《Until the Blue Hour》


 Setting Sail

    Remy could never bear to be in only one place at a time. The present and the purely physical were too much to ask of her heart. She was crawling on the floor and reaching underneath store shelves, but only for a moment. After sparing just enough conscious thought to know what needed to be done, the conversations around her, announcements from overhead speakers and clattering of jars and cans on metal shelves faded away. She was no longer cleaning up spilled non-dairy creamer or looking for a package of coffee beans that had been kicked under the shelves because it was her job. She was in a place far away, cleaning up non-dairy creamer and reaching for coffee beans to do her part to build and support a home. She was counting the minutes left until going home to someone who was awaiting her return, not simply waiting to be somewhere other than at work. Infuriating as it could be, she didn¡¯t mind the work nearly as much as that it often felt as if the work was for nothing. As much as her conscious thoughts insisted that any point on the horizon would do, the feelings beneath them only ever seemed able to look in one direction.


    ¡°What happened? Are you alright?¡°


    Nothing caught Remy¡¯s attention more quickly than realizing that there was work to be done, and nothing disturbed her as deeply as finding herself the focus of someone¡¯s attention. Gripping the bag of coffee beans, she pulled it from beneath the shelf and slowly stood, wondering for a moment what had possessed her to find work where one stimulus never came without the other. Though there was no time for it, finding the answer to that question felt decidedly more urgent when she realized that she hadn¡¯t managed to catch the attention of one person, but a small crowd. She quickly cursed her talent for tuning out the unpleasant as she heard the backlog that had built up while her mind was elsewhere.


    ¡°Manager to register three for an override¡ª¡°


    ¡°¡ªhave a vendor at the loading dock that needs to be checked in¡ª¡°


    ¡°How can you be out of blue cheese crumbles? I mean, how do you run out of¡ª¡°


    ¡°¡ªhappened to all of the wax paper? The deli counter¡ª¡°


    ¡°Look, I know you¡¯re busy, but I can¡¯t find the bird seed¡ª¡°


    ¡°¡ªnobody at the front desk, and I need an exchange or a refund or¡ª¡°


    ¡°¡ªreally shouldn¡¯t have a dog in here. What if it¡ª¡±


    ¡°Jason¡¯s on line two. He¡¯s waiting for payroll¡ª¡°


    ¡°¡ªany more cheese samples?¡±


    It felt as as if it should¡¯ve been a moment of clarity as Remy stared blankly at the slowly increasing number of faces staring back at her. Momentarily paralyzed, she could only stand there holding a broom and the bag of coffee beans in the middle of the spilled creamer that she hadn¡¯t yet had the chance to sweep up. She was in awe, not only at that so many were competing to demand her full attention in spite of each other and Remy herself, but also that they¡¯d all somehow reached the conclusion that simply talking over each other was the best of their options. Despite the overwhelming pressure of the moment, she felt like a slate that had been wiped clean. It seemed like a perfect time to have a world-shattering epiphany that would lead to the solution to all of her problems and, in a perfect world, a new career. It was as if she was staring into the sky and watching sunlight finally beginning to shine through parting clouds¡ª


    ¡°Do you have any more organic tomatoes?¡±


    The moment didn¡¯t last. With the latest arrival and interruption, it became clear to Remy what had just happened when her brain finally lurched into gear and began processing everything she¡¯d just heard. Sensory overload was a problem for her that was just common enough for her to forget to be wary of it. On occasion, it was as if her mind just gave up on attempting to process more incoming information, especially when it flooded in so relentlessly. The moment she returned to her senses was always the worst, with everything coming into her conscious mind at once and threatening to overwhelm her again. In what felt like another lifetime, this would¡¯ve been a moment of despair.


    As the world around her came back into focus, however, she could only feel years of anger welling up once again. She took off her glasses, shut her eyes tight and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, struggling to simultaneously force the lid on her emotions and make enough sense of them to respond appropriately. The sudden quiet that followed made her briefly wonder if they¡¯d finally had a moment of clarity of their own and realized what was wrong with what they¡¯d done, but experience kept her hopes from getting too high and instead urged her to simply take advantage of the silence that surely wouldn¡¯t last. Without opening her eyes, she dropped the coffee beans on the nearest shelf, then reached into a pocket on her apron and produced a small radio. She inhaled deeply and, letting go of the last of her patience along with the breath, let her mouth switch to autopilot.


    ¡°Check with the produce manager for tomatoes¡ªblonde lady with a black apron. Cheese samples are going to be next to the deli counter, but give them a minute. They¡¯re restocking. Jason¡¯s going to have to wait. Yes, tell him I said it and that he knows why. That dog is a service animal, which is allowed by both law and company policy. Leave him alone. The customer service manager is helping another customer. Get in the line at the desk and she¡¯ll be with you as soon as she can. We don¡¯t sell bird seed. Wax paper is on the top shelf in the storeroom, near the corner. We have more blue cheese crumbles coming in soon, likely on the truck at our back door. Tell the driver to give me a few minutes. I¡¯m on my way to the front.¡±


    Remy felt the tension in the air growing as general unease shifted to stunned silence, but she was too drained to give it any attention. She quickly put her glasses back on and began heading toward the front of the store, but stopped short when she found herself facing Kate, one of the store owners and the source of the first voice she¡¯d heard. She stared blankly for a moment, struggling to set aside growing panic long enough to remember what she¡¯d heard in the midst of all of the overlapping voices. Judging by the expression she was getting in return, she¡¯d correctly guessed the current mood and she doubted that what Kate was seeing was helping. Remy¡¯s typical pristine appearance was nothing more than a memory; her long black ponytail and apron were both covered in white dust, her starched white blouse had been halfway pulled free of her black slacks, the knees caked with creamer. Her dusty glasses were crooked and just barely on, and her carefully managed mask of professional neutrality was too heavy with irritation and fatigue to not draw notice. The shock on Kate¡¯s face was slowly fading, and Remy felt guilt setting in immediately when that shock gave way to concern. Anger would¡¯ve been easier for her to deal with; there was a lifetime of experience to draw from. The silver lining was that the intensifying look of worry reminded her of what Kate had asked.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    Few days were what Remy considered easy, especially being someone who, in her own opinion, was most decidedly not cut out for her particular line of work. She was much better suited to having a set list of tasks that didn¡¯t require her to actually talk to anyone, but ignoring a call for help was as unnatural for her as customer service. The irony wasn¡¯t lost on her, but she¡¯d long ago given up on making sense of her motivations. When the previous manager resigned and it became apparent that there were no new applicants for the role, Remy wasted no time in making what she thought to be an offer of temporary assistance. The job was easy enough, and she had some experience as she¡¯d already been taking on additional responsibilities on occasion for the same reason¡ªthe previous manager found herself overwhelmed, and Remy volunteered long before considering the consequences. Being too eager had gotten her into trouble on more than one occasion in the past, but fears of being taken for granted felt more like an unpleasant dream from long ago than a clear and present danger. She¡¯d come thousands of miles and lost count of the borders she¡¯d crossed since then, and that fear was one of many things she¡¯d managed to leave behind.


    It took close to an hour to find a moment¡¯s peace. The plan had been successful so far in that she¡¯d managed to buy enough time for everyone to recover from the sudden flood of customers by picking up the slack herself and, now that things were quiet for the moment, she reluctantly admitted through her annoyance and exhaustion that it had been worth it. There was a general sense of ease in the store now, quite distinct from the expressions ranging from frustration to outright panic during the sudden influx of tourists. As Remy made her way into the back office and collapsed into a chair, there was a growing sense of satisfaction that she was pretending to not notice. As much as she told herself that she was simply fulfilling her duties and being responsible, that satisfaction was much of the real reason she took the job and the one thing that kept her striving for perfection. The feeling of actually working toward something rather than just working was irreplaceable and, in her experience, not easily found. After spending so long coming so far, she¡¯d finally found a place where she was needed. It was almost like feeling welcome.


    Remy took a moment to open a window and allow the early summer breeze to find its way inside. With the pine trees towering above in the distance and the faint scent of salt in the air, it wasn¡¯t hard to see why so many were flocking to the area now that, for all intents and purposes, summer had begun. There was a certain serenity to be found in the small seaside town that, in all of her travels, she had yet to find elsewhere. Hearing some noticeably cheerful conversation outside of the office door was a reminder that it wasn¡¯t just the tourists that appreciated the setting. There was a sense of warmth and cheer that seemed to be the natural state of things there, and something about the town made her heart lighter just for being there, even at the worst of times. Her darkest moments there were the result of demanding customers and staffing shortages, temporary problems that largely resolved themselves in time. She had no faith in her ability to attack her problems directly, but she considered her greatest strength to be enduring long enough to outlast them. That was one of the things she appreciated most about her new life: She¡¯d finally found a place that allowed her to play to her strengths.


    As she often did in quiet moments, she leaned out of the window and closed her eyes, allowing the warmth of the sun, the scent of salt water and pine trees and the sound of the ocean and laughter in the distance to overtake her thoughts. The only persistent troubles she had were thoughts of her time before this new life, and these moments of serenity allowed her to stay ahead of them. She appreciated every sensation she experienced, each one a reminder that she¡¯d finally found what she¡¯d spent her entire life merely hoping existed. There was only one piece missing, but she wasn¡¯t one for complaining that things weren¡¯t perfect. Life was better than it had ever been, and waking up to it every morning had become peaceful. This was enough.


    Despite how tranquil the moment was, Remy was far from leaving her previous life behind her entirely. There were still old habits lying beneath the surface, so deeply ingrained that they had become indistinguishable from instinct. They remained ready to spring to life at a moment¡¯s notice to ensure her survival. A sudden sense of dread crept into her conscious thoughts, cold tendrils snaking through her and wrapping themselves around the warmth in her heart and all of her peaceful thoughts. It was a dire warning that, though she was keeping ahead of reality, it was always lying in wait to ambush her if she dared to let down her guard. Her eyes opened and scanned her surroundings even as she consciously reminded herself to not allow the feeling to build itself into panic, fully aware that the things that triggered her in the past were most often truly innocuous in the present. After a moment¡¯s observation, she realized what had caught her attention when she heard several of the cheerful voices she¡¯d heard earlier drawing closer to the office door. Hearing the doorknob turning, she quickly turned away from the serenity beyond the window and, even as she worked to calm herself, her body went rigid as experience prepared her to endure once again.


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    Kate stepped through the door, her head still turned behind her as she laughed and spoke to someone in the distance. Stepping through the doorway, she turned and flinched as she saw Remy standing behind her desk with a hard stare in her direction. She gave a quick, startled gasp, then rushed to compose herself.


    ¡°You know, I remember being in school and seeing pictures of paintings of Joan of Arc that looked like that. Ready to ride into battle and conquer a nation at a moment¡¯s notice.¡±


    Kate¡¯s expression quickly returned to what seemed to be its default state, a cheerful smile and calming warm gaze. It wasn¡¯t quick enough for Remy to not notice its absence, and guilt once again rose to the top of her jumbled pile of conflicting emotions. Struggling to remember what made people comfortable, she rushed for words to fill the silence.


    ¡°It¡­can¡¯t be that similar.¡±


    ¡°I guess not. Your hair is longer.¡±


    Remy sighed as she collapsed into her chair again, already exhausted from the interaction. She recognized Kate¡¯s soft chuckle, an attempt to make it apparent that no offense had been taken. The best that Remy could offer in response was to pretend that she was no longer worrying about it. ¡°Listen, about earlier, I¡ª¡°


    Kate cut across her, clearly prepared for the coming conversation. ¡°Never mind about earlier. I saw what it looked like out there, and you handled it better than I would¡¯ve.¡±


    Remy couldn¡¯t imagine that to be entirely true, but she recognized the attempt to ease her mind and quietly accepted it with as much grace as she could manage. ¡°Any complaints?¡±


    Still smiling, Kate took a seat in one of the chairs in front of Remy¡¯s desk. ¡°None you should be worrying yourself about, if that¡¯s what you mean. You made enough of an impression for them to think twice about voicing any.¡±


    Remy sighed as she pushed her glasses down and pinched the bridge of her nose. ¡°Did any of them¡ª?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t ask, and neither should you. Stop fretting. It¡¯s fine.¡±


    ¡°And Jason? Is he¡ª¡°


    ¡°Shocked? Furious? Still waiting?¡± Kate laughed cheerfully, cutting through Remy¡¯s mounting fear. ¡°Yes, and he asked for all three. You were right, you know; he does know why. It¡¯s no secret that the store is understaffed and you¡¯re doing everything you can to hold things together. He knows what¡¯s wrong with what he did, and it¡¯s long since time he had someone hold him accountable.¡±


    Remy couldn¡¯t entirely make sense of what she was hearing. It was in Kate¡¯s nature to be a calming presence, but her words seemed too specific to simply be an attempt to make her feel better. ¡°Are you saying that Jason is the problem here?¡±


    ¡°Andy seems to think so.¡±


    Any easing of tension that had occurred up to that point was erased with the mention of Kate¡¯s husband, the store¡¯s founder. It wasn¡¯t at all surprising that the story had reached him, but Remy was hoping to have more time to come up with something resembling a rational explanation for her actions. Already drained from the conversation so far and the morning that led to it, her mind could only stumble as she raced to come up with one on the spot.


    ¡°I¡­I mean¡­did he say¡ª?¡±


    ¡°The same thing I did, almost word for word.¡± Kate laughed again, the cheer ringing throughout the small office and lightening Remy¡¯s mood in spite of her attempts to remain on alert. ¡°Jason did what he always does when he doesn¡¯t get exactly what he wants¡ªhe went running to daddy to make the mean girl apologize for giving him what was coming to him. Andy knows how hard you work, and he knows that you don¡¯t need someone looming over your shoulder and making you work even harder for no reason. He also knows that Jason is at least part of the reason you have this job in the first place. We were lucky that you were willing to step up and fill the role, and we don¡¯t need to find ourselves looking for someone to run this place again.¡± Seeing Remy¡¯s expression and knowing that she was working her way toward a counterargument, Kate added, ¡°People don¡¯t quit jobs. They quit managers¡­or micromanagers, in this case. Half of business school is ethics. How Jason managed to graduate without absorbing any of it is beyond me.¡±


    Seeing the sudden stern look on Kate¡¯s face, Remy took a moment to absorb what she¡¯d heard. It was definitely too much to simply be an attempt to ease tension, so she made a conscious effort to put aside her fears and take it at face value.


    ¡°So¡­Andy isn¡¯t¡­?¡±


    Seemingly to confirm that Remy had made the right decision, Kate chuckled again. ¡°Upset? Remy, sweetie, haven¡¯t you been listening? We¡¯ve been waiting Jason¡¯s whole life for someone like you to come along. You¡¯re the first one to get it through his thick skull that he¡¯s not always right and things won¡¯t always go his way. We don¡¯t have any intention of handing this business over to him until he learns that, and right now you¡¯re our best hope. In fact, Andy was just saying that he still hasn¡¯t given up on getting the two of you together.¡± Kate laughed again when she saw Remy flinch. ¡°I know, I know¡­he¡¯s not bringing much to the table right now other than money, and I know that¡¯s at the bottom of the list of things you care about. Andy knows it, too; that¡¯s actually one of the reasons he won¡¯t give up on the idea. He wants Jason to find someone who sees him for what he really is¡­though, to be fair, he¡¯s still got some growing up to do before that becomes more of an asset than a liability. You, on the other hand¡­even at your age, you have the maturity that he doesn¡¯t. Andy is hoping that can keep his ego deflated long enough for him to pull his head out of his ass. Hopefully it will be at some point while we¡¯re still alive to see it happen.¡±


    Of all of the things Remy had worked to learn about how to deal with people, one in particular that she still struggled with was taking a compliment. She knew that Kate wasn¡¯t embellishing; Remy had qualities that made her come across as being mature and responsible beyond her years and, at 26, that was particularly noteworthy to someone technically old enough to be her mother. In spite of the logic of the situation, however, Remy couldn¡¯t bring herself to simply accept it for what it was. The warm feeling that came from being acknowledged was alien to her, and it was difficult to not see danger lurking in the shadow of anything unfamiliar. More than that, experience had long ago taught her to be wary of allowing dazzling smiles to distract her from sharp teeth. It was difficult for her to recognize genuine sentiment, largely because she had so little to compare to it. Spending time with Kate was always a learning experience. In addition to everything else, an entirely different concern pushed its way to the front of her thoughts.


    ¡°I¡ªI mean, I don¡¯t know if I¡­I¡¯m not really the right one to¡­¡±


    Kate smiled kindly, though her disappointment wasn¡¯t entirely hidden. ¡°I know, I know. Being someone¡¯s mother long enough to make a decent husband out of him isn¡¯t much of a selling point. Besides, I suspect that you already have plans to go in a different direction.¡±


    Remy looked up, suddenly shaken out of her own thoughts. Kate¡¯s smile had turned slightly mischievous as she looked away, clearly refusing to add any clarity to her statement. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat do you mean?¡±


    Kate cut across her, pretending to not hear the question. ¡°Oh, that reminds me! I came back here to let you know that you have some customers that need help.¡±


    Remy¡¯s mind rapidly shifted back to her work, though she hadn¡¯t entirely pushed aside wondering how the conversation up to that point was relevant. ¡°Jade isn¡¯t at the customer service desk?¡±


    Kate¡¯s mischievous smile widened. ¡°No, she¡¯s up there.¡±


    ¡°Someone asked for me specifically?¡±


    ¡°Not exactly.¡± Seeing Remy¡¯s confused expression and her mouth opening to speak, Kate quickly added, ¡°Not yet, anyway.¡±


    Realization dawning on her, Remy¡¯s heart began hammering even as the rest of her body seemed to go limp. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat? She¡¯s¡ª?¡±


    Kate laughed cheerfully, all pretense lost. ¡°Here, yes. Just walked in.¡±


    Remy¡¯s eyes darted to the clock on the wall. It was just after ten, an odd time for this visit. The caf¨¦ down the road had been open for hours and should¡¯ve been preparing for lunch. Desperately trying to make sense of the situation, her mouth opened several times before silently closing. She jumped in surprise when she felt a gentle touch on her hand, not realizing until that moment that it had at some point closed tightly into a fist. Looking up, she saw Kate smiling kindly at her.


    ¡°Just go and talk to her.¡±


    Remy instinctively shook her head. ¡°She¡¯s just here shopping. That doesn¡¯t mean that she¡¯s here to talk to me.¡±


    Kate scoffed in a way that was entirely too exaggerated to be taken seriously. ¡°Right¡­and I¡¯m sure that she won¡¯t ask for help finding something that she buys every week. It¡¯s bound to happen one of these days, I guess.¡±


    Remy¡¯s mind raced to counter the argument. ¡°Maybe she¡¯s forgetful. Besides, there¡¯s a store full of people she could ask if she needs something.¡±


    ¡°Mmm hmm. And the fact that she never has trouble finding something until you start walking the floor?¡±


    ¡°Some people just go straight to management when they want something. It¡¯s not unusual. Saves time.¡±


    ¡°I see. And the fact that your conversations are ten seconds of groceries and ten minutes of literally anything else?¡±


    Remy could already feel her argument crumbling along with her resolve. ¡°Some customers¡­like to talk. Happens all the time.¡±


    Kate¡¯s smile didn¡¯t fade, but her expression turned to one of determination. She slowly stood, and Remy felt the hand on hers slide to her wrist and begin to gently pull her to her feet. ¡°Well, in that case, it¡¯s your duty as the face of this establishment to oblige. We want satisfied customers, after all.¡±


    In spite of herself, Remy stood and allowed herself to be taken away, feeling as if she was being marched to an execution. She knew what Kate expected of her, and she couldn¡¯t have been more certain that she wasn¡¯t up to the task. Even if she didn¡¯t fully understand her feelings, she was acutely aware of them. She knew what she wanted and, as badly as she wanted it, it seemed too much to ask. She had too many expectations to think it was fair to place them on someone who, as far as she was concerned, gave no indication of interest much less assuming that kind of responsibility. It just didn¡¯t feel fair to volunteer someone else to be a port in her storm. She attempted to counterbalance this by having no expectations, but Kate seemed determined to have them in her place.


    Had it been anyone else, Remy would¡¯ve put more effort into resisting, if not genuine intent. Kate had a way of instilling confidence, though, even if Remy was convinced that such confidence was misplaced. It wasn¡¯t in Kate¡¯s nature to leave Remy wanting any more than it was in Remy¡¯s nature to see her wants realized. More than the fact that Kate cared, however, Remy knew that when Kate wouldn¡¯t take no for an answer, it was because she was right. Moments like this often made her wonder if this was how having a mother was supposed to feel. Remy stumbled forward, pulled by Kate and pushed by the blind hope that she once again knew better.

 Across the Sea of Stars

    ¡°¡ªand more powdered sugar.¡±


    Lost in her own thoughts as her eyes swept along the aisles, Allison was only vaguely aware of the conversation that she was just noticing was carrying on without her. ¡°Sorry, what was that?¡±


    Lily sighed with a faint smile as she glanced back at Allison, whose eyes were already turning in every direction other than in front of her. ¡°I was saying that we still need panko, strawberries and powdered sugar.¡±


    ¡°Oh¡­right. I¡¯m looking.¡±


    While Allison¡¯s eyes were certainly busy searching for something, Lily was in no way convinced that it had anything to do with why she¡¯d claimed that visiting the grocery store couldn¡¯t wait. ¡°We also need to see if the first raspberries have come in yet.¡±


    ¡°Mmm hmm.¡±


    Lily fought back a laugh as she watched Allison establish a pattern of slowing her pace to a crawl, giving a furtive glance down an aisle, looking disappointed and then, after briefly checking ahead of her to ensure that she wasn¡¯t about to walk into anything, rushing to the next aisle. It was confirmation of what had been easy enough to assume.


    ¡°We could always just call for her, you know.¡±


    There was a brief pause as Allison checked another aisle and sighed with growing frustration. When she turned her eyes forward to make sure that the path ahead was clear, she found that Lily had at some point stopped and turned to face her. Startled to have suddenly been reminded of where she was and what she was doing, Allison came to a sudden stop, seemingly forgetting all else in the moment outside of having finally noticed what she¡¯d last heard. At the same time, they both reached out to stop the cart that Allison had been absentmindedly pushing in front of her just as it was about to run into a display of stacked paper towels. Scrambling for a plausible explanation, Allison¡¯s thoughts defaulted to denial.


    ¡°Wh¡ªwhat? Call who? Why?¡± Seeing Lily respond with only mock annoyance and a quick glance at the several inches of space between the cart and the paper towel display, Allison¡¯s dedication to her attempt at a ruse evaporated with a sigh. ¡°Let¡¯s just get what we came for.¡±


    Laughing in spite of herself, Lily stepped to the back of the cart and took it by the handle, apparently not willing to risk an accident again.


    ¡°Well, we could¡­but we passed the panko three aisles back.¡± Seeing Allison knit her eyebrows in confusion and turn behind her to confirm,


    Lily couldn¡¯t help laughing again. ¡°You know, the panko that you were definitely searching for when you were looking up and down the aisles like a wolf stalking a rabbit.¡±


    Allison clung desperately to her fading dignity, grabbing a roll of paper towels from the display as she stormed past it just for something to do with her hands now that the shopping cart had been taken from her. ¡°Never mind that. I¡¯ll find the¡­¡±


    Lily glanced at Allison from the corner of her eye with a smirk. ¡°Yes, mon chou?¡±


    Allison was again slowing to a stop and nervously peering around the corner of the next aisle, only noticing when the words to move the conversation past the fact that she was doing so escaped her. Against her better judgment, she nervously looked toward Lily, who was looking back at her with her smirk still firmly in place. Allison groaned, aiming it at Lily even though she was far more irritated with herself.


    ¡°Why the hell did we come in here, again?¡±


    When first applying for the position of executive chef months earlier, one of the things that Allison had been looking forward to most was being able to delegate the task of restocking the kitchen to someone else. It wasn¡¯t until the formal interview that she¡¯d discovered just how small the caf¨¦ was. The title was largely a formality and, while hers was the last word in how her kitchen was run, being busy enough to justify having a second pair of hands on the clock was relatively rare. It wasn¡¯t a deal breaker by any means; working in a tiny restaurant with an intimate atmosphere had been her dream, and the stress of giving orders to subordinates on a regular basis was nowhere near being worth the minor benefit of not having to do her own shopping. More than that, being given the title even as a formality felt like a miracle for someone who had only recently graduated from culinary school, and it hardly seemed worthwhile to complain about not also having a fully staffed kitchen that she didn¡¯t honestly want.  Still, shopping for groceries was far from her favorite way to spend any significant amount of time, even when only shopping for herself. She often actively avoided thinking about how much of her savings had gone toward having a service send someone to do it for her.


    Her stance changed quite suddenly on one of her earliest visits, though not in any way that she ever would¡¯ve expected. Eager to prove herself, a flash of inspiration for a signature dish led Allison to take advantage of some unexpected free time before opening and visit the nearest grocery store. Unfamiliar with the store¡¯s inventory and layout, running out of time before the caf¨¦ was scheduled to open and not caring for early mornings in general, the brief moment of irritation led her to wonder aloud about the store¡¯s supply of pomegranates in a far harsher tone than she¡¯d intended. Though the words were more for the sake of venting frustration than anything else and hadn¡¯t been directed toward anyone in particular, the desperation in her voice was enough to draw Remy¡¯s attention.


    Looking up at the woman in front of her who seemed to have materialized from thin air, Allison had momentarily forgotten why she was there. She had a weakness for beauty, and what she saw in front of her was momentarily overwhelming. For a long time afterward, she had trouble placing exactly what it was about Remy that drew her in; there were no obvious attempts to attract and, based on Remy¡¯s later denials of any ability to do so that seemed to Allison like knee-jerk reactions, it was genuinely unintentional. Still, Allison couldn¡¯t help being fascinated, and it took her some time to understand why. Her sharp and striking facial features and stern expression were the first things about her that Allison noticed, but that led to taking in her uniform, immaculate in spite of the fact that she looked as if she was keeping quite busy. The kneepads strapped on over her slacks, the apron covering her polo shirt with pockets filled with various equipment and the thick gloves sticking out of her back pocket all gave her the appearance of someone who, despite the care she took in her presentation, was not one to shy away from hard work. Her overall appearance projected strength and reliability, something that Allison would later admit she found every bit as attractive as anything else about her.


    A sudden moment of awkwardness shook Allison out of her daze as she realized she had been silently staring for entirely too long. Returning to her senses, she found herself noticing that despite her immaculate appearance and carefully composed expression, Remy couldn¡¯t entirely hide her exhaustion. Again, Allison¡¯s curiosity was piqued. While it was quite early, Remy seemed alert; if anything, she seemed a bit tense and anxious. Wondering what could¡¯ve happened so early in the morning to have her looking so drained, it occurred to her that Remy¡¯s problem technically hadn¡¯t presented itself yet. It slowly dawned on Allison that Remy was clearly bracing herself for an inevitable tirade from an irate customer. Thinking about it later, Allison reluctantly admitted to herself that the string of obscenities that her unintentional call for help had been laced with couldn¡¯t have helped. However accidentally, she had become the exact kind of customer for whom she herself had no patience.


    Having embarrassed herself several times in the same minute and with a growing feeling of guilt on top of it all, Allison had an overwhelming urge to excuse herself as politely as she could manage in the moment and never return. She intended to suppress it just long enough to attempt to make amends, but it quickly led to a fascination that caused her to set her discomfort aside in favor of satisfying her curiosity. When Remy accepted the apology while largely dismissing it, Allison took it as courteous professionalism masking justifiable annoyance. When Remy insisted on helping and a simple request turned into nearly half an hour of searching through stock, poring over shipping manifests and delivery schedules and contacting distributors, Allison told herself that Remy must simply be the type to dedicate herself to her work. When asked for a phone number, Allison only managed to remain focused on the conversation by repeating to herself that asking for contact information was merely among the responsibilities that Remy took so seriously. In spite of herself, however, Allison couldn¡¯t entirely explain away the care that went into her simple request. As important as it was to her, it seemed as if it shouldn¡¯t have been worth anyone else¡¯s time, especially that much of it. While it was true that Remy was doing her job and she was serious about her responsibilities, Allison couldn¡¯t help being moved. Remy was indeed doing her duty, but for Allison, it was something special.


    The regular visits began with what Allison managed to convince herself was a simple expression of gratitude, the first pomegranate cheesecake produced by her completed recipe. Remy was immediately flustered, looking as though she wasn¡¯t entirely sure how to process the simple gesture. Her seemingly impervious composure shattered in an instant, her mocha complexion turning a deep burgundy as she attempted to politely refuse. While Allison initially worried that she¡¯d somehow embarrassed her by making the presentation so publicly after having her called to the front of the store, the concern was pushed from the front of her thoughts by the sight of Remy out of sorts.


    Though she regretted having upset her, Allison couldn¡¯t stop thinking about how cute Remy could be when she let her guard down. Having only seen her stoic and composed before that moment, seeing her momentarily vulnerable made Allison¡¯s heart flutter. It wasn¡¯t just seeing a new side of Remy that made the moment special; it was also seeing something else that suggested that what was passing between them was also born of emotion and not just a sense of duty, even if only in small part.


    This was the beginning of regular visits to the store, always in search of increasingly obscure ingredients that would take time and effort to locate. Fortunately, Allison was always able to find ways to make conversation to fill the time spent waiting. She only barely managed to remember to maintain some measure of pretense as she began making trips to the grocery store several times a week, most often in the early mornings. The caf¨¦ had a regular supplier who handled their deliveries, but a trip to the nearest grocery store was somehow always necessary at some point between shipments. She started to worry that she was undoing the hard work she¡¯d put into establishing her reputation, but Lily didn¡¯t seem to have any issues with how her caf¨¦ was being run, saying more than once that an unscheduled purchase or two a week hardly outweighed all of her hard work or the increase in business she¡¯d brought. She was too perceptive to not understand what was happening and too kind to interfere¡­at least, as far as interrupting the proceedings went.


    As Allison continued walking past aisles and pretending she wasn¡¯t glancing nervously down each one, Lily stifled another laugh as she turned the cart and began pushing it in the opposite direction. ¡°This way.¡±


    Allison slowly turned, looking as though she was putting some effort into tearing her eyes away from scanning the nearest aisle. ¡°Where are you going?¡±


    ¡°We, mon chou.¡± Lily¡¯s tone suddenly shifted, becoming uncharacteristically stern in spite of its gentle lilting. ¡°We¡¯re going to customer service.¡±


    Even in her distracted state, it didn¡¯t take long for Allison to see where this was going. ¡°We don¡¯t need¡ª¡°


    ¡°We still need panko, and I don¡¯t know where it is.¡± Lily cut across her as she suddenly increased her pace to match her newfound sense of urgency. ¡°Time is running short, and people will be arriving for lunch soon.  Mari and Andrea can¡¯t handle everything by themselves.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you say that it was three aisles back?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t remember.¡± Lily¡¯s shrug was no more believable than her words, but she carried on as if she expected it to be taken at face value. ¡°We don¡¯t have time to search the entire store, so we¡¯ll have to ask someone.¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°I¡¯m guessing you won¡¯t just ask whoever¡¯s behind the desk.¡±


    ¡°As I said, time is short. It makes the most sense to ask the person who would be most likely to know, does it not?¡± Lily¡¯s voice wasn¡¯t entirely steady, making it all the more conspicuous that she was suddenly keeping her back to Allison.


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    ¡°This is ridiculous. If she¡¯s not out here, then she must be busy. There¡¯s no reason to interrupt her.¡±


    ¡°That doesn¡¯t seem to be stopping you from coming with me.¡±


    Allison glared at Lily even as her heart softened with appreciation. ¡°How does Charlotte put up with you?¡±


    Lily¡¯s attempt at a decisive and authoritative voice finally crumbled as her laughter broke through. ¡°I often wonder, myself. She just says that I¡¯m lucky that I¡¯m cute.¡±


    Allison gave an exasperated sigh as she rushed to catch up.  This was the first time that Lily had ever joined her on a shopping trip and, though she knew already that what was happening was for her sake, it was frustrating to have a constant reminder of how ridiculous she must look in the moments before she found Remy and had time to compose herself.  As much as a lifetime of habit was pushing her to attempt preserve her dignity, however, she was failing to see the point in continuing to deny the obvious. Nothing was going to keep her from missing an opportunity to speak with Remy, even if she was struggling to create it on her own this time. The best that she could do in the moment to satisfy the conflicting desires was to pretend that her irritation was with anyone other than herself, though she already knew that it wouldn¡¯t last long. It was impossible for her to feel any legitimate frustration with Lily for pushing her toward something it was obvious she wanted. Nothing was as rare or precious as genuine care.


    Standing at the customer service desk moments later, Allison¡¯s warm feelings were rapidly evaporating. She had been grateful for the opportunity to be pulled along for a moment rather than push herself forward but, now that the moment had arrived, she couldn¡¯t help finding potential flaws in the plan. She was too busy trying to keep herself calm to be more than just barely aware that Lily was saying something to the person behind the counter but, when she heard the music from the overhead speakers interrupted and Remy¡¯s name called, her brief reprieve from her own thoughts came crashing down on her.  Caught unaware, she was suddenly bearing the full weight of the reality of what she was about to do. It didn¡¯t help that she suddenly found herself the center of attention; Lily was smiling at her while looking quite pleased with herself and, though she was refusing to make direct eye contact, the woman behind the counter was looking decidedly excited about something. When two other employees with similar expressions came into view and started clearly pretending to busy themselves with merchandise behind the counter, Allison began to wonder just how poorly she¡¯d been disguising her intentions all of this time. Without thinking, her eyes darted toward the exit.


    ¡°I¡¯ll tackle you and hold you here until she comes if I have to.¡±


    Ignoring several stifled giggles from behind the counter, Allison turned her attention to Lily. She considered the matter for only several seconds before deciding that it wasn¡¯t an empty threat. She knew Lily well enough that, despite her tiny frame, she would think nothing of putting her in one of the many submission holds that Charlotte had insisted she learn and turn it into an amusing anecdote to start a conversation when Remy eventually came. She had a curious ability to be disarmingly charming at times. It made her particularly well suited to serving customers, far more than the usual duties of an owner that she was always postponing for as long as possible. No matter how much Lily praised her recipes or efficiency, Allison had no doubt that Lily was the true heart of the caf¨¦. Despite how much she trusted Lily, however, she didn¡¯t have nearly as much faith in her own ability to hold a conversation with Remy at that point, much less do so after suffering another humiliation.


    Speaking with Remy was normally much easier. With a plausible excuse for visiting at her disposal, Allison felt as though she could talk to her for hours¡ªand she would be more than willing to try if she weren¡¯t always minutes away from opening the caf¨¦ or being interrupted by another customer. Remy was quiet and contemplative, and she seemed to think nothing of allowing Allison to speak to her heart¡¯s content. It was initially concerning, making her wonder if Remy was only being polite. It certainly would¡¯ve fallen within Allison¡¯s expectations of the average person, exhibiting just enough manners to wait for someone to breathe before jumping at the chance to begin talking themselves. Instead, Remy followed nearly every pause with a question about what she¡¯d heard. Aside from Lily, Remy was the only person who made Allison feel as if she actually wanted to hear her speak without wanting anything in return. She often feared that she was monopolizing conversations, but Remy always seemed genuinely interested in hearing what Allison had to say. She offered her opinions when relevant, but she always steered the conversation back toward the next thing that Allison had to say. As brief as their interactions were, she found comfort in them. Once she¡¯d come to the realization that Remy wasn¡¯t one for ulterior motives, Allison¡¯s greatest challenge in speaking with Remy was finding excuses to do so¡­at least, until the night before.


    While preparing to switch to their evening menu, Allison had made casual mention of needing to pick up several things from the grocery store before opening the next morning. Lily often playfully asked why, deliberately provoking a hollow denial of Allison¡¯s true motive by pretending to play along while giving knowing glances. Having a somewhat legitimate reason for once, Allison explained that she¡¯d suddenly had an idea for a several new menu items with a picnic theme to attract the incoming flood of tourists. As they were already arriving in increasing numbers, she wanted to experiment to get the recipes finalized as quickly as possible. On hearing this, Lily¡¯s expression shifted startlingly quickly, suddenly looking as if inspiration had hit her, as well. She¡¯d been behaving strangely since, constantly making small and seemingly unnecessary changes to their daily routine for the rest of the day that kept Allison off balance and slightly behind schedule. Every time Allison started to assess damage and work on a strategy for making up the lost time, Lily would appear in the kitchen to help undo whatever damage she¡¯d just done and get things back on track.


    Thinking about it later, Allison was amazed that Lily had managed to disrupt her entire night without significantly impacting service. Far less surprising was the fact that by the next morning, Allison was finally getting things back to normal just in time for the slow period of their morning, her first opportunity to take a few minutes away from the kitchen to pick up the ingredients she needed. Equally unsurprising was the fact that Lily also had time to spare to help with the shopping, even though she¡¯d never taken an interest before that point. Feeling herself drawing near the fruition of whatever plans Lily had in mind, Allison¡¯s mind raced to make sense of what was happening. Lily¡¯s constant smirking and laughing to herself was entirely ordinary, again leading Allison to wonder how Charlotte could stand the endless teasing. More unusual, however, was the fact that Lily seemed to be steering her in a specific direction. While Lily often made vague mention of how holding patterns were not indefinitely sustainable, she wasn¡¯t one for forcing anyone¡¯s hand if it could be avoided. Unless responding to a specific question, she rarely went as far as giving specific direction, much less making outright demands. The more Allison thought about it, the more clear it became that there could be only one reason that Lily would suddenly take such an interest that she would insist on being present.


    Again, her eyes drifted toward the exit, only tearing them away on hearing Lily clear her throat. Knowing that Remy could appear at any second, Allison finally dispensed with pretense entirely. ¡°It¡­might be too soon for this.¡±


    Lily¡¯s smile faded, though she still didn¡¯t look particularly concerned by the shift in tone. ¡°Oh? Why not?¡±


    ¡°Well¡­how do you know it isn¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t.¡± Lily let the words hang in the air for a moment, waiting until the obvious question formed in Allison¡¯s mind before continuing. ¡°If there¡¯s no reason not to move forward, though, then why would you wait?¡±


    ¡°But what if¡ª¡°


    ¡°Aren¡¯t there other things you should be asking yourself?¡± Lily cut across her, refusing to allow whatever excuse was taking shape to fully form. ¡°How long do you intend to wait, exactly? It¡¯s been months. Even if you¡¯re willing to stand idly by, how long will she?¡±


    Once again, Lily somehow knew exactly what to say at the right moment. As much as she wanted to continue arguing, Allison felt a chill run through her as she considered the question for the first time. As intense as her infatuation had grown, it had never occurred to her before that moment that she may not be the only one harboring those kinds of feelings. While pretending that there was nothing more to her visits than pleasant conversation had made it easy to not be fearful, it had also made it easy to forget that there was something at stake. In that moment, her earlier worries paled in comparison to the new one coming into view on the horizon.


    Lily allowed the silence to continue for a moment before taking advantage of the opportunity to drive the point home. ¡°You¡¯ve never been one to shy away from a challenge, mon chou.  Trust me, this is not where you want to start.¡±  Seeing Allison look up at the sudden change in her tone, Lily underscored it by adding, ¡°Go ahead.  Ask me how I know.¡±


    Allison stared silently for a moment, deeply unsettled by a look of sadness that she¡¯d never seen Lily wear before.  Her smile returned, but too slowly for comfort.  ¡°Wait¡­do you mean Charlotte?¡±


    Lily nodded silently, her cheer returning in earnest on hearing the name.  ¡°It worked out in the end, but it was close.  I try not to dwell on just how close.¡±


    Allison thought for a moment, realizing that Lily was right.  In all of the times they¡¯d spoken, she¡¯d never once asked Remy if she had anyone special in her thoughts.  Fear of the answer always made her think better of it, but she cursed her cowardice now that she didn¡¯t even have any way of knowing if it was already too late.  Her heart sank, despair slowly settling in and making itself at home.


    As Allison¡¯s face fell, Lily¡¯s expression again became stern.  ¡°Whatever you¡¯re thinking, you don¡¯t have time for it.¡±  She waited a moment, holding until she saw the subtle shift in Allison¡¯s expression to indicate that she¡¯d again caught her attention.  ¡°What happened to the eager young graduate that stormed into my caf¨¦ and interviewed for the position of running my entire kitchen?¡±


    ¡°What does that have to do with¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Everything.  You had ambition, ideas and good intentions¡­and absolutely nothing else.  You weren¡¯t ready to run a kitchen; you were barely qualified to work in one.¡±


    For a moment, Allison could only stare in shock.  Since they¡¯d met, Lily had only ever spoken words of encouragement.  This was the first time she¡¯d ever voiced anything that sounded anything like disapproval.  ¡°Then why¡ª?¡±


    Again, Lily refused to allow Allison¡¯s train of thought to continue.  ¡°I didn¡¯t hire you because I thought you already knew how to do the job.  I hired you because I thought you were willing to learn.  You had what I really wanted: You cared about what you were doing and you were willing to work to fill in the gaps along the way. You knew when you first walked into my office that you had no business being in charge of an entire kitchen, but you knew just enough to be able to do the job. What really mattered was that you were willing to do whatever it took to make it work.  That¡¯s what made your love for the work and your ideas and good intentions mean something.  You were willing to do something with them. Understand?¡±


    Allison was again at a momentary loss for words.  Her entire life, she was always the prodigy with a reputation beyond her years who was never told no.  Even when those who once praised her turned against her for her choices, she¡¯d proven them all wrong by making those choices another in her long line of victories.  The mere thought that anyone ever saw her for anything other than her successes was entirely alien to her.  In fact, much of what drove her to work so hard for Lily was the need to build a reputation for success in a new career and a new town before her ability to attain it could be called into question.  She was almost entirely unaccustomed to having her worth being taken entirely on faith; the only other exception that came to mind was going to be approaching at any moment.


    After taking a moment to collect her thoughts, Alison finally nodded in agreement.  ¡°Listen, I¡­I mean, thank¡ª¡°


    Lily once again felt the need to turn Allison¡¯s thoughts in a different direction.  ¡°Don¡¯t you mind that.  Your energy would go to better use elsewhere, I think.¡±


    Allison sighed and gave a weak smile, stuck somewhere between feeling hopeful and resigning herself to her fate.  ¡°I guess.  I don¡¯t suppose you have any good first date ideas you¡¯ve been sitting on all this time?¡±


    For the first time in a long while, Lily looked as if she was beginning to relax as her playful smirk returned.  ¡°The weather certainly is nice, isn¡¯t it?  I hear that it should stay that way through the weekend.  Perfect for a picnic, I¡¯d say.¡±


    Allison¡¯s thoughts immediately turned to her new menu, the first time she¡¯d thought about it since using it as an excuse for the trip.  ¡°What?  Wait, no, the recipes aren¡¯t ready¡ª¡°


    ¡°That¡¯s right!  We still need that panko.  Aisle seven, I think.¡±  Ignoring Allison¡¯s glaring and annoyed huffing, Lily grabbed the cart¡¯s handle and began to turn it.  ¡°Oh, I nearly forgot to mention, but there¡¯s been a schedule change.  Mari wanted a few extra hours, so she¡¯ll be working tonight.¡±


    Allison raised an eyebrow, immediately suspicious.  ¡°Two in the kitchen in the middle of the week?¡±


    ¡°Yes, I need¡ª¡°  Lily stopped in her tracks, looking alarmed as she stared off into the distance.  Before any questions could be asked, she carried on without acknowledging the pause, a smile spreading across her face.  Suddenly looking inexplicably anxious, she began bouncing in place as her smile widened.  ¡°Never mind¡­there¡¯s no time.  Head back to the caf¨¦ as soon as she says yes.  We¡¯re leaving after lunch.¡±


    Not wanting to waste the effort that Lily had just put into getting through to her, Allison repressed the urge to openly temper her expectations.  ¡°Leaving?  Why?¡±


    ¡°On magasinerons.¡±


    Sensing that she was missing something, Allison turned toward Lily.  She often became difficult to understand when she was excited, leading Allison to wonder what suddenly had her attention.  Still turned away from her, Lily was continuing to look somewhere in the distance.  Allison followed her gaze, and the sudden jolt of surprise quickly made it apparent just how distracted she¡¯d been, herself.  On the opposite end of the store, a cheerful woman had Remy by the hand and was all but dragging her in their direction.  Just as panic was beginning to set in, Lily began moving in earnest, pausing only long enough to speak just barely above a whisper.


    ¡°It¡¯s time, mon chou.  Make it mean something.¡±

 We Will Find Serenity Somewhere

    ¡°Will you let go¡ª?¡±


    ¡°I will not.¡±


    ¡°Kate, listen¡ª¡°


    ¡°Nope.¡±


    ¡°I get it, Kate! I¡¯m going!¡±


    ¡°Damn right, you are.¡±


    Still being led by the hand through the store, Remy found her attention finally being able to shift from her fear, though it was really only exchanging one for another. The brief moment of being pulled by Kate rather than pushing herself gave her just enough time to reflect on her situation¡ªand notice just how much attention she suddenly had on her. Kate was well known for being the life of the party, so it wasn¡¯t at all unusual for anyone to take notice of her antics. Remy, on the other hand, was equally skilled when it came to being invisible. The moment¡¯s reprieve from her thoughts quickly made her aware that, in spite of the fact that Kate was the cause of the spectacle, she had somehow become the center of attention. Being dragged off had gone from benefit to detriment in an instant, but no amount of protesting on her part seemed to have any effect. Kate was determined to see to it that Remy arrived at the intended destination, stopping only long enough to dust as much of the creamer as she could off of her clothes and out of her hair. Her concern wasn¡¯t for nothing. Remy couldn¡¯t honestly say that she wouldn¡¯t have put her talent for disappearing into thin air to use if she¡¯d found an opportunity.


    Kate proved to be conveniently oblivious to the attention, still smiling and casually greeting customers even as she gave occasional threats to hoist Remy onto her shoulder and carry her if she didn¡¯t keep up. Knowing better than to think it was an idle threat, Remy sighed and increased her pace with reluctant appreciation for Kate¡¯s taking such a strong interest in her happiness. It wasn¡¯t that she didn¡¯t recognize the fact that Kate was acting in her best interests; it was a core aspect of Kate¡¯s personality to care about others, so it was all but impossible to not notice, especially given how much time they¡¯d spent together since she was promoted.


    Initially, Remy assumed that Kate¡¯s constantly checking in on her and asking how she was doing was merely an attempt to prevent losing another general manager. The previous manager hadn¡¯t left under ideal conditions, largely amicable but too sudden to not draw attention to the fact that it was coming right behind the last straw. Always quick to dismiss an attempt to form any sort of connection with her with a rational explanation, Remy came to the conclusion that it was nothing more than an attempt to ensure job satisfaction. Kate was nothing if not relentless, however, and Remy could only live under her assumptions for so long before being forced to admit that Kate¡¯s care was too consistent to be a matter of human resource management. As they spent more time together and Kate¡¯s concern gradually went from professional matters to personal ones, it became increasingly difficult to deny that it was entirely genuine. As much as Remy appreciated Kate, however, it was difficult in moments when Kate simply wouldn¡¯t take no for an answer. They were rare, but they always resulted in some sort of embarrassment. They always resulted in a positive outcome as well, though, so Remy tended to worry about it as little as she could manage. The discomfort was temporary, but the benefit was lasting.


    She couldn¡¯t help momentarily questioning the logic, however, when she was reminded of what Kate had in mind for her as they passed a familiar face. Hearing a gently lilting voice in the midst of an excited conversation that she couldn¡¯t entirely understand, Remy looked up to see Lily approaching and walking in the opposite direction, her phone to her ear and looking excited about something as she happily bounced with each step. Even more distinct than the voice and the occasionally incomprehensible speech was her appearance, the wavy blonde long bob, crisp white blouse, short taupe skirt and lavender apron that were synonymous with her caf¨¦. Though they¡¯d only come across each other briefly on several occasions when Allison had enticed her to visit with testing new menu items or a cup of Earl Grey, Remy would recognize her anywhere. Not unlike Kate, Lily seemed to have a talent for drawing eyes to herself. All but dancing as she pushed her shopping cart, she was surprisingly animated, even for her.


    ¡°Today is the day! J¡¯ai des papillons dans l¡¯estomac¡ª¡°


    They were nearly standing next to each other before Lily noticed Remy, something that Remy noticed had apparently caused some level of distress. Lily suddenly went silent and turned red, apparently unaware that Remy had no hope of following the conversation. Though she normally greeted Remy warmly, she instead gave a nervous smile and a quick wave before rushing off without a word. Being distracted herself, Remy only nodded politely before turning her attention back to the task at hand.


    In that moment, Remy decided that there was too much out of place all at once to write it all off as coincidence. That Kate was excited enough to drag her through the store in front of customers wasn¡¯t typical, but it wasn¡¯t exactly out of character, either. What was unusual was that she was so stern in insisting. Seeing Lily so excited caught Remy¡¯s attention, but it could be explained away by the fact that she was in the midst of a conversation about something and apparently happy about it. Harder to dismiss was the fact that Lily was there at all; when Remy thought about it, it was the first time she¡¯d seen her in the store. The one thing the two events had in common aside from being strange enough to be noteworthy was Allison. Remy knew that they were all connected, but she couldn¡¯t see how. All that could be said with any certainty was that something significant was taking place, and she seemed to be the only one that didn¡¯t know what.


    Just as Remy was working up the courage to demand an explanation from Kate, all thought evaporated from her mind as she was pulled toward the customer service counter and Allison came into view. Remy¡¯s recognition was instant, something so familiar that she needed no time to process the sight. The short-sleeved lavender chef coat, taupe pants and lavender ballet flats were as reminiscent of the caf¨¦ as Lily¡¯s uniform. The pastel reverse ombr¨¦ hair, however, a pale aqua gently fading into a deep teal and pulled back into a chignon, was entirely her own. Equally unique were her delicate features and small frame, something that always caused Remy¡¯s heart to skip a beat and repress an urge to reach out and hug her. Being looked up at with sparkling aquamarine eyes did nothing to make it any easier.


    Seeing her was always enough to make the rest of the world fade away for a moment, and even Remy¡¯s own confusion and fear lost their significance as her heart began to hammer away in her chest. As always, she had to make a conscious effort to collect herself, this time thankful that she had time to do so before she¡¯d been noticed. It briefly brought to mind something else that was out of place about this visit: She had never been called before. Allison usually found her, something that she had a surprising talent for doing. This was followed by more confusion as Remy noticed that Allison looked deeply troubled by something, a fact that immediately made Remy uneasy. Allison rarely came across as anything other than composed and confident, all but impervious to being bothered by anything. It was underscored by the fact that, for some reason, she had a roll of paper towels in a death grip and was squeezing it as if she was trying to wring its nonexistent neck. Remy was almost grateful for the added confusion. Attempting to unravel the mystery was just enough to keep her distracted from gnawing fear.


    The reprieve from worry came to an abrupt end when, instead of being pulled, Remy felt hands on her back gently pushing her forward. Before she could protest, she found herself mere feet away from Allison and the world faded away again, taking her complaint with it. Again grateful for the rare brief moment to collect her thoughts without having to explain her awkwardness, she took a deep breath and readied herself for another rarity. It was a sign of her true desire that she was at all willing to be the one to initiate a conversation.


    ¡°H¡ªhello, Allison.¡±


    In the midst of cursing herself for the noticeable cracking of her voice, Remy briefly wondered how she could be so unskilled in conversation as to already have managed to do something wrong. Allison jumped in surprise, her face going pale as she looked up at Remy as though just noticing that she was there.


    ¡°Remy! I¡­I mean¡­Remy!¡± Allison looked inexplicably frustrated with herself as she closed her eyes and inhaled sharply, her complexion quickly turning a rapidly deepening pink. When her eyes opened again, her usual bright smile was slowly returning. ¡°It¡¯s a fine day with you around.¡±


    Though still confused by the reaction, Remy couldn¡¯t keep focused on it as her heart began to flutter. As with nearly everything that Allison did, it made Remy feel lighter to hear what had become a standard greeting ever since she¡¯d unintentionally convinced Allison to play one of her favorite games. Adding to the effect was seeing how quickly Allison composed herself, something that reminded Remy of the first time they¡¯d met. As rare as it was to see her out of sorts, it was even more unusual to see it last long. No matter what flustered her, it never took long for her to get it under control. It was an ability that Remy envied, especially as she found herself struggling to say anything remotely close to being as charming.


    ¡°Likewise, as always. I heard you needed something?¡± Reminded of who¡¯d brought her here under threat of being forced into submission, Remy began to turn behind her. ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know if you¡¯ve met, but this is the own¡ª¡°


    As Remy turned, she found herself making an introduction to absolutely no one. Though it was likely a result of just how distracted she was, it was still jarring to see that Kate appeared to have learned her technique for vanishing without a trace. She sighed loudly and began pushing down rising emotions again, ignoring both embarrassment and the disorienting combination of frustration and appreciation that always came with dealing with Kate for any significant length of time. She only spared the time to glare at Jade on the other side of the customer service desk, causing her to quickly stifle her giggling. Remy chose to ignore the fact that it was continuing in silence.


    Close enough. ¡°I¡¯ll¡­introduce you another time. Anyway, you needed something?¡±


    Allison momentarily looked like a deer caught in headlights. Seeing her again lost for words, Remy¡¯s confusion led her to quietly search for context to make sense of what was happening. Tearing her gaze from Allison¡¯s face with no small amount of effort, her eyes eventually trailed down to the roll of paper towels in her hands. By that point, it had been squeezed to the point that it had largely been torn free of its plastic wrapper. Remy¡¯s look of confusion seemed to pull Allison from her thoughts and, following her gaze, she looked down at the mangled paper towel roll in her hands as though just realizing she was holding it. The pink tint to her cheeks became a deep crimson as she looked back up at Remy apologetically.


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    ¡°I¡ªI¡¯ll pay for this.¡± Stammering the response seemed to trigger something in her memory, causing her to all but shout, ¡°Panko!¡± Following Remy¡¯s raised eyebrow, she took another breath before calmly adding, ¡°I need panko. Any idea where it is?¡±


    Feeling as though she still understood nothing about what was happening but relieved that the conversation seemed to finally be moving forward, Remy decided to let it go. ¡°Aisle seven, toward the middle, just past the flour.¡± Just as she was congratulating herself for finally giving a normal response, Remy noticed that the silence was going on just a little too long. Allison was giving a hard stare in the direction of aisle seven, looking both amused and irritated. Before Remy could ask, she heard Jade loudly clear her throat. Remy looked up with the intent of silencing her again, but saw Jade returning a murderous glare of her own before tilting her head in the direction of aisle seven. It didn¡¯t take Remy long to understand.


    Of course she¡¯s in on it. ¡°This way¡­I¡¯ll show you.¡±


    Allison suddenly looked excited, making Remy wonder what had caused her mood to shift again. Grateful that it at least seemed to be something positive, she decided against questioning it and adding to her growing list of unsolvable mysteries for the morning. Allison followed in silence for a moment, something else that was out of character for her. Again deciding that it was better to not ask, Remy scrambled for anything else to fill the silence.


    ¡°Panko is pretty specific. New recipe?¡±


    ¡°Hmm? Oh, right!¡± Allison fidgeted nervously, giving Remy the distinct impression of someone looking out of a plane and trying to convince themselves to jump. ¡°I had another idea. Summer is pretty much here, and I was thinking that¡­well¡­it seems like a perfect time for a picnic.¡±


    Remy was briefly curious as to why Allison¡¯s cheeks again gained noticeable color when mentioning it, but she instead turned her attention elsewhere. ¡°Oh¡­trying to catch the tourists? That¡¯s a good idea, actually.¡±


    Allison beamed with pride. ¡°I know, right? Who doesn¡¯t love a picnic? I was thinking about comfort food, and it just kind of¡­hit me. People love going on vacation and trying new things, but what always happens before you can get home?¡±


    As desperately as Remy wanted to have the right answer, she hadn¡¯t been on a vacation since her mother had dragged her to one along with the luggage. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind before immediately regretting it.


    ¡°Wanting to be there already?¡±


    Allison laughed cheerfully, the sound hitting Remy¡¯s ears and making her think vaguely of musical bells. ¡°No, you insufferable grump. Well¡­actually, in this case, kinda.¡±


    Holy crap, that worked.


    Remy was confused as to how she¡¯d managed to stumble onto the right answer, but she chose to not dwell on it for fear of missing the opportunity that she¡¯d somehow created to be somewhat charismatic.


    Just roll with it. ¡°So, where does the panko come in?¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyes sparkled with excitement. ¡°Well, I was thinking about it and, when you¡¯re on vacation, you always want to try new things that you can¡¯t get at home. Sooner or later, though, you end up missing home a little and wanting something familiar. That¡¯s when I started thinking about comfort foods and then picnics¡ªtraditional American picnic dishes, but with a little something extra that brings them closer to our regular menu. Tourists can get something with our unique signature, but still familiar. Better than going to the nearest fast food place, right? The main draw will be the fried chicken. I can¡¯t imagine that there¡¯s anyone that would complain about that. I want it to be crispy and light, though, and I¡¯m thinking that replacing the normal flour breading with panko will give it that little something to bring it closer to the rest of our menu. Light, but still comforting, you know?¡±


    For a moment, Remy could only nod in agreement. She didn¡¯t have any energy to spare for searching for the right words again as she was too busy trying to keep a lid on her emotions. There were few things that made her as happy as hearing Allison talk passionately about something, motioning with her hands and smiling as if the finished dish was already sitting in front of her. It was another thing that made Remy fight back an urge to hug her, something she only managed by remembering to avoid another noticeable silence as they reached the end of aisle seven.


    ¡°Sounds pretty good.¡±


    ¡°Right? Actually¡­¡± Allison went quiet, looking down at the tattered paper towels in her hands and looking uneasy. ¡°Well, I was thinking¡­I could use a little help with this recipe.¡±


    Having again had the feeling that Allison was bracing herself ahead of something she¡¯d rather not be doing, a request shattered Remy¡¯s expectations of what she was about to say. ¡°Sure¡­I guess. I don¡¯t know how much help I can be, but fire away.¡±


    Allison smiled nervously, her eyes staring down the aisle and away from Remy. ¡°It¡¯s not a question, exactly. I¡­¡± There was a brief pause and a sharp inhale before she continued. ¡°I was thinking, well¡­given what I¡¯m experimenting with and the fact that I was raised by vegans, I could use the opinion of a good Southern girl about how to fry a chicken. Maybe you could give the results a once-over and let me know what you think?¡±


    Remy froze in place. It wasn¡¯t unusual for Allison to offer an invitation to join her somewhere outside of the grocery store, but Remy usually found an excuse to decline. As badly as she wanted to believe anything else, it seemed difficult to imagine that Allison was doing anything other than being polite. It was an understatement to call her the social type, so it made much more sense to Remy that this was something Allison was in the habit of doing casually. It was difficult enough to come across as normal just in their short conversations; the last thing Remy wanted was to give her a reason to change her mind about her visits. It felt like an inevitability. Still, she¡¯d visited the caf¨¦ more than once to try a new recipe, and busying herself with chewing had proven to be the perfect justification for long pauses. Getting to listen to Allison fill the silences was an added bonus. Still, there was something about the situation that felt too different to ignore, causing Remy to struggle to blindly accept.


    ¡°I¡­I mean, I¡ªwhat the hell?¡±


    Remy turned around furiously just after feeling something make contact with the back of her head. Seeing nothing but several confused expressions from shoppers, she looked around and saw a package of napkins on the floor that she was certain hadn¡¯t been there a moment ago. Her eyes swept her surroundings again, eventually falling on two long shadows coming from around the corner of the next aisle, right where the disposable dinnerware should be. It didn¡¯t take long to guess who was casting them. Knowing that more would be coming if she didn¡¯t get on with it, she didn¡¯t bother complaining or even explaining to Allison, who looked thoroughly confused.


    ¡°Uh¡­never mind. Yeah, I can help with that. When do you want me there? After closing again?¡±


    Allison had apparently set aside her confusion, though she still looked a bit tense. ¡°I was¡­well¡­I was thinking that¡­¡± Allison turned her eyes down the aisle and away from Remy again, her hands now destroying what was left of the paper towels with a slightly concerning amount of strength. ¡°Instead of the caf¨¦, how about meeting me in the Square on Friday after work? At seven¡ª¡± Allison was interrupted by a loud sound from the next aisle over, an almost musical ¡°ahem¡± that caused her to flinch and pause for a moment. ¡°Eight¡­I mean eight.¡±


    Taking her turn to be utterly perplexed, Remy completely forgot her earlier hesitation. The distraction and fear of more flying dinnerware were just enough to bring her focus to the fact that, beneath the fear and desperation to convince herself of what any of it did or didn¡¯t mean, she wanted nothing more than to accept. Her own words took too long to reach her ears, as though someone else had spoken them.


    ¡°Yeah, I¡­yeah. Friday at eight in the Square. I¡¯ll see you then.¡±


    Allison turned to Remy and smiled, bouncing in place several times and letting out a breath that Remy was surprised she¡¯d been holding. In an instant, she was her usual cheerful and excited self again, waving the mangled paper towel roll as she backed away and rounded a corner. Remy returned the wave with a weak one of her own, the reality of what she¡¯d just done slowly beginning to press down on her. Her chest began to tighten, making it difficult to breathe. Just as she was realizing what was happening, she felt a gentle touch on her back.


