《Inescapable Escapism》 Announcement time! Hello everyone! I have exciting and scary news. You might have noticed that book one has disappeared and thats because Inescapable Escapism has been published! The ebooks and paperbacks have been published through Riverfolk Books, and the audiobook was published by Tantor Media! It''s still not quite sunk in that this series has been published. I still remember coming up with the idea in the first place and being so excited to write it. Obviously, I am still excited to write it, but now I have a copy of the first book in my bookcase! And you can too! Head on over to Amazon to get your copy now: https://bit.ly/48rsni4 If you do get a copy of the book, Id love for you to leave me a review on Amazon or Goodreads, but there is no obligation. I''d just love to hear what you think of the book! Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Ive really appreciated everyones support so far, and I hope you enjoy the polished version of book one, The Worlds Behind Her Eyelids. Check out how beautiful this cover is! Book one blurb: Grace desires an escape. Anywhere to avoid the hardships that threaten to smother her. Equipped with just her imagination, Grace creates other worlds to slip into whenever needed. Soon, she finds Mitch, a treasure hunter, who takes her under his wing. Together, they journey across the world, following a clue. But, when Graces dreams start to evolve and encroach on reality, she must fight to discover what''s real and what is not. 1. It was a fantasy, nothing more. Your father is such a moron. The words should have been jarring but they meant nothing to me anymore. Logically, I knew that they should have been hard to hear, but my mom had said them so many times before that theyd lost all impact. She sat on the end of my bed and threw her long blonde hair back from her face. My bedroom door was open, he could have easily heard, but I knew she didnt care. It was probably a conscious decision, she wanted him to hear. He just never listens to anything I say, she continued angrily, not seeming to care that I wasnt listening either. Id learnt a lot from her tirades over the years. When I was younger, Id tried to listen more actively, to suggest things that might help, but Id learnt that it was pointless. She didnt want solutions or for things to get better, she just wanted to complain about him. Theyd been together for twenty years, married after two years, had me just under two years after that, and from what I could gather, theyd never had a good relationship. Sometimes, shed tell stories of when they first got together, how incompetent and clueless hed been. Shed apparently been chased by so many men, all of whom were better than my dad, but shed settled for him. I didnt believe her stories though. She liked to exaggerate things. She always wanted her life to sound grander and more interesting than it really was. I got that, to a certain extent. I didnt really like my life either. It was fine. I couldnt really complain. I went to a good school, didnt do too badly, was an only kid, had a pretty nice room to myself, and a couple of friends. It was fine, really. Sure, if I looked into it more, it got a little less fine. I barely slept and was constantly kept awake by the stink of cigarette smoke and the almost deafening sound of the television that came from downstairs. They always had it on loud, that way they didnt need to talk to each other. They spent every evening watching countless shows and movies, on their phones too, basically ignoring the other person. It was for the best. Whenever they talked, they just argued and then my mom would come up to complain about him. She didnt care what time it was or if I was pretending to sleep. Shed slam the door open and drop down on the end of my bed, where she was now, sometimes trailing cigarette ash with her. Id once made the mistake of asking her not to smoke in my room because it made me cough and her reaction had been well. Exactly as expected. Shed accused me of trying to kick her out of her own house. It wasnt worth the fight. I was too tired of it. There was a lull in her conversation as she paused to draw a breath. Mmm, I said noncommittally, knowing that it was all I needed to say to keep her happy. I sucked in a deep breath, being careful not to let it out too heavily in case she mistook it for a sigh again. That had been maybe worse than when I had asked her not to smoke, shed accused me of being bored of her. Which I was. But then shed started ranting about how shed given up her life to raise me and, if it werent for me and my father, shed be running a very successful business by now or modelling or doing some other fantastical thing. I leaned my head back against my headboard and stared longing at the wall of books. My dad never hesitated to buy me a book. I didnt like asking them for anything but he always went out of his way to get me some. I dont know if it was guilt or if he recognised my need to escape. I yearned to be reading one of those books as Mom continued, her face turning redder and her voice getting louder, but instead, I was stuck staring around my room. It was a pretty big room. Dark blue carpets with a couple of burn holes near the end of my bed where mom sat lined the floor, complemented by the light cream walls. A huge window lay at the end of the room overlooking our garden. The fence at the back was loose. Id pried it away from the wooden posts years ago. It was easier to climb over it but, when I was in a rush or didnt want to be seen, squeezing through was better. Id run out there sometimes when my parents were fighting, slip through and venture into the wilderness beyond. A field stretched out behind the house but beyond that was a luscious forest. Moss lined the floor and a thick canopy protected me from the light above. It felt almost like slipping into another world. One where it was quiet and I was safe. You know? my mom demanded, looking at me expectantly. Yeah, I agreed flatly, not bothering or needing to inject any feeling into my voice. It didnt matter, she wasnt listening. Exactly! And yet, he never learns! she continued but Id already stopped listening. My eyes fell on my desk, piled high with half-complete homework. I really needed to get it done tonight. Id fallen behind weeks ago and just didnt have the motivation to do anything about it. I needed to get my parents to sign my planner, acknowledging that they were aware that I wasnt doing my homework and that they would help me with it, but I couldnt do that now. Mom would be too furious. Id wait for the morning when her hangover had set in and she wouldnt be bothered to read the note, shed just sign it. I briefly debated telling her I had homework to do and asking her to leave so that I could work on it but there was no point. She wouldnt care. I stared back at her enraged face, watching detachedly as she waved her hands around, coming close to hitting the high wooden end of my bed but not seeming to notice. My eyes swam out of focus as I searched desperately for a distraction, something to stop me from being trapped in my room with her. My eyes landed on my books again, tracing the blue spine of my favourite book, as an idea slowly came to me. If I couldnt read to escape, maybe I could do it mentally. Just use my imagination to get away from the situation? I breathed slowly and held it, a spark of excitement lighting in my chest. I wanted to go somewhere completely the opposite of where I was now. Somewhere where I felt free and the world was silent. I let the breath out slowly, letting my eyes unfocus completely. The colours blurred, swarming together until they changed into something completely different. A vivid green overwhelmed my vision and I blinked, trying to bring it back into focus. A wild, overgrown field surrounded me, dappled with flowers. The beautiful, bright blue sky lay above me, unmarked by clouds. A gentle breeze caressed my skin and blew my light blonde hair back. Despite knowing I was sitting on my bed, I could almost feel the soft carpet of grass beneath my feet. It smelt so fresh. A giggle slipped out of my mouth but it was lost in the natural symphony of the world around me. Trees rustled loudly in the wind behind me and a hare raced from the underbrush towards me. I froze, worried that my movement might startle the animal, but it seemed unbothered. It stopped right beside me, its giant ears twitching as it stared up at me. Slowly, so as not to scare it, I leant down and reached my hand out. I half expected it to run or bite me because my mom had always warned me to stay away from wild animals, claiming they would attack if they got the chance, but the hare before me didnt. It waited patiently as I gently stroked its soft fur, its eyes shutting in pleasure. I stood again, watching as the hare hopped off again and disappeared down the slight hill, then wiped my hands on my dress skirt. I started to walk before stopping again and staring down at the dress I was wearing. It wasnt what I was wearing in real life but I still recognised it. Id seen someone wearing it online or on television, I wasnt sure. It was an off the shoulder dress in light blue with a gently flared skirt. The small embroidered daisies perfectly matched the wild daisies around me. I ran my hands over the soft tulle skirt, staring in wonder. From the moment Id seen it, I wanted it but I knew there was no point in asking my mom for it. She would buy me the basics, enough so that I looked well cared for, but nothing special. I could have asked my dad. He generally bought me stuff if I asked but it wasnt worth it. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Mom always kicked off if I went to him for anything instead of her. She accused me of trying to drive a wedge between them or said that the only reason I went to him was because I was lying about what I wanted to do with the money or the clothes. Are you even listening? Mom demanded, her voice cutting through my dreams. Of course, I replied, my fantasy world taking on a blurry dreamlike quality as I forced myself to focus on my mom. She scoffed and rolled her eyes, barely pausing before launching back into her rant. I tried to listen but the wonderful world Id created in my mind called out to me and I slipped back into it, my heart growing a little lighter. Grace! Its almost dinner time! a voice called to me across the field. Confusion made me stumble to a halt. It sounded like my mom but something was different. I stared towards the house in distance. I hadnt paid any attention to it just moments before. In fact, I hadnt even noticed it was there. It looked like my house but the red bricks were brighter instead of dulled by age. I could see into the back garden from where I stood on the gently sloping hill. The first thought that I was struck by was that it had everything Id wanted as a kid. That same trampoline that most of the neighbours had, a treehouse, and a swing set. Even a climbing frame, similar to the one at my cousins house. I walked towards the stile built into the fence so that I could climb it easily. I didnt have one along the back fence of my house in real life but then I guess the field behind my house wasnt a wildflower meadow, it was full of sheep. I still climbed the fence quite often though, when I didnt want to risk ruining my clothes squeezing through it. The grass in the garden was less carefully manicured than in real life. Mom always made my dad mow it every Saturday morning, just in case someone was walking through the field and noticed that it was unkempt. Not that anyone ever used the field apart from a couple of farmers and me. The big glass windows were wide open, the red curtains fluttering softly in the wind and sending the aroma of freshly baked cookies towards me. Even in real life, my mouth started to water. They smelt so good. Id just stepped into the house when a voice shouted at me again. Dont forget to wipe your feet before you step on the carpet! that almost-my-moms voice called. I hastened to wipe my feet, worried about making her angry despite knowing that I was in a fantasy and that she wouldnt get mad unless I wanted her to, before stepping further into my lounge. It was cleaner than usual and the blanket on the pullout sofa in front of the television, which I normally left in a heap wherever I discarded it, was neatly folded. The room was much lighter and airier than ever, even though it basically looked the same, and the smell of freshly baked cookies had permeated the room, wafting in gently from the kitchen. Despite knowing that it was a dream, I still felt a flutter of the usual anxiety as I left my lounge and headed towards my moms voice. Hello, darling, the woman standing in the kitchen said in a happy tone. I froze, staring at the person before me. It was clear that she was my mother but at the same time, she looked completely different. Her normally long blonde hair was cut just below her shoulders and bounced in happy waves. It was lighter than normal. Mom always dyed it a little darker, claiming that no one would take her seriously if it were too light. I always hated when she said that because every time shed sneer at me, as if silently telling me that my almost white-blonde hair was a problem. The woman before me smiled even wider and turned to grab a plate of cookies off the side. Do you want one? Theyve not set up yet but they should still be tasty even if theyre a little soft. I reached out numbly and took one, still unable to tear my eyes away from her. I knew that she was just a figment of my imagination but it still filled me with a sad longing as I looked at her. Her face was much paler than my real moms, less sun-damaged, but the main thing that hurt was the expression on her face. There was no anger, no hatred. She just seemed happy to see me. It almost made me want to cry. Is it too hot? she asked, glancing at the forgotten cookie in my hand. No, I said finally, forcing myself to take a bite. Disappointment rushed through me. I couldnt taste anything. I shouldnt have expected to be able to, it was a fantasy, nothing more. I wasnt actually in that beautiful world, I was stuck sitting on my bed and watching my mom get slowly more flushed as she ranted about my dad and how she never should have married him. So? my fake mom asked, watching me chew in eager anticipation. I swallowed and smiled, wanting to make her happy. Its delicious. Her face lit up. Oh, good! Do you want another? I shook my head, wishing that I could taste them for real. Im okay. Dont want to fill up before dinner, I said, glancing at the clock on the wall above the table. Are you sure? Youre a growing girl, you need to be eating more! she insisted. A smile came over my face. Im sure, Im not hungry at the moment anyway. Hmm okay, make sure you have a big dinner at least. Im making your favourite, lasagne! I swallowed down a bitter lump of sadness and blinked myself back into my bedroom. My mom hadnt made my favourite dish in years. Most of the time, the cooking fell to me to do because my dad got home too late from work and my mom was always just busy. I didnt mind it too much, I quite liked cooking, but after school sometimes I just settled for eating plain pasta or some toast because I was too tired to make anything else. Honestly, he just doesnt get it! my real mom exclaimed before standing with a heavy sigh and striding out of the room. I slumped back against my headboard, letting out a soft breath, my mind straying back to the fantasy Id created before. It hadnt felt just like I was using my imagination, it had felt more real. It almost felt like I was actually there. It had never felt like that before. Id been able to feel the wind against my skin, smell the delicious aroma of the cookies and feel the floor beneath my feet. It was wonderful and it immediately made me hungry for more. If I could make a better world where I could be happy and have everything I wanted, could I do better? What if I could do something a bit more fun? My eyes landed on my bookshelf again, finding a small book with a navy blue cover. My lips slowly rose into a smile as a slight dizziness washed over me and I let my eyes drift shut. The boat rocked under me and the hard plastic seat I was perched on felt cold even through the wetsuit that I was wearing. The sharp, salty tang of the sea burnt my nostrils as I slowly blinked my eyes open and glanced around at my surroundings. The light was almost blinding but my eyes quickly adjusted and once they had, my mouth almost dropped open. The sun reflected harshly off the water surrounding our boat as we sped towards the dark coloured, jutting stone cliffs. The balmy breeze and the way the warmth settled against my cheeks, despite how fast we were moving, made me certain that we werent in England anymore. Okay, kid, an older man I didnt recognise started loudly over the roar of the speedboats engine, once we get closer to the drop point, Ill bring us to a stop and then you can dive down and look for our target. A small trill of excitement burst in me as I looked down at the iPad on my lap which showed a grainy image of a scan of the seabed. Raised shapes stood out clearly but I had no clue what they could be. That wasnt in the book. Then what? I asked uncertainly. He looked at me like Id said something very dumb. Then, you use the winch to bring it back up. Honestly, kid, weve done this a bunch of times. Are you really not used to it by now? His tone was concerned and his tanned face was wrinkled with worry. Sorry, I said quickly. I just want to make sure Ive got everything right before I go. Wouldnt want to make another mistake like last time. My lie came out surprisingly easily and the old man laughed. Damn right, kid. If you break one more priceless artefact, Im going to drop you back in that bar where I found you, he chuckled but his tone made it clear he was joking. Okay, so I dive down, find the thing and then attach the winch? Easy, I said with feigned confidence. Good. Get your gear on, we cant spend too long here otherwise those damn pirates are going to find us again, he grumbled darkly. I had been starting to stand to walk towards the scuba gear at the back of the boat but my feet stilled. Pirates? I said uncertainly. That definitely hadnt been in the book. But, then again, the guy in front of me was nothing like the crotchety old mentor from the book Id read. And, in the book, they hadnt met in a bar. I wasnt even old enough to go to a bar, I was fifteen. A thrill of excitement went through me as I realised that Id made these details up subconsciously, no doubt to make it more fun than the book had been. Whats the point of living out a story if you already know how it ends? Pirates, mercenaries, same thing. Either way, theyre trying to get to this before us and if they do, well never be able to make any money from it. Or did you forget what happened last time when those assholes almost blew you to smithereens? he asked, his eyes narrowed behind his sunglasses. I swallowed. Despite knowing it was a dream, it was a little scary. I knew that I couldnt be hurt but still, I didnt want it to go badly. It might have just been my perfectionist streak but I didnt want to let the man down. Plus, I wanted to see what the treasure sitting at the bottom of the ocean was. Hurry up, kid! I just said we dont have time to waste and youre faffing! Get that tank on now! he called, breaking me from my worries. I continued towards the back of the boat, my brain spinning with information. It was too different to the story. I wouldnt be able to do it just based on my knowledge of how theyd found the treasure in the book, I needed to go back. Maybe to the bar where this guy said wed first met. I blinked my eyes open, a shiver coming over me. It had started to get dark out. I could see through my window that the sun was dropping lower in the sky, setting it alight with vivid orange hues. My stomach growled with hunger and my legs cramped as I stretched them out, unaware of how long Id been sitting huddled up on my bed. It had only felt like a few minutes but I was sure that it had still been fully light outside when my mom left the room. My daydreams would have to wait. Despite how little I wanted to leave my room, I needed to have some food and get ready for bed. But still, the fantasy hovered at the back of my mind, begging me to slip back into it. 2. You鈥檙e about twenty years too young for my liking. Full but not yet satisfied, I reclined back on my bed and pulled the duvet even higher. Dinner had been sad, even by my standards. Id settled for noodles fried quickly with a dash of soy sauce. I wanted to be in and out of the kitchen before my mom got the chance to come down so I settled for the quickest thing I could make. Id wolfed it down as quickly as possible too, not daring to eat in my room with how furious she still was. Shed locked herself in their bedroom, probably banishing my dad to the guest room for the night again, but Id still heard her stomping around up there. Every so often, just when Id managed to get my anxiety back under control, shed throw something or slam a door and my heart would start racing again. A soft knock came from the door before it opened, spilling a harsh light into my darkened room. Night, darling, my dad said softly as he poked his head around the door. Im sorry about that earlier. I pushed myself up slightly and shook my head. Its fine, dad. It wasnt your fault, I said. He smiled wryly at me. Im sure your mother would probably disagree with that, he joked but it fell flat. Did you manage to get all your homework done? Yep, I said quickly, not wanting to tell him the truth because I knew hed just worry. He smiled softly. This time it was much more genuine than the one before. Good girl, Im proud of you. Sleep well. Thanks, you too, I said, feeling my heart deflate slightly with shame. He closed the door again my eyes fell on the stack of books on my desk. I hadnt had a chance to do any of my homework for the next day and I knew hed blame himself if I told him the truth. Part of me wanted to get out of bed and do some now, at least my French homework as I had that first thing, but I knew it wasnt worth it. If Mom managed to convince herself that I was up to no good or sneaking out, shed come and check on me at some point too and it wasnt worth it. If she caught me up and doing my homework, I probably wouldnt get any sleep. And Id have to put up with comments from her about how I am lazy or stupid and will probably never amount to anything. It wasnt worth it. Id do them in the morning or during form time. Plus, my brain kept floating back to the imaginary world Id created earlier. I wanted the chance to explore it properly. It had been so hard to keep myself from slipping into it whilst cooking and getting ready for bed but now, there was nothing stopping me. I blew out a soft breath, letting that gentle wave of vertigo wash over me, and let my eyes shut. I opened them again cautiously. Loud music immediately assaulted my ears and I had to resist the urge to cover them with my hands. If I did that, Id give away my position. I was perched on a fairly low wall overlooking a beer garden. The people in it werent paying me any attention and I was basically shrouded in darkness because all of the lights were pointed at the small, hastily thrown together stage where a band was playing music. Well, Im not sure that music was the right term. It was more just a solid wall of noise that threatened to overwhelm me. I wasnt quite sure why I was sneaking in but it didnt matter, I knew I needed to get inside. Not inside the beer garden, but into the pub itself. There was someone in there, I wasnt quite sure who but I knew that if I saw them, Id recognise them immediately. I smoothed my palms down my front, hoping to wipe away some of the sweat that was building there, but what I felt made me freeze and glance down. Again, I was wearing clothes Id never worn before and definitely didnt own. The black skinny jeans hugged my legs tightly and the semi low-cut top Id apparently thrown on under my leather jacket was far more daring than anything Id wear in real life. I didnt even own a leather jacket! Mom had told me that they were a symbol of rebellion and stupidity and said if I ever came home wearing one, shed throw it in a fire immediately. Which, of course, made me want one even more. With another glance at the people standing below me, I realised that I looked pretty similar to them. They were mostly wearing dark clothes and there were more leather jackets down there than Id ever seen before. I snorted a quiet laugh. It was basically my moms nightmare. My mouth twitched up in a smile as I imagined her amongst the revellers down there. They all looked drunk and, despite the fact she often polished off a bottle of wine or more in one night (amongst other things), she had a hatred for people who drank often. It was hilariously ironic to me but Id never point it out to her. Bringing my mind to the present, I leaned back against the cool bricks and looked down at the wall I was on. It wasnt too high, probably only a little taller than my own height. I wasnt sure if it was to keep people out of the garden or just to stop others from seeing in. Glancing along the wall, I realised there was an easy way into the garden; giant bins lined the outside of it. From there, anyone on the street outside would have been able to climb up, hop the fence and get into the garden. Actually, I realised as I looked around the garden and the street beyond, it looked a lot like the pub in the village next to mine. It was infamous for serving people who were underage and, apparently, it was pretty easy to get into. But that wasnt why I was there. I was there to find someone and I couldnt do that if I spent all night perched on the wall, just waiting to be caught. The band finished their song to tremulous cheers again and I seized the opportunity to carefully jump down, the drop jarring my legs for just a moment and making me stumble forwards into a guy who had just come out of the pub. Luckily, hed been watching the band but he looked around at me as I collided with him. Watch where youre He stopped suddenly, his eyes scanning me up and down, lingering for slightly too long on my flushed chest. Sorry about that, you startled me. You ought to be careful, if you run into the wrong guy like that, you never know what could happen. I resisted a shudder at his flirtatious growl, feeling the urge to cover myself up and run away from him in disgust, but I forced myself to smile playfully. Sorry about that, I said cooly. And, thanks for catching me. I shot him a smile and started to move past him. Hey now, he said, catching my arm in his. Youre welcome. Why dont you buy me a drink to say thank you? His eyes lingered on my chest for just a moment too long and I pried my arm out of his claw-like grip. Ah, another night. Im actually on my way out, I said with a calm smile, turning away from him and moving towards the door. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. Luckily, the band drowned out his reply which, based on his expression, I was sure would have been insulting. The door closed behind me, muffling the din of the band, and I moved along the dark corridor, my hand trailing gently on the slightly sticky painted wall. Once upon a time, it would have been a very pretty bar but the natural wood panelling on the walls had been painted a tar-like black that was somehow tacky. Instinctively, I held my breath as I passed the toilets and slipped into the main room of the bar. It was quieter than outside but not by much. People huddled around tables, drinking watered-down alcohol and laughing loudly. Bits of conversations reached out towards me but I didnt care. They werent who I was looking for, I was looking for the man who was sitting at the bar, silently nursing a whiskey. I couldnt go right over to him. I knew that he listened to me and accepted my proposal because he was the same man from the boat but still, I knew Id need to convince him. I made my way through the crowded room, dodging wandering hands and drunk guys like I had a lot of experience and leant on the bar, waiting for the bartender to notice me. He came to the woman beside me first, which was lucky because I hadnt worked out what to order yet. I wasnt a particularly big drinker. Sure, Id drank before, what fifteen-year-old hadnt, but I didnt drink much. I mostly just drank whatever was around, normally vodka because people always had that at parties. I didnt go to many though. Parties made me uncomfortable and my mom rarely let me go anyway. I think she was convinced that, if she let me go to a party, Id end up a drunk and then shed never get rid of me. Shed actually told me that a few times. More than a few. Spiced rum and diet coke, the woman beside me said in a raspy voice. Got it, the bartender said with a smile before turning to me. You two together? Nah, I said, trying to sound as calm and collected as she had. His eyes scanned my face for a second as he poured her drink and I could tell that he was debating asking me for my ID, which I didnt think I had, before he placed her drink on the counter and shrugged. What do you want? he said as he took her money and gave her the change. Same as her actually, I said with a smile. Good call! Its the best, isnt it? the woman cried with a smile as she sipped the drink. Yeah, I love it! That was a lie, Id never had rum before. Are you here by yourself? she asked with an easy smile as the bartender poured my drink. Do you want to come hang out with my friends? I glanced over her shoulder at the group shed gestured towards. They were all women, seeming to be in their early twenties like her, and they were giggling freely. A pit of longing opened in my stomach. Part of me did want to go hang out with her and her friends and completely forget about the reason Id even gone to the bar in the first place. They seemed so nice and Id always longed for a group of friends that I felt comfortable with. Not that I didnt have friends or like them, but the idea of a big group of friends always filled me with longing. But I couldnt just blow off the reason I was in the pub. Sorry, I said with a genuine and regretful smile, Im meeting someone. I jerked my head towards where the guy was sitting causing the girl and the bartender to look over at him. Okay, I see it. Hes kind of cute in a rugged, old way. Is he rich? the girl asked, sipping her drink whilst still watching him. The bartender placed my drink in front of me, waiting for my answer too. I had no idea what to say so I forced myself to laugh as I slipped a crumpled note from my pocket. I hope so, I said, shooting her a wink before picking up my drink and slipping through the crowd towards him, not bothering to wait for my change. Taking a sip from the thin black straw, I found myself grateful that I couldnt taste the undoubtedly acrid drink, if my experience with alcohol taught me anything. The smell alone was enough to warn me off it. It was strangely warm and comforting but there was a definite note of paint stripper underneath. Is this seat taken? I asked as I approached the man. I wish it was, he muttered, not taking his eyes off the phone clutched in his hand. I hopped onto it, turning back towards the crowd and subtly glancing at the screen as I did so. It was clear that he was looking at a map on it but I wasnt sure what it was a map of. There was a big rectangular building in the middle and a lot of empty space around it. Im Grace, I said over the noise. His eyes flicked up to my face for a second before he looked away again but I forced myself to keep my eyes on the crowd. I wasnt quite sure what I was looking for but it was definitely something. Who are you? I asked finally when it became clear that he wasnt going to answer me. Uninterested, he said shortly. And about twenty years too old. I snorted. That wasnt my question. Does it matter? he asked, looking away from the map in exasperation. Does anything? I almost winced as the words came out of my mouth. Id meant it to sound snappy and cool but I just sounded like an idiot. No. Life is mostly void of meaning but there are still a few good things in it, he said, taking a sip of his drink. Like what? He took a deep breath, clearly annoyed by my continued questioning. Good whiskey, not this swill, obviously, cigars, women and silence. I wasnt sure how to respond to that but I couldnt stop the laugh that came out of my mouth. So, where are you from? Its clear that accent isnt from around here, I said after a moment. He sighed heavily and locked his phone before turning towards me. God youre a persistent little thing, arent you? he asked. I cocked an eyebrow and took another sip as I waited for his response. Kentucky, originally. Spent some time in the Caribbean, Greece, even lived in Ireland for a spell. Youre from round these parts, he said simply. It wasnt a question but I felt the need to answer it anyway. Eh, kind of. Started off in London but didnt last there long, went to Northampton after that then got sent further up north for a bit. Nottingham/Lincoln area, I said, the words spilling out effortlessly. And now Im here. I wasnt sure where that lie came from but it must have sparked some interest in him because he looked away from the mirror behind the bar and examined me shrewdly. Youre pretty young to have lived in all those places. How old are you? he asked, his head cocking to one side. Young enough to not want to answer too loudly in here, I said. He laughed loudly and unexpectedly. So, young enough to get kicked out if you answer my question? What are you doing here then? He hadnt asked it in a rude way but still, I hesitated before answering him. I couldnt tell him the truth. Even though it was just a fantasy, I wanted to play it cool. Looking for a way to pass the time. The crease in between his eyebrows deepened. Is that so? Well, unfortunately for you, kid, youre about twenty years too young for my liking, he said lightly. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at him. Yes, because thats the only way someone can pass the time, I said flatly, hoping that hed understand my sarcasm. His lips twitched under his bushy moustache. Alright, what were you thinking then? he asked, still looking at me instead of at the bar. I looked away from him, taking a deep breath to steady myself so that I could answer him but instead, something caught my eye. People were watching us. And not just in a slightly creepy yet innocent people-watching way. They were watching us. Intently. I swallowed and tried to look casual as I glanced around the crowded pub. Six. Six people were watching us. They were pretty obvious to spot, they werent even trying to blend in. They hadnt gotten drinks and they werent wearing the typical pub attire either. From what I could see, they were dressed all in black with strange utility vests, and their eyes were fixed on us. Umm, I started. The old guys must have realised something was wrong because his head whipped around to the mirror and I saw him scanning the pub. Did you bring them in here? he demanded quietly. No! Did they follow you? I dont think so, I cried as softly as possible, not wanting the people who were watching to catch on to my panic. Even though I knew it was fake, my heart was pounding in my chest. How did you get here? he asked, pretending to take a sip of his drink whilst he scanned the mirror again. I snuck in! Climbed the back wall. Do you think they followed me? He nodded, his expression grim. They could have but Im not sure. He took another sip. Okay, kid, go hide in the bathroom, Ill lure these assholes out of here and then, in a couple of hours or so, you can go back home safely. My eyebrows drew together at that horrible plan. It wouldnt work and I needed to find a way to go with him, if I didnt then it would have all been for nothing. Well, as great as that plan sounds, its pretty terrible. Do you really think that none of those people have seen my face or that they wont follow me into the bathroom? I said, raising one eyebrow at him. Crap, he muttered under his breath. Alright, fine. New plan, Im going to go out the front and lure them into the alley beside the pub. You, wait a minute until most of them leave and then go out the back. Hop the wall and hide until Ive taken them all down, then Ill find you and well try and work out a way to get you home safely. I opened my mouth to ask what if there are more people waiting out there? but hed already drained his drink and pushed away from the bar. My heart started pounding as my eyes followed him. He weaved his way through the bar, not even bothering to try and hide, and disappeared through the door. Automatically, I glanced at the people whod been watching us. Most of them had left but one stayed behind. His eyes were fixed on me and when my gaze met theirs, his lips slowly broke into a cruel smile that made my heart stutter. 3. It won鈥檛 be like the video games. My heart started pounding in my chest as the guys smile grew even wider. His dark green eyes never left my face as he slowly pushed away from the table and he started to weave sinuously through the crowd towards me. There was no point in waiting, I needed to leave now. I put my drink down on the counter and slipped off the stool Id been perched on. I needed to get out before he could reach me. I ducked behind a group of people who were talking loudly, squeezing up against the wall so that I could pass without them noticing. I managed to make it into the corridor without attracting too much attention but I had to force myself not to break into a run. If I didnt hurry up, not only would that old guy not wait for me but the guy following me would catch up and I didnt know what would happen then. But, running felt too obvious. People would stare. Just as I reached the door to the garden, I heard the other door open behind me, but I couldnt risk looking back. I pushed the surprisingly heavy door, barely noticing the biting wind as I burst into the garden. The band were still playing a punishingly loud song and the garden was dark except for the stage but that was better. It meant that I could slip into the crowd unnoticed as I surveyed the wall, trying to work out how to climb it. I needed a way to get over it but I was too short to just pull myself up and there were no bins on this side for me to climb onto. Wait, no. There was one. A small open-topped trash can, overflowing with clear plastic cups, lay near the back corner. If I could climb onto there, I could probably pull myself up onto the wall. Id need to be careful though, I really didnt want to fall into that bin. My heart echoed in my ears as I edged closer, trying not to be obvious about it in case the guy who was following me saw and tried to cut me off. People surrounded me on all sides, most of them taller than me and swaying to the music. Normally, it would have been overwhelming but, for once, I appreciated being short. It meant that I was essentially hidden. I reached the edge of the crowd, the acrid stench of cigarette smoke filling my nose, and stared at the bin. If I moved quickly and perched just on the edges, Id be able to get up onto the wall before I was seen. I just needed to get there quickly before I was seen. Taking a deep breath, I dashed towards the bin and threw myself onto it. Scrabbling to avoid slipping into the rubbish, I barely managed to climb up before a shout from the crowd grabbed my attention. I couldnt stop myself that time. I glanced behind me, seeing the guy force his way through the people, his eyes still fixed on me. Panic raced through me and I managed to throw my arms over the wall, stretching one leg up onto it before gloved fingers found my other ankle. My eyes widened in fear and I kicked my leg furiously, trying to escape his grasp but he was too strong. He was trying to drag me back. I glanced over the wall, hoping that somehow, the old guy would be there to help me but I could see him disappearing around the corner at the end of the alley next to the wall. The people in black were following him. I didnt have a chance to worry about him though because a shout came from behind me. Hey! Whats going on there? Hope fluttered in my chest as the commotion behind me grew. Help! He wont let go! I cried, making my voice as shrill and panicked as possible. It wasnt hard. What the hell, man? someone shouted and I risked another look backwards. A few people were huddled around the guy, grabbing at him and trying to pull him off me. I grasped the wall even tighter, my slippery hands making it difficult, and kicked out. My leg finally slipped free and I hauled myself up onto the wall but the momentum sent me tumbling off the other side, landing heavily on the plastic bins before crashing to the floor. The air was knocked out of me but luckily, pain couldnt reach me in the fantasy. I rolled to my feet, sucking in air and looked up. Crap, slipped out of my mouth. The people who had been chasing after the old guy must have heard me because theyd turned and were slowly advancing towards me. I wasnt sure why theyd left the other person and decided to chase me but they had. I turned, my hands shaking with nervousness, and started sprinting towards the road that was somewhere behind me. Their footsteps pounded against the tarmac behind me, spurring me on. I emerged from the alley and raced along the street, glancing at the houses that I passed. I could have easily banged on the doors and hoped that someone came out and helped but I knew it was pointless. I needed to find a way to find the old guy but I didnt know where hed gone. Hed said that he would find me but I wasnt sure how he planned on doing that. Annoyance at myself washed through me despite my panic. Id screwed it up and I was half tempted to try again. I controlled the fantasy. I could go back and start over, spot the bad guys before it got that far and insist that we escape together. I reached the end of the street and ran out into the road without looking, my heart almost stopping when a screech of tires erupted behind me. I leapt to the side, hoping that it wouldnt hit me or, if it did, that I wouldnt feel it, and span around. An old-looking cream car had come to a stop not far from where Id been standing just moments before and, behind the wheel, the old mans face was pale. Relief washed through me. What are you standing around for, kid? the man demanded. Get in! I didnt even hesitate. I threw myself over the bonnet of the car and ripped the door open, diving inside. I slipped on the leather seat as the wheels spun into motion and we sped along the street. Get that seatbelt on, kid. Ive almost killed you once today, I aint doing it again, he growled, glancing in his mirrors to watch the people standing in the road behind us. I reached blindly for the belt, not wanting to take my eyes off the people behind me, but we turned a corner before long and they were lost from sight. I was finally able to breathe properly as we sped past the church, the road still empty behind us. Who the hell were those people and why were they chasing us? I asked, my voice wavering with anxiety. It was just a fantasy, I tried to remind myself but it was difficult. It felt real. I could feel the cold leather seat under me and my body swayed in time with the car''s movements. Even when that guy had grabbed me earlier, it had felt real. I had felt his leather glove wrap so tightly around my bare ankle that, even now, it still throbbed slightly. Assholes, the guy growled. Theyve been following me since I crossed the channel. Ive switched cars three times and yet they still keep finding me. I thought Id be safe in this backwater town but they even managed to find me here. My head swam from the information but I forced myself to repeat the question. Who are they and what did they want? He took his eyes away from the road for a second to glance at me before he cleared his throat. Thats a complicated question with an even more complicated answer, he answered finally. We got time, I said as my hands tightened on the edges of the seat. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! No, we dont. I need to find a safe place to stash you. Do you live near here? he asked, his eyes flicking to the mirrors often. Kinda, the answer slipped out of my mouth. Got a foster home nearby. His eyes narrowed and he glanced at me again. You like it there? he asked carefully. I scrunched up my nose, a little unsure how to answer. Not really, I said finally, thinking of my real home. I mean, its not too bad. Lot of arguments though. The guy was silent as we slipped through the streets. Do they treat you right? Look after you properly? Make sure you got food and all? he asked after a while. I swallowed as a wave of unexpected sorrow washed over me but I couldnt shake the lump in my throat so I just shook my head. Tears threatened my eyes as I stared at the darkened dashboard. I could feel his eyes on me but I couldnt look up. I couldnt do anything as hopelessness washed over me. The answer was no. My parents didnt treat me right. They didnt look after me properly or make sure I had food. My dad tried but he worked too much, he was barely home. But Mom She didnt even try. Alright, kid. Im not going to force you to go back if you dont want to. I know what its like to grow up in a place where youre not wanted, he said so gently that it made a tear slip from my eyes. I have nowhere else to go, I admitted quietly. I didnt. What was I meant to do? Run away and hope that someone takes me in? Maybe some of my family would but not if it meant risking my moms wrath. Plus, they believed that any issues should be settled within our family so they wouldnt get involved with what was going on with her, no matter how miserable I was. I sniffed and stared out the window at the shadowy world slipping by. I could tell that the guy was struggling with something but I was too trapped within my own sorrow to say anything. My stomach ached with sadness, leaving me hollow. What if you did? he asked finally. I shook my head. It doesnt matter, I dont. But what if you did? he pressed. Where? I asked flatly. He glanced up at the mirror again. Couple of options. I know a nice family that would take you in, friends pretty high up in social services that could help gloss over the foster placement too. Or He trailed off and I waited for him to continue. The ache in my stomach subsided for a moment as he thought for a minute. You were pretty good back there. You spotted them in the bar before I did, managed to get away from them too. Do you fight? I shrugged, not sure why he asked. I did karate when I was younger. That was true. My mom liked to tell people very loudly that she was making sure I could look after myself if needed. You ever been in a real fight? Its pretty different to karate but that can give you a good basis. Couple of times, nothing big though. That one was a lie but in my fantasy, anything could be the truth. Youre a pretty fast runner, I saw that much. Can you swim? Yeah, I said. I wasnt sure where he was going but excitement was building within me. What about climbing? You ever done rock climbing? I shook my head. When I was in primary school, Id gone to a rock climbing party but I felt like that didnt count. No? Thats fine, you can pick that up quickly enough. What about heights? You scared of them? I considered it. In real life, they made me a little uneasy. I wasnt the most graceful person in the world and I was always a little worried that at some point, Id slip and fall if I went too close to the edge. But, he didnt need to know that. Dont think so. Why? Are you smart? Do you do well at school? he asked, ignoring my question. My face scrunched up at that. I wasnt dumb but school wasnt for me. I did well when I tried or cared about what we were learning about but the rest of the time, I didnt have it in me to try. Kind of but I dont really like school, I said awkwardly. Why not? I considered my answer carefully, feeling like my answer was important. Its boring, I know Ill never use half the stuff we learn there and even the teachers know that. He snorted. You sure about that? I mean, I used to feel the same way but being out in the world changed things. I mean, travelling is pretty tough with no knowledge of geography. And, how are you meant to know where to anchor ropes for climbing if you dont know about the rock types? he asked gently. Umm I started but he wasnt finished talking. And with no knowledge of chemistry, how are you meant to know how to mix explosive substances? Do you know how often that comes in handy out there? I shook my head but didnt speak. Exactly! And if youve never studied biology, how would you deal with a bullet wound or an infection? Do you know what to look out for? How would you deal with a snake bite? Damn, if you dont pay attention in school, youre screwed out there. He sighed and shook his head. I was aware that I was gaping at him and finally managed to make my mouth form words. I dont think weve ever learnt anything like that in school, I said finally. He snorted again. Then, your school has failed you, he said with a heavy sigh. Maybe it wouldnt be the end of the world if you were to drop out Why would I drop out? I asked quickly. I was unsure whether to be scared or excited by where the conversation was going. It was mostly excitement though. I knew I was still back in my bed, in the early hours of the morning. I couldnt be hurt. He sighed heavily. I have an offer, he said, his tone almost regretful. You were useful back there and I think youll continue to be useful. You can come with me. Well travel and youll essentially be homeschooled. Youll still have to have lessons and learn but I guarantee that itll be a lot more interesting than you sitting in a classroom bored out of your wits. Im not a teacher but Ill try to make sure you learn and stay safe. My tongue darted out to wet my lips. It was a terrible idea and I knew it. If it were in real life, I would never have agreed to it. I wouldnt have gotten in the car with that strange man who still hadnt told me his name but it wasnt real life. There was no real risk to me. Still, I wanted to know. Why? I asked. Why would you do this for me? There was a pause and I examined what I could see of his face, searching for answers. Hell, I dont even know why Im doing this but Ive been in your shoes before and you deserve better than what you have. Every kid deserves to be happy and treated properly. Ill do my best to make sure that youre protected and have more chances than you would have here, he said softly. I reminded him of himself, I realised slowly. Guilt washed over me. I was manipulating him. Id made him believe that I was in foster care and treated badly. Maybe I was treated badly but at least I had a dad who cared about me. Its completely your choice kid. I can drop you back with your foster family, take you anywhere you want, find you a better foster family or you can come with me, he said softly. Where would we go? I asked quietly. I mean, firstly well probably have to swing by a buddy of mine who works in child services and child protection so that I dont get done for kidnapping, then Scotland. And, dont worry, when were staying in hotels, youll get your own room. I meant what I said before, I aint looking for anything from you. Im easily old enough to be your dad. My head snapped up and I nodded at the uncomfortable edge to his voice but I chose not to address it any more. Why Scotland? I asked. Id been there. My mom took me there to visit family every summer. Im looking for something. Or, at least, information on something, he answered cagily. What is it? Interest prickled in my stomach, chasing out all traces of guilt. He sighed heavily. Well, this might influence your decision and probably not in a good way but treasure. My mouth dropped open again even though I had been expecting it. Treasure? I asked, needing to make sure Id heard him correctly. I know it sounds crazy but it aint. Thats what I do, Im a treasure hunter for private clients generally, he explained. Youre a treasure hunter? Yep. Have been since I was pretty young myself. Stumbled onto it by accident and here I am some thirty years later. Interest and confusion washed over me. How do you stumble onto treasure hunting? I asked. He snorted a laugh. I ran away. Things were a little different when I was a kid so it was pretty easy to get far enough away from the assholes whod been looking for me. I heard some people talking in a pub one night, talking about one of their new recruits who didnt know shit and that they were pretty sure no one even screened them because they just showed up at camp one day and honestly, that sounded interesting so I followed them back to where they were staying and, the next morning, did the exact same thing. A wistful smile came over his face and he chuckled. What happened? Did they question you or just go along with it? I asked, fascinated and desperate to know more. Oh yeah. Im not sure if it was their recruitment style or if they were just used to picking up strays but they didnt even question it. Within the day, I had a new identity, new passport, hell, I even had a new wardrobe. They took care of everything and we flew out that evening. I got a crash course in how to find things no one wants you to find and by the end of my time with them, I was pretty good. Why did you leave? I regretted the question as soon as it came out. His face tightened noticeably and his hands clenched around the steering wheel. Lets just say we had some conflicting morals, he said finally. I nodded, wanting to know more but I figured Id find out at some point. A yawn fought its way out of my mouth and I clenched my hand, digging my nails into my palms in an attempt to stay awake. So, kid. Whats your answer? I want to be a treasure hunter, I said immediately. I did. In real life and in the fantasy. He made it sound so fascinating. I knew it would be dangerous to run off with a guy so much older than me and I never would have done it in real life but, in my fantasy, I was safe. He wouldnt touch me. Plus, he had sounded genuine when hed said he wouldnt. I had nothing to lose. Okay, kid. But it wont be like the video games. Its a lot of work and you have to train. Mentally and physically. Well swing by a friends office in the morning and get it all squared up and get you registered for homeschooling. I meant what I said; Im not a good teacher but Ill try my best. Im going to need you to meet me halfway though, he said, shooting me a look out of the corner of his eye. I nodded eagerly. Okay. Do you need anything from your foster house? We can go back, he offered. I shook my head. Okay, well switch out the car and then head to London, he said. Find Betty and go from there. Whos Betty? I asked. Sleep was pulling at my mind and sapping the colour from my fantasy. Shes an old friend, he said with a slight smile. Wait, I realised I dont know your name. Grace, I said softly. Well, its lovely to meet you, Grace. Im Mitch. 4. It never hurts to bribe a lawyer. Okay, turn to page forty-seven. Well be picking up from where we stopped last time, my English teacher, Mrs Govern, said in her usual nasal tone. I watched her blankly, my interest in the book being sapped out of me the longer I sat in the classroom. She was wearing her usual thin scarf, striped jumper, and long skirt. Her short hair stuck out at every angle, as always, giving her a vaguely electrocuted look. Im going to need some characters. Who would like to read today? she asked, looking around the room with an overtly enthusiastic grin that bordered on manic. I stared down at my open book intently. I did not want to be chosen. Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed reading, of course I did, but there were few things I disliked more than reading in front of the class. I always tripped over my words and hated every moment. Every time, I could feel Sophias eyes burning into my red face, and I knew that she was smirking, waiting for me to struggle so that she could laugh. She always did. She was the ringleader who made the others laugh too. I think it was at least slightly out of fear. If people laughed along and pretended to like her, she wouldnt turn on them too. Emily, Id like you to play Viola, Mrs Govern started. Yes! Emily hissed under her breath but loud enough for everyone to hear. Mrs Govern just smiled at her indulgently before looking around for another person to choose. Alex, you can read the Duke and well choose the others as and when they come up. Okay, Emily, start at the top of the page. Relief washed through me, only slightly tinged with annoyance, as Emily cleared her throat and started reading in an overdramatic and loud voice. Her voice felt like it echoed around the room, easily reaching everyone in the classroom. She didnt need to be talking so loudly, there were only about thirty of us in the room so it wasnt a particularly large room. We were seated in rows and, as usual, she was right at the front. Even so, she felt the need to almost shout. I scanned the pages, blocking out Emilys voice as much as I could. I didnt hate the book, it was fine, I just didnt like how we were reading it in school. Mrs Govern always made us read through as a class and told us off if we had the audacity to read ahead. Apparently, that would ruin our enjoyment which always made me smirk a little. As if hearing Emily try to put on a masculine voice and read Cesarios lines added anything to the reading experience. Id already finished the book. Id managed to do it over the first couple of classes and now I had weeks stretching ahead of me where Id just be expected to sit silently and read painfully slowly through the book with others acting out the lines. It happened every time we started a new book in class. Id enjoy it for the first lesson, finish it in the next few and then slowly start to hate it as I was trapped slowly reading through it and being asked every couple of lines to examine it deeper and try to consider the inspirations behind everything or why something was written in a certain way. There was always some deep and convoluted reason that Mrs Govern came up with and it was always more than because they wanted to. I doubted she ever got it actually right. I knew that she studied English at university, shed bragged about that enough times, but still, it seemed unlikely. Some of her theories were so farfetched. Why couldnt a line be written in a certain way just because the author wanted it to be read that way? Or was every single word carefully thought out and considered? No, that seemed ridiculous. Surely, that would take too long. My eyes widened slightly and a smile came to my face as I realised something. Without conscious thought, I slipped back into my daydream with a wave of dizziness. Kid, Mitchs soft voice said. Kid! Wake up, were here. I cracked my eyes open, blinking rapidly against the dazzling brightness. Where are we? I asked before fear shot through me and I opened my eyes in real life. I dont think Id even had them closed but I stared around the classroom carefully, fearful that Id spoken out loud and was about to be mocked. But no one was looking at me. Everyone was either staring into space or staring blankly at their books. Relief so strong it made me lightheaded washed through me and I blinked back into the other world. The sun blazed down, reflecting off the other cars around us and threatening to blind me. There werent even any clouds to protect my eyes, just an endless bright blue sky. Car park in London. The only open-top one I could find near here, he said gruffly. I stared around the cars surrounding me, shining brightly in the morning sun. Why? I asked. If things get bad, I can call a buddy with a helicopter to come get us. Its not exactly legal but we can find a way around it. My head spun and I was at a loss for what to say. I wanted to ask a million questions, like why would things get bad and were those people still following us. Also, who was his buddy and why did he never refer to any of them by name? Or even how would they find a way around the law, surely that was pretty set in stone? But then my eyes fell on the dashboard of the car we were in. It was different to the night before. That one hadnt had the silver accent that this one had. Is this a different car? I asked before I could stop myself. Yeah, do you not remember switching it last night? he asked, shooting me a look. No, not at all, I answered honestly. He snorted. Im not surprised. I doubt your eyes even opened once, I was a little worried you were dead. I felt myself laugh softly. What now? I asked. Now, we get breakfast. You hungry? It didnt matter, I couldnt taste anything in my fantasies. Sure, I lied. Great. Theres a cafe on the ground floor of this multi-storey. Will you go down and pick me up an espresso, the largest one they do, and some kind of breakfast sandwich and get something for you too? he asked with a cheeky grin. Hey! Why cant you do it? I complained but it was hard to keep the smile off my face. I didnt really mind though. More people are looking for me, I gotta lay low, but they probably wont be looking for you. One sec, Ill grab a couple phones out the back. He disappeared out the door before I could say anything else and my eyes scanned the car park as he made his way around to the back of the car and rooted around in the boot. He returned before long, holding out an iPhone to me. You know how to pay using this? he asked. I nodded. Id used Apple Pay before. Great. The password is four zeros, you got it? he said, his expression intense. I nodded again. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Now, dont think about running away and using my card. Theres a limit to how much can be spent on there and its a burner account. Get down there and come up quickly. If you think its going to take more than ten minutes, text me. Otherwise, Ill assume youre working with the others and Ill leave you here then wipe that phone, got it? Yep, I said, my mouth dry. Great. My number is saved under the name one. If something feels wrong or you get held up, text me just the letter Q and Ill come help, okay? I nodded again, fear washing through me. I hoped nothing happened. I was in class still and I could vaguely hear the droning voices of Emily and Alex so I didnt want anything too exciting or cool to happen. I knew that I needed to stay at least a little bit aware of what was happening in the real world which would be hard if a fight or something happened in the fantasy. My face started to flush with embarrassment as I imagined what would happen if the bell rang and we were dismissed but I was too distracted by being chased again or something. Well, what are you waiting for? We only have twenty minutes before Bettys office opens, go! I threw the door open and rushed out, painfully aware of the time limit hed set for me. As I rushed across the car park, trying hard not to look suspicious whilst also moving quickly and checking that I wasnt being followed, I checked the time. It was a little after seven in the morning, her office must open at seven-thirty. Id need to be quick. I yanked the heavy door open to the staircase and raced down the steps, the phone slippery in my sweaty hand. My footsteps echoed loudly in the staircase and my heart raced with a combination of anxiety and exertion. After what felt like far too long, I burst out into the bright sunlight, blinking and squinting so that I could just about see. My gaze quickly fell on the cafe that Mitch had mentioned and I joined the busy foot traffic towards it. It was attached to the multi-storey but I couldnt see any way to get into it from the inside of the car park so I settled for entering from the street. The glass front allowed me to quickly survey the people sitting inside as I approached but it did little to reduce my anxiety. I didnt recognise anyone sitting at any of the wooden tables but that didnt make me feel better. The soft and welcoming aroma of coffee washed over me as I pulled the door open, making my mouth water. I continued to watch everyone as carefully as I could as I walked towards the refrigerated units before my eyes fell on the rows of sandwiches and rolls. I quickly found the heated display of warm food where the breakfast sandwiches were but from there, I was stumped. There were too many options. I turned the phone in my hand as I examined them carefully and debated texting Mitch. Sausage, bacon, both or vegetarian? I pondered as I unlocked the phone and pulled up the messaging app before stopping myself. I couldnt go running to him with every single little question I had. That would get so annoying so quickly. I needed to show him that I could be decisive. Before I could change my mind, I reached out and grabbed the breakfast sandwich with bacon, sausage and egg but then I froze. What if he doesnt like eggs? I thought, worry shooting through me. Some people didnt. Hell, I didnt and I didnt want to get him a sandwich he didnt like. The phone buzzed in my hand, startling me, and I stared down at the words that had appeared. Im hungry, get two. I quickly typed out okay and sent it back to him before grabbing a sausage sandwich as well and one of the vegetarian sandwiches. That way, all bases were covered. Id offer him all of them and then, if he didnt want it, Id eat the vegetarian one. Almost content with my decision and the breakfast sandwiches just about clenched in my hands, I scanned the cafe again and joined the queue. My heart raced as I watched the time slowly tick down and the queue crawled forwards at a painfully slow rate. It took far too long before I reached the counter and clumsily dropped the sandwiches onto it. One breakfast sandwich, one vegetarian breakfast sandwich and a sausage sandwich. Can I get anything else for you? the blue-haired woman behind the counter asked in a falsely bright tone. Um, an Espresso, please. The largest you do, I added hastily. Sure, she said, typing on the screen. Anything else? I stared up at the menu above her. I didnt drink coffee in the real world, it was too bitter, but I liked the smell. I could have one in my fantasy world, there was nothing stopping me. Can I get a latte, please? I said, ordering my dads go-to. With caramel syrup? Sure, anything else? Thats it, thanks. Great, she said flatly. How are you paying? A trill of anxiety burst through me as I lifted the phone. What if it didnt work? Id look like such an idiot. Do you accept this? I asked with what I hoped was a lighthearted smile. Sure, just tap it on there when youre ready. The woman gestured towards the card reader and I double tapped the button on the phone to activate the payment system, quickly typing in the code when prompted to do so. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as I waited for it to be accepted, almost pulling the phone away to check that it was working and I was using the right card before the phone buzzed slightly, sending a wave of relief through me. Great, thats all gone through. If you wait down there by that counter, someone will put your drinks there once theyve been made. Do you want a bag for those by the way? Oh, yes, please, I said, sending her a relieved smile. She returned it halfheartedly as she bagged my sandwiches and pushed it towards me. I took the bag and walked towards the counter shed pointed at, watching the others in the cafe. No one was wearing the telltale all-black uniform as those who had followed us the night before but that didnt mean I was safe. They could be dressed in normal clothes. There was someone sitting at one of the tables who was watching me. He was dressed in a crisp dark suit and his blonde hair was pushed back away from his face. It looked like hed just swept it back but I knew it probably took him ages to get it to just the right level of dishevelled. His lips broke into a wide, smarmy smile as he noticed my eyes on him and he slowly pushed away from his table. My heart started to speed up as he made his way over to me, blatantly checking me out. Hey, he said in a surprisingly deep tone, sending me another smile that showed his bright white teeth. Hi, I said with a tight smile before looking away. Come here often? he asked, ignoring my obvious disinterest. Nope, first time. Ah, a virgin? Well, Im glad I could share this experience with you. He smiled again, clearly thinking that he was being clever but my stomach turned. I glanced at the people who were making my coffee, smiling as one to-go cup was put on the counter. Caramel latte? they asked. Thanks, I said quickly, glancing at the other baristas and trying to work out who was making the espresso. I really needed them to hurry up so I could get away from the creep who was still eyeing me up. So, are you sticking around for a while or have you got plans? he tried again. I have plans. Anything interesting? My mind raced as I tried to think of something to say that would get rid of him. In real life, I would have just had a conversation with him and then left as soon as possible but I didnt need to here. I could mess with him with no worries of repercussions. Meeting my lawyer actually, I said in a brighter tone and was rewarded with a look of concern that briefly flitted over his face. Oh? he asked, sounding a little uncertain for the first time. Yeah, its nothing major, just a light assault case. She reckons she should be able to get the charges dropped pretty easily, I said with a grin, holding up my fingers which Id crossed for luck. Espresso? one of the baristas asked, holding up a cup. Oh, thats mine too! Thanks! I said, juggling the things I was holding around so that the bag was looped on my wrists and the phone was clutched between my fingers around the cup. Well, actually, its my lawyer''s. You know what theyre like, it never hurts to bribe them a little. It was nice talking to you. I breezed away from him without looking back and shouldered the door open before I let myself glance behind me to make sure he hadnt followed. He hadnt. Hed slowly lowered himself back into his seat, a slightly bewildered look on his face. I let myself smile, enjoying the fact that Id actually managed to get him to leave me alone, and crossed the street towards the urine scented staircase. I raced up the stairs as quickly as I could with the two hot cups of coffee threatening to overflow at any moment, despite their lids. Pushing the door open at the top of the stairs, I realised that I had no idea how long had passed since I left Mitch. Fear blossomed in my stomach again as I scanned the cars quickly, looking for the silver car hed been in. Breathing out a sigh, I spotted it and raced towards it. Mitch looked almost relieved to see me but he quickly hid it behind grouchiness. You took your time, didnt you? he grumbled once Id managed to get back into the car. I ran all the way there and back! I insisted, holding out the coffee to him. Did you now? Well, maybe you arent as fast as I thought. Well work on that. What sandwiches did you get? I ignored the dig and put my coffee into the cupholder before pulling the bag off my wrist. Take whichever ones you want, I said, holding the bag out to him. He peered into the bag suspiciously, examining the content. Did you get the veggie one for me or you? he asked. No but you can have it if you want. He narrowed his eyes at me. Im good with these two, he said after a pause, pulling out the other two sandwiches and handing the bag back to me. Good, I replied with a smile as I pushed the bag onto the floor and grabbed my sandwich. So, he said after taking a few bites of the first sandwich. Youre a vegetarian. It wasnt a question and it didnt need an answer but still, I gave one. Yeah. How longs that been going on? His tone wasnt judgemental, just curious. A few years, I replied. Bet the foster homes hate that, he said with a good-hearted smile. Im not going to stop eating meat around you. I wouldnt expect you to, I said with a shrug, taking another bite of the sandwich. I still couldnt taste anything but I could smell it and it smelt good. It almost made me want to hunt down the cafe in real life. It wouldnt be hard, there were hundreds of them across the country. But I will make sure theres always food you can eat wherever we go. That sent warmth through me. Even though I knew he was a figment of my imagination, it made me happy that someone thought of that for me. Maybe I just wanted to be cared for like that and I knew I wouldnt get it from my mom. A jarring bell broke through my consciousness and I looked around the car in fear before realising it was happening in real life. I blinked back into reality and let my eyes focus on Mrs Govern at the front of the classroom. My hand moved mechanically as I wrote down the homework assignment, barely even paying attention to it as my brain begged to slip back into the fantasy. 2.1 It was beautiful. Blood dripped down my fingers and I couldnt stop crying. I was alone in the forest, walking blindly, the only sound was my footsteps and the faint rustling of the leaves. My chest hurt and it wasnt just from pushing myself too far whilst running. No, my heart hurt. I was so sad, so disappointed in myself and I knew that, in Mitchs world, I was crying alone in an airplane bathroom. They could probably hear me through the door. They could probably hear my pathetic sobs as I fought to breathe. Mitch had lied and I knew it. I hadnt done well, Id hesitated and messed up. Hed been shot because of me and then wed had to swim through that disgusting rancid water so it had probably gotten infected. He could die. I couldnt do it. I couldnt go back there and wait anxiously to find out if he died or not, constantly watching him for any sign of infection or illness. I couldnt watch him die. I couldnt go back. Another sob burst out of my mouth as I realised that, the thought bouncing around in my head. I couldnt return to the one place where I had people who actually cared about me and wanted me there. If I didnt go back, he would just stay there, stuck in time forever, right? Hed be frozen and Id never have to find out if I caused his death. It didnt work like that and I knew it. I knew it wasnt just some ridiculous fantasy that Id started because I was bored and needed to find somewhere where I didnt feel entirely alone all of the time. It felt real. Maybe it was real. Irrational irritation washed through me. It wasnt real, it couldnt be. If it was then that meant I was, what? Visiting other worlds in my mind? No. Thats ridiculous and it couldnt happen. I lived in reality. People couldnt just visit other worlds, other worlds didnt exist. It didnt matter how real they felt or if the stuff Id learnt about was somehow correct, it couldnt be real. I stopped walking and sat down heavily again. Was this what it felt like to go mad? I was mourning a man who wasnt even real and he wasnt even dead. I was crying about a life that I didnt really lead. I was almost convinced that it was real, that everything Id done with Mitch, that everything Id experienced in the other worlds and Anna were real. It couldnt be. That was something ridiculous, something out of a story. It wasnt real. I wasnt special. I was just some sad stupid girl who was so lonely and miserable that she invented this whole thing to avoid having to deal with reality. I made this entire fantasy so that I wouldnt have to put up with my mom and my grandparents and so that I could feel loved. It was ridiculous. Pathetic really. A broken, bitter laugh forced its way out of my mouth. I couldnt believe that I was crying in the woods over something so minor, something entirely made up. I truly was pathetic. But that self-hatred didnt help. It didnt make my heart hurt less or my tears stop. It took a long time before they finally dried and I was able to stand. Wiping my face with the back of my hands, I blinked and stared at my hands. They looked a mess. They looked even worse than they had in my daydream, which hurt more even thinking about it. Bits of dirt were still stuck to them and blood had been flowing freely down my fingers from my wounded palms. They looked horrifying, like something out of a horror movie. I couldnt go back to the house looking like that. I could just imagine how my grandmother and mom would react. How much they would judge me. Theyve both told me on numerous occasions before that a lady is graceful, she doesnt bump into things or fall over. Running through the woods with blood dripping down my hands was not ladylike and I knew it. Plus, I didnt want them to know Id been crying. I wouldnt be able to explain it and I knew that, if I tried, Id be mocked. Crying over a fantasy? It was pathetic, I was aware of that and I didnt need to hear someone say it to me. I wiped my nose again and sniffed loudly, my mind already trying to formulate a plan. I needed to stop crying, to give my face a chance to stop being so swollen so that my mom wouldnt be able to tell. I needed to clean up my hands and find a way to hide them until they were healed or at least until my grandparents got bored of us. My mom wouldnt care about them anyway near as much once they were going. Shed barely even tell me off for it. But how could I do any of that? I forced myself to take a slow, deep breath, feeling it catch slightly in my throat. It didnt help but I continued, feeling myself become a little more and more under control, the longer I tried. Eventually, the tears stopped. My face still felt hot and puffy but at least Id stopped crying. It was a start. Maybe not enough of one but still a start. Next, I had to get off the ground. I couldnt stay there. Slowly, I stood. My legs cried out in pain as I did and I realised that I wasnt even sure how long Id been running. I wasnt sure where I was. I was on the path in the woods but it all looked the same. I could have been running for hours. That thought terrified me. What if I had and I was lost? Would I be able to find my way back? Anxiety built in me as I reached for my phone in my pocket, trying not to smear blood everywhere but I had to know where I was. I pulled it out, clicking on the maps icon and leaving a faint red smudge on my screen. It took so long. I barely had any signal and it took ages for the GPS to be able to find me. A sigh slipped out of my lips. I was far away from the house but not as far as I feared. Id run in a loop without even realising so I was already on my way back to the house. It would only be another twenty minutes or so before I got back. Longer if I walked slowly which I probably would. I stared in the direction of the house, unable to see it through the trees, and started walking. I needed to find a way to wash my hands before I got there. But, how? There obviously was no tap in the woods that I could use. There was a tap near the front gate that the gardener used to water the flowerbeds there. I could use that if I snuck around to the front of the house. If I went on to the far side, away from the windows, I could probably get by unseen. Unless they chose that exact moment to look out the window of the TV room and happened to see me. Id need to be really careful. If they did see me sneaking, that would be worse. Theyd immediately assume that I was up to no good which I kind of was. But they think it was worse than a little blood on my hands. I glanced down at my hands. Well, maybe not a little. It was drying pretty quickly at least but that made it feel worse. The blood was tightening on my skin and occasionally flaking away, leaving red-stained skin below. I suppressed a shudder. It looked gory and made me a little queasy. More than a little. I just held my hands out slightly so that they wouldnt touch me at all and avoided looking at them which meant I had to stare blankly around the forest as I walked. That wasnt really a problem, the forest was beautiful. I loved being in there. It was quiet but not silent which meant that my brain didnt start endlessly spiralling the way it normally did in silence. The gentle rustle of the trees ebbed and flowed with the wind, almost like waves on a beach. Light illuminated the leaves making them vibrant, almost too bright. It made them look a little fake, as if someone had painstakingly painted each leave to make it look perfect. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. It was perfect. Even the ivy that wrapped around the tree trunks looked perfect. Paranoia flared in me but I pushed it aside. I had no reason to feel paranoid, it was just a forest. It was nature and nature was beautiful. It was probably just so perfect because my grandparents left it alone to thrive or maybe the local national trust kept an eye on it. Whatever it was, it wasnt fake. It felt it though. It almost felt like someone had designed the woods to make them look perfect. It was like a set from a movie. Everything in the forest, from the sound to the way the light dappled the path, was too good. Too exactly what someone would expect from a forest. I stopped walking and looked around. I wasnt really sure what I was looking for but I had a faint prickling sensation at the back of my neck, like I was being watched. It was probably just an animal or something but it felt like someone was there. I couldnt see them though. The trees fell silent as I looked around the forest. There wasnt even the quiet sound of animals. It was just silent. A shudder ripped through me, almost making me dizzy for a split second, and I forced myself to start walking again, the wind starting up again. I was being ridiculous. Stupid. There was no one watching me, it wasnt a set or fake. I was just alone in the forest. It was fine. I always went for a run in the woods when I was at my grandparents. I did start walking faster though and it wasnt long before I neared the edge of the woods. I hesitated, staying in the shadow of the forest and surveying the house. The windows were all closed and I couldnt see into the TV room from where I was. I had two options. Creep along the edge, darting from tree to tree, or walk confidently, like I was just strolling casually. I honestly wasnt sure which was the better option. If I crept, they might still see me but there was less of a chance. If I walked across the grass, out of the safety of the trees, Id look way less suspicious but then they might see my hands. I nodded to myself, making my decision. I would creep through the trees. Leaving the track, I started stepping carefully through the brambles and weeds that lined the edge of the forest. They parted easily, the hint of a path showing as I walked. Someone else had done the walk before. At some point, someone else had snuck around the side of the house and to the front gate. The thought brought a hint of a smile to my face. I liked to think it was my mom. I dont know why but that made me happier. It made me feel more like her. Kind of like if she saw what I was doing, shed understand it? Maybe it would make her like me more. Shed see that we were almost similar. That made me feel conflicted. I wanted her to like me, I wanted her to love me, but I didnt want to be like her. I wanted to be I dont know. I wanted to be different. I reached the far wall and stopped, looking out towards the house again. From there, Id have way less cover. There were trees sporadically dotted along the edge of their land, not enough to completely hide me but enough for me to use. Movement caught my eye and I slipped further back into the woods, a stinging nettle reaching through my leggings and causing me to flinch. My mom was outside. She was sitting on the front step, smoking a cigarette. I wasnt sure if she was waiting for me or hiding from her parents but either way, I knew I couldnt go that way, not until she went inside at least. I watched her for a minute, waiting to see if she was going to go inside again but she didnt move. She was on her phone, hunched over and barely paying attention to the world. She looked strangely young. Looking at her, I could almost see how she was as a kid, hiding outside until she gathered the strength to return to her parents. I could probably slip past her without her seeing. She might not even look up but I didnt want to risk it. I needed to find another way to get to the front of the house. My eyes found the wall again. I could climb over it. Id climbed walls in my fantasy, it couldnt be that hard. Id managed to get into the pub to meet Mitch so I could probably manage it, even if that wasnt real. I could do it. The wall wasnt that high. I retreated back into the forest even further, stepping carefully over the stinging nettles, wincing as even more brushed against my legs and stopped, my hand resting against the wall as I contemplated my plan. I could climb the wall and walk through the field on the other side to the wall that the front. That wall was only short and I was pretty sure there was a gate somewhere there. Then, I could climb the fence at the front of the house, try not to catch the back of my legs on it again, and wash my hands in the tap. Then, I just walk up the path on the other side of the house and hope my grandparents arent in the kitchen. It wasnt the best plan, too much rested on chance, but it would do. I looked up at the wall, one hand finding a stone that jutted out before pausing again as a realisation hit me. There was a camera at the front gate. There was no way Id be able to walk past it without the camera spotting me. Id have to go to the other side of the house, the camera didnt point in that direction. There was a wall there and another field on the other side but that one generally had animals in it. I was pretty sure it was just sheep though. That would be fine, sheep werent a problem. I stepped away from the wall, climbing back over the plants to the barely used path and starting towards the other side of the forest. I tried to move as quietly as possible so that my mom wouldnt hear me, but it was hard. There were twigs everywhere. Every few steps, Id break one and fall silent, my heart pounding. Somehow, I managed to make it to the other side without my mom even looking up. Or, at least, I was pretty sure I managed to because for half the walk, she was blocked from view by the house but she didnt come and investigate so I was pretty sure she hadnt seen me. The wall on the other side was more weathered. The rocks were a little rougher but that was good. It meant that Id have more grip. I glanced back at the house one more time before grabbing hold of the wall and starting to climb. I didnt need to climb far before reaching the top but it was long enough that it wiped most of the blood from my hands and caused some of the cuts to reopen, leaving red marks on the stone. It didnt really matter though. I didnt think my grandparents ever went out into the woods and had no reason to look at the wall so they wouldnt suspect anything. Even if they did, I was pretty sure theyd assume that the blood just came from an animal that had flown into it or something. I hauled myself onto the top of the wall with surprising ease. My hands stung and my legs were tired and shaking but they hadnt even bothered me. I didnt want to linger on the wall for too long, it made me feel exposed, but the view stopped me. The field stretched out in front of me, dotted with sheep, but beyond that, a green-covered hill stretched up towards the brilliantly blue sky. It was beautiful. But I needed to hurry up. I quickly checked the ground below me for sheep poo before jumping off the wall and landing heavily. A nearby sheep bleated in surprise as I stumbled but I shushed it. It examined me for a moment before seeming to give up and walking away. Relief washed through me. I was safe in the field, I knew that my grandparents wouldnt be able to see me and neither would my mom. I could walk without worry, even if it was only until I reached the gate. It was a good couple of minutes though, despite the strong smell of manure, but as I neared the fence at the front of the field, I could feel myself becoming more and more tense. I was worried that my grandparents would drive past just as I reached the gate and then Id have even more questions to answer. Their car had been outside the house when Id been sneaking through the forest but what if theyd chosen to go out for lunch? I didnt see them though. Even as I crossed the cattle grid and climbed the fence, no cars passed the house. I was glad. I felt like if someone had seen me scanning the fence at the front of my grandparents house, they would have called the police or at least asked me what I was doing and I truly wasnt sure how I would answer that. I decided on climbing the sharp topped fence as far to the right as possible. That made sense to me. It was mostly hidden from view by a huge tree and it was far enough away from that gate that I didnt need to worry about them catching it on camera. I glanced down the road again, checking both ways, before starting to climb the fence. It was much harder than the wall, taller too, and it wasnt until I was clinging to the metal halfway up it that I realised I could have just climbed the wall in the field Id walked through and dropped down on that side which would have been so much easier. My head fell forwards against the cold metal and I bit back a groan of annoyance before continuing to pull myself up. It wasnt too hard, much easier than the last time Id done it. I perched on the top of the wall, leaves hitting me in the face as I balanced carefully between the spikes,and tried to work out how to get down carefully. It wasnt particularly high, just a bit taller than the wall, but I was scared of just jumping down. It was a stupid fear, irrational, but I was worried that Id catch my legging or my arm or something on the spike and it would rip through my clothing and then Id need to explain that as well as my bloody hands to someone. Also, I couldnt see the ground through the leaves and I was too scared that Id land on something bad and hurt myself even more. My eyes found the wall just to my right again. I could probably edge along the top of the gate, stepping in between the spikes, and then climb onto the wall then lower myself from there. Yes, that was a better plan. Staying crouched, I started creeping along the top of the gate, clinging to the metal and hoping that I wouldnt fall or that a car wouldnt come. It was a quiet road, Id probably be fine. It took so long. I moved so slowly, so carefully to make sure that I didnt fall, but I managed to get to the end. Stretching out one foot, I managed to reach the wall before having to awkwardly climb down, my hands still clinging to the fence. I could hear a car. The faint but steadily growing crunch of a car driving along the road outside the gate sent fear rushing through me. I glanced down, trying to see through the leaves but still not being able to see the ground. I could jump. I could have just jumped and hoped for the best but I knew that was a stupid plan. The best I could do was duck down as low as possible and pray that no one in the car looked up. I held my breath as they passed, as if that would help, but thankfully, they didnt stop. I was unnoticed. Breathing out a sigh of relief, I started to climb down the wall. 2.2 Whats she done now? They didnt notice. Not a single person noticed my hands. I felt bad for being annoyed that they hadnt and I knew that was stupid but I still did. I didnt think I wanted them to and before, I wouldnt have, but I just wanted someone to care. It was better that way though. At least I wouldnt get told off or mocked. I carefully cut a piece of lettuce in half and speared it with my fork so that I could eat it delicately. The salad was good but I was starting to get bored of it already. I wanted to be able to order a veggie burger or the roast vegetable pasta that they did at the hotel but I didnt have it in me to argue. I was still exhausted. Emotionally drained. I couldnt bring myself to really care that much about anything. Even the annoyance about them not noticing my hands was fleeting and then I just gave up. I didnt want to care. It made me feel bad because I knew that I had people somewhere else that did care but I couldnt go back there and it was all my fault. Did you spend all day inside? my grandmother asked my mom sharply. No, I went for a walk, my mother lied. I knew that she hadnt, shed just sat outside and hid from them. My grandmother snorted. Not enough of one. No wonder you look so pale. It doesnt suit you. I stared down at my salad, paying too much attention to it. Dizziness started to play at the edge of my mind, tempting me to escape the painful meal and go somewhere else where I felt relaxed and happy. I couldnt though. I wanted to escape but I couldnt. I didnt want to go back to Mitch and watch him slowly succumb to the black veins that were creeping outwards from his wound and stretching across his body. I knew it wasnt real but I couldnt stop picturing him slowly dying, his face growing more and more pale and gaunt as the infection slowly killed him. Maybe Id be there when he died. No, I would be. I couldnt stop imagining it. He was lying in a hospital bed, his skin almost the same colour as the white sheets that were tucked high over his chest but he was still shivering. No. It wasnt real. I knew that, it was just my imagination. I tried pushing it away but that made the dizziness worse though. I wanted to go back to that world, just to check and make sure that he was alive and okay but I couldnt. I pushed the sensation away again, trying desperately to ignore it but it came back harder. Nauseous started to build in my stomach and my head span, making me feel like I was going to do something embarrassing like throw up or fall out of my chair. I refused to give in though. I didnt want to go back there. I pushed it away as strongly as I could, the mental effort making tiny beads of sweat burst on my forehead and upper lip. I clutched my cutlery as tightly as I could, trying to seize control of myself. The edge of the fork was cutting into my hand, hurting my already injured palms, but it helped. Somehow that pain helped me feel more in control. My eyes darted around the room before focusing on my salad again. I wished that I could go to the bathroom rather than stay at the table but I knew that, if I stood up, Id fall over. I must have looked ridiculous though but luckily, no one was even looking at me. I let out a slow, tight breath, feeling the dizziness retreat slightly. Thats when I noticed another sensation. There was something else waiting behind the dizziness. It was similar but not quite the same. Still dizzying and disorientating but it felt ever so slightly different. It was another fantasy, another world. I wasnt sure how I knew but I did. Maybe I shouldnt have but I grabbed it immediately, tumbling into the new dizziness. It wasnt until the vertigo was consuming me that I realised how reckless it was. That girl from my fantasy on the way to Scotland, Anna, shed warned me to be careful, to stick to worlds that I knew but Id just jumped into a new place without even hesitating. Id been so desperate to escape that I didn''t even think a stop to consider that I might be going somewhere dangerous. I slowly opened my eyes, trying to work out where I was. It was familiar. I immediately knew that I was back home. My room looks exactly the same as it did in reality, which wasnt really a surprise. I knew it was silly but I missed it. I missed the solitude of being at home. I was lonely there, of course, but at least when I was there, Im actually alone. Somehow being surrounded by people made it feels much worse. I always forgot how bad things were in Scotland before my grandparents left. I couldn''t wait for them to go, even though we hadn''t been with them for very long. Once they were gone, my mom and I would revert to how things always were there. Wed both exist in the same space but barely interacting. It was different to being back home though, we would still interact sometimes but that wasn''t too bad. It was more of a choice than when we were at home. We spend time together during meals or when we wanted to but not very often. I couldn''t wait for that. But until then, being at home in a fantasy was enough. I sighed, looking around my room and relishing the silence. I could barely even hear the noise of the other people in the restaurant. There was nothing except I could hear the helm of an engine, moving slowly closer. I sat up, ignoring the slight dizziness that came with it, and slipped out of my room towards the window at the end of the hall. I peered down at my drive, spotting the bus that pulled onto it before ducking. I wasn''t sure why but I didn''t want the people on the bus to see me. I waited for a moment before stretching upwards again, making sure to stay as out of sight as possible, and looking down at them. The bus had stopped and I ducked down again as the doors opened. Id only gotten a glimpse of the bus but that was enough to send my heart rate racing. It was huge and unmarked, as far as I could see. All of the windows apart from the one at the front were heavily shaded, meaning that I had only managed to see the driver. I couldnt move from where I was huddled on the floor, my ears straining to pick up any noise. For a moment, there was nothing but then the crunch of footsteps on gravel sounded. Someone, two people, had disembarked the bus and were walking towards my front door. I needed to look again, even though fear gripped my heart with an icy fist, I needed to see who they were. I slowly rose again, my eyes finding the people. There were a man and a woman, both smartly dressed in dark tailored suits. One of them, the woman, had a briefcase clutched in one hand an easy smile on her face. She said something to the man before looking directly up at me. Her smile widened and I couldnt move. I was frozen. I couldnt do anything, not even breathe, and I expected her to do something, to bring out a gun or some kind of weapon, but her lips simply moved as she said something to the man again. His gaze found me as well and he shook his head. Finally, they both looked away and I could move. I threw myself away from the window, rushing towards my room and slamming the door shut behind me. I knew that my mom was downstairs and that she would probably get annoyed at me for making noise but I didn''t even care. I couldn''t do anything but press myself against the door, my heart racing. Who were those people? They looked too well dressed to be police officers or social workers but why had they brought a bus? That felt weird. How many people were on there? What if there was a whole group of heavily armed soldiers, waiting to attack? I looked around my room frantically, not sure quite what I was looking for, but the doorbell rang and I froze once more. I had no weapon, nothing I could even use as one, and nowhere to run. I wasn''t even sure why I wanted to run but I was terrified. Duncan hovered at the back of my mind. His house wasn''t far from mine and I knew that he would take me in and probably hide me. His parents weren''t there at the moment. It was just him in the house. He would hide me there until it was safe. But if the people on the bus wanted me, they would stop at nothing to find me. Duncan wouldn''t be safe. