《Lossing the mother I never had》


 Wednesday

    It was a regular Wednesday. Mom was out grocery shopping, and I was sitting in the kitchen, with a stranger¡¯s knife to my throat.


    Just to be clear, this is not what I¡¯d call normal. Normal Wednesday would be me raiding the fridge as I got home, pretending I did my physiology homework, probably vanishing to play some game with Shelly for a couple of hours, and then showing up back home for dinner. Mom and I would have one of our usual arguments while Dad pretends not to take sides. Then we¡¯d all end up in the living room watching a show about old ladies solving murders or something.


    I could hear the door open. There was some scuffling, probably Mom with the shopping bags. ¡°Hanna,¡± she called. ¡°You home?¡± The man behind me whispered shush in my ear, and I didn¡¯t respond. I don¡¯t move, I couldn¡¯t move.


    I¡¯m not a very girly girl. I don¡¯t wear dresses or skirts, I don¡¯t have any make-up, you would not see any hint of pink in my room. I got ball practice three times a week, and I¡¯m not allowed to play with the boys because I keep kicking their ass. Dad sometimes gripes about me being a bit too much of a tomboy, mostly when he sees a nice dress I won¡¯t even look at. He was actually happy when I asked to get my ears pierced, although I don¡¯t think he¡¯s a fan of most of my earrings.


    Usually, I am very much not a wallflower. I say what¡¯s on my mind, and I¡¯m not afraid to follow that with actions. When someone tried to bully my friend Daniela at school, I broke his arm. Mom and Dad had to come to school for a talk, and they sent me home for three days. Mom said I get to pick dinners for all of those days. Dad was not so happy, but he took me to work all of those days, and there wasn¡¯t a bit of shame when he told everyone why I was there.


    But when I got home today, this man was waiting for me in the kitchen. He was not that big, but he was bigger than me. When he grabbed me, it hurt, then the knife came out and pinned me to the wall. For a moment there, my mind was going to the worst things. That he was going to rape me, that I¡¯ll get pregnant, and my life would be over. But he just guided me to the chair, told me to be quiet, and stood behind me, the knife never leaving my neck. The way he moved, the way he held the knife, the way he looked at me ¨C I knew he would not hesitate to hurt me. He might even enjoy it.


    Mom came into the kitchen, her vision obscured by the shopping bags. ¡°I know who you are.¡± The man said. Mom ignored him. She put down the bags on the island and began unloading them, oblivious to what he just said. I wanted to scream at her, but I could feel the knife at my throat. ¡°You will do as I say, or I will kill your little girl here.¡± Mom continued to ignore him. She had definitely seen us at this point. There was nothing in her ears; Mom hated headphones. ¡°You would do as I say!¡± He raised his voice. ¡°I will hurt her!¡±


    Not breaking her movement, Mom made eye contact with me. ¡°Honey,¡± she said. ¡°Don¡¯t move.¡±


    One moment Mom was standing on the other side of the island, the next, her hand was wrapped around the man¡¯s knife arm, forcefully twisting it aside and away. When he grabbed me, the expression on the man¡¯s face scared me ¨C but Mom¡¯s expression as she pulled the man off me was terrifying.


    It is hard to explain exactly what I was seeing in her face. Her lip was half curled up in a snarl, but her eyes were not showing much emotion. She was, at the same time, radiating both unimaginable violence and bored disregard. I turned as she pushed him to the wall behind me. He screamed and dropped the knife as a sickening, wet, cracking noise came from his side. No arm should bend like that beyond the elbow.


    ¡°My arm!¡± He cried as Mom drove her knee into his balls, and he cried again, collapsing to the floor.


    She kicked him in the ribs, and there was another wet cracking sound. Then she bent over and picked him up by the neck. It¡¯s a really cool move. You see it on the screen sometimes, but I know you can¡¯t do that in real life ¨C I tried. But she was lifting him, one-handed, by the throat.


    My mom is not a badass. She¡¯s a stay-at-home mom who likes to do embroidery. She drives me to ball practice and calls embarrassing things from the stands. She does a bit of yoga in front of the screen - that is as far as exercise I have ever seen her do. Dad and I have to wrangle her out of the house every time we go camping. She doesn¡¯t even like to open pickle jars.


    Yet here was my Mom, in a light dress, high heels, and pearl neckless holding a man up in the air with one arm. ¡°I¡¯m on holiday.¡± She said. The man tried to say something, or maybe he was just gasping as she was strangling him. ¡°Did you have to disrupt my vacation? Do you know how much work I put into that girl''s genetics?¡± Then she realized his face was turning purple and tossed him to the floor. He grasped for air, and she squatted in front of him. She turned her head to me. ¡°Honey,¡± she said with a smile. ¡°Could you get me some paper towels?¡±


    I got up from the chair, shaking, and somehow made it to the island. I slowly moved around it, my brain was still not fully processing what just happened. I got to the stand, got some paper towels, and came around to give them to Mom. She put them on the floor and then shuffled the man around to sit on them. He was still holding his arm; a bruise was forming around his neck, and his breath was laborious and wet. Mom went on one knee and punched him, once, in the chest, and he stopped breathing. Then, a moment later, as Mom stood up, he fell to the side, his eyes empty.


    I never seen anything die. Nothing with eyes. Nothing with a face. I covered my mouth with my hands as he just laid there, or his body did.


    I was looking at Mom as she went to the sink to wash her hands and then put on an apron as if nothing happened. She got back to unloading the groceries. ¡°Hanna, sweety,¡± she said. ¡°Is Shelly joining us for dinner tonight?¡± I just stood there and looked at her with an empty expression. There was a dead body on the floor behind me. ¡°Sweety?¡± She asked. ¡°Is she coming? It¡¯s a Wednesday, so if you aren¡¯t there, she usually comes over.¡± I looked behind me, then back at Mom. The realization that Shelly might be coming in at any moment and seeing this was paralyzing. Would she call the police? Would they arrest Mom?


    My Mom just killed someone.


    I had no sympathy for him, but I was now terrified in a completely new and unwelcome way. A stranger that was communicating violence is a horror I could process, I could understand. My Mom, the woman who has weekly fights with me over my choice of underwear, who doesn¡¯t like squirrels and obsesses about crisp folds on the napkins at the Friday dinner table. She just killed a man, and she did not seem to care about it.


    I was still standing there, frozen, as she finished putting away the groceries and put the bags under the sink. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. ¡°Hanna,¡± she said. ¡°You can¡¯t just freeze up like that every time you see someone die.¡±


    And something in me snapped. ¡°I never seen anyone die!¡± I yelled. ¡°I¡­ I¡­ I¡­ He was¡­ and you just¡­ You killed him!¡± I couldn¡¯t get my mind organized enough to express the crazy maelstrom of things I was feeling.


    ¡°Ha,¡± she said. ¡°Really should get rid of that before your father gets home.¡± She walked about me and picked up the body, tossing it over her shoulder like it was nothing. ¡°Could you pick up the papers and put them in the bin outside?¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I cried. ¡°No!¡±


    Mom is usually a decent communicator. I won¡¯t say she¡¯s great, but we talk - a lot. She sometimes doesn¡¯t understand things, not things you¡¯d expect. She was completely baffled when I told her I like boys, and just boys. She had me explain to her, in detail, why I chose some earrings ¨C as if it was some monumental decision. Two years ago, when I was fourteen and a half, she got me my first sex toy and couldn¡¯t understand why I didn¡¯t want her to go into details on how to use it. But we talk. It¡¯s usually easier for me to talk with Dad. He¡¯s, usually, a bit less direct. But she communicates, I can understand her, and she usually does try to get me to understand where she¡¯s coming from.


    Right now, she wasn¡¯t even trying. ¡°Since when are you so squeamish about some bodily fluids?¡± She asked, the dead body still over her shoulder.


    ¡°What bodily fluids?¡± I asked. Only then did I notice the smell. ¡°What is that?¡±


    ¡°Loss of bowel control near death.¡± Mom said. ¡°Could you take care of the papers and open a window?¡± I looked at her, not understanding. ¡°I¡¯ll take care of the floor when I¡¯ll get back.¡±


    ¡°Where¡­¡± I began. ¡°Where are you going?¡±


    ¡°To get rid of this,¡± she said, jumping the body with her shoulder. ¡°We can¡¯t just have it on the floor, it will attract bugs.¡± Yes, because that is the problem with having a dead body in the kitchen. She looked me up. ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± She said. ¡°He has accomplices.¡± That was not a reassuring thought one bit. ¡°Come along, we¡¯ll clean the kitchen when we get back.¡± She said and walked to the back door. Holding it open for me. It took me a while, but I eventually came and walked out. Partially because the idea of staying alone right now was not something I could stand.


    We live at the end of the neighborhood, with our backyard open to the woods. Dad keeps saying we need to put a fence, but he never gets around to doing that. Mom just walked straight out into the woods with the body over her shoulder, and I followed close behind. ¡°Where are we going?¡± I asked after a few minutes.


    ¡°Not sure.¡± She said. ¡°I forgot to bring a shovel.¡± She snickered at that, as if that was somehow funny. ¡°So I guess I need to find some big rock to put him under.¡± We went up the slope for a while and then turned to go a bit down until we came to a small notch with some boulders scattered around. ¡°This will do. She tossed the body on the ground next to the wall and looked at the boulders, eventually picking one. She got back to the body and folded his legs atop his chest. There was a pop sound as she forced the legs to stay. Then she got back to the boulder and picked it up.


    I fell on my ass.


    When I say a boulder, I don¡¯t mean something the size of a kitchen appliance, although that would also be rather heavy ¡ª this thing was the size of our car. And Mom just lifted it. There wasn¡¯t any effort there ¡ª she just picked it up, not even lifting with her knees. She walked over with the rock and placed it, not too carefully, over the dead body. There was a squash sound as the weight of the thing crushed it under. ¡°Ok,¡± she said and walked over to me, offering me a hand to get back up. ¡°That should do it. I don¡¯t think any hiker will stumble on it by accident.¡± She pulled me up. The body was entirely buried under the rock. But there were some splotches of blood and gore around.


    I needed to throw up.


    I managed to walk by myself for about a meter or two before I fell to my knees and emptied everything that was in me, the wrong way out. If there was ever a time I was happy I kept my hair short, it was now ¡ª because Mom did not come to hold it for me.


