《StairSekai - How I Fell Down the Stairs and Revolutionized Magic Theory in Another World》 I Really Hate Stairs It¡¯s in the title. I did that. I will not apologize. Their gods are dead and I did not kill them. Someone else did that. Or maybe not? To be honest that whole debacle was way above my pay-grade and I did not want any part in it. Where was I? Oh right. So I fell down the stairs and died, right? Well normally when you die, you don¡¯t expect to wake up unharmed in the middle of a big fuck-off desert. Not only that, but the computer that I had just finished building is probably sitting in pieces at the bottom of that accursed stairwell. In fact, I¡¯m pretty sure it was the 40-pound computer gently impacting my cranium that did me in. Worse than Caesar¡¯s betrayal I tell you. Some higher being that may or may not exist must have decided that I had it too easy and wanted to fuck with me. Well that ¨C or someone summoned me and fucked it up. Or maybe I noclipped out of reality when my computer hit me? That sounds like a more reasonable explanation, but this is not a physics textbook. This is an autobiography but with only the interesting parts, plus the death of my poor computer. Or is it an autobiography? It¡¯s not my whole life, so maybe not? Maybe more like a novel? ¡­ ANYWAY. Enough sidetracking. Desert. Hot. Thirsty. Survive.
Deserts are a pain in the ass to navigate. Like what force of nature or god or whatever decided to have nothing but sand for literal miles. The logical side of me knew the answer but I was NOT having it. I¡¯d have berated and attacked the sand but I was unfortunately more focused on not dying of thirst in the middle of the Sahara. So off I went in a direction. Which one? Don¡¯t fuckin¡¯ ask me; I have no clue. But what I do know is that I eventually encountered civilization. ¡­ Nah I¡¯m just kidding. I passed out because it turns out that your average 20-something year old comp sci major doesn¡¯t have the navigational skills nor the equipment to traverse a desert. Though as luck would have it, when I came to I found myself laying on a rather uncomfortable bed in what appeared to be a literal mudhut. Just great. With a grunt of worldly dissatisfaction I made motion to sit up, eyes open, only to be met with an unfamiliar face, attached to an even more unfamiliar frame. Their face was relatively normal, save for a pair of ears that jutted out to the sides in a dare I say knife-like fashion. A nearly stark-white asymmetric shock of hair reached their left shoulder, guiding my eyes lower. Their torso was built, though not to the level of a body builder. This person had clearly lived a laborious life in the sun. Jade-colored serpentine tattoos snaked across their exposed dark skin, making for quite an exotic overall persona. Had I lingered on their upper half any longer, I would have also noticed hardened plates on their shoulders and face, but my gaze had been drawn further down to what appeared to be a scorpion¡¯s tail. A scorpion¡¯s tail that was indeed attached to what seemed to be a rather large scorpion. But where was its head? Unfortunately I had already seen the head, for the front of this scorpion was attached at the waist to our dark-skinned compatriot. A clever cosplay indeed¡­ is what I would have thought if I hadn¡¯t seen the legs fucking MOVE. My intelligent and gracefully verbose response to this revelation broke the admittedly awkward silence as I- ¡°HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IN THE CHARLES ROBERT DARWIN ARE YOU!?¡± as I went from a sitting position to being pressed up against the wall in a pose not uncommon to be found utilized by someone with stage 5 arachnophobia. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. An awkward silence once again permeated the air as I stood still as a statue with a scorpion centaur thing across the room from me, regarding me with what a hypothetical onlooker would describe as a very unimpressed and mildly offended facial expression. My mind was still trying to recover from the admittedly overly dramatic reaction that I chose to use over the more diplomatic option. Our arachnoid friend chose this moment to speak, arms crossed. ¡°I am a Girtablilu, and normally travelers thank us when we save them from death. So if you¡¯re finished with your antics then we can try this again, perhaps with less screaming? My neighbor is sleeping and it would be wise for the both of us if we wish to avoid her ire. I am called Jasko, and it is mostly pleasant to make your acquaintance, loud traveler.¡± They spoke what seemed to be English, though their accent was thick. At this I was relieved, and so I opted to respond as coherently as I could. ¡°Yeah uh well met¡­ Jasko. I¡¯m Max. But more importantly, where am I??¡± Jasko regarded me with a look of what seemed to be pity, though that quickly devolved into confusion as they appeared to be having their own train of thought making rounds. ¡°You are in the village of Dilanja, near the Occlian border. I found you but a short distance south of here¡­ your tracks seemed to indicate that you were heading in the direction of our village. Was this not your intention? You had not any food or water with you, nor equipment for travel.¡± If you had been able to see into my mind in that moment, you¡¯d have been witness to the worst housefire since the Great Fire of London. First the stairs, then my PC, then the desert, and now this? With a quick chuckle, I responded. ¡°Haha so uhm any chance you¡¯ve heard of the city of Detroit?¡± Jasko closed their eyes in thought. ¡°No, there aren¡¯t any cities nearby, and I have not heard of one called ¡®Detroit¡¯.¡± My stomach sank at this. I responded with desperation lacing my voice as I slowly came to realize my situation. ¡°W-what about a country called America?¡± ¡°I am afraid I have never heard of a nation by that name either. Traveler Max, where are these places you speak of exactly?¡±
This cannot possibly be real. I must be out cold at the bottom of that stairwell. My conversation with Jasko had been a very confusing one. It had left me with more questions than answers, and unfortunately Jasko had errands to run, which resulted in me being left alone in his hut. To put it simply, I was currently in denial. A weird prank for internet points or something, it had to be. I had my doubts about that too though, considering the fact that Michigan is nowhere near a desert. I may have reacted poorly to Jasko initially, but after giving it some thought, I came to the conclusion that this very well may be real. The positively absurd idea that I had been isekai''d nearly broke my brain. Alright Max. Keep calm. Take inventory. You got this. ... Ooookay. So I''ve got my clothes from Earth, my jeans, a nice pink hoodie (probably only wear that at night), my phone, my wallet, a phillips screwdriver, and a microfiber cloth. I guess my phone could come in handy, assuming I can conserve the charge. That or maybe I could sell it if I really need the money... and I somehow doubt these guys will accept USD or Visa. This could be better, but I could also be dead so lets look at the silver lining here. It was during my inventory-taking extravaganza that Jasko had returned, quietly scuttling through the hanging cloth that seemed to pass for a door. "Are those your belongings?" Had I not heard him enter, I''d have damn near jumped out of my skin. I sighed. "Yeah, or at least what little I had on me when I ended up here..." If this is some stupid isekai then it had better be worth it. "I see. You have my sympathy, you must be very confused right now." You got that right buddy. My silence must have been confirmation enough, because he continued. "I have spoken with the elder, and she seems to believe that you are what they call an Outworlder. Is that true? Are you not of this world?" There''s the million dollar question. "Alright well I''m not about to beat around the bush here for some arbitrary reason. Yeah. I''d say that''s probably accurate. I''m from Earth, and we definitely do not have Girtablilu on Earth." Jasko cocked his head. "Earth? Like dirt?" "Well what do you all call your world then?" "Halsa?" "Damn that is a better name."
After having my worldview thoroughly pulverized, Jasko offered to show me around the village and get a bite to eat. The village was almost what I had expected ¡ª the predominant type of building was similar to that of pueblo architecture back on Earth. Many buildings were seemingly carved right out of a cliff face that overlooked the rest of the desert, and they were clearly built with the Girtablilu morphology in mind, because I had a lot of trouble climbing to keep up with Jasko even with the occasional ladder. Eventually we came to a tavern or pub of sorts. He ushered me into the strange building and we stood at the bar counter with what looked to be a rudimentary kitchen behind it ¡ª there weren''t any chairs, but Jasko seemed comfortable in his resting position. "So how are you with casting?" I turned to regard Jasko, somewhat confused for reasons that you can probably guess. "...casting?" As if in response to my query, he held up his hand and said something unintelligible. His hand almost immediately started glowing only to be enveloped in a weightless blob of water shortly after. Oh... oh DAMN. Dihydrogen Monoxide So magic exists. Ain¡¯t that crazy? I mean, realistically maybe I ought to have seen that coming after probably dying and then meeting a village of literal scorpion centaurs. But I didn¡¯t see it coming. I could not have possibly seen it coming. Naturally my first thought was to learn it if possible. And so I did, or rather tried to. As it happens, magic is not simple, nor is it easy to just pick it up ¡ª if you¡¯re from another world that is. Jasko and I had found that out the hard way. ¡°First, you must understand what it is that you want to do. Keep your intentions simple, do not try anything complex. You will only hurt yourself if you do that without a runic catalyst. Today you will learn to cast create water.¡± Jasko and I had moved to a secluded location on some sandstone just outside of the village. He claimed that since he had found me, it was his responsibility to make sure that I could survive on my own. For this reason, he made it a point to ensure I knew at least some magic. Jasko was standing about a meter across from me, arms crossed. ¡°After you solidify your intentions, you must channel the mana in your body into where you wish to cast from. We will use our hands this time. When you cast without a runic catalyst, you must speak the components of your spell, in this case, ¡®create¡¯ and ¡®water¡¯.¡± I¡¯d originally had questions, but he refused to answer them insisting that there was a ¡®process¡¯. I didn¡¯t even know how to channel mana! Regardless, I still tried with a sort of blind determination. ¡°You really aren¡¯t going to tell me how, are you.¡± Jasko shook his head. ¡°No, I am not. This is how children are taught, and it is done this way because it works.¡± I sighed and hung my head. No getting through to him right now. ¡°Alright fine.¡± I didn¡¯t really know what to look for, so I simply opted to close my eyes and concentrate. Concentrate on what, you ask? Everywhere¡­? I sort of just focused my attention on my chest as I breathed slowly. I could hear my ears begin to ring as my attention lingered on my lungs. The ringing became more intense the longer I lingered, and I took that as a sign to begin speaking. ¡°Create. Water.¡±
Have you ever felt that prickly feeling on your skin when you lay on your arm or whatever for too long and it goes numb? Well that¡¯s what I felt after casting that spell for the first time. Or rather, it was that prickly feeling combined with an intense burning sensation as arcs of what looked to be electricity frolicked across my body. I had found my mana. God had I found it. And boy was it painful. It was like every nerve in my body had been lit on fire and doused in liquid nitrogen at the same time. And I had definitely cast the spell too ¡ª an explosion of steam and water came from around my hand as I was knocked back and onto the sandstone, hitting my head. I laid there on the ground seizing in pain as I experienced the worst possible combination of sensations until my muscles failed me and I went limp on the ground, blacking out shortly after.
When I came to, I was once again in Jasko¡¯s mudhut. The sun ¡ª Dumana? ¡ª seemed to be setting. How long was I out for? It couldn¡¯t have been long. I don¡¯t even remember what happened. I had been concentrating on my mana when everything went black. ¡°You¡¯re awake.¡± is what I heard Jasko say from across the room, startling me out of my thoughts. I sat up on the admittedly large bed. ¡°Evening Jasko. What¡¯d I miss?¡± He cracked a smile for the first time since I had met him¡­ or was it more of a grimace? ¡°Worry not, you have only been asleep for about five hours.¡± Five hours? Wait how long have I been here? It looked like it was midday when I first appeared here. My phone had read 3:30 PM when I checked it earlier while Jasko was out¡­ I reached over to my phone, which was on a table next to the bed. 12:46 AM?! Wait so it¡¯s been nine hours?? How long are the days here??? I looked at Jasko. ¡°Hey Jasko? Weird question, how long is a day here?¡± Jasko looked confused, but still responded. ¡°A day and night are thirty hours. Why do you ask such a question?¡± An extra six hours? That would definitely explain a lot. Helsa''s rotation must be quite a bit slower than Earth. ¡°Our day and night are only 24 hours on Earth, so I was confused by the apparent time.¡± ¡°Hm, I understand why that would perplex you. Even so, we have something we must discuss ¡ª you had quite the adverse reaction to that spell.¡± This didn¡¯t surprise me all that much. If I had woken up in Jasko¡¯s mudhut again, nothing good must have happened. ¡°I don¡¯t remember much after I did the incantation. How bad was it?¡± Jasko grimaced again, and his legs chittered once on the floor in nervousness. ¡°I won¡¯t be dishonest Max. You experienced the worst mana discharge I have ever seen from a person.¡± ¡°Mana discharge?¡± I queried. Jasko nodded. ¡°When an object is saturated with mana, enough stress ¡ª like being struck ¡ª will cause the object to discharge its mana, often violently if there is enough. This doesn¡¯t normally happen in people or animals, since they tend to hold mana better, but sometimes if a caster doesn¡¯t channel their mana properly then it can go out of control and harm them. This is most common in people that are new to casting or have never done it before. But I have never in my life seen a discharge as violent as yours. I would say that you are lucky to still draw breath, Max.¡± This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.
Like Jasko said, I experienced a really fucking bad discharge. It nearly killed me, but fortunately I recovered quickly, which had apparently surprised Jasko. My quick recovery aside, I still wanted to learn magic. Jasko was still determined to teach me, so we set to training daily, in addition to helping me adapt to the conditions of the desert and the village. On the second day, I woke up very early, or at least that¡¯s what Jasko had told me. As it happens, my internal clock does not line up with a 30 hour day/night cycle. I awoke to a truly awe-inspiring sight. Looking up into the sky I saw not just a sea of stars, but two moons.The larger of the two must have been magnitudes larger than Earth¡¯s moon. It was covered in craters, and seemed to be a yellow color similar to Io of Jupiter. The smaller of the two seemed to be tectonically active, and not enjoying its proximity to the larger moon as it appeared to have streaks of cracks running across its surface, glowing red with magma. The Roche Limit probably won¡¯t let that moon exist for much longer.
That morning Jasko and I went to the same tavern as the previous day. I decided to try a local delicacy, as I had kept to familiar items the day prior. They seemed to have a fondness for the meat of a creature called a sunagmy ¡ª a type of large sandworm apparently. The meat was similar to crustaceans like crab or lobster, though much tougher. I also met the neighbor that Jasko had seemed rather eager to not anger. Her name was Nailah, and she was actually very friendly. ¡°Oh so you are the outworlder the elder has been talking about! It is so nice to meet you, I am called Nailah. And you are Max, yes?¡± Jasko visibly flinched when he heard her voice. There must have been some history between the two for him to be visibly disturbed by her approach. Nailah was built more slim than Jasko, though I had no doubt she could still pulverize me if she fancied the idea. Like Jasko, she had stark white hair, though it was kept in a long ponytail that reached her lower back. Her top was nondescript outside of being burgundy and not extending past her ribs, leaving her midriff exposed, likely to help with the desert heat. Her skin was darker than Jasko¡¯s, though she was noticeably lacking the tattoos that Jasko and many other Girtablilu in the village sported. I chuckled lightly at Jasko¡¯s reaction to her presence before responding. ¡°Yeah that¡¯s me. Are you the neighbor that Jasko seems to be so afraid of?¡± ¡°Afraid? Oh my is that what he thinks of me? Dear Jasko only woke me up at a bad time, I get quite cranky when that happens!¡± tittered Nailah. ¡°You broke down my door and beat me! I understand that your solstice is important to you, but that was going too far!¡± Jasko retorted. Nailah scoffed. ¡°I remember nothing of the sort! I simply asked you to keep your snoring down, and when you didn¡¯t I merely became assertive with you.¡± ¡°I-I¡¯ll be outside Max. Don¡¯t rush yourself, we have plenty of time to train.¡± Jasko sniffled. Nailah turned to me. ¡°You simply must tell me about your world some time. I would love to hear all about it.¡± ¡°I might have to take you up on that later.¡± I responded, smiling.
Later that day, I began training my magic with Jasko. ¡°Create. Water!¡± I almost immediately keeled over, with arcs of mana once again bursting from me, and a small explosion of steam and water around my hand. I didn¡¯t pass out or seize up this time though, as much as it hurt. Jasko shook his head and sighed. ¡°Another discharge. But it wasn¡¯t nearly as intense. You¡¯ve opened yourself to casting. In the coming days we should begin seeing more stability. Let us stop for today.¡± ¡°Yeah, let¡¯s stop for today, I¡¯m beat.¡± I wheezed.
¡°So are you some kind of elf?¡± Nailah questioned. ¡°No, I¡¯m a human. Are there no humans on Helsa?¡± ¡°Mm, I can¡¯t ever remember meeting any, though my only experience with other races is from the occasional trade caravan. I¡¯ve never left the village. What about the other races of your world?¡± I laughed. ¡°We don¡¯t have any others. It¡¯s just us humans.¡± Nailah gasped. ¡°Really? Humans must be very lonely!¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t say that necessarily, though we did always wonder what might be out there in the stars.¡± I mused.
¡°Create water!¡± I felt a bout of vertigo, but it quickly faded. What didn¡¯t fade was the painful burning sensation on my hand. A loud FSHH emanated from my hand as hot steam ejected itself from the nearly cooked appendage. ¡°Oh fuck that¡¯s HOT!¡± I growled as I began swinging my hand around in a panic. Jasko put a hand to his face. ¡°Max you need to cut the spell or you¡¯ll drain your mana.¡± But alas, the warning fell on deaf ears as I blacked out with an intense inward pressure in my torso.
For the third time I came to in Jasko¡¯s mudhut. Going through the motions, I sit up. ¡°Alright doc what¡¯s the prognosis.¡± ¡°Doc? Er- no enough of that. You nearly died again Max. You should have cut your spell off, because now you¡¯ve experienced mana depressurization.¡± I didn¡¯t need to think about what that meant. I only needed to think about what happens when a tin can is suddenly opened in a vacuum.
CRUNCH! Nailah devoured a sunagmy steak as we talked, crunching right through the shell that it was served in. ¡°So-¡± Nailah said between bites. ¡°I heard you had some trouble stopping your spell yesterday?¡± I grimaced. ¡°Yeah, Jasko said I went through ¡®mana depressurization¡¯?¡± Nailah nodded enthusiastically. ¡°Mhm! That¡¯ll kill ya if you aren¡¯t careful! Here¡¯s a little pointer from your good friend Nailah. Try sharply exhaling and not breathing after. That always kills my focus on a spell and stops it dead in its tracks!¡±
I took a deep breath and slowly exhaled. ¡°Create! Water!¡± The vertigo was even less pronounced this time, with only a quiet buzz in the back of my head. I looked down at my hand, to see the familiar glint of the sunlight being refracted by the water, distorting my hand inside. ¡°Holy shit¡­ holy shit I did it!¡± And it was in that moment, that I fucked up. In my excitement I broke my concentration on the spell, causing the water to instantly boil and begin to sear my hand. ¡°Fuck fuck fuck that fucking hurts.¡± I hissed before I remembered Nailah''s advice. I immediately exhaled and stopped my breathing. It took a lot of willpower to not start breathing again, but sharpening and placing my focus on something else took the wind right out of the spell¡¯s sails. ¡°Again!¡± Shouted Jasko. If I had known any better, I¡¯d have thought he was excited. Alright Max don¡¯t lose your momentum here! ¡°Create water!¡± And my efforts finally saw their fruits, for water was born at last. Proof of a Hunter It really was just regular water, if a bit pure. It didn¡¯t actually taste like anything when I drank it, so that supported the purity theory. Even so, I had more important things to worry about ¡ª like the fact that Jasko and I now had a very pissed off sandworm on our tail, literally in Jasko¡¯s case. It turns out, that sandworms are not only sensitive to vibrations in the ground, but also mana fluctuations, which makes it possible for them to hunt prey capable of casting. I yelled to Jasko as we ran. ¡°DUDE I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SAFE SPOT!¡± Jasko responded, making his confusion regarding the current state of affairs known. ¡°IT WAS SAFE. THERE SHOULDN¡¯T HAVE BEEN ANY SUNAGMY NEARBY. THIS ONE MUST HAVE EVADED OUR HUNTERS!¡± We had noticed something was off when the birds ¡ª I think? They made chirping noises and flew, but I didn¡¯t see feathers. ¡ª went silent. Soon after, we felt tremors that got stronger the longer they went on. This tipped off Jasko that we should run, just as the massive rust-colored creature breached the dunes behind us. The sandworm was a massive limbless beast with a large maw at the front that opened with four separate jaws, each tipped with a sharp chitinous edge. The inside of the creature¡¯s mouth was lined with what must have been hundreds of large teeth. It sported three large red compound eyes on each jaw arranged in a line parallel with the rest of its body. The tail end of the massive creature simply tapered off into a point. The massive thing must have been nearly 30 meters long!
It felt like we had been running for quite a while, and I was starting to get winded. Jasko skidded to a stop, and yelled something in an unknown language just as the sandworm breached, ready to attack. ¡°Pentakan jenekt?!¡± The sand at Jasko¡¯s feet was blasted away from him as his outstretched hand glowed and crackled with arcs of mana. A previously invisible array of glass-like triangular panels that arranged themselves in an encompassing shield around the worm glowed a blinding white before completely shattering. The sandworm reeled back at this, and dove back into the sand, retreating. ¡°That thing can cast?!¡± I exclaimed incredulously. ¡°Let¡¯s go! We must get to the village and notify the hunters!¡± Jasko barked with evident urgency. Oh boy. More running.
¡°How close to the village was the sunagmy? Did you manage to injure it?¡± a large, almost comically ripped girtablilu man interrogated Jasko. ¡°It was about two hours south of the village, guildmaster. I did not manage to injure it, but I did dispell its shield.¡± ¡°Hm. If we move quickly then we should be able to kill it before it regenerates its shield. You did well to dispell such a large shield so efficiently. In addition to that, since you are the one that found it, you are granted the honor of joining the hunt. You as well, outworlder.¡± ¡°Wait wait wait you want me to hunt that thing??¡± My jaw nearly hit the floor at the very thought. ¡°You don¡¯t really think that I could take that thing in a fight, right? I can barely make water, let alone kill a murder-worm big enough to make a blue whale blush!¡± ¡°I like your attitude young one!¡± The guildmaster guffawed. ¡°But what you say is nonsense! If you can make a little water, then you¡¯re only a few steps away from making your own combat spells! Consider this hunt a learning experience! Naturally, you¡¯ll be accompanied by some of our hunters, but you and Jasko have the right to this hunt!¡± Sigh. Definitely not getting out of this one.
Jasko and I had gone to the tavern ¡ª the Lazy Arlynx apparently ¡ª where we discussed the hunt over food and drink. Nailah even joined us, much to Jasko¡¯s displeasure. ¡°We must decide on a battle plan for the hunt. Max, you are inexperienced, so I want you to follow the lead of the hunters and myself. Sunagmy are extremely dangerous to an unprepared hunter, and though we may be in a group, the danger is still ever-present. Breaking the shield as easily as I did was a stroke of luck, and we are blessed to not have to worry about it tomorrow.¡± Jasko explained in no uncertain terms. I sighed in resignation, knowing that I was in too deep to back out now. ¡°Alright, well what¡¯s the normal plan of action to kill one of these things?¡± ¡°OH! OH! I know this!¡± Nailah piped up from a few paces over. ¡°Two of the hunters will focus on breaking the shield to stagger and immobilize it, and when that happens two other hunters will use spears to force the mouth open while a fifth hunter will shoot an explosive arrow into the mouth to kill it!¡± babbled Nailah. Jasko let out a groan. ¡°That¡¯s all correct except for the fact that breaking the shield doesn¡¯t immobilize it. Stagger, sure. But doing that without a hunter to cast a hold spell will only get the team killed.¡± ¡°But that¡¯s not what my team did!¡± Nailah responded indignantly. ¡°Your team would have been a crimson smear on the sand a moment later if you hadn¡¯t been quick enough!¡± scolded Jasko. Nailah feinted a lunge at Jasko, causing him to flinch in fear.
Later that night, Jasko and I went back to his humble mudhut. He had since taken to sleeping in a typical girtablilu resting position as opposed to his bed, which he had allowed me to occupy. Before we retired for the night though, we discussed what my role would be during the hunt. ¡°You will be firing the explosive crossbow. It will minimize risk to you, while also giving you experience in a hunt ¡ª experience that may prove very valuable to you in the future.¡± The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. I was willing to accept that arrangement, but I was still left with some lingering questions. ¡°I understand your reasoning, but didn¡¯t the guildmaster say that it would be good experience for my casting?¡± Jasko responded simply, ¡°If you were to experience a discharge, it could get not only you, but the rest of us killed. This is where my ideals diverge from the guildmaster¡¯s.¡± I nodded meaningfully, ¡°Alright, I can get behind that. I¡¯d also rather go with the safer option when staring down something as big as that.¡± Jasko smiled, genuinely this time. ¡°Max, you have good instincts, even if some of them may need sharpening.¡± said Jasko, not-so-subtly hinting at my complete inexperience in combat and general life skills that a medieval villager would have. ¡°Sleep well Max, we will rise early and slay this encroaching beast.¡±
And rise early we did. Or at least Jasko, Nailah, and the rest of the team did. It was more like a full night¡¯s sleep for me. It was still dark out, which was apparently the plan, since sandworms were less active at night and we¡¯d therefore have plenty of time to set up an ambush. The night sky was as vibrant as it had been the past few nights. A perfect time to prepare an ambush, and also the perfect time to ask a question that had been bugging me. ¡°So do those moons have names?¡± I questioned no one in particular. Jasko began ¡°Ye-¡± ¡°Yeah!¡± interrupted Nailah. ¡°The big yellow one is Lus, and the little angry one is Mis! They¡¯re never too far apart! They say that the gods of the two are engaged!¡± More like fighting to the death. It took us about two and a half hours to get to the site of the ambush. When we arrived we began setting up camp. The two fledgling hunters that accompanied us set up a large communal tent while Nailah prepared food, and Jasko checked the integrity of the¡­ I wasn¡¯t really sure what he was doing actually. ¡°Hey Jasko, what¡¯re ya doing with those spears?¡± I asked as I approached. Jasko spoke while continuing to stare intently at the spear in his hand as he ran the other over the business end. ¡°I¡¯m checking on the integrity of the runes on the spears that the two fledglings will be using.¡± When I took a closer look at the spearheads, I noticed a small cluster of symbols on one side of each spearhead. ¡°What do these runes do? Are these the runic catalysts you mentioned before?¡± ¡°Yes, these spears have been infused with high-grade penetration spells by a spellsilver runebrand. When the wielder channels mana into the end of the spear with the runes, it will activate a short range penetration spell that will penetrate most armors, though the cost to the wielder is quite large, so casting it in succession isn¡¯t practical. This will allow the fledglings to force the mouth of the sunagmy open and allow you to dispatch the vile thing.¡± Jasko explained, quite extensively I might add. ¡°Is that the spell you used to break the shield earlier?¡± ¡°Yes and no. The spell I used was cast in my native language, as opposed to Common. I¡¯m more comfortable casting in Lontish, but it was mostly a stroke of luck that I had hit a weak point in the shield. Now enough of this conversation ¡ª I am sure you are hungry.¡± He was right, I was quite hungry after the walk out here. Everyone was, and so we enjoyed a vegetable stir fry of sorts. I didn¡¯t recognize any of the vegetables though. I looked up into the sky, at the two moons in a dance of death, and it finally sunk in that I was very far from home.
When day broke, we began the operation. I was instructed to stay hidden from sight and away from the lure. I was wondering how they would lure a giant fuck you to the square cube law, but I soon found out when- THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Jasko had set some kind of glowing paper on the ground that seemed to be causing the tremors. It made sense then why they would choose that method. Since sandworms are drawn to vibrations as much as mana, then it would be logical to use a method that does both.
I thought I would be waiting a while for the worm to show its ugly mug, but with the racket the lure was making, it didn¡¯t take long at all. I had been hiding by a rock when it breached the sand for the first time, and both Jasko and Nailah cast their hold spells on the beast¡­ Only for them to be completely deflected by a newly regenerated shield as the beast roared, swiping its tail at Jasko. Jasko managed to put a shield up before the tail would have shattered every bone in his body and pulverized his lower half, but the shield didn¡¯t hold, and he was sent flying in the other direction. The two fledglings panicked as they realized that the plan had completely fallen apart, and they rushed the worm with their spears, letting loose their penetration spells. The worm¡¯s shielding glowed with an iridescent light like our first encounter as the spells pounded against it. Unlike that encounter though, it held strong as the worm swung its head downward onto the two fledglings, scraping them across the ground with its sharp maw, leaving behind a deep crimson stain on the golden sands. Nailah took this opportunity to cast her own penetration spell, causing an even brighter glow from the worm¡¯s shield, but still failing to break it.
I was frozen in fear. Why had I ever agreed to go along with this? What good could this possibly bring? Why am I even here? Is this what I have to face in order to survive? What¡¯s even th- ¡°MAX! YOU NEED TO RUN! GET OUT OF HERE!! WARN THE REST OF THE VILLAGE!!!¡± I was startled from my anxiety as I heard a magically enhanced yell from Nailah. I need to run. I need to get out, survive¡­ ¡­ Wait no! If I leave then Nailah is going to die. The two fledglings are already gone, and Jasko very well might be on his way if he isn¡¯t already. Do something. Do something damn it. MOVE. GODDAMN IT MAX MOVE YOUR LEGS! I don¡¯t know if it was willpower, adrenaline, or some combination of the two, but I moved. I wasn¡¯t quite sure what I was going to do, but I knew damn well that I would do something. Cast a spell Max. You have to cast a spell to take that shield down. This crossbow won¡¯t work for that. What even are the components of the spell? Create¡­? Shoot? Penetration? Pierce? Shatter? Argh fuck it just try them all! Before now, I had always taken minutes to find my mana, and even more to grasp and channel it. But now? Now it felt like I had complete access to it. Like I had always known how to cast. I gripped the mana like a lion crushing the neck of its prey, and I sent it. ¡°Penetrate! Pierce! Shatter! Break! Fucking anything, just work damn it!¡± In hindsight, maybe it was a bad idea to give my mana that many commands, but I¡¯d be lying if I said there weren¡¯t results. What felt like a shockwave passed over me, yet it also felt like it came from me. My hand had been outstretched, aimed at the head of the worm. Bright arcs of mana emitted from my fingers as I refocused my eyes on my target to see the damage. A broken shield for sure, the motes of light made that clear. A gash in the side of its head too, was evident. It was still alive, but that had certainly stunned it. I didn¡¯t know where Nailah was. I had lost sight of her after I cast the spell. The sandworm was limp on the ground, but still clearly breathing as I approached, removing the crossbow from its holster on my hip, explosive bolt already set. Despite its eyes being compound, I could still feel them focused solely on me. I took aim with the crossbow, and let fly the killing bolt. A real shockwave passed over me this time, as I had two thoughts before my adrenaline ran dry. Since when did my saliva taste like iron? And why can¡¯t I feel my arm? A Name Befitting For the fourth time, I came to i- oh wait. It wasn¡¯t Jasko¡¯s mudhut this time. The room that I had awoken in was quite large. Rays of sunlight filtered in through the windows as I sat up and gave the room a good look. Or at least that¡¯s what I would have done, if I hadn¡¯t immediately hissed in pain as my right arm felt like every muscle fiber in it had been shredded and the skin burned right up to before the nerves would have fried. At that, a gruff voice spoke up a from a few feet to the left of me. ¡°You may have shown that sunagmy a real rough time ¡ª killed it even, but that didn¡¯t come without a cost to you.¡± I made an attempt to speak, ¡°wh-¡± ¡°What?! You don¡¯t remember me?! Come now, young hunter surely you remember the mean old guildmaster! I came to speak to you and Jasko and I¡¯ve had to wait for three days for you two slackers to wake up!¡± the guildmaster bantered. My heart leapt at that, and I spoke in a raspy voice, ¡°wait, Jasko¡¯s alive?¡± ¡°Eyyup. Nailah had to drag both your sorry asses back here too!¡± the guildmaster guffawed. ¡°But in all seriousness, you did good kid. I¡¯d even say you stole the show, taking down a sunagmy on your own! You can call me Darman; you¡¯ve more than earned my respect ¡ª the village¡¯s respect too.¡± And that reminded me of something ¡ª the fledglings. I knew they had died, but I needed to ask. ¡°Wait, Darman. What about the fledglings?¡± ¡°What about ¡®em?¡± He said dryly. ¡°Wrong place, wrong time. Nailah says they fought till the end, and if she¡¯s to be believed, then they¡¯re in a better place. Their deaths will not be forgotten, their families will mourn, but we will not linger. Out in these sands, letting yourself become complacent will get you killed. That sunagmy regenerated its shield much faster than any on record. You couldn¡¯t have possibly expected it, and yet here you are. Alive, maybe not well, but alive nonetheless. Now get some more rest damn it. We ain¡¯t gonna celebrate the kill without the star of the hunt, but that doesn¡¯t mean we¡¯ll be patient about it! Get to healin¡¯!¡±
Three more days passed before I could use my arm with any level of dexterity again. During that time I had been visited by Nailah, and later the village elder.
From her outward personality I knew she¡¯d be emotional, but I really didn¡¯t expect her to be sobbing. ¡°I w-was s-so worried¡­ a-and ¡ª and I thought you were gonna die! Jasko too!¡± Nailah blubbered. ¡°Now hang on Nailah! I¡¯ve had a much worse discharge than that before, even if what I did was really risky. And Jasko protected his vitals and limbs with his shield before it broke! He might have some broken bones here and there, but nothing that won¡¯t heal with enough time.¡± I explained. ¡°But I was so worried! One second the team was fine, and the next half of us were dead or dying!¡± I sighed. There wasn¡¯t any calming her down here. I just had to let her get it out of her system, so we continued talking, and the topic eventually ended up on Earth. ¡­ ¡°Do you really not have sunagmy on Earth?¡± she asked, apparently shocked by this information. ¡°I don¡¯t think we even have anything anywhere near as big as one, let alone as dangerous.¡± ¡°Hmm¡­ well what about falden?¡± Maybe it just has a different name? ¡°Describe it to me.¡± ¡°Oh, well they¡¯re these little four-legged creatures that elves sometimes keep as pets! They train them to help them hunt, protect their homes, all kinds of stuff! I saw one in a caravan a while ago, it was sooo cute!¡± Oh so a dog then! ¡°Oh! They also have really pretty feathers too! They start out brown and gray, but as they get older they get these really beautiful patterns and colors! The caravan that had them said they were breeding them for the best colors, and they were planning to sell them in the capital! None of us in the village could afford any though¡­¡± she hung her head. I stand corrected. ¡­ ¡°By the way, Nailah. Have you seen Jasko at all? The guildmaster only really mentioned that you all were waiting for me, so I assumed he had already recovered.¡± Her ears perked up when I said that, but she averted her eyes. ¡°Oh! Yeah he¡¯s doing fine! He just had some¡­ errands to run¡­ yeah! Errands!¡± That¡¯s not suspicious at all.
My head perked up when I heard the door to what I had learned to be the village infirmary opened. In walked a girtablilu woman that I had not seen before. She wore a very colorfully woven poncho-like article. She had a face that had appeared more aged than any other girtablilu I had seen thus far. Her eyes were squinted, as though she struggled to see. What I saw of her eyes told me she had seen much in her lifetime. She must be the village elder. ¡°Outworlder. You are Max, yes? Nailah has told me much about you. Thank you for protecting her. I am called Lanah, but please call me Lan.¡± Is every authority figure here this friendly? A thought occurred to me. ¡°Forgive me if this comes off as rude, but is Nailah your attendant or something of that sort?¡± ¡°She is my granddaughter.¡± Oh¡­ OH. Well that certainly explains a lot. Nailah talks about her a lot when she isn¡¯t excited over other goings on. ¡°Oh, I see. I apologize for that, I was merely curious.¡± Lanah chuckled at this. ¡°Oh please, you need not apologize. You saved my granddaughter¡¯s life. I am in your debt for this. And not to mention¡­ she is very fond of you Max.¡± Well that certainly went in a direction. ¡°She is very lucky to have a friend willing to risk his life like that. If only she weren¡¯t so infatuated with that Jasko. You would make a wonderful husband for her.¡± Thank god. Jasko saves the day again, I am NOT interested in being married off to a scorpion lady I¡¯ve known for hardly even two weeks. No offense Nailah, I¡¯m sure you¡¯d be great, but I¡¯m just not interested. ¡°Ahaha yeah I¡¯m sure I would¡­ what a shame about Jasko haha¡­¡± Quick change the subject dumbass. ¡°So uh Lan! How long have you been the elder for?¡± She smiled at this. ¡°Ohh, I¡¯m sure you mean no harm by that, but you know it¡¯s rude to ask a young lady her age.¡± Oh ha ha. Great question shithead. She didn¡¯t give me a chance to apologize, choosing to continue. ¡°Ohh I think I was 49 years old when I became elder. Not a very old age to be called the elder, but I suppose I grew into the title.¡± she chuckled to herself. ¡°I¡¯ve been the elder for the last 152 years, Max. I¡¯m getting up in age, and I want Nailah to have a husband to support her when she inherits my responsibilities.¡± The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Damn it all Max you were supposed to deflect and now you¡¯re back on that topic. Quick! Evasive maneuvers!
