looked over into the scenery through the window.
¡°Listen. You can shit all over Andrew Jackson¡¯s legacy all you want, but that doesn¡¯t matter. I love this place, and I¡¯m thankful to him for paving the grounds for us to make it our home. I¡¯m sad about the Indian removal act. It was an ethnic cleansing, there¡¯s no denying it. But it¡¯s more complicated than that. Because, truth be told, I don¡¯t know if I¡¯d rather be living anywhere else in the world than the version of Deer Valley that exists today.¡±
While I didn¡¯t follow all of the historical claims that had been thrown around, it seemed to me that Jacob was struggling with his love for this city, and the crimes that paved the way for its existence. It must be challenging to live like that. I like Deer Valley, but I don¡¯t share the strong bond that he seems to have with it.
¡°There is no good or evil in history,¡± Zoey said. ¡°No one wakes up in the morning and decides that they¡¯re going to dedicate their lives to evil. If the natives truly were savages and animals like Jackson believed, then his actions could have probably been justified in some way. The problem was that he was wrong, and his actions had grave consequences for the people he subjugated to his policies.¡±
Jacob seemed to take in what she was saying in good stride. Then, with a playful grin, he turned towards his girlfriend. ¡°Laura, your friend is¡¡±
¡°She¡¯s smart, right?¡±
¡°No one likes a smartass, though. You sure she doesn¡¯t get teased at school?¡±
Zoey sipped her tea with a cool expression. ¡°Everyone learns to love me eventually.¡±
He smiled. ¡°So who¡¯s your favorite president then? Lincoln? FDR?¡±
¡°Washington.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s a little ironic,¡± he said.
¡°Really? Tell me why.¡±
¡°Slave owner, war monger against the natives. It¡¯s everything you hate all rolled up into one neat little package.¡±
¡°That is true. And yet, rather than unilaterally cementing these ideas of his into the rules of this nation, he helped to create and uphold a constitution that allowed people to democratically reject the ideas that he himself espoused. And when it was time for him to leave office, he understood and respected the peaceful transfer of power and set a precedent that the republic should follow for the rest of its history. His presidency set the tone for the legacy of a nation of the people, by the people, for the people. That was his greatest achievement, and that¡¯s why the United States is the powerful, progressive nation that it is today, and why he¡¯s my favorite president.¡±
Zoey was using very flowered language. It reminded me of when she spoke to my father about upending the constitution. It seemed to me like she had some sort of fascination with America¡¯s founding documents.
¡°Okay, fair enough. But if you look back at history, wasn¡¯t he trying to restrict state rights? The constitution was almost essentially overly centralized in the hands of a few, him included. If it weren¡¯t for anti-federalists like, uhh¡ what was his name? The guy who helped to persuade James Madison and the convention to craft the bill of rights.¡±
¡°Patrick Henry?¡±
Jacob turned to Laura and grinned. ¡°Girl¡¯s an encyclopedia. Yes, him. I don¡¯t think Washington should take all the credit for it.¡±
¡°No, he shouldn¡¯t. But as far as presidents go, he set a great precedent for the future of the republic. Like you mentioned with Andrew Jackson, George Washington was a product of his time, and his political views reflected that. But in his actions, he chose to assist and embolden the creation a nation that could democratically reject his ideals because, the possibility that his ideals were wrong was entirely possible.¡±
My gaze wandered around as the two of them continued their confusing discussion surrounding U.S history. I¡¯ll be completely honest, I didn¡¯t have too much interest in this country¡¯s history as a school subject, much less a conversational topic, so my lack of knowledge was being challenged in numerous areas. My ability to follow the conversation was laughably sad. What I could tell, however, was that Zoey¡¯s knowledge of history had her talking circles around even college students on the subject. Was there anything she couldn¡¯t do, honestly?
As my gaze drifted, I found myself settling on Laura¡¯s dignified figure as she took another drink. She wore her hair in a French braid bun for her outing with us today. It couldn¡¯t have been easy to pull something like that off. Either she¡¯d had the hairstyle prepared for some other reason, or she was serious about looking presentable for her double date today. Maybe it was a good thing that I showed up after all. It would have been unfortunate to have gotten ready like that for nothing.
As I admired the twists and braiding of the locks of her dark hair, her eyes drifted towards me, and we made eye contact. Her gaze was powerful enough to cause me to shudder, and I immediately looked away in embarrassment.
¡°Tristan? What¡¯s wrong?¡± she asked.
The other two, who were discussing concepts of presidency and US history that were more effective than my melatonin, stopped the conversation to turn towards me.
¡°Huh? Oh, I was just admiring your hair. It, uhm, must have taken a while to get it done like that.¡±
¡°Ahhh, yeah. My roommate did this, actually. Her mom is a hairstylist, so she learned a lot about doing cute hairdos like this.¡±
¡°Really?¡±
¡°I¡¯m really glad my girlfriend has such a talented roommate,¡± Jacob said, gently rubbing her hair the way Zoey always rubbed mine. The display made it apparent that Zoey might have been the dominating figure in our supposed relationship.
¡°What about my hair, Tristan?¡± Zoey asked.
It was the same as it always was. She hadn¡¯t done anything new with it, but it was as beautiful as ever. Every strand glistening in the light of the midday sun that hung over her like a spotlight. Zoey truly was divine. Not many girls could hold a candle to Laura¡¯s beauty, but somehow, she was giving her a run for her money.
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
¡°You¡¯re like a painting come to life.¡±
I instinctively covered my mouth when I realized what I¡¯d just said out loud. The words just sprung out without me thinking about it. My ears were probably bright red from embarrassment.
¡°Well don¡¯t act shy after complimenting me like that,¡± Zoey said, flicking her hair proudly.
¡°Woah, you¡¯re good Tristan,¡± Jacob laughed. ¡°I¡¯ll have to keep on my toes around you.¡±
I laughed, ashamed at how obviously out of my social element I was with these two. Everyone here was so good looking and so sociable, and I was just¡ me. I was like an ugly duckling kicking my webbed feet around next to a flock of majestic swans. That wasn¡¯t the strange part though. The strange part was how the person who made me feel at ease wasn¡¯t Zoey, the girl who had been my drug of sanity for the past few years, but Laura.
¡°So Jacob,¡± Zoey interjected. ¡°Indulge us. How did the two of you meet exactly?¡±
There it was. Her interrogation was finally beginning. Jacob and Laura naturally had no idea that Lawrence had sent Zoey on this mission to find out if they were a good couple or not, but it was as clear as day now that I¡¯d been briefed on her goals and what she wanted to accomplish here.
¡°I think Laura should tell the story. It¡¯s way better from her point of view.¡±
¡°Oh, is it?¡± she asked, looking up curiously. ¡°Well, in my first year I worked on campus doing tutoring for subjects that I excelled at. It was a fun job because I got to meet lots of cool people with their own lives and stories. Probably one of the best jobs I¡¯ll ever have in my life. Then one day, he walks in. He¡¯s not there for tutoring, he¡¯s just keeping his friend company while he gets his work done. Anyways, after his friend leaves, he stays behind and says to me: ¡®you know guys only come here for tutoring because they¡¯re attracted to you, right?¡¯ Which came as a surprise to me because I was just so focused on making sure they understood what I was saying that I hadn¡¯t noticed.¡±
Jacob laughed. ¡°The tutoring room was really popular back then. Guys were lining up to get that personal time with Laura. They¡¯d talk about it all the time. Only, you were so intimidating that when you rejected them, they¡¯d never come back again.¡±
¡°Well, I didn¡¯t reject any of them intentionally. All I said was, ¡®I don¡¯t do tutoring outside of lab 212.¡¯ I didn¡¯t know that when they wanted to grab coffee they meant it like that.¡±
¡°She¡¯s the cutest, right?¡± he said. ¡°Keep going though. Tell them what happened next.¡±
¡°Sure. So, the next few weeks went by and I did my tutoring thing as always. Only, it got a little weird now that I realized that they were all only there to hit on me. My therapeutic hobby of meeting new people and helping them out with school stuff turned into a draining job where I had my energy sucked away by customers. I felt bad about it, but I also stopped having fun with it, which was unforunate because it was a really nice job until then. But I didn¡¯t quit. And the reason for that is because this nice person would show up every day during my hours and hand me candy.
¡°Every day he¡¯d come by, say hello and just hand me some new sweet snack he¡¯d found. One day it would be Skittles, then the next day he gave me a KitKat, but it was never the same candy twice. And to be honest, the fact that he cared enough to go out of his way to get me something nice every day made me feel special. Before I knew it, I started thinking about him all the time. Who was this mysterious guy who kept me company all those days? I guess I did know him. He¡¯s Jacob, he¡¯s also a first year at this school, he¡¯s a business major. But like, who is he really?
¡°I started finding myself thinking about him even when I wasn¡¯t at work. ¡®I wonder what Jacob would think of this. Oh, I should tell him about it. I wonder what he¡¯s up to this weekend.¡¯ Seeing him slowly became the highlight of my day. You don¡¯t know how amazing it feels to have someone that dedicated to you in your life until it actually happens. It wasn¡¯t a grand gesture like a bouquet or a diamond ring, but it was nice to have a treat to look forward to every day. But honestly, even those treats weren¡¯t enough to make me want to keep the job. So eventually I told him that I was going to quit when he stopped by. He asked if everything was okay, and I told him that I¡¯d miss his treats. Then, he asked me to visit the confectionery with him once work was done.¡±
¡°The¡ confectionery?¡± I couldn¡¯t hold back my surprise.
¡°Yeah. Our first date was at a confectionery.¡± She leaned on his shoulder. ¡°Our first date cemented the fact that we were joined together by sweets.¡±
Everything I knew about romance, which admittedly was very little, was thrown out the window. He gave her candy, talked to her, then asked her out to a confectionery? I feel like Lawrence, with his underhanded tricks or whatever would laugh this guy out of the room if he heard this story. And yet, Jacob managed to work his way into Laura¡¯s heart conventionally. I had to admit though, if it were between Lawrence¡¯s methods and this guys, I¡¯d prefer his every day. It seemed like he was genuinely interested in showing his dedication by visiting her every day. If that isn¡¯t a sign of true love, then I don¡¯t know what is.
¡°Would you have resented her if she rejected you after doing all of that?¡± Zoey asked.
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°Well, you dedicated a lot of time and money into making her happy. And I¡¯m assuming you always had the goal of asking her out in mind. I¡¯m just curious.¡±
¡°Hmmm.¡± Jacob pondered for a moment, staring at the clothed table before us, then looked back up at Zoey. ¡°I actually haven¡¯t really thought about it. I only did it because I liked the way her eyes sparkled when I gave her candy.¡±
He was way too damn good at this. If he wasn¡¯t being genuine, then romance truly is dead.
¡°That¡¯s sweet, you guys are perfect for each other,¡± Zoey said with a smile. Perhaps she sounded genuine to those two, but I knew what she really wanted to say: you two make me sick to my stomach.
¡°Thanks, though¡ Why were you surprised that we went to the confectionery, Tristan?¡± Laura asked me, sipping her tea.
¡°Huh? Well, I dunno. I guess I just have a very specific idea of what a first date is.¡±
¡°Oh! Sure, that makes sense. To be honest, I don¡¯t think there¡¯s bad places to go on a first date if you enjoy each other¡¯s company. Except for a movie date.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
I thought about asking Zoey out on a movie date multiple times throughout my high school career. It¡¯s embarrassing to be told that my fantasy with her was a terrible idea with such a straight face by a college student.
¡°Speaking of date idea, what else did you have planned for today anyway?¡± Laura asked, leaning in to look at Zoey.
¡°Hmmm. We could try bowling if you guys are up for it. There¡¯s an alley right down the street from here.¡±
¡°Oh, that sounds like fun. I haven¡¯t been there in years. Have you, Jacob?¡±
¡°Bowling? Yeah I think I went a couple months ago, but it¡¯s not like a frequent thing or anything.¡±
¡°What about you, Tristan?¡± Laura asked.
¡°Me? Uh, I¡¯ve never been bowling before.¡±
¡°Nice, that¡¯ll be fun. I¡¯m sure Zoey will have fun teaching you.¡±
¡°For sure. I just know we¡¯ll be a decent match for you two,¡± Zoey grinned.
¡°Oh that sounds like fun.¡± Jacob said, popping another cookie into his mouth. ¡°Let¡¯s make it a competition. Couple versus couple.¡±
When I heard the word competition, it dawned on me that coming on this date might have been a mistake after all.
¡°I¡¯m fine with it,¡± Laura said.
¡°So am I. What about you, Tristan?¡± Zoey turned to ask me, and the other two gazes followed suit. I felt that it was a little unfair to be put on the spot like this when I¡¯d never done it before, but I wasn¡¯t going to be the one to kill the mood.
¡°Sure, let¡¯s do it.¡±
¡°Cool,¡± Jacob said. ¡°You guys are cool; I like you two.¡±
I didn¡¯t know about Zoey, but I had the feeling that I¡¯d only be as cool as I could bowl, so his impression of me was about to take a sharp nosedive the second we got to the alley down the street. ¡°Say, we talked about ourselves, so I think it¡¯s only fair to flip the question, right? How¡¯d you two meet?¡±
Zoey and I looked at each other. I had no idea how she wanted to play this, but I was fine with following through on whatever she offered them.
¡°Why don¡¯t you tell them Tristan?¡± She smiled. ¡°How did we meet?¡±
Though, it seemed that she was fine with leaving it to me. ¡°Oh, sure¡¡±
¡°Ooh, exciting,¡± Laura said.
Zoey throwing all the responsibility of lying to them onto me was cold, but I should have expected it. The more time I spent with her, the more I became aware of those sadistic tendencies of hers. Throwing me to the wolves like this as if to punish me for ever daring to antagonize her. I suppose those small acts of rebellion were all she could hope for when she¡¯s still interested in Dream Paralysis.
¡°I guess the first time we met was at summer camp before our first year of high school.¡±
¡°You guess?¡± Jacob asked.
¡°Well, until recently I hadn¡¯t realized that we¡¯d met there. It¡¯s complicated.¡±
¡°Ooh, that¡¯s interesting. Come on, tell us more.¡±
¡°Uh, well¡ one night, I woke up in the middle of the forest. I can¡¯t remember how I¡¯d gotten there. I might have sleepwalked maybe, or perhaps I just passed out there during the day at some point. I don¡¯t recall the reason exactly. But anyway, upon waking up I was greeted by a¡ a bear.¡±
¡°A bear?¡±
¡°Yeah, a big, black bear. Taller than I was, staring down at me. Terrifying eyes and teeth just looking at me.¡±
¡°Oh no,¡± Laura said, clutching onto Jacob¡¯s sleeve.
¡°The next thing I knew, I was laying on the ground, half awake. Only the voices of the camp counselors keeping me up. But even their desperate attempts to keep me conscious felt like they were futile. I don¡¯t know what exactly it was that the bear did to me, but I felt like I must have been dying. My mind was going through this weird tunnel thing, like I was being transported to the afterlife or something. And then, I saw her.¡±
¡°Zoey?¡± Jacob asked.
¡°She was just sitting there, at my side. On the grass in the middle of the night as the counselors scrambled to perform first aid. And there wasn¡¯t a trace of panic on her face. It kinda felt like I had a guardian angel watching over me. Her strong expression almost beckoning me to stop acting as if I¡¯m going to die over something as trivial as a bear attack. And for some reason, that cold expression of hers comforted me. It helped me to take the situation, which had originally panicked me to death, in gentle stride.
¡°And the craziest part, is that until recently, I thought that this was a dream. I met Zoey again once I started high school, but I had no idea that she was the same girl from then. I mean, I was so in and out of consciousness that I thought I¡¯d dreamt her up this entire time. As it turns out, she was the one who found me and called the camp counselors in the first place.¡±
¡°Wow,¡± Laura said.
¡°I thought that I¡¯d fallen in love with Zoey at Deer Valley High, but that¡¯s completely mistaken. Because I was already in love with the girl who helped save my life that night.¡±
I felt her arm wrap around my head as she pulled me into hers. It was a loving embrace, or at least I¡¯m sure it appeared that way to those two.
¡°No kidding,¡± Jacob said. ¡°That sounds like the plot of a romance novel.¡±
¡°I was just surprised that he didn¡¯t remember,¡± Zoey said. ¡°I still savor the look of surprise I saw on his face when I told him the truth.¡±
¡°That must have been something. Wow, now I feel like our story was kind of plain in comparison,¡± he laughed.
¡°Really? I liked your story better,¡± Zoey said.
¡°Really?¡± he grinned. ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡±
¡°Hmm, I¡¯m not sure why exactly. Maybe because it¡¯s simple and sweet. I¡¯m not really one for melodrama, honestly.¡±
¡°Melodrama? Wow, you¡¯re hard on yourself.¡±
¡°It kind of is. A couple whose first meeting was a life-or-death situation is a bit much, right? Something sweet like sharing candy sounds like a dream to me.¡±
And just like that, without remorse, she trampled over it. That precious mental scenery of mine. She grinded her shoes over the floor, the walls, the tables, chairs, everything, in Zoey-like fashion. Without any respect for the feelings I¡¯ve held so closely to my heart for all of these years. And the worst part is, she was completely aware of it.
¡°Well, you know what they say. The grass is always greener and all that.¡± Jacob laughed.
I hated every second of pretending to be this perfect, loving couple. Oh, how much I wanted this to be our reality. A world where Zoey was a sweet girl capable of love, where the two of us started dating. Wouldn¡¯t that have been perfect? And here she was, acting it out for some couple she didn¡¯t give two shits about because the guy she manipulated into sending her dirt on other kids at school started blackmailing her.
What a disgusting person. I wanted to hurt her. For toying with people like this, for toying with ME like this. I wanted to put her in her place for thinking that she could just mess with people and suffer no repercussions. Her boldness irritated me to no end. And yet, as someone enslaved by social expectations, I couldn¡¯t uproot the lie. The confrontation was far too terrifying for me. So instead, I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held her closely. But the truth is, our relationship had already changed.
Whatever love I had held in my heart for Zoey Brahm was almost all but gone.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - II
It didn¡¯t take too long to realize that I had no natural aptitude for bowling. One foul and three gutter balls later, it was probably difficult for everyone to mask their disappointment in my play.
¡°You kinda suck, Trist.¡±
That is, everyone except Jacob. Though his comment was harsh, his aloofness made it difficult for me to take it personally.
I laughed nervously. ¡°Yeah, guess I¡¯m just not used to it yet.¡±
¡°Zoey, teach him properly. He¡¯s a guy, let him bowl with one hand.¡±
¡°He¡¯ll get it soon. Don¡¯t worry,¡± Zoey said.
For whatever reason, whether it was because the bowling ball was too heavy or because she simply preferred this style, Zoey bowled by using both hands to lunge the ball down the lane. I wasn¡¯t particularly familiar with bowling, but from what I did know of it, I had only ever seen people use one arm to roll the ball down. I couldn¡¯t fault her for her style though. Despite my terrible play so far, Zoey had already managed to land three strikes in a row, so our team was still crushing it versus their scores.
¡°Get a strike, Tristan!¡± Laura cheered with a neutral expression from the seating area.
¡°Hey, he¡¯s not on our team, don¡¯t cheer so hard.¡±
¡°I can¡¯t help it. I love an underdog story.¡±
¡°Underdog? Zoey scored a whole turkey in her first three frames. That¡¯s 60 points right off the bat. Three more of that and she¡¯s at 150.¡±
Laura tilted her head. ¡°You know, I never got how points were tallied in bowling. How does 60 points twice add up to 150?¡±
¡°It¡¯s kinda hard to explain without writing it down, but it has to do with how strikes are scored. When you get a strike, your next two scores are added to that frame¡¯s score. So for example, you get ten points from knocking down all ten pins on your strike. If you score a 9 and a 5 in your next two frames, then your strike is worth 24 points rather than just 10. When you add that to the actual 9 and 5 that you scored in the frames themselves, your total for all three frames is 38.¡±
¡°Okay, I get it. So do the strikes like, add up forever?¡±
¡°Kinda, yeah. If you get three strikes in a row, then your first strike is worth 10, plus your other two which adds up to 30. Your second strike is worth 10 plus the third strike, which is 20, and your third strike is just 10 since you haven¡¯t bowled your other frames yet. If she keeps bowling tens after the first three strikes, then they can add up to a maximum of 90. So, as you can imagine, if she gets three more strikes just how high the numbers can go.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s not good. If she keeps going like this then we won¡¯t be able to catch up.¡±
¡°Now you understand the situation we¡¯re in¡¡± he said, then turned back to me. ¡°Gutter out, Trist!¡±
¡°Perform moderately well, Tristan!¡± Laura said.
The two of them were not as supportive as I¡¯d have liked thanks to Zoey being way too good at the game. If it weren¡¯t for the fact that I legitimately did feel terrible about how badly I was playing, then I might have laughed them off. But I needed to focus. I didn¡¯t want Zoey to do all of the heavy lifting for our team.
¡°Don¡¯t mind them. Here, try this ball.¡±
She handed me a ball that was slightly heavier than the ones she¡¯d had me use previously.
¡°Will this help?¡±
¡°Well, your control is shaky with the light balls that I¡¯m using, so maybe something heavier might work for you.¡±
¡°Oh, maybe.¡± I felt the ball in my grasp. Certainly, I could see where she was going with it.
¡°Just visualize it. The score doesn¡¯t show it, but your other rolls weren¡¯t too bad for a beginner. You just need to believe in yourself.¡±
It was nice to hear that from Zoey. Having her in my corner in a moment of conflict was comforting in some way. But it didn¡¯t rid me of my unease towards her entirely. Despite her kind words, I was still wary of what was lurking beneath the surface. But there was no point in focusing on that now. I held the new bowling ball in my hand. Sure, it was heavier, but it felt like it¡¯d be much easier to be precise with this one. Holding onto it tightly as I kept it close to my chest, I began visualizing the straight line it would take to knock all ten pins down.
It felt like I was channeling all the energy inside of my body into the ball, yet at no point did it feel excessive. It was a calming, sensual experience to stand up at the lane and put my focus into the ball. It was so calming that the ball was already rolling towards the pins before I even realized it. The thundering hum of its resin body against the wooden lane was like a crowd doing a low chanting in anticipation for the outcome of my roll.
¡°Oh?¡± Jacob sounded surprised. It must have been a good thing, since the status quo up until then was a bunch of terrible gutter balls. And when it got to the end of the lane, I realized that it really was a good thing. The satisfying note of the ball connecting with the pins gave me a shot of dopamine that I so desperately needed. It was such a thrilling feeling that I suddenly understood why people enjoyed bowling in their free time. Knocking those pins down felt relieving.
¡°Six, not bad.¡± Zoey rubbed my head gently. It was a bit condescending of her, but I didn¡¯t hate it. The joy from finally knocking some pins down felt like riding a wave of ecstasy.
¡°Woo, go Tristan!¡± Laura cheered.
¡°Hey, we¡¯re not supposed to cheer for him.¡±
¡°You¡¯re happy for him too, though.¡±
¡°Yeah, but he doesn¡¯t have to know that.¡±
It was nice of the opposing couple to cheer for me, in their own way. I was obviously pretty bad at the game, so it was nice to know that it wasn¡¯t a big deal to anyone and that it wasn¡¯t ruining their fun.
However, my second part of the frame went about the same as the others. A gutter ball that killed any hint of momentum that was being built up. It didn¡¯t matter all that much though since we were pretty solidly in the lead now. Each player had played three out of ten frames at that point, and the scores looked like this:
Zoey: 60
Tristan: 6
Total: 66
Jacob: 24
Laura: 19
Total: 43
Even if you excluded my 6, we were still 17 points ahead of the opposing couple thanks to Zoey¡¯s three strikes. I was surprised at how skilled she was. She¡¯d never made any mention of bowling before, when did she get to practice getting to this level?
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¡°Okay, it¡¯s miss perfect¡¯s turn,¡± Jacob said. ¡°Take a hint from Tristan and try to gutter out here, yeah?¡±
¡°Not on your life,¡± Zoey smiled, picking the ball up from the rack.
She was focusing intensely, just as I had. You¡¯d think that she would be more casual about it since it was just a silly double date activity, but she seemed to be completely immersing herself in the act of bowling.
¡°Miss!¡±
The second she rolled the ball, Jacob called out as if to disrupt her concentration at the important moment.
¡°Jacob!¡± Laura pouted.
¡°Sorry, my bad.¡±
The ball rolled down the lane, spinning over toward the right then circling back down the middle when it got close as it always had, and then¡ she had her first miss. The ball had only knocked down eight of ten pins.
¡°Jacob, you cheated,¡± Laura said.
¡°My bad my bad,¡± he said, before looking over to examine the remaining pins. ¡°Oof, that¡¯s unlucky.¡±
The only two pins left standing were the seven and ten pins, the two pins in the back row that stood completely opposite from one another on the lane.
¡°Seven ten split,¡± he added.
¡°Is it that hard to make that shot?¡± I asked.
¡°Well it¡¯s pretty hard. I mean, there¡¯s no way for the ball to hit both pins, right?¡±
¡°Oh, you¡¯re right.¡±
¡°The way you do it is you have to somehow hit one pin so that it bounces into the other. But because both pins are so close to the gutter, it¡¯s not really possible to make the shot that way. The way people usually attempt it is by bowling the ball harder than usual so that, when it hits the pin, it smashes into the side wall then bounces over and hits the other pin.¡±
¡°But that¡¯s¡¡± I stopped.
¡°Yeah, it¡¯s all luck. Even pros don¡¯t usually make this split. It¡¯s not a big deal, though. Even hitting one pin in this situation is pretty good. A nine will still add a nice chunk of points to her strikes so there¡¯s no need to be upset.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t worry Tristan,¡± she said without turning around. ¡°I¡¯ll get them both.¡±
Zoey held the ball in her hands and breathed. If the shot was so impossible that even pros never landed it, then what was the point in trying so hard? But for some reason, seeing that side of her, not the one that acted so calm and cool about everything, but the side of her that was seriously trying her best at something, made her seem more human. She hurtled the ball down the lane with both hands, aiming for the right pin. There was a lot more force in this roll than her previous ones, so she must¡¯ve known what she was doing.
¡°Oh?¡±
The ball collided with the left side of the pin and bounced off the wall, then¡ missed. The pin flew off into the back rather than hurtling over to the left.
¡°Tch, I had it too.¡±
A rare display of frustration from Zoey. Who knew that she was such a competitive person?
¡°If you landed that then we¡¯d probably have to forfeit right away.¡± Jacob leaned back. ¡°Skill is one thing, but luck and skill together is just cheating.¡±
¡°Seems like luck isn¡¯t something I can achieve with just hard work.¡± Zoey took a seat in between myself and Jacob as Laura stood up for her turn.
¡°You¡¯re clearly not an amateur, Zoey. You might not have gotten the split spare, but you did everything right there. What leagues do you play in?¡±
¡°No leagues,¡± she smiled, looking on at Laura who was about to bowl. ¡°My dad taught me a long time ago.¡±
¡°Really? Was he a pro or something?¡±
¡°Nope. Him and his friends were in a league though. Sometimes he¡¯d bring me over to the alley since mom would work late nights.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s cool. So you grew up around bowling then?¡±
¡°You could say that. Oh, not bad.¡±
Laura had just landed the first strike out of the three of us who weren¡¯t Zoey.
¡°It¡¯s comeback season, Jake,¡± she said as the two of them high fived.
¡°Nice one babe. I¡¯ll try to catch us up too.¡±
They swapped places as Laura took her seat and Jacob went up to bowl. The two switched places, and Jacob also scored an 8/2 spare.
¡°Hey Zoey,¡± Laura asked. ¡°How come your ball always rolls to the right before it gets to the pins?¡±
¡°See, that¡¯s another reason I think you¡¯re league material,¡± Jacob said as he returned, then turned to Laura. ¡°That¡¯s called a hook shot. The idea is that you twist your wrist as you¡¯re bowling to give the ball a spin. That lets it curve to hit the pins from an angle that has a higher chance of knocking all the pins down than a regular straight. It¡¯s really hard though, takes a lot of practice.¡±
¡°It does take a lot of practice, but it¡¯s easier if you do it two-handed,¡± Zoey said.
Laura and Jacob were both in awe at how talented she seemed to be. But to me, it only seemed natural. Zoey is perfect, of course she could do something as simple as bowling with no problem. But a part of me hated that superficial guise of perfection, and how she used it to manipulate people.
Knowing how rotten she was on the inside was tainting the sight of her talent and skill for me. And knowing that these two were falling for that image made me despise them too. Perhaps I must have seen my own naivety in them. But in that case, I couldn¡¯t really blame them. I was even worse than them just a week ago.
In any case, the middle of the game was rather tense. We bowled a few more frames until we finally got to the tenth and final frame. Everyone except myself had bowled, and the scores looked like this:
Zoey: 210
Tristan: 38
Total: 248
Jacob: 137
Laura: 114
Total: 251
Despite my poor performance, the exceptional ability of Zoey meant that we were still within reach of victory. I needed to knock down four pins for us to win. If you looked at the scores, I had averaged about four pins per frame, so this should have been an easy victory. The issue is, it would only take one gutter ball to make this a difficult situation for me.
¡°Bomb out, Tristan!¡± Jacob yelled.
¡°Jake¡¡± Laura pouted again.
¡°Oh, alright,¡± He smiled. ¡°Good luck Tristan.¡±
I tried to ignore them as I stuck my fingers in the holes of the ball then lifted it out. There wasn¡¯t much pressure to win in the first place. This was just a fun date activity, so it didn¡¯t matter if I actually hit the pins or not. I just needed to do my best and have fun with it.
¡°Tristan.¡±
Zoey approached me from behind, her hands gently placed over my biceps.
¡°Ooh, spicy,¡± Jake said.
¡°Yeah,¡± I said, not turning away from the lane. ¡°I¡¯m gonna try my best.¡±
¡°I couldn¡¯t care less if you tried your best. Just knock the pins down.¡±
¡°What?¡± Her sudden change in demeanor had thrown me for a loop. She whispered the words into my ear like they were a threat. ¡°But I-¡±
¡°I don¡¯t want to hear it. Listen Tristan. If there¡¯s one thing I hate, it¡¯s losing. I played my heart out with everything I had to get us this far. If you can¡¯t do your part to knock down a measly four pins here, then my evaluation of you might just sink all the way down to the earth¡¯s core. Don¡¯t let me down.¡±
She let go of my arms then walked over to the seats.
¡°Little pep talk, huh?¡± Jacob said.
¡°Tristan¡¯s the kind of guy who works better with some encouragement,¡± she responded.
Encouragement my ass. Who cares about her evaluation of me, I wondered. I could have gone off and let her know what my evaluation of her was right then and there. The problem was that I had already fully committed to this date. There was something within me that didn¡¯t want to disappoint Laura on this outing. I couldn¡¯t put my finger on it, but it was genuinely how I felt. Was it because of what I felt when I hacked her? It was the first time in years that I had felt so at peace. Did I want to understand what that feeling was? I wondered for a moment, but I could only guess that it had to do with her upbringing.
Perhaps it was God?
Was that the answer?
I¡¯ve been seeking relief from death this entire time.
Was belief in God the thing that would save me from my woes? In a world where my angel Zoey had revealed herself to be the devil, would faith in God be my new reprieve from these tormenting thoughts of mine?
My gaze followed the visual path I had planned for the ball. Straight down the middle, into a beautiful strike. Whether it would follow that path or not was another story. The only certainty was that, at some point, it would reach the end. What scared me wasn¡¯t the end itself, but whether or not I would be satisfied with the outcome of that journey down the lane.
I took a deep breath. Then, with a running start, moving my arms the way Zoey taught me, I rolled the ball down the lane. The rumbling that came after the thud of the ball hitting the floor was like music that sought to drown out the sound of my beating heart. I felt as if it had been a good one. I was proud of my execution.
Unfortunately for me, however, the ball veered off to the left near the end and hit the gutter.
I¡¯m sure that, under normal circumstances, I might have been disappointed. I might have even let whatever the three people behind me were saying affect me. But my only focus in that moment was the ball I had just picked up from the rack. The residue of lane oil on the ball was like a sudden chill in my hands, a feeble attempt at pacifying the warmth of my determination. My gaze never left the ball. How would its story end? How would this frame end? How would my first bowling match end? The scene before the credits of this journey should have been tense enough to stop my breathing, but I was strangely calm.
I gave my slight running start and bowled again. This one felt even better. I was proud of myself. I had given it my best shot. No matter what the results were going to be, I was happy with what I had done given the hand I was dealt. And really, isn¡¯t that what matters the most?
I looked on as the ball rolled down with thunderous purpose towards the goal at the end of the lane. Trucking on with every ounce of energy that it could muster. And to everyone¡¯s surprise, the ball slammed into the pins right down the middle, knocking every single one of them down with a roar. The arm of the lane machine came down like the curtains of a final act, clearing out the stage of my intense victory. I raised my fist into the air with a smile, and stared right at Laura Young, whose eyes were sparkling with surprise at my one and only strike.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - III
The afternoon sun was casting its unobstructed rays our way when we left the bowling alley. Overall, the mood of our group was cheery as Laura and Jacob were in good spirits after having their bowling itch scratched. I was impressed at how well they handled losing, considering how close it ended up being. This is especially true in comparison to Zoey, who essentially threatened me when she could taste the bitterness of her own defeat. I understood that it might have been a little frustrating to play such a great game and lose anyway just because your teammate wasn¡¯t pulling his weight. I¡¯ve had experiences like that myself when playing Dota, after all. But this wasn¡¯t a game of Dota where I was forced to play with a bunch of strangers. It was just supposed to be a friendly date activity, right?
¡°So how was the tour last week anyway?¡± Jacob asked. ¡°Laura told me you two had a lot of fun.¡±
¡°Yes,¡± Zoey said. ¡°She was a fantastic host. Really, I¡¯m almost entirely sold at this point. I¡¯m thinking of studying political science here then pivoting to a law degree at Harvard.¡±
¡°Harvard? Do you have offers already?¡±
¡°No, but I¡¯ll get in,¡± she said, looking my way.
No doubt, she was planning on having me use my powers to worm her way into Harvard of all places. I could only offer an empty smile in response.
¡°Must be daunting to have such an ambitious girlfriend, huh Tristan?¡± Jacob said, smiling playfully.
¡°Oh, not at all. I love her for who she is, every part of her.¡±
I looked down at the ground as I said it. As much as I was disillusioned by Zoey and who she was, the truth is, I wished that I could have just enjoyed it as I was presenting it to them. She said it herself: we were dating now. The chance to enjoy a weekend with her like this should have been an unforgettable, life-changing experience. My head should be in the clouds, and my heart should be jumping for joy at every romantic moment we shared. But my anger at what she had done with Gwen still hadn¡¯t subsided.
¡°Hey, it¡¯s my church.¡± The three of us stopped as Laura turned to face the large building on our right. ¡°Do you all mind if I went in to pray for a little while?¡±
The girl had asked us with the same unreadable expression she always wore, leading me to wonder just how serious she was about it.
¡°Go ahead,¡± Jacob said. ¡°The three of us can chat while you do that.¡±
She nodded. ¡°Sorry about that, I¡¯ll be back in ten minutes.¡±
She hurried through the small gates up front before stopping to turn back to face us. After offering us a short wave, she retreated behind the grand oak doors of the towering, white church. For whatever reason, that religious building I ordinarily wouldn¡¯t have cast even a second glance at before had placed me in a state of awe. Churches to me felt like a bastion of architecture from the olden days in a town that was slowly becoming increasingly modernized. This antiquated church and its iconic spire, standing tall just a few minutes away from the campus that ushered Deer Valley into the future, was like the last stronghold standing against the constantly creeping urbanization of this city.
¡°You seem pretty interested in heading in too,¡± Zoey said to me.
¡°Huh? Oh, uh-¡±
¡°It¡¯s alright. You can go in. I¡¯ll just have Jacob keep me company outside.¡±
It seemed like she wanted some one-on-one time to try to determine whether or not he would be a threat to Laura. Though, whatever that could have meant I had no clue. Lawrence getting this involved in his sister¡¯s romantic affairs seemed like a bit much to me.
¡°Is that fine with you?¡± I asked Jacob.
¡°I don¡¯t see why not,¡± he said with a smile, shoving his hands in his pockets.
I nodded at the both of them and headed towards the church. The wafting scent of burning wax candles filled my nostrils as I took in my surroundings. The inside was filled with wooden benches where large congregations of worshippers were expected to be seated. The dim chandelier light that was spread throughout the nave was like a holy blessing sprinkling down on this place of worship. The stained-glass windows, while gorgeous, did not help to lighten the dim mood on the inside of the church. I felt like a foreign invader inside of this sacred place. I was a stowaway on a ship. A fraud. What did I know about God or worship? Why was I even here?
Then I heard the singing.
An angelic voice, as smooth and soft as fresh linen sheets. It was like smooth honey was being poured directly into my ears. If it weren¡¯t for the fact that the words were of praised aimed at God, I would have thought that I was being serenaded.
I turned to the source of the sound and caught some movement in my peripheral vision. There, I found Laura standing at a bench in the right column facing the altar. Her song was just winding down, but I wished that it wouldn¡¯t end. For just a moment, I felt like I had been transported to another world. Once she was done, I started towards her but almost tripped on the cushion near the floor of a bench. The sound of the resistance of the wood gave her turn to face me with the usual, nonchalant look on her face. But once she saw me, she gave me a small wave to come over to sit with her.
¡°Uh, hey. You¡¯re really good at singing.¡±
I offered her an empty compliment due to my nerves and found myself waddling over to her, before we both took a seat at the bench.
¡°Are you Catholic too?¡± she asked suddenly.
¡°Huh? Oh, no. I just felt like checking the church out¡¡±
¡°Oh, you¡¯re like Zoey then?¡± she asked.
Like Zoey? Did she mean a non-believer?
¡°I guess so, but¡¡±
¡°But?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯ve been having doubts about it lately.¡±
She turned away to look forward to the altar. I wasn¡¯t sure if she was really thinking or if she was just trying to be considerate of how vague my response was.
¡°Tell me about your doubts, Tristan,¡± she said finally.
¡°Uhm, are you sure? I¡¡±
¡°I¡¯m sure. You can tell me.¡±
If she was saying as much that confidently, then I saw no reason not to. After all, I knew that she wasn¡¯t the type of person to use things like that against others. But still, was opening up about myself that easy?
¡°So, about that thing I told you guys about earlier¡ about the forest.¡±
¡°With Zoey?¡±
I nodded. What I was about to say next wouldn¡¯t have come easily to me ordinarily, but in hindsight, I recognized that there were two things easing me forward. One was that I had already recounted some of this stuff with my psychiatrist, Dr. Santana, so I had broken the seal on being open about it already. The second was that, having hacked Laura before, my respect and trust for her was at a much higher level than it would have been had it been our true first outing together.
¡°I¡¯ve kinda been anxious about death ever since that day,,¡± I said. ¡±I¡¯ve uh, I¡¯ve had trouble sleeping. I have panic attacks almost every night. My body jolting awake from adrenaline every time I feel myself falling asleep. I¡¯m scared of dying. Like, really scared. I¡¯m scared of going through that tunnel again and just, you know, that being the end of my life.¡±
¡°Why?¡±
¡°Why? What do you mean why? Do you want to die or something?¡±
I thought I saw a smile tug at her lips, but it must have been my imagination. Laura Young doesn¡¯t smile, after all.
¡°That¡¯s not what I mean. Are you scared because you¡¯ll have regrets, or are you feeling guilty about something? I think a lot of people, especially older people, are surprisingly fine with dying after a while. They¡¯ve lived their lives already, had all the fun and excitement they could scrounge out of it, and so they end up waiting for their time to finally come to an end after a while. The people who fear death are usually people who still want something from life. I guess what I¡¯m asking is, what do you want from life?¡±
It was a question I wasn¡¯t prepared to answer. Up until that point, my head was filled with thoughts of nothing but getting through the school week, Dota 2, and a future with Zoey as my partner. With everything that was thrust on me with Dream Paralysis, I had no idea what I¡¯d truly wanted from my life anymore.
¡°I don¡¯t think I deserve to want anything more from life,¡± I said.
¡°Well, that¡¯s dark.¡±
¡°Sorry.¡±
¡°No, just¡ why?¡± she asked. ¡°Did you do something?¡±
¡°I have a lot to feel guilty over. I guess I¡¯m a sinner,¡± I said.
¡°We¡¯re all sinners, Tristan.¡±
¡°Not like me, though. These past few weeks have been¡ no. I¡¯ve been a monster. A demon.¡±
Her eyes didn¡¯t just examine me once I¡¯d uttered those words, they were eating me alive. It was the most Zoey-like thing I¡¯d seen her do. What did this girl, who was two years older than myself, who had much more experience with spirituality than I did, see that I didn¡¯t?
¡°Tristan, why are you carrying those heavy sins on your own?¡±
¡°Why? I don¡¯t¡¡±
¡°You¡¯re just one person. You don¡¯t need to suffer by your lonesome.¡±
¡°But¡ I can¡¯t talk about it with anyone.¡±
¡°You can. I¡¯m right here, and I¡¯m willing to listen. The question you should be asking is, do you actually want to talk about it?¡±
¡°I¡ I don¡¯t know if I can.¡±
She turned away and thought for a moment, then turned back to face me.
¡°Here, stand up.¡± She stood up, and I followed behind her. The two of us went to the large wooden structure, like a decorated box twice the size of a portable bathroom, seated near the end of the church. There were two entrances to this box, each covered by a purple piece of drapery that hung down like a curtain. ¡°Step inside, I¡¯ll hear you out.¡±
Somehow, it felt a little sacrilegious to listen to her instruction.
¡°Uh, is this allowed?¡±
¡°Never mind if it¡¯s allowed. Go inside. Take a seat.¡±
She was the expert on the rules of the church, so I didn¡¯t see the need to question her. I walked through the drape of the confessional and took a seat at the chair. Before me was a grate of gold that was connected to the other side of the box.
¡°Okay, you can speak,¡± she said.
¡°Uhm¡¡± The atmosphere inside of the box was eerie. Peering through the grate, I couldn¡¯t exactly see her too clearly on the other side, so it was almost as if I was alone in this wooden box. I supposed that in that sense, talking to her might have been easier than if I were staring at her face to face, but¡ ¡°I don¡¯t know¡¡±
¡°Tristan, there¡¯s something that¡¯s bothering you. I could see it the second I saw you sitting at that bench with Zoey. Now, I¡¯m not a priest. I can¡¯t hear your confession and ask the Lord to forgive you, but I can at least help you get whatever is bothering you off your chest.¡±
¡°Yeah but¡ you don¡¯t know me. Why would you even want to hear me out?¡±
She blinked. ¡°¡¯Why?¡± Because it¡¯s the right thing to do, obviously.¡±
And then, I suddenly remembered. Not remembered as I had all day, but I truly remembered. Laura Young was that kind of person. When she was a senior at Deer Valley High, I recalled her checking in on Lance when he was really upset over what I now understand to be his breakup with Naomi. He chased her off as he usually did with strangers, hurling foul and uncouth statements her way that would turn anyone away from him. But the fact that she showed so much concern for a stranger, and one that was as rambunctious as Lance at that, had made a lasting impression on me. No one ever had a bad thing to say about her. It was all praise for how kind and caring she was towards other people. She¡¯s almost exactly the kind of person Zoey¡¯s pretending to be. And if that were the case, wouldn¡¯t telling be okay?
¡°I spiked Ben¡¯s drink with melatonin supplements at the homecoming game.¡±
I blurted the words out without thinking. There was no turning back. She now knew the truth. If she wanted to, she could easily ruin my life by telling her brother, or Benjamin, or the principal, or anyone else she wanted to. But I trusted her. If she¡¯s the girl Zoey is pretending to be, then maybe I should be okay with talking to her about this.
¡°Go on,¡± she said.
