《Twisted Bonds》


 Chapter 1

    "Alright..." The therapist, Dr- something or other- began, clearing his throat, his gaze flicking between Lily and me, "I''m sure that by now you girls already know what I''m about to say, and I understand it isn''t exactly something you two want to be doing, but-"


    I cut him off. "No, I won''t do it. I''m sick and tired of this stupid ''exercise'' of yours, it never helps, it upsets Lily and sets me off. So what if you say we''re ''codependent''? You don''t get it, and you never will, nobody will."


    Lily squeezed my hand tighter, her innocent blue eyes met mine and she shuffled somehow closer to me on the plush couch. She was getting anxious, and anxious wasn''t a look I ever wanted to see on her face again. I made a promise back then, a promise to keep her safe, what kind of friend would I be if I stopped now?


    "I understand why you feel that way, Emily, but-"


    "No." I cut him off again, "No, you don''t understand, stop pretending you do, you''ll never understand. You weren''t there, you never met her, never had to spend your days locked away in a basement wondering if you''ll get food today, wondering if you''ll be punished or forgotten. Don''t fucking tell me you understand!"


    He sighed silently, facing away from us so that we wouldn''t see, but I did, and I think Lily did too. It would make sense if she did; reading body language, and noticing patterns in behaviour, that''s something we had to get very good at very quickly if we wanted to get by unscathed.


    Speaking of Lily... My attention instinctively zoned in on her once again. I know she always told me it was different when I yelled but... I couldn''t help but worry about her reaction anyway. Our ankles were locked around each other''s, and her fingers intertwined with mine as she huddled as close as possible to me. Thank God I didn''t scare her. I kept a gentle yet tight hold of her hand in my right, while my left hand wrapped around her pale shoulders comfortingly.


    She peeked out from behind her light blonde hair, meeting my gaze once again. She doesn''t talk much in therapy- or anywhere else where other people are around, for that matter, but she didn''t need to, I knew what she was trying to convey. Neither of us wanted to do this.


    The small, yellow clock on the wall ticked softly, counting the seconds and filling the silence, before the therapist spoke again, "You''re right, Emily, I wasn''t there. What you girls went through is something no child- or adult for that matter, should ever have to deal with." He conceded, pushing his glasses up onto his square nose, "When I said I understand, what I meant was that I empathise with the two of you. Now, I know that you, Emily, are not one for sympathy, or ''pity'' as you refer to it, and that isn''t what I am trying to do here. You two have been seeing me for five years now, and both of you have come so far in that time. I''m not trying to make either of you uncomfortable, but you must understand that sometimes, in order for the wound to heal, you have to remove the band-aid."


    I don''t answer. There''s nothing I could say. I knew he was right- or at least I assumed he was, he had a licence for this crap after all, but that didn''t mean I had to like it, and it certainly didn''t mean I would put Lily''s comfort at stake for a silly exercise. Taking Lily with me, I leaned back on the couch, looking away from him and around the open yet suffocating room. Lily tried to meet my gaze, but, for the moment, I couldn''t. With a gentle squeeze of my hand, I reassured her I was still there for her, and attempted to gather my scattered thoughts.


    Habitually, sable eyes fixed onto the light, greyish-blue fabric of my hoodie sleeve, tracing with my eyes alone the scars hiding underneath, marring my darkish skin like the strokes of a cruel artist''s brush on a once perfectly blank canvas. I didn''t need to be able to see them to know where they were, I knew well the location of each and every one, both on my and Lily''s bodies.


    Lily''s hand left mine and found its way to my knee, forcing me to look at her. Her eyes searched mine and her features softened. "I''m fine, kid." I muttered quietly, not that I thought she believed me, the look on her face spoke volumes. We sat there for a full minute in complete silence except for the quiet ticking of the clock or the occasional sounds of other people outside finishing up their sessions and leaving the building. The therapist didn''t interrupt, he knew us well at this point, even if I didn''t want to admit it. He knew our trauma and our coping mechanisms. He knew things Lily''s folks didn''t, he knew how we both ticked, which was a level of vulnerability that I really wasn''t comfortable with. Still, I could appreciate the occasional benefits that arose from it. Being allowed to just sit in silence, blocking out the rest of the world... It sounds a little pointless, but it was something we both needed.


    "Fine." I relented, turning back to the ageing features of the therapist. "But only if Lily''s okay with it."


    He nodded and looked back over at Lily with soft yet questioning eyes, who, in response, unintentionally dug her painted fingernails into my knee for stability. I winced slightly and she immediately glanced down at her hand. Upon realising what she was doing, her face contorted with guilt. She offered me an ''I''m so sorry'' look, quickly removing her claws from my skin and throwing her arms around me.


    "It''s fine, kid, you didn''t mean to," I said, rubbing her back, tracing circles into her shirt. "You down to give this another try? I''ll be right outside the door, I won''t leave, I promise."


    Her grip on me tightened, and she looked down, scuffing her shoes against the worn cream-coloured carpet. Eventually, she looked back up at me, giving me a tiny, nervous smile, then turned back to the therapist and answered his silent question with her own silent nod.


    "Thank you, Lily." He said softly as she buried her face into my shoulder, taking deep, predatory breaths. "I understand neither of you like this exercise... but it is important, you are both so incredibly brave, just ten seconds, then, we can debrief and call it a day."


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    Lily slowly sat back, her hand reluctantly leaving mine, while I offered the therapist a small nod. 10 seconds, I can do that- Lily can do that, we''ve been separated for much longer before. Then again, the thought of leaving Lily not alone, but alone with another person, even one I know well, it put a bad taste in my mouth. "Okay..." I breathed out, running a hand through my textured hair, "You ready, kid?"


    She hesitated, those endless pools of blue she calls eyes looking me over, reading my thoughts, then she nodded again, but only once this time, with a worried smile.


    I stood up, leaving Lily sitting on the couch, already feeling the need to reach out and take her hand, the need to keep her safe from the monsters out there who would hurt her. "Thank you, girls. Emily, I''m going to ask you to stand outside the door, just for ten seconds, that''s all, then you can come back in. Lily, we are going to stay together, and focus on your breathing, just like we practised, okay?"


    "Yeah, yeah, sure, we know the drill, doc." I said, looking Lily over once more and giving her a slight smile and making my way to the door.


    My hand hesitated on the metal door handle for a moment, that instinct I''ve had since I was eleven-years-old, the one telling me to protect Lily and keep her safe no matter what, already flooding my mind. She''ll be fine, I reminded myself, she''s strong. We''ve survived hell on earth together, we can survive five seconds of being separated by a door.


    Shoving the thoughts aside, at least for the moment, I opened the door and stepped out into the scarily empty hall. I don''t know what it is about therapy buildings but there is an eerie quality to them. The rooms themselves are so bright and ''welcoming'', like stepping into a hug or something equally trapping, but the halls connecting them are just- dead. There was nobody out there but me. There was little furniture, and it was so quiet that you could have heard a dropped feather hitting the scratchy carpet, and the flickering overhead lights only added to the haunted vibe.


    It reminded me of those clich¨¦ horror movies Vanessa used to put on to cover up the sounds of our screams. The ones that take place in some abandoned mansion or castle or some other corny bullshit, where the characters split up and die because of it.


    "You sure you''re ready kid?" I asked, turning back to look at Lily, her fists already tightly gripping the seat of the couch. The therapist sat next to her, keeping a respectable distance while still being there to do my job, to be a person she can lean on. Her tiny, albeit hesitant, nod was the confirmation I needed, and I closed the door, hearing the small click as it sealed, separating us. Ten seconds, we can do this...


    One. Silence, just me, my thoughts and this empty hallway.


    Two. I could hear the therapist uttering praise and words of assurance to Lily.


    Three. Lily''s breathing was picking up- what''s going on? Is she okay?


    Four. My hand finds the door handle, my own breathing picking up as I heard Lily''s muffled tear-filled whispers. What if she''s hurt? I can''t do this, I have to keep her safe, I have to go back.


    Five. My hand came away from the door. No, we needed to do this, I needed to do this.


    Six. The muffled voices from inside the office got louder, Lily was upset, and the therapist was reminding her to breathe.


    Seven. My heart pounded in my chest as if I had run a marathon. She''s upset, she can''t be upset!


    Eight. Once again, my hand found its way to the handle. She needs me, I need her.


    Nine. This has to have been the longest ten seconds of my life. Why is it taking so long?!


    Ten. "Emily!" Lily''s voice rang out the moment I opened the door. She ran over to me, practically flinging her arms around me, crying into my neck. I returned the gesture, resting my head on her shoulder, my body relaxing in an instant knowing she is back where I can protect her.


    "It''s alright, kid, it''s okay" I said, rubbing her back soothingly and holding her tightly to my body, as if it were the last time I would ever see her. "It''s all over now, we did it."


    The therapist walked the short distance over to us, and had a proud smile plastered firmly on his face. He gestured for us to sit back down, and congratulated us, but I wasn''t really listening. Feeling Lily''s warm body in my arms and being able to smell the sweet coconut scent of her hair, that''s all that mattered to me.


    ----------------¡õ----------------


    "Well, that sucked." Lily exclaimed, flopping down onto the bench outside of the building while we waited for her parents to come pick us up.


    The sight made me chuckle quietly as I moved to join her. "Yeah, tell me about it. Therapy''s a real bitch." I stuck my hand in my pocket, shuffling around until I found the box of cigarettes and a light. Lily''s folks didn''t know I smoked, and I intended to keep it that way- the last thing I needed was to be sat down and lectured at for an hour by two people who are my parents only in legal name.


