《Dark Disquiet》


 memories like sunken ruins 1.1

    The phone screen said it was ten to four.


    Pandora blew a quiet raspberry. Slid her stupid brick of an electronic device back into her stupid pocket. A OnePlus she¡¯d bought last year off Ebay, already five years old then. It had been pretty good in 2015, walls of text had informed her. For the price at least. Four years was about ten centuries in electronics, though and now it wasjustslow enough to annoy her when it needed to load more than a single page of text.


    Atwood wasn¡¯t a big city and it didn¡¯t bustle like Toronto did in the evenings. Her mom had taken her and Nate there a couple years before she¡¯d died, and it had just been- a lot. A lot of people. A lot of lights. A lot of sounds. Nate had been big-eyed and their mom had been worried he was gonna wander off. Pandora had been attached to her like a snail to its shell. The sounds and the crowds had been too much combined. And that had been back then.


    She hated even being in class now. Twenty students gathered together in a rural Ontario classroom and she couldn¡¯t even handle that. Part of it was the people (and part of it wasn¡¯t, to be fair). A lot of them always talked and talked about things she didn¡¯t get. The relationships she¡¯d stopped caring about and the homework she never did and what someone was, in fact, wearing that day. She remembered when she used to like dressing herself, at least. Long time ago, it felt like.


    She liked this, though. Atwood may not have been a constant press of bodies on Friday nights, but the small downtown it had was active. A nice bar and a bar no one every really talked about, restaurants of varying quality, a theater that showed the two most uninteresting but popular movies it could find. Still too much for her. This field by the little convenience store wasn¡¯t too much. A couple families would see her and wave, too busy with shopping to interact. Other than that, she was alone. She liked that.


    She didn¡¯t like how long it took Shannon to respond to her. Five un-pocketings of her phone. She squeezed her hand into her pocket for the sixth time, which was like trying to fit a Labrador head into a Chihuahua collar. Women¡¯s pockets. She was surprised when there was a brightly lit notification, plainly there. Shannon blank-last-name, message hidden. She didn¡¯t like people prying, even if it was only the first few words.


    I told you quarter after four


    A pause. Shannon was typing something else.


    Lucky you, I am a genius. I¡¯m heading out now, be there in ten. Or so


    Pandora blew another raspberry. Four o¡¯clock for Shannon. Five after four for Ellie. Both had spent the past hour getting home and doing homework. Hers had been acting as the stuffing in her backpack-turned-pillow.


    Her stomach growled. She hugged it with both arms, a slightly hunched and slightly hungry goblin. She added to the look by puffing out her cheeks. Hungry for once and all she had on hand was a field of grass and whatever was in her bag. The previously mentioned stuffing, ingredients theoretically listed as paper and cardboard and ink. Nothing edible.


    An unnecessarily thorough and definitely hopeless search of her front pockets came up short. No change. Certainly no bills. Same for the small pockets of the backpack. Not even any stray coins underneath the papers and books from when she¡¯d thrown the tiny wallet in there in a hurry. Probably during a slushie-induced fugue state. Fuck. Fuckity fuck.


    She could have gone into the convenience store and promised to pay the cashier back for one of the pre-made sandwiches. He¡¯d known her since she was a kid. But that was embarrassing. And she wasn¡¯t good at that. She was awkward enough to receive many sharp remarks and a handful of frowns but not much pity in these moments. And that sort of thing would get back to her dad eventually. Not worth it.


    She slid down until her head was resting on the bag and the rest of her body was splayed over the grass like a sweaty puddle. If she went home there would be something in the fridge or the cupboards. A gourmet combo of crackers and cheese. But it was almost four. Her dad would be home, on the couch, in full view of the door. No getting passed that. And she didn¡¯t want to answer about homework to be done or why she was hungry when her assumed hearty and healthy lunch had been four hours ago (it had been non-existent was the answer). Should have went directly home after school. She could have eaten her meal of champions in peace and left. Stupid.


    ¡°Everyone at school talks about all the grass stains on your ass. This is why.¡± A voice said. Pandora raised her head a bit, chin clunking chest. Shannon, in a white sleeveless dress, purse slung around her chest like a bowstring. Probably for the best. The black jeans weren¡¯t a good choice. Pandora had been sitting in a light sweat all day.


    Pandora made a little noise of recognition as she watched Shannon walk over. Looked down. Grass stains on her pants. Fuck. She¡¯d never really noticed that. Her stomach made a quick frown and a drop like she¡¯d missed a stair in response. Of course everyone else noticed but her.


    ¡°Any response from Ellie?¡± Shannon asked, looming brightly above. Not sitting. Fresh grass on a white dress and all.


    ¡°Five minutes.¡± Pandora responded.


    ¡°Of course. What a slowpoke.¡± her friend said jokingly. Pandora caught a downward stare leveled in her direction before turning to look at approaching traffic. A blue car of some kind. Not new. It blew some wind and dust at the two. They both squinted in response.


    ¡°That was a joke, I hope you know. No one¡¯s talked to me about you, and I haven¡¯t heard anything about your grass stains around school.¡± The downward-casted stare was slightly different now.


    Pandora looked up at her.


    ¡°I know.¡± She said with a neutral face. She hadn¡¯t. But she was glad it had been said. Shannon smiled crookedly. Then held out a hand.


    ¡°Please come with me and help me pick out a snack. I¡¯m hungry but don¡¯t want to ruin my daily calorie limit, so you¡¯re either going to be a good friend and stop me from buying a whole bag of Doritos or you¡¯re going to at least help me eat them.¡±


    The hand was taken and Pandora was half-helped up and then had to pull her entire weight up with one arm after a certain point. Very purposeful on Shannon¡¯s part, she felt. Once both girls were on their feet, they walked arm-in-arm into the store. Shannon¡¯s choice. She was almost dragging Pandora by the crook of her elbow. It wasn¡¯t great. Probably wouldn¡¯t be replicated anytime soon.


    They had what they wanted in thirty seconds. The next couple minutes were spent wandering the aisles, procrastinating going outside into the heat. They passed the candy and the bread and soups and toiletries. It was a big space, for the lowly label ofconveniencestore. The coolers hummed, threatening the promise of sugar. Pandora wanted to call them on that promise, but then she was back around to thinking about how fiscally empty every pocket she owned was. She had a debit card, but she wasn¡¯t confident she could tell someone the exact amount in her account if a life depended on it.


    Shannon pulled the bag open before they were out the door. She waved behind them to the guy behind the counter. Not who Pandora remembered from previous visits. It may have been his son. Todd? He¡¯d gone to their school, been a year ahead of them. Probably.


    Shannon took a chip and then inclined the bag towards Pandora. Who then took as much as she could fit in a kinda-large-for-a-teenage-girl hand with a neutral look on her face. Shannon managed to look unimpressed with a mouthful of crunch.


    Ellie was already waiting a couple feet from where they¡¯d had been sitting. The indent from Pandora¡¯s bag was sitting, waiting for it¡¯s bag-slash-partner a foot from her friend¡¯s shoes. She scrunched her eyebrows together and frowned as the two approached. It at first seemed like frustration at chips shared between two out of three friends without input from the third. Then she said:


    ¡°Aren¡¯t you hot?¡± And she meant it. It wasn¡¯t a jab like Shannon would give me. Which would be good-natured, but still a jab. Genuinely concerned, as Ellie was inclined to be.


    ¡°Yep. I¡¯m full of regrets.¡± Pandora responded. Also genuine. It was hot. Ellie frowned a bit deeper.


    ¡°It¡¯d only take us a couple minutes to walk to my place. My shorts would fit you.¡±


    That was waved off with a chip-free hand and some vague noise amounting to, ¡°No thanks, It¡¯s fine.¡± Ellie nodded a bit and then reached out a hand towards the chip-possessing pair. Palm open, ready to receive a snack.


    ¡°It¡¯s nacho.¡± Shannon said right before she crunched another chip between her teeth. Ellie pursed her lips.


    ¡°Yes, I can see the bag.¡±


    ¡°I was under the impression you didn¡¯t like nacho.¡± Shannon said all-knowingly.


    ¡°Yes, but I didn¡¯t get to eat anything after my run because both of you have no patience.¡±


    Shannon surrendered the bag to her, holding it by the bottom and tilting it towards Ellie. She did the same as Pandora, grabbing as much as her hand could fit. She won in that regard. Hers were bigger. Definitely-large-for-a-teenage-girl hands. More food to horde for her.


    That spot was occupied for a couple minutes by a silently-snacking trio. Pandora didn¡¯t really want to sit again if no one else would and Shannon had her dress and Ellie a pair of fashionable but athletic red track shorts and a sky blue t-shirt. Neither of those were very grass-friendly.


    ¡°Anyone have a hair tie?¡± Pandora asked after swallowing a mouthful of cheese dust and chip. Ellie had her blonde hair in a small braid and Shannon had pulled hers back into a loose auburn tail. Seeing that really cemented how hot a mane of very thick and very black hair was on a neck.


    Ellie wordlessly removed one from her wrist and handed it over. Shannon held the bag of chips and once again looked unimpressed.


    ¡°You have absolutely zero hair ties on you?¡± When Pandora nodded distractedly, band between cheese-powdered lips, trying to focus on getting everything into a bun without missing any strands, Shannon continued:


    ¡°You¡¯re an actual sociopath. Ellie has had her hair this long for a year and she has enough on her wrist to share with both of us.¡± Ellie raised her eyebrows high and looked up and away in response, as if to sayI¡¯m not involved in this.


    Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.


    Pandora frowned around the obstacle keeping her quips in her mouth and ran fingers through catches and knots. Shannon apparently felt like having the last word was for cowards and went for the last-er word, asking, ¡°So, what are we doing tonight?¡±


    ¡°We could see a movie.¡± Ellie responded. A deeper frown from Pandora and a shake of the head. Silence as hair was smoothly pulled back. One hand then grabbed the circumference of the tail and the other the hair tie, freeing words from mouth.


    ¡°Don¡¯t have any money.¡± Pandora said. Ellie pursed her lips a bit. Scrunched her eyebrows together once again.


    ¡°One of us could buy your ticket. It¡¯s fine.¡± She interrupted an open Pandora-n mouth unintentionally with, ¡°My mom also said she hasn¡¯t seen either of you in ages, I think she¡¯d give up the living room for a movie night.¡±


    Ellie¡¯s mom was right. Pandora did miss going over there. It had been what, a few months? Almost a year. Shannon had started getting busy with her therapy and trying to keep her grades level and Ellie had been getting hormones sorted and trying to figure out a new style and Pandora had just been getting used to staying in her room. They¡¯d seen each other at school and talked easily but she couldn¡¯t remember the last time she¡¯d slept over at one of her best friend¡¯s places.


    But she also didn¡¯t want to sit in that moment. Her brick/phone had been turned from vibrate to silent around three thirty and she really couldn¡¯t handle trying to actively ignore it while on a couch, trying to pay attention to a movie.