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¡°I spiked his drink because I thought he¡¯d steal Zoey from me if he won the homecoming game. The two of them made a bet on it, so I... no, I didn¡¯t spike it myself. I had someone else do it. Someone who could get close to him without arousing any suspicion. It¡¯s a terrible thing but¡ I just couldn¡¯t stand the thought of Zoey being held by another person. Those feelings were like, it was like I was a different person. But was I really? Stupid, right? Why am I using reasoning like that to excuse the bad things I do? Even if I was angry or, or influenced, at the end of the day, it was my own actions that caused them to lose the game. It was my own actions that ruined Benjamin¡¯s dreams of playing college ball. Was he a jerk? Yeah, but¡ Did I really have to do that to him? That¡¯s the awful part about all of this. My terrible actions are making me feel sorry for someone who spent an entire week trying to wrong me and make me miserable over a girl who said herself that she would never love me. It¡¯s so fucking bullshit!¡±
I covered my mouth. I didn¡¯t mean to swear inside of the church, but the words just spilled out with my frustrations.
¡°No, it¡¯s fine. Keep going.¡±
I took a deep breath, staring down at my feet, then continued.
¡°The worst part is that I now finally see the real Zoey. I finally see her for the cold, callous, loveless monster that she is. The kind of person that can only talk to other people by bending and, and manipulating them to her will. Get this, right? That person I blackmailed into spiking Ben¡¯s drink? The real reason she did it was because she was in love with him just like I was in love with Zoey. She couldn¡¯t stand the idea that he would end up with someone else. We were alike. So alike that we ended up getting close after that. She understood the, like, the desperation that led to me blackmailing her into doing something so terrible, and she even forgave me for it. And, a week later, I forgave her for offering me up to Ben to get back in his good graces.
¡°We understood each other, and I started to think that, that I¡¯d finally made a new friend. Things were going so great, and I started to feel less lonely in my acceptance of Zoey¡¯s strange behavior. And yet, Zoey made me betray her. She knew that she, that Gwen was allergic to bees, and she locked her into a room and told me to release them from the jar just to scare her. This past week, all I¡¯ve done was think about how much better I could have handled it. I could have just not done it. I¡¯m a guy, I could have stayed away from Zoey and had Gwen run away. I could have removed it from the room. There were so many better things to do, and I¡¡±
¡°Do you think it¡¯s fair to use hindsight to beat yourself up over something like that?¡±
¡°Hah, just watch me.¡± My hands were shaking. I felt the regret tensing up in my face. ¡°I did it because Zoey told me to. That¡¯s all there was to it. She didn¡¯t want me to be friends with Gwen, so she made me do something that messed up to her so that she¡¯d hate me. And that¡¯s the girl I¡¯ve been in love with all this time. Zoey fucking Brahm.¡±
There was silence on the other side of the confessional. Was she pondering what to say, or was she waiting for me to continue? Or maybe she was just in shock? Either way, the eerie silence was too much for me to bear.
¡°Am I too sinful?¡± I asked finally.
¡°Oh, that¡¯s a good one.¡± A good one? Did she think it was a joke? Just what did I say that was so funny, exactly? ¡°Tristan, I already told you. Everyone sins. You need to think of it like falling over. Treat the wound, learn from your mistake, and you¡¯ll be fine. No one¡¯s perfect.¡±
¡°Yeah but what I did is like, really fucking bad Laura. I doubt you¡¯ve ever sinned like that before.¡±
¡°Maybe not quite like that. But I sin all the time too.¡±
¡°Yeah, but it¡¯s probably small stuff like¡ eating a piece of someone¡¯s candy or telling a little white lie.¡±
¡°Nope, it¡¯s way worse than that.¡±
¡°I somehow doubt it, but sure. Let¡¯s hear it.¡±
¡°I kissed Zoey last week.¡±
I blinked twice as a blank smile curled at my lips. ¡°You what?¡±
¡°It¡¯s funny. I hadn¡¯t kissed anyone before last week. I told Jacob that we should save all that stuff for marriage because of my values, which probably won¡¯t happen until we¡¯re both graduated with stable jobs. But Zoey somehow managed to push me into going against those same values in a single day. I was just curious, I suppose, and she took advantage of that. But still, a sin¡¯s a sin.¡±
While I half-listened to her explanation, I found myself trying to reconcile the contradiction within myself. If it were Ben confessing something like that to me, I¡¯d be blinded with anger and envy right now. But because it was Laura, because it was another attractive woman saying as much, somehow, I managed to stay completely calm.
¡°You don¡¯t resent her for it?¡± I asked.
¡°Not right now, no. I liked it, really. You two have probably kissed a lot so you know what I¡¯m talking about.¡± And suddenly, that anger and envy that had been so absent initially was welling up slowly inside of me. ¡°If kissing Jacob is even half as good as that was, then I¡¯d like to hurry up and get married right away, you know? But¡ while I don¡¯t resent her for it, I do kinda regret doing it. I regret betraying my faith, and I regret betraying Jacob. But even if I regret it, there¡¯s no point in projecting anger out towards Zoey, and there¡¯s no point in beating myself up over it. All I can do now is try to make things right with the person I¡¯ve wronged.¡±
Her remorse, coupled with her willingness to take responsibility allowed me to calm myself down again. I¡¯d apparently been clenching my fists tightly, because there was a tension in my fingers when I calmed down. It made me realize that I hadn¡¯t truly taken responsibility for what I¡¯d done to Gwen. Was I just placing all of the blame on Zoey this entire time?
¡°Have¡ have you told him yet?¡±
¡°I will, after this date. I came here today to pray for the strength to do it. To be honest, I expect that he¡¯ll leave me over it. It¡¯s already been difficult for him to abstain until marriage as is. I wouldn¡¯t blame him if that was the decision he came to. But, I really don¡¯t want him to.¡±
¡°I see¡¡±
¡°What about you?¡± Laura asked. ¡°You already seem disillusioned with her. Are you going to break up with her now that you¡¯ve heard this?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±
¡°Sounds like you have some soul searching to do.¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s just¡ complicated.¡±
She knew too much about Dream Paralysis. Like it or not, our fates are inexplicably tied. And with how little she cares about my or anyone else¡¯s feelings, she¡¯s probably going to do everything in her power to keep me in line with her now that my feelings for her are dwindling.
¡°It would be nice if I could change her,¡± I said. ¡°For the better.¡±
It might have been naive. Surely, someone like that can¡¯t be changed that easily. It¡¯s more likely that she¡¯d burn my life to the ground before anything resembling change happens to her. And yet, it¡¯s my only choice until high school¡¯s over and I can avoid her forever.
¡°If you change her, and you manage to live that life you imagined with her, do you think you¡¯d be able to die without regrets?¡±
Die without regrets? To be honest, I still don¡¯t believe that it¡¯s possible. Everyone has at least some regrets.
¡°After everything that¡¯s happened, I don¡¯t think I can live a life together with her anymore. I don¡¯t love her anymore. But I might give some thought to trying to help her out.¡±
There was no response. I sat in silence with the weight of my words on my shoulders. Now that I¡¯d said it out loud, it felt like I had finally accepted it. My love for Zoey Brahm was over. With this date, our romance would disappear with the wind. The feelings in my chest were raging uncomfortably, but I decided that I¡¯d have to sort them when I finally returned home.
¡°Hey, let¡¯s go Tristan. We need to head back outside.¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
The voice came from outside the curtains. I cast them aside and found her standing there looking down at her phone, almost as if she didn¡¯t just have a completely vulnerable heart-to-heart with me. Just what did the confessional do to her? Either way, I decided to follow her lead and made my way out of the box.
¡°Before we leave, uh¡¡± I said.
¡°Yeah?¡±
¡°I¡¯d like to try praying.¡±
¡°Praying?¡±
¡°Y-yeah, like¡ to God. How do I do it?¡±
¡°How?¡± She pondered for a moment. ¡°I dunno. Kneel at a bench, clasp your hands together, close your eyes, then talk to God.¡±
¡°Talk to Him?¡±
¡°Yeah. Tell Him how you feel, express your gratitude, ask for favors. Everyone¡¯s relationship with God is different, so how you talk to Him is up to you. I mean, whether He grants you anything is up to Him, but there¡¯s no harm in asking.¡±
¡°Uh, okay¡¡±
I made my way to a bench and placed my knees on the cushion at my feet. Praying to God. When she put it like that, I probably have prayed to God before. In fact, I pray to him every night. Wasn¡¯t I technically always asking some higher power to grant me some kind of future with Zoey? All I¡¯ve ever wanted is to be someone important to her, just as she was important to me. And while that prayer had been granted, I¡¯m starting to wish that I¡¯d spent those wishes on something else. I wish I never got to meet the real Zoey. I wish I could have just kept on admiring her from afar. But instead, we¡¯ve arrived here, at the future where I¡¯m important to her, and now I can¡¯t escape from her grasp.
I clasped my hands.
Dear God,
I only want one thing more than anything in the world right now. I want to know if Gwen is okay. I want to talk to her again, to know that she doesn¡¯t resent me for what I did. There¡¯s been a black hole in my stomach ever since it happened. I¡¯ve been sleeping worse than ever before.
I don¡¯t need much, just any sign that she¡¯s going to be okay. She was the only friend I¡¯ve made at school since Lance and Naomi, and I genuinely enjoyed the short time that I spent with her.
I don¡¯t know if You¡¯re real, but I¡¯m trying this on the off chance that You are. I don¡¯t know if I have a real relationship with You as of right now, and I wasn¡¯t raised as a Christian. But if You are real, then I¡¯m grateful that You led me to her on my journey of life so far.
Amen.
I stood up and looked over at Laura, who seemed to have been eyeing me the entire time.
¡°How do you feel?¡± she asked.
¡°I don¡¯t know, like I¡¯m hoping that there¡¯s going to be lots of gifts underneath the Christmas tree tomorrow.¡±
¡°Yeah, that sounds about right.¡± she said.
¡°Did I do it wrong then?¡±
¡°Not really, but you¡¯ll get better at it if you keep trying.¡±
¡°I see¡¡±
I wasn¡¯t sure if she was even a real Christian. She was so nonchalant about everything, from entering the confessional and the way she made me pray, that I started second-guessing her. But the one thing I couldn¡¯t second-guess was that she was a good person. The idea of a Christian in my head is a dogmatist who quotes bible passages in conversation and constantly tries to indoctrinate the people around themselves to turn their souls over to Jesus. And while she wasn¡¯t like that, she was so selfless and caring that I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if this was what all Christians were like. Maybe the snobby, self-righteous version of a Christian in my head was just a construct of my imagination? Regardless of what the truth of it was, I did have a newfound appreciation for Christians after speaking with her today. That holiness I felt when I¡¯d hacked her last week was genuine.
As the two of us made our way towards the exit, heading back to our own partners, I couldn¡¯t help but be angry at Zoey for trying to taint someone so sanctimonious with her filthy hands. I was angry, but more so overcome with sorrow for Laura and Jacob both. I didn¡¯t know him, but I¡¯m sure that he was better than whatever Zoey had planned for her by kissing her last week.
¡°So uh, is Jacob a good boyfriend?¡± I asked.
¡°A good boyfriend? What do you mean?¡±
¡°Like, I don¡¯t know. To be honest, I don¡¯t know what makes a good boyfriend.¡±
¡°Hmm. Well, he makes me happy. He¡¯s a huge romantic too. He¡¯s really good at the small things that a lot of people miss.
¡°The small things?¡±
¡°Yeah. For example, he always asks about some small detail that I talked to him about the last time we spoke. It feels like he¡¯s really paying attention to me. Jacob is so good at things like that.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
¡°Was that what you meant?¡± she asked.
¡°Yeah, I think so. That¡¯s good to hear.¡±
¡°By the way, I feel weird asking this, but¡¡±
¡°But?¡±
¡°Are you friends with Larry?¡±
¡°Larry?¡± I pondered for a moment. ¡°Uh, you mean Lawrence? I guess¡ we started talking recently. I don¡¯t know if we¡¯re friends yet, though.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s perfect then. Do you think you could keep an eye on him for me?¡±
¡°Keep an eye on him¡ how?¡±
I was suddenly getting the feeling that both siblings were obsessed with the other.
¡°Well, we haven¡¯t been close lately, and I¡¯m a little worried that he¡¯s falling in with the wrong crowd. I get that he¡¯s taking basketball seriously, but I¡¯ve heard¡ rumors about him.¡±
She must have been talking about his sexual escapades. No doubt, if she was even remotely connected to the school then she must¡¯ve heard something about it.
¡°Uh, I can ask him about it if that¡¯s what you¡¯re interested in. Those rumors aren¡¯t exactly a secret.¡±
¡°Really? That¡¯d mean a lot. Here, give me your number.¡±
Once we went through the double doors and found ourselves on the foyer, she handed me her phone and I input my number into the new contact page that she¡¯d had open. Once she took it back, she examined the phone and furrowed her brows.
¡°See, this is what I mean by romantic. You¡¯re supposed to add a cute emoji next to your name.¡±
¡°Oh, really? Like a heart?¡±
¡°No, not like a heart silly. That¡¯s too obvious. Like a sun emoji or something.¡±
¡°Okay, here. Give it to me.¡±
I took the phone back and readjusted the name, then handed the phone back to her. She looked down at the phone and immediately nodded.
¡°Okay yeah, this is good. Nice job.¡±
I added a bowling emote to immortalize my historic performance today. Now I¡¯ll be associated with being carried by Zoey forever. Speaking of Zoey, I looked over at the two of them since they¡¯d been waiting at the gate for a while. They didn¡¯t look to be very talkative from where I was standing, as they were both staring down at their phones. I imagine that either it hadn¡¯t gone well or their business was done.
¡°Oh, it¡¯s a Psyduck.¡±
I followed Laura¡¯s gaze, and found that she was looking up at the sky. There, I saw a cloud shaped like the Pokemon Psyduck.
¡°You do that too?¡± I asked.
¡°Do that? Call out cloud shapes? Yeah, I love Pokemon. Larry and I grew up playing it together.¡±
Suddenly, I wished that I had a sibling I could play video games with. But still, what are the odds that Laura played the same game of finding shapes of Pokemon in the clouds that Lance and I did? What are the odds? As I gazed upon her ponderous expression, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if I was mistaken for hastily choosing Zoey as my soulmate. Not that it mattered, since Laura already had a boyfriend.
¡°By the way, there¡¯s something else I didn¡¯t tell you about Zoey,¡± she said.
¡°What, did you guys do more than just kiss?¡±
¡°Oh yeah, I¡¯m sure Jacob would love to hear about that. No, but it happened around the same time. The truth is, I think she¡¯s being stalked.¡±
¡°What? That¡¯s a big deal. What happened? Has she called the police?¡±
¡°No, and she told me not to. It was some middle-aged guy. He followed her up to my dorm.¡±
¡°Middle-aged guy¡?¡±
It was concerning, but honestly it might have been her dad too. I hadn¡¯t heard much about what he was up to, but it¡¯s entirely possible that he¡¯s just trying to involve himself in her life again. It¡¯s unfortunate, but family matters like that probably aren¡¯t our concern.
¡°I wouldn¡¯t worry about it,¡± I said.
¡°You think so?¡±
¡°If it was really bad then she would¡¯ve called the cops, right?¡±
¡°Yeah, I guess¡¡±
The two of us stood in silence. I would probably have to ask her about it at some point, but to be honest, I couldn¡¯t be bothered to. Thinking about Zoey just made me upset. Instead, I¡¯d like to focus on thinking about Gwen and possibly making things up to her somehow.
¡°Can you keep everything I told you today a secret?¡± I asked her.
¡°Of course, only¡ If you don¡¯t mind me asking.¡±
¡°What is it?¡±
She was looking over at Jacob and Zoey, and waved at the two of them.
¡°If Zoey said that she would never love you, then why did she agree to date you?¡±
Because of Dream Paralysis, I almost said. The truth is, I could have just come out and told her about it in that moment. I felt free talking to her, more so than I had ever felt when talking to Zoey. But I couldn¡¯t do it. Because for some reason, talking about it would make it feel real, and I wanted nothing more than to pretend that I hadn¡¯t met an evil spirit just two weeks ago.
¡°I don¡¯t know. All I know is that that¡¯s what she told me. She said that she¡¯s aromantic or something. She has no love in her body. Not for me, her, friends, her parents, anyone.¡±
Laura paused. ¡°Tristan that¡¡±
¡°What?¡±
There was a look of confusion on her face, but whatever was puzzling her never made it¡¯s way out of her mouth. ¡°Nevermind. I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°Anyway, let¡¯s not keep them waiting anymore. She¡¯ll really chew me out if we don¡¯t get back,¡± I said, trying to change the topic, but the look on her face was beginning to bother me.
¡°She must really have you on a leash,¡± she said finally.
¡°Yeah, a leash. Man, this is excellent cathedral conversation.¡±
¡°He¡¯ll forgive us,¡± she said as the two of us returned to the gate where Zoey and Jacob were waiting. ¡°Sorry for the delay! Are we ready to go?¡±
¡°Sure are,¡± Jacob responded then wrapped his arm around her for a half hug.
I looked on at them in complete envy of what they had, then turned back to Zoey, who was pouting at me.
¡°What?¡± I asked.
She flicked her head in their direction, as silently asking where her hug was.
I looked over at Laura, who seemed to be eyeing me intently. Was she implying that I should engage in one of those small romantic gestures? Even though I told her how I felt about Zoey? Well, it¡¯s not like I was doing it for Zoey¡¯s praise, so there was no reason not to. I did spot a gorgeous flower the size of my palm in a bush next to the gate, so perhaps I could use that. Thinking that, I took a few steps to my right so that it was positioned behind me, then I gave her a hug. It wasn¡¯t a long hug or a passionate one, but it was just enough to communicate to the other two that we were kind of romantic. Unfortunately for me, it was long enough for me to become intoxicated by her usual cinnamon scent.
Once we separated, I picked the flower from behind me and placed it in her hair.
¡°Wow,¡± Laura gasped.
Jacob grinned.
It seemed like the two of them were impressed by that romantic gesture of mine. Fortunately for me though, neither of them could see Zoey¡¯s face from where they were standing. There I faced a stoic visage that carried a barely noticeable tinge of anger and disgust for my unnecessary action. This girl, who didn¡¯t have a single good bone in her body, looked like she wanted to toss that little flower of mine into the dirt as if to spit all over the attempt. But that suited me just fine. For the first time today, I felt like I had gotten one on Zoey Brahm.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - IV
That red devil¡¯s presence was still hanging over me two hours later. It was 6PM and we had finally gone our separate ways with the other couple after stopping at a pizzeria near the campus. For some reason, I had gotten a lot of flak for getting mine Hawaiian style since Zoey and Jacob both believed that pineapple on pizza was some type of cardinal sin. Thankfully, I had Laura there to defend me, so it wound up not being such a bad experience. I was becoming fond of her, and I think Zoey had realized it after we left the church together.
I had been riding in the passenger seat of her car for about five minutes until I finally decided to break the silence.
¡°Did you find out everything you wanted to?¡± I asked.
¡°Hmm? Oh, I suppose he¡¯s fine,¡± she said. ¡°I don¡¯t think Lawrence has anything to worry about. Jacob seems serious about marrying her.¡±
¡°Oh, that¡¯s good.¡±
It wasn¡¯t good.
Something about it rubbed me the wrong way, but I couldn¡¯t quite put my finger on it.
¡°You don¡¯t seem too relieved,¡± she said.
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°Oh, it¡¯s nothing.¡±
And now she seemed to be implying something, but I had no idea where she could have possibly been going with it. Still, none of this should concern me. I had done what was promised, and could now wash my hands of this girl¡¯s ploys once and for all.
¡°Are we good now then?¡± I asked, ¡°Are you going to stop bugging me with all this stuff?¡±
¡°Bugging you?¡±
¡°Yeah. I did what you wanted, so that means I don¡¯t owe you anything, right?¡±
For a moment, she went quiet. Her eyes were focused on the road, but there was a hint of something sinister brewing beneath the surface of that cool expression. Was she actually considering letting me be? Even with everything we¡¯ve shared with one another?
¡°Hey Tristan.¡±
¡°Uh, yeah?¡±
¡°Did you like Gwen?¡±
My heart skipped a beat. I nearly jumped out to deny it out of instinct.
¡°Like her?¡±
¡°Like, like like her.¡± She grinned.
When Lawrence asked me earlier in the week, I had denied it calmly because I hadn¡¯t explored those feelings of mine as of yet. But that was before everything that happened on Tuesday.
So how did I really feel? Did I like her? Well, obviously I thought she was cute once I got past the smoking and the swearing and the overall aggressiveness of her demeanor. She¡¯s relatable, funny, talented, and she was surprisingly introspective and open with me. It felt like I was forming an actual relationship with a girl my age when I hung out with her, much unlike whatever this skyscraper of lies and manipulation is that¡¯s been built up between myself and Zoey. Regardless of how I truly felt though, I didn¡¯t need to dignify her question with an answer.
¡°Why do you care?¡± I asked.
¡°What about Laura? Do you like her?¡±
¡°What are you getting at?¡±
¡°I¡¯m just asking about what¡¯s been showing on your face for the past week.¡±
¡°My face?¡±
¡°You¡¯re an open book, Tristan. You¡¯ve had no luck with women for your entire life and now suddenly you have options upon options littered at your feet and you have no idea how to handle it. Gwen, Laura, hell you¡¯ve probably even thought about Jaz too, right?¡±
¡°You don¡¯t know me.¡±
¡°You¡¯re right, I don¡¯t know you. I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re feeling. I don¡¯t have Dream Paralysis like you do, so I can¡¯t tell with certainty.¡± She went quiet as she took a right turn at a stop sign. ¡°But on the off chance that I¡¯m right, let me tell you something about girls. And this isn¡¯t whatever grotesque advice Lawrence is filling your head with. This is just how the human mind works. Ready? Here it is: A man¡¯s attractiveness to other women is infinitely higher when he¡¯s seen together with an attractive woman.¡±
¡°What are you talking about?¡± I asked.
¡°You don¡¯t get it? Here, I¡¯ll explain. For example, let¡¯s take you, an average guy with seemingly no redeeming qualities. Someone who at first glance has very little friends, no talents, and doesn¡¯t stand out in any conceivable way. Why is it then, that you¡¯re suddenly being showered in so much attention? Which of these qualities has made all these girls take such an interest in you, exactly? Is it that they¡¯ve just suddenly realized how charming and suave you are? Is that why Gwen¡¯s friends were okay with you being there for her birthday outing? No, it¡¯s because they want to know exactly what it is that I see in you. Why is it that Zoey, who hasn¡¯t dated anyone up until now, has suddenly chosen to take such a big interest in this guy? What is it about him that¡¯s so attractive to her? Think about your relationships with these girls. With Jazmine. With Gwen. With Laura. What was at the centerpiece of their fixation on you?¡±
¡°You¡¯re being spiteful right now.¡± I was frozen. I couldn¡¯t even look in her direction when I got the words out.
¡°Let me guess, you think I¡¯m saying this because I¡¯m jealous? Don¡¯t flatter yourself, Tristan. If you break it off with me, all those other options are going to fly out of the window along with me. You¡¯ll go back to being the normal, boring Tristan who hangs out with Lance all day, barely getting by his classes, then goes home to play video games with Cheeto-crusted fingers all night. Oh, well I guess that¡¯s not true. You could use your newfound powers to mess with some poor girl¡¯s head until she falls in love with you. There¡¯s always that. Though, I suppose you can¡¯t actually open up about those powers to any women, can you? You know how talkative people can be with important things like that. Who wouldn¡¯t want to brag about their boyfriend being some kind of comic book superhero? You should consider yourself lucky that I was the first person to find out about it. The second you tell another girl, whether it¡¯s Gwen or Jazmine or anyone else, it¡¯ll become common knowledge the very next day. That¡¯s the hard truth that you¡¯re faced with Tristan: Unless you feel like staying locked up in the Pentagon forever as a classified weapon of mass destruction, you¡¯re going to have to stick with me.¡±
This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.
¡°Are you saying¡ it¡¯s a choice between selling my soul to either strangers in suits or you?¡±
¡°I quite like our odds together, don¡¯t you?¡±
It felt like something in my brain had snapped. It was the first time she had been so openly hostile to me. There was no room for misinterpretation anymore. She was the girl of my dreams, but I would only ever be a gun to her. I thought I had accepted it, but for her to finally openly antagonize me like this¡
¡°Why are you like this?¡± I asked.
¡°Like what?¡±
I looked down.
¡°You¡¯re not supposed to be like this. It¡¯s not supposed to be like this...¡±
¡°Tell me what I¡¯m supposed to be like then, Tristan. Please, enlighten me.¡±
¡°Not like this, not like someone who talks about me like I¡¯m a worthless human being with as much emotion as a news person giving a weather forecast.¡±
¡°It kind of is, isn¡¯t it? Cloudy with a chance of heavy rain, and Tristan is a dull, boring person that no woman could ever love.¡±
I eyed the pale nape of her neck. It would¡¯ve been so easy to end her right then and there. I wondered how much Gwen¡¯s fantasized about this? With how much havoc this girl brought into her life, I can¡¯t believe that she wouldn¡¯t have thought about it even a few times.
¡°Well either way, you don¡¯t have to worry about being boring. Because as long as you have those powers, you¡¯ll always be special to me.¡±
The car came to a stop.
¡°You sound desperate, Zoey.¡±
¡°Do I, now?¡±
¡°Yeah, I¡¯m not gonna be led around by you anymore. Not after what you pulled with Gwen, and especially not when you don¡¯t care about me.¡±
¡°You¡¯re right Tristan. I don¡¯t care about you. But if you really do want me to start caring, then you¡¯re probably better off getting in line and continuing to use Dream Paralysis for my sake.¡±
¡°Use it for your sake? For what? What would you have me do tonight, exactly?¡±
¡°Tonight? Hmm, let¡¯s see. Why don¡¯t you try masturbating inside of Laura¡¯s body?¡±
I got out of the car. I had heard enough from her.
¡°What? Her muscle memory should take over, so I doubt you¡¯d need to know where the clitoris is.¡°
Her sense of humor was lost on me. She must have known the type of girl that Laura Young was. To bring her down to that level was just her way of getting on my nerves.
¡°You have no idea how terrifying this is, Zoey. You have no idea how it feels for your soul to get sucked into someone else¡¯s world, having your entire view of everything just change overnight. I had to sleep with a demon out of some kind of fucking Lovecraft story hovering over my bed for three nights in a row. And I have to do it all for what, for you? Someone who doesn¡¯t give a shit about me? Someone who wants me to use it for sexual pleasure?¡±
¡°You seemed to have no problems going through my underwear drawer. What changed?¡±
¡°That¡¯s¡¡± I turned away. She was right. If it weren¡¯t for my own hesitation, whether its moral hesitation or cowardice, the number of reprehensible acts I might have taken by now would be far greater than just a single act of masturbation. But the fact remains that I refuse to use that power for something like that.
¡°Fine, I understand,¡± she said. ¡°Give it to me then. Give it to me and we can both go our separate ways.¡±
¡°Even if I could, you¡¯re the last person I¡¯d ever give this power to.¡±
With just that parting, I made my way out of the car and walked through the empty driveway to my house. I was done talking to her.
¡°Tristan.¡±
¡°What?¡±
Spinning to face her, my mind was mesmerized by the image of her elbows hanging out of the car window, her arms crossed as she laid her chin down on the back of her hand. But what truly stood out to me was that same smile that had hypnotized me for the past three years.
¡°I¡¯ll see you on Monday.¡±
I turned away and walked into the house. Was Zoey capable of change? No matter how much I doubted the prospect, I couldn¡¯t say for certain that it was impossible. So, on the off chance that it is, I needed to set a firm boundary from her manipulation. She¡¯s a liar and a cheat. But still, surely there had to be a reason that her head was screwed up so badly, right? Was it her mom? Her dad? Something else? I didn¡¯t know. But either way, if I wanted to escape her grasp, then I needed to find it out. Or, at the very least, stall her until I graduated. At least then I¡¯d be able to move away from her. Somewhere far away like Hawaii or Europe or South America.
Once I closed the door, I slumped to the ground and felt the liquids pouring out of my ducts. I thought I had run out of tears to give that woman. Why? She¡¯s right, I didn¡¯t know her. We hadn¡¯t had a genuine conversation before until homecoming week. So why did it feel like my entire body was smashed to pieces? Was I just so hopelessly infatuated with her? I should have been over her, but I still didn¡¯t want to escape from her, I wanted to fix her. I wanted to hold her and cherish her like we were lovers.
My phone buzzed and my screen lit up. Was Zoey apologizing already? An apology that quickly couldn¡¯t have possibly been a genuine one, so I wasn¡¯t holding my breath for whatever it was.
¡°Oh¡¡±
But the name that showed up on the screen was like an arrow through the chest.
Gwen!
It was Gwen!
She had sent me a text message.
I looked away from the screen and gathered myself.
It was the first time I¡¯d really be hearing from her since the incident.
I was excited, but also terrified.
Terrified that my screen would encompass her words of admonishment and disdain for me.
But then I thought about Zoey¡¯s words.
About how her interest in me was the only thing that made me interesting to others.
It hurt to think that it might be true.
People probably did only find me interesting due to Zoey¡¯s association with me.
She was right about that.
Ben, Jaz, Gwen, Warren, Lawrence, Penny, Jacob, and Laura.
One way or another, all these interactions I¡¯ve had in the past month are due to my association with Zoey.
The only reason any of them are interested in me at all is probably because of her.
As much as I could call her jealous or whatever, she was right.
I looked down at the notification.
My relationship with Gwen was something I treasured a lot.
Did I love her? I don¡¯t know.
But I enjoyed her company.
Isn¡¯t that enough?
Who cares how I got my foot in the door?
I had fun with her, and I think she had fun with me too.
That¡¯s really all that matters in the end.
And if opening this text message was how I¡¯d get my closure, then no matter how scary it is, I decided that I would see it to the end
My finger finally tapped the notification.
I stared down hesitantly at the message, my hands shaking still.
¡°Oh.¡±
At first, I was silent.
What had I expected, exactly?
Some dramatic soliloquy on how my betrayal had hurt, maybe?
A request where she asks to talk to me later?
No, it was nothing like that.
All that was attached was a single file.
Tristan Screenplay.pdf
A smile stretched across my damp face. Come to think of it, she did promise to get this to me on Saturday. Had she been working on it all this time despite everything that had happened? Despite my betrayal, despite the trauma of her experience with Zoey, despite how hectic her transfer must have been?
Was it just something she¡¯d done out of obligation? Or did she really not resent me for what had happened back then? Either way, I decided to call her immediately so that I could apologize. However, after just two rings the line got cut, and I received another message.
I¡¯ll call you when I¡¯m ready to talk.
She still felt iffy about talking to me, then. It was understandable considering my proximity to Zoey and how traumatizing that must have been. The guilt I¡¯d been feeling still clung to me like burrs to my clothes. It felt like nothing would be enough to finally get rid of it all. But at the very least, I knew that she would be willing to talk eventually, and that was enough for me. I could go on knowing that much.
I tapped on the screen to open the script she¡¯d written, interested in its contents. My eyes scanned the lines, carefully considering not only the quality of the content, but also how I¡¯d end up bringing it to life on screen.
¡°Oh.¡±
Halfway into the reading, I quickly realized what she had intended with this script. A subliminal message, but it was there. She had casted the actors for this film a long time ago. I was a little jealous since I had been interested in it myself, but the perfection of the casting was undeniable. I decided then and there that this film had to be shot as soon as possible. Not just because it would be shown on Monday, but because the two actors needed to play their parts as soon as possible. Not for the club¡¯s sake, but for theirs.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - V
The next day, Lance drove me all the way from Deer Valley to Lake Irma, a journey that had taken us about 45 minutes. After reading the script, I decided that it would be best for the scene to be set before a gorgeous body of water. Was I inspired by the religious pamphlet I¡¯d received from the triplets the day before? It¡¯s entirely possible, but I couldn¡¯t deny how perfect of a setting it was.
The sun hung over our heads and lit the lake¡¯s turquoise blue body as we made our way over to the shore. The surrounding tall greenery along the edges of the lake disappeared near the edges of Deer Valley¡¯s famous mountains, leaving us with gorgeous flat land that spanned almost ten miles. The lake was a popular tourism destination for the city, so we wound up scouring for a corner along the coast that would end up being less populated for our scene.
¡°Hey Lance, look.¡± As we left the car, I held out a clapboard and closed it down in front of his face. ¡°Action!¡±
¡°Where¡¯d you get that?¡±
¡°Jaz gave it to me when she dropped me off at your place.¡±
¡°No cameras, just a clapboard.¡±
¡°Okay fine, she didn¡¯t give it to me. I took it for fun. But I couldn¡¯t help it, okay? This makes me feel like a real director.¡±
My eyes fell to the clapboard. I didn¡¯t think I was even worthy of doing something like this. I loved film from the bottom of my heart, but stuff like being on set and directing actors just felt like something a world away from me. To actually be granted the opportunity to do this was incredible.
¡°Okay, let¡¯s get this straight,¡± Lance said. ¡°You haven¡¯t told me who my co-star is, you haven¡¯t showed me the script yet, and Jaz and her cameras aren¡¯t even here yet.¡±
¡°Hey, she had to go pick the other actor up.¡±
¡°Oh man, I wouldn¡¯t have to put up with this if I were RDJ.¡±
¡°Everyone has to start somewhere,¡± I said.
¡°And why isn¡¯t Zoey here anyway? It¡¯s her club and her idea, is she really just going to dump it all on you and Jaz after all that?¡±
¡°She had plans today.¡±
¡°Yeah, nice girlfriend bro. Can¡¯t even make it to your directorial debut. Real winner you got there.¡±
¡°Yep, she¡¯s everything I¡¯ve ever wanted.¡±
The two of us walked along the shore of the lake silently to pass the time. The occasional boat and jet ski, along with the playful screams of children filled the atmosphere in between the sound of the trees rustling in the wind and the water washing against the shore. It was a new environment for me, who was stuck in that forest city of mine for most of my life. The last time I¡¯d been here was for a family lunch back when my grandfather was still alive. I must have been all but eight at the time.
He walked along the shore with me just like this, then he stopped to teach me how to skip rocks along the surface of the water. Small, flat, and smooth. Those were the best ones, he always told me. He seemed to play off my joy at discovering the little intricacies of this small game. He was a kind man, much like his son, my father. So, I wonder how it was that I ended up becoming such a rotten person?
¡°Hey Trist, I¡¯m sorry for not telling you about Naomi,¡± Lance said suddenly
¡°Oh, are you now?¡±
¡°Shut up, man. Do you know how much I had to swallow my pride to say that?¡±
¡°Yeah, must have felt like a lump of coal.¡±
¡°And you rubbed it in anyway. Prick.¡± He looked away with a hint of a laugh showing on his face. ¡°But seriously, I¡¯ll admit that I didn¡¯t respect you enough to let you in on it. Maybe it¡¯s because I felt better than you because I had a girlfriend and you didn¡¯t.¡±
¡°Oh, and I¡¯m the prick?¡± I picked a rock up and skipped it. I managed to get it to glide twice over the water before it finally sunk on the third attempt.
¡°Okay, okay. I¡¯m the bad guy. Fine, whatever. I admit it. But don¡¯t let my fuck ups be the reason you don¡¯t talk to me about your shit, man. Look at how Naomi and I ended up. She¡¯s talking to fucking Lawrence even though she KNOWS what kind of person he is, and it¡¯s driving me up a fucking wall. I should¡¯ve talked to you about it. I should have trusted you. Just, don¡¯t make the same mistake as me, okay? I¡¯m right here, man. Just talk to me about it.¡±
¡°I wish I could, Lance.¡±
No matter what I said to him, there¡¯d be no way to really communicate what stood at the heart of it without endangering him.
Dream Paralysis.
Even if I could trust him not to tell anyone, Zoey still wants it to be kept a secret. If I went and carelessly babbled about it, who knows what she¡¯d do next once she found out? That girl was capable of so much that I was terrified of getting on her bad side. Maybe she wouldn¡¯t harm me directly, but she could easily mess with Lance as she did with Gwen and Ben¡
No.
That feels like a convenient excuse.
The truth is, I could tell him about it if I really wanted to.
Maybe the real reason I won¡¯t tell him is because there¡¯s a part of me that¡¯s still holding onto the hope that I can save her from her loveless state. That, someday in the future, there¡¯ll be a time where Zoey and I can live happily together like in my dreams. And that, by opening up about her to Lance, I¡¯d be forced to confront just how messed up she is.
¡°Wait. Trist, what the hell man! Why is SHE here?¡±
I snapped out of it and found Jaz a couple of dozen feet away unpacking something from the trunk of the car she borrowed from her mom. To her left was Naomi Fraise, who I could tell had already been making an unpleasant face at the sight of her co-star who stood beside me.
¡°I don¡¯t think I want to do this, man,¡± he said.
¡°It¡¯s just one scene.¡±
¡°One scene? Just one scene? Dude the fucking ice cube scene in Do The Right Thing was ¡®one scene¡¯. Doesn¡¯t make it any less uncomfortable.¡±
¡°You watched that movie?¡±
¡°Yeah, Naomi made me.¡±
¡°What is that, 88? 89? I guess that¡¯s a couple years after Back to the Future.¡±
¡°I¡¯m no hypocrite,¡± he said while kicking a rock.
I looked over at Jaz, who had already grabbed the camera and was waving us over.
¡°We should go meet them,¡± I said.
Lance didn¡¯t respond at first. His gaze was fixed at his feet, hands in pockets, almost like he was a kid being forced to go say hello to adults he didn¡¯t care for. But eventually, he came to. ¡°Alright. But if this goes terribly then I¡¯m throwing you into the Lake.¡±
¡°Sure, if it makes you feel better.¡±
He smiled, and the two of us made our way over to Jaz¡¯s car.
¡°You were right, by the way,¡± I said.
¡°I always am dude,¡± he said with a grin. ¡°About what though?¡±
About Ben, I wanted to say. He had his issues, but perhaps demonizing him as I had wasn¡¯t the right way to look at it. Even if the romantic bridge connecting Ben and Gwen was beyond salvageable, there¡¯s no reason to think that he¡¯s a genuinely terrible person deep down. Perhaps there was something in there worth saving?
¡°Nothing, don¡¯t worry about it.¡±
He glanced over at me in disappointment, then sighed. ¡°Sure, guess I deserve that too.¡±
The two of us took our time walking in silence, simply taking in the nature away from Deer Valley for once.
¡°Uh, why is he here?¡± Naomi asked me the second Lance and I arrived. Their responses were so alike that it was a wonder that they¡¯d broken up at all.
¡°Why? Because I¡¯m obviously the star of this show. You¡¯re just my little sidekick,¡± Lance said.
¡°What? You¡¯ve seen the script then?¡±
¡°H-huh? Well, no but¡¡±
¡°You¡¯re just as clueless as I am then.¡±
¡°Yeah, sure. Fine. Whatever. Sorry you¡¯re in the movie with little old me and not athletic Lawrence or something.¡±
¡°Yeah, and I¡¯m sorry Jaz will be too busy holding the camera to play your little heroine role or whatever.¡±
¡°Dude, we¡¯re not like that.¡±
¡°Oh really?¡±
¡°Yes really. Jaz isn¡¯t into me. Unlike Lawrence who actually wants to fuck you.¡±
¡°What? No he doesn¡¯t.¡±
¡°Oh my God, you¡¯re an idiot.¡±
¡°No, you are.¡±
¡°Guys!¡± I interrupted. The two of them stopped their bickering to glance my way with angered expressions. I suddenly felt myself grow timid under their gazes, but I couldn¡¯t just stop since I already had their attention. ¡°Uh, as much as I¡¯d love to keep listening to this, we need to go shoot some establishing shots for the scene... Jaz, can you hand them the scripts?¡±
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
¡°You got it Tristy.¡±
She smiled as if she were ignoring the eruption going off around us and reached into the trunk once again. After retrieving two binders from the back, she handed them to the both of them.
¡°It¡¯s a short scene so you should be able to memorize it in an hour if you try hard enough.¡±
¡°Fuck man, there¡¯s no way I¡¯ll get all this,¡± Lance said.
¡°Really? Some star you are,¡± Naomi scoffed.
¡°Get bent, moron.¡±
I sighed. ¡°Whatever, we¡¯ll be back in an hour. Be in dress by then.¡±
Jaz and I left the two of them at the vehicle and began to make our way towards the lake, just as Lance and I had been before the girls arrived. It was like handing a bride off to her groom and before taking to the side so they could enjoy their time together. Only, as of right now the two of them absolutely despised one another.
¡°You know Tristy, you¡¯re kinda like a different person today.¡±
¡°I¡¯m like a different person every day.¡±
It¡¯s kind of true, since Dream Paralysis was influencing my personality so strongly these past few days. But I did find it strange that she said it today of all days, when I was entirely myself.
¡°Really? You usually feel like the same old Tristy to me.¡±
¡°Oh, really?¡±
¡°Yeah, but today you¡¯re different. You¡¯re kinda like, more assertive. You really want this movie to work, don¡¯t you? How come?¡±
¡°How come? Well, there¡¯s lots of reasons.¡±
My passion for film was bleeding through, naturally. I wanted to make something that I could be proud of. I might not be Sidney Lumet or Francis Ford Coppola, but I wanted nothing more than to create something that could express my love for the movies they¡¯ve made. Those feelings were partially what had been propelling my every action.
But I couldn¡¯t deny that my hopes that this project could be a way for Lance and Naomi to make up were also playing a role in my mood. The two of them were the only reason my life at school up until this point hadn¡¯t been a lonely slog. I needed them both. I wanted Lance to be happy, and I wanted Naomi to be around. To me, that would be the ideal way to close out my final year at school. If this film could help settle the pointless dispute they were having, then I¡¯d do my best to make it happen.
There was another thing too, the fact that this was Gwen¡¯s script. It was a remnant of a moment we shared together. Back in The Cage, where she spoke those beautiful words about her experiences with love. This was a chance to immortalize that moment. Her script, and my directing.
¡°So like, what is an establishing shot anyway?¡± Jaz asked.
¡°Huh? Oh. It¡¯s like, a shot that kinda shows the setting off to the audience. It¡¯s like those shots at the beginnings of scenes in shows and movies where it just shows the building they¡¯re in or something. It also helps let people know if it¡¯s like dawn, noon, evening or night.¡±
¡°Oh really? I guess I kinda just take those for granted when I watch stuff.¡± She used her right hand as a visor and glanced around the lake, then glanced up at the sky. ¡°Hey, do you think we should¡¯ve tried renting a drone? A shot over the lake could have been gorgeous.¡±
¡°I thought about it, but I think it¡¯s better if it feels like a student film.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°Hmm, it¡¯s hard to explain. I guess I just don¡¯t want it to feel too technical. I don¡¯t want the focus to be on the cool drone shots or the crazy transitions or anything like that. Simple is best, you know? I want the focus to be on the actors and the scene.¡±
¡°You say that, but I don¡¯t know how great their chemistry is going to be. Like, I read the scene you gave me, right? And while I think it¡¯s good, they¡¯d need to be REALLY into it to make this work.¡±
¡°Well, they¡¯d better make it work or they¡¯re both fired.¡±
¡°Doesn¡¯t this need to be done by tomorrow?¡±
¡°Then we¡¯re all fired.¡±
She sighed. ¡°Guess so. Do you think you can handle it then, Mr. Director?¡±
¡°All I can do is my best. Oh, try doing a close up of the water here.¡±
¡°Like right here?¡± She squatted in front of the lake water rising and falling against the stones on the shore.
¡°Yeah, just hold it above the water for about ten seconds like that.¡±
¡°Okay.¡±
She removed the lens cap and positioned the camera, adjusting the settings for a moment, then she recorded. For about ten seconds, we were completely quiet as she homed in on the shot.
