《The Bright Object》


 (1) Harsh Realities and an Elusive Dream

    Joe''s POV-


    When I woke up in the morning, I felt like someone was hammering thousands of nails on my head. I massaged my temple and checked my bed to see if Diane was there, as she always was. She usually smiled at me, brighter than the beautiful morning sunshine. But this time, she wasn''t there next to me.


    It made me nervous not to find her lying with me in bed in the morning, especially after she had spent the whole night in my room. I felt like I had made that mistake again: left her in my dreams and forgotten to take her back.


    I pushed myself out of bed and got on my feet. "Diane?" I called out, reaching out to the window where she usually sat, and smiled at me childishly. But she wasn''t there either. My chest tightened. I was inherently expecting her to come over as she regularly did when I called out to her. She had never ignored my voice except for this time. Then I realized that she might be mad at me for some unknown reason.


    I had a bad habit of annoying her with unusual things that I say and do with my utter idiocy. Things never went wrong when I was with her. In fact, she was the only one who made me feel safe and loved.


    Diane, at times, acted stupid too, or perhaps I was stupid to think she was stupid. But whatever, she sometimes acted stupid. She didn''t want to understand what you were trying to say and got upset. Last night, we were talking about the sky and the universe, and how things change in your life over time. I tried to philosophize in a way that no one else gave me the chance to explain myself. I tried to tell her how the stars, the sun, the moon, and other objects in the universe are linked to your life. It''s called astrology. A teacher in my kindergarten used to talk about it a lot, and I was a fan of her nerdy talks.


    And then I told Diane that I see the whole universe in her eyes. But she said, "Why, am I not your universe?" She didn''t understand and stopped talking to me. I couldn''t make her understand. It hurts a lot when your favorite person is upset with you. Something in your heart feels empty for a certain moment. It feels as though you are losing a part of yourself, and there is no other way to make yourself feel whole again other than to make up with that person.


    Stupid girl. She liked making me cry.


    I went to my canvas board to put my image of her into a painting. It was a very old hobby that no one could ever snatch away from me, not even Uncle Danny. Whenever I missed the girl, I would take the paintbrush between my fingers and start filling up the black canvas in front of me with my colorful paintbrush. It gave me immense strength, and in no more than 20 minutes, I would create an extremely gorgeous painting that would possibly make your jaw touch the ground. This time, I had painted this one: she was wearing a white off-shoulder wedding dress and wore her hair in a messy bun, while riding a white horse, looking behind her shoulder, looking at you. She wore that sweet smile on her face, the one she always shoots me when I wrap her in my arms.


    "Now, come here, would you?" I pleaded to her picture, hoping for her to arrive. She did. Every time I wanted her to come around, she appeared and threw her hands around my neck.


    A knock on my door echoed, and I cracked a huge grin. But no sooner had I gone to answer it than the grin on my face faded.


    "Get ready for your school," Uncle Danny said in a very stern voice, which made me back up a few inches from the door, startled.


    Uncle Danny is the one who raised me after my birth because I am unfortunate enough to not have my parents by my side. My mom was beautiful, a fairy-like princess, and my dad was a tall, handsome guy. The two of them were a perfect match, so much like me and Diane. Sometimes, I felt Diane looked like my mother. I had seen my mother''s picture; she was a sweet blonde, however, unlike Diane, she had emerald green eyes which I inherited from her. She was a perfect match for my father. Sadly, I was not as handsome as he was.


    Anyway, people say I am a stroke of bad luck for our family. They think that my dad''s last car accident occurred because of me when my mom was pregnant. They believe that if I never came into their world, everything would be otherwise. I, too, somehow believed in what they said, because I know that my mom left the world right after she brought me into it. Still, I couldn''t quite find the connection between my birth and my father''s death, although my teenage mind always believed everything that the public had to say.


    Since then, Uncle Danny has been taking care of me officially. At least this is what you can call it. But he didn''t know how I felt mentally, maybe because he did not want to know me at all. Not to mention the fact that he always made it worse for me. I spent every single minute of every single day thinking about how to be loved by everyone. If not by everyone, at least by someone, especially by my family. But then again, I had brought bad luck to my family, and everybody hated me.


    I made no interest in finding Diane further, instead, I started to get ready for school.


    <hr>


    School sucked, of course, it is a normal thought when you have enough kids who bully you whenever they find you around. But it is not always easy to avoid people like them. People who want to find you, tend to find you. I mean, I was a sort of time pass to them. Whenever they got bored with things, they would come to me and use me as if I were their main entertainment.


    Surely, no one likes to be bullied almost every day. But since you act all depressed and sad (because I was), it gives them the chance to harass you, and they put you into embarrassing situations from where you don''t seem to get rid of yourself. There are so many examples of mental and physical bullying, and soon enough, I will tell you some.


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    To be honest, I was really a weird person. The weirdest of teenagers. I don''t know what happened to me, don''t know what went on in my mind round the clock, but I acted really awkward, and that was what gave them the chance to dominate me. See, it all starts with you.


    Sometimes I felt all alone even though I knew that Diane was always with me, but I needed love, I needed comfort, I needed someone else who would take care of me, who would treat me as important; most of all, I needed a complete home where someone would wait for me to return.


    I was tired of being rejected. Actually, I was tired of not being beloved. Kids with parental support won''t get what I am saying (unless you actually try to). I was in need of someone whom I could call mom and I needed someone to whom I could call dad. So, if you have your parents beside you, then you are lucky because not everyone is that gifted.


    Your parents are a gift, actually. Since God can''t always keep an eye on you, he sends your parents to support you. To watch your every move, to get your back. If you have that support, you must consider yourself lucky. And I... oh, boy! I envy you.


    I went to sit on the back bench. I was always a backbencher since no one liked to sit with me, but that didn''t mean that they would completely ignore me. Instead of ignoring me, they bullied me whenever they got a chance. However, that didn''t change who I was. I still acted all weird and stupid, probably because I was depressed all the time. And lonely, apparently.


    Not when Diane was with me, though. In fact, I always tried to act smart around her. I didn''t like to appear as weak as I was, because that kinda turned her off. In truth, weakness can turn anyone off when it comes to romantic relations.


    But when I see Diane, all my depressions melt away, and I feel like life is a joy ride, but just when she leaves, my world shuts down again and I fall into complete darkness.


    "Hey Joe, have you done your homework?" Mr. Anderson asked, skeptically eyeing me.


    By the time I realized I had forgotten to do my homework, it was already too late; I was already in the classroom, looking at this stone-cold, grumpy man. This was not a new thing¡ªme not doing my homework. I was always so busy talking with Diane that I forgot almost everything. Yet, homework was boring, so I was not much into it. Diane was interesting, and I was so much into her.


    "Joe Watson, please come here along with your homework," Mr. Anderson ordered.


    I stood up and cleared my throat so that the words would come out. "Actually, sir, I have forgotten to..."


    "Come here!" Mr. Anderson cut me off. "How many times do I have to tell you that you are not allowed in my class without your homework?" he spat. For a moment, I thought I saw fire burning in his eyes. I stood silently knowing that this was going to be another bad day of my life.


    Not that I haven''t had some good times, too, but bad days were becoming my friend, actually. Sometimes I felt like I was still living in my childhood instead of becoming a real teenager and having the fun that real teenagers have¡ªlike having sex with their girlfriends, drinking, and playing party games¡ªnot that I had any friends, and my girlfriend never had sex with me, so...


    "Joe Watson! Would you like to come here, please?!" the grumpy man shouted.


    Being the center of attention, I went to him, the song, "Mercy" by Shawn Mendes playing in my mind. The whole class was habitually laughing at me, but that didn''t have any impact on my brain. I was so used to it.


    Then the nightmare I had came true. Mr. Anderson asked me to come over to the board and wanted me to solve the problem he was having with some type of equation. Sorry, my bad. He wasn''t having a problem; he was just checking if I was paying attention to his math classes earlier.


    Reluctantly, I went to him and picked up the marker from his table. The equation was confusing. At least I thought so. I didn''t know how to solve it. It was like I was seeing some ants walking on the board instead of numbers. This happened to me all the time, whenever I tried to focus hard on something, I got so nervous and... Well, maybe shy.


    I got so confused. The marker fell from my hand and hit the ground. Along with the sound of it falling, I could also hear everybody''s mocking laughter around me. As usual, they were laughing at me, which you might not find surprising. Neither did I.


    "So, you do not know how to solve a simple calculation! How come you happened to come to my class, Joe!" Mr. Anderson blurted out. "Get out now and don''t you dare come back again without your guardian!"


    I was kind of worried now. Because the last thing I wanted to do was to drag Uncle Danny into this mess. He never wanted to get involved in anything regarding my life. I strode off towards the exit while all the students were taunting me and extensively laughing.


    Loser, I was.