    As I lit my cigarette, Lily shot me a disapproving glare. She didn''t like it when I smoked either, but she understood my reasoning. "I know, I know. I''m hurting my body. I''ll quit eventually Kid, I promise, just not today."


    She sighed and looked away, leaning her back against my shoulder as I took a drag and she watched the leaves fall from around us. "I just... worry about you, Em, that''s all."


    "You don''t need to worry about me Lily."


    "Maybe not, but I do anyways... You make yourself out to be so strong but-" She trailed off. We both sat there for a while, the smoke entering and exiting my lungs filling me with a sense of calm. The birds chirped around us, and in the park across the street children were playing football, their laughter echoing in the autumn breeze. "Hey, Em?"


    "Yeah, Kid?"


    "Do you... do you ever think about- you know-her?"


    "Who, Vanessa?" I asked, exhaling a plume of smoke, knowing full well that Lily never spoke her name out loud. She nodded.


    I paused, flicking away some Ash. "Sometimes... Why?"


    The back of her head met the side of my own as she leaned back, fidgeting with the sleeves of her shirt, her gaze fixed on some far away point. "I don''t know. I try not to but- it''s hard and," She paused, biting her lip, "and ever since yesterday, I''ve just had this feeling. I- I can''t describe it, it''s just- it feels like she''s still here somehow, watching us... But that''s crazy, right? I mean she''s in prison."


    Her words made me wince internally, the realization that I never got around to telling her what I had discovered last night came rushing back to me at once. How did I forget? I planned on telling her- I guess I just got caught up in everything- still, it''s unlike me, how could I forget to tell her something so vital? I need to stop lying to myself, I didn''t forget, I didn''t want to tell her. Lily has always been so... fragile, even back then, I wanted to protect her but- that''s not my call to make, especially when it comes to this. No, she needed to know.


    With a deep breath, I decided to just get it out of the way, and finally tell Lily the news that had been plaguing my mind all day. "Not to worry you, Kid but I heard she''s out on parole now."

 Chapter 2

    Lily''s whole body tensed in an instant, her eyes practically popping out of her skull.


    "Wha- what do you mean she''s out?" She asked, eyeing me with a mixture of panic and hope, waiting for me to tell her that I was just kidding around. But I wasn''t. I wouldn''t joke about these sorts of things, not ever.


    "I heard your folks talking about it last night." I replied, taking yet another long drag, recounting the conversation I was not supposed to have heard. "Said it was on the news, she was given parole early. They''re making sure the restraining order is still in place as we speak."


    "And that''s supposed to do something?" She asked, her voice grew louder and higher in pitch, "That''s supposed to make me feel better or keep her away or whatever? Come on, Em, you of all people would know-"


    "-Know what? That a piece of paper ain''t gonna do shit to stop her if she chooses to come after us? Yeah, Lily, I know." My tone was sharper than I intended, and I half expected her to flinch or pull away from me, but she got closer instead, burying her face into my shoulder.


    "I''m scared, Em..."


    I didn''t answer, just wrapped an arm around her pale body and held her close to me, squeezing her reassuringly.


    The world around us continued in a haze of autumn sunshine, laughter and noise as we sat silently, two lost, irreparable souls, alone in our plight, the two of us against the world that could never understand- or at the very least a monster in a person''s clothing.


    "We''ll be okay, Kid... I promise... Whatever happens, we have each other, just like always. I mean look at us... We are survivors, Lils, I protected you, and you saved me. She can''t hurt us, not anymore."


    She didn''t answer for a long while, I watched her, wanting nothing more than to wipe that look off her face and make her smile, but that''s wistful speaking. No human could be happy after the news I had given. When she did speak, her voice had a noticeable quiver in it.


    "I can''t go back in that basement, Em" she whispered, watching the park across the road, her eyes wide and had a far-away look to them, "I can''t."


    My heart sank. I opened my mouth ready to offer her some hollow reassurances, to lull her into a sense of safety that I myself didn''t feel and could not promise, but a familiar silver minivan came rolling past us into the car park. I quickly snuffed my cigarette onto the side of the bin and tossed it before the drivers could see, standing up with my arm still wrapped around Lily.


    Lily stood too, a look of pure relief flooding her features as she hurried to the vehicle, leaving me to scurry to catch up to her.


    "Hey girls!" The gratingly cheerful voice of Claire Baker, Lily''s mum, my adoptive mother- on paper only- sounded out as soon as we opened the back door, each of us sliding into our usual seats- Lily on the left and me in the middle seat. It was small and uncomfortable, but the ability to reach and protect Lily made it worth it for me. "How was it?"


    I offered her a dismissive grumble, clicking my seatbelt into place and scooting even closer to Lily. I could see the resigned look in her blue eyes from where she looked at me in the rear-view mirror. She''d long given up on trying to bond with me, I''d made it quite clear from the start that I tolerate their presence for Lily''s sake, but I''m only here because Lily and the government said so, not because I had any interest in playing house.


    Beside her, Martin, Lily''s dad, sat in the passenger seat, his greyish blue eyes meeting his wifes'' for a moment. She simply shook her head wordlessly, her short, light brown bob shifting from side to side with the movement, and began to pull out of the parking space.


    I held Lily close to me and looked out of her window, my eyes scanning the world as it passed. I spared a glance at the gated, brick structure of Ashcroft Secondary School, our school, as we passed it. Lily and I were in year 11, meaning we would be graduating next June, then it would be off to college. I hadn''t given it a single thought, wherever Lily is going, I''ll go, even if I have to scrape by with my less than stellar predicted results... If we get the chance to graduate, that is. With Vanessa supposedly roaming free, there was a solid 50/50 chance, though I wasn''t certain I liked my odds.


    "So," Martin began awkwardly, trying to fill the silence, "Carbonara for dinner tonight?"


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    "Sure, Dad, sounds good." Lily responded flatly, her already quiet voice muffled further by the way she had her face pressed into my shoulder. I nodded too, not really bothered. I''m not a picky eater, I''ll eat anything put Infront of me- literally.


    One time, when I was about five or six, Vanessa had remembered she actually needs to feed the captive child in her basement and offered me some stale, mouldy fruitcake she had sitting out. In her drunken stupor, I doubt she thought I would actually eat it, she just wanted to be cruel, but I did. I ate the entire thing without even bothering to eat around the mould. I was sick for a good day or two after that, not that she gave a shit, I was just left to sit on my own and breath in the smell of my own puke until she gave me the supplies to clean it.


    "Emily?" Claire''s voice cut through my thoughts, bringing me back to the present.


    "Yeah, what?" I asked, gently taking Lily''s outstretched hand, trying not to dwell on my memories.


    "Are you okay, sweetheart? You were staring into space."


    I scoffed quietly, stroking Lily''s hair, not entirely sure if it was for her comfort or my own. "I''m fine, just piss off, Claire."


    The rest of the car ride home was relatively silent and the air felt thick with unspoken words. Lily wrapped her leg around mine and kept her head on my shoulder and her hand in mine, occasionally offering a small but curt and uninterested response when her parents tried to engage her in conversation. Lily wasn''t like me; she knew life before Vanessa, she grew up with these people. She had felt love, felt safety, been able to grow up in an environment where dodging flying bottles and appeasing a demon just to survive wasn''t even a thought in her head up until she was ten and a half.


    She is capable of trust, capable of seeing adults as more than sources of pain and fear. She loves her parents- but she''s angry at them. She didn''t have to say it, I could feel it, and I knew why. She was having the exact same thoughts I was- why were they acting like nothing''s wrong? Why aren''t they telling us about Vanessa? If I hadn''t heard them talking last night, Lily and I would be completely oblivious to the knowledge she was out- ignorant to the inherent danger of the situation we are now in. We should be the first people to know, not the last.


    As soon as the car parked, Lily opened the door and shot straight out, practically dragging me with her, knuckles turning white from how hard she was gripping to my hand as she made a beeline for the house. Without a word, I grabbed my key out of my pocket and handed it to her so she didn''t have to waste time fumbling around in her bag for her own.


    She wasted no time in unlocking the navy-coloured door, closing it in her parents'' face and pulling me into our shared bedroom. The house had three bedrooms, and before I had showed up, Lily had the bedroom to herself while Claire had been using the third room as an office. After Lily and I were rescued and they adopted me, she had offered to turn the office back into a bedroom so I could have my own space, but I had turned them down. I spent seven years alone, when Lily eventually got taken, those eight months we spent together, huddled up under that thin, dirty, moth-eaten blanket in each other''s arms were the first time in my known life that I had felt a sense of stability, no matter how fleeting, and I was in no hurry to lose that. So, we shared the space.


    The room was roughly about 3.5 X 2.9 meters squared, with three of the walls being a plain white while the wall the head rests of our beds pressed against was a light pink colour with some gold flakes dotted around randomly (Lily''s choice). We each had our own beds, mine on the left, Lily''s on the right, though we only ever slept in my bed, it was just routine for both of us at this point, besides, Lily''s bed had so many teddies on it that I doubted she would even be able to fit on her own bed. There a lamp on each of the painted black bedside tables. On my side of the room, next to the door, were our wardrobes, both pink with black doors, and a mirror on one of the two doors on my wardrobe, and a fluffy white circular rug in the centre of the room.


    Lily dropped my hand and perched on the edge of her bed, brushing out her long hair with her fingers like she did when we were kids, her breathing abnormally heavy.