¡°Ah damn, my reflection is in here,¡± she said.
¡°Oh, right. I guess you should angle it more then.¡±
¡°Hang on, let me try this.¡±
She positioned herself more to her right then aimed the camera left then re-recorded the shot. She didn¡¯t say anything, so it was probably safe to assume that there weren¡¯t any abnormalities in the shot this time. I took the moment to take in the scene before us. The light reflecting off the clear waters of Lake Irma. The shades of light on the surface of the water coloring the rocks beneath. The rise and fall of the water against the shore. A picturesque shot that would suit our purposes just right.
¡°Have you noticed that Zoey¡¯s been acting different lately?¡± she asked, as she began setting a tripod up on the shore.
¡°I think she¡¯s different every day too,¡± I said.
¡°Oh, do you, now?¡±
¡°Different clothes, different attitude, different words.¡±
¡°Not as much as this past week, though.¡±
¡°She hasn¡¯t been sleeping, apparently,¡± I said.
¡°Why?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±
¡°As in, she didn¡¯t tell you or you didn¡¯t ask?¡±
¡°Everyone has so many questions¡¡±
She stood up and stared my way. I could tell that she was thinking of the best way to phrase whatever it was that she wanted to say to me. It was a complicated look. One way or another, she was going to let me know about my transgressions.
¡°Look, Jaz. I¡¡±
¡°She¡¯s alone, Tristan.¡± Her voice stopped me in my tracks. ¡°She¡¯s always been alone. You know that.¡±
¡°I can¡¯t imagine why.¡±
¡°Tell me.¡±
I held my tongue. There was something different about Jaz today too. She was no longer the calm, soothing person I knew her to be. Maintaining her distance while easing me into her orbit. That¡¯s the kind of person she was in my mind. And yet this Jaz didn¡¯t care about something as delicate as that. It was as if she were a meteor hurdling towards me with her own selfish intentions.
¡°She¡¯s not the kind of person you think she is,¡± I said.
¡°Yeah?¡± She smiled. ¡°And what kind of person do I think she is?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, a good person? Kind, understanding...¡±
Jaz laughed. ¡°If I thought Zoey was a good person after all this time, then I¡¯d have to be the biggest idiot in the world.¡±
Of course not. Of course she didn¡¯t think that, how could I be so stupid? Jaz has known her far longer than she¡¯s known me. It would be a little ridiculous if Zoey managed to keep her mask on for that long.
¡°How¡ did you find out?¡± I asked.
She had finished mounting the camera on the tripod. The lens, which was pointed out at the lake, was being adjusted by her. After a few seconds, she rolled for the shot. I stayed quiet, allowing her to take in the natural sounds of the environment. I wanted her to answer me right that second, but we had a job to do. Once she was done, she waved for me to come over and she bent forward to stare at the shot. I walked over next to her and looked into the display.
¡°How¡¯s this?¡± Our shoulders touched as she asked for my opinion. We were both heavily clothed for the fall weather, but making contact with her in such a way did redden my face.
¡°Uhm, yeah. This looks good.¡±
¡°Good or great?¡±
She was leaning into me even more. If I didn¡¯t know any better, I¡¯d say she was doing it on purpose. No, even if she was, is what Zoey was saying true? Was she only interested in me because Zoey was? If so, then why should I care?
¡°Fantastic.¡± I pulled away from her and stood up straight.
She seemed to be wearing a curious expression on her face. ¡°Walk with me. Let¡¯s look for a shooting spot.¡±
¡°Sure¡¡±
The two of us began along the coast of the lake just as Lance and I had earlier once she removed the camera from the tripod. The way she wore her braids today seemed almost regal to me. Tied up at the top of her head and running down her shoulders and chest like a waterfall off a mountain¡¯s slope. Jazmine was beautiful, I couldn¡¯t deny it. It¡¯s just that, when standing next to someone like Zoey, it¡¯s a bit difficult for most people to truly notice it.
¡°Last year, we had a senior in the club who was madly in love with her.¡±
¡°Really?¡± I blurted it out without realizing.
¡°Yeah, do you remember Tanner? The computer nerd.¡±
¡°Tanner liked her?¡±
I remembered him. He was a bit on the nerdier side of things. Had a face like a pepperoni pizza, wore striped shirts and these small-framed glasses that did nothing to help everything else that was going on.
¡°Everyone liked her, Tristan. But he didn¡¯t just like her. He was madly in love with her. The keyword here, of course, is madly. I met him during an IT class. Apparently, he was interested in me at first. But when I told him I didn¡¯t see him the same way, he eventually asked me about the photography club. I thought it was because he hadn¡¯t given up on me, or maybe because he was genuinely interested in the subject, just like I was. We spoke about it a lot before he confessed to me, that¡¯s how I know. He seemed to really know his stuff. I mean the stuff he was saying, it¡¯s like he did nothing but study film and photography for his entire life. Maybe my interest in photography is why he¡¯d taken an interest in me in the first place. I learned a lot from just being in his presence. But that¡¯s what made Zoey stand out to him the way she did. It wasn¡¯t just that she was the most beautiful girl he¡¯d ever seen, it¡¯s that she was also a person who, unlike me, could actually match his expertise in the area.¡±
Tanner did strike me as a bit obsessive when it came to learning. He could sponge up information on any topic with no problem. I didn¡¯t know him that closely, but after he joined the photography club, he became infamous for wearing a Polaroid around his neck at all times.
¡°After he¡¯d joined the club, it was hard for any of the other three club members, myself included, to get much time to talk to Zoey about anything. Tanner was always at Zoey¡¯s side. Confiding in her. Asking questions about what to do next. Offering small favors for her like carrying her book bag. It was all so obvious that he was pining for her, and yet she never stopped him. She went along with his clumsy advances, never truly setting a boundary for him. He felt so free around her that he would vomit up whatever came to his mind when they were together. All his insecurities, the people he disliked or felt inferior to, the sad things that happened to him throughout the day. And Zoey, the soldier that she is, just kept on reassuring him. If it were me, I would throw him out without a second thought. It was draining just looking at them. How did she have the mental stamina to go along with any of it? Even the other club members had just about had it with him too. But none of us dared to cross Zoey. She WAS the photography club, after all.
¡°Then, one day, I happened to visit the club room on an off day because there was a photograph a friend of mine wanted early. I came in, and for some reason Tanner was there as well, just sitting at the computer. He must have had some business with the photos too, I thought. I walked up behind him and greeted him. ¡®Hey Tanner.¡¯ And then he turned around with this, petrified look on his face. He was like, shocked that I found him. I knew that face all too well. As someone with two younger siblings, it was the face of someone who just got caught doing something they weren¡¯t supposed to be doing. And then I looked up at the monitor and saw it. All those candid photos of the cheerleaders. Krista, Gwen, girls their senior, girls their junior. He had taken so many salacious photos of these girls, photos that couldn¡¯t have possibly been intended for anything but lustful reasons, that I could feel my stomach turning. He did it on our camera. On the photography club¡¯s camera.¡±
My hand was at my mouth before I realized it. I had no idea that a scandal like that had taken hold of the photography club. And worse yet, I know for a fact that Tanner had graduated without any troubles. So how? How did this not end up becoming a huge story?
¡°It was when I confronted Zoey about it that I finally realized how broken she was. ¡®Isn¡¯t that just his relationship with photography?¡¯ she said to me. I couldn¡¯t believe my ears. ¡®It¡¯s messed up,¡¯ I said. ¡®What if he took photos of you? How would you feel?¡¯ Could you believe that she actually laughed when I said that? Laughed, then looked up at me and said, ¡®If you¡¯re going to condemn him then you should condemn me, because I¡¯ve done far worse than what he¡¯s doing.¡¯ Then she turned away as if I weren¡¯t even worth looking at then said, ¡¯I¡¯m fond of Tanner, Jaz. He might be an ugly, rancid, unpleasant little creature, but he reminds me a lot of myself. Only someone as unlovable as him could ever come close to truly understanding me.¡¯¡±
I held my breath.
¡°Of course, Tanner eventually did get caught by someone. But Zoey cleaned it up. She condemned Tanner, but asked the person who figured it out, the boyfriend of this victim, to allow him to graduate by not telling the school about it. But in return, said boyfriend asked to speak to Tanner one-on-one. You remember it, right? That month that Tanner was absent from school.¡±
¡°Yeah, he broke his arm by falling down some stairs.¡±
¡°Yeah, a staircase called Benjamin Otto.¡± I held my breath, and she continued. ¡°That¡¯s who Zoey is. That¡¯s when I learned the truth about her. She¡¯s cold-blooded and heartless, and she¡¯ll do anything as long as she gets what she wants in the end. But she¡¯s still the only reason the photography club functions, so I can¡¯t fight her back. I want to, but I¡ I don¡¯t know. Maybe I¡¯m just a coward.¡±
Her eyes glanced over a restaurant that stood over the shores of the lake. ¡°Oh, wouldn¡¯t that place work? Let¡¯s go check it out!¡±
She hurried over to the mini staircase that led up to the seating area on the dock. My feet wouldn¡¯t move, however. I couldn¡¯t follow behind her. Ever since the name Benjamin Otto was uttered, I had been frozen in place. He was a ghost that continued to haunt me ever since that Saturday at the mall. And his meeting with Zoey, was because of this incident?
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - VI
¡°I¡¯m not doing this.¡±
Lance held his head in dismay as he leaned over the handrail of the restaurant¡¯s dock. The shadows cast by the roof were a shield of protection from the sun¡¯s fierce rays as he scanned the script for what might as well have been the hundredth time. He was resolute in his refusal, and I don¡¯t blame him. Acting out this kind of script given its contents and his partner must have been a daunting task considering everything that had happened between them in the past two weeks. He had been pouting like a child who refused to eat the plate of greens laying at his table.
¡°You say that, but you got all dressed up for the part,¡± Naomi said.
Sure enough, he was dressed up in the suit jacket I had him bring over from his wardrobe. If he didn¡¯t own one, we would¡¯ve had to have gone out and scoured for a mock jacket somewhere.
¡°Oh, shut up already. Why are you so gung-ho about this ridiculous script?¡±
¡°Maybe because I¡¯ll finally get you to be remorseful for once.¡± Naomi grinned. She was wearing a gorgeous wedding dress that Jaz had picked out for her. Where had she gotten it? I could only assume that it was a rental, and that she¡¯d asked Naomi for her measurements beforehand. Either way, it was far too gorgeous for something haphazardly put together in a day.
¡°No way. Hell no. I¡¯m not doing it. Why¡¯d you write this shit, Trist? I thought we were friends.¡±
¡°It¡¯s a good script,¡± Naomi said. ¡°The only issue is that it says ¡®fishes¡¯ at this part. The plural of fish is just fish, Tristan.¡±
¡°What? Is that true?¡± Lance asked.
¡°Uh, yeah. Everyone knows that.¡±
¡°I thought fishes was fine,¡± I said. ¡°Like that one line from The Godfather. ¡®Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.¡¯¡±
¡°Aren¡¯t they supposed to be Italian or something? That just means it¡¯s definitely wrong,¡± Lance said.
¡°Maybe both work? English is such a hard language¡¡± Naomi scratched her head. ¡°Either way, the script is great. You did a good job, Trist!¡±
¡°Uh, yeah thanks. But¡ I didn¡¯t write it.¡±
They both turned towards me in sync as if I¡¯d said something strange.
¡°Okay, I got permission!¡± Jazmine said, carrying a wineglass of grape juice in each hand as she returned from the interior of the restaurant. Her expression of joy morphed into one of confusion when she noticed the two of them staring my way. ¡°Wait, what¡¯s wrong? Did Tristan tell a funny joke again?¡±
¡°He said he didn¡¯t write the script,¡± Lance said.
¡°Hah! Classic Tristan, that¡¯s a good one.¡± She laughed, then glanced at our faces until she realized that no one else was laughing with her. ¡°Wait, what do you mean he didn¡¯t write it? He sent it to me himself.¡±
Lance shrugged. ¡°He said he didn¡¯t write it.¡±
¡°Tristan?¡± Now she was staring at me.
¡°I never said I wrote it,¡± I said.
¡°Wait, who wrote it then? Did you hire someone?¡± Naomi asked.
¡°No, Gwen offered to write it.¡±
¡°Gwen wrote this?!¡± Naomi looked down at the script again, inspecting it more intently. ¡°Wooooow, that¡¯s cool! She can really write, huh?¡±
Lance was quiet. It seemed like something was turning in his head, but for the first time, he was too speechless to let everyone else know about it. He merely ran his eyes over the words once again.
¡°Well, it doesn¡¯t matter who did or didn¡¯t write it,¡± Jaz said. ¡°It¡¯s a good script, so we¡¯re going to shoot it. Right, Lance?¡±
¡°Oh, fuck off.¡±
¡°What? You should be jumping for joy. You get a romantic scene like this with Naomi when she¡¯s all dolled-up like this.¡±
¡°Yeah,¡± Naomi said. ¡°You should be groveling, even.¡±
¡°The two of you teaming up is like, the worst thing ever.¡±
Jaz smiled. ¡°Okay, what now director?¡±
¡°Huh, oh.¡± I glanced at the three of them as all their eyes fell on me, hungry for instruction. Except for Lance, who appeared to just want to get it over with. ¡°Okay uh, we¡¯re going to get in position now. Naomi, you¡¯re going to be leaning over the handrail already with your drink. Lance is going to walk into the scene after we¡¯ve started filming like the script says. Jaz, I want the camera set up to my right. Yeah, right here.¡±
¡°Gotcha,¡± she said. ¡°Come take the grape juice, guys.¡±
Following their instructions, they both took a glass from Jaz and made their way to the designated spots as Jaz herself turned to set the tripod up off to the side. For some reason, it felt like my job was the least important one here. They were doing all the work here. Even the absent Gwen who wasn¡¯t even in the club did an entire script. All I had to my name was the silly clapper I made and a bunch of indecisive instructions.
¡°Aw man, fuck this.¡±
Well, there was one director-like thing for me to do. As Lance scratched his head in frustration, it was up to me to make sure that he could give a performance that would be worthy of all the hard work that everyone else was going to put in.
¡°Hey, Lance,¡± I said.
¡°Don¡¯t ¡®hey Lance¡¯ me. You did this to me. You could¡¯ve just made a cool action movie script. I could be James Bond or John Wick or some shit right now. Instead, I¡¯m doing¡ this.¡±
¡°And uh, what¡¯s wrong with this?¡±
¡°What do you mean what¡¯s wrong? It¡¯s fucking embarrassing. Hello? Listen to this line: ¡®You¡¯re still as young and beautiful as the sunflowers in that meadow.¡¯¡±
¡°What¡¯s wrong with it? Gwen¡¯s the one who wrote it, that means girls love stuff like that.¡±
¡°Sure, but why should I say something like this to Naomi while we¡¯re still fighting?¡±
¡°You wouldn¡¯t still be fighting if you just told her why you broke up in the first place.¡±
He looked like he wanted to argue, but he let out a sigh of resignation. I could tell that it was eating him apart to be stuck in this situation, but I couldn¡¯t very well just stop the filming, could I? The showing was tomorrow, and we needed something to edit tonight.
¡°You know,¡± I said. ¡°Naomi told Gwen and Lawrence about the first time you two met.¡±
¡°The first time we met?¡±
¡°Yeah, when you and I were talking about mutes.¡±
¡°Oh, right. Man, that brings me back.¡± He leaned against the handrail.
¡°She still loves you, even now. Even if she¡¯s talking to Lawrence or whatever, it¡¯s obvious to anyone who looks at her. All she wants is an excuse, anything at all, to run back to your side.¡±
¡°And you¡¯re saying I can¡¯t even find the strength to give her that excuse?¡±
¡°Why is that? Are you still scared? Of living like your parents.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, maybe¡¡± He sighed. ¡°It just feels like we¡¯ve been stuck in limbo like this for so long, that it¡¯d be awkward to just take her out of it suddenly.¡± He took a sip of the grape juice. ¡°I¡¯ve wasted too much time.¡±
This wasn¡¯t the Lance I wanted to see. Watching him hurt in his own uncertainty wasn¡¯t like him at all. I just wanted things to go back to the way they were before. I didn¡¯t like the heartache and the pain they were suffering through. It all seemed like nothing to me. Just tell her the truth and get back together again. But it wasn¡¯t so simple for him, was it? Life isn¡¯t like a movie, and people aren¡¯t characters that conveniently say the right things. There are convoluted feelings involved, and stuff gets lost in communication. Words can only convey so much about what a person is feeling.
¡°We¡¯re losers, Tristan. Born in the richest country in the world, into stable households with both parents, and access to every piece of information we could ever want with the microcomputers in our pockets. And yet all we do is fuck around and play video games in our free time.¡±
¡°You¡¯re too hard on yourself. Sometimes you also get high while playing video games.¡±
¡°And my parents love lighting scented candles when I do it.¡± He laughed. ¡°It¡¯s just hard to escape the fact that my life is just as boring and easy as theirs is. I¡¯m on autopilot every day and things always turn out fine. This thing with Naomi, this is the first time I¡¯ve ever had a real problem. The biggest conflict in my life isn¡¯t being conscripted to fight in some foreign country. I don¡¯t have some great injustice to battle and defeat. No great childhood trauma to overcome. All I have is this stupid feeling. This feeling that this life of mine will be this pointless and boring forever.¡±
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The breeze brushed past his bangs and caused them to glide across his forehead. The solemn look that was so unlike him hadn¡¯t even met my eyes. He was a defeated warrior staring down in shame. The futility of life was getting down on him as well in his own way. We¡¯re pretty similar, aren¡¯t we? Perhaps that¡¯s why we never drifted away from one another.
¡°Look over there.¡± My words led him to turn to face Naomi. The gorgeous white dress she was wearing as she leaned back against the rails, hair flowing down for once instead of tied into a ponytail, chatting with Jaz who was still setting the camera up. ¡°If you really think a life with her is going to be boring, if you let her get away without fighting, then you have no idea what boring or fun really are.¡±
¡°Neither do you. You¡¯re dating boring-ass Zoey.¡±
¡°I¡¯d trade a hundred Zoeys for someone like Naomi.¡±
¡°Wait, huh? Where¡¯d that come from?¡±
¡°Nowhere, why?¡±
¡°Nowhere? Don¡¯t nowhere me, do you like Naomi or something?¡±
¡°No, that¡¯s not what I¡ actually, you know what? Yeah, I like her. So fix it. Do this scene and make up with her or forget Lawrence, I¡¯ll take her from you myself.¡±
¡°What the hell, man? What kind of backstabbing shit is that? I thought we were friends.¡±
¡°We are,¡± I said. ¡°So don¡¯t make a backstabber out of me.¡±
I didn¡¯t know if I meant it or not. I would feel awful doing something like that to Lance. But what¡¯s important was that he felt motivated to do this. A fire like that should help him take the steps forward. Maybe the pressure would be too much. Maybe he¡¯d self-destruct because of my ¡®help¡¯. But he needed a push, and that was the only way I could think of helping.
¡°Okay, we¡¯re all set up over here!¡± Jaz said.
I patted him on the back.
¡°Fix it.¡±
He didn¡¯t respond. But it didn¡¯t matter. Things were going to be resolved, I knew it. Even if I don¡¯t make a move on her myself, Lawrence would definitely keep trying to steal her away. And only God knows if she¡¯d be able to withstand him for long. I didn¡¯t know if Lance truly understood this. He probably thought that Naomi would be his forever. That¡¯s why my threat was necessary. He needed another excuse to make himself uncomfortable in order to fight for her.
¡°Hey, uh... can we talk for a sec?¡± Lance suddenly asked after approaching Naomi.
¡°What, now? Can¡¯t it wait?¡± Jaz asked.
¡°No, it can¡¯t. I¡¯m not doing this scene unless we talk.¡±
Naomi¡¯s eyes went wide, and Jaz only looked at him with a curious gaze, before resigning with a shrug.
¡°Well, you heard ¡®im,¡± Jaz said, removing the camera from the tripod and placing the strap over her shoulders. ¡°Come on Tristy. Let¡¯s go outside until they¡¯re done.¡±
¡°What? Do I have to?¡±
I thought I¡¯d have someone on my side, but all three of them just stared my way as if my presence was nothing but an intrusion. I know I was the one who suggested that they make up, but I thought I¡¯d be able to watch over them. As it turns out, I¡¯m still just as much of a third wheel as I was before.
¡°Whatever, let¡¯s go look at the water again.¡±
There was no point in fighting it. I sighed and accompanied the girl before me until we were once again at the steps of the restaurant¡¯s docks.
¡°Sounds like you talked him into getting serious,¡± Jaz said, taking her shoes off.
¡°Yeah.¡±
I didn¡¯t know how this would turn out, but I hoped that things would wrap up right then and there. The two of them were talking near the sea on the rails of the dock with serious looks on their face.
¡°So,¡± Jaz said with a grin. ¡°You¡¯re Mr. Popular now or what?¡±
¡°Huh?¡±
¡°Dating Zoey, close friends with Gwen and Naomi.¡±
¡°I wouldn¡¯t say I¡¯m close with Gwen¡¡±
¡°No?¡± she asked, stepping into the shallow end of the lake. ¡°You were just invited to her birthday, and she also wrote the script for your movie. Acquaintances then?¡±
¡°No.¡±
She turned to face me, her feet making a swishing sound in the water as she showed me a concerned look. ¡°Is she the girl who didn¡¯t answer your call the other day?¡±
I didn¡¯t respond. How foolish. Why would I deny all her other questions if I wasn¡¯t willing to deny the truth?
¡°Did something happen between the two of you?¡±
¡°I¡ don¡¯t really want to talk about it.¡±
She peered my way, as if wondering if she really should keep asking about it.
¡°Did¡ Zoey do something again?¡±
¡°Listen¡¡±
¡°Tristan, I just want to know if-¡°
¡°What, if I¡¯m going to be another Tanner?¡± My outburst caused her to hold her breath. ¡°That¡¯s why you stuck with me, isn¡¯t it? Back when Ben was looking for me. You regretted not doing anything to protect him from Zoey, and now you¡¯re stuck looking out for me because of your guilt from back then.¡±
I hated that I was starting to believe Zoey. Were all of these people really only interested in me because of my association with her? No matter how I looked at it, that seemed to be the only conclusion that made any sense. If so, then what was the point?
¡°You don¡¯t actually care for me, do you Jaz?¡±
¡°Tristy, I-¡°
¡°No, I¡¯m sorry.¡± I looked down at my shoes. ¡° I shouldn¡¯t be lashing out at you like this. I¡¯m just¡ kind of disappointed. I thought you actually might have liked me. I thought that you thought I was cool or funny or whatever.¡±
¡°You are.¡±
¡°How?¡±
¡°Anyone who dedicates themselves to their love like you do is cool in my book.¡±
¡°Love, right.¡± I grinned sardonically, then took a seat on the stony shore. ¡°I don¡¯t think I have any love for Zoey anymore. I honestly don¡¯t even think I ever had any love for her.¡±
¡°I see.¡± She walked over towards me then sat next to me. ¡°For what it¡¯s worth, I really did think you would be the one to change her.¡±
¡°Me?¡±
It was strange. Laura also said that I might be able to change her yesterday. And here was Jazmine, reaffirming it without any outside force steering her towards that conclusion.
¡°Yes, you. Tanner and Benjamin, they¡¯re like two sides of the same coin. They¡¯re both obsessive people to a fault. Their obsession made it so they couldn¡¯t see who the girl in front of them really was. They just kept following her blindly until she ruined them by leading them by their obsession straight into a brick wall. But you, as far as I knew, you only knew her for a week. And in just that week, you¡¯d already learned more about that dark part of her than any of them ever even caught a whiff of. The part of her that doesn¡¯t let herself trust anyone. That views other people as lesser beings that you need leverage over in order to have something even remotely resembling a relationship. I think that, if someone were going to lead her down the right path, it would have been you. So that day, I encouraged you to follow your feelings. I don¡¯t think you¡¯re Tanner, and I don¡¯t think you need my protection. But I do want to watch over you, and her. The girl who showed me how amazing photography can be, and the boy who could show her how amazing it is to be able to trust in others.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think psychos like her can be saved from themselves.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know if she¡¯s a psycho. There might be something resembling a conscience in there, I can feel it. It¡¯s just buried underneath the muck somewhere.¡±
¡°That must be a lot of muck.¡±
¡°Better start shoveling then, Tristy.¡±
I sighed. ¡°So, is it just because she¡¯s aromantic then?¡±
At my words, Jaz blinked. ¡°She¡¯s what, now?¡±
¡°Aromantic. She told me she was on Friday. How she can¡¯t experience love or anything like that.¡±
For some reason, Jaz¡¯s gaze fell to the ground as confusion dominated her expression.
¡°Tristy, that¡¯s not¡¡±
¡°Jaz?¡±
She stopped speaking for a moment, appearing to process what I¡¯d said to her. And eventually, her confused expression morphed into a resigned smile.
¡°So Tanner told her, then¡¡±
I didn¡¯t understand what was going on.
¡°Jaz, what¡¯s wrong?¡±
¡°She¡¯s not aromantic, Tristy.¡±
¡°What? But she said-¡°
A tear rolled down her face, and she laughed.
¡°I guess it¡¯s my fault, huh? I¡¯m the one who stayed in the photography club despite knowing who she was all this time. I was the one playing with fire because I loved photography so much.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t understand, but she said she was¡¡±
¡°If I¡ If I had to guess, it¡¯s because she¡¯s trying to isolate you from me. If she¡¯s already isolated you from Gwen like I suspect, then I must be next. I don¡¯t know what the goal is, but she¡¯s trying to separate you from me and everyone else. That¡¯s all this is. She doesn¡¯t want you to trust me anymore.¡±
My head was spinning. I hadn¡¯t ever seen this type of behavior in Jaz before. What was she thinking about that caused her so much distress?
¡°Why would that¡ isolate us?¡± I asked.
¡°Because she wants you to associate her behavior with being aromantic, and because¡ I¡¯m aro.¡±
My mind had gone blank. Jaz was? This entire time, it wasn¡¯t Zoey who was aromantic, but Jaz?
¡°I told Tanner as much when I rejected him because I felt bad about it, but¡ I didn¡¯t think he¡¯d¡¡±
Her voice trailed off, and I gulped anxiously. ¡°Then¡ you can¡¯t love either?¡±
¡°I can, Tristy. That¡¯s the problem. We can love others. Just not romantically. God, she really wanted to drag me down with her, huh?¡± She let out a dismayed laugh. ¡°Listen, okay? There¡¯s lots of different flavors of love. It¡¯s like ice cream. I like all of them, but romantic love just isn¡¯t a flavor that does anything for me. Zoey is more like¡ she can¡¯t love anyone except herself. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s because she¡¯s scared or because she¡¯s incapable, but it¡¯s completely different.¡±
I grit my teeth. ¡°Isn¡¯t it possible that she just confused herself into thinking that she was? You don¡¯t know if Tanner told her.¡±
Jaz shook her head. ¡°Zoey is too intelligent for something like that, Tristy. You should know that.¡±
She was right. Every action the girl named Zoey Brahm took was calculated and deliberate. Jaz must have been right. In the first place, Laura seemed apprehensive when I mentioned this to her too, so maybe they were both right about it.
¡°Jaz, I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°What do you have to be sorry for?¡± she asked, resting her head on her knees. ¡°I explained it as best as I could, it¡¯s not like I can help it if you see me differently now.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t,¡± I said.
¡°Liar.¡±
¡°It¡¯s true, I don¡¯t care about stuff like that. Lance might make a few jokes about it if he found out, but he won¡¯t either.
¡°If he makes a joke about it then I¡¯ll toss him into traffic.¡±
I found myself chuckling, and made a note to never tell Lance about this side of Jaz.
¡°I can¡¯t see you differently anyhow. You made me feel at home when I joined the photography club. And you were there for me back when Ben was on my back. You¡¯re a good person, Jaz. I¡¯m not going to compare you to Zoey.¡±
¡°But what if I¡¯m just doing it to manipulate you later? That¡¯s something Zoey would do, isn¡¯t it?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t think you are,¡± I said.
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know, I guess it just feels like you wear your heart on your sleeves.¡±
Perhaps I was being na?ve, but my gut told me that Jaz wasn¡¯t like Zoey. The only time she¡¯d ever asked me for something since we met was when she was trying her best to save the club that she loved. The club that meant so much to her that she¡¯d risk being close with someone as terrible as Zoey Brahm just to continue experiencing it.
¡°By the way, um, if you don¡¯t mind me asking¡¡±
¡°What?¡± Jaz asked, still holding her head down on her knees.
¡°Uhm, I hope you don¡¯t take this the wrong way but, what¡¯s so amazing about photography that it¡¯s convinced you to stay close to that monster?¡±
After a few moments of silence, before I could get a proper response, the sound of cheers came from the restaurant behind us. I turned to find a sight I hadn¡¯t ever seen, nor did I ever expect to see. The white of her dress was flowing to the tune of a sudden gust of wind. The black of his suit enveloped and contrasted with the pure white as Lance Harly and Naomi Fraise, arms wrapped around one another, shared a kiss like lovers at the climax of a movie.
It happened.
It really happened.
I turned towards Jazmine, who had already taken a picture of the scene. When she pulled the camera down, she wiped a tear from her eye and smiled.
¡°Thank you, Tristy. I¡¯ll cherish everything you said to me today.¡±
I found myself smiling back her way. Somehow, she had answered my question perfectly without saying a word. The ability to capture the moments that mattered the most. To Jazmine Lee, that was what the art of photography was all about. She was someone who enjoyed the good times, and always tried to see the good in others, and this was merely her way of preserving and cherishing it. I was glad to have shared an intimate moment with her today.
But the tears she¡¯d shed had unfortunately filled my heart with more malice and had squashed my own ability to see the good in others. That a girl like Zoey Brahm was allowed to walk around with impunity despite the wreckage she left behind was a crime on its own. It appeared that my anger at that girl was slowly becoming more like Gwen¡¯s with every passing day.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - VII
We wrapped filming up just before 3, when the change in lighting would have been far too glaring to continue shooting. As Jaz and I had expressed to the two of them repeatedly, it wasn¡¯t a long scene by any means. Two hours of shooting to get it done was all it would really take, and we managed to get it done perfectly on time. I was glad that we managed to pull it off. It was something that all members of the photography club were a part of. Even if Zoey wouldn¡¯t be able to make everything work together by tomorrow, at least we¡¯d have the satisfaction of knowing we had created that piece of art together.
The most uplifting part of today, however, was that Lance and Naomi had at long last cleared everything up. It¡¯s funny, with everything terrible that¡¯s happened these past few weeks, it was nice to have some kind of good news to balance out the bad thoughts of Zoey I¡¯d been tormented by lately. I think I¡¯ve accepted that I probably still love her. But ever since the incident with Gwen, my love had warped into something darker.
Back then, before I met her, just thinking of her was enough to get the butterflies in my stomach going. I would have been satisfied just holding her in my arms, caressing her soft hair, and being enveloped by the hypnotic scent of cinnamon. She was an angel and my savior, and nothing would have made me happier than a life together with her.
But recently, I¡¯ve had thoughts. Darker, more sinister thoughts. Thoughts were more in line with making her suffer. My love for her has slowly warped into something more sadistic. I wanted to drag her down from the heavens and bring her over to my level. To make her grovel. Laura and Jaz mentioned changing her. Yeah, I guess I might have wanted to too. I wanted to make her regret it all. I wanted to change her from that terrible human being into someone who might have offered something resembling consideration or respect to other human beings. Only such thoughts could get the butterflies in my stomach going anymore. The days where I fantasized about an innocent love with her were dead. She had pulled the trigger on that herself when she chose to do what she did with Gwen, and then it was buried with Laura and Jaz¡¯s confessions to me. All that was left was the twisted fantasy of a twisted person.
I didn¡¯t have the strength to make that fantasy into a reality, however. She still frightened me. But the anger I felt was unmistakable. It wasn¡¯t just the story about Tanner, or the fact that she tried to associate her behavior with Jaz¡¯s orientation.
¡°There¡¯s something I need to tell you about Zoey.¡±
Really, it was what Naomi had said it to me in private before we left the lake that had plunged the final nail in the coffin. She pulled me aside while Lance and Jaz went over the footage. I realized that the two of us hadn¡¯t spoken since the mall incident, so I decided to hear her out. What I hadn¡¯t realized, however, was the truth behind Naomi¡¯s actions in the past week.
¡°What do you mean?¡± I asked.
¡°Please don¡¯t hate me for telling you this.¡±
¡°What¡ is it?¡±
¡°I¡¯ve been keeping it a secret, but it¡¯s about when Zoey made the bet with Bennyben¡ the one where she¡¯d date him if he won the homecoming game. The truth is, I was there. Lawrence, Gwen, the two of them, and I.¡±
¡°Why were you there¡?¡±
¡°Well, because SOMEONE told Ben that I was fishing for information about him for Gwen.¡±
Her pouty expression made it difficult for me to hide the guilt from my face. Something like that did happen, but it was the furthest thing from my mind at that point with everything that was going on.
¡°Oh, sorry about that.¡±
¡°It¡¯s fine, I get it. That¡¯s not important, though. I¡¯ve been meaning to ask you all this time, but¡ what do you have on Zoey?¡±
¡°What do I¡?¡± My voice trailed off.
¡°Tristan, she¡¯s scared of you.¡±
¡°Scared¡?¡±
¡°I thought she was in love with you at first. The reason she made the bet was to protect you from him. I was there, and so was Gwen. Even Lawrence agreed as much when I asked him about it this week. That girl, Zoey wanted to protect you from Bennyben.¡±
Naomi had even asked Lawrence about it?
¡°You thought she was in love with me but, what¡ why did you change your mind?¡± I asked.
There was a pause. It was the first time I had seen her hesitate that much to tell me something.
¡°Please don¡¯t hate me, Tristan.¡±
¡°I won¡¯t, okay? I promise. Just tell me.¡±
¡°Do you, um¡ remember when Lance and I got into that huge fight at club last week?¡±
¡°Yeah, what about it?¡±
¡°Well, the day before that, Zoey suggested something to help us work things out. It was a suggestion that¡ probably could¡¯ve ended any chance of us ever getting back together.¡±
I didn¡¯t like where this was going.
¡°Oh¡ oh yeah? What was it?¡±
¡°She told me to make him jealous by talking to Lawrence.¡±
My mind went blank. Lawrence? That Lawrence? The guy Zoey had a deal with to send girls his way? It couldn¡¯t be, could it? Was she seriously trying to sabotage their relationship?
¡°I went along with it for my own reasons¡ I wanted to find out more about what happened at the mall from him. I wanted to make sure that you¡¯d be okay once Bennyben¡¯s suspension was up. I wanted to ask why he was so crazy about Zoey in the first place. Look, I know you hate him, and you have every reason to. But I¡¯ve known him for a long time. He might be a bit obsessed, but this was the first time I¡¯d ever seen him act out like this. I just wanted to understand how things turned out this way, and so I asked Lawrence who was always close to him. I didn¡¯t get much information about Bennyben himself, but from what Lawrence told me¡ you¡¯re the first person he¡¯s seen Zoey kowtow to like this. I mean, she staked her entire reputation to protect you.¡±
It''s because of Dream Paralysis. That was the only answer that fit everything. But without her knowing about its existence, she had decided that it was either love or me having something on her.
¡°But then, it could just be that she really did have feelings for me, right?¡± I turned to face her. ¡°Why do you think I might have something on her?¡±
¡°Because¡ she told him after the mall thing that¡¡±
¡°That?¡±
¡°She said she wasn¡¯t in love with you. She loves someone named Oliver.¡±
It had been almost 5 hours since then. The sun had already set for the evening. And yet, I could do nothing but dwell on her words. I had nothing to do but anxiously wait for the results of the editing. I had no idea if it¡¯d be done in an hour or five. But it didn¡¯t matter. I wanted to screen it. I wanted to see what kind of art we¡¯d ended up creating. I could have played video games with Lance, but I couldn¡¯t think of anything except for Naomi¡¯s words. As soon Zoey¡¯s done with the editing, as soon as she sends it over, I¡¯m going to confront her. I was going to ask her who this Oliver was, and I¡¯d tell her how I really felt. That was what I thought.
But I needed the film first. I had been passing the time by staring at my texts with Gwen. I hadn¡¯t responded to her last message. I wanted my response to be of the finished film. There was so much going on in my head though, that I was tempted to call her despite everything. And if not her, then I needed to talk to someone. Lance? Jaz? Naomi? Hell, I¡¯d have taken Lawrence at that point.
As I was pondering for a moment, whether it was a good thing or not, my phone did begin to ring, and the word ¡°Captain¡± flashed across my screen. We hadn¡¯t ended our last conversation on good terms, so I was hesitant to answer, but if it was related to the film then I needed to know what was up. I pressed the answer button.
¡°Hello?¡±
¡°Tristan, I messed up.¡±
Her voice sounded frantic. It sounded exactly like when she saw the creature at the game two weeks ago. Regardless of whatever it was she was about to say, it was obviously not the usual, level-headed Zoey on the other side of the line.
¡°What? What happened?¡±
¡°It¡¯s Enzo. Krista told me about it today. Apparently, he¡¯s been in contact with Jacob. Something¡¯s going to happen tonight.¡±
¡°Something? Something like what?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know. But you need to hack Jacob right now.¡±
¡°What? Right now? I¡ You know I can¡¯t just¡¡±
¡°Tristan, listen to me. I don¡¯t care about what you think you can or can¡¯t do. You need to do it right now, okay? You need to protect Laura.¡±
Protect Laura. That was all I needed to hear. The thought that something bad was about to happen to her didn¡¯t sit well with me after our conversation yesterday. She was a good person at heart, a lily that deserved to be protected and cared for.
¡°Okay, I¡¯ll do it.¡±
¡°Thanks, I¡¯ll send a picture to help you.¡± She went quiet for a moment. I half expected her to hang up. She¡¯d never thanked me like that before. This really wasn¡¯t the same Zoey. Was she already changing?
¡°No problem,¡± I said.
¡°And remember, don¡¯t reveal Dream Paralysis. No matter what.¡±
¡°I won¡¯t.¡±
¡°Good. Contact me after everything¡¯s done.¡±
She hung up, as she usually would. Naively, I expected her to tell me about the film process, but it was understandable that this took priority over everything else. I needed to sleep as soon as possible. Dr. Santana said I should avoid taking melatonin with my meds, but this was an emergency. There was no time to think about anything except for sleep. Whatever it was that Enzo and Jacob had planned for Laura, I needed to be there to prevent it.
With that in mind, I swallowed the melatonin then rolled over, falling into a deep sleep while pushing thoughts of Jacob to the forefront of my mind.
---
I felt myself drifting through a deep tunnel.
A dark, familiar cave with no end in sight.
I had no idea where I was headed, but it couldn¡¯t have been any good.
No, it wasn¡¯t good.
Where am I going? I thought.
Wasn¡¯t I trying to get to Jacob?
Where is he?
It was just like that day in the forest.
An out of body experience.
¡°Oh, mm¡¡±
A voice?
A familiar voice.
¡°Mm, ah¡¡±
It was getting louder.
There was a light at the end of the tunnel.
My destination was at hand.
¡°I love this¡¡±
My body was slowly being overcome by insatiable lust, pleasure beyond my understanding.
¡°Yes, yes¡¡±
The sense that I had been doing something wrong, that I was stepping into a taboo world, was slowly being overwritten by that sense of pleasure.
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¡°Oh, ah¡¡±
I was at the end of the tunnel.
My body glided through the end, enveloped by a blinding light.
---
After a single meeting, Laura Young had become an object of worship for me. It might sound like an exaggeration, I know. A girl drenched in dark makeup, wearing revealing clothes, a black rose tattoo down the side of her stomach. She probably looked like a sort of pagan to someone who grew up religious. But the truth is, I knew her kindness. I felt it when I became her. She had an unparalleled ability to understand those around her, and to care for them from the bottom of her soul. To anyone else, caring deeply for the self-destructive, foolish people besides them was a task akin to Atlas carrying the weight of the world.
And yet in just one hack, I understood that it was genuine. I verified it myself, both by becoming her and by talking to her. She really did love everyone. And yet¡
¡°I¡¯m almost¡¡±
My mind must have been blank throughout the entire thing.
As I felt the pleasure heighten in Jacob¡¯s lower region, the contractions as the liquid escaped from his member and he thrust his hips one last time.
¡°Haaa¡¡±
After a moment of recollecting himself, my vision twisted as he rolled himself off Laura¡¯s body and fell over to her side. His breath was ragged, as was hers. It was done. She had sinned one more time. But all I could feel within myself, within Jacob, was the joy of finally having conquered a woman as fine as her.
¡°How was it?¡± he asked, smiling next to her.
And in turn, she rolled over, pulling the sheets over her nude body. ¡°It was breathtaking...¡±
¡°You were amazing too, you know.¡±
She pulled the sheet over her face. ¡°I was excited, but I got nervous.¡±
¡°Really? I didn¡¯t notice.¡±
¡°Yeah, right.¡± She touched his cheek. ¡°I could¡¯ve been braver if you¡¯d just turned the lights off.¡±
¡°And miss out on seeing my wife during her first time?¡±
¡°Aren¡¯t you quite the gentleman?¡±
Laura¡¯s uncanny neutral expression still shone. But there was a tint of red coloring her complexion. Like a blooming rose that had just seen the sun for the first time. That coloring caused Jacob to lean in for a kiss.
I knew that it was wrong for me to be there. I shouldn¡¯t have been here. I knew that, if I were in my right mind and not Jacob¡¯s, I would probably feel guilty for even sticking around like I had been. But it¡¯s a good thing that I wasn¡¯t in my right mind. After all, I had a purpose. It¡¯s no coincidence that they had sex on the exact day that Zoey warned me that Jacob was up to something. Though I wish she had been a bit more specific about what that ¡®something¡¯ was. I needed to keep an eye out in order to decipher what exactly it was.
¡°I really am sorry, you know,¡± she said.
He pulled her head closer. ¡°I know. It¡¯s fine.¡±
¡°It¡¯s not, I shouldn¡¯t have betrayed your trust like that.¡±
¡°Zoey¡¯s an interesting person, I get it. You were curious.¡±
¡°Oh, really? And were you?¡± she asked.
¡°Do you want me to lie or do you want the truth?¡±
¡°Oh, come on.¡± She shoved him playfully.
¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. She¡¯s dating Tristan, remember? Though, I don¡¯t exactly know how that happened.¡±
¡°What do you mean? He seemed nice,¡± she said.
¡°Yeah, he¡¯s nice. But since when has being nice on its own ever been attractive?¡±
¡°He¡¯s also a curious person. He really wanted to learn about the church, you know.¡±
¡°I think he was more interested in what was in the church.¡± He nuzzled his head against hers, and she rolled her eyes.
¡°Oh, please. You¡¯re being unfair to him.¡±
¡°Wait, why are we talking about Tristan right now?¡±
He got out of the bed, still naked, then rolled the condom off to throw it in the trash.
¡°Sorry, did I upset you?¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s fine, I just need to piss.¡±
The truth is, however, it wasn¡¯t fine at all. For some reason, the thought her bonding with me had bothered him far more than the fact that she had cheated on him with Zoey. No, it wasn¡¯t ¡®for some reason¡¯. He was secretly glad that they had done it. For what reason that was, I didn¡¯t know. He grabbed his cellphone from inside a stack of clothes and went to the bathroom.
Once inside, he closed the door, turned the faucet on, and let out a sigh. His nude figure¡¯s presence filled out the mirror as he brooded over the vast counter laid out before him. I could tell that he had been working out for a while just by looking at his body. He was living a life that would make most guys my age green with envy. He was spending the night in a fancy hotel judging by the decor, together with his beautiful girlfriend. Why would anyone be anxious on a day like this? And yet, he was anxious. His heart was pounding. Which meant that something was coming.