    ¡°Easy now, sweetie. Slow, deep breath. In, two, three, four¡­hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven¡­out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.¡±


    Satisfied that Allison was gone and couldn¡¯t see, Remy tuned out the rest of the world and focused all of her attention on Kate¡¯s voice. It only took two cycles of the pattern for her to regain control of her senses. When she looked up, Kate was standing in front of her, smiling kindly.


    ¡°I knew you could do it.¡±


    Remy huffed as she straightened her stance, habit pushing her immediately toward denial. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re talking about. I didn¡¯t do anything. She just wants help, that¡¯s all.¡°


    Her kind expression turning into a hard stare, Kate struggled to keep the corners of her mouth from twitching upward. ¡°Nice try, Remy, but you¡¯re just gonna have to face the facts. You. Have. A. Date.¡±


    Remy took a moment to absorb the words, initially struggling to make sense of them. She understood them all, but it was almost as if they were from a language she didn¡¯t speak. No matter how much sense they made on their own, their meaning was lost on her when she was the intended context.


    ¡°I¡­I don¡¯t know anything about dates! Where would I take her? What would I talk to her about? I don¡¯t have the first clue what¡ª¡°


    Kate placed a hand on Remy¡¯s chest, reminding her to calm herself and slow her breathing. ¡°Well, the good news is that she seems to have thought about what to do and where to go already. As for talking, well¡­she¡¯s probably got that covered, too. Just be yourself.¡± Laughing at Remy¡¯s sour expression, she added, ¡°Well, it¡¯s been working for you this long, hasn¡¯t it? It got you a date with her, so you must be doing something right.¡±


    Remy opened her mouth to argue, but closed it wordlessly as she was forced to admit that there was some logic to what she was hearing. Searching her memory, she found countless examples of fears of boring Allison with her short responses and quiet contemplation but, thinking about it for the first time, she couldn¡¯t think of an example of having any of those fears confirmed. Desperate for a counterargument, she uttered the first concern that occurred to her.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what to wear.¡±


    Much to Remy¡¯s surprise, Kate responded with more laughter. ¡°It¡¯s a good thing you¡¯ve got me, then. Call me Friday before you leave for the day and I¡¯ll meet you at your place. We should have plenty of time if you don¡¯t have to be there until sev¡ªeight. Do you need me to bring anything in particular?¡±


    Remy sighed, frustrated with herself and the situation. As much as she wanted it, she couldn¡¯t quite let go of the feeling that she should be resisting. Unable to summon the energy or the desire to do so, she put the thought aside in favor of the subtle reminder that Kate had been listening from around the corner. Remy almost wanted to be angry; it was a much more familiar feeling. She was exhausted, and anger was something that wouldn¡¯t take any effort on her part. Looking down at the package of napkins of the floor, though, she immediately gave up on the thought. It simply wasn¡¯t possible. Kate knew her too well to stray too far just in case she needed her and, the moment she did, she was there before Remy could think to resist calling out to her. There was simply no failing to appreciate that. She bent forward and picked up the napkins, now in increasingly good spirits in spite of herself. She took a moment to consider Kate¡¯s question but, at a complete loss as to what was ahead of her, she couldn¡¯t think of anything to ask for¡­nothing to legitimately ask for, at least. Grabbing the napkins, she stood with a smirk.


    ¡°Some ibuprofen, maybe?¡±

 Weigh Anchor and Trim the Sails

    Some days in the kitchen were longer than others, generally a consequence of how much work there was to be done. More work typically meant a shorter day but, as Allison¡¯s eyes drifted back to the clock on the far wall, it didn¡¯t seem to be making a difference one way or the other. The influx of summer tourists had most certainly begun, the incoming tickets from the front easily double the volume of only several weeks earlier. It was normally a sign of good things to come. With the caf¨¦¡¯s having an established reputation in such a small town, any increase in business was a reflection of Allison¡¯s individual efforts. Every review, every new customer and every returning regular breathed life into her. She lived for every new affirmation, each a confirmation of her right to exist.


    In that moment, however, she could feel nothing for any of it, her efforts to focus on the new orders and new faces coming to nothing. It was common for Lily to take time away from taking and delivering orders to give personal tours of the caf¨¦, especially to the tourists who would be most likely to share their tales of the wonderful little restaurant and the personal touch involved in its excellent service. Pride was also a factor; she loved the adoration that came with showcasing her success and, given that the tours always included a brief view into the kitchen, Allison suspected that Lily knew that the same was true for her. No matter how many came to visit to marvel at the gleaming stainless steel surfaces and shower her with praise that day, however, Allison couldn¡¯t draw sustenance from any of it as she so often did. She smiled, waved and gave brief answers to questions as politely as she could manage, but a lifetime of practice in keeping up appearances was guiding her forward instead of active attention or interest. It was all background noise, at best a momentary distraction from the worries at the edges of her thoughts.


    ¡°Biscotti¡¯s about to burn.¡±


    Again staring blankly at the clock with an unfocused gaze, Allison slowly turned toward Mari. ¡°Sorry, wha¡ª?¡±


    Given her dedication to it, seeing Mari¡¯s typically bored and slightly irritated expression shifted into anything different was noteworthy on its own. That it was replaced with concern was cause for alarm. Allison knew that any emotion that Mari showed was safe to consider to be magnified tenfold. Her slightly raised eyebrow caused Allison to immediately look in the same direction and, her eyes falling an oven, Mari¡¯s words finally had her full attention. With a gasp, she grabbed a towel and darted to the oven, pulling its door open and freeing a sheet pan from it. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that there was no apparent harm done, but that moment absent of dread freed her attention just in time to hear a faint chuckle coming from behind her. An entirely new fear began to take shape as she turned to face the inevitable.


    This can¡¯t be good. ¡°What¡¯s so funny?¡±


    As per usual, Mari didn¡¯t look at her when speaking, instead turning her attention to the prep table. ¡°Nothing.¡±


    Allison groaned, already exasperated with the exchange. ¡°People don¡¯t laugh for no reason, especially not in situations like this and especially not you.¡±


    There was a pause that would soon prove to be all too brief. ¡°Rising star of the culinary world, executive chef at 23, shaking up the industry with people fawning over her at every turn¡­and too lovesick to remember to set a timer. I just think it¡¯s funny.¡±


    Allison was taken aback. Mari was never what anyone could misconstrue as friendly; she was nothing if not blunt and impatient and, on her best days, she said nothing at all. Still, to go as far as to take delight in someone¡¯s misfortune wasn¡¯t just unsociable. It was malicious. Already on edge for hours since returning from the grocery store, the words cut deep.


    ¡°Where is this coming from? If you have some kind of a problem with me, why am I just hearing about it now? You¡¯ve never been the type to hold your tongue¡­not that I blame you. Without a mesh glove handy, I wouldn¡¯t, either.¡±


    Allison didn¡¯t get long to bask in the glory of her retort. She didn¡¯t realize that she¡¯d misinterpreted Mari¡¯s shocked silence until her laughter came in earnest, a sound so cheerful that it ran counter to everything that Allison had come to know about her.


    ¡°I guess Lily¡¯s new kitten finally noticed she has claws.¡± Seeing Allison already beginning to recover and gather herself for another round, Mari chuckled and raised her hands. ¡°Calm down¡­calm down. I meant exactly what I said¡ªit¡¯s funny. I don¡¯t get to see people lovestruck often, and it¡¯s just kind of amusing what it can do to people. It¡¯s cute.¡±


    Again, Allison was at a loss. Mari never seemed to run out of ways to cause her a new headache. ¡°Has anyone ever told you that you should try to work on your conversational skills? You¡¯ve got a bad habit of giving people the wrong idea.¡±


    Mari huffed, suddenly looking annoyed as she began slicing strawberries. ¡°You¡¯re right. Next time you ask me what I¡¯m thinking, I¡¯ll just say ¡®nothing.¡¯¡±


    As infuriating as Mari could be and as much as she was still in a mood to argue, Allison couldn¡¯t deny that she had a point. ¡°Listen, I¡ª¡±


    ¡°Skip it.¡± Mari continued slicing, going back to her habit of speaking to someone while looking anywhere else. ¡°I did something you didn¡¯t like, and you shouldn¡¯t be apologizing for saying so. You took it the wrong way, and I could¡¯ve found a better way to put it. It was just a miscommunication. We¡¯re just different.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t unusual for Allison to not know what to say to Mari. Much of what made dealing with her confusing was that the reason for it kept changing. She never considered people to be difficult to understand in the past; each person was a different combination of thoughts, feelings and motivations, but the list of factors to be combined was only so long. As long as she was familiar enough with that list, understanding a person was nothing more than a matter of predicting outcomes. It was a pattern that had carried on through her entire life until the moment she met Remy. It was one of the things that made it hard for Allison to stop thinking about her, always trying to make sense of something endlessly fascinating but entirely unfamiliar. It wasn¡¯t until she met Mari and again found herself at a loss that Allison began to wonder if the world was simply a bit bigger than she¡¯d realized.


    Her brow furrowed, Allison turned to look at Mari, still thinking about the connection just made between her and, of all people, Remy. Nothing in her life¡¯s experiences suggested that this was an appropriate time to ask for a favor but, as Allison thought about it, she admitted that it didn¡¯t make any less sense to her than anything else that passed between them. If nothing else, she was certainly desperate enough to try.


    ¡°So¡­I was wondering¡ª¡±


    ¡°Deep thinker or angry bitch?¡±


    Allison could only stand there, blinking in silence. Given everything that had ever passed between them, she wondered why she expected her first attempt to have a conversation with Mari to be anything other than surprising. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, what?¡±


    Again, Mari proved to be a source of initial confusion when she turned to glance at Allison out of the corner of her eye and laughed softly.


    ¡°Nobody willingly talks to me unless they want something, and it¡¯s typically the opinion of one or the other. Which one are you looking for?¡±


    Allison sighed, grateful that she¡¯d already resigned herself to simply going with it rather than trying to force things to make sense. ¡°Sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to¡ª¡±


    ¡°Skip it.¡± She repeated her earlier dismissal, but there was no trace of the impatience the words carried the first time. If anything, she sounded sad. ¡°It¡¯s nothing to be sorry about. It was an observation, that¡¯s all. Just¡­tell me what¡¯s on your mind.¡±


    After several seconds of silently studying her, Allison concluded that Mari was being genuine, if not entirely revealing of her thoughts. Allison again found herself surprised, this time to find that, in a way, talking to Mari was proving easier than she expected. It was simply a matter of being willing to take what she said at face value rather than assigning meaning to her words, something that was only necessary when talking to someone whose words couldn¡¯t be taken at face value. It was comforting to think that, as hostile as Mari could appear to be, she could be trusted. More than that, it inspired confidence that she was the right one to ask. Still, Allison felt the need to test the waters before diving in.


    ¡°What did you mean, ¡®Lily¡¯s new kitten?¡¯¡±


    For the first time, Mari didn¡¯t immediately respond. Allison wouldn¡¯t have guessed that she was capable of it if given ten chances, but Mari almost looked embarrassed. ¡°That¡¯s just how I think of you in my head. I used to, at least.¡± Seeing that Allison¡¯s curiosity clearly wasn¡¯t satisfied yet, Mari gave a dejected sigh before continuing. ¡°I kept hearing her call somebody ¡®chaton¡¯ and, for a long time after you started, I thought she was talking to you. I figured she¡¯d broken up with her girlfriend and moved on to you. It wasn¡¯t until she started calling you ¡®mon chou¡¯ and I kept hearing her saying ¡®chaton¡¯ that I realized she was talking to somebody else.¡±


    Allison repressed the urge to smile. There was a bit of relief to come with the confirmation that she was right to think that talking to Mari was indeed easy and it was just the approach that needed adjustment, but the misunderstanding was also quite amusing. ¡°Sounds like you heard her on the phone. Even when she¡¯s with me, I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen her go an hour without finding an excuse to call or text Charlotte about something.¡±


    Mari continued to stare down at the prep table in front of her in spite of having finished her slicing. She looked as if she was focusing intently on something, though she gave no indication as to what. Given how hard her stare was in spite of the color coming to her cheeks, Allison had the distinct impression that the lack of context was intentional. She briefly considered changing the subject for the sake of being polite before remembering her newfound approach of being more straightforward about her thoughts.


    ¡°Not used to being wrong?¡±


    Mari didn¡¯t respond for several seconds, looking as if she was collecting herself before shaking her head and prepping the strawberries for storage. ¡°I¡¯m not a psychologist, so it¡¯s not an exact science. I¡¯m just going on observations.¡±


    ¡°It seems like you hit more often than you miss. That¡¯s still impressive.¡±


    ¡°That just makes it easy to think you know everything. Makes the occasional reminders that you don¡¯t hit harder.¡± There was a pause as Mari continued looking down and, when she continued, her voice was noticeably quieter. ¡°It¡¯s not the first time I¡¯ve miscalculated. I thought Charlotte was a guy until I heard Lily call her by name.¡± Seeing Allison¡¯s raised eyebrow, she added, ¡°Because she kept calling her ¡®chaton.¡¯ I expected it to be a boyfriend. It¡¯s what I get for assuming, I guess.¡±


    Allison was beginning to have some misgivings about her new approach to conversation, but she did her best to stay the course. ¡°There¡¯s actually a story about that. I¡¯m sure she¡¯d tell you about it if you asked her.¡±


    Mari shook her head without hesitation. ¡°It¡¯s none of my business.¡±


    As Mari placed a label on the container of strawberries and reached for a marker, Allison decided that she¡¯d had enough of being entirely straightforward. It could have just been that she was so unaccustomed to seeing Mari express any emotion at all that made seeing her look upset so shocking, but Allison decided that she didn¡¯t care. She couldn¡¯t ignore the clear signs of distress. After a moment¡¯s contemplation, she decided to try to split the difference and subtly steer the conversation in a slightly different direction.


    ¡°I¡¯m guessing that you¡¯ve never met Charlotte.¡±


    Mari stopped and turned her head slightly toward Allison, looking deep in thought. ¡°No¡­come to think of it, I haven¡¯t. What¡¯s she like?¡±


    Scary.


    Allison just barely stopped herself from uttering the thought. Not that it wasn¡¯t true, but it was hardly a fair description to give someone on its own, especially someone who hadn¡¯t met her themselves. It was difficult to encompass all of the feelings that being around Charlotte invoked in a short description other than that the overall effect could be a bit intimidating. What stood out about her most was that there was a quiet intensity about her that was impossible to not notice. Allison often thought of talking to Charlotte like harnessing electricity; it was perfectly safe, but it would be foolish to ever forget to respect it. Everything about Charlotte¡¯s presence commanded that respect and demanded obedience, though Allison was almost certain that wasn¡¯t her intent¡­usually, at least. Lily was a consistent exception. Though Lily certainly had no complaints, Allison was sure that was one more thing that shouldn¡¯t be discussed without their consent.


    ¡°She¡¯s¡­difficult to describe. You¡¯d have to meet her for yourself. What I¡¯m getting at is that if you¡¯ve ever seen them together, you¡¯d never expect to see them any other way. Neither of them would ever leave the other.¡± Seeing Mari¡¯s expression shift to deep thought, Allison rushed to leave the corner she¡¯d just painted herself into before another question could come. ¡°Why did you say I was a kitten, though?¡±


    Mari continued digging through the produce refrigerator without looking back at Allison, giving the impression that she was feeling a bit more like herself. ¡°That¡¯s what ¡®chaton¡¯ means.¡±


    ¡°Wait, you speak French?¡±


    Mari finally stopped and turned to Allison, knitting her brow in confusion. ¡°You don¡¯t?¡±


    Allison thought for a moment before realization dawned on her and caused her to chuckle to herself. ¡°No, that¡¯s just Lily. When she gets excited about something, she forgets that I don¡¯t have any idea what she¡¯s saying.¡±


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    Mari turned back to the refrigerator quickly, but not quickly enough for Allison to miss seeing the corners of her mouth twitching upward. ¡°If it makes you feel any better, she¡¯s from Montreal so I don¡¯t understand her half of the time, either.¡±


    She didn¡¯t really understand the significance of what Mari was saying, but Allison was content with the fact that she seemed to be in slightly better spirits. She was about to continue moving the conversation in a positive direction until she saw Mari stand up straight in front of the refrigerator, a cardboard box in her hands. Before Allison could ask about it, Mari placed the box near the prep area and reached for a thin wooden brush with short bristles sticking straight out of its end. Without thinking, Allison groaned at the realization of what Mari was about to do. Much to her surprise, Mari began laughing softly as she began pulling mushrooms out of the box.


    ¡°You know, I used to wonder if you were for real.¡±


    After so much experience with it, Allison was finally beginning to grow accustomed to being confused. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°If you were really an executive chef, I mean.¡± Mari continued smiling as she began gently brushing the caps of mushrooms. ¡°The story didn¡¯t add up¡ªthe whole ¡®graduated from culinary school and an executive chef at 23¡¯ thing, I mean. Not impossible, obviously, but I was skeptical. If I wasn¡¯t sure before, though, I would be now.¡±


    Allison took a moment to suppress an urge to become defensive, reminding herself that if Mari intended to insult her, she wouldn¡¯t be likely to do it halfway. ¡°Why is that?¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no way you didn¡¯t pay your dues at some point if you¡¯re having that kind of a reaction to just seeing a mushroom brush.¡± Mari laughed again, but her smile quickly faded. ¡°You still haven¡¯t told me what you really wanted. Deep thinker or angry bitch?¡±


    It took Allison¡¯s mind a moment to catch up to what she¡¯d heard. For a long while, she¡¯d been so focused on the conversation that she¡¯d forgotten why she¡¯d started it. ¡°Definitely the former. It¡¯s about¡­well¡­¡±


    ¡°Remy?¡±


    Allison looked up in surprise at Mari, whose back was still turned to her as she continued to brush the dirt off of mushrooms. ¡°You know her?¡±


    ¡°No. Met her once, though. I see what the big deal is.¡± After a slightly uncomfortable silence, continued. ¡°Yeah, I know, she¡¯s the one you¡¯ve got a thing for.¡±


    ¡°How do you know so much, anyway?¡±


    Mari chuckled softly. ¡°There¡¯s no secret to it or anything. It¡¯s really just about paying attention. You and Lily talk all the time, you know. Between the constant grocery trips and the thinly veiled references to the store manager, it wasn¡¯t exactly hard to put it all together. Why do you think I told Lily I¡¯d work this weekend?¡±


    Allison was taken aback. She wouldn¡¯t have expected Mari to be willing to do her any favors even after the last several minutes of relatively pleasant conversation, much less before. Struggling for anything appropriate to fill the silence, she defaulted to mild annoyance even as she laughed. ¡°It¡¯s still weird.¡±


    Mari turned to Allison and began to laugh herself, a sound that Allison still hadn¡¯t quite gotten used to hearing. ¡°Yeah, I know, and I know it probably gets pretty annoying, but it saves time so bear with me. I¡¯m guessing that you finally asked her out, she said yes because of course she did¡ªoh, don¡¯t look at me like that, you¡¯re seriously the only one surprised¡ªand now you¡¯re worried about screwing it up because you don¡¯t know how to be around somebody who listens more than she talks. None of the usual tricks are working, so you want someone to tell you how to act around her to make her want you. Sound about right?¡±


    Allison stared for a moment, her lips parted in preparation to speak words that wouldn¡¯t come. It wasn¡¯t until she gave up on the attempt that any words occurred to her at all. ¡°No, seriously, how are you doing that?¡±


    Mari chuckled as she turned back to the mushrooms. ¡°Never mind that. What¡¯s important is that I can¡¯t give you what you¡¯re looking for. I¡¯m not¡ªoh, stop pouting, I said I can¡¯t give you what you¡¯re looking for, not that I can¡¯t tell you anything. Look, the problem is that you¡¯re asking me about her. I¡¯m not her.¡± Glancing behind her and seeing Allison sadly turning her eyes to the floor, Mari sighed and continued, her tone again softening. ¡°If you want to know what she¡¯s thinking, then wouldn¡¯t it make the most sense to just ask her instead?¡±


    No amount of thinking about it brought any answers. No matter how much sense Mari was making and no matter how little sense it made to keep resisting the thought, Allison remained certain that there was something she needed and was missing. ¡°Maybe it¡¯s that easy for you, but you don¡¯t have a reason to be worried about the consequences of a misunderstanding.¡±


    Mari turned to Allison again, confused. ¡°Consequences? What consequences?¡±


    ¡°What if I upset her? What if I offend her? She¡¯s not like other people. I don¡¯t know what she finds endearing or annoying. What if¡­?¡± Ironically, finally understanding what was troubling her somehow made it even more difficult for Allison to say the words aloud. ¡°What if I only have one chance at this?¡±


    Mari sighed, her expression softening along with her voice. ¡°Okay, so it¡¯s not that easy. Well, it¡¯s not that hard, either. She obviously has some interest in you if you¡¯ve gotten this far and she¡¯s still playing along. What makes you think she doesn¡¯t want to keep it going, too?¡±


    Again, Allison struggled to give a voice to the thoughts that were beginning to become clear to her. ¡°Why would she? You said it yourself¡ªwe¡¯re different.¡±


    Suddenly, Mari looked as though she was concentrating. ¡°I think you¡¯ve got more than one problem here. You want to know how to attract her, but you also don¡¯t think that you can do it.¡± Looking for a reaction from Allison to confirm her suspicions, Mari waited for her to nod sadly before continuing. ¡°As far as Remy goes, this really seems like you just need to keep doing whatever you¡¯ve been doing. I stand by what I said before: She¡¯s not playing along for no reason. Maybe I¡¯m wrong, but she didn¡¯t seem like the type to hand out comfortable lies. If she didn¡¯t want to be bothered, I¡¯d think you¡¯d know.¡±


    Allison again looked down at the floor, lost in thought. Thinking about what Mari was saying, she searched her memory for any examples of a contradiction but could come up with none. One of the more attractive things about Remy was not having to guess at whether what she was saying was true or not. She used her words so sparingly, it was difficult to imagine that she wasn¡¯t putting her entire being into each one. Combined with the fact that she expressed similar frustration with duplicity in others, it created an effect that allowed Allison to quickly become comfortable with taking what she said at face value. Remy was polite and kind, but she wasn¡¯t a liar. Even for the sake of sparing someone¡¯s feelings, Allison was certain that she would only take it so far.


    ¡°Okay¡­so, say you¡¯re right¡­¡±


    As if sensing that Allison was relenting, Mari pressed the advantage. ¡°I am right. It¡¯s not hard to guess at what happened. You¡¯re good at being attractive, but you weren¡¯t trying when you met Remy. You fell into it naturally and, by the time you realized you wanted her, you were too busy drooling over her to remember to actually put any effort into impressing her. Oh, quit scowling at me¡ªyou should see the look on your face every time you run off ¡®just to pick up a couple of things.¡¯¡± Mari chuckled again at the thought, but she seemed wary of giving Allison too much time to argue. ¡°The point is that you didn¡¯t try to impress her. You just did it. My guess is that she¡¯s better at seeing through fake people than you think, and the fact that you didn¡¯t try to give her what you thought she wanted is why she likes you. If I were you, I¡¯d keep not doing that.¡±


    Allison took a moment to absorb what she was hearing. She tested the logic and, again, it all made perfect sense. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered why it never occurred to her before. It wouldn¡¯t be as easy as just not worrying about it, though, which caused a new worry to take shape in her mind.


    ¡°I¡¯m not saying that you¡¯re wrong, but¡­well¡­it still feels a little like leaving it all up to chance.¡±


    Mari smiled kindly. ¡°That¡¯s where the other half of your problem comes into play, and that¡¯s the part that you¡¯re going to have to do for yourself. You¡¯re just not giving yourself enough credit. Like I said, she likes you because of what she¡¯s seen¡ªthe real you, not the face you put on when you want someone to like you. All of those little things that make you who you are will be what she picked up on when she was deciding how she feels about you. Basically, you¡¯re trying to convince yourself that she won¡¯t like what she¡¯s going to see even though she¡¯s already seen it and decided she likes it.¡±


    Allison sighed softly, her voice heavy with sadness. ¡°You haven¡¯t seen everything. Neither has she.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve seen enough, and I like what I know.¡± Mari suddenly turned back to the mushrooms and began brushing them with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. ¡°I¡¯d be willing to bet that it¡¯s the same for her. You should give her some credit, too. I¡¯m sure she knows what she wants and, no matter how much you keep trying to convince yourself otherwise, it¡¯s pretty obvious at this point that she wants you. As for the rest¡­well, all you can really do is deal with it as it comes¡ªbut that was going to be the case no matter what. I know it¡¯s not easy, but if it¡¯s working, maybe just go with it. At the very least, don¡¯t change anything until you have a reason to.¡±


    Allison did her best to focus on the logic of the situation. She began repeating to herself that Mari was right, it all made sense and there was no reason to not keep moving forward. She¡¯d already decided that time was of the essence and she wouldn¡¯t waste any more of it, but she¡¯d somehow fallen back into the old habit of trying to talk herself out of it at the last minute. Mari¡¯s words were harsh, but they were comforting. More than that, they¡¯d strengthened her resolve just as it was beginning to fail. With a growing sense of gratitude, she looked up at Mari only to see that she¡¯d again turned away. Allison smiled as she quietly watched Mari work in silence, though something about the sight gave her the nagging feeling that she was still overlooking something important.


    Before she could give it much more thought, the door to the kitchen flew open and Lily came in, humming to herself and bouncing with each step. Making her way toward Allison, she took her by the arm and immediately began tugging her back in the direction of the door. ¡°Aweille! Lunch is over, and we¡¯ve got a lot of stops to make.¡±


    Torn from her thoughts, Allison was quiet for a moment as she attempted to force her mind to catch up. ¡°What kind of stops? Where are we going, anyway?¡±


    Lily looked back at Allison, appearing to be just as confused. ¡°I told you earlier. We¡¯re going shopping.¡±


    Allison replayed the conversation in her mind, but there seemed to be a blank spot where the answer should be. ¡°Did you?¡±


    Lily thought for a moment before her confused expression turned apologetic. ¡°Technically¡­but no, not really. We have shopping to do, of course. We also need to make some appointments for Friday¡ªhair and nails. Don¡¯t worry, everything will be perfect¡­not that it wouldn¡¯t be, anyway.¡±


    Allison raised an eyebrow. Something about Lily¡¯s sudden change in tone and increasingly stern expression gave the distinct impression that a lecture was coming. ¡°I take it you¡¯re still not done with your Charlotte impression?¡±


    Lily pressed her lips together and fought the smile that was taking shape, but she didn¡¯t last long before giving up on it and bursting into laughter. ¡°Fine¡­I admit that she¡¯s better at telling people what to do than I am. That being said, though, no. I¡¯m not done yelling at you yet. One of the things we need to do to get you ready for Friday is getting you to stop trying to talk yourself out of it.¡±


    With a glance back at Mari, Allison smiled and nodded. ¡°Yeah¡­I know. You¡¯re right.¡±


    Her mouth open to speak, Lily slowly closed it before any words could come. ¡°I¡¯m not going to lie. I thought that would be harder.¡±


    Allison¡¯s smile widened as she continued looking at Mari¡¯s back. ¡°We were just talking about it, actually. I got some good advice.¡±


    Lily¡¯s eyes drifted to Mari, then darted back to Allison before narrowing. She stared intently, as if certain that Allison was attempting to trick her. Allison merely smiled and shrugged. Lily turned back to Mari, who was still brushing mushrooms in silence. Lily¡¯s expression slowly shifted from suspicion to concern, but she said nothing to address it. Instead, she gently pushed Allison toward the door and, once certain that she was going ahead without her, turned back toward Mari and began cautiously walking toward her. Sensing that something was amiss, Allison stepped through the door for the sake of being polite, but her curiosity got the better of her and led her to stand nearby with the hope of making sense of what was happening. All she heard, however, was a rapid exchange of French in hushed tones. It wasn¡¯t until the end of the brief conversation that Allison heard anything that she understood.


    ¡°Are you still sure about this?¡± Lily¡¯s voice was uneasy, which was worrying on its own.


    There was a long pause before Mari finally responded in a voice that sounded exhausted. ¡°It¡¯s none of my business.¡±


    Hearing Lily approaching, Allison rushed around a corner and toward the exit leading to the rear parking lot. While she still had no idea what was happening, she was regretting attempting to find out. Underscoring the feeling was the fact that when Lily stepped out, she simply put on her usual smile with subtle but noticeable effort. She escorted Allison to her car while launching into a detailed explanation of their plans for the afternoon, the entire time failing to make any mention of anything that had taken place before that point. Allison was almost relieved. Whatever was going on, she was certain that it was none of her business, either.


    ¡°So¡­you¡¯ve finally decided to cooperate?¡±


    Allison was beginning to relax once they were driving and the tone of the conversation finally shifted away from her conversation with Mari. Having it drift back in that direction made Allison immediately wary, but she did her best to remain calm and neutral. ¡°Yeah, I get it. I was being stupid.¡±


    Lily looked pleased and, to Allison, a little relieved. ¡°Good to hear. So I won¡¯t need to use the triangle choke, correct?¡±


    Allison flinched. Whether she was joking or not was debatable, but whether she was capable or not certainly wasn¡¯t. It seemed wise to err on the side of caution and be perfectly clear. ¡°No, no need. I get where I was going wrong. Don¡¯t ask me how I¡¯m supposed to just relax and coast through this whole thing just assuming that it¡¯s going to work out somehow, but I get that trying to force it into being something it¡¯s not is even worse. I intend to try to get this right, though. No more sitting and hoping.¡±


    Lily sighed, looking pleased but somehow a little sad, as well. ¡°Well, that certainly makes sense. Our dear Remy is never going to make the first move, no matter how much she wants to.¡±


    ¡°What makes you so sure she wants¡ª?¡±


    Allison was cut off by a quick glance from Lily, who was watching sternly from the corner of her eye. ¡°You¡¯re going to have to work on your confidence, mon chou¡­and quickly. You only have two days, you know. You need to be ready to impress, and you can¡¯t do that if you keep doubting yourself.¡±


    After a long sigh, Allison nodded. ¡°I know, I know. I don¡¯t think that trying to impress her is the way to go, though¡­not anymore, at least. No more worrying about faking it. I think I¡¯m just going to let the facts speak for themselves.¡±


    Lily smiled widely, all traces of concern gone from her expression. ¡°In that case, let¡¯s get you the best facts we can find while we decide how to flaunt the ones you already have.¡± Following a curious glance from Allison, she added, ¡°You don¡¯t have to be fake to put what¡¯s real on display. Don¡¯t tell me that you don¡¯t want to show off just a little.¡±


    ¡°Foul temptress.¡±


    After having put so much effort into abandoning her thoughts of somehow appealing to Remy¡¯s desires, it was difficult for Allison to admit that she still liked the idea. She struggled to turn her attention in any other direction.


    ¡°You just want to play dress-up.¡±


    ¡°Oh, and you don¡¯t?¡±


    Allison laughed, finally admitting to herself that Lily was absolutely right. At the same time, she was also right in saying that she didn¡¯t have to be misleading to be dazzling. She breathed a sigh of relief on making the realization, once again thankful for Lily as it became clear that she didn¡¯t have to give up on the idea. She wanted nothing more than for any indication that Remy felt anything close to what she did, even though the thought was terrifying. Without trying to guarantee results by giving what she assumed Remy wanted, it was merely a question of whether she liked what she saw or not. After speaking with Mari about it, though, Allison¡¯s mind was made up. Besides, Lily had a point, as well. There was no reason she couldn¡¯t split the difference¡ªpresent something real, but present it well.


    Alright, then. Get ready, Remy, because here I come. All of me.

 The Winds Are Finally Right

    Remy was always at least mildly suspicious where people were concerned, but she didn¡¯t normally give it much thought where no specific harm could be done. As she sat in her office and tried to ignore the clock, however, she couldn¡¯t help seeing a conspiracy playing out. It was entirely too quiet, and there were entirely too many reasons that it shouldn¡¯t be. Between being Friday and being the beginning of tourism season, she should¡¯ve been running herself ragged trying to help everyone keep up with the work that should be overwhelming them by that point in the day.


    Failing in her mission to deny the existence of the clock, she saw that it was nearly noon. She had been sitting in her chair nearly the entirety of the time that had passed since she clocked in, waiting in vain for someone to want something. With more tourists arriving by the day, restaurants increasing their specialty orders to accommodate them, picnics and cookouts looming on the horizon and a national holiday weekend only a week away, everyone in the store should¡¯ve been on the verge of tearing out their hair. Instead, there was a conspicuous lack of demands from anyone; employees had been insisting all morning that they had everything under control, and department managers were quick to confirm that all was as it should be.


    Remy walked the store several times that morning as she often did when there wasn¡¯t enough to keep her busy, looking for problems to preemptively solve. The entire store was spotless, without a speck of dust to be seen or a can of peaches or box of cereal out of place. Without even straightening shelves or mopping floors for an excuse for something to do with her hands, Remy ended up spending the entire day sitting in her office, refreshing her inbox to check for new mail and researching how to clean the acoustic ceiling tiles in her office that, for the first time, she had time to notice were absolutely filthy.


    Most of the unnatural calm of the day could be explained away with the unpredictable nature of working in customer service. It was often busy or slow for a reason but, on occasion, it just was. Where the theorizing began was when, in a sign of her desperation for quite literally anything to occupy her time after nearly two hours of silence, Remy began approaching and greeting customers. Ignoring the shocked gasps, open mouths and wide-eyed stares from employees, she spent nearly ten minutes willingly going from one customer to the next, being as charismatic and helpful as her limited experience with it allowed. Desperate for justification for interacting, she started working her way down the list of expectations of a store manager that Jason had given her shortly after his graduation¡ªand shortly before Remy gave him a surprisingly well-organized list of suggestions as to what he could do with it.


    While she wasn¡¯t about to let Jason run her into the ground in a bid to massage his own ego, there was certainly a kind of logic there that she¡¯d never admit to acknowledging if he wasn¡¯t already aware of it. Customers have a talent for finding the worst possible times to want something, as if they¡¯re holding back their demands until they can no longer be contained. Approaching them early is something like opening a pressure release valve before the situation can get entirely out of hand and a request turns into a tirade. There was rarely time for it as every pair of hands in the store was busy with preventing those complaints before they could take shape but, on that morning, there was nothing to spare if not time. That was where the situation went from unusual to suspicious, when customers started voicing their every complaint and desire only to be redirected to someone else. Of all of the customers that Remy spoke with that morning, none had managed to speak for more than thirty seconds before an employee appeared to address the concern in her place. After trying for the better part of an hour, she noticed that employees seemed to be racing to stay ahead of her, looking for customers and offering assistance before she could get to them. Certain that something was going on, Remy finally relented and retreated to her office before anyone worked themselves sick trying to keep up with her on top of doing their actual jobs.


    Finally giving up on trying to not notice the clock, Remy stared at it while coming to the only reasonable conclusion that could be reached. What Kate hoped to accomplish was a mystery, but there was no doubt that she was behind the fact that Remy had yet to do any actual work all morning. Nobody else would go so far for her sake, and nobody else would have the influence required to get what appeared to be the entire store in on the same plan. Kate was adored by seemingly everyone there and, however reluctantly, Remy admitted that even she wasn¡¯t immune to the effect. She knew for a fact that she wouldn¡¯t have as much as hesitated in agreeing if Kate had approached her to do something like this for someone else, so nothing about her situation truly surprised her when she thought about it. There was still the question of Kate¡¯s intentions, but it was a mystery that would have to wait. As the clock struck noon, Remy finally had the perfect distraction from her complete lack of distractions with the arrival of her scheduled lunch hour. As she stood and began crossing the office, it occurred to her that going to lunch as intended was something she¡¯d never actually done before. If she had time to take a break at all, food was typically the last thing on her mind, assuming there was even enough time to eat it. At most, she¡¯d grab a sandwich from the deli if she could clear at least fifteen minutes in her schedule to eat it. More often than not, however, she found herself doing her best to pay no attention to her stomach until she could make it home.


    Suddenly spoiled for choice and uncertain exactly what to do with herself, Remy couldn¡¯t help wondering if she should be making more of the opportunity she¡¯d been presented with than simply trying to make sense of it, which made her wonder if she wasn¡¯t letting it go to waste. She began to wonder what people usually did with their lunch breaks, but regretted it almost immediately as she received a harsh reminder that she had no frame of reference for what could be considered normal, even with something as simple as this. An odd coalescence of fear and determination began to rise up in her and push her to be decisive. By the time she¡¯d reached the time clock, Remy had compiled a list of every restaurant within walking distance, come up with reasonable estimations of wait times and organized them in order of how recently she¡¯d visited them. Still, for some reason, none of her options were particularly appealing. All of them sounded good, but none stood out as being any better than the others, much less the best of them all. She wanted all of them to an extent but, at the same time, the stress of only having time for one made all of them strangely unappealing. It was only her earlier determination to make the best of the opportunity keeping her from heading to the deli for corned beef that was sounding better by the moment. Worse than being locked into a cycle of trying and failing to choose and then trying and failing to give up on choosing, standing in front of the time clock and watching seconds turn into minutes was putting the consequences of failure on full display in a way that couldn¡¯t be overlooked.


    ¡°It figures that the only thing in the world you aren¡¯t naturally talented at is relaxing.¡±


    Remy was surprised twice; first to hear Kate¡¯s voice coming from behind her, and then again when, on turning to face her and seeing her kindly smiling back, she breathed a sigh of relief. Still smiling, Kate reached out and began gently smoothing her hair. She hadn¡¯t noticed how quickly her pulse was racing until the delicate touch caused it to start to calm.


    ¡°I¡­think I¡¯m doing lunch wrong.¡± Though she¡¯d tried to calm herself before speaking and even made an attempt at humor, her voice didn¡¯t completely mask her frustration.


    ¡°I had a feeling you might have some trouble with it.¡± Kate spoke matter-of-factly, seeming to take no further notice of Remy¡¯s distress even as she took her by the hand and led her toward the front of the store. ¡°Reuben on rye, extra Russian, salt and vinegar chips and raspberry iced tea. Serenity is already working on it.¡± Seeing Remy raise an eyebrow, Kate laughed softly. ¡°It¡¯s quite literally the only thing anyone has ever seen you eat.¡±


    Feeling a gentle squeeze on her hand, Remy knew for once what was expected of her, even if it was more of a request than a demand. ¡°I¡­thought I should do something I don¡¯t usually get to do. Not that I didn¡¯t want to, but¡­¡±


    ¡°Too many options?¡±


    Remy nodded quietly as they arrived in the deli. ¡°Maybe if I¡¯d started thinking about it earlier¡­yeah, that sounds like me. Can¡¯t even have fun without scheduling it first.¡±


    Kate only smiled warmly as she led Remy to a seat near the counter. By the time Remy was seated, someone was approaching with a tray containing what appeared to be two of her usual order. The woman carrying it set it down and, looking excited, turned to Remy and seemed as if she was about to say something. A quick glance at Kate appeared to change her mind, however, sending her walking away with nothing more than a reassuring pat to Remy¡¯s shoulder. Against her better judgment, Remy began to wonder just how deep this conspiracy ran and just how many people were in on it. At her last count, Serenity was one of the only people left who wasn¡¯t likely to have any involvement or interest.


    As per usual, Kate was quick to catch onto what Remy was thinking. ¡°Everyone is pretty excited about this, you know.¡± She regretted her choice of words, however, as soon as she saw Remy¡¯s eyes narrow.


    ¡°Now, when you say everyone¡­¡±


    Seeing Kate¡¯s sheepish smile, Remy groaned loudly. Though she¡¯d tried to hold it in, Kate couldn¡¯t help laughing. ¡°They¡¯re just happy for you, sweetie. Nobody was ever going to say it, but¡­well, some of them have been worried about you. You don¡¯t do anything but work, go home, come back to work and, on a rare occasion, eat something. People have been wondering what keeps you going. It¡¯s just nice to see something happen that could actually make you happy.¡±


    Remy wanted to complain, but she knew already that it was old habit that was trying to speak rather than current observation. The truth was that being around people who genuinely cared for her was still a very new experience that she still wasn¡¯t entirely certain how to navigate.


    ¡°Kate¡­thank¡ª¡±


    ¡°Eat.¡± Forcing down a smile, Kate pushed Remy¡¯s Reuben toward her before opening her potato chips for her. ¡°We have some time, but we¡¯re still burning daylight.¡±


    Finally taking a bite, Remy decided in an instant that there wasn¡¯t a single option that she could¡¯ve come up with that would¡¯ve been better than being there in that moment. It took her a moment to absorb what Kate had said before she began to wonder about it. ¡°What¡¯s the hurry? I can¡¯t go anywhere until four.¡±


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.


    ¡°Not anymore.¡± Taking a bite of her own Reuben, Kate seemed to be still suppressing a smile, as though enjoying the confusion that Remy was enduring while she waited with bated breath. ¡°As soon as we¡¯re done eating, you¡¯re done for the day.¡±


    ¡°What? I can¡¯t go anywhere! Who¡¯s going to¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Jade will take over until Tom gets here.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s still two more trucks coming in¡ª¡±


    ¡°Tom already knows about them. If one shows up early, Jade will start it for him.¡±


    ¡°But what about the meeting with the distributor at two? I still¡ª¡±


    ¡°Jason will be taking care of that.¡±


    Remy stopped dead, the shock of what she¡¯d heard shutting down her ability to come up with more arguments. ¡°Look, as much as I appreciate everything you¡¯re doing for me, even I don¡¯t know if he deserves whatever you must have done to him to get him to work on a Friday afternoon.¡±


    It took a full minute for Kate to get her laughter under control. ¡°Andy gave him another reminder that he¡¯s no better than anyone else, or any more entitled to leave early. All I did was agree¡­well, that and point out that since his weekly extensions to his weekends come at your expense, one afternoon off is the very least that his lazy ass owes you.¡± Kate smiled wistfully while looking down at nothing in particular. ¡°He¡¯s my son and I love him like my own life, but that¡¯s exactly why I can¡¯t let him end up the kind of person that doesn¡¯t understand how to treat people.¡±


    Remy sighed, unable to avoid imagining the fallout. ¡°Still, there¡¯s no way he took that well.¡±


    ¡°Not even close. He spent five straight minutes arguing and defending his position, listing all of his responsibilities and reviewing societal standards concerning business hierarchies and expected perks associated with different levels of authority. He wasn¡¯t captain of the debate team for nothing, I guess. I feel that I made a strong rebuttal, though, and we eventually came to terms.¡±


    ¡°And that rebuttal was¡­?¡±


    ¡°¡®Because I said so.¡¯¡±


    Remy joined Kate in cheerful laughter, though she couldn¡¯t avoid feeling some measure of sympathy for him. The real world was hitting him hard, and from a direction he surely never expected. ¡°Well, if even he¡¯s playing a role in this, then I guess there really isn¡¯t anything left for me to do.¡±


    ¡°Oh, there¡¯s plenty for you to do¡­just not here.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t until that moment that, for the first time since arriving at work that morning, Remy thought about what should¡¯ve had her attention all day rather than her boredom. It said quite a bit about how unusual it was for her to find herself sitting idle that it managed to take her mind off of that evening almost entirely. Allison had been on her mind far more than usual, nearly constantly since they¡¯d made plans several days earlier. She had been such a constant fixture in Remy¡¯s thoughts that she¡¯d begun marking the passing of time with the various thoughts and daydreams she was having about the evening ahead. Thinking about her for the first time since coming to work wasn¡¯t entirely unlike suddenly losing six hours of her life.


    Feeling a gentle touch on her chest, Remy looked up to see Kate watching her intently with a worried expression. She took a deep breath and shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m okay. I just¡­didn¡¯t realize how close it is.¡±


    Kate slowly pulled her hand back, but she didn¡¯t look entirely convinced. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t have expected you to manage to forget.¡±


    ¡°Neither would I. The only thing that distracted me was trying to figure out why it was so slow all day long. I¡¯ve been climbing the walls looking for something to do.¡±


    Covering her mouth, Kate laughed through a mouthful of potato chips. ¡°If it worked that well, then let¡¯s just pretend that I planned it.¡± Noting Remy¡¯s look of surprise, she went on to explain. ¡°I¡¯m good, but I¡¯m not that good. I just didn¡¯t want anyone coming in here and stressing you out right before your big night.¡±


    Remy sighed, annoyed with herself. ¡°I¡¯m good enough at that on my own.¡±


    Again, Kate disarmed the sour mood with a distraction by pushing Remy¡¯s sandwich toward her, then patiently waited until her mouth was too full to argue. ¡°It¡¯s like anything else, sweetie; it takes practice to get good at it. You don¡¯t exactly give yourself many opportunities to practice not being at work. Tonight will be good for you in a couple of ways, I think.¡±


    Not recognizing how clever Kate was until she was stuck chewing, Remy was forced to consider what she¡¯d heard before giving a knee-jerk denial. Thinking about it, she couldn¡¯t remember the last time she had taken any time away from work. On arriving, she was too desperate for work to ask for time off once she¡¯d found it, and she was so poor that she couldn¡¯t afford to lose the hours any more than she could afford to spend the money on anything that wasn¡¯t keeping her fed, clothed or sheltered. Remy was no stranger to hard work even before coming to Violet Meadows but, since she¡¯d arrived, her only focus was survival at any cost. Even long after the point at which she could start living instead of just surviving, she was too haunted by her past to think that it all wouldn¡¯t fall apart at any moment¡ªnot that she¡¯d had all that much experience with simply living even if it had occurred to her to try. It simply wasn¡¯t in her nature to want things anymore.


    It was a disconcerting thought that led Remy to think about Allison. It was a vague thought that initially occurred to her on a whim, the realization that getting closer to Allison was the first thing that she could clearly remember pushing herself toward simply because she wanted it. Nearly everything else in her life served some specific purpose; it was alarming for her to see how much thought it took just to come up with an example of something she owned simply because she liked the idea of having it. With the exception of several video games and her fuzzy pajama pants, almost everything she ever invested resources into acquiring was, at most, pleasing in some way that didn¡¯t hinder its function. When she thought about it, Remy wasn¡¯t entirely certain she knew how to want. Seeing herself in that light, it suddenly made more sense that she¡¯d been so hesitant to take any interest in Allison in the first place.


    ¡°You know, there¡¯s such a thing as being too quiet, even for you.¡±


    Remy looked up to see Kate studying her intently. She was smiling, but her expression wasn¡¯t entirely free of worry. ¡°I was just thinking¡­how do you think she¡¯d react to someone like me? Someone who doesn¡¯t really want anything. It just seems a bit¡­boring.¡±


    ¡°I had a feeling you were thinking something unpleasant.¡± Kate sighed and pushed Remy¡¯s opened bag of potato chips closer to her. Though Remy had caught onto the strategy, something about Kate¡¯s expression gave the impression that pointing it out would ultimately serve no purpose. ¡°Even if you think something is going to go wrong at the last minute, don¡¯t go trying to fulfill that prophecy yourself. Listen, however she feels about you, she feels that way now. She doesn¡¯t need to be convinced. That means that whatever you¡¯ve got going on, she¡¯s into it.¡±


    Remy thought for a moment before what was building into sadness suddenly took a hard turn toward embarrassment. ¡°This isn¡¯t the first time we¡¯ve had this conversation, is it?¡±


    Kate laughed as she reached for what was left of her sandwich. ¡°I was waiting to see if you¡¯d catch that. You can be incredibly stubborn at the worst possible times.¡±


    As much as she agreed, Remy was preparing to give an obligatory scowl in response when Kate¡¯s words sparked a question. ¡°You¡­you said that it¡¯s a matter of practice, right? How do you practice something like that?¡±


    The speed with which concern cast a shadow on Kate¡¯s face was a clear indication of how rare it was for her to not be able to give Remy clear direction. ¡°I wish I could say for sure. It¡¯s not like there¡¯s a best practice for every situation or anything. It¡¯s going to vary from person to person and depend on exactly what¡¯s holding you back. In your case, I¡¯d guess that it¡¯s a matter of just forming some good habits and sticking to them. Take time for yourself once in a while. Take regular days off. Actually allow yourself to be happy with more than bare necessities. It¡¯s not as easy as just telling yourself to do it, but it can be done¡­with help, if necessary.¡±


    Pushing aside the end of the suggestion and refusing to acknowledge it, Remy made haste in moving the conversation forward. ¡°I don¡¯t suppose there¡¯s any way to streamline the process?¡±


    Kate sighed before finishing her tea. ¡°You¡¯re not a machine, Remy.¡± She pushed her own unfinished bag of potato chips toward Remy, this time not entirely hiding her smile as Remy huffed and begrudgingly started filling her mouth with them. ¡°If you¡¯re trying to figure out how to make happiness more efficient, whatever you come up with probably isn¡¯t going to work. Some things take time, and they take however long they take. That¡¯s fine, though. There¡¯s no deadline, so take all the time you need. In fact, there¡¯s even time to stop and ask for help if you need it.¡±


    Remy wasn¡¯t particularly surprised by the emphasis at the end. In fact, she¡¯d been expecting it from the time she¡¯d started putting potato chips into her mouth. Trapped and out of excuses to not consider it for at least a few more seconds, she took a moment to seriously consider it. Kate¡¯s suggestions were usually only uncomfortable because the concepts were unfamiliar; it still typically concerned something that Remy actually wanted or, at the very least, had no legitimate reason to oppose. This, however, was something very different. She didn¡¯t know why, but the mere concept sickened her to her core and triggered every response in her mind telling her to run.


    ¡°I¡¯ll think about it.¡±


    Kate seemed to notice that something about Remy was off, not bothering with hiding the fact that she was letting the matter drop. ¡°Well, that can be tomorrow¡¯s problem. For now, you¡¯ve got more pressing matters¡ªnamely knocking Allison¡¯s socks off.¡±


    Grateful for the change in her train of thought, Remy couldn¡¯t help laughing at the idea. ¡°You might have finally bitten off more than you can chew.¡±


    ¡°You stop that right now.¡± Kate¡¯s voice was still kind, but it was suddenly stern as she stood. ¡°You¡¯ve only got a few hours to go, so this is no time to start backsliding. Speaking of which, we need to get going. You¡¯ve got a salon appointment in half an hour.¡±


    Remy flinched. ¡°A what, now?¡±


    Laughing softly, Kate again took Remy¡¯s hand and began gently pulling her to her feet. ¡°I know, I know¡­not your favorite thing in the world. I took it into consideration when I booked the appointment, so it¡¯s nothing too out there. They¡¯re going to clean up your eyebrows, and you could use a trim. Oh, and having your nails looked at wouldn¡¯t be a bad idea. Don¡¯t worry, they¡¯re not changing anything completely¡ªjust cleaning up what¡¯s already there. I made it clear to them when I called that when you walk out, you still need to be you.¡±


    Sighing softly, Remy let go of the list of defenses and persuasions she was already building to get out of the trip. Surprisingly, it was actually a relief. As gratitude led Remy to think about the fact that Kate had managed something as far removed from Remy¡¯s comfort zone as a salon trip without insisting that she become something she wasn¡¯t, a new question presented itself in Remy¡¯s wondering if anything similar could be said of Allison. She knew that having anything come of being with Allison in any capacity meant that, on some level, she was going to have to change. For the first time, though, she was considering the possibility that she would still be herself after she did. The idea of wanting was becoming a little easier to imagine.

 To Drift With You Forever

    "Did I pack the chargers with the plates?"


    Lily gave an almost exasperated sigh as she watched Allison frantically searching cabinets. "Yes, mon chou. That was the first thing you put in your car."


    "Oh...right. I packed the wine glasses, too, didn''t I?"


    Lily''s fingertips drummed impatiently on the granite countertop. "At the same time, yes."


    Allison''s eyes swept over the entirety of Lily''s kitchen several times. "Wait...what did I do with the blanket?"


    "You used it to wrap around the plates and glasses."


    With an expression that was vaguely reminiscent of defeat, Allison sighed and began taking slow, reluctant steps toward the living room. Just as Lily was beginning to smile with relief, Allison gasped as she turned on her heel. "My pie!"


    Lily eyed Allison with increasing suspicion as she continued to dart from one end of the kitchen to the other, searching high and low for various supplies before discovering that what she was trying to find was already secured in her trunk. While she initially thought it cute to see Allison so flustered, Lily looked as though she felt the humor in the situation had run its course. It was one thing to be nervous but, as time went on, it began to look less like nerves and more like stalling.


    Standing from her stool at the counter and looking slightly frustrated, Lily marched across the kitchen to the stovetop and retrieved the apple pie that had been cooling. She hastily packaged it in its covered dish, secured the lid and then turned to Allison with a hard stare.


    "You''ve already packed the plates, chargers and glasses. The blanket is wrapped around them all as a cushion. You''ve already packed the cutlery, all of the dishes are in their containers and the cooler is filled. Everything is secured safely in your car. You look amazing, by the way, so don''t bother checking that, either. Here''s your pie, the thing you actually came in here for¡ªten minutes ago."


    Allison stared at Lily in confusion for a moment, blinking in silence. Reaching out for the pie, her expression turned sheepish. "I did it again, didn''t I?"


    Lily''s expression softened immediately. "Don''t worry about it. That''s why I''m here¡ªto keep you grounded. I know you''re nervous, but you''re not dealing with it in the healthiest of ways. I''m glad you seem to have gotten past trying to talk yourself out of it, but you''ve replaced it with trying to make everything perfect."


    "What''s wrong with that?"


    "Everything if you end up missing the date because you''re running around and looking for things that you''ve already packed."


    Allison sighed as she looked down at the apple pie in her hands, its lattice crust glistening with the sparsely scattered granules of sugar that were intricately placed for no purpose other than catching the light. The pie on its own had taken hours, and that said nothing of everything else she''d been preparing since leaving work the night before. She hadn''t driven herself so hard toward excellence since her last exams. Nothing less than absolute perfection would suffice; even the smallest misstep could be grounds to discard an hour''s work without as much as a second glance at it. In a moment''s frustration, she''d even gone as far as to ask Lily to use the caf¨¦''s gas range as the coils on the electric range in her apartment were creating heat variances and she was struggling to account for them. Sensing what was happening and how far out of hand it would get if not brought under control quickly, Lily instead packed all of Allison''s equipment and ingredients into her car and brought them to her house instead. Allison vaguely wondered why Lily was so uneasy about finishing preparations for the date in the caf¨¦ but wouldn''t give any explanation as to why, but she was too grateful to press the issue.


    Thinking about it with a clearer mind now that she''d caught herself at it again, she started to worry about the toll that her seeking perfection had taken on Lily. The call that Allison made had been at just after three that morning and, between helping her move half of her kitchen across town that morning and sitting with her through her salon appointments that afternoon, Lily had been by her side the entire day. Allison looked up at her, her expression already apologetic.


    "Don''t you dare." Allison, her mouth already open to apologize, jumped in surprise when Lily cut her off before she could begin. As if reading her thoughts, Lily continued before Allison could collect herself. "I don''t expect you to apologize for being nervous. I know how much this means to you; why do you think I won''t let you miss it? Now stop thinking about it before you upset yourself. If you start crying and ruin that makeup, I really will be angry."


    Allison sputtered, still set on chastising herself but caught entirely off her guard. "But...you''ve been holding my hand all day¡ª"


    Lily scoffed as she led Allison to the living room. "Nothing more than you''d have done."


    Though it was absolutely true, guilt kept Allison from feeling that it was good enough. "You moved my entire kitchen¡ª"


    "It was important."


    "It was three in the morning!"


    Lily made a show of rolling her eyes even as she laughed. "Je m''en calisse."


    "Honestly, Lily. Such language..."


    Allison flinched as Charlotte''s voice hit her ear. It had a gentle lilting not unlike Lily''s aside from being much deeper, reminding Allison of old movies she''d seen starring Lauren Bacall. It wasn''t the only similarity, but it was the one that stood out to her the most. She turned to see Charlotte approaching, smiling mischievously as she gently patted her loose brown curls with a towel. Her hair still damp and wearing a bathrobe, she looked as if she had just finished a shower which, given the time, stood to reason as she had likely just gotten home from the school where she studied Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It was a sign of just how distracted Allison had been that she''d failed to notice Charlotte''s coming home, though her reaction would''ve been the same either way. She could never place exactly why, but something about Charlotte made her instinctively wary. It wasn''t a logical fear; Charlotte had never expressed any ill intent toward her, had always attempted to be welcoming and, as best as Allison could remember, she had never even seen Charlotte angry. It was like sharing a room with a calm tiger, knowing it could crush the life out of you on a whim and wondering why it was choosing not to.


    "Oh, dear...still not used to me yet?" Charlotte smiled kindly at Allison, making it clear that no legitimate offense had been taken.


    "I...well...no, not really," Allison shyly admitted. She continued looking down at her pie; looking up at someone just several inches short of six feet tall didn''t help her feel any less intimidated. "I''m pretty distracted anyway, though."


    Charlotte''s eyes lit up, her excitement making Allison imagine a tiger as it ambushed a wild boar. "Oh! That''s right, tonight is the big night, isn''t it? Are you ready?"


    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.


    Despite Lily''s stern gaze, Allison couldn''t deny that she was a nervous wreck. "My heart won''t stop racing, I feel like I''m going to faint, my stomach is in knots and I keep walking into rooms and forgetting why before I can get there.


    "Sounds like you''re ready to me." Charlotte gave another mischievous smirk as Allison knitted her brow in confusion. "If you''re that worked up about it, then I can''t imagine you have anywhere else you''d rather be tonight."


    Allison stared blankly for a moment as the realization set in. For just a moment, she considered for the first time what she would be doing that evening if any of her attempts to back out of her plans had succeeded. The thought didn''t last long; for a moment, a terrible wrenching sensation somewhere deep within her made her think she was about to be sick. Any vision for the night ahead that didn''t include Remy had the same effect. Even with new fears and old habits doing their best to drag her in any other direction, Charlotte''s logic held fast and kept her on her path forward.


    "I seriously don''t know why I''m like this."


    For the first time in all of the time Allison had known her, Charlotte looked surprised. "What do you mean? It''s only natural to be nervous."


    Allison gave a weak smile as she shook her head. "No, not that...well, not just that. I mean, I don''t know why I feel this way. I barely even know her."


    With a huff, Lily stepped closer to Charlotte and wrapped her arms around her while still giving Allison a hard stare. "And why should that matter?"


    Lily rested her head against Charlotte''s chest with a sigh. Her left hand found Charlotte''s, sending the soft click of metal against metal into the air as their wedding bands found each other. The sound was distinct, something Allison always heard at some point when they were all together and too clear to think that it wasn''t entirely deliberate on Lily''s part. Charlotte''s reaction was always the same, her eyes becoming unfocused and staring blankly as a faint smile took shape. It was enough to make Allison tremble, feeling that she was seeing into something private and sacred. She always maintained a respectful silence in those moments. This time, Charlotte returned to her senses to see Lily looking up at her expectantly. Words seemed to pass silently between them, and Charlotte took a cue that only the two of them understood.


    "She''s right, you know. You feel how you feel about her and, for now, that''s enough. If you want to know why, by all means, explore the feeling. Knowing her better will take care of itself in the process."


    Lily nodded slowly, her eyes now fixed on Charlotte. "You don''t have to wait for things to be perfect or make sense or meet any requirement other than that you both want to. Feeling that you have to wait any longer than that...nothing good can come of it. Ask me how I know."


    Watching them standing there in each others'' arms, Allison couldn''t help thinking that there was more to their assertions than mere observation, particularly where Lily was concerned. She was reminded of a moment several days earlier in which Lily made mention of the early days of their relationship and made it clear that there was even more to it than she''d mentioned up to that point. Allison suspected that this would eventually prove to be another case of speaking from experience, a thought that filled her with hope as she watched Lily looking up with adoration and Charlotte looking down with a burning intensity that made Allison wonder how Lily could bear its weight. That they could be this happy after starting from anything like what she was experiencing herself inspired confidence in Allison to not allow another opportunity to pass.


    Suddenly desperate to move time forward, she politely excused herself and left through the front door, something that had apparently come none too soon. As she turned to leave, Allison noticed Charlotte''s free hand gently tugging at the collar of Lily''s blouse. She didn''t think much of it until she stepped through the door and heard a faint, deep rumble in Charlotte''s throat take shape as a barely audible whisper.


    "Enl¨¨ve."


    Blushing furiously and stifling her giggling until she could get far enough from their front door to not be heard, Allison was certain that, though she didn''t know exactly what it meant, there was more than enough context to guess. Scrambling into her car''s driver''s seat and slamming the door shut behind her, she took a full minute to collect herself.


    Is that something to look forward to, too?


    The thought came from seemingly nowhere, though a bit more consideration made Allison wonder if some earlier teasing from Lily was at least partially to blame. Not that she was opposed to the idea; it was more that there was entirely too much demanding her attention to be able to focus on it. All things considered, it felt too much like putting the cart before the horse to be worrying about things like that when she hadn''t fully mastered having a conversation with her yet. Lily had been oddly insistent that she at least consider the possibility in their preparations, though Allison thought it to be a bit much for a first date and chalked it up to the fact that it was something that tended to occupy Lily''s thoughts far more often than her own. Thinking about it in that moment, though, Allison began to wonder about the possibilities as she started her car. Giving herself a quick glance in the mirror, she smiled at the thought more than her reflection.