    I sighed and sat down beside her, offering her a small smile as I put my hand on her knee. "You wanna talk about it?" I asked, already knowing her answer.


    "I don''t understand." She started, her fingers fiddling with a crease in the sheets below us. "They''re pretending nothing''s wrong... How can they just act like everything''s normal?"


    "They''re scared, Kid." I replied softly.


    She rolled her eyes, turning her head away from me with a scoff of her own. "Right, because they were the ones who got abducted."


    "That''s not what I meant, and you know it."


    "Sorry, I just- I- ugh! I don''t even know what I am right now!" She exclaimed, her head falling into her hands. "We have a right to know, Emily."


    "I get it, Kid, I really do... But don''t let it tear you apart. They''ll tell us eventually- and even if they don''t, what does it matter? We already know anyway so it''s not like it makes a difference. Besides, it''s my job to keep you safe, not theirs, they''ve already proven that they couldn''t do that six years ago, if they could, we never would''ve met. Vanessa won''t find us, and we won''t let her get to us, okay? We aren''t little kids anymore, we''ll protect each other, yeah?"


    A hesitant smile spread across her face, her eyes meeting mine. "Yeah." She agreed, and I couldn''t help but reach out to ruffle her hair, making her squirm and laugh, swatting me away with a grin. "Stop! You''re messing up my hair!"


    I laughed along with her and pulled away, the sound of her parents coming into the house barely registering to me in the moment. I''ll deal with them later, for now, I have my best friend happily by my side, and there is nothing in the universe more important than that. "We''ll be fine, Kid," I said after a moment, "It''s just me and you against the world, but we have each other, and that''s all I''ll ever need."

 Chapter 3

    Dinner was the same monotonous event it always was. White people, I''ve learnt, really don''t talk much during meals- or maybe they do and this "family" is more broken than I thought¡­


    It was silent save for the quiet clinking and scraping of silverware against plates, and we all sat in our usual places, Claire and Martin sat next to each other, Claire sitting across from her daughter while Martin sat across from me. Lily, of course, sat next to me on my left, sitting so close we were basically sharing a chair.


    "So," Martin spoke, clearing his throat and scratching at his blonde stubble, "Anything interesting happen at school today, girls?¡±


    ¡°No. Nothing.¡± Lily spoke flatly, twirling some pasta around her fork.


    ¡°Well, what classes did you two have?¡± Claire asked after a long pause. Lily and I were in all of the same classes- despite me potentially benefiting from being in a lower set- it was one of the first things Lily¡¯s parents made sure to have put in place when we moved up to secondary school. We had to miss a whole month of year 7 because of all the legal court shit we had to go through, both Vanessa¡¯s trial and my adoption. We sit next to each other too, of course.


    ¡°Science first, then geography, maths, English and P.E last. Riveting shit.¡± I answered with about as much enthusiasm as Lily had, stabbing my fork into my meal and slipping Lily my extra slice of garlic bread without thought when I noticed her eyeing it, smiling slightly at the sight of her face lighting up over such a simple action, happily munching down on the roll.


    More silence.


    I ate about half of the carbonara on my plate, then, like clockwork, stood up with my plate, walked into the kitchen, took a clear Tupperware container out of the cabinet, placing it on the granite-finish counter and scraping the rest of my food into the small plastic tub, making sure to get every single particle of sauce, cheese, bacon, seasoning and pasta, not leaving behind a single scrap.


    My movements were practically robotic, snapping the lid onto the tub and heading straight to our room, opening one of my dresser drawers and hiding the half-eaten pasta under some of my clothes, tossing last week¡¯s meal into the bin on my way back to the table.


    I felt their stares before I saw them. Lily¡¯s parents looked between each other and me as I sat back down, my hand instinctively finding Lily¡¯s.


    Claire sighed, and hesitantly spoke, already bracing for some kind of argument. ¡°Emily, Sweetheart¡­ We¡¯ve had this conversation before¡­¡±


    ¡°We¡¯ve had a lot of conversations over and over on loop, Claire.¡± I bit back, sarcastically ¡°You¡¯ll have to be more specific.¡±


    ¡°The hiding food, Emily.¡± She replied softly, glancing over at Lily for a moment before her dark blue eyes returned to me. ¡°We just want to understand-¡±


    ¡°-Understand what?¡± I interrupted, my voice already raising, ¡°understand why I still feel the need to stash food like a paranoid fucking squirrel? Well, I don¡¯t know, okay? Just drop it!¡±


    ¡°Emily-¡± Martin began, but I interrupted.


    ¡°Don¡¯t, Martin. I¡¯m not in the mood. Neither one of you have room to question me right now.¡±


    Claire¡¯s face flushed slightly. ¡°We¡¯re just trying to help you, but this isn¡¯t the way.¡±


    ¡°Help?¡± I snapped. ¡°Help would¡¯ve been telling us the truth about Vanessa! You think this¡ª¡± I gestured angrily at the empty plate in front of me, ¡°¡ªthis is the issue?¡±


    ¡°What are you talking about?¡± Claire asked, her voice trembling slightly.


    ¡°Oh, don¡¯t play dumb!¡± I shot back. ¡°I overheard you two talking last night. Vanessa¡¯s out. You didn¡¯t think to tell us? You let us find out on our own, like we¡¯re just supposed to sit here and pretend everything¡¯s fine?¡±


    Claire and Martin exchanged a look of panic, their eyes wide and expressions defensive.


    ¡°You know about that?¡±


    ¡°Yeah, caught you two talking about it last night.¡± I folded my arms.


    ¡°Emily, I¡¯m sorry, we thought you were asleep-¡±


    Claire started, then Martin jumped in to finish, ¡°We didn¡¯t want to worry you.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t want to worry us?¡± I echoed, ¡°Is that supposed to be some kind of excuse? You think we¡¯re too fragile to handle the truth? Newsflash: we¡¯ve been through hell. We can handle the truth. What we can¡¯t handle is being kept in the dark!¡±


    ¡°Emily, you don¡¯t understand¡ª¡± Claire began.


    ¡°I understand perfectly,¡± I cut her off, ¡°It¡¯s not about what we can handle. It¡¯s about respect. It¡¯s about you thinking you have the right to keep us ignorant while you shield yourselves. But guess what? It¡¯s not just me who¡¯s been through this, she¡± I pointed to lily, ¡°has too. And the only reason your precious little daughter isn¡¯t as fucked up and scarred as I am is because I took the pain that was meant for her, so you¡¯re fucking welcome for that!¡±


    I regretted the words as soon as I said them, and it only grew as I saw Lily shrink back in her chair with a look of guilt staining her otherwise light, innocent features, out of the corner of my eye. God, I¡¯m such an awful friend!


    I didn¡¯t say anything, however, I was a bit busy. My attention really didn¡¯t stray from the adults for long.


    ¡°Emily! You don¡¯t mean that!¡± Claire exclaimed, a hint of desperation in her voice. ¡°We love both of you. We¡¯re trying to protect you.¡±


    ¡°Protect us?¡± I laughed bitterly. ¡°You think this is protection? Keeping us in the dark, pretending like everything is fine when it¡¯s not? You¡¯re just making it worse!¡±


    ¡°Emily, please,¡± Martin interjected, his voice softer, trying to calm the situation. ¡°We didn¡¯t mean to hurt you. We thought we were doing the right thing.¡±


    ¡°Well, you thought wrong!¡± I shouted, my voice echoing through the dining room. ¡°We deserve to know the truth. We deserve to be treated like human beings, not fragile little dolls you can just hide things from!¡±


    That¡¯s when it happened.


    Crash! The lamp left my hands, falling to the ground, the lightbulb shattering into thousands of tiny pieces that went flying in every direction, skidding to a stop at my feet.


    Everyone froze. Claire and Martin were staring at me, wide-eyed, mouths agape. My breathing was slow and shallow. I didn¡¯t say anything, I just stared right back, listening to the sound of my own breathing for a while, before looking down at my trembling fists, then back up at Lily, who¡¯s eyes, full of genuine concern, searched mine.


    ¡°Emily!¡± Claire and Martin exclaimed in unison, Martin already standing, most likely to grab a dustpan and brush for the shattered glass, but I didn''t stay to hear what they had to say.


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    My eyes remained fixed into narrow slits as I looked over all three of them one at a time once more, fists still clenched and trembling at my side, before I turned around and stormed into my room, slamming the door behind me with enough force to make the photos on the wall shake slightly.


    I stood there for a solid two and a half minutes, my back pressed flat to the closed door, shaking.


    It didn''t last long.


    The second I could actually feel my emotions again, I exploded.


    Everything within reach became a projectile, aimed squarely at the door or a wall or whatever the fuck else I looked at for more than a second.


    After a little while, I heard the door open and Lily''s quiet footsteps shuffling into the room. I didn''t stop- I had no reason too- she''s seen me in this state far more times than I''d care to admit- they all had. She quietly made her way over to her bed, sitting down cross-legged on the foot of it, watching me, her mouth turned down slightly in the corners and her head tilted to the side.


    She sat there silently while I continued to have what I can only describe as a tornado level of destruction- if a tornado was only as strong and big as a sixteen-year-old girl- instead of tearing houses down or pulling trees out the ground, I was ripping books, throwing clutter and flipping any furniture that I could over- turning our shared room into an absolute wreck¡­


    Eventually, however, I did calm myself down, collapsing onto my bed, face-first into my pillow, taking slow, deep breaths, my chest rising and falling visibly with each one.