    ¡°I haven¡¯t seen my second mom in a while, and you have air conditioning, so that sounds fine with me.¡± Shannon said


    ¡°I don¡¯t wanna be inside right now.¡± Pandora stated. Interrupting that summer-in-Ontario fantasy of a temperate movie-watching experience. Shannon looked at her once, the natural instinct when someone spoke. She then gave a more considered look. Her expression shifted into something softer.


    ¡°Okay,¡± she nodded while she spoke,¡± any suggestions?¡±


    Pandora was silent while she thought. She came out here a lot. The fringe part of town. It felt populated enough she wasn¡¯t worried about getting hurt or getting attacked. But there was also a calm to it that the areas around her house didn¡¯t have. She could put some music in one ear and walk and sit and not think and not feel pressured to look days and weeks ahead and focus on how it was going to be the exact same as the hours she¡¯d just lived.


    Shannon and Ellie were talking while she was staring off into space. Shannon was talking at Ellie, actually. Ellie liked to listen. She wasn¡¯t offended by it.


    Pandora¡¯s eyes settled on a point past them. Where grass behind the convenience store became a bit more wild, met the edge of the forest. Something turned in her stomach a bit. Another missed-stair feeling of a different tone. It wasn¡¯t necessarily bad. A bit sad, but she didn¡¯t hate it.


    ¡°Remember that little clearing we used to play in?¡± She said. Shannon stopped talking and looked over with her silence asking for a repeat of the question. Pandora acquiesced and pointed to the woods for clarification. Shannon blinked a couple times, taking in the information. Ellie turned her head and furrowed her brow and stared.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Shannon trailed the word off. Ellie turned back to us.


    ¡°Let¡¯s go there.¡± Pandora said.


    ¡°You wanna take a hike on Friday night?¡± Shannon asked. She seemed to remember the chip bag in her hand at this moment. She began to roll it up.


    ¡°Yeah,¡± came the response. Lamely. Couldn¡¯t put the ideas into words properly. The sensation of running and climbing and whatever like when they were kids had flashed before her. Just for a moment, like a camera¡¯s impermanent light. But it was very rapidly fading away and just leaving her with squiggles and spots in her minds eye she was having trouble explaining with human language.


    ¡°We¡¯ll be under the leaves, there¡¯ll be shade. I kind of like the idea.¡± Ellie said, shrugging. Shannon stared at both of us for a couple seconds. Then nodded and spread her hands.


    ¡°Okay, but you and me aren¡¯t wearing pants,¡± she pointed at Ellie and herself,¡± so we¡¯re going to be very careful. And if we see any poison ivy or whatever, we¡¯re heading back. Okay?¡±


    Two firm nods. Shannon gave a tilt of the head and a look very much like her mom when she seemed satisfied with an outcome. Then she held up the now-sealed bag of chips.


    ¡°I am also definitely not carrying this, so if you want anymore you can take this. Otherwise, say goodbye to the Doritos.¡±


    Ellie and Pandora said nothing. The urge for nacho cheese had been filled. It had never really existed, in one of their psyches at least. Ellie shook her head and waved her hand a bit. Shannon nodded, the satisfied look crossing her face again for a second. She threw the bag into the dumpster behind the store as they began to walk.


    Pandora slipped her other arm through the dangling strap of her bag once the shade of the forest hit her toes. Tightened both the straps so it sat higher on her back. Then she felt the bag catch on something and turned her head to look. Shannon had a finger looped through the mesh bottle holder.


    ¡°Putting my purse in your bag?¡± She phrased it like a question. A nod. Ellie held up her wallet as well. Another nod. After they zipped Pandora back up, they continued .


    Ellie had been right. The shade helped. It was cool and even a bit wet under the ceiling of leaves. Pandora led them through, eyes out for three-pronged fauna. All of them were armed with that usual dose of sudden onset forest-paranoia. It was slow going. Shannon and Ellie were taking careful steps and although Ellie and Pandora wore shoes, Shannon¡¯s poor-in-hindsight decision of cute sandals was impeding forward progress. She was trying not to drive a stick or a rock in between her toes or under her feet.


    Pandora had been alone for an hour before Ellie and Shannon had shown up. Hadn¡¯t talked to anyone. Now she had people with her and it was still just silence. Little crunches and cracks of twigs and leaves interrupted that every so often.


    It was comfortable, though. Ellie was probably fine. There were times when Shannon wasn¡¯t around and the two lapsed into warm silence. Pandora along the floor or squeezed into the leather armchair Ellie¡¯s mom hadn¡¯t wanted in the living room anymore. Ellie righteously claiming her bed as her own via a starfish-like position (but she was willing to share). The two would scroll and read on their phones. Sometimes they¡¯d pass them to each other and show funny posts and laugh but that was it.


    Sometimes Pandora would sit and draw. Ellie as the occasional living subject. There was half a Dollar Store sketchbook filled with doodles of her spectacled face. Sometimes she¡¯d play the guitar Ellie had that she never touched. Neither of those things had been a regular occurrence for what felt like genuine years. Literal years, as some would say, and in this instance those some would be wrong.


    But it had been a long fucking time.


    Shannon was probably itching to say something, though. Not that Pandora minded usually. She wasn¡¯t stupid and she rarely ever spoke without meaning. She just liked to talk. When she got the two going it was good. Theories about a show or talk about how a movie was good or bad or aggressive gossip about school. She actively posed for the amateur life drawings of her friend. There was a large portion of a very special and very dead tree that held dozens of drawings of this specific girl on it¡¯s processed insides.


    ¡°What are we going to do when we get there?¡± Shannon asked. They were fairly deep in the forest now. Her voice sounded odd here. Like it wanted to echo and bounce but something was stopping it just short of where it should actually end. There was an edge to her tone. The sharpness of realizing you were farther from home than intended.


    ¡°Climb a tree.¡± Like they used to. They¡¯d never told their parents about this spot, really. Pandora¡¯s mom would have never let her come back. Shannon¡¯s parents would have just had a worried fit. Ellie¡¯s mom would have been mellower. Calm and mad and disappointed. An equation which subtracted the childhood fear of an angry parent to enhance the crippling shame of it all.


    ¡°Oh, yeah, wow, that¡¯s a fantastic idea.¡± Shannon paired this with a single gesture to show off sandaled feet that somehow came off as really condescending, for an action bereft of a vocal component.


    ¡°You didn¡¯t come prepared. Boy Scout¡¯s motto.¡± Pandora said. Her voice carried that same strange texture. Muffled. Words spoken in a room draped with blankets. The unfortunate point in that comparison was that the forest around them had nothing of the sort.


    ¡°Fuck off.¡± Shannon meant that as a joke, probably, but it held a quality like an accidentally broken tooth. Unintentionally sharp. Pandora turned slightly and saw her slowly moving her eyes back and forth with every step. Like she was crossing the longest street ever.


    ¡°Guys.¡± Ellie said. She¡¯d stopped without much fanfare and without the notice of her friends. And was a few feet behind because of it. Shannon did the same upon the realization of the sudden distance. Pandora took a few slow steps to lose the momentum she had built up. They both stared.


    ¡°Have either of you not noticed the lighting?¡± Ellie asked quietly.


    Pandora spun a full circle. Everything was a bit blue. Like someone had slipped a bit of coloured plastic wrap over the sun. The bushes and the bark and the dirt underneath still had their original tones, but filtered through a pale arctic. The world had turned off its blue light filter, it seemed.


    ¡°Okay.¡± Shannon said strangely. She had her head on swivel like she was planning on crossing a street.


    The temperature hadn¡¯t changed. It was still a bit cool like a forest would theoretically be. Room temperature, or so. The cold lighting was mismatched with the bit of heat leaking through the leaves.


    ¡°The sound is weird too.¡± Pandora. Her voice was crisp, like speaking in a library full of books or a studio full of acoustic foam. Or a department store you felt the need to whisper in. Shannon looked at her for a moment. Ellie bit her lip and pushed her eyebrows together. Shannon clapped, and the sound didn¡¯t seem to carry nearly as far as it should.


    ¡°We¡¯re going back.¡± Shannon stated. Her voice was solid and stern. Like she was talking to an argumentative toddler and expecting the absolute worst. Pandora took a bit of silent offense when her friend¡¯s eyes fell on her.


    She said nothing for a moment. The sensible and immediate reaction was to agree.


    But some part of her brain thoughtwoah, cool.


    ¡°Okay.¡± She said, after a suspect pause. Ellie was already turning to walk. Shannon followed her and Pandora followed Shannon.


    The sounds of wood and dirt underfoot was strange now. A bit unnerving. Too loud in the quiet, too amplified and enunciated. After a minute or two, there was some expectation for the blue light to fade away. It didn¡¯t, of course. They continued for another few minutes regardless. Ellie was the one to stop them once again. She turned and sighed. Said nothing. Managed an aura of aggravation regardless.


    ¡°We cannot just go forward. I don¡¯t want to be that person.¡± Shannon said. She was tapping her feet and crossing her arms.


    ¡°Me or Ellie will tell everyone that if we make it out. That you weren¡¯t another horror movie character.¡± Pandora said, looking around slowly, not focusing on the words or the movement. The sunlight coming down through gaps in the leaves was a strange mix of yellow light overlapped with blue. It didn¡¯t mix or weave together. It just sat, one on top of the other.


    Shannon didn¡¯t laugh or respond. Neither did Ellie. They both looked nervous and uncomfortable in their own way. Pandora felt like a bit of an asshole for that comment. Best to move on from that.


    ¡°We would have been able to at least see the end of the forest by now. We either see what¡¯s waiting for us or spend the rest of our lives walking,¡± she said. They were silent for a few moments. Then:


    ¡°God fucking damn it I hate this,¡± Shannon said. She was holding her hands tightly under her armpits like she was cold. Ellie was standing very still behind her, hands clenched in distracted fists, looking thoughtful and distressed. Pandora stared at them for a moment, then stretched out her arm and offered a hand to Shannon. She took it. She mirrored Pandora¡¯s action with her other hand, and Ellie took hers.


    It was only three or four minutes to the clearing. Which didn¡¯t make sense, but they actively didn¡¯t think about it. That was a topic for mulling over in a dark room under the covers, when sleep would not come.


    Shannon had Pandora¡¯s hand in something resembling the crushing grip of an angry anime mecha. She duly wondered how her friend had scoredthat lowon the grip test. She wanted to look back and see if Ellie¡¯s face was in fact appropriately contorted in correlation with the crushing of her metacarpals, but felt like it was an inappropriate time.


    The clearing was a perfect circle. A fact that was obvious in hindsight, but not picked up by silly child brain that didn¡¯t particularly care about those kind of observations. The main attraction was a deliciously gnarled but grievously old tree. The knots were like thick and hardened growths bubbling over the bark, perfect for climbing. The large limbs gave a sturdy place to relax, although that may have changed in the seven years that had passed. Time comes for us all.