    Well, she was right about that much, at least. I do look good tonight.


    Even putting that thought aside, Allison couldn''t help wondering about what expectations to have of the future, if any at all. She couldn''t entirely get past the feeling that it was too early to expect anything at all, but the conversation she''d just had certainly gave her cause to reconsider her position. Putting it into a slightly different context, Allison stopped thinking of it as having expectations and instead as having a desired eventual outcome. Surprisingly, she went from not wanting to think about the future to not being able to. In spite of her best efforts, she couldn''t think of any specific desires that she could even use as the basis of any expectations...except one.


    Stay with me.


    It wasn''t an expectation, and it wasn''t even a desire as much as it was a desperate plea. It was the only thing that she ever wanted of anyone, but it was too hard to find. She felt foolish for building any hopes on the idea, instead preferring to be pleasantly surprised when it happened in spite of her expectations. It was a much easier way to live, especially considering that Lily and Charlotte were the only ones to not disappoint. Both had made it abundantly clear that they wouldn''t be going anywhere, and neither had any reservations about repeating their intentions whenever Allison seemed that she needed to hear it. It had been months since it last came up but, at one point, it was a conversation that was had at least once a week. Coming to Violet Meadows was the greatest journey of Allison''s life, but it cost her dearly. One of the most difficult challenges to follow was being willing to believe that it was a price that she was finally done paying.


    Thinking about how much of themselves they had given to help Allison rebuild herself, it seemed outlandish to ask anything remotely close from Remy, much less expect it. Much of the reason for her waning interest in a serious relationship or even close friendships in recent months stemmed from questioning just how feasible it was given what she wanted. It felt like a miracle that she''d met Lily and Charlotte; wasn''t that enough? As much as she wanted to tell herself that she was being greedy, she knew the answer before she thought to pose the question. There was still a piece missing and, now that she''d met Remy, there was no putting the genie back into the bottle. She still had more questions than answers, but she was beginning to have some difficulty in caring. Now more than ever, there was only one place she wanted to be that night.


    Driving along the streets, Allison attempted to remain focused on anything other than where she was headed, but the effort was in vain. She wasn''t particularly surprised to find that, as had become her new normal, her thoughts could only go so far before eventually drifting back to Remy. The silver lining was that, unlike how time usually dragged on excruciatingly slowly in those moments, she seemed to be hurtling toward the future instead. She blinked and was halfway across town; she blinked again and she was pulling into a parking space the Square. The entire time, her thoughts were only of one thing and in one place. Instead of tempering expectations and holding back, she began to let go and found herself once again in familiar territory. She didn''t know much of anything about how to meet needs, but fulfilling desires was a talent and she was finally beginning to play to her strengths.


    There was a momentary interruption to her new train of thought when, after several minutes of wandering aimlessly while scanning the growing crowd in the park, her eyes fell on the wisteria tree in the center of the square. Towering above, its gently raining lavender petals were already being illuminated by spotlights in the ground near its trunk as the sun began to sink below the horizon. On a bench surrounded by fallen petals, beauty personified caused all else to pale in comparison. Eyes looked up to meet Allison''s, and the rest of the world faded away. There was nowhere else she wanted to be, no significance to be found outside of that place in that moment.

 So Lets Never Look Back

    There was a time when Remy often found herself in situations similar to the one she currently faced, in entirely unfamiliar territory and scared out of her mind as she wondered how she''d managed to get herself into such a mess. The last time it happened was an hour after she''d arrived in Violet Meadows, when she was sitting in a motel room that she''d spent nearly the last of her savings renting while coming to the realization that, after months of running, she''d finally run out of road. It was an exception, though, and had become an almost fond memory. She''d poured everything she had into finding work and, after being offered a job stocking shelves in a nearby grocery store after only three days, Remy finally began to see herself as being capable of caring for herself, entirely independent of the conditional love and acceptance that she''d believed for so long was the only thing keeping her alive. It was the beginning of something beautiful, a life she could actually see herself living. It was hardly the glamorous existence she''d been conditioned to expect, but working a job she didn''t mind while surrounded by people who actually cared about her was every bit as precious by virtue of its rarity alone.


    Thinking about it again, Remy wondered if this was also the beginning of something beautiful. For all of her anxiety, she''d chosen to be there more than once. Over the past several days, there was time to come to terms with the fact that her reluctance was based on some powerful emotions, but a lack of desire was nowhere among them. Kate had been adamant about making that point as many times as was required for Remy to start believing it and, as reluctant as she was to admit defeat, there was no denying that Kate had made her point. Of all of the arguments Remy had made against her own interests, none of them stood up to any scrutiny. She was nervous, which Kate said was to be expected. She was also afraid, which Kate told her was understandable given the circumstances. Still, none of that changed the fact that not only did Remy want this, but there was no reason that she shouldn''t. Try as she might, whether out of self-destructive habit or morbid curiosity, Remy could come up with no counterargument. She wanted to be there, and no amount of lack of familiarity with wanting could change that.


    Sitting on a bench in the Square, Remy did her best to continue following Kate''s advice and keep her attention on her appearance. Though she''d said that it was for the sake of not making any last minute mistakes that would ruin makeup or stain clothes, Remy suspected that it had more to do with just giving her something to occupy her thoughts to keep them from taking a turn for the worse. As often as it had happened¡ªespecially over the last several days¡ªit was a reasonable concern. Even as she approached her destination, Remy was so busy fighting herself to either believe in Kate or believe the worst that she''d nearly turned around and gone home purely for fear that she couldn''t endure the strain. It was only the pain that came with the thought of being anywhere else that kept her moving forward until she''d found her seat.


    Remy felt fortunate to not have to think about where to wait for Allison to arrive, the location essentially chosen for her by a strange encounter. The day after agreeing to the date, she found herself speaking with a customer she remembered having met once before who had apparently asked for her by name this time. Just as the first time, her appearance was concerning; her long black hair was a tangled mess, her clothes looked as if she''d slept in them and she smelled strongly of liquor, but not the stale smell Remy expected from a late night out the prior evening. The aura of alcohol she radiated couldn''t have been more than a few hours old, something that gave Remy cause for concern at nine in the morning.


    Also mirroring their first encounter, the woman defied all expectations by having what was, on its surface, a largely normal conversation. Remy expected nothing short of a tirade during their first encounter, but she only seemed interested in locating produce that was several months out of season. The only thing that was odd was that the woman kept asking questions and then studying her intently, as if gauging her responses. Relieved that she''d seemed satisfied enough to leave, Remy put her out of her mind and hadn''t thought about her again until coming to the customer service counter to find her waiting. This time, the conversation quickly shifted from out of stock produce to the wisteria tree in the Square. She sang the praises of the tree as if she was writing poetry, something that stood out as so strange and beautiful that Remy couldn''t help thinking about it again when speaking with Kate about appearances. The speech about the wisteria tree painted a picture in her mind of seeing Allison sitting there and waiting for her and, without hesitation, Remy decided that if she could inspire a fraction of what she was feeling in Allison, then there was no other choice to be made.


    Remy checked her watch and saw that she still had ten minutes to wait. She groaned, for the first time cursing herself for her habit of being early for fear of being late. She initially only thought to arrive reasonably early to ensure that Allison wasn''t waiting for her and assumed that, as with any other important appointment, twenty minutes would suffice. She hadn''t taken into consideration that it would mean twenty minutes of being locked in a cage with her own thoughts, something that again drew her attention back to Kate''s suggestion of focusing on her appearance. It was a strange thing for her to think of doing as she very rarely gave it any significant thought, typically at most giving herself a cursory glance in the mirror in the morning on her way to work. Then again, if it would fill a few minutes with anything other than trying to control her breathing, it seemed worth trying.


    As she glanced down at herself, Remy had to admit that Kate had outdone herself. As Remy had little interest in fashion, she''d never gone out of her way to bring it up in conversation but, apparently, Kate had an eye for such things. Remy gave up immediately when it came to questioning Kate as she held up her phone with pictures of various clothing items while looking at her, then either smiling or shaking her head before continuing her search. It took more than an hour for her to look satisfied and, after having sat there for so long, Remy agreed immediately for fear that any argument or question might lead to more searching. It wasn''t until earlier that afternoon that she finally found out what she would be wearing. She looked down at the form-fitting light blue jeans that she''d struggled to squeeze herself into, surprised that she''d managed to become comfortable in them. She couldn''t say quite as much about the off shoulder ivory top, the low neckline coming dangerously close to showing cleavage. It was a slightly unsettling thought as even her shoulders were more than she was accustomed to showing. Luckily, the taupe flats were simple, familiar and comfortable.


    With the exception of getting used to showing quite so much of her skin, Remy was surprised to find herself largely comfortable overall, the entire outfit not being far removed from things she likely would''ve picked out for herself. She briefly worried about how casual it all was, but Kate shut down the concern immediately. She said that being comfortable was far more important than trying to impress, especially if that''s not how you normally dress. What was important, however, was highlighting the qualities of what was normal that attracted Allison in the first place, and then sparingly adding a little extra to draw the eye to them. It initially seemed to Remy that the explanation was too convenient, but Kate had certainly stuck to the strategy through the salon appointment. While intimidating at first, Remy had to admit that she''d misjudged the experience when she finally saw the relaxed and welcoming atmosphere for herself. Her last salon appointment was years earlier when she was still being regularly dragged there by her mother, and the experience had no relation whatsoever to the events of that day. Back then, it was being forced into chairs by cruelly gossiping strangers to be turned into something unrecognizable while her own feelings about her own body were summarily dismissed as soon as they were heard. Several hours earlier, Remy had to put conscious effort into not letting her mouth hang open in shock when a stylist asked for her permission before even touching her hair. It was difficult to remember that Violet Meadows was clearly nothing like any place she''d ever lived before, but the reminders were certainly pleasant.


    Overall, Remy was quite pleased with the day''s efforts. Her outfit was simple, the most dramatic change to her makeup was adding a small amount of eyeshadow and lip gloss to her usual eyeliner and foundation, and the biggest change to her hair was not pulling it back into a ponytail and letting it fall freely to the middle of her back. Everything else was just taking an extra step that she usually didn''t have the energy or patience to take herself. She definitely looked noticeably different, but she still looked like what she expected to see in her reflection, not a twisted version of herself wearing someone else''s face.


    This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.


    I just hope it isn''t for nothing.


    One nagging thought that Remy hadn''t quite managed to dispel entirely was the fear that, somehow, she''d managed to misinterpret Allison''s intentions after all. While she was long past the point of trying to argue that Kate was right in that all of the signs pointed to the evening''s plans being a loose justification for a date, there was still no confirmation that a date was Allison''s intent, much less that she saw Remy in a remotely similar way to how Remy saw her. All of the evidence was circumstantial. She''d stopped voicing the concern for fear of making Kate think that she didn''t appreciate all that she was doing for her or that she disagreed with what Kate was saying, but the lack of hard evidence made it difficult to simply dive right in. It brought to mind thoughts of preparing to jump without inspecting the bungee cord herself; no matter how unlikely it was that she would be proven wrong, she couldn''t justify the risk of moving forward blindly when the damage was so easily prevented¡ªand likely irreversible. Ironically, she found reasonable justification to be hesitant just in time for it to not matter. She had already made the decision to move forward, and more than once. The pain she felt when considering turning back earlier that day made a point far better than any other: No matter how far this road went, Remy was determined to walk until she came to the end of it.


    I''ve run out of road before. So far, it''s been working out pretty well for me.


    Just as Remy was having the thought, her resolve was immediately tested. The evening breeze picked up and brought a familiar scent her way, something delicate that was reminiscent of pears and jasmine. She began to smile peacefully as she was flooded with warmth when recognition finally came to her. It was a perfume that she''d encountered before, but only in one place and only with one person.


    Allison.


    The serenity that washed over her was short-lived. Lost in a peaceful haze, it took some time for her fear to find her again and, when it did, its urgency was all the greater. Just as quickly as she''d begun to peacefully drift away, she was snapped back into the present and dropped straight into a state already bordering on panic. It took several seconds to come to her senses but, when she did and the threat to her sense of calm finally made itself apparent, reality seemed to collapse in on itself with her at its center.


    Wait...Allison?


    Her heart hammering, Remy slowly turned her head until her eyes fell on Allison. The birds above and the idle chatter around went silent, and the residents and tourists walking through the area vanished. In that moment, there was only Allison; even as the observer, Remy''s existence paled in significance by comparison.


    "Sorry...I''m staring. It''s just...you look really nice tonight. I wasn''t ready for it."


    Allison''s voice was usually a cause of Remy''s dazes, but the significance of her words turned them into a guiding light leading her out of this one. It was the only thing serving as a reminder that she was just as guilty. "I...can relate. You look amazing."


    It was a testament to Remy''s restraint that she managed to not say any more than she did. Even after returning to her senses, just looking at Allison thretened to send her mind off into the clouds again. Everything about her appearance was new to Remy. Her aqua hair, usually pulled back while she was working, was flowing freely in gentle waves past her shoulders. Instead of her chef coat and pants in the caf¨¦''s colors, she was wearing a white spaghetti strap dress that fell to the middle of her thigh with a pale lavender floral print and a low neckline that tested Remy''s restraint even more. Even her shoes were completely unfamiliar, her usual ballet flats replaced with kitten heel sandals with lavender straps. Remy struggled to restrain a smile when she realized that she was witnessing Allison''s flair for the artistic at work, remembering the picnic theme of the new menu she was showcasing and recognizing that the fact that she looked ready for an elegant garden party couldn''t be a coincidence. At the same time, though, there was a certain allure that was a step beyond even Allison''s usual charm that Remy found slightly overwhelming. She couldn''t help wondering if it was deliberate...and perhaps for her benefit.


    Remy didn''t manage to pull herself away from her musings until she realized that the silence had gone on a little too long. She looked up to see Allison''s face turning a deep scarlet, making Remy wonder if the simple compliment had been enough to cause it.


    No...no way. She''s got to be used to hearing that all the time.


    Before Remy could fully convince herself that her words had no meaning, Allison cut through her thoughts. "If you''re going to keep flustering me like that, then I should sit down. May I?"


    Struggling to process exactly what she''d just heard, Remy nodded enthusiastically as she searched for appropriate words. She rushed to pick up the chocolate leather clutch on the bench next to her and place it in her lap. Allison took a seat, looking a little unsteady on her feet as she made her way to the bench. Remy''s breath caught when she realized that, despite all of the available space, there was only a hand''s width between their shoulders. She felt electricity coursing through her skin, warmth spreading from her shoulder throughout her entire body. Allison, her hands on her lap and fidgeting, cautiously turned to Remy with a nervous smile.


    "Mind if I''m honest?"


    Still trying to force her brain into gear, Remy stalled for time by shaking her head. "N¡ªno...no.  Honest is good."


    Looking somewhat encouraged, Allison gave an uneasy laugh. "I know it''s not helping me look particularly impressive tonight, but...I''m a little nervous. I''m not the best at this."


    Several questions occurred to Remy at once, and she had some difficulty in choosing one to start with. "Not the best at what?"


    There was a long pause and a deep breath before Allison continued. "D¡ªdating, I mean. I can''t even remember the last time I went on one, and I''ve never been the one to ask before so this is pretty much new territory for me." Suddenly, her expression began to take a turn toward worry. "I...guess I never really came out and said it, did I? What I had in mind, I mean. If you''re not into that, I totally underst¡ª"


    "No!" Remy could feel the heat rising to her face as she saw Allison''s startled expression, but she didn''t care. In that moment, all she could think was that this conversation was taking a turn she didn''t want...and one that didn''t need to be taken. She had to stop it. "I mean...no, that''s not it. I''m just...surprised. I''ve been sitting here for the last couple of days and hoping it was, but..."


    Again, Allison''s expression shifted, now looking split between excited and hopeful. "But...?"


    Remy was beginning to feel self-conscious now that her plan to redirect the conversation had succeeded, but she refused to let the opportunity go to waste. "It...seemed like too much to hope for."


    Allison looked down at her hands, smiling widely. "I''m starting to get the feeling that we''ve got two very different ideas about each other." She took another deep breath, then looked up at Remy, her aquamarine eyes sparkling. "Well, I guess we can start clearing up misunderstandings with this one.  Yeah...I was definitely asking you out on a date. Since you don''t seem to mind that idea, well...may I?"


    Remy nodded without having any idea what she was agreeing to allow. Allison moved closer, closing what little distance there was between them before slowly moving her hand toward Remy''s. Remy froze in place as if watching a bird and fearful of scaring it away, struggling to keep her hand from trembling as Allison''s wrapped around it. With a touch more delicate than Remy ever would''ve thought possible, Allison''s hand slid into hers, lacing their fingers together before leaning against Remy''s shoulder. Somewhere in the sea of thoughts shouting over each other and demanding Remy''s attention, one rose above them all.


    I hope this road never ends.

 The Stars Light Our Path Ahead

    Somewhere in the back of her mind, Allison wondered how long she could make a single moment last. Even with everything she was grateful to have, sitting next to Remy in her favorite place in the city and holding her hand while leaning against her, there was one more thing she wanted. More than anything else that she didn''t have in that moment, she wanted for it to never end.


    She looked up at Remy, sitting up straight and as stiff as a board as she stared off into the distance. She was often infuriatingly difficult to read when she wasn''t saying anything¡ªand often even when she was¡ªbut it was especially frustrating at the moment as Allison''s concerns went well beyond merely satisfying her curiosity. As much as a relief as it was that Remy had agreed to being there in the capacity of a date, that didn''t mean that she was having a good time. Worry began to rear its head again as Allison considered the fact that when it came to the invitation to an evening picnic, her success had largely felt like luck. She was a long way from knowing Remy well enough to know with certainty what kinds of things she did or didn''t like in a general context, let alone a specifically romantic one. Remy, sitting as still as stone, was giving no indication of her thoughts one way or the other.


    The realization that she had no idea at all what to assume caused Allison to remember her earlier conversations with Lily and, feeling hopeful, she again decided to stop assuming the worst. "So...question."


    "Yes?"


    Feeling Remy jump beneath her, Allison found herself breathing easier in spite of herself as it occurred to her that Remy''s stoic nature could very easily be masking the fact that she was nervous, as well. Suddenly, Allison no longer felt that she was necessarily at a disadvantage. "I know this isn''t exactly what I promised..."


    Remy began to shift in her seat, again giving the impression that she was uneasy about something. "I don''t mind a change of plans, if that''s what you''re about to say."


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s part of it, but¡­well, I was thinking that we¡¯ve been just sitting here for a while, now.¡±


    In a surprising moment, Remy¡¯s expression finally betrayed some emotion, looking somewhat disappointed. ¡°Oh¡­did you want to get going?¡±


    In spite of her intentions, Allison momentarily abandoned her plans to be more accommodating and tightened her grip on Remy¡¯s arm. ¡°Hell no.¡±


    Again, Allison was surprised when Remy laughed softly and returned the gesture with a gentle and reassuring squeeze of her hand. ¡°As long as we¡¯re being honest, I wasn¡¯t really in a hurry to go anywhere, either. This is nice. I was actually looking for an excuse to stay a little longer.¡±


    Allison breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of a breath she hadn¡¯t realized she was holding. When Remy turned a curious glance in her direction, she couldn¡¯t ignore feeling compelled to explain herself. ¡°I¡¯ve been worrying that I haven¡¯t been showing you a particularly good time. It¡¯s hard to tell what you¡¯re thinking most of the time.¡±


    Remy turned her gaze away while giving a weak smile. ¡°So I¡¯ve been told. Sorry. Communicating isn¡¯t really one of my strengths, and¡­well, when it comes to dating, I¡¯m out of my element, too.¡±


    It was Allison¡¯s turn to look up with curiosity. ¡°Don¡¯t be sorry. What makes you say that, though? Some of the best conversations I have are with you¡ª¡± She stopped short when she realized that Remy¡¯s being largely silent wasn¡¯t anything new; she simply hadn¡¯t given herself a chance to notice it before, at least not while they were together. ¡°I guess I do most of the talking.¡±


    Seemingly noticing something in Allison¡¯s expression, Remy spoke up unusually quickly. ¡°That¡¯s why I like talking to you. I don¡¯t always have something to say, and you¡¯re one of the few people who¡¯ll let me just listen. Besides, I¡­¡± Suddenly going quiet, Remy¡¯s cheeks took on the burgundy tint that always made Allison¡¯s heart flutter. ¡°¡­I like listening to you talk.¡±


    On some level, Allison realized that she should be cautious about pressing Remy for information. Still, curiosity burned its way through her resolve. ¡°Oh? What do you like about it?¡±


    For a moment, Remy looked as if she was concentrating. ¡°I like seeing how excited you get about things, like when you come up with ideas for new recipes or when someone gives the caf¨¦ a good review, or even when you¡¯re just in a good mood because it¡¯s a good day. You always have this look on your face like you¡¯re experiencing it for the first time. It¡¯s¡­cute. I want to know more about how you see things and why they make you so happy. I guess I¡­I just want to know more about you.¡±


    Allison looked up at Remy, her lips parted as she stared in shock. There was a long moment spent feeling as if she was frozen in time and waiting to feel her heart beat again. Of all of her wishing for this moment and daydreaming about what it may be when it came, it had all been with the expectation that she would have to give Remy a reason to want her. It had never occurred to her to even hope that Remy had ever thought about her enough to have any specific interest already. It wasn¡¯t until the silence went on long enough to draw Remy¡¯s attention and she warily turned her gaze to her side that Allison realized she was still staring wordlessly. She laughed at herself as she leaned against Remy¡¯s shoulder again.


    ¡°¡®Out of my element,¡¯ she says.¡±


    Remy¡¯s wary gaze suddenly became concerned. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m having a hard time believing that you don¡¯t know exactly what you¡¯re doing when it comes to dating.¡±


    ¡°Wh¡ªwhat do you mean?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re not exactly making it easy to let you go.¡±


    Allison stifled a giggle as Remy began to shift uncomfortably in her seat and press her lips together to keep a smile at bay. Remy was all but impervious to being flustered, which made opening up to her that much more daunting. Though Allison had no desire to upset her, there was comfort to be found in realizing that she wasn¡¯t the only one with feelings that were difficult to contain. More than that, there was an immeasurable level of satisfaction that came with knowing that she had at least some effect on Remy, after all.


    Seemingly bringing her emotions under her control once again, Remy finally spoke with a slightly shaky voice. ¡°Well, it¡¯s not like I planned it or anything. I just¡­got lucky, I guess.¡±


    Still smiling, Allison shook her head. ¡°No, you got honest. For the record, that¡¯s better.¡±


    ¡°Maybe, but it¡¯s still too much to say that I have any idea what I¡¯m doing.¡±


    Allison looked up, once again curious. ¡°That¡¯s¡­surprising.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡±


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    ¡°You¡¯re joking, right?¡± Met with only a raised eyebrow, Allison went from curious to incredulous. ¡°Look at you! That alone made me not want to ask you out. I thought you¡¯d be sick of getting hit on.¡±


    Remy startled Allison by bursting into laughter. ¡°What? Hit on by who?¡±


    ¡°Who wouldn¡¯t? You¡¯ve got legs for days and enough curves to make a mountain road self-conscious. Do you have any idea how many times I¡¯d be in the middle of a sentence and forget what I was talking about because I¡ª¡±


    Allison stopped dead when Remy turned away, failing to hide the fact that the burgundy tint to her cheeks was rapidly spreading down to her neck. Her gaze was unfocused, and her characteristically rigid posture began to falter as, even sitting down, she looked increasingly unsteady. She looked as if she may faint.


    ¡°I¡­I always thought you were¡­just getting bored of the conversation.¡±


    Allison leaned into Remy again, her nose stopping dangerously close to the still deepening shade of red along her neck. An intoxicating fragrance suddenly filled the air around Allison, her senses overtaken by the fragrance of lilies, amber and a mild spiciness that she couldn¡¯t place. It made her head spin as she drunkenly glanced up at Remy, who still looked to be struggling to reorient herself again. Allison was only just barely able to focus enough to begin to understand how Remy must be feeling in that moment.


    ¡°Sorry. I know that I can be a lot to deal with sometimes, especially since you¡­well, you¡¯ve said before that you¡¯re not exactly a people person. I just thought that, well¡­I thought you knew. Like I said¡­well, look at you. Haven¡¯t you ever noticed people staring?¡±


    Remy didn¡¯t respond immediately. She was inhaling deeply and seemingly holding her breath for a slightly worryingly long time before slowly releasing it. ¡°I¡­I mean, yeah, but¡­I¡¯m tall. Too tall. It¡¯s weird¡ª¡±


    Remy was interrupted by Allison, who pressed her fingertip to the tip of Remy¡¯s nose. ¡°Boop.¡±


    Looking momentarily confused and still a bit dazed, Remy seemed to be forcing herself to concentrate on continuing. ¡°I¡¯m lanky, I loom over people when I¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    ¡°My face scares people. Everybody always thinks I¡¯m mad or somethi¡ª¡±


    ¡°Booooop.¡±


    Remy gave a frustrated sigh, looking simultaneously confused and slightly amused. ¡°Okay, what¡¯s going on here?¡±


    Allison struggled to keep a straight face as she leaned back enough to look Remy in the eye. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m just hitting the button to skip through your dialogue tree. I don¡¯t like this part.¡±


    After a brief moment of more confusion, Remy burst into laughter in spite of herself. ¡°Okay, okay, I get it. It¡¯s true, though¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop. Maybe that¡¯s how you see yourself, but trust me, it¡¯s just you. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever come in to see you and not seen somebody drooling over you¡­and that¡¯s just your looks.¡±


    Allison wanted desperately to continue, but seeing Remy finally regain her composure made her stop short. As much as she wanted to keep singing Remy¡¯s praises, she couldn¡¯t help thinking that she¡¯d put her through enough for the moment. Thinking quickly, she tactfully altered the course of the conversation.


    ¡°Well, now that we¡¯ve established that you are, in fact, hot¡ªdon¡¯t waste your breath, I¡¯m ready to die on this hill¡ªI guess we should get on with this date. Not that I want to let go, but I have been keeping you here for a while, now.¡±


    Remy seemed to be thinking hard about something for a moment before responding. ¡°Well¡­before we go, could we¡­?¡±


    As her voice trailed off, Allison looked up at Remy to see her staring off into the distance. Following her gaze, Allison found herself looking down Camino Boulevard, the avenue that ran through the park forming the exact center of the city. Running in a straight line downhill, the streetlights that had recently come on for the evening illuminated a long row of trees and planters filled with blooming violets that ran to the coastal road and stopped just short of touching the sandy shoreline. Allison looked past the beach and realized for the first time that the space cleared by the boulevard and the downhill view from above gave their bench an entirely unobstructed view of the sun as it slowly sank into the ocean. For the second time, she found herself waiting endlessly for her heart to beat again.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing this on purpose, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Remy looked down at Allison, looking slightly unsettled. ¡°Doing what?¡±


    Leaning into Remy¡¯s side again, Allison dispensed entirely with caution as she felt the tip of her nose brush against her neck. Smiling at the shudder she felt run through Remy, she inhaled deeply and let the scent of lilies and amber overwhelm her again. ¡°Out of your element, indeed.¡±


    Remy sputtered, clearly at a complete loss. ¡°I swear, I have no idea what you mean. I¡­I just¡ª¡±


    Laughing softly, Allison gave Remy¡¯s arm a soft squeeze as she watched the sun¡¯s glow illuminate the gently rolling waves. ¡°I know, I know¡­I¡¯m just messing with you. You¡¯re better at this than you think, though. I thought I was the one that was supposed to be showing you a good time.¡±


    There was a soft sigh as Remy continued to struggle for words. ¡°You think you aren¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°Like I said, you¡¯re hard to read sometimes.¡±


    Allison thought about that for a moment and realized that, in the last several minutes, she¡¯d seen more emotion from Remy than she had in all of the time that had passed since they¡¯d met. It was everything that she¡¯d hoped, finally seeing a side of Remy that she¡¯d never known before. It felt as if she was seeing something that was only meant for her, and the thought filled her with a desire that wasn¡¯t entirely familiar to her. It was like walking a mountain trail and finding flecks of gold in a stream; she¡¯d found something beautiful and precious, a secret treasure that was hers alone. She was filled with a sudden sense of inexplicable jealousy, desperate to protect her treasure from threats unknown. Suddenly, it occurred to her that the feeling wasn¡¯t all that unfamiliar, after all.


    ¡°I always did hate them.¡±


    Remy looked as if she¡¯d suddenly been shaken out of her thoughts. ¡°Who?¡±


    ¡°Your customers.¡± Still floating in the haze of Remy¡¯s scent and presence, it took Allison a moment for her thoughts to clear enough to realize that she¡¯d said more than she¡¯d intended. ¡°When I would come into the store to see you, I really did always see someone drooling over you. Every time, I¡¯d see at least one person sitting there and staring at you. Sometimes, it was more than one and I¡¯d hear them talking.¡±


    Remy again looked uneasy. ¡°Talking about what?¡±


    ¡°What they¡¯d say to you. Trying to figure you out, guessing at what pickup lines would work on you, wondering what you¡¯re like in bed¡ª¡± Allison cut herself off, but not in time to avoid saying one word too many. Seeing Remy again beginning to fluster, she hurried to push past the moment. ¡°It always pissed me off.¡±


    Still processing what she¡¯d heard, Remy seemed to be wrestling with exactly what she wanted to ask. ¡°Why?¡±


    Because you¡¯re mine.


    Fear of upsetting Remy again caused Allison to force her thoughts to a screeching halt before her voice could catch up to them. There was a brief but noticeable pause while she searched for a suitable replacement for what she¡¯d just narrowly avoided saying. ¡°Because I saw you first.¡±


    There was another long pause as Remy watched the last rays of sunlight disappear into the ocean. ¡°It¡¯s¡­not like I¡¯m some prize you have to fight over¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Remy laughed quietly. ¡°No, I¡­I mean¡­well, even if I¡¯d known¡­it¡¯s not like you would¡¯ve had any competition.¡±


    As the sun finally faded from view, Allison looked up to see the first star to come into view in the night sky and signal that the time to depart had come. The moment that she¡¯d been dreading suddenly seemed far less daunting, the fear slowly being replaced with a newfound sense of confidence. Releasing Remy¡¯s arm long enough for her to stand was no longer something to be avoided as it finally occurred to Allison that, ultimately, it didn¡¯t really matter. Determination would make up the difference.


    I¡¯m never letting you go.

 And Theres No Reason to Turn Back

    Making her way through the park toward Allison¡¯s car, Remy¡¯s focus was in constant danger of shattering. Adrift in a sea of emotions pulling her along like a current, she was on the verge of simply letting herself be pulled along rather than trying to swim to shore. Instinct screamed at her to take control, and memory blared like a warning siren and reminded her of the danger inherent to being at peace. Fear instilled in her in another lifetime maintained its post and continued to serve its purpose, driving her to push any other feelings down to keep them from distracting her from taking action. Each attempt failed as catastrophically as the last.


    As the sun had set and they¡¯d finally begun to get up from their bench, Allison had finally released Remy¡¯s arm to allow her to stand. She hadn¡¯t made any secret of her reluctance to do so, though, only enduring the task with a pout firmly in place on her face. That look was hardly the beginning of her assault on Remy¡¯s focus, but it was when she¡¯d finally taken notice of it. Seeing how desperately Allison had held onto her as they tried to delay sunset was the final nail in the coffin of Remy¡¯s insisting that there was anything to the moment other than Allison¡¯s desire to share it with her. When Allison took half a step back to allow Remy to stand but flatly refused to release her hand entirely and left their fingers laced together, Remy was vaguely reminded of Kate¡¯s way of making a point by relentlessly driving it home until she¡¯d abandoned her habitual resisting by formally surrendering to reason. Smiling up at Allison as she stood, it was only with some difficulty that she didn¡¯t vocally acknowledge that she was finally willing to admit that this was, in fact, a date.


    Once Remy was on her feet, Allison¡¯s pout had disappeared in an instant, replaced with a wide smile as she again claimed Remy¡¯s arm as if planting a flag on conquered land. Remy¡¯s head had begun to spin. No longer hiding behind a wall of self-sabotaging thoughts, Allison¡¯s affection hit her with its full might. That was the moment when Remy realized that she had begun to take leave of her senses. Looking down at Allison, smiling up at her with her aquamarine eyes sparkling in the light of the street lamps, Remy¡¯s eyes had made a decision to drift downward toward Allison¡¯s smile. Her deep rose lipstick faintly shimmered in the light, drawing Remy¡¯s gaze and dominating her sight. Seeing Allison¡¯s eyes slowly widen with what looked like surprise had brought Remy back to her senses just in time to notice that she was slowly leaning forward. Too disoriented to think of a justification for what she¡¯d nearly done, she could only slowly begin walking and hope that Allison didn¡¯t ask any questions. She didn¡¯t, though the mood had certainly changed in a way that Remy couldn¡¯t place.


    Doing her best to suppress abject horror, Remy struggled to regain her focus. Fearing that she¡¯d ruined what had already been a better evening than she¡¯d ever dared to hope to have, she was determined to not allow herself to do any further damage. That was the beginning of what proved to be a long series of failed attempts by logic and reason to prevail.


    Remy tried her best to focus on anything that would bring her thoughts to her surroundings¡ªand, hopefully, her actions¡ªbut nothing could contest Allison¡¯s claim on her attention. When taking a step, Allison¡¯s hip lightly brushed against hers and nearly caused her to collapse, her legs momentarily useless and refusing to support her weight. The evening breeze would carry the delicate fragrance of pears and jasmine to her nose and cause her to drunkenly stumble, and the gentle laughter that followed rang in her ears and refused to allow any other sound to pass. No matter where she attempted to place her focus, Allison reclaimed it with ease as if welcoming the challenge.


    ¡°Hmph.¡±


    For the first time, something managed to break through the haze of desire fogging Remy¡¯s thoughts. Unsurprisingly, it was still Allison¡¯s voice that managed the feat. She looked down at Allison to see her staring off into the distance, glaring fiercely at whatever she was seeing as if trying to burn a hole through it.


    ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    The weight of the unspoken words chained to the terse reply made Remy¡¯s blood run cold. Thinking that she was finally seeing the consequences of her actions, there was a brief attempt to both form an acceptable apology at the same time as wondering exactly what it was that she¡¯d done to offend. Desperate for context, she attempted to follow Allison¡¯s gaze but saw nothing other than several other people walking in their direction. Though she couldn¡¯t see any problem that Allison may be having with them, she was continuing to stare intently as they drew near. Breathing a sigh of relief after seeing that she didn¡¯t appear to be the cause of the problem herself, Remy studied the small group closest to them in search of an explanation.


    They were a group of five, two women and three men who all appeared to be in their thirties, typical for the town''s tourist traffic. Nothing about them stood out as being particularly noteworthy, looking like any number of tourists currently making their way through the city and taking in the sights. They were too far away for Remy to hear what they were saying, but they appeared to be in the middle of an animated conversation and in good spirits. From their unsteady balance and occasional stumbling, Remy couldn¡¯t help thinking that their mood was a little too good. The only one that managed to catch Remy¡¯s attention was one of the men who seemed to be looking at her and Allison in particular. When his eyes met Remy¡¯s, he quickly looked away and said something to the group that triggered some laughter and a playful shove from one of the women. He continued to occasionally glance in their direction and, seeing that he now had Remy¡¯s full attention, he immediately looked away again.


    Having no idea what was happening other than that it was somehow significant, Remy was finally willing to resort to turning to Allison again for answers before the opportunity passed. As the groups drew near to each other, Remy rushed for words to pose her question before anyone else was close enough to hear. Just as she was opening her mouth to speak, the same woman who¡¯d shoved the man earlier and appeared to have been relentlessly teasing him since gave him another push, this time with enough force to move him in their direction only moments before they would pass each other. Following an annoyed expression from him and several giggles from the others with him, he appeared to be collecting himself, reminding Remy of the feeling of working up the courage to do something she didn¡¯t necessarily want to do. Finally turning toward them, his eyes again met Remy¡¯s as he took a step in their direction.


    Remy was almost relieved as she thought she was finally about to get some answers, but the thought was disrupted by a sudden pressure on her arm. Allison was gripping her so tightly that it was just short of being painful, though Remy vaguely thought that it wasn¡¯t enough of a reason to ask her to let go. The man walking toward them froze, his face contorted with terror while looking down at Allison as if just noticing her for the first time. Remy looked down at Allison, who had leaned her head against Remy¡¯s shoulder. She couldn¡¯t see Allison¡¯s face, but it wasn¡¯t hard to guess what the man was seeing as he stumbled backward, nearly falling over and looking as if he was backing away from a snarling wolf. He scrambled away and back to his group, all of whom had fallen silent and looked nearly as fearful.


    Unable to stand the confusion any longer, Remy waited just long enough to be certain that they were out of earshot before turning to Allison, who was still clutching Remy¡¯s arm as if fearful that she may escape. ¡°What the hell was that?¡±


    ¡°Nothing now.¡±


    ¡°Do you know them?¡±


    ¡°Nope. Lucky them.¡±


    ¡°Where are they going?¡±


    ¡°Straight to hell if they don¡¯t keep walking.¡±


    Feeling as if she understood the situation less than she had before she¡¯d bothered asking, Remy slowed enough to turn behind her. As if they¡¯d heard the dire warning, the group was walking with a newfound sense of purpose away from them now that they¡¯d passed each other. Feeling Allison slow to a stop, Remy turned to see her looking up apologetically.


    ¡°Sorry, I¡ªI mean¡­I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    Remy could only stand there staring for a moment, watching Allison looking back at her and studying her. It was similar to how she¡¯d looked at her when they were still on the bench and Allison mentioned how difficult Remy could be to read. Seeing that Allison needed something from her that she wasn¡¯t getting forced Remy¡¯s mind into gear, renewing her determination to make sense of the situation.


    Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.


    ¡°Alright¡­first things first. What are you sorry for?¡±


    Allison turned her eyes to the ground, looking ashamed. ¡°I¡­well, I wouldn¡¯t normally say that I have a temper. When I see someone looking at you like that, though, I just¡­¡±


    Seeing Allison lost for words filled Remy with sympathy. She hurried to take pressure off of Allison by moving the conversation forward. ¡°Looking at me like what, exactly?¡±


    Allison looked up again, her brow furrowed in a mix of confusion and surprise. ¡°You really don¡¯t see it, do you?¡±


    Remy thought carefully about what she¡¯d seen before responding. ¡°They looked¡­I don¡¯t know. Drunk, probably. It didn¡¯t really look out of place; it¡¯s tourist season, after all.¡±


    Allison chuckled softly in spite of her worry. ¡°Well, yes, there¡¯s that, but¡­he wasn¡¯t looking at us. He was looking at you.¡±


    Something about Allison¡¯s tone made Remy reconsider what she¡¯d just said and, at the same time, reminded her of what Allison said about how people look at her when they come into the grocery store. In an instant, a series of confusing elements in the situation clicked into place.


    ¡°Oh¡­oh, you don¡¯t think he was looking at me like that, do you? I mean, why would he? It¡¯s not like I¡¯m¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Remy wanted to continue to be frustrated and argue, but seeing Allison¡¯s smile slowly returning as she stood there and pressing a fingertip to her nose brought a sense of relief that pushed aside all else. She sighed and reworded her protest. ¡°Okay, let¡¯s say you¡¯re right. It¡¯s not like he was going to do anything about it.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you see him coming toward us?¡±


    ¡°Well, yeah, but his friend pushed him.¡±


    ¡°And why do you think that was? What do you think they were laughing about?¡±


    ¡°But¡­that doesn¡¯t make sense.¡±


    ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°We¡¯re obviously together. What would I even want with anyone else when I have you?¡±


    It was Remy¡¯s turn to fail to read Allison¡¯s expression. She stared up at Remy, eyes shimmering as she slowly reached up and brought her hand to rest on Remy¡¯s cheek. She took a step forward, but seemed to change her mind about whatever she was thinking as she came to a sudden stop. Instead, she leaned against Remy as she wrapped her arms around her.


    ¡°If you don¡¯t know what you¡¯re doing, then why do you always know exactly what I want to hear?¡±


    Remy thought for a moment, but nothing like a reasonable explanation came to her. ¡°I have to assume it¡¯s luck.¡±


    With a soft sigh, Allison pulled back enough to look into Remy¡¯s eyes. ¡°It feels more like you¡¯re just made for me.¡±


    As she was about to dispute the claim purely as a reflex, a thought occurred to Remy. There was a fear deep within her, this time demanding that she see herself as being presumptuous for doing anything else. Thinking about everything that had just passed between them, though, Remy was filled with a need to be reassuring, and that feeling took priority over shame or even fear.


    ¡°That¡­does seem to be the case, doesn¡¯t it? I mean¡­things have a funny way of always working out with you. If that¡¯s true, though¡­well¡­that means I¡¯m made for you.¡±


    Remy¡¯s voice trembled, but that drove the urgency to put sufficient emphasis on her final word. Judging by the way Allison¡¯s eyes widened and a note of what appeared to be satisfaction, it seemed that the message had been conveyed. A long moment of silence passed as Allison again looked at Remy as she had earlier, resting a hand on her cheek and staring as if looking at something far away. Again, she seemed to be on the verge of something before changing her mind, taking a step back with a note of disappointment. Just as Remy was wondering if she¡¯d chosen her words poorly after all, Allison took her arm again and began gently pulling her along the path.


    ¡°I really am sorry, though. It¡¯s stupid to get jealous of random strangers, even if they were checking you out. It¡¯s not like¡­like I have you under contract or something.¡±


    I can have one drawn up, if you want.


    Remy flinched at the shock of hearing her own thought. She couldn¡¯t say where it had come from, but she couldn¡¯t bring herself to disagree with it, either. The more she thought about it, the more she felt the same warmth spreading through her that came any time she thought about Allison. Though she understood feeling apologetic about it, Remy didn¡¯t hold it against her. On the contrary, she had to put conscious effort into not smiling when she considered that Allison would be so adamant about keeping her for herself. In the back of her thoughts, Remy gave a silent apology to Kate as she¡¯d been right after all. They did seem to want the same things. Feeling hesitant to voice her thoughts, she rushed for better words to fill the silence, though she couldn¡¯t allow the sentiment to go to waste entirely.


    ¡°We might not have a contract, but you still don¡¯t have any competition.¡±


    The short walk continued in silence, with Allison¡¯s only communication being to occasionally glance up at Remy while looking peaceful and content. As the parking lot came into view, though, she began to fidget and her face became heavy with worry. She led Remy to a small and expensive-looking white sedan and, after reaching a hand into her purse, Remy heard a soft beeping sound as the doors unlocked and the trunk lid began to slowly open.


    ¡°Okay¡­okay. Here we go.¡±


    Remy looked to Allison with a hint of concern, wondering why she suddenly seemed so unsettled. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Allison stood in silence for a long moment, staring at several plastic bins on her rear seat as if they¡¯d just challenged her to a fight. ¡°Nothing¡­it¡¯s nothing. Why don¡¯t you go and find a table? Pick any one you want; I¡¯ll be there in just a minute.¡±


    Remy glanced inside of Allison¡¯s car. There were bins of various sizes everywhere, the leather bench seat covered with them. Several small boxes and baskets were resting on the floorboards, and the front passenger seat had a large, round plastic container secured in place with the seat belt. None of it included whatever was in her trunk. Allison reached into the back seat and pulled out one of the bins, making an odd rattling sound as she moved it. Remy watched cautiously, wary of the sudden change in mood but unable to bring herself to ignore it.


    ¡°What should I grab?¡±


    Again, Allison seemed too distracted to answer immediately. She looked up at Remy after several seconds with a note of surprise as though she¡¯d forgotten that she was there. ¡°Oh, you don¡¯t have to worry about anything. Just pick a seat you like.¡±


    ¡°I can¡¯t let you carry all of this by yourself.¡±


    ¡°Really, you don¡¯t have to worry about it.¡±


    ¡°This¡¯ll take forever to move alone. Let me help.¡±


    ¡°No, it¡¯s fine, I¡ª¡±


    ¡°Allison?¡±


    Unable to endure any more mysteries, Remy reached out without thinking and placed her hands underneath Allison¡¯s, holding them while helping her support the plastic bin that was surprisingly heavy and strangely cold. She looked into Allison¡¯s eyes, fearful of what she saw in them. Normally bright and cheerful, they now looked creased with worry while burning with focus. While Remy might have let it go under any other circumstances, seeing Allison in distress overtook any other concern she had in that moment. When Allison looked back, something in Remy¡¯s expression seemed to bring back her familiar softness. She sighed and let go of the bin, then walked to Remy¡¯s side and wrapped her arms around her waist.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­again. I¡¯m all over the place tonight, I know. I¡¯m just¡­nervous.¡±


    ¡°About what?¡±


    ¡°This.¡± Allison turned her eyes to her open car door and the bins remaining on her seats. ¡°I¡­don¡¯t get to cook for people often. Ever, really.¡±


    Remy looked at the car seat and then back at Allison, certain that she was missing something important. ¡°You didn¡¯t quit your job, did you?¡±


    Laughing quietly, Allison tightened her grip on Remy¡¯s waist. ¡°No, I mean¡­well¡­cooking for something important. Especially something this important. I need everything to be perfect.¡±


    ¡°There¡¯s no need to worry, really. It¡¯s just me, after all¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    In spite of her concern, Remy couldn¡¯t help chuckling. ¡°No, I mean¡­well, I¡¯m no food critic or anything, and I¡¯m not a picky eater. I¡¯m not going to judge you, so there¡¯s no need to be stressed out over it. To be completely honest, I want it no matter what just because you made it.¡±


    Remy had vague thoughts about Allison as she stood there, holding her close and sighing with content. She didn¡¯t understand people most of the time and, unfortunately, this was one of the few times when Allison wasn¡¯t necessarily an exception. Still, she couldn¡¯t help feeling hopeful as, once again, it seemed that she¡¯d somehow effortlessly said the right thing. Feeling something soft on her cheek, Remy turned to see Allison¡¯s face pressed to the side of hers.

 So Well Leave the Past Behind with the Sunset

    52.5 degrees¡­that¡¯s as good as it¡¯s going to get. Now, how the hell does Lily do that pour?


    Allison stared absentmindedly at her reflection in a beautifully polished glacette as she considered the wine bottle it held, feeling as if she was about to enter a duel with it. She¡¯d watched Lily serve tea countless times with a flair that she¡¯d never seen from anyone else in person, lifting teapots as high as her face and pouring into cups on tables below her waist without as much as a drop spilled. For a long time, Lily insisted on white table linens just to prove it. Expertise in showmanship was one of many reasons that the caf¨¦ had earned its reputation for its excellent service. As Allison stared at the glacette and remembered all of her disastrous attempts to replicate the pour over the last several days, she could no longer deny that she¡¯d sent herself on a fool¡¯s errand. She¡¯d held onto hope that she¡¯d manage it in time for the date but, with everything else that had to be done that she¡¯d reluctantly admitted was far more important, there simply wasn¡¯t time to pick up a skill that Lily had likely spent years mastering. She scowled at the wine bottle, feeling as though it had somehow defeated her.


    It¡¯s just as well. Even if I could do it, that can¡¯t be good for the wine.


    ¡°You¡¯re doing it again, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Jumping in surprise, Allison looked up at the sound of Remy¡¯s voice. She was smiling kindly, but she couldn¡¯t entirely hide the worry behind her gaze. Allison felt a pang of guilt, having momentarily forgotten that Remy was sitting there with an empty glass and patiently waiting for her to check the temperature of the wine bottle. Worse than keeping her waiting was the fact that it was only because of something she¡¯d already resolved to put behind her.


    ¡°Sorry, sorry¡­I guess I¡¯ve still got some bad habits to break.¡±


    ¡°Apologizing for who you are is the first one.¡±


    Briefly unable to meet Remy¡¯s gaze, Allison was looking down at the wine bottle again before quickly turning her eyes upward. She was about to insist that she had a personal failing to correct, but seeing Remy still smiling at her somehow made it easier to accept the kindness rather than reject it out of habit. Feeling warm inside, she finally returned Remy¡¯s smile with one of her own.


    ¡°Alright, fine¡­I guess you might have a point.¡±


    ¡°I should think so. You¡¯ve rubbed my nose raw tonight making the same one.¡±


    Allison laughed cheerfully as she remembered the one of the most recent of the many excuses she¡¯d found to touch Remy. ¡°That¡¯s different.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s the exact same.¡±


    ¡°No, definitely completely different.¡±


    ¡°How?¡±


    ¡°We were talking about you, not me.¡±


    Turning her nose upward and huffing proudly as if Remy¡¯s lack of reaction was acceptance rather than stunned silence, Allison did her best to keep a straight face as she lifted the wine bottle from the glacette. Judging by Remy¡¯s frustrated expression that was slowly fading into a reluctant smile, Allison could only conclude that she wasn¡¯t particularly convincing. Placing her left hand behind her back, she tilted the bottle toward the glass and began to slowly pour. Seeing Remy¡¯s eyes go wide as her expression shifted from amusement to awe, the feeling of warmth grew from a glowing ember into a crackling fire. The moment was soured slightly when Allison noticed a tiny drop of red on the taupe linen tablecloth she¡¯d spread over the picnic table but, just as she was about to apologize for it, Remy interrupted the thought.


    ¡°I thought you weren¡¯t going to push yourself so hard.¡±


    Allison stared in confusion. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°That was¡­fancy.¡±


    ¡°Fancy?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve only seen people do that on food shows about expensive restaurants.¡±


    ¡°That¡­that was¡­normal. It¡¯s just how it¡¯s done.¡± Even as she tried to deny that there was anything special about the pour, Allison could feel the heat rising to her face.


    ¡°That was normal?¡± Remy chuckled, looking incredulous. ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re not wasting your time with me? Even I think you could do better.¡±


    Allison scoffed playfully as she began filling her own glass in the same manner, though her irritation with the question wasn¡¯t entirely for show. ¡°Like I¡¯d take your word for it. You¡¯re lucky my hands are full; you¡¯d better either keep your nose covered or hope I forget that I owe you one.¡± Setting the feeling aside, she gave a quick glance at Remy from the corner of her eye and saw the same look of amazement return as she completed the second pour. The crackling fire was threatening to become an open blaze.


    Yeah, no. I don¡¯t see anyone ever doing better than you.


    Looking around, Allison repressed an urge to sigh as she took in the sight of plastic bins spread across a nearby table. There was a full service to complete, and the circumstances weren¡¯t entirely ideal. Though she had a number of ideas for how to add to the presentation of an outdoor meal that would bring the aesthetic in line with expectations of the caf¨¦, there simply hadn¡¯t been time to implement many of them. It wasn¡¯t for lack of trying. She¡¯d spent several hours researching everything from portable glass front refrigerators to weatherproof seat cushions to tea trolleys with sturdier wheels that could be pushed across grass, but the overwhelming majority of what she needed simply didn¡¯t exist, in the exact form she needed if at all. While she¡¯d managed to come up with some creative solutions, most would involve minor but time-consuming modifications to existing hardware at best and, at worst, custom fabrication. While she¡¯d started the process and expected to have everything she needed by the debut of her menu during the Parade of Violets, she could find no way to make it happen in time for her date. It felt like a failure on her part, and it was difficult to focus on the service when it felt as if it had already crashed and burned before leaving the ground.


    Glancing up, she noticed that Remy hadn¡¯t touched her wine glass. She wondered for a moment if there was anything wrong with it before she saw Remy staring blankly at the glass across the table from her rather than her own. More fuel was added to the fire within her when she realized that, true to her word, Remy wasn¡¯t worrying about the service at all. She was just politely waiting to be joined. Placing the wine bottle back into the glacette, Allison sighed with content as her smile widened.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    Remy looked up from Allison¡¯s glass, turning the attention toward her with a note of concern. ¡°What?¡±


    ¡°You.¡±


    ¡°Me?¡±


    Allison laughed softly as she grabbed the stem of her glass. ¡°Yes, you. Isn¡¯t that enough of a reason to be happy?¡± Looking into Remy¡¯s eyes and seeing the gears turning, she quickly added, ¡°Choose your words carefully. The skin on your nose must be getting pretty thin by now.¡±


    Remy tried in vain to hide her smile with an irritated groan as she reached for her glass. ¡°Fine, you win. I¡¯m¡­a reason to¡­be happy. I guess.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you finally decided to see reason¡­I guess.¡±


    Allison restrained a sigh of relief when she heard Remy¡¯s quiet laughter. She was fully aware of the hypocrisy in her demands, so she was grateful that Remy was willing to let it slide. Still, she made a mental note to not abuse the privilege she¡¯d been granted. It wasn¡¯t that she didn¡¯t intend to make good on her own promise of being more reasonable in judging herself, but rather that she couldn¡¯t help seeing Remy¡¯s doing so as being a more pressing matter. Though she admitted that there were some flaws in her logic, Allison couldn¡¯t entirely set aside the feeling that it really was different somehow. Her own shortcomings weren¡¯t a matter of debate as she was acutely aware of the fact they existed; at the same time, she was equally certain of Remy¡¯s lack of them.


    Seeing that Remy was still waiting for her, Allison took the next step forward by taking a sip from her glass. She watched intently as she waited for Remy to follow suit, holding her breath in anticipation as another worry returned to the front of her thoughts. Remy took a short sip that was followed by a look of surprise and a significantly longer drink before she set the glass back on the table, looking quite pleased. Allison couldn¡¯t entirely suppress her sigh of relief this time, drawing a curious glance her way. Feeling some embarrassment but recognizing that it was too late to hide it, Allison began what felt strangely like a confession.


    ¡°I¡­wasn¡¯t entirely sure about the wine.¡±


    Remy raised an eyebrow. ¡°Why? It¡¯s good¡­not that I¡¯m surprised.¡±


    Allison smiled, her embarrassment being drowned out by roaring fire. ¡°I wasn¡¯t sure what kind of wine you¡¯d like. Actually, I didn¡¯t even know if you drink wine or not, so I had to guess. I just went with what seemed like the best of my options.¡±


    With an uncharacteristically mischievous smirk, Remy lifted her glass and peered at Allison over the top of it. ¡°So, what I¡¯m hearing is that you did what you thought was best and it worked. Weird¡­it¡¯s almost like you¡¯re good at what you do or something.¡±


    Doing her best to ignore the heat rising to her face, Allison smiled down at her own glass. ¡°Well¡­I mean¡­I really didn¡¯t know what you¡¯d like and I couldn¡¯t really bring more than a few bottles, so I just looked at the list of what I had in mind for the menu and went with the middle-of-the-road option in terms of balance and versatility. I was thinking that an oaked chardonnay would likely be the most popular choice since I¡¯m expecting poultry to be the main draw, but a red C?tes du Rh?ne seemed like a better choice for trying a little of everything, especially since I didn¡¯t know what your preferences were. I thought that something a little sweeter might work out a bit better on its own but still pair reasonably well across the board, and it would really shine with some of the slightly spicy dishes. Then, there¡¯s the fact that¡­¡±


    Allison looked up to see that Remy, in the middle of tasting the wine again, was watching her with intense focus. It was disarming, but also alarming in that it made Allison realize just how long she¡¯d been speaking without pause. Initially, it made her remorseful over having somehow slipped into monopolizing the conversation again but, remembering how it started, she was reminded of what Remy said to her earlier about preferring to listen¡ªand enjoying listening to her especially. It brought to mind the many times they¡¯d spoken in the past and all of the times that Allison had seen her wear a similar expression that she¡¯d come to adore, showing the same intense focus that made it clear she was actually listening. It was such a rarity, it had taken some time for Allison to understand exactly what she was seeing. Finding herself the center of that kind of attention even as she spoke about nothing in particular, she felt as if she was Remy¡¯s only concern in the world.


    Her heart fluttering, Allison stood and began making her way to one of the plastic bins. ¡°Well¡­anyway, I¡¯m glad you like it.¡±


    ¡°I do. I¡¯m more of a fan of sweet things, anyway.¡±


    Opening one of the bins and removing a covered dish, Allison was setting aside her surprise that Remy would prefer sweetness and making a mental note of it when she felt something heavy hanging in the air. She looked up to see Remy staring back at her, a mischievous smirk once again taking shape. Having a sneaking suspicion as to what was coming, Allison narrowed her eyes as she forced her smile to remain neutral.


    ¡°Don¡¯t. You. Dare.¡±


    Remy took another sip of her wine, her smile widening. ¡°Well, I do have a weakness for them.¡±


    Allison placed the covered dish on the table and slowly stepped closer to her. ¡°Remy¡­¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m just saying¡­¡±


    ¡°Remy Dauphine, I¡¯m warning you!¡±


    ¡°I did say yes to tonight, didn¡¯t I?¡±


    Giggling, Allison leaned forward and draped her arms over Remy¡¯s shoulders, coming close enough for their noses to nearly touch. ¡°I most certainly am not¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    As Remy gave Allison one of her own touches to the tip of her nose, Allison gave Remy one of her own frustrated sighs. No matter her feelings on the matter, there was no arguing with the logic. ¡°Fine, you win. I¡¯m¡­sweet. I guess.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m glad you finally decided to see reason¡­I guess.¡±


    Allison looked into Remy¡¯s eyes, the intense gaze all that she could see¡­for a moment. Before she realized it, her eyes drifted from the deep chocolate of her eyes to the dark ruby of her lip gloss, once again bringing a desire to mind that she was having an increasingly difficult time denying. She¡¯d resisted the urge twice already, doubt clouding her mind and causing her to hesitate long enough to feel that the opportunity had passed. Nearly ready to throw caution to the wind, Allison stared at Remy¡¯s parted lips and became vaguely aware that no breath was passing by them. Determination to put fears aside and half of a glass of wine for good measure seemed to have finally broken down some of the barriers between them, but there was a fear that pushing too hard and too quickly could undo the effort. For the second time, Allison settled for allowing her lips to brush Remy¡¯s cheek instead.


    No¡­not yet. Soon, though. I can only go so long without you.


    Pulling herself away from Remy with no small amount of effort, Allison returned to the dish and removed its cover. Underneath was a sectioned plastic container filled with the makings of an elaborate charcuterie board, a vast array of meats, cheeses and fruits that Allison began removing and arranging on a stone slab that she¡¯d placed nearby. Remy, looking slightly dazed, finally took notice of what she was doing and began watching carefully, looking as if she was taking notes. Once the work was done, Allison once again pulled the wine bottle from the glacette and filled Remy¡¯s glass before replacing it and beginning to make her way back to her seat. Feeling a soft touch trying to hold her in place, she turned to see that Remy, suddenly blushing fiercely and looking away, had taken her by the hand.


    ¡°You¡­you said you wanted to show me a good time, right? Well¡­this is what I want.¡±


    Still gently tugging at Allison¡¯s arm, Remy led her to the bench seat next to her. As much as Allison wanted to protest in favor of her carefully laid plans, it occurred to her that those plans were for the sake of giving Remy what she thought she would want. Hearing Remy voice a desire outweighed all of it, even if it wasn¡¯t following her original plan. It reminded her of the conversation she¡¯d had with Mari and the realization that what Remy most likely appreciated about her was her willingness to give her what she truly wanted instead of what it was assumed she would expect. Again grateful to Mari for preventing her from making a terrible mistake, she redoubled her effort to set her fears aside sat down on the bench. Eyeing the cheeses, she sliced away some of the Ossau-Iraty and lifted it to Remy¡¯s lips before carefully watching her and anxiously waiting. Seeing surprise one again fading into satisfaction, Allison smiled as she leaned against Remy¡¯s shoulder and took a bite, herself.


    This is what I want, too.

 And Well Streak Through the Night Sky

    ¡°Aaaaaah¡­¡±


    ¡°Allison, you don¡¯t have to¡ª¡±


    ¡°Aaaaaah!¡±


    ¡°Really, it¡¯s not necessary¡ª¡±


    Remy gave an exasperated sigh as Allison stared back at her, an expression of irritation taking shape like dark clouds gathering on the horizon. Her lips formed a stern pout as she continued to hold a fork loaded with potato salad aloft. With the look of annoyance rapidly intensifying and the fork still hovering in the air as still as stone in front of her face, Remy knew with absolute certainty that the matter wasn¡¯t negotiable. As if confirming the suspicion, Allison released her pout just enough to speak once more.


    ¡°Aah.¡±


    Sighing again as a smile began to form, Remy parted her lips and leaned forward. In the time it took her to blink, Allison¡¯s mood shifted to excitement as she carefully placed the fork in Remy¡¯s mouth. Remy had to focus to not laugh out loud as she saw how quickly the change had taken place.


    How are you this cute? Even when you¡¯re mad, you¡¯re adorable.


    Even if she wasn¡¯t legitimately angry, the irritated look was too intense to think that it was just an act. The only other explanation for how quickly it had changed was that, in spite of how intense that irritation seemed to be, she cared more about what she wanted than she did about briefly not having it. It gave Remy the impression that she was someone who was accustomed to getting her way. The thought that would normally annoy her to no end but, watching Allison¡¯s cheerful smile outshine the glow of the street lamps above, Remy could only feel an overwhelming need to give in and spoil her more.