    My breaths warmed the pillow and I layed there, not moving an inch until I was completely calm.


    ¡°Finished throwing a tantrum now?¡± Lily''s voice piped up, deliberately calm yet with a certain lilt in her words.


    I let out a tired groan in response and lifted my head to meet her blue gaze.


    I saw her visibly suppress a smirk, folding her arms, looking me up and down. ¡°So, I guess all of this time, you''ve just seen me as a burden then, huh?¡±


    ¡°You know I didn''t mean it, Lils.¡± I groaned again.


    She giggled quietly, ¡°yeah, maybe¡­ But still, that was pretty out-of-pocket, even for you. Her voice and eyes softened with the last part of her sentence, ¡°are you sure you''re okay?¡±


    I pushed myself up so I was sat-up, facing her, crossing my legs in the same manner she had. ¡°That''s probably the seventh or eighth time you''ve asked me that since we got out of therapy, Kid.¡± I chuckled.


    ¡°Well can you blame me? You''re literally the only thing I can think about right now¡­¡± She had started off with a smile, but it faltered as she finished, sighing and running her fingers through her straight light blonde locks, combing out any small tangles from the day.


    ¡°Yeah, same here,¡± I replied, looking around the room to assess the damage, wincing at the mess- it looked like we had let a feral badger or something in here. ¡°-I''ll¡­ uh, clean that up¡­¡±


    She just nodded, parting her hair down the middle and starting to braid each side.


    I started picking things up in silence, tossing anything that couldn¡¯t be salvaged, and neatening up the rest.


    Lily started getting ready for bed so when she asked, I made sure to keep my back to her while she changed, but other than that, no words were spoken between us.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Lily. Genuinely- I shouldn¡¯t have said that¡­¡± I finally spoke, my voice catching at the mere thought of my own words.


    Lily isn¡¯t like me, she doesn¡¯t show her anger- she doesn¡¯t let people know that they get to her- but that didn¡¯t mean I didn¡¯t hurt her. I care about her way too much to ever let her think that I don¡¯t care that she¡¯s hurting.


    ¡°It¡¯s fine, Em, I¡¯m not bothered, you were mad; besides, it¡¯s not like what you said wasn¡¯t 150% true anyway.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s not fine! I shouldn¡¯t of said that, I feel awful- I just-¡± I cut myself off with a sigh, collapsing back onto my bed, staring down at my hands, ¡°There¡¯s something¡­ wrong with me¡­ Something broken.¡±


    Lily came over, sitting beside me and wrapping her arm over my shoulders as she gave me a gentle squeeze. I caught a glimpse of that one scar she has that went from the inside of her upper arm all the way down, stopping just short of the centre of her palm.


    I still remembered the day she got that one- one of those awful days that I failed to protect Lily from her.


    My stomach churned at the memory, and I looked away.


    ¡°I''m so sorry, Kid.¡± I repeated, my voice breaking somewhat.


    ¡°I know, Em,¡± She said softly, ¡°I know.¡±


    We sat there, arms wrapped around each other, my head resting on her shoulder for what felt like hours, listening to each other breathing. When we eventually did decide to call it a night, I did the walk of shame out of the bedroom to the bathroom across the house, luckily not running into Claire or Martin.


    I quickly brushed my teeth and got into bed without changing- unless I''m wearing something uncomfortable like jeans, it''s so much easier and more natural to me to just sleep in my clothes from that day.


    I crawled into bed, and Lily joined me, snuggling up under the covers and resting her head underneath my chin. I held her protectively, drawing circles into her back with my fingers.


    ¡°Em?¡± Lily said quietly, moving her head back to meet my eyes.


    ¡°Yeah, Kid?¡±


    ¡°Promise me you''ll never leave me, no matter what.¡±


    I smiled at this- I didn''t deserve someone like Lily in my life, yet here she was, and I''d do absolutely anything for her.


    ¡°I promise, Kid,¡± I said softly, holding her close, feeling her heart beating against mine, and watching her eyes flutter shut, her face buried in my neck, ¡°I''ll never leave you.¡±


    ----------------¡õ----------------


    The smell of wet pavement filled my nose as I walked through the neighbourhood, pulling my hood further over my face with one hand to try keep myself dry as the light rain fell from above, dark clouds blocking the view of the moon, while the other held a small, concealed pocket knife in my pocket for safety.


    I sneak out like this almost every single night.


    I know I had just told Lily that I¡¯d always be there for her- and I will- but what she doesn¡¯t know can¡¯t hurt her, and sometimes, I just needed an escape- I never really liked leaving her, but I knew she was safe at home.


    I didn¡¯t have a destination or route in mind, I was just following my feet wherever they took me. My sense of direction was absolutely shit, but over the years I¡¯d managed to memorise most of this side of the city.


    I passed by a shoddy looking corner-shop, casting a glare at a man who walked by with his large, out-of-control lab retriever who was running beside him, off-leash, jumping up and barking at everyone and anything it sees, including me. I flinched instinctively.


    I hate dogs, always have, always will.


    All thanks to her, naturally.


    I ran my hand over my wrist as I kept a close eye on the man completely failing at controlling his animal- just in case- feeling the small bumps in hundreds of messy circles that will forever be etched into my skin like an unwanted tattoo, all because of the beasts most people call house pets.


    The dog came bounding over to me, tail wagging and barking, causing my breath to catch and eyes to widen, jumping back.


    ¡°That thing should be on a leash!¡± I yelled as the owner quickly caught up, grabbing it by the collar and gently pulling it away from me with a brief but ultimately shallow and meaningless.


    Some people.


    I rolled my eyes, fighting the urge to flip him off, and continued walking, trying to shake off the encounter.


    The light rain started to clear, so I pulled down my hood, freeing my messy locks that had frizzed up from a mixture of my hood and the rain.


    The night-time was always so peaceful; no pain, no stress, no people, no fear, just me and my thoughts.


    In my haze, I collided into someone, falling to the ground, skidding against the asphalt.


    I heard a dog bark and growl at me, and the owner offered me her hand to help me up, which I stupidly took. Great. Another fucking dog! -At least this one is on a leash.


    ¡°Oh, I''m so sorry, are you okay?¡± The woman spoke, and I froze instantly, unable to even look at her, breath catching in my throat, heart pounding louder and faster than any drum in my ears, "Don''t mind Rex, he''s harmless.¡±


    I would recognise that name anywhere- I would recognise that voice anywhere.


    No¡­


    Her rushed out polite apologies stopped mid-sentence as she recognised me, a sickeningly familiar laugh filling the empty night air. "Well, I''ll be fucking damned." She purred, those piercing green eyes sparkling as she looked down at me, making me feel like a scared little kid all over again.


    Rex, the pit bull, barked and barked and barked, his dark chestnut tail wagging back and forth, as he leaned into his mistress who gave him a loving pat on the head.


    "Look who it is, Rex,¡± Vanessa chuckled, ¡°Hey there, Kitten. Did you miss me?"

 ACT 1

    ACT 1


    I have literally no idea what to put here... Thanks for sticking through the introductory act, I guess- hope you enjoyed it so far, shit is about to get real... >:)


    Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation.


    here, have some keybord vomit to fill the 500 character minimum slot this dumb app makes me have:


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 Chapter 4

    -(10 years earlier)-


    ¡°How many goddamn times do I have to tell you to stay away from the fucking windows, you little brat!¡± Vanessa hissed, grabbing onto my skinny arm with a grip that could''ve rivalled any tiger¡¯s, her newly done nails digging like claws into my skin making me wince.


    Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Not again!


    ¡°I''m sorry,¡± I pleaded, ¡°I didn''t mean to-¡±


    She laughed, a cold, humourless sound dripping with honey and poison. ¡°Oh, I''m sure you didn''t, Kitten, a good little girl like you- the walls just moved to you on their own, did they? The curtains just pulled themselves back?¡±


    She yanked me forwards, away from the window, her grip still tight even as my little legs buckled beneath me, leaving me dangling ever so slightly by my arm.


    ¡°I- I''m sorry¡­¡± I squeaked, forcing the tears away before they fell. Crying just made things worse.


    ¡°Sorry¡¯s not gonna cut it, Emily,¡± She sneered, ¡°I''m sick and tired of repeating myself over and over again to get it through your stupid little head; if I have to tell you one more time about the fucking windows, I''ll feed you to Rex, understand?¡±


    ¡°Yes, Vanessa.¡± I said with a whimper.


    She dropped me, leaving me on my hands and knees in front of her, only succeeding in making her look just that extra bit taller and me feel 10 times smaller.


    Like a mouse- or worse, a kitten.


    ¡°Good girl,¡± she praised, ¡°but don''t think for one moment you''re off the hook. You''ve been a naughty little girl, Kitten, you know what happens to naughty children, don''t you?¡±


    I nodded, looking away from her, down at my carpet-burnt hands. ¡°Y-yes, Vanessa.¡±


    ¡°You don''t want that, do you?¡±


    My stomach dropped at the thought. ¡°N-no, Vanessa.¡±


    She walked back over to the window, leaving me on my knees, pulling the curtains shut once again, blocking out my only glimpse of the outside world I rarely ever saw. ¡°Then you''d best get back to your little cage before I lose my patience, Emily, you''re in deep enough shit as it is.¡±


    I scrambled back onto my feet, freezing in place with a squeak as Rex padded over to me, taking interest in my sudden movement. I held my breath and clenching my fists tight as he sniffed me, bracing myself in case he grabbed me again. ¡®Don''t eat me, don''t eat me, don''t eat me!¡¯ I prayed over and over in my mind.