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. A thought came to me out of nowhere. What if they were the people who had Anna? What if I was somehow back in that world and they had found me? I had to run. Unsteady footsteps came from downstairs and I pulled my door open again. If it was them, if it was those people, my mom or whoever was going to the door would be at risk. I didnt want her to get hurt. I edged out into the corridor, trying to be as quiet as possible as I moved to the top of my stairs, listening as hard as I could. The lock clunked loudly and I heard the door swing open. Can I help you? my mom asked in a confused tone. Of course! Are you Graces mom? Mrs Baker? a pleasant, warm voice asked. I could tell that the woman was smiling but her tone sounded too professional, too rehearsed. Panic rose in me. I needed to escape. I needed to run but I couldnt just leave the fantasy. If I did, would I be leaving my mom in the hands of those people? She wasnt even my mom, not really, but I still didnt want to do it. Part of me wanted to find the world with Anna in, if it wasnt this one, even though I knew it was stupid. But if those people were at my door, they wouldnt be with her so I could go and ask her what to do, how to escape. Dizziness started to wash over me before I realised just how stupid that was. I couldnt go back to Anna. Even if some of the people werent with her, that didnt mean that no one was. Yes, Im her mother. Who are you? my mother replied sharply, her tone much less polite sounding than the womans. There was a slight slur to her words too. She was drunk. That made my heart sink. Id hoped that I was in a better world. One where my mom didnt drink and hopefully didnt hate me quite so openly, but now I knew it was probably just the same as the other one. She wouldnt help me fight against them or run away. Shed probably just watch me be taken. Im Ms Brice. I was wondering if I could come in and talk to you about your daughter, Grace? I swallowed anxiously, wishing that I could edge down the stairs and I wasn''t sure. I wanted to run away but a crushing anxiety hit me. If I ran, what are they doing to my family? Whats she done now? Is she in trouble? my mom demanded, her voice getting louder. No, no, not at all! the woman said, her tone soothing. Its a good thing actually. Can we come in to discuss it? There was a pause before my mom sighed loudly. I guess. Come in. I listened carefully, holding my breath to make sure I didn''t make any noise, as the sound of shuffling feet came from beneath me. I waited until they passed into the lounge before carefully stepping onto the first step. I climbed slowly down the stairs, trying my best not to make any noise and skipping the step that always creaked, before hesitating in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs. I wasn''t sure where to go. The house was laid out pretty much the same way as my house in real life which meant that I was completely exposed as I stood, contemplating my next move. Stephen, this is Mrs Brice, I heard my mom say to my dad. Ms Brice, the woman corrected politely. And this is Mr Parner. Its nice to meet you both, my dad said. I glanced at the open door to the lounge before darting into the kitchen. That felt safer. If someone were to come in, I could pretend that I was just grabbing a drink and a snack or something. Plus, if things went badly, I could just run out the back door and I would be safe. Well, not safe but maybe I could get to safety. Theyre here to talk about Grace, my mom said. Shes done something. She hasnt, Ms Brice said quickly. Were from the Department of Education and were here because weve been following her progress for some time. Why? my mom demanded. I heard the clink of a bottle against glass as she poured herself another drink. Shes an incredibly intelligent young person. Shes exceeded all of the tests our service has provided and were thrilled with her results! Ms Brice announced happily. My eyebrows drew together. I wouldn''t exactly call myself intelligent. I did alright in school but never particularly well. Even in subjects that I was good at, I still didnt do great. But her words sparked something in me. Almost a memory but more distant flashed through my mind. I did remember something. Tests. They were weird though, not the usual ones that I was used to. We had general knowledge tests, formal ones in the exam hall, intelligence testing, and a weird one where we could watch a video and write down every single risk we had seen. Some people hadn''t taken it seriously but I had. It had been strangely interesting and there were so many things that I noticed. A car driving too close to the pavement, the driver staring at the crowd out of the window rather than looking at the road. There was some suspicious exchange or handover happening in the bottom corner as well, I remembered that. I wasn''t sure why we were doing it but I had kind of enjoyed it. Gracie did well? my dad asked, his tone so hopeful. Very well! So well in fact that wed like to offer her a scholarship, the woman said. Her words hung in the air, followed by silence. A scholarship? For where? my mom said finally, sounding baffled. We offer scholarships to schools all around the country but we have a specific place in mind for Grace where we believe she will be nurtured and able to thrive, Ms Brice explained, not actually answering the question. It would put her in a great position to have the choice of any university she desires. Still not an answer. I started to edge towards the back door. Where is the school? Would we need to move? my dad asked. No, no, its a boarding school. Wed like to take her today but shell be able to visit during the holidays or whenever she likes! Here, we have some leaflets that will explain more about the school. There was a rustling of paper before I heard my dad speak again. Youd take her today? But the summer holidays have only just started. Exactly, Ms Brice said brightly. Its the perfect time for Grace to get settled in at the school and start to meet the other students before term starts again. There was another pause and anxiety flared within me. I didnt think they were the same people who had Anna. It felt like a different world but I wasnt sure how I could tell, I just knew that something felt different. But maybe those people could travel through different worlds. Anna had said they were experimenting on her, maybe theyd learnt how to do it. Even if they werent the people who had Anna, there was still something weird going on. It felt too good. And why would they need to take me today? That felt suspicious. I didnt trust their reasoning. I could go with them next week or the week after and Id still have plenty of time to get settled in. No, something else was going on. Can we talk it over with Grace? I heard my dad ask. See what she thinks of all of this? Of course! Ms Brice said. I wouldnt dream of not having her involved in this decision! Ill go get her, my mom said before I heard the sound of papers being dropped on the table. I scrambled away from the kitchen door, seizing a cup from the draining board and bringing it to my lips as if I had just finished drinking. Grace? my mom called. Im in here, I said softly, trying to sound natural and not like I was eavesdropping. I was just grabbing a drink. Whos at the door? She walked into the room and I examined her quickly. Her appearance was fairly similar to how my mom looked in real life but her hair was a little lighter, the bags under her eyes a little darker. She seemed more tired, tired of life and just in general. Theyre from the government so be polite, she hissed at me. They want to speak to you. I swallowed and lowered my cup, placing it on the side again before nodding. I glanced at the back door, quickly weighing up my options. I could run. I could make it out the door before my mom stopped me or said anything but it was risky. I had to go talk to them. I could always excuse myself to go to the bathroom and climb out the window if I needed to. The thought made me smile a little. I wouldnt have been considering escape routes before but Mitch had rubbed off on me. Run a comb through your hair or something, my mom snapped quietly. You look like youve been dragged through a bush! I looked around helplessly, not seeing a hairbrush anywhere, before slicking my hands over my hair. I knew it wouldnt have helped much but it was better than nothing. My mom sighed loudly but I ignored her and walked into the lounge. Ms Brice was sat in the armchair whilst the other person, Mr Palmer, stood near the television, watching silently. The briefcase Ms Brice had been carrying was propped against the chair next to her and leaflets were scattered on the coffee table. I hovered uncertainly as my mom pushed past me and sank onto the sofa again. I really didnt want to sit on the sofa too, it would barely fit the three of us, so I settled for standing awkwardly next to it. Hello, Grace. Its lovely to meet you, Ms Brice said with a genuine smile as she stood and held her hand out to me. Im Ms Brice. Nice to meet you. I shook her hand and returned her smile before looking uncertainly at the other person. He hadnt spoken at all since theyd entered the house so it surprised me when he stepped forwards and said, Mr Parner. Nice to meet you too, I said, grasping his hand. Were here to talk to you about school. Do you remember the tests you did a couple of months ago? Ms Brice asked. Yes, I said, my eyes finding the leaflets on the table. My mouth almost fell open. The school on the glossy cover was absolutely perfect. It almost looked more like a castle or a church than an actual school. There was even a ridiculously elaborate fountain on the front lawn. What kind of school had a fountain? Mine would never. Kids would spit in it or worse. Fantastic! Well, I dont know if your school explained the purpose of those tests? Ms Brice continued and I had to tear my eyes away from the papers to look at her. Would you like me to go over it and explain it to your parents? Umm, yes, please. I think they just said that it was a new thing the government are trialling, I said but it sounded more like a question. My memories were murky but they were there somewhere beneath the surface. Ms Brices face broke into a wide smile. Thats right! Last year, a study was conducted and published by our department which showed that there were a number of extremely intelligent and able young people who are not currently fulfilling their potential because of their schooling situation. Young people like you. I felt my face colour slightly as I looked at her and I felt everyone else in the room staring at me. I dont know that Im particularly intelligent or able, I admitted finally. The words were hard to say. I didnt want her to know the truth and to snatch the school away from me but I had to tell her. What if theyd mistaken me for someone else? Someone like Phoebe, who was much smarter and deserved this place more than I did, if she even existed in this fantasy. I hoped that she did. Ms Brice reached into her briefcase and, after rummaging through the many papers in there, pulled out a blue plastic wallet. I leant forwards, wanting to know what she was looking at, as she examined it for a moment before holding it out to me. 2.3 Candidate selected for recruitment Confusion washed over me as I took the blue plastic wallet and opened it gingerly. My exam papers were inside. Somehow, seeing them brought all of the memories back to me. I could remember completing the exact paper in my hands, sitting in the hall with the rest of my class and scribbling frantically to get it finished in time. I only just managed and it hadnt felt like enough. I wanted to finish, to do more even. The questions had been weird. Unexpected and not really related to what wed been learning. Some were about things like geography and science and stuff like that, sure, but others werent. Some asked us about our hobbies, if wed ever been in trouble with the police, if we enjoyed exercising or had ever shot a gun. I hadnt, of course. I lived in England, guns werent legal here. Well if I answered the question now, Id have a different answer. I had shot a gun. Mitch had thrust one at me and told me to just aim towards Sterlings people and pull the trigger but I wasnt sure if it had even hit someone. I hoped it hadnt. No. I couldnt tell people that I had fired a gun, maybe even killed someone, in my fantasies. No matter how real it felt, it wasnt. That is your exam, is it not? Ms Brice asked gently. I nodded, unable to speak as my eyes scanned the paper and landed on the words written across the top of the page. It wasnt my handwriting and I wasnt sure if it was even Ms Brices. It didnt look neat enough for the woman sitting in front of me but it could have been. I knew it was silly. I didnt trust them but the words written on my paper still made my heart flutter. Excellent responses. Candidate selected for recruitment. Fantastic. Would you two mind giving us a moment alone with Grace? Ms Brice asked, looking away from me for a moment. Id love to just talk it over with her and explain some of the things weve already explained to you both. Itll give you two a chance to discuss it too. My mom stood immediately but my dad didnt move. Can you not explain it with us here? he demanded stubbornly. Of course, but I wouldnt want you to get bored. Also, I want to give Grace the option to ask any questions that she might not feel comfortable asking in front of her parents, Ms Brice replied with a polite smile. Stephen, my mom muttered pointedly, cocking her head towards the door. I just dont feel comfortable leaving Grace alone with two strangers, he replied, his tone getting louder. I mean, how do we know youre even from the government like you claim? I looked at Ms Brice with wide eyes. I wanted to know the answer to my dads question too but I didnt want to risk the opportunity. What if they werent the people who had Anna? What if they were actually from the government and I had won a scholarship? Would I be able to go to some fancy school, like something out of a book, and pretend to be a whole different person? One not scarred by my mom. Oh, of course! Weve not shown you any identification, Im so sorry! she said before reaching into her blazer pocket and pulling out a small leather wallet which she passed to my dad. I do also have some documents here, signed off by the head of our department, regarding our scholarship offer for Grace. Id love for you to review them and if you have any questions, Id be happy to answer them. She reached into her briefcase again and took out a clear plastic folder, much thicker than the one shed handed me, and passed it to my dad. He looked at her ID badge for a moment longer before nodding and handing it back, taking the folder instead. Okay, he said softly, shooting me a look to make sure I was okay. Well just be in the kitchen if you need anything. I smiled at him as he stood and walked past me into the kitchen. Wonderful! Do you mind shutting the door, Grace? Ms Brice asked. We have a lot to discuss. Well be leaving tomorrow. The words managed to find their way into my fantasy and I ripped myself out of it just in time to catch the look on my moms face. She looked utterly heartbroken. Oh? she said to my grandmother. Already? My grandmother simply speared another piece of lettuce with her fork, taking her time to chew it before saying, Yes, I believe its time we go to the other house. I glanced at my mom, torn between being sad for her and so excited for them to leave so that the house wouldnt constantly be tense and stressful. Weve only just got here, she said. Oh, dont make a scene, Amanda, my grandmother snapped. Were allowing you to stay in the house, you should be grateful, not moping around like a child. Of course, my mom muttered quietly but I could still see how sad and betrayed she was. Youre being ridiculous. My mom didnt respond to her. She just slowly placed her cutlery down, a fake smile coming over her face. Excuse me. Im just going to go to the bathroom, she said, stepping away from the table before my grandmother could say anything else. I watched her go, feeling so sorry for her, before looking back at my grandmother. She was watching me, waiting for my reaction. I think she wanted me to be sad or disappointed but I truly wasn''t. I couldn''t bring myself to feel bad about it. I just felt sorry for my mom. She tried so so hard but it wasnt enough. It was never enough. What? my grandmother demanded, still looking at me. Dont you have anything to say? She wanted me to be sad, she relished the reaction, but I refused to give it to her. Thank you for letting us stay at your house, I said politely, already reaching out for my fantasy. I didnt need to see her response, I knew she was annoyed. That made me happy. My suitcases dug into my hands as I dragged them down the stairs. They felt light, like there wasnt that much in there, but somehow they were still cutting into me. I think it was my injured hands. They werent even hurt in this fantasy, just real life, but they still stung. I hadnt known what to pack. I could vaguely remember deliberating over each item, not quite sure if I was ever making the right decision. Ms Brice had said that I didnt really need to pack anything. Apparently, part of the scholarship would be allocated to my clothes and make-up and anything I might want but I hated the idea of that. I didnt want to have to go to someone and ask them any time I needed something just like I did now with my mom. Even in a fantasy, the idea of relying on someone else made me uncomfortable. Plus, the whole thing felt wrong. The fact that my parents were letting me go felt so reckless. It was too good an offer, it felt like a trap, and I felt like in real life, my parents would have never let me go. Well, maybe they would. My mom would have loved to be able to boast about the scholarship to others. She would have told everyone that I had been chosen over hundreds, probably thousands, of other kids, all because of her. My dad would have been reluctant though. He wouldnt have trusted them as easily but he would have let me go eventually. He would have wanted to give me the chance to escape my mom even if he couldnt. I could hear my parents speaking to Ms Brice in the lounge as I continued down the stairs. The tone was light and I even heard her laugh but that did nothing to soothe the anxiety that was churning inside me. They must have heard me struggling down the stairs though because, before I even managed to get to the bottom, they were in the hall, looking at me. All ready to go? Ms Brice asked with a wide smile. Yeah, I replied a little uncertainly. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. I was but also I didnt want to go. I was scared. It was a fantasy, I could leave at any minute probably, but it still felt risky. I was pretty certain Ms Brice and Mr Parner werent the people whod had Anna but still, it felt weird. They were from the government though, that had to mean it was safe. Theyd shown my parents their badges and they had copies of my test. That must mean they were official. Great! Mr Parner and I will take your bags and wait outside to give you and your parents some privacy to say goodbye, Ms Brice said before smiling warmly and gesturing for me to hand over my suitcases. I did, feeling a lump harden in my throat as I watched her and Mr Parner walk out the front door. They closed it behind them, leaving me in the silence of my house. I wasnt sure what to do. I knew that I needed to say goodbye to my parents, I probably wouldnt see them again for a while, and even though it was just a fantasy, it still made me sad. Even though I didnt particularly enjoy being at home, I still knew that Id miss them. Especially my dad. It wasnt his fault that things werent good in the house. I knew that he worked as much as he could to try and make things better so that my mom wouldnt have to rely on her family so much for money and would be less angry because of that. Or maybe he just wanted to escape too. I would understand if he wanted to be away from my mom as much as possible. I did too. Thats why I had to go. If I left, Id have a chance to exist without her. To grow up without looking over my shoulder and constantly waiting for her to criticise me or mock me for just living my life. I could just be happy. Are you sure you want to go, Gracie? my dad asked softly, stepping towards me. You dont have to. Stephen, my mom hissed, sounding outraged. Theyre from the government. If they want Grace to go with them, shes going with them! My dads eyes didnt leave my face though. If you dont want to go, you dont have to. I know the school is a good one, I googled it when they were talking to you, but youre already doing well at your school. You dont have to leave if you dont feel ready, he told me. I hesitated, glancing between him and the door. I know, I said finally. I think I want to go. His expression didnt change. He just stayed perfectly still, scrutinising my face. Are you sure? Not really. Yeah, I nodded. His shoulders sagged slightly. Okay. But if you get there and change your mind or you dont like it or just want to come home, call me and Ill be there as soon as I can. I dont care what time it is, if you need anything, just call, he told me. My lips lifted into a smile but I felt my heart clench. He didnt want me to go. I will, I promised. My mom sighed loudly. For Gods sake. Shes not a child, shell be fine. Now, go, Grace. I dont want you to keep those people waiting. Be polite and dont let them down. Theyre taking a chance with you, dont disappoint them, she warned me. I swallowed and nodded unsurely. Good. Go on, theyre waiting for you, she said, cocking her head towards the door. I glanced at it uncertainly before looking at my dad. Right, I should probably I trailed off. You should probably come over here and give me a hug? he said, finishing the sentence for me. I laughed slightly and walked into his outstretched arms. He held me tightly and I clutched him back, tears welling in my eyes. I felt guilty, even though I knew that was silly. I just I felt like I was letting him down. We were a team, we both helped the other deal with my mom, but now I was leaving him to handle her alone. I knew he could do it but I hated that I wasnt going to be there for him. I was worried. She normally came into my room after a fight with him but, without me there, what would happen? Would the fight just continue? Would things get worse between them? What if she hit him? It had only happened once that Id seen but I was scared it would happen again. Hed said it hadnt hurt him but I was worried that it would next time. Stephen, my mom said sharply. Lets not keep them waiting, Im sure they have better things to do with their day than to wait for you to be finished hugging your daughter. My dad ignored her, squeezing me even tighten before pulling back and holding me by the shoulders. I mean it, Gracie. If you need anything, just call me, okay? he said, looking into my eyes. I blinked quickly, trying to clear the tears from my eyes, before nodding. I know. I love you, dad, I said thickly. I love you too, sweetie. He let go of me and I stepped towards the door. Excuse me, do I not get a hug? my mom demanded. I turned stiffly and walked to her, giving her a quick hug. She returned it perfunctorily, patting my back once before pulling away. Be good. Dont get into any trouble or do anything stupid, she said. Alright, was all I had to say to her. I moved away again, looking back at my dad and smiling sadly before pulling the front door open. The bright sunlight blinded me for a moment but I raised a hand to shield my eyes so that I could focus on the bus in the driveway. Up close, it was even bigger than it had seemed from the window. It was taller than a normal bus, wider too. It looked like a cross between a camper van and a lorry but I barely had a chance to examine it properly before Ms Brice spoke. I hadnt even really noticed that she was standing next to it, Id been too distracted by the bus itself. All ready to go? she asked with a warm smile. She seemed more comfortable now that we were out of my house. I understood that. I was too, even though my eyes were still damp with tears. Yes, I said, returning the smile tightly. Wonderful! Weve already put one of your suitcases into your room but if you want to board the bus and take a seat at the table, Ill explain everything else whilst Mr Parner starts to take us towards our next recruit, Ms Brice said as she stepped back and gestured towards the door of the bus. I took a deep, slightly shaky, breath and climbed aboard, confused by her mention of my room. It was a bus, why would it have rooms? I wasnt sure what to expect really but even so, I was taken aback by the interior. Most of it had been blocked off by a wall with just a thin corridor stretching down the length of the bus. There was a small table on the raised platform behind the drivers seat though, thats where I assumed Ms Brice wanted me to sit. I started towards it, climbing the steps and slipping onto the bench on the far side so that I could see out the front window at my dad who was waving at us. I lifted my hand just as Ms Brice sat down opposite me. So, she started as we reversed out of my drive. Im excited to have you join us, Grace. I can already tell that youre going to be a great addition to the team. Id been too focused on my dads face and waving to him that I barely heard what she said. I heard enough to mumble, Me too. Fantastic! Well, Im sure youre aware theres more to our offer than what we told you back at the house. I wasnt particularly comfortable disclosing more with your parents there as they didnt pass the security screening but now we have more privacy. I want you to treat this with the utmost secrecy so it is very important that no one knows what I am about to tell you, she said, her expression intent. My gaze finally left my dad as we turned onto the road and I looked at Ms Brice suspiciously. Maybe Id judged them wrong, maybe she was from the same organisation as the people who had Anna. Okay, I said, knowing that she was waiting for an answer but not quite sure what else to say. Once more, I found myself wishing for a weapon or something that I could use, even though I was sure that if they were the same people who had Anna, theyd be prepared. My eyes scanned our surroundings as subtly as possible, trying to find something that I could use but there was nothing. They didnt even have an emergency hammer for the bus windows. Well, Im sure this comes as no surprise to you, based on the test that you completed, but Mr Parner and I arent actually with the Department of Education. There was a pause and my eyes found the bus doors. We werent going particularly quickly and the side of the road was grassy. I could jump out if necessary and it would barely hurt or I reached for that familiar faint dizziness, preparing myself to leave if I needed to. Who are you then? And why do you want me? I asked, fear making my tone accusatory. Were an offshoot of the Department of Counterintelligence. A highly specialist one that very few people know of. I felt my eyebrows draw together. The Department of Counterintelligence? I repeated slowly. What do they do? Ms Brice cocked her head to the side slightly. We protect and defend our country but we also train intelligence officers. Spies. Thats why we want you. I stared at her blankly, not quite sure that I understood what shed said. It took my brain too long to work out what she had said. Spies? You want me to be a spy? Im just a kid, I said finally. Im aware. Thats part of the reason we chose you. People dont expect children to be spies and, with your bone structure and skin type, you look younger than your age and will continue to for quite some time, she replied. Confusion washed through me. What? So, you just want me because I look young? I asked. No, no, no, she was quick to say. Your appearance is simply one factor but your answers on our tests were the main reason, not to mention your extracurricular activities. Extracurricular? I asked, taken aback. I searched my memories quickly, trying to work out what she could be talking about, but I came up blank. Yes, your experience with self-defence, climbing and not to mention how skilfully you navigate the internet. How many books is it youve pirated illegally? she asked, her expression curious. I licked my lips, fear edging into my heart. I did download books illegally, both in the fantasy and real life. They were easy to find and it meant I didnt have to ask my mom for money. But, it was against the law and Ms Brice worked for the government. Was I in trouble? Not many, I lied haltingly. Ms Brice laughed and shook her head. Would you like to try that lie again? she offered, slotting a pair of silver-rimmed glasses into place and pulling an iPad towards herself. I hesitated. No. It wasnt worth it, she already knew I was lying. Good, because I have your actual number here, if youre interested? she offered, looking at me over her glasses. I nodded. I did want to know even if the idea of her knowing scared me. Eighty-nine, she said, sounding impressed more than anything. I was speechless as I stared at her, waiting for her to judge me or condemn me in some way. After all, I had broken the law. Eighty-nine times, if Ms Brice was right. Surely, I would get in trouble for that. I felt like I should. I started to open my mouth, not sure if I was going to apologise or think of an excuse but she interrupted my thoughts. You finished just over eighty percent of them too. Thats very good, she said with a look that seems legitimately impressed. Oh I I trailed off, not sure what to say. Wait, I didnt finish twenty percent of them? Immediately, I found myself thinking of the books that I had downloaded recently. How many of them had I not finished? Part of me wanted to sneak off to the bathroom and check. There were a couple, I knew that, but I was planning on finishing most of them. No. Apparently, there were fifteen that you didnt finish. Did they not appeal to you? she asked. There was something about her gaze that was a little unnerving. It seemed like she was actually listening to me, listening to me properly and she cared about the answer. I didn''t really like that. It felt like I was naked. She saw too much of me and I wasn''t used to it. It reminded me of Mitch, which made my stomach hurt with guilt. I wanted to go back to him I couldnt. Every time I thought about it, my face flushed again and I just wanted to run away. Um no, I guess not, I muttered finally. Thats understandable, not every book is for everyone but you gave them all a good try. That shows persistence. Its part of the reason we chose you. Grace, are you ready to leave? my mom asked sharply. 2.4 That may sound scary but I promise its not. I stared out of the window, hearing my mom ranting next to me but not paying any attention to what she was saying. I knew that it would be the same as it was every year, oscillating between fury that her parents were leaving so soon and relief that they were going. I felt the same way but she was a lot more hurt by their action. Shed mentioned multiple times that when her brother and his children had stayed at the house over the Easter break, her parents hadnt left at all. He was the favourite though, that made sense. I mean, maybe its a good thing theyre going! We wont need to put up with having the TV on so loud all of the time! she said with a sharp, forced laugh that she obviously didnt mean. I laughed along with her, humouring her, before plunging back into my fantasy. So what happens now? I heard myself ask. We were still sitting at the table and I wasnt sure how much time had passed. It didnt feel like long though. Everything looked the same as it had before my mom had interrupted me. Ms Brice removed her glasses, tucking them into a case and placing them on the table again before speaking. In a moment, I''ll take you to your room where you can learn more about the process and what we do whilst we pick up the other recruits. Unfortunately, you won''t be able to see out the window because we like to keep some level of anonymity and confidentiality but there is everything you need in that room. There is a bed, in case you get tired, a toilet and a sink, and an iPad with everything you need to know for now on it, she said with a pleasant smile. Youll be able to learn a lot before we even get to the school. My eyebrows drew together. A bed? How long are we going to be travelling? I asked. She inclined her head slightly, glancing at the iPad in front of her. It''ll be about a day or two before we get there. We need to pick up a few recruits from all over the country so it is a lot of travel and unfortunately, it all must be done today. Even though it was just a fantasy and I knew I wasn''t trapped there, the idea of being locked in a room and unable to leave for more than a day was horrible. I wanted to be able to get up and get some fresh air or just not be staring at the same four walls the whole time. It felt unbearable. Although, I had probably spent that much time in my room during the summer. I was sure there were days when I hadn''t left the room, not even to get food. Maybe, it wouldn''t be any different from that. Dont worry though, theres an exercise bike built into the desk chair which should help you feel slightly less restless! she said. Oh, good, I said softly, not actually feeling better. I was so glad that I wasnt really stuck in that world. I could dip in and out whenever I wanted to so it wasnt actually like I couldnt leave my room at all. Great! Do you have any other worries or questions? I am sure a lot of them will be answered by the information on the iPad in your room, she said. It sounded like she was trying to rush me into my room and I wasnt sure why. Maybe she didnt want me to know where we were going. I could see out of the window still, we hadnt travelled that far from my house, so that wasnt giving anything away. I wasnt sure how to answer her. My mind was racing. It felt like I had a million questions but I didnt want to ask something stupid. Where am I being trained? I asked. Is it the school from the brochure or I trailed off, clinging to the hope that it was. It had looked so pretty and I really wanted to go there. She nodded, an understanding smile on her face. Yes, its the same school. Youll be able to learn more about how it is run and what the day-to-day of your life there will look like once youre in your room, she explained. Would you like me to tell you a bit about it? I nodded eagerly. I wanted to know everything about the school. Excitement was starting to build in my stomach, even though I still wasnt sure that I could trust them. It felt too good to be true and I didnt understand why they had to take me that day rather than let me come up with my parents. I mean, Ms Brice had mentioned security clearance and something about my parents not getting it but it still felt weird. Great! It is run fairly similar to a school. Youll be placed into houses, have to wear a uniform and will have classes every day with the rest of your cohorts but of course, the classes will be quite different from what youre used to! I nodded again and the desperate urge to ask her for more details, like what classes would I be taking, threatened to overwhelm me. Anything else? she asked. Or shall I show you to your room? A fleeting sensation of anxiety fluttered in my stomach at the idea of being locked in a tiny box of a room and I wanted to ask more questions, anything to draw out the time before I had to go to the room. I debated leaving the fantasy right then. The comforting dizziness crept towards me but I pushed it aside. Im ready to go to my room, I said. Ms Brice smiled at me and I got the feeling that I had made the right choice. Great, follow me! She squeezed out of the chair and stood, starting past me towards the thin corridor on the other side of the bus. I took a deep breath and steeled myself before following her. She didn''t hesitate or look back, she just knew that I would follow her. There wasnt anywhere else to go. We already have one recruit on the bus and Id like for you to stay in your room until we get to the training facility and you hear the announcement asking you to come out to the hall. If you need anything, there is a button on your iPad that will open a communication channel to myself or one of the other members of staff on the bus. We will be bringing you food frequently but there is also some in your room if you would like to snack. Our records say that you are a vegetarian, is that still the case? she asked. I stared at her, taken aback and slightly scared by how much they knew about me. Um yeah. Im vegetarian, I muttered. Great, do you have any other preferences or any allergies? No, thats it. Fantastic! Ms Brice said, finally stopping outside a door in the tight and claustrophobic corridor. This is your room. Its all pretty self-explanatory but if you do need anything, check the iPad and then if you still arent sure what to do next, feel free to ask me. I looked between her and the door before realising that she wasn''t going to open it. Oh, great. Thank you, I told her before glancing back at the door. Ms Brice didn''t reply, she just waited for me to go into the room. I hesitated, looking at the door again before taking a deep breath and reaching for the handle. I wasnt sure why I was so scared but the idea of seeing the room where I was going to be locked for the next day or two made me move slowly but I couldn''t put it off any longer. I pushed down on the handle and let the door swing inwards. I immediately felt stupid for being so anxious as I stared around the space that would be my bedroom for the next however many days. Although it was small and compact, it didn''t feel too suffocating even after I stepped inside and let the door swing shut behind me. It seemed to have everything I needed. A desk was built into the wall next to the door with a weird-looking seat in front of it. It was strangely low with peddles sticking out of the front part of it. It took me a minute to realise that it was probably the exercise bike that Ms Brice had mentioned before. The desk was empty apart from a single iPad that sat in the centre, next to a notepad and pencil. I wasn''t sure why I would need to take notes but that worried me. It made me think that there might be a test on the contents of the iPad at some point. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. There was no bed. Or at least there was one, kind of. There was a sign on the wall that indicated it had been folded down into the floor to clear space. On the opposite wall, straight in front of the door, was another sign. I stepped forward, stumbling as the bus turned a corner and having to catch myself on the wall before staring up at the laminated sign. It was instructions on how to make the toilet come out of the wall. According to the sign, if I pushed the button, they would appear in the room. There was a warning to make sure that the bed was down and out of the way before I did so and part of me wanted to see what would happen if I didn''t do that. Would the toilet stop before it hit the bed or would it smash into it and break it? I hesitated, looking at the button before stepping away. I didn''t like the idea of going to the toilet on the bus. There were no cameras in the room that I could see but I still wasnt comfortable with it. Plus, it felt strange to have a toilet in my bedroom. I didn''t think I''d ever seen a toilet anywhere apart from the bathroom. At least one of my suitcases was already in the room. It had been tucked into the far corner where the bed apparently rose from the floor and I found it strangely comforting to see but it also worries me. I had bought two suitcases and I wasn''t sure what I had packed inside the blue one in front of me. I was pretty sure that all of my underwear was in one of the suitcases but, as I stared at it, I didnt know if it was that one. The bus rounded another corner and I stumbled again, this time into the desk. The pencil started to roll and my hand darted out to stop it from rolling off the desk. Gingerly, I sunk onto the chair and hooked my feet into the pedals before looking at the iPad in front of me. It was attached to a strange bracket, I realised, which meant I could lift it and have it positioned in front of me rather than having to look down constantly. I tapped the screen carefully, immediately worrying about what would happen if I were to break their iPad. Would they kick me off the bus? What if they no longer wanted me to be a spy once they found out how clumsy I was? Make sure to go straight up to bed when we get in so that youll be awake in time to say goodbye to your grandparents tomorrow morning, my mom told me, her voice floating through my fantasy. Okay, I said, barely hearing the words. I could feel the car stopping and my hand reaching out to the door handle but I wasnt paying enough attention. I just wanted to learn more about the school and what I was going to be learning. The screen lit up and displayed a simple welcome message: Welcome Grace. Again, it was unnerving. They were the government so I expected them to know a lot about me but I still didn''t like how frequently they displayed that knowledge. I tapped the screen, unsure what else to do, and it changed into an image of the school. It looked bigger than the picture from the brochure though, I was sure, and there were kids on the lawn. They were seated in small groups, most of them laughing happily, but that wasnt what stole my attention. It was the archery range tucked to one side and the fleet of cars lining the front of the school. I tapped on the screen again, hoping for more pictures or more information, but it disappeared, leaving the screen completely blank. Impatiently, I tapped again but this time, the screen slowly brightened and a woman walked across it. She was dressed in a flawlessly tailored suit, her smile radiant and the union jack pin on her lapel shining. She looked directly into the camera, sending me a well-practiced smile, before beginning to talk. Hello and welcome! Im Harriet and Im going to walk you through whats going to happen whilst youre on the bus and once you get to one of our many training facilities but first, I dont like to call them that! It sounds a little too formal and scary. For now, lets just call them schools, she said, shooting me another polished smile. Sit back and dont forget to pedal whilst I talk. If you need to pause it or go back because you missed anything, feel free to just tap on the screen and rewind it as much as you need to. She smiled again and started to walk, gesturing to the blank wall behind her. I watched as it slowly morphed into what looked a lot like the room around me. So much so that I looked up and glanced around the small room before looking back at her. At the moment, youre on one of our specially designed transport vehicles. I have a whole fleet of them and each one is specifically designed to make sure that you have everything you need as you travel. For your first trip, we ask that you don''t leave the room because we don''t want you to see anything that might mean you need to sign a confidentiality agreement but dont worry, youll sign that soon enough which means all future trips will be a lot more comfortable! she announced happily. I found myself leaning forwards and wanting to know more but luckily, she began talking again. Everything in the room should be fairly self-explanatory but there are signs everywhere if you do need some help. If they aren''t enough for you, or you prefer to learn using videos, you will have access to a whole library of videos once I finish talking to you through the introduction. And, once more, dont forget to pedal! She paused and smiled at the camera again but it felt a little like she was waiting for something. I started pedalling slowly and her smile grew unnervingly. She walked across to the other side of the screen, standing in front of the door, before starting to speak again. During the journey, you will mostly have the opportunity to relax and learn about where you are going. There are a wide variety of topics with some giving just a general overview of the school and others going into much more detail. All of your meals and snacks will be provided for you in your room which means that three times a day, you will hear a knock at the door and a light will turn on here. There was a pause as she gestured towards the top of the door. The room around Harriet spun so that I could see what she was referring to better and a red light switched on above her door. I looked up immediately, my eyes searching for the light above my door. It was there, almost blending into the wall. When this is lit, we ask that you open the door. We will never open your door without your consent, unless we are concerned about you or your health. If you are asleep or using the bathroom when someone knocks, please do not worry. We will come back in about ten minutes! Harriet made a show of reaching towards the door and pretending to open it. On the green screen behind her, the door opened and a person appeared with a tray of food. Yum! Thank you! she said. The door closed again and she looked back at the camera. It was a little unsettling to have her staring straight into the camera as she spoke. It made the video feel like a cheesy informational video, like the kind of thing we sometimes watched in school. Everything about it, from her mannerisms to her tone, felt over the top. Even so, I was still interested in what she was saying. I yearned to know more. If you get hungry in between meals, thats okay! If you open the bottom drawer of your desk, youll find a refrigerated cabinet that is refilled daily and is full of snacks, she said. I leant back, immediately pulling the drawer open and staring into it. There was so much in there. Fruit, crisps, chocolate bars, even little pots of hummus and vegetables to dip. The sight made my mouth water but Harriet had already started speaking again. If you need anything else, feel free to press the button on your iPad that calls your escort. They will be able to provide you with anything you might want, within reason. There is also a water fountain built into the wall next to the toilet, right there. She waved a hand at the green screen behind her again and part of the wall lit up. I looked across just as the water dispenser built into my wall glowed too. Make sure youre drinking enough! she instructed in a friendly tone. I looked between her and the glass bottle that waited in the dispenser. I was thirsty, I realised, but something was stopping me from actually wanting to get a drink. I think it was the knowledge that, if I did have something to drink, it meant that I will probably need to use the bathroom at some point and the only way I could do that was in my room. I wasnt comfortable with that yet. I wasn''t sure that I would ever be comfortable with it. On your iPad, there is a lot for you to read about. Look through it in your own time and dont feel like you need to get through everything during the journey. We are aware that everyone processes information at different speeds so, if you do not manage to read it all today or over your next few days, you will have access to this information once you arrive at the school. Once more, the picture behind her changed. It shifted from my room on the bus back to the image of the school. But, this time, it wasnt just an image. The union jack flying above the building rippled gently in the wind and the kids outside were moving. I could see them talking, their mouths moving but I couldnt hear what they were saying at all. When you arrive at the school with the rest of your cohort, you will be shown to the induction wing. Its a self-enclosed area with dorm rooms, a kitchen and dining hall and some classrooms. There is also a medical office there however don''t be concerned. It is simply to make sure that you and the rest of the new intake a healthy and happy. We wouldn''t want anything to happen to you or for you to be ill in any way. You would be surprised how often we get kids who have vitamin or mineral deficiencies! she joked. I felt a shudder wanting to tear through me at her words. It made me hesitate. It worried me because it meant that they did blood tests on the new cohorts. What other tests would they run on us? That thought alone was almost enough to make me slip away from my fantasy however I thought to stay. I didn''t want to miss what I could learn about the facility I was going to. I knew that I would gain the knowledge anyway but I didn''t want to risk it. Plus, I loved reading. I was excited to do so. I knew that a lot of words awaited me on the iPad, as soon as Harriet was finished with the introductory video. She was taking so long though. It felt like she was saying a lot but not much of it was actually necessary. I could read about most of it or work it out some other way. I didnt need her to slowly go through it all. I was so tempted to see if I could fast forward through the video, just so that I could get to the next bit but I resisted. I was being too impatient and I knew it. I wedged my hands under my butt, hoping that it would help me resist the urge. Once at the school, you will be assigned to a dorm room with a few other people of the same gender as you. If you are not comfortable in that room for whatever reason, please speak to your escort who will accommodate your request. There, you will receive your schedule for the induction, Harriet continued. She wandered slowly across the screen, her pace leisurely and relaxed. The image behind her morphed slowly, turning into an exposed red brick corridor. My eyes scanned the corridor, taking in the completely blank walls. There was nothing on there that gave anything away. No signs, no artwork, nothing. None of the doors even had nameplates. Obviously, you won''t stay in the induction wing forever! It is only a temporary place whilst you complete the first few weeks at the school. It is designed to slowly introduce you to your life here so that you don''t become too overwhelmed and you can learn how to function within the environment, Harriet explained. The induction wing is a lovely place complete with a large courtyard and all of the amenities you might need but most of your time there will be spent completing the testing! That may sound scary but I promise its not. She was right, it did sound scary. Even the mention of it made my stomach tighten with fear. If I did badly during it, would they kick me out? Was that possible? Surely, not. I knew too much. I could tell everyone about the school and the child spies and everything. I wouldnt, of course. No one would believe me and it just felt wrong, but I could try. 2.5 A potentially dangerous move. I raced upstairs, pretending to be exhausted and wanting to get to bed early, just like my mom told me to, and dashed into the bathroom. I stripped quickly and stepped into the shower without really paying any attention. I was fully invested in the other world, fascinated and terrified by Harriets words. The testing will mostly just determine where your current level of education is. We are aware that you all come from different schools and different areas of the country so, it is likely that you will not all be in the same place and that is okay! It is completely normal for some people to be further ahead of further behind than others. The testing means that we will be able to place you in the right classroom with the right tutor to make sure that you get the attention and education that you require. That didnt reassure me at all. I wanted to do well. It didnt matter what the other kids knew or how they did. I just wanted to do well for myself. And to prove to the people who had selected me that they had made the right choice, that I could truly excel. During this time, youll also have some physical and medical tests. Once more, this is just to make sure that you can be placed in the right class and that you are as healthy as possible, Harriet explained. Your weekly schedule will be quite intense whilst youre in training and at first, you will not be approved for any missions, even the minor ones. During training, you will study a wide variety of subjects including She trailed off and gestured to one side of the screen where a list of words appeared. I scanned the subject, unable to focus on them fully. They just sounded so fascinating but, at the same time, they sounded similar to the lessons that Mitch wanted me to take. Worry washed through me and dizziness started to pull at my mind. I blinked, trying to push the feelings away and focus on the subjects but they disappeared too quickly and Harriet clasped her hands in front of herself as she began to speak again. But, for now, please have a look through the information on this iPad at your own speed. You may see me from time to time if you decide to watch the videos rather than read but, if not, welcome to the school and I hope to run into you one day! She grinned at me one final before the image disappeared from the screen and was replaced by new symbols. Where the apps should have been, there were small images, emblems almost, with names like History of the Department, Information about the school and Introduction to Counterintelligence but most were greyed out. A slight frown came over my face and I clicked on one of the greyed-out ones anyway, just to see what would happen. A small alert popped up with the message Please complete all previous sections before attempting to access the information you have selected. I clicked off it before trying to click on one of the other greyed-out images to see if they all have the same alert but they do. A yawn briefly pulled me from my fantasy and I rolled, opening my eyes again. The new daydream was interesting, fascinating and exciting but it didnt grip me the same way as the one with Mitch did. I wanted to be a spy, dont get me wrong. It sounded so cool and fun but I felt like I could leave the fantasy and I would never think about it again. At least with the other one, I felt like I was being pulled back to it. It felt more natural. But the new one felt forced. Like I was actively deciding that I wanted to fantasise instead of just spending another night staring blankly at the half-naked posters on the walls, hoping that sleep finds me soon but realistically knowing that it wont. Still, it was better than nothing. And I guess I did want to know more about the school. Closing my eyes and ignoring the faint breeze that tickled my cheeks, I returned to the fantasy. My finger hovered above the screen as I tried to work out which of the two non-greyed-out options that I could choose from. Information about the school was my initial thought but the other one, History of the Department, sounded more important. I wanted to know everything about where I was going but I felt like I should learn about the department first. It didnt matter, I had time. I was going to be on the bus for easily another day or so. I could start with learning about the department and then go from there. I tapped on the History icon and Harriet appeared on the screen again. She looked a little different now, like this clip had been filmed on a different day, but she still stared right at me and smiled widely. Im glad you want to learn more about our department because it is one of my favourite topics! Harriet said enthusiastically. It was first founded during the second world war when it became very evident that the countrys intelligence needs were rapidly evolving and that we no longer had the means to meet these. Our founder, Richard Brookman, met with Hugh Sinclair to discuss how they could address this. Harriet paused for just a moment as the screen behind her changed, showing two men, both in different coloured military uniforms, shaking hands and I found myself leaning forwards to examine the picture closer. They were in some kind of office or meeting room. It was probably a government one because there was a union jack flag hanging in the background and I had never seen one of those just in a building. Their initial aim was to work as a team to develop a place where cryptanalysts and highly trained specialist intelligence agents could work together however, this partnership didnt last long. Soon, it became evident that the amount of personnel and work needed was too much for one single location. With the approval of Churchill, Brookman and Sinclair parted ways. Sinclair went on to found Bletchley Park whereas Brookman founded The Academy. Harriet paused and the screen behind her changed. A giant sprawling building took up the majority of the screen but I could just about make out tiny figures of people exercising on the front lawn. The building looked different to the one in the brochures and previous videos but there was a similarity between them. I wasnt sure what it was, maybe just that both buildings were a similar style? No, that felt wrong but there was something. Now, I know what you might be thinking, Harriet said with a knowing smile. This Academy is not where youre heading. The Academy evolved over the years. Starting as a single school, it quickly expanded to other locations however the one you see behind me was our first. We still refer to it on the whole as the Academy even though the Academies would be more fitting. Harriet chuckled softly at her own joke and I felt my lips tick up for a moment. It wasnt really a joke, definitely not deserving of any laughter, but I felt bad not reacting even if she couldnt see my response. At first, the Academy recruited agents straight from university but it soon became clear that this was not the best use of our resources. Our department was aware that many other countries were using underaged officers, who were often mistreated and forced into the line of work, but England was not. Until, Mary Campbell, the acting head of the department, met with the prime minister to discuss this matter. The image behind Harriet changed again, now showing a man and a woman standing side by side and smiling into the camera. My gaze darted to the bottom of the screen, reading the label that told me the prime ministers name was Edward Heath. He didnt look that impressive. He looked old and frail, his hair dark and receding. I think the fact that he was standing next to Mary Campbell didnt help. She looked great. Her suit was similar to the one that Harriet wore but there was something about her that seemed to portray how smart she was. A spark in her eyes maybe? I wasnt sure what it was but I immediately trusted her, which felt dangerous. The prime minister was reluctant at first, understandably. He was worried that the children who would be entrusted to the care of The Academy would be needlessly put at risk and that they wouldnt be able to gather as much information as an adult might however, Campbell was able to convince him otherwise, Harriet informed me before adding, Of course, it did help that the unofficial talks with the Irish Republican Army delegates were so unsuccessful at the time meaning that Campbell was able to begin setting up the first child-only Academy before receiving complete approval. A potentially dangerous move but ultimately, it did pay off! This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Harriet gestured to the screen behind her and a short film began playing. Mary, grinning triumphantly, was standing in front of the building, addressing the crowd. I couldnt make out what she was saying, the sound was too garbled, but I could tell from her smile that she was thrilled. She swung one arm out to the side, welcoming someone. The man from before, Edward Heath, walked across the stage. I wasnt sure how long after the photo this video was taken but he looked much older. He looked drained, exhausted. The years of struggles and being in charge had clearly taken a toll on him physically and mentally. He spoke briefly, the sound still not clear, and his hands gripped the sides of the podium as he stood. I wasnt sure if he was just resting his hands on it or using it to stay standing but, I could see how tightly his fingers were clenched. Before long, he stepped back and Mary returned to the podium. Finally, I could hear what she was saying. Thank you, Edward, for that moving speech. And with that, congratulations cohort, you are now ready to commence field operations! A loud cheer blared from the speakers, along with the national anthem, but I was barely paying attention. The camera had zoomed out to show the crowd. They were hugging the other people there, cheering and celebrating, but one thing hit me. Maybe I should have known or expected it but they were just so young. Some of them looked even younger than me. And that was the graduation ceremony of our very first underage cohort! Harriet said, returning to the screen. Wasnt it perfect? She looked at me expectantly, like I was meant to answer her but I couldnt move. It seemed so weird to see a bunch of children celebrating that theyd be able to go on missions now. It suddenly hit me how dangerous it was. We were being trained, I assumed, but we would still be putting ourselves at risk. I had no clue what the missions would be like but I had to assume they would be dangerous. My mind immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario. Gunfire, jumping out of a plane, having someone lunge at me with a knife and even more terrifying situations flashed through my brain. Part of me longed for that though. We dont quite do it like that anymore though. The Academy realised that every student matures and learns at different speeds so one recruit might be ready for missions within the year, whilst another might not be ready for a couple of years. But, dont you worry. You wont be assigned any missions until both you and your tutors are sure that you will be safe and successful, Harriet said. Strangely, that did make me feel better. I wouldnt be doing anything too risky or dangerous until I wanted to but It was just a fantasy, right? I didnt need to worry about danger. Id be fine. I couldnt really be hurt. Harriet opened her mouth to continue talking but the video paused. Confusion washed over me and I tapped the screen, trying to unpause it, but a notification popped up. Please choose your meal? I read aloud, under my breath. I didnt expect that Id have a choice. I thought they would just bring me food and Id have to eat it. It felt weird for me to have options. I clicked on the menu button and stared at the list of meals I could choose. There was so much choice, almost too much. The giant couscous salad looked great but then there was also a risotto, a veggie burger, and a stir fry with tofu. They all sounded so good. I didnt know what to choose. I wasnt used to that. Normally, when I went out for a meal, I had only a couple of options and generally, I only liked one or two but there were easily five options before me and I wanted to eat them all. For a moment, I debated ordering more than one but I pushed that thought aside. It felt wrong. Too selfish. Chewing my lip, I clicked on the risotto, remembering the roasted vegetable one that Mitch had ordered what felt like months ago. That had smelt so good. The smile slowly slipped from my lips as my stomach sank and guilt started to worm its way into my heart again. I swallowed hard and pushed it aside, trying to ignore the urge to check on Mitch. I couldnt. I confirmed my meal choice, expecting to be taken back to the video I was watching but instead, I had more choices. It was asking me which side dish I wanted and once more, I didnt know but I clicked on the first one before I could overthink it too much. Sauted spinach with pine nuts and crunchy chickpeas. It sounded delicious. Once again, even more options appeared, offering me dessert but I chose to skip it. I felt like there was already going to be so much food, I didnt want to seem greedy. I had just confirmed my meal when a creak came from the floorboard outside my room. My body tensed as my eyes opened and I stared at the ceiling, listening carefully. The footsteps continued past my door, creeping along the hallway towards the stairs. It sounded like my mom but she didnt sound angry or anything. I assumed she was just going to the bathroom but shed moved past the room. Straining my ears, I heard her slip down the stairs before the heavy clunk of the front door opening sounded in the silent house. Confusion washed through me and I glanced at the curtains. It was pretty much still dark outside, with hardly any light poking in through the gaps around the blinds, why would she be going outside? Part of me wanted to get up to find out but I didnt really want to. She was probably just going for a cigarette or something and I knew shed be mad at me if she thought I was snooping so instead, I decided to just wait and see if she came back. Of course, she was going to come back. She wouldnt just leave me with my grandparents. I didnt think so at least. I didnt want to risk going back into my fantasy and not hearing her come back which meant I had to just do nothing. I immediately got bored. I didnt like doing nothing. If I dont have something to think about or focus on, then my mind just jumps around randomly. It touches on topics for just a moment before moving on to the next one, sometimes halfway through a thought. It gets irritating. My eyes started to feel heavy and I wasnt sure if it was sleep or the fantasy that was pulling at me but something was. Probably sleep. It was early in the morning and I still hadnt slept. I did need it and I knew that but I just couldnt be bothered to sleep. A soft noise echoed through the house and I held my breath, listening. For a moment, I didnt hear anything but then the soft tread of my mom climbing the stairs sounded. Relief washed through me, even though logically, I knew she was probably just going for a cigarette and I slipped back into the fantasy. I barely had a chance to realise what was going on before the light appeared above the door and a knock sounded. I rushed to unhook my feet from the pedals and stood, my legs feeling surprisingly weak. How long had I been pedalling and how much time had passed since I left the fantasy? It felt like I hadnt been on the bus for that long but I wasn''t sure really. I must have been on it for a little while if they were already bringing food around. I hesitated, looking at the door and unsure whether they were waiting for me to open it just to say something. My hand stretched out towards the handle before I changes my mind and let it fall to my side. Come in, I called but it sounded more like a question. There was a slight pause before the door opened. Ms Brice stood on the other side, a covered metal tray in her hands. The smell wafting off it made my mouth water even though I had only just eaten in real life. It was so rich, so delicious smelling. I could even smell fresh bread but I wasnt sure how because we were on a bus. We hadnt stopped anywhere and I couldnt imagine that Ms Brice had made it. Hello, Grace. How are you? she asked. Oh, Im good, thank you, I answered before quickly adding, how are you? Her lips twitched up into a smile. Im very well, thank you. How are you finding being in here? I hesitated. Its alright, I said. It wasnt quite a lie but I couldnt bring myself to say that it was good. Ms Brice seemed to understand though. She nodded slightly. Thats good. Youre not feeling too restless or bored? No. Fantastic. Well, I have your dinner here. Do you have any questions or is there anything youd like to know? she asked me. I felt like the answer was yes. Everything I read just caused more and more interest, even if I still didnt feel fully committed to the fantasy. I couldnt think of a way to word the questions though. It was more just that I wanted information but I didnt want to have to read through everything or watch any videos. I just wanted to have the knowledge already. I dont think so, I said slowly. Alright. Well, if you do think of anything, feel free to use the iPad to contact me. Here. She held the tray out for me and I took it, surprised by the sheer weight of it. I thought that Id be given plastic plates or something but, based on how heavy it was, it didnt feel like it. I wanted to rip the cover off the tray and see what was inside but I felt weird doing that with Ms Brice still standing in the doorway. Plus, I knew what I had ordered but I wanted to see if it would actually be tasty or not. I placed the tray awkwardly on my desk, sliding it underneath the iPad stand, and glanced back at the door. Once youve finished eating, please place the tray in the top drawer on the right-hand side and close it. Well come and collect it from the other side of the wall so it shouldnt be too disruptive. If you dont like the meal, just let me know and I can get you something else, she said, stepping backwards out of the door. And make sure youre drinking enough water. With that, the door shut again, sealing me back into my tiny room but that time, I didnt mind. I was already looking at the tray. Even though Id had dinner fairly recently, I was pretty sure that my stomach rumbled in real life as I sat back in my chair, my legs twinging in pain as I did, and lifted the lid. The smell intensified and I was hit in the face by the steam. Immediately, I knew that I had made the right choice. The risotto looked delicious and even the spinach looked great but my eyes found the bread roll first. Tentatively, I reached out and touched it. It was still warm! I picked it up, ripping into it and slathered butter on before taking a bite. Finishing it quickly, I eyed the tomato risotto. It looks perfectly creamy with juicy-looking roasted tomatoes nestled amongst the grains. It was even topped with fresh herbs and grated cheese. Scooping up a forkful, I shovelled it into my mouth letting out a content sigh. I didnt know how theyd managed it because surely there wasnt a kitchen on board the bus but it was absolutely perfect. It was better than some dishes Id had in actual restaurants. My gaze fell on the rest of my food, a smile growing on my face. If the food on the bus was that good, the food at the school must be incredible. 2.6 He could tell I wasn鈥檛 from this world. I woke up slowly, having fallen asleep at some point as light began to illuminate my room, and stretched under the covers. I didnt want to get up. I was too comfortable. The bed, lumpy as it was, was cosy and warm. Eventually, though, I managed to pry my eyes open. I groaned softly and rolled over again, pulling the duvet up even higher so that it bunched around my face. It was so soft against my skin. Reaching out somewhat blindly, I grabbed my phone and stared at the time in horror. It was already eleven. I was meant to get up early to say goodbye to my grandparents before they left to go to the other house! I threw myself out of bed, changing quickly and raced down the hall. The house was silent, apart from my loud footsteps, as I rushed down the stairs and glanced out the window at the front of the house. Their car was gone. Theyd already left. My shoulders slumped and I started to walk along the hallway, ducking my head into the lounge to make sure they werent in there. They werent, of course, but I just felt the need to check. I continued, emerging into the kitchen. My mom was sitting at the table, a book in her hands and an empty coffee cup in front of her. She looked up at me as I entered, her expression flat and melancholy. Good morning, I said cautiously, unsure what kind of mood she would be in. Morning, she said, her voice void of emotion. Uncertainty filled me and I shuffled, not wanting to leave the doorway. It wasnt that I was scared shed get mad or hit me or anything, it was more just I wanted to be able to turn and run if I needed to which sounded dramatic. I didnt need to run away from her, just sometimes it was nice to have some space. Im sorry I didnt wake up in time to say goodbye, I continued. Its fine. I wasnt either. Sadness tinged with anger washed through me. They didnt even wake my mom when they were leaving. That felt so rude, so callous. How could they be so uncaring? Did they not know how much their behaviour affected her? They did, I knew that. I had seen the way my grandmother examined my mom after saying something particularly cutting, the slight smirk on her face. She enjoyed it. Im sorry, I said honestly. Its fine, she repeated, her eyes fixed on the book. It clearly wasnt but I didnt want to push it. I stepped closer uncertainly, my eyes scanning the rest of the kitchen. It was spotless. There was no trace that my grandparents had even had breakfast this morning. I assumed they hadnt. It wouldnt surprise me if they waited until they thought my mom was asleep and then raced out of the house, just to hurt her. You dont need to hover by the door. Come have some breakfast. The baker dropped off more scones this morning, my mom said, still not looking up. I hurried to grab a plate from the cupboard and joined her at the table, selecting one of the scones from the box in the middle and taking a bite before even adding anything to it. It was delicious but I wasnt surprised. They always were. Theres cream in the fridge and jam in the cupboard, my mom told me, her nose wrinkling slightly. I swallowed the dry mouthful, enjoying the faint sweetness even as it turned to paste in my mouth, before starting to stand up. I hesitated halfway towards the fridge and turned back towards my mom. Would you like me to get you a plate? I offered. She never normally had breakfast, especially not at my grandparents, but I did see her picking at the scones sometimes. She looked up at me, seemingly surprised by my offer. Yes, please, she said after a pause. A smile came over my face but I looked away quickly, retrieving the plate along with the cream and strawberry jam. I handed the plate to her a little awkwardly, placing everything else on the table and was about to sit down when she spoke again. Help yourself to coffee, if you want it, she said before adding, Because, apparently, thats something you drink now. I hesitated, confused by her tone. It didnt sound like she was annoyed or angry it sounded like she was trying to tease me. I truly didnt know how to react to that. She didnt tease me in a lighthearted way ever, that wasnt how we interacted. Umm Im okay today, thank you, I answered haltingly. She smiled faintly before looking away and we began eating in silence again. Mom picked up her book again, reading as she ate and after a moment, I pulled my phone out. I caught up quickly, answering Phoebes texts before mindlessly scrolling through Instagram for a little. Nothing there was gripping me though and before long, my mind began to wander. It lazily returned to the daydream I had been in the night before but I knew I couldnt stay there for long. It was boring. I was lying in the surprisingly comfortable but small bed, the bus humming softly and the world dark outside the window. There was nothing for me to do there. I knew that I could get up and start learning but I just didnt want to. The clock on the iPad screen glowed softly in the darkness, informing me that it was a little after four in the morning. If I got up and did start reading stuff on the iPad, would Ms Brice find out somehow? Like, would she be alerted that I was up at an abnormal hour? Did that really matter? I thought we could go out to the cafe for lunch today, I heard my mom say in reality. That sounds nice, I answered without fully returning. We could go there for a late lunch, maybe? she suggested. Sure, Id like that. I would. It was really nice there. My mom and I usually brought a couple of books and ordered a sandwich. Shed get a coffee whilst I got a coke or something and wed just sit there and read for a few hours. It wasnt particularly different to being at home but sometimes it was just nice to not be in the house. Maybe Id get a coffee this time. I was pretty sure that they did weird flavoured syrups for the coffees there, I remembered my mom looking at them disdainfully, but maybe Id try one. That would be good. I rolled over in the small bed, facing the window. It felt a little strange sleeping against a window, like it would be dangerous or something but I think that they must have preempted that people would be worried about that because I had a faint memory of watching a video about my time on the bus. Apparently, if I remembered correctly, the window would be fine, even in an emergency. Theyd shown clips of it being shot at and everything which I remembered made me slightly uneasy. Was it likely that someone would shoot at the bus? Guns were illegal in this country, surely they wouldnt be able to get any. No, that was silly. I assumed that people must be able to find a way to get them in but wed be okay, right? There were only trainees on the bus, who would want to shoot at us? I tapped the glass, causing it to brighten slightly and show the darkened world beyond the window. Well, it wasnt really showing that. I wasnt allowed to know where we were so it was just displaying a video of a random road at night. I stared at it, my mind wandering back to the cafe and what I would order before a strange dizziness washed over me. Unauthorized usage: this tale is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. Can I get a top up, please? I heard someone ask but the voice was distant, foggy. It felt like it was far away or on the other side of a window or something and I needed to wade towards it through my dizziness. Darling? a woman asked, touching my arm gently. Brightness assaulted my brain but I forced myself to just blink quickly, and smile at the unfamiliar brunette woman who sat at the table in front of me. Sorry, I said in a voice that wasnt quite my own. It was too polite, too clipped. Another iced tea? The woman smiled, all traces of concern leaving her face. Yes, please. Unsweetened. Coming right up, I told her, not even bothering to scribble her order down on the notepad that was tucked into my white apron pocket. I crossed through the busy diner, dodging other servers, and stopped at the red shiny counter. Leaning my forearms against it, I felt a chill go through me despite how warm it was in the busy room. Eventually, the guy behind the counter looked up at me. Can I get an unsweetened iced tea for table six, please? I asked. Got it, he grunted, barely meeting my gaze. It was normal for him though. I wasn''t quite sure how I knew that but Id been working at Amys diner for long enough to know that Aaron didnt really like to engage with people, unlike the rest of us. He lived in one of the apartments above the diner, like me, but he still liked to keep himself at arms length. It was a shame though because he was kind of cute, in a dark and broody way. I looked away, catching the eye of Sarah, one of the other girls who worked at Amys and sending her a smile as she passed, laden down with plates. She returned it before winking. My grin widened and I felt happiness rush through me, tinged with confusion and excitement. I had only just joined this new world and yet, it felt like I already knew so much about it. I knew all about where I lived, the people here and what they were like, I even had friends. Somehow I could tell that I was popular. After a moment, Aaron returned, placing several glasses on the counter in front of me. Do you mind taking some cokes to table eight? he asked. Its Elsas table technically but shes caught up with twelve. I glanced over at table twelve and winced. The men at that table came in once a week and they always had the most complicated orders, which they ran through multiple times. Oh, yeah, thats fine, I told him. Thanks. Ill get you a tray, he said, grabbing one from below the counter and beginning to load drinks onto it. It wasnt until he was done that he finally met my gaze. His eyes widened and his hands froze as pure fear crossed his face. He leant forwards, his eyes flicking between mine as his mouth fell open slightly. The look of horror on his face made me self-conscious. I wasnt sure what he was looking at or why he was so scared but it made me race a hand to touch my cheeks. Nothing felt wrong. I had no clue why he was staring at me like that. I knew Aaron, wed been working together for a while. He was a year or so older than me so already working there when I started as soon as I turned sixteen and my parents kicked me out. He had looked at me before so I didnt know why he now looked so horrified. Beth? he breathed, the name sounding almost like a prayer. Confusion and fear washed through me and I searched my memories frantically, trying to work out what my name was in this fantasy. Um no, Im Grace, I replied, feeling genuinely thankful that I had the same name in my dream as I did in reality. Are you okay? At once, the fear left his face and he laughed lightly as he ran a hand through his tousled brown hair. Oh, duh. Sorry about that. I didnt really sleep well last night so Im kind of out of it. You do look a little different today though, did you get a haircut or something? he asked, his tone completely normal but the wild panic remained in his eyes. Oh yeah. I did actually, I said unsurely. His lips lifted softly, making his chiselled face look a lot more gentle. He looked so different when he was actually smiling. He looked younger, more attractive too. It seemed forced though. He had seen something in me and immediately I worried that he could tell I wasnt from this world. No, that was stupid. It was a fantasy. I didnt need to worry about that. It looks good. Do you want a hand with that tray? he asked. I slid it off the bar, trying to hide how much my hands were trembling. No, Ive got it, thanks, I replied, quickly turning away from him. It was kind of terrifying to have someone actually see me like that. I was too used to people only seeing the facade, the person I was pretending to be, but it felt like Aaron had somehow seen that and could see me. I didnt like it. I pushed the fear aside, tightening my grip on the tray as I cross the diner towards the woman who had ordered the iced tea. I shot her a smile as I placed it on the table as started towards the group of boys who had been waiting for their cokes, passing Elsa who was recounting the order under her breath. They didnt look at me as I placed their drinks on the table and apologised for the delay but I could feel their eyes burning into my body as I walked away. I ducked behind the counter, avoiding Aaron, and slipped into the kitchen. If Harry and his asshole friends come here one more time, Im going to call the police, Sarah told me immediately, not even bothering to lower her voice. I grabbed a fry from the bowl in front of her. I know. I dont think theyd actually do anything, they just like to stare. We cant exactly kick them out just because they make us uncomfortable, right? I said, my voice sounding more like my own but my accent was vaguely American. I glanced up at the cook who dumped another serving of fries into the bowl and winked at me before turning back to her grill. Um, no. We absolutely can. If we tell Amy that they keep coming here and making all of the girls uncomfortable, shed do something about it. You know she has a zero creep policy, Sarah insisted, grabbing another fry even though they had only just come out of the fryer. Yeah, we can but I kind of feel bad. Is that weird? I asked. I did. They were harmless enough and they generally tipped pretty well, they just constantly stared at us and tried to look down our shirts. I was kind of used to that though. Yes! You live here. Do you really want them skulking around? Like, this is basically your front garden. I wouldnt want him in mine! I snorted. Its not quite that, I said. This is a diner, not my garden. If he were in my garden, Id call the police but if we kick out every asshole who makes us uncomfortable, wed have like no customers. Plus, they tip well. Sarah considered it for a minute. They do, I guess. Is it really worth it though? she asked. I laughed. Ill cover their table next time they come in, I offered. I love you, Sarah said, sounding relieved. Oh, wait. We should send Aaron out to deal with them! Hed definitely do it. I smiled but it felt forced. I almost wanted to tell her about Aaron calling me Beth earlier but I couldnt bring myself to do it. I wanted to know who Beth was, if she was someone who worked here before I joined, but I was worried. It was probably just a mistake. By the way Sarah started, her expression mischievous. I saw that you made him smile a minute ago. I dont think anyones ever managed it before, what happened? I felt my face flush. Nothing, really. Sarah sent me a doubting look. Okay, she said in a tone that told me she didnt believe me. Truly! I insisted. Alright, keep it to yourself for now. Are you coming to Ainsleys tonight? she asked. I opened my mouth to ask what was happening at Ainsleys before remembering. She was having another party. She always did. She was in our year but had been held back a couple of times. She threw the best parties though. I dont know how she managed it because she was only like nineteen but there was always so much booze there. Of course, I answered. Cool! Want me to swing by and pick you up? Jasons driving us there. That would be great, if he doesnt mind? Sarah rolled her eyes. He wont care, you know what hes like. I swear that boy is almost too nice, she said but her smile made it clear how much she loved him. Oi, the foods going cold, the cook, Hannah said, pointing at the plates under the warmer. Sarah pushed away from the counter, sending Hannah a playful pout before looking back at me. Aaron will be there tonight, by the way, she said blithely as she started towards the food. Worry started to edge into my stomach. He will? I asked. I wasnt sure if I wanted him to be there. There was something intriguing about him but I was a little scared. I didnt want to be around him too much, just in case he did know the truth about me. Oh yeah. He always goes to Ainsleys parties. Shes like one of his only friends. Sarah ducked out of the kitchen, her arms lined with plates, before I could ask her more about that. I was tempted to skip the party tonight, even though I knew it would be great, but I ignored that urge and pushed it aside easily. It would be fun, even if Aaron was there. I didnt even need to talk to him if I did see him there, I could just hang out with someone else and pretend that I hadnt seen him. It would be fine. Or, if he did come over and talk to me, I could just talk to him like a normal person. Wed spoken before and I was pretty sure I had seen him at one of Ainsleys parties in the past but the memories were hazy and drunken. I could just pretend as if nothing had changed. Nothing had changed. I was still the same person that I was before, pretty much. Id be fine. What are you going to do this morning? I heard my mom ask, her voice distant. I pulled myself out of the fantasy, getting a flash of dark roads passing the bus as I returned, and blinked. I had to swallow a couple of times to get rid of my mouthful of scone. Im not sure actually. I think I might just read. I downloaded a few books for the holiday, I said. My mom nodded and brushed the crumbs off herself before pushing her plate away. Are you going to go for another run or a swim? she asked. I considered it for a moment. No, not before lunch, I dont think. I dont want to have to shower and dry my hair, itll take too long. Fine, she said. You can always go when we get back anyway. Im going to empty out the fridge so that we can go to the supermarket on the way back. I smiled, relieved that wed have more edible food in the house and wouldnt have to rely on my grandparents food. I didnt like their distrust of use by dates. Do you need a hand? She eyed me suspiciously. No, I can manage it, she said. I nodded and took another bite. I felt a little bad leaving her to do everything but clearing out the fridge wasnt exactly a two-person job. Plus, it meant I could just pretend to read and slip back into my fantasies. Or maybe I would actually read. I did have some that I wanted to read. I finished my scone and stood, raining crumbs down onto the table, before scooping them onto my plate. Do you want me to put your plate in the dishwasher too? I asked. Yes, she said, her gaze on her book again but I could feel her looking at me as I walked across the kitchen. 2.7 Ive got a plan. Did you bring any actual books or just your phone? my mom asked, looking over the menu at me. Umm I started, trying to remember what I had packed in my bag. I had been mostly in my daydream whilst getting ready so I wasnt sure. My foot found my backpack under the table, lightly probing it as I tried to work out if I had brought a book. Yes? Mom continued to scrutinise me for a moment before sighing. What are you going to order? she asked. Mmmm, my eyes scanned the menu, a cheese toastie, I think. She nodded, looking at her menu too. I might join you, she said as a waitress approached the table. Can I get you two any drinks? she asked, her tone friendly and warm. An espresso, my mom said. The waitress noted it down and looked at me. Um, what syrups do you have? I asked. I can do caramel, hazelnut, honeycomb, rose, lavender, black forest, vanilla, Irish cream, peanut butter, gingerbread, although its the middle of summer so Im not sure how good that will be. What else? she paused and glanced towards the counter at the back of the cafe. Ah, amaretto, butterscotch, black forest, did I already say that one? Im sure we have more. I can go check if you want? No, its okay, I said quickly. Can I just get a honeycomb latte? Sure thing! she said, writing it quickly. Are you ready to order food? She looked questioningly between my mom and me. Yes. Wed like two cheese toasties, my mom said. Great! And would you like chips or salad with those? A salad, please, my mom decided. The waitress looked at me and I felt the urge to agree with mom my and order a salad as well but I didnt want that. Chips, please, I said with a smile. I felt my mom look at me sharply but I ignored it, focusing on handing the menu back to the waitress. She continued to stare at me as the waitress collected her menu and walked away. I could feel that a lecture was coming so I slipped into the fantasy as she opened her mouth. It was daytime again. I was no longer lying in bed, staring out the fake window of the bus. Instead, I was back on the stool, peddling distractedly as I stared at the iPad with my breakfast all but forgotten below it. I blinked and looked around. I had the feeling that I had been fully engrossed in whatever lesson I had been reading, the fundamentals of intelligence work, and had been staring at the screen for a while. I wasnt sure how much time had passed since theyd brought my breakfast around but I hurried to open the drawer on the right side and slipped my tray of half-eaten chocolate porridge into it. I was kind of tired still. I had the feeling that I hadnt slept much the night before in my fantasy. It made sense. It had been weird sleeping on the bus. Every so often we would turn a corner or go around a roundabout and I would roll and jolt awake, terrified I was about to crash onto the floor. The bed had raised edges so that I wouldnt fall out and it didnt lift far off the ground anyway but it still scared me every time. I think the concept of spending potentially a full day inside my room, staring at the iPad screen, was making me feel more tired too. It was too monotonous. I dreaded it and wished that I could walk outside and get some fresh air. The corners of my mouth ticked up and I started to reach out for that dizziness again. A gentle breeze touched my face and blew my curls back from my shoulder as I tugged the bright red door at the side of the cafe again. It always got stuck at this time of year and I was never sure why but the weather never helped. The grass path around the door turned muddy too easily so every time I tried to yank the door shut, I slid. It was even harder in heels. I could barely find enough purchase on the damp grass and I could feel them starting to sink into the mud as I groaned under my breath, the door getting stuck again. I shoved it open, putting all of my weight into the next heave. It slammed shut loudly and I winced, hoping that it wouldnt disturb any of the others who lived upstairs. I knew that it wouldnt though. We were too used to it by this point. Look at you! Sarah called from the car, rushing out to throw her arms around me. You look great! She clung on tightly, a tipsy giggle slipping out of her lips. Thanks, I said, glancing down at my dress and trying to hide my surprise. So do you. It was like nothing I would have worn in real life. The red dress was low-cut, tight too. It showed off way more skin than I would ever have but strangely, I didnt feel self-conscious. I was happy, confident. It felt weird but I liked it. Are you trying to impress someone? Sarah asked, wiggling her eyebrows at me as she dragged me back towards the beat-up car idling behind her at the edge of the car park. Its wheels were caked in mud and it was clearly well used but somehow I knew that the guy who hung out the window, grinning at us, loved it. Grace is trying to impress someone? he called. Whove you got your eye on? Jason, I remembered before correcting myself, Jace. Sarahs boyfriend. No one, I told him, fighting the urge to blush as I climbed into the back seat. Sarah giggled. If you say so, she said. Oh, wait! You should ask him if he wants a lift to the party! Who? Jason asked. Aaron! Sarah cried, not getting into the car yet. Aaron? Jason repeated, turning in his seat to look at me. Will you be quiet? I hissed at Sarah, feeling my cheeks heat up as I glanced around the parking lot. He could be somewhere there and hear them. Are you getting in? Sarah giggled again but luckily, she did lower her voice. No! You should go offer him a lift! I already did, I said quickly, reaching out the open door and grabbing her hand. Hes already gone. Sarah let me drag her into the car. Laughter echoed behind her and I quickly scanned the parking lot. It was empty but fog was rolling in from the lake, hiding the pier beyond it, so there could be someone there, waiting just out of sight. It had sounded like a girl laughing but Aaron could be there too. Maybe he was with her. That thought made jealousy rush through me but I knew that was stupid. I barely knew Aaron, I had no right to be jealous. He could spend time with another girl and do whatever he wanted with them, we werent dating. You did? she asked. So, you are into him? No, I said, unable to meet her gaze as I shuffled over the seats and did up the seatbelt. I just thought it made sense for me to ask if were both going to the same party. Sure, Sarah said doubtingly before reaching in between the seats in front of us and grabbing something. Want some? I looked down at the bottle she had picked up from the passenger seat as Jason started to drive. What is it? I asked, opening it and taking a sniff. I recoiled from the eye-watering scent and looked up at Sarah in shock. Sarahs surprise! she cried. Jasons eyes met mine in the mirror and he sent me a sympathetic look. I knew that hed drunk her concoctions many times before, I had too, and they were never good. It made me glad that Amys didnt serve alcohol because I knew that Sarah would want to work behind the bar if it did, despite technically only being seventeen like I was in this fantasy. It would be a recipe for a lawsuit. Her drinks were notoriously bad, even when she was supposedly following a recipe. Strong too. She normally just added a bunch of spirits and topped off the bottle with a dribble of whatever mixer she had around, making it horrifically strong and almost always disgusting. Even so, I took a sip from the bottle she had thrust at me. It burned my throat and I felt my body wanting to expel the poison I had just drunk. Its so good, right? she exclaimed as I looked up at her with watering eyes. Her tastebuds had to be broken. No, I said honestly, wiping under my eyes carefully to make sure my eyeliner didnt run. She looked at me, seeming genuinely surprised even though I told her it was bad every time. What? I think it tastes good! she insisted, reaching out and taking another swing of it. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. She didnt even wince. How? How can you possibly think that? I asked. She swallowed the drink, seemingly without any issues. Because it does! How can you think it doesnt? she demanded. I laughed, taking the drink back and having another much smaller sip. I love you, I told her. Thanks for bringing it. She beamed. Any time! I returned the smile, feeling glad that Id started working at Amys for many the millionth time. Not only did Amy let me live above the diner for free but it also meant that Id gotten to know Sarah and the others who worked there. Before that, I was fairly new to the area. My parents had moved there a few months before I turned sixteen and they hadnt stuck around for long afterwards. Sarah had been kind to me straight away, everyone there had. Im not sure if Amy told them what was going on or what but she had gone out of her way to make sure I was included in everything. She had brought me into her friendship group and now I had friends. I couldnt quite believe it but I was popular. So, Jason said. Youre into Aaron. Does that mean youre into quiet, older guys? Sarah giggled. Hes hardly older, hes only just turned eighteen! she insisted. Or is it more of a physical thing because I think Freddy kind of looks like him? They both have that chiselled kind of look. Oh, yeah! Jason said. Do you want me to set you up with him? Im pretty sure hes already into you, hes super obvious about it. I laughed, taking another swing of the drink and barely grimacing this time. No, its fine but thanks. Why not? Sarah asked. Are you still caught up on Bennett? He was such an asshole. The venom in her voice made me smile despite the twinge of sadness that I felt at the mention of my ex. She was right, he was an asshole. He cheated on me with not one but two other girls. They didnt even go to our school so it took me a while to find out. What a dick. No, no. Its not him, Im just not sure if Im into Freddy, you know? I said. I wasnt. He was hot, obviously, and I did like him but my mind kept straying back to Aaron. It shouldnt. He didnt date, everyone knew that. Only one way to find out, Sarah said with a wink. I laughed. Im not hooking up with him! I insisted, the words kind of shocking me even as they made her snort. I knew that was what she was getting at. She was terrible in the best way possible. Why not? she cried. Because Im not into him! Who cares? You might be if you give him a try! I dont want to, I said. That made her nod sagely. Fine but well find someone for you, wont we, Jace? she said, reaching past the headrest to squeeze his shoulder. Of course, he agreed. Either that or well find a way to set you and Aaron up. Im not into Aaron! I lied, dropping my head back against the seat as Sarah giggled. Okay, sure, she teased. Im not! Mmmhmmm. I sighed loudly and started to speak before being interrupted. Sorry about the long wait, the waitress said as she returned to us. One cheese toastie with chips, one with salad. Do you want any sauces or condiments? I blinked, nausea forcing its way up my throat as I snapped back into reality, and for a moment, I truly thought I was going to throw up. No, thank you, my mom said. The waitress looked at me but I couldnt open my mouth. If I did, I would have vomited. I shook my head at her, trying to smile as best I could, so as not to be rude. She returned the smile before walking away. I forced a tight breath out of my nose, my nausea slowly subsiding before disappearing. I couldnt fathom the idea of eating just yet so instead, I grabbed my coffee. I hadnt even noticed the tall glass mug arrive but, judging by how much was already gone from the cup, I had already started drinking it. I gripped the glass handle tightly as I lifted it to my nose and sniffed it. I had to fight to keep a straight face. It was so sweet, almost sickly, but my moms gaze was on my face. If I reacted in any way that wasnt positive, something told me that shed make a comment about the amount of sugar in the syrup and I just didnt want to deal with that. Steeling myself, I took a sip, It actually wasnt as sweet as it smelt. The initial taste was overwhelmingly honeycomb but then, it gave way to something less sweet. It wasnt quite as bitter as the other coffee drinks I had tried. It was actually quite nice. I took another sip before glancing up at my mom. How is it? she asked, a sharp edge to her words. Delicious, I replied with a smile. My moms lips twitched slightly, as if she wanted to purse them but gave up, and she looked away. She took a drink from her own coffee and lifted her book again. A smile came over my face as I slipped back into my fantasy. I was still on the bus, at the desk again. The iPad screen in front of me was covered in words, a page of a textbook on the screen, but I didnt have it in me to actually read. My eyes drifted back and forth lazily, not taking the words in, before I reached out for that dizziness without really even meaning to. Finish that off before we go in, Sarah instructed, thrusting the drink into my hands again, her eyes shiny and bright. Over her shoulder, I could see a house. Lights were flashing from inside and music floated towards us down the drive. People milled about outside, their steps unsteady, laughter echoing in the air. It brought a smile to my face. I felt strangely at ease with the concept of a party in this world. I lifted the bottle to my mouth without hesitating, downing the dregs of the cocktail. It actually didnt taste bad anymore. I wasn''t sure if it was just that we had managed to finish the bottle between us and I was feeling the effects or if I had been wrong before, but it really wasn''t bad. It was kind of nice actually. Yay! Sarah cheered, throwing the car door open. Lets go! I followed her, an easy smile coming over my face as we started up the grass-covered drive. There was a path somewhere, I was sure, but we werent taking it. Instead, we were going around the side of the house, towards the garden. But it felt strangely familiar. Id done this before, been here before. We always hung out in the garden at Ainsleys parties. I wasnt sure how I knew but I did. The garden was more fun. The music was quieter out there, we could talk. You made it! a voice called as we rounded the house. I barely got a chance to see what was happening in the garden before my view was blocked. A guy had rushed towards me and thrown his arms around my shoulders. I laughed, giggled really, hugging him back even though I could feel my heels slowly sinking into the grass. He smelt nice but there was a definite undertone of beer. Yeah, I said. Finally, the guy pulled back and grinned down at me. Can I get you a drink? he asked. Freddy, I realised slowly. The guy that Jason and Sarah had mentioned. He was the one they thought looked like Aaron and apparently, he was into me already. He was, I knew that, but he didnt look like Aaron. I mean, dont get me wrong. They both did have pretty chiselled jaws and cheekbones that jutted out but that was it. Aaron was all dark and shadows. Dark hair, bags under his eyes and a perpetual glare on his face but Freddy was the opposite. Light hair and a grin on his face so bright that it was like he was radiating happiness. He reminded me of a puppy. A golden retriever. Perfect and lovely but not what I wanted. But there was still something about him that appealed to me. I did like him, a lot. He was a good person, kind and friendly. It made me confused. Almost as confused as the way he was looking at me. I think that if I hadnt met Aaron, I wouldnt have felt so conflicted. I could have just liked Freddy without thoughts of Aaron overshadowing it. Yeah, that would be great, I replied. Although, I just finished one of Sarahs cocktails in the car so Oof, he said, a sympathetic smile on his face. Can I get you something to chase the taste away? Hey! Sarah cried, slapping his arm. It was delicious. Wasnt it delicious, Grace? They both looked at me and I saw Jason cover his mouth to hide his laughter. Yeah, I said, my tone utterly unconvincing. I mean it was certainly alcohol. Freddy and Jason burst into loud laughter, drawing the attention of the other people in the garden. Hey! Youre here! someone, Emily, called from where they were huddled near the table of alcohol. What do you lot want? I waited for someone to speak before realising they were looking at me. Not Sarah, not Jace or Freddy, me. They wanted me to answer first. That felt weird. It kind of took me by surprise. I wasnt used to being the person that people looked to in the group. I was the one who blended into the shadows, barely noticeable. The only people who ever paid me attention were Duncan and Phoebe. I loved it though. It made me stand up straighter, smile wider. What have you got? I asked, walking towards her. The others followed me and the group parted, making space for us. For me. Oh, everything. We have spirits, beer, umm, some stuff in unmarked bottles that I probably wouldnt drink but you can if you want to. What are you feeling? Emily asked, glancing back at me. I hesitated, not sure what the Grace from this world would like to drink or what she normally drank, before lifting one shoulder in a delicate shrug. Sarah, want to make us some drinks? I asked. Sarah gasped. Really? she asked, sounding thrilled. You mean it? Yeah, are you sure? Jason asked, earning himself a glare. I grinned at Sarah, liking how happy I had made her. I mean, why not? Because Emily started, glancing worriedly at Sarah who was already excitedly eyeing the drinks that had been left out. Actually, Sarah, will you make me a drink too? Sarah looked around at me, her grin so wide that it looked like it hurt. Do you want one too? she asked her boyfriend who was watching her adoringly. He deliberated for a moment before shrugging. That would be great. Make me something that tastes good, please, he requested, a begging note in his voice. And not too strong. Ive got to drive people home later so I can only have one weak drink. Okay! Sarah responded cheerfully. You must have a death wish, Freddy said, ducking his head towards me and speaking softly into my ear. Her drinks are brutal. I still remember the time I woke up on the school roof after starting the night with one of her cocktails. I laughed, turning towards him. That was funny, I told him, looking up at him. He was close to me, so close to me. That made butterflies take flight in my stomach. I hadnt ever been that close to a guy, not like this. I mean, this Grace had. Shed been closer, I had the flashes of memories to prove it, but I hadnt. I guess were in for a wild night, Freddy said softly, a warm smile on his face as Sarah bounded back over to us. Okay, I think that this one has technically curdled but all the bits are sinking to the bottom so you should be able to just drink it and leave the gross bits, she told us, thrusting plastic cups into our hands. I smiled at her worriedly and glanced down at the drink. It was red, for some reason, but also milky and with flecks of curdled milk swirled in the depths. My eyes darted towards Freddy, who stared at the drink with a nauseous expression on his face, before returning to Sarah. What did you Whats in this? I asked. Umm a lot of things. I started with lemonade and then there was this really nice cherry drink that was kind of sweet but also sour and then oh, I added Baileys! I think thats whats curdled, Sarah said, glancing back at the table full of bottles. I fought the urge to shudder. Why did you add Baileys? I asked. I didnt really drink Baileys in real life but Id tried a sip of it once and that was enough to convince me to never drink it again. I thought it would make it taste like a milkshake! And it does! Try some, Sarah prompted. She looked hopeful, so hopeful. I could tell just how much she enjoyed making drinks, how fun she found it and how much she wanted me to love the undoubtedly disgusting cocktail. I had to at least try it. I had to tell her it was delicious. My eyes darted to Freddys again and I shot him a helpless look which he returned. Together, we slowly lifted the cups to our mouths. I silently uttered a prayer to anyone who would listen before taking a sip. It wasnt as bad as I expected, probably because I expected it to be unpalatable, so bad it would make me want to vomit. However, I managed to swallow my mouthful, my eyes barely watering. I even heard Freddy swallow loudly beside me. Delicious, I lied. Sarahs face lit up and she bounded away from us. That was one of the worst things Ive ever drank, Freddy muttered to me, staring into the depths of his drink. Please dont tell me I need to finish it? I dont think I can do it. I could feel the curdles in my mouth. He glanced up at me, his expression desperate. He was waiting for me to tell him what to do. My eyes darted around the garden, taking in the small groups of people huddled around the space. Most people had been drawn towards the hot tub, which I would definitely be going in later whether I brought my swimming costume with me or not, but there were some just standing around. The back of the garden gave way to woods. We didnt have to go in there but no one was close. We could walk that way, dump our drinks there where no one would see. Come with me, I told him, turning away from the others who were now being handed equally questionable drinks. Ive got a plan. He followed me immediately, not even looking back at the others, and we started down the garden. Peoples gaze followed us as we walked, some smiling but others eyeing us jealously. It was such a strange experience but I was enjoying it. I loved the attention, more than I should probably. I felt like I could stand tall. I didnt need to stare at the ground, not wanting to meet peoples gaze or look away quickly. I could just be confident. And I was. I was so confident, so relaxed, right until my eyes fell on Aaron who stalked out of the woods. His gaze barely found mine before a scowl came over his face and he stalked past us, towards the house. So, are you still enjoying working at Amys? Freddy asked. 2.8 Magic didnt exist I swallowed the final bite of my toastie, still hearing the phantom throb of the music from the house party in my ears. I had to fight not to nod along with the music. I could still hear the loud bass even though it felt like I was completely back in reality. I could still feel my body moving wildly as I danced in time to the music, bodies crushed into the small room and a familiar hand on my hip. I picked at my chips. Part of me wanted to finish them all. They were delicious, the outside was perfectly fried and the inside was fluffy and delicious. I couldnt bring myself to do it though. I cared more about being back in the dream. The cafe felt too quiet. There was only the soft murmur of people around me, nothing more. I couldnt cope. Even the book I held with one hand wasnt enough to distract me. I liked the story, it was interesting and all, but I just kept feeling or hearing something from the other worlds and slipping back into them for a moment before realising that I was meant to be reading. I would come back and have to read the same line over and over again, barely even remembering what was happening. I think what made it tougher was that I did want to be in the dream, even though I felt a little bit bad about it. I felt weird being in a fantasy, daydreaming about being drunk and dancing with a cute guy, whilst sitting across from my mom in a quiet caf. I felt like I was like I shouldn''t be doing. If she knew what I was dreaming about, she would be scandalised and I would never hear the end of it. The other fantasy wasnt much better. The moment I thought about it, I was back on the bus. Harriet was on the screen in front of me but I stared at her face blankly. She was explaining something about the history of undercover operatives, in our country and others, notable ones, women who did great things and other things like that. Dont get me wrong, it was absolutely fascinating but I was gaining the knowledge anyway. Any time I returned to the world, I could feel it in my brain, just within reach. I didnt need to stay there in the small, suffocating cabin. A knock sounded from the door and I stood, my knees almost failing and sending me crashing to the ground. My hand shot out to brace myself against the wall and I shook my legs out, hoping that would help. I had been on the bus for too long and Id spent most of that time pedalling. It was starting to show. Well, I had started to feel it hours ago, a full day really, but it was getting worse. That made sense, I kept on pedalling so I wasnt giving myself any time to recover. Good afternoon, Grace, Ms Brice said with a smile, a tray in her hands, as I opened the door. How is your day going? Its good, thank you, I replied before quickly adding, how is your day going? Very well, thank you. Ive been overseeing some syllabus editing and helping to prepare everyone for your cohort. That made me pay attention. It was the most information she had volunteered since Id met her and I immediately wanted to know more. Oh, really? How is it going? I asked, hoping that would be enough to get more details. Its getting there, she said. Some of the information still needs to be finalised which makes it a little difficult but it should all be completed in time. At least everything is in place for the induction period which is much better than last year. Oh? Was last year bad? It was. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the syllabus for the induction wasnt completed until it was already well underway. Which, as you can assume, was stressful for a lot of the tutors, she said, shaking her head slightly. But, Im probably boring you. Ive got your lunch here. I took it, wanting to tell her that she wasnt boring me and that I wanted to hear more about the school and everything else, but I didnt know how to say it. I wanted to know more but mostly, I was enjoying not just being sat at the desk reading or watching something. Having someone to talk to was fantastic and I wasnt ready to give that up yet. Thank you, I said, taking the tray from her, feeling too awkward to say anything else. Youre welcome. You know the process by now, Im sure. Put your tray into the drawer once youre finished eating and call me if you would like something else to eat or need assistance. I nodded and placed the tray on my desk as the door shut softly again. I sunk onto the seat, starting to hook my feet into the pedals instinctively before stopping myself. I didnt need to keep pedalling. It was probably a horrible idea to keep going. I would be stiff and painful by the time I got to the school and I didnt want that. I wanted to be prepared, ready for whatever was coming. I lifted the cloche off the tray and stared at the pizza slices waiting for me. They took up the majority of the space and looked delicious. They smelt delicious too. I picked one up, sinking my teeth into it. The cheese was hot and stretched as I bit into it. The tomato sauce was rich and tangy. It was a delicious pizza, I knew it was, but I could barely taste it. I was getting restless just from spending a few minutes in this world. I already wanted to leave. I wanted to be outside, actually in the world, rather than being trapped in a box. I turned and glanced at the window behind me instinctively. The world outside still looked exactly the same as it had when wed left my house but then I shouldn''t have been surprised. The window wasn''t real, it was just a screen showing an endless loop of some random street somewhere. I could be anywhere. We could''ve been driving around in circles for the last day or however long I''d been on the bus. I really didn''t know. There was no way to tell the time, not really. My phone had run out of charge hours ago and there was no plug for me to use. There was a time on the iPad but there was no way of knowing if I could trust that. It could be any time. And I could be anywhere. That made me uneasy. I didn''t want to be on the bus any longer. In an instant, I was somewhere completely different. My head was thrown back and I was singing along to a song loudly. I didnt know the song, not in real life, but the words flowed out of my mouth easily. Freddy was next to me, in front of me, singing along too with a huge grin. One of his hands was on my waist, the other in the air, and his face was alight with joy. His eyes were unfocused but fixed on my mine. The song ended too soon and another one started up but my nose scrunched up. I didnt like this song. But that didnt matter, I had an idea. Freddy, I shouted over the noise, putting my hand on his arm. Do you want to go in the hot tub? His smile stretched even wider. Yes! he cried. Awesome, I replied. Where did Sarah and Jace go? I was too short to see over the crowd but Freddy wasnt. He looked around for a moment before pointing towards the back of the room. I see them! Lead the way, I told him. His hand slipped into mine and he began pulling me through the dancing crowd. A laugh tumbled out of my mouth as we weaved around people. I was happy, so happy. It was such a fun night and I was having a great time. Freddys hand felt so nice in mine and I couldnt help but grip it tightly. Maybe I was into Freddy. I was having too much fun with him. It felt easy, light. And I knew he liked me. That made things so much better. I didnt need to worry about him looking at me weirdly or glaring at me or maybe knowing where I was from. We could just have fun. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I did like him too. That helped. He was so kind and nice and handsome. It made me want to like him, you know? People like that deserve only good things and I wanted to be a good thing. I wanted to be something that made him happy. Freddy stopped and I walked directly into his back, a giggle slipping out of my lips. Were going in the hot tub, want to come? I heard him say to Sarah and Jace and I peeked around Freddy to grin at them. Yes! Sarah cried. Lets go! She started towards the door, dragging Jason behind her, and we followed. I could feel the smile that split my face. It was wide, unashamedly so. I didnt care about not showing my teeth or how much I squinted when I smiled, I just did it. Finally, we burst out of the doors, staggering slightly on the grass as we made our way towards the hot tub that bubbled nearby. Steam drifted lazily off it and a deep longing settled in my stomach. I wanted to sink into it and never get out. The sheer strength of that desire took me by surprise. I didnt really love hot tubs, not in real life. I hadnt been in them very often but I didnt get them. I mean, you just sit in a bath with other people, unable to really talk or hear each other. Why would that be a good thing? Plus, I always felt self-conscious in them and that always made me want to get out quicker. I would never actively choose to go in one at a party, surrounded by people I knew. But, here, that didnt matter. I barely even thought about it as I moved steadily closer. I had the smallest flutter of uncertainty but it disappeared quickly, being overpowered by my desire to be in the water. The two people in the hot tub spotted us as we moved closer and began to get out immediately. Are you lot coming in here now? Jenny called once we were nearly there. She waited for our answer, standing by the steps poised and ready to climb out. Water dripped from her tanned body into the tub below and a mostly empty plastic cup was clasped in her hand. Alfie stood behind her, waiting to hear what I was going to say. Yeah, but you dont need to leave! I said, almost tripping on the uneven grass. It was soggy near the hot tub which made it even harder but Freddys hand tightened on mine, keeping me upright, and I sent him a grateful look. No, no, its okay. We were planning on getting out now anyway, Jenny said, quickly climbing out and draining her cup. I need another drink anyway. It felt like an excuse, something I would do in real life, but I didnt say anything. I just let them leave, feeling only a little bit bad about it. Help me with my zip? I heard Sarah say to Jace and I turned just in time to see him undoing her dress. She shimmied out of it, dropping it on the nearby table and not seeming to care about the puddles of drink on it. She wasnt wearing a bikini, just her bra and pants, but she climbed into the hot tub without hesitation. Jace immediately pulled his top over his head and started to unbutton his jeans, stripping until he was just in his boxers before joining her in the water. I wasnt really sure what to do. In reality, Id think of an excuse. Do something so that I didnt have to climb into the hot tub in just my bra and pants because I was pretty sure that I was not wearing a swimming costume under my dress. I wasnt actually sure what I was wearing but it didnt feel like the right material from what I could tell. But it was too enticing. It was too tempting and I just didnt care enough about how many people were milling about the garden and would see me in my underwear. I reached for my hem and started to pull the dress over my head, causing Sarah to wolf whistle loudly. Look at that body, she called loudly and I laughed. Youre one to talk! I shot back, dropping my clothes on hers and quickly glancing down at what I was wearing. My eyes widened. I would have never worn the bra or pants in real life, that was my first thought. The bra was lacy, push up too which made me look like I had a much better body than I really did, and the pants were barely there. Somehow though, I barely felt any nervousness as I walked around the hot tub to the steps, kicked off my heels and climbed in. The water was almost scaldingly hot but I loved it. A shiver of happiness went through me and I turned back towards Freddy as the hot water lapped at my thighs, realising that he hadnt moved. He was staring at me with wide eyes, drinking in my body. Normally, that would have made me self-conscious but I smiled, watching him for a moment before cocking my head. Are you joining us? I asked him. He blinked, as if coming out of a stupor, an adorable flush coming over his cheeks as he quickly stripped. It was my turn to stare. He had a great body and his boxers rode low on his hips, showing off almost too much skin. I wasnt complaining though, quite the opposite. I started to sit down as he climbed the steps into the tub, the warm water embracing my body, and making sure to leave space beside me for him to sit there, if he wanted. What are your plans for the rest of the day? my mom asked, ripping me out of the fantasy with nausea-inducing speed. The smile dropped from my face as my stomach clenched. I hadnt even been aware that I was grinning in real life until she brought me back and now, I was wracked with queasiness. Im not sure, I said, my hands gripping my book so hard I was worried that I was going to rip the pages. I might go for a swim when we get back. She nodded, barely even looking away from her book to glance at me. Thats a good idea after such a heavy lunch, she said. Are you almost ready to go? I hesitated. I had finished eating and my cup was empty, I had no real reason to stay, but if I went, it meant I would miss time in the fantasy. It moved differently there, much quicker. I might miss the rest of the party whilst just walking to the car. It would be too weird to stay in the cafe though. I wasnt close enough to the end of my book either to say that I wanted to stay until I finished it. I couldnt think of any other excuse. The best I could do was leave quickly, then I could get back to the fantasy as soon as we got to the car. Yeah, Im ready to go now actually! I said, closing my book and slipping it into my bag. I looked up at her expectantly. I wasnt really sure what she would do, whether she would leave now or make a point to stay a little longer, just to show that she was in control. To my surprise, she folded the corner of the page she was on and finished her coffee. She fumbled around in her handbag for a moment before pulling out her purse. She made a point to make eye contact with the waitress before placing a banknote on the table for her. Shall we? she asked, putting her purse and her book back into her oversized handbag. I wasnt sure what else she had in there, not really, but it was huge. It seemed like she always had whatever she needed in it, like it was magic or something. I knew it wasnt though, obviously. Magic didnt exist. It was just a huge bag and she was a hoarder. We snaked through the restaurant towards the door. We had just gotten outside when my mom looked around at the shop next to the cafe. I need to get some more cigarettes, she said, starting towards it. You can get some more snacks or something, if you want. Her tone was dismissive but I didnt care. She didnt normally offer for me to get snacks and the ones in this shop were always great so I was pretty happy. For some reason, that random shop in a tiny town in Scotland had a huge collection of American candy. I had no clue why or who was even buying it apart from me but I was thrilled about it. I followed her into the shop, a grin on my face as I went straight to the second last aisle, my eyes scanning the candy on display. There were so many options. Nerds, Airheads, Jolly Ranchers, Laffy Taffy and even more. I didnt know where to start. Normally, I was more restrained but this time, I just grabbed a bunch. I barely read what they were, my eyes only lightly scanning the ingredients to check if they were vegetarian before bundling them into my arms. Grace? I heard my mom call from the front of the shop and I paused, a bag of crisps in my hands. I hesitated, still not sure if I did want the Takis or not. It said their flavour was just wild and I had no clue what to make of that. They looked spicy though. That was enough to interest me. Not that I particularly liked spicy food, on the whole, it was just spicy crisps. For some reason, I loved them. Yes? I called back. Are you almost ready? I glanced at the rest of the candy reluctantly before turning my back on it and walking towards her. Anxiety started to build in my stomach as I approached the front of the shop. She was going to tell me off. She was definitely going to say something about the sheer amount of junk food I was cradling. I didnt want to hear it but I also wanted everything I had selected. Nervously, I exited the aisle and looked at her. She was waiting, her lips pursed and her eyes took in my very full arms. I expected her to say something rude but, to my surprise, she laughed. She shook her head and rolled her eyes playfully at the cashier. Alright, bring that all up here for Sharna to scan, she told me. That made her reaction make more sense. She must know the cashier or, judging by how young the girl looked, probably her parents. I smiled at Sharna as I dropped the many packets onto the counter for her to start scanning and stepped back. I waited silently for her to be done, fighting the urge to disappear back into the fantasy. Did you want a bag? Sharna asked eventually, her accent thick. My mom eyed the pile of snacks before nodding. That would be great, please. Sharna grabbed a plastic bag from under the counter and started loading everything in before pushing it towards my mom slightly. That will be forty-seven, twenty-eight, she said and I fought the urge to wince. Cash or card? I knew that shed bought cigarettes too but Id had spent almost fifty pounds on snacks. It was too much. My mom didnt react at all though. She simply said, Card. I waited whilst she typed in her PIN in and removed the card before looking back at me. I tried to smile at her but I knew it was more of a grimace. Great! Do you need a receipt? Sharna asked. No, thank you. Grab your snacks then, Grace, my mom told me and I rushed to do so. Make sure to tell your mom Amanda says hi! I will, Sharna said with a smile as we left the shop. I waited worriedly for her to say something as we crossed the car park towards the car but it wasnt until we were seated inside and she had turned on the engine that she finally did. Youre not to eat that all at once and its the only junk food Im getting you this summer, she told me with a stern look. Okay, I replied, reaching out for my fantasy without hesitation. 2.9 The fog will get in. The towel underneath me scratched at my butt uncomfortably and, for a moment, I was confused. I looked around, taking in the world outside my window. I recognise the town that we were driving through, in a hazy and uncertain way. I have been there before. No, it was more than that. In my dream, I lived there. I had done for over a year now. Irritation tinged with disappointment washed through me as I realised that we had left the party. The entire evening, the time spent in the hot tub, was over. I could remember it, obviously, but it wasn''t the same. The flirty, suggestive comments made to Freddy, the many more drinks, the endless laughter that had spilt from my mouth, all over. I had missed it because I had been too distracted by reality and the bag of snacks which now sat at my feet. I let out a frustrated say and slumped back in my seat, ignoring the look from Freddy as Sarah giggled from the passenger seat. Oh, I love this song! she cried, her words heavily slurred, before starting to sing along to the music on the radio. She was so drunk, her words warbled and tone unsteady, that I didnt even know what she was singing. It was enough to break me out of my sulk though and I laughed, enjoying Sarahs joy. I glanced through the gap in the seats at her, watching as she sang happily before realising that she was dressed just in her bra and pants. A towel had been wrapped around her but shed forgotten about it, letting it fall open. With a jolt, I realised that I was almost naked too. Wed clearly decided that it wasnt getting dressed again after climbing out of the hot tub. A towel, one of the ones that Jace had started keeping in his boot after we began regularly using the hot tub at Ainsleys parties, was wrapped around me loosely but it showed too much of my chest. I tried to pull it higher, aware of how much skin was showing through the lace of my bra. It didnt really help though. The towel wasnt big enough and I had to decide between showing off more of my leg if I pulled it up or more of my chest if I left it how it was. I really didnt know what the better option was. Both made me feel self-conscious. But my movement had made Freddy look at me again. His eyes dipped to my chest for just a moment before a blush touched his cheeks and he looked away quickly. I bit my lip, trying not to smile at how cute his reaction was. Normally, I didnt like people looking at me like that but I liked Freddy so I didnt mind. More than that, I actually liked it. Hed seen me in my underwear before though, I could remember going in the hot tub with him, Sarah, Jace and a couple of others but maybe this was different. It felt different. Now, it was just the four of us. It felt more intimate. Id been flirting with Freddy more this time too, I knew I had. All thoughts of Aaron had left my mind and I was just falling more and more for Freddy. He was so nice, so cute too. And he had a great body and he was so kind. Maybe I was just drunk but I wanted to be with him. I wanted to kiss him. My face flushed and I glanced at him, grateful that he wasnt looking at me, as we pulled into the car park outside Amys. The fog that had been just covering the lake beyond had begun reaching into the car park. Ghostly fingers stretched out over the spaces, curling whitely. I shivered instinctively, knowing that the world outside was going to be a lot colder than the car and I wasnt prepared. I wanted to stay inside where I was warm and cosy instead of venturing out where it was muddy and horrible. Jace pulled the car to a stop as close to the side door as he could get without driving across the grass and glanced back at me. Are you going to be able to get in okay? he asked me. Yeah, should be fine, I replied, hearing my voice slur a little. I grabbed my dress from the seat between me and Freddy, hearing the jingle of my keys as I picked it up. Umm I started, looking up at him. I didnt know what else to say though. I wanted to say more, say all of the things I was thinking about him, but I couldnt with Jace and Sarah there. Although, I had said worse in front of Sarah before, I could remember that much. It wouldnt be the first time Id drunkenly confessed my feelings to someone in front of her, thats how I got together with my ex. Can I walk you to your door? Freddy asked, sounding strangely nervous. I glanced towards the bright red door before looking back at it. It was really muddy out, creepy too with the fog. I was used to it though, fog generally rolled in off the lake this time of year. It had gotten worse a couple of weeks back and it would keep getting worse. I didnt remember it being that bad last year but everyone else had assured me that it was normal. No, its okay, I said, seeing how worried he looked. I can make it. Freddy smiled at me but I saw Jace look confused. Are you sure? It looks pretty muddy out there and youre in heels, he said. Yeah, Freddy, you should help her! Sarah cried, her voice so loud. I dont want her to fall! Freddy looked at me uncertainly, waiting for my answer. I wasnt sure what to say. I didnt want him to have to go out in the fog if he didnt want to or was scared of it. I understood that. There was something unsettling about it but it was probably just fog in general that was unnerving. Do you mind? I asked him. Of course not! he replied, reaching for the door handle. He raced around to my side before I could even get out, holding his hand out to me to help keep me steady. I took it, enjoying how it felt in mine, my other hand clutching my dress against my towel to keep it shut. He held my hand tightly as we started across the mud towards the door and, after I almost slipped a couple of times, I was really glad. Even if I hadnt slipped, I would have been glad. I just liked holding his hand. It was so large, it engulfed my hand completely. We reached the door without saying anything and I stopped, finally letting go of him to fumble around in the bundle of my dress for the keys. I found them after what felt like too long and turned back towards Freddy. He hadnt gotten dressed after the hot tub earlier so he was just in his boxers, a towel wrapped around his waist. It was so foggy that I could barely see the car from where we were. It felt like it was just the two of us, alone in the world. Freddy licked his lips, preparing to say something. Um Tonight was fun, he said. I smiled looking up at him. I knew that I was standing too close to him but I liked it. It was, I replied. He smiled and the silence between us stretched out. It was a little awkward and I didnt know what to say. I couldnt do anything other than look up at him. He was so close, I could easily just reach up and kiss him. I felt my chin start to lift and I could almost hear my mom talking to me in reality but I let my lips move, answering her without paying attention to what either of us was saying. Grace, I I had a really nice time tonight, Freddy said, his voice low and slightly husky. I did too, I started to say before laughter drifted towards us. It was so loud, so clear. There was more than one person there, maybe even a whole party. They sounded like they were having so much fun. Voices, unclear but followed by laughter rung out in the night, coming from the direction of the lake. I tried not to get distracted by them, to focus on Freddys face so close to mine but it was hard. The voices and laughter made me want to walk towards them, to find out what was happening there. I almost did it. I almost stepped away from Freddy, who was looking at me so intently, and walked towards the lake but I stopped myself. I blinked hard and looked back at Freddy. I should get back to the car, he said after a moment. Ill see you at school on Monday? Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Disappointment flashed in my stomach but I forced myself to smile up at him. Sounds great, Ill see you then, I said, turning towards the door and shoving the key in. I almost missed the lock but I just about managed to get it right. Shoving the door hard with my shoulder, and making sure not to drop my towel or my clothes on the muddy ground outside, it opened. The noise of swollen wood struggling against the solid frame filled the air for a moment, making me wince, but I stumbled into the corridor beyond. The light in there was blinding. I let go of the door, throwing a hand up to shield my eyes as I blinked quickly to try and make my eyes adjust. I heard Jaces car start up again and I turned, lifting my hand away from my face to wave at them, but they couldnt see me. The fog had filled the space between us, making his car little more than a brighter glow in the distance. Even so, I stood and watched, leaning against the door, as the light slowly faded. Once I couldnt distinguish it from the whiteish glow of the fog, I turned back towards the corridor. Fog had started to find its way in somehow. I noticed it as I started to shut the door, the wisps reaching in towards me, but then I heard something that stopped me. Another laugh floated towards me and I knew that it was coming from the lake. I wasnt sure how it was reaching me, it wasnt particularly close to the door, but I could hear it so clearly. I could almost make out voices. The longer I stood there listening, the clearer they got. Come in and join us, I heard a girl shout, followed by giggles and splashing water. Im not going in there. Dont you know the lake has leeches? a boy replied. His tone was lighthearted, teasing. He didnt believe that there were actually leeches in there, I could tell, he just wanted to mess with whoever was in the water. It has the desired effects though. Screams echoed through the air, water splashing as people rushed out of the lake, away from the apparent leeches. A laugh echoed through the air towards me, deep and melodic. It made me want to join them at the water, to hear that laugh again. Grace, I heard my mom say but I barely listened to whatever followed. I felt myself nodding, moving out of the car and towards the house but it was automatic. I was too enthralled by the voices I was hearing. They were familiar. I wasnt sure how but I knew them. It was strange though. It wasnt like I knew them from this world. I recognised the voices but I couldnt exactly place where I had heard them before. Something deep within me responded to them and a smile lit my face. I was happy, I liked those people, even if I didnt remember who they were or how I knew them. Aaron, youre such an asshole! the first voice, the girl, shrieked. Aaron was there, I knew it. That made me hesitate though. I wanted to go see him, to get to know him better and just spend time with him but something was stopping me. I think it was fear. He saw straight through me. That was terrifying and it made part of me want to completely avoid him but I didnt really want that. I felt conflicted, torn between too many options and I wanted to do all of them. Grace? Aarons voice sounded sharply but I didnt recognise it. It was too close to me and I was expecting the humour-filled happy voice that had reached out through the fog, full of teasing, not the scratchy harsh tone. I jumped, my head whipping around to start at him. I didnt recognise him. He looked so different, so old. Hed grown his hair out longer than I was used to and his expression was too worried, too intense. And he was looking at me like he didnt recognise me. Grace, he repeated, stepping closer. What are you doing out here? I jolted. Somehow I''d been so out of it that I didnt even realise he was saying my name. Oh, yeah. Hey. I just got back from the party. What are you doing in here? I asked, flustered. I wanted to ask him how he was inside when just a moment ago Id heard him out by the lake. Was it possible that he had squeezed past me as I stood in the doorway? It was the only way in and out of the bit leading to our rooms. I had no clue how hed done it. I was just coming down for a smoke, he said, lifting the cigarette packet in his hand. Why are you standing in the doorway? Are you not cold? There was something to his tone, an edge to it that I didnt understand or recognise. No, its not too bad, I said truthfully, having not even noticed the cold, before looking down and realising that I was still in just a towel with my clothes clutched to my chest. Oh. Goosebumps had broken out on my skin too. I could see them on my chest and arms. I must have been cold but I couldnt feel it and I realised suddenly that I had no clue how long Id been standing there. You should go upstairs. Warm up, he suggested, not moving any closer to me. I wanted him to though. I wanted him to step close to me and wrap his arms around me like hed done so many times in the past. No, he hadnt. Hed never hugged me before or as much as looked at me for longer than absolutely necessary. The conversation we were currently having might even be the longest one that wed ever had. Yeah, probably, I said, feeling confused and unnerved. I started to step towards him, moving away from the door and further into the bright corridor before pausing and looking down at my feet. I was still wearing my heels but they were caked in dried mud. It was flaking off, leaving specks of it all over the black and white tile floor. I glanced up at Aaron who was still watching me with that undecipherable expression, before looking back at my feet. I wasn''t sure what to do. I didn''t want to make a mess and track mud all over the floor but then I didn''t want to bend down and take my heels off because I was scared of accidentally flashing him if I did that. A flare of boldness shot through me and I realised that I just didnt care. He was just a boy, it didnt matter if he saw a little bit more of my skin than Id expected. Plus, he wouldnt care. He was still caught up on someone. I couldnt remember their name. Whoever hed been with out on the lake, I guessed. I leaned against the door heavily as I slipped my heels off, shivering as my bare feet touched the ice-cold floor. I hesitated before tucking them just to the side of the door, under the table where they put our mail. They wouldnt be in anyones way there and I could grab them tomorrow before I started work in the morning. I straightened, realising that Aaron was still watching me, and cocked my head to the side. What? I asked finally. He blinked, as if hed been deep in thought, a smile pulling at his lips. It looked fake though. Grace, a voice said. Not Aarons. Someone elses. I pulled myself out of the world, feeling like I was swimming through treacle to get out. Even my lungs were straining from the effort. Yeah? I asked, turning to look at my mom. Even that moment sent me stumbling, dizziness rocking me. The hallway spun around me and I fell into the nearest wall, the plastic bag in my hand thumping into it. I was so glad that I was almost at the stairs and that the wall wasnt far because I knew that if I had been even a few steps back, I would have fallen to the floor. I didnt even want to think about what would have happened if I had been going up the stairs. Ive booked a table for tonight. Well be going out at seven, she said, not even looking up from her phone to look at me. I was glad. Sweat slicked my forehead and I tightened my grip on the plastic bag as white spots exploded in my vision. Sounds great, I muttered, not even able to ask where we were going. Make sure you give yourself enough time to dry your hair properly, she told me. Okay, I managed to just about say. I barely saw her stride down the hall, my vision tunnelling and blocking almost everything from sight. I was able to stay standing until I heard the scrape of a chair on the hard kitchen floor, the sound distant and foggy to my ears, before collapsing onto the step. I dropped the bag, letting my head fall forwards until it hit my knees, the moment almost sending me into the floor. I sucked in as deep breaths as I could manage, tears pricking my eyes. I wasnt sure why they were building and threatening to fall but I was too distracted by the rhythmic rushing noise that was drowning out everything else to think about it. Slowly and gradually they both faded until, finally, I felt strong enough to sit up slightly. I did it slowly, bracing my hands on my knees and waiting to see if I was going to fall, but thankfully, I was able to sit up fully. My vision cleared gradually, slowly returning to normal. My body hurt though. My chest ached and my legs shook as I carefully pushed myself upwards, pulling the bag of snacks with me. The stairs were difficult. It took me too long to make my way up them and I had to clutch at the bannister as I did, terrified the whole time that I was going to fall down. I was pretty sure that my mom would call an ambulance if I did but I just didnt want to put up with the hassle it would cause. I couldnt imagine how my mom would cope with that. If I got blood on the floor or stained it somehow, she would never hear the end of it and that meant I wouldnt either. Relief washed through me when I finally reached the top and only had the flat corridor to manage. My feet dragged along the carpet as I slowly made my way along it, falling heavily against my door. I dropped the bag as soon as I was inside, shoving the door shut behind me and making my way towards my bed where I collapsed immediately. Pain shot through me, seeming to ricochet against my ribs, but I ignored it. It was dumb, especially after how much pain I had just felt and was still feeling, but I pushed my way back towards the fantasy. I saw just a brief flash of the bus before I was back to staring at Aaron again. I was closer to him now, having started to make my way down the corridor, and I blinked the slight dizziness away as I passed him. Good night, I told him. Night, he responded. I continued towards the stairs at the end of the corridor, feeling his eyes still on me. Turning to look at him, I paused. He was watching me, his eyebrows drawn together and an expression close to worry on his face. What? I asked self-consciously but he shook his head and looked away. Make sure to keep the windows closed, he blurted after a moment before smiling at me ruefully. The, umm, the fog will get in. I felt my features scrunch up with confusion. It was a weird thing to say and he looked like he regretted the words the moment he said them. Yeah I will, I said, smiling at him politely as I continued up the stairs. The door slammed shut below me and I couldnt help but continue to play his words over and over again in my head as I climbed the stairs up to my apartment on the third floor. It was a weird thing to say. I mean, surely it didnt matter at all if fog got into my room? I was more worried about the cold. Now that I was moving again, Id started to shake. My hands trembled so hard that I could barely get the keys in the lock. I felt weirdly sober again. I wasnt sure what had happened or when it had happened but I felt as though I hadnt even drunk anything as I stepped into my familiar apartment, making my way through it towards the bathroom. I washed my makeup off, slipping out of my dry clothes and pulling on some pyjamas before glancing at the shower. I knew that I probably should shower before bed. Id been in the jacuzzi and I wouldnt want to do it before work in the morning but I was just too lazy and exhausted. The allure of sleep was too strong. I settled for setting an earlier alarm, giving myself an extra half hour in the morning, before falling into bed and pulling the duvet up around me. 2.10 There was an incident last year. I slowly slipped out of that world as I fell asleep, hesitating in the fantasy before it for just a moment. Somehow, I was still sitting at the desk. My butt was numb and I was bored. There was only so much reading, cycling and watching videos that I could do. I wasnt even really there but I could feel how bored I was the moment I returned to it. It was making me restless. I wanted to stand up, stop pedalling and pull my door open. I wasnt even sure if I could do that. It felt like the door would most likely be locked, just based on how much effort they were putting into stopping me from knowing anything about where I was going. Part of me wanted to stand up and check. I eyed the door handle. There was no lock visible, not on my side at least, but that didnt necessarily mean anything. There could easily be one hidden or just on the outside. I didnt even remember what the outside of the door looked like. There could have been a lock there. Or the bus was so high-tech, it was probably hidden. It was probably controlled by a single button that Ms Brice could push from the front of the bus. A knock came from the door as I eyed it and I jumped, guilt racing through me. There was a moment, a small moment where I was sure that they somehow knew what I was thinking, that they were coming to tell me off for it. I pushed myself out of my chair quickly, my heart pounding in my ears, even though I knew that it was silly. I glanced at my screen, making sure that something appropriate was still on it, but thankfully it still showed a map of the world with flashing dots all over it. That made sense, I realised. I had been learning about the history of international undercover operatives before I started fantasising about ripping the door open and running to freedom. That was it. I felt like I was in prison. It felt like I had been locked up and the worst thing was, I had come willingly. I had been cautious at first, of course, but then I had seen the school and realised that there was no point in fighting because my mom wanted me to go and they were from the government so theyd be able to force me. Id wanted to go with Ms Brice and Mr Parner. I hadnt even really hesitated. Come in, I called, my voice a little shaky. I sounded guilty. I had nothing to be guilty about, not really, but I sounded it. Good evening, Grace, Ms Brice said as the door opened. How are you doing? Im good, thank you, I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. How are you? Im alright, thank you. I have your dinner right here. She held out the silver tray towards me and I took it, a hint of desperation washing through me. I needed the conversation to continue. I couldnt be trapped inside without anyone to talk to. I needed more. How is everything going out there? I asked quickly, trying to remember what shed mentioned earlier. How is the syllabus editing going? Ms Brices smile widened and I knew that Id asked a good question. Its going okay, she said but her tone was a little weary. Every year we run into the same problems, regardless of the tutors. Theres always one or two who are arguing for something that is not at all appropriate. I mean, this year we have two. Hannah wants your cohort to work with live ammunition within the induction period and Charlie is arguing against some of the safety precautions that were insisting on. Its as if he doesnt know where the rules came from and why. She sighed heavily and shook her head. Which rules is he arguing against? I asked, desperate to know more. Ms Brices shrewd eyes watched me carefully as she decided how much information to tell me. I wanted it all but I knew that she wouldnt be willing to give it to me. He thinks that some of the rules weve put in place are unnecessary. He doesnt believe that this cohort needs to be prevented from being near some of the various plants that we have in our greenhouse until you understand the risk and thinks that it might make you all soft, she said the word with contempt but I knew that it wasnt directed at me but at Charlie. Why cant we go near some of the plants? She considered it for a moment. Theyre dangerous. A lot of plants that are native to Britain and fairly easy to cultivate contain dangerous neurotoxins. They dont all need to be ingested to poison people either, which is what I have been trying to explain to him. I mean, hes the botanist so he knows but he just doesnt care. There was an incident last year which I wont bore you with the details of but he should know better now, she sighed. My mind raced as I tried to work out what she wasnt saying. I mean, I knew very little about plants and next to nothing about neurotoxins which, judging by the name alone, sounded bad. The incident must have been a bad one for new rules to be introduced and for our cohort not to be allowed near the plants now, right? Could someone have died? I mean, neurotoxins sounded scary but could they be deadly? I wasnt sure. Surely if someone had died, the tutor would be more understanding and more willing to prevent us from going near the plants that could kill us right? I really didnt know. But, enough of that. Theres one more thing that I wanted to tell you before leaving you to enjoy your food, she said. Oh? I asked, suddenly realising that I was still holding the tray and forcing myself to put it onto my desk. It smelt good but I was too engrossed in what Ms Brice was about to say to me. Weve had to take a slight unexpected detour, nothings wrong but it means that we will be arriving at the academy a little later than expected, she said. I really am sorry. I know that its been a long journey already but youll be able to get into your dorms, go shower and get some fresh air in the courtyard as soon as you get there. Ive pushed back the beginning of the induction to give you all a bit of a chance to relax and not just be on this bus so youll have a full day once we get there to do whatever you want. I nodded, considering her words. I wanted to ask more questions, to find out what happened, but the allure of a shower and being outside is too strong. When will we get there? I asked too quickly before realising that I had more questions. And is everything okay? Why do we have to take a detour? There was another pause and I could tell that Ms Brice was working out how much to tell me again. I waited impatiently for her to finish thinking and actually say something. We should be there by the morning, most likely around ten or eleven but that depends on the detour and how long it takes us. Unfortunately, there are some unexpected roadworks that have shut down one of the roads so we had to have the GSOD find us another safe route which took a while and its not an optimal journey, Ms Brice said with a roll of her eyes which instinctively made my lips pull upwards into a smile. Whats the GSOD? I asked, the name sounding strange. Id never heard of it before and I couldnt work out what it could possibly mean. Ah, that is part of the academy. Its the more technical side of things. They organise the logistics of missions, transport, keeping an eye on operatives whilst theyre in the field and that kind of thing, she explained. It stands for the Global Security Operations Department. I know, its not the most inventive of names. I nodded, my mind still racing. Now that shed explained it, it sounded slightly familiar. I was pretty sure that there was actually a module on the iPad about it. Id need to study it once she left because I immediately wanted to know more about what they do and how. It sounded fascinating. I wanted to know more about missions and how they kept an eye on people whilst they were in the field. That sounds interesting, I said genuinely. It is, Ms Brice said, sounding happy. I spent a good few years in the GSOD. Every officer gets trained in there and learns how to do everything but later you will all get the opportunity to decide where youd like to be based. I spent a good few years in the field before focusing on the technical side of things. Oh, really? Yes, its a very interesting place to work. No two days are the same. It involves a lot of research and creative problem which can make things pretty fun, she said before seeming to remember something. Weve been informed that there is an outdoor space a little while away where we can stop, if necessary. Are you feeling restless because we do have time for you to get some fresh air? Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! Yes! I said, a little bit too quickly before adding, Please. Ms Brice smiled before nodding. Fantastic. Have your dinner and feel free to continue studying because we wont be there for a little while but I will come and fetch you once we are, she said before stepping back a little, further into the corridor. Feel free to call me if you need anything before then. Thanks, I said, letting the door shut. Im not sure if it was just because I was listening out for it that time but I did hear the gentle thud of the door locking. It almost didnt matter to me though because I knew that soon, I would be able to go outside and in the morning, I would be there. At the academy. Where I would learn to be a spy. Excitement burnt through me before dying quickly. I knew that I was going to be so busy, so distracted by everything there that I probably wouldnt have the time or inclination to go back to the other world where I was popular and where there was something kind of weird thing happening with Aaron that I couldnt work out but I wanted to. It felt like there was so much that I didnt know, in this world and the other, but I wanted to know. I needed to start where I could, by finding out more about the GSOD and then I could go back to the other dream, the world with Amys diner and Aaron, and I could find out more there. That was the best option. I sunk into my seat slowly, closing the lesson that I had open and scanning the screen for the lesson about the GSOD. I found it before long and needed to repress the groan of irritation that built in my throat. It was locked. Apparently, I needed to read the information before it. There were two classes that I needed to complete before I could get to the one about the GSOD. The first one seemed to be about technological advances within the security and intelligence industry and the second focused on career paths within the department. I had to fight the desire to let my head slump forwards against the iPad as frustration built within me. Dont get me wrong, I did want to know about both of those things. I was fascinated by the concept of a future within the academy and even the technological advances sounded kind of interesting but I just wanted to know about the GSOD. Everything had been interesting so far, it had, but this was the first time it was about something less information dense. I mean, it was something more relevant. Id be actually going into the GSOD or visiting, I wasnt really sure, the rest were more like abstract concepts or information that Id need to know but would never actually use. Like algebra. That time, I was unable to suppress the sigh that slipped from my lips. It was soft, luckily. It probably wouldnt even get picked up by the cameras and microphones that I had a feeling were hidden in the room. I didnt like to think about it too much or too seriously though because I knew that, if I did, Id get creeped out. I mean, I had spent the last two days or however long locked inside the room. Id slept there, eaten there, gone to the toilet there. I hated to think that someone had been watching me the entire time. That made me queasy. I forced myself to take a deep breath, the scent of the food in front of me tickling my senses, and focused on the iPad again. It was fine. Id already been here for two days and Id already made my way through what felt like countless modules. I could manage a couple more. I didnt even really need to be there, I could go into the other world or stay in reality. That was fine, I could manage that. Even just thinking that made me uncomfortable. I didn''t want to stay in reality, I didn''t want to spend my day doing nothing. I was going to go for a swim and then go out for dinner with my mom. What was I meant to do, just be alone with my thoughts? That made my stomach clench and pulled me back to reality where I was still lying face down on my bed. I knew that I needed to get up and do something. I needed to go for a swim and not just spend the whole day in bed, like I wanted to. My body still hurt and that made me feel pathetic. I wasnt even sure why it hurt, I hadnt done anything but it felt like Id run for far too long or fallen badly or something. I had no clue what it was but I was in pain. Something started to pull at me though. A suspicion or worry. I knew that it was irrelevant or stupid or something but I couldnt help but think that it had something to do with my fantasies. My daydreams. I mean, I had felt fine until I had been pulled out of it by my mom. I had been fine in the car, I hadnt been in pain or anything like that so I just couldnt think of anything else that it could be. But what if it was something else? What if I was ill? Could I have had a stroke or something? I mean, that happened to Phoebes uncle and shed said that he couldnt really stand and was really dizzy and stuff so what if it had happened to me? I knew that I was young which made it unlikely but not impossible. That terrified me. I sat up suddenly, throwing myself off the bed. I was still in a bit of pain but it wasnt bad. It was more like the echo of pain rather than the searing pain that Id felt before. It was still worrying but I could stand up straight. I didnt have any dizziness and, when I moved about, the pain lessened. So maybe it wasnt that. Maybe Id just been really tensing my body before or something. That happened sometimes when I was really anxious and I didnt always notice until it hurt my muscles. It could have been that. I was still worried though. I knew that I should probably talk to a doctor or someone about it but I just couldnt. Id have to explain to them about the daydreaming and fantasising and everything which would be horrifying enough but then they might also ask stuff about my home life and Mom and I didnt want to deal with that. Even just considering it made my cheeks burn. Plus, Id need to ask my mom to book the appointment because I didnt know where any doctors were around my grandparents place and shed ask questions. Shed want to know why I needed to speak to a doctor and maybe even insist on sitting in the appointment with me, just to make sure that I didnt speak poorly of her. It wouldnt be the first time. I knew that I wouldnt be able to bring myself to talk about anything with my mom there though. Shed react so badly and then Id have to put up with her mocking and snide comments pretty much endlessly from then on. Shed constantly tease me about the daydreaming and issues it causes, or worse. She would get annoyed at me for it. I could almost already hear her asking me what was so bad about my life that I felt the need to dive into other worlds and fantasies to get away. I wouldnt have an answer for that because it was her. Not just her, of course. I mean, there were other things that made me want to be anywhere else like how lonely I was and how endlessly trapped inside my own head I felt, but it was mostly her. She wouldnt react well to that, I already knew. But then what? I just had to keep dealing with it forever? Maybe not forever but for now. What if there was a way around it, a way that I could deal with it? I mean, it only really seemed to happen when I was in a fantasy. Not quite that but when I was pulled out of it unexpectedly. That had to be relevant, it had to be linked. Was there any way around that? What if I was more careful? If I kept more of an eye on the real world when I was around people? Or I could just not let myself get pulled back to it so quickly. I mean, I could exist in most situations on autopilot, just letting myself act without really thinking about it. Could I just do that more and then slowly come out of it? That made more sense, right? I know it sounds stupid. The obvious solution, the most obvious, was to just stop. Give up on fantasising and never even try to go to another world or daydream or whatever it was, but that concept was unbearable. I couldnt be trapped in reality forever. Id go mad or run away or hurt myself or something. I needed the escape. I needed to be able to not be here. I nodded, realising that I was pacing and coming to a stop. Id just be smarter about it. Plan when to escape into the fantasies and make sure that I came out of them slowly so that I didnt get as hurt as I did before. That made sense. I could manage that. A small smile grew on my face as I nodded to myself. It sounded like a good plan. That time, when I moved, there was almost no pain. I was able to bend down and grab a swimsuit, a bikini now that my grandparents were gone, out of my suitcase without even wincing. My body ached as I shrugged out of my clothes but it wasnt a sharp pain. It was manageable, barely even noticeable. I could cope with that. The pain got better as I started getting changed and, by the time I was dressed in just my bikini, I couldnt feel it at all. I hesitated as I opened the door to my room, my towel wrapped loosely around my shoulders to protect me from the surprisingly cold air, and listened out for my mom. I couldnt hear anything though. The corridor outside was silent and there was no noise coming from her room. She must still be in the kitchen where she had gone when we got back. Id need to walk through it to get to the pool. Lifting my chin high and holding my towel carefully, I stepped out into the hall. The carpet was scratchy under my bare feet but I didnt mind. It felt kind of nice. Somehow, it was helping distract me enough to stop me from even wanting to go to the fantasy where I could feel myself eating dinner, a surprisingly good vegetable lasagne, and pedalling as I read more. Id wait until I got to the pool, that made the most sense. Then, I wouldnt need to risk being pulled out of the fantasy if my mom wanted to talk to me as I passed. She probably wouldnt, she generally just ignored me. I reached the bottom of the stairs and started along the corridor towards the kitchen, the floor chill against my feet. It made goosebumps break out on my skin but they were forgotten when my phone buzzed. I lifted it, a smile pulling at my lips as I read the message from Phoebe. Successfully managed to order lunch without the waiter looking baffled or speaking to me in English. That feels like a win, right? shed written. Oh yeah, thats great! Youre going to be fluent by the time you get back, I typed quickly. The dots immediately appeared at the bottom of the screen, telling me that she was already replying. I wouldnt go that far but I reckon that Ill be able to pass maybe half the tests we get next year. How is it there? Thats pretty good. Maybe if your parents send you there over half term and Christmas, youll be able to pass them all? I typed before adding, Not too bad. Bout to go swimming. Please dont suggest that to my mom. She would in an instant. Im jealous! Have fun! Phoebe wrote. I would never. Thanks! Did you not eat any of that candy? my mom demanded and I froze before turning towards her. I had been too distracted by texting Phoebe that I had barely noticed that Id entered the kitchen. Um, no, I said after a pause where I had to think about it. Id spent too much time in the other world but I was pretty sure I hadnt. My moms critical gaze took me in and I realised that towel I had wrapped around my shoulders had come over. I pulled it tighter around me, feeling uncomfortable. Youve lost weight. It was a statement, not a question or anything, but I knew that she was waiting for me to thank her for noticing. She made too many comments about her body and other peoples and I knew that she saw losing weight as a compliment but I didnt. Not really. I mean, I was torn. I did a little but also I didnt mind my body. I was awkwardly shaped, that was for sure, but I didnt hate it like she clearly did. I didnt feel the need to lose weight. I felt the urge to tell her that, the words rising up in my throat but I stuffed them down, choosing instead to thank her. Thank you, I said, my words flat and not even sounding genuine to my own ears. Her lips ticked up into a smile and she glanced away, looking at her book again. I stood there awkwardly for a moment before turning away. I was almost out of the room when she spoke again. Be careful not to lose too much more weight. Youre already too boney and youll end up looking like a boy. I didnt bother replying to that. 2.11 What are you doing here? I started to climb into the pool quickly, feeling the water lap at my body. It was cold but nowhere near as cold as it had been the other day. It was almost warm. Not quite but almost. That surprised me. I knew that the pool had a heater but my grandparents refused to turn it on, claiming that they never had a heated pool when they were younger and they turned out fine so I didn''t need one either. I always forgot to turn it on myself but it was definitely warmer than before. Did that mean that my mom had turned it on? That didnt sound right but the thought made me feel a confusing mix of emotions. If she did, that meant that shed actually thought about me and my comfort which didnt feel normal. Maybe shed done it to prove a point or something so that, later, she could tell me that I didnt see just how much she did for me or something. Or maybe she realised that her parents never turned it on for her and she wanted to be better than them. That had motivated her to do stuff like that before. I wasnt sure what it was but I was glad, I think. I was also worried about what it might mean or how she might act later and torn between whether or not I should thank her. I mean, if I did and her reasoning was to be better than her parents, it would be a bad thing. She would get annoyed and think that I was saying that she never normally did something like that for me or thought of me which therefore meant that I was calling her a bad mom. I wasnt, obviously, but her mind jumped there a lot and quickly. But then if shed done it to prove a point to me about how great a mom she was, shed be annoyed if I didnt thank her. There was no winning. Id play it by ear, I decided. See what happens and go from there. That would be the best thing to do. The only thing to do really. Irritation flared through me, followed by confusion. It had come out of nowhere. I wasnt annoyed at my mom, thats how she acted normally. I was used to it. But then, why was I annoyed? I ignored it, pushing it aside as I climbed further into the pool, already reaching for the usual dizziness. It sucked me in quickly and, in a blink, I was on the bus, staring at a screen. My jaw was moving and it took me just a second to realise that I was eating still. I hadnt been out of the fantasy for long so I still had half of the vegetable lasagne on my tray. It was good. The tomato sauce was rich and filled with vegetables, the white sauce creamy and delicious and the pasta sheets were cooked to perfection. Everything tasted better now that I knew Id be able to go outside soon. I felt less trapped, even though I knew that the door to my room was locked. I was literally locked in but it felt like there was an end. Freedom was almost within reach. My eyes finished scanning the screen in front of me and I clicked onto the next page as knowledge flooded my mind. I had been learning about tech within the intelligence industry but I hadnt gotten far into the lesson. So far, I hadnt learnt much more than that it would control basically every aspect of my life whilst Im on assignments or in the field. We had software, specially designed for the Academy, that we used to report pretty much everything back to them. And, in all fairness to them, it was pretty cool. It was designed to look like a game. It basically was a game really but, with it, we could report what wed been doing, where we had been, people that wed seen and anything suspicious that was worth noting. It was a life simulator game. We could make our avatars look like us, or not if we wanted, and we could just live out our day, skipping through things when necessary, and adding in other characters, clicking specific and subtle buttons to flag certain things as worrying or noteworthy so that the GSOD could get reports of everything that was going on with us, without it looking suspicious. I mean, most kids like to play games on their phones and there were so many simulator games out there that it didnt raise any red flags or seem weird that we would have it. Apparently, other kids, ones who werent even spies like us, used it too. It was brilliant. We could contact the GSOD using other methods too, obviously. There were emergency phone numbers which wed apparently have to memorise as part of our training, websites we could go on, numbers to text, basically everything. That made me feel a bit better. There were so many systems in place to keep us safe. Another flare of irritation washed through me making me pause, my fork hovering in the air before my mouth. Why was I getting annoyed? There was nothing in that world that was irritating me. I was even enjoying learning about the game and tech but I was irritated. Maybe it was because I was still stuck inside? Maybe I just thought I was feeling better but I wasnt in reality? I mentally swatted at that emotion, pushing it aside and trying to focus on the screen before me. A video waited for me to press play and I did so, finally eating the forkful of lasagne. The video started and I felt my interest levels rise as I stared at a loading screen for the app. The information gathered by the LSA, or life simulation app, is relayed to those inside the GSOD, a pleasant male voiceover told me. Here, you can see an example of how this looks to a GSOD officer. The image changed and the screen split in half. On one side, it still showed the app but now, it had finished loading. The avatar of a teenage girl, the face a little bit fake and terrifying looking, lounged on the bed, her phone out and in her hand. As I watched, she stood up, stretched and walked out of her room. She reached the front door of her house before a menu popped up, asking her where she wanted to go. Periodically, but also specifically before each assignment, the app is updated so it is a continuous process for all and therefore, it does not arise as much suspicion. Before each mission, certain areas are unlocked or created. For the person in the example, they are stationed in London. As it is a common destination, it has already been created and, as you can see, they have chosen to go to Hyde Park, near the Lancaster Gate underground station, the voiceover told me as the screen changed. On the right side of the screen, which had previously been mostly blank, data started to come in. The persons name appeared in the top corner, their current location and the location theyd chosen beneath that. In the other corner, it showed something which the screen informed me was the mission or assignment code. The side showing the game loaded, placing the person outside the tube station. They started walking along the street, crossing the road and coming to a black metal gate before long. Some options appeared on the screen and they chose to enter the park. Before they started the day in the game, they were asked to set the time. Using this and footage from the security cameras that we have access to, we are able to estimate how busy the park was at the time they entered it as well as the weather. This makes it slightly more realistic for the officer playing the game but also easier for us to understand the exact situation that they are in. I watched, ignoring the faint flicker of irritation, as the person chose to have their avatar walk slowly into the park. The pace was painful and it was horrifically busy. People pushed past them, dressed in thin summer dresses and shorts, but they kept their pace casual and slow. Too slow. I fought to keep myself from poking the screen and trying to find a way to fast forwards or speed them up. I knew that it would make me seem impatient, which I was, but I didnt want them to know that. I had a horrible feeling that someone was watching me and monitoring my progress. It would probably be noted down if I did skip past anything and I could only assume that it would be seen as a bad thing. I gripped my cutlery harder, the edges cutting into my hands, and took another bite of my food. I tried to pay more attention to it as I ate, hoping that it would distract me enough to stop me from feeling so agitated but it didnt. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. I couldnt help the irritated groan that forced its way out of my lips as the person joined the queue for a drink. Thankfully, however, the game gave them the option to skip through it, asking how long they had spent waiting and they did. The in-game time changed too, which was noted on the data screen. Finally, they were walking again but their pace was still too slow. It was painful, unbearable. Another wave of annoyance washed through me but, this time, I was pulled into another world. I rolled over, irritation forcing a growl out through my gritted teeth as I stared at my clock in the dark. The red glowing numbers told me that it was almost five in the morning but I could still hear them outside. Laughters, voices and shouts kept finding their way up to me even though I had the window shut. It had been happening ever since I had gotten into bed and it took me a minute to realise that it was probably why I had been so annoyed in the other worlds. It had been seeping through, infecting me and souring my mood. That thought made surprise break through my irritation for just a moment but it was quickly replaced with annoyance as another shriek found my ears. I rolled over again, huffing loudly, as if that would help. I couldnt help it. I had work in just a few hours and I was planning on getting up early to shower. I needed to get some sleep but it seemed unlikely that it would ever happen because the people outside were still being so horrifically loud. It sounded like they were right below my window but Id opened it, like, an hour ago and peered out. It was too foggy, even though the sun was just starting to rise. I couldnt see them but I assumed that they were still in the lake because I could hear splashing sporadically. Aaron! I heard the girl scream. She sounded happy and not even drunk. That would have made the noise easier to deal with. Well, not easier but I would have understood it more. I mean, if they were drinking then at least I could blame whatever they were doing and how annoying they were being on that but without it, they had no excuse. I clenched my hands into fists as laughter found its way into my room once more. It was getting to be ridiculous. Well, no. It was ridiculous an hour ago. Now, it was unacceptable. I mean, I had my window shut, my phone playing an episode of some old show that Id watched a million times, and yet I could still hear them as clearly as if they were in my room with me. There was literally nothing more that I could do and that made me want to storm out of my apartment, find the group outside in the fog and shout at them until they shut up. I knew that it was an impulsive thought and a bad idea but I wanted to do it so badly. Aaron was there though. I knew that he was and that was one of the things that was stopping me. I mean, I wasnt sure how I felt about him but I knew that he probably wouldnt love it if I went outside and shouted at him and his friends. No, that felt stupid. They were being ridiculous. I couldnt just let them get away with keeping me up all night just because there was something about Aaron that was so I didnt even know how to finish that thought. I wasn''t sure what it was about Aaron that made me keep thinking about him. He was cute, sure, but I needed to put that out of my mind. I mean, something had happened with Freddy that evening. I was into him. I needed to push all thoughts of Aaron out of my mind because clearly nothing was going to happen with him anyway. But, I still did want something to happen with him. Kind of. I was drawn to him and I couldnt help but think that he was the person that I should be with, as ridiculous as that sounded. I mean, I was basically still a kid, I shouldnt be thinking that kind of stupid thing and yet I was. I tried to take a deep breath, forcing my body to relax and my hands to unclench. For a moment, a glorious moment, there was no noise other than the episode playing on my phone. I felt some of the tension starting to leave my body as I closed my eyes again. Sleep started to reach out to me, making my mind feel quiet and blissful. A sigh slipped out of my lips and I started to fade out of that world as I fell asleep. But I should have known that it was too good to be true. A shrill scream tore through the air, ruining my chances of sleeping. I couldnt help it this time. Id had enough. I was furious and I desperately needed to sleep. Why were those people shouting and making so much noise? The lake wasnt that close to the diner so they must have been being so so loud for it to reach me. That made me so much more annoyed. It was stupid, rude and inconsiderate. They should be better than that. I continued to fume as I threw my duvet back and started to climb out of bed. I stomped over to my door, tearing the fluffy robe off the back of it and pulling it around me. I didnt even bother with shoes, despite knowing how horrifically muddy it was outside. I didnt care. The thought briefly crossed my mind my I shoved it aside. I just wanted to get outside and shout at them as soon as possible. I didnt even know what I would say to them. I mean, I barely had any coherent thoughts, it was just anger and frustration. I grabbed my keys from the table by the door and pulled it open, storming down the hallway. The lights turn on as I near them, triggered by my movement and almost blinding me. It added to my anger and I raced down the stairs. The handle of the front door was cold in my grasp and tendrils of fog reached out towards me from under the door but I barely paid any attention to it as I pulled the door open. Or at least, I tried to. It was stiff and stuck in the frame but I put all of my weight into it. My bare feet slid across the floor but I managed to get it open and stepped out into the cold. It shouldnt have been cold. It was the middle of summer, but it wasnt even five in the morning and I was dressed in nothing more than a robe, a t-shirt and shorts. I pulled the bathrobe around me tighter, hoping to stave off the cold, and looked around. It was starting to get light out but the sun hadn''t managed to burn the fog away just yet. I could only see a metre or so in each direction. I started to edge forwards, my feet sinking into the mud, and looked down. It had covered my entire foot and I knew that Id made a stupid mistake but then more noise floated towards me through the fog and I narrowed my eyes. They were listening to music. Some stupid song from like four or five years ago. I could still hear their voices over it though. Suddenly, I didnt care about the mud or that I couldnt see anything through the fog, because fury was filling me again and pushing all other thoughts out of my head. I started in the direction of the noise, trying not to fall on the slippery mud. It was hard and a couple of times I almost did but I managed to keep my balance. I was fuelled by anger and that made me not even think about what a stupid decision I was making. The ground steadily got less muddy as I moved closer to the source of the noise, picking my way across the stones that littered the sparse grass. The voices were so clear, so close, but I still couldnt see anything. My vision was a white-tinged blur. I could just about see something dark in the distance in front of me. That must be the lake. It was further away than I expected and that made me nervous. Maybe I was wrong and it was actually closer, I just couldnt see it. I might walk right into it and make a fool of myself in front of Aaron and all of the other people I was on my way to tell off. That would be so embarrassing. Gradually, as I got closer to the darker blur, the fog cleared ever so slightly. Confusion washed through me, dimming my anger. I still couldnt see the group but there was something there just in front of me. My stomach fluttered as I slowed and stared at the thing in front of me. It looked wrong. I wasnt sure what it was about the rotting pier in front of me, which was missing several planks and had no sides, but it looked wrong. There was someone sitting on it too. Topless and shrouded in fog, sat Aaron. His name tumbled from my lips before I could stop it. Aaron? I waited but he didnt respond. The noise around me had stopped, I couldnt hear any music or any voices. I could only hear my own breathing. I stepped forwards, towards the pier. I really didnt want to stand on the wooden planks. I didnt trust that theyd be able to hold my weight at all but Aaron had clearly found his way along it so I could too. Hed been with the group, Id heard them shouting his name, so I had to tell him how inconsiderate hed been. He deserved to hear it. My reasoning was flat and didnt even feel convincing to me but still, I took a deep breath and edged my foot onto the first plank. The wood felt damp and slick with condensation but it held my weight. I still didnt trust it though. I moved forwards slowly and carefully until I was standing right behind Aaron. He didnt look up. His eyes were fixed on the black lake before us. He stared unblinkingly, seemingly unaware of my presence. I didnt know what to do. I didnt want to speak again and break the silence of the world. It felt too fragile. Like, if I were to say a single word, it might shatter into a million pieces. But then I couldnt just stand behind him until he turned and looked at me. That felt too creepy. I settled for sinking onto the pier beside him, hugging my knees for warmth. What are you doing here? he snapped, not looking away from the lake. I wanted to say something, a witty retort or something, but nothing came to mind. A laugh echoed from somewhere further out into the water and my eyes searched for the source but I couldnt find them through the fog. I heard voices. Laughter and music. It was keeping me awake. I tried to inject some of the anger I had been feeling into my voice but it came out barely more than a whisper. My anger had dissipated, being carried away by the fog and replaced by the feeling that something was amiss. Something was horrifically wrong but I didnt know what and I couldnt move. The only thing I could do was grip my legs tightly. Aaron finally blinked and looked away from the water, staring at me with pure horror. You can hear them too? 2.12 Thats the problem. I didnt do enough. It felt like the water around me in real life turned cold. I could feel my body still moving in the pool but a shudder ripped through me. I didnt understand what he meant. Why would I not be able to hear them? They were so close. What do you mean? Of course, I can. You lot were really loud tonight, I told him. Whats even going on out here? A party or something? Aaron looked away from me but not before I saw pain cross his expression. Another laugh echoed across the water from somewhere nearby and I turned to look at it. Aaron didnt move though. Theyre not here, he said, his voice little more than a whisper. Confusion washed through me. I didnt get what he meant. I could hear them, of course they were there. Where are they then? Are they further along? I cant see anything through this fog. It felt dangerous to be out in the fog. I could only see a few steps in front of me, surely someone could slip and fall into the water without even seeing it. The fog was creeping towards us across the lake, thin fingers reaching out and settling on my skin. I could feel it like it was a physical entity. It wrapped around my robe-covered shoulders, pulling me downwards like a heavy duvet, but it wasnt cold or anything. It was strangely warm and comforting. It made me want to sleep even as goosebumps crept along my skin. You need to leave, Beth. Its not too late, you can go, he begged, turning to me and staring at me desperately. Irritation flared within me. Not only had he and his friends kept me awake for the entire evening but now he was calling me by the wrong name and trying to make me leave. He didnt want me there. He didnt want me to spend time with him and his friends and he didnt even bother using my real name. Somehow that was irritating me more than anything else. Thats not my name. Why do you keep calling me that? I demanded. His shoulders sagged in clear relief which only confused me more. Of course not, he breathed. Youre Grace. You should go, Grace. I felt my eyebrows pull together as concern started to mix with my confusion. Why do you keep calling me that? I asked before hesitating. Are you okay? He looked genuinely relieved that I didn''t answer to the name Beth. He knew my real name too, he had corrected himself immediately. There had to be more to it than a simple mistake. Was it something mental health related? Was he having a hallucination or something? I couldnt leave him near the lake if he was, he could get confused and fall in and drown or something. Another laugh reached through the fog towards us and a chill stroked my spine possessively. There was something wrong with that laugh. It sounded wrong. I wasnt sure how but it did. It was too high pitched, shrill almost. The person laughing sounded panicked. Aaron laced his hands into his hair, his eyes squeezed shut as he pulled his head down into himself. His knuckles were almost as white as the fog around us as he forced his palms against his ears. It must have been hurting him, how tightly he was squeezing but he didnt move. You need to leave, he begged me. I couldnt though. Fear had started to build within me and I looked around. Fog had gathered behind us. It was a dense wall that blocked the diner and car park from sight. I couldnt see anything through it. It muffled the sound, I couldnt even hear the ever-present hum of the generators. You could always hear that outside the diner, they were always running. Something was very, very wrong. Aaron, I asked, turning towards him. Whats going on? Where is everyone? A shout split the air and all laughter stopped suddenly. I sat up straight, staring in the direction of the noise but I couldnt see anything. My eyes searched the wall of fog but there was no movement. There was nothing, I couldnt see them. We need to help them, I said, looking at Aaron. He didnt move. His hands were clutching his ears, his eyes clenched shut. He wasnt listening to me. But I needed his help. If something was going on, whatever it was, it would be better if I had someone else to help me deal with it. He was bigger and stronger than me too, hed be useful. Unless he was involved somehow. No, I couldnt think like that and I couldnt let us hesitate any longer. I grabbed the arm that was closest to me and began trying to pull it away from his ear. Aaron, I cried as I struggled against him. We need to help. He fought against my attempts, trying not to listen to me, but eventually, he gave up. He let me pull his hand away and the other one fell to his lap limply. He opened his eyes, staring across the dark water with an entirely blank expression. We cant, he said in a hoarse tone. Its too late. He turned to look at me slowly and I gasped, releasing my grip on his arm. I couldnt do anything but stare into his eyes, unable to look away as I started to shuffle backwards away from him as far as the small pier would let me. My hand hit the edge and I clutched it. His eyes, previously so bright and handsome, had been completely overtaken by an inky black that reflected my own horrified face back at me. Whats happening? I whispered. What have you done? I dont know where the question came from but it was very clear that he was involved. I wasnt sure how but he had to be. I didnt do anything, he said, his voice cracking and barely able to spit the words out. Thats the problem. I didnt do enough. A scream tore across the lake, the noise blood-curdling and full of fear. I looked in that direction before looking back at Aaron. He wasnt making any sense but I needed to act. We have to do something, I told him as I stood quickly and peered across the water, being careful not to fully turn my back on him as I searched for the source of the scream, just in case. Its too late, Aaron whispered, causing me to look at him as tears spilt down his cheeks and his gaze settled on something in the distance. Shes already dead. My head whipped around again and I looked for the thing that he was staring at. The fog had finally cleared just enough to reveal a churning shape in the middle of the lake. I stared at it, unable to move as a trembling started in my hands. Help! the girl in the middle of the seething water screamed and I finally caught sight of a blonde head above the water for just a moment before it slipped under again. I didnt hesitate. Not that time. I threw myself forwards without even thinking, diving towards the barely visible girl in the centre of the lake. I just had to help her. The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. No! I heard Aaron scream from behind me but it was too late. I had already hit the water. It was so cold, too cold. It stole the air from my lungs and immediately sapped the strength from my muscled but I kicked hard, dragging myself towards the drowning girl. The water clung to my limbs, as thick as porridge, refusing to let me cut through. I was a good swimmer, even in this world. It shouldnt have been so hard but still, I fought on. In both worlds, I pushed myself to swim harder, to move towards the girl. The splashing of my frantic strokes was barely audible over the girls screams which seemed to echo inside my brain. I needed to get to her. I was consumed by the need to keep her alive. It forced me to keep swimming. I couldnt just let her die, I refused to allow that to happen. But the water was thick, too thick. It drained my strength and pulled at my robe, which I really should have taken off before I jumped into the water, trying to pull me into its murky depths. The other girl was struggling too. Her strength was failing her, I could tell. Her struggles were less energetic, her shouts more gurgling. She was drowning and I was still so far away. It felt like I hadnt gotten any closer. I wasnt sure how long I had been swimming but I should have reached her by now. My body was exhausted. I was sleep deprived, exhausted and drained. Even just staying afloat was causing me too much energy but I had to keep trying. I forced myself to stare at the struggling girl, whose head was thrashing around much slower, ignoring the water that splashed at my face and stung my eyes. Grace! a voice shouted from behind me but I barely even heard it. I needed to reach her. I needed to save her. I had to. But I was so tired. Please! Come back, that same voice pleaded. It was familiar but it felt like I hadnt heard it in a longer time. It didnt matter. I just needed to reach the drowning girl before it was too late. Finally, I got to her, my eyelids dropping with exhaustion. I reached out, ready to wrap my arms around her and help keep her head above the water, but my hands slipped through the girl and I fell forwards. Icy water slapped my face and clung to me hard, briefly waking me up. I didnt understand. I should have been able to touch her. I tried again but nothing happened. My hands slid through her and she didnt even react. Hey! I tried to shout but it came out as more of a whisper. She still didnt react. It was like she couldnt see or hear me but I was so close to her. Why didnt she hear me? Finally, another noise reached through the fog towards me. More splashing. I looked up, my eyes falling on someone who was swimming towards us frantically. They were moving too much for me to see who there were or to recognise any of their features so I looked away, staring back at the flailing girl. She was moving so much, she should have hit me but nothing was happening. I couldnt feel anything other than the faint touch of water against my skin, coaxing me towards the depths. Beth! the person swimming towards us screamed. That was the voice I had heard before, the one that I almost recognised, but it was too late. The girl had almost completely stopped struggling. She was barely moving. I hadnt saved her. Beth! he screamed again. Beth, please! He was close enough that I could see his face as he stared in horror at the drowning girl who I could not save. His brown hair was short, plastered to his face, and water dripped from his sharp jaw into the lake. His pupils were huge, almost taking over his entire iris. I knew him. Why arent you helping? he demanded as he wrestled with Beth desperately, trying to pull her into his arms and get her head above water. Her head lulled back, her blonde hair clinging to her face like seaweed. She was motionless and so was I. My hands moved every so often, just enough to keep me afloat. The boy looked terrified but something in me was soothed by his presence. It felt wrong, I shouldve been more scared. Why are you just watching? Help me get her to the shore! he screamed. I jolted. He was talking to me, I realised far too slowly. I started to paddle clumsily towards him, my arms sluggish and barely even moving. Water hit my face again and I cringed back from it, trying to avoid the coldness. It didnt work. I bobbed lower into the water, having to spit it out when I came up again. The voice tore through the air again. Grace! it screamed this time but I was still looking at the boy. His lips hadnt moved and the sound had come from behind me. I tried to turn around, my eyes closing heavily to stop water from getting in them as I dipped under the surface again. My eyes didnt want to open when I found my way up again. I had to force them to do so, with great difficulty. Aaron swam towards me, his expression filled with pain and fear, but he was still so far away. Why did I come back? I heard someone whisper and I turned again. The boy who held Beth was staring at Aaron, horror etched into his face. Realisation slowly dripped into my mind. He was Aaron. The boy who clutched Beth was Aaron. He was younger, it was years ago. Before whatever had happened that made him so closed off, so reluctant to talk to others. You shouldnt have come, he said but I wasnt sure if he was talking to me or the older Aaron who was paddling desperately towards me. I could hear him still. He was too far away and he didnt seem to be getting any closer. The younger Aaron stared at him for a moment before his eyes found my face again. They searched my expression, grief clouding his features. Why did you come? he asked, the words dripping with heartbreak. Dont you know you always die here? He was talking to me. My mouth dropped open and washed rushed in. I gulped, my throat spasming to try and expel the water but it couldnt do enough. I tried to speak, I tried to cough, but nothing worked. Razor-sharp fear speared my mind as I stared at the younger Aaron. He stared straight back at me as he struggled to keep Beth in his arms. The movements made her head lull back, the hair falling from her face and revealing her features. My eyes roamed her face slowly, the movement weary. There was something about her that looked familiar but it hurt to look at her for too long. Everything in me screamed to look away, my eyes begged to shut, but I wouldnt let them. It took every ounce of the fight I had left within me to keep staring at her. Beth! a scream sounded again but I wasnt sure where it came from. Grace! they shouted again. My eyes found the younger Aaron again but his face swam in and out of focus. Please, he begged softly. Please fight. I didnt understand what he meant though. Why would I fight? What could I fight? Why would I even want to fight when I could just sleep? It seemed so tempting. The water was lovely and warm. It caressed my face gently and hugged me tightly. I never wanted it to let go. Please! he wept, tears falling down his face and mixing with the water. You have to! Please, this cant happen again. I need it to stop. He broke off with a sob, unable to continue, but it didnt matter anymore. Clarity had found me. My eyes slowly returned to Beths face and suddenly, it all made sense. I understood my Aaron had looked at me weirdly, why he had called me the wrong name and looked so scared of me. Beth was me. I was the drowned girl. The water pulled at me once more and I slipped under the surface. I didnt have time to take a breath before being dragged down. My lungs filled with water but I couldnt keep fighting. I was still reeling from the realisation, my mind was too foggy to connect it any quicker. A burst of strength exploded in me and I tried to kick my way back to the surface, I tried to struggle towards the early morning light which shone weakly through the black water, but I couldnt. Pain seized my chest, crushing it and making tears gather in my eyes but they were immediately washed away by the uncaring water. Just moments ago, it had been comforting, enticing, but now it was cold. It didnt care about the fear that ignited in me at the sudden realisation that I was drowning and that there was nothing I could do. It wanted me to suffer. I kicked, trying to fight my way back to the surface but my vision was fading. I could barely see which way to go. It was too late. I was dying too. A hand closed around my upper arm, the movement jolting me and making my eyes open again, if only briefly. I was dragged upwards, the water fighting against whoever held me. It wanted to keep me and refused to let go of me so easily but it didnt even matter. It had already won. Grace, a voice shouted in my ear the moment I was above the surface. Pain ricocheted through my brain, making it feel like a match had been lit within my head, as an arm wrapped around my chest. My face was above the water again, the light burning my retinas, even through my closed eyelids. I had no control over my body. It flopped about as the person tried to swim and keep hold of me. I had to breathe, I knew that. My chest was so tight and pain pulsed within me with every slow beat of my heart. I tried. I tried to breathe but nothing happened. It was too late. Panic surged within me and I tried to open my eyes once more but all I could see were flashes of things. Faces, mine and Aarons, over the years, swam across my sight but I wasnt sure if I was truly seeing them or if my brain was making things up. We looked different, in each of the flashes. We aged, became more hagged and heartbroken, or got younger. Sometimes, mine or Aarons hair changed colour but one thing remained throughout. I was dying or dead in all of them. Sometimes it was clear that Aaron had given up too. He stood on the pier, which I could see in the distance all around me, his head in his hands and his eyes screwed shut. Sometimes he was in the water with me, his body floating motionless. I always died, he always lived. No matter what happened, he always came back. You shouldnt have come, I heard one of the Aarons sob but I wasnt sure who he was talking to. Dizziness stabbed at me painfully as I was pulled backwards in jolting movements. I tried to open my eyes but my vision was blurry. I couldnt see the younger Aaron anymore. I couldnt see the fog, the lake or anything. No matter how many times I let my eyes close and forced them to open just a little, I couldnt see. And it was fading. It was getting darker and darker. Fear and pain stayed with me though. I wanted to sob, I wanted to cry out, to fight, but I couldnt. I always thought that drowning was meant to be peaceful, painless. Im not sure where I heard that but I was sure that someone had told me. How wrong I was. Drowning wasnt painless, I was wracked with agony. It clawed at me, setting my nerves on fire and making my body want to thrash but I couldnt. I didnt have the energy, I could barely move. There was no escape. I was dying. 