    Seemingly encouraged by Remy¡¯s pleased response to the potato salad, Allison excitedly loaded the fork again. It was the same as it had been with the charcuterie board earlier; she had quite literally not allowed Remy to lift a finger through the entire course, feeding her everything she tasted. Given that she was the type to take the lead, Remy initially assumed that there was something to the order of the different foods that was significant but, when Allison started to ask her what she wanted to try next, it became apparent that she was simply intent on pampering her. It made her feel awkward and uncomfortable, prompting her to give a reminder that Allison was supposed to be relaxing rather than worrying about being a perfect host. Before she could say anything, though, the look of joy on Allison¡¯s face stopped the argument in her throat. Thinking about it more, Remy had to admit that Allison certainly seemed more relaxed than she had initially, the return of her usual cheer being a world removed from the nervous energy that she¡¯d been radiating as she began unloading her car. Though Remy couldn¡¯t understand it, something about pampering her seemed to be making Allison happy. That led Remy to reluctantly admit that being given so much attention wasn¡¯t entirely unpleasant and, more than that, she wasn¡¯t entirely certain that she would¡¯ve complained even if it had been.


    Whatever it takes to make her smile.


    It wasn¡¯t until half of the potato salad on Remy¡¯s plate had been eaten that she noticed that Allison¡¯s own plate had yet to be touched. Allison appeared to be either oblivious or uninterested, still cheerfully feeding Remy and paying the food in front of her no attention. The same thing had happened with the charcuterie board, and Remy¡¯s vague sense of discomfort again quickly took the form of overwhelming guilt.


    ¡°Allison?¡±


    In the middle of loading the fork again, Allison looked up in surprise. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat¡¯s wrong?¡±


    Restraining another sigh, Remy pointed at Allison¡¯s plate. ¡°As much as I love having your attention¡­¡±


    Allison looked down at her plate, a note of confusion momentarily contorting her features before she began laughing quietly. ¡°I was getting to it.¡±


    Gently placing a hand on Allison¡¯s, Remy¡¯s gaze became stern. ¡°Eat.¡±


    ¡°I will, I just¡ª¡±


    ¡°Eat.¡±


    Looking as if she was thinking hard about something, Allison was quiet for a moment before finally relenting, her pout already beginning to resurface. ¡°Fine, I guess I¡¯ll¡ªhey!¡±


    It was Remy¡¯s turn to be surprised, wondering what she¡¯d done to earn Allison¡¯s reaction of what looked like shock as she reached for her fork. ¡°What? What¡¯s wrong?¡± She looked at Allison, who didn¡¯t seem to be looking directly at her. Following her line of sight, Remy realized that Allison wasn¡¯t looking at her as much as the fork in her hand, staring intently as though it had somehow offended her. Realizing what was happening, Remy couldn¡¯t entirely contain a chuckle.


    ¡°Really?¡±


    Allison stabbed her fork into her potato salad, showing none of the gentle care she¡¯d shown when feeding Remy and looking as if she was in the midst of some sort of time trial. ¡°Really.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not going to pretend I understand entirely, but you really don¡¯t have to, you know¡­especially if it means not eating yourself.¡±


    Her mouth full, Allison seemed to be concentrating again as she chewed for far less time than Remy felt was safe before swallowing. She turned her eyes toward Remy, no longer looking annoyed or playful anywhere near as much as pleading. ¡°I¡­won¡¯t take long.¡±


    Allison again shoveled more into her mouth, moving so quickly that Remy flinched, thinking that she¡¯d just stabbed herself. Smiling, Remy reached out again, this time gently caressing her cheek. ¡°Okay, okay¡­I¡¯ll wait. Just slow down before you choke.¡±


    Coming to a dead stop in an instant, Allison¡¯s gaze became unfocused as her cheeks took on color. She looked up at Remy, smiling at her with a dreamlike gaze and nodding before returning her attention to her plate. Remy¡¯s concern hadn¡¯t quite faded, but her heart softened on seeing how much it meant to Allison that things continued as they were. She still didn¡¯t understand, but Remy was willing to compromise as long as Allison wasn¡¯t neglecting herself, especially for her sake. There was still an underlying sense of guilt that kept trying to creep to the front of all of her emotions, but the feeling of being cared for was managing to keep ahead of it. It was unfamiliar, but it wasn¡¯t unwelcome. It just took some getting used to.


    Besides¡­it¡¯s not like I can say no to you for long.


    Remy watched quietly as Allison ate, marveling at how everything about her could be so perfect. Even the way she ate, taking small, polite bites once the sense of urgency finally left her, brought to Remy¡¯s mind everything she¡¯d learned that a perfect lady should be. For the first time since finally rejecting such expectations when she¡¯d grown weary of having them placed on her, she was able to appreciate them. She still didn¡¯t feel that meeting anyone¡¯s expectations suited her, a point that had been driven home more than once since meeting Allison, someone who seemed to accept everything about her willingly. Seeing Allison¡¯s flawlessly meeting those expectations herself, however, made Remy think that the idea had at least some merit. There was no arguing with results, and Allison was a perfect example of everything she did.


    You really could do better than me, you know.


    Allison suddenly stopped eating and began looking back and forth between Remy¡¯s plate and her own. Both plates were cleared to roughly the same extent. After a nervous glance at Remy from the corner of her eye, she again turned her attention to Remy¡¯s plate and loaded her fork before lifting it to Remy¡¯s lips.


    ¡°There¡­now we¡¯re even. Aaaaaah¡­¡±


    There was a knee-jerk reaction telling her to argue but, seeing that Allison had done what was asked of her to a reasonable extent and noticing the hopeful expression on her face, Remy again smiled and parted her lips. As the fork touched her tongue, a vague thought began to form that filled her with a sensation that she couldn¡¯t quite place. Smiling peacefully, Allison pulled back her fork and loaded it again before taking a bite herself. The sight of it sent a cascade of emotion crashing down on Remy as she finally realized that, with the beginning of the current course and the need for silverware, Allison had only been using one fork the entire time. Seeing Allison eating with the same fork that had been feeding her made Remy¡¯s face burn, causing her to instinctively look away as, for the first time since they¡¯d started eating, her head began swimming and she was all but incapable of focusing. Nobody paid as much attention to her as Allison, though, so she wasn¡¯t particularly surprised when she saw Allison looking at her and burning with curiosity. Not even being able to imagine just how awkward she must look in that moment, Remy didn¡¯t bother trying to avoid explaining and quickly began fumbling for words.


    ¡°I¡­I didn¡¯t realize at first¡­I mean¡­¡±


    Following Remy¡¯s glances down to her fork, Allison stared at it for a moment before acknowledgment became apparent on her face. Rapidly turning a deep crimson, she gave an embarrassed laugh. ¡°I¡­sorry, I¡­guess I wasn¡¯t thinking. I didn¡¯t mean to¡ª¡±


    If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.Something about Allison¡¯s expression, heavy with what looked like disappointment, caused Remy¡¯s thoughts to clear just enough to seize the opportunity to take decisive action. Looking at the loaded fork in Allison¡¯s hand, she ignored both the apology and the burning in her face and again parted her lips.


    ¡°Aaaaaah¡­¡±


    Her hand slightly trembling with what could¡¯ve been either excitement or relief, Allison lifted the fork to Remy¡¯s lips. Silently chiding herself for having strange thoughts, Remy couldn¡¯t ignore the fact that, in spite of already thinking that Allison had outdone herself, she couldn¡¯t help thinking that everything somehow suddenly tasted even better.


    The course continued quietly, with Allison¡¯s going back and forth between feeding Remy and eating herself. It wasn¡¯t until both plates were clear that she finally spoke again as she stood and, taking the plates from their chargers, headed back to the plastic bins.


    ¡°So¡­what did you think?¡±


    If I die right now, I¡¯ve lived a full life.


    Coming to her senses just in time to avoid voicing her thoughts, Remy scrambled for more appropriate words. ¡°It was amazing.¡± With a sly glance at Allison, she added, ¡°Surprising nobody, of course.¡±


    Allison stifled a giggle as she quickly turned away. ¡°Oh, come on¡­it wasn¡¯t that good.¡±


    Remy shook her head, her expression suddenly stern. ¡°It most certainly was. You definitely hit the mark you were aiming for. The texture was smooth¡ªfluffy, even. You barely had to chew it. Also, the flavors were balanced. It definitely falls in line with what I would expect from the caf¨¦ but, at the same time, you wouldn¡¯t mistake it for anything other than potato salad. Combining the extravagance and the familiarity might take people some time, especially when starting off with something as fancy as wine and cheese. I doubt it will take long, though. It sure didn¡¯t take long for me to start thinking of every other potato salad I¡¯ve ever had at every other picnic, but this is just¡­better. If anything, I¡¯d be more concerned that you¡¯ve ruined it for everyone just because you¡¯ve raised the bar for potato salad too high.¡±


    Allison came to a stop as she was approaching with another covered dish, staring blankly at Remy and looking dazed. It took a noticeable length of time for her to recover, looking down at the dish in her hands as though she¡¯d forgotten she was holding it. She placed it carefully on the table before reaching out and cradling Remy¡¯s cheek in her palm, staring into her eyes with the same incomprehensible expression that Remy had seen several times earlier, looking as though she was trying to reach a decision about something. Eventually, she gave a slightly strained smile as she pulled her hand away before reaching for new plates.


    ¡°I¡­thought you said you didn¡¯t know anything about cooking.¡±


    Still trying to make sense of Allison¡¯s reaction, Remy put the thought aside for a moment to respond. ¡°I don¡¯t. Those were just observations.¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s hard to believe that you gave a response that detailed without knowing anything.¡±


    Seeing where the conversation was going, Remy was ready to make any sacrifice to send it in a different direction, gladly trading one humiliating admission for another. ¡°Believe me, I don¡¯t. To date, my greatest culinary accomplishment has been finally figuring out how to get all of the ravioli out of the can without splattering half of my kitchen with tomato sauce.¡±


    Remy nearly breathed a sigh of relief when Allison, holding her stomach and laughing, seemed to be sufficiently distracted from her line of questioning. Before she could let it out, however, she received a harsh reminder of Allison¡¯s expert knowledge that she admired so much.


    ¡°That bad, huh? Then how did you learn about balancing flavors?¡±


    Remy froze in place, holding her breath and waiting as if hoping Allison would pass by without noticing her. Seeing the curiosity and expectation in her expression and realizing that there was no avoiding the question without outright lying, Remy finally admitted defeat. ¡°I¡­may have done some research over the last few days.¡±


    Still laughing softly at what she had likely assumed was a joke about the tomato sauce, Allison¡¯s mind apparently needed a moment to process the implications of what she¡¯d just heard. After a long moment, her eyes slowly widened. ¡°Wait¡­do you mean¡­?¡±


    Remy nodded as if she was looking at a judge and pleading guilty. ¡°Yeah, I¡­studied. For a date.¡±


    There was a long pause, the moment filled only by Allison¡¯s staring in shock while Remy looked anywhere other than back at her. The moment came to an abrupt end with a loud squeal that startled Remy and started her heart hammering madly. Before she could ask what was happening, Allison had wrapped her arms around Remy and buried her face in her neck.


    ¡°And you called me sweet!¡±


    Remy¡¯s brain raced through its store of memories for anything that would give the moment some much needed context, but it produced nothing. ¡°I¡­wait, what?¡±


    It took Allison several seconds to stop peppering Remy¡¯s cheek with kisses long enough to reply. ¡°You are the cutest¡ªsweetest¡ªmost thoughtful¡ª¡±


    Remy could barely make sense of what she was hearing, each compliment being interrupted by another peck to her cheek that derailed her attempts at logic and sent her mind reeling. Seeing that Allison had apparently given up on communicating her thoughts and was simply swaying back and forth while tightening her grip, it occurred to Remy that perhaps it was best to stop worrying about it and just take a good result for what it was. She didn¡¯t understand, but Allison was happy and, ultimately, that was what she cared about most.


    It took a long time for Allison to calm down enough to carry on with dinner, something that relieved and disappointed Remy in equal measure. It was no small consolation that Allison had returned to feeding Remy with the introduction of the next dishes, a new recipe for a pasta salad and a dry aged Chinook salmon that she seemed especially excited about serving. Remy was amazed by how much space Allison occupied in her thoughts that it had taken her so long to finally be able to appreciate the food; the effort that had gone into it was obvious, but how little expense had been spared only made itself apparent when Remy recalled the cost of Chinook salmon from all of the trouble she¡¯d gone through just to find a reliable source. That it was dry aged and ethically sourced¡ªwhat seemed to be what excited Allison most¡ªmade it trivially easy for Remy to determine that, even being a locally sourced ingredient, the cost must have been absurd. Again, a strange feeling akin to guilt began to creep toward the front of her emotions when she thought about how much must have been spent on her for one evening.


    As she was searching for the right words to offer to cover some of the cost of the dinner, Remy¡¯s thoughts were disrupted by the feeling that she was the focus of attention other than Allison¡¯s. A quick glance gave the impression that they were more tourists, likely drunk from their staggers, blatant staring and the fact that they were talking far louder than they seemed to realize. She was about to ignore them and silently hope Allison didn¡¯t notice until she heard conversation in the distance that she couldn¡¯t dismiss.


    ¡°¡ªsee that? They¡¯re just so cute! They must be a new couple!¡±


    Remy couldn¡¯t hear what followed, high-pitched laughter drowning out the other half of the conversation. She didn¡¯t need to look up to confirm that the words were addressing the two of them, however. She only needed to look at Allison, in the middle of lifting a fork heavy with salmon that she was just about to feed her, seemingly frozen in place and blushing fiercely as a shy smile made itself apparent. Remy had a list of questions forming in her mind, but she set them aside for the moment in favor of the relief that came from seeing that Allison didn¡¯t seem to be annoyed by the attention. That realization, however, brought to mind a question of its own.


    ¡°They¡­don¡¯t bother you?¡±


    Still blushing, Allison seemed to remember what she was doing and lifted the fork to Remy¡¯s mouth. ¡°No¡­not this time.¡± As Remy was chewing, she didn¡¯t wait for the inevitable question to answer it. ¡°They weren¡¯t looking at you. They were looking at us.¡±


    Again, momentary relief was interrupted, this time by Remy¡¯s feeling herself growing warm again. She thought about it more as she chewed, and the weight of what she¡¯d heard finally began to bear down on her. Someone had looked at them and simply assumed that they were a couple, and a cute couple at that. Logically, it stood to reason; nothing that they¡¯d done since meeting each other that evening would indicate otherwise, even to a casual observer on a first glance. What was so overwhelming was the fact that Remy hadn¡¯t dared to consider there to be anything official between them yet. Between the fact that they were in the middle of their first date and the fact that she was still getting used to the idea that it was, in fact, a date, thinking that it was a done deal already seemed hopeful to the point of being foolhardy at best.


    Seeing Allison eating from the same fork she¡¯d just used to feed her and still blushing at the assumption, however, Remy admitted that perhaps, just this once, it was alright to dare to hope. Her inhibitions muted by declarations of intent and endlessly flowing wine, she had been far more bold that evening than she ever would¡¯ve imagined possible even several hours earlier. Just as she had begun to wonder if she was pushing her luck, though, it seemed that the whole of the world around her was conspiring to keep pushing her forward.


    ¡°So¡­do you think¡­?¡±


    Shaken out of her thoughts by Allison¡¯s voice, Remy¡¯s heart began to beat wildly as she again dared to hope. ¡°Think what?¡±


    Allison fidgeted for a moment, a look of concentration on her face. ¡°Do you¡­think that we¡­?¡± She went silent for a moment, struggling for the words to give to her thoughts.


    ¡°Yeah¡­I think we¡¯re a cute couple.¡±


    Even Remy¡¯s own acceptance of her newfound willingness to hope for the best couldn¡¯t prepare her to hear her own voice saying what she was thinking. Her mind was already racing for a plausible explanation for what she¡¯d said when it was derailed by Allison¡¯s gentle touch caressing her cheek.


    ¡°Tonight was supposed to be such a simple thing¡­just meeting for dinner.¡±


    Remy sighed as she placed her hand on Allison¡¯s. ¡°It doesn¡¯t feel simple at all, though, does it?¡±


    Allison gently shook her head in agreement. ¡°I¡­don¡¯t want it to end.¡±


    There was a look of longing in Allison¡¯s eyes, and her voice was heavy with sorrow. As much as Remy wanted to miraculously have the right thing to say again that would bring her smile back, all she could think in that moment was that she wanted the same thing. As that thought occurred to her, it brought another with it that found her voice before she could stop it.


    ¡°Then let¡¯s not let it.¡±


    Before Remy could try to take the words back, Allison¡¯s eyes suddenly went wide as her hand began to tremble. She opened her mouth to speak several times, each time closing it as if giving up on trying to force the words to come. Finally, her voice found its way to Remy.


    ¡°W¡ªwant to move this dinner? To¡­to my place?¡±


    Remy¡¯s mind was a beehive of confusion, thoughts flying seemingly randomly in every direction. Fears, potential implications and endless possibilities clamored for her attention but, as she found herself silently nodding in agreement, she could only focus on one.


    I want to be wherever you are.

 Dancing to the Rhythm of Shooting Stars

    Allison¡¯s mind raced as though in competition with her heart, both seemingly attempting to work themselves to exhaustion. Her heart hammered madly under the weight of what she¡¯d just done while her mind struggled to make sense of it, trying to separate emotion from logic to understand what had motivated her to do something so drastic. It felt like an entirely natural and reasonable decision in the moment but, given time to consider all of the potential consequences, she felt as if she was being buried in them. Packing things away in their plastic bins with trembling hands, Allison did her best to calm herself. She reminded herself that what was done was done and, given that Remy didn¡¯t even hesitate to accept the offer, it didn¡¯t even appear that any harm had been done. If anything, all indicators pointed toward Allison¡¯s having made the right choice. Following that thought, however, emotion began to slip free of its restraints and reminded her of how badly she wanted this, making her question her motives again and wonder if, instead of having made the right choice, she hadn¡¯t simply gotten lucky.


    Inviting Remy to her apartment after their date wasn¡¯t a choice that Allison took lightly, to say the very least. It had come up in conversation more than once over the past several days while discussing her plans with Lily, most often in jest as Lily took advantage of the opportunity to playfully tease Allison about the possible outcomes of the evening. It was never intended to be taken seriously, the premise of Lily¡¯s jokes being that it was well known between them that Allison didn¡¯t entirely share Lily¡¯s preoccupation with such matters. At the same time, however, it would be even further from accurate to say that Allison didn¡¯t consider them at all. The more Lily teased her about her expectations, the more she let her mind wander and consider the possibilities. Not knowing Remy¡¯s feelings on the matter and not feeling that it was in any way appropriate to ask her about them so early on, Allison was more than willing to just be patient, especially since she preferred that those conversations occurred naturally.


    Much of her concern in the moment stemmed from the fact that she felt that, to some extent, she¡¯d forced the issue. She had never been one to shy away from the topic before, always feeling comfortable with herself and her desires to the point that she had no reservations about being open about them. What made things different in the present was Remy. Despite Allison¡¯s initial impressions, Remy proved to be incredibly sensitive and cautious in matters of connecting with people on a personal level. This was important to note as Allison¡¯s present concerns didn¡¯t get much more personal. Whatever Remy¡¯s stance, discovering what it was seemed like something to be taken as slowly as possible to avoid potentially upsetting her. Still, in a few words, Allison had jumped several steps forward into making the topic all but unavoidable.


    What was I thinking? We haven¡¯t even kissed yet.


    Looking around to ensure that everything had been packed away, it occurred to Allison that another reason for her worrying was the fact that, while the subject was never a concern for her before, she had never been the one to take the lead, either. In allowing situations to unfold naturally, she always found herself yielding to another¡¯s desires. She¡¯d never complained. She was accustomed to being wanted, and there was merit to being the object of someone else¡¯s desires. An unintended consequence, however, was the fact that she¡¯d never found herself with the opportunity to be the one to initiate. Lifting one of the plastic bins and walking toward her car, she thought about her time with Remy and realized that, so far, she¡¯d been the one to lead. She¡¯d fallen into the role so naturally, she hadn¡¯t even taken any particular notice before that moment. It felt natural to her, and it satisfied her in a way she¡¯d never experienced before. More than that, Remy certainly didn¡¯t seem to have any complaints about it, most often willingly yielding to even her more ridiculous requests. It made Allison feel pampered and spoiled, though she couldn¡¯t deny that Remy¡¯s willingness to satisfy her always left her wanting more.


    The only downside to this revelation was the fact that there would be times in which someone would have to make the first move. If she wanted to be the one between them to take the first step and Remy at least didn¡¯t mind that she did, that meant assuming some risk. It was terrifying, especially with Remy¡¯s feelings and potentially their future together on the line. At the same time, though, thinking about it from this new perspective also gave the responsibility a sense of excitement. The more she considered it, the more she wondered if her fear was the result of inexperience. As Lily was unquestionably the type to yield even more than Remy, it was difficult to know who to ask for advice. Thinking of who else she knew well enough to discuss the matter with, the choice was immediately obvious. Mari seemed to have no interest in getting too close to anyone and, while she would likely be able to give some insight, she hadn¡¯t even heard from Ember in weeks. That only left Charlotte, clearly the best of all of her options as she had a talent for being in control, stemming from both natural disposition and skills acquired through formal instruction. The only flaw in the plan was having to talk to Charlotte.


    I¡¯m going to have to get used to her one of these days.


    Not having access to her at the moment was a blessing as much as it was a curse. Allison didn¡¯t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with processing her inexplicable unease around Charlotte, so it was a relief to leave that problem for another day. At the same time, however, that meant not knowing what to do about Remy in the immediate future. In fifteen or twenty minutes¡¯ time, they would be walking into her apartment and entering even more unexplored territory. Given how far they¡¯d come already that evening, it was difficult to not worry that things were moving too quickly. While Allison didn¡¯t have a problem with it¡ªand, being honest with herself, she wouldn¡¯t be upset if things kept moving at that pace¡ªthere was no way to know how Remy was feeling about it short of asking her. No matter how she thought about it, Allison could only come to one conclusion. If she was going to be the one to take the lead, this couldn¡¯t be an exception. This was a conversation that needed to take place at some point and, if she was worried about how it would be received, then it was going to be her responsibility to ensure that it went well.


    Placing the plastic bin on her back seat, Allison slowly stood and took a deep breath as she began to steel herself against the fear of once again marching into unexplored territory. Despite her attempts to remain courageous, she couldn¡¯t help feeling as if she was staring into an oncoming storm and making a decision to sail into its eye. As badly as she wanted to move forward, there was too much at risk to ignore the possibility of disaster. Exhaling slowly and turning to go back for more bins, she jumped when she found herself face to face with Remy, holding another of the bins and looking at her with a concerned expression. Before the shock could wear off, Remy began speaking, her voice slow and cautious.


    ¡°You¡­look like I feel.¡±


    Allison immediately began to worry, her mind racing to guess as to what she looked like in that moment. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    ¡°You look¡­nervous. Unsure. Are you¡­having second thoughts? I mean, I understand if you are. I wouldn¡¯t hold it against you or anything.¡±


    Assuming the worst, Allison readied herself for it as best she could. ¡°Do you mean that you¡¯re having second thoughts? I know I must¡¯ve blindsided you, so I¡ª¡±


    ¡°No!¡±


    Gasping as if surprised by the sound of her own voice, Remy began to turn a familiar burgundy that immediately calmed Allison¡¯s heart in spite of her confusion. Looking frustrated with herself, Remy inhaled slowly and deeply before continuing. ¡°Sorry, I mean¡­well, no. I¡­I want to go, but¡­well, you look like you don¡¯t. If you changed your mind, I don¡¯t want you to think that you¡¯re obligated or anything. I¡¯ve already had a great time with you tonight. Better than I¡¯ve ever had with anyone, really. There¡¯s¡­no need to push it any further if you¡¯re not comfortable with it.¡±


    Allison stared for a moment, feeling slightly overwhelmed as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing. As the message slowly started to sink in, an entirely unexpected sensation began to well up inside of her, building until it exploded as uncontainable laughter. It took some time for her to finally notice that Remy¡¯s look of concern had worsened significantly, prompting her to collect herself and explain.


    ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Remy. It¡¯s just that I was trying to figure out how to say the same thing to you.¡±


    Remy¡¯s tense expression finally began to relax as she laughed softly herself. ¡°Wasn¡¯t I supposed to be the one with communication issues?¡±


    Allison¡¯s fit of laughter renewed itself, again needing significant effort to bring under control. ¡°I guess I¡¯m better at hiding it than I thought, but it¡¯s definitely not just you. I¡­guess we have some things we should talk about.¡±


    Remy nodded, her amusement vanishing in an instant and replaced with a look of determination. ¡°Well, there¡¯s time, at least. I don¡¯t have anywhere to be anytime soon, so we have as long as you want.¡±


    Feeling a weight slowly lifting off of her chest, Allison reached out and took the plastic bin from Remy¡¯s hands with a smile. ¡°Are you sure about that? You¡¯ve never heard me talk without a time limit. You sure you don¡¯t want to set one?¡±


    As Allison placed the bin on her seat and stood again, she saw Remy looking at the ground and smiling as her complexion again took on its lovely burgundy tint. ¡°I¡¯ve got until Monday morning, and¡­I can¡¯t think of anything I¡¯d rather do with that time.¡±


    After waiting a moment for her heart to start beating again, Allison took Remy¡¯s arm and led her back to their table to finish packing up.


    You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.


    ¡°Did you study how to make me swoon, too? Nobody¡¯s ever been this good at it.¡±


    Remy gave a chuckle that didn¡¯t entirely hide the nervousness underneath it. When the silence went on a little too long, though, Allison looked up to see Remy as she was nervously glancing back at her. She gave a long sigh before looking away and finally responding. ¡°I¡­looked. I couldn¡¯t find anything I believed, though, so technically no.¡±


    Not expecting her joke to be confirmed as truth, Allison restrained herself for fear of upsetting Remy any further. She settled for holding Remy¡¯s arm a little tighter and sighing with content as they walked, unexpectedly making peace with the task ahead of her and finding a renewed sense of determination.


    I have no idea what I¡¯m doing, but I¡¯ll find a way. I¡¯m not letting anything keep me from you.


    No matter how far back Allison thought, she couldn¡¯t come up with a single example of a person who¡¯d gone through as much trouble for her sake as Remy, especially for things so small. She approached something as simple as a date with the same dedication that she showed in everything else she did¡­and the same seemed to be the case for how she considered Allison, as well. Remy treated Allison as if she was something precious, putting just as much effort into simply being present as Allison had put into creating the experience. She thought to herself that if Remy handled her heart with even half as much care, it would be an understatement to say that Remy was the best thing to ever happen to her. Thinking back again and recalling anyone that could reasonably be considered competition, there was no comparison to be made. That Remy saw it all as a source of shame was all but incomprehensible, and the best that Allison could do was respect it in lieu of understanding it.


    As if to confirm Allison¡¯s suspicions, Remy was as diligent in cleaning up as she was in doing anything else. Allison watched quietly as best she could without drawing attention as Remy checked and double checked her every action, making sure that bins were packed tightly and that the heated and chilled containers were kept separated. Everything she moved was handled as if it may shatter in her hands, and she never took her hands off of anything without inspecting it one final time before walking away from it. Allison laughed quietly to herself as she hid her own work from Remy¡¯s view, feeling self-conscious as she wasn¡¯t nearly as cautious. Anything she didn¡¯t know to be fragile was thrown together haphazardly, her focus already claimed by either moving the night forward or watching Remy and leaving none to spare for worrying over a few scuff marks.


    Returning from a trip to put more things in her car, Allison returned to their table to find Remy standing over the gathered tableware, staring down at several plates as if she was trying to defuse a bomb. As much as Allison wanted to continue to watch quietly, Remy¡¯s expression made her concerned enough to intervene.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡±


    Remy looked up at Allison in surprise, too absorbed in her thoughts to notice her return. ¡°No¡­not really. I was just wondering how to go about packing these plates and these¡­um¡­¡±


    Looking down at the table in front of Remy, Allison forced herself to ignore how cute Remy could be out of fear of embarrassing her. ¡°Chargers.¡±


    Remy studied the chargers for a long moment before sighing, looking slightly embarrassed in spite of Allison¡¯s efforts. ¡°Huh. Wouldn¡¯t have been my first guess, but it sounds better than ¡®bigger plates.¡¯¡±


    Unable to hold back all of her laughter, Allison made up the difference with a quick peck to Remy¡¯s cheek. ¡°That¡¯s basically where the word comes from, so you were closer than you think. Don¡¯t worry about it, though. Just throw them wherever they¡¯ll fit.¡±


    Remy furrowed her brow. ¡°Are you sure? What if they get scratched or chipped? They look exp¡ªum¡­hard to replace.¡±


    The hesitation caught Allison¡¯s attention, especially considering the sudden change in Remy¡¯s tone. She decided to be patient, though she expected that she should begin readying a counterargument. ¡°No, not at all. Besides, we¡¯re not going far.¡±


    As if on cue, Remy¡¯s pensive expression intensified over the course of a long pause. ¡°Listen, I know that tonight must¡¯ve cost¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Allison hated to be correct in her assumption, but she couldn¡¯t help laughing in spite of it on seeing Remy¡¯s reaction to having her nose poked yet again. It was one of the rare chances Allison had to be able to read Remy¡¯s expressions and tell what she was thinking, and it had quickly become something to look forward to seeing. Allison could see the discomfort rapidly shift into surprise and confusion, then gradually fade into amusement. Under normal circumstances, Remy was a statue. She had few facial expressions and mannerisms that she ever showed, typically only exhibiting them when under a great deal of strain. Most seemed content to assume that she simply didn¡¯t have any thoughts to share, but Allison knew that they were just beneath the surface, a treasure kept hidden from the world. Just being able to occasionally tell what Remy was thinking made Allison feel a little closer to her, something that made her desperate for more.


    I can¡¯t wait until I know you better. I want to know all of those little things you think but don¡¯t say.


    As expected, Remy was quick to pick up Allison¡¯s stance on what she was about to say¡ªas well as her reluctance to change it. She looked as though she was about to make a final desperate appeal but, as she was opening her mouth, Allison held up a fingertip in front of her face and hovered it over her nose.


    ¡°I can do this all night, you know.¡±


    Trying and failing to cover her laughter with a loud groan, Remy finally relented with a smile. ¡°Fine, but the next one is on me.¡±


    Hoping she didn¡¯t look too satisfied with herself, Allison nodded as she began hastily grabbing chargers and stowing them in a nearby container. Every passing minute with Remy increased her sense of urgency in wanting to reach their destination. ¡°That¡¯s fair¡­as long as you don¡¯t try to compare receipts.¡±


    ¡°But I¡ª¡±


    Allison wheeled around and pointed at Remy¡¯s nose, brandishing her finger like a spear. Despite the smile she couldn¡¯t completely hide, she did her best to take on a serious tone. ¡°¡®But¡¯ nothing, Remy. This isn¡¯t a competition.¡±


    The gears in Remy¡¯s head were clearly spinning, but the effort didn¡¯t seem to manage to produce an argument. Instead, she gave a frustrated sigh. ¡°You¡¯re really not letting this one go, are you?¡±


    Allison thought for a moment as she folded the tablecloth, briefly concerned that she was being unreasonable. No matter how much she thought about it, though, she could only come to one conclusion. ¡°Do you want it to become a competition? The two of us going back and forth, racing to see who can go broke first?¡±


    ¡°Well, no¡­of course not. But¡­¡±


    ¡°But?¡±


    ¡°It just¡­doesn¡¯t seem fair. You shouldn¡¯t have to give more than you get.¡±


    ¡°But what if I¡¯m happy with what I¡¯m getting?¡±


    Going by her expression, it seemed that Remy was entirely unprepared for the response. ¡°But¡­but I haven¡¯t given you anything.¡±


    Allison sighed, then smiled up at Remy. As much as she wanted to remain stern, there was no being frustrated for long where Remy was concerned. ¡°Don¡¯t you think that¡¯s my call to make? You¡¯re here with me, and that¡¯s all I care about¡­not that you haven¡¯t given me more than that. I¡­I don¡¯t even know how to put it into words.¡± Allison thought for a moment, but all that came to her was the torrent of emotions that had been swirling around her all evening and the desire to be carried away by the current. Picking up the tablecloth, she took Remy by the arm and began leading her toward her car for the last time.


    Remy went quiet as they walked, not speaking until she noticed that Allison was giving her occasional glances weighted with expectation. ¡°I guess I just worry about money too much.¡±


    For the first time, Allison noticed a sense of relief that came from hearing Remy¡¯s voice, as if she couldn¡¯t bear to go too long without it. The feeling didn¡¯t last, however, quickly replaced by confusion. ¡°When did you start worrying about money? I¡¯ve never even heard you bring it up before now.¡±


    There was another pause while Remy looked lost in thought. ¡°Well, I guess it¡¯s not the money, exactly¡­it¡¯s more the fact that I don¡¯t want to be a burden.¡±


    Allison¡¯s mood shifted in an instant. Taking several quick steps, she moved herself in front of Remy and turned to face her before coming to a stop, forcing Remy to do the same. She intently stared up into Remy¡¯s eyes, causing a look of fear to reveal itself beneath the fading surprise.


    Allison felt a pang of sympathy, but she refused to relelnt until she was certain she was understood.


    ¡°Never again.¡±


    Visibly trembling, Remy took a step back. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat?¡±


    Allison took a step forward to close the distance. ¡°Never again. If you were bothering me, trust me, I wouldn¡¯t be shy about telling you. Never call yourself a burden again. Promise me.¡±


    Looking slightly relieved but still cautious, Remy nodded. ¡°Okay¡­okay. I won¡¯t. I¡­I promise.¡±


    Taking a deep breath, Allison returned to her place by Remy¡¯s side. She took Remy¡¯s arm but, entirely unlike the sense of comfort that doing so normally brought, there was only a feeling of guilt when she felt how tense Remy was. As they reached her car, she looked up apologetically.


    ¡°I¡­should explain that.¡±


    Remy still looked cautious as she shook her head. ¡°You don¡¯t have to if you don¡¯t feel ready to talk about it.¡±


    There was a temptation to accept the offer, but Allison¡¯s earlier declaration of intent carried her forward. ¡°I¡¯m not, but¡­I still should.¡±


    ¡°In that case, take your time. I¡¯m not going anywhere before you¡¯re ready to call it a night. We¡­well, we have plenty to talk about anyway, right?¡±


    Allison thought for a moment before nodding in agreement. There was much to discuss, and adding one more topic of conversation was hardly a cause for concern. There was only one more thing that stood out in her mind as being more important, the end to the conversation as a means. Just as the task ahead began to seem daunting again, that end sent a wave of calm that dispersed the mounting unease in an instant.


    Before this night is over, you¡¯re going to know exactly how special you are to me.

 And Bathing in Moonlight

    Of the seemingly hundreds of thoughts clamoring for Remy¡¯s attention, one in particular came into focus as she stood up from the passenger seat of Allison¡¯s car. For the first time since accepting Allison¡¯s invitation to her apartment, Remy¡¯s heart was bordering on what she could reasonably consider calm. Her pulse had been racing out of control for what felt like hours, and it had taken all of the focus she could summon to keep herself moving forward and speaking normally. Internally, she had gone into a full panic as she struggled to make sense of the incoming flood of emotions attacking her heart from every angle, an endless stream of fears, hopes and desires pulling her in every direction at once. As she looked around the parking lot and up at Allison¡¯s apartment building, though, she was noticing a growing sense of calm as she took in the illuminated walkway to the front doors, a port in the distance in the midst of the raging storm in her mind. She smiled as the way forward again became apparent.


    Wherever you are¡­that¡¯s where I belong.


    The storm continued to subside as Allison took her arm and led her up the path. Remy suppressed a chuckle as, with her senses slowly returning to her, she realized that things were happening as she would¡¯ve expected had her mind been clear enough to reason her way through them. Allison¡¯s presence certainly had an effect, but it seemed that this was simply how her mind worked even on its own. Overwhelmed by thoughts racing out of her control, the end result of the conflicting emotions seemed to always be fear that drove her to flee from their source. For most of her life, it was that response to fear that caused her to stagnate, returning to a familiar misery rather than braving the unknown. It wasn¡¯t until desperation drove her to throw herself into the abyss that the way forward became clear. The flood of thoughts never slowed, but they became easier to endure as their burden was outweighed by the possibility of a brighter future. She¡¯d felt the same calm in the midst of a storm when driving along a dark highway before dawn with everything she owned while leaving behind the only life she¡¯d ever known, not realizing that she was on a path leading her to Violet Meadows. Looking over at Allison, holding her arm tightly and looking back at her with a placid smile, Remy couldn¡¯t help hoping that history was repeating itself. She seemed to have a habit of making good decisions when she forced herself to choose.


    As they approached the door, someone on the other side looked as if he was rushing to meet them. His appearance caught Remy¡¯s attention and held it long enough to shake her from her thoughts, surprising her with his finely tailored black three piece suit and waxed moustache. Looking close to her own age while being dressed and groomed as if he¡¯d been unearthed from a tomb, Remy thought he looked less like a person she expected to meet and more like he¡¯d stepped out of a history book. It wasn¡¯t until she noticed his cheerful and welcoming demeanor that it occurred to her that he was likely some kind of doorman, something else that seemed more at home in the distant past.


    ¡°Ah, good evening, Ms. Miller! Welco¡ª¡±


    The pleasant aura around him dissipated in an instant when, in the midst of greeting Allison, he seemed to finally take notice of Remy. His eyes locked onto her and began to burn into her, his expression exuding hostility every bit as much as it had been radiating hospitality only a moment earlier. For the first time all evening, Remy¡¯s mind was quiet as she stared back in silence.


    ¡°I¡­excuse me. W¡ªwelcome back, Ms. Miller. And this is¡­?¡±


    Allison, still looking at Remy and her expression turning curious, seemed to be only just noticing that there was anyone else present. ¡°Oh, good evening, Marcus. This is Remy Dauphine. Remy, this is our concierge Marcus.¡±


    Marcus turned to Remy again, smiling as if the effort was causing him pain. ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Dauphine.¡±


    Remy didn¡¯t as much as blink in response. ¡°You sure about that?¡±


    The icy response appeared to catch Allison¡¯s attention, but nowhere near as much as the fact that Marcus visibly flinched when he heard it. Allison quickly glanced at both of them, from Remy as she returned the stare she¡¯d received with interest to Marcus as he was taking half of a step backward. Seeing him trying to collect himself and looking as if he was struggling to form a reply, Allison seemed to be either trying to break the tension or rush the encounter to its conclusion.


    ¡°Um¡­Marcus, I have a number of plastic bins in my car. Do you think you could have someone¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Oh, yes, of course!¡± Marcus¡¯s demeanor switched so quickly that Remy had to physically restrain herself to hide her disgust. ¡°I¡¯ll bring them up myself.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure? There are quite a few of them¡ª¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s no trouble at all, really! It¡¯s my pleasure. Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?¡±


    Allison¡¯s expression was heavy with curiosity. She was clearly noticing something unusual in the air but failing to place exactly what. ¡°Oh, no, nothing for me, thank you. Remy, did you need anything?¡±


    Remy saw Allison looking up at her on the edge of her vision, but she kept her eyes locked on Marcus as he nervously turned toward her. ¡°Privacy.¡±


    Marcus swallowed hard, visibly shaken but doing his best to maintain his faltering air of professionalism. ¡°Yes¡­yes, of course. I hope you have a¡­wonderful evening.¡±


    Better than yours.


    Remy continued to stare as Marcus excused himself and moved toward a nearby door, his steps slightly unsteady. She only began moving when she felt Allison gently tugging her toward a nearby elevator, but morbid curiosity led her to turn and glance behind her as they waited for the doors to open. Her eyes narrowed when, as she¡¯d expected, two people who were definitely not Marcus came out of the door he¡¯d entered, headed toward the parking lot and glancing behind them while looking annoyed. When the elevator doors opened, Allison pulled Remy through with surprising strength before impatiently hammering on the button to close them again.


    ¡°Remy? Are¡­are you¡­?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡±


    Remy instinctively tried to rush past the moment, not wanting to admit that she was anything but alright even though her heart and mind were as still as they¡¯d been all evening. It was how her body and mind responded to imminent threats, a sudden stillness as all within her fell silent and left her thoughts clear to take in everything around her. With the recent exception of Allison¡¯s touch, it was the closest she ever came to peace.


    Allison stared up at Remy, looking as if she was studying her as the elevator began its ascent. ¡°Well, since you¡¯re obviously not fine, you want to tell me what just happened?¡±


    Looking back at Allison and seeing a familiar determination, Remy sighed as the calm began to fade. It was welcome in the sense that it was a sign that the threat had passed, but it also meant that it was time to explain herself. Something she¡¯d learned fairly quickly about Allison was that the look she was wearing at that moment meant that she wouldn¡¯t be deterred.


    ¡°I told you my face scares people. Still, I¡­guess I could¡¯ve handled that better.¡±


    ¡°Handled what better?¡±


    Remy raised an eyebrow as the elevator doors opened. ¡°You¡­wait. Don¡¯t tell me that you didn¡¯t notice. That you didn¡¯t notice.¡±


    ¡°Notice what?¡±


    There was only the most brief moment of restraint before the situation got the better of Remy and caused her to laugh in spite of herself. She felt guilty for it, especially when seeing Allison¡¯s look of confusion turn to open frustration as she led the way down a long corridor. As much as she didn¡¯t want to acknowledge humor in that moment, she couldn¡¯t ignore the irony.


    ¡°Marcus.¡± Remy spit the name out as if it tasted bitter. ¡°Didn¡¯t you see how he was looking at you?¡±


    Allison looked up as she walked, putting significant effort into remembering anything noteworthy. ¡°He looked like he always does.¡±


    ¡°That figures.¡± Seeing Allison again looking confused, Remy rushed to explain. ¡°Well, did you notice how he was looking at me?¡±


    ¡°So yeah, about that¡­¡± The look of frustration shifted rapidly, again looking more like curiosity. ¡°What was that about? Do you know him from somewhere?¡±


    Still feeling begrudgingly amused by the situation¡¯s irony, Remy indulged in the reversal of roles as she recalled Allison¡¯s earlier words. ¡°Nope. Lucky him.¡±


    Allison looked behind them as if she was expecting to see Marcus standing there. ¡°Then what was his problem? I¡¯ve never seen him act like that before. He looked¡­I don¡¯t know.¡±


    ¡°Annoyed? Angry? Disappointed?¡±


    ¡°Well, yeah, actually¡ª¡± Allison suddenly looked up at Remy, her eyes widening as realization dawned on her. ¡°Wait¡­you¡¯re not thinking¡­?¡±


    Remy huffed, regretting not appreciating the moment of humor as it was overtaken by disgust. ¡°His attitude took a hard turn all of a sudden, don¡¯t you think? Right around the time he started staring me down, in fact.¡±


    Allison looked deep in thought as she came to a stop in front of a door and started fumbling with a keychain. ¡°But¡­he¡¯s never acted like he was¡­well, interested in me. Why now?¡±


    Remy tried to remain nonchalant as she pretended her heart wasn¡¯t soaring at the sight of Allison¡¯s expression while considering the matter, unable to avoid noticing what looked like unease. ¡°He probably never had a reason to worry about it. Have you ever brought anyone home before?¡±


    Allison shook her head. ¡°No, come to think of it. You¡¯re the only one I¡¯ve cared enough about to¡ª¡±


    Again, Remy¡¯s heart fluttered as she saw Allison turn bright red, apparently having been distracted enough to say slightly more than she¡¯d intended. She nearly dropped her keys more than once before sighing in frustration, drawing another short laugh from Remy as she placed a hand on Allison¡¯s.


    ¡°For the record, I¡¯m glad you did.¡±


    Allison¡¯s smile brought relief to both of them. Remy was glad to see a sign that Allison understood that, however unintentionally, she¡¯d made the mood significantly lighter. Marcus was already fading from Remy¡¯s thoughts as she remembered why she was there, though the moment hadn¡¯t passed entirely just yet.


    As Allison brought the key to its lock, Remy was surprised to find how quickly her mood had shifted on realizing what was happening. Even though her initial reaction to Marcus was born of fear in the face of hostility, it had been quickly overwhelmed by something much closer to anger when she understood what Marcus had against her. It wasn¡¯t at all surprising that anyone else would take an interest in Allison; in fact, one of Remy¡¯s many excuses for not expressing her own interest was the assumption that someone must have beaten her to the opportunity. Allison had a classic beauty that could be seen from a mile away, and her delicate grace highlighted every facet of it. She was intelligent and successful, and she had a charm that made the rest of the world fade away in insignificance. That anyone else would notice those things and want them to themselves only seemed natural, though that didn¡¯t stop Remy from hating them for it. Allison¡¯s outward appearance was merely the tip of an iceberg of passion, determination and appreciation for beauty in the world that Remy never would¡¯ve considered without having met her. Remy¡¯s blood boiled when she thought of Allison¡¯s being reduced to nothing more than an object of desire, and she spent more than one evening cursing Allison¡¯s presumed love interests for not being able to see the warm glow that filled every room she entered.


    Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.


    Pearls before swine.


    Just as Remy was beginning to level her hatred at Marcus again, Allison pushed her door forward and, as it swung open, all other thoughts in Remy¡¯s mind collapsed at once as she was again reminded of what was awaiting her. A fragrance that reminded Remy of the ocean found her nose as Allison stepped forward and turned on a light, revealing what looked like pictures Remy remembered seeing advertising a Cretan villa as a dream vacation destination. The living room was light and airy, filled with bright neutral colors on the walls and lightly colored wood on the furniture. It was a sanctuary, a place of serenity that felt entirely separate from the world around it. Remy thought to herself that without the silhouette of pine trees visible in the window to remind her of where they were, the scenery around her and the faint sound of the ocean in the distance could¡¯ve convinced her that she was in a seaside village in Europe rather than still in Violet Meadows. It took a moment for her to notice that Allison had stopped and turned toward her, smiling nervously and looking as if she was waiting for something.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know what I expected, but I¡¯m not at all surprised.¡±


    Allison¡¯s expression of curiosity didn¡¯t completely hide her nervousness. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    Looking around again, Remy tried to put her fascination aside long enough to organize her thoughts. ¡°It¡¯s the kind of place you visit, but it¡¯s too beautiful and elegant to imagine what kind of person would live there. It definitely suits you.¡±


    Turning crimson and looking slightly faint, Allison dropped her purse on an end table before taking Remy¡¯s arm and leading her to a nearby sofa. ¡°I keep thinking that I¡¯ll eventually get used to it¡­¡±


    ¡°Get used to what?¡±


    Sitting next to Remy and pressing herself against her, Allison looked up at her with an unfocused gaze. ¡°You.¡±


    Remy smiled in spite of her confusion as she looked down, her heart fluttering madly under Allison¡¯s gaze. ¡°I¡­I just said what I was thinking. It¡¯s not like I¡¯m¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Unable to resist, Remy turned her eyes back toward Allison with a smile. ¡°I guess we¡¯re both going to have to learn how to take a compliment.¡±


    Allison laughed quietly as she brought her lips to Remy¡¯s cheek. ¡°Deal.¡±


    Remy felt her face grow warm, a heat that grew in intensity as Allison slowly pulled away. Her lips hovered close enough for Remy to feel the heat radiating from Allison¡¯s skin, leaving a trail of warmth from the spot she¡¯d touched on her cheek to the corner of her mouth. She¡¯d lingered there for as long as the peck to her cheek had lasted before finally restoring the short distance between them, turning her eyes downward and looking as if she¡¯d exhausted herself with the strain of letting go. The sight made Remy want to close that distance again, a desire that was becoming all but impossible to resist.


    She couldn¡¯t decide whether she was more irritated or relieved when the moment was interrupted. A faint sound in the distance almost like a squeak drew Remy¡¯s attention to the hallway just as an orange and white cat peeked around the corner at her. Following Remy¡¯s gaze, Allison turned and chuckled with an apologetic expression.


    ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry, Millie¡­I didn¡¯t mean to wake you. Remy, this is Millefeuille.¡±


    Remy¡¯s mind raced as she attempted to account for yet another unexpected development. Doing her best to guess at what proper etiquette dictated in the moment, she turned her attention back to the cat only to find her missing. A moment later, Millefeuille jumped onto the back of the sofa and came to a stop inches from Remy¡¯s face, sticking her nose out and cautiously sniffing. Being at a complete loss as to how to react, she turned to Allison to see a look of amazement. Before she could ask about it, Millefeuille carefully stepped from the couch to Remy¡¯s shoulder and perched there, drawing an excited squeal from Allison.


    ¡°Are you kidding, Millie?¡±


    Remy looked back and forth between Millefeuille and Allison, failing utterly to understand exactly what was happening. ¡°I don¡¯t know much about cats. Is¡­is this supposed to happen?¡±


    Still looking excited, Allison shook her head. ¡°She never climbs on people¡­not this fast, at least. She only does that when she really likes somebody. It took weeks for her to even let Lily hold her.¡±


    ¡°But¡­why? It¡¯s not like I gave her any reason to¡ª¡±


    Remy was interrupted as she felt Millefeuille gently headbutt her, rubbing her head against her cheek and purring. Allison began laughing uncontrollably at Remy¡¯s sudden silence, ignoring her narrowing eyes and exaggerated huffing as she realized what had just happened.


    ¡°You know what? Close enough. Good girl, Millie.¡±


    Caught between Allison¡¯s laughter and Millefeuille¡¯s soft purring, Remy couldn¡¯t manage a convincing semblance of irritation and began laughing, herself. As Millefeuille jumped down into her lap, Remy began gently scratching the top of her head as Allison continued to stare in wonder.


    ¡°Well, if I had any doubts about tonight, I wouldn¡¯t after seeing this. You¡¯re a confirmed catch.¡±


    Remy shook her head as she looked down at Millefeuille, now curling up and making herself comfortable. ¡°I still don¡¯t get it. I don¡¯t know anything about cats.¡±


    Allison leaned against Remy¡¯s shoulder and joined her in showering Millefeuille with attention. ¡°Well, you say you don¡¯t know anything about dating, either. That doesn¡¯t mean someone can¡¯t find their own reasons to like you.¡±


    Sighing softly, Remy was forced to admit that there was an inconvenient amount of logic in what Allison was saying. Despite her incessant impulses to deny reality, she was far beyond earnestly believing that what was passing between them was a sign of anything other than genuine interest on Allison¡¯s part. As she thought about it, Remy wondered if the only thing keeping her from putting the matter to rest once and for all was the fact that she couldn¡¯t understand why it was happening. Considering that they were presumably there for the purpose of talking, it seemed that there was only one reasonable course of action. Remy took a deep breath and prepared to push herself into making another decision.


    ¡°So¡­I was wondering. Why¡­why did you¡ª?¡±


    As the words to frame her thoughts were finally forming, she stopped short when Millefeuille suddenly jumped up and stood in her lap, looking startled. She stared off into the distance for a moment before jumping again just as suddenly, this time dropping to the floor and running at full speed back down the hallway. Feeling nearly as startled, Remy turned back to Allison.


    ¡°Did I do something wrong? Is she okay?¡±


    Allison laughed softly as she looked toward the hallway. ¡°No, she¡¯s fine. She¡¯s just orange.¡±


    Before Remy could ask what that had to do with what had just happened, she found a much more reasonable explanation. The door shook slightly in its frame, sounding as though something had just bumped into it. Briefly curious as to what had caused it, a sudden feeling of nausea reminded her that they were expecting at least one more interruption that night. She stood with a disgusted groan, already glaring in the general direction of the door.


    Might as well get it over with. ¡°That must be the bins. I¡¯ll actually bring them in myself.¡±


    Allison jumped to her feet and raced in front of Remy, looking amused but slightly uneasy. ¡°No, you sit. I¡¯ll get it.¡±


    ¡°All of that stuff? By yourself?¡±


    ¡°He¡¯ll bring it in. Besides, I want my security deposit back and I don¡¯t know how to get blood out of the carpet.¡±


    ¡°Baking soda.¡± Seeing Allison stop and turn to face her with an incredulous look, Remy felt her face growing warm. ¡°Yeah¡­I guess that wasn¡¯t the point. I¡¯ll be good.¡±


    Only barely containing her laughter, Allison turned back to the door as she heard the doorbell ring. ¡°Oh, yeah? What are you thinking right now?¡±


    Roll your hip into the shoulder, then sweep your leg over. Easy armbar setup.


    Seeing Allison reach the door and turn to look at her again following the silence, Remy realized a moment too late that she was supporting the wrong argument. She sat back down with a huff, causing Allison to delay answering the door even longer as she tried to bring her laughter under control.


    It proved more difficult than Remy imagined to wait patiently as Marcus brought in the bins, clearly realizing entirely too late what he¡¯d volunteered himself to do. He began by bringing in two at once, obviously both trying to impress and not having any idea what was in them before they reached Allison¡¯s door. Following the first trip, he carried the bins one at a time and with a slight limp. The entire time, he managed to maintain an air of politeness with a dedication that Remy found surprising. He was desperately trying to make conversation, but he was struggling to hold Allison¡¯s attention.


    Considering him again, Remy could see how Allison could take it all as nothing more than professional courtesy. Not being egotistical enough to assume someone¡¯s interest in her and having no other indications to suggest any, it made sense that she never saw him for what he was. Even Remy could almost believe his behavior to be genuine, the only clue to his true motivation being the fact that he¡¯d been all but ignoring her presence entirely since he¡¯d arrived. The only time he seemed to take any notice of her was the grimace he gave every time he stole a glance at Allison only to see her gazing at Remy instead of paying attention to him. As satisfying as it was to see him upset, even that couldn¡¯t hold her attention as much as the fact that, even when faced with a clear alternative, Allison was choosing her.


    Remy had to stop herself from breathing a sigh of relief when the last of the bins was sitting on Allison¡¯s kitchen table, bringing an end to Marcus¡¯s only excuse for his presence. He seemed to realize the same thing, his pace suddenly slowing as he was heading for the door for the last time.


    ¡°There you are, Ms. Miller. Is there anything else I can do for you?¡±


    Allison shook her head while giving a smile that looked as though it required some effort. ¡°No, nothing else, thank you. You just go and take care of your back. That looked like it hurt.¡±


    Marcus gave a wide smile, though it didn¡¯t escape Remy¡¯s notice that his jaw was clenched a little too tightly when he did. ¡°Oh, it¡¯s nothing, really. I just misjudged the load, that¡¯s all.¡±


    Allison nodded, not even bothering to try to look convinced. ¡°Yes, well, maybe you should put some ice on it just in case.¡±


    ¡°Really? Do you think?¡±


    Seeing Marcus¡¯s face light up, Remy realized that he must¡¯ve thought he¡¯d found an excuse to delay his departure. Immediately seething, she didn¡¯t notice that she¡¯d reacted until she heard her own voice echoing her thoughts.


    ¡°A cold shower might be even better.¡±


    Under any other circumstances, having every eye in the room on her would¡¯ve sent Remy into a panic. In that moment, however, her only thought was of making a point. Initially looking insulted and then meeting Remy¡¯s eyes only to flinch, it seemed that the message had been conveyed effectively. Stammering an excuse about other duties, he rushed off as if Remy¡¯s stare was burning him. It wasn¡¯t until he disappeared through the doorway for the last time and the door closed behind him that Remy became aware that Allison was still watching her, again looking torn between amusement and concern. Remy¡¯s feeling of triumph ended abruptly, leaving her suddenly feeling sheepish instead.


    ¡°Well¡­there wasn¡¯t any blood.¡±


    Laughing softly, Allison crossed the living room and sat down next to Remy again. Taking her hand, she leaned over and kissed her cheek, again letting her lips linger near the corner of Remy¡¯s mouth for a noticeable amount of time before pulling back.


    ¡°You never struck me as the jealous type.¡±


    Remy sighed as she started to feel frustrated with herself. ¡°I¡¯m as surprised as anyone.¡±


    ¡°Well, don¡¯t feel bad. Up to this point, that¡¯s kind of been my thing.¡± Giving Remy another peck on her cheek, Allison stood and made her way into the kitchen. ¡°Before you ask, no, don¡¯t get up.¡±


    Remy was about to ask what she meant before seeing that she was opening bins and taking out covered dishes, apparently resuming the dinner service that they¡¯d interrupted to move it from the park. Allison seemed to somehow notice the unease building in Remy, placing a stack of dishes on the coffee table in front of her and then standing and staring hard at her.


    ¡°I mean it. Don¡¯t get up.¡±


    Remy smiled, wondering how Allison was able to read her so well when nobody else could. ¡°Sorry. I¡¯m just not used to¡­well¡­¡±


    ¡°Not used to what?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯ve been treating me like a queen all night long. That¡¯s¡­new to me.¡±


    Allison glanced over her shoulder at Remy as she made her way back into the kitchen. ¡°Did you ever think that maybe you deserve to be?¡±


    Remy thought hard for a moment before dismissing the thought, feeling inexplicably uncomfortable with it. ¡°Can¡¯t say that I have.¡±


    ¡°In that case, think of it as doing me a favor.¡±


    ¡°A favor?¡±


    Smiling shyly, Allison placed a glacette on the coffee table and put a new wine bottle inside of it. ¡°Tonight, you¡¯re my queen.¡±


    Remy was glad she was sitting as Allison continued setting up the remaining courses. With only a few words, Allison had managed to send her mind reeling once again, this time with such force that she wasn¡¯t entirely sure that she¡¯d have been able to stay on her feet if she¡¯d been standing. Allison had called Remy her queen but, in Remy¡¯s mind, she was the one who was bending to Allison¡¯s will. The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if that was the problem she was having with their current arrangement. When she thought of her feelings for Allison, Remy felt as if she should be the one serving her instead. Allison was something rare and precious, someone to be revered instead of serving.


    Next time, it¡¯ll be my turn. If I¡¯m going to be served, you¡¯ll be worshiped.

 Until the Blue Hour

    Okay¡­okay. The most beautiful and caring woman you¡¯ve ever met came home with you, and she¡¯s sitting on your sofa and letting you pour her wine and feed her grapes. She¡¯s into you, she¡¯s having a good time and Millie likes her. Everything is perfect, so the next move is¡­what?


    Allison thought back to every romantic encounter she¡¯d ever experienced, trying to recall anything that would give her any clue as to what her next step should be. Initially, it seemed like a good idea. She wasn¡¯t the most romantically experienced person she¡¯d ever met by any means, but she¡¯d had more than enough experience to be able to reasonably expect that she could call on it to help her in the present. As logical as it seemed, however, the plan failed both immediately and catastrophically.


    Lifting another grape to Remy¡¯s lips, she tried to remember how previous partners took the lead with the hope that she could mimic their tactics but, for some reason, her mind didn¡¯t seem to consider any of the memories worth the effort of keeping detailed records. She tried recalling her thoughts and feelings that resulted from those experiences to deduce how to recreate them for Remy, but it was like watching a corrupted video file or a damaged film reel. There were enough details to follow what was happening as she recalled names, faces and locations, but there was a layer of static over it all that hid the parts that made any of it significant. As she tried to remember why any of it mattered, she couldn¡¯t be entirely certain of the names, the unique features of faces blurred until they resembled mannequins and the locations were just places with names that were easier to recall than those of the people who took her to them. None of it inspired any more emotion in her than it would¡¯ve to remember a trip to a mechanic to have her oil changed.


    Gently pressing the grape forward and watching it disappear into Remy¡¯s mouth, Allison let her fingertip linger on Remy¡¯s lip. It was like touching a pillow wrapped in silk, but it sent a wave of warmth through her fingertip that felt as if it was spreading through her entire body. It wasn¡¯t until she saw her favorite burgundy flooding Remy¡¯s cheeks that Allison realized what she was doing and pulled her hand away, though it took considerable effort. She smiled at herself when she remembered her earlier words, again thinking about her assumption that controlling herself would get easier over time. Instead, she noticed that every time she touched Remy, it became more difficult to break contact, every fiber of her being rejecting the loss of her presence and desperately craving more. In that moment of want, a spark of inspiration turned her thoughts back to attempting to remember the past and, in an instant, at least one of the answers eluding her became so blatantly obvious that she couldn¡¯t help laughing at herself for not realizing it earlier. That her memories of romances of the past had somehow faded into insignificance went from being a complete mystery to being the only way that it could¡¯ve ended.


    I can¡¯t remember because I don¡¯t need to. I have Remy now. Nothing else could compare.


    Remy watched Allison curiously for a moment, her expression carrying a note of caution that reminded her of when Millefeuille would see her eating something and weigh her odds of sneaking off with a bite of it. Realizing what must¡¯ve caught Remy¡¯s attention, Allison took a moment to compose herself before addressing it.


    ¡°I was just thinking that I¡¯m still going about this all wrong.¡±


    Remy only looked more confused as she took a sip from her wine glass, but it seemed to pass by the time she¡¯d lowered it again. ¡°Well, we did come here to talk, and that seems like as good a place to start as any. What¡¯s on your mind?¡±


    Right¡­to talk.


    For a moment, Allison felt a pang of guilt as she considered the fact that, as she was acting on pure impulse and desire with no rational thought behind her actions, she couldn¡¯t say with any certainty what her intentions truly were. It wasn¡¯t until she saw Remy¡¯s playful smile behind her glass that she realized that she was once again in danger of wasting time following the wrong line of reasoning again when the answer was obvious. The path she needed to follow was the only one that could hold her interest, the one that brought her closer to Remy¡¯s.