And it took me no time to realize the truth of it.
All because he hit the ¡°stop recording¡± button on his cell phone.
And then¡
It hit me.
It was a sex tape.
He was recording a sex tape without her knowledge.
Jacob was going through the newly recorded video to crop out the unnecessary bits at the beginning and the end to save a new copy.
And then, he opened up his messages with Enzo.
He was going to send it¡?
To Enzo?
But why?
What did Enzo have on him, exactly?
Were they setting up some kind of deal?
No, it didn¡¯t matter what the truth was.
I had to stop it.
I had to, and yet¡
I couldn¡¯t think of a way of doing it without revealing Dream Paralysis.
Putting someone onto its existence could lead to a bad ending for both Zoey and me.
But what should I do?
No, there¡¯s no question about it.
Fuck keeping it secret.
I had to save her.
¡°Huh?¡±
I held his thumb in place as it hovered over the send button.
I needed to delete it.
¡°My thumb¡ fuck, this is so weird.¡±
I exited the text messages and moved towards the files folder to try to delete it.
¡°What the fuck is going on right now?¡±
It was only when he uttered those words that my vision began to fade.
He was rejecting me.
¡°Shit,¡± I muttered using his voice.
I couldn¡¯t wake up. I needed to delete this.
But his body was rejecting me.
Was there anything else I could do?
I would wake up in just a moment if I didn¡¯t do anything.
And then I realized it.
I needed a new body.
---
Once I switched over to Laura Young¡¯s body, there was a recognition within myself that I had failed.
The video was probably going to be sent.
And most likely, he would wonder why his body had acted like that.
Perhaps if he was delusional, he would assume that it was his conscience stopping him?
But either way, I had to accept the truth of the situation.
I had failed Zoey.
I had failed Lawrence.
And most importantly of all, I had failed Laura.
The sound of the bathroom faucet disappeared, and the door opened to Jacob, where he found Laura looking up at him as she always had. He met it with his smile, despite the guilt that was probably rummaging through his chest. Oh yes, he felt guilty. I felt it in him when he was about to send the text. And of course he did. He just betrayed the trust of that honest, loving girl who gave it all to him against her own values just moments ago. He stared back down at the phone, most likely absorbing the images on the screen from the video he¡¯d just taken.
¡°Come Jake,¡± she said, arms stretched out.
Her loving voice pained him. It was causing his remorse to take firm root on his heart. And in that remorse, I found my chance. This, this was easier to take advantage of. The regret that had suddenly hit him after seeing her face once again had hit him like a raging bull. Ordinarily, he would have been able to suck the pain in and carry on with his life until it was buried underneath whatever reward he reaped for sharing that video with Enzo. The guilt would still be there, but he would be able to function within the mountain of lies he had built for himself. But, even if I couldn¡¯t have stopped the text from going through, I could still take advantage of his disorientation and swipe the phone from him using Laura¡¯s body once he got close.
¡°Huh?¡±
In his moment of shock, I flipped through his file history until I found the video.
¡°Wait, Laura stop-¡°
¡°Hmm?
Her eyes finally focused on what was being displayed on the phone, and she realized it.
But as her brain had just barely managed to recognize it, the phone was snatched from her hand just as quickly as she¡¯d gotten it.
The room went quiet. Laura¡¯s eyes were still firmly focused on the spot where the phone had just been. Her hands were still transfixed in place. It¡¯s like she was frozen in that moment of time. And emotionally, she was. Like the world around her had just shattered into a billion pieces.
¡°Jake?¡±
¡°Uh, what is it babe? What¡¯s up?¡±
The nervous smile she saw in her peripherals told the entire story.
¡°What was that on your phone?¡±
¡°What was what? Did you see something?¡±
¡°Jake, are you pretending not to know?¡±
He went quiet. Her body still hadn¡¯t moved an inch. She had been speaking the words into her hand while frozen like a statue. No, her body was moving. I could feel her arms trembling. She was doing everything in her power to hold it together.
¡°I don¡¯t¡¡±
¡°Jake, give me the phone.¡±
¡°Laura, babe. I really don¡¯t think¡¡±
¡°Jake?¡±
She looked up, finally finding the strength to break free and confront the reality of the situation. She found him wearing an expression so guilty that it caused even more turmoil inside of her. The wrinkles on his forehead, his furrowed brow, the frown that he was trying so desperately to cover up. If it really was nothing, then why was he looking at her like that?
Without a word, he found himself handing her the phone. The screen was still displaying the video he¡¯d just taken. Was he too anxious to delete it in time, or did his guilt prevent him from doing as much? Either way, it was now too late to hide it from her. She scrolled through the timeline of the video.
Watching the two of them engage in that sinful act before marriage. An act that, if exposed, would probably ruin her life. And in fact, it had been exposed. She just didn¡¯t know it yet. Her life was already over.
¡°Get out.¡±
¡°Laura, listen¡¡±
¡°Get out, please.¡±
¡°My phone¡¡±
With almost robotic ease, she deleted both the original video and the cropped one from his phone¡¯s gallery then removed them from the trash folder afterwards. Once she was done with that, she tossed the phone his way. When he caught it, the guilty-looking spheres in the sockets of his head were both still pointed her way.
¡°Laura, I¡¯m sorry. I just-¡°
¡°Get. Out.¡±
There would be no talking his way out of this, and he seemed to realize it. With great reluctance, he found his clothes and slipped back into them. Laura was holding it all together. She needed to. She refused to be emotional before the man who had just betrayed her like that. She kept her eyes on him as he grabbed his belongings and finally went towards the door. He looked over her one last time, but the tense face she was wearing dissuaded him from saying anything. With the guilt of his own sin still coloring his face, he left through the door.
In the midst of the emotional turmoil was a sensation in her lower region that I couldn¡¯t quite place. It was a discomfort that was both physically and emotionally tangible. A gut wrenching, nauseating kind of discomfort that I had never quite experienced before. It wasn¡¯t just that she had just had sex. It was as if the sex had suddenly taken on a whole new meaning, and that sensation had turned into something nasty. Laura suddenly felt the urge to throw up.
I wanted no part of what was about to come next, so I disconnected completely.
---
The nauseating sensation followed me back to my body. With all the strength I could muster out of my fatigued, half-awake body, I ran over to the bathroom and leaned over the toilet. At first, I had thought that the feeling was purely the feedback from the hack. That nothing would come out even if I leaned over. But I quickly realized that I really was ill, because the dinner I had earlier came lurching out of my mouth. The taste of stomach acid and a half-digested slog of my mom¡¯s cooking splashed into the bowl like a waterfall without an end in sight. I must have been there for about half a minute before I¡¯d spat all of it out, the remains of saliva and vomit still dripping from my lip. I was very sick. And what made me feel sick wasn¡¯t the vomiting, it was the fact that I had been inside Laura in a manner of which I was neither welcomed nor intending for. It took me all of five minutes to recollect myself, to center my mind to the point where I was able to actually speak before I reached for the phone in my pajama pocket and call Zoey.
¡°Tristan. What happened?¡±
¡°Zoey¡ I-I¡¡±
¡°Spit it out. What did you see?¡±
¡°They had sex.¡±
¡°That¡¯s it?¡±
¡°No, he recorded it. A-and he sent it to Enzo.¡±
The line went quiet for a moment.
¡°You didn¡¯t stop it?¡± she asked.
¡°I couldn¡¯t. Not without revealing Dream Paralysis.¡± For some reason, I found myself lying to her. I did try, but I didn¡¯t want her to know that I risked it. Why was that, I wondered? ¡°But¡ I did let her find the video.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
She said nothing more. She might have been thinking of a way to rectify the situation. If that video got out, then Laura¡¯s life would be over. She has no idea what¡¯s in store for her.
¡°Zoey, I can go back to sleep. I can hack Enzo. I¡¯ll delete the video. I-¡°
¡°Don¡¯t waste your time, Tristan. Just let me handle it.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°You won¡¯t be able to do anything if he¡¯s awake. Just let me talk to him. I can handle it.¡±
¡°Are you sure¡?¡±
¡°Have you ever known me to not talk myself out of a bad situation? Plus, I¡¯m close to Krista. He won¡¯t risk me getting in her ear.¡±
¡°I¡ I guess.¡±
¡°Just trust me. You¡¯re better off keeping an eye on Laura. Make sure she doesn¡¯t do anything stupid.¡±
¡°She wouldn¡¯t.¡±
¡°Can you guarantee that?¡±
I didn¡¯t respond.
Of course I couldn¡¯t.
I still felt the sensation from what happened earlier.
I don¡¯t have those parts anymore, but I still feel it.
¡°Are you crying?¡±
Apparently, my sobbing had become audible now.
I had been crying ever since I threw up in the toilet.
¡°I¡ I raped her, Zoey.¡±
She sighed on the other line.
¡°You didn¡¯t rape her, Tristan.¡±
¡°I did! I was inside her. She thought she was with Jacob, but I was also there. Right there. I still feel myself inside her. And, and¡¡±
¡°And what? You¡¯re going to cry yourself to sleep over sex she didn¡¯t even know she had?¡±
¡°What?¡±
¡°Let¡¯s pretend for a second that you raped her, Tristan. So what? Is it going to traumatize her? She¡¯ll have terrible memories of what happened tonight her for the rest of her life, but it¡¯s not because you happened to be fucking her alongside Jacob. She¡¯ll never know. Torturing yourself over it is pointless.¡±
¡°What are you¡ saying right now?¡±
Once again, she sighed as if she was being held up from something important.
¡°I¡¯m saying that you got to fuck Lawrence¡¯s sister without any consequences. Just enjoy it.¡±
My breathing became ragged beneath my sobbing.
I¡¯d never wanted to scream at someone more in my life. The unbridled anger burning inside of me would put even Lance¡¯s angriest video game rants to shame.
¡°You¡¯re the fucking devil, do you know that?¡±
¡°Oh dear. You sound an awful lot like your girlfriend Gwen right now.¡±
¡°Yeah, I sound like her. She¡¯s a hundred times better than you ever will be.¡±
¡°And yet you chose me, not her.¡±
¡°Not anymore. We¡¯re done.¡±
¡°Are you sure? Don¡¯t do something you¡¯ll regret, Tristan.¡±
¡°Regret? This is the best decision I¡¯ll ever make in my life. I¡¯m not going to uncritically follow you forever. I¡¯m not Benjamin or Tanner.¡±
She went quiet for a second. ¡°Tanner? Oh, did Jaz tell you about him? I suppose she did, didn¡¯t she?¡±
¡°Yeah, and do you know what else she said? She told me that you¡¯re not actually aromantic. You lied to me to try to get back on my good side. You¡¯re the worst kind of human being, Zoey. Why should I spend my time with an emotionless piece of shit like you?¡±
¡°Ouch, I¡¯m hurt,¡± she said, not even attempting to sound hurt. ¡°Why would my boyfriend say such harsh things to me?¡±
¡°We¡¯re not dating.¡±
¡°Not anymore if this keeps up.¡±
¡°No, we never were. And we won¡¯t be seeing each other anymore,¡± I said.
¡°I¡¯ll let you sleep on it. Quitting the photography club would be kind of difficult now that both of your close friends are such involved members now.¡±
I laughed. ¡°You know, I always felt so afraid of you. At first I was scared that you¡¯d hate me, then I was scared of what you¡¯d do to me if I crossed you. But now it¡¯s kind of funny.¡±
¡°Yeah? And why is that?¡±
¡°Because you¡¯re scared of me, aren¡¯t you?¡±
No response.
There it was.
Naomi¡¯s assumption was on the mark.
¡°What, no clever reply? It¡¯s because it¡¯s true, isn¡¯t it? You have no idea what to do if I actually use this power against you, do you? That¡¯s why you¡¯re trying so hard to control me. No matter what kind of clever ruse you come up with, the only way you¡¯ll ever beat me is by killing me, and even you would never go that far.¡±
¡°Tristan.¡±
¡°What? Are you upset? Why don¡¯t you go cry to Oliver about it then?¡±
¡°How do you¡¡±
My laughter only got louder.
¡°Know? How do I know? You told Lawrence about him and expected him to keep his mouth shut?¡±
She sighed. ¡°Tristan, it¡¯s not what you think...¡±
¡°Oh, it¡¯s not? Really? Why can¡¯t you just be honest about it? You¡¯ve been hanging your body up as a prize even though you hated my guts. You manipulated me. What part of that isn¡¯t what I think? Oh, that¡¯s right. You¡¯re trying to lie to me because you know that, without that, you have nothing on me anymore. That¡¯s it, right? Hey, answer me. Answer me, Zoey. ANSWER ME!¡±
There was silence on the other side of the line. I was breathing heavily. My blood pressure was probably through the roof. My heartbeat quickened. There was so much more I wanted to say. So many bad things I wanted to call her. But almost as if she¡¯d sensed it all, she finally spoke up.
¡°We¡¯re done, Tristan. Don¡¯t call me or hack me ever again.¡±
The sound of the line going dead. Her hanging up signaled my own victory in the conversation.
And yet, there was a nuclear bomb on the verge of going off inside of my body.
I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s how I truly felt or if Laura¡¯s pain was influencing me too heavily.
But I needed to let all this pain out, and without Zoey on the other line to accept it, I needed to find a new outlet.
I wound up going into the shower and cried my eyes out as the water poured down over my skin. It was frustrating. I never wanted to think about her again. She had turned something beautiful into this. And yet, as much as she had upset me earlier, she was right about one thing. If what happened was beating me up like this, then perhaps Laura needed to be checked on after all. The last thing I wanted was for her to hurt herself. She didn¡¯t deserve to suffer. I was scared of using the power again, but once the shower was over, I went back to bed and fell into a deep sleep, with thoughts of Laura Young filling my head.
Volume 2 Chapter 6 - VIII
Laura Young was sitting at the bench where Zoey and I had waited on Saturday. Andrew Jackson stood tall in his equestrial glory over her gloomy visage. She had been gazing absent-mindedly at the moonlit grass, the path colored by the standing lights hanging above the cobblestone.
I wasn¡¯t sure if she had gotten an uber back to her dorm or if the hotel was within walking distance, but the reality was that she was no longer in the room where she shared that moment with Jacob. Who knew if they had spoken since then? Who knew if they were even together anymore? I missed a lot by waking up and reporting to Zoey, for all the good it did me. Hopefully she¡¯d be able to stop Enzo from distributing it.
What surprised me the most about hacking Laura Young wasn¡¯t the location, however, but her feelings towards the incident. While she carried her sadness tucked close to her chest, there wasn¡¯t a hint of anger or resentment towards Jacob. The girl seemed to be processing her own misfortune as if she had been the victim of a natural disaster rather than any mal intent. And worse yet, she was handling it surprisingly well. There was something both relieving and terrifying about that realization.
There was the fact, of course, that she believed it to be over, having deleted the video, so that probably contributed to some of her tranquility. But the truth of it was that Enzo had received a copy before she deleted it. I recognized that Zoey wished to handle it herself, but I thought that I should at least take a look at how things were on his head.
I used the moment to do my best to remember what Enzo looked like, then tried to project myself towards him.
---
He was sleeping. I could tell since I had full control of his body. His dark, unfamiliar dorm room littered with junk and scattered clothing was discomforting to say the least. It was in stark contrast to Zoey¡¯s wonderful bedroom that was kept neat at all hours of the day. The discomforting atmosphere in the room only trampled over any desire I had to stay in this body. I instinctively reached out to his bed side and grabbed his phone.
His screen lock used faceid, so I held it up to my(his) face and allowed it to unlock on its own. The first thing that greeted me on the screen was his call logs. The last logged call was a contact called ¡®Z¡± logged over an hour ago. Sure enough, that could only have been one person. As for whether her call was successful or not, I decided to check through his messages first.
¡°Huh¡?¡±
There was nothing.
Had she really convinced him to delete it?
If that¡¯s the case, then there was no reason for me to be here, was there?
I hadn¡¯t found anything even from within in the trash folder of his phone.
I¡¯m not sure what kind of dirt Zoey had on this guy, if he really was that scared of Krista finding out about it, but either way he somehow managed to delete it way too quickly.
But that¡¯s not important.
What mattered is that Laura was safe now.
The video was deleted on both of their devices, and Laura could focus on healing from the betrayal she¡¯d faced.
---
I had only returned to Laura¡¯s body for a few seconds before I realized that something was strange.
My vision was going blurry.
Why?
Was something going on with her?
Was she passing out?
I needed to get help.
I needed to¡
---
My soul, my spirit, whatever it was, had been vacuumed out of Laura¡¯s body. By what exactly, I couldn¡¯t say. But the terrifying nature of my transposition through the darkness had left me in a state of shock. The adrenaline was like a roller coaster ride with no guarantee of safety. I felt myself being tugged at high speeds I hadn¡¯t known were possible for a human to reach on their own.
Something was wrong with my powers. The hack on Jacob earlier was different than the others too. The slow journey through the tunnel before I finally made my way to him felt like the day I was attacked by the creature in the woods. For a second, I thought that I had gotten lost in the spirit realm. And now, I was being tugged along through that same tunnel at the speed of light.
And suddenly¡
I was back in my body.
The huge gasp that escaped my lips as I bolted upright in my bed had surprised even myself. Cold sweat ran down my face as I panted heavily. Was any of that even real? Or was it a night terror? It certainly felt real, but I couldn¡¯t be sure of anything. The ambiguity of it all was terrifying. Not knowing if it was a dream or real, not knowing if any of my actions were my own or the influences of the people I¡¯d hacked, not knowing if I¡¯d come back alive or not¡
It was the morning of homecoming, a full day after I told her I¡¯d refuse to use Dream Paralysis again because it was immoral. Back then, she said something that I¡¯d been thinking about for a long time.. She said that she wasn¡¯t sure if I¡¯d even had any morals, and that my refusal to use Dream Paralysis was just cowardice.
Sadly, I¡¯m beginning to think that she was right. I quickly abandoned my morals and used my status as her invisible gun as an excuse to not explore these powers more than I needed to. Because I was scared. There were too many uncertainties. It¡¯s not like someone had written a guide on using it before me. All I had were mine and Zoey¡¯s speculations, and who knows how many steps I could take into the darkness before I eventually fell off a cliff? I¡¯m scared of dying, I¡¯ve acknowledged as much before. So this time, I need to truly stop making use of this power.
Hello.
My body froze.
Whether that hack earlier was a dream or not¡
That voice was definitely real.
Be at ease, I have no plans to hurt you.
No plans, it said. Did that mean it might hurt me later? My eyes remained glued to the sheets over my lap.
Look at me.
I refused.
Look at me.
I would not look at it. I refused to with every fighting cell in my body.
And then, I felt it lift my chin.
Inches from my face, it leaned forward to face me.
Horned, Skull-faced and all, a dim light peering through the darkness living in those pitch-black eye sockets.
Hello, Tristan.
My heart was relentlessly banging against my ribcage.
My eyes were wide with terror.
I thought I was going to die.
Perhaps I¡¯d thought that I was already dead.
Well, if that were the case then I wouldn¡¯t have resisted the urge to scream as much as I did.
Are you not going to say hello?
¡°D¡ d-don¡¯t kill¡ me¡¡±
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
Kill you? Tristan, do not be foolish.
¡°But¡¡±
There are no buts or ifs. A spirit cannot survive without its host. If I kill you, I will also die.
¡°Host¡?¡±
The creature leaned back off the bed where its body of tentacles rippled across the room like a sea of darkness drowning the floor. It stared down at me with far more purpose than it was ever capable of the first time it had shown up last week.
What we have is what you humans call a symbiotic relationship. I need you, and you need me. Therefore, if you have any questions, I will answer them for you.
Answer them? He was going to explain everything to me? About himself? About Dream Paralysis? I was so terrified that I didn¡¯t know where to begin. The ocean-like wobbling of the tentacles were disorienting. I felt as if I was going to be attacked at any moment. The fact that Zoey had forced me to use this power without understanding the consequences of it was just another reason for me to hate her.
¡°What¡ are you?¡±
What am I? That is not a difficult question to answer on its own, but it also depends on what you might mean by that. I am one of the twin spirits of lake Irma. I have not been granted a formal name by humans. I have only been discovered quite recently by your kind.
The spirit¡¯s main body swam across the dark sea and made its way to the right side of my bed. My body tensed up, and I moved away from that edge almost subconsciously.
I have been roaming through the forest of the lake for decades, latching onto whatever life force I could. They used me, just as you have, by utilizing my spirit linking, or hacking as you call it. Spiders luring moths to their webs. Coyotes in search of rats and birds to feast upon. When you found me, my host was a particularly aggressive black bear that had acquired a taste for mammal meat thanks to the ease with which my powers allowed it to gather prey. And you were its first human victim.
¡°And then you saved me. Why¡?¡±
Because human lives are far more valuable than those of animals.
It was an almost biblical statement. But who was I to doubt the supernatural creature before me, that clearly had a better understanding of spirits and life and death than I did?
¡°So then¡ why did you only show yourself before me now?¡±
Do you remember your first years in this world?
¡°What? Like, as a baby?¡±
The creature nodded.
¡°No, I don¡¯t really. My first memories are probably of pre-K. I was maybe three or four.
The truth is, that is only the first memory that your brain can recall. Your spirit, however, remembers far earlier than that.
¡°Far¡ earlier?¡±
The prerequisite for forming memories is language learning. Your ability to categorize things neatly by grouping and labelling them assists in your ability to retain information reliably. Otherwise, all you have are the instincts of your soul. You felt it, didn¡¯t you? The difference between knowing something intuitively with your own brain and acting it out in the bodies of the humans you linked your spirit to.
He was right. I thought it was just muscle memory. Their body remembered the way they did things.
That is the memory of the spirit. You humans call it instinct, but it is the knowledge of your ancestors and past that has been passed down to you, both through your spirit and through their own teachings. I am not different. I was just a spirit before I learned your language. The many links you created. From Zoey, Carla, Horace, Gwen, Benjamin, Laura, Jacob, and finally, Enzo. All of these assisted in bringing me to life. In particular, in order for me to fully materialize, I require two secondary hosts.
He mentioned a name that I hadn¡¯t recognized. Was that the name of the thief who stole Zoey¡¯s phone?
¡°What¡¯s a secondary host?¡±
A database of sorts. As you humans have teachers and role models as you develop, so too do I require them. While I might gain the ability to communicate and tether myself to the real world by copying from their database, my understanding of humanity is influenced by their personalities as well. I believe that four separate instances of linking with a single target should suffice. Think back. Are there any people that you have linked to that many times?
Four times? If you count the first week, then Zoey had already met that quota. Perhaps that¡¯s why the spirit showed up in the first place back then? As for a second¡
¡°You learned from Zoey and Laura?¡±
And at least three others. Those are the requirements. But the majority of my influence comes from those two, yes. It is fascinating, Tristan, that the essence of their souls are almost completely opposite. You have chosen excellent specimens for me to learn from.
A spirit forged by multiple hacks on the girl called Zoey Brahm. The fact that I had actually brought the devil to life was not at all lost on me. But at least it was also half Laura. Perhaps her good could temper out the evil. I could only hope as much, as this thing was living inside of me now.
¡°So, when my personality was being influenced after the hacks¡¡±
You are the bridge to myself and these new experiences. Some lingering influence should be expected as I absorb more knowledge of the human race through each spirit link.
I didn¡¯t understand. Was he just going to be inside of me forever, absorbing these new experiences? What if I suddenly decided that I never wanted to hack anyone anymore? Or, worse yet, what would happen if he decided that I was no longer able to feed him useful information?
You are scared of dying, are you not?
¡°H-huh?¡±
Slowly, his main body slithered onto my bed. The darkness dripped off like melted wax onto my sheets as he slowly crawled up the bed frame and onto the wall above me. I could only lean back onto the bed, arm in front of my face as if shielding myself, for whatever good that would do.
I realized it quickly. It is the one thing that separates you the most from everyone else you have linked with. Your soul is traumatized by the joining of your body and me. Having two souls co-exist in one body is a difficult experience to manage, and you very nearly died during the process.
So that tunnel really was the tunnel to the afterlife, I thought.
You held on. You managed to stay tethered thanks to your strong connection to that girl, Zoey.
I didn¡¯t respond.
Do not look so upset. If I am the reason you almost died, then she is the reason for that ¡®almost¡¯.
He tried to warm me up to Zoey, but it didn¡¯t matter. Even if she¡¯d saved my life, it didn¡¯t mean that she could do as she pleased with me. I was still disgusted by her. And in any case, it didn¡¯t change anything. I was still scared of dying.
You remain frightened despite my explanation.
¡°Well, diagnosing someone with cancer doesn¡¯t make them better on their own.¡±
The spirit paused for a moment. Its empty eyes staring down at me, if you could them call it that. The uncanniness was sending chills down my spine. I wanted nothing more than for this to end right that second.
How about this? I can guarantee that your death is far off into the future.
¡°Far off? How far off? How do you know-¡°
It was like a movie in reverse.
The creepy manner in which he slithered away, almost as if he were being played at two times speed.
His tentacles retreating to the corner with him.
They clung to the wall as he stared at me.
Us spirits, we can see it.
¡°S-see it..?¡±
When a living thing¡¯s death is near. A useful skill for a parasitic spirit like myself. If I die inside of a living thing while it hosts me, then my spirit passes on to the other side. Being able to avoid such a catastrophe is not just helpful, it is necessary.
¡°Passes on¡ to the other side? What is the other side? To heaven? With Jesus?¡±
The spirit paused for a second time, seeming unsure on how to answer my question.
Your spiritual journey, I cannot help you with the answers. That is something you will have to find out on your own. I only speak to you about your death because your anxiety is hindering your willingness to link with other humans.
So, he was being self-serving. In that case, there was no reason to bother anyway. He could just be lying so that I¡¯d keep hacking people for knowledge.
You are still scared. You still do not trust me?
I didn¡¯t respond.
Fair enough, I will give you some advice then. While your flame is far from close to being burned out, someone close to you, someone you love, their own flame will be extinguished very soon.
¡°What?¡±
Perhaps before the year is over. And it will not happen because of anything I have said or done. No, this is all predetermined. Perhaps by telling you this, you might be able to change it. Perhaps not. It all depends on whether you figure out who it is or is not.
Then tell me.
If you figure it out, then how will I prove that the predetermination is real? I have done you enough of a favor as is by telling you this much, have I not?
You¡¯re just like Zoey.
No, I am nothing like Zoey. While I am trained on her personality, my spirit serves a greater purpose that no animal or human taint can ever influence me into forgetting. My actions will remain in line with pursuing that purpose in accordance with the code that this purpose demands.
¡°It doesn¡¯t change the fact that you won¡¯t help me save the life of someone I love.¡±
Indeed, it does not. However, it is only because your human perspective views death as something terrible that you mean to resent me for it. It is only a natural part of living that all things die eventually.
¡°What is death if not terrible, then? I won¡¯t see them again.¡±
You would not understand it.
I gritted my teeth. ¡°What¡ makes you say that?¡±
Think of a complicated math equation, and how you struggled with it even with all the knowledge your teacher had imparted you with. Now, imagine giving that very same problem to a five-year-old and expecting them to be able to apply it. Learning about who you are and what your place is in this vast world is not quite as simple as you believe it to be. You cannot be given the answer and expected to understand it. It is only by working through it on your own that you will truly grasp the meaning behind everything. Even if I told you about death, you would still view it through your own childish eyes.
¡°How do I make my childish eyes into adult ones, then?¡±
Asking questions is a good beginning. Never stop thinking, and never stop asking questions. Only you can find the answers that you seek. Find them, Tristan Collins. Just as I hope to find the secret to the human condition, you must find your own spirituality.
Find my spirituality. If that¡¯s the goal, then perhaps separating myself from Zoey and looking towards Laura would be the answer after all. But could my guilt stomach that? After what I did to her using these powers?
That is all I am willing to say for the time being. However, keep in mind that now that I have fully manifested, I will always be with you.
With those parting words, the spirit faded into the shadows of the room, and a whirlwind of darkness poured into my right shoulder. The vacuum effect that had tugged me out of Laura¡¯s body was now tugging that strange creature into my arm. As the room settled down and the creature disappeared, I felt a burning sensation in my shoulder. Pulling my sleeve down, I noticed a boldened line like a dash stretching out across my shoulder. It was a sign that my body no longer belonged to just myself. I was the host to a powerful spirit now, and any sense of normalcy from now on truly was only but an illusion.
Volume 2 Epilogue I - Gwen
My new school in Fulton County is a trainwreck. The lunches suck, the teachers don¡¯t give a shit, and don¡¯t even get me started on that sorry excuse for a cheer squad. Krista and I alone could dance circles around any of these girls on our worst days. There¡¯s like, maybe two of them that can even do a simple cartwheel. Just what the fuck have they been doing for the past three years? After watching them practice for a while the other day, I decided that I wanted nothing to do with them despite joining the squad and ended up eating lunch alone today. Well, it doesn¡¯t matter anyway. I only have six or so more months of high school left and I¡¯ll have graduated. All I need to do is ride this out.
My life in Deer Valley is now over. I decided to move in with my aunt in Atlanta because I couldn¡¯t be bothered living in the same city as Zoey anymore. Now that she knew about my phobia of bees and had shown her willingness to laud it over me, it would be idiotic of me to risk my life by hanging around that psychotic person. At the very least, she shouldn¡¯t be able to bother me here. My parents were fine with the move too. They never really gave a shit about me anyway. I only regret leaving my older brother behind, but I still have my car so I can visit him sometimes if I really want to.
¡°Hey, mind if I sit here?¡±
I flinched at the sound. My nerves were still shot from what happened last week, but I appeared to be doing a good job at hiding it. I turned to look up from my lunch tray. What I found was a tall male standing at the table I was seated at with his own food in tow.
¡°Knock yourself out,¡± I said, looking back down at my prison food.
¡°Thanks.¡± He took a seat, slipping his backpack off to his side after putting his tray down. ¡°I¡¯m on the basketball team, you know. I thought I¡¯d get to know the newest cheerleader since she was so cute.¡±
¡°Oh really? ¡°I responded without looking up to him, wondering when it was that I said I¡¯d joined the cheer squad.
¡°Yeah, so what¡¯s Deer Valley like? Y¡¯all got Benjamin Otto over there, right?¡±
I supposed that asking about one of the best teams in Georgia made sense, but for some reason it felt like an excuse to talk to the transfer student cheerleader that was unfortunately the talk of the town.
¡°Had, he got kicked from the team.¡±
¡°Huh? Oh right, I heard he fucked a ref up. He got kicked from the team? Free win for us then.¡± I ignored him and took another bite of my lunch and found my phone vibrating on the table? ¡°Say, you should come to basketball practice after school. I¡¯d like to talk to you some more.¡±
¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡± I opened the text, and the sight of Tristan¡¯s name expunged a sigh from me. Just what could he possibly want now after everything he¡¯s done? Him and his bitch girlfriend can go to hell for all I care.
¡°You okay?¡± the boy asked.
¡°Look, what¡¯s your name?¡± I said finally.
¡°My name? I¡¯m-¡°
¡°No, it doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯m sorry, but you know there¡¯s a reason that no one¡¯s sitting next to me, right? It¡¯s not because I can¡¯t make any friends. It¡¯s more so that I don¡¯t care to. I appreciate the effort, but you¡¯re just wasting your time by talking to me.¡±
¡°What? Why don¡¯t you wanna make friends though?¡± He smiled.
¡°Because it¡¯s high school. No one I meet here is going to matter to me in five years. We¡¯re better off sparing each other the heartbreak and just going our separate ways now rather than later.¡±
The boy seemed bewildered by my statements, but he shrugged and took his tray and left. I should have probably been nicer, but seeing Tristan¡¯s name seriously pissed me off on top of everything else. Just what could he possibly have to say to me anyway?
I opened the text message and found a single video ready to be opened. Was it the film he was working on? How did he get it done so quickly? Well, whatever. It was my script, so I was interested in seeing how those two acted it out. There was some hesitation because of all the bad memories I¡¯d carried associated with him and the school, but I decided to swallow my aversion to everything related to Deer Valley High and put my earbuds in.
---
The gorgeous Deer Valley scenery of Lake Irma. Crystal clear, stone-filled waters reflecting the afternoon sun, the shore peppered with green grass and sprinkles of stone. It was the scenery of my home. It¡¯s only been a week, yet I could feel the swelling of nostalgia forming on the inside of my stomach. A casual breeze strolled through the interior of the restaurant deck that Lance had been leaning over, his black tux fitting him far too well for just an impromptu filming. The empty look on his face was, as far as I could tell, one of genuine disillusionment. The ambience of the restaurant behind him from the chatter and the sounds of cutlery against plates only served to isolate him further from the fun behind him. He had placed his wineglass on the railing to his right and had been picking apart small pieces of bread and tossing them into the lake.
Eventually, after a few moments of us, the views that is, being immersed in his loneliness, the sight of a woman in a beautiful wedding gown popped into the shot, leaning on the railing next to Lance. The two of them stood in silence, listening to the water on the lake splash as the fishes surfaced to nibble on the bread.
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¡°I came to keep you company since it looked like you were alone, but¡¡± Naomi looked down at the aquatic creatures below.
¡°These fishes are better company than the ones behind me,¡± he said, pointing back at the restaurant.
She sighed. ¡°Half of those are my guests, you know.¡±
¡°They¡¯re fine, it¡¯s the other half I¡¯m not really feeling.¡± The rabbit picked apart another piece of bread and dropped it into the water, then took another sip from his wineglass. I had to say, I was impressed with his acting. ¡°Congratulations, by the way.¡±
¡°Oh wow, you remembered. How sweet.¡±
¡°The wedding was two hours ago.¡±
¡°And it took you two hours to congratulate me.¡± Lance rested his head on the handrail, and Naomi smiled. ¡°What? I¡¯m just joking.¡±
¡°Do you think he¡¯ll make you happy?¡±
The question seemed to come out of nowhere. So much so that Naomi¡¯s perfect smile crumpled into an expression of confusion. I wondered how many takes it took for them to get that shot done?
¡°What do you mean? I didn¡¯t marry him as a fashion statement. Of course I think-¡±
¡°Happier than I would have made you?¡±
Naomi paused to stare at the rabbit, whose head was still pressed to the handrail. She turned around to check her surroundings, then leaned in closer. ¡°Don¡¯t do this here.¡±
¡°Do what? I¡¯m just asking a question.¡±
¡°We broke up twelve years ago. Why are you still asking this?¡±
¡°Don¡¯t make a bigger deal out of this than it has to be,¡± he said.
¡°I¡¯m going to, you¡¯re asking me about this on my wedding day.¡±
¡°It¡¯s just a fun little what-if. Why are you avoiding the question so much?¡±
¡°Because I don¡¯t know.¡±
Lance lifted his head and stared at Naomi, but in doing so he knocked the wineglass off the railing and into the lake before them. It was an action that I definitely did not write into the script, so that was all the rabbit defying his namesake.
¡°Why did you do that, you idiot?¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry, okay? I forgot where it was.¡±
The fishes had a nice drink of whatever juice it was they¡¯d put in that glass, it seemed.
¡°Wait, forget that. What do you mean you don¡¯t know?¡± Naomi said, steering the conversation back to the script.
¡°I don¡¯t know if you¡¯d have made me happier. But that¡¯s not important, is it?¡±
¡°How is it not? Isn¡¯t that the most important part?¡±
¡°The most important part is being there at all. It doesn¡¯t matter how happy you would¡¯ve made me if we got this far. You were never around, and he was. He cared, and he tried, and you didn¡¯t.¡±
Lance gulped. ¡°Yeah, but¡¡±
¡°Gosh, why are you making me relive any of this on my wedding day? Today isn¡¯t about you.¡±
¡°You¡¯re free to leave then. I have my own guests to accommodate.¡± He went back to picking apart his bread and dropping crumbs for the fishes. ¡°Aw, I scared them off.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t get it. Why weren¡¯t you there for me if you were gonna regret it on my wedding day?¡±
¡°Here, fishie fishie.¡±
¡°Here we go again. This is how I know I made the right decision. You¡¯d think that after all these years you would¡¯ve changed by now.¡±
¡°I only asked you because I was curious, you know,¡± he said.
¡°Yeah well, you ruined my wedding day now so thanks for that.¡±
The rabbit turned around and started nibbling on the remainder of the bread himself. ¡°That¡¯s my bad then.¡±
Now it was her turn to rest her head on the handrail. The crux of the scene relied on how they would deliver this next part. They had done well so far minus a few fumbles, but they played off them surprisingly well, so it turned out okay so far. I also had to note that the shots they¡¯d taken, from the establishing shots and the shots of the fishes in the water, as well as the overall pacing of the scene made it feel surprisingly well done. Tristan and Jaz must have gone all out on planning this. Even the mic wasn¡¯t picking up the wind.
¡°Why weren¡¯t you there for me back then?¡± Naomi asked.
¡°I wanted to be someone worthy of you.¡±
I felt my heart jump out of my chest. Even the rabbit¡¯s face was in genuine shock. And honestly, I couldn¡¯t blame him. The second I saw her whip her face up, with those tears streaming down her face, my mind had gone blank. Why was Naomi crying? I didn¡¯t write that into the script.
¡°What do you mean, idiot? That¡¯s what you broke my heart over? I should throw you in with the wineglass.¡±
¡°Wait, stop. Where did this come from?¡±
It probably didn¡¯t warrant saying, but Naomi Fraise had gone completely off script.
¡°You idiot, you¡¯re already perfect the way you are. Why do you think going on some pointless journey of self-discovery this late into the game means anything? You¡¯re so stupid! You know what? I¡¯ve decided. I¡¯m throwing you in.¡±
¡°Wait, stop!¡±
Unfortunately for the unfit Lance, Naomi was built to play volleyball despite how mediocre she was at it, so she managed to catch him by surprise by scooping him over. He didn¡¯t brace himself at all, most likely due to his own confidence that she wouldn¡¯t be able to do it. The large splash was caught perfectly from inside the restaurant, though the actual view of Lance¡¯s body falling into the lake had been obfuscated by the wooden floors.
¡°Why¡¯d you do that?!¡± he yelled.
¡°Screw you! I¡¯m going back to enjoying my wedding.¡±
¡°Naomi!!¡±
¡°What?!¡±
Lance¡¯s face, though it was pretty far from the camera, I could tell was bright red with embarrassment. He bit his lip and took a deep breath.
¡°I still love you!¡±
Naomi was frozen in place. Those magic words petrified her like the curse in a fairy tale. They had for a moment, anyway. They had gone completely off script by that point, but¡ they did eventually get back on the rails in the end.
¡°It¡¯s too late, Lance. It¡¯s done.¡± She turned away. ¡°I didn¡¯t need the person you wanted to become. I just needed you.¡±
She finished it off with the final line from the script, then walked back into the restaurant.
---
It was upsetting. The tips of my fingers were jittery. I caught myself gulping. No, it wasn¡¯t that they had gone off script. At the end of the day, what does and doesn¡¯t make it into the final film is the director¡¯s decision. I knew that the second I wrote the words. No, what upsets me is how beautiful what those two have is. I could feel their love through the screen. From Lance¡¯s desire to be a better person for her, and Naomi¡¯s acceptance of him as he is.
Perhaps my romanticization of loneliness had come too soon. I might have been coloring the world through my experiences with Zoey Brahm. Not everyone is bound to ruin things the way she did, and there are plenty of wonderful people out there. Just one look at the moon bracelet on my wrist that I had gotten from Penny was proof of that.
And Tristan¡ the fact that he did such a good job of putting this together on such short notice for the sake of his friends¡ I loved it. As much as I hated to admit it, I really did enjoy the time I spent with him. I just, truly wish that he wasn¡¯t attached to that girl the way he was. But maybe there is something I can do about that from here.
As I shifted through my contacts, I decided to open up my text history with Lawrence. After steeling myself, I typed in everything I knew about Zoey Brahm. I naturally left out anything that could possibly implicate Tristan, but I needed to do something about her. Since I believed that he was the only one with the bravery, the will and the clout to fight against her, it was the natural choice.
Once I sent the message, I looked over at the cheer squad having their lunch over at another table. Perhaps it was time for me to move on. My little dance with loneliness was fun, but this film helped me to realize that life is much better with genuine people by your side. Thank you so much, Tristan, I hope you have a nice day today.
Volume 2 Epilogue II - Zoey
¡°So? What happened?¡±
Lawrence had been sitting there for the past ten minutes since classes were out, pompous and smug, on my clubroom¡¯s couch as if he owned the place. His feet were kicked up on the table with no respect for the fact that people used that table to drink tea and place their belongings, nor for the fact that the underside of his dirty shoes were clearly visible to me.
¡°Laura and her boyfriend have broken up. I called her this morning,¡± I said.
¡°Oh, have they?¡±
¡°They have. I guess I must have convinced her that he wasn¡¯t a good match for her.¡±
¡°Well, that¡¯s a relief I guess.¡±
He didn¡¯t sound relieved at all, far from it in fact. His eyes were steadily analyzing my expression, as if looking for some kind of error on my part. Not that he would find one, as I¡¯ve made it a point to be perfectly aware of the type of face I am making at all times.
¡°I liked your film, by the way. It was sweet.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t compliment me, all I did was edit it. The actors and the director did all the heavy lifting.¡±
¡°Yeah?¡±
For some reason, even though he¡¯d just praised me, his eyes carried nothing that hinted at his desire to for me to appreciate his words. He just kept on looking at me. Like a hunter marking its prey.
¡°Is something the matter, Lawrence?¡° He didn¡¯t respond right away. His dagger-like gaze was firm, as if he was trying to unnerve me. I playfully squinted my eyes at him. ¡°Lawrence? Are you in there? Hellooo?¡±
After staring into my face for a few more moments, he sat up in his seat.
¡°Alright, why don¡¯t we get down to it then, Zoey?¡±
¡°Get down to it? I did everything you asked, what more is there-¡°
¡°You bullied Gwen, didn¡¯t you?¡±
I paused.
¡°Bullied her? What are you¡¡°
He briskly walked towards me.
His threateningly large figure towered above me.
I was seated, so it was only natural that he was much taller than I was, but it didn¡¯t change the fact that he had more than a few inches on me height-wise even while standing. His build, while not as bulky as Ben¡¯s, was also quite sturdy due to his constant working out.
He placed his hand on my chin, still looking down on me with his hardened gaze. I didn¡¯t respond. I merely matched it as I lowered my eyebrows. I was in the palm of his hands. Whatever he wanted to do to me, he could have done. But I would not let him know that I was on edge.
But he let go after a few moments. He removed his hand from my chin and made his way to the back of the room, on the other side of the curtain. After kneeling, he examined the almost indiscernible openings in the wall for a moment.
¡°I wonder what these are, Zoey?¡±
Tristan?
It was Tristan.
It had to be. No one else knew about the holes.
He must have shown them to someone. Gwen, I imagine. The little insect. She¡¯d wormed her way so far into his heart that he¡¯d betray my trust like that? I can¡¯t imagine what else he told her in that case. Dream Paralysis? No, that¡¯s impossible. He knows the consequences for that, and plus I confirmed that he hadn¡¯t told her.
¡°So, you¡¯ve been spying on me then?¡± He turned back towards me and grinned.
¡°Spying on you?¡±
¡°Oh, don¡¯t play dumb. If you really wanted to do it with me Zoey, all you needed to do was ask.¡±
¡°It¡¯s a good thing I never asked then,¡± I said.
His grin faded.
¡°Do you know what your problem is, Zoey?¡± He stood up. ¡°Even if you¡¯re nearly as smart as you think you are, you¡¯re still human. You can pretend that you¡¯re above everyone else, that you don¡¯t care about fucking, but you do. And these peepholes of yours are proof of it.¡±
¡°What are you getting at? That I should have sex with you like all those other girls do?