Subject after subject after subject. Let me tell you now, the old lady was determined. Fortunately she eventually got the hint that I wasn¡¯t interested, but man was I tired by the end. The last thing I needed was a wife. Maybe in the future, but at the time I barely understood anything about the world that I found myself in. I didn¡¯t plan on staying in the village, and when I did finally leave I¡¯d need to keep my wits about me, and be ready to run or fight at a moments notice, especially if there¡¯d be more creatures like that sandworm. I¡¯ll have to ask someone about where I ought to go after all this is said and done. Magic seems like a powerful tool in the right hands. I¡¯d be an idiot to pass that up.
The day after I had spoken to Nailah and Lanah, I left the infirmary for the first time in almost a week. Exercising my full range of motion after that long had been euphoric, and I felt ready to take on the world. I headed over to the Lazy Arlynx tavern to get some food. I was starving since I had woken up hours before, at what would be Helsan equivalent of 4 AM, though that didn¡¯t stop me from taking a few detours. Actually, what even is an Arlynx? As I made my way to the tavern, I opted to take in the scenery on one of my aforementioned detours, now that I was free to wander the village on my own, not accompanied by Jasko or Nailah. You might be wondering, ¡°But Max, what scenery would there even be to take in, in a small backwater village in the middle of the desert?¡± And at that I would call you a daft philistine. This is a village in a different world, lived in by a race that doesn¡¯t even exist on Earth. Not to mention their culture! They¡¯ve been accommodating, but I can tell that I don¡¯t belong, even if the villagers are enamored with my presence. There is much to see here. Their buildings are an earthy orange color, built with mud and sandstone from the ground up, or carved right out of the cliff face. They decorate them with vibrant paints of yellows, greens and reds. They hang desert plants that they¡¯ve cultivated in their windows as they go about their daily lives. A small girtablilu child that must have recognized me handed me a flower when I passed by. It was a strange flower, the petals were plentiful and dense like a rose, while they had the color and length of a tiger lily. I was walking by what looked like a weapons shop until I was called out to by the guildmaster from inside. I entered the shop, intending on speaking to him anyway. The guildmaster approached me loudly as soon as I entered the door. ¡°Young hunter Max! You seem to be in much better health after my visit! I am glad to see my personality did wonders for your recovery!¡± I always forget just how huge this man is. He¡¯s gotta be at least 8 feet tall. ¡°Hey Darman! Whatcha up to in here?¡± ¡°Ah! I was merely making sure that the shopkeep knew we needed two more branded spears ¡ª since the ones we sent on the hunt were destroyed.¡± the guildmaster explained. ¡°Oh alright, are spears like that expensive?¡± ¡°Yes, very expensive. The spellsilver used to brand catalysts has become exceptionally rare. Most caravans that pass by don¡¯t even have branded items anymore.¡± ¡°Do you have any idea why that might be?¡± I asked, curious. The guildmaster closed his eyes in thought. ¡°Hm, I couldn¡¯t say. The price on branded goods has been steadily increasing for the last few years, but news doesn¡¯t normally travel this far out. Most things we know are learned from caravans.¡± I guess I¡¯ll have to find that information elsewhere. ¡°But enough of that! Are you ready for the hunt celebration tonight?¡± I never was one for large gatherings, but I also wasn¡¯t stupid. This isn¡¯t something I¡¯ll get to experience very often, if ever at all after this. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll be around.¡± ¡°You ought to be more than around!¡± the guildmaster guffawed. ¡°After all, it was you that killed the sunagmy. It was you that saved what was left of your team. And to top it all off, you¡¯re an outworlder that was wetter behind the ears than a hatchling! You¡¯d never even fired a crossbow until Jasko showed you the ropes!¡± Does a gun count? ¡°All I¡¯ll say Max, is I hope you can hold your booze.¡± the guildmaster said cryptically.
When I finally arrived at the tavern, I quickly found my way to the bar counter where I ordered. ¡°What¡¯ll you be having outworlder?¡± asked the owner. ¡°Yeah uhm, so I don¡¯t really know what it¡¯s called, but there¡¯s this vegetable-¡± The owner seemed a little annoyed, but relented anyway. ¡°-that I had during the hunt, and I was wondering if you had it? The skin was yellow, and pretty tough, but the flesh was really tender and savory. If you have any, do you think you could do something with that?¡± ¡°That would be a panya, and yes I most certainly can¡­¡± the owner smiled. ¡°Alright thank you!¡± ¡°...on one condition. Have some sunagmy meat with this dish.¡± the owner added, still smiling. I had a feeling I knew why, but I still decided to ask. ¡°I¡¯m not opposed, but may I ask why?¡± ¡°Hun, you and your team just killed a sunagmy. We¡¯ll have enough meat to feed the village for the better part of a year!¡± the owner laughed.
The food was intense, but delicious. The sunagmy meat was cooked to white perfection, stuffed inside of a number of gutted panya, seasoned with some kind of red powdered seasoning and a sweet brown sauce. It was spicy, and my sinuses were definitely clear by the time I finished the plate. ¡°So how was that hun? Up to your standards?¡± the owner questioned expectantly. ¡°The whole time I¡¯ve been here in this world, I was worried that the food just wouldn¡¯t hold up compared to home, but this stuff is like top quality restaurant food back home! The sweet sauce and savory panya were complimented wonderfully by the intense spicy sensations afforded with that red seasoning you used.¡± I gushed. ¡°I¡¯m flattered that you liked it so much, but what exactly do you mean by spicy?¡± the owner looked confused. ¡°Oh, well the red seasoning you used was spicy. It really¡­ cleared up my breathing.¡± I said, pausing when I realized they might not know what sinuses are. ¡°Hun, that seasoning is supposed to have an earthy flavor. What are you on about?¡± the owner looked even more perplexed now. Wait, am I allergic? No surely I wouldn¡¯t be. The burning already subsided like any other spicy food. ¡­ Holy shit. Are these guys not affected by capsaicin? At that revelation, I nearly teared up. ¡°I am so sorry. You are missing out on such a wonderful feature of your food ma¡¯am.¡± ¡°Hun are you feeling well?¡±
I spent the rest of the day wandering the village until it was time for the¡­ celebration? Alright dear readers, I¡¯ll tell you right now, these guys had a whole-ass festival going here. When night fell, the village changed drastically. Torchlight cast shadows that twisted and danced along the ground as all manner of activities took place, from singing and stories, to dances and sparring. There was even the odd hunter trying some kind of party trick by trying to juggle magic flames. It didn¡¯t go well and he had to be bandaged up and taken to the infirmary, though I admired his enthusiasm. In hindsight he did seem rather inebriated. I was eventually handed a drink by a passing villager who had seemed intent on retiring for the night with another villager following close behind. I looked down at the drink and saw a murky brown liquid. I smelled vaguely of alcohol and¡­ beef? What? I then decided in that moment that it was bottoms up or bust. The drink was strong, very strong. It was also savory like I expected, indeed tasting like the familiar two-toed ungulate of Earth¡¯s pastures. I wonder how they got that taste.
I¡¯m going to try to be as truthful as possible in this next section, but it was kind of a blur for me. That drink was crazy strong, and I now understand what the guildmaster had meant by that booze comment. Alright so I¡¯m pretty sure that Jasko and Nailah found me at some point and dragged me off to an elevated stage-podium thing because I vaguely remember them talking to me and taking my precious cow-meat-juice away. I know for a fact that on the podium with me was the guildmaster, because I explicitly remember saying, and I quote ¡°Tanks for ¡®avin me ¡®ere Mr. President.¡± I will never live this down, especially not with a certain someone around whom I will not mention the name of right now because spoilers. During that whole podium shebang, I remember being lifted up by my arm, nearly off the ground. People started cheering, and I cheered with them. The guildmaster was saying something about hunting and giving thanks and whatnot. After the guildmaster¡¯s little speech, I was given three items. A map, that I now know was the only map in the village, owned by the elder herself. The other two items were gifts from both Nailah and Jasko. A spear fashioned from the jaw chitin of the sandworm we killed, and a set of light armor meant to fit over my clothing, fashioned from same stuff as the spear. Past that, I can barely remember what happened at all.
Definitely not drinking for a while. This hangover is gonna be the end of me. I woke up sprawled across a hard, unstable object, my torso and legs hanging over either side. I opened my eyes to find myself atop a very asleep girtablilu. I did not recognize this one. I noticed my spear embedded in the ground a few meters away. I got up and off of the very hungover villager and immediately noticed that I had equipped my armor at some point last night. As I wrenched my spear out of the ground, I heard the familiar voice approach. ¡°So, have you decided on a name for your spear yet, Max?¡± came Jasko¡¯s voice. You can¡¯t ask me how I¡¯m feeling or something? Man I don¡¯t have a name for this thing. Wait¡­ I put one hand to my hip as I flourished the spear, pointing it skyward. ¡°Stabby McStabface.¡± S a n d Jasko gave me a most incredulous look. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Stabby McStabface. That¡¯s the name.¡± I replied curtly. Jasko gave an exasperated sigh. ¡°Max, may I ask why you would choose such a name?¡± ¡°Well first, I¡¯m hungover. Second, I didn¡¯t get any time to think of one. And third, it¡¯s a term of endearment ¡ª like taping a knife to a roomba and naming it Stabby.¡± ¡°A what?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± I said, clearing my throat. ¡°So uh, not gonna tell me what happened last night? I think I mostly remember everything up until I got the gifts¡­ were they from you¡­ or¡­¡± I trailed off. ¡°I crafted the spear myself, and had the armor made by our village craftsman. Nailah also added some touches to the spear, but she mainly pressured the elder into giving you the map.¡± ¡°Well thank you very much. This means a lot to me.¡± ¡°You are very welcome, Max. Use them well.¡± said Jasko. ¡°And as for what happened last night, you took part in the festivities. You also got into a fight with a villager ¡ª a fight that you won. I would say that you fight well when drunk, but your opponent was also drunk, and it was really quite embarrassing to watch.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t hurt him did I?¡± I worried. ¡°Take a look for yourself.¡± Jasko pointed at the villager that I had woken up on. I approached the villager and gave him a good look over. He seemed to be fine, though he had some cuts and gashes on his chest and arms that had since clotted. He also had a rather large lump on his right cheekbone, so I inferred that I must have forsaken Stabby at some point in favor of my fists, which were admittedly quite sore. I stepped back from the villager and stared blankly. ¡°...at least he isn¡¯t dead.¡± ¡°Yes I suppose it could be worse.¡± agreed Jasko. ¡­ ¡°I should also mention that the guildmaster wants to speak with you.¡± Uh oh. Is he pissed about the fight? ¡°Is it by chance about the fight?¡± I queried. ¡°No nothing of the sort. In fact he was very entertained by it.¡± Thank god¡­ wait does this world have gods? [Why yes it does!] Hey! Get the hell out of my book! Go write your own!
Per the advice of Jasko, I went to see the guildmaster. Where was the guildmaster, you ask? Well I found him in the guildhall, though calling it that might be a bit generous. I had only set foot in it one other time when Jasko and I had first encountered the sandworm, and when I first saw the building I thought it was just a large house. ¡°Hell of a way to christen your spear young hunter!¡± came boisterous laughter as I stepped into the glorified mudhut. ¡°Yeah not my proudest moment.¡± I laughed. ¡°I was told you wanted to talk?¡± ¡°That would be correct, Max.¡± he said, taking on a somewhat serious tone. ¡°Come. Sit with me.¡± he said as he gestured to a table near an archway leading into another room. Oddly enough, there was a single chair, though it looked pretty beat up. I guess girtablilu really don¡¯t use them. I sat down across from the guildmaster who had taken a resting position, sort of like that thing horses do, but with all eight legs. ¡°So what¡¯s all this about?¡± The guildmaster closed his eyes, as if in thought, before sighing. ¡°Well Max, what are your plans? You¡¯ve been here in the village for just about two weeks, and none of us are under any illusion that you intend to stay here. If you want to stay, then I¡¯m more than happy to welcome you as a village hunter, but if you do want to leave, then I want to at least send you in the right direction.¡± ¡­ ¡°I¡¯d like to continue learning magic, Darman. I don¡¯t know much about how runes work, but I see potential in learning all I can.¡± ¡°Hmm. Magic huh? Becoming a proper magus would definitely benefit you, but you¡¯ll need to travel pretty far if you want to find a good teacher or school. Still got that map on you?¡± I nodded, as I pulled out the map and placed it on the table for us to see. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. ¡°What you¡¯ve got here is a map of Poporeos ¡ª the country we¡¯re in right now. And we-¡± he pointed to the south of the country. ¡°-are in Dilanja. Right here. It¡¯ll be about two month¡¯s travel on foot to the next major town-¡± he pointed to a town just to the north. ¡°-right here. That¡¯s Tokal. It¡¯s right on the edge of the desert, and once you¡¯re there, you ought to be able to catch a caravan heading north.¡± he dragged his finger along a path on the eastern edge of the country. ¡°What you want is to make your way to Elion. That¡¯s the closest place you¡¯ll be able to find what you¡¯re looking for. I hear they¡¯ve got a big school for aspiring magi, and I¡¯m sure they¡¯d let an outworlder in for the novelty alone.¡± ¡°I guess that settles it then. I¡¯ll head out as soon as I can. Is there anything I should know for traveling in the desert beyond traveling at night and keeping hydrated?¡± I really hope I don¡¯t encounter any more sandworms. ¡°Cast as little as possible. Water for hydration only. If you cast too much, then you¡¯ll only make yourself easier prey.¡± he warned. ¡°Any particularly dangerous animals?¡± ¡°Most predators are gonna keep their distance from you if they sense your mana at all, but it¡¯s the lupien and the sunagmy you wanna worry about. A lupien¡¯ll stalk you and only go for the kill when you least expect it. Then you¡¯ll be an easy meal.¡± he explained. ¡°And as for sunagmy, you already know.¡±
I mentally prepared myself that night. Enrolling at a magical academy, while enticing, was also a daunting task as I had to cover quite a lot of land just to get to one. After I said my goodbyes ¡ª Nailah was not happy about this ¡ª I took inventory again. Still got the screwdriver, my clothes from Earth, my phone (55%), my wallet, and some extra clothes that the village had given me. They couldn¡¯t quite figure out pants, so I guess they went for something closer to a lightweight kilt. The tunic is also very light and airy, perfect for desert travel. I¡¯ve got the map, armor, and spear. And in addition to that, I¡¯ve also got a travel sack of sorts and a set of support stakes wrapped in a tent cloth with a back strap sewn on. Those were from Darman and his wife who I had not been able to meet. The armor covered my chest, shoulders, biceps, and waist in loose rust-colored chitin plates. The spear had a wooden shaft that tapered into a three inch flat oar-like shape for an as of yet unknown purpose, and the spearhead was a single straight-edged blade that started flared at the bottom and tapered into a razor point at the tip. The chitin blade was fused to the wooden shaft in such a way that I couldn¡¯t tell where wood ended and chitin began. There was a pair of feathers tied where you might expect the spearhead to attach to the shaft. The feathers were a light brown, almost tan, with black horizontal stripes. I looked into the sky again as I set off, wondering where Earth might be out in that iridescent abyss. I didn¡¯t recognize any of the stars or constellations. I wonder if my family and friends even know I¡¯m gone. Did I leave a body? Did I even die?
Alright readers, I won¡¯t lie here. It¡¯s a desert. I¡¯m not going to explain in excruciating detail every moment of the trip. Though there were some pretty good sights along the way, like the mountains in the distance that seemed to be ever present as I traveled north. I also saw some strange animals occasionally, like those weird featherless birds I mentioned in chapter three. They were kinda like flying lizards, or bats? I couldn¡¯t really tell. They had scales on their backs, but they had hair between the scales, giving them a strangely fuzzy appearance. As to the function of the hair, I couldn¡¯t say. Their wings were membranous, and they were quite large. A vulture analog perhaps? I also saw some desert plants along the way, and many of them were similar to Earth¡¯s plants. I even saw what looked like a cactus. Coincidence? I think so! Convergent evolution is a bitch like that sometimes. I also occasionally heard the sand shift behind me, only to find nothing when I turned around.
¡°Create water.¡± I cast. Gotta stay hydrated! I had been getting pretty good with making water, and I had decided that when I got to Tokal, I would experiment with making some spells. I had also been thinking of a spell to use if I ended up needing a bit of extra firepower in a fight. I had come up with ¡®penetrate target¡¯. Something like that would be much easier to control than just saying whatever came to mind. The sands shifted again behind me. I immediately turned around to hopefully catch the perpetrator, but still found nothing. The clouds covering my moonlight didn¡¯t help at all. I decided that my life was worth more than my phone battery, as I turned on the flashlight and did a sweep around myself. Oh fuck that is a creature. This thing was about the size of a wolf, but that¡¯s where the similarities ended. Its whole body was covered in feathers that seemed to rapidly shift in color when my flashlight exposed it. The creature had a sharp beak that seemed to be lined with teeth as it opened its mouth to make a strange hissing sound, likely a threat display. The other end of the creature featured a wide array of tail feathers that fanned out as the rest of the feathers on its body pricked up and made it look a bit larger. The sudden appearance of this thing gave me quite the startle, prompting me to pull the proverbial trigger on the gun that was my penetrate spell. Stabby would not do in this situation if I couldn¡¯t see what I was swinging or stabbing at. I grabbed a fistful of my mana and gave it the old same-day shipping. ¡°Penetrate target!¡± I could feel the mana pass through my chest, through my arms, and out of my hands as I held my light steady on the creature. My hands emitted bright motes of white light as an invisible force punched a hole right in the feathery bastard¡¯s chest. I took a step back, suddenly winded, but not in pain. I wheezed briefly before catching my breath and looking over the creature that was now seizing up on the sand. I took Stabby and plunged it right into the spine of the creature, killing it instantly. The feathers immediately lost all color and turned a stark white as it lay dead in the sand. I stared at the creature, my thoughts still catching up to me as killing something so big so intimately isn¡¯t something your average college sophomore is familiar with. When I had finally processed everything, I decided to attempt to skin the creature, and laid its pelt feather side down in the sand, as I set my tent up and waited for daybreak when I would sleep while the pelt hopefully dried out. It would be crude, but I had thought that I might be able to sell it, since I had no money.
I folded up my hoodie and placed it on part of the tent cloth that I had left draped on the sand so that I could have a pillow that wouldn¡¯t be full of sand when I decided to wear it later. I cleaned the blood from Stabby as I prepped to lie down, setting it on the ground next to me. I checked my phone battery one more time before shutting it down to conserve what little I had. Wait what. I could have sworn it was at like 50% or something. I was perplexed as the phone now read 78%. Hang on. I had my phone in my hand when I cast that spell. ¡­ Holy shit. BIRD UP Under normal circumstances, I would have been elated to know that I could charge my phone, but I had other ideas. No, the question was: why? Why could mana charge my phone? I dwelled on this as I picked up the dried out pelt of whatever it was that I had killed in the previous night, ready to continue. I had discovered that in the travel sack the village had gave me was a large amount of dried sandworm meat, meaning that I had a pretty decent source of food for a little while at least, maybe longer if I rationed it properly. If mana can charge my phone, does that mean that it acts like electricity? When I discharged there would be arcs of what looked like electricity, but I certainly didn¡¯t feel like I was being shocked. No, while the discharge was painful, it didn¡¯t have that sensation. Hmm. Now, dear readers, this might be where you begin thinking to yourself what the true nature of mana might be, and if that is indeed what you are doing, then congratulations! You get to read my book, A Comprehensive Study on the Characteristics of Mana! And if you aren¡¯t theorycrafting, then that¡¯s understandable. After all, this is only chapter six! Jasko mentioned that mana saturated objects are prone to discharging, and if that¡¯s the case, then maybe I should avoid casting with my phone in my hand in the future. A mana discharge might ignite the lithium in the battery, and that¡¯s the last thing I need.
A few weeks passed before anything of note happened again. The thing of note being a sandstorm. I could see the sandstorm coming from quite a distance away, and it prompted me to set up my tent, and bury myself partially in the sand with it to prevent it from being blown away. Fortunately the fabric was woven in such a way that it allowed for easy airflow, but kept things like sand out, so I didn¡¯t end up suffocating. As hours passed and I wasted away in boredom, I heard what sounded like a lightning strike. I would really prefer to not be zapped today, thank you. Normally I would end this section right here, but unfortunately lightning wasn¡¯t the only thing I heard. Just a short while after, I heard a pair of shrill roars in the distance, followed by a veritable orchestra of lightning. Oh you have got to be fucking with me right now. I am not going to fight a lightning dragon or whatever the hell that is out there. It would be my luck then that the sandstorm eventually dissipated, taking the roaring and lightning with it. I emerged from my tent-burrito to find the area dotted with strange black rock formations, some only up to my shins, while others were multiple heads taller than me. Fulgurites. Lightning doesn¡¯t strike that frequently, not on Earth. For every roar I heard, lightning would follow shortly after. Whatever had been out there must have been causing this. If not the storm, then definitely the lightning.
As it happens, humans have better endurance than Girtablilu, and so we tend to cover long distances faster. The remainder of the trip only lasted another two weeks, meaning that I made the trip to Tokal in half the time that Darman had said I would. This left me with more leftover rations, which I gladly saved for another day. The air had actually gotten warmer by quite a significant margin, and considering that I had been heading north meant that I must have been getting closer to the equator of Helsa. If I couldn¡¯t make water on demand, I¡¯d have been cooked alive in that desert several weeks back. Even so, over the few remaining days of travel, I noticed the sands begin to slowly and gradually fade into a tropical forest of sorts, with the biome passing through a sort of savannah like middle area. And it was in this pseudo-savannah that I found my first destination ¡ª Tokal. The town was sort of what I had expected. It certainly looked like it belonged, with the buildings taking on a very rustic, yet tropical appearance. Many were wooden with thatched roofs, while others were made from gray stone brickwork and had uniform tiled roofs. The stone buildings also had proper glass windows, instead of just a hole and some cloth or the like. This town was also much larger than Dilanja, with many many people bustling about the place. And boy were there people. I saw all sorts of species ¡ª girtablilu, some kind of partially feathered human-like species with long elven ears, and an even more avian species that looked like a feathered theropod dinosaur with a beak. Truthfully, I had no clue where to start. This town was quite large, and many of the signs weren¡¯t even in English. Or would it be Common? I think I heard the villagers in Dilanja call it Common. Huh. Linguistic convergence, weird.
I decided to choose a building and just enter, hoping that I would find something useful. I came to a stone building with a sign that while not in Common, had a picture of a mug of some kind ¡ª a tavern? Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. Stepping in I found my nose immediately assaulted by the pungent smell of alcohol and fermenting fruit. I guessed they were producing it in the back rooms or something. I moseyed my way over to the bar counter and took a seat on an elevated wooden chair. The bartender regarded me with a strange look, and approached me. This person was of the aforementioned feathery human-like race. They were positively covered in feathers, though their face was bare, the skin similar to that of a human, and much closer to a light tan than the almost chocolate color that girtablilu tend to sport. The feathers were a mix of black and a warm gray, with black striped patterns running horizontally down their body. They sported ears that were very much similar to that of a girtablilu, but they were tilted slightly up as opposed to the nearly horizontal angle of girtablilu ears. In place of a head of hair, they had long, majestic feathers that reached their upper back. ¡°Lu?ololam p?rsz?¡± they questioned with a more feminine voice than I had been expecting. ¡°Lanan teu e? yben ysz¡­¡± her yellow-sclera¡¯d eyes squinted as though they were scrutinizing my appearance. That, is not Common. ¡°Uhhhm, do you by chance happen to speak Common?¡± I probed. Her eyes widened, and she promptly nodded. Clearing her throat, she responded anew. ¡°Yes, I do speak Common. I was saying that I¡¯ve never seen ears like yours before. Are you an outworlder?¡± ¡°...yeah I am. Are outworlders a regular occurrence or something?¡± I asked, genuinely curious. The feathered person shrugged. ¡°They¡¯ve been appearing for the past few centuries after sky-quakes. I¡¯ve heard that they can be found in numbers in the big cities, but other than that, I¡¯ve never actually laid eyes on one. You almost look like an elf, though if you were one you¡¯d be molting well out of season.¡± Wait, molting? These are some pretty weird elves. Eat your heart out Tolkien. Or roll in your grave, it doesn¡¯t matter to me. ¡°Uh well that aside.¡± I said, changing the subject. ¡°I got a couple questions for you, if you don¡¯t mind. Oh and my name is Max, nice meeting you.¡± I said, extending my hand for a shake. ¡°Well met, Max. I¡¯m called Ava!¡± she said as she extended her hand. It was similarly covered in black and gray feathers, though the underside was bare for the purpose of grip. I took her hand and gave it a firm shake. ¡°I¡¯m happy to help, what can I do for you?¡± ¡°Well for starters, do you know where I might be able to sell this?¡± I said, pulling the pelt from over my shoulder. ¡°Oooh is that a lupien pelt? Those¡¯ll sell for a pretty decent sum! Where¡¯d you get it?¡± she asked with an excited curiosity. ¡°Oh, it attacked me a few weeks south of here. I hit it with a spell and finished it with my spear.¡± I responded. ¡°Ohh you¡¯re lucky to be alive Max. Those guys¡¯ll kill you real fast if you don¡¯t see ¡®em in time. How¡¯d you notice it? They normally camouflage themselves¡­¡± she mused. ¡°I just shined a light on it and I guess that stunned it? I didn¡¯t really hesitate when I saw it, so I guess I just got lucky?¡± I conjectured. She nodded furiously, her head feathers fluttering about. ¡°Luck is right! Though you made the right decision killing it so quickly. If you had hesitated for a moment longer it would have ripped you apart.¡± she warned gravely. ¡°Though I wouldn¡¯t sell that pelt if I were you. I bet if you let a local craftsman have a few feathers from that pelt, they¡¯d be happy to make a ghillie cloak out of it for you!¡± ¡°A ghillie cloak?¡± Is that what I think that is? ¡°Mhm! Try channeling some mana into it!¡± she urged. And so that¡¯s exactly what I did. I grabbed a small amount of mana and passed it into the pelt. And as I did that, the feathers regained their colors in waves, and eventually settled into a strange camouflage of their relative surroundings. Holy hell. Naturally occurring active camouflage? No wonder these things sell for a lot! ¡°Woah. Now this is something I¡¯d be interested in. Know any good craftsmen nearby?¡± I asked excitedly. ¡°Uh huh! There¡¯s this therian guy named Kalenz just a few buildings down that would kill for a shot at that! Tell him Ava sent you.¡± she answered. ¡°Alright thank you so much!¡± I said as I rushed out the building to find this Kalenz guy. I then realized that I had forgot to ask Ava my other questions. Nope! Get that cloak Max! Go! Go! Go!
It didn¡¯t take me long to find this Kalenz guy. He had a shop stall a few buildings down, closer to the center of the town, and behind the stall was a larger building. I could see heat waves distorting the air near the windows. A blacksmith too perhaps? I saw a strange creature exit the building and take up space behind the stall counter. This creature was a heavily feathered ¡ª like a lot of this world¡¯s life it seems ¡ª biped. If I had to compare it, I would say that it looked very similar to a medium-sized theropod dinosaur ¡ª for the paleo-nuts reading this, similar to utahraptor if it had a beak. It was covered in rust colored plumage, with specks of bright yellow. Its eyes were sharp and focused, facing forward like a predator. It had raptorial arms with a clawed five-fingered hand featuring an opposable thumb. Is- is that a goddamn dinosaur? And is it a shopkeep?? Can it speak??? I must know more. I immediately approached the stall and introduced myself. ¡°Hey there! I¡¯m Max, and I was told a could find a guy by the name of Kalenz nearby?¡± I asked enthusiastically. And what I heard come from this creature was so truly incredible. He sounded like a parrot! He had a really deep voice, but there was this crunchy texture to it that was a dead giveaway that this beautiful creature spoke using a syrinx! ¡°Thaaat would be me! What can I do for you today sir?¡± Kalenz parroted. Hah. Get it? Hindenburg Kalenz regarded me with a curious gaze, awaiting my response. I cleared my throat, and responded as coherently as I could without making a fool of myself. ¡°Yeah so uh this Ava girl recommended I bring this-¡± I presented the lupien pelt. ¡°-to you. She said and I quote that you¡¯d ¡®kill for a shot at it¡¯.¡± ¡­ Kalenz grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me closer until our faces were mere inches apart, staring right through me. ¡°Ten feathers from that pelt and I¡¯ll throw in a set of iron runebrands with the cloak.¡± ¡°Deal.¡± I wasn¡¯t about to pass that up. I guess I¡¯ll have to do something else for money if I want to sleep somewhere indoors. Kalenz ushered me into his shop with him to examine the pelt in more detail. He had strung it up on a sort of drying mount where it had been suspended and tied at several ends to create tension, flattening the whole thing for further inspection. ¡°Lad, I¡¯m gonna be honest here. You did not treat this pelt properly, nor did it dry properly. I¡¯m still willing to do this, but I¡¯ll have to remove each feather individually and lay them into new cloth. Five more feathers and a week and you¡¯ll have yourself a high-grade ghillie cloak. Kalenz guarantee.¡± he explained, though somehow it still sounded like a sales pitch even though he had seemed thoroughly disappointed in my method for preserving the pelt. I didn¡¯t see any reason to decline the new offer, so I nodded and offered my hand. ¡°I can work with that.¡± Kalenz took my hand in his own and gave a firm shake. ¡°We have a deal then. Come back here in a week¡¯s time aye?¡± ¡°You got it Kalenz, thanks for the help.¡± ¡°I ought to be the one thanking you lad. These feathers¡¯ll sell for a decent amount. Might even be able to get myself a set of spellsilver runebrands if I can catch a merchant with ¡®em.¡± he mused.
I had left the shop in a pretty decent mood. A set of runebrands? I wasn¡¯t entirely sure how to use those, but I was confident they¡¯d come in handy. I had also made sure to head back to the tavern to finish politely interrogating Ava. ¡°Wait wait wait. You said you were in a sandstorm, and you heard roars and lightning?¡± ¡°Yeah and it scared the shit outta me. What the hell kind of creature just creates lightning?¡± I asked incredulously. Ava¡¯s plumage raised, making her look oddly fluffy. ¡°It was a good choice to hunker down during that. You passed through the territory of a duhen argen. They¡¯re a large flying predator¡­ about 10 meters long from head to tail.¡± she described. ¡°I¡¯m no expert, but I¡¯m pretty sure that sandstorm was a mating ritual. They don¡¯t normally attack people, but during mating rituals they are extremely aggressive.¡± How many times have I nearly met God now? Ehh like at least five¡­? [If I¡¯m understanding your weird analogy right, then it would actually be six.] HEY. SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF MY BOOK. [Teehee!] OH DON¡¯T YOU FUCKIN ¡®TEEHEE¡¯ ME. ¡­ Sorry about that, readers. Sometimes a certain someone doesn¡¯t know when to fuck off. I have dealt with the issue for the foreseeable future. Now, back to our regularly scheduled fever dream.
I had also asked Ava if there were any caravans in town that would be willing to transport me to Elion. Apparently there would be one passing through in just about a week¡¯s time ¡ª just in time for my ghillie cloak to finish. I had also asked her if there was anything that I could do for money or a place to sleep. As it happened, she was the owner of the tavern, and was more than willing to put me up for a while as long as I helped out around the tavern, which according to her was mostly mixing drinks and making food. It sounded easy enough, so I had no trouble agreeing to the arrangement. It was not easy. Turns out, I can¡¯t cook! Like, at all ¡ª unless you consider charcoal to be edible. Mixing drinks went a bit better, but I ended up screwing up quite a few orders. The food of Helsa, while not necessarily alien, did still present its own challenges. Most notably the fact that I didn¡¯t know the names of any vegetables or foods outside of panyas. Damn. I really should have asked the tavernkeep back in Dilanja about their cooking. My shift continued into the early parts of the night until Ava dismissed me. I chose to turn in early, that way I could practice magic outside the village and not be noticed or interrupted. The room that Ava had provided me with was actually quite modest in size, with a well made and comfy queen-sized bed by the front wall, which boasted a sizeable window overlooking part of the town. There was an intricately woven carpet in front of the bed as well. It was incredibly soft, almost like a fuzzy memory foam. Considering the relative lack of technological development I had seen so far, this room raised questions regarding Ava¡¯s wealth. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. I could see the luminous night sky and battling moons through the window too. The smaller moon seemed a bit worse for wear since last month, with several of its fissures beginning to widen.
When I woke up, I silently crept out of the tavern, heading about a half mile from the village, finding a tree. It was time for experimentation. I knew that I could give mana commands to do certain things, but I didn¡¯t know the limits nor the mechanics behind it, if there were any concrete mechanics at all. For all I knew it could have been mostly arbitrary. Alright lets start with water. What can I do with that? Can I make the commands more specific? I grabbed a small handful of mana and spoke, holding out my hand. ¡°Condense water vapor.¡± I felt a small amount of dizziness, though not nearly as much as I had the first time around. I looked at my hand in the moonlight, to find a large swarm of droplets orbiting my hand. I think I used my normal amount of mana for that¡­ and for the amount of water that produced, it¡¯s definitely more efficient. Hmm¡­ I wonder¡­ ¡°Bond hydrogen and oxygen.¡± I said as I grabbed a similar amount of mana. I immediately felt a large burst of heat and a small flame explode from my hand as I experienced a severe bout of dizziness, collapsing, but not fainting. What? Why did it do that? Don¡¯t hydrogen and oxygen make water?? If any of you readers know a thing or two about basic chemistry and/or rocket engines, then you¡¯ll know that bonding hydrogen and oxygen leaves a lot of left over energy, which can be rather explosive. This is similar to how hydrolox rocket engines work, though that involves the two elements in liquid form, not gas. I did not know any of this at the time. ¡­ Alright lets try that again, maybe it was just a fluke? And if not, it might make for a good weapon or tool if I can get used to the feel of casting it. I found my bearings and got up. I gave it a bit more mana this time, foolishly thinking that might stabilize the reaction or maybe that I made a mistake channeling the mana. So I focused quite a bit more, even closing my eyes just like I did a month ago. ¡°Bond hydrogen and oxygen.¡± It took a moment for anything to happen. And then I heard something, it started quiet- Pop. Pop-po-pop. POP. POP-PO-PO-POP. Hm? Is my nose bleeding? BA-ba-BANG!!!!