    <hr>


    I ran up to the lake where I used to meet Diane every day after school, but today was a different day. Not different, actually, but better than any other day. Because something worse could have taken place; Mr. Anderson could have insulted me more, but he let me go easily this time. Only on one condition, "Get out now and don''t you dare to come back again without your guardian!"


    The fact that had invaded the little space I had in my mind full of sorrows was that I had to convince Uncle Danny to take me to school the following day to have a discussion with Mr. Anderson over my so-called behavior.


    I lay on the green grass, throwing my backpack underneath my head. In an attempt to close my eyes to escape from the harsh reality, a breeze swept off the ground and a familiar scent hit my nose.


    I gazed at my right side and spotted Diane lying next to me, with her eyes half closed and arms underneath her head. Her blonde hair was falling on her forehead, making the moon-shaped face look even cuter.


    I noticed her outfit. She was wearing a cute white sundress that just ended above her knees. She wears white a lot.


    I didn''t say anything because I wanted her to start explaining where she was. I was sort of annoyed by her random appearance and disappearance. I looked away, pretending to ignore her.


    Within a fraction of a second, she threw her arms around my neck and pulled me into a huge breathtaking hug. I nearly choked.


    "What are you doing? Get off!" I tried to sound annoyed, but deep down I knew that this hug was all that was needed right now. Right now, when I was so full with my own goddamn thoughts.


    Diane kept silent while continuing to hug me even tighter. "Stop, would you?" I said. My voice came out smoothly as if I wanted her to carry on. Well, I was. No lies. "No," she pouted.


    "Where were you when I needed you? You always vanish when I need help," I said, with a tone that could express my loneliness along with the affection I had for her, and the emotion I was feeling inside my chest momentarily.


    "Because I''m not so real," Diane said and unfolded her arms around me. She let go of me.


    "Joe!" I heard Uncle Danny screaming out my name at the top of his lungs.


    I got up and saw Diane was gone.


    "Crap! She hates people," I murmured.

 (2) A Weird Kid In a Cruel World

    Uncle Danny grabbed my collar and pulled me up from the ground. I was so startled that I didn¡¯t notice his punch coming right towards my face. As his fist hit my face hard, I fell to the ground with a thud. A grunt escaped my mouth from the pain that shot up from my spine to my brain. As my eyes became kind of blurry, I saw his lips moving rapidly, but my brain couldn¡¯t register a single word he spoke.


    And then I focused harder. ¡°What are you doing here after school, instead of going home?¡± he spat, a few drops of his spit hitting my face. I made a face that probably went unnoticed. Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I looked up at his angry hazel-brown eyes.


    ¡°I-I was just spending some time on my own¡­¡± I managed to push the words out of my mouth. I couldn¡¯t even think of how abruptly Diane had disappeared just when Uncle Danny showed up. He pulled me up again by my shirt and forced me to go home with him. I looked back with my still blurry vision, seeing if I could find a trace of her. But as you might have imagined, she was not there.


    ¡°Kids are telling me that you are behaving weirdly these days?¡± His sentence came out as a question more than a statement.


    I thought for a second; ¡®When did I act normal?¡¯


    ¡°Say, who is that somebody you always talk to when nobody is around?¡± This question from my uncle almost made me want to cry. But, wait a minute. Diane always stayed when no one was around. And that was the time I got to talk to her. So, how come someone noticed that I was talking to no one? Diane was there, so how can someone say that I was talking to...no one? If they actually saw me talking? I mean...ugh, you get me, don¡¯t you?


    Like, I didn¡¯t understand why people couldn¡¯t see Diane while she is so perfectly existing? She has a perfectly round face with a cute small nose and pink lips. Her eyes are complete blue oceans where I always find myself drowning deep.


    It¡¯s so hard to ignore her blonde curls when she is near you, I always feel like playing with them with my fingers.


    How could anybody not notice such a perfect human being like her? Why is she so invisible to everyone?


    ¡°I have asked you a question, Joe,¡± Uncle Danny blurted. I saw flames igniting in his eyes just like I saw fire in Mr. Anderson¡¯s, earlier in math class.


    ¡°I... um¡­¡± I trailed off, not knowing what to say next. ¡°You know what, Joe, you are crazy as shit!¡± Danny offered as if I didn¡¯t know it already.


    I licked my dry lips.


    <hr>


    I felt an unbearable pain at the back of my head after waking up. I didn¡¯t remember anything that happened between me and Uncle Danny by the water. Not that I usually do. Danny beat me up almost every day in his drunken state. Though I hadn¡¯t touched a drop of his beer, I felt I was drunk with him as well, and going through a hangover.


    I looked down at my hands, which were bloody red and numb. Danny was always lonely. Since I was the same way as he was, I could sense his pain. He lost his brother, his sister-in-law, and later his wife as well. I had lost my parents. On the other hand, he had two sons, including me, to take care of (though he never considered me as one). And I was completely lonely. I was living under the same roof as my bullies; my cousin and his father (who may have fed me but had destroyed me physically and mentally).


    I was the only way that Danny could release all his anger and frustration that he had on God. Whenever Uncle Danny beat me, he would leave me with a signature mark on my right cheek, and this time was no exception. I went in front of the mirror and stood before my reflection. I touched my face and felt the red cheek where Uncle Danny had most probably hit me with all his power.


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    The area where Danny slapped me gave me a burning feeling. I wept, ¡°Crap! Nobody loves me! Nobody!¡± Though you may find it kind of childish, that is the way I felt. And it was so real. I always feel like a loser while crying before a mirror. It¡¯s like your own reflection is ridiculing you. But I couldn¡¯t help it. Sometimes all I need is just to cry and cry. And after that, all my pain fades away in a matter of seconds.


    Just like magic.


    Just like Diane.


    ¡°Hi, handsome! And¡­ a crying baby,¡± out of the blue, appeared the mystery girl, giggling sheepishly. And here she was, calling me a baby while she was the only kiddo here. Diane always avoided any human connection other than me. She was like an introvert. Or maybe she was an introvert who did not like to show up much in front of other people.


    It is also very strange how she changes her outfits so frequently. Like, earlier that day, I had seen her in a white dress, but after a while, she was wearing a black one. Maybe she was trying to impress me.


    How difficult is it to understand her motives?


    I didn¡¯t understand why she appeared and disappeared so fast that it was enough to cause you a heart attack.


    She waved a hand in front of my face and I realized that my jaw was on the floor.


    I closed my mouth and she burst out laughing.


    I feigned an annoyed expression. To be honest, her laugh was hilarious, but I tried to look annoyed.


    ¡°What is it with you, my Joe? Why do you always act like a mouse?¡±


    A mouse? Nonsense.


    ¡°Oh, how I love the look in your beautiful emerald-green eyes!¡± Diane teased, after a laugh that almost seemed like a thousand years long.


    I huffed and rolled my eyes.


    She was on the floor now, crawling in a burst of hard laughter that most probably could be heard from a million yards from my room. And there she went, tossing herself up on my bed and lying down, taking me along with her.


    I fell on my back and eventually found myself lying next to her. Her laughter faded away and a shadow of something strong cast across her face.


    It was affection. The urge to be with me. To stay inside my arms.


    I wrapped my arms around her and she closed her big blue eyes, allowing me to kiss her. I held her chin within my fingers and casually pressed my lips against her forehead. My hands reached her beautiful, long hair and I gradually let my fingers trace her beautiful curls.


    Her heavy breath brushed against my neck as she pressed her body against mine, completely closing the remaining space between us. The heat emitted from her body entirely engulfed me in a familiar sensation. That was a sensation I feel shy discussing with you. Something very sexual.


    She touched my face. I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of her soft hand. And then she touched the area where Uncle Danny had slapped me. I took a deep breath.


    ¡°It¡¯s not only a scar, Joe; it¡¯s a lesson that will take you very far,¡± she whispered.


    I didn¡¯t know how far a scar could lead me and I didn¡¯t know what lesson I had earned from that, but I knew her words were true.


    I believed in her anyway. I believed in her more than I trusted God.


    I let out a sigh. A knock on my door jolted me, and I found Diane was gone.


    Just like that, an emptiness filled me once again, and I struggled to keep myself steady.


    The knock resounded and I went to answer the door. Just as I opened it, a punch was thrown at my already tortured face and I fell on the hard ground. Again. Danny was drunk and it was the best time for him to beat me up.


    I struggled to keep myself away from this man. I tried to stand up, but my legs gave in.


    ¡°You think you can live without facing me, huh? You little brat! You have ruined my life!¡± He gulped a sip from the bottle in his hand and kicked me hard in the stomach.


    I clutched my stomach and grunted in pain that felt everlasting. The pain was so familiar, but it could not get any worse. I swear to God, I was thinking of death at the moment. I prayed silently to Uncle Danny and Almighty, to take my life away. Far away from this cruel world. Somewhere Diane would never disappear.