¡°No. Because unlike them, you¡¯re not worth it. Nothing about you is worth everything else I¡¯d have to deal with. I wouldn¡¯t date you, I wouldn¡¯t fuck you, I probably won¡¯t even look your way anymore once we¡¯re done in here.¡±
¡°Oh?¡± I folded my legs. ¡°And why is that?¡±
¡°Because you ruined Ben¡¯s future.¡±
¡°Oh, I did? Did Gwen tell you that too?¡±
¡°Yeah, she told me that you convinced her to do it. She said that apparently Warren knows too, but he never told anyone because he was scared that she¡¯d get expelled. Well guess what? She¡¯s already transferred out. Your leverage is gone. What happens if I go to the principal¡¯s office right now and ratted you out? Hmm?¡±
¡°I¡¯ll probably get expelled, and Ben may have a chance at salvaging his high school ball career.¡±
¡°Right. So tell me, why shouldn¡¯t I walk in there right now and ruin your life the way you ruined Gwen¡¯s life?¡±
¡°I ruined it? Just me? You¡¯re the one who told me about her bee allergies, remember? If anything, you¡¯re just as guilty.¡±
¡°You think I don¡¯t feel bad about that? How was I supposed to know that you were going to try to fucking kill her?! Are you completely insane?!¡±
¡°What is insane, anyway?¡± I looked up at the ceiling out of curiosity. ¡°If anything, I¡¯m just being logical here. If Gwen goes around telling everyone my secrets, then I¡¯d be in trouble, right?¡±
¡°Yeah, you got Warren to stay quiet because of your stunt. But then she told me because of it, and now your life¡¯s over. Unless you can give me one good reason not to fuck you over right now.¡±
I had to admit. He had me. I was surprisingly out of moves. So long as he didn¡¯t care about me telling everyone about his extra-curricular activities, then he had the upper hand. I didn¡¯t want to get expelled. I probably wouldn¡¯t have minded it too much a few months ago, but now that I needed to be a part of Tristan¡¯s life, now that I needed Dream Paralysis, I couldn¡¯t afford to be expelled.
¡°What do you want?¡±
¡°I want you to tell Ben everything. Tell him why you led him on, tell him why you cut him off, then tell him why you went as far as to have Gwen drug him. He deserves that much.¡±
It wasn¡¯t much. I could find an easy enough lie that could convince him to get off my back. I didn¡¯t think that it was much of a punishment at all.
¡°Sure, I can do that.¡±
¡°And,¡± he continued.
¡°And¡?¡±
¡°You¡¯ll go out with him for one month. For real.¡±
¡°Why would I do that?¡±
¡°It was a part of the bet you made.¡±
¡°And he lost.¡±
¡°Yes, because you cheated. A deal¡¯s a deal, Zoey. If you didn¡¯t like the results, then you shouldn¡¯t have made the bet in the first place.¡±
What would a month of dating Ben look like, anyway? Initially, it probably wouldn¡¯t have been too difficult to glide through the month without doing much of anything romantic. He was completely submissive to me back then. But now that he knew I¡¯d ruined his life, I don¡¯t imagine that it would be a painless month for me.
¡°You¡¯re really condemning us both to that? Never mind that I would rather not spend any time with him, you¡¯re the one who called me a bully and said that I ruined his life.¡±
¡°You¡¯re a smart girl, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find a way to get through it,¡± he said, returning to his seat at the sofa.
He was awfully smug. As if he were enjoying rubbing it all in my face. A month with Ben? It wouldn¡¯t be easy, but with Tristan¡¯s help I¡¯m sure I could manage something. That is, assuming I convinced him to warm up to me again.
¡°Okay, fine. You win. You and Gwen have played your little hand. Arrange the meeting for tomorrow and I¡¯ll do as you say. Are you happy?¡±
¡°Nope, just one more thing.¡±
¡°What is this, a shopping list?¡±
He removed the shoe from his right foot, and then his sock. It was so absurd that I almost didn¡¯t believe what I was seeing. Here I was, conceding to every single demand that he¡¯d been making, and he was still disrespecting the club room.
¡°Lawrence, what are you-¡°
¡°Kiss it.
I went quiet.
¡°Yeah, you don¡¯t like that one, do you? You¡¯re nothing if not prideful. I know this one will sting.¡±
He was right. I did not like it. I did not like it at all. He said that he wasn¡¯t interested in sex, but he may as well have been asking me to fellate him at that point. It was humiliating to the point where I got sick to my stomach.
¡°Not a short kiss, either. Make it at least ten seconds long.¡±
He pulled his phone¡¯s camera out.
¡°Why?¡± I asked.
¡°Because. Gwen needs something to ease her pain. You¡¯re a proud, spiteful bitch who thinks she¡¯s better and smarter than everyone. So I promised her. I promised her that I¡¯d send this video to her so that she could get some closure from all of this.¡±
¡°Gwen¡¯s closure is my lips against your dirty feet?¡±
¡°Gwen¡¯s closure is watching you grovel in the mud like the disgusting human being you are. Now get on your knees so we can both move on with our lives.¡±
He lifted his phone up and started recording. I couldn¡¯t not make a painful expression. I hated the thought of it. Not just the thought of humiliating myself by kissing his feet, but that I was being forced to really, physically acknowledge his victory over me by worshipping him.
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¡°Clock¡¯s ticking, Zoey. You don¡¯t want the principal to find out about this, do you?¡±
But really, he had played his cards perfectly. I only had the one recourse left. It was unfortunate, but he really got it out of me.
I knelt at the foot of the table anxiously staring down at that disgusting foot with dried skin on the ball. The callused foot of an athlete. I didn¡¯t want to, but if I¡¯m not able to retaliate, then there¡¯s nothing to do but submit.
Slowly, I leaned my body forward towards his foot. The gut-wrenching stench that had filled the room was growing closer and more pervasive. I pinched my nose as I drew closer.
¡°No,¡± he said. ¡°Let me see your face while you do it.¡±
Reluctantly, I removed my hand from my nose and moved my face closer. I was only a couple of inches away now. Would he shove it in my face? No. He wanted it to be a completely voluntary act on my part. He wouldn¡¯t do such a thing. That¡¯s why he was grinning from ear to ear as he recorded. Like a sick beast.
¡°Pfft¡¡± I snickered.
¡°What?¡±
I couldn¡¯t hold the act together anymore. I fell onto my back and exploded into laughter. I almost couldn¡¯t breathe, rolling around on the carpet as I held onto my gut from the sheer amusement.
¡°I-I¡¯m sorry. Your¡ your face, hahahaha!¡±
¡°Yeah yeah, very funny. You can stop laughing now. I¡¯m going to tell the principal if you don¡¯t get up and do it, you know.¡±
I did my best to contain the laughter as I sat up on the ground.
¡°Huh? Oh, sure. Go tell him. I¡¯m not kissing your feet, Lawrence. Or anyone¡¯s for that matter.¡±
¡°Yeah?¡± He hurriedly put his sock and shoe back on with so much force that I thought he¡¯d rip the laces out. ¡°Think this is a fucking joke, huh? After you ruined Ben and Gwen¡¯s lives?¡±
¡°The only joke here is you.¡± I wiped the tear from my eye.
¡°Yeah, well, I hope your expulsion was worth the joke then.¡±
He got up and walked over to the exit. He was probably disappointed, but being rid of me would be a nice consolation prize, I imagine. He no longer had to worry about me threatening to release any information on him, nor about messing with him or his friends any longer. He could take solace in those facts.
¡°Oh, Lawrence?¡± I called out to him as he was about to leave through the door. He was about halfway out when he stopped. ¡°What do you want now?¡±
¡°Before you leave, could you help me with the computer? There¡¯s something I don¡¯t quite understand.¡±
He shut the door and stepped back inside.
¡°Are you being serious right now?¡±
¡°Please? I¡¯ll even consider going through with your request if you help me.¡±
I was still seated on the floor, knelt at the table, when I asked him to check on my computer with a smile on my face. Tristan is like that too. No matter how much he hates me, he still thinks of me as a woman. That¡¯s why they always listen to my requests. They want to feel needed by me. They want to feel necessary. It¡¯s their desire to own me that propels them. Oh, I understand it. I understand my strengths all too clearly, Lawrence. But the question is, do you understand yours?
¡°You¡¯re asking me this when I¡¯m about to ruin your life?¡±
¡°Well, the photography club must go on even if I¡¯m gone, right? Your club needs our press too, after all. You could at least do that much for me. Please?¡±
That seemed to give him pause. He walked back into the room, right past me, then sat at the computer.
¡°All right, what do you want?¡±
¡°Right there, on the desktop. See the browser I¡¯m using?¡±
¡°The browser?¡±
¡°Yeah. I wanted to change it to something better. Do you think you could help me?¡±
¡°Huh? Uh, sure, let me just find it-¡°
His words got stuck in his throat. I don¡¯t blame him, really. There was no browser on my desktop, after all. I removed it all for this moment. Knowing that he would have to individually go through every single desktop icon, until the file titled Laura.mp4 made its way into his field of vision. It must have stuck out to him like a sore thumb considering how much he cared for her.
¡°Zoey, what is this?¡±
¡°Oh, that? Please pay it no mind. More importantly, the browser¡¡±
¡°Zoey? I¡¯m not going to ask again. What. Is this?¡±
¡°And I¡¯m telling you, Larry.¡±
He flinched at the sound of his name.
¡°Don¡¯t call me¡¡±
¡°If you open that video file, you won¡¯t have the courage to antagonize me anymore.¡±
I leaned over to catch a glimpse of his expression with wide, thirsty eyes, and it didn¡¯t disappoint me. The anxiety and fear that colored his face gave me a rush.
¡°Zoey, if you hurt her then I swear to God-¡°
¡°But Larry-¡°
¡°Don¡¯t call me Larry.¡±
¡°LARRY,¡± I continued, almost giggling. ¡°If you never open that video, it¡¯s like nothing¡¯s even wrong! You can just go on with your life as if nothing happened. You can report me to the principal, and I¡¯ll be expelled, and everything will be fine. But if you open it, do you really think you¡¯ll have the strength to antagonize me anymore?¡±
He paused to think. For what it¡¯s worth, I did think Lawrence was intelligent. Surely, he should have seen what I was talking about. If you¡¯re unaware of someone¡¯s leverage over you, then you won¡¯t be impeded in acting against their interest. The problem is, you won¡¯t be making an educated decision if you act without that knowledge. The question here was, did Lawrence care more about destroying me, or protecting Laura?
¡°Yeah, maybe you¡¯re right. You¡¯re just trying to distract me,¡± he said.
¡°It¡¯s true, I am. You shouldn¡¯t forget what you came here for, right?¡±
I walked off and fell into the sofa, still grinning.
¡°You may think I¡¯m joking,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°But I really am going to do it.¡±
¡°As you should. It would be the smart thing to do.¡±
He stood up, clearly disoriented from the stress, then took a deep sigh.
¡°Are you sure you don¡¯t just want to accept the deal, Zoey?¡±
¡°I could stomach dating him for a month, but I¡¯m not going to kiss your feet.¡±
¡°I¡¯m not budging on it.¡±
¡°How unfortunate.¡±
He bit his lip, clearly disappointed with how things turned out, then walked over to the exit once again.
¡°Goodbye, Zoey Brahm.¡±
¡°Goodbye, Lawrence Young.¡±
He took a final long look at me, as if trying to gauge what I was actually thinking.
But he should have learned by now that trying to understand my true feelings was impossible for him. His look of joy when he thought that I was going to submit to him was proof of that. Only Tristan was capable of a feat like that thanks to Dream Paralysis.
After letting out another sigh, Lawrence left through the door.
He was gone, and it was all done. With nothing left to do, I lifted a magazine up from underneath the table and opened it up. It was a magazine I¡¯d gotten for free along with the purchase of my new camera. It was a shame that I¡¯d broken the old one, but it turned out to be for the best since the new one was better suited for film. I suppose I should thank Warren for angering me after homecoming.
In any case, I couldn¡¯t understand why people read magazines in the first place? They¡¯re kind of inferior to the internet in every way, and all they exist for is to sell ads to people. Though I suppose, as a hobbyist, there¡¯s nothing you¡¯d want more than people selling themselves to you through ads by showing off the best product in your field of interest. Tech showcases, for example, are just glorified ads. And yet people make such a big deal out of them year in and year out.
Come to think of it, is advertising even as inherently as annoying as people make it out to be? Take this Canon EOS R6, for example. A camera far outside my budget, and yet I can¡¯t help but salivate at the thing. The videos I¡¯ve seen of the autofocus on this camera are borderline AI. I can¡¯t believe that I was born at the same time as this camera.
Sometimes, I fantasize about these amazing products and how many cool things I¡¯d do with them. They motivate me to climb up in the world and make myself more money, all for the chance of owning and using them to my heart¡¯s desire. Perhaps I¡¯m just a product of modern America; a slave to consumerism. Laura might say that my pleasure-seeking through products like these is just me trying to find temporary refuge from the truth of my own mortality. But to her I say, maybe I just want to try using a fancy two-thousand-dollar camera for once?
The door opened once again. I looked over from the magazine and found Lawrence standing in the doorway.
¡°Done talking to the principal already?¡± I smiled.
He didn¡¯t respond to my snide comment. In fact, he wasn¡¯t even looking at me. He was staring at the desktop. With a brisk stride, he moved over and sat at the computer in no time, took a deep breath, then opened the mp4 file before him.
My only regret in that moment was that I hadn¡¯t thought to record his reaction to it all. As I sat there, lounging in the chair, watching him skip through the timelapse of his sister having her insides rearranged by Jacob, I couldn¡¯t help but wonder if God truly existed after all. There was no other explanation for how something so joyous could ever happen to me. Watching the twisted horror etch itself on his face as he realized that he no longer had any say over my life probably felt even better than whatever Laura had felt on the other side of that screen.
¡°So anyway, you were going to tell the principal-¡°
As I spoke up, he stood up and grabbed the monitor in front of him, then threw it to the side, cords and all, slamming it into the ground and causing a large thud to echo throughout the room. He stood over the ruins of his anger, heavily panting while still in a daze over what he¡¯d just seen. He had finally come to the realization that Laura Young, despite her Christ-like demeanor, was just like any other girl.
¡°You¡¯re going to have to pay for that, you know.¡±
He didn¡¯t respond. Not that he needed to. That outburst was like a ringing bell, signaling my victory.
¡°What was it that you said earlier? My problem was that even if I¡¯m nearly as smart as I think I am, I¡¯m still human? What does that make you then, Larry? An animal enslaved by his base desires? Even though I told you not to open that video, you just couldn¡¯t help yourself, could you? Incestuous little beast that you are. Did you want to watch your sister get fucked that badly?¡±
¡°Shut the fuck up¡¡±
He took a peek at my wide-eyed smile in his anger. It was a threatening expression, but he didn¡¯t frighten me. He no longer held any power over me. It was quite the opposite, in fact. I was no longer just a human to him. I had just become his God.
¡°I should have hurt you,¡± he said.
¡°You should have, but you didn¡¯t. And you¡¯ll regret it for the rest of your life.¡±
He bit his lip. ¡°Are you going to spread this? Who else has it?¡±
¡°Only I do. And I won¡¯t if you do as I say.¡±
¡°How do I know that?¡±
¡°Because if it spreads anyway, then I won¡¯t have any more leverage over you, and you¡¯ll ruin my life. Laura found the other copy on Jacob¡¯s phone and deleted it.¡±
¡°So, she doesn¡¯t know that you have this?¡±
¡°And she will keep not knowing unless you want it spread all over the internet.¡±
He flinched in anger, almost as if he wanted to fling himself at me. It was a look Tristan had been giving me all week. What is it with these men and resorting to violence when I¡¯ve bested them? It¡¯s always so thrilling to see that animalistic rage flare up in their eyes.
¡°So what do you want then?¡± he asked.
I moved the magazine off to the side then thought for a second.
¡°Hmm, if you can promise you and Gwen won¡¯t spread anymore unfortunate information about me, then I suppose this little video will never see the light of day.¡±
¡°That¡¯s¡ that¡¯s all? You promise?¡±
¡°That¡¯s all. I won¡¯t release this or anything else I happen to have on you so long as you two never try to interfere with my life again.¡±
He didn¡¯t respond. He merely shifted his gaze back to the floor in disgust.
¡°I¡¯m not that cruel. I wouldn¡¯t use something as terrible as this to force you to do something bad,¡± I said.
¡°And yet you¡¯re using it all the same.¡±
¡°Yes, I am cruel. I believe we established that when I had Benjamin drugged.¡±
He clenched his fist. I had to admit, a part of me was thrilled by it. Rousing his anger, then slowly plucking his feathers while he held it together. Whatever love was, I¡¯m certain that my feelings in that moment were far better than any mutual romance ever could be.
¡°If that will be all, Zoey¡¡±
¡°Oh, no it¡¯s not. Not even close.¡±
¡°But, you said¡¡±
I slipped my shoes off using my feet, my eyes still examining his face. The confusion he had been expressing, the confusion that warped into anger as my now half-undressed legs went up onto the table, was like a shot of ecstasy running through my body. I reached both hands under my skirt and dragged my translucent tights down my legs slowly until they were off completely, unveiling my bare feet.
¡°You motherfucker¡¡±
I tilted my head with a smile. ¡°Kiss it.¡±
¡°You said all I had to do¡ you said all I had to do was leave you alone. That¡¯s all. I even double-checked!¡±
¡°You did.¡±
¡°So, what the fuck, Zoey?!¡±
¡°You owe me a favor, remember? Back when we first arranged our exchange. I said, that at some point I would call upon you for a favor. A favor that you have to listen to, no matter what.¡±
¡°This¡ is a favor?¡±
¡°It is, Lawrence. What was it you said? That Gwen needs closure? Helping me to give her this gift for trying to ruin my life would indeed be a huge favor, don¡¯t you think?¡±
¡°You ruined Laura¡¯s¡¡±
¡°No, you ruined Laura¡¯s. Her life was fine until you threatened me into being her babysitter.¡± I sat up. ¡°You got comfortable with me, Lawrence. I don¡¯t know why you did, but you decided that you could threaten me into being your gopher. And for that I apologize. Because hell hath no fury on whoever considers themselves my equal.¡±
¡°Even¡ Tristan?¡±
I didn¡¯t respond. The rumors that the two of us were dating had already circulated throughout the school. I made sure of that. If I were to rein Tristan back into my orbit, then everyone knowing as much would be integral to pressuring him back my way. Regardless, it didn¡¯t matter what Lawrence thought of it. He no longer held any power over me. I offered him a smile, then leaned back in my seat and pulled my phone out.
¡°For no less than ten seconds, Larry. And let me see your face while you do it.¡±
Unlike me, he had no more cards to play.
He reluctantly leaned forward, gently grabbing hold of my foot, before sharing a gentle kiss with its underside. The thought that I would be able to watch this video for the rest of my life was filling me with such joy that it truly did feel like Christmas had come early. The tears rolling down his face as he submitted himself to me in order to save his sister were the icing on the cake. Just how much do you love her, Lawrence?
It¡¯s funny. All love is to me is another method through which I can get people to do as I please. It¡¯s the path of least resistance. So to see people like him who would bend over backwards for someone else for the sake of their love is almost comically confusing to me. There are other methods of manipulation besides love, of course. Mutually beneficial co-existence. If both parties benefit from staying on good terms with one another, then they¡¯ll be less incentivized to betray each other. My photography club ensures that every student who is a member of a club will wish to stay on my good side, and so they¡¯re more willing to grant me favors or forgive transgressions.
And then, finally, there¡¯s fear. Fear, as in, I have just threatened that if Lawrence Young dares to cross me again, I will burn his entire life and everything he cares about down to the ground. Fear is a performance. The tension before the unveiling, building it up in his head before I finally revealed what was hiding behind the curtain with his own hands was instrumental to securing the elevated state of shock. While fear unfortunately comes with animosity, it¡¯s an effective short-term motivator that has granted me a piece of cinema on par with even Hitchcock¡¯s greatest.
Keeping the house of lies afloat is how I¡¯ve lived my entire life. It¡¯s how I was raised. It reminds me of a time before the divorce, where I studied nuclear doctrine and deterrence theory to the point where I became obsessed with its application to human relationships. But still, there¡¯s no denying that pushing against someone¡¯s boundaries to have a little fun like this isn¡¯t worth it every now and then.
Once the kiss was done, I flipped the recording over to the front camera, then flashed a peace sign into the picture. She had lost, and she would know it now. With the sight of a crying Lawrence at my feet, and my riveting smile, Gwen Diaz was now out of cards to play.
Volume 2 Epilogue III - ???
Once Zoey was done with her meeting with Lawrence, she did her best to clean up the broken monitor and requested a replacement with the school. They were quite disappointed in her for having smashed it in such a way, but since it was an accident there wasn¡¯t much that they could do. Once everything was taken care of and the replacement was set, it was already sundown. Thanks to daylight savings time, it was beginning to get dark quite early now compared to before. Not that it mattered to Zoey, who got home from the safety of her vehicle. Deer Valley was a relatively safe city by American standards. Some drug and homeless person-related incidents, but not much in the way of violent crime or kidnapping.
Zoey strode through the darkness alone with her head filled with thoughts of Tristan Collins. Now that everything at school was taken care of, she could now devote the entirety of her attention to him and Dream Paralysis. She had expended all of his good will to deal with the undesirables, but they were all gone now.
Gwen Diaz could have graduated from Deer Valley High without any issues had she just stuck with Benjamin. But instead, she decided to attack Zoey by trying to take Tristan away. She never did quite figure out why Zoey was so interested in him, but that she had attempted to sway him at all was already a step too far. When Lawrence warned Zoey that Gwen and Tristan had left the mall together, she decided to create a fake injury to lure Tristan over to their place. She had decided that their little outing had to be interrupted before the depraved fool said something he shouldn¡¯t have.
Once the two of them were leaving though, she had heard them both when Gwen tried to re-enter her home. She¡¯d heard her express her irrational fear of bees at the door. That they induced a state like that of an anxiety attack. When she called Lawrence the next day, she decided to ask about it. He proceeded to tell her that Gwen had terrible bee allergies that would put her into anaphylactic shock if she ever got stung. Taking advantage of that was simple. All Zoey needed was to capture a few bees and give her a nice birthday gift. And while doing so was not a simple task, it was a fun project that helped stave off the drowsiness she had been fighting. Bees are attracted to sweet smells, which is why she avoided wearing her perfume the next day, and why she had given Gwen a separate, fruity scent to try on before releasing them.
All she needed to do was have Tristan pull the trigger on betraying her, and everything would fall into place. In Gwen¡¯s mind, there would be no hope for crossing Zoey anymore. The thought of opening her locker and being assaulted by bees, of having one or two float around in one of her classes. It didn¡¯t matter if she reported Zoey. After all, she could just tell them about her involvement in the rigging of the basketball game. Of course, there was a chance that she would throw it back her way. But that would end in them both going down, and, in Gwen¡¯s eyes, she had far more to lose than Zoey did.
Lawrence, on the other hand, involved far more social engineering on her part. There¡¯s only one thing that would get him to back off from her, she realized, and that would be some form of blackmail involving that Christian sister that he¡¯d threatened her over. Once Zoey figured out that Laura had a boyfriend, she decided to come up with a plan. The first thing she decided was to have her lower her defenses when it came to sex. And for that, she tried her own hand at the girl. While there was the distraction in the middle, things did wind up the way they were meant to. The two exchanged a deep passionate kiss, and her curiosity towards sex grew slowly over the week until their next meeting.
Her boyfriend was loving and caring, but he was also a man. Once Zoey had gotten Tristan to leave Zoey with him outside of the church, she asked him if he knew Enzo. When he said that he¡¯d only known him in name, Zoey told him that herself and Enzo shared a secret pastime. The two of them shot sex tapes with their partners without them knowing and shared them with one another. Herself and Tristan, and himself and Krista. He seemed iffy about the idea initially. Zoey thought that she might have been a bit forward, and she recognized it immediately thanks to his hesitance. But once she reeled it back and played it coy, he seemed to lean into the idea of taking control of the conversation and getting involved.
The number she gave him wasn¡¯t Enzo¡¯s, but the number of a second cellular phone she had acquired for the purpose of this next deception. Unfortunately, she did have to pretend to be Enzo and send him a risqu¨¦ photo of herself to prove that they had indeed been swapping sexual content, but it didn¡¯t matter. She had him delete the photo from their message history in case it got revealed to Tristan later. The photograph itself wasn¡¯t nude, but it seemed to convince him that the sex tape trade was worth his time.
She convinced him to make and send it to her that night, and that¡¯s why she had Tristan hack him. She needed him to have Jacob¡¯s copy deleted before it could spread anywhere outside of her control. But why would she do that? Why would she risk having Tristan ruin everything by deleting the video before it got sent? It¡¯s simple. Because he can¡¯t risk Dream Paralysis being revealed. That was the leverage in this situation. To do something as complicated as deleting a video from a phone or fighting against sending a message would require so many precise, minute movements against the original body owner¡¯s will that it would easily reveal that his body was not under his control. Worse yet, he might even get kicked out before he managed to do anything.
His only safe move was to hack either of them while they slept and delete it then. As it turns out, the idiot actually tossed the phone to Laura and had her find the video, but thankfully it turned out okay. In any case, Zoey had decided in hindsight that there were far too many points of failure in this plan, and things did go wrong multiple times. It might have been due to the fact that she came up with it all while sleep deprived, and she hadn¡¯t thought about any failsafe measure. But it turned out okay in the end thanks to Jacob¡¯s desire to view risqu¨¦ content of Zoey Brahm. As for Jacob, he¡¯s probably upset that Enzo hasn¡¯t sent him anything in response. He might confront the real Enzo about it later and realize the truth, but it wouldn¡¯t matter at that point.
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The real issue was that Enzo did fancy Laura quite a bit despite his relationship with Krista. Once Zoey called him and told him what she had done to Jacob, he laughed and agreed to play along if he was allowed to view the video. Unfortunately for him, she couldn¡¯t risk him redistributing it himself. But at the very least, she decided that she would grant him an in-person viewing at some point if he truly wished for it, but only once he was certain that Jacob was done bothering him about it.
¡°Phew.¡±
She sat down in the driver¡¯s seat of the car.
It was a tiring month for Zoey Brahm, but now it was all over. Benjamin, Lawrence, Gwen, Warren, all of them were finally taken care of.
Now, it was finally time for her to take on the final boss.
Her Dream Paralysis demon, Tristan Collins.
How would she do it?
Would she weaponize his friendship with Lance as leverage? Or maybe she¡¯d have to manipulate Jazmine in some way? The girl did go behind her back and tell him about Tanner. Zoey gritted her teeth. She only needed him for his programming expertise, and yet he had caused her so much trouble.
No, it didn¡¯t matter, Zoey decided. She would deal with it. She always dealt with it. It didn¡¯t matter how much the odds were stacked against her. She truly believed that, if she had enough time to think, she could get herself out of any situation.
Yes, she truly believed that.
Until she felt something cold and circular against the back of her neck.
¡°Don¡¯t turn around. Keep your hands on the wheel.¡±
The words were enunciated clearly enough so that she could follow his instructions.
It was a man¡¯s voice.
A familiar man.
Of course, how could she have forgotten?
The deadline was today.
She was no longer free.
¡°You¡¯re not in the playground anymore, Fraulein.¡±
¡°Oh, really? I was under the impression that-¡°
The blow to the side of her head dealt by what she recognized was a gun in the rearview mirror had caused her head to go hurdling toward the side window.
¡°Did I give you permission to talk? No, Fraulein. I am unfortunately quite familiar with the kind of person you are. You will not be talking your way out of this one.¡± It was a shock, to be sure. For once, Zoey was forced to abandon her most potent weapon, her silver tongue. For the first time in her life, she was enveloped in genuine fear for her life. ¡°Lake Irma. Drive. And if you even think of diverging from the route, I¡¯m putting two in the back of your head.¡±
She had a lot that she wanted to say, but she didn¡¯t want to risk angering him. There was blood dripping down the side of her face. He truly hadn¡¯t held back with that blow. This man, unlike Tristan or Lawrence, did not fear the use of violence against her in spite of her gender. And she had no doubts that he was capable of killing another person. However, she did not start the car. She sat in silence, as if protesting.
¡°What? You think I won¡¯t kill you?¡± Oliver smiled, still pointing the gun at her. ¡°No, you¡¯re smarter than that. You know that I could easily cover this up with the spirit. So why¡ oh. That¡¯s it? You think I still believe that you¡¯re the other spirit host?¡±
She held her breath.
¡°You poor child, I always knew you weren¡¯t the real host. The second you took your phone out to make that call after I linked with you on campus, I had a suspicion. No, you¡¯re only the secondary host.¡±
The term secondary host meant nothing to Zoey. What was he talking about? Did she have a sort of secondary spirit inside of her?
¡°It¡¯s not that I didn¡¯t link with you since then, Fraulein. It¡¯s that I couldn¡¯t. You should remember what happened the first time I tried. It was like an alarm bell ringing through your head, wasn¡¯t it? You felt a painful resistance, like a migraine. It forced you to expel my attempts thanks to your familiarity with the power. That¡¯s because your soul is attuned to the other spirit, the spirit of the body, as one of its two secondary hosts. To rewrite your soul into the shape of my spirit of the mind would be slow and agonizing. You would realize it right away and force me out. That¡¯s right. It¡¯s not that I didn¡¯t link with you, it¡¯s that I couldn¡¯t.
There were a lot of terms he was using that Zoey didn¡¯t understand. Spirit of the mind? And that meant that Tristan¡¯s was the spirit of the body? Did this man¡¯s power function differently? And if he couldn¡¯t hack her, then that meant she had avoided sleeping for the entire week for nothing? It suddenly dawned on her that without access to Dream Paralysis, she was running a rat race. There was no real exit to be found here. He had her corralled away in her ignorance, running around as if there were a goal or an exit somewhere. Zoey couldn¡¯t respond even if she had permission. The man had had her in every sense. This wasn¡¯t like manipulating high school students. He was craftier than most adults. And worse yet, they were playing by entirely different rules.
¡°Yes, someone else is the real host. Someone close to you. Someone you trust. You¡¯ve already ruled your mother out for me, thankfully. The girl you were with that day, she¡¯s also clean, isn¡¯t she? I linked with her too immediately after you. And since your father¡¯s out of your life, that leaves your little school friends, doesn¡¯t it? Of course. You and your friend, whoever it is, possesses the single most powerful ability in the world. And rather than using it for something worthwhile, you¡¯ve been using it to score beer and to find out if Timmy like Sandy. No, the host could only be another school friend.¡±
She bit her lip. It frustrated her to hear him disparage her because she did, in fact, have grander plans for Dream Paralysis. But Tristan needed to be groomed for the role. She couldn¡¯t just convince a regular person to murder bad apples out of nowhere. It was a slow and delicate process, made even more difficult by the people she needed to take care of first.
¡°Hey.¡± He caressed the back of her neck with the gun. ¡°Start the car. We¡¯re going to Lake Irma. You¡¯re going to be telling me everything you can about the host.¡±
¡°And what if I told you now? Would you let me go?¡±
¡°And how would I verify that, exactly? I don¡¯t know what they look like, so it¡¯s not like I could link up with them, could I? No. You¡¯re not leaving my sight until we find the other spirit. Do you understand me?¡±
Zoey nodded hesitantly, and Oliver leaned back in his seat. ¡°Lake Irma, Fraulein. And don¡¯t do anything crazy.¡±
Reluctantly, Zoey finally started the car.
¡°Once we¡¯re there, you¡¯re going to give me access to your private Instagram. From there, we¡¯re going to slowly link with every person you¡¯re friends with until we narrow it down. Don¡¯t worry. If you¡¯re lucky then you¡¯ll get to go home by morning.¡±
She would not be lucky, however, as Tristan¡¯s Instagram account was a blank slate with a fake name, a fact that even she herself was not aware of. However, it didn¡¯t change the fact that she knew that he would not be found. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing was irrelevant. What mattered was that she would probably not be home for a long time, or maybe even at all for that matter. After thinking for a moment, she resigned herself to her fate and reversed out of her parking spot, then headed out onto the road, with no certainty that she would ever return to human civilization.
Volume 3 Prologue I - Tristan
No one at Deer Valley High pledges their allegiance to the flag in the morning. The custom is not enforced by teachers or the school, and at some point, they had stopped bothering to even ask. The refusal to do so isn¡¯t out of protest for the flag or the country, but rather out of apathy towards such a tedious morning routine. Besides, I¡¯m certain that the Founding Fathers wouldn¡¯t mind. The freedom to, or not to, is what they had all worked so tirelessly for, after all.
Yes, no one at Deer Valley High pledged their allegiance to the flag in the morning. That is, except for that small boy named Kenneth Bain. I wasn¡¯t sure what drove him to do it exactly, whether it was out of religious patriotism or merely his desire to do things by the book, but he would insist every day that he be allowed to take the pledge before the flag. Neither the students nor whatever unfortunate teacher had been assigned to his class in the morning were particularly enthused, but it didn¡¯t eat too much into the allotted class time, so no one exactly bothered to voice any protest.
So, who exactly is this Kenneth Bain character? Well, he¡¯s not a rose. He is not a lily, a daisy, a tulip, or even a sunflower. He was more akin to a prickly poppy. And in addition to his position as captain of the chess club, his reputation naturally became what it was due to that quirky personality of his.
His face, peppered with pimples the size of small beads, cocked upward, jumping the small thin frame of his glasses hanging from his nose as he placed his right hand across the chest of his plaited vest and said the words we all knew so well. The eagerness in his voice was overshadowed by both the subtle lisp that he was almost infamous for, and the sparkle of his braces every time he pronounced a word that required the flashing of his discolored fangs.
Yes, Ken was a rather thorny character. During class, he would make it a point to ask the teacher as many questions as possible about the given topic. It was a habit that irked some of the students, but others enjoyed it as it tended to derail the class and cut into the hour, allowing them to avoid doing as much work or note-taking as they otherwise would have. While we had been seated in a Spanish class that morning, I hadn¡¯t remembered anything about what he asked in particular. What I do recall, however, was the growing frustration that even our teacher had a difficult time concealing, though even that was lost on the eager Kenneth Bain.
I hadn¡¯t seen him again until our lunch break. He was chowing down on his food with his mouth open, the smacking of his lips audible to anyone within his immediate vicinity. His choice of lunch was the same kind of egg salad sandwich he¡¯d eaten every day before then, no doubt prepared for him by either one of his loving parents. Anyone who knew him knew that he would often speak highly of both parents, as his father and mother were both spectacular chess players who had no doubt gifted him their love for the game. It was also worth noting that Ken¡¯s clothes were always freshly ironed and well kept, something that couldn¡¯t have possibly been his own doing, as he was so clumsy with his hands that he¡¯d be covered in burn marks if he were ever allowed to operate an iron on his own.
After lunch, the school headed to the auditorium for the shows that were to be put on. While it had initially been a standalone performance by the drama club, the school had permitted the photography club to project our short film as a sort of opening act for their rendition of Twelve Angry Jurors. Kenneth, of course, being a stickler for the rules, was present, and didn¡¯t appear too pleased with the circumstances. His routine was being disturbed, and it seemed to have put him in a bad mood. His chess club friends found it difficult to talk to him in that state, where his arms were crossed and his brows were furrowed so hard you could see the creases forming irreversible marks on his forehead.
Once everyone was finally seated, the film, which I assume had been screened by the teachers beforehand, was projected onto a large white screen that had been erected onto the stage. Gwen Diaz¡¯s script and my directing had come to life in a spectacular way before a crowd of hundreds of other students, as Lance and Naomi¡¯s acting had given breath to a film that had moved the girls in the crowd so deeply that you could hear the audible ¡°aw¡±¡¯s in the hall.
Ken¡¯s reaction to the film was something I had expected to take on an indifferent or even unamused shape. It didn¡¯t appear to me, or to anyone for that matter, that he was one to take interest in the interpersonal relationships of others. He had always been in his own world, following his own routine, seeking his own pleasures.
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But something about the film had apparently spoken to him. His eyes were glued. His mouth hung open. His breathing slowed. The boy, who had just earlier seemed to be in dismay over the disruption of his routine, was now entranced by the story we had put together. My father always said that film changes the way we view the world around us. And if that¡¯s the case, then perhaps this would be another example of that. But at the very least, in this moment, Ken had apparently considered something outside of himself and his immediate surroundings.
All the cheers and praise that had come once the film had ended couldn¡¯t take me away from Kenneth Bain. My eyes were intently focused on him as he sat in silence, ignorant to the discussion his friends around him had been engaged in. He was so deep in thought that drool had come trickling down the bottom of his lip. And he remained deep in thought even as the sacrilege the drama club was putting on had long since taken the limelight of the stage.
Once school had ended, Ken immediately headed to the chess club. There, he no doubt played many games with his friends, studied game openings and chess puzzles, and most importantly, enjoyed the time he spent with the other members of his club. And once that was done, he headed out at 5pm which was around when his doting mother had made her way to school after her long day of work was done, and the two of them left to head back home.
Kenneth Bain is not a rose. He is not a lily, a daisy, a tulip, or even a sunflower. He was more akin to a prickly poppy. The limelight will never be his, and he certainly doesn¡¯t inspire adoration in the general student population. Most people go through their lives at school dealing with good things and bad things, but I¡¯m certain that in the back of their minds, there¡¯s a thought lingering inside of there that they can¡¯t repress.
¡°At least I¡¯m not Ken.¡±
I know this because, up until today, I was the same. I don¡¯t consider myself to be a spiteful or judging person, at least not any more than the average person is. But even still, I would often find myself looking down on Ken just as everyone else did. But today, when I saw him eagerly pledging his allegiance to the flag, a realization dawned onto me.
Ken was not attractive. He was not sociable. He annoyed almost everyone around him just by being himself. He found it difficult to function outside of the very narrow purview of his routines and interests. And yet, after spending all day observing him, I came to a realization that I was not actually better than Kenneth Bain. Because for all the things people didn¡¯t like about him, at least I could say that he was happy.
He enjoyed pledging his allegiance to the flag. He was passionate about his classes. He loved eating the same food every day. He had fun playing chess with his friends at club. To Kenneth Bain, every day was something to look forward to. Yeah, I¡¯m not Kenneth Bain. I¡¯m not the prickly poppy that no one wants to touch. But at the very least, he seemed to enjoy his days swaying in the wind.
I don¡¯t know when it happened, but I found myself crying in one of the bathroom stalls after class. My entire body was heavy with guilt. I felt like I had been run over by a truck. My stuffed nose made it difficult to continue crying, but I kept going anyway. Perhaps it had been the sleep deprivation. I found it difficult to go back to bed after everything that had happened last night. The spirit had receded into my shadow, which was for the best as I hadn¡¯t wanted any attention from that person today, but feeling its lingering presence was just like carrying an extra weight of guilt.
I wanted to rip my own beating heart out of my chest. It was a worthless thing that had run me down this terrible path. Thinking back, it was all destined to go this way when I allowed her to convince me to hack her mother. I recalled how we partook in the forbidden fruit that day, and how I had been tangled in her web ever since.
How could I have let my desire for one girl cause so much ruin? Was I that weak-willed? Was my life so utterly worthless without her that I would choose to cast my humanity away for just a bit of her praise and attention? Even the taste of her lips hadn¡¯t washed away the stain of my guilt.
A part of me had wondered all day today. What if I was like Ken? What if, rather than being led around by the nose by a girl who barely even recognized my existence, I had simply lived for my own happiness and the people who cared about me? What if I spent my life in pursuit of simple pleasures rather than some fantasy of a magical life with a girl who would watch me drown without batting an eye?
I hadn¡¯t known what the future would hold. But there was one thing I knew for sure. Before I decided how I wanted to live my life, I needed to right my wrongs. The wretched consequences that were eating away at me needed to be dealt with. I don¡¯t care what happens to me in the future, whether Zoey tries to tell everyone about Dream Paralysis or whatever else. My only concern was to clean up my mistakes, and perhaps eventually, if I can even conceivably forgive myself for everything I¡¯ve done, then I would like to try living a life as blissful and pure as the one Kenneth Bain lives.
Volume 3 Prologue II - Zoey
No one warned me that rowing a boat would amount to this much physical and emotional turmoil. I was tempted to throw myself into the lake just to escape from it all. The ripples in the water that left a trail as the small boat glided across the calm surface almost seemed to taunt me in my distress.
Perhaps I was starting to lose it, but its serenity seemed to be laughing in the face of my plight, reminding me that the fatigue in my arms mattered not to the peace of the world around me. Though the full moon had shined a week ago on Gwen¡¯s birthday, there was still enough moonlight tonight cast for me to find my reflection in the water. Mine, and that man¡¯s as he kept his gun trained on me just a few feet away. His choice of using a rowboat over something with a motor was no doubt as a result of his desire to cross without attracting too much attention.
He was determined to get me to his destination alive. I would be lying if I said that thought didn¡¯t also play into the intrusive thoughts I had of throwing myself overboard. There¡¯s a non-zero chance that I could steal the gun in the ensuing chaos once he tried saving me. And, even if I couldn¡¯t, at least my death would mean that he wouldn¡¯t win.
No, that¡¯s probably not true. Tristan is an idiot and would probably get found out eventually. The only way to deny Oliver his victory is to kill him myself. There¡¯s a small chance that I could with the oars. I could knock him unconscious if he let his guard down, then steal the gun in that moment. But even that seemed like a pipe dream with how tired my body was. Still, it was better than nothing. I just needed to find a way to distract him.
¡°What is Dream Paralysis anyway?¡± I asked, struggling to row us to our destination.
¡°Dream Paralysis?¡± he asked.
¡°Is it an evil spirit? An alien? A science experiment gone wrong?¡±
His eyes narrowed. ¡°How long have you and your friends been playing with that power?¡±
When he said ¡®friends¡¯ with an s, I couldn¡¯t help but feel unnerved. Did Tristan tell someone else about it? It wasn¡¯t Gwen, I already confirmed it. Lance maybe? Or was Oliver just guessing that there were more of us?
¡°I¡¯m not interrogating you,¡± I said. ¡°If you don¡¯t want to tell me about it then it¡¯s fine, I just thought it would be entertaining to ask about it.¡±
¡°Entertaining, eh?¡± He leaned back. I searched for an opening, but his eyes were still trained on me. He didn¡¯t seem to be willing to let his guard down. ¡°How familiar are you with the history of this city?¡±
¡°I know Andrew Jackson was desperate to steal it from the natives because of the gold pockets.¡±
¡°Gold, yes. That was the official reason given by Mayor Ficklemann all those years ago.¡±
¡°Official?¡±
¡°You¡¯re familiar with the Order of Lady Irma, yes?¡±
¡°Oh, you¡¯re one of those fanatics?¡± I feigned surprise. ¡°What do they think again? That Christ¡¯s going to come born again from the lake right here in Deer Valley?¡±
¡°Lady Irma is the second coming of the Virgin Mary. And so, it stands to reason that Christ will be reborn again through her at this lake.¡±
¡°And where does it say that? Who is this Lady Irma that¡¯s convinced you of all of this?¡±
¡°Why, you are.¡±
It was hard to disguise my utter disappointment at his conclusion due to my fatigue.
¡°I am? Really?¡±
He nodded. ¡°You. You are going to lure the other host of the spirit here, and through your sacrifice, the two spirits will become one, and Christ will be reborn through me.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t understand. Is this a prophecy someone made up?¡±
¡°Watch where you¡¯re taking us, the cabin is a little more to your left.¡±
I looked back and noticed that I had rowed us slightly off course while we were chatting. A cold breeze ran through the strands of my hair as I did my best to look through the chaos of red in order to steer us back on course. I turned back and found him smiling.
¡°The Order of Lady Irma was founded by myself once my father turned the mind spirit over to me.¡±
¡°Mind spirit?¡±
¡°Before we get to that, I believe you were asking about a prophecy.¡±
¡°You¡¯re picking your nose.¡±
The man caught himself with a finger joint-deep into his nostril, then pulled it out and wiped it off on the side of the boat.