    The air was completely still here. The individual blades of grass didn¡¯t shift an inch in any direction. The only movement was three girls, shifting dirt and leaves as they stepped over foliage and set foot in the meadow, and the small creature sitting at the base of the tree.


    It was snow-hued, given a tint like a blueberry slushie with most of the flavour sucked out. Credit given to the odd and otherworldy light beaming down from an unknown source. It looked a bit like an arctic fox, same general face shape, same posture and complexion. But it was longer and sleeker and had less of the puffiness of fur that they did. It¡¯s eyes matched that ethereal robin¡¯s-egg that was cast over everything. It had a bit of plume scarfed around it¡¯s neck that broke the solid white with a splash of cool ash.


    ¡°Hello.¡± It spoke. It¡¯s voice was female. Deep and soothing and like the voice you¡¯d immediately think of when someone said the word mother, and coming from somewhere other than it¡¯s mouth. It hadn¡¯t moved anything but it¡¯s tail with that single word.

 memories like sunken ruins 1.2

    The air was still. Ellie and Shannon were silent in return. The little creature was quiet and staring forward patiently. Parentally. Waiting for an answer without assumption of intelligence. Neither Ellie or Shannon seemed particularly inclined to speak up at that very moment. They had gotten nervous, clammed up. Ellie¡¯s fists were balled up tight and she was biting her bottom lip. Shannon was very still. She was breathing slow and heavy.


    This was unfortunate, because Pandora had never claimed to be the socially apt friend.


    ¡°Hi.¡± She said. She hadn¡¯t fucked that up. It was pretty hard to fuck up. Her voice did waver just a bit, though, and the tone was less than friendly.


    Thoughts to mull over when not faced with a motherly magic mammal. Filed away under how do greetings work? for later dissection.


    She wasn¡¯t even scared. Really. Just uncertain. About what to say, when to speak. But again, that wasn¡¯t a just-this-situation thing. She was used to those feelings by now. But the bitch of it was, it never seemed to get easier despite the frequency. Man.


    The creature seemed to smile at the short response even though her face didn¡¯t move at all. Her whole aura seemed to get happier. Delightfully scary. Leaning more towards one for Pandora and the other for Shannon and Ellie, said the silence.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know how much of a help this will be, but you don¡¯t need to be scared.¡± She said. Both Ellie and Shannon remained scared. This was a very big ask for someone who wasn¡¯t Pandora. Ellie was withdrawing like she normally did in most situations. Shannon tended towards something so different it was polar, though. Ellie and Pandora hung back; it felt like the natural formation. They were the base of this friendship triangle and Shannon formed a very vocal tip that they often took for granted but never regretted.


    ¡°You¡¯re going to have to prove that.¡± Shannon said.


    Which Pandora was frankly thankful for. Again, no fear head empty and all that; she just had two to twenty trains of thought riding through her head at any given picosecond in this scenario and they were attempting very violent and fiery crashes when she wasn¡¯t focusing solely on them. These trains were named things such as why are we here and how are you doing such things and what are you, ma¡¯am?


    ¡°Gladly. Tell me how I can make you feel more at ease, and I¡¯ll do it, within my power.¡± Shannon seemed to be taken aback by this. Pandora made a well-educated guess that Shannon had no way in mind for this statement of civility to be proven.


    ¡°What is that?¡± Pandora interrupted. ¡°Your power.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s a broad question.¡± The fox-mom responded. Pandora reoriented her brain to focus the inquiry.


    ¡°What is this?¡± She gestured around, arms encompassing blue light and still air and statue-grass.


    ¡°Without getting too in the weeds with terminology, because I know you girls have places to be and we could be here for hours otherwise, it¡¯s a pocket dimension. I own it, as far as anyone can own anything like that. It¡¯s not very large; the borders don¡¯t even reach the edge of the forest.¡±


    ¡°Please just hold on a minute.¡± Shannon said roughly. She was looking through the creature that aesthetic-d like a prize from a Pok¨¦mon vending machine, but the way she was hovering her shushing finger between where Pandora stood and where the general space of the motherly-vulpes began made it clear she was talking to both parties. Pandora attempted to steer those trains once again in the following silence.


    ¡°Let us out of this place and I will be a lot calmer about talking to you.¡± She shot a level gaze at the creature. Her lips were pursed. Pandora noticed the little shakes running through the now-being-lowered-from-an-accusatory-point hand, like someone was playing piano on Shannon¡¯s tendons.


    ¡°I assumed you had places to be. Time doesn¡¯t move in here, so I thought it would be more convenient.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t really care.¡± Shannon responded. This could be read as off-the-cuff and casual. However, Shannon combined pissy exasperation and fear in appropriate quantities to really sell the tone. Potentially just a you had to be there sort of thing.


    The thing nodded slightly and then inclined her head. Wind tickled skin like the first few centimeters of a worn horse-hair brush. Gentle, but still shocking to the nerves after dead stillness.


    Shannon took a deep breath and the warm forest air had an effect on her. Her eyes softened tonally without much real change in physicality, and her mouth had colour juice back into it as the thin line of lip-to-lip pressure gave way.


    ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡± Ellie asked softly. Pandora and Shannon both turned to look at her. As if to say, ¡°Ellie can speak?¡± Which is a stupid question. Statistically, most humans can.


    Ellie was still tense. Hands still in fists. But the question showed that there was still some calmness beneath all that tightness.


    ¡°Lady.¡± She said. Ellie nodded at that.


    ¡°Hi.¡± She said, minutes after the initial greeting from Lady. Pandora had an errant thought of how Ellie had really just copied her attempt at a lame greeting. Then she made it go away. Lady glowed with that feeling of a smile again. It was contagious.


    ¡°Why are we here?¡± Pandora asked in the break that followed that.


    ¡°I sensed your girls presence in this particular spot. It was faded, but legible. It was one of the only places you seemed to frequent that wasn¡¯t full of other people, so I thought it was appropriate.¡± A literal interpretation of the question. Not what Pandora had meant, but knowing was said to be half the battle. And she wanted to know the fuck out of this situation.


    ¡°We just happened to wander out this way while you were here?¡± Shannon asked. Her arms were crossed now.


    ¡°Luck played a part in it. This clearing has been a temporary residence of mine for a week or so, I think. I was going to give it another day or two and then try something else.¡± Shannon arms got even more crossed at that answer. The crossing of limbs yielded diminishing returns, but it wasn¡¯t stopping her.


    ¡°You wanted us? Specifically us?¡± Pandora asked.


    ¡°Yes. Well, no. I didn¡¯t. Someone did, and then I was sent here, and then I was told to find you. I think that¡¯s how it usually goes.¡± Lady¡¯s tail was moving back and forth in small motions now. It was rustling the grass as it went.


    ¡°I would like to play this game of twenty questions in a more comfortable mental space, okay Socrates?¡± Pandora took that as a dig and ate it silently. She was pretty sure Socrates was a very old Greek dude that was connected to intelligence in her head somehow. She didn¡¯t think she was being insulted for being Greek or old, considering neither of those were factual statements. So she just let that one go.


    ¡°Please tell me why you are here in this town and what you want from us that was so important you were sent here to find us.¡± The interruption jarred Pandora a bit. More silence. Time to look to Shannon and put hands on those trains.


    ¡°You three have inherent qualities that attracted something important. You¡¯re going to want more details on that aspect but I can¡¯t give them to you. I wasn¡¯t told what sort of great traits you possess, or who recognized them inside you,¡± before Shannon could speak, Lady continued:


    ¡°There are things none of you know about. After I tell you this, even if you don¡¯t go forward with what I want, you¡¯ll see beyond the veil. You¡¯ll see creatures you thought were only in books. The Fae and spirits of the elements and ghosts of mortals since passed from this realm. You¡¯ll notice the mages who use deals to barter with these creatures and gain power you three see in films and fantasies.¡±


    Shannon was looking at her impassively. Stone faced. If this was anyone else, anywhere else, it would end with the same energy she gave peddlers that had the gall to hand her small religious pamphlets of questionable origin. A politely awkward greeting-slash-goodbye and immediately throwing everything she had been given into the trash. Both mentally and physically.


    But the disappeared blue light and the sudden reappearance of wind on command really sold the whole thing.


    Ellie was wide-eyed and blinking. Her hands were still fists hanging at her sides. She was grabbing a bit of her shorts between her knuckles and palm now. Ellie wasn¡¯t dumb or gullible. But she was more willing to believe things and then be embarrassed if they turned out to be lies.


    And Pandora was feeling something. It wasn¡¯t whatever peace came with her walks around town and her music in her ears and the time she spent in the dark in her bed. Excited. She was excited. It was something that wasn¡¯t going to school and coming home to her dad and then going to school and coming home to him again, with one more additional thing to place on the pile of things Pandora was lectured about.


    ¡°There are people who fight all this. Despite the look beyond your small world they remain wholly human, unwilling to change. They use whatever they can to hunt and kill dangerous things for whatever reasons they have. To answer your question, that is what I want from you; to fight. But not like that. These hunters, they train from a young age, which you three have not. You would die, and that is not the outcome I desire.¡±


    ¡°What do you want?¡± Pandora asked. Hadn¡¯t even really meant to. The words were quietly unintentional and spoken between shuttered lips. They¡¯d just slipped out, an intrusive thought given physical weight.


    But she wasn¡¯t scared. It wasn¡¯t the muted tones of being fearful. She was thinking that an hour ago, she had been fighting off the images of her in Atwood, circa twenty years from now, stuck in another schedule she didn¡¯t care about. An hour later, that image was being shattered like a metal boxing glove to a glass pane.


    ¡°I can¡¯t tell you all there is in this world. The creatures that roam it are immeasurable. But I will leave that fight to the mages and the hunters who desire it. Because there are even more powerful things that lie in the spaces between the pieces of this world. They can¡¯t be labelled like the vampires or the ghouls. They are old and ever-changing, and that is where their power lies. They cannot be fought with the guns and traps of the hunters or the small hordes of magic the mages build. I want you three to accept this simple deal: great power accompanied by the responsibility that goes with it.¡±


    They all looked at Lady for a few moments. Ellie said nothing, as thinking it over slowly was her brand. Shannon said nothing because her brain was a overheating like an improperly cooled computer tower. And Pandora said nothing because she hated being the first to speak.


    ¡°I need you to go into some more detail, because this is close to just shutting my brain down.¡± Shannon said. Lady didn¡¯t respond for a couple seconds.


    ¡°What would you like me to explain?¡±


    Now it was Shannon¡¯s turn for silence. Pandora could see thoughts forming on her face, which was a rare sight for her. Ellie spoke before she could.


    ¡°What exactly are we fighting?¡±


    ¡°That is difficult to answer in specifics. Old things. Things that have been around since fire and light created this universe. If left unhindered, they will be around until fire and light consume it.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re-,¡± Pandora struggled for a word that didn¡¯t sound lame,¡± Powerful?¡± That was still lame.