    Once I was done, I remained on my knees for a little while, then stood up and turned back to Mom. ¡°Feeling better?¡± She asked. I could not get my head back up; my eyes narrowed on her feet. She was still wearing her high heels. I never understood how she could walk in those. I constantly fell whenever I tried, but Mom could somehow run in them. I never understood how she could walk in them. Now I was wondering if it was just part of this other side of her I never knew about.


    ¡°No.¡± I eventually said. She wrapped one hand around me and began to walk me home. ¡°Does Dad know?¡± I eventually managed to get myself to ask.


    Mom laughed. ¡°Why would he ever think to ask?¡± She said. I kept my eyes on the ground. I always thought that they talked about everything, sometimes a bit too openly. They talk about odd smells their bodies produce and why Dad has issues with some shade of green. There was even the time that Mom was trying to convince him that it¡¯s fine for him to have an affair. I had to intervene in that one since it was in the middle of dinner, and my parent''s kinky sex life is not something I need as I try to eat. But apparently, they didn¡¯t really talk about everything.


    The more I thought about it, the more I realized there were many things Mom didn¡¯t talk about. I never met her side of the family; the only thing she ever said about them was that they lived far away. She never talked about being a kid or what she did before she met Dad.


    But the thing is, Mom never lies.


    Never.


    Even when she should, she doesn¡¯t lie. She always tells the truth. She sometimes doesn¡¯t answer or doesn¡¯t give the full story, but she never ever lies. My preschool teachers sure hoped she would at some point. Let¡¯s not talk about the week they had after I asked where babies come from.


    We got back into the house, and Mom sat me down in the kitchen, on a different chair. She got me a cup of water and then set about cleaning as if it was some plate that had fallen on the floor and broken. When she got back from the bin and finished washing her hands I managed to take a sip of the water. She took a look at me and started the kettle. She was done with a quick sweep of the floor by the time the water boiled. Mom took down two mugs, the brown one and the blue one with the unicorns I used to obsess about when I was younger, and made us some herbal tea.


    She placed the blue one in front of me and then sat down next to me with her mug. The tea smelled good. We had a good collection of herbs, and Mom had a good nose for them. I held the mug with two hands but didn¡¯t pick it up. Letting the heat spread through my hands. ¡°How strong are you?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Strong.¡± She said, and took a sip of her tea. I was looking at the mug, so I don¡¯t know where she was looking.


    ¡°But how strong?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I can¡¯t crush coal into diamonds.¡± She said. I almost smiled at that. Mom sometimes has the weirdest tropes as references. ¡°I never had the patience to figure out how to get that to work.¡± The idea of the smile vanished. I had no idea what to make of that statement.


    I turned my head to look at her. She was holding her mug, but looking away, out the window above the sink. I looked back at my mug and then back at her. I exhaled and braced myself. ¡°Mom,¡± I asked. ¡°What is going on?¡±


    She took a sip of her tea, still looking out the window. ¡°A nuisance.¡± She said. That is an odd way to describe the events of the last hour or so. I looked out the window. The kitchen is at the side of the house and all you can see out of it is the fence between us and the neighbors, and a little bit into their yard. The Jankowskis are nice, but we don¡¯t really interact with them that much. Their yard is rather empty. They don¡¯t even pull out any decorations for holidays, not that we do. I could not understand what Mom was looking at.


    I was going to ask about calling the police, but then I realized how dumb that would be. I just looked back down at my mug. I really had no idea what is supposed to happen now, comic books and games give you the parts with all the actions, but they never get to the part of what happens next. Mom was not being very informative, or understanding, here.


    The doorbell rang, and I braced, then exhaled, realizing that they would probably not ring the doorbell. ¡°Coming.¡± Mom called and got up. A moment later, I could hear the door open. ¡°Hi, Shelly,¡± I heard Mom. ¡°She¡¯s in the kitchen.¡± It took a moment for Shelly to get to the kitchen, then she pounced and hugged me. She was wearing a blue jacket with a purple shirt, black pants and, as usual, too many necklaces. This week, her fohawk was blue and green, I helped her repaint it over the weekend.


    ¡°When are you going to get a phone?¡± She asked. ¡°I was waiting for you for half an hour before I decided to come and check.¡±


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I said and hugged her back with half an arm. ¡°Things got busy.¡±


    ¡°Well,¡± she said. ¡°I¡¯m here now, which might be better because Dad is cooking today.¡± Shelly¡¯s dad has one mode of cooking he¡¯s half decent with, which is grilling. Everything else he tries to make is a disaster, and he usually doesn¡¯t have enough time to heat the grill midweek. She took Mom¡¯s seat. ¡°So, what are we having for dinner?¡± She asked Mom.


    ¡°You know I should be making you do chores around the house here.¡± Mom said as she got back to the other side of the island and began to get things out of the refrigerator. ¡°You eat here so much, you might as well earn it.¡± She pulled out two large onions and a chopping board and handed them over to Shelly. ¡°Diced, fine.¡± Then she placed some carrots and potatoes next to me with a peeler and a trash bag - the implications were clear.


    I pushed my tea to the side and started peeling. ¡°So, what are we having?¡± Shelly asked again.


    ¡°Soup.¡± Mom said and got out a few vegetables and beans. Mom¡¯s definition of soup is rather broad, but I never mind either of them. Right now, with the taste of bile still in my mouth, I didn¡¯t feel much for any flavor. Shelly got her chair closer to mine and began working on the onions, brushing up against me from time to time. I think I¡¯m the only person Shelly came out to, and she was really depressed for a while when I told her I don¡¯t like her the same way. But I did my best to not let it change anything between us. Shelly, for her side, did her best to take it as me being a heteronormative conformist that she¡¯ll get around to seeing the way out of the closet at some point. I was fairly sure Mom knew - she was scary like that sometimes¡­


    I dropped the carrot and the peeler. The idea that Mom might have had other powers as well dawned on me. There are things that a teenage girl would very much like to keep in her head and as obscured as possible from her parents. I was beginning to reevaluate the talk she and Dad had with me two weeks ago about the risk of porn addiction, which was as awkward for me as that sounds and way more embarrassing given some things I sometimes do in my room with the door closed.


    ¡°You okay?¡± Shelly asked.


    ¡°Yes,¡± I said. ¡°I got distracted.¡± I picked up the carrot and the peeler and got back to work. It didn¡¯t take me long to get through the small pile, and Shelly got through hers. We were sitting there, as if everything was back to normal, and it wasn¡¯t. I really wanted to talk to Mom about this, but I didn¡¯t know what to say, or if she¡¯ll give me any answers. I definitely did not want to have that conversation with Shally here, and I couldn¡¯t figure a way to get rid of her in a nice way¡­ and I also wasn¡¯t sure I wanted to stay alone with Mom right now.


    Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.


    I jumped out of my chair and grabbed Shelly by the hand. ¡°We¡¯re going up to my room,¡± I said. ¡°Call us when the food is ready.¡± I yanked Shelly out of the chair and ran out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into my room. I almost forcefully got her in and locked the door.


    When I turned to her, she had already tossed her jacket on the bed and grabbed me, her hand coming behind me and grabbing my ass. ¡°I knew you¡¯d get around eventually.¡± She said with a terrible attempt at a husky voice.


    ¡°Shelly,¡± I looked her down, doing my best to replicate one of Mom¡¯s patented stares that make me feel like a small animal in front of incoming high beams. ¡°Let go of my ass. This isn¡¯t what this is.¡±


    ¡°Spoilsport.¡± She said, gave me a pack on the lips, squeezed me behind one more time, and let go. I rolled my eyes. I really love Shelly, not like, love, but not like that. The fact that I love her so much is the only reason I¡¯m willing to let her get away with her acting like that. It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t like feeling her touching me, I¡¯m not repulsed, I just don¡¯t feel anything toward her in that way. I know it¡¯s hard on her, which is why I¡¯m fine with her doing it from time to time, so long as she respects it when I set boundaries and stops when I tell her. She walked over to my bed, grabbed my pillow, and hugged it. ¡°So, why¡¯d you pull me up here like your life depends on it if you didn¡¯t want to make out?¡±


    I took a deep breath and gave her the short version of everything that happened since I got home. The word ¡°what¡± was said a lot of times, as well as various variations on ¡°are you kidding me?¡±. Her face went through a wide range of emotions, there were a few hugs, without trying to reach for my ass this time. ¡°And then you got here,¡± I said, I may also have been crying by that point. ¡°And we were just sitting there like it was another Wednesday, and I couldn¡¯t take it anymore¡­¡± My head was deep into Shelly¡¯s shoulder, and her hands were around me. She held me like that for a little while longer while I cried.


    Eventually, I calmed down a bit. Shelly gave me a kiss on either of my eyes and got up to get some papers to wipe my tears. She sat back on the bed and slowly worked on my face, drying it slowly. ¡°It¡¯s going to be fine.¡± Unlike Mom, Shelly never had any issue with lying.


    ¡°How?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Maybe you also got powers?¡± She said with half a smile.


    ¡°I don¡¯t have any powers.¡± I said. Then, with a momentary panic attack, I grabbed her arm. ¡°You think it means I¡¯m adopted?¡±


    She held my hand. ¡°You¡¯re not adopted.¡± She said. ¡°Your mom told us about your birth, multiple times, in so many details I don¡¯t want to ever have kids.¡± Mom was never squeamish about the details, one of the reasons that about a year ago, I informed her I was becoming a vegetarian. Mom took it as a personal culinary challenge, Dad still complains. ¡°Maybe they just haven¡¯t kicked in yet.¡± I didn¡¯t know if that was something I should dread or look forward to. Shelly grabbed my hands. ¡°How about we go downstairs, together, and you just ask her. Ask her everything, I¡¯ll be there, I¡¯ll hold your hand.¡± Shelly did not miss an opportunity to try and put herself in the girlfriend role.


    ¡°She¡¯ll just skirt around the questions.¡± I said. ¡°You know how she is, if she doesn¡¯t want to say something, she doesn¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°Yes,¡± Shelly said. I know how she is. I know she never brushes you off when you have an uncomfortable question. I really wish my parents would be like that, sometimes.¡± I half smiled. Shelly¡¯s parents were very nice, but they were also not the best people to ask questions. When Shelly had her first period, she came over and asked Mom.