    He kicked me again, letting out curse words.


    I tried to call out her name but felt myself choking on something. A warm liquid filled my throat and I coughed up blood.


    Danny pulled me up and threw me into a wall.


    BANG!


    Within a few seconds, my world shut down again.

 (3) A New Friend?

    When I opened my eyes, I found the sun streaming through the grassy field at the back of our house. As I became aware of my body, I found myself sitting on top of a car tire with my back resting against the broken wall of the garage where my uncle kept his car. My hands were tied with a heavy, thick rope. As I tried to untie it, I realized that my hands had become utterly numb because of the woolen string that was cutting off the blood flow.


    I fought to loosen the ropes, but eventually, I found myself losing my cool.


    ¡°Uncle Danny!¡± I called out, knowing that no answer was waiting for me. My head felt heavy, and a wave of nausea hit me. What happened last night was a mystery. All I could remember was a flying punch to my nose that had shaken up my inner system. And I guess that was the last thing that happened to me before I lost consciousness.


    ¡°Uncle Danny!¡± I shouted again, ¡°Please let me free, please!¡± My throat felt dry. I didn¡¯t know what Danny and his son were up to inside the house that they couldn¡¯t hear me. Or maybe they could, but they didn¡¯t give a damn.


    The torture I went through every day flashed in front of my eyes, and I wondered how my life would be if my parents were alive. All the emotions gathered inside my stomach, ready to burst out as tears. Just then, I heard footsteps approaching me. I tried to look over my shoulder.


    ¡°Hey, kid, what are you doing out there?¡± a young brunet who couldn¡¯t have been more than 18 asked. His eyes were a deep ocean blue.


    Speaking of the ocean, Diane appeared in my mind, and I wept hard, harder than I had ever done in front of anyone. I didn¡¯t expect myself to wail like this because it wasn¡¯t my intention in the first place. But it drew his attention enough to bring him in front of me and look at me like he was my big brother.


    ¡°Hey,¡± the brunet knelt down and ruffled my hair with his porcelain hand.


    ¡°Stop crying. Who tied you up? Did you fail your test or somethin¡¯?¡± the boy chuckled as if it was fun to see someone like this.


    ¡°No,¡± I sighed. ¡°I don¡¯t know what I did.¡± I wanted to tell him that I did nothing¡ªit was just my misfortune to get beaten up like that. But I wasn¡¯t the type who let out family matters to a stranger. If I did, maybe my life would have been different.


    He untied me and helped me up. As I stood, the earth underneath me seemed to shake.


    ¡°Hey, is it an earthquake or something?¡± I asked, panicked. ¡°No, duh! Maybe you haven¡¯t eaten anything for a while. That¡¯s why you¡¯re feeling weak,¡± he replied.


    My eyes were drawn to his outfit¡ªa white t-shirt under a dark red checkered shirt, and a pair of blue ripped jeans. I liked his white sneakers; they were so smart and stylish, but plain, nonetheless. I was so attracted to his style that I forgot I was crying like a little mouse a moment ago. My curious gaze might have made him uncomfortable, as I saw him looking down at me. I averted my eyes to the big sugar maple tree on our right side. I was perfectly aware of the slight pink flush on my cheeks because they were burning. The dry fallen leaves and the green ones on the trees were dancing in the wind as if mocking my mental crisis.


    ¡°You liked my shoes, huh?¡± he smirked, so confident in himself. ¡°Hey, check out my watch,¡± he said, showing me the black watch on his wrist. It looked awesome. I wished I had a watch like that.


    ¡°Cool, huh?¡± he asked.


    I moistened my lips. I had always wanted this kind of cool stuff all my life, but there was no one to ask for it. Just like other teenagers my age, I had dreams too. But unlike them, I didn¡¯t have parents. I felt like a twelve-year-old who was so materialistic that he didn¡¯t realize the reality in front of him. No wonder people treated me like trash.


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    I sighed.


    ¡°You know what? I can give you the watch, but for that, you have to do me a favor,¡± the boy winked. As he did so, the dimple on his right cheek became visible.


    I didn¡¯t want to do anything to get that watch, but I still wanted to hear his deal.


    ¡°What favor?¡± I inquired.


    ¡°Listen to me, and listen to me good. There¡¯s a girl in my class, and I¡¯ve been seeing her for a few weeks now. She¡¯s new in our school. All you have to do is convince her to go out with me. You can do that, right?¡± the brunet winked again, and this time it was twice. I was beginning to wonder if he had a serious issue with his right eye.


    I was unsure how to convince a girl to go out with someone else, especially since I couldn¡¯t even convince her to go out with me. But I supposed the girl he was talking about must be older than me, so I hoped he wasn¡¯t thinking we had a chance.


    No, why would I even think about that? It was apparent that he wanted me to convince his crush to date him. But why did he choose me for the job?


    Talking about girls, Diane¡¯s face flashed in my mind, ¡°IT IS SO WRONG TO THINK ABOUT OTHER GIRLS WHEN YOU ARE ALREADY WITH SOMEONE!¡± the inner me shouted.


    ¡°Hey, big man, to earth!¡± he joked with a huge grin.


    ¡°Umm¡­ hi¡­ I don¡¯t think I can do it,¡± I admitted, and his face faltered. I could see he had been holding up so much expectation for me to do that. But why did he choose me? I wasn¡¯t a kid, was I? It wasn¡¯t like girls would go all crazy on seeing me, just like they do when they find a basket full of puppies.


    I sighed. Of all the boys, he found me to do that? Didn¡¯t he have friends, or was he also a lonely freak like me? I frowned.


    ¡°Are you sure?¡± he wiggled his eyebrows.


    I thought for a second before replying, ¡°Okay, I can try, but you have to promise me that we¡¯ll keep each other¡¯s company.¡± I made a quick but reasonable response. It was a slim chance to finally make a friend. And I just didn¡¯t want it to slip away. I guess I was a little bit smart, after all.


    ¡°Oh, that¡¯s very sweet of you! Sure, we will keep each other¡¯s company¡­ in advance!¡± he stated.


    And oh, this boy was really¡­ something.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name, cherry?¡± he asked.


    Of course, he had to come up with some sweet, romantic name! This guy definitely had the caliber to pick up girls, so why was he asking me? Or was he gay? Wait, how did he know that I was a virgin?


    ¡°Hey, are you on earth?¡± he frowned.


    ¡°Oh, yeah!¡± I jumped.


    ¡°So, what¡¯s your name?¡± he asked, skeptically eyeing me.


    ¡°Joe Watson. What¡¯s yours?¡± I asked, returning the same gesture.


    ¡°Justin¡­ Justin Perry,¡± he cracked a huge grin for the second time as if his name was something that made him proud. Oh, it sure would! After all, he wasn¡¯t a loser like me.


    ¡°Oh, so you¡¯ve been seeing that lady since when?¡± I asked, quite hesitantly, but also confidently.


    The breeze swept across the grassy ground, and the sun poured down with all its power. We were trying to manage through the sound of chirping birds and the rustling of the leaves from the sugar maple trees around us.


    ¡°I¡¯ve been seeing her since she joined our school,¡± he said, and a hint of a pink blush appeared on his cheeks.


    Oh!


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you go and ask her yourself?¡± I asked, wondering why he wouldn¡¯t do that. It wasn¡¯t like the girl would reject him. I mean, he was cool, and no one would want to turn him down.


    ¡°Because I hesitate. I get nervous around her,¡± Justin blushed again, this time like a ripe tomato. I could relate, since this was the same way I felt around Diane. She made me feel something... something not yet known to human emotions.


    ¡°So, you want me to tell her, but why do you think she would believe me? And if she does, wouldn¡¯t you hesitate to take her out?¡± I finished the question with more hesitation than I had ever felt, but something about Justin made me believe that we could really make a good pair of friends.


    ¡°You know what, you will go along with me,¡± he winked again for the fourth time.


    ¡°I can¡¯t go with you!¡± I jumped.


    It was so awkward! He was going to date a girl, and he expected me to come along? I mean, come on! Why would I do so much for a wristwatch?


    ¡°Then, crap! Forget about the watch, I can¡¯t even be your friend,¡± Justin stated matter-of-factly. He turned his back on me and started to leave.


    It wasn¡¯t hard for me to live without a friend, but then, Justin was so close to becoming one.


    ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll help you through it, but you owe me a lifetime of friendship,¡± I agreed. Justin¡¯s handsome, boyish face turned towards me and broke into a grin so huge, that I feared his mouth would probably rip into two pieces.


    ¡°That¡¯s it!¡± Justin folded me into a huge, breathtaking hug, and when he finally released me, I saw a shadow of nervousness creep onto his face.


    ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± I asked, worried.


    ¡°Do you know Diane?¡±

 (4) Who Is Diane?