    ¡°Yes. That power varies. Sometimes they can draw others into their realm. Sometimes they send things out to cause chaos or bring others back. But inside the spaces they reside, they are all-powerful.¡±


    ¡°And you expect us to fight these things and win?¡± Shannon asked. Pandora could tell she was starting to catch up to the speed of the conversation, because her anti-bullshit tone was making itself apparent. Zero to a hundred in ten seconds. She didn¡¯t know enough about cars to compare Shannon¡¯s brain to a nice one.


    Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.


    ¡°Not as you are. Humans are like motes of dust to these things. Even the powerful mages of this world would be slaughtered like insects. The power they draw on is finite and requires rituals and limitations.¡±


    ¡°Yours doesn¡¯t?¡± Ellie asked softly. Not as scared, anymore. Curious. Feeding off the energy of her friends, which was moving from the apprehensive side of the dial to something less meek.


    ¡°I draw from whatever sent me, and you draw from me in turn. To your comprehension, this well is bottomless. It requires no bindings or symbols to access, and no words or incantations to use.¡±


    ¡°Okay.¡± Shannon said. Not an agreement. Just acknowledging the statement. She understood. She was in the know. She continued after a deep breath.


    ¡°You said it was a deal. We get this power, and we use it to fight, but what¡¯s the upside for us? Power is nice, but I don¡¯t want power for power¡¯s sake. That¡¯s not me.¡±


    Lady seemed to think on this for a few seconds. She tilted her head back and forth and swished her tail.


    ¡°I do not have an answer that will satisfy you, I think. You three have been tapped because something was seen in you that could do good for this world. This is not something I will force on to you. It is yours to decide, just as any role of protector should be.¡±


    Shannon nodded at that. She pursed her lips and looked down. Thinking hard. Her arms were still tightly crossed. You could slip some coal between her torso and her biceps, and just maybe a diamond would pop out.


    ¡°I think-¡° Ellie began, stopping as they all turned to look at her. She took a small breath, ¡°I think that I would say yes.¡±


    Shannon blinked in surprise at that.


    ¡°Me too.¡± Pandora said. Shannon turned dramatically to look at her. Betrayal and shock. Wow.


    Pandora had found- an in? an out? A door to something else? There was a lot of terms for it that she couldn¡¯t decide on. She was told she didn¡¯t care about x so often that it was like spilling water in your lap during a downpour. X, in this equation, could be solved as school or university-slash-college or a career. She couldn¡¯t stand to think that far. To think of the same routine for the next five years, and then an equally routine sort of routine for the next fifty or sixty or seventy (probably closer to forever, with how Ontario was looking. Would retirement even exist when she came of age?) years.


    ¡°Stop. I¡¯m not agreeing to this yet, we haven¡¯t even talked about this, just us.¡± And that was what worried her. Shannon was very good at talking. Pandora could see her talking them out of this. And Pandora resenting it, blaming her best friend for a what-if that got away until they both perished.


    ¡°If we don¡¯t say yes right now, will you leave?¡± Ellie asked Lady. Lady shook her head at this.


    ¡°Your friend isn¡¯t wrong. This is a big change. Take a day to talk among yourselves. I will be here when you get back.¡±


    Shannon seemed satisfied at this. For the first time in a few minutes, her arms hung at her sides. The chance for that diamond, gone now.


    ¡°Tomorrow. At the same time. We¡¯ll answer then.¡± Shannon said, looking to Pandora and Ellie. Pandora looked down at her phone as she pulled it out. She nodded. Ellie did as well.


    ¡°I shall see you three then.¡± Lady said. The girls turned and breached the tree line. Lady sat under the sparse leaves of the old tree, fur blowing in the wind.


    No one spoke for a few minutes. They walked and crunched and snapped along until they hit the edge of Atwood. Shannon only spoke once she took in the small town noise and hot sun and familiar buildings.


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t give me a good feeling.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Pandora asked.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I haven¡¯t had time to organize my thoughts yet because my brain feels like it was blown up, but I don¡¯t like the permanence of it.¡±


    ¡°Do you have a problem with it? With what we¡¯d actually be doing?¡±


    ¡°Uh, fucking yes. She said these things live in the cracks in our world or something, that sounds so insane, Pandora. That sounds like where things go to die.¡± Shannon¡¯s arms were crossed again. But she didn¡¯t hunch her shoulders or draw herself in when she did it. She was still standing tall, shoulders back, looking strong.


    ¡°But it sounds like we would be helping people.¡± Ellie said.


    ¡°You¡¯re going to med school. I don¡¯t think you¡¯re against helping people.¡± Pandora added.


    ¡°Jesus, guys, that¡¯s not my fucking issue with this! What¡¯s going to be the cost of that? When I become a doctor, I¡¯m going to be giving up a lot of my time to care for people in need. That¡¯s so far from risking my life and diving into some hell world that it¡¯s comical.¡±


    Neither girl could dig up a response to that. Worry of bodily harm was a fair point of contention. Pandora silently wondered if her lack of worry should be worrying in-and-of itself.


    ¡°I still want to do it.¡± Ellie said, lips pursed and eyebrows pulled together.


    ¡°Why?¡± Shannon asked.


    ¡°Because Lady said people were drawn into these places. Imagine what it¡¯s like for them in there, without whatever power Lady is giving us. They can¡¯t do anything, from the sound of it. But we could.¡±


    Shannon uncrossed her arms and cupped her hands and put her face in them. For a split second Pandora¡¯s hackles raised from none to done because she thought her friend had burst into tears. The rarity of that from Shannon made the uncomfy meter go up even higher. She needed to leave but that would also make her a huge asshole.


    But then she started rubbing her face and pandora could see she was just exasperated without a trace of much sadness or moisture.


    ¡°I don¡¯t think I can have this argument right now, in the field behind the convenience store. My brain feels like it¡¯s in pieces and I¡¯m already fucking tired, and it¡¯s only five.¡±


    Ellie and Pandora waited for her to finish her thought. The could sense the thinking still happening.


    ¡°Can we sleep on this? Meet up for breakfast or lunch tomorrow and talk?¡± Shannon asked. Ellie nodded.


    Oh. That had been an unexpected turn. Pandora had been banking on another handful of hours with friends. Or maybe even a sleepover. Could have avoided going home completely.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± She said neutrally. There was a few seconds of feet-scuffing and looking at shoes before they said good-bye. Once they were out of sight, Pandora grabbed her chaotic and tangled snake of earbud wires and charmed them into a straight line. She occupied one ear with music and begrudgingly began an unwanted journey.


    The door was unsurprisingly unlocked. Pandora¡¯s dad wouldn¡¯t go anywhere but the store when the couch and the TV were in his living room, and it wasn¡¯t grocery day yet. Maybe if the furniture and electronics were attached to a parade float and sent down the busiest street in town, he¡¯d finally get out of the house.


    ¡°Hello?¡± Her dad called out. From the living room.


    ¡°Hi.¡± Pandora said. She was practiced in slipping her shoes off without much fuss, which let her get up the stairs and into her room without any more words exchanged. She tried to keep that to a minimum. Stairs to the left of the front door, bedroom to the left of the stairs. Et voila, her own space. Safe, once the door was shut behind her. She dropped her bag and didn¡¯t spare it another glance.


    She stood in the center of her room and stared at not much of anything for a few moments. It was small-ish. With your back to the door, her bed was tucked into the corner to the right, underneath the windows. Her dresser acted as a footboard. Across from that setup, a desk and a conglomeration of light wood planks that could kind of hold books if they weren¡¯t too heavy. Beside that, a tiny closet that required the constant giving-away of clothes.


    The curtains were slightly open, from her bumping and tugging them with stray body parts in morning dark. Seventeen years and she couldn¡¯t wake up without the gyroscope inside her chest needing minutes of calibration. She gently closed them. Made sure the edges were touching before she let go. She snaked her arm (that was getting a bit too grown-up big for this maneuver now) between desk and wall without disturbing the peace of the curtains again. With a plastic sort of flick, the switch hanging from white wire brought a hot ember glow to strands of bulbs above the bed. The only decorative thing in her room, giving off just enough light to see what she was doing without becoming an annoyance.


    Her not-completely-full sketchpad was sitting on the corner of the desk. She picked it up. Let a pencil and eraser roll off and tried to guide them to the desktop. They hit the wood with two very distinct sounds.


    She thumbed through the pages quickly. Saw small sketches of Ellie and Shannon. Nothing more than little pictures in the corners of actual projects. More detailed drawings of things she found cool. A bird that had landed on her windowsill and stayed for an almost suspiciously long time. Some attempts of practicing hands at different angles. Different sets of eyes. They looked a bit too cartoon-y to her.


    She found the next blank page. Grabbed the discarded pencil and eraser and sat on the edge of her bed. This tended to be accompanied by the throwing-away of jeans and the clothes-of-the-day so she didn¡¯t associate her bedroom with the outside world, but she didn¡¯t want to turn this into a thing. Just lay down a base for the lately-very-rare feeling that was projecting from head to hand.


    Her foot tapped as she drew. It had been a while and the pencil felt awkward in her hand. Sometimes it felt like she assumed a sword felt to a master warrior, an extension of her fingers. Easy to push along the page. Right now it was actively fighting to do everything she didn¡¯t want. Maybe it would have been more helpful to try to draw a fruit and see if her desired outcome would appear by happenstance. But it helped that she had a picture in her head. Lady began to form on the paper in broad, light lines.


    Then her stomach made tiny, angry noises, and she put the book and pencil and eraser down on the bed (where they would inevitably get lost in the covers and require her to strip the bed to find them) and swung her feet a couple times. Blew a raspberry. Then stood up.


    Her room always felt comfortable. There was a sense of something weird underneath that, because if her dad knocked she couldn¡¯t really just tell him to go away, which broke the illusion she tried to set up in her head, the invisible and tenuous wards against the rest of this building¡¯s atmosphere. But it wasn¡¯t the rest of the house. It was hers. She didn¡¯t feel like she was aware of every movement she made.


    So she sighed through her nose as she opened the door and made her way down the stairs. Always swung the door closed behind her. Learned behaviour from impromptu lectures given in the living room or the kitchen or the room itself, wherever her dad caught her when he¡¯d see some dishes on her desk while passing by the door.


    She had been right earlier. They had cheese and they had crackers. Saltine crackers, which, not a favourite. But she was hungry and impatient and sometimes that required eating like a frat boy. And she didn¡¯t want to spend time watching something cook. If she sat here it would end in words pertaining to homework not done or some poor performance in some aspect of the life she lived. Chores, grades, exercise, what she ate. If she left something cooking to sit in her room, she¡¯d probably miss the timer. And there is the illusion broken once again, when she¡¯d be told from the doorway without a knock about how she couldn¡¯t just leave things cooking, and has she done this or tried that yet? Which was just a long journey to get to the same destination as option one.


