《Isekai Terry: Tropes of Doom (An Isekai Adventure Comedy)》 Chapter 1 – Grade-A Terry leaned back in the perpetually uncomfortable desk chair and rubbed at his eyes. A quick glance around the other cubicles revealed that there were only two other people left. There was Mark, who everyone but their project manager hated. It wasnt that the guy was bad at his job. He was actually a pretty good programmer. No, there was just an air of smug self-satisfaction to his face that made everyone who saw him want to punch the guy. The only other person was Sheila, a bottle blonde who everyone liked a little too much. As the only woman in the pool of rank-and-file programmers, she got a lot of attention and seemed to like it just fine. Shed made her rounds through the guys and had recently seemed to decide that he would be her next Terry pondered. Was conquest the right word? Whether it was or not, he wasnt interested, which only seemed to make things worse. He glared at the flatscreen monitor and the code he had been trying to debug. Then, he tapped the screen of his smartphone. It was already after six, and it was Friday. Enough, he decided. Whatever bug was screwing up that function was clearly something he wasnt going to track down if he stayed for another fifteen minutes. It certainly wasnt like he was getting overtime for staying late. Saving his progress, such as it was, to a new git branch, he logged out of his computer. He grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and headed for the elevator. He caught sight of Sheila hurrying to gather her things. Passing briefly out of sight, he made the heroic choice to run for the stairs. Bursting into the stairwell, he took the steps two at a time, even if made him feel like he would lose his balance the entire way. He was out the door, in his car, and pulling away before Sheila trotted out the front door. He pretended not to see her trying to wave him down. He was sure that she was going to suggest going out for a drink or some other date-like activity. Hard pass. Hed been person-ing all week and his slim reserves had run dry. He needed to get away from people and glowing screens. He needed to be outside and, the gods willing, alone. He steered his car through the thinning traffic. The post-work people were mostly home and the lets-go-get-drunk-and-stupid people werent quite out yet. He gauged how much sunlight he had left before heading to an out-of-the-way park hed found a while back. He felt almost immediately better when he parked his car and stepped into the park. It was tended, but not overly manicured like some kind of golf course. Terry didnt understand golf. In fact, he didnt really understand sports. He had a t-shirt somewhere that read: Baseballthats where you kick the puck at the hoop, right? It was only half a joke for him. Hed been skinny and small in high school, not really reaping the full benefits of puberty until the summer after he graduated. By then, hed missed the window to become interested in the whole sports culture. Hed also missed the window to become comfortable with members of the opposite sex. College had seemed like a golden opportunity to remedy that, but it turned out that having zero social skills was pretty much lethal to ones social life in college. While sports held no appeal, he did find that he enjoyed being outside. Hed taken to hiking. First, it had been easy trails nearby, and then more difficult trails as his fitness improved. Falling in love with that solo activity hadnt helped him connect with his fellow human beings either. He knew hed gotten his job on the strength of his skills, not his personality, and was grateful to have survived the staff purge that followed some screw up well above his pay grade that cost the company a lot of money. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. For the next hour, though, he could put all of that behind him. He even turned off his phone before he changed out of the work shoes that some magazine had said were fashionable and into comfortable hiking boots. He could almost feel the tension sliding off his shoulders as he stepped into the park proper and started down one of the trails. It was really more of a walk than a hike. The ground was a bit too level and free of encumbrances, but Terry didnt care. He didnt care at all. The trees and bushes muted the city noise and the air even seemed a bit cleaner than what he got in his apartment or at the office. He found himself smiling for the first time all day. He might not have a girlfriend, or like the people he worked with, or even particularly like his job, but he still had this. For a few hours each week, he was free from social expectations, free from obligation, free from the anxieties that hobbled him most of the time. It took a few seconds for Terry to realize that he was hearing automobile noises. As someone who had been living in a city for a while, hed learned to tune out all but the most obnoxious car and truck noises. It was that or never sleep again. Still, these noises were too close. He stopped and turned around. Sitting no more than fifty feet away from him, in a place where it had no business being, in a place it could never have possibly reached, sat what looked like a delivery truck. Terry tilted his head back and forth as he tried in vain to make the sight of that truck fit into a rational world. Something that would have been easier if the front of the truck hadnt looked so much like a face and a face that seemed almost apologetic. Terry and the truck stared each other down for five seconds before the engine revved. Terrys eyes shot up to where the driver should be, only to find the seat empty. As the truck lurched toward him, Terry turned and ran. As wild panic sent him racing down the trail as fast as he could go, the delivery truck closing on him with each second, the sheer absurdity of the situation gave the whole experience a quality of unreality. That reality gap gave the part of Terrys brain that had spent countless hours reading and wasting time online the space it needed to throw one more little bit of surreal nonsense at him. He thought of a meme he had seen and laughed at. One of some poor Asian teenager getting run down by a truck and hurled into an alternate universe. Even as the roar of the engine filled Terrys ears, the name of that meme came back to him. Truck-kun. One last thought passed through Terrys head before everything exploded into pain and stars and dislocation. This is some Grade-A bullshit. Chapter 2 – Noping Right the Fuck Out Terry was not pleased to discover that even though the stars and dislocation were fading, the pain was not. He was certain, just goddamn certain, that the imprint of some automotive logo was now permanently engraved into his back. As if that insult and injury weren''t enough, his head felt like it wanted to explode. There was all this stuff in there now that didnt make one damn bit of sense. Places hed never been, but knew by heart. Things hed never done. Things that science told him no one could do, but were somehow still possible. People hed never met but that his brain was insisting were his family and friends. The only saving grace was that he was sprawled out on something reliably solid. He rolled onto his stomach and pressed the side of his face against the cool flat surface. It didnt help at all with the pain, but at least it felt real, unlike half the shit in his head right now. Small victories, he told himself. Small victories. Youre still alive. That was when it occurred to him that maybe he was not, in fact, alive and that this was the afterlife. Probably Hell, knowing my luck, he thought. That was when he finally started to process the noises that were drifting into his ears. Hushed whispers surrounded him. He just ignored them and rolled his face so the other side could lie on the cool surface beneath him for a while. It only stood to reason that he should soak up whatever tiny comforts he could just in case he had caught the express to the lake of fire or whatever. The hushed whispering steadily grew into more normal talking. Speech started drifting over him, which just the whole situation feel surreal again. He both did and didnt understand what was being said, like part of his brain was hearing gibberish, while the other part was cheerfully providing a real-time translation. think it worked? Is that the one who Why is he just lying Unable to stand this bifurcated listening experience, Terry cracked an eye open. It didnt really help. Why does hell look like a Chinese period drama? he muttered to himself. Everyone wore ornate robes. The men all had some kind of strange topknots. The mountain of information in his head that did not belong to him informed him it was called a touji. And everyone was ridiculously good-looking. Like models and actors attractive. If he wasnt in so much damn pain, Terry would have thought this was all just some bizarre dream. Then, that term hed remembered right before everything went all out of focus and wobbly, floated back to the top of his consciousness. Truck-kun. Yeah, it ran people over, but there was more to it. It No way, thought Terry. Theres just no way. Did that stupid delivery truck on a trail in a freaking park send me to some other world? He tried to deny the possibility immediately, but the evidence was stacking up against his denial fast and furious. All this needs now is for them to tell me that Ive been called here to save the world, he thought with grim amusement. Thats me, alright. The hero of heroes. Terry decided that the best thing to do was go to sleep. Hed just go to sleep and wake up in some nice, antiseptic hospital with a morphine drip and a body cast. What a thing to hope for, he thought. He never got the chance, though. Someone came over and started to gently shake him. That made the pain in his head increase by orders of magnitude. He clutched at his head with his hands and wished that something would made that pain disappear. Then, he heard someone speak. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. Oh, of course. There was a surge of something that felt like electricity in the air to Terry, followed by a sweet cool sensation that washed through his entire body. The pain vanished and something in the same zip code as sanity returned. He realized that hed been screaming in agony, except the agony was gone now. So, he stopped screaming. The release from all that pain made Terry feel almost euphoric. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and had to stay there for a minute until his head stopped swimming. He remembered reading something about the body releasing some kind of chemicals to help pain. He must have been getting a massive dose of those at that moment. As that euphoria ebbed, he looked around again. Nope, he was still in some Chinese period drama filled with a cast of people straight from the Youll Never Have a Chance with Me agency. Even the young man who had crouched down nearby looked like someone straight out of a K-pop band, or whatever the Chinese equivalent was, whod also just happened to get an extra smack or three from the pretty stick. All in all, it left Terry, who might have barely had a chance at getting into the Super Average Guy calendar, feeling pretty damn inadequate. Which just seemed hugely unfair after getting hit by Truck-kun. Once it was clear that he was rational, though, things got weird all over again. Everyone in the room bowed to him. That strange other-knowledge that some bastard had rammed into his psyche told him that those bows were far lower than they should have been, which gave him a cold, sick feeling. We greet the hero. The one who was summoned to save us all. Terry forced himself to stand up. He looked around at the bowing people. He could see hope and faith burning in their eyes. It was goddamn creepy, and only made creepier by his cold, certain knowledge that he was not cut out for the hero gig. If theyd summoned him for the fetching tacos gig, or the fix our website gig, or the salvage the garbage database our crappy former employee made gig, he was their guy. As for the hero gig, he was the guy who posted the job requirements. So, he turned his attention to the highly important task of finding a door while he asked a question to stall. What have I been summoned to save you from? he asked. There is a great army of evil. Even now, our forces battle to keep it at bay, said K-pop guy. I see, said Terry slowly, as though he was actually giving that crazy-ass nonsense some serious consideration. Hard pass. Then, he bolted for the door he estimated was the most likely to lead outside. He didnt know if hed just caught them all off guard, or maybe they didnt dare to interfere with the hero, or maybe they just hadnt parsed the meaning of hard pass, but he burst out into the sunlight. He saw gates at what seemed like an unreasonable distance and kept running. At least he hadnt lost all of his fitness in that awful, trans-whatever shift that had happened. He ran as fast and hard as he could. The armed men at the gate looked at him curiously as he approached them, but they didnt make a move to interfere. One of them even politely opened the gate for him. Well, thought Terry, at least that guy is okay. He risked a look back and saw no one was chasing him, so he took a chance and slowed to a stop at the gate. He worried it might bring catastrophe, but there was one question he needed answered above all others. Which direction is the war? he asked. The guards traded uncertain looks, but the polite, gate-opening guard pointed and said, To the north. Great. Thanks! said Terry and then shot out of the gate. He started to look around, decided he didnt care, and just started running in a generally southward direction. If war, violence, and death were to the north, he needed to get as far from that as possible. Chapter 3 – Crap. Money. It took most of a day to get out of the city, even running nearly the entire way. The only good thing about fleeing through a city filled with what had to be tens, if not hundreds of thousands, of people was that it was nothing to blend in. Terry eventually found a window and discovered he was wearing white pants and some kind of long white shirt. The whole thing reminded him entirely too much of some kind of messianic garb from a fantasy novel, so he made a point to dirty it up by bumping into walls and cutting through alleys. The good news was that it seemed those ornate robes were mostly a thing for what Terry thought of as the stupidly pretty people. The commoners or peasants or whatever the hell they called them in this terrible place where armies of evil actually existeda fact that made him think, What the fuck, every single time it crossed his mindwore similar clothes to what he had on. Just shittier. Thankfully, the people at the city gates let him run right through, after looking behind him to make sure he wasnt being chased by someone official-looking. Not seeing anyone, they just laughed, and one of them called after him. Yeah, my wife gets pissed when Im late too! That comment caused roars of laughter from all the guards, a pleasantly cheerful sound that followed Terry through the gates like a friendly puppy. What kept Terry running, aside from what he found out was a remarkably robust constitution, was the fear of being caught by the stupidly pretty people and forced to go north at swordpoint. No, no, no, no, no, thought Terry. He needed to avoid that at all costs. He knew what happened in these kinds of stories. The supposed hero sets out to face evil and is then effectively tortured into greater and greater strength over the course of ten to forty volumes, depending on how popular it is. Oh, sure, hed survive. But only after he nearly died over and over again and was narrowly snatched back from the jaws of death by at least one deus ex machina and the sacrifice of an ill-fated lover. Terry didnt know what kind of a moron signed up for that noise on purpose, but he was bound, bent, and determined that he wasnt going to be that moron. He followed what passed for a road until it was deep into the night. At what he estimated was close to midnight, tiredness finally started to wear him down. There wasnt anything like a town nearby, which he took as a mixed blessing. People meant shelter, but they also meant witnesses. Unfortunately, Terry didnt know much about surviving in the wild. Hed watched a few videos online about it, and you couldnt help but pick up a few survival tips when you did as much hiking as he did. But all of those tips depended largely on carrying technology that he did not have, half of which probably wouldnt work in this new world. A water bottle and a tent would work anywhere, but a satellite phone would just be dead weight, and God alone knew if a compass would function at all. The thing he did know was that he couldnt stay too close to the road. He stared at the woods to either side of the road and shivered. They were dark. Not the city streets version of dark but actually dark. So dark that you couldnt see a thing, which meant that anything could be hiding in there. Thinking about a forced march north was enough to get him moving again. He stumbled into that darkness, found a spot that was relatively flat, and counted his blessings that it was merely cool instead of cold. Using an arm as a pillow, he curled up on himself and thought about how grossly hed underestimated the value of food delivery services. Just before sleep took him, a thought struck him. Crap. Money. I dont have any. Back in the glorious time Terry thought of as Before Chinese Period Drama Hell, hed been slow to rise. He was one of those people who had to set ten alarms at five-minute intervals on his phone to have an even chance of getting to work on time. Hed been a realist and chalked it up to the crippling depression that accompanies working a job you hate with people you loathe. Hed never complained about it because hed never seen the point. That was adulthood in a nutshell, wasnt it? He figured complaining about it would just expose that he was in the same boat as everyone else. Big surprise. Although, he had been haunted by the probably irrational fear that hed find out it was just him. That everyone else woke up happy and excited to get to their job and couldnt wait to interact with their coworkers. Hed feared that such a discovery might make him do something drastic. Since he didnt think he was emotionally equipped for a murder spree, he worried that it would be something more self-destructive than outwardly destructive, like joining a cult or getting involved in a pyramid scheme. Although, on balance, he sort of thought that those might be the same thing. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. Needless to say, he was surprised and deeply furious when he snapped into full, active awareness in the morning. Hed been having a beautiful dream where hed been Truck-kun-ed into a world where cheeseburgers didnt make you fat, everything was free, and the word violence was literally absent from the language. Now, he was stuck back in a place where hed slept in the woods, he had no money, and there were undoubtedly people looking to make him go questing against the forces of darkness and cholesterol. It was everything he could do not to shake his fist at the sky. Terry did make himself a promise then and there. If he ever saw Truck-kun again, he was going slash its tires and bust out all its windows before he set the stupid thing on fire and danced around the inferno. Part of his frustration was that, somewhere deep in his heart, Terry had hoped some monster in the woods would come along and end his life. Maybe send him on to whatever came next or at least isekai him somewhere where people didnt expect him to battle evil. But, oh no, not in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Here, even the monsters wouldnt cooperate with him. He had to just keep on living. Like a sucker. With nothing else to do, it wasnt like he had any food to eat or social media to distract him, he got up and followed his own path of plant life destruction back to the road. It was a good thing that no one looking for him had come along before he woke up. It would have taken them five seconds to find him. Hed have to be more careful in the future. He resisted the urge to start running again. Racing down the road like a crazy person from another world fleeing his destiny to be the hero was fine in the dark, but he had the sneaking suspicion that hed stand out a little bit doing that during the day. At least sleeping in the forest had completed his mission to make his pristine outfit look grungy. No one would mistake him for the messiah now. Hed be just one more peasant on the road. I need to find one of those rice hats, he muttered to himself. Are those a thing in this world? Terry brushed aside that thought, put his head down, and started walking. Just mind your own business and keep a low profile, he thought. Its a master strategy. That master strategy lasted for nearly two hours. In hindsight, Terry realized that hed probably been lucky that it lasted that long. This wasnt his world, where you could, with care, avoid most problems. This was some screwed-up, fun-house mirror version of an imaginary, ancient pseudo-Asia. He should have expected to run across some bandits accosting the local farmer, who was, of course, out with his entire goddamn family, like a jackass. Despite that, Terry was ready to turn around and walk away. This was not his problem. He took one step backward, then felt something poke him in the back. It was pointy and sharp, so he assumed it was some kind of sword or knife. Where are you going? asked someone with so much malevolent glee that it was clear this man didnt hate his job. A lot of things that Terry didnt understand happened in a hurry. He felt something stir in that pile of other-knowledge hed been working so hard to ignore. Then, he was spinning and his foot was doing something and the knee of the guy behind him was suddenly bending the wrong way. Terrys left hand was wrapped like a vice around this other dudes wrist, twisting it until there was a sharp crack. The sword the guy had been holding dropped free. Terry released the guys wrist while his right hand shot out, seized the hilt, and swept the sword through the air. There was a nauseating spray of blood, and then the other guy fucking fell into two pieces. There was a blaze of energy in his stomach as he turned toward the rest of the bandits and his left fist shot out toward them. For a split-second, he thought he saw a pulse of something in the air. However, the uselessness of throwing a punch at people twenty feet away was topmost in his mind when he saw three, full-grown men double over as blood flew from their mouths. All three were hurled through the air as though gravity had suddenly gotten bored for a moment and decided to mix things up for giggles. They flew for nearly thirty feet before crashing to the ground. Terry stared in a mixed state of confusion, awe, and a desperate need to empty his stomach. He kept waiting for the men to get up, but part of him noted how very, very still they were. Then, Terry did shake his fist at the sky. No! No! You arent going to trick me into being a hero! I dont care if I do know Kung Fu. Chapter 4 – Hero! Terry was still screaming obscenities at the sky when a young woman raced up and threw her arms around him. She was tall and quite strong, no doubt a testament to years on the farm, which meant that Terry was wholly unprepared when her assets were pressed and held firmly against his body. He was so stunned, in fact, that he still had a clenched fist raised to the sky. The shock had silenced his cursing, though. Thank you! the young woman all but shouted into his ear. Youre a hero! You saved us! Having never been what anyone would describe as suave, smooth, charming, or socially competent, Terry mostly just stood there, fist still raised in a mute, futile challenge to the powers that be. Not sure what else to do, he slowly lowered his fist, opened it, and patted the young woman on the back. Once. Twice. Three times. Then, he mumbled the only thing that came into his head. Sure. At that point, he started trying to think of ways to disentangle himself from the girl, who seemed like she was settling in for the long haul. Not that the experience was unpleasant, but he was worried that his body was going to decide to redirect blood in a direction that would turn things awkward. Thank God, or whoever was in charge of Chinese Period Drama Hell, that the girls father intervened. Let him breathe, said the older man in a semi-chiding, semi-amused tone. The girl obeyed the order, but not before giving Terry a final squeeze, and a quick look that he semi-confidently interpreted to mean that she knew exactly what she was doing. I am so not equipped for this hero bullshit, thought Terry. I want to thank you, young man, said the girls father. Without you, my whole family would have died out here. No shit, thought Terry. Begs the question of why you brought them all out here onto Bandit Murder Road. As if the man could hear his thoughts, the father continued, I wouldnt have normally brought them along, but there have been shadewolves near the farm lately. The evil things will pass right through walls and kill everyone. I thought this would be safer. Of course, he just had to have a good reason, and now I feel like a tool for thinking the guy was acting like some kind of an NPC in a badly written video game, thought Terry. Son of a bitch. Thinking that he ought to make some kind of noise to indicate that hed at least been listening, Terry chimed in. Sure. My name is Trevane. Remdell Trevane. And youve already met my daughter, Mira. That young man over there is my son, Tovan, said Remdell, gesturing toward where a boy was doing something to the three bodies down the road. The standoffish one by the cart is Harena. It struck Terry that those names did not fit in with his idea of this as Chinese Period Drama Hell. He took a closer look at everyone and realized that they looked more European or American than Asian. Remdell was bald, but Mira had auburn hair, and Harenas hair looked almost blonde. How did I miss that? Oh, right, I was probably distracted by all of that murdering. Noticing that everyone was giving him an expectant look, he realized that they were waiting for him to introduce himself. Terry Williams. That drew odd looks from Remdell and Mira. Harena, who he was pretty sure was too far away to hear them, simply glared at him like hed put shattered safety glass into her cereal. Well, fuck you very much too, he thought. Its not like I asked for any of this. Cant say Ive heard a name like that before, said Trevane. I love it, said Mira, smiling brightly at him. Terry was saved from having to address that uncomfortable moment by the arrival of Tovan, who was dragging three swords hed tied together with one hand, and clutching what looked like little pouches in the other. He came to a huffing stop. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. Here you go! the boy announced, thrusting all of it at Terry. Whats this? asked Terry, fighting against his own grab reflex. You killed them, didnt ya? You get their stuff, said the boy. That began what Terry was sure was a sitcom-worthy sketch of him trying to tie weapons to his body. He finally wound up with a sword on each hip, and one sticking up over each shoulder. He was just certain that he looked like the Chinese Period Drama Hell version of a paunchy, middle-aged, middle manager in a sports car. He was someone who was trying too hard. He finally opened up the pouches and found money. It turned out that the sum total value of four lives was exactly nine copper coins and one silver coin. He didnt know what that was worth in this world, pausing briefly to shove back against the other-knowledge when it tried to tell him, but he suspected it wasnt much. Are you a bounty hunter? asked Remdell. Terry looked up and frowned. He shook his head. No. I just sort of stumbled into all of this. I wasnt looking for trouble. Well, theres usually bounties on bandits. Cultivators dont normally bother with them, but its a way to earn some coin if youve got the skills for it. You can probably collect if you take them to the next big town. The thought of dragging four rotting corpses however the hell far that next big town was held zero appeal. Its probably not worth taking the bodies that far. All you really need are their heads, admitted Remdell. Before the image of himself hacking at the bodies could take root in his brain, Mira piped up. I can do it! Terry watched in stunned silence as the girl ran over to the cart, dug around, and came up with an axe. Hed assumed that life was probably cheap in this place. After all, someone had filled his head with skills that were quite obviously intended to relieve other living things from the burdens of continued metabolic function. Yet, watching a teenage girl dutifully chopping at the necks of those dead men drove that point home more definitively than any amount of other-knowledge. Life here was worth nothing. That was something that Terry realized he was going to have to get right with and damn quick, or he was not going to live long enough to have all the regrets he expected to stack up in this Darwinian hellhole. Terry started assembling what he thought of as Rules to Survive By. Rule number one, avoid the stupidly pretty people. Rule number two, life has no intrinsic value here. He was busy trying to think up a third rule when Mira came jogging back over. While shed been all forward and aggressive earlier, she suddenly seemed shy and even blushed a little when she held out a sack toward him. It was like she was giving some boy her first Valentines Card and not forking over a sack of severed human heads. For at least the hundredth time since he arrived, Terry thought, What the fuck? Not sure what else to do, he took the sack. I wish there was something else we could do thank you, said Remdell. I dont suppose you have any water in that cart? asked Terry. He was certain that he wasnt going to be keeping any food down anytime soon. He had remembered hearing something about how human beings would die if they went more than three days without water. It might have just been one of those internet lies like saying dating apps work, but it seemed like a stupid thing to mess around with. Remdell brightened up and led Terry over to the cart, where he filled a cup with water several times as Terry greedily drank the liquid down. Hed become so used to the idea that tap water tasted like it had come out of someones pool that he didnt quite know how to process water that tasted clean. He forced himself to stop after the third cup. He didnt know how much water these people had for their trip. Plus, he suspected that water wasnt going to be that hard to come by given the amount of greenery around them. Terry was about to walk away when he spotted something in the back of the cart. He pointed at it. I dont suppose you have another one of those youd be willing to part with? asked Terry, his eyes fixed on the rice hat. Remdell gave the blonde girl a positively smug smile and said, A man of fine taste. Or a thug without taste, muttered the girl. Terry had yet to pass a single word directly with Harena, and he was already done with her. Remdell ignored the comment. He plucked the hat from the cart and held it out to Terry. Its the least I can do, said the man. Terry took the hat, plopped it on his head, and snugged the strings under his chin. Once it became clear that they were all headed in the same direction, Remdell suggested that they travel together. Harena looked at her father like the man had lost his very last marble, while Mira looked overjoyed. Tovan proved that little boys everywhere were the same by starting what would become an endless string of questions. Terry had the sneaking suspicion that Remdell wanted some muscle on hand in case some other bad thing happened, but that didnt bother Terry. That was a motive he could understand. And these people had water. Itll be a nice journey south, thought Terry. Just me, the farmers, and my blood-soaked sack of heads. Chapter 5 – Dead Back Home Terry was standing in line at the DMV, listening to some woman try to passive-aggressively get the clerk behind the countera hard-faced man who was probably around when God made the earth and also clearly wasnt moved by the womans complainingto do some damn thing or other. What Terry couldnt figure out was why he was so happy to be stuck at the very end of that line. He was overjoyed by the fluorescent lighting, the vaguely off smell in the air, and the knowledge that no one was trying to make him march north to face an army of evil. Army of evil? I wonder where the hell that idea came from, thought Terry. Then, he woke up to the lingering scent of woodsmoke and morning light peeking through the forest canopy. It all came rushing back to him. Truck-kun. The stupidly pretty people. The sack full of heads. Oh, and the girl, Mira, who tried to cuddle up with him in the middle of the night. Hed shut that shit down as hard as he could. The farmer might feel friendly toward him, but nothing good would come of the man waking up to his daughter cozied up to some stranger. Murders started that way. I never thought Id feel homesick for the goddamn DMV, but here we are. What I wouldnt give to have some Karen holding up the line be my biggest problem. At least those farmers had an extra blanket to share. Knowing he wouldnt be able to fall back asleep, Terry got up and folded the blanket. He made sure he didnt put it down too close to the sack of heads. It wasnt leaking constantly anymore, thank the gods, but it still looked sort of damp to him. No reason to get bandit blood on their blanket. He walked over to where the fire had been cheerfully crackling away the night before and stared at it helplessly. Hed gone camping exactly one time in his before life and tending the fire had not been part of his duties. If Id known some homicidal delivery truck was going to hurl me into another world where Id need these kinds of skills, Id have learned them, thought Terry before he sighed. No. No, I wouldnt have. Id have read about them online. Of course, he reasoned that even theoretical knowledge would have been better than no knowledge in this situation. He was still glaring at the charred remainders of the campfire when Mira came over, gave him a questioning look, then picked up a stick and stirred the ashes. What had looked like a patch of scorched, lifeless remains suddenly revealed itself to be a bed of red coals. She dropped a couple of small pieces of wood on the coals. Im so helpless at this stuff, bemoaned Terry. It was almost enough to make him poke at the other-knowledge to see if had some useful information. Almost. Terry had, like most sci-fi and fantasy geeks, fantasized about how awesome it would be if he really could download skills and info into his brain, Matrix-style. The actual experience was not at all like he imagined it would be. Hed just assumed that it would seamlessly integrate into his existing knowledge. Instead, it felt like someone had dropped the worlds heaviest fucking anchor into the center of his consciousness. It just sat there, no, it loomed there. He couldnt shake the feeling that if he tried to access it on purpose, Terry, as he understood himself, would simply cease to exist. The Terry who wandered away after would be a fully-fledged denizen of Chinese Period Drama Hell, no doubt equipped with sociopathy and a murder hard-on. Not things that Terry had ever aspired to, even if they might make life easier here. Is there something I can do to help? he asked Mira. She paused from her flurry of morning activities, squinted in thought, and then shrugged. Not really. Oh. Well, okay, said a dejected Terry. Hed rarely felt quite so useless. Hed never been one of those annoyingly competent guys who seemed to pick up useful skills at the drop of a hat. On a good day, he could put together one of the big box store bookcases without injuring himself too badly. Hang a shelf? Install a garbage disposal? Fix a car? There were people for that, and hed been supremely grateful that there were people for that. His world had been dominated by code and apps. Roughing it meant a long weekend without a Wi-Fi connection. His version of picking up useful skills meant figuring out the basics of another programming language or this weeks most popular framework. Now he was in a place where debugging would literally mean killing bugs. And theyre probably all the size of a car, he thought. He immediately pictured wasps with stingers as long as his leg and shuddered at the thought. Accepting that he brought zero utility value to the morning routine, he mostly just stayed out of the way. He wandered out to the road and looked for other travelers or signs of bandits, but it was still early in the morning. Finding signs of neither, he went back to the campsite. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Remdell was cooking something at the reborn campfire that smelled Terry wouldnt say it smelled good, but it didnt smell poisonous. That was good enough. Unfortunately, Harena was also up. She was brushing out her hair but made a point to stop and meet the sight of his return with her usual expression of loathing and disdain. He honestly couldnt wait to get clear of her but there was so much he didnt know about this world. Things he couldnt ask outright without exposing himself as someone who clearly didnt come from this world. So, he was forced to engage the farm family in conversation and try to glean things like social customs and a basic sense of the surrounding area from context clues. He had at least managed to shut down any deep questioning about his past by saying that he came from the north. It was technically true. It gave the impression that he was fleeing from the war, which was also technically true. Just not true in the way that they assumed. It was pretty clear from the way they all awkwardly traded glances that they thought hed lost his home or family or something like that to the invading army. When he thought about it, Terry realized that was also true, just not the way they thought it was. Hed lost a whole damn planet with no obvious way to return. Fuck. I bet they all think Im dead back home. Some poor person had probably found his mangled remains in that park. The cops probably had no clue what to make of it. Hed seen enough police procedurals to know that the medical examiner would probably say he had injuries consistent with being struck by a vehicle. The cops would insist that wasnt possible. It seemed all too likely that the magic of Truck-kun wouldnt leave any forensic evidence behind. He would become one more case that never got solved. One swiftly forgotten as newer cases, higher profile cases, and cases with some, you know, actual evidence took precedence. His mother had passed away a few years early, which had been horrible at the time but was now a source of relief. At least shed been spared the misery of his unsolved death. He probably still had a father out there, somewhere. Of course, that bag of dicks had checked out so early that Terry had no memories of him, save for one random postcard the guy had sent from Bali. Bali! The prick had actually possessed the nerve to send a postcard from a goddamn tropical paradise while Terrys mother was working two jobs. If he could have struck someone dead just by wishing for it, his father would have died that day. That just left his sister, Lindsey. Yeah, she would be sad and probably confused. For all that, though, she was probably the best equipped to deal with it. They had never been that close. Hed been younger, introverted, obsessed with video games and all the other things that turned socially inept teenage boys into socially inept computer programmers. She had been more interested in living life as a functional human being, with friends, relationships, and a family of her own. A family that lived far away on the other side of the country. They spoke infrequently, saw each other rarely, and she usually did most of the talking. She talked about her kids, their activities, her husband, her job, going to therapy, and the twenty-seven things she did in her spare time. She was like the poster child for over-scheduling. Then, hed talk for five minutes. Same job. Same apartment. No girlfriend. Good talk! Lets do it again in six months. Terry had never really known what people were talking about when they said crap about living their best life, but reflecting on what hed left in his wake convinced him that he had not been living his best life. For all that, though, it had still been his life and those damned stupidly pretty people had stolen it from him. Not to give him a better life, but to fight a war for them. It firmly pushed the whole absentee dad thing into second place for the whole bag of dicks award. Screw those people, and their fancy robes, and their ridiculous good looks. They can fight their own war. Im going to keep going south. He didnt know what he was going to do there, but almost anything had to be better than following the heros journey. Maybe Ill work in a shop. Im good with numbers. Do they have bookkeepers in Chinese Period Drama Hell? If not, he could invent the job. Terry was so engrossed in his own thoughts that he barely registered it when they had packed up the little campsite. Hed just sort of trudged along by the cart, eyes on the ground, sack of heads swinging by his side, thinking about what he could do that did not involve fighting. It wasnt until one of the girls screamed that he realized anything was wrong. There was an almost nihilistic resignation in Terry when he looked up. He wanted to be surprised, or horrified, or anything really, but he mostly just felt dead inside. Reaching up to rub at his eyes, Terry said, Of course, theres a monster. Chapter 6 – To Battle… Terry was once again filled with an intense desire to just leave. This was more of that hero bullshit. It was straight out of a volume of some isekai manga. The wayward traveler from another world makes Well, Terry hesitated to call the farmer and his family friends. The wayward traveler inherits some mostly inoffensive companions, only to be confronted with some monster that requires him to dig deep and find his true heroic spirit. Which, Terry admitted, made perfect sense if your wayward traveler was a 17-year-old virtual shut-in who had been recently been rubbed up on by a busty farm girlor any girlfor the very first time ever. That would invoke the Power of Lust and blind the wayward traveler to the Harsh of Facts. Fact: fighting monsters in general, and especially monsters you knew nothing about, was stupid. Jumping into that kind of fight only made sense if the libido was calling the shots and getting enthusiastic backing from a teenage sense of indestructibility. Terry was no Lothario, but he had been to college. An environment almost specifically designed to let even the most socially awkward people find at least one or two people who would sleep with them. That meant that he had been in the presence of naked women before. All hail the power of beer-driven decisions. There had even been a couple of disastrous, mutually disappointing flings along the way. There was Mary, thought Terry. That could have worked. Maybe. If wed both tried a little harder. Focus, Terry ordered himself. So, pleasant as it might be to have a pair of big boobs pressed up against him, it wasnt enough to make him spring into heroic, self-destructive action. Of course, the first time Terry was up against this decision, it had been easy. They were strangers. Rule number two had applied. Now, they werent strangers. They had shared their campsite and even their food with him. It hadnt been good food. God in heaven, Remdell was a terrible cook. But it had been what they had to offer, and they had shared it with him, someone who really was a stranger. Plus, Mira had done him the solid of beheading those bandit corpses. Something he was pretty sure he never would have worked up the nerve to do. Fuck me. Did rule number two just get checkmated by the Power of Conscience? Terry examined his own feelings. Son of a bitch. Heaving a sigh, he walked up to the front of the cart. Harena was stone-faced, her arms wrapped protectively around Mira as the younger woman sobbed in terror. Tovan was curled up into a tiny ball in the back of the cart, his eyes as big as plates. Remdell was holding the reins with a white-knuckle grip, his eyes locked on the beast ahead. Terry looked from them to the monster. He honestly had no idea what it was supposed to be. It had a vaguely dragon-like body with two legs, but what looked like the head of a chicken. If it wasnt so big, itd just look ridiculous. Like something a child made up. If not for its leathery wings, he doubted the thing could have maintained its balance. What the hell is, he took another hard look, that thing? Its a cockatrice, you ignorant brute, snapped Harena. Terry turned what he hoped was a potent glower on the girl. He decided that it must have been pretty good because the girl had the decency to blush. What do you usually do in these situations? asked Terry. Run? Hide? asked Remdell. From the questioning tone of his voice, it seemed pretty clear that the man had, against all odds and reason, never actually faced a similar situation before. How the hell had this guy reached middle age without ever once being confronted with a monster on the road? Terry had been traveling on this road for less than two days and already had it happen. Oh, or is the world doing this to me, specifically? That one was probably a coin toss. There wasnt enough data to be sure. The cockatrice let out a bellowing roar-crow noise that shook the whole area. Mira started screaming again, and even Harena had gone the color of freshly bleached sheets. This doesnt make any sense, thought Terry. Ive had enough time to have a short conversation over here and that thing hasnt moved. If its a rampaging beast, its not doing a very good job. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Quiet! shouted Terry. Mira stopped screaming. The cockatrice stopped whatever the hell noise it was making. Everyone was looking at him. Terry took a couple of steps forward. The ox that was harnessed to the cart looked over at him, its expression one of placid acceptance. Thats a mystery for later, decided Terry. He glared at the enormous monster that had fixed him with its yellow bird eyes. Get out of the road, said Terry, making a shooing gesture. The cockatrice cocked its chicken head to one side. Yes. You! You big chicken-lizard monstrosity. Move! The monster kept standing there, not attacking, but not moving. Maybe it needs some encouragement, thought Terry. He reached down and picked up a loose rock that fit comfortably in his hand. Go on! Go! shouted Terry. He drew back his arm and, after a moment of consideration, threw the stone at the creature as hard as he could. The rock shot away as if hed fired it from a cannon. A split-second later, there was a noise like a small clap of thunder and an explosion of rock dust around the cockatrices head. The monster let out a squawk-roar of surprise and pain, then turned and fled into the forest. I didnt think that was actually going to work. Terry stared for a while in the direction the monster had gone, mostly to make sure it didnt decide to circle back to try actually rampaging. The thing had left a huge swath of destruction in its wake. There were felled trees and huge limbs had been broken off at the trunk. If they have forest rangers here, someones going to be pissed about that. Not my problem, though, thought Terry as he turned back to the cart. He was immediately caught in Miras busty embrace. I cant believe you made it run away! she shouted in his ear while enthusiastically squeezing him. Im going to go deaf if she keeps yelling in my ear like that. You really are a hero! she shouted. Somehow, the mechanics of it completely eluding Terry, the girl managed to jump up and down without ever actually releasing him from the vice-like hug shed caught him in. Terry sighed and patted the girl on the back. Once. Twice. Three times. Sure, he said. Harena didnt share her sisters enthusiasm for Terrys exploits based on the way she had stared glaring at him again. What does it take to get on that girls good side? I saved them from bandits and scared away the chicken-lizard. Maybe setting the expectation bar a little too high there, sweetheart? Tovan finally peeked his head up from the back of the cart and looked around. When he saw that the monster was gone, he slumped back down in relief. Terry looked to Remdell, hoping that some dad authority would peel the girl off of him again. Apparently, he only got to play that card the one time. Remdell was slumped over, face in his hands. The guy looked like he was crying, or praying, or both maybe. Terry wasnt sure why. The chicken-lizard, cocka-something had been big and loud, but it hadnt actually attacked any of them. Then, it ran away. Now, I just need to figure out a way to run away from this human octopus. Mira, said Terry. Yes, she said, staring at him with sparkling eyes. Im going to need my chest back. Kind of hard to walk without it. The girl pouted at him, but finally let go. Terry walked over to where hed unconsciously dropped the sack of heads. He picked it up and, not putting his nose too close, he sniffed the air. Hed expected the bag to start stinking and attracting insects, but it hadnt. Was the sack some kind of magic burlap? He almost opened it to see if the heads had started to decay, and then immediately discarded that obviously stupid plan. There was nothing in that sack that he wanted to see. Even the idea of it was enough to make his stomach start to do unpleasant things. He stood awkwardly by the cart thinking that he should say something comforting or supportive. Except, supportive comfort wasnt really his bag. He did the only thing he knew to do. He reached out and patted Remdell on the back. Once. Twice. Three times. Chapter 7 – Goodbye, Sack of Heads While they had passed through a few villages along the way, Remdell assured Terry that he should wait until they reached the town of New Lushion to cash out the bandit heads. Apparently, there was some kind of guild there that would pay him more. With no better information to go on, Terry agreed. When they entered the town, though, Terry wasnt sure if he should feel disappointed or baffled. The place looked like what he imagined medieval European towns looked like. This is more like one of those weird anime movies that jumble up Eastern and Western influences, thought Terry. The next thing I know, theres going to be some creepy, powerful church organization thats just full of zealots looking to kill everyone who likes the color green because green is the color of some long-dead pagan god thats prophesied to rise again and plunge the world into eternal darkness. As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Terry stopped walking. He realized what hed done as soon as he did it, but it was too late. Hed had the idea. It was in the universe now. Did I just invoke the self-fulfilling prophecy? Wait, did I just death flag myself? Panic started to well up inside of him, threatening to overwhelm reason before he remembered something. I didnt say it out loud! Oh, thank God. He started breathing again and jogged to catch up with the farmers cart. He still couldnt shake the impression that the whole place didnt really fit the whole cultivation novel impression hed started with. Im going to have to start calling this place something else. Anime hell, maybe? Animanga Hell? No, thats stupid. Screw it. Im just going to call it Chinese Period Drama Hell. Then, they rounded a corner, and a huge, sprawling building that just screamed, Im A Church, was revealed. Almost against his will, Terry looked over at Remdell. Whats that place? he asked. Thats the church. Didnt you have those up north? asked Remdell, giving him a strange look. Dammit, that was too much ignorance. Stupid self-fulfilling prophecy. I look suspicious now. Deflect. Deflect! We did, said Terry hurriedly. They were just more modest. Nothing as big as this. Oh, yes, this is a grand church. Everyone is very proud of it. Tovan nodded happily, his eyes bright. Even Mira smiled at the church. Harena, on the other hand, gave the building a look of such blind hatred that Terry almost took a step back. Clearly, all was not well between her and whatever god they worshiped in this world, or maybe it was just the church. He wasnt about to ask. She saw him looking at her, and he got more of the usual loathing expression. Im not going to miss those looks, he thought. Not one little bit. Terry took the break in the conversation to fall back a little. He didnt see any reason to draw more attention to himself and his ignorance. Remdell pulled the cart to a stop near an intersection. This is where we part ways for now, said the farmer, pointing down the cross-street. If you go into that building at the end of the street, the one with the plaque on the front, youll be able to trade in those bandit heads for some coin. I appreciate the directions, said Terry, feeling confident that this was a great time for them all to never see each other again. Happy to help. Least I can do after you saved us twice. Now, were headed to the market. Its straight down this street, said the farmer, pointing directly ahead. We stay at an inn called the Farmers Rest. Terry lifted an eyebrow at that. The Farmers Rest? Remdell chuckled. I know. The man who bought the place doesnt have much imagination. But the place is clean. Prices are reasonable. Well, theyre reasonable for in town. Good to know, said Terry. Maybe, Ill see you there later. Just as he was about to make good his departure, Mira jumped down from the cart, ran over to him, and wrapped him in a teary-eyed, assets-pressing hug. Tovan watched the whole thing with a vaguely confused look, while Harena glared at him in the least shocking turn of events ever. Remdell just shook his head. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Thank you so much for saving us, the teen gushed. Youre my hero. In what had become an ironclad tradition, Terry gave her back the three requisite pats, then spoke the mandated word. Sure. Much to Terrys relief, she only hung on him for about thirty seconds longer than was actually necessary. Then, she trudged over to the cart and climbed back in. Remdall and Tovan waved, while Harena ignored him, and Mira turned her face away. A move that might have been more effective if he hadnt seen the tears. A reaction that seemed monumentally overblown, given just how little she knew about him. This place is so strange, thought Terry. Oh well, time to get paid. Walking down the street without the farmers cart right next to him felt a little odd, but it was also liberating. That annoying, ill-defined sense of responsibility hed felt toward the family had finally lifted. He could just get whatever money the bandits were worth and go. No hard feelings. All the same, he had a feeling that the farmers had provided him with a certain amount of camouflage. If the stupidly pretty people were looking for him, which felt almost inevitable to him, theyd likely be looking for lone travelers. One more man trundling along next to a farmers cart wasnt likely to draw that much attention. Well, it probably wouldnt, except for the swords. Those still made him feel conspicuous, especially because he wasnt at all confident that hed suddenly be able to use one again if the need arose. The other-knowledge sort of stirred and rumbled in his head like it was going to do something, so he shoved against it with all his might until it quieted down. The last thing he wanted to do was test his Terry becomes a sociopathic douchebag with a murder-boner theory. He was saving that for a truly desperate hour. Something else that felt like an inevitability. He was going to do his best to avoid things that might end with him in a desperate hour situation, but the Wheel of Destiny seemed determined that he was going to keep getting a poop emoji on every spin. Shaking off that surreal thought, Terry walked up the steps of the building. He stopped long enough to look at the stone plaque. It was shaped a bit like a shield with a crossed sword and arrow in relief. Across the top of the plaque was one word: Adventurers. Theres been everything else in this grab-bag of misery, thought Terry. Why not throw an adventurers guild into the mix? He opened the door and walked inside. He didnt really have any expectations, so he wasnt disappointed or excited by what he saw. There were a few tables scattered throughout the large open room, most of them occupied. The people occupying them, though, were a strange mix. He saw a few that he slotted firmly into the stupidly pretty people category. They looked definitively Asian and wore versions of the ornate robes hed seen on the jackholes who had originally summoned him to this world. They also kept to themselves. The rest of the tables were occupied by people who looked solidly Western or Eurasian. Some of them wore robes, while others wore shirts and pants, and some even had various kinds of armor. Terry didnt know anything about armor, though, so he had no idea if it was special or garbage. There was a counter at the back of the room that might have served as a bar in another location. It might be one here, too, for all I know. There was a neatly dressed woman standing behind the bar giving him a questioning look, though. He did his best to affect nonchalance as he made his way over to the counter. Yes, said the woman in a professionally bored voice. I killed some bandits on my here. I was told there might be a bounty for them, and that I should come here. We do require proof of the kills. Terry held up the sack. Will their heads do? The woman lifted an eyebrow and a smidgen of respect might have crept into her features. She gestured that he should hand her the sack, which he did, feeling a little reluctant about it. Hed been carrying that thing around for days. It almost felt wrong to give it up. Terry wasnt sure what hed expected, but the woman calmly dumping the heads onto the counter hadnt been it. His stomach started to lurch around, but the heads werent the decaying horrors that hed expected. They were definitely human heads, and definitely dead, but the skin had simply gone a grayish color. Maybe that sack really is magical, thought Terry. Or maybe things just work differently here. The woman asked him for a few details about where it had happened, then reached under the counter and pulled out a stack of papers. She rifled through the papers, occasionally comparing an image on one to the heads. When she found a match, she slapped the paper against the head. There was a tiny flash of light, and the paper seemed to affix itself. When it was all said and done, she counted out seven silver coins and two dozen copper coins. She put them into a pouch and offered it to him along with the empty sack. He accepted them both, wondered where he could wash the sack, and turned to go. Youre not going to haggle? she asked. He looked at her and asked, Would it get me more coins? No, she admitted, but everyone does it. Terry frowned thoughtfully before he shrugged. Why waste both our time? The woman shifted her gaze out to the rest of the room. That is how a professional behaves, she announced. Oh, for fucks sake, bemoaned Terry internally. Lady, you are going to get me jumped in the parking lot. Chapter 8 – Here’s Your Poop Emoji Given the number of unfriendly stares that were being directed his way, Terry did not take his time in leaving. Youve got the money. Just get the hell out of Dodge. There is absolutely no reason to stick around now. For a few, beautiful, glorious seconds, he thought his skedaddle-at-speed plan might actually work. Hed gotten out the door and down the steps. If anyone was going to follow him, they would have already Hey friend, said a man from about where the door to the Adventurers Guild would be. Terry kept walking, but he felt something shift in that other-knowledge. He braced himself for some kind of intrusion into his thoughts, but nothing like that happened. The only thing he noticed was a little surge of warmth near his stomach, and then all of his senses seemed to find a new gear. It was disorienting as hell for a second or two when he could suddenly smell the woman who was fifty yards away and hear the breathing of the men, three of them, behind him at the door of the guild. If he hadnt been the victim of Truck-kuns tender affections, and been hurled into Chinese Period Drama Hell, and chased off a What was that stupid monster called? A chickatrick? No, that wasnt it. If he hadnt chased off the chicken-lizard and all that other stuff, magically finding his senses enhanced probably would have left him dazed and terrified for a week. At this point, though, hed have been more surprised if he couldnt do shit like that, even if he didnt understand how he was doing it. Problems for later, he told himself. Hey friend, said the same voice. That voice did not sound friendly to Terry, so he decided to just keep going. He was steadily putting distance between him and them. A result which he saw as an unalloyed good. He did allow himself a moment to mentally glare at the Wheel of Destiny and think, God damn poop emoji. Dont you walk away from me! Dont you know who I am?! shouted the man. Terrys attention seemed to zoom in on what was happening behind him. It wasnt anything as clear as vision, but he seemed to be able to gauge the approximate distance between himself and the three men. He was aware of their general positions and even their shapes. There was a skinny, shorter person in the middle. Mr. Shouty, thought Terry. Flanking him to either side were two much larger figures. Even though things like geometry and trigonometry had always been weak areas for him back in his education days, he somehow knew what kind of angle an attack would come from. He almost watched as the short man drew back his arm and threw something at Terry. It was as if he could feel the air moving ahead of whatever it was. He knew how fast it was moving and exactly when it would crash into the back of his head. A split-second before it would have done just that, Terry tilted his head to one side. Something whistled past his ear and then crashed into a cart down the street, very nearly taking off a little boys head. It was only then that something else seemed to take possession of Terry. He felt his body turn, watched as something else seemed to lift his arm, and saw his finger point at the shorter man. Then, he heard his own voice shouting in indignant rage. That bastard just tried to murder that little boy! Everyone within earshot looked. The short man still had his hand extended, a malicious smile on his face. It was only after he saw Terry thrusting the Finger of Accusation at him that he seemed to realize what was happening. The short man, who was dressed in very nice clothes, tried to calm the angry people. No. No. it was just An accident. It was just an accident. You tried to murder that child by accident, something shouted using Terrys mouth. Look at that cart. That doesnt look like an accident. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. The people in the street were getting angry now. The boy, who had been stunned at first, finally seemed to realize that something terrible had almost happened to him. He was clinging to a burly man and trying to hold back sobs, which somehow made him look even more defenseless than open weeping would have done. People were starting to close ranks and move toward the short man and his would-be defenders. Whatever had taken hold of Terry gave the short man a vicious little smile. I invoke the Power of the Mob. Just to make sure that the fire didnt die down, actual-Terry added his own contribution to the conflagration. I bet its not the first time. How many children have you killed? That did it. The crowd that had been working itself up suddenly had something to hang their anger on. An idea. The idea of the vicious child killer. People started shouting. Demanding answers. The burly man had handed the boy over to a woman who looked livid and pulled a shovel out of his cart. He was storming toward the short man with murder in his eyes. The short man could see it too, because he turned to rush back into the guild hall, only to find the neatly dressed woman blocking his path. Her eyes were cold, icy cold, northern Siberian winter cold. The short man stumbled back from that merciless gaze before he recovered himself. You have to let me in, he shouted. You know who I am. He tried to shove past her. Terry didnt see her move, but he did hear it when her fist landed. He heard bones snapping. He definitely saw the man fly backward and land in a pile in the street. I just watched you try to commit murder, said the woman. I dont have to do anything for you ever again. By the way, if you live, your membership in the guild is revoked. Then, she stepped back inside and closed the door. That door slammed home with a noise that had to be magically enhanced somehow because it sounded the echo of doom. The injured, furious man stared up at the closed door with blank incomprehension for a moment before reality reasserted itself. The short man looked around wildly before his gaze landed on Terry. There was hate in those eyes. However, Terry suspected that there was probably hate in those eyes all the time. The short man seemed like the type who was fueled by hatred. He pointed at Terry and turned to the two big thugs who were still at the top of the steps. Kill him, the short man screamed. I guess he wants revenge more than he wants to live. The two thugs looked from the short man to Terry. They looked at the crowd of angry townspeople. They looked at each other. Then, they leapt down the steps and ran away in opposite directions. The short man was staring after one of the vanishing thugs in total disbelief, which was why the coward completely missed it when the burly man with the shovel brought that implement down on his head. Part of Terry thought he should stick around to make sure the crowd finished the job, but the rest of him thought that the best thing he could do was leave immediately. He wasnt sure what, if any, official authorities there might be in the town. Nor did he have any wish to meet them. So, he slipped away down the street, only pausing long enough to take a quick look at the wreckage of the cart. If hed harbored any doubts that the short man meant to kill him, those doubts were put to rest by the sight of that cart. It had been split nearly in two. Terry was walking down the street that led to the market by the time he saw some people in what looked like blue and white tabards with some kind of crest he didnt know stitched over their hearts. They were running down the street toward him. Theres that authority I was trying to avoid, thought Terry. He came to a stop near some townspeople and pretended to gawk at the passing men. It seemed like the safest thing he could do. If he acted like everybody else, there was no reason to pay extra attention to him. Right? Once the men had disappeared down the street where Terry had started a small riot, he continued on his way toward the market. If he was going to keep heading south, he needed to buy some food and some kind of a canteen or water skin. He was also going to need a pack of some kind to hold items. Hed have to see how much things cost before he got too extravagant in his purchase planning. He supposed he could always give the head sack a very thorough cleaning and use it as a makeshift pack. However, he hoped things didnt get quite that desperate. He did take some small comfort in the knowledge that he hadnt needed to personally end anyones life. Remember rule number two, he reminded himself. It wouldnt have been so easy to whip that mob into a murderous frenzy if they werent inclined that way already. Chapter 9 – Because, Of Course Finding the market wasnt that hard. It took up an entire small square that seemed to have been built for that express purpose. The simple part of the day ended there. Unlike most of the people who were wandering around, Terry had no idea where he should be looking to buy what. In the halcyon days of Before Chinese Period Drama Hell, comparison shopping had been stupidly easy for him. He either did it all online, or he didnt do it at all. For things like groceries, he didnt do it at all. He always shopped at the closest supermarket. That minimized his overall time investment, and he went to their website once a week to look for coupons. Hed look for good prices in that specific store but that was as far as it went. Hed rather pay an extra thirty cents for lettuce or slightly overpay on hamburger than spend hours of his time trying to maximize his savings on shopping. When it came to bigger purchases, like computer equipment or even his last car Terry came up short. Ha! At least I dont have to pay off that loan now, he thought. Take that big banking! Finally, a perk to this isekai nightmare. Still, hed been able to leverage digital omnipresence to do half the work for him in finding good deals. If there was an equivalent to the internet in this magical world, Terry certainly didnt have access to it or even know where to find it. Nor did he imagine that these stalls would have websites on the Qi-net or Mana-net or whatever theyd call it. God, what I wouldnt give for a smartphone right now, he thought. Not that I have anyone to text, but it would be such a psychological comfort. With a sigh, he resigned himself to the idea that there would be no super-helpful algorithm to help him optimize this process. Hed have to do it the hardest way possible. Hed have to go from stall to stall and, shudder, talk to people. He hated having to talk to people. It hadnt been completely intolerable with Remdell and Mira because they all had a few shared experiences to draw on. Hed done okay at the Adventurers Guild because that was purely transactional. This was different. He could see people haggling. That was a skill he did not possess. That was half the reason why hed bought his last car online. There was no point in going to a dealership if you werent going to negotiate. It was also why he hadnt gotten a real raise in three years. Standing here and staring isnt getting the job done, he thought. Put on your big boy boxers and just do it. It was exactly as terrible as he imagined it would be. Every person at every stall was highly motivated to sell their products. Nothing had prices marked, so he had no choice but to ask. It was a great way to suck someone into a high-pressure sales conversation. It took Terry almost two hours of walking between stalls to figure out that letting his hand drop to the hilt of one of the swords was a fantastic way to get someone to stop pushing. Praise be to the threat of naked violence. He had resolved not to buy anything until hed made at least one pass through the market. That would at least let him get a feel for what passed as standard pricing in this economic microcosm. He wasnt stupid enough to think that he could extrapolate anything from these prices to the broader world, but he could at least minimize his costs in the here and now. Programmatic thinking at work, thought Terry. I guess not all of my skills are a complete waste here. That process was temporarily derailed when he came across Remdells stall, not that he knew hed found them until he heard a squeal of delight, and Mira was pulling her octopus routine on him again. You found us! she shouted in his ear. This girl is seriously going to give me hearing loss, thought Terry. He also noticed several unhappy-looking young men in the nearby vicinity. They had the heavy builds of people who did hard manual labor for hours at a time, every single day. He didnt know if they were all farmers, but they probably were. It seemed like good odds that Mira was going to end up married to one of them if things worked the way he thought they probably did in a world like this. Hell, for all he knew, Remdell had already arranged a marriage for her. Terry dismissed that idea after a moment or two of thought. If she was engaged already, someone would probably have taken a swing at him by now. No, all those glares were from guys who just wanted to be engaged to her, or at least have a good time behind a barn somewhere. Not my monkeys, not my circus, he decided. Sure, he said. Then, he patted her back three times. In accordance with the prophecy, he snarked internally, remembering some online joke about that. He had been hoping, dimly, that Pavlovian conditioning might make her release him after the back pats, but she just snuggled in a little closer. Maybe she has a personality disorder, he thought. Wheres your father? he asked. She finally released her death grip on his chest, only to seize his hand with shocking strength and drag him toward a nearby stall. Remdell offered him a bright smile, while Hamera tried to stab him with her eyes. Tovan peered at him over the stalls wooden counter before the boy pointed at the hand that Mira was still gripping and started to snicker. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the girls cheeks start to turn red, but she didnt let go. You get things taken care of at the Adventurers Guild? asked Remdell. I did, said Terry. Lucky. I heard that there was some kind of trouble over there. Heard some people got killed. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Terry frowned at that. He hoped that was just the usual exaggeration that came with a story being told and retold, rather than the truth. After all, hed only wanted one person there to die, but it was anyones guess what the tabard guys had done on arrival. If theyd taken a stab first, ask questions later approach, it might have gotten ugly. Terry decided that the best approach was to feign ignorance. Really? What happened? he asked, as he fruitlessly tried to pull his hand free. Not sure, honestly. Theres a bunch of stories going around. One story says a man went on a rampage and killed a bunch of kids. Another version said some devil showed up and tricked everyone into killing a man. Who can say for sure whats true? Terry offered a sage nod at that bit of folk wisdom, keenly aware that he could tell them exactly what had happened up to the point that hed left. He chatted with Remdell for a few more minutes. It wasnt that they had anything to talk about, so much as Terry was happy to have a conversation that didnt involve someone trying to sell him something. He was aware of Mira sidling closer and closer to him. It finally got egregious enough that her father directed a stern look at her, and she stepped away a little, even if she didnt let go of his hand. Hamera, on the other hand, glowered at him like she wished she could set him on fire. Then, Terry made a tactical mistake and mentioned that he wasnt sure who he should be buying from. The next thing he knew, Mira was dragging him around the market and haggling like it was her money. She did end up talking down the prices like a seasoned professional, but he was rarely so relieved as when Tovan came around to fetch her. He finally got his hand back. The trip to the market had swallowed the afternoon entirely and evening was prompting people to start closing up for the day. While Terry wasnt good at haggling, he did know that that was the best time to get a deal. People didnt want to cart things home that they could sell, even if they did only break even. So, he haunted the stalls and managed to pick up some root vegetables that should hold up for a while, along with a bit of dried meat. Even getting deals, hed burned through a lot of what little money he had managed to put together. Mira had gotten him a sturdy sack and a small pot for a few silvers. That had hurt. Another big chunk of his dwindling funds had been whittled down with necessities like a flint, blanket, waterskin, a hunk of canvas that he could make into a makeshift tent, a rope, food, a couple of shirts, and another pair of pants. Hed also gotten a map. It wasnt a great map, but it did at least give him a general idea of where other towns were in the area. When it became clear hed probably end up spending at least one night in the town, hed set aside enough to cover a room at the inn Remdell had mentioned. Hed be terrifyingly broke after that, but he wasnt going to starve for a while. Getting isekai-ed has simplified my life, thought Terry. Im at the bottom of that hierarchy of needs. When even the last holdouts at the market were giving up, Terry called it a day. He didnt have enough money left to buy anything anyway, so might as well see to getting some shelter for the night. Navigating in the descending darkness proved trickier than hed expected. It was easy to get turned around on the unfamiliar streets, especially with no streetlights. He ending having to backtrack three times before he finally saw the sign for the Farmers Rest. He was so focused on the door that he almost missed it. It was only after hed passed by that something in that other-knowledge stirred. Hed only caught a glimpse. Now that it had been brought to his attention, though, he had to make a decision. He really, genuinely, honestly wanted to do nothing. He didnt like Harena, even if it was only in reaction to her obvious dislike of him. But Mira had done him a good turn that afternoon, and Terry liked Remdell. The man was uncomplicated, honest, and had been generous in his way. Leaving the guys daughter to fend for herself without even checking to see if there was a problem would be, in short, a dick move. Taking a couple of steps back, Terry peered into the alleyway between the inn and whatever the next building was. At first glance, it appeared normal enough. Harena was leaning back against the wall while some guy was all up in her personal space. Terry felt that telltale surge of warmth in his stomach and his senses sharpened again. The wrongness became more apparent then. The guy was smiling, but it was the kind of smile you expect to see on people who probably liked pulling the wings off of flies as children. It was cruel. As for Harena, she wasnt leaning against the wall, she was pressed against it. He could see that her hand was closed into a trembling fist. The face that had glowered at him so many times in the last few days wasnt glowering anymore. She looked angry, but she also looked afraid. The conversation he hadnt been able to hear before became audible. Why are you playing so hard to get? asked the creepy douchebag. Im not playing at anything. I will never marry you. The guy reached out and trailed a finger down her cheek. Terry could almost see Harenas skin crawl at the touch. Oh, but you will, my sweet, said the extra-creepy douchebag. Well, I guess that answers that, thought Terry. He considered saying something like, Didnt anyone ever tell you no means no? Except, he didnt imagine it would do any good. Instead, he just walked into the alley, keeping an eye out for any wingmen the D-bag might have brought along. Terry was almost on top of them before the guy noticed him. That other-knowledge was stirring again and something cold and precise filled Terrys mind. He was abruptly aware of things like centers of gravity. The D-bag spun toward him, his mouth already opening to say something that never reached the air. Before the words could come, Terrys hand shot out and grabbed the guy by the face. The man tried to recoil, so Terry helped him along by giving the face in his hand a solid push. The man let out a satisfyingly childish scream as he flopped backward onto the ground. Without a moments pause, Terry turned, grabbed Harenas hand, and started pulling her toward the mouth of the alley. They were about to step out onto the street proper when the creepy asshole started bellowing from behind them. You dare! You dare interfere with a priest of the Holy Church! Because, of course, theres a corrupt church in this world, thought Terry. Chapter 10 – Murderhobo? In movies, manga, and comic books, someone yelling at a main character that way always resulted in them stopping to turn around and have a confrontation. This was especially true if there was a damsel in distress or child in distress. Terry didnt know if there was an official name for that, but he had dubbed it the Idiot Pause. He knew as soon as he heard the creepy asshat screaming that there was going to be violence. But he was two steps away from getting Harena out of the alley, where she could run inside to invoke Safety in Muggles. It wasnt lost on Terry that this jackhole had pulled his creepy stalker moment in a dark alley at night where there werent likely to be any witnesses. The why and how of Harena getting into the situation were questions for later. Or never, thought Terry. However, if the D-Bag really was a priest, odds were good that he wasnt going to want to break the illusion that he was a good guy. Given all of that, Terry couldnt think of one good reason not to take those last two steps. Then, he could worry about what came next. He felt the slight resistance against his hand as Harena tried to turn around. Does she have some kind of death wish? Terry jerked her forward and all but threw her out into the slightly better-lit street. He fixed her with what he hoped was a serious expression. Get the fuck inside, he commanded. Harenas startled, confused expression started to turn into one of outrage when the alley behind Terry lit up with an otherworldly glow. That finally seemed to be enough to convince her that this was a bad scene that she was better off not having any part of. She turned an uncertain look on Terry as if the full consequences of events were finally starting to become clear to her. Go, he said. The last of Harenas resistance broke. She dashed toward the inns door, while Terry turned around to look at the creepy douchebag, who he was forced to upgrade to glowing creepy douchebag. On the one hand, that glow did look a little intimidating. On the other hand, the guy wasnt doing anything with it. In fact, Terry could see the sweat beading on the guys forehead, like pulling off this little stunt was some kind of extreme effort. Who knew? Maybe it was. Aside from the obvious strain in the priests demeanor, though, there was fury in his eyes. He lifted a hand and pointed at Terry. I will destroy you for this inconvenience. Inconvenience? Really? Is that a good enough reason to kill people in this world? That train of thought was derailed when the glow around the priests hand started to intensify. That other knowledge stirred again and a much more intense warmth spread out from Terrys stomach. A glowing comet of some damn kind of power or another launched from the mans hand. As if hed done it a million times before, Terry smoothly drew one of the swords at his hips. Some of that warmth passed out of him and into the blade, which took on a dull glow that was a shade of red that Terry probably would have found alarming if hed had time to think about it. The sword swept up in front of him and the flat of the blade intercepted the glowing comet of what Terry supposed must be divine magic and sent it rocketing back at the priest. The man was so stunned by the turnabout that he didnt move. The comet crashed into the creepy D-bags hand. Terry had never seen anything quite like what happened next. The glow seemed to sink into the flesh of that hand. It went briefly translucent, exposing the bones beneath, before flesh and bone alike simply vanished, as though it had been sucked away into another universe. A possibility that Terry found far more plausible than he might once have. There was a brief moment where all of reality seemed to hold its breath. The priest stared at the stump where his hand had once been with a look of stunned incomprehension. Terry considered what that might have done to his own body if it had made contact. Part of him thought that something truly terrible would have happened, while the other-knowledge seemed a lot more sanguine about their chances of survival. Then, the moment broke. The world breathed, blood geysered from the stump, and the priest started screaming. If the man kept shrieking like a banshee, it was inevitable that people would come to see what had happened. The other-knowledge seemed to flex inside his head and a coolly indifferent feeling overwhelmed Terrys hesitation. He was a stranger, and that guy was a priest. There was no version of people flocking to the alley immediately that didnt end badly for him. Before regular-Terry could offer any feedback on the decision, his body was hurtling down the alley at speeds hed previously considered purely in the realm of superheroes. The sword in his hand slid into the priests chest smoothly, as if it had encountered no resistance. The shrieking cut off and was replaced by gurgling. Terry drew the blade back out and watched with icy disregard as the other man sank to his knees. The priest stared up at Terry with almost childlike confusion. Rule number two, regular-Terry reminded himself. This man had tried to kill him for nothing more than interrupting whatever his plan had been. Something that no doubt would have been bad for Harena. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Why? asked the priest, blood dribbling over his bottom lip. Do I need a reason? asked what regular-Terry was starting to think of as other-Terry. Fine. Lets say its because no means no. The priest never lost that look of childlike confusion as the life drained from his eyes and he slumped over. After looking around to make sure there were no bystanders paying attention, other-Terry methodically searched the body and shamelessly took the mans coin purse and anything else that looked like it might have value. Regular-Terry watched this from somewhere in the back of his own head, feeling more than a little sick to his stomach. That only got worse as he watched his own hands methodically strip the priest and shove the clothes beneath a pile of stinking rubbish that no one was likely to search. Then, in one final act of desecration, other-Terry found a heavy rock. With a precision that regular-Terry had never experienced in his old world, other-Terry threw the rock with crushing force. It struck the priests face and left the remains all but unrecognizable. If he could have, regular-Terry would have vomited. Other-Terry batted aside the feeling like it was nothing. There was still work to do. Pulling the water skin out of his pack, he rinsed off his hands. He stood in the alley waving his hands back and forth to dry them off. Regular-Terry was in full-on panic mode. If hed been in charge, he would have been running down the street toward the nearest gate. It was only after most of a minute of standing around and air-drying his hands the hard way that regular-Terry even started to get his cool back. Running through the streets, desperately searching for a way out would have been both obvious as hell and supremely incriminating. While rule number two certainly applied in this world, a rule that almost certainly applied in every situation ever was that might makes right. And that big ass church that Terry had seen suggested a lot of might. They clearly had soldiers, and the church probably swung a big political dick. In other words, if they decided he was guilty of something, he was going to go down for it. Especially if his continued existence was walking talking evidence that the church made a habit of ordaining creepy D-bags. Getting rid of an embarrassment like that was a logic that Terry could appreciate, even if he didnt ever want to participate in it. Especially not if that meant participating on the losing side of the equation. No, the best thing he could do for himself at the moment was to feign normalcy and leave town in the morning along with the rest of the carts. First, he needed to get clear of the scene of the crime in a less obvious way. He made his way deeper into the alley and found that there was a makeshift walkway behind the buildings on the street. He stuck to the darkest shadows as much as he could until he got near to an actual street again. He waited there for almost ten minutes, straining his senses to pick out any sound or motion. Then, he stepped out and walked headed toward the inn from the other direction. He took his time about it. No need to rush, he told himself. Rushing is suspicious. Not that it really mattered what regular-Terry thought. Other-Terry was firmly in the drivers seat for the moment, and that bastard was so calm he probably had a resting heart rate of twelve beats per minute. That turned out to be a good thing. When he rounded the corner of the street, there were already some of those guys in tabards milling around, although he couldnt tell if theyd gone down the alley yet. Regular-Terry would have jerked to stop or turned and run. Other-Terry didnt even break stride. When the tabard guys saw him, a couple of them split off and tried to, well, regular-Terry wasnt sure exactly what they meant to do. They walked up wearing angry faces. Who are you? demanded one of the pair. Terry Williams, said other-Terry. Is there a problem? What are you doing out here? demanded the other guy. Other-Terry lifted a finger, pointed to the inn, and said, Friend of mine recommended the place. Why are you out so late? Just got into town today. I was at the market until late. Got turned around finding my way here. Whos this friend of yours? demanded the first guy. Remdell Trevane. He said he was going to be here tonight. Oh, said the tabard guys in unison before the first guy carried on. Yeah, I know Remdell. Howd you meet him? While a lot of the hostility had drained out of the guys, they were still a little suspicious. Other-Terry didnt blink an eye at it, and regular-Terry thought that was probably a good trait in guards or whatever these people were. Or it would be a good trait if he wasnt trying to avoid getting caught. I traveled with him and his family on the road for a while. Safety in numbers. Yeah, those boys of his are hard workers, said the second guy. Boys? I mean, he did have the one son. Tovan. Then, there were the girls. Mira and Harena. Regular-Terry was ready to have a heart attack just listening to this conversation. Hed have given himself away inside of five seconds. Other-Terry carried on like this was business as usual. As comforting as that was in the moment, it left regular-Terry very nervous about just what was contained in that pile of other-knowledge he worked so hard to avoid. The fact that there was something that felt like a whole other personality in there, one who didnt seem to mind murderhoboing his way through life, didnt help with those concerns. It was all working, though. After failing to trip him up, one of the tabard guys wandered away. The other one eventually went inside the inn with Terry. The man had a brief, private conversation with Remdell who, at one point, mimicked the motion of a slashing sword and pointed at Terry. That seemed to convince the man who went back outside. Terry paid for a room and flopped back onto the bed. With the crisis seemingly averted, other-Terry slipped back to wherever hed come from and regular-Terry found himself abruptly in the drivers seat again. He was just about to curl up and have himself a nice, long cry when someone knocked on his door. This day just refuses to end. Chapter 11 – For Her Own Good Grumbling and bitching under his breath, Terry got up from the bed and went over to the door. He thought about asking who it was. Of course, if it was someone who meant him harm, theyd probably just kick open the door. The guy who owned this place didnt deserve that. And if it was someone who didnt mean him harm, itd just make him look as paranoid as he felt at the moment. Basically, a lose-lose situation. So, he opened the door. Remdell was standing there, looking guilty and uncomfortable. Oh, this cant be good. Terry stepped aside and let the farmer come into the room. There was one maliciously uncomfortable chair in the room that Terry didnt offer to the Remdell. That would have been uncalled-for cruelty. The farmer didnt seem perturbed by the lack of apparent hospitality. Instead, he was shifting back and forth uncomfortably and not quite meeting Terrys eyes. What can I do for you, Remdell? The farmer glanced up at Terry for a second before his eyes dropped back to the floor. I Um I need to tell you something. But I need you to promise me something first. Whats that? asked Terry. I need you to promise me that you wont do anything rash. No, said Terry, his voice hard. What? asked Remdell, clearly shocked by the flat refusal. Terry was a little shocked by it himself. He wasnt usually that decisive or that firm with other people. He cast a suspicious mental eye at the other-knowledge. Was there some kind of leakage going on? Was he being infected with that other personality like some kind of bizarre, magical, personality-rewriting virus? The other-knowledge seemed like it was docile or even asleep. Maybe it was just all of the stress starting to catch up, shortening his temper. He focused on Remdell again. In for a penny, thought Terry. The fact that you want a promise like that means you know Im going to be angry. It also means you know Im going to be right to be angry. So, Im not going to promise that I wont do something rash. The farmer hunched in a little on himself looking miserable and defeated. Thats true enough, said the man. Its about Harena. What about Harena? asked Terry, just feeling a headache about to land on him. Shes going to tell the church what happened, in the alley I mean. She doesnt know what happened in the alley, said Terry. Im quite certain of that. She thinks she does. Terry ground his teeth. Of all the ungrateful things that someone could do, he fumed. Did she tell you what I walked in on? She did, Remdell admitted. Im grateful to you for stepping in. I never liked that boy, but I didnt know I didnt realize what hed been doing. And she wants to throw me under the Terry almost said bus, only to realize that it wouldnt mean anything to the other man. Under the cart. Based on assumptions. After I helped her? Terry was aware that there might be just a tiny little bit of hypocrisy in his words. He had actually killed that guy. Sort of. He wasnt sure exactly how much responsibility he owned and how much belonged to other-Terry, but that wasnt going to mean anything to anybody else. It had been his hands that did the deed. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. Please, begged Remdell, you have to understand. Shes always been like this. An ingrate? Yeah, I believe that. A part of Terry was glaring into the middle distance at where he imagined the powers-that-be were sitting in recliners, eating popcorn, pointing at him on some magical equivalent to a high-def TV, and laughing their asses off. Of all the people he could have met in the entire world, they had him meet some prissy, self-righteous, holier-than-thou girl who lacked the mental dexterity to tell the difference between the spirit of a principle and the letter of it. All of which conspired to make her too honest for her own good, to say nothing of his own good. Hed gone south to avoid a war, and theyd set him up to come into conflict with the, if manga and anime logic held true, absurdly powerful and corrupt church. Oh, goodie, goodie, gum drops. Shes honestly not an ingrate. Its just This is all because of her mother, said Remdell. A look of such profound loss and grief overtook Remdells face that it arrested Terrys fury enough for him to get a grip. He could see that hed been working himself up to do, well, he didnt know what. Probably something rash, he admitted to himself. How so? he asked the farmer. We didnt always live out here. We used to live in a city called Alisten. Beril, my wife, she was a paladin. Honestly, I dont know what she ever saw in me. I was just one more face in the crowd, no one special, but she took a shine to me. We didnt become farmers until after she was pregnant with Harena. She adored her mother. Always wanted to hear stories about her adventures. But Harena was so young. You simplify things for children. You tell them to always do the right thing. To always tell the truth. You know youre going to have to explain that things are more complicated later, but life has a way of getting you off track. When the war started in the north, Berils old friends came looking for her. Begged her to go with them. She told them no, but I could see it in her eyes. She wanted to go. To fight. To be a paladin again. So, I told her to go, and she did. She never came back. We got word eventually that she fell in battle. Im sorry, said Terry. Its hard losing people, but Im not sure I see the connection. Remdell took a shuddering breath and said, The very last thing Beril told Harena was to always do the right thing. To always tell the truth. After her mother died, it became this thing, like it was just set in stone inside of her. I was so lost after we found out Beril died that I wasnt a very good father. When I finally came out of my own grief, I couldnt get through to her that there was such a thing as too much truth. That always telling the whole truth could do more harm than good. Terry considered that in silence for several moments. He wasnt a parent. Hed never lost a spouse. He had a very limited understanding of what those kinds of things did to people. Hed been an adult when his mother died. He wouldnt have claimed to anyone that hed handled it well, but he had processed it through an adult lens. So, his common ground with Harena there was exceedingly small. He got that she wanted to keep to something that her mom had told her to do, but there were limits. Sanity had to have a voice somewhere. Look, principles are Theyre good and stuff, I guess, but this isnt going to be some minor inconvenience for me. The people the church will send after me arent going to try to arrest me. There wont be a trial. They will come to kill me, which means Ill have to kill them if I want to live. You know it. I know it. And unless shes telling herself a lot of lies, your daughter knows it too. She doesnt get to condemn people to death just because she wants to feel like shes doing the right thing. Shes not a child anymore, so its sure as shit time that she stops acting like it. I know! I know! I just dont know how to stop her, said Remdell with that pleading tone in his voice again. Terry was getting angry again. This girl was playing around with peoples lives like they didnt matter. Not that Terry had a personal investment in whoever the church was going to send. They might all be evil bastards who had it coming, but they might not be. If they were just the equivalent of some beat cops trying to get through their shift and back home to their families, he didnt want to have to kill them. He shouldnt have to carry that because Little Miss Glares-A-Lot was living in a fantasy world where doing the right thing meant screwing over people who helped you. If you cant get it through her head, then I will. Where is she? Please dont kill her, begged Remdell falling to his knees and clutching at Terrys shirt. It was the single most awkward, uncomfortable thing that had ever happened in Terrys life, and that was a high bar to reach. Hed once been pantsed in the high school cafeteria. Hed honestly thought that was going to be the high-water mark for personal embarrassment. Yet, here I am. I cannot believe people have power fantasies about shit like this. How fucked up does the wiring in your brain have to be to want to see a grown man grovel and cry? Chapter 12 – Punishment Get up, for Gods sake, said Terry. Im not going to kill her. But if I cant get through to her, you are going to take her out of this town bound and gagged in the back of your cart first thing in the morning. Remdell looked like he was going to sag back to his knees in relief. Thank you. Thank you. Now, where is she? Remdell took him to another room, hesitated, and then opened the door. Mira and Harena were sitting on a bed. Tovan was on the floor, tossing a small ball between his hands. Mira started to smile when she saw Terry, but that look faded when she saw the expression on Terry and her fathers faces. Harena tried to put on a haughty expression that immediately cracked into one that bordered on fear. Terry looked at Mira and Tovan. I need to talk to your sister. Privately. Go with your father. Mira nodded woodenly, grabbed Tovans hand, and pulled her confused brother past Terry into the hall. Harenas eyes shot to her father. What is the meaning of this, father? she demanded. He looked at her with a little guilt and a lot of resignation on his face. He shook his head. You brought this on your own head. I tried to tell you, but you wouldnt listen to me. A look of true panic crossed Harenas face as Terry shut the door. Why so concerned? asked Terry, Oh, you didnt think youd actually have to face me, did you? Im not afraid of you, she said rising to her feet and trying to put on a brave face. Be quiet, you ungrateful little girl. I am not a little girl! she shouted, fury displacing her fear for a moment. Yes, you are. Only children repay kindnesses with slights. Doing whats right isnt a slight, she said and lifted her chin in defiance. Grow up. This isnt a game where you get points for being the most self-righteous. Youre playing with peoples lives. My life. A life Ive already risked for you. The lives of the people the church will send after me. Except, you arent the one who will have to live with that blood on your hands. Well then, if youre in such a hurry to see me dead. Do it yourself. Terry drew one of the swords and held it out to her. She stared at it like it was made of poison. What are you doing? she demanded backing away. Im just cutting out the middle man. What youre doing only ends with someone dead. Im just making sure that youre the one who has to live with it. Take the sword. No. No! That isnt what I want. Youre twisting it all around. Not thinking things through to their inevitable conclusion. Another mark of a childs thinking, he said, thrusting the swords hilt closer to her. If youre not ready to do the killing yourself, maybe you should be a little less eager to make it happen. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. Youre not going to trick me. I know whats right. Oh, I see the mistake I made now, said Terry, putting the sword back into its scabbard. I tried to talk to you like an adult. Well, since that didnt work, Ill just have to punish you for your misbehavior like the little girl you are. Harenas face twisted in confusion. Punish? Yes. Punish. You dont get to play God with other peoples lives and go unpunished. Before Harena could make sense of what was happening, Terry grabbed her by the scruff on the neck. She froze in place, stunned by the rough treatment. It was only after Terry sat down on the bed and bent her over his knee that she finally understood what was happening. She started thrashing like a wildcat, but Terry didnt hesitate before he brought his hand down on her ass. Hard. She yelped, thrashed some more, and yelped again when his hand came down again. Its a primitive world, Terry told himself. You have to go in for primitive punishments. Not that the thought really helped anything. Spanking hadnt been a thing when he was growing up. The context he knew it from was more on the kink side of things, and even then it was mostly theoretical for him save for a couple of online videos hed seen. That fact that Harena looked a bit like a college co-ed didnt help either, just ramping up how inappropriate the situation felt. It didnt go on for all that long, maybe a minute or two, but it felt like a million years to Terry. He expected that it probably felt just that long to Harena as well. When the whole thing reached his maximum discomfort level, he just stood up, which dumped Harena on the floor. Her cheeks were bright red and tears streamed down her face. He couldnt tell if it was shame, pain, embarrassment, or rage. Probably all four, knowing her, thought Terry. Not much fun, is it? Having someone else decide whats right and act on it. Having someone else take all of your choices away. He met her eyes steadily, and she lowered her head. That was definitely shame, thought Terry. Good. He walked over to the door, paused, and looked over his shoulder. You should be glad it was me. She glared up at him from the floor and said, Why is that? Isnt it obvious? Anyone else probably would have killed you rather than risk the possibility of having the church launch a manhunt for them. Apparently, it had not been obvious to Harena based on the way her eyes went all wide, and she suddenly lost all of the color in her face. Well, maybe shell think a little more and self-righteous a little less the next time shes faced with a moral decision. Terry opened the door and walked into the hall, only to come to an abrupt halt. Remdell, Mira, and Tovan were standing in the hall. Remdell looked past Terry to the still-breathing Harena and heaved a shuddering breath of relief. Mira looked at her sister with a mix of confusion and something else that Terry couldnt quite pin down. Tovan just looked baffled and a tiny bit afraid. Terry closed the door to give Harena a modicum of time and privacy to compose herself. He looked at Remdell. I think I got through to her, he said. Even so, you should keep a very close eye on her. Remdell stared at the door as though he was still seeing Harena. What did you do? asked the farmer. We talked. Then, well, she probably isnt going to sit comfortably for a while. Miras eyes went wide as she clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. Terry wasnt sure just how much Mira and Tovan knew about the situation, so he didnt want to say too much. Remdell looked flabbergasted. You didnt, said Mira when she had herself under control, her eyes gleaming with amusement. Oh, I did. If I were you, though, I wouldnt tease her about it. Theres a good chance shell claw your eyes out. Mira made a pouty face but offered a reluctant nod. Tovan looked between the adults with that same baffled expression. The mystery ultimately proved too much for the little boy''s curiosity. Tease Rena about what? he asked. It doesnt matter, said Remdell going into full dad mode. You shouldnt be teasing your sister about anything. Terry looked up and down the short hall. He saw a few people who had stuck their heads out to try to get a peek at the commotion. As soon as Terry made eye contact, they all started vanishing back into their rooms. There was a slight burning in his eyes that told him he was beyond that point where he wanted sleep and well into the zone where he needed some sleep. Nodding to Remdell, he walked back to his own room. He worried that Mira might try to follow him and launch her octopus attack, but it seemed that fate was smiling on him for once. He told himself he should take the time to remove all those swords, but just couldn''t talk himself into it. As he dropped onto the bed again, a thought occurred to him. Speaking of misbehavior, that woman at the guild set me up. I think maybe I need to pay her a little visit and negotiate an appropriate payment. Chapter 13 – Blackmail! Part 1 Terry opened his eyes. Yep, Im still in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Thats a disappointment. He winced a little as he sat up. Hed been so emotionally fatigued the night before that hed just passed out without bothering to take off any of the swords he had tied to his body. Now his back was letting him know that was a damned foolish thing to do. Pushing himself up off the bed, he tried to stretch some of the soreness out of his back as he walked over to the small window and opened it. Cool, morning air rushed into the room, relieving a bit of the stuffiness he hadnt immediately registered. It was barely dawn. Thats weird, he thought. I was sure Id sleep until noon. He was more surprised that no one had burst into his room the previous night to stab him in revenge or drag him off to some dungeon. That gave him a moment of pause. Hed initially pictured a cold cell but Does this world have LitRPG-style dungeons? It wasnt really in line with his decision to call this place Chinese Period Drama Hell, but a lot of things in this world didnt sync up with that name. He wouldnt be shocked if someone told him there were those kinds of dungeons. If there are monster dungeons in this hellscape, I need to steer clear of those, thought Terry. Nothing good ever happened in a monster dungeon. Going into one was just volunteering for that torturous advancement process he wanted no part of, thank you very damn much. Plus, he hadnt seen any sign of a LitRPG system to manage skills and advancements. That was a deep relief. Those systems had a bad habit of imposing suicidally dangerous, mandatory quests on the poor underpowered bastards who dealt with them. He could get himself into those situations all by his lonesome, no morally bankrupt system required. Shaking his head to clear away those thoughts, he closed the window and looked around the room. He hadnt seen anything like a shower since he arrived, which he took to mean that the unparalleled glory of modern plumbing hadnt been discovered here, yet. There was an empty basin sitting on a table though. I guess thatll have to do. Terry filled the basin from a waterskin and proceeded to strip down. He found himself staring down at his own torso. Since when do I have muscle definition? Most programmers he knew fell into one of two categories: skinny and overweight. Hed always leaned to the skinny side and been fitter than most of his coworkers, helped along by regular hiking. But hed never been ripped or cut or whatever this years slang was for someone with low body fat and strong muscle development. He poked at his own chest. Those muscles felt serious and solid. Fantastic. I finally look good with my shirt off, and theres not a beach or modeling industry eager to exploit me in sight. After cleaning himself up, he stared at the basin of water, unsure if he should leave it where it was or dump it out the window the way he heard people used to do in old-timey England. Feeling vaguely criminal and keeping an eye out for witnesses, he ultimately dumped the water out the window. That was followed immediately by the outraged yowling of a cat and a hellacious racket as it shot away down the alley, leaping off of things that promptly fell to the ground. Terry hurriedly shut the window and tried to look innocent before he realized that there was no one there to look innocent for. I hate this place, thought Terry before he dressed in some of the new clothes hed bought and began the tedious process of strapping swords to himself again. Hed have loved to do away with the swords entirely, but recent experience had convinced him that giving up the weapons would just end badly for him. He sighed and wished he had a toothbrush. He hadnt seen anything like that in the market. He cautiously breathed into his hand and sniffed. His breath smelled minty. Not needing to brush my teeth does not make up for anything, he muttered to the world at large. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Glancing around the room, he picked up his pack, shouldered it, and went downstairs to turn in his keys. He was surprised by how many people were there. He saw Remdell sitting with Mira, Tovan, and Hamera and eating breakfast. Remdell nodded at him while simultaneously grabbing Miras arm and keeping her at the table. Tovan waved at him. Hamera took one look at him, turned beet red, and refused to meet his eyes. Terry didnt know if that meant she was going to keep her mouth shut or not. He hoped it did, at least for a while. If he could get a week or two head start on any rumors, he expected he could just disappear and fade into the background somewhere. I might need to make up a name if I really want that disappearing thing to stick, he mused. He paused for a moment as he tried to think of another name he could use and came up blank. Hed never been good at naming things. His handles for video games were always something super-imaginative like TerryWilliams137. Ill worry about it later. He gave the innkeeper back the key to his room, waved at Remdell and his brood, and went outside. Terry considered his options. The night before, going back to the Adventurers Guild and trying to get something for his trouble had sounded like a good idea. In the cold light of day, though, he wasnt as sure. It could just turn out to be a waste of his time, and hed have to actually talk to that woman. Leaving sounded a lot more appealing, but the whole situation just stuck in his craw. No, he decided. She doesnt get to endanger me like that and get off scot-free. He wasnt sure exactly what he wanted to extract from her as compensation, but he was going to get something for his trouble. Terry set off for the Adventurers Guild with a determined step. His step was less determined after he got lost twice and had to ask people for directions. There was just something about having a ten-year-old boy look at him with infinite pity while explaining how to get somewhere that just took the wind out of Terrys sails. Minor setback, he told himself. Get your head in the game. Squaring his shoulders, he marched up the steps to the guild, pulled open the door, and spotted the target of his ire. She noticed him and a quick series of emotions passed over her face. Surprise. Frustration. A touch of guilt. Then, her expression smoothed into the passive neutrality shed worn the day before. Unlike the day before, there werent any other people present. That was probably better for him anyway. He crossed the distance to the bar where she stood. So, he said, I think we need to have a little conversation. About what? she asked, trying to put on an air of sweet innocence. About how youre going to repay me. Im quite certain I dont know what you mean. Yeah, very cute. You ran your little spur-of-the-moment Batman Gambit and got what you wanted. Whats a bat-man? asked the woman, looking genuinely confused. Dont worry about that. The point is that you tricked that fool into doing what you wanted, which I dont care about. In the process, you made your problem my problem, which I do care about. And since you didnt just kill the guy yourself, I have to assume he has a father or brother or doting aunt out there that you dont want to tangle with. Someone who is probably plotting some convoluted revenge scheme as we speak. Is that about the size of things? The womans face went a little hard at that point. Even if what you say is true, I dont see how any of that is my problem. While Terry had never been confident enough to play politics when hed been working as a programmer in those sweet, sweet days of Before Chinese Period Drama Hell, he had been smart enough to see it happening. Now, stuck in a place where the law of the jungle seemed to be the order of the day, he really didnt have anything to lose by playing politics here. He was already under threat of death all of the time. Because Ill make it your problem. You might be in charge of this little outpost, but this is a branch office. You answer to people. Much more important people. People that Im pretty sure will frown on you using someone who came in to do a little simple business to deal with some personal grudge. Minimally, it tarnishes whatever reputation this place has. Im willing to bet that I can make sure you dont get a better post any time soon. If Im very convincing, I might even get you tossed out of the guild entirely. Am I wrong? Chapter 14 – Blackmail! Part 2 The woman didnt say anything, but she didnt need to. The nervous anger on her face said it all. Terry knew that he might well have overestimated the strength of his position, but she at least thought he might be right. It was also pretty clear that she didnt like what that could mean for her. Well, she finally said, maybe Ill just kill you, and deal with it that way. Terry had thought it might go down like this. Murder did seem to be the default solution to even minor problems in this world. So, he wasnt entirely surprised that it happened, but it was still a little off-putting to have anyone threaten him like that right to his face. He did his best not to let his rising discomfort show. He nudged the other-knowledge, and it seemed unimpressed with the threat. He took that to mean that he could probably survive a fight with her if it became truly necessary. How sure are you that you can get it done? he asked. There was a tense moment where neither of them moved or spoke. The woman glared at Terry as if she was hoping she could make him back down through sheer force of personality. He just met that glare with a calm expression that didnt reflect his inner state at all. He didnt want to fight her. He definitely didnt want to kill her. That would be a whole world of problems he didnt need on top of the problems he already had. Just when Terry thought she was going to try to make good on the threat, she let out an exasperated huff of breath. Fine, she said in an annoyed voice. What do you want? Now that he was apparently getting his way, Terry didnt really know what to ask for. Hed thought a bit about it, but he just didnt know enough about this world to know what held real value. Sure, there was always money, but there was also magic. Did that mean there was a magic sword in the back that he could get? At the very least, he wanted to get a better sword than the ones he had. While they were functional enough, other-Terry had seemed less than impressed by them. It seemed he was quiet for a bit too long because the woman slapped the top of the bar. I dont have all day. Lets wrap this blackmail up. A thought struck Terry. What are the advantages of being a member of the guild? he asked. The woman looked momentarily taken aback. Shed clearly expected demands for money or at least something other than a random question. Rolling her eyes, she adopted a droning tone and said, Membership in the guild offers several advantages. You can access quests commensurate with your skills that provide compensation upon completion, get discounted training and equipment, and stay at the guild halls for a member rate which is typically less than the cost of a local inn. And how does one join the guild? Joining the guild requires that you be assessed and assigned a rank, complete two quests with a party, and pay an admission fee. Yeah, that sounds like a hassle. Youre just going to give me a membership, said Terry, before he hastily added, and a better sword. The woman had the gall to look appalled, as though hed suggested sacrilege. I could never do that. That would compromise the integrity of the guild. Did you actually hear the words that just came out of your mouth? asked Terry in a flat voice. Youre going to try to tell me you care about integrity? The womans cheeks turned pink. Thats different. Its not. So, lets go. Phony up some paperwork and give me a badge, or whatever the hell it is that you people use. I I cant. I have no idea what kind of skills you have. What kind of ranks do you have? asked Terry. There are five ranks. They Great. Which is the lowest? Five, said the woman through clenched teeth. So, those are the idiots you dont trust to do anything alone, right? Yes, admitted the woman grudgingly. And I expect you start to get a lot of attention around rank two, which probably makes rank three the middle-of-the-road people. Experienced enough not to stab themselves with their own swords. Basically reliable people but not impressive enough that anyone is going to pay them any special attention. Do I have that right? Yes, said the woman again, seeming both annoyed and surprised that he had worked out their social hierarchy so fast. You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. Youll make me a rank three, then. I already told you Stop, said Terry. We both know youre going to do it because its so much less expensive than you thought it would be. Its also the fastest way to get me to leave. So, just skip over the meaningless protests and get on with it. The woman stood there, fuming in silence, and Terry could almost see a chibi version of the woman stamping her foot. Growling under her breath, the woman spun away and stormed out of sight for a minute. She came back with a stack of papers, a sword, and something that looked a bit like a bifold wallet. She slammed the pile of stuff onto the bar. While she started filling out paperwork, Terry picked up the sword, which was like the ones he already had. He tried to remember the name of that particular kind of sword. It wasnt a katana. Those were those curved Japanese swords. Terry racked his brain. What are those Chinese swords called? It came to him. Theyre called jian. He drew the weapon and poked at the other-knowledge. It roused itself and seemed to examine the blade through his senses before it gave off a vague sense of approval. Good enough, thought Terry. He untied the sword on his right hip and replaced it with the new sword. By the time hed wrapped up that process, the woman seemed to be done with the paperwork. She shoved one of the papers at him and pointed to the bottom of the page. Sign there, she said through clenched teeth. He did as he was instructed, even if it did take a second to work out how to make the vaguely quill-like pen device work. Then, the woman slapped the wallet-esque thing down in front of him. He picked it up and opened it. Inside was a bronze piece of metal that looked the same as the plaque outside. The only difference was a symbol that the other-knowledge translated as a three etched into the metal. He nodded and gave the woman a knowing look. What? she demanded. Come on. Do you expect me to believe that these things arent magically bound to a specific individual? How else would you keep people from picking them up and pretending to be part of your guild? If her head had been physically capable of exploding from rage, he was pretty sure it would have happened then and there. It had been an obvious ploy. Pretend to give him a badge, then report that some dastardly fiend had stolen one. However, it occurred to him that it might have only seemed obvious to him. He had come from a world where digital verification of things like credentials was commonplace. In a world without mass communication, youd need some other way to ensure that people in an organization that was spread out all over the place were who they claimed to be. In a world with qi or magic, what else would you use but magic? With the veins in her forehead visibly throbbing, she pulled out two needles, keeping one and handing him the other. She poked the pad of her thumb and pressed it to the badge. He followed suit. The badge briefly flared with an inner light, and Terry felt something take hold inside of him. That must be the binding, he thought. He considered the badge, then the woman. She came up with a plan on the fly to get that other guy killed, which means shes probably built in at least one or two contingencies to deal with me. Before she could react, he swiped the stack of paper off the bar and started reading. It became clear that shed intended to throw them all away because most of the pages weren''t filled out. He shook his head at her. He felt a surge of something from where the woman was standing, and her fist lashed out at him. Terry felt the increasingly familiar surge of warmth from his stomach. A second later, without any input from him, Terrys hand caught the womans fist and stopped it cold. There was the snap-crack of skin striking skin. He wasnt sure who was more surprised by it. He managed to plaster a bland look onto his face while she stared uncomprehendingly at her fist wrapped in his hand. Wait, thought Terry. Am I a hidden badass? He immediately rejected that idea. This was a small place. He doubted the cream of the crop were to be found here. Hed come out ahead against the locals, but that didnt mean much. Still, that was the second time this woman had tried to end his life. Not sure if he had the strength to do it or not, Terry started to bear down on the womans hand. At her sharp cry of pain, he discovered he did have the strength. A voice that he was pretty sure was mostly other-Terry came out of his mouth. It was cold, flat, and deadly. We have now reached the end of my patience with you. Im sorry, she almost shrieked. I didnt know. I didnt know! Please stop! Terry wasnt sure what she was going on about not knowing, and he didnt dare ask out of fear of exposing some crucial weakness through ignorance. He heaved an annoyed sigh and released her hand. She cradled it against her chest, which Terry thought was overly dramatic. What hed done might have hurt, but he hadnt broken anything. He dropped the papers back onto the bar and tapped them with a finger. Do it right, he ordered. Looking much less defiant and a lot more afraid, she picked up the quill-like device and hurriedly filled out all of the parts of the paperwork shed skipped the first time. When she was done, he flipped through the pages. The other-knowledges translation trick seemed to apply to the written word as well. He lifted an eyebrow at her and waited. She picked up her needle, poked the pad of her thumb again, and pressed it to the last page next to his signature. He took the cue and did the same, pressing his thumb on the other side of the signature. There was another pulse of light from the badge and something seemed to click into place inside of him. Youre going to file this properly, correct? he asked. The woman swallowed hard and nodded. Yes. Good. Then, if all goes well, well never see each other again. At that, Terry slid the badge into a pocket, picked up the old sword that no longer had a place to live on his body, and walked toward the door. As he was about to step through, the woman called after him. Why join the guild when youre one of them? I like my privacy, he said, glancing over his shoulder. Hed meant it as nothing more than a way to sound mysterious, but she seemed to take it as a veiled threat from the way she flinched. Shrugging internally, he walked out the door and down the steps. He wondered who the mysterious them she mentioned were. When he reached the bottom of the steps, he found a kid staring longingly up at the guild building. He was maybe in his early teens. Joining the guild? he asked the kid. The teen shook his head. Cant. I cant afford to. Weapons are expensive. Terry looked down at the now superfluous sword in his hand. He held it out to the kid, who seemed to grab it by reflex before his eyes went wide. Happy birthday, kid, said Terry as he walked away down the street. Terry snickered to himself as the kids stunned words drifted after him. But its not my birthday. Chapter 15 – Shoo! I Said Shoo! It took a few more wrong turns, but Terry managed to find his way to the southern gate out of town. Hed started to get the uncomfortable feeling that he was being watched about halfway there. In his old, sane, boring life, he would have dismissed that as rampant paranoia. In Chinese Period Drama Hell, he just took that intuition as a gospel truth. The problem was that he couldnt, despite putting some real effort into it, figure out who was watching him or from where. Something he realized he should have expected. Anytime someone figures out that theyre being watched in any of those books or manga or anime hed consumed over the years, they can never spot the culprit at first because that was just the rule. So, he just went back to walking. Whoever it was would either reveal themselves before he got to the gate, or they would tail him out of town. It was usually a bad thing, either way. On the upside, that Adventurers Guild badge hed totally failed to earn through merit was solid gold at the gate. He just flashed it at the guards, and they let him through. One of them even wished him good luck. Since he didnt want to seem unnecessarily suspicious, he just walked down the road at what he hoped looked like a reasonable pace. He was a little disappointed that the feeling of being watched didnt disappear, but he couldnt muster up much surprise. He figured it was even odds that some church people had decided, correctly, that he was the guilty party and were going to try to bury him in a shallow grave somewhere. Of course, they wouldnt want to be seen ambushing him because that would be suspicious as hell. No, he figured that theyd wait until he a good way down the road and ambush him there. Nice and clean and sans any inconvenient witnesses. That was why he was studying the truly crappy map he was starting to think hed overpaid for. The map was very short on details and had no scale references. He glared at the general blankness that indicated the wooded areas to either side of the road. Im surprised it doesnt say here there be monsters, he mentally griped. God, I miss the map feature on my phone. About the only useful thing he got from the map was that the road did not, in fact, follow a straight line. It eventually curved off to what he was interpreting as the southeast before it intersected with another town. He studied the map, then the position of the sun in the sky, and determined that he could probably get to that town if he cut cross-country through the woods. Of course, there probably were monsters in those woods just waiting to eat him and anyone else stupid enough to go traipsing through them. The one teensy silver lining to hideous, human-consuming hellspawn in the woods was that anyone stupid enough to follow him out there would be in just as much danger as he was. In the end, he decided that hed rather fight with monsters than with other human beings. If nothing else, it felt less morally problematic. No matter how often Terry repeated rule number two to himself, he had a lot of doubts about his ability to take another persons life in cold blood. He hadnt had a lot of time to think about what was right or wrong when hed fought those bandits. Hed just reacted, which meant that the other-knowledge had largely reacted. Limiting the amount of human-on-human violence would also let him avoid turning over control to other-Terry. He hoped it would, at any rate. By contrast, Hollywood, manga, and anime had prepared him pretty well for the idea of killing monsters and demons. It was almost a moral imperative and didnt seem to carry the same mental baggage for him. So, it was with that in mind that once the town walls were more or less out of sight that he dashed off the road and into the woods. He didnt run because running in untamed woods was a great way to break an ankle or get bitten by a snake. He did have a lot of practice at moving over rough terrain, though, so he expected he was making much better time than anyone would expect. It wasnt a home-field advantage, but it felt a heck of a lot more familiar than the dusty track that served as a road. He also had the advantage of a much, much more robust body to work with. Despite that, he missed the thick, meaty treads on his hiking boots. He didnt think hed find a lot of rusty nails or loose metal floating around in the woods, but who the hell really knew what might have happened in these woods over the last thousand years or ten thousand years? For all he knew, this was the site of some ancient battle and there were actually thousands of rusty swords and spears just waiting to leap out and stab him. Granted, those sick soles on his hiking boots wouldnt have stopped a sword, but it still would have made him feel better than the things he was wearing. He didnt even know what to call them. They were more like sandals than shoes or boots, which meant he felt every last damn twig, branch, rock, and insect he stepped on. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. He was happy that the oppressive feeling of being observed fell away almost as soon as hed entered the woods. I guess this is probably a forest, now that I think about it. Woods dont stretch on for dozens of miles, do they? That presence of a hidden watcher was a constant irritation, like having a splinter that he couldnt quite see, but felt every time he moved his hand just the right way. Having the sensation depart was akin to the relief of finally managing to luck his way into pulling the splinter after it was stuck in his palm all fucking day. That glorious sense of unburdening didnt last very long. Within an hour, he was once again accosted by that awfully, slithering feeling of something eyeballing him from the shadows. He kept moving, trying to outpace whoever or whatever it was, but to no avail. It just worse the farther he went. Did I underestimate how determined they were going to be to gack me? Sighing and accepting the inevitable, he poked the other-knowledge. Hey, he told it. Wake up. Theres probably going to be some murder-y trouble in a minute. Terry could swear he felt the other-knowledge yawn and sort of look around. It was incredibly creepy to feel that happening inside his own head when he wasnt the one doing it. Still, it was what it was, and he had no idea how to make that other-knowledge go away. Even if he did know how, he wasnt sure hed dare to get rid of it. He suspected hed already be dead without it and the murderhobo-y tendencies of other-Terry to lean on. Coming to a stop in a little clearing, he glared around into the forest around him. He was a little surprised to find hed drawn a sword. He didnt remember doing that, although he supposed it probably was a good idea in this screwed-up situation. He kept turning and glaring for most of five minutes growing tenser and tenser as the seconds ticked away. When he just couldnt stand it anymore, he shouted. Come on, you bastards! Lets get this party started! There were a few moments of silence, and then Terry heard some rustling. He whirled to face the direction the sound came from and the sword seemed to rise up defensively in front of him of its own volition. There was some more rustling before he watched an enormous chicken head poke its way between two trees. Oh, god damn it. Another chicken-lizard?! What the hell? Do I smell like chicken feed or something? Terry studied the huge head a little more closely and tilted his head to one side. There was a suspicious mark on the huge head. Are you shitting me? Is that the same chicken-lizard? Terry felt it as the other-knowledge, which had grown increasingly observant, immediately lost interest and seemed to go back to sleep. Shaking his head, Terry sheathed his sword and looked around for a loose rock. He found one and picked it up. Shoo! he yelled at the cock-a-whatever while shaking the rock at it in a vaguely threatening way. Shoo! I said shoo! The chicken-lizards head dropped down in what could only be described as a pathetic expression of sadness. Terry lifted the rock to throw it at the absurd beast, but it just looked so pitiful that he couldnt quite bring himself to do it. Go away! Terry yelled at the stupid thing. It shrank back at the loud words but didnt actually retreat the way he expected it to. I dont have the energy for this, thought Terry as he leaned his head back to glare at the sky. Chapter 16 – A Stroll Through the Forest This is such bullshit! shouted Terry as he stormed through the woods. Crystal Snake, said other-Terry in his mind. Almost without thinking, the jian in Terrys hand whipped out and shattered the snakes head. The joy of having everything in the damn forest trying to murder him had been going on for a good fifteen minutes with the extra-special joy of other-Terry narrating it. Fine, regular-Terry admitted to himself, maybe its a tiny bit helpful to get those warnings but only crazy people hear voices. First, I get the kiss of death from Truck-kun. Then, I wake up with the stupidly pretty people trying to send me off to fight their stupid war. Thunder sparrow, offered other-Terry. Terry just punched the damn divebombing bird so hard that it exploded. That had the unfortunate side effect of showering him in blood and feathers. It also apparently set off whatever special ability the bird had been planning on using. A mind-numbingly loud noise detonated at ground level. Terry was sent careening to one side, bounced off a tree, and landed on a knee. He swiped a hand across his face and flicked the gore to one side in a disgusted gesture. Now, Im half deaf and covered in dead bird. Fan-goddamn-tastic. He shoved himself to his feet in an angry lurch and looked up to orient himself. At least the dumb birds death attack had denuded all of the trees. He found the sun through the tangle of bare branches and started storming off again in a generally southeastern direction. He managed to get ten whole steps before getting another hint from other-Terry. Shadewolf. To your right. Terry frowned a bit. Werent those the things that were hanging around Remdells farm? Even as that question passed through his mind, he drew a second jian. A bit of how-to trickled out from the other-knowledge, and a surge of warmth in his stomach was directed into the second jian. It burst into a blinding light at the same the semi-invisible wolf bounded between two trees. The beast let out a surprised yip as it transformed from a shadowy, ghost-like figure into a solid form. The jian he already held thrust forward and buried itself in the wolfs chest. Terry twisted the blade on instinct and jerked it free. The animal took a few stumbling steps before it collapsed. Terry took a moment to give it a hateful look before resuming his stomping. As if all that wasnt bad enough, I got attacked by bandits, accosted by the octopus girl, and almost got killed because of that awful Adventurers Guild woman! shouted Terry at no one at all. He kept walking, muttering, and trying to ignore the noises coming from behind him, while occasionally cutting a branch down that was too low to avoid easily. The worst part of all this is that I didnt even ask for it, thought Terry. I wasnt some shut-in. I didnt devote my life to video games. I was an actual, semi-functional adult. I had a job. I paid taxes. Im not some Asian teenager, for the love of all thats holy. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Terry kicked a rock out of his way, and it bounced into some bushes nearby. Razor-boar, said other-Terry. What the fuck is a razor-boar? asked regular-Terry. Before other-Terry or the other-knowledge could answer that question, reality did the job for them. A pig-like creature that was about the size of a Volkswagen Beetle lumbered into view, knocking down a couple of trees. It had what regular-Terry considered terrifyingly long tusks that were, of course, made of metal and indeed looked to be razor sharp. Regular-Terry just stared at the impossible thing for a moment before a kind of apathy overtook him. This whole world is filled with impossible, ridiculous things. Why shouldnt there be huge, terrible beasts that evolution would never have allowed to live? When compared with the chicken-lizard, a big pig just wasnt that frightening. In a spur-of-the-moment plan that regular-Terry decided must have come from other-Terry, he dashed to one side, planted a foot on a tree, and launched himself into the air. The razor-boar had charged his former position at the same time, which let Terry bring the sword in his off-hand down across things tusks. If hed been a half-second slower, he would have taken the boars snout off. Instead, the force of the blow drove the tusks down into the ground and shattered the cheap metal of the blade. Terry had expected a rebound from the weapon, so the sudden loss of resistance sent him stumbling. Not that he was complaining. The boar got it way worse. The tusks caught on something very solid under the ground. Terry didnt know what it was, but he assumed it had to have been big. The tusks tried to stop in place, while the massive girth of the boar kept trying to drive forward. It resulted in the boar going head over cloven hooves in a scene that might have been funny if Terry had been watching it as an online video. In his current circumstances, he stumbled over and brought the not-broken sword in his right hand down on the boars throat. Then, he did it again, and again, and again. The boars thrashing and brain-piercing squealing made it hard to get a clean cut. Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. By the time it finally died, Terry was absolutely coated in the things blood. It took a few seconds before he realized he was still holding the hilt of the now-broken sword. He stared down at it in annoyance before he just dropped it. No point in carrying it now, he thought. Forcing himself to move again, he started moving in the right direction before he came to a halt. A sudden desire to vomit was building in him. He looked down at his now red clothes and shuddered. I have never felt so vile, he said before anger built in him again. As if all that other crap wasnt enough, I discover theres a corrupt church. Im covered in pig blood. And I have a damn chicken-lizard following me around! Terry spun to give said chicken-lizard a murderous look, only to discover that the thing was happily eating the boar hed just killed. It must have sensed his gaze on it because the thing lifted its head from the dead beast and peered at him. It let out a questioning squawk that seemed to say, Sorry, did you want some of this? He couldnt be entirely certain, but regular-Terry had the distinct sense that other-Terry found all of this positively hilarious. I hate you, said Terry, not sure if he was talking to the chicken-lizard or that other personality. Deciding that he did not, in fact, want any of the meat that the chicken-lizard had been mauling with its beak, Terry turned and started walking again. Maybe, just maybe, the dead pig will keep it busy long enough for me to escape. As he walked, he tried to ignore the sticky feeling of blood drying on his skin and clothes. He also kept his eyes and ears open for any signs of water. He really, really wanted to get clean. Despite how disgusting he felt, though, he knew better than to use the water in his water skins to clean up. He had no idea how long of a walk this was going to be, and he couldnt count on finding fresh water anywhere along the way. He needed to conserve that water for drinking and cooking until or unless he found a source of potable water. That brought him to a standstill. How will I know if its safe to drink? It wasnt like he could send a sample out to a lab and have it tested. After a little reflection, though, he sort of doubted that this world had problems with pesticides in the ecosystem and toxic metals leaking into the groundwater from discarded electronics. Especially as far out from civilization as he was getting. He supposed hed have to rely on visual cues that something was wrong with the water, like dead plants, or deformed plants, or a total absence of life in the water. Fingers crossed this new constitution of mine can fight off whatever bacteria live in the water here because Im going to have to drink it. The idea of literally fighting for his life while also fighting off a case of Montezuma''s Revenge held about as much appeal to him as listening to 90s boy bands on an infinite loop. The only good thing happening in his world was that the attacks from the local wildlife seemed to have stopped. He didnt know if the boar had been the king of the area or what, but he was able to walk in merciful peace without other-Terry piping up every fifteen seconds to warn him about some new threat to life and limb. Not that it helped him relax, at all. After having to fight with a lot of backseat murderhoboing from other-Terry, regular-Terrys paranoia was running hot. Every unexpected noise made him flinch. Everything he didnt recognize sent him into a panic. Since he was confronted with some new plant he didnt recognize every five steps or so, plants that might be magical or carnivorous, his heart rate never settled down into something he would think of as calm. It was only when he came across a small lake that something other than fear dominated. He rushed to the water and peered around frantically. He could see fish swimming in that water. Plants were growing in it. The plants near the shore all looked, well, half of them looked alien as hell, but the rest looked healthy and normal. He pulled out a nearly empty waterskin and, after hesitating for a moment, he dipped it into the water to fill it again. Hed just finished putting the odd stopper back into the water skin when he felt the ground beneath him start to tremble and shudder. He whirled toward the trees and drew a sword. He didnt have time to build up any meaningful fear or anger before the chicken-lizard exploded from the trees with a joyous squawk-roar. It gathered itself and leapt over Terry to land in the water. The wave from its splash landing was enough to soak Terry to the bone. He counted backward from ten as he stood there and bloody water dripped from him. Then, he turned toward the water, his hands unconsciously formed into a choking gesture, and screamed at the beast that was playing in the water. Why?! Chapter 17 – Acclimation The next few days followed a similar pattern. Things attacked Terry. He killed them with some gentle and not-so-gentle prodding from other-Terry and the other-knowledge. The chicken-lizard stalked him like a crazy ex-girlfriend. Hed eventually locate a water source to wash the blood off. Then, hed find somewhere to camp to try to sleep off the horror of, well, pretty much everything about his current situation if he was being honest with himself. He routinely dreamed of doing mundane things in his old world. Going to the post office. Shopping at the grocery store. Checking his email. Fuck, he thought after that dream. If I ever do manage to get back, theres no way Ill ever clear the backlog in my inbox. Despite minor concerns about overflowing inboxes, he was always so happy during those dreams. That simply magnified the crushing disappointment of waking up and still being stuck in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Hed given serious consideration to just letting one of the damn monsters in this forest kill him, even if he had figured out that it wouldnt be quick. He was more durable than a human being had any right to be. One particularly awful thing that other-Terry called a demon-weasel had tried to bite his arm off. It had only succeeded in opening some nasty cuts in his skin. Cuts that had healed with a truly disheartening swiftness. That meant that if something was going to do him in, it would either need to be really strong, or he would need to exhibit some forbearance. Still, if he was patient about it and not too afraid of several minutes of excruciating suffering, one of them could probably do the job for him. Unfortunately, other-Terry was not even a little bit on board with that plan. Any time regular-Terry even started to hold back in a fight, other-Terry started screaming at him. It was so eerie having his own voice shouting at him with words he hadnt thought that regular-Terry found himself just going along to make the creepiness stop. Part of him also recognized that all of this was desensitizing him to killing. While being splattered and sometimes coated with blood was almost enough to make him want to puke that first day, by day four it was just one more nuisance. As much as Terry thought he should be freaking out about it, he just couldnt work up an emotional overreaction to something that happened ten times a day. The forest was so full of vicious, evil abominations that there was no escaping it. I guess its true what they say, thought Terry. You really can adapt to anything if you have to. Not that his survival had come without some costs. The only sword he had left was the one hed gotten from that conniving Adventurers Guild woman. The ones hed gotten off the bandits had broken, even with the energy that emanated from his stomach doing something that reinforced them. On three separate occasions, hed been forced to pin beasts to the ground with the sword and then beat them to death with his free hand when theyd proven too resilient. The constant fighting was a depressingly familiar element of pretty much every adventure manga, anime, LitRPG, and cultivation story hed ever come across. He just knew that he was leveling up in some fashion. While that would normally thrill a hero in the story, it just made Terry feel like a failure. Hed run south because he wanted to avoid scenarios exactly like this one. But the stupid evil church got in the way like it always did, and now he was getting stronger. Which can only mean theres some truly terrible thing living in this endless forest that I will be entirely unable to avoid no matter how hard I try, griped Terry. He looked back at the chicken-lizard which was following along behind him like a puppy. At least, it would be if puppies were twelve feet tall and carried half-eaten monsters in their beaks. He squinted at the monster. Did that damn thing get bigger? He didnt have anything like a tape measure, so he couldnt be one hundred percent sure. Nonetheless, it did seem to be looming from a greater height. Probably from eating all those monsters it didnt help me kill. Why couldnt I get a helpful stalker animal? Maybe something that could fly or teleport me around. No sirree Bob, that would be too goddamn useful for Chinese Period Drama Hell. This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. As the day dragged on, Terry got more and more nervous. The persistent attacks hed been fending off for days went into an abrupt decline. While he was no expert on woodcraft or hunting, his pattern recognition abilities functioned just fine. And the pattern had been broken. Hed only had to kill one thing all afternoon. He ought to be splattered with gore by this part of the day. That meant that they had entered into the territory of something that scared all of the other terrible denizens of this arboreal wing of Hades. The problem, as Terry saw it, was that he had no way of knowing how best to avoid the problem. If he backtracked, he could theoretically stick to the outskirts of the territory by keeping track of how often something tried to kill him. Except, that was no guarantee that the whatever-it-was wouldnt come looking for him there. Beyond that, the things territory might be fifty square miles. Moving forward was just as uncertain. He might bypass the creature through sheer happenstance or he might walk right up to it. He thought about using the chicken-lizard as a kind of canary in the coal mine, but he rejected that idea pretty fast. It was still following him, but it was constantly hunched over with its head whipping back and forth. It might give him a second or two of warning if something got really close, but that was about the best he could hope from the big, dumb tag-along. He found himself frozen in indecision for a few seconds that slowly stretched out into a few minutes. Bad choices ahead and bad choices behind. Inspiration struck. Terry poked the other-knowledge and mentally asked, do you know whats waiting for me up there? While the other-knowledge had been downright chatty in its nonverbal way for several days, it suddenly clammed up. He poked it a few more times but got nothing from it. He could practically sense other-Terry in there, watching him, waiting to see what regular-Terry would do. Forward or back? Terry had the very bad feeling that no choice he made would let him avoid the violence he intuitively knew was coming. At the same time, he didnt have the sense that some huge, malevolent beast was watching him. His sixth sense for danger had gotten much, much sharper after being attacked so many times, but he didnt entirely trust it. Not feeling the danger didnt mean there wasnt any danger. In fact, the absence of that sensation of being about to die alarmed him more and more. What if the big bad in the forest could hide itself somehow? He didnt know what method it would use, but it just stood to reason that it would be able to keep him from sensing it. Why? Because that was the best way to ensure that he had to fight with the damnable thing, and this new world he was living in clearly hated him personally. The longer he stood there, the more certain he became that anything he did next would trigger some calamity. Even something as innocuous as reaching for a water skin was going to set off the boss fight. He stood there, motionless, for another thirty seconds before the futility of that finally struck him. He was going to move eventually. If for no other reasons than hed fall asleep on his feet if he stood there long enough. Resigning himself to the inevitable, he turned to glare at the chicken-lizard. When it happens, you could at least do me the courtesy of helping. Right on cue, something started crashing toward him from a disturbingly short distance away. He turned to look, blinked, and then sighed. Is that a dinosaur made out of plants? he asked into the air. Chapter 18 – Boss? The thing that was racing toward him looked like the bastard love child of a T-rex and velociraptor, or at least the movie versions Terry had seen of them. Hed read somewhere on the always-factually-accurate internet that real velociraptors had feathers. While he knew that there was some relationship between birds and dinosaurs, he just couldnt shake the images from those films that had burned themselves into his adolescent consciousness. Every time he tried to imagine velociraptors with feathers, his brain always conjured something that bore an uncanny resemblance to a certain oversized muppet from that childrens show. The monster bearing down on him like a runaway train or a homicidal isekai-ing delivery truck had shorter arms and a bigger head than the movie velociraptors, but it certainly moved with the same kind of terrifying speed. Of course, the resemblance was imperfect. What looked like a layer of dark leaves had taken the place of leathery skin. Claws and teeth had been traded in for what looked like particularly vicious black thorns. The eyes of the thing resembled some kind of luminescent moss, although Terry had never before seen anything in nature that had that particularly disturbing purple glow to it. The monster might not have worried him if that had been all. Unfortunately, the thing was giving off a kind of invisible pressure that seemed designed to slow his movements. It also seemed to be dampening the warmth in his stomach. Terry hadnt been giving that warmth too much thought, but it didnt take a lot of thought to figure out what it came from. He assumed that it was some kind of mana core or whatever those things were that the cultivators all had. Donteens? No. Dantens? That''s not it, either. Dan-somethings, thought Terry. He hadnt been particularly relying on that core thingy in any of his previous fights. He usually wound up hacking things to death or beating them into submission with brute strength. But a little boost from that core had served him well in a couple of clutch situations. Now that something was exerting some kind of skill or technique on it, he wished hed paid more attention to it. His sense was that the monster wasnt suppressing it entirely, but that he wasnt going to be able to rely on it for some massive burst of power either. Great, thought Terry. Thats just fucking peachy. Like I dont have enough challenges in front of me. He glanced back at the chicken-lizard with at least a sliver of dim hope that it might, just maybe, be preparing for battle. That dim hope was snuffed like a candle in the wind. The chicken-lizard was visibly shaking in terror with its beak half-open like it wanted to squawk-roar in fear but couldnt make the noise come out. So much for backup, thought Terry. I get an animal stalker, and its a coward. I guess Ill have to do this the hard way. Hed dismissed any thoughts of running away. This new body of his was durable and had a lot of endurance, but the Terry wasnt sure what to call it. Plantoraptor? Vegetation Rex? Foliasaur? Yeah, foliasaur sounded good to him. He couldnt hope to outsprint the foliasaur. If he had enough of a head start, he might be able to outdistance it, but there was no chance of creating that kind of distance. Hed just have to deal with it the way people have dealt with unruly plants since the dawn of time. Hack and slash. God, what I wouldnt give for a flamethrower. He just hoped that the thing had poor lateral movement skills. He thought it probably did. Anything traveling that fast in any direction shouldnt be able to turn on a dime. If it could, he was well and truly screwed. Drawing his one remaining sword, Terry faced down the charging monster like he meant to meet it head-on. Its what heroically heroic types usually did in these situations, always to their detriment. They overestimated their newfound strength, picked a fight they could only just win, and took some debilitating injury in the first five seconds that made victory even more difficult. He did not intend to help the world do him dirty like that. He didnt need to barely scratch out a win to feel good about himself. He would happily kill his enemies with the death of a thousand cuts. Even if that meant dealing out a thousand literal cuts. Full frontal assaults were for monsters and morons. Still, timing was critical. Move too soon and hed miss his chance to deal out one, hopefully, serious injury. Move too late and hed fall right into that moron category as this monster trampled right over him. Stolen story; please report. Terry narrowed his eyes in what he thought of as his best Clint Eastwood expression. He lowered himself slightly. The monster was close enough that he got a real sense of how big it was. It was at least as big as the chicken-lizard and heavier to boot. Everything in him was howling to get out of the way, but he made himself wait. Just a few seconds longer and Now! He jumped sideways and lashed out with the sword. He felt it connect, slow, and then burst free. The foliasaur let out a weird, warbling cry that made his skin crawl. Still, hed dealt it an injury without taking one himself. A bit of pride swelled up inside of him and was immediately squashed when the monsters tail swung around and slammed into his ribs. The pain was incredible. He didnt know if any of his ribs were broken, and he stopped caring when a tree came out of nowhere to stop him cold in mid-flight. He flopped to the ground and, in a moment of clarity, realized that this thing could actually do him in if he let it. It probably wouldnt even take that long. All he had to do was nothing. Visions of being sent home, or at least to somewhere slightly less awful than Chinese Period Drama Hell, swam through his mind. He felt his body start to relax into acceptance of this plan. Other-Terry was screaming at him, but the haze in his mind largely muted those words. Yes, he thought. This is my way out! Even if he didnt get isekai-ed to some other world, maybe hed get reincarnated as a baby back on his world. Sure, it would suck to have to do puberty and high school again, but its not like hed remember anything anyway. Alternately, he might wind up in Heaven. He had to have paid off most of his sins just by being in this terrible place. No matter what happened, though, hed be free. It was perfect. Then, he heard the chicken-lizard let out of squawk-roar of what could not be mistaken for anything but pure terror. Terry forced his eyes open and looked in that direction. The foliasaur was lurching in a decidedly menacing way toward the chicken-lizard, but Terry could see that his one attack had done some real damage. One of the faux-dinosaurs legs wasnt really carrying its weight anymore. I must have cut something important, thought Terry. It was the only explanation. As fast as the thing had been moving before, it should have been able to pounce on the cock-a-whatsit in a heartbeat. He was sorely tempted to just let the two monsters settle things between themselves. It was a nagging sense of responsibility that kept Terry from just closing his eyes again. He didnt like the chicken-lizard, but it had also been the only thing in this whole damn forest that hadnt attacked him immediately. He also supposed that it might have scared some things off just by being big. God damn it, wheezed Terry as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Everything hurt. It was hard to breathe. He looked down at his chest. There was no blood, but he was just certain that he had to have some internal injuries. I guess this is where real heroes dig deep or some garbage like that, thought Terry. Its the whole time to unlock your potential trope. Except, when Terry tried to dig deep and find some more potential, he mostly just found a strong will to quit. He hadnt wanted any of this, especially not some cowardly monster stalker. But he didnt want the chicken-lizard to die. It almost certainly wouldnt have come here if it hadnt been following him. Plus, bit by bit, there was some of that warmth trickling out from his stomach. He didnt feel good, or even particularly better, but he did feel marginally less terrible. I guess Im healing a bit. Suppressing pitiful groans, barely, he got back on his feet. He limped over to where hed dropped his sword, cursed the entire world a few times, and then bent over to pick it up. After nearly passing out from the pain, and catching his breath again, he managed to straighten up. The chicken-lizard was steadily backing away from the foliasaur, but it clearly didnt dare turn and run. With a sigh, Terry hefted the sword in his hand and said, No insight or enlightenment to fuel some OP moment? I guess Im just gonna have to do it anyway. Chapter 19 – Doing It Anyway As Terry looked at the damn foliasaur menacing the chicken-lizard, all he could think about was how bullshit it was in books when heroes just shrugged off being thrown into walls or taking crushing blows. That shit fucking hurt. A lot. If he hadnt spent the last several days fighting increasingly powerful and violent monsters, he doubted he could have even coped with the level of pain he was in now. But he firmly believed that kind of acclimation had its limits. A body could only take so much. A mind could only take so much unless there was some mechanism in place in this shithole world that fundamentally altered how minds and bodies processed trauma. A notion that seemed less ridiculous when he thought about the other-knowledge in his head. Even if that was the case, though, it didnt make it hurt any less to get up. It didnt make it any less frightening to think about drawing the foliasaurs attention. Sure, it had been fine when all he had to do was lay there, be in pain, and wait for death. He was sure it would have been horrible, but probably not for too long. That thing didnt look like the sort of beast to play with its food. Letting things take their course felt different to him. He wasnt an active participant, just a victim of nature gone wrong. Getting the monster to pay attention to him on purpose felt a lot like participating, and there was no participation trophy in this event just a grisly death. Still, he had gone through all the trouble to stand up and retrieve his sword. He might as well go out swinging. In his head, that sounded slightly less like killing himself. He thought it was probably a semantic difference. But if you couldnt embrace semantics while facing down an angry plant dinosaur monster in Chinese Period Drama Hell, when could you? I guess this is when I gird my loins, thought Terry. He didnt actually do anything. It was just one of those phrases hed read somewhere and thought hed never get a chance to use in real life. Best to take the opportunity while he had it. A little part of Terry was annoyed that there wasnt a princess or something around to witness his heroic deed of sacrificing himself for the sake of a Yeah, on second thought, Im glad no one will see this. Im going to look like a fool for getting myself killed to protect a chicken-lizard. The stupid thing probably has a curse on it to boot. Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and shouted. Hey! Im not done with you, yet! You overgrown spider plant! Terry abruptly realized he didnt know what a spider plant looked like. Hed never seen one to his knowledge. It was just the only plant name he could remember. Oh, theres rhododendron, he thought. No, thats too hard to shout. The foliasaur turned its head so it could glare at him with one of its glowing purple eyes. Yup, thought Terry. That just keeps being creepy. He expected the monster to immediately rush at him. Thats what monsters did except for this one, apparently. It turned its attention back to the chicken-lizard. Terry was left staring at the back of its head with his mouth hanging open. He didnt have a plan for this. The only thing he could think was that it didnt see him as a real threat anymore. And why should it? The damn thing all but took me out of the fight with one hit from its tail. I didnt exactly come off as a superhero there. Being so casually dismissed hurt Terrys pride for a second or two, but then sanity slapped down that stupid machismo nonsense. This is a good thing, he realized. Its not paying attention to me now. If the big, dumb plant monster wanted to ignore him, Terry was perfectly happy to use that opportunity to ambush the creature and deal another serious blow. He supposed that there was probably some rule of honor that said he shouldnt do that. As far as he was concerned, though, what happened to monsters in the forest, stayed in the forest. Like Vegas, only with supernatural horrors well, more supernatural horrors. Hed seen advertisements for some of those Vegas shows and assumed that the Devil was involved somewhere. After making sure that the foliasaur still wasnt paying attention to him, Terry tried to come up with a plan. He didnt think he had the horsepower to one-shot the thing. That would probably take a serious head wound or cutting the thing in half. If I cant just straight-up kill it, whats the next best thing? He carefully studied the monster and noticed that it was still leaking from the injury hed inflicted on one of its legs. He hesitated to call it bleeding. What was coming out of that wound was more like a thin sap than blood. All other things being equal, injuring the other leg looked like the best option. If he could pull that off, he wouldnt need to kill the thing. He and the chicken-lizard could just run away like smart cowards. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. There was an abrupt sense of outrage from other-Terry at the idea of running away, although regular-Terry got the impression that it was more about leaving a live enemy behind him than the actual running away part. There was a kind of logic to it. If the monster was injured enough that it couldnt chase them, then it was probably injured enough that it could be killed. Dead monsters couldnt come and kill you in the night after they healed up. Even so, regular-Terry was firmly in the camp of people who believed that retreat was always a valid strategy. Putting aside the morality of cowardice for the moment, he started to walk toward the foliasaur. He didnt run. He worried that might draw the things attention. He felt a shiver run down his spine when he came alongside the tail. He knew exactly how hard that thing could hit him. It wasnt something he wanted to experience again. He was a little surprised that it hadnt attacked the chicken-lizard yet. He supposed it couldnt just lunge in the way it usually would. It probably didnt have a strong Plan B in its arsenal. All the better for me, thought Terry as he crept up on the monsters unwounded leg. He didnt let himself hesitate or get distracted by the rotting vegetation stink that rolled off the monster. He took careful aim, summoned as much warmth as he could from that core thingy, and swung at the leg. The blade bit deep and the foliasaur let out another one of those warbling roars that made Terrys skin crawl. Having learned his lesson the last time, he pulled the sword free and spun toward the tail he assumed was swinging for him. It wasnt. Oh no, thought Terry. He managed to get himself turned around enough to see the last second or two of an open maw racing toward him. Terrys entire universe exploded in agony as the massive thorns that served as the foliasaurs teeth punched into him. There was no past or future, just the excruciating now, and a terrible sense that things were broken inside of him that should not be broken. He was dimly aware that the monster shook him, like a dog shaking something it had caught, and more things broke and tore inside of him. Terry tried to scream, but all that happened was a gurgle that sprayed blood out of his mouth. He couldnt think or move. All he could do was hurt. There was a sense of resignation from other-Terry. Oddly, that did what regular-Terry couldnt do on his own. It made him mad. The anger didnt clear his head, not exactly, but it gave him something to focus on other than pain and his looming demise. He didnt think he could survive this, but he wanted to take the plant dinosaur with him if he could. Terry forced himself to push away the pain enough to get a sense of his own broken body. One of his arms was still free. There was still a sword in it. He made himself open his eyes. Less than a foot away was the glowing purple moss that served as the foliasaurs eye. I guess Ill never get a better chance than this. Maybe it was simply because he didnt have the mental energy to second-guess himself, but Terry just acted. It wouldnt have been possible if he was still in his old body. There was so much damage he doubted he could have made any of his old limbs move, but this new body was made of better stuff. He drew back his arm and plunged the sword right into that eye. He kept pushing and pushing. He tried to scream and just managed to spray blood over the foliasaurs face. There was a moment when the sword seemed to meet some resistance, followed by an audible pop. The jaws clamped down on him one last time, and then a crushing pressure hed barely registered went away. Everything after that became patchy. Terry thought he fell, but he didnt recall hitting the ground. The chicken-lizard might have squawk-roared, but it might have just been his imagination playing tricks on him. As the pain started to fade away into the background, Terry realized that he must be getting ready to die. There was no brightly lit tunnel with family waiting to greet him. No heavenly gates opened to greet him. There wasnt even a river to carry him to one afterlife or another. As the last bits of consciousness left him, Terry had one last thought. Man, fucking Chinese Period Drama Hell was bullshit right to the end. Chapter 20 – No Escape When darkness closed over Terry, hed felt a certain malign satisfaction that he had, in some obscure way, won. He hadnt fought a war. He hadnt let them turn him into some caricature of a hero. He knew it was absurd, but he felt like hed pulled one over Truck-kun. That stupid truck had isekaied him somewhere awful, but hed escaped before he could become a trope himself. That was the kind of victory that Terry appreciated. Hed defied expectations. Sure, hed die for that defiance, but he doubted he was going to end up somewhere worse. Hed gone out of his way to prove how unsuitable he was for the role of isekai protagonist. When light started to glow beyond his closed eyes, he smiled to himself. Time to go to heaven, or at least get to lobby for reincarnation somewhere better. Maybe, Ill get to go home. He opened his eyes and blinked against the blinding light. The light was abruptly blocked and Terrys eyes came into focus. Horror coursed through him at what he saw. Staring down at him was the enormous, bird face of the chicken-lizard. It let out a curious noise that wasnt a true squawk-roar, and more of a squawk-chirp. Somehow, the damn thing looked happy when it saw Terry open his eyes. Oh no! wailed Terry. How in almighty fuck did I survive that?! While not a doctor, up until that moment, Terry didnt believe that you needed to be a doctor to know being bitten nearly in half was fatal. It just seemed like common sense. Plus, no matter how much his body had been bolstered by coming to Chinese Period Drama Hell, there was no way hed acquired some mutant-level healing factor. He healed faster, but not that damn fast. It was supposed to be over, thought Terry. Lifting his hands to rub his face or maybe scream into them in pure anguish, he realized there was something in one of his hands. Sitting up, he stared at the The fuck is this thing? It looked like a big, dull marble. As he kept staring at it, he saw a flicker of a very familiar, unsettling purple in its depths. That was immediately followed by a hard pull from that spot in his stomach where he suspected his core or whatever was located. That last flicker of purple was yanked out of the marble, dragged through his body C a wildly uncomfortable sensation C and somehow consumed by his own core. A pulse of warmth spread to every inch of his body. Terry could actually feel his muscles and bones getting stronger. His already good vision sharpened enough that he could suddenly see birds high up in the air that had been hidden by distance before. He was flooded by a wave of new sensory information, much of it unpleasant. What had been the earthy smell that all forests seemed to possess was suddenly a thousand different smells. He could pick out the individual smells of different kinds of plant and animal matter rotting. Sounds that had been part of the ambient environmental noise blared in his ears for attention. He heard the sounds of insects crawling and flying. He could hear something snuffling the ground nearby. He turned to look, only to realize that whatever it was not only wasnt nearby but wasnt close enough for even his enhanced vision to pick out. Did I just level up, or whatever this worlds equivalent is? he wondered aloud. He glared down at the marble thing in his hand and then looked around. The remains of the foliasaur were nearby with his sword still sticking out of its eye socket. Things werent exactly as he expected, though, as the body had been ripped open. Terry thought that he knew what had happened. He looked from the corpse to the marble, and from the marble to the chicken-lizard. He didnt need to ask. He could see the sap that passed for the foliasaurs blood drying on the beak and talons. Somehow, someway, the beast had known that dropping that marble in his hand would restore him. Yet, incredulity forced the words out of his mouth anyway. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. You did this? he demanded, holding up the lifeless sphere. The chicken-lizard lifted its head, appearing both proud and vaguely regal. Terry felt homicidal rage threaten to overwhelm him. I was so close to getting away. How did I not see this coming? Of course, the annoying, seemingly helpless animal companion comes through with a clutch solution. Without even needing to test it, Terry knew that he had just become substantially harder to kill. He knew he wasnt invulnerable, but he sincerely doubted that there was anything left in this forest that could do it. The foliasaur had peak predator written all over it. And hed basically just eaten its strength. A thought occurred to him then, and he glared at the chicken-lizard. Is that why youve been eating everything I kill? To get stronger? The chicken-lizard immediately averted its gaze, but couldnt seem to help moving in a guilty shuffle. Regular-Terry realized he didnt actually care. Even if hed known, he doubted he would have eaten them or taken their cores. He hadnt wanted to get stronger. Not really. Hed been all but praying something would kill him. Of course, that had been before this whole brought back from the brink moment had occurred. He finally understood that the world was going to keep conspiring to keep him alive, at least for a while. Hed have bet money that the chicken-lizard didnt come up with the saving him plan on its own. Something or someone had almost certainly planted that notion in its head. Theres no escape, thought Terry. Not until this world either gets what it wants from me or decides Im more trouble than Im worth. In light of that revelation, or at least Terrys acceptance of the inevitable, the chicken-lizard eating all of those beasts looked a lot more like stealing. Granted, he hadnt done anything to try to stop it, but he wondered now how much extra strength hed just given away. Given the volume of killing hed done, he expected it was a lot. Maybe it wasnt a lot in terms of quality, but just in raw quantity. He glared at the chicken-lizard. You ate all those monsters. Soaked up all that strength, and you couldnt even be bothered to help me fight that thing. The chicken-lizard ducked its head and looked away. Terry wasnt sure if it was actually embarrassed or just putting on a good show of it. Realizing he wasnt getting anything out of shaming the monster, he looked at the body of the foliasaur. Something occurred to him. Given how dangerous that thing was, I can probably get something for killing it from the guild. Theyll want proof, he thought to himself with a sigh. He got up and briefly mourned the destruction of clothes hed literally just bought and made his way over to the dead creature. He grabbed the hilt of the sword and gave it a hard tug, expecting to meet a lot of resistance. He almost took his own leg off it came out so fast. He gave the sword a speculative look and then brought it down on the foliasaurs neck. The sword passed cleanly through the neck. I guess there are worse things than being stronger. It took a while for him to track down where his pack ended up. He wasnt sure exactly when in the fight it had gotten separated. He eventually found it hanging from a branch up in a tree. Shaking his head, he jumped up and grabbed it. Digging around for a moment, he finally came up with an old friend. It took a little doing, but he managed to get the foliosaur head stuffed into the canvas sack. This thing really is turning into a full-time head sack, muttered Terry. Chapter 21 – Drumstick While the first part of the trip through the forest has been like some kind of awful nightmare that just refused to release its grip and let him wake, things changed after the foliasaur. His recognition that the world, or some douchey power related to it, wasnt going to just let him go meant that he had to acclimate. And not the half-ass acclimation that he had been doing to skate by until he could find some escape hatch. There was no escape hatch. Not that he had any intention of going along with whatever script that had been intended for him. He was more convinced than ever that just going along would mean swimming through an ocean of shit. Go fight some fucking war he knew nothing about and, frankly, didnt want to know anything about? Screw that noise. If I cant get away, fine. I cant get away. But its pretty clear that getting stronger is the one and only hope of surviving here. To that end, he became an ongoing source of disappointment to the chicken-lizard that he finally decided to call Drumstick. God, Im so bad at naming things. While the frequency of attacks from other monsters went down, they never really stopped. Instead of letting Drumstick eat all of them, he started cutting them open to find the cores. That was a mixed bag of success. Some of them didnt have cores. From the ones that did, he could only absorb about half of them. Even so, it became a matter of quantity of quality. While he couldnt track the improvement, he did notice a qualitative improvement in things like his strength, speed, and agility. He also tried eating some of the monster meat, at least from things that looked vaguely like animals he recognized and werent obviously filled with venom or poison. He felt like he got something from doing that, but it was more ephemeral or maybe less concentrated. After that, he mostly just let Drumstick eat its fill unless he wanted some kind of meat for dinner He also started trying to figure out how his own core, assuming he had one, actually worked. He got fairly adept using it to boost his strength. A few times, he even managed to launch distance attacks like the one hed used to kill those bandits back on the road. Dumping power into his sword remained entirely out of reach, though. He also found that other-Terry and the other-knowledge had stopped intruding on his thoughts or even offering anything like help. What the fuck? You two couldnt wait to put in your two cents before. Now, youve gone mute? While regular-Terry got the distinct impression that they heard him, they didnt respond. Man, even my other personality is a jackass. Is there some kind of virus in this world that does that to everyone? As the days turned into weeks, Terry found himself looking at the crude map more and more often. While trial and error had shown him that there was plenty to eat and seemingly safe water to drink, he started getting more and more worried about getting lost forever in this forest. If the weather turned from summer to autumn, he had no idea about how to fashion himself more permanent shelter. He knew in the vague way that most people from America did that you could make shelter from what you found in a forest. He even knew that he could make tiles and basic dishes from clay. However, the only way that knowledge was going to prove helpful was if he found a manual sitting on a rock called, How to Make Shelter, Create Tools, and Fashion Useful Shit from Clay. Maybe he could survive if he found a cave and there wasnt already something horrendously dangerous living it. Not sure what else to do, he kept heading southeast and hoping against hope to find the road again. Cutting through this forest seemed like such a good idea, he complained mentally. There wasnt much heat behind that complaint, though. Someone or something had been watching and following him. He was certain of that much. He was putting good odds on it being people from the Church or one of stupidly pretty people come to drag him back north. Neither option appealed. Not that he dwelled on it too much. At least, not until he started getting a persistent sense that he was being watched again. Since Drumstrick didnt trigger that impression anymore, and the less dangerous beasts in the forest didnt seem to do it anymore, that only left two options. Option one was that a powerful beast was stalking him. Option two was that one or more people were now stalking him. Terry found a little grim humor in hoping it was the beast. At least that might provide him with a core he could suck dry to add to his strength. That turned out to be a fools hope. Terry couldnt even muster any surprise when he didnt get what he wanted. He had the distinct impression that he was going to keep not getting he wanted as long he defied the role hed been dragged here to fulfill. When three men in Church garb stepped into view and brandished weapons at him, he just shook his head and kept walking toward them. One of the church asshats stepped forward a little. Youre very brave to have survived the Forest of Despair, but you cant hope to stand against us. You will come and This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. Move, said Terry not breaking stride as he closed the distance with the men. I dont have the time, interest, or patience to deal with your stupidity. The man drew himself up and self-righteously declared, We represent the Church! So? Kill him! bellowed the man in charge. Terry dropped the head sack. It had served him well, and he didnt want these idiots to damage it. While he wasnt eager to kill these men, theyd taken the decision out of his hands. It took him a moment to realize that these Church people were clearly not top-shelf fighters. Damn, they are slow, he thought as he launched himself toward the group. His sword seemed to appear in his hand of its own volition. By the time the lead man had managed to level his spear, Terry was already there. He knocked the spear out of his way by slapping the haft. It flew out of the church guys hand. The man had a moment to stare after it in shock before Terry planted a foot in the mans chest and drove him to the ground. There was a cracking sound as something in the mans chest gave way. The other two dropped their spears and went for swords. Terry punched the one on the left in the face. There was another cracking sound as the mans neck gave way. He just leaned out of the way at the last Church guy tried to cut him down with a overhand chop of his sword. Terry was walking back to the first guy before the last guy even realized that hed been run through. There was the sound of a body collapsing behind him. Terry pushed away the sick feeling in his stomach as best as he could. Rule Number Two, he reminded himself. They werent here to trade recipes. It was you or them. He looked down at the guy hed kicked in the chest. The man was still alive, even if he didnt look very healthy at the moment. How close is the road? he asked. Wont tell you anything, wheezed the Church guy before spitting up some blood. Dont be a whiny loser. You picked this fight. Its not my fault you werent strong enough to win it. The Church will Yeah, Im sure theyll do scary things in a month or three when they realize youre not coming back. Road? Fool. Im sworn to Hey, Drumstick! Come here! shouted Terry. The big beast peeked around a massive tree nearly fifty feet away. Apparently satisfied that the fighting was over, it trotted over. It gave the men on the ground a curious look. Are you hungry? Do you want to eat this guy? asked Terry. He gestured at the wide-eyed Church man who tried to push himself away. All he seemed to do was aggravate his internal injuries, because he spat up more blood. Drumstick leaned in a bit so its huge avian head hovered over the injured man. It let out a little squawk noise that could have literally meant anything. You do? interpreted Terry. Well, in that case Half a days travel, gasped the man. You see, said Terry, feigning a disregard for life he didnt feel in the slightest. You could have just told me that and saved yourself some terror. Call it off, pleaded the man. Having gotten what he wanted from the man, Terry steeled himself. Killing people wasnt easy, but it was slightly easier when they were trying to kill him. Killing the injured, pleading, terrified guy on the ground was the exact opposite of that. Not that Terry expected hed have gotten similar consideration if hed been the one on the ground. He decided to end it quick. He drew back his jian, intending to end it in one thrust. Please dont! My father The jian punched through the mans heart. Terry gave it a hard twist and pulled the blade free. There was an awful few seconds before the man died, his mouth moving wordlessly, and unbridled fear in his eyes. When those eyes went blank, Terry finally let that sick feeling overwhelm him. He took a few steps away and leaned against a tree. Then, he vomited onto the ground. Youd have to be some kind of a sociopath to thrive in this world, thought Terry. Taking deep breaths for about thirty seconds, he got his rebelling stomach under control again. He went over and searched the men. He was looking for something that they might have been using to track him. Not that he thought hed necessarily recognize it when he saw it, but they must have had something. It was the only explanation for how they found him. They must have raced ahead on the road and been waiting. All he found were weapons, coin pouches, and some weird Church symbol pendants. Didnt I take one of those off that priest? Oh, Im so stupid. Its a world of magic. Of course, they can track those things. Digging out the one hed take off the priest, he dropped it on the ground near the bodies. He stared at the swords with a bit of longing. They looked a lot nicer than his, but he didnt dare take them. What if the Church could track those? Plus, they were a different style. He got the impression from other-Terry that he wouldnt be able to use them as well as a jian. He looked at Drumstick. Itd been one thing when hed making threats, but he wasnt sure if he could let the beast eat those men. He knew something in the forest almost certainly would, but the idea of letting it happen, watching it happen, was too much like something out of a bad horror movie. He picked up the head sack and started walking. Lets go, he called over his shoulder. Drumstick gave the bodies another look before it fell into step behind him. Terry heaved a huge sigh of relief. He wasnt sure he wanted to try to scare the beast away from food it had already started eating. While the chicken-lizard was a coward, that seemed like a good way to find out if it had violent streak inside of it somewhere. Half a day, said Terry. Then, I can go look for some civilization. Chapter 22 – Unburdened…Nope, Still Burdened You cant come with me! shouted Terry. He was standing on the road, and Drumstick was standing just inside the trees of the forest. The big stupid beast was giving him sad eyes, which just seemed like something a fourteen-foot chicken-lizard shouldnt be able to do. As far as Terry was concerned, you could either be huge and terrifying, or you could emotionally blackmail with your eyes like a puppy. You didnt get to have it both ways. Even if I wanted to let it come, which I dont, it would end badly. Someone would kill it or at least try to kill it. While Terry knew the thing was obnoxiously harmless, as proven by its complete unwillingness to fight anything, no one else would know that. Terry figured any adventurer rank three or higher who saw it would immediately attack. Drumstick just looked like something that an adventurer should kill. Go on! Go back to the land of the chicken-lizards and have yourself some chicken-lizard babies. Drumstick cocked its head to one side like it was thinking hard about what Terry had said, which gave him a brief moment of hope. Then, the beast started to walk toward him. No! Back into the forest! If you try to follow me, they will kill you. Drumstick froze for a few seconds before backing into the forest a little. It took another ten minutes of Terry alternating between coaxing and yelling with Drumstick looking back at him every other step before the beast finally vanished back into the forest. Rubbing his face with his hands, Terry started down the road. I swear I need a nap after that. Not that he dared to stop anywhere near where he was at that moment. It would be too much like inviting Drumstick to come and find him. As the miles slowly accumulated, though, a sense of lightness started to overtake his mental fatigue. A lot of things ranging from unfortunate to terrible had happened to him recently, but he was free of all of that for the time being. The stupidly pretty people were nowhere in sight. He was mostly sure that hed gotten rid of the thing that the Church was using to track him. There was no busty farm girl shouting in his ear every fifteen minutes. Hed even managed to get rid of his oversized beast stalker. Things were actually, finally starting to look up for a change. All he needed to do now was keep a low profile, see if he could cash in with the foliasaurs head, and keep heading south. He just needed to hope that the Adventurers Guild wasnt too cozy with the Church, but there was exactly nothing he could do about that. So, he put it out of his head. As one day passed into the next with no signs of pursuit and no creepy sensation that he was being watched all the time, Terrys hyper-paranoia receded to mere heightened paranoia. After weeks in the former state, heightened paranoia felt downright restful. That wasnt to say that he was friendly with anyone he saw. Far from it. Hed seen what being helpful and vaguely friendly got him. Nothing he wanted. So, anytime he met some other traveler, he responded to attempts at conversation with monosyllables or grunts while letting his hand rest on the hilt of his sword. He didnt know if that was how all adventurers acted, but it felt like a safe move to him. The whole stoic warrior thing minimized the possibility of saying something he shouldnt. Plus, it had the intended effect of closing down most discussions within fifteen seconds. When he finally saw walls in the distance, Terry was a little surprised. It was just one more indication that the primitive pseudo-map he carried was all but useless. He thought he was going to be coming up on another town. This place was more the size of a small city than a town. His annoyance soon turned to happiness, though. In towns, people cared about what happened with other people because the web of connections ran much deeper. Nobody was going to care about him in a small city. As long as he didnt do anything too flamboyant, there was a good chance that no one would even notice him. He would bask in the golden glow of anonymity and mediocrity, the greatest camouflage ever invented. While he didnt think his light was too bright, Terry was perfectly happy to hide it under a bushel. And it worked! When Terry arrived at the gates to Riverside, a perfectly sensible name except for the complete lack of a river nearby, the guard barely looked at him. State your business, said the obviously bored guard. The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. Terry flashed his Adventurers Guild credentials and said, Adventurers Guild business. You may enter, droned the guard. Terry went to step through the gate and then paused. He hated to do anything at all that might make him memorable, but he didnt imagine asking for direction would stand out too much. Can you tell me how to get to the Guild here? asked Terry while doing his best to keep his nervousness in check. His efforts were wasted, though, since the guard didnt even blink. He just rattled off some instructions in that same bored droning tone. Success, thought Terry. Zero interest mustered. Murmuring thanks to the guard in an equally bored voice, Terry entered the city. There was something of a crush of people right at the gate. He didnt understand exactly why that was until he realized that there were merchants, or what he assumed were representatives for merchants, trying to find the right wagons. He supposed it was theoretically easier to meet people at the gate and cause a traffic jam than it was to track down one wayward farmer in the city. There were also pickpockets at work in the crowd. Most of them were kids. One or two very hard looks let them know that he knew they were there. They seemingly decided to try their luck with less observant people, which seemed to be almost everyone at the gate. He quickly broke free from that ever-shifting quagmire of merchants, thieves, horses, and wooden vehicles. It wasnt until he walked a fair distance that it hit Terry how unlike him it was to simply ignore something like a child thievery ring. At the very least, he should have been appalled by that fact, but he was having a hard time even generating a little righteous indignation. It wasnt exposure that had dulled his outrage. Hed only spent time in one other town. Shaking his head, Terry realized that more and more must be bleeding through from the other-knowledge. That was another problem he needed to face soon but maybe not until hed gotten a little farther away from known dangers. He felt at least a little confidence that he could survive in the largely uncharted forests given that hed done it for weeks. That would give him a bit of an advantage if he needed to, for example, run away and hide. He felt profoundly less certain that he could hide in a town or city. It must be possible to hide, or people like pickpockets couldnt possibly survive for any length of time. Yet, he was keenly aware of the distance between possible for someone and possible for him. No, I need to finish my business here as fast as I can and then leave. No detours. No inns. Maybe a quick stop at a market for some extra food, and then get the hell out of town. With that in mind, Terry went straight to the Adventurers Guild. The Guild Hall was substantially bigger than the last one hed been at, but it maintained the basic exterior look. The only sign that he was in the right place was the plaque outside. He pushed open the door and looked around. The setup was basically the same. There were boards where jobs were listed. There were tables where a motley mix of people sat, talked, or boasted loudly about accomplishments that Terry didnt care about. At the back of the room was the bar he hoped to see. A slender man with a thoughtful expression stood behind the bar. Terry just hoped the man was less predatory than the woman hed dealt with last time. He walked to the back of the room without making eye contact with the other adventurers. He didnt want anyone to decide that they wanted to become his new best friend long enough to rob him later. The man behind the counter gave him a professionally polite smile. Hello. Are you a member? Terry silently dropped his guild badge on the counter. The man picked it up, did something that made it glow, and nodded. Welcome to Riverside Guild Hall. How can I help you? I killed something on my way here, said Terry. I dont know if theres a bounty for it, but it seemed like the kind of thing someone might want dead. So, I thought Id check. Of course, said the man. Do you have some piece of it with you for identification? Terry nodded, lifted the sack, and dumped the foliasaurs head onto the counter. The slender man stared at the head for a dumbstruck moment. Terry became uncomfortably aware that the room was growing steadily more and more quiet. He resisted the urge to turn around and look. He had the horrible feeling that there were a lot of eyes on him at the moment. The slender man shook himself out of his stupor and nodded. He swiftly rifled through some papers that he pulled out from beneath the counter. He seemed to think of something, shook his head, and pulled out a different stack of papers. The man pulled one free and pressed it to the foliasaurs head where it stuck fast. Very good. Ill mark this job as complete. If youll follow me, well see to your payment, said the slender man in a slightly strained voice. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! This is exactly what I didnt want! Keep it together, man. Just play it cool. Terry grunted in the affirmative and followed the slender man deeper into the Guild Hall. Just before he passed through a door, he glanced back at the room. Every single person was staring at him. Some of the faces showed surprise. A few looked a little bit awed. Several people looked hatefully jealous. Oh man, this is bad. Chapter 23 – Safety in Mediocrity Terry stared across a primitive desk at the guy from the counter. The man had introduced himself as Vinlin Montsel. He was second-in-command at this particular guild hall, which told Terry almost nothing except that this guy was the gatekeeper to getting whatever reward there was for killing the foliasaur. He felt incredibly stupid for not realizing that something exactly like this was going to happen. After all, if that thing had been easy to kill or even manageable for any local adventurers, it would have already been dead. It would not have been waiting in the forest to do its level best to turn him and Drumstick into dinner. Of course, killing that damn thing was going to draw attention. Worse, it was going to draw questions. The kind of questions he could practically see swimming in Vinlin Montsels eyes. Learn from experience, Terry told himself. Keep your damn mouth shut. Dont volunteer anything. Would you mind if I ask you a few questions about how you killed that beast? asked Vinlin. Terry infinitesimally lifted one shoulder in the most half-ass, noncommittal shrug he could manage. Now, I just have to hope that this guy has at least some capacity to read the room. The only way I could have been less enthusiastic about answering questions would have been to simply refuse outright. He hadnt done that because it would have likely encouraged the man to seek answers elsewhere. Feigning a very grudging willingness sent the message that he didnt want to talk about it, which meant that hed lobbed the rudeness ball back to the guild guy. If the man pressed for answers when Terry showed such deep reluctance, it would make the guild guy the asshat in the situation. Vinlin seemed taken aback at the social hand grenade that had just landed in his lap. Sadly, it seemed rudeness wasnt enough to keep the questions behind the mans teeth. Where did you find it? asked Vinlin. Okay, hes not taking the hint. Lean into the stoic warrior thing, Terry coached himself. Forest, said Terry. What were you doing there? Walking. How did you kill the beast? asked a visibly frustrated Vinlin. Sword. Would you care to add some details? Terry leaned even harder into the quiet warrior thing by putting on a serious face and seeming to consider the possibility. Then, he shook his head. Vinlin genuinely looked like he wanted to give Terry a hard shake just to see if he could more words would fall out. The guild guy made a visible effort to master himself, though. You could have just said you didnt want to answer any questions, grumbled Vinlin. Terry shrugged and had to work very hard to keep an amused smirk off his face. That would not help his situation. He just wanted to collect his reward and get out of the town as fast as he could. Some of those other adventurers had looked like theyd be happy to relieve him of his hard-earned reward, even if it meant stabbing him in the back twenty or thirty times. What else should I have expected from people who literally kill for a living? Some of Terrys impatience must have shown through because Vinlin let out a resigned noise. If youll wait here a moment, Ill fetch your reward, said the man as he rose from behind the desk. He vanished from the room before he came back with a sword and rested it on the desk. It was a big, heavy thing that looked like it came right out of some medieval fantasy setting. Is that a bastard sword or a great sword? His mind churned for a moment as he tried to remember what he knew about them, but it seemed those two names were all he knew. He poked the other-knowledge but just got a sense of disdain in return. So helpful, muttered Terry internally. Terry looked at the scabbard and the hilt and saw a matching symbol that did not fill him with warm and joyful feelings. This is the reward that the Church put up for the bounty, said Vinlin. This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it That was as far as the man got before Terry reached out and pushed the sword a few inches away with a finger. Vinlin stared at him like hed lost his mind, but hed already had more than enough interactions with the Church to mistrust anything they had a hand in creating. Hed have been willing to bet they could and would use it as a means of keeping track of any adventure strong enough to pose a threat to them. What better way to identify people like that than by putting up bounties on difficult-to-kill beasts? The very last thing Terry wanted to do was willingly strap a magical LoJack to his ass. Thanks, but no fucking thanks. Besides, he already knew that whatever fighting knowledge that had been downloaded into his brain didnt include anything about using that kind of sword. It wouldnt matter how good or powerful or enchanted it was if it got knocked out of his hand every single time he unsheathed the damn thing. You dont want it? Terry shook his head and tapped the hilt of the jian. Can I get one of these instead? But this sword has a holy blessing, objected Vinlin. Talk about making my decision easy, thought Terry. I dont use that kind of sword. Its useless to me, he explained. Some of the incredulity faded from Vinlins face. While most adventurers would likely jump on the chance to get a blessed sword, the guild guy could accept that someone might not want to haul around a weapon they couldnt use. After all, much of its value was conditional on being able to wield it. For anyone who couldnt, it just became a very awkward paperweight. After thinking it over for a moment, Vinlin picked up the weapon and vanished through the door. He came back a few minutes later with a couple of jian. He put them down on the desk. Terry took a couple minutes to look at them before settling on the one other-Terry seemed to find the least objectionable. There didnt seem to be anything mystical about it. It was just the one with the best balance and seemed to be the highest quality metal. This one, said Terry. Carrying around all those swords before had struck him as overkill and trying too hard. Having broken several of them, though, he found the idea of an extra primary weapon a lot less silly now. In fact, it made him feel much more secure to have it. Vinlin nodded. That sword isnt nearly as valuable as the blessed one. I cant offer you the full difference in value, but I can partially compensate you, said the man, tossing a coin pouch onto the table. Terry picked it up and pocketed it without bothering to look inside. It had however much it had. Looking at it wasnt going to change anything. Vinlin quirked an eyebrow at him. Not going to check it? Not going to haggle? No, said Terry. No point. Vinlin snorted and said, You really are an adventurer, arent you? It takes the new people a while to figure that out. Although, given that you killed that beast, I guess I shouldnt be surprised. Alright, well, just one or two more details to sort out. Can I see your guild badge? Terry fished the badge out and started handing it across the desk. Why? he asked. You were clearly misclassified. I need to upgrade you to rank two. Terry jerked the badge back and cradled it possessively to his chest. Vinlins hand closed on empty air before he gave Terry a confused look. Happy at rank three, said Terry. He pushed the guild badge into a pocket out of some hazy fear that the guild guy might grab it out of his hand and forcibly upgrade the rank. Terry might not be able to do anything about a little local notoriety. Hed brought that disaster down on his own head. This, though, was a problem he could avoid. The confused look on Vinlins face morphed into one of pure disbelief. Happy at rank three? Nobody who can be rank two is happy at rank three. I am, said Terry as he attached the new jian at his left hip. Why? demanded the obviously baffled Vinlin. Because theres safety in mediocrity, thought Terry. Nobody is going to expect a rank three adventurer to do anything special. Not that he was going to say that to this guy. He needed some other reason. Some excuse for why he was turning down what was probably a dream for half the adventurers on the planet. It also had to be something plausible. Just a way to make a living. Not looking to die, announced Terry. Vinlin struggled with that answer before, looking like he was doing it against his own will, the man offered a reluctant nod. Terry had guessed right. Even in Chinese Period Drama Hell, there were clock-punchers! Guys and gals who showed up, did a job they knew they could do without putting in much effort, and went home. It wasnt admirable. It wasnt the stuff that heroes were made of. It was, however, understandable. Terry could chalk up the foliasaur as a fluke. It was a case of right place, wrong guy, and he just happened to come out on top. It was good for a nice reward, but not something he was looking to do on the daily. Not him. No siree, Bob. Let some ambitious young punks go out and risk their lives like idiots. He was happy to let the Adventurers Guild and everyone else see him as someone who took the easy jobs. He was hard-pressed to imagine a better kind of protection than developing a reputation as a guy who was kind of lazy and not impressive. Oh yes, he could almost feel the cloak of anonymous adequacy wrap itself around him like a warm hug. That didnt solve his most immediate problem, though. He needed to get out of town without drawing too much attention to himself. Say. Does this place have a back door? asked Terry. Chapter 24 – Meeting People You Don’t Want to Meet, Part 1 Terry slipped out of the back of the Adventurers Guild and made his way out to the street. He pulled his rice hat down a bit to obscure his face and merged into the foot traffic. He didnt try to push his way through, despite his intense desire to be literally anywhere else at the moment. He figured the best way to avoid drawing attention to himself was by acting like everyone else. So, he matched their speed and did his best not to make eye contact. Thats right you otherworld people. Nothing to see here. Nothing special going on. Just a guy walking and minding his own business on his way to whatever normal people here do. A tiny little light of hope was starting to emerge in his heart when someone stepped directly into his path. He had no choice but to stop or bump into them. He gave a moment of serious consideration to just plowing right over them like an oafish buffoon, but he didnt see a way that would help him. So, he stopped. He lifted his head just enough that he could their face from under the rice hat. She had a narrow face with high cheekbones. Her skin was pale save for a light smattering of freckles. Long, dark hair fell around her face and down to her shoulders in gentle waves. Ice blue eyes did their best to bore a hole in his soul and the smile she gave him was friendly-ish but had a decidedly predatory cast to it. Well, it doesnt take a genius to see that this woman is trouble, thought Terry. Dont even engage with her. So, I saw that monster head you just she started. Terry stepped around her and kept walking like she didnt exist. He heard her spluttering behind him like she just couldnt believe anyone would ignore her that way. Someone had a high opinion of herself, thought Terry. Shes attractive enough, but Ive been face-to-face with the stupidly pretty people. After that, its hard to get worked up by just plain old attractive. He kept moving, hoping that shed get his incredibly unsubtle message and leave him alone. He didnt really think it would work, but it seemed like he should at least try to avoid making a spectacle. It seemed that the woman didnt agree. He could almost feel her angry footsteps closing on him. Youre very rude, she said. Terry said nothing, once more adopting his stoic warrior persona under the working theory that he couldnt be held accountable for the things he didnt say. After all, no one could misrepresent words that didnt come out of his mouth. Well? she demanded, almost hissing the word in his ear. Terry honestly didnt know what she expected that to do. Hed already ignored her twice. Did she somehow think that the third time would make him explode into speech? He kept walking, right up until she grabbed his shoulder and tried to spin him to face her. It didnt work. While Terry wasnt sure exactly how getting stronger in this world worked, yet, he knew he had gotten stronger from those cores hed absorbed and the spirit beast meat hed eaten. What her action did do was make him pause. He turned his head a little. Not enough so that she could see his face, just a bit of profile, and then he channeled every fed-up gunslinger from every spaghetti western hed ever seen. He did his level best to embody a man who was about to murder everyone who even thought about annoying him. Remove your hand, said Terry in a low, angry growl. He didnt actually say, or Ill take it at the wrist, but it seemed the message got through all the same. The hand was snatched back. Terry gave it a few heartbeats. He tried to exude an impression that he was debating with himself if he should do something very violent about this bothersome woman before he twitched his shoulders in something that might have been a shrug and started moving again. He half-expected the woman to chase after him and issue threats or maybe say, You dare! He was almost disappointed that she didnt live into that trope. Hed never actually heard anyone say you dare and kind of wanted to, if only once. At least, he was pretty sure she didnt follow him. He couldnt look back without shattering the hyperconfident image he meant to project, so he had to just trust his intuition. Man, I cant believe that actually worked, thought Terry. It pained him a little to realize that if he stacked up every moment of cool hed ever had in his old world that it wouldnt come close to equaling the volume of cool points that one encounter had generated. For a few seconds there, I was actually kind of badass. Then, he remembered that he wasnt badass at all. And none of those actors hed been mimicking had been badass either. Whoever they knew that they had been emulating had been badass. Does that mean my moment of badassery was third-hand? That notion took the wind right out of Terrys sails. It didnt slow him down, though. Hed bought himself a little peace and meant to make good use of it. He was going to stop and buy food if he literally stepped into a market between where he was and the gate. Beyond that, though, he wasnt stopping for anything. The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement. He did find a market. He didnt walk straight through it, but it was adjacent to the street he was walking on as he made his way to the gate. He decided that was close enough. Unlike the last time he went to a market, he didnt investigate. He bought some vegetables and dried meat from the first people he found who were selling it and got right back on his way to the gate. He hadnt been able to shake the feeling that he wanted to be gone from this place as fast as possible. There had been something about that woman that made him feel edgy. Then again, everything makes me edgy these days. I might be overthinking it. As he approached the gate and several heavily armed men blocked his path, he mentally punted that last mildly gracious thought. You need to come with us, said one of the men. The baronet wants to meet you. Terry didnt say anything for several seconds as he tried to decide how best to play the situation. He really didnt want to deal with nobility in any form. He already had the Church to deal with. The last thing he needed was a noble house hounding him as well. The question was how best to go about that. Not meeting them felt like the best way to avoid the worst possible outcome. Given how corrupt the Church was, it seemed entirely likely that the nobility was corrupt too. Unless, of course, this was that shining gem of true nobility that seemed to show up in every story somewhere. That lone house shining like a beacon of truth in the long, dark night of moral decay. Given his luck recently, though, it was much more likely that these nobles were the other kind. The kind that hid murderous intent and rampant perversion behind a thin veneer of civility. The image of a grotesque old man licking some teenage girls cheek lodged itself in his mind and refused to leave. It was one of those things that hed seen in a lot of anime shows and films that always struck him as particularly creepy. He understood that was the point, but it had always left him with a particularly visceral feeling of ickness. Since he had no desire to see that or even inadvertently provide support for it, he decided that leaving was the better part of valor. With that choice made, Terry knew what he had to do. He just didnt like it very much. Grinding his teeth a little, he met the eyes of the man who had spoken. No. I dont think you understand how this works. You are going to come with us. Take him into custody. Remove his weapons. One of the men walked over to Terry and reached for one of his jian. Terrys hand shot out and clamped down on the mans armored forearm. The bracer creaked under the pressure before the metal started to crumple. The man cried out and tried in vain to dislodge Terrys hand. As the pressure mounted, the man fell to his knees. Trying to take an adventurers weapons? Do you have a death wish? asked Terry. I only wish to leave. Let me pass. The leader looked from Terrys face to the man whod dropped to his knees. Terry let his own eyes flick to the man. The look of pain on his face had been replaced by one of abject terror. The bracer was increasingly deformed and Terry suspected that he was on the verge of shattering the bones in the mans arm. Terry and the leader locked eyes again. I cant do that, said the leader. Crippling that man wont get you what you want. Just go with them, said other-Terry, breaking the long silence since he last spoke. The fight isnt worth it. But dont let them take your weapons. Regular-Terry was so startled by the suggestion that he let go of the mans forearm. The injured man scrambled away even as he cradled the injured limb to his chest. Fine, said Terry. But the next person who tries to take my weapons dies. You cannot meet the baronet armed, said the leader. Trying to take my weapons wont get you what you want, said Terry, very intentionally mimicking the other mans words. The leader took in Terrys expression and then glanced at the injured man who had retreated to the safety of the group. He seemed to decide that this problem wasnt his problem. Someone else could try to take the angry adventurers weapons. Very well. If youll come with us, said the leader. The men tried to surround Terry until he gave them a look so hard that they flinched. He just wished he knew what that expression looked like so he could use it again in the future. There was a decided dearth of reflective surfaces in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Wishing like hell that he didnt have to deal with any of this, Terry followed the men up to the biggest building in town. It wasnt quite a small castle, but it gave off that kind of a vibe to him. This is going to be a pain in my ass, thought Terry. I can just feel it. Chapter 25 – Meeting People You Don’t Want to Meet, Part 2 Terry was eventually deposited in a room. It was a plain room with a small table and a chair. He eyed the window. It looked like it might be big enough for him to go through, but it wouldnt be a fun time. Hed probably get cut up pretty badly on his way out since the window didnt actually open. Plus, when he pulled back the curtain, he saw that it looked down on some kind of interior courtyard two floors down. Resigned that he was just going to have to meet what petty kingling had summoned him there, he leaned against a wall and tried to figure out the best way to get out of this disaster in one piece. He could play along, but that was a losing proposition. He knew nothing about courtly manners. Pretending was as likely to get him into trouble as keep him out of it. Either that, or hed find himself committed to something without fully understanding what it was or what it meant. The other option was to continue as he had begun. The stoic warrior and angry gunslinger thing was not the best choice for this situation. Even Terry knew that much. This whole situation had politics written all over it. While he might have been willing to play politics with that woman back at the guild, he wasnt about to try that shit with professionals. These were nobles. People who had been born and raised on a diet of politics, status, and arrogance. He was, simply put, outclassed, and he knew it. The only real advantage to his brooding stoic routine was that he had laid the groundwork for it. If he continued to act like a man who hated talking and hated everyone who talked to him, no one would be surprised. Offended maybe, but not surprised since it would be consistent. He did remember hearing something about foolish consistency being the Demon? Orc? Some kind of monster of narrow minds. Unfortunately, he couldnt weigh the foolishness since he had so little to go on. The opportunities to demonstrate that consistency started arriving after a half hour or so. First, there was some kind of servant who brought in a tea set. They gave him a wary look and poured some tea. Terry grunted an acknowledgment but didnt even pick up the cup of tea. He didnt plan to eat or drink anything that anyone tried to give him in this place. Not too long after that, what he assumed was another servant came in with an armful of clothes. The clothes looked ridiculous, formal, and deeply uncomfortable. The servant eyed him up and down. Well, sir, we need to get you changed for your No. Sir, if you are to meet the baronet No. It would be quite improper for you to meet the baronet dressed as some kind of peasant, said the servant, getting haughty. I dont care. At least let me take away those ghastly weapons, said the servant while taking a step toward Terry. Terry drew the jian on his right hip and leveled it at the servant, who very nearly walked his own throat into the blade before jerking to a stop. The servants eyes were wide and sweat started to bead on the mans forehead. No, said Terry. Now, get out. There was a much longer wait after that before a couple of brutish-looking men in some manner of uniform came into the room. They both wore the dull expressions of men who followed orders because thinking for themselves had proven too difficult a skill to master. Weapons. Now, said one of the brutes. Terry eyed the two men. When hed first been dropped into this miserable world, he would have given in to these men without question or pause. They were exactly the kind of men who did terrible things to people and routinely got away with it back where hed come from. Of course, that was then, and this was now. Terry didnt think hed get out of the fight without taking some hits, but pain just didnt hold the same fear for him anymore. After all the fighting out in that damnable forest, and especially after the fight with the foliosaur, these two brutes just didnt look scary. He shook his head at them in a pitying sort of way. If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. The first brute rushed him and actually managed to grab his arm. Terry wasnt shocked, although maybe a tiny bit disappointed, that he couldnt just wrench his arm free. That meant these idiots were strong. But that strength combined with their size made a small room a poor place for them to fight. Terry, on the other hand, was just as strong as they were, but he was smaller and agile. A swift punch to the first brutes face jarred the man so badly that Terry succeeded in freeing his other arm. After that, the fight didnt last very long. He could feel himself being guided by the other-knowledge. His blows landed in places that seemed to deliver outsized results. He had a vague feeling that he was targeting nerve clusters and pressure points, but that was just a vague intuition. The fight ended when he landed a vicious kick on one of the brutes that sent the man and the door to the room crashing into the hallway. Angry now, Terry grabbed the limp form of the other brute and threw him into the hallway. He stormed out of the room and glared around at several frightened-looking guards who had swords and spears pointed at him. Try to take my weapons again, you die, he said. Directing one last glare around at the men, he walked back into the now doorless room. He righted the chair and sat down in it. Grumbling under his breath, he took out a waterskin and drank a bit of water. He found an apple in his pack and ate it while directing baleful looks at the empty doorway. There was another long wait before the man who had fetched him from the gate walked into view. The man looked at the splintered remains of the door and shook his head. Then, he stepped into the room. My name is Gilvane, said the man. Terry just looked at him from beneath the rice hat hed put back on after the fight. Gilvane waited for a few beats, clearly expecting Terry to introduce himself. When it became painfully obvious Terry had no intention of playing ball, the man continued. We cannot let you meet the baronet armed. Then, let me go. A pained look crossed Gilvanes face when he said, Ah, yes, that. Im afraid we cant do that either. The baronet was quite insistent. Terry said nothing. He said it loudly. There are rules, tried Gilvane. So? You really arent going to make this easy on me, are you? Like you did for me at the gate? Gilvane winced, and Terry felt a tiny smidgen of sympathy for the man. Not enough to do a single thing to make the mans life easier, but he felt it. It was clear that Gilvane knew he was on the wrong side of this and didnt like the position hed been put in. At the same time, hed been given orders and meant to carry them out as well as he could. It was quite the pickle since Terry didnt plan to give so much as a millimeter on this whole weapons issue. I dont want to take them by force, said Gilvane. Terry gave the man a bland look. He didnt know if Gilvane could back up that threat, but Terry wasnt going to let the man think it had worked. Indifference had been getting him by so far, so he went with that. If an armed adventurer scares the coward, he shouldnt have had me brought here, said Terry. Gilvanes face twisted with anger, and he reached for his sword. Terry was faster. Before Gilvanes sword was halfway unsheathed, Terrys jian was pressed against the side of the mans neck. They stood there frozen like that for five seconds before Gilvane released his grasp on the hilt in his hand. Gravity dragged the weapon down into place. Terry took a step back. I tire of this. Take me to him, ordered Terry. There is a dinner being prepared, said Gilvane in a tight voice. The guests havent all arrived yet. He means some kind of stupid noble party, thought Terry. Nothing good ever happens at parties. Feeling that hed played along with this farce for more than long enough, Terry simply walked past Gilvane and into the hall. Which way to the entrance? he demanded as he pointed his jian at one of the guards. The man looked so frightened that Terry thought the guy was going to pass out. Never mind, muttered Terry. Ill find it myself. Chapter 26 – Meeting People You Don’t Want to Meet, Part 3 Terry didnt storm through the halls of the quasi-castle hed found himself in. Storms break things, he assured himself. Im just moving with purpose. Intense purpose. Thats all. Several attempts to get him to stop had happened, but it seemed his display against the two brutes had left its mark. While lots of people kept talking at him, nobody tried to physically stop him. Of course, that was of only limited value to him because he didnt actually remember the way out. In hindsight, he realized that hed been taken on a very roundabout path to get to that room they stuck him in. Stupid, he thought. Always pay attention to how to get back out. Come on, self. Thats like survival 101. Not that Terry could be too hard on himself. Hed had a baptism by fire out in the forest. The threats were very direct. That had made survival there very straightforward. Kill everything that threatened him. If hed needed to run away, there was a great big forest in every direction. Retreating just meant picking a direction. Hed been lulled a bit by the return to civilization. He hadnt let his guard down completely, but the rules for surviving were a bit different. The things he had to pay attention to were different. Even so, he wanted to give other-Terry a swift kick in the balls for telling him to play along in the first place. Being stuck in this place was not his idea of a good time. On top of that, he couldnt even find a damn staircase to get to the ground floor. He knew there had to be one around somewhere. Hed walked up them, for Gods sake. He harbored a suspicion that they were hidden behind one of the seemingly infinite identical doors in this architectural Escher-scape. Terry had the growing worry that if things kept going this way, he was going to round a corner, bump into himself, and cause some kind of Terry-destroying paradox. Thats not going to happen, he assured himself. This isnt that kind of world. That kind of shit only happens in a Douglas Adams novel. He lost a few moments thinking about that. Not the ones about galactic hitchhikers. The ones with that chubby detective. Thinking about those silly books that hed read as escapism from the rigors of college finals birthed such an intense moment of homesickness that he stopped moving. Ill never read those books again, he thought. Whatever patience hed managed to desperately cling to evaporated in the anger that followed that upswell of homesickness. He glared at the row of doors that all looked exactly the same to him in a corridor that looked like every other corridor in the stupid quasi-castle. Thoughts of the inescapable labyrinths that featured so heavily in those LitRPG novels sprang to his mind. Oh, hell fucking no! Im not gonna spend eternity in this place. He started opening kicking open doors one after the next to the shock and horror of the servants and guards who had been following him around. One of the servants, a greasy man with a thin mustache, raced up to him with his arms waving. Please! You must stop! Terry whirled on the man with maybe a little bit of murder in his eyes. Then tell me where the goddamn stairs are! The greasy guy froze in place, apparently torn about what to do. Terry gave him more than enough time C at least one full second C before he kicked open another door. The sound of wood splintering as some kind of lock ripped through the door frame seemed to dislodge the servants hesitation. This way, sir! cried the servant, racing down the hall and opening a door. Terry stalked to the open door and glared at the servant, the corridor, and the stupid, stupid doors before he started down the stairs. He only became aware that he was muttering death threats under his breath when he kicked open a door and came face-to-face with a maid of some kind. She stared at him in surprise that turned to abject fear. Why would you do that? she asked as she stumbled back. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. He rapidly blinked as he tried to understand what the hell she was talking about. He thought back and realized hed been talking about cutting peoples heads off when he kicked open the door. He did his best to give the woman an apologetic look. Not you. Youre fine, he muttered as he strode out of the stairs into another fucking corridor. Wheres the door out? The woman lifted a trembling hand and pointed. Its that way. Thanks, he said, resuming his quest to get free. It took a couple more wrong turns and possibly a few broken doors, but he finally found the entryway. Freedom, he thought. Screw you, other-Terry. It absolutely would have been worth the fight to avoid all of this. He felt a stirring in that spot where the other-knowledge and other-Terry seemed to live. A voice that was his and not his answered him. Well, how was I supposed to know that backbone you seemed to grow was permanent? Youre pretty squeamish most of the time. Regular-Terry wanted to say that other-Terry was exaggerating, but he wasnt. Terry still wasnt on board with murderhobo-ing his way through life and killing random human beings for fun and profit. With the Church no doubt not that far behind, though, this huge waste of time had the potential to put him into a situation where he had to kill people anyway. Fucking Catch-22, thought Terry. You know, called out a feminine voice, youre being a terrible guest. Terry closed his eyes and counted backward from ten before he turned to see who was talking to him. Looking down at him from a balcony on the second floor was an elegant woman in something that vaguely reminded Terry of formal gowns hed seen celebrities wearing to big events. Well, gowns that hed seen pictures of online. He was firmly in the group of people who didnt care about things like award shows. Hed never watched one. But it had gotten damn hard in recent years to avoid seeing pictures of celebrities if you did anything at all online. That was particularly true with the scourge that was social media sharing becoming so ubiquitous. He shook off that line of thought to offer the woman his best we are not amused look. Guest can decline the invitation. For that matter, guests dont get invitations at swordpoint. The woman didnt speak for a moment and a faint crease appeared between her eyes. Swordpoint? she asked in a baffled tone. What sword? Terry stared up at her and tried to decide if this woman was playing dumb or if she actually didnt know what bullshit her own servants were up to. She had seemed genuine in her confusion, but Terry was beyond caring. The man who had stopped him at the gate walked into the entryway looking very angry. He opened his mouth to say something, but Terry beat him to the punch. Take it up with that guy, he said, pointing at the man. Gilvane, said the woman in a sharp tone. Gilvane froze before he reluctantly turned and looked up to face the woman. Yes, my lady? Why am I hearing stories about you forcing people here at sword point? she demanded. A little bit of Terrys anger faded into schadenfreude as he finally got to watch someone elses day turn to shit. It wouldnt get him back all the time hed lost in this place, but at least that Gilvane guy looked like someone had put crushed safety glass into his cereal. That almost made this whole thing worth it. My lady, said Gilvane, dragging the words out in a clear attempt to buy himself a second to think. Explain, she said. Gilvane flinched. At that, a little piece of Terry that he thought probably looked a bit like a goblin danced in glee inside of him. Serves you right, fucker. Gilvane slumped a little. It was the young mistresss orders that he be brought here and kept here. The woman on the balcony closed her eyes and started to rub at her left temple. I will beat that girl senseless, said the woman. Terry didnt think he was supposed to hear it, but at least whoever set this misery in motion was going to get chewed out. Still, he figured that this was as good a time to exit as any. He turned and started walking toward the door. A moment if you will, said the woman. Terry wanted to just run. Hed been blaming everything and everyone in this place for his situation, but it seemed that this woman, probably one of the owners of this place, had no clue what was happening. That wasnt really a ringing endorsement of her, but it wasnt like hed been there for days. Anyone could miss something that had only been going on for an hour or two in a place as big as the almost-castle. And hed been breaking things and scaring people. He wanted to run so badly, but he thought he probably owed her at least an explanation and maybe an apology. I know what this is. Its some kind of instant karma for my schadenfreude, thought Terry. Feeling his own shoulders slump, he turned and waited to meet someone he didnt want to meet. Chapter 27 – Meeting People You Don’t Want to Meet, Part 4 As they waited for the mistress of the house to join them, Terry watched with more than a little satisfaction as Gilvane became increasingly nervous. He did keep his amusement on the inside, though. While he might be willing to talk to the woman, his goal remained the same. He wanted to get out of the pseudo-castle and out of the town more than ever. He could almost feel the jaws of unwanted destiny snapping closed around him like some kind of malevolent celestial bear trap. He hadnt fled the stupidly pretty peoples unwanted destiny just to get snared in some alternative, but equally bad, one that required gnawing off his metaphysical foot at the ankle. Although, that would be right on goddamn brand for Chinese Period Drama Hell. Gilvane shot him a couple of looks that Terry chose not to notice. The man could certainly cause him trouble, but it was pretty clear where the power rested in this house. Terry just needed to make nice enough with the lady to flee unmolested. Plus, if he acknowledged the other mans frustrated looks, there was the distinct possibility that the other man might talk at him. It was easier to play the laconic wanderer if silence reigned than if he had to actively ignore questions or think up answers with a minimum of syllables. It honestly didnt take the woman that long to approach, it just felt like forever to Terry. She gave him a curious, assessing look before she fixed a much sterner glare on Gilvane, who tried to straighten his already ramrod-straight posture even more. Introduce me, she commanded. Gilvane bowed to her. The man straightened his coat, locked his eyes somewhere in between Terry and the woman, and fixed his gaze in the middle distance. May I introduce Heletina, the Lady Silventar. Lady Silventar, this is, the man hesitated, Terry. Heletina gave Gilvane an expectant look like she expected a lot more information from him. Information that Terry knew the man didnt have. Gilvane got a searching look on his face before inspiration apparently struck. Terry of the Adventurers Guild. Heletina fixed Gilvane with a look that said she was not at all amused by this dearth of useful knowledge about the man who had been all but dragged into her home. She kept that look on Gilvane until a bead of sweat trickled down from the mans brow. Sighing, she turned a friendlier look to Terry, who had felt no compulsion to intervene with any of that extra information she was looking for. Gilvane had made his own bed, he should be happy to lie in it while his boss set it aflame. Terry, she said in a musing tone that he didnt trust at all. Thats an unusual name. Ive never heard it before. Where is it from? North, said Terry. He supposed it was even sort of true. As he was the only one with that name in this world, apparently, and he had come from the north, that meant that the name was also from the north. He suspected he was engaging in some kind of logical gymnastics that bordered on the land of pure sophistry, but he found his conscience unbothered by that fact. It was also an answer that still served the purpose of shutting down too many questions. There was that pesky war in the north. Refugees might not be flooding this part of the nation or empire or whatever carnival shitshow passed as a form of government, but Terry had to believe that at least some refugees from that conflict existed. If he implied he was one of them, politeness should keep highborn personages indoctrinated in manners from pressing too hard. It seemed that this Lady Silventar was one of those types. Oh, I see. Whats happening there is a tragedy for many. It is, Terry agreed. Itd be even more of a tragedy if I have to go there. Still, he was happy to see the plan worked, because she immediately changed gears. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. Youre an adventurer? she asked. Terry nodded. Whats your rank? Three, he answered. She gave him a much sharper look at that. He could feel that she didnt believe him, so he fished out his badge and showed it to her. She frowned at it like she thought that maybe it was fake, but ultimately just nodded. Are you on a contract now? she asked. It sounded like an innocuous question for a split second, but Terry froze. Something told him that the question was a trap. He just didnt know what kind of trap. He vacillated in his head. He wasnt sure what to say. His instinct was to lie through his teeth and say yes. That way, he could plead urgency and hopefully speed up his departure. Except, he wasnt a very good liar. He had an intuition that this woman was probably a better liar than him and probably well-practiced in spotting deceit. Knowing my luck, shes got some skill or technique that helps her spot flagrant lies. If he said he wasnt on a contract, though, hed have a harder time convincing anyone that he had urgent business elsewhere. Hed already implied he was from the north, which probably meant that his family was there or had used to be if he stuck with the refugee story. Saying he was needed in the South would draw questions. Hed need to make up a story, and he was back to his original problem of not being a good liar. He also had to remind himself that the Adventurers Guild might spill the truth about whether he was on a contract or not. The guy at this local branch had seemed alright, but it was one thing to sneak Terry out the back. It was something else to say no to power. That was especially true if they applied a carrot-and-stick approach of money and threats. Terry was just a stranger passing through, guild member or not. That guy was stuck here. If their roles were reversed, Terry would probably sell that guy out like a scalper with Taylor Swift concert tickets. Hell, that question wasnt even that suspicious. They might be asking because they wanted to hire him directly through the guild for some adventurer work. Shit, he thought. They might not even need to threaten or bribe the guy. No, Terry finally answered. No contract. Excellent. In that case, given the appalling behavior of my daughter and servants, she shot Gilvane another look, you must stay for dinner. Thats not necessary. Just a misunderstanding, said Terry, probably a little too fast. I insist. Its the least we can do to make up for your mistreatment, said Heletina. Fuck me sideways. I think I just got checkmated by civility. As badly as he wanted to go, she had neatly boxed him in. If he insisted on leaving, hed be the one giving offense by being rude after her attempt to make amends. He thought hard about it. Part of him thought it might be worth angering them to get away sooner. Terry tried to remember every British period film hed ever seen. He didnt even know what a baronet was. Was it like the diet cola version of a baron? Not that it mattered. He didnt really know what a baron was either. The only thing he knew for sure about nobility was that dukes were high mucky mucks. Everything below that was just a hazy impression of hereditary power in his head. They were in this relatively small town. He wondered if that made them minor nobility. Of course, minor meant different things to different people. Minor here might mean they only had fifty soldiers to hound him instead of two hundred. For one him, traveling alone, that difference was academic. He might be able to fight them off fifty soldiers or even two hundred soldiers, but he didnt know. What if all their soldiers are like me? Id be screwed seven ways to Sunday. Im going to have to play along. He offered her what he hoped looked like a genuine smile and not a resigned, sickly, deathhead rictus. I could use a meal, he muttered. Wonderful, she said before clapping her hands. A woman dressed like some of the other servants seemed to appear from nowhere. It was so abrupt that Terry found himself looking around and trying to figure out where the hell she had come from. The new woman offered a deferential nod to Heletina, quirked an eyebrow at Gilvane, and gave Terry a neutral look. My lady, she said. Terry here, Heletina said, gesturing at him, will be joining us for dinner. Please escort him to a guest suite and see to it that he isnt bothered until then. Of course, my lady. Terry, this is Amaline, my personal servant. Shell take excellent care of you. Thanks, said Terry, not trusting himself to say more. Feeling trapped with no graceful way to escape, Terry just nodded at the new woman. Its just going to be a wildly awkward dinner with people you dont know and never wanted to know. Itll suck for a few hours, but then itll be done. While Terry would rather shave with a manual cheese grater than endure such a meal, he still thought it was marginally better than fighting his way out of the city. He didnt need more enemies. How bad could a meal really be, after all? Chapter 28 – Meeting People You Don’t Want to Meet, Part 5 Terry wanted to stab himself in the eye. That would at least give him an excuse to leave. He hadnt recognized the fancy dinner trope until he was escorted into the room for the schmoozing before the eating. Hed seen variations on it enough times to understand that he was out of his depth. Some people could navigate these situations. People other than him. He could barely navigate a date where the only things he had to do were try not to embarrass himself too much and avoid talking too much about geeky things until hed tested the waters. For something like this pre-meal get-together of people he didnt know and definitely did not want to meet, survival depended on a certain kind of understanding, a way of behaving toward and interpreting others. After poking the other-knowledge and trying to rouse some kind of response from other-Terry, regular-Terry was left with a sinking feeling. While getting his sorry ass isekai-ed to a new world had come with some kind of bizarre info dump and some new skills he really needed to try to get a handle on, he had not been blessed with an idiots guide to Machiavellianism. Knowing this, he had retreated both physically and metaphorically. He dropped back into a corner of the room so no one would wander up behind him. After all, just because he assumed this was generally meant to be a violence-free event, that was no assurance that someone wouldnt try to off him. He became even more laconic, answering most questions with a shrug or a single word. It was working, mostly because there were a limited number of people in the room. It seemed that the dinner party was meant to be an intimate affair or some other euphemism for too exclusive for poor, weak, unconnected, and boring people. Terry honestly felt like he belonged in that latter group. He didnt understand most of what the conversations were about since they revolved around people, events, laws, and ingrained cultural attitudes he knew nothing about. Once the fifth or sixth person had gotten nowhere with him, the rest of the guests started ignoring him. That let him simply stand in the corner, blessedly alone, and count the seconds until this nightmare finally came to an end. Then, a latecomer arrived. Terry tried not to stare at the Church official in his distinctive robes. His tension, which had been incrementally decreasing, immediately shot back up to one hundred percent. This is bad. This is very, very not good for me. I need to avoid that man. Terry looked around for something large to hide behind for a while. He would have even settled for someone large to hide behind. Beggars couldnt be too picky, after all. The room, for all its ostentatious glory, was also a wasteland when it came to good hiding spots. Terry gave serious consideration to simply finding a door to slip out of and making a break for it. Unfortunately, his gracious hosts had planted servants at all the doors to answer questions, announce arrivals, and presumably prevent a panicked Terry from escaping quietly. The bastards. Much to his horror, the baronet and his wife almost immediately led the Church guy over to him. The Church guy looked purely Western. It was almost a parody. He had the squarest jaw, bluest eyes, and fullest head of blonde hair Terry had ever seen in person. The man looked like he ought to be gracing the covers of trashy romance novels. He wasnt quite on the level of the stupidly pretty people, but he was close. The baronet, a much less cover-worthy specimen, had seemingly left all of the talking duties to his wife. The Lady Silventar smiled brightly and gestured at Terry. Your Excellency. May I introduce Terry of the Adventurers Guild. He had flatly refused any attempt by Amaline, the Ladys servant, to extract any additional information from him. Hed also denied her many attempts to get him to change his clothes and her one, very polite suggestion that he should disarm. Terry saw the slight crease form between Heletinas eyebrows as she provided the Church guy with the scant information she had about him. She didnt let it slow her smooth introductions, though. She gestured at the Church guy and continued. The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. Terry, may I introduce his excellency, Bishop Dallen Syndar. The bishop offered Terry a smile and extended his hand. Its very nice to meet you, Terry, said the bishop. Terry stared at the extended hand for most of ten seconds before he muttered, Sure. The bishop seemed taken aback and even looked down at his hand in puzzlement before he withdrew it. He frowned at Terry, who resolved to say nothing more to this man if he could manage it. Heletina let out a breathy little laugh that distracted the bishop. As you can see, Terry is a man of few words. Still, what would we do without the adventurers? What, indeed? asked the bishop, shifting a thoughtful gaze back to Terry. Have you ever been north of here, Terry? Hasnt everyone? asked Terry. If he absolutely couldnt avoid speaking, he might as well fall back on answering a question with a question. He knew it wouldnt matter in the end. The bishop would just ask the Baronet or Heletina. They would confirm hed said hed come from the north. Of course, Terry wasnt trying to run a long con on the guy. He just wanted to keep Dallen Syndar guessing for a little while. The more time he spent puzzling over Terrys true identity and reasons for being where he was, the more time Terry would have to get away from the friendly questions turned into unfriendly questions. Ha, said the bishop. I suppose thats true. Terry stared at the other man. He hadnt laughed. Hed actually said the word ha. Who the fuck says ha like theyd say chicken or fork? If that wasnt an absolute sign that the man was evil, Terry didnt know what was. Do you enjoy being an adventurer? asked the bishop. Its work, said Terry with what had to be his fiftieth shrug of the night. The Salvation does say that diligence and hard work will be rewarded, offered the bishop as he gave Terry an expectant look. Terry looked back at him. He kept looking back at him. He had no idea what the man was fishing for, just that he was fishing. After the silence grew long and decidedly uncomfortable, Terry generated his fifty-first shrug of the evening. Sure, he said. He did find himself puzzling over that phrase, The Salvation. He could practically hear the other man capitalizing the words. Is that what they call their god? Is it their holy book? Is this shit that everyone here knows? Terry had never been one for religion. Hed lost his faith in other people, who he could actually see with his own eyes, pretty early. That had made invisible parents with strange fixations on rules and rituals an almost impossible sell for him. Now, he wondered if not having a religious background was going to be just one more of a thousand things that were going to bite him in the ass like a coked-up crocodile on a beach full of drunk spring breakers. He noticed the bishop giving him a narrow-eyed look. I take it youre not of the faith, said the bishop. It wasnt a question, so Terry didnt say anything. He did see Heletina and the baronet trading worried glances. They clearly hadnt anticipated that inviting the local church bigwig would be problematic. It was equally clear that they werent sure how to deal with the obvious tension between their guests. Terry might have considered helping them out, except he didnt know how. He also didnt want to. This entire situation had been all but forced on him, and he was happy to make it as uncomfortable and unpleasant as he could without simply throwing silverware around. Dont you find a life without faith empty? asked Syndar with a decidedly chilly edge to his voice. Terry tried to decide if that was a question worth answering. He also tried to decide if he had anything to say about that. He wasnt sure that he did. They were all spared from additional social awkwardness by the door opening and one of the servants speaking in a voice that carried to every corner of the large room. The Honorable Kelima Silventar. Heletina let out an exasperated breath and muttered, Its high time that girl showed herself. Terry felt his fists and jaw clench. Whoever was coming through that door had caused all of this trouble for him. When she came through the door, he couldnt help himself. It wasnt a thought. It was a reaction. He lifted a hand, pointed, and a word exploded from his lips. You! Chapter 29 – Pre-Dinner Entertainment Terry had stormed halfway across the room before some things registered. Almost everyone in the room was staring at him with looks that ranged from horrified shock to disapproval and even one look of absolute glee. Being stared at by any group of people for any length of time was high on Terrys lifelong list of Things to Avoid. He hated it, but he supposed that ship and any semblance of his dignity had already, much like Elvis, left the building. In addition to all of the very uncomfortable staring, he had a servant clinging to each arm, and another had wrapped their arms around one of his legs. Hed been dragging them in his wake without even noticing their presence. A small group of very frightened-looking guards had positioned themselves between him and the Honorable annoying adventurer girl from earlier that day. He could tell the guard were frightened by the ways their weapons shook in their hands and the whites were showing around their eyes. As for the Chinese Period Drama Hell princess herself, she had taken two stumbling steps back and fallen on her ass. A fact which brought Terry no small amount of personal satisfaction. Her face had gone bloodless at what he had to assume looked like a man on a mission to kill someone and kill them good and dead. She had lifted a hand as if to forestall him or just ward him off. He hesitated a little at that point, though. I have no plan for this. Hed just seen her there in the door looking pompous and smugly satisfied, and something in his brain had just broken. He really didnt want to have to fight his way out of this place, assuming he even could. He barely knew anyone in this room, which meant he had no idea what kind of enemies hed be making if he killed any of them. That thought was interrupted when a couple of things happened almost simultaneously. Gilvane came out of nowhere and tried to tackle him. Terry reacted on instinct, his open palm crashing into the middle of Gilvanes broad back and driving the man to the floor. His recently honed instincts for danger went off, but he was confused for a second about what was setting it off. He didnt know if it had been Gilvane or something else. He felt a surge of gathering power from the princess, and then other-Terry shouted at him. Move! Terry jerked to one side, praying hed guessed right, and something he didnt immediately recognize zipped past his face trailing a wave of heat. It knocked the rice hat hed insisted on wearing right off his head. There was a collective hesitation like the entire room was holding its breath. Terry slowly turned his head to look at the rice hat. It had a hole burned straight through it. He reached down and picked the abused headgear off the floor. He eyed the still-smoldering edges of the hole. The entire world seemed to fall into one of those slow-motion moments that only ever happened in movies as Terry turned his gaze from the hat to the girl. She wore an open-mouthed look of bewilderment. It was as if she couldnt quite believe that shed done what she just did. Then, her eyes met his, and bewilderment turned to outright panic. Im sorry! she shrieked. She sounded like a little kid who knows theyve been caught and are desperately trying to mitigate the damage before the twin hammers of discipline and punishment fell. Whatever hesitation hed felt before vanished as anger was displaced by overwhelming indignance. Indignance on behalf of his hat. It wasnt enough that shed inconvenienced him, slowed his progress, and been at least indirectly responsible for putting him in a room with a Church guy Terry thought at least had a suspicion about who he was. Hed worked hard for that hat. Okay, maybe not that hard, but it hadnt exactly been effort-free. Hed killed people to build up enough goodwill that someone was willing to give it to him, and shed wrecked it. Now, hed have to find another one, and it seemed like they werent that common. Hed seen a few here and there, but no one had been selling them in any of the markets hed visited. Are the damn things only sold where the stupidly pretty people are in control? This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. He started toward her again, deftly avoiding the weak swipe of Gilvanes outstretched hand. He batted aside first the guards weapons and then the guards themselves. Before he was sure what hed do, hed seized the back of Kelima Silventars dress, right at the nape of her neck, and hoisted her into the air. She yowled like an angry cat when he gave her a hard shake. He waved the smoking hat in front of her face. Look what you did to my hat! he shouted. Then, she punched him in the mouth. It was hard enough that it actually split his lip and he could taste the blood. Hed fought things in that forest that werent as strong as this woman, which lifted a sense of restraint hed been wandering around with since he arrived. He knew he was strong, probably stronger than any human being back on his original world, but it seemed this woman was as well. He let go of the dress, and she dropped to the ground. It seemed her balance was pretty good when she wasnt startled because she stayed on her feet. At least, she did until Terry punched her in the face. She went down in a heap, only to whip her head around and glare daggers at him. She tried to any rate since one of her eyes was already swelling closed. Things got a little chaotic after that. It was a blur of punches and scratching nails and both of them hurling obscenities at each other. It was only after Terry realized that there was uproarious laughter that he understood that he had made a horrible scene. It was not helped by Heletina shouting at them to stop like an overworked public school teacher who had finally reached her very last nerve. Terry tried to step back, but the annoying adventurer girl took another swipe at him, only to freeze when her mothers voice rang out like a shot. Kelima Silventar! Stop this instant! It was a tone of voice that every child has heard and learned to fear. It was the voice of a parent who has been pushed too far. Kelima slowly straightened from her fighting stance and, shuddering, she reluctantly turned to face her mother. Terry thought that was the appropriate time for him to be literally anywhere else. He took one step toward the door. Terry! snapped Heletina in the exact same tone of voice. He flinched and, just as reluctantly as Kelima, he turned to face Heletina. The womans eyes were lit with the kind of fury that only children can generate in their parents. Her mouth was pressed into a line so hard that any color in the womans lips had vanished. The baronet, clearly having seen this show before, gave Terry and Kelima brief sympathetic looks before shaking his head and taking a sip of something Terry was certain contained alcohol. Heletina lifted a trembling finger and pointed at the table. Sit, she commanded. I arranged this dinner, and we will eat it. Doing his best not to hunch his shoulders or look like a whipped dog, Terry started to walk toward the table. He wasnt entirely certain where to go, though. His steps slowed a little. Now! came Heletinas whipcrack voice. And what are the rest of you doing? Stop snickering and sit! With Heletinas towering displeasure now being cast equally upon all, there was hasty shuffling toward the large table. Terry finally discovered that there were place cards. He was horrified to do discover that he had been seated to the immediate left of the Baronet. Doing his best to wipe some of the blood off his face without making a spectacle of it, he sat. The rest of the guests started taking their seats. Terry had been so preoccupied with not drawing any more attention to himself, that it was only when Heletina spoke in a harsh whisper that he looked up. Behave, you two, she said from directly across the table. Terry wasnt sure what she was on about until resigned dread settled over him. He turned his head to the left and found Kelima sitting right next to him, staring straight down at her plate, and refusing to meet anyones eyes. This is your fault, said Terry under his breath. She leveled a furious look at him. My fault? All you had to do was She was cut off by a hand landing on her shoulder. Terry was shocked to feel one land on his. The baronet leaned down and gave them both a patient look. I believe that my dearest wife will actually murder you both if you dont stop behaving like children. Just a word of caution. Terry wanted to say something in his defense, but he couldnt think of anything. Hed gotten into a fistfight with a girl, at her parents house, and in front of guests. His social skills were shit, but even he knew that was a bad look. He just nodded and took his cue from Kelima. He steadfastly stared down at his plate and didnt meet anyones eyes. Chapter 30 – Super Awkward Dinner Time After everyone had sat down and some food was brought out, Terry finally had a chance to get his bearings. That process took a while during which he pretended to eat, but mostly just shuffled food around his plate. He didnt get evil poisoner vibes from the baronet and his wife, but wasnt that how it always was with creepy serial killers? They looked normal right up until the moment you were knocked unconscious and woke up strapped to a table. Then, they whipped out a meat tenderizer and a bottle of steak sauce. Besides, who the hell knew what that daughter of theirs would do? Talk about not being able to take no for an answer. Hed told a complete stranger who approached him on the street to shove off, as one does, and shed had mommy and daddys armed employees come to get him. He would absolutely believe that she told the kitchen staff to drug his food. She hid it well, but he was certain hed seen crazy eyes during their little dust-up. It was not lost on him that he was much more confident and comfortable staring down rampaging monsters in the forest. He didnt like doing that because his sanity was still attached to him if only by a very thin thread, but he understood the monsters. They had very simple motives. They wanted to kill things, protect territory, or both. He didnt need to overthink those situations because there was nothing ambiguous about terrifying beasts trying to bite out your throat or turn your insides into your outsides. People, though, were largely opaque to him. Put them in the right context or give him a couple months of observation and he could make some plausible deductions. Drop him into unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar people? He might as well be looking at space aliens for all he understood them. He knew that was a big part of the reason why his knock down all opposition stance had faltered. When he was dealing with hostile guards or violent Church people, he was on familiar ground. It was pure them vs him. When hed been confronted with civility, he hadnt known what to do. It had caught him off guard. Things had snowballed from there. Hed already been wound up from his little chat with the Church asshole, and then hed seen her. Shed polished herself up from when shed been bothering him outside the Adventurers Guild, but hed recognized her. Shed become the lightning rod for most of his unchanneled frustrations, which she had mostly deserved. Looking back, he realized that had been his real opportunity to escape. No one would have blinked if he had. Thats what smart people did after making a scene. They left or, more properly, fled the scene of their shame. So, why didnt I? He pretended for a little while that he didnt know, but he knew. That kind of transparent lie didnt hold up long when someone was telling it to themselves. It had been Heletina. No, Terry thought, not Heletina the person. He didnt know her. It had been Heletina the angst-ridden mother. Terry had very little use for male authority figures. As often as not, they became the receptacles of all his misplaced resentment for his father. Terry had been raised by a single mother. That upbringing had conditioned him, as it had conditioned so many sons from similar homes, to react very respectfully to an out-of-sorts maternal figure. Fathers were distant, unreliable, and flaky non-entities as often as not. Mothers were immediate presences, absolute lawgivers, and very nearly minor deities for the young men who grew to manhood beneath their care. When Heletina had started using that voice of displeasure, he had stopped being Terry the world-hopping, reluctant monster slayer. He had become Terry the fourteen-year-old who had gotten caught smoking the one and only time he tried it. His teenage instincts had come rushing back. Those instincts had told him to obey because obedience was the only way to solve that kind of problem. Unfortunately, because it took his brain the entire appetizers and some of the first course to work that out, he was now stuck. He supposed that knowing how he got into the situation was a comfort, but it was a tiny comfort. After all, that knowledge did nothing to change the hugely fucking annoying fact that he was still stuck in the situation. So, Terry did the only things he could think of that didnt involve actions that would get him labeled a murderhobo. He did his best not to make eye contact and to provide non-answers to every question that was posed to him. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Its not poisoned, whispered Kelima while giving him a one-eyed glare. Her one eye was still a little swollen and bruised, but it was healing. Not quite as fast as he had healed, but it was still pretty fast. His lip felt mostly normal to him now. He supposed that explained most of the laughter that had been going on while hed been fighting the aggravating young woman. Throwing around spells or techniques or whatever the regional code word was for supernatural power was obviously dangerous. Terry could see now that throwing punches was probably the province of childhood violence in this place. It was what you did when you didnt have power, or you didnt really mean it, or you were dealing with an annoying sibling you couldnt kill. To see two theoretical adults throwing jabs and, in Kelimas case, handing out what amounted to cat scratches, probably was funny to these people. Low-brow humor, no doubt, but humor all the same. According to you, Terry whispered back in a voice he prayed wasnt carrying to Heletina. Kelima rolled her eyes, winced, and went back to her food. Terry went back to pushing food around on his plate and trying very hard not to talk to anyone. By the time the desserts were brought out, he thought he might escape without offending anyone else. He stared longingly at what looked and smelled like a berry turnover. It even had a dollop of what had to be freshly whipped cream on it. He was still staring at the dessert, his mouth watering, when someone said his name. He glanced up and looked around the table, trying to figure out who had been speaking to him. Then he saw that Dallan Im gods special, special boy Syndar was looking at him expectantly. Immediately not caring, Terry shrugged. No opinion? asked Syndar. About? replied Terry in a tired voice. A few people pretended to hide their smirks. Syndars eyes hardened. Even Terry could figure that out. Syndar expected everyone else to take him as seriously as he took himself. And here I am, so unimpressed with him that I didnt even bother to listen. Im sure thats going to go just great. One should listen when ones betters speak, said Syndar. I listened when Lady Silventar told me to sit, answered Terry. There hadnt been any real calculation to the comment. He just thought it would piss the guy off, which it did. It also seemed to put the man in some kind of a bind. Syndars face went almost purple in rage, but he didnt speak. Terry shot a cautious glance at Heletina. She wasnt smiling, but her eyes were sparkling with delight. Well, at least Im out of trouble with her. Terry tried to figure out what it was in what he said that shut Syndar down so effectively, but it escaped him. Hed stumbled backward into a temporary solution, and that was just going to have to be enough. At least no one else asked him anything after that, which did reduce the whole event from supremely awkward to just intensely awkward. There was some mingling after the meal, but Terry was allowed to retreat back to his corner. Syndar tried to get to him but was repeatedly intercepted by the baronet, Heletina, and a few other guests who seemed to think it was an amusing game to subvert the furious Church officials efforts to reach his goal. Terry didnt think for one second that they did it for his benefit. Well, maybe it was a tiny bit for his benefit, but it wasnt out of the goodness of their hearts. Hed taken the man down a peg, however inadvertently, and theyd all been entertained. This was his reward for their amusement. Terry was a little surprised that they managed to usher everyone, including Syndar, out of the house without him needing to talk to anyone. When the front doors were firmly closed, Heletina gave him a serious look. Well, she said. I suppose well have to get you beyond the walls as soon as possible. Otherwise, the bishop will have you murdered for sure. Shocking, said Terry in a bland voice before he started rubbing his temples in little circular motions. Chapter 31 – “Gracious” Departure Terry turned to glare daggers at Kelima. She visibly wilted beneath the look for a few seconds before she drew herself up. What? she demanded. You know what, growled Terry. Enough, children, said Heletina. Theres no time for this. You two need to get moving. What? said Terry and Kelima in unison. Terry did notice that while they said the same word, their reactions werent identical. He was mildly baffled and a little alarmed at the noblewomans words. Kelima looked happy and excited. Terry just knew that could not be a good thing for him. Heletina looked at them with an expression of perfect equanimity. Terrys alarm deepened. Terry, you need to leave. Immediately. Since you caused this mess, dearest daughter, its on you to make sure he arrives where he means to go safely. Of course, mother, said Kelima, inclining her head. Terry could see the corners of the girls mouth twitching as she tried to keep a smile off her face. Eyes narrowing, Terry looked from Kelima to Heletina. She met his eyes calmly. He wasnt sure that this whole thing had been a sprawling conspiracy involving the entire family and all of their servants, but it sure could have been. Minimally, he was quite sure that Heletina was doing her best to make sure her dearest daughter got her own way. He could respect that but No. Fuck that very much. Terry didnt know if it was a formal trope, but unwanted companions did seem to crop up a lot in any kind of adventure story. Sure, those people usually redeemed themselves by the end of the story, but the sheer mountain of hassle and annoyance that they brought with them was not worth it. A chilling thought struck him then. Unwanted companions were even more common in romantic comedies. If there was one thing that Terry wanted even less than being stuck in Chinese Period Drama Hell, it was being in the middle of a romantic comedy plot while being stuck in Chinese Period Drama Hell. No sin he had ever committed could possibly justify railroading him into that fate worse than death. Especially if the other lead in that story was going to be this entitled rich girl. He tried to imagine what that would look like in practical terms, and his brain was seemingly incapable of coming up with anything. That was all he needed to know. Ill have to decline, said Terry. Heletina, Kelima, and the baronet all gave him equally surprised looks before the expressions changed in different directions. The baronet, who Terry was starting to think might be the only other sane person in the entire building, looked relieved. Heletina pursed her lips like she was annoyed. Kelima gave him a vaguely confused look like hed spoken in some foreign tongue shed studied in high school and hadnt thought about in years. Well, you heard the man, said the baronet in a cheerful voice. Heletina gave her husband a sharp look, and he lapsed into silence with a resigned sigh. Heletina turned a smile on Terry that made his skin feel like it wanted to crawl away. Terry, she said in the voice of a parent explaining simple things to a confused child, traveling alone is dangerous. Thats particularly true if you have people looking for you Terry cut her off, When I left the Adventurers Guild earlier today, I already had more difficult problems in my life than I knew what to do with. But I was finally starting to get them under the tiniest semblance of control. If Id been able to leave when I wanted to, it might have even been enough to buy me some breathing room. Then, the princess over there had to throw her little tantrum. I didnt throw a tan By the way, princess, did you see me put up a want ad looking for an aggravating helper monkey? Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. Whats a want ad? asked the Baronet. Whats a helper monkey? asked Heletina. I did not throw a tan Kelima started to say again, only to be cut off again. You did not see me post that want ad, said Terry, answering his own question. And even if you had seen me do that, I still wouldnt have chosen a spoiled brat who doesnt know how to take no for an answer. Terry, started Heletina, her eyes flashing with anger. Terry was surprised when the baronet put a restraining hand on her shoulder. Hed kind of thought that the man was henpecked, but the stern look he gave his wife shut her down. She closed her mouth and looked back to Terry. There was still intense dissatisfaction in her eyes, but she didnt speak. Terry stabbed a finger at Kelima, who snapped her mouth closed and took a step back. Everything you did today accomplished nothing but making my life harder. I cant even imagine the messes you would make when things didnt go your way out on the road. Why would I ever knowingly consent to having you around? I she stammered. I wouldnt, Terry snapped. The same anger that had fueled his door-kicking escapade earlier in the day was surging inside him again. He wanted to kick open a few doors right then and there. Maybe he could break some other stuff for good measure. Feeling like he needed to say something else before he stormed out of the place, he lifted his hat up so everyone looked at it. It wasnt smoking anymore, but there was a very obvious, very charred, circular hole in it. And you ruined my hat. I loved this hat, he growled before throwing the wounded headgear at the girl. She almost fumbled it but managed to catch it in the end. Hauling on the leash that was still tenuously connected to his anger, he faced the Baronet and Heletina. He gave them a stiff bow. Baronet. Lady Silventar. Thank you for dinner, he squeezed out through clenched teeth in a vague bid to at least not make these people his active enemies. Turning on his heel, Terry swept toward the front door. He could tell that his eyes were blazing by the way the servants at the door leaned back. He saw them look to the noble family behind him for some kind of instruction, but he spoke first. Move. It wasnt a request. It wasnt an invitation. It was a command. One of the servants flinched and then rushed to open one of the doors. He strode over the unobstructed threshold and into the cool night air. It took him a few moments to orient himself, but he was swiftly stalking toward the front gate of the pseudo-castle. Terry knew that hed steamrolled them with shock and momentum, but that wouldnt last forever. He needed to be out of this place and out of this town before they regained their composure. If he didnt, that girl would be hounding him with a million-and-one reasons why she wasnt a spoiled one percenter and demanding he explain why he was such a big, fat meaniehead to her. God save me, thought Terry. He almost said it aloud before thinking better of it. He cast a suspicious look at the sky. All things considered, he was pretty sure didnt want any attention from any god involved with this world. The guards at the gate must have mistaken him for either a guest or a servant who was done for the day. Either way, they swung open a smaller gate designed for people on foot and let him make good his escape. Again, it took him a little while to get oriented. If it had still been daytime, he would have had a better sense of where he was and where to go, but things never looked the same at night. Windows became shiny beacons of light and warmth. Alleys became shadowy caves. The entire sense of the town was just different. Still, he spent enough time navigating by the position of the moon that he was able to make his way toward the south gate. He was leaving tonight, one way or the other. There was only one hiccup along the way. A couple of burly guys who looked like they might have failed out of an MMA school for being too violent appeared out of one of those alleys. Terry decided that they must not be that bright if they were hassling a guy with not one, but two swords strapped to his hips. You shouldnt be out at night, said one of the thugs who scratched his cheek with a long knife. Dangerous at night. Terry couldnt believe it. While he hadnt been looking for someone to vent his spleen on, he wasnt going to pass up the opportunity when it threw itself at him like this. He smiled as he closed on the two without even breaking his stride. Both of the thugs froze when they realized that he wasnt slowing down, trying to run, or doing anything that a scared person should do. Terrys foot slammed into the chatty thugs stomach and sent him flying. The man landed in a heap a good twenty feet away and didnt seem inclined to get back up. The other thug decided that discretion was the better part of valor and started to back off, but Terry grabbed the mans shirt and hauled him up short. With a twisting motion, he hurled the thug back into the darkness of the alley. There was a truly appalling racket as the man crashed into or possibly through some things. He even heard some cats yowling. He peered into the darkness of the alley for a moment, trying to pierce the gloom. Do they even have cats in this world? Chapter 32 – Friend It turned out that they did have cats in that world or something pretty close. At least a dozen of them came racing out of the alley like a silent feline tide before dispersing into the night like shadows. They werent exactly like the cats that he remembered from home, what with having four ears. However, seeing them made him feel oddly better. He hadnt had a cat back on his old world. That had more to do with draconian lease policies than his personal feelings, though. He actually liked cats. The simple knowledge that cats or cat-adjacent creatures lived here restored a slender thread of hope that he wasnt trapped somewhere that was inevitably doomed. He was about to turn and walk away when a much smaller form emerged from the darkness. It wasnt quite young enough to be a newborn, but it was young. And it was limping on its stumpy, adorable legs. Terry stiffened in place. He didnt know for sure that the limp was his fault, but it seemed painfully likely. He had just thrown a grown man into the darkness. On the other hand, this had all the earmarks of a dozen animal-related tropes. He took a step back. The little beast looked up at him with big, wet kitten eyes that made Terry feel like a horrible person for not immediately providing it with comfort. He tried to shield his mind from the obvious telepathic control the pseudo-cat was exerting over him. It probably has fleas, or worms, or some terrible disease that only exists in a place where tropes are things living human beings have to put up with. I should just walk away. The kitten let out a plaintive little mewing noise and took a limping step toward him. Im sure youre just looking for your mother, he told the kitten. She wont come back as long as Im here. He turned and took a few steps before another little mew made him look back. The kitten had changed course and was now limping after him. He watched as the kitten took a few more limping steps before his heart couldnt bear the sight of it anymore. Heaving a tremendous sigh, he stepped back to the kitten and crouched down. He held his hand out near the ground. Close enough that the kitten could reach it, but hopefully not so close that it would frighten the little thing. The kitten took another limping step or two, sniffed his hand a few times, and then inexpertly crawled up onto his palm. It immediately curled up and started to buzz with a soft purr. You dont need a cat, Terry, he told himself. Its going to need food and attention and probably a million other things you know nothing about. Just put it down and be on your way. That was all great advice that he completely ignored as he nestled the warm little creature inside his robes. Its not like food is that expensive. He started walking again, only stopping long enough to pick up the knife the chatty thug had dropped and to take the mans coin pouch. The thug was still curled up like hed just been kicked, but he managed to wheeze something out. Thats thats mine. The thug made a weak swipe for the coin pouch that Terry batted away. Lets call it your idiot tax for the week, said Terry. He was nervous as he approached the gate, half expecting to see Gilvane or someone else waiting for him there. He also worried that the city guard wouldnt let him out at night. He supposed that was something he should have asked someone about when he had the chance. Hed just been so intent on leaving, and then so distracted by anger or awkwardness that it just hadnt occurred to him. Hanging around and asking questions like a know-nothing tourist just hadnt struck him as a great idea when he was quite sure people were looking for him. Something that didnt seem likely to change anytime soon. He was pleasantly surprised when the guards let him out. He just flashed his Adventurers badge and that was it. They did give him odd looks and asked him repeatedly if he was sure he wanted to leave at night. He just mumbled something about important business and gave them a wave as he walked through the gate. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. They shut it behind him and threw a heavy bolt to make sure it couldnt be opened. He assumed that meant they were worried about monsters roaming the night and getting inside the walls. It might have just been some general anxiety about the possibility, but it seemed far more likely to Terry that they were worried about something specific. Theres probably some awful thing out here. Of course, hed hacked, slashed, and punched his way through a lot of awful things already. What were a few more, especially if it meant getting a head start on Terry sighed. On everyone. He almost unconsciously slipped a hand inside his robe to gently scratch around the kittens ears. The intensity of the purring increased. Well, at least I have one friend here. Terry took his time increasing his speed. He wanted to make sure the kitten wasnt going to fall out of his robes if he was moving too fast. It moved around once or twice as he did, but seemed to decide it was secure enough and went back to napping and purring, obviously unconcerned with what its bed was doing. That was good because Terry wanted miles and miles behind him before he stopped to grab a few hours of sleep. He kept a sharp eye on the trees around him. Not that he could see much in the darkness. It just seemed prudent to him. Once or twice, he thought he caught a pair of eyes or some kind of movement out in the trees. Hed braced himself for violence. To both his relief and vague disappointment, nothing came charging out to challenge or eat him. Stopping to sleep was a bare-bones affair. Hed slowly crept off the road and into the forest. It was nearly impossible to see anything, but he didnt want to light a candle or lamp. That just seemed like a great way to draw all kinds of unfriendly attention. His eyes did adjust a little bit to the pervasive darkness beneath the thick canopy overhead. He eventually found a spot beneath a tree to wrap himself in a blanket. It was too dark to set up his primitive version of a tent, and he didnt want to be too comfortable. Comfort would encourage him to sleep deeply. The canvas he hung over a rope to serve as a tent would block out the morning light and at least some sound. He didnt want any sound muted. He wanted to wake up and get moving as soon as the forest started to come alive in the morning. He slept fitfully that night. His dreams were disorienting things that mixed bits and pieces of his old life and his new life. He found himself fighting small versions of the foliasaur at one of the parks where he used to go hiking. Kemira was running a cash register at a fast food joint and complaining about political matters that had to come from the new world. He kept spotting the stupidly pretty people pretending not to be spying on him. It was almost a relief when he woke up in the morning. He sat up and had a fuzzy sense that something was wrong. The events of the night before came rushing back to him. A quick check inside his robe revealed the kitten was gone. He looked around frantically and checked the blanket to make sure it wasnt still sleeping in it. A sick feeling overtook him as he thought that the kitten might have wandered off and gotten eaten by something. Terry exhaled a relieved breath when the little thing pounced into view from behind the tree trunk. It wandered over to him. It was still limping but looked less distressed about it. He stroked the kittens head and it eagerly rubbed its face against his palm. Satisfied that the world was no less terrible than it had been before he went to sleep, he stood up and took a little walk to relieve himself. He stepped around the tree and came to an abrupt halt. There were half-eaten snake corpses littering the ground. Some of them were four or five feet long. The thought that these things had been mere feet from him was chilling enough, but a hard look at the injuries suggested that they had been made by an exceedingly small mouth with very sharp teeth. He glanced back at the kitten who was playfully batting at some bug it had found. He turned his gaze back to all the dead snakes. Terry stood there for a moment before coming to a firm decision. Im not going to think about it. Chapter 33 – The Prodigal Terry had honestly expected to find himself being chased and confronted by Church crazies, the annoying rich girl, or even the stupidly pretty people. However, he could admit that last one seemed progressively less likely the longer he went without seeing them. It didnt mean he wouldnt see them at some point, though. It felt almost inevitable that they would show up at some hugely inconvenient time and make some fraught situation a million times worse. That was how things usually worked manga and anime. At the moment, though, it seemed that he was free from unwanted harassment. His current problem was much more mundane. He wasnt sure where he was. That wasnt entirely true. He knew in a very immediate sense that he was on a road. It was the same one hed been following south, but he was beyond even the meager knowledge provided by his terrible map. Hed planned on trying to find a new one in the last town but that had all gone to shit the second hed started drawing attention. So, now he was standing on an empty stretch of road, staring down it, and wondering just how far away the next hint of civilization was. He might not have cared as much if those same disruptions hadnt also prevented him from buying some more food. He could live on what he could kill in the surrounding forest. He knew that much because hed done it before. Of course, that plan came pre-loaded with more risk than he liked. Unless he got very lucky, Terry knew hed get hurt hunting monsters in the forest. It was better than starving, but it was an undeniable, universal truth that pain sucked. A lot. He also wasnt sure just how far he wanted to push his enhanced healing. Cuts and bruises might heal pretty fast, but that didnt necessarily make him any more immune to poison or snake venom than he had been before Truck-kun came along with its vehicular kiss of death. When he was traveling out in the middle of nowhere would be an exceptionally crap time to find out that venomous things would still kill him dead or make him delirious or rot him from the inside out. The only upside was that hed run across a few streams that let him top up his water supply. He was starting to think that he must be immune to whatever common things lived in the water. If not, he was quite certain hed have been in nine kinds of gastrointestinal distress by now. Not that any of those things solved his current problem. He distracted himself with the kitten for a little while. He held it in one hand, while it was batting and biting at the fingers of his other hand, all the while purring up a storm. Given the number of dead things hed found on waking up each morning, he was quite certain that the kitten was perfectly capable of hurting him if it wanted to. It simply didnt want to. I really should name the thing. What do you think, kitten? Do you want a name? On hearing him speak, the kitten stopped play mangling his fingers and stared up at him with its shockingly blue eyes. They were like a pair of sapphires. Its four ears twitched and flicked for a second. It made a little mewing sound that almost sounded confused to Terry. I must be projecting. He stroked the dark fur on the cats head. Hed originally thought it was black but after days of watching the cat, hed concluded that it was just a very dark gray color. Itd be a lot easier to name you if I knew whether you were a boy or girl, muttered Terry. It wasnt like hed been a vet in his previous life. He supposed there would eventually be more obvious signs, but he wasnt going to search the cats nether regions to try to find out for sure. That idea just felt icky to him. Ill just give the cat a neutral name, he decided. Problem solved. Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. Why dont I call you Dusk? What do you think? Is that a good name for you? The kitten had gone back to playing, so Terry made the executive decision. He knew Dusk wasnt the most creative name ever, but it certainly beat calling it Gray_kitten_9003. Dusk it is. Terry looked at the road again and sighed. He might not know where the next town was, but there must be one. It was the only explanation for the road even existing. It was even in relatively good shape, which suggested that there would be traffic on it sooner or later. He went to tuck Dusk back inside his robe, but it seemed the kitten was done sleeping for now. It scrambled up his arm and perched on his shoulder. Terry didnt love it when the kitten rode there. He kept worrying that Dusk would get dislodged if something unexpected happened, but it wasnt like there were a lot of options. He supposed she could ride in his pack, but he kept his ever-diminishing supply of food in there. It seemed wrong to put that kind of temptation in front of a young animal. Resigning himself to just live with it, he was about to start down the road again, when he caught odd noises on the wind. He''d quickly learned that there were all kinds of strange noises in the world. At least, they were strange to him, but they were also normal for the areas where he was walking. Things like trees creaking a bit as they swayed, animal noises in the distance, and similar natural sounds. He didnt tune them out, but they had faded into the background after a week of travel. Hearing anything that didnt conform to that natural soundscape immediately drew his attention. It didnt necessarily mean something bad, but it did mean something different. So far in this world, different had generally been bad for him. He didnt see anything coming from ahead on the road, so he looked back the way he had come. At first, his eyes didnt detect anything but the usual movement in the surrounding forest. That wasnt a terrible shock since the road wasnt exactly straight. It tended to wind around hills and other obstructions, so the maximum distance he could see was usually limited to a mile or two. Straight roads were something else he hadnt known to appreciate in his old life. They offered better visibility for problems ahead of you and cut down on travel time. Of course, trying to see what was happening was not helped by the fact that it was particularly bright out that day. He kept squinting and mentally cursing that stupid noble girl for ruining his hat. He missed that rice hat so much. It kept the sun out of his eyes. It kept his head dry if started to rain. It obscured his face if he kept his head tilted at the right angle. He could even use the hat as a makeshift fan. It was so damned useful. He needed to find another one. When he did finally see something moving on the road, Terry didnt understand what he was looking at right at first. It was big enough that one hand dropped to the hilt of his jian while the other reached up to make sure the kitten was secure. As the shape swiftly drew closer, a sneaking suspicion took root in his mind. He squinted a little harder. When a new noise made its way to his ear, he closed his eyes and shook his head. You have to be kidding me, he muttered. Yet, there was no mistaking that squawk-roar. He even recognized the panicked edge to it. The cock-a-mawhojit that was racing toward him wasnt just any cock-a-mawhomjit. It was Drumstick. He opened his eyes and watched the giant chicken-lizard close the distance. Terry saw that it was being chased by some people who were almost certainly adventurers. He couldnt decide if this was his problem or not. It didnt feel like his problem. He wasnt especially motivated to intervene. Hed told the giant, cowardly beast to go back into the forest. Not that it seemed particularly likely that hed be able to avoid this problem, especially not when Drumstick raced past him, skidded to a stop, and tried to hide behind him. He gave the chicken-lizard an unamused look over his shoulder, while the thing stared pleadingly at him with its yellow bird eyes. Terry shook his head in disapproval at the beast before looking at the approaching figures. Why is this my day? Terry asked the air. Chapter 34 – Too Cute to Kill The trio of people chasing Drumstick slowed to a walk as they approached Terry. The lead was someone Terry would have pegged as middle-aged based on the gray streaking his hair, but he didnt trust that assessment. People in cultivation and LitRPG stories always seemed to age slower or have ways of extending their lives. He also hadnt dared ask anyone about it because he was certain that piece of information would be something everyone here already knew. Even the baronet and Heletina had looked too young to have a daughter in her late teens or early twenties. That made him deeply suspicious that the man was probably a lot older than he looked. He also had a very large, heavy sword strapped across his back. The other two looked much younger and, based on the way they kept glancing at the older man, were probably his students or subordinates of some kind. There was a younger man with a very deep tan and a shaved head. He held a bow, but there was no arrow on the string. Terry frowned at that. Either the young man was waiting for orders or he had some kind of magical arrow technique. If it was the latter, that was something he needed to watch out for. Based on the fact that the only other weapon Terry could see was a small knife, he had to assume that the young man wasnt big on melee fighting. He turned his eyes to the last member of the little party. She resembled the young man enough that Terry was willing to bet they were siblings or maybe cousins. She had her dark cropped close but hadnt shaved it. She held a spear and was comfortable with the weapon based on the casual way she was moving with it. She saw him looking at her and gave him a challenging look. Terry wasnt sure what that was about, so he focused on the older man again. The man was looking at him the way Terry had been looking at them. It was only then that Terry realized hed drawn some conclusions that he wholly lacked the expertise to draw. He supposed some of the information in the other-knowledge had seeped into his head. The little party drew to a stop better than fifteen feet away. Not so far that the archer couldnt do some damage, but far enough away that people using swords and spears would have a hard time fighting with each other. It wasnt quite a gesture of goodwill, but Terry chose to see it as a gesture that they werent in a hurry to fight him. Given that he didnt want to fight with them, that seemed like a good place to start what he hoped would be a short conversation that didnt end in violence. Terry was a little amused at the uncertainty on the older mans face. The guy kept moving his eyes from the swords on Terrys hips up to the kitten on his shoulder. It seemed he was having trouble deciding what to make of that particular combination. I am Haresh, the adventurer, said the older man. Terry, replied Terry. He pulled out his own Adventurers Guild badge and showed it to them. The young man and woman seemed to relax a bit at the sight, but the older one frowned. The beast is ours, said Haresh. Dusk is harmless, said Terry, reaching up to pet Dusk. The kitten had been staring at the newcomers with curious little eyes when not shooting the cowering Drumstick nasty looks. As soon as he started petting Dusk, though, the kitten started purring and kneading his shoulder with tiny claws. The younger man gave the kitten a baffled look, but the young woman was staring at the kitten with an I must pet the adorable creature expression. Haresh blinked a few times before shaking his head. Not the cat, said the Haresh in an annoyed voice as he pointed at Drumstick. That beast. Drumstick is harmless as well. Im quite certain of it. Honestly, the kitten is probably more dangerous. Its a cockatrice. Theyre dangerous killers, said the young man. Im sure most of them are. Im just saying that this one isnt. The first time I saw it, I threw a rock at it. It ran away. That isnt the started Haresh before he gave Terry a disbelieving look. It ran after you threw a rock at it? Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Oh yeah. I did throw it pretty hard. And dont get me wrong. If you told me that it broke into a bakery and ate all of the bread, Id believe you. Its a shameless glutton, but I cant see it ever hurting anyone. I mean, look at it, said Terry as he turned to observe Drumstick. The chicken-lizard was staring at Haresh and his helpers with mournful eyes and shuffled back anytime someone focused on it. Haresh didnt look entirely convinced, but the young woman finally spoke up. It did run away as soon as it saw us, she said. It didnt even try to fight, offered the young man. We can always find something else to hunt, said the young woman in a cajoling voice. You know, something thats actually dangerous. Yeah. I dont want to be hunting peoples pets, Haresh, said the young man. Haresh looked from Drumstick to Terry. His eyes shifted from Terry to Dusk. Then, the man lifted a hand and started rubbing his eyes like hed gotten an abrupt and painful headache. An incandescent ray of joy passed through Terry as he finally got to watch someone else suffer because of a trope. Hareshs payday had just been trumped because of, well, Terry wasnt sure which trope it was, but hed have put money on it being related to Dusk. Too cute to kill, or something like that. Terry and Drumstick had simply gotten pulled into the sphere of that grace courtesy of the law of proximity. Apparently, the young pair knew their mentor well because the young man started slinging his bow across his back. The young woman made her spear simply vanish. Terry stared at her in dumbfounded shock. The scrutiny went on for long enough that it seemed to make her uncomfortable. Her cheeks flushed a little, and she sent another of those challenging looks his way. What? she demanded. Am I so beautiful you cant look away? Terry snapped out of his trance. Is she that beautiful? He thought it over for a second. He hadnt been paying that much attention. Terry still had no idea what kind of magic dominated this world, but it did have the side effect of boosting everyones attractiveness. This young woman was no exception to that. She had large, dark eyes, high cheekbones, and what looked like a perfectly symmetrical face. Well, yeah. You kind of are, admitted Terry. The young womans previous expression melted into one of confusion, embarrassment, and even some pleasure at the compliment. What might have been a flush of anger immediately turned into a blush that wasnt helped by the young man or Haresh. Another suitor? Hopefully, this one wont sing. Or write bad poetry comparing you to the moon. Be quiet, she snapped at the young man. He shot her a grin that Terry had seen countless siblings give each other when they knew they had something aggravating to pull out at will. Haresh lifted his other hand and started rubbing at his face. It looked like he was hoping that if he rubbed his face hard enough, hed wake up and discover that he was actually napping on a beach with a cold, fruity, alcoholic drink sitting next to him. When the man finally lowered his hands, the look of disappointment on his face all but confirmed Terrys suspicions. The man turned to give the young woman a long-suffering look. You and your suitors will be the death of me. Hes not a suitor! Im really not, Terry offered. I mean, sure, shes beautiful, but Im not looking for a wife. Hareshs relief was a near-physical thing. The young man looked hugely disappointed, no doubt imagining all of the taunting he wouldnt get to do now. The young womans expression was a bit more complicated, and Terry couldnt sort it out. Instead, he focused on the thing he cared about. Where did the spear go? he asked the young woman. Do you have a bag of holding? Hed honestly thought that the things didnt exist in this world. What with people transporting everything in carts and carrying packs. If he could get a bag of holding, though, that would make his life so much easier. Bag of holding? asked the young woman. Terry searched his mind for other names that they might use. Storage treasure? Storage ring? Spatial pocket? tried Terry. The young womans face lit up and she held up a hand. There was a ring on her index finger. Yes, I have a storage ring, she said, eyeing him warily. Where did you get it? he asked excitedly. Do they sell them? Can I get one? She seemed a little startled by his flurry of questions but less concerned about his interest. Theyre hard to come by. I dont know of anyone who sells them. I got mine in an abandoned ruin. All of Terrys hopes collapsed. He let his head drop back and he looked up into the sky. Of course, theyre hard to find. This world sucks so much, he muttered before lifting his head to look at the trio again. The young woman was staring at him intently. It took a second before he realized that she was staring at Dusk. Before he could say anything, words tumbled out of her mouth. Can I pet your cat? He sighed a little. Just because he wasnt going to get a storage ring anytime soon, that wasnt a good reason to deprive the kitten of some attention. Sure, he said. If Dusk will let you. Chapter 35 – People Worth Talking To Dusk, Terry soon learned, was an attention whore. Not only did the kitten let the woman pet her but almost immediately abandoned his shoulder to crawl into the womans hands. Terry shot the kitten a look. Traitor, he muttered. Oh, shes not a traitor, cooed the woman while stroking between the kittens twin sets of ears. Shes just a sweet kitten. She? asked Terry. I wasnt sure about that. The woman frowned down at the kitten who had sprawled bonelessly in her hand. Then, she shrugged. Maybe. She it is, said Terry. Its that kind of trope. Whats a trope? asked Haresh. Its Terry didnt have the energy to get into it. Its nothing important. So, do these two have names? A smirk ghosted across Hareshs face before he resumed a neutral expression. I find that they respond to hey you. The young woman gave Haresh an unfriendly look. The young man rolled his eyes and stepped forward. Im Jaban. Thats my sister, Ekori. Exactly, said Haresh, who was having a hard time keeping a straight face. Who can possibly remember names like that? So long. So complicated. It wasnt funny the first time, said Ekori. It hasnt grown more amusing since. Terry watched this exchange and tried to decide what to make of it. It all seemed genuine enough. Haresh clearly enjoyed teasing the two, Ekori especially. Given how swiftly shed taken the bait, he wasnt sure hed have been able to resist tweaking her nose. Still, something felt off to him. He couldnt put his finger on what right at first. Then, when he did figure it out, it made him both sad and tired. Now that it was clear that there wasnt going to be a fight, he wasnt sure what to do. He appreciated that they werent dead set on violence. Hed had more than enough of that recently. That didnt mean he was particularly eager to spend more time with them. Fortunately, he didnt have to make an immediate choice about anything because Dusk was soaking up attention. Jaban wasnt as enthralled by the little creature as his sister, but he did go over to scratch the kitten under the chin in the way that every cat ever seemed to like. Even Haresh wasnt immune to the gravitational pull of the kittens cuteness. He eventually wandered over and let the kitten bat at his fingers. Of course, Dusk wasnt the only beast that he needed to worry about at the moment. He turned to look at the hulking form of Drumstick. The huge chicken-lizard was eyeing the kitten with such intense wariness that it bordered on the comical. Terry shook his head before he addressed the big beast. Were you following me? he asked. Drumstick swiveled its head to look at him for a split second before it looked anywhere but at him. I think that this thing has some serious malfunction. He gave the chicken-lizard a disapproving look. Drumstick might have been pretending not to look at him, but its head hung in shame. Hundreds of miles of forest around us, said Terry gesturing at the trees all around them. You can live in any of it. Youre huge. Just go make a home somewhere. Drumstick made a pitiful squawk-roar at him. Terry wasnt an expert linguist, but he didnt need to be to translate that. Please dont make me. He glanced over his shoulder to find Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban staring at him and Drumstick with slack-jawed expressions. What? he asked. You can talk to it? asked Jaban. I feel like talk is a strong word for what Im doing, said Terry. I guess it understands us well enough. Talking back, on the other hand, seems beyond it. Then, as if to both prove and disprove his point at the same time, Drumstick let out a series of disgruntled squawk-roars that, again, didnt need much intuition to interpret. What do you mean I cant talk back? Im talking back right now. Stop embarrassing me in front of the new people! Terry was willing to admit to himself that he might have just been imagining that last little bit. Maybe. It was hard to be sure when translating chicken-lizardeze. He did think that they were all overly impressed with the feat. It wasnt like they couldnt have done the same thing. He suspected they were overthinking it and just imagined he understood better than they did. After all, they had heard all of the same things that he had just heard. Whatever the case, he was sure that getting Drumstick to go live in the forest was going to be a more time-intensive task than he wanted an audience for. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. So, he turned to the three other adventurers to bid them farewell. Then, he hesitated. There was a lot about this world that he didnt know. Things he needed to know. And these three were the first people hed met that hadnt immediately been problematic. At a minimum, they could probably tell him things about the Adventurers Guild that would at least smooth the way in the future. It would beat having to figure every damned thing out the hard way. They could probably give him a read on the political situation, either in general or specific. He suspected they also had a better map than he did, even if it was only in their heads. They could fill in a lot of gaps for him that would make it much easier to survive. The problem was that he would have to either implicitly or explicitly divulge that he was from another world, and he didnt know what that would mean. It was possible that he was the first person who had ever been drawn there from another world but that seemed unlikely. If him being brought to this world hadnt been intentional, why had there been a greeting party for him? No, it felt more like it was something that had happened before. It might even be something common, or at least a known phenomenon. Most importantly, though, he felt like he had a decent chance of escaping them if they turned hostile. It wasnt a sure thing, and he suspected that Haresh was probably a lot more dangerous than he seemed, but he didnt get the sense that hed be facing insurmountable odds. Sooner or later, hed have to trust someone. As he thought back, that was also a trope. It was just one that worked for the poor damned bastards who got stuck in these situations. Hed been so focused on the potentially bad tropes, of which there were oh so many, and getting sucked into situations that he wanted no part of, that he hadnt given much thought to the idea that tropes could work for him as well. He supposed there was no harm in at least seeing where they were headed. If they were going to continue south, they could travel together. That would give him a chance to pick their brains a little and decide if trusting them was worth the risk. If not, hed just have to continue on as he had for now. Im heading south, he said, looking at Haresh. You? The man gave him a considering look before he said, We dont have a particular destination. Thats sure the truth, muttered Jaban. That earned the young man a stern look from Haresh. Jaban seemed unphased by the look because he continued. Im just saying that it wouldnt kill us to go to an actual city now and then. Theres no work in cities, said Haresh in a tone that suggested hed said the same thing many times before. Theres lots of work in cities, objected Jaban. Only if youre a rank two or a rank one, said Ekori. You just want to go to a city because there are more willing girls there. Yeah, said Jaban with zero shame. Not all of us have people falling all over themselves to try to win our hearts. I need to stack up as many advantages as I can. Enough, said Haresh in a long-suffering voice. Ekori and Jaban fell silent. Terry eyed the young man. He had his doubts that Jaban had much trouble finding willing ladies anywhere he went, but maybe expectations were different in a place where basically everyone could have passed for models back on Terrys earth. He didnt have nearly enough experience with non-insane social interactions on this world to judge such things. Haresh seemed to get over his frustration with his charges. He focused on Terry. Why do you ask? If you were headed south, we could have traveled together for a while. Safety in numbers. Haresh once again eyed the swords Terry carried before he looked at Drumstick and snorted. I get the impression that you dont find traveling alone all that dangerous, but its been a while since Ive been south. Is there something there you mean to do? A contract? Nothing like that. Im more interested in what isnt there, said Terry. What isnt there? asked Ekori. War, said Haresh. He means the war. Terry was a little surprised that he didnt hear any judgment in the mans voice. If anything, the man seemed a little sympathetic. It occurred to Terry that he couldnt be the only person who didnt find the prospect of war enticing. After all, these three werent there and didnt seem to be headed there. There had been plenty of able-bodied people in the towns hed passed through. Maybe the war was just a regional problem at the moment. He didnt know and, honestly, he didnt care that much. While Ekori took the news without much reaction, Jaban seemed to have stronger feelings about it based on the complicated expression he wore. Regardless, it seemed that Haresh was truly in charge because he answered for all of them. Why not? Theres bound to be something dangerous to kill in the south. Especially since our last two tries didnt get us anywhere. Oh? asked Terry mostly because he thought they expected him to. Well, theres your tame cockatrice over there. Before that, there was supposed to be some dangerous plant monster, but someone killed it before we could. Terry did his best to keep a mildly interested expression glued to his face. There were probably lots of plant monsters in this world. Plenty to go around. No reason to think hed killed the one they wanted. No reason at all. Chapter 36 – Banter Terry had never been much for group road trips in the halcyon days before Chinese Period Drama Hell. He didnt hate traveling. He actually liked seeing new things. Well, he liked seeing new things when there wasnt a constant implicit threat of being attacked and eaten by something dredged from the darkest corners of some nightmare. No, it was the trip itself that he couldnt really stand. He never saw the appeal of being trapped in a car with other people. The arguments about music, when to stop, where to stop, and the debates about who couldnt or wouldnt eat what kinds of food drove him insane. Hed never been much of one for philosophy, but he was just certain that Sartre had gone on a road trip before he wrote that line about hell being other people. His own social ineptitude didnt help with those situations. So, he recognized this little team-up with strangers for the fraught scenario it was. There were just endless ways that the whole thing could turn awkward. He didnt think it would end in violence, but intense awkwardness was a special horror all its own that he wasnt eager to endure without cause. Except, he had the burning need to gather information as a cause. He just wasnt sure how to go about getting that information without just bluntly asking for it. Hed never been particularly good at manipulating conversations to gently massage the information he wanted out of other people. All of a sudden, a stupid argument about what music to play sounded nice. Instead, the group moved down in awkward C so very awkward C silence. Like most uncomfortable situations, though, it didnt last forever. It just felt like it lasted forever. Eventually, Terry remembered that he was the new guy in the group. It was on him to, however clumsily, get the ball rolling. He eyed the other three and tried to think of an inoffensive question he could ask. When he realized that he had no way to gauge what would be offensive, he looked for any question he could ask that wouldnt result in an immediate return question he wouldnt want to answer. It was a shockingly small number. He had a lot of secrets that he wasnt in a hurry to divulge before getting a better sense of these people. How long have you all been adventurers? he finally asked. How long has the sun been burning? asked Haresh, only sounding like he was half joking. Terry glanced up at the sky like he was taking the quip seriously. At least a week? he asked. Humor wasnt Terrys strong hand, but it seemed to land well enough. Jaban snorted. Ekori, well, she kind of smiled. Haresh let out an amused little grunt. Yeah. Its definitely been at least a week, said Haresh before he got a thoughtful look. I guess Ive been adventuring for Gods, its got to be close to fifty years now. Terry tried not to gape at the man. The guy looked like he was, maybe, in his forties. Admittedly, he was grizzled in a way that suggested some of those been hard years. But even assuming Haresh had been adventuring professionally since he was twenty, it would put the man in his seventies. Hed heard of people being well-preserved but this seemed extreme. Apparently, that whole gimmick about people aging differently in these isekai worlds was a real thing. Of course, Haresh couldnt end it there. Oh no. Why stop there when he could upend Terrys expectations even more? I should have listened to my father. He told me that adventuring was the kind of thing you take as a first profession. Thats something you get out of your system young, he told me. I was a merchant for a long time before all of this, but I wanted to go out and do brave things. Turns out, you dont have to be young to be stupid. How about you? The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. Terry tried to gather his thoughts, but he was too disoriented by Hareshs apparent age to come up with anything too complicated. The man wasnt in his seventies. He was in his eighties or nineties or maybe he was more than a hundred years old. Terry just said the first thing that came to mind. Its definitely been a week, said Terry. That actually generated a few laughs from the other three, which he had hadnt expected but was happy enough to take as a win. Haresh hiked a thumb at Jaban and Ekori. These two are as fresh as newly fallen snow when it comes to adventuring. Barely five years between them, said Haresh, ignoring the weak sounds of protests the younger adventurers made. Their mother convinced me to take them on. Youll have to get the rest out of them yourself if you want the whole story. Terry looked at the pair, but they wore identical, opaque expressions that told him they werent planning on adding to that story. Well, I guess I wont push that. They clearly dont want to discuss it. Theyre probably rich and decided to slum it as adventurers for a while, or something like that. He wasnt sure why he thought that about them, it just felt right. It was something in the way they carried themselves. Something he could sense but not necessarily put his finger on. Where are you from? asked Ekori. He glanced at her and went with his usual line. North, he said. Oh, where in the north? she followed up. Well, shit, I guess I should have expected that question, thought Terry. He tried to think of the best way to answer that question without answering it and decided to go with something that was at least half true if profoundly incomplete. It isnt there anymore, he said. I cant go back. That drew a sympathetic look from Ekori, while Jaban grimaced a little, and Haresh just gave a knowing nod. Theyd drawn the wrong conclusion hed led them to. It was still true as far as he knew. The way to his own world wasnt there anymore, and he doubted he could go back. The loss was real enough that he didnt have to fake the pain in his voice or on his face. His world might as well have been destroyed in a war for how out of reach it was for him at the moment. That dark cloud hung over them all for a moment before Jaban swooped in like a certain cowled vigilante to save the day. Why did you become an adventurer? he asked. Terry smirked and said, The purest and truest reason in the world. Which is? asked the young man. Money, said Terry. I needed money. Well, to be more precise, I needed food, and everyone seems to want money for that. Greedy bastards. Terry made sure to smile while he said it. He didnt begrudge farmers for wanting to get paid for their efforts. He knew he didnt have the patience to grow and harvest food. He also didnt have the knowledge. Everything he knew about agriculture, horticulture, soil composition, and irrigation could fit onto a small index card with room to spare. He knew even less about raising animals. Still, the comment worked, and the last lingering discomfort passed. It seemed that Terry had been talking Hareshs language because the man pointed at him. You see, children. That is how most people end up becoming adventurers. Its a job. If you have the skills for it, you can feed yourself. Never underestimate the motivational power of hunger. Sure, if youre a rank four or five, agreed Jaban, but hes a rank three. You always said thats when people are starting to get serious about it. Well, said Haresh with a philosophical air about him, theres eating, and then theres eating well. I also enjoy luxuries like shelter and a hot bath from time to time, added Terry. Ha! barked Haresh. Shelter! You must be doing well for yourself if youre splurging on shelter. Hot baths, though? Decadence, I tell you. Pure decadence. Its true, said Terry. Its true. My moral decay is legendary. Terry could see a bit of the merchant coming out in Haresh. The easy banter had let Terry relax enough that he stopped hyper-analyzing everything he said. It was nice, but it was also something hed have to keep an eye on. He was a little surprised that Ekori and Jaban hadnt joined in, though. He wasnt sure if they were warier or just took longer to warm up to people. It wasnt until later that it occurred to him that they might have decided he was more like Haresh than like them. He found it a little amusing to imagine that they thought of him as some far more experienced adventurer that they needed to be respectful around. Oh man, if they only knew. Chapter 37 – What? It’s Not That Big Terry was happy to discover that once the talking had started, it generally flowed pretty naturally without a lot of input from him. Not that the other three talked that much about things he specifically cared about, but he picked up little tidbits like what inns were generally safe, and which places were hostile to adventurers. He hadnt considered the possibility before so he took a chance and asked a question. What do you mean they hate adventurers in Timran? Ive never been there. At least, I dont recall ever being there. Haresh gave him a surprised look and said, Im surprised you managed to avoid it. Its one of the bigger cities on the way to the north. You almost would have had to pass through it. Terry thought of the city hed fled from as soon as he arrived. The people there had been polite, generally, but he hadnt been announcing himself as an adventurer. Hed also been trying to leave. He also thought that wasnt something he let pass unaddressed. It would be too suspicious. Again, hed let truth, or something like it, do his lying for him. Oh, I think I may have been there. I had a lot of things on my mind at the time. I also didnt stay. I just passed through. Haresh gave him a searching look followed by a sympathetic look. Its not really deception, Terry assured himself. Its misdirection. Thats all. Like a magic trick. No need for me to feel like a guilty asshole. However, he did feel guilty, and he did feel like an asshole. He was a long way from trusting these people, but they were the first people hed met that he could imagine actually spending more than a few hours with by choice. He liked Haresh. The other two were, well, it wasnt exactly that there was something off about them. It was more like they were being really reserved around him, which he couldnt rightly fault them for. It wasnt like he was being a beacon of sincerity and open truthfulness. He suspected he came off as more than a bit secretive because he was actually being more than a bit secretive, and he wasnt good at hiding his feelings. He found himself idly wondering if that was something he would have learned from his father if the jackass had ever been around. It was one of those things that he''d heard women complaining about. That the men in their lives were all repressed and difficult to read. I could really use that skill right now. He mentally stopped for a second to pick at that thought. God, what a fucked-up thing to wish Id learned. Not that he thought he was wrong that it would be useful, but it still seemed like a twisted sort of skill. Either way, he wanted to dig a little more into what theyd been talking about. I havent run into too much hostility toward adventurers. I mean, aside from all the monsters. They didnt seem to like me. Is that really a problem? It depends, said Ekori. In some places, adventurers are considered little more than pretend cultivators. Theres more of that in the north where cultivators are so common. They may not have bothered you because you were from there. He caught her giving him a long look that made him very uncomfortable. It was like she expected him to confirm something for her. He didnt know what. Maybe the cultivator thing? Was he a cultivator? He didnt know. Of course, youre a cultivator, said other-Terry. Hearing other-Terry after his extended silence was so unexpected that regular-Terry nearly missed a step. What do you mean that Im a cultivator? It seemed like a reasonable piece of knowledge to demand. Gods above, muttered other-Terry. Were you actually dropped on your head as a child? How could you have not pieced that together yet? Where did you think all of that strength and those childrens tricks youve been doing came from? The tone was so caustic that Terry worried the words might acid etch the inside of his mind. Hey, said regular-Terry. You could have told me that at any point. So, stop acting all pissy that I didnt immediately recognize the visceral feel of a magical system Id only ever seen in fiction. You douche. Other-Terry went silent for what felt like a long time in mental conversation land. Eventually, or around a second later, other-Terry finally piped up again. Fine, you might have a minor, valid point, but you also could have asked anytime along the way. It was regular-Terrys turn to go silent in the mental conversation. He couldnt deny it. He didnt want to go so far as to say hed been playing ostrich about it, but hed kept putting it off. There was still a part of him that didnt want to know. Once he knew, it felt like the last ties to the sanity of his old life would snap. Ignorance might not be bliss, but it had been a certain sort of self-destructive comfort. Relying on that strength to get by while not knowing anything about it had let a little piece of him hide in a corner and pretend that the unreality of it all meant none of it was happening. He recognized that cowardice of that, but he thought it was probably a forgivable cowardice. Well, I guess I cant deny that, regular-Terry conceded. I suppose well have to have some chats about the whole cultivator thing. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. He could almost feel other-Terry roll his eyes. Assuming that other-Terry had eyes. That almost sent regular-Terry down a rabbit trail of existential questions about the nature of personalities that seemed to exist only in his head. He also recognized that he might well be suffering from some horrible mental breakdown, but the evidence seemed against it. Yeah, said other-Terry, just one or two short conversations will probably be plenty to explain cultivation to you. In the meantime, pay attention to the other people. Terry refocused on Ekori. He hadnt been spaced out for too long, but it probably had been long enough to make the moment uncomfortable. He didnt even really remember what shed been asking about. It finally drifted up from wherever his brain stored recent memories. I expect youre right. Its probably because Im from there, he said. He was pretty sure hed dodged the implicit question she wanted answered, but he didnt know enough about the divide between cultivators and everyone else to be ready to fess up to that. Ekori narrowed her eyes a little at him but didnt pursue the subject. In other places, she continued, adventurers are considered heroes. In my Our nation, said Jaban, giving her a significant look. Yes. Yes, of course. In our nation, adventurers are valued highly for the services they render to the people. After all, if they didnt hunt and kill monsters, it would fall to citizens and armies to do it. So, your reception will vary depending on where you go. I see, said Terry. It all sounded really complicated to him, but hed have to figure it out. Tiny delusional part of him aside, he was stuck here. That made information about how places would treat him invaluable. Since they were feeling chatty, he decided to see if he could pry out some more information about the guild itself. And how has your reception been at the Guild Halls? Haresh and the others traded knowing looks before Haresh took the lead again. Variable. On the whole, he hedged, weve gotten more or less fair treatment at the halls. There are exceptions, though. The bigger halls in cities tend to be fairer, but theyre also a lot stricter. They wont let anyone take a contract if they dont meet the rank requirements. No matter what. Things tend to be a bit more flexible in halls away from the cities. If youre very brave, very capable, or very stupid, you can sometimes get contracts that are a rank higher, but weve found it more likely that the guild representatives there are pursuing their own interests. Terry nodded. He supposed it made sense. Bigger halls would have more people, which would mean more oversight. It wasnt a cure-all for corruption by any stretch of the imagination, but it must make a difference. He expected that getting sent to halls away from the cities was either a reward for favorites where they could line their pockets or a punishment that dead-ended careers. If it was the latter, why not cheat the adventurers who came in? It wasnt a bastion of goodness, but no organization ever was. Hed just have to learn where to go and where not to go if he kept adventuring. He didnt see it as a good long-term strategy. Too much opportunity to draw attention to himself. But he did need to eat. Hed just have to deal with those problems as they came. So, people are people. I guess thats not really a surprise. Haresh looked like he meant to say something else, but the man froze with his eyes fixed ahead of them. Terry almost looked, but Drumstick let out a squawk-roar of terror from the back of the group where the chicken-lizard had been keeping quietly out of everyones line of sight. Terry looked back at Drumstick, who was backing away, and finally looked forward. He saw that Haresh had drawn his massive sword. Jaban had his bow in hand. Ekori had summoned her spear, which left Terry with another flash of envy. I want one of those rings. He finally looked ahead. There was some kind of monster in the road. It bore some resemblance to a minotaur, save that its head wasnt a bull. It looked familiar. Terry just couldnt place it until its jaw opened and let out a huge bleating noise. Oh, its a goat Goat man? Man-goat thing? Terry was sure that hed never heard a name for such a creature, so hed called it the man-goat thing. He looked at this shoulder to see Dusk give the creature a disdainful look before she yawned. He couldnt be sure if it was just the cat in her being a cat, or if she really wasnt impressed with it. Either way, he needed to put her down. No point in bringing her within hitting range of that thing. He took a few moments to grab her, take off his pack, and set her on the pack. He scratched between her ears. You take care of the pack, he told her. What are you doing? demanded Ekori with more than a bit of anger in her voice. He spared her a glance. She looked She wasnt quite afraid, but she did look very nervous. He didnt know why. This thing was nothing compared to the foliasaur. He was tempted to let them kill it just to see what they could do, but even Haresh looked tense. He hadnt actually asked any of them what their adventurer ranks were. He realized now that he should have. For all he knew, this thing would be more than they could handle. Terry weighed the pros and cons of not participating, but he didnt know how close civilization was. If he got hurt, hed probably heal. If they got hurt, he couldnt do much for them. He didnt like the idea of carrying one of them to the nearest town, especially if it was the one hed just left. I guess Ill have to deal with it. He started walking toward the man-goat thing. What are you doing? shouted Ekori. That time the question wasnt angry, but fearful. He looked over his shoulder at the stunned adventurers. What? Its not that big, he said. Chapter 38 – Doom Slap Terry tried to decide on a strategy as he closed the distance with the man-goat thing. He didnt have a good sense of how intelligent it was, but it hadnt immediately charged at them. That didnt necessarily make it smart. There were four of them. Five of them if you counted Drumstick, which Terry didnt. The man-goat thing might have just been following a basic instinct not to attack multiple opponents. On the other hand, it might have decided to wait and see what they all did. That made Terry a little more cautious than he might have been if it just attacked with towering savagery the way most of the monsters hed encountered seemed prone to do. Knowing my luck, this one is the da Vinci of man-goat things. Terry hesitated a little as his imagination decided to provide him with a vaguely disconcerting image of a Vitruvian man-goat. Not helpful, Terry told himself. For all his caution, Terry wasnt particularly worried about this particular monster. He wasnt getting that threatening feeling hed gotten in the past. There was no hovering sense of immediate, mortal danger. Maybe the creature was dangerous, but it wasnt excessively dangerous. He wasnt ready to assume that hed slap it down like a bully on the playground, but he wouldnt be entirely surprised if that happened either. When he was starting to wonder if the damn thing had been paralyzed by shock, a shiver ran through the things bulk. It hunkered down a bit like the worlds most grotesque linebacker, aimed its horns in his general direction, and charged at him. Its really going to try to ram me? Well, okay. Terry almost reached for his sword and then changed his mind. He concentrated and encouraged that core hed felt to give him some strength. There was a moment of hesitancy like it didnt quite know what to do, and then warmth surged through him. He eyed the charging monster, and it felt like the world came into sharper focus. He could see the weird, square pupils in its eyes. He heard its disturbingly human feet slapping against the stone of the road. The odd huffing noise of its breathing reached his ears. He no longer needed to think about the right timing for what he was about to do. He just knew. As the creature drew within striking distance, Terry did what seemed most appropriate. He slapped the big dumb monster across its stupid goat face. There was a crack like a gunshot followed almost immediately after by the crack of the man-goat things neck shattering. All of its forward momentum was redirected as the limp form was hurled into a nearby tree. For a brief moment, it looked like the impact might bring the tree down, but all the trees around them were old, towering things that grasped for the sky. Their roots had run deep. Terry looked from where the thing had landed back to his own hand. Well, shit. That was anticlimactic, he muttered. At least, it was easy. He walked over to the dead monster, drawing his jian as he went. He could hear Drumsticks thunderous footfalls as the chicken-lizard raced up to get fed. Terry split open the man-goat things chest and dug around briefly until he came up with its core. He felt at it and was happy to discover he could absorb it. He focused. The core seemed to almost unravel in his hand as his body greedily soaked up its stored power. He glanced at Drumstick, who was almost hopping from one giant lizard foot to the other. Yeah. Yeah, said Terry. Just give me a second. He neatly severed the creatures head. He grabbed one of the horns, lifted the head, and backed off. There. Enjoy your meal. Terry turned away as Drumstick pounced on the remains. Hed seen the chicken-lizard eat things before and didnt feel any need to observe the act again. He made his way back to the other three adventurers. He gave them a bit of a wide berth because they were giving him very odd looks. Jabans bow was hanging limply from one hand and on the verge of slipping from his grasp. Hareshs face was blank but his eyes were fixed on the place in the road where Terry had delivered his little love tap. Ekoris wide, unblinking eyes were following his every step. It was actually kind of creepy. He smiled at Dusk, who had ignored it all. Shed found a small stick and was savaging it. Terry opened his pack and started pushing things around. The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. What are you doing? asked Ekori. Man, is that girl stuck on a loop or something? Im looking for my head sack. Your Your head sack? You know how the guild is. They want proof. Heads are good proof, but you have to keep them somewhere. Hence, the head sack. Ah ha! Terry pulled his trusty head sack out of the pack and dropped the monsters head into it. He hoped the guild wouldnt think he was trying to pass off a regular goat head for a monster head. That would be inconvenient. Although, he supposed they must have a way of telling one from the other. Once he had the head taken care of, he pulled out a water skin and washed his bloody hand. He was mostly convinced he couldnt catch anything like viruses or whatever, but he didnt see an upside in taking chances. At you just going let the cockatrice eat that thing? asked Jaban. Terry finished drying his hand and looked over at the young man. Jaban looked like he might be violently sick at any moment. Well, thats what he gets for watching Drumstick eat. It needs to eat something, said Terry, shrugging his indifference over the matter. But that will make it stronger, objected Ekori. Which might matter if it ever actually attacked anything, he said. Haresh jerked and seemed to snap out of his daze. His gaze swiveled to where Terry was scooping Dusk off the ground. He opened his mouth, hesitated, and then pressed forward. Youre no rank three, he finally said. There was an edge of accusation in his voice as though Terry had told them all some terrible, unforgivable lie. Terry lifted an eyebrow at him. I assure you that I most certainly am a rank three, offered Terry. The guild is quite certain of it. Haresh frowned at those words like they didnt make any sense. Terry pet the purring kitten in his hand. You killed that thing with one Jaban seemed to struggle to find the right word. Slap, provided Terry. You slapped it?! shouted an incredulous Haresh. I slapped it hard, answered Terry defensively. Haresh closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. It looked like he needed to steady his nerves. Ekori was giving him more of that unblinking stare. He got the distinct impression that she was examining him the way she might some very exotic, hitherto unseen animal. It left him with a deeply uncomfortable feeling that Terry wished to never repeat in the future. The bow finally slipped out of Jabans hand. The young man didnt even seem to notice. You dropped your bow, said Terry. It took a few seconds before Jaban woodenly looked down. He reached down with jerky motions and picked it up. He stared at the bow like hed never seen it before. The young man shook his head a little and hung the bow over his shoulder. Terry decided that it was an excellent time to be doing something. So, he took a couple of minutes to juggle Dusk, his pack, and his head sack between his hands. He finally got the pack situation. The kitten took up station on his shoulder. Terry considered the head sack for a moment. He had killed the plant monster the other three were going after. He hadnt set out to do it, but he had done it. He tossed the sack to Haresh. The man caught the sack, although it looked mostly like a reflex. He gave Terry a quizzical look. Im pretty sure I killed that plant monster you three were after. It only seems fair that you get something in return. But I want my head sack back after you collect the reward. Head sack? asked Haresh. Ask her, said Terry with a gesture toward Ekori. I already explained this once. Come on. Plenty of daylight left. Terry started walking down the road before he stopped next to Drumstick, who was still pecking at the body. Dont take too long, or youll get left behind. The chicken-lizard straightened up in fright, a leg hanging out of its beak. Terry shook his head and resumed walking. Chapter 39 – Fine for Other People How can you only be rank three? Ekori almost, but not quite, demanded. Terry looked across the campfire at her. While Jaban and Haresh didnt chime in, he could see them both looking at him intently and clearly interested in hearing the answer. Terry did a mental facepalm. I should have let them fight the man-goat thing. Hed had a bit of time to think about what hed done earlier that day during the many hours of silent walking before hed declared it was time to make camp. Hed actually walked until it was getting dark just to see if one of them would suggest stopping. None of them had seemed to have the nerve to speak up, which was definitely not what hed been going for. Hed eventually realized the noob mistake hed made. He hadnt gotten a clear sense of what was normal. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thought that maybe he was a little on the stronger side. Of course, he hadnt really had anything to compare himself to except monsters, and they werent the most talkative bunch. With them, it was nothing but roaring and snarling and nature that was all red in tooth and claw. Or maybe supernature if that was even a thing. He wasnt sure. For all practical purposes, though, they hadnt been particularly interested in civilized discourse. When he had come up against people, hed just fought to win. His life had been on the line after all. Their losses seemed to have more to do with their own weakness than any overwhelming strength on his part. Hed just assumed that hed gotten lucky and that people outside of the big cities were just sort of on the weak side. But I never actually tested it. I assumed. Like a jackass. Now, those particular chickens were coming home to roost and crap all over him. Then again, maybe it was more like pigeons in a parking lot full of shiny, freshly-waxed cars. Hed just wanted to deal with the impediment in the road, and now he had these three witnesses who were going to keep asking awkward questions. He could just leave. Dusk didnt care when or where he slept. Drumstick probably wouldnt like traveling at night, but the damned chicken-lizard was more risk-averse than an actuary who just survived a plane crash. Of course, leaving meant he couldnt pump the only semi-sane people hed met for more information. God damn it. Im going to have to tell these people something. Because thats what I told the guild to make me, he finally said having grown weary of the mental debate. That answer just led to more questions. You told the guild to make you that? What does that mean? asked Haresh. It means that I like being a rank three. Its nice and innocuous. I dont understand, said Jaban. Do you mean you could be rank two? Terry shrugged and said, Yeah, they said something about making me that. I wouldnt let them. Why? demanded Ekori, Jaban, and Haresh in unison. Because this whole trembling fangirl thing that you three are doing right now is creepy, and I get the feeling that this would be every day if I let them make me rank two. People would expect me to train them, or come save their rutabaga harvest from mutant bunnies, or a bunch of other things I dont want to do. Nobody expects a rank three to be a hero, though, do they? The three adventurers just looked at him in silence for a little while before Hareshs expression turned into a confused frown. Fangirl? asked Haresh. Bunny? asked Jaban. Rutabaga? asked Ekori. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Terry sat up a little straighter. Wait, he said. You seriously dont have rutabagas here? Root veggie that looks like an oversized turnip and kind of tastes like carrots? Haresh and the others traded baffled looks. No, said Jaban. I dont think Ive ever seen anything like that before. Wow, this really is like some kind of hell, grumbled Terry. No rutabagas. No storage rings. What a damn rip-off. But why wouldnt you want to be a hero? asked Jaban. Have you ever met a hero? countered Terry. Well, no, I guess not. Why? Terry looked pointedly at Haresh who had a look of understanding on his face. The older man turned to Jaban. Hes saying that you havent met them because theyre all dead. Exactly, added Terry. I mean, I suppose some of them must survive, but I dont like the odds of being one of those survivors. But what about honor? asked Jaban while wearing an incongruously wounded expression. Honor? What the hell does honor have to do with anything? That was a topic about which Terry could honestly say that hed never given a moment of thought. It wasnt a word that cropped up all that often in his old world. It was a movie word or something that young masters ranted about in certain types of cultivation novels. It wasnt something that hed ever needed to worry about, so he hadnt. I dont understand the question, said Terry. Dont you feel honor-bound to defend the innocent? To protect people? Terry blinked at the earnest young man for a second, considered his answer, and offered a cheerful, Nope. But But How you can spluttered Jaban before he was cut off by Ekori bursting into laughter. Jaban shot his sister an angry look, while Hareshs gaze wandered between everyone. Not that Ekori saw any of that. She was laughing so hard she had her eyes squeezed shut and her arms wrapped around her stomach. Terry wasnt sure why she was laughing, but at least she wasnt giving him that super-creepy, unblinking stare anymore. The young woman eventually got her laughter under control enough to reach up and wipe at her eyes. She saw her brother glowering at her and almost seemed to lose control again but managed to catch herself. Youll have to forgive my brother, said Ekori. Hes rather obsessed with the idea of becoming an honorable hero. Im not obsessed, said Jaban, his expression turning into something that Terry thought would look more appropriate on the face of a pouty six-year-old boy. Ekori carried on like he hadnt said anything. Thats all he talked about for years. Honor this and hero that. Its not entirely his fault, though. The men in our country all suffer from that malady of the mind to one degree or another. I must say that its refreshing to meet someone who isnt trying to think of some way to become famous. Terry was a little bemused at the exchange. He offered Ekori a shrug. Dont get me wrong. Being a hero and being honor-bound are fine things, he said before contemplating the idea for a moment or two. Well, theyre fine for other people, at any rate. Just not something that Im interested in. So, youre a coward, snapped Jaban. Ekoris bright smile vanished. Haresh put a restraining hand on the young mans arm while shooting a worried look at Terry. Terry lifted an eyebrow at Jaban. Hed read this encounter in lots of books. He knew he was supposed to shoot to his feet with fury in his eyes and defend his sullied name. Then, the righteous young man would goad him into taking on some test to prove the size of his honor boner. Fat chance of that happening. If I wanted to deal with that crap, Id have joined a frat in college. Sure, said Terry. Why not? I can be a coward. Haresh and Ekori both looked a little surprised at his complete indifference to the insult. Jaban looked dumbfounded. What? demanded the wannabe hero. Did you expect me to care what you think of me? Seriously? I met you like five minutes ago. But I tell you what. If you want to go do something brave, I promise to be impressed. There was a beat where nothing at all happened, and then Haresh started laughing. Why are you laughing? asked Jaban. Because its funny, and he has a point. If youre going to pull that prove your honor thing on someone, you should probably make sure your opinion matters to them, said a smiling Haresh before the man grew more serious. You also shouldnt insult a man who can almost certainly kill you. Jabans eyes went wide. Terry assumed the guy was getting hit with the realization that he had overstepped rather badly with someone he didnt really know. Someone who had one shot a man-goat thing that had the other three very nervous. Jaban looked like he didnt know what to do until his sister leaned in and, in a stage whisper that was clearly meant to carry, offered a nugget of wisdom. This is the part where you apologize. Chapter 40 – Have a Sandwich Terry discovered that taking a road trip on foot with other people was irritating in different ways than doing one in a car. There were no radios, streaming music services, or even MP3 devices, so no one was arguing about music. However, Terry might have welcomed that argument if it meant he could hear music again. He really missed music. It hadnt crossed his mind a lot since he first arrived. There had been all that fear of death, fighting monsters, and trying to navigate a society he didnt understand at first. Those had been very potent distractions. There had been lulls in all of that, though. It was during those lulls that he had found the time to miss things like music, air conditioning, and other little quality-of-life-improving things. Music had hit him the hardest, though. Hed had a rather extensive collection of digitized albums on the overpowered desktop PC hed used as the brain for his partially automated apartment. Hed literally just needed to talk in any room to summon the music he wanted to hear. All of those albums were gone now. Even if he did, somehow, some way, find a method to store music again, hed be limited to whatever passed for music on this world. Given that they probably didnt have electric guitars in this terrible place, he felt confident that there would be no hard rock, grunge, or any of their more recent offshoots. While his world had produced plenty of music that no one should ever listen to, never being able to listen to Alter Bridge again just felt like an unnecessary twist of the cruelty knife to him. Despite bypassing all arguments about what to listen to, there were plenty of other things to annoy him about traveling with others. He was used to setting his own pace. When traveling by himself, hed aimed for what he felt was a sustainable pace. Sustainable being a pace that he could maintain for a full day. It turned out that his idea of sustainable and the other adventurers idea of sustainable were very different things. He was forced to keep slowing down to about half the speed he wanted to be walking or the other three started looking like they werent doing so well after the first few hours. It was irritating. He hadnt thought that food was going to be an issue, but it turned out that it was. Hed been keeping his meals simple. There was only so much food he could carry at any given time, so he carried essentials. Spices had not been high on his list of priorities. It turned out that what he considered average fare did not meet the approval of the others. They werent vocal about it, but they didnt need to be. It turned out that Ekori and Jaban preferred much, much spicier fare than Terry would normally make. Haresh seemed to like that kind of food as well, although hed seemed fine with what Terry made as well. All of that would have been fine, but then they got all weird about eating monsters that Terry killed. You cant eat that! said Ekori about three days into their journey. Terry had gone out and found a bird that sort of reminded him of an ostrich. It was about seven feet tall and had the long neck and legs he associated with ostriches. That fact that it spit fire and had a razor-sharp beak that looked to be made out of metal ruined the resemblance, but those things were small potatoes to him these days. Why not? asked Terry as he positioned an enormous wing over the fire on a makeshift spit. Its a vile beast, she proclaimed, as though she was uttering profound truths. He gave her a flat look and said, Its a bird. Its made of meat. Im not just leaving it out to rot when I can eat some of it. Especially after I went out and specifically killed it to be eaten. Terry knew next to nothing about cleaning animals properly, so he was pretty cautious about which parts hed eat. There was always the chance of the meat getting contaminated by something inside. With a giant bird, though, a wing was almost certainly a safe bet. Hed left the rest of it for Drumstick after discovering he couldnt use the core. He hadnt been entirely certain the big chicken-lizard would eat the leftovers, but Drumstick had pounced on the creature. It did make him think that Drumstick was more lizard than chicken. Ekori lifted her chin and stared down her nose at him. It was an incredibly haughty gesture that he felt was way out of proportion to what was happening. I wont eat it, she said. If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Okay, said Terry, long since feeling done with that particular conversation. Dont eat it. As my mother was fond of saying, if you dont like what Im cooking, have a sandwich. He glanced over at Haresh and Jaban. The same thing goes for you two, he added. From the look on his face, Jaban felt exactly the same way that Ekori did. Haresh simply lifted his hands in a placating motion. My mother used to say something very similar, offered the older adventurer. Some people have particular views on eating the monsters. I do not share those opinions. Good, said Terry. I dont know why people would give up such an easy way to get stronger. Ekori and Jaban both straightened up like someone had hit them with a cattle prod. What do you mean about getting stronger? asked Jaban. The young man had been very quiet for the last few days after calling Terry a coward. It seemed like a tactic to avoid having Terry pay too much attention to him, but in a group that small, it was a pointless exercise. There was no way to avoid paying attention to everyone with him. Terry pointed at the frankly absurd wing that was sitting over the fire. It hadnt even started to sizzle yet, which told him they all had a while to go before it was going to be ready to eat. That sucks, thought Terry. Im actually hungry. I wonder if I have anything easy to eat left in my pack. He shook off that thought and focused on Jaban again. These are beasts, sure, but theyre magical beasts. They have power coursing through every part of them. You eat the beast, and you get a piece of that power. And even if you dont, its fresh meat. Fresh meat is always better than dried meat. Ekori narrowed her eyes at Terry like she thought he was trying to pull a fast one on her. She turned to Haresh. Is that true? Yes. Fresh meat is always better than dried meat, Haresh answered. It was the most perfect deadpan that Terry had ever seen. He felt an urge to applaud the performance, but better sense ultimately prevailed. He doubted that Ekori would be amused. It was one thing to have her teacher poke fun at her. If Terry got in on the action, it would probably come across as mocking whether he meant it to or not. While he didnt much care what they thought of him, he didnt want to aggressively alienate any of them. It became a challenge to hold a straight face when it looked like Ekori might actually stamp her foot in frustration. You know that isnt what I meant, she said. Is what he said about getting stronger by eating monsters true? Haresh visibly hesitated at that. Terry wondered if hed overstated the benefits. He didnt think he had. He was quite sure that eating those monsters had made him stronger. It wasnt like what he got from absorbing beast cores, but it had been noticeable. Haresh finally made a decision. He held up a hand and waggled it back and forth in a so-so gesture. It does seem to work that way for some people, he admitted. Others report that it doesnt make a difference for them. I havent ever noticed a difference, but I''ve only eaten monsters a handful of times. That answer left both Jaban and Ekori with consternated expressions. They both spent the next hour or two surreptitiously eyeing the enormous wing. Terry found the entire thing fascinating. He wondered whether they would chuck their beliefs and eat some of it or stand firm. Ekori came to a decision first, summoning some food from her storage ring and eating it. Terry did notice her gaze drift back to the cooking bird meat more than once. Jaban took substantially longer to make his choice. It wasnt until Terry was cutting pieces off the wing that the young man resigned himself to not eating any and asked his sister for something. Oh well, more for me. Haresh was perfectly happy to cut a piece off for himself. The meat was a bit gamier than Terry liked, but the flavor wasnt bad. As hed noticed the other times hed eaten monsters he killed, he could feel something settling into his muscles and bones. It was subtler than the rush of power he got from cores, but it felt like his body solidified a bit more. He almost wished hed been paying more attention. He could have run an experiment. Maybe even figured out which beasts offered the most benefits when you ate them. At this point, though, he was starting to think that there had to be limits to the benefits. Hed eaten these kinds almost nonstop when hed been in that forest. He was probably going to hit whatever that limit was before too long. Not that it would stop him from eating the stupid monsters that looked edible. If he was going to have put in the effort to kill them, he might as well get something for his trouble. Despite his earlier intentions, though, he couldnt help but poke the bear a little. Man, this is really good, said Terry around a mouthful of monster bird. Haresh gave him a knowing grin and added, Very tender. And juicy. Bit more pepper next time, do you think? asked Haresh. Hmmm, maybe so. It could probably use a little extra kick. Terry could feel the glares from the other side of the fire without even looking. You two are not funny, said Ekori through clenched teeth. What? asked Terry as he projected all of the guileless innocence he could muster. It could use more pepper. Chapter 41 – Teaching Moment Should we intervene? asked Terry. Not yet, said Haresh. You sure? It doesnt seem like theyre doing well. Haresh nodded in a sagely, teacherly way, even as a muted cry of pain wafted their way. This is how adventures Haresh paused to give Terry a sidelong glance. Its how most adventurers learn. Terry shrugged and turned his attention back to the fight that was happening just down the road. Its no skin off my ass. And he might have a point. Pain is instructive. Even so, Terry did feel a little sympathy for the siblings who were squaring off against some kind of boar monster. It had hooves and tusks that looked to be made from very blue and, based on the cuts Ekori and Jaban were sporting, very sharp ice. Every once in a while, its tongue would shoot out like a frogs. The very tip of the tongue was equally blue and looked to have barbs that would rend flesh. Ekori was distracting the beast with hit-and-run slashes of her spear, while Jaban fired what looked like arrows made from fire. Those arrows did hurt the boar but didnt seem to do any serious or lasting damage. As far as Terry could tell, all those arrows really accomplished was driving the beast into a greater and greater rage state. Shoot it in the eye! shouted Terry. Haresh gave him a disapproving look. That wasnt real help, said Terry. Just a bit of casual guidance. After all, he still has to actually do it. Haresh snorted and said, I suppose thats true. Im not sure he has the skill for that. Ill take your word for it. I dont use bows. I just know that shooting its body isnt getting him anywhere. He could do that all day, and it still wouldnt die. How would you kill it? asked Haresh. Depends. If I could lame it, Id probably start there. Its always good if you can slow your enemy down. I might try to injure that tongue if the opportunity presented itself. In the end, I expect that Id cut off its head. Or maybe stab it in the eye. You? Im stronger than they are. So, Id probably try to inflict a few deep wounds and let it bleed for a while. Same end result as laming it. Slow it down until I could pierce its body or sever the head. They dont work very well together, do they? asked Terry as he watched the boar charge at Jaban. The young man managed to dodge the tusks, but the boar swung its massive head to one side. The young man stumbled to the side. Haresh sighed. No. No, they dont. Ekori should be dealing damage while Jaban provides distractions. At least, thats how Id have them handle this. Agreed. Its ego. Jaban wants to be the one to kill it, regardless of whether its the best course of action. Ekori wants her brother to succeed, so she holds back. Well, thats stupid. In a fight like that, where theyre outclassed, the only outcome that should matter is killing the damn thing. If they keep on like this, one of them is going to end up dead. Terry felt a bit of imposter syndrome settle over him, but he had killed a lot of monsters when hed been fleeing through that forest. Enough that hed worked out at least a few basic tactics. And it wasnt like it took a strategic genius to figure out that something wasnt working when the fight had dragged on for fifteen minutes. It would have been one thing if theyd been whittling it down, but the boar seemed just as energetic as it had at the beginning of the fight. The same couldnt be said of Ekori and Jaban. They were tiring, slowing down, and making mistakes. I wont let it go that far, said Haresh. Dead people dont learn much. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Terry had to check a laugh at that. He was a dead person, and he was learning all kinds of things. Still, he wasnt sure about his actual status. He wasnt dead now, but he was certain he had died. Did that still qualify him as part of the ranks of dead people? Am I undead? I dont think Im a zombie. I dont remember any zombie cultivators in all those books and manga series. Not even in those really weird anime movies and shows where anything seemed to go. He didnt think he was resurrected either since this body was different than the one hed had before. Now, theres a good question. Did I steal some poor bastards body when I came here? That seemed like a question he ought to have a good answer for but didnt. He certainly didnt like the idea that he was some sort of thief. The very thought that he was wearing someone elses body like some rich snob from a hundred years ago wearing a fur coat was enough to send shivers down his spine. Dammit. Theyre always so vague about how that part works. Terry chewed on that for a while before he decided that there wasnt much he could do about it. If he had displaced someone to get this body, their soul was long gone by now. Even if that soul was still hanging around like a Christmas fruit cake that nobody wants, it wasnt like he knew how to give the body back. He wasnt even sure that hed want to give it back. He felt bad if thats what had happened, but he was over his initial death wish. Giving the old college try at staying alive in Chinese Period Drama Hell seemed like a better bet than rolling the dice on the cosmos giving him another chance to live. With the way his luck had been going recently, his next death would be a real death that sent him straight to real hell. A place that he was quite certain would be run by priests who came straight from this worlds church. Theres probably a memo about me there right at the entrance complete with a picture. I bet the picture even has my hat in it, just so they can show it to me to rub salt in the wound. Something that he would consider both cruel and yet completely on-brand for hell. A much more serious cry of pain derailed that train of thought. Terry focused on what was in front of him. It seemed Ekori had tried to intervene to protect Jaban and paid a price for it. She tried to fend off the boar using her spear with one hand as she staggered away, her other hand pressed against her stomach. Terry could see the blood welling up around that hand. Jaban was firing arrows almost faster than the eye could track in an attempt to draw the beasts attention, but it had fixated on Ekori. Terry looked at Haresh. Now, we intervene, said the older man. Do you want to take it or should I? Ill do it. Just back me up if things get out of hand. Fair enough. Haresh dashed forward while swinging that massive sword of his free from his back. Terry moved along several paces behind. He didnt want to get in the way one of Hareshs swings came back around. He was not interested in finding out if he was durable enough to take a hit from something like that, mostly because he thought he wasnt. It didnt feel like something that warranted a field test to him. Plus, he didnt plan to act unless something went very, very wrong. As they closed in, the boar lunged at Ekori who lurched backward and fell. Haresh let out a battle cry that seemed to stun the beast for a moment. Then, the older adventurer swung his sword in a vicious arc that missed Ekoris head by mere inches. The great blade slammed into the boars tusks and brought the beast to a shuddering halt, even as Haresh slid back almost six inches. There was a pregnant beat as Haresh and the boar glared at each other, and then one of the tusks shattered like an icicle falling on concrete. The boar let out an agonized squeal while Terry rushed over, seized the back of Ekoris shirt, and dragged her clear of immediate danger. She let out a noise that sounded almost as agonized as the boars squeal, but Terry worried that trying to pick her up would have been even worse. Terry gave the young woman a concerned look. Blood was still flowing pretty freely between her fingers, and she was clearly clenching her teeth against the pain. Even so, she didnt look like she was going to die immediately. Until the threat was gone, she was going to have to manage. Terry closed with Haresh and the bore. The older adventurer was driving the beast back with careful thrusts and the occasional sweeping slash. Slashes that looked a lot faster than Terry thought a sword that size should move. I guess everyone has their tricks. He moved off to the side and drew his jian. He didnt plan to do much of anything. He just wanted to force the boar to divide its attention, and it worked. The great beast looked toward him for a second to long and a spray of blood flew from where the sword left a gaping wound. The boar let out another awful noise of pain, but Terry made like he meant to rush in by taking a few steps. The boar turned to stop him. That was the last mistake it ever made. Haresh let out another roar and drove his sword through the beast. It bucked a few times, but the fight was over. It just hadnt realized that it was dead quite yet. Haresh yanked the blade free. The boar took a few stumbling steps while bloody froth dripped from its mouth. Finally, it collapsed. Terry walked over to look at the beast before he cast a disgruntled look at Haresh. Did you have to stab it? Now we cant eat it. Always go for the head. Haresh gave him a disbelieving look and said, Is it really that important? Youve clearly never had bacon, or you wouldnt have asked me that. Chapter 42 – Healing Seeing as how he hadnt really done anything in the fight except provide a brief if important distraction, Terry let the other adventurers handle the boar corpse. Of course, that came after what passed for field medicine. Jaban was banged up, but Ekori was still bleeding a lot. It was enough that Terry worried that she wouldnt live long enough to get real help from a doctor or healer. That concern was almost immediately proven meaningless when Haresh gave the young woman a stern look. Drink a healing potion, he commanded. The young woman vehemently shook her head, not that Terry really noticed. He was still stuck back on the phrase healing potion. Why the fuck didnt anyone tell me about healing potions? If he had known that such a useful thing existed in this world, hed have moved heaven and earth to find a few for himself. He mentally raged about that for a little while before sanity crept in to ruin his self-pity party. Of course, no one told me about them because why would they? It only followed that everyone would already know about something like that in a world that possessed them. That doesnt explain why you never mentioned it, Terry directed at the spot in his head where he was pretty sure other-Terry was living. You never asked, said other-Terry in a sanctimonious tone. If Terry could have throat-punched other-Terry right that second, he would have. Before he could get too far down that particular rabbit hole, the outside world caught his attention again. Ekori was still trying to say no to the healing potion. That struck Terry as odd. If he was injured and had a way to heal up quick, hed take it. So, why was she so hellbent on bleeding to death? It seemed that Haresh had lost all patience. Enough! he snapped. Youre going to drink it even if I have to make you swallow it. Now, get on with it. With gestures that screamed reluctance, Ekori summoned a vial from her storage ring. Haresh took it from her hand and jerked out whatever was keeping the liquid sealed inside the vial. He pressed it to her lip and, with one final glare at him, she opened her mouth. He poured the liquid between her parted lips and watched until she swallowed it. Terry was getting more confused by the second. Hed never seen anyone work so hard to avoid doing something that was going to help them. That was when the screaming started. Ekoris entire body arched and the veins in her neck stuck out like she was trying to lift something impossibly heavy. Terry knew that the screaming didnt go on for an hour. It just seemed like it. He did see the deep wound in her stomach swiftly close up. A shudder seemed to pass through the woman and she dropped back to the ground, unconscious. What the holy fuck was that?! Terry was of two, very different minds about what hed just witnessed. There were healing potions in this world, which was a good thing. Rapid healing was a boon. Unfortunately, they did not work like the healing potions in video games and most novels. Those healing potions washed over a person and swept away injury, fatigue, or whatever other problem you had. These potions seemed specifically designed to kick you in the nervous system for having the gall to take one. Ekori had just endured something hideously painful, which was not a good thing. He understood now why she had been so very intent on not taking it. If that was the result, people would reserve them as life-saving measures only. He didnt know if healing potions would knock out everyone who took them, but it seemed likely for anyone who wasnt blessed with an absurd pain threshold or a certain masochistic streak. It was also damned hard to protect yourself when you were unconscious. Youd have to trust that the people around you had your best interests in mind, or at least that they werent actively hostile toward you. That kind of trust was in short supply for Terry. Although, he supposed that these Ekori, Jaban, and Haresh probably did have those kinds of relationships. Haresh checked Ekoris eyes and shook his head before standing up. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Shell be out for a while, said the older adventurer. Come here, Jaban. Let me take a look at your injuries. The young man trudged over to Haresh. Who can blame him? Id be trudging too if I thought that bullshit that just happened to Ekori was about to happen to me. Haresh gave the younger mans injuries a pretty thorough examination before deciding that a healing potion wasnt necessary. Jaban let out a long breath and sagged in relief. Terry just felt a stab of bitter disappointment about the whole thing. For a few seconds, he thought hed finally found something good in this experience. It just turned out to be another lousy, painful thing that hed have to endure if he ever talked himself into downing one of those potions. He knew some people from his world might think it was a small tradeoff for superhuman abilities. But he also knew that some of the people from his world ate roasted crickets and did it on purpose. That was a strong argument that peoples judgment should not be trusted. He looked at Ekori and realized that she was still just sprawled on the ground where shed been. He almost said something before it hit him that there really wasnt a better place to put her. They could keep an eye on her if she stayed where she was and come to her defense if it came down to it. Still, it looked uncomfortable. Terry dug around in his pack and pulled his blanket free. He folded it up and put it beneath the young womans head. He suspected it wouldn''t make a difference. She was out cold. Even so, shed wake up at some point. He doubted shed thank them if she had been sleeping with a rock under her head the entire time. Somehow, I just know it would end up being my fault. With Ekori as settled as she was going to get for the moment, Terry wandered over and watched with a little amusement as they added the boars head to head sack. He half expected it to tear because it was such a tight fit, but head sack held up remarkably well. After that, they cut the beast open, retrieved its core, and took one or two other parts that Terry assumed must be valuable. Once they were done, he quirked an eyebrow at them. Is that all you mean to take? he asked. I expect so, said Haresh. Why? Is there something else we should take? Oh, no. Nothing like that, said Terry, gesturing at the prancing form of Drumstick. If youre done, I was going to let that one eat the rest. Haresh and Jaban both gave Drumstick sidelong glances but didnt raise any objections. After they all put a little distance between themselves and the remains, Terry gestured at it. Drumstick lunged forward, and Terry didnt see anything after that because he wisely averted his eyes. Unfortunately, his ears still worked, and listening to the boar being eaten was only marginally better. Cant win them all, I guess. Haresh and Jaban were making noises like they thought they should make camp where they were, but Terry put the nix on that. No way. Every beast within smelling distance will know something died here. You can bet that some kind of awful scavenger will come crawling or slithering out of the forest once it gets dark. We should be elsewhere when that happens. What about Ekori? asked Jaban. What about her? How will we move her? We cant carry her the entire way, or we wont get more than a handful of miles before we have to stop. Terry waited for the punchline. He waited some more. It never came, which told him that Jaban meant it. He looked over at the young woman. She wouldnt be light. In fact, shed be nothing but dead weight. Given the relative feats of strength hed pulled off since he arrived, he suspected that carrying her would prove insignificant to him. He sighed and spoke. Fine. Ill carry her. But I kid you not, so help me, I will kill the first person who makes a joke about suitors or heroes or anything even remotely like that. Chapter 43 – Social Skills Carrying Ekori wasnt difficult, so much as it was tedious. Terry was used to having his arms free, and she was light enough that he kept forgetting about her. Then, hed go to point at something or grab something that looked interesting and find his arm encumbered by the unconscious person he was carrying. Eventually, he started to zone out. It was only when Haresh called out to him that he snapped out of the daze. What? asked Terry with a little shake of his head. We should stop and set up camp. I expect weve walked far enough. Terry looked around and figured that they could probably find a flat spot to pitch tents or whatever. He felt Ekori shift and looked down. She was staring up at him with a faint blush on her cheeks. His eyes narrowed. How long have you been awake? he demanded. At least an hour, supplied Jaban with the malicious helpfulness that only siblings can achieve. An hour, said Terry in a flat voice. Is that right? I started Ekori before letting out a shriek as Terry unceremoniously dropped her. She stared up at him from the ground with a mixed look of fury and incredulity. Terry stepped over her and pointed at a little clearing off the road. We should set up camp there. Its already clear, he announced. That wasnt necessary! shouted Ekori. Neither was letting me carry you after you woke up, answered Terry without looking back. Hed already removed Dusk from her perch on his shoulder and was shrugging out of his pack. The kitten looked around from the new vantage point of his hand. She apparently found the new view insufficiently interesting because she yawned. After doing a little circuit of the clearing and not finding anything too objectionable, Terry turned the kitten loose to explore. She did that for about three minutes before climbing onto his discarded pack and settling down into that odd, sphinx-like pose that every cat seems to know. She watched the work happening with an intense curiosity. Shed seen the same thing before, but Terry supposed it must hold more mysteries to unravel in this new place. He placidly ignored the annoyed looks that Ekori periodically shot his way, as well as the rather ostentatious way she rubbed her backside. Serves her right if her ass is sore. Letting me carry her when she was awake. He could understand letting it go on for a minute or two, but it wouldnt have been that hard to alert him once she realized he hadnt noticed her conscious state. Her voice clearly still worked just fine. Once she made the decision to let the situation continue, well, she got whatever she got. Next time, Ill just tie her to Drumsticks back. Well see how much she likes that. The thought brought such a big smile to his face that Haresh gave him a quizzical look. Whats got you so happy? the man asked. Oh, just a nice thought, said Terry before he turned a big, evil smile on Ekori. She took one look at that smile and retreated several hasty steps back. Dont smile at me like that, she said. It makes you look like you plan on killing me in my sleep. What kind of revenge would that be? asked Terry. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. You already dropped me on the ground, she complained. Isnt that enough? An hour, said Terry. He went back to clearing out a rudimentary fire pit before she thought up a reply. Hed never seen one in real life before coming to Chinese Period Drama Hell, but hed worked out the basics through exposure and practice. He was very motivated not to set himself or his tent on fire. Ekori and Jaban took it upon themselves to make the food, as they mostly had since hed cooked the enormous wing over the fire. He was content to let them do that if they wanted. It was one less thing on his list. He spent his valuable time doing constructive things like playing with Dusk. He was ceaselessly entertained by the way the little creature pounced after a long piece of grass he dragged across the ground. He did keep half an eye on Drumstick, but the enormous chicken-lizard had curled up just outside their camp. A soft, wheezy, whistling noise had started to emanate from the beast after about twenty minutes. It had taken him an embarrassingly long time to realize the noise was snoring. He had been worried that he was going to need to kill something every single day for Drumstick to eat, but it seemed to be unnecessary. The chicken-lizard would eat anything he let it have but only seemed to actually need food intermittently. The boar had been more than enough for the moment, or so Terry assumed. He was surprised to find that the meal the siblings prepared was surprisingly close to curry. It wasnt an exact match. The stew was a decidedly plum color, rather than the red or yellow colors he was used to seeing. It was a little milder than he expected as well. There was something almost floral hiding in the flavors. Even so, it was close enough that he felt a few pangs of homesickness. It wasnt the overwhelming flood that had taken him at other times, for which he was grateful. He wondered if maybe hed just hit a point of emotional fatigue. It would track. Some people could seemingly keep their emotions on a high burn for weeks, months, or even years at a time. He was not among their ranks. Just knowing people like that made him tired. Hed been experiencing a lot of intense emotions lately. He knew that hormones played a role in some of that. Hed read something that he only sort of remembered about the stress cycle and glands releasing adrenaline and Terry racked his brain. What the hell had that other hormone been? It was definitely something with a C. Wait, thought Terry, am I confusing that with something I saw in a movie? That C thing sounds really familiar. And why do I suddenly want to say, Groovy? He almost got lost trying to figure out what movie he was almost remembering but Jaban spoke up. So, you watched us fight today, said the young man as he looked at Terry. What did you think? Terry worked hard to keep a neutral expression as he debated whether he should say anything. It wasnt his job to teach, and he was wholly unqualified to remark on what anyone else was doing. It had become apparent to him in recent days that he was skating by on superior strength and speed, rather than skill. That wasnt necessarily a bad thing. If he had to have advantages, being stronger and faster than most of the things he fought was not a bad place to start from. It did, however, make his advice of questionable value. Plus, Haresh was the person who should really being weighing in on that question. He was their actual teacher. You should ask him that, said Terry as he pointed at Haresh. Hes the one training you. Jaban deflated a little and answered, I know what hell say. What would he say? asked Terry. Hed say that Im too worried about being the hero and making the kill. That I should let Ekori take the lead to do damage. And Id be right, said Haresh. Well, said Terry, sounds like you dont need me to tell you anything unless you were hoping Id say something different. Would you? asked Jaban with eager hope on his face. No. Someone picked him to teach you which means that they trust his judgment. Im in no position to gainsay him or whoever picked him. Plus, youre still alive. That means that whatever hes teaching you is working. I know, said a glum Jaban. Terry remembered being that young and desperately craving approval from older, more experienced people. He felt a little glimmer of sympathy for the kid and decided to throw him a bone. Look. Someday And by someday, I mean many, many, many years from now, you might be strong enough to be that hero you want to be, but it isnt now. You have to live long enough to get that strong. If you keep trying to be a hero now, youre just going to end up dead and probably take your sister with you. Terry thought over what hed just said, evaluated the defeated look on Jabans face, and sighed. Incidentally, said Terry, I might be kind of shitty at giving encouragement. Chapter 44 – Pebbles Over the next week, Terry noticed that the group started to find a rhythm with each other. It started with the monster attacks. Those happened with a frequency that he found both annoying and suspicious. He usually hung back with Haresh and let Jaban and Ekori handle them. He didnt have anything to prove to anyone. Plus, the younger adventurers seemed to need the practice more than he did. They didnt get any value from watching him punch something to death since it was a feat they couldnt easily replicate. Not that I dont need to practice. While he could outpower the other three adventurers, their actual skills made him feel like, well, like exactly what he was. He was like a grenade. All explosive force and zero finesse. He suspected a bit more finesse, or at least more finesse that was under his conscious control C rather than some random thing that happened as a byproduct of psychic bleedthrough from the other-knowledge C would probably serve him well. Pure, painful experience had imparted some basic tactical wisdom, but it always came back to him doing something very straightforward. In other words, he needed to come to some accommodation with the other-knowledge and other-Terry. He just wasnt quite sure how to accomplish that goal. At least, he couldnt see a way of doing it without enduring the horror of having a conversation with that other personality living inside him. It probably wouldnt be quite the same awkward torture as dealing with strangers but that didnt make it a pleasant notion. Hed never really come to grips with having a second personality knocking around inside his brain cage. There were words for things like that back in his original world. Clinical words. The sort of words found in fat psychology reference books. The kinds of words that got thrown around in legal proceedings before someones insanity defense got thrown out. He was almost positive that he wasnt suffering from a personality disorder. Almost. The problem was that he couldnt be absolutely sure. Getting sucked into another world might have overwhelmed his sanity. Then again, sanity did seem to be in terribly short supply in his new home. He might fit right in with all these crazy bastards. Still, misgiving aside, he had the intuition that his survival might depend on it. No, he thought. Its an absolute certainty that I will die if I dont learn a reliable way to access that knowledge. This stupid place will organize it so that I bump into someone or something that I cant just overwhelm with a frontal assault. Even so, he found himself procrastinating. It was just so easy to not do things he didnt want to do. Especially when he was getting so much free entertainment. Look out! shouted Jaban as he flopped onto the ground. The bat-winged dog monster that was swooping down on the young adventurer missed by a few inches before regaining a little altitude and circling overhead with the other members of its pack. Come to think of it, what is a group of bats called? Terry searched his memory but couldnt come up with a word. He turned to Haresh. Do you have bats around here? Hmmm? Oh, yeah. We do, said Haresh a little absently, his eyes still on the fight. What do you call a group of them? Where I grew up, it was always just bats or a bunch of bats. Haresh gave him a sidelong look. Is this a crucial question? asked the adventurer. Probably not, said Terry. I was just calling those things a pack, but then I wondered if that was the right word. Haresh squinted a little before he nodded. Ah. I see the connection now. A group of bats is a cauldron. Oh, thats way better than a pack. Terry focused on the cauldron of bat-winged dog monsters for a while and suppressed his laughter as Jaban repeatedly failed to hit them with his magic arrows. The beasts were surprisingly nimble in the air for their atrocious aerodynamic design. Ekori had managed to draw blood a few times, but she also had to wait for them to get close. She could have probably speared one more thoroughly if she threw the spear, but then shed be weaponless. Or not, he thought. Shes probably got more in that ring of hers. Either way, it was pretty hilarious watching them run around and dive out of the way. He supposed that sooner or later one of the monsters was going to get lucky. Since Terry didnt feel like carrying either of them, hed have to do something. He reached down and scooped up some bigger pebbles off the ground. He sorted out the biggest ones and dropped the rest. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. What are you doing? asked Haresh. I think this has probably gone on long enough, said Terry. Unless you want to volunteer to carry Jaban when he gets himself wounded. Haresh snorted and shook his head. The rocks, though? asked the man. It turns out, said Terry as he transferred all but one of the pebbles to his left hand, that Im pretty accurate with these. Terry drew back an arm and whipped a pebble at one of the monsters. Another half dozen pebbles swiftly followed. There were wet, hollow, thunking noises as the pebbles brained the monsters. They fell out of the sky. Ekori let out a shriek as one of them almost landed on her, which just set Terry off into a fit of laughter. Based on the baleful look she shot him, he decided that he should probably make his own dinner later that day. Still, he had killed these things, so he should probably go take something off of them to prove hed done it. He glanced to the side of the road where head sack was sitting. It was overstuffed already. Sighing to himself, he went over and decapitated the monsters just to be sure they were dead. He was disappointed that he couldnt absorb the cores but took them anyway. Hed seen the others taking them. He assumed that they must have some kind of value in trade. He frowned down at the corpses and tried to decide what to take as proof. The bat wings did have talon-like structures at the very tips. Those would probably do as proof. He cut those off and then gestured to the bodies. Drumstick came trotting past the other adventurers. Their complete lack of reaction was a sure sign of just how non-threatening the chicken-lizard was. Well, that and the fact that Dusk was proudly perched on top of the beasts head. Drumstick had gotten too close to Terry a few days earlier and gotten a swipe across the beak from the tiny predator. He honestly doubted that any physical damage had been done, but the huge monster had recoiled from the kitten like shed smacked it in the face with a burning brand. That had begun a campaign of psychological dominance that ended with the kitten claiming the top of the chicken-lizards head as her throne. She didnt ride the monster all the time. In fact, she seemed to prefer Terrys shoulder or the inside of his robe. If he was otherwise occupied, though, she would stalk over to the relatively mountainous monster and stare up at it. Drumstick would dutifully extend a wing, and Dusk would regally stride up it. That little display of dominance had put the nail in the coffin of any fear the other adventurers had of the cock-a-somesuch. I really need to remember what the hell these monsters are called. He watched as Dusk descended from the top of Drumsticks head, down a wing, and onto the ground. She haughtily went over to one of the slain monster heads and sniffed it. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, she reached out a paw and batted its nose. Apparently satisfied that it was dead, she turned her back on it and started making her way over to Terry. As he slipped the talons into head sack, he called out to Haresh. How far is the next town? This sack is over capacity, I think. Another day or two. Is there a guild hall there? There is, said Ekori, who stopped to scoop up the kitten. Terry pretended that it didnt annoy him when the kitten immediately lost interest in him and started purring as the young woman pet her. Ekori shot him a triumphant smirk. Geez. Talk about vindictive. Its not like I aimed that stupid monster at her. Now, shes trying to steal my cat. He gave Ekori a look. He wasnt sure exactly what it was, but it seemed to amuse her. Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, cat thief, muttered Terry. At least, well be able to empty out head sack and get paid. I like getting paid, said Jaban. You like going to the tavern, said Ekori. Thats where the women are, said Jaban. Hey, said Terry, walking over and plucking Dusk out of Ekoris hand. Shes too little for that kind of talk. Shes a cat, said Jaban. No. Shes my cat, said Terry. And my cat is too little to be hearing about your lechery. Ekoris eyes lit up, and she immediately changed tacks. Yes. You and lechery should be quiet. Why are you ganging up on me? complained Jaban. Terry and Ekori traded a look, shrugged, and spoke in unison. Because its fun. Fun for you, maybe, grumbled Jaban. No, its fun for all of us, said Haresh. Why isnt anyone on my side? Maybe Drumstick will be on your on your side, suggested Terry. They all looked over at the chicken-lizard. It was pulling a wing off one of the monster corpses. Jaban shuddered. I think Im okay. Beggars cant be choosers, said Terry. The other three stared at him like hed said something utterly profound and not tossed off a clich. What? he asked. Thats a great saying, said Haresh. I may need to use that. The other two were nodding. Terry stiffened. He didnt know which one it was, but he could feel a trope hovering in the air like the presence of damnation. Fucking things are bad as mosquitoes. Chapter 45 – A Sad Substitute Terry found himself almost glaring at the gates of the town they were approaching. He didnt mean to do it. Hed just had such crappy experiences in cities and towns so far that he was not excited about spending more time than absolutely necessary in another one. He definitely wanted to get farther south before he even considered stopping anywhere for any length of time. Plus, getting farther south came with the delightful benefit of putting a lot of miles between him and his assorted enemies. Well, some of them at any rate. He didnt think hed ever really be out of the grasp of the Church. They seemed to be everywhere. But he could make an effort not to draw too much attention to himself wherever he did decide to try to make a new life far, far away from that pesky war up north and the stupidly pretty people. Have you been here before? asked Ekori. He glanced her way and said, No. Why? Youre scowling at the gates like you hate this place, she observed. He winced a little and tried to smooth his expression. I dont care about this place one way or the other, he admitted. I just want to be quick about getting on my way. Visit the guild. Visit a market. Go. That drew looks from the other three. It wasnt exactly surprise or displeasure, but some bastard hybrid of the two. He supposed that they saw towns as refuges, not the big stupid traps that they actually were. If his luck held, Terry was going to find angry Church people, annoyed nobles, and probably a whole legion of stupidly pretty people who all just happened to have gathered in this one spot. Theyll be like a swarm of big, aggravating locusts that came to feast on my limited tolerance. Ill probably have to cut my way out of this damn town. He did notice a little part of him that tried to suggest that he was, maybe, being just a little too pessimistic. It sounded good, except for the part when he thought he sounded like a Pollyanna moron. He told that part of himself to shut the fuck up. Hed stop being pessimistic when terrible shit stopped happening to him all the time. Youre scowling again, said Ekori. Terry sighed. I dont like towns, he said. Why? Theyre full of people. Thats usually the draw. There are people gathered there. People who do things like rent rooms and provide hot baths. True. I just dont like people very much. Hell, thought Terry. Its not even a lie. Shocking, said Ekori in a dry tone. Terry shrugged and said, I never claimed to be complicated. He did make a point to hang back at the gate and let Haresh do the talking. Not that it proved at all necessary. The guards were not, even in Terrys limited experience, what one might describe as top-shelf examples. They asked a few rudimentary questions, accepted it all at face value, and waved them through. If anything, they seemed excited that adventurers were visiting the town. Given that there was a guild hall there, he wasnt sure what to make of that reaction. It seemed as though adventurers ought to be coming through on at least a semi-regular basis. What do I know? Maybe this is just one of those places that doesnt get a lot of visitors from anywhere. Despite the fact that the town was on a road, it didnt mean it was a well-traveled road. There might be other roads that led to more popular destinations. He did his best not to give the guards the side-eye as he walked past. It was ultimately to his advantage if they were incompetent. It was difficult not to stare. They lived into the stereotype of the lazy cop if any two people ever had. Overweight. Mustaches. Put them in a police car, give them some coffee and doughnuts, and those two could have been found in any small town back in his world. If either of them said, respect my authoratah, he was going to lose it. He would be physically incapable of restraining the laughter. He knew that would be bad and totally counterproductive, but facts were facts. His control had limits. Fortunately, neither of them seemed interested in asserting their authoritah. So, disaster was averted. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. Terry did end up parting ways with the other adventurers for part of the day. One of the lessons hed learned the hard way was that he needed to go and do his shopping before he did anything else. Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban seemed fixated on getting rooms. He found out where they were staying, checked his aversion to all strangers, and got some directions. Visiting the local market was a trial, even if it wasnt a particularly unique trial. It just proved as tedious and patience testing as his previous visits to markets had been. He had paid attention to how the haggling worked and remembered that vendors got a lot less aggressive when he gave out subtle signs of his unhappiness. Things like drumming his fingers on the hilt of his jian and scowling like he meant to murder people. He was pretty sure that he still overpaid a few times. On the other hand, he wasnt desperately searching for survival items on that trip. The only thing that remotely fell into that category was food, which was readily available if nothing special. He even picked up a few spices that hed seen Ekori and Jaban using in their food. Hed never intentionally make his food as spicy as they did, but he did like a bit of kick now and then. The biggest disappointment of the day was his failure to find anyone selling the stuff theyd used to make that curry stand-in, which frustrated him. That almost-curry had been like finding a little piece of home in Chinese Period Drama Hell. He was almost as frustrated, if far less surprised, to discover that no one had ever even heard of anything like coffee. He tried describing the beans and just ended up confusing people. Beans? asked one vendor. No, you want Vallens. Hes a farmer. He sells beans. No. No. That isnt what I Terry had drifted to a stop and remembered that dried beans kept well. Wheres Vallenss stall? With his coffee fantasy shattered to fragments, hed finally settled on some tea that had been described as extremely dark and bitter. He was certain it wouldnt taste anything like coffee, but even a sad coffee substitute was better than nothing at all. Id still murder someone for an espresso. He wasnt even sure that he was being hyperbolic. If there was a place to get an espresso and someone tried to keep him from it, he might actually murder them. He couldnt even convince himself hed feel bad about it afterward. A fact that made him wonder if being in this world had already damaged him beyond repair. Its not like Ive got a lead on going home anyway. Not unless I can find Truck-kun and extort the damnable thing. It was another idea that put a smile on his face but also suffered from a serious problem in execution. How does one summon a death-dealing horseless carriage? What does one use to extort such a thing? Did Truck-kun have weak points where he could apply pressure? Were there tiny-toy-car-sized children out there that he could find and hold hostage? That possibility made him feel more than a little icky. Holding kids hostage was definitely a bridge too far, even if they did have internal combustion engines instead of hearts. Terry tucked that notion away for later examination. Once he understood this world a little better, maybe he could figure out a way to summon the homicidal automobile. In the meantime, though, he might as well go in for a bit of that decadent shelter and get a bath. The town was smaller than the last one, and he managed to find the inn without much trouble. He didnt even need to wait for a bath. It seemed the place was set up with several rooms that contained the big metal tubs. As he soaked in the tub, he concluded that he needed to figure out some kind of shower substitute that he could use on the road. The world was full of magic. How hard could it be to get warm water and pressure connected in one device? Granted, he didnt know anything about plumbing and water heating, but he didnt need to make it himself. He just needed to find someone who could throw together a solution for him. Even a kludge solution that only worked sometimes would be enough to satisfy him. There was simply something about being clean that made him like the world wasnt as hostile. He resisted the urge to reach out and pet Dusk, who was curled up nearby on the thick, folded towel he meant to use to dry off. He doubted she would appreciate it if he got her wet. Shed certainly looked askance at the full tub. Apparently, that thing about cats and water held true across dimensions. He had been surprised that the inn owner hadnt complained at all. He supposed that it was just the power of cuteness at work again. Shed looked at the man with her big eyes and any resistance had melted away like an ice cream cone on hot pavement. When shed leapt from his shoulder down to the counter and pounced after a loose string on the mans sleeve, shed earned a big grin. Even if Terry managed to get himself kicked out of the place, he was pretty sure that Dusk could come back whenever she wanted. After the water had started to transition from warm to cool, hed reluctantly gotten out and found his way downstairs to where the others were waiting. Are you ready to go to the Adventurers Guild? demanded Jaban. Terry eyed the young man and decided that there must be a tavern nearby that he wanted to visit. He was a little too eager. An intuition supported by Ekoris eye-roll. Sure, said Terry. Just let me go grab my pack. What makes you think youll need your pack? asked Ekori. Experience, said Terry in a tired voice as he headed for his room. Chapter 46 – That’s What You Get The Adventurers Guild Hall turned out to be a modest affair. There were just a few scattered tables with a bare smattering of people sitting around them. Terry was surprised to discover that while they all tried to look tough, none of them gave him that sense of danger hed come to expect from anything that posed a real threat to his life. They reminded him a bit of a guy hed worked with for a while that hed dubbed Se?or Edgelord. The guy had been one of those programmers who spent way too much time working out, getting tats, and trying to shock people. It had worked. He was big enough that nobody really wanted to get into an argument with him. Except, hed been weak. Terry had heard the guy getting chewed out at the end of work one day, only to spot Se?or Edgelord crying in his car a little later. Of course, not being a mortal threat in no way excluded them from being a hassle later. To make matters worse, one of those smug bastards was wearing a rice hat. Hes not being smug, Terry told himself. Hes just looking at the group like everyone else. Even so, Terry had to resist the urge to go and take the damn thing from the guy. Then, a thought occurred to him. He hadnt actually made any enemies in this town. At least, he hadnt yet. He stopped in his tracks and looked at the guy with the hat. Apparently, his gaze had been a little too intense because the guy choked on his drink. Oops. Hey, friend, said Terry in his most friend-ish tone. Where did you get that hat? The man froze in place and paled at the question. I guess I didnt quite hit that friendly tone I was going for. The silence threatened to become oppressive until the woman sitting next to the rice-hat-wearing guy kicked him under the table. Answer him, she hissed in a harsh whisper. I I At At the market, stuttered the man. Hmmm, said Terry with a frown. He didnt recall seeing anyone at the market selling them, and he was very certain he would have noticed those hats. Maybe whoever makes them doesnt go every day? I guess that makes sense. It''s probably a lot of work to make those things. He might need to go back assuming a catastrophe didnt strike in the meantime. He noticed that the guy was giving him a terrified look and sweating bullets. Geez, what is that guys issue? I just asked him a question. Terry shook his head a little and walked toward the counter. He saw Haresh reach into head sack and realized he needed to shut that shit down in a fucking hurry after what had happened last time. He raced up to grab the man by the wrist. When Haresh gave him a confused look, Terry just shook his head. He looked at the woman behind the counter. Wed like to do this in private if you dont mind, he said giving her his best smile. Of course, said the woman in a strained voice. Terry wasnt sure what that was about, but he supposed it didnt matter that much. Hed be satisfied as long as they could conduct their business behind closed doors. The woman gestured for them to come around the counter. They followed her to a back room where the woman asked to see Terrys guild identification. He handed it to her. She did something, and it gave off a faint glow. She didnt immediately hand it back. Instead, she stared down at it and then moved her nervous gaze to him. He just held out his hand. She, almost reluctantly, handed the identification back to him. Is there a particular reason that your group wanted this done in private? she asked. While her question was, theoretically, for everyone, she focused her attention on him like he was in charge or some stupid shit like that. Then again, he had been the one who asked for privacy, so maybe it was his job to answer. Ive drawn unwanted attention from other adventurers in the past, he said. The woman looked like she wanted to ask him a lot of questions. It seemed that his expression was sufficiently uninviting that she kept them to herself. It did, however, look like it might have cost her something to keep them behind her teeth. Terry decided all of that fell into the glorious realm known as Other Peoples Problems and promptly put it out of his mind. When the woman mercifully turned her attention back to Haresh, Terry did have to repress a sigh of relief. He strongly suspected that he was never going to like being the focus of anyones attention. Well, lets see what you have, said the woman. Haresh started emptying out head sack. A few things led to a raised eyebrow but otherwise went fine until he pulled out the man-goat things head. The womans expression went briefly slack before she turned disbelieving eyes on Haresh. You killed this? she demanded. That was when Terry learned that Haresh was a terrible actor. I Yes, of course. It was, um, a very difficult, um, battle, said Haresh in a stumbling voice. But with the assistance of, um, my brave, that is, very brave students we, um, we slew the beast. It was all that Terry could do to stop his eye-roll. The man could not have been less convincing if he tried. Ekori and Jaban did a better job of keeping straight faces, but even they looked vaguely guilty. The woman stared at them for a long moment before she pierced Terry with a gimlet eye. He did his best to put on a bland expression. She pressed her hands flat on the table and pushed herself up into a standing position. Her eyes never left Terry when she spoke in a series of clipped words. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! May I speak with you in private, she commanded in the form of a question. Ill take pissed-off authority figures for a thousand, Alex, thought Terry. He saw Haresh giving him an apologetic look. Shaking his head, Terry followed the woman out into a short corridor. She whirled on him, her eyes furious, and poked him hard in the chest. What game are you playing? Do you honestly expect me to believe any of this? Terry got the distinct impression that she wasnt just talking about the man-goat thing. The unfortunate truth was that he really didnt know for sure what had her bent all out of shape. There had been a lot of lies, but he was pretty sure they were all white lies. He also didnt want to provide her with information or ideas that she didnt already have. Just play dumb, he advised himself. Im not sure what you mean, he said. Oh, really? Really, said Terry, doing his best to come across as sincere. Where should I start? First, theres that fantasy that those three rank four adventurers killed that thing. Wait a second. Haresh is solid. I thought he was a rank three, said Terry. It was even true. He hadnt met a lot of adventurers yet, but he thought that something must have gone very wrong if Haresh wasnt a rank three. Then again, he didnt really know how they decided such things, so maybe there was some kind of objective power assessment. If that was the case, maybe Haresh just didnt quite make the grade. It was possible. Terry just didnt know. I guess this is one of the pitfalls of blackmailing my way into the guild instead of applying properly. Not that the bitch who took my application was going to let me do it properly. He isnt, said the woman in a sharp tone before she softened a tiny bit. Although, he might actually be qualified. Regardless, he didnt kill that thing. You did. Which brings us around to the second fantasy. The one in which youre a rank three. I am a rank three. You saw that, said Terry, being careful not to confirm or deny his role in the killing. Yes. I saw your identification. I simply have no idea how you convinced the guild to pretend that rank is accurate. Terry frowned at the woman. He truly didnt see the problem or why this woman was so worked up about all of it. Since she was looking at him expectantly and he didnt have anything better to say, he charged forward. Look, said Terry, I really dont see the problem or why youre so worked up about all of this. You dont see the problem?! I dont. Lets say that everything you suspect is true. Lets say I did kill that monster. Lets say that I might, technically, be a tiny bit stronger than your average rank three. What difference does it make? We keep records of these things. And? Theyll be credited for killing something they didnt kill, she said in an exasperated voice. Im still not seeing the problem. The first problem is that we take kills into account when determining advancement between ranks. Its not the only thing, but its one of the things. Terry could maybe see why that was a little problematic, but it didnt seem like that big of a deal. The next problem, she continued, is that the guild doesnt look kindly of higher ranked adventurers trying to inflate the records of lower rank adventurers. That was definitely more problematic. It wasnt what hed set out to do, but it would certainly look like that was what had happened. It could also see how something like that might be abused. In fact, he was certain that it had been abused. It was probably why they started keeping records and checking things. He didnt want to make trouble for Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban when it came time for them to advance if they ever did. The final problem is that if this goes into their records, its going to cause an uproar. Terry frowned and asked, Why? Because weve been trying to recruit a rank two to come here and kill that thing for the last six months. Seriously? Yes. So, if I put it in the records that three rank fours killed it, no one will believe it. And they shouldnt believe it because its absurd. After that, there will be an investigation. Of me. Of them. Of you. It would take divine intervention to keep us all from getting kicked out of the guild. Im not getting kicked out of the guild for you. Well, fuck, said Terry. Damn bureaucracy kicking me in the balls again. The woman seemed a little appalled at his profane pronouncements. He carried on before she could start yelling at him. Fine. I killed it. I dont care who gets credit. I just wanted them to get the reward. And another thing she started to say. What? You just wanted them to get the reward? Yeah, I killed something they meant to hunt. I was just trying to balance the scale. Then why not just give them the money? she almost shouted at him. Thats he hesitated. Reasonable. She gaped at him and said, Are you an idiot? I might be, sighed Terry. So, now you know. Can we go back in and settle up. No. Why not? Because you are not a rank three. I most certainly am. It says so right on the special, special badge thing you guys gave me. She just held out her hand and stared at him. He had the grim certainty that he was either going to walk out of this place with a rank two identification and some money, or he was going to walk out with head sack stuffed full again. Is this a trope? Is getting screwed over by other peoples honesty a trope? If not, it should be, Terry grumbled mentally. He debated leaving, but he had no idea how much farther the next guild hall was. He also had no way of knowing how honest the next guild representative would be. He could find himself facing this exact same situation. Hed been lulled into a false sense of confidence about dealing with the guild. If hed been thinking it through, this scenario would probably have looked inevitable. He was bound to find sticklers for the rules at some point. Fine, he said in his best grumpy old man voice. He handed over his identification. The woman looked satisfied before giving him a quizzical look. Why wouldnt you want to be rank two? Because I hate people. I hate heroes. And I especially hate people who want me to be a hero. Oh, she said in abrupt understanding and immediately ruined it. Well, thats what you get for being strong. I need to go find another monster to slap, thought Terry. Chapter 47 – Rice Hat One rank two identification and a meaningful pile of money later, Terry was stomping his way out of the Adventurers Guild. He wasnt mad at anyone in particular. He was just mad. Hed tromped over the rules of the Adventurers Guild like a drunk elephant and expected to get away with it forever. As a programmer, he knew better. There were workarounds in any system, but you couldnt brute force every problem and expect great results. You also needed to know the rules before you went bending and breaking them. He treated those guild rules like a trope he could ignore instead of a system he had to manipulate, and it came back to smack him upside the head. It could be worse, said Ekori. He stopped walking and turned to look at her. Really? How long do you think Ill be able to keep that rank two thing from spreading? How long before everyone knows wherever I go? How long until people are hounding me to fix their problems because Im strong? A while, she said in a weak voice. Yeah. A while, said Terry. Im sorry, said Haresh. This is my fault. Terry was tempted to agree with him, but he knew that wasnt fair. Hed been the stupid one in this situation. Hed acted like one of those trust fund babies who didnt understand why it should matter that they crashed their Porsche because they still had a Ferrari and a Maserati. No bigs, right? Hed just blithely ignored reality. It wasnt his reality, but it wasnt so wholly alien that common sense had zero foothold. Some things were predictable. The people he was encountering werent NPCs in some game that he could treat however he wanted. Well, maybe they were a little bit. The whole might makes right thing sort of suggested he could impose his will, but he couldnt do it without consequence. Plus, who wants to be that asshole? No, he admitted. It was my mistake. I was being cavalier about the rules. Haresh looked relieved but not altogether satisfied. Well, perhaps a bit, but I didnt really help you convince her. I feel bad about that because you were trying to do something kind. Its for the best. Well, its for the best for you. You dont need the guild investigating you. Haresh nodded in agreement, but Ekori and Jaban both looked startled. Apparently, it hadnt occurred to them that there might be some kind of fallout. Terry didnt know if it was just the stupidity of youth or if they werent as up to speed on the rules as they probably should be. He considered the pair for a moment. Yeah, it was definitely the stupidity of youth. I dont know what Hareshs excuse was. Maybe he thinks hes a better liar than he is. Whatever the case, it was done. Now, Terry just needed to figure out a way to make sure people didnt find out. Before any of that, though, he had something to take care of. He turned and started walking again. Where are you going? Ekori called after him. To get a damn rice hat. It didnt take him too long to get back to the market, but another pass through didnt reveal a convenient rice hat seller. He finally made the ultimate personal sacrifice and asked someone where he could buy one. He was painfully disappointed to discover that the woman who sold them wouldnt be back until the next day. With the market sellers packing up and sunset approaching, he decided to take advantage of that room hed already paid for. It had been a while since he last slept on a bed. Hed also been outside in a town way more than made him comfortable. If he kept tempting fate that way, who knew what might happen? Church assassins might start literally falling from the sky like a rain of pestilent, kill-happy frogs. It didnt seem terribly likely, but he wasnt about to discount any possibility in this place. He made his way back to the inn and stowed his pack in his room again. He also made a point of getting a meal in the common room. He took a table in a corner and was blessed with a bit of alone time, or as close to alone time as he could get while in public and glaring at anyone who looked like they might ask to sit at his table. It was only after he finished his food and retreated to his room that he was able to relax at all. He knew that the bed he sprawled on wasnt comfortable by the standards of his old world. This world had clearly never considered the benefits of pillowtop mattresses or the glory of memory foam. After spending so much time sleeping outside on the ground, though, even the vaguely lumpy thing beneath him felt, although he hated to use the word, decadent. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. Dusk didnt share his reservations. Shed spent a few minutes wandering around the bed before curling into a tiny, purring ball next to his head on the pillow. He hoped that Drumstick didnt decide to try to follow them into the town. He was pretty sure hed convinced the chicken-lizard to wait for them on the far side of town, but he worried hed put too much faith in the beast. While he was fairly certain that none of the local adventurers could kill Drumstick, he cringed to imagine the havoc that would ensue if they tried. Thats a problem for future Terry, he assured himself. It might not even happen. Now that he had a bit of downtime, though, he figured he should probably try to have a conversation with other-Terry. Before he could get started with that, though, he fell asleep. He woke with a start and an awful feeling of uncertainty. He had no idea where he was for a few awful seconds. Hed been dreaming about something that he was ninety-nine percent certain had never happened to him. There had been a lot of sitting around and doing things with his core. It hadnt really felt like a dream. It came across more like a memory. Except, hed never done anything like meditating in the pre-Chinese Period Drama Hell days. It had all felt a little too New Age-y to him. Hed read about the supposed health benefits of meditation, but hed also read that eggs were terrible for him, good for him, and maybe not terrible if ingested in certain amounts. That kind of thing had made him decidedly wary of jumping onto any bandwagon. Of course, cultivating in novels always sounded a lot like meditating to him, just with extra bells and whistles thrown in to give it style. Thats what his dream seemed like. He poked at the spot in his head where the other-knowledge and other-Terry lived. Was I dreaming about how to cultivate? Is that what Im supposed to be doing? There was a protracted silence. Just when he was ready to give up, other-Terry finally chimed in. Something like that. You arent from here, so it wont work exactly the same way for you but thats the general idea. Terry considered those words and tried to decide what he should ask next. Why wont it work the same for me? There was another pause and regular-Terry could almost hear other-Terry trying to decide what to say. Other-Terry came to a decision and said, Well, its because insert spiritual mumbo-jumbo here. Seriously? said Terry out loud. Thats your answer? You say that like youd understand if I told you, answered other-Terry. I might, said Terry. You do realize that I live inside what passes for your mind, right? I can see what kind of information you possess. You already know that you dont know what you need to know to understand what Id tell you. Youre a dick. Oh, and youre a shining example of courtesy. Terry didnt have a good answer to that, so he scratched Dusks head. The little kitten had woken up when he started speaking out loud. She swiftly put her head down and went back to sleep as he pet her. A glance at the window told him that it was still dark outside, even if he could hear some people moving around in the building and outside. Jesus Christ, since when did I get that kind of superhearing? He didnt manage to get back to sleep and settled for dozing until it was morning proper. He didnt have any more dreams about cultivation, although he spent a lot of time daydreaming about steak. He found the others downstairs eating breakfast. He''d given it some thought and decided that he didnt mind traveling with them, but he didnt plan on waiting around forever for them. Im leaving today, he told the trio. But started Jaban, but Haresh cut him off. Do you mean to leave immediately, asked the older adventurer. Not immediately. Im going to the market. I should be able to get the kind of hat I want there today. After that, though, Ill be on my way. You can either meet me there or catch up with me on the road if you want. We will, said Haresh. But Jaban said again, only to be cut off by Ekori. You can be lecherous somewhere else, she told her brother, earning a glare. Terry left them to their bickering and returned to the market. He had to wait for nearly an hour before the hat woman arrived. When she set up her little stall, though, he was waiting eagerly. He didnt even haggle with her, just forked over the asking price. He knew he overpaid based on her shocked expression. That didnt matter, though. He had a rice hat again. He was holding it out in front of him when he heard a sharp twang. He turned toward the noise, the rice hat still in his hands. A crossbow bolt punched through the hat before crashing into his chest and splintering into pieces. Terry stared in horrified shock at the disfigured hat before he held it up to the sky. He could see blue through the neat hole the crossbow bolt had left in the hat. Are you fucking kidding me! Chapter 48 – Restitution Terry couldnt believe it. He just could. Not. Believe. It. Hed finally, finally, gotten another rice hat, and some walking dead man had put a hole in it. For that brief moment, he felt like this new world of his was truly conspiring against him. He hadnt had grand ambitions. He hadnt gone looking for acclaim, dominion, or any of that other power fantasy bullshit. Hed had two modest goals. Escape the war, and get another hat. Those had felt like achievable goals. Replacing his hat had seemed like it was going to be the simpler of the two goals, yet there was the evidence of his eyes to refute it. He lowered the hat and felt something rising in him. Something pure. Something cold. Something diamond hard. The world wasnt going to let him have even this one simple thing that brought him happiness, and he meant to take that out on someone. He swept his glare across the marketplace like a predator seeking prey. Terrys eyes locked on a man who still had a crossbow pressed to his shoulder. Their gazes met. The mans eyes went huge, and he stumbled back. He tried to pull out another bolt, dropped it, and reached for another. Terry drew one of his jian and leveled it at Captain Crossbow. You! he shouted. The hat-killing hero flinched and dropped the bolt he was trying desperately to slot into place. Terry stormed toward the man. Part of him noted that the guy was wearing one of those getups the church soldier types wore, but he didnt really care about that. Or, maybe he did. He was vaguely aware that his jian had taken on that truly disturbing red glow it had when he fought the priest what felt like seventy-five thousand years ago. He heard more twangs as other people started taking shots at him with crossbows. He cut some of the bolts out of the air with contemptuous slashes. He just let some of them bounce off his hardened body. He snatched a few out of the air and had an impromptu game of catch with other crossbow wielders. He won. Through it all, though, he never let his eyes waver from Captain Crossbow. The man was so frightened that he wasnt even trying to load his weapon for a second try. Terry was vaguely aware that the townspeople were running and screaming, although he wasnt sure how much of that he could be blamed for. He hadnt started this fight. He wasnt the one firing lethal weapons into a crowd of innocents. His eyes narrowed when Captain Crossbow took a step back like he meant to run. Well, we cant have that now, can we? Terry still wasnt sure exactly how fast he was, but he was fast enough to outfight most of the monsters hed fought. He shot forward. Before he knew it, Terry was eye-to-eye with the bastard who had ruined his new hat. Going someone, killer? asked Terry in a very calm voice as he lifted the injured headwear. Look what you did to my hat. Captain Crossbow blinked rapidly as confusion flittered across his face. Your hat? Yes. My hat. My brand-new hat. You put a hole in it, and were going to talk about that. But it looks like I need to go deal with something first. So, you wait right here, said Terry, fixing the man in place with a look. You do not want to make me chase you. The part of Terry that was still vaguely rational had finally gotten the message through that this was some kind of assassination attempt. He wasnt even really that surprised. Hed been expecting something like that ever since he killed that priest and those idiots in the woods. A challenge to the Churchs authority like that couldnt go unanswered because that would be reasonable. And if there was one thing that everyone could rely on big, powerful, corrupt organizations to be, it was for them to be unreasonable. The smart thing for them to do would have been to leave him alone. If theyd left him alone, hed have left them alone. But no. Why let the opportunity to fulfill a trope pass them by when they could just live up to it? Plus, he was still getting peppered with crossbow bolts, and he was pretty sure he was getting shot with regular arrows as well. That was getting annoying. If thats how things are going to be, he thought, fine. Ill play my part. I still remember rule number two. These bastards were willing to ambush me, in public no less, and put all these people at risk while they did it. If they want to treat life that cheaply, I can do the same. He smiled at Captain Crossbow. It must not have been a very nice smile because the man shrank back from him. You stay here. Ill be right back, said Terry. Then, without breaking eye contact, he lashed out with his jian. There was the sound of tortured metal, followed by a gurgling scream. He looked to his right. There was a sword that had been sheared in two and a man who had gotten more or less the same treatment. Both were on the ground. Terry really wanted to be indifferent to the sight, but he wasnt that far gone yet. He didnt exactly feel bad about it. These people were trying to kill him, but bisecting a guy was still messy and gross. He could see parts of the man that were definitely supposed to be on the inside. Even after all of those monsters hed killed, it still wasnt the same with people. I guess that whole sanctity of life thing is going to be harder to shake than I thought it would be. Stupid moral compass. Stop making things hard! Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. Then, someone shot him in the face with an arrow. Terry discovered that getting shot in the face, even non-lethally, had a way of clarifying his priorities. After brushing away the splintered arrow pieces from his cheeks and eyes, he found the archer staring at him from a nearby rooftop. Well, I guess now is as good a time as any to find out how far and high I can jump. He took three quick steps, crouched a little, and launched himself like one of those water-pressure-driven rockets. He got good height, but his aim was a bit off. He landed on the building next to the archer. Well, shit. I guess I need to work on that. Fortunately, he wasnt that far away. He bounded from one building to the next and cut down the archer. He cast his eye over the square and noted the locations of the churchs thugs. He looked down at the quiver of arrows on the ground. He didnt know anything about using a bow, but he was pretty good at throwing things. He went to grab an arrow with his free hand only to realize he was still holding the rice hat. Except, now it had a hole in it and was half-covered with blood. Screw it, he thought. He plopped the hat on his head and sheathed the sword. He tore the quiver free from the archers corpse and began plucking arrows free. He hurled them at the Church assholes. The first few went straight through the guys and slammed into the ground or nearby walls like small mortar rounds. Rock exploded, and shards went everywhere. He eased up a bit after that. He wasnt trying to kill bystanders. When the Church goons started taking cover, he dropped the quiver and jumped off the roof. He was about to go track down the rest of the attack team when someone new came charging into the market. The man was an Aryan poster boy, with piercing blue eyes, platinum blonde hair, and possibly the squarest jaw in the history of square jaws. He was also wearing an ornate breastplate and vambraces with a lot of complicated engravings on them. He saw Terry and came to a stop. He drew a longsword and sneered contempt in Terrys direction. I am the holy knight Alment Kingsten. Defender of the Holy Church. My unstained honor lets me stand between all evil and There were probably more words after that, but Terry stopped listening because it was very clear the new guy was a douche. While he was ignoring the new guy, he made sure to make eye contact with Captain Crossbow. It looked like the man was trying to sneak a little closer to the edge of the market, so Terry shook his head. Something the new guy was saying finally filtered through. How dare you ignore me? I am a holy Yeah, I didnt care the first time you were listing your credentials. You must realize how unbelievably insecure that makes you sound. So, dont feel compelled to repeat them. Theres no need to make me waste my time ignoring you twice. You dare! Terry perked up. Someone had finally said it. Oh my god, it is so satisfying to piss off an enemy so much that they say that. Yeah, Im going to have to see if I get the bad guys to say that more often. Still, Terry had to go back to ignoring the guy because the knight was blustering again. Rather than simply endure the tedium, Terry looked around. He spotted a softball-sized piece of stone that had almost certainly been dislodged by his arrow-mortars. That gave him an idea. He walked over and picked up the rock. He hefted it a few times. It felt really light in his hands. Way lighter than a rock that size had any right to feel. He hefted it a couple more times before he smiled at the knight who gave Terry a narrow-eyed glare. Do you think to threaten me with a mere stone? I am Batter up, said Terry. He wound up and sent the rock at the knight like a small meteor. Terry was a little surprised when the guy didnt even try to dodge. In fact, the knight looked positively smug. Oh, I bet that stupid breastplate is enchanted or something. Based on the flash of light, it seemed that Terry was right. It wasnt enough. There was an almighty clang, and the knight was flung bodily through a nearby wall. I might have overdone that a little. Oh well. Done is done. Terry walked back over to Captain Crossbow, grabbed the man by the ear, and dragged him down to where the woman who was selling the hats was hiding. Say youre sorry, commanded Terry. Im sorry I ruined your hat, sobbed the man while staring at Terry. Dont apologize to me, you jackass. Apologize to her for ruining all of her hard work. Terry gestured at the woman, who was gaping at them both. The Church guy stumbled all over himself to apologize for ruining her work, disrupting her day, and about ten other things that Terry hadnt told him to apologize for. Good, said Terry. Now, youre going to buy me a new hat to replace the one you wrecked. Of course! The guy fumbled at his waist and brought out a pouch. Terry snatched it from the other man and shook it. That sounds right. Now, leave before I decide to send you to be with your friends in the afterlife. Captain Crossbow ran away. Terry took off the hat hed bought less than five minutes before, gave it a mournful look, and then tossed it away. He smiled at the woman and held out the pouch. Id like to buy another hat please. Chapter 49 – A Friendly Chat Actually, could you just hang on to that for me for a few minutes? asked Terry. Hed gotten so caught up in the idea of making Captain Crossbow pay for the hat that hed neglected to deal with the rest of the ambushers. He thought most of them had run away, but there was always that one guy in the books. The last thing he wanted was to get another hat just to have some idiot destroy it, and they would. It was practically inevitable. Hell, one of them might even do it on purpose. The woman who made the rice hats nodded. Sure, she said. I guess. Thanks. This shouldnt take too long. After he stood there for another thirty seconds, the hat lady lifted an eyebrow at him. Are you going to go do something? she asked a little hesitantly. I probably should, he admitted. Im just not very motivated to go do it. Why? Because these things always get worse before they get better. They do? In my experience, thats how it goes. But, as long as I just stand here, I wont incite the incident. It wont kick off until I actually try to do something. What? she asked in clear confusion. Dont worry about it. That trope is probably only true for me. Whats a trope? A pain in the ass, said Terry as he turned and started to walk away. A huge pain in the ass. It took four steps. Four measly little steps before the worlds trope activation sequence went into action. The holy douche knight crashed out of the building hed been knocked into. The man was bellowing about something or other. Probably his untarnished honor, thought Terry. The man looked the worse for wear through. There was a spiderweb pattern of cracks radiating out from a massive dent in the mans breastplate. All of the engravings looked charred, almost like they were a circuit that had burned out. There was an ugly gash across the mans cheek and a wild look in his eyes. He was still holding his stupid shiny sword. Yeah, this wont turn into a mess. You heathen! shouted Douche Knight Extraordinaire. You say that like it should bother me, said Terry. Terry was a little amused to see the other man struggle to find a response to that. While the other guy opened and closed his mouth like a fish, Terry looked around for another rock. He couldnt find one that was as big as the first one he threw, so he settled on picking up a few smaller ones. I really should make a habit of picking up good throwing rocks. Its not like carrying them around will be any kind of a burden for me. It might be a bit cumbersome, though. Ill have to be selective about which ones I keep. He saw that the knight was eyeing him warily. You wont even face me with honor? demanded the Douche Knight. I dont care about honor. Besides, its not like your corrupt little church has any honor anyway. What kind of church sends out assassination squads? You cultivator trash must be wiped from the face of the world. Youre abominations. Wow. Trash and an abomination but you want me to fight with honor? Youve taken a lot of blows to the head, havent you? No. Dont answer. Its not good for you either way, said Terry. I dont fear your kind, sneered the Douche Knight. Thats entirely up to you, answered Terry as he whipped a rock at the guy. The knight let out a shriek of pain as the sword tumbled from the hand that, unless Terry missed his guess, now had many broken bones in it. A guy with a crossbow popped out from behind some cover. Terry beaned him in the head. He tried to dial it back enough not to brain the guy, but this was something else he hadnt practiced. The knight tried to charge during Terrys moment of distraction and got a rock to the thigh for his trouble. The man collapsed letting out a yowl of pain. A few more crossbow heroes tried their luck and got rocks to their heads for their trouble. The knight lifted his good hand and started chanting. A glow started to gather around that hand. Terry had seen that trick before and didnt much feel like dealing with it, so he beaned the Douche Knight. There was a small spray of blood and the man dropped to the ground. Terry stopped walking and looked around at the mostly abandoned market. Stolen novel; please report. If you run away now, Ill let you. There was pin-drop silence for a few seconds before one guy cautiously rose, shot a panicked look at the unconscious knight, and took off. Two more Church thugs followed on his heels. Terry crossed the remaining distance between him and the knight and nudged the guy with his foot. Satisfied that the man really was unconscious, he walked back over to the hat lady. She was standing there with his hat held limply in her hand. He smiled and held out his own hand. Okay, I think Im ready for my hat now. She put it in his hands with almost mechanical motions. I guess this kind of thing isnt normal for these parts. You should go now, she said. The Church will Oh, Im sure the Church has all kinds of dastardly plans for me. I suppose I should go discourage them. Where is the local branch of the church? He did manage to get directions from the hat lady but only after she reiterated several times that he should flee. Like fleeing had done him any good. Hed been trying to get away from them for a while now and that just wasn''t getting it done. If he ever wanted it to stop, hed have to tell them to stop and be at least a little convincing about it. As he walked out of the market, he grabbed the Douche Knights breastplate and very noisily dragged the man across town. He knew the Church as soon as he saw it. It was big and kind of gaudy, which seemed to be the theme for those places. Of course, the two dozen guards arrayed in front of the entrance to the Church were also a subtle clue hed found his destination. Bravely leading from behind was a guy who gave off priest vibes to Terry. The priest thrust a finger at him. We will strike you down for this heresy. Terry nodded and then lifted the still-unconscious knight. He held the man in front of him like a shield. Okay, said Terry. Im ready to be smote. Called down your hypocrisy lightning on me! Or do you prefer sanctimony brimstone? Either way, Im ready. You mock our faith! So, no hypocrisy lightning? Well, thats disappointing. Here. Catch. Terry spun to get a bit of momentum and threw the knight at the church entrance. The guards scattered. The priest screamed, actually screamed, in terror and dropped to the ground. As for the airborne knight Terry stopped and thought about that. That would be kind of cool, thought Terry. The Airborne Knights. No, that sounds seriously badass. Like a medieval SAS. While Terry was thinking about knights parachuting off of dragons with automatic weapons, the Douche Knight hit the doors of the church and just kept going. Terry heard some vague shouting and crashing from inside the building. Damn. I need to stop throwing people into places where I cant see. Im going to kill some bystander one of these days. Taking advantage of the confusion, Terry walked over to the priest. He planted a foot in the middle of the mans back and drove him flat to the ground. He glared around at the guards who looked like they couldnt figure out what to do. Leave, he commanded. I wont ask twice. He must have sold it because they left. Terry crouched next to the priest. He was about to say something when Dusk decided to make her presence known. She had remained curled up inside his robes for the entire debacle with the church people. Terry suspected shed slept through most of the excitement. Now, though, she poked her head out, looked around, and then leapt onto the priests back. The man let out another manful scream of terror at the minuscule pressure. Terry watched with some amusement as Dusk briefly wandered around on the mans back before hopping down to the ground. She circled around the priests head until she could see his face. She studied him with her adorable little kitten face, and then she hissed at the priest. He tried to recoil. Terrys hand slammed into the mans back and drove him flat again. You know, said Terry. Ive been trying really hard to stay out of your Churchs way. I dont like hurting people. I like killing people even less. I came south because I didnt want to fight a war. But youre making it very hard for me. You keep sending people to kill me. Most people take that kind of thing personally. You murdered a priest of the church. There is no forgiveness for that. You mean that rapist? Yes. I killed him because theres nothing else to do with people like that. You should be thanking me. As for that whole no forgiveness thing, is that the hill you want to die on? Really? Dusk made her thoughts known by raking her claws across the mans nose. Foul creature! shouted the man. He tried to take a swipe at the kitten. An action that ended with Terrys fist crashing down on the mans hand like a hammer. There was a lot of shouting and crying after that. Youre going to send a message to your superiors for me. I just want to be left alone. Thats it. If that seems unworkable to you, well, Terry pulled out his shiny new Adventurers Guild credentials and showed them to the priest. Rank two, whispered the man. Yeah. You can either leave me alone, or Im going to start truly living by rule number two. Whats rule number two? asked the priest. Human life has no value. Its not how I want it to be, but Im tired of looking over my shoulder for you people. Leave me alone, and Ill extend you the same courtesy. With that, Terry picked up Dusk and walked away. Man, I hope that works. Chapter 50 – While the Getting Is Good Terry ended up walking past the market on his way to leave town only to find Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban there looking around with vaguely horrified expressions on their faces. He walked up behind them and tried to figure out what they were looking at. The market looked more or less the way hed left it. Given that rumors moved faster than the speed of light, they had to know what hed done. After he got bored of waiting for them to notice him, he finally spoke up. Whats so interesting? he asked. All three turned to give him one of those looks. He looked back at them. What? he asked. You did all of this? asked Haresh. Of course, I didnt. Those Church guys did more damage than I did. That answer didnt seem to make any of them feel better about the situation. He didnt know why they were so worked up about all of it. It wasnt like they attacked anyone. Maybe theyre worried about the whole guilt-by-association thing, mused Terry. Come to think of it, thats probably a fair concern. Not that I can do much about it. If the Church decided that anyone associated with him was fair game, well, it would mostly be proof of their rampant dickishness. It would also play to the whole corrupt church thing. The more Terry thought about it, the more he started to realize that just wandering off and leaving them to their own devices would be proof of his own rampant dickishness. They certainly hadnt done anything to deserve having his enemies targeting them. Of course, the relationship between deserve and receive was often pretty tangential. He struggled for a few moments as he tried to figure out what if any responsibility he had in regard to their safety. When that didnt yield any firm results, he turned to a better metric. How shitty will I feel if I do just walk away, and they get killed by the Douche Knight or some other Church lackey? He wasnt shocked to discover that the answer was pretty goddamned shitty. That would prove a severe impediment to Terrys overall quality of life. After all, he had never found guilt to be a good seasoning for anything. Hed need to keep them around until they got strong enough to handle someone with rank three strength, which was about where hed put the squared-jawed asshat he''d just thrown through solid doors. We should go, said Terry. Unless you want to hang around to see if the Church isnt going to target you. Your choice. He figured that was one way to absolve himself of any real responsibility. If they decided not to go with him, whatever came after that was truly beyond his power to influence. Terry recognized that thinking for the moral sleight-of-hand that it was. However, that didnt make it fundamentally untrue. People did need to take some responsibility for their own safety. He did feel that free will should have at least some say in peoples decisions, assuming that their decisions didnt involve threats to other peoples lives. If they wandered off and got themselves deaded up, hed probably still feel guilty. It would be a lesser guilt. A more manageable guilt. Less pushing an old woman into traffic guilt and more grossly misrepresenting his earnings at tax time guilt. Wow, self, that was some politician-level manipulation of the facts. You should probably be ashamed of yourself. Why were you fighting with people from the church? Did you kill any of them? demanded Ekori. They started it. I was just minding my own business and buying a hat. The next thing I know, those asshats started firing crossbows at me. And, yes. Of course, I killed some of them. When was the last time that you didnt have a fight to the death with people who shot crossbows and arrows at you? To say nothing of having a Douche Knight attack you. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. Whats a douche? asked Jaban. That question brought Terry up short. He definitely didnt want to explain what it actually was. Ill tell you when youre older, said Terry. You fought a knight? asked Haresh. Fought is probably a strong word for it. I hit him with some rocks. Is he alive? asked a pale Haresh. Terry shrugged. I dont know. Maybe. Lets say that I dont know that hes dead and leave it at that. This is bad, whispered Ekori. This is so bad. Bad! shouted Jaban. Try catastrophic! Okay, said Terry, I can see that you all have strong feelings about this, and I totally respect that. But if we could walk while you have your panic attacks, that would be good. Multitasking and all that. What are you babbling about? demanded Ekori. Im saying that whatever you ultimately decide to do, standing around isnt going to turn out well for any of us. Well, it probably wont. I guess that depends on how seriously they take my threats. What threats? asked Jaban. Violence. Property damage. Mutual destruction. I didnt get into much detail. It was just your standard-issue kind of threat. Leave me alone or else. You know what I mean. Were all dead, said Haresh. Not right now, we arent, answered Terry, which is why we need to go. Theyre not in any shape to follow us at the moment. So, lets get going while the getting is good. Chop, chop, people. Daylights burning. It took a couple more minutes of encouraging the shellshocked adventurers, but they did ultimately stagger into motion. He did need to keep riding herd of them to keep them moving, but he decided that only needed to last until they got their bearings back. He could let them make a real decision about what to do after they recovered their equilibrium and were less likely to be killed on sight immediately when Church people saw them. It wasnt an ideal solution, but it was definitely better than the stand around in one place and wait for vengeance to descend strategy they had seemed ready to deploy. Their reactions shocked him a little given how prone to violence everyone else seemed to be. Hed have thought that a run-away-and-look-for-an-advantage-later strategy would be hardwired into every brain in this stupid new world. It seemed like evolution would have bred that instinct into the survivors. Then again, those crossbow people and archers had kept firing even after it was painfully obvious that he was going to win. Hed thought that they were just running a delaying action to give the Douche Knight time to show up. He hadnt considered the possibility that they were all just stupid. Of course, he had imported his ideas about evolution from an entirely different world. Maybe all the magic in the air had short-circuited standard evolution for some alternate path. Maybe people here only passed on traits that made them act like grandstanding jackasses. While Terry toyed with that idea for a while, he kept urging the other adventurers to keep moving. One by one, they got their heads on straight again. Haresh was first. That was good because it reduced the leadership load on Terry. Haresh could take on the lions share of keeping Ekori and Jaban moving at a brisk pace. That let Terry focus on things like watching out for monsters and killing anything that showed up. While a few things started to appear after they put some distance between themselves and the town, he didnt even try to get the other adventurers to kill them. They didnt have time for Jaban to be himself during a fight. They needed any obstacles to die and as quickly as possible. The upside was that it let Terry slap a few more things to death. He worried that it might not be entirely healthy to channel his angst that way, but that it was probably better than day drinking or becoming a finance bro. Some fates were best avoided. It was only at the end of the day when they were setting up camp that the conversation that Terry had been expecting finally manifested. I think you need to tell us everything, said Haresh. If youve brought the Churchs wrath down on us, we need to know. Terry considered that before he nodded. I guess you better settle in and charge your suspension of disbelief, said Terry. This will take a while. Suspension of disbelief? asked Ekori. Its a kind of bridge, replied Terry. Chapter 51 – Captain Good News Terry still found himself debating about exactly how much to tell them, but they were right. They did need to know and there probably wasnt a safer group to which he could reveal his true origins. So, he took a deep breath and started with what was probably the most relevant piece of information. I dont come from this world. I was summoned here, he said in a rush. Then, he waited for some kind of outburst or shock or something. Instead, the three just looked at him. He frowned at them. None of you seem surprised by that. Why would we be? asked Haresh. This was not what Terry had expected. Not at all. Hed spent so much time being worried about how people would react and that hed be hunted for being an outsider. Bland indifference hadnt even made his top hundred probable responses. Well, if someone claimed to be from another planet or universe on my world, it wouldnt go well for them. Minimally, it would be assumed they had some manner of mental disorder. If someone believed, theyd likely wind up in some government facility being interrogated and or dissected. What? asked Ekori. Why would that happen? Because people dont randomly appear on my world from other universes. Sounds boring, observed Jaban. Or rural, said Ekori. Is your world in some cosmic hinterland? How would I even know about that? asked Terry. We dont have magic on my world. If we have gods, they dont show themselves. Were a technological society. Only an exceedingly few people have ever traveled beyond the atmosphere of our world, and only under very tightly controlled conditions. Definitely the hinterlands, said Ekori. Terry shot her a look, but he could amusement in her eyes. How is none of this a bigger deal to all of you? he demanded. People get summoned here from other worlds all the time. At least, youre human, said Haresh. Didnt the people who summoned you explain anything? No! All they told me was that I was some prophesied hero and that they wanted me to go fight a war against an army of evil. At that point, I got the fuck away from them as fast as I could. Wait. Are you saying that non-human people get summoned here? Oh yeah, said Haresh. All kinds of weird people. I met one who was some kind of blob of translucent goo. Terry tried to picture that briefly before shaking it off. Why would anyone summon something like that? I dont know exactly how people are summoned, but Im given to understand that theres an element of randomness involved. So, let me see if Ive got this straight. People on this world make a habit of summoning people from other worlds, but they dont know what theyre going to get when they do it? Yeah, that sounds about right, agreed Jaban. Does that sound even remotely reasonable to any of you? Ekori, Jaban, and Haresh traded glances and shrugs. Well, said Haresh, I wouldnt call it reasonable, but its not like were personally summoning people. Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Nice dodge, said Terry giving the other man a hard look. It might be a dodge, but it is still true. Maybe, but its still a dodge, said Terry when something occurred to him. Wait, if its random, how could the stupidly pretty people know that I was their prophesied savior. Oh, they definitely didnt know that, said Ekori. And they were going to send me to fight anyway because I might be the right guy? Probably, said Ekori. I hate this place so much, grumbled Terry. Its not completely random, as I understand it, said Haresh. Rather, its that the person who shows up loosely fits within a range of expected qualities. Such as bravery, talent, and capacity for magic. Just look at you. What about me? asked a wary Terry. Youve been here less than two months and look at how strong you are. I dont know how much magic you have at your disposal, but your physical power is extraordinary. You wouldnt be enjoying that kind of strength if you didnt have the potential to be the cultivators prophesied savior. I never said they were cultivators. You said stupidly pretty people, offered Ekori. That generally means cultivators. Youre stupidly pretty, too. Are you a cultivator? I am not, she admitted even if she looked a little too pleased with herself. But if youre identifying an entire group that way Yeah, fine. I meant the cultivators, said Terry. But seriously, this is all even more fucked up than I thought it was, and I thought this was all monumentally fucked. Do none of you see that? Its just how things are, said Haresh with a bit of sympathy in his tone. Im not saying its right, but its also something that no one can stop. The methods and rituals are known. So, the genies out of the bottle. Genie? asked Jaban. Its a legend on my world. Magical beings who grant wishes, except youd have to be a moron to go in for it. The wishes never, ever, ever work out for the person making them. Genies are trapped in bottles or maybe live in them. Im a bit hazy on how that part works. I think I see your meaning, said Ekori. I dont, complained Jaban. Hes saying that as long as the genie stays in the bottle, the evil stays in the bottle. If the genie gets out, the evil gets out. The rituals are the evil, and theyre already in the world. Theres no containing them. Well, not without a lot of bloodshed, said Haresh. That drew looks from everyone. The older adventurer shifted uncomfortably. What? he asked. I didnt say anyone should go out and try to repress the knowledge. I just said it would take a lot of bloodshed. And it wouldnt work anyway, said Terry. Why not? asked Jaban. Because theres always a lost library or a secret sage or a hidden master that still possesses the knowledge. And if there isnt, this stupid place would probably make it happen. The summonings might slow down for a while, but then the knowledge would get out again. Wed be right back to square one, except wed have a lot of blood on our hands for nothing. Well, that was cheerful, said Ekori. Alright. Weve established that people here are terrible We have? asked Haresh. You summon people here against their will and send them off to die, answered Terry. It does sound bad when you say it like that. It doesnt just sound bad, Haresh. So, people here are terrible, but there is a much more important issue that I want to deal with. How do I go home? A silence that Terry immediately recognized as both uncomfortable and significant descended over the group. It was so abrupt and profound that Dusk crawled out of Terrys robes and looked around at everyone. He liked to imagine that she was giving them a dour look, although he suspected she was just curious about what had changed. For that matter, he was rather curious about what had changed, even though he was about ninety-nine point nine percent sure he knew what was coming. And he did not like it. He gave the other three increasingly impatient looks as they hemmed, hawed, and refused to make eye contact with him, which only served to reinforce his suspicion. When it got to the point that he was ready to start yelling at people, Ekori found her spine. You cant, she said. I cant, or you dont know how to send me home? asked Terry in a frost-rimed tone. Cant. Ive always been told that the transportation process is one way. To my knowledge, no one has ever returned to their home world after being summoned here. Terry closed his eyes and made himself take deep breaths. What shed told him wasnt absolute. She had used phrases like to my knowledge and Ive always been told. Still, if returning people to their homes was as common as summoning them, he suspected they would know about it. But you said you come from a world without magic. Why would you want to go back? asked Jaban. The question wasnt a jibe. The young man was clearly baffled. Even so, it set Terrys teeth on edge. Do you know how many times I had to fight for my life on my world? demanded Terry before carrying on. Zero. Zero goddamn times. Would I trade magic for that kind of safety? You bet your ass I would. But since that is apparently impossible, Im back to Plan A. Go south. You know the Church has a presence in the south, right? asked Haresh. Well, thank you for that, Captain Good News. Chapter 52 – History With his deepest secret in the open, Terry got a much more thorough, if wildly haphazard, education about the place where hed landed. He also recognized that most of the information would have slipped from his grasp if he hadnt gotten some kind of brain upgrade since arriving. Not that Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban were trying to be confusing. They were always good about answering his questions, but they were also people. They tended to wander off of their points, get lost in the details of things they knew well, or assume that he knew things he had no possible way of knowing. Facts that they considered common knowledge were wholly mysterious to him. For example, the north was considered cultivator territory almost exclusively. The nations and cultures there werent quite xenophobic, but they did not encourage visitors. Of course, that information in isolation didnt mean much to Terry. It was like saying French people ate French cuisine. While it had the patina of truthfulness to it, there was a lot to unpack there that didnt come across with a blanket statement they didnt like people from other places. Why didnt they like people from other places? Was it because they werent cultivators? Was there a war in the past? Was it the reliable old standard of supremacist thinking? Were they all just dicks? Although, it did shed some light on why more people from the South werent racing north to join the war. The kingdoms in the south had been informed with excruciating politeness that their assistance was not required. Translation: Keep the fuck out and mind your own business. It also helped to explain why the stupidly pretty people hadnt made more of an effort to find him after his rabbit act. The city where hed been summoned was basically the southernmost city that the cultivators controlled. When hed fled the city, hed effectively fled the country. He wouldnt have put it past them to send people to look for him. But they couldnt have done it in force without drawing a lot of unwanted attention on him and themselves. Not that hed done much to keep out of the spotlight, however unintentional some of it had been. The downside was that hed fled from the one place where the Church had exactly zero authority and no presence. It turned out that there had been a war, a holy war, thousands of years ago between the Church and the cultivators. That was how the Church described it anyway. The cultivators hadnt gone in for anything as gauche as a mass invasion. They werent going to war with the South, after all, no matter what the Church had been hoping. The cultivators had, with more of that excruciating politeness, informed the southern kingdoms that they were going to be engaging in hostile activities against the Church. They would take every precaution to avoid engaging civilians and the southern armies unless they were interfered with. Translation: Were going to kill some folks. Stay the fuck out of our way and mind your own business. The southern kingdoms werent stupid. There might be a war going on, but it wasnt their war. They had uniformly ignored it when small bands of cultivators crossed their border. Ekori was particularly knowledgeable about that particular period in her worlds history. There are legends about how the cultivators treated civilians during that conflict, said Ekori, enthusiasm glinting in her eyes. What kind of legends? asked Terry. Oh, that they would always ask any civilians to leave the area, very politely and gently. Supposedly, They were especially considerate toward the elderly. They would often personally escort them to safety. The cultivators took it very seriously and retaliated with towering fury if those efforts were thwarted in any way. Towering fury? What does that mean? Well, mind you, this was all a long time ago. But there were reports of Church knights who did things that endangered those who were being escorted away. The cultivators, she went a little pale and swallowed hard, made examples of them. Terry was half-tempted to ask for details, but if the descriptions the young woman had read were enough to provoke that kind of response, hed just look for a library somewhere. The big takeaway was that with zero support from the local governments and such good PR for the cultivators with the public, the Church had not come out on the winning side of that conflict. They had been all but wiped out in a handful of kingdoms and driven back to the very gates of their holy city by a comparative handful of people. The cultivators hadnt beaten the Church. They had crushed it almost effortlessly. It did make Terry wonder what kind of god was backing the religious organization if some magical ninjas had routed it so effectively. This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. Since then, every single effort by the Church to get a foothold in the North had failed utterly. Some people were turned back at the borders. Some people just disappeared. Some people had been converted. Those apostates earned a special hatred from the Church leadership, who put out absurd bounties on their heads. The warriors and adventurers who went north looking to collect on those bounties never returned. Or rather, most of them didnt return. Their heads were sent back. That was hardcore message sending if Terry had ever heard it. He could even appreciate just how cocksure people had to be to do something like that. In the intervening centuries, the cultivators and the Church had achieved something between a cold war and a dtente, but Terry got the impression that it could flare back up without much prompting. The difference was that the Church leadership seemed to think they had a better chance this time. Why do they think that? asked Terry. Haresh shrugged and said, There are all kinds of rumors. Everything from their god making a personal appearance to some kind of new weapon. You dont sound convinced. Im not, said Haresh. I think that its mostly talk. If they really did have that kind of advantage, theyd have tried to use it by now. I think time has made them think that their predecessors were weak or stupid or just unlucky. But you dont think that? I think that governments are often stupid. And the Church leaders are, for all intents and purposes, a government. Its easy to look at something that happened that long ago and make wrong assumptions about the people involved or to think that it would have been different if you were there. Its also easy to think that youre stronger or more skilled than you are. Nobody looked directly at Jaban, but Terry saw the color rise in the young mans cheeks. So, you dont think the outcome would be different if they started a war now? I think that weve never seen the cultivators go to war, said Haresh. But Ive seen you fight. If they sent even a hundred people like you and a handful who were stronger, it wouldnt be a fight. It would be an execution. It might take a little while, but I suspect that thered be nothing left of the Church if the cultivators ever decided to get serious about it. What if the kingdoms decided to get involved? Or the Adventurers Guild? Who can say about the kingdoms? As for the Adventurers Guild, why would they? Theres no profit in picking a fight with people like you. Profit, said Terry thoughtfully. So, its a strictly business venture? Its not quite that bad, but adventurers become adventurers primarily to fight monsters not people. Every once in a while, youll see a contract that targets a person, but they have to be pretty damned evil for the guild to post a contract like that. For every one of those that you see, youll see hundreds or even thousands of monster-hunting contracts. Let me ask you something. If you had the choice between hunting some monster or hunting a person, which would you pick? The monster, said Terry without any hesitation. Hed made his accommodations with killing the beasts that prowled the forests. He avoided killing people if he could. It wasnt always possible, but he hated how it made him feel. If I have a choice, why choose to feel like a deep-fried shitburger when I can go slap a man-goat thing to death? Thats how most adventurers feel about it, said Haresh. When it comes to politics, the guild usually keeps out of it. Terry raised an eyebrow at that. Hed never been one to track political happenings, but he remembered plenty of scandals around big businesses paying off politicians in one way or another back on his world. He had a hard time imagining something as big and widespread as the Adventurers Guild not looking to at least rent a noble every now if they werent going to buy them outright. Haresh nodded in acknowledgment of Terrys skepticism. Im not going to say that they never get involved. There are factions in the guild. Some want to take a more active hand, while others want to keep clear of it. Thats going to be a headache for you now. What? Why asked an alarmed Terry. Because youre rank two, said Jaban like he was stating something really obvious to someone really stupid. Like it or not, youre an important player in the guild now. Terry gave the young man a flat look and said, You can add that bullshit to the list of reasons I wanted to stay a rank three. Chapter 53 – Miner’s Mark With the prospect of Adventurers Guild assholes looking for him to join their factions, Terry became even more invested in getting south and finding somewhere to hole up. The grim specter of politics and the ongoing threat of the Church were things he did not want to face until he had a home base to work from. He grilled the other three adventurers about the places theyd been, which they liked best, and why. Well, he grilled Ekori and Haresh. He nodded and thought about other things when Jaban tried to tell him about the places he liked best. Terry had a pretty good sense of the young mans priorities and where they could be located on a womans body. Terry did not share those priorities. He was much more interested in survival than that. He also had no desire to take up residence in a city. The guild would have a much bigger presence in any city, which meant there would be more internal politicking going on. Best to just steer clear. He wasnt certain that picking a place to stay was ultimately the best decision but constant wandering struck him as a losing proposition. There was just too much opportunity to bump into the Douche Knight or someone exactly like him, to say nothing of more nobles looking for things from him. He still wasnt sure what those nobles had been after from him, but he was sure he didnt want any part of it. Those kinds of rich people didnt have friends like him. They were too entitled and in love with themselves for that. Anything they might do for him would come with a lot of strings attached. He never wanted to be in a position to owe people like that a favor. When they called that favor due, it wouldnt be for something benign. He also didnt think hed get the option to choose not to accept the mission. He wasnt Ethan Hunt, after all. Finding somewhere to stay would provide advantages. If he picked the right place, he could minimize contact with church people. Avoiding the Adventurers Guild entirely was probably out of the question, at least in the short term, since money was a requirement for most things in this world. Damn my pesky need to eat. While he could probably maintain a steady supply of meat to eat through hunting monsters, that still did nothing to provide him with fruits and vegetables. There was certainly no sign of information about farming in his head. Of course, there isnt because that might have actually been helpful in letting me avoid life-and-death violence. Not that his opinion about his own personality had changed enough to believe hed make a good farmer, but options were nice. In the end, he just asked them to take him to a place that Ekori and Haresh agreed was a relatively pleasant, middling-sized town called Miners Mark. Why is it called that? Terry asked, not entirely certain he wanted an answer. Is there a mine there or something? Terry had heard terrible stories about what coal mining towns were like back in the day. Granted, he wasnt certain which day that had been. He might have been thinking about something he read that dated back to 1859 or 1459. History wasnt his forte, but he did remember thinking that it was terrible. If this town was like those vaguely historical towns, he wasnt sure he wanted to go there regardless of whether the others thought it was a nice place. Then again, he might have been half-remembering something he''d seen in a movie. His memories since arriving in Chinese Period Drama Hell were as sharp as an image off of a 4K TV, which was a mixed blessing at best. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Everything from his old life was grainy and out of focus, like things recorded onto a VHS tape off of a TV in the eighties. He remembered watching some stuff like that as a young boy at some old persons house. He didnt think it was a grandparents house because he was pretty sure hed never met any grandparents, but he was sure hed seen it. Or, maybe that had been in a movie too. He honestly wasnt sure and memory was a shaky thing in his old world. Hed read about something called the Mandela Effect where huge groups of people remembered things that had never happened, up to and including movies that never existed. Maybe Im remembering things from a movie that never actually got made, he mused. Haresh eyed Ekori and said, I never asked about the towns name. You? I didnt either, she answered with a one-shouldered shrug. Why? Just thought that there might be an interesting story to it. Or maybe a really boring one, said Terry. Itll be boring, complained Jaban. Why do you say that? asked Terry. Because Ive been there. Its a boring place. You mean that you couldnt find a woman there stupid enough to fall for what passes as your charms, teased Ekori. That set off a round of bickering that Terry mostly tuned out. In fact, he tuned out a lot of things over the next couple of weeks. He wasnt trying to be rude, but there was only so much familial banter he could stand before it started making him angry. Hed never get the chance to do that kind of bantering with anyone. It required too much history, too much shared experience, and hed never been that close with his own sister or anyone else for that matter. Being trapped on another world or in another universe pretty much guaranteed that hed never get that chance. Not unless there was some kind of magical cell phone that could ignore things like vast cosmic distances and didnt have roaming charges. He shuddered to imagine the bill for that interstellar phone call. It still cost an arm and a leg to make transatlantic calls. Inter-universal calls were probably billed in human souls or firstborn children or some other thing that would make his skin crawl. Not that the trip was all bad. He did get more free entertainment from watching Jaban and Ekori train. Despite all of the very good advice that Haresh was bestowing and Jabans seeming acceptance of that advice, the young man had the memory of a goldfish. As soon as the fighting started, he was right back to trying to play the hero. Terry stepped in a few times to make sure that Ekori didnt get hurt thanks to her idiot brothers showboating. Strangely, he and Haresh both seemed to lose a step when they had to intervene on Jabans behalf. That intermittent slowness on their part meant Jaban was sporting bruises most of the way to Miners Mark. Terry did still end up killing enough things that head sack would need another washing after a visit to an Adventurers Guild Hall. There it is, said Haresh over a shoulder. Terry had been studying a flower that Ekori said had medicinal properties. He tucked it away for later examination and focused on where Haresh was pointing. Nestled next to a river was a town. It was a bit bigger than hed imagined it would be, but not by too much. The farms situated outside the town walls made it look deceptively bigger. Still, he didnt see anything that automatically made him want to leave. It gave off a peaceful vibe. This might be my new home, thought Terry. That thought made him immediately start looking around. If he was going to get jumped by some awful, Lovecraftian monster determined to make a Terry kabob, this was the moment when it would happen. What are you looking for? asked Ekori. Cthulhu, said Terry. Is that a plant? she asked in perfect innocence as she peered at the nearby forest. Terry resisted the urge to laugh. Probably not, he said before gesturing down the road. Come on. Lets go see if this place lives up to your descriptions. Chapter 54 – Awkward You cant come into the town, said Terry for the tenth time. Drumstick made pitiful squawk-roars and gave Terry what hed come to recognize as its version of sad eyes. Dusk was not helping things as she sat on Terrys shoulder and gave the enormous chicken-lizard a smug look. He also did his best not to look at Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban. They were at least doing their best not to laugh out loud, but he kind of missed the days when they were afraid of Drumstick. That had been drained from them by Dusks intermittent bouts of dominance over a creature that, relatively speaking, was the size of a mountain to her. Not laughing out loud did nothing to hide the amusement on their faces as Terry tried to wrangle the unhappy Drumstick. Look, said Terry in his most reasonable voice. I know youre not dangerous, and they, he waved a hand at the other adventurers, know that youre not dangerous. But youll scare the people living in town. You dont want to scare innocent people, do you? Drumstick made a sullen noise that Terry interpreted to mean no. Progress at last, he thought. Good. Plus, there might be adventurers in that town who wont know you arent going to hurt anyone. They might chase you or even attack you. I dont want that to happen. Im sure that you dont want that to happen. Do you? Drumstick made another noise that Terry was forced to interpret as a no, although it had a much more fearful quality to it. How in the hell did this become my life? Reasoning with a fifteen-foot chicken-lizard? Thats some shit that never even made the top one thousand possibilities for my bucket list. Still, he walked over and patted one of the big, scaly wings that Drumstick had instead of arms or front legs. Just hang out in the forest and let me check things out in town. If it looks okay, Ill find us somewhere to stay that you can go too. Alright? Drumsticks head hung in a defeated way. A wholly unintelligible noise issued from its enormous beak. I guess thats agreement. I hope so anyway. Head still hanging, Drumstick trudged off into the forest. Terry felt vaguely bad about excluding the monster, but the threats of the chicken-lizard inducing panic or getting itself killed by some local adventurers were real. Well, maybe not the threat of getting killed. Drumstick would just run away if someone attacked, but some injuries might be possible. Given the number of cores and monster corpses it had devoured, the chicken-lizard was probably powerful enough to give most rank three adventurer teams a run for their money. Of course, that was just guesswork. For all Terry knew, Drumstick could take him in a fight. Except, that would involve actual fighting, which just didnt seem to be a life goal for the absurdly large thing. Terry turned to rejoin the other adventurers and found Haresh determinedly staring in another direction, while Ekori had her hands clapped over her mouth. Jaban wore a huge, amused grin. Terry mustered as much dignity as he could, which wasnt much, and marched past them toward the town. He tried very hard not to think about how ridiculous he must have looked bargaining with Drumstick. He also tried not to think about why hed bargained. He didnt want to feel responsible for the chicken-lizard but the stupid thing was just so helpless. He honestly thought it might starve if he ever sent it away. Arriving at the town was entirely painless. The guards just said hello and waved them through. As they moved through the streets, it was everything he could do to not feel suspicious of everything he was seeing. People were being They were being nice to each other. This cant be for real, thought Terry. Ill test it. He picked a man at random and walked up to him. Good afternoon, said Terry. The man stopped and smiled. Good afternoon to you, young man, said the random stranger. Can I help you with something? Terry hadnt thought things through. Or rather, hed thought through how he would handle it when this random encounter went violently wrong. He hadnt even considered what hed do if the guy turned out to be a decent human being. It just hadnt occurred to him. Man, I never used to be this cynical. Shit. I need to say something. The other man was looking at him with a mix of curiosity and mild concern. Terry racked his brain for some mundane thing a traveler might need to know. He spouted the first thing that came to mind. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. Um Can you tell me if theres an Adventurers Guild Hall in town? Oh sure, said the man, his face brightening into a smile. Terry nodded along as the man gave him directions to the guild hall and thanked him. Okay, that didnt go the way I thought it would, but it was just one guy. For the next hour, Terry randomly stopped people to ask them mundane questions about where to find things, wandered in and out of shops, and generally made a mild nuisance of himself. While not everyone was as blindingly cheerful as that first guy, everyone was patient and polite. Even the surly-looking elderly woman answered his questions. She was a bit waspish about it, but he saw that she was that way with pretty much everyone who crossed her path. He was surprised to learn that the Church didnt have a church building in the town. In fact, he saw no evidence of them having a presence there at all. He desperately wanted to ask why, but he knew that religion was a touchy subject. Digging into the reasons why a town would or wouldnt have a church was a great way to wear out his welcome in a hurry. He eventually found his way to the Adventurers Guild Hall. Haresh was sitting at a table and chatting with a man who looked well into his middle years. Ekori was looking at the contract wall that only held a few loose pieces of paper, some of which looked to have been up there for a while. Jaban was standing at the bar and talking at the woman behind it. She was pretty in a girl-next-door kind of way. She also wore a brittle smile but seemed to be putting a lot of effort into not being offensive. Terry shook his head and went over to save the woman from Jabans unwanted attention. He clapped a hand on the young mans shoulder, which caused Jaban to falter in the middle of some story that no doubt made him out to be a hero. Well, Im sure that was all very interesting, but I do have some business to conduct, said Terry. I can wait, said Jaban. I expect itll take a while, said Terry. Jaban shot him a look that even Terry recognized. It was a look that countless men in countless bars and clubs had given each other back in Terrys old world. It was a look that said, Dude, Im working my magic here. Terry gave him a sympathetic look and slowly shook his head. It was another thing that had passed between countless men in countless gin joints. It said, Dude, its never going to happen even if you stand here flapping your gums for the next five hundred years. Shes just not into you. Jabans eyes narrowed before he glanced at the woman, finally seemed to see the strained smile, and deflated. Yeah, okay, said the young man and walked away. The woman behind the counter exhaled a relieved breath. Thank you, she said. No problem. Hes Terry hesitated, unsure how to describe Jaban. Well, hes young. Terry felt kind of hypocritical saying those words given that he wasnt that much older, but he supposed they were probably important years. Did you actually have business to conduct or were you just being nice? she asked. Terry realized hed been standing there in silent contemplation for long enough that it was probably getting awkward. Then, he saw that the woman was smiling at him, a real-looking smile, and twirling a bit of hair around a finger. His lack of social competence was coming back to bite him. He thought hed read something about those being telltale signs that someone was into you, but he wasnt sure. He fell back on a sure thing. Oh, yeah, I do actually, he said, setting head sack on the counter and pulling out his guild identification. He realized that hed forgotten that it was a rank two badge when the womans eyes went wide. Well, crap. I bet this is about to get really awkward. He watched her do that verification magic they did, and her eyes went even wider. Rank two, she whispered in awe. Ive never even seen one of these before. Yeah. Rank two. Thats me, said Terry in a limp voice that the woman didnt seem to register. I cant believe it, she said. A rank two. A real rank two. Id appreciate it if you didnt spread that around, said Terry in what he expected was a vain attempt at minimizing the damage. The woman looked from the badge to him and back again several times. She opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Closed it again. Then, she thrust her hand over the counter so fast that Terry took a wary step back, a little afraid she was going to attack him. Analina Terrick, she said. He regarded the hand for a few seconds. A little reluctantly, he took the hand. Terry, he said. She started shaking his hand and just kept shaking it. Its such an honor to meet a real rank two. I cannot tell you how long Ive waited to meet someone like you. Have you killed a lot of powerful monsters? How did you get so strong? Can you teach people to get that strong? The questions just kept coming, and Analina never paused long enough for him to answer. She also just kept shaking his hand. He looked down at his trapped extremity. Yep, this is definitely awkward. He glanced over his shoulder to see Jaban glaring at him from across the room. So awkward. Chapter 55 – Of Course, It’s Cursed And that was when Master Marrek told me that I was never going to be a good adventurer, but that I would make an excellent administrator, said Analina in a rush that had been going on for the better part of thirty minutes. I thought that was really strange since most administrators at the Adventurers Guild are former adventurers with lots and lots and lots of experience. But I figured she knew what she was talking about, and then the position opened up at the guild here. Right where I grew up. I couldnt believe my luck! Terry nodded, grunted noises to indicate he was engaged with the conversation, and occasionally tried to pull his arm loose. That last effort was futile. Analina had looped her arm through his while he was a little distracted. Now, he couldnt figure out a way to get free without actually hurting the woman who just would not shut up. The situation was not improved by the hole that Jaban was trying to burn into the back of his head with his glare. Like its somehow my fault that she didnt think he was interesting or attractive. She wasnt interested long before I showed up. He was a lot less certain about her apparent interest in him. He had the sneaking suspicion that it had more to do with being dazzled by that rank two than by him. The only good thing was that she didnt seem to need him to make any word noises with his mouth parts. She was supplying plenty of those all by herself. He was even vaguely certain that he was to blame for this turn of events. He just hadnt expected his innocuous question to prompt the woman to abandon the guild hall to show him around like a real estate agent. Especially when he would have so preferred an actual real estate agent. I wonder if there are real estate agents in Chinese Period Drama Hell? He couldnt be sure that there werent any, but it did seem like the kind of job that could only exist with a degree of civilization and technological advancement that the place didnt seem to have. The town was well enough organized, but he rather doubted there was anything as formal as a county clerks office or whatever government office had that job in other countries. Maybe there was a local lord who kept track of that kind of thing but even that seemed questionable. As for the luck of the position opening up, Terry was quite certain that luck had exactly zero to do with that event. He would have put good money on the bet that Master Marrek, whoever the hell she was, had paid someone off or called in a favor to offload Analina. She was aggressively friendly but the verbal diarrhea would have driven a saint to violence. That bakery is a good place, said Analina with absolute confidence and a gesture to a storefront. The prices are fair, and the bread is always fresh that day. The other bakery we passed earlier makes more kinds of breads and pastries, but they really charge too much for them. Little tidbits of useful advice like that had been falling from the womans lips as they went, which meant that Terry couldnt just tune her out completely. Something he fervently wished to do. He gave his arm one last useless tug before he resigned himself to his fate. He had said he might be interested in buying a bit of land and wondered if there was any for sale nearby. Now, it seemed that Analina was going to show him some come hell or high water. Maybe come hell and high water. Even Dusk had abandoned him to take shelter with Ekori. A fact that seemed to please her. While Terry was less than impressed with the traitorous kitten, he couldnt actually bring himself to blame her. Hed have taken it if he could have found an easy escape route. Analina eventually led them out of a small gate on the western side of the town. It opened onto a small track that wasnt quite a road but seemed better traveled than a mere trail. They walked on that with Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban following along. Terry could occasionally hear Jaban muttering under his breath during those brief moments of quiet when Analina paused to take a breath, which seemed to happen far less often than it ought to given how much she was talking. Shed moved on from telling him about the shops in town to saying something about her mother taking up with the local potter. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Of course, I dont approve. The man is just so gloomy about everything. Hed never seen a thing in this life that he couldnt find something wrong with. If the sun is out, its too bright. If its raining, its too wet. The food is too hot. The tea is too cold. Honestly, I have no idea how that man stays in business with an attitude like that. I cant say any of that to my mother, though, because shes in love with him. At least, thats what she tells me. How anyone can love a man that dour is simply beyond my understanding. Dont you agree? she asked and gave him an expectant look. Oh, said Terry, caught wholly flatfooted by an actual question. I guess thats not I know! declared Analina like hed actually given an answer. Its all so very ridiculous. Itd be like loving a spine spider, but she wont hear a word of it. She carried on like that for another ten minutes before they emerged from a lightly wooded area. There were fields that had gone God damn it, whats that word? Fallow, thought Terry. The fields had gone fallow. There was a house there as well. It looked a bit weathered and a little neglected but otherwise intact. It was how he thought a house that hadnt been lived in for a while would look. Not that he particularly wanted to buy a farm, but he supposed that he didnt need to become a farmer. There was no law that said moving onto a farm required him to become a farmer. If the house was more or less intact inside, that would be enough for now. Assuming he could afford the place. See. Isnt this a nice little place? she asked. It seemed nice enough. Im not sure I can afford it, though, observed Terry. I expect you can. Its been abandoned for a while. I expect that you could get it for a few golds. Why is that? Is it cursed? joked Terry. Of course, its cursed. This close to the town, thats the only reason it isnt being used. But I dont expect that would be a problem for a rank two adventurer. And that also means that no one will complain if you buy it. Thats always important. You dont want to buy a place when itll cause a bunch of hard feelings. People hold that against you. You dont want the baker dropping your bread on the floor before they give it to you or something like that. Would they do that? asked Terry in alarm. Ive never seen them do it, but Ive heard rumors. Terry had heard stories about people in restaurants doing worse things than that to obnoxious customers, so it felt all too plausible to him. Still, he couldnt just ignore the whole cursed land thing. Hed have blown it off back in his world but in Chinese Period Drama HellIgnoring something like that sounded like a great way for something terrible to happen to him. Explain this curse to me, he said. I dont think its an actual curse. But the last person who owned this place kept talking about monsters destroying the crops and spirits walking the land at night. We even sent a couple of adventurers out here to check on things. And? asked Terry. And what? asked Analina. What did they find? Im not sure. They never came back, but they were rank four adventurers. I cant say Im surprised if they found something that they couldnt handle. Like I said, Im sure its nothing that would bother a rank two adventurer. Terry was feeling a lot less enthusiastic about this property now. He didnt want to have to clear out monsters just to have a place to live. On the other hand, she was probably right. Whatever was out there was, in all probability, something he could handle. And it was almost certain that he wasnt going to be able to find something else like it in a town he didnt hate on sight, assuming there was another town like that to be found anywhere on the face of this terrible world hed been trapped in by the stupidly pretty people. Terry reached up to massage his eyes with his free hand. He glanced back to the other adventurers. What do you think? he asked them. The three looked around. Jaban seemed deeply unimpressed. Ekori looked speculative. It was Haresh who finally said something. His words were unsurprisingly practical. Its not like youve got something better in the works. Terry thought that over before he turned his gaze on the brightly smiling Analina. So, exactly how much will this place cost? And is the inside of the house still intact? Im not going to pay as much if I have to rebuild that place from the ground up. Why dont we go inside and take a look? Then, Im sure we can figure out a price that works for everyone. Terry lifted an eyebrow at that. Exactly who owns this place? The guild. Of course, they do, sighed Terry. Chapter 56 – Home, Sweet Home Terry stood in the middle of an empty room and tried to wrap his head around the idea that he owned the place now. Hed come from a place where closing on a home routinely took a month or more. Hed gone from talking about the possibility of buying the place with Analina to home ownership in a couple of hours. He had asked her just how it was that the guild had come to own an abandoned farm. Oh, said Analina. Well, thats a pretty long story. Never mind, said Terry hurriedly. The very idea that a story existed that Analina considered to be a long one was a little unnerving. She had talked at length about things he didnt care about and seemed to consider that length of time normal. Hed had visions of himself sitting in a chair, drooling and barely sensate, while Analina yammered on for days at a time. He was also aware that she had charged him an absurdly trivial amount for the house and the land. Some of it was just his own sense of what money was worth in this world. In a place as medieval as this one was, though, good farmland would always come at a premium because yields would be so much smaller than back in his world. Food was simply worth more because of its relative scarcity. People couldnt even safely forage in the forests because of the monsters. If you werent an adventurer, it was probably suicide. He also knew hed gotten beyond dirt cheap because Haresh had told him so. All of which led him to the conclusion that whatever curse was on the place, it was serious enough that the local adventurers couldnt handle it. He also wasnt stupid. Having a rank two adventurer who lived locally and was therefore always handy would be a net boon to the guild. Giving him a good excuse to stay was to Analinas benefit. Thats an important thing to remember, self, thought Terry. Happy and pleasant doesnt mean stupid. Someone can be smart without being evil. Of course, no one knew exactly what the problem was. Everyone who had tried to make a go of it on the farm or investigate had either died or fled. So, he was going to have to face the problem blind, but at least he wouldnt have to deal with it alone. Theres no furniture, complained Jaban as he appeared from somewhere deeper inside the house. Terry leveled a flat look at the young man and said, Youre free to sleep outside or go pay for a room at the inn. Jaban seemed to realize that hed made one complaint too many within Terrys earshot. He lifted his hands in a placating gesture and plastered on a bright smile. It was just an observation. Something to take care of at some point. Thats all. Promise, said Jaban in a slightly squeaky voice. Very convincing, said Ekori. Its bigger than it looks from the outside. I wonder how many people lived here when it was first built? I didnt think to ask, said Terry. It looks sound enough, called Haresh from somewhere. Although, I guess we wont know if the roof is sound until the first time it rains. We? asked Terry in a cool voice. I dont recall anyone else volunteering their gold to pay for this place. Ekori gave him a surprised and mildly hurt look. Do you want us to leave? she asked. Nah, Terry snorted, unable to keep the mean face going. You can stay. Just dont get too enthusiastic about decorating. I should go pick a room, though. This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. Terry wandered through the place. The floors looked to be made of some kind of hardwood. He was forced to agree with Hareshs assessment that the construction was sound. The floors didnt squeak at all as he wandered from room to room. There wasnt much to see. Jaban hadnt been exaggerating. There was literally no loose furniture in the entire place. Even the kitchen had been cleaned out, which he realized was probably a blessing in disguise. Sure, there were no pots, pans, or dishes. Of course, there also wasnt any old rotten food to attract insects and other pests. At least there was still a little metal stove, which seemed a little too modern even if it did use wood. He shrugged it off. He couldnt expect technological development wouldnt be exactly parallel. A worrying idea did invade his mind as he opened the stove and looked inside. I wonder if the chimney is clear. Hes seen news reports of houses burning down because of things lodged in chimneys or just from chimneys that werent properly cleaned. He sort of understood why blockages would be bad, but he was hazier on the threat posed by poor cleaning. Was it some kind of residue? He just didnt know. That could be a serious problem, as he doubted there were chimney sweeps in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Even if there were, they probably didnt speak in terrible Cockney accents while doing dance numbers. I guess well just have to start a little fire and see what happens. It was something hed need to look into since wood was going to be the main source of heat and cooking for the place. The cold wasnt a dire threat to him the way it had once been, but he didnt like being cold any more than the next person. Terry finally claimed the biggest of what he assumed were the bedrooms, which mostly amounted to dropping his pack in a corner. He pulled Dusk out of his robes and set her on the floor. She began an immediate inspection of the space, which prompted what was probably the cutest sneezing fit hed ever seen. While she was doing that, he pulled out his few cooking implements, a bit of food, and some spices. He took those to the kitchen, intent on making some kind of food, only to realize that there wasnt any wood to so much as start a fire. God, I miss electricity. And natural gas. And plumbing. While he doubted there was anything to be done about those first two things, it also seemed like there were magical stand-ins for them or the old standby of dry wood. He was certain that there had to be a way to get some kind of primitive plumbing system in place, though. He just didnt have the know-how to do it himself. His understanding of plumbing and water systems in general boiled down to calling a plumber or putting in a maintenance request with the property management people who ran the various apartments hed rented. In retrospect, it made him feel a bit like an idiot. Even if hed just had a basic theoretical understanding of how plumbing worked, he could probably have worked something out as a solution. It might have been a pretty kludge solution, but hed have taken it if that meant showers and not needing to use an outhouse. Walking back out into what he considered the living room, he posed a question to the others. I dont suppose any of you noticed a well or a stream nearby, did you? I assume there must be something like that for fresh water, but I didnt see it. The other three shook their heads. Terry sighed. He supposed it wasnt a crisis today. The town wasnt that far away, and he did have mostly full waterskins. It would be fine for one or two days, but that was a problem that needed a solution sooner than later. With his improved constitution, he didnt think hed die if he didnt get water for a few days. That didnt make him eager to test the hypothesis. Since he didnt feel like going back to town to get food, and he wanted a hot meal, Terry trudged out of the front door. He looked around the immediate exterior of the house in the vain hope that there might be some firewood that a previous owner had left. He didnt find any. At least, I only need enough wood to cook dinner. With evening settling in, he walked toward the nearest patch of forest. He found some fallen branches that looked mostly dry. By the time hed collected a big armful of it, true darkness was settling over the area. He found himself eyeing the surrounding forest with a jaundiced eye as he started making his way back to the house. It probably wasnt late enough for any nocturnal predators, yet, but that didnt mean some beast with a wonky internal clock wasnt out there looking for an easy meal. For all his paranoia, nothing leapt out at him. He did get the sense that something was out there watching him. It wasnt close enough to trigger his physical senses or even that internal sense that warned him of imminent danger, but it still made the hair on the back of his neck feel a bit off. As long as it waits until tomorrow, I dont care. I just want to eat. Chapter 57 – Harmless It turned out that making a house that''s gone unoccupied for a while into something actually livable was more work than it looked like on the surface. Terry had assumed that it would just need a sweep and maybe a quick trip to the market to get whatever he needed. Oh, how wrong he was. The quick sweep turned into hours of scrubbing the floors to dislodge long-settled dust and dirt. Then waiting around for it to dry to see if hed missed any spots. I literally changed worlds, and did I get vast cosmic power? Well, okay, maybe a little bit, but I also have to be a janitor. That just doesnt seem right. The suckitude of being Truck-kuned to this place ought to get me a pass on any and all cleaning responsibilities. Yet, it seemed that home cleaning was another of those universal truths that transcended time, space, and fair play. Then, there was the problem of furniture. There were no Ikea stores in Chinese Period Drama Hell. There were no Walmarts, Big Lots, Lowes, or Home Depots. And there was still no internet. Absolutely anywhere Terry might have thought to buy furniture, even cheap furniture that he didnt intend to keep for very long, was a non-starter. While the others had proven themselves only intermittently helpful on the cleaning front, mostly from gross and unfeigned incompetence, they were more helpful in finding furniture. Ekori seemed to want to be actually helpful, while Jaban seemed to be looking for any excuse whatsoever go to back to town. Terry thought that the kid ought to recognize a lost cause when he saw one but to each their own. Even so, both of them managed to track down and buy some serviceable tables, chairs, and a storage cabinet or two. Terry had worried that they were going to come back with furniture that was situated close to the floor. Then, he realized that he was being really American and lumping all Asian cultures together since short furniture was mostly a Japanese thing. Fuck me, thought Terry. I think I just Asian Indexed this place. And this town is more like the movie version of some medieval British village. Is there an ignoring the obvious trope? Way for me to just embody some tropes like a jackass. He didnt know that invoking tropes was an entirely bad thing other than proving that his brain was broken in some important way. Still, he worried that even accidentally bringing a trope into his orbit was like inviting disaster. What if they acted like magnets and attracted each other? Theyd be swarming over his new home like a swarm of locusts and attracting madness in no time. Dear God, annoying nobles will start falling out of the sky. It took him quite a while to shake that particularly unsettling thought. Fortunately, he had errands of his own to run. He ventured over to the market and haunted the vaguely familiar stalls looking for some basic pots and pans. He found them, although he was bitterly disappointed to realize that pretty much every single one of them was cast iron. He didnt have anything against cast iron. It was great for some things, such as pizza and cornbread. Unfortunately, it wasnt great for everything. At least, it wasnt in his very limited experience. Terry was a child of triply stainless-steel cookware, which he considered the Jesus Christ of home cooking. There were very few things you couldnt scrub off of those pots and pans with a firm application of a stainless-steel scrubber. Cast iron, on the other hand, was the high-maintenance girlfriend of home cooking. You needed to be super careful with it. You werent supposed to use soap on it. It was all warm water, sponge baths, and whispering sweet nothings to it in the vain hope that it wouldnt lose its shit and claw out your metaphorical eyes. On top of that, he didnt know if he could even get a fucking sponge in this world. How am I supposed to clean this shit? Not that any of that mattered in the slightest because it was cast iron or nothing. Hed managed to clean the ones hed used on the road. He was pretty sure he did it all wrong, but hed done it. So, Terry grudgingly paid out of his rapidly dwindling supply of cash to buy the stupid cast iron pots and pans. He made a couple of other quick stops to grab some meat and veggies, then carried it all home. No matter how much he didnt look forward to figuring out how to clean that cast iron, he did look forward to a steady supply of hot meals. Now, if only they had refrigeration, he whined to himself. As challenges went, not having refrigeration was not the biggest hurdle for the moment. The town was close and things were generally affordable. He was a lot less sure what would happen when winter rolled around. He sincerely doubted there was a vast infrastructure devoted to hauling vegetables from warmer climates to cooler climates. Ill have to ask Haresh about that later. Terry was vaguely musing about making a nice stew, or something stew-adjacent courtesy of forgetting to buy flour and forget about anything as esoteric as corn starch. He stepped around Drumstick, whose head was currently pulling double duty as a napping spot for Dusk. He frowned to himself. Im going to need to go find something to kill soon. Drumstick might not need food every day, but everything has to eat to live. Adding that to a growing to-do list, he took his recently acquired treasures into the kitchen. Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. He rinsed off the new cookware and promptly dried it before plopping the big pot down on the stove. He got a fire going and then opened the windows. That let some of the slightly cooler air outside drift inside on the thinnest of breezes. He got to work peeling and chopping vegetables. He had been relieved to discover that this world did have potatoes, onions, and garlic. Hed even managed to find some carrots, peas, and corn. There had, however, been no sign of celery anywhere. Im going to miss celery. He didnt much care for it by itself, but it was one of those things that went into pretty much every soup and stew. It was the kind of flavor you didnt notice until it wasnt there, at which point you learned to care very much about the stringy, crunchy stuff. Hed just pushed the chicken into the pot when he heard a bloodcurdling scream. Terr abandoned the pot to race outside. He found Analina shrieking and pointing at Drumstick, or rather at Drumsticks partially exposed head. The chicken-lizard was cowering around the side of the house with just enough of its head in view that it could watch the Adventurers Guild administrator with one big eye. Terry looked at Drumstick, who he was pretty sure had just been lying there doing absolutely nothing until the screaming started. He looked at Analina, who he was pretty sure was having a panic attack. He looked down at Dusk, who was crouched at his feet with her hair standing up. Her head swiveled back and forth so she could give both Analina and Drumstick dirty looks. Terry sighed and put away the jian that had found its way into his hand. What are you doing? shouted Analina. You need to kill that thing! Calm down, said Terry. Drumstick isnt going to hurt anyone. Calm down? Calm down?! How you can tell me to she trailed off as a confused look crossed her face. Whats a drumstick? Thats a Drumstick, said Terry with a gesture as the mostly hidden chicken-lizard. And its harmless. Harmless, said Analina with a flat look. Harmless, agreed Terry. The kitten is more dangerous than Drumstick. You mean to tell me that youre keeping a cockatrice as a A pet? Terry mulled that over before he said, Pet is probably a strong word but sure. Lets go with that. Those beasts are killers, said Analina. Im sure that they are as a rule. Im just saying that this one isnt. I mean, didnt you notice how it ran away from you? For that matter, have you gotten any reports of random attacks on people or livestock by a giant chicken-lizard? I, well, no. But thats not the point. You cant know that its going to stay docile. I guess thats true, but I generally find that history is a good measure of future behavior. That thing is a coward. Dusk here, said Terry, scooping up the kitten from the ground, was sleeping on its head earlier. But why do you have it? demanded Analina sounding increasingly exasperated. It followed me. Thats it? What were you expecting? I didnt set out to tame it. It just keeps showing up. But why didnt you kill it on sight? Terry shrugged. Look, Im happy to kill things that are violently aggressive toward me, but how aggressive does Drumstick look to you? Analina focused her gaze on Drumstick, and the chicken-lizard shuffled out of sight with a frightened squawk-roar. Analina let out a huff of annoyed breath. I suppose I see what you mean, she admitted. But were going to need to talk about this. If you say so, said Terry. Before he could say anything else, Haresh came wandering back from wherever hed gone. He looked from Terry to Analina. Did I miss something? he asked. Did you know that hes keeping a cockatrice as a pet? asked Analina. Haresh blinked a few times and said, Yes, but Drumstick is harmless. The kitten sleeps on it. Analina threw her hands up in the air and shouted, This is not how adventurers are supposed to behave! Hes rank two, observed Haresh. As I understand it, they behave pretty much any way they want. Analina opened and closed her mouth a few times before she leveled a finger at Terry. That thing is your responsibility. If it hurts anyone she started. In the highly unlikely event that happens, and it''s not obviously an accident, Ill take care of it, said Terry. Is this why you came out here? No, said Analina with a long-suffering note in her voice. I have a contract for you. Well, that certainly didnt take long. Let me guess. Its stupidly dangerous, and theres just no one else who can take care of it? And since you gave me such a sweetheart deal on this place, Im going to feel indebted enough to you to take this contract. That about the size of things? Analina made a valiant effort to keep her expression neutral but there was a flush creeping over her cheeks. I wouldnt describe it exactly like that, she said. Terry snorted and said, Alright. Lets hear it. What needs to die? Chapter 58 – Celery Terry stood by the stove and stirred the stew occasionally while Analina gave him the scant few details she had about the contract. He could boil it down to one, very uninspiring sentence. A really dangerous bad thing is doing bad thing stuff, and wed like that to stop. Naturally, no one knew exactly what the bad thing was, or where it was, or how to find it. Terry stirred the stew again. It didnt really need the extra stirring aside from his vague fear that the stew would burn if he didnt keep it in regular motion. It did give him a few moments to think. He liked exactly nothing about this contract. If hed learned anything as a programmer it was that vaguely defined projects were especially susceptible to scope creep. All that vagueness made it very easy to keep expanding on the final size and specifications of whatever you were coding. He had the distinct impression that these adventurer contracts were prone to the same thing. A nice tidy contract would have a very clear goal. Go out and kill a specific thing. Go into that abandoned ruin and find a particular relic. At least, that was how it usually worked in video games and novels. He didnt want to agree to do something he expected would be easy, just to find himself contractually obligated to keep fighting even though the job was worth fifty times what he was going to get paid for it. No, this has the stink of something on it, he thought. It wasnt straight-up fraud. At least, he didnt think so. But it felt really hinky to him. He leveled his gaze on Analina, who seemed to intuit his thoughts from that look. She lifted a hand in a just-give-me-a-second gesture. I know. I know. This isnt the kind of contract we normally allow. So, why are you allowing it this time? Because of who it came from, she said. Terrys eyes narrowed. He was going to ask the question even though he was nearly certain about the general shape of the answer if not the specifics. Who did it come from? Lord she started. Stop. The answer is no. Analina looked stunned at that answer. I dont understand, she said. Did they ask for me in particular? They did. Then its a double no. Only an idiot gets themselves tangled up with nobles, especially when theyre asking for you. Ive already escaped that cesspit once. Im not going back for a second swim in that pool of filth. They can find someone else. But the money Oh, Id like to get that money. Believe me, Id love to take their money. It comes with too many strings attached. Theyll never let me just go, do the job, and leave. In fact, I bet they want to meet me in person before I even get started. How did you know that? Because theyre nobles, and Im a rank two. Theyll try to involve me in their affairs. Thats just another way of saying theyll try to make their enemies my problem. Its smart in an amoral sort of way. If they make it look like Im getting on board with them, their enemies will send people after me. Theyll have to if it looks like Lord whoever is recruiting someone stupidly powerful. Maybe theyll do it out of fear. Maybe theyll do it out of jealousy. Maybe theyll do it because theyre all a bunch of selfish dicks. The reason doesnt really matter because Ill still have to defend myself. Only a moron wouldnt. Oh, and would you look at that? I weaken their enemies, and it doesnt cost them a single piece of gold. Its a classic strategy. Why dont you and him fight? If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. Youre making a lot of assumptions about someone youve never even met, dont you think? Terry shrugged and said, Probably. But Im allowed to do that. Im nobodys vassal, and I dont plan to ever be one. Im not obligated to come running just because some noble asks for me. Every part of Terry was screaming at him to stop being combative. It was ratcheting up the social tension by the second, and he hated that so much. This was one case where he just couldnt. He didnt trust nobles. He didnt trust their intentions. He didnt trust their words. Some of that was born out of so many nobles being irredeemable pricks in all the books. Sure, it was a trope, but he was being haunted by the damn things in this world. It seemed like a good safety precaution to just assume they were valid. Some of his mistrust was born out of his own worlds history, though. The abuses of the nobility toward pretty much everyone who wasnt nobility were well-documented throughout history. There hadnt really been any of that inherited douchebaggery in America, but old money families seemed to serve more or less the same role. His mistrust might not have been fair to any theoretical not awful nobles, but he came by it honestly enough. Analina got a very serious expression on her face. It looked almost unnatural on the usually cheerful and talkative woman. People are dying, she said. Regardless of anything else, dont you care about that? That one hit Terry close to home. While his death back on his old world probably hadnt led to any huge outpouring of grief, there probably were a few people who took it hard. He was sympathetic to those who were losing loved ones. Look, I didnt say that no one should take the contract. I said that I wont take the contract. Although, now that I think about it, no one should take that contract. Its way too vague. Id bet they know a hell of a lot more about whats going on than theyve said. Its probably worth a hell of a lot more than theyre offering too. If they want to offer a legitimate contract with more details and handle payment through the guild, without any of this come and meet us first bullshit, Ill consider it. Can I tell them you said that? asked Analina. No. Terry turned back to the almost-stew, stirred it, cursed himself for forgetting to buy flour, and dipped a spoon into the bubbling concoction in the pot. He lifted the spoon and blew it on it a few times. He ate the spoonful and sighed. The stuff was passable, good even, better than a lot of the stuff hed eaten while fleeing the stupidly pretty people, but it wasnt great. He even knew what the problem was. God damn it. I need to find someone in the world who is growing celery. Still, he was hungry. He dished some of the stew into a bowl and handed it to Analina. He wasnt especially happy with the woman at the moment, but even he wasnt going to just eat in front of her without offering some food. There was rude, and then there was rude. After he got some stew for himself, they stood in the kitchen and ate in awkward silence. Haresh came in a few minutes later, seemingly drawn by the smell of the stew. He picked up on the awkwardness immediately. Did I miss something else? he asked. Analina is trying to convince me to take a bad contract, said Terry before the woman could get a word in edgewise. Its not a bad contract just because it comes from a noble. A lot of our contracts come through nobles. That may be so but the contract youre trying to get me to take is a bad contract. Haresh made his way over to the pot and said, Well, why dont one of you tell me about the contract? Analina was quicker on the draw that time. She laid out the same details, or lack thereof, to Haresh. Terry followed that up with his take on the matter. Haresh stood in contemplative silence for most of two minutes before he gave Analina a very stern, very paternal look. The woman wilted beneath the weight of that fatherly disapproval. She stared at the floor and even shuffled her feet a little. Terry stared at Haresh in pure awe. I have never witnessed such intense dad energy in my life. Fine, she huffed. Its a bad contract. Yes, said Haresh. It is a bad contract. And, while I dont completely agree with Terrys paranoia, Id also be suspicious. You should do as Terry suggested. Tell them no. See if they offer a general contract with the guild. Even if they dont, it might encourage them to offer up some more information about what theyre up against. Haresh, said Terry. Do you have kids? Haresh lifted an eyebrow at Terry and said, I do. Is that relevant? Wow. I bet they do as they''re told. I wish that were true, said Haresh as he heaved a great sigh. That soup of yours is pretty good. It was Terrys turn to heave a sigh and say, Celery. Celery. My kingdom for some celery. Chapter 59 – Once You’re in the Box Terry had half-expected some kind of fallout for dismissing that contract from that random lord. When nothing terrible had happened after a few days, though, he started to relax a smidge but only a smidge. That comment that Analina had made about the property being cursed had stuck with him. Not that he really believed in curses, as such, but hed learned not to underestimate how petty Chinese Period Drama Hell could be when trying to screw him over. He wouldnt put it past the place to simply manufacture some poltergeists or some awful Asian variant like a drowning ghost, avenging ghost, or one of the endless vampire variations that seemed to litter the Far East. Not that Terry knew those myths directly, but they did tend to crop up as narrative props in lots of cultivation novels, isekai novels, and even the occasional LitRPG series. It didnt help when hed asked the others about ghosts and gotten a lot of vagaries in response. Jaban seemed convinced they didnt exist. Haresh was agnostic about it. Ekori seemed convinced they did exist, but she couldnt point to any actual evidence that they were real aside from anecdotal evidence. So, basically, its just like home, thought Terry. Even so, he couldnt help but feel a bit annoyed at the three for not having better answers for him. They were born on this terrible planet, so he expected them to know this kind of shit. It was ultimately Haresh who came up with a mollifying explanation. Were adventurers. We hunt monsters. The guild wants proof. What proof would there be if you killed a ghost? I guess I see your point, admitted Terry. He didnt want to see it but that kind of logic was hard to argue with. No matter how awesome head sack was, he was pretty sure that it wouldnt hold a ghost head. Although, I guess I wont know until I try. Terry just wasnt sure how effective his vague cultivator powers were going to be against disembodied spirits. They had done okay against the Douche Knight and most of the other church assholes, which suggested they were effective against truly supernatural forces, but that was pretty thin evidence. It wasnt really the threat of ghosts that worried him, though. He just didnt want to assume that it wasnt spirits and get a nasty surprise later. He suspected that whatever threat was lurking nearby was solidly in monster territory. In a world bursting with lethal, physical beasts, it just made more sense to view that as the most likely culprit. It didnt completely undermine the possibility of ghosts or some other intangible threat, but there was a certain practicality in playing the odds. Plus, Terry had more than once gotten the distinct feeling that something was out there in the nearby forest eyeballing him and his house. He did find himself worrying that he was going to end up in the middle of some kind of defend the homestead trope, but he thought that was probably unavoidable if he didnt plan to be a homeless vagabond forever. He also wasnt sure there was a meaningful difference between defend the homestead and defend the campsite. Stupid tropes, grumbled Terry. Always making things harder than they need to be. Drumstick lifted its head from where it had been sprawled nearby and eyed him curiously. Terry eyed the chicken-lizard. I really should stop calling it and it. Hey, are you a boy chicken-lizard or a girl chicken-lizard? Or do you do the whole intersex thing? The beast cocked its head to one side, seeming lost in thought, and then squawk-warbled some things at him like a wounded yeti for most of thirty seconds. Terry was torn between annoyance that he had no idea what the beast was saying and the shocking certainty that the chicken-lizard had tried to answer his question. Terry swiftly realized the mistake hed made. Hed asked a complicated question that required a complicated answer. He should have followed the KISS rule and kept it simple, stupid. He waited for several seconds to ensure that Drumstick was actually done before he tried again. Okay. Lets pretend that I dont speak chicken-lizard. So, when I ask you a question, lets go with one squawk-warble for yes, and two squawk-warbles for no. Does that make sense? Drumstick gave off a single squawk-warble. Terry nodded. Im going to assume that meant yes and wasnt just you making a random noise at me. So, here we go. Are you a boy chicken-lizard? Two squawk warbles. Okay. So, not a boy. Does that mean youre a girl chicken-lizard? One squawk warble. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. Girl it is. That was immediately followed by another extended session of squawk-warbles that meant absolutely nothing to Terry. He sighed. So, not a girl? It seemed that Drumstick was as frustrated by the lack of communication as Terry. Maybe even a little more frustrated, judging by the way the giant beast stared at Terry for an uncomfortably long time before turning around and walking around the side of the house. He stared after the chicken-lizard in shock before shouting after Drumstick. How the hell am I supposed to interpret that? Screw it, he decided. Shes a girl chicken-lizard until I learn to speak chicken-lizard or she works out whatever the hell language it is that I speak these days. Were you just fighting with Drumstick? asked Ekori, amusement clearly evident in her tone. No, I was not fighting with Drumstick. I was trying to figure out if she was a boy or a girl. It sounds like you settled on girl. I did, agreed Terry. Im just not sure that she did. What does that mean? It means I need to learn to speak chicken-lizard. Chicken-lizard, snorted Ekori. Shes a cockatrice. Thats what I said. Chicken-lizard. Fine, said Ekori with an airy wave of the hand. Call her whatever you like. I take it you havent heard back from Analina. Subtle, said Terry. I do what I can, said Ekori. Is that a no? That is a no, for which I am enormously grateful. Because you dont want to work for nobles? Thats one reason. There are others. But thats the main reason, she said. It wasnt a question. He studied her before he nodded. She rolled her eyes. Youre not going to work much if you refuse to work for nobles. I never said I wont work for nobles. Didnt you just say that? No. I said I dont want to work for nobles, but Im not an idiot. I know by now that theyre the source for a lot of the work the guild does. So, yeah, Ill work for them as long as theyre not putting out sketchy contracts and asking for me by name. If theyre putting out contracts like everyone else, it probably means that the job is real. It probably also means that theyre not trying to get someone to commit to something before they reveal all the details. Youd never take a contract without believing you have all the details? Oh, people are people. Youre always going to have someone who wants to get more work for less money. Theyll lie about the jobs. You cant avoid that. However, I expect the guild takes a very dim view of people who pull that shit. Ekori nodded and said, They do. That being said, Im not going to take a contract when its obvious someone is trying to hide something, has some other agenda, or both. Thatd just be stupid and probably self-destructive. Self-destructive? asked Ekori. I think I get what it means, but Ive never heard anyone say it quite like that before. Oh, we have clever phrases for just about everything in my old world. We love our labels. It helps put everyone in the right box. Ekori didnt need to say anything for Terry to see that she didnt understand that box reference at all. Think of it like this. If someone says that youre an adventurer, that comes with a bunch of assumptions about the kind of person you are, right? I suppose so. Well, once someone thinks of you as an adventurer, you go into the adventurer box in their mind. It informs every thought they have about you after that. It might lead them to all kinds of wrong conclusions about you, but once youre in the box, you tend to stay in the box. Kind of like you and nobles? she asked sweetly. Well, hell. She has me there. Im certainly guilty of profiling them. Itd be easier not to if theyd all stop acting like assholes, though. Is there where you give me a speech about how I just dont understand the pressure theyre under? Are you going to try to convince me about how the nobility is actually filled with noble, righteous souls? Tell me that theyre not really a bunch of manipulative pricks who will happily use anyone they see as beneath them? Ekori winced a little at that. Looks like I have her there. No, she said in a weary voice. Im not going to give you that speech. Most of them are exactly like that. Some are better and some are worse, depending on how you measure such things. But some, a few, really are noble and righteous. Then, they have my sympathies and my condolences, because I cant imagine that theyre long for this world. Your sympathies and condolences but not your support? Terry glanced over at her. She was staring into some far distance, looking at something beyond the trees of the forest and maybe even the borders of the kingdom. Dont forget that I was dragged into this world against my will. I have no allegiances here save the ones I choose to make. I also came south to avoid finding myself in a war. Even if I was sympathetic to a nobles cause or some monarchs cause, the only reason they would want me is for a war. With their enemies, with another nation, with someone, said Terry. People here may grow up expecting that theyll do that kind of thing, but I didnt. Where I come from, being a soldier is a profession people choose. I didnt choose it in my old world. I wont be forced into it here more than I already have been. Ekori looked startled at those comments. No one is conscripted in your world? she asked. I didnt say that. There are lots of nations that have conscription or mandatory service of some kind. Just not where I come from. My nation did away with it decades ago. Why? Terry shrugged. Why does any law change? Politics. I wont pretend that I know all the details though. Ekori shook her head and said, Your nation sounds like a very strange place. Oh, you have no idea, laughed Terry. Chapter 60 – That’s Not Funny What do you people do with your time when youre at home? asked Terry as they sat around the table and ate breakfast. Jaban looked over at him with a curious expression and said, The usual stuff. Read. Eat. Spend time with family. Sometimes, I train. I guess it depends on how long Im there. Hes not wrong, said Ekori, although not everyone is as lazy as he is. Hey, Im not lazy, said Jaban before Ekori lifted an eyebrow at him. Well, Im not lazy all the time. I typically do what I can to help mother with her Ekori trailed off. With her business matters. Terry wasnt sure what business matters was standing in for, but it was Ekoris affair if she wanted to keep it secret. Terry sure as shit didnt want anyone elses secrets cluttering up his brain. That made it easy to not ask the socially awkward follow-up question that she clearly expected based on the tense look she wore. Instead, Terry looked at Haresh. I do whatever my wife tells me to do, he said. It was the kind of thing that Terry had heard people on his own world say, but it lacked any of the bitterness he remembered. If that situation bothered Haresh at all, there was no evidence of it. Terry wondered if there wasnt a whole lot more to that story. There almost had to be. Is it just time? Has Haresh lived long enough to work out his insecurities? Man, that would be nice, thought Terry. Hed come a fair distance on those since he got thrown face-first into this isekai deathtrap of a situation. The old Terry, programmer Terry, would have gone off to meet that noble just to avoid having an awkward conversation. With no support system in this place beyond the other three people at the table, he couldnt afford to be that way anymore. Being weak-willed was the kind of thing that got people killed in the books, manga, and anime hed see. Of course, said Ekori, most people work. I work, said Terry. No, you kill monsters when they stumble out of the forest and into your way, said Haresh. Its not quite the same as working. Dont kid yourself. Killing that plant monster was work. Wretched thing damn near killed me. Why do you ask? said Ekori. Well, the house is more or less in shape. Im trying to figure out what to do with myself today. It was true. With four superhumans putting in an effort, it hadnt taken long for them to get the house in shape. Even if it would have gone faster if any of us had the slightest clue about things like construction or agriculture, griped Terry mentally. Thats what you get for not asking, interjected other-Terry. I could have given you all kinds of useful tips if you didnt shit your pants every time you think about giving me even the slightest leeway. You have yet to convince me that your end goal is anything other than turning me into a murderhobo, replied regular-Terry. First of all, said other-Terry, thats a ridiculous term. I mean, seriously, you had an entire planet full of people and you couldnt come up with something better than that? Regular-Terry rolled his mental eyes and said, Were willing to eschew elegance in favor of pure descriptiveness. I see it as a net good. Of course, you do, said other-Terry. Now, on to my second and far more important point. What goddamn benefit do I get from turning you into a crazed, bloodthirsty, murder machine? Oh, and third of all, if that was my goal, why would I know anything about construction and agriculture? That doesnt strike me as essential information for converting basically sane people into psychopaths. Well, said regular-Terry, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. Hey, dont you go quoting The Usual Suspects at me, shouted other-Terry. That movie was too good to be sullied by having its dialogue come out of your mental mouth. And that quote doesnt even apply here. Thats what Id expect the devil to say, said regular-Terry piously. Besides, how do you even know about that movie? Its in your memory, dumbass. Hell, I probably remember it better than you do. Terry blinked a few times in confusion, wholly uncertain what that even meant. Why would that other personality remember it better than him? Before he could ask, other-Terry answered the question. Im not limited by the flesh prison of consciousness you call a brain. I can retrieve the information more efficiently than you can. Incidentally, that applies to the parts that you cant recall because your brain stored that data somewhere stupid and unrelated, said other-Terry with a lot more smug than seemed entirely called for in regular-Terrys opinion. He was about to follow up on that last bit but realized that the real-world conversation was about to continue. Since regular-Terry and other-Terry had been conversing at the speed of thought, only a second or two had passed. Well, you could try working, you know, on purpose, suggested Jaban. So could you, said Terry. Im not a rank two. I doubt theres a contract at the guild hall that you couldnt finish. That is not true for me. Terry couldnt fault that logic, try though he might. He did weigh the possibility of just going and claiming a contract before he rejected the notion. There was that nagging feeling that something was lurking and spying just out beyond the edge of his land. If he was going to go and put in some effort, he should probably apply that effort to securing his own property. What a novel idea, observed other-Terry. Making sure you dont get stabbed in the back by a problem youve been ignoring. Thats almost smart. Regular-Terry let that comment go unremarked. It wasnt because he chose to rise above. He simply couldnt think of a pithy comeback. With thought-speed conversations, he didnt even get that one-second pause between comments that he got with out-loud conversations. If he was dealing with other-Terry and didnt have the comeback instantly, the opportunity was gone forever. Maybe Ill try working on purpose some other day, Terry finally said. Ill have to. Im going to go broke if I dont. Before that, though, theres something else I need to go look into. Whats that? asked Haresh. Something is out in the forest. Ive felt it. Sooner or later, I get the feeling itll grow tired of just watching. I figure its better to go deal with it than wait for it to be ready. If nothing else, I might be able to scare it off. Do you want some help? asked Ekori. Not this time. Maybe if I knew what it was, Id take you along. But I dont want to take any of you with me just to find out its something I cant handle. If that happens, I doubt youd survive to warn anyone. If I dont come back, you need to inform the guild. It means that they need to send a rank one here, or maybe a couple of them. Do you think thats whats going to happen? asked Jaban, looking both worried and oddly eager. Probably not, said Terry. Still, it doesnt pay to assume. I doubt anything like that could really keep itself hidden for long. Too much power concentrated in one place to go unnoticed. Then again, I am new here. Maybe that kind of concealment is possible for monsters. Not that Im aware of, said Haresh with a frown. But I cant say that Ive ever actually seen a monster that would give a rank one a real fight. They must exist, though, right? asked Terry. Otherwise, what the hell would those rank one adventurers do with themselves? Oh, they exist, said Haresh. We hear about them through the guild. Ive just never seen one, which I take as a blessing. Like you said, I doubt Id have survived an encounter with something like that. Terry nodded, but his mind was already halfway out the door. If he was going to go, this was the time to do it. Darkness wasnt quite the impediment it had been to him, but hed much rather hunt something in the light of day. If he could find tracks, he might even be able to learn something about whatever it was. He was aware that there was math that could give him an idea about the size and weight of something from the size and depth of footprints. He didnt know how to do that math, but he could probably make some educated guesses. He pushed back from the table and started making his way toward the door. Dusk came barreling out of whatever shadow shed been hiding in. Terry knew that the kitten was more formidable than she seemed after killing all those snakes. He also thought that, much like Drumstick, the kitten understood what she heard perfectly well. Her coming running when he was getting ready to leave was just another little bit of proof on the ever-growing pile o evidence. The problem was that he had no clue what he might find. When theyd been traveling on the road, there had been no choice but to accept a certain level of danger for her. Now, there was a choice. Hed rather not risk the kittens life for no good reason. Reaching down to scratch between the kittens ears, he stage-whispered to her. I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Jaban. Im pretty sure hell fall into a well and drown if left to his own devices. Hey! shouted Jaban. Dusk looked up at Terry with her very blue eyes before she turned her attention on Jaban. She seemed to study the young man before giving Terry what he thought was likely an annoyed look. Then, she walked a bit closer to Jaban, sat down, and stared at him. Haresh and Ekori watched this play out before bursting into laughter. Thats not funny, said Jaban, only to be ignored. Terry smiled to himself and slipped out the door. Chapter 61 – Things in the Forest The next few hours were an exercise in frustration for Terry. While his intentions had been good, his skills at forest craft were somewhat subpar. Hed spent enough time in that forest while fleeing the church that hed started to get a sense of what to watch out for, but that wasnt exactly the same thing as being even an adequate tracker. He found plenty of tracks of various things, but he didnt know what they were when he saw them. He felt like he was in a mystery show, except he was the derpy sidekick, not the master detective. He was basically just walking through the woods and metaphorically pointing at things while saying, Look, a clue! He was not, however, left with a warm and fuzzy feeling about the security of his home. There were a lot of signs that monsters lived in this forest, and that they routinely came close enough to be a threat. Are you going to chime in about anything weve seen? said Terry, even though he was directing that question at other-Terry. Oh, now you want my opinion about things. Werent you crying like a little kid with a skinned knee about me not asking for your input on things like I dont know. Less than six hours ago? Other-Terry didnt seem to have an immediate response to that. Ha! Take that, you dickish substitute for an inner monologue. It felt like he so rarely got the upper hand in these exchanges that Terry couldnt help but feel a sense of accomplishment. That was immediately undercut when other-Terry chimed in. I heard that, you know. Terry hadnt known that all of his thoughts were readily available to other-Terry, but he couldnt pretend some great surprise at learning that particular fact. He saw two main paths forward from that moment. In the first version of the events, he could backpedal and try to play nice. Thats certainly what the remnants of programmer Terry wanted to do with all of his social incompetence and anxiety. However, looking back on all the times hed done something like that in the past, he wanted to cringe a little. It was so disingenuous on the part of exactly everyone involved. He clearly hadnt meant it when he backtracked. He could also see that there had been a bit of maliciousness on the part of the people who let him do it. They had liked watching him be uncomfortable. Maybe that wasnt true in every case, but it had been true often enough for him to recognize it in hindsight. He just didnt know what to do with it at the moment. In the second version of events, he could just own that shit like an adult. He might still feel uncomfortable, but at least it would be honest. The choice looked easy when he considered things from that perspective. I said what I said, offered Terry in response. You are a dickish substitute for an inner monologue. Especially when youre still not being helpful. There was another drawn-out moment of mental silence. Youre not supposed to just say things like that, said other-Terry. Even if they are true. Im pretty sure that youll live, muttered Terry. He was staring down at a print that actually looked familiar to him. It looked like a dogs paw print, assuming that dogs grew to be the size of horses. He thought he might be mentally exaggerating the size of the animal in question but he wasnt sure it was a gross exaggeration. The paw print was huge. It had to be at least two or three times the size of any paw print hed ever stumbled across in his old world. If hed seen a paw print that big when hed still been living in that world, hed have either panicked or assumed someone was playing a bizarre prank on him. Now, he didnt panic or assume it was a prank. He shared this world with creatures the size of Drumstick and the foliasaur, after all. Huge monsters werent a new thing anymore. Familiarity didnt necessarily make them less dangerous, but his failure to panic about them would go a long way toward ensuring he survived an encounter with one. He briefly entertained the question of whether or not huge monsters were a derivation of the everythings bigger in Texas trope but swiftly dismissed the idea. Terrifyingly large monsters were a trope that existed wholly independent of that trope in the cultivation books hed read. He was also fairly certain that while he might encounter it, the trope probably wasnt directed at him personally. It seemed like those kinds of threats existed in this world long before he came along. That freed him of any lingering sense of responsibility he might have felt. Even if it seemed like his new world was occasionally importing tropes to make his life difficult, the blame for that one was on someone elses head. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. I guess I cant complain that youve started to grow a spine, observed other-Terry. Very well. If you want some helpful advice, Id suggest that you stop the pack of dire wolves thats been tracking you from killing you. Dire wolves? asked Terry. He recalled that dire wolves were a larger species of wolves that used to live on his world. Theyd gone exist because of Terry racked his brain. Why did those damn things go extinct? It wasnt the meteor. That killed the dinosaurs. Was it climate change? He gave up on trying to beat the information from his memory. It was entirely possible that hed never known why they died out. If the internet had been good at something, it was providing snippets of information with zero context. Besides, he had a terrible feeling that other-Terry had undersold the threat. Big wolves would have been terrifying to old him, but he doubted they could do much more than annoy him in his current form. That had to mean that these dire wolves were something much, much worse than what he was imagining. Even worse, he hadnt sensed anything, and hed thought that was something he was getting better at. He peered around at the trees surrounding him. He didnt see anything out there, but he supposed that these dire wolves wouldnt be very good hunters if they went around getting seen all the time. He also didnt want to go home now that they were on his trail. That would just put the others in danger they probably couldnt handle. Even so, his information deficit was weighing on him. He didnt know what these things were, or what they could do, or even which direction they would come from. That was assuming they didnt come at him from every direction. Other-Terry had said it was a pack. I dont suppose you want to weigh in with some more information about what Im facing here, do you? Some lessons you have to learn for yourself, said other-Terry. Are you saying that because its true or because you want to be a dick to me for calling you out? Other-Terry didnt say anything, which was an answer in itself as far as regular-Terry was concerned. You just want to be a dick to me. Remember that when I dont talk to you about anything for the next six months. Terry felt other-Terry forming a response, but he never learned what it was going to be. Massive black forms that were, in fact, the size of goddamn horses seemed to appear out of nowhere. The damn things were intimidating as hell. They didnt have eyes, as such. They had eye sockets that were filled with something that Terrys mind jumped to calling primordial flame. They all had their teeth bared, and the teeth he saw looked like polished glass. When they snarled, it tugged at fears that dwelled deep, deep inside of Terrys soul. It felt like an imprint from the days when his ancestors hid in caves and feared the cold and dark of the night. If he hadnt come so close to death so recently, it might have had more of an effect on him. As it was, he felt a shudder pass over him. These things are dangerous, thought Terry, and theres so many of them. When other-Terry had said pack, regular-Terry had imagined eight or ten. There were dozens of the things around him. No wonder the adventurers who had tried to investigate hadnt come back. Terry only had a general sense of where he stood in the hierarchy of power in Chinese Period Drama Hell, but he did know he was fairly well into the upper half of that hierarchy. He was in no way sure he could survive this. A rank three or rank four would be brought down in no time. There was a temptation to run, but he suspected that wouldnt do him much good. These awful things could probably run for days without stopping. That only left fighting, and this wouldnt be like the fight with the foliasaur. Hed been wavering at the time. No, hed practically begging for death back then. That had just been a knee-jerk desire to return to the familiar. He might hate this stupid world, but he didnt hate himself nearly enough to want to actually die. He could live here. Maybe it wasnt the life he had tried to make for himself but that life hadnt exactly been great. Hed been scared of people, which meant hed been perpetually lonely. His career had been one bad day away from imploding around him. That was particularly bad because coding had been one of the only things that hadnt filled him with anxiety. The truth was that hed been more of a ghost than a person in that old life. This new life of his was a chance to remake himself. Well, no, that implied a lot more agency than hed been employing. This new life had forced enough change on him that he finally had the agency to remake himself. Some of that change had been shitty as hell to live through, but he had also gotten a lot of unearned power out of the deal. More than enough power to build a better life. He just had to decide to do it. Terry drew his jian and threw a thought at other-Terry. You better pull your goddamn weight in this fight. Im not dying out here because you dont feel like sharing. There was a silence in his head that had a profundity to it that he couldnt rightly explain. Then, other-Terry spoke in a tone that regular-Terry could only describe as relieved. Finally. Chapter 62 – Hunted Terrys jian had already taken on that ominous red glow that, he belatedly acknowledged to himself, he should have asked other-Terry about two seconds after the first time it happened. That blade seemed to give the dire wolves pause. Terry found that hilarious, which struck him as a little inappropriate. Given that every single one of those wolves out massed and towered over him, though, that wariness just struck him funny. The pause did let other-Terry lob out his first piece of advice. If youre not going to use a second jian, you should channel ice with your left hand. Terry had considered fighting with two blades. However, hed concluded a while back that a two-weapon approach worked best in relatively stationary fights against a small number of opponents. He was pretty sure that this fight was going to be a moving fight. In a fight like that, he wanted one hand free for things like grabbing onto trees and shaking his fist at the sky in mute outrage. He definitely didnt want to have to drop a weapon because he needed a free hand. Plus, he had enough brute strength that punching something in the head was often a more effective method of buying a few seconds than cutting or stabbing something. Of course, that still left other-Terrys suggestion which meantWell, it meant exactly nothing to regular-Terry. And how the hell am I supposed to do that? demanded Terry. You just Oh, right. We never talked about that. Shit. Okay, here the idiots primer on channeling qi. You know about your core. Yeah. You just need to, um, damn this is harder to explain than I expected. Just picture cold moving from that core to your hand. It should feel a lot like what youre doing with your sword just, you know, cold. Fuck! To your left. Terry didnt look. He just balled up a fist and lashed out with it. He felt his knuckles connect with something and got a lot more resistance than he was used to feeling with monsters. He let his eyes flick in that direction and saw one of the dire wolves flopping and tumbling away like a rag doll. It came to a stop and, after a long moment or two, got shakily back to its feet. It shook its head repeatedly, but Terry didnt see how that played out because other-Terry was yelling at him. Behind you! Head in the game! A twist and strike with the glowing jian sent a dire wolf head spinning into the air. That seemed to cause the pack to hesitate again, buying Terry a few more seconds. He stared down at his hand and tried to picture cold streaming from his core to his hand. He focused hard, willing it with all his might, and Nothing happened. What? asked Terry. Oh, come on! This shit never works the first time when youre trying to do it, shouted other-Terry. You know this! How many times have you read that?! Its not going to go work until you have your epiphany or your hero moment or some damn other triggering event. Terry stared down at the hand that was still just a hand. Damn it, he thought. Thats true. In that case, he thought as he dodged right to avoid a pouncing dire wolf, its time to get my running battle on. Terry feigned like he was going to keep moving right before he turned left and charged straight at the dire wolves there. He didnt expect to be able to elude them, but he did want to get out of the encirclement. Staying there seemed like a recipe for disaster since they could keep coming at him from all sides. He sort of doubted that trying to break out that way would work for most adventurers, but he was working with the advantage of the jian that seemed to make them very nervous. They kept leaping away whenever it got close to them, so kept it moving around him. The pack tried to keep him circled, but the combination of his own speed and that blade let him punch through, even if did mean having to watch out for massive wolf jaws trying to clamp down on the back of his leg or neck. Oddly, being smaller than them turned out to be at least a partial advantage. He could dodge between trees that they had to go around. It only bought him a second or two of lead time the seconds started to add up. Terry decided that he hated being hunted. It was just a shitty, shitty feeling. Every once in a while, hed turn and fight briefly before fleeing again. He wasnt planning any elaborate escape. He just wanted to draw them in a specific direction. Away. He wanted to draw them away from his home and the town. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. He also wasnt above using what more honorable warriors would consider cheap tricks. At one point, he came across a small creek. He slowed long enough to plunge a hand down into the creek bed and seize a fistful of rocks. When he got to the other side of the creek, he turned and hurled the rocks back at the pursuing wolves. While hed had to moderate his strength back in town with the arrows, he felt no such constraints out in the forest. The rocks acted like improved missiles. Not every rock hit a wolf. The ones that found a target didnt hit the wolves so much as pass straight through them. His stomach was a lot stronger than it used to be, but even he felt a little ill when a rock blew out the side of a wolfs head. Brain matter sprayed out in a fountain of gore. He also kept trying and failing to channel the ice that other-Terry had recommended. He was certain that there was a trick to it. He even had an intuition that he already knew the trick, but couldnt figure out how to use it for this new purpose. That left him with few alternatives to his current strategy of trying to defeat the wolves through pure attrition. The problem was that killing them with the sword meant getting in a lot closer than he felt comfortable with. Those polished glass teeth had made him unaccountable nervous, which he took as a bit of intuition that the pack could hurt him if they managed to bite him. Granted, that was just a hypothesis, but it was a hypothesis he wasnt ready to put to the test in the name of science. Just as importantly, the dire wolves werent stupid. They rarely let him get in range with the sword unless he tricked them into it. That sounded great but coming up with clever plans while running through an unfamiliar forest was a lot more difficult than it sounded. His brain or mind or both did seem to have been enhanced by changing worlds, but he was still just working with what he knew before and the rough experience hed picked up since arriving. He wasnt a master tactician or grand strategist. He got the sense that there was some of that kind of stuff locked away in the other-knowledge. Unfortunately, he also had the impression that information mostly applied to fighting people rather than monsters. That seemed like a bizarre omission in an infodump about a world filled with monsters, but it wasnt like he could access it at the moment anyway. Plus, there was other-Terrys lack of tactical advice beyond announcing that the direction of an immediate, looming threat. Any suggestions? demanded Terry. Um, said other-Terry. Dont die. Not helpful! What do you want from me? If you can channel ice, it will be really effective. Thats all I know about them. How can that be all you know about fighting them? You grew up watching a television, said other-Terry. How much do you know about how they function? Terry opened his mouth to shoot back a snarky remark, but that other personality had a point. He knew a lot about things like chip architecture and gearing software to work well with specific chipsets, but he didnt know squat about how his actual computer monitor worked. He assumed that it was similar to how his flat-screen TV worked, but the internals werent something he dealt with in his old life. Well, how it used to work, he thought. I guess its not really my TV anymore. Focus, demanded other-Terry. To your left. Terry glanced left and saw a dire wolf closing on him. How did that damn thing get so close? He supposed it didnt matter. What did matter was that he wasnt going to be able to avoid it. Rather than change directions, he let his forward momentum slow like he was getting tired. He could almost feel the wolfs anticipation grow. He slowed a little more and feigned that he hadnt noticed the approaching monster. Timing is really going to matter with this one, he thought. It took a huge effort of will to let the dire wolf close on him. He swore he could feel the things hot breath on his cheek as it lunged toward him. He spun toward the thing, did his best not to stare at the fangs that were closing toward his head, and slid into a crouch. He brought the jian up and almost instantly regretted it. The blade cleaved one of the beasts legs off before the blades glowing edge intersected with the wolfs body. There was no resistance as the blade opened the chest cavity and stomach. That resulted in most of what had been inside the wolf either spraying or falling onto Terry. What felt like gallons of the creatures hot blood drenched him. He had to fight his way free of a ropey pile he only recognized as intestines after the fact. It was simply one of the most grotesque experiences of Terrys life. He stood there for several seconds just staring at the gutted monster. He didnt feel bad about it. Survival first. That didnt mean he could escape one salient fact. I feel violated, said Terry. Bet you wish you found someone to make that shower for you, observed other-Terry. Youre still a dick. Probably, but there are more wolves, so maybe you should stop standing around like a big, stupid fast-food value meal. Chapter 63 – At Least This Isn’t a Swarm Trope Okay, self, lets not fight pack predators in the future, thought Terry. Because this fucking sucks. He pressed a hand against his leg where one of the dire wolves had almost taken a piece out of him. Hed avoided that grisly outcome, but he still had a bunch of unbelievably painful puncture wounds in his leg where the damnable thing had bitten down. He also couldnt tell if the intense burning in those punctures was some poisonous byproduct of the bite itself or his own weird body doing something to counteract the damage. Care to weigh in on whether that burning sensation is a bad thing? Well, said other-Terry, didnt you ever see any of those after-school specials? Not the time! barked Terry. Fine. I suspect that its your body working to heal the injury. You suspect? Its not like I have direct access to your sensory impressions. I have access to your mind and memories. All that physical stuff isnt really my domain. Terry straightened up at that, which naturally put more pressure on his injured leg. He grimaced and shifted his weight to his other leg. He didnt want to forget to ask what had just occurred to him. You sound like youre an A.I. or something similar. Is that what you are? asked Terry. Part of him dreaded the answer, but another part of him was morbidly curious about the prospect of a functional artificial intelligence. It was kind of the holy grail of computer science and programming. If someone had actually cut the Gordian Knot on computer sentience and sapience, he was curious. That was someone hed like to meet. He thought that through a little harder. Then again, maybe he didnt want to meet that person. He''d been feeling pretty stupid since he arrived in Chinese Period Drama Hell. That, however, was almost entirely a result of unavoidable ignorance about the million pieces of common knowledge he didnt have at his disposal. Artificial intelligence might not be his exact wheelhouse, but it was close enough. Meeting someone who could make him feel stupid about that didnt sound like a good time. Other-Terry broke him out of that wool-gathering mode. Of course, Im not an A.I. This is a magical world. Im a magical construct. Terry frowned at that. It sounded pretty semantic to him. Whats the difference? Less silicon, said other-Terry without missing a beat. Also, I actually work properly. Trust me. You should be glad you didnt end up in some system-controlled world. You think this is a Darwinian hellhole? You have no idea. Those system A.I.s are right bastards. You would not have made it in one of those places. You dont know that, said Terry in a grumpy denial he didnt believe. Oh, but I do. As long as it took you to even start getting your head on straight here, youd have been dead in those worlds fifty times over. Terry wanted to object to that, but the magical construct was probably right. He had taken an absurdly long time to get his shit together after he arrived. It had only been dumb luck, a certain level of OP-ness, and a bit of fatalism that had let him survive that initial forest. Looking back, he still wasnt entirely sure how hed beaten that foliasaur. He was glad hed done it, though. If Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban had tried their luck, that thing would have killed them all. Now that he was thinking about it, the Adventurers Guild would have been insane to even let them attempt it. Of course, that was assuming that there was a contract on it and not just a general bounty. Unless Ive just gotten that much stronger since then, he mused. He didnt feel like there was that big of a difference, but it was a really subjective thing to try to understand his own progress. You should probably get moving again, suggested other-Terry. Those dire wolves havent just given up. Stupid pack predators, Terry grumbled. At least this isnt a swarm trope. I should be glad for that The dire wolves werent that bad one-on-one, but he was rarely fighting just one. Even his enhanced senses and danger instinct couldnt keep up when he was facing off against six or ten of the damn things. And those senses and that instinct werent infallible. Hed completely missed the lone dire wolf that had ambushed him and done that damage to his leg. The only reason hed let himself linger for this long was that hed managed to put a little distance between himself and the main pack. He did take a bit of satisfaction from the knowledge that the pack was substantially smaller than it had been. Even so, there were still plenty of them left to kill him if he got too sloppy. If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. He looked around and then realized how futile that was. He had no idea where he was at the moment. Hed run a long way over the last couple of hours. Dozens of miles if he had to guess. At this point, he only had a general idea of the towns direction. It had been the right choice to lead the pack away. Nobody in that town would have survived if this pack decided to descend en masse. Although, he supposed that probably wasnt how pack predators worked. He had the impression that they didnt want to fight equal or greater numbers, even if those numbers were weaker. It felt more like they wanted to isolate a member of the herd. That jived with vague recollections of documentaries hed half-watched on TV as a kid. Since hed gone ahead and isolated himself for them, he expected that theyd keep tracking him. Plus, it seemed like everything in this world held a grudge. They might hunt him just for the pleasure of killing him at this point. He did seem to remember something about packs sticking to territories, but these things didnt seem daunted by the distance theyd all covered. Either their territory was positively vast or they didnt work quite the same way. Or youre remembering wrong, thought Terry. Theres a reason nobody ever called you Mister Science. Terry was also a little concerned because he was starting to feel it a little. It wasnt fatigue or even real tiredness. He hadnt felt those since the foliasaur but most of his fights since then had been short. Hed been moving slower than he might have to accommodate the others. In short, he hadnt been pushed hard enough or for long enough to get tired. He wasnt even sure how much sleep he needed any longer. Hed had the niggling idea that sleeping at all was mostly something he did out of habit rather than necessity. Not that he meant to give up sleeping, because sleeping was awesome. Sure, he had weird dreams about his old life sometimes which made him yearn for conveniences like processed sugar and high fructose corn syrup. It was still a nice break. In the not-so-glorious now, though, he was starting to feel the faint edges of something he thought would eventually develop into tiredness. That much he did remember from those documentaries. Packs often brought their prey down by tiring them out. In a way, it was a relief to him to know he had practical limits. Nothing in his old life had ever prepared him for being superhuman. Even reading all those fantasy novels only offered so much insight. After all, those books were written by people who could imagine crushing rocks with their hands, but would never, ever have a visceral understanding of performing such feats. Not that he would have ever chosen being pursued by horse-sized dire wolves as the moment to discover those practical limits. That was just shit timing. If he was coming up on being tired, though, that put a clock on this whole battle. He had to find a way to end it sooner than later. He tried for at least the fiftieth time to channel ice the way other-Terry had suggested. For a second or two, he felt a flickering something moving from his core toward his arm. Hope surged in him. Whatever energy had been shifting out of his core lost cohesion or got sucked back into the core. Fuck! shouted Terry. He needed something to change the status quo. This battle of attrition he had going on was probably winnable, but he didnt like the probably part of it. He needed an ace up his sleeve to give him an edge. Screaming is not a good way to avoid the dire wolves, said other-Terry in a severe, chiding tone. As if the universe wanted to prove the point that temper tantrums were bad, three dire wolves bounded into view. Terry glanced up at the heavy branches overhead. He thought that those would prove a way to avoid the wolves, at least for a time, but it had turned out to be a bad idea. The teeth in those mouths had proven more than sufficient to chew away at the tree trunks and bring them down. It wasnt an immediate process, but it was fast enough that the tactic was useless. Even so, he was tempted to jump up into them to extend his brief period of rest a little more and try channeling ice a few more times. Of course, hed be stuck fighting the whole pack at once if he did that. If he didnt succeed, itd be even worse. A more recent memory rose up of that fight with the bandits. Hed done something then. Something that worked at range. He hadnt done it since then, but he thought he remembered how it felt. He tried to replicate that feeling, that sense of energy moving from his core and exploding into the world. Unlike channeling ice, that did work. Energy surged from his core and gathered in his hand. He punched out at the approaching dire wolves and that gathered power pulsed out. There was an empty moment before something slammed into the wolves legs. A hideous sound that Terry could feel as much as hear cracked through the air as bones broke. He watched in fascinated horror as the wolves legs became misshapen, mangled things. They toppled over at speed. Two survived the fall. The third landed at just the right angle and at sufficient speed that it broke its neck. The other two were thrashing, howling, and snapping at nothing. It was pitiable in its way, but Terry hardened his heart to it. Rule number two, he reminded him. These things wouldnt hesitate if you were injured. He marched over to the thrashing beasts and ended their lives with two quick slashes of his glowing jian. He pushed away the impulse to harvest their cores and set a fast pace away from the bodies. His leg still hurt but he ignored that pain. Hed keep ignoring it until he couldnt anymore. You cant channel ice, but you can do that? Other-Terry sounded extremely put out to regular-Terry. Yeah. And? Nothing. Ive just never met an idiot before. Dont you mean an idiot savant? I do not. Chapter 64 – Do I Look Like a Cheerleader to You? While the burning pain in his leg did diminish over time, giving credence to the healing theory, it was also sapping his energy in a frankly alarming way. He supposed that was to be expected. Pain and healing were both fatiguing things in his old world, so it only followed that would hold annoyingly true in this new world. Of all the damn things, though, thought Terry. Why couldnt that be the thing that wasnt the same? He wanted to see it as another personal fuck you from Chinese Period Drama Hell, but he suspected that this was another of those things that werent connected to him. He was pretty sure it wasnt even a trope. If non-hideously painful instant healing was a thing here, that would have been a trope. Of course, that would have been a trope of the best kind. A trope that was both helpful and useful. So, it naturally didnt exist. If Terry had been able to curl up in bed with a big bowl of chicken noodle soup and get in a quick twenty-two-hour cat nap, none of this would be an issue. He would have woken up tomorrow and been just fine or the next best thing to it. With an angry, vengeful pack of murder machines trailing him, however, getting tired was a serious problem. It might even be a fatal problem if he didnt think of something cleverer than keep running and hope for inspiration. He had it on, well, not good authority but the authority of a lot of fiction that hope was not, in fact, an actual survival strategy. It worked great to get people excited and invested in things, which was a boon to productive activities. It did very little direct work on keeping people alive in a combat scenario. Unfortunately, the only other option hed come up with was to stand and fight. It was possible that hed survive that if he tried it. The odds of surviving it without awful wounds that would make getting home all but impossible seemed a lot lower to him. Granted, hed gotten through being in the forest while injured before, but hed at least had some basic supplies with him. He hadnt thought to bring along his pack of gear for this clusterfuck. Hed only expected to maybe find one or two monsters, which would only have taken a few hours to deal with. Why would I need a pack for that? Im such an idiot. Thats going right on the list of things never to leave the house without again, he told himself. Terry was so fixated on getting away from the dire wolves that he very nearly ran himself right off the edge of a cliff. It wasnt a huge cliff. He thought it was maybe fifty feet. He briefly entertained the idea that he might be able to withstand jumping down that far. He decided that he needed a second opinion on that idea. What do you think? Will I live after a drop like that? Live? I expect youd probably live, said other-Terry. That sounds like you think its a bad idea. I wouldnt go so far as to say its a bad idea. I just dont know that its a good idea. I do think youd live through it. I just wouldnt want to guess about your condition after the fall. Again, that sounds like you think its a bad idea. Do you think Id be badly injured? Did I not just say that I wouldnt want to guess about your condition? You did, admitted Terry. Good. For a second there, I thought I must have hallucinated that part of the conversation. The truth is that I honestly dont know if youre durable enough to walk that off. On the one hand, its just gravity. Theres no magic there, just regular old physics, and youre at least a partially magical being these days. That means that youre generally less susceptible to injury and death from things like normal physics. Up to a point. On the other hand, its fucking gravity. Otherwise known as one of the least merciful of all natural forces in existence. It is not your friend. Its nobodys friend. So, yeah, you might walk away from the fall. Also, yeah, you might break both your legs, shatter your pelvis, and compress your spine like a loaf of white bread in a trash compactor. Oh man, said Terry with a wistful note in his voice. Do I ever miss white bread. Practically no nutritional value but that shit made for great peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Focus! What? Im hungry. In case you didnt notice, Ive been running at like gazelle speeds for close to five hours now. Ive burned a few calories, and theres not a taco truck in sight. Other-Terry went quiet for a second or two. Okay, he acknowledged. Thats actually fair. Still, maybe not the best time for that discussion. I know. Those god damned dire wolves are going to catch up No! Theyre here! Terry swung his gaze around in a desperate search for the pack. He didnt see them, but he could hear them. Low growls almost beneath the threshold of even his magically-enhanced hearing reached his ears. While hed been distracted with tiredness, hunger, and the possibility of leaping to potential escape, the wolves had closed the gap. Well, I think Im kind of fucked. Dont be a jackass, retorted other-Terry. You can still fight. Hell, you can even try jumping. They damn sure arent going to follow you over the edge. They have better sense than that. Well, what do you recommend? Going back in time, trusting me not to turn you into a sociopath, and learning how to use your power. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. How about something I can do now, said Terry before his brain stutter-stepped over an idea. Wait. Can I really do that? Go back in time? No! You cannot go back in time! Why not? Because reasons! Head in the game, Terry! Okay. Okay. So, jump or fight? There was a pregnant pause during which Terry could feel that other consciousness in his head thinking hard or running calculations or pondering the mysteries of cottage cheese for all he knew. When other-Terry finally did weigh in, he sounded very reluctant. Fight. Why do you sound so unenthused about that? Probably because youre bound to get hurt, and then the whining will be endless. Thanks for the pep talk, coach. Do I look like a cheerleader to you? Go kill some wolves. Try using this life-or-death situation to have that epiphany about channeling ice. At least, then, some good might come out of all of this. Oh my god, youre like a broken clock, muttered Terry. Before other-Terry could chime in again, Terry sent another of those fist blast things at a spot where he was pretty sure a couple of the dire wolves were hiding. Their pained howls told him he was right. I guess this is where it gets bloody. Taking a deep breath, he drew a jian and pressed some power into it. It took on that red glow again. I really wish I knew what I actually was doing with that. If I did, maybe Id feel a little less Sith-ish. Then again, maybe thats what I need right now. Alright, you overgrown basset hounds. Lets get this done. Terry planted a foot and shot back into the forest proper. No sooner was he in among the trees than a dire wolf lunged for his leg. The same one that had gotten bitten earlier. Oh no, you dont, thought Terry. He executed a sliding turn that let him sucker punch the wolf so hard that some of its teeth shattered and it stumbled away with blood flying from its mouth. Since he knew that these things liked to coordinate their attacks, he slashed blindly behind him. He felt the telltale resistance of the sword passing through something and hot blood splashed his back and neck. Thats never going to stop being disgusting. He completed the three-sixty spin and uppercut a wolf that was jumping over one that missing the top half of its head. It was not lost on him that the uppercut would have failed if these things had been normal-sized wolves. Of course, I wouldnt have had to run from normal wolves. You didnt have to run from these wolves. It was just the smarter course of action, noted other-Terry. I dont need color commentary, growled Terry. This isnt a basketball game. Youve never watched a basketball game in your life. Not the point! shouted Terry as he dove to put some distance between himself and the latest attacker. Things went okay for a while, as he dodged, slashed, and punched his way through some of the dire wolves. At one point, when the fight drifted back near the cliff, he even kicked one right out into open air. The look of panicked surprise in the wolfs eyes might even have been a little funny if hed been given a chance to enjoy it, but the other wolves demanded his immediate attention. In the back of his mind, he even let himself start to think that he might win this thing. He wasnt killing all of the wolves fast. He was killing them, though. But the phrase brought down by sheer numbers sprang abruptly to mind when he misjudged a thrust and those glossy teeth snapped shut around his forearm. He immediately lost his grip on the jian and it fell to the ground, no longer giving off the simultaneously eerie and comforting glow. The wolf jerked at his arm. The pain was incandescent, blotting out everything else in the world. By the time he regained any sense of sanity, he was standing over the mutilated body of a wolf, his chest heaving, and a blinding rage coursing through him. Everything after that became a haze of animalistic violence, and the wounds started to stack up. They were small cuts and tears at first, but his greatest defense had been disciplined violence and tactical retreats. Sanity came back to him when a wolf actually took a piece out of his thigh. He crashed to the ground, adding his own howls of pain to those of the dying wolves around him. His vision cleared as his thought took on some semblance of order again. He tried to stand. He thought he still had the strength for that, but the explosion of agony from his leg sent him back to the ground. He looked around and spotted four wolves cautiously closing on him. He considered using the fist blast move again, but he knew hed never get all four before they got him. He was supremely confident that he didnt get bonus points for only being torn apart by two dire wolves instead of four. I dont suppose that channeling ice will let me kill all four of them, will it? Yes! Other-Terry sounded extremely exasperated. Why do you think Ive been harping on it for the last five or six hours? Funsies? Do or die time, I guess. Terry gave the task his undivided attention. He still didnt understand what he was supposed to do. I dont really understand how the fist blast thing or the glowy sword thing works either. Maybe, I dont need to understand. Hed never understood that crowd that implicitly bought into the idea that knowledge was somehow the enemy. That just seemed stupid. Even so, he also didnt think that he was even remotely smart enough to have a stranglehold on truth. People had correct intuitions about stuff all the time. There had to be something to all that mysticism that centered on feeling your way to enlightenment. If he couldnt just brute force it, and he lacked the knowledge to do it, maybe he could just feel his way through it. Sort of like the fist blast, only with ice, he thought. It felt like it took an eternity, even if he knew it was only a second or two, but a trickle of something cold, horribly, deathly, impossibly cold, seeped out of his core. He felt like it was going to leave his insides flash-frozen. He didnt fight it, though. He leaned into the feeling. After all, he was dead either way. That moment of acceptance seemed to open a gate inside of him, and the trickle became a torrent that rushed toward his hands. He didnt try to direct it. He just held up his hands and let whatever was going to happen, happen. All of that cold rushed out of him in one tremendous burst. The temperature dropped so fast that he instinctively closed his eyes against it. Then, there was just a crackling noise all around him. Terry waited for jaws to clamp down on him but none came. He hesitantly opened his eyes and found a world coated in ice an inch thick, including four dire wolves. Are those things dead? he asked in an exhausted voice. Oh, theyre dead, said other-Terry. Thank god, murmured Terry. He tried to stand again, made it part way up, and then flopped backward when the pain overcame him. It took him a moment to realize that his head was hanging off the cliffs edge. He hadnt even realized they were that close again. He saw something down below that he couldnt quite make sense of from his upside-down perspective. He made himself roll over and look again. Once he understood what he was seeing, he pushed himself back from the edge and let his face rest against the chilled stone. Down below and set what was probably a couple of miles from the cliff was a camp. A big one. A big fucking camp of what looked like monster soldiers. Screw you, Chinese Period Drama Hell. You and the trope you rode in on. Chapter 65 – Unavoidably Present and Visible At first, Terry just had to focus on doing what he could to heal up. That meant dragging himself far enough away to find some dire wolves there werent frozen straight through. It wasnt really that far, maybe a hundred feet, but it felt like ten miles to Terry on his injured leg. Slipping and falling three times did nothing to help that. Once he found something other than wolfsicles, he went digging for cores. He even found a few and, mercifully, he was able to absorb them. That seemed to supercharge his already fast healing, which was a mixed blessing. Yes, his leg stopped hurting so much. Unfortunately, the entire area where the wolf had torn a chunk out started itching like crazy. Not just the skin that regrowing at a nearly visible pace, but the flesh that was reforming inside his leg was itchy. Talk about having an itch you cant scratch, thought Terry. This is maddening. Next, he built a fire, which was an achievement in itself since he hadnt brought any flint with him. Hed ultimately been forced to do the old spin the stick to generate heat thing. Other-Terry had been babbling about channeling fire, but Terry couldnt think straight long enough to do anything with that. It had been everything he could manage just to find some dry wood and spin the stick. He suspected that the process went easier than it would have back on his old world, but he didnt care about that at all in the face of a nearly all-consuming hunger. Once the fire was going, there was the matter of food. He settled on the easiest fix. He made primitive wolf kabobs. Terry considered the meal he was cooking and admitted to himself what it was. Yeah, thats just meat on a stick. Kabobs have vegetables on them, he thought, or they should, damn it! He realized that thought was a little crazed and there wasnt much he could do about it. He was so hungry. His stomach had been making grumbling noises nonstop for a while. It was everything he could do to stop himself from just seizing the half-cooked meat from the spit and eating it that way. That gnawing, aching, desperate need for food drowned out just about everything else. For most of an hour, he just stared at the slowly charring meat without really thinking about anything. Finally, inevitably, he couldnt make himself wait any longer. He seized the spit and started taking huge bites out of the meat. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had a sense of what he must look like. Hed been covered with blood, some of it the wolves, some it his own. His clothes were torn to shreds. He was eating meat that could only generously be called cooked. There were dire wolf corpses littering the area around him. Bloody juices were dripping off his face as he ate the meat. It looked like hed gone on a killing spree and then plopped down in the middle of the carnage to have himself a nice meal, caveman style. He was vaguely consoled by the fact that he was so hungry that he wasnt even really tasting the meat itself, which was probably a blessing in disguise. Supposedly, it was the fat that made meat taste good, and he hadnt noticed much fat in the wolf meat. When hed eaten what had to have been pounds of meat, the yawning chasm of need that had swapped places with his stomach for a while was sated. Rational thoughts that did not revolve around hunger or dealing with hunger started to creep into his mind. He pushed them away at first because he didnt want to deal with them, yet. He tentatively stood and put some weight on his injured leg. He knew it wasnt fully healed yet because it was still itching like crazy, but it supported his weight without making him want to flinch, cry, or curl up into the fetal position. He considered that good progress. He went back to where there had been a small kingdom of ice earlier. Much of the ice had melted away in the summer weather, but there were still more than a few well-shaded trees that bore a coating of ice. He wasnt really worried about the trees. He was looking for the jian hed dropped when that wolf bit his arm. It took him a while to find it. Hed only had a vague sense of where hed dropped it to begin with, and the fight had ranged a lot farther than he thought it had. So had his impromptu ice storm. There was destruction to the local vegetation that stretched for close to half a mile. It was only his extra speed that made the task something that didnt require a team and days of effort. After he dragged the sword out from beneath a dead dire wolf, he dried it off as well as he could. He wasnt sure if stainless steel was a thing in this world, so he didnt want to invite his trusty weapon to rust away on him. After all, who the hell knew what melting magical ice would do to regular metal? If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Terry conceded that he could probably pose the question to other-Terry, but he didnt care enough about the answer to do that. Not yet, at any rate. That other personality had done more talking in one day than it had in months, and it was kind of acerbic for Terrys tastes. If he was less tired and closer to the comforts of his own home, he might have felt differently about it. He decided he could do without the snark as things stood. He also took the time to harvest cores from the wolves until he reached a point where he couldnt absorb any more of them. He wasnt sure how he knew he was done. He just knew. He was wildly disappointed that he didnt have head sack with him, not that he could have fit all those heads in there even if he tried. Head sack had proven itself very durable, but Terry recognized that hed need a tarp or a cart to get all those heads back to town to turn in. A task he meant to accomplish soon because those damn wolves had to be worth something and he was getting mighty short on cash again. Hed never really been easy come, easy go with money in his old life. Hed been more of a save-for-a-rainy-day kind of guy. Hed been so distracted by everything when he first arrived that money had been a very means to an end thing. With at least a semi-permanent place to sleep at his disposal, that need for money had started to weigh on him again. Feeling that he didnt have any more excuses, Terry very grudgingly walked back over to the cliff and looked out at the valley below. Specifically, he looked at the spot where hed seen that camp before. Like a sink full of dirty dishes that you hoped would have washed themselves, the camp was still there. It was still filled with what looked like monsters, although even Terrys enhanced vision could pick out the details. He just knew what a human shape looked like, and the things down there didnt have it. He also knew uniforms when he saw them, and those things were wearing them. He spent most of a minute just glaring at the scene below before he turned his gaze skyward. Goddamned, motherfucking deus ex machina! The granddaddy of all bullshit tropes! Youre dropping that on my head? Terry could almost feel god, or whatever passed for god in this isekai shitshow, looking down at him and giggling like a maladjusted junior high student with a magnifying glass and a convenient ant hill. Hed spent months of his new life traveling south just to avoid a war. Hed finally found a place that wasnt filled with hateful people he wanted to avoid at all costs. Hed gotten himself a house. All of that, just to find monster soldiers camped uncomfortably close to his new home. True, they werent that close in objective terms. Hed been running from those wolves for hours. Still, he didnt imagine it would take a lot of marching for those things to make it to where he was living. There were more than enough of whatever those things were to raze the town to the ground. He estimated that there had to be a few hundred. The real problem wasnt the camp he was looking at. He couldnt get any sense of how strong those things were at his present distance, but he suspected a large party of rank three and a few rank two adventurers could clear out that camp. The problem was that where there was one camp of soldiers, there were bound to be other camps of them. And this army wasnt some abstraction that hed only heard about, like the army of evil to the north. This army was right in front of him. Unavoidably present and visible to his eyes. In a place where he wanted to stay and not have anything to do with the stupidly pretty people. He knew he could just leave again, but where would he go? If there were enemy soldiers here, they could be anywhere. Terry let his head droop. Son of a bitch. Im going to have to do something about this, arent I? Other-Terry chose that moment to reassert his existence and asked, Are you just now figuring that out? I really dont like you, said Terry. You think Im living the dream in here? Fat chance. Shaking his head and checking the position of the sun in the sky, Terry sighed and started trudging in the direction of the town. Hed be walking all night to get back there before the others started to worry. And they wont even be worrying about the right thing, thought Terry. Chapter 66 – If the Army Comes Here What happened to you? asked Analina as Terry approached his house. Terry stared at the Adventurers Guild admin and thought, Oh, dear god, why is she here? I dont have the energy to deal with anyone that chipper today. Heaving a world-weary sigh, Terry looked at the woman, tossed aside the notion of an internal monologue, and said, Dear god, why are you here? I dont have the energy to deal with anyone as chipper as you today. Analina looked shocked for a moment before a fleeting look of legitimate hurt passed over her features. She swiftly disciplined her expression into something neutral, but Terry had seen it. And he felt like an asshole for causing it. The woman was an annoyance, for sure, and a little devious, but she wasnt evil. Being upbeat wasnt a sin the last time he checked. She certainly hadnt had that coming. It''s not like she personally told those damn wolves to chase me. She hadnt shown up in the middle of the night for something trivial. Shed just had the misfortune to visit on a day when Terry was really, really, really done with Chinese Period Drama Hell bullshit. Sorry, he said as he reached up and rubbed at his eyes. I had a very long day yesterday and an even longer night getting back here. I shouldnt have taken that out on you. Come inside. Terry opened the door and entered, Analina trailing behind him. Even though hed only owned the place a brief time, he still felt the telltale unburdening, the inexplicable feeling of security, that always accompanies returning to ones home. His shoulders loosened a bit, but not as much as he might have wanted. Those monster soldiers remained far too close for his comfort. Analina was still there; no doubt having arrived to try to talk him into doing something else he didnt want to do. Although, he supposed that wasnt entirely a bad thing. He would have had to go talk to her anyway. Any organized threat that close to the town was as much a problem for the Adventurers Guild as it was for him or any local noble. For all he knew, they represented a threat to the entire region. He just would have liked to do a few things before all of that caught up with him. Small matters like washing off about a gallon of dried blood and collecting those dire wolf heads. I guess thats a trope in its own right, he thought. Things always happen when theyre inconvenient. It was also a trope that applied to life in general, even back on his original world. It wasnt special to him. It was just irritating. Hed also neglected to account for Ekori, Jaban, and Haresh being right there waiting for him. There were questions. So many questions. All at the same time. Flying through the air and hovering around his head like wasps. He ignored all of them and went looking for something to drink. He found a pitcher that was half-full of water. He didnt know where it had come from, and he didnt care. He lifted the pitcher to his lips and drank the pitcher empty. Hed eaten enough dire wolf meat that it had kept hunger at bay, but it was damn hard to be certain that water was clean enough to be safe in the dark. He continued ignoring everyone and their question as he went and found a waterskin. He drank and drank from that until he felt like he might pop. Only then did he go back to face the others who had fallen silent after he was so obviously not going to say anything until he was ready. First things first, he said pointing at Analina. I figured out what probably killed the people you sent to investigate. What? she asked, curiosity burning in her eyes. A pack of dire wolves. Dire wolves? she repeated. Here? They havent been seen in this area in over a century. A pack? asked Jaban a little skeptically. How many is a pack? Terry had done some counting on his way back, so he had an answer ready to go. Thirty four, he said and then lifted a hand. Wait. No. I kicked that one off the cliff. Thirty five. You saw a pack of dire wolves that was thirty-five strong? asked a stunned-looking Ekori. No, said Terry, getting relieved looks from everyone. I killed a pack of dire wolves that was thirty-five strong. Well, I guess I dont know that one that went over the cliff actually died. I definitely killed the rest. That was a huge pain in the ass. Everyone was staring at him. It resurrected some of that social anxiety hed been whittling away at ever since he arrived in this new, terrible, horrible, awful world. What? he demanded. Haresh recovered first and asked, How big were they? About the size of horses, I guess, said Terry before he fixed Analina with a firm look. I expect to be compensated for all that work. I just need to go collect all their heads. I know you people need proof. That reminds me. Does anyone know where I can get a really huge blanket or a cart? Maybe both? If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. As big as horses? asked Ekori, her voice a little numb. I dont believe it, said Jaban. Look at me, said Terry waving a hand at his tattered, bloody self. How do you think all of this happened? I started Jaban. Thats what I thought. So, big blanket? Cart? Im sure we can find something, said Analina. Im glad that you dealt with them, even if it is going to cost me an arm and a leg, but thats not why I came here. Lord I wasnt dont yet, said Terry. While I was out there butchering dire wolves, I saw something you all need to know about. Four pairs of expectant eyes locked on to him. It was a little creepy if he was being honest with himself. Theres a camp of what looked like monster soldiers off that way, he said and waved a hand in the general direction hed come from. That revelation led to a lot more shouted questions that ran into each other and melded into a lot of noise that Terry just ignored for a while. At one point, he walked away and found a piece of fruit that someone had left out. He ate it while the others kept peppering him with questions. Of course, only catching one word in three made it impossible to guess at what the actual questions were. Not that there was much mystery to it. They were almost certainly yelling at him to give them details or asking him things he couldnt possibly answer. He knew his first question would have been about where they came from if he was in their shoes. He thought they might eventually wind down, but the longer it went, the more deafening they became. It was like they were that worst kind of American tourist in a foreign country. The kind that imagined that saying things louder in English would somehow make their words understandable. Quiet! bellowed Terry. This is exactly what I imagined it would be like going to a rock concert. Loud and incomprehensible, and thats before you take the audience into account. Everyone elses stunned silence turned into confused silence as they tried to make sense of Terrys other-world nonsense. Exactly as planned, he thought. He took those precious moments of quiet to finish eating the vaguely pear-ish fruit hed found. When that was done, he wiped his mouth and pointed at Analina. You. Ask a question. That was how it went for the next ten minutes until they all figured out that he really didnt know anything more than what hed told them. He didnt know enough about this world to have identified anything useful about the small army hed seen. He hadnt been close enough that other-Terry could glean anything either, working primarily from Terrys awareness and memories as he was. Other-Terry had suggested they could get closer to scout some information. Terry had shut that shit down immediately. He was not trained for that kind of thing, and hed been in no shape for another brutal, extended fight. Something that had seemed almost inevitable if hed been seen, which had also seemed almost inevitable. Plus, an army was definitely not a problem for him alone. Pretty soon, the other four were bickering among themselves about what to do. Terry took the opportunity to slip away and head outside. There was a well nearby, and he drew up a bucket of water that immediately tipped over his own head. He tried not to notice the way the runoff from his makeshift bath stained the ground red. It was a little revolting. Shower, he thought. I need to find someone who can make me a shower. He poured several more buckets of water over his head before he noticed that Dusk was sitting nearby, watching the process with a mixture of fascination and deep wariness. He glanced around and saw Drumstick even farther away and looking even more apprehensive. He shook his head at the chicken-lizard. You literally live outside. How can you possibly be afraid of a bit of water? Drumstick squawk-roared something at him that Terry couldnt make sense of. Terry contemplated a couple more bucketfuls of water. He did feel marginally less vile but suspected that he was going to need hot water, a mountain of soap, and maybe some steel wool to ever feel clean again. Just about when he resolved to do one more bucket, Analina came out of the house. She looked around, spotted him, and walked over. She wisely stopped several feet away. Outside of the bloody runoff radius. I really told you everything I know, said Terry. I believe you. So, this is something else? She hesitated before saying, I thought it was. Now, Im not so sure. Terry eyed her before it came back to him. This is about that noble, lord whoever, isnt it? Yeah, she admitted. He offered to double the payout on the contract but only if you took it. Let me guess. He didnt offer any more details, and now you think he knows about this army. You think he was trying to rope me into fighting this army without disclosing it. Well, yes, but I think it was more than that. I think he was trying to get you killed. Probably, agreed Terry. You dont sound surprised. Why would I be? This is exactly the kind of shit I expect from nobles. Someone probably put him up to it. Some other noble or maybe the Church. Im not sure it matters. Analina hemmed and hawed for a few seconds until Terry lost patience. Just say it, he ordered. If that army comes here, she said, looking as scared as she probably felt, what will you do? Terrys eyes wandered from the admin to his new house and then over to Drumstick and Dusk. It was an odd little life hed started to cobble together for himself. It was also the only life he was going to get unless he could figure out a way to summon and blackmail Truck-kun into sending him home. Since that struck him as deeply improbable, that made what was around him now it. This was home. The weird chicken-lizard and the four-eared cat were his family. Granted, Dusk was like a cute niece while Drumstick was like a weird cousin, but they were family all the same. Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban were his friends. Even the overly cheerful Analina was like some weird combination of work acquaintance and supervisor. Well, Terry? Asked other-Terry. What will you do if that army comes? Terry answered Analina and other-Terry at the same time. If the army comes here, Ill do the only thing I can do. Aggravating hero stuff. This ends Isekai Terry: Tropes of Doom Terry will return in Isekai Terry: Aggravating Hero Stuff Book 2 Update For anyone who has been wondering about book 2, I''m planning to start putting up new chapters starting on Tuesday, October 22, 2024. The current working title and probably permanent title for the volume is Isekai Terry: Aggravating Hero Stuff. I intend to stick with the previously established publication schedule of 2-3 chapters per week barring some deeply compelling reason to change that schedule. You may have also noticed that there is a new cover for book 1. That is not going to be the final cover. It''s more like a concept cover that the art manager at my publisher put together using AI to give me an idea of what they were thinking. I just liked it and thought it would be fun for you guys to get a kind of conceptual preview. The final cover for the book will be created by a human being who will be paid using actual money. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Artists of all stripes have a long history of not getting paid for their work, and AI is something of an existential threat to people who work in the arts. While I very, very, very grudgingly suppose that I agree that AI can be a useful assistive tool for visual artists when used appropriately, I do not condone replacing artists with entirely AI-generated content. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 1 – Corpse Detail Stupid dire wolves, grumbled Terry as he gave one of the bodies a desultory kick. Then, with a sigh, he threw another oversized wolfs head onto the big blanket. He had managed to secure a cart to transport the evidence of his mass slaughter to the Adventurers Guild. Unfortunately, getting it all the way out to where hed killed the dire wolves proved impossible. The going was too rough, and the trees were too densely packed in too many places. Hed semi-abandoned the cart, grabbed what he called the big blanket C which was actually several blankets tied together C and taken that out to where their corpses were waiting. He had briefly checked on the monster army encampment. They seemed content to stay where they were for the moment, doing Doing whatever monster-y things that monster army soldiers did in camp. That suited Terry just fine. Hed take action against them if he absolutely could not avoid it, but hed be damned if he was going to get proactive about that nonsense. As far as he was concerned, a monster army was a problem for people not named Terry Williams, and people who werent unwilling victims of isekai stupidity and the tropes that came with it. On his second viewing of the camp, hed felt the need to reiterate his loathing. Fuck you, deus ex machina. Once he was more or less confident that gathering up the spoils of his fight wasnt going to trigger another big fight, hed gotten to work. He had gotten a nice big strength boost from being run down by Truck-kun and deposited in another world, so it wasnt really hard work. It just rotated between being tedious, kind of gross, and something he wished was someone elses headache. A sentiment that almost perfectly summed up his entire experience since landing in Chinese Period Drama Hell. The only thing that livened up his experience of dead head gathering was when he had to chase off some kind of scavenger bird that looked like it might have been a vulture. Although, that vulture would have had to have died, gone directly to hell, worked its way up the ranks of hell through pure malice and violence, and then escaped to try to rob Terry of his hard-earned profits, but it was a vulture all the same. He briefly considered whether it was worth chasing the thing down and killing it. In the end, he decided that was too much work without knowing if he could wring some more gold out of the Adventurers Guild. He had killed all those dire wolves without knowing if it was profitable, but they had been trying to kill him at the time. The hell-vulture had limited its aggression to a nasty look and shooting a couple of half-hearted fireballs at him. The failure of those to drive him away had been enough to convince it to leave instead. Besides, he was leaving most of the meat behind. He just wanted the heads and any cores he might have missed. It could always come back later and gorge itself. Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban had offered to come out and help him with the work, but hed ultimately declined. Terrys willingness to be a little lazy in the right circumstances was offset by his conscience. There was just nothing redeeming or life-affirming about cutting the heads off of dead monsters. While Terry was only vaguely fond of Haresh and Ekori, and grudgingly tolerant of Jaban, even he couldnt countenance asking them to help with this kind of grisly task. Also, if they helped, they might expect a cut of the profits. He didnt mind letting them have some of the money for things that were easy to kill, but hed put in a lot of effort to bring these wolves down. He wanted every red cent of the money going into his pocket for these awful creatures. And youre broke, observed other-Terry. Yes, and Im broke, admitted an annoyed Terry. Thanks so much for that uplifting reminder. I do what I can, said other-Terry. If he was being honest with himself, declining help was mostly about that broke thing. Buying a home and even more so buying land wasnt cheap. It was still cheaper than buying a home back on Earth if he had his currency conversion math right, which was questionable, but that was a damned easy achievement. Cheaper had in no way made it affordable. With a bit of a shudder, Terry picked up the very last wolf head and tossed into onto the pile. He had at least had the good sense to start at the most distant body and work his back toward the ones hed killed a little closer to the house. He took a moment to pull out a waterskin and wash his hands before he gathered up the four corners of the big blanket and tied them together with a length of rope. The blankets hed gotten were more like canvas tarps than soft cotton. While he could maybe imagine using them to shelter from bad weather, he struggled to picture them on a bed. Shrugging the thought away, he started dragging the huge bundle back toward the house. The fact that only his absurd, enhanced strength made it possible was not lost on him. He would have needed a truck or maybe a four-wheeler to pull that load in his old world. He was surprised that he didnt have more trouble with scavengers and monsters on the way back to the cart. Maybe they just decided that anything with the brute power to pull that load was something they werent going to mess with if they could avoid it. Whatever the reason, he was happy enough to do without the fighting. He was still feeling a bit drained from the confrontation with the dire wolves. That attack hed done with the ice was really effective, but it wasnt the kind of trick he could pull out all of the time. He thought he might be able to do it twice in a fight, and then hed likely need a few weeks before he could do it again. An objective part of him was happy that there were limits on power in this world. It was still hard not to feel a little annoyed that he didnt have an easy-to-use trump card. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I guess it wouldnt be a trump card if I could use it whenever I want to. That sounded almost reasonable, said other-Terry. Did I miss it when you got a head injury in that fight? Jesus H. Christ! Dont you have an off switch? Not an A.I., snapped other-Terry. Dont I know it? An A.I. would have a useful feature like an off switch. I think youre confusing A.I.s with microwaves. Terry used the excuse of spotting the cart to ignore that last comment. He half-lifted and half-threw the giant makeshift head sack into the cart. It made a vaguely ominous creaking noise but ultimately endured the weight. Terry wondered if he should commission a sturdier cart for transporting things to the Guild but figured that he probably wouldnt ever need to move so many monster parts again. At least, he wouldnt if the universe had even the tiniest shred of mercy in it. Damn it, he thought. I better get that cart made. Shifting over to the cart sped up his progress considerably. His initial estimate barely had him making it back to his house before sundown. Now, he thought there was a good chance he could get to the Guild hall before Analina closed up for the night. That actually happy thought was dashed the minute he exited the forest and crossed over onto his property. There were people hanging around that he didnt know. He was equally sure that he didnt want to know them. They had the look of people that would aggravate him. Unfortunately, there was no good way to get to the trail that led into town without passing them. He hung onto the hope that maybe theyd come to see Haresh or Ekori. Anything was possible in a world full of magic, after all. Even that dim hope was snuffed when he saw an anxious-looking Haresh brighten up and point at him. A man who reeked of self-importance planted himself directly in the path of Terrys cart. There was a moment when Terry considered just walking over the guy, but he thought that was probably taking a bit too far, even for him. He reluctantly came to a stop. You are Terry, the rank 2 adventurer, pronounced self-important guy. Terry shot Haresh a look that promised retribution before he said, Yeah. Self-important guy stared at Terry, clearly expecting him to ask the obvious question. Instead, Terry started to walk forward. The other mans eyes went wide and then narrowed in anger. I am here on behalf of lord started self-important guy. Get off my land, commanded Terry. What? spluttered the man. I said, get off my land. Now. Self-important guy drew himself up and said, You peasant swine. I see you need to be taught your place. Guards, beat him. Terry let go of the length of wood that served as a sort of handle for the cart. He reached into a pocket and pulled out one of the stones hed picked up to deter monsters in the forest. The second someone started to move, Terry threw a rock at them. There was an almighty metallic gong noise. The breastplate the man wore crumpled. He was lifted from the ground and flung backward as blood erupted from his mouth. Everyone stared at the injured, possibly deceased man on the ground as Terry closed the distance with self-important guy. He seized the man by the collar and kicked his legs out from under him. As the self-proclaimed leader of this group hung from Terrys grip and slowly started to suffocate, Terry glared at the rest of them. Take your injured friend and go. Dont ever come back. The men all exchanged nervous, uncertain looks. Some of them glanced at self-important guy for direction, but he was too busy turning purple and uselessly scrabbling at Terrys arm to tell them to do anything. The guards seemed to sense that they were out of their depth and swiftly departed, carrying their friend. Terry, said an aghast Haresh. What do you mean to do with him? Terry lifted the self-important guy up so he could look him right in the eye. I mean to kill this man. Terry actually heard the mans bowel let go and, unfortunately, smelled the result a few moments later. You cant! shouted Haresh. Hes Calm down, said Terry. Im not actually going to kill him. Oh, thank the gods. Im just going to give him the treatment he wanted to give me. Im going to beat him within an inch of his life. You know, so hell know his place. One beating done over many objections by Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban, as well as a pleasant walk in the afternoon air later, a much more cheerful Terry pulled his cart to a stop at the town gate. He unceremoniously shoved the unconscious form of self-important guy off the improvised head sack. The limp body dropped onto the unforgiving ground with a thud while the town guards stared in mute horror. I need to take some things to the Adventurers Guild, said Terry, gesturing back at the cart. One of the guards found their voice and weakly asked, And the corpse? Oh, hes not dead. Just a trespasser. He made threats and tried to have me attacked, so I dealt with him. He should probably be locked up. Oh, said the guard in a relieved voice. We can see to that. You can go in. Thanks, said Terry and pulled the cart inside. Other-Terry seemingly couldnt keep quiet any longer. You have to know thats going to come back and bite you on the ass, right? Zip it, buzzkill, muttered Terry under his breath. Im finally in a good mood. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 2 – Almost Instant Karma Terry stopped the cart in front of the Adventurers Guild, only to consider it dubiously. Hed have to leave everything outside to fetch Analina. He did not imagine she would thank him for dragging a bloody, dripping, makeshift sack filled with wolf heads across the mostly clean floor inside. Of course, that meant abandoning the head sack outside. He shook off the worry that someone was going to make off with his prizes. Analina knew he was coming in with them, so shed be very suspicious if someone else appeared with them. He satisfied himself with tying the cart to one of the stone pillars that supported the banister that flanked either side of the steps up to the door. He blinked at that. Had there been banisters before? He thought back and couldnt rightly remember for sure, but he had the vague impression that they were new. Thats odd, he thought and then shrugged it off. Everything in Chinese Period Drama Hell was odd. Why should architectural details be any different? He climbed the steps, opened the door, and walked inside. As usual, there was a smattering of people sitting at the tables. A few of them looked familiar to him, but one group stood out. Four armored men sat around a table, three of them looking surly. The last one appeared to be both in pain, based on the way he kept touching his chest and wincing, and forlorn as he held a badly misshapen breastplate. Terry frowned. What the hell are they doing here? he grumbled under his breath. Deciding that ignoring them was the best course of action, he walked over to the counter where Analina was giving him an expectant look. I expected youd have some dire wolf heads, she said. I do. Theyre outside. Youll understand when you see them, he assured her. Before that, though, what are those four idiots doing here? He nodded in the direction of the table with the four guards hed chased off his property. Analina looked at the men, who were all glaring at Terry, and a gentle crease appeared between her eyebrows. She looked back and forth between them a few times before she answered. Theyre adventurers. Seriously? asked Terry. Yes, seriously. Theyre pretty good ones, too, for this area at least. All of them are rank threes, bordering on rank two. Youre overestimating them. Also, is it normal for adventurers to also be guards for some noblemans lackey? The crease between Analinas eyebrows deepened when she said, No, it isnt. Not without a guild contract anyway. Why? Well, thats what those four were doing earlier today when they came out to my house and tried to attack me. Analinas expression went flat when she said, Oh, really? Yeah, really. The one who looks like hes about to cry over that damaged piece of armor. I hit him with a rock. Did anyone else see them out there? asked Analina. Sure. Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban were all there when it happened. I see. The usual overly-friendly demeanor that Analina wore had vanished and been replaced with something far colder. She marched out from behind the counter and went directly over to the table where it was her turn to glare at the four, who all suddenly looked very guilty. Theyre not very good actors, thought Terry. Guild identifications. On the table. Now, said Analina. The men all flinched and reluctantly complied. She spoke a few words that Terry couldnt quite make out, and then there were four sharp cracks as the guild badges on the table snapped in two. All of the men at the table let out sharp cries of pain and grabbed at their right hands. Terry winced as he could hear flesh sizzling. Youre all banned for life, said Analina, as she stabbed a finger at the door. Get out! The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. A couple of them tried to raise a weak protest and were cut off almost instantaneously. No! said Analina. No more excuses. Ive looked the other way more than once for you four. But taking jobs off the books and then attacking another adventurer at his home. You better just hope that I dont decide to put out a guild contract for your heads. The four men shrank back from the brief tirade and then went sickly pale at the mention of a guild contract for their deaths. Their protests died on their lips, and they rushed out the door. Terry watched all of this with a sense of confused amusement. He didnt know exactly what was happening, just that those guys had apparently crossed one line too many for Analinas good nature to tolerate. He was, admittedly, curious about the story there. However, he decided that hed just settle for having seen the almost instant karma play out in front of him. Hed ask for the story some other time when the question would be less likely to draw a damn trope down on his unsuspecting head. After all, even he knew that it was not wise to question an angry woman about, well, about anything really. Analina stalked over to him with the four mangled Guild identifications squeezed in one of her hands. She went behind the counter, all but threw the IDs on the ground, yanked out a ledger, and slammed it open. She didnt even look at him when she asked, Anything you want to ask me about? Nope. Not a single thing, said Terry as he worked very hard to maintain a calm and respectful tone. She did look up at him then. There was a tense moment or two where he expected a volcano of misdirected anger to spew boiling hot rage all over him. Then, Analina snorted, and some of the fury bled away from her eyes. She spent a couple of minutes checking things in the ledger before she snapped it shut and put it away. Sighing, she collected the four IDs and disappeared into the back for a couple of minutes. When she returned, the anger was gone entirely, having been replaced with a look of weariness. She gave a halfhearted gesture at the door. Lets go see what youve brought me. Terry led the way outside to the cart that, he was happy to discover, had been left undisturbed. It had only occurred to him as they were stepping outside that those four had seen him with the cart earlier. If they had wanted to screw with him, messing with the contents of the cart or just taking it outright would have been a great way to get it done. He swiftly untied the big blanket and let it fall open. Then, he had to grab one of the heads that fell off the top of the pile. He managed to snag it by an ear before it landed on Analina. Not that she seemed to have noticed at all. Her mouth was hanging open a little as she just stared. She shook her head a little and seemed to recover her equilibrium. I see why you didnt bring them inside. Thanks for that. It would have been a mess. Yeah. This is she trailed off. Ive never seen anything quite like this before. I mean, you told me. So, I knew, but I didnt really understand. Terry tried to consider the mound of death in the cart with fresh eyes. Hed mostly been thinking of it as a pile of money, but this was different than coming in with one monster head. One monster head was interesting but swiftly dealt with. This heap of decaying monster parts couldnt be called interesting. It was just grotesque. But it was still a pile of money, and Terry wanted that money. Its a lot, admitted Terry. It took close to half an hour for Analina to catalog the heads. There wasnt an active contract for them so there was none of that slapping a paper on the heads business. They were, however, dangerous monsters, which meant that there was an open bounty on them. Analina did some things with a ledger and something that looked like a pencil. She had to take a blood sample from each beast and enter it into the ledger. After they finished all of that, she had him pull the cart around to the back of the Guild hall. It turned out that they had a device in a back room for disposing of monster parts that had no value. The contraption reminded Terry of an incinerator, except that it didnt bleed heat. Analina made him toss the heads into the device. He suspected that this was normally her job, but he decided it was a small enough price for a big payday. Theres no escaping that rank two designation now, she said after he tossed the last head into the device. Why is that? he asked. It was idle curiosity rather than any true interest. He was mostly resigned to the new rank, even if he hated all the annoyances it was bound to bring into his life. If he could have gotten it changed back immediately, there might have been some hope. By now, his status had to have been updated in whatever master ledger or magical database the guild used to keep track of people. If hed been tasked with setting up a similar system in his old life, he would have made it so that an alert went to a senior guild member the second anyone advanced to rank two or rank one. So, he expected that important people already knew about him. That particular cat had escaped its bag captivity. A lone dire wolf is very dangerous. A pack this size could have wiped an entire town off the map. We just got lucky that they didnt get hungry or angry enough to come here. A lone adventurer killing them all isnt something that happens. When it happens, its never a rank three. This is going to get noticed by the guild. Terry sighed. That almost certainly meant that whatever passed as executives at the Guild were going to show up to bother him. There was no taking it back now. Terrific, grumbled Terry. Well, can we at least settle up for these things? About that, said Analina with an embarrassed flush to her cheeks. No, dont tell me! groaned Terry. I dont have enough gold on hand to pay this out completely. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 3 – To Each Their Own Terry glared at Analina and fumed internally. This wasnt quite the heroism wont pay the bills trope, but it was definitely a kissing cousin to it. He mused to himself, is there an underfunded Guild hall trope? That assumed that this Guild hall was underfunded. The problem might be him unintentionally embodying some kind of overenthusiastic monster hunter trope. Except, he hadnt been overenthusiastic. Hed been ambushed by pack predators. He literally couldnt stop until he was dead, they were dead, or the pack ran away. You were not ambushed, noted other-Terry. You were inattentive. Those are not the same things. I dont need that kind of negativity, snapped Terry. Maybe not, but you absolutely needed a reality check. Your snark has been noted and will be punished, growled Terry. Oh, I tremble in fear, said other-Terry in a bland monotone. Terry went back to ignoring that other voice in his head that was definitely an A.I. pretending to be something other than an A.I. Analina was shuffling in place, clearly trying to come up with something to say that would mollify Terrys clear aggravation at this particular revelation. He sighed and softened his expression a little. This can be the first time something like this has happened. How does the Guild usually handle it? Looking deeply relieved, Analina said, Well, it sort of depends on you. If you only want gold, I can give you some now and put it in a request with the Guild to supply the rest. The dire wolves were recorded in the Guild records, so might take a month or two, but you will get paid. Okay, that sounds like theres some other options. There are. We do have some minor treasures that we can give out. Weapons, healing potions, that sort of thing. Im not sure we have anything valuable enough to cover what we owe you completely, but it would offset some of the balance. The other option is that you take a credit with the Guild. Terry was familiar with concepts of credit from his old world. Still, it was dangerous to rely on that knowledge to inform any interactions involving money in this world. He narrowed his eyes at Analina. And just what does that entail? he asked. In essence, you hold a balance with the Guild. You could use it to, for example, get some gold at another hall if youre traveling and find yourself short of funds. It can pay for a stay at Guild hall if you take a room there. You can also use it to get treasures at other Guild halls. Like potions and weapons, said Terry. Like potions and weapons, agreed Analina. So, he thought, its like having a deposit with a bank thats also a specialty shop for adventurers. All in all, it wasnt a terrible deal. Sure, the money wasnt earning interest, but he hadnt seen anything like a bank. For all he knew, the concept of interest hadnt even been invented yet in this world. For a moment, he fantasized about becoming a banking tycoon in Chinese Period Drama Hell but swiftly dismissed that idea. He was having enough trouble securing his own life. He did not feel at all confident about fending off the kind of trouble that would come if he was trying to secure other peoples money. Terry was also not thrilled with the idea of having to store all of his money in a pouch he carried around or in his home. He once again shook a mental fist at the sky for the dearth of bags of holding and other extra-dimensional mechanisms. That would have solved his money storage problem. So, there would be advantages to taking the Guild credit, especially if he planned on leaving the area. Of course, hed just bought land and a house. Traveling was not high on his list of priorities. It didnt help that trouble seemed to find him whenever he traveled. Not that trouble was doing its part and avoiding him now that he wasnt traveling either. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Of course, if he took the credit, it also meant that he didnt have the money. Not really. He could get it, eventually, but it wasnt a concrete thing in his possession that he could immediately trade for a sack of potatoes or, if the gods were merciful, give to the blessed merchant who would one day show up with celery. He mentally hemmed and hawed about it as he tried to weigh the pros and cons. The real issue in front of him was the same one hed faced since day one. His ignorance about this world forced him to rely on assumptions hed formed in his old life about how things worked. He only had a general grasp on the value of money in his new home. That made it damned difficult to make good financial choices. When he was constantly on the move, it had mattered less. Hed learned the hard way that he could survive in the untamed wilderness. He didnt really need money. It was nice and made things easier when he came into a town, but he could get by without it. Plus, he usually killed something in the wilderness that was worth something. Enough to buy food or a night at an inn at the very least. While hed never owned a home back on Earth, hed known people who did. Hed learned vicariously from them that there was always some problem that needed to be fixed, and it always cost twice as much as they had budgeted for that kind of repair. There was also that inconvenient army of monsters to consider. What if they burned down his house? While he gave himself decent odds of surviving an invasion or attack, he didnt know the first thing about building a house. He had to assume it would be expensive. How expensive? Who the hell knew? After he went in mental circles about that for a while, he finally just took a piece of advice about decision-making hed heard somewhere. In the end, making any decision was better than vacillating about the decision indefinitely. If he made the wrong call, hed just have to learn from it and do better the next time. Fine, he muttered. Ill take the credit. Ill make a note of it, said Analina. Her lack of surprise told him that this was apparently a common choice among adventurers. That made him wonder just how much money the Guild saved this way every year. Probably a lot. They might have to pay it out eventually, but hanging onto to that money even for a while was a good buffer against disaster. It made him consider again if the shortage of cash on hand was intentional. He wondered how they handled it if an adventurer died. It was a dangerous line of work. Rank five and rank four adventurers probably died pretty regularly. Did the Guild just keep the money and erase the credit from their books? Did they try to find next of kin to pay it out? As he followed Analina deeper into the Guild hall, he decided to ask. What happens to the credit if I die? You can designate someone to receive the balance. Most adventurers pick a family member, but some will pick an organization. Like what? asked Terry. Some pick the Church. I know that some adventurers will do something like adopt an orphanage and support it. I even heard about one man who designated a brothel to receive his balance if he ever died, said Analina with a disapproving roll of her eyes. Really? He said that hed received excellent service there. It was his money, so to each their own. I guess, said Terry. He had a hard time imagining even going into a brothel, let alone leaving what amounted to his life savings to one. Although, he supposed he might be importing some vague Puritan biases from his old world where brothels were illegal in most places. It wasnt the sort of business hed have ever thought to ask about. That made their status here a little hazy, but he hadnt gotten the impression that they were illegal. They just werent well thought of by others. He shrugged that thought off. Like Analina said, to each their own. It wasnt his job to worry about brothels. Like many other things in this world, that was a problem for someone not named Terry. He collected some money from Analina. It worked out to about a third of what they theoretically owed him. He specifically asked to get some of it in silver and bronze coins. Gold coins were pretty enough, but he doubted anyone but the Guild, the Church, or a noble could actually make change for one. That made them pretty useless for everyday needs. Which, he realized, probably also explained why this particular, rural Guild hall couldnt afford to pay him. Keeping that much gold on hand would be pointless because no normal person could use it here. Hed have to go to a bigger city to find places that carried things that would be priced in gold. Something he might need to do, now that he thought about it. His current weapons were adequate, but he had no illusions that they were high-end. Hed likely outgrow them if he kept getting stronger. There was also that monster army to think about. If he had to fight a hundred monsters all wearing armor and carrying heavy weapons, hed likely destroy his swords before he was done fighting. He didnt like the idea of going to another city. His experiences with population centers so far were less than ideal. Still, he liked the idea of not being able to adequately protect himself even less. If some church assholes or noble assholes decided to pick a fight, hed just have to deal with it. So, where do I go to get some better weapons? he asked. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 4 – Run Away As Terry stuffed things into his pack, he did his best to ignore Jaban. It wasnt easy given the amount of complaining, but Terry persevered. He was committed to the task. A fact that Jaban seemed to pick up on because he increased the volume of his complaints. Come on! I want to go! Terry looked around the nearly bare room that hed claimed as his own and decided that there wasnt anything left worth taking along. He straightened up and walked directly past Jaban, who had been lurking in the doorway. Ekori and Haresh were out there as well, but they hadnt been participating in the low-yield harassment campaign that Jaban had been carrying out. If anything, Ekori looked apologetic, while Haresh had a hand over his eyes and was muttering something under his breath that sounded vaguely like a prayer. Terry went into the kitchen and packed some dried goods into the pack. He made a mental note to stop in town to pick up some dried meat to take with him. It wasnt so much that he couldnt live on a vegetarian diet for a while, he just didnt want to. Jaban, it seemed, couldnt take the hint. He followed Terry into the kitchen with a reluctant Ekori and Haresh in tow. Why cant I go? he asked. Because I dont want to be responsible for you, and you cant be trusted alone. Whats that supposed to mean? Terry sighed and started over again. Maybe I should say, you cant be trusted alone. Terry pointed a finger at Ekori. She cant go alone. Terry shifted the finger to Haresh. And he cant let either of you go alone. That means that if I take one of you, I have to take all of you. If I do that, who will go out and kill things for Drumstick to eat? She might not need to eat every day, but she still needs to eat. Plus, if we all go, shes going to follow us. How do you see that working out? Jaban gave Terry a hard look and said, I still want to know what you meant when you said I cant be trusted alone. Exactly what it sounded like I meant. You offend women everywhere you go. I dont need or want that trouble. I cant find trouble all by myself, thank you very much. I dont offend women everywhere I go! shouted Jaban. Yes, you do, said Haresh and Ekori in unison. No, I dont, insisted Jaban, giving the other two a hurt look. Jaban, do you think I hustled us out of all those towns because it was fun? I did it to avoid angry fathers and brothers from tracking you down and beating you senseless, said Haresh. But said the young man. Its true. You think youre charming, but youre really not, said Ekori. Terry wasnt sure that little jab between siblings was going to prove helpful. Then again, he wasnt entirely sure that Ekori was trying to be helpful. Whatever the case, Jaban scowled at everyone before he stormed out of the house. Haresh gave Terry a long-suffering look. You could have been more diplomatic about that, suggested the older man. Probably, admitted Terry. I just wasnt convinced that hed understand it if I tried to be diplomatic about it. Hes very Terry hesitated with those words about diplomacy fresh in his ears. He has yet to grow out of some of his worst adolescent tendencies.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Haresh offered a grudging nod of agreement. Terry was turning to leave when Ekori gave him a strange look. Come to think of it, why cant I go? she asked. Aside from the whole part about taking one meaning taking all three? Yes. Aside from that. Terry glanced at Haresh, sighed, and said, Because you have hostage written all over you, and I dont feel like dealing with the hostage situation trope. Its always super complicated and never ends without some bodies on the floor. I just want to go and buy a sword, not murder a bunch of people. Whats a trope? asked Ekori. Terry was pretty sure shed asked him that at least once before, so he tried to remember what hed said then. He couldnt dredge it up from his memory. I probably said something snarky to her, thought Terry. Its something thats hugely aggravating to me, but probably not something you need to spend mental energy worrying about. If youre going to worry about something, worry about ranking up. I suspect both Haresh and I would feel a lot more comfortable if you were a rank three adventurer. Haresh nodded firmly to back up that particular sentiment. Ekori got a real serious frown before she asked the next and, Terry belated realized, inevitable question. What about me says hostage? Terry considered answering, rejected that idiotic idea, and said, Well, would you look at the time. I should get going, but Im sure Haresh will be happy to explain it to you. Then, without a trace of guilt or remorse, Terry dashed out of the house. He glanced around but didnt see any sign of Jaban. Probably for the best, decided Terry. Hed probably just want to fight about it if he was still around. He spotted a reptilian tail sticking out from the side of the house and walked over to look around the corner. Drumstick was sound asleep in a patch of shade with Dusk curled up on top of the chicken-lizards head. The little, four-eared kitten perked her head up, yawned spectacularly, and then lightly bounded down to the ground. She came over and rubbed against Terrys leg while he stroked her back. Satisfied with her tribute of affection, the kitten let Terry scoop her up and deposit her in the partially open sack. He felt her move around briefly before settling down to follow up her nap with, apparently, another nap. Shaking his head at the mysterious ways of felines, Terry headed toward the town. He passed through the gates with little more than a nod from the guards and made his way over to the market square. There was no guarantee that someone would have dried meat, but he figured it was the logical place to start. He did pause to adjust his rice hat to a slightly more comfortable position before he ventured into the market. As luck would have it, he did find someone selling dried pork and even some beef jerky. He bought up enough to last him for a week if he was a little sparing with it and topped it off with a few more root vegetables. He was making his way out of the market when a womans voice cut through the din of buying and selling. You! Terry hesitated. The voice was familiar. That was all the excuse he needed. Terry bolted like a scared bunny rabbit fleeing a coyote in the desert twilight. Hed eluded this particular trope once before, and he was determined to evade the annoying companion/romcom adventure trope if at all possible. Stop! shouted the aggrieved voice of Kelima Silventar. Terry did not stop. Hed been hoping against hope that the noble brat had cut her losses after theyd had a fistfight in her parents reception hall, or whatever the hell that room had been back at their estate. Getting mixed up with that girl and her nonsense was way, way, way down at the bottom of Terrys to-do list. It was only slightly above willingly casting himself into a portal to hell and at about the same level as swimming in gasoline and then lighting a match. Plus, he had a trump card. She had to worry about her dignity and the pride of her family. Terry wasnt dignity-free, but he was more than willing to sacrifice it on the altar of practicality. As for pride, hed let other people worry about that. That made running away a perfectly acceptable choice in his books. He doubted that chasing him through the streets of some small town was going to be nearly as acceptable to her noble sensibilities. He put on an extra burst of effort as he shot toward the gates. The guards gaped as they watched Terry pound toward them at speeds that probably rivaled a gazelles back on Earth. He flew past them, the air roaring in his ears. He hazarded one quick look back and cursed to himself. It seemed that Kelima Silventar was more willing to discard appearing suitably noble than hed credited. She was sprinting after him fast enough that, while she wasnt gaining ground, she wasnt losing it either. He couldnt help but wonder what the hell her adventurer rank was. Not that it made him slow at all. He kept right on sprinting south down the road, an angry noble brat hot on his heels and cursing his name. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 5 – Quit Complaining Terry leaned against a tree and tried to catch his breath. A few feet away, Kelima Silventar was bent over at the waist with her hands on her knees and gasping for air. Terry wasnt entirely sure if he should give the noble grudging credit or be supremely pissed. Hed sprinted down the road for the better part of an hour. Part of him had hoped in vain that the annoying girl would give up and go home. However, every time he glanced back, he saw her racing after him. Since looking at her was just stoking his anger, he closed his eyes and focused on taking controlled breaths. When it was no longer a struggle to get oxygen into his lungs, he spoke without opening his eyes. Gods above, woman, are you part bloodhound? WhatsWhats a bloodhound? she wheezed. Terry opened his eyes and glared at the girl. Its a kind of dog thats used to hunt and track. The noble brat gave him a look that was equal parts bewildered and offended. It was like she wasnt sure exactly what he talking about but was definitely sure that hed been insulting her. Terry supposed that shed gotten the gist of things even if she was hazy on the details. He also noticed that while shed done a good job of keeping up, he was recovering much faster. Hed mostly caught his breath again and thought that it would only take about one more minute before hed be ready to sprint away again. He probably couldnt keep up that pace for quite so long, but it didnt look like hed need to. Not based on the way the girl was still wheezing for breath. Part of him thought that maybe she was trying to lull him into a false sense of security. That concern was mostly put to bed when she gasped out a question. Why didnt you stop? Terry shook his head and said, Why the hell would I stop for the likes of you? Its not like I enjoy your company. Kelima Silventar managed to straighten up and seemed to finally be catching her breath. You could at least pretend to respect that Im a noble. Terry pretended to consider that comment like it wasnt the stupidest piece of nonsense hed ever heard. Then, he looked her right in the eye. I really couldnt. Arent you even going to ask why Im here? That would imply a level of interest that I lack entirely, said Terry. Well, Im off. Try not to let that monster kill you. He turned and started to walk down the road. Monster? asked Kelima. What monsteAhhh! A hulking form lurched out of the woods and took a swipe at the noble girl, who stumbled back and hastily drew a slender sword. Terry wasnt paying much attention to either. He figured theyd keep each other busy long enough for him to make good an escape. He was about ready to run again. By his estimation, fifteen or twenty more minutes of sprinting ought to give him enough lead time to find somewhere off the road to set up camp and avoid future notice from aggravating nobles with entitlement issues. He was trying to decide what to make for dinner when a cry of pain made him pause. That had been unexpected. He looked back and saw that Kelima had a hand pressed against her stomach. He could also see blood leaking pretty freely between those fingers. That didnt go the way I planned, he thought. Given the way shed kept up with him, he assumed that this would be a pretty easy fight for her. Not so easy that itd be over immediately, but easy enough that shed be able to win without too much trouble. Hed really just wanted to delay the girl for a bit. If he could make her life a little bit harder, well, that would have just been a bonus. He did not intend for her to die out here. He might not ever want to spend time with the girl, but its not like she was from the Church.This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. The monster reminded him a bit of a gorilla, but it also had strange, fur-covered wings, and claws that looked like they belonged on a bird of prey. It was the kind of thing he would have fought if Ekori, Haresh, and Jaban were along for this little trip. It was also faster than anything that big had any right to be, which seemed to be something of a theme in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Kelima fended off several fast strikes, but it was obvious to Terry that she was overmatched. If not for the blood that had soaked the girls hand a bright, nearly crimson color, he might have thought that this was all just a show for his benefit. However, he doubted she was so committed to tricking him that shed intentionally take a serious injury. She shot him a desperate look and shouted, Arent you going to help? Do you need help? he asked, still wavering about what to do. Leaving her behind was probably best for him in the short term. Unfortunately, if she died, he had no way of judging the unintended consequences. It might just get chalked up to an adventurer running into something she couldnt handle. On the other hand, he had no idea if anyone knew her intentions. If shed told someone that shed planned to go looking for him, it could mean an endless parade of people bothering him. Hell, he might even get blamed for the whole thing, which wouldnt be entirely false. He had engineered this situation by stopping where he did. Hed sensed the beast nearby in the forest. Something that was new since his battle with the dire wolves. He wasnt sure if it was a byproduct of absorbing all those cores or if some kind of sixth sense was coming into its own. Hed have to ask other-Terry about it at some point. Hed just been too busy running away to get around to it. Kelimas sharp answer snapped him out of his musings. Of course, I need help! You ass! Terry could feel the reluctant hero trope just waiting to pounce on him if he decided to help. He just couldnt see a good way around it if he wasnt prepared to let the stupid girl die. And, he wasnt prepared to do that. Inconvenience her. Sure. Aggravate her. At every opportunity. Leave her to die. No. He recalled that Rule Number Two was that human life was intrinsically worthless in this hellscape of might makes right, but hed made that rule when hed been much weaker. He supposed that there was some truth to the idea that benevolence and pity were the privileges of the strong. He was likely strong enough now that he could afford the luxury of occasional benevolence, however grudging it might be. Shaking his head at what he assumed was going to be a decision that caused him endless ass pain, he looked around on the ground nearby. He took a few steps, bent down, and picked up a rock that was a little smaller than a baseball. He hefted it a few times and decided it was good enough. What are you doing?! shouted Kelima. Terry took a few more steps to one side to make sure the noble wasnt in the line of fire. Im helping, said Terry. He drew back his arm and threw the rock. The rock passed through the monsters neck in an explosion of flesh and blood that Kelima did not escape. The attack all but decapitated the winged ape, which thrashed around briefly as its ability to breathe normally and all the blood flow to its brain abruptly stopped. It took a few, last, staggering steps before it collapsed to the ground with a thud that Terry could feel in his feet. He turned his attention to the girl. Her face was now as red as the hand over her wound. Even Terrys strong stomach turned a little when a sizeable piece of ape that had been clinging to the girls cheek slipped free and landed on the road below with a wet plop. I think Im going to be sick, said Kelima. Quit complaining, said Terry. You nobles. I swear. You said you needed help. So, I helped. The girl looked like she wanted to say something but then another bit of ape throat dropped off her shirt. It seemed that was the straw that broke the camels back. The girl took a few hurried steps to the side of the road, leaned over, and emptied the contents of her stomach. Terry watched it all with clinical detachment and then decided to be helpful again. Youre never going to make it as an adventurer if you let every little thing get to you, he called out to her. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 6 – You! While Kelima went a short distance off into the woods for some privacy as she tried to clean herself up, Terry took the opportunity to dig the core out of the ape thing. He was running about fifty-fifty on which ones he could absorb and which ones he couldnt. That turned out to be one of the cores he could absorb. Checking a twinge of annoyance, he posed a mental question to other-Terry. Do you have any idea why I can absorb some of those cores and not others? I assume it has something to do with affinities, answered other-Terry in a bored voice. Assume? You mean you dont actually know. Yeah, I assume, said other-Terry. Look. Im not a cultivator MRI machine. I dont have comprehensive knowledge about your core or cultivation. You dont know what your affinities are, which means that I dont know for sure what your affinities are. I can tell you all kinds of things that you can do with metal qi, wood qi, or earth qi, but it wont matter if you cant actually use them. Then how did you know I could pull off that ice trick with the dire wolves? Terry demanded. You absorbed some cores that had at least partial ice affinity. It wasnt exactly a quantum leap to the idea you could do something with ice. Terry was less than thrilled by that particular answer, but he supposed it was a bit late to be bitching about choices that had come and gone. Especially choices that ended with favorable results. He also had more pressing problems to deal with. Namely, one irritating noble brat who had done him the small favor of going out of sight for a little while. He decided to capitalize on that opportunity. He did stop long enough to finish the job of decapitating the ape monster and dropping its head into head sack. He glanced around to make sure that Kelima wasnt just hiding out and watching him like some kind of creepy stalker. Then, he set off down the road at a fast jog. He hadnt invited her on this trip, so she could fend for herself as far as he was concerned. He just wished that there were roads that branched off of the one he was on. As things stood, there were only two directions to go, and she knew which way hed been heading. With that thought in mind, he picked up the pace even more. If he could get a head start on her, then it ought to be simple enough to duck into the woods somewhere there wasnt anything too big or violently aggressive hanging around. The break to deal with the dead monster had also been more than enough to let his body recover from the earlier round of sprinting. He kicked things up a gear so that he was running. It wasnt the same kind of speed hed been using earlier, but he thought it was more sustainable. He almost tripped when Dusk crawled out of his pack to climb up onto his shoulder. She sank her claws into his shirt and closed her eyes, seeming to enjoy the sensation of the wind on her face. He kept looking over his other shoulder, expecting to see the noble girl chasing after him again. The road, however, remained mercifully free of women who had a bone to pick with him about Come to think of it, he had no idea what she had wanted from him. He hadnt bothered to ask because he genuinely didnt care. He was certain it was going to be something he wanted no part of, so it was a mystery he was content to leave unsolved forever if at all possible. When it was getting to be late afternoon, he extended his senses to see if there was something hostile in the area. Not finding anything that rang any alarm bells with the other knowledge, he left the road being as careful as he could not to leave any visible evidence of his passage. He pushed deeper into the trees than he normally would, hoping it was far enough to obscure the fire hed have to start later. It was getting chilly at night and, even if he suspected he wasnt susceptible to hypothermia anymore, he didnt like being cold. He also didnt particularly enjoy room-temperature food. This was one instance where he did sort of regret not bringing Ekori along. She was a way better cook than he was, even if she had given him some tips that improved his camp meals substantially. Still, a mediocre soup was miles better than plain jerky on a cool night.The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. He put up his tent, cleared a spot for a small fire, and set about gathering up some dry wood. That was always harder than he thought it should be in a forest. He was literally surrounded by trees. By his reckoning, there should be dry wood all over the damn place. Hed learned the hard way that wood was as likely to decay as dry on the forest floor. That always meant he needed to put in extra effort just to get a modest pile of burnable tree parts. He had started early, though, so he was ready by the time it actually started getting dark. Something else hed learned the hard way was that he needed to wait until some of the wood burned down to hot coals before he started cooking. The heat was just too uneven otherwise. By the time he had a pot of vegetables with a bit of dried meat and some spices bubbling over the fire, hed mostly put the thought of Kelima out of mind. He was amusing himself by encouraging Dusk to chase after a piece of grass he kept shaking near her. He made sure to let her catch it occasionally. If he didnt, shed get bored and refuse to play anymore. Since he wasnt trying to win at their little game, it was a small price to pay. Plus, the kitten got so excited whenever she caught the grass. Shed chew on it, or grab it with her front paws and try to rake it with her hind claws. He didnt know if it would be true when she was bigger, but he found watching her little paws attack the grass adorable. He supposed it was his own fault. Hed been keeping his senses out for predators, but it seemed those new senses were tuned primarily to monsters. Not people. He almost fell over in shock when Kelima burst into the clearing. Her eyes were wild with anger, and she lifted a hand to point an accusing finger at him. You! she shouted. Terry was sure that he was reacting to the wrong thing, but he couldnt help himself. He burst into laughter, pointed back, and said, What in the world are you wearing? The noble girl was decked out in a dress that might have been appropriate at some noble banquet. It was frilly, ornate, and looked entirely absurd in a forest campsite. She looked like shed gotten separated from some kind of fancy coach and stumbled out into the woods. Terry wouldnt have been surprised if a dragon showed up to eat her. She glared at him. I wouldnt have to wear this if someone hadnt gotten blood all over my other clothes and then abandoned me. Sounds like a tough break, said Terry in mock sympathy. Well, Id say it was nice to see you again, but it wasnt. So, goodbye. Oh, you think its going to be that easy? Think again, said Kelima as she sat down next to the fire and peered curiously into the pot. So, what are we having for dinner? Terry gave her a narrow-eyed look and said, Im having soup. Youre having whatever you make for yourself at your own campsite. I dont have one because I wasted a bunch of time trying to get ape monster blood out of my clothes. Since youre the one who put that blood on my clothes, the least you can do is share dinner. Terry was preparing to pick the irritating woman up by the back of the neck and bodily throw her out of his camp when, in an act of utter and supreme betrayal, Dusk went over and climbed into the womans lap. Kelima immediately melted into something gooey and cooed over the kitten. Oh, isnt she darling? asked the girl of no one in particular as she stroked the kittens fur. Dusk, ignoring Terry in that absolute way that only cats can achieve, started to purr loudly. Accepting that he wasnt going to do anything to the noble brat while she was holding his cat hostage, he grudgingly answered her question. Were having soup. What kind? she asked in a too-sweet voice. Glaring at Kelima like he was hoping that he could actually shoot daggers at her with his eyes, he said one word. Hot. She smirked at him, and Terry felt a trope close around him like a bear trap around the leg of some unwary hiker. God damn it, groused Terry in his head. He thought hed gotten away clean from her and that damned reluctant hero trope. Now, unless he was reading the tea leaves very wrong, he had a sidekick he didnt want. Just fucking dandy, muttered Terry as he scooped the soup that might or might not have been ready into two bowls. What was that? asked Kelima, still wearing that smirk. Nothing, said Terry as he manfully resisted the urge to throw the bowl at her. Eat your soup. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 7 – Orcs! Terry woke up early the next morning. It wasnt quite zero dark thirty, but it was close. Hed accomplished that particular feat by crawling into his tent almost immediately after finishing his bowl of soup and cleaning up afterward, thereby avoiding any meaningful conversation with the Kelima. He figured escaping the girl was worth at least one more shot. After all, anything worth doing was worth doing repeatedly. He swiftly dismantled his tent, tucked the still-napping Dusk into his pack, shot a dirty look at Kelimas tent, and was on his way. Shell surely get the point this time, he thought while harboring a quiet dread that nothing he did was going to get the idea across. If that happened, hed have to do the unthinkable and have a frank conversation with her about boundaries and leaving him the hell alone. The introvert that was still alive and well inside of him recoiled from that prospect. He had gotten better about meeting conflict head-on, but there was usually violence or money involved. If someone got violent, he had to defend himself. If someone tried to cheat him, well, he needed money. It wasnt quite as crucial as it had been in his old life where not having money meant freezing or starving to death on the streets, but he still liked having readily available shelter and food that didnt require him to hunt it first. Maybe that made him soft, but he was confident he bear up under the pressure of that insult. Either way, he had strong motivations to meet those conflicts directly. The kind of awkward, aggravating, interpersonal conflict that the noble brats continued presence heralded was something different. She wasnt too violent and there was no money on the line. He just didnt have that internal motive to address it. It was so much easier to just avoid it if he could. Although, she wasnt making that very easy for him. Besides, he had other and more important things to worry about. That monster army encampment bothered him a lot. It was far too close to his newly purchased house for comfort. If the monsters marched toward the Miners Mark, there was little chance that Haresh, Ekori, and Jaban could defend his home from them. He hoped that Haresh would hurry the younger two back to town where there was at least a chance of survival. No, Kelima was not his priority. Getting his new sword and getting back was his priority. Anything else was just a distraction. By the time it was light enough out to be called early morning, Terry was almost enjoying himself. If hed been able to walk at the pace he preferred instead of the fast walk hed taken up to hopefully outpace the noble girl, he might have actually been enjoying himself. The morning air was crisp, but his steady pace was keeping the chill at bay. Still, he was between pockets of civilization and looked human. It wasnt a terrible shock when three hulking, gray-skinned creatures emerged from the mist-shrouded trees to confront him. They had small tusks protruding up from their lower jaws and carried heavy, iron-banded clubs. Holy shit, thought Terry. Those are orcs. His amazement at seeing the things was swiftly snuffed out when the largest of the three let out a bellowing roar and lunged at Terry, club lifted high. Terry leapt backward. First, that let him avoid getting hit in the head with the club. Not getting brained was always something Terry considered an unalloyed good. Second, it let him gauge the strength of the monster. He got his answer when the club struck the road and sent a wave of dirt flying into the air. Okay, he thought. It''s pretty strong. It might have even seemed like an intimidating level of strength when hed first arrived. After squaring off against the foliasaur plant monster and a pack of massive dire wolves with seemingly endless endurance, Terrys bar for what qualified as frightening had gone way up. The lead orc bellowed in rage. It seemingly viewed dodging as a grievous and unforgivable offense. What? demanded Terry. You didnt think I was just going to stand there and take it, did you? All three orcs stared at him and blinked in confusion for several seconds. Terry wasnt sure if it was because people didnt normally snark at them, or if it was just the sound of his voice that had confused them. Either way, he decided not to waste the opportunity. He surged forward and punched the biggest orc in the chest. There were ugly noises as heavy bones in the things chest gave way. It flew back several feet before crashing to the ground. Terry started to turn his attention to the other two orcs when the first one staggered back its feet. He was astounded to hear noises like the bones snapping back into place.If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. Well, youve got some impressive resilience. Ill give you that much. I guess I should have been taking this a bit more seriously. Terry drew a jian from each hip and let himself settle into the more focused mindset hed started to adopt when facing serious enemies. He let his eyes focus a little into the middle distance. That would alert him if more than one of the orcs moved, although he got the sense that the biggest orc was now treating this whole thing as some kind of grudge match. It was even making a bunch of grunting noises like it was trying to hype itself up for something. This time Terry started moving a mere fraction of a second after the orc did. The creature was trying the exact same attack again, lunging forward and trying to bring the club down on Terry. Except, Terry was on top of the orc by the time it had managed to lift the club up. There was a flash of steel. The club fell away with an arm still gripping it tightly. Terry didnt even look as he swept the sword in his right hand behind him. It was only the telltale resistance on the blade and the orcs bellow of agony that told him hed connected. The other two orcs who had been standing back from the fight were seemingly engrossed by the sight of the huge club and arm falling to the ground. Neither of them was actually looking at Terry as he closed the distance with them. These things arent very bright, he thought. The sword in his left hand lashed out and took the head off of one of the distracted orcs. Its expression of confused curiosity never changed as the head rolled off of its shoulders in a spray of blood. He brought the sword in his right hand around and helped the other orc with the diet Terry imagined it was on by cleaving one of its legs off. He swiftly turned around to find one orc desperately trying to stop the explosion of blood from the stump of its leg. The leader of this merry band of idiots was leaving a trail of blood as it tried to crawl down the road with its remaining arm. Terry just looked at that for a minute and tried to figure out what was wrong with the picture. It finally hit him the orc leader wasnt using its legs at all. Terry could see where hed left a nasty wound near the base of the orcs spine. Sighing to himself, he went over and finished the job of the two orcs that were still alive. He added their heads to head sack, which now bulged ominously but showed no signs of actually giving way. He mangled all three corpses looking for cores but only found one in the leader. He was extra annoyed to discover he couldnt absorb it. He did take a minute to drag the bodies to the side of the road so that any farmers pulling carts along wouldnt have to go over the stupid things. He almost put them back when remembered the Kelima probably wasnt that far behind him, but he couldnt quite convince himself to be that petty. There also wasnt any way to be sure that shed be the one to find them first. Sighing a little to himself, he started heading down the road again. Unfortunately, he had no choice but to slow down. The person he was looking for didnt live in a city proper for reasons that Analina either wouldnt share or straight-up didnt know. They lived about a days travel north of the next nearest city. A place called Baleston, apparently. Of course, they also didnt right near the road like a sane person might choose to do. They lived off in the forest with all the monsters. There was supposedly a trail, but it was also notoriously difficult to spot unless you were really looking for it. He''d been scanning the sides of the road for the better part of an hour when she finally caught up to him. He glanced back at the girl who wasnt quite gasping for breath. I thought those clothes were dirty, he noted in a bland voice. Kelima tried to answer but had to keep taking deep breaths for most of a minute before she was finally able to gasp out some words. Self-cleaning and repair enchantments. Terry turned to glare at her. Youre telling me that there are clothes that will clean and fix themselves but no readily available storage treasures? Kelima was so surprised by the heat in his voice that she took a step back and said, Yes. What of it? Oh my god, I hate this place so much, growled Terry. Listen started Kelima. No. You listen. I think Ive been pretty clear about this, but maybe Im overestimating myself. So, have I not made it obvious that I dont want your company? demanded Terry. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 8 – Minder Kelima just stared at him with wide eyes and disbelief written all over her face. That silence went on for five very long seconds. Then, words exploded from the girl. What? Do you think Ive been chasing after you this whole time because I want to be here? Are you out of your mind? I dont care how pretty you are. No man alive is worth the kind of trouble you cause. And, on top of that, you have the personality of a crab-bear thats fresh from molting! Im here because my parents sent me here, you insufferable doom magnet! First, said Terry, holding up a finger to emphasize his point. What in the name of all that is holy is a crab-bear? Really? Asked other-Terry. You didnt find the name crab-bear sufficiently descriptive? Stay out of this if youre not going to be helpful, snapped regular-Terry. I find it very helpful to keep your ego punctured, said other-Terry. Oh my god, just shut up, said regular-Terry. Fine, said other-Terry. It looks like shes going to kick your ass in this argument anyway. Which part of the name did you find confusing? asked Kelima as she radiated scorn. Was it crab or bear? Terry had to suppress a sigh of frustration as other-Terrys howls of laughter rang inside his head. Im already tired of this, thought Terry. Lets just skip past all of the small talk and get to the point, said Terry. Why did your parents send you after me? Some of the anger and scorn faded from Kelimas expression to be replaced with a bit of sheepishness. They heard that youve gotten yourself on the wrong side of The Church. They feel like that was at least partly their fault since theyre the ones who put you in a room with Bishop Syndar. Terry blinked a few times as he tried to mentally sort out all of the Church people hed beaten up, killed, or threatened. It took a little while. Was he the guy who was very impressed with himself at that party? You seriously dont remember anything else about him? Its not smart to offend powerful people and then forget about them. Terry shrugged and said, He didnt seem that powerful to me. I didnt mean in a fight. I mean he has political pull. He can send people after you. Did you not realize that? Oh, he did that already, said Terry before pausing to think. Well, I think it was him. It was definitely Church people. Kelima tilted her head to one side before her eyes went wide again and her mouth formed an O shape. That was you? she demanded. Youre the one who embarrassed all those church soldiers and left Alment Kingsten on deaths door? Terry searched his memory again. There had been that one guy. He had been blathering something about being some kind of knight, hadnt he? The douche knight? Whats a douche? asked Kelima. Doesnt matter, said Terry not wanting to get stuck trying to explain that. Its just an insult. Yeah, that was me. Kelima reached up and started to massage her temples like shed suddenly gotten a bad headache. Heaving a breath, she continued. My parent think its mostly my fault since Im the one who had you brought to our manor. Well, your parents are off the hook. Its definitely not their fault. I was already on The Churchs bad side before I met any of you. I told them it wasnt their fault, said Kelima triumphantly. But its definitely your fault that I pissed off the bishop guy because I wouldnt have been there if not for you. Kelima pointed a finger at him and said, I wouldnt have done that if youd just had a conversation with me. It was the polite thing to do.Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. I didnt want to have a conversation with you, which you knew perfectly well. The polite thing to do would have been to accept that and leave me alone. Or does politeness only flow one direction in your petty little world of nobility? A dangerous look flashed in the girls eyes before she took a couple of breaths that appeared to steady her a little. Thats the other reason they sent me. Youve made it a habit to offend every noble youve gotten within fifty feet of. They decided that you needed someone to help you avoid that kind of trouble. The Church has to at least pretend that theyre not a bunch of murderous hypocrites and manufacture excuses to send people after you. Nobles wont pretend. Theyll just send people and keep sending them until youre dead. Terrys kneejerk reaction was to tell the girl to go home. He definitely didnt want an etiquette minder following him around and telling him to act like a timid coward whenever someone with a smidge of power or authority was around. That would be endlessly irritating for him and ceaselessly frustrating for them. On the other hand, hed made zero effort to ingratiate himself with anyone except the Adventurers Guild since his arrival in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Granted, hed expected to have a spectacularly short life in this new world. So, he hadnt really seen the point of playing nice with anyone. But, now, he owned a house. He had at least tentatively decided to make a life in this place. Hed also discovered that he was firmly in the difficult-to-kill category of people. If he insisted on infuriating every single person he met who had an attitude he didnt like, he would probably survive. Hed just never get a moment of peace. Plus, there was something else. How long do people live in this world? he asked. What? What do you mean by this world? I mean, this world. The one where we are now, as opposed to the one where I used to live. Youre an otherworlder? she asked. Yeah. The stupidly pretty people summoned me here. She mouthed the words stupidly pretty people before she said, The cultivators summoned you? They did. Why? Something about prophecies, heroes, and armies of evil. I wasnt listening that closely. But I heard enough to know it was a whole list of bullshit I wanted no part of. So, anyway, how long do people here live? It depends, said Kelima, her mind obviously still on the cultivators and Terrys summoning. On what? Well, it depends on who you are and what you do. A farmer might live a hundred years. Supposedly, there are cultivators who are thousands of years old, but thats just a rumor. Adventurers who rank up tend to live a long time, assuming they dont get killed. Whats a long time? Well, centuries, at least for the lower ranks. Once you get up into rank two and rank one, nobody really knows. Why? Terry had to resist the urge to start cursing. If he kept on as he had been, it could mean centuries, maybe even thousands of years of endlessly being hounded by people he didnt want anything to do with. He could practically feel the ennui taking hold at just the thought of all that hassle. Unfortunately, Terry was pretty sure that he would just keep acting the same way if left to his own devices. Hed never had good social skills, and entire industries in his old world had been devoted to helping people change behaviors that most of them ultimately failed to change. The takeaway from that was pretty obvious. Change is hard. You have to really want it, and he wasnt sure he wanted it badly enough to do the work on his own. Maybe he did need a minder. He just wasnt at all convinced that this girl was the right person for the job. Explain to me exactly what it is that your parents had in mind, he said. They want me to accompany you and help you avoid she paused. Being you, mostly. Very clever. How about you tell me what would that actually look like in practice? Kelima shrugged and said, I guess it would depend. Pointing out people you should avoid or at least avoid offending. Intervening to calm things down if you''re about to make an enemy for life. Assuming I can do it without putting myself at too much risk. Imparting some information about how people are expected to act around nobility. Yeah, that sounds awful, thought Terry. Awfully helpful, you mean, said other-Terry. Look, youre pretty strong now. Youll likely get stronger, but youre not invincible. You arent nearly strong enough to make the entire world your enemy and, frankly, thats the direction youve been heading. So, for both of our sakes, stow your social anxiety and let the pretty girl help you. I never said anything about her being pretty, objected Terry. You didnt have to. I can access your memories. Terry ran a hand through his hair and tried to decide what was for the best. Objectively, she probably wasnt the best person for the job. He didnt like Kelima, which made her a terrible candidate for life choice coach. He was also absolutely certain that she or her parents had some secondary agenda for all of this. On the other hand, she was right there, knowledgeable about this new world, and apparently volunteering to do the job for no pay. That made her an appealing choice because it meant he didnt have to go and find someone, which freed him from a whole lot of person-ing that he didnt want to do. There was one more thing he needed to know, though. Just how long is all of this supposed to last? Six months. My mother figures that should be long enough. And if I tell you to go home? Ill just keep following you. Why? demanded Terry. Because Id much rather annoy you until you literally lose your mind than get lectures from my mother for the next six months. Well, shit, said Terry. If he were in her shoes, hed probably keep following him around too. Maternal lectures were a special kind of hell that Terry had experienced far too often during his teen years to casually dismiss them as a motivating force. Fine. Ill play along with this for now. But you better keep up. Kelima didnt look happy about it, but he thought she did look a little relieved. Maybe there had been some punishment she hadnt mentioned waiting in the wings if she came back early. Shaking his head a little, Terry turned and started walking down the road, resuming his search for the trail. Kelima jogged to catch up with him. Hey, did you kill those orcs back there? What orcs? asked Terry, bending every ounce of his willpower on keeping a straight face. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 9 – That’s the Difference Do you always talk this much? demanded Terry. Kelima had been an official part of his journey for less than an hour, and it was already everything he could do to keep from strangling her. Not because he wanted her dead but because he wanted her to be quiet. Shed been talking and asking questions almost non-stop. It was just so much noise. If this was what he had to look forward to for the next six months, he wasnt going to make it. Or, he admitted to himself, she isnt going to make it. His question had at least brought the barrage of sound to a temporary halt. He exulted in the momentary lack of talking. Am I talking a lot? she asked. His glare was enough to make her take a quick step back. Yes, he said through clenched teeth. You are talking a lot. Well, Im nervous and you havent said a word. Thats because Im trying to concentrate. Well, if you told me what you were concentrating on, maybe I could help. No. You wouldnt help. Youd just ask a bunch of questions. You dont know that, said an indignant Kelima. Fine, said Terry. Im looking for a trail. A trail for what? Where does it go? Wait. Are you looking for someone? Terry stared at the girl for long enough that her cheeks turned bright pink. Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to the sides of the road. That damn trail has to be around here somewhere, he mentally grumbled to himself. There were five minutes of blissful silence before Kelima broke it again with a wholly unnecessary confession. Fine. I talk a lot. You should work on that, said Terry. That wasnt very nice. Im not very nice. Obviously. Terry thought that he was probably supposed to feel bad or something after that last snippy comment, but he didnt. Didnt you talk to people in your old world? she asked. No. That seemed to bring the girl up short because she just walked next to him for several steps with a stunned look on her face. Never? she asked. Oh, for the love of all that is holy. Ill tell you what. I will answer that question if you will promise not to say anything for the next ten minutes. Deal? Kelima gave him a sour look but finally said, Deal. Obviously, I spoke to people occasionally in my old world. But that world isnt like this one. I didnt have to talk to people for every little thing I wanted to do. So, I didnt. Then, I got dragged to this terrible place where I have no choice but to talk to people all the damned time, and I hate it! Now, here we are. Far from all the other people. It should be nice and quiet, but it isnt. So, please, for the sake of my sanity, I am begging you. Be silent for the next ten minutes. Terry had genuinely thought his plea for silence might actually touch some basic human pity in the girl, but he could see all of the questions just waiting to explode from Kelima. He turned away from her and vainly tried to find the trail again. Much to his surprise, though, she lasted the whole ten minutes. Then, the questions started again. What was it like on your old world? Silence. Why didnt you have to talk to people like you do here? Silence. Why did you call this a terrible place? Dont kill her, Terry told himself. It will be bad if you kill her. Killing her will definitely be very, very bad.Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. You know, said Kelima, youd be way less likely to start trouble if you just talked to people. Terry knew he shouldnt do it, but the words were spilling from lips before sanity could have its say. Thats the biggest lie Ive ever heard, said Terry. It would just delay the trouble. Thats not a lie. Talking to people gives you options. Only if you plan on doing at least some of what they want, answered Terry. If you dont, then youre just delaying the trouble. Once they find out youre not going to play along, theyll jump right to trying to force you to do it. Exactly like you did. Id rather just skip to the fight and be done with it. I didnt try to force you If you finish that sentence, you can turn around and go home right this second. Because that is exactly what you did. Kelimas mouth snapped shut, and she had the good grace to look at least a little embarrassed. That kind of entitlement is something I want no part of and damn near everyone with a scrap of power in this world has it. You cant survive if you refuse to bow to your betters, said Kelima. Better how? Aside from the fact that someone gave your family a title, what makes you better than any farmer I walk past on this road? Nobles have more responsibility, said Kelima. So what? Anyone can take up a responsibility. Having one doesnt make you better, especially if youre not the one with actual responsibility for anything. The way it looked to me, your parents are the ones with responsibilities. Those will be my responsibilities someday. But not today, right? Kelima scowled at him but admitted, Not today. So, aside from the fact that you will, someday, be responsible for something, what makes you better than that farmer I mentioned? asked Terry. I The answer is nothing. Nothing makes you better. Your family got luckier than that farmers family. Thats it. Kelimas scowl deepened. Youre oversimplifying things. Am I? We have this principle where I come from called Occams Razor. The basic idea is that the answer with the fewest complications is usually the correct one. The least complicated answer to my question is that nothing makes you better. You just think that youre better, which is pure arrogance. Like you dont think youre better than everyone else? You look down on anyone you think is arrogant or entitled. How are you any different? I dont expect anyone to bow, or pretend that they respect me, or do what I want simply because I exist. All I want is for people to leave me alone. Thats the difference. Much to Terrys joy, Kelima didnt seem to have a ready response. Instead, she fell into broody silence. Terry returned to looking for the trail. It took about half an hour before he finally saw something that looked like it might be a trail. He might have ignored it in other circumstances, but it was the first thing hed seen that even might be what he was looking for. Deciding to roll the dice, he stepped off the road and onto the trail. It took most of an hour during which he constantly expected to run across some kind of vicious beast or another, but nothing appeared. He didnt even get any warnings in that new sense of his that something was nearby. It seemed odd, but hed had enough crappy fortune since arriving that he was happy to accept this bit of good luck. He knew that they were in the right place when he heard the rather distinctive ring of a hammer on metal. Did you come all the way out here just to meet a blacksmith? Kelima demanded. I can think of at least six blacksmiths I could have taken you to that live in actual civilized places. Terry ignored Kelimas complaining and pushed forward until he stepped out into a surprisingly large open area in the forest. There was a modest house, a few small outbuildings, and one larger building that he assumed was the actual smithy. Now that hed arrived, though, he wasnt sure exactly how to proceed. Analina had warned him not to annoy this blacksmith, and interrupting their work seemed like a great way to do just that. Whoever this smith was, Terry had the feeling that they were like him. They mostly just wanted to be left alone. Nobody set up their business this far away from a town and this deep into the woods if they liked visitors. Before Terry could make a decision, there was a deep woof that he felt in his bones. A massive beast that looked like a slightly scaled-down version of the dire wolves that hed fought came bounding out of the smithy. Terry was taken aback and started to reach for a sword before he relaxed. Kelima, on the other hand, let out a shriek and started to stumble away. What are you doing? she cried out. We have to go! That stress level is going to kill you someday, said Terry before he looked at the enormous canine. The dog or wolf or whatever it was ran a couple of circles around them while Terry reached into his pack and managed to fish out a piece of dried meat from around Dusk, who halfheartedly batted at his hand. The huge thing zeroed in on the meat immediately and rushed over to Terry. It sat down, tongue lolling out, and its eyes never left the dried meat. Well, you dont scare easy, do you? Terry looked over to the smithy and saw a woman standing in the door. She was tall and looked broad in the shoulders, with short, dark hair and piercing blue eyes. Terry offered her a shrug. I suppose not. Is this okay? he asked, lifting the piece of jerky. The big beasts tail started thumping against the ground. The woman rolled her eyes but nodded. Terry tossed the jerky and it was snapped out of the air. I was told to give you this right away, said Terry. He pulled out a sealed letter that Analina had given to him and held it out toward the woman. The giant canine sniffed the air and immediately lost interest. It apparently decided that Terry wasnt going to feed it anything else and turned to look at the woman. She heaved a sigh and walked over to them. She didnt quite rip the letter out of Terrys hand, but it was a close thing. She cracked the wax seal and opened the paper. She frowned as she read it and glanced at him a couple of times before she finally turned a gimlet eye on Kelima. Who is she? Shes just a stray, said Terry, eliciting a choked noise from the noble girl. I made the mistake of feeding her once. Now, I cant get rid of her. Rookie mistake, said the blacksmith with a spark of amusement in her eyes. We all do it once. Hey! said Kelima. Im not a stray! Of course, youre not, said Terry before dropping into a stage whisper. Shes definitely a stray. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 10 – Blacksmith The blacksmith smirked and said, Well, you better come inside then. Alright, said Terry, happy to be making progress. Terry and Kelima both started walking, but the blacksmith held up a hand. No strays in my smithy. I am not a stray! shouted Kelima. The blacksmith ignored her and resumed walking. Terry howled with laughter as the noble girl stamped her foot. She seemed to realize that throwing a fit wasnt going to do any good. Walking over to a big rock, she sat down in a huff of crossed arms and scowling. After he stepped inside, Terry tried to look around but was almost knocked by theTerry tried to figure out what the thing was. Hey, he said to other-Terry. What is that thing? What does it look like? It looks like a dire wolf, only less homicidal. Other-Terry sighed and said, It doesnt seem like you needed my help for that at all, now does it? I was just wondering if its some kind sub-species or Oh, never mind. He resumed looking around the smithy and abruptly realized how futile it was. The only things he recognized at first glance were the anvils, of which there were several of various sizes, the hammers, and some vaguely tong-ish tools. From all the books hed read, he knew there had to be a forge in here somewhere. He was a little embarrassed to realize that hed never bothered to figure out what a forge actually was, let alone what it looked like or even what it did. He did eventually notice a part of one wall that had a heavy cover hanging down. He spotted some lumps beneath it that could have been weapons. The blacksmith cleared her throat. Terry turned his attention back to her. She lifted the letter. Do you know what this is? It felt like a trick question to him, so he shrugged and said, A letter? She rolled her eyes and addressed him like she might a child. Why, yes! It is a letter! How very perceptive of you! He wanted to feel annoyed, but he also thought that he probably had that one coming. Okay, so not just a letter. In that case, no. I have no idea what it is. Analina handed it to me and told me to hand it to you. So, thats what I did. You didnt peek inside? You dont do that kind of thing where I come from, said Terry. And where is that? Another world. Place called Earth. The blacksmith stared at him briefly before she said, Youre serious. Yep. I am part of the ranks of poor bastards dragged to this hell of yours from a very different place. The womans brow furrowed before she said, Huh. Terry frowned at her. Based on the reactions of pretty much everyone else, most people werent that surprised by his status as a person from beyond their world or universe or whatever Chinese Period Drama hell actually was. However, this woman seemed a little perplexed, maybe even put off by that fact. Is that a problem? he asked, hoping that he hadnt wasted his time and endured Kelimas incessant nattering for no good reason. What? she asked, blinking at him a few times. Oh, no. Nothing like that. Ive never actually met anyone from another world before is all. You hear stories about it. You meet people who say they met an offworlder, but it wasnt something I ever expected to happen to me. Oh, said Terry. This was one of those times when he knew his shit social skills were screwing him over. He was certain that there were words that he should be saying, things that would get them back on track or maybe put her at ease. He just didnt know what they were. Well, he thought, when in doubt, brute force it. He untied a coin purse and tossed it to the woman. She caught it, although it looked more like a reflex to him than a conscious decision. The blacksmith frowned at it before looking up at him again.Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. I need a sword, he said. Well, actually, what I really need is two swords. But if all that can get me is one, Ill take one. Something like this. He drew one of the jian at his hips and held it out for her to see. She dropped the bag of money onto a bench without even bothering to open it. Instead, she came over, looked at the sword, and flicked the blade with a finger. There was a metallic ting noise. The woman looked disgusted. That thing, she said with disdain dripping from each syllable, is trash. I know its trash. You take what you can get when you secure weapons from the corpses of your dead enemies. The sad part is that this is a big step up from the things I was using at first. You could get a sword thats better than that from any decent smith. Ive come to realize that I dont need a sword. I need one that was made for me. The blacksmith tilted her head a little to one side and asked, Why? Im pretty sure Im going to end up fighting a small army of monsters soon. I dont know exactly what kind of gear they have, but they were wearing armor. I dont want to have my sword breaking in the middle of something like that, he said and then clarified. Its happened before. The blacksmith went back over to a bench and picked up the letter again. She looked almost angry about it. She spun on him and thrust the letter out like an accusation. She shook it. You really dont know what this is? Terry let an exasperated noise escape him before he said, No. I dont know what it is. Why? Does it matter? Instead of answering his question, the blacksmith muttered, Damn that woman. There is clearly something going on here that I dont know about. I asked Analina who I should go to. She said you were the best. All I want is a sword. Im willing to pay for it. If you dont want to do business with me, Ill respect that and leave. Im the best, huh? said the irritated blacksmith. Are you not the best? Of course, Im the best, snapped the woman. Thats not the point. Well, what is the point? The point is that Analina is cheating. Terry blinked a few times. Cheating? He had no idea what the hell that was supposed to mean. No. Im sorry. I dont understand, admitted Terry. Shes my sister, said the blacksmith. And she knows that the Adventurers Guild has an agreement with me. They provide me with hard-to-acquire materials. In exchange, I agreed to make a fixed number of superior-quality weapons for them each year. Shes calling that marker in to get you a weapon. Okay. I guess I can see how thats a little he paused, unsure what an appropriate next word in that sentence would be. Well, its definitely something. Its cheating! She shouldnt even be able to get one of these letters! Terry realized that hed stepped into the middle of some manner of sibling squabble that he didnt even have the faintest chance of understanding. What he did know was that he didnt want to drown in those stormy waters. I see, he said. Im sorry to have disturbed you. Then, he walked over to the counter, picked up his money, and started heading for the door. Escape was the best option after that little revelation. At this point, he just wanted to get away from their little family feud. Just let me go, he thought. Just let me walk on out of here. Its what you want. Its what I want. Everyone will be happier. He noticed the dire wolf sprawled near one of the biggest anvils, watching him with a curious expression on its face. Terry couldnt shake the feeling that the dire wolf understood this situation far better than it should. It wasnt anything tangible, just a spark of intelligence in its eyes that reminded him a little of Dusk. He was about to step outside when a voice filled with what sounded like infinite weariness called after him. Stop. Fuck, he thought as his shoulders slumped. He turned to look at the blacksmith and made a final bid to elude what was sure to be a web of familiar dysfunction and a source of endless ass pain for him. He already had a source of endless ass paint sitting outside. He didnt require another. Its fine, he said. Truly. Im sure I can find someone else to make a perfectly adequate sword. She snorted and a little life seemed to bleed back into her face. Adequate. Yeah, thats exactly what youll get. Adequate. Thats why I cant stand other smiths. What a pitiful thing to strive for. Adequacy. They should be striving for genius. No. No! What should be striving for is damned transcendence! Terry could see the fanatical conviction burning in her, and now he knew why she lived where she did. I like her, said other-Terry. Shes got spunk! I hate you so much, thought Terry. What? She does have spunk. No. What she has is crazy eyes. Tomato. To-mah-to. Ill make you your swords, said the blacksmith. But if what you want is the best, the very best, Ill need you to get me something. Terry felt his heart seize as he realized the trope trap hed so nonchalantly walked face-first into. Hed been sent to a reclusive smith in the dark and scary woods and even picked up a sidekick along the way. It had been so obvious, and hed missed it. Of course, of fucking course, she was going to send him on a goddamn fetch quest. And the bitch of it was, he did want the best swords he could get. Far behind that in importance but not altogether trivial was his desire to get through at least one social interaction in this world without making a blood enemy for life. The next words out of his mouth felt the spiritual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard. What do you need? Orichalcum. Yeah, said Terry, and his voice was the one that suddenly sounded infinitely weary. Yeah, I probably should have known that. Let me guess. Its in some hard-to-access place and guarded by some stupidly powerful monster. The blacksmith looked at him in surprise and asked, How did you know? Because anything else would have been proof that God does not, in fact, hate me. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 11 – Person-ing The blacksmith stared at him for a moment before she huffed out a laugh. Youre an odd one, even for an adventurer. Im not an adventurer, said Terry. I mean, I am, but Im not really. I just needed somewhere that would pay me for killing the monsters that keep trying to kill me. The Adventurers Guild was the only game in town. I suppose that makes sense, said the blacksmith slowly. You didnt have an Adventurers Guild in your world? Terry snorted and said, We didnt have that, or monsters, or magic. At least, not the way you talk about them. What do you mean no magic or monsters the way I talk about them? Our monsters were purely of the human variety. As for magic, we didnt have it. We had other things that would probably look like magic to you, but they were technology. Like what? Devices that let us communicate from one side of the world to the other instantaneously. Devices that let us share huge volumes of information. Entire libraries accessible from something small enough to fit in your hand. Vehicles that could travel faster than a horse or even venture into space. Space? Terry was once again stumped about how to explain a term that hed never really had to define for anyone before. Space was justIt was just space. He thought hard for a second. You know there are other worlds. Yes, said the blacksmith with a nod. You know that there are vast distances between those worlds? Thats what they say. Where I come from those vast distances are largely empty. Devoid of everything that sustains life. Just barren, frozen rocks, dust, and light moving through the void. That vast emptiness is space. The area beyond the confines of the world. The blacksmith frowned and asked, You sent vehicles there? We did. With people in them? A few. But she started hesitantly before speaking with more confidence. But why? You said that theres basically nothing there. Why go? Terr opened his mouth and exactly zero words fell out. He knew that some people thought it was just the adventure of it. Some of it had been politically motivated. There were scientific benefits to be reaped, or so he was given to understand. Hed read some articles that suggested that resources could be mined in the nearby asteroid belts. At least, they could be mined eventually. So, there was a profit motive if the technology ever caught up with naked greed. There was also the science fiction standby of finding other habitable worlds, which seemed a lot less fantastical to him now. Although, it had taken genuine magic to get him to a new world that was actually livable, so maybe that one was still something of a pipe dream. Hed gone through a phase when he thought he was interested in space travel, only to later figure out that he just thought rockets were cool. Honestly, though, he wasnt sure why people wanted to go to space. The costs of putting anything into space were so astronomical that only governments and eccentric billionaires could do it, and only governments had shown any long-term success at space flight. On top of all of that, the risks were apparently enormous. So, why do it? Mostly because they can, I guess, he finally said with a halfhearted shrug. The blacksmith blinked at him a few times before she said, That sounds like a terrible reason to do something. I never said the people where I come from are wise. Clearly not, she agreed before giving Terry an expectant look. Terry looked back at her, unsure of what she could possibly be expecting. The mutual looking went on for so long that even he recognized that they had moved well beyond what was acceptable in normal social situations. It felt like hed inadvertently found himself in a battle of wills. He just didnt know what they were battling about. Space travel? The potential idiocy of people back on Earth? The air in the room? After another thirty seconds of neither of them uttering a sound, Terry finally decided to break the deadlock.Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. What? he asked. She made an exasperated noise and asked, Are you ever going to ask me my name? Oh, that, said Terry as he weighed the question. No. I hadnt planned on it. My name is she started only to come up short. What? You werent even going to ask? I just wanted to buy a sword, and you didnt introduce yourself. It didnt seem like you cared about that kind of thing. She squinted like she was trying to see something inside of him or maybe behind him. Is this normal where youre from? she asked. Terry waggled a hand in the air before he said, Its normal for me. I always try to avoid talking to strangers. And acquaintances. And people I know well. Youre a strange man. Im just shy is all. Is that what they call it on your world? Terry barked out a laugh and said, No. Its definitely not what they called it. The blacksmith leaned in like she meant to ask him more before shaking her head a little and leaning back. My name is Nari. Nari. Got it, said Terry. Its short for Narimia. Do you prefer Narimia? No. I just thought you might bother to introduce yourself if I gave you another opportunity. Wasnt it in the letter? he asked before he shook his head. I guess it doesnt matter. Im Terry. Just Terry? she asked. Um, Terry Williams the Adventurer? Wow. Youre even worse at this than I am. Its kind of impressive. Terry scowled a little at her but then lifted his hands in a palms-up gesture of helplessness. This isnt my strong suit. What is your strong suit? Im good at being by myself, said Terry. Thats not really a skill. Im okay at killing monsters. Youre an adventurer. I would hope that you at least rise to the level of okay at killing monsters. The longer the conversation went on, the less certain Terry felt about it. He didnt know why Nari seemed to be dragging it out. He supposed that she might be one of those people who hated being bothered but also got lonely. It wasnt really a problem hed faced, but hed seen other introverts complaining about it online. If she was one of those, though, he needed to get her back on track quick. Otherwise, he might find himself talking about her mothers doily collection for an hour. It wasnt even some special insight into the situation. Hed learned that one through hard experience. So, about the orichalcum, he said. Where do I need to go to get it? She gave him a flat look that suggested she may have seen through his ploy to avoid the doily talk, but she mercifully went along with the change of subject. Wyvern Peak, she said. Terry frowned at that name. Wyverns were almost always very dangerous in books and anime. The kinds of monsters that even seasoned heroes and adventurers avoided if they could. They always came across like they were scaled-down dragons with no sense of humor and hair-trigger tempers. He was not feeling very excited about the idea of fighting something like that. Should I be expecting a lot of big, angry, winged lizards? asked Terry. Nari shook her head and said, No. Its just been called that for so long that the name stuck. Oh, well, thats good then, said Terry in a much brighter voice. Not really. Some other monster killed all the wyverns and claimed the territory around the mountain. Terry reached up to rub at his eyes. It didnt help, so he rubbed harder. Naturally, he grumbled. Does anyone happen to know what this even worse monster is? Theres lots of rumors, but Ive never heard anything that Id trust. It might be an actual dragon. It might be a lich. It might be a demon. But its anyones guess, really. How can no one know? I mean, you asked for orichalcum. So, people must go get it from time to time. No one goes there. Not anymore. As for orichalcum, you can find it sometimes but only imported from places much farther away. It was always rare and expensive, and its basically priceless now. Its the sort of thing that kings buy. Not blacksmiths. Terry gave the woman a deeply unamused look. What? she asked. You and your sister are more alike than you seem to think. Nari looked like hed stabbed her. Take that back! she demanded. I wont. Practically the first thing that both of you did after I asked for something was point me at a problem involving unknown threats. Its like youre both trying to get me killed. Nari lifted her chin a little and, in a haughty tone worthy of any noble brat, said, Youre a rank two adventurer. You can handle it. Words for a gravestone if I ever heard them, muttered Terry, and he walked toward the door. Where are you going? asked Nari. To set up my tent. I need to sleep before I go fight your dragon, or lich, or demon, and fetch you your special metal. Theyre rocks, Nari called after him in a voice that he thought she meant to sound helpful. Metal ores are rocks. Terrific, said Terry without breaking his stride. Dont you want to know where Wyvern Peak is? asked Nari. Terry did stop that time. Shoulders slumping, he turned around and trudged back. Where is it? he asked in a voice that sounded dead. Nari smirked a little as she said, Well, theres some debate about that as well, but I have several maps we can look at. Of course, you do. I like her, opined other-Terry. You already said that. I said that earlier because she has spunk. You like her for some other reason now, I take it? Terry considered for a moment before he said, You like her because shes aggravating me. Its not just because shes aggravating you, although that is a delicious little bonus. Its because you want something this time, and shes making you be a person with her to get it. And youre super bad at it! Which is just hilarious. When I find your source code, Im deleting it. Not an AI! Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 12 – I Can Hear You Were going where? demanded Kelima. Wyvern Peak, said Terry as he continued putting up his tent in Naris yard. I heard you. I just assumed it was some kind of misguided attempt at humor. Terry stopped what he was doing to look at the girl. Really? Do I strike you as a funny man? Or the kind of man who aspires to be funny? No, said Kelima with a sigh. Funny people tend to actually like other people. I like other people just fine. At a distance of at least one hundred yards. You know, I heard that you were traveling with some other adventurers. Terry made a noise that very intentionally conveyed nothing. Care to confirm or deny? asked Kelima. I would not. So, thats a yes. Terry said nothing and continued putting up his tent. So, what made them good enough when you wouldnt even give me the time of day? They werent trying to get anything from me, said Terry. You should make note of that. Agendas are a great way to not make friends. Well, I dont have an agenda now, said Kelima. Of course, you do. I just dont have the patience to keep trying to elude you all day, every day, for the rest of time. Its exhausting. Although, youre exhausting now, so maybe itd be worth it. You dont have to be mean to me all the time. Its not like this was my idea. Terry made the last few knots to hold his tent up before his shoulders slumped. He shook his head a little. Deep breath, self, thought Terry. Dont let her damage your calm any more than you need to. Shes not actually evil. Terry counted backward from twenty to regain a measure of self-control before he allowed himself to speak. Kelima, he said. Yes? Do you remember when I said that you talk a lot? There was a protracted pause before she said, Yeah. Youre still doing it. You know, some people actually enjoy having conversations. Terry whirled on her, his eyes blazing, and she shrank back from him. Have I done a single thing to make you think that I am one of those people? There was another long beat before she said, My mother always says that people who say they dont want to talk are the ones who want to talk the most.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Terry reached up and rubbed his temples, hard, before he finally said, I guess parents lie to their kids a lot in this world too. Santa Clause isnt real either, just so you know. Kelima gave him a quizzical expression and asked, Whats a Santa Clause? A personification of corporate greed. Whats a Kelima started to ask before Terrys anguished cry cut her off. Oh my God! Im going to bed. I I Without eating any dinner? Without another word, Terry turned and crawled into his tent, carefully dragging his pack with him. But what am I supposed to do for the rest of the day? Kelima shouted at him. Go pet the animals in the forest! shouted Terry. You mean the monsters, dont you? Im sure theyre very friendly. Theyd probably kill for a conversation! Youre not funny! Shaking his head, Terry opened the pack. Dusk, who had managed to sleep through everything, blinked her eyes at him owlishly before crawling out of the pack, looking around, stretching, and promptly flopping onto the ground. Terry pulled a blanket out of the pack. Spreading it out, he dropped onto the dubious padding. Even so, the relative silence was like a soothing balm for his ears and his soul. He idly scratched at Dusks ears while the kitten batted at his hand. When she grew bored of that, she crawled up onto his chest and curled up. He soon felt a gentle purr vibrating against his sternum. In case I havent mentioned it before, I really appreciate that you dont talk at me all the time, said Terry. I can hear you! shouted Kelima from somewhere outside. You were meant to! snapped Terry before he started petting the cat. Her fur was soft beneath his hand and the purring intensified. As the annoyance and low-burning anger started to bleed away, Terry realized just how mentally tired he was from being forced to interact with people all day. Physically, he felt fine, but his mind felt sluggish. His emotions felt muted and distant, like things that belonged to someone else entirely. He recalled feeling the same way after work back on Earth most days. For all his complaining to Kelima, hed enjoyed a lot more solitude after hed been involuntarily isekai-ed than hed ever gotten before his kiss of death from Truck-kun. Yet, the contrast was somehow worse in Chinese Period Drama Hell than it had been on his old world. There, the emotional fatigue had been like a low-grade fever that never went away. Hed been aware of it but mostly in a subconscious way. Hed tuned it out the same way hed tune out TV noise from another room. Why? Because survival demanded it. Constant awareness of how awful all that interacting left him feeling would have been too overwhelming. It was the same reason he didnt watch the news. The constant drone of misery would have become crippling like a psychic black hole sucking away whatever slivers of joy he managed to cobble together. Except, now his psychic black hole of joy-sucking misery wasnt something inside of him. It had a body and went by the name of Kelima. Part of him considered that maybe he was being a teensy bit too hard on the girl. Terry told that part of himself to shut the hell up and stop wrecking his nice moment of assigning blame with its stupid reasonableness. Unfortunately, that intrusion of logic had ruined things for him. No matter how hard he tried to pin all the responsibility for his lousy mood on the girl, he just couldnt bring himself to heap all of that on the head of a teenage girl. He believed her when she told him that it hadnt been her idea. Shed just gone along with it, no doubt seeing it as a way to salvage some portion of whatever plan shed had in mind when shed first bothered him on the street. He chose not to look too closely at how much blame might be rightly assigned to him. He had tried pretty hard to avoid getting sucked into whatever schemes all of those nobles were cooking up. At a certain point, though, it seemed like the tropes afflicting his life took on a kind of momentum that would not be stopped. He just needed to hope that this fetch quest for Nari would prove so unpleasant and uncomfortable that the girl would get fed up with it and leave of her own free will. As he thought about that quest, though, he realized that he wasnt really equipped for it. He had enough food to keep going for a few days, but it seemed like this quest might take a couple of weeks. That was enough to set his teeth on edge. A lot could happen if he was away from home for that long. On the other hand, it seemed aggravatingly probable that nothing would happen if he wasnt there. No, the monster army would get distracted by a potato or something and not attack until he was almost but not quite too late to intervene. Still, if he was going to go find the damn metal rocks, he was going to need to visit the nearby city and supply up. The quiet dread that came with that idea filled him as Dusks purring lulled him into fitful sleep. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 13 – Wake Up Call Since he went to bed so very early, Terry was up before the sun had even peeked over the horizon. He built a small fire, cooked himself breakfast, and ate all before Kelima showed any signs of life. He amused himself for a while using a heavy string that vaguely resembled twine to play with Dusk before he fed her some pieces of leftover meat from breakfast. By the time he finished with all of that, the sun was at least partially up. He decided that was enough sleep for the teen. After all, shed invited herself along, so she could work to his schedule. He walked over to her tent. Grinning like a madman, he started slapping the canvas and shouting. Time to get up, princess! Wakey! Wakey! Wakey! The Terry Train is about to depart the station with or without you! There was a muffled shriek from inside the tent and some telltale noises of the girl thrashing around. Figuring that she probably wasnt going to get back to sleep after that rude awakening, he went back over to the fire. He saw that the kitten had apparently been watching that turn of events with keen interest. Sitting down, he picked the kitten up and gently stroked her head. The kitten nuzzled his hand for a moment before hopping down to sit in his lap. After a couple of minutes, a very groggy and mostly-dressed Kelima staggered out of her tent. Terry was amused to see that she was only wearing one boot and her hair looked like a brunette birds nest. She glared around until her eyes met his. What the hell? she demanded. Tick tock. Its time to get going. Pack up your stuff. Its barely even morning. Yeah, but we need to go to that nearby town or city or whatever it is, and I want to spend as little time as humanly possible there, said Terry. So, were going to go early, buy what we need, and leave. Kelima looked like she wanted to protest or maybe suggest some alternatives, but it also seemed that her brain just wasnt up to the task. Instead, she made an inarticulate, aggravated noise, and disappeared back into her tent. While he heard her hurriedly trying to pack up her things, he spent a leisurely few minutes taking down his tent and sipping at a cup of tea. When she noticed him relaxing by the fire while she took down her tent, Terry thought she might start yelling at him. He immediately started making plans to go to bed early every night and rousting her at ungodly hours. Kelima appeared to be the walking definition of not a morning person which would just add to the amusement factor. He did take a little pity on her when she dragged herself and her pack over to the fire. He held out a cup of tea that was still warm if not hot. Her move to take the cup was almost mechanical. There was also nothing in her expression that suggested real thought was happening inside her head. She just stared into the middle distance as she sipped the tea. Terry resisted the urge to mock her. Hed already had some fun at her expense and taking it any further felt a bit like kicking a sleepy puppy. He let her finish her tea and handed her a piece of fruit to eat. While she ate that, he rinsed out the cups and stored them in his pack. Then, after Dusk crawled inside of it, he shouldered his own pack. He concentrated for a moment and, doing his best to limit its range, used his newly acquired ice magic to snuff out the small campfire. Lets go, he told her. She managed to give him a grumpy look that showed her thoughts were finally starting to come back online but dutifully got up. Terry basked in the quiet as they made their way back to the road. He was just certain that it wasnt going to last. That minor prophecy came true after theyd been walking for about fifteen minutes. You didnt say goodbye to Nari, observed Kelima. Neither did you, deflected Terry. I wasnt really awake. What was your excuse? She wasnt awake. Plus, I told her wed leave early. I dont think she was expecting me to hang around just to say goodbye. Its good manners to tell your host that youre leaving.Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! She wasnt our host, corrected Terry. Im her customer. A customer who is about to go off and do something stupid and dangerous at her request. I think shell find it in her heart to forgive me. Especially if I come back with what she wants. What does she want? asked Kelima around a yawn. Blacksmith stuff. You dont say. Shocking, I know. I assumed shed just want some banana nut muffins and to hear sweet, sweet nothings. I am coming along for this stupid and dangerous thing. Dont you think I deserve to know what were getting into? Terry thought it over for a second and said, Not really. Ill be risking my life too! You can always go home. Nobody is making you come along. Im sure your parents will understand if you tell them I was going off to do unreasonably hazardous things. Is it unreasonably hazardous? Oh, its definitely going to be unreasonably hazardous. You have to tell me what it is after something like that, complained Kelima. Youre going to discover that I dont. Take it as a learning experience. Life is a series of disappointments. Well, youve certainly been a disappointment. Terry thought that she likely meant that to be an insult. However, he took it as a good sign that she was going to get tired of this game sooner than later. Then, hed be free again. Well, hed be free-ish. There was the town and the monster army to deal with, but that was a problem for a future Terry who had conquered Wyvern Peak and retrieved some special rocks. Other-Terry piped up and asked, Are you trying to drive up her blood pressure enough that her head explodes? Is that possible here? Of course, its not possible, muttered other-Terry in a tone that suggested he was answering a stupid question. Dont get snippy. I can make magical death ice come out of my hands here. Is a head exploding from blood pressure really that big a stretch? Yes, Terry. Yes, it is that big of a stretch. Dont you think it would have already happened if you could stress detonate someones brain cage? What are you trying to say? You know exactly what Im saying. Recognizing what an entirely fruitless conversational path they were heading down, Terry decided to change the topic. So, were going to have some time on our hands over the next couple of weeks. And I might have to fight a lich or demon or some other hideously powerful thing. Terry could almost feel the glee radiating off of the disembodied personality that had been lodged inside his consciousness as other-Terry spoke. Say the words. I think its past time that you started teaching me about what I can do. Finally! Time to turn you into a homicide vagrant! Terry shook his head and thought, Dont you mean murderhobo? I already told you thats a stupid word. I refuse to use it. Especially when Im just having fun by pushing your buttons. Keep it up and my head might explode. If anyone deserves it, its you. I take it back. Ill figure things out on my own. Other-Terry began laughing maniacally and said, Oh no, merry sunshine. You already said the words. Youre stuck now. You make it sound like Ill need a hockey helmet. Well, it couldnt hurt, said other-Terry thoughtfully. Terry shook his head again and ignored the questioning looks that Kelima kept shooting at him. No way was he even going to try to explain the existence of other-Terry. He didnt even understand it, which meant there was almost zero chance he could explain it in a way that wouldnt make him sound like a crazy person. Given everything that had happened, he wasnt entirely convinced that his sanity was intact. Sure, he could still pass for sane in Chinese Period Drama Hell. Except, that wasnt exactly a high bar in a place where there were wolves the size of horses hunting human beings in the forest, and orcs or man-goat things could randomly attack travelers. Before he could venture too far along that mental rabbit trail, he spotted signs of civilization ahead. Okay, said Terry. We need to establish some ground rules for how we do things in cities and towns. Kelima arched an eyebrow at him and said, It seems like I should be the one giving you that lecture since you cant seem to go anywhere without randomly assaulting or insulting people. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Theres nothing random about it. Fine. Lets hear these ground rules. First, youre not going to announce how youre a noble. Second, youre not going to drag me somewhere to engineer a meeting with some other noble. Were going to go buy food and a few other supplies. Were not going to do anything else. Those are the ground rules. Based on the way Kelimas face puckered up like shed just swallowed a lemon whole, Terry figured he must have shot down some plan. That anything else you mentioned might not be avoidable. I think it is. And if it isnt, Ill blame you entirely for it. What? Thats not fair. You start trouble by yourself all the time. You cant blame me for that! I totally can. After all, why do you think people like me keep strays around? Its to blame them for things. Im not a stray! Terry shook his head like he was hearing something tremendously sad and said, Living in denial is a terrible thing. You should talk to someone about that. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 14 – Amends Kelima glanced at the man beside her for what felt like the hundredth time as they approached the gates of the city. She simply did not understand him. Sometimes, he was playful if a bit mean about it. Other times, he was like a force of nature. Shed watched him casually dispatching monsters that she wouldnt have fought without a lot of thought and a carefully laid plan of attack in hand. At still other times, like right now, he exuded a sense of hesitant anxiety that seemed wholly irrational given that he was a rank two adventurer. Rank Two! What could possibly be bad enough to cause a rank two adventurer to be anxious? It wasnt quite a mythical rank among adventurers, but it was exceedingly rare. Rare enough to make a person wealthy beyond comprehension if they were willing to sell their services. And not even in some dirty way that needed to be hidden from the Adventurers Guild. They could formally enter into a nobles service or a royal familys service for a period of time. As long as they were open about it and didnt act contrary to the Guilds interests, nobody cared. It wasnt even just wealth. That kind of raw, personal power could let a person secure a hereditary noble title of their own, along with vast estates and control over an even vaster territory. It was like this Terry didnt realize that he could, almost on a whim, eclipse her and her parents in terms of wealth, holdings, and political power. Hers was a minor family in terms of nobility, which was part of why shed become an adventurer in the first place. There were financial rewards to being an adventurer that helped to ensure that her parents didnt fall into the trap of debt that had toppled too many other houses. They were also in a precarious position. If another noble family decided to simply take their land, there was precious little her parents could do to stop it. Her status as an adventurer might cool some of those ambitions. It also helped to ensure that she didnt find herself engaged to someone without anyone bothering to ask her if she cared to be engaged to a given person. Not that she thought her parents would do that to her, but theyd be hard-pressed to deny some dukes son. She was no beauty to steal the hearts of princes, but marrying her would be a nonviolent way for some larger, more powerful house to eventually add her parents lands to their own. How she wished she had a brother to be heir to the house, but it wasnt likely to happen at this point. She was stuck with the position, which meant she had to worry about these things. There had been disgustingly few ways to shield herself, but the Guild was one of the most reliable. She knew as well as anyone that the Adventurers Guild could be unwieldy, impractical, and even a little corrupt, but it was fiercely protective of its own. If you were a member in good standing being backed into a bad corner, the Guild could and would bring a terrifying amount of direct and indirect pressure down on someones head. After all, the guild was composed almost completely of people with magical power, poorly developed risk aversion skills, and a practiced ease with violence. That alone was enough to discourage most people. If some noble, general, or someone else with good connections dug in their heels, that was when the Guild would dispatch someone like Kelima had to sigh at the thought. Theyd dispatch someone like Terry to explain to the poor doomed bastard that they just werent going to get their way. Those conversations usually ended with a sudden inheritance and massive reconstruction of an estate, but the problem almost always went away. The rank two or rank one adventurer sent to have the conversation was always rewarded handsomely for taking on the disagreeable task. Thats what made the man so infuriating. He could set himself up like a king if hed just pick a side. Any side. People would line up to throw money, land, power, women, or men at him if hed just let them do it. She hadnt known exactly how powerful he was when shed first approached him, only that he was stronger than he was playing himself off to be. It had been selfish, but it would have been insane to let him slip out of reach without trying. If he could have been convinced to stay, his mere presence would have helped to solidify her parents position. That was before the mind-boggling revelation that he was actually a rank two. If they could have secured even his half-hearted support, no other noble house would have dared march on her parents. Of course, any and all of that assumed that he could stop being so so so erratic! It was like his mind had been damaged in some fundamental way that made it impossible for him to be pragmatic. Instead, he went clomping around the kingdom, blithely infuriating the Church, every noble he stumbled across, and, if his behavior was consistent, probably a fistful of deities. After his performance at her home and the things shed learned about him after that, shed realized the full depth of her mistake. She wanted to help her parents, but some cures were worse than the disease. He had struck her as exactly that kind of cure. Something that one might use in an act of pure and utter desperation but not before reaching that abysmal state. Her mother had reached the same conclusion first if for different reasons. That man is lost, said Heletina Silventar after watching Terry leave. Best if we steer clear of him. Lost men are unpredictable men. Kelima was relieved to hear those words. Her mother was fond of the school of thought that preferred learning through hard experience after bad decisions. Dragging that man into her home against his will had been a terrible idea. She was still horrified that shed gotten into a fistfight with him. It might not be possible to ever live down that shame. Kelima honestly didnt know exactly what had gotten into her. Well, no, she did. Hed scared her. Looking back on it, she didnt think hed meant to scare her. Yell at her, without a doubt, but not scare her. Thered just been something about him, maybe something in his eyes, that had come across as raw, wild, and even a little unhinged.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. She just wash her hands of the whole business and start the long, arduous process of repairing the damage shed done to her and her parents reputations. Since her mother didnt mean to turn the entire debacle into a painful learning experience, theyd all be able to move past it. They might even be able to look back on the whole thing and laugh about it. Maybe that would happen after two or three or possibly thirty years had passed. Maybe forty. Shed look forward to that distant day. Then, the unthinkable had happened. No, said her father. She and Mother had stared at him in utter incomprehension. What did he mean by no? It was so rare for him to utterly reject his wifes advice like that that Kelima could count the times on one hand. Some people thought that Heletina Silventar was the real power in the family. She had that presence about her. Her mother was social. She was charming. She was so sharp one could cut themselves and not know it. In other words, she was perfect for being the face of the family. Kelima knew that her parents had agreed to let her mother act in that role. Her father was reserved. He preferred to speak less and listen more when in public. Behind closed doors, though, her parents discussed everything and came to decisions together. Part of her burned with envy that they enjoyed that kind of relationship. She wanted someone she could talk to like that, trust like that, but the would-be suitors who had come her way were less than impressive. Oh, they came from the right kinds of families, but it was hard to act impressed about their brave deeds when shed fought scarier things. It was even harder to act interested when she realized that she was so much smarter than they were. The suitors had dried up in the last year or two when it became apparent that she wasnt going to take dimwits or braggarts. That had been a relief and a worry. It meant she got to stop entertaining people she didnt like, but it also increased the chances of some noble house trying to assign her a husband to claim her parents lands. She didnt need anyone to tell her what that would be like if it happened. Whoever ended up as her husband would resent her, knowing that theyd gotten stuck with her. The worst part was that she wanted to get married. She wanted to have a family. She might not want that immediately, but she definitely wanted those things someday. A small part of her had started to resign herself to the thought that it wasnt going to happen. She supposed that she could just quietly take on lovers. It was common knowledge that unmarried noble women often did that. Then, theyd go into seclusion for a time and, about nine months later, they abruptly reappear with a newly adopted heir for their house. That wasnt the fate she wanted for herself, but she suspected that shed been deemed unsuitable by the rest of noble society. If she was going to get the kind of life she wanted, she had the feeling it would only happen if she went out and got it for herself. Adventurers travel a lot, she thought. Perhaps it was time for her to visit another country and see if she could find someone suitable there. As long as she didnt go too far away, she could probably get back to help if her parents found themselves in trouble. Then, her father had spoken that word. No. His face had been so stern. Hed looked almost angry. No, hed said again. Kelima, you wronged that man. You knew full well that he didnt want anything to do with us, and you ordered my men to drag him here anyway. I dont know how dangerous he is, but I suspect that you do. So, tell me, what would have happened if hed chosen to be less polite? He wasnt that polite, said Heletina in a clear bid to redirect her husbands attention. It didnt work, much to Kelimas dismay. Her fathers piercing gaze never left her. Well, Kelima? It would have been she trailed off. Well? snapped her father, making her flinch. It would have been bad. It might have been very bad, she said. The way her father was looking at her made Kelima want to crawl away and die so she wouldnt have to see it anymore. Very bad, repeated her father. This cant be allowed to stand. Kelima realized that, during that last part, it wasnt her father talking. That was the baronet speaking. He stared at Kelima and spoke in a very clear, very precise voice. He issued his decree. You will go. You will find this man. You will help to guide him in the ways of this kingdom that he so clearly does not know. You will make amends until you earn his forgiveness. No, said Mother. Thats too much. And what if he decides that hes still offended? What if he returns in anger? Who will stop him? How many might die to quench that anger? And what if he decides to kill our daughter! Mother shouted. That fight had gone on for weeks. Terrible, awful weeks during which Kelima had felt constantly nauseated. Shed brought this disharmony down on their heads with her rash behavior. In the end, a compromise had been reached. She would go and assist this Terry for six months. Her father had conceded that if she hadnt earned forgiveness by then, she likely never would. Part of her loathed the idea. Terry was dangerous and unpredictable. He might decide to kill her on sight. It might also be an opportunity. Shed failed to win him to their side with her heavy-handed tactics, but maybe she could still convince him to help her parents. Hed seemed to actually like them, at least a little bit. Looking at the nervous, fidgeting man next to her now, it was hard to know if his help was worth getting. He was powerful, but that unpredictability still scared her. She also didnt like the way Terrys behavior was drawing the eyes of the guards at the gates. He was acting like a criminal. What in the world is wrong with you? she demanded. Why are you acting like youve got stolen gold in your pocket? He gave her a slightly wild-eyed look and she could see a thin sheen of sweat on his brow. What are you talking about? he asked in a mildly hysterical tone. Im fine. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 15 – The City Gate You are anything but fine, said other-Terry. I can practically hear you hyperventilating. I just cant figure out why. Why? Ill tell you why. This girl has been giving me the side-eye for like half a mile! Who cares? I care! Its creepy, Terry thought-yelled at other-Terry. Wait a second. Hear? Can you hear? Like actually hear? Its complicated, sighed other-Terry. I cant actually hear the way you mean it. I dont have eardrums or the nerves required to carry those signals to the brain I dont possess. What I have is access to the auditory information your brain processes, which means that, on balance, Im probably hearing more than you are. Terry thought that over for a second before he said, That sounded like some kind of backhanded criticism. It wasnt. Probably wasnt. It mostly wasnt. You cant help that your meat-ware is sub-optimal. Although, its gotten better since you first arrived. Absorbing all those cores boosted your cultivation, which has reshaped your body. That includes your brain. You process sensory information way more efficiently now. That sounded like some kind of backhanded compliment. It definitely wasnt, said other-Terry. Going from three percent efficiency to nine percent efficiency is a huge subjective improvement, but its still objectively shitty. Gosh, Captain Sunshine. Thank you so much for that pep talk, griped Terry. Hey! Youre not hyperventilating anymore, are you? So, all that smack talk was for my benefit? Is that what youre trying to say? Pffff. Of course not. It just came with the side benefit of distracting you while you walked up to the gate. Which reminds me. Youre there. You should start paying attention again. Terry glanced around and realized that he was indeed approaching the guards. They looked less actively suspicious than they had earlier, which Terry found both relieving and annoying. It was relieving because it meant less of a chance of trouble. It was annoying because it meant that the stupid voice in his head had been right to distract him. Almost as if on cue, he could feel a bit of smugness radiating from the place in his head where other-Terry resided. He had to concentrate on not rolling his eyes otherwise the guards might get the idea he was dismissing them. It didnt matter that he was pretty sure he could walk right through them. He didnt want that kind of trouble. He didnt want any trouble. He drew to a stop a few feet away from the guards. Purpose for your visit? asked the bigger of the two guards. He was a beefy man with hard, brown eyes. Terry thought the guy looked like someone who enjoyed his burgers and beer a little too much. Then again, standing outside a gate to question anyone who came in had to be a really boring, really tedious job most days. Walking down to the tavern to knock back a few after work was probably a mental health activity for these guys. Terry felt Kelima glance at him. She was probably looking for some kind of a signal about whether she should take the lead, but he was pretty confident that would only make things worse. Not because shed do anything in particular wrong, but because it would no doubt make the already suspicious guards wonder why he wasnt talking. So, Terry hiked up his big boy boxers, put his social aversion in time out, and answered the question. Just here to visit a market, pick up some supplies, and make a quick stop. The other guard eyed him up and down before he asked, Supplies for what? The question was annoying but still likely fell within the bounds of being a reasonable one for the guards to ask someone they thought was acting shifty. It didnt make Terry any more inclined to answer it. Internally, he waffled for a moment. He could put an end to this right now if he just showed them his Adventurers Guild credentials. The guards would become immediately friendly and wholly uninterested in his activities the second they saw he was a rank two adventurer. That would solve the problem in front of him.Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. He also knew that disinterest on their part would only last until he was physically out of their sight. As soon as he was gone, the word would spread like wildfire that a rank two was in the city. Irritating, self-entitled people he didnt want to deal with would come oozing out of every nook and cranny before he could safely escape beyond the walls again. And thats when the trouble would start. Thats when it always started. Terry made up his mind before the silence stretched out long enough to be even more suspicious. Were headed to Calaan Mountains, said Terry. It was true. It was a very nonspecific truth, but Wyvern Peak was in that mountain range. And what are you planning to do there? asked the big guard. Terry never got the chance to formulate an answer to that because Kelima injected herself into the conversation. She leveled a glare of such towering distrust on the two guards that they both stepped back. Thats the kind of question corrupt guards ask when theyre planning on setting someone up to be robbed and killed. What? shouted the bigger guard. How dare Given that the Calaan Mountains arent even in this kingdom, what possible reason could you, Mister City Gate Guard, her words dripping acid and disdain, have for asking other than setting us up? Youre Youre twisting this all up. Its our job to ask questions, said the slightly desperate-sounding smaller guard. Not about things that arent going to happen in this city, snapped Kelima. She took an aggressive step closer to the two men, who each took another step back. It was everything Terry could do to keep a straight face as he watched all five-and-half feet and a hundred pounds of Kelima drive back the much more physically intimidating guards through sheer force of personality. Now, see here, Miss started the smaller guard. I have half a mind to lodge a formal complaint with the captain of the City Guard. And if they wont listen, maybe Ill lodge one with my guild, she said, pulling out her Adventurers Guild credentials. I bet theyd be very interested to know why you were interrogating adventurers about where they were going and what they were going to do there! Im sure you know how the Guild feels about people setting adventurers up to get killed. Terry wasnt familiar enough with the guild or their history to know how serious that threat was until both guards went pasty white. Pretty damned serious, I guess, thought Terry. Well, thats good to know for future reference. Not that Terry planned to lean on that kind of undisguised threat very often in the future. He expected it was the kind of thing that would draw as much trouble as it solved. Still, he figured it was always nice to have something like that ready to pull out of his back pocket. He kept his straight face as the guards suddenly became very interested in letting him and Kelima into the city without any additional delays or questions. As they were walking through the gate, Kelima stopped and looked back at the guards. If we get attacked out there by some criminal trash, said Kelima while radiating unalloyed malice, I know who to come looking for when Im done killing them. Terry hadnt thought it possible, the both guards managed to go even paler. The bigger of the two looked like he might lose bowel control at any moment. Apparently satisfied that shed conveyed her death threat with sufficient force, she turned away from the guards and started walking again. Terry trailed along in her wake. They hadnt planned it, but he thought that this might be the best possible outcome for him. Terry doubted those guards were going to give him another thought. At least, he didnt think they would anytime in the next day or two. They were going to be worrying about Kelima and what she might do. Once they were well clear of the gate, Terry moved up so they were side-by-side again. It was his turn to give her the side-eye, and he noticed that her cheeks were bright red. He lifted an eyebrow at that. Well played, he observed. Her cheeks went even redder. He didnt think that she was embarrassed by the praise, so it had to be something else. You dont seem happy. Ugh, she moaned. What? asked Terry. It worked. Thats what matters. I know it worked. It was just so Oh, it was just so commonplace. Yelling at them. Throwing around naked threats. I cant imagine what my mother would say if she heard about it. Actually, I can, which is even worse. Seriously? asked Terry. Im supposed to be a subtle and refined noblewoman. There was nothing refined about that. I guess Im not the only one with issues, muttered Terry. What? demanded Kelima. Nothing, said Terry. Listen. Im no kind of sage, but even I know enough to dole out this little kernel of wisdom. What kernel? asked Kelima, suspicion writ large across her features. Learn to take the win. But started Kelima. Terry held up a hand and, enunciating each word, said, Take. The. Win. Kelima stared at him for a few seconds. She looked like she was about to object again but Terrys raised eyebrow stopped her. Looking and sounding like a sullen teenager, Kelima said, Fine. Thats the spirit, said Terry as he reached out and patted her head a few times. It took about three steps before Kelima seemed to realize what hed done. Her eyes blazed with anger. Im not a Hey, interrupted Terry as he looked around in confusion. Do you have any idea where we are? Or, maybe more importantly, do you know where were going? Kelimas gaze darted back and forth across the immediate area before she said, Oh shit. Now that was very refined. I hate you so much right now. Wait until you get to know me. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 16 – Gods No Terry looked around a little more, even as he fully recognized the futility of the action. No matter how much he looked around, he wasnt going to know where to go. A quick glance at Kelima told him that she was equally baffled about where they were. He wasnt actually worried about anything happening to them. He just didnt want to dawdle any longer than necessary in the city. Hey, he thought at other-Terry. Do you know how to get us back to the gate? No. How can you not know? I wasnt paying attention, admitted other-Terry. Why not? Thats a mundane, outside, fleshy concern. Why would I be paying attention to that? Terry rolled his eyes, but it had probably been worth asking. There was no reason to do things the hard way when there was an easy way. Although, I guess there wasnt actually an easy way, he muttered internally. Turning his attention to Kelima, he asked, Any thoughts? Why would I have thoughts about this? Im just as lost as you are. What would you have done if you came to the city alone? I would have asked the guards where the nearest market was and walked straight there. Really? asked Kelima, like she couldnt quite picture what he was describing. You would have just turned to the guard at the guards and said wheres the market? You say that like its irrational. Its a new city. There are no maps. How else am I supposed to find places without asking? Yeah, but that involves, you know, other people. Shaking his head, Terry turned and started walking back the way they had come. He could at least see the city wall. If they found the city wall, they could just walk along it until they found a gate. It might not be the same gate, but he supposed any gate would do. Thats transactional, said Terry when Kelima caught up. Its different. How is that different? Nobody expects anything when you ask for directions. At least, not people like guards. It might not be precisely part of their job, but its implied. Couldnt we just ask one of these other people? Kelima made a vague gesture around them. We could, agreed Terry. But you wont. I will not. Why? asked an irritated Kelima. Because that wouldnt be transactional. They might just tell us, or they might expect us to stand there for half an hour, offer up our life stories, and pretend to care about their children. They took a few more steps before Kelima asked, Would that really be so terrible? Yes, Kelima. It would really be that terrible. Terry stopped in his tracks. Making an annoyed noise, he walked over, leaned against a wall, and crossed his arms. Kelima looked back at him with confusion on her face. What are you doing?If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Some idiots are about to try to rob us, said Terry. Terry watched as Kelima looked around and saw what hed already noticed. The normal people who had been on that street were vanishing or already gone. Some had fled inside buildings, while others had disappeared between buildings into what he assumed were alleys. All that was left was five people that, admittedly, he would have avoided at all costs in his old life. Now, they were just another aggravation. Given his current mood, he worried he might do something that would make Kelima talk, and talk, and talk until he wanted to die. The thugs closed around them with daggers and short swords drawn. The apparent leader held up a hand and the group stopped. His hair was long, lank, and a dirty blonde. He looked almost sick, with a gauntness to his face and a hollowness in his eyes. It was a look Terry had heard someone describe as heroin chic, even if he didnt really know what that meant. The guy gave Kelima a gap-toothed leer that reminded Terry of a vaguely malevolent jack-o-lantern. While Kelimas expression didnt change, he could see some tension in her body that wasnt usually there. He wondered if she was getting ready to do something to the morons. Well now, said jack-o-lantern guy, arent you pretty? That makes one of us, said Kelima in a bored voice. The guys eye twitched and his smile vanished. Little girls should know better than to talk like that to a man. Theres a man here? asked Kelima as she feigned trying to look past the guy. Where? The jack-o-lantern guy looked like he wanted to stab Kelima then and there but his eyes drifted to Terry. He looked confused. It was like he couldnt make sense of Terry. He opened his mouth to say something, but Kelima beat him to it. She glanced back at Terry and said, Are you planning to step in here at any point? Do you want me to step in? asked Terry with a raised eyebrow. This cant be the first time youd had to deal with dumbasses. I mean, I can step in but is that what you really want? Kelima considered that for a moment. No, she said before shuddering. Gods, no. Thats what I thought youd say, said Terry. Now, stop playing with your food. We have things to do. Ill step in if you genuinely need some help. Are you two stupid? asked one of jack-o-lantern guys thug apprentices. Were going to kill you. Maybe have a little fun while were at. The rapey guy stared right at Kelima when he said that last part. Oh, how about that? said Terry. Looks like you need help after all. No! shouted Kelima. Ill deal with it. You sure? Yes. Nobody will sell us anything if we show up covered in blood. Oh, thats not true at all, scoffed Terry. Theyll just overcharge us. That exchange was the breaking point for jack-o-lantern guy. He tried to slash out at Kelima. Terry wasnt sure if the fool had picked up any of the magic that gave the adventurers their power, but he definitely hadnt picked up as much as Kelima. She took a half-step back to avoid the slash, and then her hand shot out to grab the guys wrist. There was a stomach-churning crack as her other hand slammed into his elbow and bent the guys arm about ninety degrees in the wrong direction. Mr. Heroin Chic did a lot of screaming after that which Terry mostly tuned out. By then, Kelima had driven her foot between the legs of the rapey guy hard enough to lift him nearly a foot off the ground. No kids for that fucker, thought Terry with acres worth of schadenfreude. Couldnt have happened to a more deserving asshole. He did notice two of the thugs trying to back away, so he looked around on the ground nearby. There werent any rocks, sadly, but he did notice a loose stick that some kid had to have brought there and abandoned. There werent any trees in sight to explain its presence. He walked over and picked up the stick. He idly broke it in half and eyed the two cowards. Kelima was busy instructing a third thug in the fine art of pain tolerance, which Terry found to be right and good and in accordance with the prophecy. However, she kept moving around and getting in the way. Terry grimaced as the last two turned and started running. He lifted the two pieces of stick so he was holding one poised above each shoulder and concentrated. He wanted to hit them without hitting anyone else. He waited for just the right moment. Now, he shouted to himself and whipped his hands forward. The stick pieces missed Kelima by mere inches before they reached their destinations. Terry winced as each passed through the leg of a fleeing thug. Blood went everywhere. Then, there was a lot more screaming for him to tune out. Maybe it wont be that big a deal, thought Terry. What the hell! shouted Kelima. I said Id deal with it. They were getting away, objected Terry in a voice that sounded defensive even to himself. Did you think I couldnt catch them? Terry realized that he hadnt even thought about whether she could catch them. On reflection, he was pretty sure that she wouldnt have even had to try that hard. Feeling increasingly sheepish, he said the next thing that came to mind. I didnt kill them. Kelima squeezed her eyes shut and leaned her head back like she meant to implore the gods. You know, most individuals dont need to work that hard at not killing other people, she said without looking at him. But that actually is an accomplishment for you. So, much as it pains me to say this, well done. Terry stared at her for a long moment before lifting his chin a little and saying, I dont think you really mean that. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 17 – Nothing Bad Ever Happens in a Market Time to go, said Terry. The noble girl let out a surprised squeak when Terry grabbed her arm and dragged her away from the pile of screaming, bleeding, and apparently incompetent thugs. He took her down the first alley he saw, emerged onto a different, equally unfamiliar street, albeit one with less blood, and crossed the street. He took her down another alley and finally emerged onto a larger road. Larger roads are good, he thought. They usually go places people actually want to visit. Will you let go, growled Kelima as she futilely tried to wrench her arm free from his grasp. Huh? asked Terry, before he realized he was still holding her arm. Hed forgotten that hed grabbed her in the first place. Hed been so busy worrying that someone official would show up and start asking questions that it just slipped his mind. Shrugging, he opened his hand only to have the girl almost fall down as she tried again to pull free from a grip that didnt exist anymore. She steadied herself against a nearby cart before glaring at him. Dont glare at me, he said. You told me to let go. So, I did. I wouldnt have had to do that if you didnt grab me and drag me through those filthy alleys. It was better than the alternative. What alternative? she demanded while brushing at some mystery substance on her pants. The one where guards and nobles and Church people showed up. Kelima glared at him again and stalked closer before she whispered, We should have stayed to talk to the guards at least. Why? asked Terry. So, theyd know what happened. Who cares if they know? Besides, do you think theyre so stupid they wont be able to figure it out? Theyll know who those idiots were and why theyre all injured. Terry didnt actually feel as confident about those words as he tried to sound. He assumed the city guards were kind of like cops, and cops tended to know who the bad guys were in a given neighborhood. At least, thats what his limited exposure to cop shows and movies told him. He wasnt nearly as confident about the tropes that governed those kinds of stories, so he felt nervous about invoking one even in a halfhearted way. The very last thing he needed was to find himself sucked into some kind of murder mystery subplot inside the tropestorm that was Chinese Period Drama Hell. He was much more confident that hanging around to talk to the guards would be a one-way ticket into some more familiar problem he didnt want. No, it was better to get to a market and get the hell out while they still could. He glanced around and picked a place that looked like it was probably business. He walked over and poked his head inside. A severe-looking woman eyed him coolly from behind a counter. Yes? she asked in a haughty tone. Terry glanced around the interior and couldnt figure out what kind of business it was supposed to be. He didnt see shelves or anything obvious for sale. Still, the counter was a dead giveaway that the place was some manner of business.This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. Im sorry to bother you, he said. Ive just arrived in the city and seem to have gotten lost. If you could direct me to the nearest market square, Id be very grateful. The womans expression didnt change perceptibly, but Terry got the impression that she thawed a tiny bit toward him. Maybe shed been expecting some kind of problem instead of a fairly innocent question. Oh, I see. Yes, I suppose its easy enough to get lost if youre new. Very well. If you follow the road in that direction, she said pointing, youll come across a market square in about half a mile. I appreciate the help. Thank you, said Terry, ducking back out only to find Kelima giving him a strange look. What? For twenty seconds there, it was like you were a sane person. Transactional, said Terry. I wanted information. She wanted me to go away. Everybody won. He started in the direction the woman had indicated at a fast walk. Kelima kept pace but continued giving him looks. What? Why are you in such a hurry? Because God hates me. If I dont hurry, someone is going to find us and start trouble. Im all for caution, but you need to calm down. Were going to a market square. Nothing bad ever happens in a market square. Terry gave Kelima an aghast look. Why? Why would you ever speak those words out loud where the universe can hear you? Are you mad? Oh no. Dont tell me youre one of those people. I am one of those people because thats just how things work. You never, ever challenge the universe that way. Youre being ridiculous. Were going to go there, and everything will be fine. Stop! Terry almost screamed, drawing a few eyes. Were fucking doomed now. Rolling her eyes, Kelima asked, What is it that you imagine is going to happen? Before, I figured that Id have to threaten some Church assholes or maybe some noble bastard who thinks theyre a special, special boy. Now? After you said all that shit, who the hell knows? A goddamn dragon will probably explode out of a farmer and try to kill us both. I Kelima started. No! No more words from you until after we go to the market, ordered Terry He fixed the girl with his most Im not fucking around with you right now looks. She shrank back a little. He did catch a few words of her grumbling under her breath as they walked, but all he heard was dragon, universe, and crazy. Terry truly hoped that the universe had been looking the other way while Kelima was busy trying to death flag them. When they did find the market, Terry didnt bother with his usual approach of trying to find the best prices. He almost ran from stall to stall. The second he found someone selling something they needed; he bought it immediately at whatever price the person asked. He knew he was getting gouged from the aggrieved looks Kelima kept shooting at him, but he didnt care. He could almost feel calamitys hot breath on the back of his neck. The disaster was coming. He could sense it approaching. He still hadnt found everything he wanted. Standing still for a moment, he weighed the value of avoiding the trouble against finding himself in the wilderness without some crucial supplies. Fuck it, he thought. Im adaptable. Well learn to live without it. Once again seizing Kelimas arm, he started dragging her back toward the street. Why are you dragging me again? she asked in a plaintive voice. Youll thank me later. I already told you, nothing bad ever happens Terry wasnt sure if Kelima stopped talking or if her words were simply lost in the terrifying roar and stupendous crash that came from behind him in the market. Head drooping, Terry released Kelimas arm. He didnt turn around. He just couldnt bring himself to do it. Is that a gryphon? asked a stunned Kelima. At least its not a dragon, said Terry. This is just a coincidence, said Kelima in a disbelieving voice. Theres no way that this is my fault. Terry Williams, boomed a voice from the road. I remember you well. I am the holy knight Alment Kingsten. Defender of the Holy Church. My unstained honor lets me stand between all evil and Oh, for fucks sake. The Douche Knight? Really? said Terry as his eyes bored into the increasingly panicked-looking Kelima. This is one hundred percent your fault. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 18 – Potato Warfare Terry Williams! shouted Alment Kingsten. I challenge you Zip it, armor boy! You can wait your turn, snapped Terry, his blistering gaze never leaving Kelimas face. I she started. Nothing bad ever happens in a market square, he said, throwing her own words back at her. There was another bestial roar that shook the earth beneath Terrys feet. He turned to glare at the gryphon, which was standing on the destroyed remains of several booths. Terry scanned for injured people. He felt like this was all, well, no, it definitely wasnt all his fault. Not this time. But he figured that he probably had to own some of the responsibility. Even so, he didnt want some random farmers or merchants getting eaten or crushed because they just happened to be in the same place as him when the universe decided to take a big, fat shit on his head. The poor bastards didnt deserve that as their fate. He was relieved not to see any bodies. There also wasnt any blood around the gryphons beak to suggest it had killed anyone. He thrust a finger at theEagle? Lion? Bird-cat-monster? Yeah, he decided, thats it. He thrust a finger at the bird-cat-monster and shouted at it. You can wait your goddamn turn, too! The monster looked startled and deeply uncertain. It even took a hesitant step back on its bird-cat-monster paws and talons. Clearly, nobody had tried plain old discipline with it. Is that the problem with these monsters? Nobody ever told them to behave? Turning back to Kelima, he took off his pack and handed it to her. Then, reverently, he took off his rice hat and gave that to her as well. Since hed already been pointing at things, he pointed at her. Do not let my cat die, he commanded as Dusk poked head out of the pack and let a soft meow. And dont let anything happen to my hat. Kelima winced at the mention of his hat, no doubt remembering the time that she herself had put a hole in his hat. I wont, she said in a tiny voice. Good, he muttered before walking over to a stall that mostly seemed to sell potatoes. He glanced over the top of the tables and found a husky young man who looked to be all of about sixteen cowering behind that scant cover. The kid looked up at him with terrified eyes. What? the kid shrieked. Terry opened his mouth to speak, but it seemed the Douche Knight was getting impatient. Terry Williams! You will not ignore Deciding to lean into the disapproving finger-pointing thing, he pointed at the idiot. Wait! barked Terry before turning his attention back to the frightened kid. How much for all of these potatoes? What? How much for all of these potatoes? Terry repeated. I want to buy the whole lot. The kids brain seemed to lock up as it tried to do math around all the gibbering terror. Finally, Terry just threw some coins behind the table. They scattered around the kid whose mind seemed to be getting farther and farther away from reality. If thats not enough, well settle up later, he announced before palming the biggest potato on the table. He glared at the bird-cat-monster again, but it seemed to be patiently waiting. This place is so fucking weird, grumbled Terry inside his own head. He turned to scowl at the knight and the people spreading out behind him. Terry tried to remember what the word was for those people. Squires, maybe? He thought that was it. Seeing that Terry was finally paying attention to him, Alment Kingsten puffed out his chest and began monologuing.A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. You have long eluded my righteous vengeance, but that ends now. I, the fist of the Holy Church challenge That was as far as the man got before a potato slammed into his face at a speed that would have made major league baseball pitchers investigate the possibility of hiring a hitman. Blood exploded into the air. Teeth flew. The knight toppled to the ground with a resounding clang. The squires were all so shocked by the sight of their glorious leader being brought down by a potato, that none of them noticed the potatoes that crashed into their heads or chests. Having been in this position before, Terry had spread out that extra sense hed picked up. To his complete lack of shock, there were people positioned on top of nearby buildings. Like a turret made of flesh, he sent tubers hurtling toward their positions like organic bombs. There were screams as people were carried off of those buildings by the force of Terrys potato bullets. A few of them had managed to fire off a bolt or two, but none of them had come close to him. When he was satisfied that there were no more immediate threats from the Church, he stalked over to the knight. Alment Kingsten had managed to get up to his hands and knees. The man swayed back and forth as he watched Terry approach. You have no honor, slurred the Douche Knight. Terrys foot slamming onto the mans back and driving him down to the ground again was his first answer. Next, he picked up the assholes sword, drove a foot of it into the stone blocks beneath them, and wrenched it sideways with all of his strength. There was a shriek as the metal bent and then snapped. It was petty as hell, but Terry was pretty sure the knights sword was obscenely expensive and probably had some hard-to-perform enchantment on it. He didnt know if the guy would have to replace it out of his own pocket, but it was going to cost someone a pretty penny to replace it. Plus, breaking it brought him a sense of visceral satisfaction. No! shouted the knight, who tried to stagger up to his feet. Terrys foot landed on the mans back for a second time. The Douche Knight hit the ground again and spat up some blood. Crouching down next to the guy and methodically removing anything that looked valuable, Terry spoke in a conversational tone. Youre a jackass. You also dont seem to take the hint very well. So, heres how its going to be from now on. Every single time you bother me in any way, Im going to break your sword, take your money, and beat you unconscious. Suiting actions to words, Terry punched the guy in the face. Then, he did it a couple more times. He was relatively certain the first punch had done the trick, but there was no point in doing a half-ass job of it. A glance at the bird-cat-monster showed it standing stock still, gaze fixed on him. Well, as long as it''s not eating anybody, I guess Ive got a minute. He shamelessly robbed all the squires as well, making a point to break their crossbows in the process. They probably werent anywhere near as expensive as the sword, but it would inconvenience them. With nothing left that he could use as an excuse to avoid the metaphorical and literal bigger problem, Terry heaved a sigh and faced the gryphon. A thought occurred to him. Well, its worth a try, he said to no one in particular before he bellowed at the monster. Look at this mess! What the hell are you doing? Kelima whisper-screamed at him. He ignored her and started walking toward the bird-cat-monster. I mean, seriously! Look at this mess youve made, he gestured at the crushed stalls beneath the gryphon. Do you have any idea how much work its going to be to fix that? Do you? The gryphon, defying Terrys expectations that it would simply attack him immediately, hunched down a little and averted its gaze. And you scared all of these people who never did anything at all to you. You have been a very naughty bird-cat-monster! Terry stared with disbelief when the damn thing tried to hide its head beneath a wing. I cannot believe this is working. Even so, he did his best to channel angry TV mom into his voice and bearing. He crossed his arms and dropped his voice a little. I am so disappointed in you right now. I can barely stand to look at you! The gryphon flinched and that made him feel a little bad. It had dropped in and done some damage, but it hadnt actually hurt anyone. You need to apologize to these people, ordered Terry. He realized after he said it that he might have made a mistake with that one. How the hell was it supposed to apologize? However, it dragged its head out from beneath a wing, stared at the ground, and a trilling, mrowing sort of noise issued from its throat. Deciding that was probably the best he would get and about a million times better than he could have hoped for, he pointed at the sky. Now, I want you to go home and think about what youve done! There was a tense moment when Terry thought it might resume its attack. Instead, the bird-cat-monster spread its wings and, with a mighty flap, flew off in the morning sunlight. For about half a minute, nobody did or said anything since they were all too busy watching the chastised monster retreat to wherever it lived. Kelima eventually stepped up next to Terry. Did you just scold a monster and send it to its room without supper? she asked. Terry heard the question, but he discovered his throat was closed up with rage. He just kept staring at the thing in Kelimas hand. He eventually managed to push out a few words through the fury. Why is there a hole in my hat? Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 19 – By All That Is Holy Im really sorry! said Kelima for at least the ninth time in a truly pitiful voice. I heard you the last eight times, said Terry as he scanned the market square. But youre still angry, she said. Yeah, Im still angry. Im really angry. I asked you to do exactly two things. That was it. Two things. I fought the knight and the squires and even dealt with the gryphon. All you needed to do was protect my cat and my hat. And you didnt manage to do either of those things. What? shouted Kelima. Your cat is fine. Really? Where is she? Shes right here, said Kelima, holding up Terrys pack. Without a word, Terry reached over and flipped open the flap at the top of the pack. The girls refusal to look down told him that she knew what she was going to see. Or, more precisely, she knew what she wasnt going to see. He just waited, meeting her eyes with a steady gaze. Unable to withstand that protracted staring contest, she looked down into the pack. The pack that did not contain Dusk. Oh no, she whispered. Did she Shes fine. No thanks to your superior babysitting skills. How do you know? asked Kelima. Because shes over there, eating away your share of any treasure we might find on this little job of ours, said Terry. He pointed to a stall where the little cat was chewing on an unattended piece of raw meat. Kelima managed to look both relieved and frustrated. Satisfied that hed made his point, Terry went back to looking around the market square. There has to be someone here selling those damn hats. There just has to be. Yet, look as hard as he could, there wasnt any sign of the hats. In fact, there wasnt even any sign of a hatmaker. His eyes traveled over to where the gryphon had crushed a number of stalls. He didnt see piles of wrecked rice hats in the debris, but that didnt mean there werent any. Of course, even if there were any, it seemed painfully unlikely that theyd be undamaged. Why is it so goddamned hard to keep a hat in one piece in this world? he grumbled as he mentally resolved to give up the search. Hed have to get one somewhere else. In the meantime, it might not be the worst thing ever to just keep wearing the one with the hole in it. Itd be useless to keep the rain off, but it would still keep the sun off his face. I wonder if I could patch it with some canvas or something like that? He didnt know anything about weaving straw or whatever the thing was made of. That meant that a true repair was out of the question. Even so, he was pretty sure he could find some kludge method to attach a piece of cloth. It might look stupid, but he could live with that. Could I sew it on? he murmured. Do they have waterproof glue here? If I could glue some waxed canvas on, that might do it. Shit, can I glue waxed canvas? Fuck, do they even have waxed canvas here? Who are you talking to? asked Kelima. The gods of fashion, said Terry. They had gods of fashion on your world? Yup, deadpanned Terry. Lifting a skeptical eyebrow, Kelima asked, What are their names? Versace, Dior, and Cartier. Why? I thought you were lying. Well, thatll teach you to doubt me, wont it? Come on, lets get the other things we need and get out of here. The city guards are bound to show up any minute now. Id like to be gone by then. Wait. Youre not going to talk to the city guards, again? Obviously not. I dont want to get bogged down with this disaster. That knight was bellowing your name. Someone is going to remember.