    ¡°Fine,¡± I said after a while. ¡°But if you run off on me, we are never speaking again.¡± Assuming Mom won¡¯t just murder her for what she knows. I got up, Shelly¡¯s hand in mine, and we went back to the kitchen. Mom was working on the soup, which smelled amazing. ¡°Mom¡­¡± I began.


    ¡°Still can¡¯t get her to make out with you?¡± Mom asked over her shoulder towards Shelly.


    ¡°Mom!¡± I grabbed Shelly¡¯s hand tighter. ¡°Could we¡­ can we¡­ I have questions.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± She said. Mom put away what she was doing, washed her hands, and turned to me. ¡°Ask away.¡±


    I looked at Shelly, I wasn¡¯t sure what I should actually start with. I looked back at Mom. ¡°Do I have powers?¡± I asked.


    ¡°No.¡± Mom said. ¡°That¡¯s not how I made you.¡± That was an odd way to put that. ¡°You do have the potential,¡± she continued. ¡°Backup is always important, but it won¡¯t trigger. Without a massive intervention you¡¯re not likely to get on this mudball.¡±


    Shelly dropped my hand and pointed at Mom. ¡°You¡¯re an alien!¡± She cried. I didn¡¯t get how Shelly made that mental leap.


    Mom rolled her eyes. ¡°Really Shelly?¡± She asked, she gave Shelly one of her looks. ¡°We talked about the use of derogatory terms in this house.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Shelly said and looked very embarrassed. She took my hand again.


    ¡°You aren¡¯t wrong,¡± Mom continued. ¡°But language girl.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re an ali¡­¡± I began and caught myself. Mom had zero tolerance towards certain things. ¡°You¡¯re not from here?¡± That actually explained more things than I was comfortable admitting.


    ¡°No,¡± Mom said. ¡°I¡¯m not.¡± She might have been about to say something else, but then she ran over to the stove to take the heat down and add something to the pot. That might have been for the best because that bombshell definitely merited a moment to process. ¡°Hanna, could you hand me the herbs?¡± I looked at Shelly, who nodded and let go of her hand, going around the kitchen¡¯s island to get the herbs from next to the sink and handed them to Mom, who was stirring the pot. ¡°Thanks, dear.¡± She said. ¡°Did you have anything else you wanted to ask?¡± I wanted to scream. Yes, there was so much more I wanted to ask. I didn¡¯t even know where to start.


    Without Shelly there to hold my hand, I exploded again. ¡°Could you please stop acting like it¡¯s all normal, Mom!¡± I yelled. ¡°This isn¡¯t normal!¡± Mom looked away from the pot, still steering, and looked at me. She shrugged. ¡°How are you so calm?¡± I asked. I mean, it wasn¡¯t that strange that Mom was that calm. She¡¯s always calm, it drives me crazy sometimes. I yell, and she just stands there and talks to me in a level voice. But this wasn¡¯t the neighbor coming over to yell because I broke their window by accident, kicking the ball too hard from the backyard. This isn¡¯t Grandma going ballistic because I left a pan in my pants pocket when she did laundry, and it ruined her tablecloth. Someone was trying to kill me. Someone actually died. We buried a body in the wood¡­ A little bit of an emotional response is very much in order.


    Mom turned back to the soup. ¡°There isn¡¯t really anything that special about it?¡± She said. She tasted the soup and then extended the spoon towards me. ¡°Could you give it a taste, I think it needs more salt.¡±


    I tasted. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± I said. I could feel Shelly¡¯s hand on my shoulder, and I was very grateful for it. ¡°People breaking into our house are not¡­ you being¡­ This is not normal, Mom.¡± I took a breath. ¡°This is not my normal.¡± I said in a low voice.


    ¡°Well, of course,¡± Mom said. ¡°It was never meant to be.¡± She added some spices to the soup and covered it, turning to me. ¡°Do we need some rolls with the soup?¡±


    ¡°Can we, please, be in one conversation?¡± I asked, I had my hand on Shelly¡¯s as she squeezed my shoulder. I was trying my best not to cry. ¡°Please.¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡± Mom said, lowered the heat on the stove, and came to sit on a chair. It was the same chair the man had me sit on. ¡°What do you want to talk about?¡±


    I leaned on the island with both my hands. ¡°You, this, me!¡± I barked at her.


    ¡°Hanna,¡± Mom said. ¡°Full sentences, please.¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± I took a deep breath. Shelly¡¯s hand had dropped from my shoulder, but I knew she was still standing behind me. I appreciate that she didn¡¯t intervene, this time. ¡°Do you know who he was? What did he want from you?¡±


    ¡°He had a name.¡± Mom made a dismissive gesture. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. He wanted me to do something for him¡­ well, he actually mostly wanted revenge on something I was tangentially related to and wanted to force me to do it for him.¡±


    ¡°So you knew him?¡± I asked.


    ¡°What?¡± Mom looked at me oddly. ¡°Didn¡¯t even know he existed until today.¡±


    ¡°So how do you know?¡± I asked. ¡°Are you guessing?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± Mom said. ¡°I read his mind.¡± I nodded, biting my lips. So, Mom could read minds, my life would never be the same again. ¡°Yes, Shelly, I know about your fantasy regarding the strap-on and the kitchen table.¡± I could hear her gasping behind me. ¡°We can revisit that when you¡¯re a bit older if Hanna will be fine with that.¡± I allowed my head to drop. Mom¡¯s ability to derail this conversation was getting on my nerves, and I could have lived very well without the mental image of my mom and my best friend going at it on the kitchen table.


    ¡°Why do you keep throwing the off the topic, Mom?¡± I asked, not looking at her. ¡°What is it that you don¡¯t want to talk about?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s a long list, sweety.¡± She said.


    ¡°Like, why Hanna doesn¡¯t have powers?¡± Shelly asked behind me. ¡°You said you made it that way, so it was on purpose.¡±


    ¡°Hanna doesn¡¯t have powers because she doesn¡¯t need them.¡± Mom said.


    ¡°Mom,¡± I looked up at her. ¡°When you beat that guy to death, you said you were on vacation.¡± I wasn¡¯t sure I wanted to hear the answer to that. ¡°Why did you say that?¡± And that hit the nail on its head. For a moment there, Mom didn¡¯t answer. Her face darkened a bit.


    She leaned with her elbows on the table. ¡°No powers.¡± She said. ¡°But I sure did make you smart.¡± She might have been about to say something else, but rather, she jumped up from her chair, over the island, and on top of us. ¡°Girls, get down!¡± She called. As I hit the floor with Mom on top of me and Shelly underneath me, something exploded. Everything shook, and I could feel my ears popping. Between the fall and the explosion, whatever air was in my chest was long gone, and I was trying to climb out of that, to get a breath. But Mom grabbed me and dragged me down to the floor. ¡°Stay down.¡± She said in a voice that would stop a bullet in mid-air.


    She did get up, and walked around the island. I was not willing to have the last thing I saw of my mother be the back of her heels. I began to pull myself up, but I could see Mom stopped, and took off her shoes. There was debris everywhere, but she did not seem to care; she just left her shoes on the floor and walked into the living room. I crouched and looked over the island with Shelly trying to pull me down. There was someone there in powered armor. Like, real power armor, not some cosplay, it had actual weight. They, maybe he, held a weapon towards Mom, who was walking straight towards them.


    There was something utterly ridiculous about what I was seeing. Here was some person, wearing a small tank, holding a gun bigger than my thigh, and there was Mom, in her summer dress, barefoot, walking towards them. There wasn¡¯t a balance of power here, but the person shaking and retreating was the one in the powered armor ¨C not Mom.


    Then they called something and shot. Multiple more shots came from farther into the living room, and Shelly forcefully pulled me down and out of the possible line of fire. I got out of that and got back up, I had to see.


    No one was firing anymore, and Mom just stood there, her dress ruined, but other than that, she was fine. She was holding up her hand, I could see she was holding her necklace. ¡°I liked those pearls.¡± She said and tossed it to the side. Dad got her those pearls on their honeymoon; he liked telling that story. I hoped we could find them later. But Mom didn¡¯t seem to care about that right now. It looked like she was taking just a step, but then she was just next to the powered armor, and her punch came flying. It came in so fast, it was like there was another explosion when it hit. Her hand just went straight through the armor, like it was just some wet paper. Then she pulled her fist out, so fast it barely felt like it had moved, but now it was covered in blood. She looked to the left, there was focus on her face that I knew to fear, but I had no idea how much until that moment. Then she was gone, the sound of shots echoed to us. Then came the explosion, one, two, three¡­ and then silence.


    ¡°I got all of them for now,¡± Mom called from the living room, like she was just dealing with some spiders or cockroaches. ¡°It¡¯s safe to come out.¡± Shelly and I exchanged a series of looks, complete with facial gestures and the odd head tilt, until I groaned and just stood up and walked out to the living room, Shelly behind me.


    Mom¡¯s dress was gone, her hair was wild. She was sitting naked on what was left of the orange sofa, hugging her left leg with her chin on her knee. ¡°Hi Mom,¡± I said. ¡°You okay?¡±


    ¡°Not really.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯m really not in the mood to redo the living room, or the house.¡± She looked at me. ¡°I really hate dealing with contractors.¡± Yes, because right here, contractors were our problem. Not the four dead bodies in powered armor who were scattered on the ground, not the fact our house was in ruins, not whatever heat was going to come down from the government ¨C contractors!


    Our house was at the end of a cul-de-sac. The Jankowskis didn¡¯t have kids, and they both worked late. The house on the other side was empty since the Kaufmanns moved last month. But the explosion that took the front of the house was so loud that there was no way it wasn¡¯t noticed by someone up the street. Sooner or later, the cops would show up.


    And then the realization dawned on me. ¡°What are we going to tell Dad?¡± I asked.


    Mom looked at me, confused for a second, then laughed. ¡°That¡¯s a good question.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯ll figure that out later.¡± She stood up. Mom is stupidly good-looking, thin but athletic, with breasts that needed no bra to keep their shape and not a spec of body hair. I don¡¯t need any ads or celebrities to induce body image issues ¨C I have enough of those at home. ¡°I think I¡¯m going to change first.¡± She said, and walked up the stairs to the second floor.


    I looked at Shelly. ¡°What am I supposed to do?¡± I asked.