2.13 I know its stupid. I sucked in a deep breath and water immediately rushed into my mouth, choking me. My chest spasmed and my eyes flew open as I began to flail. I could only see glimpses of the world around me through the water that I was throwing around with my frantic movements as panic raced through me. My lungs ached. Pain speared me and my stomach clenched to try and expel the water but I was still in the pool. I needed to get out before I could do anything to stop myself from choking. Luckily, I was near the ladder though. I reached out semi-blindly and heaved myself out of the pool, my chest burning as I coughed. I grabbed my towel from the bench nearest to me, pushing it against my mouth. I knew that it was stupid. I was basically choking and I should be focusing on that but instead, I was just panicking about my mom hearing me choke and coming in. How would I deal with that? How could I possibly explain it to her? I couldnt exactly say that I was fantasising about another world and in that world, I was sucked into a weird time loop situation where I continuously drowned and my boyfriend, my first love, had to try to save me each time even though we both knew it was pointless? No, it would be stupid. Shed laugh at me or she just wouldnt believe me and I wasnt sure which was worse. No, I was. I didnt care about her not believing me but her laughing at me and mocking me would be unbearable. I would hate that so so much. Another cough overtook me and I spat water onto the towel. It was thick, stringy. Mucus dangled from my mouth but I wiped it away, ignoring the faint twinges from my chest. Id managed to cough up enough water. I was fine. I took a deep breath, almost trying to prove that to myself, but nausea came out of nowhere. I couldnt hold it back. I was too weak, too drained from dying in another world and almost dying in this one. Vomit burnt my throat as it battled me but I couldnt fight it. I puked into the towel, too weak to even crawl to the nearby toilet. Shame, embarrassment and heartbreak threatened to overwhelm me and I couldnt move off the floor. I was so embarrassed that Id almost drowned in my grandparents pool and why? Because my imagination got away from me? It was a ridiculous reason, one I could never tell anyone about. But even as I thought that, my heart was gripped with such pain that I wanted to cry. I almost did cry. Heartbreak rocked me, making the tears that were starting to dry on my face begin to flow again. It was stupid. I was crying over Aaron and the world Id been in. It wasnt real, I was pretty sure of that, but I was so horrifically sad. I didnt even have my towel to press to my mouth this time to muffle my sobs so I had to settle for pressing both of my hands to my lips, smushing them shut so that my mom wouldnt hear. Luckily, I was pretty good at crying silently. Silent sobs overwhelmed me, leaving me crying in a ball on the floor. The intensity of the pain took me by surprise. It felt like a physical pain. Like someone had stabbed me through the chest or set fire to my heart or something. I cried until my breath came in short gasps that aggravated my lungs and made my ribs ache with every moment but even then, I didnt stop. I just couldnt stop thinking about Aaron. I had died in that world, I knew that, but now, I could remember everything. Every single moment I had spent with him, from the first time Id seen him when I was eight to the first time I died in that world. Hed been my best friend. Wed grown up together. We were inseparable but it wasnt until I was thirteen that I realised I loved him. He was the only person I loved but he didnt know then that he was cursed. Maybe if he did, things would have gone differently. I remembered all of the other times too. Every time I met him as a new person with no memories of who I actually was. I came into being one day, somehow part of a family with people who knew me and loved me. I wasnt sure if I was taking over an existing persons life or if I was just slotted into a world, ready to torture Aaron with just my presence before finally dying. I wasnt sure but I knew I couldnt go back, as much as that hurt. Even if I didnt, hed still be there. He would still be stuck waiting for me to come back, waiting for Beth. Maybe another girl would show up. Someone else who looked just like me and would fall into his life before breaking him once more. Would she get my memories, whoever the new girl was? Would she die and remember everything, every moment with him including mine? I wasnt sure. I felt like I should be unnerved by that thought or scared. I didnt want anyone to have my memories but if it meant that Aaron got more time with Beth, I didnt mind it. I just hoped theyd have longer together the next time. That hed be able to actually spend time with her before she dies again. Would that make it worse? Would it be harder for him to fall in love again and be able to actually spend time with her before she inevitably dies? I want to hope that she wont die next time. That something will happen and theyll break the curse but I know its stupid. Hell be trapped there forever, unable to leave or move forwards at all because every time he does, he just wakes up back in his bed at Amys and everyone forgets that he ever mentioned leaving. No. It will never get better for him. Hes destined to suffer forever. I sat up slowly, wiping the tears and snot from my face before wiping my hand on the only clean part of the towel. I couldnt continue to mourn Aaron and the life we could have had. I needed to put it out of my mind and move on, no matter how hard that felt. And the first step was getting up and working out what to do with the towel. I couldnt put it through the wash. My mom was always in the kitchen until she was going outside for a cigarette or watching something in the lounge. There was no way that Id get to the washing machine without her seeing unless I snuck about which would make her suspicious. Plus, Id need to hide the towel somewhere until then. The smell was mostly hidden by chlorine but I knew that I couldnt stash it somewhere in my room or anywhere else. I needed to bin it. It was a stupid thought and I knew that but I couldnt keep it. The white towel was covered in watery brown vomit, stained by my earlier coffee. It would be too obvious, even if I were to wash it. It needed to go in the bin. But how? My immediate thought was the big bins outside. She wouldnt check in there. She didnt take the bins out, the cleaner did. But there was no way for me to get outside without her noticing. I mean, I could climb out a window to get there but that was too suspicious. If she walked into the pool and I wasnt there, she would wait for me. Id need to put it into the bin in the bathroom. It was big and barely used. The horrifically strong scent of the air freshers in there would overpower the smell of chlorine and vomit. As long as I stuff the towel down in the bin and made sure it was covered with stuff, my mom will never notice. I started to push myself up, my chest screaming in agony and my legs shaking. I almost slipped onto the cold tile floor but I managed to get myself onto my hands and knees. I pulled the corners of the towel together before pausing. I needed to check and make sure that she wasnt in the hall. She could be on her way out for a cigarette and then Id have to answer far too many questions and I just didnt want to do that. I couldnt, I still felt too fragile. I felt like I would burst into tears again at any moment and how would I explain to her that my fantasies were so real that I felt physical pain and that I couldnt stop turning to them because my reality was so hard to deal with that it was the only way I could cope. No. I couldnt explain that to her. I never would be able to. I forced myself to take a deep breath and slowly pushed myself up until I was standing. The water in my stomach sloshed disgustingly as I moved, almost making me throw up again. How much water had I accidentally swallowed and when? Was it just what I had swallowed that one time or had I been drinking the water as I swam and drowned in the other world? I wasnt sure but I pressed one hand against my bloated stomach as I leant around the doorframe and stared into the hall beyond. I couldnt see my mom from there and I strained my ears to listen, hoping to pick up some sign that she was still in there or was outside. I couldnt hear anything though and I knew that I couldnt wait any longer. I edged back towards the dirty towel that Id left on the floor, picking it up as carefully as I could. The liquid had mostly sunk into the fabric, leaving just chunks behind, and I fought the urge to throw up again. I could feel it bubbling up in my throat but I pushed it aside as hard as I could. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. Sweat beaded on my forehead again as I snuck towards the door and peered out. There was still no sign of her and so I stepped out of the door. The cold tiles stung my bare feet as I crept over them towards the bathroom door, making goosebumps erupt on my skin. My hands shook and I could feel sweat dripping down my face. It was just a few steps, no more than maybe ten, but it felt like it took a lifetime to get there. I was almost there, almost safe, when I heard a noise from the kitchen. A loud scraping noise filled the air and I froze. My ears strained to work out what was happening as I stood just outside the bathroom. I knew that it would be smartest to dart inside and shut the door but I couldnt move. I listened carefully as footsteps sounded. They werent moving towards me though. Relief crashed into me as I heard my mom walk further away from me before the loud noise of the kettle filled the air and I could finally move again. I rushed into the bathroom, immediately opening the stupidly oversized bin and shoving the towel deep inside. I ignored the disgust that hit me as I pushed the towel deeper and deeper, liquid from the towel spilling out onto my hand. Finally, I pulled back, gagging and shaking my hand to get rid of one of the chunks that clung to it. I turned the tap on with my cleaner hand and started scrubbing my hands to clean them. It didnt feel like enough though. The cloying scent of heavily perfumed soap wafted through the air as I continued to rub my hands. They were pink and stinging before I was finally satisfied that they were clean. I turned the tap off and leaned heavily against the sink before looking up at my reflection. I looked a mess, that much was clear. My face was red still and my chest was too. I was sweating, shiny, and puffy, but once I met my own gaze in the mirror, I couldnt look away. They looked different. I mean, they were still the same colour as before and everything but there was something about them that looked different. I wasnt sure what it was exactly, I couldnt put my finger on what had changed but I looked older, maybe? Haunted. I had the eyes of someone who had seen death, who had seen too much. Something about me had been changed, I had lost something. Maybe it was just having experienced death, having experienced heartbreak. I knew what it was like to suffer. Part of me was forever changed by what had happened. I sighed and looked away. I was being stupid. Over dramatic. Nothing had happened, not really. I had almost choked in real life but that was nothing. People choked every day, I needed to get over it. I knew that but I could still feel it. The sensation of water rushing into my lungs, the inescapable feeling of sinking lower and lower into the lake, something that Beth had experienced many times, stuck with me. I couldnt get the image of Aarons face out of my head either. The way the younger Aaron stared at me as I was dragged away was burnt into my mind. I wasnt sure that I would ever forget it. A shaky breath slipped out of my mouth as I glanced back at my reflection. I needed to pull it together. I pulled my shoulders back and raised my chin. I needed to finish cleaning up my mess and act like nothing had happened, even though I still hurt and my hands were trembling lightly. I needed to work out what I had to do, that would help. A knock came from the door and I jumped so hard that Im pretty sure both feet left the ground. Are you almost done in there? We need to leave soon, my mothers voice snapped sharply. Yes, I called back, my voice shaking. There was a pause and I wasnt sure what she was waiting for but I had nothing left to say. After a moment, I heard her footsteps move across the hall. I folded in half, dropping my head to rest against the cold edge of the sink, and tried to breathe deeply. I hurt. I hurt all over but I needed to get it together. Standing once more, I took another deep breath and looked away from my reflection, my eyes falling on the bin. I needed to cover up the towel so that my mom wouldnt see it. Not that she was going to go rooting through the bin, I didnt think. She might though. If she thought I was hiding something in there or doing something that I shouldnt, she would. My eyes scanned the room as I searched for something to use, falling on the almost empty toilet roll. I started to pull some off, taking far too much and crumpling it up as if I had used it to blow my nose before opening the bin and peering in. Some things were already covering the towel. I had pushed it in deeply which meant that some things had spilt over it, that was good. I carefully placed the scrunched-up toilet roll in my hand onto the towel, trying to make it look natural, before pulling the rest of the roll off and doing the same. That was almost enough to cover it. I dropped the cardboard centre of the roll in too. There, that was enough. She wouldnt look too closely at that. I started to reach for the tap to wash my hands again before realising that it would seem suspicious if I left the room without flushing the toilet. I pulled the handle and washed my hands once more before opening the door. I half expected my mom to be waiting outside, ready to pounce and demand to know what I was doing in there and why I took so long, but she didnt. The hall outside the bathroom was empty and suspiciously quiet. I padded across it, my heart pounding. I knew that I needed to go through the kitchen to get to my room and I was worried that my mom was going to ask where my towel was. I had no way to explain that. I would just need to tell her Id left it in the pool room or something. She might go and check though and then Id be stuck. I just needed to act like nothing had happened, like everything was normal, then she wouldnt ask any questions. I lifted my chin again and forced a slight smile onto my face before striding towards the kitchen. I watched her carefully as I continued through the room towards the door on the other side. I was so close. I almost made it when she began to talk. I heard a commotion, she said. It was a statement, not a question. I didnt need to answer it, not really. I knew that I did though, as tempted as I was to keep walking. Slowly, I turned back towards her, making sure to hold my back straight and my expression neutral. Yes, I replied, my mind racing to think of an excuse. I pushed myself too hard, breathed at the wrong time. It was a weak excuse but she didnt even look up at me. Her eyes were still fixed on her book but they werent moving. She was purposefully not looking at me. Maybe we should put you into swimming lessons, she suggested blithely. I just assumed that youd be able to teach yourself, like I did. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I had been swimming in the pool at my grandparents house, without supervision, for years. I knew it was just a dig, she just wanted a way to compare us and imply that she was better than me. I didnt want to rise to it though. Calmness swept through me and I barely felt any irritation. That would be fun, I replied with a smile. I do really enjoy swimming so it would be nice to do it more when Im at home. A flash of annoyance crossed her face so quickly that I barely noticed it and I knew that she was angry that I wasnt upset by her comment but she didnt say anything. After a moment, her eyes started moving again and I knew that she was ignoring me. I turned, feeling a flutter of triumph and continued down the hall. I hadnt risen to her dig and Id annoyed her. That felt like a win and it made me too happy even as worry started to edge into my heart again. I hoped that she wouldnt follow through on her suggestion. I was pretty sure that she wouldnt, it was just made to try and upset me, but I really didnt want to have swimming lessons. I didnt want to go in a pool again, not for a while at least. I could still feel water splashing in my stomach with every step and my lungs ached. Even my head hurt. What if it happened again? What if I drowned in another world whilst swimming or if I was just so distracted that I didnt pay attention to reality and almost downed again? A shudder ripped through me. I didnt want that to happen. I didnt want to drown. I stopped, my foot poised above the step and ready to climb as a thought hit me. What would happen if I died in real life? Would I die in all of the fantasies too? Or would they continue on without me? I mean, things continued happening when I wasnt there in the other dreams so surely they would keep going, right? Or maybe they wouldnt. Maybe, one day, I would disappear from Mitchs world without a trace. I would just be gone with no trace or no explanation. Then what? He would assume that Id been kidnapped. He would think that the Sterlings got me and he would try and find me again. Would he ever give up? Something told me that he wouldnt and that made the guilt within me intensify. It made me want to go back to him but I couldnt. I couldnt bare to look at him, knowing what I had done. I pushed the guilt aside and continued up the stairs. I needed to shower before we went out, I realised as I hesitated outside my bedroom door and lifted a hand to my hair. It was almost entirely dry. I must have been curled up on the floor crying for ages for it to be so dry. I wasnt even sure what time it was or how much time had passed since I climbed into the pool. My eyebrows pulled together. I didnt have my phone. Did I leave it in my room? Or was it in the pool? I didnt remember. Pushing my bedroom door open, I scanned the room quickly. Not there. I must have left it downstairs. I silently debated going down to get it now before dismissing it. It wasnt worth it. I could shower and then go down, otherwise, my mom would get annoyed. Shed tell me that I was taking too long to get ready and that we would be late before accusing me of being addicted to my phone and unable to be without it for even five minutes, even though she was worse than I was. She was never without her phone for more than a few minutes. I pulled my door shut and walked into the bathroom. Id shower and then go down. That was fine. I could be alone with my thoughts for that long without a distraction, it wouldnt be too bad. It took me less than a minute to reach for that familiar dizziness again. 2.14 Back in the day, it was a nightmare. Are you ready? my mom demanded as she pushed my bedroom door open without bothering to knock. Almost, I replied, lifting my arm again as I continued to straighten my hair and trying to keep the wince off my face as I did so. I really didnt want to straighten my hair because every movement caused my chest to scream with agony. Even just showering almost brought tears to my eyes. Every single movement hurt and by the end of it, I had to sit on the floor of the shower. I couldnt do anything else. I couldnt stand, I could barely keep moving. Im pretty sure I even fell asleep for a few minutes because my head fell back against the glass and the next thing I knew, my mom was banging on the door. Im so glad that she didnt pick the lock and storm in because if she saw me on the floor of the shower, I wouldnt be able to explain it. Maybe she would just assume that I was too lazy to stand up and shower but I wasnt sure. If she pushed it and demanded to know why I couldnt stand, I wouldnt have an answer for her. I couldnt exactly tell her that I drowned in another world which caused me to almost drown in this one and that, now, I was pretty sure that Id pulled a muscle or done some damage to myself. At least I didnt feel quite so nauseous anymore. The sloshing sensation in my stomach had subsided which made things a lot easier. The first time I went back to the other world, to the spy world where I was trapped on the bus, I had been hit with such bad nausea that Id thrown up again. Luckily, I had already turned the shower on to warm up so there was little chance that my mom would have heard me. Honestly, I dont know how it takes you so long, she sighed. Youve missed some at the back too. I finished the strand I was working on before pulling my straightened hair over my other shoulder. I scanned it carefully, searching for the bit shed said that I had missed and trying to keep the pain from my face. I couldnt find it. I even ran my fingers through my hair to separate it and move it about but I couldnt find the bit that she said I had missed. I glanced up at her just in time to see her leaving my room, a triumphant expression on her face. I let my hand fall to my lap. I hadnt missed anything, she just wanted me to feel insecure. It worked, briefly, but I pushed the feeling aside and continued doing my hair. It took longer than it should have, much longer than it took normally. The sheer effort of repeatedly lifting the straightener to my head made sweat bead on my forehead and I kept having to stop to rest and breathe. It worried me a little but I was mostly just relieved to be done. I pushed myself upright, ignoring the ache in my legs as I did, and took a couple of slow, deep breaths. I was struggling. It was obvious. I was probably just exhausted and maybe a little injured from almost drowning. That was it. It was manageable. I was sure that when I woke up the next day, I would be completely fine. Grace, I heard my mom call sharply and I pushed myself to stand up straight before the door opened again. Are you ready? Yes, I replied quickly. I just need to put my shoes on and grab my phone from the pool and Ill be ready. My mom sighed at me. Fine, she said. She didnt wait for me to say anything else before she left again, expecting me to follow her. I started to instinctively, almost reaching the door before I realised that I had some painkillers somewhere in my bag. I moved towards it as quickly as I could, reaching inside and finding the foil-covered packet and popping out a couple of tablets. I slipped them into my mouth and swallowed them dry. The pills stuck in my throat and I had to swallow a few times to get them down but it worked eventually. Sucking in another deep breath, I looked around my room for my shoes. I had a couple of pairs of heels that I had unpacked which I knew that I should wear. Mom always said that the dress I was wearing looked silly with flats or that it made me look too short or out of proportion, depending on her mood, but I just couldnt bear the thought of wearing them. I hesitated for just a minute before slipping my feet into the flats. Theyd be fine, they had to be. At least in them, I could almost move around like normal, like I wasnt injured. Glancing at myself in the mirror one final time, I left my room. All of my focus was on standing and moving normally as I walked down the hall. My mom wasnt there so it didnt matter that much but I needed the practice. My body wanted to curl forwards, to limp. I wanted to move as slowly and carefully as possible but I knew that, if I did that, I would get questions. I needed to be smart. Moving did seem to be helping though, that or the painkillers were starting to kick in. I wasnt sure but I feel like my movement started to get a little smoother, my body crying out less and less with each step. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, my mom looked up from her phone. An eyebrow raised as her eyes scanned me and landed on my shoes but luckily, she just sighed instead of saying anything. Are you ready to go? she asked, sounding fed up and bored of me. Yes, I answered instinctively before realising that I wasnt. I just need to go grab my phone. She sighed heavily again. Go on then. Hurry up, she ordered sharply. Okay, I replied, doing as she said but probably not as quickly as she wanted me to based on the irritated noise she made. I was sure that I had already told her that I needed to go get my phone. She could have done it for me if she really was in that much of a rush. Honestly, I heard her mutter. Young people these days are addicted to those things. They cant go more than five minutes without looking at their phones. Its ridiculous. Sad, really. I glanced over my shoulder at her. She was staring at her phone even as she complained about how young people are addicted to them, seemingly not aware of the irony of her words. I feel like she wouldnt like it if I pointed it out either, no matter how tempting it was. I could almost feel the brief flash of triumph that I would feel as she realised that I was right and that she was addicted to her phone but I wasnt to mine, which was silly because at least most of the time when I was on my phone I was texting Phoebe or someone. She had no one, she was almost just scrolling through social media or playing stupid games. She was never actually talking to anyone. Oh. That realisation almost stopped me in my tracks. She didnt. She didnt really have any friends or anyone that she spoke to. She sometimes met up with old classmates when we were in Scotland but Id heard some of those conversations, back when she used to take me with her to the meetings. They were strange. They mostly just talked about things that happened to them when they were in school and then bragged about how fantastic their life was now. I remember the last time I went, my mom spent half the time talking about how I had scored so highly in my reports last term, even though I hadnt, and that shed spoken to a teacher about putting me on the gifted and talented track at the school. I wasnt sure which teacher she had spoken to though and I was pretty sure that my school didnt have any gifted and talented program or anything. She must have just been doing it to sound good. To sound better than her friends. I mean, what was she meant to say? That she spent most of her time at home, drinking and watching TV. That she was in a bad relationship with someone who she didnt really care about and that her only child, the one that shed previously boosted about being talented, was a depressed average child who spent most of her time in daydreams to avoid being in reality? That was the truth. And it wasnt a nice one. It wasnt pretty or something she could boast about and I understood it. It made sense. If she were to tell people, to admit that was all that her life consisted of, she wouldnt be able to feel better than them, which I knew mattered to her. Theyd feel pity for her. Shed feel horrible. I get why she lies about it. Its a sad life to live. A disappointing one. Maybe its better to live in a fantasy than to have to admit that. It had to be, right? I mean, I wouldnt want to admit it and I dont want to live it. I dont want to become her. I dont want to marry a man I cant stand, to spend my life taking out my anger and disappointment on a kid that I never really wanted and only had because it was expected of me. I dont want to live my life in a fantasy, not seeing or understanding reality. I need more. The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. But that is what Im doing. Im living in a fantasy and maybe I am seeing reality but Im ignoring it. Am I no better than my mom? I mean, at least Im not telling others about my fantasy, its strictly for me so that Im not trapped here. I dont know if that makes it better or worse though. I like to think better but I just dont know. Ready, I said quietly as I approached my mom again, my phone clutched in my hand. I hadnt even checked it since I picked it up, I had been too distracted by my thoughts. My mom barely looked up from her phone as she turned away from me and walked towards the door. She pulled it open, disappearing through it and not bothering to check if I was following or to hold the door open for me. Part of me wanted not to. I wanted to stand in the hallway, unmoving, just to see what would happen. Would she turn back and ask me what I was doing and why I was taking so long or would she get in the car anyway and drive away? The second felt like the more likely option. Knowing my mom, she would drive to the restaurant, take her time eating dinner and come back. Then, when she finally did arrive back home, shed probably pretend to be surprised to see me there and pretend that she didnt even notice that I was gone. I started to walk before hesitating again. I kind of did want that. I could have the whole evening, or the next few hours at least, to myself. I could just relax and be alone in the creepy old house that I was pretty sure was haunted. It sounded lovely. Better than dinner would be at least. No, dinner might not be too bad. Mom was generally not that bad when her parents werent there, even though she had seemed to not be in a particularly good mood this evening. Maybe it would get better once she was out of the house? The car door slammed, jolting me out of my thoughts and I rushed out of the house. I could see my mom actively trying not to look at me as I hurried across the stones towards the car, getting there just as she turned on the ignition. Why are you so slow today? she demanded. My mind spun quickly as I tried to think of an excuse, knowing that I couldnt tell her the truth. I got distracted by a text from Phoebe, I said after a slight pause. I knew that shed seize that and, based on her smirk, she did. And how is Phoebe? she said with a sneer. I wasnt sure why. She oscillated wildly between liking Phoebe and telling me that I should be more like her and insulting her. Shes good. Shes just in France with her family over the holidays to help her learn more of the language. Good! my mom said as she started slowly crawling down the road, the stones crunching under the wheels. Good on her for going out of her way to improve herself over the holidays! You should be doing something like that rather than sitting around all day! I opened my mouth to point out that I hadnt been sitting around all day and that Id actually spent most of my time since getting to my grandparents house outside or in the pool. It didnt matter. She wouldnt listen to what I had to say anyway. She would just find a way to insult me or imply that I was in some way lacking. I could feel the dizziness floating at the edge of my mind, waiting for me to give in. I wanted to. I hadnt gone anywhere, not properly, since I had drowned in the other world. I had tried to. I had briefly started to return to the other world where I was on the bus but nausea had overtaken me before I could truly get there. I wanted to go back, even though I felt conflicted. I just didnt want to stay in the car with my mom. I reached out towards the dizziness, slowly and carefully. I could almost feel myself wrapping my fingers around it and letting it drag me back into the fantasy. I braced, expecting nausea to hit me and make me want to throw up but I slipped back into the world so gradually that I barely noticed it. One moment, I was sitting in the car and listening to my mom go on and on about how I needed to take the initiative more and do something with my life, the next I was on the bus. I blinked a few times, the world feeling a little strange and unreal but it slowly came into focus. The tiny room still smelt of the lasagne that Id had for dinner, even though the tray was gone, was my first realisation. My second realisation was that we were no longer moving. We had stopped. I climbed out of my chair and rushed to the window, even though I knew that there was no point. I couldnt actually see out of it. The image was simply a moving clip of the side of a road somewhere, as if we were still driving, which made me feel a little unsteady. It was convincing, the image so clear that it made my brain want to believe that we were still moving. We werent though. I was sure that we had stopped. I couldnt feel the movement of the bus or hear the soft hum of the engine which had been my constant companion for the last however long it had been. I wasnt sure how long it had been. We could have been on the bus for weeks, I really didnt know. It couldnt have been weeks. Surely not. I mean, firstly, where would we be going for that long and secondly, I would know, wouldnt I? I would be able to feel the passage of time. I gently touched the glass screen of my window. Maybe I wouldnt know. I was trapped inside, time was meaningless. The only way I knew what time it was was through the clock on the iPad and they could have easily messed with that. I only know that it was night when the screens on the windows shows a darker video. I truly had no way of knowing. I could have been anywhere and any amount of time could have passed. A knock came from the door behind me and I turned around quickly. Come in, I called, stepping forwards away from the window as if I had been caught doing something I shouldnt. Hello, Grace, Ms Brice said as she opened the door. Are you ready to go? Yes, I said quickly, excited to be able to go outside. That would make me feel better, I knew it. Fantastic! Do you want to put your shoes on and we can go? I looked down in confusion. I had no recollection of taking my shoes off. I must have done it when I first got on the bus and just not thought about them since. Oh, sure, I said, trying to surreptitiously scan the room for them. They were placed neatly by the door and I hurried towards them, slipping them on and looking up at Ms Brice. She smiled at me and turned, starting down the corridor away from my room. I scampered after her, my eyes taking in the screen that replaced the window in the path outside my room. It was still moving too. I walked behind her, trying not to rush but also wanting to be outside as quickly as I could. I barely looked around the open part of the bus as we walked through it. I saw an iPad on the table next to a laptop, an empty cup of coffee in a holder that seemed to be built into the table and the empty drivers seat. That almost made me stop. Where was Mr Parner? I just expected that he would still be on the bus, sitting in the seat. Where else could he be? Maybe they had bedrooms too? Maybe he was taking the opportunity to go for a nap. That made sense. I mean, he couldnt be driving solidly for the whole time, he had to sleep at some point. But then I had never noticed the bus stop for more than a few minutes or so at a time so how did that work? Maybe Ms Brice drove whilst he slept? My thoughts stuttered to a stop as Ms Brice stepped out of the bus door and I felt a gentle breeze blow the hair back from my face. I paused, halfway down the steps, my eyes falling shut as I simply enjoyed the feeling of fresh air on my skin. After a moment, I realised that Ms Brice was probably waiting for me and I opened my eyes, feeling foolish. My gaze found her immediately and I felt blood rush into my cheeks as I hurried off the bus and onto the tarmac of the car park. Sorry, I muttered to her, unable to look her in the eye. I had caught a glimpse of a smile on her face before I had looked away though. She didnt seem annoyed at me or irritated by how long I was taking. She seemed happy which made me feel uncomfortable. Dont worry at all, Grace! Youve been on the bus for a long time, it must be nice to be outside again, she told me. It is, I agreed, finally looking around. We were standing in a car park but our bus was the only one there. A long road that disappeared behind trees seemed to be the only way in or out but I couldnt see what was beyond the trees. Shall we? Ms Brice asked with a smile, gesturing towards whatever was behind the bus with her head. I nodded and hurried after her, wanting to see more of wherever we were. I couldnt see much though. The space behind the bus was huge and open. A playing field or a park or something. The giant green space was surrounded on all sides by huge trees, meaning that I couldnt see anything else. I couldnt see beyond the trees and there was nothing above them, just the darkening sky. We walked in silence as Ms Brice led me towards the beginning of a worn path on the sunbaked field. It had been a hot summer so far in reality and, judging by how dry and parched the grass looked, I assumed that it had been warm in this world too. It was still really warm. I might have just been used to how cool it had been on the bus because of the constant air conditioning but the evening air was hot. It was almost a little too warm and humid which unsettled me. It might have just been a very hot summer evening but I wasnt sure. For all I knew, we could have been in a different country. We could have gotten a ferry or gone on the channel tunnel. We could be almost anywhere in the world and I wouldnt know. Ms Brice had documents saying she was part of the British government though, she had said the programme was an English one but what if it was a lie? What if I was being taken somewhere else, being trained somewhere else? So, how are you finding the modules youve completed so far? Ms Brice said, breaking the silence. Theyve been good, I answered automatically before feeling the need to add something. I really liked learning about the GSOD earlier. I could just about remember it but it became more clear the longer I thought about it. Ah, wonderful! That bodes well! Youll be spending a lot of time in there. Maybe not at first but youll get there, I have no doubt, Ms Brice told me. What do you think of Day in the Life? The software we made? Oh, the reporting one that looks like a game? I checked. It looks really cool. It seems like a really interesting way of reporting things. I felt like my answer was lame, like it wasnt enough, but Ms Brice smiled at me, her face lighting up. Ah, yes. The normalisation of children having access to technology has been fantastic for our sector. Back in the day, it was a nightmare. Day to day reporting was so much more difficult and we had to rely on much more physical means like hand written reports, radio, morse code and a number of ridiculous things but now Now it is a completely different game, she said with a chuckle. Most children learn how to use technology in the first five years of their life. Theyre given phones with incredible processing capacities not much lately. Any child can have a phone and that phone can have anything on it. You never know who to trust or what anyone might be capable of. Its incredible! It didnt sound incredible. It sounded terrifying. She made it sound like the streets were full of child spies. Like, at any minute, someone could snap and murder a person or do something else terrible. It made goosebumps break out on my skin and panic swell within me. How are you finding your time on the bus? 2.15 It should still be very enjoyable. Its alright, I said carefully. Ms Brice laughed, filling me with confusion. I watched her out of the corner of my eyes, not sure how to act or react. Grace, its okay if youre struggling with being coped up on the bus. Youve been there for a long time, longer than we anticipated. Its alright to be struggling with that, she told me, her tone kind. My body sagged slightly at her words as relief washed through me, even if I didnt fully trust what she was saying. It felt like a lie. As much as she was trying to reassure me that it was okay and normal, I didnt know that I could actually admit that I was struggling. Surely, that would come across as weak and I couldnt be weak. They hadnt chosen me to be trained to be a spy because I was weak. Its not ideal, I admitted, but I am enjoying learning about the department and everything thats going to happen when I get to the Academy. It was almost the truth. Part of me was enjoying that but also I hated being trapped in the bus. I wanted to escape, to get out and never look back, but I knew that I needed to. I had to go back into the bus and be locked in again. Thats fantastic. Hopefully, we should arrive there in the morning and youll be free to roam around the induction wing with the rest of your cohort, Ms Brice told me. I swallowed, looking away from her to stare at the ground. The grass was dry and sparse. I could see the cracked ground beneath it. It looked like it hadnt rained in weeks, if not longer. Summer had been really warm so far in reality but I wasnt sure what it had been like in this world. Maybe it had been really warm too or maybe my earlier suspicions were correct and we were no longer in England. Would I know? I wasnt sure. Probably not. I mean, normally, the only way to know that Ive gone to a different country is because I go through an airport or something but with driving and being on the bus, it could have just happened. I could have crossed countless borders without even knowing. I pushed that panic aside. There was no point in me even worrying about it now. I was already there and there was no way I could get back. Plus, it was just a fantasy. It didnt really matter. My fantasies couldnt impact real life so I could just go along with them and see what happened. My chest throbbed so hard in real life that it almost pulled me out of the fantasy. I tried to stay in it as I felt my mouth open but I had to come back. I blinked, slowly letting the world come back into focus, and looked around. I was standing in the car park of the restaurant, my hand still resting on the top of the door. My body ached but I immediately worked out why. I had just stood up. I had been sitting down but we had just arrived at the hotel and I had climbed out of the car. Thats why I was hurting. I took a slow, deep breath and shut the car door before following my mom across the cobbled car park. I could feel the dizziness reaching for me again. It wanted me to dive towards it and return to the field, wherever it was, where I was talking to Ms Brice. I wanted to too but I resisted. I forced myself to stay firmly in reality and to ignore how tempting it was to go back to the other world. I wanted to know what we were talking about. Were we still talking about how I was finding being on the bus or had it moved on to something more interesting? The dizziness became more insistent but I pushed it away and sped up, ignoring the ache that caused. Somehow, my mom managed to walk much faster than me even though she was wearing giant heels. I had no clue how she did it. The cobbled ground was unsteady, slippery almost, but she navigated it without any sign of difficulty. Part of me wanted to mention that, to ask her how she did it. It was probably just practice, but it was impressive. I decided to stay silent as we entered the building that Id been to with my mom and grandparents so many times. Id already been there just a few days ago and yet I still found myself being distracted by how wonderful it was. The building was old, grand. The portraits were from a different time and the gently crackling fireplace, despite how warm it was outside, made it feel like I had slipped into a dream or a fantasy. I didnt have any dizziness though. There was none of the usual vertigo or nausea. It was reality, it just felt like a fantasy. My daydream pulled at me again, trying to tempt me into returning but I forced myself to stay present, looking around at my surroundings in an attempt to help me stay. It didnt really help though. My gaze bounced around the room, not really focusing on anything as we made our way through the hotel towards the restaurant. The steady clicking of my moms heels against the marble floor, mixed with the quiet buzz of whispers somehow were making it harder for me not to slip away. Every single item or person that my eyes landed on caused dizziness to nip at me. It felt a little different each time and I knew that each one was a different world, a different fantasy. I couldnt feel anything about those places but I didnt want to. They made the memory of Aarons heartbroken face as he watched me die float to the front of my mind. I couldnt go back to a world like that. Luckily, we had reached the restaurant by that realisation. As soon as we passed through the doors, it became easier for me to stay in reality. It was louder, significantly louder. Voices floated across the room towards me, couples and older families were chatting freely, the atmosphere much more lively. Table for two? the waiter asked as we approached. Yes, please, my mom replied, barely even looking at him. The man smiled and lead us across the restaurant towards a small table, stopping beside it. Hows this one? Its fine, Mom replied as she slipped into the chair and looked around at the other nearby tables. Thank you, I told the man as I sat opposite her and accepted the menu from him. No problem. Ill be back over shortly to take your drink order, he said before turning and walking away. I scanned the drinks menu, even though I knew that I was probably just going to get water or a coke. There were some weird drinks on the menu, as there always were at the hotel. The fancy-sounding cordials and options like rose lemonade always tempted me a little but I wasnt interested enough to actually try them. I wasnt even sure what rose lemonade would taste like. What if it was bad? I feel like my mom would expect me to just drink it anyway or shed tell me off about the amount of sugar in it. No, I would just order a coke. I wasnt sure what to order for food though. I turned to the food page, reading my options. Luckily, they always really clearly marked what was vegetarian and what wasnt which I appreciated. Last time, when I had come with my grandparents, Id had the salad but I didnt want that again. My eyes were drawn to the vegetarian burger immediately. That looked so good. It had a homemade patty and smoked cheese which I adored but then the roasted vegetable pasta sounded delicious too. I read the descriptions again, my eyes being drawn to something that Id missed before. The vegetable pasta had roasted garlic. That made my decision for me. I loved roasted garlic. I closed the menu and looked around the room before glancing at my mom. She was still scanning the menu, her lips pursed. What are you thinking? I asked, the suddenness of my question surprising both of us. Of having for dinner I felt silly adding it but she looked so confused by my phrasing that I felt like I needed to clarify. Oh, she said. Maybe the salmon. Im feeling fish. That sounds nice, I replied. Her lips twitched up into a smile but it was quickly squashed back down. Silence stretched out between us and I looked around the room again. Every other table was talking. Even the people who were eating were taking turns to converse. We were the only table who were sitting in silence. It felt horrible, uncomfortable, even though we spent most of our time together without speaking. What are you going to have? my mom asked after a while. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. I think the vegetable pasta, I replied. Mmm. There was nothing else to say. I looked at her awkwardly but shed already looked away from me, glancing back at her menu. My mind wanted me to reach out for the dizziness that floated so close to me but, for some reason, I fought to stay. I wanted to be present, to be with my mom. The longer we went without speaking, the stronger that dizziness became. It was so hard not to disappear into another world where I could feel the conversation flowing much easier and I wasnt strong enough to stay. But, it is what it is, I heard Ms Brice say as I returned. She laughed, dismissing whatever annoyance she had just been talking about and I pushed myself to join in as memories flooded into me. We were halfway around the field now, our steps slow and leisurely. Wed been chatting about nothing of importance, just small things about the world and how it was going but now the conversation lulled. Anxiety hit me but Im not sure why. It felt a little like it was my fault. In reality, I hadnt been able to keep the conversation flowing and now I couldnt in the fantasy either. Id been fine before I had actually arrived when my body was working on autopilot or whatever was happening. It was only now that I was there that it was an issue. So hows everything going with the syllabus now? I asked, grasping at straws and remembering a tiny scrap of conversation that wed had previously. Did you manage to sort out the issue with the live ammunition and plants and stuff? A smile came over Ms Brices face that filled me with joy. She seemed surprised that I had remembered and actually asked her about it. Ah, pretty much, she said with a soft chuckle. Were allowing the use of live ammunition towards the end of the induction period so that your cohort have longer to get used to it and weve added in a few classes to explain the dangers of some of the specific plants and Charlie has now finished planning those so it should be alright. She shook her head but there was a slight smile on her face that made me think she wasnt too frustrated about it. Why does the tutor want us to use live ammunition so soon? I asked. I wasnt too interested in the answer, I just wanted to keep the conversation going. Ah, that one I do actually understand. Theres quite a big difference between using non-lethal and live ammunition. It takes a while to get used to and I think, no matter how much protective gear youre wearing, its scary getting shot at for the first time. The sooner we can get rid of that fear, the better, she explained. I nodded, thinking back to Crete and the first time the Stirlings shot at me. It was terrifying. I remembered all thoughts leaving my mind and only panic remaining. Maybe that tutor did have a point. Are you ready to order? a voice asked and I blinked quickly as I returned to reality. Yes, I would like the salmon, my mom said in a clipped tone. With potato dauphinoise? Fantastic choice. And for you? the waiter asked, looking at me. Could I have the roast vegetable pasta, please? I asked, trying to ignore the dizziness that pulled at me. I clenched my hands into fists under the table, hoping that would help. Of course. Will that be all? Yes, my mom answered before I could say anything. Not that I wanted anything else, it would have just been nice to have the option. I handed my menu back to the waiter who took it with a smile before turning and walking away. I let out a slow breath, trying not to make it obvious as the dizziness slowly retreated. It hadnt been too bad that time, luckily, but my body still throbbed in pain gently. I looked down at the table, trying to find something to talk about or to distract myself with. My eyes fell on the full glass of coke in front of me. Condensation beaded on the outside of the cup and I quickly reached out to drink some. I couldnt remember it arriving. Actually, I didnt even remember ordering it. I had decided to, I could remember that, but I had no recollection of anything more. Unease built within me but I pushed it away, reaching for excuses and reassurance instead. I must have just been too deep in my daydream. Id probably answered without thinking or returning from it. That happened sometimes. It was nothing to worry about. The coke was ice cold and refreshing, much better than I had been expecting. I took another sip, relishing the experience. Im not sure if it was just because I had barely drunk anything that day or if the coldness of the drink was soothing my sore throat or what but it was wonderful. You might need to order another drink when they bring our food over, at the rate youre drinking that, my mom said in a snooty tone. I knew she was trying to tell me off for drinking so quickly. That had been the beginning of many insults about it before. Normally, she followed it up with a comment about how unladylike it was or by pointing out how many calories were in a glass of coke or something equally cutting but I couldnt bring myself to care. I didnt feel anything. That would be nice, I said with a polite smile, knowing that she wanted to get a rise out of me. How was your afternoon? Irritating mixed with suspicion flitted over her face quickly and I could tell that I hadnt reacted as she had expected. She wanted me to be upset or annoyed and by changing the topic, I had robbed her of that opportunity. It was good. Mostly quiet. There was a long pause before she added, How was yours? Strangely, I didnt expect her to ask that. She didnt normally try to continue the conversation or ask anything about my life. She never really seemed to care about me unless it could have a negative impact on her or if it was something she could use to make herself look better. I liked that she was trying though. She normally did try a bit better when we were in Scotland, after her parents had gone. I think that being around her parents made her remember what it was like to grow up with people like them around. Maybe she recognised their behaviours as things that she had done too and was trying to make up for it. Or maybe it was being away from my dad. I loved him and he was a great dad but they werent happy together. That was very clear. It was good, thank you, I lied. I couldnt tell her the truth, obviously. She lifted an eyebrow and surveyed me over the top of her wine glass as she took a sip. Even after your incident in the pool? she questioned. Yeah I had nothing more to add to that. There wasnt anything more to say. I had almost choked, she knew that. She had heard coughing and struggling and yet hadnt done anything about it. Part of me wanted to know what would have happened if I hadnt been able to get out of the pool in time or if I hadnt been able to cough out the water. What would she have done? Would she have stayed in the kitchen undoubtedly judging me for making so much noise? Or would she have grown concerned after I became silent? What would she have done if I had died? Would she feel anything towards me? I genuinely wasnt sure. Dizziness nipped at me sharply, trying to drag me away into a new world, but I fought back. I could tell it was a new fantasy immediately and I didnt want to go. I hadnt created that daydream, I hadnt triggered it intentionally. I didnt know what it would be like or what the world would be like and I didnt want to risk it. I couldnt. I was too scared from before. I didnt trust my brain not to make up something horrifying. But, at the same time, I was intrigued. There was an element of morbid curiosity that made me reluctant to pull away completely. I had been thinking about what would have happened if I died, maybe it would show me. Or maybe I would just have to go through it all again and drown. I didnt want to do that. I couldnt, especially not in public or with my mom there. What if I came back to reality, coughing up water? Id make such a scene. Shed never let me live it down. What happened? my mom asked, her tone overly innocent. She was trying to catch me out. She was suspicious of me, for some reason. She assumed that there was more to my story than I had told her and she wanted to know. She probably assumed that I was drunk or on drugs or something, those were her usual guesses. I just pushed myself too hard, I said, repeating the exact same thing that I had said earlier. It wasnt enough though, it wouldnt satisfy her. I needed to make it sound better. I was trying to beat my record, complete a couple lengths before the time ran out and I wasnt paying enough attention to my breathing so I sucked in a mouthful of water. It was a lie still but it felt more developed, more of an explanation. I knew that it was enough for my mom to accept and not judge me too heavily for. Well, no. She would judge me regardless but she probably wouldnt look any further into it. My mom snorted, judgementally but didnt say anything more. I was glad, it was the best outcome I could think of. She didnt probe any deeper, she simply picked up her phone, a smirk still on her face, and started to ignore me again. But it should still be very enjoyable, Ms Brice said. I had no clue what she was talking about. The memories were coming to me but not quickly enough so I settled for simply making a noncommittal noise as I looked around. We were moving too quickly. I felt like wed only been out of the bus for a few minutes but we were already on our way back. We were walking directly towards it. I knew that Id been jumping between worlds a lot but it still didnt feel like it had been enough time. I didnt want to go back, not yet. I felt myself slow down, lagging behind Ms Brice. I was walking back to my cage, willingly returning to the small box of a room where I was going to be alone and trapped for an unknown amount of time. Are you okay? Ms Brice asked, her tone gentle. I glanced at her worriedly, scared about how she would react. Yeah Even I could hear how reluctant I was. Ms Brice smiled and looked down, slowing so that she matched my speed. We should be at the Academy in the morning, Ms Brice said. Just one more sleep and then youll be able to get off the bus for good. I let out a relieved breath. That will be nice. It will. You can relax, get some fresh air, shower if you want, she said with a smile. I know Im looking forwards to that. I returned the smile distractedly. I couldnt wait to shower. Even though Id showered probably less than an hour ago in real life, I felt grimy. I needed to shower in the fantasy too. I had brief memories of standing over the sink and scrubbing with a hand towel but it wasnt enough. I needed more. I needed to be able to shower properly and scrub the dry shampoo out of my hair. I was grateful that theyd given that to me, of course, but it was just making me feel less clean. Me too, I replied. Despite how slowly we were walking, we were approaching the bus. It was too soon. I couldnt walk any slower without just stopping. I looked back at the field in longing, wishing that I didnt have to return to my room so soon. Im sorry, Ms Brice said, watching me. I wish we had time for another lap but unfortunately, we must be on our way. The GSOD have given us an extremely short amount of time here and weve almost used it all up. I nodded reluctantly and looked back at the giant black bus which awaited me. I couldnt return to it. I didnt want to. The idea of going back was making me feel too claustrophobic, too trapped. The roast vegetable pasta? I heard the words float through to me from reality and I pushed myself to return. Here, please, I said, smiling gratefully at the waiter. 2.16 Was it intentional? My body felt less stiff as I walked back to the car. I could move a little easier, pain only gently nibbling at me rather than stabbing me. My stomach was perfectly full. The pasta has been exactly what I wanted and it was delicious. I was so glad that Id ordered it. The salmon must have been good too because Mom barely even judged me for ordering dessert. Shed even ordered a lemon meringue tart too. I mean, shed barely even touched it but I was surprised that she had ordered it. I was so glad that I had ordered that chocolate brownie though. It was perfectly fudgy and dense, the top crackled and dry but not too dry. And the honeycomb ice cream that came with it? Wonderful. Delicious. I was almost asleep, my mind so content from the delicious meal. It had been so good that Id barely even gone back into the other world. I mean, I had ducked in from time to time but I didnt stay for long. I was at my desk again, staring at the iPad. Id been there every time Id checked in. I couldnt help it now. As my mom slowly drove along the long tree-lined drive, my mind reached out for the fantasy. The iPad appeared in front of me and I looked at the screen blankly. I thought that going for a walk would have helped. Getting some fresh air and not being caged up for a little bit had to have helped, right? It didnt. It somehow made things so much hard. I was more restless now. I knew that the end was in sight, that in the morning Id get off the bus and never have to set foot on it again hopefully, but that made it worse. I just wanted to get there. I just wanted to be there already. I could feel impatience thrumming through me, making me want to get up and run around or punch something. I didnt know what to do with all of the restless energy that I had. There was nothing that I could do, not really. I was locked in a tiny room. There wasnt enough space to run or move around really. I was peddling, of course. My feet were moving constantly but that wasnt helping, it wasnt enough. A sigh slipped out of my mouth and I closed the module I was reading. It should have interested me. I knew that a day ago it would have, it was giving me an introduction to weapons, but I just couldnt focus. I just didnt care about it which felt wrong. My eyes, semi-glazed, slipped over the other available icons. I could learn about geography, politics, plants and poisons, physical fitness and more things but I just didnt feel any kind of spark of motivation or interest. My finger hovered over one of the icons, choosing at random more than anything else, but I couldnt force myself to click on it. With another sigh, my hand fell onto my lap. I didnt want to read anymore. I didnt want to watch any more videos or learn anything else. I just wanted to be done. Being trapped on the bus was almost as bad as being trapped in real life. Well, no, it wasnt, but it was close. I slipped my legs free of the pedals and stood up, stretching my arms out. I could almost touch both walls when I stretched. There wasnt much extra room there. It was only just big enough for my bed, not much else. I turned and stared at the space where my bed would lift out of the floor. I might as well just go to sleep. There was nothing stopping me. It was late enough, almost midnight. I could sleep and then maybe, when I woke up, Id be there. My lips twitched up in a slight smile as I slipped out of that world again. I didnt want to be there whilst getting changed and using the toilet before bed. I knew that I had no other options on the bus but the knowledge that there were definitely cameras in the room watching me at all times as I got ready to sleep made me so uncomfortable. I waited in reality, my eyes fixed on the world outside my window. It was starting to get dark out. The sun was already low in the sky and dusk had fallen over the rolling hills around us. It was beautiful in a way but maybe I was just too used to being trapped inside and I was finding being able to actually look out the window better than it was. I was tempted to roll down the window and breathe in the fresh air, something that I couldnt do on the bus, but I knew that my mom would find it weird. I reached out for the fantasy again, somehow knowing that I was finished getting ready, and returned just as the bed rose out of the floor. I watched it, feeling a hint of happiness flare within me. The bed was really comfy, much more comfortable than the bed I was sleeping on in real life. The duvet was thinner, a little bit too light, but the mattress was perfectly soft. There were no lumps or anything, no springs that jutted out and stabbed me. It was wonderful. I climbed into it as soon as I could, slipping under the covers and feeling some of the tension slip out of me as I rolled towards the screen on the window. It was clear that it wasnt real when I was that close to it. It felt a little off and something told me that, if the image was paused, I would be able to see the pixels. It was moving too fast for me to notice them now though. I wasnt sure where the video had been taken but it was pretty. The bus or car from the clip was weaving down a country road, the world dusky but not fully dark around it. Trees stretched up along the edge, their trunks coated with ivy and the space between them wild. Every so often, I got a flash of colour, a glimpse of wildflowers. Being that close to it was making me a little travel sick though. As much as I wanted to just stare out the window and let my eyes become unfocused, I knew that it would make me sick. I rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling above me. It wasnt enough though. I could still see the movement from the corner of my eye and that wasnt helping. Rolling all the way over, my gaze found my desk again. I couldnt just stare at it all night until I finally managed to fall asleep. That would drive me insane. My mind couldnt handle that, I knew it. But then I could go anywhere else, especially not in the fantasy. What if I went to a world thats as horrifying as the world I went to with Aaron? Or what if I go back there? It could happen, right? I mean, there had been so many different versions of me, of Beth. What if I went back and woke up as someone else who was actually Beth? Or what if shes been me the whole time? Maybe theres another me, in another world, who just continuously gets sucked into that world and theres no escape. Or maybe, the Beths that go to that world and die there are all different. They were all me, all from different worlds. That idea made me shudder and pulled a memory to the front of my mind. My dad wanted to call me Beth when I was born. Id forgotten that but Dad had told me about it once. Apparently, Beth was the name theyd decided on, my great-grandmother or someone on my dads side was called Beth and he wanted to name me after her but then when I was born, my mom decided that Grace was a better fit for me for some reason. There wasnt anyone in either of their families called Grace but my mom just liked it better. A shiver rocked me so strongly that I was dragged back to reality, nausea clawing at me. My hand tightened on my phone, needing to grip something, as my mom continued to slowly crawl down the country lanes. I let my eyes flutter shut as I fought against the queasiness and the thought that tease my mind. If I went back, if I purposely made my way back to that world, could I do something to break the loop so that Aaron isnt trapped there forever being tormented by my death? No. That was my immediate thought. I couldnt and I knew that somehow. There was a certainty, somewhere deep within my heart, that told me I would never be able to break the curse, if thats even what it was. No matter what I tried, no matter how much I fought, nothing would happen. I could run away, get as far as I could from that lake as possible, but Id either just wake up back in that room above Amys or nothing would happen. Id be trapped, running in circles, until I gave up and went back. Id tried before. I could remember that now but the memory was spotty, unsteady. Id tried to fight it, I tried to walk away but it never lasted. Even when I knew that going into the lake would kill me, it found a way to tempt me in. Once, I saw Aaron out there, my Aaron, drowning. His cries were so desperate, so frantic, that I jumped in before I could stop myself. Another time, it was Emma. Shed been my friend that time, wed both worked together at Amys. Id watched her drown, crying but convinced shed come back. She didnt. Ive seen enough people drown in that lake to know that Aaron and I are the only ones that come back. Ive tried everything. I tried quitting the diner but no one remembered it the next day. I tried talking to Aaron, telling him that I remembered and that we could find a way to do this to escape but then the lake killed so many people that he loved I couldnt keep watching that. He held himself at arms length after that time. He barely even spoke to anyone. I think he was too scared of seeing them die again. Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. There was nothing I could do to help him, I knew that. I wanted to but I couldnt. Nothing would ever help. I felt myself pull out of the fantasy, hovering somewhere just in between reality and the dreams. I could feel the sway of my moms car as we wound along the road but I could also hear the soft buzz of the bus in the other world. That wasnt enough though. I could feel my mind reaching out, searching for more. Being half in two worlds wasnt enough for me, not anymore. I needed a world that I could exist in completely, one where I wasnt just killing time or just about existing. I needed something more. I could feel them. It felt like my mind brushed against hundreds of other worlds, sometimes hesitating for just a moment as I felt the unique sensation of dizziness wash over me, tasting it before deciding against it. None of the worlds felt right. I wasnt sure what would feel right to me but it wasnt any of them. I was looking for something, searching for a specific sensation, but I couldnt find it. Nothing was right. Disappointment washed through me and I blinked, staring out into the darkness of the fields that surrounded the road. It was much darker now. I hadnt noticed night fall quite so quickly. We must have almost been home but there was no way of knowing, not in the darkness. The fields stretched out around us, there were no signs, nothing that even hinted where we were. I felt my eyebrows draw together as I noticed a light, somewhere out there in the distance. It was moving quickly, a little too quickly. It looked like whoever was holding it was running. My heart leapt as dizziness reached out and seized me, dragging me away. I let it though. It was the right kind of dizziness. I slumped back in my seat as vertigo hit me, the hard wooden pew sending pain ricocheting through my already aching back. My fingers were laced together but I squeezed them tightly, trying to regain control. I sucked in a tight breath, the air tasting musty yet familiar. I had no clue where I was, that was my first realisation. My second was that I was in a wedding dress. I stared down at myself blankly, sure that I was wrong. It was a white dress with a corset that dug into my ribs uncomfortably with every breath. It was so tight and it pushed my chest up, making it look like I had a much better figure than I did. It wasnt worth it though. I would much rather be able to breathe than look like I had a large chest. I was barefoot too. My feet dangled, not quite touching the floor. That felt wrong. Surely, I should wear shoes when Im getting married, if thats even whats happening. Dont people normally wear shoes? I mean, Id not really been to any wedding that I could remember but surely they did. I feel like I would have heard about it if they didnt. I looked up, still baffled. The thick veil obstructed my view slightly and made it harder to lift my head but I could still see enough. That didnt help my confusion though. I was sitting in the front row of a church with a line of other girls also wearing wedding dresses. They were all barefoot and wearing heavy veils like mine but their dresses were all unique. Not a single girl was looking up at the man at the front of the church, standing behind the pulpit. They were all staring down at their clasped hands, their heads bowed and their bodies still. No one else was looking around like I was but one of the others was moving. Her shoulders were rising and falling in jerky movements. She was crying. Why was she crying? Did she not want to get married? I didnt either, not really, but I didnt know what was going on and surely that girl did. Maybe that was why she was crying. She knew what was happening and who she was marrying. She looked young though, younger than me for sure. That felt wrong. Surely she couldnt be getting married, she was only twelve or thirteen. I looked back at the man standing at the front of the church again. His lips were moving. He was talking, his hands waving around with an impassioned, almost fervour, expression on his face. I couldnt hear him though. I had no clue what he was saying. I couldnt hear anything. Was I deaf in this world? I strained my ears, trying to pick out any kind of sound before shaking my head slightly. A rustling noise sounded close to my ears and I lifted a hand to touch the thick material that surrounded my head and face. There were two pieces to it. The veil and something tighter that covered my ears. It was intentional. They didnt want us to be able to hear whatever was being said. I reached towards the part covering my ears, intending to pull it out of the way so that I could hear, but something sharp prodded me hard in the back. I turned, my eyes landing on the severe-looking man behind me who was dressed in all black. His expression made me want to look away, to turn meekly back towards the front of the church but I refused. I allowed myself to duck my chin slightly, my gaze sliding past him to examine the rest of the people in the church. It was bigger than I expected but thin. There was only enough space for five or six people on each row of the pews with a small aisle between the two sides. The other people were seated away from us though. There was a gap of a few rows between the brides and the rest of the people with empty spaces between us apart from a few sporadically spaced men in black robes. Maybe they were leaving room for the grooms? Or maybe the grumpy old men were the grooms. Maybe thats why that other girl was crying. I fought the urge to smirk. I was being ridiculous and I knew it. The grumpy men were priests or something, clearly. They were probably there to make sure we did as we were meant to, whatever that was, and to make sure that the other people didnt get too close to us. My eyes found the people who werent in wedding dresses again. They looked weird. They were thin, gaunt almost, and they were watching the man at the front of the church with an almost hungry look on their faces. One of them, a man, must have felt my gaze on his face because his eyes found mine. There was a moment, a brief moment, where he stared at me before fear flitted across his features and he looked away quickly. That confused me. Why would he be scared of me? The others seemed to be too. Now that I had noticed it, I could see it. People were carefully not looking at me or the other brides but every so often, when they thought they could get away with it, their eyes would dart towards us. Whenever their gaze met mine, their eyes would widen and their faces would flush. Were they scared of me or were they not allowed to look at us? I was so distracted by that thought that I didnt notice the priest approaching behind me again. His hand darted out, stabbing me in the back with his pointy finger. I didnt turn though. I knew that I should have but I didnt want to. I lifted my chin, the heavy veil hurting my neck now, and glared at him. He didnt seem surprised. Maybe we knew each other already or maybe he was just used to brides being defiant. His sharp fingers dug into my shoulders and he forcibly turned me around so that I was facing forwards again. I jumped as an ice-cold foot found my leg and stared up at the girl next to me. Her eyes were fixed on her hands, which were clutched together in her lap just like mine. Her expression was perfectly pious but her foot, hidden under the skirt of her long dress and shielded from view of the strict men behind us, was pressed against my leg in a silent show of solidarity and support. I glanced at her face again. I was wrong. I had thought that she was perfectly submissive and accepting of whatever was happening to us but there was a fire burning in her eyes. She was furious. That confused me. I still had no clue what was happening but now, I searched for clues. My eyes scanned the church, trying to work it out, before landing on the giant stained glass at the front of the room. Light was barely shining through it which made it hard to see properly. It wasnt illuminated on the inside particularly well either. Huh. I looked around quickly, my eyebrows pulling together in confusion. There were no lights. The church was lit with candles. In fact, I continued scanning the room and ignoring the ache in my neck, there were no wires or electricity that I could see anywhere. That was weird. Was it normal for there to be nothing electric or modern in a church? I wasnt sure. Id only been to church a couple of times with my school. My mom didnt like religion, Im not sure why because shed never explained it, but she made a point for us to never go to church. I wasnt sure why though. Her parents were kind of religious. Im not sure if they actually believed or if they just went to church during major religious holidays and events because that was what was expected of them. Maybe they did it so that they could use religion to make themselves feel better than others. That wouldnt surprise me. Or maybe it was to impose even more rules on their kids and judge them for not sticking to impossible standards. Im not sure what the reason was but it meant I was unprepared and didnt know what was normal. Staring at the stained glass window, however, I realised that something was not normal. My head cocked to the side as I tried to take it in and work out what was happening. It showed a man standing on a crudely built wooden stage, his arms spread wide with fires burning behind him, but he was only addressing one person. There was a woman on the dirt in front of the stage. She was dressed in white, just like we were. Her hands were laced in front of her and, from what I could tell, her eyes were shut. It looked like a light was shining on her face. She looked peaceful, happy. The image made relief wash through me but I wasnt sure why. Something told me that I had stared at that very picture of the woman many times. I felt like it was giving me strength, even if I didnt remember anything about her or this world. It was weird, I should have. Normally, when I went to a new world, I could remember things straight away about my life there but here it was hard. The memories felt like they were locked away behind a gate or something. I could remember snippets, parts of my life but nothing more. There were faint memories of me walking through a dorm full of beds, of sitting in church, of being in a classroom with a chalkboard and one of the men dressed in the long black robes standing at the front and lecturing us on something, but I couldnt remember anything more. Was it intentional? Was the me of this world suppressing my memories? Or my access to them? Why would she? Could she even, intentionally or subconsciously? I really didnt know but there had to be something, there had to be some reason why I couldnt remember anything. Are you planning to leave the car? my mom asked sharply. I blinked, quickly returning to reality and looking around the dark car. We were sitting in the drive at my grandparents house but I had no clue how long wed been there. Oh yeah, sorry, I said quickly, glancing at my mom who was sitting next to me still. Her seatbelt was undone and she was looking at me expectantly. I hurried to unbuckle mine too and started to climb out of the car. I could feel her eyes on me as I walked towards the front door but I was already slipping back into the fantasy. 2.17 The One Who Sees All Reality passed by me and I could feel myself climbing the stairs but I was barely aware of it. Not really. I was enthralled by the priest standing at the front of the church. I longed to know what was happening in that world but I just couldnt work it out. I lifted my hand again, pretending that I had an itch, and pulled the thick covering away from my ear. I waited expectantly for one of the men dressed all in black to poke me in the back again but no prod came. It didnt matter though. The priest had finished talking. He had returned to his lectern or podium or whatever it was but now he was resting heavily on it, his head hung. His posture was slumped, his head bowed. I wasnt sure if he was praying or leaning on it for strength. I couldnt see his face, that would have helped me work out what was going on. He was silent for a moment longer and I glanced around at the rest of the congregation. They were all watching him, not a single person looked away or seemed to notice my eyes on their face. I wasnt sure why they were staring at him but it made me want to do the same. I turned back to face him just as he looked up again. His face was a mask of sorrow and mourning but then he met my gaze and my blood ran cold. There was something in his eyes, a wild spark of enjoyment or excitement. I felt myself recoil away from his gaze, folding in on myself and staring at my hands as if my display of subservience, my submissiveness, would protect me from whatever horrible plan he clearly had. I knew that it wouldnt though. My end was coming, my days were numbered. I was destined to die, I had been trained for it my whole life. I was ready. Confusion washed over me and I slowly lifted my head again. That was not my thought. I wasnt sure where it had come from but I knew for certain that it was not my thought. Id been in other heads before, in other mes, but never had anothers thoughts so clearly spoken into my head. Theyd never passed as my own. That one had. It had felt so natural, so normal. That made me uneasy. Stand, the man at the front of the church ordered with a wave of his hand for the benefit of the brides. The girls around me all stood as one and my body reacted before I could stop myself. It was automatic, wed been trained to do this. I knew the cue, I knew what was expected of me, but I didnt know what would happen next. I knew parts. We were to go outside and we had a walk ahead of us, but from there, my memories were empty. We had made the journey before, I could remember flashes of it. We had been forced to walk the path frequently. It used to be a rarity but recently, about a year ago, it had become a common thing. We did it once a week, every week after church. We had a private service, we werent allowed to fraternise or spend time with the others in the town. The only time I ever really saw them was during the walk through the village to the gates, as far as I could recall with my limited memory. But now, we were together. We were seated apart but at least we were in the church and the same time. And now they would accompany us to the end, wherever and whatever that was. The priest began to stride down the aisle, causing whispers to erupt in his wake. Not from myself and the other brides, we werent allowed to speak, but from the rest of the people. No, we stayed silent, unable to hear each other even if we did try. We didnt turn or move in any way until the black-robed men reached the aisle and signalled for us to leave our row and follow the priest who hadnt even slowed. Mine was the first to go. We filed out of the pew and began walking along the hard stone floors but our steps were silent. The worn slabs were icy beneath my feet, sending a chill through me. I knew that I was meant to keep my eyes on the floor and not to look up at the people as we walked past them but I couldnt. I just couldnt stop myself from meeting their gaze. I shouldnt have. The way they looked at me made me uneasy. I wasnt sure why or even what their expressions meant. They were too solemn, too serious. But, that time, they didnt look away. Im not sure why but each person I looked at met my gaze and held it. I was the one who looked away first. My neck ached as I stared at the floor again and my mind span, trying to work out what was going on. I was meant to be a bride, wasnt I? I was dressed in a wedding dress and so were the other girls, but then why was it such a sombre affair? Why were people looking at me like that? And where were the grooms? Surely, they should have been somewhere? Or maybe thats where we were going? I knew that we were about to make the journey through the village towards the gate but maybe that was what lay on the other side. Or maybe there were carriages there to take us to see the grooms? That made sense. The grooms could have been from neighbouring villages or something and we were going to make the journey to go see them. I mean, that explained it. It didnt though and even as I thought it, I knew that it was wrong. It just didnt feel right. I knew that something else was about to happen, I just wasnt sure what. We emerged from the church and continued following the priest in a single file. The compacted mud beneath my feet was warmer than the stone slabs of the church, thankfully, and I scanned my surroundings carefully, surprise rushing through me. I recognised the place. I had never been there before, obviously, but it was familiar to part of me at least. I had been there before, walked into the church countless times. The buildings, even though they were slightly familiar, were like nothing I had ever seen before. They were houses, yes, but they looked strangely primitive. Most of them were small, apart from the clergy house that was tucked away just behind the church and the building where Id lived for the last eight years or so. They were both a little grander, bigger and with stained glass windows, just like the church. They both had proper tiled roofs rather than the strange thatched ones, which stretched out much further than the houses below them, which the rest of the houses that I could see had. The other houses were clustered too. There had to be some system to it but, to me, it just looked random. They were strewn haphazardly with thin tracks of worn mud branching off the main path and leading up to the doorways. And there was something painted on the doors. A white circle. It was crudely done and the paint had dripped, making it seem like the circle were crying. I looked around. Every single house around me had one. The circles didnt look permanent though. Surely, if they were, they wouldnt look so hurried. It would have been painted neatly, right? Our home didnt have a circle though, I realised. Neither did the clergy house. That had to mean something. Was it linked to whatever we were doing? To why we were dressed in wedding dresses? I wasnt sure but I pushed the thought out of my head, looking down again to give my sore neck a rest. It felt strange walking away from the building where I had lived with my other brides. No, that name felt wrong. Sisters. They were my sisters. Maybe not biologically but there was more to it than that. I had been there for so long, I could barely remember my life before but now I got flashes. I had grown up in the village or town or whatever it was. I lived there with my parents and someone else. My brother. He was older than me but not by much. I could barely remember him and I didnt think I was meant to. We were told not to, I think. There was a faint memory of someone telling me that my family didnt matter, not anymore. I wasnt a part of it, I was better. All that mattered was my duty. I couldnt remember what my duty was but I knew it was to do with why I was wearing a dress. Maybe I was being married off to a prince or a king or something. That would be cool. Id become a princess or a queen. I think Id like that. Id be able to be in control, in command. I could tell people what to do and make sure that theyre well looked after. I could make people happy. That thought took me by surprise and filled me with such longing, such hope, that it almost made my chest hurt. I think I would enjoy being a ruler. It would be a lot of pressure but I could do it. I think. Maybe it would be too much pressure and I would crumble. Or maybe Id do the opposite. Maybe Id go wildly in the other direction and become so overbearing, so controlling, that people hate me and then what? At what point does one stop being a ruler and start being a dictator and would I feel it coming? Or would I slip so quickly, so seamlessly, into it that I didnt notice the change? Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Maybe someday, I would find out but I knew that it wouldnt be happening then. Not in that world. There was too much finality to how I was feeling. The end was coming and I was ready. No, I wasnt. I was furious and ready to fight, conflicted. It was my duty to die, I knew that. I could hear voices telling me that, memories, priests throughout my life have told me that it was my duty but why? That is what I couldnt work out. Why and how? I didnt have much time to figure it out though. We were approaching the giant wooden fence that marked the edge of our town. The term fence didnt seem to do it justice. It was a giant thing, towering over the nearby houses, and reinforced with metal. Huge jagged spikes had been placed on top, pointing slightly outwards, some covered in downy feathers. That was where my walk had ended every week. We never left the gates, there was no point. We didnt know what awaited us out there but, somehow I knew, by the end of the day I would have my answer. The priest did not slow as he approached the small wooden stage that stood to one side of the gate and I found my gaze drawn to the space. It had a built-in podium in one corner at the front but the rest of it was empty, blank. Thats where we were being led. They instructed us with hand motions to climb onto the stage and stand in a line, shoulder to shoulder with my sisters. I could barely hear anything as we waited on the worn stage for the crowd to appear. There were more people now than had been in the church. It seemed like everyone had come out to witness whatever was about to happen. A steady stream were still making their way down the path but the priest seemed bored. Maybe he was just looking forwards to what was about to happen too much. He was, I knew that he was. He had been counting down the days to this moment ever since Id first met him and I knew it. The moment he walked into my classroom, I knew I was going to be chosen. Bargaining hadnt worked, the threats hadnt worked, nothing had. I was too young, too strong-willed. I was not willing to leave school at the age of eight, I was not willing to marry the blacksmiths son who was nine years older than me and cruel. I ran but there was only so far I could go in this small enclosed town. I fought, I screamed. I hid in the barns, ignored the beatings, and continued to go to school. Now I could remember it. I could remember the priest turning up at my school, the better school in the town, the one for the richer peoples kids. He brought me out of class, took me to the nearest chapel and told me that he had wonderful news. After all, it is an honour to be chosen. The One Who Sees All does not choose just any girl for this duty, he chooses the ones who are worthy. It was random, thats what they always said. My parents always told me that but there were some not-so-subtle warnings. They were threats, they always were I just didnt realise that at the time. For years, all of my life really, whenever I did something that they didnt like or that they thought wasnt appropriate for a girl of my position, theyd say if Im not careful or if I make a fuss, the One Who Sees All will see me and it will not be good. I thought thats what had happened but now I know it wasnt. We were told that the girls were chosen because of a vision from the One Who Sees All. The priest or the bishops receive a message from the One Who Sees All, a joyous announcement that another girl had been chosen to fulfil our purpose and protect the villagers. I believed that before. I was stupid enough to believe that it could be that simple, that holy. I truly believed that, if it were my purpose, I would be chosen but if not, I had a choice for what I wanted to do with my life. But I was wrong. I have never had a choice, my life has never been my own. Before, it was controlled by my parents. I was forced to do what they said and they would choose who I was to marry and then it was chosen by the priest and his underlings. I have never had free will. I have never had freedom. I think it would have been easier if I never got to know any of the other girls. Maybe then I could have believed in the One Who Sees All. I could have gone to my grave, doing as I have been taught for the last eight years, but now that was impossible. I could not simply believe that the girls around me, the trouble makers, the angry ones, the disappointments, just happened to be chosen by some higher power whose brilliance we will never understand. No, we were chosen because it was too dangerous to allow us to live. We were chosen because we would fight. Finally, enough of a crowd had gathered. The priest stood straight and shoved the slightly smug smile from his face, replacing it with an appropriately grave expression. It didnt really matter though. People were finally looking at us. I hadnt noticed before, I was too wrapped up in the memories that werent mine but I finally had access to. The crowd were looking at me and the other fifteen or so sisters who stood on the stage. They were finally allowed to. Their expressions were just as telling as the priests. Some members of the crowd stared at us in awe or even jealousy. I think they expected us to be honoured to be chosen. They were the majority who didnt know how this worked, they didnt know how we had been selected. The ones who did had more interesting expressions. Some looked guilty, some sad whilst others looked vengeful. My mothers expression was vindictive. I had found her in the crowd. She didnt look anything like my mom in the other world, her hair wasnt blonde and her face was completely different, but I still knew it was her. My father was somewhere behind her, my brother and his pregnant wife were with them too, but I didnt look away from my mom. She wanted me to. She wanted me to look down, to be submissive and to show that my years living in preparation for what was to come had broken me but it didnt. Instead, it drove all anger inwards. It strengthened me, made me harder. I was not ready to break, I was not ready to die. I would, that was inevitable, but at least I would finally be free. Thats all that mattered. Thank you for gathering here today, the priest began in that same grating voice that he had used inside, his words making it seem like any of us had a choice. Today, on the equinox, we give thanks to the One Who Sees All for protecting us for another year. It has not been an easy year. Our crops have been taken from us, our animals snatched during the night. My fellow brother and I have spent many nights in communion with He Who Sees All. He paused and the crowd was silent but I had to fight the urge not to roll my eyes at how ridiculous and over the top he was being. It was stupid. Beside me, a girl let out a loud giggle. She didnt even try to hide it and I felt admiration flow through me.None of the other brides would be able to hear it unless they had adjusted their veils and head covers but I could. It was risky, I knew it was, but they wouldnt do anything to her, not when we were so close. Not in front of everyone. They wouldnt dare. Even so, I slipped my hand into hers, our fingers interlocking. I wanted to whisper to her to be careful, to be safe, but I couldnt. Everyone would see. They wouldnt be able to see our hands though. I knew that they would be hidden by the shorter, younger girl who stood in front of us. We were amongst the eldest there. I wasnt sure how old I was in this world but I knew that I was older. Some of the girls were about our age but most were younger. The one in front of me barely came up to my chest. They liked to wait until we were a little older, if possible, but it wasnt that year. They said that it was easier when we were older, we were better suited for what was to come. We were faster. We couldnt be too old though, that was risky. I had fragments of memories of the priest and bishops telling me that, it had happened time and time again. If we were older, we may no longer be pure. The One Who Sees All wouldnt like that. Only those who were pure, untouched by others, may undergo this great honour. I heard the sarcasm that thought carried even inside my head. We had been warned often about what would happen if we succumbed and allowed ourselves to give in to our bodily urges. We would no longer be allowed to wear white, we would no longer be allowed this great undertaking. The One Who Sees All would see what we had done and that we were no longer worthy and they would cast us out. A smirk grew on my lips so wide that I felt myself smile in reality. Clearly, based on the flashes of memories that flooded me, the One Who Sees All didnt actually see everything. I could remember them, the moments, brief escapes. I didnt want to go to my death pure and untouched. I wanted to experience everything. Plus, nights got very lonely in our dorms and we got curious. Of course, once we learnt how to sneak out and that not everyone in the village was scared of looking at us or even speaking to us, we got a little bit less bored but a whole lot more curious. My smirk turned into a full grin and I had to look down as I recalled the nights that we had spent together. I could almost feel his lips on mine, his hands gripping my hips and my hands laced through this hair as his body moved against mine. I was impure, according to the church, but I stood there, in white and unseen by the One Who apparently Sees All. He wasnt even the only one. There were ones before him but they didnt matter to me, not like he did. Every experience paled in comparison to the ones with him. No one saw me quite like he did. He wasnt there though. My eyes scanned the crowd but I didnt see him. I was glad. I didnt want him to see what was to come. This was, he could move on, choose a wife. We both knew that was how this would end. There could be no future with me, I dont have a future. I could feel that those thoughts were not my own but they were so strong, so full of power and anger, that I didnt care. I let them wash over me, come from me, and simply listened. Finally, the priest stopped talking. Maybe I should have been listening to him, then I might have known what was coming. I didnt though. I was too distracted by my thoughts, too distracted trying to remember my life. If I had, if I had listened to him, would anything have changed? I dont think so. The man turned towards us and lifted his hands, gesturing for us to remove our veils and the thick material that covered our ears. I moved in tandem with my sisters, lifting the veil from my head and letting the heavy fabric hang by my side, my fist clutching it tightly. The gentle breeze blew my now loose hair back and caressed my face. It was a nice evening, warm. The sun was low in the sky which lit the clouds in dazzling colours. Gold, purple and red were streaked across it but I could see something beyond them. The stars were starting to shine through. It was a beautiful evening and it filled me with peace. Maybe I would just let it happen. Maybe I could just lie down and stare at the stars until they finish feasting on my flesh. 