    ¡°I was wondering¡­well¡­I¡¯ve got you here with me. Finally, we¡¯re together. It¡¯s¡­it¡¯s all I wanted.¡±


    ¡°But¡­?¡±


    ¡°But¡­¡± Allison thought about how to say what she was thinking, but no amount of rephrasing it made it sound any less embarrassing. ¡°¡­now that you¡¯re here, I don¡¯t know what to do next.¡±


    Remy set her glass down on the coffee table, looking concerned. ¡°Is this still about wanting me to have a good time?¡±


    Allison shook her head, her eyes cast downward. ¡°No¡­well, not exactly. I¡¯ve¡­I¡¯ve never¡­¡±


    The words caught in her throat, and no amount of force seemed able to dislodge them. There was an inexplicable embarrassment to what she was trying to admit but, more than that, there was fear. It wasn¡¯t until she was faced with the prospect of being open about her intent that she considered the possibility that she may have miscalculated. Feeling a soft touch on her hand, she turned to see Remy¡¯s slowly wrapping itself around it. Looking up, she saw Remy looking back at her with a kindness and worry that showed so much emotion, she almost looked like an entirely different person. Gathering all of the restraint she could muster, Allison leaned closer to kiss Remy¡¯s cheek and then pull away before her body could betray her by going any further.


    ¡°Sorry, I¡­I just don¡¯t really know how to approach this. I¡¯m used to being the one who¡¯s chased, not the one who does the chasing. Not that I mind, I¡­¡± Feeling her face growing warm, Allison swallowed hard and forced herself forward before she could falter again. ¡°¡­I actually like it. I just don¡¯t know how you feel about it. Even if I did, what do I do then? I don¡¯t know how to make someone feel wanted or how to know when to move things forward or tell if what I¡¯m doing is working.¡±


    Seeing the shift in Remy¡¯s expression back to its usual neutral state, Allison began to wonder if she¡¯d already made a mistake. She rushed to correct her course, her voice timid and apologetic. ¡°Sorry¡­I know I dropped a lot on you there. I¡­guess I do that sometimes. I don¡¯t even want to think about how many of my rants I¡¯ve made Lily sit through.¡±


    Allison watched Remy fearfully as she looked for signs that she agreed with the assessment, but she simply still looked as if she was deep in thought. ¡°What does she have to say about it?¡±


    With a laugh, Allison noticed for the first time that she wasn¡¯t entirely sure. ¡°I wish I knew. She usually says she¡­something.¡± When Remy looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, she added, ¡°I don¡¯t really know what it means. Je¡­je me¡¯n something.¡±


    Allison looked up in surprise when Remy snorted, seeing her covering her mouth following her failed attempt to hide her laughter. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t happen to have been ¡®je m¡¯en calisse,¡¯ would it?¡±


    With a huff, Allison folded her arms and pouted. ¡°Does everybody but me speak French?¡±


    Remy burst into a new fit of laughter, only managing to stop when seeing Allison¡¯s frustration. ¡°Sorry, sorry. I¡¯m not laughing at you, I swear¡­well, not at the fact that you¡¯re bothered, anyway. It¡¯s just that¡­even when you¡¯re mad, you¡¯re cute.¡±


    If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    While it was true that Allison was feeling irritated, the feeling vanished immediately on hearing Remy compliment her. In spite of her attempts to halt it, her smile spread out of her control as she turned away and huffed again. ¡°Damn it.¡±


    Suddenly looking nervous, Remy cautiously reached out toward Allison. ¡°Really, I am sorry¡ª¡±


    Allison dropped her pretense and took Remy¡¯s outstretched hand before leaning against her shoulder. ¡°I know. It¡¯s not that.¡±


    ¡°Then what?¡±


    ¡°I wasn¡¯t done being mad yet.¡±


    With a nervous laugh, Remy gave Allison¡¯s hand a gentle squeeze. ¡°See what I mean? Cute.¡±


    Feeling a need to stall for enough time to process the overwhelming sensations coursing through her before she could embarrass herself, Allison changed the subject. ¡°So, what does that mean, anyway?¡±


    Remy turned away slightly, looking somewhat uncomfortable. ¡°It¡­well¡­¡±


    Thinking about what she knew about Lily, Allison laughed as she realized why Remy was suddenly so hesitant to speak. ¡°It¡¯s something obscene, isn¡¯t it?¡±


    Looking as if she was thinking carefully, Remy slowly nodded. ¡°Fairly, yes. I¡¯m sure she meant well, though. I¡¯m pretty sure that she was basically saying that she doesn¡¯t mind if you rant.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t until she felt relief that Allison realized how nervous she was in waiting for the confirmation. With the matter out of her mind, another question occurred to her. ¡°Why do you say you¡¯re ¡®pretty sure¡¯ of what she meant?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m guessing she¡¯s from Quebec.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­Montreal, actually. How did you know?¡±


    Remy looked a little uneasy again, though her smile was beginning to show through it. ¡°If I can¡¯t entirely understand someone¡¯s French, that¡¯s usually why. Things don¡¯t always mean the same thing there as they did in Louisiana, even when the words are the same.¡±


    Allison groaned as she tried and failed to guess at how a word could entirely change its meaning, even over the course of one or two thousand miles. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have been so lazy.¡±


    ¡°Hmm?¡± Remy looked at Allison after a brief pause, looking as if her mind was briefly elsewhere. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    Sighing with slight frustration with herself, Allison freed a hand and reached out to one of the plates she¡¯d prepared before sitting down. ¡°I could¡¯ve learned French in culinary school¡­actually, I was kind of supposed to.¡±


    ¡°What happened?¡±


    ¡°Laziness happened. Well, not just laziness. If I¡¯m honest, I had too much going on at the time, and I just didn¡¯t have the time or energy for anything else.¡±


    Remy was quiet for a moment before her expression turned curious. ¡°That doesn¡¯t sound like laziness. It sounds like exhaustion.¡±


    ¡°Well¡­yeah, it was, actually. I was already over capacity on my course load because I was trying to graduate early, and I had to work a couple of days a week on top of that to make ends meet.¡±


    ¡°Then why do you call it laziness?¡±


    ¡°Well, I¡­¡± When the words to explain her thoughts wouldn¡¯t come to her, Allison thought about it for a moment before realizing that she had no thoughts to explain. ¡°¡­I don¡¯t know. Habit, I guess? Aaaaaah¡­¡±


    Remy turned to Allison, giving a weak smile as she took a bite of the pasta salad she¡¯d been eating earlier. Her expression was heavy with concern as she chewed, looking as if she was taking the opportunity to choose her words carefully. ¡°That really doesn¡¯t sound fair to you, though. How did you end up falling into a habit like that?¡±


    Grimacing slightly, Allison took a bite of the pasta salad, mostly to give herself time to organize a lifetime of emotional turmoil into a single sentence. ¡°I guess you could say that I inherited it, if you know what I mean.¡±


    Much to Allison¡¯s surprise, Remy didn¡¯t look confused or sympathetic. She mostly looked angry. ¡°Better than I¡¯d like to, actually.¡±


    Allison repressed an urge to flinch, not realizing until it was too late that she¡¯d reopened an old wound. ¡°I¡¯m sorry to hear it. Do you¡­get along with any of your family?¡±


    Remy¡¯s jaw clenched for a moment as she stared blankly into the distance. ¡°I don¡¯t have any family.¡± For a moment, Allison was confused by the response and wondered what she was missing, something that Remy seemed to notice before continuing. ¡°That¡¯s what they told me, at least.¡±


    Before she could stop herself, shock and horror overwhelmed Allison¡¯s senses and urged her to speak. ¡°They said that?¡±


    ¡°More or less.¡±


    ¡°What exactly did they say?¡±


    ¡°Mostly a lot of colorful words that they think mean the same as ¡®lesbian.¡¯ If it wasn¡¯t their way of removing me from the family, then they stumbled on a pretty efficient means of getting me to do it myself.¡±


    The discomfort and sorrow that Allison was momentarily feeling when thinking of her own family was a distant memory now that she was thinking about Remy¡¯s. She wanted nothing more than to hear every sordid detail of what Remy endured and begin building the necessary anger to respond to it appropriately, the thought was stopped in its tracks when she saw the pain she¡¯d already caused by bringing it up at all. Mounting anger was quickly replaced with remorse as she leaned against Remy¡¯s shoulder again. The sensation caught Remy¡¯s attention, and she seemed to immediately understand.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. I just don¡¯t think about it often anymore, so when it comes to mind¡­¡±


    Allison sighed, not entirely relieved by Remy¡¯s understanding. ¡°Still, it¡¯s not exactly good first date conversation.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m not so sure about that.¡± When Allison leaned back to look up at her properly with a slightly startled expression, Remy looked back with a peaceful smile. ¡°It¡¯s not fun to think about, sure, but¡­it¡¯s still nice to be able to talk about it, at all let alone with someone who, well¡­understands better than they¡¯d like to. Actually, I¡¯ve been thinking about it since you brought it up, and this has been a perfect date. I never would¡¯ve thought to ask for it, but just being able to sit here and talk to you about anything is exactly what I want.¡±


    Allison wanted to be happy, but the moment was being spoiled by a nagging fear. She couldn¡¯t entirely bring herself to believe that things could be going that well, especially considering that, before that moment, she was certain that she was missing the mark entirely. She looked up at Remy, searching for any sign that there was anything more to consider before accepting her waking dream as reality. She looked into Remy¡¯s eyes and, in an instant, she¡¯d once again found that the answer was in front of her the entire time. Of the ever growing list of things she appreciated about Remy, one of the first to come to mind when thinking of her was the fact that she could be trusted. More than being confident that Remy wouldn¡¯t try to deceive her, Allison was every bit as confident that Remy wouldn¡¯t try to deceive herself. She took things for what they were, viewed matters practically and considered them honestly. On the rare occasions when she shared her thoughts without being prompted, there was no doubt whatsoever that she wasn¡¯t taking saying it lightly. Looking into her eyes filled Allison with a confidence unlike any she¡¯d ever felt, and it was nothing more than habit that pushed the words out of her.


    ¡°Are¡­are you sure?¡±


    After everything she¡¯d just thought, the sound of the question struck Allison¡¯s ear in a way that she could only interpret as a blatant accusation. Before the apology could take shape in her mind, however, it fell to pieces when Remy closed her eyes and playfully stuck her nose in the air.


    ¡°Yes, quite. An excellent show indeed, my dear. Your queen is pleased.¡±


    Remy smiled at her own joke, clearly intending to amuse and apparently unaware of the effect her words truly had. When the silence went on a little longer than expected, her eyes opened to see Allison staring at her, eyes wide and misting. Before she had time to ask what she¡¯d done wrong or even lose her sense of amusement entirely, her slowly fading smile was quickly met by Allison¡¯s, the two brought together as closely as their clasped hands.

 Lets Put Sunrise on Hold

    <div>


    <div>


    Remy had no idea how long they sat there. All sense of time was lost, seconds indistinguishable from hours and years. There was a vague thought that there was something strange and unfamiliar about losing her sense of self so completely, a sensation that normally filled her with dread and brought her to the verge of panic. In that moment, however, it simply didn¡¯t matter. There was only Allison, and anything outside of spending those precious seconds or hours or years in her arms was of no consequence. The most thought she could spare for the passing of time was to hope that the moment never ended.


    Every thought, emotion and sensation brought Remy back to Allison. Nothing else existed. She could only feel Allison¡¯s hand on her cheek, gently cradling it before slowly sliding upward along her jaw. Slender, delicate fingers tangled themselves in her hair as Allison pulled Remy into her, holding her as though trying to keep her there. For a brief moment, Remy was almost amused by the thought that there could be anywhere else she might rather be. The soft touch of Allison¡¯s lips against hers grew in intensity, leaving Remy feeling a hunger from Allison that it took time for her to recognize as desire. The realization was nearly as overwhelming as Allison¡¯s presence, and it was the closest that Remy came to thinking of anything beyond her.


    She¡­she wants me. She wants me as much as I want her.


    Time finally came back into focus as she felt Allison slowly pulling away from her, and the rest of the world slowly followed suit. Without Allison¡¯s warmth, there was an almost unnatural chill in the early summer evening air that Remy wondered how she¡¯d failed to notice before then. Allison¡¯s eyes slowly opened as a faint smile began to take shape, her gaze unfocused and making her look as if she was dreaming. She looked at her hand, and a faint blush came into view as she saw her fingers still tangled in Remy¡¯s hair. With a note of embarrassment, she carefully freed them and returned her hand to Remy¡¯s cheek, but she seemed reluctant to release her entirely. Desperate for more of her warmth, Remy placed a hand on Allison¡¯s and held it close as she closed her eyes again and pressed her cheek into it. There was another long moment of silence before Allison spoke, her voice breathless and as dreamlike as her eyes.


    ¡°I¡­can¡¯t even tell you how long I was waiting for that.¡±


    Remy gave a soft laugh as she continued to hold Allison¡¯s hand against her. ¡°For future reference, I¡¯m fine if you don¡¯t wait next time.¡±


    ¡°¡­well¡­if you insist¡­¡±


    There was another soft laugh from Remy as she felt Allison¡¯s lips against hers again, and warmth returned to her as if she was standing under the summer midday sun. She wondered how long she¡¯d been aching for the feeling, the soothing of a wound forgotten for so long that she couldn¡¯t remember suffering it. It almost felt more like satisfying a craving for something she¡¯d never had; while she wasn¡¯t entirely inexperienced, nothing from her past or any future she could imagine could come close enough to even be considered, like trying to compare an ocean to a damp sponge.


    The next time Allison pulled away, she didn¡¯t go nearly as far. Her lips continued to hover near Remy¡¯s, close enough for Remy to feel the heat radiating from her skin and hear her slow, deep breaths that sounded as if she was trying to calm herself. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke again, sounding as if she was on the verge of laughing, as well.


    ¡°You¡¯re gonna have to be careful with your choice of words. I don¡¯t think I can be trusted with an excuse to do that again.¡±


    Remy smiled as she looked into the sparkling aquamarine eyes she¡¯d come to adore. ¡°Don¡¯t feel bad about it. I doubt I can be trusted to not keep giving you excuses.¡±


    Allison chuckled as she quickly pressed her lips to Remy¡¯s again. ¡°Why do I get the feeling that we¡¯re going to end up spending a lot of time like this?¡±


    ¡°If you¡¯re expecting me to complain about it, you¡¯re in for a long wait on a plane that¡¯s not coming.¡±


    With another chuckle, Allison leaned against Remy and rested her head on her shoulder while wrapping her arms around her waist. Resting her head on the top of Allison¡¯s, Remy smiled as the slow return of her senses outside of Allison brought a question to mind.


    ¡°I want to make it clear again that I¡¯m not complaining, but¡­mind if I ask what made you do it?¡±


    Allison was quiet for a long time before responding. ¡°I¡¯m not really sure. I¡¯ve been wanting to for¡­a while.¡±


    The brief hesitation caught Remy¡¯s attention and again made her curious. ¡°How long?¡±


    There was another long silence as Allison pressed her face harder into Remy¡¯s shoulder. When she finally spoke, her voice was slightly muffled. ¡°Remember the pomegranates?¡±


    Remy thought for a moment before remembering the day they¡¯d met. ¡°The ones you came in looking for?¡±


    There was a brief moment of feeling movement that made Remy think Allison was nodding. ¡°Yeah¡­pretty much since then.¡±


    Laughing softly, Remy was surprised to hear Allison groan in response. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡±


    There was another sigh from Allison, this time sounding more frustrated than content. ¡°It¡¯s¡­it¡¯s embarrassing!¡±


    For the first time in what felt like days, Remy felt something other than serenity as confusion finally found her again. ¡°What¡¯s embarrassing about that?¡±


    ¡°What do you mean, ¡®What¡¯s embarrassing?¡¯ I¡¯ve been sitting here and thinking about you for months! How am I supposed to feel other than embarrassed admitting to something like that?¡±


    Remy gave a soft laugh as she considered the question. ¡°Now that you mention it, I have no idea. If I ever feel anything other than embarrassment when I think about it, I¡¯ll let you know.¡±


    Allison went stiff for a moment before pulling back just enough to look into Remy¡¯s eyes, her own looking cautious and anxious. ¡°Wait¡­you mean¡­?¡±


    As a reflex, Remy shyly looked away as her own words about her feelings on the matter came back to haunt her. ¡°It wasn¡¯t that day, but that¡¯s only because¡­well, I spent a long time not thinking about it any more than I had to.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± Allison¡¯s question was heavy with what sounded like worry. ¡°Were you¡­not interested?¡±


    Remy laughed, more at herself than the question. ¡°No, it was pretty much the exact opposite. I was just¡­well, if you ask Kate, I was being stubborn. Not that she was wrong, but¡­well, it was more like I was scared.¡±


    Allison didn¡¯t bother trying to hide her relief, but it didn¡¯t last long. ¡°Scared? Of what?¡±


    For a moment, Remy wasn¡¯t sure how to answer the question as she sifted through the flood of possible answers, all of them equally accurate. ¡°Past experiences¡­being hurt again. Admitting that I felt anything at all. You.¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.


    ¡°Me?¡±


    ¡°I didn¡¯t think there was any way you¡¯d ever feel anything for me. Entertaining the idea felt like a waste of time.¡±


    Allison smiled before kissing Remy again. ¡°And now?¡±


    With another quiet laugh, Remy had to admit that the concern she had only hours earlier felt as if it was from another lifetime. ¡°I¡¯m glad I was wrong, if that¡¯s what you mean. At the time, though¡­well, look at you. Everything about you is perfect. Why would someone like you even notice someone like¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Remy gave a loud sigh through the smile she was pretending she couldn¡¯t feel on her face. ¡°Well, that¡¯s what I was thinking then, anyway.¡±


    Allison smiled, but her eyes were suspicious. ¡°And now?¡±


    ¡°¡­I¡¯m working on it.¡±


    After another quick kiss, Allison finally released Remy long enough to lean toward the coffee table and reach for another plate. As she began filling it with more pasta salad, Remy¡¯s mind finally slipped into gear as curiosity caught her attention again. Seeing Allison fill a plate with food made her wonder what happened to the one she had been holding only minutes earlier. Scanning the room, her eyes finally fell on the golden rim of a dinner plate on the floor that was nearly hidden from her field of vision by the sofa. Her thoughts still primarily occupied by Allison, it took her a moment of wondering why it looked wrong to realize that it was upside down. A closer inspection revealed bits of pasta salad and several small pieces of cheese scattered across the carpet at Allison¡¯s feet.


    ¡°What¡­what happened?¡±


    Allison looked up at Remy for a moment before noticing that her eyes were fixed on the floor. Immediately turning red, she didn¡¯t bother to ask what Remy meant as she returned to filling the new plate. ¡°I¡­dropped it. Earlier, I mean, when I¡­¡± She gave Remy another quick glance and looked relieved to see slowly dawning recognition, signaling that she didn¡¯t need to explain any further. ¡°I had more important things on my mind at the moment, okay?¡±


    Confusion and concern again yielded to thoughts of Allison. Remy smiled, her mind again occupied by noting every detail of Allison¡¯s presence as she noted how flustered she became when embarrassed.


    Yeah¡­still cute. ¡°Okay, okay¡­fair enough. I doubt I¡¯d have done any better if I¡¯d been holding it. It¡¯s fine, anyway. I¡¯m sure I can get that out with a little¡ª¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± Allison returned to her seat ad began spearing the pasta with a new fork. ¡°It wasn¡¯t that important then, and it¡¯s not that important now. It can wait.¡±


    ¡°But what if it¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Nope. Aaaaaaah¡­¡±


    Habit urged Remy to argue, but the objection was quickly overruled. Caught between knowing that Allison wouldn¡¯t back down and the overwhelming desire to see her happy, Remy opened her mouth. As the fork touched her tongue, it was almost as if she was tasting it for the first time. Any sensation beyond Allison felt unfamiliar to her, as if they were years behind her and she needed to exert effort to remember them. As the flavor slowly jogged her memory, it added to the temptation to let habit rest and finally give in to the demand to ignore responsibility, if only for a night. Remembering how good Allison was at what she did, Remy reluctantly admitted that Allison might be right; after all, the pasta salad was the second best thing she¡¯d ever tasted.


    More time passed with Remy¡¯s being pampered by Allison, occasionally being asked about what she liked most so far. Remy tried to add what seemed to her like valuable feedback, commenting on the specifics of how flavors were balanced and how textures complimented each other. Allison seemed grateful at first, but Remy eventually noticed that Allison¡¯s continuing questions made it seem as if she was expecting something that she wasn¡¯t receiving. When Remy noticed the look in her eyes that seemed vaguely reminiscent of frustration, it occurred to her that she may have misunderstood the actual reason for the questions. Allowing intuition to take the lead, Remy took the energy she was pouring into thinking of ways to compliment Allison¡¯s cooking and shifted it to thinking of what she wanted most. When she simply asked for more of the potato salad, the effect of the change in strategy was immediately apparent. Allison¡¯s mood brightened beyond even its usual cheer as she happily ran to the kitchen to find it. Remy exhaled deeply, thinking that she was still convinced that the throne didn¡¯t suit her. Seeing Allison¡¯s smile and knowing that she was the reason for it, however, it didn¡¯t escape her notice that being royalty for a night had at least some merit.


    After sampling several more dishes, Allison¡¯s expression took a slight turn as she began showing a sense of excitement that she seemed to be putting effort into containing. Seeing her occasional sideways glances gave Remy the impression that she was trying to be patient. Remembering all of the moments she¡¯d dismissed earlier in the evening when Allison came close and lingered before pulling away and the growing intensity of the kiss that eventually followed, Remy started to get the feeling that, while Allison was polite and willing to be patient, it was probably best to not keep her waiting for too long. She hurried to finish chewing the bite she¡¯d just taken enough to swallow, drawing a look of surprise and curiosity from Allison.


    ¡°Something wrong?¡±


    Remy shook her head as she cleared her throat. ¡°No, nothing like that. You just¡­look like you¡¯ve got something on your mind. I was just wondering what.¡±


    Allison smiled at Remy while touching her cheek. ¡°I¡¯m never going to get you to just think about yourself for a minute, am I?¡±


    With a shrug, Remy smiled back as she lifted her wine glass. ¡°While you¡¯re around? I doubt it. So what are you thinking about?¡±


    Looking like she wanted to be frustrated, Allison fought her smile for a moment before relenting and laughing softly. ¡°Fine¡­I guess I can let you have this one. It¡­runs the risk of being more unpleasant first date talk, though.¡±


    Again, Remy shrugged. Remembering the last time Allison had worried about the same thing, she realized that, given that Allison was the one she was talking to, she couldn¡¯t even think of it as being entirely unpleasant. ¡°I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll manage. Let¡¯s hear it.¡±


    Allison still looked nervous, but she nodded in agreement. ¡°I was just thinking about what you said earlier about how the past¡­well, wasn¡¯t the best. Before that, you were starting to talk about your family. It just¡­it made me realize how much I don¡¯t know about you. Not nearly as much as I¡¯d like to, at least.¡±


    Had she been asked, Remy would¡¯ve reluctantly admitted that there was a distinct possibility that she¡¯d bitten off more than she could chew. She could see where the conversation was going, and it certainly wasn¡¯t anywhere she¡¯d have chosen for herself. Still, the desire was certainly relatable. She often wanted the same thing, and learning that Allison¡¯s past didn¡¯t sound nearly as pleasant as she¡¯d always assumed hadn¡¯t curbed her enthusiasm as much as caused her to respectfully set the desire aside. Thinking about how it felt to bring up the past herself, however, she remembered how it felt to be able to discuss it with someone who understood. It seemed like too much to hope for, but it made Remy wonder if she could possibly be as much help. Seeing Allison¡¯s hopeful expression slowly being replaced with unease, Remy realized how long she¡¯d been silently waiting for a response. The sense of urgency that came as a result gave her the push she needed to be just a little daring.


    ¡°I¡­I get that. I think the same thing about you. Actually¡­do you feel up to a trade? A story for a story. I don¡¯t mind if you ask me questions, and I¡¯ll answer them either way. If you don¡¯t mind talking, though¡­I just want you to know that I don¡¯t mind listening. In fact, I¡¯d¡­like to.¡±


    There was another noticeably long silence as Allison¡¯s eyes again began to shimmer. As Remy was wondering if she should ask whether she¡¯d said something wrong or not, Allison leaned forward and kissed her again. As with the last time she¡¯d seen that look on Allison¡¯s face, Remy had no idea what thoughts might have led to that reaction, each guess seeming no more or less likely than any other. When Allison pulled away and looked at her with what was becoming a familiar dreamlike expression, however, it suddenly didn¡¯t seem to matter much. Whatever she was thinking, it was making her happy.


    After taking a moment to collect herself, Allison finally spoke. ¡°For the record, that¡¯s why someone like me would notice someone like you.¡±


    Remy could only laugh softly, both at Allison and herself. Allison was just being as sweet as always, but Remy surprised herself when the realization that she had no idea what Allison meant didn''t spark a sense of urgency. For once, she was willing to simply relax and not worry, confident that answers would come in time and that there was no need to relentlessly hunt them. Everything about being with her was new, and it was surprising Remy less and less to encounter the unexpected. It was a little strange to think about, but it was somehow giving her the confidence to take the chains off of the doors that hid her darkest memories, even if only briefly. With Allison near, even her darkest days seemed at least a little brighter. Taking another sip of her wine followed by a deep breath, Remy prepared herself to charge into the unknown once again, hand in hand with Allison.


    ¡°So¡­what do you want to know first?¡±

 And Keep the Moon in the Sky

    What lay ahead of Allison looked like a golden opportunity as she tried to organize her racing thoughts into coherent questions, each one that occurred to her feeling more pressing than the last. Better yet, it was an opportunity that Remy herself had given. She sat quietly, sipping her wine and patiently waiting for Allison to begin speaking. It was nearly perfect, but the moment¡¯s one imperfection seemed to outweigh all else, defying Allison¡¯s every attempt to settle on a single curiosity to satisfy first.


    Remy¡¯s mask of determination and calm was firmly in place, but Allison was certain that it was just that. It pained her to admit that she didn¡¯t know Remy as well as she¡¯d like to yet, but one bittersweet comfort was that she at least felt familiar enough with Remy¡¯s expressions to know when she was putting effort into her stoic appearance. Remy continually shifted in her seat, making movements so small that they were nearly imperceptible. She wasn¡¯t uncomfortable; she was fidgeting. She swirled the wine in her glass, but she didn¡¯t look at it all, instead staring off into the distance. She wasn¡¯t appreciating the wine; she was looking for something to do with her hands. To the casual observer, she would likely simply look bored, a worry that occurred to Allison before being immediately dispelled by remembering everything that had passed between them over the last several minutes. As much as there was to learn, Allison was certain that Remy wasn¡¯t bored. She was nervous, and to a level that Allison hadn¡¯t seen since they¡¯d met under the wisteria tree in the park earlier that evening. She¡¯d been relaxing and growing more comfortable as time went on, leading Allison to conclude that this sudden regression could only be the result of what was beginning to feel like a foolish request.


    As she was trying to think of ways to back out of the conversation before it could begin, Allison glanced at Remy and noticed that Remy was looking back at her. No longer fidgeting, all of her energy seemed to be focused into studying Allison as intently as she was being studied, though without any of Allison¡¯s subtlety.


    ¡°You¡¯re worried. Why?¡±


    Having nearly recovered from being startled by seeing Remy watch her so closely, Allison had to start over from the beginning as she heard the one question she didn¡¯t want to answer. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat makes you think I¡¯m worried?¡±


    ¡°You¡¯re thinking entirely too hard for it to be about anything good.¡±


    Allison huffed, frustrated by both the mild embarrassment of having been seen through so easily and the inconvenience of the fact that denying the suspicion seemed pointless. ¡°I was just thinking that¡­that I might be asking too much of you right now.¡±


    Remy took a deep breath before responding, looking as if she was bracing herself. ¡°No, really¡­it¡¯s fine. I can do this.¡±


    There was a moment of relief that came from Remy¡¯s look of determination, but Allison couldn¡¯t ignore the effort that was being put into it. ¡°You do not look fine. You don¡¯t have to push yourself like this, you know.¡±


    ¡°But I¡­I want to!¡± Remy turned as red as her wine as she looked down at it, seemingly as surprised as Allison by how forcefully the words had come out of her mouth. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before going on, her voice slightly unsteady. ¡°S¡ªsorry. It¡¯s just¡­well¡­remember when I said that I want to know more about you? Well, I want you to know more about me, too¡­even if it means showing the parts that might make you change your mind about me. It really is nice to be able to talk to someone who understands, but it¡¯s also that I¡­I like feeling closer to you.¡±


    It wasn¡¯t the first time that evening that Allison felt her eyes threatening to overflow, but that didn¡¯t seem to have any effect on the present, the sensation that her heart was in something¡¯s grip still every bit as intense as it had been the first time she¡¯d felt it. It felt as if it should be startling, but Allison found a sense of comfort in it instead. Remy had her heart in her hands, strong and determined as they cradled it with the soothing care of a lover while protecting it with the undying devotion of a knight in shining armor. That feeling was what made Allison understand what Remy wanted in that moment, and why she was willing to endure discomfort to get it. In a sense, it was the same promise that they¡¯d made earlier in the evening to set their discomfort aside and move forward, having already reached the decision that a rocky path to a future together outweighed any present in which they were apart. As much as Allison hated the idea of Remy¡¯s feeling any discomfort for any reason, she was willing to respect the decision she understood, however reluctantly. She leaned forward and brought her lips to Remy¡¯s, her only way to express the emotions that overflowed and could no longer be contained.


    When Allison pulled away, she¡¯d reached another decision that she hoped would serve as a happy medium between their interests. ¡°Well, I won¡¯t be changing my mind, so go ahead and forget about that part.¡± When Remy opened her mouth to respond, Allison held a fingertip over her nose and silenced her before continuing. ¡°Still, maybe we should just start slowly, just in case. Don¡¯t be afraid to stop if you need to.¡±


    Giving a faint smile and looking slightly dazed, Remy nodded. ¡°Alright, but you¡¯re still at the wheel. Ask away.¡±


    Allison laughed softly as she pushed aside the warm, tingling sensation that flooded her at those words with a reminder to keep them in their intended context. ¡°You make it sound like I¡¯m conducting an interview.¡±


    With a laugh of her own, Remy looked as if she was thinking for a moment. ¡°Actually, given the situation, it might end up feeling more like a therapy session. Should I be lying down on the couch for this?¡±


    There was another laugh from Allison, this time sounding slightly higher in pitch and sounding a little too excited for comfort. She stifled it, a knee-jerk reaction driving her to bring it to heel before it could give her away. Remy Dauphine, don¡¯t you dare start tempting me. I almost have myself under control. ¡°Well, I guess the first thing I want to know about is what you were like before we met¡­before you came to Violet Meadows, I mean.¡±


    Remy looked as if she was thinking quite hard, her amusement fading as her expression became one of intense focus. ¡°You know, when I think about it, I don¡¯t really know what to say. I don¡¯t think I¡¯m any different at all aside from being happier.¡±


    ¡°Happier? How?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m Black, gay and an atheist. Living in an upper-middle class suburb in Louisiana wasn¡¯t really doing me any favors.¡± Remy laughed softly, but something about what she saw in Allison¡¯s expression seemed to urge her to press on. ¡°Violet Meadows is a long way from Metairie. They might as well be in two entirely different countries that both happen to speak English. I never intended to end up here specifically, but I definitely intended to end up somewhere different. I¡¯m better for it.¡± There was a note of sadness in Remy¡¯s eyes as she looked away and quietly added, ¡°It cost me, though.¡±


    Another torrent of curiosity flooded Allison¡¯s mind with questions, again leaving her too desperate for answers to know where to start. As she was attempting to settle on just one of them, she noticed that Remy¡¯s look of sadness vanished in an instant. There was a moment of jealousy over how quickly Remy could bring her emotions under control and reshape her entire demeanor as she saw fit, a level of discipline that Allison could barely comprehend. The thought was quickly overshadowed by concern, however, as she realized that Remy apparently felt it necessary. It wasn¡¯t a pleasant thought. Allison had willingly relented and accepted that the turn the conversation had taken was necessary even if it wasn¡¯t going to be entirely comfortable, but she flatly refused to ignore Remy¡¯s comfort entirely. She took a moment to refill Remy¡¯s glass and, after taking a sip from it herself, she leaned against Remy¡¯s shoulder and settled into a comfortable spot as she wrapped an arm around her waist. As she felt Remy take a deep breath and her rigid posture relaxed slightly, Allison restrained a sigh of relief.


    With the tension in the air slightly eased, Allison settled on a question that seemed least likely to cause any distress as she kept things moving forward. ¡°You said they speak English in Metairie. They don¡¯t speak French?¡±


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    Much to Allison¡¯s surprise, Remy quietly laughed. ¡°You¡¯d think so. It seems like people tend to, at least, like with Lily and Montreal where there¡¯s a more or less even split between French and English. That¡¯s not really like in Louisiana, though¡­not any parts I¡¯ve ever been to, at least. Aside from the names of places and a few words here and there, French is relatively rare. I can¡¯t say for sure how other families work, but it seems like most people who speak it fluently do so because they grew up with it. I only learned it because I had to.¡±


    ¡°Had to? Why?¡±


    Remy¡¯s expression soured slightly, but it didn¡¯t take her long to return it to its neutral resting position. ¡°My mother insisted on it.¡±


    Allison studied Remy as best she could without making it obvious. Her stoic demeanor was fixed in place and entirely unreadable, leaving Allison to take her best guess as to how to proceed. A change of subject at that point seemed not only obvious, but also a bit inconsiderate after Remy had already expressed a desire to discuss these things in spite of her discomfort. Deciding that there was no putting it off indefinitely, Allison decided to proceed as cautiously as she could manage.


    ¡°Why? Does your family speak French?¡±


    Remy¡¯s expression didn¡¯t shift, making her short and bitter laugh cause Allison to briefly wonder if she¡¯d made the wrong choice. ¡°Not a word. That was probably why she insisted on it.¡± She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh before continuing. ¡°I should back up a bit. See, for any of it to make any sense, you have to know my mother. She¡¯s¡­¡±


    When Remy¡¯s voice trailed off, her mask cracked and she took on a look of concentration tinged with pain. In a panic, Allison reached up and kissed her jaw, then waited to see Remy¡¯s expression change for the better before speaking. ¡°I¡¯m guessing she isn¡¯t exactly pleasant.¡±


    Remy gave another bitter laugh. ¡°She¡¯s lazy, narcissistic, manipulative, vindictive, desperate for attention and, as time goes on, increasingly unstable. Actually, now that I think about it, that¡¯s exactly how I ended up speaking French.¡± She looked at Allison and smiled, seeming to notice her confusion before continuing. ¡°I should back up again. At some point one summer, she got into an argument with my grandmother and one of my aunts about¡­something. I don¡¯t even remember what. I wasn¡¯t paying attention until the yelling started.¡±


    Another question came to mind, and the concern that followed caused it to slip out of Allison¡¯s mouth before she could stop it. ¡°Was that normal?¡±


    ¡°Depressingly normal. They would wake up in the morning and start the day arguing with each other, and half of the time it would continue off and on until they went to bed mad. I swear, they screamed as much as they talked. I never could figure out why they could never just leave each other alone. They¡¯d randomly show up at each other¡¯s houses and spend half the day there, seemingly just to continue a fight that started earlier in the week. Then they¡¯d go home and either spend all night gloating because they felt like they won or take it out on whoever was unlucky enough to live with them because they didn¡¯t want to admit that they lost. Even when someone finally had enough and moved away, it was usually only a matter of time before they moved back, assuming they ever got far enough away for it to be too far to drive to keep an argument going. My mother crossed the entire country for college mostly to escape, but she just ended up right back in Louisiana where she started and it was back to business as usual. Even when they were apart, the fights just took place over the phone. It was like someone¡¯s idea of hell and they all existed just to make each other miserable.¡±


    As Allison struggled to imagine living that way, she thought about her own family. Setting aside the yelling, much of what she¡¯d just heard sounded uncomfortably familiar. It took her a moment to look over and realize that Remy was watching her and looking wary.


    ¡°Sorry. I know I just dropped a lot on you there.¡±


    Shaking her head, Allison settled back into her place on Remy¡¯s shoulder. ¡°Actually, I was just thinking that our families aren¡¯t really all that different. Mine is just more subtle.¡± She wanted to explain as she saw a look of curiosity, but she quickly dismissed the desire as she remembered that this moment was about Remy. ¡°So how did you end up speaking French?¡±


    Remy sighed again, looking oddly irritated while also slightly amused. ¡°By the time I was paying attention, the argument was about my grandfather. They were apparently going back and forth about who was or wasn¡¯t respecting the family heritage, and at some point it came up that he was fluent in Louisiana French. He was Creole and grew up out in the woods, so that wasn¡¯t exactly unusual. Where it took a turn was with my grandmother¡¯s suggestion that everyone else in the family should be fluent, too. Something about how he didn¡¯t spend enough time at home teaching his children about their history before he died.¡±


    ¡°Does your grandmother speak French?¡±


    ¡°Just enough to read a menu in a restaurant, but that was still more than anyone else in the family by that point. I guess that made her technically better than everybody else, and I suspect that¡¯s how it all started. My mother probably got it in her head that she could show everybody up if she could show up to Sunday dinner one week and start speaking fluently. She started, but¡­well, it didn¡¯t last long.¡±


    Allison was taken aback. For someone who would put as much effort into an argument to let it span multiple days and go to as far as learning an entire language to win it, it was surprising that she¡¯d choose that point to give up on it all. ¡°So, she just¡­quit?¡±


    Remy huffed, again looking both amused and annoyed. ¡°Not exactly. Remember how I said that she¡¯s lazy and manipulative? Well, that¡¯s where I came in. She¡¯s never been one to hesitate to carry someone else¡¯s accomplishments around and show them off as her own if she could find the justification, and she always saw the accomplishments of her children as hers by default. All of the French language books she bought and stopped reading after two or three days got dropped in my lap by the end of the week.¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyes narrowed. ¡°So¡­she just¡­made you learn French for her?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much. If I¡¯d known better, I¡¯d have pretended to be too stupid, but I doubt it would¡¯ve worked. She knew me well enough to know what I was good at, and studying was always at the top of the list. On top of that, I was having fun with it and French isn¡¯t really that hard to learn if you go all in. When she saw that I was interested, she started throwing anything she could find at me that was French. She even signed me up for immersion courses, and that¡¯s where it really took off.¡±


    ¡°Immersion courses?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s pretty much what it sounds like. They just sit you in a room and speak nothing but French all day long. You¡¯re not even allowed to speak English.¡±


    Allison couldn¡¯t stop herself from recoiling at the thought. ¡°That sounds¡­cruel.¡±


    With a laugh, Remy shook her head. ¡°I¡¯m making it sound worse than it was. French really is easy to learn if you¡¯re a native English speaker. When you¡¯re surrounded by it all day long, you can learn it entirely by mistake¡­which is about what happened, especially since it was summer and I had all day. By the time school started again, I was able to follow entire conversations. A year later, I was able to test and be officially recognized as fluent.¡±


    For a moment, Allison couldn¡¯t hide how amazed she was by Remy. ¡°That¡¯s¡­impressive.¡± Seeing Remy¡¯s expression take a turn toward sadness, however, she immediately backtracked. ¡°That¡¯s¡­not impressive?¡±


    Remy smiled sadly. ¡°It¡¯s not a bad thing, necessarily. It¡¯s just¡­it would be a happier memory if I¡¯d been allowed to just have fun learning something new instead of being paraded around like a dog in a show and constantly forced to perform tricks to entertain guests at parties. I lost count of how many times I¡¯ve recited ¡°Demain, d¨¨s l¡¯aube¡± and ¡°Chanson d¡¯automne¡± for relatives who had no idea what I was saying, and all to spite someone I had been close to¡­up to that point, at least. It took me years to put two and two together and figure out why my grandmother always looked sad when I spoke French around her or why, after a few family dinners and demonstrations, she wouldn¡¯t even look at me if she didn¡¯t absolutely have to. It¡¯s¡­frustrating, I guess. Even the parts of me that I kind of like come from something I hate.¡±


    Allison was at a loss as to how to continue. As much as she wanted to be supportive, she was forced to admit that she was out of her depth as she slowly began to realize just how deeply Remy¡¯s feelings about her past truly ran. Remy didn¡¯t seem deterred, though, and she looked determined to persevere. Taking a sip of Remy¡¯s wine, Allison decided that the best she could do in that moment was to stay by her side. It was the easiest decision she¡¯d made all evening.


    ¡°Well, for the record, I like those parts of you, too.¡± Again holding up a fingertip and pointing it at Remy¡¯s nose, Allison continued as if she hadn¡¯t narrowly avoided being interrupted. ¡°So, how did you end up in Violet Meadows?¡±


    Remy sighed again and leaned back against the couch, gently squeezing Allison¡¯s hand. Taking it as an opportunity to show support, Allison returned the gesture as she patiently waited. Seemingly emboldened by the reciprocation, Remy appeared to find the courage to carry on.


    ¡°That¡¯s a long story of its own¡­but here we go.¡±

 Even Through Rough Seas (The Former Part)

    Remy smiled wistfully as she looked down at the wine glass in her hand. In that moment, all was nearly perfect. Dinner was perfect, the wine was amazing and the quiet, private setting was all she¡¯d ever hoped it could¡¯ve been. At the same time, all of it barely registered, its significance paling in comparison to the beauty and wonder of the woman peacefully resting against her shoulder. The delicate fragrance of pears and jasmine found its way to Remy¡¯s nose and, as always, flooded her senses to the point of momentarily drowning out all else. It was one of many subtle reminders of what was right in front of her, entirely unnecessary but always welcomed with gratitude. Every moment shared with Allison felt like a precious gift, the dawning of a beautiful day that was never promised. The dark clouds gathering on the horizon did nothing to change that.


    Allison shifted in her seat, lifting her head and turning to look up at Remy. Her eyes were cautious as she stared up, and she gently squeezed


    Remy¡¯s hand as if bracing herself. ¡°So¡­I was wondering¡­¡±


    Remy took a deep breath before turning her eyes toward Allison, resigning herself to the fact that the moment couldn¡¯t be delayed any longer. ¡°No, I don¡¯t want to talk about something else. I¡¯m fine, really.¡±


    Looking somewhat relieved, Allison smiled even as her stare hardened. ¡°I¡¯ll have you know that I was just going to ask you to continue with your story.¡±


    Suppressing a laugh, Remy returned Allison¡¯s stare with one of suspicion. ¡°Is that a fact?¡±


    Allison playfully huffed and turned her head, tossing her hair in mock indignation. ¡°In the sense that you can¡¯t prove otherwise.¡±


    No longer able to hold back her laughter, Remy chuckled as she pulled Allison close and pressed her lips to the cheek turned toward her. ¡°Fine, fine¡­case dismissed due to lack of evidence.¡±


    The momentary distraction was pleasant but, now that the moment had passed, the weight of the unavoidable began pressing down on her with renewed strength. No longer sure if she was more interested in keeping her promise or simply finally putting the task behind her, Remy hugged Allison a little more tightly and slowly inhaled the delicate fragrance one more time. Whether it came from courage or comfort, it gave her the strength to move forward.


    ¡°So¡­where were we?¡±


    Allison pulled Remy¡¯s wine glass toward her and took a sip, her expression momentarily intense and focused. She looked as if she was choosing her words carefully. ¡°You were going to tell me about when you left Metairie. It sounds like you¡­didn¡¯t have much of a choice in the matter.¡±


    Much to her surprise, Remy felt a sense of pride as she unearthed the memory of her last day before leaving. ¡°Actually, in the end, it was entirely my choice. It wasn¡¯t necessarily the best one, but I wouldn¡¯t change it.¡±


    It was almost exactly two years earlier when Remy found herself sitting on the edge of her bed, fighting back tears and feeling as if she was instead sitting on the edge of a cliff and staring into an abyss. She¡¯d spent most of her life running from a looming threat that hid in the shadows, always managing to stay a step ahead and just out of its reach. Now, however, as she sat at the edge of the cliff and staring at nothing but darkness ahead of her, she¡¯d finally stopped running. She¡¯d always hoped that when that moment came, it would be because she¡¯d found the courage to turn and face the monster that hunted her from the shadows. Having finally reached that moment, she could only feel shame. She would face the monster, but not because of any intent or desire. She¡¯d simply run out of road.


    Remy¡¯s ears were still ringing from her most recent argument with her mother, the better part of an hour spent shouting at each other until it felt as if the walls were shaking. As always, it was entirely pointless. Much of Remy¡¯s frustration and sadness came from the knowledge that, no matter what words were said, the outcome of the argument wouldn¡¯t change any more than the intent behind it. Remy only wanted to be heard and understood, but the demand always fell on deaf ears. Her mother only wanted to be blindly obeyed, and anything that stood between her and what she wanted was noise to be ignored. Neither would abandon their stances, leaving both Remy¡¯s needs and her mother¡¯s demands unmet and making another attempt to decide the matter through conflict inevitable.


    Remy was the immovable object to her mother¡¯s unstoppable force, and the strain of refusing to yield was taking a toll on her heart. What hurt most was that, in all likelihood, that was her mother¡¯s intent. Remy made no secret of the fact that she was growing weary of the endless fighting, at it was just as well known that the hardened exterior that she¡¯d built around herself over the years was a callus protecting a soft and fragile heart. Since her parents¡¯ divorce when she was ten, Remy¡¯s life had been a gauntlet of pains that, over time, taught her through hard knocks to armor her heart. At the same, those same lessons slowly chipped away at that armor. Maintaining it was exhausting, and her shield was growing heavy. She¡¯d learned too many times to count the consequences of even a moment¡¯s inattention, but she was weary of conflict and questioning the worth of continuing this way.


    The more time went on, the less it seemed a life worth living, even with a promise of a semblance of protection. Remy had made the mistake of admitting this once before, desperately pleading for an end to the incessant clashes that were as reliable as markers of the passing days as the calendar. She¡¯d hoped for mercy, but it seemed that her mother merely sensed an opportunity to move in for the kill. Since that day, there was an unmistakable effort to wear down the last of Remy¡¯s resolve, the demands increasing in frequency and the severity of the consequences of failing to meet them growing in kind. Worse, there was no escape from the fighting, no safe haven in which Remy could take shelter and recover. Her mother took comfort in the many connections she¡¯d forged with anyone she felt was either intellectually inferior or intimidated enough to not question her, but she¡¯d also poisoned every well along the way to keep Remy from being afforded the same reprieve. Any contact they shared was too suspicious or too fearful to risk giving her aid, and there was always an excuse for the wedge that was inevitably driven between her and any she attempted to forge alone. It had become a war of attrition, and it was one that Remy was slowly losing.


    In that moment, sitting on her bed, the most recent argument over the most recent demands flooded her mind as they always did, often for hours afterward. She formed list after list of counterarguments she could¡¯ve made, insults she wished that she¡¯d hurled and no end of explanation of her feelings and reasons she never explained. Ultimately, all she¡¯d done was fall into the same trap as always, responding to shouted demands with screaming refusals until her throat was raw. It hurt her to think that she¡¯d wasted time that could¡¯ve gone to reason and negotiation with unfiltered and unfocused anger, but it hurt her more to know that there was no more sense to be found in attempting to negotiate. Another lesson hard learned over the years was that there was no reasoning with the unreasonable, and nothing would end the fighting other than unconditional surrender or exhaustion.


    The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    The only silver lining to that dark cloud was that it had been some time since the demands or the tactics had changed. Waking up nearly every morning to pounding on her bedroom door hard enough for the hinges to begin to yield and a torrent of insults was made at least somewhat easier by knowing ahead of time what would be said. The demands were all familiar; go to the church she¡¯d come to hate, move forward in a job she couldn¡¯t stand, have children she didn¡¯t want and, before that, find a husband she wanted even less. There would often be others, typically trifle matters such as complaining that she never did any cleaning around the house and, when it was pointed out that she was the only one that did, complaining about not liking how she did it. These matters were typically just diversions, desperate attempts to draw attention away from the fact that any other arguments made concerning the right to make any demands of Remy¡¯s life at all lacked substance and merit. Ever since threats of eternal damnation as a punishment for disobedience ceased to have any effect, the failure to replace it with anything effective became the one flaw in her armor. The closest Remy came to a glimmer of hope was that small confirmation that she was right in believing that her mother wasn¡¯t without fault and that she wasn¡¯t stupid, crazy or just desperate to be right as was so often suggested.


    Sitting on the bed, Remy felt her hands twitching. Suddenly feeling the need to do something with them, she began burning nervous energy by folding the laundry that had been piled in a nearby basket for the better part of a week. She didn¡¯t particularly care about it, but it was better than sitting there in silence and dwelling on her inability to get her mother¡¯s voice out of her head while trying to ignore the clock. She¡¯d come to hate anything that told the time, always feeling as if she was watching the timer on a bomb count down to zero. Years of experience had taught her to be mindful of the time, her pulse racing harder and her breath harder to catch as she drew nearer to the time she could expect her mother to return home from work. Every item on the ever growing list of tasks that was laid out for her needed to be completed before then, the entire house the picture of perfection just to give her mother something to ignore as she complained that it hadn¡¯t been done. She¡¯d always thought that crossing the threshold into adulthood would do something to lessen or otherwise improve that, but it only made the incessant admonishment more humiliating.


    As she folded clothes, she came close to wishing that she had her own job to keep her thoughts occupied. She loathed it with a passion, her entire chest feeling as if it was caught in a vise every time she pulled into the parking lot. Her college graduation several weeks earlier was another disappointment as she¡¯d hoped it would bring opportunities for employment beyond working for just above minimum wage, hopefully doing something that at least interested her in some way and finally bringing in enough money for her to start turning her thoughts toward a life beyond that house. As graduation came and went, however, a struggling economy and a lack of local demand made working in retail and selling prebuilt computers the closest she could come to a career in information technology. Rumor had it that the jobs existed, but nowhere that was doing her any good. It was like a cruel joke; the solution to her problems was so far away, they could only be found in the places she needed that solution to reach in the first place. Once again, she was trapped.


    Between low pay and the constant insisting every month that one bill or another was somehow more her responsibility than anyone else¡¯s in the house, Remy barely made enough to feed herself before and during college. Had it not been for finding a way to hide the exact amounts she¡¯d received from student loan disbursements and her current job that paid an extra three dollars an hour that her mother had no way of knowing about, she wouldn¡¯t even have the small savings that she¡¯d managed to collect. Even then, that had been a close call.


    I want to see those check stubs, and I want to see them right now or you can find somewhere else to live!


    You need access to my bank account as much as I need access to yours. You can get what you¡¯re getting and be happy with it or you can keep pushing it and end up with nothing. I¡¯m good either way. Just remember that you¡¯re the only one right now with something to lose.


    Remy almost smiled when she thought about that argument, the first that ever took place between the two of them that ended with her mother in silence. She¡¯d wanted to think that her mother was finally beginning to see reason, but the following days and weeks proved that it wasn¡¯t reason that she was seeing nearly as much as fear. As Remy had thought about it more later, she realized that the outcome of the argument wasn¡¯t the only thing that was different. She would normally scream as loudly as she could, desperate to match what she was receiving with the hope that she would eventually be heard over the chaos. In that moment, however, she wasn¡¯t angry or even sad. She was simply done. For the time it took her to utter those words, she was emotionally drained to the point at which she couldn¡¯t even feel the need to be recognized or fear of the consequences of trying. Remy didn¡¯t shout, stomp on the floor, flail her arms or any of the other things she normally did as she unconsciously mimicked her mother¡¯s antics. Her voice was low and even, and her stare was hard and steady. As much as it terrified her to think of all of the ways that encounter could¡¯ve ended as a result, she knew with absolute certainty that she¡¯d meant every word. She didn¡¯t care anymore and, as far as she was concerned, she really didn¡¯t have anything to lose.


    Remy¡¯s mother noticed the change long before Remy noticed it herself and, while she attempted to remain in control of the situation as always, she couldn¡¯t hide her fear of whatever it was that she¡¯d seen as she looked into Remy¡¯s eyes that day. The next several days were the quietest that Remy could remember in years, with her mother¡¯s going out of her way to avoid her at all costs. When contact could no longer be avoided, she began pretending that nothing had happened at all, speaking to her as normally as she would speak to Remy¡¯s sister. It took nearly two weeks of Remy¡¯s silence for her mother to regain the confidence to test the waters and begin prodding at her again, and nearly as long for the usual arguing to fully resume. After that day, however, things never fully went back to the way they were. There was always a point at which Remy would tire of the fighting and grow silent, and her mother would sense the change and find an excuse to storm off, claiming victory and the moral high ground before becoming conspicuously quiet for several days and warily watching Remy before resuming her incessant demands.


    Sitting on the couch and still holding Allison for comfort, Remy finally stopped speaking as she heard her voice crack. Having spoken more at one time than she had in years, she was growing hoarse and feeling a rawness in her throat that was vaguely reminiscent of her time spent arguing from morning until night. She took a sip of her wine to soothe her throat and noticed a trembling sensation that briefly made her wonder if remembering those last days in Metairie had affected her more than she¡¯d realized. Feeling embarrassment at the thought after having assumed for so long that she¡¯d finally put it all behind her, it took a moment for her to realize that it was Allison¡¯s trembling she was feeling. Embarrassment quickly gave way to remorse as she thought about how many details she could¡¯ve omitted in retelling the story.


    ¡°Hey¡­listen, maybe we should put this on hold. I¡­I didn¡¯t meant to say as much as I did.¡±


    There was a long and tense pause before Allison pulled away from Remy¡¯s shoulder far enough to look up at her. Tears spilling from her eyes, she shook her head as her quivering lips pressed together and a stern expression of determination firmly set in place. ¡°No¡­no, you didn''t do anything wrong at all. Let¡¯s continue.¡±


    ¡°Are you sure? I mean, we can always¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Allison tried to force a smile, but she couldn¡¯t hide the unsteadiness in her hand as she pressed Remy¡¯s nose harder than usual in an obvious attempt to keep it still. Remy wondered what she could possibly be thinking, looking as if she was suffering more for hearing the story than Remy herself was for remembering it. Still, Remy could see the same look of determination in her eyes that made it clear that she wouldn¡¯t be dissuaded. With a sigh, she nodded as she began choosing her words more carefully.


    ¡°Fine, fine¡­a short break, then we¡¯ll continue. I promise.¡± Thinking quickly, she added, ¡°If it helps at all, this is actually where things start to take a turn for the better¡­in a roundabout kind of way.¡±

 Even Through Rough Seas (The Latter Part)

    If she was here in front of me right now, I would¡­I would¡­


    Allison¡¯s emotions felt as if they were too numerous to count, shouting over each other and demanding to be the one to guide her forward. Confusion battled with empathy and sorrow clashed with wrath as she struggled to settle on a way forward, unable to decide on a single one of them as she considered asking more questions to come to a better understanding of what Remy had endured, then shifted to wanting to simply hold her and reassure her that she was safe. That thought soon yielded to wanting to simply shut down and cry, but only long enough for anger to build to the point of wanting to turn it all against the ones who caused all of this in the first place. Anger seemed to be winning in the moment, tempered only by the knowledge that her threats were idle. No righteous fury she felt could change the fact that it wasn¡¯t her nature to cause harm, and she had no experience that would as much as indicate how to begin.


    As Allison looked up at Remy and repeatedly tried and failed to understand how she could maintain her calm and almost peaceful demeanor as she recalled such horrors, anger once again gave way to confusion. How anyone could endure a life of such misery was enough of a mystery on its own, and how one could emerge from it with their mind intact was even more mystifying. Even when taking into consideration the conditioning that came with growing up in that kind of an environment¡ªan atrocity unto itself that had to be set aside purely for lacking the emotional bandwidth to consider it properly¡ªit felt like an impossibility for anyone to be able to find themselves on the other side of it without being either brainwashed or entirely broken, and both possibilities seemed like two sides of the same coin.


    The strength Remy had to have experienced that kind of a life without losing her sense of self was just as difficult to comprehend, again leading Allison toward wanting to hold her close and bolster that strength for fear that it may ever falter. It was clear that, as strong as Remy was, she¡¯d hardly escaped unscathed. There were so many small things about her that Allison had dismissed as merely being interesting quirks, from her unease and hesitance in dealing with people in general to her nearly unnatural ability to predict the thoughts and motivations of those same people. To know that they weren¡¯t natural parts of her personality and instead the result of things that had been done to her filled Allison with a strange sense of loss, as if she was simultaneously appreciating the person Remy was in the present and mourning the loss of the person she didn¡¯t know who Remy could¡¯ve been without having the burden of these traits placed on her shoulders as a necessity for survival. It made Allison wonder what kind of a person could do this to anyone, let alone someone for whom they presumably cared and unmistakably had an obligation to protect. The thought of such a betrayal caused rage to threaten to boil over, returning anger to the front of the queue of emotions and completing the cycle once again.


    Allison¡¯s racing thoughts were finally interrupted when she looked up and noticed that Remy was finally beginning to look uncomfortable. It was jarring to see after she¡¯d spent so long telling a story of horrors with her usual composure and calm, speaking with a carefully measured tone as casually as if she¡¯d been talking about the weather. It took a moment for Allison to realize that the reason for her unease could only be the silence that had stretched out for so long after she¡¯d declared her intent to keep speaking, and she was likely only waiting for an appropriate moment to continue.


    No¡­no, I can¡¯t do this now. She needs me.


    The thought was brief, but it was enough to break the cycle of repeating thoughts and urge Allison to finally settle on a course of action. Whatever she was feeling, it could wait. Of everything running through her mind in that moment, Remy was the most important by far. She looked up at Remy again and, as she attempted to collect herself and match Remy¡¯s sense of calm with confidence, she hoped that her voice would be steady enough to not give her away.


    ¡°So¡­what happened next?¡±


    The words came out sounding as strained as Allison had feared, but Remy either didn¡¯t notice or, far more likely, was too polite to draw attention to it. ¡°Well¡­I guess you could say that I got lucky.¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyebrows raised in surprise. ¡°After everything you went through, I don¡¯t think you could call it luck that you managed to get away from there.¡±


    Remy smiled appreciatively, but the sadness behind it was unmistakable. ¡°I¡¯d like to take credit for it, but the truth is that I¡¯d probably still be there if I hadn¡¯t gotten a little push in the right direction.¡±


    Something about the subtle change in Remy¡¯s tone filled Allison with suspicion and dread in equal measure. ¡°A little push from¡­?¡±


    There was a quiet sigh as Remy¡¯s growing sadness met Allison¡¯s expectations. ¡°Madison Hayden.¡± Remy took a moment to pull herself together and restore her calm demeanor before continuing. ¡°We¡­sort of dated.¡±


    For the first time in a long while, a new emotion managed to hold Allison¡¯s attention as a sense of disgust suddenly took shape and hung over the name like fog. ¡°Sort of dated?¡±


    ¡°It was complicated. Her family wasn¡¯t any more understanding than mine, and she grew up just as sheltered. We barely had any idea of what a relationship was outside of making our parents happy, so a relationship between two women defied explanation. I don¡¯t think either of us understood what we really were, so putting labels on it was out of the question. We were basically ¡®really good friends¡¯ with some extra baggage that we silently agreed to keep quiet about.¡±


    Anger threatened to take control in Allison¡¯s mind again, but disgust managed to just barely hold its meager lead. ¡°So¡­what does she have to do with anything?¡±


    Remy looked away, looking as if she was concentrating just a moment before her mask of calm was restored. ¡°We crossed a line¡­well, I crossed a line. Long story short, one day I screwed up and said the quiet part out loud.¡±


    The only thing that could keep the sudden ache in Allison¡¯s heart from growing was to keep pushing forward. ¡°You¡­you told her¡­?¡±


    ¡°Something I shouldn¡¯t have.¡± Remy seemed to be thinking the same as Allison, noticeably eager to move past the moment without saying any more than strictly necessary. ¡°She didn¡¯t know how to deal with it and panicked. She¡­distanced herself.¡±


    Allison¡¯s anger finally took center stage, shunting even disgust to the side. ¡°She betrayed you.¡±


    Remy looked as if she was about to dispute the claim but, after a moment of silence, she nodded quietly. ¡°I don¡¯t know everything that happened after that, but I saw the end result. She must have gone around to everyone she knew and told them about how her friend went crazy and fell in love with her. I can only guess, but she probably just knew what was coming. Nothing stays a secret forever in a place that small, and she was smart enough to know that her best bet was to stay ahead of the gossip train to look like she was leading it instead of looking like she was getting dragged along behind it.¡±


    Emotion clouded Allison¡¯s thoughts like smoke, and she only barely managed to see through it to realize that none of it was going to lead to anything productive. It took all of her strength to put both anger and disgust aside, only managing to do so by remembering that it was for Remy¡¯s sake.