    Shelly looked around. ¡°Want to go to my place?¡± She asked with an awkward smile. She was flushed red, and I realized that she had just seen Mom naked for the first time. That is definitely going to keep her up at night, very busy.


    ¡°Let¡¯s wait for my mom to com¡­¡± I began, but the sound of steps on the stairs drew my attention. We¡¯ve lived in this house for as long as I can remember, and I can tell people by the sound of their steps on the stairs. Dad has a heavy step with a slight spring and a determined pace. Shelly has a quick pace, her legs hit the floor fast and hard, even when she just walks. Mom has a staccato to her steps, with a sharp sound when her heels hit the floor. That was not the sound coming down the stairs. The steps were soft, just barely audible. I braced for a moment, worried there was another one of them coming from upstairs.


    A woman came down the stairs. She wore cargo pants, a tank top, and a denim jacket. It took me a minute to realize it was Mom. She didn¡¯t move like Mom ¨C her motions were much wider and smoother. Even her expression, a content ease, was not one I would usually associate with Mom, but it seemed in place for this woman. As she made it downstairs, I noticed she was wearing combat boots. I knew for sure we didn¡¯t have any of those in the house. Nor did we have any swords, but she also had one of those strapped to her back.


    ¡°Who are you?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Does it matter?¡± The woman who used to be my mom asked. Her tone was different, both bemused and harsh at the same time. I brought my hand to my mouth as I realized this was the first time I actually seen her as she really is, not the mask she was apparently wearing all these years.


    ¡°I want to know who my mother is!¡± I yelled. I could see Shelly at the corner of my eye trying to signal me to stay calm. Mom did calm, I didn¡¯t. ¡°Was it all just a game for you?¡±


    I still had a problem really think of this woman as my mom. Then she shrugged like Mom usually did. ¡°Mostly.¡± She said.


    ¡°Then what about me?¡± I was crying. ¡°Was I just some toy you played with? Why did you have me?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re being a bit dramatic.¡± She said, then looked me up and down. ¡°Ho¡­ you were always too smart for your own good.¡±


    ¡°So you¡¯re¡­¡± I began.


    ¡°For a while.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a day or two.¡±


    I blinked. ¡°What?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m not leaving you.¡± She said, kicking one of the dead bodies. ¡°I''m just going to take care of these idiots so they won¡¯t bother us anymore. I¡¯m going to stick around for a few more years.¡± She came over and grabbed me. Gave me a kiss on my forehead. I looked up, and I could see Mom again. ¡°Go sleep over at Shelly¡¯s tonight.¡± She said, and walked out of the hole in the front of the house.


    I looked at her go. Shelly came over and hugged me. ¡°You think she¡¯s coming back?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Mom doesn¡¯t lie.¡± I said. ¡°She says it¡¯s less effective than telling a truth.¡±


    I sat down on what was left of the sofa. ¡°What do you want to do?¡± She asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I said. ¡°Maybe I should spend the night at your place.¡± I looked at the rubble and dead bodies. ¡°But I think I¡¯ll wait a bit¡­ Dad¡¯s going to have an aneurysm if he comes home and has no idea where I went.¡±


    I sat there for a while. Shelly went upstairs and packed me a bag. I placed it next to the hole in the wall for now. At some point, I remembered the soup and turned off the stove. It might even be edible.


    The police didn¡¯t show up, I don¡¯t know why. But eventually, Dad did. He came running into the house, to find me, still sitting on the sofa, with Shelly hugging me. ¡°Hi, Dad.¡± I said.


    He ran over and hugged me as well. ¡°Are you ok?¡± He asked. ¡°What happened? Where¡¯s your mom? Why didn¡¯t you call?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I said, I wasn¡¯t, but he didn¡¯t need to hear that. ¡±Mom¡¯s an alien super soldier or something, and¡­ I didn¡¯t think to call.¡±


    He pulled back. ¡°What?¡± He asked, clearly baffled. I gave him the cliffsnotes version, Shelly chiming in from time to time. ¡°And she just left?¡± He said as I wrapped up.


    ¡°She just left.¡± I said. I was still trying to understand how I felt about that.


    ¡°She just left.¡± Dad repeated, looking back behind him at the hole in the front of the house.


    ¡°She said she¡¯d come back in a day or two.¡± I said. Not sure if that helps in any ways. I have no idea where she went. I could have run after her, but I didn¡¯t, and I¡¯m not sure why.


    ¡°From where?¡± He asked.


    ¡°She didn¡¯t say.¡± I said. ¡°Maybe we¡¯ll just wait, she¡­¡± I choke on my words. Dad looked hollow, and I couldn¡¯t blame him.


    He was sitting on the floor next to us, taking a long look around him. ¡°What are we going to do about all this?¡± He asked, not me, just in general. Then he sniffed the air. ¡°Wait, she made dinner?¡±


    I was holding myself from laughing, realizing she actually did. There was still a huge pot of soup, the type you eat with a fork, on the stove. ¡°You hungry?¡± I asked. I had no appetite.


    ¡°Not really.¡± He said. ¡°But we should probably eat something before we try to deal with the rest of this.¡± Dad usually skips lunch, he was probably famished.


    ¡°I¡¯ll set the table.¡± I said and stood up, only then realizing that the table was gone, crushed under a dead body in powered armor. ¡°Ah¡­ Maybe we¡¯ll just eat in the kitchen.¡± I corrected myself and went. There was something comforting about just following the routine of doing something normal. Shelly helped me, never being too far away from me.


    We eat quietly. Mom¡¯s cooking was, as usual, great. But there was a flavor to her absence. I wasn¡¯t sure what to say to Dad right now, and it seemed that he wasn¡¯t sure what to say to me. Shelly was kind enough not to try and help, which made for a really quiet dinner.


    I was about to clear my plate when someone called from the living room. I walked out, but Dad rushed past me. Jana Jankowski was standing in the hole in the front of the house. I pulled back into the kitchen as Dad tried to excuse the mess. She didn¡¯t freak out about the dead bodies, but only because she thought they were some sort of props. Maybe that¡¯s just a sane mind trying to find a rational explanation. After all, why would the nice people next door have dead bodies wearing something from a comic book lying around?


    Eventually he managed to get her to go away and came back to the kitchen. ¡°I think it¡¯ll be better if Hanna sleeps at your place tonight.¡± He said to Shelly.


    ¡°That was the plan.¡± She said as she was working on her second serving.


    ¡°Good.¡± Dad did his bast to avoid looking at me and just looked at the mess that was the living room. ¡°I¡¯ll try to do something about this.¡±


    ¡°I can help.¡± I said.


    ¡°Let me get started.¡± He said. ¡°Hopefully, by the time you get back from school, this will all look like something¡­¡± He lost his words. Mom never lied, Dad was a bit more human than her.


    ¡°Fine.¡± I said. I didn¡¯t mean it, but I was old enough to know that Dad needed his space right then. Dad isn¡¯t really what I would call a macho, but he had some trappings. He took care of himself and exercised a lot. A fair bit of it, I think, had to do with just looking good enough for Mom. She never cared, but he did. Mom had some income stream I never figured out, some investments or something. But Dad was the main breadwinner. I wouldn¡¯t say he had a fragile male ego, but he did see himself as the person protecting us, and this could not have been easy on him. ¡°Ho crap,¡± I said and covered my mouth. Dad didn¡¯t care for this sort of language, but he didn¡¯t react right now. ¡°Grandma is coming tomorrow.¡± That made him flinch.


    ¡°Crap.¡± He said and looked at the time. ¡°She¡¯s already on the flight.¡± She was on a trip, and we live closer to the airport. Dad looked around the house. ¡°How am I going to explain¡­¡± He looked at us.


    ¡°Can you just drive her home?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Maybe¡­¡± He said. ¡°I¡¯ll take care of Grandma.¡± He said, not very convincingly.


    Shelly finished her plate and took it to the sink. ¡°I think that is our queue to leave.¡± She said.


    I looked at Dad. ¡°You sure?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Go.¡± He said. ¡°I¡¯ll call Shelly¡¯s if I¡¯ll have any update.¡±


    Shelly had to drag me out of the house, not forcibly, but my legs would not have walked if she didn¡¯t pull me. We walked out of the yard and out to the sidewalks, it was not dark yet, but it would be soon. ¡°Thank you for letting me talk for myself.¡± I said.


    She slung her hand over my shoulder. ¡°What are best friends for if not to shut up and look pretty.¡± She said with a huge smile.


    I returned a coy one. ¡°You¡¯re the best.¡± I said.


    ¡°Yet you still won¡¯t make out with me.¡± She said, it was a joke, but I knew she also meant it.


    ¡°I just don¡¯t¡­¡± I began.


    ¡°Not to worry.¡± She said, still with the huge, stupid smile, she wiped her hand across the air in front of us. ¡°Now I can put all my fantasies on your mom.¡± To that, I wasn¡¯t sure if I should laugh, or be terrified.


    ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± I said.


    ¡°OK.¡± She said. She gave me a look, I felt like she was about to make another jab about me not being into her. But apparently, something in my face blew out that candle for now. ¡°Sorry.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯m not really distracting you, am I?¡±


    ¡°Not really.¡± I said. ¡°But you can hug me tonight.¡± I smiled at her. We usually shared her bad in her place, and I would always elbow her and tell her to keep to her side, and to stop stealing my blanket. ¡°I think it would be easier to know someone is there.¡±


    ¡°Will do.¡± She said, smiling again and giving me a thumbs up.


    ¡°You touch my nipple or try to put your hand into my pants,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯ll break your fingers.¡±


    ¡°Spoilsport.¡± She said and extended her tongue to me. ¡°Wait, so your tits are game as long as I don¡¯t touch the nipples?¡±


    I elbowed her. ¡°You¡¯re such a perv.¡± I said.


    ¡°Said the girl who wants to get into bed with me.¡± She replied, and I couldn¡¯t help but laugh. It wasn¡¯t that funny, but this was our usual banter when it was just us.


    Shelly¡¯s parents didn¡¯t even react when she said I¡¯d stay the night. We have been sleeping over at each other¡¯s place since we were kids. At this point, Shelly¡¯s mom would buy me new toothbrushes when the old one I had there got too janky. But then, her mom¡¯s a dentist, and worse ¨C she¡¯s my dentist. Not that she ever had anything to say about my teeth, I never had a cavity. Something that Shelly definitely can¡¯t say.