¡°Apologies. As I was saying, the discovery of gold in East Georgia might have led to the outcome you¡¯re describing, but the narrative of there being riches here was partially manufactured. You see, what the history books neglect to mention is the fact that there was never any evidence of gold found or excavated from the mountains around Deer Valley. Strange, isn¡¯t it? And yet the Cralixi tribe that inhabited these lands were forced to leave along with the rest of them. The reason for that is because Ficklemann, who was surveying the land for pockets of gold, found something far more precious than the ore.¡±
¡°The spirit?¡± I asked.
¡°The figure of a woman hovering above the lake. With her dark hair, she was described to be similar in appearance to the natives of the land. Ficklemann found her along with his small team and believed her to be the second coming of the Virgin Mary. You can imagine, to be greeted by a sight like that is enough to turn anyone Catholic; even a devout Protestant like him.¡±
¡°That explains all the old churches.¡±
¡°Indeed. He believed that her presence meant that these lands around the lake were blessed by the Father in heaven Himself. This is why he sought to claim the land as his own. Him and the surveyors dubbed her Lady Irma, after the unofficial name of the lake at the time.¡±
I sighed, still wishing I could stop rowing. ¡°And yet no one¡¯s seen or heard of Lady Irma since the land was settled by Europeans.¡±
¡°Of course not. The Cralixi traditions and worship surrounding the spirit are exactly what kept her pure. Once they were forcefully removed, the spirit¡¯s essence had warped into something more sinister. A vengeful witch that sought revenge against the peoples who desecrated the land.¡±
¡°And that¡¯s what Dream Paralysis is? The vengeful spirit of Lady Irma?¡± I raised an eyebrow. ¡°If that¡¯s the case, then why bother attaching itself to living things?¡±
¡°Because it is the nature of man to consume through his own greed. Was it not greed that caused Jackson and Ficklemann to cleanse the lands of the Cralixi? Was it not greed that caused so much nature to be torn down in exchange for the concrete civilization built around the lake? Why wouldn¡¯t a spirit, who cannot directly interfere with the world around it, not weaponize man¡¯s own greed to sow chaos from within his own society?¡±
I had a hard time understanding what he was saying. Supposedly there was a spirit that lived in the lake that was worshipped by the Cralixi. Once those people were removed, the lack of upkeep of their traditions caused the spirit to descend into anger and madness. It became whatever Castro is now in order to get revenge on humans.
¡°But then why are there two spirits?¡±
As I asked the question, a blob of darkness bubbled up from the water¡¯s surface, coalescing into the creature I had seen all those weeks ago with the deer skull. My hands let go of the oars as I reeled back in surprise.
¡°Ah, did it scare you?¡± Oliver asked.
I still had no idea what that thing was capable of. It only showed up once during the basketball game. ¡°That¡¯s the spirit of Lady Irma?¡±
¡°It¡¯s half,¡± he said.
¡°Half?¡±
The spirit¡¯s body left a trail through the water like a splotch of ink. Its deer-shaped skull tilting at my question.
Oliver, you are speaking far too candidly.
I flinched. ¡°I... it can talk?¡±
¡°Ah, so the main host¡¯s hasn¡¯t spoken yet? They must not have used the spirit very much then. Perhaps this will be easier than we thought.¡±
Do not underestimate them.
¡°I know I know, but that¡¯s still good news.¡±
A drop of sweat rolled off the side of my face. In my surprise, I had given him far too much information. It seemed like the spirit learns how to talk the more its power is used.
¡°What¡¯s going on here?¡± I asked.
¡°Why don¡¯t you keep rowing if you want me to talk?¡± After pondering his words, I allowed my hands to fall back onto the oars as I tugged them through the water. ¡°You see, the spirit your friend possesses is the spirit of the body. With it, the host is able to project his soul into the bodies of others. There are complications that come with it, since you¡¯re molding the shape of your own spirit to match the body you¡¯re projecting, but it is a powerful ability to be sure.¡±
The complications, meaning the residual effects on his soul after a hack that resulted in temporary neurological and physiological changes.
¡°And that¡¯s what you meant earlier about your father? Your spirit lets you project your soul into their mind or something?¡±
¡°Correct, Fraulein. Rather than controlling their body and feeling what they feel, I can think what they think, and even project intrusive thoughts into their mind. And while they sleep, I can scan for any memories I please.¡±
¡°Any, except me.¡±
¡°Except you and the other hosts, correct again. Since you¡¯re a secondary host to the spirit of the body, your soul has developed a natural immunity to my projections.¡±
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Since only Tristan and I should know about the power, then there was no need for me to worry about him reading other people¡¯s minds. He probably won¡¯t find anything worth noting from anyone.
¡°And what about you?¡± I asked the spirit. ¡°Are you the one who told him about this prophecy? The one of Jesus Christ being born from my sacrifice?¡±
Who is the other host?
¡°My, aren¡¯t you tight-lipped? That¡¯s okay, I didn¡¯t need to know that badly.¡±
At my words, Oliver grinned.
¡°We¡¯re going to find out who it is eventually, you know.¡± He pulled my phone out of his pocket and wiggled it around. ¡°Once I attempt to read the minds of everyone on your social media, I¡¯ll have no doubt that I¡¯ll figure out who it is.¡±
He probably wouldn¡¯t find anything related to the spirit, but I pretended to be frustrated and gritted my teeth. Still, this entertaining talk of ours had granted me substantial new information about the power.
- The spirit that lived in the lake before the Indian Removal Act of 1835 was a spirit with the appearance of a Native American woman.
- The removal of the Cralixi tribe and their customs caused the spirit to descend into a vengeful madness, splitting into two distinct entities that leapt from creature to creature in search of a human host.
- The goal of these spirits is to exploit human greed to take revenge on the species via a host due to a spirit¡¯s inability to interact with the physical world without one.
- Each spirit has the ability to link the host with another creature. One spirit grants the ability to link with another human¡¯s body, and the other links with their mind.
- There is apparently a prophecy that states that the two halves of the spirit will become whole through the sacrifice of the reincarnated Lady Irma.
But if everything I¡¯m imagining is right, then there¡¯s still some vital information missing from his explanation.
¡°What happens to you once the two spirits become one?¡±
It was just for a brief moment, but I saw it. His smile had disappeared. That cocksure,
condescending grin of his was wiped off his greasy face for just a second. Finally, I had secured myself an angle in the conversation.
¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯d like to know Fraulein. We¡¯re almost there. Just keep rowing.¡±
¡°Hmm,¡± I continued. ¡°If I had to guess, I¡¯d say that you¡¯d be able to carry out the
perfect hack once you obtained them both. One where you¡¯re in complete control of both their mind and their body. You¡¯d be able to project into them without worrying about rejection like you would with only one spirit.¡±
¡°Stop at the dock,¡± Oliver said.
I slowed the rowing down as I gauged our distance from the nearby dock. ¡°I don¡¯t
think it¡¯s quite that simple though. I¡¯m wondering. Wouldn¡¯t you be capable of not just linking to another person, but permanently transferring your soul to another person¡¯s body? Maybe through a body swap, or perhaps you¡¯d outright shove them out of their bodies. Either way, if that¡¯s true, then I think that gaining both spirits could be called some form of immortality, no?¡±
The boat stopped moving once it collided with the edge of the dock.
¡°Get out,¡± he said.
¡°What, no answer?¡± I turned to face the spirit. ¡°What about you, Lady Irma?¡±
The spirit said nothing. It seemed as if I was onto something.
¡°Of course, that¡¯s only if everything the spirit¡¯s told you so far is the truth, isn¡¯t it Oliver? For all you know, it could be lying to you. It wants to use human greed to destroy human civilization? How can you prove that? Perhaps once the spirits are joined, they¡¯ll be the ones pushing you out of your body? Have you ever thought about it that way? If all the spirit needs is a physical connection to our world, then why wouldn¡¯t Lady Irma cut out the middleman to enact her revenge?¡±
This is why I told you not to underestimate them.
It seemed like the spirit sensed something in Oliver. Did I get under his skin with that? He must have been having some doubts.
¡°Get out of the boat,¡± he said again.
¡°Still no comment? Okay, then what about this hypothesis?¡±
At my words, his gaze finally left me.
All he did was roll his eyes, with a sigh.
But I had been waiting for something like this.
Just that small action was all the opening I needed.
I moved my left hand over to the right oar and moved to swing it with everything I had.
I didn¡¯t hesitate.
It was a clean reaction.
I would strike him down, steal the gun, and put an end to him right that second.
That was the plan, anyway.
What exactly happened in that split second, anyway?
I thought I had lost consciousness.
My mind must have gone blank as the cloth was suddenly pulled over my mouth from behind.
What was with that reaction time?
How did they get to me just as I moved for the swing?
Who was it?
Did someone show up from behind me without me knowing?
¡°So you really were trying to find an opening?¡± Oliver sighed. ¡°Honestly, it¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve had to deal with someone whose mind I couldn¡¯t read. And of course, it¡¯s a brave little girl like you. This has been an interesting experiment. Even though I can¡¯t hear the words, I¡¯ve read so many minds that I know what kinds of thoughts are associated with which expression. You¡¯re an open book, Fraulein.¡±
The mysterious stranger moved over and took my hands and bound them.
¡°W-w-what should we do with her, Oh Great Prophet?¡± A male voice asked from behind me.
¡°Take her to the cabin. We¡¯ll be keeping her there indefinitely.¡±
¡°Y-yes¡ I shall.¡±
A cabin? He¡¯s going to keep me in a cabin? The man had such little interest in me now that I was caught that it felt that I was losing my chance to escape.
¡°Say Great Prophet, uh¡ I don¡¯t know how to ask this¡¡±
¡°Speak your mind.¡±
¡°I was just wondering, uh¡ C-can I do her?¡±
Oh, and I¡¯m going to get raped too? Isn¡¯t this fantastic?
¡°I-I mean look at her, c¡¯mon. Will you let me? J-just once boss. Please. I-¡°
I found it curious.
There¡¯s something uniquely paradoxical about the sound of a gunshot.
It¡¯s so absurdly abundant in practically every piece of media relating to audio that it was practically a clich¨¦. Movies, news stories, cartoons, music. And yet, experiencing it in a real-world situation for the first time had left me awestruck.
My ears were ringing.
I honestly thought I was dead.
However, the grip on my wrists had loosened.
My back was suddenly doused in water.
I turned around slowly, still deaf to whatever was going on around me.
There was no one behind me anymore.
As if I had been silenced by a ghost in the wind earlier.
All that was left was the large ripples left in the lake behind me, and the dark red that slowly spread through the water.
¡°- the boat.¡±
I couldn¡¯t hear whatever it was that Oliver was trying to tell me.
Even when I felt the cloth on my mouth being removed, my eyes were still focused on the body of the man that sank down to the bottom of the lake.
¡°- out of the boat.¡±
The ringing was fading, and my hearing slowly returned.
¡°I¡¯m only going to ask one more time. Get out of the boat.¡±
¡°You killed him.¡±
He clicked his tongue.
¡°Yes, I did.¡±
¡°Did he disgust you that much? You could have just told him not to.¡±
He sighed. ¡°Did you forget what this spirit lets me do? The second he opened this mouth, his fate was sealed. That¡¯s because, he had decided to go through with his plan. If I said no, he would have had his way with you the second I left the cabin to do something else. There was no path forward where that man could be allowed to live.¡±
¡°I see.¡±
I still hadn¡¯t taken my eyes off the Lake. The thought that someone that sinister had me in his captive just moments earlier might have sent a shiver down my spine had I the time to realize it. I wonder what it was that I felt as the water calmed, eventually returning to its serene state. Fear? Relief? Anger? Disgust? The whirlwind of emotions inside of me were causing a storm that I couldn¡¯t seem to calm.
¡°Fine, I¡¯ll ask once more. Get out of the boat.¡±
Unfortunately, there wouldn¡¯t be any time to process it at the moment. Deep down, I was also hoping that someone heard that gunshot and would come to rescue me, but if I delayed it for any longer he might strike me like he did in the car earlier. With great reluctance, I climbed up the dock and walked to the shore. The man followed behind me, still pointing the gun my way.
¡°Does my safety really matter that much to you? You¡¯re going to kill me anyway.¡±
¡°You¡¯re the Lady Irma. Everything I¡¯ve done so far was only done out of necessity for the greater good. You¡¯re still a holy figure required for the rebirth of Christ.¡±
He wasn¡¯t actually looking out for me, I thought. This whole thing was just some sick religious roleplay. If this guy truly created a cult as large as The Order just for some clearly made-up story this spirit told him, then I have a bridge to sell him.
¡°Besides¡¡±
¡°Besides?¡±
¡°There¡¯s nothing I hate more in this world than a rapist.¡±
So there was some kind of empathy in there after all.
¡°I appreciate it,¡± I said.
I wonder what it was I sensed in his voice. It was the most human I¡¯d seen him since we¡¯d first met. The fa?ade of vulnerability he¡¯d shown me while we were on the boat was just a trick. He was testing me to see what I was capable of. He¡¯s far wiser than anyone I¡¯d had to deal with at school. I can tell that a lot of thought goes into the way he deals with other humans. But still, that just cements the fact that he truly did care that something like that might have happened to me because of him, as he risked a lot by shooting that man at that moment. At the very least, I know now that I¡¯ll probably be safe here until Tristan gets caught.
¡°Have you ever seen someone die before, Fraulein?¡± he asked.
¡°Can¡¯t say that I have, why?¡±
¡°You seem to be handling it well.¡±
Truthfully I didn¡¯t care that the man had died. It wasn¡¯t just that he had meant to harm me, no. For whatever reason, after all the talk I¡¯ve heard surrounding things such as PTSD when it came to events like these, it just hadn¡¯t bothered me as much as I had expected. But I suppose that kind of answer wouldn¡¯t be sufficient for him.
¡°My dad worked with dead bodies, I¡¯m used to it.¡±
¡°Do you always lie this much? I¡¯m acquainted with your mother. I know exactly who your father is.¡±
¡°Oh, is that so?¡±
¡°Jeremy Felix, right? I was surprised. A best-selling author, right under our noses in Deer Valley. Not anymore, I suppose. Not since the divorce. I¡¯d ask what happened, but with your lying streak, I think I¡¯d have better luck skimming through Carla¡¯s memories tonight.¡±
¡°Go ahead.¡±
It was no longer about escaping. I needed to kill this man.
¡°The Secret to being Admired. Packed with a philosophical spine so sturdy, and a body of psychology so neatly wrapped around it that it propelled thousands of people out of social destitution and into a sea of clout. I¡¯ve heard that even one or two billionaires attributed their successes in life to the book. And so, I wondered what kind of daughter was raised by this man: the one whose knowledge of love had lifted so many into its light?¡±
¡°And what conclusion have you come up with?¡± I asked.
¡°Walk up the steps.¡±
We arrived at the cabin after about fifteen minutes of walking. It appeared that my question would have to wait until later. The cabin was quite large despite my initial assumptions. Oliver walked me up the six steps over to the right and then through the door of the refurbished cabin.
¡°Oh, Great Prophet.¡±
The lights were already on, and inside I found three individuals wearing deer skull masks inside bowing at Oliver as he entered. There were two men and one woman. The first man, with his large, daunting figure, could have been anywhere from 25 to 40 years old. His rough skin and round body gave me the impression that he was someone who could put you in the ground if you so much as looked at him funny. He sat in the corner of the room with a power drill in hand. Once he was done bowing, he returned his attention to the workshop desk before him and started drilling into some wood, causing the whirring sound to fill the room.
¡°¡¯Hey Peter, the Prophet didn¡¯t give you permission to start making noise.¡±
The dark-skinned man who just spoke up was slightly easier on the eyes. He was a well-built man who looked to be in his twenties, wearing a grey tank top with baggy black pants. He stared over at me with a playful gaze.
Then there was the woman in his arms, similar in complexion, who by comparison, seemed to be looking at me with a sort of disgust that I couldn¡¯t quite place. Her long, straightened green hair was in stark contrast her partner¡¯s short, black hair. She wore nothing but a bikini top and jean shorts, a casual look that contrasted the menacing mask she¡¯d donned.
¡°Zoey, let me introduce you to your caretakers. The large man in the corner is Peter. The man and woman over there are James and Jude.¡±
Caretakers? Captives, you mean.
¡°Hey,¡± James called out again. ¡°Where¡¯s John?¡±
¡°He didn¡¯t have the Fraulein¡¯s physical safety in mind, so I disposed of him.¡±
¡°Good riddance. I always hated that nasty prick. He kept staring at Jude¡¯s tits all day.¡±
¡°Ewww, don¡¯t remind me,¡± she said.
¡°Heh. Hey, let¡¯s go see his body.¡±
¡°You two are to stay put,¡± Oliver said. ¡°I¡¯m going to head out to clean it up. I¡¯ll be in contact with you tomorrow night. Until then, you three are in charge of the girl. And don¡¯t be afraid to gag her. She¡¯s got a mouth on her.¡±
¡°Yes, Oh Great Prophet. Praise be to the Lady Irma.¡±
When Oliver left, the man named James pulled his own pistol out and trained it on me.
¡°Over to the chair, off you go.¡±
He nudged the front of the gun in the direction of a wooden chair that sat at the corner of the room. There were chains at its feet, which meant that, barring bathroom breaks, I¡¯d most likely be spending most of my time in this seat. And very likely, assuming nothing changed, that seat would also become my grave.
I thought back to the bragging I had done to Laura Young earlier in the month. I told her that I planned to die famous and loved by the world around me. What was it she said? Not everyone can die a Napoleon, I think? If Oliver gets his way, then that might be true for me too. In as much as I would like to avoid meeting my end here, I truly don¡¯t know if I can deal with a situation like this on my own.
If there¡¯s any chance of me escaping, it has to be through Tristan. He¡¯ll hack me eventually; he can¡¯t live without me with that power dwelling inside of him. There¡¯s no one else he can trust, after all. And once that happens, we can probably make something work together. If my theory on how Dream Paralysis works is correct, then he won¡¯t be able to chain hack them if he doesn¡¯t know what their faces look like, so those masks are an intelligent precaution on Oliver¡¯s part. But all it¡¯ll take is one slip up for the hack to work. And I have no doubt that I¡¯ll be able to create that opportunity once he¡¯s here. The problem is, if he doesn¡¯t hack me soon, then we¡¯re probably both going to die.
The clock in the room¡¯s ticking filled the silence, as if counting down to the imaginary end of the timer that came with Tristan¡¯s capture.
Tick, tick, tick.
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - I
The aftermath of Lawrence Young¡¯s confrontation with Zoey Brahm had left the former wading through a dense pit of emotional disarray. Bloodied pieces of his broken heart were spilling from his chest as he dragged his feet through the muck of his own despair and away from the room where the devil resided. The journey was arduous. It was a miracle that he had even found the strength to make it as far as he did before he rested against the wall at the top of the staircase. With how much it took for him to travel that far, he recognized that the battle to make it down the flight would be pushing it. But even with that much foresight, he still found himself making the futile attempt, and he eventually lost his balance about three steps away from the bottom.
He fell to his knees and caught his upper body by planting both hands in front of him like flyswatters against a table. The urge to heave the contents of his stomach all over the floor was invading every inch of his body, but he somehow managed to resist it. He needed to be strong. He needed to calm himself down. But could he really? At this juncture? When, at the edge of his vision, he saw those familiar shoes pointing at him from half a dozen feet away?
Why was he here? Lawrence asked himself. The sight of the boy was like a sick joke to him. As if Zoey had stuck another knife in his chest and was deriving some sadistic pleasure by wiggling it around inside the wound. Why had God decided that it would be an amusing jest to place Tristan Collins here? Before Lawrence could think of an answer, he¡¯d already found a new burst of strength surging through him and had pinned the boy to the locker by his collar. The metallic roar of the slam would have been a call that enticed surprised gazes their way had the hallways not been empty. His face was red with rage, as if he could pulverize the boy into a million pieces right then and there. Despite the danger, however, Tristan¡¯s body gave little resistance. His expression was clouded by the dirty-blonde bangs hanging over his face.
¡°It¡¯s you¡¡± Lawrence muttered. ¡°Ever since you got involved with us¡ ever since you started showing your ugly face¡¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± the boy murmured.
The apology only infuriated Lawrence even more. ¡°For what?¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he repeated.
¡°I¡¯m asking a question.¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±
¡°FOR WHAT?!¡±
It wasn¡¯t just the apology that had irked Lawrence.
It wasn¡¯t the singular, translucent tear that ran down the boy¡¯s cheek either.
No, what frustrated him was his own anger.
They were all victims of Zoey Brahm.
Gwen, himself, Ben, and even this boy.
He knew that telling Zoey about how much he cared for his sister was a bad idea.
He knew it, and that¡¯s why he never mentioned Laura to the girl while she still attended Deer Valley High.
But out of desperation, and perhaps the na?ve belief that she was safe now that she wasn¡¯t a student here anymore, he decided that it was better to involve Zoey than to let Enzo do as he pleased.
How na?ve.
If only he knew.
If only he knew the evil that that girl was capable of.
Lawrence Young, angry as he was, had realized that he was staring into a mirror.
His anger at the boy was misguided.
The look of defeat on his face and the lack of resistance that his body was putting up weakened the muscles in Lawrence¡¯s body.
Tristan Collins was shaking.
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said again.
¡°GRAHHH!!¡±
The ring of the locker being struck echoed through both of their ears. A small dent had formed around Lawrence¡¯s fist in the area where Tristan had been just seconds earlier, before he was shoved from Lawrence¡¯s grasp. Neither boy looked the other¡¯s way. The pain culminating in Lawrence¡¯s hand was eclipsed by the anger and confusion he felt for Zoey and Tristan in that moment.
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tristan said again.
Lawrence laughed. It was a laughter that seemed to dance to the mumbling of ¡®I¡¯m sorry¡¯s being whispered under Tristan¡¯s breath. But even that laughter eventually quelled itself, and Lawrence finally eyed the boy, who was staring down at the floor.
¡°Do you know what Zoey has?¡± Lawrence gauged him intently, but there was no response. ¡°The video with Laura?¡±
His head perked up. ¡°She¡ she has the video?¡±
¡°So you know about it..?¡±
¡°She¡ I¡¡±
Tristan¡¯s eyes darted around anxiously.
¡°She what? You what?¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorr-¡±
¡°THE FUCK ARE YOU SORRY FOR?!¡±
The splash of a wet mop being dropped onto the floor soaked Lawrence¡¯s attention off the downtrodden Tristan. He turned his gaze toward the scrappy janitor whose dead eyes were centered on the two of them.
¡°You two kids leavin¡¯ anytime soon?¡±
Lawrence, on the other hand, had the eyes of a hungry lion that wished for nothing but to rip into the stranger¡¯s flesh, but he managed to bottle up the turbulence inside of him with a click of his teeth. There was no point in making a scene over someone trying to do their job, he decided.
¡°If you¡¯re really sorry then come with me.¡±
With just those words, Lawrence made his way out of the building without bothering to look back at Tristan. Whether or not he came made no difference. His mind was already shattered by the events from the inside of the photography club. All Tristan could do was offer him an explanation for what exactly had happened. Whatever he had to say would probably only make things worse, but Lawrence couldn¡¯t help but pick at the wound. How did things turn out this way? How did that video get made? And why did Zoey Brahm of all people have a copy?
Once outside, Lawrence made his way to the parking lot where he unlocked the doors of his infamous CT4. Behind him, the boy followed without even an ounce of strength in his body. Just from looking at him, you¡¯d think that he was in a rougher state than Lawrence was, a thought that frustrated him to even entertain.
¡°We¡¯re going to a coffee shop. Do you have a problem with that?¡± Tristan shook his head immediately without staring back at his opposition. ¡°Do you have to call your parents or something?¡± Once again, Tristan shook his head. Whether he didn¡¯t have to or had just been consumed by apathy was a mystery to Lawrence, but he decided not to think much more of it. ¡°Get in.¡±
Whatever was going through Tristan¡¯s head when Lawrence hit the gas could not have been anything related to the word ¡®safe¡¯. After a minute inside the car, once they had gotten past all the speed bumps near the school, Lawrence had already been driving 35 mph over the speed limit. The engines roar in addition to the sound of the air resistance was overbearing to both their senses. Was it a scare tactic? The ride was so antithetical to the smooth, calm lift Tristan had gotten from Gwen two weeks ago, and yet he said nothing.
Every time the car took a sharp turn, Lawrence noticed through the rear-view mirror that his back-seat passenger seemed to allow his body to move freely to the car¡¯s swerves despite the seatbelt¡¯s cling, as if accepting whatever was about to happen next. The anger that filled him over Tristan¡¯s martyr-like behavior only fueled his desire to press down on the gas pedal. It was only fortunate for them both, however, that they had already arrived near downtown Deer Valley after only four minutes of driving. Once he secured parking, the two of them took to their destination.
The interior of the homely coffee shop welcomed them with the sound of the bell hanging against the door. The heating washed over the cool air from the outside as they stepped into the establishment. Tristan, for a moment, couldn¡¯t help but marvel at the contemporary look of the place. The black and white was such a classy look that, even despite how down he felt at the time, he found himself taken in by the tranquil atmosphere. Lawrence, however, had none of his childlike wonder. He had already seated himself at a table, his eyes trained like a hawk on the boy who still stood near the door. That piercing gaze eventually let Tristan catch himself and follow Lawrence¡¯s footsteps to the table, where he sat facing his angry schoolmate.
¡°Talk. Why do you know about the video?¡±
While Lawrence¡¯s temper had cooled off compared to the unbridled rage that had consumed him earlier, he was unwilling to have any small talk with Tristan. That he wanted answers badly enough to resort to violence had he the opportunity to was apparent enough just by looking at him.
¡°Zoey¡¡± Lawrence gritted his teeth when he heard the name. ¡°Zoey mentioned it to me. She said something about¡ about how she found out that Laura¡¯s boyfriend, that Jacob had something planned, and that she wanted my help to stop it.¡±
¡°Your help? How were you going to help?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°We¡ we never got that far. She couldn¡¯t stop it. She told me he took a video of her. I think Zoey¡¯s plan was to try to get Jacob to delete it, but Laura seemed to have done it on her own.¡±
The boy¡¯s story was all over the place and made no sense to Lawrence. It smelled like a lie. ¡°Is that all? Really? How did Zoey find out that her boyfriend had something planned?¡±
¡°Uh, it¡¯s¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s? It¡¯s what?¡±
¡°Krista told her.¡±
The name was like a bolt of lightning through his body. It was almost like he¡¯d lost consciousness the second he heard the name. Krista Klein. The name brought back memories he¡¯d rather forget. Shaking those aside, he realized that this meant that Enzo was involved. Does this mean that Zoey got the video from Enzo, who got it from Jacob? But she claimed to have the only copy. How, then? Did she get Enzo to send her the video, then have him delete it? Or was she lying about being the only one with a copy? Enzo having a copy would ruin her leverage over Lawrence, he realized, since he would probably end up spreading it around due to his nasty personality. And since she did blackmail Lawrence, then Enzo must not have a copy. So how, then?
No matter how much he thought about it, he couldn¡¯t get any closer to the truth. Nor would he, since he had no interest in getting involved with Krista or Enzo anymore. It¡¯s not like he could anyway. Antagonizing Zoey any further would be like signing his sister¡¯s death warrant. But still. Zoey Brahm, Krista Klein. It¡¯s like every girl he had any major involvement with was fighting to grab hold of his weakness.
A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.
¡°Would you two like anything to get started?¡±
Before he could think of another question, a waitress had apparently appeared next to their table before either of them had even realized it. The black pants that clung so tightly to her shapely figure immediately caught Lawrence¡¯s attention. The suppleness of her body was advertised as clear as day to his preying eyes. As they glided up her body, the curvature of her breasts as they poked mounds into the fitted white button-up only instilled within him a deeper appreciation of her fascinating figure. Not even the plastic smile that attempted to mask the fatigue of her lengthy shift could strip her natural attractiveness that he found in her face.
¡°I¡¯ll have a medium mocha.¡±
He looked away. Despite that attractiveness though, there was no urge within him to make a move. His desire to have her was being poisoned by the video he¡¯d seen earlier. Just the thought of it made him sick to his stomach.
¡°Okay, one medium mocha latte. What about you?¡±
¡°The same.¡±
¡°Sure, two medium mocha lattes. Will that be all?¡±
¡°Yes. Thank you,¡± Lawrence said, still looking away.
Once the girl left, he sighed.
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tristan said for the hundredth time.
¡°You know, I don¡¯t really care if you¡¯re sorry or not.¡±
Tristan went quiet. His eyes hadn¡¯t left the smooth, white surface of the table ever since he¡¯d sat down. The autumn orange was filtering in through the window beside them, dying their meeting in a hint of mysticism that only spurred on the internal wallowing they were both engaging in.
¡°I¡¯m not just sorry about Laura. I¡¯m really sorry about Ben too. About¡ the sabotage.¡±
¡°Jesus Christ, you know about that too?¡± Lawrence leaned back and chuckled to himself. ¡°Let me guess, you know about the hole in the wall too?¡±
Tristan¡¯s silence all but confirmed it. The sorrowful boy before Lawrence placed his right hand on his right cheek and mouth and murmured something.
¡°What? What¡¯d you just say?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°I¡¯m going to fix it.¡±
¡°Fix it? Fix what? You should be happy. You get to date Zoey, and Ben and I are neutered completely. We can¡¯t fuck with her anymore. Or you for that matter¡±
¡°I don¡¯t care about dating her. I want to fix all the bad things that have happened.¡±
¡°Fix things.¡± Lawrence laughed. ¡°You know Ben wants to kill you, right? You took both Zoey and Gwen away from him, never mind the fact that you¡¯re dating one of them. Listen, the guy is a piece of work. I know that better than anyone. You don¡¯t have to make things up for him. Even if he was drugged, that wasn¡¯t an excuse to hit the ref. He dug his own grave.¡±
¡°Someone digging their own grave doesn¡¯t mean that you should just sit back and watch them fall into it.¡±
He wasn¡¯t just saying it because of the current circumstances, and Lawrence knew it. Just last week he had gone easy on Benjamin when he spoke to the principal about what happened at the mall. There was something strange about this boy. He felt it the previous week too, but now Lawrence was certain of it. His disposition was so similar to his sister¡¯s that it caused the hair on his arms to stand at attention. From the cold expression to the words of inhuman understanding of someone who had wronged him so.
¡°Do you feel guilty?¡± Lawrence asked.
¡°I can¡¯t remember a time when I didn¡¯t.¡±
He was so small and fragile. Why hadn¡¯t Lawrence seen it before? This boy, Tristan Collins, was a gentle soul. Gentle, caring, worried about how others would see him. In a girl, such qualities might have seemed attractive, but the lack of masculine traits he¡¯d displayed only made him appear insignificant to everyone at school. He wasn¡¯t confident, he wasn¡¯t strong, and his grades weren¡¯t all that either. But Lawrence saw within him a compassion that reminded him of his incredible older sister. The comparison, like tracing two pieces of text over one another, helped him realize something important about both Tristan and himself.
¡°Do you¡ do you think you help me with Ben then? Genuinely?¡± he asked.
¡°W-what?¡± Tristan reeled back. Lawrence suddenly realized that he was leaning forward over the table.
¡°Oh, sorry.¡± He pulled himself away. ¡°You just, remind me of my... of Laura.¡±
¡°Oh¡¡± Tristan looked away while Lawrence sat awkwardly, scratching his head. ¡°I mean¡ I can talk to him at least, if you¡¯d like.¡±
¡°After everything you¡¯ve been through with him¡?¡±
Based on everything that¡¯s happened so far, Lawrence had already come to realize just how much Zoey seemed to value Tristan. It wasn¡¯t just that she had announced their relationship, but he thought it strange that Gwen was bullied into transferring just as she started getting close to him.
Perhaps he was the secret to finding her weakness? What exactly does she see in him? Lawrence realized that the truth was something beyond his current scope of knowledge. But what he did know was that he saw some of Laura in Tristan. And to him, that was enough. Perhaps he couldn¡¯t save Laura from Zoey, but maybe he could save Tristan. And if Tristan could help him to save Laura by revealing Zoey¡¯s weakness, then that would be a huge bonus for the both of them.
¡°If you don¡¯t care about Zoey then I can make it worth your time. I¡¯m still down to teach you how to get girls. You know, if you want.¡± He grinned while rubbing his nose. ¡°It can be mutually beneficial. I just¡¡± He paused, then chuckled to himself as if realizing something funny.
¡°Are you okay?¡± Tristan asked.
¡°Oh, nothing¡¯s wrong really. It¡¯s just, people call me ¡®The Law¡¯, but I¡¯ve never really felt like I lived up to the name. It¡¯s like, if there¡¯s a fire going on, I¡¯m the kind of person who puts a wall up so it doesn¡¯t spread rather too far than putting it out. I don¡¯t feel like I care all that much about stuff burning to the ground, I just don¡¯t want it to affect my daily life.¡±
Lawrence seemed to realize that this behavior of his must have been precisely why he handled the Ben and Gwen situation so poorly. The whole thing just rubbed him the wrong way. He needed to fix it, but because of how difficult things like this were for him, he decided to lean on the boy who seemed so much like the girl he looked up to.
¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll help you.¡±
Tristan¡¯s mouth didn¡¯t smile. But his eyes, having finally left the surface of the table, said it all. He was willing to put in the work to make things right. Lawrence didn¡¯t know how things would turn out with Ben, but he decided at the very least that he¡¯d help Tristan become someone stronger. And perhaps in return, he could help Lawrence become more compassionate.
¡°You want another girlfriend that badly huh?¡± Lawrence grinned.
¡°I¡ I didn¡¯t¡¡±
¡°Yeah, yeah. Well first things first, we¡¯re getting you a haircut,¡± Lawrence said.
¡°What? What¡¯s wrong with my hair?¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s just¡ I think you could do way better. You have naturally good-looking hair, you know. It¡¯s a waste to use it on that silly bowl cut.¡± Having said that, he ran his fingers through Tristan¡¯s bangs. His face brightened up. The reaction was so sheepish that Lawrence almost responded with a chuckle. He noticed some girls whispering while glancing their way at the table nearby, but he decided to pay them no mind. ¡°Trust me. Chicks will fall in line just to have a chance at talking to you once we¡¯re done.¡±
¡°Right¡¡±
¡°Oh, and here,¡± Lawrence said, reaching into his bag before sliding the book he pulled out across the table. ¡°I mentioned it last week, but here it is.¡±
¡°This is...?¡±
¡°¡¯The Secret to being Admired¡¯ by Jeremy Felix. The recipe for my successes are all printed in there.¡± He rubbed his nose proudly. ¡°Don¡¯t tell anyone else about it though.¡±
¡°Thanks¡¡± Tristan accepted it without a smile. ¡°I don¡¯t think I deserve your help, though.¡±
The self-flagellating words of Tristan Collin¡¯s wiped the smile off Lawrence¡¯s face. He sat in silence, allowing himself to marinate in their weight.
¡°I don¡¯t think deserving has anything to do with it. It¡¯s a trade, isn¡¯t it? You help me with Ben, I help you with this. Or is something else wrong?¡±
¡°Well¡¡± Tristan couldn¡¯t respond. There were so many things he could say. The reason things ended up as they had this past month was all due to his influence with Dream Paralysis. He had set everything in motion. He was the reason Benjamin¡¯s basketball career was over, he was the reason Gwen had transferred schools, and through some intuition of his own, he understood that he was probably the reason for what happened to Laura Young. Why would someone like that deserve any help at all?
¡°Whatever, you don¡¯t need to tell me,¡± Lawrence said. ¡°You¡¯ve probably got your own stuff going on.¡±
¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±
Lawrence no longer had the energy to repudiate his apologies. He just looked up at the ceiling and heaved a heavy sigh. He had been collecting his anger over what had happened in the room and dumping it all on Tristan, but the past five minutes helped him to realize what a pointless endeavor that was.
¡°Laura wasn¡¯t always cold-looking as she is now, you know¡± he suddenly started. ¡°Back when I was a kid, I thought of her, of Laura, as something like a superhero. She was smarter, kinder, and happier than anyone else I¡¯d ever known. My parents loved her, and all my friends looked up to her. I was like a celebrity back in elementary school just because I was related to her.¡±
Tristan seemed to ease into his seat as he took in the words that escaped Lawrence¡¯s lips.
¡°And as if all of that weren¡¯t enough for me to respect her, she was also kind of like my best friend. She¡¯d always find a way to include me in whatever she was doing. Video games, studying, singing, dancing, even fashion. My favorite part of the week was when we¡¯d watch cartoons together every Saturday morning while sharing a large bowl of Fruity Pebbles and milk. When I think back to my childhood, those are some of the fondest memories I still hold to this day. But truthfully, I enjoyed every day with her. I felt lucky and blessed to have someone like that in my life.
¡°But something happened when she went to middle school. She started acting differently at home. Colder, more indifferent. I couldn¡¯t quite understand it at first, but when I finally graduated and made it to middle school, I couldn¡¯t exactly not realize what had happened. The way she was treated compared to back then was different. The thing that stood out at first was the way guys spoke about her. It¡ really unnerved me. It was like, to them, she wasn¡¯t even really a person. She was a conquest. Something to be owned, to be played with. They made comments about my big sister that still fuck with me to this day.
¡°But what makes it even worse is that¡ I couldn¡¯t say anything to them about it. I was still riding the high of my popularity in elementary school, and I couldn¡¯t sabotage it by standing out from the group. I wanted to hang out with the popular kids, so I didn¡¯t fight the wave they were all riding. I didn¡¯t do anything to protect her. Even when guys took advantage of that kindness of hers. They¡¯d ask her for pictures with them, and she¡¯d go along with it as if there weren¡¯t any ulterior motives. She let degrading comments against her slide because she didn¡¯t have it in her to fight back against another human being. She¡¯d spend time with boys she couldn¡¯t care less about because the word ¡®no¡¯ wasn¡¯t in her vocabulary. And they¡¯d push and push and push. And I just sat there without doing anything. She was only thirteen, she had no idea what kind of things boys were thinking about at that age.
¡°Girls weren¡¯t that much different either, though. Her friends would always ask her for money, and she¡¯d hand it over like it was nothing. Our older brother was already helping us out financially back then, but that doesn¡¯t mean that her money should just go to them whenever they asked, right? It was like she was only there to act as a bank that was also attractive enough to pull guys their way. That¡¯s around when I noticed that she had stopped smiling. I hadn¡¯t seen her look like she was having fun even once during middle school.
¡°And what hurts me the most was that incident. One day, I had my Nintendo 3DS stolen from my backpack while I wasn¡¯t looking. She found me crying outside of class that day in this crowd of onlookers and¡ she sat right next to me on the dirty floor. She ignored the murmurs and laughs and stroked my head, then told me she¡¯d find the person who stole it. And within a week, I was playing Pokemon again as if nothing had ever happened.
¡°Later I¡¯d learned that it was my own best friend when he came apologizing to me. As it turns out, my reputation didn¡¯t mean much of anything after all. I was betrayed by my the person I thought was closest to me without reason, and I was saved by the person I abandoned for the reputation that had granted me that best friend in the first place. Do you¡ do you know how that made me feel?¡±
Tristan, who hadn¡¯t said a word up until that point, suddenly looked up. Their lattes arrived, and the waitress sat them down wordlessly before moving away, possibly sensing the tension at the table. Lawrence was unperturbed, however. He stared down at his drink after taking a whiff of its creamy surface.
¡°I still don¡¯t get why she helped me to this day. I hadn¡¯t done anything for her back then, so why did she go out of her way to save me? I didn¡¯t know, but I did know that I couldn¡¯t stay this way forever. That¡¯s why I decided to be there for her when I entered high school. I knew that Deer Valley High was known for its basketball team, so when she graduated and went over, I spent my next two years getting good at basketball. By the time I graduated, I was the lead scorer in our entire year. I had a knack for it apparently, and it helped that I loved it too.
¡°Once in high school, I worked my ass off to network with people. I wanted to shield her using my reputation the way she shielded me in elementary school. I didn¡¯t want her to get taken advantage of the way she did in middle school. And hey, it worked. I don¡¯t know how her first two years went, but I was able to protect her during her junior and senior years by becoming ¡®The Law¡¯ that everyone talks about.¡±
He dipped his lips into the whipped cream and finally took a sip of his coffee. Tristan looked on at him with a curious eye until he was done.
¡°But despite being ¡®The Law¡¯, I can¡¯t help but feel like a cheap imitation of her. I¡¯m selfish, hedonistic, and thoughtless. The only reason I act the way I do is because it¡¯s what I learned in that book.¡± He tapped the cover of the book that laid flat on the table. ¡°But you¡¯re compassionate Tristan, I can tell just from talking to you today. There¡¯s a part of you that genuinely cares about other people the way Laura does. You care so much that your every day is wrought with guilt and self-loathing. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s healthy, but I feel like if I could learn from you even a fraction of what I never bothered to learn from her, then maybe¡¡±
The images he¡¯d seen earlier were flashing through his mind. He had tried so hard to forget them, but telling the story had caused him to relive the video. Zoey Brahm¡¯s wickedness knew no end. How did she get her hands on that video? Why was such a video allowed to exist? It wasn¡¯t fair. It wasn¡¯t fair to her at all. She had tried to hard to be good her entire life, and¡
¡°She¡¯s my big sister, man¡¡±
Lawrence could no longer hold the waterways back. The tears ran down his face so suddenly that Tristan had no idea what to do in response at first. But eventually, he settled into holding his hand tightly. He wanted Lawrence to know that the two of them weren¡¯t alone. That there was at least one person who cared about them and wanted things to be okay.
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± Tristan said.
The response gave Lawrence a brief chuckle through his tears. It only took him about a dozen tries, but Tristan¡¯s apology had finally hit its mark.
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - II
¡°Come in, I¡¯ll get you something to drink.¡±
Lawrence Young¡¯s house was a small, intimate place on the outskirts of the rundown district known as Bucktail. On the drive back home, he made it known to me that his parents owned a small store that did well enough for his family, but that they had only become wealthy when his brother, Lars Young, who was ten years his senior, made it big in the tech industry. The elder son had offered to move them out of the Bucktail area for years now, but his father and mother simply refused to give up their small store in the community they had grown accustomed to since moving to America. The brother did not shy away from spoiling both Laura and Lawrence, however, gifting them hand-me-down vehicles and sending the former sibling to college from out of his own pocket.
I followed Lawrence in taking my shoes off and stepped onto the wooden floors elevated above the entrance. Once again, I was forced to admire the work he¡¯d put into his body as he slid his jacket off and hung it onto the coat rack. The lean muscles he¡¯d built were enough to inspire a boyish envy in me, but I decided that there was no point in dwelling on it.
The two of us stepped into the small living area after traversing the hallway, where we found someone, a middle-aged Korean woman wearing a white dress with stains decorating its body, sitting down on the sofa watching the television with a pack of potato chips.
¡°?????? .¡° He said, sliding his backpack off then entering to grab a chair.
¡°?,? ?????¡± She turned to face me, then turned back to the television. ¡°? ?? ????¡±
¡°?? ? ???. ?? ??? ??? ???? ??.¡±
¡°???. ?? ??? ?????. ?? ?? ?? ???.¡±
He sucked his teeth. ¡°??, ? ???? ???? ?????...¡±
I had no idea what either of them were saying, but I decided to be sociable and speak up. ¡°Good afternoon, ma¡¯am.¡±
She took a second look at me, then turned back to the television.
¡°?? ??? ?????¡± she asked.