    ¡°Leave her alone, Rexie.¡± Vanessa sighed, beckoning the dog over, running her hand over his thick skull lovingly. ¡°Basement, Kitten. Now.¡±


    My bare feet padded across the room as quickly as I could to fulfil her order without garnering Rex''s attention again. The dog sat next to his mistress, nuzzling into her leg, tail thumping against the ground as she fussed him, telling him what a good boy he was and how much she loved him. Lies, all lies. Rex is a bad dog.


    Just as I reached the basement door, someone rattled their fist against the front door, making me jump and Vanessa''s attention shift.


    ¡°Fucking Hell¡­¡± She mumbled to herself, standing up, brushing the dog hair off of her trouser leg and walking over, grabbing my wrist again.


    ¡°I swear to fucking God if that''s a neighbour, Kitten, I''m gonna beat your pathetic ass so badly you''re never gonna be able to climb the basement stairs again- got it?¡±


    She didn''t wait for an answer, her other hand reached for the doorknob and with a little twist, the door opened, revealing the creaky wooden stairs to my own personal Hell, stained red in a few places from my blood.


    The knocking started up again and she forced me forwards and shoved me down the steps.


    It wasn''t a long fall by any means, but it still hurt. My six-year-old body went tumbling down ten whole steps, hitting my head on the wall and catching the skin on my knee on a loose screw on the way, landing at the bottom with a loud thud and a shaky whimper.


    ¡°I''ll deal with you later,¡± she sneered, "And don''t even think about asking me for food after that little stunt, Kitten. Puedes sentarte ah¨ª y pudrirte toda la puta semana." Were her final words as she slammed the basement door shut.


    The lock clicked and I was alone in the darkness once again.


    I didn''t get up, I couldn''t.


    I curled up tighter, the damp concrete floor sticking to my skin, mingling with the blood pouring from my cheek and listened.


    She''ll go to bed eventually, that I knew for sure, then I would be able to deal with my emotions without her hearing me and coming back down- but until then, I lay in silence, my small chest heaving with the effort of breathing as I listened to the sound of footsteps above, and the sound of her opening the front door.


    Only one thought ran through my young mind:


    I am never getting out of here.


    ----------------¡õ----------------


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    -(Present day)-


    The world froze around me.


    My head spun in all sorts of directions and my vision blurred in the corners. This can''t be happening!


    A floodgate opened in my mind and the memories I kept trying to push down for the past five years came rushing back to me all at once.


    My brain screamed at my legs to run, but they didn''t listen. All I could only stand there and stare as the woman I was promised I''d never see again stood in front of me with the dog I was told would be put down.


    She circled me, and even now, pushing forty, she was absolutely gorgeous. Her black, tightly coiled hair was laced with strands of grey and her naturally tan skin was looser around her frame now, and yet not as much as you would expect. She could still easily be mistaken for 28.


    ¡°What''s the matter, Kitten? Why so quiet? You never used to be. Do I really scare you that much?¡±


    My mouth opened but no words formed. My brain went completely blank- I hardly remembered how to breathe.


    ¡°What are you- how did- why-¡± My sorry, fumbled attempt at speaking died on my tongue. My legs finally listened, at least a little, managing a singular unsteady step backwards.


    Big mistake.


    I backed right into Rex, making the once towering beast bark and jump up to grab onto my arm. I screamed out of instinct, pulling away, almost falling over in the process, only adding to Vanessa''s sick amusement.


    It took me a moment to realise that the pain I was expecting didn''t come- I double checked, glancing quickly at the arm that stupid mutt had tried to grab, not wanting to take my eyes off of Vanessa for too long, and sure enough, there was nothing. No blood, no wound, just a slick layer of saliva.


    ¡°You aren''t still scared of Rex are you, Emily? He''s harmless now- not a single tooth left- he''s slower too.¡±


    Sure enough, looking back at him now, Rex was nothing like the brute that guarded me as a child- his chestnut and white coat was duller than I remembered, his muzzle was grey and his eyes foggy.


    He looked smaller now too- but that may just be because I''ve grown a lot since I was eleven.


    Wow, five years really did a number on him¡­


    ¡°Just get your demon dog the fuck away from me, Vanessa.¡± I finally managed, glaring at the beast who was now looking up at his beloved mistress with a wagging tail, expecting a treat for ¡®fetching¡¯ me. Though my words were lacking the bite they usually held.


    ¡°Down, Rex.¡± Vanessa commanded, chuckling to herself, and the dog obeyed with robot-like precision, plopping to the ground, his tongue lolling out the side of his jaws.


    She bent down, giving him a kiss on his ugly head, and a gentle pat on the side, turning her attention back to me. ¡°Ah, she still speaks! Good. I was getting worried for a minute there, Kitten.¡±


    ¡°Fuck off, Vanessa. I- I¡¯m done with you.¡± I said, taking another step back, cursing the way my voice quivered.


    ¡°Well now, look at you, all grown up- that¡¯s plain rude, y¡¯know,¡± She chuckled, ¡°Come on, kitten, it hasn¡¯t been that long. Is that any way to speak to the person who raised you?¡±


    The sheer audacity of this woman was something I never could wrap my head around. Raise me? This woman stole me away from my bio parents at three, kept me locked in her basement, starved me and beat the crap out of me whenever I did something ¡°wrong¡±, and now here she was, claiming to have raised me?!


    Yeah, fuck that.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t raise me, Vanessa, you stole me. There¡¯s a difference.¡± I bit. I¡¯ve spoken to her like this before- yet my body was still tense and shaking, ready to block an attack at a moment''s notice.


    ¡®She¡¯s safe when she¡¯s sober.¡¯ I reminded myself- echoing the mantra I clung to as a child. It wasn¡¯t 100% true, but it was close enough to ease my nerves at least a bit back then.


    She chuckled again, the sound grating against every nerve in my body and I had to fight the urge to clench my teeth.


    ¡°Maybe,¡± she conceded, ¡°but just remember, you wouldn''t be alive right now if I hadn''t been there to feed your sorry ass. You''d just be rotting alone down in that basement forever.¡±


    I tried to speak again, but she cut me off with a raised hand. It didn¡¯t matter what I wanted, my body has learnt to obey her no matter what or expect pain.


    Why do I let her do this? Why did I ever let her have this much control over me? Why am I still giving her power?


    ¡­Fuck¡­


    ¡°I¡¯m not here to talk semantics with you, Gatita, we¡¯d be here forever. It was a pleasure catching up, but I shouldn''t be talking to minors full stop- let alone you or whatever the fuck that little friend of yours was called.¡±


    For some reason, her words made me pause.


    Wait, she''s not interested in me anymore? Why not? Did I do something wrong?!


    Vanessa was already beginning to walk away, Rex trotting along beside her with a loose leash and tail held high as if he was the king of the world or some shit.


    Stupid mutt.


    I blink, grounding myself. What the hell just happened?


    Her hourglass figure started to move further and further away when my dumb body decided to act on its own once again- always making the wrong decisions. ¡°Wait!¡± I called out pitifully, like a lost lamb crying out for its shepard, my legs moving quickly to catch up to her.


    ¡®What the actual living fuck are you doing, Emily?!¡¯ I yelled internally, but I didn''t stop. I reached out, pausing right before I touched her- I don''t think I''ve ever initiated physical contact with her before, and honestly, I''m scared to.


    She turned back around, raising a perfectly-done eyebrow at my outstretched hand, but she didn''t comment.


    I awkwardly put my hand back down, shifting my weight. What am I doing?


    ¡°That''s it?¡± I questioned, trying to make it sound like I wanted her to stay so I could tell her off more, but in truth, I didn''t know why I wanted her to stay. My brain was torn in two- one half telling me to get the hell out of here right now, and the other craving her validation- her attention- positive or negative.


    What has this bitch done to my brain?


    She tilted her head, watching me with a sort of lazy amusement. ¡°That¡¯s it? What more do you want, Kitten? Me to get on my knees and beg for your forgiveness?¡± She smirked, the kind that always made my stomach lurch.


    I should¡¯ve walked away. I should¡¯ve left her behind, just like I always told myself I would if I ever saw her again. But I couldn¡¯t. My feet stayed planted, heavy with the weight of all the things I never said, all the things I was still too afraid to say.


    ¡°I¡­¡± My throat tightened. What was I doing? What did I want? Closure? An apology? She wouldn¡¯t give me any of that. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡±


    She looked me over for a long while- or maybe it just felt long to me- the tiny rain droplets making her wild black hair glitter in the dim streetlights.


    ¡°Walk with me, then, Kitten.¡± She finally said, "You look like you could use the company.¡±

 Chapter 5

    I am the dumbest person alive!


    The classroom was a whirlwind of energy and noise, like usual, and I was resting my head on Lily''s shoulder. How anyone can be this lively at 8:30 in the morning on a Wednesday is beyond me.


    I got back home at like 4AM last night- and I was still spent come morning.


    Lily didn''t look too good either- her head was leaned against mine, eyes closed, the dark circles around them an indicator of the rough night she had.


    She had a nightmare last night- a common occurrence for the both of us, I think, but, of course, me being the worst friend in the entire world, I wasn''t there when she woke up- I was out in the middle of nowhere with our goddamn abductor of all people!


    Long story short, I had slipped back into our room last night only to find her sat up in my bed, head in her knees, hyperventilating and sobbing.