    It was nice to have someone next to me that night. I cried more than I slept, and Shelly hugged me throughout. I only had to slap her on the wrist once for putting her hand where she shouldn¡¯t have, but I think she did it mostly to distract me.

 Thursday

    By sunrise, my eyes were red, I had bags under my eyes, my head hurt, and the last thing I wanted was to get out of bed. If I were home, I would probably stay in bed. Dad would understand and call my teacher to explain. But I wasn¡¯t home, and I really didn¡¯t want to explain any of this to Shelly¡¯s parents. So I got out of bed and sorted myself out. Shelly¡¯s Mom informed us at breakfast that she¡¯d drive us to school, so any chance of just sneaking back home went out the window.


    School had some stupid rules about makeup, but a bit of foundation and concealer was something I could get away with. I just hoped my eyes would clear out a little bit by the first period. I did not want to answer questions or get referred to the counselor, again. But I got no comments from any of the teachers, no one seemed to notice anything.


    Which, on some level, was worse.


    I really didn¡¯t want to be at school, I wanted to be home, screaming, crying, or even just whaling on some poor nails, putting boards on the front of the house. I definitely did not want to be in Ruth Gabor¡¯s math class, going for the third week in a row on how derivatives work. I already knew how derivative work, and integrals, and Laplacians¡­ maybe even better than her.


    The only person who acted differently was creepy Tamara Omar. I had no idea what her deal was, but she always had a thing for me. The first day of high school, she came to me and told me she was going to be my friend. Always tries to sit next to me, always volunteers to be my partner on assignments. We don¡¯t live that far, so she always tries to go home with me or join me on the way to school if I walk. She never did anything, but the girl has some serious boundary issues. The only time it sort of crossed a line was when she volunteered herself to accompany me to the restroom on a school trip without asking.


    Mom said I shouldn¡¯t be mean to her, but I don¡¯t have to be nice. That is, more or less, how I delt with her thus far.


    Today I just wanted to punch her.


    It¡¯s not one thing she did ¡ª it was a lot of little things. She attached herself to Shelly and me as we came to school, traded places to sit in the same line as me, and kept looking at me. I¡¯m aware that saying it like that makes me sound like a five-year-old, but she did, and it drove me crazy. Maybe because today, I just didn¡¯t want anyone to notice me, and she insisted on being obtuse about noticing me.


    When we went out for break, I just grabbed Shelly and ran for it, trying to get some space away from Tamara. She, naturally, followed us. I took us away from the main yard and towards the old gym, and she kept following. At that point, I just ran out of patience, and possibly common sense. I pulled Shelly to the side behind a wall, and when Tamara came close, I jumped out with my fist to punch her stupid face. ¡°Would you sto¡­¡± I began to shout at her.


    I didn¡¯t get to finish the sentence. I had no idea how it happened, but I was with my, rather aching, face in the ground, my arm locked behind my back, and Tamara sitting on me. I¡¯m fairly sure something happened between the two states, but it was so fast I barely registered it. ¡°Get off of her!¡± Shelly yelled and pushed Tamara off me. ¡°What is wrong with you?¡±


    ¡°She tried to punch me!¡± Tamara yelled back. Then she looked down at me as I rolled over and groaned. ¡°She did.¡±


    Shelly helped me up. ¡°So you decided to break her teeth and arm?¡± She asked.


    Tamara raised an eyebrow. ¡°Overreacting much?¡± She said. ¡°It was just an arm lock.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I said to Shelly. I took a deep breath and tried to pretend I¡¯m an adult. ¡°Sorry I tried to punch you.¡±


    Tamara shrugged and got up. ¡°Sorry I smashed your face into the ground.¡± She said.


    ¡°Could you¡­¡± I sighed. ¡°Could you just give us some space.¡± I wiped my hand on my face and realized my makeup was completely smudged.


    ¡°I got my makeup kit in my beg,¡± Tamara said. ¡°You want to borrow it?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I said. Tamara had a much darker complexion than I did; I was fairly sure any product she had would look weird on my face. ¡°Just give me some space today.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Tamara said, theatrically holding her arms up. ¡°Was just a bit worried about you, with the attack and your Mom gone and all.¡±


    I could feel the blood running out of my face. ¡°How¡¯d you know about that?¡± I asked.


    ¡°You remember I live up the street from you, right?¡± She asked. Normally, that would make sense, but after no one seemed to react to any of that yesterday, it was just so odd for someone to pick up on that. It took me another moment to realize she knew about Mom. The explosion she could hear, she¡¯s a creepy little stalker, so it made sense she¡¯d come and check it out. But she had no way to know about Mom. Dad wouldn¡¯t tell her, and it¡¯s not like Mom would.


    I was about to try and grab her, but Shelly was smarter than me and grabbed me before Tamara could plant me in the ground again. ¡°How do you know about my mom?¡± I growled at her.


    Tamara realized she said something she shouldn¡¯t have. ¡°Ah¡­ she wasn¡¯t around this morning¡­¡± She tried to say, but my face clearly told her I wasn¡¯t buying it. ¡°I just know, okay?¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t be an asshole Tamara.¡± Shelly said, hands over her hips.


    ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have said anything.¡± Tamara said.


    ¡°Well, now you have.¡± I said. ¡°What else do you know?¡±


    ¡°Maybe I should go.¡± Tamara said and began to look over her shoulder.


    ¡°The one time in your life I actually give you the time of day, and you run off?¡± I asked.


    ¡°You seem upset.¡± Tamara said, she was turning way from us. But now, for the first time since I met her, I really didn¡¯t want her to go away.


    ¡°Of course I¡¯m upset!¡± I yelled, waving my hands. ¡°Someone put a knife to my throat, our house got blown up, and Mom is some crazy mess murder machine or something, so I can¡¯t talk about any of that.¡± Shelly¡¯s face made it very clear to me that I had just said something that I shouldn¡¯t; the fact Tamara didn¡¯t react immediately to that should have already set off alarms.


    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t call her a mess murderer.¡± She said, and then also froze. We looked at each other, realizing that we both overstepped.


    ¡°What do you know about my mom?¡± I asked slowly.


    ¡°What do you know about your mom?¡± She replied.


    ¡°Tell me how you know she left, and I¡¯ll tell you.¡± I said.


    ¡°Tell me what you know,¡± Tamara said. ¡±And I¡¯ll know what I can tell you.¡±


    ¡°Hanna¡¯s mom is a scary fucking alien with superpowers.¡± Shelly intervened. Both Tamara and I looked at her. ¡°I also know stuff,¡± she looked at me. ¡°And you¡¯re not the only one that is about holding things in since yesterday.¡± I looked at my feet and chewed on my lower lip. I was so wrapped up in my own mess that the fact Shelly was also dealing with it sort of went by the wayside.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I said. I walked over and hugged her. ¡°I¡­¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± Shelly said. ¡°You have to live through it, I¡¯m just the spectator.¡± She looked over my shoulder at Tamara. ¡°So, what do you know?¡± Tamara looked awkward and scratched behind her head.


    I pulled away from Shelly. ¡°You going to say something or just stand there until the bell rings?¡± I asked.


    ¡°That¡¯s an option?¡± She asked.


    ¡°No!¡± I yelled


    ¡°Ah¡­¡± She began. ¡°I¡¯m sort of part of a detail that¡¯s keeping an eye on your mom¡­ you¡¯re sort of my responsibility in all that.¡±


    My head went forward, my shoulders back and my hands went wide. ¡°What?¡± I asked. Is that why the cops didn¡¯t come because the Government knew and was keeping it under wraps?


    ¡°Your mom knew.¡± Tamara continued. ¡°She kept telling me how bad at my job I was.¡±


    ¡°I thought you were just stalking me,¡± I said. ¡°Or something.¡±


    Tamara laughed. ¡°Definitely your mom¡¯s kid ¨C goes straight to make everything about sex.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t say anything about sex,¡± I said. ¡°That¡¯s just you and your creepy little mind.¡±


    ¡°I take it back,¡± Tamara said. ¡°She¡¯d probably bed me by now.¡±


    ¡°Yuck!¡± I said. ¡°You wish!¡±


    She made a dreamy face. ¡°Ho¡­¡± She said. ¡°I do.¡±


    ¡°Yuck!¡± I said again.


    ¡°I mean, your mom is hot.¡± Shelly said.


    ¡°You too?¡± I said with disgust.


    ¡°And it¡¯s not like she and your dad are exclusive.¡± Tamara added. If I could actually look daggers, Tamara would look like a pin cushion right now. The fact Mom and Dad were swingers was always one of those things I hoped no one in school will ever find out. Since Mom told me and explained to me what it was, when I was in sixth grade.


    ¡°They¡¯re what?¡± Shelly asked.


    ¡°Fine,¡± I said. ¡°You''re spying on us. You made your point. Now I know. Is some black van going to come now and grab me to dissect me?¡±


    Tamara laughed again. She put her arm around me, and the other around Shelly and began to walk us away. ¡°Ho¡­ You got this so wrong.¡± She said. She walked us a little bit towards a bench under a tree where two boys were sitting. ¡°Hi!¡± She called towards them, and they looked at us. Jonny Calvo and Tom Lee were the only people Tamara sort of got along with. Jonny was also a bit of a creep, but Tom was cool and good-looking and sort of my type. ¡°Welcome to the conspiracy girls!¡± She said. ¡°We¡¯re all from the government, just not yours.¡±


    ¡°Tamara,¡± Jonny said. ¡°What the fuck?¡±


    ¡°She knows.¡± Tamara said. ¡°They know.¡±


    Jonny released a sigh of relief. ¡°Thank the Throne.¡± He said. ¡°It was getting hard to keep an eye on her without looking suspicious.¡±


    ¡°Did she tell you where she went?¡± Tom asked.


    ¡°Who?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Your mother.¡± He said.


    I shook my head. ¡°No idea.¡± I said.


    ¡°So, which countries are you with?¡± Shelly asked.


    The three of them exchanged looks. ¡°Didn¡¯t you say they know?¡± Jonny asked.


    ¡°Wait¡­¡± Shelly¡¯s eyes open wide. ¡°You¡¯re aliens!?¡±


    Tom sighed and leaned back. ¡°Sure,¡± he said. ¡°A bit louder, please. I think there are some people in the junior high who didn¡¯t hear you.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Shelly said and covered her mouth. ¡°But you are, right? Aliens?¡±


    ¡°In the sense, we aren¡¯t from this planet?¡± Jonny asked. ¡°Yes, but we usually keep that term for non-human species.¡±


    ¡°How could you be¡­¡± Shelly was trying to sort that out in her head.