¡°?. ????.¡± He dragged a chair away from the dining table and placed it in front of a mirror that had been hanging off to the side of the television. ¡°Come sit, Tris.¡±
¡°Uh, right¡¡±
Was he going to do this in front of his mom? And why didn¡¯t she say anything back to me? Did she not speak English? Once I¡¯d sat down, it finally dawned upon me what a wreck I¡¯d looked like today. The dark, wrinkled bags beneath my eyes would make even Gwen grimace. I hadn¡¯t slept at all last night. The anti-depressants didn¡¯t seem to be doing much as of yet either. In fact, they may have been making it even more difficult for me to fall asleep despite the fatigue I felt. And while some of it had to do with Laura, I couldn¡¯t ignore the dark specter with the face of a deer¡¯s skull that still loomed above me even as I sat there. Lawrence eventually returned with a large cloth bundled into his hands, a pair of scissors poking out from where his right hand was.
¡°Catch.¡±
¡°H-huh?¡±
I flinched for a moment, and as the object in his other hand came hurdling towards me, my panic had caused it to slip through my grasp and fall into my lap. Apparently, his house was stocked with juice boxes for whatever reason, as he had thrown an OJ box my way.
¡°What the hell, man? You gotta get better at catching.¡±
¡°Don¡¯t scare me, I thought you were going to throw the scissors.¡±
¡°Wow. You really think I¡¯d do that, huh?¡±
There was something deeply disturbing about the smile on his face as he looked at me through my reflection in the mirror, and the haunting creature that had been silently following me around all day hanging above him like an angel of death. I wonder what his reaction would be if he realized that something like that was right beside him this entire time. As a matter of fact, I wonder what mine would be if I could perceive all the spirits that are probably floating about in this room right this second. At this point, I¡¯m torn between acknowledging whether I¡¯d be terrified or indifferent.
¡°What¡¯s so funny?¡± I asked.
¡°Huh? Funny?¡± He paused, then caught himself smiling in the mirror. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m just imagining everyone¡¯s face at school when they see you tomorrow.¡±
¡°Are you going to give me a ridiculous haircut or something?¡±
¡°No, man. Trust the process, okay? You¡¯ll be drowning in girlfriends once I¡¯m done with you.¡±
¡°Uh, I think just one is fine, thanks¡¡±
I admired his optimism, but just how much could a good haircut change things anyhow? I let out a sigh as he flapped the large cloth over my body, tying it around my neck. He seemed to know what he was doing. Whose hair was he cutting before mine anyway?
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¡°Hey Tris, did you get Lance and Naomi back together with that movie of yours?¡± he asked.
The question sort of came out of left field. Of all the things he could have asked me, I had no idea he¡¯d still be thinking about the time he spent last week with Naomi.
¡°Partially. It was Gwen¡¯s script, though.¡±
¡°Right, yeah. I saw her name in the credits. You two really were good friends, huh?¡±
I felt a lump forming in my throat. ¡°I guess so.¡±
¡°That¡¯s good. I¡¯m glad.¡±
The snipping sound of the scissors as small locks of my hair descended onto the cloth covering my clothes fought with the sound against the verbal silence of the three of us in the room. It felt a little awkward hanging out with his mom in the room, but it didn¡¯t seem like she was paying us any mind.
¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I said after about five to ten minutes.
¡°Don¡¯t start with that again, you little shit,¡± he said, smiling as he carefully snipped at my hair with an almost aristocratic diligence. ¡°It¡¯s all Zoey¡¯s fault. I¡¯m sure that we could have all done things a little better in our own way, but it doesn¡¯t change that all the stuff that¡¯s happened was her fault.¡±
¡°I guess,¡± I said, not entirely convinced due to my own knowledge of the truth.
¡°Besides, if anything you¡¯ve done more good than harm for us, right? I heard you helped Warren and Penny get together.¡±
¡°It was Lance, mostly.¡±
¡°Lance, huh?¡± He sighed. ¡°Naomi never really did give me even a second glance last week. She was still holding out for Lance the entire time. Just spent the entire time asking me about Zoey.¡±
¡°I heard,¡± I said.
¡°Then you should probably warn her.¡± His smile faded. ¡°Getting involved with her is bad news. Here, tilt your head.¡±
He gently nudged my head and I tilted it forward. More strands of hair fell to the floor. A few had gotten caught inside of the makeshift cloth and were tickling the lower back of my neck, but I did my best to stay cool.
¡°Her avoiding Zoey at this point is wishful thinking,¡± I said.
¡°How come?¡±
¡°If the mall was anything to go by, then I think she¡¯d probably end up standing up to her for me.¡±
I¡¯m not sure if Lance was entirely aware of the type of person that Zoey was yet. For all the bragging he seemed to do about knowing who people are deep down, he was dead wrong about that girl from the beginning. Naomi was the one who had sort of figured her out, and she seems to want to stand up for me for whatever reason.
¡°Guess so. You kind dragged your friends into a viper pit Tris.¡±
And you dragged your sister into it, I wanted to say. I wondered how Laura Young was doing. Speaking of which, he probably had no idea, did he? I decided that I would have to tell him, but it took me a while to start the conversation up again. I merely sat in the silence, anxiously doing my best to muster up the courage to open my mouth.
¡°You know, speaking of Zoey¡¡± I said finally.
¡°Hm? What is it?¡±
¡°I was there on Saturday. With Zoey and Laura.¡±
As I said the words, Lawrence¡¯s snipping suddenly stopped. Had Zoey not given him the full story? I had no idea what they spoke about when he passed me and went into the photography clubroom, so it was a shot in the dark on how he¡¯d take it.
¡°Oh yeah?¡± He resumed working his fingers.
¡°Zoey invited me to join her on a double date with her and her boyfriend.¡±
¡°And how¡¯d that go?¡± he asked.
¡°I thought her boyfriend was¡ well I thought he was fine at the time, but¡ Laura was amazing. I¡¯m not the most sociable person. I get put off a lot by things that people do. I¡¯m uncomfortable with being judged by them. But she had an impossibly easy-going, non-confrontational air about her despite how cold she looked. I felt at home with her, like I had known her for my entire life, like I could tell her all of my darkest secrets without fear or worry. Like¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s done,¡± Lawrence said, suddenly assaulting me with hair spray.
¡°Ow.¡±
Did he try to nail me in the eye on purpose? I felt him brush my hair at a pace that told me that he was just about done styling my hair, then he walked off to put all his items away. I opened my eyes and looked up at the mirror.
¡°Woah,¡± I muttered.
He kept my bangs for the most part, but he took me away from the bowl cut and into something far more interesting. Not only had he shortened the back of my hair, but he had also shaped the tips of my bangs in front as well. I honestly hadn¡¯t expected it to look this professional when I agreed to it, but I found myself staring back at myself in the mirror with my mouth hanging.
¡°Now you see it, right? You¡¯ve been holding yourself back.¡± He returned and stood behind me in the mirror with his usual smile, undoing the tie on my neck and dusting me off with a brush he¡¯d procured. ¡°They¡¯ll be all over you in no time.¡±
¡°Uh, yeah. Thanks.¡±
¡°Have some confidence man, all the good looks in the world won¡¯t mean much if they can smell the insecurities coming off you.¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know how to be confident,¡± I said.
Lawrence rubbed his temple and sighed. ¡°I don¡¯t know how to help you there, man. I feel like confidence is a trait that some people just have, and some people don¡¯t.¡±
In that case then I¡¯m better off just hacking Zoey 24/7 if I want to muster up some of that, but I already decided that I would never hack her again. I want nothing to do with Zoey Brahm anymore. I¡¯ve already decided that tomorrow I¡¯ll formally resign from the photography club, and then I¡¯ll avoid her as much as possible. If she pushes things beyond that, then I¡¯ll deal with it when the time comes.
¡°?, ??! ??? ??? ???!¡±
Lawrence¡¯s mom said something I didn¡¯t understand with what sounded like surprise as she got up and walked over to the hallway, where she hugged none other than Laura Young, who was standing there with her suitcase in tow.
¡°?? ??. ?? ??¡¡±
As she spoke, her words trailed off as her eyes focused onto me, and her suitcase flopped onto the floor.
¡°Uh, hi,¡± I said.
¡°Laura? What¡¯re you¡¡± Lawrence started, before Laura interrupted him by walking briskly in our direction, then grabbing my wrist.
¡°H-huh?¡± I was shocked. Was the haircut that powerful? Why did she suddenly do that?
¡°Can I borrow him for a second, Larry?¡± she asked.
¡°H-huh? Oh, I mean sure, but¡¡±
Without waiting for his full response, she dragged me back out into the hall from where we came and then pulled me into one of the adjacent rooms. She shut the door behind us and flicked the light on. It was similar to her dorm room in that there was a holy bible at the bedside and a painting of Jesus Christ on the wall, but outside of that the place was more or less barren. It was a tiny bedroom with a closet, a clothing cabinet and a bedside table with a lamp on it. With no desk in sight, I wondered how she did any studying back when she lived here.
¡°Gum?¡±
¡°Gum?¡± I answered.
I half-expected a love confession to come spilling out of her mouth, but she had instead simply offered gum as she did the last time we met.
No.
More specifically, she offered it to some place above me.
Her head was tilted, her gaze was far above my own visage.
It could have only meant one thing.
My body froze in place.
Now that I think about it, the spirit did say that he was formed with repeated contact.
But then¡
Does that mean that¡
Just like Zoey, Laura can see this thing?
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - III
Good evening, Laura Young.
¡°Good evening, Mr. Spirit.¡±
The situation had taken a drastic turn before I knew it. My first thought was to resist it. But in the face of such irrefutable evidence, then there was no longer any going back. I had no choice but to accept the reality manifesting before me. Laura Young had been pulled into the world of Dream Paralysis.
The girl before me was eyeing the spirit with a childish curiosity that betrayed the supernatural gravity of its existence. This girl is always like this. It¡¯s like she knew what the normal response to something was and would decide intentionally to go against the grain. Of course, that wasn¡¯t the case. Laura Young wasn¡¯t trying to be different; she just was. But surely there had to be a limit to a person¡¯s quirkiness, right?
¡°Aren¡¯t you scared?¡± I asked.
¡°Why?¡±
¡°¡¯Why¡¯? It¡¯s a spirit¡¡±
¡°Yes, and?¡±
Conventional logic didn¡¯t seem to be working on Laura Young.
¡°Yes, and¡¡±
¡°Hey, Mr. Spirit...¡± Laura interrupted. ¡°Why are you following Tristan around? Did he do something bad?¡±
¡°Wait, don¡¯t¡¡± I stopped. I needed to tell her everything myself. I didn¡¯t want the spirit giving her the wrong idea. ¡°He¡¯s¡ this spirit is tied to me.¡±
She tilted her head. ¡°Tied? Tied how?¡±
¡°It¡¯s a part of me. It¡¯s¡ look, it¡¯s a long story, and I should really be heading home soon.¡±
The girl before me, as casually as she had ever been, glanced around her room, then stepped back to take a seat on the soft mattress behind her. Her warm eyes that seemed to smile without her mouth beckoned me to go on.
¡°Tell me, Tristan.¡±
Yeah, those eyes. They were the same as they always were. How was that possible after what had happened to her last night? How was it possible in the face of something so¡ otherworldly?
I swallowed anxiously. ¡°Are you sure you want to know?¡±
At my question, her eyes scanned the ceiling of her room as she pondered my words.
¡°Hmm. I don¡¯t know if you¡¯re really concerned about whether or not I want to know.¡±
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°Because¡¡± Her eyes came down with the force of a hammer, meeting with mine with such determination that I found myself flinching. ¡°You look like you¡¯ve been dying to talk to someone about it.¡±
¡°I¡¡±
Was it true? It¡¯s true that ever since I¡¯ve cut Zoey out, I haven¡¯t had anyone to talk to about Dream Paralysis. But even when I did talk to Zoey, none of those conversations ever truly left me with any space to talk about how I felt. In retrospect, I might have been so blinded by my desire for her that it left me ignoring my own feelings about these powers.
¡°Uhm, Laura. Since we¡¯re on the topic, there¡¯s something I need to confess to you before we go any further.¡±
¡°I¡¯m listening,¡± she said.
I don¡¯t know if she was as nervous as I felt, but I found it difficult to maintain eye contact. My gaze instead darted around the room until it settled on my own feet.
¡°I¡ I was there last night,¡± I said. ¡°When that thing with Jacob happened.¡±
There was a heavy silence in the room. Like weighted blankets had been placed on every single atom or molecule inside of this space.
¡°What are you¡¡±
¡°That¡¯s what this is,¡± I interrupted her, gesturing at the spirit behind me. ¡°This spirit is¡ it¡¯s like a bridge. I can transfer my soul into anyone¡¯s body that I please. That¡¯s why I¡ I was there last night, Laura Young. I was in Jacob when he¡¡±
My stomach turned. The self-hatred I felt was resurfacing. ¡°I¡ I was in his body when the two of you were¡ I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to, it just¡¡±
¡°Tristan, is that true?¡± she asked.
I nodded.
¡°What color were the sheets?¡±
¡°The sheets? They were gray.¡±
Laura pondered this, placing her hands on her chin. ¡°Then¡ what he did back then¡ was that you?¡±
¡°NO! I mean, that is¡ I got a tip from someone that he might do something bad to you that night, so I¡ I went to check in on you. I didn¡¯t control any of his actions, I swear!¡±
Laura contemplated my words almost too casually considering the gravity of what I¡¯d just confessed to, then stared up at the spirit.
¡°Is he telling the truth?¡±
For the most part.
¡°Hey,¡± I said. ¡°Are you really just gonna tell on me like that?¡±
I am almost as much connected to Laura as I am to you. I see no reason to hide things from her.
I scratched my head. Laura was fine, but if he kept his lips loose with Zoey then I might run into some serious problems. ¡°Okay, can you just not do that from now on?¡±
Very well then.
Laura glanced between the two of us. ¡°I¡¯m connected with him?¡±
¡°I¡¡± There was no point in holding it all back. She was involved now whether I liked it or not. I decided right then, with some reluctance, to explain to Laura everything I knew about Dream Paralysis. From how it functioned to what I learned from the spirit the night before. I also explained everything I knew about what happened that night, including that her own brother had found out about the video that was taken. I also told her that she had become a secondary host to the spirit, and that we were essentially connected by invisible threads now.
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There was a part of me that questioned whether she was taking it all seriously judging by her ability to accept everything at face value, but the spirit¡¯s existence most likely made it difficult to not believe any of it. I was appreciative of her silence though, as it allowed me to get through everything without having to trip over how messed up everything was. Once I was done, she took another minute to ponder it all in her head until she finally spoke.
¡°The person who told you about what was going to happen to me last night¡ Is that person the other secondary host?¡±
I nodded.
¡°Is that person Zoey?¡±
I nodded again, though with some reluctance this time.
At my words, she fell back into her bed so suddenly that I thought that she¡¯d been shoved by someone. My body tensed up in surprise.
¡°L-Laura?¡±
¡°It makes sense now,¡± she said. ¡°Now I know why the two of you were dating.¡±
¡°We¡¯re not dating. Not really. We¡¯re just¡ connected.¡±
By Dream Paralysis. By this spirit. Our fates are tied whether I like it or not. I want nothing more than to be rid of her, but her knowledge of the power as well as her existence as a secondary host makes it so that we¡¯ll most likely never truly be free of one another. The most I can do is get her to keep her distance.
¡°But then Tristan,¡± she said. ¡°You told me that Jacob sent the video to Enzo, but that he didn¡¯t have it when you hacked him afterwards. And you also said this other secondary host, Zoey, has the video now. Does that mean that Zoey convinced him to delete the video after sending it to her?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± I admitted.
¡°Ask her then.¡±
¡°Ask¡? I¡¡±
Laura sat up and stared at me with those cold, indifferent eyes of hers. ¡°Call her.¡±
I bit my lip. If there was one thing I refused to do, it was to play into that woman¡¯s hand again. I would do anything else but deal with her after everything she¡¯d put me through.
¡°I¡¯m sorry, but I can¡¯t go back to her.¡±
Laura stared down at her bed. ¡°But¡¡±
¡°Besides, Lawrence will get in trouble with her if you do that. He¡¯s the whole reason that I know about her having the video.¡±
¡°That is true.¡± She put her finger up to her lip. ¡°I suppose I¡¯ll have to ask Enzo himself then.¡±
I blinked twice and stared at her in awe. If Zoey was right, then isn¡¯t Laura meeting up with Enzo exactly what Lawrence didn¡¯t want? Her conclusion was the only logical one though. If I couldn¡¯t get her to talk to Zoey, then she would have to talk to the only other person who was in on it. But still, was that the right choice?
¡°I don¡¯t know if you should do that,¡± I said.
¡°Why not?¡±
¡°Well¡¡± I looked away. I couldn¡¯t lie. I needed to give her a good reason, but I was drawing a blank. Nothing I thought of sounded convincing to me.
¡°I can¡¯t say. I just don¡¯t know if that¡¯s a good idea,¡± I said.
She tilted her gaze down at the bed. It seemed that she had caught a vague scent of what I meant. Had she known that it was a bad idea and was choosing to ignore it? Or warier than she appeared.
¡°Then we¡¯ll both go.¡±
¡°We?¡±
She nodded. ¡°I¡¯d like you to come with me.¡±
Why did she want me to come with her? Is it because of Dream Paralysis? Did she feel safe with me?
¡°I don¡¯t understand why you¡¯d want me of all people,¡± I said.
If it were the case that she wanted to use the spirit¡¯s power to help her out of this situation, then I might have to part ways with her. It¡¯s not that I didn¡¯t want to use it to help her, but I still felt strange about being asked about it. Perhaps Zoey was right. Telling others about this would only be a mistake.
¡°I need you to help me see this through, Tristan.¡±
But her answer caused me to face her in surprise.
¡°Laura¡?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t know what I look like to you Tristan, but I¡¯m not afraid to admit that I¡¯m afraid. The reason I came back home today was because I couldn¡¯t be on campus anymore. I find it difficult to trust even my closest friends after what Jacob did to me. Truthfully, when you mentioned that you had been there, hacking¡ Jacob, I had hoped that you were the one who caused him to engage in those terrible acts.¡±
She traced the edge of her mattress with her finger, staring down at it with a solemn expression. ¡°But I realize now that I was only trying to use you as a scapegoat to help salvage everything that¡¯s been broken. When I had grabbed his phone back then, I knew that something felt off. It wasn¡¯t something I did out of instinct or anything like that. It felt like someone was moving my body from outside of me. But I was there mentally, and I could have resisted it. I was just so shocked that I kind of let it all happen. So, in reality, there¡¯s no way that he couldn¡¯t have resisted if all of his actions that day were being done by you. He could¡¯ve cut you off the second you set that phone to record.¡±
¡°I¡ see¡¡± I stared down at my feet.
¡°But you saved me, Tristan. In some way, even if Zoey has the video now, there¡¯s two people who should have had it now that don¡¯t. And I appreciate your efforts for that. But I still need to know why Zoey has the video and Enzo doesn¡¯t, and I need to convince her to get rid of it.¡±
Convince her? That¡¯s impossible. There¡¯s no convincing that monster. She¡¯d have a better shot if she asked me to hack her. But it wouldn¡¯t be like Zoey to not take precautions against that. She might have it stored in multiple different places, from cloud services to hidden flash drives. I can¡¯t possibly know where she has those copies saved. Besides¡
¡°We¡¯re done, Tristan. Don¡¯t call me or hack me ever again.¡±
What would happen if I disobeyed her words? While she did spread those rumors about us dating today, she hadn¡¯t directly contacted me at all. What would happen if I found my way back into her midst?
I don¡¯t know what opening that door would lead me to, but I was terrified. I felt myself finally breaking free of her, and the last thing I wished for was to dive headfirst into that labyrinth again.
¡°I¡ I¡¯ll go with you. To see Enzo.¡±
The slight tension in her face eased up at my words. Her expression was lit up.
¡°Thank you, Tristan.¡±
She got up from the bed and walked towards me. I felt myself grow more self-conscious with each step. But it wasn¡¯t until she lifted her arms and wrapped them around my body that I felt my face go red.
¡°Laura¡?¡±
¡°Hey, Mr. Spirit. Do you think that Tristan is a kind person?¡±
At this moment, I believe that he is.
¡°Yeah, I think so too.¡±
Her words no doubt came from a place of relief.
But the spirit¡¯s words couldn¡¯t be further from the truth.
I¡¯m not kind.
A kind person wouldn¡¯t have drugged Benjamin.
A kind person wouldn¡¯t have put Gwen in danger.
A kind person would have taken responsibility for everything a long time ago.
I am not kind.
I am¡
¡°Hey, spirit,¡± I said. ¡°Since Laura is a secondary host, is it possible for me to transfer you to her?¡±
If you wish.
Laura pulled away from me with confusion in her eyes, but I don¡¯t think I¡¯d ever been surer of anything else in my life. If there was someone truly kind, someone truly deserving of wielding such terrifying power, then it would be Laura Young. Whether she chose to use it for good or to not use it at all, I know that it¡¯ll be the right decision.
¡°Don¡¯t be a quitter, Tristan.¡±
At least, I thought I had never been surer of anything else in my life.
But with just five words, my worldview was shattered like a glass window at a baseball game.
¡°What do you¡¡±
¡°You were the one who found the spirit. This ability found you. It¡¯s your destiny, and it¡¯s also your burden to bear. That became the case the second you used the power for your own benefit, and it¡¯s still the case now. Don¡¯t run away from what you¡¯ve done.¡±
I bit my lip. She was right. I had already used it to cause harm to others. Did I really deserve to just get rid of it just like that? But still, such a power¡
¡°Laura¡ do you really think I deserve such a thing?¡±
My question seemed to give her pause. She picked herself up from the bed and circled around it, facing the window.
¡°Dunno. I don¡¯t believe in ¡®deserving¡¯ in this life. Whatever you do or don¡¯t deserve will come after you die. But for now, you need to decide on what you can do, not what you deserve.¡±
¡°But¡ what if I¡¯ve decided that the best thing I can do is to give Dream Paralysis to you?¡±
At my words, after a moment of glancing out at Bucktail silently, she twirled on her heel and walked towards me, stopping only a couple of inches away from me. I found myself mesmerized by the curls of her eyelashes and the gorgeous streak of eyeliner she¡¯d decorated her warm eyes with, as those dark stones penetrated my face with their gaze.
¡°Then I¡¯d question your judgment,¡± she said. ¡°I don¡¯t think you should give that kind of power to a girl who¡¯s just had her heart broken.¡±
And after leaving me with that, she walked past me without acknowledging my presence any further. I was left with nothing but the empty room before me, and the sound of the door creaking behind me as she stepped outside.
¡°We¡¯re done, Larry. Are you guys still gonna hang out?¡±
¡°Huh? Oh¡ no, I was just going to get him back home before you came in.¡±
¡°I see. You did a good job with his hair, by the way. It looks good.¡±
¡°What, you¡¯re surprised? You should know how good I am with scissors by now.¡±
¡°If only you were that good at keeping your grades up. Basketball isn¡¯t everything, you know.¡±
¡°Shut up already. So what, are you gonna be crashing with us again?¡±
¡°For a while, yeah. Dorm life is a bit overbearing right now.¡±
¡°New roommate not up to your standards, huh? I get that. I don¡¯t know if there¡¯s anyone I¡¯d be comfortable living with personally.¡±
¡°Whatever you say. I got you some donuts, by the way.¡±
¡°Dude, we have a game next week Tuesday.¡±
¡°Is that a no? I guess I¡¯ll have them myself then.¡±
¡°Okay fine, fine! I¡¯ll have one! Geez, what¡¯s with you?¡±
As I listened to them chat about trivialities in the other room, it took everything to stop myself from breaking down. Perhaps she was right. I couldn¡¯t give the spirit to her then run away. This thing, Dream Paralysis, is my burden to bear. I already told myself that I would right all the wrongs I¡¯ve done. And if she really thinks that I can use Dream Paralysis as a force for good, then I would have to do my best to live up to what she said.
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - IV
Due to daylight savings time¡¯s end for the year, sunset had begun blessing the city an hour earlier than it had in the months prior. Perhaps that was why, when Tristan Collins returned home that day, dropped off by the captain of the basketball team Lawrence Young at approximately 8pm, his father approached him the second he heard the door opening.
¡°Son! Hey, welcome back. You were out late today, huh kiddo?¡±
Tristan¡¯s eyes met his, and the boy caught a glimpse of the worry his father tried to conceal with his cool expression.
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°What¡¯s the occasion? I mean, you mentioned joining the photography club last week, but¡¡±
Tristan stood in the doorway facing the inquisitive man before him. A suspension and a violent mall beating would cause this in any caring parent, and even Tristan knew it. Daniel Collins was aware of the drastic change in his son and his school life, but placing the root cause of it had been difficult for him. The boy was angsty one day and gentle the next. Was it all because of that girlfriend of his? If so, then perhaps it would have been best if they hadn¡¯t started seeing her in the first place? Just what kind of person was this ¡®Zoey¡¯ anyway, he wondered?
¡°My friend Lawrence offered to cut my hair today, so we went over to his place.¡±
Sure enough, Daniel had noticed the hairstyle as soon as his son had walked in. It appeared to be one of those trendier haircuts that kids tended to lean towards these days, but the appeal was lost on him.
¡°Do you like it?¡±
¡°Yeah, I think it¡¯s cool.¡±
¡°I think so too, it looks good on you, son.¡±
Daniel stroked his son¡¯s head gently.
¡°Stop it, dad.¡± Tristan brushed his father¡¯s hand away. There was the slightest hint of a smile on the boy¡¯s face, but it crumbled almost as quickly as it formed. Daniel, immediately recognizing the change, didn¡¯t let it go.
¡°Son? What¡¯s wrong? Is everything okay?¡±
Tristan bit his lip, pondering whether to say anything at all. Just how involved in a child¡¯s life should a parent be at this age? Especially when there¡¯s so much shame and guilt involved? But eventually, he wound up shaking his head. Of course things weren¡¯t okay. All one needed were eyes or ears to recognize as much. The boy wasn¡¯t his usual self.
¡°Well¡ you know we can talk about it if you like, right?¡± Daniel said. ¡°I know it¡¯s probably hard to talk to your old man about things, but I might surprise you, you know? It might come to you as a shock, but I know about way more than just John Carpenter movies, son.¡±
¡°Well¡¡±
It didn¡¯t take much more convincing to get Tristan to make himself comfortable on the sofa with his father. Last week, they had watched ¡®Dead Poet¡¯s Society¡¯, a film whose shocking climax and heartwarming conclusion had moved Tristan, renewing his appreciation for the artform that was film, and had subtly inspired some of the decisions he had made during his filming of ¡®Last Words¡¯, the student film he had made with his friends.
Tristan had remained silent for the movie, and had wordlessly gone back up to his room once he was done. This worried his father as he had forgone their usual chat at the end of the film. Tristan was always excited about movie night, so that such a change would be upon them in the eleventh hour was unprecedented, and Daniel was eager to find out what seemed to be bothering his son.
¡°Dad, I have a friend.. she¡¯s going through a tough time right now.¡±
¡°She? Do you mean Zoey?¡±
The boy shook his head. ¡°No dad, this is another friend. It¡¯s, uh¡ Lawrence¡¯s sister.¡±
Daniel paused for a moment then quickly nodded when he caught himself. ¡°Okay, go on.¡±
¡°Something bad happened to her recently, and¡ I¡¯m scared that she¡¯s going to hurt herself.¡± Tristan thought back to the spirit¡¯s warning the night before. It claimed that someone that he loved would pass away soon unless he did something about it. The boy hadn¡¯t had anything resembling romantic feelings for Laura, but he had to admit that he did revere her to some degree. If such a thing were to come true, then what he needed to do was obvious. Except¡ ¡°I¡¯m sorry, we¡¯re not exactly friends. We¡¯re cool, but we only just recently started talking.¡±
¡°Hmm. I see. That¡¯s very serious son.¡± Daniel looked down, stroking his chin as he pondered what his son had said to him. ¡°Why do you think she¡¯s going to hurt herself? Has she tried before?¡±
Tristan shook his head. ¡°It¡¯s just a feeling I have, that¡¯s all.¡±
¡°I see. Well son, here¡¯s what. It sounds like you like this girl, right?¡±
He nodded.
¡°Then¡ I don¡¯t know. To me it feels like all you can do is offer to be there for her.¡±
¡°Be there¡?¡±
¡°Hmm. It¡¯s sort of like this: A lot of people have a very normal tendency to want to isolate whenever something bad happens in their lives. But that can be very dangerous because staying alone with your thoughts might make that person feel worse rather than better. The feedback loop that comes from being alone can be dangerous. It¡¯s sometimes important to let that person know that they don¡¯t have to suffer through that sort of feedback loop. That they have people around them that care and that they should take a chance on trusting.¡±
If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
¡°Just let her know that I want to be there for her?¡± Tristan asked. ¡°Are you sure that¡¯s all I need to do?¡±
¡°That¡¯s all? Son, do you know how precious it is to have someone who¡¯s there for you whenever you need them? Think about it. Do you have someone in your life, besides myself and your mother of course, that¡¯s always in your corner no matter what?¡±
I do, he thought. Images of his friends from the photography club, Lance, Naomi and Jaz, all came to mind. In the past month or so, they had all been there for him in their own ways. In fact, if you pretended that Zoey wasn¡¯t a part of the club, then theoretically that room was probably the most magical place he had ever been to.
¡°What would your life be like without that person?¡± Daniel asked.
Tristan imagined it. A Deer Valley high without those three. Without Jaz, who protected him from Ben the day before homecoming. Without Naomi, who was his only ally during Gwen¡¯s birthday visit to the mall. Without Lance, who had made his every day at school an enjoyable experience with his antics. They comforted him when he was at his lowest over Gwen. They were there for him with his unrequited love, though they hadn¡¯t known Zoey¡¯s true self.
Without any of them, Tristan¡¯s life might have been in a darker place than it was already.
¡°Now listen. If you really think this girl is going to hurt herself, then you should probably talk to someone about it, okay? This isn¡¯t something you can fix on your own. But if she¡¯s just feeling down, then what¡¯s important is for you to be there for her.¡±
¡°I get it dad,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m going to let her know that I¡¯ll be there for her.¡±
¡°But don¡¯t lie to her, okay? You have a girlfriend, so she might be a little jealous if you¡¯re spending a bunch of time with another girl. Only promise to be there for her if you know you can handle it.¡±
¡°Dad, there¡¯s nothing I¡¯d rather do with my life right now than be there for her.¡±
¡°Nothing you¡¯d rather¡¡± While Daniel had thought he was just being helpful, the sudden confession from his son had given him cause for concern. ¡°Son, are you sure you¡¯ve only just met this girl?¡±
At the words, Tristan nodded. ¡°I have, and I haven¡¯t. It¡¯s complicated, but¡ I understand what she¡¯s going through right now. I know how that probably sounds to you, but¡¡±
¡°No,¡± Daniel said. ¡°It¡¯s okay son. If you¡¯re saying it then it must be true.¡±
The two of them sat in the silence of the living room as their words hung in the air like laundry. Tristan¡¯s determination to help Laura Young had put his dad in a confusing headspace.
¡°Do you¡ love this girl?¡± he asked.
¡°No,¡± Tristan said. ¡°No, I don¡¯t love her. She¡¯s¡ she¡¯s very beautiful. Like, big screen beautiful. But it¡¯s not like that. I just respect her a lot. She¡¯s just everything I wish I was, I guess.¡±
Daniel grinned. ¡°Oh yeah? How so?¡±
¡°Well, it¡¯s just the way she sees the world. She gives so much of herself to everyone and everything around her. To me, that kind of sacrifice for others is the most beautiful thing a person can strive for.¡±
His father fell silent at his description of the girl. There was something about the way his son spoke of her that touched him.
¡°That does sound beautiful son,¡± he said. ¡°But I do wonder if someone who gives so much of their lives to others can ever truly be happy.¡±
¡°What do you mean?¡±
¡°To me, your life is¡ well, it¡¯s yours. Your own happiness, the feelings inside of yourself, those should be the most important things to you.¡±
¡°I agree, but I don¡¯t get what your point is.¡±
Daniel stroked his chin. ¡°Okay, let¡¯s say that you¡¯re an adult Tristan. Living on your own, not doing too well financially. Now let¡¯s say that despite that, you spend a large amount of your salary on giving out free food to your neighbors out of the kindness of your heart, so much so that you¡¯re forced to skip out on meals yourself. That doesn¡¯t sound very fun, right? Now let¡¯s say I decide that, since you¡¯re missing meals thanks to your sacrifices, I¡¯m going to help out and order you a pizza. You know, a small something to keep you going for a day. Only, when that pizza comes, you go out and give it away to another one of your neighbors out of that same kindness. Doesn¡¯t it seem that this person is just beyond anyone¡¯s help? When does a person like that get to be happy? Where does the sacrifice end?¡±
¡°That does sound miserable,¡± Tristan said.
¡°But instead of food or pizza, let¡¯s take happiness. The person you¡¯re describing¡ probably isn¡¯t very happy herself, is she?¡± Tristan wanted to respond. He wanted to say that Laura Young was capable of happiness. But he also recalled that, to this day, he had never seen the girl offer anyone as much as a smirk. ¡°Even before whatever it is you¡¯re talking about had caused her such hurt, someone who sacrifices so much for others probably sees themselves as more of a¡ a funnel for happiness. Someone who takes all of the good things bestowed upon themselves and passes it around without enjoying any of it for themselves.¡±
Tristan leaned back onto the sofa and pondered his father¡¯s words. Indeed, it was possible. Though, she did seem to enjoy her time out with Zoey and myself and Saturday. In that sense, it¡¯s possible that Jacob might have been the only thing that allowed her to keep any sort of happiness inside of herself. Who knows if she¡¯ll ever find someone like that again with him gone. She might withdraw into herself and become even more self-sacrificial.
¡°Does this change anything about what I should do?¡± Tristan asked.
And at his words, his father ruffled his hair with his opened palm.
¡°No son. If you like her and you want to help her, then be there for her. That¡¯s how it works.¡±
Tristan smiled solemnly, staring down at the floor beneath his feet. ¡°Okay, thanks dad.¡±
The two Collins spent the next few moments of shared time discussing the film they¡¯d seen the week prior now that they had actual time together. Though Daniel had hoped that they could have spoken about what was going on with Tristan himself, he appreciated that the boy had taken the step to open up about something that was bothering him at all.
He still remembered the day Tristan came into the world. A being so small, yet filled with so much energy that you¡¯d thought he was running marathons in there. He remembered how proud he was of his son for making it into the world to join his two parents. Before the birth, Daniel had all sorts of expectations for Tristan. He excited himself with ideas of his son as a major politician, a wealthy man who could send his retired parents out on fancy vacations anytime they wanted, a Nobel laureate¡ The list went on and on for the prospective father.
However, when the delivery was completed, and he heard those cries, when he held Tristan in his arms for the first time, wrapping those tiny fingers around his own, all of that just melted away. In that moment, all Daniel Collins really wanted was for this child to live a long, happy life. And to this day, despite the recent hiccups, he was still proud and excited for his son to be on this rollercoaster journey that is life.
If only Tristan himself felt that he could truly enjoy it, however. The anxieties surrounding his own mortality continued to muddy his every waking moment. Only this time, thanks to the spirit¡¯s declaration from the night before, it was now centered on the people around him rather than himself.
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - V
-Zoey¡¯s Pov-
Tick, tick, tick. The only proof that time was passing through the dull atmosphere of the cabin was the analog clock sitting on the wall a few feet away from me. The atmosphere of the dimly lit room had taken some getting used to, but after about an hour of quietly taking it in, I roughly understood the dynamics at play. The large man at the work desk, Peter, was, at least so far, utterly uninterested in everything going on in the room. Though he was tasked with assisting in keeping me here, he seemed more preoccupied with whatever he was working on at the desk. The woman, Jude, was also distracted by her tablet further away, and did not pay me much mind. Judging by the dialogue filtering through the speaker, she was probably invested in some sort of foreign language show or film.
As for the last man, James¡
His eyes never left me. The hand holding his handgun was tapping his up-ended knee as he sat atop a nearby desk and glared my way. He was obviously trying to get a read on me. It appeared that if no one else was taking the job of looking after me seriously, at the very least he was.
I was strapped to a wooden chair by my feet and my torso. My hands were tied behind my back using the chain link holding my torso in place, all neatly held together by a newly purchased padlock. Naturally, all I could do during that time was observe. Observe their personalities, their habits, and of course how seriously they were taking this little job of theirs. However, I had recognized that merely observing would only get me so far in such a situation. To truly understand which cards I should play, it was past time that I broke the silence.
¡°You¡¯ve been staring at me for a very long time, James,¡± I said, tilting my head playfully. ¡°Do you like what you see?¡±
His eyes didn¡¯t change at my provocative question. He merely kept glaring my way with the cold glare of a man on the clock peeking through the holes in his deer mask.
¡°Are you being serious?¡±
¡°I am. What else am I supposed to think when a man eyes my body for such a long time?¡±
He seemed to size me up for a moment, but he eventually gave up and sighed. ¡°If I¡¯m being frank with you, the reason I¡¯m doing this is because I don¡¯t exactly understand what it is I¡¯m looking at.
¡°Meaning?¡±
¡°You¡¯ve been kidnapped and kept captive here for over an hour now, but you somehow carry the disposition of a girl taking a morning stroll through a park.¡±
¡°Oh, is that the kind of girl you want me to be, James? The helpless damsel, eyes wide with fear, mouth leaking with panicked breaths, calling out for help in a futile fervor...¡± I leaned my head back in the chair. ¡°Ohh, someone¡ won¡¯t you please help me? Please save me from these brutish cultists! Please!!¡±
James could only scratch his mask with his gun-touting hand in confusion. ¡°Is this situation funny to you?¡±
¡°No. To be honest, I¡¯m quite terrified. Today is the first time I¡¯ve seen someone die, I¡¯m bounded and surrounded by strange people in masks, one of them armed with a gun, and I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll ever be able to leave this room alive.¡±
¡°So then,¡± James continued. ¡°Why are you smiling?¡±
I pulled my head back down to meet his gaze. ¡°Because ever since I¡¯ve arrived, there¡¯s a cute guy who¡¯s been giving me his undivided attention.¡±
The sound of the melodramatic dialogue coming from the tablet¡¯s speakers finally went off. Then came the sound of her thunderous footsteps drawing closer. And before long, the imposing figure of the girl on the tablet was now standing before me.
¡°You little bitch, what do you think you¡¯re doing?¡± she asked with such disdain that I could feel her expression through her mask.
¡°Oh, you¡¯re here. Say, I¡¯m a bit hungry. Do you think you could get me and James something nice to eat while we chat?¡±
¡°The fuck?!¡±
¡°Jude, babe, let¡¯s take it easy,¡± James said. ¡°Don¡¯t get taken in by her provocations.¡±
¡°Oh, of course you would say that.¡± Jude folded her arms and pouted.
¡°What do you mean by that?¡± he asked.
¡°Nothing.¡±
I felt my own elation bubbling up inside of me. ¡°James dear, could you get her to get me something to eat? I haven¡¯t had so much as a bite since noon.¡±
¡°Get it yourself, whore.¡±
¡°Well, that wasn¡¯t very nice,¡± I said.
¡°If you want something to eat then why don¡¯t you just tell us who the host is? Hmm? Or are you going to keep pretending we¡¯re all friends in here?¡±
I glanced at her, then shifted my gaze back over to James. ¡°I think I¡¯d like to be friends with you at least, Jamie.¡±
¡°Jamie¡?¡±
The barely disguised anger had come bubbling out. From just the utterance of the nickname, James found himself hurdling towards her to hold her back from getting her hands on me.
¡°Hold on Jude, relax!¡±
While James did his best to hold her back, scooping under her arms to hold her back, she still attempted to fight through his grip in order to rush me.
This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.
¡°She¡¯s fucking with me! She¡¯s fucking with me and she knows it!¡±
¡°If you know it then don¡¯t play into her hand like this. She¡¯s trying to piss you off.¡±
¡°Ugh!¡± She yanked herself free from James¡¯s grip the cast me a long, hard glance. I could tell that she was trying to suppress her rage now that James had brought her back to reality.
¡°James, can you get her to prepare me something nice now that she¡¯s calmed down?¡±
At my words, she chuckled. ¡°I will enjoy killing you once this is all over.¡±
After offering me those kind words, she walked back over to the other side of her room and the audio of her show once again filled the room. It seemed like she had calmed down for the time being.
¡°You said you were hungry?¡± James said, as I turned back to face him.
¡°Is there anything to eat here?¡± I asked.
¡°There¡¯s some leftover tacos on the counter.¡±
¡°Ah, sorry. I¡¯m vegetarian.¡±
¡°Oh really? Well, I¡¯m sure we could get you something else¡¡±
¡°No, I¡¯m joking. I¡¯m fine with tacos,¡± I said.
¡°That wasn¡¯t a funny joke.¡± He rubbed his temple with the side of the gun.
¡°Hmmm, maybe not. Still, I think it¡¯s sweet that you¡¯d cater to me even though I¡¯m your captive. You have a cute side to you, don¡¯t you James?¡±
The audio coming from the tablet across the room suddenly came to a halt once more.
¡°Jude, stay over there,¡± James said.
The girl clicked her tongue and resumed her video. With a sigh of relief, the man before me picked himself up and walked over to the kitchen area where he slid two tacos onto a paper plate.
¡°Do you have a drink of preference?¡± he asked. ¡°Coke, OJ, beer¡ wait, I guess you can¡¯t have the last one, huh?¡±
¡°Water¡¯s fine, thanks,¡± I said.
James shrugged and filled a glass up with tap water. Electricity, running water, and heating. Setting all of this up out in the woods would certainly require assistance in multiple different fields and departments. The thought that the cult¡¯s control over the inside of the city was that grand was a terrifying prospect, but not exactly unsurprising considering the fact that the leader was using Dream Paralysis. No, it isn¡¯t the same as Dream Paralysis. Oliver, or the prophet as they know him, can use his power to read the minds of others. In a conversation with someone else, all he¡¯d need to do is ask very specific questions to stimulate their minds and extract the information he needs to manipulate them.
In a way, it¡¯s a power even more terrifying than Tristan¡¯s. Whereas anyone could tell when their body is being manipulated against their will, it¡¯s difficult to prove that someone has read your mind. In fact, one could easily convince you that you¡¯re mentally ill before you convince yourself that you were the victim of some sort of psychic attack. Or, in this case, you could be convinced that it was the work of a Great Prophet.
Once James had gotten everything ready, he walked over to Jude who was still seated and watching her tablet. His presence above her caused her to pause the show she was watching once again and look over to face him.
¡°What?¡± she asked with a scowl.
¡°Go feed her.¡±
¡°Wh-Why? Why should I do it?¡±
¡°Because I don¡¯t trust you with the gun, and I don¡¯t trust her to be unchained more than what¡¯s necessary.¡± Having said that, he thrust the plate of food and the drink into her face. Her scowl only grew as she recognized the importance of her role despite her aversion to the task, and she reluctantly accepted. Her neck creaked like an old door as she turned to meet my smiling visage.
¡°Judie dear, please do hurry up. My food is getting cold.¡±
¡°I swear I¡¯m going to make her suffer,¡± she said.
James sighed, and Peter continued blissfully tinkering with whatever he had on his desk as Jude walked over towards me. I leaned back into the chair with a grin. Having her wait on me filled me with a sense of joy. And so did every excruciating second of her shamefully walking back over to my side of the cabin so that she could eventually come up to me. That expression of frustration on her face as she submitted to her role of my servant and held the taco out for me¡ oh my God.
¡°Open your mouth, whore.¡±
I leaned forward to take a bite out of the taco. Beef. A favorite of mine. Once I was done eating, I looked back up at her and smiled.
¡°Judie Judie, the taco is delicious, but I could do without the attitude. Could you turn it down a notch, please?¡±
My words seemed to get under her skin. She flinched as if she was about to say something, but she decided against it. Instead, she flipped the taco open and spat on the inside of it, before closing it and holding it out for me.