    I was walking through the crowd of students, making my way to Justin. He was wearing a baseball cap and a white t-shirt, paired with black trousers. He was talking with a group of girls who were probably his age. I hoped the girl he was talking about yesterday was in this group.


    ¡°Justin!¡± I waved a hand to catch his attention. He excused himself from the group of girls and walked towards me. With his hands in his pockets, he looked extremely attractive.


    ¡°Hey, buddy!¡± He waved back with more enthusiasm. ¡°Your English class is starting soon. Wanna skip it, or should we talk at lunch break?¡± Justin asked a little louder, while reaching towards me.


    ¡°I... I actually can¡¯t face Mr. Anderson today. He¡¯s mad at me.¡±


    ¡°What happened?¡±


    ¡°He actually...¡± I trailed off, not wanting to open up this much to him. Who knows, maybe he would walk out of my life just like everybody else had? ¡°Actually, there is a parent meeting in my class today, and I haven¡¯t yet told Uncle Danny. So, I¡¯m not allowed to attend Mr. Anderson¡¯s class,¡± I lied.


    ¡°It¡¯s okay. He¡¯s a jerk.¡±


    ¡°He what?¡±


    ¡°A jerk. I will find a way for you to destroy his pride. But before that, let¡¯s go to Diane.¡±


    Hearing her name from his mouth made my heart ache. I don¡¯t know why, but I was a little jealous. All these negative thoughts were in my head. I was hoping the girl I liked wasn¡¯t the one he was talking about. There was no particular reason to think like that, but a negative mind can make up things like that and overthink it.


    ¡°Are you okay, Joe?¡±


    I looked up. A concerned look was on his face as if I was crying or something. Or perhaps, I was crying?


    I wiped a tear from my left cheek and smiled awkwardly. ¡°Oh, yeah! I am absolutely okay! It¡¯s just...¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s just, something came up,¡± Justin supplied.


    ¡°Yes, I guess so.¡±


    ¡°Listen, I have something really important to talk about. Can we escape from here for at least an hour or two? We will come back again when your next class starts,¡± Justin suggested, and I think he was thinking straight. Maybe he just read my mind and knew what I was thinking.


    ¡°Okay, no problem.¡±


    ¡°Cool.¡±


    <hr>


    We were sitting by the bank of the Yukon River, the one behind our school, hearing and feeling the soft sound of the breeze. Justin seemed lost in his own thoughts but jumped back to reality after hearing a long sigh that escaped my mouth. He shifted uncomfortably and looked at me with a concerned expression.


    ¡°Do you like someone, Joe?¡± Justin blurted out.


    I didn¡¯t know how to reply to that question. He wore a concerned expression on his face, and his left brow shot up when I didn¡¯t answer.


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    ¡°Do you see anyone, Joe?¡± he rephrased.


    ¡°Why do you ask?¡± I hesitated.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. But there is something that tells me you are deeply in love.¡±


    I remained silent. I didn¡¯t know what he saw that could relate to my love life. But nevertheless, he stated that I was in love. Well, maybe I was. And still am.


    ¡°I see a hint of pain in your eyes whenever I talk about Diane. Do you know her somehow? I¡¯m asking this because she is your age. Do you know Diane Jones? She goes to Almond High and is a sophomore.¡±


    It was a huge confusion because the girl I see¡ªI didn¡¯t know anything about her. I didn¡¯t know where she was from, what her last name was, where she studied, nothing. I just knew that she had a pair of nice blue eyes and a head full of beautiful curly hair. Diane always hated chit-chat. That¡¯s why she never told me anything about her. Every time she appeared, it was just to show me her childish grin and to give me one of her huge, breathtaking hugs. I never got to share my personal sorrows with her. But she was the only one who could understand me even when I refused to say a word. Whenever Diane came, she never spent more than five minutes with me. And those five minutes passed too quickly when I looked her in the eyes.


    Justin gave me one of his blank expressions.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know who you¡¯re talking about,¡± I declared. For another moment, Justin got lost in his thoughts. Coming back to reality, he gently asked,


    ¡°Why don¡¯t you tell me about your parents? Why do you live with your uncle?¡±


    ¡°Does that have anything to do with you and Diane¡¯s relationship?¡±


    ¡°We are not in a relationship. I like her but haven¡¯t mustered up the courage to ask her out.¡±


    ¡°I think you should.¡±


    ¡°I know. But I am afraid she will turn me down.¡±


    ¡°Why would she turn you down? You¡¯re cool.¡± I forced a smile to wipe the disappointment from his face. But he remained calm. He was still worrying about something I couldn¡¯t figure out.


    ¡°Because she is so beautiful.¡±


    The smile vanished from my face the moment he uttered the word. ¡°Beautiful¡± was my favorite word to describe Diane. I didn¡¯t notice anyone looking directly at her. People didn¡¯t usually notice her. But maybe this boy was an exception.


    ¡°Then why don¡¯t you go and tell her that she is beautiful? That you want to be with her?¡±


    ¡°Can we go to her right now? It¡¯s 4:30, and I guess her math class is over. She might be on her way home right now.¡± I don¡¯t know why I felt a lump rising in my throat. An unusual feeling settled in my stomach, and I told myself not to overreact. I stood up to leave.


    ¡°Sorry, Justin. I can¡¯t go today. Maybe you need to try this by yourself. I don¡¯t want to meet that girl you are seeing.¡±


    <hr>


    I creaked open the door and entered my room. Shutting the door quietly behind me, I switched on the lights. I heard a few rats go under my bed with a squeaking sound. I used to live with these rats, but they never harmed my stuff or anything. I threw my backpack onto the floor and looked deeply at the painting I had made a few days back. I had never imagined that looking at her would hurt me as much as it did this time. There was something that was pissing me off, and I didn¡¯t actually know what it was. Maybe it was the fear of losing Diane again. But whatever it was, I was desperately looking to escape from it.


    I threw myself on the bed and tried to close my eyes. I wanted to sleep, but the image of Justin and Diane together was eating me alive. I never knew how it would feel to lose someone¡ªa very close one¡ªbecause I had never been so close to anyone before, close enough for me to be afraid of losing them. Diane was the only person in my entire life. She was my first love. I loved her, but I had never confessed. I did not know that until now. I thought she was just someone I liked, someone who understood me. But just after I observed the feeling in Justin¡¯s eyes, I realized he was feeling the same way I felt about Diane.


    Now I was getting frustrated. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and call her name. But I restrained myself from doing so. Seeing her would only make it worse for me to deal with it. I inhaled and exhaled heavily. It was one of the worst feelings I had ever felt. Justin was gradually becoming my best friend. And on the other hand, Diane was my favorite person. Justin did not know that I liked Diane, and he was in love with my girl. There was only one choice I could make out of two: Either I could forget Diane, the only person I have had the best times of my life with, or I could forget Justin, the only boy who never bullied me.


    I closed my eyes, and the door of my closet flew open.

 (5) A Wave of Relief

    <hr>


    ¡°Guess what? He is so cute!¡± a teenage girl squealed while I was heading to school the next morning. I thought for a second that the girl was referring to me, so I turned to look at her face. But, of course, she was talking about someone else to the girl next to her.


    I was afraid of attending Mr. Anderson¡¯s class without Uncle Danny, but how long could I avoid school? ¡°Joe!¡±


    I turned once again to find Justin running towards me. I looked at him as he stopped, trying to catch his breath. I was feeling a little awkward about what I had said the last time we met. I hesitated¡ª


    ¡°Hey, Justin.¡±


    ¡°You left yesterday. It was... awkward and sudden.¡± ¡°Yeah, sorry about that.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be. I¡¯ve already told her. And we¡¯re dating.¡± Justin¡¯s face broke into an amused grin. I wished he was lying, but he wasn¡¯t. He told me the truth to make sure that the burden he had dropped on my shoulders the other day was lifted, and I was free like before.


    ¡°Well, good for you,¡± was all I could manage. I began to move toward our school, just wanting to get rid of the sudden pain I was feeling in my ribcage. Even though there wasn¡¯t any certainty that his Diane was my Diane, I still felt bad and overwhelmed with emotions. I wished I could shake off the weight of the world from my shoulders, but I simply couldn¡¯t ignore the harsh reality. It was something that could break you and satisfy you at the same time. It could break you because you were losing the love of your life, and satisfy you because your best friend had found the love of his life. But Diane was all that I had. How could I let slip someone who was the purpose of my life? I never wanted to do that. But Justin demanded it. He knew that I was hurt, but I didn¡¯t care¡ªI just needed some space. I wanted to stay away from Justin, and I wanted to stay away from Uncle Danny. I wanted to stay away from Diane, and the world.


    I was on the verge of uncontrollable tears when Justin stopped me in my tracks.