    I didn''t tell her about Vanessa- I know I said before that she has a right to know these things but¡­ I just couldn''t. What she doesn''t know can''t hurt her, right? Besides, I''m not even sure what I''d say.


    I''ll tell her eventually- probably.


    ¡°Tuck your shirt in please, Emily.¡± Miss Sawyer, our homeroom tutor said as she entered the room. Not even a ¡®good morning¡¯ first, huh? We must be in trouble then. "Kyle, sit up, does this look like your bedroom to you?"


    Lily scooted away a little, sitting back in her own chair rather than sharing mine, though her hand remained on my arm as I pushed the edges of my shirt back into my school trousers, casting a tired but withering glare at the teacher.


    I don''t mind Miss Sawyer most of the time. She''s... Tolerable, at least as far as adults go, but man, she gets really bitchy whenever she receives a complaint about our class from a sub or something.


    Lily and I yawned at the exact same time, causing us to flash each other a knowing look and stifle a giggle.


    God, I would do literally anything to keep that smile on her face forever.


    She deserves to be happy, and I''ll do everything in my power to make sure that happens- even if that means keeping my little midnight encounter a secret.


    The clacking of Miss Sawyer''s keyboard against the now silent classroom gained my attention, my head spinning towards the source of the noise a little too quickly to be considered ¡®normal¡¯, and I prayed no-one else saw. I get enough crap at this school as is.


    A few kids snickered behind me, but thankfully, Miss Sawyer began calling out the register before anyone got the chance to open their stupid mouths.


    I can''t stand these pricks. They don''t get it- their ungrateful asses should be glad they never experienced what Lily and I did- but no. They just treat us like the funniest joke they''ve heard all week simply because we have a few¡­ ¡®quirks¡¯.


    ¡°Emily.¡± Miss Sawyer called out as she reached my name on the list. More as a formality, really, already checking me and Lily in on her computer. If I''m present, Lily is present, if Lily isn''t present then neither am I.


    Leaving Lily alone in the middle of the night while she is sound asleep in bed is one thing, but you''ll catch me dead before you catch me leaving her alone outside of the house, surrounded by people who might hurt her.


    ¡°Here,¡± I replied, ¡°Lily''s here too.¡±


    I''ve always answered the register for her, I''m her voice, her shield, her protector, and in turn, she is my friend, my partner-in-crime, my everything.


    Names kept being called out, but my mind was anywhere but on the scene in front of me. It''s always been like this- every noise, every sudden movement or flickering light- hounded for my attention, but today it felt particularly bad. I felt like my neck might snap with how much I was twisting it, but that''s not all, no matter what I did, I just couldn''t seem to get last night out of my brain.


    I ran into Vanessa. That''s a bad thing.


    I crashed into Rex. Also bad.


    Rex is a toothless old fossil now. That''s good.


    Vanessa wasn''t interested anymore. I- I''m not sure what to think about that¡­


    Man, my life is a fucking shit show!


    Miss Sawyer stood up, walking to the front of the classroom, arms folded. The whispered conversations slowly died, everyone''s attention shifting to the pissed off teacher.


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    Everyone''s but mine.


    Okay, okay, wait.


    So, I called Vanessa back, she offered for me to walk with her, and, being the dumbass I very clearly am, I said yes. Bad? I think.


    ¡°I am so disappointed in you, Year 11.¡± Miss Sawyer started, but I was only half listening. I wrapped an arm around Lily to comfort her through the yelling that was sure to come.


    Vanessa and I spent a good 20 minutes walking in silence, me following behind her like a lost puppy. Pathetic, but not necessarily bad- it could''ve been a hell of a lot worse with this woman.


    Then, well¡­ I don''t know how to begin labelling it. We started talking, she was being a total bitch, so no change there, I freaked the fuck out and almost fell over when her hand reached out for my shoulder- that definitely wasn''t great, I guess, but she already knows I''m afraid of her, I''d be stupid not to, sooo..


    Lily''s body tensed in my arms and she hid her face in my side. The yelling was getting to her. I rubbed her back and held her tighter, glaring at the teacher who softened a little, casting us an apologetic glance but continued her scolding regardless.


    Why am I so caught up on this? Nothing happened. Literally nothing. We just talked for three and a half hours, that''s it!


    Just stop, Emily. Focus on what''s happening now. You can''t change the past, yada yada, focus on now. It doesn''t matter right now.


    The bell rang, an overtly loud, sudden noise that never failed to put Lily and I on alert.


    ¡°Alright, alright, go to class, all of you. Emily, Lily, stay behind, I need a word with you, Emily.¡± Miss Sawyer said with a long sigh as the sound of chairs scraping against cheap carpet and the rushed packing of bags filled the air in a harmony of chaos that could only come from a British secondary school.


    I had to suppress a groan, sinking back into my chair, Lily''s hand held tightly in mine. ¡°I know what this is about.¡± She sighed quietly, whispering so only I would hear.


    ¡°It''ll be fine, Kid. We''ll be okay.¡±


    I''m honestly not too sure who that comment was for. Sure, I said it to Lily, but it felt more aimed at myself. I need the reassurance right now.


    Breathe, Emily, just breathe. Focus and breathe.


    Once upon a time you told yourself you''d never get out of that basement but now look at you. I''ve bested that monster before, I can do it again, so just forget about her for now, okay?


    Okay.


    A gentle nudge from my left pulled me out of my spiral, meeting Lily''s mildly concerned gaze flicking between me and the teacher.


    Wait, shit, did she say something?


    ¡°Well?¡± Miss Sawyer asked, not that I had even the faintest of clues what she was asking me.


    ¡°Uh I don''t-¡± I fumbled, taking a half-step back, looking between the two of them for some sort of prompt, my cheeks flushing slightly. Luckily, it didn''t show too much with my darker complexion.


    ¡°You threw a pen at the substitute, Emily Baker.¡± Miss Sawyer said, her voice sharp but knowing better than to yell at us. It was one of the many, MANY things written in our IEP.


    Ohhhhh, she''s talking about that!


    Yeah, I''m not sorry. Dumb bitch deserved it for putting a hand on my fucking friend.


    ¡°She''s lucky it wasn''t a chair.¡± I mumbled more to myself than her. I could practically feel the heat of her frustration rolling over me. Lily ever so slightly ducked behind me, making me put an arm out to shield her instinctively.


    I expected Miss Sawyer to say something else, but she just kind of stood there for a long moment, her right eye twitching slightly, pinching the bridge of her nose.


    I''d probably be suspended for that comment alone if it wasn''t for the fact that she still needs Lily to come to school.


    Point to team trauma, I guess?


    ¡°I''ll be talking to your parents again-¡± She started, but I interrupted.


    ¡°-Her parents. Her¡¯s, not mine.¡±


    ¡°Legal guardians then,¡± she all but huffed, ¡°it doesn¡¯t matter. This can''t keep happening, girls, it''s just not on.¡±


    ¡°Call them then.¡± I said with a scoff, ¡°See if I give a shit.¡±


    ----------------¡õ----------------


    At lunch, Lily and I made a beeline to our normal spot, a secluded area covered by trees that most students don''t know about. There''s benches there and everything, which is perfect since the grass is still wet from the rain last night.


    ¡°Did you get another detention?¡± Lily asked, leaning all her weight onto me.


    ¡°Yep. Big surprise there. You gonna wait in the car or in the classroom with me?¡±


    ¡°Car, probably, I wanna lie down. I got a text earlier, dad''s picking us up. Might have to walk tomorrow though.¡±


    I sighed, pulling her impossibly closer, burying my face into her neck. One hour left- two for me- and we can go home. One hundred and twenty minutes.


    ¡°What''ve we got last?¡± Lily eventually said, stealing my coat and wrapping it around both of us. She forgot hers, again.


    ¡°No fucking clue. French, probably. You never told me about your dream.¡± I probed, only getting a lazy shake of her head in responce. I''m not gonna overstep if she isn''t ready to talk. ¡°Alright, well you know I''m here for you whenever.¡±


    She nodded, her eyes fluttering shut as her head met my shoulder.


    I leaned back a little, watching the sun through the autumn leaves shielding us from the rest of the world. Once upon a time, I used to look at that same sun and wonder what it would feel like on my skin- then I learnt- and now¡­ Well, now what?


    That''s the problem, I think. Now what? So much has happened in so short of a time, I''m left asking myself now what?


    I''ll take things one step at a time for now I think, but I just feel so damn lost.

 Chapter 6

    Lily''s face scrunched up in confusion, her ice-coloured eyes flicking between the pattern on her phone and the knitting project her fingers were nimbly working on as she lay sprawled across the sofa. The TV was on, but neither of us were watching it.


    I was sat on the windowsill with a book, trying to make up for the years of reading practice I missed out on as a child. I could read as a kid- a little- but mainly just a bit of Spanish and the numbers and notes Vanessa kept on her fridge for me to go deliver shit to. Drugs, mainly. And I only learnt that when I was like seven.


    I''ve improved a lot over the five years I''ve been living with Lily and her folks, and I am, believe it or not, grateful for that, but I''m definitely still behind Lily and most of our peers.


    "You good?" I asked, looking over.


    "Hm? Oh, yeah, just miscounted a stitch." Her soft voice replied, not looking up from her work.


    Martin and Claire went out about an hour ago and it just occurred to me I have no clue were. They go food shopping on Sundays, so it can''t be that. It might be something to do with the restraining orders. Not that it''ll do literally anything- I mean she proved that Tuesday night.


    It''s been four days including today, and I still haven''t told Lily about that.