    ¡°How was your day?¡± Her dad asked from the kitchen doorway. He was walking in, going for the fridge. She double checked quickly to make sure the crackers were back and the cheese was in it¡¯s proper place after both had left her hands maybe five seconds ago. They were. No words about that.


    ¡°Good.¡± She said, grabbing a flat, shallow bowl and putting in the row of crackers and hunk of cheese. A plate would have been ideal, but it was the first dish her hand had touched.


    ¡°You¡¯re eating when I¡¯m going to put dinner on.¡± It should have been a question but it wasn¡¯t. A statement, interrogator to perpetrator.


    ¡°I¡¯m hungry.¡± She was making her way to the other door now, where she¡¯d come in. Nate would have just walked away.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna end up throwing out this food, because you won¡¯t eat it now and you don¡¯t seem to want to eat leftovers.¡±


    Sometimes the things he said were true. It was like having a terrible opinion on crime statistics. Sometimes you get to the correct conclusion through the completely wrong deduction. She didn¡¯t always hate leftovers, she just consistently managed to forget that they were there when everything was in the same clear container with a red top. Which was on the rare occasion she decided to go searching for things to eat.


    ¡°Sorry.¡± She said. Automatically. Nary a thought before the word came out. She waited for a comment on that but it didn¡¯t come. She was arched awkwardly around the doorway now, like she was trying to have as much physical presence outside the space as possible while still being involved in the conversation.


    ¡°That¡¯s also a lot of crackers. And cheese. Lunch was a few hours ago. If you ate better, threw some protein into your meals, you¡¯d probably be full for longer.¡±


    ¡°Sorry.¡± Automatic. Like a robot. And now there definitely had to be something-


    ¡°You say sorry or you shrug and I don¡¯t know what that¡¯s supposed to mean. It¡¯s not an answer.¡± He said. It didn¡¯t feel like a complete thought. There was stuff left unsaid from all the previous interactions. Pandora was consciously thinking Don¡¯t say sorry halfway through his statement.


    ¡°I¡¯ll eat dinner when I get hungry later.¡± She said. She was staring at the dish in her hand as she said it.


    ¡°Thank you.¡± He said. She couldn¡¯t tell if he believed her, and couldn¡¯t tell if it mattered sometimes. Theoretically, she was doing what he wanted in this moment. If she deviated later, he¡¯d deal with it later. Which was fine with her, because she just wanted to get out of this moment.


    Honestly, she didn¡¯t even believe her. If she was hungry later, she¡¯d just nibble on leftover crackers.


    She put the bowl somewhere on the desk, in a place reserved for things she didn¡¯t care about anymore. She¡¯d been imagining sitting at her desk in a real chair, lamp on to radiate more brightness than she usually tolerated, food easily available to grab between pencil scratches. She just let it sit beneath the unlit light and curled up in a sandwich of variety, her back and the wall serving as bread for a stack of pillows. She rested the sketchbook on bent knees, close to her face, and tried to slide into where she left off. Whatever little bit of magic that her fingers had entertained had fled in the intervening minutes, which was clear to see after maybe sixty seconds of absolute garbage put to paper.


    She drew and erased and then tried in another spot and hated that too. She threw the pencil and eraser across the room in a sudden spiteful mood, one after the other to show them who was boss. It most likely didn¡¯t work. They landed on the desk smugly, with two distinct noises.


    She almost did the same with the sketchbook. Thought better of it as it sat plainly in her hands. The barely-started silhouette of Lady was good. It had form, okay proportions. She didn¡¯t want to ruin it. So she closed the pad and placed it on the floor, under her bed so her morning feet wouldn¡¯t trample the poor creature to death.


    Then it was time for the ritualistic removal of the jeans and the socks and the blind fishing in discarded pockets for phone and earbuds. She plugged one into the other and placed the buds in her ears and opened Spotifiy. Which Shannon had so gratefully decided to help out with by putting Pandora on her family¡¯s plan. She pressed play on the last thing she¡¯d been listening to, and the album continued down its digital journey.


    She opened her texts and went into Shannon¡¯s messages. A new one, sitting at the bottom in apologetic colour.


    S: Sorry about me freaking out back there. I don¡¯t want to sound like a bitch and shoot all ideas down that aren¡¯t mine


    P: It¡¯s okay


    S: I can never read your tone when you say that, so it always sounds like you hate me. Please confirm I didn¡¯t piss you off


    P: It is actually okay in the literal use of the word


    S: Okay


    I¡¯ll send details in the group chat about our meeting tomorrow.


    Breakfast cool?


    P: Yep


    S: Yay


    Ellie is fine with breakfast as well


    Don¡¯t let me steamroll you guys. I¡¯m unsure about whatever this is but don¡¯t let me do that


    P: I won¡¯t.


    Don¡¯t really have anyone to talk shit about you to if I let you get away with stuff and hold feelings in, so this will have to do


    And I want this

 memories like sunken ruins 1.3

    It was still hot out.


    Southern Ontario in the last couple weeks of June, sans air conditioning. Pandora had woken up feeling like she would have been much more comfortable as a corpse and then immediately took a cold shower. It had been around seven o¡¯clock on a Saturday, which was existentially abominable on its own, but the chilled water on her skin put up a fight against the humidity for about sixty seconds before succumbing to the heat. Hher body had tasted quenching moisture, which made the juxtaposition worse by handfuls, and she was damp as well as hot. Like a cognizant swamp. It had just made everything worse.


    Now, she was messaging the group chat to see who was up. An instant and angry response from Shannon.


    Go back to sleep you asshole. You woke me up


    Pandora had a sudden remembrance of her friend saying she slept with her ringer on. She didn¡¯t like to miss calls or messages. Oops.


    P: Sorry


    Couldn¡¯t sleep


    Was hot and thinking


    Had a cold shower and now I¡¯m really awake


    S: I can tell


    Stop messaging now so I can sleep in peace


    Her stomach growled. She put the phone down and look around. The once-delicious snack of yesterday was now just a piece of stale cheese and sealed saltine crackers. Although one of those was still edible without pushing any boundaries of the word, she wasn¡¯t in the mood for something that sad.


    And she was also comfortable now. The shower had dropped her temperature and it was currently rising (very rapidly) to meet the heat of the room. But the fan she had facing her bed was catching damp skin and hair, and the gathering of pillows and blankets felt more like a cozy nest than a tool in which to smother herself with. She ignored the lazy commands of a hungry stomach and settled in.


    It was twenty or thirty quite useless minutes of scrolling. She¡¯d been doing that a lot. Twitter or Reddit or Instagram. She used to listen to things, to scroll with purpose; to find a reference or inspiration. Then she¡¯d grab the pad and the pencil and select some long background noise and hunker down.


    Now it was just pointless. There was a lot of things that pulled at her brain in just the right way. But it wasn¡¯t a strong enough come-hither to move her from the sticky, staticky stasis her brain fell into. Other times, she¡¯d stop and stare and consider, and the most her brain could produce was a tiny no. As in, no, I can¡¯t do that right now, please don¡¯t make me. So she didn¡¯t.


    But at least it was quiet. Her dad and her were alike in one single, nocturnal way. Awake late and up late, when given the option. There was no footsteps wandering through the kitchen or the hall. She wasn¡¯t deep-down worried about a knock at the door followed by minutes of silence (from her, not him) as he stood in her doorway and had her listen, enraptured as an audience of one solely from lack of escape. Where else would she go?


    No hearing him yell because his laptop had the gall to not follow orders. No sitting with one earbud always slightly out so she could catch when he called her name from downstairs, because if not, you always have those headphones so loud. They weren¡¯t even headphones. Earbuds. There¡¯s a difference.


    She¡¯d broken whatever spell her phone had on her. She didn¡¯t want to keep scrolling. No longer peace time. Just minutes she could be spending getting ready to leave in silence, without questions and comments. So she got out of bed and pushed through ancient dresser drawers and eventually just threw a baggy white t-shirt and some jean shorts on the bed. She knew she owned things that looked a lot better. And she knew because she used to wear them frequently. But she didn¡¯t have time to care.


    She also knew that wasn¡¯t the real reason. But it was easier to not dissect that right now.


    After dropping the clothes she¡¯d slept in on the floor, she gave herself a test-y sniff and figured she didn¡¯t smell. And if she did, well, it was summer in Ontario. Everyone smelled. She tucked the shirt in to the waistband and decided it looked fine without consulting a single reflective surface.


    She was quiet with the bedroom door and quiet on the stairs and quiet with the front door. None of them slammed or emitted traitorous groans of alarm. All she had was her keys and her phone and her earbuds. All of which kind of (almost) fit into the (stupid) pockets on her shorts. If she had the sort of figure that dude¡¯s clothes draped attractively over, she¡¯d wear them instead. As it was, her butt had gotten hit with too much puberty for unisex shopping. And even a lot of female shopping, if she was being truthful.


    Her wallet had nothing but a debit card and old receipts at this point, and it had been made clear as crystal that the former was very empty. Shannon never ate all her toast when they got breakfast anyways.


    It was quarter to eight when the sole of her right foot hit the outside world. She wasn¡¯t against walking for fifteen minutes. The library had air conditioning and internet, but it was more than a fifteen minute walk. And also definitely closed. Maybe.


    She''d be knocking on Shannon¡¯s door at eight. That would probably cause immense displeasure. But, the world was going to bend to her will today. She demanded it. If Shannon had went to bed late, sucked for her. Pandora needed to talk about this.


    Shannon¡¯s place wasn¡¯t even a ten minute walk away. So she dawdled. Walked slower than she usually would. Which would normally annoy her (places to be so might as well get there fast) but she was still in her post-sleep catatonia. So she kicked at stones and took a bit of a weird route. There was a tabby cat roaming a driveway a few houses down, and she took some time with that. Not a lot, though. She didn¡¯t need someone yelling at her for crouching conspicuously beside their car.


    The only reason she could so confidently walk up to the door and knock was because she knew mom Shannon and dad Shannon¡¯s schedules. A plethora of weekend sleepovers behind the kids and no change in jobs for the adults. Her dad worked a mostly normal schedule. Occasional days of going in early or staying late. Her mom woke up at six, though. And didn¡¯t tend to sleep that much later when she could.


    Her mom answered the door. She looked like she had coffee in her already and was only a little surprised. She changed her reaction quickly enough.


    ¡°Did Shannon invite you for breakfast without telling us?¡± she asked. It was playful. Pandora didn¡¯t think Shannon had ever forgotten much in her life. That was what made her so fucking annoying.


    ¡°The three of us are getting breakfast. I decided she¡¯s slept enough. She doesn¡¯t know that yet.¡±


    ¡°Ah, yes, there was something like that mentioned last night.¡± She stepped aside and herded Pandora in with a flap of her hand. She closed the door once everyone was in and safe from the sun-punched nightmare outside. Air conditioning. Maybe they should have breakfast here.