    ¡°So..so that was why you left Metairie.¡±


    Remy sighed again, shaking her head. ¡°Not exactly. Even with the rumors floating around, my mother wasn¡¯t ready to give up on me¡­or, at least, she wasn¡¯t in a position to.¡±


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    Figures. Of course she only got involved because she had to. ¡°Why not?¡±


    ¡°When you live in a bubble that small, perception is everything. If she gave up on me, that would mean agreeing with everyone who was gossiping. She wanted to¡ªwell, she did¡ªbut that would mean admitting that the rumors were true. Hating me along with everyone else wasn¡¯t enough. She needed me to defy the rumors to keep her own reputation intact. On top of that, she could take credit for being the one to stand by me after I¡¯d proved my innocence. Even if she¡¯d had another choice, I can¡¯t imagine her ever passing up an opportunity to claim moral superiority.¡±


    Allison¡¯s composure shattered in an instant, her resurging wrath triggered by a single word. ¡°Innocence? You weren¡¯t guilty of anything! If anything, she¡¯s the one who needs to be confessing to something!¡±


    Remy gave an exhausted but understanding smile. ¡°I know, I know. Whatever it¡¯s worth, I agree with you. In the eyes of the community, though¡­nobody would admit it, but anyone else with enough sense to scheme to that extent would¡¯ve done the same thing. Even if they knew the whole truth, it¡¯s not like anyone would¡¯ve judged her for it.¡±


    Going blind with rage, Allison again forced herself to set her feelings aside in favor of continuing a productive conversation. ¡°So¡­so is that why you left?¡±


    Remy shook her head, but looked oddly relieved. ¡°Not entirely, but it is where things started to turn around. When all of the rumors started to get back to her, my mother was too scared of her fading image to remember that she was scared of me¡­well, she didn¡¯t completely forget. She tried to stage an intervention, so it¡¯s not like she came at me alone.¡±


    For a moment, Allison lost her anger as confusion once again took over. ¡°An intervention? For being gay?¡±


    Remy looked as if she was holding back laughter. ¡°I have to imagine that it sounds weird to you, but¡­well, that sort of thing is depressingly common there. It took a long time for me to realize that it¡¯s unusual. I thought that was just how things worked in general.¡±


    Allison still couldn¡¯t quite wrap her head around the idea that sexual preference would be treated the same as an addiction, but thinking about it for a moment brought her to the conclusion that, considering the sorts of things she¡¯d heard so far, it might not be that unusual to not expect any better. It wasn¡¯t hard to imagine that they¡¯d look at both as being destructive.


    ¡°So, is this just a Metairie thing, or is it a Louisiana thing?¡±


    Looking defeated, Remy shrugged. ¡°I¡¯ve often wondered the same thing, myself. My best guess is that it¡¯s just that community. Like I said, it was a small bubble. On top of that, one of the reasons for creating that bubble is to minimize how much from the outside gets in, so it¡¯s hard to say what the rest of the world is like. Just driving into New Orleans felt like visiting a foreign country.¡±


    Confusion began to give way to a growing unease that Allison couldn¡¯t quite name. ¡°This is starting to sound more and more like they were trying to indoctrinate you into some kind of a cult.¡±


    Remy tried to laugh, but the sound came out nervous and uncertain. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t go that far¡­though, that being said, there¡¯s obviously an uncomfortable number of parallels between the two.¡± After an uneasy silence, she seemed to be anxious to press on. ¡°Anyway, that was why I was sitting in my room that day. She¡¯d brought half of the family to help her make demands and scream scripture at me. I spent the entire morning fighting back against them, but¡­there were just too many. It was bad enough being shouted down by one person, but stuck in a room with five of them? There was no way to even get a word in edgewise, which I guess was the point. It¡¯s how they normally operate. The only difference was that they usually can¡¯t agree on anything long enough to get all the way through a conversation. Anyway, it was¡­too much. I was sitting there and giving up on even trying to defend myself, all of them shouting over each other to be the one who got to be the one yelling at me at any given moment and¡­something inside of me broke.¡±


    Allison could only stare blankly and bling, beginning to wonder if she was missing something. ¡°Didn¡¯t you say that this was where the story got better?¡±


    Giving another uncomfortable laugh, Remy gave Allison¡¯s hand a gentle squeeze. ¡°Sorry¡­that¡¯s how it seems to me when I look back on everything at one time. See, their plan was probably to make that happen. When I stopped fighting back, they stopped screaming. They probably figured they¡¯d won. What they didn¡¯t count on was that I¡¯d still be able to think for myself or that I might do anything other than follow orders. To be fair, I didn¡¯t expect it, either.¡±


    Gathering all of her patience, Allison made a desperate attempt to remain calm and wait for the part that sounded anything like an improvement. ¡°Well, that¡¯s a good thing¡­I think.¡±


    Remy gave Allison a quick glance and, seemingly unnerved by what she saw, she warily continued. ¡°Well, the thing is that it was that time sitting there and not caring that gave me an opportunity to think about things. I did that all the time, whether I wanted to or not. I always thought about just leaving it all behind, but there was always something to stop me. I was worried about showing my mother she was wrong, not wanting to miss out on the day she finally came to her senses and started treating me like a human being, not really knowing how to survive on my own, not wanting to leave Madison¡­there was always some reason why I ended up just staying in spite of whatever hurt me enough to make me start thinking about leaving.¡±


    Allison quietly considered what Remy was saying, but her thoughts were derailed by another curiosity. ¡°Didn¡¯t know how to survive? You?¡±


    Remy laughed again, this time sounding far less strained. ¡°You could say that I wasn¡¯t giving myself enough credit. Part of the upbringing was being made to believe that you could never do anything on your own¡­that you needed her to make it in the world and you¡¯d die alone in the gutter without her.¡± She seemed to notice Allison¡¯s feeling of disbelief and quietly added, ¡°Her words, not mine. I used to hear her say it at least once a week.¡±


    Before the rage could gain a foothold, Allison threw herself back into the conversation. ¡°But you knew better by that point, right?¡±


    There was a soft sigh as Remy shook her head. ¡°No¡­I wouldn¡¯t learn that for a while. At the time, I just didn¡¯t care anymore. That was the case with everything across the board, though. The issue with Madison had more or less resolved itself, and the rest just felt like it didn¡¯t matter. That was when I thought about leaving and things were different. It was the first time I¡¯d thought about it and couldn¡¯t come up with an excuse to stay. I came up with plenty a few days later, but by that point it was too late to turn back¡­thankfully.¡±


    Allison did her best to stay on task, but another new curiosity came to her that she couldn¡¯t ignore. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, ¡°More or less?¡± Seeing the look of surprise on Remy¡¯s face, she immediately regretted having said it. ¡°Sorry. I know that¡¯s not the most important thing here.¡±


    Remy laughed softly and leaned forward to kiss Allison¡¯s cheek, then wrapped her arms around her and held her close. ¡°It took some time to get over¡­what happened. Trust me, though, it¡¯s in the past. If I feel anything for her at this point, it¡¯s hate. I¡¯m still working on letting that go.¡±


    You won¡¯t get any complaints from me if you don¡¯t. ¡°Well, I guess that did end up being a good thing¡­in a way.¡±


    There was another laugh from Remy just before a gentle hug. ¡°I¡¯d say so. I ended up here with you, so I¡¯d say it worked out in the end.¡±


    ¡°You weren¡¯t trying to come here, though?¡±


    ¡°Not at all. I had no idea where I was going at the time. I just wanted to get away. I kept driving until I ran out of road, then I found a new road. I didn¡¯t stop until I realized that the money was running out and I started thinking about finding some kind of a job. That was where I got lucky again¡­twice, actually.¡±


    Thinking about the day she met Remy in the store, Allison was forced to admit that she understood how Remy could look at any given one of the things that happened to her as being positive. When she thought about her own moment of leaving home and everything that happened between then and meeting Remy, she couldn¡¯t say that it hadn¡¯t been worth it even if meeting Remy had been the only good thing to come of it.


    Feeling a sudden moment of elation, Allison pulled away from Remy and reached for the wine bottle. Suddenly feeling the night air against her skin far more than she had a moment earlier, she thought of getting out of bed on a cold morning as she snatched the bottle from the glacette and rushed back into Remy¡¯s arms before pouring. Glancing up and seeing a curious expression from Remy, she smiled as she finished pouring and pulled the glass toward her lips.


    ¡°I¡¯m just thinking about how lucky we both are to have ended up here together. I feel like celebrating.¡±

 We WIll Hold Fast

    Thinking back, Remy could recall countless examples of times when she¡¯d replayed the events of the past in her mind. As she sat on the couch next to Allison and thought about her most recent search through her memories, though, there was no comparison to be made between that example and any other. There were some similarities, namely the sense of emotional exhaustion that came with trying so hard to feel something productive that it left her too drained to feel much of anything at all. This time, however, was unmistakably entirely removed from any other.


    She was exhausted, but oddly content in spite of feeling the ache from the ragged edges of reopened wounds. There was an unusual sense of relief, as if her body was still aching from bearing a burden but feeling lighter just after having dropped it from her shoulders. It made her wonder if what she was feeling was anything like the relief described by people who were able to cry. Normally, the pain that began the moment was still there, just in a different form and pushed down to where its muted enough to be able to carry on in spite of it. This time, however, there was the feeling that something had been accomplished beyond simply kicking the can down the road. Being able to celebrate the absence of pain rather than not being able to be entirely relieved by once again delaying its worst effects was an entirely new experience, and it didn¡¯t take long for the reason behind that fact to make itself apparent.


    ¡°Aaaaaaah¡­¡±


    Remy smiled and parted her lips as Allison brought a fork to them, heavy with something she only recognized as more salmon once she tasted it. Truthfully, she didn¡¯t care what it was; there was no doubt that it was going to be better than any other example of it that she¡¯d ever tasted, and that would only be her second favorite thing about it. Looking at the food objectively, its quality put it among the best in its class. There was no questioning that it was the work of a professional. That Allison cared enough to go through so much to present it to her, however, very nearly made all of its other qualities lose their significance purely by comparison. As much as Remy had tried to deny it even as the evening began, there was no questioning that none of Allison¡¯s efforts were about presenting her work.


    There was no doubt that this was the reason for the sense of satisfaction that Remy was experiencing in thinking about the past. To have someone listen with genuine concern was as foreign a concept to her as finding relief in speaking, and it was every bit as refreshing a change. She always assumed that if she ever experienced such a thing, there would be a definitive moment that she could logically deduce was the reason for the change in how she was feeling, some grand breakthrough that came as the result of a great revelation or other significant development. As Remy thought back over the conversation, she couldn¡¯t think of a single moment that stood out against the rest. Aside from requests for added context, there weren¡¯t even any noteworthy questions that Allison had asked. In outright defiance of Remy¡¯s expectations, she felt better just from talking to someone who cared enough to hear what she had to say.


    ¡°What are you thinking about?¡±


    Remy was violently torn from her musing by Allison¡¯s voice, her last vague thought about how much the sound comforted her even as it left her feeling disoriented. Her mind raced to construct a summary of everything she¡¯d been thinking over the last several minutes of silence and, when none occurred to her that didn¡¯t sound too awkward or otherwise embarrassing to be allowed, reflex pushed a default response out of her mouth.


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    Holding her breath, Remy cautiously glanced at Allison without turning toward her. As she¡¯d expected, Allison was simply staring at her with an irritated expression. Remy froze in place like a deer that realizes it¡¯s being stalked, fearful that the slightest motion might reveal it. A gentle huffing was as terrifying as a wolf¡¯s growl, and the soft but annoyed groan that followed was as good as a pounce. Knowing that she was defeated, Remy sighed and finally turned toward Allison. As she was again organizing her thoughts, her thoughts were derailed by a desperate attempt to stifle a laugh. Allison was staring at her sternly with her lips firmly fixed in a frustrated pout, causing Remy to briefly but completely forget all else as she indulged in the sight. Struggling on her first attempt to contain her laughter and failing utterly at her second, she turned Allison¡¯s pout into a full scowl.


    ¡°What?¡±


    For a moment, all Remy could do was pull Allison closer to her as she struggled to control herself. The laughter nearly renewed its strength when, despite another loud huff from Allison, she eagerly threw herself into Remy¡¯s arms. ¡°Even when you¡¯re mad¡­¡±


    Allison did her best to grumble in response, but some of the effect was lost when the sound was muffled by Remy¡¯s chest. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare call me cute.¡±


    ¡°Fine, fine¡­if you insist.¡±


    ¡°Well?¡±


    ¡°Well what?¡±


    There was a long pause before Allison responded again, the effort she was putting into sounding irritated becoming increasingly obvious. ¡°You¡¯re thinking it, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Remy gave another brief chuckle that she silenced as quickly as she could manage. ¡°More often than not.¡±


    With an exasperated sigh, Allison huffed and buried her face in Remy¡¯s chest again. There was another long pause as they both seemed to be pretending that they didn¡¯t notice Allison¡¯s body trembling with silent laughter. When she lifted her head again, she appeared to have abandoned her irritation.


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    ¡°I give up. Staying mad at you is impossible.¡±


    She took a moment to bring her lips to Remy¡¯s, the kiss nearly interrupted by more silent laughter from both of them. When she pulled away, Allison¡¯s expression was already taking a turn away from amusement and toward concern.


    ¡°So¡­what were you thinking about?¡±


    Having nearly forgotten about it already, it took Remy a moment to trace her thoughts back to the moment she¡¯d been avoiding. After taking some time to collect her thoughts, she again worried about how it would sound. When she looked down at Allison and the sparkling aquamarine eyes filled with curiosity that were looking back up at her, however, it didn¡¯t take Remy long to put the concern aside. She couldn¡¯t say exactly why, but something about the sight inspired the confidence she needed to speak.


    It¡¯s okay¡­it¡¯s okay. I¡¯m safe with her. ¡°I was just thinking about¡­well¡­everything I just said. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever told anyone that much about myself before.¡±


    The look of concern on Allison¡¯s face intensified, and the time it took her to speak again gave the impression that she was exerting considerable effort in keeping the tone of her voice even. ¡°Do¡­you regret it?¡±


    Remy nearly gave another knee-jerk response, but a moment¡¯s thought about it halted the words before they could escape her. ¡°For once, no. It¡¯s strange¡­I guess because it¡¯s never happened before.¡±


    ¡°What hasn¡¯t?¡±


    ¡°I talked about myself to someone and I don¡¯t regret it.¡±


    ¡°Didn¡¯t you want to talk about yourself, though?¡±


    Remy thought for a moment and was surprised to remember that the entire conversation had only happened by her request. ¡°Well, yes, but¡­I didn¡¯t expect this. It¡¯s never gone this well before.¡±


    Allison still seemed to be attempting to keep her responses carefully controlled, but the look of relief that replaced the worry that was creasing her face was unmistakable. ¡°How so?¡±


    ¡°You¡­actually listened. Usually, anything I say that sounds like a problem ends up getting brushed aside as an annoyance, or whoever is listening tries to rush through it like they feel too guilty to just change the subject or something. The worst is when I end up talking to someone who¡¯s convinced that they understand my situation better than I do somehow. I mean, I¡¯ve been me for 26 years, but somehow that ends up counting for nothing compared to someone else¡¯s assumptions. If it sounds vaguely familiar, then it must be the exact same as what they¡¯ve experienced. If it doesn¡¯t sound familiar at all, then it must not be important. They tell you what you¡¯re thinking and never consider the possibility that they might be wrong¡­but that¡¯s most people, I guess. They don¡¯t have conversations; they just sit there and wait for their turn to talk. If you¡¯re lucky, anyway.¡±


    The relief on Allison¡¯s face slowly took a turn toward sadness. ¡°That¡­sounds depressing.¡±


    Remy sighed as she looked away. ¡°It¡¯s why I don¡¯t talk. It never seems like there¡¯s much of a point.¡± She turned back to Allison and her mood was lifted by the sight in an instant, the dark cloud that was beginning to gather over her head pierced and scattered by rays of sunlight. ¡°You didn¡¯t do any of that, though. When I talked, you listened¡­actually listened. When you didn¡¯t know, you asked. It was like¡­you actually cared.¡±


    Allison¡¯s expression suddenly turned serious. ¡°I do actually care.¡±


    With a smile, Remy took Allison in her arms again. ¡°I know, I know¡­I¡¯m just not used to it, that¡¯s all. I guess that¡¯s why I actually feel better for talking about things for once instead of worse. That¡¯s what I was thinking about.¡±


    There was another muffled sound from Allison as she pressed herself into Remy¡¯s embrace. She had no way of being entirely sure, but Remy couldn¡¯t help thinking that it sounded like a contented sigh. When she pulled back to look up at Remy again, she certainly seemed to be at peace. ¡°As long as you know. I¡­I want you to be able to feel like you can trust me with things like this. I know that this kind of a promise doesn¡¯t mean much on its own without action to back it up, but¡­you can count on me.¡±


    Remy lifted her fingertips to Allison¡¯s face and delicately brushed her cheek, at a loss for the words to express the feelings that were swirling inside of her in that moment. Her heart felt as if it was swelling to the point of bursting, unable to contain whatever was building within it. She could only stare into Allison¡¯s eyes as she grew accustomed to the sensation in spite of not being able to make any sense of it, a vague thought somewhere in the back of her mind hoping that this was normal. It was new and terrifying, but she couldn¡¯t shake the feeling that it would be worth getting used to it.


    ¡°Actually¡­I think I¡¯ve seen that action already. It seemed like¡­well, there were times where I got the feeling that you understood, at least a little. That went a long way with me.¡±


    Allison looked surprised by the sentiment, and appeared to be concentrating before recognition became apparent on her face. ¡°Not exactly. We¡¯ve lived pretty different lives, I think, but there were some things that were starting to sound familiar.¡± She continued to look as if she was thinking before her expression suddenly turned strangely apologetic. ¡°I don¡¯t want to make it sound like I know exactly what you went through, though. My situation wasn¡¯t nearly as bad as yours.¡±


    Remy almost laughed aloud as she tried to place why Allison¡¯s words sounded so familiar before remembering how many times she¡¯d said them herself. ¡°I¡¯ve made the mistake of thinking that before, too. Don¡¯t be too quick to invalidate your own experiences, especially if it¡¯s just because you¡¯re comparing them to someone else¡¯s. Other people¡¯s problems almost always sound worse than yours. Besides¡­it¡¯s not a competition, remember?¡±


    Again, Allison looked annoyed as she heard her own words turned on her, though the expression was a little too intense to be entirely believed. The way the corners of her mouth kept twitching upward didn¡¯t help the effect, either. She eventually sighed as her smile won its battle with her resolve.


    ¡°If you say so. Why don¡¯t I tell you, and then you can be the judge?¡±

 The Howling Winds (The Former Part)

    ¡°So¡­how did you end up here?¡±


    Allison couldn¡¯t stop her body from going tense at the sound of Remy¡¯s question. As hard as she tried to convince herself that it was an innocuous question, it was impossible to ignore the weight of the answer. The only thing more difficult than processing all of the thoughts and feelings behind the answer was finding a way to give it that felt sufficient. After having heard Remy¡¯s story, her own felt as if it didn¡¯t warrant recounting. She knew that Remy was right, of course; it wasn¡¯t a competition, and she had every right to tell her story. Still, the feeling that validity needed to be earned couldn¡¯t be set aside easily. She almost laughed aloud at the irony of the fact that having already come to that realization was what led her to leave home.


    ¡°You¡¯re still comparing stories, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Startled, Allison quickly looked up to see that Remy was looking back at her with a kind but concerned smile. Finally noticing how long she¡¯d gone without responding, it occurred to her that it must be obvious what was occupying her thoughts. Nodding quietly, she took another moment to push her worries aside long enough to speak.


    ¡°I know I shouldn¡¯t, but¡­¡±


    ¡°Old habits die hard?¡±


    Allison smiled, not entirely able to keep herself from making direct comparisons again. As much as she had praised her ability to listen and understand, it seemed that there was no question that Remy was just as good at both, if not better. ¡°I thought that I¡¯d be able to manage talking about it by now. I¡¯ve talked about it before with Lily, and¡­well, it wasn¡¯t easy, but I thought I¡¯d gotten used to it. Things are so much better now, it seems like a waste to let the past bother me anymore.¡±


    ¡°Even if you¡¯re done with the past, that doesn¡¯t mean the past is done with you. Maybe there¡¯s still some unfinished business to deal with.¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyes went wide with surprise as Remy¡¯s words began to sink in. It caught her unaware to hear Remy voice the same thought that Lily had long ago, but she¡¯d somehow come to the conclusion far more quickly. She had been talking with Lily about her life before coming to Violet Meadows for months before hearing the suggestion that she may have some lingering unresolved issues, but Remy had somehow come to the same conclusion after several hours. Again, Allison couldn¡¯t help thinking that Remy had a talent for understanding her that nobody else seemed capable of matching.


    As the silence went on, Remy began to look uncomfortable. Fidgeting and shifting nervously in her seat, she seemed to be concentrating for a moment before suddenly speaking again. ¡°Well¡­at least things are better now.¡±


    Allison nodded again, though she couldn¡¯t completely dismiss her curiosity over what Remy had been thinking in that moment. ¡°Yeah, there¡¯s that. Well, it¡¯s not just better¡­it¡¯s completely different. I can¡¯t even draw parallels between my life now and what it was before.¡±


    Remy¡¯s unease finally began to fade from her expression as curiosity took over. ¡°Really? What¡¯s changed?¡±


    With a laugh, Allison¡¯s mind raced to recall every difference in an attempt to summarize them all. ¡°What hasn¡¯t changed? I have a job I care about in a business I care about where I work with people I care about who also care about me. I didn¡¯t have any of that going for me before I came here. It¡¯s not just that, though¡­it seems like those should be the big changes, but the one that makes the most difference is how people treat me now.¡±


    In an instant, Remy¡¯s expression hardened. The change was so sudden, Allison wondered if she¡¯d said something wrong. ¡°How did people treat you before?¡±


    Not feeling entirely relieved, Allison was at least grateful that she didn¡¯t seem to be the focus of Remy¡¯s shift in mood. ¡°I was¡­useful.¡±


    ¡°Useful?¡±


    ¡°A means to various ends. Everyone wants something, and I was something of a go-to option.¡± Seeing Remy¡¯s brow crease as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing, Allison sighed as she began to remember why she didn¡¯t care for thinking about the matter. ¡°I was¡­kind of popular growing up.¡±


    Remy¡¯s confusion didn¡¯t subside, but she seemed determined to understand. ¡°Popular? With¡­?¡±


    ¡°Pretty much everyone. I was¡­well, you know that really annoying girl from high school? Little miss popularity, homecoming queen, prom queen, head cheerleader¡­the one who was everywhere you went and you couldn¡¯t get away from her if you wanted to? I know you know who I mean¡­there¡¯s always at least one.¡±


    With a grimace, Remy nodded. ¡°Yeah, actually¡­sounds like Madison.¡± She briefly closed her eyes and appeared to be concentrating and, when she opened them again, her expression was once again neutral. ¡°You were that popular? Which one were you?¡±


    In the midst of inexplicable growing anger on hearing Madison¡¯s name enter their conversation again, Allison¡¯s emotions took a hard turn toward embarrassment when Remy¡¯s question finally registered in her mind. ¡°All of them.¡±


    Remy¡¯s eyebrows raised and her eyes went wide, a sight so rare that Allison wasn¡¯t immediately sure what the reaction indicated. ¡°Seriously? Homecoming queen?¡±


    ¡°Yup.¡±


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    ¡°And prom queen?¡±


    ¡°Twice. And then there was the honor society¡­and the student council¡­¡±


    ¡°And you were a cheerleader, too?¡±


    ¡°Head cheerleader, thank you very much.¡±


    Allison mimicked Remy¡¯s earlier playfully haughty attitude and turned her nose toward the ceiling, but her heart wasn¡¯t entirely in it. It had been amusing when Remy did it, the premise being that it was too far removed from reality to be taken any other way. When she attempted to repeat it, though, it hit too close to home. She was startled when, in spite of her thoughts, Remy began to quietly chuckle.


    ¡°Oh, please do excuse me, madam. Head cheerleader. Let me guess¡­you also dated the captain of the football team?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll have you know that I didn¡¯t, as a matter of fact. You presume too much about me, knave.¡±


    Encouraged by Remy¡¯s acceptance of her attempt at humor and with her mood lifted considerably by the thought that Remy didn¡¯t seem to think of her the same way she thought of herself, Allison found it easier to continue to be playful. The moment didn¡¯t last, however, another pang of something akin to guilt causing her to look down at her lap and turning her mood from playful to sheepish.


    ¡°It¡­was the lacrosse team.¡±


    Her heart suddenly pounding with fear, Allison dared to peek in Remy¡¯s direction from the corner of her eye and was again shocked to see that Remy was turning a deep red from the strain of trying to restrain herself. When her resolve failed her and the living room was filled with the sound of her laughter, Allison was too confused to be relieved. She wasn¡¯t sure what she¡¯d expected, but it certainly wasn¡¯t cheerful and amused acceptance.


    ¡°You¡¯re¡­taking this better than I¡¯d have expected.¡±


    It took Remy a moment to bring her laughter under control to the point that she could respond. ¡°What do you mean? Should this bother me?¡±


    Again, Allison was at a loss. The simple answer was yes, but she wasn¡¯t entirely sure why. ¡°I guess I expected it to. It doesn¡¯t paint me in the best light.¡±


    Remy¡¯s laughter finally faded in favor of confusion and concern. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with it? It sounds like you were the queen of¡­actually, where are you from?¡±


    Allison sighed and leaned against Remy, suddenly feeling a need for comfort. ¡°Summerlin¡­just outside of Vegas. And yeah, I guess I kind of was the queen bee of my little colony. That¡¯s the part that I don¡¯t like.¡±


    As Allison had hoped, Remy responded by wrapping her arms around her and holding her close. Something about her exuded the sense of comfort that Allison so desperately needed. ¡°Why not? If¡­if you don¡¯t mind telling me, I mean.¡±


    Taking refuge in Remy¡¯s arms and losing herself in the fragrance that was beginning to become comfortably familiar, Allison took a moment to borrow enough of Remy¡¯s sense of calm to continue. ¡°I don¡¯t mind. I¡¯m just not sure how to answer. I¡­I led a life of privilege. I was¡­well¡­kind of spoiled. Everything I ever wanted was handed to me by one sycophant or another, and¡­I don¡¯t think it made me a very good person. Worse, I only left when I got mad because there was something I wanted and couldn¡¯t have. It feels like I just threw a tantrum because someone told me ¡®no¡¯ for once.¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if there¡¯s something I¡¯m missing, but¡­well, it sounds like what you wanted was to be treated like a person and not a thing. That¡¯s not exactly an unreasonable demand, no matter how much you had.¡±


    Allison froze in place, not even daring to breathe as she absorbed Remy¡¯s words. It wasn¡¯t an unfamiliar sentiment; in fact, she¡¯d repeated very similar words to herself too many times to count since it first occurred to her that she could only find peace somewhere far away from everyone she¡¯d ever known. Still, it wasn¡¯t until she heard the thoughts echoed by someone else that she realized that, as strongly as she felt it, she didn¡¯t entirely believe it.


    ¡°That was what I told myself. I guess I¡­I always thought that I was just trying to justify running away. I was so angry and hurt at the time, I always looked back on it and worried that I was just throwing a tantrum because I wasn¡¯t getting my way.¡±


    Remy was quiet for a moment before speaking, her face set with an expression of determination. ¡°I doubt it. Starting your entire life over takes more conviction than just throwing a tantrum. If that was all there was to it, I¡¯d think you would¡¯ve just found an excuse to go back sooner or later, not build an entirely new life for yourself and thrive purely out of spite.¡± There was another brief pause before she added, ¡°I¡¯m going to take another guess and say that you only started doubting your conviction after someone else did.¡±


    Again, Allison froze in place as she effortlessly recalled one of the last conversations she¡¯d had with her parents, every accusation of selfishness as clear as if she¡¯d heard them several minutes earlier rather than several years. She pulled away from Remy to look up at her again in both shock and awe.


    ¡°How¡­how did you know that?¡±


    Remy turned away, looking both embarrassed and sad. ¡°It¡¯s something I¡¯ve dealt with before. When someone wants to manipulate you and they can¡¯t convince you to do what they want, it¡¯s not unusual for them to resort to trying to sow doubt so you end up convincing yourself.¡± After a moment of thought, she turned back to Allison and continued. ¡°Let me guess again. ¡®You have so much.¡¯ ¡®You should be grateful.¡¯ ¡®You can¡¯t have everything you want.¡¯ ¡®Can¡¯t you just do this one thing for me?¡¯ ¡®You only think about yourself.¡¯ And somehow, through all of that, nobody ever got around to asking why you felt the way you did or explaining exactly what was wrong with it.¡±


    There was a nearly overwhelming sense of unease as Allison tried to comprehend the seemingly incomprehensible. Hearing Remy speak about her past at the same time that she was remembering it, the accuracy made it hard to think of it as a guess. ¡°If I didn¡¯t know better, I¡¯d think you were there.¡±


    Remy sighed while giving a bitter smile. ¡°People like that always like to think that they¡¯re geniuses, but it¡¯s almost creepy how unoriginal they are. It¡¯s like they¡¯re all reading the same playbook.¡± There was another moment of quiet contemplation before her expression and voice both became both calm and focused. ¡°Maybe you should start from the beginning. Something tells me that it¡¯s just going to prove me right, but I¡¯m guessing it¡¯s going to prove you right, too.¡±


    With a long sigh, Allison nodded as she pulled Remy¡¯s wine glass to her lips. Merely considering what she¡¯d heard had already exhausted her, and taking a journey into her past seemed an insurmountable task even when she was at her best. With Remy by her side, however, she couldn¡¯t help feeling emboldened. Somewhere in her muddled thoughts was the blossoming realization that even in the darkest of times, wherever Remy dared to tread was where she belonged.

 The Howling WInds (The Latter Part)

    ¡°Why is this so hard?¡±


    Remy didn¡¯t rush to try to answer Allison¡¯s question. It was a simple question, and it seemed as if it should be just as simple to answer. Dredging up old memories wasn¡¯t particularly complicated; in fact, if anything, the challenge was most often found in trying to keep them hidden beneath the surface. No matter how she tried to rationalize it, though, Remy couldn¡¯t deny that the fact that it was simple did nothing to make it easy. Even though those memories bubbled to the surface like oil, they were just as hard to grab and hold whenever she wanted to. Judging by the look of frustration tinged with fear that she saw in Allison¡¯s expression, Remy suspected for the first time that she wasn¡¯t the only one who felt that way about it.


    For a brief moment, Remy was tempted to suggest a change of subject. She didn¡¯t have a good answer or even a suggestion as to how to proceed, but she wasn¡¯t about to give up on bringing an end to Allison¡¯s discomfort. Seeing her unhappy sparked something that Remy couldn¡¯t ignore, a drive to bring an end to Allison¡¯s suffering every bit as strongly as if it had been her own. Ironically, it was remembering her own suffering was the only thing tempering her urge to act. When Allison tried to extend the same courtesy to her earlier and offered an opportunity to let her demons rest rather than drag them out of hiding, it immediately became apparent that the only thing worse than wrestling with those demons was willingly allowing them to rest. Wondering if that was something else that was the same for Allison as it was for her changed attempting to talk her out of what she was about to do from an act of mercy into an injustice.


    Interestingly, it was that thought that triggered a flash of inspiration. She looked at Allison, her features contorted by concentration and sadness, and she saw something that seemed strangely familiar. The pain and frustration she saw didn¡¯t look familiar, but it reminded her of the same emotions she¡¯d felt too many times to count, most recently just before beginning her own story. If she wasn¡¯t simply imagining the similarities between their situations, there might be something she could do after all. She didn¡¯t feel in any way qualified to guide anyone through something like this but, at the very least, she could say that she¡¯d made the same journey herself on more than one occasion. It wasn¡¯t something she¡¯d ever wish on anyone else¡ªleast of all Allison¡ªbut something else that was familiar in Allison¡¯s expression was the determination to keep moving forward. As much as she felt that she didn¡¯t know Allison as well as she¡¯d like to, one thing that Remy had learned very quickly was that Allison wasn¡¯t one to be dissuaded once she¡¯d set her mind to something. If putting an end to the pain wasn¡¯t an option, then nothing was going to stop Remy from enduring it with her.


    ¡°I don¡¯t know if it will help you the same way it helped me, but¡­well¡­I¡¯m guessing that you remember what happened, but there¡¯s just that little painful feeling that won¡¯t let you say what you¡¯re thinking. The words are there, but there¡¯s something stopping them from coming out.¡±


    Allison looked up in shock, her eyes wide as she nodded. After a moment, she gave a weak smile. ¡°I don¡¯t know why I¡¯m surprised that you get me at this point. What do you do when you can¡¯t say what you¡¯re thinking?¡±


    There was a moment¡¯s hesitation as Remy came to terms with what she was about to suggest, hoping against hope that she was making the right decision in admitting the truth. ¡°Do it anyway.¡±


    Allison watched her expectantly for a moment before her expression faded into unease. ¡°You¡­you mean¡­?¡±


    Remy sighed, the reaction being what she¡¯d expected but somehow worse than she¡¯d feared. In that moment, she gladly would¡¯ve relived her own experience ten more times rather than encourage Allison to relive hers once, but that wasn¡¯t the task in front of her. Instead, she strengthened her resolve and followed her own advice. ¡°I¡¯m not saying it¡¯s a good idea¡­just that it¡¯s the only one I have that I know works.¡±


    Again, Allison nodded. She turned her eyes downward as her look of concentration returned. ¡°Okay¡­okay. Just start somewhere.¡±


    There was a small amount of comfort to be taken from seeing that Allison¡¯s determination hadn¡¯t been shaken, but Remy knew better than to think that she was anywhere near being able to relax. Allison was still determined, but she was also still stuck at the point of deciding where to begin. Realizing that she had the advantage of not being burdened by the weight of memories this time, it occurred to Remy that the best thing she could do in the moment was to try to clear a path that could be followed.


    ¡°As long as I¡¯m talking about things that worked for me¡­how about starting with when you decided to leave?¡±


    Remy was wary of getting excited too early, but she couldn¡¯t help feeling hopeful when she saw some of the tension in Allison¡¯s face ease slightly in response to the suggestion. ¡°It¡¯s¡­hard to say. It wasn¡¯t just one moment where I¡¯d had enough. I got to that point too many times to count, and leaving happened slowly. I¡¯d been low contact with my family for years before I cut them off completely.¡± After a quiet moment, she added, ¡°I remember the first time I had the thought, though. It was right before junior prom.¡±


    Fearful of overwhelming Allison needlessly with questions, Remy attempted to draw reasonable conclusions on her own first. No matter how much she thought about it, though, she couldn¡¯t imagine how prom could be a catalyst for disowning one¡¯s family. It wasn¡¯t entirely surprising when she considered how little she knew about it; she hadn¡¯t even bothered with either of her own. Lacking options, she finally relented as the unnecessary became the inevitable.


    ¡°Why? What happened?¡±


    Allison¡¯s expression turned hard and bitter, contorted into an alarming expression that Remy had never seen her wear. ¡°They decided that two dresses in my prom photos was one too many.¡± Remy wondered what her own face looked like to cause Allison¡¯s to suddenly soften and become sympathetic. ¡°That by itself wasn¡¯t that bad¡­well¡­you know what I mean. It was more shocking than anything. I¡­would typically get away with doing whatever I wanted, so I¡¯d never really been told I couldn¡¯t do something before. When the shock wore off, though¡­that was when it got bad.¡±


    Already seething, Remy forced herself to remember what she was there to do and pushed herself to carry on through clenched teeth. ¡°It got worse?¡±


    ¡°Unfortunately. It was a shock because they had a problem with it all of a sudden and I didn¡¯t know why. It wasn¡¯t like it was a secret that we were dating. They¡¯d even said that it was cute, so it didn¡¯t make any sense that it was suddenly an issue.¡±


    Remy went over the details in her mind several times, but she kept arriving at the same conclusion. ¡°It doesn¡¯t make sense. If they started out being supportive, then what exactly was the expectation other than that you¡¯d keep doing what you were already doing in the first place? I mean, who else would you take to prom? Not that it makes sense that prom would be the thing that broke them.¡±


    ¡°Not prom, really¡­it was the prom pictures. When I didn¡¯t immediately back down, my mother finally let it slip that it was the pictures that were the real problem. They¡­had something of thing for collecting mementos from their kids.¡±


    Something about the way Allison flinched when she hesitated filled Remy with dread, but she knew that was because it was indicating something significant. It was no time to falter. ¡°Something tells me that it¡¯s worse than just scrapbooking.¡±


    For a moment, Allison looked as if she might be sick. ¡°That¡¯s how they referred to it, but¡­it was more like a shrine. All of our accomplishments and every significant moment from our lives was on display in¡­dad called it ¡®the trophy room,¡¯ but was really just a bedroom filled with junk. There were a few other things in there like my parents¡¯ diplomas, but it was mostly stuff from the kids. Every report card, sports trophy and science fair ribbon was on display in there somewhere.¡±


    Initially, Remy¡¯s assumption was that the appropriate thing to do was to say that it was nice that they went through so much trouble to show how proud they were of their children. It seemed like the polite thing to say, especially when her true feelings about it were so unpleasant. Seeing how much it bothered Allison just to describe it to her, it was obvious that there was more to it than that. Arguably even worse was that even without Allison¡¯s change in demeanor for context, Remy didn¡¯t like the sound of such a thing one bit. She was equal parts worried and hopeful that she was simply projecting, but it sounded too extreme to be innocuous. It was hard to imagine that anything good could come of it.


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    ¡°I really wish I could read your mind.¡±


    Remy looked up, only realizing how long she¡¯d been thinking about what to say when she saw that Allison was doing her best to patiently wait to hear it. She nearly defaulted to a polite response, worried about being the one to insult Allison¡¯s family even though she seemed ready to do so herself. Seeing Allison¡¯s expectation in her expression, however, it quickly became clear what the proper course of action really was. There was only one thing Allison ever seemed to want from her, and it wasn¡¯t to go against her instincts.


    ¡°I was just thinking that it sounds¡­disturbing. I mean, it would be one thing if it was a shelf or a mantle or even a display case, but an entire bedroom? It¡­well, it sounds insane.¡±


    Allison¡¯s expression was blank as she quietly spoke. ¡°Insane? Disturbing?¡±


    A wave of panic washed over Remy, but it was too late to change her mind about being honest. ¡°I don¡¯t like to think about what it must¡¯ve been like trying to live up to those kinds of expectations, especially an entire bedroom full of them. Nobody sets aside space for showing off if they don¡¯t intend to use it.¡±


    Another wave of panic began to build as Allison continued to stare blankly, driving Remy to scramble to form an apology until she saw Allison¡¯s eyes begin to overflow. She fell forward and collapsed against Remy¡¯s chest, sobbing quietly while clutching Remy¡¯s top in her fists. Not certain what it meant or exactly how what she¡¯d said had caused it, Remy could only hold her and hope that it comforted her. It seemed to have made some difference as Allison pressed herself harder into Remy when she felt arms gently wrapping themselves around her.


    Remy lost track of time, not caring about anything other than finding a way to bring an end to the pain. She wasn¡¯t sure if she should be relieved or concerned about how long it took for Allison to gather herself enough to speak again. ¡°I seriously don¡¯t know why I¡¯m still surprised that you understand. You¡­you always understand.¡±


    Holding back a sigh of several different sources of relief, Remy reached for her purse and started searching for tissue. ¡°It was just a guess based on experience. I easily could¡¯ve been completely wrong¡ª¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    There was too much relief coming from seeing that Allison was feeling more like herself for Remy to be frustrated. At the same time, there was still too much hanging in the air for her to be comfortable enough to smile. Suspecting that Allison would be ready to get back on task soon now that she seemed to have collected herself, she did her best to gently ease back into the conversation as she lifted a tissue and began carefully wiping away tears.


    ¡°A trophy room¡­honestly. It sounds like something my mother would¡¯ve come up with.¡±


    Allison¡¯s smile was weak, but it was there. Remy took it as a sign that was more good than bad, at the very least. She closed her eyes and allowed Remy to blot away tears as her smile grew a little stronger. ¡°I guess that¡¯s why some of the things you said sounded familiar. You were absolutely right, though. They expected that room to be filled, and¡­well, filled with things worth putting on display. That was usually my job.¡±


    ¡°You? Why? How many siblings do you have?¡±


    ¡°Five. Three brothers and two sisters. I¡¯m the youngest¡­which is probably where it started.¡±


    Remy was getting the feeling that something of significance was happening again, though she couldn¡¯t place exactly what it was. ¡°Where what started?¡±


    ¡°Picking a favorite.¡± Allison looked up at Remy with the same unease that she had when talking about her various accomplishments earlier, as though expecting some sort of judgment to follow the confession. When Remy only patiently waited while checking to make sure her tissue hadn¡¯t smeared any mascara, Allison cautiously continued. ¡°We all had things we were good at, so someone was always coming home with something to hang on a wall or put on a shelf. With me, though, I was¡­well¡­I was just good at more things than everybody else and better at them. Not that much better, but¡­there was enough of a difference to notice. Everyone else did well in their classes, but I was usually the best in mine. I got older and the gap grew with me and¡­I guess my parents figured that they didn¡¯t have to settle for excellence when they had perfection. At some point, I became the golden child¡­and everybody else suffered for it. It wasn¡¯t until prom that I stopped to think about it long enough to realize what was happening.¡±


    Remy put all of her effort into remaining silent. She was horrified, and she couldn¡¯t think of a way to downplay it outside of saying nothing at all. Even without Allison¡¯s confirmation, remembering her own sister made it easy to guess what kind of relationships would result from that kind of treatment. When she finally spoke, she put everything she could into keeping the tone of her voice even. ¡°So¡­the prom pictures¡­¡±


    ¡°It turns out that they had some very specific ideas about where my life should be heading, and it apparently never occurred to them to run any of it by me until it started to look like I might be doing literally anything else.¡±


    Bracing herself, Remy spit the question out of her mouth as if it was burning her, mostly because she wasn¡¯t sure she wanted to know the answer. ¡°How specific?¡±


    ¡°They¡¯d decided what I¡¯d say during my valedictorian speech. They knew what college I was going to, and how I¡¯d get in whether I was accepted or not. They know what kind of man I¡¯d marry, based on earning potential and what our kids would look like. I¡¯m going to have at least two but no more than three, by the way.¡±


    Remy was seeing red, and Allison seemed to have noticed judging by the way she hurried to move the conversation along. ¡°Up to that point, they basically let me do whatever I wanted to keep me happy¡­to keep me agreeable, I guess. I don¡¯t think they really cared as long as I was producing, but that was the first time I¡¯d produced something that went against what they had in mind for me. I¡­I think they panicked. I tried to reason with them, but it was like I was talking to two strangers. Everything I said bounced off of them. Any conversation I tried to start about my life or my future turned into an interrogation. Whenever I said that I didn¡¯t want something they wanted, they started asking what I wanted instead. I fell for it every time.¡±


    Somehow, Remy managed to unclench her jaw long enough to pose a question. ¡°Fell for what, exactly?¡±


    ¡°I¡­thought they were asking because they cared. Because they actually wanted to hear what I had to say. Because I was getting through to them. It was really just about finding out what to take from me. If I expressed interest in something that didn¡¯t fit in the pretty picture they¡¯d painted, it wasn¡¯t allowed. I had a girlfriend, so it wasn¡¯t allowed. They went to her parents and the school and¡­I don¡¯t know what they said or did, but it worked. No more girlfriend. Then I didn¡¯t want to date at all. I was getting dragged along to dinners with ¡®close family friends¡¯ with sons my age. I loved baking. The school told me that I wasn¡¯t allowed to sign up for any more food science classes. ¡®You can still do what you want, but only if it¡¯s good for you. You should be grateful instead of always complaining. You can¡¯t have everything you want.¡¯¡±


    The only thing that was able to make Remy set her anger aside was the fact that remorse pushed it aside. Remembering her earlier words, she questioned making Allison happy for the first time. It was becoming difficult to consider being right to be worth doing harm in the process.


    ¡°You feel guilty for guessing what they¡¯d said, don¡¯t you?¡±


    Remy flinched as she looked at Allison, unsettled by hearing her own thoughts narrated to her. Allison¡¯s eyes were misting again, but it wasn¡¯t enough to deter her smile. ¡°I still can¡¯t read you very well, but at least I¡¯m getting there. Stop worrying about that, by the way. It¡­it makes me happy that you understand. Happier than I can tell you.¡±


    It was difficult to understand how that could be the case, but Remy was relieved enough to be willing to take her word for it. ¡°As long as I¡¯m making you happy, I guess I can live with it.¡±


    Her face began to burn immediately when she heard herself saying far more than she¡¯d intended, but Remy¡¯s resolve to keep to her word was tested when she saw Allison¡¯s smile widen on hearing it. ¡°Happier than I can tell you. I¡¯m¡­not used to being able to talk about these kinds of things with anyone. For a while, that was all I wanted. Friends had to meet approval like everything else, so there was no hope there even if I¡¯d had any that close to begin with. My brothers and sisters were the only ones left, and¡­I¡¯d long since alienated them. I didn¡¯t realize what was wrong with what I was doing until the damage was done. Not that they¡¯d have understood¡­they suffered a whole lot longer than I did.¡±


    For once, Remy wasn¡¯t at a loss for words. If anything, she had far too many to choose from. She had a list of things she wanted to say, from reminding her that pain wasn¡¯t a competition to telling her how none of it was her fault to devoting an hour or two to calling her parents every horrible thing that occurred to her. Seeing the sorrow that was beginning to weigh her down, however, Remy was reminded of her purpose in that moment and the best of her options suddenly became obvious. Taking Allison into her arms again, Remy kissed her cheek before holding her close.


    ¡°For the record¡­you can count on me, too.¡±

 Only Carry Us Forward

    Allison had lost count of how many times she¡¯d found herself in that same situation, staring at Remy and trying to read her thoughts. As usual, she gave nothing away. She sat quietly, looking down at her lap and gently stroking Millefeuille¡¯s back and scratching between her ears as she purred softly and made herself comfortable. She¡¯d finally emerged for the first time since they¡¯d arrived, likely coming to investigate after hearing Allison¡¯s crying moments earlier. Remy had a faint smile on her lips as she looked down at Millefeuille, the vaguely content expression so far removed from her usual dedication to unreadable neutrality that she almost looked like a different person entirely. It was nice to see, but not especially helpful.


    In that moment, Allison wanted to know Remy¡¯s thoughts about everything she¡¯d just heard. She¡¯d just shared so much of herself that she felt exhausted from the effort and, for all that could be determined by Remy¡¯s expression, she hadn¡¯t been talking about anything any more consequential than the weather. That certainly wasn¡¯t the case; one thing she knew about Remy as well as her ability to mask her thoughts and feelings was that she wasn¡¯t one for feigning interest. Even without having known that already, Remy¡¯s earlier reactions to what she¡¯d heard were unmistakable. Even in her sadness, Allison was briefly taken aback by the seething anger she saw. It was every bit as comforting as being embraced to see Remy ready to stand by her side in her darkest moment, as dedicated to Allison¡¯s cause as she was herself. It was impossible to not want more.


    Logically, Allison knew that Remy would continue to stand by her. In fact, she¡¯d gone as far as to declare that to be the case, echoing Allison¡¯s own sentiment from earlier in the evening. Just as she wasn¡¯t one to feign interest, she wasn¡¯t one to speak hollow words. Even without her outrage for context, Allison could say without hesitation that she had Remy¡¯s full support. That was why she knew that she wasn¡¯t longing for support, but rather confirmation of that support. Since the rift between her and her parents took shape, for someone to stand by her in her time of need was rare nearly to the point of being a foreign concept. The only other people she¡¯d confided in since who didn¡¯t either dismiss her concerns or outright argue against them were Lily and Mari and, as much as Allison treasured them both for it, there was no denying the difference between them and Remy. To be heard and acknowledged was a treasure, but to be heard and acknowledged at the same time as being understood bordered on miraculous. In Allison¡¯s life, the occurrence was unprecedented.


    ¡°I think I get why you want to read my mind.¡±


    Allison was shaken from her thoughts by Remy¡¯s voice and, initially, she couldn¡¯t understand what had triggered it. After a moment, she finally realized just how long she¡¯d been sitting there and staring, desperate to pierce Remy¡¯s imperceptible mask and unearth the emotions she knew were there but couldn¡¯t see. Embarrassment drove her to look for a plausible excuse for her actions, but a moment¡¯s thought about what Remy was saying she wanted turned Allison¡¯s embarrassment into guilt. When considering that all she was asking for was the same thing that Allison was just thinking she wanted herself, there was no getting past the fact that it was a completely reasonable request.


    ¡°I was actually just thinking something similar. I¡­I know I just dropped a lot on you, and¡­¡±


    When Allison¡¯s voice trailed off, Remy didn¡¯t wait long to fill the silence. ¡°I know you¡¯re nervous, but fair warning. If you¡¯re about to apologize, your nose is in for some get-even.¡±


    With a chuckle, Allison leaned against Remy and joined her in stroking Millefeuille¡¯s fur. ¡°No¡­well, not really. I was just¡­¡± There was a moment of struggling for words as her embarrassment returned, stopping her thoughts in her throat before she could speak them. When the moment began to stretch too far, Remy turned a curious glance in her direction and triggered her curiosity. ¡°How did you know I was feeling nervous? For that matter, how did you know I was looking at you?¡±


    Remy¡¯s mask cracked momentarily, betraying a fleeting but noticeable sense of unease. ¡°Would you know what I meant if I said that I just had a feeling?¡±


    Allison thought about it, but she only felt more confused for her trouble. ¡°Are you saying that you felt me looking at you?¡±


    There was a long silence and a look of concentration before Remy responded. ¡°In a sense. Have you ever looked up for no apparent reason and saw someone looking back at you? You don¡¯t know how, but you just got a feeling that you were being watched and looked up without thinking about it. It¡¯s like that, just¡­stronger, I guess? I¡¯m not really sure how to explain it, but it¡¯s that same feeling. I just don¡¯t look up.¡±


    Even though the what of the matter made more sense, the how only became more mysterious. ¡°Okay, I get the looking up thing¡­I think. How do you keep from doing it, though?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s like keeping your eyes open when you sneeze or tensing a muscle for a long time. Most people think it¡¯s impossible, but it¡¯s really like anything else. If you practice, you get better at it.¡±


    ¡°But¡­how do you practice having an involuntary reaction to something?¡±


    ¡°You don¡¯t. You practice how you deal with it when it happens. If you have enough opportunities, it¡¯s easier than you might think¡­with the proper motivation.¡±


    ¡°Motivation to do what, exactly?¡±


    ¡°Not react. Reacting draws attention to what would otherwise likely go ignored. Depending on who you¡¯re dealing with, it can make all the difference in the world to just not create excuses to start an interaction with them.¡± Remy suddenly glanced at Allison again and quietly added, ¡°No¡­you probably don¡¯t want to know.¡±


    Allison wanted to be impressed by how perceptive Remy was, but she couldn¡¯t help feeling more unsettled than anything else. When Remy was speaking about her past, Allison had gotten the feeling more than once that some details were being purposely omitted. She was curious at the time and not asking for the sake of being polite but, now that she was faced with an inkling of what she was missing, she couldn¡¯t help wondering if she really was better off for not knowing. Just imagining what someone would have to endure to go through so much to go unnoticed purely in the interest of their own safety was horrifying enough without having those suspicions confirmed. She wouldn¡¯t hesitate to listen if Remy wanted to talk about it, but Allison suspected that it would mean that there was a long night ahead of them. The only comfort she could draw from the situation was finally solving the mystery behind Remy¡¯s ability to disappear into thin air at a moment¡¯s notice.


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    ¡°You still haven¡¯t told me what you¡¯re nervous about.¡±


    Again torn from her thoughts unexpectedly, it took Allison a moment to gather herself enough to think back and remember what Remy was referencing. ¡°Oh¡­oh, yeah. That.¡±


    Remy glanced at Allison again and smirked. ¡°You were going to apologize, weren¡¯t you?¡±


    Allison did her best to look huffy and annoyed. ¡°I most certainly wasn¡¯t, thank you very much.¡± When Remy continued to stare at her with a barely contained smile, Allison¡¯s resolve crumbled. ¡°Okay, I was thinking it.¡±


    Remy laughed aloud, stifling herself only when she saw Millefeuille turn to look up at her with sleepy eyes. Stroking the top of her head until she yawned and settled back down, Remy turned back to Allison and spoke just above a whisper. ¡°I knew it. I owe your nose one as soon as I don¡¯t have a cat sleeping on me.¡±


    Allison just barely managed to contain her own laughter as she watched Remy gently soothing Millefeuille to sleep. ¡°Well, that¡¯s what I was thinking just now, at least. When you first asked¡­actually, I was wondering what you were thinking.¡±


    Looking surprised, Remy seemed to be thinking for a moment before speaking. ¡°At the time, I was just thinking about everything you¡¯d told me. I guess it really was a lot to take in. I was just trying to get my head wrapped around it without wanting to cause someone some kind of harm.¡±


    Even though she¡¯d already decided that she didn¡¯t need it, Allison¡¯s heart skipped a beat at the confirmation of Remy¡¯s thoughts. Thinking of her own feelings whenever she noticed someone¡¯s taking an interest in Remy, Allison felt overwhelmed by the thought that Remy might be feeling anywhere near as protective of her. Being careful to not disturb Millefeuille, she wrapped herself around Remy¡¯s arm and leaned against her with a contented sigh. She didn¡¯t want to wake Millefeuille now that Remy had just gotten her to sleep, but she had needs, as well.


    Alright, Millie. You¡¯ve had her to yourself for long enough. She¡¯s mine.


    Remy sat quietly for a long time, again finally showing some sign of her thoughts as a hint of a smile again revealed itself. Allison wasn¡¯t surprised that it was such a small sign, a smile and a peaceful expression being the only indication of her mood. If Allison hadn¡¯t known Remy better and been specifically looking for it, she could have easily missed it entirely. It again made her wonder what Remy had been through now that she knew that Remy¡¯s muted expressions and ability to turn her presence on and off on a whim were the results of effort rather than natural inclination. It was only for fear of disturbing the blissful moment following so much heartache that she managed to keep the question of what could drive someone to such extremes quiet. It continued to eat away at her, though, largely because she couldn¡¯t imagine herself going through the same thing. It made her sick to think that it happened to anyone, let alone Remy.


    When Remy finally spoke, her voice was as peaceful as her expression. ¡°What about you, though? Did you know that you were coming to Violet Meadows, or did you just happen to end up here?¡±


    ¡°Kind of both, honestly. When graduation got close, I started looking for whatever would take me as far from Vegas as possible. I knew what I really wanted, though, so I was looking for that, too. It was pure luck that I happened to get both at the same time.¡±


    ¡°What were you looking for?¡±


    ¡°Something small. A place where I could do my best and it would be appreciated, and¡­nothing else. No massive kitchens in three-star restaurants where someone¡¯s screaming at me for fourteen hours a day.¡±


    Remy turned an uneasy glance in Allison¡¯s direction. ¡°I always assumed the yelling and screaming thing was just for television.¡±


    Remembering her experience in kitchens before meeting Lily, Allison groaned as loudly as she dared while being so close to Millefeuille. ¡°It¡¯s for television, but not just for television. It depends on the people, but¡­it¡¯s not exactly unusual. In fact, it¡¯s at least partly out of necessity. Lots of people, lots of noise and no room for mistakes means making yourself heard the first time. The stress probably just repurposes the noise.¡±


    A shudder rippled through Remy¡¯s body. ¡°That¡¯s what your job is like?¡±


    Laughing quietly, Allison briefly pressed her face against Remy¡¯s shoulder to help muffle the noise. ¡°Not even close. Lily hates yelling for any reason¡­seriously, she can¡¯t stand it. It¡¯s one of the reasons I jumped at the job offer.¡±


    ¡°One of?¡±


    ¡°The big one was the fact that I didn¡¯t have much time. After the stunt I pulled before graduation to get into culinary school, low contact turned into no contact as soon as I packed my car and left for ¡®New York.¡¯ I didn¡¯t have much money by that point and calling home wasn¡¯t an option, so I needed to start working.¡±


    Allison looked over at Remy and saw another sign of emotion from her, this time something that reminded her of every time she¡¯d burned with curiosity and it took everything she had to not voice her questions. What she must have wanted to know seemed obvious, but Allison was wary of obliging for fear of shattering the calm they¡¯d finally found.


    ¡°It¡¯s a long story of its own, and one probably best left for another time. Besides, right now¡­I have something else to ask about.¡±


    As if confirming Allison¡¯s fears, Remy¡¯s expression shifted slightly. It wasn¡¯t anything immediately concerning to one who didn¡¯t know her better, but the sudden return of her neutral expression was a clear sign to Allison that she was preparing herself for the worst.


    ¡°Something else about the past?¡±


    Allison smiled as she shook her head. Her heartbeat picked up its pace as she thought about what she was about to say but, for the first time, feeling nervous felt like a sign of good things to come. After all, that seemed to be what it always meant where Remy was concerned.


    ¡°No, nothing like that. I¡¯m¡­actually wondering about the future.¡±

 The Skies Will Always Clear

    Remy¡¯s heart began hammering as she looked at Allison, her expression uncertain but determined. Something as vague as simply saying talking about the future didn¡¯t carry nearly enough implication on its own to instill fear, but the same could be said for hope. Caught between the two and feeling that there was no context to guide her, the choice between them seemed obvious. It wasn¡¯t without reason that assuming the worst had become Remy¡¯s default response to the unknown; if anything, it seemed logical to her. If she was going to be wrong, she preferred that it be because she expected the worst and it proved to be for nothing than to hope for anything good and end up being let down. It wasn¡¯t until that moment that she saw the flaw in the strategy. That moment marked the first time that she could remember having to make the choice when she was already hopeful.


    There was a nearly overwhelming sense of terror that came with having something at stake, a fact that she¡¯d all but forgotten over the last several hours. She¡¯d allowed herself to become convinced that all was well, going so far as to feel confident in her belief that there was nothing to fear. In that moment of waiting, however, she was violently torn from her blissful haze and sent back in time to the beginning of the evening, as torn between hope and fear as she¡¯d been since she first met Allison. It felt as if she¡¯d been pulled out of her life and dropped into someone else¡¯s, a life with which she was only vaguely familiar as though she¡¯d heard about it rather than remembered living it herself. She couldn¡¯t stop herself from wondering if she¡¯d made a mistake in allowing herself to relax, having more than enough experience to know better than to assume that what had been gained couldn¡¯t be lost. Somehow, she¡¯d allowed herself to repeat that mistake.


    Spending so much time so close to Allison, her touch a sensation as constant as her own heartbeat, Remy had become comfortable with it. It was soothing, something that was impossible to not notice and too far removed from her expectations of daily life to call it familiar. Whenever Allison pulled away and those expectations again became reality, the world became cold and left her feeling desperate for the warmth that was within arm¡¯s reach. As the night went on, however, it became clear that these moments were always temporary. Allison had made her intentions clear more than once, and she¡¯d made no secret of having no more desire to be parted than Remy did. The constant reassurance made it almost easy to forget worries and assumptions that warned of disaster.


    Then why am I worried now?


    She couldn¡¯t say what made her ask herself the question but, now that she had, there was no ignoring the fact that it needed an answer. In her fear that was rapidly building into panic, Remy had forgotten the reason that she¡¯d felt confident enough to lower her guard enough to begin to feel comfortable in the first place. Her past experience had taught her to not become complacent, but she hadn¡¯t forgotten that lesson when she¡¯d allowed herself to grow closer to Allison. It was a conscious decision, one born of both experience and reason. Allison¡¯s intent and desire were both clear, and there was no cause for doubting either. The more she thought about it, the more she drifted back into the present and next to Allison, close enough to feel her warmth radiating from her skin. As comforted as she was by putting the moment behind her, Remy couldn¡¯t help feeling disturbed by how easily she¡¯d slipped from comfort and into fear.


    ¡°I¡¯m gonna guess that you¡¯re trying to fix¡­something.¡±


    Remy smiled as she looked up at Allison, still staring at her intently and looking as if she was searching for something. ¡°Still trying to read my mind?¡±


    Turning pink, Allison gave a shy smile of her own. ¡°Maybe.¡±


    Remy couldn¡¯t help smiling, herself. It was impossible to not appreciate the dedication, especially where anything involving her was concerned. ¡°Well, in that case, you¡¯re getting better. What makes you say that?¡±


    Allison perked up immediately, looking quite pleased with herself. ¡°Well, you looked worried¡­at first, at least. Then you looked like you were thinking about something. I¡¯m guessing something was wrong and you¡¯re trying to figure out what to do about it.¡±


    There was a brief pain in Remy¡¯s stomach as she realized just how close Allison was to the truth. At the same time, she became acutely aware of the fact that she had no idea how to explain her thoughts, still wondering herself exactly how they¡¯d come about. ¡°You¡¯re two for two. Any idea what I was thinking?¡±


    Allison¡¯s expression shifted rapidly again, this time into a pout as she huffed and looked away. ¡°There goes my streak, I guess. I was just wondering the same thing. It¡¯s impossible to know what your thinking face means.¡±


    ¡°My thinking face?¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s that face you make when you¡¯re thinking really hard about something. No matter what you end up telling me you were thinking about, the face is always the same. You just look like you¡¯re about to kick somebody¡¯s ass.¡±


    Somewhere in the back of Remy¡¯s mind, she knew without a doubt that laughing in that moment was a terrible idea. She fought against it for a moment, but she ended up losing the battle both quickly and spectacularly. The most she was able to do was cover her mouth and hope that she wasn¡¯t loud enough to wake Millefeuille, already knowing that the worst of the consequences of her failure were inevitable. As if on cue, Allison turned a stern eye toward Remy and grumbled, unintentionally adding fuel to the fire.