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. I know. Which is all the more reason for us to finish shopping and get the hell out of here. What are you going to do if the guards try to stop us at the gates? asked Kelima. Stop us? What in the world makes you think Id let them stop us from leaving? Now, lets go. Despite the market still being a chaotic mess, Terry managed to find the handful of things hed missed earlier. He cheerfully allowed himself to be overcharged and then paid with the Douche Knights money. It was almost as cathartic as breaking the mans sword had been. He was a little less happy to overpay the woman at the stall where Dusk had been eating her wares, but he didnt quibble. The cat had technically been stealing. They were walking away down the street when Terry spotted city guards rushing up in a small group. He could practically feel Kelima eyeballing the approaching people. Stop staring at them, dammit, he growled under his breath. Kelima jerked her eyes away and the guards ran by without giving them a second look. Terry was actually kind of surprised. Given how Kelima had all but given Murphy, Patron Saint of Catastrophe, the middle finger, hed just assumed that every single goddamn thing would go wrong for the rest of the day. He decided that the gryphon must have sucked up most of the bad luck mojo. Whatever the cause, Terry was more than happy to let bygones be bygones with the forces of chaos. Where are we going? asked Kelima. The Adventurers Guild. I need to collect on these monsters if I can, said Terry, giving Head Sack a shake. But Dont! ordered Terry. Do not say whatever doom-inducing thing is in your head right now. Really? Youre still on about that? Did you not see a gryphon drop out of the sky? I did, said Kelima. Did you not see a knight with a personal grudge appear out of nowhere to challenge me to a duel? I did, said Kelima sounding sullen. You might want to pretend that you didnt cause all of that, but you did. It was just a coincidence, insisted Kelima. No matter how many times you say that, it will never be true. Now, when you go home and its your family that has to deal with the fallout, challenge the demon princes of calamity all you want. But while youre traveling with me, you will refrain from calling down the angel of ruination on my head. I dont feel like this is a big ask on my part. But what if Kelima, said Terry, his tone as cold as glacial ice, by all that is holy, I will gag you. You wouldnt dare, said Kelima in a scandalized tone. Try me. Kelima took in the look on his face and seemed to conclude that he was not just saying the words. He meant it. She fell silent for several minutes before daring to speak again. Do you even know where the Guild hall is? she asked. I do. I asked for directions back at the market. Its the other reason I want to hurry. Someone is bound to tell them where we were headed. That means the faster we can get to the guild and get going, the better it will be for everyone. We should really talk to the city guards about what happened. Why are you so worried about that? Its what youre supposed to do. Says who? The king, snapped Kelima. Terry thought it over, shrugged, and said, Hes not my king. That doesnt make it okay, insisted Kelima. It doesnt make it not okay, said Terry. I Wait. What? Yeah, double negatives. Theyre great distractions. Theres the Guild, said Terry nodding at a building. Things were much busier inside the guild building than the one back in Miners Mark, but he supposed there were a lot more people living in the city. It would make sense that there would be more adventurers. They waited in line. Terry was more impatient than Kelima. In fact, he suspected that she was hoping theyd be stalled long enough that talking to the city guards would become unavoidable. They inched forward until they, at long last, found themselves standing in front of a distinguished-looking man with silver hair and a neatly trimmed mustache. The man eyed them curiously. I dont believe Ive seen you here before, said the man in a deep, sonorous voice. Are you guild members? We are, said Terry. Guild identification, please. Sighing a little, Terry put his identification on the counter. The silver-haired man looked at the identification and lifted an eyebrow. Terry waited for the man to do something to draw everyones attention. Instead, the man simply muttered a few words under his breath while holding a hand over the identification. The metal insignia glowed briefly, which caused the eyebrow to lift even higher. Oh, fuck. Here it comes. Again, the man surprised Terry. How can I help you today? Terry did not look a gift horse in the mouth. He simply unloaded the heads onto the counter and waited. The guild representative handled the entire process efficiently and, much more importantly to Terry, quietly. When asked about payment, Terry took a token amount and had the rest applied to his account. They were almost to the door when Kelima did the unthinkable. See? Nothing to worry about. That all went smooth as glass. It took all of his self-control to not strangle the girl. His murderous fury must have been apparent on his face because Kelima took several steps back from him. Once he trusted himself to speak again, he just gestured to the door. Ladies first, he said. She eyed him warily before walking out the door. Shaking his head, he followed her outside to where there were dozens of city guards waiting. They all pointed weapons at them. Terry Williams! You will come with us, shouted one of the guards. Terry turned to look at Kelima, who had pure panic on her face. This isnt my Oh, it is. It absolutely is, said Terry before he returned his gaze to the guards. You will surrender your weapons! shouted the same guard. Yeah, said Terry, drawing two jian, thats never going to happen. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 20 – You Shouldn’t Say Those Things Out Loud How can this possibly be my fault? asked Kelima with a glare. They were clearly here before I opened the door. I take it youve never heard of wave function collapse? No! What does that even mean? Basically, it means that you were Schr?dingers Murphys Avatar. Until you opened the door, I didnt know what kind of disaster you caused. I knew you caused one, but I had to observe the disaster to know what it would be, explained Terry. Stop talking like a crazy person! That doesnt make any sense. Dont blame me, said Terry in his best soothing voice. Blame science. I think Ill blame you because it sounds a lot like youre looking for an excuse to put this on me. Well, obviously. Its not like any of this could be my fault. Ive been the very soul of restraint today. Besides, dont you think we have bigger problems right now? I assume youre just going to kill all of them. So, no, I dont see any reason to put off this conversation. You shouldnt say those things out loud, Terry chided. Youll scare them. Am I wrong? asked Kelima. No. But thats no reason to scare them. I mean, look at them now. Look how uneasy they are. Its just sad and unnecessary. Some of them could have died in blissful ignorance. It would have been over before they knew it. What about the rest of them? asked Kelima. It would have been all terror, pain, and futile resistance for them. But now thats going to happen to all of them. It was very unkind of you. More unkind than all of the killing? asked Kelima in a dry tone. Debatable, said Terry with a shrug. The city guards who were so aggressive before had backed off a few steps and were, indeed, trading uncertain looks. Terry wasnt sure if it was because of the killing talk or the quantum physics he had only pretended to understand. Physics was brutally hard, though, so he thought it could go either way. Plus, he figured that some trope had to be in play at this point. He couldnt count how often hed read about protagonists being surrounded by city guards who might or might not be dupes for someone nefarious. If the tropestorm was well and truly descending, he might as well fall back on a science fiction trope to confuse the issue. Stun them into compliance, or at least hesitation, with jargon and technobabble. It would have been tremendously weak-sauce jargon and technobabble in a true science fiction setting, but it would serve the purpose just fine in Chinese Period Drama Hell. He was pretty confident that there werent any quantum mechanicists Terry paused, unsure if mechanicist was actually a word. He decided it could be a word and dismissed his linguistic concerns. Even if it wasnt a word, there probably wasnt anyone with the right knowledge among the guards to call bullshit on his pseudoscience. Still, while his ploy might have bought them an extra minute, there was no getting around the fact that a whole bunch of armed people had shown up to take him away. He also held no illusions that it would be somewhere he wanted to go. He accepted that it might not be a cell in the town jail. Hell, it likely wasnt that kind of cell. If he had to put money on it, it was either some local noble looking to have him dragged to a mansion in a doomed effort to recruit him or it was the Church looking to have him dragged into a torture chamber to repay him for all his past kindnesses. Either way, he wasnt interested in going along. He just wasnt all that eager to drop a mountain of violence on these city guards. Whether they were in the employ of some noble or even taking bribes from the church, he doubted that most of them were in the know. These were the kind of people taking orders from someone who was taking orders from someone who might know something. Granted, he didnt think that much of the blindly following orders school of thought, but he also didnt know what theyd been told. They might think he was a serial killer targeting little old ladies or that he was dumping toxic waste into wells or a million other terrible things likely to set medieval cops on a rampage.The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. None of that changed the fact that they were in his way, but hed feel like a dick killing them. Hed still do it if he had to, but he wasnt eager for the bloodshed. He just wished there was a better way out of the situation than leaving a lot of metaphorical hats on the floor. He hazarded a glance at Kelima, who looked a little annoyed but mostly resigned. Isnt this exactly the kind of thing you were supposed to help me avoid? he asked. That might have been possible before you nearly brained a Church knight and brutalized all those squires or church soldiers, whichever they were. Both, I think, said Terry. Not my point, but fine. Before all of that, I might have been able to do something. This, though, she said with a gesture at the city guards, has gone way beyond talking. I mean, unless youre willing to go with them without fighting. You should listen to her, said one of the guards in a shaky voice. You should come with us without No, said Terry in a tired voice. I guess well just have to do this the bloody way. Gentleman, said a familiar, deep voice from behind Terry, and young miss, of course. The guards all looked behind Terry, while he had to glance over his shoulder to see the silver-haired and mustachioed man from inside. The man had seemedTerry searched for the right words. Inside the guild, the man had seemed innocuous in a grandfatherly way. Standing out on the steps, though, the mans presence caused the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. It wasnt that he felt more powerful than Terry. Not exactly. But he radiated a type of stern authority that felt supported by steel forged in the blood and death of a thousand battles. The man glanced at Terry for a brief moment before he focused on the city guards. You are all obstructing the business of the guild, said the man. Terry abruptly felt like he understood what it meant to have someone stand in judgment of you. Not judgment in that trivial, putting their nose in the air thing people did sometimes. That was the kiddie pool. This man, whoever the hell he really was, did not play in the kiddie pool. This was what Terry imagined it would feel like to have a genuine prophet of God look down from the mountain and find you wanting. He swiftly concluded that, as far as feelings went, it wasnt very enjoyable. When Terry shifted his gaze back to the city guards, it seemed that they shared his sentiment only amped up to eleven. Most of them looked like they would piss themselves if there was a loud noise. So, naturally, that was when other-Terry decided to join the party. You should scream, Boo! The very moment other-Terry gave voice to the idea, it was all regular-Terry could do to squash the irrational idea. The problem was that he wanted to do it. Not because it was a good plan or in any way conducive to resolving the situation, but because some inner ten-year-old thought it would be hilarious. Not helpful, complained Terry as he had to suppress the desire to shout again. I didnt think it was. I just thought it would be entertaining. Fortunately, the man from inside the guild spoke before Terry could make things a million times worse with his childish impulse. Furthermore, said the silver-haired man in that deep voice, you have no chance whatsoever of obstructing this mans path. You will die, and all your deaths will accomplish is forcing him to sharpen his swords. Worst of all, your corpses will make the street in front of my guild hall a mess. Terry had no idea why that last sentence came across as the most threatening thing the man had said, but it broke whatever resolve was left in the city guards. He wasnt cruel enough to call what they did running away, but they were totally running away. Terry sheathed the blades hed drawn. Thank you, said Terry with a look back at the silver-haired man. The man sighed and said, I suggest you go before someone orders them back here, and youre forced to do something drastic. I suspect that youll still need to fight your way out of a gate. Yeah, said Terry. I know. Better one fight than two. Well, better two fights than three, I guess. This is turning into a long day. Who are you? a stunned Kelima asked the silver-haired man. Im the guild master here. Now, you children should run along. Kelima opened her mouth to say something, but Terry grabbed her arm and started dragging her away. Let the man get back to his guild, Kelima, ordered Terry. But Were not going to keep bothering the very nice man who helped us without asking for any money. This is another one of those take the win moments. Fine. Would you please stop grabbing my arm like that? she asked, pulling it free from his hand and rubbing it. I think its bruising. Oh, said Terry. Sorry about that. So, youll stop? No. Im just sorry about the bruise. If you want me to stop, quit doing things that make me need to drag you away from situations, you damned crisis lodestone. Youre one to talk, she snapped at him. That Terry started before he paused in a moment of clarity. That is not untrue, but I at least know to get out while the getting is good. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 21 – Guild Master Tarell Collonin, master of the guild hall, watched the two adventurers vanish down a street as they bickered like a married couple. Oh, to be young and foolish again, he thought a little wistfully. Not that Tarell had wasted his opportunities in those regards. If anything, he had overindulged in them. He couldnt even count the number of times hed found himself trying to fight his way out of life-or-death situations against impossible odds, or climbing out of some pretty womans window when she revealed she might be slightly married. Of course, those women tended to not divulge that information until after the fun was over. Then, hed have to flee the town or city, often with someones angry husband in close pursuit. He always did his best not to kill those men. No one with their sanity intact could blame them for being furious, and it wasnt like he had any moral high ground to stand on. Not that being in the wrong meant that hed let them take their revenge unopposed. He generally sent them back to their unfaithful lovers battered and bruised but mostly intact. It was amusing, looking back, even if it had all felt so very serious and important at the time. It wasnt funny, though. Tarell didnt take other peoples vows lightly. Still, you couldnt respect what you didnt know about. Time had eventually cured him of most of that foolishness. Hed learned to ask the right questions to avoid needlessly repeating the same errors. Something that had proven far more important as hed ascended the ranks in the Adventurers Guild. After all, you couldnt just run away when you were sent to speak with dukes and kings about problems affecting entire nations. Nor could you sleep with just anyone at court. Mistakes of that nature usually ended with entire armies chasing you, rather than one justifiably angry man. That was a lesson that wise men learned after the first time, assuming they survived. He had survived and taken the lesson to heart. He reflected on that for a moment. No, he decided. Wise men avoided getting tangled up with nobility and politics altogether. Something that it seemed like that intriguing Terry person was trying to do and failing rather miserably at, despite his best efforts. That girl had the stink of nobility on her for one thing. It wasnt anything too obvious. She was at least making the attempt to pass herself off as just one more adventurer but some things were just instilled too deep. There was a particularly obnoxious way of carrying oneself and addressing others that nobles were taught from birth. It bled through sometimes when she wasnt paying attention. Tarell also had far more experience with these kinds of things, which was why he knew it was just a question of when, not if Count Bannic Damery was going to appear. The guild hall master had rather mixed feelings about the current Count Damery. Hed known and liked the previous Count before the man succumbed to the inevitable ravages of time. That count had made his accommodations with failed ambition and settled in to quietly rule his territory. They had been alike in that way. Tarell had taken a position at this guild hall as a kind of semi-retirement. It let him go out and complete absurdly dangerous contracts from time to time. It was mostly just to keep his skills sharp but also allowed him to prevent overeager young adventurers from swift, unnecessary deaths. The role came with the side benefit of keeping him away from the true centers of power where far too many people would know him on sight. He could live undisturbed as the somewhat anonymous, rank two Tarell Collonin. An identity that he had spent decades creating and reinforcing with the assistance of the guild. Tarell was accomplished, as befitted a rank two, but he was not extraordinary. He was respected but not revered. Tarell could decide to sit down and have a meal or a few drinks with the younger, lower-ranked adventurers. Theyd be nervous, at first, but would soon calm as he told them stories or imparted a bit of wisdom. It was a situation he far preferred to his other life as the infamous rank one, Leonis Getharin, the Bedlam Blade. He had reveled in that identity in years long past. As his wisdom slowly exceeded his impetuousness, though, the weight of being that man grew and grew until it threatened to crush him. Now, he was only Leonis during times of the greatest need. Times when no one else would do. Of course, he still remembered everything hed learned as Leonis, which was why the new count gave him pause. Bannic was still young. His ambitions for advancement still burned hot and bright. Tarell could have explained what a fruitless endeavor that would be. Hed actually met the margraves, margravines, dukes, and duchesses that Bannic would have to contend with. Hed even met the king. Watching them operate was chilling. Those people and their families were ruthless in a way that could only be achieved through generational training and effort. No mere count was ever going to ascend to replace them, barring some highly unlikely set of circumstances or a truly extraordinary, house-ending mistake. Then again, if the young man thought he could somehow force the compliance of a powerful rank two adventurer, he might believe that would be enough to change the political landscape in his favor. He would be wrong. He would be wrong in several ways. But many people believed things that werent true. Unlike his father, Bannic had never seen a rank two or rank one adventurer lose their temper. The boy simply did not comprehend the level of destruction that would follow from tempting fate that way. The king and other high nobles did comprehend it, which was why they didnt interfere with the guild or adventurers as a matter of course. The price was simply too high.This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Tarell wasnt sure that Terry understood the true scope of the problem either. The man struck him as someone deeply uncomfortable with his own power. The sort of person who wouldnt push the limits of that power until he had to do it. The guild master much preferred that such a moment happened far away from anything that might be described as civilization. There were too many innocent people in a town or city for him to allow that situation to develop when he could act to stop it. So, he remained on the steps of the guild hall, hands clasped behind his back, and waited for the young count to show his face. Tarell reminded himself several times that he couldnt simply slap the boy unconscious for attempting something so stupid. Leonis would do it. He wouldnt have hesitated for a second, seeing it as both right and good to remind the noble that adventurers were not his playthings. Unfortunately, Tarell was a more circumspect man out of pure necessity. Draw too much attention and it was all too probable that someone who knew him as Leonis would come to find out what happened. While his Tarell identity was firm, it was by no means unassailable. Sadly, hed have to at least attempt to convince the noble that letting Terry leave unmolested was the path of sanity. If Bannic wouldnt see reason, though, he could become more forceful under the all-concealing argument that it was for the good of the guild. It would even be true. A little subtle pressure on the rank and file from nobles was to be expected. There was even an argument to be made that it was good for them to have to deal with such demands. It would either expose them as too weak to remain in the guild or help them develop the iron wills that higher rank required. Attempting to coerce adventurers with naked force was something else entirely. He didnt have to wait long before Count Damery came thundering up to the guild on a pristine white horse, his long blonde hair trailing out behind him like a golden mane. The noble swung down from the horse. His blue eyes looked like chips of ice as he glared at Tarell. Where is he? demanded Damery. Tarell said nothing and stared through the boy like he didnt exist. That didnt sit well with the overbearing young man. Nor was it meant to. If the boy wanted to bark at what he believed was a rank two adventurer, to say nothing of the master of the guild hall, as if Tarell was some mere servant, well, he just invited disdain. Did you not hear me? Where is he? snapped the young count. Tarell didnt answer. He simply went from staring into the distance to staring directly at Bannic. The late arriving guards took one look at the standoff, leapt from their horses, and all but threw themselves between their liege and the stone-faced guild master. None of them looked like they expected any kind of victory. At best, they hoped to buy the count the precious seconds he might need to flee for his life. I heard a petulant dog howling into the wind, said Tarell, drawing a furious expression from the noble. If I ever thought that Count Damery dared to speak to a master of an adventurers guild hall in that way, Im unsure what I or the guild at large might be forced to do to correct that rudeness. Im also not certain the city could endure it. It turned out that a death wish was not included in Bannic Damerys list of flaws. The young man visibly took hold of himself and smoothed his expression. His voice still trembled a little either in anger or fear. Guild Master Collonin, said the count, I apologize for my ill-considered words. Nonetheless, I do need to find Terry Williams. He has committed crimes in my city. That must be addressed. Crimes, you say? What crimes? He attacked a Church knight and his retinue. He disturbed the peace of the city. Attacked, said Tarell slowly, as if tasting the word. Attacked is such a provocative word. Its also very easy to throw around when one wishes to skirt pesky legal formalities. So, you mean to say that an adventurer attacked a Church knight and his hangers-on without any provocation whatsoever within the city walls? The counts eye twitch was all that Tarell needed to see to know that it most certainly had not occurred that way. He continued before the count could speak. Bear in mind that since youve brought this to my attention, I will be forced to investigate. The guild cant have its members attacking people without cause. Should I assume that I wont turn up any accounts that, let us say, contradict the very carefully worded version of events youve presented to me? The silence stretched out from a moment to most of a minute before the count finally responded. Perhaps I misspoke in my haste to see justice done, hedged Bannic. Of course, said Tarell in an understanding tone. A simple error, Im sure. Just so, said the count. Well, Im sure that my exceedingly thorough investigation will reveal whether this adventurer has acted in some illegal way. If so, Ill be sure that he is brought before the appropriate authorities. Thank you, said Bannic through clenched teeth. Youre welcome. However, until that time, it would prove quite unfortunate if some eager city guards tried to impede him in a misguided bid to win your favor. That would not end well for them. The or for you went unspoken but hung in the air like a storm about to break. Ill see to it that no such thing occurs, growled the obviously frustrated count before issuing commands to his guards. Tarell watched in satisfaction as the men rode off in different directions at a full gallop. Ive done what I can for you, Terry, thought Tarell. At least until the count does something stupid, added the part of him that was still very much Leonis. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 22 – It’s Not That Bad Here Why are you in such a hurry? asked Kelima. And why didnt you want me to talk to the guild master? Do you know what a wasted opportunity that was? Im in a hurry because Im smart. As for that guild master, I dont know who he actually is, but I do know that we want to avoid annoying him. Since when do you care about annoying people. Since Im pretty sure that man could kill me. Terry took a few more steps before he realized that Kelima had stopped walking. He looked back at her, only to find her staring at him. Except, it wasnt her usual stare, which was typically composed of three parts bafflement to six parts infuriation. At that moment, she was staring like hed suddenly become the lead in some artsy foreign film made in a language she didnt speak and, for reasons known only to God and the films director, there were no subtitles available. What? he asked, hoping to move that days shitshow along as quickly as possible. He could kill you? You, the rank two adventurer who seems to take a grotesque satisfaction in pissing off hugely powerful organizations and everyone with a title? You think he could kill you? Terry gave that a two-count before he said, Yup. Kill me dead. Deader than dead. Super dead. The deadest anyone has ever been deaded. Now, Ive answered your question. Lets go! He turned on his heel and started walking toward the wall, if not exactly toward a gate. Kelima caught up with him and he could just tell from the look on the teenagers face that she wasnt done asking him stupid questions. No, theyre not stupid questions. Theyre just stupid-to-be-asking-right-now questions. I think those are different. Not that making that distinction made him any happier about the word bullets she was about to start firing into his taxed patience and questionably stable sanity subroutine. How could you tell? I didnt get that sense from him. You just can, said Terry, unable to come up with anything better. Maybe it happens when you get to a higher rank. Maybe Ive just had enough awful things and people try to murder me in this terrible, horrible place you call home that Ive developed a sixth sense for it. All I know for sure is that hes powerful. Scary powerful. I-dont-want-to-fight-him powerful. Its not that bad here, said Kelima. Terry tried to think of a better word than huffy to describe her tone, but he couldnt. She was just being huffy. He tried to see it from her perspective. He really did. He spent five, maybe even ten complete seconds trying to put himself into her shoes. Then, he responded. You have to be shitting me. Do you not recall how many things I had to kill just to get us here? And thats not even counting the church dumbass who challenged me to a duel. Or all his minions. Any of whom would have been happy to put a crossbow bolt through my eye. Please dont say and then theres the nobles. And then theres the nobles, said Terry with faux-cheer. Every goddamn time I turn around, some noble is trying to make me do things I dont want to do. Given all those city guards, Im pretty confident theres one in this very city looking to force me into some stupid plan. Not a plan to help the people living here. God knows we cant have that. No, its practically guaranteed to be a plan that will end with them becoming a bigger and even more colossally entitled asshole than they already are. Okay. I understand. This world has not been very kind to you, but its not some literal level of hell the way you make it out to be. Not everyone has your experience. People live long, happy, productive lives here. Lots of them. Oh really? asked Terry, not even trying to hide his skepticism. And just how many of these long-lived, happy, productive people have you ever had a conversation with? Um, that is Kelima stumbled over her words. Right. Id be willing to guess that the answer is none. In fact, Id bet that if you ever did have a conversation with them, youd discover that they think this place sucks just as much as I do. The difference is that I know it sucks instead of just believing it. This is still my home. It might not be some paradise to your thinking, but I happen to love it. Do you imagine youd react well to it if someone came to your world and did nothing but say that it was shitty and hellish? I dont need to imagine that. We had the internet. People said things like that all of the time. Im not even denying it. My world sucked in all kinds of ways. Even so, Im telling you, this place is objectively worse. Im not saying that no one ever got eaten by the wildlife where I lived. But it was damned rare. Here? People expect it. That is by all objective measures, fucked up. I also never needed to worry that I was going to get killed by some jackhole wielding the magical power of a god that might or might not exist. As for all the attempts at coercion here Im not going to lie. That shit happened all the time in my world. For me, it was usually just my lousy boss trying to get me to work for free in my off time. The difference is that I wasnt going to get killed for saying no.This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. All Im hearing is that it was safer in your world. Not better. Safer is better. That depends on what you want to get out of life, said Kelima. Risk brings rewards. You of all people know that. How much risk have you gone through since you arrived here? How powerful have you grown? Terry wanted to tell her she was being na?ve. Back in his world, he would have even had a leg to stand on. Most people who took big risks there failed. Best case scenario, they were just humiliated. In other cases, they lost everything of found themselves buried under mountains of unpayable debt. In more extreme cases, they died. In Chinese Period Drama Hell, though? Kelima was right. Here, risk and reward truly did go hand-in-hand and not in some ephemeral, emotionally-affirming way. He had hacked and slashed his way out of a whole lot of problems and become demonstrably stronger. It didnt seem like it worked exactly the same way for everyone else as it did for him. If it did, there would be way more rank one and rank two adventurers running about. Still, there was definitely some kind of level-up process going on. He just didnt want to admit any of that out loud. It would have been too much like losing the argument, which he had. But it felt wrong to lose that kind of an argument, especially to some teenager, because he should be the wiser of the two. Right? He was older, so that meant he had more experience. Right? Or maybe Im just being petty and willful about this. Oh, youre definitely being petty and willful about it, said other-Terry. Is your man pride seriously so fragile that you cant bear to lose an argument to a girl? No, thought Terry way too quickly. Probably not. Uh-huh, said other-Terry. Fine. Yes. My man pride is actually that fragile. Happy now? Why would it make me happy to be trapped inside the mind of someone whos afraid of being wrong in front of a teenager? Its not like shes your kid. Its pretty clear she doesnt idolize you. So, why do you care? Thats Its Why are you even butting into this? Im bored. I could dress it up and say that youve been a complete slackass about learning how to cultivate and survive in this worldwhich would be true, I might addbut its mostly boredom. Terry was spared from addressing that Kelima mercifully changing the subject. Where are we going? she asked. I dont think this takes us to a gate. Im thinking about avoiding the gates, said Terry. After what the city guards did back at the guild hall, Im not getting happy feelings about seeing more of them. Okay, she said slowly. I guess that makes sense, but how are you planning on getting us out of the city? I was thinking about just climbing over the wall. I might even be able to jump it. Im not sure. And you dont think that might draw some of that attention that you hate so much? Kelima deadpanned. Wed have to be quick about it, admitted Terry. You do realize that theres no way I could climb over that wall as fast as you, right? He looked at her for a moment and sighed. She was right. Again. Hed been thinking about what he could reasonably do, not what she could do. Goddammit. He ignored other-Terrys chortling. If we go to a gate, theres going to be a fight, he complained. If we try to go over the wall, theres going to be a chase and then a fight. Either way, we end up fighting. Might as well just get it over with. I guess thats true, said Terry. Alright. Lets go find a gate. It took a little while for them to reach one of the gates. As they approached, Terry saw a guy in what looked like a uniform standing next to a horse. He was talking sternly to the city guards. That doesnt look promising, muttered Terry. Kelima made a vaguely unhappy noise but didnt actually comment. Much to Terrys astonishment, the city guards ushered them right through the gate, all while casting fearful glances back at the man with the horse. Once theyd gotten out of the city and away from any listening ears, Terry looked at Kelima. What the hell just happened? he asked. I have no idea, she said with a perplexed expression. Terrys eyes narrowed. There was a trope at work here. He could feel it. He didnt know what trope, but that easy departure had the stink of one all over it. He wanted to take the win and not think about it. He wanted to, but he couldnt. If someone or something had intervened on their behalf, there could be all manner of invisible strings attached to that favor. Unfortunately, the deed was done. Hed just have to deal with the repercussions as they came. There was something else he had to deal with in the right now. So, he said. Its decision time. Kelima looked at him askance and asked, Decision time about what? You saw what happened back there in the city. Despite your constant attempts to get us killed by challenging the universe, all of that was within what I consider the bounds of a normal day for me. It isnt going to get better, which means that youre signing up to deal with that shit full-time. This is your chance to decide that its not worth it. Were still on a road, which means that it would still be pretty easy for you to go home. Once we head up into the mountains, theres no turning back. You wont survive out there alone. So, whats it going to be? Terry was happy to see that she at least looked like she was really thinking it over. It gave him hope that she might make a good choice. Then, an expression of resignation marred her features and his hopes were dashed. Ill come with you. I have to, she said. Terry reached up to massage his eyes and said, Everyone in this world is insane. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 22 – It’s Not That Bad Here V2.0 Why are you in such a hurry? asked Kelima. And why didnt you want me to talk to the guild master? Do you know what a wasted opportunity that was? Im in a hurry because Im smart. As for that guild master, I dont know who he actually is, but I do know that we want to avoid annoying him. Since when do you care about annoying people. Since Im pretty sure that man could kill me. Terry took a few more steps before he realized that Kelima had stopped walking. He looked back at her, only to find her staring at him. Except, it wasnt her usual stare, which was typically composed of three parts bafflement to six parts infuriation. At that moment, she was staring like hed suddenly become the lead in some artsy foreign film made in a language she didnt speak and, for reasons known only to God and the films director, there were no subtitles available. What? he asked, hoping to move that days shitshow along as quickly as possible. He could kill you? You, the rank two adventurer who seems to take a grotesque satisfaction in pissing off hugely powerful organizations and everyone with a title? You think he could kill you? Terry gave that a two-count before he said, Yup. Kill me dead. Deader than dead. Super dead. The deadest anyone has ever been deaded. Now, Ive answered your question. Lets go! He turned on his heel and started walking toward the wall, if not exactly toward a gate. Kelima caught up with him and he could just tell from the look on the teenagers face that she wasnt done asking him stupid questions. No, theyre not stupid questions. Theyre just stupid-to-be-asking-right-now questions. I think those are different. Not that making that distinction made him any happier about the word bullets she was about to start firing into his taxed patience and questionably stable sanity subroutine. How could you tell? I didnt get that sense from him. You just can, said Terry, unable to come up with anything better. Maybe it happens when you get to a higher rank. Maybe Ive just had enough awful things and people try to murder me in this terrible, horrible place you call home that Ive developed a sixth sense for it. All I know for sure is that hes powerful. Scary powerful. I-dont-want-to-fight-him powerful. Its not that bad here, said Kelima. Terry tried to think of a better word than huffy to describe her tone, but he couldnt. She was just being huffy. He tried to see it from her perspective. He really did. He spent five, maybe even ten complete seconds trying to put himself into her shoes. Then, he responded. You have to be shitting me. Do you not recall how many things I had to kill just to get us here? And thats not even counting the church dumbass who challenged me to a duel. Or all his minions. Any of whom would have been happy to put a crossbow bolt through my eye. Please dont say and then theres the nobles. And then theres the nobles, said Terry with faux-cheer. Every goddamn time I turn around, some noble is trying to make me do things I dont want to do. Given all those city guards, Im pretty confident theres one in this very city looking to force me into some stupid plan. Not a plan to help the people living here. God knows we cant have that. No, its practically guaranteed to be a plan that will end with them becoming a bigger and even more colossally entitled asshole than they already are. Okay. I understand. This world has not been very kind to you, but its not some literal level of hell the way you make it out to be. Not everyone has your experience. People live long, happy, productive lives here. Lots of them. Oh really? asked Terry, not even trying to hide his skepticism. And just how many of these long-lived, happy, productive people have you ever had a conversation with? Um, that is Kelima stumbled over her words. Right. Id be willing to guess that the answer is none. In fact, Id bet that if you ever did have a conversation with them, youd discover that they think this place sucks just as much as I do. The difference is that I know it sucks instead of just believing it. This is still my home. It might not be some paradise to your thinking, but I happen to love it. Do you imagine youd react well to it if someone came to your world and did nothing but say that it was shitty and hellish? I dont need to imagine that. We had the internet. People said things like that all of the time. Im not even denying it. My world sucked in all kinds of ways. Even so, Im telling you, this place is objectively worse. Im not saying that no one ever got eaten by the wildlife where I lived, but it was damned rare. Here? People expect it. That is, by all objective measures, fucked up. I also never needed to worry that I was going to get killed by some jackhole wielding the magical power of a god that might or might not exist. As for all the attempts at coercion here Im not going to lie. That shit happened all the time in my world. For me, it was usually just my lousy boss trying to get me to work for free in my off time. The difference is that I wasnt going to get killed for saying no. Youre missing my point, said Kelima. Or youre ignoring it on purpose. I cant tell which.Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. What are you talking about? What Im talking about is that youre constantly talking about how terrible this place is. How dangerous it is. And? Its rude. Whether you hate this place or not, its still rude to go on about it constantly. Back in your world, would you have walked into someones home and talked about how terrible it was directly to their face? Then, continued talking about how terrible it was every time you saw them? Terry actually missed a step at that. He knew the answer, and the answer was no. He would not have done that. His mother, not normally a violent woman, might have beaten him black and blue for doing something like that. He just hadnt been thinking about it in quite that context. Hed never thought of this place as anyones home. It was just some isekai hellhole he desperately wished he could escape from. Before he could come up with a response, Kelima kept going. Lets assume that youre actually telling the truth and not remembering things as better than they were back where you come from. Fine. This place is worse. This world is dangerous for people who live here and cant leave. What should we have done about that? Maybe, I dont know, set up something that would let those with the power and inclination help the people and make a living at it? Perhaps we could call it an Adventurers Guild and let them manage hunting some of those dangerous monsters? What else could we have done? Maybe we should have made those nobles you despise so much responsible for arming and training people to defend their towns and cities. Oh, yeah, we did do that. Since apparently none of that was enough for the great and wise Terry, Im sure that you have some brilliant idea from your safer, better world that will fix all these problems for us. Right? Please. Share. Im eager to be enlightened. I I, uh Terry mumbled. Shes got you there, hero, said other-Terry. Terry knew that already. He just didnt want to admit it out loud. It would have been too much like losing the argument, which he had. But it felt wrong to lose that kind of an argument, especially to some teenager, because he should be the wiser of the two. Right? He was older, so that meant he had more experience. Right? Or maybe Im just being petty and willful about this. Oh, youre definitely being petty and willful about it, said other-Terry. Is your man pride seriously so fragile that you cant bear to lose an argument to a girl? No, thought Terry way too quickly. Probably not. Uh-huh, said other-Terry. Fine. Yes. My man pride is actually that fragile. Happy now? Why would it make me happy to be trapped inside the mind of someone whos afraid of being wrong in front of a teenager? Its not like shes your kid. So, why do you care? Just man the fuck up and apologize for being a dick. Its the smart move for your long-term peace of mind. Thats Its Why are you even butting into this? Im bored. I could dress it up and say that youve been a complete slackass about learning how to cultivate and survive in this worldwhich would be true, I might addbut its mostly boredom. Terry was spared from addressing that by Kelimas merciless glare. Really? she demanded. Nothing to say to all of that? You had plenty to say about what was wrong with my home but not a single suggestion about how to make it better? Terry couldnt meet her eyes when he said, I guess not. All of that social awkwardness and ineptitude from his old life was rearing up inside of him, robbing him of much of the confidence hed gained since arriving in this new world. Youre not even going to apologize, are you? asked Kelima. I It doesnt matter. We both know youre wrong, she said before obviously changing the subject. Where are we going? I dont think this takes us to a gate. Im thinking about avoiding the gates, said Terry in relief. After what the city guards did back at the guild hall, Im not getting happy feelings about seeing more of them. Okay, she said slowly. I guess that makes sense, but how are you planning on getting us out of the city? I was thinking about just climbing over the wall. I might even be able to jump it. Im not sure. And you dont think that might draw some of that attention that you hate so much? Kelima deadpanned with a bit too much edge in her voice. Wed have to be quick about it, admitted Terry. You do realize that theres no way I could climb over that wall as fast as you, right? He looked at her for a moment and sighed. She was right. Again. Hed been thinking about what he could reasonably do, not what she could do. Goddammit. He ignored other-Terrys chortling. If we go to a gate, theres going to be a fight, he complained. If we try to go over the wall, theres going to be a chase and then a fight. Either way, we end up fighting. Might as well just get it over with. I guess thats true, said Terry. Alright. Lets go find a gate. It took a little while for them to reach one of the gates. As they approached, Terry saw a guy in what looked like a uniform standing next to a horse. He was talking sternly to the city guards. That doesnt look promising, muttered Terry. Kelima made a vaguely unhappy noise but didnt actually comment. Much to Terrys astonishment, the city guards ushered them right through the gate, all while casting fearful glances back at the man with the horse. Once theyd gotten out of the city and away from any listening ears, Terry looked at Kelima. What the hell just happened? he asked. I have no idea, she said with a perplexed expression. Terrys eyes narrowed. There was a trope at work here. He could feel it. He didnt know what trope, but that easy departure had the stink of one all over it. He wanted to take the win and not think about it. He wanted to, but he couldnt. If someone or something had intervened on their behalf, there could be all manner of invisible strings attached to that favor. Unfortunately, the deed was done. Hed just have to deal with the repercussions as they came. There was something else he had to deal with in the right now. So, he said. Its decision time. Kelima looked at him askance and asked, Decision time about what? You saw what happened back there in the city. Despite your constant attempts to get us killed by challenging the universe, all of that was within what I consider the bounds of a normal day for me. It isnt going to get better, which means that youre signing up to deal with that shit full-time. This is your chance to decide that its not worth it. Were still on a road, which means that it would still be pretty easy for you to go home. Once we head up into the mountains, theres no turning back. You wont survive out there alone. So, whats it going to be? Terry was happy to see that she at least looked like she was really thinking it over. It gave him hope that she might make a good choice. Then, an expression of resignation marred her features and his hopes were dashed. Ill come with you. I have to, she said. Terry reached up to massage his eyes and said, Everyone in this world is insane. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 23 – Mansplaining Isnt there a better way than this? asked Kelima. The pair had been walking ever deeper into the heavily forested area to the east of the city for most of the afternoon. They were following a more or less straight line to the mountain range where Wyvern Peak was located. Terry hadnt thought much about the ground they were covering. Hed done a much harder walk through a much more hostile forest when hed been significantly weaker. To him, this still mostly felt like a pleasant hike in the woods. In anything, it made him nostalgic for some of the hiking trails back on Earth. Man, do I miss those hiking boots. They had such good arch support. Not that his arches were bothering him, but he suspected it was hard to have too much arch support. No, his mind had still been stuck on why the city guards had developed a sudden case of survival instincts and let them go without a hassle. At first, hed assumed that some people would just follow them out of the city and try to press them into service where fewer people were watching. Also, it would be somewhere there would be less collateral damage if Terry decided to buck harder than they expected. He didnt know how much it would cost to repair the city if he had a knock-down, drag-out fight with somebody who could keep up with him, but he assumed it would fall somewhere in the general territory of a lot. It might have even been enough to make rich noble wince. A thought that made him smile more than was probably healthy. However, despite keeping his new ability to sense monsters and other dangers at a moderate distance up and running, he hadnt caught wind of anyone trailing them. That didnt mean they werent back there, somewhere, but they werent following close enough to get caught. That didnt do much to alleviate his paranoia. He wouldnt really feel like theyd escaped until after theyd gotten a few days out without signs of pursuit. He glanced back at Kelima, who serving as a person-sized vehicle for Dusk at the moment. The little cat was perched on the girls shoulder and casually licking a paw. Better how? asked Terry. Its not like were visiting a city. Were going to a place that even adventurers usually avoid. I dont know. Isnt there a trail or something we could follow? A trail made by who? Okay, maybe not a trail, but isnt there a river or something? You want to follow a river? Sure. Why not? Thered be fresh water, and we could even fish if we wanted. Terry actually gave that a moment of thought. It wasnt entirely a bad idea, at least not on those grounds. He remembered how desperate hed gotten for fresh water back in that other forest. Still, it was clear that the girl hadnt thought the problem all the way through. It only occurred to him then that shed probably never strayed that far from towns and roads. Most of the contracts hed seen at the Adventurers Guild halls that hed visited didnt take people very far from the beaten path. He knew that it got increasingly dangerous the farther away from human civilization one ventured, which meant the lower-ranked adventurers probably couldnt handle it. Since they made up the bulk of the guilds membership, as far as he could tell, the guild would just be hurting itself by giving them contracts that took them out into the uncharted area.Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Do you know what else likes fresh water? he asked as he started walking again. What? Monsters. They eat too, and some of them will like fish. And thats assuming that there arent monsters living in the river. Oh, said Kelima, sounding a little discouraged. That makes sense. Its good to know where you can find water, and there are supposed to be some small rivers between us and the mountains, said Terry. Well probably run across the first one in a few days. Assuming its safe, well get some fresh water there. As for trails, I dont know. There was nothing on the maps I saw, but I assume you know what maps are worth. Not much. Exactly. Which means that even if I saw a trail on one of the maps, we could have spent weeks looking for it in the wrong spot and never found it. Not my idea of a fun time. For the moment, were going this way because its more direct. Hopefully, that means itll be faster. That was surprisingly helpful and informative, said Kelima. Are you feeling well? Terry shot her a look over his shoulder and said, No more tips for you. Sorry. Sorry, said Kelima lifting her hands. You just havent said anything for hours, and then you were helpful. It caught me off guard. Listen. Were stuck together for the moment, and Im not looking to be responsible for your untimely demise. Thank you. I think. Add to that, your mother is terrifying. My mother is terrifying? You do remember that youre a rank two, right? She couldnt do anything to you even if she wanted to. I keep telling myself that. I know in my head that its true, but my heart remains unconvinced. So, basically, you, a grown man and a rank two, are afraid of my mom? asked Kelima. And youre not? asked Terry. Maybe I should tell" Kelimas eyes went a little wide, and she almost shrieked, Were not talking about me! Anyway, said Terry, drawing out the word. I have zero interest in explaining to her why youre dead. So, yes, I might accidentally drop some helpful knowledge from time to time in a bid to keep your heart beating. Im almost touched. Mostly, though, my cat is sitting on you right now. I dont want anything to happen to her. I take back that part about being almost touched. Terry snorted a little before he looked around at where they were. It was a relatively sheltered clearing that was big enough for their tents. He also knew that darkness would settle on them before too long. We should set up camp here, he announced. Kelima took in the clearing before glancing up toward where the sky would be. Terry could almost see the question forming in her head. Youve never been this deep into the forest before, have you? asked Terry. No. Why? He pointed up to the thick canopy far overhead. Do you see all those branches and leaves up there? Yeah. What about them? They block a lot of light. Its part of the reason its cooler out here than back in the city, which is actually pretty nice. Unfortunately, it also means that nighttime arrives a lot earlier. When it would just be starting to get dark back by the road, itll be very dark here. Trust me, you dont want to be putting up a tent in the dark. Its a pain in the ass. Pain in the ass, said Kelima. What a strange turn of phrase. Has your ass ever hurt? Kelima gave him a look that suggested she was waiting for some off-color joke, but she said, Yes. Did you enjoy it? No, of course not. There you go, said Terry. Turn of phrase explained. Kelimas eyes narrowed. I understood what it meant from the context. Im not a moron. Id just never heard it described that way. Oh, said Terry. He had the uncomfortable feeling that hed just mansplained something without meaning to. Deciding that if he was in for a penny, he was in for a pound, he went with the man classic of deflection. Well, you know us poor peasant. We do love our colorful language. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 24 – It’s For Your Benefit It was the sound of running water that made Terry come up short. His eyes narrowed as he stared in the direction of that sound. A moment later, Kelima stopped next to him. She looked at him, looked in the direction he was glowering, and then back at him. When he just kept glowering and didnt bother to explain, she finally asked him the question. What are you glaring at? The future, he said with a shake of his head. What does that mean? It means were going to get attacked soon. So, you should get ready for that. What do you mean were going to get attacked? And why am I getting ready instead of us getting ready? Easy. Nothing has attacked me in days. That pretty much makes an attack of some kind happening in the very near future inevitable. Plus, were about to come up on a river. Its a change of terrain, which also seems to be a trigger for attacks. I dont know why, its just one of those things that is. And why arent we getting ready to fight? Oh, thats easy. Were still pretty close to civilization. That means that whatever is about to attack us, probably a water monster of some kind, will be fairly weak. We both know that I can kill it, but killing it wont mean much for me. You, on the other hand, really need a boost to your power level. Otherwise, Im not sure youll make it through this trip. I mean, seriously, do you honestly think you can survive a wyvern the way you are now? I dont know. Maybe, said Kelima with a scowl. Probably not. Still, youre just going to leave me to fight anything that attacks us? Terry thought it over and said, Ill step in if you get attacked by more than six monsters. Six?! shouted Kelima. Hey, before all of this, I killed a pack of like thirty-five dire wolves. Six monsters is getting off easy, as far as Im concerned. Wait. Just wait, said Kelima. Im trying to decide what I should ask first. Take your time, said Terry. He snagged Dusk from Kelimas shoulder and picked out a tree to lean against. He entertained himself by petting the happily purring kitten while the noble girl got her thoughts sorted out. You fought a pack of dire wolves? she asked. No. Fought implies entirely the wrong idea. I killed a pack of dire wolves. Killed. It might not seem important, but there is a difference there. Fine, said Kelima. You killed a pack of dire wolves. Where could you possibly have found a pack of dire wolves? They were skulking around my new house. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. You bought a house? I got some land, too. And there was a pack of near-mythical beasts that no one has seen in generations just hanging around there? Being monsters? Yep, said Terry with a nod. Did I not tell you about this before? Actually, never mind. I probably didnt. Their presence didnt strike you as at all odd? asked Kelima with a raised eyebrow. Odd relative to what? I died in my old world and woke up here. My bar for odd is both way higher and way lower than you might imagine. On the one hand, every damn thing here seems low-level strange to me. On the other hand, after youve died, been transported to another world, and woke up in a body you dont recognize, it takes a hell of a lot to really move anything up from low-level strange to high-level strange. I wont lie. Monsters being real is odd. Still, I wont get that excited because I ran across a new breed of horrifying nightmare fuel some random afternoon. Besides, its not like I knew they were rare until you said something about it. Wait. A body you dont Kelima trailed off and shook her head. I swear that every time you open your mouth I just end up with more questions. I also keep forgetting that you dont know anything about this world. Yeah. That keeps tripping me up, too, said Terry sympathetically. Before I completely lose track of the important point, youre okay with just leaving me to fend for myself against half a dozen monsters? I really dont see why youre complaining. Its for your benefit. Plus, youre an adventurer. You must have come up against pack monsters before. And you keep talking like its inevitable that itll be more than one monster this time. For my benefit? You think that would be for my benefit? Well, it will be as long as you dont die. As long as I dont die, said Kelima in disbelieving tones. How does that seem okay to you? Do you have any idea how many monsters I had to kill, all by myself, after I got to this, Terry had to force himself not to say horrible, world? Not really, admitted Kelima. A lot. I didnt have any support. No one to jump in and save me. I just had to do it because there was only me. Its a very effective way to learn and gain some power, said Terry before adding, if you dont die. Its also good for learning self-reliance. Kelima just stood there, mouth hanging open, before she twitched and said, You do realize that almost no one adventures alone, right? We almost always work in teams. Precisely because its dangerous and usually lethal to try to solo those contracts. Terry blinked a few times and asked, How would I possibly know that? Didnt you ever talk to anyone at the Adventurers Guild halls you stopped at? Anyone at all? Not really. People tried to talk to me once or twice, but it didnt end well. It seemed like inviting trouble, so I didnt bother with it. Terry watched with some amusement as Kelima pressed fingers into her temples and began rubbing. It would have been funnier if her expression didnt suggest that shed just gotten a blinding migraine. He was willing to enjoy her mild discomfort, but he was a little surprised to discover that he didnt have much capacity for enjoying what looked like someone elses genuine physical pain. Alright, conceded Terry. If youre going to make such a big deal out of the whole teamwork thing, Ill step in if I think you might actually die. Kelima fixed him with a flat look and said, Someone can get terrible injuries without dying. Thats very true. I suggest not doing that. Although, some people say that pain is the best teacher. So, maybe its worth trying a time or twenty before you give up on it. What happened to my mother being terrifying? Oh, shes still terrifying. Id definitely rather not have a conversation with her about why youre dead. That doesnt change the fact that I cant carry you this entire trip. What if we get separated? Im not planning on it, but if this world has taught me anything its that my plans dont mean shit. If you dont do anything to improve yourself along the way and that happens, you will be screwed. Not because I wasnt willing to help, but because you wont have the resources to survive. You should be grasping at any and every opportunity to fight monsters as a matter of basic self-interest. I guess you might be right about that, said Kelima slowly. Im glad we agree. Also, said Terry, pointing behind her and almost hiding his grin, youve got a monster incoming. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 25 – Motives What? Kelima shouted as she spun around, hastily drawing her sword. Terry continued leaning against the tree and petting Dusk as he watched the girl desperately parry the clawed slashes of some kind of big cat. It wasnt something that Terry recognized immediately, mostly because it didnt have stripes or spots. Plus, he didnt have any idea how many species of big cats Chinese Period Drama Hell contained. He was pretty sure that there were only five or six species back on Earth, and none of them had a dust-gray coloring. Terry saw the big cat tense, thinking he might need to intervene. It seemed that Kelima had noticed too, because she rolled out of the way when the oversized feline tried to pounce. Youre doing great! shouted Terry. Keep it up! Im not sure that was helpful, noted other-Terry. A sentiment that Kelima seemed to agree with since she took a moment to shoot him a death glare. Terry rolled his eyes and asked, Since when you do care about being helpful? I dont. Not really. But if you distract her and she gets eaten, youll have to tell her mother. Shell yell at you and probably cry. Meanwhile, youll be all cringing internally, and it gets damned uncomfortable in here when you do that. Im glad to see that your concern for her well-being is not at all self-serving, said Terry with a mental shake of his head. Its moving. Truly. Im impressed by your growth. Plus, Im not going to let her get eaten. Not on purpose, but you know as well as I do that things arent always that clean. Remind me. How many tragic death tropes are there? Its too soon for that. I dont like her well enough for it to be tragic beyond the baked-in tragicness of a life cut short. And even that idea seems pretty weak in this world. Right now, itd just be inconvenient for me and sad for people who do like her. Other-Terry mulled that over for several seconds while Terry saw Kelima take out one of the big cats eyes with a slash that might have been on purpose or might have been a lucky, desperation shot. He got the mental impression of a shrug from that place in his head where the magical construct seemed to live. Yeah, youre probably right about that, conceded other-Terry. Wait a second. Is that why youre working so hard to not like her? Terry Williams, you hopeless romantic. Are you actually trying to protect her from those tropes by being an asshole all the time? I Terry started, only to get cut off. You are, arent you? demanded Other-Terry while sounding almost gleeful at the prospect. You say that like you dont already know, Terry shot back. You live in my head. Shouldnt you already know? I live in your head, not your limbic system. I know things that you remember or that you think about. I can draw conclusions based on your past behaviors, but your past behaviors in this world are still pretty thin pickings. Your behaviors from back on Earth dont allow for good predictions about what youll do in this very different scenario. Also, parsing out your complex emotional motives isCthank all the godsC beyond the scope of my responsibilities. Terry took a few seconds to consider all that before he responded. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. And you dont care about my motives. And I dont care about your motives, agreed other-Terry cheerfully. But you care about this? Why? No, no, no. I dont care about this. I am entertained by this. You were all freaked out that I was going to turn you into a homicide vagrant, and then you were putting in all the hard work to turn yourself into one. I was starting to think you were a sociopath whod gotten adequate at passing for a bumbling introvert. Just say murderhobo! Terry yelled at the other consciousness. I will never stoop to that, said other-Terry in a tone of supreme dignity. But back to the point. I thought you were going to go all homicide vagrant, but, secretly, deep down in your squishy, kitten-petting, unicorn-adoring heart, you were trying to be a good guy in your own, completely incompetent, douchebaggy way. I honestly cant tell if youre trying to insult me or compliment me, thought Terry. Yeah. Me neither. I think my goals got tangled up there. Oh, hey! I think shes about to win this thing. Terry had been keeping half an eye on the battle while monitoring the surrounding area for any other monsters that might be looking to swoop in and snatch an easy kill. Now, he gave most of his attention to Kelima and the big cat. They both looked beat to hell, although it appeared the oversized feline had gotten the worst of it. Kelima had mercilessly taken advantage of the monsters shiny new blind spot and slashed that side of its body over and over again. If he had to guess, hed say that the monster was suffering from massive blood loss. It was staggering now, rather than pouncing or leaping. That wasnt to say that Kelima had gotten out of the encounter scot-free. She was definitely favoring her left side. He could see fresh blood from at least three places where the beast had managed to land a hit with its claws. However, they must not have been clean hits or he would have had to intervene already. The big cat, seeming to realize that it wasnt going to win, apparently decided that it was going to take Kelima with it. If hunkered low, coiled its remaining strength, and froze. Terry blinked in surprise as he felt a towering aura of menace coming from He looked down to see Dusks unblinking gaze locked onto the big cat. Kelima was either too tired to care or too focused to notice. The moment the monster froze, she drove forward and plunged her sword into the big cats body. The noble girl stumbled back from the monster. She looked to have used the last of her strength on that final strike. Terry expected the monster to do something. If failed meet that expectation, instead remaining frozen in place until life fled from its eyes. The now-lifeless body collapsed to the ground. Kelima had found a tree to help support her while she gasped for breath. Terry gave the kitten a suspicious look, but Dusk just yawned and promptly fell asleep. He dug something he expected to need out of his pack before stowing the little bundles of purrs in his pack. He sauntered over to Kelima, who was still gasping for breath. Good job, he said, giving her a thumbs up. You, she said, gasping, are such, more gasping, a bastard. Categorically untrue, replied Terry. If youd said I was a shit, or a prick, or an asshat, Id have had no defense. You need to pick your insulting words with more care. Hate you, she gasped. So much. You should save that one. We havent even gotten to the critique yet, said Terry. Although, by the looks of you, itll have to wait. It appears that you might need a healing potion. No! shouted Kelima. She tried to run from him, only to have her legs give out on her. She fell to the ground and started crawling away. Crawling away very slowly. That pretty much confirmed Terrys suspicion that the girl was more badly injured than he could see. He needed to remember that she couldnt shrug off blows the way that he could. It was entirely possible that the raw strength of the cat had damaged muscles or even cracked bones. Whatever the case, he was confident she was not going to be in any shape to continue their journey without a lot of rest or some enhanced healing. No potion, she mumbled. Terry couldnt tell if she was losing consciousness or somehow got a mouth full of dirt when she fell. Dont be such a baby. Its for your own good. He crouched next to her, flipped her onto her back as gently as he could, and pressed the opened bottle to her lips. She feebly slapped at his arm and her eyes promised retribution as she almost involuntarily drank the magical liquid. You prick! Those two words were the only ones she managed to get out before the potion took effect and the screaming started. There you go, said Terry. Good listening. Other-Terry said, You realize she cant hear anything youre saying, right? Terry shrugged. Its the thought that counts. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 26 – Shakespeare Terry nudged Kelima with his toe for at least the tenth time, but the girl remained steadfastly, obstinately unconscious. Hed expected as much. Those healing potions were no joke. Still, it didnt make her limp body any less of a problem for him. Sighing to himself, Terry tried to decide which annoying task to deal with first. There was, naturally, the problem of the unconscious girl. He could just leave her where she was for now. Then again, there were probably insects and invisible bear-snake hybrids lurking around and just waiting for an opportunity to eat her. There was also the problem of the monster carcass. Since he didnt especially love the idea of carrying Kelima over his shoulder until he found another suitable location, he was more or less committed to setting up camp where they were. That meant he couldnt just leave the dead monster where it was. He also thought that he should probably retrieve its core for Kelima and maybe harvest some of its meat. Unfortunately, he didnt especially feel like doing any of those things. What he really wanted to do was set up his tent and take a relaxing nap during this glorious moment that was free of chatter. Pushing aside that very pleasant notion, he went over to Kelimas pack and, after several long moments of doubt, opened it up. His own social ineptitude aside, even Terry felt that he was engaging in a next-level privacy violation. Still, he needed to get out her tent, and her tent was in the damn pack. God knew he wasnt put her in his tent for any reason. Deciding that the privacy violation was the lesser of two evils, he started to dig through the pack. The tent was, mercifully, near the top. That spared him from digging through her underwear, at least. He wasnt sure either of them would survive the horror of that. Her tent was a little different than his. That added irritation-inducing minutes to the process of putting it up. Even after he got it assembled and unrolled a blanket inside, he still had to get her into the tent and onto the blanket. Hed thought that would be the easiest part. It turned out that even superhuman strength couldnt fully overcome the awkwardness of moving the dead weight of an insensate human being. He almost dropped Kelima twice while trying to maneuver the girl into the tent. What a pain in the ass, he bitched to himself. He even had a brief fantasy of just leaving her there. It would solve the issue of having an unwanted companion along for this adventure. But she probably would get eaten if he did that. Cue the hideously uncomfortable conversation and sobbing mother he never wanted to deal with. That put a final stake through the heart of that stillborn plan. He considered Kelima, who was sprawled in a way that didnt look terribly comfortable. He hadnt seen a pillow in her pack, so he dug a clean shirt out of his pack. That involved semi-waking Dusk, who angrily batted at his hand and let out a discontented noise. He folded the shirt into a small pad and tucked it under her head. After another long moment of contemplation, he adjusted her arms and legs into positions that looked at least somewhat less uncomfortable. That was sweet of you, opined other-Terry. Shut it, barked Terry mentally. Alright. Alright. Geez, dont get your man-panties in such a twist. Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. Deciding that he would take that nap, Terry put up his own tent, only to discover that fresh habits took over while he wasnt paying attention. By the time he realized what was happening, hed already set up a fire pit, scouted the surrounding area, gathered fire wood, and even started a small fire. A steadily increasing gloom in the forest told him that the afternoon, and his chance at a nap, had been lost to his unintentional productivity. Grumbling under his breath, he walked over to the dead monster. He glared down at it. I should have just killed you, he muttered. He knew that wasnt true. Hed made Kelima fight it for a reason. The whole situation was just sub-optimal for his purposes. Any delay made him fret, even if these kinds of inconveniences were par for the course. He kept worrying about what that camp of monster soldiers was going to do. His knowledge of tropes told him that they wouldnt do anything until he was back. However, he was very aware that conclusion was built around watching and reading stories about heroes. The operative word there being heroes. Terry wasnt at all convinced that he was the hero in whatever story hed found himself in. If he was a hero, hed still be with the stupidly pretty people. Not wandering around in an uncharted forest looking for some unobtanium guarded by a mystery threat on a lonely mountain peak. Terry ran that last thought through his head again. Then, he did it a third time. Fuck me! he shouted at the sky. Well, he tried to shout it at the sky. He supposed shouting it to the dense canopy overhead was good enough for his purposes. Terry was pretty sure that hed somehow escaped from some cultivator isekai story by fleeing south. Except, he was pretty sure hed traded that story for one of those quasi-medieval isekai stories. One where at least some of the nobility were corrupt as hell and probably planning a coup or a civil war. There would also be some bullshit prophecy about the end of days that some wandering hero from a distant land was destined to prevent. Or die trying, he thought. You can never forget about the die trying part. No, he said. No. I will not be a party to this. Im gonna get those metal rocks. Im gonna get my swords. And Im gonna go home. Do you hear that? Do you? Whoever the hell you are. Im not playing. Tell Truck-kun to go run someone else over. Someone braver, or stupider, or whatever the hell it is that makes someone decide to go along with this suicidal crap! It seemed that Terrys angry words had startled the nearby birds and insects, because there were several moments of creepy silence and stillness. Then, he heard a nearby buzz, and soon after, the background sounds of the forest resumed. That seemed very productive, said other-Terry. Do you feel better? No, admitted Terry. Good. Because you shouldnt. When has calling out the powers-that-be ever worked out for any isekai protagonist? I mean, ever? Im sure its happened, said Terry. Just because I never saw it or read it, it doesnt mean it never worked out. That sounds a whole lot like the monkeys typing Shakespeare if you give them enough typewriters and time argument. Sure, statistically, it might happen eventually. Once. Are you feeling that lucky? Do you really think that youre monkey Shakespeare? Terrys brain immediately conjured an image of a monkey wearing a dark shirt and a ridiculously huge white collar like that traditional image of Shakespeare that showed up on the back of all the books. He started to chuckle out loud. You know thats not what I meant, said a defeated-sounding other-Terry. Monkey Shakespeare, said Terry, still laughing. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 27 – Self-Help After gently kicking Kelimas foot once or twice or seventeen times, Terry was forced to concede that the girl just wasnt done sleeping off the aftereffects of the healing potion. It wasnt really a surprise, but there had been the vain hope that youth would let her bounce back a little faster. Even so, it further soured a mood that had already been tanked by finding Dusk sound asleep on top of the unconscious noble. Terry assured himself that he wasnt feeling possessive over his cat. Not at all. Not one tiny bit. Shaking his head, he shut the flap to Kelimas tent and tried to decide what the hell he was supposed to do with the rest of his day. It was early enough that it was basically still dark beneath the cover of the trees. Terry found it strange that he always seemed to wake up around dawn now. He''d never been an early riser back on Earth. Then again, hed heard that low-level depression could make people want to sleep in or just plain sleep all the time. Looking back at his old life now, he only had one thought about that depression. What the hell was I so unhappy about? he voiced aloud. I did not realize how good I had it. No monsters trying to kill me. No nobles trying to voluntell me into their service. No mystical armies of evil. No stupidly pretty people. He knew he was sugarcoating things a bit but not that much. He also knew that he couldnt have possibly known how good he had it without getting transported to Chinese Period Drama Hell via vehicular homicide. Hed had no frame of reference to evaluate that life against. Even so, he struggled to understand much of what hed done or failed to do in that life. Sure, people sucked. People would always suck. It was humanitys default setting as near as he could tell. But hed taken that essential truth and overcorrected his behavior out of largely meaningless fears about being embarrassed or even less plausible fears of causing a scene and ending up in a fight. The possibility of embarrassment had felt like a life-or-death matter, but hed actually found himself in life-or-death situations and knew the difference now. As for causing a scene and ending up in some kind of physical altercation, that was just plain laughable. Hed never, in his entire life on Earth, run with the kind of people where that was a possibility. His crowd had consisted of people who specialized in passive-aggressive anger because, shockingly, they too lived in abject fear of one day finding themselves in a fistfight. Even the bars they went to were so low-key that fights never happened. Terry did his best to dismiss thoughts of home and how idiotic hed been there. He couldnt get back. And, even if he could get back to his world, he couldnt get back to his life. Terry Williams was dead and gone back there. The best he could have hoped for was getting back and assuming someone elses life. At least, thats how he thought this whole thing worked. He honestly wasnt sure about the mechanics and neither was anyone else. No one had even been able to tell him for sure if hed pushed a soul out of the body he was in now. The hard takeaway was that the Terry he remembered from that world could never, ever benefit from all these new experiences and altered worldview. That thought dredged up an intensity of homesickness he hadnt felt in a long time. Its not like I ever dealt with that loss, he thought. Ive just been too busy to think about it. Not that I really know how someone is supposed to cope with losing their life and a whole goddamn world. They sure as fuck didnt cover that in Psych 101. He was doing his best to shake off that dreadful, overwhelming homesickness when other-Terry chimed in. So, we both know that I dont really like you or possess meaningful interest in your well-being, right? Yeah, Terry thought back. I think weve covered that. Good. With that being said, Im going to point out that youre probably as isolated and alone as ever youre ever going to be. At least, as alone as youll be without one hell-beast or another trying to kill you. Was there a point to that? You know, other than trying to shove me off the bridge of emotional stability into the swamp of existential despair? This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. The point, said other-Terry in an irritated tone, is that if you need to take some time to feel shitty and ill-used by the universe at large, this is the best chance youre probably ever going to get. Oh, thought Terry, feeling a bit like hed been struck by lightning. Also, and this is a one-day, one-time offer, if you feel the need to cry like a little kid who just fell off their Huffy bike for the first time, I will forever pretend that I have no knowledge of it. Despite the overwhelmingly douchey way that other-Terry had framed everything, it was a useful suggestion. His offer to ignore any stray tears that might fall off Terrys face for the rest of the day was a kindness hidden inside an insult. If anything, the blatant assholery of the exchange actually made it easier for Terry to see the value in the suggestion. He was painfully conscious of the fact that he wasnt a very self-aware person. That being said, he had been exposed to enough psychology and self-help books to recognize that simply bottling up his emotions was a short-term fix. It might even prove a potentially dangerous choice. One made even more dangerous by his newfound power in this world. If hed just broken up with someone or lost his job, he could probably ignore those feelings without endangering anyone or anything aside from his stomach lining and blood pressure. The simple magnitude of what hed lost, though, was such that he knew hed bottled up some powerful emotions. If he didnt do something to at least start to address them, those emotions might just come spilling out of him at some dangerous time or in some unpredictable way. For all he knew, theyd already been pushing him to do things he might have otherwise thought better of in other times. Not that hed been kicking puppies for giggles or pretending he was going to place orders with elderly Avon Ladies. He wasnt a monster. But he couldnt say that everything hed done since arriving had been rational. Not that this is a rational kind of place, he grumbled. Terry walked over to where the fire had been and poked at the ashes in desultory fashion. He managed to unearth a few coals. He spent some time slowly piling small sticks and then larger pieces of wood onto those coals. Then, he just sat next to it and stared into the flames. He kept shying away from the place in his heart where hed been stuffing all his feelings about what had happened to him. Some of it was just good old male reluctance to confront his feelings. Yeah, he thought. The indoctrination is strong in this one. The rest of it was genuine fear about what he might find if he dared to open that Pandoras Box. After all, there was no guarantee that hed find hope at the bottom. It was all-too-likely that hed only find despair. That, more than anything else, was what kept him from diving right in. Hed been running on momentum, anger, and a surprisingly robust survival instinct. If despair took him so far from anything like civilization, so far from what passed as normalcy in this world, he might just end up feeding himself to the next monster that came along. At the same time, he knew he couldnt keep putting it off. It was, much like Terrys student loan debt had been, too much and too big to ignore. Grimacing, he finally made himself stop looking away and faced it directly. As terrible as hed imagined it would be, the reality was a thousand times worse. The thing that hurt him most was the yearning for the familiar. He so very desperately wanted to turn a corner and see a gas station or chain grocery store. He wanted to see cars. Hed have even settled for electric cars. He wanted power lines, traffic congestion, light pollution, and music-on-demand. He wanted single serve coffee pods and drive-thru burgers that were more salt than meat. He wanted to hear police sirens at midnight and to watch his crazy neighbor argue with the mailman about the alien lizards who were controlling the Amusement Park-Industrial Complex. He wanted home with all of its flawed complexity and commonplace miracles. It took Terry a long time to realize that hed curled up next to the smoldering remains of the fire hed long-since forgotten about entirely. With a sigh, he sat up and wiped at his face. It came away wet with tears and a shudder-worthy amount of snot. He hadnt just been crying. Hed been bawling his eyes out. It had definitely been the right choice to do this far away from, well, anyone and everyone who hadnt been rendered semi-comatose by a healing potion. Terry was aware that he still hadnt really dealt with those emotions, but he had at least taken a vague, lurching step in that direction. So, said other-Terry, remember when I said Id pretend not to know anything about you crying? Yeah, said a suspicious Terry. That was before I knew you were going to turn into Mount Saint Mucus. Im totally going to mock you about that until the day you die. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 28 – Is One of Us Drunk? Some part of Terry expected Kelima to come out of her tent in the immediate aftermath of his emotional breakdown. That would have been the most awkward possible thing that could happen at that moment. A real shit cherry to go on top of the shit cupcake that hed just eaten. Well, on balance, hed been eating those cupcakes since he arrived. He just hadnt been quite so keenly aware of eating them as he was now. Yet, despite the perverse joy the universe seemed to take in heaping embarrassment on top of his misery, Kelima didnt come out of her tent. Terry was so suspicious that she was huddled in her tent, hand clamped over her mouth, and barely suppressing giggles, that he went over and looked in. Nope. She was still unconscious. Granted, that made her about as useful as the result of a drunken night of illicit lovemaking between a labradoodle and a chihuahua. However, he could take comfort in the knowledge that a tiny shred of his dignity was still intact and safeguarded from the judgment of others. Thank God other-Terry cant talk to her, thought Terry. The very idea of those two being able to exchange words sent of wave of such undiluted horror through him that it caused an involuntary shudder. Even in Chinese Period Drama Hell, Terry thought that some things should never be considered. Not even in the privacy of ones own mind. After all, he just never knew who might be paying attention. He''d never gotten a satisfactory answer about the existence of gods in this world. Some people claimed that not only were the gods real, but that they would manifest. Others claimed that while they thought the gods were real, they didnt believe that they intervened directly except in highly unusual circumstances. Still others claimed that the gods were real but distant, unknowable figures who took no part in life in this world. And, then there were the atheists. Terrys big takeaway was that this place was so fucked up that there was no way to be sure and, depending on just how fucked up it was at a base level, he might discover that all of those people were right in some twisted way. Like, maybe the gods were in some kind of weird Schrodingers Cat state of both existing and not existing depending on who was looking or how they were looking. It always gave him a headache to think about, so he mostly didnt think about it. Unless a god or goddess appeared to him, he figured that it was best to just leave things the hell alone. He had enough problems without literal divinities showing up and vomiting god things like prophecies and destiny onto him. Fuck that noise. Leave that shit for people who believed and other crucial stuff. Stuff like actually caring. It was the agnostic life for him all the way until he physically could not avoid the issue. Unfortunately, the best way to avoid it becoming physically impossible to avoid the issue was to get stronger. And the only way to do that was to bend to other-Terrys will. Hed known it was inevitable. He just hadnt liked it. So, hed dragged his feet for as long as he could. Having finally bumped into someone Terry was certain could bring his life to a swift and brutal end had convinced him that procrastination was no longer an option. Of course, that had been before other-Terry had taken to chiming in without warning to say things like Hey, Captain Snot-tastic, thundered other-Terry inside Terrys consciousness. You need a tissue? Oh, they dont have those here, do they? Well, Im sure some kind monster will lend you a hanky! If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Id tell you to take a flying leap at a rolling donut, but I guess youd need legs for that you disembodied asshat, retorted Terry. That would have worked better if I actually wanted legs, which I dont. Uh-huh. Sure, you dont. That wasnt funny. That was just mean, complained other-Terry. Relentlessly taunting me about snot, which is something that always happens when you ugly cry like that, isnt funny either. But it hasnt slowed you down one little bit, has it? Well, I hope youre happy. You just sucked all the fun out of that. I guess we need to give you a new title. Terry Williams, Joy Murderer. Rarely have I been so happy that there is no internet here. Thats the kind of shit that both sticks and is always misinterpreted. There was a longer than usual silence before other-Terry spoke again. Was that an AI joke? If it was, I didnt get it. Also, if it was, Im not an AI, dammit. Calm the hell down. It wasnt an AI joke. Jesus, youre awfully sensitive for someone who likes mockery as much as you do. That was followed by an awkward silence. At least, it felt awkward to Terry, which made him wonder about how to define awkward silences. Did both parties need to feel like it was awkward? Was it enough if only one person in the conversation felt awkward? The longer he thought about it, the more it felt like one of those trick questions with no right answer that philosophy professors ask students. Like that trolley one where you had to decide if youd turn it to run over Hitler or Stalin. At least, Terry was mostly sure it was something like that. There had been a pretty girl in that class, and hed been distracted a lot. Maybe it had been that you turned the trolley to run over Hitlers brain in a jar or Stalins brain in a jar. That didnt feel quite right, either, and he finally gave up trying to remember. It wasnt like it made a difference now. Then again, in this world, it might be possible to do something that would make the trolley run over both Hitler''s and Stalins brains in jars. That would actually be kind of awesome, thought Terry. So, its probably not possible. Nothing awesome ever happens here. That led Terry to a moment of rumination. Okay, he admitted to himself, being superhuman is a tiny bit awesome. I just wish it had happened somewhere I hate a little less. Recognizing that he was actively procrastinating now just to avoid doing something he didnt want to do, Terry took a deep breath. So, I guess its time we started talking about how I get strong enough to survive this place. Other-Terrys mental voice came through like he was speaking very slowly. Is one of us drunk? I feel like one of us must be drunk. Im not even joking right now. Look. We both know that guild master could have taken me out. I didnt like that feeling one little bit. So, minimally, I need to learn enough and get strong enough that people like him arent an instant death sentence for me. And by me, I mean us. Shit, muttered other-Terry. Of course, you pick now to decide to get your head out of your ass. What difference does that make? It doesnt. Not really. Then, why are you cursing at me? Because I finally got comfortable with being lazy all the time. Now, I have to break that habit and actually work. I dont want to actually work. Welcome to the joys of adulthood, said Terry. You get to work even when youd rather wipe your ass with sandpaper. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 29 – Training Montage Alright, alright, alright. Lets get this training party started, said other-Terry in an accent. Terry could not, for the life of him, figure out what that accent was supposed to be. It was only when he remembered hearing that alright, alright, alright phrase back on Earth that he put two and two together and asked the question. Was that your Matthew McConaughey impression? Pretty good, right? No, said Terry. It wasnt even kind of good, which I do not understand. How can you possibly be bad at accents that youre pulling from my memory? Maybe you just heard it badly, countered other-Terry. Dont blame me if your organic processing isnt up to snuff. You dont actually expect me to buy that, do you? Ugh. I keep telling you Im not an AI. Why do you keep expecting me to be like one? Terry almost let himself go down the road to the inevitable argument but cut himself off. He wouldnt learn anything from that and, now that he was ready to learn, he wanted to get on with it. Yes, fine. Not an artificial intelligence. Can we please get on with the training before Kelima wakes up and starts talking again? What? Did you think this was going to be some training montage where you master your power in a series of jump cuts set to exciting music? Yes, Terry half-asked. I mean, isnt that a Not a trope. Its a film editing method. It might look like a trope, but it isnt. Well, that blows. Quit whining. Youre already way ahead of the curve with practically no effort. No effort? Do you not recall me fighting my way through that forest? Fine. Fine. Youre way ahead of the curve with a minuscule amount of effort. But the rest wont come free. Youre going to have to try, and this is just day one, warned other-Terry. You''d best settle in for the long haul, Buttercup! Joy, grumbled Terry. First things first, youre going to practice that ice technique, commanded other-Terry. Why that? I dont know. Maybe because its the only thing you know how to do. I know how to do other things, objected Terry. Like what? Well started Terry as he thought back. He was a little dismayed to realize that he didnt actually know how to do anything else. He could use a sword, but he also knew he was borrowing on some kind of intuitive understanding and zero actual knowledge. Most of what he could do either borrowed on strength that hed fallen ass backwards into or it just kind of happened. The lone thing he had personally accomplished in terms of magical know-how since arriving in this world was figuring out that ice technique. Even that was something hed only done the one time. Given how much everyone with even a modicum of authority in this world seemed to rely on magic either directly or indirectly, it gave him pause. You might have a point, Terry conceded. Exactly. So, now that we got that minor tantrum out of the way with a minimum of tears, lets start with the one and only thing that you wont be learning from ground zero. Just for giggles, lets see if you can do it without covering the camp, part of the river, and a comatose girl in inches of ice. Couldnt you have just said to try to make it smaller? I could have. Sure. Again, Terry resisted the urge to say something that would just lead to bickering. That, however, proved a close damn thing that called for much jaw clenching and teeth grinding. It was only after hed gotten his temper back under control that an idea sprang into Terry''s mind. Youre being intentionally irritating. Is it so that Ill call off this whole training thing, and you can go back to slacking? There was a too-long beat of silence before other-Terry said, No. Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. Oh, for fucks sake. Try to be less obvious next time. Alright. I guess if youre going to be all responsible and make me work, we should move away from the campsite a bit. Terry almost asked why, but it didnt take much thought to work it out. The stupid construct had told him why. It mostly boiled down to not killing Kelima by accident. Terry put about a hundred yards between himself and the campsite while moving away from the river. It was still close enough that he could intervene if some monster wandered into the camp, but probably far enough away that he wouldnt inadvertently create a Kelimasicle. He sat down in a cross-legged pose and did his best to steady his breathing. He was at least partly convinced that the ridiculous amount of ground that the ice technique had covered the last time was due to his emotional state. He hadnt been quite at the level of panic, but it had been close enough that it could easily have been mistaken for panic by an observer. If he wanted to exert better control over the size of it, he figured being calm was a good place to start. He expected other-Terry to make some comment, but the construct was oddly quiet and patient for once. That probably meant that he was on the right track. Either that, or he was way off track and other-Terry was waiting to spring some new insult. Terry shook off that thought and just took controlled breaths for most of a minute. Hed never been into things like meditation in his old life, but now he thought that it would have been a useful skill to learn. In a land of magic, it probably would have paid dividends to be able to focus or calm his mind on demand, instead of stumbling his way toward inner calm with the most basic possible breathing exercise. It occurred to him that there were certainly people in this world who could teach him, but that idea didnt exactly excite him. He already dealt with more people than he wanted to. Adding another to that pile would not enhance his well-being. Then, he frowned. Can you teach me how to meditate? he asked other-Terry. Well, yes and no. I can give you techniques, but its not the kind of thing someone can teach. Meditation is, almost by definition, a personal and internal journey. And while I do live inside your consciousness, I wont be able to tell if youre reaching the right mental states. Im not looking to achieve enlightenment. I just need a semi-reliable way to calm my mind and improve focus. Oh, well, those are easier. For calming your mind, the breathing thing is actually pretty effective. It gets your parasympathetic nervous system up and running, which helps you relax. Visualization is also good for that. You know the whole thing about imagining yourself on the beach or by a waterfall or in the cold depths of the void. How do you know Terry started before the constructs final words sank in. The cold depths of the void? Seriously? Hey, there are some species out there who find the idea of a space devoid of all life and matter to be quite soothing. Terry thought that over for longer than was strictly necessary. Im going to choose to ignore that, he finally answered. But how did you know about that parasympathesis nervous system thing? First of all, its parasympathetic. And I didnt know thats what meditation did for your meat cage. You knew it. I did? I could explain the exact details, said other-Terry, but I dont want to. So, just accept that you encountered the information at some point in your old life and move on. Terry ground his teeth some more before, as directed, he accepted it and moved on. Whatever. How do I do the calming meditation? Terry spent the next half-hour trying out different meditation techniques before deciding that the breathing exercise was the most helpful. Every time he tried visualization, slathering monsters kept storming into the scene and shattering his calm. He thought that mantra meditation and body scan meditation might prove helpful in the long term, but he was too scattered to make good use of them at the moment. In the end, he went back to taking controlled breaths. It seemed strange to him to spend so much attention on breathing, but it did work. His thoughts started to slow and, eventually, he reached something that at least shared a neighborhood with calm. He knew that this approach wasnt going to be useful during actual fights. It took too damn long. For right now, though, it was enough. He tried to think back about how hed made the ice technique work before, only to find that he couldnt. Not exactly. It wasnt that his memory was faulty. He remembered the events with the dire wolves with an almost disturbing level of clarity. The problem was that the ice technique was something that had happened inside of him. It had been visceral as much as it had been a thought process, and his recall of those visceral feelings was largely absent. He supposed it was a lot like trying to remember pain or exercise. Any time he tried to recall pain, what he got was a memory that told him that he had felt pain, but nothing about what the experience of that pain was like. He could dredge up times he had gone hiking, and endless walking since arriving in Chinese Period Drama Hell, but the sensations of the ground beneath his feet were vague, fleeting, always on the edge of recall but never within grasp. He spent several futile minutes trying to glean some insight from those imperfect memories of the fight with the dire wolves before glumly acknowledging that he was going to have to do it the hard way. He focused inward on that spot where he assumed he had some kind of a core. Thats what usually powered magic in those isekai and litRPG books and shows. Oddly, once he started the process, he discovered that he wasnt starting from scratch the way hed expected to do. Things felt familiar as he did them, even if he was a long way from understanding what he was doing. Not that doing it was easy. It was anything but easy. Grasping even a tiny piece of the kind of energy that gave off the correct aura was maddeningly difficult. Getting that power to move where he wanted it to go was equally frustrating. But, inch by aggravating inch, he dragged that power from his core to his hand. His one consolation in all of this was the sure knowledge that he wasnt going to accidentally cover twenty acres of land in ice. That moment of distraction nearly cost Terry whatever tenuous control he had over the mana. In desperation, he simply pushed it out of his hand. He didnt try to do anything specific with it. He could work on that later. Right now, he just needed to see if he could get that inside energy to become outside energy. There was a sharp sense of something leaving his hand, which felt strangely light afterwards. Terry took a couple of heaving breaths. Controlling even that tiny bit of mana, or whatever they called it here, had been a mental and physical struggle. Terry glanced in the direction hed pushed the energy, only to have other-Terry burst into maniacal laughter. Well done, oh master of magic. You succeeded in making that most deadly of substances other-Terry paused for effect. Frost. Isekai Terry AHS: Chapter 30 – Sage Wisdom Despite other-Terrys possibly-good-natured-but-probably-mocking comments, Terry had been surprisingly content with his frost. It covered more ground than hed intended, but it had been contained to a circle that was about six feet across. The point was that it hadnt covered everything within a few hundred feet in a thick layer of life-stealing ice. Not that Terry was opposed to life-stealing ice. He just wanted it on-demand, under control, and murdering monsters. Not spreading out from him like a subzero oil spill caused by a sleep-deprived third-mate trying to slalom around reefs in a supertanker. More importantly, despite all the hiccups in the process, it was proof that he could exert some control over the spell or whatever the hell it was called. Technique, supplied other-Terry. Its called a technique. At least, it is in this world. Why? How should I know why they call it that? They just do. I Terry hesitated. No. Thats a fair point. While other-Terry was often a fount of sarcasm-laced information, there were clearly huge gaps in his knowledge of Chinese Period Drama Hell. If it had to do with magic or monsters, the construct could seemingly supply an answer to even very esoteric questions without a problem. His cultural information, on the other hand, was always accurate but nonspecific. The kinds of things that could be inferred from a more general knowledge of how particular kinds of societies worked. The construct just seemed vastly more knowledgeable to Terry because things like nobles, monarchies, and Adventurers Guilds werent a part of his particular culture back on Earth. He didnt think that an analog to the Adventurers Guild even existed where hed come from. What he did know about monarchies and nobility had been gleaned indirectly from history classes, books, and that most reliable of sources, Hollywood. While that provided some foundation for understanding, it was not even remotely the same as growing up with it. Things that the people here intuitively understood were often opaque to him until much too late to be useful or simply never became clear to him. Not that he expected that the people here would do much better if they had been murderhobo-ed to his world by an asshole truck. Things he took for granted, like the rules of the road and movie theater etiquette, would no doubt seem wholly alien to someone like Kelima. That line of thought was promptly interrupted by other-Terry. Are you done daydreaming, yet? You got me into work mode, so lets do some work. Yeah. Yeah, muttered Terry. Im on it. His confidence bolstered a bit by his semi-successful attempt at a smaller version of the ice technique, Terry threw himself back into it. All he achieved was failure and more semi-successful attempts. It seemed that, unlike a certain flying elephant, confidence was not his main problem. His problem was a fundamental lack of skill, talent, or both. Something that no amount of confidence could overcome. I guess it was too much to hope that this would be easy, Terry told the nearby trees. Was it easy to learn all of that programming you used to do? other-Terry asked. No. I guess it wasnt that easy. Not at first. There you go. You will have to put in the time with this. Incremental improvement is the name of the game with fine control over any kind of magic. Thats true everywhere unless youre dealing with a true prodigy. Bad news. You are not a true prodigy. But, if you put in the time, you will get better at it. Good news, though. Since you decided to put Sleeping Beauty over there into a coma, youve got time on your hands. So, back to it. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. If youd care to offer, you know, some helpful advice about how to improve beyond practicing more, Id love to hear it, Terry fired back. Other-Terry went silent for long enough that Terry thought he just wasnt going to answer. So, he was surprised when the construct spoke again. I can only get so much from your memory, but what I can glean tells me that youre trying to move the energy in your core through brute force. Is that about right? Yes, said Terry aloud. Something about having conversations in his head made him feel increasingly like a crazy person the longer they went on. Speaking out loud made it feel less surreal to him, even if it didnt actually change the baseline madness of it. Okay, said other-Terry. That can work, but the general consensus is that its the least efficient way to do it. General consensus? A general consensus made up of whom? Terry, said other-Terry. I want you to consider that question and ask yourself the following question. Do I actually want the answer to that? For once, he simply did as he was instructed and asked himself the question. No, spoke Terry. Dear god, no. I do not want the answer to that, because Im betting that there is a one-hundred-percent chance that the information would just make me unhappy or send me into an existential crisis. Oh yeah, said other-Terry. Probably both. Which would be fun for me but not productive for you. Moving on, said Terry. If brute forcing it is inefficient, whats more efficient? This is going to be one of those things that will aggravate you, and its not because Im trying to mess with you this time. Oh, for fucks sake. Just spit it out. Dont say I didnt warn you, hedged other-Terry. The most efficient way is to form a cooperative relationship with the energy in your core. Once you do that, it will become far more responsive. Terry said nothing as frustration and annoyance warred for dominance inside of him. It felt like his head might explode. Are you shitting me? Terry demanded. Did I not just warn you, in advance, less that one damn minute ago, that this would aggravate you? Yes, admitted Terry. You did warn me. Then, why are you yelling at me? Because that advice doesnt mean anything, shouted Terry. The volume of his words scared some birds that had roosted nearby, sending them into panicked flight. Terry watched them flee into the sky and tried to take calming breaths. I will admit that, as far as advice goes, it definitely leans toward the cryptic. Leans? Okay, said other-Terry. It dives headfirst into the cryptic. But one variation or another of this advice appears from the most talented people in every world where you find magic or cultivation. And trust me, I picked the least obscurantist version of it. Thats actually a little horrifying, observed Terry. This is the thing that trips everyone up about magic. Its not rational. You can slap explanations on top of it. System worlds try to codify it. But, when you get right down to it, magic is, by definition, unnatural. Why does it work? Because reasons. What are those reasons? Nobody fucking knows. As for getting it to work right, that isnt a process you can reason your way through. At some point, you have to just feel your way through it and find whatever you need that lets it flow smoothly for you. So, basically, I need to find some way to make friends with the energy in my core, so that it will do what I want. Is that about the size of things? I probably wouldnt have put it that way, mostly because it sounds like something youd hear in kindergarten or a childrens cartoon, but sure. If that works for you, its close enough. Should I build a campfire, smoke weed with the energy, and do a Kumbaya singalong with it? asked Terry. Okay, youre just being an asshole. Terr sighed and said, Yeah, I kind of am. Also, they dont have marijuana in this world. So, no weed for you. Whos being the asshole, now? I am, Terry. I am. Also, its time to get back to work. Break out your guitar and start singing, flower child. Croon your sweet song of seduction to that energy. Have I mentioned recently how much I hate you?