    I tried yesterday but I just couldn''t bring myself to do it.


    My nightmares have gotten a lot worse since then, and I haven''t snuck out either. I guess the whole ordeal affected me more than I thought it did.


    Honestly though, I''m starting to go a little stir crazy. I don''t know how Lily does it- staying either here, at school or at therapy. I''d lose my fucking mind.


    It''s funny really, we went through the exact same thing, with the exact same person at the exact same time- the only difference is the length of time- yet we are so different in how we cope with it after the fact.


    "I''m gonna step outside for a smoke before your folks get back." I announce, dog-earing my book and setting it down on the white shelf by the TV stand. We don''t have a coffee table for some reason.


    "Wait, wait, wait, I''ll come!" Lily scrambled up, dumping her knitting needles on the sofa, the ball of royal blue yarn falling off and rolling across the tan carpeted floors.


    I walked out into the narrow hallway, heading up to our room, grabbing my cigarettes from behind one of the hung picture frames, then shoved on my trainers and headed out the front door, holding it open for Lily.


    I couldn''t help teasing her a little on the way out. "I thought you hated me smoking," I remarked with a grin.


    She rolled her eyes at me, giving me evils as she passed me and stepping out into the freshly mown front garden.


    "It''s bad for you." She pointed out for probably the thousandth time, plopping down onto the old chair swing. "You''re killing yourself. If you die, who the hell am I gonna finish watching Stranger Things with?"


    "You could always make other friends, you know- isn''t that what Dr-what''s-his-face is always babbling on about?"


    She giggled, pressing her back into my shoulder as I sat down, fiddling with my lighter. "Dr Tompson?"


    "Oh, shut up, you know I''m shit with names." I scowled playfully at her, though I could feel myself getting increasingly frustrated with the half-empty lighter. "God, why won''t this stupid thing light!"


    I dumped the useless thing into her outstretched palm, and with one swipe, a small flame burned to life on top of the plastic casing.


    "Thanks." I mumbled, ignoring the smug grin, grabbing one of the sticks from the packet.


    "A team, right?" She prompted, her eyes scanning the dead neighbourhood.


    I felt a pit form in my stomach again.


    A team? Yeah, we''re a team- so what does that make me? A team member that''s actively lying to their team mate.


    No. I''m not lying, I''m just... withholding information. Yeah, that''s it. She barely leaves the house as is, I don''t need to make it worse by telling her who I met with.


    She doesn''t need to know, Emily, it''s fine. We''re fine.


    "Yeah... a team."


    I took a long drag to silence my thoughts. They''ve been a little too vocal as of late.


    The feeling of the smoke filling my lungs did wonders to slow my mind- at least for a little while. The smoke came back out of my mouth with the next exhale, likely leaving an inky black stain behind- but why should I care? It makes me feel good now, why should I bother worrying about the health of a future me I might not even get to meet? Knowing me, that is a very real possibility.If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Still, this feeling was eating me alive... Maybe there was a way I could tell her without making her panic- explain it was a one-time thing and a pure coincidence- that she didn''t even care anymore- we were safe- we are safe. I don''t know, just something to make this pit go away!


    "So, uh, kid." I began awkwardly, flicking some ash onto the ground and scuffing it away with my shoe so her folks don''t see it when they inevitably return. "You know that whole Vanessa-being-out-early thing..."


    Instantly, I felt her muscles tense beneath me, moving a bit closer and scanning the space around us as if she''d just pop out from behind the neighbours fence like some sort of bogeyman or something. "Yeah... What about it?"


    Okay, just get it over with, just tell her. You can do it!


    But her eyes are just so trusting...


    Shit, she''s gonna hate me, isn''t she?


    "Well, about that, I-"


    She waited patiently to hear what I had to say, but I bit my tongue. My chest tightened and suddenly this post-rain wind felt unbearably hot. I even felt the hairs on my arms and legs stand on end.


    Please don''t hate me, kid, you''re the only person I have.


    The only one...


    "What''s wrong, Em?" She questioned, wrapping her arms around my shoulders, staring into my eyes. "You can tell me anything. Always. We don''t keep secrets from each other, right?"


    I can''t do this.


    "Right, yeah," I sighed, putting the cigarette to my lips and taking another long drag, "never mind, it''s not important. I just thought maybe we should tell the therapist tomorrow- just, y''know, so we can get out of that bloody separation exercise for the day."


    I watched as the smoke twirled in front of my nose, quickly fading and being swept away by the autumn breeze, leaving nothing to remember it by. The tree near our fence shook and dropped more leaves that fluttered to the ground in piles of orange, red and brown. For a while, Lily stayed silent, looking for any signs of distress, no matter how subtle, then, she let out a sigh of her own, pulling the sleeves of her home-made cardigan over her hands, her warm body fully pressed into mine like two puzzle pieces- made to fit together perfectly yet unable to do so with any other piece.


    "Oh, okay," She finally whispered, pushing the hand with my cigarette in it away from her face. "We can do that, I guess."


    ----------------¡õ----------------


    -(5 years earlier)-


    The door slammed behind me, making the wooden stairs rattle as I returned to our dark little home, the lock clicking and Vanessa''s drunken mumbles fading into the background.


    "Kid?" I called out, looking around for the blonde who has quickly become my first and only life-line in this place.


    A drop of cold water fell from the boiler pipes above me, hitting my neck as I crawled into the little hiding nook behind the old, broken bookshelf. It''s been here for longer than I have, standing forgotten and worn like the two captives it shares the space with.


    I couldn''t quite see her in the dark space, but I could just about make out her shivering silhouette curled up in the crawl space, wrapped up in my thin, dirty blanket I had- by some miracle- managed to convince a veeeerrryyy hungover Vanessa to give me a few years back when moths made holes in the fabric.


    She sniffled, and her arm moved, likely to wipe away the tears. Poor thing''s been non-stop crying since she got here about two-ish weeks ago.


    She doesn''t deserve this shit, man.


    She''s not tough like I am. We''re the same age, I think, but she''s so much younger? I don''t know how to describe it really. I just... I want to help her survive.


    "I got you something." I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible, scooting close to her and wrapping my arms and legs around her trembling body to keep her warm the best I can down here.


    As reluctant as I was to let go of food, especially after not having had any for the past four days, I figured maybe the apple I managed to swipe from Vanessa''s friend''s tree today on my ''delivery run'' would make her feel a bit better. Food always made me feel better.


    My ghostly pale brown hand gently held the fruit out to the trembling girl, who hesitated only for a moment before taking it and sinking her teeth into the sweet flesh.


    "See? It''s not so bad here, so long as you know how to survive." I smiled weakly, though I doubted she could see it.


    "I wanna go home..." She squeaked, followed by another sniffle, making my heart sink.


    "I already told you, kid, you can''t. She''s never gonna let either of us leave. I''m sorry, that''s just how it works around here. Bull crap, I know but..." I trailed off.


    She started to sob all over again. I wanted to comfort her but I didn''t know how! The only time hands have ever been on me was to cause pain. I bit my lip, breaking the scab, the familiar metallic taste dripping into my mouth.


    I hardly even noticed it.


    I had to get her to stop crying. She''s already brought Vanessa down here once before, and I''m in no rush to get another black eye.


    "Kid, listen to me, okay? I know this is scary, but you''ve got to be quiet." I whisper, reaching out tentatively to stroke her hair in the same way Vanessa does when I please her. "I''ll protect you, but you have to stop crying."


    She whimpered from the effort of forcing away her tears, and out of nowhere, she pounced on me, like Rex does, but without the growling and sharp teeth.


    What is she- is she trying to attack me?! My body tensed as her arms found my neck, wrapping around it and squeezing, her head pressed against my chest.


    What...?


    "Thank you." She whimpered quietly, accidentally wiping her drippy nose and tears all over my hoodie.


    "What the hell are you doing?" I hissed on instinct, pushing her.


    She pulled away, arms falling back to her sides, blue eyes wide. "I was just... hugging you. I''m sorry, I-"


    "Hugging?"


    "You don''t know what a hug is?" She questioned, looking rather taken aback.


    I scoffed. "Course I know what a damn hug is- I''ve watched TV before, y''know."


    Her face twisted with something akin to concern, and slowly, she reached up, reading me as her fingers tentatively traced an old scar that ran from my chin all the way up into the right side of my head, hidden by my mop of curls.


    "...How long have you been here?" She whispered, looking almost afraid of the answer.


    "Eight years." I said bluntly, pulling back.


    She gasped loudly and I rushed to cover her mouth. "Shhh!"


    "Eight years?" She mimicked- like that big grey bird with no feathers on his chest that one of Vanessa''s "friends" always brings over, the one that copies Rex when he barks, scaring the both of us- pulling my hand off her.


    "Yeah. Since I was three. I told you Lily, you''re not going home. No-one leaves here. Ever."


    ----------------¡õ----------------


    -(Present day)-


    "Em?"


    "Huh? What?" I said, blinking hard, my charred cigarette sliding from my fingers.


    "You were disassociating again." Lily murmured with a sleepy yawn.


    "Sorry." I stubbed it out on the side of the wall, brushing away the stain left behind.


    She shifted making the swing underneath us rock as she laid down, using my thighs as a pillow. Her only response being a lazy hum while her arm coiled around my leg.


    I ran my hand over her back, running my fingers over the little holes of her cardigan.


    Two flashbacks in a week...


    Yikes.


    I need to do something about that, I haven''t had flashbacks in years.


    The only question is what.