    ¡°You know her, don¡¯t you? Then why didn¡¯t you tell me that before? I asked you if you knew her or anything, but you didn¡¯t show an interest. Why do I have a feeling that you like her? Let me take you to her and you can confess your feelings. Don¡¯t say no this time. You are more important to me than a girl!¡± Justin swallowed a couple of times before starting again.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go to her, Joe. I don¡¯t want to see you like this. I know I¡¯ve hurt you. Please let me make it up to you. I don¡¯t want to feel guilty about all of this, you know. No girl is more important than a brother.¡±


    Justin constantly calling me his brother and an ¡°important thing¡± made my heart melt more than anything else ever had before. I was finally feeling good about being someone¡¯s brother and an ¡°important thing,¡± even if it was just a figure of speech. But sometimes, certain words feel too good to hear, especially when you¡¯re hearing them from the person you feel the same way about. But how could I control myself when I was losing the best person in my life? Was it possible to stay calm right in front of the person who had a crush on your girlfriend? Yes, Diane was my girlfriend. And if she wasn¡¯t already, I was ready to make her my girl. And then there was this guy who was absolutely as cute as Justin Bieber.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think that would be a good idea. Diane¡­¡± Her name felt heavy on my tongue, but I went on. ¡°Diane maybe likes you already, and if I go to her now to tell her what I feel about her, that would be a great turn-off. Please, don¡¯t make me do this. I just need some time, and I¡¯ll finally get over this,¡± I finished with an overwhelming desire to feel Diane in my arms. However, I remembered that this would never happen again.


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    ¡°You don¡¯t get it, do you? Let¡¯s go,¡± Justin said, dragging me by my arm as we headed toward the front gate of our cafeteria. ¡°Where are we going?¡± I asked stupidly.


    ¡°To Diane.¡±


    Just as we stepped inside the cafeteria, we watched as the students gathered together, having a good laugh with their friends, drinking coffee, and eating. Justin pointed his finger toward a group of girls standing near the cash counter. I frowned. There was no one there who even remotely looked like Diane. Then what was I thinking about?


    ¡°There. Let¡¯s go to her and talk personally,¡± Justin said, and I shook my head.


    ¡°No. There is no trace of her.¡±


    ¡°Are you blind? There she is, wearing a blue denim jacket with loose hair.¡± He pointed toward a girl who looked like an Aussie. Her hair was deep brown, and her skin was the color of olive. When she turned toward us to wave at Justin and smile at me, I couldn¡¯t help but smile back. There was no doubt the girl was attractive. Her brown eyes were affectionate enough to make you want to fall in love with her. She wore a white floral dress and a denim jacket. I looked at her feet¡ªshe was wearing a pair of sneakers as white as her dress.


    Even though the girl was lovely, there was nothing in her that I could relate to Diane. So, I let out a relieved sigh. I was finally happy to feel alive again.


    ¡°See? Let¡¯s go to her and talk this out. Do it before it gets too late,¡± Justin advised like a big brother. I wondered if somehow, we had a connection. The way I felt so close to him, I had never felt the same way with anyone else before. Well, I hadn¡¯t been friends with anyone else before.


    ¡°Leave it. She is not who I thought she was,¡± I spluttered. ¡°Meaning what, exactly?¡± Justin looked as bewildered as I was to let my thoughts go out of my mouth. I regretted thinking out loud at that very instant. In order to put the conversation aside, I decided to settle for a ¡°Nothing. Leave it.¡± ¡°No, you have to tell me. Isn¡¯t she the girl you were upset about?¡±


    ¡°No. She is not here.¡±


    ¡°Gee, you saved me!¡± Justin exclaimed and exaggerated a long, sharp breath. ¡°I thought you were thinking about this girl, and I was having a bad time thinking that I was dating your lover.¡± Justin shook his head in a manner that told me he thought I was some kind of fool.


    No wonder I was.


    <hr>


    ¡°You are not paying attention to your studies,¡± Justin stated while kicking a rock with his leg. We were going toward the Yukun River to have a good chat, but then he decided to bring up the subject of school to completely ruin my mood.


    ¡°I already told you. Mr. Anderson wants to meet my uncle before seeing me inside the classroom.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s why you are missing your classes? Oh, damn, don¡¯t be a dummy!¡±


    ¡°What should I do then?¡±


    ¡°Let¡¯s go to school. I¡¯ll show you what to do.¡±


    ¡°But¡ª¡±


    Justin had already headed toward our school.


    <hr>


    The next moment, before I could even realize what was going on, Justin just kicked me inside my classroom. Thank the Lord, I was at the back door of our class, and Mr. Anderson was busy writing something on the board. I nearly tripped on my feet and was about to fall; just then, Justin gripped my hand and made me sit down at a desk.


    ¡°What are you doing? If he sees us like this¡­¡± I whispered, and Justin shushed me, raising his hand.


    ¡°Calm down, he is not going to find us,¡± Justin assured me. To my surprise, Justin was really in my classroom, sitting just beside me. I didn¡¯t know exactly what he was thinking, but one thing was certain: he was not in the mood to go back to his own studies.


    ¡°But I cannot mark my attendance like this,¡± I protested. ¡°Shut up! Focus on the board.¡±


    Justin had no concern about our present situation. What if Mr. Anderson found us like this? What if anyone inside the classroom saw us like this and went straight to complain to Mr. Anderson?


    I let it all sink in and focused my mind on the whiteboard at the other end of the classroom.


    When the bell rang, Mr. Anderson thankfully dismissed us. I turned to Justin, ¡°Well, thanks. But not every day will be like this. I need to tell this to my uncle as soon as possible.¡± ¡°Sure. I just bought you some time. Good luck.¡± I spent the rest of the day happily, except for the fact that Uncle Danny did not return home that night, and I slept with an empty stomach.

 (6) The Calm Before the Storm

    Uncle Danny was unbelievably calm the next morning. I couldn¡¯t quite figure out the reason for his silence. He seemed like he had lost himself in his dream last night, just like I do sometimes.


    I nervously coughed and sat down in a chair. He slid me a plate with two chicken sandwiches, some potato chips, and some ketchup. I ate in silence, not daring to speak a word. But his silence was awkwardly uncomfortable, and I choked on my food.


    ¡°Be careful, child. Here, drink some water,¡± Uncle Danny handed me a glass full of water, and I drank it calmly, bewildered by the sudden change in his personality. I kept drinking until I emptied the glass. I put it down on the table and continued with my food.


    ¡°Do you want more chips? I have some stored for you in the kitchen,¡± he asked amicably, completely surprising me.


    ¡°Wha-what?¡± I asked, to be sure.


    ¡°If you want some more chips, I can bring them for you from the kitchen,¡± he said matter-of-factly.


    I was really shocked by his good-natured behavior but was also trying to figure out if it was real. I mean, I had never seen him behave this way, especially not with me. He was the kind of guy who beat me almost every night in his drunken state and then acted as if nothing had happened the following morning. His usual behavior was not like this. He always bossed me around, forced me to do his household chores, and treated me like I wasn''t his family. He wasn¡¯t the kind of guy who would make tasty chicken sandwiches for me and ask if I needed more chips. Only he knew what was going on in his mind, making him act so strangely.


    ¡°No, Uncle. Thanks. I¡¯m...fine,¡± I said, trying to hide the utter bewilderment in my voice. Then, a good idea popped up. ¡°Umm¡­Uncle, can I have a word with you? About something important?¡± I said hesitantly.


    ¡°Sure, child. Always.¡±


    ¡°Mr. Anderson wants to see you.¡±


    I saw an abrupt change in his expression after hearing what I said, but he masked it completely. Then I realized that his sudden change of mood must have had something to do with where and how he spent last night. Maybe he had sex. I heard some guys in school saying that sex can change your mood. If you''re grumpy and sad, it can brighten your day. But who would want to have sex with a grumpy man, anyway?


    ¡°For what reason, dear?¡± he asked, trying to stay calm as much as possible, but he couldn¡¯t fool me.


    Well, I was not a smart kid, but Danny¡¯s behavior completely shocked me at first, and then seeing him return to his normal self and trying to hide it from me made him look suspicious. But I couldn¡¯t show it on my face.


    ¡°He wants to talk to you about my studies,¡± I admitted.


    ¡°Are you not doing well in your math class, Joe?¡± he glared at me. Though he tried to keep his suddenly changed behavior on track, for a fraction of a second, I saw him scowling at me.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    ¡°I-I made a small mistake¡­and¡­¡±


    ¡°And he announced a guardian call,¡± he supplied.


    ¡°Uh, yeah, I think so,¡± I nodded.


    ¡°Okay, no problem. I¡¯ll go and talk to him.¡± With that, Uncle left the table, leaving a completely puzzled me alone in the corridor.


    I quickly checked the clock.


    9:30 a.m. It was time to get ready for school.