    ¡°How¡­how can you still be¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Not. Another. Word.¡±


    Remy fought herself with her entire being, just barely managing to stay ahead of her laughter. Seeing Allison¡¯s pout beginning to falter, she couldn¡¯t resist the urge to cause it to turn into another smile. ¡°Even if I don¡¯t say it, it¡¯s still true.¡±


    The corners of her mouth twitching, Allison folded her arms and stared hard. ¡°It. Is. Not.¡±


    ¡°Your argument might be more convincing if you weren¡¯t proving me right while you made it.¡±


    ¡°Remy Dauphine, I swear¡ª¡±


    ¡°Shh¡­you¡¯ll wake Millie up.¡±


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    Briefly looking alarmed, Allison glanced down at Remy¡¯s lap before returning to glaring at her. She was clearly trying to make an immediate return to looking menacing, but the effort was undercut by acting as if she hadn¡¯t just dropped her supposed anger entirely for fear of waking a sleeping cat. It didn¡¯t help her cause that as she resumed building toward a tirade, she was speaking just barely above a whisper and continuing to give worried glances toward Remy¡¯s lap.


    ¡°You¡¯d better stop that right now! I am absolutely not¡ª¡±


    ¡°Oh, there it is.¡± When Allison stopped short in confusion, Remy pressed the advantage. ¡°I was wondering when it would be back. The cute never stays gone for long.¡±


    Allison sputtered, trying several times to mount another argument and only falling into silence. She groaned loudly in frustration only to silence herself, covering her mouth and giving a panicked look toward Remy¡¯s lap as Millefeuille briefly stirred. When she looked up again, Remy could feel the beginning of a headache from the strain of holding back her laughter. With an almost silent huff, Allison glared at Remy again while reaching out and picking up Millefeuille so gently that Remy could barely feel her touch. Feeling herself moving, Millefeuille briefly meowed in protest before cutting herself off with a yawn. Storming toward the hallway, Allison shot a cold look over her shoulder at Remy, apparently unaware that her pout had long since broken into a full smile.


    ¡°I¡¯ll be back.¡±


    ¡°Where are you taking her?¡±


    ¡°To her bed. I can¡¯t fight with you while you have a hostage.¡±


    Still trying to hold back her laughter but unable to contain it entirely, Remy let out a loud snort. As if in response, she heard a giggle come from around the corner that was quickly stifled. Smiling to herself, Remy leaned back in her seat, content to have solved at least one of the mysteries still floating around her thoughts.


    I could get used to this. Actually¡­I think I might already be halfway there.


    She couldn¡¯t say why or how, but spending time with Allison had very quickly gone from being worrying to feeling natural. Once she¡¯d managed to put aside her seemingly endless fears of either misinterpreting the situation or somehow making a mess of it, she¡¯d fallen into this new pattern so easily that she hadn¡¯t even realized that it was happening. Everything about being with Allison made her happy, which came as little surprise when she thought about how badly she¡¯d wanted it. What came as a shock quite unexpectedly was that there was nothing making her unhappy. There was no strife, no tension, no exchange of a semblance of happiness for some form of misery. It wasn¡¯t until she looked for it and couldn¡¯t find it that she realized that she¡¯d expected it. Time spent with Allison felt the way that she always assumed sharing someone¡¯s company should feel, something that felt like a childish flight of fancy that she couldn¡¯t bring herself to abandon. In more ways than one, Allison was proving to be a dream come true.


    A moment later, Allison rounded the corner of the hallway and came into view again, stomping angrily as she made her way toward the couch. She threw herself onto the seat next to Remy and collapsed in a heap against her shoulder, still failing to hide her smile as she grumbled. Taking Remy¡¯s arm, she wrapped it around herself like a blanket and pressed herself close. Feeling the laughter building again and wondering if she¡¯d pushed a bit too hard, Remy steadied herself as best she could before speaking.


    ¡°Aren¡¯t we supposed to be fighting?¡±


    ¡°I changed my mind.¡± Allison¡¯s voice wasn¡¯t entirely steady, making her sound as if she was on the verge of laughing herself. ¡°Cuddle now, fight later.¡±


    Again, Remy could only smile as contentment washed over her and swept away the last of the fear that had her in its grasp. There was still a sense of unease lingering from the thought of how easily it had begun to overtake her, but there was also relief in the knowledge that it could be dispelled just as easily. It gripped her like an illness, but Allison was the cure.


    ¡°So¡­what were you thinking about?¡±


    So much for relaxing.


    Unease returned, but only as a brief pang of fear rather than the slowly building abject horror from moments earlier. This time, the source was clearly defined. Even if she¡¯d been able to clearly state what had her feeling so afraid, Remy knew that what could be said about it wasn¡¯t anything that Allison was going to like hearing. After having spent so much of the evening easing fears enough to move beyond them, she couldn¡¯t help feeling as if admitting to having slipped back into them would be an insult to that effort, even if only momentarily. With a sigh, Remy resigned herself to something slightly better than the worst and began preparing to explain herself. As terrible as it felt to even suspect that she was about to upset Allison, that was nothing compared to the thought of lying to her. Even if she had any faith in her ability to do more than insult her intelligence by trying to mislead her, it turned her stomach to even consider it as a possibility.


    My nose is going to be bruised before this night is over. ¡°I was¡­trying to process.¡±


    ¡°Process what?¡±


    ¡°You said that¡­that you wanted to talk about the future. I got scared.¡±


    Allison sat up straight and turned to Remy, her expression suddenly grave. ¡°Do you¡­not want to talk about it? I mean¡­if you¡¯re not comfortable with defining things, I¡­I understand that.¡±


    There was another pang of fear, this time serving as a warning that she was in danger of fulfilling her own prophecy. In outright defiance of her nature, a wild urge drove Remy to take the reins of the conversation before it went too far down the wrong path. ¡°No! No, I want to know what I¡¯m dealing with! What¡­what we are. Actually, I¡­I was afraid of the exact opposite. I guess that not knowing means that it¡¯s possible that this could all still come to an end.¡±


    Instead of the anger or disappointment that Remy expected, Allison merely looked confused. ¡°You thought I wasn¡¯t happy with how things are going?¡±


    Even though Remy had already reached the conclusion, it wasn¡¯t until she heard the confusion in Allison¡¯s question or saw her incredulous expression that it became apparent how absurd the assumption was. Even without clear definitions, Remy couldn¡¯t think of a single example of an indication that her worries had any merit from the entire evening. In fact, thinking back as far as when they first met brought no evidence of such a thing. It slowly dawned on her that the only thing that came close to suggesting it was a lack of confirmation, like fearing monsters when staring into darkness and being too consumed by that fear to question what was actually there. Remy lowered her head and groaned loudly, her swirling emotions slowly being overtaken by a rapidly growing frustration with herself.


    ¡°I really am a useless lesbian.¡±


    Again, Remy found herself surprised when, of all of the expectations she had for what would come next, Allison defied all of them with almost hysterical laughter. ¡°I know that the polite thing to do would be to disagree, but¡­¡±


    Remy looked up to see Allison leaning into her again, bringing their lips together and causing time to stand still. Whether it was seconds or days later, Allison pulled away and stared into Remy¡¯s eyes, gently cradling her face in both hands and refusing to allow her to look away.


    ¡°We really do have a lot to talk about. I¡­I think we need to get on the same page about some things. The first is that if you really want this that badly, you should know that I want it just as much. That¡¯s¡­that¡¯s what I had in mind when I was talking about ¡®the future.¡¯ I think we¡¯re at the beginning of something special, and I want to make sure it stays that way.¡±

 And the Waves Will Always Calm

    Sitting and watching Remy fidget and shift uncomfortably in her seat, Allison couldn¡¯t entirely set her frustration aside. Until that moment, she¡¯d assumed that being able to take note of Remy¡¯s subtly shifting expressions and decipher their meanings would make her easier to understand. Instead, she found that the small measure of understanding she¡¯d learned to pull from her observations left her feeling more confused than when she was at a complete loss. There was a sense of frustration that wasn¡¯t present when she felt she didn¡¯t understand anything at all, a feeling that she was beginning to see through the fog between her and the answer but there was still a barrier keeping her from it. It was some consolation, at least, that another objective had been completed. Though Remy remained a mystery in many ways, Allison certainly felt closer to her. As much as she hated still not knowing what Remy was thinking, there was still comfort that came from Remy¡¯s willingness to allow her to try.


    Thinking about that comfort renewed Allison¡¯s determination to keep the evening moving in the right direction. She reached out and took Remy¡¯s hand, lacing their fingers together and gently stroking her fingertips as she searched for the words to delicately push the conversation forward.


    ¡°I can¡¯t completely read you yet, but I can take a reasonable guess. You were pretty nervous when we met in the park earlier, so¡­is that what¡¯s happening now?¡±


    Remy¡¯s expression was weighed heavily with guilt as she quietly nodded. ¡°Kind of. I¡­I guess I started to backslide. I don¡¯t know why. Being around you was getting easier¡­so easy that I forgot to worry.¡±


    There was a sharp pain immediately followed by fear as Allison¡¯s mind began to race to understand why Remy would be having a hard time being around her, the involuntary assumption being that Remy was forcing herself to be there with her. It took a moment to put the thought aside, reminding herself that, no matter the reason, Remy had remained adamant about her desire to be there. As the worry subsided, it became easier to also remember that helping Remy was what was most important just then and, with that goal in mind, the way forward suddenly became clear. Remy¡¯s discomfort had been pushing her along a single course of action for the entire evening and, if Remy had become more comfortable over time, there was no reason to not continue. She was going to have to keep her outlook positive enough for the both of them.


    ¡°Well, if it was getting easier, that¡¯s a good sign, at least.¡±


    Allison¡¯s heart lightened considerably when, seemingly against all odds, Remy¡¯s expression brightened slightly as a faint smile took shape. ¡°I thought so, too¡­not that I have any more idea how that happened than anything else.¡±


    Following a moment of curiosity, Allison took her turn to feel a measure of guilt. She¡¯d been actively attempting to keep the mood light and positive all evening and make it clear that any interest on Remy¡¯s part was welcome, but that wasn¡¯t the only thing that she¡¯d been doing. With a quick glance to the nearby coffee table where Remy¡¯s wine glass had been sitting since she took Millefeuille into her lap earlier, the guilt quickly became too heavy a burden to bear to not warrant a confession.


    ¡°I¡­think I had a little more to do with that than I intended.¡±


    Following Allison¡¯s gaze, Remy¡¯s eyes fell on the wine glass before turning back to Allison with a widening smile. Giving Allison¡¯s hand a gentle squeeze, Remy leaned forward and gave her cheek a quick peck before leaning back to gaze at her again. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I don¡¯t have any reason to think that you were up to anything like that.¡±


    Allison was certainly relieved, though too surprised by how easily Remy accepted the gesture at face value to not question it. ¡°I guess not, but¡­it still seems like you¡¯re being pretty forgiving.¡±


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    Remy gave a soft laugh as she continued to stare into Allison¡¯s eyes, seemingly attempting to convey something important without words. ¡°I just don¡¯t think there¡¯s anything to forgive. You say you weren¡¯t up to anything and I believe you.¡±


    ¡°But don¡¯t you think¡ª?¡±


    ¡°Boop.¡±


    Allison laughed in spite of herself. She wasn¡¯t sure if it was just the shock of realizing how bad the situation could¡¯ve looked in spite of her intentions or if she should still be feeling remorse, but she hadn¡¯t realized how quickly the fear of unintended consequences had built until Remy began to dispel it. As strong as Remy was, everything Allison had learned about her so far made her acutely aware that she was incredibly sensitive, as well. There was a faint but constant fear of failing to consider that fact well enough and accidentally upsetting her or, worse, pushing her away. Ironically, it was that same fear that led her to take a more subtle approach to creating an intimate atmosphere than simply trying to convince Remy to relax. As much as she worried about being in uncharted territory with Remy, however, she couldn¡¯t help feeling encouraged to keep trying when she saw her efforts being appreciated. As if reading her thoughts, Remy seemed to be trying to drive the point home as she spoke again.


    ¡°I know that I¡¯m¡­not easy to deal with. I¡¯m just happy that you cared enough to try anyway. Besides, I think it¡¯s worth noting that it worked.¡± Remy¡¯s expression shifted slightly as she looked away, her expression again showing signs of something akin to guilt. ¡°Until it didn¡¯t, anyway¡­but that one¡¯s on me.¡±


    All of Allison¡¯s thoughts were suddenly pushed aside as she began to get an uncomfortable feeling about where Remy¡¯s thoughts were headed. Acting purely on instinct, she rushed to get in front of them and head them off before they could get too far down that path. ¡°Oh, no you don¡¯t. If I can¡¯t feel guilty, then neither can you¡­especially over feeling how you feel.¡± Sensing a counterargument was coming, Allison quickly added, ¡°Why don¡¯t you just tell me what happened? Even if you don¡¯t know how it happened.¡±


    Remy paused for a long moment and then sighed, now looking slightly frustrated. ¡°I just started worrying again¡­thinking all of the same things I¡¯ve been worrying about all along. Worrying that I want this more than you do, worrying that this will all go wrong somehow¡­thinking things that I thought I¡¯d put behind me. I¡¯d more or less forgotten about it until I started thinking about¡­¡±


    It wasn¡¯t hard for Allison to guess what Remy was thinking and struggling to say aloud. Not wanting to put her through remembering it all again, she decided to take the reins of the conversation and begin to steer it in a more productive direction. ¡°That¡­makes sense. After what you¡¯ve been through, I¡­I mean, it¡¯s not like I know everything, but what I do know isn¡¯t anything that would be easy to let go of. I guess that¡¯s one of the things that makes my situation different from yours. I have some things that I deal with, too, and I was having some of the same worries that you were before tonight. Mine just don¡¯t come back as easily. Don¡¯t think that I don¡¯t understand, though, or that I¡¯m not willing to wait¡­as long as you want to keep going.¡±


    Allison felt a sharp pain somewhere deep within her, a knife that was stabbing her and being twisted by hearing her own words. It wasn¡¯t until that moment that she realized how much she¡¯d been fearing the same things as Remy, worrying that things would somehow find a way to come crashing down around her in spite of how well they seemed to be going. The desire to keep the conversation moving forward had nearly pushed her to admit this when she noticed yet another change in Remy¡¯s expression, several that seemed to be taking place simultaneously and conflicting with each other. Her expression was determined, looking as though she was bracing herself and marching into battle. At the same time, however, she was suddenly blushing furiously.


    ¡°That¡¯s¡­that¡¯s about the only thing that I want right now. To keep moving forward¡­with you. It¡¯s not exactly easy, but¡­I wasn¡¯t expecting it to be. As long as you¡¯re willing to wait, I¡¯m willing to catch up. I mean¡­I¡¯m trying to say¡­well, y¡ªyou¡¯ve got a¡­a g¡ªgirlfriend now.¡± With a heavy, frustrated sigh, Remy quietly added, ¡°Even if she is a useless lesbian.¡±


    Allison had too many thoughts to count swirling in her head as she stared at Remy, her face growing hot and her head feeling so light that she thought she may faint. She wanted to ease Remy¡¯s fears, confirm that her own desires matched perfectly, chastise her for being so hard on herself and hear her call herself her girlfriend again and again through it all. As she rushed forward, she vaguely thought that she would tell her all of it if she could ever bring herself to stop kissing her long enough to speak.

 As Long as We Keep Moving

    Did¡­did I just¡­?


    When Allison finally released her, Remy¡¯s mind was all but blank. It wasn¡¯t entirely unexpected. Allison¡¯s mere presence had a way of pushing Remy¡¯s thoughts to one side, and her touch always seemed to take priority over all else. Her kisses, however, caused the world to come to a standstill, everything but her touch paling in significance and fading away entirely. It was an understatement to say that in those moments, Allison held Remy¡¯s entire world in the palm of her hand.


    When Allison pulled away this time, though, the world around Remy didn¡¯t immediately begin clamoring for her attention as it often did in the absence of sensations with which it could never hope to compete. The first thought to come to mind was the memory of the last thing she¡¯d said, a memory that proved to be every bit as much of an insurmountable obstacle to the world¡¯s demands for Remy¡¯s attention as Allison was. Time seemed to stretch endlessly as Remy recalled the words, wondering where they¡¯d come from and, more mystifying, what had caused her to utter them aloud. No matter how many times she replayed it in her mind, she couldn¡¯t make any sense of it. She¡¯d thought of it too many times to count, but it was a violation of her nature to be so openly presumptuous. No measure of hope on her part explained how she could so casually declare herself to be Allison¡¯s girlfriend.


    ¡°Tell me what you¡¯re thinking. No promises that you won¡¯t suffer any consequences for it, though.¡±


    Once again, Allison cut through Remy¡¯s thoughts and immediately became her first priority. Looking up, Remy saw Allison wearing an expression of bravery that was too stern to believe she wasn¡¯t forcing it. As if preparing to make good on her threat, she held her fingertip to Remy¡¯s nose, ready to make contact at a moment¡¯s notice. Remy smiled in spite of herself, but she couldn¡¯t ignore that Allison seemed to have quite a bit more on her mind than she was saying, as well.


    ¡°You look worried about something.¡±


    As Remy had expected, Allison¡¯s look of determination faltered as it was quickly spoiled by a note of unease. ¡°Maybe. I¡¯m not used to seeing that look on someone¡¯s face after I kiss them.¡±


    ¡°What does it look like?¡±


    ¡°Regret.¡±


    Remy repressed an urge to flinch, not at all prepared to hear Allison guess at her thoughts so accurately. It took a moment for her to put the feeling aside long enough to realize that, given the context, Allison¡¯s accurate reading of Remy¡¯s emotions had most likely led to an inaccurate reading of their significance. Remy reached up to take Allison¡¯s hand, still held aloft in a threatening pose.


    ¡°You¡¯re half right. I don¡¯t regret thinking or feeling it. I just¡­I¡¯m surprised that I said it.¡±


    Smiling, Allison turned her back and collapsed against Remy, releasing a sigh that sounded like relief. ¡°Sorry. I guess I jumped the gun a little.¡±


    Feeling just as much relief herself, Remy gave a gentle laugh as she wrapped her arms around Allison. ¡°Didn¡¯t I say something about apologizing and some get-even?¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyes suddenly went wide as she turned her head to look up at Remy from the corner of her eye. ¡°That¡¯s right! I still owe you one!¡± She slipped one of her arms from beneath Remy¡¯s and began to poke blindly behind her. ¡°Hold still, would you?¡±


    Her earlier worries completely forgotten, Remy laughed cheerfully as she dodged Allison¡¯s flailing and poking. Taking shelter on Allison¡¯s opposite side, she gave another chuckle as she pulled Allison closer to her. ¡°Nope. I earned that one. We¡¯re even, if you think about it.¡±


    ¡°Like hell!¡±


    Dropping her feigned anger, Allison joined in with Remy¡¯s laughter with a fit of giggling of her own. As she made another half-hearted attempt on Remy¡¯s nose, Remy ducked and hid near Allison¡¯s shoulder. As she did, she felt something touch her lips and realized a moment too late that they had just brushed against Allison¡¯s neck. She may not have given it any thought if it hadn¡¯t been for the fact that Allison¡¯s entire body went as rigid, so still that it was apparent that she wasn¡¯t even breathing. Just as Remy was realizing that something about the mood had suddenly changed, Allison¡¯s body went from rigid to limp, feeling as if she was melting in Remy¡¯s arms. Holding her so closely, Remy could feel Allison¡¯s pulse racing just beneath her skin. Her own heart began to hammer as if trying to keep pace with Allison¡¯s. There was a silence that seemed to go on for hours as Remy held perfectly still, moving forward and stepping back both terrifying her in equal measure.


    ¡°Mind if I don¡¯t guess this time?¡±


    Remy had to stop herself from breathing a sigh of relief at the sound of Allison¡¯s unsteady voice as it finally broke what felt like a stalemate between them. ¡°N¡ªno¡­no, not at all.¡±


    Allison took several deep breaths before speaking again, her voice now sounding a bit closer to normal but still not entirely even. ¡°What do you want to happen right now?¡±


    There was a long silence as Remy considered the question, repeating it to herself again and again but getting no closer to an appropriate answer. Again, any direction she chose seemed too fraught with peril for the risk to be justified. In spite of her intent to not guess, Allison seemed to easily determine the cause of the hesitation.


    ¡°Don¡¯t try to think of what the right answer is. Just¡­want something.¡±


    Remy¡¯s mind seemed to be desperately trying to return to turning on itself and getting nowhere, but Allison had once again effortlessly cut through the confusion. Feeling softness in her arms and pressed against her, the fragrance of pears and jasmine filling her nose and the sound of Allison¡¯s voice still ringing sweetly in her ears, Remy¡¯s senses were too overwhelmed with sensations she wanted for there to be any room left for anything she didn¡¯t. For what may have been the first time, she was able to put conscious thought aside entirely, and even the less pleasant unconscious ones seemed to have no power over her. As if her body was being steered by someone else, Remy was only vaguely aware that she was moving forward as she pressed her lips to Allison¡¯s neck.


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    ¡°I know that it¡¯s¡ªoh! Oh¡­¡±


    Whatever Allison had been thinking, it was lost as she felt Remy¡¯s lips press against her. Following a sharp inhale as she gasped, her words trailed off and were lost to a long, soft moan as Remy kissed her. Her hand reached behind her again, this time finding Remy far more gently than she¡¯d been pretending to be trying to moments earlier. Her palm caressed Remy¡¯s cheek, then trailed upward before tangling her fingers in Remy¡¯s hair. She tilted her head further to one side as she pulled Remy into her, her breathing becoming deeper and nearly as frantic as her racing pulse.


    ¡°Remy¡­¡±


    Somewhere in Remy¡¯s mind, she briefly acknowledged the change in Allison¡¯s tone. The sound was unfamiliar to her, but she seemed to instinctively understand its significance. It was a sound not entirely removed from desperation, a sense of urgency that became more intense every time Allison said her name. Her earlier hesitation a distant memory from what may as well have been another lifetime, Remy¡¯s kisses grew in intensity along with Allison¡¯s desire for them. As her tongue caressed Allison¡¯s delicate skin, Remy felt a final act of desperation from her worries and memories, a pang of fear that tried to make her question her actions once again. When Allison moaned her name again, however, it couldn¡¯t have been more clear to her that she couldn¡¯t bring herself to care anymore.


    It wasn¡¯t until she heard a faint giggling that Remy was finally able to tear herself away from the present, her curiosity finally having gotten the better of her. Allison, still holding the back of Remy¡¯s head, sighed softly as her arm went stiff. Though she was allowing the pause, she clearly didn¡¯t intend to let Remy wander far.


    ¡°I¡­I was¡­just thinking that I should start asking you what you want more often.¡±


    Remy chuckled as she rested her chin on Allison¡¯s shoulder. The logic certainly followed, but her mind was too intoxicated by Allison¡¯s fragrance to know why it had worked. ¡°I wish I could make promises, but wanting things is still new to me.¡±


    ¡°But you do want¡­?¡±


    ¡°You?¡± Remy chuckled again, the thought that anything else might be the case sounding utterly absurd. ¡°More than you know. More than I can even tell you.¡± Remy gave Allison¡¯s neck another quick peck and, as she pulled away, she noticed a faint red mark where her . ¡°I think might be able to show you, though.¡±


    ¡°Oh?¡± Allison turned to glance at Remy from the corner of her eye, a mischievous smirk taking shape on her lips. ¡°Care to share how, exactly?¡±


    As much as Remy wanted to play along, her sense of responsibility was slowly returning to her along with her senses and had immediately begun screaming at her to address what she¡¯d just seen. As if speaking in agreement, the faint red mark on Allison¡¯s neck was rapidly becoming a violent crimson.


    ¡°I¡­think I already have. You¡­um¡­might want to wear your hair down for a while.¡±


    Allison¡¯s look of mischief slowly faded into confusion, and then quickly shifted toward recognition. Her eyes went wide with surprise, and her cheeks began to take on a similar color to her neck. Her smile, however, only grew wider.


    ¡°Nah. I¡¯m showing it off.¡±


    Remy sputtered as Allison rested her back against her again, laughing softly at Remy¡¯s shock. It was no surprise that Allison¡¯s attitude about it would be more relaxed, but her reaction was the last thing Remy expected. ¡°You¡­but¡­why? What are you going to say when someone asks about it?¡±


    With gentle laughter and a contented sigh, Allison pulled Remy¡¯s arms around her like a shawl. ¡°What else? I¡¯ll tell them my girlfriend gave it to me.¡±


    No matter how much she tried to convince herself that it must be a joke, nothing about Allison¡¯s demeanor supported the thought. Her natural determination, something entirely separate from the brave front she¡¯d put up earlier, was something that Remy had quickly become familiar with hearing. It almost felt like a necessity to be able to know it when she heard it, like the sound of a truck¡¯s air horn warning her to clear the way. It was too admirable to not be immediately recognizable, even if Allison¡¯s current intentions were baffling.


    ¡°But¡­but won¡¯t that cause problems? What about work?¡±


    Allison shrugged playfully. ¡°That¡¯s the one place where I can¡¯t hide it. I can¡¯t have my hair down in the kitchen. Food safety and all that.¡± With another giggle, she added, ¡°I guess I don¡¯t have any choice. I¡¯ll just have to explain to everyone how my date with my girlfriend went¡­well, I guess I won¡¯t have to do all that much explaining. Something tells me they¡¯ll figure it out for themselves soon enough.¡±


    In the face of Allison¡¯s good cheer, even Remy¡¯s strongest unconscious opposition to happiness began to waver. She still couldn¡¯t imagine having the conversations that Allison would have to endure, much less looking forward to them. It was only Allison¡¯s experience with such matters and her complete lack of concern that allowed Remy to relax enough to put the matter aside.


    ¡°I guess I still have a lot to learn about how all of this works.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you worry about that.¡± Allison began to gently stroke the back of Remy¡¯s hand, a simple gesture that did far more than she likely realized to ease her mind. ¡°We¡¯ve both got things to learn. We¡¯ll get there together. Actually¡­that reminds me.¡± She again turned her head slightly to peer behind her at Remy, her expression curious. ¡°I meant to ask earlier, but¡­I¡¯m going to guess that wanting things is harder for you than I realized.¡±


    The thought was too sobering to be denied. Remy was almost surprised that she didn¡¯t have to give it any significant thought before she agreed. ¡°You and me both. I think that¡¯s why I started backsliding earlier. It¡­it started to become too real.¡±


    ¡°What did?¡±


    ¡°The fact that I was getting something I wanted. It¡¯s almost like I¡¯ll jinx myself if I admit that I want something and that will make sure it doesn¡¯t happen. I think that¡¯s why I panicked when I said it out loud.¡±


    ¡°What?  That you¡¯re my girlfriend?¡±


    When Allison¡¯s playful teasing turned into laughter, Remy couldn¡¯t stop herself from laughing along with her. Hearing Allison repeat the assertion so confidently with a note of what sounded like pride was as reassuring as her touch. Remy gave her shoulder a soft kiss out of gratitude as much as affection. ¡°Yes, that I¡¯m your¡­your girlfriend. I keep feeling like I¡¯m going to say or do the wrong thing that will make you change your mind sooner or later, and that felt like my last chance to screw it all up somehow.¡±


    Allison went quiet for a moment before responding, her voice slightly more stern. ¡°Well, let¡¯s say it was your last chance. It came and went, and I still want you.¡±


    ¡°Yeah¡­that does seem to keep happening.¡±


    ¡°Mmm hmm. It¡¯s almost like I just want to be with you or something.¡±


    Remy huffed in frustration, more with herself than anything else. It was strange how it could seem so obvious, but those same feelings could continue to gnaw at her every time she let her guard down. Even in that moment, she could still feel them at the edges of her thoughts, plotting her demise and attempting to pull her back down to their level. She wasn¡¯t beyond their reach but, with Allison so close and refusing to allow her to fall, their bite was barely enough to draw her attention. As with everything else, they paled in significance when compared to Allison.

 Toward the Horizon, Hand in Hand (The Former Part)

    As she sat peacefully in Remy¡¯s arms, Allison¡¯s head was still spinning. It was an almost drunken feeling, her thoughts and emotions whirling around her too quickly for her to take note of them aside from acknowledging them as pleasant. There were recollections of the evening so far, sensations still lingering on her skin along her neck and, seemingly as a result, thoughts of Remy. It was difficult to be certain, though. It seemed that no matter how full her mind was, there was always room for thoughts of Remy.


    Somewhere in the swirling torrent in her mind, there was a brief flickering coming from a thought so far removed from the others that it was almost alien in its nature. After a moment of focus, her stomach soured with the recognition of not a memory of the evening, but rather of the distant past. She pushed it aside as soon as she recognized it, but not quickly enough to avoid remembering those final days before leaving home for the last time and declaration being shouted at her. More out of desperation than sadness or anger, they¡¯d formed a united front and stood together, swearing again and again that she would never find happiness and that her path would lead her to ruin as if attempting to place a curse on her. Even in her annoyance and disgust as she dispelled the memory, there was a moment of sympathy for Remy as Allison wondered how she could deal with such constant interruptions of her happiness.


    As if she knew that Allison was thinking about her, Remy leaned forward and placed a kiss on Allison¡¯s jaw before giving a contented sigh and resting her head on her shoulder. Seemingly as a reflex, Allison pulled Remy¡¯s arms tighter around her as she pressed her back into Remy¡¯s chest. In a way, it felt as if months had passed between them rather than hours when thinking about how quickly she¡¯d become comfortable with placing her heart in Remy¡¯s hands, no longer even questioning its safety in her care. It was difficult to imagine that it was earlier that same day that she had to be convinced to even meet with Remy for fear that those same hands would push away that same heart. Again, Remy seemed to be accepting a silent cue as Allison felt gentle pressure around her waist, the simple and silent gesture of no more than a hug confirming Allison¡¯s beliefs in just the right moment. Suddenly, it stood to reason that it had been so easy to place her faith in Remy when, thinking about not only the evening up to that moment but every other moment they¡¯d shared together. In all of that time, Allison couldn¡¯t think of a single example of when her faith in Remy had not been rewarded.


    Oh! Oh¡­I guess that makes sense, after all.


    Allison had nearly forgotten her curiosity about why her mind seemed to betray her in briefly forcing her to relive the past she¡¯d worked so hard to leave behind her. It wasn¡¯t until that moment when a flash of inspiration hit that brought the solution that she remembered having attempted to solve the mystery. Looking at the past again while using the present as a lens, it immediately ceased to be the source of agony that she¡¯d recoiled from touching as though it had burned her. The curse they¡¯d attempted to place on her, the chant led by the latest future husband that had been chosen for her, was nothing short of laughable as it feebly bounced off of the protection that Remy¡¯s affection granted her.


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    Remy was the latest in a long series of pieces of evidence of her thriving in spite of the expectations and wishes of those who opposed her, but she was also the greatest of them. Somehow, Remy brought all else into focus and, for the first time, it was becoming clear to Allison that she¡¯d obtained what she¡¯d left home with the hope of finding. More than that, though, Remy was the crown jewel in that collection, the one missing piece that was the most coveted. With Remy by her side, Allison could finally begin to stand above the past and look down as it desperately clutched at what was now far beyond its reach. She thought of all of their claims of superiority, from the moral to the logical to the inherent, and it slowly dawned on her that they knew the entire time that she didn¡¯t need them. They needed her, and it was their desperation for her that caused them to lose her. It was the first time she could remember thinking of anyone from her past and feeling anything like justice.


    ¡°Well, that¡¯s a happy face. What¡¯s on your mind?¡±


    Shaken from her thoughts by Remy¡¯s voice, Allison realized for the first time just how widely she was smiling. With the mood finally calm after so much time spent recounting the horrors of the past, a reflex not far removed from panic urged her to not spoil it by trying to voice everything she¡¯d been thinking, something ultimately elating but requiring an unpleasant explanation for context. Turning to look behind her and seeing Remy¡¯s placid expression tinged with curiosity, it seemed to be confirmation that her happiness took priority.


    ¡°Nothing.¡±


    Oh¡­so that¡¯s what that feels like.


    In spite of her intentions, Remy¡¯s face rapidly took a turn that made Allison think of looking up at the sky to see telltale signs of a coming storm in spite of the sunshine. Remy¡¯s gaze became piercing as she attempted to uncover what it suddenly seemed foolishly hopeless to try to hide from her. She didn¡¯t look upset, but she clearly knew that there was more to the moment than she was being told. More than that, it was equally clear that she wasn¡¯t going to simply ignore it. Allison felt a sense of unease that was immediately followed by guilt as she wondered how many times she¡¯d given Remy the same look. Ultimately, she couldn¡¯t help smiling again, thinking that it wasn¡¯t long ago that a situation like this would¡¯ve annoyed her. Instead, it was confirmation that her faith in Remy was well placed, feeling a sense of security from falling under Remy¡¯s watchful gaze. For the first time in longer than she could remember, Allison felt safe.


    With no small amount of difficulty, Allison pulled herself free of Remy¡¯s arms and slowly stood from the couch. Inspiration had struck again, this time leading her to explain her thoughts while hopefully preserving the mood that she hoped would never end. Turning to Remy, Allison took her hand and gently pulled her to her feet before leading her across the living room and toward the sliding glass doors leading to the balcony.


    ¡°Alright, you win. Come with me and I¡¯ll tell you all about it¡­but there¡¯s something I want to show you first.¡±

 Toward the Horizon, Hand in Hand (The Latter Part)

    ¡°Where are we going, exactly?¡±


    Remy smiled at herself, surprised by how out of character the question was for her. It was the first time she could remember having bothered to ask a question without caring about the answer. It truly didn¡¯t matter what Allison said in response; Remy just wanted to be wherever she was. She wasn¡¯t sure if it was the emotional roller coaster that the last several hours had been or if all of the wine had more of an effect than she¡¯d first thought, but she was oddly at peace with the world. The errant thoughts that threatened to drag her back to past trauma or attempted to inspire new fear could never be escaped, but she was far enough ahead of them to feel safe in turning her conscious thoughts elsewhere. As was most often the case, Allison became their focus, and the vague curiosity about her sudden change of plans was likely purely a result of the fact that Remy had no interest in anyone or anything beyond her.


    Seemingly somewhat out of sorts herself, Allison turned back toward Remy with a nervous smile. She seemed to be excited about something suddenly, but visibly putting effort into containing it. ¡°It¡¯ll be easier to show you. Come on.¡±


    Allison gave Remy¡¯s hand a gentle squeeze before pulling her toward the sliding glass doors again, the sense of urgency unmistakable despite her equally clear attempt to remain calm and casual. Again, Remy smiled when she thought about it as she realized just how much she¡¯d learned about Allison in such a short time. She took mental notes on Allison the same as she did any time she found herself in regular contact with someone, but there was a wealth of subtle nuances that she¡¯d discovered throughout the evening that couldn¡¯t be pulled from occasional casual conversation. It was one thing to come to the conclusion that Allison wasn¡¯t the kind of person to hold back, but knowing her well enough to understand the significance behind the moments when she did was another matter altogether. Allison¡¯s desire to close the distance between them by understanding Remy¡¯s subtle changes of expression was quickly becoming easier for Remy to understand as, the more she came to understand the significance of the various facets of Allison¡¯s personality, the more she cherished them. That want was quickly becoming a need, something that Remy understood instinctively.


    As the door slid open, Allison again began impatiently pulling Remy along as she stepped through it and onto the balcony. As Remy stepped into the night air, she took a deep breath out of habit. Finally finding herself so far from everything she¡¯d ever known, she was closer to peace than she could remember ever having been. She drank in every detail about the place that her senses could perceive like wine, appreciating them both for what they were and the fact that they were a world away from what she¡¯d escaped. The first thing to catch her attention was the air, lighter and easier to breathe despite being even closer to the ocean than before. She often wondered if it was just that there wasn¡¯t as much of a burden on her heart anymore, often feeling like a weight crushing the air from her lungs before she¡¯d managed to escape Louisiana. Even still, that didn¡¯t account for the fragrances in the air, salt water mingling with the perfume of the towering evergreen trees and the nectar of more violets than she¡¯d ever seen in one place. She often spent her free time leaning against open windows and breathing deeply, appreciating the missing weight as her lungs filled with the reminder that she¡¯d finally found a place to call home.


    ¡°W¡ªwell¡­this is it. My happiness.¡±


    Remy began to wonder how much responsibility the wine had for her state after all when her mind sluggishly began to process what she was seeing. She looked to Allison at first, but gained no context as Allison was only looking back at her with the same barely contained excitement and pointing out into the night. Remy slowly started to turn toward where Allison was pointing, at a complete loss as to what she was missing.


    ¡°Your¡­happiness? What do you mean by¡ª?¡±


    Remy cut herself off as her mind finally slipped into gear and answered her question for her. She could only stand there in silence, her lips slightly parted as she found herself looking down a hill at nearly the entirety of Violet Meadows. The windows of the few in the sleepy town still awake in the distance glowed in the darkness like fireflies, and street lamps illuminated the paths through the town all the way to the black waves rolling in on the shore. From where she stood, Remy could take in every detail of her surroundings that she savored all at once. It was then that she understood in an instant why Allison called it her happiness. For all of their differences, it seemed that they tended to have the most important things in common.


    As Remy struggled to find the right words for the situation, Allison wrapped her arms around her and rested her head on Remy¡¯s shoulder. Still looking at the view below, she began to speak, suddenly sounding far less excited but far more nervous.


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    ¡°This¡­this is probably going to sound really dumb¡­¡±


    Already having strong suspicions about where the conversation was going, Remy returned Allison¡¯s hug and kissed the top of her head. ¡°It won¡¯t.¡±


    ¡°How can you be so sure?¡±


    ¡°If you were going to sound dumb, I¡¯d think it would¡¯ve happened by now.¡±


    Even in the dim sepia glow of the street lamps, Remy could see the color coming to Allison¡¯s cheeks. ¡°Which brings me to why I wanted you to see this.¡±


    ¡°The fact that you¡¯re definitely not dumb?¡±


    Allison laughed softly as she held Remy closer. ¡°More the fact that you¡¯re always there when I need you¡­even the little things.¡± She began to smile widely as she pointed into the darkness toward something that Remy couldn¡¯t quite make out. ¡°There. That¡¯s where I go to work every single morning. The one thing that I wanted for myself more than anything else is right there.¡±


    Straining her eyes, Remy could just barely make out several landmarks that helped her get her bearings. ¡°Oh¡­oh, yeah. There¡¯s the boulevard, so¡­that¡¯s the shore road. Huh.¡± She could tell that there was much deeper meaning to the moment than simply giving her a tour of the city, so she wanted to say more. Still, it was difficult to tear herself away from just how impressive the view was.


    She moved her hand slightly, her finger pointing at another indistinguishable shape in the night. ¡°And there¡­that¡¯s the gas station where I stopped right after I came into town for the first time. I was exhausted and lost and¡­well, to be honest, scared out of my mind. I¡¯d just left Vegas with everything I owned stuffed into my car and it was finally starting to sink in that I hadn¡¯t just burned the bridge home. I¡¯d nuked it from orbit.¡±


    Remy smirked, the words coming out of her before she could even think to stop them. ¡°It was the only way to be sure.¡±


    With a giggle, Allison held Remy a little tighter. ¡°I really can count on you for the little things. Anyway, I¡¯m pretty sure I was on the verge of a panic attack, and¡­that¡¯s when I met Ember. She was working there at the time and¡­well, I guess it wasn¡¯t hard to tell that I needed a shoulder to cry on. I was a mess. She bought me a burrito and just sat there and listened to me for hours. She hasn¡¯t worked there in over a year, but I still go there a few times a week for the burritos. They¡¯re terrible.¡±


    Even though Allison was smiling, Remy was pretty sure that it was more about the memory than anything else so she suppressed the urge to laugh. ¡°That¡¯s not the first time you¡¯ve mentioned her. I¡¯m starting to get curious.¡±


    Allison continued to smile, though there was a note of sadness beginning to make itself apparent. ¡°I¡¯d say you should meet her, but she¡¯s hard to track down. She doesn¡¯t know how to sit still. More often than not, you¡¯ve got a better chance of finding Bigfoot riding a unicorn.¡± Without warning, her excitement returned as she again pointed into the darkness. ¡°Oh, and there! That¡¯s¡­well¡­¡±


    Remy didn¡¯t have to try very hard to guess where she was pointing this time. Following the coastal road she took to work every day, it didn¡¯t take much effort to know what Allison was thinking about. Rather than bothering to confirm her suspicion, she gave Allison¡¯s cheek a quick kiss. ¡°I wasn¡¯t expecting to make such an important list.¡±


    Reaching up to Remy¡¯s cheek, Allison pulled her down to return the favor to her lips before continuing. ¡°Twice, actually. Over there¡­¡±


    Pointing down again, the clearest thing visible was the light coming from the park and the illuminated wisteria tree in the center. When she strained, Remy could just barely make out the bench where they¡¯d met earlier in the evening. ¡°I guess that¡¯s what I¡¯m getting at. From here, I can see all of the places and people that are¡­not just the most important things to me. This is my entire world¡­and that includes you now. To be honest, it¡¯s included you for a while.¡±


    There was a long moment where Remy desperately searched for the words to express what she was feeling as the significance of what Allison had been trying to tell her finally began to sink in. She hadn¡¯t quite said it yet, which made sense for a number of reasons. Still, that made it just that much more difficult to know how to respond. Nothing she could say felt good enough, whether because it was inappropriate or because it just didn¡¯t convey enough. Just as she was beginning to feel frustrated with herself, however, inspiration suddenly struck her like a lightning bolt. There wasn¡¯t anything she could say, but that didn¡¯t mean that she couldn¡¯t reciprocate. Again, Allison¡¯s feelings began to make much more sense as Remy started feeling them herself, the sudden excitement that came with the inexplicable to take a bold leap forward gripping her and refusing to let go. Remy leaned forward, bringing her lips to Allison¡¯s and holding her there as the night air swirled around them. When they finally parted, Remy¡¯s determination had only grown.


    ¡°If it¡¯s okay¡­I have something I want to show you, too.¡±

 Guided by Starlight (The Former Part)

    For a moment, even Allison was surprised by the strength of her curiosity as Remy rushed back through the sliding glass door and into the living room. The emotions coursing through her were so chaotic and frantic, she was amazed that anything had managed to get her attention through it all. As she watched Remy locate her purse and then begin digging through it in something that looked like it was just short of panic, however, Allison couldn¡¯t help putting it all aside in favor of wondering once again what was going through her mind in that moment.


    Until Remy had suddenly excused herself, Allison was lost in a swirling torrent of emotions that, after the long evening of ups and downs, were passing by her too quickly to continue processing them entirely. She was blissful but, after such a long evening, she was also exhausted. As she was leading Remy to the balcony, Allison was overwhelmed with something not entirely removed from fear, but she was also being pushed forward by something that felt very much like hope. What she¡¯d just shown Remy was something that she¡¯d never shared with anyone, not even Lily. She¡¯d always been too embarrassed to admit to anyone exactly how much they meant to her, and she was too afraid of having those feelings rejected to push herself past that embarrassment. As was often the case, however, Remy was another matter entirely. Allison had given her more than ample opportunities to mishandle her heart at its most vulnerable, and each time she¡¯d used those opportunities to either flatly refuse or move to protect it instead. Not that Allison had any reason to believe that Lily or Ember or anyone else would do any different, but Remy had gone out of her way to prove herself. There was no more denying that the time had come to open the door for someone fully, and Allison had long ago decided to allow Remy through first.


    As much faith as she had in Remy by that point, Allison couldn¡¯t ignore her need for confirmation, either. As she waited for a reaction, the silence grew deafening. For those few seconds that seemed to drag on for days, she tried and failed too many times to count to read Remy¡¯s expression only to see deep and almost frantic thought, as though she was looking for the right words to say what she was thinking. It was just as the suspense was finally getting the better of Allison that Remy suddenly excused herself and ran back into the living room, adding a new layer of mystery to her already impenetrable thoughts.


    For a while, Allison felt ready to jump out of her own skin as the anticipation built to unbearable levels, only able to distract herself with how cute Remy could be on the rare occasions when she looked energetic about something. Allison watched her through the glass door, staring intently at her phone as if she was trying to burn a hole through it as she repeatedly jabbed its screen with her fingertip. There was a time when the sight would¡¯ve filled Allison with concern but, even though she couldn¡¯t always perfectly read what she was seeing, the time she¡¯d spent growing accustomed to Remy¡¯s grim expressions and the true emotions behind them made it easier to appreciate those emotions for what they truly were. Though her readings were still far from perfect, Allison looked past the focus and determination on the surface and saw how frantic her movements were, a world removed from her usual calm and graceful motions that looked as if each step she took was choreographed. The slight trembling was evident even from a distance, something that looked entirely out of place coming from hands typically as steady and precise as a surgeon¡¯s. Allison wondered if she was upset about something and, while she didn¡¯t look entirely happy, she didn¡¯t seem as if she was forcing herself, either. Removing her expression from the equation, it looked almost like excitement, like watching someone opening a gift.


    How does she not realize how cute she is?


    Before Allison could wonder any more, Remy suddenly turned on her heel and made her way back toward the balcony, moving so quickly that she looked as if she was just barely keeping herself from breaking into a sprint. Allison was so enthralled by the rare sight of Remy¡¯s being excited about something, she¡¯d nearly forgotten her curiosity until Remy came to a stop in front of her, holding up her phone and pointing its screen at her.


    ¡°H¡ªhere¡¯s the¡­um¡­here.¡±


    Allison squinted at the phone, both waiting for her eyes to adjust to the bright light and attempting to make sense of what she was seeing.  ¡°What is this? A boarding pass?¡± Looking over it again, it appeared to be for a flight to Toronto and, after doing some quick math, Allison realized that the date was several months before Remy arrived in Violet Meadows.


    With a quick nod, Remy took a deep breath. When she spoke again, her voice sounded a little more steady. ¡°It¡¯s from¡­well¡­the first time I tried to leave Metairie.¡±


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    ¡°First time?¡±


    ¡°Well, the first time I actually did something more than want to. I actually took steps toward it¡­came up with a plan. I knew where I was going, had money saved, got a passport¡­I even bought a plane ticket. This¡­I was supposed to be on this plane.¡±


    Allison¡¯s fascination quickly took a backseat to concern as she felt Remy¡¯s mood shifting, her excitement fading away and yielding to sadness. All that kept Allison from disrupting the moment with her need to bring an end to Remy¡¯s discomfort was the knowledge that if she was willingly taking herself back to such a dark time in her life, it was because there was something about it that she felt the need to share.


    ¡°What¡­went wrong?¡±


    ¡°I did.¡± Remy¡¯s mask remained firmly in place, but the sadness in her voice was unmistakable. ¡°Even after going through all of that, I was so¡­uncertain. I had so many doubts, wondering if I was making a mistake or giving up too early and¡­well, to be honest, I was scared. I didn¡¯t think I could make it on my own. I was still going to go, but the last straw was that I couldn¡¯t convince Madison to come with me. She was the one who came up with the idea of just starting over somewhere else, but when I started actually making it happen, she¡­¡±


    As hard as Allison tried to put aside the sudden welling up of hatred triggered by hearing that name again, there was no ignoring that there was now an entirely new reason for it. Even if it meant that Remy would¡¯ve been in another country with another woman and they never would¡¯ve met, there was no forgiving anyone who played a role in keeping her in what she could only think of as someone¡¯s idea of hell. It took all of her strength to keep herself from derailing the conversation to mete out some well deserved anger, at least entirely.


    ¡°So she got cold feet and decided to drag you down with her.¡±


    Much to Allison¡¯s surprise, Remy gave a weak smile at her assessment of the situation. ¡°It¡¯s complicated, but yeah. Something like that. I thought about still taking my flight myself, but¡­I just couldn¡¯t. I looked at that boarding pass every day until the minute it expired and the plane left without me. Then I looked at it every day after while everything was falling apart. I was mad at myself more than anything because I actually had a way out and was too scared to take it. It became a reminder of what happens when you let opportunities get away from you¡­and what happens when you trust people. I looked at it at least once a day to make sure I never forgot that.¡±


    Allison¡¯s anger vanished, her need for justice overtaken by the need to comfort. Even with everything she¡¯d learned about Remy and all of the weight on her soul, it never occurred to her that she was willingly shouldering an even heavier burden. She knew better than to think that she understood entirely, but Allison couldn¡¯t help thinking that it sounded as if Remy was torturing herself.


    ¡°I guess I¡¯m the one that said a bit too much this time.¡±


    Startled out of her thoughts by Remy¡¯s apologetic tone, Allison rushed to clear up the misconception. ¡°Well, you certainly sound like you¡¯re punishing yourself for something someone else did wrong, but no. I¡¯m just worried about you, that¡¯s all.¡±


    Again, Remy unexpectedly smiled in response. ¡°That¡¯s¡­kind of what made me want to show it to you. I didn¡¯t think about it until just now, but I haven¡¯t looked at it in¡­a while.¡±


    Allison suddenly had an urge to suppress a smile as the subtle shift in Remy¡¯s tone gave her a feeling of hope for where the conversation was going. ¡°How long, exactly?¡±


    Despite her sadness, Remy did her best to look lighthearted as she playfully shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m not entirely sure, but it wasn¡¯t long after some lady came into the produce department and turned the air blue because she couldn¡¯t find any pomegranates.¡± Remy glanced at Allison, and something in what she saw caused her to smile widely. ¡°It was the first time that I¡¯d found a flaw in my little plan¡­a fault in the logic, I guess. It wasn¡¯t as easy as just saying that nobody can be trusted anymore after¡­after I met you.¡±


    It was in that moment that Allison finally understood what Remy wanted her to see. It was reciprocation, an attempt to share something of significance with her that matched what Allison had shared herself only moments earlier. Closing the distance between them, Allison reached up and wrapped her arms around Remy¡¯s neck with an exasperated sigh as she smiled.


    ¡°You always have to try to make us even, don¡¯t you?¡±


    She pulled Remy¡¯s lips down to hers before she could respond, still smiling the entire time.  There were dozens of questions still unanswered that were floating in Allison¡¯s mind, but none of them were more important than her realization in that moment. What Remy wanted to tell her wasn¡¯t just about making them even, but about giving a piece of herself to her.

 Guided by Starlight (The Latter Part)

    It wasn¡¯t the first time that Remy had the feeling that she understood exactly how Allison felt but, as Allison finally pulled away from her and turned around to face the city below, Remy felt closer to Allison¡¯s thoughts than ever. Her pulse raced, pounding in her ears as she thought about everything she¡¯d just opened up and shared. Even an hour earlier, it would¡¯ve been unthinkable to even consciously think about that boarding pass herself, let alone speak about it with anyone else. It very nearly didn¡¯t happen at all, coming only after having argued both for and against the idea with herself too many times to count in the seconds leading up to walking away to find her phone. Even putting aside the fear of the surge of memories that came with even remembering that it existed, the thought of openly speaking of it was mortifying. She had no idea how it would be received, her best guesses as to a reaction ranging from pity to disgust. All of them seemed certain to sour the mood.


    In the end, it was only the fact that it was the most appropriate response that occurred to her that tipped the scales toward going through with it. Allison had revealed something deep within her that was sacred, and there was no doubt in Remy¡¯s mind that it wasn¡¯t easy for her to do so. Allison¡¯s nervous energy as she led the way to the balcony made perfect sense to Remy now that she had an idea of what kind of arguing she must have been doing with herself, as well. The sheer terror that came from trying to predict a response clashing with the overwhelming need to open her heart to someone she desperately needed to accept it was impossible to hide. Remy couldn¡¯t say that she was in complete control of her emotions but, for the first time that she could clearly recall since coming to Violet Meadows, she didn¡¯t care. It was amazing to her that anything could take precedence over her self control, though it didn¡¯t surprise her in the least to find that thing was Allison.


    As if to illustrate the point, even the turmoil over the last several minutes began to slowly take a back seat to thinking about Allison as she leaned against the railing and stared into the night. Remy couldn¡¯t help wondering what she was thinking as she looked on in silence, and an errant thought took advantage of the opportunity to sow chaos by reviving worries about how the story had been received. It was an odd sensation, however; the fear was familiar, but how feeble its sting felt was both surprising and refreshing. Even as the thought was forming, Remy¡¯s attention turned to Allison¡¯s posture, looking comfortable and relaxed. It proved disruptive enough for Remy to be able to focus on what she¡¯d already seen of Allison¡¯s reaction, and nothing about being held or kissed suggested anything remotely negative. It was as though Remy was seeing the world clearly for the first time, unhindered by her memories and the fears they spawned. It was a strange thought and a stranger sensation, and that alone made it difficult to trust any of it. At the same time, though, her newfound clarity made it easy to focus on things she would normally overlook in favor of those fears, namely Allison¡¯s own stated intentions and desires. Thinking about them now while freed of the burden of her own thoughts, Remy almost laughed at how clear her path ahead was becoming as she wondered if it really had been this easy all along and she¡¯d simply been too absorbed in her own thoughts to notice.


    Thinking about Allison¡¯s intentions and desires led Remy to remember one in particular: Just want something. It still felt reckless to the point of being dangerous, but knowing the true source of her concerns made it difficult to give them much consideration. Taking a deep breath to steel her resolve against her most intrusive thoughts, Remy began to step forward, once again pushed forward by nothing more than want. Approaching from behind, Remy reached out and wrapped her arms around Allison¡¯s waist, holding her close while looking out into the distance. Again bracing herself for any number of negative responses, she only heard Allison sigh with content as she leaned back against Remy¡¯s chest and, as before, seemed to melt in her arms.


    ¡°You sure have gotten bold.¡± When Remy went tense with shock, she laughed softly and added, ¡°I like it. Keep it up.¡±


    Hearing Allison¡¯s calm and soothing voice coupled with laughter, Remy released a breath that she didn¡¯t realize she was holding. ¡°I¡¯ll try, but I don¡¯t know if my heart can take it.¡±


    Another laugh followed before Allison could continue. ¡°Let me guess¡­you¡¯re wondering what I¡¯m thinking about?¡±


    You¡¯re getting better at reading my mind. ¡°The thought occurred to me.¡±


    There was another contented sigh as Allison continued staring out across the city. Remy tried to follow her gaze, but she didn¡¯t know the view from above nearly well enough to guess. It was only when she recognized something that had been pointed out to her earlier that she realized that she was looking at the coastal road leading to her store. As if confirming the suspicion, Allison finally spoke again.


    ¡°I was just thinking about how much I loved this view when I first came here. Even in Vegas, I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen so much all at once. There were more buildings and people, but¡­they were all just scenery. Parts of the background that made for a pretty picture, but that¡¯s all. Here, everything I see means something to me. It feels like there¡¯s more because everything I see matters. Since I met you, though¡­I can¡¯t believe how much bigger the picture is now.¡±


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    Just as when Allison first brought her to the balcony, Remy felt an urge to reciprocate by sharing something equally significant. This time, however, nothing especially important occurred to her. Feeling slightly frustrated with herself, she reciprocated in the only way she could in the moment and, giving Allison¡¯s waist a soft squeeze, she leaned forward and rested her head on Allison¡¯s shoulder. Much to Remy¡¯s surprise, Allison seemed to understand the significance of the gesture as she placed her hands on top of hers.


    ¡°So¡­has anything changed for you?¡±


    Again, Remy¡¯s mind raced for something that felt equally significant and failed to find anything of consequence. Relenting, she settled for simply being honest. ¡°I¡¯m bolder, apparently.¡±


    Allison giggled as she pressed the side of her face into Remy¡¯s hair. ¡°Careful¡­you¡¯re going to make me test that claim. Anything else?¡±


    Something in Allison¡¯s voice gave Remy the impression that she was looking for something in particular, but she couldn¡¯t guess what. Again, she settled for simply being honest. ¡°Well, I guess it¡¯s more than just being bold. It¡¯s what I¡¯m seeing myself doing with it. I¡¯m finding myself wanting to talk about things I normally don¡¯t even like thinking about just because I¡¯m with you. I¡¯m feeling things and not immediately wanting to turn them off. I actually want to feel them because I¡¯m feeling them with you. I didn¡¯t even think it was possible, but I¡¯m putting some unpleasant things about myself aside for once.¡±


    Allison was silent for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. ¡°If I¡¯m honest, I was a little worried about that, too. I used to wonder if I¡¯d ever see you not looking like you¡¯re either about to charge into battle or standing in front of a firing squad.¡±


    There was a concerning note of worry in Allison¡¯s voice, but something about the concern caused Remy to chuckle. ¡°It¡¯s a change for the better, I guess, but I don¡¯t really even care about that. I want to be a better person, sure, but¡­I want to be with you even more.¡±


    Again, Allison went silent and left Remy to guess at her thoughts. There was still no tension in her body or change in her posture that suggested anything negative. The only difference was that Allison was holding her hands a little more tightly as she pressed herself into Remy, seemingly trying to get closer to her despite the fact that there was no distance between them. Remy¡¯s senses were again overwhelmed by the sweet and delicate fragrance of pears and jasmine, and she felt as if she was noticing for the first time just how soft and warm Allison was. The feeling inspired Remy to again put her worries aside and simply exist in the moment, responding to what she saw rather than what she assumed. She placed a kiss on Allison¡¯s shoulder, and the shiver that ran through her seemed to be confirmation that she¡¯d again made the right choice.


    ¡°You know, I think I¡ª¡±


    In the middle of building toward what seemed to be something significant, Allison¡¯s words were cut off by a quiet yawn. For fear of distracting her from completing her thought, Remy suppressed the urge to laugh as she again wondered how everything about one person could be so cute. Somehow, the effort didn¡¯t go unnoticed.


    ¡°You¡¯re thinking it again, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Remy sighed, realizing immediately that there was no point in attempting to hide that particular thought. ¡°You¡¯re not making it easy not to, you know.¡±


    Though Remy braced herself for another argument and more jabs at her nose, Allison seemed to lack the energy for it. Her voice suddenly became quiet and slow, sounding as if she hadn¡¯t slept in days. ¡°As much as I¡¯d love to lose another argument to you, I don¡¯t have it in me at the moment. I didn¡¯t realize it until now, but it¡¯s been a long day.¡±


    For the first time in what felt like hours, Remy felt a pang of sadness in her heart when she realized that the evening was coming to a close. ¡°I¡­know what you mean. It¡¯s not really that late, but it¡¯s later than I¡¯m usually up. My day starts pretty early. Come to think of it, yours starts even earlier. I guess¡­we should call it a night. Want to pick this up again another night?¡±


    ¡°Like hell.¡±


    Remy stood up straight to look at Allison properly, searching for context to add to what she was hearing. ¡°What do you mean?¡±


    Allison initially responded by taking one of Remy¡¯s hands in hers as she stepped away and turned to face her. ¡°I want to spend more time with you and I¡¯m sleepy. I don¡¯t feel like choosing between them, so I won¡¯t. Come on.¡±


    Raising an eyebrow, Remy barely had time to process what she¡¯d heard before Allison began walking her, again leading her by the hand. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat? Where are we going?¡±


    ¡°To do both.¡± Allison made her way back to the sliding glass door as she pulled Remy along, seemingly unconcerned by anything other than her destination. ¡°We¡¯re going to bed. Pick this up another night, hell. We¡¯ll pick this up in the morning.¡±


    Remy could only smile as she followed Allison through the door and back into the living room. She was smiling at Allison, again at a loss as to how any one person could be so cute. At the same time, however, she was smiling at herself. She could feel the angry horde of thoughts at the edges of her mind, but they didn¡¯t seem to be able to find a way in. With Allison at its center, there simply wasn¡¯t room for much else. There was a long and difficult road ahead, but Remy had no doubt that she was at the beginning of a dramatic change for the better. With memories and fears all but falling silent, she could finally only see the path ahead.

 We Will Meet Again (The Former Part)

    ¡°Mmm¡­it¡¯s a fine day with you¡ª¡±


    Allison froze in place along with her usual morning greeting as she was turning under her duvet, a sharp pain suddenly manifesting in her chest as if she¡¯d just been stabbed in the heart. Only seconds earlier, her excitement was already building from the moment she¡¯d awoken at the thought of having Remy be the first thing she¡¯d see again that morning. As her blurry vision began to clear, however, she saw the other half of her bed empty. Her memories of the night before came back to her in an instant, and the dagger in her heart began to twist. Her blissful weekend was over, and the time had come for their lives to resume as scheduled. Leading separate lives, living in separate homes and sleeping in separate beds. She knew all along that it all had to come to an end at some point, but none of her attempts to prepare herself for that moment seemed to matter to the pain that came with seeing half of her bed cold and empty. With a frustrated sigh, she turned over again and shut off the alarm that had woken her before pushing herself out of bed. At the very least, trying to stay ahead of her thoughts was giving her far more energy than she usually had to spare so early in the morning.


    Sleep hadn¡¯t entirely left her, slowing her steps and causing her to stumble the entire time she dressed for work. Another grumble of frustration with herself came when she took off her fuzzy pajama pants and a worn t-shirt several sizes too large for her that she was almost certain had belonged to one of her brothers at one point. That alone should¡¯ve been a dead giveaway that Remy wouldn¡¯t be there to greet her; Allison would¡¯ve sooner gone to work dressed that way than she¡¯d have allowed Remy to see her in such a state. By that point, her laciest silk camisoles and panties were either with the laundry or still waiting to be worn, a distant memory now that there was nobody to allow to see them. There was some consolation to be found in dressing for bed with only comfort in mind, but not nearly enough for Allison¡¯s liking.