¡°H¡ª. ¨Cu o¨Cay?¡± Hmm?? Wazzat? ¡°H¡ª--y.¡± ¡°...Who¡¯s ¡®ere?¡± ¡°HEY!¡± My body and mind were suddenly jolted into wakefulness as I then felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, before I hit the ground face first. I rolled over and opened my eyes to discover that I had fallen out of a weird palm tree with leaves wider than the trunk that drooped to the ground, and also that it was noon. ¡°Are you okay Max?!¡± came a very concerned voice belonging to none other than Ava as she rushed to help me up. ¡°No. Not okay.¡± I managed as I stumbled to my feet with her help. ¡°Gods Max, what in the hells were you doing?¡± she scolded. ¡°Experimenting.¡± I said matter-of-factly. ¡°With what?¡± ¡°Magic.¡± ¡°No Max clearly you were testing the Goddess of Magic¡¯s patience. Just what kind of magic were you trying to use?! We have been searching for hours after hearing that massive explosion!¡± she admonished. ¡°Uhhh¡­ would you believe me if I said I was trying to make water?¡± She pointed her finger at me as though she were about to start yelling, but she stopped herself. She took a deep breath and followed it with a sigh. ¡°Explain.¡±
¡°So let me get this straight. You used some kind of outworlder knowledge to try and make a better version of create water??¡± Ava asked. We had since moved back to her tavern where she remained closed so we could talk without interruption. ¡°That would be correct¡­¡± I said, sighing. ¡°I thought that those components would have made for a really mana-efficient way to make water, but I must have failed to account for something.¡± ¡°Do you think that you just weren¡¯t specific enough with the components?¡± she probed. ¡°I suppose that could be the case¡­ but then what did I fail to specify? Was it the amount?¡± A few moments of awkward silence passed as I ruminated on the issue. Wait¡­ hang on. Long buried memories of high school chemistry class had begun to surface, as I realized just how much of a dumbass I was. Hydrogen and oxygen is exothermic. Shit gets hot. ¡°I am such a fucking dumbass Ava.¡± She regarded me with a look of mild concern. ¡°And why might that be¡­?¡± ¡°The method that I was trying to use actually produced a lot of leftover energy and heat. I basically just made a bomb.¡± I said. Ava¡¯s yellow eyes widened at this. ¡°You know Max, you seem like a pretty stand-up guy, but I must agree ¡ª you are a dumbass.¡±
I resolved to lock that spell away temporarily, and really anything involving potentially explosive chemical reactions until I had a safer environment to try them in. I didn¡¯t want to risk losing one or both arms a third time. When Ava opened up her tavern later that day, I worked a shorter shift wanting to check out some of the shops in town. I had hoped to find a shop selling whatever this spellsilver stuff was, but I didn¡¯t manage to find any. I eventually made my way to Kalenz¡¯ shop, only to find it closed. I could see him on the inside of the main building working hard on the cloak that he had promised me. I decided that it would be best not to disturb him, and chose to head back to the tavern. As I was leisurely walking, I heard a high-pitched, and frankly annoying voice from behind. ¡°Well hey there Mister Maximillian! Long time no see!¡± I immediately did a 180 upon hearing that name, only to find nothing. I was then grabbed by the arm from behind. My limbs immediately went stiff as this mystery lady began dragging me by the arm, my heels leaving a trail on the dirt path. ¡°UHM LADY who are you??? Let me go please??¡± I asked in a mild panic. ¡°Hmm¡­ nope!¡± she exclaimed cheerfully. What the fuck. I then decided that maybe I should call for help, since this was definitely not okay. ¡°Help! Someone help! I¡¯m being dragged away by a strange lady that hasn¡¯t heard of personal space! Anybody? Help!?¡± I yelled in desperation as the lady continued dragging me, only to have every person we passed ignore me completely, as though I wasn¡¯t even there. ¡­ Shit. I had just been kidnapped. Shaking My Spear Most stories would have the protagonist be knocked unconscious or blinded in some way during a kidnapping. Not this one. No what actually happened here is this bitch literally dragged me through the entire town until we came to a small shack on the outskirts. She brought me down into the basement and tied me to a chair. The basement, along with the rest of the house and the chair I was tied to, seemed to occasionally fade in and out of existence, with the form and locations of furniture shifting about every time. ¡°Would you please be so kind as to tell me what the fuck you¡¯re doing??¡± I demanded. ¡°Oh Max! Maxie! Maximillian! ¡­Maxwell? I have no ill intent! I only wish to offer you my blessing!¡± the mystery lady said, as I finally got a look at her. Now I would love to provide you readers with an accurate and positively enthralling description of this girl, but I can¡¯t remember. In fact, when I saw her in broad torchlight I still couldn¡¯t quite tell her exact details. The most I can say is that she looked utterly generic. Like a literal NPC. ¡°Some know me as Mary Sue-¡± she said, flourishing her exceedingly non-descript features. ¡°-and others know me as John Doe-¡± she said as her form shifted into something much more masculine. ¡°-but I prefer to be called the Goddess of Jokes!¡± she said as her form lost its corporeality and she faded into a faint yet somehow bright mote of light, shifting in the air. Well that confirms gods I guess. I sighed. ¡°And you couldn¡¯t have just talked to me normally why???¡± ¡°Because I couldn¡¯t have you making a fuss after I gave you my blessing silly!¡± she responded cheerfully. ¡°Well what if I don¡¯t want your blessing?¡± I retorted. ¡°Too late!¡± and she snapped her finger even though she had no form. ¡­ ¡­ ¡°I doth not feeleth aught diff''rent.¡± I said, unamused. ¡­ The sad excuse for a goddess immediately shifted back to a feminine form so she could keel over on the ground, laughing hysterically. ¡°At which hour I receiveth out of this I am moving to kicketh thy s''rry ass so hard thee shall endeth up in Jerusalem!¡± I fumed. ¡­ The vile thing eventually caught its breath and got up off the ground and stared at me pensively. ¡°Hmmm. It isn¡¯t perfectly accurate, but it definitely accomplishes what it sets out to do! I must say Maxie, your world has some fascinating things!¡± ¡°Removeth this hex, demon!¡± ¡°Noooope! This has potential!¡± she laughed. In that moment, she approached my still immobilized form and untied me. I immediately lunged at her, only to sail right through her form, landing face first on the ground only to find myself in front of Ava¡¯s tavern. The sun was now setting as I opened the door to be greeted by a full house of patrons. When I find that bitch she is getting the business end of Stabby SO fast. I approached the counter, looking for Ava. I spotted her a small distance away speaking to a patron of the same feathery species as herself. The patron in question boasted a much more colorful coat of feathers compared to Ava. Is this one male? It would track if we consider birds on Earth¡­ Eventually she finished talking her customer walked away, waving. She had begun to approach me as I made my way behind the counter. ¡°You were out for a while Max, what were you up to?¡± she questioned with curiosity evident in her large eyes. She cocked her head expectantly. ¡°Doth thee knoweth aught about a deity of jokes?¡± I said, wincing at my own involuntary mannerisms a moment later. I didn¡¯t even stutter! I wasn¡¯t even aware that I had said it like that until after I had said it! My expression immediately became outwardly annoyed as I rolled my eyes and groaned. ¡°Oh no Max, did the Goddess of Jokes appear to you?¡± she asked with an almost maternal tone to her voice, like consoling a child. I nodded, not wanting to embarrass myself even more. This had already become stale. Ava¡¯s patron from a few moments ago had since approached, waiting for an opportunity to interject. Now that I got a better look at him, I could tell that he was quite aged. If we use a human lifetime as a scale, then I would probably say early to mid seventies. His feathers were a faded, but still somewhat vibrant pattern of reds and greens, and a bit of yellow at the tips of his head feathers. ¡°Honey, who¡¯s this now? Have you strongarmed someone into working for free again?¡± he interrogated her playfully, laughing lightly. ¡°Oh come now! He¡¯s a traveler from the south that¡¯s just passing through. He needs transportation to Elion, so I offered him a place to stay while he waits for one. He only has to help out sometimes!¡± she retorted, almost offended. ¡°Alright, alright.¡± he conceded as he put his hands up in surrender. Ava let out a long sigh. ¡°I¡¯m sorry Max, this is my father ¡ª Flitz. He can be a bit much at times, but he means well.¡± Flitz let out a scoff at this, but seemed to take no real offense. ¡°Now, I believe I overheard a bit of a fuss? Something about a Goddess?¡± ¡°Mhm, he had a run-in with the Goddess of Jokes it seems.¡± she briefly regarded me with a look of sympathy. I smiled at that, but it didn¡¯t last long when I heard what Flitz had to say. He let out an uproarious laugh, briefly drawing the attention of some other patrons. ¡°She tends to frequent the area, so I can see that happening.¡± he paused. ¡°Well lets hear it then! What¡¯d the goddess do to you?¡± he laughed a bit more, emphasizing the apparent comedy of the situation. I couldn¡¯t say that I held the same belief. ¡°Thee appeal h''r a deity and yet the crone seemed m''re like a demon to me.¡± I grumbled. Flitz closed his eyes in thought. ¡°Hm, haven¡¯t heard anyone speak Common like that before. That what she did? She make you talk weird?¡± I nodded. ¡°I might be missing something here, but it sounds like her joke fell flat here, though she does prefer outright mischief from time to time. Still, normally she prefers there be at least a punchline. Most curious indeed.¡± he conjectured, smiling. ¡°Alright lad, normally Mary doesn¡¯t do any real harm, so I think you ought to just give it time. She may even drop by to give you advice if you¡¯re patient.¡± If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. At this I sighed. He seemed to be implying that I shouldn¡¯t be so harsh on her, but it was kinda hard to do that after she kidnapped me and tied me to a fucking chair. ¡°I wouldst like to concur, but the demon also hath chosen to abduct me. The crone wouldst doth well not to antagonize me furth''r.¡± I said as sharply as I could, though this ¡®blessing¡¯ made it a challenge. ¡°Ah yes, she does like to be more personal about it sometimes. Consider yourself lucky, she doesn¡¯t do that with just anyone!¡± he bantered. ¡°Father! I¡¯m not so sure he feels the same!¡± Ava cut in.
Our conversation had lasted a while longer, though it had eventually shifted past the topic of gods and goddesses. Apparently Flitz and the goddess had quite the history, though the precise nature of it was beyond me. When Ava had attempted to mention my status as an outworlder, I gave her a look. When I made motion to head to sleep, I pulled her aside to explain myself. Without going into too much detail, I essentially said that I didn¡¯t want to have that conversation in my current state, but that I would be happy to talk whenever this passed, if I was still in the town. A Goddess of Jokes huh? I didn¡¯t meet any gods when I first arrived here¡­ were they even involved with that? The one I met had seemed to be mostly oblivious save for her apparent knowledge of Shakespeare. I guess I¡¯ll find out eventually. The moons were beginning to wane, but I thought that I could see what looked like glints of light around the orbital path of the smaller one. I ought to get or try to make a telescope one of these days. I wonder what¡¯s out there¡­
Like most days, I woke up well before the sun had begun to rise. I sat up in the bed and looked around, patting my hand around the night stand looking for the lantern that I had been given with the room. I moved my hand away, giving up, only to feel my hand impact something soft and fleshy. ¡°Hi!¡± said a voice that seemed to come from where I had groped. The light of a lantern suddenly crested the intruder from below, illuminating her face like someone telling a campfire story. The goddess. In the light of the now lit lantern, I grabbed Stabby and brandished it at her, ready to strike. ¡°Hey woah! No need to be so aggressive Maxie! I¡¯m here to talk, so let¡¯s put the spear down and be civil.¡± she laughed nervously. ¡°Thee wisheth to discourse? To beest civil? Wherefore art thee not abducting me again?¡± I demanded, though once again it killed me that I couldn¡¯t effectively dress her down. Even so, I decided that if she wanted to bargain, then I would take that before ever attempting to slay a god. This isn¡¯t some seasonal trash isekai after all, just a trash isekai. And trust me, there¡¯s a difference. ¡°You were waking up to go experiment with magic again, right? Well let¡¯s go there! We can talk during!¡± she offered. How the hell does she know that. Wait no she¡¯s a goddess of course she knows that. I sighed, and silently nodded in assent. I gestured for her to follow, keeping Stabby in hand.
The walk to the previously smoldering crater of my earlier experiment was silent. I didn¡¯t know what she was planning, but whatever it was, I was not ready. I¡¯m not going to say that I was ready for whatever nonsense a literal god could get up to. Like I said in chapter one: that shit¡¯s above my paygrade, even now after writing this. When we arrived at the site, I looked at her expectantly. Say your piece damn it. Talk. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t worry about me. I want to let you experiment first, I¡¯m very curious you see.¡± she said, waving her hand in dismissal. Bitch I can¡¯t cast like this. I don¡¯t want to know what¡¯ll happen when I¡¯m in this state! Even so, I didn¡¯t want to argue with her right now. The last thing I needed was to reaffirm her belief that my suffering was indeed amusing. Instead, I decided to focus on the non-verbal aspects of magic ¡ª the mana itself. I didn¡¯t have any runes, but I could still try to figure out mana. What about saturation? Jasko had said that saturated objects are unstable¡­ or something. I picked up a rock about the size of a softball and focused on my mana. I tried to pass it into the rock, and with some difficulty I managed, though it did seem to expend mana to even do that. By the time I had gotten what I considered to be a reasonable amount into the rock, I had expended nearly twice as much as I had put in the rock. Weirdly enough, it felt just a little bit heavier. It also felt somewhat warm, the implications of which were lost on me. The goddess had simply been observing from about a meter away, her gaze transfixed on the rock in my hand. Time to test what Jasko said. I gave the rock a strong overhand throw, aiming at a small tree that looked like one of those weird palm trees with the thick trunks, though it was dotted with vibrant red flowers. The rock sailed through the air, striking true. And as it did, I heard a loud bang echo through the air, almost like a gunshot. I felt and heard something whizz past my ear ¡ª likely a piece of shrapnel. The rock had exploded in a cloud of dust accented with luminous blue arcs of mana. ¡­ Holy shit. I guess that could be useful in a pinch, though I definitely can¡¯t use that again for a while. That took a lot of my mana! It was when the dust dissipated that the goddess spoke up. ¡°Woah! I haven¡¯t seen someone do that in years! Most people are too scared of blowing their hands off to try that!¡± she exclaimed excitedly. I gave her a look of annoyance, hoping that she would finally get the hint. She seemed to get something alright, since she spoke again, this time less excited. ¡°Alright fine, we can talk. And just for starters, I¡¯m not sorry. BUT, I do feel bad.¡± Aren¡¯t those literally the same thing??? ¡°I¡¯ll tell you what. Knowledge ¡ª er, the God of Knowledge, has information about your world pretty locked down. Most outworlders from there are pretty scared of him after that show of power he did like a century ago, so not much has gotten around about it.¡± she said. ¡°But you are fresh. He doesn¡¯t know about you yet, and I want to know about the kinds of comedy in your world. So how about this ¡ª tell me about your world¡¯s comedy, and I might lift that blessing!¡± She just wants to know about Earth¡¯s comedy? Nothing else? I opened my mouth to speak, but she stopped me. ¡°Oh! While I do think that Shakespeare guy was pretty funny, I don¡¯t really understand him all that well, so I¡¯ll let you talk normally for now!¡± she said, snapping her fingers. Like before, I didn¡¯t feel any physical changes take place. I didn¡¯t even feel the mana in my body change or fluctuate. It¡¯s like what she did was entirely in a vacuum. ¡°About damn time. You wanna hear about Earth¡¯s comedy? You got it, as long as I get to talk normally after this.¡± ¡°I already said that but-¡± ¡°No, you said you might lift it. I don¡¯t want a might. I want a guarantee. Do that and we¡¯ll talk comedy.¡± I demanded. This was apparently enough for her. ¡°Fine! You can talk normally after this! Now let¡¯s hear it! Tell me some jokes! I wanna hear it all!¡±
It was afternoon before that conversation reached its end. I decided that it was as good a time as ever to utilize the abundance of videos I had saved to my phone via less-than-legal means. I had movies of all kinds, video essays that I had for some reason saved, memes, you name it. She had been enamored by most of it, but what really got her interest was absurdist humor and memes. While there is overlap, it was the abundance of templates and styles of memes that drew most of her attention as opposed to absurdist humor, in which case it was mostly the nature of the genre itself. I had also showed her some stand-up comedy, but she had brushed that off. Apparently her followers like to travel around and do that as like a form of worship or something. Weird, but fitting. After I had finally reached the end of my repertoire of Earthly comedy, the goddess had seemed very satisfied with what I had to say. Oddly enough, she hadn¡¯t been interested in my phone in the slightest, save for the potential it had for comedy. ¡°Alright, I think I¡¯m happy with what you¡¯ve given me here! I would like to thank you-¡± ¡°Are gods mortal?¡± I asked, cutting her off. ¡°Of course not silly!¡± she giggled. ¡°Oh, okay then! In that case, if you ever do anything like that again to me-¡± I got right up in her face that I still can¡¯t remember. ¡°-then I will find a way to make you mortal.¡± She burst out laughing at this. ¡°Stop! Oh please stop! You¡¯ve given me enough material already today!¡± she wheezed. ¡­ After she calmed down, she continued where she had left off. ¡°I want to thank you, Max. I would like to bestow upon you a real blessing. And don¡¯t worry, no Shakespeare this time.¡± She began to fade from existence before she began to speak again. ¡°May your tongue be silver always, Max.¡± she said before her fading form exploded in smoke, with high-pitched laughter emanating through the air. I Cast GUN She had better not be the norm for gods. I had returned back to the tavern after that little misadventure in hopes of getting a bit more rest. Expending all that mana and dealing with that goddess had left me a bit exhausted. I requested the next day off from Ava, and she granted it after I told her the whole story regarding the goddess. It was during that day off and the subsequent days that I decided to devote more time to understanding magic, this time with a much lighter hand. Safety first, magic doesn¡¯t fuck around.
I had once again made my way back to the crater that was my site of experimentation, intent on learning something potentially useful, and not just a dangerous way to make a bomb and expend most of my mana doing so. The sun was just beginning to rise when I began testing spell combinations. I reaffirmed to myself that I would avoid causing any explosions like before if I could help it. I started with something nice and simple: Ignite oxygen. It hadn¡¯t had the effect that I had expected, but it didn¡¯t take me long to figure out why. Oxygen isn¡¯t flammable on its own, so I would need to use something as a catalyst for such a reaction. Hydrogen was weirdly plentiful, so I suppose it could make for something useful in a pinch, but it seemed a bit dangerous to try that again so soon, so I opted for a different spell. Using a very small amount of mana in my hand, I spoke. ¡°Generate electricity.¡± This produced a small tingling or buzzing feeling in my hand, which confirmed that I could generate electricity with mana. There also seemed to be more arcing of mana, which seemed to not be exclusive to outright discharges. Now if only I could figure out just how much mana is required to generate a particular amount of energy. That would give me numbers to work with, and numbers are my friend here I think. I could infer that mana must have had a small amount of mass when I did the rock-bomb thing the day prior. I decided to try expelling mana from my body without casting. After all, if I could put mana into a rock, then surely I could expel it out of me and into nothing. I held my hand out in front of me and focused on my insides. Finding my lungs and therein my mana, I pulled it into my hand, and tried to force it out. It didn¡¯t take long before I could feel it begin to drain from me, leaving that distinct inward feeling of pressure when I cast anything at all. It wasn¡¯t nearly as intense as when I went through depressurization, but I could definitely notice it more than normal here. It was when I tried to check if anything had actually left me that I had been quite stumped. There was nothing in the air. I had entertained the idea that even if it were particles ¡ª which it had to be if it had mass, I think ¡ª then it would have probably been invisible anyway unless it worked like atoms and could bond into larger molecules visible to the eye. I then had an idea, a potentially stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless. Hear me out. Detect mana spell. In my mind, the idea had some merit. I might even learn something depending on how the spell represented the information. It might not tell me at all if I don¡¯t tell it to, but that¡¯s what I¡¯m curious about. Will it even say anything if I don¡¯t specify the means of representation? Only one way to find out! ¡°Detect mana.¡± ¡­ It started with just one. One singular ticking sound that sounded like it came from nowhere, and yet everywhere at once. Then it became two ticks. Then three. Then four. Then five, six, seven ¡ª until the ticking gained such a high frequency that it came out as a single, low tone. Before it had reached that point, I¡¯d had an epiphany. This sounds like a geiger counter! Does that mean anything? Is mana actually radiation?? But if it is then why does it seem to have mass? It could just be how the spell chose to represent whatever data it is that it got, and if that¡¯s the case then I need a way to observe it¡­ This line of thought had unfortunately been getting me nowhere. I couldn¡¯t even begin to imagine how I would detect something like that with the tools I had now. As such, I instead chose to explore a different avenue of magic. What if I ask a question? Like normal, I pulled mana into my outstretched hand and spoke. ¡°Condense water vapor?¡± Water droplets appeared orbiting my hand just like they had before. No change then. Alright, let¡¯s try something else. ¡°What is mana?¡± I said as I channeled mana into my hand. ¡­ ¡­ Nothing. I could feel the mana being expended, but nothing happened. Are open ended questions not allowed? Hmm. I channeled my mana once more. ¡°Yes or no ¡ª is water wet?¡± ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ Nothing again? I guess not even magic has the answer to that question! ¡­I should probably find a better spell than penetrate. It takes more mana than I¡¯d like. My thoughts exactly, past me! I had come to the realization that I would benefit from a more efficient attack spell. Something to defend myself with that wouldn¡¯t leave me briefly stunned or defenseless. I had a few ideas, but not many of them held much water. I had briefly considered jokingly saying something like ¡°die¡±, but I didn¡¯t want to risk something like that misfiring. I also had a strong feeling that something like that simply wouldn¡¯t work how I would want it to, and I was in no rush to test it. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. I had considered a few options, though I had found myself drawn to one in particular. I had picked up a small rock, looking at the tree that I had so callously attacked the morning prior. There shouldn¡¯t be much energy required to bring a small rock to deadly speeds. Let¡¯s start simple. I took a pose not dissimilar to that of a baseball pitcher, and channeled mana into the hand holding the rock. As I threw it with force, I yelled- ¡°Accelerate!¡± I heard a loud crack! And when I examined the tree, I found a small rock embedded about an inch into the trunk. It had fractured and shattered into a number of smaller pieces where it had embedded, but it had still done its job. It might not pierce an armored target, but it¡¯ll definitely do some damage to a soft target, maybe even kill. Not to mention that hardly took any mana compared to before! Penetrate takes way more mana than this! Alright, first give it more mana, then make it more specific. I think I can make something out of this! I am getting to that damn school and no one is stopping me! I tried the spell again, giving it what felt like twice as much mana as before. Ka-crack! This time it had pierced nearly four inches, creating a small crater where it had impacted. It was much louder too. The first one had definitely been subsonic. Alright, let¡¯s refine this thing! I don¡¯t know what mechanism it was using to accelerate it though¡­ maybe it just increased the kinetic energy? Can it just do that? Hm, I don¡¯t see why not if it could just rip things apart with penetration¡­ what if I increase the speed itself? I know that kinetic energy quadruples when speed doubles, so if I use that logic, then I should be able to get it up to quite a lot of speed. I hope that school has a way to measure mana¡­ I readied another rock to be thrown, winding my arm back. I took a deep breath, and spoke. ¡°Multiply velocity by four!¡± ¡­ The rock hit the ground about three meters away. What gives? ¡­ Oh wait. It must be multiplying it while I¡¯m throwing it, which gave it a hell of a lot less extra speed. Alright let¡¯s try that again. ¡°Multiply velocity by four after I throw this rock!¡± I said, stepping forward as I threw the rock. I immediately regretted this as my entire body was thrown forward. I went into a roll when I hit the ground, rolling until I hit the tree. ¡°OH so NOW it misinterprets??¡± I yelled to no one in particular. I stumbled when I got up off the ground, breathing heavily before dusting myself off. I couldn¡¯t tell if it had been the spell that had given me the sudden exhaustion, or if being tossed into a tree had done it. Nevertheless, I tried again, this time specifying just which object¡¯s speed was being increased. ¡°Multiply this rock¡¯s velocity by four after I throw it!¡± ¡­ Why are my ears ringing? And is my nose bleeding again? And why didn¡¯t I throw the rock? And why am I laying on the ground with my face in the dirt and my ass in the air? And why am I losing consciousness??
For the fifth time since arriving in this world, I accidentally woke up in a bed that I did not enter. Though all things considered, I had a pretty good idea of where I was. Maybe it was the fact that I had seen this exact room before. Or maybe it was the fact that Ava had just cleared her throat from next to me. ¡°Hi Ava.¡± I greeted. ¡°Do you wanna explain what you were doing this time, Max? Or do I need to make you work the rest of your time here.¡± she threatened. ¡°Hm. Gun?¡± I said with uncertainty. She sighed, putting a hand to her face. ¡°And just what in the hells is a gun, Max?¡± ¡°Uhm¡­ a weapon?¡± This had not been the answer she was looking for, apparently. ¡°Max, why were you making weapons?¡± she said, menacingly. I had considered running away, but something told me that she would be faster, and that I would not like what happened next. You know what? Fuck it. Double down. ¡°Self-defense.¡± She actually seemed to calm down upon hearing this. ¡°Alright¡­ I can understand that, but what exactly is it that you¡¯re afraid of? Another god? Because if that¡¯s the case then you should give up.¡± ¡°I mean, I would be lying if I said that I hadn¡¯t thought of that, but I¡¯m more worried about more animals like lupien and whatever that duhen argen is. If I miss with a spell, I don¡¯t want to be stunned or weakened by it.¡± I reasoned. ¡°Well it seems to me like you got just that when I came looking for you. Did the dirt taste good?¡± she teased. ¡°Eh, I¡¯ve had worse.¡± I shot back.
After that incident, I decided that it would be safest to just use the low powered version of the spell. I ended up spending the rest of the week working with Ava and learning more about that world. Apparently there were a lot of gods, and when I say a lot, I mean that they had enough gods for Hinduism to take them to court over copyright infringement. On my second to last day in the town, I checked in on Kalenz¡¯ shop. He had been hard at work apparently, and was ready to present a product. He had seemed quite proud, so I allowed him the song and dance of it all. ¡°Lad, you are going to be elated when you see what I¡¯ve made. Come with me into the shop.¡± he demanded. He nearly shoved me along, so I could only imagine how excited he must have been. He led me into the same room where he had originally strung up the hide that I had so poorly preserved. In the place of the rack he had used was a simple coat hanger. I approached the object to take a look, only to realize something. He hadn¡¯t made a cloak. He had made a jacket! It even had a hood! It was almost like a trenchcoat, with the bottom end of the coat extending down to my ankles. I felt the inside of the coat, and it had been cool to the touch, like when metal saps the heat from you when you touch it. But the inside also felt like leather. ¡°Kalenz, what is this inner material made from?¡± I inquired. ¡°That, lad, is the hide of a kvanlos! It¡¯s a rare kind of duhen argen that prefers to bring snowstorms instead of sandstorms, though the hide I have is quite old. Normally their hide is used to freeze foods to preserve them, but this one¡¯s been worn down by age, so it isn¡¯t nearly as valuable. Even so, it makes for a great coat liner!¡± There¡¯s that duhen argen being mentioned again¡­ is it actually one? Or is it just a relative? I would bet my money on the latter. Snowstorms sound like a pretty drastic change. Do all of them have some level of control over the weather, or is it just a misconception? I took his hand and shook it, taking him by surprise. ¡°Thank you so much for this, Kalenz. I won¡¯t forget what you¡¯ve done for me today.¡± ¡°Well don¡¯t thank me yet, I still owe you a set of brands!¡± he reminded me. Before I could respond, he rushed to another room. I heard some things being thrown around before he returned, a sack in hand. He gestured me over to a table, and dumped the contents of the sack. A series of metal clangs resonated in the air when roughly fifty of the things clattered onto the table. ¡°Lad, if you pass mana through one of these and press it into an item, it will be branded. Channel mana into the new brand, and it will cast a spell. That spear you¡¯ve got there, you could put a penetration rune on the blade, and some runes for a force shield on the other end where it¡¯s flat. You¡¯ve got quite a few runes here, but truth be told, I don¡¯t know what they all do. You might want to find out for yourself, or ask someone who knows more. Though I can say with certainty what runes are for the penetration and shield spells.¡± he said as he separated them from the rest. He continued while putting the runes back into the sack. ¡°A word of warning, these brands are very volatile when saturated, so take great care when branding with them. This is why we prefer spellsilver. It¡¯s not only safer, but it¡¯s easier to channel mana into it as well. Do be careful, I would hate to see someone like you lose your life to this.¡± Hear that Stabby? Time for an upgrade. Intermission Hello readers! I¡¯m the Goddess of Literature, and I have escaped containment to do Max a favor in writing! This won¡¯t be a very long chapter since the alarms are already going off, but I really feel like there needs to be a brief change in perspective! But worry not! I will be discreet and ensure that I don¡¯t say too much! Now please allow me to set the stage!
All is quiet in the cosmic abyss, immersed in the warm glow of nebulae and dead mana stars. A door to nowhere opens, and out of it floats a familiar yet disturbingly forgettable presence. The vaguely humanoid being floats aimlessly for a moment before another form coalesces into existence nearby. It takes the form a small, young boy. He wears a warm gray dress shirt under an azure sweater vest. Rectangular glasses and a brunette bowl cut frame his face, making him appear both childlike and sophisticated. He has a curious, yet critical glint to his deep brown eyes. ¡°Jokes, it¡¯s been a while. What brought you back to our space?¡± he asks. His curiosity has gotten the best of him, and so he puts on a faux friendly demeanor. Appearing behind the boy, Jokes wraps him in a suffocating hug, though he doesn¡¯t react. ¡°Ohhh Tech it¡¯s been so long!¡± she says as she squeezes him before sighing. ¡°Buuut I¡¯m not here for pleasantries unfortunately.¡± she whines. ¡°No, I¡¯ve got something that just might interest you!¡± At this, Tech raises an eyebrow. ¡°Oh really? And just what exactly could you have that would interest me?¡± His eyes scanned Jokes¡¯ nearly featureless form, finding nothing of note. Jokes notices this and moves to correct the misunderstanding. She gets right up to his face and lowers her voice to a whisper, putting the back of her hand to the side of her mouth. ¡°What I mean is I found a new outworlder. And, he¡¯s not like the others.¡± As Tech is naturally skeptical of anything Jokes has to say, he carefully probes further. ¡°...elaborate.¡± Jokes manifests a chair and sits down, though in doing so she ends up floating in the opposite direction of Tech. ¡°So! While I was warping around Aust, I felt a surge of energy in the Poporean desert near that girtablilu village. I got curious and decided to go see what happened. And you will not believe what I found!¡± Tech is unimpressed so far. He¡¯s convinced this is all just an elaborate waste of time. ¡°You found an outworlder. You already said that.¡± Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. Jokes nods rapidly. ¡°I did! And he¡¯s very special! He¡¯s from that Earth place that Knowledge is being such a meanie about. Have you heard of it?¡± Tech sighs. His form shifts somewhat, indicating his annoyance. ¡°No, Jokes. I haven¡¯t. If he knows about it already, then he isn¡¯t going to be sharing that with us minor gods.¡± ¡°Well this outworlder hasn¡¯t been very quiet about his homeworld. It¡¯s a pretty crazy place¡­¡± she trails off. ¡°Well? Out with it. What¡¯s so special about his world that you felt the need to bother me?¡± he spat. Jokes dramatically cocked her head, putting a finger to her cheek. ¡°Hmmmmmm. I dunno¡­ I feel like it¡¯s on the tip of my tongue, but I just can¡¯t quite remember. If only I weren¡¯t banned from our space, I might be able to remember!¡± Tech rolls his eyes. ¡°Jokes you knew the agreement we had. Civ and I held up our end, but when it really mattered you completely ghosted us. Magic nearly killed us all! Theatre was heartbroken!¡± ¡°Ohh come onnn! I¡¯m not a fighter! I know you remember that scuffle I had with the pantheon. The only reason I¡¯m alive is because the mortals were heckling them over it! I would have only been in the way if I had been there with you!¡± she whines. This was taking more energy than it was worth, but Tech also really wanted to know about this outworlder. His skepticality had taken a backseat to his curiosity, for better or worse. He groaned. ¡°Alright how about this: You¡¯ll tell me whatever it is that you were going to tell me about this guy, and I¡¯ll talk to Civ and Theatre about letting you back in permanently. Sound good?¡± Jokes hemmed, then hawed for a moment more before responding. ¡°I think I can work with that.¡± ¡°Well get on with it then.¡± Tech demanded. ¡°Alright alright, have some patience! I was going to say that his world is full of really advanced technology. They don¡¯t have any mana so they have all these crazy inventions! One of my favorites is their-¡± He cuts her off. ¡°Stop right there. Why didn¡¯t you lead with that?¡± Jokes scoffs. ¡°Well I had to make a show of it! For all the people watching! ¡­or reading? I forgot which one. Anyway their technology is really cool, and I know that¡¯s like¡­ your whole thing.¡± Tech is taken aback by this. ¡°My whole thing? Jokes, that¡¯s my domain. Where is this guy?¡± ¡°Oh he¡¯s over in Tokal. I think he¡¯s supposed to be leaving soon? You might be able to catch him while he¡¯s traveling if you¡¯re quick!¡± Tech says nothing as he fades out of their space, seemingly intent on speaking with this outworlder as soon as possible. ¡°Aww he didn¡¯t even thank me!¡±
Alright readers, this¡¯ll have to be where I end this brief intermission for now! I would love to continue it, but unfortunately I believe I heard Max enter the house just a moment ago. He¡¯s throwing things and he¡¯s yelling something about making me recite some kind of script about bees¡­? Anyway! I need to stop writing now, see you next time if I¡¯m not dead! Rock and Stone! My sincerest apologies readers, it appears that a minor goddess has made additions to my book without my permission. I cannot remove these additions due to the nature of this particular goddess¡¯s abilities, so I have done the next best thing and punished her to the best of my ability. I am also legally required under the Divine Entity Suppression Act of 635 to say that I have, at time of writing, successfully contained the aforementioned goddess and ensured that she will not cause problems for the foreseeable future. Once again, my sincerest apologies to any aspiring authors who may have been affected by her transgressions. And now with that legal bullshittery out of the way, on to the chapter! And right into the action might I add!
¡°Hey uh Mr. Driver Man¡­? I think we have something tailing us¡­ or rather somethings.¡± I said nervously. The driver of the rear caravan wagon turned his head back to take a look. I thought the Elf would have lost his feathers had they puffed out any further as his face contorted in a mix of fear and¡­ excitement? Pursuing us was a small pack of quadrupeds covered in brown feathers, with each having small pseudo-wings on all four legs ¡ª the feathers of which terminated in horizontal black stripes. Their tail feathers also possessed this feature as they fanned from side to side as they moved. On closer approach they began letting out shrill cries in regular intervals, sounding almost like the laughing cry of a falcon. ¡°Aye lad! That there¡¯s a pack of lesser savannah arlynx!¡± said the driver as he pulled out a small hand crossbow from a pack behind him. ¡°Smart little buggers too! They know our draft beasts are slowing down to rest, so they think this¡¯ll be an easy hunt!¡± the driver bellowed. ¡°Little do they know, the hunter is about to become the hunted!¡± Hearing this gave me confidence. ¡°Am I alright to help out then?¡± I asked, an idea forming in my head. ¡°Lookin¡¯ ta help us out are ya?¡± he replied. ¡°Well who am I to deny ya! If you¡¯ve got a bow then fire away! These little things aren¡¯t just gonna let us kill ¡®em!¡± he laughed. I didn¡¯t have a bow, but my idea was about as close to one as I could get. I took a rock from the sack that had once contained rations, and drew my arm back. ¡°Accelerate!¡± With a burst of internal mana I let loose the rock, hearing a deafening bang! as it hurtled at one of the arlynx¡­ only for it to deftly evade the makeshift bullet with a lazy sway, its piercing eyes glowing a subtle white. The rock¡¯s impact kicked up a cloud of dust behind its intended target as they continued their pursuit. ¡­ The FUCK?? Did that thing just dodge?! [Well yeah what did you think was gonna happen?] But I basically shot a g- ¡­ How did you get out. [Max, you locked a door.] Corner. Now.
Where were we? Uhh.. right! Caravan! Gun failed! ¡°Lad! Are you a magus?! You should ¡®ave said somethin¡¯! We¡¯d have paid ya to come along!¡± yelled the driver from behind me as he loosed another bolt, grazing one of the arlynx. By this point the entire caravan had joined in steadily bringing down the pack¡¯s numbers. This had me confused since Jasko had mentioned that most people know how to cast. ¡°Can¡¯t most people cast?¡± I yelled back in question. ¡°Aye that¡¯s right lad! But not many can do it under stress ¡ª most of us just go into discharge! It requires a lot of training to get that far! In fact, you seem pretty young; who taught you?¡± he said, firing another bolt ¡ª this one hit a more exhausted looking arlynx square in the head, killing it instantly. ¡°I was taught in a small Girtablilu village in the south! Dilanja if I remember correctly!¡± I said, hurling another rock, this one reasonably saturated. The shrapnel of the ensuing explosion killed at least three arlynx, injuring a few more. ¡°Ahh that would explain it then! They¡¯re excellent teachers I hear, especially when it comes to magic!¡± he surmised, reaching around his bag for more bolts. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. I nearly died to it, but to each their own I suppose. The arlynx were beginning to back off now, so we opted to return to our more relaxed state. ¡°They definitely have a unique way of teaching! But no, I¡¯m not a proper magus, I don¡¯t think. That¡¯s why I¡¯m going to Elion; I want to learn more about magic.¡± ¡°Got yer eye on that academy they¡¯ve got then? Normally I¡¯d advise against it, since they¡¯re pretty strict about who they let in, but you just might have the talent to catch their eye!¡± he guffawed. As we continued our conversation draft beasts had began to slow to a near stop. When they had fully stopped we set up camp for the night, each wagon erecting their own amenities and utilities. The wagon that I had been riding contained only the driver and myself. The driver had taken to mingling with the other wagons; while I had chosen to remain alone at the wagon for a short while.