    ¡°So all of you are spying on me?¡± I asked.


    Tom shrugged. ¡°Spying, protecting, monitoring¡­¡± He said. ¡°We¡¯re definitely not hanging around here for fun.¡±


    ¡°I mean, I could do without going through puberty again.¡± Tamara said. There was so much to deconvolve out of that sentence I could not even properly process it right then and there.


    ¡°But you are spying on me.¡± I said.


    ¡°Your mom is kind of a big deal up there.¡± Tamara said, pointing to the sky. ¡°So much so that if one of her instances just stays put in the suburbs of some backward mudball, people get worried.¡±


    I snickered at that. ¡°She¡¯s like the queen of space or something?¡±


    They didn¡¯t look amused. ¡°Not yet.¡± Tom said. ¡°But¡­ if things continue at the current pace, she¡¯ll probably be, in a few centuries.¡±


    ¡°You think it¡¯ll take that long?¡± Jonny said.


    Tom shrugged. ¡°What do I know?¡± He said. ¡°If I was any good at this, I would be monitoring the principle rather than¡­¡±


    I put my hand on my hips. ¡°Standing right here!¡± I said. He might be good-looking but he was definitely losing the appeal. After yesterday, I was willing to entertain some very weird shit, like that three of my classmates were alien spies keeping an eye on me ¨C but it doesn¡¯t mean I have to take this attitude lying down.


    ¡°Asshole.¡± Shelly added and looked at Tamara. ¡°So Hanna¡¯s like a princess?¡± Now, everyone looked very awkward. ¡°Is princess like a slur in space?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s more that¡­¡± Tamara started. ¡°Jonny, you have no tact, you explain.¡±


    ¡°Fuck you, Tam.¡± He said. ¡°You explain it.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to get into that.¡± Tom said.


    ¡°Fuck you too.¡± Jonny said, he looked at all of us, then focused on me. ¡°The thing is¡­ we¡¯re not sure what you¡¯re for.¡± He said.


    ¡°What am I for?¡± I asked, baffled.


    ¡°People are not ¡®for¡¯ stuff, Tom,¡± Shelly said. ¡°That¡¯s reductive.¡±


    They all exchanged looks, so I exchanged looks with Shelly, who shrugged.


    Tom elbowed Jonny, who didn¡¯t look very enthusiastic about saying anything more. ¡°You¡¯re all ridiculous.¡± Tamara said.


    ¡°You really want to discuss all of this?¡± Jonny said. ¡°Out here in the open? We¡¯re about two minutes from someone coming over to lean in and ask if we are bothering the class''s main fap fodder and her girlfriend.¡±


    Shelly looked embarrassed, I could only imagine the shed of red I took on. ¡°I¡¯m actually straight.¡± I said in a low voice.


    The three of them looked at me and then started laughing. ¡°Ho,¡± Tamara said. ¡°That¡¯s a good one.¡±


    ¡°She is.¡± Shelly said, with maybe a slight disgruntlement in her voice.


    ¡°Right, sure.¡± Tom said.


    ¡°Okay. Plan.¡± Tamara said, punching into an open hand. ¡°After school, my house?¡±


    ¡°To do what?¡± Tom asked.


    ¡°A proper briefing.¡± She said. ¡°I¡¯m sick of having to sneak around you, so we¡¯re all going to sit down, talk out protocols and¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not coming.¡± I said.


    ¡°What?¡± Tamara looked confused for some reason. ¡°Why?¡±


    ¡°Because I don¡¯t need this in my life right now.¡± I said. ¡°Dealing with Mom is bad enough, I don¡¯t need all¡­¡± my arms waved around. ¡°Whatever you are.¡±


    ¡°What about if we find where your mom went?¡± Jonny asked.


    I crossed my hand on my chest. ¡°Don¡¯t you know already?¡± I asked.


    ¡°She isn¡¯t the easiest person to track.¡± He said. ¡°Especially if she doesn¡¯t want to be tracked.¡±


    ¡°Here¡¯s the deal.¡± Shelly said. ¡°We come. You tell Hanna everything you know about her mom and where she is. Then maybe we talk about facilitating your creepy stalking whatever it is you do.¡± She looked at all of them. ¡°Deal?¡±


    ¡°Deal.¡± Tamara said before the other two could say anything.


    ¡°Then we¡¯re done.¡± Shelly hooked her arm on mine. ¡°Good day.¡± She said and pulled me away.


    We made it right out of earshot and line of sight when we just started giggling hysterically. ¡°What were you thinking?¡± I managed to ask between giggles, trying to get a hold of myself.


    Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She said in between giggles.


    It took us another minute to get a hold of ourselves. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you just made that call for me.¡± I said.


    ¡°Would you have?¡± She asked. I wasn¡¯t sure if she was asking if I would do the same for her or if I would do that if she didn¡¯t. So, I just made a face. ¡°Don¡¯t give me that.¡± She said. ¡°This way we at least get some idea what¡¯s going on with your mom.¡±


    ¡°My mom,¡± I said. ¡°Mine. It should be¡­¡±


    ¡°Hanna,¡± she interrupted me. ¡°Who took me to get my ears pierced? Who scared the pharmacist to death to get me anti-pregnancy pills to help me regulate my period?¡± She crossed her arms. ¡°It sure wasn¡¯t my mom. So yes, she might be your mom, but she¡¯s a part of my life just the same, ok?¡±


    ¡°Ok.¡± I said. I scratched the back of my head. I was being a bit of an asshole about all this. It wasn¡¯t the easiest thing to deal with to begin with, so I keep making this about just me, when it isn¡¯t. I bit my lip and nodded. ¡°Sorry.¡±


    ¡°Apology accepted.¡± She said and hugged me. ¡°Want to show me how sorry you are?¡±


    ¡°Shelly¡­¡± I broke off from her. ¡°Really?¡± She shrugged. ¡°Wait,¡± my mind went in another direction. ¡°Did Jonny actually call me the class''s fap fodder?¡±


    ¡°I think he was talking about me.¡± She said with a smile and looked me up and down. ¡°No, sorry, that was definitely you. Have you looked in the mirror recently, girl? You¡¯re hot.¡± And I was blushing again.


    ¡°No,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m not.¡± Shelly rolled her eyes and walked me back to class just before the bell rang. The rest of the day might as well have happened to someone else, because I wasn¡¯t there. My body might have been, but I wasn¡¯t. I didn¡¯t even notice that classes were done until Shelly came and pulled me up.


    ¡°Time to go home.¡± She said.


    ¡°You aren¡¯t going to leave me alone, ha?¡± I asked as I grabbed my stuff and left the classroom.


    ¡°Not until things will sort out a bit.¡± She said. We walked home together, not really talking about anything. At some point, I wrapped my hand around her waist and rested my head on her shoulder. ¡°You keep acting like this,¡± she said. ¡°People will get ideas.¡±


    ¡°You really think anyone thinks you¡¯re my girlfriend?¡± I asked.


    There was an awkward silence. ¡°Ah¡­¡± Shelly begun. ¡°I might have been fanning that rummer a teensy bit.¡±


    I broke off from her and came to block her way. ¡°You did what!?¡± I cried.


    ¡°People were already sort of saying that.¡± She said, trying to look innocent. ¡°So, I might have said things to people that didn¡¯t confirm but highly insinuated¡­¡±


    ¡°Why would you do that?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Ah¡­¡± She looked awkward and red and guilty. ¡°You know boys are not exactly blind and¡­¡± She took a deep breath. ¡°I was afraid you might hit off with one of them, and then we won¡¯t hang out as much¡­ and I kind of can¡¯t stand the idea of you kissing some guy.¡± Rather than kissing her, was the part she didn¡¯t say.


    ¡°So, you basically told everyone I¡¯m gay?¡± I asked. ¡°Behind my back.¡± The fact that it meant she outed herself to about half the class, despite not telling her parents, did not click with me at that moment. Later, I¡¯ll feel like an asshole.


    ¡°You¡¯re saying that like it¡¯s something wrong!¡± She yelled back at me.


    ¡°For you, there¡¯s nothing wrong with it. You¡¯re gay!¡± I yelled. ¡°I¡¯m not!¡±


    ¡°Keep telling yourself that,¡± she said, almost crying. ¡°Maybe it¡¯ll come true.¡±


    ¡°Why can¡¯t you accept that I love you in other ways?¡± I asked.


    ¡°Because that¡¯s the way I love you!¡± She cried, there were tears running down her cheeks.


    ¡°Shelly¡­¡± I really didn¡¯t know what to say. I was upset and angry, and I wanted to hug her, and probably also punch her, and I really didn¡¯t have the bandwidth to deal with this right now. So, I ran, leaving her behind. I didn¡¯t really stop until I could see our house, and then I slowed down to a walk as I came up the driveway. Dad was standing, shirtless, at the front of the house with a nail gun and a pile of lumber, patching up the big hole in the side of the living room. The bodies were gone. I don¡¯t know what he did with them, and I didn¡¯t want to ask.


    ¡°Hay baby girl,¡± he said as he noticed me coming. ¡°How was school?¡± Then he looked at me. ¡°Not great, ha?¡±


    ¡°Dad,¡± I sat down on the ground in front of him, hugging my legs. ¡°Between yesterday and now, someone broke into our house and threatened to kill me; I found out Mom¡¯s an alien super soldier; our house got trashed; it turns out that the creepy kids in the class are actually alien spies keeping an eye on me¡­¡± I took a deep breath. ¡°And my best friend was going around behind my back telling stories about me so boys would keep away from me.¡± I teared up on that.


    Dad put down the nail gun and came to sit next to me. I laid my head on his shoulder, and he put his hand on my shoulder. He was a bit sweaty, but I didn¡¯t mind. ¡°You know,¡± he said. ¡°I¡¯m sort of happy Shelly drove away all the boys. Speared me from having the Shovel Talk with any of them.¡±


    I lifted my head. ¡°Dad!¡± I knew he was trying to diffuse with levity, but it wasn¡¯t funny.