    Nearly dressed and ready to leave, Allison was on her way to check herself in the bathroom mirror one last time and stopped short as she caught sight of the sliding glass door in her living room. The night beyond was as black as ink, and the lights inside showed her reflection in the glass. For just a moment, she could almost see Remy in the reflection behind her, the stoic mask faltering in favor of confusion as Allison all but dragged her across the living room floor to the balcony. Allison smiled as she remembered that look of confusion as it slowly faded into anticipation that seemed to match her own, her heart hammering madly as she prepared to lay her soul bare. Looking back, it seemed foolish to doubt that it would end in any way other than it did but, at the time, all she could do was hope. It felt like such a simple thing to share in the present, but that was only after it was received and accepted. At the time, fear made it easy to forget that Remy wasn¡¯t as cautious with anything as she was with Allison¡¯s heart. Her eyes misting, Allison tore herself away from the reflection and the memory, her desperation to return to that moment already unbearable as she stood there alone.


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    Applying as much makeup as she dared before standing in the heat of a kitchen for the next twelve hours, Allison checked over her appearance one last time before pulling her hair into a chignon and pinning it into place. Inspecting herself again, she noticed several faint bruises along her neck now that her hair was no longer hiding them from view. While barely noticeable, closer inspection revealed that they became progressively darker as they trailed down to her collarbone. They marked the passing of time, the clarity of each showing when she¡¯d received them and how recently. The first from Friday night was all but gone, but more had followed as the weekend carried on. There was another from the next morning, one from the evening that followed, and at least two from the hours leading up to the moment they finally parted on Sunday evening. Quickly turning as scarlet as the marks had been when they were first left on her skin, Allison giggled as she reached for concealer.


    This was another moment that she knew was coming, but there was nothing like pain to come from thinking of it this time. Remy had warned her after the first, and had come quite close to convincing Allison to not make a habit of collecting them. All of her work had been undone by a single moment in which they¡¯d parted after a particularly passionate kiss and, trying to collect herself, a heavy breath from Remy blew past and tickled the skin along Allison¡¯s neck. That was the moment when Allison lost the ability to care, tangling her fingers in Remy¡¯s hair and pulling her closer as her conscious thoughts faded into obscurity. More warnings followed after the damage was again done, but Allison could only plead for more. The warmth that flooded through Allison at the sight of Remy¡¯s exasperated smile as she relented and began to playfully bite at the delicate skin was the second most powerful thing she¡¯d felt in that moment.


    As she was preparing to cover the marks, Allison stopped dead with the sudden realization that, for the first time since waking up that morning, she felt something other than sorrow or loss. The feelings were barely noticeable, buried under the weight of one of the most powerful memories she had of their time together. Allison stared at the marks on her reflection and smiled, a sense of gratitude now joining the building emotions she was trying to process. She had something to remind her of Remy and their time together that she could take with her, something powerful enough to push aside the incessant reminders that they were apart. Knowing that Remy would be beside herself when she found out and already working on a reasonable explanation for what she was about to do, she put the concealer down and left it on the counter as she headed for the door. The day would no doubt be filled with endless questions requiring obvious but long answers, but Allison looked forward to them all. A day filled with excuses to keep thinking about Remy was exactly what her heart needed most.

 We Will Meet Again (The Latter Part)

    For the first time that she could remember, Remy was at work and deliberately avoiding working. From the time she woke up until the time she was on her way to the parking lot at the end of the day, her thoughts were typically of nothing outside of what needed to be done and what was the most efficient means of doing it all. It was generally accepted by everyone familiar with her that she was incapable of relaxing, something that wasn¡¯t entirely inaccurate. Remy knew how to relax¡ªor, at the very least, she was familiar with the concept¡ªbut she knew better than to allow herself to do so. Suffering was only unpleasant until she could get used to it. After that point, it was simply a new normal, a natural state of being that could be tolerated as long as there was a clearly defined end to it. As long as everything she did along the way was a means to eventual rest as an end, relaxing was a matter that would resolve itself. Getting comfortable before that point was nothing more than a distraction from that goal.


    As she sat in her office and watched the sky continue to lighten as the sun continued its ascent, she wondered for the first time if she¡¯d made a mistake in not learning more about what to do with herself other than work when she had the chance. It was maddening to sit there with nothing to do with her hands as time dragged on so slowly that, on more than one occasion that morning, she¡¯d done a double take when looking at the clock as she was almost convinced that it was running backward. She¡¯d expected to return to work after her long weekend away to find a backlog of paperwork that would keep her busy, but there was absolutely nothing left from the weekend or the week leading up to it. Even the bulk of the work for the day ahead of her had been done already, leaving her waiting for a problem to come up just so she would have something to solve. For what felt like the hundredth time that morning, she simultaneously thanked and cursed Kate for whatever it was that she¡¯d done to get Jason to do anything more over the weekend than form unrealistic expectations.


    On a normal day, Remy would busy herself with walking the store and finding something in need of attention, both to keep herself busy and to keep anyone else from getting overwhelmed. After seeing the orderly state of her office and her nearly empty inbox, however, she wasn¡¯t surprised to find that nobody seemed to need anything. The store was running like clockwork, with everyone¡¯s seemingly having everything they needed before she¡¯d even arrived. The enthusiasm with which everyone had been proclaiming that they needed nothing from her made it immediately apparent that she had Kate to thank for that turn of events, as well. She wanted to be more appreciative and, while she was certainly grateful, she was also reminded of just how much she¡¯d been counting on coming back to a mountain of paperwork.


    Remy had been largely avoiding people since she arrived and, as she¡¯d expected, found only limited success. Not needing anything of Remy had proved itself to be a double edged sword; having no grave concerns to be addressed seemed to give everyone opportunities to find excuses to make minor requests and ask simple questions. None of it was troubling in the sense that it required any significant effort on her part, but all of it was nothing more than excuses to start conversations that always found a way to steer themselves in a single direction. On Friday, Remy had been theorizing as to just how deep the conspiracy to get her together with Allison ran. By the time she¡¯d returned on Monday morning, it was apparent that even her wildest speculation had been a gross underestimation. So far, nobody that she¡¯d spoken with all morning had missed an opportunity to ask how her weekend went. Most were wary enough of her to be conveniently vague and pose the question as being general in nature, but everyone who knew her well enough to know there was nothing to fear from her had been nothing short of relentless in their interrogations. It wasn¡¯t quite time for lunch yet and Remy was already exhausted.


    As if on cue, a knock at her office door served less as a request for attention and more as a precursor to having the door fly open so quickly that Remy briefly feared for the hinges. Turning to the door, Remy¡¯s heart sank as she saw Kate¡¯s smiling face, her eyes wide with excitement as she slammed the door shut while crossing the office, heading directly for Remy¡¯s desk. Pushing down the feeling of being a gazelle that had been unfortunate enough to catch the attention of a lioness, Remy sighed and resigned herself to the inevitable.


    It¡¯s not like I don¡¯t owe it to her. ¡°It went fine.¡±


    Kate looked slightly surprised by the feeble attempt to temper her excitement, but she didn¡¯t stay distracted for long. Her almost wildly cheerful expression didn¡¯t falter as she took a seat in front of Remy¡¯s desk. ¡°Details. Now.¡±


    Suppressing a laugh for fear of encouraging her, Remy struggled for only a moment to think of any words that would satisfy before giving up on it. ¡°I¡¯m not sure what to tell you. It¡­it went fine.¡±


    Kate huffed as she crossed her legs, her gaze burning into Remy as she leaned forward. ¡°Good to know. Now what happened?¡±


    Already knowing that it was pointless, Remy tried to recall the events of the weekend and report them in chronological order. It was all such a blur, however, that it was difficult to pull any single significant event from the jumbled pile of memories. In her mind, it was an incomprehensible web of interconnected moments too blissful to consider logically. She could only feel them all at once.


    ¡°We¡­we met in the park, we ate, we went to her apartment¡ª¡±


    ¡°You what?¡±


    Jumping at the sudden shouting, Remy tried to calm her racing heart at the same time she was trying to make sense of Kate¡¯s shift in expression, her smile somehow widening even more and her excitement now bordering on manic. ¡°It¡­it¡¯s not what you think! Well, not exactly what you¡­think¡­¡±


    Just as Remy was realizing that she¡¯d already painted herself into a corner and was trying to figure out how to continue, Kate¡¯s expression suddenly softened. ¡°Okay¡­okay, maybe this is all a bit much to process all at one time. Why don¡¯t you start with the most important part?¡±


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    ¡°What¡¯s that?¡±


    ¡°Are you happy?¡±


    Remy was taken aback by the question. In all of her attempts to find the right words to satisfy Kate, she hadn¡¯t considered even once why she was asking in the first place. Satisfying curiosity was surely at least part of the motivation, but Remy had never thought that Kate would be considering her happiness at all, much less as a priority. Before she could finish processing the thought, however, she was interrupted by another soft knocking on the door.


    ¡°It went fine!¡±


    Kate briefly looked startled by Remy¡¯s shouting before quickly standing and rushing to the door. Remy felt a pang of guilt hit her heart as the door opened and she heard someone quietly shuffling away across the concrete floor, and another hit as she heard Kate¡¯s voice suddenly take on its familiar soothing tone.


    ¡°Serenity? No¡­no, she¡¯s not angry, sweetie. Come on in. No, it¡¯s fine, I promise. She won¡¯t mind.¡±


    Guilt hit Remy¡¯s heart again as she saw Serenity, as white as a sheet and nervously looking down at the floor as Kate all but dragged her into the office. ¡°Serenity¡­I¡¯m sorry, I¡­¡±


    Hearing Remy¡¯s voice trail off, Kate took it as a cue to step in. ¡°It¡¯s just a stressful morning, that¡¯s all. I¡¯m sure everyone¡¯s been hounding her for details since she got here¡­actually, my hands aren¡¯t clean, either.¡± Kate pulled a chair next to hers and directed Serenity to it before returning to her own.


    Remy nodded, feeling ashamed of herself. ¡°That¡¯s true, but¡­that still doesn¡¯t excuse shouting at you.¡±


    Serenity shook her head so quickly, it seemed to be a reflex. ¡°No, don¡¯t¡­I mean, I did come to ask how it went. You just looked so nervous before you left, and when I saw you this morning you looked¡­happy.¡±


    Kate¡¯s eyes went wide again as she studied Serenity for a moment before quickly turning to Remy for confirmation. Seeing how much effort she was putting into restraining herself, Remy felt obligated to say something. Surprisingly, the exchange had made it easier to speak about the matter.


    ¡°I¡­I am happy. Thank you. We¡­we ended up spending the entire weekend together. We had dinner Friday night and then ended up going to her apartment and talking for most of the evening. The whole time, I just¡­didn¡¯t want it to end. Every time it seemed like I was supposed to be taking the hint and going home, she would find another reason to stay together a little longer and I couldn¡¯t resist. I ended up sleeping there Friday night, then we kept talking the next morning. That turned into breakfast, then lunch, then dinner again¡­it just kept going and I never wanted it to stop.¡±


    Remy looked up to see both Kate and Serenity staring at her, their eyes wide and lips slightly parted. Kate looked as if she was fighting herself to not speak, and Serenity¡¯s eyes were already becoming misty. Thinking about it, it was exactly what Remy expected of both of them. It took some time for the silence to be broken when Serenity¡¯s curiosity seemed to finally get the better of her.


    ¡°I¡­I know that feeling. You just can¡¯t let them go, right? Every time you try, it¡­it hurts.¡±


    Remy smiled as she nodded. ¡°This morning was the first time I woke up and she wasn¡¯t there. I thought I was going to be sick.¡±


    Serenity smiled as well, her excitement slowly beginning to show. ¡°You thought you dreamed the whole thing, didn¡¯t you?¡±


    At first, Remy could only nod as she looked down at her lap and tried to ignore the heat rushing to her face. ¡°It took me a minute to calm down enough to remember everything that happened.¡±


    ¡°You just want to go back, don¡¯t you?¡±


    ¡°I have work to do, and so does she.¡± Remy heard her words, the tone familiar as she spoke of responsibility and setting aside personal feelings in the interest of one¡¯s duties. Still, it sounded as if someone else was speaking them. ¡°But¡­yeah. I just don¡¯t feel like myself anymore when I¡¯m not holding her.¡±


    Kate looked as if she had finally lost the battle with herself and was about to let her excitement take control when they were all interrupted by the store¡¯s intercom. The soft music faded out and was replaced by Jade¡¯s voice, something that immediately filled Remy with a sense of dread. She was the only one who hadn¡¯t found her way to the office yet that morning, and the silence was deafening. Remy was sure she was up to something and, as the entire store was filled with the sound of her voice, it finally became clear what that was.


    ¡°Remy Dauphine? General Manager Remy Dauphine, please report to the customer service desk. Your incredibly cute girlfriend Allison is here, and she¡¯s cooked a very special lunch and brought it to you. Again, Remy Dauphine, you have a lunch date with your adorable girlfriend Allison. Please report to the customer service desk immediately. For your lunch date. With your gorgeous girlfriend who has made you lunch.¡±


    Both Serenity¡¯s and Kate¡¯s expressions turned toward abject horror as Remy slowly stood, her eyes fixed on the office door. She took a deep breath before storming toward it, the floor seeming to quake with every step.


    ¡°They¡¯ll never find her body.¡±


    Looking amused and concerned in equal measure, Kate quickly stood and walked backward, staying between Remy and the door. ¡°Now Remy, sweetheart, you know she¡¯s just teasing you¡­¡±


    Remy glared at the door as she continued to march toward it, growling her response. ¡°Actions have consequences, and Jade just moved on to the ¡®finding out¡¯ stage.¡±


    Both Kate and Serenity followed Remy through the store, attempting to reason with her while trying and only partially succeeding at keeping their laughter at bay. Remy never broke stride as she stormed toward the front of the store, hoping against hope that she was doing a better job of concealing her emotions than anyone else was. No matter how many times she swore retribution or openly questioned the legality of what she was about to do, the truth was that there was only one reason she was so determined to reach her destination. By the time she saw Allison across the store in front of the customer service desk, holding a picnic basket and blushing furiously, Remy had completely forgotten that Jade was there.

 When the Sun Sets

    Allison hummed cheerfully as she worked in the kitchen, dancing between pans on gas burners and the table where various ingredients and spices were carefully arranged. Her movements were as fluid and graceful as ever, but her usual actions performed almost entirely through muscle memory were regularly interrupted as she stopped to evaluate her next move before committing to it. Quickly glancing around to be certain that she couldn¡¯t be seen, Mari allowed herself to smile as she quietly watched. It had become a routine for the both of them; with the end of the regular rush of customers during the peak hours of lunch service, Allison would become noticeably more lighthearted than usual as she began preparing something special and Mari would watch through stolen glances while pretending to not notice anything out of the ordinary. A silent agreement between them had been reached to politely act as though neither of them knew the significance of what had been happening nearly every day for the past two months.


    Lily, however, had made a habit of making it clear that she¡¯d agreed to no such terms as she burst into the kitchen, looking every bit as cheerful but far more mischievous. With a noticeable bounce in her step, she made her way across the kitchen floor and stopped just behind Allison, stretching to stand as tall as she could to try to look over her shoulder.


    ¡°Croque madame?¡±


    Having long since gotten used to Lily¡¯s interest in her new lunch routine, Allison wasn¡¯t especially surprised to hear the musical voice coming from behind her while she was in the midst of preparing it. ¡°I¡¯m going with something a little lighter today. Remy¡¯s been getting sleepy before she can get home from work. I¡¯ll just make up the difference at dinner tonight.¡±


    Lily seemed to perk up even more at the response, something that briefly made Allison wonder just how much energy she truly had to spare.


    ¡°Dinner again? What is this, four times this week now?¡±


    Allison repressed the urge to sigh as it became apparent where Lily¡¯s energy was about to be directed. ¡°Only three that I¡¯ve made myself. She¡¯s cooked the other two.¡±


    ¡°Remy can cook?¡±


    Both Allison and Lily looked up with mild surprise just in time to see Mari staring intently at the beginnings of the Quiche Lorraine she¡¯d started making. Between understanding the surprise and seeing how hard Mari was trying to ignore the deep shade of red that was already flooding her face, Allison got the feeling that the kind thing to do was move past the moment.


    ¡°It¡¯s a little hard to imagine, I know¡­especially if you see how she is when I¡¯m not around. Normally, everything she eats comes out of a can or through a window. She¡¯s been trying lately, though. She¡¯s getting better fast, too¡ªnot that it¡¯s much of a surprise. I¡¯ve never seen her do anything she hasn¡¯t ended up mastering at some point.¡±


    Preoccupied with thinking about Remy, Allison didn¡¯t notice how wide her smile had gotten until she caught sight of Lily¡¯s and realized that she¡¯d just added fuel to that particular fire. As if unable to hold it back, Lily seized the opportunity to ramp up her teasing. ¡°Oh? Is that so? I wonder what inspired that?¡±


    Allison huffed as she fixed her face into what she hoped was a convincing portrayal of disinterest. ¡°No idea. Remy does what she wants to do. Half of the time, even she doesn¡¯t know why things catch her attention.¡±


    Lily¡¯s eyes narrowed, making it immediately apparent that Allison¡¯s efforts had been in vain. ¡°Honestly, mon chou, you¡¯re going to have to get over that little habit of yours one of these days.¡±


    ¡°What habit?¡±


    ¡°The one where you keep pretending that the two of you are just good friends and your absolute infatuation with each other is a complete mystery.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t you think you¡¯re reading too mu¡ª?¡±


    The futile denial was cut off by Lily, silenced as Lily flicked some parsley at her and hit her between the eyes. ¡°Non. Neither do you, for that matter. I don¡¯t believe for a moment that you¡¯re unaware that you two can¡¯t even stand to be away from each other. You¡¯re spending nearly every day together now and at each other¡¯s apartments almost every night. You practically live together.¡±


    Allison¡¯s heart skipped a beat. She certainly wasn¡¯t unaware, but she hadn¡¯t given the matter any more conscious thought than she absolutely had to, either. There was something peaceful about not thinking about things too much and simply allowing them to develop, but that made it hit just that much harder to be reminded of how far they¡¯d come. It was true that they¡¯d been devoting the majority of their free time to each other, their new lives settling into a comfortable orbit around each other. The mention of such a significant milestone, however, caused Allison to stop and question herself purely as a reflex.


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    ¡°Th¡ªthat¡¯s skipping a few steps, don¡¯t you think? I mean, it¡¯s only been two months¡ª¡±


    ¡°So you say.¡± Lily dismissed Allison with an impatient wave of her hand before beginning to help put the finishing touches on the croque madame. ¡°The fact remains that things are moving forward, whether you acknowledge them or not. You seemed happy enough with that before I brought it up, so why are you worried about it now?¡±


    Though she sounded slightly irritated, Allison didn¡¯t miss the note of concern creeping into Lily¡¯s voice that made it clear why she was really asking. It wasn¡¯t a rhetorical question. ¡°I¡­I don¡¯t know. I guess I just haven¡¯t really been thinking about it. I¡¯ve just been¡­doing it. It all felt natural, so I didn¡¯t see any reason to worry. I never had to think about it.¡±


    Catching the room¡¯s attention again with a deep breath, Mari looked as if she was bracing herself against the wind before speaking. ¡°If¡­if that¡¯s the case, then it sounds like there¡¯s nothing to worry about. If everything has felt right up to this point when you weren¡¯t thinking about it, then the only way it would be a problem is if you see one now. Do you?¡±


    Allison¡¯s thoughts came to a dead stop as she considered the question. Thinking back over the time she¡¯d spent with Remy since their first date, she couldn¡¯t think of a single example of what she would call a red flag. Despite the small voice in her head screaming its insistence that there was one to be found, all she could recall was a long and uninterrupted series of peaceful moments blissfully blending together.


    ¡°No, I¡­no. Nothing.¡±


    Lily clapped her hands together excitedly, unable to completely mask her relief. ¡°In that case, it sounds like nerves. All the more reason to keep things moving as they have been¡ªbefore you find an excuse to sabotage yourself. Again.¡± She seemed to notice Allison¡¯s slow build toward a counterargument and pressed on before it could take shape. ¡°I agree that it¡¯s too early to talk about taking that big of a step, but maybe we can find something in between.¡±


    Trapped between gratitude and frustration, Allison defaulted to the latter for the sake of saving face. ¡°I take it that means you have an idea?¡±


    ¡°More often than not.¡± Lily smiled widely as she turned to face both Allison and Mari, her eyes sparkling with excitement. ¡°Harvest season will be here soon, and that gives me an idea for a new promotion. I¡¯ve been in touch with some of the Willamette Valley wineries up north, and several have expressed interest in a bit of a collaboration. We promote their wines, and they promote us in return. Part of the arrangement is that you two have been invited to attend their annual harvests. You¡¯ll mingle with their guests, talk about how much you love the wine and¡ªmost important¡ªtalk about exactly how you intend to make use of them here.¡±


    As much as Allison loved the sound of the idea, she couldn¡¯t escape the feeling that she was missing something. ¡°What does that have to do with¡ª?¡±


    ¡°It will be a vacation!¡± Lily jumped as she shouted the words, clearly unable to contain herself any longer. ¡°Your first vacation with Remy! You and Mari will take turns visiting wineries and, when you go¡­well, there¡¯s no reason you can¡¯t take a plus one, is there? It¡¯s not quite moving in together, but it¡¯s a nice compromise, don¡¯t you think?¡±


    Allison couldn¡¯t think of many things she¡¯d rather be doing with her free time than touring wineries during the autumn harvest, but she couldn¡¯t honestly say what Remy would think about it. At the same time, though, any time she could convince Remy to spend doing anything outside of more work was typically a benefit for both of them.


    ¡°Well, it does sound like fun. What do you think¡ª?¡±


    Turning to ask for Mari¡¯s opinion, Allison was alarmed to see her going pale and looking as if she was about to be sick. It wasn¡¯t until that moment that she remembered that interacting with strangers was her idea of hell even under normal circumstances, let alone with a business arrangement hanging in the balance.


    ¡°Listen¡­this sounds more like Allison¡¯s kind of thing. Besides, I just got back into town, and¡­¡±


    Mari¡¯s voice trailed off as she caught sight of Lily¡¯s rapidly darkening expression. It was a look that everyone in the caf¨¦ knew well, the look of a disapproving mother who had already done all of the negotiating she intended to do on the matter. Not even Mari was immune to it. Allison knew that there was context she was missing, so it was difficult to know if this exchange between them was more about the upcoming trip or Mari¡¯s recent one. The only thing that Allison knew was that Mari had some personal business to attend to in California and, though Mari seemed a bit more peaceful since returning, it didn¡¯t sound at all pleasant. Both she and Mari seemed to be searching for the words to move the conversation past its standstill, but it was Lily who broke the silence.


    ¡°Don¡¯t worry. You won¡¯t be going alone, either, so there¡¯s going to be someone to help with the talking.¡±


    Mari¡¯s unease slowly shifted into suspicion. ¡°You don¡¯t mean¡­?¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ve talked to her about it. She¡¯s already deciding what to wear.¡±


    The suspicion in Mari¡¯s expression rapidly shifted to anger. ¡°You. Didn¡¯t.¡±


    Lily merely shrugged and began packaging the croque madame for transport. ¡°I did, and it will be fine. She¡¯ll need some coaching and background information, but stop worrying. She knows enough about wine that it won¡¯t take long to get her up to speed.¡± Glancing up at Mari again, Lily¡¯s expression and voice both softened. ¡°Really¡­stop worrying. Jade knows what she¡¯s doing.¡±


    Beginning to feel out of place, Allison quietly turned her attention to the salad she¡¯d started preparing. There was much that she didn¡¯t understand, and seeing the whirlwind of emotions Mari seemed to be experiencing that was culminating in her looking fearful and exhausted only gave Allison the impression that this was the wrong time to inquire further. She instead turned her thoughts toward her own business, an excitement beginning to build as she considered the next step she was about to take with Remy.

 And the Next Night Lies Ahead

    Remy closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as she sat leaning against the open window in her office. Despite the sun¡¯s being at its full height in the sky, the late summer breeze was tinged with a faint but noticeable chill as it made its way through the window and across her skin. Nobody else in Violet Meadows seemed to have noticed it but, having spent nearly her entire life bathed in subtropical warmth, Remy was especially sensitive to even the most subtle shifts away from sweltering heat. There was no mistaking the coming of autumn and she cherished every breeze with a gentle bite of cold and nearly imperceptible shift in color of a leaf, every one all but entirely alien to her. They were small but constant reminders of not only how far she¡¯d come, but also how far away the familiar truly was.


    As a nearby clock beeped to announce the top of the hour, Remy sighed in spite of herself. As much as she¡¯d been attempting to ignore it since she¡¯d arrived at work that morning, she couldn¡¯t entirely ignore the sense of loneliness that had been creeping at the edge of her thoughts. Glancing at the clock and seeing that it was finally noon, she grumbled at the arrival of her lunch hour the same way she would at the thought of any other task she¡¯d been avoiding. Frustration and a soft pain in her chest reminded her in spite of her efforts that it was the first time in weeks that she¡¯d be eating alone. With the upcoming winery tours just around the corner, Allison¡¯s schedule was becoming increasingly hectic with research, incessant meetings with owners, social media posts promoting the upcoming collaboration and a noticeable increase in traffic that was already resulting from the effort. Though she¡¯d done her best to manage it all, it was only a matter of time before there was more work to do than time to do it.


    Having predicted that outcome even before Allison, Remy was prepared with a brave face when Allison apologetically announced that she¡¯d have to miss their daily lunches for the rest of that week. She already hated that Allison had so much stress to endure; she wasn¡¯t about to add to it by showing her disappointment, especially when she knew that Allison was already feeling unnecessary guilt. In her efforts to open up more, Remy had utterly failed to hide just how much their time together meant to her. It was something Allison had said more than once that she wanted and, whether it was a result of the openness or simply the effort to create it, she seemed genuinely pleased that Remy had become so much more prone to sharing her feelings over the last three months. Seeing the sadness and regret in her eyes the previous evening over dinner as she canceled their plans, however, Remy questioned the wisdom of her decision.


    Taking another deep breath and reminding herself that their usual dinner date was only hours away, Remy made her way out of the office only to be startled as she opened the door. Serenity stood just on the other side, her hand raised as if she was just about to knock and looking even more unsettled than Remy felt.


    ¡°S¡ªsorry! Leaving! I¡­I mean¡­lunch.¡±


    Pushing her surprise aside, Remy raised an eyebrow as she tried to make sense of what she was hearing. In addition to being easily startled, Serenity was very nervous in general and, when upset, was often difficult to follow. ¡°Deep breath, Serenity. Take your time¡­there¡¯s no hurry.¡±


    Closing her eyes and inhaling sharply, Serenity took a quiet moment to center herself. When her eyes opened again, she no longer looked frightened but seemed every bit as disturbed, her fear quickly yielding to embarrassment. ¡°Sorry¡­I mean, are you¡­um¡­leaving for lunch?¡±


    Remy was curious for a moment, unable to fathom what interest Serenity would have in her lunch but unable to shake the feeling that there was a reason she was asking. It only took a moment of considering her precise timing and seeing how far out of her comfort zone she was for Remy¡¯s curiosity to turn into suspicion. ¡°Yes, I was just on my way out¡­but I¡¯m guessing you already knew that.¡±


    Remy had no idea what her face looked like in that moment, but Serenity¡¯s reaction told her everything she needed to know about it. She began visibly trembling, and her eyes darted from side to side, giving away her thoughts of abandoning the conversation and running away. Remy sighed loudly before she could stop herself, already exasperated with the situation as it was exactly why she avoided dealing with Serenity directly. It wasn¡¯t a matter of dislike; in fact, it was quite the opposite as Remy was rather fond of her. It was more a matter of fear. It was well known that Serenity was easily disturbed and had a heart of glass, and it led Remy to think of her as a porcelain doll on display. She didn¡¯t trust herself to take her out for fear of accidentally breaking her so, no matter how fond of her she may be, she saw it best to simply leave her in her case where she was safe. Until that moment, the fact that Serenity avoided her just as much led to the idea that she¡¯d made the right call.


    Feeling the situation quickly spiraling out of her control, Remy reminded herself that she was the boss, and that meant that she had responsibilities. It made it easier to clear her thoughts of everything but the problem at hand and start making decisions. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to accuse you of anything¡­even though I definitely just did. What I should¡¯ve asked was why you¡¯re asking.¡± Thinking for a moment, Remy added, ¡°I should also be asking who put you up to this.¡±


    Looking slightly more calm but still giving the impression that she may break into a sprint at any moment, Serenity extended her trembling hand and showed her phone¡¯s screen. ¡°I¡­I mean¡­Kate¡­¡±


    I don¡¯t even know why I bothered to ask.


    The list of people likely to get involved in Remy¡¯s life was long enough to warrant investigation, but few would take it as far as involving Serenity. It was a poorly kept secret that the two of them tended to avoid each other¡¯s paths, so whoever was behind it wouldn¡¯t have done so without a good reason as well as absolute certainty that it would end well. Cautiously taking the phone for fear of upsetting Serenity more, Remy quickly read through the most recent text message on the screen.


    Just ask her to have lunch with you. It will do you both some good. Don¡¯t worry, she likes you. She¡¯ll say yes.


    Remy just barely managed to repress the groan that was building within her. Since the first date with Allison, she was officially out of excuses for doubting Kate¡¯s wisdom no matter how forcefully she imparted it. Kate certainly fit the profile that Remy had built of her suspect; nobody that knew either her or Serenity knew them as well as Kate, and there was no denying that she had their best interests at heart. More than that, Remy had never known her to be so forceful and turn out to be wrong. Fighting herself to speak without grumbling, Remy returned Serenity¡¯s phone and turned toward the time clock again.


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    ¡°Well, let¡¯s get on with it. Just do me a favor and tell her that I fought you on it.¡±


    As Remy started walking, Serenity stared blankly for a moment before rushing to catch up. ¡°Wh¡ªwhat? Why?¡±


    ¡°I already can¡¯t get around admitting that she¡¯s right. I don¡¯t want to go down easy, too.¡±


    Several minutes later, Remy and Serenity were sitting at a table in the store¡¯s deli and waiting in silence for their orders. Though she normally appreciated silence to the point of complaining about anything else, it was driving Remy mad when the tension in the air was so thick. Unable to take any more waiting for the other shoe to drop, she went entirely against her instincts and broke the silence just to get to the inevitable.


    ¡°So was this just about doing Kate a favor, or did you have something you wanted to say?¡±


    Fidgeting uncomfortably, Serenity surprisingly looked slightly relieved to have a reason to speak. ¡°We¡ªwell¡­both, kind of. Kate¡­I think she¡¯s¡­worried. About you. Because you¡­you¡¯re¡­¡±


    Again, Remy repressed an urge to express frustration. She didn¡¯t want Serenity to think that it was directed at her as, if anything, she was aiming it at herself. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m alone today. It¡¯s not that big a deal. Before a few months ago, I ate lunch alone every day.¡±


    Serenity looked down at her folded hands in her lap, looking as if she was concentrating. It gave Remy an uncomfortably familiar feeling, as though Serenity wanted to continue but was motivated by fear to choose her words carefully. ¡°Well¡­yeah, you did, but¡­since Allison, I mean, you¡­you just look so¡­happy. Today, though¡­¡±


    Remy didn¡¯t force her to finish the thought. She was growing weary of constantly being described with words like ¡°happy¡± as though the emotion was entirely foreign to her, something that was especially frustrating as she knew that people had very good reason to think that way. ¡°Really, it¡¯s fine. We¡¯ve got this trip coming up in a couple of weeks, so we¡¯ll have plenty of time together.¡±


    Serenity surprised Remy when she immediately perked up, her expression finally giving something higher priority than unease. ¡°Oh! Right! Jade was talking about it, too¡­her trip, I mean. Actually, she hasn¡¯t talked about much else for a while¡­other than Mari, anyway. I feel like I¡¯ve already met her.¡± Just as Remy was beginning to feel relieved by the faint glimmer of a change of subject, Serenity¡¯s expression again became cautious. ¡°But¡­what about now, though? Are¡­are you¡­sure you¡¯re okay?¡±


    Holding back an annoyed sigh, Remy tried to push past the concern. ¡°It¡¯s actually good for me, if you think about it. We spend just about every waking moment together when we¡¯re not working, so I should get used to the fact that there¡¯s going to be times when we can¡¯t.¡±


    Instead of looking satisfied with the response, Serenity looked confused. ¡°So, you want distance?¡±


    Remy¡¯s insides ran cold at the sound of the speculation. She had to restrain herself again, this time for the sake of speaking her response rather than shouting it. ¡°No, not at all. Missing her today is absolutely destroying me. That¡¯s¡­actually why I think that getting used to being apart might be a good thing. I don¡¯t want to get too¡­attached, I guess. It''s a mistake I''ve made before.¡±


    Serenity went quiet for a long time, clearly trying to make sense of what she¡¯d heard. It took nearly a full minute for her to finally speak again. ¡°I¡­don¡¯t think I understand. I mean, I understand that feeling of wanting to be with someone that badly, especially when they want to be with me, too. I know that feeling of wanting to spend every waking moment with them. I just¡­I don¡¯t understand holding back. If you¡¯re both happy with how things are, then why not just go with it?¡±


    It was Remy¡¯s turn to take time to think about exactly what she wanted to say. It was a reasonable question, but answering it without saying more than she wanted to was seemingly impossible. ¡°It¡¯s a difficult balancing act. I feel the way I feel and I want to show her that, but¡­I don¡¯t want to show her too much of it. I don¡¯t want to smother her with it.¡±


    ¡°What makes you think you would?¡±


    ¡°I can barely contain what I¡¯m feeling, myself. I can¡¯t even imagine putting that kind of a burden on someone else.¡±


    Much to Remy¡¯s surprise, Serenity covered her mouth and laughed quietly. ¡°S¡ªsorry¡­it¡¯s just¡­well, I¡¯ve seen the two of you together plenty of times, and I¡¯ve seen the way she looks at you. It¡¯s not how someone looks at someone they want less affection from.¡±


    In the midst of preparing to counter Serenity¡¯s argument, Remy stopped dead as she considered what she was hearing. Between Allison and Kate, it was becoming a familiar scenario for Remy to find herself questioning her reasoning with the benefit of another perspective only to find that she was entirely mistaken. It felt too convenient for her to relax just yet, but the prospect of being able to allow herself to let go of her inhibitions entirely was tempting. Stuck between desire and fear and not having the emotional bandwidth to process either after a morning of being trapped in her own thoughts, Remy pivoted and tried to take the conversation in a new direction.


    ¡°You seem to have some pretty strong feelings about it. I¡¯m getting the feeling you aren¡¯t just guessing at this. What makes you so sure?¡±


    Serenity continued to smile, though the sadness tainting it was immediately apparent. ¡°It¡¯s a long story, but¡­let¡¯s just say that I know for a fact that you can regret not saying enough the same way you can regret saying too much.¡±


    Remy¡¯s need to resist temptation was dealt another mortal wound as, for just a moment, Remy¡¯s imagination flashed an image of her parting ways with Allison with things left unsaid. It was every bit as painful as the thought of parting ways with her for any reason. She couldn¡¯t say what the solution was, but it was quickly becoming apparent that going all-or-nothing with any one strategy wasn¡¯t going to be it.


    There was wondering for the most brief of moments how to even start striking a balance when Remy recalled Kate¡¯s text message and her belief that this conversation would end up helping the both of them. Refusing to allow herself to smile at the realization that Kate¡¯s foresight had proved itself accurate once again, Remy silently relented and stopped fighting against the current. Whether it was a matter of pride or simply not wanting to endure Kate¡¯s inevitable gloating, none of it was more important that the future with Allison. Remy turned to Serenity and, setting aside her fears of saying the wrong thing, once again went against her instincts and prepared to ask for help.


    ¡°Well, we have an hour. If you don¡¯t mind telling it, that should be plenty of time for a long story.¡±

 Holding Moonlight in Our Hands (The Former Part)

    Allison¡¯s eyes slowly opened to the serene darkness and warmth surrounding her. The only light came from the first rays of the sun as it began its ascent into the sky, giving it the faint glow of ultramarine that signaled the coming of a new day. Seeing the beginning of the end of the night was as beautiful as it was depressing, a thought that urged Allison to push the coming dawn from her thoughts every morning. She instead chose to give her energy to thoughts of the beauty of the night before and remind herself that, when the sun set, she would find herself there again.


    Speaking of beauty¡­


    With a smile, Allison peered into the darkness as she felt a gentle stirring beneath her. Remy briefly shifted in her sleep before settling into place and resuming her slow, deep breathing. Allison could only make out the most basic features of Remy¡¯s face in the dim early morning light, but that was more than she needed to be able to appreciate what was in front of her. She¡¯d spent more time than she was willing to admit studying Remy, and she¡¯d long ago memorized every facet of her appearance. Even in the dark, Allison could easily envision the expression that looked as if it had been carved from granite, calm but determined even when she was at rest¡­if it could be called resting. She was rarely still for long, often tossing and turning throughout the night and seemingly only calming at Allison¡¯s concerned caressing of her face and the gentle kisses that soothed her back to sleep. It was once a cause for concern, but it gradually became a source of comfort. Everything about Remy¡¯s presence created peace that brought sleep, from the feeling of arms wrapped around her to the slow, rhythmic beating of her heart just beneath Allison¡¯s ear. Every movement she made was a reminder of her presence, each one as soothing as the delicate touches she returned.


    The sound of birds singing outside served as another unwelcome reminder that Allison¡¯s time in Remy¡¯s arms was coming to an end. Her stomach suddenly churning uncomfortably, she reached out to her bedside table for her phone and repressed the urge to grumble audibly when she confirmed the time. She had less than thirty minutes before the alarm would start ringing, just enough time to fall into a deep enough sleep to not hear it. She briefly considered the possibility of allowing it to happen, then found herself stifling a chuckle when Remy stirred again, as if in unconscious response to the thought. Even if she¡¯d been seriously entertaining the thought rather than just finding comfort in the possibility, Allison knew that Remy would put an end to it immediately. Dereliction of duty was a violation of her nature; no amount of cuddling would tempt her away from her responsibilities for even a day, and it wasn¡¯t likely that she¡¯d let Allison off without a lecture, either. Already able to hazard a guess as to what Remy would say to such a suggestion and knowing that she¡¯d be right, it hardly seemed worth bringing it up in the first place. With a quiet huff, Allison slowly worked her way out of Remy¡¯s embrace and pushed herself to the edge of the bed, resigning herself to starting her morning under protest. She softly grumbled as she worked her way from beneath the heavy duvet, and she quietly cursed as the chill of the morning air reached her skin.


    ¡°This is your daily reminder that you actually like your job.¡±


    Hearing the sleepy voice behind her, Allison looked over her shoulder into the darkness and saw Remy¡¯s silhouette slowly turning to face her. She smiled in spite of herself as the chill in the air and the coming dawn suddenly faded into insignificance. ¡°I¡¯ll like it more when the sun is actually up. Probably.¡±


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    Pushing the duvet aside, Remy crawled across the bed and wrapped her arms around Allison, leaning against her back and kissing her cheek. ¡°All the more reason to get moving. The sooner we start, the sooner we finish.¡±


    ¡°Actually¡­you know, we could always¡ª¡±


    ¡°Not a chance.¡± As Allison had expected, Remy threw off her morning fatigue entirely in her haste to stand her ground. ¡°We have to go to work. Both of us. Besides, you know you¡¯ll be miserable all day worrying about how they¡¯re getting along without you otherwise.¡±


    Allison turned with a huff. Knowing what Remy would say didn¡¯t do anything to make hearing it any less disappointing, and the fact that she was right only tinged that disappointment with frustration. Too tired to think of a counterargument and too familiar with the situation to not already know that it was pointless, she crossed her arms in frustration as a pout took shape. Somehow aware of it without being able to see it, Remy kissed Allison again, this time just behind her ear as her tone softened.


    ¡°Come on¡­let¡¯s get up. Think about the coffee.¡±


    The mere mention of Remy¡¯s coffee immediately tested Allison¡¯s determination to remain grumpy for the remainder of the morning. She turned away from Remy with another huff, unable to avoid noticing that the sound rang hollow when it reached her ears. Remy seemed to notice as well, pressing her advantage by placing another kiss on Allison¡¯s jaw.


    ¡°I¡¯ll cook today. Breakfast burritos?¡±


    Allison put the last of her resolve into pressing her lips together to keep from responding. She wasn¡¯t nearly done being irritated with the burden of having to get up, but Remy was too familiar with her weaknesses to not know how to brighten her mood. Allison desperately clung to her annoyance, but even her fatigue was waning in the face of the prospect of breakfast burritos.


    ¡°Extra. Bacon.¡±


    Before Allison could think to resist, her stomach gave a treasonous grumble. Remy gave a sleepy chuckle at the sound and delivered another kiss, this time to the side of Allison¡¯s neck. A shiver ran through her entire body, momentarily pushing aside all other thoughts as she savored the sensation of Remy¡¯s lips lingering on her skin. Feeling her morning lethargy suddenly vanish entirely, Allison turned and gently pushed Remy back onto the mattress. She didn¡¯t even bother trying to hold back her mischievous laugh as she leaned forward, straining to see the delicate curves of Remy¡¯s face in the darkness. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wanted to be annoyed that she¡¯d been so effectively coaxed out of both the bed and her bad mood. That small part of her was quickly drowned out by the sense of comfort that came from the fact that Remy was able to manage it. This thought was also brief, however, quickly overtaken by realization that as long as Remy was in a mood to placate her, there was at least one more thing she wanted. The sudden shift in the direction events were taking wasn¡¯t lost on Remy. She began to protest, but with a noticeable amount of effort.


    ¡°Come on¡­we really do have to get up.¡±


    Allison smiled as she returned Remy¡¯s earlier kiss, placing one just beneath her ear as she spoke in a deep whisper. ¡°Not for another half hour, we don¡¯t.¡±

 Holding Moonlight in Our Hands (The Latter Part)

    Finally making her way to the edge of Allison¡¯s bed, Remy sighed as she glanced at her phone. As was nearly always the case recently, she couldn¡¯t manage to get started less than fifteen minutes later than she¡¯d intended. Waking up with Allison was an arduous process on the best of days, with Allison¡¯s general hatred of early starts leading to her tendency to drag the process out for as long as possible. Proper motivation to start the day typically involved a significant amount of time spent in each other¡¯s arms, staring at the ceiling and talking about nothing in particular until there was legitimate concern about not making it to work on time. Even more incentive was necessary on especially difficult mornings, leading to Remy¡¯s earlier promises of pampering to come. It had quickly become one of Remy¡¯s favorite things about her new daily routine, uncovering an irresistible desire to lavish Allison with attention every time an opportunity presented itself. Even more important to her, though, was the fact that Allison seemed to need that attention every bit as much as she desired it.


    Remy had never seen it for herself, but she¡¯d been told more than once that it was easy to tell when they¡¯d slept in separate apartments for the night or had been in too much of a hurry to follow through with their morning routine in its entirety. Allison was said to spend close to half of the day either quietly sulking or noticeably irritable, both such dramatic shifts from her usual cheerful demeanor that Remy could only take what she¡¯d learned as a call to action. She made it her responsibility to ensure that Allison¡¯s day started peacefully¡ªor, on more difficult mornings, that it started at all¡ªand the effect was immediate. Normally at least somewhat surly first thing in the morning and slowly acclimating to being awake throughout the day, Allison seemed much more like herself when leaving for work when there was time to spend together beforehand. Encouraged by the results, Remy even went as far as rolling back her usual time for waking up by an hour just to be sure there was time to spend together every morning. Despite how effective a solution it had been, starting every day even earlier sparked an outrage from Allison that could only be tempered by promises of cuddling and coffee every morning. Though she was outraged, it only took several days of making good on those promises for the protests to largely cease.


    As Remy¡¯s thoughts continued to drift as she recounted how much thins had changed for the better over the last several months, her concentration was shattered by the sudden sound of Allison¡¯s voice, an almost alarmingly long string of obscenities filling the air in the apartment and seeming to shake the walls. Remy turned to see Allison limping, apparently having stepped too close to the edge of the bed as she was getting up and stubbed her toe. Suppressing a smile for fear that it would be misinterpreted, Remy jumped from the bed to resume her morning duties, taking Allison by the hand and gently guiding her to the bathroom. Again, the effect was both noticeable and immediate; her angry shouting had become a nearly inaudibly quiet grumbling, and her glowering had only become more intense in the sense that there was an obvious conscious effort to conceal a growing smile. Remy did her best to not notice, her efforts to keep her own smiling under control becoming increasingly difficult as she watched Allison continue to stumble along the hallway toward the bathroom.


    Despite the energy that Allison had been displaying only minutes earlier¡ªwhich had been enough to cause them to be fifteen minutes late getting started¡ªshe seemed to have exhausted all of it. Though decidedly more content, she was looking and acting much more like usual for that time of morning. Her eyes were only half open at best as she muttered vague complaints, stopping only to yawn widely while bouncing off of nearly every wall and door frame between her and her destination. Allowing Allison to lean on her for support, Remy hid her barely contained laughter while carefully stealing glances. She adored seeing Allison in such a state, her demeanor reminiscent of an angry, hissing kitten who just wants to be left alone long enough to find a place to curl up and go to sleep. It just made Remy want to care for her more, causing the temptation to reach out for another petting or cuddle to border on becoming overwhelming. The pressure was only eased by close proximity and their near constant physical contact.


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    As they made their way into the bathroom and Allison began blindly groping for her toothbrush, Remy found another excuse to maintain their contact and continue making a fuss. As she often did when they were at risk of running late, Remy set herself to the task of saving some time by bringing Allison¡¯s hair under control while she was doing other things. She picked up a brush and began running it through the long aquamarine strands, gently pulling knots and tangles  free before preparing to pull it all back. With a quick glance at Allison¡¯s reflection in the mirror, Remy confirmed that the barely contained smile was still just barely noticeable. Again, Remy couldn¡¯t help thinking of an annoyed kitten, significantly closer to content while being appeased but unwilling to admit to any feelings outside of murderous intent. Unable to resist, Remy glanced at Allison¡¯s reflection again only to flinch when she saw aquamarine eyes glaring back at her own.


    ¡°You¡¯re thinking it again, aren¡¯t you?¡±


    Remy dismissed the question with a playful shrug as she pulled the brush through Allison¡¯s hair one last time and began reaching for bobby pins. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you mean.¡±


    Allison¡¯s eyes narrowed as she began blindly fumbling for mouthwash, refusing to tear her gaze from Remy. ¡°We¡¯ve been over this. I¡¯m not a kitten.¡±


    ¡°I see.¡±


    Momentarily pressing her lips together to keep her laughter in, Remy responded by gently scratching the top of Allison¡¯s head. To her credit, Allison didn¡¯t give up on her supposed anger easily. At the same time, though, she seemed to realize that there was no hiding the shiver that ran down her spine when Remy¡¯s fingernails found her scalp. Her victory undeniable, Remy took a moment to indulge in a healthy amount of well-deserved gloating.


    ¡°You were saying¡­?¡±


    Unable to keep her true mood behind even the thinnest of veils any longer, Allison¡¯s smile finally began to shine through the dark clouds she¡¯d gathered around herself.  She closed her eyes and leaned back against Remy, still valiantly attempting to assemble a convincing pout.


    ¡°Shut up and give me more scritches.¡±


    As always, Remy didn¡¯t even bother hiding her eagerness to oblige. It was these tiny moments that brought Allison to life every morning, and that alone was more than enough reason for Remy. It was an unusual thing for her to find herself filling a need for someone in such an intimate way, and the thought that Allison was genuinely relying on her made her heart stutter nearly as much as Allison herself did. Looking at Allison¡¯s contented expression in the mirror, Remy smiled and thought to herself that even in her wildest imaginings, she never thought that this would be how truly caring for someone would look. Seeing Allison¡¯s sense of peace and knowing that she was the reason for it, though, made it perfectly clear that she didn¡¯t need to be familiar with the path to know that she was on the right one.

 We Will Illuminate the Way Forward

    By the time the sun had given the sky its rose-colored tint, Allison¡¯s mood was entirely unrecognizable. She was humming cheerfully as she darted from one end of the caf¨¦ kitchen to the other, rummaging through drawers and storage bins for various utensils she needed to start her day. More than once, she laughed at herself as she glanced up at the clock and realized how much she¡¯d accomplished in what kept proving to be a relatively short period of time. Her haste was largely the result of habit; her mornings often started with a need to make up for lost time, both from tending to start later than she¡¯d intended and struggling to move as quickly as she¡¯d have liked. Somewhere along the way, however, her morning routine started coming much more easily to her. She was both energetic enough to not need to push herself to maintain a decent pace and in a good enough mood to not have to force herself to put in the effort, propelled forward by nothing other than her love of her work and not hindered by struggling to keep a sour mood at bay. It was only the knowledge of the importance of keeping her focus on sharp knives and costly ingredients that kept her pretending that she didn¡¯t know what had caused the change.


    Her attention devoted to her work as much as she could manage, Allison was startled when the door to the kitchen opened. Lily stepped into the kitchen, her footsteps noticeably slower and heavier than her usual natural movement that looked almost as much like dancing as walking. Allison pressed her lips together to keep from smiling at the rare sight of a Lily who was still weighed down by sleep, something that could only be seen in the earliest hours of the day. The sight reminded Allison of Millefeuille when she first woke up, and it inspired a similar desire to give Lily cuddles and soothe her back to sleep. A moment later, Mari stumbled through the still open door, her eyes burning with anger in protest of being awake so early in the morning. She looked more like a tigress who had been awoken by having someone step on her tail and, in stark contrast to Lily, gave the impression that she was best left alone with the hope that she would manage to fall asleep again on her own and not seek retribution first. She was desperately clutching a vacuum flask nearly the size of her arm bearing the logo of the nearby gas station that was filled with their almost suspiciously potent coffee or, judging only by the smell, diesel.


    ¡°Bon matin.¡± Lily barely got the words out in Allison¡¯s general direction before yawning widely and leaning against a prep table for support, looking like a flower that was beginning to wilt.


    Allison laughed softly as she turned to the coffee she¡¯d started brewing when she came in. Knowing that Lily struggled with early mornings nearly as much as she did, it was an established tradition to have several cups at the ready when they both found themselves there at that hour. ¡°Late night?¡±


    Lily nodded quickly as she took the cup from Allison, eager to put it to use. ¡°Something like that. Thank you.¡±


    Allison¡¯s smile suddenly turned shrewd as she noticed something telling in the response. ¡°Do we need to talk about the importance of getting to bed on time again? Or¡­should I be having that talk with Charlotte instead?¡±


    Suddenly looking alert, Lily sputtered on her coffee as her face quickly turned bright red. Her expression turned annoyed as Allison began giggling, but several attempts to respond ended in nothing more than a grumble and more laughter from Allison. Finally seeming to give up on it, Lily huffed and consoled herself with more coffee. ¡°You¡¯re impossible to deal with this early. It¡¯s like trying to stare into the sun.¡±


    Still looking amused, Allison raised an eyebrow. ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡±


    ¡°Too energetic. Too happy. I can¡¯t find a way to annoy you when you¡¯re in such a good mood.¡±


    Again, Allison found herself struggling to focus on anything other than the obvious. It wasn¡¯t hard to guess where the conversation was heading, and the last thing she wanted to do was confirm any suspicions, no matter how obvious the truth was. ¡°I guess everybody can¡¯t be a morning person.¡±


    Now looking significantly closer to being awake, Lily smirked. ¡°You should know¡­you sure as hell aren¡¯t one. At least, you weren¡¯t one.¡±


    Her mind already racing for a way to deflect, Allison¡¯s thoughts were derailed by the sound of stifled laughter coming from the other side of the kitchen. She and Lily both looked over at Mari, who was apparently in the middle of draining the coffee from her vacuum flask when she had to stop herself from spitting it out. As usual, she looked startled to suddenly find herself the center of attention, but it didn¡¯t take long for that surprise to turn into a smirk of her own that made Allison nervous.


    ¡°Well, it would explain why you¡¯re so damn chipper every morning lately.¡±


    Already feeling her face growing warm, Allison quickly turned back to the prep table and busied herself with arranging things unnecessarily to stall for the time she needed to respond. Clearly not willing to miss the opportunity to press her advantage, Lily took several steps closer and, standing on her toes, leaned toward Allison and began playfully inspecting her neck. Recognizing the implication, Allison huffed as she rushed a response.


    ¡°That was just one time.¡±


    Still examining Allison¡¯s skin, Lily narrowed her eyes as she tried to hide her smile. ¡°Just one time that we know of, that is¡­and even that one time counted for several.¡±


    Another sputtering sound from across the kitchen faded into open laughter from Mari. ¡°She¡¯s got a point. With the way your neck looked when you came in that morning, I thought about holding up a mirror to make sure you still had a reflection.¡±


    Allison was at a loss for words. As much as she wanted to argue her way out of the hole she¡¯d somehow managed to dig for herself, the temptation to talk about Remy was all but impossible to resist. Remembering how she felt that morning¡ªand most mornings since¡ªfinally tipped the scales in favor of sharing those feelings rather than hiding them.


    ¡°Okay, okay, I¡­may have done the same thing. Occasionally.¡±


    Mari gave another laugh, this one decidedly derisive. ¡°¡®Occasionally,¡¯ she says. You¡¯ve been coming in here and bouncing off of the walls every morning since then.¡±


    Doing her best to look affronted, Allison glared at Mari. ¡°It hasn¡¯t been every morning.¡± Seeing the doubtful expressions on both Mari and Lily, Allison sheepishly looked down at the prep table as the warmth in her face became a roaring blaze. ¡°¡­she has to leave early sometimes to stop by her apartment before work.¡±


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    The laughter that erupted from Lily and Mari filled the kitchen and, seemingly, the entire caf¨¦. Allison hadn¡¯t entirely shaken her desire to argue, but it was all but entirely drowned in the warmth that came from the moment as she joined in the laughter, herself. She knew them well enough to know that all of their laughing¡ªand the relentless teasing that followed¡ªwas a sign of their approval. While she would normally have been content to simply be in the company of people who didn¡¯t oppose her happiness, it was comforting to share that happiness with people who supported it.


    In the early days of her relationship, she hadn¡¯t given a second thought to proudly putting it on display for the world to see. It was largely an act of defiance, an old habit from long ago that helped see her through some of her darkest days by celebrating her victories in spite of overwhelming opposition. She¡¯d thrown herself into the celebration entirely, largely as a means of bracing for backlash that felt inevitable. When days passed with the only reactions being excitement and incessantly hounding her for details of the date that turned into an entire weekend, Allison¡¯s good cheer became nervous energy as she waited to see storm clouds on the horizon that never materialized. It had taken some time to become comfortable with the thought of being open with her feelings for Remy with anyone other than Remy herself, constantly on the lookout for the invisible looming threat to her happiness. It took weeks of constantly reminding herself that there was a good reason that these were the most important people in the world to her. Her fear was born of having been betrayed in the past but, though it was sometimes difficult to remember, it was with that knowledge that she chose to trust Lily and Mari. In spite of her worst fears and memories, working with them and laughing as they tried to tease more good news about her relationship out of her made it impossible for Allison to not realize that she¡¯d chosen wisely.


    ¡°By the way, mon chou, any progress on that little¡­side project of yours?¡±


    Allison looked up at Lily, momentarily confused by the question. One look at her mischievous smile, however, was all it took for Allison to make to the connection between the question and their conversation leading up to it. She huffed and pouted as she turned to start slicing fruit, drawing another fit of laughter from Lily and a look of confusion from Mari. When she was finally able to control herself long enough to speak, Lily turned to Mari with a slightly apologetic expression.


    ¡°Allison is having a little¡­problem with being confident.¡±


    Mari raised an eyebrow as she turned a look of disbelief toward Allison. ¡°A problem with confidence. You.¡±


    Seeing Allison¡¯s face rapidly shift to a violent scarlet, Lily seemed to gather that there wasn¡¯t going to be any further explanation if she didn¡¯t give it herself. ¡°Well, specifically in a more¡­intimate sense. Perhaps ¡®assertive¡¯ would be a better word for it.¡±


    Looking back and forth between Lily¡¯s kind and apologetic expression and Allison, who was wanting nothing more than to evaporate into thin air, Mari¡¯s look of confusion turned to one of surprised understanding for a brief moment before quickly fixing itself into its familiar look of concentration. Her brow knitted as she looked down, clearly deep in thought. When the silence got finally got the better of Allison and she dared to look at anything other than the floor, she glanced in Mari¡¯s direction and immediately felt a sense of relief. Unlike moments earlier, being teased about this particular matter certainly would¡¯ve struck a nerve. As she¡¯d come to expect, however, Mari was quick to pick up on the shift in tone and, rather than take it lightly, changed gears and was approaching it with the utmost sincerity. Thinking about it, Lily¡¯s subtle shift in tone was also noticeable and easily traced back to the moment when she turned the conversation toward its current direction. Allison was filled with appreciation when she realized that, after months of discussing it and getting nowhere, Lily was beginning to explore alternatives. It was another sign of genuine care that made it clear that trusting her new chosen family was a wise decision.


    After a minute of thinking, Mari¡¯s expression began to show a hint of worry that caused Allison¡¯s heart to sink. It was an indication of the unease she tended to feel when she was presented with a problem but unable to immediately find a solution. ¡°I¡¯d tell you to do what I do but, given my own track record¡­yeah, maybe don¡¯t.¡± After another moment of silence and a sudden glance at Lily, her eyes suddenly flashed with inspiration. ¡°You know who would know, though? You should probably talk to Char¡ª¡±


    Before she could finish speaking the name, Mari cut herself off when she saw Allison flinch. In a moment of confusion, Mari looked to Lily again and saw her turning away with her hand over her mouth, struggling to contain a laugh before speaking. ¡°That¡¯s¡­another problem all its own. ¡®Confidence¡¯ might actually be the right word for that one.¡±


    Looking back at Allison as she again took a sudden interest in the grout lines on the floor, Mari¡¯s expression again became one of understanding. ¡°Oh¡­oh, yeah. I get that. She¡¯s a little¡­intense.¡±


    Lily cautiously approached Allison with a kind expression before gently putting a hand on her shoulder, looking as if she was trying to reach out to a wild deer without startling it. ¡°You really do have to get used to her one of these days.¡±


    Allison sighed, feeling as frustrated with herself as the situation. ¡°I know, I know¡­it¡¯s just not easy. I still can¡¯t figure out how you ever got used to her.¡±


    Poorly concealing a smile, Lily turned her nose to the air and did her best to look affronted. ¡°Don¡¯t you judge me. I like what I like.¡±


    Laughter erupted again, shattering the tension in the air. The moment of relief gave them all some much needed breathing room, and Mari wasted no time in putting it to use. As Lily and Allison were still laughing, she was again struck by inspiration. ¡°Hey, what about what¡¯s-her-name¡­Ember?¡± Suddenly looking uneasy, Mari glanced over her shoulder. ¡°She¡¯s¡­she¡¯s not around here somewhere, is she?¡±


    Allison was hit again by disappointment, though it was slightly offset by the amusement that came from seeing Mari quickly check under the prep table. ¡°Your guess is as good as mine. You know how she is.¡±


    ¡°I know I do.¡± Lily giggled as she chimed in, also taking a quick glance behind herself. ¡°Keeping track of that girl is like trying to hold water in your bare hands. I¡¯m still not entirely convinced that this place isn¡¯t just haunted.¡±


    Allison gave an amused sigh as she heard a thought she¡¯d had herself countless times spoken in Lily¡¯s voice. ¡°Well, I¡¯m pretty sure she¡¯s not in town anymore. I haven¡¯t seen her in at least a couple of weeks. Besides¡­I already asked her.¡±


    Lily¡¯s expression rapidly shifted to one of morbid curiosity. ¡°You did? What did she say?¡±


    ¡°Like I said, you know how she is. ¡®Just ask Charlotte, loser.¡¯¡±


    Again, Lily burst into a fit of laughter at the sound of Allison¡¯s impression of Ember¡¯s calm, almost languid tone and the slight rasp of her sultry voice. ¡°Well, she does have a point. There really is an obvious choice here. You could always¡ª¡±


    Lily quickly stopped herself as the sound of the annunciator from the front door reached the kitchen. Everyone looked up to see Andrea making her way into the caf¨¦, signaling the end of the conversation. As she didn¡¯t know Andrea nearly as well as she knew Mari, Allison knew that Lily wouldn¡¯t be so quick to discuss her personal business openly now that there were more ears to hear it. More than that, Andrea¡¯s arrival meant the beginning of the actual reason they¡¯d all gathered an hour earlier than usual. With the upcoming winery visits quickly approaching, it was time to finalize plans, both for the trips and the continued operation of the caf¨¦ while being short of staff and expecting a steady influx of new customers for several weeks. While still disappointed about not having found an easier solution to her problem, Allison welcomed the shift in focus. The prospect of a conversation with Charlotte continued to loom overhead and, as much as she wanted to have it, she welcomed the opportunity to think about anything else for just a little longer.