    ¡°What did you three get up to in-¡± she thought for a moment, ¡°-not even an hour, if I¡¯m remembering right? Shannon came in and went straight to her room. No talks or real hello¡¯s like she usually gives. Her little debriefings about her day.¡±


    Well shit. Pandora hadn¡¯t thought of an answer to that question. Her dad had been too worried about the parts of dinner she couldn¡¯t stomach to ask about it.


    ¡°I forgot Shannon isn¡¯t a hiker like me and Ellie. We all ended up walking around town. Talking. None of us had water.¡± A stupid lie. Bit awkward. It had happened before though. Not in a few years, so, embarrassing for Shannon. Pandora would forget to apologize later.


    ¡°Ah, that¡¯ll do it. Hope she didn¡¯t get a sunburn.¡± She frowned deeply for a moment. Worried over it in her head. Pandora could see the train of thought gliding smoothly along its rails. Just like her daughter. She remained patiently silent during the Worried Think. Shannon¡¯s mom finally arrived at a station of thought she deemed appropriate to stop at, and remembered the seventeen year old looking neutrally in her direction.


    ¡°Go on up and try to wake her, if you can. Check for that sunburn first before you jostle her.¡± She smiled. Pandora flashed her one back. Knew she¡¯d hate it before it happened. She did, in fact, hate it. She never felt them reach her eyes anymore, and it felt like everybody could tell.


    She made her way up the stairs, avoiding the creaks she knew were there. Mucho time had passed and yet she was hit with a wall of immediate and intimate familiarity. The big square landing and the off-white walls and the big bathroom just across from the top of the stairs. The thing hanging next to it that she¡¯d described as a tapestry that Shannon had punched her in the arm for, because it sounded pretentious (it was a tapestry. At minimum tapestry-adjacent). The bookshelf on the wall beside Shannon¡¯s room that honourably held all the books no one read, and therefore did not want in their rooms.


    And her door. She¡¯d actually taken some stuff off it from when Pandora had last seen it. Her locker was completely bare. No pasted art or cut-outs or even doodles with pencil. Really clean. So you wouldn¡¯t expect the organized mess of all the little things on her bedroom door. Magazine covers she liked and doodles Pandora had drawn on corners of sheets and pictures they had taken all sat a bit askew, purposefully chaotic in the way that a handsome guys¡¯ hair is messy in movies. Attractively messy.


    Inside, her warm white walls and shelves and light wood desk and paintings that added a splash of colour. And her queen-sized bed that could fit two of them comfortably. It was always a bit of a squeeze in the other two beds. But they managed it. One person was always on the floor. That was the rule. Didn¡¯t matter whose house it was, they''d always keep the turn order going. Just because it was your bed doesn¡¯t mean you got to sleep in it.


    She woke up as soon as Pandora opened the door. Eyed the intruder warily from under bedhead and blankets.


    ¡°I hate you.¡± She said. She didn¡¯t throw the blankets over her head or try to hide under a pillow. They had played this game many times, and really, no one was the winner.


    ¡°Told your mom you basically got heatstroke. Me and Ellie walked you around Atwood too much yesterday gossiping.¡±


    ¡°Aaaand now I don¡¯t have to have that conversation,¡± she grated out through dusty throat muscles. A bit groggy, ¡°Good. Pass those.¡± She pointed at a vague spot and it took Pandora a couple seconds of stupid-eye for her to see the bundle of clothes. She grabbed them. Pajama shorts and a matching t-shirt. Shannon threw the covers back and revealed the not-at-all matching tank top and cozy underwear.


    ¡°Thanks.¡± The single word was bursting at the seams with hints of no-caffeine-fatigue and frustration. Trying to speak and catch the wad of cloth and stay awake at the same time.


    "Did you tell my mom we¡¯re getting breakfast?¡±


    ¡°Mhmm.¡±


    ¡°I may have to make her not come then, she likes the Ruddy Gull a lot.¡± The fabric over her mouth auditorily swaddled the words. If Pandora closed her eyes she could imagine the conversation was being had over a drive-through microphone.


    ¡°Oops.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s fine. I¡¯ll promise to bring her something and she¡¯ll grumpily accept. We¡¯ll just have to come back here first before anything else.¡±


    ¡°We told Lady we¡¯d meet her at three thirty. Think we got time.¡± Shannon grunted at that in a similar way you wave your hand dismissively at a question you don¡¯t like. Her just-awoken hope she had dreamed yesterday evening had been slapped out of her hands and shattered on the floor.


    ¡°Text Ellie and try to wake her up like you did me. Someone else can suffer too.¡± She pulled the shorts on and looked down at a pair of slippers. Decided against it. She left the door open, assuming Pandora knew the physics behind a door if she wanted it otherwise


    Her room was spotless. Or rather, the spots that were there sliced through the white-and-sandy-wood with neat aplomb. Even when they were young it had been like that. Three girls worth of energy in a room with lots of pillows and dolls and toys and game consoles. Then maybe one-and-a-half girls worth of energy when Shannon had them help put it all back. She¡¯d been less, ¡°Personable seventeen year old who had learned to wield a tongue of silver,¡± and more, ¡°Decisive dictator in her element,¡± back then. The first bitch Pandora had ever spat out into this world had been at Shannon. She¡¯d been more prone to physical violence back then, so it earned Pandora a much-too-enthusiastic slap.


    Pandora followed her instructions (as she had been since they were kids, and would probably continue to until she died). An automatic Wifi connection had earned her one notification from Reddit, three from Twitter and one from Google telling her to back up her data, please. No Ellie. She pulled up her texts.


    Shannon wants you up


    I had the audacity to wake the dragon from her slumber early so she wants you to suffer with her


    No response. She waited and stared at the screen for a minute (but actually only about ten seconds). She could hear water on porcelain and a plastic handle tap-tapping the sides of a cup.


    Still nothing.


    Hey


    Hey


    Hey


    Shannon will make us walk over to your house


    She won¡¯t be nice about it


    Hey


    Hey


    Hi


    I¡¯m awake now


    You¡¯re still at her house?


    Yep


    Okay


    Give me ten minutes


    I¡¯ll be quick


    She walked out of Shannon¡¯s room and stood in the bathroom door. It was medium sized. Both the door and the space beyond. Bigger than Pandora¡¯s. Had a nice tub for lounging and a showerhead with settings she wouldn¡¯t know what to do with if you gave her five minutes alone with it.


    ¡°She says she¡¯ll try to be quick. Ten minutes.¡±


    ¡°She¡¯s probably gonna run here and be all sweaty when she comes in. Dork.¡±


    ¡°I threatened her. Said you¡¯d make us walk to her house.¡± Shannon tilted her head and widened her eyes at that in an accepting gesture. She agreed.


    She finished up in the bathroom and then immediately went back into her room. She took a few minutes to pull out and put back clothes while Pandora sat on the bed and watched and scrolled on her phone. She¡¯d hold something in Pandora¡¯s direction every thirty seconds and receive an opinion she usually ignored. Eventually she settled on a white tank-top and yellow skirt that sat just above her knees. She pulled some ankle socks on et voila, she was done.


    ¡°You take too long.¡± Pandora said this more to her leg, as she was trying to pocket her phone without dropping it on the floor, but Shannon knew who it was really addressed to.


    ¡°I¡¯m not putting on makeup for another hike through the woods so I want to look mostly cute at breakfast still.¡± Pandora shrugged at her and accepted the point. Accepted she hadn¡¯t had to sit through the, ¡°I want to put eyeliner on,¡± situation. Pandora would have been made to do it. She had steadier hands. And a greater grasp of symmetry.


    ¡°Oh! I would have gotten dressed if you¡¯d told me you¡¯d be this fast.¡± Her mom said as they descended into the foyer and by extension, the kitchen.


    ¡°Can I convince you not to come with us just this one single time?¡± Shannon asked.


    Her mom deflated a bit, mostly on purpose and very dramatically, and Shannon put her hands together in front of her chest and tilted her head a bit. Her mom began to pout a little.


    ¡°Promise to buy you something and bring it home mostly-fresh.¡± Her mom ruminated on this for a few seconds. Still in the same sad position.


    ¡°We¡¯ve got to talk about some stuff just us three.¡± Her mom straightened a bit.


    ¡°Fine. You have a deal. I¡¯d like the smores French toast then. My treat today, for acting as my delivery girls.¡±


    We followed her to the front door. She grabbed her wallet from a purse hanging above the wood rack of shoes and presented a fifty to Shannon. Then immediately pulled out another ten and put it in Shannon¡¯s hand.


    ¡°Get your dad some eggs and sausage. He¡¯ll be extremely unhappy if we leave him out of this.¡±


    ¡°Okay. Thank you. Love you.¡± This was said on an immediate heel-turn to the door which honestly left Pandora a bit discombobulated and distraught. She managed to follow without running into a wall. The heat was like a gloved punch to the face. Pandora gave a longing glance to the door, where Shannon¡¯s mom now stood. She could swear there was a difference in the visible quality of the air between inside the foyer and out here. Maybe she already had heat stroke.


    ¡°You and Ellie are invited for dinner, Pandora, anytime. Not just tonight. I feel like I haven¡¯t seen either of you in ages.¡±


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    ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll let her know.¡± Pandora said back. Waved at her a bit. She smiled and waved back and closed the door. Leaving just them. In the scorching heat.


    ¡°Things seem okay.¡± Pandora said after a minute of steps. It was partially because this wasn¡¯t a conversation for parental ears and partially because she was pretty sure her brain was melting like plastic left on a stovetop and she had been assessing the neural damage.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± She didn¡¯t say it begrudgingly or sadly or with a sigh. Just stated it. ¡°I can tell they want to know more. Even when I said we needed to talk about things, just us three, my mom wanted to ask. But Dr. Obando told them that was the opposite of what they should do. They wanna overcompensate but they can¡¯t, so it feels like they¡¯re walking on eggshells around me.¡±


    ¡°They¡¯re asking. At least.¡± Pandora thought that was a fantastic response. In a completely facetious way, though. Good friends check on their good friends, so she had to make an attempt.


    And she was still unnerved she hadn¡¯t noticed. Shannon had heard about the- whatever, with Pandora¡¯s dad. Ellie¡¯s coming out. Ellie¡¯s coming out again. She¡¯d been slowly melting down like a nuclear reactor with a leak, unnoticed by the emotionally-spiraling maintenance crew around her.


    Fuck, did nuclear reactors leak?


    ¡°They treat me like I¡¯m gonna start crying again at any random question. Fucking hate it. I was able to do my own thing and deal with whatever I needed to without people treating me so-¡° She paused. Seemed to come back together. ¡°Treating me like a child.¡± She¡¯d crossed her arms again at the start of the sentence. Now she was leaning her right elbow on her left hand and upon closer inspection by Pandora, was not chewing her nails. The edges of teeth were pulling at little pinpricks of skin beside the beds. She¡¯d be tasting blood soon if she kept at it.


    ¡°Hey.¡± Pandora said without much of a tone. Gave her a little slap on the hand. Shannon blinked and looked down.