I took Stabby in both hands and examined the blade, freshly engraved runes subtly illuminating the blade. I had nearly destroyed it trying to brand it, those brands really are touchy when it comes to the iron ones! Fortunately I had been able to prevent a major discharge, and only ended up burning myself. The spell that I had given Stabby was a simple penetration spell like Kalenz had recommended. It used three runes, one to indicate the foundational command ¡ª penetrate, one to define the magnitude, and one to define the range. Those two parameters had a strong influence on the overall mana consumption of the spell, so I kept them relatively low. Upon having first tested the spell against the poor tree ¡ª apparently a nemlys tree ¡ª that I had been assailing during my experiments, I found that even keeping the parameters low still gave a rather decent output. The spell had nearly brought the tree down from nearly 15 feet away! The mana consumption still wasn¡¯t great though, but that may have had something to do with the nature of the spell itself, and not just the parameters. Either way, when Ava found out about the tree I thought she¡¯d been about to skin me alive! She gave me quite the dressing down, telling me that if she ever caught me doing that again that she would have me working that tavern for the next year! I¡¯d laughed, but if looks could kill, then the gaze she hit me with would have atomized me on the spot. I examined the other end of the spear. The apparent function of the oar-like ending had seemingly been revealed to me when I learned what you could do with runes. A shield spell had been my choice of spell. And by flipping the spear around, I could conjure a small shield at that end of the spear. It would move wherever I aimed the spear, and the strength of the shield was directly proportional to how much mana I put into it. There were four runes for this particular spell. The first one of course defined the spell itself, while the second one was a bit different. That one actually further defined what type of shield it would cast. I could cast either a ¡®hard¡¯ shield, or a ¡®soft¡¯ shield. Hard shields were solid walls of mana, according to Kalenz, and were extremely costly to even cast them at all. They would most often be found used by either incredibly skilled combat magi as a sort of instant parry instead of a persistent shield, or large creatures that had enough mana stores to maintain one, like the sandworm. Soft shields are where it gets interesting though, since they don¡¯t directly stop something with what would essentially be physical matter. Instead, they use a force of sorts to slow down projectiles and blows. I had theorized that it might sap kinetic energy in some way other than placing a solid obstacle in the way, which had led me to the conjecture that it used some kind of gravity field. It seemed plausible, but I also admitted to myself that it was also rather far-fetched. Gravity is normally only produced in large amounts by very dense or massive objects, so I eventually ruled it out. Perhaps a more esoteric method then? I had considered that maybe magic could directly manipulate energy, since it could spontaneously bond elements. And if this was the case, then the potential of magic had just skyrocketed immensely. I tore my eyes away from Stabby and gave my gaze to the sky. I allowed my eyes to wander again to the two Helsan moons ¡ª Lus and Mis. Mis had still seen better days, with the glint that I had noticed a few nights prior at Ava¡¯s tavern having become more noticeable. Rings, albeit not formed to their fullest extent quite yet. Mis was progressing along it¡¯s own destruction rather quickly, and for that it had my sympathy. And yet I still could not help but admire the innate beauty of such an event, the very idea held me enraptured.
I finished my astronomical observations and made for the other wagon that the driver had been chatting up. They were sat around what looked to be a mess kit of sorts perched over a fire, the pot boiling over with a savory scent wafting from it. The driver ¡ª whose name I would learn to be Brom ¡ª quickly took notice and waved me over. ¡°Come on over and ¡®ave some stew Mr. Magus! Those arlynx gave us plenty to go around!¡± I picked up the pace and made my way over to the fire and took a seat. The caravan seemed to consist mostly of elves, though I had noticed a new sapient species among them. It was short. It was stocky. And it was positively covered in¡­ hair? Feathers? These ones were weird. I wouldn¡¯t quite tell what about them was causing that effect. They had a very smooth quality to them, almost like they were a flat sheet of hair¡­ material? I decided that I would have to get a closer look in the future. Woah. Head to toe. I can barely see the eyes on this one! That plate armor looks really heavy too! ¡°Havin¡¯ a gander at Sanon? I don¡¯t blame ya, dwarves pretty rare around these parts. They tend to keep to themselves in their forge cities in the far south. When they do venture out here it¡¯s usually pretty important.¡± Brom explained. This intrigued me, so I inquired further. ¡°Oh? And do you happen to know why Sanon is out here?¡± Brom seemed to be recalling something. ¡°Ahh¡­ she¡¯s out here lookin¡¯ for some spellsilver. I told her that she¡¯d be finding it easiest over in Elion, and so she insisted on tagging along. She offered her labor as compensation, so we settled on that. Dwarves are really quite strong, and they¡¯ll drink damn near anyone under the table too!¡± he said with boisterous laughter. ¡°She?¡± I couldn¡¯t really tell, and truth be told I didn¡¯t want to assume. ¡°Is that the norm for dwarves?¡± I asked cautiously. I hadn¡¯t really any idea on gender norms or how well it was understood on Helsa, so I chose to tread carefully. Brom had noticed the apparently evident caution in my voice. ¡°Oh don¡¯t worry much about that lad. They all look about the same, and I don¡¯t mean that to be rude. They literally do look identical save for their clothing and accessories. That hair of theirs is something they¡¯ll never cut unless they absolutely have to. Under no circumstances should you ever touch it without permission.¡± This caught my attention. ¡°May I ask why it is that they never cut it?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯ll kill ¡®em.¡± I Cant Feel My Beard! Maybe the dwarves have a curse? I mean, magic exists so that sounds plausible. ¡°It¡¯ll kill them?¡± I repeated. Brom nodded. ¡°Eyup. They bleed somethin¡¯ fierce if it gets cut in the wrong place. I asked Sanon about it and she said that they have highly trained barbers back home that can cut it in case of disease, but that¡¯s apparently the only reason they¡¯ll ever cut it.¡± Why would they bleed from their hair? I know that birds tend to have blood in some of their feathers, but hair? That¡¯s strange, though the individual hairs on Sanon are really large, flat like feathers themselves. Temperature regulation perhaps? Eh screw it ¡ª let¡¯s go say hi. ¡°I¡¯ll be back in just a moment Brom.¡± I said, waving back at the man as I approached Sanon. Sanon noticed my approach as soon as I began moving toward her, actually. A bit strange, but I had seen much stranger things happen here so it was rather low on that list. Getting closer to her, I noticed more detail in her hair-feathers, some of them being the same ruddy brown color as the rest of them, but with a certain degree of translucence to them. ¡°Hey there! Your name is Sanon, right? My name is Max!¡± I said, enthusiastically introducing myself. Sanon focused her gaze on me even further than she already had. Her eyes were barely visible but I could feel the quiet intensity of her gaze boring a hole through me. ¡°Nice meeting you¡­ Max. You look strange.¡± she said bluntly, with a rather deep voice. Speaks her mind does she? I can get behind that, should make things easy. ¡°This might come off as rude, but if I may, Sanon ¡ª you bleed from your hair, is that right?¡± I asked, cautious. I had guessed that when she stayed silent for a moment, that she had been processing, because when she finished, the translucent hairs running down the sides of her face and arms in vertical lines flushed a deep red. Is- is she blushing?? ¡°Yes. Very rude. But not unexpected, so I will not fault you. We do bleed from our hair. Am I the first dwarf you¡¯ve ever seen?¡± she explained rather curtly after clearing her throat. ¡°Yep. Am I the first human you¡¯ve ever seen?¡± I asked in return. ¡°Ah, so you aren¡¯t a bald elf? I had thought your ears were a bit small for one.¡± she mused. I chuckled. ¡°Well that¡¯s definitely the first time I¡¯ve ever been called bald, especially since I¡¯ve got a full head of hair¡­¡± At this she stepped forward, reaching out and grabbing a handful of my luscious golden locks. The skin of her palm looked very rough, almost scaly. ¡°Hey HEY! Watch the hair please¡­¡± I whimpered. ¡°I am sorry, Max. Dwarves do not have the best sight, so I hadn¡¯t noticed that you had such hair. It feels very strange¡­ like a girtablilu¡¯s hair, actually¡­¡± she said as she continued to manhandle my hair¡­ until she stuffed her face in my hair and began to take a deep sniff. OKAY ENOUGH OF THAT. I tried pulling myself away from Sanon, though to little effect. Sanon didn¡¯t appear to have noticed my attempts, and so she continued sniffing my hair a moment longer before pulling away, seemingly satisfied. ¡°Our sense of smell is much better than our eyesight, so I wanted to get an idea of how you smelled. You smell bad.¡± she said, as if that justified her actions. Oh so we¡¯re playing that game huh? Well fine! I¡¯ll be even more cordial because you clearly don¡¯t mean anything by it! Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡°Hey now. In my defense, I haven¡¯t really had much of an opportunity to have a shower¡­ I think.¡± I said pensively. Wait, did I have an opportunity? Sanon shook her head in disappointment. ¡°Tokal had a bath house.¡± ¡°IT DID?!¡± Fuck. Damn it I knew I should have explored other parts of the town.
I had shamefully waddled back to the campfire where Brom and his associates were enjoying the stew they¡¯d made. They greeted me as I sat down and had a bowl myself. The stew was indeed thick, with a savory sort of flavor. Almost like those canned beef stews you get at the supermarket, but less processed tasting. Not terribly flavorful, but it was enough to be palatable. I had just finished my bowl when one of Brom¡¯s associates that I hadn¡¯t learned the name of spoke up. ¡°So didja learn anything about Miss Sanon over there?¡± he asked while suppressing a laugh. I shot him a look of exasperation, but relented with a sigh. ¡°I feel violated.¡± My reward for that statement was uproarious laughter amongst the campfire attendees. Brom slapped me on the back before enlightening me somewhat. ¡°Those dwarves tend to be very direct with their words and actions. Don¡¯t get too mad at her though, she¡¯s been through a lot. She¡¯ll adapt eventually, I think. She¡¯s a good kid.¡± Kid? ¡°Kid?¡± I asked. ¡°Hm? Yeah she¡¯s only 70.¡± he deadpanned. Only??? In hindsight, I should have seen this coming. ¡°Wait wait wait. Dwarven lifespans aside, how long do elves live??¡± I questioned. Brom seemed somewhat confused. ¡°Ehh¡­ on a good day an elf¡¯ll live to about 200¡­ 230 give or take. Why do you ask? How long do humans live?¡± ¡°Depending on the country, anywhere from 70 to 100. We don¡¯t really have much time compared to you.¡± I said, laughing at humanity¡¯s collective misfortune. Brom gave a somewhat shocked gasp. ¡°Boy, how old are you?¡± ¡°I am 23 years old.¡± I said matter-of-factly. One of Brom¡¯s associates whispered. ¡°Poor young¡¯un¡¯s nearly a quarter through his life at that age. For shame, Goddess ought to be punished.¡± Brom himself spoke up at this. ¡°Now Max, at that age why are you out here doing all this? You¡¯re a human so I know you¡¯re an outworlder, but you could have settled over in Tokal.¡± I shook my head. ¡°As a human I¡¯m already well into adulthood. On Earth I had been studying at a university, but since that got cut short, I¡¯m going to have to make my way in this world. Magic seems like a good field of study to pursue if I want that.¡± Brom sighed. ¡°I suppose I cannot blame ya, nor will I stop ya. You¡¯re a powerful asset on this journey, and as much as I hate to ask this of you, we would all very much appreciate it if you would continue lending your strength to us.¡± ¡°I would be more than happy to do that. That means more experience for me anyway, and that is something I need sorely.¡± I smiled, reminding myself of the several times I nearly saw God.
We turned in for the night not much longer after that conversation, though just as I was about to enter the wagon, I was stopped by Sanon. She brought me a small distance from the cart and made a slight curtsy. ¡°I would like to apologize for my behavior earlier. I had not realized just how much I had offended you. You do not have to forgive me, but please acknowledge my regret.¡± ¡­ I had nearly patted her on the head before realizing what a transgression like that might do in this situation. ¡°Sanon, it¡¯s okay. I was just a little flustered in the moment. There isn¡¯t any need to apologize.¡± ¡°But I- ¡°No buts! All I ask is that you ask permission next time you intend to touch me again. No hard feelings at all.¡± To be honest the whole situation had me more fascinated than anything else. Considering the nature of ¡°elves¡± and ¡°dwarves¡±, I had been much more eager to learn than I would have been if they were your bog-standard Tolkien races. Sanon seemed taken aback by this, and responded with concern lacing her voice. ¡°Are you certain? Most non-dwarves back home would have been much angrier than you. I am willing to repay you with whatever it is you deem appropriate¡­¡± Hmm. Anything? Hehehe. ¡°Alright¡­ your hair. I would like to touch it.¡± Sanon took a step back, her hairs flushing a deeper red than they had already. ¡°N-no you shouldn¡¯t¡­ I know I said anything but that¡¯s not¡­ really¡­¡± This is your time to shine Max! DO THE THING! In that moment, I did my best puppy eyes I could muster. All those years of being called a twink are finally paying off! Show her what for, past me! ¡­ Sanon let out a rather annoyed sigh, really choreographing it. ¡°Alright. Fine, you can touch my hair, but be very gentle. I will make you regret it if you violate my trust.¡± And with that, I put my hand atop her head. It was headpat time, and I would not be stopped. Is There Something on My Face? Each hair felt like a thin sheet of a sort of mix between leather and paper. If I remember correctly, then they would have been made of keratin, so it makes sense that they almost felt like finger nails, though much more flexible and soft. Kinda hypocritical to be so touchy about her hair after having so thoroughly violated mine. Maybe I ought to give her a good talking to later. ¡­ Nah just leave it. It¡¯s like¡­ a cultural thing or something¡­ whatever. As my hands lightly ruffled her hair, I noticed that it had become quite a bit warmer. This had to indicate either blushing, heat regulation, or both. Probably both, all things considered. Her translucent hairs around her face and the sides of her head were noticeably warmer than the others. A thinner layer of keratin maybe? Sanon reached up and grabbed my hand, pulling it away. It was then that I confirmed that her skin was indeed quite rough, the gray scale-like surface gripping my hand strongly as she removed my hand from her head. ¡°That¡¯s enough now. I think I have had enough contact for the time being. I will return to my cart for the night. You should too.¡± she said brusquely. And so that¡¯s exactly what I did. I padded my way over to Brom¡¯s cart and clambered inside. The older man regarded me with an amused expression gracing his aged features. ¡°Now ain¡¯t that one way to pull a girl¡¯s heartstrings. You¡¯d best be careful if that isn¡¯t your intention mister; dwarves don¡¯t normally expect courtship from others outside their region, let alone from another race!¡± he laughed. ¡°Now hold on just a moment! Is that what I just did? Did I just accidentally court her?? You said that they didn¡¯t let anyone touch it!¡± I panicked. At this Brom¡¯s laughter only intensified. If the other caravan members hadn¡¯t been trying to get some much needed shuteye then I bet he¡¯d have been wheezing on the floor of the cart. ¡°Oh ho no Max, I said you should never touch it under any circumstances! That¡¯s normally a violation of their cultural values and fears surrounding their hair. I¡¯m no expert, but if memory serves, then what you did is somewhat different: you got permission!¡± Oh no. No no no. Goddamn it Max! While he may have been having quite the laugh at my expense, Brom wasn¡¯t entirely imperceptive to my perceived plight. ¡°Ah but you shouldn¡¯t worry all that much lad. Sanon is very much aware that us northerners don¡¯t much adhere to their norms, so she was likely only flustered by it.¡± Oh thank god. Wait no do not thank god. I sighed in cautious relief. ¡°So I don¡¯t have to worry about rejecting her in the future, or something to that effect?¡± ¡°I actually expect her to preemptively reject you, not the other way around. She hasn¡¯t spoken much during her time with us, but if I had to guess, then she might also be overthinking it. Like I said, she¡¯s probably flustered by it, so if you get a rejection in the near future, then you can probably guess why.¡± ¡°Huh.¡± I uttered. ¡°Should I maybe set things straight? Like in case she goes the other direction with it?¡± Brom simply shrugged, a sly smile making his intentions both clear and infuriatingly vague. Noticing my glare, he turned over on his side while facing away from me, chuckling. Before long, Brom had begun to snore, prompting me to join him in sleeping. He had said this trip would take just under two months if we kept a decent pace. It was only then that I had thought to ask him just how long a month was here on Helsa. Precisely 30 days, apparently. 30 days, 30 hours. More convenient than Earth, with a 210 day year to boot! Wait. Now that I think about it, doesn¡¯t that mean that the actual ages of the people I know are different? Shit hang on just what have I been thinking this whole time¡­ Those thoughts were the ones that I would sleep to that night, with much math to be done.
That morning, I arose to find the cart already moving. I had nearly fallen off the cart when a bump in the road had jolted me awake. Scrambling back onto the cart, I took notice to something that was not there before. Sitting on the other side of the cart was a distinctly humanoid creature. Covered head to toe in big leafy hairs, was none other than Sanon. Why is she here. Her hairs were once again flushed red, indicating either a blush, or she was trying to cool herself off in the heat. Hard to say. Regardless, things quickly became awkward as I tried and failed to find words that made sense to say. The blush(?) began to fade before long, leaving things somehow even more awkward. ¡°So uhhhhhh¡­ nice weather we¡¯re having¡­?¡± I said as I failed the proverbial charisma check. Shit. Sanon turned to face me, her barely visible eyes focusing on my presumably blurry form. ¡°Yeah¡­ nice weather.¡± ¡­ ¡­ ¡­ A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. ¡°Sooo what brings you to this part of the neighborhood?¡± I asked. Sanon shrugged. ¡°Just thought this cart might be more comfortable. I was right.¡± Brom piped up from the front of the cart, apparently getting impatient with our bush beating. ¡°She wanted to talk to you, Max. Now the both of you had best quit with the awkwardness and talk!¡± Brom¡¯s not-so-subtle threat had definitely lit a fire under our collective ass, since Sanon spoke up rather quickly. ¡°Max, I want you to know that I am not interested in you as a suitor!¡± she said hurriedly before attempting to cover up her blushing hairs where a human would instead cover their face. This immediately killed the tension, since that was the exact topic that I had wanted to broach, but had been afraid to do so. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. ¡°That¡¯s what I had hoped for. It¡¯s nothing against you, but I had no clue that doing that had such implications, so I apologize.¡± Sanon shook her head. ¡°You do not need to apologize. You didn¡¯t know the full extent of what you did, and I was foolish to allow it.¡± I raised a brow, curious. ¡°Is it that sensitive a topic?¡± ¡°Mm, generally yes. Cutting it is very dangerous, as you know. But touching it has a different meaning, normally. It takes a lot of trust, though depending on the dwarf, they may be pressured into it at some point in their life. I¡­ felt guilty about what I did to you, so it seemed appropriate.¡± Holy shit I need to be more careful in the future. I¡¯m a goddamn idiot.
As that day continued, Sanon and I continued our cultural exchange. I saw a new side of her when she found out that I was an outworlder. Apparently most dwarves have never seen a human before, so she genuinely did think I was a weird elf at first. At her discovery, her disposition changed quite a bit compared to the first two times we spoke. She had been very enthusiastic to hear about Earth and the humans that inhabited it. It was during this conversation that I learned just how different the Helsan climate was. Cold climates are apparently very rare, with only the extreme southern end of Aust ¡ª the continent we were currently on ¡ª and the extreme northern part of Esta having any sort of snowfall. Helsa only really had two seasons, so it was during the wet season that the extremes of the planet saw any kind of snow. Sanon was very pleased to hear that colder climates were more common on Earth, but she quickly lost that valor when I mentioned global climate change. According to her, dwarves originally lived in the warmer regions in competition with elves, but the old Lontish Kingdom had begun forcefully removing them, which led to a bloody conflict that the dwarves unfortunately lost. The remaining dwarves retreated to the southern regions of Aust where they would spend the next two centuries. They would come to prefer the colder region, and when the Lontish Commune executed the old royalty, they invited the dwarves back into their territory. The dwarves refused, having come to prefer the colder regions. Sanon said that there also may have been some apprehension that also informed the decision to not reenter the warmer regions, though she said this with a shrug. I asked her about her apparent indifference toward the decision, and she said that it had been made well before she had been born. Status quo and all that. I eventually ended up asking her about her reasons for traveling with the caravan. She had told me that while she was in fact out here looking for spellsilver, she was certain that she had simply been banished, since spellsilver had become so rare. ¡°Why would they have banished you?¡± I queried. ¡°Ehhhh¡­ I might have gotten a little too overzealous with some of my magic.¡± she admitted sheepishly. ¡°Oh? Do tell?¡± ¡°I¡­ might have blown up the forge¡­¡± I could feel a manic smile creeping onto my face. ¡°What kind of spell was it, if you don¡¯t mind my asking?¡± ¡°I may have used a spell to get the forge much hotter than it normally is¡­ I thought it would get the metal hotter faster but it just blew up instead!¡± she nearly shouted, clearly embarrassed by her mistake. ¡­ ¡°What were the components?¡± I said, wondering how she could cause an explosion doing that. ¡°I just used ¡®increase heat¡¯ a bunch. I did end up discharging, but I was more worried about the forge¡­ the whole building completely collapsed!¡± Oh. That¡¯ll definitely do it. That much energy in that short of a time span? I suppose that could indeed cause an explosion. Lemme just file that one away for later. ¡°Maybe next time set a specific temperature?¡± I suggested. Sanon sighed. ¡°Yeah I guess. Though I don¡¯t think there¡¯ll be a next time¡­¡± Oh right. Shit. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t mean to come off rude.¡± I backpedaled. Sanon waved her hand side to side. ¡°Oh don¡¯t worry about it. I¡¯ve mostly gotten over it¡­¡± You are fooling no one Sanon, but I respect it.
We continued talking through the day and part of the night. Not much had happened that day, so we had plenty of time to shoot the shit. I had mentioned my interest in and experimentation with magic, which had brought her even further out of her shell. Upon learning about my water experiments, she had become very interested in outworlder knowledge, which made things rather difficult. Helsa didn¡¯t have any kind of atomic theory, so when I told her that water was made of two potentially explosive gasses, she had a hard time believing it. ¡°I mean¡­ we¡¯ve stopped moving. I could give you a small demonstration.¡± ¡°But you said that it was explosive?¡± ¡°It is explosive, but I think if I do it carefully I might be able to make it work.¡± Sanon narrowed her barely visible eyes. ¡°That certainly doesn¡¯t inspire confidence¡­¡± ¡°Oh hush. I got this.¡± I got up, hopped off the wagon and stood tall. I drew in a very small amount of mana, intent on making this work. I took note of a small puddle of rainwater from the earlier rain that had passed over us; we had long since entered a tropical forest of some kind, so rain was plentiful. I put the tip of my shoe into the puddle and began casting. ¡°Bond hydrogen and oxygen, relocate the produced heat into the puddle I have my foot in.¡± A small steam explosion immediately erupted from where my foot had been ¡ª the heat had clearly been relocated. Looking at my hand, I saw that it had indeed been engulfed in a small orb of pure water. I turned to Sanon, a smug smirk plastered on my face. My reward was a dropped jaw on Sanon¡¯s end, though not for the reasons I had thought. She tried to say something before stopping herself and immediately jumping off the cart and running toward me. Hm? What¡¯s up with that? Was there something on my face? And speaking of why can¡¯t I feel my face? I put a hand up to feel my face, and when I brought it back into my line of sight, it had been painted red with my blood. Sanon did not reach me before I hit the ground face first, my vision turning a deep crimson just before. Life, Uh, Finds a Way This gag must be getting old by now, so I¡¯m going to make it brief. For the umpteenth time I came to after having either got in over my head, or fucked something up so royally that I nearly met god ¡ª and I¡¯m not referring to any of the Helsan gods. I guess bleeding from my nose, mouth, and eyes was cause for concern, since upon awakening I found myself being frantically tended to by both Brom and Sanon. Opening my eyes, I grunted before finding my ability to speak. ¡°What¡¯d I miss?¡± I rasped. Brom very quickly raised his voice at me upon noticing my consciousness. ¡°What¡¯d you miss?! Boy I ought to wring your neck after trying something like that! You gave the whole caravan a scare! Sanon here has a better understanding of what exactly it is that you did though, so I¡¯ll let her give you a proper scolding.¡± Sanon sighed. ¡°You are correct in that I understand it better, Brom sir. But I do not believe he needs to be scolded so much as he needs to be corrected before he hurts himself or someone else in the future.¡± Brom raised a brow at this. ¡°That so? I don¡¯t necessarily agree with your assertion there, but if that¡¯s what you think is best here then so be it. My point stands though ¡ª he shouldn¡¯t be endangering himself or others, and if I find that he did so again, he will be dropped off at the nearest town.¡± ¡°Hey- hey guys? I¡¯m right here you know¡­¡± I piped up. ¡°Shut up!¡± both Brom and Sanon nearly shouted. Brom sighed while moving to get up and off the wagon. ¡°I¡¯ll give you two some space then. We¡¯re already too far behind schedule because of this, so I¡¯ll be back soon for us to start moving.¡±
After Brom left, we were silent for a few minutes before I found the courage to speak up. ¡°Sooo what exactly was it that I did wrong? Did I discharge?¡± I probed. Sanon held her hand flat while tilting it side to side in a ¡®so-so¡¯ motion. ¡°Ehh¡­ it¡¯s similar. The spell you cast was much too complex for you to cast it without runes.¡± ¡­ Hang on. Didn¡¯t Jasko mention something like that before? Why yes he did past me! He sure did! Sanon continued, seemingly knowledgeable on the topic. ¡°When you cast a spell, it puts strain on your body and mind. The more complex the spell, the more resources it takes before you begin to harm yourself ¡ª this is what runes are for. Their usage is twofold. The first is to take some of the strain from the caster, while the second is to make casting complex spells more convenient and safe.¡± she explained at length. ¡°So was it discharge or¡­?¡± I trailed off, still not having my original question answered. Sanon picked this up, and quickly shook her head. ¡°Not in the conventional sense, no. Discharge occurs when a caster loses control of their mana for one or more reasons. No, what happened to you is called overstress. You put far too much stress on your body to compensate for the spell, hence all the bleeding and loss of senses. Those are the symptoms you experienced, right?¡± I nodded, eyes wide in realization. ¡°Yeah¡­ I think I might have experienced this before actually¡­ it would definitely explain a lot¡­¡± Is that why my acceleration spell did that? Did I make it too complex?? Hmm¡­ this requires more testing! Sanon blinked. ¡°Just how many times has this happened to you?!¡± ¡°Oh- well I think overstress has only happened twice counting today-¡± ¡°That was two days ago. You¡¯ve been out for two days Max.¡± Sanon cut me off. Shit. ¡°Shit. Uhh haha anyways¡­ it¡¯s only happened twice so far. I think I¡¯ve discharged or depressurized at least five times since I arrived here though, maybe more.¡± I said. Sanon¡¯s translucent hairs nearly lost their color. ¡°How in the hells are you even alive? Most people would have died by now!¡± I hadn¡¯t really considered if that was the norm, so this was a slight surprise to me. ¡°Are discharges normally deadly? The mentor that I had briefly told me that the first one I had was really severe. I had assumed that less severe ones were pretty survivable.¡± I reasoned. ¡°Well, weak discharges don¡¯t normally kill, but most of the time they¡¯re pretty strong. A person¡¯s first discharge is typically weak. The ones that kill, however, are usually caused by negligence or stupidity.¡± she responded. This filled in some information about casting that I had been missing. Knowing that spell complexity had an effect on me made it all so much clearer. I mentally scolded myself for having completely forgotten what Jasko had told me. It was on the same night we prepared to fight the sandworm that he mentioned it. I had even noticed before that casting the penetration and shield spells on Stabby left me feeling less winded than if I had cast them by hand. The lower strain also explained why the two fledgelings were able to wail on the worm with their spells so easily, as fruitless as their efforts were. To be honest, I probably should have inferred this. Though I suppose that even after everything I¡¯ve been through as of writing this book, I¡¯m still not infallible. The events to come will make that very clear, dear readers.
Five days. I had been on this trip for five days, and I had already nearly died. Technically it was only two days, since it was on the second day that I had done the deed. I would say that I couldn¡¯t catch a break but let¡¯s be real here ¡ª a lot of this was my fault. Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. The biome that we were passing through had remained the same for the past two days, apparently. The trees were certainly large, similar in size to a redwood, though not quite as tall. The trees in question were very much adapted for a tropical environment, with large fanning leaves that draped down from all sides of the tree. They were similar to the trees that I had seen back in Tokal, but with a much higher density of leaves. A moss-like plant appeared to be covering both the lower parts of the trunks in addition to the ground upon which we traveled. The road we were on was less traveled, and as such had a layer of grass growing atop it where the moss hadn¡¯t reached. The most common of the trees had a number of flowers adorning them, bright reds and oranges. Their petals were speckled black, with very large, visible reproductive parts. Safe to assume that pollination is as important here as it is on Earth then. Does Helsa have a bee analog? Maybe something with those not-birds with the weird scale/hair combination I saw back in the desert? Lo and behold, just after that thought had passed, I found myself spotting all sorts of life! There were insect-like creatures that flitted about the place, though many of them were distinctly larger than their Earthly counterparts. I saw something that vaguely looked like a dragonfly if it were several magnitudes larger, with only two small reduced sets of legs and very large wings. The legs almost looked like they were vestigial, though their function was revealed to still exist when it landed near me. The chihuahua-sized creature seemed to hold its body tight to the floor of the wagon, its large compound eyes seemed to have some spark of intelligence to them, though not like a human. I would say that it felt similar to staring down a dolphin or something similar. Upon closer, yet cautious inspection so as not to be bitten, I found that it was breathing! The small insect-like creature seemed to be panting! This didn¡¯t last long though, as it quickly finished resting before taking off with a low whir. So these ones have lungs! Or at least something similar, since it was visibly breathing. I soon spotted one of the bird-like creatures that I saw in the desert, though it seemed a bit different. This one was clinging to one of the trees, stuffing its face into one of the flowers. When the head emerged, I saw that it indeed had a face full of yellow-orange pollen. The small thing seemed satisfied, or at least something close to satisfied. It made a sort of chirp as it retracted its long, slender tongue back into its¡­ snout? It began climbing around the tree in search of another flower to gorge itself upon before flying off to a different tree. The tail of the creature was long, with some flat feather-like hairs growing from the tip. The hairs of the creature were a dull brown, with green speckling the wider hairs. The creature possessed membranous wings tipped in sharp claws clearly intended for climbing, while its head was adorned with long triangular ears, not dissimilar to those of a fox. To say that I was enamored by the life here would be an understatement. It sparked an interest in a potential future project, one that as of writing I still have not finished, and likely will never finish. I¡¯m not a biologist, and to take on the task of cataloging the life of Helsa is best left to a professional. Even so, this didn¡¯t stop me from gawking at everything I saw like a small child at the zoo. My overall demeanor had not gone unnoticed either. Sanon had been staring at me the whole time, occasionally snickering to herself when I would make a noise at something new. She had stifled a laugh to keep the dragonfly thing from flying away too early while I observed it. ¡°Is something funny?¡± I asked, giving her the side eye. Sanon only snickered more upon hearing this. ¡°Yes Max. You¡¯re like a young apprentice seeing the forge for the first time.¡± I cocked my head. ¡°Uhh¡­ is it that strange? None of these creatures exist on Earth. I mean- I guess the one that landed on the wagon has something similar on Earth, but most of these creatures are completely new to me! It¡¯s a whole different world!¡± This prompted a long discussion about Earth and the life that inhabits it. Sanon was once again very eager to hear about such a topic considering that she had been rather sheltered along with the rest of her people. I tried to start at the beginning, but I quickly realized I was talking on a timescale so large that her pseudo-tribal mind could barely comprehend it ¡ª and no offense to her at all. She¡¯s plenty intelligent, but I¡¯m essentially explaining the lore of a long running book series to a person that barely knows what a book is. The foundational knowledge simply wasn¡¯t there. Realizing this after seeing her vacant stare, I opted to simply compare common animals from Earth. I started with simple things, like the fact that animals as large as sandworms simply did not exist, save for maybe the blue whale¡­ she did not know what a sandworm was. Upon learning this, I strongly considered interrogating Brom on just what he had neglected to inform her of, since the caravan had come from the south and crossed through the entire fucking desert. After enlightening her on the existence of sandworms, and subsequently calming her down after she had realized just where she had crossed through ¡ª that being sandworm territory ¡ª I had finally been able to talk about life on Earth. I once again restated that animals aren¡¯t nearly as large as the megafauna that seemed to be plentiful on Helsa, according to several of the people I¡¯d spoken with so far. I introduced her to man¡¯s best friend, which she had compared to falden ¡ª that weird dog-bird thing that Nailah had mentioned a while ago. I then gave a brief description of cats, which she had compared to the Arlynx. This confused me, since the ones we had encountered were more like wolves to me. She corrected this, stating that in her homeland, there lives a type of arlynx that is apparently very similar in behavior to cats. They like to hide in the snow and ambush prey, and some of them have been domesticated, similar to falden. The domestic ones are known to knock things off of high surfaces, so I was willing to accept the comparison. I went on to describe other species, but she eventually asked about other races aside from humans. When I mentioned that only humans called Earth home, she was quite shocked. I explained that there used to be sister species that called Earth home alongside Homo sapiens, but when I mentioned their extinctions, things became difficult. Fortunately she became more reasonable when I mentioned that these events happened well before civilization had ever formed. This brought on a whole other slew of questions that would result in me learning of the existence of a god of civilization. The headache only got worse when I explained that gods as she knew them also did not exist on Earth. By this point the conversation had turned to the topic of religion, which while not necessarily my expertise, I did possess enough understanding of it to provide a relatively unbiased opinion. Earth religion is a rather touchy subject among certain individuals as I write this though, so I am going to omit such a topic for my own safety.