    <hr>


    Uncle Danny was sitting with Mr. Anderson in his office. He called me in, and I took a seat beside my uncle.


    ¡°Your nephew is not paying attention to his studies. I have never seen him being attentive in my math class. What would you say about this, Mr. Watson?¡± Mr. Anderson asked my uncle with his gentle yet firm voice. I was worried about what Danny was thinking right now, and though I couldn¡¯t hear it, I knew it was something dangerous. But I remained silent.


    ¡°Well, I have never seen him paying attention to anything. So, it¡¯s your business to change him. You are the teacher, not me,¡± Uncle stated with a blank expression on his face.


    Maybe he was right. What I wanted to pay attention to was completely my choice and no one else¡¯s business. Yet, his answer was perfectly absurd, especially since he was my guardian who was supposed to guide me on the right path. And since studying is everything to a high schooler, it was supposed to be his choice to make me enthusiastic about it.


    ¡°Well, Mr. Watson, I thought you were his guardian?¡± Mr. Anderson asked with the same expression on his face as Danny¡¯s.


    ¡°Not really. What he does is none of my business. I only take care of him because I¡¯m obligated to,¡± Uncle Danny stated matter-of-factly.


    Did I hear it right?


    He is obligated to take care of me?


    I guess it was kind of true. Actually, a whole lot of truth, but I didn¡¯t want it that way. I didn¡¯t want to be part of someone¡¯s obligation.


    I remained still, but inside my mind, a violent storm was forming. Rage, tears of emotion, and solitude were all building up inside my head. But all I could do was not show it through my expression. It¡¯s called self-control. I couldn¡¯t have learned it so well if I weren¡¯t living with Danny Watson.


    Mr. Anderson glanced at me, then at Uncle Danny. Then he said, ¡°Okay, you may leave, Mr. Watson. And thank you so much for your time.¡± He smiled professionally at Danny.


    ¡°No problem, Mr. Anderson. Have a great day ahead.¡± I stood to leave too. But Mr. Anderson stopped me in my tracks.


    ¡°Not you, Joe. Take a seat. We need to talk,¡± he motioned to the chair in front of me.


    I said nothing in return but reluctantly obeyed his order. I sat down face-to-face with Mr. Anderson. He gave me one of his fake professional smiles.


    For a moment, I forgot what I was feeling seconds earlier. Then that feeling came back again. All I could feel was the burning sensation in my heart, a sudden rage of anger, and a hollow feeling of being abandoned.


    I balled my fists and gritted my teeth hard. I wanted time to stop. I wanted to cry out loud with no one around me. For a split second, I wanted to lie down in my mother¡¯s lap. I have felt so many feelings in my entire life, but this one was overwhelming. I knew I had no parents and no siblings, but truth be told, I somehow had believed that Uncle Danny was my family¡ªthe only blood relation that I had, that I knew. The only person who never left me, even though he tortured me a lot.


    Suddenly, I felt betrayed. I felt vulnerable. And to top it off, I felt completely hopeless.


    ¡°It¡¯s your duty to take care of your studies, Joe. Yes, I am your teacher. I need to pay attention to your studies since...since you have no decent guardian to rely upon. But you have to cooperate with me. Would you, child?¡± For the first time in my life, I saw a hint of emotion in Mr. Anderson¡¯s eyes. His voice somehow seemed strong, but I sensed a little bit of care in it too. This led me to believe that maybe, just maybe, true things still exist on earth.


    But I was so shocked by my current situation that I feared if I opened my mouth, only sobs would come out. So, I nodded my head instead.


    Mr. Anderson nodded too and offered me his warm smile. Then he told me to go to my classroom and that he would be there in a few minutes.


    I did as I was told. I was too numb to use my brain against it.

 (7) When the Truth Hurts (and So Do People)

    After school, I was walking alone in the street, lost in my own thoughts. Other kids were laughing and joking around, birds were chirping, car drivers blew horns, and trees were making rustling sounds with their leaves, but all of this was inaudible to me. All that I could hear were Danny''s words echoing in my head. Over and over. The same words.


    ¡°What he does is none of my business. I only take care of him because I¡¯m obligated to.¡±


    For a moment, my vision became blurry with all the tears that welled up in my eyes, and I suddenly felt like throwing up. Then, suddenly, something hit me hard on my head and I fell to my knees. My hands became cold, unresponsive to my reaction, and my blurry vision was now blinding me. I didn''t know what was going on outside, but I felt something was happening inside me. Something terrible that I could never imagine.


    I started screaming. All the anger and emotions gathered inside my head, and I wanted to cut myself to transfer the pain from my mind to my skin. Because I didn''t know what that feeling was or how to get rid of it. It was like someone had pointed out that the earth didn''t belong to me. I didn''t have anyone to look after me. Like I was just a homeless kid who was dependent on someone who had even refused to accept that he was my guardian. I wish I had been adopted or sent away to an orphanage. That would have at least hurt a little less. The feeling was horrible. I didn''t feel like I wanted to go home, because that wasn''t my home. I was just an intruder or an unwelcome guest that everyone was trying to avoid. I realized that I was actually a lonely teenager who had never met his parents. Tears blurred my vision to a level where I couldn''t figure out the faces molesting me. One of them yelled, "Hey, are you blind? Didn''t you see the ball coming?"


    Before my tongue could form any words, one of them grabbed me by my collar and I struggled to stand on my feet, which were buckling underneath me.


    "Why are you wasting our play time, kid? Can''t you just stay away from us?" the boy spat on my face, but I was so devastated that I could not say anything back. So, I stayed silent. My whole body was hanging on his grip on my collar. As soon as he''d let go, I would fall straight on the ground again, failing to protect myself.


    And then, he released his grip from my shirt, and I hit the ground hard. Like, really hard. I thought I had broken my hip bone. I felt a sudden surge of pain. But my mouth was too dry to let out any sound.


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    I wish I knew, just then, what was coming. One of those guys hit me really hard on my stomach, and I grunted. I figured they were making fun of my situation and it needed to stop. But I couldn''t think of anything that could have made them stop. Instead, I let them hurt me with random kicks until they got tired and bored. I just wanted to feel the pain in my body rather than carry it inside my head for the rest of my life. I just wanted the world to stop spinning. But everything was happening in such slow motion that my mind couldn''t react. My hands couldn''t react; they were just numb. I spat out blood and saw random kicks being thrown at me, all with my blurry vision. And for a moment, I thought I saw my mom.


    I closed my eyes and reopened them to describe the image, but it was gone, replaced by the image of four boys kicking me randomly on random areas of my body. I shut my eyes tight and heard a familiar voice screaming my name.


    "JOE!"


    I didn''t try to look up and see who it was. Because I recognized the voice already.


    Standing against four boys, wearing a red-colored hoodie, Justin glared at each of them. Though his expression was barely visible to me, I knew he was scowling at them, threatening them to leave me alone. Threatening them to back off.


    "Don''t hurt him," he said with a very powerful voice. "Who are you?" one of the boys asked, with the same kind of tone as in his voice.


    "He is my brother. You cannot hurt him."


    That''s all. That''s all he said, and the boys did nothing and left. I was so grateful that Justin saved my life. Not that I particularly wanted to live. I opened my mouth to thank him, but the words got stuck at the back of my throat, and I choked on my blood.


    I coughed hard when Justin offered me his hand to help me up. I couldn''t take a good grab of his arm because mine was too weak. Understanding my situation, he himself reached out for mine and pulled me up. His strong arms held me protectively and helped me fight against my weak legs.


    "Shit, you''re bleeding! We have to take you to the hospital," Justin''s expression was that of panic, but he somehow kept his voice under control.


    "No," I murmured.


    "What? Why? Look, you are bleeding, okay? And I have to take you to the hospital. Just shut your mouth and let me call us a cab."


    He watched out the road in search of a cab but got frustrated when he couldn''t find any. He let out a deep, exhausted sigh before giving up.


    "Okay, let''s go to your house. Hold on to my waist carefully." I wrapped my left arm around his waist, and he held me tightly with his right arm. We started to walk, I at my own weakened speed and Justin, at the same speed as mine, to keep it up with my pace. Halfway through my house, I remembered the truth of my life.


    "I don''t have a house," I murmured weakly.

 (8) A Touch of Comfort

    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    <div>


    "What?" Justin''s brows furrowed, and he gave me a blank, suspicious expression. Sure, he was shocked to hear my answer, as the last time he saw me, I was outside my uncle''s garage. He had come and untied my hands, which is how we had met and became friends. But he hadn''t given me his wristwatch.


    I didn''t answer his question because I didn''t have one. I kept quiet.


    "Hey, where do you stay then? And what were you doing at someone''s garage the other day? Why would someone tie you up like that? Answer me!" Justin blurted out so many questions at once that I became nervous. I was already anxious, and his questions made me want to cry like a baby. But I kept my mouth shut. There was no way on earth I could trust him with my family drama because we weren''t that close. Hell, no!