    ¡°Shit.¡± She tucked her hands into the pockets of the skirt. Took a deep breath. She didn¡¯t blush, a higher being such as Shannon had overcome bodily functions like that long ago. But the language of posture was letting loose long whispers of you weren¡¯t supposed to see that.


    And then they saw Ellie running up the road. Good form, like always. She wasn¡¯t even breathing that heavy, even though Pandora was sure the air was solid enough to form hands and throttle her if it wanted to. It gave the peaceful summer day an edge of danger.


    ¡°Hi.¡± She was panting lightly. What a champ. Wearing something very similar to yesterday. Forest green shorts and a white athletic-wear t-shirt, with the sleek lining and material that absorbed moisture and all that. Hair up in a bun with a few loose strands from the activity.


    ¡°All of us wearing white tops. Matching clothes is a crime, at least one of us has to go home and change.¡± Shannon said. Ellie looked down. So did Pandora. Ellie rested her hands on her knees and stuck her tongue out at Shannon.


    ¡°My mum gave me ten dollars.¡± Ellie said. Shannon waved the syllables away before they even reached her face. Pandora had a sudden and intrusive imagining of Shannon literally waving away words. When they dodged her hand, they threw her against a set of lockers and chased her the rest of the way down a hall. Words hurt.


    ¡°My mum gave me sixty because she wants us to grab breakfast for her and my dad, so it¡¯s cool. We just can¡¯t take too long now.¡± There were no complaints from any party involved at this statement.


    Pandora made them walk probably at a speed of roughly too fast for this heat. She was going to throw a tantrum if she didn¡¯t get water. Either in her mouth or on her fucking body at this point. She¡¯d bathe in the cup like a baby bird if she must.


    Pandora must have looked determined enough it was radiating from her, because someone was waiting for her with menus in hand at the door. Either the woman was psychic or she felt Pandora¡¯s need for liquids from around the corner.


    Or maybe something else. Whatever.


    They were seated. Smiled at in the happy but not too happy way that weekend waitresses do. Drinks taken (coffee for Shannon, orange juice for Pandora, just-water-please for Ellie), menus propped open and looked at. There was the silence of a group of people being too interested in their menus because they didn¡¯t want to start what they¡¯d came here to talk on, for a hot minute.


    ¡°I need you two to genuinely convince me that this is a great idea. So great it completely blows apart my hesitation.¡± Pandora and Ellie looked at each other. Pandora had purposefully not put her glass down and honestly, started chugging even faster when the silence hit. She motioned to Ellie. Her friend drew her eyebrows together and looked at her angrily. Then:


    ¡°I don¡¯t know. I said my thing yesterday about how we can use this to help people and I stand by that. I don¡¯t- I don¡¯t know what else to say besides that.¡± She bit her lip again. And looked at both of them.


    Then she placed her hands on the table and put them together into one big ball of fingers. She went to speak right as Shannon opened her mouth to respond. Ellie clammed up a bit. Shannon restarted her sentence.


    ¡°Okay, that¡¯s really good. And I¡¯m not being a bitch and making fun of you for wanting that. But this isn¡¯t, fucking, Sailor Moon.¡± (Pandora wanted to retort it was a bit like Sailor Moon, but she knew the cost of pedantry at this point), ¡°Lady stated she wanted us to fight. We¡¯re being given power and we have to fight, and it doesn¡¯t sound like something from an anime where we throw cards down or use magic that knocks people into cute dust clouds and then we tie them up. I care about these other people trapped in these places, but I-. I have things I want to do. Things I¡¯d like to live for.¡±


    Pandora hadn¡¯t stopped sipping water and was frankly afraid she may never get hydrated again.


    Ellie had started in the middle of Shannon¡¯s speech. They all had a moment of silence. The waitresses decided, as they do, that the moment where two customers had liquid in their mouths was the perfect moment to appear.


    ¡°Sorry for the small wait girls, coffee machine was acting up.¡± Pandora rapidly choked down the last of the water from her mouth, trying to be free to talk before the server finished moving her lips. She had a whole you have to touch that pole before that car passes you or you¡¯ll die moment.


    Shannon spoke up first anyways, as she was wont to do. Once again, they went around the table. Oatmeal and Shannon, breakfast burrito and Ellie, and scrambled eggs sans toast and Pandora until Shannon gave her A Look she could feel the capital letters in, so breakfast poutine and Pandora instead.


    ¡°Food¡¯ll be ready in a few.¡± They received another tip-worthy smile and off she went. Another moment of silence stretched out like a rubber band. Pandora forgot who had been talking because she¡¯d been so focused on the social interaction with a person she barely knew. Ellie snapped the rubber band with:


    ¡°I just- I feel like this is something we can do that¡¯s good. You¡¯re going to become an awesome doctor and help a bunch of people, but I don¡¯t even know what I¡¯m going to do in the next few years. Maybe this is something I can do right now that can be helpful.¡± Ellie said. She took another icy sip that almost guaranteed chips of ice clacking against her teeth. Pandora needed a refill, and so therefore decided to awkwardly move hers to the edge of the table in the hopes she wouldn¡¯t have to flag their server down.


    ¡°You¡¯ve been quiet this whole time. Even last night, afterwards, after we set this meeting. Which means you¡¯re thinking hard about it.¡± Shannon said. Pandora felt like she¡¯d been caught in A Moment as her hand was still halfway to moving the glass where she wanted it. Which was in her mouth, as an excuse for why she couldn''t speak. She stared into the pile of refracting ice as she settled the cup into position.


    ¡°I think Ellie¡¯s right. Your direction is basically set. I don¡¯t feel like that,¡± she closed her mouth a bit too quick after that. If those words were real, she would have crunched off that period and tasted some fantastic punctuation. The bone-on-bone of teeth meeting too hard was something she focused on as she got into the do not overshare mindset.


    ¡°It¡¯s not school and home and repeat," pause, "And, like, magic. Woah.¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re being entirely too casual about this. That¡¯s literally what I¡¯m telling you that I¡¯m worried about.¡±


    ¡°Fuck. No. That¡¯s not what I meant.¡± Pandora wrapped her fingers around the glass of orange juice in front of her and made finger-y streaks in the moisture.


    And then like a succulent specter, their server. With a bowl of oatmeal in one hand and something suspiciously wrap-like in the other. Pandora was so not-hungry that she could probably bottle and unethically sell it, so she wasn¡¯t exactly complaining.


    They let the noise of plates being settled with circular sounds fill the quiet. Then they chewed and waited, because they knew Pandora¡¯s dish wasn¡¯t far behind. She cupped her juice again, feeling suddenly and entirely too much like a child at this moment. Unable to just get her mouth to say what she was thinking, leaving frustrated marks on her cup.


    After another couple minutes, her poutine was put in front of her. She thanked the waitress. The woman probably could have put a carton of chewed-up erasers in front of her and she would have reacted with about the same excitement. She managed a hot, damp fry into her mouth and about twenty sips of OJ to wash it down before she continued.


    ¡°You want to become a doctor because you can help people. And you want to push for more women in science and sociopaths are also highly represented in the medical field or whatever so you being there makes sense.¡± Shannon rolled her eyes at that and Ellie smiled. Pandora counted that as a win. ¡°But I know it¡¯s also something that gets you out of here. It gets you away from your parents and this fucking town that has nothing to do in it but get fucked and get fucked. You have a thing. This can be my thing. Our thing.¡±


    Ellie nodded a little at that and looked around. Shannon stare at Pandora. Pandora looked away from that basically immediately. Too much eye contact. Shannon wouldn¡¯t be offended. When she let her friend drift back into the upper half of her gaze, Shannon was putting her very hot looking mug down on the table and swallowing.


    ¡°You want this? You¡¯re not being dramatic?¡± She asked. Ellie said nothing, because words weren¡¯t really being directed at her, right this moment.


    ¡°Yes.¡± Pandora responded strongly. Poor choice of words. Dramatic resonated like kernels of food caught in a cavity.


    ¡°You just press go and you¡¯re off, Pandora. Even with homework and your art, it¡¯s a quick-ass decision for you. ¡®No, I¡¯m not doing this,¡¯ or, ¡®Yes, this is what I¡¯m doing, no further planning needed.¡¯ If we could recall the last whatever amount of years with perfect memory, that¡¯s probably been the source of ninety percent of the fights we¡¯ve had.¡± Pandora stewed for a bit after that one, honestly. She wanted to make some pithy quip about how they should reboot that shitty show about Sherlock Holmes¡¯ great-times-three niece and have Shannon star in it. Because fuck that show. And fuck Shannon.


    Instead, she let none of that show on her face. She was good at that now. Had been for a while.


    ¡°We all had last night to think about it. My mind hasn¡¯t changed.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s also really fucking hard to change your mind. I¡¯ve maybe done it five times in ten years.¡±


    Shannon, debate queen. They didn¡¯t have a team at their school. If they had, Pandora was sure Shannon would have asked to join, and when asked why said, ¡°So I can gaslight friends into agreeing with my beliefs but call it rhetorical efficiency so it sounds more palatable,¡± and they would have applauded and let her on. Pandora took an internally angry but externally stony drink of her juice in response.


    Pandora was trying to follow the thread of this situation in her head behind the gulping noises she made as she swallowed. She was getting angry, in part because Shannon was correct and Pandora would bare-knuckle god to have that not be the case. She didn¡¯t know how to phrase what she was saying. Her brain-to-mouth cable was frayed (which wasn¡¯t a new thing) and she was going to flip the bolted-down table if someone threw another overdramatic accusation again. Especially from one of the two people at this table.


    She wanted this. She just wanted to find the magic combination of words to make Shannon say yes. To not sound whiny and butthurt about her life when she tried to explain it to people.


    ¡°I can¡¯t-¡° Pandora stopped. Think before you speak.


    She hated that those words popped into her head now. The mantra of her childhood. Nate hadn¡¯t gotten it nearly as much.


    ¡°I want to do this. Your reason makes sense. Everything you said makes sense. So if you can¡¯t do this then I won¡¯t be mad at you. But I want this.¡± She¡¯d felt the word need about to exit her mouth, and quickly broke its knees and threw it into the boot of her car before it was vocalized. Overdramatic. She¡¯d been hearing that much too frequently.


    Shannon played a silent harmony of quiet stares and toying with her mug handle for a couple beats. Pandora took another bite of food that tasted like bad emotions (although she admitted it wasn¡¯t the food¡¯s fault) because there was nothing else to do.


    ¡°That¡¯s your final decision? With or without me?¡± Shannon asked. Pandora nodded. Shannon moved her eyes to Ellie. Who gave an unnecessarily panicked swallow in initial response.


    ¡°I guess.¡± She shrugged as she said it. Everyone at the table silently agreed to forget her almost choking there. ¡°You say it like we¡¯re breaking up. We¡¯re all still friends.¡± Which was said somewhere in between the definitive punch of a period and the rising of a question mark. Unfortunately, man has yet to create punctuation for that in-between tone.