2.18 As long as I was silent, I was safe. That thought chilled me. I was so ready to die, even though there was a fight bubbling within me beneath the surface. It was difficult. I knew that it wasnt my fight, it wasnt my world and those thoughts werent my own, but at the same time, I was furious. In that world, I had been trained, prepared, my whole life to accept what was to come and to die. But I didnt want that to happen. It was inevitable, there was no fight to be had, but I wanted to fight. Who would I even fight? The priest? The bishops? No. That wouldnt work. They would fight back and the town would too. We were being sent out, it was to protect the others. Did they deserve it? I still didnt really know what was happening but I knew that I was being sent out there to die somehow. That something was waiting for us beyond the gates and that would be it. Our lives would be over. I looked down at the dress I was wearing and everything clicked into place. We werent brides. The outfits were intentional but we werent brides. They wanted us to be visible, to look pure and virginal, like they claim brides should be. They argue that our souls will join the One Who Sees All, that we will become his brides, but that was a lie. The town made a show of it, they liked to use it as a reminder to the younger girls, to show them that they were never truly safe. They thought that would keep them in line and stop them from acting out too much. For the rest of the people, the church liked to show them that they were actually doing something to help. They liked to pretend that throwing a bunch of defenceless girls out to whatever waited for us beyond the gates made the things, that haunted our nightmares and kept us scared and cowering inside whenever the sun went down, were controllable. They needed people to believe that even when their animals were snatched in the night and their crops destroyed. It kept people passive, it stopped them from fighting back. After all, the creatures were sent from the One Below to punish us. It was only because of the One Who Sees Alls kindness that we were allowed to live and, with His blessing, our deaths would be quick. Painless. I knew that was a lie, both versions of me did. What was coming would hurt. I would be ripped apart by the monsters I had caught just glimpses of before. We weren''t allowed to see them, of course. That would defeat the purpose. If we saw them, if we saw the razor-sharp claws that glinted in the moonlight or the teeth that clearly had the power to bite through skin and bones without hesitation, we wouldn''t have gone willingly. They needed that. The priest didnt want us to put up a fight which is why they lied and told us that we were chosen by god and that it wouldnt hurt to die. We knew they were lies but we didnt question them. Why would we? It was inevitable, what was about to happen. If we refused to go out, theyd force us out anyway. Its better to walk willingly into the unknown, right? To go out to our deaths with our heads held high. Grace, are you almost finished in there? my mom asked, knocking sharply on the bathroom door. I blinked, dizziness rushing through me and I quickly took in my surroundings. I was sitting on the toilet and I had no clue how long I had been there but my feet were numb so it was probably a while. I needed an excuse. My eyes fell on my toiletries bag. No, I said quickly. My hair is really dry so Im doing a deep conditioning mask and then Im going to shower. I heard her sigh through the door. She didnt bother replying to me but she grumbled under her breath as she stormed away. I dont know why she was so angry about it. There was another bathroom at the bottom of the stairs so she didnt have to go far and I knew that she wasnt going to shower. She always showered in the morning. It didnt matter, I was already returning to the other world. The priest was looking at us and talking, the breeze was caressing my skin and my sister clutched my hand tightly but my mind was elsewhere. I had done it one night. I knew that I shouldnt have and I knew how risky it was but I was curious. I climbed onto the roof of my parents house, knowing how dumb it was, the boy following me. It was a deliberate choice, even if it was a stupid one. If one of the creatures were to sweep down and attack us for being out in the open at night, I wanted it to happen there. I would push the boy away, hopefully off the roof, and I wouldnt even fight. My parents house would be damaged and stained with my blood. They deserved it. I wanted them to be marked forever because of the decision they made for me. They didnt come for me that night, though. I was a little disappointed, if Im being honest. I was ready but, as I stood on the wooden stage, staring out at the people who were about to watch us walk to our deaths and then go home and be safe, I realised I was no longer ready. I didnt want to do it anymore, I didnt want to die. But there was no alternative. There was no way for me to survive apart from if there was some form of divine intervention but I was pretty sure that wasnt going to come. It wouldnt, couldnt. There was no way that the One Who Sees All would spare me, I knew that. I hadnt lived a pure life. I had actively made immoral decisions, I had been rude and difficult. I didnt try to live my life according to the teachings that were forced upon us. The One Who Sees All would not intervene and help me. The girl next to me squeezed my hand as a loud noise echoed through the air. It was somewhere between a bird cry and a laugh, the sound harsh and seeming to come from all directions. The effect was immediate. The crowd ducked, some scattered, running for cover. The priest and bishops looked up at the sky, trying to find the creature. I did the same, my eyes scanning the darkening sky. I couldnt see it though. There were some dots on the horizon but they were so far away that I couldnt be sure what they were. We still had time. Not much but some. It scared the priest though, I think. He looked at us before looking back at the crowd. We hadnt moved. My sisters and I had not even faltered. There was no point, they would be our end even if we ran. Plus, they wanted us to run. Once we were thrust out into the world beyond the fence, we were expected to scatter. We had to give the creatures a challenge. To make it fun for them so that they didnt choose to go after the people in the village. And now, it is time for one final prayer to the One Who Sees All, thanking Him for the decision He has made and asking him to be with our daughters as the end arrives and to protect them from the One Below, the priest called over the noise of people chattering fearfully. Please, join me in silent prayer. I had never seen this part before. Everyone in the village had to bear witness to it but not us. We werent allowed to see what was about to happen, it might corrupt us, we were told. I think they just didnt want us to hear the screams that followed but that didnt work. They were too loud, we always heard them. At first, when I was younger and dumber, I actually looked forwards to that day every year. Everyone had to go to the ceremony so we had free rein of the building. It was great. Wed break into the pantry, eat all of the sweets and cakes that the bishops hid, take long luxurious baths, or find the wine that was stashed away for church events. Sometimes wed try and clean everything up before they got back but the evening always turned sombre. Once the night sky was filled with screaming that nothing, not even endless bottles of wine, could drown out, we gave up. It changed things. It made things too real and reminded us of what was to come. The waiting was the hardest part, I think. For me, at least. Some of the girls seemed to believe what the priest had said, they didnt mind waiting because it was what the One Who Sees All wanted, but I hated it. Some of the others did too, like Sally. She was in our dorm but it became too much for her. The bishops tried talking to her after she broke down during a church service one day. Im not sure what triggered it exactly or what they said to her when they hurried her from the room but she wasnt the same after. She climbed over the fence a couple days later. I dont know how she did it because that thing was a solid wooden mess but we all heard the noise when the creatures found her. She couldnt run, the fall had robbed her of that ability, I assume. They had said she was selfish for doing that. That she had risked everyone in the town. Thank you, the priest said before turning towards us. What are you doing in there? my moms voice called through the door. Panic and dizziness rushed through me. I was literally just standing in the middle of the room, staring blankly at the wall. I hadnt been doing anything, my phone was still in my pocket. One hand shot out to brace myself on the wall and I looked around, my eyes finding my reflection. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. Relief hit me. I had already put the hair mask in without realising. That made it easier. I heard my mom rattle the door handle, feeling grateful that the lock was a sliding bolt. There was no way she could open it from the outside. Im just waiting for the hair mask to soak in, I called back to her. There was a moment of silence and I knew that my mom didnt believe me. She would be suspicious that I was up to no good in the bathroom, that Id suck in alcohol or drugs or was texting a boy or something. Fine. Dont leave it in for too long, your hair will get greasy, she told me. Okay, I replied, not bothering to wait until her footsteps disappeared down the hall to slip back into the dream. We were moving. The ground was solid beneath my feet, barely used compared to the rest of the paths. My hand was still clasping the other girls but we were no longer on the stage. I stared at the bishops who were lifting the heavy wooden beams away from the gate, preparing to open it. It was time. The end was here. My death awaited me just a few steps away. A violent shudder of fear ripped through me and I wanted to cry. I had planned to walk out of the town with my shin held high but I couldnt do it. My grip on Isabelle, that was her name, tightened. I didnt want to die alone. With a loud thud that shook the very ground beneath my bare feet, the bishops dropped the beams. It was happening too fast, it was all too soon. Girls, the priest said, causing us to turn. He was standing in front of the crowd behind us so that, if anything was waiting on the other side of the gates, wed be eaten before him. You know your duties. Go fulfil the divine mission that the One Who Sees All entrusted to you. That was it. That was the only goodbye we were getting. And he was smirking at us. The crowd couldnt see but we could. He looked thrilled. I bet he couldnt wait to hear us be killed. Hed probably fall asleep with his windows open, listening to the symphony of our deaths. I wanted to attack him. I longed to wait until the gate was open and then pounce on him. I wasnt sure if I would drag him out beyond the wall or if I would just hit him, making it so they couldnt shut the gate. Maybe, it would take so long that the creatures that the One Below sent would arrive and theyd kill him and everyone in the village too. Movement towards the back of the crowd caught my eye. Jasper. He said he wouldnt come, why did he? His gaze was fixed on mine and, even from how far away he was, I could see that he was crying. He didnt want me to go. I didnt want to either. I longed to rush towards him, collapse into his arms and let him hold me, whispering that I was safe, that Id be okay. He was a good person, a good man. Thats the thing that hurt me the most. If I had met him before, before my parents had sent me to the priest, I probably wouldnt be in that position. His dad was respected, he built half of the houses in the village, people looked up to him and Jasper was already proving himself to be just as skilled. My parents would have accepted that match, we would have been happy together. But it was too late. My fate had already been determined. I wished he hadnt come. He promised me he wouldnt. That would have made my decision easier, I could have been selfish. I couldnt do that anymore. Not once I saw him. I needed to protect him, even if it meant I had to die. I turned back towards the gates, catching a glimpse of the field beyond through the crack in between the doors. The other girls copied me but the soft sound of sobbing filled the air. They didnt want to go either. I needed to be strong for them, even if I hated it and everything about what was to happen. If we stayed, more people would die. We had to go. I had to protect Jasper. That thought gave me enough strength to hold my tears in and keep my posture straight as I walked out of the town I had lived in my whole life. The rest of the girls followed, my movement snapping them out of their indecision and fear. One girl sprinted past me, loud sobs echoing after her, but the next girl was silent. A smile was on her face as she started to jog, eager to give the monsters what they needed for the One Who Sees All. He requested we run, after all. I hadnt really thought about that before but now I realised why they had made such a big point of the fact that we needed to run as soon as we were out of the gates. It was so that we would be further away when the monsters reached us and they hopefully wouldn''t notice the village or theyd be too distracted by us. We were the better hunt after all. Another screech sounded, causing most of the other girls to shriek in fear and began running. I did too, bounding forwards towards the long grass that surrounded our town, looking around for Isabelle. If we reached the forest all the way in the distance, maybe wed be free. We could just about see it from the roof of the church. Wed promised each other wed try and get there but now I couldnt see her. It was stupid, I knew it was, but I slowed. My eyes were searching the space, looking for Issy. It should have been easy. Her white dress had a bow on the back of it, no one elses did. I came to a stop, turning slowly. She was still standing by the now-closed gate. She had barely even moved. Her gaze found mine. What are you doing? I shouted over the noise of my sisters crying and running, the swish of the long grass against their dresses surprisingly loud. Im waiting, she replied simply. For what? I should have run, I should have followed the instructions but I started walking towards her instead. It didnt take long for me to reach her. Them, she said, her eyes finding the giant bird creatures in the sky. They were getting closer. I looked back at her. Issy, we have to run, I said, my tone pleading as I reached out and took her hand. I dont know why it mattered to me so much. It was stupid but I think I thought we had a better chance of survival if we ran. Im staying here, Gracie, she told me, lifting a hand to tuck my hair behind my ear. This is where Im going to die, I want them to hear it. I want my family to hear it. But, if we run Nothing will happen. The One Who Sees All wont save us. Theres a better chance that the One below will, she said with a soft chuckle. I could see that shed made her decision. Her expression was determined but I still needed to try. She was my best friend, my sister. Please, Issy, I whispered, tears burning behind my eyes. She shook her head and stepped back slightly. Im dying here, Gracie. Im ready to. You need to run. Youre better than me, purer than me. Maybe youll be saved, she said. Neither of us believed it. I think she just didnt want me to be there when she died. It was selfish but I didnt want to be. I didnt want to see it. One day Ill see you again, I told her, stepping forwards and leaning my forehead against hers in a move Id seen older women use with their family. In the Eternal Plains. The promised afterlife. I scoffed whenever the priest or bishop mentioned it normally but at that moment, I wanted to believe it existed. Ill save you a space, she told me. But youre going to escape. Youll be old and withered by the time you get there. I laughed but it was more of a sob. I love you. I love you. Now, go, she said, pushing me away. You need to run. Escape, Gracie. Do it for both of us. I couldnt let go of her hand. Tears blinded me and I didnt want to go but she pushed me again. Turning, I started to walk across the sunbaked mud away from my sister, trying to hold back tears. Harpies shrieked again, the noise so close to me. It was enough to send fear through my heart and clear my mind. I needed to run. I had to try. I glanced back at Issy one last time as she sunk to the ground, leaning heavily against the gate, a hand touching her stomach. I had to run. Swiping away my tears and taking a deep, shuddering breath, I started to sprint. I could barely see. The grass got taller the further away from the village I ran until it was taller than I was. I raced blindly, sometimes seeing flashes of the other girls but I tried to ignore their paths. I couldnt follow them. If we stayed together, there was more of a chance that wed be caught but if we split up, we were safer. Or, at least, thats how it felt. Im not sure if it was true. My foot landed on something sharp, forcing me to stop. I looked down, barely able to see the giant thistle Id stepped on. I walked a few careful steps away, looking around and glancing at the sky. The harpies were almost at us. They crowed in celebration and excitement, eager to feast. I needed to keep moving but I had to deal with my foot first. I was in too much pain, I couldnt run like that. I balanced carefully, lifting my foot to stare at my sole. A few stray scraps of spiky thistle clung to it and I peeled them off quickly. I didnt have time to do anything more. I needed to keep moving. Moving at a slower pace, my foot still throbbing with pain, I continued through the wilderness as the cries from the creatures got louder and louder until suddenly a scream pierced the air. I stared in the direction of the shout as a wet crunch sounded, followed by silence. The girl was dead. One of my sisters was dead. I didnt know which one but I couldnt stop to think about it. I started to run again. Long grass whipped my legs and thistles stung my feet as more and more screams filled the air. Some were so close to me and I hated that I did nothing to help them but I couldnt stop moving. I needed to try, I had to get away. My head whipped from side to side as I ran. It was too dark, I could barely see where I was going and I had no plan other than to move as quickly as I could away from the village. A bird cry sounded just above me and I ducked instinctively, my hand pressing against my mouth to muffle my terrified sob. Whimpers and cries filled the air, the noise oppressive and suffocating. My sisters, my fellow sacrifices, were dying. They were being ripped apart by ungodly creatures. Just like they were meant to. I pushed myself up again, darting forward. My chest was so tight it hurt and the stitch in my side felt like I was being stabbed with each breath but I kept going. I had to be close to the forest that lined the wilderness around our village. If I got there, maybe Id be safe. But I never got to find out. My left foot came down hard on something that splinted and gave way, impaling me. I fell hard, my breath leaving me in a whoosh. I was dazed, stunned by the pain that made lights explode in my vision, and for a moment, I couldnt even breathe. Then I heard the noise. The loud, wet panting that wed told stories about in the night when we were younger and it seemed like wed never be sent to face the creature. Im sure they have a name but I didnt know it. Even the priests didnt call them by name, just description. Helplessness gripped me and I stayed on the floor as the lumbering creature passed me. It was blind, I knew that. It had no sense of smell either. As long as I was silent, I was safe. Wed been told they were once men. That they were people who turned their backs on the One Who Sees All and that was how he had decided to punish them. I didnt know if I believed that, I probably didnt, but I couldnt move until I could no longer hear its gasping breaths. There would be more around, I needed to keep moving. 2.19 There would be no divine intervention. Tears stung my eyes but I couldnt let them fall. I wouldnt let them. The monsters footsteps had moved past me and now, I needed to move. I was so close to the forest, so close to safety. I just had to make it there. I wasnt sure if my salvation truly lay amongst the trees but I needed to believe it. I needed to believe that there was a way out of this. I held my breath and tried to pick out the sounds of footsteps nearby but I couldnt hear anything other than the occasional screams of my sisters as they died. Clamping a hand over my mouth to stifle the gasp of pain, I rolled over as quietly as I could. Tears finally sprang free of my eyes. My foot was held awkwardly but I was scared to let it touch the floor. I had no clue what I had stepped on, I just knew it was bad. My body shaking with silent sobs and tears dripping down my face, I sat up and stared at my foot in confusion. Something almost the length of my forearm was stuck through my foot. A sharp and jagged white stick protruded from the top, the end splintered and sharp. I knew how dangerous it was and that it was the wrong decision, but I had to pull it out. If I left it in, it wouldnt bleed as much, however, I knew that I wouldnt be able to move as fast. It was the better option for my escape. I didnt need to make it far, after all. As long as I got to the trees, I would be fine. There would be someone there who could help me. Some futuristic society or something that could heal a wound with just a spray or something. It was fine, it would be fine. I wrapped one hand around the bottom of the stick, the other one holding my leg up, and looked around. The screams had quietened slightly which meant that I could hear the movement of the creatures near me, the flapping of their wings in the sky far too close for comfort. I didnt have time to waste. I sucked in a breath and held it before pulling as hard as I could. Nausea crashed into me and the world began to twist lazily, white spots exploding in my vision. I blinked, trying to keep my unsteady grip on consciousness. I knew that, if I were to let it take me, I would never wake up again. The monsters would find me in a puddle of my own blood and they wouldnt hesitate to attack. But, maybe that would be better. Then, at least I wouldnt feel it. I would just fall asleep and never wake up. It would be over. The thought was tempting, so painfully tempting, but I couldnt do it. I should have but I couldnt. I wanted to live. A shaky breath chased away some of the dizziness, making my vision clear enough for me to stare down at my foot and the stick I had clutched in my hand. I could see shards of the wood sticking out of my now rapidly bleeding wound but my hands were shaking too much to be able to do anything about it. I started to drop the wood before something about it caught my eye. My brain couldnt work out what I was looking at, or maybe it just didnt want to. The stick was round, which was normal enough, but there were marks on it, gouges, as if something had been chewing it. My blood coated most of the length but some had been wiped clean when I had pulled it out. Disgust gripped me and I looked away from it, my eyes finding the pile of bones near my feet that I had stepped on. My brain worked slowly but as soon as I realised what I had been impaled by, vomit forced its way up my throat and out of my mouth. Liquid splashed against my cheeks as I tried to be as quiet as possible, leaning over so that my face was almost touching the sun-baked ground to minimise the noise. I had stood on the bones of my sisters. It could have been one of the girls who had been thrown out of the town during the last sacrifice. Maybe Macy. She was always so kind to me. Or even Delilah. She used to read to the younger girls when they had nightmares to help them get back to sleep. She didnt deserve to be sent out, she wasnt a bad person, her family just had too many kids and she was the youngest. My heart ached, the weight of terror and sadness over the unfairness of everything physically hurt me but I needed to go on. I couldnt just wait for the monsters to find me, not when I still had a chance. But I couldnt run. I wouldnt be able to stand again with the gaping hole in my foot. Rolling onto my hands and knees, I tried to keep my foot lifted. I started to crawl, my knees hurting and my hands stinging as thistles and other sharp things tore at them. My vision was cloudy, tears and pain making it hard to see and even harder to avoid the bones which seemed to litter the ground. How many of my sisters lay in that field forever? If I got out, if I managed to survive, I will come back, I promised myself. My sisters deserved a proper burial and I would be the one to give them that. No one else would. Blood trickled along the back of my leg towards my knee, pooling in the crevice and almost tickling me. The pain was fading, being replaced with something much more terrifying. Numbness. I could barely feel my foot. It felt like I was floating, unattached to my body. Just above me, a harpy shrieked. I froze, my body tensing, sure that it had spotted me and that my end was here. I couldnt move as it screamed again, the noise guttural and far too human. Maybe it once was. Maybe impure men turned into the ground-bound creatures around me, women turned into harpies. The cry sounded again and I looked up, knowing that the moment might attract its attention. It was near but it wasnt circling me, I didnt think. It was too far to the right. One of my sisters must have been there. My fingers dug into the dirt. I couldnt go and fight with her. I wasnt able to fight at all in my current state, I would drag us both down. If she was that close to the forest, maybe she could make it even without my help. A sudden terror-filled scream told me that she had not made it to the safety. A rush of footsteps sounded, far too close to me. They were too loud, too uncaring to be one of my sisters. It must have been a monster. That meant I needed to be even more cautious, it was too near. I started moving again, crawling at an almost painfully slow speed and straining my ears to pick up any sounds but I couldnt hear anything over the sobs of my sister and the ripping of her flesh. My eyes had been fixed on the ground, making sure that I didnt lean on any bone or anything else that would make noise, but I took a chance. I needed to know where I was, if I was almost at the forest or even going in the right direction. My strength was deserting me fast and I was getting dizzy, probably from blood loss. My hands were cold and my face stung from how hard I had been crying, but I still shouldnt have looked up. That was my mistake. My hand landed on something that had been covered by long grass. It held my weight for just a moment before giving way with a bone-chilling crunch. Something wet and oozing engulfed my hand, the smell reaching my nose immediately. It was rancid. I didnt know what it was but I knew that. The stench of rotting flesh made bile rise in my throat again and I recoiled back, dragging my hand out of whatever it had been in. Thick, congealed and bug-infested blood clung to my fingers, gleaming dully in the light of the full moon. I could feel the bloated white creatures wriggling on my skin, delighting in the fresh blood that welled from the cuts on my hand. I reacted automatically, crawling backwards and trying to rub the gore off of me. I wasnt paying enough attention to how I was moving and my injured foot hit the ground. White hot pain shot through me and a hiss escaped my gritted teeth before I could stop it. It was quiet, so quiet. The noise was barely even audible in the night. My fingertips hurt as I gripped the ground as hard as I could, begging myself not to make another noise or move at all. Tears dripped from my chin onto the ground and I couldnt breathe. My chest ached from the strain. The world was silent, waiting with bated breath, to see if I had been caught. My racing heartbeat was the only thing I could hear other than the soft susurration of wind through the dry grass. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Please, I begged of the One Who Sees All, please let me live. Hope started to grow in me. Maybe He had listened to me. Maybe He had viewed my soul, seen how much I wanted to live, and judged me worthy. I truly thought for a moment that I was going to be safe. Just above me, a harpy cried out, the noise victorious. My brief reverie was shattered as pounding footsteps started racing towards me. I was out of time, they knew where I was. I started moving again, not caring about being quiet or careful anymore, I just needed to move. The forest was so close, if I could get there I never had a chance to finish that thought. Something crashed into me, landing heavily on my back and forcing the air out of me. My limbs sprawled outwards and I smashed into the ground. I was taught to give up once the monsters found me, to not fight and make it easier for them. Theyd caught me, after all. They deserved their prize. I couldnt do it though. I buckled, ignoring the pain in my foot and hands, slamming my elbow back into any part of the creature that I could. It was surprisingly solid and I dont know where I hit but the monster on my back let out a bloodcurdling roar. My hair stood on end and a whimper slipped out of my lips as a hand threaded into my hair. I tried to fight against it, feeling my hair being ripped free from my scalp, but it was too strong. I couldnt escape. The thing wrenched my head to the side, exposing my neck. They told us we would feel peace. I should have been feeling peace, not pain. I never truly believed them but I wanted to. I was meant to be welcomed by the One Who Sees All, they promised us we would be! I suspected it was a lie but now I knew. I could feel everything. A final burst of adrenaline exploded in me as a long jagged claw trailed gently down the side of my exposed neck, catching the tender skin there. I tried to flail again, tried to dislodge whatever monster had caught me, but it was useless and I was so tired. I fell still, my resolve crumbled. Nothing had worked. The creature hadnt even moved. I could hear footsteps around me, even over the gasping sound of my breath. More had found me, they were simply waiting their turn to feast. It was hopeless. There would be no divine intervention. The One Who Sees All, if he even existed, had not seen me. Either that or He had seen me and chosen not to act. Maybe that was intentional. We were sinners, my fellow sisters and I. It was true. We had become sinners, made bad decisions, but more than that, we always had been. We were born at the wrong time, to the wrong people. We were unwanted, brash, outspoken. Wrong. We were always destined to die from the moment we were born. Wed either die at the hands of our parents, the priest or the monsters who were currently circling me and waiting for their turn to feast on my body. There was no point in struggling. Id rather die at the hands of those monsters and rob my family and that priest of the satisfaction of seeing me die. It was better. It was my choice. I wept freely, ignoring the jeering noises from around me. Why hadnt they done it already? Why wasnt I dead? What were they waiting for? I needed to know though. I needed to know how close I had been to salvation. Struggling against the fist in my hair, I looked up desperately. Another sob escaped my lips. I was so close. I had almost made it. My gaze locked on something in the forest. There was something there, hiding in the shadows. Eyes, barely visible in the low light, were staring back at me. They werent moving. They were just standing there watching me. Help! I tried to shout but it came out as a whisper, causing the creatures around me to laugh cruelly. I felt breath touch my neck as the monster on my back leaned down to whisper in my ear. I prefer it when you fight, it growled, its voice barely human. It makes it much more fun for me. Weakness washed through me and I tried to look at the eyes again but they were gone. I was truly alone. The fight left me and my head fell down again. It didnt matter what I did. I was still going to die. Suddenly, air rushed back into my lungs and my head was yanked up as the weight was flung from my back. I choked, not expecting it, but immediately began scrabbling forwards. My foot throbbed but I ignored it, trying to get as much space in between me and the monsters around me. I expected them to try and stop me or do something but they didnt and I didnt wait around to find out. This was my chance, I could reach safety. Horrible noises filled the field around me, a hundred times worse than the sounds of my sisters dying. Growling, panting, ripping noises and the sounds of bones crunching surrounded me. There was something else though. Under the deafening cacophony of violence, people were sobbing. Strange mewling cries sounded before being snuffed out but they didnt sound like they were human. Was it the monsters? Surely not. It couldnt be. They didnt die, they couldnt. Could they? But I refused to make the same mistake again. I would get to safety and then look back. My arms trembled with the sheer effort of moving. My back ached, my heartbeat pounded painfully in my foot and my entire leg was sticky with blood. I could feel the wind blowing against it and the occasional long strand of grass stinging as it stuck to it. But still, I continued dragging myself forwards, ignoring the noises from behind me. Finally, the grass started to clear slightly and I was in the forest. Branches snapped under my hands and knees but I didnt stop until I reached an old, wizened tree. I sat carefully, my back against the trunk and stared out at the world. My village could barely be seen in the background, far across the overgrown field. Harpies still circled in the sky above, crying loudly and angrily, but I was protected by the thick canopy of trees. They wouldnt be able to reach me easily. No, I was more worried about the lumbering not quite human creatures. I tried to peer through the grass and see what was happening there but the wind was agitating it too much. I couldnt see. I needed. Looking around, I found a thick fallen branch just to my left, still spotted with bark. I could use that, I would need to. The only way I would be able to see what had happened would be if I could stand and I couldnt do that alone. Checking my surroundings once more for monsters, I reached out for the stick. It was huge and heavy but maybe I was just exhausted. I was able to pull it closer and position it so that I could stand. My limbs were clumsy, they moved too slowly and felt uncoordinated, but eventually, I managed to get my good foot under me. Leaning heavily against the trunk, I dragged myself upright and stared out at the world beyond the forest. My mouth fell open. The grass where I must have been just minutes before was now flattened in places and coated in red. Blood. There were chunks too. I could see that from where I was, even with how dark the night had become. And there was something in the middle that was still moving. A giant black shape, nothing more than a shadow, stood over a whimpering monster. It growled as it ripped the flesh from the creatures body before finally closing its jaws around the monsters throat. It fell silent. I should have been scared. I should have taken the opportunity to run away but I couldnt. Curiosity, something I had long been accused of, was pulling at me. I couldnt see what the dark shadow was but one question floated through my mind. Was it a gift from the One Who Sees All? Had He listened to my prayers and saved me? If so, I couldnt run. I staggered forwards, leaning heavily on my crutch and trying not to put any weight on my still-bleeding foot. The ground was uneven and hard to navigate but I kept moving towards the divine creature as it continued to feast on the remains of the monster sent from the One Below. Even the harpies stayed away, seemingly sensing its purity. It wasnt until I was a mere metre away from the shadow, which was almost as tall as I was, that it fell still. I stopped moving as well, panting from the effort of walking, and stared at the beast as it rounded on me. Blood and viscera flecked its muzzle and I couldnt look away from its black eyes as it closed the distance between us. It examined me shrewdly and I realised that it was the creature that had been watching me from the forest as I had been attacked. I had cried out for help and it had answered. Did that mean that it was not a gift from the One Who Sees All? No, it couldnt be, I realised as I stared at the demon in front of me. We had been taught about that creature. A giant creature, almost dog-like in shape, that roamed the Land Below, attacking people at will. It belonged to the One Below. It only left when He sent it out to hunt down a person and bring them to the Below for some horrifying reason. But the dog wasnt attacking me. It stood in front of me, its head cocked to the side as it examined me carefully. Was it checking to make sure that I was the person the One Below wanted? Had He chosen me? Why? And why would the dog have killed all of the monsters and protected me? Were they not sent from the One Below too? I should have been scared, I should have been terrified, but my hand barely shook as I lifted it to stroke the dogs head. I felt no fear and I knew that I would follow the dog wherever it led me but one question ran through my mind. Was I the lucky one for surviving or were my sisters because they were allowed to die? 2.20 Maybe you should just give up on mystery drink. I sat up abruptly, confusion washing through me. Where was I? I looked around the room but that didnt help me at all. My surroundings were familiar enough but something about them just felt wrong. There were people on the walls, pictures, looking down at me. They were all looking at me. And they were dressed strangely. The men were wearing tight clothes, made of strange fabrics that Id never seen before, and the women were barely dressed. Some of the men were barely dressed too but the women were worse. I stared at the one nearest me, a man who seemed to be peering into my soul, confusion rushing into me. I recognised it, of course I did. I was in my usual room at my grandparents, the one that my uncle had lived in growing up. The pictures were the same as they had always been. Sitting up, I tried to shrug off some of that feeling of wrongness. I could still feel it, the claws dug deep into my brain, but it was easy enough to dismiss or excuse. I was just being silly or half asleep or something. Even so, I found myself eyeing the pictures distrustingly as I picked out my clothes for the day and rushed across the hallway to the bathroom. I didnt want to feel their eyes on my body as I got undressed even though I was used to it. There was something about it that just made me uncomfortable. It didnt normally but maybe Id just never really looked at them properly before. Whatever the reason, I was a lot more comfortable changing into the dress Id grabbed in the bathroom. I pulled my hair up into a bun that perched high on my head and stared at my reflection before slowly lifting my chin. The expression on my face took me by surprise. Im not sure what it was but there was something to it. A hardness in my eyes, maybe. I stared back unwavering and unscared. That was unusual for me. I mean, I wasnt usually scared to look at myself in the mirror. I didnt do it too often, obviously, but it was fine when it happened. I mean, I looked alright generally. I didnt particularly hate how I looked, even though my mom was right. I didnt work out as much as I should have and didnt eat consistently enough. I wasnt particularly toned or thin. I didnt have some of my classmates or sisters had, I kind of was just normal. I wasnt anything special to look at but that was fine. Im not sure that Id like someone to look at me anyway. I didnt like it, not really. I mean, sometimes I did. Sometimes seeing the way someones gaze lingered on me made me feel almost excited but most of the time it just made me want to hurry away. I wasnt sure what Id do if I had someone who truly wanted to look at me or even touch me like I did in my fantasies sometimes. The concept of that scared me, if I was being honest. Im not sure what it was about it that made me feel so uncomfortable and uneasy but it definitely did. Not that it mattered anyway. There wasnt really anyone in real life who would look at me like that or that Id want to. Or maybe there was. I mean, there was someone who I noticed looked at me a little bit too long sometimes but I doubted there was anything more to it than they just did. Even so, my hand hesitated over my phone as I started to collect my things to leave the bathroom. I could text him. It didnt need to be anything more than just a text, it could be completely innocent. But it didnt need to be. It could be something much, much more. Maybe even a photo. I pushed that idea from my mind, unsure where it even came from. That wasnt me. I didnt do things like that and the idea of sending a suggestive photo to anyone, regardless of who, was a terrible idea. Plus, he might not want that. I had never spoken to him about anything even remotely racy so it wouldnt be right. I chewed on my lip as I stared at my phone. I could just send him a text. Normally he was the one who texted me first but I could do it this time. It felt so weird to me but it shouldnt have. It didnt need to be as big of a deal as I was making it sound. Hey, I typed quickly, hitting send before I could change my mind. That was stupid, I immediately realised. I couldnt just text him and say hello. That was so weird. I needed to add something more, something less stupid. Hows your summer going? I added and sent. My heart was beating too quickly, I was nervous. I shouldnt have been but I was. There was no need. He was just a friend. I had done nothing more than text a friend a completely normal question. Wed texted before. Id sent him hundreds, if not more texts. I locked my phone and slid into one of the surprisingly big pockets on my dress and glanced in the mirror one more time before leaving the bathroom. I dropped my dirty clothes in my room before padding quietly down the hallway towards the stairs. The carpet was hard beneath my feet. Im not sure why I noticed that but I did. It was replaced fairly often but it was clear that its main purpose was for appearances, not comfort. My grandparents cared more about how it looked rather than how comfortable or warm it was. Or maybe they just didnt notice. They always wore shoes inside. My grandmother was always in those designer perfectly-appropriate heels, whilst my grandfather wore polished lace-up shoes every day. It wouldnt surprise me if they even went to bed in them. A smirk came over my face but I pushed it away quickly. If my mom saw, shed ask questions. I didnt like wearing shoes inside. Socks either. There was something weird about it to me but Im not sure why. I didnt like the feeling of it, maybe? Or maybe it just felt unsanitary to me. I mean, you wear shoes outside so surely youre just traipsing mud about? Even if you couldnt see it, it still had to be unhygienic. Good morning, my mom said without looking up from her book as I entered the kitchen. Morning, I replied, looking around the room. Normally, there was breakfast already on the table, leftover from whenever shed eaten earlier in the day, but not this time. I went into town this morning and picked up some bread from the bakery, she said, seemingly noticing my confusion. Its in the pantry. Oh, right. Thank you. I started across the room towards the pantry, grabbing the bread and taking it back out into the kitchen. I could feel my moms eyes on me as I moved but I ignored it, focusing instead on making myself some toast and buttering it. It wasnt until I placed my plate on the table and slid into the chair that she spoke. You look nice, she said but it sounded more like an accusation. Thank you, I replied, meeting her gaze. I didnt hold it for long though. The toast was calling me. I sliced it into triangles quickly before picking one up and biting into it. The bread was deliciously fresh and the butter was so rich. It was better than anything Id eaten in so long, better than what I was used to, and I had to hold back a happy sigh. Youre wearing a dress. I longed to say something sarcastic or to roll my eyes but I resisted. I am. Her eyes narrowed as I picked up another triangle and eat it, savouring the taste. Why? she asked, her tone sharp and filled with suspicion. I lifted a shoulder as I chewed slowly, my eyes finding hers again. I wanted to, I said, stubbornness immediately building within me. It was the first thing I grabbed. She examined me closely, searching for any sign that I was lying. I wasnt though. I truly hadnt put that much thought into it, I just grabbed whatever I wanted to and decided to wear that but I knew she saw it as more than that. She probably assumed that I was wearing it to impress someone, that I was planning on sneaking out or meeting up with someone. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. I wasnt, obviously. Who would I meet up with? And you just happened to grab that dress? she asked, her eyebrow arched. Yup, I replied, standing and walking over to the tap to pour myself some water. I like it. I could feel the tension building in the room even though it was over something so minor, so unnecessary. My mom just didnt trust me. She didnt believe that I could wear something pretty just because I wanted to, she always thought that I had to be wearing it to impress someone else. That thought kind of made me sad. I think it told me more about her than Id realised before that point. I dont think she ever did anything because she wanted to or because it made her happy. It was always about how others would think of her and feel about her which meant it was never truly about her. That was a strange realisation. Its a bit plain, she said with a sniff, looking back at her book. And its the wrong shape for you. It makes it look like you dont have a waist. My smile faltered as my confidence deserted me and I looked down at myself. The dress was a little shapeless. It pulled in around my waist but not much. Not enough. I did look bigger in it and not in a good way. But did that matter? I was comfortable in the dress so surely it didnt. I had looked in the mirror and not disliked how I looked so I would continue to wear the dress, even if I longed to run upstairs and rip it off. I downed my glass of water before refilling it and returning to the table, determination starting to build in me again. I wasnt sure why I was feeling like that or even what I was determined to do but there was something, some resolve that I wasnt used to feeling. What are you going to do today? my mom asked as she reached out for her coffee. Im not sure, I said honestly before an idea fluttered into my head. A mean but tempting idea. I might go for a run, I think. I knew that it would arouse her suspicion, I did, and thats why I did it. It worked. She looked up at me sharply. A run? she repeated. Yeah. Just a nice run through the woods out back, I replied, taking a long sip of my drink. That will be fun. Fun? my mom said. Yeah, I think so. I enjoy going for runs. I could almost see my moms brain working furiously to try and determine if there was something more to my words than what I was saying. I knew that she would be suspicious, that she would assume the worst but I wasnt sure what that was. Shed assume I was with a boy probably. Maybe doing something with him or drinking. Perhaps doing drugs. Will you be wearing that dress out for your run? she asked, putting so much emphasis on the word, as if trying to tell me that she knew I was up to something. I should have answered normally. I should have just said no and nothing more but my mouth moved before my brain could stop me. No, of course not. I wouldnt want it to get dirty. The moment the words were out of my mouth, I froze. Before then, my words could have been innocent but poorly chosen however I knew that Id made it sound much worse than it was. I mean, I wouldnt wear the dress to go out for a run, obviously, but I was pushing it too far. Something had gotten into me. I wasnt sure what it was exactly but I felt so much bolder and more confident. I was brasher, angrier. It almost reminded me of My phone buzzed in my pocket, cutting my thought trail off immediately as anxiety jumped within me. Was it him? I think its going to rain today, my mom announced. I would stay inside if I were you. It was an order, not a suggestion. She was telling me not to go out for a run and that just made me want to do it more but my mind was consumed by my phone in my pocket. I wanted to pull it out and read the message straight away but I knew that I couldnt. Not in front of my mom. There was too strong a possibility that she would demand to see my phone and, even though I was sure that the text would be completely innocent, it wasnt worth it. I finished eating my toast quickly, trying not to make it seem like I was running, before standing and taking the plate to the dishwasher. Are you going out now? my mother asked. No, I replied quickly. Ill wait a while until my breakfast digests, Ill get a stitch otherwise. Im probably just going to go upstairs and read for a bit or something. She didnt bother answering me but I could feel her eyes on me as I left the kitchen again. As soon as I was out in the corridor, I felt my posture sag. Relief washed through me that I was no longer having to interact with my mom and I could just relax for a bit. I glanced over my shoulder, checking to make sure that she wasnt following me, before pulling my phone out of my pocket and reading the text. Hey! Its good but this hangover might kill me. I need to stop drinking straight spirits. Or maybe stick to just spirits. Ella made a mystery drink last night that had wine in it. I dont even think anyone brought wine, Duncan had texted. How bout there? Hows yours? I smiled slightly and started to reply before hesitating. I think it was his mention of Ella. She was into him and I knew that shed probably spent the whole night flirting with him painfully obviously. I wasnt sure if that made me jealous or what the emotion was but I was definitely feeling something. Ahahah that bad? I typed, trying to work out what else to say. Maybe you should just give up on mystery drink, when is it ever good? Its alright here, kind of boring. Im looking forwards to being back. I hesitated before hitting send. Was I moaning too much? It felt like it. I should write something else, something that didnt make me sound so boring. Or I could change the last bit and say that I was looking forwards to seeing him again, some sly part of my brain added. I shook my head. I couldnt say that. It was too forwards, too much. The message was fine. I sent it and continued along the corridor to my room, shutting the door behind me and dropping onto my bed as my phone buzzed again. Give up on mystery drink? I could never! Like, half the time its great! Do you remember that time we made green mystery drink and it was so good? Man, I might try and get some more midori and sours for when youre back and we can recreate that. Im glad its not too horrible there! His words made me snort softly. I did remember that one he was talking about. It had happened about a year ago, towards the end of the summer. Id put off going to his parties for as long as possible but I started to feel bad. It had been pretty good actually. Not too many people had gone and it was the first time Phoebe and I had found a way out onto the garage roof. It was a nice night and Liam had been mixing the drinks. He was the only one who made something drinkable. I read the message again, my eyebrows drawing together. Hed said that we could recreate the drink. Did he mean just me and him or we as in a whole party? I really wasnt sure. Part of me wanted him to mean just the two of us but I knew that he probably didnt mean that. Thanks :) That would be fun! I typed, only semi-meaning it. If it was just the two of us, it would be fun because I always had fun with him but if it was any more I wasnt so sure. That one was delicious. Much better than that brown mystery drink you made. I stared at my sent message, regretting what I had written. It sounded rude, insulting rather than playful which is what I meant. I wanted to tease him, to joke around, but it came across wrong. I had just started to type an apology when another text came through. Okay, that was terrible but in my defence, I said it was bad! You still drank it so I feel like thats more on you than on me, he said. I mean you have a point, I sent back. Exactly! But then again, I drank it too so his message read. I laughed softly, biting my lip and trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going. I had nothing but luckily, three dots began bouncing on the screen, telling me that he was typing something. Urgh, I have to go to training, he wrote. But, Ill update my calendar. 15th august, video game date with grace - now with green mystery drink! Are you still down for that? Confusion washed through me as I stared at his message before I remembered what hed said the day before Id left for Scotland. Hed made a goofy joke about putting a video game date in his calendar for when I got back but I hadnt thought anything of it. Id dismissed it and assumed he was joking but what if he wasnt? What if he meant it as like a date date? No. He didnt, he was just calling it a date but meant just a hang out, nothing more or romantic. I knew that but it still made me a little disappointed. Yeah, sounds good, I replied, adding a laughing emoji. Youll be back from Scotland then? he messaged quickly. I think so. Not too sure but I think were usually back by then. Awesome, I cant wait. Alright, I have to go and try not to puke. Wish me luck? I smiled as I typed the response. Good luck! I stared at my phone for a moment longer before dropping it onto the bed beside me. I was definitely thinking too much into it and that was just going to mean that I was disappointed when we either didnt end up hanging out or if thats all it was. But then, hes my friend, one of my closest friends. I shouldnt be thinking about him like that, it would ruin things. Even if he was into me, which he definitely wasnt, I shouldnt date him anyway. It would be throwing our friendship away over I didnt know how to finish that thought. I mean, we were still so young. Even if we did get together, chances were that wed break up before long. Either something would happen and hed realise that there were other better people out there to date or I wasnt sure, wed go to different universities and break up then. Id be ruining our friendship for something that would never last. It wasnt worth it. The sooner I realised that and actually made myself understand it, the better. A sigh passed my lips and I threw myself back onto the bed, glaring at the ceiling. I was being ridiculous and I didnt know how to stop. I couldnt. The only way I could was to escape, think about something else, anything else. Dizziness raced towards me, wrapping me in its comforting embrace. But where to go? I couldnt go back to the last horrifying world Id been in, I was dead there. Probably passed out on the back of that giant hellhound. Or maybe Id fallen off when Id finally bled out and the creature had left me. It could have eaten me. Realistically, it would be a waste not to. I wasnt sure how easy it was for the dog to find food or if it even had to eat but surely, it wouldnt have passed up the opportunity. As I lay there deliberating my options, I felt one of them reach out to me. Something was calling me, one of the worlds and I let it. In a moment, I was on the bus again. It was still moving but it felt slow. I looked around, excitement and anticipation warring within me. Was this it? Were we there? The bus came to a stop. 2.21 Welcome to the Academy. I leapt out of my chair so quickly that I almost fell when the bus started moving again. It was slow though, really slow. Were we there? Were we at the academy? Something had called me back into this world, something had been reaching out to me, it had to be that. We had to be at the school. I walked towards the screens on the window, my hands and face pressed against it as if Id somehow be able to see through if I got close enough. I couldnt though, I could just see the video of a road passing by. But that didnt stop me from being excited. I was so hopeful, so filled with anticipation. We had to be there, right? It was morning, Ms Brice said that wed be there in the morning. The bus stopped again but I didnt move. I couldnt. My eyes were fixed on the window, trying desperately to see something, anything. But nothing changed. The video didnt even stop. A beeping noise from behind me startled me and I whipped around, staring at the iPad with wide eyes. There was something on it, a notification that had popped up. I moved towards it cautiously, worried that it would be telling me that we had to take another detour or that something had happened and wed never actually get to the Academy. Maybe it was all just a joke and they had gotten bored of it. Maybe I was about to be dropped off at the side of the road or murdered. I mean, it all looked legitimate. They had badges from the government, paperwork too, and they knew so much about me. How would they know so much if it wasnt real? Of course, it wasnt really real, it was just a fantasy or whatever but how else would they know? My eyes scanned the message, having to read it multiple times before the words finally sunk in. Please ensure you have all of your belongings, a member of the team will be through to collect you shortly, I read under my breath, hoping that hearing the words out loud would help them sink in. I had been so hopeful, so ready, but I almost couldnt believe it was happening. My time trapped in the tiny room was almost over and then Then Id be free. Well, maybe not free but almost. Id be in the induction wing, being tested or whatever theyd said. I probably wouldnt be able to leave that part of the school but it had to be better than just being stuck in my room on the bus. I was strangely excited about what was to come, nervous too but excited. I didnt know much about the tests, obviously. Theyd mentioned that I needed to have medical tests, blood tests too, and something about assessing my education so far and I didnt know what to make of that but I assumed it would be fine. My grades at school were okay so surely, it wouldnt be that bad, right? They couldnt be enough to get me kicked out, at least. Suddenly, I realised that there had been instructions on the iPad. I had read them and then immediately gotten distracted by my thoughts. Looking around the room, panic started to build in me. Most of my things were still in my bag or near it, I hadnt had much need to take anything out, but it wasnt exactly packed. Throwing myself towards my suitcase, I started grabbing my stuff and shoving items in at random. It was mostly clothes, pyjamas, so it didnt take long but my heart was racing the whole time. I stood and stared around my room, turning slowly as I tried to work out if there was anything else I needed to pack. My gaze fell on the sink. I had forgotten my toothbrush and the dry shampoo theyd given me. Grabbing them before crouching by my bag again, I paused. Should I pack the dry shampoo? I wasnt sure. Theyd given it to me but then it might have just been to use whilst I was on the bus and not to take away with me. But then, I wasnt going away, I was going into the school and theyd said that they would provide me with everything that I needed so maybe it was mine to keep. Would it be rude to just assume that I could keep it? Or was it worse to leave it? If it was a gift, then I should keep it and, if I were to leave it, then it would make more work for them because theyd need to clean up after me. I chewed my lip. I knew that I was overthinking things, it was just a mini can of dry shampoo, but I was still worried. I wanted them to like me at the academy, I needed to play by the rules and not get into trouble. Slipping it back onto the edge of the sink, I zipped my case up and stood again. Glancing at my reflection above the mirror, I lifted my hands to smooth my hair. I looked like I had spent the last few days locked in a tiny room on the bus and not showered but there wasnt much I could do about that. I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail. That was a bit better, not perfect but it would do. I looked in the mirror once more before starting to pull my shoes on just as a noise came from the door. It had been unlocked. My heart began to race again and I grabbed my suitcase, pulling the handle up and dragging it closer to me as I stared at the door. Anxiety wracked me and it felt like it took a full minute for the door to open but finally, it did. Hello, Grace, Ms Brice said with a smile. Ah, I see youre all packed. Fantastic! Shall we? She cocked her head, gesturing for me to follow her, before starting along the narrow corridor. I stepped forwards and out of the room, before jumping. I dont know why but I didnt expect there to be anyone else out there. Ms Brice had said that there were others on the bus, I was pretty sure, but I just didnt think Id actually get to see them. I smiled awkwardly at the girl. She seemed to be waiting for me to go out in front of her but I still wasnt quite sure what to do. Ms Brice was almost at the front of the bus, I needed to make a decision. I squeezed out of the room and started along the corridor, trying not to overthink everything, but luckily, I was distracted before long. Wow, I breathed, coming to a stop. I could see just a tiny amount of the school through the front window of the bus but it looked incredible. I hurried to keep moving so that I could see more of it, jumping down the steps of the bus. Turning in a slow circle, I tried to take everything in. I was standing in a square courtyard, I realised, and it was beautiful and huge. The building around us was made of a dark red brick that looked old and perfectly preserved but there was a gate built into one wall. It was a solid sheet of metal with a strangely intricate swirling pattern on it, meaning that I couldnt see through it to whatever lay on the other side. A soft babbling sound caught my attention and I turned again, my eyes falling on the giant fountain in the centre of the courtyard. I almost laughed. In the middle of it, shaded by a tall tree, was a statue of a man holding a gun. Water poured from the end of the weapon, tumbling into the pool below. He was dressed in a suit and everything. It looked ridiculous, like a spy from a movie or something. But, at the same time, it made me almost wistful. Was it meant to make me feel like that? Maybe it was meant to be aspirational. Like I should look at it and think about the future and the fact that, one day, that could be me. I probably wouldnt be wearing a suit, but I could still be like the man. Wow, the other girl breathed as she climbed out of the bus. The boy behind her looked shocked too, awestruck almost. Welcome to the Academy, Ms Brice said, a smile on her face as she watched us. I was suddenly filled with such longing, such a strong need to belong. I wanted to stay in the school so much and Id never really felt that way before. It almost reminded me of how I felt when I was talking to Mitch about treasure hunting. It seemed so farfetched, so strange. I couldnt believe my luck that it was happening to me and that I was actually wanted. Mitch had wanted me to stay with him, to work with him, and I had wanted to as well. I didnt want to leave. It felt like I could stay there, actually be happy. No. I couldnt think about that, I couldnt think about him and what had happened. It would make me too curious and if I became curious, Id go back. Not knowing if he was alive was so much better than knowing that he was dead and that I had caused it. Even that thought filled me with dread and made me shaky because what if he was dead? Id caused the death of the first person who actually seemed to care about me, who actually wanted me around. I knew that my dad wanted me around and cared about me but he was so exhausted from working all the time and putting up with my mom. I barely got to see him. You can leave your bags there, if you want, and Ill take you on a quick tour, Ms Brice said as she checked her watch. We have eight minutes before I need to leave for a meeting so well need to walk fast. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. She turned and took off towards the large glass doors without waiting for our response. I hurried after her, hesitating for just a moment before entering to glance back at the bus. It hadnt moved. I was almost hoping that it would so that Id be able to get a glimpse of the school outside of the gates. That was probably intentional though, for security or whatever. Something told me they wouldnt want us to leave but, at the same time, I didnt care. I didnt want to leave. I needed to stay. Looking away, I followed Ms Brice into the school. Cool air hit me immediately, making me feel more comfortable. It had been warm outside and the temperature inside was perfect. It felt fresh too, somehow. I wasnt sure if it was just because Id been on the bus for so long but it felt great. The corridor was spacious and well-lit, even though there were dark wood panels covering the bottom half of the walls. The white and black tiles clacked under Ms Brices heels and she didnt look back to see if we were following, I think that she just knew we would be. And she was right. I raced after her, the other two people following closely behind as Ms Brice came to a stop outside a closed door. As you know, this is just the induction wing. You wont be here forever, of course, just until youre approved to move into the rest of the school, she explained. What do we need to do for that to happen? the girl asked, her tone excited. Normally, you need to pass all of the medical exams, finish your educational testing and show a dedication and aptitude for learning, Ms Brice said, her tone making it sound a lot more straight forwards than it felt. And what happens if we dont? the boy questioned. Like, what if I fail the medical or something? Ms Brice smiled kindly. The chances of that happening are extremely slim due to our rigorous recruitment procedure but, if for some reason we do determine that you are not well suited to stay at the academy, you wont be sent home, she said, causing relief to wash through me. Youll be enrolled in a private boarding school somewhere in the country, paid for by the department, of course. Well still supply you with everything you need and once you graduate, well assist with university costs. Just because youre not ready to join the department now doesnt mean that you wont be able to join later! Her tone was light, matter of fact almost. Like us joining was an inevitability, something we couldnt avoid even if we wanted to. I didnt want to though and it was almost reassuring to hear her say that. It made me worry less about failing and being kicked out. I still worried about it, obviously, but I worried less. But that doesnt matter right now, we can focus on our tour instead! Here, we have the gym, Ms Brice said, pushing open the doors so that we could peer in at the well-equipped room. You dont need to use it, obviously, but we do expect everyone to have a good base level of fitness. Youll learn more about that once you start training, however! She started walking again, forcing us to look away and rush after her again. Even though she had said that we didnt need to, part of me wanted to immediately run into the room and try out all of the equipment. Id never really spent much time in a gym before so I wasnt even sure how to use any of it but there had been diagrams on the wall which had to make it easier. Everything just seemed so shiny and high tech which made me want to play with it. Ms Brice had already moved on though and was now halfway down the hall. She stopped outside another room. The soft babble of voices reached out to us through the closed door, broken by the peal of occasional laughter. This is the kitchen, she told us. I wont open the door just yet because I believe some of your cohorts are in there at the moment and I dont want to interrupt. All of your meals will be served in here and theyll all be cooked by one of our chefs. You can help yourself to anything thats in the fridge at any point throughout the day, however. We do ask that you clean up after yourself. Its very important to us that you show responsibility and respect for your fellow cohorts. She sent us a look that felt almost like a warning and I found myself nodding as she took off down the hall again. My mind was spinning, trying to keep up with everything that I was learning and where everything was. It all looked the same though. Each corridor was bright and open but unmarked. The windows were blocked, covered with plastic that made it impossible to see through but still let in a lot of light. The rest of the tour happened too quickly. We passed classrooms, medical rooms, a gun range and even more rooms that left me feeling lost and out of place. There was just so much going on, so many rooms, and I knew that Id immediately forget where everything was. My excitement was fading, being replaced with apprehension. It all started to feel very real and that filled me with dread. I was scared, worried about what I was going to learn and what was going to be expected of me even though just a few minutes before I had been so excited. And, that concludes our tour, Ms Brice said as she came to a stop at the top of the stairs, glancing at her watch. I dont have time to show you to your dorms unfortunately but if you follow this corridor, youll find your dorm, Grace and Abbie. If you go that way, youll find yours, Scott. Your names should be on the door and inside youll find an itinerary. Have a great day. She started back down the stairs before we could say anything else and for a moment, we didnt speak. I didnt know what to say. It was so awkward and felt so strange to stand still with nothing to do after rushing through the building. I glanced at the other two. I hadnt really had a chance to look at them before but I did now. Abbie, I think Ms Brice had called her, was tiny. She barely came up to my shoulders and she was a thin wisp of a person. Her brown curly hair had been pulled back from her face and it was clear that she hadnt been sleeping well on the bus. Dark circles marked the skin under her eyes, the colour so deep they looked like shadows. The boy, Scott, didnt seem to have coped much better. He didnt have bags under his eyes but he picked nervously at his nails, his gaze darting around the corridor as if he expected someone to jump out. Maybe, like me, he still wasnt sure that this was real. It felt too good to be true, even though it was overwhelming. We should probably go to our rooms, right? Abbie said, looking down the hall. Yeah, I replied, chewing my lip. I was excited to see what our rooms were like but at the same time, I didnt want to. There might be other people in there. Ms Brice said that it was a dorm which made it seem like there would be others. I was scared. What if they didnt like me? What if they were rude or if they thought I was weird? I didnt really have any friends, especially not in this world. I didnt know what to do or how to have friends. Cool! Abbie said with a wide grin, showing off the gap between her front teeth. She didnt move though and it took me a minute to realise that she was waiting for me, that she wanted me to go first. I sucked in a deep breath and glanced at Scott who was still picking at his nails. I guess well see you later, I told him awkwardly. He didnt reply, he just nodded before beginning to shuffle down the hall towards his dorm. I watched him go for a moment, trying to find any excuse not to start walking. I was just scared but I knew it was stupid. I had been recruited to be a spy, I couldnt be scared. Who wanted a cowardly spy? That thought gave me the courage to move. I started down the hall, my eyes scanning the names on the doors. Each name was etched onto an individual gold nameplate and slid onto a holder on the door. It was a strange thing to notice but it gave me pause. It felt both permanent and temporary. Like theyd gone to the effort of having them made but they were also prepared to take our names away, to slide them out and pretend we didnt exist, if anything happened. That wouldnt happen, I tried to reassure myself. I was just being ridiculous. I wasnt sure if I truly believed that but it didnt matter. I had found our dorm. The shiny nameplates read Katie, Abbie and Grace. There was space for a fourth name. Is this us? Abbie asked from behind me, craning her head to try and see the label. Yeah, I said, my voice surprisingly quiet. Abbie let out a squeal. Lets go! I cant wait to see our room! she cried. My lips pulled up into a reluctant smile, half due to her excitement and half because I knew that our roommate, Katie, might be in the room. Surely, entering with a glare would be a bad first impression. Satisfied that my smile wasnt too manic, I pushed the door open. My eyes immediately found the girl inside. She was standing with her back to us, bent over her suitcase. Her blonde hair had been pushed to one side and cascaded towards the floor in a shiny waterfall. She must have heard the door opening because she looked back at me and smiled. Hi! she said, straightening up. You must be either Grace or Abbie, right? For a moment, I couldnt speak. She was so pretty and she radiated confidence. She looked like every popular girl in my school but she was actually speaking to me. Crap, she had spoken to me. I hadnt answered her and now I was just staring at her blankly. Even my mouth was open. I hastened to close it and swallowed. I felt so dumb and out of place, unused to someone like her talking to me. But, I realised slowly, she didnt need to know that. I could pretend. In this world, I could make her and the others believe that I really was confident. It didnt matter what had happened before, I could have just been in shock. Now, I could be a popular girl. Yeah, Im Grace. This is Abbie, I said, stepping into the room and gesturing at Abbie who stared at Katie too. I smiled wider, trying to copy the expression that Katie had on her face. Awesome, its nice to meet you both. Im Katie, obviously. You probably read that on the door, right? she asked with an easy laugh. I pushed myself to join in. Yeah. Its lovely to meet you. Have you been here long? No, no, I got here at like three am. I barely got a chance to have a tour and then I just showered and crashed. I took this bed, by the way, Katie said, pointing to the rumpled bed in the centre of the room. I finally looked away from her, glancing at her bed before looking around the room. It was huge. Three double beds lined the room with a bedside table next to each one with a folder on. The bedding was dark blue and without even touching it, I knew that it would be soft. I longed to sink into the one on the right side, by the window, but I knew that if I did, I wouldnt get up again. Id just sleep. I had slept so much on the bus and barely moved but I still craved more. Ill take this bed, I said, walking towards the one by the window before looking back at Abbie. If you dont mind, that is? No, thats fine, she replied. I smiled and stopped at the end of the bed, looking at the window. It was covered in the same plastic as the windows downstairs so I couldnt see out but I didnt care. It still made me feel free. 2.22 I dont want to wait! I stared down at the clothes I had grabbed from my suitcase to change into after the shower. They looked wrong. I wasnt sure what it was about them exactly that was wrong but something was. They made me seem timid. Boring and not confident. Of course, I was all of those things but I didnt have to be. Not here. I needed to be better, more assertive and stronger. It would be easy, I didnt have to deal with my mom and I was in a completely new situation so surely, it wouldnt be that hard, right? No one here knew me, not really. I mean, obviously, Ms Brice knew me but she hardly counted. I wouldnt exactly see her every day, would I? I didnt know but I was taking too long. That wasnt right. Confident people didnt spend hours in the bathroom scrutinising their outfits, they just got dressed and looked great. I could do that too, right? I knew that I couldnt but it didnt matter. I got dressed quickly, glanced at my reflection and pulled the bathroom door open. Katie and Abbie looked up as I walked back into our dorm room and I forced myself to smile. How was your shower? Katie asked. I was so happy to be able to wash off all the dirt and grime after being on the bus for so long. Why didnt they warn us that they were coming to collect us? I would have showered just before they arrived. Right? I replied. That would have been so much better. Are you going now? Abbie jumped slightly at my question, looking up from the folder that lay open on her lap. Oh, yeah, sorry! Ill go now! she said, pushing it off her lap and standing quickly. I walked over to my bed, glancing at the window again and feeling my smile grow. I tried to make it seem like I was relaxed and taking my time but I dropped onto my bed too soon and grabbed the folder that sat on my bedside table. That ones yours, Katie said. I mean, obviously, it has your name on it but it was by Abbies bed at first. Oh, I replied, glancing up at her. Did I take the wrong bed? My voice sounded a lot more anxious than I wanted it to. No, no, I doubt it really matters. When I arrived, they told me to just take any bed and I doubt they would have said that if it actually mattered, you know? I chewed on my lip before nodding. Yeah, I guess so. I should probably read my folder too, right? I was so exhausted yesterday that I didnt get any further than just opening it, Katie said with a laugh as she leaned back against the elaborately carved headboard and pulled the binder onto her lap. Wow, this thing is thick. Do they expect us to read it all today? I dont know. Maybe, I dont think we have anything else to do today, right? I asked. No, Mr Schooler said we have today to just get settled. Hes the person who brought us here. Have you had a tour? Kind of. Ms Brice showed us around but it was pretty quick. Katies face lit up. Awesome! Does that mean you can show me around? We didnt have a chance to get one because of how late it was. Mr Schooler said that it would be disruptive but honestly, I was so tired that I just didnt care. She laughed but I couldnt bring myself to join in. Um I can try? Our tour was really brief so Im not sure if Ill remember where everything is, to be honest, I said, wincing at how uncertain I sounded. Katie grinned and began flicking through the pages in her folder. Awesome! Oh, cool. Theres a map here so well be able to find our way around even if you dont remember, she told me, pulling the map out and pouring over it. Man, this place is bigger than I expected. Oh, really? It did feel pretty big when we had the tour. I quickly flicked through the pages, the plastic wallets slick under my sweaty fingers, until I found the map. She was right, it was huge. I should have expected it, Id already walked around it once, but the map made it look huge. Oh, the main school isnt on here, Katie sighed. I guess that makes sense but I want to see it! Me too! Right? I dont want to wait until we pass the induction period, I wish we could go on a tour now. Were going on a tour? Abbie asked quickly as she exited the bathroom, still towelling her hair. She was looking between Katie and me worriedly and it took me a moment to realise that she was scared of being left behind. I understood that worry too well, I was scared about being excluded too. No, no, I was quick to reassure her. Katie was just saying that she wanted to go on a tour of the main school building already. Abbie watched us for a moment before letting a smile come over her face. That would be cool! I dont think we get to see it until weve passed all of the tests and stuff, right? she asked, looking at us for confirmation. No, I dont think so, I replied. What kind of testing do we need to do, do you think? Katie asked, flicking through the pages. I think Ms Brice said that we needed to have medical exams, normal school exams and then also what did she say? Oh, she said something like showing a determination for learning or something, I replied, trying to remember exactly what she had said. A determination for learning? How do we show that? Abbie asked me. Im not sure. Oh! Maybe thats why we have classes whilst were in here? They want to see how we do and if we actually study and stuff, maybe? Katie suggested. That would make sense, I said. I flicked back to the first page of the folder, staring down at my name. It was directly under the department name which made my stomach flutter and I wasnt quite sure why. It just made things feel more real. I started to turn the page until I found the schedule, chewing my lip as I started to read it. It was busy. It started at eight every morning, continuing until five or six every night. And there were doctors appointments and medical tests scattered about. Some of them had page numbers on, I realised before turning to the correct page and scanning the information. Some tests wanted me not to eat beforehand and gave a brief explanation of why but my eyes glossed over it too quickly. I was starting to feel overwhelmed. It was too intense. Even though there were fun things in the timetable, like Climbing and Introduction to Firearms, it was just so much and that made me panic. What if I wasnt capable of keeping up? Abbie gasped, the noise cutting through my spiralling thoughts, and I looked up at her. She had moved over to my side of the room and was standing with the wardrobe door open, staring down at whatever was inside. Her body was blocking it so I couldnt see. What is it? I asked. Its just she said, trailing off before reaching into the wardrobe. I glanced at Katie as the clinking of glass sounded and Abbie turned back towards us, bottles and tubs in her hands. Whats that? Katie asked. They stocked the wardrobe for us, Abbie said quietly, still staring down at the stuff in her arms. That one had my name on a card inside it and they have a bunch of serum and hair oil and stuff Ive always wanted to try some of these but I never could at home. Katies mouth had fallen open as she took in what Abbie had said. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. I mean, they said that theyd supply everything for us but I assumed that meant the essentials, like clothes and basic shampoo? Katie said unsurely, looking at me. I knew that I looked just as surprised and Katie quickly pushed herself off of the bed, starting towards her wardrobe. She pulled the door open and a delighted laugh came from her. What is it? I asked, not wanting to get up just yet. It felt too good to be true. I didnt want to check my wardrobe because I was scared that it would be empty and then what? I wasnt sure. They have everything! Katie cried, pulling the stuff out and loading them into her arms. Theres so much stuff here! There are even clothes! I mean what is this? Oh! Grace, you have to check yours too! I hesitated, too worried about opening the doors and it being empty to move quickly. They were both looking at me expectantly though and something told me they wouldnt wait. Plus, there had to be some reason why Abbie had found her wardrobe. She said there was a card with her name on it in her wardrobe so maybe there was one with my name in the other wardrobe and thats why she went for the other wardrobe. What made sense, right? I smiled as widely as I could and stood, trying to ignore my pounding heart as I walked across the room. I mean, I was just looking in a wardrobe, I wasnt sure why that was making me so nervous but it really was. I was so scared about what Id find or not find. I think it was the not knowing that made it worse. If I did know, I could prepare myself mentally. Because I didnt I just had to be scared. The wooden handle felt smooth beneath my hand as I gripped it, letting myself take a deep breath, before pulling it open. A gasp slipped out of my lips. What is it? Do you have everything too? I heard Katie ask but I couldnt quite respond. I dont know why it made me feel quite so unsteady. I mean, even in that world, my mom bought me the essentials. She got me hair oil, conditioner and stuff for my face but it never came freely or without something attached to it. There was always a comment about how maybe it would fix my disgustingly dry skin or hair or that perhaps now Id have fewer breakouts, although I was pretty sure that was normal for teenagers and my skin wasnt even that bad anyway. But here I was just given stuff. There were no comments, no judgements. It worried me, in a way. It made me expect that something was coming, something that would destroy my self-esteem or make me even more self-conscious. There was nothing to do that in the wardrobe though. Just everything I might need. And they were good brands too. Yeah, I breathed, still not wanting to look away from the stuff. It didnt feel real. I reached out, touching one of the small glass bottles of serum with my finger. The bottle was solid and chill under my fingertips. It was real. Oh yay! Katie squealed. Did you see the clothes too? I had been so distracted by the bottles and tubs on the small shelf inside the wardrobe that I hadnt even looked at anything else but I did now. My eyes scanned the hanging items before pulling the other door open. There was even more stuff on that side. Wow. Right? Theres so much! Katie cried happily. Oh! We have uniforms, theres a guide on the door. I looked at her in surprise. Im not sure why the idea of us wearing uniforms at the academy came as a shock to me. I mean, it was a school, technically. People wore uniforms in school. My eyes found the guide that shed mentioned, several laminated pieces of paper on the inside of the wardrobe door. Oh, wow. So we can wear a dress with shorts under, a skirt with shorts under and a shirt, just shorts, trousers or leggings all with shirts. Thats so many options. At my school, we just had to wear a skirt and a shirt. I wonder why its so different here, Abbie said. I stared at the options on the paper. She was right, there was a lot to choose from and it confused me too. I liked it, I thought, but it still seemed strange. It even had different styles of tops that we could choose from, button-down or polo shirts, and jumpers too. It seemed like we could just choose whatever we were most comfortable in but that made it harder for me. I didnt know what I wanted to wear. This is great, Katie said with a grin, pulling out one of the navy dresses and scrutinising it before thrusting it back into the wardrobe. My old school uniform was so ugly but this one is cute! I started to rifle through the clothing too, examining them. She was right, they were surprisingly nice. Should we wear them now? Abbie asked. I mean, are we allowed to or do we have to wait until tomorrow when classes start officially? Part of me wanted to wear it now but I wasnt sure. It made sense that we should wait but then, we were in the school now. Maybe they expected us to wear it. Im wearing it now. I dont want to wait! Katie decided, pulling another dress out and throwing it over her arm. I smiled at her excitement. If she wasnt waiting, I didnt have to either. It would make sense for us to wear the uniform and we probably wouldnt get in trouble if weall were doing it, right? It didnt matter, Katie had pulled a pair of tights out of the drawers that were built into the wardrobe and marched towards the bathroom. I watched her go before turning back towards my clothes and trying to decide what to wear. My first thought had been the dress, obviously. I liked dresses, especially more recently for some reason, but I felt like I couldnt wear that now. If I did, it would look like I was copying Katie and that felt wrong. So, that left me with the shorts, leggings or the skirt. I glanced at Abbie out of the corner of my eyes, watching her for a minute. She had selected the leggings. That left me with the skirt or shorts. Skirt, I decided before grabbing one and the rest of the clothes I needed quickly as Abbie walked over to her bed and dropped her clothes there. She started to get changed without hesitation and I hurried back to my bed, doing the same. The clothes fit perfectly. It was a little strange but they were my size and they felt lovely on. The white button-down shirt that Id chosen was slightly fitted so it didnt make me feel shapeless and the pleated skirt flared out softly, falling to a few inches above my knees. Even the jumper was perfect. I preferred for my jumpers to be oversized, big enough that I could hide my hands in my sleeves, and, as I pulled it on, I let out a sigh. It was wonderful and so soft. It immediately made me feel more comfortable. The bathroom door opened behind me just as I realised that I hadnt grabbed any socks and I turned, starting to move back towards my wardrobe just in time to see Katie emerging. The dress fitted her perfectly, accentuating her long, lean body but she wasnt looking at me, she was staring down at her arms with a frown on her face. My gaze followed hers and confusion washed over me. Her pale arms were covered in bruises. The darkest one was around her forearm and the shape was strange. The main part of it was almost circular but four thick lines were radiating out from it. You look nice! she said and I quickly looked away from the hand print-shaped mark. Thanks! So do you, I replied. She smiled and looked down at herself. Thank you. It feels weird to wear shorts under this though. Are you wearing them too? she asked. Yeah, I wonder why we have to. It says on the back of the door, Abbie told us. I turned towards her, seeing Katie do the same out of the corner of my eye. It does? Abbie looked between us. Yeah? You two didnt read it? Nope, Katie said, moving past me and rooting around in her wardrobe. Ah, there it is! I knew I saw one in here. She pulled a thick knitted cardigan on before glancing at the laminated papers again. Apparently, all of the classes here are hands-on and pretty active, Abbie told me as Katie read silently. They want us to be comfortable and not flash people which makes sense but is worrying. My eyebrows pulled together and I looked at Katie in concern. How active are the classes? I asked. Like, are we going to be running around all the time? I hope not, well stink by the end of the day! Katie replied, sounding horrified. Abbie looked down at her schedule. I mean, were giving time to change and shower after PE so I dont think it will be that bad, right? she asked but she sounded unsure. Yeah, probably not, I replied with much more confidence than I felt. I thought you were going to go for a run, my mothers snide voice abruptly interrupted my fantasy and pulled me back into reality. Or did you decide to just sit around on your phone all day? Nausea gripped my stomach so tightly that it was almost hard to breathe. My hand tightened around my phone and I was so glad that I was already leaning back against the headboard because otherwise, I would have fallen over. I was, I forced myself to say, hoping that she wouldnt notice the sheen of sweat that I could feel gathering on my face. Am. I was just letting my breakfast settle. My moms eyes narrowed. Its almost one. I glanced at my phone in surprise. How long had I been daydreaming? It was almost past lunch time and now, hungry warred against my queasiness. I hadnt even noticed how much time had passed, I had been too consumed by finally being at the academy. Oh. I guess I should probably go have some lunch then, I said with a smile that felt weak. Ill go for a run this afternoon instead. She was still looking at me suspiciously. What were you doing up here? she asked. Just reading a book, I said with another glance at my phone to make sure. I was on the same page that Id been on the last time Id stopped reading which made me think Id just been staring at it blankly whilst in the fantasy. I was kind of glad. I didnt want to miss anything, even though Id read the book before. What are you reading? Percy Jackson. Suspicion fluttered across her face. Whats it about? she asked. It sounded like a test. A challenge maybe. I think she expected me not to know or to have to make something up. She would probably google it later to make sure I was telling the truth. I wasnt quite sure what to tell her though. Id read the series before when I was younger, my dad had gotten it for me, but I loved it and had decided to reread it so I was just on the first book again. She just wanted a quick answer, she wouldnt care too much about the details. Greek Gods, I said. And demigods. She looked almost interested for a moment before an eyebrow lifted. What kind of book is it? she asked. Um fantasy? I replied unsurely. A childrens book? There was no correct answer and I knew that. If I said yes, she would judge me for it but if I said no, shed tell me off for reading a book that was inappropriate for me and probably google it anyway and then Id be in trouble for lying. Young adult, I said, unsure if it actually was. I think it was aimed at teenagers, at least. They were basically young adults, right? Her lip curled up in a sneer. Of course. Im going to go have lunch, she said before turning and walking out of my room. I didnt move for a moment. I knew that she wanted me to follow her and go have food too but pretty much every part of me wanted me to refuse. It would be satisfying to ignore her and stay in my room so that she had to be alone down there. As I finished that thought, shame washed over me. It was cruel, the kind of thing that she would think and I didnt want to be like her. I had to be better, nicer. She was probably lonely and would just ignore me as we ate anyway so it wouldnt be that bad. I could just ignore her too and disappear back into my fantasy where I was about to go explore the induction wing properly with the others. That would be nice. My phone buzzed in my hand as I started to stand up, the nausea now gone. I didnt throw up! Duncan had texted me. A smile came over my face as I replied, Im so proud. 