    "Joe, I am asking you something," he scowled. His voice was calm and dominating. For a split second, he looked more like a domineering brother than a teenage friend. I smiled.


    "Hey, are you even listening to me? Where do you stay? What were you doing down there when we first met? Tell me." His questions didn''t sound like questions; they were more like manipulative orders to tell him all the things I was going through. He made it look like I had to tell him everything, no questions asked in return.


    "Well, none of your business," I said, a little nonchalantly, but then regretted it that very instant. It came out wrong. "Okay, fine. Don''t tell me. But at least tell me who your parents are or who you live with?" Again, he came back to the same point I was trying to avoid all this time. I thought it would be better if he hospitalized me because then I wouldn''t have to answer any of these questions. But no, hospital authorities ask a lot of questions too. But I didn''t know how to save the situation in any other way without letting him know why I was the way I was. So, I finally spoke up. "My parents are dead."


    That''s all. That''s all I needed to say to keep him from asking questions. And after hearing my answer, he didn''t say a word, and I was pretty thankful to him for that.


    Justin decided not to ask anything more that day. Instead, he took me to his house and laid me down in his bed. I was so exhausted that I fell instantly, feeling every muscle in my body begin to relax, and I dozed off instantly. The next morning when I woke up, I found myself a little bit refreshed, and my whole body was surprisingly calm. I didn''t feel any pain and didn''t feel any urge to leave the bed either. I was too tired to even think about it. There were stitches on my forehead, and an aroma of some kind of balm was coming from my lips that I could taste with my mouth. Justin''s bedside table had an ice tray and some meds. Maybe they had given me painkillers to numb the pain away.


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    His windows were open, and soft sunrays barged through them. I looked into the sunlight that fell right next to the bed and discovered a familiar fragrance that I hadn''t felt in a long time. I turned.


    Lying beside me, hands on her chest, wearing that same white dress, was Diane. She looked as helpless as me (I don''t know why), but the only difference was that she looked beautiful, and I was looking devastated.


    "I am sorry, Joe," her voice broke, and her eyes welled up with tears. Though she tried to stop it, a single teardrop escaped from the corner of her eye and slipped down on the pillow underneath her head. I watched as the teardrop fell on the pillow cover and moistened the area around it.


    Then I looked back into her eyes. I saw the same declaration I had seen in my mother''s eyes when those guys were kicking me.


    "No need to say sorry," I said and wrapped her in my arms.


    We stayed there for some time, she, inside my arms, her head resting on my chest. Nothing was audible other than the sound of our soft breathing and pounding heartbeats. That was all I wanted at that moment of my life. All I wanted was Diane. My chest moved up and down, and she listened to my heartbeat like it was some sort of beautiful rhythmic music to her ears.


    I could have never known what love felt like if Diane hadn''t decided to come into my life. I was lucky enough that she never left me, or at least, unlike Danny, never faked a relationship with me. Whatever we had between us was more than everything to me. I know society troubles me a lot; they mistreat me every time I give them a chance. But amidst everything, Diane was my only soulmate. She was the only home where I was always safe.


    "I wish I could stop them from hurting you, Joe. I wish I was there to save you," she finally whispered. I had a feeling she was riding a guilt trip. She had never been broken like this. I don''t remember her ever being so sad. She was always cheerful and enthusiastic about everything. But this time, the tears in her eyes made me extremely insecure.


    "It''s not your fault. I should speak up for myself," I said, trying to sound "I''m okay" when I truly wasn''t.


    "I won''t let that happen next time, Joe. I won''t let anybody hurt you again. I''ll always be there to help you. But if I don''t come, just call me for once, and I''ll be there," she made me want to believe in her words. But I didn''t want to appear weak, not in front of Diane.


    "You don''t need to worry. I will learn how to defend myself; I promise," I tried to sound confident, and at the same time, I was insecure as hell.


    She looked up. Her long and wet eyelashes cast shadows on her face, and she looked more beautiful than ever. I licked my lips, unable to resist the urge to kiss her. So, I kissed her. A long, slow, and beautiful kiss. But our tongues didn''t meet each other. I was already out of breath, and when we pulled back to take some air, she leaned in and kissed me, this time on the forehead. We had our second lip kiss. Then third, then fourth. And then she was gone. I was left alone in Justin''s bed, which seemed kinda awkward to me and confusing at the same time.

 (9) An Eerie road and the Lone Moon

    A cold breeze swept across the lake, disheveling Justin''s hair as he spoke. I remained calm, registering every word he uttered. Every single word.


    "I know how much you''re going through. I wish I could help, but..." he trailed off, unsure how to comfort me. Frustrated, he tossed a rock into the river and ran his hands through his hair.


    I gave him a sideways glance. He was more handsome than I thought. Especially when he was worried, he looked more charming than ever.


    For a moment, I considered telling him everything about my and Diane''s relationship. But I restrained myself from doing so. I had already told him enough and didn''t want to confuse him further by discussing my love life. I was confused, too. I had no idea why Diane would appear and disappear so suddenly. I had no idea why she never showed up in front of people.


    So, I didn''t think it was right to open up so much to Justin or anyone in particular.


    "You can stay with us, you know...for the rest of your life. I''ve never had a brother of my own. So, I''d be more than happy to have one." He smiled at me expectantly. There was no way I could refuse his offer, but I was afraid to start living with him, especially when his dad was unhappy with me.


    The last night I stayed at Justin''s, his father came home and gave me an annoyed look. I had been avoiding Mr. Perry ever since.


    On the other hand, Justin''s mom was quite a lady. She was nice. She treated me like I was her son and served me delicious pasta. I would consider myself lucky if I could stay with such wonderful people, I thought. But unfortunately, it wasn''t going to happen. My own life was already a mess, and I couldn''t mess up others''.


    "What have I done?" I suddenly blurted out something I didn''t expect to say. "Why do things always happen to me? Why don''t I have a shoulder to cry on?"


    As I expressed my inner thoughts, I felt my eyes well up with tears. I realized just then how much I was holding inside. How much I needed someone who would listen to me cry.


    Justin didn''t say a word. He was waiting for me to stop lamenting. I wiped my eyes with my sleeve and calmed my nerves a bit.


    "You know what, Joe? God knows our limits. He doesn''t give us so much that we can''t bear it. Lord knows you''re strong. He knows you can get your shit together amidst all this. You just need patience. And a little bit of love, maybe."


    I knew that Justin was right. But I didn''t know how to overcome the trauma I was in. No doubt I was always depressed because I had never seen my life from a different perspective or experienced life in a different way, but I was so worried about my future. I didn''t know if I could make the most of it or not. I somehow knew that I was creative and had always dreamed of becoming a famous painter. But if my luck continued to go on like this, how could I believe that God truly exists?


    "Have you ever seen a person who never shows up in front of anyone else but you?" I asked.


    "No, that only happens when the person is dead. They call it a spirit."


    Suddenly, a chill ran down my spine. Diane couldn''t be dead. I knew she wasn''t.


    "Do spirits speak or touch things?"


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    "I don''t know. I''ve never seen a ghost."


    "Can they appear and disappear so easily?"


    "I''m not sure. But why are you asking me all of this?" I knew Diane wasn''t dead. If she were, I could have never spent my entire childhood with her, playing. If there was no sign of her in the world, she couldn''t hear my voice. Diane and I had grown up together, and if she were really a spirit, as Justin was saying, she should have told me.


    "Joe?" Justin said, startling me. I stared at his concerned face. "Are you okay?" he asked.


    "Yeah. I think I should go. It''s getting dark." I pulled myself up from the ground and slung my backpack over my shoulder. "Where are you going?" Justin asked.


    "I don''t know. Maybe I need to go to Danny''s tonight. I want to have a few words with him."


    <hr>


    Meeting with my uncle was the last thing on my mind. But I couldn''t ignore him like this, after all he had done, as he said to Mr. Anderson, "What he does is none of my business. I only take care of him because I''m obligated to." I wanted to know why he didn''t let me know this before. Why didn''t he tell me that he had nothing to do with me? I was so foolish not to know. He kept me a fool all his life. If he really had to give up on me, why did he keep me in his house in the first place? Oh, well. I was practically his servant, so... didn''t he need one anymore?


    I knocked on his door, and he appeared with a small beer can in his hand. Uncle Danny looked at me questioningly, as if asking what I was doing there. ''Of course, I''m not here to live with you,'' I answered, inwardly and outwardly. "I need to talk to you, uncle."


    I was sad and felt defeated. I knew how miserably he had let me down, yet I wanted to call him ''uncle'' because he was my uncle. I couldn''t lose the only blood relation I had.


    "What do you want to talk about?" he asked, half drunk, half serious.