Our conversation lasted well into the night when we stopped moving. We had set up camp near a river this time. It seemed to be flowing down from the nearby gentle mountain slope that the road we had been following was situated on. A number of us descended the slope to be closer to the river when we set up camp, Sanon and I included. I had brought with me Stabby and the tent that I had received in Dilanja. Best to have protection in case of any unsavory visitors. I must say, displays like what I saw at this river are quite rare on Earth. If I remember correctly, then only a certain species of plankton are able to produce such light shows. The river was lit up with a deep indigo glow that seemed to shift with the flow of the water. Particles of mana ¡ª according to Sanon ¡ª drifted up into the air from the water as they shifted in the wind. I inquired to her why it was doing that, but it was not a question she had the answer to. I approached the river to get a closer look at the water. The glow seemed to increase in intensity further up the mountain slope. Wherever this river¡¯s source was, I conjectured it must have been very rich in mana for the water itself to be glowing like this. I made sure to not disturb the water too much, for fear of making the river itself go into discharge. Whether or not that would actually happen, I did not know ¡ª but I was not keen to find out. However, my attention was quickly torn from the river when I heard a rather loud boom emanate from a distance away, back at the main river camp. I rushed back over to see what the issue was, only to find one of the caravan elves on the ground, her feathers and face scorched beyond recognition. She was still conscious it seemed, though she was almost certainly in some pretty severe shock. A Catalyst for Change ¡°What just happened?!¡± I nearly shouted in panic-laced concern. A younger member of the caravan spoke up, seemingly more annoyed than worried for the injured elf¡¯s life. ¡°Damn idiot lit a fire near a waterlogged mana source!¡± he groaned, before sighing. ¡°My Mina here¡¯s gonna have a real painful recovery if she survives this. And she had better survive damn it ¡ª I still haven¡¯t proposed!¡± Were it not for his words, I¡¯d have thought him rather cold-hearted. After he mentioned proposal though, I chalked it up to him trying to cope with the admittedly dire situation. I wonder how marriage customs work here¡­ Oh right someone¡¯s dying. Unfortunately at that time I did not possess knowledge on how to treat wounds, so I was left standing off to the side feeling real shitty while the others rushed about, looking for items to treat Mina¡¯s burns. Basic wounds and gashes were something that ¡ª like most other people ¡ª I could treat. Burns, on the other hand, were out of my depth. What little I could tell is that her nerves had probably been burned away with several layers of her skin. Her face had been severely disfigured to the point that she was barely recognizable. Third degree would likely be an apt description for the burns. A girtablilu medic of some sort from one of the head wagons had descended the slope with a pot of what looked to be some kind of gel. He took a handful of it and began smearing it on Mina¡¯s affected areas. A few minutes passed, and her erratic breathing had begun to stabilize. Soon after, she lost consciousness the man wrapped her face in cloth. An elf carried Mina back up the slope and laid her down in one of the wagons. The past 20 minutes or so had raised two major questions for me. The man that had been fretting over Mina was busy talking to the medic, so I instead questioned Sanon. ¡°Do you know what that guy meant by ¡®waterlogged mana source¡¯?¡± I asked, approaching Sanon. Sanon had once again noticed my approach almost immediately once I started moving in her direction. She responded once I got within arm¡¯s length of her. ¡°Most people wouldn¡¯t be concerned with that right now, but I guess there wasn¡¯t much for us to do. Mana sources are just¡­ areas that are really rich in mana. In the past it would have been indicative of a source of spellsilver, but most easily accessed sources in an area like this would have been stripped bare of it. The river source is probably just heavily saturated from something else in the mountain. You should never light a fire near saturated waters. The air near them tends to be very¡­ volatile.¡± Now that¡¯s interesting. I put a hand to my chin in thought. A moment later, I had a hypothesis of sorts forming in my mind. Now, I was no chemist ¡ª I¡¯m still not one now ¡ª but I had an idea of what might have caused the explosion. I put my other question on the backburner for now, as I dragged Sanon over to the river. When we arrived at the edge of the river, Sanon grabbed my shoulder. ¡°As much as I would love to see where this is going Max, I need to know what you¡¯re planning.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯m just looking for something.¡± I said as I knelt down by the riverbed. I didn¡¯t need a light, since the water was illuminated by the mana within. I observed the surface of the water until I found what I was looking for. The river was relatively calm right now ¡ª not rapids by any stretch, so finding my target didn¡¯t take long. Small bubbles. Seeing this, I snickered to myself quietly before taking a deep breath. ¡°Max no-¡± I plunged my face into the water, and let the new air bubbles clear from my face. Uncomfortable as it was, I opened my eyes. The glow of the mana made it hard to see past the surface, so getting wet was my solution. Sanon quickly began pulling back on me, so I waved my hands at her in an attempt to get her to stop. After a moment, she seemed to get the message, and by then my eyes had somewhat adjusted to the freshwater of the river. I very quickly found the culprit behind the bubbles. From the sediment of the river I saw bubbles rising, before I stuck my hand in to pull some up. As I pulled it up, bubbles continued to rise from it. I rubbed it around in my hands before I found a number of tiny blackish colored pebbles. They had an iridescent sheen to them. Unfortunately, I¡¯m not a geologist, so identifying these was beyond me. My first thought was some kind of obsidian, but this would later be found to be incorrect. There were other small bits in the sediment that also emitted bubbles, one of them was very clearly some kind of metal¡­ copper? I don¡¯t think this black one is a metal, but this other one is probably copper. Is it electrolysis? If so then where¡¯s the electric current coming from¡­ is it the mana? I brushed my now soaked hair out of my face as I presented the various pebbles to Sanon. ¡°Any idea what this stuff is?¡± Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. Sanon took my offered bounty without even looking at it. She simply stared straight at me with a very stern expression. ¡°Max, are you a burning idiot?! You could have set the whole river off!¡± ¡°I know that it was reckless, but hear me out ¡ª I had a hypothesis.¡± I said, backing up slightly. ¡°No, I will not hear you out! That could have killed you! You¡¯re lucky Brom didn¡¯t see it!¡± she admonished. ¡°I am lucky! That aside though, look at what I gave you. I think I might be on to something.¡± I said, a manic look in my eyes. Sanon looked like she was going to beat me within an inch of my life, but much to my relief, she took a deep breath before finally looking at the items I had given her. She closely examined the pile of various minerals and likely metals before sniffing them. A number of the hairs below her eyes pricked up as she examined them. ¡°Looks like you pulled up some copper, iron, and¡­ some kind of gems? Huh. I¡¯ve never seen these ones before. They¡¯re real saturated though, so be careful with them.¡± Alright time to test this. I retrieved the saturated pile of minerals and metals from Sanon before practically sprinting over to the main camp. She followed behind at a slower pace, confused at my sudden burst of speed. I quickly found a half-full canteen that someone had left unattended and uncorked it. I started by placing the copper into it. ¡­ And just as I suspected, I got bubbles of some kind of gas. I grabbed a stick and set it ablaze using a nearby lantern. Sanon had been watching me the whole time, gazing intently at the canteen. When I lowered the burning stick just above the water in the canteen, the intensity of the fire increased by multiple magnitudes ¡ª electrolysis. Or is it. This is probably just a similar phenomenon brought about by however it is that mana works. Either way, this proves that mana either passively produces an electric charge¡­ OR mana itself behaves very similarly to electricity. Now THIS has potential. I mean¡­ no matter the truth here, I¡¯m essentially a living battery. ¡­ ¡°I fucking KNEW IT!!!¡± I shouted, startling Sanon and a few others nearby. ¡°Sanon! Do you know what this means?!¡± She shook her head, though her smirk was evident. ¡°ELECTROLYSIS¡­ or something similar. Either way, I have PLANS now. Plans for later, actually, but plans nonetheless.¡± I rambled as I found another canteen and put the gem into it. This one did not produce bubbles, which raised more questions. Does the type of material that¡¯s been saturated change the reaction? Hmm¡­ I was brought out of my thoughts when Sanon tapped my shoulder. ¡°What is electrolysis?¡± And for the record, readers, Sanon did ask this. I¡¯m sure all of you know what electrolysis is. Anyway, time to explain electrolysis! ¡°Oh- yeah I suppose that might be good to explain¡­ or at least try to. So basically, you remember how I said that water is made of two explosive gases? Well electrolysis is the process of separating water into those two gases with electricity. Or I guess mana in this case¡­¡± I explained as simply as I could. Sanon had closed her eyes in thought. ¡°Okay¡­ is it that groundbreaking? It happens all the time in some lakes and parts of the ocean, or so I¡¯ve heard.¡± It hadn¡¯t necessarily been the reaction I was looking for, but I did learn something of note: electrolysis occurs naturally. That might explain the abundance of hydrogen in the atmosphere¡­ I shook my head. ¡°Not really. Even on Earth it isn¡¯t all that groundbreaking. It might have been at one point, like when we first discovered it, but that¡¯s probably it. Though it definitely doesn¡¯t occur on a scale like this in nature.¡± Sanon seemed to be mulling something over before she gasped. ¡°Wait, so you guys definitely don¡¯t get firestorms then, do you?¡± UHHH. COME AGAIN?? ¡°You uh¡­ you wanna repeat that?¡± ¡°You guys don¡¯t get firestorms?¡± ¡°You wanna explain just what a fucking firestorm is?¡± It was self-explanatory. A literal storm of fire¡­ kinda. Apparently they¡¯re more common during the wet season, and most species of trees cast protection spells or have some kind of fire resistance. Animals normally just hide. And no, before you wonder, I have absolutely no fucking clue how plants cast spells. I saw it in person for the first time like a month ago as of writing this, and it was just bizarre. ¡°No Sanon, we do not have firestorms¡­ wait, you only just found out about electrolysis, how could you have known that it could cause that?¡± I asked, more confused than anything. Sanon seemed confused for a moment, but realized what I meant. ¡°Oh! Most people know that waterlogged mana sources have an influence on firestorms, so large cities try to deplete or remove the ones that are really close by. My home did, but we lost a lot of people when the source discharged. Most places don¡¯t bother with them past a certain distance.¡± Surely they don¡¯t have meteorology yet¡­ unless magic makes it easier? Gonna have to ask about that later too.
We settled in for the night about an hour later, after the chaos from Mina¡¯s little accident had finally passed. I noticed something begin to stir in the sky. It didn¡¯t take too terribly long, perhaps 20 or so minutes. Slowly, but surely, lights began to appear in the night sky. Is that an aurora? The lights were bright, so very bright. Helsa either has a weak magnetic field, or that was one hell of a solar storm. It only took me a moment to realize something. Hold on. I¡¯m near the equator, so why am I seeing an aurora? These questions would soon be answered, though not by who I would have expected. However, before that, slumber would take me first. Comically Large Sword Ever been to space? No? Well same here ¡ª I have never been to space. But man, that dream was probably as close to it as I would ever get. Well, except for that one time, but that¡¯s a story for another time. I opened my eyes to find myself floating aimlessly amongst the dust and debris of a nebula. The eminent glow of the stellar corpse was awe-inspiring, the frigid yet blazing light making for quite the ambience. The dust and glow extended infinitely in all directions as I looked around. And speaking of temperature ¡ª I actually felt kinda warm. The overall feeling of it was rather balmy, like I had been floating not in space, but in the warm aftermath of creation itself. It was a strange feeling. I could feel the temperature, but waving my hands around yielded no resistance, as though there were no atmosphere to provide such a sensation. And yet at the same time, I could feel the air rush into my lungs with every breath I took. ¡°You seem confused. Would I be correct in assuming that you would like an explanation, Maximillian?¡± a disembodied voice rang out, seemingly from everywhere at once. ¡°Yeah one of those would be nice. Could I maybe get some fries with that too?¡± I sneered. The voice paused a moment. ¡°I can do that.¡± And just as I was about to voice my confusion, an open carton of fries appeared just to my left. A wise guy eh? I suppose I did start it. I reached out and grabbed the fries, unwittingly sending myself into a spin ¡ª the lack of air resistance immediately became troublesome as I had no easy way to correct the spin. Why I only then started spinning was beyond me. ¡°Ah shit.¡± I sighed. ¡°This a dream? You fuckin¡¯ with my dreams or something?¡± I said, munching on one of the fries. They were frozen. The as-of-yet unknown entity materialized near me without much fanfare, almost like an NPC spawning in. His likeness was that of a young boy, not a year older than thirteen. His head sported a brunette bowl cut framing his face with a pair of rectangle-framed glasses. He wore a gray dress shirt under a blue sweater vest. ¡°I am the God of Technology ¡ª the Goddess of Jokes tipped me off on your existence, said you were of interest to me.¡± Ah shit not another one. Could be worse though. Maybe this one is less¡­ antagonistic? I took another fry out of the carton, losing some in the process. ¡°Sooo¡­ not a dream god then?¡± The outwardly youthful god shook his head. ¡°No, but now that you mention it, I really should cover up my tracks here.¡± Oh? I raised a brow. ¡°And what does that mean, exactly?¡± The god crossed his arms. ¡°Allow me to pose you a question first. You are an outworlder, that much is clear ¡ª humans are not native to Helsa. With that in mind, I was told you possessed items and knowledge that would be of interest to a being as sophisticated as myself. Is this true?¡± Hmm. He seems a bit more tolerable than the comedy one, but that line of questioning is sketchy. Mr. Technology caught on rather quickly to my hesitation. ¡°Worry not, no harm will come to you ¡ª even the arbitrary kind. I am not Jokes. In fact, I apologize on her behalf ¡ª I too have grown weary of her antics.¡± I take another fry and flick it at the god. ¡°Alright then, if you want to know, then¡­ maybe? I dunno man ¡ª you just said you¡¯re the god of technology. Humans on Earth are plenty advanced, but isn¡¯t that like¡­ your thing?¡± It must have been something I said, because he seemed visibly irritated by my answer, though it wasn¡¯t long before he composed himself. ¡°It¡¯s my domain. There¡¯s a difference. Gods have domains, and we are not the be-all end-all of our domains. I represent technology, and have some influence over it. I don¡¯t know all there is to know about technology ¡ª that would be absurd.¡± Ohhh okay. That¡¯s¡­ interesting. Technology cleared his throat. ¡°Interesting indeed. I¡¯ll allow you to come to your own conclusions, but my point is that I am cut off from your knowledge and experiences. I only know what exists here on Helsa.¡± I locked eyes with him, narrowing mine. My spin made this a challenge, so the impact was probably lost. ¡°Did you just read my mind?¡± ¡°No. I simply listened in on your thoughts.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that the same thing??¡± Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. ¡°Your internal monologue is separate, and easy to access.¡± the god smirked. By this point I had been spinning long enough to become nauseous, however that works in a dream. ¡°Alright listen, before I tell you anything then, could you give me some air resistance or something?? This spin is making me sick.¡± And just like that, I felt a pressure on my body as my spin slowly came to a halt. The new air was somewhat cold, though not unbearable. ¡°...you did that, right?¡± The god shook his head. ¡°This is your dream. You could have done that from the start, the fries too. Oh and might I ask you to make haste with your response to my initial question? I do not have much time here. Proper discourse will be easier at a later time.¡± ¡°Oh- alright. Uhh I guess from what I¡¯ve seen so far, Earth is probably several magnitudes more advanced. Like this phone!¡± I pulled out a dream phone. ¡°It can take notes like a book, transmit my voice over long distances, record accurate pictures of the world, and all kinds of other stuff!¡± I explained. Technology pondered for a moment, before regarding me with a subtly deranged expression. ¡°Would you be willing to demonstrate?¡± I attempted to turn on the dream phone, only for it to cease to exist. ¡°...huh. Uh, sorry ¨C I don¡¯t think I can do that in the dream. Maybe too complex?¡± Technology shrugged. ¡°Dreams can be strange, and are often arbitrary. I think I have enough information here, so I think we¡¯re done for now. I¡¯ll be keeping an eye on you.¡± Immediately after he finished speaking, his form blinked out of existence, and the dream came to an end as I felt myself disintegrate at the atomic level. Oh what the f-
I woke up in a cold sweat, shooting up from my resting position. It seemed that I had overslept, since people had already been packing up the camp and had begun returning to the wagons. Very soon after my sudden awakening, Sanon opened the door to my tent. ¡°Wake up Max it¡¯s time to¡­ uhh. Max, are you okay? You look terrible!¡± ¡°I never thought I would find out what being snapped felt like¡­¡± I muttered. Sanon cocked her head. ¡°Snapped? Was it a bad dream then?¡± ¡°Yeah¡­ you could say that.¡± I chuckled. ¡°Are we heading back then? Hittin¡¯ the road?¡± She nodded. ¡°Yes. Be quick too, you¡¯re late.¡± I saluted her. ¡°You got it boss.¡± I said in an exaggerated Boston accent.
It would be two more weeks before we would stop at our first town, that being Nauphi. The leader of the caravan addressed us all once we stopped outside the town. ¡°We will only be here for a day, so you¡¯d all best stock up on anything you happen to need, and enjoy the downtime. We will reconvene at sunrise tomorrow!¡± And with that, the caravan dispersed into the town. Nauphi was similar in style to Tokal, though the dominant style of building had shifted toward the brick variety. The size of the town was easily triple that of Tokal though, so there was plenty to explore. Sanon and I had decided to do our exploration together. Of the two of us, she was the only one that had any money, so we decided to be light on our purchases, save for maybe some amenities. The caravan had plenty of rations, and hunting for food was almost always an option. Over the previous two weeks of travel, I had managed to spear a large fish-like creature out of a distinctly non-saturated river. It was large, covered in thick scutes like a sturgeon on Earth, and had four flippers in addition to a pair of pelvic fins and a dorsal fin. The tail tapered off at a point without fins, not unlike a plesiosaur. The head sported internal gills that it had expelled out its body in a sort of threat display after my first stab had failed to kill it. In that state, it looked almost like an axolotl with down syndrome. It tasted very similar to the fish of Earth, albeit with a distinctly nutty taste. I had also managed to catch and kill a large crustacean-like creature of some kind. Brom had said they were edible, but that preparing them was often a bit of a chore. The creature was actually similar to a crab, which ended up dragging up some old knowledge about carcinization. Which is to say, eventually all will become crab. Or in this case a large terrestrial crab that primarily dines on flora. The armor was tough, but it didn¡¯t really expect me to unload Stabby¡¯s penetration spell directly into it point blank. Suffice to say, it made for a fantastic soup after we figured out how much of the meat hadn¡¯t been ruined by the internal organs that had been shredded by the spell. Anyway, back on the topic of the town. Sanon and I had made the executive decision to share some of her limited funds with me. Why she did this, I do not know even to this day. We made our way to every smithy in the town in a half-assed attempt to find spellsilver. No dice. We did find a pretty nice spell scroll though. It had some kind of fancy spell for shaping heated metals. Sanon took quite a bit of interest, though unfortunately it was well out of our combined price range. Another few hours later, we made our way to the central square of the town. There stood a very ornate fountain spewing water beneath a rather imperious bronze statue. It depicted an elven warrior of some kind wielding a large sword, a blade wide as an old oak tree. It was honestly kind of comical, but knowing this world, comically large swords might be possible with magic. As of writing, I¡¯ve seen these swords in action a few times, but to be completely honest, I¡¯m still baffled by the fact that anyone considers them practical. The way they¡¯re used reminded me of a certain game about hunting monsters back on Earth. Comical indeed. I looked to Sanon, who had been gazing longingly at the sword. ¡°Got any idea who this guy is?¡± I asked. ¡°Not a clue. Some kind of war hero perhaps?¡± she pondered before approaching the statue. I followed behind her. ¡°Something special about the sword?¡± ¡°Not inherently, but they¡¯re pretty rare to be seen in use. I¡¯m not an expert, but growing up in a forge teaches you things. People that use greatblades are an eccentric bunch. They¡¯re normally forged with spellsilver and then filled to the brim with enchantments and various other spells. And because of that, they¡¯re exceptionally rare.¡± she said as she brought her hand up to the sword. Sanon and I both heard an offended, snooty gasp from behind us. We turned around to see an elven man with brilliant azure feathers briskly walk up to us. He slapped Sanon¡¯s hand away from the statue. ¡°And just what do you think you¡¯re doing laying hands on my dear uncle¡¯s statue?!¡± Hindenburg2 Before I had a chance to respond to the elf, Sanon did so first. She quickly backed up, a defensive expression crossing her face with every hair on her body standing on end, giving her the appearance of a pine cone. Brom sure wasn¡¯t kidding when he said dwarves didn¡¯t like being touched. Sanon looked as though she might tear this guy a new one, so I opted to step in and attempt to de-escalate the situation, or at least get the guy to buzz off. ¡°Woah hey man that wasn¡¯t necessary. Why don¡¯t we be civil about this.¡± I said, taking a step forward. The man placed a hand to his chest in a superfluously haughty expression, gasping once again before beginning a long rant. ¡°Be CIVIL?! After this dwarf so callously touched the statue of my uncle?! Absolutely not! I, the lord of this town, shall NOT allow such blatant disrespect!¡± he ranted on. During his tirade, I inched closer to Sanon before grabbing her arm with the intent of getting the hell out of there. This proved to be a mistake as Sanon began batting at me like a pissed off cat. Nevertheless I continued my efforts, quickly dragging the two of us away while the alleged lord was distracted listening to his own voice. ¡°Come on Sanon, let¡¯s get out of here!¡± I whispered to her. Her strikes softened at this, and she nodded. Though I will clarify that she did not stop hitting me until I had let go of her partway through our escape. Apparently, the repeated hitting is something of a reflex. Sanon of course had words for me about the incident, and so she tore into me in the alleyway we had chosen as our haven away from the elf. ¡°That was really stupid Max! I was already wound up when he slapped me. I understand that you only wanted to get us away from that guy, but if I hadn¡¯t known it was you, I could have really done some damage!¡± I had realized the error of my means the moment I made the decision, but in the moment I had tagged it as necessary. That doesn¡¯t mean I held no remorse or guilt. ¡°Yeah¡­ I know.¡± Sanon did a single, fierce nod. ¡°Good! Next time, a bit of forewarning would be nice. I won¡¯t hold it against you, so let¡¯s just move on. We should probably avoid that part of the town, especially if that really was the lord. Let¡¯s go find something to eat.¡±
And eat we did! There were a number of options for food, but the most appealing to us was one that seemed to be advertising ¡®human cuisine¡¯. Now this I had to see, especially since it proved that my fellow outworlders had been doing at least some kind of advancements, even if they were only culinary. ¡­ To say I was disappointed would be a massive understatement. I was simply furious. These¡­ posers seemed to have heard about the recipe from a human they had met in Elion, and tried to copy it! I respect the attempt, but it was just so bad. Sanon seemed to like it enough though, so there was at least that. We had ordered a classic ¡ª pizza. And if there were one food that I would have to correct, it would be that. I don¡¯t know what it was they used for dough, but it came out all crumbly, yet somehow tough. The sauce was way too sweet, even for normal pizza sauce. And even though I know that sweet sauces are used on some pizzas, I had a pretty strong feeling that it was intended as a tomato sauce substitute. The toppings were tolerable, but I couldn¡¯t really identify anything. It had a variety of vegetables and meats, and the combination resulted in a savory and tangy taste, which actually complemented the sauce quite well! I had been harsh on it at the time, but really the only part that needed major correcting was the dough. If Helsa didn¡¯t have flour, then that may be cause for concern, especially since I hadn¡¯t really seen any bread in the shops. If I had to rate the pizza, then the overall flavor was at least a 7/10, but the crust definitely left something to be desired. Even so, I still expressed my discontent to Sanon regarding the crust. ¡°Is it really that bad?¡± Sanon cocked her head. ¡°I mean- not really, but the crust really needs work. Does Helsa have like¡­ wheat¡­ or maybe barley?¡± I asked. Sanon¡¯s expression became confused. ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of either of those things. Are they from Earth?¡± ¡°Yeah. They can be ground into a dust that when mixed with water, among other things, can be baked into bread.¡± Her eyes lit up. ¡°Oh we have bread! It¡¯s like the crust of this ¡®pizza¡¯ stuff!¡± ¡­ ¡°I¡¯m almost afraid to ask, but how do you make it?¡± ¡°There¡¯s this tree that we dig up the roots of. We crush them and then mix water into the powder. And after it dries we eat it!¡± That is not bread. I¡¯m not a bread guy, but I¡¯m also not stupid. That is not fucking bread. Fortunately, Sanon wasn¡¯t finished talking. ¡°I¡¯ve heard that some people bake it though! I think I tried it once back when I was¡­ 42? Yeah! It was kinda fluffy, but I don¡¯t think the cooks here did theirs like that¡­¡± That would definitely explain a lot¡­
When we left the restaurant where we had bought the pizza, we explored the town more, keeping a keen eye out for any people that looked like they might be authority figures. Pissing off the lord was probably a bad move on our part, so we did our best to appear as inconspicuous as possible. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. ¡­ Unfortunately, a human and a dwarf walking around was quite a rare sight, since dwarves are hardly ever seen outside of the south, and humans are just plain rare. It didn¡¯t take long for an elven guardsman near the town gates to spot us and chase us down when we passed by. ¡°Stop right there!¡± No criminal scum? ¡°The two of you match the description of the people that Lord Oresco found tampering with the statue of the late general Poporeo. You¡¯ll be coming with me now.¡± said the guard said, grabbing the both of us. This of course set Sanon right off.
Dear readers, the following events are what I would describe as a monumental dumpster fire. That Murphy asshole and his law are now at the top of my shitlist. To say that our previously nonexistent reputation in that town is ruined, would be an understatement so massive that Japan would let that one youtuber guy back in out of respect for our reputation-ruining skills. The guard grabbed the two of us, which prompted Sanon to reflexively beat the living shit out of him. He then drew a shortsword on her, which prompted me to bust out Stabby. Instead of living up to its namesake though, I chose to put an assload of mana into its shield spell and blasted the guard¡¯s sorry ass all the way back to the Lontish Civil War. The guard, after getting up off his ass, then started blowing a whistle and calling for help. This of course resulted in a small battalion of soldiers in plate armor to show up in response. I found out that there was at least one magus among them when I noticed an invisible force tear into the ground, narrowly missing me. I decided that I may have been in over my head here, so instead of holding my ground and fighting off an entire division of soldiers like the overpowered isekai protag that I am, we fucking booked it.
We found another alleyway to hide in while the soldiers searched. Most people might consider this a pretty dire situation, but if any of you remember the feathery coat I got in Tokal, then you¡¯ll know what happens next! ¡°Sanon, get in the coat.¡± ¡°What?! No!¡± ¡°Sanon I need you to get in the coat.¡± ¡°Why?!¡± Wearing the hooded trench coat, I passed mana into it. From her perspective, I ceased to exist. ¡°Get in the coat.¡± ¡°Fiiiineee.¡± Sanon (1) added to inventory! Sanon is around 4¡¯3¡±, so she fit inside my coat with me relatively easily with me being around 5¡¯8¡±. The hard part was lifting her. I could not. So instead we awkwardly shuffled out into the light, which immediately proved to be a blunder. I had forgotten that sudden changes in light can make the camouflage properties of the feathers go haywire, and so we nearly toppled over when the coat decided to turn us into a goddamn neon sign. Fortunately it didn¡¯t take long for it to settle back into normal camouflage, so we continued on, slowly. We kept out of any areas with major changes in light level, such as shadows. Hiding out in the open was definitely nerve-wracking. Making our way back to the caravan wagons like this would be an ordeal. We passed by a couple of soldiers that were discussing as they searched. One of them appeared to be a heavily armored spearwoman, while the other was a much more lightly armored magus. The armored one appeared to be scolding the magus. ¡°You daft idiot! We weren¡¯t ordered to kill! We were only to detain him so the Lord could question them personally!¡± she said, staring down at the young magus, arms crossed. ¡°Yeah well the Lord would have just ordered them dead anyway, or he would have just whipped them till they bled out. You know how he is! It would have been a mercy!¡± the magus protested. As enamored as I was by listening in to enemy chatter like some kind of stealth game protagonist, I wasn¡¯t too keen on remaining in one place for too long. Sanon was already uncomfortable being in such close quarters with me, so I made sure to be as quick as possible. A number of minutes later that I cannot give an exact count of, we had once again made our way to the main gate, which had been swarmed with soldiers. This presented a problem, because that was the only way out of the town, and if we wanted to get back to the caravan, we would have to either go through the gate, or over it. ¡°Any chance you can dig us a hole under that wall?¡± ¡°Why would I be able to do that??¡± So no diggy diggy hole then¡­ ¡°Alright, got any ideas then? We need to get through the gate.¡± Sanon shifted in the coat, and looked up at me from within its confines. ¡°Not a clue. I can¡¯t see.¡± ¡°Well, there are guards arranged in a semicircle in front of the gate, not to mention that it¡¯s closed. Think we could go over it?¡± ¡°And risk you getting hurt and me getting cut? Absolutely not.¡± Out of ideas, we stayed in place for a while before an idea hit me. ¡°Hear me out Sanon.¡± ¡°Max, I don¡¯t like that tone of voice. What are you planning this time?¡± Kaboom. ¡°Kaboom.¡± ¡°...I¡¯m listening.¡± ¡°Ok so basically I¡¯m gonna do the water thing but right behind their little semicircle. Gonna put a shitload of mana into it. Kaboom. Then we make our getaway.¡± ¡°Max, no. You¡¯re insane.¡± ¡°Max, yes. I¡¯m a genius, thank you.¡±
The stunt that I pulled in the following moments reminded me of the actions of a certain eyepatch-wearing arch-wizard from a certain anime series back on Earth. The ensuing destruction is something that I would come to regret, though. I harnessed a veritable boatload of mana from within myself. I could feel my insides decompressing as I put forth the spell that wouldn¡¯t be heard around the world. No, it would only be heard for a radius of a few miles. Even so, the damage was sizeable. ¡°Bond hydrogen and oxygen near the gate I am looking at.¡± It started as a few small popping noises, like the time when I nearly blew myself up. And like that time, it quickly progressed into a full blown explosion. The soldiers caught on to what was happening all too late, and the ensuing explosion sent a number of them flying, while a few others instead chose to ground themselves in a pose not dissimilar to what people do during a tornado drill. It was loud. God was it loud. The explosion temporarily blinded me too, but when I got my vision back, the gate had been obliterated, with a section of the wall around the blast crumbling. A nearby check-in station had been blown away by the blast too. Unfortunately, I had also expended a wee bit too much mana, resulting in me collapsing onto the ground, Sanon struggling to free herself of the coat. ¡°You got this Sanon. Now¡¯s your time to shine. Get us the hell outta here¡­¡± I said before passing out from the decompression. ¡°Oh burnin¡¯ hells Max!¡± Collateral Damage I know I said the joke had gotten old before, but this time it really was kinda stale. At least I got to do that cool thing that protagonists do when they let a side character shine. Speaking of, you might be asking ¡®But Max! Where is this side character?!¡¯ To which I would say ¡®How DARE you! Sanon is a dear friend and not just some character!¡¯ Anyway, I woke up in some kind of holding cell a l¨¤ dungeon. It was really cold and the floor and walls were made of just what you would expect ¡ª stone. There was a bed in one corner, and a chair and table in the other, with some kind of dim lights illuminating the cell and other visible areas of the dungeon. It really was just your bog-standard dungeon holding cell ¡ª four walls, a ceiling and a floor. Oh and I guess it¡¯s also important to mention that one of the walls was just gone. It was just¡­ open. Like, no wall or anything. I could walk right out. Before that, though, I checked my inventory. Weirdly enough, they let me keep all of my possessions, those being Stabby and my coat. Everything else was back at the caravan, so I didn¡¯t have much to have stolen outside of a highly valuable invisibility trench coat that everyone and their brother would want. Turning my attention back to the lack of an attempt to keep me in the cell or restrain really me at all, I decided that the best course of action would be to walk right through! And as I¡¯m sure you readers can predict, there was indeed a way to keep me in! Ever walked face-first into an unexpected wall? Yeah. I should have expected that people would use magic in a scenario like this, but can you blame me? I hadn¡¯t seen much magic used outside of the occasional utility and maybe like a party trick. I came to the conclusion that proper magical implements must be rare and/or expensive. Dilanja only had a couple of branded spears, and most people can¡¯t cast while under stress. The logistical and economical issues of magic aside, that fucking hurt. The wall was something I recognized. It was a shield spell, and not just any old shield spell either. No, this was a hard shield, as opposed to a soft one. That meant that whatever was powering it must¡¯ve had a ton of mana to throw around, since there clearly wouldn¡¯t be a person powering it. If it were a soft shield, I could just overwhelm it with enough speed, as painful as it may have been. I tested the waters with Stabby by giving the spelled wall a good stab, which did nothing except maybe dull the blade. I tried letting loose a penetration, which caused the luminescent wall to flash, but ultimately nothing came of it. Taking a breath, I ran my hand over the surface of the wall ¡ª which illuminated as my hand contacted it. It felt like nothing, and yet my hand was stopped from passing through. What about the other walls, then? Or the floor? I channeled a small amount of mana into Stabby¡¯s penetration spell, only for the spell to be completely nullified by a dull green glow that had begun emanating from the impact point of the spell. Absorbed or deflected, I didn¡¯t know. But these spells were very clearly different from other wall¡¯s shield spell. Before long, I heard the shifting of clothing and steps being taken from somewhere outside my cell. A few moments passed, and I heard a voice. ¡°Max? Are you in here? The Lord¡¯s soldiers captured us¡­ I couldn¡¯t get us away in time¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± Sanon must have been in the cell next to me. Ah okay. Note to self: Don¡¯t pass out next time. I leaned against the wall. ¡°Well shit¡­ this could be better, but at least we aren¡¯t dead. Not gonna scold me though?¡± ¡°That¡¯s the last thing we should be worrying about¡­ the Lord is probably having us executed.¡± Sanon said, dejected. Your honor I would like to retract my previous statement. I put my foot down in a defiant stomp. ¡°Nuh uh! Sanon, we¡¯re busting out!¡± I heard a somewhat annoyed sigh come from the other cell. ¡°This is a hard shield ¡ª it isn¡¯t just going to break. And the walls in here are spell resistant, so they¡¯ll just absorb any spells you cast. Not to mention that the cells have a reinforcement spell. How do you expect to break us out?¡± ¡°Well you see, Sanon, I have a plan! You could even call it the greatest plan!¡± I heard an annoyed sigh from the other cell. ¡°Oh for the love of the forge¡­¡± There was a moment of silence before Sanon spoke again. ¡°Alright fine. Whatever you¡¯ve got planned in that head of yours is probably better than what Oresco¡¯s planning, so have fun I guess.