    ¡°Yeah.¡± Shannon¡¯s sigh could have blown brick down and exposed the pigs inside. It could have finally given that last push needed to get that boulder up that hill. She put her spoon into her food like you would poke a finger into a close friend who uttered a joke that went a bit too far.


    ¡°Fuck, I hate both of you. Let¡¯s finish this and then go.¡± She continued. Pandora and Ellie met gazes without moving much besides miniscule muscles in the eye socket, like there was a sleek predator cat eating oatmeal in front of them. Shannon, like the sleek predator cat, still noticed the hesitation.


    ¡°Yes, we were going to meet Lady a few hours from now, because I was under the impression this conversation would be a lot fucking longer. Instead, we¡¯re gonna finish this and order my parents food, and then very quickly get it back to them before we head over to that clearing. I want to get this fucking over with.¡±


    The shade still helped with the heat. The humidity was sky-high today and it almost felt tropical in the forest. The sun was off their necks, but it didn¡¯t help the walking in a full pool sensation.


    Shannon had grabbed Amy¡¯s attention next time she made her rounds and ordered her parent¡¯s food. It had come just as they¡¯d finished. They¡¯d paid and quickly downed the rest of their waters before heading back out into the heat. Her mom was lucky she hadn¡¯t ordered ice-cream waffles or whatever other dairy-based dishes they had on the menu.


    They were all sweating at different levels now. It had been an on-and-off thirty minutes of walking, from the Gull to Shannon¡¯s place to the convenience store. They¡¯d raided the cupboards and grabbed whatever random bottles they had found and filled them at the tap. Shannon¡¯s mom hadn¡¯t even had to say anything; Shannon was the one who ordered it. Older Shannon had offered them each a couple oatmeal bars, however. They¡¯d taken a backpack and thrown all their stuff in it. It was currently Ellie¡¯s stretch of time to haul that around.


    Shannon¡¯s theory had been that Lady would be here regardless of time. She had admitted to sitting there for a couple weeks waiting for them, so where else would she go now. Ellie and Pandora had agreed. Disagreement wouldn¡¯t really get them much anyways.


    They entered the clearing. The sun was like a needle in the cornea. It seemed more direct here. The contrast of a few minutes under thick forest leaves. They all held up a hand to block the light. Like they were waving at some invisible giant.


    ¡°Oh! You three are fairly early.¡± Lady sounded genuinely surprised. She was sitting up in one of the lower branches in the big tree.


    ¡°The conversation about all this was done a lot earlier than expected. So I thought it made sense to come here and not waste another few hours.¡± Shannon said.


    ¡°Luck was on your side again; I was just about to leave to talk with another entity in these woods.¡±


    Shannon faltered without showing much of it. Like tripping and continuing with confidence that no one saw you. Ellie looked around like something was going to come out of the trees.


    ¡°Not one of the dangerous ones. It¡¯s something I was told to contact once I settled this situation with you three. Or found another group who was willing. It¡¯s an ally.¡± A pause. Pandora wanted to look to see if anyone else was looking at her. She didn¡¯t.


    ¡°What now?¡± She asked. A bit awkwardly. A bad segue.


    ¡°I was going to have this prepared for you before you got here, but it looks like you¡¯ll see me do it. Stay there until I¡¯m finished, please.¡± Lady hopped down from the tree and hit the ground like it had come up to meet her. She walked a bit away from the trunk and then turned to her left. Something was following her. Her tail was dragging and flattening the grass and where it touched it was trailing a line of blue light. The same colour as the world had been inside her pocket dimension and the same colour as her eyes.


    Pandora realized silently what was happening. Lady was drawing a circle. She kept quiet after that revelation. It didn¡¯t feel momentous enough to break the silence.


    Pandora sat down and watched. Ellie followed her. Shannon stood for a minute more, and then gave in with the incredulous action of tucking her skirt against her legs. They were oriented in a shallow triangle as they stared. Shannon was at the head. Pandora said nothing. It felt right.


    Lady finished the circle and immediately went inwards. Drew what ended up being three smaller circles. Three points of a triangle, with the base facing the tree. She connected those with straight lines. Then went directly into the center and drew another circle within that triangle. Her tail lifted after that. She took a seat in the last circle and turned to face us.


    ¡°Take any a spot in any of the three remaining circles, please,¡± she asked warmly. Again, the feeling of a smile without an expression.


    They all got up. They all brushed the grass off their bottoms. Shannon did so cutely. Pandora did so carelessly. They walked forward and stood neatly before the diagram. The lines glowed blue. They were bright and harsh and peaked through the moving glass.


    Shannon looked over her shoulder at Pandora. Then Ellie. Pandora nodded towards the drawing. Ellie just bobbed her head up and down a few times. A movement of only a few degrees. Permission from both of them for Shannon to step forward.


    Her fists were clenched. It looked inconspicuous, but it really wasn¡¯t for Shannon. When she released that tension, her fingers fell into full length. Small bits of skin were plucked beside her fingernails. A couple scabs. It broke up the otherwise well-kept skin.


    Her steps forward weren¡¯t tentative or shy. She just went. Directly into the top spot of the triangle. Ellie and Pandora settled on either side of her. Pandora, the right. Ellie, her left. Three eyes turned inward towards Lady.


    ¡°This is a ceremony. I can make this short and to the point. If you want to get this over with you can. But the old ways still apply to this, so stating your intentions and speaking your mind are encouraged. The forces that chose you saw traits within that they approved of, but telling them why you¡¯re here or what motivates you to chase this power will let them know what kind of person they really chose.¡± Shannon said nothing. Pandora took that as a sign she wanted to go last. Or at most, not first. She took a shallow breath and opened her mouth, but Ellie fired off that metaphorical starting gun first.


    ¡°Uh, I didn¡¯t say a lot in comparison to you two to argue for this. I agreed with Pandora. I said I wanted to help people and that this could be to us what Shannon¡¯s career choice is for her. But, uh, before this I didn¡¯t know what I wanted to do. I still don¡¯t, I guess. I know this isn¡¯t going to pay my bills and it¡¯s not something to replace school or a job. But while I deal with that I can do this. And it feels like I¡¯m moving forward now. That I can be more like my friend and more like the person I want to be because I¡¯ve found something I can do that gives me a purpose and that I can say makes the world better.¡± She took a shaky breath after that. It was a lot of words for her. In a lot of different ways.


    Shannon still said nothing. She was looking at her feet now, after meeting Ellie¡¯s gaze throughout. Pandora had been writing her script on the fly, editing and detracting in the moment, trying to figure out what she¡¯d say in front of three other people and a theaters worth of gravitas. She¡¯d also been trying to pay attention to Ellie. Like a poorly made pastry, as soon as a pint of pressure hit her she deflated. Her thoughts just stopped. Turned to mush.


    She took a breath. Was too focused on the wet sounds her mouth were making. Took another. She felt very tired suddenly.


    ¡°I¡¯ve lived in this town my whole life. With my mom and my dad and my brother at first. She¡¯s dead. Nate¡¯s in Toronto. And now it feels like everything around here is closing in on me. Because at home all my dad¡¯s shit has moved up to eleven and I¡¯m the only one there to focus on and outside we¡¯re supposed to be thinking about careers and post-secondary and the rest of our lives being on the horizon. Ellie said she didn¡¯t know what she was gonna do and I agree. It feels like quicksand dragging me down and I tried to struggle and now it¡¯s just easier to stop and relax and ignore it and not care. I don¡¯t care about any of it. I don¡¯t want to do this for another ten or twenty or thirty or whatever years because it already feels endless. And because every adult I see looks like they want to do anything but what they¡¯re doing.¡± She swallowed. A lot of words for her, as well. Like running a marathon when you only took brisk walks every day. She felt very suddenly underwater. She felt very suddenly seen. She ignored the burning pulls at the eyes and didn¡¯t clench her jaw because she knew that would be noticed.


    ¡°I want this. Because I can try to do something good without getting dragged into whatever everyone else in the world seems to have been dragged into.¡± She looked down at her feet. Tensed and clicked her toes inside her shoes and visualized that.


    There was arid noise from Shannon as a prelude to response. Rustling, scuffing of joints, teeth on flesh and other teeth.


    ¡°Both of you said you¡¯d do this without me. You¡¯re both assholes for that, I¡¯d like you to know. Because now I have to join this whole thing. Both of you would have agreed yesterday without a second thought, I can for sure see that now. So I agree that we can do good. I¡¯m never going to be against that. But I¡¯m here because my friends need me, because without me they¡¯re going to dive head-first into the fucking abyss with no one to hold them back. I could do what you guys suggested and stand by, and you could tell me stories of this between classes and after school. That would be fun. Like a movie or a TV show. I¡¯d be safe while getting to hear all of this magic and this excitement. But if you guys died and I knew I could have been there to tell you not to do whatever you did that killed you, I¡¯d never sleep again.¡±


    Lady bookended that with a warm nod. Pandora very suddenly wanted to go home. None of the excitement had drained from this, nothing seemed to change for the worse. But she wanted that anyways. Not that home was really that for her anymore.


    She rubbed her eyes and was startled with the realization she may look like she was crying. She stopped. Ellie had her hands folded in front of her, always demure. Shannon was standing straighter than Pandora thought she ever could, would¡¯ve made a bet that posture like that wouldn¡¯t have ever come from her friend, and she was looking down at Lady.


    ¡°These three magi have stated their desires and their motives. They have all been heard. None have been denied.¡± That auditory deadness was returning, like cloth being stuffed into ears. Like falling into a room covered in thick wood. Pandora¡¯s eyes were beating like twin hearts as well. Shannon and Ellie were breathing heavier, like dogs panting for water and trying to hide their thirst.


    ¡°Do you three accept this power and the role that follows it, to seek danger beyond any being of this realm knows and do anything within your new power to stop it?¡± Lady asked. Her voice sounded stronger now. The tone hadn¡¯t changed, and she wasn¡¯t shouting. But there was something behind it.


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    ¡°Yes.¡±


    The diagram flashed like someone had combusted chemicals beneath their feet. A sun exploding in the clearing, trying to take out Atwood with a white death. Pandora had a sudden thought, the feeling pushing through the crowd in her brain and taking an intrusive place at the forefront. Weird way to die, but at least Atwood is fucking gone.


    It wasn¡¯t. The three girls shared a single shaky breath, as if they shared one set of lungs and had decided to use them simultaneously. Pandora¡¯s legs shook. Tentatively, gently, but noticeably. Her attempt to sit down was more like a controlled collapse. Shannon and Ellie did the same thing, all of them getting lower limbs tangled as they hit the grass.


    The diagram was faded, now. More light gray than blue-white. Chalk smudged off the sidewalk by fast-motion erosion. A million footsteps in the span of a second. The thumping in Pandora¡¯s eyes was gone. When Lady spoke, she sounded motherly and caring. You¡¯d never know she just set a flashbang off in the forest.


    ¡°The contract is complete. Welcome, magi.¡±