¡°My apologies your majesty. Here is your next bite.¡±
My eyes met hers. She was grinning now. She must¡¯ve gotten some sick pleasure out of spitting in my food. In fact, it came to her so naturally that I imagined she must have worked in food service prior to this.
But without pondering it for too much longer, I took a large bite out of the taco without any hint of whatever reaction she was looking for. I neither rushed to throw it down, nor did I take slow bites filled with disgust. I savored the taco as if it were just another good meal.
¡°Wha-¡°
I pulled myself back after devouring the entirety of my first taco, licking my lips then grinning back up at her.
¡°Mm, not bad,¡± I said.
¡°You¡¯re so nasty! Ew ew ew.¡±
I raised an eyebrow. ¡°What? I¡¯m not going to waste a perfectly good taco because of you. For all I know it¡¯s the last meal I¡¯ll get. Now hand feed me the second one already.¡±
¡°You little!!¡±
¡°Jude,¡± James interrupted as she lifted the plate as if to throw it to the ground.
¡°Wha- but James, this is humiliating! She¡¯s just¡ she¡¡±
¡°I understand. How about this? Once you¡¯re done feeding her, we¡¯ll tie her mouth shut. How about that?¡±
Her head seemed to perk up at the idea. ¡°Hmmm¡¡±
¡°What, don¡¯t like what I have to say, Jamie?¡± I asked.
¡°Oh, the Prophet already warned me about that mouth of yours. But after hearing it for myself, I think it¡¯ll be for the best if we kept it shut until we need it.¡±
I opened my mouth to respond, but the second taco was immediately stuffed into my mouth before I could get a word out.
¡°Yeah, so enjoy this freedom while you can you little freak,¡± she said.
The juicy beef textured by the rice and sauces oozing out of the taco as they filled my mouth almost made me forgive her for such a fatal transgression. My love for tacos is only surpassed by my own spitefulness, after all. Perhaps that was why it didn¡¯t take me very long to throw it all down my throat.
¡°A drink for our Lady Irma?¡± She held the cup above my head and poured it out with such little care that some of the water wound up splashing across my chin and the sides of my face rather than going down my mouth. My face felt messy, and my clothes had gotten wet. There were bits and pieces of taco ingredients clinging to my jacket. But none of that matters here, does it? I¡¯m just the key to Dream Paralysis to them.
¡°You overdid it, Jude,¡± he sighed.
¡°What, you¡¯re upset that your high school girlfriend got treated unfairly, ¡®Jamie¡¯?¡±
He sighed, walking forward with what appeared to be a small towel in his hand.
¡°I¡¯m going to gag you, okay?¡±
¡°Wait,¡± I said, my head hanging down.
¡°What is it?¡± he asked.
¡°She¡¯s gonna apologize,¡± Jude said. ¡°Watch. Bitch finally learned her place I bet.¡±
If there was anything I learned from talking to these two, it¡¯s that I could definitely make this work. My options aren¡¯t many, but there is a chance to manipulate them and set myself free. All I need to do is pit them against one another, and the opportunity will eventually present itself. I just need to come up with something realistic for when that time comes. But for now, I¡¯ll keep playing into driving a wedge between them.
¡°I won¡¯t be mean to her anymore Jamie, I promise. Please don¡¯t gag me up.¡±
¡°You mean it?¡± he asked.
¡°Don¡¯t believe her,¡± Jude said. ¡°She¡¯s lying.¡±
¡°I¡¯m lying?¡± I asked. ¡°I¡¯m doing you a favor. Or what, are you excited at the idea of James stuffing my mouth full?¡±
Jude flinched in surprise, and James sighed once more.
¡°High schoolers¡¡± He placed the gag into my mouth.
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - VI
The next morning, I sat together with Lance in my world history class, as was customary on Tuesdays. The bell hadn¡¯t rung yet so the two of us were sitting idly in bitter anticipation of the day¡¯s beginning. For whatever reason, with his chair turned so that he could use my desk, he had been scribbling gibberish onto the last page of his notebook while shooting me the occasional weary glance. I had considered letting it slide at first since I felt like the moment would pass him eventually, but the frequency of his eyes meeting mine caused me to concede to my curiosity.
¡°What, man?¡± I asked.
¡°Your hair.¡±
¡°My hair? What about my hair?¡±
¡°It looks¡ good?¡± He scratched the back of his head. ¡°It¡¯s weird. It doesn¡¯t look like an upside-down soup bowl today.¡±
I felt myself getting angry. Calm down Tristan, it¡¯s just Lance. He¡¯s just trying to get under your skin.
¡°Thanks, I got it cut yesterday.¡±
¡°No prob.¡± I felt my face relax into a smile when he got the words out. It was a wonder that he still found ways to play me like that after all these years, but he wouldn¡¯t be Lance if he couldn¡¯t. ¡°Where¡¯d you get it cut anyway?¡±
¡°Lawrence did it,¡± I said.
¡°Law- tch. What, he couldn¡¯t take my girlfriend so now he has to go after my best friend? What is that guy¡¯s deal?¡±
I shrugged. ¡°What? It¡¯s not like he¡¯s talking to us just to hurt you.¡±
¡°Huh? Of course he is. That guy¡¯s a spite-driven LOSER! Plus, he¡¯s not even that good at basketball. Where does he get off?¡±
¡°Uh, yes he is.¡±
Lance glared my way. ¡°Huh. That was an awfully defensive response, Trist. What, do you like him or something?¡±
¡°Yeah, he¡¯s cool.¡±
¡°Huh?!¡°
I had taken a look at the book Lawrence had loaned me when I got home last night. ¡®The Secret to Being Admired¡¯ by Jeremy Felix. Judging just by the introductory passage, people tended to value two things, outward kindness and authenticity over everything else when dealing with other people. The problem was that the combination of these two attributes were very difficult to balance when communicating with others.
When I thought back to what I found so mesmerizing about Laura Young, the author¡¯s hypothesis neatly explained why she seemed almost unrealistically beautiful to me. That someone could be so genuinely kind almost seemed too good to be true. Could a normal human being truly ever live up to that ideal? Was it possible for someone like me? At the very least, Lawrence had at least attempted to live up to that ideal for the past four years. And regardless of whether it was successful or not, that he had even tried to be like Laura was enough for me to respect him.
¡°Whatever man,¡± Lance said, pouting and returning to his scribbling.
¡°Huh? What¡¯s wrong?¡±
¡°Nothing.¡± He kept pouting.
¡°By the way¡¡± I glanced down at the book he was scribbling inside of. ¡°I¡¯ve been meaning to ask what you think it is you¡¯re doing.¡±
¡°Practicing my signature,¡± he said.
¡°Your¡ really?¡°
¡°Hell yeah. I¡¯m a movie star now, Trist. What, do you think I¡¯m gonna let the fact that you were hanging out with Lawrence get to me? No, man. I¡¯m famous. I was on the big screen. There¡¯s a star in Hollywood with my name on it, you know? They haven¡¯t written it down yet, but that Queltin Tatatino guy¡¯s gonna be e-mailing my manager any second now after that amazing performance. And you know what? If he signs me at seven figures, then I MIGHT consider helping him out on his little movie. But forget about that, the point is that I¡¯m above your petty little high school games.¡± He waved his hand at me dismissively. ¡°I¡¯m in the big leagues now. I won¡¯t have any shortage of friends where I¡¯m going.¡±
Why did his head get so swollen over a student film we threw together at the last minute? Was Lance always like this?
¡°Ignore him Trist, he¡¯s just jealous that you made a new friend.¡± The voice came from Naomi, who took a seat on my desk like she always did. Lance tugged his book away with the soft anger of a puppy that had its favorite toy taken away. ¡°I like your new look Trist, it¡¯s cute.¡±
¡°Oh thanks, but¡ why would he be jealous of that?¡± I asked.
¡°Who¡¯s jealous? I¡¯m not jealous, okay?¡± He leaned forward to rest his chin on Naomi¡¯s lower thigh then glared at me. ¡°Listen man. Like I said, I¡¯m a celebrity now, okay? Everyone knows me because of that movie. I¡¯ve got a reputation to maintain and whatever. Do you really think I have the time to be jealous of what a few peons get up to in the day?¡±
¡°Yeah,¡± Naomi said.
¡°I can see it,¡± I agreed.
¡°NO I¡¯M NOT! Dude listen¡¡±
Before he could begin explaining, Naomi began rubbing the top of his head gently through the top of his beanie. For whatever reason, that appeared to have interrupted his train of thought, and his tense expression seemed to melt away into a strange grin.
¡°Listen what?¡± I asked.
¡°Nothing, forget I said anything.¡±
I wasn¡¯t sure what about her caressing his head had changed what he was about to say, but I was apparently going to be spared more bragging for the time being.
¡°So anyway Trist,¡± Naomi said as she turned back to me. ¡°I heard from a little birdie that you and Zoey are dating now. Is that true?¡±
¡°No,¡± I said.
¡°Yeah,¡± Lance said. ¡°They¡¯re dating. They started going out last¡ wait, what?¡±
¡°We¡¯re not dating,¡± I said.
¡°But¡¡± Naomi, eyebrows furrowed, looked down at Tristan. ¡°I heard from Krista that Zoey said¡¡±
¡°Whatever she said is a lie. We¡¯re not dating, I have no interest in dating her, and I will never date her.¡±
¡°Really¡?¡± Naomi looked down with her arms folded. ¡°I mean, don¡¯t get me wrong. I get why you¡¯d be hesitant. I mean, I¡¯m the one who told you about that Oliver person so of course I get it, but¡ why¡¯re you flat out denying it? Did you talk to her about it? Is there like, bad blood?¡±
¡°I don¡¯t really want to talk about it right now.¡±
¡°Mm, okay. I understand,¡± Naomi said. ¡°But then what about the club?¡±
¡°I¡¯ll probably talk to Jaz about it. It sucks, but I don¡¯t really want to go back there anymore.¡±
Silence fell over the three of us. I hadn¡¯t meant to make things awkward, but it felt like the right decision. I don¡¯t know what Zoey was planning by starting that rumor, but it would most likely be for the best if I distanced myself from her as much as possible.
¡°Speaking of, where is the old slavedriver anyway?¡± Lance asked.
¡°Slavedriver,¡± Naomi repeated.
¡°She¡¯s just got that vibe to her, you know? Like if we were still in the early 1800s, she¡¯d be cracking the old snake with a wicked nasty grin on her face.¡±
¡°If you¡¯re leaving the club Trist,¡± Naomi said while holding Lance¡¯s head with such a forceful grip that I thought she¡¯d rip his scalp off. ¡°Then that means Lancey is leaving too, which means that I¡¯m also leaving. So, the club¡¯s going to go back to needing three more members or it¡¯ll get shut down. Are you going to be okay with that?¡±
Well, I wasn¡¯t, but I could coordinate with Jaz to make sure that they¡¯ll have enough replacements before we quit.
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¡°Ow, ow, ow. Hey, don¡¯t call me Lancey in front of Trist,¡± Lance said.
¡°Why not? He knows we¡¯re dating this time so why hide it?¡±
¡°Ugh¡ you¡¯re just so¡.¡± He scratched his head where Naomi¡¯s grip had loosened, then sighed again. ¡°Whatever, But seriously, guys. Where is Zoey? She¡¯s usually the first person here.¡±
¡°It¡¯ll be fine. The club won¡¯t get disbanded,¡± I said. ¡°Zoey would never let that happen.¡±
Naomi seemed to ponder my assessment for a moment, then smiled. ¡°You must have a lot of faith in her.¡±
¡°In some parts of her.¡±
She always gets her way in the end. No matter how much the odds are stacked against her, it¡¯s like she knows how to bend people to her whims and eventually get what she wants. And if someone dares to oppose her, she¡¯ll simply stomp them out like a cockroach. I¡¯ve seen it time and time again when she was opposed by Ben, Gwen, and even Lawrence. At this point I¡¯m convinced that not even adults could stand in her way.
¡°Guys I¡¯m being one hundred percent serious right now. Where is she?¡± Lance asked.
¡°¡±Who cares?¡±¡±
The palpable shock on Lance¡¯s face when we¡¯d both shut down his question caused him to reel back in his seat.
¡°Dude, I feel like I¡¯m in the twilight zone right now. Why do you guys both hate Zoey all of a sudden? You¡¯re making me look like one of her rabid fanboys.¡±
¡°It¡¯s not really that we hate her¡ right Trist?¡±
¡°I hate her,¡± I said.
¡°You do?¡± Naomi asked.
¡°Seriously¡?¡± Lance frowned. ¡°After everything that¡¯s happened?¡±
¡°Yeah, I do.¡± I stared down at my fingers near my lap. ¡°I spent the past few nights thinking about it, and I¡¯ve learned a lot about how I feel about her. Yeah, I do hate her. I hate her, but at the same time it¡¯s not like I think she¡¯s someone who¡¯s like¡ malicious is the word, right? I don¡¯t think she¡¯s malicious enough to inspire hate, she¡¯s just different.¡±
¡°Different?¡± he asked.
Like the difference between a lion and a gazelle, I wanted to say. Call me dramatic, but the fact that Zoey Brahm lives among normal people seems to me like a failing of our species. I wonder how many Zoeys there are walking around out there in the world, making the lives of those around them miserable in such a cold, sophisticated manner?
Before I could answer Lance¡¯s question though, a familiar voice called out to me from in the direction of the door.
¡°Hey Tristy, has Zoey¡. oh holy shit you¡¯re HOT today. Nice haircut!¡±
There stood Jazmine Lee, whose braids swayed as she tilted her head with her expression of concern visibly peering into me. I felt my face burn up as she complimented my appearance in front of my friends, who were both raising eyebrows at me.
¡°T-thanks¡¡± If I hadn¡¯t known what I learned on Sunday, I might have gotten the wrong idea. What is wrong with my heart?
¡°Anyway, has Zoey come to class yet?¡±
¡°Oh, no she hasn¡¯t,¡± I said.
¡°Hmm, this is really weird.¡±
¡°See?! I knew I wasn¡¯t crazy¡± Lance said with indignation coloring his expression.
¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Naomi asked.
Jaz looked down at her phone and began navigating through the multitude of different colors that reflected in her eyes.
¡°I haven¡¯t been able to get in touch with her since club ended yesterday,¡± she said.
Good riddance, I wanted to say. But I knew that it would have come off as insensitive. None of them knew what Zoey had put everyone through. But still, if I¡¯m lucky, I¡¯ll never have to see her face again.
¡°Huh? Yeah, that is weird,¡± Naomi said. ¡°Do you need extra hands with the club today while she¡¯s out? The three of us can help you out.¡±
¡°Really?¡± Jaz¡¯s eyes beamed up from the phone, and for a moment, I thought I noticed dazzling sparkles pouring out of her irises as she turned to face me. ¡°You mean it?¡±
¡°Y-yeah¡¡± I said, turning away as my face was slowly dyed a bright shade of red. If Zoey isn¡¯t here, then there¡¯s no reason to turn her down for the time being, right?
¡°Huh? Help her?¡± Lance asked. ¡°I thought we were all quitting.¡±
¡°You¡¯re¡ quitting?¡±
The gentle shock in Jaz¡¯s voice caused both myself and Naomi to twist our heads in utter dismay. I don¡¯t know what kind of faces we were both making, but the normally callous Lance had recoiled back in his seat the second our gazes landed on him.
¡°What man? You said you were, right?¡±
¡°Lancey. Time and place.¡±
¡°Wait why? Why are you all quitting? Is something wrong?¡± Jaz asked.
When Lance and Naomi averted their gazes, Jaz¡¯s own eyes naturally fell onto me. I felt the weight of the emotions Lance¡¯s words stirred within her on my shoulders. This really wasn¡¯t the time to talk about this, but we were far beyond being able to brush it off.
¡°I don¡¯t mind helping out while you¡¯re alone, but¡¡±
¡°Is it Zoey?¡± she asked.
Hesitation overwhelmed me. I felt guilty admitting that Zoey, the girl they all knew I loved, was the reason I wanted to leave the club. But I eventually nodded. There was no point in playing coy. Jaz deserved the truth at least. At my response, she sighed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I shouldn¡¯t have pushed all of this onto you.¡±
¡°No, it¡¯s fine. I really did think I could do this, really. Things just got kinda¡¡±
¡°It¡¯s okay, you don¡¯t have to tell me. I understand. I¡¯ll look into getting someone to replace you guys if she shows up today. Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll make it a clean break for you.¡±
I nodded. ¡°Okay, thank you. And sorry.¡±
Jaz shook her head. ¡°What, you think I blame you for leaving? I mean, it¡¯s Zoey.¡±
I laughed. ¡°Fair enough.¡±
Naomi heaved a sigh of relief. It seemed like things would work out after all. I¡¯m sure Jaz was disappointed that we wouldn¡¯t be able to work together anymore, and so was I. But it¡¯s for the best. The future is unforeseeable, so all we can do is make our best efforts to make it into something positive for ourselves and those we care about. And I appreciated her for understanding and being so willing to go above and beyond for me.
¡°Trist¡ what did Zoey do to you?¡±
Lance¡¯s question caused me to flinch, but I didn¡¯t respond. I couldn¡¯t. There was so much I could tell him, but nothing I wanted to. Because deep down, I knew that getting him involved with Dream Paralysis meant getting him involved with Zoey even more than he already was. What I wanted now was a clean break with her. And for that to happen, the last thing I needed to do was to tell him what was going on.
¡°Oh, speaking of which,¡± Jaz spoke up. ¡°The real reason I came here was to tell you that Ben wants to talk to you, Tristy.¡±
When I heard his name, all the negative emotions of the past month washed over me at once. I told Lawrence that I would do what I could, but realistically, I had no plan beyond accepting his anger and prostrating myself.
¡±Benny Ben?¡± Naomi tilted her head. ¡°What does he want?¡±
Jaz shrugged. ¡°Said he wanted to clear the air or something. I told him I¡¯d relay the message but honestly, I think you¡¯re better off ignoring him.¡±
¡°Yeah, for sure. That guy can get bent man.¡± Lance folded his arms. ¡°After everything he¡¯s done, you shouldn¡¯t give him the time of day unless he apologizes.¡±
Honestly, I wouldn¡¯t be surprised if he was considering doing just that. From his point of view, it must have been strange to have avoided expulsion because the guy you put into the ground a week ago put in a good word for you. It¡¯s also possible that he just wants to talk about Gwen, but there¡¯s no point in guessing, is there?
I stood up and began heading to the door.
¡°Wha¡ hey, Trist?¡± Lance called out.
¡°Trist¡?¡± Naomi asked.
But Jaz was wordless.
She hadn¡¯t offered me so much as a change in expression.
Was it because of what she told me at the lake? About Tanner and Zoey?
Obviously, I was a little curious about that, but that wasn¡¯t why I was heading over there.
After all, I¡¯ve decided that I¡¯m done with Zoey now.
The reason I headed out of the door was because I had to talk to Ben about Ben.
¡°Oh.¡±
And that was the only thing on my mind until I left through the door. Because when I turned to my right, I found myself flinching before I knew it. She had mentioned Ben, but the person I came face to face with a couple of steps outside of the classroom did not look very much like him. No. It was a different, familiar face from a few weeks ago.
¡°James,¡± I said.
Lance¡¯s music friend. I hadn¡¯t seen him since I said those things to him during homecoming week. He was just another person whose name aroused that terrible guilt inside of me. Like Ben and Gwen, he was another person who didn¡¯t deserve what I¡¯d done to them. However, perhaps unlike them, a simple apology could probably rectify this. After all, while the words I¡¯d left him with were hurtful, they were still nothing but a childish outburst. I was sure he¡¯d understand.
¡°Hey James, about those things I said the other day to you. I¡¡±
My words got caught in my throat.
A hard lump had kept them from coming up my esophagus.
What kind of expression was that?
His eyes were wide as the skin around the edges were decorated with black eyeliner. Their bulging red veins in his whites were almost pulsating as his pupils intently held me down forcibly as if they¡¯d petrified me.
And that deranged smile he donned.
What was with that?
Why was he looking at me like that?
Why did he have the look of a man with nothing to lose?
And then¡
Why did he utter those words?
¡°I know what you¡¯ve done.¡±
A chill crawled up my back.
I instinctively took a retreating step.
I thought I saw his expression grow more gleeful at my reaction.
This¡ wasn¡¯t the James from a few weeks ago.
I had no idea what he was talking about or why he was looking at me like that.
But something had changed.
Did my outburst cause something in him?
Something so bad that I had unknowingly put myself in danger?
¡Danger?
Why?
Why did I feel like my life was in danger?
It¡¯s the middle of the morning.
There¡¯s people around us, both in the classroom and outside of it.
He¡¯s just another student.
So why¡?
¡°I¡¡±
My breathing grew rough.
A panic attack.
I felt a panic attack coming.
I¡¯m going to die.
He¡¯s going to kill me.
He¡¯s¡
¡°Hey.¡±
The new voice drew me back into reality.
Benjamin, whose daunting figure towered over everyone else in the halls, had placed his palm on James¡¯s shoulder from behind.
¡°I need to borrow Tristan for a bit. D¡¯you mind?¡±
¡°Hm? Oh nah, go ahead. He¡¯s all yours.¡± When my eyes focused on James¡¯s face, he had the same aloof expression that I¡¯d seen in the music room the other day, while the one I saw earlier, the one I thought I saw, had dissipated completely. ¡°See you around Trist.¡±
¡°H-huh? Oh, yeah¡¡±
I felt my heavy breathing slow down as he walked past me.
It was my mind. It had to be.
My guilt had been playing tricks on me.
I must have been going insane.
After all, not even Zoey herself had ever appeared quite that terrifying to me.
I pinched the bridge of my nose in an attempt to bring myself back into a more grounded headspace. Just as Gwen had told me to weeks ago, I steadied my breathing until I felt comfortable enough to function as normal and then glanced back up at Ben.
His face hadn¡¯t conveyed anything to me. There was no anger, sadness, regret, or even joy to be discerned from the look he was giving me. If I had to characterize it, it was like a classmate communicating with me about the particulars of a homework assignment.
¡°Somewhere more private we can talk?¡± he asked.
I reached into my pocket to feel the metal of the keys. That I had bothered to bring them at all irked me, but I decided that it had to have been a blessing in disguise.
¡°Yeah, let¡¯s go.¡±
After we entered the photography club, the conversation, no. The soliloquy I was greeted by had left me with feelings more conflicted than the ones I¡¯d been struggling with before I left the classroom.
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - VII
I know how you see me, you know. I know how blessed you probably think I am. Heh. Believe it or not, my height actually only came to me in the summer before high school. Ask your friend Naomi about it. She was surprised as hell during freshman year. My point is though, I wasn¡¯t always like this. Middle school was tough for me, and I know how it feels to be looked down on by people like me. I know the thoughts you¡¯re thinking when you look at me; that I¡¯m just a spiteful meathead or something. Yeah yeah, I know. I¡¯m just a goddamned moron with nothing but muscles and sports going for me.
Phew. It¡¯s cool if I smoke in here, right? You can open the window or something when we leave so Zoey doesn¡¯t split you in two.
¡°¡¡±
Not feeling too talkative today? That¡¯s cool, man. I can talk by myself all day. You don¡¯t need to say a word. But, mm, yeah. It¡¯s Zoey. It¡¯s Zoey for sure. She¡¯s kinda like the court that brought us face to face, huh Tristan? We should talk about that. We should talk about Zoey. Hmm, yeah. But before that, let me just say a few things so that we¡¯re on the same page.
First, I wanna say I know that I have anger management issues. Yeah, I do. Surprised? You think I¡¯m that much of a blissful retard, huh? Nah, man. I know. If me hitting Gwen wasn¡¯t a wake-up call then I don¡¯t think I could go on respecting myself as a man. The problem is, I didn¡¯t end up treating it as a lesson ¡®cuz I also hit that ref the other day, and then I hit you like a week later. And I feel bad about all of it. Yeah, I even regret hitting you. Gwen and I had a talk about it the other day. I get why you broke the perfume.
I don¡¯t forgive you for it. It wasn¡¯t your place to do that. But¡ I get it. Your thinking wasn¡¯t wrong about the whole thing. That said, you kinda signed off on Gwen breaking up with me because of that. The last bits of our love splattered all over the floor of that food court when you did that shit. I¡¯d be lying if I said I didn¡¯t wanna smash your face in again thinking about it.
But¡ she¡¯s happier for it, I guess. She said she didn¡¯t want to be a replacement for Zoey, and I get that. If Zoey dated me saying she wanted me to be you, then I¡¯d¡ I dunno. To be honest, I don¡¯t even know what I wanted from Zoey. I can¡¯t tell if I was ever in love with her or if I was in love with the idea of controlling her. I love self-righteous girls like Zoey and Gwen. You get it, right? The feeling of watching a proud, rude bitch like that put their heads between your legs is an unmatched high for guys, right?
But that leads to the second thing that I want to say: Yes, I regret hurting Gwen. I only realized it after I heard that she¡¯d transferred to the city. I spent all day yesterday in disbelief over it. Funny shit, isn¡¯t it? It¡¯s only now that she¡¯s gone that I¡¯ve started to realize just how precious she was. Girls that you feel that comfortable with don¡¯t just come out of nowhere. And I took that for granted and hurt her deeply because of my greed. Yeah, I wanted more. I wanted to taste Zoey Brahm. I was walking headfirst into the same trap as Lawrence did with Krista. I really wanted that girl, so I probably had a mindset that would¡¯ve made me betray the girl I promised myself to. That¡¯s why I decided to end the relationship. Gwen was right. I did want that bitch. I hit Gwen that day because she was right and I refused admit that I was as ugly as Lawrence is.
Why am I opening up like this, you¡¯re probably wondering. Well, that¡¯s because I hate the idea of the asshole meathead version of Benjamin Otto that exists in your mind right now, so I want to set the record straight before I talk about what I really wanted to say. Yeah, surprised? Hard to villainize me when I admit my mistakes, huh? Well, I know what you¡¯re thinking now. Being aware of my flaws means nothing if I don¡¯t work to rectify them. In fact, it¡¯s arguably worse. I¡¯ll grant you that, but before I explain myself let¡¯s get to what I wanted to talk to you about today.
Zoey Brahm.
I¡¯ve heard some people say you guys are dating now. Congratulations, man. Real proud of you. No, I¡¯m serious. I am genuinely proud that you managed to pull that bitch into your orbit. Hopefully it doesn¡¯t end like it did with me. You know, with her cracking an egg in your face and laughing off into the distance. But you know, if it doesn¡¯t, then good for you. If you get to taste her lips or her melons or the sweet apple between her thighs then that¡¯s all good. Even if she fucks with your head beyond repair then that¡¯s all good, because you still got the taste that I couldn¡¯t taste.
But still, a guy can¡¯t help but wonder. How much of what happened between me and her was your doing? I mean, she says she¡¯ll date me then she changes her mind the next day? It¡¯s not like she didn¡¯t know me before she started dating me and then suddenly realized ¡®oh I actually don¡¯t like this guy¡¯ or something. She knew me. We¡¯d been talking for weeks, months before she started ignoring my messages.
So tell me
When did your influence start?
Was it the day after we started dating?
Was it you who got her to say yes as some sort of sick play?
Or did you tell her to ghost me way before that? I¡¯ve been thinking a lot about it, man.
I¡¯m just really curious.
The reason I told you about my anger management issues is because I wanted you to know that I have everything under control.
I¡¯m not going to hit you. I swear it. You don¡¯t think I¡¯m going to hit you, right?
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
You don¡¯t think I asked you to come to a secluded place so that I could beat your face into utter disrepair without any prying eyes to stop it, right?
It¡¯s not like I don¡¯t fear getting expelled, you know.
My dreams of college ball are over.
The only girl that I¡¯d ever loved is hours by car away.
You don¡¯t think I have nothing to lose right now, right man?
Don¡¯t be ridiculous.
Just tell me.
¡°¡¡±
Still nothing? Jesus Christ.
Okay, fine. Let¡¯s ask about something else.
Why did Gwen leave?
Oh, wasn¡¯t expecting that one, were you?
I know you¡¯re responsible somehow. She starts hanging out with you and your loser crew and suddenly she has to move without telling anyone. What, you think I¡¯m a fucking moron or something? What did you do to her? It can¡¯t be me. We¡¯d been broken up for months before, this isn¡¯t anything new to her. I didn¡¯t even tell the teachers that I keyed her car. If anything, I¡¯ve been kind to her. Kind? No, I¡¯ve been cruel, haven¡¯t I? Or kind?
Cruel?
Kind?
Cruel?
Kind? Kind? Cruel?
Kind?
Cruel?
Hey Tristan, what do you think?
Do you think I¡¯ve been cruel to Gwen?
No, nevermind that. Just tell me what you did.
¡°...¡±
Still nothing?
HAH! Fuck me. What a waste of time.
See that? I just slammed your fucking coffee table. Zoey¡¯s gonna be pissed if I end up breaking it, won¡¯t she? So why don¡¯t you just tell me? No, I¡¯m not gonna hurt you. I know about my goddamn anger management problems. That¡¯s why I¡¯m just gonna hit the coffee table. Hitting you wouldn¡¯t even be any fun anyway. The table would give me more of a fight. When I hit you at the mall I felt like I could kill you just as easily as I breathe. I don¡¯t want to hit someone like that.
But still, it doesn¡¯t change the fact that you won¡¯t tell me anything. Hmm. Oh, why don¡¯t I call your friends in here? Naomi, Lance, Jazmine. Maybe if I SHOW YOU how serious I am about getting what I want, you¡¯ll LET ME know what I want to know. Ooo, tables shaking now Tristan. You¡¯d better talk quick. I¡¯m losing my patience.
¡°¡¡±
Speaking of patience, I thought it was strange that Zoey took that bet with me on the homecoming game, but I was strangely off my game. I think that¡¯s what messes with my head the most about her. You can ask anyone on the team about me. When it comes to basketball, I don¡¯t get nervous. My judgment isn¡¯t clouded. I¡¯m a goddamned machine. So when I started playing off my game, I started to wonder just how much I liked this girl. You know, maybe that¡¯s why I got that perfume for Gwen. I wanted to understand it. I wanted to understand how my desire for a girl could cause me to lose my sense of self in the one thing I love more than anything else.
I¡¯m not gonna lie to you, Tristan. If I had to choose between giving up on women or basketball, I¡¯d choose women. There¡¯s nothing I love more than putting the ball through that hoop. The feeling of snatching important rebounds, the rush of getting past an impossible block. The thrill of snatching a shot midair and slamming it through the rim. Sex is just seasoning to the dish of life¡¯s main ingredient, a good fucking game of basketball.
So when I lost myself in that game thinking of Zoey instead of basketball, it made me second guess myself. I¡¯ve been thinking about her all week. I got back together with Gwen because I lost the bet, but my mind¡¯s been all Zoey since then.
Of course it¡¯s Zoey.
It¡¯s all Zoey.
It¡¯s always been Zoey.
Since freshman year it¡¯s been about Zoey.
Since I made varsity it¡¯s been about Zoey.
Since our first conversation it¡¯s been about Zoey.
The conversation we¡¯re having right now is about Zoey.
If you think about it, everything is about Zoey.
It¡¯s Zoey.
Zoey, right?
Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey Zoey.
Zoey FUCKING Brahm. Ah shit, I scared you that time, huh? My bad man. I¡¯m not angry, I promise. I¡¯m in control. So anyway, listen. Whoever it is you think I am, whoever I was that week after the homecoming game, that wasn¡¯t me. I¡¯m a man who lives basketball. This dangerous obsession with some girl like that, it isn¡¯t me. I know I know, I still did everything that I did. But it wasn¡¯t me.
Man, I hope I sound sincere right now. Maybe you think I sound too upbeat or excited to regret it. But I really am regretful for how I treated Gwen, and for attacking you too. I¡¯ve had a lot of time to think it over during the suspension, and that¡¯s just how I feel.
But¡
¡°¡¡±
I can¡¯t close this chapter of my life until I know what really happened.
I want to know why Zoey played with my head like that.
I want to know if I really love her, or if I¡¯m just a slave to the desire she stirred up within me.
And I want to know if I¡¯m the reason Gwen left Deer Valley.
That¡¯s all I want. And since I know neither of them would give me a straight answer, and because Lawrence suggested it, I decided that it would be worth my time to come to you since you seem to know more than you¡¯re letting on. No one else can do me this solid, man. Come on. Please. Just tell me everything you know.
¡°¡¡±
So that¡¯s how it¡¯s gonna be huh? I guess nothing I ever do is EVER ENOU-
Oof, almost hit the table really REALLY hard that time. You know, even though I got kicked off the basketball team, even though my dream of an NCAA debut is all but over, I¡¯m still terrified slamming my hands against the table and hurting them. I still want to play. I still really, really want to play basketball. You have no idea what passion is, do you? You have no idea what ambition and drive are, right? The first club you joined was out of your deep-seated lust or love or whatever the fuck it is for Zoey Brahm.
Yeah, I guess you were never going to tell me anything, even if I did my best to open up to you. And I guess I kinda knew that. We¡¯re two guys who happened to like the same girl, and nothing I can say will change that. But there¡¯s something else I wanted to say to you too. And it¡¯s that we¡¯re different. I have ambition, drive, and a desire for greatness. You, though. You are a seedy, spineless, snotnosed fucking loser with no backbone who would betray every single friend of yours if Zoey Brahm said so, because she¡¯s the only thing you have going for you in your miserable life.
You might believe that you¡¯re better than me right now because you have a bit of her attention, but you are nothing. And the second she drops you for the next guy, you will never have anything until the next girl, who will be far more mediocre than Zoey Brahm is, walks into your life. That¡¯s all you are, Tristan. You are a sad, empty man entirely defined by the women in his life. We¡¯ll talk later, bro. Or not. I don¡¯t really care. I¡¯ve said everything that I care to say to you. If you change your mind about telling me the truth, then hit me up or something. Ask Lawrence for my number. But until then, enjoy Zoey¡¯s lips enough for us both, ¡®kay?
Volume 3 Chapter 1 - VIII
Gwen Diaz thumbed through the contact list on her phone with a gloomy look on her face. The classroom she had chosen to stay in was empty during lunch, but she made no attempt to go out in search of her new acquaintances. Her new life had left her feeling more alone than she had ever felt before.
It was certainly a blessing to be outside of the grasp of Zoey Brahm, she thought. That that girl had grasped her weakness was a failing of her own. She shouldn¡¯t have gone into the girl¡¯s house with Tristan that day. Curse her kind heart for letting that small dog get the best of her.
However, the cost of her sanity, the cost of being far away from Zoey Brahm, was that she was now also apart from some of her closest friends in the world. She stared at the bracelet she had received for her 18th birthday. Penny Taylor, Krista Klein, Lawrence Young, and Warren Jackson. She had even grown to like Naomi Fraise and Lance Harley during her final interactions with them. Without the connections she had forged throughout the past few years of high school, suddenly stepping into a new world of longstanding relationships with their own sets of inside jokes and old stories, she realized now that she was alone.
The fluorescent light shining down on her cast a dark shadow beneath her as it danced along to her every anxious fidget in her chair. She had been in constant contact with Penny since moving. They would text each other consistently, as Gwen kept her updated on what was going on at her new school while Penny filled her in on new happenings at the old one, and they even occasionally had video calls with one another out of a premature fear that they may forget each other¡¯s faces.
But school wasn¡¯t the same for Gwen, no matter how much the connection with her old friend eased the pain for her. She was still an outcast, and the her new acquaintances¡¯ friendliness did nothing to change that. She couldn¡¯t express the complicated emotions she felt outside to any one of them. She was still dealing with the pain of losing the love of her life, and the fear of being hunted by that psychopathic girl. All she could do was continue wearing the mask that she had taken off for a brief moment that night at the Bird Cage.
But even still, it was fine, right? At the very least, she had thought that she would be safe now. When she decided to hop into her car and drive all the way over to the Atlanta metro area after tediously organizing her own transfer, she had expected that the shadow Zoey Brahm had cast over her life would finally be a thing of the past. That is, that she would be nothing more than a bad dream that she could wake up from, relieved that reality was a place far removed from those terrible memories.
However, that all changed when the film club of her new school, Peach Gardens High, approached her about a video that had gained a decent following on the internet. As it turned out, Zoey had uploaded the short film to the photography club¡¯s Youtube channel, and it had amassed over 50,000 views in just a single day. As a result, her new school¡¯s photography club, who was vaguely familiar with Deer Valley High¡¯s due to its abundance of success, had forwarded the video to the film club, and the rest was history.
Mary Gray, the head of the club, expressed her interest in speaking to everyone involved in the filmmaking process directly about perhaps working on a collaborative project together, namely, a minidocumentary covering the game between the two schools¡¯ basketball teams. Their first game against one another was the season opener for both schools, and there was a good chance that both teams, as the favorites, would make it deep into the playoffs if not outright the finals. It was a chance to document the rivalry of the schools and draw more eyes to the players on each team. She would be doing everyone a favor by helping to bridge the two clubs together, including Deer Valley High¡¯s basketball players.
However, the issue was that to do so would allow Zoey a new path into her life. She had just escaped the girl, so how could she just accept this role as a mediator between clubs? Her feet tapped rhythmically against the ground like a hammer driving a nail in. She was at a crossroads. To cross the tiger and create a better world for the people close to her, or to hole up safely in her sanctuary across the forest.
But then again, was it okay for her to leave it be? After all, there was something else that had been bothering Gwen. She recalled the feeling in the pit of her stomach when she received the video from Lawrence¡¯s phone the day before. He mentioned that he¡¯d get Zoey to kiss his feet after Gwen had told him everything that monster did. But for it to suddenly backfire into something like that¡ or was it staged?
No. For all his faults, ¡®The Law¡¯ was a genuine friend to her. She immediately shook off the idea that it might have been something the two of them did together. Zoey had played Lawrence somehow. She played him so badly that the boy was too ashamed to face her after the incident and hadn¡¯t responded to a single one of her texts. If his confronting Zoey was Gwen¡¯s design, then she was responsible for what had happened to him. So really, was it okay to just leave things as they were? Was it okay to leave Penny and Krista and the rest of them in that school with that girl? Gwen had been so terrified of being confronted by her worst fears that she had accidentally condemned the people close to her to being at the mercy of a hungry tiger.
I have to protect them, she thought suddenly. I need to come up with a plan.
¡°A plan¡¡±
When she uttered the words, that boy¡¯s face came to mind. Really, she still had no idea if the plan during the homecoming game was something he conceived on his own or not. That kind of dirty trick sounded like it came from straight out of Zoey¡¯s playbook.
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¡°What am I thinking¡?¡±
Tristan Collins could not be trusted. He had betrayed her. He knew her weakness. He knew the consequences. He knew that she might have died. Yes, Tristan was just as bad as Zoey.
And yet¡
Why didn¡¯t she tell Lawrence that that boy was just as culpable?
Why did she finish the script despite everything?
And why was she considering asking for his help?
Gwen¡¯s mind was juggling the different versions of Tristan Collins that existed in her head.
The easily manipulated loser that was hopelessly in love with the that evil woman.
The shrewd mastermind who manipulated the outcome of the homecoming game.
The kind boy who stood up for others at their lowest.
Which one are you, she wondered.
Is Tristan Collins one of these people?
Is he all of them?
Or is he none of them at all?
She found herself scratching her head. She had a pretty good idea of who Naomi and Lance were, but Tristan was an enigma. Like a Rubik¡¯s Cube she couldn¡¯t solve.
Knowing is half the battle, and she didn¡¯t know what to make of Tristan. But what she did know was that she wanted to know. If she didn¡¯t know, then she couldn¡¯t be certain of whether it was a good idea to take the film club up on their offer. Therefore, she decided to know.
And it was that thought process that guided her into picking up her phone in order to make a very important call to someone in the photography club.
---
Warren Jackson and Penny Taylor sat together at the usual table.
Alone.
Two love birds joined in isolation, as their newly found feelings for one another was the only spice their lunches needed. Benjamin was seated with the rest of the basketball team, and Lawrence was away with the photography club.
Yes, the photography club.
That is, Zoey Brahm and Tristan Collins¡¯s photography club.
Warren was all but convinced that Tristan was, if not the mastermind, then at the very least the moving piece that spun the homecoming game into chaos under the pseudonym ¡°Travis¡±. And that aside, there was also Gwen¡¯s sudden transfer. It came the day after he received the strange call about Zoey. Tristan and Zoey were definitely behind the incident at the game, and they were probably responsible for Gwen¡¯s transfer too. He would have asked the girl herself if he weren¡¯t so worried about stepping on her toes. But regardless, that did beg the question. Why was Lawrence with them now?
¡°Soooo, Gwen¡¯s decided not to join the cheer squad at her new school, but she¡¯s looking at working with the film club on their new project.¡± She looked down and touched her bracelet with a smile. ¡°She told me her next project would be a surprise, but ... I¡¯m already surprised. To think the script she did for the photography club would cause such a stir, huh?¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
Penny¡¯s gaze shot up from her bracelet to Warren, who was staring off into the distance.
¡°Renny, are you paying attention? What are you looking at?¡± Penny followed Warren¡¯s gaze and found herself staring over at the photography club and their friend ¡®The Law¡¯. ¡°Oh, Lawrence huh? Well, it kinda makes sense. Tristan and Naomi were there at Gwen¡¯s birthday. The four of them kinda hit it off, huh? Gwen, Lawrence, Naomi, Tristan¡¡±
¡°They did,¡± Warren said.
¡°Still, I won¡¯t accept them,¡± Penny protested, folding her arms. ¡°Gwen is mine. I won¡¯t let them have her.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°You know Renny, I really do feel like Gwen and Ben¡¯s relationship was the glue that held our group together. I would have never gotten to know you three from the basketball team if it weren¡¯t for them.¡±
¡°Mm.¡±
¡°Lawrence and Krista used to fill that role, but¡ then he cheated on her. That was really unforgivable of him. I still hate that Krista left our group instead of him, but I don¡¯t exactly hate Lawrence. He¡¯s a nice person sometimes. He¡¯s nice, but I don¡¯t get why he keeps doing the things that he does. And I don¡¯t get why the three of you forgive him for it. Gwen especially. I can¡¯t tell if he hits on her as a joke or if he¡¯s really being weird. If it wasn¡¯t for her being so fine with him, then I probably wouldn¡¯t be anywhere near Lawrence out of principle.¡±
¡°Yeah.¡±
¡°I guess what I¡¯m trying to say is, do we really have to hang out with Lawrence now that Gwen is gone?¡±
¡°Well, he¡¯s my captain,¡± Warren said.
¡°Yeah, but¡ he can just be your captain at club, right? Do we need to be his friends outside of that?¡±
Warren turned to face Penny. His head movement was so sudden that it caused her to flinch. ¡°W-what? Don¡¯t scare me like that.¡±
¡°Lawrence is a good person.¡±
¡°But¡¡±
¡°Ben is a good person too,¡± Warren said.
¡°I¡ really doubt that,¡± Penny said. ¡°I think you¡¯re the only good person here, Warren. You and Gwen are.¡±
¡°And you,¡± Warren said.
¡°Me? I¡¯m not¡¡±
¡°I believe in all of my friends. Gwen, Lawrence, Ben, and you too.
¡°I¡ see¡¡±
Penny averted her gaze as Warren turned back to face the photography club.
The guilt was tearing her apart. The past few days had been a dream come true for her. She loved Warren, and she was overjoyed that she could finally spend time with him not as just a friend, but as his one and only girlfriend. However, she couldn¡¯t escape the truth. The truth that she had had her own ulterior motives in getting together with Warren so hastily.
The meeting was soon after all, and she wanted him to join her as soon as possible. But how would she find the opening? How could she convince him to take the first step as she had? Would she be enough of a motivator for him? Her grip tightened on the pamphlet in her pocket.
Hopefully, she thought. Hopefully he goes with her and finds his true self in the Order as she had.