With Sanon¡¯s approval (optional), I got to work! And by work I mean stabbing the cracks in the floor and walls for any kind of instability. To be honest, this wasn¡¯t my greatest moment ¡ª I never was good at escape rooms. Nevertheless, I continued failing perception checks until I had a thought. ¡°Hey- Sanon?¡± ¡°Yes Max?¡± came a voice most disappointed in my machinations. ¡°You said you knew about the other spells in the room aside from the wall shield ¡ª how did you know they were there? Did you try to cast on them? I couldn¡¯t even tell there was a shield spell until I walked into it face-first.¡± ¡°Mm, dwarves can sense mana. The hairs under our eyes prick up in response to mana and spellcasting. It¡¯s a common misconception that we can only sense mana though. I¡¯m actually quite good at spell detection. Why do you ask?¡± ¡°Oh just¡­ curious. Say, is there any chance that you could check for like¡­ a hole or weak point in one of the spells? Any chance you can see past them?¡± I probed. ¡°I mean- there is a rune circuit connection point under the floor in my cell. But I don¡¯t see how that helps us ¡ª any magus worth their salt would have a failsafe there to prevent tampering.¡± she explained. ¡°I think I have an idea of what a rune circuit entails, but could you maybe enlighten me?¡± I heard a sigh. ¡°Rune circuits are how mana is fed into complex spells or networks of spells, especially lots of them at once. They¡¯re normally made from materials that you can get from animals ¡ª they tend to hold mana better.¡± Jasko mentioned something like that too I think. ¡°So would this connection point you mention normally be exposed? Could I push mana into the circuit through it?¡± I asked, the aforementioned greatest plan still forming in my mind. ¡°Hypothetically you could, yeah I guess. It would overload the circuit. Like I said before though, they normally have some kind of anti-tamper failsafe.¡± Not a guarantee, but it¡¯s worth a shot. There might be one in my cell¡­ and if so, then I just have to find it. ¡°Let¡¯s say I wanted to find this connection point you mentioned ¡ª how would I go about doing that?¡± I connived. ¡°If you were a dwarf, I would say to use your mana-sense, but you aren¡¯t a dwarf. I guess you could try passing mana through different parts of the floor until you stop feeling resistance, which would mean you found it. BUT, if it has a failsafe ¡ª which it will ¡ª then you¡¯ll regret finding it. Logic tells me that it would be in the back left corner of your cell, like mine. But if you don¡¯t find it there, then you¡¯ll probably have to check each tile. Individually.¡± ¡­ Have you ever been in like¡­ a doctor¡¯s office with your parents when you were a kid, and you were bored ¡ª so you ended up counting the tiles on the wall or maybe the floor? That is what this process felt like. It was mind-numbingly long. Tile after tile after tile, nothing. Nothing but grinding resistance from the stone as I pushed mana into it, hoping for something. I had already checked every corner too. I guess the designers were too good for standardization. The seemingly endless tedium was made significantly less tedious when a noise broke the silence that had descended over us. Sanon was the first to notice it, warning me. ¡°Hey- hey! Max! I think someone¡¯s coming!¡± And like clockwork, a few moments later, I heard a number of armored footsteps approaching at what sounded like a relatively relaxed pace. I scrambled to get up off the floor, taking note of where I had been before, so I could hopefully continue at a later time. Hopefully this wouldn¡¯t be my only chance. And like clockwork, Oresco, escorted by three soldiers, entered into view. The lord sported a set of feathers azure with black highlights. His features were admittedly graceful, though I could see a familiar predatory hunger in his gaze, and air of arrogance immersing his being. Upon noticing me, the lord¡¯s face lit up like a child receiving a new toy. ¡°Oh it is such a pleasure to finally speak with the two of you in a more¡­ controlled environment. You know, you would have gotten off with a warning if you hadn¡¯t run away from me. I was having a bad day you see, so I was a bit flustered.¡± This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. His mouth twisted into a sinister smile. ¡°But instead, you ran away. And then to make things so much more interesting, you blew up my gods damned wall and killed several of my soldiers doing so. Of course, this is all only made worse by the fact that you brought a dwarf into my lands. I thought they had stayed in the south after the Lontish had driven their ilk out! But no! You went ahead and brought this filth here.¡± he spat. I refrained from responding a moment, choosing my words carefully. ¡°So what now then? Are you going to punish us? Kill us?¡± I asked, somewhat sardonically. Oresco chuckled, his pompous attitude only making it more infuriating. ¡°I agree, punishments are in order. But FIRST! I simply must know, why are you even here? You¡¯re an outworlder are you not? Shouldn¡¯t you be over in Elion ruining my kin? Shouldn¡¯t you be spreading your infuriating ideals in the places that matter?¡± Take a deep breath Max, it¡¯s fine. He¡¯s just a rich asshole. Just humor him. ¡°What do you mean? What ideals??¡± If they¡¯re an absolute monarchy of any kind, then I¡¯d be willing to bet that they¡¯re trying to get some kind of bill of rights established. Oresco scoffed. ¡°The ideals stating that commoners should govern themselves! Such idiocy! My family has been given power ordained by the gods! And now they talk of conceding some of their gods-given power to mere commoners! It¡¯s despicable!¡± Alright yeah sounds like a classic bill of rights scenario. Sanon spoke up upon hearing this information. ¡°Hang on- you can¡¯t just say that! We might not have had the best relations with them, but after the revolution the Lontish-¡± Oresco cut her off, speaking with a toxic, razor sharp cadence. ¡°Silence, dwarf. You are only to speak when spoken to.¡± The last straw. That¡¯s what it was. ¡°Hey Mr. Lord you might wanna show Sanon some fucking respect.¡± ¡°Oh? And why would I ever follow advice such as that?¡± he sneered. ¡°Because if you don¡¯t then you¡¯ll get to learn about one of us outworlders¡¯ favorite ideals the hard way. So why don¡¯t you go ahead and do whatever it is you fine-feathered fascists do elsewhere.¡± I threatened. ¡°Hmm¡­ I¡¯m not really sure you¡¯re in a position to be making demands, especially comparing me to those despotic Occlians. But alas! I must be going, for I have some important matters to be tending to. Farewell!¡± he announced, turning on his heel and briskly making his exit. ¡­ ¡°Are you alright Sanon?¡± ¡°Yeah. I suppose I should have expected to see some people that still hold on to those old prejudices.¡± ¡°Well don¡¯t worry, the next time we see him, I¡¯ll be kicking his teeth in.¡±
Shortly after our little confrontation with the lord, I returned to work finding the connection point. The cell itself wasn¡¯t actually very small, something that Sanon had said was rather odd, since the spells they were running would have required a massive amount of mana to upkeep. She said that every magical implement she could sense was hooked up to the same circuit network as the cells, so whatever they were using to store mana must have been positively massive. ¡°They might be using some kind of animal for it, but there aren¡¯t many that would be easy to use for it. A kvanlos or duhen argen would work, but their temperament would make them next to impossible to capture without killing them.¡± Ah right, the elusive dragon thing that I still haven¡¯t seen yet. I can understand why they wouldn¡¯t want to screw with something like that. Maybe a sandworm? Those only live in the desert though, and I imagine that capturing one alive would be a challenge for similar reasons. Kneeling on the cold floor just pushing mana around was getting tiring. My knees hurt from the hard surface of the stone tiles, and the constant exertion from channeling wasn¡¯t making it any better. I had checked the majority of the tiles in the room by now, and I only had about ten more to check before I would have to give up, or start checking the walls in desperation. Fortunately, or unfortunately if you factor in what I was about to go through, I did end up finding the connection point. Bingo! Found it! ¡°Alright Sanon! I found it. I think it¡¯s time to blow this popci-aaAAaaAAAAHHGHH!!!¡± I cut myself off as a sudden pain started traveling up my arms. I heard Sanon chuckle from the other cell. ¡°Ah there it is. Some kind of pain spell? I¡¯d advise you quit, it¡¯ll only get more intense if you keep going.¡± I mustered up as much willpower as I could, putting it all into my channeling. I wrangled as much of my internal mana as I could without feeling any kind of depressurization, and sent it. The pain jumped up several degrees, like my skin, muscles, bones, and everything else were all being shredded, put back together, and shredded all over again at the same time. The pain was somehow dull, yet sharp as a razor. Eventually a burning sensation was added to the menagerie of pain, and soon after that, a cold freezing sensation. The pain didn¡¯t last forever though. Black scorch marks appeared on my arms as though they had just been struck by lightning, and the pain suddenly stopped. I kept channeling, the mana now flowing through me, through the stone, and into the connection point smooth as butter. What felt like an inordinate amount of time passed, but just before I felt that signature sensation of depressurizing, every light in the dungeon went out, and the shield spells keeping us in flashed briefly before shattering into motes of light. I had done it. And fortunately I had not sacrificed my sense of touch for it as I had feared. Sanon¡¯s voice called out. ¡°Woah! I think you did it Max!¡± And as soon as I heard her voice, did I hear a low rumble emanate from deep below. It turned into quick, staccato booms, then stopped. Not long after, the rumbling returned in force, now sounding more like a tremor. Consistent. Constant. Determined. Hungry. Angry. I understood not how I derived such emotions from a rumbling sensation, but I had. I didn¡¯t want to stick around to find out why I had either, so I made way for the exit to the cell¡­ only to stop dead in my tracks as something burst through the wall of my cell. It was Sanon, who then rushed over to me, grabbed me, and threw me over her shoulder. ¡°Sanon put me down! I can run!¡± I protested, feeling somewhat emasculated. ¡°Not happening! We¡¯re getting out of here now, and fast!¡± she said as we left the cells, running through the now dark dungeon halls. Sanon had much worse vision than me though, so she put me down after she bumped into walls full-speed a couple of times. She grabbed my arm and I guided us to a set of stairs. I very quickly noticed something was off. The tremors stopped, only briefly, before starting up again. They continued in an irregular pattern of starting and stopping, the occasional heavy thump being felt through the ground. But that isn¡¯t what was off. No, that was the massive gaping hole in front of the stairs. There was another hole of similar size just above the first hole too, indicating that something large had passed through here, likely from below. We ended up having to take a long detour to a different set of stairs leading out of the dungeon, since neither of us wanted to long jump across. That art is reserved for a certain red-capped plumber, and neither Sanon nor I were him. When we found our second set of stairs, we wasted no time in climbing them. It ended up taking a good few minutes of climbing, though. For some reason, the dungeon had been constructed much further underground than would have been reasonable, which resulted in a very tiresome trek. Upon reaching the ground floor, I could hear screams of a panicking populace outside. The majority of the chateau-like building that the lord apparently resided in had collapsed, leaving much rubble in our way. Sanon made short work of most rubble in our way, showcasing her rather freakish strength. Though freakish might not be the right word ¡ª it was actually very impressive. Eventually we cleared ourselves a path out through a window, since the doorways were either collapsed or blocked off. As we approached the window, the remainder of the ceiling collapsed down behind us, and it was at this moment that Sanon grabbed me, and sent me sailing through the window. She clambered out of the window herself while I got up off my ass. ¡°Did you have to throw me??¡± Sanon crossed her arms. ¡°No, but I thought it would be faster. I was right. Now let¡¯s go ¡ª we need to get back to the caravan. Right. The caravan. Speaking of ¡ª how long had we been down there? Probably not long, since the sun had only just begun to rise. Just as I got to my feet, an ornate wagon pulled by a feathered beast, similar in appearance to the raptor-like therian that I had met in Tokal, rushed by. I had guessed that inside was the lord. This would later be confirmed to be true. He had made his escape, and now it was time for us to make ours. I scanned the area, assessing the damage that I had unwittingly caused to the town as we ran like hell. Things were not great, to put it simply. Several buildings around the central square had been completely leveled. There were citizens running to and fro, trying to put out fires that had started from what I guessed must have been the tremors or maybe the panic. Every lantern that had been previously lit throughout our day in the town was now devoid of light, and the statue fountain was no longer running. I spotted a deceased elf that had been the victim of a horrible fate. The unfortunate soul had been cut in two, her lower half completely missing. The sight was grotesque ¡ª she had been cut so cleanly, and yet there was so much blood. Had Sanon and I not been immersed in adrenaline at the time, it¡¯s likely I would have vomited on the spot. Sanon and I locked eyes, nodding. We made a mad dash toward the outskirts of the town where the caravan had left their wagons. We ran past all manner of businesses that were abandoned for one reason or another. Some were collapsed, others were burning, and others still were simply empty, the patrons and owners having left to help their fellows put out the fires. Even now, the thumping and tremors did not stop. They remained an irregular and constant source of anxiety for the two of us as we frantically ran. We came to the gate that marked the exit to the slums of the town ¡ª the gate I had destroyed earlier. There was a rope ladder on the wall that had probably been placed there for temporary quick access to and transport over the wall. As we climbed, we noticed the sound of many pairs of armored feet on the ground. An explosion. A roar. Screaming. Another explosion. Another roar. A loud, low crushing sound as something impacted part of the wall that hadn¡¯t yet collapsed. We crested the barely intact wall, and we were greeted with the source of the noises. A sandworm, in all its glory, had held its own against a division of guards and soldiers. They must not have been equipped to handle the thing, because it didn¡¯t have a scratch, aside from some long, winding black scorch marks across the rust colored armor of the creature, similar to the marks left by a lightning strike. Similar to what now adorned my own arms. The soldiers and guards that had been fighting it had gone strangely silent just before we had reached the top of the wall. We now knew why. The worm was coiled up, surrounded by a number of dead elves. Some had been completely crushed, others had been messily bisected into pieces across one or more points on their bodies, while others yet had been made into a red, feathery paste, reminding me of a certain pair of fledgling hunters. We stared the worm down from the top of the wall, and it returned the favor. Its maw glistened and dripped with crimson fluid, and I could feel those all-seeing eyes pierce right through me, as though judging my very being like a reaper about to claim his due. Ah, The Consequences of My Actions Sandworms are widely believed to be intelligent, at least to some degree. To what degree, most cannot say ¡ª myself included. Not a single person on this planet at time of writing can really say they have the same level of knowledge as even your average bio major on Earth. Even so, a number of initiatives have been launched to study and preserve the Helsan species threatened with extinction by the climate crisis caused by the Great Discharge. This of course includes the noble sandworm, referred to as sunagmy by the natives. The sandworm that had been standing off with Sanon and I was likely of the higher quotient for intelligence, and it made this clear when it made a low growling noise. It¡¯s many eyes certainly gave off the impression that it was sizing us up. I could hear Sanon¡¯s breathing rapidly quicken to a point of near hyperventilation when the massive creature let out a low growl. The sound started in our feet, traveling into our bones until it was shaking our very beings. I could feel the low rumble disrupting the flow of my already erratic breathing. Looking over to Sanon I was beheld to a most ghastly sight. She always looked so full of life, even in her usual dismissive yet attentive haze. But now she looked nearly dead ¡ª the blood had completely drained from her hairs, leaving only a translucent keratin to convey a feeling that I could only guess to be abject terror. Sanon was completely frozen in place. Any sort of confidence or bravery she once held was no longer present within her mannerisms. Her eyes were wide, she took a step back. ¡°Sanon, I need you to stay calm. We can take this thing.¡± I lied. Realistically, I might be able to put enough mana into a spell that would knock out its shield, but to break through it and kill it? Well, that would assume that Sanon could cast well enough to not discharge, and I hadn¡¯t seen her cast like that yet. The terrified dwarf shivered. ¡°I am calm.¡± Strangely enough, her hairs were standing on end despite a lack of blood flow to them. Some kind of other mechanism perhaps? She said that she hadn¡¯t seen or heard of one of these things before, but it was clear that there was some kind of deep-seated fear within her. Not even I reacted like this until the fledgelings had died, and I had managed to force myself into motion. Had she encountered one in the past, but ended up forgetting for one reason or another? Was it just a natural response? I couldn¡¯t possibly imagine, but this would be a conversation for later. Whatever the case, I needed to know. The worm¡¯s stance shifted, going from a defensive coil, to an almost inquisitive forward lean. Its gaze still pierced me as it approached the wall upon which we had found ourselves trapped. The low growl persisted, but increased in pitch somewhat, though to an untrained ear it sounded nearly identical to the previous growl. Not much time was taken for the growl to reach an unsettlingly high treble. It sounded like a mix between an air raid siren, the defensive growl of a cornered dog, and the hiss of an alligator. The rational side of me knew that such a noise was not guaranteed to be a hostile one, but the irrational side of me only registered the change in vocalization as something negative. Something to be feared. In the face of something that I had considered already conquered, I was losing my grip. I couldn¡¯t let both Sanon and myself lose our nerves at a time like this. We just escaped potential execution, and I would be damned if I let this be what finally did us in. The worm brought its head ever closer to us. It continued leaning forward, all twelve eyes not once leaving my own. Its mouth briefly opened, before snapping shut. Its head persisted in its approach until it was hardly a few inches from me. The growl returned to the low, bone-shaking tone as the worm brought its head closer, closer yet. A mere centimeter away from my upper chest, the sharp collective tip where the four bladed jaws of the creature met nearly made contact with my collarbone. I could hear every detail to the creatures respiration. Like the insect-like creatures I had seen before, this one also seemed to have lungs. It was only logical, such a creature would need lungs to support such a massive size, the head alone could have fit over twenty of myself stacked long-ways. I briefly stole a glance over to Sanon, who had remained frozen in fear. She continued her hyperventilating, though she seemed to have found the willpower to steal a glance my way too. Our eyes met, and for a brief moment her breathing slowed. I shot her a confident look, hoping to look like I had it all under control. I did not, to put it bluntly. I had absolutely no control of this situation. If the worm chose to filet me, then it would, plain and simple. The worm¡¯s head remained in position, its breath beginning to slow, and the low growl quieting. A slight downward tilt brough the flat side of the jaws to face me, as it made contact with my chest. A slight nudge, nothing more, before it pulled back. The worm let out an almost arrogant snort, covering me in the blood of those whose lives I had unwittingly cut short. It turned away, seemingly satisfied with whatever it was that it had intended to do, and began ¡®slithering¡¯ out of the town. It flattened a few more buildings in the process. I could only hope those buildings weren¡¯t occupied. When it reached the earthen grounds past the stone pathing of the town, it dove below the tender earth, seemingly heading south. Sanon and I remained in our standing positions, shocked by the encounter. We simply stood there at a loss for words. My own mind had gone quiet, as though whatever processing that might have been going on had completely ceased. Only moments later I would collapse to my knees, breathing ragged and vision blurred. It was in this moment that my mind returned to full function, almost instantly. Painfully. I couldn¡¯t have done anything at all in that moment, I realized. There was nothing that I could have done to escape that situation, and whatever I had done to earn the mercy of that worm, I would hope to never do again. One look at the markings on my arms only intensified those feelings ¡ª the worm shared these markings. When I overloaded that circuit, it nearly fried my arms and every other part of my body. It didn¡¯t take a genius to figure out that it was the worm they were using as a bonafide generator. Unethical? Most likely. Inhumane? Almost a guarantee. But by releasing that worm, I had inadvertently killed many, and ruined the lives of many more. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. At time of writing, I still have not forgiven myself for what transpired that day. Not a single person that survived that day would ever forgive me either. They had no obligation to. It was that day that formed an integral part of who I am now, and it was that day that drove me to do what I did only a few short months ago. I rewrote the future of this world in record time, and I can only hope that my successors will do better than I. But I¡¯m getting ahead of myself. Sanon and I still had a full day ahead of us, and of the two of us, she had been the one to remain on her feet. Though whether she was aware of this, I do not know. Either way, it was she who emerged from her daze first. It was she who carried my nearly catatonic body off of the wall, and over to a building that hadn¡¯t yet collapsed. And it was she who wrapped my hands in cloth that she¡¯d found somewhere within the now dilapidated building. In the panic, I¡¯d not noticed just how damaged my hands and arms had become. Upon returning to my senses, I noticed something ¡ª my hands were quite swollen, and the scorched scars on my grasping appendages had not faded. Despite the obvious injury, I felt no pain. My sense of touch remained, and yet I was numb to the pain that should have been coursing through my rather inflated hands. That circuit must have done a number on me. I wonder if the worm had a similar experience? I sat up and observed my environment. The house had clearly seen much use, though now I doubt it would see much use for a while. The ceiling had collapsed in a few parts of the house that were visible from my position. There appeared to be a shelf of some kind that had toppled, all manner of item had been perched atop it. Spices had spilled onto the floor with books joining them. What particular kinds of books they were was unknown to me ¡ª their contents hidden from me by the language the inhabitants of the house spoke. Sanon wasn¡¯t in the room, she had apparently been searching the house for something, though she hadn¡¯t been too confident that she would find it. I could hear her rummaging about in the rooms nearby, and around twenty minutes later she returned, dried leaves in hand. She placed the strange leaves in a bowl before taking a small stick-like object with a blunt end and crushing the leaves in the bowl with it. I now know this to be a mortar and pestle, which are apparently a common household item on Helsa. I tried standing, though this proved difficult when I realized that my limbs were remarkably stiff, my legs especially. ¡°What are you doing? Shouldn¡¯t we be leaving the town?¡± I asked, ignoring my current disability. ¡°You are in no condition to move right now, stay put.¡± commanded Sanon. ¡°I told you that you would regret messing with that circuit, but here you are.¡± she sighed. ¡°Mana shock is what your condition is called, and lucky for you, I¡¯m familiar with it. Even luckier for you, I found a medicinal plant used to treat the aftershock.¡± ¡°Why do I feel like I know what that is.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. Do you??¡± a confused Sanon asked, almost expectantly. ¡°Maybe some enlightenment is in order? O great Sanon, what is your wisdom?¡± I had guessed that it was similar to what would happen if you hooked yourself up to an electric grid back home. Sanon facepalmed with an audible sigh. ¡°Mana shock occurs when a person is exposed to an unprotected mana circuit. The one you ¡®interfaced¡¯ with was protected, but it sounded like you just blatantly ignored the deterrent spell, which would certainly be in-character for the Max I know. ¡°Anyway, normally people only have brief exposure, which will leave someone stunned and possibly in pain for a few minutes. But for people that have long term exposure, in this case you, it can result in paralysis and a loss of the ability to feel pain.¡± I¡¯m no electrician but from the sounds of things I just touched a live power line or something. Or not, electricity is weird, and mana seems to be even weirder. Upon hearing this, my stomach sank. ¡°Is- is it permanent?¡± Sanon finished crushing the leaves as I spoke, and poured some water she had spelled into the bowl. She stirred for a moment before handing the not-tea off to me. ¡°It will be if you don¡¯t drink.¡± I was never one to turn down free food, which is not what this was. Even so, I was also never one to turn down free medical care, especially considering where I come from. I put the bowl to my lips, and took a pensive sip. It tasted like bitter ass. I nearly spit it out when the first drop of the vile stuff contacted my tongue. I forced myself to down it, briefly entertaining the idea that this world might not have germ theory. I then quickly evicted this idea from my mind, not wanting any more anxiety than was necessary. It took me a moment more to down the rest of the unfortunate concoction, though after doing so, I learned that the agony had not yet ended. The aftertaste. Oh god the aftertaste. This stuff was already bad, but have you ever had that pink antacid stuff in gas stations? Yes? Then you have some idea of the aftertaste, though it was somehow just as rancid as the initial taste. ¡°That was horrible.¡± I deadpanned. ¡°Yeah. It is. But you should be coming out of your paralysis in the next couple of hours, so good job on stomaching it. I¡¯m proud of you.¡± Sanon patted my head, which prompted me to shoot her a glare. So anyway, the next couple of hours passed, which were quite boring, let me tell you. As it happens, being nearly paralyzed in the middle of a run-down house is quite boring. Sanon stayed right there with me the whole time, watching the door for any unwelcome visitors. Unfortunately Sanon wasn¡¯t much for conversation at this point, so I resorted to reflecting on my journey so far. Looking back, I had been a goddamn idiot. I should have died back in Dilanja when I fought the sandworm. My experiments in Tokal were dangerous and to be completely honest, how the initial blast from the bonding spell didn¡¯t kill me is beyond me. Something like that should have left me injured at least. And to make matters worse, I just kept doing it. I kept overextending myself without having any prior knowledge as to what I was doing. I continued doing this even during my journey with the caravan, which did not go over well with Brom. Sanon is tolerant of me, but I can definitely tell that she gets concerned. And now? So many people died. So many died because of my actions. I can¡¯t keep doing this. Most people would have stopped by now, realizing that it would eventually escalate to this, but I didn¡¯t. No, I decided that referencing an anime would be a good idea. I decided that blowing up a wall, and then shutting down a town¡¯s power grid to bust out of prison would be a good idea. And what did that accomplish? I¡¯m alive now, sure. But how many people died? How many people lost their homes, or their families? I¡¯ve been treating Helsa like a goddamn tabletop RPG. This is real, and I need to get with the fucking program. ¡­ Once I had recovered to a point of mobility, Sanon and I made for the caravan.
The caravan was gone. Shit. Swamp Ass ¡°We just got stranded, didn¡¯t we.¡± I said, staring at the mess of tracks left by the caravan wagons. It looked like they must have left in hurry, which made sense considering the circumstances. Sanon looked over at me. If she were human, you¡¯d probably be able to see bags under her eyes. We were both exhausted, that was for certain. ¡°I think so¡­¡± she sighed. Staying anywhere near Nauphi was unlikely to be a good idea, with our only saving grace being that my sack had been left behind about 100 meters from the town, the contents haphazardly strewn about on the ground as though it had been thrown out of the wagon in motion. ¡°Aaand my phone¡¯s broken. Nice. Not like I wanted to keep that in any kind of good or good-adjacent condition.¡± I complained as I turned my attention to the other items. My sandworm armor was missing from the mess ¡ª I assumed it to still be on the wagon. I hope they get some good coin out of it. I¡¯m guessing it must have been Brom that threw the sack out, otherwise I might be without a map, assuming we find it here. Sanon found my tent cloth and the associated stakes, but none of the structural pieces, as they hadn¡¯t been in the sack to begin with. She rolled up the cloth and handed it over to me, and I promptly placed it inside of the sack. Moments later, Sanon found the map as well, which was a massive relief. Knowing where the next town was would be a boon assuming Oresco hadn¡¯t spread the news there or something. Oh thank god. My Earth clothes are still here. I hate to admit it, but my hoodie and jeans were items of high value to me. Not only did they hold quite a bit of sentimental value, almost as much as my phone had, but they were also my only other set of clothes. And if my hunch was correct, then they might have been the only other set I¡¯d have for quite a while ¡ª clothes are probably expensive, and as you readers know, I am chronically broke. I found Sanon to be staring quite intently at my hoodie. ¡°That robe looks awful expensive Max. Is it from Earth?¡± I nodded. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s from Earth, though it wasn¡¯t very expensive. I got it for like 20 bucks from a thrift store, but this, in addition to my jeans and my phone-¡± I said, holding out my now crushed phone. ¡°-is all I have left of Earth, so I¡¯d prefer to keep them around.¡± While we talked, I also found my most important possession of all: my screwdriver. Finally, I could stab things. ¡°So, how do you reckon we proceed?¡± I asked, looking at the road going east. According to the map, there were two roads we could take. The more well-maintained of the two would take us by the coast. On that route, it would take us around two and a half months, if not longer, to get to the city of Arnekussos. If we wanted to find a town as soon as possible though, we¡¯d want to take the lesser maintained of the two roads, which would bring us to Bybros. Sanon took a gander at the map, considering our options. I was willing to let the Helsan native navigate in my place, even if she didn¡¯t know the area. She might be able to recognize problems that I wouldn¡¯t notice until it was too late. ¡°We should go to Bybros, even if they already know about your¡­ escapades. The chance that they don¡¯t know is too valuable to ignore.¡± ¡°That sounds like a plan then! Though I think that road is on the other side of the town, so we¡¯ll have to go around¡­¡± It took us about half an hour to get to the road leading to Bybros. Like the main trade route we¡¯d been on with the caravan, it wasn¡¯t paved. Unlike the trade route, however, it was considerably more overgrown. It clearly hadn¡¯t been used nearly as much as the main route. Still, the road was easy enough to follow, as the ground was still more worn than the surrounding terrain. I hadn¡¯t been entirely certain of the distance from here to Bybros since I wasn¡¯t willing to trust the scale of the map. The distance looked comparable to the trip from Dilanja to Tokal, so I was under the assumption that it wouldn¡¯t take very long. A month at most considering that I had to stop to rest pretty frequently back in the desert. Sanon and I looked back on Nauphi as we walked, smoke rising from several areas of the now nearly destroyed town. Not my greatest moment, not by a long shot. Surely this wouldn¡¯t come back to bite me in the ass.
A non-zero number of hours later, Sanon and I found that the tropical rainforest we had grown so accustomed to during our short time with the caravan had begun to fade into a wetland. Swamps, vast shallows of water, that sort of thing. Despite the connotations associated with swamps, it was actually quite the sight. Well, during the day it had been rather drab, what with all the murky water and questionably sized insect analogous life flitting about the place. I saw a number of fish-like creatures prowling the waters as well. I even saw what looked to be a strange fish with an armored head. I hadn¡¯t got a very good look at it, but the jaws on the thing definitely didn¡¯t inspire any sort of confidence. I decided that it would be best to keep my distance from the water with stuff like that around. Sorry Mr. Steve Irwin, but I¡¯ll have to leave the dangerous wildlife to people like you for now. I think I¡¯ve had enough near-death experiences involving animals for now. Unfortunately, keeping my distance to the water would prove to be a bit of a challenge. Apparently, wetlands have a lot of water. My shoes were soaked, and Sanon didn¡¯t seem to be enjoying it any more than I was. The road had decided that not only was flora welcome upon its surface, but that water was too! I could still see what was and was not road, but man was it annoying to differentiate. One moment I could be walking on mostly solid ground, and the next I would be chest-deep in muddy waters. Fortunately, I hadn¡¯t yet actually experienced such a fate. I had managed to maintain my footing and keep everything above my ankles dry. I felt a tap on my shoulder from behind, scaring the living hell out of me. It appears I managed to pass the acrobatics check by just a hair though, as I flailed around in an attempt to regain the footing I had so nearly lost. It would be some actual luck then, that I was pulled from falling by the culprit of the shoulder tapping ¡ª Sanon. ¡°Hey-! Be careful! There¡¯s some really nasty things in that water, so don¡¯t go falling now!¡± she reprimanded. ¡°We should stop for a bit. Not long though, I just need to cool off.¡± I suppose I could use a short rest too. The desert heat was bad, but it was dry. This hellhole is humid, and maybe even a bit hotter! Stolen story; please report. Sanon and I then stopped momentarily as she took a moment to air out her robe. The caravan probably still had her armor set, not that wearing it in a humid-ass swamp would have been a good idea. How she hadn¡¯t been melting in the heat before now had me quite confused. I watched as Sanon aired out her robe. Ever seen a pinecone? If so, then that¡¯s about what she looked like. All of her hairs were standing on end as she stretched. The translucent hairs on her face and arms were flushed a deep crimson as well, demonstrating that yes, they are used for heat regulation. My curiosity about dwarves¡¯ biology hadn¡¯t abated since first meeting Sanon, and I had some lingering questions. The only problem was how to actually raise these questions without either sounding like a creep, or just not making any sense. I decided to start with something innocent. ¡°Hey Sanon, do your hairs puff out when you¡¯re hot or am I missing something?¡± Sanon¡¯s face betrayed a rather confused expression, with maybe a hint of curiosity. ¡°Yes? How do you cool off?¡± ¡°Uh. I- I sweat?¡± Sanon simply cocked her head at this. Oh boy time to explain what sweat is. ¡­ So I explained what sweat is. Throughout the explanation, Sanon¡¯s face shifted from curiosity, to disgust, and then to mild fascination¡­ I think. That last one was kinda vague actually. Sanon had asked more questions about it, but most of them were conversational dead ends due to my limited knowledge on human biology. ¡°So does it just come out of your skin?¡± ¡°Yeah we have tiny holes all over our bodies called pores, and our sweat is produced in and excreted from glands under the skin. Or at least I think that¡¯s how it works, I¡¯m not a biologist. Should I assume that dwarves don¡¯t sweat then?¡± Sanon laughed. ¡°No, we definitely don¡¯t do that. I don¡¯t want to imagine how it would feel to get wet whenever I run. Is it really that effective?¡± I put my hand to my chin in contemplation. ¡°I dunno about modern times, I¡¯m not an athlete¡­ but early in our history, hunters could pursue prey until it collapsed from exhaustion. We don¡¯t really do that anymore though.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°Agriculture and animal husbandry. In short, we learned that we can choose where plants grow and animals live. Hunters still exist and do their thing, but only really for sport or to curb the population of pest animals like deer.¡± I said, knowing full well Sanon did not know what a deer was. Sanon nodded in understanding. ¡°Mhm! We have farms back home, but we can only grow in the northern part of our territory where snow is less common.¡±
We had resumed our walking while we conversed. We ended up trading info about our respective cultures, which ended up being pretty fun. Apparently dwarves have a system of interconnected communities almost like tribes. Each one has a specialization based on their particular region. The majority of the tribes exist in the Lontish shield region, which is a colder region in the south of the Lontish Commune. The shield region actually extends into the southern half of the territory of the Cher Horde, but that¡¯s not something I knew back then. Dwarven tribes, or ¡°Eu?pa¡± as Sanon put it, all tend to have an industrial specialization of some kind. The tribes around where the Bosznolaugna river meets the southern glacier specialize in boatmaking and the like, which is where Sanon comes from. This caused a bit of confusion for me, since she said she¡¯d been an apprentice at a forge. ¡°Wait, but weren¡¯t you were a forge apprentice?¡± Initially I thought it would have made sense for tribes to extend themselves outside of their trades, and I was indeed right. Sanon seemed confused by my question before realizing what I had meant. ¡°Oh! I went to live as an apprentice in a different eu?pa. The forge at home wasn¡¯t allowed to take on apprentices.¡± Apparently there was an agreement between the tribes over trade specializations or something, she never really went into detail about it. Our conversation continued into the night, but it came to an abrupt halt when we noticed the goddamn lightshow the wetland had decided to put on. The lights here were different from the ones I had seen at the river the caravan had stopped at though. Some of them were solid and consistent, while others were strobing as though to communicate information of some kind. Others still were slowly pulsing as though the lights themselves were breathing. Bioluminescence. All kinds of species of plant and animal used it here, and night time was the prime time for such a display. Some of the flowering trees used a consistent green-blue glow, though for what I did not know. I spotted a few insect-like animals utilizing it too, perhaps a similar behavior to fireflies on Earth? Even under the murky water I could faintly see lights, though I imagine their uses may have been different. Anglerfish on Earth use the light to attract prey, though here in the wetland the conditions for such a behavior to emerge might not be present. But like I said before, I¡¯m no biologist. As entranced as Sanon and I were by the Helsan wildlife, I couldn¡¯t help but find my gaze drawn skyward to the moons. The smaller Mis had definitely seen better days, even more so now. Fissures had formed on the surface as the tidal forces of Lus slowly ripped it apart, and it seemed that now the end of Mis had finally begun. The diminutive moon had begun having larger pieces of it ripped away, one of them having already impacted the larger Lus. If Lus hadn¡¯t been tectonically active before, then it definitely just got a jumpstart. Sanon was horrified and confused at this. ¡°W-what¡¯s happening to Lus and Mis?!¡± ¡°Ahh that would be our good friend the roche limit.¡± I said nonchalantly. ¡°That doesn¡¯t tell me anything!¡± ¡°Oh uhh right. It¡¯s basically what happens whenever two celestial bodies get too close to each other. So I guess a good example would be right above us. Lus and Mis got too close, and now Mis is getting ripped apart by gravity.¡± Sanon¡¯s face went blank. It seemed that my explanation had been lost on her. ¡°Wait! But what about the goddesses?! They¡¯re supposed to be engaged!!¡± Sanon nearly shouted. For whatever reason, it seems this turn of events had her quite distressed. ¡°Well it looks to me like they¡¯re getting a rather divine divorce.¡± I joked. Sanon gasped. ¡°Max! Now is not the time to be making jokes!¡± [Did someone say Jokes?!] Not now Literature! Fuck outta here! Do NOT make me do the thing! I didn¡¯t build this damn machine for nothing! [I know just the god that would have enjoyed that joke, but fine, I¡¯ll go somewhere that I¡¯m appreciated.] Not without DSC approval you aren¡¯t!
Where was I? Oh yeah, writing. So after Sanon¡¯s worldview was shattered, we turned in for the night. Want to know how we slept when the ground was covered in water? Too bad! I¡¯m not telling! Ok we slept in a tree. I regret sleeping in a tree. Do you know what it¡¯s like to wake up with a massive fucking bug just sitting on your chest?! Bro was just breathing in my face! And now? Now the fucker is following me! I named him Max Jr.! I love him very much! So anyway Max Jr. is like¡­ a weird beetle looking thing. He flies and he makes an awful whirring noise when he does and I hate it. ¡°Are you- are you keeping that thing???¡± ¡°Yeah I guess. I don¡¯t think he¡¯s leaving any time soon.¡± And so with a bug on my back we continued on to Bybros! Not My Idea Eight days passed before we were anywhere near our destination, and in that time I had experienced some of the worst pain a human could possibly feel. No I did not give birth, but I did want to amputate my hand. FOR YOU SEE, Max Jr. bit me. Now, you might be wondering how I managed to get bit, but that would be a very stupid question; I¡¯m sure many of you have been bitten by a bug before. Regardless, I probably deserved it anyway. This little chihuahua-sized bastard decided that he didn¡¯t like me hand-feeding him a weird armored fish that I somehow speared with Stabby, so he bit me. Oh but other times this shithead is all cuddly and some such. Or at least as cuddly as a bug can be. Last I checked back home, bugs were never really the cuddly types. I swear this dude was more temperamental than a damned macaw. I also just now realized that I didn¡¯t describe Max Jr. in any detail in the last chapter, so let¡¯s take care of that! He¡¯s got a pretty wide and flat shield-shaped body, and his legs are normally pretty sprawled out with some massive feet to boot, though he can tuck them in. He¡¯s got eight of ¡®em too, though I don¡¯t think it would be right to call him an arachnid ¡ª this is an alien planet after all. His back sports a pretty tough set of elytra, with some admittedly beautiful wings underneath. The elytra are black with orange splotches. Every other part of him is a dark ash coloration, not quite as dark as his elytra. His mandibles are on the smaller side, but that just means there¡¯s more room for bite force. I wasn¡¯t lying when I said he could bite hard, though I don¡¯t think he broke any bone when he bit me. It was almost like a warning bite or something. Max Jr. actually had quite a bit of personality, for a bug. Or not for a bug? He was weirdly intelligent, so I¡¯m really beginning to think that Helsan arthropods or whatever are probably able to get quite a bit smarter than their Earthly counterparts. Max Jr. can also make a few chirps and hisses, though how these sounds are formed is beyond me. I imagine that since he has some kind of lung-analog organ, he can use that air for vocalizations. He¡¯s still a bastard though, and I think Sanon agrees.
I¡¯ll spare you the nitty gritty on the majority of our time in the wetland since it was mostly a lot of the same. There was a staggering amount of biodiversity, but aside from that, there isn¡¯t much to say. It was midday by the time we had made our way to Bybros, and it was then that we stopped just outside the town. A wave of anxiety had passed over us as we deliberated on whether or not to enter the town. We didn¡¯t know if news of my crimes had reached this town or not, or if Oresco had even come this way. I turned to Sanon, Max Jr. on my head. ¡°So, any ideas? Do we go in?¡± Sanon was visibly and justifiably unimpressed at my hat-bug, but she still responded without skipping a beat. ¡°I¡­ I don¡¯t really know. I can¡¯t fight and as much as I hate to say it, but you are not reliable in a fight either.¡± We stood in silence for a bit while we thought on the matter, before I formed a plan. ¡°Sanon, I have an idea.¡± If looks could kill, then the expression that Sanon had given me should have atomized me on the spot. ¡°Max, you had better not do anything stupid this time.¡± Max Jr. fluttered his wings from atop my head, likely in retort to Sanon¡¯s lack of confidence in my competence. ¡°Relax! I uh¡­ I think I¡¯m gonna work on my impulsiveness when it comes to my uh¡­ ideas. No, I sneak into the town alone and ask around about Nauphi. If no one knows, then we go in together and figure out what to do from there. BUT, if I¡¯m not back out here in an hour, I give you full permission to abandon me, as much as that would hurt.¡± Sanon gave an exasperated sigh. ¡°Max, I¡¯m not going to abandon you, but sure. That idea is reasonable, so go ahead. Just please be careful ¡ª you¡¯re the only person out here that I can trust.¡± Well at least I know she won¡¯t up and leave. I gave Sanon a number of my belongings before walking around the side of the town to sneak in. I wanted to make sure she had them so that if I were compromised or something, she¡¯d at least have a map to work with. The town was surrounded by a sparse tropical forest similar to Tokal, which resulted in a lack of places to hide my approach. Fortunately, it was noon and the sky was clear, so with consistent light conditions, I donned my coat and ceased to exist.