    ¡°Imagine what your mom will do to them if they¡¯d break your heart.¡± He said. Two days ago, that would have been a joke. I¡¯d say Mom would give them a talking or something. After yesterday, maybe they¡¯d also end up under a boulder in the woods.


    ¡°That¡¯s not funny.¡± I said and laid my head on his shoulder again.


    ¡°You¡¯ll make up with Shelly.¡± He said. ¡°Whatever she did, she did because she cares about you.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s sort of the problem.¡± I said and sniffled. As I said that, I was also beginning to realize what all of that meant for Shelly, and I wasn¡¯t feeling so great about how I responded.


    Dad shrugged. ¡°We often hurt the people we love the most.¡± He said. ¡°I¡¯m not going to tell you how to feel. But you know Shelly since kindergarten, and separating you two requires industrial equipment.¡± I half smiled at that. ¡°Give it a while, then talk to her.¡± He looked down the path. ¡°Or a minute.¡±


    ¡°What?¡± I asked and turned my head. Shelly was slowly making her way up the driveway.


    ¡°Hey.¡± She said when she got to us, stopping a short distance away.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk to you right now.¡± I said, not looking at her. Dad looked very awkward and not sure if he¡¯s supposed to be there. But he stayed sitting with me.


    ¡°So¡­ I got some things to say.¡± She also wasn¡¯t looking at me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She said. ¡°It was stupid, and selfish, and stupid, and I shouldn¡¯t have done it.¡± I was looking at her through the corner of my eye. She wasn¡¯t sure where to put her hands and kept chewing her lip. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She said again. ¡°I don¡¯t know why I kept doing that¡­ I sort of like the idea people would think we¡¯re together and¡­¡± She lost her trail of thought. ¡°I¡¯m just sorry, okay?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± I said, looking at her feet. ¡°It¡¯s not okay¡­¡± I sighed. ¡°Could you sit down?¡± She did, nudging herself next to us between the piles of wood. I looked at her general direction. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I overreacted.¡± I took a deep breath. ¡°And I¡¯m sorry I made you feel like I¡­¡± I stopped and tried to rearrange the words in my head.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± She said.


    ¡°I¡¯m still angry.¡± I said.


    ¡°Do you want me to go?¡± She asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I said.


    Dad got up. ¡°I¡¯ve been out here for a while.¡± He said. ¡°And I need a drink. You girls want anything?¡±


    ¡°Rum.¡± Shelly said. I half giggled at that.


    ¡°No.¡± He said on the spot. ¡°Anything age-appropriate? Or that we might have in the house?¡± Mom and Dad didn¡¯t drink, not in the house anyway.


    ¡°I could use some water.¡± I said.


    ¡°One pitcher of water coming up.¡± He said and stepped into the house.


    ¡°You want me to go with you to Tamara?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Could I stop you?¡± I asked.


    ¡°If you say you don¡¯t want me there.¡± She said. ¡°I won¡¯t go.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to go there alone.¡± I said.


    ¡°You want to yell at me a bit more first?¡± She asked with half a smile. ¡°It might help.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re so stupid sometimes.¡± I said and hugged her.


    ¡°I never actually told anyone you¡¯re my girlfriend.¡± She said, hugging me back. ¡°Just said things that will make them come to that conclusion.¡±


    ¡°It was still an asshole thing to do.¡± I said. Pulling back.


    ¡°I know.¡± She said, suppressing a sniffle with her hand. ¡°You want me to clear it up tomorrow?¡± She asked. ¡°If you want, I¡¯ll stand in front of the entire class and tell them.¡±


    I wiped a tear off her cheek. ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± I said. ¡°But thank you for offering.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± She said.


    I grabbed the back of her head and brought our foreheads to touch. ¡°I¡¯m still going to be upset for a while.¡± I said.


    ¡°But?¡± She asked.


    ¡°You¡¯re still my best friend,¡± I said and pulled back. ¡°Even if you¡¯re a selfish idiot, that should have known better sometimes.¡± We both smiled at each other.


    ¡°Is it safe to come out now?¡± Dad called from the kitchen.


    ¡°In a moment,¡± Shelly called. ¡°We¡¯re making out.¡±


    ¡°Asshole.¡± I elbowed her, and we both giggled as Dad came out with some water. He was wearing a shirt now.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± he said as he let down the tray with the glasses and pitcher. ¡°My hands were busy. Otherwise, I¡¯d bring the camera.¡±


    ¡°Dad!¡± I cried at him. Sometimes he¡¯s such a dad, it¡¯s annoying.


    After that, we helped Dad with the wall. It looked like crap, but at least there wasn¡¯t a hole in the front of the house. ¡°Once your mom¡¯s back,¡± Dad said, like she was just out shopping or something. ¡°We¡¯ll figure out how we want to go about properly fixing it.¡±


    ¡°Sure Dad.¡± I said. ¡°When she¡¯s back.¡±


    I hate lying to Dad. But I did when we left for Tamara. Technically, I didn¡¯t lie to him, Shelly did, I just didn¡¯t tell the truth. I think he¡¯d insisted on coming with if I told him where we were going, and I just didn¡¯t want to deal with that. Also, he had to go pick up Grandma. I didn¡¯t really want to deal with any of this. What I really wanted was to crawl into my bed, ignore the world until Mom got back, then yell at her for two hours straight, and then sleep for a week.


    But rather than doing something sensible like that, I was knocking on the door of Tamara¡¯s house. She actually invited me over multiple times, but I never came. I was always afraid I¡¯d find some creepy stalker shrine with photos of me or something. Might still find something like that; who knows how much of what they told me was true? Maybe she was actually working with the people that came into our house yesterday? I really didn¡¯t want to spin further into that. I grabbed Shelly¡¯s hand, we exchanged smiles. So what we have is not romantic, as much as she¡¯d like it to be, but we are still there for each other.


    Tamara opened the door. ¡°Ho,¡± she said. ¡°You actually came.¡± Almost like she was surprised I did that. ¡°Come in.¡± We did. Her house was arranged more or less like ours. The entire street was just a copy-paste of the same design. But the inside was a bit different, with lots of earth tones. There were a lot of shelves, some with books, but most of them with small sculptures. Jonny and Tom were sitting on two low sofas in the living room, and a screen was erected next to the stairs. ¡°Told you she¡¯d come.¡± She said.


    ¡°Your parents around?¡± I asked.


    ¡°My colleagues are out trying to track your mom.¡± She said, almost dismissively. ¡°I don¡¯t know when they¡¯ll come back.¡±


    ¡°Colleagues¡­¡± I said. ¡°Right.¡± I met Tamara¡¯s parents; they were old, while she looked my age.


    ¡°Sit.¡± She shepherded me to the sofa in front of the screen and went to turn off the light. She was way too enthusiastic about this. A projector turned on somewhere, although I didn¡¯t see one when we came in and lit the screen. ¡°I made a presentation.¡±


    ¡°A presentation?¡± I was really trying to take this in stride.


    ¡°Let her,¡± Tom said. ¡°She¡¯s been working at it since you said you¡¯d come.¡± I nodded. I had no idea how that actually worked, she was in class with me for the rest of the day, and there wasn¡¯t that much time since we left school.


    ¡°Sure.¡± I said. Definitely not sure about any of this.


    The first slide came on. It had Mom in uniform that looked like none I¡¯d ever seen. There was some information next to that. But it was entirely useless. Place of birth ¨C unknown. Name at birth ¨C unknown. Age ¨C five thousand years (speculated). I was holding myself from laughing. But I had a stupid smile as I looked at Tom, who rolled his eyes, then Jonny, who shrugged, and then Tamara, who looked a bit dismayed. ¡°I know,¡± she said. ¡°It looks stupid. But that¡¯s from the actual file we have on her, we just don¡¯t know a lot about who she is.¡± She put on the next slide, it was still the photo of Mom, but with different statistics. Kill count, which was given in scientific notation. Rank, which told me nothing. Some other stuff that told me less than nothing. She was apparently in a committed relationship with two people who weren¡¯t Dad. ¡°We know more about what she did and where she was.¡± She flipped another slide; there was a nice transition animation, and a list of names, of what I assumed were places, began to scroll down.


    Whatever that was about, Tamara didn¡¯t get to say because there was a knock on the door. We all looked at each other. ¡°You expecting anyone else?¡± I asked.


    Tamara shook her head and went towards the door. She suddenly had a gun in her hand, a crazy-looking alien gun. Jonny also moved towards the door, taking position in an angle anyone entering would not be able to see. He also, suddenly, had a weird-looking gun in his hand. Tom, somewhat to my surprise, moved to be in the way between the us and door. Shelly grabbed on me.


    Tamara opened the door, her gun hidden behind her, only a crack, then, startled, moved back, her gun vanishing from her hand. ¡°Hi, Pratima,¡± I could hear Mom¡¯s voice. ¡°Is my daughter there?¡± I could not see Tom¡¯s face, but Jonny was clearly terrified, slowly putting down his gun and stepping backward, although Mom couldn¡¯t see him. Mom opened the door and came in, not waiting for an invitation. She was still dressed like she was when she left. Combat boots, cargo pants, tank top, denim jacket. The pants and jacket were a bit dirtier, but nothing more than that. Tamara stepped back, slowly. ¡°What are you all doing?¡± Mom asked. Another step in, she could see the screen. ¡°Ho, good!¡± She walked over, bypassing Tom, and came to sit next to me and Shelly. ¡°That¡¯s going to save me some explanations. Who¡¯s presenting?¡±


    No one was talking for a moment. ¡°Tamara.¡± Shelly finally managed to say.


    ¡°Makes sense,¡± Mom leaned back, like we were all there to watch a movie. ¡°Pratima, you want to continue?¡± She asked. ¡°I¡¯ll correct you when you¡¯ll get something wrong.¡±


    I looked at Tamara. She looked like a small animal in the middle of the road, in front of a car with high beams hurling towards it. ¡°Mom,¡± I said, putting my hand on hers. ¡°Maybe we should go home?¡±


    ¡°You sure you don¡¯t want to hear their version?¡± She asked.


    ¡°We can do that some other time.¡± I said. ¡°I think Dad¡¯s worried about you.¡± I stood up. Shelly remained seated. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡±


    Mom stood up. ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± She said. ¡°And in any case, Pratima needs to spell-check the presentation.¡± Tamara still looked like she was caught in the high beams.