 Chapter 7

    My shoes scuffed against the cracked tarmac; my hands shoved deep into my coat pockets.


    Five years, yet this place looks absolutely identical.


    The stars were hidden behind a thick layer of clouds though the moon, a bright, inky yellow, cut through the grey effortlessly. My only light source.


    I¡¯d been walking for about an hour, if my phone can be trusted, and it helped. Moving always helped.


    I¡¯ve never understood when people say they¡¯re scared of the dark. Darkness, for me, was not a home for monsters and the unknown, but a large safety blanket. Darkness meant I was alone; it meant I was safe. The same cannot be said for the light.


    I passed by one of the ¡®vecinos metiches de mierda¡¯ houses, my first indicator I was getting close.


    I stopped for a moment to look at it, mentally comparing it to the Baker¡¯s home. Theirs was basically a mansion compared to these ones.


    Small, squashed together with half-collapsed fencing and smoke-stained walls.


    The curtains were drawn, the same sun-bleached purple ones I remember carefully checking were closed before passing by. Checking no one was home.


    Vanessa had made sure I knew if any one of these people along this dilapidated street saw me, she¡¯d drag me back, beat me and feed me to her stupid mutt.


    She didn¡¯t want them to know I existed. Didn¡¯t need anyone finding out about her little captive in the basement.


    It worked too; that¡¯s the worst part.


    I had only just been rescued, so I must¡¯ve been eleven. Martin, Lily, and I were going somewhere, I don¡¯t remember where now, but when they passed a house with the curtains open, I froze up, refusing to pass by the window.


    Lily wouldn¡¯t budge either, but then, she was a lot more attached to me back then, practically joint at the hip.


    It took a good thirty minutes of Martin trying everything he could think of to coax me forwards before I eventually relayed the information Vanessa had told me since I was a tot and him reminding me she was in prison for the thousandth time for it to finally click.


    I¡¯m so fucking dumb, it¡¯s not even funny.


    I could¡¯ve asked for help at any point- knocked on any one of these doors and asked them to call the police- but I just didn¡¯t.


    The thought never even crossed my mind.


    I was too afraid.


    Childish. So bloody childish.


    I shook my head and pulled myself away from the house, continuing up the narrow street, stepping over the broken glass and piles of discarded rubbish that mixed with the dead brown leaves scattered in every direction.


    What a shit hole. Though, to be fair, I remember it being a lot worse.


    One foot fell in front of the other, drawing me closer and closer to the one place I thought I would never see again.


    Ba thump. Ba thump. Ba thump. My heart rate skyrocketed.


    ¡®What the actual flying fuck are you doing, Emily?¡¯ My brain screamed at me for god knows how many times this week.


    Turn around. Go home.


    But that¡¯s the problem, isn¡¯t it? I WAS going home.


    I turned the familiar corner and my lungs started to constrict.


    Turn back.


    Am I really doing this?


    My legs wouldn¡¯t stop, propelling me forwards at a speed I definitely did not want to be going at. It was like I had strings attached to them, being pulled along by an invisible puppet master whose only goal in life is to see me suffer.


    Go. Back.


    No, I need to do this. I need the thoughts to go away.


    I saw the house in the near distance. My throat closed up.A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Leave.


    My feet carried me ever closer to the familiar rotting wood fence, pushing the gate open and walking up the dirt path made after years of footsteps crushing the otherwise overgrown grass.


    One step, then another, and another, and another. One possessed foot in front of the other, all the way across the small front garden until the squelch of wet mud was replaced with the quiet scuffle of concrete.


    The navy-blue door I had once rarely seen this side of stood, towering, no, dwarfing me, making my head spin more and more as all the blood in my body seemed to sprint its way upwards.


    Run.


    My mind all but screamed at me, yet somewhere deep in the murky, sticky depths of my fucked-up head pushed forwards.


    I needed to do this.


    So, I did.


    With a shaky hand, I reached out, fist raping on the painted surface of the door.


    The sound rang in my ears, stabbing my brain from every angle, then? Silence.


    Pure and utter silence.


    This was a mistake. Yeah, what the fuck was I even doing here?


    I fell back a step, almost tripping on the ridge as I did.


    I ran a hand through my coiled hair, and pulled my hood further over my face, turning around and cursing myself under my breath.


    Just go home, Em. Lily needs you anyway. This was dumb.


    I didn¡¯t even make it a step.


    The door opened with a loud creak, orange light flooding the floor near my scuffed trainers.


    Too late.


    ¡°Bueno, bueno, mira qui¨¦n ha vuelto arrastr¨¢ndose. Hola, Emily, didn¡¯t expect to see you of all people back here.¡± She drawled. I could smell the alcohol on her, it practically engulfed her towering frame. clearly, five years rotting in a cell wasn¡¯t enough to sober her up for long.


    Not really sure why I thought any differently. People don¡¯t change.


    ¡°Hi.¡± I greeted back, however strained, looking her over.


    ¡°A young girl like you shouldn¡¯t be out knocking on doors so late at night, you could get kidnapped or something. Bad people around these parts.¡± She chuckled, as if she had just spoken the funniest joke to have ever been strung together.


    ¡°Oh, fuck you.¡±


    ¡°Language, language. Why are you here then, Gattita? I take it you¡¯ve got some reason beyond making me stand here with the door open and waste money on heating.¡±


    Now, right here, even the most brain dead of the human race would be smart enough to take the opportunity to leave, right? To run back to the relative freedom and safety of their new homes rather than let themselves be swept back to the past.


    Not me though. Never me.


    Because why would I ever make life easy on myself?


    No, no, clearly that¡¯s too much to ask for.


    ¡°Can I come in?¡±


    Her lips pulled up in one corner into a smirk made lopsided by drink. Giving me another once over, she stepped back, gesturing for me to enter. ¡°How can I refuse my favourite little Kitten?¡±


    Crossing the threshold to my childhood prison only made my heart beat faster, so fast, in fact, I worried for a moment I¡¯d have a heart attack.


    The house looked identical to how I remembered it; the front door leading into the neat living room decorated with outdated floral furniture from the 90¡äs, with the flight of stairs leading up to her room on the right, just a few paces away from the sofa I remember spending hours sitting on, whether to watch TV shows I was way too young for or just to be scolded. It didn¡¯t matter, really.


    Rex lounged across the cushions, stretched out like he owned the place, his loud snores filling the space like a pneumatic drill. Lazy old bastard didn¡¯t even notice me.


    Stupid fucking dog.


    The door clicked softly shut after me as she closed it and followed me deeper into my old home, intentionally ignoring the now doorless entrance to her basement as I passed it.


    Why after all these years do I still feel like I belong here?


    Next to the slumbering beast, the same crappy laptop I was never allowed to touch, sat open on a job site, with the words ¡®Convicted of 11 counts related to the abduction, imprisonment, and neglect of two children: including child abduction, false imprisonment, child cruelty, and offences under the Dangerous Dogs Act.¡¯ typed out in a box asking for disclosure of any criminal records.


    Pft- yeah, good luck getting a job with a resume like that, bitch.


    Ah, Karma feels so sweet.


    ¡°I assume you aren¡¯t just visiting because you missed me.¡± Vanessa said, her words slurring a little as she plopped down onto the sofa, shut the laptop, and grabbed a half-empty bottle all in one fluid motion.


    Yeah, no. Never.


    But¡­ Why was I here?


    I awkwardly perched on the matching armchair, my hands instinctively finding my lap. ¡°I-¡± crap.


    She barely spared me a glance really, bringing the bottle up to her lips and chugging it like a backround pirate in those live-action Disney movies. Even so, the weight on my chest only seemed to get heavier.


    with a small sigh, I met her dim, earthy green eyes forcing out the first excuse I could come up with for my dumb legs carrying me all the way out here. ¡°I just¡­ wanted to talk, I guess.¡±


    ¡°Habla entonces, gatita, por supuesto, Dios sabe por qu¨¦. Just do me a favour and cut all the soppy shit.¡± She set the bottle back down, her eyes locking onto mine as her face twisted into that drunk, self-amusing smirk she wore like a fucking badge. ¡°I hope you don¡¯t expect me to apologise.¡±


    Vanessa? Apologise? I¡¯m not that delusional.


    I shook my head.


    For a moment, there was silence. Rex stretched with a loud huff, finally seeming to notice my presence, acknowledging me with a bored not-quite bark.


    Vanessa, drunk as she was, seemed at least somewhat attuned to the silence, giving the beast an affectionate head pat, the amusement never dying in her older but just as sharp eyes.


    I¡¯m not sure if that made me feel a little better or ten times worse.


    Fine. You¡¯re here now, Em, might as well get it over with. Ask the question playing on repeat since you were three.


    My brown fingers slowly curl into fists, and suddenly, this sofa felt like it was bathed in a spotlight.


    A spotlight couldn¡¯t escape.


    It burnt.


    I swallowed once, musty, alcohol and cheap perfume scented air flowing into my nose with a sharp inhale, and my breath shook when I let it go.


    Just ask.


    Realistically, what¡¯s the worst that can happen?


    She¡¯s not gonna do shit- not now, not anymore.


    Just ask, Emily.


    One word, that¡¯s all.


    Ask.


    My gaze stayed fixed on my clenched hands, steadying my breathing, tracing the lines between my fingers with only my eyes.


    You might never get an opportunity like this again.


    Stop being a little bitch and ask her!


    My throat was tight, voice strangled, but finally, the question I could never stop asking myself forced itself free from my tongue.


    ¡°Why?¡±