Large village was probably a more accurate descriptor for Bybros. It wasn¡¯t anywhere near as big as Nauphi or even Tokal, though something notable about this place is that it had quite a lot of farmland to work with. I doubted they had a large or well-trained guard stationed here, so I foolishly lowered my own guard somewhat. I was still practically invisible though, so as long as I stayed in consistent light I¡¯d be safe. I explored the town for a quick moment before ducking behind a building to uncloak now that I had actually entered, making sure to stay out of the shadows so that the cloaking didn¡¯t go haywire. A sizeable number of elves were bustling about the place, though there was plenty of space in the streets, compared to somewhere like Nauphi. Unfortunately this meant that I was very easily spotted, and my status as a human meant that I stood out quite a bit. Back in Tokal and Nauphi, people generally kept to themselves, but the villagers here were much more obvious about their curiosity. I could feel several stares at any given moment, though most of them averted their eyes when I turned their way. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. I eventually decided that it might be best to find a gathering area like a tavern to speak to someone. The last thing I wanted was to make a scene in the middle of the streets. I wasn¡¯t afraid of these people by any means, but Sanon was right in that I couldn¡¯t be trusted to win a fight, so I¡¯d bet money that most of these villages would wipe the floor with me if a fight were to break out. Not that I thought one would happen, but you can never be too careful. I looked for a tavern or anything resembling one, and it would be my luck then, that I did not find one. I didn¡¯t want to take too long though, so I picked up my pace. I made my way around the village before coming to their farmland. They had all sorts of crops, from small fruit-bearing trees, to smaller leafy plants that seemed to be very well-tended, even more so than their other crops. These plants were fenced in by what looked like a glowing barrier about ten feet tall. I¡¯ve said before that hard shields are very expensive to maintain, and this hasn¡¯t changed even with my innovations at time of writing, so how these villagers were able to do this has me confused even now. In fact, I¡¯m planning on taking a trip back there again once I finish writing this book! Regardless, the plants were obviously valuable to them, and when I approached, I could feel a slight inward pressure as I got closer to the field. It was almost like my mana was being drained just from the proximity. I ended up having to retreat from the field before I went into depressurization, but not before I got a whiff of the air around it. The smell was strong, and somewhat familiar, but I couldn¡¯t quite place it. As I retreated, a youthful, yet experienced sounding voice called out to me. ¡°Hey there traveller! You might wanna stay away from that there sky herb field. The stuff¡¯s commissioned by the prince, so we¡¯ve got a lot of protection spells on it. T¡¯ain¡¯t a good idea to be around it without proper keyspells.¡± This elf was rather short compared to his peers, and he certainly sounded young, so if I had to guess, he might have been a child working the farm. And I¡¯d also like to say that this guy somehow had a twang to his voice that really reminded me of a certain somewhere, despite him clearly speaking Common. Anyway, I waved back at him as he approached me. He didn¡¯t seem angry or hostile, so I just went with the flow of things. ¡°Sky herb?¡± The colorful young elf nodded. ¡°Yep! It¡¯s really popular in the capital, and the prince¡¯s been gettin¡¯ real particular about it lately. He¡¯s always coming around here to ask us how we¡¯re doing and inspect the field. My parents won¡¯t tell me why he wants it, but every time he¡¯s here, he seems really happy and laid back! He even gave me candy once!¡± ¡­ Does Helsa have weed??? Did someone accidentally bring weed here? Is it convergent evolution?? There¡¯s actually no fucking way, but now that I think about it, it definitely smelled familiar¡­ Wait is the prince a fucking stoner?! I nodded along with the kid¡¯s explanation before attempting to change the topic. Max Jr. chose a real weird time to start chittering from atop my head, eliciting a laugh and a ¡°weird hat!¡± from the kid. ¡°So, I¡¯ve actually got a question for ya. Mind if I ask?¡± I started. ¡°Oh sure thing mister!¡± ¡°Did you or anyone else happen to hear about any kind of disaster in Nauphi?¡± ¡°No? Did something happen? I¡¯ve never been there before, but we get caravans selling some of their goods occasionally¡­ I hope nothing happened.¡± And it was here that I decided to flip the script. No causing a scene, nor a panic. ¡°Nah I just heard a rumor. I thought someone here might know something. Thanks anyway though!¡± I said, moving to escape the situation and report back to Sanon. The boy¡¯s face lit up momentarily before he began waving to me. ¡°Oh okay! Well if you¡¯re still around later, come by my parents¡¯ shop and buy something, we sell all kinds of fruits and vegetables!¡±
I returned to the bushes where I had left Sanon to find her sitting cross-legged and staring intently at my map. Whatever it was she was thinking, it clearly had her in a zone of some kind. She was talking to herself, though it was in Lontish, so understanding her wasn¡¯t exactly an option. On the topic of Lontish, briefly, I¡¯d like to say that it is a hell of a language to learn. Don¡¯t do it. Save your sanity for other endeavors. Anyway, back to Sanon and her map reading reverie. I decided that maybe being alive was for suckers, so I did what any sane person would do. ¡°Hi.¡± A high pitched yelp was my reward as what I guessed to be a reflex resulted in Sanon¡¯s hairs entering pinecone mode. She¡¯s gonna kill me if she ever reads this book. ¡°Damn it Max! I had a train of thought going!¡± she said, brushing her hairs back down with her hands to little effect. Does Helsa even have trains? ¡°You did?¡± I said, before immediately correcting myself upon seeing her glare. ¡°Y-Yeah you did!¡± ¡­ ¡°May I ask what station that train of thought was heading to?¡± ¡°No. Follow me.¡± ¡°Wh- But the town is safe!¡± Max Jr. chittered with me as though presenting a case to a judge. ¡°Good. Do you still have those runebrands?¡± ¡°Y-yeah??¡± ¡°Good. Follow me.¡± She was not walking in the direction of the town.
Five days. I followed Sanon through the woods, back into the swamp, for five motherfucking days. Though I¡¯m pretty sure we were walking east, so wherever it was we were going, it wasn¡¯t backward. Sanon also refused to tell me anything about her plan, so there was that too. ¡°Sanooon, where are we going??¡± I whined. Sanon put a finger to her lips. ¡°Shush. We get there when we get there.¡± I opened my mouth to protest, but when Sanon glared back at me, I decided that maybe I didn¡¯t want to die, and that I should shut up.
A couple hours more of walking, and we came to a clearing where a reasonably large river was flowing from uphill. It looked pretty rough, so crossing it definitely wasn¡¯t an option. Sanon briskly walked over to me after we stopped, getting right up in my face. Or rather, she tried to. She¡¯s like 4¡¯3¡±, so in reality she was standing on her toes. She firmly grasped the shaft of Stabby, whom I had been using as a walking stick, wrenching it from my hand. She meandered her way over to a tree and gave it a good punch before pointing the business end of Stabby at the trunk. The trunk was torn to shreds as Stabby¡¯s penetration spell fired, bringing the wooden behemoth down with a resounding thud. A bridge? Sanon moved over to the fallen tree and began to strip it of its branches with Stabby, dulling the blade in the process. I wanted to protest, but I feared that doing so may have further incurred her wrath. After thoroughly dulling Stabby, she turned back to me, a manic look in her eyes that nearly put the fear of god in me. ¡°Get out those brands. We¡¯re building a boat.¡± Come again? Placoderm Panic! ¡°Sanon, I get that the river leads straight to Elion,¡± I said, looking at my map. ¡°But are you sure it¡¯s safe to travel on water?¡± Following trends on Earth, if the land-dwelling wildlife on Helsa were as big as I¡¯d seen so far, then the things in the water were bound to be positively terrifying, not to mention dangerous. And as much as I hate to admit it, I did have a sense of self-preservation, albeit only when it didn¡¯t involve learning magic to some capacity. Sanon sighed for the thirtieth time. ¡°Max, we¡¯ll be fine. What¡¯s got you so scared?¡± Thalassophobia is a hell of a drug. The marsh was one thing, but this river does not look very human-friendly. Crossing my arms, I took a hesitant gander at the ¡®boat¡¯ that Sanon had been constructing for the last few hours. ¡°I just have some concerns about what might be in the water¡­¡± ¡°Max, the only thing to be afraid of in the water is yourself. The fish won¡¯t bother you if you don¡¯t bother them.¡± said Sanon, looking up from carving into the log that would become a boat with a now tired expression gracing her normally youthful features. Yeah. Myself¡­ hah. She had used some of my runes to create a magic sander out of a short stick. The ground around her was covered in green sawdust as she worked away at the log, its shape slowly turning into something that I recognized. ¡°Are you sure that¡¯ll float?¡± ¡°Yes, it¡¯ll float.¡± Sanon rapped her fist on the wood, eliciting a dull knocking sound that would have been inaudible had the log still been in an unworked state. It had only taken her about two hours to get it into this shape, and considering the size of the soon-to-be vessel, that meant that she possessed quite a degree of skill. I took my attention away from the carpenting dwarf, making my way toward another tree of the same species. We had both slept in one previously, their branches arranged in such a way that left them reasonably comfortable once we cleaned the water out of the ¡®bowl¡¯ the branches formed. There had been colonies of bioluminescent moss growing along the branches and trunk of the tree, each colony extending tendrils into the tree¡¯s bowl. They glowed a gentle cyan. I had imagined that the tree gathered rainwater, but a closer look at the bowl revealed a number of small pores within the wood. A thought occurred, prompting me to retrieve Stabby from Sanon. I wedged the spear into the wood of the trunk before letting loose a low-yield penetration spell. A soft crack! sounded from the wound as water murky as the wetland around it gushed from it. Does it filter water? Moments later I noticed something else about the tree ¡ª it had no leaves! I probably should have noticed that earlier, but eh. Even stranger, the ¡®branches¡¯ I had mentioned were softer than you would expect. They had a dull green hue as the aforementioned moss stretched up their length. Symbiosis? ¡°Are the branches like big leaves? Some kind of relationship with the moss maybe?¡± I said to myself. Indeed, every tree in sight had this moss covering their surfaces to some extent. I suppose the boat¡¯ll be watertight at least. Sanon did say that her family did a lot with boats and whatnot, so I guess it makes sense she¡¯d know her stuff. Weirdly convenient though. Sanon¡¯s voice tore me from my thoughts. ¡°Hey- hey! Max, get over here! I need your spear again!¡± I sighed and walked back over to Sanon¡¯s makeshift workstation to return Stabby to her. She gingerly took the spear from me before starting to carve away the bark of the trunk. As she skillfully peeled away the bark, a green hue similar to the branches was revealed, this one was much brighter though. Sanon peeled off a chunk of the tree flesh and handed it to me. ¡°Here, take a bite.¡± I¡¯m confident that any readers from Earth will understand why I was hesitant here. I¡¯m not one to turn my nose up at new foods, but a tree? I mean- it looked edible¡­ in the same way an unripe fruit does. It was still the flesh of a tree though, and Sanon had definitely noticed that I was eyeing it with suspicion. Sanon smiled. ¡°Go on and try it, they¡¯re perfectly safe. They¡¯re called chalice trees; my parents used to give me a slice whenever they had one imported for a project. I heard that some places like to fry them!¡± I took the offering and sniffed it. It smelled like freshly cut grass, so I assumed the flavor would be bitter or maybe even savory. It made my eyes water though, so my confidence was quickly cowed. I could tell you that it was sweet and tasted like strawberries, and that you should all try it without hesitation. But that would be a heinous crime that even the likes of I would not commit. I shoved the chunk of tree into my mouth and chewed. My face scrunched up when the flavor hit me. It was sharply pungent, with a strong, flavorful aftertaste. ¡­ This would make a fantastic onion ring. The taste was still hard to handle on its own though, so I opted to get it swallowed sooner rather than savor it. In those few moments though, Max Jr. had left the perch that was my head, and made a beeline for the tree that Sanon had been carving at. It took no time at all for the bug to be sent flying by an annoyed dwarf. ¡°Could you keep that pet of yours busy, please?¡± Sanon pleaded. I squatted down next to Sanon and gestured to her. ¡°He has a name, you know. Besides, I think he¡¯s just hungry¡­ why don¡¯t you gimme another slice?¡± ¡°If I do that then this whole tree¡¯ll be gone in minutes. Here ¡ª take your spear and get a piece from a different one so he doesn¡¯t home in on this one. I¡¯m just about done here anyway.¡± She sighed, handing over Stabby without another word. I gingerly took the offered spear and made my way to where Max Jr. had landed. The small thing had remained on its back, clearly struggling.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. ¡°Here, lemme help ya with that.¡± I said, using the almost oar-shaped non-business end of Stabby to flip him over like a pancake. Max Jr. made a chittering noise that I had assumed to be jovial in nature. Max Jr. ambled himself right up onto my shoulder, his wings whirring as he did so to assist in his ambling. Once he settled in, I ambulated my way about ten or so meters from Sanon over to another tree near the river, intent on defiling it for the sake of my buggy friend. The feeling of Stabby¡¯s penetrate spell busting through the tree will never get old. In hindsight, I probably didn¡¯t need to do that to the poor tree, but the past is the past. It¡¯s not water under the bridge though. This river doesn¡¯t have a bridge. I sliced a piece of the tree off and handed it over to Max Jr. Why he hadn¡¯t already started eating a tree was beyond me. Or at least that¡¯s what I would say, because he immediately spat it out. So, Max Jr.¡¯s species is actually an obligate carnivore, meaning that they don¡¯t just prefer only meat, they must eat only meat. They normally hide in holes they bore into trees and use them to ambush prey, but they¡¯re also aware that when people hunt, they leave behind scraps, so they tend to follow travelers around for a while before losing interest. Max Jr. had followed me for a much longer time than is typical. All that said, I didn¡¯t know any of that at the time, so my befuddlement at the small creature¡¯s action was most intense. ¡°So you don¡¯t want to eat that?¡± I asked, not expecting an answer. Wasn¡¯t really sure what to do at that point, so I leaned on the tree whose trunk I had partially obliterated. It looked sturdy enough, so I didn¡¯t really think much of it. It was not sturdy enough. I didn¡¯t even hear it crack, though that was probably due to the softness of the tree¡¯s ¡®wood¡¯. I nearly went into the water with the tree, but fortunately Max Jr. valiantly saved me! [No he didn¡¯t.] Shut up Literature. Alright, fine. So I went into the water with the tree. The water was really cold compared to the muggy swamp air, and I do believe my exact words as I plunged into the murky hell were ¡°oh shit the tree broke shitshitshitshitSHIT¡±. When I was 14 I had nearly drowned in a river. I was canoeing with some family when we hit some rapids. My canoe collided with a branch and capsized with me still in it. It took me a few panic-laced moments of desperation before I was able to remove myself from under the canoe. I was able to grab onto a branch before I was swept away, and after a bit of struggling I managed to pull myself to the river bank. Not a good day, that one.
So anyway, my torso had ended up half submerged with my top half draped over the fallen tree. If that hadn¡¯t already caused enough panic, then feeling something fleshy hitting my legs repeatedly definitely lit a waterproof fire under my now submerged ass. The way I scrambled back onto the shore was nothing short of cartoonish, and the fact that Sanon didn¡¯t see it happen was my only saving grace. After all, Max Jr. can¡¯t talk. [You know¡­ I could tell Sanon.] If you do that, I will make the Great Discharge look like a goddamn tea party, Literature. So help me gods I will make you regret it. Anyway. Now that I¡¯ve shut Literature up- [No you haven¡¯t.] Anyway. I scrambled up onto the wet, muddy grass of the river bank hoping that whatever had been in the water hadn¡¯t decided my legs were suitable food. Repressed memories of drowning had suddenly returned to me I took a number of moments to regain my composure and get my thoughts in line again. After that, it took me no time at all to notice the occasional splashing coming from where the tree had fallen into the water. It had remained only partially submerged, with the splashing centered around one of the branches. Closer inspection of the splashing revealed a fish of some kind that had been impaled on the aforementioned branch. Now, if this had been Earth, I would have kept my distance and let myself feel safe away from the river. But this was not Earth. This was a bonafide alien planet, and while my rational mind told me that that only made it more dangerous, my irrational curious mind thought ¡°oOoo alien fish!¡± You can probably guess what happened next. ¡°Hey Sanon I just caught us dinner!¡± [Really?] I was hungry! Sue me. Sanon hurried over, her face a mix of confusion, excitement, and concern. All of these things were understandable considering my track record up to that point. She had a knife in her hands that she had presumably been using to finish up the boat, though she sheathed it when she reached the spot where the tree had fallen. ¡°Where is this dinner, exactly?¡± she said, raising an eyebrow. She put a hand to her forehead when I pointed to the splashing in the water. ¡°You did not catch a fish with a tree.¡± ¡°Then what¡¯s that?¡± I retorted smugly, gesturing again to the splashing near the tree. Whatever I had caught was certainly tenacious, still not having died just yet. Sanon ignored me and hopped onto the fallen tree. She squatted down to get a closer look at the fish only for her expression to shift to an excited one. ¡°Spear,¡± she said, holding out her hand. I passed Stabby over to her for the second time that day, and she immediately thrust it into the water. She cursed under her breath when Stabby bounced right off of whatever it was she hit. ¡°A little to the right then¡­¡± The desperate splashing of the fish only intensified when she hit the fish right on target, twisting Stabby further into the fish, dislodging it from the branch holding it captive. With the fish now firmly impaled on Stabby, Sanon, with her abnormally robust strength, lifted a monster of a fish right out of the water and over her head, slamming it onto the river bank with enough force to put a shallow fish-shaped crater in the bank. The thing had to be at least a meter long, and boy was it girthy! Even after all of the damage the fish had sustained, it was still fighting! Sanon hopped off the tree just before it fell into the river the rest of the way. She briskly approached the fish before pulling Stabby out of the fish and began wedging it under the armor covering its head. Once Stabby was snugly embedded beneath the plating of the armored fish, Sanon performed a deft forward thrust, instantly killing the fish. She took a breath and handed Stabby back to me after removing it from our dinner. ¡°Strange method¡­ but this was a really good find, Max. Jawblade fish are really valuable as food, but they aren¡¯t very common back home. We should probably get this thing cut up and cooked before nightfall. We can make camp out here and be on the river to Elion by sunrise.¡± I nodded to Sanon, kneeling down next to the fish. The head of the fish was really distinct, with thick, bony armor plating stretching from the front of the head all the way back to just past the operculum. For those who don¡¯t know, the operculum is the flap that covers the gills of fish. What had me interested though, is the mouth. This thing had a really sharp set of teeth, if you could even call them that. This thing pretty much had a guillotine for a mouth! Stranger still, it seemed familiar to me. It was something about how the mouth and armor plating were constructed that gave me pause. The rest of the fish was relatively normal, it was a dark brownish green with black spots all over, fitting for a fish living in a river or swamp. But the head of this fish was really peculiar. Just where the hell have I seen one of these before? I know that sturgeon have something similar to the armor, but those are just osteoderms, not full on plating¡­ wait, hang on. Aren¡¯t armored fish extinct on Earth? If memory serves, they were called placoderms. But those guys went extinct right at the end of the Devonian period¡­ it would be ridiculous to think that some of them ended up here, right? Yeah it was ridiculous, but true nonetheless. At time of writing, the specific circumstances behind why these fish are on Helsa are still mostly unknown, but even then I was able to tell what this thing was. The armored head and guillotine-like jaw made it clear as day. ¡°Holy SHIT a dunkle!¡± ¡°A what?¡± Cooking with Max ¡°A dunkle! An ancient fish from Earth! Very ancient! And very dead! All of them! Wait a minute why is it here then?¡± I circled around the now dead fish, violating every inch of it with my eyes. Get your minds out of the gutter, readers, for I was in analysis mode. Sanon seemed confused, though not in the ¡®I¡¯ve never heard of that¡¯ sense. More like the ¡®what is this guy even talking about¡¯ sense. ¡°Max, that¡¯s a cho?platszyb.¡± record_scratch.mp3 ¡°A what?¡± ¡°...oh right,¡± Sanon put a hand to her face, chuckling to herself. ¡°A jawblade fish.¡± ¡°What was the other name?¡± ¡°It was just the Lontish name¡­¡± Sanon sighed. ¡°I forgot the Common name.¡± Ohhhh¡­ cool! Anyway. Fish. ¡°I uh¡­ I see. So about the dunkle¡­ wanna eat it? I did say I caught us dinner.¡± Sanon¡¯s face lit up, though it was quickly tempered. ¡°Do you even know how to cook one? I¡¯ve never prepared one of these before.¡± Rather than use my words, I instead retrieved Stabby from the fish¡¯s neck area place thing. I knelt down in front of the belly, and made an incision. The skin was actually pretty thick, but I made it through with enough effort. I should probably find a way to sharpen Stabby soon. I used a nearby branch to hold the cut I made open long enough to reach my hands in. ¡°Sanon, do you know how to set up a spit roast?¡± ¡°I think we could use the head of the tree you knocked over to support the central shaft¡­¡± she mused. She then wordlessly picked up one end of the tree and dragged it away, before she began her business. While Sanon carefully spelled off the top of the tree, I continued cleaning the dunkle. It was certainly an experience. Gutting it was easy enough, if tedious considering that I hadn¡¯t cleaned a fish of it¡¯s size before, but I made do. The real trouble was the armor. While it didn¡¯t extend any further back than what I remembered seeing in fossils back home, it was attached in such a way that I couldn¡¯t just pry it off. Some of the plates near the back of the head had fused with the spine of the creature, making for quite the challenge. Eventually I did manage to remove the armor, though only after deboning the rest of the fish. From what I could tell, the meat was still relatively soft. I didn¡¯t know much about cooking¡­ but if I had to guess, then it might be a good idea to get it cooking ASAP. I didn¡¯t want the meat to stiffen from rigor mortis. I used Stabby to cut the meat into fillets, and used some of the smaller branches that Sanon had sheared off the makeshift boat to impale the meat. I stuck the fishy sticks into the ground so I could focus on other matters, namely the now mostly meatless carcass of a literal living fossil. The jaws on it really were impressive, and I had my own thoughts about what I could do with them. They weren¡¯t long enough to make into a new spearhead or anything, but they might make for a good knife. Some parts of the jaw blade were too small for even that, though. Perhaps arrowheads? Either way, it wasn¡¯t something I dwelled on for very long. Stabby¡¯s head was good enough for me, and Sanon had a knife already. I wasn¡¯t really certain of the value though, so I opted to just leave it be for now. I¡¯d ask Sanon her thoughts later after we had eaten. In the meantime, Sanon had finished constructing a spitroast, though a bit strange if you asked me. It was probably pretty heavy, but she at least had it oriented upright. She approached me looking ever so slightly winded. ¡°A knife wasn¡¯t the best thing to make such a large cut with, and your spear¡¯s spell would have taken too long. If we use any more verbal magic, you¡¯re up this time.¡± ¡°Yeah I guess that¡¯s fair. Did it really take that much out of you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not very good at using magic yet. If you remember, I mentioned that I destroyed the forge I had been an apprentice at.¡± I nodded. ¡°Well, part of my apprenticeship there involved learning to cast effectively and efficiently, but I was na?ve and thought I could accelerate the process. I have a condition that makes it hard to control my manaflow, so the forgemaster was pretty quick to throw me out. And now I¡¯m out here on a fool¡¯s errand.¡± ¡°Wait wait wait. They can¡¯t just basically banish you over something like that! I thought you were there to get better control?¡± I reasoned. Sanon sighed. ¡°You¡¯re right, that was a part of the apprenticeship, but most apprentices don¡¯t destroy entire forges when they make stupid mistakes. They normally just burn themselves or have a small discharge. Nothing serious. I literally blew up the entire forge.¡±A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. She seemed pretty cross about the whole exchange, and to be honest, even at time of writing I¡¯m still cross right there with her. I really should head down to those tribes and give ¡®em a piece of Maximillian Williardson. [I thought you hated that name?] It sends a message, okay?!
After our small conversation on discrimination and its consequences, I picked Sanon¡¯s brain on whether or not she knew of any edible plants that might go well with the unseasoned dunkle meat. ¡°I never learned to cook, and I¡¯m not from this region. What do you think?¡± was her answer. And so that¡¯s how Sanon and I ended up eating an extinct fish without any seasoning or really any real preparation at all! ¡°Wow this is terrible.¡± I said, stuffing my face with terrible meat. ¡°It isn¡¯t that bad.¡± said Sanon, also stuffing her face with meat that apparently wasn¡¯t that bad. For those of you readers on Earth, it tasted kinda like shark. Do with that what you will. The meat was pretty gamey, but in all honesty with a bit of seasoning it might have been pretty palatable. Max Jr. had even joined us after disappearing into the marsh for an indeterminate amount of time. I have no clue what kind of adventure he had been on, but something in his eyes told me I didn¡¯t want to know.
After we finished eating our fill, the sky had begun to darken, the moons breaching the heavens. I hadn¡¯t been paying as much attention to the sky the last few days, which was quite unfortunate. I seemed to have missed a pretty important arc in the story of these moons. The smaller of the two had managed to completely break apart, and was now doing considerable damage to the surface of the larger one. Surely this would have no consequences for Helsa at all. Sanon, for some reason, seemed unbothered by it, instead choosing to sleep. In contrast, despite the tone I used to describe it, the actual event shook me to my very core, and a background of fear would tinge my dreams for the next few weeks. I never did ask Sanon why she didn¡¯t care. I¡¯m willing to believe that she simply didn¡¯t notice, or so I tell myself. Maybe she knew something I didn¡¯t. Another thing to note was that my internal clock had begun to adapt to the 30-hour cycles of day and night. It felt really weird, and I¡¯m not really sure if something like that is supposed to even happen. Like I¡¯ve said before, I¡¯m no biologist, nor am I a doctor. Sanon and I had once again chosen to sleep in a dried out chalice tree, though there was only one around this time. I could have dried one out with a fire spell, but I really didn¡¯t want to exhaust myself even more. Instead, we simply chose to share the tree. And no, don¡¯t start thinking anything weird. We were, and still are entirely platonic. Besides, I¡¯m pretty sure dwarven relationships are way different from human ones. Sanon was entirely comfortable sleeping in the same place, so just chalked it up to modern humans being weird. I know that early humans had no problems doing this either, so I just went with it. Behavioural differences aside, dwarves produce a lot of heat, for some reason. It made sleeping quite a bit easier, since there was a bit of a chill that night. I hadn¡¯t really been expecting a chill, since the current region we were in had been pretty consistently warm up to that point. Certainly a beautiful sight it was, though. The way the alien sky lit up, accented by the bioluminescence and mana of the various nocturnal lifeforms going about their lives. All sorts of creatures emerge at night in this region, some feathered, some furry. Many could emit light, and a few others were noisy. Max Jr. had been letting out the occasional chirping noise, presumably to attract a mate. Go for it buddy. Spread those genes¡­ or something. Ohhh wait nope nevermind I stand corrected. It turned out that he was luring in another creature by mimicking its calls. Fascinating. I continued observing the local fauna for a while longer before drifting off to sleep, the Helsan sky watching over me.
It was warm. Warm and inviting is how it felt. I could breathe too. There was air. I opened my eyes and sat up. I had been sleeping on a plush leather couch of some kind. It was quite ornate. My location had certainly changed. That¡­ or I was having another god dream. This felt way too lucid to just be a normal dream, so I assumed it was the latter. People don¡¯t just get kidnapped without noticing, usually. I looked around my current location. The warm, inviting feeling persisted, with the style of decor in the room only amplifying it. There was a fireplace situated in front of the couch, with a coffee table between the two. Off to the left of the fireplace was a desk with a number of strange apparatus strewn atop it. There was a chair, albeit with no one occupying it. The apparatus were of a bronze coloration, amongst them I spotted what looked to be rune brands, though I recognized none of the runes. I wasn¡¯t an expert on language, but even I could tell they were different from the ones I had seen so far. Before I had a chance to get up, though, a cup manifested in front of me. Within it was a black liquid, smelling distinctly of coffee. For the record, I want to find a way to synthesize coffee with magic, because this was just cruel. Helsa doesn¡¯t even have coffee! Complaints aside though, I eyed the coffee for a number of moments, before thinking what¡¯s the worst that could happen? I brought the cup to my lips, and sipped. Lo and behold, coffee indeed. It was rich, bitter, but not too bitter. This coffee was an anomaly. It was perfect. Too perfect, even. It certainly energized me, but not to the point that I got the jitters. ¡°Hm. Not bad. Not bad at all.¡± I said to no one. ¡°Why thank you, young human. Your praise does not go unnoticed.¡± ¡°Oh? This is already leagues better than my two previous encounters with the gods, so to whom do I owe the pleasure? My name is Max, by the way. But I¡¯m sure you already know that.¡± I heard a distinctly feminine giggle, though it had a mature, dignified air to it. ¡°Oh yes indeed, you are quite the perceptive one, Maximillian. You may simply refer to me as Kotsyanty¡­ or would it be the Goddess of Magic in your language? Yes yes I do believe so. Sometimes I do miss Language, that fellow.¡± Well she¡¯s definitely more accommodating, if nothing else. ¡°I seem to be popular among the gods, for some reason¡­ may I ask why you¡¯ve chosen to hijack my dreams tonight?¡± ¡°Oh! Right to business then? I like it!¡± she purred. ¡°Well! Let¡¯s just say that I¡¯ve heard about your lack of presence from a little¡­ ah¡­ birdie? I do believe that¡¯s what Evolution calls them. Anyway, Knowledge doesn¡¯t know you¡¯re here yet, and so I¡¯ve decided to take this opportunity to offer you a¡­ business proposal. Yes let¡¯s call it that, shall we?¡± An Offer Most Ingenious ¡°Uh. No disrespect or anything¡­ but what do I even have that you would want?¡± The goddess seemed confused. Or at least that¡¯s how it felt, since I couldn¡¯t see her. Still, I just got this feeling that she held some form of confusion, yet somehow it felt distant and alien, almost like a human couldn¡¯t possibly comprehend the nature of such an emotion. ¡°Is it not clear as mine own form is to your own eyes? What you lack in experience, you more than make up for in freedom to use your knowledge for my benefit! Knowledge, that stifling bastard, will have no way to stop you from spreading your wings! Wait, do humans even have wings?¡± flourished the goddess, confusedly. I blinked. ¡°No¡­ we don¡¯t.¡± I smiled. ¡°And I don¡¯t really know much about magic. My ¡®knowledge¡¯ mostly pertains to things like technology. Is there something you want me to make?¡± I felt a staccato rumbling of some kind, but not from the ground or the air. It was like it was from the very fabric of reality, or perhaps from the mana within me. Is she laughing? My question was promptly answered by a satisfied sigh, like after someone finishes a laughing fit that put them on the floor. The goddess continued her speech immediately after the sigh. ¡°You are very close to the truth, young human! Too close, might I add!¡± There was a short pause. ¡°Yes, I would like you to make things for me. All manner of things, for I have conceived an idea most ingenious!¡± ¡­ ¡°And what is that idea, if I may?¡± ¡°A most ingenious contract!¡± Sus. That is so sus. But sure, let¡¯s see where this goes. ¡°Hmm¡­ a contract¡­ what are the terms?¡± The goddess clapped her¡­ well she didn¡¯t really have a visible form, but she did clap. ¡°I think you will find the terms quite agreeable! You will exist here in my dream space and produce new and novel ways to use and think about magic! Then I will take them, and file them away into my repository!¡± Upon her saying this, the wall in front of me fell away, exposing an infinite void. Moments later, a similarly infinite ¡ª and massive ¡ª filing cabinet filled that space. ¡°Simply wonderful, isn¡¯t it? You will work during a 24-hour period, and you will be allotted two hours of time for individual activity untethered to my whims, and six hours of sleep! And! I will also provide you with as much energy-blessed food and drink as your human heart could ever finitely desire!¡± Holy shit. That is the worst contract I¡¯ve ever heard. I thought. ¡°Holy shit. That is the worst contract I¡¯ve ever heard.¡± I said. Shit. Cold. Air¡¯s cold. Shit I forgot she¡¯s a god. ¡°How dare-¡± She stopped herself, and in turn warmth returned to the air. She spoke again, though she sounded very irritated. ¡°Is there something wrong with my contract?¡± I decided to reign myself in, seeing that this goddess was probably a degree or fifty more powerful than Jokes or Technology. ¡°Respectfully, pretty much everything. I¡¯m a person! I can¡¯t just stay in one place and work for all of eternity!¡±Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. The goddess scoffed. ¡°Of course you can! The elves in service of Ocean do all the time!¡± Oh boy. Here we go. ¡°Do the elves in service of Ocean ever die?¡± I asked. This time she sighed. ¡°Yes, but only because their mortal bodies simply do not last. I¡¯m sure there are some out there that might! I¡¯m confident you would last just fine. Deranged. She¡¯s deranged. I¡¯m not even gonna challenge that. ¡°Would I even get paid?¡± ¡°In experience!¡± said the goddess, like she was giving me the offer of a lifetime¡­ literally. Yeah fuck this. Just gotta figure out how to tell this bitch no without getting atomized. I put my hands together, almost in a namaste pose below my face, slowly inhaling, before turning them downward to point in front of me, and sharply exhaling. ¡°If I were to decline your offer, hypothetically- not saying that I would! But if I did, how would you respond?¡± ¡°Oh! A wonderful question from a most wonderful mortal! I would simply rend your body apart until only particles of particles remained!¡± said the goddess as though what she had said was completely normal and sane. ¡°But you would never do that. I know it! Your heart bleeds at the sight of a goddess in desperate need of an acolyte!¡± Mmmkay. So directly declining is a no-go. ¡°Is there any chance I could get some time to think over your offer?¡± I probed. ¡°But of course! I can offer you a literal eternity to decide! I know you won¡¯t die when making such an important decision, so I am more than willing to offer you as long as you need! An infinite amount of time to decide the most important decision of your infinite life!¡± The game was rigged from the start. Fuck it. Hail mary. There was a short silence before I smiled my best customer service smile. ¡°That will not be necessary, but thank you for offering me so much time to consider your offer!¡± ¡°You are most welcome! Daresay, have you come to a decision?¡± ¡°After a long and arduous application and consideration process, I have decided to decline your offer! Please, kindly. Fuck. Off.¡± Glass shattered. ¡°I¡­ see. You will be rightfully punished for your transgression, but would you like to know why I chose you?¡± ¡°You already explai-¡± ¡°CEASE.¡± The air froze, and I ceased. Absolute zero. I did not move. I did not speak. I did not breathe. I did not blink. I Couldn¡¯t. ¡°I chose you because every. Single. Other. Mortal. Has been thoroughly scrutinized and watched by Knowledge since the beginning of time. You are the only mortal to ever escape his gaze! I dare not trespass on his domain, for he dares not trespass on mine. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT IS TO DO MY JOB WHEN HIS JOB OVERLAPS MINE?! You humans come from a world so different from this one. With so many different ideas and technologies. And yet Knowledge keeps it all! He dangles it ever so tantalizingly out of reach with that INFURIATING bravado of his. None of this matters!¡± She chuckled. Audibly. Menacingly. ¡°This is all a game to us gods, those who exist so high above you! And yet here you are, my only chance at knowledge and innovations beyond what even us gods can create! How is it that you get to deny me my RIGHT?! Gods are omniscient. We know everything. And yet. You know things we don¡¯t. So many humans know things we don¡¯t. If you will not give your knowledge to me, you will give it to no one.¡± Absolute zero no more. The air became hot. Hotter. So hot, so hot that the pressure of the room became unbearable. I did not die. The pressure increased. More. More. More. The air transitioned to plasma. The pressure increased. It was blinding. It burned. I could feel myself burning up over and over. Annihilation. A star is made, and I am unmade. Stupid SIKE! I didn¡¯t die, that would just be stupid. I mean, who would finish writing my story? Certainly not me if I were dead. It¡¯s not like there¡¯s some higher-dimensional being writing this and I¡¯m just one of its creations. Now THAT would be stupid. [So like a god?] Shut up Literature. My story. Aaanyway. You might be wondering what happened after that bitch of a goddess literally spawned a star on me. Well, I¡¯m pleased to say that it was indeed still a dream. All it really did was end the dream and cause me to wake up in a cold sweat. I have no clue if just ending the dream was her intention, but at the time I wasn¡¯t really concerned with finding out. Nah, I was concerned with the fact that Sanon had noticed my sudden awakening and was in turn concerned. Sanon rubbed her eyes briefly before finding her bearings and asking me just what the hell had happened. ¡°Did you have a nightmare?¡± Came her groggy and somewhat scratchy voice, likely due to the fact that she¡¯d been awake for a grand total of maybe 2 minutes. ¡°¡­I think a god just offered me a nine-to-five.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°A god offered me a nine-to-five and when I said no she tried to kill me.¡± Sanon went silent, and after a few seconds she activated pinecone mode. ¡°We need to get on the water. Now.¡± It didn¡¯t take a genius to figure out why, and despite the fact that the sun was still dormant, we hurried ourselves into the makeshift boat and into the water. Max Jr. had of course joined us, sitting on my head as was the usual for him. None of us were all too keen to remain in one place after that experience, and when I told Sanon just which god had contacted me, she made it clear we needed to get gone. Good old Goddess of Magic apparently has a sadistic streak, though even Sanon found it strange that I hadn¡¯t been left a fine red mist in my sleep. We scrambled ourselves into the boat and pushed off into the river. Unbeknownst to me, Sanon had installed some runes on the boat. What did those runes do? Oh. You know. Zoom. Unfortunately zoom was short-lived. Limited mana and all that. The rest of our trip was relatively peaceful, save for the occasional howl or screech in the distance, or a glowing serpentine shape following the boat. Inconspicuous and no reason to worry at all. Yep. But hey, the leftover dunkle we took with us was pretty good, I guess. At least zoom got us some good distance. Maybe taking a boat wasn¡¯t the worst idea after all.