    ¡°I¡¯m going to stay.¡± Shelly said. ¡°I¡¯ll swing by¡­¡±


    ¡°Tomorrow.¡± I said. ¡°After school.¡± Shelly gave me a look, I gave her one back. I know what she was trying to say with hers, I was trying to reply with mine. We had a few of those back-and-forth.


    ¡°Fine.¡± Shelly eventually said. I nodded and walked out with Mom.


    She and I walked home quietly. It was not a long walk, but it sure felt like it was. I had so many questions and things I wanted to say. But I wanted to be home first and not where the entire neighborhood would hear me.


    The woman next to me didn¡¯t walk like Mom did, but maybe it was just the fact she wasn¡¯t in the high heels Mom always wore. But there was something else, a bit of a swagger that wasn¡¯t there. It wasn¡¯t the confidence, Mom always oozed confidence. It was more aggressiveness - this woman would kill, and she radiated it. I didn¡¯t feel at ease next to her¡­ I wanted my mom back.


    She didn¡¯t comment on the patch at the front of the house, and just went straight to the door. As we came in, Dad noticed us and stood up. He was sitting in the still-gutted living room. ¡°Am.¡± He said.


    ¡°Hi,¡± Mom said. Something in her voice sounded softer than how it sounded in Tamara¡¯s. ¡°You fixed the wall.¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t like the breeze.¡± Dad said. He had an odd smile on his face. ¡°I think we¡¯ll need to renovate most of the bottom floor.¡±


    ¡°Can we just¡­ move?¡± Mom asked, she sounded like herself now. ¡°I hate dealing with contractors, and you know I¡¯ll be the one stuck with dealing with them day-to-day.¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ll figure something out.¡± Dad reached out to Mom¡¯s cheek, then they kissed for a moment. ¡°My mom is upstairs; she was a bit exhausted, so she¡¯s taking a nap. To be frank, I¡¯m also a bit exhausted. How about take-out tonight?¡±


    ¡°Dumplings?¡± Mom asked, Dad made a face.


    ¡°You know they don¡¯t deliver.¡± Mom made a head gesture toward me, and Dad raised an eyebrow. I didn¡¯t see what Mom¡¯s facial response was, but he rolled his eyes. ¡°Fine,¡± he said, exasperated. ¡°The usual?¡±


    ¡°That would be great.¡± Mom said, Dad nodded and headed towards the door.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be back in a¡­¡± He started. ¡°When I¡¯ll be back, I hope they aren¡¯t busy tonight.¡± He went out.


    I waited a moment. ¡°Cowered.¡± I said.


    Mom turned to me. ¡°No.¡± She said, the softness leaving her voice. ¡°He isn¡¯t, and you won¡¯t call him that.¡±


    I crossed my arms on my chest. ¡°He didn¡¯t say anything.¡± I said. ¡°He¡¯s acting like nothing happened.¡±


    ¡°He¡¯s acting like a parent in an overwhelming situation trying to be strong for his child.¡± Mom said.


    ¡°I can¡­¡± I started.


    ¡°I need to change.¡± Mom said and began to walk up the stairs, then stopped. ¡°You coming?¡± I nodded and followed her up; we both kept quiet in the hallway so as not to wake Grandma up and then into their bedroom. Mom began undressing already in the hallway. She was naked by the time she made it to the door of their ensuite bathroom, dumping her clothes in the laundry bin, and walked into the shower. I remained at the door to the bathroom. ¡°You criticized your dad for not saying anything.¡± Mom said and turned on the water. ¡°You want to say something? Or is it just the silent treatment?¡±


    ¡°I¡­¡± I began. Seeing Mom naked under the water was very distracting, so I turned to the side. I was not even sure where to start. ¡°Are you really five thousand years old?¡± I asked.


    Mom laughed. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± She said. ¡°How do you count that? Since I was born? How many years I lived? How many years I experienced?¡± All of those sounded the same to me. ¡°I¡¯m probably more and less than that at the same time.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t understand.¡± I admitted.


    Mom turned off the water and came out, her skin glistening. I was happy Shelly wasn¡¯t here ¨C her jaw would have gone through the floor. She got the towel and began to dry, but not cover, herself. ¡°A lot of things about me are a bit complicated.¡± She said. ¡°Maybe you should have stayed for the briefing. Pratima could have probably explained more of this in ways that you¡¯d understand better.¡±


    ¡°Why do you call her like that?¡± I asked.


    Mom shrugged and came out of the bathroom. ¡°Because that¡¯s her name,¡± She said. ¡°Pratima Gratia.¡±


    ¡°Ah¡­¡± I didn¡¯t even consider that Tamara was not her real name. Mom was beginning to get dressed, and I sat on their bed. ¡°Will I ever understand all of this?¡±


    Mom shrugged as she looked for a dress. ¡°Do you really need to?¡± She asked.


    ¡°Don¡¯t I?¡± I asked.


    ¡°You¡¯ll never need to deal with any of that.¡± Mom said.


    ¡°I just had to deal with it yesterday!¡± I erupted.


    ¡°And hopefully, it will be the last time.¡± She said.


    ¡°Mom,¡± I took a breath. ¡°If that man wouldn¡¯t have tried to kill me, would you have told me any of this?¡±


    ¡°No.¡± She said, pulling out a dress, a short flowery one. That and her lace underwear were all she¡¯d wear. No bra, no pantihose, no shirt. Things just set on her perfectly, and she never cared if anyone saw anything. She didn¡¯t care about exposing herself physically, but apparently, telling me things about herself was too much.


    ¡°Mom,¡± I leaned forward, supporting my head on my hand with my elbows on my knees. ¡°Why are you here?¡±


    Mom stopped midway through sorting her dress and looked at me. ¡°That is very philosophical.¡± She said.


    ¡°Here,¡± I said. ¡°On this planet, in this house.¡± I got off my hand and waved them as I spoke. ¡°You¡¯re like this super important person up there, so important there are three people in my school to spy on me just because¡­¡±


    ¡°Five.¡± Mom said.


    ¡°What?¡± I lost my train of thought.


    ¡°There are five people in your school.¡± Mom said. ¡°There is also your history teacher and the nurse.¡±


    ¡°Great¡­¡± I mumbled. ¡°So five people are spying on me. Tom and Jonny said you¡¯re going to be Queen of Space or something¡­ So why are you here? Why did you have me?¡± I took a deep breath. ¡°What am I for?¡±


    Mom ignored me for a moment, looking at the mirror and straightening her dress. No makeup, nothing with her hair ¨C and she looked great. I needed half an hour just to look presentable. ¡°You¡¯re not for anything.¡± She eventually said. ¡°I made you because I wanted to have you.¡±


    ¡°You just made sure I wasn¡¯t special.¡± I said, trying to look defiant.


    Mom came over and sat next to me. ¡°Because I made it so you won¡¯t have powers?¡± She asked. I nodded. "Hanna, dear, why would you ever need powers? Are you going to be fighting evil by moonlight?¡± I opened my mouth and closed it. I didn¡¯t really think about that.


    ¡°Are you never going back there?¡± I asked.


    Mom laughed. ¡°Honey,¡± she said. ¡°I never left.¡± As Mom was sitting next to me, another her just stood up from her, walked around me, and sat on the other side of me. I turned my head back and forth. There were two of her, and then one of them waved her hand and vanished. ¡°It¡¯s hard for this version of me to do that for long.¡± She said.


    ¡°So you¡¯re¡­¡± I wasn¡¯t even sure what I was talking about.


    ¡°I¡¯m here,¡± she said. ¡°And I¡¯m there.¡± She shrugged with one shoulder. ¡°It¡¯s just who I am.¡± Her comment about time experienced began to make more sense now, it¡¯s just that nothing else made sense anymore.


    ¡°Until you won¡¯t be.¡± I said.


    ¡°That¡¯s still a few years in the future.¡± She said. ¡°I haven¡¯t decided when.¡±


    My mind went back. ¡°This is your vacation?¡± I wasn¡¯t sure if I was saying or asking. ¡°Playing house, having a family¡­¡± She didn¡¯t contradict me, and the realization was sending shivers down my spine. ¡°Is it just a game for you?¡±


    Mom looked straight at me, not blinking, not flinching at the accusation. ¡°Yes.¡± She said, point blank. For a moment there, I couldn¡¯t breathe.


    ¡°Does Dad know?¡± I asked. There were so many other questions I had, but somehow, that was the only one that made it out of my mouth.


    Mom shrugged. ¡°I told him when I picked him up.¡± Dad liked to tell how Mom made the first move ¡ªthat she told him straight up they were going to move together and have a girl. That part he never told. ¡°I don¡¯t think he fully processed it.¡±


    I bit my lower lip. ¡°Did you ever going to tell me that?¡± I asked.


    ¡°I just did.¡± She said.


    ¡°And if I wouldn¡¯t have asked?¡± The emotions were bubbling in me, and I had no idea how I was feeling, but I was definitely feeling.


    Mom shrugged again and got up. ¡°Let¡¯s go set the table.¡± She said.


    ¡°I don¡¯t want to set the table!¡± I yelled as I stood up. ¡°I want to¡­¡±


    ¡°You want to mean something?¡± Mom asked. There was something insulting in her tone.


    ¡°Yes!¡± I cried.


    ¡°Then you¡¯re a fool.¡± Mom said and began to walk out of the bedroom, me behind her. She didn¡¯t say anything until we got to the kitchen. She began to set a table on the island. ¡°Hanna,¡± Mom said. ¡°My greatest gift to you is to be nothing.¡± I blinked at that. I just stood there, staring at her as she put out plates and utensils. ¡°You have no idea the heartache, the pain, and the misery you¡¯re speared of¡­ and I would rather that you don¡¯t know.¡± I managed to get myself to sit down, back on the chair where the man set me down, and put a knife to my throat. ¡°You will live a peaceful life of reasonable comfort. You will not have to fight unless you choose to. You will not have to kill, unless you choose to.¡± She brought up a water carafe out of the fridge and put it on the table. ¡°Life that I will never have and have never known.¡± She looked me straight in the eye. ¡°And I don¡¯t care if you resent me for that.¡±


    Mom sat down on the other side of the island. I was not sure what to say to that, I just looked at my hands. Eventually, Dad came back, and Shelly showed up, and Grandma came down, and we all had dinner together. Mom and Dad were talking as if things were normal.


    Things were not normal.


    But I was meant to be.