    "I..." My voice cracked, and I did my best not to cry. "I want to take all my stuff, only if you would let me in." I wanted to ask him all the questions that were hovering over my mind. Also, I knew that I couldn''t get any answer because he wasn''t in his right mind right now. So, I just let that thought slip from my head.


    "Take away your things. They''ve been untouched since you left."


    I went to the room I once thought was mine and broke down into tears. It was a damp room full of sorrow and tears that I had shed in the sixteen years of my life.


    I gradually scanned the room. The lights were dim as usual, and everything was just as I had left them, including the picture of Diane. I went to her and laid my hand on the smooth paper, colorfully painted with my own hand. I closed my eyes to sense her presence near me, but failed to find any.


    I knew that this room had given me nothing but solitude and pain, but I wasn''t ready to leave the place like this. Yet, I had made the decision and was desperately in need of leaving Uncle Danny and his son on their own.


    I gathered all my stuff, along with the paintbrush and her painting, carefully took my parents'' photo, and packed my bag to leave. I heard the rats squeaking again as if trying to tell me not to go.


    I went downstairs where Uncle Danny was sitting with the beer can in his hand. He looked up at me but said nothing.


    "I''m leaving, uncle. And I... I want you to take care of yourself."


    As weak as my voice was, so were my legs. I felt exhausted once again, and this time it wasn''t by any kind of physical pain, but the emotional torture that I had gone through so far. I felt all the mental pain that I had gone through my entire life, striking up on me all at once. And I was searching for comfort again.


    I knew he was not going to ask me where I was going, but I really wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to tell me that he loved me. I wanted him to say that he lied in front of Mr. Anderson.


    "Joe."


    I turned and saw Jack, my 18-year-old cousin standing before me. In his hand was a baseball bat, and he wore the same sweatshirt he had stolen from me last winter.


    I smiled at him, completely aware that he would like to see me leave.


    "Where are you going?" he asked.


    "I''m leaving. You guys take care of yourselves. And..." I looked at my uncle who seemed to pass out due to the heavy consumption of alcohol, "and take care of your dad as well."


    "Where are you going to stay?" Now he has started asking me questions like usual, I thought. Jack, being older than me, always used to boss me around just like his father and sometimes even bullied me, too, when I was alone and he was with his friends. But I didn''t answer his question this time. Saying, ''God will help me someday and give me a peaceful life,'' I left that house that night.


    Leaving my childhood behind, I walked through the eerie road with the moon accompanying me, not exactly knowing where I was heading.

 (10) A Guardian Angel

    I walked down the road with no idea where I was going. I could walk as far as my legs would take me. I knew there was nothing in the world that I could lose more. Nothing remained, indeed. Still, there was a strange feeling that made me believe I could start over and begin a new, different life.


    I walked past Justin''s house, praying he wouldn''t see me. I walked down the silent street with no sign of a living creature. The black willow and balsam poplar trees rustled their leaves. The night was dark and quiet, and the cold wind swept away all the dust from the road.


    I looked up. Millions of stars accompanied my journey, and among them, I imagined my mom and dad were the brightest ones. I had never held their hands, but I wished I were lucky enough to do so. When I was young, I grew up watching other kids go to school, holding the hands of their fathers. They laughed, they enjoyed life, but I never did. My only company was my bully, Jack. Now, I don''t want to trouble you by bringing up his name again.


    Soon, I felt my legs getting tired. Also, my backpack felt a little heavier and slowed down my journey to nowhere. I sat down on a broken rock and unshouldered my backpack. At the far end, I saw streetlights dimming across the foggy air and a dark, tall figure sauntering towards me. When the outline of the man came into my clear vision, I stood up.


    It was Mr. Anderson, walking towards me. I wondered what he was doing here, this late when half the world was asleep. He came closer. I started to fidget with my fingers, trying to come up with a reasonable answer to his likely question: "What are you doing here?"


    "Why are you not at home this late, Joe? Do you know what time it is? It''s 12:38," Mr. Anderson said. Noticing I wasn''t about to make a reply, he said, "You can come with me. I don''t think you would be safe alone."


    "I left my uncle, Mr. Anderson, and I want to stay alone," I said quietly, almost dropping my head to my feet. "I could leave you alone, young man, if only you were not an innocent kid. Now, come with me. I make delicious pancakes."


    <hr>


    Mr. Anderson took me to his house. His housemaid welcomed me with a warm smile. I entered his house, adorned with expensive decor and furnished furniture. His whole corridor was the full size of Uncle Danny''s house but with more fancy items. There wasn''t a thing you would wish for. There was everything a sixteen-year-old boy would want. Yet, I wondered if it was everything a man could wish for?


    Mr. Anderson showed me my new room. "If you need anything, you can call Jenny. She will help you with whatever you want. But for now, my son, let''s eat something. I know you are hungry."


    Jenny was the housemaid I had met earlier. Apart from her, I saw no one else in the house. Out of curiosity, I asked Mr. Anderson, "Where is everyone?"


    He half-smiled, "Who are you expecting?" he asked. I hesitated. "I don''t know...well, maybe Mrs. Anderson and your children?"


    He gave me a half-hearted smile. "She left me long ago. And as for my children... I had only one son, and he is dead."


    Mr. Anderson always appeared so professional and stern that I didn''t imagine he could be lonely inside as well. I know what it feels like to be rejected and isolated. Thus, I felt what he was feeling right now. He had everything, no doubt. Money, expensive stuff, delicious food, a big house, and everything. But if you don''t have a family, you have nothing, and you don''t have a purpose in life. Also, I wondered how much money a math teacher makes in the school.


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    "I''m very sorry for your loss, sir," I said sincerely, praying, Lord, wherever his son had gone¡ªwhich was heaven¡ªwas at peace.


    "Yeah, me too. Let''s get fresh, change your clothes, and eat something," with that said, Mr. Anderson retired from my new room.


    <hr>


    We ate quietly until Mr. Anderson himself broke the sound. "Want more juice?" he poured some orange juice into my glass without waiting for an answer.


    His dinner table was very long, like, more than twelve people could dine together. I wondered what was the use of such over-expensive items when you had only two people at home?


    "How old was he, sir?" I asked him about his dead son and came to know that, like my dad, he also died in a car crash. As saddening as it already was, I quivered hearing that his wife cheated on him with another man. Why would someone do that? Especially a mother? Guess, I will never know.


    Why does God give so much pain to the people with a good heart? I still am not sure. Maybe financially and materially, Mr. Anderson and I were very different, but emotionally and intuitively, we had so much in common. And that night, when we shared most of the emptiness of our hearts with each other, I knew that Mr. Anderson was none other than my guardian angel sent from above.


    It took me three or four more days to learn everything about Mr. Anderson. At the end of the day, I happened to know that he wasn''t as bad as I had initially thought. He may seem stern and all, but overall, he wasn''t a bad person from the heart. He was an example that made me believe in the true sentence: "Never judge a book by its cover."


    <hr>


    I had been avoiding Justin all these days because I couldn''t bring myself to talk to him. What could I say, ''I am staying with Mr. Anderson''? Nah. After all, he usually thought Mr. Anderson was a jerk. However, I was sure if I told Justin everything I happened to know about him, his conception would change immediately.


    But I was afraid he might take my stay with Mr. Anderson as a rejection of his proposal to stay with him.


    Then, when I returned to my new room after the dismissal of a boring physics lecture, on the way back, I met Justin. He wore a gray hoodie and his dark smooth hair was a mess. Beside him was his new girlfriend, Diane. They were laughing together and seemed like they were spending some quality time after a long day. I paused midway, thinking if I should back up or continue to head towards them. I could use my baseball cap to hide the top of my face, but the idea didn''t show up.


    Justin noticed me standing in the middle of the street, and for a moment, he made a confused face. Then, he told the girl that he would see her again the next day at English class, and they parted their ways. Diane went in the opposite direction and Justin strode towards me. God, why did she have to be Diane?


    "Where have you been?! I had been searching for you for so long, you know!" he cried. I almost gulped back a smile. "Sorry. I was searching for you, too," I lied.


    "Really? You know my place," Justin raised an eyebrow and I shrugged.


    "Where are you staying, Joe? Are you okay?" his confused facial expression was now substituted by a concerned one. I told myself that I couldn''t lie this time. My heart was racing fast under my shirt, and I tried to calm my nerves.


    "I''m staying with Mr. Anderson, Justin. I think he deserves company," I said honestly. Justin raised an eyebrow but decided not to say anything against my decision.


    "How is he doing?" he finally asked after a long uncomfortable pause.


    "He''s doing fine now," I guessed. "Maybe I can hold the space in his vacant heart. Maybe I can put his smile back on his face."


    Justin smiled. I got a hint, he liked what I said. Though he didn''t know anything about Mr. Anderson, I felt that he could feel what I was saying.


    "I know you can, Joe. You are a good soul."