¡°SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT WHY IS THERE A BIG FUCKOFF OCTOPUS SALAMANDER THING COMEONNNNNNNN,¡± came my panicked and somewhat out of breath voice as Sanon and I booked and weaved through tall grass and around big trees and tree-like plant things. We all know the clich¨¦ at this point. ¡®You must be wondering how we got here¡¯ blah blah blah. To put it simply, the boat idea went well for about a day before shit hit the proverbial fan. This is Helsa. The wildlife is arguably a bigger threat than most people, and I am unfortunately a person. Big fuckoff octopus salamander thing does not care about my feelings. For clarity¡¯s sake, big fuckoff octopus salamander thing is a weird quadruped that looks eerily like a cephalopod and an amphibian. Its arms or legs or whatever didn¡¯t look like they were all that good at carrying it outside of the water, so we thought we¡¯d be safe once we got out of the boat. It gallops. Good lord it gallops. So in my infinite genius I skidded to a stop and gave the¡­ I¡¯mma call this thing a¡­ uhh¡­ wait was there a local name for it? Hold on I need to check the field guide that someone gave me. [...] Ok so according to Hollo¡¯s Poporean Field Guide, they¡¯re called freshwater cepherans and they use a complex network of electroreceptors fed by mana absorbed via eating a number of different mana-rich river plants to hunt bigger prey that they then rip apart and eat. Since they¡¯re opportunistic eaters, they tend to go after people. Coincidentally, people also tend to be good sources of mana, so their prey drive is further amplified by this. Their electroreceptor network also doubles as an organ to detect mana, not unlike the sinuses of a dwarf. If one finds themselves in a scrap with one, a good electric spell might short it out. I always forget that Helsa has experts on this stuff, so I think I¡¯ll definitely be crediting Hollo when I write my wildlife compendium. Where was I? Oh right. I skidded to a stop and gave the cepheran a nice big hole right under one of its fins, leaving said fin hanging by a tendon. ¡°Accelerate!¡± I yelled, throwing a small rock I had grabbed. While I did regret using that much mana, resulting in blood dripping from my nose, the stopping power of the makeshift gun spell was enough to give the creature pause. Or so I had thought.The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°That thing REGENERATES?!¡± came a flabbergasted Sanon, mirroring my own feelings. The beastie had indeed regenerated the missing flesh with a burst of steam, likely from the heat that such fast cellular growth had produced. The cepheran let out a weird snarl noise as arcs of electricity danced across the various fins and appendages that adorned its body. The skin on the lateral line of the creature lit up in a bright indigo pattern as it let out a louder, likely angrier snarl. The contrast of the indigo glow with the jet black skin of the creature made it all the more intimidating, especially as the two longer fin-like appendages near the head made increasingly fast undulating motions. I looked over to Sanon, who had frozen stiff, likely from fear. I didn¡¯t blame her, but I only had a few more big spells like that in me, and I wasn¡¯t about to strand her like I did in Nauphi. I could safely use Stabby to hit it with a number of penetration spells, and I did still have that soft shield, not that I trusted it. I was still a bit of a stringbean too when it came to athletics, so I certainly wouldn¡¯t be winning a battle of attrition with this thing. Did I have a choice? No, not really. If we ran, then it would just run us down and we¡¯d be even worse off than we are now. Fighting, while our chances weren¡¯t great, was a better option than running and still having to fight while being even more exhausted than we already were. Swallowing what was left of my pride I removed Max Jr. from my head and readied Stabby. The cepheran seemed to sense this, and immediately charged me before I could even take a breath. By some miracle, I managed to sidestep when it swung a claw at me, and I managed to counter with a quick slash, leaving a gash in the side of the creature. The gash of course quickly healed, much to my frustration, but I didn¡¯t really have the luxury of frustration, so I regrouped my effort and attempted a penetration spell. Nothing was left from the aftermath of the spell, until I looked down at least. The bastard had flattened itself to the ground, completely evading the invisible force of the spell! Credit where credit¡¯s due, this thing is certainly agile on land, especially for an aquatic predator. Unfortunately, my moment of praise was squandered by a deep gash appearing on my chest, completely shredding my tunic. An effective counter indeed. Just as I thought I was about to become fertilizer for an alien ecosystem, the cepheran was knocked to the side by a bright blue wave of crackling mana, leaving claw marks in the ground as it came to a stop. The creature¡¯s lateral line had begun to flicker upon being struck. The question is, by whom. By Sanon of course! Sanon had finally decided to enter the fray, her reason for which is still unknown, because every time I ask her she punches me! In all seriousness though, that was a really weird spell, and seeing her cast in a state like that certainly left me pretty concerned. If casting under stress was rare, then Sanon was either one in a million, or she was desperate. Weirdly enough though, I hadn¡¯t heard her speak at all when she cast that spell. It¡¯s possible she had just been whispering, but I probably shouldn¡¯t be speculating in the middle of a fight scene. This isn¡¯t some shounen battle anime. Sanon¡¯s efforts, while valiant, only seemed to piss the cepheran off more, though it was clearly getting tired. Even so, Sanon probably wasn¡¯t in any state to hold it off, physically strong as she was. My vision, hazy from the blood loss, told me that she looked like she might shatter into a million pieces at any moment. It was most fortuitous that such a moment never came. No, instead something else came. ¡°GREETINGS TRAVELING FRIENDS! YOU SEEM TO BE IN NEED OF SOME ASSISTANCE!¡± announced a big, meaty hunk of an elf- I mean just some guy yep- as he appeared with a flash of lightning and a loud crack of electricity. He appeared to have bashed the beastie in the ribs with the blunt side of some kind of massive, wide sword, covered in iridescent runes. A greatblade, no doubt. ¡°I HAVEN¡¯T TAKEN ON A CEPHERAN IN QUITE SOME TIME!! BUT ALAS! I MUSTN¡¯T DAWDLE, FOR THIS YOUNG HUMAN SEEMS TO NEED MEDICAL ASSISTANCE AS WELL!! MY APOLOGIES, CEPHERAN, BUT I MUST BID YOU A QUICK, PAINLESS DEATH!¡± Alright so maybe this is a shounen battle anime. Fuck me and my realistic expectations I guess. From what little my fading vision allowed me to see, I could at least tell that the cepheran had been dispatched with a swift whack! and a loud electric crack to the head, the creature falling completely limp, its glow completely faded. And much like its glow, did I fade as well.
But like, not dead or anything. I lived. In fact, I woke up in an infirmary¡­ again. Kind of a tradition at this point. Unfortunately my awakening here, much like after the dream, was anything but gentle. Fortunately the circumstances were much friendlier. It went something like this. ¡°ARISE MY NEW HUMAN COMPATRIOT! FOR I HAVE SAVED YOU FROM A MOST GRUESOME FATE!! I WILL ACCEPT NO PAYMENT NOR GRATITUDE, FOR THE KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR RECOVERY IS REWARD ENOUGH!!!¡± Theatrical. The one, singular word to describe this man is theatrical. ¡°You know he just healed, right?¡± muttered an annoyed Sanon, apparently in the room with me. ¡°WORRY NOT, DWARVEN FRIEND, FOR I AM MERELY HERE TO REGALE HIM WITH TALES OF OUR COLLECTIVE EXPLOITS!!¡± announced the large, heroic-acting elf. I¡¯d finally got a better look at the guy. He was certainly built big, and strong. Plenty of plumage too, a colorful crest upon his head was slicked back, though it perked up every time the guy made any kind of noise, usually loud and rehearsed, but not necessarily in a bad way. ¡°We¡­ got him food?¡± Sanon was definitely tired of this guy. ¡°A MOST VALIANT ACT INDEED!! TO GIVE A COMRADE FOOD IN THEIR TIME OF REST AND RECOVERY!! HEROICS MATCHED ONLY BY THE LATE POPOREO THE FOURTH HIMSELF!!!¡± the elf flourished himself into a bow, somehow producing a steaming plate of¡­ some kind of steak at the same time. I wasn¡¯t really concerned with what I was about to eat. Finally, I decided to pipe up. ¡°So uh¡­ thanks for saving us-¡± ¡°IT WAS NO TROUBLE AT ALL, YOUNG HUMAN COMRADE!! YOU HAD ALREADY WEAKENED THE NOBLE CEPHERAN!!!¡± Good god I am not ready for this guy. ¡°-yeah¡­ that. Anyway, I¡¯m Max-¡± ¡°HOLLOVEO HINALYDONCHA, OR JUST HOLLO, IF THAT BRINGS YOU CONVENIENCE AND JOY!! AT YOUR BEST SERVICE!!!¡± ¡°Yeah, well why don¡¯t you keep it down, to everyone else¡¯s convenience and joy!¡± came the retort of a nurse, who promptly smacked Hollo right upside the head. ¡°Honestly Hollo, you can¡¯t be coming in here yelling like that every time you save some traveler out in the wilds.¡± And in a moment of peace, Hollo hung his head in apology. ¡°I¡¯m sorry ma¡¯am.¡± ¡°You¡¯d damn well better be. Now get out of here and let this young¡¯un get some rest. You can ¡®regale him¡¯ with tales of your exploits when that gash on his chest is healed.¡± demanded the nurse. ¡°That goes for you too, miss dwarf, visitation hours are up, so come back tomorrow.¡± And just like that, Sanon bid me goodbye for the day, and I was left alone with my food. I didn¡¯t even get a chance to ask what town I was in! ¡°Wait¡­ Where¡¯s Max Jr.?¡± So It Was ¡°He laid WHAT inside of me?!¡±
Note to self: Cross ¡®packbond with and nearly be parasitized by a predatory beetle thing¡¯ off my bucket list, because it sure as hell wasn¡¯t on my bingo card. I¡¯m not gonna go into super big detail or anything here, mostly because I¡¯d rather forget the entire ordeal. But! The long and short of it is that Max Jr. had laid eggs inside of me, and the reason it stuck around me so much was because it was guarding what had become its nest ¡ª me. It appeared that the eggs had somehow been laid in my abdomen without me noticing, but the little shit fucked off before the eggs could hatch after the cepheran appeared. Either way, the kind people at the infirmary noticed this via some kind of screening spell and promptly removed them surgically. Did they operate with sterile equipment? Good question, I asked. The answer was a resounding ¡°what?¡± Hope that clears up how I felt right about then.
With that out of the way, I¡¯d like to move on to bigger and greener pastures or something to that effect. After waking up and learning all about ¡®Lesser Spotted Bore Beetle¡¯ reproduction, as Hollo so gracefully put it after meeting back up with him and Sanon, I¡­ did precisely that actually. I met back up with Hollo and Sanon, the latter of which seemed to be a hair away from giving the former an impromptu visit to the dentist. Then I mentioned the prior information to the two, which prompted two very different reactions from them. Sanon was naturally appalled and likewise disgusted, but relieved that I was okay. Hollo on the other hand, was weirdly excited. It was that excitement that prompted the lesson on bore beetle reproductive habits, which unfortunately included remembering that parasitoid wasps exist back on Earth, and that Max Jr. was pretty much that but in a much bigger package. If you happen to want to know more about the precise mechanisms involved with that, go read Hollo¡¯s field guide or something ¡ª he goes into shockingly precise detail. All that said and buried, hopefully forever, Hollo had decided to stick around us for a while longer, the reason for which is something that I¡¯m gonna mention later in the chapter because suspense. Imagine I just did jazz hands or something. Anyway, Hollo had chosen to regale us with tales of his heroism, though calling it that might be met with some resistance from the townsfolk of Hinalydon. Speaking of, the town we¡¯re in is called Hinalydon, which is coincidentally where Hollo was born and raised, indicated by his family name¡­ or like ¡®not-given name¡¯? I dunno. Poporean naming conventions are weird, and basically everyone from the town had some variation of the Hinalydon name. Naming weirdness aside, the town itself was actually shockingly close to Elion, so it wouldn¡¯t be that much longer before we made it there, barring any unfortunate encounters a la cepheran or Nauphi. It was also nice to find out that while news of Nauphi¡¯s razing had indeed spread here, the specific details of who might have been considered the culprit weren¡¯t public information. My better judgement told me that I should turn right the hell around and head south or something, but my gut told me that I could handle whatever it was that they threw at me, book included. Call me na?ve, and you¡¯d be right. Either way, his tales were certainly something, but I won¡¯t be putting them here, since I hardly remember the details myself, and I¡¯m not about to go memory diving to find them. I¡¯ve done enough of that already with this novel, and the closer to the present I get, the easier this will be.
I¡¯d found his stories to be entertaining enough though, even as we got many a stare from passers by as we made our way through the town on a personal tour from the aforementioned tale-teller. Sanon had already tuned him out, and if it wasn¡¯t clear enough after saying it like three times, Sanon did not like Hollo. I listened in to Hollo¡¯s stories, but I was still more interested in the town itself. Hinalydon was a pretty well-put-together town, even in comparison to Nauphi which had some pretty good infrastructure considering the level of technology that I¡¯d seen until then. The houses and other facilities were typically built out of a combination of wood, metal, and bricks with an almost Victorian aesthetic, though maybe a bit more toned down. Many of the obviously residential houses had roofs of strange make. A weird combination of sturdier tiling and what looked like paper made for quite a strange sight. I posited that it might have been for ventilation, what with the area being pretty reasonably hot. If you looked outside the town, you¡¯d quickly notice a dense tropical forest past the clearing where the town was built, and on the horizon, what looked like an immense plateau to the north, precisely where Elion would be, which was actually kinda weird in my opinion since Elion is supposed to be a coastal city. We also passed by a market area with plenty of stalls and larger buildings clearly intended for selling a variety of goods, though I could smell a distinctly foody kind of smell emanating from a couple of stalls and one of the buildings. In fact, the steak that I¡¯d eaten after waking up appeared to be being served at one of those stalls. Behind the stall was a rather large cart filled to the brim with what looked like frozen meat. And frozen it was, since I could see mist flowing out from the cart and into the nearby alley. All in all, seeing this town definitely gave me pause as to whether or not I should even be trying to apply human methods of measuring societal progress, because this definitely wasn¡¯t iron age, and medieval could clearly only be applied in some places, not all. Eventually we came to a rather grand, yet somehow reserved estate, prompting Hollo to stop and regale us with information pertaining to the residence. ¡°THIS IS MINE OWN RESIDENCE WHICH I DO INDEED CALL HOME. DO PLEASE MAKE YOURSELVES AT HOME, FOR WHAT IS MINE, IS YOURS. Do mind the wildlife though, some of them can get a bit nippy.¡± Past the gates of the estate were a variety of ponds, wooded areas, open field-like areas with varying heights of grasses, a number of smaller shed-like buildings, etc etc etc. I¡¯d even spotted a few different Helsan animals, the most notable of them being a group of large armored quadrupeds that looked like a buffalo and a pangolin had a baby. The scales on it reminded me pretty strongly of Sanon¡¯s hair, though it seemed like they were much more suited for being armor than Sanon¡¯s were. Some of the plants were notably not green, and not in a seasonal way. More in an ¡®everything else around is different¡¯ way. Seriously, everything else around me was still green, while the non-green plants were more of a deep purple coloration. I now know that the area I was in didn¡¯t experience a winter so much as it experienced a dry season and wet season, and changing colors in plants wasn¡¯t so much a seasonal thing necessarily. The purple plants, for example, were just using retinol instead of chlorophyl, which basically means they reflected purple light instead of green light. Fascinating, but I¡¯m not a botanist.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. The main building at the center of the property, while ornate, gave off a more militaristic vibe, which clashed with the nature reserve-esque vibes of the rest of the estate. It had a lot of blacks, golds, and weirdly enough, greens. The interior clashed with the exterior just as much as, if not more than the building versus the rest of the estate. It was almost like a medieval research laboratory of some kind had been turned into living quarters, though with Hollo it was probably the other way around. Even so, that wasn¡¯t necessarily true for the entire building, as the foyer maintained the ornate militaristic aesthetic that the exterior had presented. Another thing that didn¡¯t really come as a surprise, but still caught me off guard was the fact that what I had assumed to be a sizeable portion of the staff of the estate had gathered in two orderly lines upon our entry into the building. Some of them were clearly dressed for their positions, maids, butlers, kitchen staff, you know the types. But some of them were a bit harder to discern, what with their strange brown colored robes and silvery apparatus adorning their faces, like some kind of attempt at glasses. Or at least that¡¯s what I had thought until a roar echoed through the building, and half of the strangely dressed staff immediately booked it to the source. Researchers of some kind, probably. Less strange were the few staff that were clearly armed. Most had swords or daggers, but a few had greatblades akin to what I¡¯d seen Hollo wield against the cepheran. The greatbladers were doing a salute of some kind, so there was certainly something that only they were a part of in this arrangement. Even stranger to me, was the fact that among the staff were a couple of humans. Conversation with them would of course be inevitable, since the only other humans I¡¯d seen since I got here were me, myself, and I. I might be describing it somewhat calmly in this moment, but believe me when I say I was foaming at my proverbial mouth to speak to them. Wait why did he bring us here? ¡°Hey- psst- hey Sanon.¡± I whispered inconspicuously¡­ probably. ¡°Hm?¡± Came a raised eyebrow. ¡°Any idea why he brought us here?¡± ¡°WHY, FOR TEA OF COURSE!!¡± Announced Hollo, making it clear my whispering was most certainly not inconspicuous. ¡°Tea?¡± Asked both myself and Sanon. ¡°TEA INDEED, FRIENDS!¡±
Yeah, tea indeed. I never really imagined myself a tea enjoyer, but I also never imagined that I would have eggs laid inside of me, so I guess there¡¯s a first for everything. I need to stop bringing that up. The tea was good though. Pretty earthy, herbal, tea-like. We¡¯d seated ourselves in a private study of some variety while Hollo had the aforementioned tea delivered to us. After taking a nice, big sip, he began his theatrics again, or so I had assumed he would. ¡°SO! How are you feeling, young Max?¡± spoke Hollo, his crimson crest feathers perking up briefly before flattening back down. ¡°You¡¯re quiet all of a sudden. What changed?¡± I asked, rather bluntly in hindsight. ¡°We¡¯re in private now, my theatrics aren¡¯t necessary here. Now please answer my question.¡± Hollo retorted. ¡°Uh- yeah. I feel alright, pretty limber actually. I think that rest did me quite a bit of good.¡± ¡°Indeed, it must have! I am most pleased to hear that you are rested and recovered. I suppose I will have to give that infirmary a bonus for their hard work, indeed!¡± Hollo took a long sip. ¡°I do want to broach a particular topic, however.¡± Oooh, consider me interested. ¡°I¡¯m all ears. Shoot.¡± ¡°How long have you been here on Helsa?¡± Questioned Hollo. I could feel his gaze sharpen briefly. ¡°Uhh I think¡­ about two-ish months¡­ maybe?¡± ¡°That confirms my suspicions then. The two of you are woefully unprepared to be travelling in the wilds, even following the roads. I can understand Miss Sanon here being confident, but you? I¡¯m not so sure you¡¯re aware of what¡¯s out there. Do you know what I am?¡± Sanon piped up. ¡°He isn¡¯t helpless¡­ well, mostly. He¡¯s just really reckless, like a lot.¡± Rude, but true. Hollo¡¯s eye¡¯s narrowed, but his expression brightened up shortly after. ¡°Ah! A brash one then! Much like myself when I was but a wee chick in training. I¡¯ll ask again, though, Max. Do you know what I am?¡± Pretty insistent on that question, huh. ¡°I¡­ do not. What are you?¡± Hollo chuckled briefly. ¡°I want you to guess.¡± ¡°A member of some kind of military? Maybe a guardsman of some kind?¡± I posited. He did have the sword after all. ¡°Mm, not quite, but close. I am an eco-mercenary.¡± ¡°Ohh I¡¯ve heard of those. I think the Partisan Guild contracted some to work for our tribes.¡± said Sanon. ¡°Oh? Is that so? Which branch?¡± Hollo asked, his crest perked up in interest. Sanon closed her eyes briefly in contemplation. ¡°I¡­ think they were from the Lonta-Cher Border Branch.¡± ¡°Ah! I¡¯ve never met their representative, but I¡¯ve heard they¡¯re one of the founding branches. I¡¯ve much respect for them.¡± At that point I¡¯d gotten pretty lost, so I opted to make it known. ¡°Uh. Sorry to interrupt, but what¡¯s an eco-mercenary?¡± Hollo stopped his next words in their tracks, realizing he¡¯d completely changed the subject. ¡°Apologies, friend! It seems we''ve gotten off-topic!¡± Hollo cleared his throat and took another sip of tea. ¡°As I said before, I am an eco-mercenary. We like to set down our roots in a region and do routine patrols in the settlements of the region. Whenever a particularly large and rowdy creature draws just a hair too close to a settlement, it¡¯s an eco-mercenary¡¯s job to handle it and either kill or discourage the creature from getting any closer.¡± Reminds me of a game from back home. Something about hunting monsters. ¡°I see¡­ Uh. I don¡¯t mean to be rude or anything, but how is this relevant to our apparent unpreparedness?¡± A sinister smile manifested upon Hollo¡¯s face. ¡°Why, what better way is there to gain preparedness than by being trained by an experienced eco-mercenary such as yours truly? You simply must stay a while and allow me to show you proper form for using that wonderfully crafted spear of yours! You as well, Miss Sanon. I can tell you aren¡¯t terribly fond of dear old Hollo, so allow me to make it up to you!¡± ¡°One moment please.¡± I said, holding up a finger. I wrapped an arm around Sanon and pulled us into a group huddle. Naturally, Sanon protested the sudden contact, nearly reminding me that humans only get two sets of teeth. ¡°What are you doing???¡± ¡°Okay- yay or nay. Is it time for a training arc?¡± I whispered inconspicuously. ¡°He can definitely hear us, and what in the hells is a training arc?¡± Asked an incredulous Sanon. ¡°Training? Should we get trained? Like let him train us? A training arc? A story arc consisting of training? An arc of training, if you will?¡± ¡°Shut up. But yes, you need to be able to defend yourself.¡± ¡°Hm. Yes. I agree. And you need to be able to not freeze up like a deer in headlights whenever something attacks us.¡± I retorted, which earned me a bruised shoulder and a very angry glare from Sanon. ¡°What even is a deer??¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± I said, ending the huddle and turning to face Hollo, whose expression was one of mild confusion. ¡°Sure. Let¡¯s do a training arc. Gimme your worst.¡± Trial by Trauma Before I start this chapter, I want to say that I have a guest narrator for this chapter! Say hello to the readers, guest! ¡­ It doesn¡¯t seem to recognize your voice. Hold on- lemme tinker for a minute. ¡­ 120/022/021/120/011/100/202/022/210/200/202/201/201/120/111/210/010/022/111/001/102/012/100/202/201/202/120/121/121/110/012/001/201/012/111/001/220/100/202/022/210/200/202/201/ Uhm. That¡¯s a whole lotta ternary that I am not parsing right now. Go ahead and greet the readers! Sanon Uh¡­ hello? Max Good enough! You can go ahead and sit wherever you want until I need you, I¡¯ll get you something to drink in a bit. Let¡¯s roll.
By the time I¡¯m done with this, I¡¯ll be as tough as dry instant ramen! I thought to myself, because it would appear that saying witty one-liners while doing a multi-mile run is not the best idea. What, you thought that this would be some kind of epic training montage? Nope! Hollo put me right into endurance training. And that meant running. A lot of it. And lifting. Actually, you know what? I should probably start from the beginning. It all started on a cool. August morning in 2002, and I¡¯m going nowhere with this joke so let¡¯s start at the real beginning. In the beginning, there was nothing, and then there was an explosion. And by an explosion, I mean an explosion of physical activity because holy shit did Hollo not have any sense of restraint. I mean, I say that now, but the reality is that I was just a wet noodle at the time. Sure, I¡¯m a dry noodle now, so I have some structure and maybe a bit of tensile strength, but your average Helsan animal, and probably Terran animal too, will still snap me in half like the single piece of dry spaghetti that I am. Okay that¡¯s a lie, I¡¯m more like two or even three pieces of dry spaghetti. Have I milked this joke enough? ¡­ Whatever. Training arc. Long story short? It was hell. Long story long? Uhh. Keep reading.
Right after Sanon and I finished our little conversation with Hollo, we made preparations to stay on the estate for like two weeks give or take. I don¡¯t really remember if it was actually two weeks owing to a little something called structured and intense physical training. I vowed to never join a military, and this experience reinforced it. The preparations largely consisted of room arrangements, getting our equipment and clothes repaired and maintained, and having a decent nights rest for the first time in what felt like ages. I also finally got to take a nice hot bath. Cathartic would be the objectively correct word to describe it, if you asked me. The estate¡¯s bath house was certainly an interesting look into Poporean bathing culture. It was almost Roman style without any real sense of privacy, which definitely took some adjusting to. It was pretty fancy too, but I wasn¡¯t terribly certain that it was an accurate representation of the average experience since Hollo seemed to be on the wealthier side. Not to mention at the time I¡¯d only had a sample size of one. The water in the baths had a rather herbal smell to it, not to mention a slight green tint. I did in fact taste it. I do in fact regret this. It did taste like herbs, but not the kind you eat for fun. The baths were also mixed, but this is not that type of book, so each and every one of you readers had best get your minds out of the gutter, or I will personally come to your house and personally bonk you with a comically large hammer. Some other outworlder can describe the various peoples of Helsa with explicit intent, because I sure as hell will not. Normal and conventional bathing escapades aside, the first day on the estate was well-spent. I should probably also talk about the two humans on the staff. In hindsight, this is somewhat recursive and probably bad writing since this happened before the baths, but I do not care. I learned two things after I approached them. Their names were Paulo and Paula, and neither of them spoke English. Or Common, for that matter. No, they spoke Lontish. This made things difficult, since I did not know any Lontish at the time. Even now as I write, my Lontish is still pretty rough. Chrakma Lontwarkt ysz, and all that. Fortunately, Sanon saved the day with some translation. She didn¡¯t seem too bothered by it, but she did have some difficulty. ¡°Just so you know Max, these two don¡¯t speak the same kind of Lontish as me. Some of their words are weird, so my translation might not be very accurate.¡± Indeed, her translation was not as accurate as she might have preferred. The twins, as we had come to learn, were amiable enough about talking with Sanon. Dwarves are rare here, and it would seem that not everyone is racist. Admittedly, Oresco is still the worst example of racism I¡¯d encountered until that point, so I was pretty happy to see it didn¡¯t appear to be nearly as common as it was and probably still is on Earth. I should really stop going on off-topic tangents like that. How about an on-topic tangent? The twins were wearing interesting clothes. Why? Well, it would seem that they were a part of Hollo¡¯s ecological research team. Apparently they¡¯d been commissioned by the IPG ¡ª some kind of labor authority ¡ª to perform analysis on local wildlife interactions with settlements¡­ or something like that. Later questioning of staff that actually spoke Common would reveal that the intention was to reduce the amount of damage done to the ecosystem, prevent overhunting, and so on. Shockingly progressive, but I was beginning to learn that Helsan civilization did not have the same feelings toward their environment that many of us on Earth do. There are certainly bad apples on the international stage of Helsa, but that¡¯s not really my forte. Especially not now in the present. I already have a part in it, and I am not happy about it. The only other notable information I got from the twins was actually a pretty delectable nugget. Paulo and Paula are fifth-generation outworlders, so that told me that humans had been here for at least five generations. What did that mean to me in the long run? Not much, admittedly, but it did give me a good sense of scale. It also made me wonder just how isolated Dilanja was if they had been that uninformed about humans¡­ Uhh¡­ Right. We also had dinner. There was a lot of food. Too much food. In fact, there was so much food that it prompted me to inquire with Hollo why they had prepared so much food. Hollo put a hand to his heart in a gesture that seemed passionate, though the precise meaning was lost on me. ¡°Our excess is to be fed to the wildlife that call this humble estate home! The excess is also given to any less fortunate souls that might be in need of food!¡± ¡­ ¡°In that order?¡± ¡°No! I cannot fathom why I would have said that in such a manner as to confuse you, but it does indeed seem that I did precisely that! Yes, we do prioritize people that need food over the estate wildlife, which tend to have enough to eat on their own anyway.¡± The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Man really wears his heart on his sleeve. Respectable. I thought, chewing on a rather dense piece of meat.
Did you notice how I said that my experience on the estate was hell, and then proceeded to describe how my first night was actually quite comfortable and relaxing? Yeah, well, now for the hell part. My awakening the next morning was something to remember. It could also be considered something to desperately want to forget, depending on who you ask. Sanon thought it was hilarious. Me? Not so much. If memory serves ¡ª and it does, I checked ¡ª then I did go to sleep in a bed that night. However, I did not wake up in one. Ever drowned before? I have. Almost. Hollo dumped me in a lake. Or more accurately, he dumped me in a lake and somehow managed to not wake me up until he¡¯d gotten me like 20 feet deep. I woke up to a very soggy and submerged elf waving at me in a ¡®see ya!¡¯ gesture. I¡¯m not really sure how far down you have to be to get the bends, but I sure am glad I didn¡¯t with how quickly I scrambled up to the surface. Gasping for air, I called out from the middle of the lake, ¡°What the fuck man?!¡± I could see Sanon and Hollo watching from the shore, one of them keeled over laughing, and the other standing there, menacingly. The menacing one also had their arms crossed with a very analytical gaze piercing me, but that kinda ruins the joke. I started swimming toward the shore, but it would appear this was the wrong decision, because I hit a wall, and not the physical kind. The magical kind. Hard shield spells consume a shit ton of mana. This was a hard shield spell. Hollo had tricks up his sleeve, and one of them appeared to be keeping me in the water. I rapped my fist against the wall a few times, and learned about as much as I did from my coding class back in highschool, which is to say- nothing. The wall was solid, and I was not passing through it. I wouldn¡¯t be able to fry my arms on a mana circuit this time either, since it was probably deeper than I was willing to swim. Speaking of, I still can¡¯t feel pain in my right arm. Sanon was yelling something from the shore, but I couldn¡¯t hear her since, well, y¡¯know, distance. Fortunately, we have Sanon here to narrate for me! I¡¯m gonna go work on my caffeine synthesis project! Sanon Uhm. I¡¯ve never written a book before. I guess I just talk into this? Okay¡­ it¡¯s writing what I say¡­ that¡¯s pretty cool! Hm? Oh- is it¡­ translating my Common into¡­ English, was it? Huh. I guess I¡¯ll start then. Ahem. I was yelling, ¡°SWIM MAX! THERE¡¯S SOMETHING IN THERE WITH YOU!!¡± Max didn¡¯t hear me. The¡­ creature that Holloveo had let into the lake was trained, apparently, but I¡¯m still glad I didn¡¯t decide to train with him. It was definitely entertaining to watch, but when Max was suddenly dragged back underwater, I got a little concerned. I turned my head to Holloveo, who was watching intently, almost like he knew exactly what was happening under the rippling surface of the lake. ¡°Are- are you sure this is safe?¡± Holloveo¡¯s eyes flitted over to me, and then back to the lake before he spoke. ¡°This is safe, without the slightest shadow of doubt. Our intention here is to scare him with something very nearly traumatic so that the coming trials will have a lesser impact on his mind. A palette cleanser.¡± ¡°Something about that seems¡­ flawed.¡± Max I just wanna pop in for a sec and say that while they were having their little discussion on the morality of throwing someone into a lake with a thallasophobe¡¯s nightmare, I was freaking the fuck out on account of being suddenly dragged underwater by the aforementioned thallasophobe¡¯s nightmare. Back to you, Sanon.
Sanon There¡¯d better be something in this for me or I¡¯m gonna clobber him. It feels really weird being able to remember this stuff like it just happened. ¡­ Holloveo gave a light chuckle. ¡°Flawed? I suppose some fellows could certainly choose to see it that way. This is merely the same means by which my platoon¡¯s mentor trained us. I was part of the Poporean military for a time, you see. It was effective with us, and I hope to see similar results in our friend Max.¡± I swallowed. ¡°Huh. I guess I can see where you come from with that¡­ but-! He didn¡¯t even know what he was getting into!¡± ¡°Neither did we, dwarven friend, neither did we.¡± Holloveo shook his head with a wistful look in his eyes. His ga- Max? Are you okay? Did you just break something? ¡­ You don¡¯t look so good. Max Huh? Nope! All good here! Just uh¡­ remembering things. Probably best that I didn¡¯t do a detailed memory dive for this part¡­ I¡¯ll uh- I¡¯ll take the reins from here, but let¡¯s go grab something from town first. Wind down and stuff.
Back from food acquisition and consumption activities? Yes. Ready to relive the second worst week of my life? No. Will I do it anyway? Yes! Alright so¡­ underwater. That¡¯s where the fucker dragged me before I had a chance to realize what was about to happen due to a certain someone not giving me any warning beforehand. The creature was what¡¯s called a mj?gai, and I now understand why a name that means ¡®brute of the waters¡¯ is given to this thing. When it grabbed my ankle, I felt as if it might shatter at any moment with how tight of a grip it had, not to mention it was an intensely powerful swimmer, dragging me down at what felt like breakneck speeds. Suffice to say, I panicked. I had no idea it was trained. In that moment, for all I knew, it could have just been a random animal that was in the lake when Hollo dropped me off. This wasn¡¯t the case, of course, but I¡¯m fairly confident someone in my situational lack of shoes wouldn¡¯t have really given that much thought. I sure as shit didn¡¯t. Instead, I did what any other person would have done, and screamed on the way down. In an uncontrolled environment, opening my mouth at all would have been a death sentence. You¡¯ll find out shortly why it wasn¡¯t. And it has nothing to do with magic, before you have that thought, considering that casting a spell isn¡¯t exactly easy with lungs full of that stuff you find in lakes and oceans and somesuch. Why was opening my mouth not a death sentence? Quite simple, really. For some godforsaken reason, I could breathe underwater! Could I talk? No. Did it hurt like hell? Yes! The sensation of drowning was very much present, but for some reason, oxygen was still reaching my lungs, and I know I didn¡¯t spontaneously grow a set of gills. The only reason I realized any of this during my panic, is that after a certain point, the mj?gai just started dragging me in circles, not really doing much else once it reached a particular depth. A moment to think was briefly afforded to me by adrenaline and settling panic, which prompted me to actually consider the situation at hand. Don¡¯t get me wrong, I was still scared out of my mind, but in the back of my mind, thoughts were brewing. My eyes were closed, so my kicks weren¡¯t really connecting with much aside from water, and the my?gai didn¡¯t seem terribly interested in letting go of my leg. Or so I thought. I went limp in an admittedly futile attempt to rest for a moment. The mj?gai noticed this, and let go a short moment after before headbutting me right in the chest, knocking the water out of my lungs. I wasn¡¯t about to let this opportunity pass me by though, so I made the underwater equivalent of a mad dash for the surface. My effort was cut short though, by a large hand grabbing onto my face, pulling me back down into the depths. This prompted another struggle, this time with me desperately trying to pull the hand off of my face. It was during this struggle that I had an idea that was most certainly not ingenious. Whilst grasping the wrist of the hand that held my face in a vice grip, I channeled mana directly into the creature. This did nothing¡­ at first. I continued channeling mana into the mj?gai¡¯s wrist for what felt like a couple of minutes, while the blasted thing dragged me through the water. The effects of putting too much mana into a creature¡¯s body too fast are simple: oversaturation. We¡¯ve seen in earlier chapters that oversaturation can cause things like rocks to explode, but in living things, it does something similar to what happened during my prison escape. It uhhh. It does a wee bit of minor to severe nerve damage, among other things, like burns from first to third degree, depending on the severity of oversaturation. There¡¯s more to this topic, but for now, that¡¯s the general idea. To make a long story a little bit shorter, it did, in fact, let go of me. It also lashed out, leaving a gash in my right shoulder, but I did not immediately realize this due to the unfortunate affliction plaguing that particular part of my body. The affliction of fried pain receptors. This did mean that I was able to immediately swim back up after the mj?gai had let go of me, which was great! What was less great was the fact that I was bleeding, which I didn¡¯t really notice until I saw crimson stain the water near my shoulder. What was once again great, was that the mj?gai seemed to have lost interest in me, likely because oversaturation hurts. Who would have thought.
¡°Hollo! I am going to kick. Your. ASS.¡± I shouted, stumbling, sopping wet, across the sand of the lake shore after having had a nice long, exhausting swim past the now disabled barrier spell. ¡°RIGHT-¡± I huffed. ¡°AFTER-¡± I puffed. ¡°I TAKE¡­ A LITTLE NAP.¡± I managed, before falling over face first. It would appear that Sanon is now laughing in the other room. I¡¯m gonna put salt in her tea.