2.23 I refused to be like that. The dry leaves crunched under my feet as I ran through the forest. It was almost silent apart from the sound of my footsteps. I came to a stop, turning and looking around. There was something strangely beautiful about the barren trees. Ivy wrapped around some of them and a few stubborn leaves still clung to the branches. Not many though and every so often, one would lose its fight and fall to the floor. The prickling sensation that I was being watched was still there. Id forgotten about it until I was deep in the forest but it was there as soon as I stopped. I looked around quickly, my head whipping from side to side. Im not sure what I was trying to do but I think my logic was, if I moved quickly enough, Id spot whoever it was. There was nothing though. Or at least, nothing that I could see. I looked around once more before starting to jog again, straining my ears to listen for any sounds that werent coming from me. Wind shook the tree branches and dried leaves skipped over each other, making goosebumps of fear erupt on my arm. I couldnt work out if there was any other noise or if the quiet crunch of leaves were footsteps. They could have been. I started running again, springing into action and moving as quickly as I could. I just needed to get out of there. Tears prickled my eyes as I ran, feeling terrified but also stupid. I was already embarrassed by myself and my paranoia. Id run in those woods for years by myself and without any issues. Why was I being so ridiculous now? Somewhere nearby, a tree branch snapped loudly and my heart began to race. There was someone there. Someone was near me, probably going to attack me or something. I pushed myself to move faster, barely paying attention to the path because I was too busy looking around for whoever had been the source of the noise. It was close to me, too close, I knew it. My movements were reckless and stupid. I was doing exactly what I had done the last time I had gone for a run and my hands were still scabbed from it. If I continued how I was, I would probably fall again and it would be worse that time. Plus, if I did fall, whoever was following me would have a chance to attack. I tried to slow down, to pay attention to where my feet were falling, but I couldnt help it. There were too many noises. It felt like the sounds, the crunches of footsteps on dried leaves, were coming from all around me. But then, something strange happened. I could feel something creeping into me, so slowly that I didnt recognise it at first. Something was edging into my heart, making my breathing slower and my footsteps more steady. It was still reckless but I was no longer fleeing. I stood taller as I ran, my chin was held higher. So what if someone is following me? Then what would happen? Someone would try and attack me? Id fight them off. It would be easy. I slowed to a stop, my lip curling into a snarling smile as I turned slowly. I watched, listened, and waited for someone to step out from behind a tree. It was strange but I wanted them to. I wanted someone to appear so that I could throw myself at them, feel my fists smashing into their face and hear their surprise and pain. They wouldnt expect someone like me to be able to fight, no one ever did, but I was great. Id done it before. Memories started to flit through my mind, places that Id never been to, people that Id never met but specifically remembered fighting. In one, someone had my shirt clenched in their fist. They were so distracted by whatever they were shouting at me that they almost didnt see it coming. Well, they didnt. They didnt see my hand until it broke their nose. I could still feel it now, I realised with a smile. I could feel the crunch of his face under my fist. It had felt so good to punch Geoffrey. He had really deserved it. I wasnt quite sure why, that memory didnt come to me, but I knew with all my heart that he did. I knew that those memories werent me. Not fully. I held them, they were mine in a way, but the confidence, the competence, wasnt me. I wasnt sure that I had it in me to hit someone like that. That thought almost made me falter because I wasnt sure if it was true or if I wanted it to be. I think I wanted to believe that I could have been like the girl in my memories who threw herself at that older boy so recklessly, so without fear, because she had finally had enough of how he was treating her little sister, but I wasnt sure if I could have done that. A sneaking thought in the back of my head told me that I could. It was one of my memories, something that my brain had invented and therefore, something that I was capable of. No, thats not how that worked. Just because I could think it, didnt mean that it was possible. I mean, I could imagine having wings that sprouted out of my back and being able to use them to fly through the air but it didnt mean that it was possible. Dizziness immediately tugged at my mind though, as if trying to tell me that it was something that I could do somewhere. Maybe in another world, I truly did have wings. Maybe everyone did. Or I was just special. Born that way or a failed lab experiment. Either way, it felt so good to soar through the sky, the wing ruffling my feathers and tickling my face around my goggles. I didnt need to wear them, of course. Id evolved differently so my eyes were less sensitive to the wind but it was just easier to. I could see a little better with them on, you know? My eyesight was already great, better than most. Good enough to spot the many people, dressed all in black, who lined the road below me, their guns raised and ready to bring me down, uncaring that a fall from that height would probably shatter every single one of my hollow bones. A shudder came over me and I looked around the forest again, suddenly realising where I was. I wasnt somewhere high above Canada where I thought Id been just moments before. I was alone in a forest in Scotland, being silly. A smile came over my face as I started jogging again. It felt different that time though. I wasnt fleeing or running away from anything, I was just running for fun. And I was enjoying it. The movement made me feel strong, powerful. It made me proud that my body was capable of moving so fast, so well. Id trained it well, even if my training was inconsistent and lacklustre when I was at home. I started to reach out for the dizziness as I ran, not seeking it out to hide from anything but just to enjoy the experience. A giggle tumbled from my mouth as I looked at Katie who was doing an exaggerated sneaking mime. Her steps were so silly, so over the top and her hands were held up in a strange position, making her look like a robber from an old movie or something. I wasnt sure what it was but it was hilarious. Even Abbie was laughing, her hand clasped against her mouth to muffle the noise. A grin was stretched over Katies face, making her look even prettier. She was clearly enjoying entertaining us. Come on, she said in a loud stage whisper as she gestured. Theres a classroom down there! I looked in the direction that shed pointed in. There was a door at the end of the room and immediately, I was intrigued. We werent really meant to be in that part of the induction wing, it had said so on the door. A sign, a poster, really, had been attached to the wall, warning us that we should proceed with caution. Normally, I think that would have scared me but I just found it funny. I mean, it seemed so silly. There were just classrooms through the doors. Why would we need to exercise caution? So far, from what we had seen, there was just a computer room. Granted, it was more advanced than anything I had ever seen before, but still! It was nothing to be worried about. I snuck across the corridor, mimicking Katies steps but making them even bigger and sillier. A grin came over my face as she giggled and pride shot through me. I had done that, I had made her laugh. She was laughing not at me but because of something I was doing. It just made me happy. Id made Phoebe laugh before, obviously, Duncan too, but Katie was so pretty and popular, it felt different. Like more of an achievement. Plus, both she and Abbie knew me less so it would be harder for me to entertain them. I wasnt sure if that logic made sense but I felt like it did. I peered through the glass panel on the door, feeling my eyes widen. Oh wow, I breathed. What? Katie asked, from behind me but I couldnt look away. I felt her sneak up next to me, staring through the window. What is it? Abbie asked, trying to look around us but we were blocking the view. Do you think Katie started, looking between me and the classroom. I wanted to say that we shouldnt, that it wasnt safe to go sneaking around or actually enter the classroom, but I was still feeling too confident. It was coursing through me. I mean it wouldnt hurt to take a closer look. Katies grin grew and I stepped out of the way as she reached for the handle. I waited for Abbie to go first, wanting to see her reaction to what lay beyond. She looked at me worriedly before looking away and stepping into the room with wide eyes. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. I followed, staring around the dimly lit room as excitement built within me. Every wall of the room I was in was different and they stretched up higher than the rest of the rooms in the wing, clearly taking up two floors. I turned, wanting to see everything. The wall at the back looked like it was the easiest. It was flat and covered in neon-coloured grips which made me immediately want to try to climb it but I was distracted by the other walls. The one on the left looked the hardest to navigate. It had no grips but instead, was made of realistic-looking rock. There were still bulges and cracks that it would be possible to hang on to but it protruded out into the room meaning that whoever was climbing it would either have to dangle or I really didnt know. Id never climbed anything like that before but I wanted to. This is so cool, Katie cried as she walked over the padded mats that lined the floor, softening the falls. Do you think we can climb them now? She looked at me, as if I would have an answer. I glanced at the back wall again, eyeing the ropes that were clipped to each of the walls. I knew nothing about rock climbing. I could only remember going once or maybe twice in my life but I was pretty sure they would be attached to a harness of some kind and, looking around, I couldnt see any. It wouldnt be safe to climb without one but I didnt really want to say no. We were having fun and I didnt want to be the person who ruined it, that would be horrible. Luckily, I didnt have to. I think well get in trouble if we do, Abbie said. Climbing walls can be dangerous, I know someone who broke an arm falling off one. Katies eyes widened and she turned to Abbie in surprise. Really? Yeah. I saw it, it was so gross. Their bone just snapped and was sticking out of their skin She trailed off, looking between us with a worried expression. She was scared she had said something wrong, I realised. I felt that way sometimes when I was talking to new people who I wanted to like me. Eww, I said with a laugh, trying to set her at ease. And you saw it? The fear melted off of her face, being replaced with a smile. Yeah, it was so gross! There was blood everywhere! Thats so nasty! Katie giggled. I smiled, feeling proud of myself. I liked that I could stop her from being worried, that made me feel powerful. It made me feel like I was a good person but that sensation didnt last long. It was chased away by something, a certainty that it was wrong. I wasnt a good person, I knew that. I was just selfish. Shall we keep exploring? If they have a climbing wall back here, I wonder what else they have, Katie said, starting back towards the door. Sure! I replied quickly. Abbie joined us and we continued down the corridor, peering into the darkened classrooms through the windows. It occurred to me that I could have just turned the lights on, we passed many switches, but I didnt really want to. The darkness was more fun. All of the classrooms had windows at the back of them. They were covered with plastic too so I couldnt see anything through them but they let in a lot of light. That was the only source of illumination in the corridor apart from the glowing green emergency lights which pointed us in the other direction. It made me feel like I was doing something I shouldnt be doing. Like we shouldnt be in the corridor and that made me grin. I felt like a rebel, as if I was doing something wrong even though no one had really said we shouldnt be there, just that we needed to be careful. What do you think is in this room? Katie asked. I stopped and turned back towards her. She was standing outside a door, staring into it. I peered around her, making sure to leave space for Abbie to be able to see in this time too. It just looked like a fairly normal room at first but then I noticed the lockers on the wall and realised how much Id missed. I reached for the handle, opening the door and stepping inside. Is this a gun range? Ive only seen those on TV, Abbie whispered, edging into the room behind me. She was right, I was sure. There were big lockers on the back wall, secured with scary-looking padlocks and keypads but thats not what I was focusing on. I had started towards one of the lanes, staring at the paper target in the distance. It felt too far away. I had no clue how anyone would be able to aim that well from so far. Mitch had managed it though. Hed been able to pick off Sterlings people from an even greater distance and hed done it without any real difficulty. I hadnt appreciated how impressive that was but now, as I stood at the end of the lane, staring down at the target in the distance, I was hit by how skilled he was. I shouldnt have been surprised, he seemed to be good at everything. He had to be, really. Hed have died by now if not. He might have died anyway. Is that Katie started. Did someone shoot that? I squinted at the target, unsure what she meant for a moment, before seeing the dots on the head and over the heart. I think so. Is there a way to bring it closer? I asked, glancing up at the mechanism above me. With a loud clang, it started moving. I looked around, spotting Katie who stood next to me, her finger still pressing the button on the panel between the lanes. She shrugged when she noticed me looking at her. It either controlled that lane or this one, she explained, nodding towards the lane next to us. It made sense really and I felt a little stupid for not thinking to look for a button but that disappeared as the target approached. It came to a stop just in front of us, so close I could have reached out and grabbed the swaying paper if I wanted to. I didnt, I just stared at it in awe. Whoever had shot it was incredible. There wasnt just a single bullet hole in the centre of the forehead and chest, there were many but they were clustered together so tightly. They must have amazing aim. Maybe Id learn to shoot like that at the Academy too. I hoped so. Who do you think did that? Abbie asked, reaching out to touch the hole in the chest with a shaking hand. I dont know. It could be an old one. Left over from the last cohort, Katie said. She sounded scared, I realised, glancing at her and then at Abbie. They both looked terrified. They were eyeing the target like it might come alive and murder them. It took me a minute to realise that they were probably scared of guns, like I was before the world with Mitch. It made sense. We never had to see them and had no experience with them but being in his world changed my thoughts surrounding them too much. I had gotten used to guns, had shot them even. I wasnt scared like the others were and I wasnt sure if that was a good thing or not. We should leave, Katie said after a moment, finally ripping her gaze away from the target. Yeah, Abbie replied immediately, backing away. I feel like we shouldnt be in here. Ever. I nodded but I couldnt help glancing at the lockers at the back of the room as we left. Part of me was excited for when wed get to shoot. I wanted to be as good as whoever had left the target there. Where do you two want to go? Katie asked, once we were back in the corridor. She immediately turned and started walking back in the direction we had come, away from the rest of the classrooms that we had yet to explore. It felt like it was intentional. I think the shooting range had scared her, Abbie too. They didnt want to see anything else, they needed something safe. Luckily, my stomach chose that exact moment to grumble loudly, making Katie laugh. Are you hungry? she asked. Yeah, I replied, realising just how hungry I actually was. I shouldnt have been. I had eaten in the real world but not in that one. Id not had anything since being on the bus and I wasnt sure how long ago that was. Awesome! Im pretty sure theres a kitchen or something here, right? Katie asked, looking between Abbie and me. I think so, I said, knowing that we walked past one at some point in the tour with Ms Brice but I couldnt remember where. There was, Abbie confirmed. It was back in the main part. Good, Im starving too. I wonder what the food like is here, she said. I bet its good, I replied. The stuff we had on the bus was really nice. Oh really? Katie asked. Same, actually! I was surprised. I thought it would be really bland and tasteless, you know? Wait, which way do we go here? I stopped as we came to a junction, looking in both directions. They looked the same and neither had any signs. Im not sure, I replied before sniffing. I could smell something. Food. I wasnt sure where it was coming from but it was somewhere nearby. I think this way? Abbie said uncertainly, looking down the hall to the left. Katie glanced at me and I nodded before starting down the corridor. The smell of food became steadily stronger as we walked and it made me want to move faster. Someone had made a fried breakfast, I was sure of it. I didnt even eat bacon but the smell of it was still delicious and made my mouth water. We arrived at the kitchen door in no time and Katie pushed it open without hesitation. I didnt have the same confidence that she did though, even if I had been pretending that I did. I knew that there were people in the room, the rest of my cohort, and that scared me. But I couldnt stay out in the corridor forever. That was weak and I refused to be like that. Sending Abbie, who hovered beside me, a smile, I pushed the door open and stepped into the fragrant, busy room beyond. Noise hit me immediately. The room was full of people, all chatting. Some looked up at us as we entered but most continued talking. I swallowed, trying to push my anxiety aside as I followed Katie over to the far side of the room. A long table had been set up there with a row of silver heated cloches on it and each one had a small label in front of it that said what the dish was and if it was vegetarian or vegan. That made me happy, even though the noise behind me was making me anxious. There were too many people and they were too loud. It was scary and overwhelming and I didnt know what to do. I felt on edge, like something was about to happen at any minute. I wasnt sure what though. Maybe, I would just have to talk to someone and that seemed terrifying. I was faking being popular and comfortable around others but thats all it was. Fake. I didnt know how to do it around more people, I wasnt used to it. Katie seemed to be though, I realised, watching her out of the corner of my eye as she grabbed a plate from the pile and started loading food onto it. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to lower my shoulders and stand up straight. I forced a slight smile onto my face as I reached out for a plate, barely paying attention to what I was grabbing, just seeing enough to make sure that everything I selected was vegetarian. Katie waited for Abbie and me to be done before starting towards the long rectangular table where everyone sat. I stared at my plate as I walked towards it, hoping that Katie would choose a seat that was not in the centre where it was far too loud. Relief washed through me as she sat down right at the end, glancing at the people sitting nearest cautiously. I sat on the opposite side of the table, facing Katie, as Abbie chose the seat beside me, and started to eat. My eyes were fixed on my plate but I could feel someone looking at me. Curiosity got the better of me and I couldnt help but look up at the boy. He smiled before looking away, seemingly embarrassed and I forced myself not to look at him for too long but it was hard. There was something about him. He was cute, obviously, but it was more than that. He looked familiar. Maybe it was his face shape? It was kind of chiselled but softened when he smiled. His hair, perhaps? It wasnt particularly notable, light brown and a style that half the boys in my school had, even Oh. He looked like Duncan. 2.24 My confidence worried me. My legs hurt. My whole body ached but it felt good. Id gone on such a long run and it had been fantastic. I had enjoyed every moment even though I had gone further than I usually did, journeyed deeper into the woods. The reckless confidence that I had felt stayed with me, making it so I just didnt care. My usual worries about straying too far away from the house and how dangerous that could be if I were to get injured were gone. I didnt even care that my mom would be suspicious of how long I had been gone or that she would probably question me as soon as I returned to find out where I was and who I was with. I hadnt been with anyone, obviously, but she would never believe that. To my surprise, my mom hadnt been outside when I got back. She wasnt even waiting for me in the kitchen. She was watching television. Id felt her eyes on me as I climbed the stairs but she didnt say anything. She was suspicious though and I knew that the questions were coming. I didnt really care though. She was going to ask me questions, so what? I could deal with that, I had so far. My confidence worried me. There was a smaller part of my mind, a quieter one, that questioned how long it would last and when I would stop feeling like that. It was only a matter of time, I knew it. That made me think that I should be more careful, not do anything dumb to further incur my moms anger or suspicion but I couldnt help myself. Or more, I didnt want to stop. There was a part of me, a vindictive part, that enjoyed it. I liked the power it gave me, even though guilt followed. I did feel bad. It must be hard to live the way that she does, to be so riddled with constant doubt and paranoia. She never trusted anyone. Not me, not my dad. There was no one in her life that she didnt question which sounded so tiring really. I would hate to live that way. And I knew that I shouldnt add to it. I shouldnt purposefully make her feel worse, even if it made me feel better temporarily. It wasnt worth it and it wasnt kind. I needed to be better than her. I needed to at least try. Pulling on the first dress I touched when I reached into my wardrobe, I dropped down in front of my mirror and stared at my reflection. I looked good, alright at least. There were bags under my eyes which made me seem exhausted but I could cover those with makeup. I didnt normally really wear that much makeup but I wanted to now. For tonight, at least. I crawled towards my suitcase where Id tossed my makeup bag as soon as my grandparents had left, planning not to wear any again until I had to. But it was different this time. I wasnt wearing makeup to stop my grandparents and mom from judging me or to cover up my flaws, I was wearing it because I wanted to. Glancing at my reflection in the mirror again, I paused. I was wearing it to cover up some of my flaws but it felt different. It was for me this time, not someone else. That thought made me smile as I started to rub moisturiser onto my face. I couldnt remember the last time that I did something just for me, because I wanted to or to make myself happy. It felt like a silly thing to do, almost. Unnecessary in a way. I didnt really feel happy, not for more than just a fleeting moment unless I was in a dream, so why would I go out of my way to do something for that? It never lasted and it was never really worth it. It was just a waste of time and I just didnt have the energy to even try more often than not. I mean, why would I try? I knew that things would just go back to how they were before I felt the moment of joy and that would be worse. But, as I started to put makeup on, I realised that I was feeling something else. Something weird. It wasnt quite happiness, it felt less... noticeable. It was more contentment, maybe? It was like I wasnt happy but I wasnt as sad. As if my usual mood had been pulled up a little bit. I wasnt exactly sure what had caused it or where it had come from but it made it easier for me to breathe. Even if it left me worrying about it would get worse again and how Id feel then. I froze, my mascara wand held just in front of my face as my mind started to spiral on that. What if I felt worse and that feeling never went away? Normally, I just felt kind of numb, not sad but not happy. There were moments of sadness, of frustration or happiness but normally I just felt nothing. That was easier to deal with. It made the sadness easier, it didnt hit me quite as hard as it could have. As it did sometimes. I still had those days sometimes. Id wake up and the weight of everything just felt crushing. On those days, it felt kind of hard to be alive, which felt like a dramatic thing to admit. It was true though. Sometimes Id just lie in bed and fantasise about anything. It wasnt the same as how I did it now, they always felt more flat than my current daydreams. Nowhere near as realistic. And they were always much more mundane than anything Id fantasised about recently. They were always just about things like my parents divorcing, which made me guilty every time, or somehow being adopted by someone who gave me everything I ever wanted and actually loved and liked me. Or, Id dream that I was born into a different family. One that was happy which meant that I was happy. And popular. In that dream, I still went to the same school, the people were the same, but they all liked me. I was pretty and popular and I even did well in school. It was great but it wasnt real. It didnt even feel it, it just felt desperate. Are you almost ready to go? my mom asked as she pushed my door open suddenly, clearly hoping to catch me doing something that I shouldnt be doing. I jumped, almost stabbing myself in the eye with my mascara. I caught myself just in time. Yeah, I just need to finish doing my makeup, I said, smiling at her in the mirror. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and she looked around my room. Youre wearing makeup? Why? I shrugged. I just wanted to. It was the truth but I saw confusion flit over her face before looking away and starting to apply the mascara. The movement made my chest twinge slightly and I wasnt sure why. Surely, it couldnt still be hurting from when Id almost drowned before. Id been pretty much fine since. Moms eyes continued to burn into me as I started to comb through my hair with my fingers, debating how to wear it. Normally, Id straighten it or curl it, never really leaving it be. I cocked my head to the side, eyeing the frizzy yet wavy strands, before reaching for my hair oil. I wasnt going to do anything with it today, I decided. Id just tie it back and let it do whatever it wanted. Are you planning to wear tights? my mom asked but it sounded like it was a demand or maybe even an accusation. Im not sure what she meant by it or even really why she was asking but I glanced down at my legs. They were mostly covered by my dress and, for once, I didnt want to wear tights. I knew that my mom wouldnt like it, she argued that it made me look cheap or that I was too pale to show my legs off but I didnt care. No, I dont think so, I replied. She looked taken aback. Why not? I dont know, I just dont want to. The reckless confidence that Id felt before had found its way back into me, making it easier to stand my ground. It was about such a silly thing, something that no one would really care about so it didnt even matter, but it felt difficult to me. I wasnt used to standing up to my mom. Normally, I would have just said yes and ignored what I wanted. What I wanted didnt really matter, it was easier to ignore than my moms irritation. I saw her eyes narrow. I think we should go somewhere else for dinner, she decided. Confusion washed through me and I glanced back at her. Really? Why? I was genuinely curious. Her suggestion had come out of nowhere and I wasnt sure why but I saw victory flutter across her face. She thought I was going to meet someone at the restaurant and thats why I was wearing makeup and not wearing tights, I realised slowly. It was a win to her, she assumed that she had ruined my plans to meet up with someone, even though I was never going to do that. Im not really feeling pizza tonight, she said with a shrug and a smug smile. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. You never have I trailed off, knowing that it wasnt worth the argument. Where would you like to go? She was silent, obviously not having thought that far ahead and I could almost see her mind turning as she tried to think of a place. We went up to Scotland every year but there really werent that many places that we frequented and definitely not for dinner. The hotel was out of the question, a reservation was needed to eat there and we hadnt made one. We were too far away from any big city to have many options and my mom was picky. She had decided that she hated too many of the restaurants nearby and refused to go to them, even though many were good. Part of me enjoyed her indecision. She had brought it on herself by being so distrusting and fussy but I did feel a little bad. It was easy to ignore, however, as I turned my head to make sure that my hair looked okay. It was strangely bouncy. I liked that. OConnells, my mom decided eventually and I glanced at her in surprise. Really? She hated OConnells. It was essentially a pub, an upmarket one but still a pub. Wed been once before but it was enough for her to decide that we were never going to go back. It was too noisy, she claimed even though it hadnt been, and the food was bad. I didnt think that it was. I had really liked it, even if I couldnt remember what Id had. Yes, I hear its quietened down since we last went, she said. And Mom said they have a new head chef who actually knows how to cook. Unlike that last one I didnt have a response. There was no chance that my grandmother had ever set foot in OConnells. She would have hated it even more than my mom did. The noise, the atmosphere, would have made her furious. Are you ready to go now? my mom asked once it became obvious that I didnt plan on replying to her. Yeah, I said, glancing in the mirror one last time before grabbing my phone and standing up. A sour look appeared on my moms face. Are you sure you dont want to wear tights? Your legs are so pale. You need to spend more time outside. I fought the urge to roll my eyes at her. Nope, I said. Im good. Her lips pursed and I knew she was debating pushing it but I was feeling stubborn and I didnt really care about what she was going to say. After a moment of staring me down, she finally nodded. Thats your decision, I guess, she said with a heavy sigh. As long as youre comfortable with people seeing you like this. I wouldnt be but She shrugged before turning and starting along the corridor. Despite feeling so strong and certain moments before, I did feel a flicker of doubt in my stomach that made me want to grab some tights out of my suitcase but the thought of how smug she would be if I did stopped me from doing that. I wasnt willing to let her win. I normally did, it wasnt worth the fight, but this time, I didnt want to. Holding my head high, I followed her. She hadnt waited for me. She was already at the front door, stepping into her heels, before I caught up with her. Her eyes lingered on my legs as I put my shoes on and I knew she was annoyed that I hadnt given in. Luckily, she didnt say anything more about it though and I waited until we had left the house before slipping back into my fantasy. The room was dark and the bed was soft beneath me. It was nighttime or, at least, early morning. The entire afternoon and night had gone by without me really even noticing as I flitted in and out of the world whilst showering and getting ready. I could remember everything that happened though. The memories floated back to me hazily as I rolled over, pulling the duvet higher. We hadnt done much, not really. Wed just hung out. Id missed the scariest part, the part when Id introduced myself to the others and that boy who looked like Duncan. He was cute. His name was Seth and, as he introduced himself, it felt like his gaze had lingered on me for a while, how I wanted someone to look at me. Even when Katie had started talking, he didnt look away. Id blushed and looked down but I liked it. His attention hadnt been scary or worrying, the opposite. He seemed interested in me in a way that not many people were in this world. No one was, not really. Id never really dated anyone or flirted. In Mitchs world, I had but that was so brief that it didnt really count and I guess how I was texting Duncan was kind of flirting. But, not really. It was flirty, not flirting. I wasnt sure if there was much of a difference but it felt like it. Flirty felt less scary. People could be flirty with each other but flirting That felt like something else. I think if we were flirting, it meant that we werent just friends, that there was something else there. But there wasnt. We were just friends, even if it did feel like we could be more. I didnt want to risk it. Id known him for so long and, although we didnt hang out as much as we used to, we were still close. I didnt want to throw that away just because I had misinterpreted things and thought that there was more to the way he was acting than that. He was nice. He was probably just being kind to me. That would make sense, even though he had used the term date when talking about us hanging out when I got back from Scotland. Maybe he meant it as just like a friend date. That was a thing, right? I truly had no clue but I was almost convinced. I would just wait and see, I decided. Play it by ear and follow Duncans lead. If he was flirty then I would be too but, if not, I wouldnt be. I would just be normal. Even though I had just decided that, I still wanted to text him. It didnt need to be anything more than just a normal text but I couldnt bring myself to do it. I watched my mom out of the corner of my eye as I fiddled nervously with my phone. No, I wouldnt text him. That would be weird and he hadnt texted me so he was probably bored or busy or didnt want to talk to me or something. Id wait until he reached out, go from there. A loud jarring noise broke me out of my spiral and I opened my eyes, looking around as dizziness hit me. An alarm was going off but I had no clue where it was coming from and I was wracked with vertigo so I couldnt get up to look for the source of the noise. The now bright room spun around me and it took almost ten seconds for the nausea to subside. I sat up carefully, looking at the others in panic. They looked just as scared as I did but Katie was already out of her bed. Is there a fire? she called over the noise. It stopped just as suddenly as it had started, leaving us in a shocked silence. No one moved for a moment, we just continued to stare at each other. That wasnt I started hesitantly. Was that just the morning alarm? A laugh tumbled out of Katies lips. Surely not! That was horrible! I dont know. It is seven thirty and the schedule did say that there would be a wake-up alarm then, Abbie said, holding up her phone. Are they going to wake us up like that every morning? Katie asked, sounding concerned. I hated it. Me too, I added, stretching and climbing out of bed. It did work though. Im wide awake now. Katie chuckled. I am too. Do you mind if I use the bathroom first? she asked. No, thats fine with me, I said. Yeah, go ahead, Abbie told her with a smile. Great! Katie said as she started to walk towards the bathroom. I watched her go, my eyebrows pulling together. She was wearing the same pyjamas as Abbie and I, theyd been supplied by the Academy. The shorts revealed a lot of her long legs and they were speckled with bruises. Id seen marks on her arms before but it was still concerning. I felt like I should say something, ask her if she was alright, but I knew that there was no real point. If there was a reason that she had those bruises, if someone had caused them, she was away from them now. I looked away and started to walk towards my wardrobe. I pulled it open, staring blankly at the many options inside, and wondered what to wear. Id worn a skirt yesterday which made me want to wear something else today. But then the skirt felt like a safer option. I knew what it looked like and how I looked in it so it wouldnt be as stressful for me. Was it weird to wear the same thing again? It felt weird even though, logically, I knew that it wasnt. Impulsively, I reached out and tugged one of the dresses off of the hanger, deciding to wear that. I had just finished rooting around in my drawers to find underwear and tights when Katie emerged from the bathroom, her face still damp. Do you mind if I go next? I asked Abbie who shook her head. Thanks! Rushing into the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and dropped my clothes on the shelf. I didnt want to take too long because I knew that Abbie still needed to get changed and everything so I rushed through my morning routine. Before long, my teeth were brushed, my hair was tied back and I was dressed. I glanced around the room before dropping my pyjamas into the chute and opening the door again. You look lovely, Katie called as I stepped out of the bathroom. We match! I looked down at myself self-consciously. We had both decided to wear dresses but hers suited her more. Im not sure why, she just looked better than I did. We do, I said, forcing a smile onto my face. You look nice too. Katie grinned before looking at Abbie. You should wear a dress too so we all match! she told her. Abbie grimaced, looking between us awkwardly. I dont really like to wear dresses, she said uncomfortably. Sorry Dont worry! Katie replied immediately, her tone genuine. Wear whatever makes you comfortable! Abbie smiled but still hesitated as she chose her clothes, glancing at Katie and me several times. It made me feel bad, like I should offer to get changed or something, but that felt like a weird offer. I didnt want to make Abbie uncomfortable but then I also didnt want to single her out and if Katie and I were both wearing dresses, would she feel excluded? I mean, she was the one who had decided not to wear a dress so probably not, right? Were not expected to remember our timetable right away, are we? Katie asked me, as if I would know somehow. I doubt it, I said before immediately being seized by worry. What if they did expect that from us and I wasnt prepared? It seemed silly that they would assume we could remember it so quickly but then I didnt know how things worked in the Academy so maybe they would. Maybe they held us to higher standards than normal schools would and wed get in trouble if we didnt know. I couldnt remember anything that I had today. There was been an assembly in the morning, a doctors appointment at some point in the afternoon and a class that was just called Firearms but I couldnt remember when that was exactly. I reached for the folder that was on my bedside cabinet, knowing that I should have spent longer reading through it the night before but I had been so distracted by the others and by getting to know them that I had abandoned it at some point. It was so stupid of me! I glanced up for just long enough to send Abbie a tight smile as she came out of the bathroom before looking back at the timetable, trying desperately to commit it to memory. Katie was silent as she stared at hers, her lips moving as she read. Whats the matter? Abbie asked, watching us cautiously. Youve read more of the folder than us, Katie said. Do you know if were meant to have memorised our timetables already or can we, like, take it with us? Abbies eyebrows pulled together. No, there are multiple copies in there. Im pretty sure youre meant to bring it with you, she said. A sigh of relief washed through me as I reached for the top of the plastic wallet and realised that she was right. Oh, phew! Katie said with a laugh. Okay, shall we go to breakfast? 2.25 Somethings gone wrong. I smiled at Scott as I sat down but my eyes were already darting along the table towards Seth. Annoyingly, he was sitting at the other end. He had been when we walked in but Katie had loaded her plate and sat down before I had a chance to. It would have been weird for me not to sit with her and Abbie was following me closely so I felt like I couldnt go anywhere else. I kind of wanted to sit near Seth but I knew it was stupid. He was just a boy and I didnt even know him. What would I have to say to him? But that didnt matter. Not here. Here I could do whatever I wanted, talk to whoever I wanted. I didnt need to worry about anything. So, we have assembly first thing, Abbie said, picking nervously at her bacon. What do you think theyre going to talk about in it? I shrugged as I cut into the hash brown on my plate. It was so deliciously crisp, perfectly so, but the inside was still fluffy and soft. All of the food at the academy had been so good so far. It was wonderful. I dont know, Katie said. I guess just normal introduction stuff? What counts as normal introduction stuff at a spy school? Scott muttered without looking up from his plate. Katie laughed, the noise delighted and tinkling. Fair point. I truly have no clue, she paused, cocking her head slightly. I dont think weve met yet. Im Katie. At that, Scott glanced up but his expression was nervous. It was like he expected her to say something cruel. I was a little worried too. She was too pretty, too clearly popular. Although she has been nothing but nice to Abbie and me, I didnt trust her. I knew too many people like her in real life. Too many people who were mean. Scott, he said, watching her carefully. She smiled at him and I waited, cautious of what shed say next. However, she didnt get the chance to respond because the door opened. Someone walked in, an adult, pushing a cart in front of them. There was a row of small white plastic cups on the trolley and a jug of water. I felt my eyebrows pull together as I stared. Each of the cups seemed to have a label on, I could just about see the edge of one from where I was sitting but I couldnt see anything more and I had no clue what was in the cups. Good morning, the man said, smiling at us. Good morning, a few people responded. Some of you already know me but Im Rory and Im the nurse here, he told us. Each and every morning, Ill come around to bring you your medication. I met some of you yesterday when I dropped off your medications but from now on, Ill deliver them during meal times, unless weve already spoken about it. If you dont want to have your medication handed out during this time, feel free to stay seated for now and you can come and see me before or after assembly. How does that sound? He looked at us expectantly again but no one answered him. I wasnt sure if he really expected an answer though. I mean, what were we meant to say? Surely, the people who didnt want to have their pills in front of everyone wouldnt want to speak and the rest wouldnt have anything to say. Okay, great! So, obviously, not all of you are on medication at the moment but those of you who are can come and get them now. Its only prescribed medication so if you feel theres a supplement or something that you should have received but youve not gotten, just drop in to see me and we can sort it out, he said with a kind smile. Alright, up you come! There was a pause where no one moved. I thought for a moment that no one was going to go up and get their medication but, then Katie stood. She smiled shyly before squeezing past me and walking up to Rory. Ah, remind me of your name? he asked as more people started to stand. It was surprising just how many people went up to collect medication. I thought that it would have only been a couple of people, even though there were a bunch of cups on the trolley, but I think most of the cohort were on some kind of medication. That felt strange to me. I mean, what kind of pills would they all be on? Part of me longed to ask, wanting to know almost desperately, but I knew I shouldnt. It felt so rude. I tried not to stare at Katie as she returned but I was fully away that Abbie and I were watching her interestedly. She sat down, grabbed her water and drained it with a grimace. I hate those. They taste so bad, she muttered, more to herself than us. Oh, really? Abbie asked. What do they taste like? Katie smiled but there was something uncomfortable about her expression. I mean Im anaemic so Im on iron tablets and they just taste really she paused, searching for an answer, metallic. Abbie laughed. Oh, ew! That sounds horrible. Yeah, it really is! Luckily, my other pills dont taste like anything, Katie said with a shrug as she picked up her cutlery again. What are the other pills? Abbie asked before her eyes widened and she froze. Oh no, you dont need to answer that! Im sorry, sometimes I speak without thinking and I didnt mean to! Im just interested but you dont need to tell us if you dont want to. I watched her babbling with a grimace on my face. It was so awkward, so uncomfortable. I felt sorry for her but at the same time, part of me was glad that shed asked the question. It was nosey and rude and I had no right to know but I was intrigued. Oh, its fine, Katie said, her tone blithe but her posture didnt match it. Her hand gripped her fork so tightly that her knuckles were white and her jaw was clenched. No, really! Im so sorry, that was so rude of me! Abbie continued, somehow making it worse. No, no, I get it! Its fine, I dont mind talking about it, Katie said. I have depression and ADHD. My gaze snapped to her face. Somehow, I hadnt seen that coming. She seemed so normal, so happy. How could she be depressed? I mean, Id seen the bruises on her body, it was clear her home life wasnt good but I was still surprised. The way she said it was so free. I was almost jealous. Oh! Abbie said, looking relieved. I didnt think girls really had ADHD, isnt that more of a boy thing? Katie laughed. I mean, I think more boys have it but I read this paper about it once that said they reckon that its just noticed in boys more than girls but that girls have it just as much. I dont really know though, she said with a shrug, some of the tension disappearing from her shoulders. Oh really? Thats so interesting. I wonder why that is, Abbie said. Katie shrugged. No clue. She continued eating and I wanted to say something else, to change the subject but my mind wouldnt move on. Youre on medication for depression? I blurted out. Katie looked at me, confusion flickering across her face. Yeah? she said unsurely. There was something in her expression, something in the way she was watching me that made me realise she was worried about what I was about to say. I should have stopped, talked about something else, but I couldnt help the question from slipping out. Does it help? It sounded so raw, so vulnerable. I hated sounding like that but I needed to know. I mean, I wasnt depressed, I had no reason to be. My life was fine, there were so many other people out there who had it worse than me so I had no real reason to be. I was just sad sometimes but that was it. I was mostly just numb but that was fine. It was normal, I was sure. Id always felt that way after all. Yeah, Katie said after a slight pause. I mean, it doesnt fix everything but it makes life a little easier to deal with. I didnt have a response to that. I wanted life to feel easier. This car park is so busy, my mother grumbled loudly, pulling me out of the fantasy. Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. I blinked and looked around, my heart still gripped with longing. I couldnt bring myself to speak to her though. I had nothing to say. What would she say if I told her that I wanted to go on medication? If I wanted to go on antidepressants? Shed mock me, I was certain. I mean, I didnt have it bad. I had somewhere to live, there was always enough food and I wasnt being abused. I was just sad. If I stopped to think about it for too long, I realised that. It had become so normal for me that I barely even noticed it so I could ignore it and just feel nothing. Maybe if I had the medication, Id feel something. Maybe even something good? No, I couldnt do it. I wasnt depressed. I was fine. There we go. I swear, no one knows how to park around here, my mom complained as she pulled into a parking space. Again, I said nothing. I waited, my mind churning slowly, for her to finish applying her lipstick before squeezing out of the car. Shed parked so close to the car next to hers, I could barely get out but she had no difficulty. I raced across the parking after her. She didnt bother waiting for me but I didnt expect her to either, she never did. It didnt matter, I caught up with her before we reached the door to OConnells. As we entered, I was hit with a wall of noise and the scent of fried food. My mouth started to water. I wasnt sure what exactly had been fried, all I knew was that I wanted to eat it. I was going to. I would find a way to have something fried for dinner, even though my mom would definitely have something to say about it. Table for two, my mom said as we approached the hostess. She looked up at us in surprise and I felt like her eyes lingered on our clothes for a little bit too long. It made sense. We were both wearing dresses and my mom was in heels. Everyone else in the pub was wearing much more casual clothes, mostly just jeans. Even the hostess was just wearing jeans and a crimson top with the name of the pub scrawled across it. We were so out of place. Of course, the hostess said, grabbing a couple of menus and starting to walk towards the back of the room. Have you eaten here before? Yes, my mother said in a sharp voice that made me cringe. It just felt so unnecessarily rude and I hated it. The woman was just being polite, she was doing her job. My mom didnt need to act like that. We stopped at a booth and the woman smiled at us again. Hows this one? she asked. Fine, my mom said, not even looking at the woman as she slid onto the bench. Thank you, I said to the hostess, my tone deliberate and pointed. Im not sure what came over me but I was so irritated by my mom. It angered me. I just didnt get why she had to be so dismissive. Youre very welcome! Here are your menus, do you have any dietary requirements? the hostess asked, looking at me. Im a vegetarian but apart from that, no. Oh, fantastic! I am too! Can I recommend the halloumi fries? Theyre my favourite, she said, pointing at them on the menu. The seasoning mix they use on them is just delicious. That did sound good. Thanks, I told her. I might have to get those. The womans smile widened. Great! Okay, your server Jackie will be over in just a few minutes to take your drink order but if you need anything else, just let me know, she said, before walking away from us. My mom huffed loudly. Well, she was certainly friendly, wasnt she? Mom said in a snide tone. I made a noncommittal noise. I had no idea what she meant by that and I didnt really care to ask. Ignoring her, I turned the menu over, looking at the drink options. They were fairly normal, just standard options. I was probably just going to go for a diet coke. Why would we order the halloumi? my mom continued with a snort when it became clear that I wasnt going to answer her. I mean, look at her. She could do with laying off the fries and maybe trying a salad! Anger flashed through me and, in that moment, I decided I was going to order the halloumi fries. It was such a stupid and petty thing for my mom to say and there was nothing wrong with the woman, she had a great figure. My mom was just being cruel. I should have been used to it but I was still annoyed. Part of me longed to return to the fantasy where I was still eating breakfast with the others. We were chatting freely, I could almost feel my mouth moving as I spoke, hear Katie, Abbie and Scott laugh at something I said. I didnt want to though. The thought of going back there made me kind of sad. I knew that any time Katie laughed, it would make me envious. Id think about how easily she could do it, how happy she seemed. Its stupid. She might not actually feel that happy, it could all be an act but it felt so real. I wished I could feel that way or at least fake it as convincingly as she did. Maybe if I faked happiness for long enough, Id actually start to feel it. Hello, another woman said as she approached the table. Im Jackie and Ill be your server for the evening. Have you decided on some drinks or do you want me to come back? My mother raised an eyebrow but didnt look up from her menu. Im ready to order now, I told Jackie with a smile. Can I just get a diet coke? Sure, is Pepsi alright? Part of me wanted to say no, just to see what would happen, but I already felt bad for the woman for having to put up with my mom and she hadnt even spoken yet. I just knew shed be rude. Thats great, thank you. Wonderful, Jackie said, scribbling down my order. And will that be a half pint or a whole? I considered it for just a moment before deciding. Whole, please. Fantastic. And, what would you like? My mom barely looked up. Just a glass of your house red. Large. Great. And are you ready to order food now too? the waitress asked, looking at me again. Yeah, I am. Are you? I asked my mom. She didnt answer for a moment, slowly reading the menu and taking her time to do so. I guess. I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes. Can I get the halloumi fries to start and then the mac and cheese for mains? I asked the waitress, very aware of my moms gaze on my face. Oh, I didnt know we were having starters, she said in a tone that told me I was making a mistake. Are you sure you want cheese for both courses? There was a correct answer to that question and it wasnt the one I was about to give. Reluctance fluttered within me before being squashed and replaced with something stronger. Something that cared less. Yeah, the other waitress made the halloumi fries sound so good so I thought Id give them a go, I said in a light tone. Youve definitely made the right decision, theyre great, Jackie told me, with a smile. And, what would you like? My mom continued to stare at me for a moment. I wasnt sure what the expression on her face was. It was close to irritation or annoyance but there was something more there too. Almost a cautiousness. She was concerned by my actions, confused at least. I think she didnt expect me to stand up to her, she wasnt used to it. That made me kind of happy but Im not sure that it should have. Part of me was almost proud of myself. It made me feel better, a little lighter. I will have the battered haddock, my mom decided. That surprised me. I think that she liked fish and chips but she rarely actually had it. She generally just decided to have something healthier, like a salad. She didnt today though. No starter? Jackie asked, looking at my mom expectantly. Mom started to open her mouth, undoubtedly to refused before shutting it and looking down at the menu again. The nachos, she said finally. I tried to keep the surprise off of my face but I knew that I was unsuccessful. I just couldnt believe that shed ordered nachos. It felt so weird. Suspicion started to enter me, paranoia nipping at my mind. What if it didnt feel like my mom because it wasnt? What if this was a fantasy? Id entered them before without really noticing too much, it could have happened again. I could be in a fantasy where my mom was kinder, where she cared less about what she ate or looking a certain way. I looked around as Jackie took the menus from us. The restaurant looked the same as it had when wed walked in, I was almost sure of it but I hadnt really been paying too much attention. All I noticed was that people were dressed mostly in jeans and there was that nice hostess. My eyes scanned the room, looking for her. If she was there, I would know that I was in reality. But I couldnt find her. She wasnt there. Desperation started to gather in my stomach and I felt my mind reaching out, trying to find a way home but nothing felt right. I brushed past countless worlds, countless dizzinesses with slightly different feels. What would happen if I could never find a way home? Who are you looking for? my mom asked in a sharp tone. Relief washed through me as I spotted the hostess. She was seating an older couple on the other side of the restaurant, I hadnt been able to see her around the bar. She caught my eye and smiled. No one, I told my mom. We were in reality. I was still there. My mom scoffed and I saw her start to open her mouth but I didnt want to hear what she was going to say next. Being in the fantasy world where I would be reminded that I could be happy had to be better than being with my mom. I fell heavily into a seat as vertigo rocked me, making me feel off balance. The folding chair skidded back slightly but luckily, no one looked at me. They were too distracted by the four adults, teachers probably, who sat at the front of the room. I smiled when my eyes met Ms Brices before looking away again. It felt kind of strange to be having an assembly with so few of us. I mean, Id only been in ones at my school before and that was full school ones. There were hundreds of kids crammed into the hall but here? I turned my head, counting quickly. There were only twenty-five of us. That felt like two little and it made me wonder how big the whole school was, the academy. Surely there couldnt be hundreds of students there if our cohort only had twenty-five. But then I didnt know how often they had new students coming in. Was it a frequent thing? I really wasnt sure. If it was a constant thing that they did whenever they moved people out of the induction wing, there could be a lot of people in the academy but if it only happened once or twice a year I wasnt sure. Good morning, Ms Brice said, causing the whispers to stop immediately. I hope youre all having a pleasant time here so far. We just wanted to welcome you to the school and announce your official Academy houses! The three other teachers at the front of the classroom clapped, the noise sudden and unexpected. I glanced at them, eyeing them carefully, before looking back to Ms Brice who hadnt even stood to address us. Im not sure that I expected to see her again but I was glad that I had. I knew her, at least a little bit. More than the other teachers. That was reassuring to me. Now, she continued, houses work a little differently here in the Academy to how they might have in your previous schools. Whilst youre in the induction period, house points are counted separately from the rest of the school, but once you leave youll enter a very competitive fight. Its a lot of fun. Go Hallowes! one of the men at the front of the room cheered. I watched him in confusion. I assumed that was the name of one of the houses but it was strange. At my last school, no one really cared about their houses. The school tried to make it a thing, pitting classes against each other during sports days but it was always half-assed at best. Ms Brice smiled indulgently at the man. We all have a bit of a soft spot for our houses, she told us with a smile before resuming her normal professional tone. The houses are named after famous spies throughout history who may or may not have worked with the Academy in one capacity or another. Some were technically before our time but that doesnt mean they didnt contribute. I had no clue what she meant by that but, judging on the expressions of the tutors at the front of the room, they did. Id need to google it later or ask someone but, I glanced at Katie and Abbie out of the corner of my eyes, they looked just as baffled as I was. How this works, the man who had cheered earlier announced in a booming voice, is that youre going to approach the front of the room and find the envelope with your name on. Thatll have your house pin in it. If your names not there somethings gone wrong. He started to laugh but panic shot through me. What if my name wasnt there? 2.26 Somehow, that did not make me feel any better. Alright, the man said, having finally stopped laughing. Come and get your pins! There was a brief moment of silence where no one moved before we stood, almost as one. My gaze was fixed on the unassuming envelopes as I walked towards them. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, anxiety racing through me so uncontrollably that my knees felt weak and my hands were sweaty. What would happen if my name wasnt there? Surely, it had to be. My name was on the dorm room door, Ms Brice knew so much about me and she had come to my house. There were documents with my name on. But still, I was scared. Would I be kicked out? Sent home? I felt like the fantasy was just beginning to get good, just beginning to grip me and make me wish it was real. I wasnt ready for it to be over. Not yet. We didnt speak as we approached the table and we moved slowly. I think that everyone had the same fears that I did, we were all scared of losing this wonderful chance at life and being sent back to whatever hellscape wed been taken from. I hesitated, lingering back to let other people go before me. It wasnt how I should be acting, I wanted to be confident here, but I couldnt bring myself to push to the front. It didnt really matter though. Before long, there was an empty space in front of me. Too many people were reluctant to find out their fate and I had no excuse not to step forwards and approach the table. Oh, phew, Katie muttered under her breath from beside me as she grabbed an envelope and grinned. I couldnt return her smile though. My eyes were too busy scanning the envelope. The names were handwritten in dark blue ink, the penmanship swirling and bordering on calligraphy. It was beautiful but hard to read. Pepsi? a womans voice asked, ripping me out of the fantasy. For a moment, I fought to stay, clawing against the dizziness that pulled at me. I needed to stay, to find out if my name was there. But I couldnt. I didnt trust that Id respond to the waitress properly and I was scared of how my mom would react to that. Id already been acting weirdly recently, I knew that. I didnt want to give her more cause for suspicion. Here, please, I said, half in the fantasy. It was strange, like I could see both worlds at once. My vision felt different, unfocused as if one eye was showing me reality and the other, the spy school. It was hard to see them both and actually pay attention but at least it meant I wasnt missing anything. I was sure I had done it before, maybe during the drive up to Scotland. I had been in two worlds at once, but now it felt different. They both felt different. My real world was less in focus, less real, but the fantasy was much more vivid and present. Time was moving strangely there though. It was too slow, my gaze moved from name to name in what felt like slow motion. Fantastic, the waitress said as she placed the large glass in front of me. And you must have ordered the house red? Yes, my mom said. The waitress smiled as she placed the wine glass in front of my mom. Jackies already taken your order, hasnt she? the woman asked. She has, I said. Thank you. Not a problem, shout if you need anything else, she said before turning and walking away, her ponytail bouncing in time with her steps. I felt like I needed to do something else before disappearing again and found myself reaching out for my glass. My vision was skewed though, my depth perception off. My hand bumped into it too hard, causing some of the drink to slosh out and dribble down the side of the cup. Mom pursed her lips, watching my clumsy movements, before reaching out for her own glass as I managed to grab the cup. The drink was cold, the bubbles tickling my tongue but I barely tasted it. My mother, apparently, did not have the same problem, unfortunately. Her nose wrinkled delicately, her expression disgusted. Is everything alright? I asked as she sniffed the wine carefully. She took another sip, taking her time and cocking her head to the side as she swirled it. Finally, she looked up at me. I dont know if this wine is corked or if they just have a cheap house wine here, she said with a heavy sigh. Although, honestly, how do you go wrong with a Merlot? I didnt answer her, choosing instead to rush back into my fantasy to avoid rolling my eyes at her. My hand was reaching out towards an envelope that had my name scrawled on the front. Relief coursed through me but there was still panic there. What if there was no pin inside, what if it was still a prank? As soon as I picked it up, my panic subsided though. I could feel the solid lump of metal inside the thick paper. The backing of the pin jutted out and I ran my thumb over it as I stepped away from the table, letting Abbie slip in. I stared down at the envelope again before looking around. Was I meant to open it? I truly didnt know. Some people had but others hadnt. No one was being told off for it though which made me think that I should. Got it! Abbie said, appearing at my elbow, a relieved grin on her face. I really thought my name wasnt there for a second. I thought the A was a H! Confusion washed through me and I glanced down at her envelope. Somehow, she was right. It was so elaborately written, so embellished, that it did look like the wrong letter. I know, I told her. I couldnt find my name at first either. Should we go sit down before we open them? she asked. I think that Katies waiting for us. My gaze followed Abbies nod, landing on Katie who was smiling at us. The white card in her hand seemed untouched and still sealed. Sure! Katies smile widened as she approached. Im scared to open it, she confessed as we sat down again. I mean, what if were in different houses? She sounded scandalised by the idea and I found that I was too. I barely knew any of the others and I didnt want to be taken away from my new friends just yet, even though I didnt really know anything about the houses or how they worked in the Academy. Either way, I found myself staring down at the concealed pin, anxiety starting to nibble at my stomach again. Lets just open them, I said, already flipping the envelope over and running my finger under the seam. I could see the others doing the same out of the corner of my eye but most of my attention was on the item in my hands. The flap opened and I reached inside, pulling out the small pin and staring at it. The image of a woman stared back at me. She was in some kind of military uniform, complete with a dark green hat that had an intricate golden symbol on the front, but there was something about her expression that I couldnt look away from. One eyebrow was cocked and there was a slight smile on her face. Noor Inayat Khan, Katie read the gold lettering on her badge quietly. I assume shes a spy but I dont know anything about her. Do you? I shook my head but Abbie didnt. I think Ive read about her. She was around during the war, I think. I dont know what she did though, she said. I got her too, by the way. I guess were all in the same house! Noor Inayat Khan, one of the tutors said as she walked up to us and stood at the end of our row with her hands on her hips, was a secret agent during the Second World War, good memory on that by the way, Abbie. She was the first female wireless operator to be sent from the United Kingdom into France to help with the revolution but thats not all she did. Do you remember anything else about her? The tutor looked at Abbie expectantly. Abbies face flushed and I could see the panic written across her face. Umm she started before sadly saying, No. Thats alright, I know that Khan is rarely taught about in schools. Khans childhood was a difficult one, plagued with many troubles, and yet she succeeded. Despite being a pacifist, when the war started she and her brother decided they wanted to help. She joined the Womens Auxiliary Air Force and was trained to become a wireless operator but quickly became bored after assignment which makes sense, the tutor said with a smirk. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I had no response to that. I didnt really even know what a wireless operator was but I didnt want to ask in case it made me look bad or stupid. I assumed it was something to do with radios, based on the name alone. Maybe she worked on those, helped send secret messages or something? Katie met my gaze and shrugged at me, showing me that she had no clue what the tutor was talking about either. Luckily, she applied to join the Special Operations Executive, an organisation founded to aid in the war efforts through espionage, sabotage and reconnaissance. Her previous training gave her the edge over the other cohorts and, despite many sexist reports which argued she was unsuitable for field work, a female superior recognised her strength, the tutor said. The passion and pride on her face made something inside of me stir. It was a similar passion, a dedication to do something but I wasnt sure what. I wanted to fight, to do my part. To be strong. An assignment came in, one that Noor was perfect for. It was to maintain a connection between the international network of agents and the headquarters in London. She was required to send messages in Morse code, passing on the reports of operations and supply requirements. It was a dangerous job, one where she constantly placed herself at risk to provide a service to her country, the tutor told us. And her work was exemplary, although the true impact is still unknown. I have the nachos, a womans voice said, ripping me out of the fantasy. I was confused for a moment as I stared up at the woman who I half-recognised. She was looking at me expectantly and I had no clue why. Here, my mother said. Great, and the halloumi fries. Can I get either of you anything else? A refill? Jackie, the waitress, asked. I looked down at the plate of halloumi fries she had placed in front of me and shook my head, already leaving that world. She was able to lie consistently whilst under interrogation, the tutor said, her eyes still blazing with passion. However, enough information was found when searching her belongings and address for the opposition to pose as her and continue sending messages which were not investigated as they should be and led to the capture and execution of several agents. I felt my heart drop. I had missed something, I had missed the part where she was captured. I should have expected it but I still found myself half-hoping that she was somehow still alive. It was unlikely, if she was alive during the war, she would have been really old but I wanted her to be alive. Khan managed to escape the headquarters that she was being held in, freeing a fellow agent and resistance leader during the escape but unfortunately was recaptured during an unexpected air raid alert, the tutor said with a sad shake of her head. Refusing to renounce future escapes, Khan was deemed too dangerous to remain and was taken to another facility where she was held in solitary confinement and shackled. Yet, she still refused to give any information. What happened to her? a boy who was seated in front of us asked, staring back at the tutor. Did she escape again? No, the tutor said simply. She was executed. My heart sank. I thought there would be more to the story, some hopeful ending, but there wasnt. I almost wanted to say something, to object, but what could I say? It had happened so long ago, there was nothing that I could do. Oh, I heard Katie say. A disappointing end but her legacy lives on and I am proud to be a member of the house that was named after her, the tutor said. And you all should too. She showed dedication, intelligence and a strong sense of justice. I nodded, looking down at the pin. I wanted it to fill me with the same passion that the tutor clearly felt but it just made me feel empty. I knew that things like that happened in the war and that her tale was definitely not the worst but it still felt wrong. No one deserved to suffer, she deserved better. A bell chimed gently, breaking me out of my thoughts. Ah, were running out of time, the tutor said, and I havent even introduced myself! You can call me Hannah and Im the firearms and ammunition teacher. You three and the four other Khans are my responsibility now and Im certain you will not disappoint. Her tone made it seem like that was not an option and I didnt want to know what would happen if I were to disappoint her. She looked strict. There was something about her that made me assume that. Maybe it was the way her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a tight low bun with not even a single hair out of place. Or maybe it was the expression on her face. You dont need to wear the badges all of the time, if you dont want to, but your house should be seen as a point of pride. Khan was an incredible person, you should try to live up to her name, she told us. I was almost glad when something pulled me out of that world again. How was your halloumi? my mom had asked. The question surprised me and I quickly swallowed the sip of Pepsi that I had just taken so that I could answer her. Delicious, thanks, I said even though I couldnt remember what it had tasted like. I glanced down at my plate, noticing that it was empty. Disappointment washed through me. I had wanted to try them, to know what they tasted like. The hostess had made them sound so good. My mom didnt reply to me and I realised too slowly that I should have repeated the question to her. She was trying, or at least, she was doing more than she usually did. I should return the effort. How were your, I glanced at her plate quickly to double check what she had ordered, nachos? She frowned as she looked down at her own plate. She had eaten more of them, almost clearing it. A few chips were scattered around with a couple of blobs of salsa and melted cheese. Soggy, she said. I assume they made them and left them out when they were waiting for yours to finish cooking. That made me want to reply but the words refused to leave my lips. It was stupid. I hadnt done anything wrong and, even if that had happened, it wasnt my fault. There was nothing I could have done to speed them up. A feigned sympathetic smile came to my face. What a shame, I said but the tone was wrong. It was too flat, too obvious that I felt nothing. Are you all done? Jackie asked, suddenly appearing at the table. Yes, my mom said. Great, and how was everything? She looked between us expectantly. Lovely, thank you, Mom replied. I felt my eyebrows raise but I didnt say anything. I shouldnt have been surprised that my mom didnt want to mention her complaints, she never did. Pretty much everywhere we went, she had some issue with the food or the drink but she would never say anything about it. I think she just liked to complain. It made her feel better for some reason. Wonderful, Ill be back in just a minute with your mains, Jackie said cheerfully as she grabbed our plates and walked away. Mom and I sat in silence for a minute, staring at each other. I had nothing to say and I dont think she did either. It felt like wed run out of conversation topics after however long wed been in Scotland for and I couldnt think of anything else to talk about. It felt like the easy way out but I found myself reaching for the fantasy again as my mom reached for her phone. I cant believe were in the same house, Katie was saying as I returned. Do you think that was on purpose? We were walking again, assembly must have been over. I thought back, trying to remember what I had missed. There hadnt been much. They told us that we had a class now, basics, and that it would teach us more. I wasnt sure what to make of that but I followed the others through the corridors anyway. I mean, the idea of having a class called basics felt weird to me but then I wasnt in a regular school anymore. Maybe I shouldnt have expected the Academy to follow the same rules that my old school did. I was kind of excited too. I wanted to get started and learn whatever they were going to teach me. I assume so? Abbie said. I think most people are in the same house as their dorm mates, right? I hadnt really paid any attention to anyone else but now, I looked over my shoulder at the boys who were walking behind us. They seemed to be wearing the same badges, as far as I could tell, but I wasnt sure if they were dorm mates or not. They were talking and seemed to know each other so maybe they were? One of the boys met my gaze and smiled, his expression flirtatious. I looked away quickly, unsure of what else to do. I dont know, we should ask someone. Does everyone have basics now? Katie asked as we entered the classroom. A few people were already seated behind a row of desks but there was no tutor there yet which made me pause. I glanced at the door again, spotting the number twenty-three on it. We were in the right room. It seems like it, I said as more people filtered in. We should probably grab a seat. Abbie started to move towards the desk at the front of the classroom without hesitation and we followed her. It looked just like a normal classroom but the walls were entirely blank. Theyd been painted a pleasant light blue but it felt strange to not see any posters or anything on them. I dont think there was a single room at my school without anything on the walls but here, there werent even any scuffs. It almost looked freshly painted. My unease was forced out of my head as someone walked into the room, instead being replaced by confusion. The person was clearly older than the rest of us so they must have been a tutor but they didnt look old enough. He couldnt have been older than twenty, if that. And, he was handsome. Dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, it was clear that he had a good figure. He almost looked like Oscar, from Mitchs world. He was limping though. One of his legs didnt seem to bend properly and, as he got to the front of the room, it became obvious why he was walking like that. His left leg was encased in a brace of some kind that had been strapped over his jeans which was making him lean heavily on his other leg as he moved. Excuse me for not sitting down whilst I teach you, he said as he leaned back against the front desk, this thing makes it a little hard. A soft laugh went around the room as he smiled at us and again, I was struck by how handsome he was. His smile was wide, showing off perfect teeth. There was no way he was a teacher, he could have been a model or something. You lot can call me Rodgers and, before you ask, this is my first time teaching a class. Ive been forced to whilst recovering from this injury, he said dramatically as he reached down to knock on the hard plastic. Um, yes. I dont know any of your names yet. Sorry. I turned to look at the person hed pointed to. A boy who Id spoken to briefly held his hand in the air, his expression nervous. Oh, Im Dean, the boy said quickly. Um if youre not a teacher, does that mean youre a spy? My eyes widened and I looked back at the teacher who laughed. Yes, he said with a slight laugh. Im a field operative and yes, before you ask, I got this whilst on assignment. Abbies hand shot up. Yes? Rodgers asked, gesturing to her. What happened, sir? The teacher grimaced. Oh, God, dont call me that, please. It makes me sound so old, he requested, but it sounded like more of a plea. Its not a big deal at all. I got shot in the leg and it aggravated an old injury so Im on desk duty until I get the all-clear to go back out. Any other questions? What was the old injury? someone asked. Ah, should have seen that one coming, Rodgers said. I made a stupid mistake and dislocated my knee during a parachute jump in training. My other leg was a little mangled at the time from a bear trap so I shouldnt have jumped but decided to anyway. I felt my mouth drop open. Hed said it so blithely, like it wasnt a big deal, and that scared me. Id never seen a bear trap in real life before, just in movies, and they looked so dangerous. But then, we were in the UK, I was pretty sure. Why was there a bear trap around? I wanted to ask but I couldnt bring myself to. Everyone else was silent too, staring at the teacher in shock. He seemed to realise that hed scared us because guilt flashed across his face. But, luckily, that taught me a valuable lesson, he said quickly. Always listen to your doctor and the instructors, always check for unexpected traps and pay attention when youre being taught how to land safely! Somehow, that did not make me feel any better. 2.27 You鈥檝e changed in the worst way possible. My head was spinning. The teacher, Rodgers, spoke in such a relaxed way, as if he was just chatting with friends, but the things he was saying filled me with anxiety and confusion. The whole point of the class was to give us information about the world and about how things worked with the Academy. To fill us in on some of the things that we are lied to about in real life. Like the fact that there are supposedly spies everywhere. He kept saying that. Apparently, its just a thing that happens. Some of the spies arent even in important places though, some of them are just there. Like, he told us about the first mission he went on as a kid. That one was dealing with corporate espionage, which is a thing I had never heard of. I mean, companies had to be aware of it though because people sell their secrets all the time, he said. But it wasnt even like big companies or huge secrets. The mission Rodgers was sent on was at a car dealership! That didnt feel right to me. It just felt so trivial. Hed laughed about it and said that the case had spiralled and become something international but that it wasnt a matter of national security or anything, just protecting assets but I had no idea what that meant. It made me a little uneasy. Like, he said that you should never trust anyone who hasnt had a comprehensive background check done on them and even then, maybe you shouldnt trust them because things get forged or missed all the time. And apparently, sometimes people dont even know that theyre spies. Or, like, they dont know the extent to what theyre doing and they think its just something innocent but actually, its not. Thats what happened in Rodgers assignment. He said that one of the guys working there thought that he was selling client information, that there wasnt anything more to it than that, but it was bad. He didnt really go into more detail than that and shrugged it off when we asked him but I had no clue what could have happened. Selling client information seemed pretty bad though. Like, surely that was their addresses and bank details and stuff? That shouldnt be sold. The mac and cheese, Jackie said as she placed the giant plate in front of me, jolting me out of my fantasy. And the fish and chips. Is there anything else I can get you guys? Any sauces? Just some vinegar, my mom said. Of course, Ill grab that for you now. I watched as Jackie walked away, my mind still stuck on everything that Rodgers had told us. He was still talking. The class was almost over but he was still answering questions. That cannot be one serving, my mom said, staring at my plate. I looked down at it slowly. It was big. There was a lot of pasta, covered by a deliciously crisp golden brown crumb. The smell alone was enough to make my mouth water and I couldnt wait to eat it. Ignoring my mom, I grabbed my fork and speared some of the pasta through the crumb, bringing it to my mouth. It was steaming heavily and burnt my tongue as I ate it but I didnt care, it was too delicious. The sauce was perfectly creamy yet sharp from the cheese and there was a slight bite to it. I examined my food as I chewed. There were specks of red in the topping. Chilli flakes. There you go, Jackie said as she slid the bottle of vinegar onto the table. Is there anything else that I can get you two? No, thank you, I said, as I swallowed my mouthful and speared even more pasta onto my fork. Great! Enjoy your meal! I smiled at her before continuing to eat. I could half hear Rodgers talking in the other world but I didnt really want to return. The food was just too good and I didnt want to miss out on it like I had with the halloumi. My mom started eating too, watching me with a slight sneer on her face. Youre going to get indigestion if you keep eating like that. Honestly, it looks like you havent eaten in days! she told me with a heavy sigh. I ignored her, letting silence settle around us. Unfortunately, that meant that I was left alone with my thoughts. Normally, I didnt enjoy that. My mind spiralled too quickly, too easily. It jumped about, went to depressing places and stayed there, wallowing. But not during that meal. The thing that Rodgers had said about there being spies everywhere stayed with me and I found myself eyeing the other people in the restaurant carefully. We were in a small town in Scotland, not far from the border. There was nothing interesting around, as far as I was aware, which made me assume that there would be no need to have any spies there but Rodgers had said that it was good to have spies in inconspicuous places. Apparently, some agents are assigned to a place, to a town or village, to keep an eye on a problem or a potential counteragent. That happens a lot, he said. Like, apparently the most boring and ordinary people make the best spies. The ones who you dont really pay attention to because then they can get away with more. Maybe that did mean that there could be spies there. It would make sense, kind of. I mean, there were a few big cities not too far away as well. They could be stationed here to keep an eye on something in those. Removed enough to not be suspicious but still ready to act if needed. My eyebrows started to draw together. I wasnt sure where the thought came from but it made me suddenly think of my dad. He fit the description, even though that realisation made me feel a little bad. He could be a spy. I mean, it would explain why he was with my mom. She was a good cover and I doubted that shed ever look into it too much. I mean, she was too self-absorbed, she wouldnt notice anything suspicious that he was doing. And, his job kind of matched the description too. I didnt even know what he did. He worked in an office, doing something in HR, maybe? I felt bad when I realised that I didnt actually know. He didnt talk about his job ever, I just knew the name of the company that he worked for. My hand twitched around my fork as I fought the urge to reach out for my phone and google it. Would his job title be on the website? Probably. I mean, it would make sense for it to be there. But then, even if he had a really basic job title, would that answer my question? Probably not. I mean, if he was a spy, which I knew he wasnt, they would have gone to the effort of doing that, surely. No, I was just overthinking it. I was searching for anything, something that would make me feel better about him and how miserable it must be to be married to my mom. They werent happy together, that much was obvious. She didnt love him and he couldnt love her. At least, if he was a spy, hed probably have some source of happiness or fulfilment. Or maybe the marriage would have an end at some point. It would be easier because hed know he wouldnt have to be with her forever. He didnt have to be though. He could divorce her. I knew people with divorced parents. Phoebes mom was divorced. I didnt know much about her birth father but she said he was kind of awful. Her stepdad is great though. So maybe if my dad divorced my mom, hed be happier. He could find someone like her stepdad whos nice and who actually loves them both. Guilt washed through me and I looked at my mom again. I felt horrible for thinking about my parents like that. I was almost wishing that they got a divorce and that felt so wrong but I just knew that theyd both be happier if they did that. She wouldnt have him to complain about all of the time and he could go and find someone better suited to him. But then what would happen to her? She always needed something to complain about, she always found something. Dad was her go-to topic but if they were divorced, surely she wouldnt be able to do that anymore. Then what? And how would she live? She doesnt work and I was pretty sure that Dad paid for everything. What would happen to her if they broke up? My stomach churned. I felt so bad for even thinking about it, as if Id somehow tempted fate by doing so. Part of me longed for it to happen because I knew how much better and happier my dad and I would be but, on the other hand, I knew it was selfish. Mom needed it, she needed us. Hows your food? I asked her, trying to keep the guilt from my face. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. I wasnt sure if it worked though because my mom eyed me suspiciously. Fine, she said. There was a pause and I didnt know what to say. She wasnt doing anything to keep the conversation going but then I wasnt helping either. Guilt kept me in that world though. I wanted to leave but I also felt like I needed to make up for what I had thought somehow. She wouldnt know about it, she couldnt read my mind, but I still felt bad. I shouldnt have thoughts like that, not about my mom. I looked down, spearing another forkful of pasta and bringing it to my mouth. I wanted to stay in reality, I did, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. Luckily, the gentle pealing of a bell sounded in the other world, pulling me back it. Oh, Rodgers said, looking up at the clock on the wall. That went quicker than I expected! Alright, you lot should probably be off. What do you have next? He looked around at us, expecting someone to shout out the answer. I wanted to be the one to do it but I couldnt remember. My hand was halfway to my pocket, reaching for the folded timetable Id shoved in there earlier. Fitness, Abbie said from beside me. Rodgers face broke out into a grin. Oh man, he sighed. Im jealous. Does everyone have that next? The room was filled with rustling as people reached into pockets to find their timetables. I grabbed mine and read it quickly. I have self-defence, someone said. Me too! What do you have? Katie whispered, leaning towards me so that she could see my timetable. Oh, okay, good. I have fitness now too. I smiled at her but Rodgers continued talking before I could reply. Self-defence is fun too! he said enthusiastically. Oh, damn. I was meant to run through all the standard lessons today Panic started to rise in me and I glanced across at Abbie who looked worried too before looking at Katie. She simply lifted one shoulder in a shrug. There wasnt much point in being concerned about it, not really. I mean, it wouldnt help or change anything. The realisation didnt really make me feel any better, however. I tried to force myself to relax, to remind myself that Rodgers was the teacher, kind of. It was up to him to teach us stuff. Okay, I can run through everything really quick now and then you can run to your next classes or you can read about it all in your folders at lunch. Which would you prefer? he asked, looking around at us. I longed to speak, to ask him to tell us now rather than make us wait, but the idea of potentially being late for our next class worried me. I didnt like being late to any class but it felt different at the Academy. I actually wanted to be there and wanted to learn. I wasnt just going because I didnt want to be at home or to get into trouble. Tell us now? someone requested hesitantly from the back of the classroom. Rodgers paused, cocking his head. Oh wait, theres a better solution. God, Im such a dumbass, why didnt I think of it before? he asked himself before pushing away from the desk and wobbling slightly. The self-defence and fitness classrooms are close enough together. Ill walk you all there and run through it as we go. How does that sound? He looked around but no one answered him and after a brief moment of silence, he shrugged. I watched as he began limping towards the door before realising what he had said and that we were meant to follow him. Abbie jumped up a moment before I did, Katie following a millisecond later and we rushed out of the door towards him. Oh, good. I thought I was going to be walking by myself, he said with a grin as he looked back at us. For a moment, I couldnt speak. I wasnt sure why but my mouth felt like it wasnt connected to my brain. He was so attractive, so cool looking, and he was looking right at me. He was talking to me. It was because he was our teacher, nothing more than that and I knew it, but I still couldnt make myself reply. I felt almost starstruck. It was a miracle that I didnt trip over but luckily we were walking slowly because of Rodgers. Sorry, Abbie said quickly. Not a worry, Rodgers reassured her. I know I kind of sprung that on you all. He looked away from her, glancing back down the corridor. The rest of the class had caught up with us and were watching Rodgers expectantly. He didnt speak just yet though. Instead, he was looking around the corridor with a wistful smile on his face. All done? I heard Jackie ask in real life and I felt my lips move as I replied but the sound didnt touch my ears. Briefly, confusion washed over me. It felt like no time had passed but it must have if I was finished eating. Okay, where to start? Rodgers muttered, causing people to edge closer towards him so that they could hear him. I mean, most of your classes are fairly self-explanatory. I mean, you have self-defence and fitness, of course, firearms, general weaponry, botany, basic first aid, tech, and usual lessons. You know, maths, English, sciences, geography, languages, psychology, forensics and that kind of thing. Um, Abbie started hesitantly. Why do we have botany? I mean, I dont get why thats useful for us. Rodgers grinned at her. Oh, just wait. Its so useful and you lot have Charlie teaching so its going to be awesome. Hell teach you all about how to use plants for things like medicine and poisons and honestly, thats always useful, Rodgers told us. I mean, I cant even count the number of times Ive used the sh knowledge I picked up from Charlie. In missions and during wilderness weekends! Sometimes you cant have weapons so its always good to know how to protect yourself with what you have around you because its pretty rare that you wont have access to any plants! Wait, whats wilderness weekend? Katie asked. A mischievous look came over Rodgers face but he hid it quickly. Its the best opportunity to get house points. Every few months, the Academy hosts an event for all of the active students. Heartbreakingly, Ive aged out now but as an interim teacher, I still get to participate. Even if it is behind the scenes, he said with an exaggerated pout. Its generally in a different place each time but there are some repeats. Basically, you all get dropped into a location in teams and you have to neutralise the other teams and whoever wins gets the most house points. Of course, if you come across a team from your house, youre meant to take them out too but youll see how that goes. He laughed but no one else joined in. I wanted to but the way he said neutralise scared me. It sounded eerily close to kill. But then surely, they wouldnt expect us to kill people here, would they? Not other kids, right? What do you mean neutralise? someone behind me asked, clearly worrying the same thing that I was. Rodgers laughed again. Oh, its nothing scary! You just need to incapacitate them in some way but youre not meant to do anything fatal or permanent, he told us, clearly meaning for his words to be reassuring. Thats what happened to my leg the first time, actually! We had a weekend in Maine and there were some old traps around that another team utilised to their advantage. I was pissed at the time but I mean, it was a smart idea. He shook his head and stopped outside a classroom suddenly, reaching out to knock on the door. I stopped too, feeling someone walk into me and mutter an apology. Rodgers hadnt started walking again, he was just looking at the door and waiting for it to open. After a moment, it did. A tall man opened the door, his expression glowering. I was immediately intimidated by him. He was dressed all in black but his muscles could be seen clearly through the fabric, even though he was probably as old as my dad. I could already tell that he was powerful and that scared me. Rodgers? he said, his face breaking into a huge smile that seemed at odds with his appearance. Someone told me you were on Induction duty, I didnt quite believe it! Rodgers laughed as the man hugged him, returning the embrace. I know, he said. I couldnt believe the order either but you know what shes like. You cant exactly say no thank you, Ill stay in the field actually. The other teacher pulled back, an incredulous but entertained look on his face. Oh my God, he chuckled. You tried it, didnt you? Rodgers winced and lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. I mean in my defence, I thought it was worth a try? The other man exploded into laughter, clutching the door frame to stay upright as he howled. You actually did! he cried through his laughter. Rodgers shot him an unamused look but his lips were twitchy. Alright, shut up, Rodgers said before looking back at us. Those of you who have self-defence, get in there and start warming up. He stepped back so that people could start filtering into the room. I stood back, waiting awkwardly and watching the older teacher as he wiped his eyes, still grinning wildly. Oh, that has made my day, he said with a chuckle causing Rodgers to glare at him. You still struggling with your shoulder? Rodgers asked, the question coming out of nowhere. The teachers eyes narrowed. It comes and goes, he said suspiciously. Great, Rodgers said with a grin. Left side? Why? Oh, no reason, Rodgers replied in an overly innocent tone that was ruined by his wicked smirk. Is it bad at the moment? The teacher cocked his head. I dont think I want to answer that, he said. Rodgers smile only grew. Kids! he called to the half of the class who had walked into the large mirror-lined room. Make sure you aim for Nicks left shoulder. It pops out easy and I have fifty bucks for anyone who manages it today. The other teacher laughed and punched Rodgers lightly on the arm. You have not changed since you were a newbie here, the teacher told him. Thats a lie and you know it, Rodgers snorted. Alright, fair, the other teacher allowed. Youve changed in the worst way possible. His smile told me that was a compliment but the bell rang again, the sound more demanding that time. Ah, I need to get this lot to class, Rodgers said, gesturing to us with his thumb. You going to be in the lounge later? Yeah, Ill see you there, the man said before smiling at him and disappearing into the room. The door swung shut behind him and Rodgers started limping down the corridor again. You know, if I knew Nick was going to be here, I would have been less annoyed about being assigned here, he told us. That man is built like a truck and genuinely quite terrifying but hes a big teddy bear really! I wanted to believe him but I couldnt quite manage it. He was too big, too scary. I dont think the others trusted Rodgers reassurance either because no one spoke until we stopped at the next set of doors and I realised that I knew where we were. Wed seen the room yesterday, it was the gym. A slight smile came over my face. I was going to get to use the equipment, play around with it all. I couldnt wait. Alright, this is yours. In you go, I assume Jennas late but shell be here soon. Dont do anything dumb until she gets here! 2.28 Would you say you have a vivid imagination? The lumpy mattress dug into my back but I couldnt bring myself to move. I hurt. My whole body ached and every breath made me wince slightly. I wasnt really sure why but I assumed it was probably my posture at dinner. Mom told me off for that fairly often. Apparently, I lean over too much and round my shoulders. Mom always shakes her head at me and sighs when she notices it. Itll cause a back hump, according to her but Im not sure if I believe her. It doesnt really matter though. She still warned me, no matter how I reacted. At this rate, in her eyes, no one will want to marry me and Ill be destined for a life of bell ringing at some French cathedral which I still dont think sounds that bad. Mom always made it sound like it would be but I wasnt so sure. It sounded peaceful, kind of. Plus, Phoebe seemed to be having a good time in Paris now. Shed texted me about it when we were at dinner. I lifted my phone, ignoring the screaming of my arm muscles as I did so. My eyes scanned the message again as my hand shook slightly. Phoebe had hidden in the bathroom to text me. Her message was full of typos, which made sense based on what it said. Her cousins had let her order wine with dinner to celebrate the fact that she was able to order food for herself and ask for the dish without Im not sure what the last word was meant to say. Normally, I could work out what Phoebe was trying to write but, this time, I truly didnt know. There was no word in the English dictionary that had that many vowels in, I was certain. I had asked her what she meant but I think she must have missed that text because instead, she had just told me that she didnt actually like the taste of wine normally but that it was different in Paris. Or, at least, after the third glass it wasnt that bad. I let my hand fall to my side again, my body relieved to no longer be straining, as I fought the urge to return to my fantasy. We had finished the fitness testing, thankfully. The two hours that wed spent in the gym sprinting, lifting ridiculously heavy things until my arms shook and then having to try to climb the climbing wall had drained me. I wasnt sure why they made us do the wall last but it was so hard. It was just a small one, not one of the cool ones Katie, Abbie and I had stumbled across but it felt near impossible. I managed to make it further than I expected but my fingers were too tired and I slipped, falling heavily to the barely padded ground. The tutor, Jenna, had watched me fall, waiting to see if I was going to stand again before congratulating me. It sounds silly but Id felt so proud of myself. Not many people managed to make it that far and only Seth made it all the way to the top of the wall, even though he was shaking with exertion after. Hed looked directly at me after he reached the ground again, as if he wanted to make sure that I had seen, which made my stomach flutter. I knew what he was doing. He wanted me to see him succeed, to be impressed by him, and I wasnt sure how to feel about that. I liked it but Seth had also noticed the badge I had pinned to my chest and then pretty much forgotten about. Hed pointed it out and then gestured to his own matching badge with a smile, telling me that we were in the same house. Katie had extremely unsubtly nudged me in the back at that, clearly noticing the flirting note in Seths voice. I tried to respond, to flirt back but I had no clue what I was doing. I didnt flirt, I dont. I had no real experience with flirting in that world or my real one. There was a small voice in the back of my head that was coaching me, telling me to smile and cock my head, to meet his gaze and let it linger. I didnt quite have the confidence to do that but I tried. My phone buzzed and I started to lift it, my arms straining from the effort. Just a small, sharp scratch, a reassuring voice warned me before pain burned in the crook of my arm. Dizziness hit me and I blinked as I looked around the bright room. The light stung my eyes and I almost recoiled away from it as nausea rocked me but luckily, I was sitting in a high-backed chair. My arm was being held down by the doctor who was smiling at me reassuringly as he plunged the needle into my arms, searching for my vein. I sucked in a deep breath, aware of the sweat that was beading on my forehead as the urge to vomit built within me. Thats alright, the doctor continued in the same soothing tone. Lean your head back and look away. Take a deep breath. In and out. In and out. I did as he said, white spots exploding in my vision. For a moment, I was genuinely concerned that I was going to be sick on the doctor and ruin his white coat. Were they easy to clean? I wasnt sure but I didnt want to find out. Slowly, the room stopped spinning and come into focus. My jaw unclenched as the nausea slowly retreated. Sorry, I told him, my head dropped back against the headrest and my gaze fixed on the ceiling. Thats alright, he replied immediately. Some people struggle with blood tests. Have you had many before? Id seen my records on his computer screen when Id first walked in for my appointment so I knew that he already knew the answer but I still wanted to answer him. No. Not really. The man nodded as he attached another vial to the needle in my arm. That makes sense. People in the general population dont get blood tests anywhere near as much as they should. Did you know that an estimated twenty-five percent of the population has iron deficiency? And the rate is even higher for people who menstruate and vegetarians, he told me. You really should be getting blood tests frequently. Even though his tone was gentle and informative, it felt like I was being told off and I had to fight the urge to apologise to him. Why is it higher for vegetarians? I asked instead. I wanted him to keep talking. Having something to focus on made it easier to ignore the lingering queasiness that still pulled at me. I was interested too. Id never really heard the reasoning as to why it was something that needed to be monitored but I remembered a few people warning me about it when I first stopped eating meat. My dad had mentioned it once but I didnt remember anything more than that. Doctor Adda glanced up at my face before speaking, as if trying to determine how much detail I wanted. There are two types of iron found in food: heme iron and non-heme iron. Heme iron is only found in meat, in things such as red meat, liver or certain types of shellfish, whereas non-heme iron is found in both animal products and vegetables. Youll find it in things like beans and leafy greens like kale or spinach, he told me before looking at me again. Do you eat foods like that often? I winced. The answer was no. I knew that my diet wasnt particularly good. I had vegetables semi-regularly and fruit whenever we had it but it probably wasnt enough. I definitely was not eating five servings a day. No, not really, I told him, almost expecting him to tell me off. And you dont eat fish, do you? No. He nodded, removing the now full vial and slipping another plastic tube into its place to continue drawing my blood. Almost done, just a couple more to go. Ill make a note in the system that you may need to be monitored for nutritional deficiencies a little bit more often than others, he told me with a smile. The issue is, if youre a vegetarian, you wont be getting heme iron which is absorbed a lot more easily and if youre not eating foods rich in non-heme iron, it could be a problem but your diet should be pretty good here. That makes sense, I said. It did and it made me a little concerned about my health in real life. All of my answers were true for that too so I knew I should probably consider speaking to a doctor or something about it. Okay, there we go, Doctor Adda said, removing the final vial and pulling the needle out of my arm. Here, press down on this nice and hard whilst I finish labelling your samples. I did as he instructed, pressing down on the cotton ball, but my mind was still spiralling. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! What what are the symptoms of not having enough iron? I asked. He glanced up at me over his glasses. The main ones are fatigue and lack of energy, shortness of breath, palpitation and paleness but you might also experience frequent headaches, dizziness, low mood, hearing a whooshing noise in your ears, chest pain and difficulty concentrating. Do you experience any of those symptoms? No, I said but it sounded like a lie. In truth, I wasnt sure. I had some of them. Like, I was tired and drained a lot and pale, obviously. Then, I also had low mood and headaches but they seemed like just things that happened sometimes, not actual symptoms. Doctor Adda examined me for a few seconds longer before nodding. Dont worry, were doing a full blood count amongst some other tests to make sure that everything is alright, he told me with a smile. I nodded distractedly but he had already looked away. I watched him, having nothing else to do, as he stuck stickers onto the vials of my blood before sealing them in a plastic bag. It was awkward. I wasnt really sure what to do or say as he worked, humming to himself softly. There was nothing for me to do, not really, but I felt like I should offer to help him. But then, I didnt know what I was doing and I didnt really want to handle the tubes of my own blood. Not that I was squeamish, it just felt weird to me. Okay, thats all sorted, he said, finally looking up at me. Theyll get sent off to the lab and Ill get you booked in for another appointment once we get the results back. There was a dismissive tone to his voice but his expression was unchanged. He continued to smile at me pleasantly. I glanced at the clock behind him. According to my timetable, I still had almost fifty minutes left of the appointment. Great, I replied before hesitating. Um should I go? Oh, goodness, no! he said with a slight chuckle. We actually have a lot more to discuss! I just like to get the blood tests and questions about your physical health done and out of the way first. Oh that makes sense. It does! Its generally the bit that people are the most nervous about, Ive found, he told me as he rolled away from me towards the computer. So, do you have any concerns about your physical health? Um, no. I dont think so, I replied. Great! Youre fairly fit and healthy? No aches or pains, nothing youd like to talk about? My chest twinged again but I ignored it. No, I dont think so. Fantastic! And how is your digestion? Do you experience much bloating or constipation? I felt my face flush at his question. No, I said quickly. Great! How is your menstrual cycle? He looked away from the computer screen, meeting my gaze as my cheeks coloured even more. I wasnt sure why it embarrassed me so much but I didnt want to talk about it. Its fine. Its fairly regular? You dont experience any heavy bleeding, cramping or spotting? he asked. Yeah, I said before realising that I hadnt answered his question properly. I mean no. Its all fine. He continued looking at me and I had to look away. I know I offered at the beginning of the appointment but if youd like to speak to a female doctor, I can set that up, he offered. I shook my head, still not meeting his gaze. No, its okay, I said, just wanting the questions to be done. Okay, if you change your mind, you can ask any of the tutors to organise it for you, he told me. I nodded. I wasnt sure if I would be more comfortable speaking to a female doctor, both would be awkward and uncomfortable for me. Not that it mattered, I didnt have anything to say to them. Fantastic, he said with a smile. And how would you say your mental health is? What? I asked. The question came from nowhere and I didnt expect it. No one had really asked me about my mental health before and never in such a straightforwards way. I just didnt know how to answer the question. I didnt want to say something wrong, just in case it was enough to get me kicked out of the Academy. It wouldnt be, I knew that logically, but I was still scared. Your mental health, Doctor Adda repeated gently. Do you experience low mood or anxiety? I swallowed nervously. The answer was yes to both of those but I couldnt say it. My throat was dry, as was my mouth. I tried to speak, unsure of what I was even going to say, but no words came out. My hands felt like they were trembling, shaking, and I tried to say something again but fear blocked the words. I gave up, looking away from the doctor and nodding. Thats alright. Theyre both very common, he said in a soft tone that made me need to blink hard to stop tears from forming in my eyes. You know, I used to struggle with depression. That made me look at him again. I almost couldnt believe it. Realistically, I knew that lots of people struggled with it but no one I knew, apart from Katie, had ever actually admitted it. However, there was something else that my mind was stuck on. Used to? I asked. He nodded. I no longer experience depression, he confirmed. I still get sad, dont get me wrong. Sadness is a completely normal human emotion that everyone feels sometimes but its not quite so all-consuming. His words caused something to blossom within me. I knew that it was stupid though. I knew nothing about him, nothing about his experience or what he had been through, but his words gave me hope. Maybe one day, I could feel differently. Maybe I would be able to talk about being sad so casually, as if it was something that I felt occasionally, not my constant state of being. Do you want to talk about it? he asked softly. I still couldnt speak though. The most I could do was shake my head. Thats okay. For now, why dont we keep an eye on it and see how youre doing when youve been here a little bit longer? Sometimes, it can be caused by the environment youre in so being removed from it and put into a completely different one can be quite helpful. Of course, it doesnt always fix everything and if you are still struggling, we can talk about it when you feel ready to. How does that sound? I clenched my hands into fists, hoping that it would make me feel stronger and more in control. I felt vulnerable, exposed, and I didnt like it. Maybe it would be nice to talk about it one day but, for now, all I felt was fear. Okay, I said, the words barely above a whisper. Great, he replied in a tone that was almost too reassuring. We have some more questions that we need to run through today. Do you want to continue or do you need a break? I swallowed again. Ideally, I would have a break. It would give me a chance to stop feeling so shaky and uncertain but I didnt want to admit that. What if he wrote that down? Would they see me as weak? Unsuitable to be a spy? I wasnt willing to let that happen. Im ready to continue, I said, the words coming out a little less strong than I wanted them to. It was definitely an improvement though. Okay, fantastic! Were going to run through some questions and I need you to give quick answers, just the first thing that comes to the top of your head. Some of the questions might seem a little bit random or unexpected but you can ask questions at any time if you want me to clarify or rephrase something and if you need a break, just say. How does that sound? he checked. Um, yeah. It sounds good? He smiled at me before clicking something on his screen. Great. How do you find social situations? I couldnt say the first thing that came to my mind, I knew it was the wrong answer. Oh Alright, I guess? Doctor Adda clicked something on his screen but didnt look up. I longed to move my chair so that I could see whatever he had selected. Had he seen through me? Did he know that I was lying? Okay, and do you find it easy to make friends? I opened my mouth to speak before hesitating. It hadnt been that hard in this world, not like in reality. I pretty much had friends already, Katie and Abbie. And maybe Seth but I wasnt sure about him. I didnt really want him to just be a friend, I kind of wanted more. Yeah. Its not too bad, I replied. Great! And, in school, how did you find group work? So, if you had a project to do or something like that, were you able to communicate with everyone in the group without any problems? I fought to keep the grimace off of my face. I hated group work more than anything. It wasnt so bad if I was in a group with Phoebe or Duncan but if it was people I didnt really know or like, it was harder. In those situations, I barely spoke and tried to fade into the background and do whatever was asked of me without bringing much attention to myself. Sometimes, if it was a subject I really liked, it was easy. I could take charge, tell others what to do. I liked that. It made me feel in control and that was better. I couldnt always do that though. I didnt have it in me to do it all the time. But I couldnt just say that. I was training to be a spy, thats why I had been brought to the Academy. I wasnt sure but I assumed a spy needed to be able to work well with others. It depends, I said carefully. Oh, yeah? the doctor replied. Somehow, I hadnt expected him to ask any kind of follow-up question. Yeah I mean, it depends on the group. That felt like a safe answer. That makes sense! he said, making relief wash through me. How do you find small talk? Its alright? I replied after a pause. It wasnt too bad, not really. I just didnt really feel the need to do it. I mean, I did. When I was around people, I felt like I had to talk sometimes. I couldnt exactly just sit there in silence but it would be so much better if people just got to the point and said what they needed to say. Phoebe did that a lot and I liked it. It made it easier, we could just talk without it being awkward or boring. Okay, and do you have go-to phrases or questions that you ask when you are in situations where youre expected to make small talk? I didnt but it was a great idea. I always felt a little bit more comfortable in situations where I knew what was going to happen or what I was going to say. If I had some phrases, like he suggested, I could just rely on those. No, I told him, my mind already searching for options. And how do you find eye contact? he asked. I glanced at him again, realising that I had looked away whilst thinking. He was staring at me, his eyes boring into mine. I hadnt been thinking about it before but, now that he had mentioned it, I was uncomfortable. I couldnt look away though and I wasnt sure why. It just felt wrong, like Id get into trouble. Normal people didnt struggle with things like that, I knew it. Its fine, I said, still staring at him. Great! he replied, finally looking away. And would you say you have a vivid imagination? I fought to keep the shock from my face. Um what do you mean? Are you able to imagine things in great detail or do you daydream a lot? he asked. Yes, I said, the answer slipping out before I could stop it. It felt dangerous. I wasnt sure what exactly the risk was but I felt like we were circling towards talking about my dreams, about the other worlds, and I didnt want to do that. Okay, he said with a nod, typing something on the computer. And when you are imagining things or daydreaming, is it highly detailed or very real feeling? I looked around the room, my eyes roaming over the many certificates on the walls, the pictures and portraits. The realistic-looking medical equipment and computer before landing on the doctor again. Yes. 2.29 It wasnt cowardly to run. Obviously, the tutor, Hannah, said from the front of the classroom as she paced back and forth slowly, guns are generally illegal in this country which is why you will also be having training on some other, less effective but also legal, weapons. I looked around the room quickly. I wont sure how much time had passed but Id definitely fallen asleep in the real world. After the appointment with the doctor where he asked me questions that felt pointed, I didnt want to stay there. I didnt want to miss the firearms training though and it seemed like I hadnt which I was glad about. Guns still scared me, obviously. I couldnt forget how it had felt in my hands. The weight of it, the jolting recoil I still felt it. The thud too. I was pretty sure Id heard someone hit the ground after Id fired when I was with Mitch. Had I killed someone? There was no way of knowing for certain, I knew that, but that made it worse. For some missions, you will be required to carry them, despite the laws, Hannah continued, drawing my attention again. Its easier when its international missions where theyre legal but for local ones, we do have procedures to make sure that youre protected and released swiftly, if necessary. That caught my attention. I hadnt really considered the realities of it before but it made sense that, if we were caught in the UK with an illegal weapon, we would get into trouble. The use of the word released was what my brain got stuck on though. It indicated that we could be caught. Arrested. I''d never been arrested before, I''d never even come close. I didn''t know how I react to that, how I would react to police officers. The mere thought of it scared me which didnt bode well. What would happen? And what were we meant to tell them? We couldnt exactly explain that we were spies, theyd never believe us. Plus, it felt too risky. We couldnt go around telling random people that the government recruited and trained a bunch of underage officers, that was far too dangerous. They might tell others, the secret would get out. But, that will be covered later or in your other lessons. And, unfortunately, the type of ammunition that you are allowed to use is restricted whilst you are in the induction period, Hannah said with a heavy sigh. You will not be able to handle live rounds for a few weeks, minimum, and even then we need to start you on low impact which seems ridiculous to me. Yes? She nodded at someone behind me and I turned to look as another girl, Nora, started to speak. Why? Why do I find it ridiculous? Hannah clarified, continuing before Nora had a chance to confirm that she meant that. Because you need to get used to being around live ammo. The rubber rounds well be using for now can still kill a person but its unlikely and therefore pointless. Sure, you might need to use them on an assignment at some point but its unlikely which means it is unnecessary to spend weeks working with them. She spoke so passionately that I found myself almost wanting to agree with her immediately but I stopped myself. I shouldnt want to use guns or real bullets. They were too dangerous, too scary. Despite her warning that rubber rounds could still kill, I was grateful that wed have a more gentle introduction to guns. Maybe it would allow me to move on and stop flinching every time I remembered what it felt like to fire a gun. But, unfortunately, we must follow the rules here, even if we dont like them, she said with a smile. Now, have any of you held a gun before? Hands up. I started to raise my hand automatically before freezing. It was a stupid mistake and I hurried to scratch my face, pretending that I had lifted my hand for that reason alone, as I silently berated myself. Holding a gun in a fantasy was not the same as holding a gun in real life. But then, I wasnt in real life in the spy school either so maybe it did count. No, it didnt because what would happen if they were to ask when I had held a gun? What if they questioned me about it because guns were illegal, as Hannah had pointed out moments before? Surely, they would want to know who had a gun and to do something about that. I couldnt exactly tell them that I journeyed to another world in a daydream and hunted down the remains of the lost library of Alexandria before fleeing with some treasure and maybe shooting someone on the way out. That sounded so ridiculous. I could feel my face colouring even as I thought it. The concept of telling someone that, of sharing that with anyone, made me want to crawl into a hole in the ground and cry from the embarrassment and shame. Theyd kick me out if I told them. I mean, the doctor had asked me about my daydreams and imagination before but that was for a reason, surely. If they thought that I couldnt tell the difference between what was real and what was my imagination Im not sure that I would just get kicked out of the academy. That wouldnt be enough, surely. Maybe theyd send me away to somewhere else. Somewhere with more doctors and specialists who would talk to me about my fantasies and daydreams and probably see just how messed up I was. Then what? I wasnt really sure. I mean I wasnt, like, seeing things or hallucinating. I knew what I was doing was fake, a fantasy, nothing more. I just didnt want to stop. I wanted them to be real, it was wishful thinking more than anything else. Ah, that makes sense, Hannah said, looking at someone else now. I didnt expect anyone else to raise their hand but I thought Id ask anyway. She smiled kindly at someone and it took me a moment to process her words. She made it sound like someone had put their hand up. Someone in the class had held a gun before. I looked around quickly, my eyes finding Seth immediately. His hand was still moving. Lowering. Hed had his hand up which meant that he had held a gun. People were looking at him worriedly but he didnt seem to notice. His gaze was pointedly fixed on Hannah, ignoring the concerned looks that he was getting. There was something about his expression that made me feel bad though. It was too careful, too controlled. He was fighting to keep his face neutral, to not show how he really felt. It didnt work though. The boy sitting next to him shuffled away slightly and a wince crossed his face. Some people were still staring at him and I knew that I was too. I felt bad. I should have looked away because I was adding to the judgement, to the pressure, but I couldnt. I wanted to know more. Him having used a gun didnt scare me as much as it should have. It might not have been for a bad reason. He could have been in the same situation that I was in when I had shot someone. It was probably self-defence, a life or death situation where he had no other choice. I mean, thats what happened to me so I couldnt exactly judge him for doing the same. Plus, surely, if he had used a gun and killed someone, they would know. Hannah sounded like she already knew so it was unlikely that hed used a gun to kill someone, it must have been self-defence. The academy wouldnt have recruited someone who was dangerous, not like that. But then spies were dangerous. That was kind of the point. We were meant to be dangerous, to be able to kill people like that so maybe it wouldnt have stopped them from recruiting Seth. Maybe it would have made them want him to join more. No. I couldnt believe that. Id barely spoken to Seth but he seemed so sweet, so kind. He wasnt a killer, I was almost sure of it. Hannah continued talking and most of the class looked back at her but I couldnt. My gaze was still fixed on Seth. After a few seconds, his eyes darted towards me. His expression was timid, almost scared. I think he expected me to look away or to be scared of him but I couldnt bring myself to do so. Instead, I forced my lips to lift in a slight but supportive smile. No volunteers? Hannah said, her voice barely breaking through to me. Well, I expected that much. You lot are brave but not stupid. Ill just have to choose one then. Okay Grace. To the front of the class, please. My head whipped around so fast that my neck clicked and I stared at Hannah with wide eyes. Id not paid attention to anything that she had been saying for the last few minutes so I had no clue what she had chosen me to do. My heart was pounding with fear. I wasnt used to that, I didnt ignore my teachers that much in real life so I didnt know what to do. What? I heard myself ask, the word sounding unsteady. Come up here, she said with a smile. Youre my volunteer for this part. I tried to work out what I had been selected for but I couldnt. There was nothing on the board behind her, her hands were empty and the class were watching me fearfully. They looked relieved too though and that scared me. Why were they relieved? I couldnt fight it. My body started to follow her orders, even though I didnt want it to. Soon, too soon, I was standing at the front of the class, facing her. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. Great. So, as I was saying, part of the training is learning how to act around guns and normalising it because, at some point when youre on assignment, someone will pull a gun on you. Its also fairly likely that you will get shot at some point, she told the class. I felt ice start to grip my heart. Was she going to shoot me? Was that what I had inadvertently volunteered for? My hands started to go numb and I couldnt do anything other than stare at her. But then, surely, she wouldnt shoot me. They couldnt get away with just shooting people, could they? I know, it sounds very scary and it is at first but thats also something we need to work on. One of the things we teach you to do here is to not be scared of gunfire because, if you are, when someone pulls a gun, youll panic. You need to get to the stage where you know how to react, how to disarm a person, how not to flinch too much when someone starts shooting and how to deal with a bullet wound. But, of course, that last one will be covered in your first aid class, she told us with a smile. My mind was racing as it tried to keep up with what she was saying whilst also trying to predict what she was going to do to me. She didnt appear to have a gun on her, as far as I could tell, so she couldnt shoot me, it had to be something else that she wanted from me. But then, what if there were guns stashed somewhere in the classroom? I looked around the room, trying to spot where they could be and my eyes fell on the teacher''s desk. My heart felt like it stuttered. It would make sense for the guns to be in there but I couldnt see the drawers from where I was standing. Theyd have to be locked, wouldnt they? They wouldnt just leave a gun out for anyone to use, that felt like a recipe for disaster. What could I do? I tried to plan something, anything. I could leave the world, escape before I found out whatever Hannah had planned. That was the safest option by far. I could leave this world and never look back. Never find out if I was about to be shot or how to use a gun or whatever else we were going to learn in the academy. That was fine. I could live my life without knowing that. But then part of me did want to know. Part of me wanted to train and learn and become a spy. It sounded so fun, so cool, even if I was terrified and shaking as I stood at the front of the classroom. I had to deal with the fear for now, ignore it. there was no other way. Leaving felt too weak, too easy. It was an option and I knew that but if I did it, I wasnt sure that I would ever return. It would feel like I was running away from things again, just like I had with Mitch. I had gotten too scared there and ran away so that I wouldnt have to find out what happened. If I did that again it could become a pattern. I could spend my life finding things that excited me, things that I wanted to do, before running away at the first sign of something scary. It was weak, cowardly. I didnt want to be like that, I couldnt. I why even live like that? Id never actually do anything that I wanted to do, never actually achieve anything. Id spiral, running away sooner and sooner each time until I was nothing and did nothing with my life. Id cower away in my bedroom, stuck at home forever. I could almost see it now. It would be a miserable life. Yes, my dad would probably love it. He worried about me and liked to know that I was safe and as happy as possible, I knew that, but it meant that Id need to put up with my mom forever. Id spend every day for the rest of my life in the same house as her. That thought chilled me but not as much as my next one. What if that was exactly what happened to her? What if she fell into a pattern of fear and running away whenever things got too scary? It would make sense. I mean, she told incredulous stories about herself, of her being offered the world. According to the tales, shed almost married foreign princes, been offered jobs running huge companies, but she turned them all down. Why? For my dad? No, that wasnt it. She didnt care about him like that, she wouldnt have turned anything down for him, I knew that. It must have been something else and it would make sense if it was because she was scared. Because she didnt want to push herself that far. I mean, the stories could have all been an exaggeration anyway. I would have believed that too but there was probably a small kernel of truth to them. That realisation steeled me. I would not be like my mom. I would not run away from this. Lifting my chin higher and taking a deep steadying breath, I looked away from the teacher, examining the class. Most of them were watching her but they were shooting fearful glances at me. They were scared too, worried about what was to come. That was fine. I would let myself feel fear, I couldnt exactly stop it, but I refused to let it control my life. Okay, Hannah said, finally turning towards me. So, were going to jump straight into your training today. You all need to get used to being around weapons, as well as becoming accustomed to the noise and, for you, Grace, the sensation. How does that sound? She raised her eyebrows at me expectantly but I wasnt sure how to answer her. I had to, I knew that, but what could I say? Alright, I said cautiously. She was going to shoot me, I knew that, but at least it was going to be a rubber bullet, I was pretty sure. She said that they could still kill a person but I would not leave the fantasy. I refused to run away. Hannahs smile grew. Great. Because its your first day and youre unused to this, Ill get you protective wear, she told me. The bullet, if it hits you somewhere it shouldnt, can still do quite a lot of damage and because youre so new to this, you might flinch still and I dont want to have to send you to the hospital wing so soon! Her tone was so cheery. It sounded more like she was talking about the weather than about shooting, and potentially killing me. I wasn''t sure if that was intentional or not, if she was making a point to seem normal, like this was something she did every day. Maybe it was. Maybe she was used to it. That thought somehow made me feel both better and worse but it also made me feel more determined. I was going first too and I was very aware of that. The way I reacted was important, it would set the expectation for how bad it was. If I reacted badly, if I got hurt, the others would be more scared. There was a small protective part of myself that wanted to protect them, even though wed only just met and I had no real reason to feel that way. I wanted to stop them from being scared. Okay, well need to go into the other room for this part. Shall we? Hannah asked me. Sure, I made myself say. Great! Follow me! She strode towards the door and, after a slight pause, I followed. There was a flurry of movement as the rest of the class stood and began racing after us. I could feel their eyes on me, feel the curiosity and fear, but I forced myself not to look at anyone. If I saw their fear, it would crack the fragile shield I had constructed that kept me strong. I followed Hannah along the corridor into the next room and looked around in shock. I recognised the room. Katie, Abbie and I had found it when wed been exploring before. It was the shooting range. It looked ever so slightly different now. The paper targets were gone but that was the only change. It concerned me though. Did that mean that someone here had been using the range? Was it Seth? Okay, form a semi-circle, everyone! Hannah ordered and the class hurried to do so. I stood awkwardly to one side. No one seemed to want to stand too close to me. It was like they were worried about me being contagious. Like, if they did stand next to me, theyd be chosen to be shot too. I understood the fear, Id probably be doing the same thing as them if I were in their position but, for now, I forced myself to ignore them and watch Hannah as she approached one of the lockers. Her body blocked the keypad as she entered the code before pulling the door open. She rooted around for a moment before glancing back at me. Her eyes narrowed as they slowly scrutinised my body, making me feel self-conscious. She looked away again before long, pulling out a black padded long-sleeved shirt and some bulky trousers. There you go, she told me as she passed me the surprisingly heavy clothes. They should fit over your school uniform. Do you want to put them on now whilst I explain what they are and what the plan is? Umm sure, I said, aware that I had no other options. I mean, I could have said no but there was no point in that. It wouldnt help me at all. I liked that she gave me a choice though. It made things feel more like I was actually part of it, like I could chose what I wanted to do. I hadnt volunteered but it made me feel more like I had. Like it was under my control. It felt nothing like my normal school, I realised as I started to struggle into the strangely stiff clothes. Id put the top part on first and I quickly realised that was a mistake. My arms barely bent, it was a struggle to step into the trousers and pull them up. I almost fell but Seth appeared from nowhere, quickly catching my arm and holding me steady. I sent him an embarrassed but grateful smile as Hannah continued speaking. So, the outfit that Grace is climbing into right now is made of a state of the art Kevlar hybrid. Its capable of stopping real bullets so a rubber bullet will be nothing more than a punch to the stomach, she said with a smile that made it sound like a punch to the stomach was nothing to be wary of. Now, when youre ready, Grace, if you want to just go into the first aisle there and walk along to the end. I froze, almost finished pulling the trousers all the way up and glanced at the aisle shed gestured to. For some reason, that scared me. I wasnt sure why but it made me more scared. I think it was because the aisles were used for real guns and, even though shed said that she wouldnt be using a real bullet, I doubted her. But I couldnt run away, just because I was scared. It took a minute for me to be able to move again but I forced myself to finish pulling the trousers on and looked back at Hannah before taking a deep breath. My feet felt heavy as I crossed the room and began walking down the aisle. I didnt want to do it. My body screamed at me to stop moving, to turn and run or flee the fantasy but I focused on placing one foot in front of the other. Hannah was still talking somewhere behind me but I couldnt hear it. I couldnt hear anything other than my shaking breaths. Finally, I reached the end and looked down at the bullet-littered ground before turning slowly. I wasnt sure how far away I was but it felt far. Are you ready? Hannah shouted down to me. Yes, I called back but my voice was too shaky, too timid. She didnt respond so I lifted a hand, giving her a thumbs up. What was I doing? It was so stupid, so dangerous. I didnt have to be doing it, I didnt need to stay there. It wasnt cowardly to run, it was safe. Okay, Im going to do a countdown, Hannah called, lifting something in her hands and pointing it at me. I couldnt see what it was from the distance, it was just a black shape, but I knew that it was a gun. She was pointing a gun at me. I should run. I wanted to stay but I wanted to run more. Try not to flinch or move and keep your arms out of the way as much as possible, she told me. Three, two There was a deafening popping noise before she reached one but I barely heard it. Pain exploded in my stomach, my visions turned white and I opened my eyes in reality. I was going to be sick. 2.30 I sat up abruptly, my vision still hazy. Lights danced across the room as nausea, stronger than anything Id felt before, rocked me. I needed to get to the bathroom. I had to get there now or Id be sick all over the floor. Throwing my legs off the bed, I pushed myself upright. The movement hurt. Pain shot through my stomach and I clamped my lips shut, knowing that if I opened them even slightly, I would vomit all over the carpeted bedroom. Sweat dripped down my face as I staggered, half-blind, towards the door. I clutched the handle tightly, saying a silent prayer to whoever would listen that my mom would still be in bed, and pulled the door open. The corridor was silent, thankfully, and I rushed across it, diving into the bathroom. I barely managed to lock the door behind me before the need to be sick became too strong. Turning, I lunged towards the toilet as bile rose in my throat. I lost count of how many times I was sick. Each time I stopped, thinking that I was safe and that it was over, stomach-churning nausea crashed into me again. I tried to be as quiet as possible, turning the shower on during one of the brief reprieves that I was granted to drown out the noise. If my mom hear me vomiting first thing in the morning, she would assume the worst immediately. She would suspect that I was pregnant, I knew that but I barely had a chance to worry about it. I was too distracted by the endless stream of vomit that forced its way out of my mouth. After some amount of time, I had no clue how long, my stomach was empty. I huddled against the toilet, grateful that my grandparents had a cleaner who was quite so meticulous. My body was shaking, sweat dripped down my face and the disgusting scent of bile mixed with cheese hung heavily in the bathroom. I lifted a trembling and weak hand to flush the toilet but it did little to clear the smell. There was nothing else I could do though. I didnt have the strength or energy to do anything more than collapse back against the tiled wall, feeling the chill reach into me as tears that I hadnt noticed before stung my eyes. Wrapping my arms around my painful stomach, I reached out apprehensively for the other world. The dizziness that accompanied it forced me to lean over the toilet again as my stomach heaved but nothing came out. My eyes shut as I let my head drop back again, reaching out more slowly that time. People were surrounding me. It was claustrophobic, terrifying. Their faces loomed above me, barely in focus. Give her some space, a sharp voice instructed, causing everyone to take a step back. They kept staring at me though. I could feel their eyes burrowing into my flesh. I looked away, staring straight ahead. Slowly, clarity came over me. I was sitting on the floor of the shooting lane. Something hard and sharp was digging into my butt but I couldnt bring myself to move, I was too focused on catching my breath again. Strangely, in the fantasy, I wasnt very nauseous. I felt like I could be sick but it wasnt as insistent as it was in real life. It hurt less. A shiver went through me and I fought to breathe normally but it was tough. Are you alright, Grace? the voice asked. There was movement in front of me. Hannah had crouched down, staying far enough away from me that I didnt feel suffocated. She was watching me carefully, her eyes monitoring my reaction as I fought to breathe normally. It was tough, I was winded and each intake of air hurt me. I had to respond though. I wanted to show the others that I was okay, that it wasnt that bad. Okay, I wheezed. It was the best I could manage. A huge smile stretched across Hannahs lips. Great job, she told me. You did fantastically, you should be very proud of yourself. I smiled back at her as best as I could whilst still fighting to breathe. I wasnt sure how to feel, not really. Part of me wanted to be proud of myself, I was scared but I didnt run away however I was painfully away of how badly I reacted in real life. I was still huddled on the floor of the bathroom, crying and shaking. Slowly, I withdrew from that world. I couldnt stay there and listen to Hannah talk about how well I had done when I knew that she was wrong. It was fake, my real reaction was so much worse. I was weak, ashamed. Another tear trickled down my face but I couldnt bring my hand up to wipe it away. I was too exhausted, too drained from how much I had been throwing up. And I was embarrassed. It was stupid, I knew that. My reaction, the vomiting, couldnt have been linked to my fantasy. I had a good imagination but it wasnt that good. It must have been something else, something real Food poisoning. Mom had said that OConnells had a bad reputation or something, they had probably just cooked something wrong, used gone off food maybe. That made more sense that whatever the alternative was. I was just sick, ill, nothing more. I almost believed that, despite how much my stomach hurt. The tiled wall was cold against my back, uncomfortably so, and my body shook with shivers but I was so exhausted, so tired. I couldnt bring myself to move even though my bedroom wasnt too far away. I should have showered or at least brushed my teeth but instead, I reached out for my dressing gown which hung on the back of the door. Shaking it until it fell off, I pulled it towards myself and huddled under it as my eyes fell shut again. My head swam. It felt hazy, like I was floating, as I dozed. I went from being wide awake to asleep in seconds before jerking awake again as a shiver wracked my body, followed by pain that radiated from my stomach and made me worried I was going to be sick again. Finally, it settled down as I began to warm up and I hovered in a space that was not quite consciousness but I also wasnt asleep. It was comfortable, cosy. I wasnt in pain and the nausea barely bothered me. I felt like I could stay there forever. In fact, I wasnt sure how long I spent in that strange nowhere land. Time seemed to flow over me, not quite touching me. It made me not want to return to reality. Why would I when I could stay somewhere so soft and warm? But I couldnt stay there. Something was seeking me out. A dizziness, comforting like the nothingness I was in. It found me before I could resist it and I opened my eyes, staring at the dark red wood-panelled wall in front of me. I was in an office, somewhere fancy clearly. The lighting was low and there was music coming from somewhere. Jazz music. It was soft and coming. Where was I? I still don''t actually know. What are you doing here? a mans voice asked kindly. I turned quickly as panic gripped me and I tried to search my memories to work out where I was but they were blank. Then I had no recollection of where I was or how I had got there. I stared at the dark-haired man who was sitting behind the desk, an expectant smile on his face. There was a lamp on his dark, black and gold in colour and perfectly polished, but his skin was glowing like there was a spotlight pointed directly at him. Hm? I asked as I tried to work out what else to say. My brain was useless though. I couldnt think of a single excuse because I had no clue where I was. I didnt even recognise the dark city outside of the floor to ceiling windows that covered one of the walls. In fact, Id never seen anything like it before. The buildings were huge and gleaming. It looked like a capital city, like New York or somewhere, but it was dark outside. Night time, probably. The city was shrouded in darkness, small specks of light were illuminated in windows but, apart from that, the only source of light came from the giant glowing moon. I asked what youre doing here, the man repeated. Do you need something? If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. His tone was nice. Kind. He sounded gentle, not annoyed that I had stumbled into his office and had no clue why I was there. I looked around, searching for the door but I couldnt see it. It must have been designed to fit in with the wood panelling around the room to hide it. I didnt know why someone would want that but it was clearly the choice that someone had made. Yes, I said, having decided that it would be better to say that than to admit that I didnt know who he was or what I was doing there. I was just looking for you! He cocked his head to the side, examining me carefully as he steepled his fingers in front of him. Are you sure? My schedule is empty for the afternoon. I have no interviews, he said. No appointments. There was something so confident, so assured, about his tone. It was too smooth, sinfully so, and it made me almost wish that I could fall asleep to it. That felt like a weird thought but it was so soothing, so calming. It made me feel more self-assured, like I was safe. Oh, thats why Im here, I decided. I was told to come up for the interview. Last minute addition. I smiled at him, hoping that he would believe me. He must have been hiring people, thats why I was there. It was a job interview. I had no idea what the job was or why I wanted it but that made sense. His flawless forehead creased for a moment as confusion crossed his face and he glanced at the computer screen that was floating just above his desk and emitting a dark green glow. I stepped forwards, trying to get a closer look at it. There was nothing holding it up. It was just hovering in midair. My secretary would have warned me, he muttered to himself more so than to me. They werent at their desk, I said quickly. But someone told me to just walk right in and introduce myself. Confidence flared in me. It was going well. I was getting away with my utter lack of knowledge of what was going on. Walk? the man said, sounding baffled. I glanced down as the brief spark of certainty was snuffed. I was in my pyjamas. Somehow, I was wearing the exact outfit I had changed into last night when I returned home from that dinner with my mom. The oversized t-shirt and far too short shorts made me feel wildly out of place as the man pushed his chair back and stood. I took the opportunity to examine him quickly. He was dressed in a black suit which was perfectly tailored and highlighted how tall and lean he was. His dark hair was pushed back but shone in the low light and, as he rounded his desk and walked towards me, I noticed his shoes. It seemed like such a silly and unnecessary thing to notice but I couldnt help it. They were pointed and embellished, but the colour was the thing that I was taken in by. Dark red, obscured by black smoke. I dont think youre meant to be here, the man said. I swallowed nervously, ripping my gaze away from his shoes to stare at his face. Yes, I am, I lied weakly. The room was silent as he walked towards me, his footsteps muffled by the thick carpet. The jazz had stopped playing, I noticed numbly. I hadnt seen him turn it off. No, I dont think you are, dear child, he said with a sympathetic sigh. I am, I insisted, unsure why I was even trying. I have an appointment, an interview. He closed the gap between us and gently took my chin with his pointed fingertips. His touch was warm as he leaned down towards me, towering over me. For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me as his face moved closer but he didnt close the gap between our lips. He just stared deep into my eyes. At first, I resisted. I looked away, scared of meeting his gaze, but I couldnt avoid it forever. Finally, I allowed my eyes to meet his, noticing the slightly irregular shape of his pupils. Once I made eye contact, I couldnt look away. It felt like I was falling, like I had missed a step and was careening towards the ground. My body braced, ready for an impact that never came. Ah, now I see. Arent you an interesting one? the strange man asked, still holding my chin. My chest felt tight. I couldnt breathe, I couldnt move or pull away as the man continued to examine me. Somehow, I knew that he was seeing more than I meant him to. He was seeing into me, into my soul. I didnt like it, I felt so vulnerable, but I couldnt even blink. My body wasnt listening to me, my mind was barely even working. No, he said softly, Youre not meant to be here for some time. Well, itll feel like some time to you but a blink to me. He finally let go of my chin and I staggered backwards, sucking in a breath as I stared at his fingers. They were pointed, longer than they should have been, and they were dipped in darkness as if shadows had grabbed hold of him and refused to let go. What do you mean? I breathed. Time passes differently for each of us, young one. That wasnt an answer. Or, at least, it didnt answer my question. He didn''t tell me what I wanted to hear but then, I wasn''t even sure what that was. Who where am I? I asked. The man chuckled, the noise soft and inviting. Well, isnt that the question? Is it? He smiled at me, giving me the impression of a father smiling at his young child. My dad looked at me that way. It was kind, indulgent. Im afraid I cant answer that, he said as he turned and started to walk away from me, gesturing for me to take a seat in front of his desk. Well, I can technically but I will not. Why? I asked, almost tripping in my haste to follow him. I sunk into the low leather armchair as he seated himself behind his desk. It is a decision that I made long ago, he said, giving me another half-answer. But why? I pressed. I wasnt sure why I was asking the question or why it even really mattered to me. I just wanted to know. Because The man trailed off and glanced at the city outside his window. I dont like to meddle. If I say too much, life is influenced. What do you mean? I have faltered, he admitted, looking back at me with such intensity that I had to look away. Several times, in fact. Never does it end well. What happened? I asked, risking a glance into his hypnotic eyes. Death, he said simply. Famine occasionally, destruction generally. Oh, was all I could think to say to that. Part of me wanted to reassure the man, to tell him that it wasnt his fault or that he could talk to me. He seemed weary, exhausted by his decisions. I felt bad, I wanted to help him. Alas, there is nothing to be done. But you should go, Grace of Many Lives. My heart felt like it stopped. What did you just call me? The words repeated themselves in my mind over and over until they became embedded deep within in my brain. Is that not your name? My mouth was dry. How was I meant to answer that? My name is Grace, I said. Just Grace. The man continued to stare at me for a moment, unblinking. Are you sure? Yes. My voice was little above a whisper and I saw his lips curl up in a kind smile. Well then, Just Grace. You should leave, its dangerous for one like you to spend too much time here, he warned me. Go be with the others. I stood, following his instructions instinctively but there was a reluctance in me. A heaviness in the pit of my stomach that begged me to sink back down and ask the man to reconsider, to have my interview or whatever it was now. I dont know that I want to, I heard myself whisper. The sympathy on his face made my heart hurt and my eyes burn. I know, dear child, and Im sorry. Your pain I wish I could do more for you, for all of you, he told me. The life you have been given, the path you have been placed on, is not a fair one. I couldnt hold back the tear that escape my eye. Why? I asked, my voice cracking. With a heavy sigh, he stood again. Because it is unfair. You have free will, all humans do. And unfortunately, many use it for cruelty, he said as he rounded his desk towards where I stood. Those around you are cruel but you are not. More tears trickled down my face. Are you sure? I asked, voicing a deep insecurity, a fear. I worried that I was like her. I am certain, young Grace, he said. You are kind. It is a great achievement but also a curse. Why? Because it means you feel the pain of the world, the suffering. Those who are cruel expect cruelty, they are used to it. You may be used to it but you still hope for more and you deserve more, he said softly. You will receive it again one day but for now, I have sent you a gift. A weapon. You have? I whispered. Yes, it is still searching but soon, he will be there, the man told me. But now, you must leave. Go be with the rest of the living. I swallowed, taking a small step away before looking back at the man. When? I asked. When will I come back? In just a blink, he promised. This world will be closed to you, forgotten. But you must try and remember to have some food, anchor yourself to your world. Itll make it easier when the time comes. I stared at him as he walked away, seating himself behind his desk once more as something on his desk glowed a faint pink. I didnt want to but I needed to leave. I knew that but it didnt make it any easier. A bright white glow caught my attention and I stared at the now visible door, my feet taking me towards it unconsciously. My heart ached with each step, reluctance dragging at me and making me fight with myself. It would be easier to stay, I knew that. Easier and better in a way but he promised something. He told me I would receive more, whatever that meant, and that he had sent me something. But who was he? That question bounced around my mind. Suggestions flooded my mind but none felt right, none accurately explained the man who sat at his desk, now staring at the computer screen intently. My feet stopped moving as I reached the doorway. The glow was so bright that I couldnt see through it and I was scared to move any further, unsure of what lay beyond. I glanced back at the man once more, hoping for some reassurance. For a moment, he didnt look at me. He continued reading something on his floating computer screen but then his eyes found mine. Go, he said, with a soft flick of his fingers that caused my dizziness to react instinctively, pulling me away from the world. But, before it could disappear from my vision, I caught sight of something. Someone was materialising in the chair in front of his desk. She sat taller, her figure wider than I was used to and her hair somehow lighter but I still recognised her. I still recognised myself. Grace. 2.31 I should be doing dumb things without thinking about the consequences. I blinked slowly, the room feeling very bright and wrong as I looked around. I must have fallen asleep. The last thing I could remember was being in the bathroom where I was now, feeling weak and horrible and my stomach hurting but I moved cautiously, shuffling to my knees so that I could flush the toilet. My stomach didnt really hurt anymore. There was a dull ache but nothing more. I didnt really even feel bad either. There was something there, a slight sadness, but mostly, I just felt light. It was strange and unexpected but I was glad. I stood up slowly, a smile coming to my face unconsciously and startling me when I caught sight of my reflection. I felt almost happy. And it was a nice day outside. I could see a bright blur through the bathroom window and stretched to open it, taking in the sight of the perfectly blue sky. The sun was high already and there werent any clouds. It was going to be a good day. The delicate aroma of flowers drifted in through the window. I wasnt sure how the smell reached me from so far away but it was so strong. It chased away the lingering scent of vomit, replacing it with a much more appealing scent. I took another deep breath through my nose, allowing myself to enjoy the smell for a moment longer before reaching for the window handle again. I had to shower and I knew that I should close it before I did so but I didnt want to. Peering out of the window again, I searched the gardens below for any sign of the gardener or anyone else. It was empty which meant that, as long as I showered quickly, I could get away with leaving it open and not being seen by anyone. Not that theyd be able to see me anyway. I wasnt on the ground floor and the chances of anyone being there or looking up was low but I still didnt really want to risk it. I didnt want anyone to see me naked but it was more than that. The idea of someone, especially the old gardener, telling my mom that Id been showering with the window open and that hed seen? That made my skin crawl. I couldnt help but imagine what shed say to me about that. Shed immediately think that it was intentional, I knew it. She would assume that I had left the window open because I knew that someone was outside and I wanted them to see me. Why Id want the wizened gardener to see me naked was a mystery to me and the house was set far enough away from the road that no one would have been able to see from there but still, she would accuse me of that nonetheless. I pulled the window so that it was mostly closed but a tiny crack was left, just enough to let the sun and fresh air in but not enough for anyone to be able to see through. A smirk found its way to my face. Maybe I should have pushed it all the way open, just to see what would happen. It was tempting, even though I knew it was stupid. I couldnt do it in this world but I found myself reaching out before I even decided to, trying to find a fantasy that was similar enough to my regular world but where I wouldnt get in trouble if anyone saw me. Not that it mattered. It was just a fantasy, a daydream. If someone saw me, nothing would happen. Grinning, I opened my eyes into somewhere else. I was back home, I realised quickly. My bedding was the same as always, the bookcases lining my walls were pretty much the same too. There were a couple of differences, I was sure of it, but I couldnt quite put my finger on any of them. One of the books, the one on the top shelf, I was almost certain I didnt have back home. The cover was a dark bottle green, the writing golden. I couldnt read it from where I was sitting but I stood quickly and walked towards it, having immediately forgotten why I had even sought out the new world. The Rose Garden. The name didnt ring any bells but the author was one I liked, Id read a lot of his works. Maybe, in this world, he published more books. I wasnt sure that he did in real life, it felt like there was a huge gap between the books in the series which sucked. I mean, writing them probably took a lot of time and the book seemed really thick so that probably didnt help but still. I reached out, stretching up on my tiptoes so that my hand could touch the spine, and froze. I shouldnt read it, not here. It might be different, wrong. The writing style might not be the same or it could be a story that he hadnt written yet in reality or I stopped myself. I was being ridiculous. I didnt go to that world so that I could read a book I hadnt read before, although it was very tempting, I came here to do something reckless and silly. A small voice in my head cheered at that thought. It wanted me to hurry up and have fun. Glancing at the window, a jolt went through me and I walked towards it before spinning around. I had been wrong before, my room wasnt the same as my one back home. I was in the other room, my parents room. It was a little bit bigger and there was an ensuite. But then, if this was my room, where were they? I padded across the plush carpet, another difference, towards the door and pulled it open before listening hard. There was no sound though. I couldnt hear anything from downstairs. Where was my mom? Part of me wanted to turn and go back into my room, just continue to do whatever I wanted to do there and not go and find her but I had to look. There was a curiosity that was too strong, I needed to know what was happening in this world and why I was in their room. Taking care to walk as quietly as I could, I stepped out into the hall and walked along it, stopping outside the room that should be mine. The door was closed and I strained my ears, trying to work out if my mom was inside and napping. That would make sense, she did nap sometimes. I was pretty sure that I should have just given up and assumed she was in there rather than risk waking her up but my hand closed around the handle and I carefully pulled it open. The room was empty. Well, not empty. Their stuff was in there. The bed, chest of drawers, wardrobe, it was all in there but it looked different. It was so neat. I couldnt help but walk into the room towards the vanity where my mom kept all of her cosmetics. Normally, it was a bit of a mess with things scattered around but not in this world. The items were lined up carefully and theyd even been placed in specific plastic trays so that theyd stay in place. It felt strange, unnerving. Everything felt a little off. I wasnt sure what was different but it was clear that something had happened in this world, that something had changed. I touched the top of her perfume bottle, needing to make sure it was real, before turning and leaving the room. I continued along the corridor, pausing at the top of the stairs to listen again. It was scaring me a little. The house was too quiet. I could hear everything, every little noise, the quiet whine of the fridge, the somehow louder sounds of the animals in the field behind our house, but nothing in the house. No sign of life. Fighting the urge at every step to turn and run back into my bedroom, find a way to lock the door and hide, I made my way down the stairs. Again, there was nothing particularly obvious that looked out of place in the downstairs hall but the lingering urge that something was wrong stuck with me. I glanced into the kitchen, empty, before checking the lounge. It was empty too. My mom wasnt home. There was no real sign that shed even been there, no food or cups on the coffee table. The television was switched off and the room was empty. There was a yoga mat tucked away on the far side of the sofa. Two of them, I realised as I moved towards it. Did both of my parents do yoga in this world? Even as I had that thought, the memory hit me. They did and, more than that, I did yoga with them. Sometimes, on Saturday mornings, we would all do yoga together. The idea of it was so weird, so foreign that I immediately rejected it, my face screwing up subconsciously. I didnt ever want to do yoga with my mom. I couldnt imagine it would be any fun. She would make it into a competition, pointing out that she was more flexible than I was and all around better. I could hear the comments now. Shed tell me that it was funny that she was so much more limber than I was because Im so much younger than her and then make some comment about how I wasnt doing enough exercise or something like that. But, in this world, she didnt do that. I could remember her encouraging me and that felt even more wrong. Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. I padded into the kitchen, my eyes searching the photos on the wall for any sign of anything that could shed some light on why things were so different in this world but there was nothing. The pictures on the walls were of the three of us mostly but some were of just my parents together. That stopped me and I just stared at one of the pictures for a moment. We were on holiday somewhere, I thought. Greece or Turkey, my memories supplied. My dad had one arm around my mom who was smiling up at him. She looked so happy, so in love. And my dad looked happy too. He was grinning at the camera and I could remember taking the photo. Wed gone somewhere, to a town near the hotel that had a harbour. It was such a nice day and my dad asked me to take the photo on his phone, it was back before I had my own. My parents waited patiently as I took multiple photos, trying to get a really good one even though they were all good. I told them I was done and my mom looked away from me, looking up at my dad with such love and adoration that it made my heart hurt. Part of me hated that I could remember that. My dad had seemed so happy, they both did. They deserved it in real life but they didnt have it and I hated it. I didnt think theyd ever felt like that about each other in my world and I wasnt sure they ever would. Or that they could. Pushing that thought out of my mind, I tore my eyes away from the photos on the wall and pulled open the fridge. I wasnt really sure why I had done it but I just did. My eyes immediately fell on the top shelf where a pile of ingredients lay with a note on top. I picked it up, reading it as confusion built within me. My mom was working, shed said, and Dad was out of town. Shed put together the ingredients for me to make myself a stir fry, along with a warning to be careful and not to burn myself. Shed even ended the note by saying that if I didnt want that, I could just order a pizza or whatever I was feeling and use her card, not my own. I had a card? And she was giving me free rein of hers. There was no warning not to spend too much or not to order anything too unhealthy, just to order whatever I wanted. It felt so strange that, despite my grumbling stomach, I placed the note back on top of the pile of food and shut the fridge. I stood in the kitchen, staring blankly at the fridge, for a while. My mind was racing but also felt strangely empty. I felt out of place. The world was similar to mine but also so different and that made me unsteady. But that didnt matter, I tried to convince myself. I had come to this world for a reason, I wanted to do something fun and reckless that Id never be able to do in my world but I could do that here. I just wasnt sure what. The first thing that came to my mind, even though I knew it was a bad idea, was the exact thing I wanted to do in my real world. I wanted to be able to take a shower with the window wide open so that I could smell the flowers but I couldnt do that in this world. There was no flower garden, I was pretty sure, and the bathroom window was at the side of the house. That just overlooked the path next to the house, there was no point. A terrible idea built in the back of my mind and I knew it was bad but I was still so tempted. My room faced the road. The house was set back a little bit so the chances of anyone actually seeing me were low. But it wasnt impossible and that made my heart pound. No one was home, it was unlikely anyone would see me, and there was nothing else that I could think of that would be the same. My breathing was unsteady as I snuck out of the kitchen and started to climb the stairs, unsure as to why I was being so careful. My hands were shaking. It was stupid, I was being stupid, but I just wanted to do something. Part of me wanted to go back downstairs. To go sit in my lounge and watch something on television or to go upstairs and read the book that I wanted to, fully dressed. I ignored both urges, my mind screaming in approval. The walk to my bedroom felt like it took too long. My steps were unsteady, my heart racing. It was ridiculous but I never did anything like that. I never acted without thinking or did something that I knew I could get in trouble for and that made me feel even more anxious. But I was a teenager. I should be doing dumb things without thinking about the consequences. I reached my room, still feeling a little bit uncomfortable that I was even in my parents room even though it was mine in this world, and immediately reached for the top button on my shirt. I was in my school uniform, for some reason. Was it not the summer holidays yet? I wasnt sure but I didnt think so. I searched my memories for a moment before realising that the holidays in this world started in a week. That made sense, time moved weirdly in some of the worlds. I hesitated, glancing at the window again as it hit me how dumb the idea was. The reluctance left me quickly though, being replaced with determination and confidence again. I needed to get my clothes out first, whatever I was going to change into. Pulling open my chest of drawers, I rooted around in it before grabbing an oversized shirt and a pair of leggings. That would do. I dropped them on my bed before looking up at the window again. My bed was in the middle of the room and the window was on the other side. That meant that I could stand by the bed and get changed. It wouldnt seem weird, if anyone looked up and saw me, they would probably just assume that I had forgotten to shut the curtains, not that I was doing it on purpose. What felt like a million other excuses rushed through my head but I pushed them aside, reaching for my top button again. Id already taken my tie off and dropped it on the back of my chair which made things easier. My heart was racing so hard that I could feel it thrumming through my veins, it pounded in my ears and made my hands shake. I wanted to look up, to check and see if there was anyone on the street outside the house but I couldnt bring myself to look away from my bed. My eyes were fixed on a spot on the duvet, one of the multicoloured dots. I wasnt sure if it was just fear or excitement that was racing through me. Maybe a combination. I knew things were different in this world but I could hear the names my mom would call me, the things shed imply or maybe just outright say, and that made me want to duck down and hide from view. But I wouldnt let myself. This world was just a dream, a fantasy. Nothing mattered there so I didnt need to worry. I tried to force myself to believe that as I reached the last button. I was hunched over, my shirt still pulled tightly around me, but I took a deep breath and stood up as straight as I could, dragging my eyes from the duvet to look out the window as I slipped the shirt from my shoulders. A gasp slipped out of my mouth. There, standing in the street and staring up at me, was Duncan. The desperate urge to cover up slammed into me, making my hands twitch, but something else took over. A wild confidence, one that I didnt know where it came from but that felt so natural, brought a smile to my face. It felt strange on my lips. It wasnt a normal smile. No, it was something else, something more seductive. I was pretty sure he wouldnt be able to see it from how far away he was but maybe he would and that was enough. I felt strangely disconnected from my body, like I was nothing more than a puppet and someone else was pulling the strings, as my hands lifted behind me and unhooked my bra. I clutched it to my body for a few seconds, painfully aware of the fact that I hadnt gotten another bra out of my chest of drawers and that Duncan still hadnt looked away. He was standing, froze and transfixed. That made me feel powerful. I slowly pulled the straps down before dropping the bra onto my bed and taking another deep breath. I was doing it. I was doing exactly what I wanted to and Duncan, of all people, had seen me. He was still seeing me. And so was Sam. His friend, one of the other boys on the rugby team, was standing next to him and looking up at me too. His mouth was open and I couldnt move as he lifted his hand, his phone clasped in it. Duncan reacted before I could. His hand shot out, hitting the phone before it was even fully lifted and sending it flying towards the ground. I reached for my shirt quickly, not even caring about the bra, and pulled it on, panic racing through me as I realised how stupid I had been. It wasnt fun and harmless, they had seen me and now Sam was probably going to tell everyone at school what he had seen. I whirled around, not caring that I was still wearing my school skirt and staggered out of my room. I made it as far as the corridor before my knees gave out and my breath came in gasps. Why had I done that? It was so stupid and thoughtless. I would have to face them in school and then what? Theyd tell everyone. My heart was racing, the panic chasing out all feelings of pride or satisfaction over what I had done. I was hyperventilating, barely able to breathe, before I realised that it didnt matter. I didnt need to stay in that world. With a smile, I reached out for the dizziness that would take me home. My vision came back into focus and I realised that I was still standing at the sink where I had been when I started daydreaming but now, I could hear noise from beyond the bathroom. My mom was getting up. I scrambled towards the shower, quickly turning it on before darting out of the spray of the water, my mind still racing. I was breathing faster than I should have been, the residual panic still flowing through me, but now that I was back in my world I felt something else. It wasnt quite jealousy but it wasnt far off. Part of me wanted to do that for real. Not in front of Sam but in front of Duncan. I wanted to feel that power, that excitement, that I had felt so briefly when I saw him looking up at me. I shook my head and looked down. I couldnt do that. I wouldnt. Even the thought of it made my cheeks burn with embarrassment, I couldnt begin to imagine how much I would blush if I actually did it in real life. But even so, I couldnt help but picture his face as I started to climb out of my pyjamas. 2.32 Youre a growing girl, after all! My face was still hot as I rushed into the shower, pushing the memory of what I had done as far from my mind as possible. It had been so risky and dumb, but it had fulfilled my desire to do something reckless. And there were no negative consequences for it because it didnt even happen in my world. That realisation made me feel conflicted. Part of me was glad, it meant that I wouldnt get in trouble or anything, but it also caused the urge to return quickly. It suddenly didnt feel like I had done enough. If anything, I think it made me want to do something else that was stupid. I wasnt sure what, exactly. I just knew that I wanted to do something. But I was isolated in Scotland. I didnt even know anyone there, so there was nothing I could do. Not unless I did something like walk along the drive completely nude. A wave of horror at that thought hit me so strongly that I physically recoiled. It would get back to my mom or worse, my grandparents. The town would be alive with gossip, and I wouldnt be able to stand that. It would be horrible. My recklessness started to subside as I imagined the conversations that it would cause, the judgement and the comments. My mom would assume that Id had some kind of mental breakdown; I didnt doubt it. She would haul me to a doctor, a psychiatrist, or anyone who could explain my behaviour. A laugh slipped out of my mouth, but it was drowned by the noise of the running water. It would be kind of funny if she took me to a doctor, I couldnt help but think. Theyd probably have a lot to say about my mental health, but shed hate it. If they said I was depressed, or whatever was going on with me, she would see it as a personal insult. An attack on her parenting. No, I couldnt do that. Even though I was pretty sure that shed send me away after that. She wouldnt want me to be around her anymore, not if there was the potential that I might do something like that again. She might send me away somewhere, like to a boarding school or something. Dizziness pulled at my mind as I started to comb shampoo through my hair, fantasising about how good it would be to be sent to a boarding school. Even if it was a really strict one, it would be better than being at home. Id be away from my mom; Id have the chance to start over. It would be just like one of my fantasies. But, no. I couldnt do that. It was just an impulse, nothing more. I pushed the thought aside, trying to focus on the sensation of the water slipping over my skin and warming my muscles. It felt so good. I could feel my body relaxing and the tension flowing away, disappearing down the drain along with the water. Reaching out for the shower controls, I turned the water pressure even higher. That was one of the best things about my grandparents house. The water pressure. The shower was so strong that it almost hurt but in the best way possible. It was like a massage. I could feel it drilling into my muscles, leaving them relaxed and loose. I hesitated as I picked up my conditioner. I hadnt had a massage, not in this world, but I had a distinct memory of it. I could remember the feeling of warm hands gliding over my back, of thumbs pressing into my shoulders, but I knew the memories werent mine. Or, they werent real. Id probably had a massage in one of my daydream worlds. That would make sense. Almost. My mind stuttered to a halt as I swung my hair over my shoulder so that I could rub the conditioner into it, and my gaze found my stomach. Confusion hit me as I stared blankly at the dark, blooming bruise on my pale skin. It was already a dark, splotchy purple, but I had no clue what had happened. I let the conditioner drip from my hand as I reached out, touching my stomach lightly. It was tender, a little sore, but not too bad. What had I done? It was in the exact spot that I had been shot in, I was sure, but I must have caught it on something. Maybe, when I rushed into the bathroom to be sick in the night, Id hit it on the toilet. Or possibly the sink? No, it was so dark; it had to be more than that. But then, what? I couldnt work it out. I didnt remember hurting myself in real life, but I must have done. There was no other explanation. Maybe Id started sleepwalking? I could have run into the bannisters or something. That would explain it; it was about the right height. But my mom would have heard that. She would have come out to see what I had done. If she had found me sleepwalking, would she have woken me? It was dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, Id been told that before, but surely she wouldnt have just watched as I hurt myself. I liked to think that she wouldnt, but I genuinely wasnt sure. I think she would have stopped me from seriously hurting myself, but maybe not from a minor injury. Did the giant bruise on my stomach even count as a minor injury? If I had hurt myself while sleepwalking, I must have been running. It would have taken a lot of force. Unease washed through me as I finished washing my hair, not wanting to look away from my stomach for long. Suspicion was eating at me. I knew it wasnt possible, I really did, but I couldnt help wondering if it had been caused by my fantasy. I mean, it was in the exact place where Id been shot. No. It was a coincidence, nothing more. I tried to force myself to believe that, but it nibbled at the back of my mind as I turned the shower off and stepped out into the now-cold bathroom. A shiver went through me as I reached for my towel, straining my ears to listen for any sign that my mom was outside the door. I hadnt thought to grab a change of clothes when I first came into the bathroom, having been too distracted by my nausea, and now I was stuck. Id need to go back to my room to get changed, which was usually fine. I did that sometimes, but now it felt risky. If, somehow, I dropped my towel or something as my mom came out of her room, she would see my stomach. If she hadnt seen it happen during the night, she would demand to know what happened. How would I answer her? I couldnt. There was no way I could tell her what I suspected, and if I told her I woke up with it, I wasnt sure what she would do. Shed either not believe me and demand to know the truth, which I couldnt tell her, or she haul me to the doctor to be tested for every medical condition under the sun. Random bruising was probably a symptom of something, and probably something bad, but I didnt want to risk my mom not believing me. There was no way she would believe that I hadnt done anything to cause it. She would suspect Id snuck out, gotten into a fight or something. Id never been in a fight, not in this world, but that wouldnt matter to her. She would demand to know the truth. No. It was better to hide it from her; I knew that. I towelled my hair, trying to pick up any sound from the hallway or my moms room, but there was nothing. It was silent. That meant she was either waiting to ambush me and demand to know something, or she was in the kitchen already. I hadnt heard her go down, but I might have missed it whilst I was showering. Deliberating for another few seconds, I made my decision. I would just wrap the towel really carefully around myself and go. That was smarter than just waiting to see if she made any noise. If I was in the bathroom for too long, shed get suspicious anyway. I pulled the towel around my body and carefully picked up the pyjamas I had worn the night before. I hadnt noticed any vomit on them before, but I didnt want to risk touching or getting any on myself after I had just showered. Examining them closely, I decided they were clean enough for me to clutch them against the towel, using them to help keep me covered. Sucking in a deep breath to steel myself, I pulled the door open. My mom wasnt in the hall; that made relief crash into me, but it didnt last long. It was quickly replaced by a new fear. She might be waiting in my room. Shed done that before. I couldnt remember what I had done then, but I walked into my room to find her perched on the end of my bed, waiting for me. I hesitated for just a moment at my bedroom door, my hand resting on the handle, before sucking in another breath and pushing it open. Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. Luckily, my room was empty. I slipped inside, shutting the door softly behind me. My eyes darted to the wardrobe, and I had the irrational impulse to pull it open, just to make sure that my mom wasnt hiding in there. She wouldnt be; that was ridiculous. Even she wasnt that paranoid and determined to catch me out. I dropped my dirty clothes on the floor, glancing at the wardrobe again. I couldnt help myself. Crossing the room, I pulled the towel even more firmly around myself and tried to make it look like I was just trying to work out what to wear as I pulled the wardrobe door open and peered inside. It was empty, of course. An irritated huff slipped through my lips, and I looked at my suitcase on the floor. There was no point in wearing a dress or anything like that today; I wasnt sure if my mom had planned anything yet. I should wear my normal clothes, just leggings and a shirt. Shed tell me at breakfast if she wanted to go out. Pausing once more to listen for any sign of my mom, I started to get dressed. My eye bounced towards the door almost constantly. The chances of Mom throwing the door open and bursting into my room were low, I tried to reassure myself. They werent zero, though, and that made me hurry to finish getting dressed. The waistband of my leggings pressed against the bruise a little, I realised as I left my room. I couldnt exactly turn around and change, though; if my mom noticed, she''d find that suspicious. Instead, I fiddled with them, trying to pull them down lower so that they didnt cut into my tender skin quite so much. It helped, but the pain didnt completely go away. As I started to pad silently along the hallway towards the kitchen, I realised that I could hear my mom in the room. She was bustling around and switching on the kettle. That felt weird. She normally was up much earlier than I was and didnt have her second cup of coffee until a little later. Good morning, I called cautiously as I entered the kitchen, eyeing her. Her back was to me, but she turned, a wide smile on her face. Good morning, she replied, her tone a little too pleasant. Her response made me immediately on edge. It felt fake, but I wasnt sure why. I looked away from her, her expression unnerving me, and my gaze fell on the table. Shed already eaten. Her plate had crumbs on it, and the bread was still out. Something felt off, but I couldnt put my finger on what exactly. How did you sleep? I asked, trying to sound normal. Being suspicious of her wouldnt help; it would just make her more sure that I was hiding something. Like a baby. How about you? Youre up early. The way she said it sounded like an accusation, but it also made me realise that I didnt actually know what time it was. I glanced at my phone. It was only just past eight. Oh, yeah. I guess I am, I said. I just woke up early, I guess. My mom turned away from me as the kettle finished boiling, and I walked towards the table. We were silent as she finished making her coffee, and I started making some toast, but I was acutely aware of her gaze on me as I moved. She didnt say anything else until we were both sitting at the table. How early did you wake up? she asked, her tone too casual. Im not sure, I said honestly. I wasnt specifically trying to be cagey, but I also didnt want to answer her question truthfully. Ideally, I wanted to hide the fact that I had been sick from her. It would only lead to her asking more questions or fussing over me, and I wanted to avoid both. Hopefully, I hadnt woken her up when I had run into the bathroom, but I wasnt sure. No? she asked. Nope. I didnt check the time until just now. Her smile faltered for a brief moment before returning. Mmm, that happens sometimes, she said. I thought that I was safe, that she wasnt going to ask any more questions and would return to her book, but I was wrong. I made the mistake of starting to eat. It felt like the right thing to do, I was at the table, and my toast was just sitting in front of me. It would have gotten cold if not, and it was weird for me to not eat it after making it. You seem hungry this morning, she remarked, watching me as she took a sip of her coffee. I wasnt, not particularly. I was mostly just eating because it was breakfast time. Her tone hadnt been judgemental though, it was too upbeat still. I wasnt sure where she was going with her questioning. I guess? I said unsurely. Even after such a big unhealthy dinner yesterday? she questioned in that same tone. Mmm, was all I said to that. She was probably leading up to some kind of judgement of how much Id been eating recently. A suggestion to work out more and eat less would probably follow. Well, thats good. Youre a growing girl, after all! I tried to keep the uneasy confusion off my face. If it wasnt for how forced her side looked, I would have assumed that Id slipped into another world without realising. She was being too nice to me; it didnt feel right. It was intentional though; it had to be. But I wasnt sure how to respond. Would it be better to ignore it and act normal or to play along? Part of me wanted to just ignore it and ignore her altogether, but that felt so rude. Plus, it would probably annoy her. Im not sure about that, I said in a jokey voice. I dont think Ive grown in the last year! Again, her expression flickered. I wasnt responding the way she wanted me to; that much was obvious. How did she want me to respond, though? I had tried playing along. I should do the opposite next time, ignore the positivity. Nonsense, she said, her smile growing so wide she was practically baring her teeth at me. Youre becoming a woman; that takes a lot of energy. My eyebrows started to pull together in confusion, but I fought to keep my expression clear. She was clearly trying to get at something; I just couldnt work out what. Was I supposed to respond to her? She was looking at me so expectantly, but what she had said didnt seem to warrant a reply. I settled for just making a noncommittal noise which made irritation flare across her face. She took a moment to have a sip of coffee, drinking deeply and staring at me as she did so. I looked at the discarded crust of toast on my plate, continuing to watch her out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to get up and leave so badly, but I had the feeling that she would just follow me if I did. Instead, I forced myself to reach for a scone. Her eyes narrowed as I cut it in half and started to smear jam across it. I heard you in the bathroom this morning, she stated, her tone becoming colder. I froze for a split second before placing my knife down and biting the scone. She watched me carefully as I chewed, taking my time to avoid answering her for as long as possible. I barely even tasted it; I was too distracted by her eyes burning into my face. Oh? I said, trying to sound completely neutral. She might have just heard me taking a shower. There was nothing wrong with that; lots of people took showers in the morning. Yes, she said, leaning towards me. You know, the last time I threw up like that was about eight months before you were born. Oh, really? I said without thinking. Thats how I found out I was pregnant with you. You know, morning sickness is genetic. The conversation seemed to have taken such a random turn, I thought before my mouth dropped open. She thought I was pregnant. She must have heard me throwing up. Thats why she commented on how hungry I was and about becoming a woman. She was trying to make me confess. Im not pregnant, I blurted out. Her smile became smug, and her eyebrows rose. Is that right? Yeah! Im not, I insisted. Her eyes flickered to my stomach, and my hand twitched, wanting to cover the bruise that throbbed softly under my clothes. I refused to let it, though; I knew how bad that would look. Are you sure about that? No form of protection is completely effective, she said, a disgusted look on her face. Id never even kissed a boy; how could I be pregnant? Im sure! Well go out after breakfast, she told me, finally picking up her book again. Well need to go into the city. I refuse to buy a pregnancy test in the village. If the word gets back to Mom and Dad Her expression told me that they wouldnt react well. What? No, we dont need to go and buy a pregnancy test! So, you already knew? she demanded, her tone icy. Well, Im not surprised. Your fathers always been too soft on you. He lets you get away with too much, but youre on your own with this. I wont let him coddle you any more! You need to learn to take responsibility for your actions sooner rather than later. My face was on fire, and my mind reeled as I tried to think of a way to convince her that I wasnt pregnant. The only thing I could think of was to shout that I was a virgin, but that felt so humiliating. My cheeks were burning just at the thought. There was nothing else though. Shed find a way to twist anything else I said. I cant be pregnant, I forced myself to say, trying to be as calm as possible. Ive never been with a boy. She looked baffled. Really? she asked, sounding genuinely surprised. No, I said. Oh, she replied. Well, I guess you must have gotten food poisoning from that pub you wanted to go to last night. I was too embarrassed to correct her. At least she had changed the subject because talking about my love life with her was horrible. I longed to get up from the table and sprint away. Where I would go, I wasnt sure; I just wanted to leave. The urge to escape into the daydream pulled at me again, but this time, I fought to stay in reality. Mom seemed content with my answer, but I didnt trust her. She might just be waiting to throw another question at me. My phone buzzed in my pocket but I ignored it and took another bite of the scone instead. What are your plans for the day? she asked. I hesitated. Swimming or going for a run seemed like a bad idea with the giant bruise on my stomach. It would probably be smarter to take it easy for a couple of days, make sure that I was actually okay before doing anything too active. Im not sure, I said carefully. I might just read or something. I was going to go into town. Were running low on food. As much as I wanted a day alone in the house, I knew she wouldnt trust me to stay there without her. She just expected that I would go with her. That sounds good, I said, reaching out for my fantasy. 2.33 Ive been shot a few times. I was vaguely aware of the car moving around me, but I didnt pay any attention to it. We were going into town, a journey that wed done many times. There was nothing particularly fun or exciting about it, which was probably why I could feel my mind reaching out and searching for something else. Something better. There wasnt anything, not really. The spy fantasy loomed, but I wasnt drawn to it immediately. Maybe I should have been. It was appealing to me; I did want to go back to the school and learn all of the cool things that wed been told about, but, at the same time, something was holding me back. I wasnt quite sure what though. I gave my head a slight shake to clear it and reached out. The dizziness found me quickly, and suddenly, I was in the brightly lit dining room. Voices were chattering loudly, the energy electric. I felt a smile stretch over my lips as I looked around. We were midway through our meal already, and I wasnt even sure what I was eating. I glanced down at it, my eyes quickly taking it in as I speared another forkful. Some kind of pasta dish, I decided as I poked it. The pasta was a weird shape though, not one I had eaten before. It was longer than normal but not as long as spaghetti. Wider too. I took a bite, savouring the delicious tomatoey sauce that coated it perfectly. I didnt care what the dish was. It was wonderful. I continued eating with renewed enthusiasm until I felt eyes on my face. Glancing up, I met Seths gaze and a blush stained my cheeks as they started to heat up. I had been eating too fast, and now I was worried he was about to judge me for it. He was smiling, though. Surely, he wouldnt be if he was about to say something mean. The food heres really good, isnt it? he said, taking a huge mouthful of his food and letting his eyes flutter shut in exaggerated delight. I found myself laughing, feeling much more at ease. Yeah, its great. Much better than what I used to eat at home, I replied before feeling uncomfortable. I didnt like to talk about my home life. I didnt like to tell people about it or for anyone to know how bad it was. Any time it came up in conversation, I felt myself shut down. Oh, really? he asked, sounding interested. Yeah, I said awkwardly. It felt wrong to shut the conversation down like that. I wanted to keep it going and maybe even try to flirt with the cute boy who looked kind of like Duncan, but I didnt want to talk about home. I didnt really even know what Id say. My home life in this world was different to my life in the real world. A little, anyway. It was similar enough that I didnt want to talk about it. It would feel too real; Id feel too seen. Same, honestly, Seth said after the silence stretched out slightly too long. My mom works all the time, so I just cooked for myself and I am not a good chef. I mean, I can manage, but there have been some dangerous moments. Seth laughed in a self-deprecating way, and I joined in. Oh, yeah? I asked. Yeah. I mean, a nice oven pizza or basic pasta dish is fine but anything more than that? Nah, Im out of my depth. I laughed again, causing his smile to grow. Same. I can make a pretty good stir fry, though, I told him. Nice. I might get you to teach me sometime, he said. He was flirting with me, I realised. He was definitely flirting, and I wasnt sure how to respond. I was fine talking with him before; a little awkward, but mostly fine. However, now that I knew it was flirting, it felt different. I was out of my depth, unsure how to continue. Id love to, I replied, the words slipping out of my mouth before I could stop them. Seth looked down at his plate before peeking up at me, a smile playing on his lips. You dont need to, Abbie said before he could respond, causing us both to look at her in confusion. They do cooking lessons here. Both basics and survival lessons. Did neither of you see that in the folder? I glanced at Seth before looking at Abbie. No, I didnt, actually, I told her. Me either. Abbies brow furrowed. You both should read it properly. We have some time after dinner. You should read it then. Seths eyes darted towards me before returning to Abbie. Yeah, I will. So we have survival cooking lessons? Are they just what they sound like? he asked. I was glad that he asked because I wanted to know too. That sounded really interesting. I think so. If you go to the middle part of the folder, theres information about all of the different lessons and everything. I think it said for the survival cooking that wed be learning about foraging and safe preparation of food out in the wilderness. I dont think well actually be expected to go out into the woods any time soon though, Abbie said, her tone certain. Why not? Katie asked from beside me. Were in the induction period. Were not allowed to leave the wing or grounds until weve completed all of the testing and everything, Abbie explained. Well unless were discharged. Wait, discharged? Katie asked, a hint of panic edging into her tone. Yeah. If something happens during the induction or in the testing that makes them think we arent fit for actual work, well be discharged. Apparently, it doesnt really happen though, Abbie said reassuringly. They do so much research before they recruit us, so its unlikely any of us will actually be let go. Katie smiled at Abbie, but she seemed preoccupied. I wanted to say something to her to make her feel better, but I was worried too. Abbie had to be right. The Academy wouldnt recruit anyone they werent sure about; that seemed risky. Plus, I was sure that Ms Brice had said the same thing to me about how rare it was. I wasnt completely sure though. The memory felt fuzzy, distant. Grab a trolley, the order broke through my fantasy, and I blinked, faltering slightly. Looking around, I realised we were in a car park. I must have been in the daydream for the entire journey without even realising. Part of me was glad though. I knew I hadnt missed anything important. Sure, I replied to my mom, walking towards the trolley park. A gentle breeze buffeted me, and I looked around, taking a deep breath. It was a really nice day. The sun was high in the sky, and, although there was a slight breeze, it was lovely. It kept it from being too hot. A sigh slipped out of my lips. For once, I didnt mind being in reality. And then ,I returned to my mom and immediately changed my mind. Why are you taking so long? she snapped quietly so that no one would overhear. They wouldnt, even if she spoke loudly. The nearest person was halfway across the car park. I didnt bother answering her as she snatched the trolley out of my hands, leaving me standing dumbly. She marched forwards towards the shop, and I couldnt help but wonder what would happen if I didnt follow her. If I just stood there and waited for her to notice I wasnt with her, how long would it take? And, once she had realised, would she say anything? I doubted it. It seemed most likely that she would just assume I would start to follow her at some point, so she would refuse to come back for me. Or, she would try to make a point. Knowing her, shed pretend that she hadnt noticed I wasnt with her and would complete her entire shop. Id continue standing there until she got back, and then shed make some pointed comment about how she hadnt even noticed I wasnt with her. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. And that made me want to do it more. Stubbornness reared up within me, and I had to fight to keep moving. My body longed to stop, to cross my arms and wait. I could feel myself doing it in some other world. My feet were planted on the hard tarmac, and a smirk was on my face. She kept walking. She didnt even glance back at me, not until she reached the door. I saw the confusion and uncertainty cross her face, making smugness flare within me, but she just kept walking. The moment of hesitation was enough for me. A smile came over my face in real life, and I hurried after her. It wasnt worth annoying her, not in this world. The happiness I had gained annoying her in my fantasy was enough to sustain me for now. Are you okay? a voice asked, pulling me back into the fantasy. Confusion washed over me as I stared at Seth, trying to work out why he was asking me that. Had I done something weird? I didnt think so, but then Id barely paid any attention to what was happening in that world, so I might have. Umm I started, wracking my brain to try to remember what he could possibly be talking about. After earlier, he prompted me. Hows your stomach now? My hand automatically went to it, and a wince crossed my face. It hurt a lot more in this world than in reality. It doesnt feel great, I said honestly. Do you need to go to the doctor? Katie asked immediately. No, no, Im okay, I insisted. Its just kind of sore. Seth smiled at me sympathetically. Thatll happen, he said. Ive been shot a few times, and its always really badly for a few days, but it gets better. I returned his smile before confusion hit me. Hed said that hed held a gun before, hed raised his hand in class, but I didnt expect him to have been shot. I opened my mouth to ask for more information, but Abbie got there first. You were shot? she said, sounding shocked. Guns are illegal in the UK. How did that happen? Oh I Seth started to answer, but Abbie continued talking. Wait, were you wearing padding when you were shot too or have you been shot, like, for real? I looked at Seth, waiting for him to answer. He looked awkward, uncomfortable, and after a moment, he just shrugged and looked down at his food. Its a long story, was all he said. I wanted to push him and find out more, but it was clear he didnt want to talk about it. He was staring down at his plate, an unhappy look on his face. It wouldnt be right to keep asking questions. I did really want to know though. Maybe one day Id find out. Amanda? I heard a voice call, and I blinked, looking around as a woman rushed up to my mom. Sophie! she replied in the same enthusiastic tone. How are you? Its been so long! The woman hugged my mom, holding her tightly, and I just hovered awkwardly. I never really knew what to do when my mom met someone she knew and I was there too. She didnt like it when I joined in the conversation, not that I tried that often, but then it felt weird for me not to. I settled for smiling at Moms friend and then glancing back at the shelf we had stopped in front of. My eyes roamed the rows slowly as my mom started to catch up with the other person. Oh, Im good! How are you? What are you doing up here? I thought you moved to England? the friend asked. Im great! Yes, yes, we did. Were just visiting Mom and Dad. Oh, my mom said, turning to me as if she had completely forgotten that I even existed, Grace, you remember Sophie, dont you? You met it must have been ten or twelve years ago! I looked at the dark-haired woman who was smiling at me expectantly. I had never seen that person before in my life. I might have met her when I was a child, but I had no memory of it. But then, if I met her twelve years ago, I would have been essentially a toddler. I didnt remember anything from then. The way my mom was smiling at me pointedly told me that she wanted me to play along, even though I didnt want to. In another world, I could feel myself answering and telling them both that I had no recollection of the woman. My mom would hate that so much, which made it very tempting. But I couldnt do that. It wasnt worth it. Oh, yeah! I said, echoing their tones but not quite as enthusiastically. You two went to school together, right? It was a guess, a complete guess. I had been pretty sure that was right. Most of the people that Mom knew went to the same school. I think there was only one anywhere nearby, so it made sense. Sophies smile stretched even wider. We did! she confirmed. And, let me tell you, your mom had a bit of a wild streak back then. Sophies eyes glinted. Oh, come now. I wouldnt exactly call it a wild streak, my mom said, but there was something in her tone that told me she loved it. It made sense. She would have adored having people think of her as wild. She just loved knowing that people were thinking of her, even now. Sophie laughed. I would! Or have you completely forgotten when you broke into Mr Campbells office and stole the bottle of scotch he kept in there? Sophie asked. I stared at my mom. That came as a complete surprise to me. I didnt think my mom would ever do anything like that. I dont think that Id count it as breaking in, my mom said, her voice strangely cool. As I told Principle Rice, the door was unlocked. My mouth dropped open as Mom shrugged. Sophie exploded into laughter, causing people to turn around and look at us. My mom was loving it, but my head was reeling. Was my mom actually cool at some point? That sounded like something that one of the popular kids would do at school, and then everyone would talk about it forever. Shed always told stories about her exploits in school, but they were so wild, so outlandish, that I wrote them off as another exaggeration, but maybe I was wrong? I still cant believe you got away with that! Sophie cried. How did you even know the bottle was in there? My moms smile widened as she watched the way Sophie was staring at her. She was enjoying the conversation, obviously, but there was more to it. She looked like she admired my mom. I had my ways, was all my mom said. Incredible, Sophie said. But, what have you been up to recently? Ah, not a lot. Im mostly just running around after this one, my mom said, cocking her head at me with an indulgent smile that I felt I had to return. I mean, she does so many extracurriculars, but youll be applying for university before too long. We need to make sure your personal statement looks good, dont we? My mom didnt care about my personal statement, and I barely did any extracurriculars. I used to, but not anymore. It was all so that shed look good in front of her friend, and I hated it, but I did understand the appeal of the lie. Sophie had turned that awe-filled look towards me, and I felt myself stand taller. We do, I said, playing along. Hopefully, itll be enough to get me into a good university. I know the competition is tough. Oh no, really? Sophie asked sympathetically. Which university have you got your eye on? My mind went blank. I was not expecting any kind of follow-up question, and now I couldnt think of an answer. Oxford, I blurted out stupidly. I was not smart enough to go there. I knew that, and so did my mom. Sophie didnt though. Her eyes widened slightly. Wow, thats great! What do you want to study? English, I said after a pause. It was the first subject I could think of, and I wasnt sure why. I didnt particularly enjoy it, but it seemed to have worked. Sophie smiled at me again. Fantastic! Oh, yes, my mom said, saving me from having to answer any other questions. Although, the last time we spoke about it, you said you wanted to be a doctor! I guess you still have a couple of years to decide. But, enough about us. How are you? Hows everything going with Ryan? The smile slipped from Sophies face, and I glanced at my mom uncertainly. Her expression didnt change at all. It was already a careful mask of sympathy and interest. She knew something was going on there. Oh Sophie started reluctantly. Not too well, actually. My mom tutted understandingly. Ah, thats difficult! All relationships go through ups and downs, she said with a sage nod. I know Ive learnt that in my own marriage. Oh, really? Sophie asked, seeming to jump at the chance to change the subject. I watched Mom interestedly. She didnt like to admit any kind of failings, so I was intrigued to know what she was about to say. It would be a lie, most likely. Unfortunately, my mom continued, her expression almost sad. There was a learning curve with Stephen. The issue was his work ethic. He just always has to go above and beyond, which was so hard at first. I mean, he always makes an effort to spend time with us in the evenings and at the weekend, which does help. At least his new promotion should make it even easier too. Sophies smile seemed forced, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. It was both a lie and a brag. Dad did work a lot, maybe too much, but I didnt think he tried to spend that much time with us. No, maybe thats not right. I think he did, but he was always so tired from work that he couldnt do too much. Plus, I spent most of my time hiding in my room from my mom. and she always gave him a list of chores and things to do at the weekend. so we didnt get that much time together. We did sometimes though. If Dad had to go out somewhere to get something that Mom had asked him to, Id go with him. That was always so fun. A few weeks ago, we had to go out to get a new lawnmower because something was wrong with ours, and it was cutting the grass unevenly, apparently. We went out really early and got breakfast sandwiches from a van at the side of the road, and then the first store we went to didnt have the right lawnmower, so we had to go a couple of towns over to find it. It took forever to find the exact one that Mom had sent Dad a screenshot of. It took almost the whole day to find everything, and then Dad decided he wanted to get some paint for the fence. He only remember that after we left the shop where we finally found the lawnmower, so we ended up going back to the first shop. It wasnt anything particularly special. The day was just driving around and spending time together, but I loved it. I had such a good time. Oh, he got a promotion? Sophie asked. He did, my mom lied. A big one too! But enough about Stephen. What happened with you and Ryan? Sophies expression faltered again, and I saw her shoulders sag. He cheated on me, she said, her tone flat. A lot. Oh? my mom said, encouraging Sophie to continue. Yeah. Turns out hed been sleeping with some other woman for the last four years. Hes living with her now. Well, her and their two kids. Both girls. Oh no, my mom cried, touching a hand to her chest. You always wanted two girls! How dreadful! I know. But at least hell probably cheat on that sl Sophie stopped midway through the insult and glanced at me. Im sorry, Grace. This probably isnt the best conversation to have in front of you! Mom glanced at me, her expression irritated. It seemed like shed forgotten that I existed for a moment and was now annoyed that I was stopping her from being able to hear all of the juicy details of the scandal. Why dont you take the trolley, Grace? my mom asked, her tone making it clear that I couldnt say no. We still need to get some bread and some stuff for lunch. I glanced down at the half-filled trolley. We didnt need bread, the baker always delivered it to us. It was clearly just an excuse to get me to leave so that Sophie would keep talking. Oh, sure, I said. Although part of me did want to call my mom out of her lie, I did want the excuse to walk away from her and Sophie. Its not that I didnt feel bad for Sophie, I did. I just was bored of hearing my moms blatant lies. You can get yourself some snacks, but nothing too sugary. You have a dentist appointment fairly soon! she told me. I opened my mouth to reply, but my phone buzzed in my pocket, distracting me. Okay, was all I said as my mom pushed the trolley towards me. I started to wheel it away, walking quickly. The text was from either Duncan or Phoebe. If it was Phoebe, I didnt mind answering it in front of my mom, but So, how did you find out? I heard my mom ask as I reached the end of the aisle. 2.34 I mean, an accountant! It feels weird not seeing you every day. I repeated the words over and over in my head as I sat in the car again. What did they mean? Was it just what it sounded like, and Duncan missed seeing me at school or was there more to it than that? It could be just completely normal. Something a friend says to another friend. I mean, I missed seeing Phoebe. I missed seeing Duncan too, but It felt like more than that. It seemed flirtatious, romantic almost. But, I could have been just reading too much into it. I probably was. I mean, even if he meant it in a flirtatious way, it might not mean anything. He probably said that to people all the time. He was a social person; he just liked being around people. I didnt know how to respond. How was I meant to respond? Should I flirt? No, that felt wrong. What would I even say if I wanted to? I didnt flirt. I had no experience. Even if I didnt want to flirt, what could I say? I unlocked my phone again, my eyes darting up to make sure that my mom wasnt looking at me before returning to the screen. It feels weird not seeing you every day. That was a flirtatious thing to say, wasnt it? I just didnt know. I needed to ask someone else; I needed Phoebes input. I tapped on the screen, finding Phoebes last barely readable messages, before starting to type a message to her. I started it and deleted it about ten times before finally just giving up and sending it anyway. I need your help, I wrote, following it up with another message. Am I reading into this or is this you know weird? I quickly took a screenshot of Duncans message and sent that too, before deleting the picture. I didnt think my mom would demand to see my pictures, but, if she did, at least she wouldnt see that. I checked my messages once more before locking my phone and looking up. I mean, a divorce, Mom cried, her tone too amused. Can you imagine? Ryan always was out of Sophies league, but I never thought hed cheat on her. And with Alice? I winced at the name. Alice was the name I had given myself when I was with Mitch. She was the bratty persona I felt so bad using. Whos Alice? I asked quickly, trying to distract my mom just in case she had seen my reaction. Some girl seven years younger than Sophie. Its bad enough that hes leaving her, but for someone so much younger? she continued without hesitation, revealing in the gossip. I mean, I dont know how she can even leave her house! I didnt reply to that. There was no need. Plus, it didnt matter. My mom would continue talking about Sophie and enjoying her misfortune even if I didnt speak. I felt bad for Sophie. The more Mom continued, the worse I felt. She had clearly confided in my mom, which felt like a mistake. It was an understandable one though. My mom had painted the perfect picture of someone who was worried about her friend and wanted to know all the details to better support them but thats not what she was doing. I knew she was going to tell everyone every single word that Sophie had told her. My phone buzzed just as Mom laughed again. Ummmm what is this? Phoebe had texted. What is going on with you two? I dont know, I replied. Did you see the other message? Which one? Phoebe sent back immediately. I scrolled up, checking the screenshot that Id sent. It had caught the end of the text that Id meant but not the whole thing. I glanced at Mom out of the corner of my eye before quickly taking another screenshot and including the whole text that time. Date??? Phoebe sent back immediately. You two have a date scheduled??? I read the message from Duncan again. Hed used the term date when he mentioned hanging out and playing video games but Yeah but does he mean it like that though? Or am I being dumb? I mean, Duncan is a flirt, right? I sent back. The three dots immediately appeared on my screen as Phoebe started to type. Yeah, you are being dumb. Hes clearly into you!! What are you going to say back to him? Wait, are you into him? Or is he just a friend?? shed said. I didnt know how to answer her. I almost didnt want to. I hadnt actually admitted how I felt about him to anyone, not even myself, so the idea of saying it or writing it down felt terrifying. Hes one of my best friends, I said. Ive known him basically forever. Okay.? her message read. Plus, hes popular. He could date anyone. was all she typed that time. It didnt matter though. I was still typing. I needed to explain myself, to justify how I was feeling. She wasnt judging me, Phoebe never would, it was more that I felt I needed to justify it to myself. I dont think he is into me. Like, I dont think theres anything more to what hes saying, you know? I typed. Thats not what I asked she sent back. I almost dropped my phone in frustration and let out an almost silent sigh that was immediately drowned out by my moms continued ramblings. I didnt want to admit it. I didnt want to tell anyone how I felt about him; it was too scary. I stared down at my phone, my fingers twitching as I tried to work out how to answer her. She wasnt going to drop it, and I knew it. She wanted me to answer her question, even though she clearly seemed to know how I felt about him already, so there was no real point. I dont know. It was almost the truth. I didnt. Or, at least, I hadnt admitted it to myself, and I probably wouldnt. If he was into me, if he wasnt just flirting because thats how he talked, I would go from there. He could make the first move. If he did or said something that made it obvious that he liked me as more than just a friend, then Id know, and Id allow myself to actually consider how I felt about him properly. But, until then, I refused. It was the safest way. It meant he wouldnt reject me. I could just continue to be his friend and not think about it any more than that. It would be fine; Id be fine. Mkay, Phoebe replied. I think its flirty. And I think you should flirt back. Say something like you cant wait to see him again! I grimaced without meaning to before glancing at Mom to make sure that she hadnt seen. Exactly! she cried. I mean, an accountant! She clearly thought I had reacted to whatever she was talking about, and I made a vague noise of agreement so that shed think I was actually listening to her. Im not sending that, I sent back. Its too much, you know? I dont want it to be so obvious but what else can I say?? Why not? I dont think its that bad! Phoebe wrote back before adding. What do you want to say then? That was part of the issue. I just wasnt sure. I didnt want to make it clear that I was into him or saw him as anything more than a friend, which I didnt, but I also didnt want to discourage him. It didnt matter though. My deliberating was brought to an end by another message from Phoebe. I know! Why dont you say something that will make him like say more? Like, something that will make him clarify if he means it romantically or not? The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. That seemed like a good idea. It would help, at least. But I couldnt think of what to say that would do that. Yeah, that sounds good but what should I say?? I sent to Phoebe. The three dots appeared and disappeared a couple of times as I watched anxiously, trying to come up with something to say as well. She was just better at it than I was. Shed never really had a boyfriend either, except for a few short-lived romances on holidays, but she was great at flirting. She enjoyed it. I think I did too. It was difficult for me. I didnt have enough experience to actually know, but I felt like if I had the chance to do it more, Id like it. Maybe I would get the chance. If we could think of something that made it obvious that Duncan was flirting with me, then I could flirt back. Ive got it! Why dont you say something like yeah, I miss seeing everyone at school too? Then, he can just be like oh yeah, I miss school if thats what he meant or he can say something about you specifically, you know? Phoebe wrote. I nodded silently. That would work. I could definitely say something like that. Thats perfect, I typed. Let me know what he says?? she replied immediately. I found Duncans message again and read it once more, before taking a deep breath and glancing at my mom. She was still talking, somehow. Shed moved on from just talking about Sophies soon-to-be ex-husband and was now talking about her inability to have children, which made me fight to keep the glare off of my face. She was just being mean. I wasnt sure why I was surprised, exactly, but I was. Ignoring her again, I looked down at my phone. Yeah, it feels weird not going to school every day, I typed and hit send before I could chicken out. I read the message again and again, trying to work out how he would respond to it. It seemed like an innocent enough message, but what if it made him think that I wasnt into him? Panic started to build in me. Had I just made a mistake? I wasnt sure, but now I felt like I had. Maybe I should have just agreed with what he had said or something. That would have been fine. He could still read into that however he wanted, and perhaps he would have still responded how I wanted him to. The three dots popped up again, making my heart race. Duncan was typing. Impatience shot through me, and I stared at my phone as I waited anxiously to see what he would say. He was taking so long though; that wasnt normal. He normally was so quick to reply. The car jolted to a stop before his text came through, and I quickly looked up at my mom. She had finally finished talking, but luckily, she wasnt looking at me. She was focusing on removing her keys from the engine. I scrabbled to lock my phone and get out of the car, trying to look as normal as possible and not like I was panicking over a text that might come through at any second. She marched across the drive ahead of me, and I glanced at my phone once more before slipping it into my pocket. I couldnt check it around her. I didnt want her to demand to see what he had sent me again. It had happened too many times before, but this might be the first time it was something worth hiding. Right as she pushed the door open, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. My hand flew to it immediately, but I fought the urge to do anything other than touch it through my clothing. Mom turned and looked at me, her expression confused. Are you not bringing the shopping in? She hadnt asked me to, but she normally just assumed that I would do it for her. It didnt even occur to me though. I was too distracted by the text. Oh, I said, trying not to jump as my phone buzzed again. Yeah I just need to run to the bathroom first. It was a lie, but it would work. I could hide in the toilet and read the messages, then come out and help her. Irritation crossed her face. Cant you wait? she asked, but it was more of a demand. Normally, I would have done as she wanted so that she didnt get annoyed with me, but I just didnt want to. I would take five minutes, if that, to go to the bathroom and text Duncan or Phoebe back. She could wait that long. No, actually, I said with a polite smile. I think I drank too much water at breakfast. I didnt wait for her response. I just slipped my shoes off and walked past her. She didnt say anything for a few seconds before shouting down the corridor after me. Dont take too long, she warned me. Im leaving the door open, and the flies will get in. I rolled my eyes but didnt respond. She didnt have to leave the door open or wait for me, and the urge to say that was almost overpowering. She could have just taken the shopping in herself, but I knew she wouldnt. I wasnt sure why. She did it if she went shopping when I was at school, but the moment I was home, she refused. She said it was one of my chores, because I barely did anything around the house. That was stupid though. She was the one who didnt do anything. I cooked for myself almost every day, did my own washing, kept my room tidy and more. She didnt do any of that for me, and we had a cleaner who did the rest. She just went shopping. But there was no point in saying that to her. She would just get annoyed, and I couldnt be bothered to fight with her, even though it was kind of tempting. I slipped into the bathroom and locked the door behind myself before pulling the curtains across the window. I wasnt sure why the bathroom had such a big window or why it was so low, but without closing the curtain, anyone who was outside would be able to see straight into the room. It wouldnt surprise me if my mom chose to go for a walk or a cigarette, just to check and make sure I wasnt hiding anything. The faint creak of the floorboards came from outside the door, and I hurried to sit on the toilet as I pulled my phone out. There were two messages, one from Phoebe asking for an update, and the other was from Duncan. It was a short message and one that didnt help clarify anything. I took another screenshot and sent it to Phoebe. I finished using the toilet and washed my hands, whilst waiting for her response. Yeah, that too???? shed sent, copying his message. What does that mean?? No clue, I replied. So he misses school as well?? As well as what though? You, I think?? she said. I bit my lip. Was that what he meant? Because that felt like it was definitely romantic. Could I ask him about that? I wanted to see him say it, not to hint at it. But then, that didnt feel like flirting. It was too direct. I dont know, what should I say? I sent back. Just send back that too? and see what he says! Phoebe encouraged. A frown came over my face as I read her text. It didnt seem that bad, not really. It could kind of be seen as flirting, I thought. He could still play it off as a joke or explain that he meant something else. Urgh, I guess but I hate this, I sent her. Why dont people just say what they mean?? I didnt wait for her response. I couldnt. Id been in the bathroom too long, and my mom would be getting even more suspicious of me than she already was. I clicked over to Duncans message again and typed the response that Phoebe had suggested. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach as I put my phone into my pocket again and unlocked the bathroom door. A soft patter of footsteps sounded, probably my mom running into the kitchen so that she could pretend she wasnt trying to eavesdrop on me, but I ignored it and walked towards the front door. I barely paid any attention to what I was doing as I left the house and began picking up the bags of shopping, focusing on the feeling of my phone in my pocket and just waiting for it to buzz again. Wed bought too much; Id need to make two trips, I realised as I lifted as many bags as I could carry out of the boot and started walking towards the house again. I was halfway there when my phone buzzed, but I knew I couldnt stop. Id need to drop everything in the kitchen by the fridge before I could go back out to the car and check my phone again. My mom was sitting at the table when I reached the kitchen, pretending to read her book. She didnt even look up at me as I crossed the room and dropped the bags on the floor by the fridge before turning and leaving again. My heart raced as I hurried back to the car, making sure that I was hidden by the boot before grabbing my phone. It slipped in my sweat-slicked hands, but I unlocked it quickly and stared at Duncans message. My mouth fell open as I read the message again. Yeah, hed said. I miss you. I hadnt expected that. It felt so forwards and unlike him. That realisation made me hesitate. Maybe it wasnt him. One of his friends could have stolen his phone and was texting me as a joke. Suspicion started to prickle in me. What could I do about that? I didnt want to say that I missed him too, only for it to be a joke and then Duncan to feel bad about my response. Ahaha is this Sam? I sent back quickly, immediately feeling bad. If it wasnt him, was it a mean thing to say? No! came his response. Its me! I hesitated again. The texts read like his normally did, but I wasnt sure. They did feel a little off. It could be someone else. I started to type a reply before deleting it again and pausing, trying to work out how to be sure. I promise, he added. Want me to prove it to you or something? Part of me wanted to just believe him, but I didnt trust his friends. They were all nice enough, but some could be mean sometimes. He called them out on it when he saw it, but I just wasnt sure. Sure, I wrote, trying to convince myself that it was an okay thing to say. It was still flirty, kind of. Okay, how? was his immediate response. I bit my lip again. I hadnt thought that far ahead, and now I was stumped. How would anyone prove it? I dont know, I typed. Send me a picture or something? As soon as I hit send, I realised that the message could be read badly. It sounded kind of like I was asking for a picture of I mean, Ill be honest. I havent bothered to put a shirt on yet, his message read. I felt my face flush and started to type Oh, dont worry then, but the picture came through before I could send it. Or maybe Id hesitated for a little too long before hitting send, just to see what would happen. I swallowed and glanced around to make sure my mom hadnt snuck out or was watching me through the windows, but they were empty. I clicked on the picture and bit my lip. He was sitting on the sofa, his PlayStation controller on his lap, and, like hed said, he was topless. And he looked good. I dont know how long I stood there, staring at the photo, but another text from him came through. Did that help? he asked. If not, I can always go hunt down some paper to make a sign like the hostage had in that weird game we played. I snorted softly at his message, remembering the video game immediately. That had been weird. But the picture seemed like it had just been taken. I recognised his den, and sunlight was creeping in around the curtains that he hadnt opened. It wasnt a trick. I was almost certain. Oh ha ha. No, you dont need to do that, I sent back and hesitated before typing, I miss you too. 2.35 It was going to be a good day. I blinked again, trying to focus my eyes on the book in front of me. It was a new one, a last-minute purchase that I thought Id love, but I just couldnt get into it. I was too distracted, and I knew that was the problem. A smile came across my face as I picked up my phone again, my eyes scanning the last message from Duncan. Ill see you when you get back? hed said. Sure :), had been my reply. He hadnt responded. Was the smiley face too much? It was the kind of thing that a loser would use. Duncan never used emojis or smileys or anything like that. It was probably just stupid enough to make him change his mind and regret ever texting me. Or, he was busy and my message didnt warrant a reply. It didnt, not really. I was just anxious and overthinking things. It all felt so new to me. I wasnt used to texting people, especially Duncan, like that. Phoebe thought Id done well, though. She was convinced that not only was he flirting, but he was also into me. I locked my phone again and stared down at the book. I should be into it. A month or so ago, I was certain I would have devoured it and then immediately bought or downloaded the rest of the series, but it was different now. Everything felt different now. I glanced up at my bedroom door, listening to see if my mom was nearby or still in the kitchen. I couldnt hear anything. With a grin, I reached out for the familiar dizziness, opening my eyes into my other world. It was dark. I was lying in the dark. All of the lights were off and I was in bed. Memories revealed themselves to me hazily. Wed finished eating, gone back to our room and chatted for a bit before getting ready to sleep. Id gone for a shower, spotted the scarily dark bruise on my stomach and panicked, before just deciding to go to bed. I would ask to speak to the doctor in the morning if it still hurt me then. The pain was pretty bad, even in the fantasy though. I dropped my conditioner when I was in the shower, and bending down to retrieve it made a shooting ache grip my stomach. It felt like someone had stabbed me. I couldnt catch my breath for a few seconds; it was terrifying. If I could, I think I would have shouted out for Abbie or Katie to call the doctor immediately. It disappeared before too long though, returning to the steady throbbing that I still felt as I lay in bed. Was it stupid not to go to the doctor about it? I truly wasnt sure. I wanted to, I was scared that something was damaged, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. They might think I was being ridiculous. That I couldnt handle a little bit of pain and would go running to a doctor any time I so much as stubbed my toe. No. That wasnt right. I was training to be a spy. I needed to get used to pain and being injured because I knew they wouldnt take it easy on us at the Academy. They already told us that much. Rodgers had warned us that injuries were common and learning to deal with them well was a good skill to have. But what did that mean? Was I meant to learn to ignore it and pretend that it wasnt an issue? Or actually seeking medical advice when it was needed. I wasnt sure, but I wasnt willing to risk it. Pressing a hand against my stomach, I rolled over. It was weird sharing a room with other people. Id had sleepovers with Phoebe before, but having two people in the same room as me felt different. It might have just been that I wasnt used to it, and I was used to Phoebe. Whatever it was, it meant that I couldnt sleep. I should have been able to; I was exhausted. Sleep just wasnt coming for me like it usually did. Well I normally struggled to sleep in real life. And in that world too. But, with how tired I was, it should have been easier. Irritation washed through me, and I returned to reality. I didnt want to stay in that world and spend all night being annoyed about the fact I couldnt sleep. Staying in reality would be better than that. I let out an irritated sigh and looked down at my book again. I must have turned the page since the last time I paid attention to it because I had no idea what was happening. I didnt even know who the character the main character was talking to was. His name was stupid though. What kind of a name was Tristophen? That wasnt a name. I dropped the book, giving up on it. I didnt like giving up on books. Before, even if they didnt grip me, I still tried to finish them. The one in my lap felt like a lost cause though. It didnt appeal to me at all, despite hearing people talk about how great it was online. Maybe I just needed to try another book. Or perhaps that wasnt the issue. Reading on the whole hadnt been appealing to me for a little while, and I wasnt sure why. Actually, once I started thinking about it, I realised the reason was obvious. How could I just sit there and read about people doing wild and fun-sounding things like having superpowers or somehow marrying royalty, despite being poor and knowing nothing about the royal family? Even with the book Id given up on, it just felt wrong. I was reading about some girl who lived in an awesome and futuristic world but complained about the most mundane things. It all just felt so flat. I didnt want to be reading; I wanted to be out there actually getting to experience it myself. I longed to be living the life that the girl in my book was. No. I wanted better. I wanted more. I felt my lips stretch into an even bigger smile than before. I could do that. I could just slip into that world and do whatever I wanted there. Letting my eyes flutter shut, I began to search. It was hard to know exactly what I was searching for; I wasnt sure that I knew. There was a specific dizziness. A specific sensation that would be right. Id recognise it when I felt it. Worlds pulled at me, vying for my attention, but I ignored them. They werent it. They werent the world I was looking for. Some felt familiar, even if I didnt know what they were. I just felt like Id been there before. Finally, I found it. There was a world, a dizziness, that was sharp and demanding. There was an almost metallic edge to it that I could taste. That was the right world. I slipped into it, ignoring the nausea that pulled at my stomach, keeping my eyes shut for a moment longer. Red letters flashed across my vision, even with my eyes closed. MAKE IT NATURAL, the letters said, and I wasnt quite sure what they meant at first. Then, the urge to roll my eyes came over me. I couldnt though, so I settled for just rolling over in my bed. The soft bedding was so perfectly warm, and I didnt want to wake up and face the cameras so soon. I wanted to go back to my dreamless sleep, where I didnt need to feel anything or perform for anyone. But it wasnt right. It was seven minutes past nine, the correct time to wake up to optimise views. People will have just gotten to work or school and settled in for the day. The screens would be on, and theyd be searching for something to watch. Even if I didnt want to wake up, the producers made the decision for me. My opening music started blasting through my speakers, causing a smile to come to my lips. I was facing the wall; it was fine. I could allow myself a few seconds to enjoy the music Id heard every morning for the last two months. It was so much better than the last track theyd made for me. That one was jarring, not right at all and horrible for stats. I begged the producers to commission a new one, pointing out the fact that my numbers showed people waited until I was already up to tune in. It was intentional, I knew it. And I was right. With the new music, people had gone back to waiting for me to wake up. Right as I lay in bed, listening to the pop-y music, my sleeping form was being streamed on thousands of screens. I waited a moment longer, watching the counter at the corner of my vision jump upwards, before forcing a sleepy look onto my face and rolling over. Blinking slowly, I sat up. The lights brightened immediately, blinding me. It hadnt been particularly dark in the room before, of course. There was no way it could be. The viewers needed to be able to see me, and we couldnt exactly use night vision. They tried that before. Viewers didnt like it. I wasnt sure what the focus groups said about it exactly, but it was bad enough that the idea was scrapped immediately. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! I smiled drowsily and lifted my hands to my face to rub my eyes. The implants glitched, flickering for a moment before going back to normal. I hated it when they did that. It happened every time, but it was what I had to do. When I first came to the City four years ago, I wasnt used to the lights. They were blinding and hurt my eyes. Every morning, Id rub them until they adjusted to the light. People thought it was cute. They thought I was just sleepy, which played well on the merch apparently, so now I had to do it every morning. It was what my audience expected of me. I stopped rubbing my eyes and lifted my hands above my head, stretching and feeling my crop top ride up. The urge to pull it down and cover my stomach came over me, but I immediately dismissed it. I was sixteen. It was appropriate for me to accidentally flash some of my stomach. Then, like every morning for the last year, I looked straight into the drone lens that had flown close to my face for that very purpose. Good morning, I said with a smile. No one responded, of course. Or, at least, I didnt hear them respond. Apparently, some people liked to though. The producers said it became a thing, and the viewers liked it. It made it seem like I was talking to them directly, like I was their friend. That was good. People liked friendly. It wasnt quite enough to push me into the top forty streamees, but I was top fifty. That was good enough for now. Climbing out of bed, I faked a wide yawn. Wow, I was out like a light, I said loudly enough for the cameras to pick it up but not so loudly that it would seem like I was doing that intentionally. I had the weirdest dream too. I got into a fight with some guy on a floating bouncy castle Thats got to mean something. Good. That was good. It was just weird enough that people would be talking about it and probably making some jokes but not unusual enough for people to be worried about me in any way. A fight was a risky decision though. Viewers didnt always like violence. I needed to turn it somehow, make it more of a funny thing than an alarming thing. He was kind of cute, I mused as I walked towards the bathroom. But the chicken wing fingers were a deal breaker for me. There. That would do it. I had no idea where that thought had come from, but people would talk about my weird chicken wing finger-related dream, and theyd gloss over the fight. Actually maybe the producers could work with that. They could do some kind of advertisement with an overly dramatic chicken wing finger couple arguing or something? I wasnt sure, but I grabbed my contact card from the top of the toilet and began typing a quick message as I peed. I couldnt take too long. They couldnt show me using the toilet before I got to eighteen, thankfully, and even then, they might not want to. I wasnt sure how they wanted to portray me after that. I hoped that theyd go for a more wholesome persona. One where they limited any nudity and didnt show my showering or using the toilet. It just felt horrible. But then it got views and clicks. I knew it did, even if I didnt like it. I had a couple of years to wait until then. I could try and cultivate it now, though. I was already fairly innocent. Id kissed a couple of boys, but that was it. They hadnt let me go any further, so I assumed that was their plan for me. I hoped to was, but Id find out at some point. I was due a medical exam soon enough, so Id get a production meeting then, I thought as I checked my calendar on the contact card. It was a sparse thing. Used only off camera, it was only meant for messaging the production team and alerting me to any scheduled appointments or emergencies. There were none coming up there. Not for a few weeks, at least. That was fine. I could wait. I finished using the toilet and stood up, walking towards the sink and vanity, which had a camera hidden inside. I ignored it as I washed my hands and grabbed my toothbrush. It wasnt until I started brushing my teeth that I looked at it. The camera was slightly above my eye line. I think they expected me to grow more, so I had to tilt my chin up to be able to stare directly into it. Not everyone did that. Most people chose to ignore it completely, but I preferred not to for some reason. It made me stand out more, I liked to think. Spitting out my toothpaste and splashing water on my face quickly, I straightened up again and looked at my reflection before sticking my tongue out in mock disgust. My hair looks horrible, I said as I ran my fingers through it, knowing the comments would be flooded with people arguing both sides immediately. I should dye it or something maybe a nice pale blue or pink. A green light flashed at the corner of my vision, denoting the producers approval, before a poll went up. The viewers werent meant to know that I could read the question Should Grace dye her hair?, but I had to fight not to grin. Votes were pouring in already, each one costing people credits. Credits they were spending on me. Good. That would help my placement on the tables. That was the one thing I did well. I could make a poll out of pretty much anything. It was great; it meant I didnt need to rely on cheap sponsorship deals like so many other streamees did. That would be so embarrassing. I saw the more obvious ones all the time around the City. There was some girl I saw just last week who literally wore a jacket with some energy drink logo plastered all over it. She tried to play it off like it was intentional, like it was a fashion choice, but I saw right through her. She was placed in the eighties anyway. An embarrassment. Not dyeing my hair won the poll, and I cocked my head to the side, pretending to reevaluate my appearance. Nah, it looks good as it is. But, maybe Ill get a perm or something, I announced before turning away from the mirror and grinning as another poll went up. I was allowed to smile at that. It made it look like Id decided to accept my hair colour rather than because I was reacting to the poll and the flashing approval light. Theyd vote no anyway. They seemed to not like changing my hair. In the four years that Id lived in the City, theyd only voted to change it twice, and both times were before I hit sub one hundred. Neither were particularly bad, but I liked it how it was. Mostly. Sometimes I couldnt help but look at Dina, who dyed her hair once a week, and be jealous. But she was top thirty. That made a difference. And part of her brand was impulsiveness. She loved dyeing her hair and getting the transport drones to fly to the highest point in the City, right up near the roof, and she bungeed out. It was awesome and terrifying. Bungees werent mainstream then. No one expected her to do it. I wish I had gotten there first. It would have catapulted me up the ranks. I stopped in front of my full-length mirror and tapped it softly. Wakey, wakey, I said to it. Time to choose my outfit for the day. It looks like a nice day out. Maybe Ill wear a dress. I really wanted them to choose a dress. The controllers had chosen to make today bright and hot. It would have been horrible in anything else, and I wasnt a high enough rank to have an aircon drone. That was a top twenty perk. But Id get there one day. I still had four years in the City, maybe more if my parents renewed my contract again. I had plenty of time to get to the top twenties. That would be great. I would be able to retire rather than having to go to remedial school or college to catch up on everything I missed from not having classes in the City. I wouldnt need to get a job; Id be able to live off of the royalties forever. Or maybe Id become a consultant or a producer. Id heard rumours that people did that once they fulfilled their contracts and had to leave. They still got to work in the field rather than in one of the horrible dead-end jobs that everyone else in this world had. A shudder went through me in both worlds, but I hid it. I didnt want that. I didnt want to have to grow up and leave the City. The idea of it scared me more than Id ever be able to put into words. I longed for the freedom of it, of course, but that was nothing more than a passing whim. Well, it was a bit stronger than that. It wasnt strong enough to make me do anything about it, though. I wanted to stay in the safe, predictable reality Id been thrust into for as long as possible. Plus, Id heard horror stories about the real world, the one outside the City. I didnt remember much about it, but Id heard people talking about how bad it was. Streamees were often given a security detail when they left. Top fifties, like me, had them for at least a year. People got weird, Id been warned. They had their favourite streamee, and they were used to being able to see them all the time. They felt entitled to that privilege. The mirror dinged loudly as people finished voting on what I was to wear. I always liked that part when I was a kid. I remembered that much. It was like getting to dress up a doll or something, but better because I could choose anything for them to wear, and then people got to vote on the options submitted. The favourite, and the one the producers approved of, would be worn by the streamee all day. Unless it was really that bad, and then there was usually a way to get out of it. One of the girls in the fifties showed me. Shed been given some horribly revealing dress like a year ago, but she was just so clumsy and managed to spill her drink all over it, so she had to change. People got to vote again though, so they werent even mad. The girl had met my gaze and winked at me. That opened so many opportunities up for me. It gave me a small amount of freedom, of choice, and I clung to it. A light pink dress was thrust towards me, and I clapped in delight as I examined it. It was perfect. Light and fitted enough for people to stare but not so tight that I felt like I was on display or would garner the wrong type of attention. The colour felt intentional too. I could use that. Oh, I love this shade. I guess now I dont need to dye my hair that colour! I said, hoping that was the reason the viewer picked it for me. I clutched the dress against my body, keeping the smile on my face as I stared at my reflection. After a brief pause, the green light reappeared, accompanied by a comment. I was right, and the viewer seemed thrilled. It was going to be a good day. 2.36 I wonder what today holds. I heard footsteps creeping up the stairs, even though I knew my mom was trying to be quiet. She grew up in the house; she should have known which steps to avoid. Still, I was glad. I shook my head, trying to clear some of the lingering dizziness that accompanied me as I returned to reality and stared down at my book. Id been too absorbed by the new world. I hadnt even turned a page in The light at the corner of my vision started flashing again, and my be right back music began to play from the speakers hidden in my room. I knew that the viewers would be shown a cute little animation of me struggling to pull a jumper over my head as I rushed to strip and drop my pyjamas into the chute in the wall. It wasnt particularly fancy or interesting, unlike the rest of my room, but that didnt matter. The audience would never see it. Unless things changed when I got to eighteen. The producers would be prepared, though. Theyd fix it before that happened. But it didnt really matter. I didnt plan on being in the flat for that long. If I worked hard, if I kept climbing, I could be top twenty by then, and Id be moved. That would be great. Are you just going to sit around and read all day? a snide voice asked. I didnt bother leaving the fantasy fully. Pulling back just enough to be able to see my mom whilst also rushing to get dressed, I glanced up at her. Yep, thats the plan. She looked startled but covered it quickly. Youre not going to go for a run or a swim? Her tone told me there was a correct answer, but I didnt care. I barely even felt any anxiety. She would be annoyed at me, I was certain, however it wasnt really bothering me. No, I dont think so. There was a pause and, in the other world, I quickly checked my reflection. The dress fit perfectly, of course, but it was strange to see. I hadnt really looked at myself properly before; Id been too distracted by trying to work out to respond to act in the best way for the audience, but now I had the chance to. It was disconcerting. I looked fairly similar to how I did in reality, but there were a few differences. I was thinner, that was for sure, and older too. Somehow, in that world, I was sixteen, not fifteen. That accounted for some of the difference, I realised as I continued to scan my reflection. My collarbones jutted out a little too sharply, and my face was slightly less round. That wasnt the only difference to my face, though. My eyes looked different. They were bigger somehow. It might have been makeup, my eyelashes were so long they had to be fake, but they definitely looked bigger. My lips too. They were just a little more plump. I stretched them up into a smile, feeling uneasy. They were definitely bigger. And my teeth. They were so white and perfectly straight. It was alarming to see, but part of my mind longed to look that way in real life. Why did I look so different? Flashes of memories crashed into me. Surgery. Id had surgery, braces too. Ever since I got to the City, the producers had been tweaking my appearance. I had braces to wear at night, invisible ones that I was only allowed to put in at a specific time when the stream looped, and I was hidden from the audience for a little. The surgery was the worst part, though. The me in the fantasy didnt care about it, not really. Id come to terms with it. I didnt like it though. I had no choice in what they did to my face and body, not really. I was just brought in for a medical appointment, hidden from the audience. My stream would play recaps and clips whilst producers met with doctors and discussed what to do with me. I just had to sit there, nothing more than a doll for them to play with. The audience had to know, didnt they? They had to notice every time one of us disappeared for an emergency medical procedure and came back with a slightly different face. There was always an excuse though, and the world was so advanced that the audience never saw any swelling or bruising. Maybe they didnt know. My mom sighed heavily, and dizziness washed over me as I looked up at her. She looked irritated, annoyed that I didnt immediately apologise and agree to do whatever she wanted, but that just aggravated me. There was nothing wrong with sitting in bed all day and reading a book. Id been doing so much since we got to Scotland. Id gone for a run or a swim every day, for hours normally. That was so much more than what she had been doing. Fine, she said, her tone dismissive. Well, at least sit up straight. Youre going to get a hunchback if you continue like that. I shot her a flat look, not even bothering to reply, before letting the dizziness take me again as she turned and marched out of my room. There was a brief flutter of panic in my stomach. A moment of fear as to how Id spoken to her and treated her. It didnt feel normal; it didnt feel like me. But it was. I just felt stronger, more confident. That worried me. I didnt have long to think about it though. I was already dressed and halfway through tying my hair back into a high ponytail. It was terrible for my hair, and I knew it. Wearing my hair like that every day could lead to hair loss and thinning in certain areas, but I had to. The camera needed to be able to capture my face properly. If I had my hair down, it would be hidden. The drones and cameras would need to work harder, and then the audience might miss things. It was so much better for views to have it pulled back. Once I left the City, once my contract had been fulfilled, Id wear my hair down every day, I decided as I reached up in real life to pull the hair tie out of my hair. It probably wouldnt impact anything, wearing the same hairstyle in another world, but I didnt want to risk it. I needed to look perfect; I needed to be perfect. It was the only way. I tugged at my dress, a slight frown forming on my face for a brief second before I forced it aside. Frowning led to wrinkles, and wrinkles meant more surgery. Plus, the audience didnt like it when I frowned too much. That wasnt my character. It wasnt my persona. I was happy and bubbly, entertaining to watch. That thought made me almost snort. Of all the terms I would have used to describe myself, happy and bubbly would be near the bottom of the list. Especially in my real life. But maybe I was in the other world. Perhaps being removed from my parents and allowed to grow up without them made it easier for me to be happy. Or maybe it was all just an act. I wasnt sure, and I didnt think the me from the streamee world would have known either. A drone buzzed closer to me as I glanced up at the mirror again, scrutinising my appearance, and the countdown started to flash at the edge of my vision. Letting out a deep breath, I pushed a smile onto my face. I needed to be smiling when the cameras came back to me, but it had to look natural, not forced. I could do that; Id been doing it for years already, after all. By the time the countdown reached two, I was ready. I stared down at my body, fiddling with my skirt as if not sure how much I liked it. I needed to be in motion for when the cameras started filming me again. The audience had to feel like they didnt miss anything, like I wasnt waiting for them to come back. It would break the immersion and make it harder to be invested. They might think the stream was too edited, too scripted, and no one liked that. A red light, no bigger than a dot, flashed twice, warning me that I was back. I didnt look up. Keeping my eyes fixed on my skirt for a few seconds longer, I let out a sigh before glancing at my reflection in the mirror. Indecision crossed my face, the emotion obvious and clear. That was one thing Id learnt over the last four years in the City. I could lack confidence and struggle with things. The audience liked it when I had flaws or fears. It made me seem more human, more real, and that made them more invested. It was a fine line though. No one wanted to watch someone who was too flawed, unless it was entertaining, or too full of fear, unless they were tortured by the producers and constantly thrust into situations that terrified them. But even so, they were fleeting, and I didnt want that. A flawed, self-destructive streamee was fun to watch for a time, but people stopped caring. The stakes had to be continuously raised until there was nowhere else to go. It only ended one of two ways for them. Either they couldnt keep up and fell into obscurity, their contracts being terminated early, or they died. A stunt gone wrong, fuelled by desperation. Sometimes they knew the end was coming. That there was no way theyd be able to survive whatever they and the producers had devised, but it didnt matter. It was the only way. Who wants to be unknown? Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. I didnt. Not even in reality. But in the other world, that desire was so much stronger. It was less of a fleeting thought and more of a desperate need to be known. I had to have people talking about me, watching me. It was my life. It was all I knew. If people stopped caring, if my numbers dropped, what would I do? Id been quiet for too long. Id just been staring at myself since the stream came back, and that wasnt okay. I needed to Beautiful, I breathed, my smile growing slightly bigger. This is such a pretty dress. I allowed myself another couple of seconds to smile at my reflection before turning and walking out of my bedroom. The door opened automatically for me, like it did every morning, and the view on the other side took my breath away. My apartment was huge. That was the first thing I realised. There was no way I could miss it. It was open plan, so there were no walls blocking anything from view, just a giant room. Soft background music played over the speakers as I padded across the wooden floors, trying to keep the look of pure wonder from my face. I couldnt manage it though, and I knew that. The City just looked so incredible. That was the only word that accurately captured it. The floor to ceiling windows gave me a panoramic view of the world, and I drank it in. The City was huge. Three tall glass skyscrapers reached up towards the perfectly blue ceiling around mine. My flat was near the top, a perk that I had gained from my ranking. Top fifty got to live in giant, fully automated apartments, but that wasnt enough for me. Top ten was my goal. That would be perfect. Then, not only would I get an even bigger flat, but Id also have a house out in the Country. A huge sprawling mansion, perfectly designed for pool parties, festivals and more. I could stay there forever, if I wanted. Id never have to set foot in the City again; people would come to me. That would be wonderful. But then Id miss out on too much. There were things I could only do in the City, I assumed. The Country was too spaced out, too sparse. People would get bored of watching me there. I assumed. Id never actually been to the Country, not properly. Id ridden through it on a hover car Id stolen a couple of years back. That stunt was enough to bump me up four ranks, and, even though Id been terrified the whole time, it was worth it. But I couldnt exactly do it again. I needed more. There had to be something that would work, something that would bump me up just enough to be noticed. Pushing the thought aside, I focused on the City again. The smart windows made it easy. They zoomed in on the street below, reacting to my thought. I smiled softly as I watched people milling around, pointedly ignoring the maintenance workers who rushed past. That was weird. They werent usually seen on the surface. Normally, they used the service corridors beneath the City to ensure the audience never had to see them. The producers liked to project an image of perfection for the City. It made it easier for them to recruit new talent. Despite the wonder outside my window, I longed to turn away from it. I was bored, and my stomach was rumbling, demanding food. I forced myself to stay still though. I knew that the audience were being treated to a wide pan of the City; I could see the drone hovering outside my window to get a good shot. The audience would like that. They didnt get to see such a lingering view of the enclosed world I lived in often. By the time most people started watching us, wed become used to the incredible sights and instead were fixated on being entertaining, doing something eye-catching. I could do both. I could give the audience what they wanted, a balance of excitement and relaxation. It would be soothing for them. Either that or it would make them jealous of me, and theyd grow bored. Vindictive. Id seen the comments online. People hated that some of us were chosen to live in the isolated paradise of the City, but they werent. Thats what it always came down to. They couldnt get recruited, no matter how hard they tried. Countless auditions, countless applications, with nothing to show for it. But then, there we were. The perfect embodiment of everything they wanted but couldnt have. A light flashed in my vision. The producers wanted me to talk, they wanted me to interact with the viewers. Oh, I said, but it was more of a sigh. What a beautiful day. I raised one hand to the window, touching the glass lightly as a wistful look crossed my face. Perfect. That would work. My viewers would sigh too, as the camera cut to another shot of the City, and theyd imagine they were living here too. Hopefully, I sounded grateful enough for them not to hate me for it. The dress was definitely a good idea, I said, subtly praising my audience in the hopes that it made them like me more. It usually did. It looks so hot out there today! It did. The producers had made the sky spotless, and the artificial sun beamed down on the City. Hopefully, it wouldnt be too hot though. That happened occasionally, and I wasnt sure why. A conscious decision sometimes, but not always. The world outside the City had inconsistent temperatures too, I remembered that. There were heatwaves. Weeks, months even, with no rain and no break in the merciless sunlight. It might have changed though. Maybe theyd managed to get it back under control, like it used to be. I wasnt sure, but there was no way for me to find out. We werent allowed to hear news of the outside world. The producers said it would make us distracted or depressed, and that would interfere with our purpose. We had been hired, chosen, to be entertainment. We were there to distract others, and we couldnt do that if we were miserable and obsessed with whatever else was going on. Sometimes, although Id never admit it, I hated it. It made me feel isolated and trapped, even though there were thousands of others in the City with me. I couldnt talk to them about it, the producers would cut our feed if I even tried, and then Id lose viewers. Whoever Id been speaking to would hate me because they would too. It wasnt worth the risk. I swallowed and glanced at the ceiling of the City again as claustrophobia started to build within me. There was nothing I could do about it. I couldnt leave the City, no matter what. I wouldnt be allowed out until my contract finished in four more years. Unless my parents agree to extend my contract again. Maybe that would happen. Id find out at some point. Finally content that Id let the audience stare at the City for long enough, I turned away from the window. Im so hungry, I said as I started to walk towards my fridge, moving slowly to give the producers enough time to throw up a poll. I stopped in front of the glass-fronted machine I called a fridge. It wasnt one, not really. It was little more than a vending machine that dispensed whatever the viewers decided I should eat at any given moment and ignored me the rest of the time. Id made that mistake before, when I first moved. I was starving one night when the cameras looped and gave me some privacy. My viewers had voted for me to have just a small salad for dinner, and I was so hungry I couldnt sleep. I tried to open the fridge, to order something to stop my stomach from aching, but it didnt respond. Later, the producers told me they would have let it if I had gone more than a few days without hitting my minimum caloric intake, but it made me uneasy. I didnt trust them. But then, it was good, in a way. It gave the audience more control, and they always liked that. Some of that was down to my latest production team, I grudgingly admitted. Id been allocated a new one when I became solidly in the top fifties, and they knew how to work the audience better. The constant polls were a little hard to get used to at first, though. They meant I had less control over what I did, but also, polls got clicks. The audience were more engaged when they were voting more, and each vote cost credits meaning there would be more money waiting for me when I left the City. My parents got some of it, of course, but I still got some. The dark fridge door brightened, and an image appeared. Oh, I said, clapping my hands together. Fruit salad! Delicious. I forced as much enthusiasm as I could into my voice, but it was hard. The audience voted for me to have a boring option for breakfast most days. There were better ones in the poll, I knew that. Before, when I had control, I could choose pancakes, chocolate chip waffles, a fried breakfast and more. But not any more. My stomach let out a loud grumble, lamenting the inability to eat those dishes, and I giggled. I really am hungry! I took the wooden bowl from the dispenser along with my drink and hopped onto one of the bar stools. My feet kicked back and forth as I took a sip of the orange-coloured water, pretending to savour the non-existent taste. The audience had clearly ordered orange juice for me, but I couldnt have it. There was something about the juice they served us in the City. My body didnt agree with it. The doctors thought it might have been triggered by my medication because it happened just after the dose was upped. I felt fine at first, but the reaction had been so bad that the producers had to interfere. They actually sent a doctor to my flat to treat me because the audience were scared. A hideous rash had started to overtake my face. I couldnt feel it, thankfully, but I almost screamed when I saw my reflection. It had a weird impact on my views. Some people turned off immediately, not wanting to see the unsightly state of my face, but they checked in often. Id have spikes. People would click onto my channel to see how I was doing, to make sure I was still alive, but they couldnt look at my swollen oozing face for long. The spike in views after that was good though. Once I was recovered enough to look normal, the audience tuned in religiously. Viewers love a good medical emergency. I should have another one at some point. It might bump me into the top forty. I mulled the idea over briefly before pushing it aside. No. I couldnt stage one. That would make it feel flat, I decided as I took another sip of the water before hesitating and glancing at it. Id completely glossed over the realisation that there was medication in my drink. It felt so normal, so mundane, but it made me uncomfortable. What medication was I on? I didnt take any in real life, but should I have been? Pushing the thought aside, I took another sip and stared thoughtfully into space. I wonder what today holds. 2.37 Both worlds appealed to me. I checked the weather forecast one last time before walking out the front door of my apartment. The viewers had chosen for me to a party, a secret rooftop thing that I didnt even know about until it had been selected and the invite appeared on my television screen. I was excited, of course. It was a huge deal, from what I could see. So many higher-ranked streamees were expected to be there; the producers had already warned me. It had flashed up in the corner of my vision as I ate breakfast. It would be a fantastic chance to meet them, get to know them and maybe even get some new viewers. That would be good. It might help bump my ranking up. But, theyd chosen for me to walk there rather than get a hover car from my balcony. It was my fault, I was almost certain of it. Id given them a glimpse of the City earlier, and now they wanted more. They wanted more than just a look. The viewers longed to know what it felt like to walk through the City, to see the giant glass buildings, the parks and all of the other streamees who wandered around talking to drones and handheld cameras, if their level was that low. But it was hot outside, and that was a problem. I couldnt show up to the party sweaty and red-faced. None of the higher-ranked streamees would want to show me on their streams. I would look a mess. That was fine though. I could walk slowly, make sure not to let myself get too unkempt. Plus, it would give the viewers more of a chance to see the City. The drones could do some wide shots, some overheads maybe? That would be good. Give the audience what they want. Thats what the producers drilled into us time and time again, and I could do just that. I let a smile come to my face as the elevator buzzed softly. The doors closed gently, making sure not to hit the drones, before gradually sinking lower in the building. It was too quiet in the lift. There was no one else there to make small talk with, so I found myself humming. That was good. I could come off as cute and happy. The viewers would like that; it fitted with my persona. The lift moved so slowly. Too slowly. It was painful. I wasnt sure how high up my apartment was, I couldnt recall that, but it felt like the journey took forever. Impatience built within me, but I would never let it show on my face. Not that I would really know if it was. One of my drones was shooting me from the back corner of the lift, taking advantage of it being empty. Normally, if there were too many people in the lift or the drones were just shooting from the front, the elevator doors would become mirrors. It was intentional, another thing that the producers controlled. They liked there to be as many mirrors as possible around the City. We should always know what we looked like so we could be aware of the image we were projecting to the viewers, but the drones couldnt be caught on stream. That would break the immersion. Of course, it was slightly different when there was a big group of people, like at the party I was on my way to. The drones and cameras would try to stay out of the way as much as possible, but the audience knew theyd be there. They didnt mind them too much. I wasnt sure why it was so different when it was a smaller group or just me. Maybe it was because when there were fewer people there, it felt more intimate. Just the viewer and the streamee. In a big group, the viewer felt like just another person there. They didnt mind cameras in that situation because they expected it, in a way? I wasnt sure what it was exactly, but that didnt matter. It wasnt my job to know about those kinds of things. That came down to the producers. After what felt like an eternity, the elevator doors opened. I emerged into the foyer. Fighting to keep the look of wonder from my face, I looked around. It was beautiful. The open plan room was perfectly lit, making the cream marble walls and floor gleam. It was empty. Just the doorman waited by the giant glass doors. I couldnt hear what he was saying from where I was, but I could see his lips moving. He was probably talking about me, announcing my arrival to his viewers. That was his job, after all. He just stood at the front of the building all day, greeting and talking to the people who lived on the floors above us. Well, that and gossiping. The producers had told me that was a key part of his role. He would talk about things hed seen or heard, never quite speculating but giving the viewers the chance to do so if they wanted to. And they did. That was a perk he got with his title. He could see the chat. It was crucial, apparently. He had to be able to see what people were typing and how they were responding to him, so he could tailor his gossip to that. And there she is, Miss Gracie from floor thirty-two, I heard him say as I neared. In a beautiful pink dress, designer, unless Im mistaken. Perhaps the work of Joeey? Wonderful choice for the weather in the City today. It is a scorcher. I fought the urge to touch my skirt, keeping my expression neutral. Had it been designed by Joeey? He was a huge deal, and that suddenly made me more confident about the party. People would comment on the dress, ask me about it. I had never worn designer clothing in real life. My mom had some, of course, but I didnt. When I was younger, she said it was a waste. I would just ruin it by being messy or something. I stopped asking about it as I got older. It was less important to me. I could just wear whatever. Good morning, Gracie, the doorman said, raising his voice to speak to me. Where are you off to this fine morning? I barely hesitated. The doorman was a lower rank than me, eighty-seven according to the number that appeared above him, and normally I would have lied to someone like that about the party. It was risky not to. They would try to tag along, and the producers might let them. Then, Id be the girl who let a low rank into a fun party. They would be too needy, too eager to rise. It would ruin the vibe. That wasnt a risk with the doorman, though. I didnt think he ever left the building. Theres a rooftop party a few blocks over, I told him with a coy smile. It sounds like it should be pretty fun. Ah, the party hosted by the good folks at Frosted Ice? he asked, but I could tell he already knew. Man, I know that most people love their range of spirits, but I think their premixed drinks are even better. Id say my favourite is the grape-tastic twisted lemonade. Its so easy to drink! A red word flashed along the top of my vision, but I didnt even need to look at it to know that Frosted Ice was a sponsor. I had to tread carefully. They made alcoholic drinks, and I was still young. The drinking age in the City was sixteen, but it was eighteen outside. I had a lot of young and impressionable viewers, people who had grown up with me and who were probably watching me in school right at that moment. I needed to give a good impression and appeal to them whilst still supporting the sponsor. It was a dangerous balance. Oh, that is a good flavour, I said, matching the doormans enthusiasm. I think my favourite is the blue razzleberry blast! Ive not really tried too many of their flavours, though. Ah, of course. Youre young. Drinking heavily at your age can have a negative impact on your cognitive development, the doorman said, undoubtedly reading the standard warning that we were forced to say whenever the producers felt we had spoken too positively about alcohol and the networks might not like it. But of course, its alright to enjoy the occasional Frosted Ice beverage! Hopefully, youll have the opportunity to sample more flavours today! I nodded, making sure to keep my expression innocent and under control as I waited to see if the producers were happy with his warning. If not, Id need to say something or add something to mention the dangers of drinking alcohol too much. Everyone already knew them; they just didnt care. But the network that hosted my streams did, and they mattered more. A green light blinked. I hope so, I said enthusiastically. Well, Im sure youll have a fantastic time, he replied. Thank you, I told him, stepping towards the open door as my drones started to move again. Have a great day! Thank you, he replied before continuing his steady stream of commentary to the people watching him. What an interesting development. Gracie is going to the Frosted Ice party today, along with a number of large streamees, including at least five people from the top twenty and the dreamy Ray I wanted to turn back and ask him more about the party. Five people from the top twenty was a huge deal for someone like me, especially if Ray was included in that number. He was dreamy. The doorman had been right. I hadnt seen much of him, of course. He was only a year older than me and entered the City just after I did. Id seen pictures of him around though. Mostly on advertisements. And Id seen his name on the rankings. I didnt pay him much attention at first, and neither did anyone else. Im not sure what changed exactly, but something had. His name shot up. He went from barely in the top hundred to the top fifty overnight. And he had just been climbing since then. When I checked that morning, he was hovering around number twenty, but it wouldnt have surprised me if he was already even higher. He had a gift. A knack for it. From what I had heard, people just seemed to enjoy watching his streams. I was bitterly jealous. This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. A breeze caressed my face as I walked along the wide paths of the City streets, distracting me from my thoughts. Confusion washed through me. How was there a breeze? The City was enclosed. Ah, a fan. But I should have known that. The City always used fans on hot days like that to simulate a breeze. It made it more realistic for the viewers. I should have known that though. It was the first time Id left my apartment in the fantasy, but Id been in the City for years. I should have remembered. It had taken so long to come to me, and I wasnt sure why. I was distracted. Maybe that was it. It was. I could feel myself stirring in the other world. The spy world. And there wasnt that much for me to do as I walked slowly through the City, so I didnt mind pulling back slightly. I was staring at things, of course, taking in my surroundings. The City was so beautiful, so pristine, but Id seen it before in the fantasy. Id been there for about four years; I was used to it. But, in the spy world I rolled over, ignoring the sharp pain that shot through my stomach, triggered by my movement. It still hurt so much. I thought sleeping would have made it better, but it felt like I had barely slept. Every time I moved, I woke up. It all hurt. Id go speak to the doctor during breakfast. That would help. Theyd be able to give me some painkillers and check to ensure I hadnt done any permanent damage. I opened my eyes, glancing at the clock. It was just before five; not time to get up just yet. Time was barely moving in that fantasy. It felt like so much time had passed in the other one, the streamee one. That was good though. It meant I could do both. I could live my life as normal in the streamee fantasy and work my way up the ranks whilst also becoming a spy. I could do everything. I wanted that. Both worlds appealed to me but in different ways. The spy world was great. It felt more real and fascinating. I could learn so much and get to travel, make friends and become a spy, but the streamee world That felt so much less real, but I wanted it nonetheless. It was the life I wished I could live, even though Id never really considered it before. I had fame and people interested in me. They were engaged; they cared about me. And it was so futuristic and cool. But there was also something else there. Anxiety was a persistent undercurrent, no matter what. I was always being watched and had to be careful about how I acted. Always, in the back of my mind, I was trying to work out how people would react to what I said. How theyd perceive me. I needed to make sure my actions fitted with my persona otherwise, people would get concerned. People didnt like change. I wasnt allowed to change, so I couldnt really be myself. I had to be the person they wanted me to be. And there was a never-ending push. An incessant pressure to do better. I could never be happy and content with anything. How could I be at my rank? I was pretty high, that was true, but I could do better. I had to do better. That thought bounced around in my mind all the time. It always had. I could remember the discussions ever since I came to the City. The producers wanted me to do better; they wanted me to advance. The higher I climbed, the better it was for them too. But that meant I would never be good enough. Nothing I did would ever be good enough. Not unless I hit number one, but I wasnt sure if that was even possible. It felt like I was too far down, and there was too much competition. But I wanted it. I wanted it so much. I think this must be it, I said, stopping outside a completely unmarked warehouse. One of my drones lifted into the air immediately, clearly trying to get an overhead shot of the party with me standing outside. It would take a good few seconds to get high enough for that shot. I needed to give it some time. Peering at the door to the factory, I cocked my head. I think its here, at least, I muttered, just loud enough to get picked up on the microphones. I think I can hear music I could. A low thumping noise was drifting down towards me, and I assumed it was coming from the roof. It was so early in the day for that kind of music. Honestly, it felt like it was too early in the day for a party, regardless of the type. I was used to it though. I went to quite a few during the day. It was intentional, I was pretty sure. They needed something fun and exciting to show people whilst they were at work. It helped distract them from how boring their jobs were. School too. If they showed kids constant streams of people having fun and living a perfect life, it would make them want to be a streamee too. Theyd pressure their parents into sending off their audition tapes, and then theyd have a constant flow of new streamees whenever one got too old, or people stopped caring. Plus, people would watch us drinking specific drinks from the sponsor, and theyd be thinking about it all day, waiting for the moment they could try it. As soon as they left work, theyd rush to the nearest facility and order the same. A new instruction flashed at the top of my vision. I needed to enter the building. The producers wanted the shot caught on the drone. It would be a good one, apparently. I couldnt look too confident about it though. It was a big party, bigger than what I was used to. That meant I needed to look slightly nervous and out of my depth. Forcing myself to take a deep breath as one of my drones flittered around me to get the right shot. I reached out for the door handle. It was nothing impressive or particularly noteworthy. Just a plain silver door with a pull handle. Here goes nothing, I said before yanking the door open. It swung open easily, and I peered into the darkness inside as a drone squeezed past me to capture my reaction. Confusion was how I felt, and I let it show on my face. There are no lights on Am I definitely in the right place? I asked before making a show of reaching for my phone and reading the invite again. I guess so. I stepped into the darkness, letting the door slam shut behind me. I could barely see. Just the light from the drone in front of me illuminated the room ever so slightly. My other drone would catch up once I was on the roof, so I was stuck with just one for now. It didnt last long though. Another drone, a floater, appeared from nowhere. It looked much more high-tech, even in the dim light. This is kind of scary. Maybe I should just go home, I said, making sure my voice wobbled slightly to show my fear. The viewers wouldnt be able to see my face properly, so I needed to make sure they still knew I was afraid. No. The invite said this is the right place. Maybe if I just go further into the building? I started walking slowly, holding my hands out to make sure I didnt bump into anything. It was unnecessary. The drones gave off just enough light for me to be able to see where I was going. Plus, the room was empty. I wasnt sure if it had been abandoned long ago or had just never been used, but there wasnt even any machinery there. Before long, I reached another door. This one was slightly more impressive looking than the last. It was painted a dark blue, but the paint was flaking. I started to reach out before pausing. There was no door handle. How was I meant to open it? Maybe push? I gave the door a slight shove, but nothing happened. It didnt even budge. Umm, I said, unsure what else to do. Theres no handle. I guess Reaching out again, I knocked timidly on the door. I wasnt sure if I expected it to fly open or what, but there was a loud clunking noise that made me jump. Knowing my audience would expect me to, I stepped back as the sound of metal scraping against metal filled the air. Light flooded the room, forcing me to shield my eyes as part of the door slid back. It was like a letterbox but much higher on the door, just above my face height. The other side was lit far too brightly and, even though someone was blocking most of the light, it was hard to look at it. I wanted to. I longed to know what was happening on the other side of the door; my eyes were just struggling to adjust. Name, a deep voice demanded. A man, I realised, was peering through the hole at me. I looked around, as if debating running away, before meeting his gaze. Gracie. I didnt need to give my second name. No one in the City used them. That was part of the reason I went by Gracie, which I hated, rather than just Grace. When I first entered the City, there was already a Grace. It would be confusing for viewers for there to be two. She had left or been kicked out a couple of years back, but my producers were against me rebranding. Id lose viewers, apparently. They would search for Gracie, not Grace, and I wouldnt pop up. The mans grey eyes narrowed slightly before he stepped back. I got a glimpse of the room beyond him, nothing more than another empty room, before the room was plunged into darkness again. Silence followed. It lasted so long that I wasnt sure if theyd changed their mind about my invites. Or maybe they were just waiting for their poll to finish. Perhaps their chat was voting on whether or not I should be allowed in. How would I react if they voted no? Should I complain? No. That wasnt right. It was important that I got into the party, it could have a huge impact on my rank, but viewers wouldnt like it if I threw a tantrum. Quiet sadness. Disappointment. That would work better. People would pity me, which wasnt ideal, but they wouldnt dislike me. And maybe, if they pitied me enough, Id be invited to the next party. My frantic planning was unnecessary though, I realised with a relief-filled sigh as the door made another loud noise. It buzzed that time, before lifting quickly. I blinked, stepping forwards into the dazzlingly bright room. Welcome to the party, Gracie, the bouncer said as I walked forwards, still blind. Make sure to grab a refreshing glass of Frosted Ices latest creation as you approach the elevator. I smiled at him, having caught the way his eyes glinted in the bright room. Id thought they were just grey in colour, but they werent. There was a flat metallic edge to them that made me certain his eyes had been replaced with cameras. I knew that was a thing, but I rarely saw them. And he didnt have a rank. Normally, they appeared above a persons head when I looked at them. It was useful; I needed them to know how to interact with people. His rank wasnt there, though. That meant he was unranked. Not a streamee. I still had to be nice to him though. His eyes were probably streaming onto my channel as I looked around the empty room. Umm I started to say, but he interrupted me. If you go through that door, youll find yourself in a corridor. At the end, theres a bar where you can order your drink and take the elevator up to the roof, the man told me, pointing at the door without looking away from me. He couldnt, probably. It would mess up his shot. I nodded at him before turning to look at the door with wide eyes. My drone and the spare buzzed around me, trying to make sure they stayed out of the bouncers field of vision whilst still capturing me. Thank you, I said to him before taking another deep breath and walking towards the door. It opened automatically as I approached, and I felt my mouth drop open as I stared into the corridor beyond. I had never seen anything like it before. 2.38 Power. I could hear footsteps coming from the corridor outside my room. My mom was coming to check on me again. It felt like no time had passed since the last time, but I wasnt sure. I didnt want to speak to her, though. There was no point. She was probably not even going to knock. Shed just barge in to make sure I wasnt doing anything suspicious. I wasnt. Not really. In reality, I was sitting on my bed and reading a book. Thats all there was to it, nothing more. But, in my fantasy, I wasnt there. I was somewhere completely different. The corridor before me was dazzlingly bright, and my drone shot forwards to try and catch it all. There was so much going on that I wasnt sure it would be able to. Stepping forwards into the corridor, I looked around with wide eyes. The floor below me caught my attention immediately, making anxiety shoot through me. It wasnt there. Well, it was. I knew that logically, but it looked like it was nothing more than wisps. Soft clouds formed the floor I stood on, some parts thicker and more solid looking than others. Tiny tendrils broke away from the main path, drifting upwards in a lazy puff of golden smoke. The lighting added to the effect. The only illumination came from the neon bubbly Frosted Ice logos and the walls. They looked strange too, though. The walls had been replaced by what looked like fish tanks. A light pink, mostly transparent liquid bubbled in them, but there was more. Flecks of gold glittered from inside. Each tiny bubble seemed to hold a piece of gold leaf, making the movements beautiful and hypnotic but also dizzyingly. I had to look away. My eyes fell on the bar at the end, and my mouth fell open. I hurried to shut it, knowing how ugly I would have looked. A wide open-mouthed gawp was unattractive, and I spent too much time and effort in this world to be attractive. It wouldnt do. Instead, I forced an excited smile onto my face and started to walk cautiously down the corridor, being sure to look surprised. Thats how the viewers would be reacting, so I had to do the same. I was almost certain that the majority of my audience would be staring at the screen, their work or schoolwork forgotten. That made me happy. It meant more engagement, and that was always a good thing. Wow, I breathed as I neared the end of the corridor, and my eyes fell on what waited there. I didnt really have to feign awe. I was feeling it. The bar was incredible. It was a fish tank but in the shape of a giant bubble. Coral and rocks formed the foundation of it, making it look like it had simply been plucked out of the ocean and brought to the City rather than created by a props department somewhere. The only thing that gave it away was the Frosted Ice logo that was scattered around the otherwise rustic bar. This is magical, I said, reading out one of the options the producers gave me. I cant believe Frosted Ice did all this! It was the most natural-sounding option, but I think if I were watching in real life, I would have known that it was something a sponsor was forcing me to say. I think it was the use of the company name. But then, the other options were worse. If I were to tell the viewers that Frosted Ice had created another masterpiece, and I didnt mean a drink this time, they would have seen right through me. It barely even made sense too. Could a drink be a masterpiece? And were Frosted Ice drinks really that good? I had to assume not. I know! the girl behind the bar said. Frosted Ice put together this magical day, just for you! And the fun doesnt stop here! Wait until you go upstairs. Its magical! The bartender used the word magical too. That had to be intentional, but I wasnt sure why. I looked at her and felt my eyes widen again. She was perched on a rock behind the bar, high enough up that I could see her tail. Her legs must have been uncomfortable being encased in it, but she smiled at me happily before hopping down. Seventy-one. That was her rank. I almost expected her to be unranked like the bouncer, but she wasnt. That explained her smile. It was a huge deal for a smaller streamee like her to be able to meet and interact with so many high-ranked people. Even though I wasnt a particularly high rank, I felt my back straighten and my chin lift. I was a big deal to her, and that filled me with a strangely powerful sensation. The girl moved carefully, clearly struggling to move but trying not to show it, and I felt sympathy rush through me, overpowering the jealousy I had been feeling. Being there, being the bartender at such a big event, would get her so many views and so many new followers. People would check in on her channel often, wanting to see who was coming to this event without having to search through streams for it. It made sense to just keep her stream up on a second monitor or something. Even as I stood there, waiting for her to make her way across the small space to serve me, I saw her ranking go up. That made me feel more envious. It was such a big opportunity, and one I didnt get when I was such a low rank. I had to work hard, fight for viewers and hunt down opportunities. I spent my down time every evening scouring my contact card for any information I could get on the other streamees who were doing so much better than me. The girl behind the bar had just been handed it and probably didnt even deserve it. Discomfort went through me. I didnt like how I was acting or how I was feeling. It wasnt that girls fault that she had been given the opportunity, so I shouldnt be feeling that way. It was her producers. Theyd pulled some strings or had done something to get it for her. She got lucky, that was for sure, but she didnt deserve any cruelty from me. It was something my mom would do, and I refused to be like her. Plus, she looked so uncomfortable. She was limping, hopping about and eyeing my drone nervously. She was looking at me anxiously. I think she expected me to be mean, and that made me feel horrible. I wouldnt do that. Id make sure to be nice to her. It really is! And you look amazing, I said, gesturing to her outfit. She really did. Her dark hair had been curled, and there must have been fans built into the bar because it was moving constantly, as if caught in a current. Her body was mostly exposed, and only her chest was covered. A fragile-looking top, made of nothing more than pink shells, had been stuck to her body. It couldnt have been comfortable at all. Gratitude washed over me. I was suddenly very glad that I was not in her position, despite how good it would have been for her ranking. Oh, thank you, she replied, her cheeks colouring. So do you! I looked down at my dress as the drone fluttered around us. Thank you! My viewers picked it out, and I think Im in love! Its so beautiful, I gushed. I was laying it on too thick. I needed to pull it back a bit. They did? she asked, sounding shocked. The last time my viewers picked an outfit out for me, I ended up walking down the main street in well, just a bit more than what Im wearing now. She laughed, and I joined in. At first, I had thought she was about my age, but now I saw that I was wrong. She was a year or two older, probably coming to the end of her contract. That was why she had the opportunity. Her producers were trying to drag it out and get offered an extension so they didnt need to start over with a new streamee. Oh no, I said, still giggling. Oh, yes. After that, I stopped trusting them quite as much, she joked. But, do you know who you can trust? Frosted Ice! They put this whole party together to help everyone celebrate their latest and most magical range yet. Specifically designed to make you feel your most magical and powerful self, Frosted Ice have created a range of premixed drinks, inspired by concepts youd never normally be able to taste. Have I got your attention? It was a script that she was reading, and that was obvious. The words were clearly put together by a marketing department somewhere because it sounded nothing like what a real person would say. It was stilted, the phrasing awkward, but the bartender gave it her all. She was doing a good job. She deserved to be a higher rank. I didnt really want her to overtake me and knock me down, obviously, but she was trying so hard. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. You do, I said almost truthfully. Her smile grew as her arms stretched wide, gesturing to the various clear tubes that were built into the bar. I hadnt even noticed them before. Id been too distracted by everything else. With five intense flavours and two more coming next month, youll be able to feel your magical best! she said. And today, youll be able to try all five flavours before anyone else. Thats exciting! Isnt it? I have to say, Ive tried a couple of the flavours, and they are incredible, the bartender said, leaning towards me conspiratorially. Oh really? Which is your favourite? I asked. She paused, considering it. I would say Electricity. That stumped me. I didnt expect that to be one of the flavours. I thought it would be more normal. What would electricity even taste like? I really didnt know, and Id never been even tempted to find out. It seemed stupid. Surely, if a person tastes electricity, theyd die. Oh really? I asked cautiously. Really! The taste is just so electric! You really have to try it to understand! I hesitated, knowing that my viewers were most likely voting on whether or not I would drink electricity. Part of me was tempted to just ask for something else. Another flavour or something that I knew was safe. I couldnt though. Frosted Ice were the sponsor. I probably wouldnt even be allowed to ask for another Frosted Ice drink. What are the other flavours? I asked, hoping to give my viewers some other safer-sounding options. Theres cloud, power, knowledge and freedom! Immediately, I longed for freedom. Not just to drink it but to experience it. I wanted to be free, to make my own choices and do whatever I wanted rather than be constantly aware of the viewers and what they would want me to do. Desire gripped me so strongly that I couldnt respond to the girl. All I could do was stand there. Something flashed in my vision. A word. Ill try the electricity, I said, snapping myself out of the haze I was in. It sounds so exciting! The bartender smiled at me before shuffling across the bar towards the cups. Normally, this comes in a can, so its easy and accessible. You can drink it on the go! But tonight, its on tap, she said, smiling at me mischievously. Watch this. She slammed the glass into place under a tap and pulled down the switch. Immediately, we were plunged into darkness. The only light came from the Frosted Ice signs around the bar and the drones. The room was silent apart from a faint rushing noise. The hairs on my arms stood on end. Uhh, I started to say, thinking something had gone wrong. Nothing ever went wrong in the City; theyd never show it. But I quickly realised the sudden darkness was intentional. The rushing noise was growing louder, and I realised it was coming from the bar. No, not just the bar, from the pipes around it. And one was starting to glow. I saw my drone move out of the corner of my eye. It was trying to get a shot of my reaction to whatever was about to happen, which meant I had to play it up. I leant forwards towards the pipe, my eyes wide. I had to touch it. I knew how good that would look on camera, especially now that the glow was getting brighter. Reaching out, I let my hand tremble before pressing my fingers against the clear glass pipe. I wasnt sure if it was intentional or just good timing, but the moment I touched it, the rushing noise became almost deafening. I snatched my hand back as the tube grew so bright it almost hurt my eyes. Blue liquid exploded into the pipe, crackling and fizzing with electricity. It built, becoming more and more solid, before finally shooting out the tap and into the glass below. Once it was full, the lights slowly returned and soft music filled the room. The bartender smiled as she slid the glass towards me. There you go. One order of liquid electricity. Drink it whilst its charged. I stared at the almost luminous blue liquid, not wanting to pick it up. I was almost certain that the drink wasnt actually electric and the effects had been fake, but I also didnt quite trust the producers. They wouldnt have electrocuted me for entertainment, would they? I honestly wasnt sure, but I couldnt resist any longer. The words were already flashing along the top of my vision, telling me to hurry up and drink it. It would look bad for the sponsors if I took too long or didnt react well, and if I disappointed the sponsors, that was me done. If they pulled out, if they blacklisted me, I wouldnt be able to go to any event that they hosted. I would be forgotten, left behind. The producers would try but even they would know it was a lost cause. Id drop down the ranks, be nothing. I reached out for the drink, trying to mould my expression into one of excitement rather than reluctance, and picked it up. The glass was icy in my hand, which somehow didnt make me feel any better. But there was no other option. I couldnt pretend to drop the drink or spill it. I had to drink it. Lifting the glass to my lips, I paused for a moment, trying to smell it. There was no scent, but the bubbles jumped out of the glass, landing on my lips and making them tingle. That concerned me; however, I cared more about the sponsors than what would happen to me if I were to drink it. I took a sip. Surprise rushed through me, and I knew it was showing on my face. It was actually quite pleasant. The flavour was strange and hard to describe. It was light and refreshing, yet zingy. It felt like licking a lemon or something like that. Almost like my tongue had been zapped with electricity. It wasnt unpleasant or painful, but it was a shock. Its pretty good, right? the bartender remarked with a laugh, having seen my reaction. Yeah! I replied. Its delicious! The bartenders smile widened. It really is. You should try the other flavours; theyre all fantastic! she said. But you can try them up on the roof. Just wait until you get up there. I had a sneak peek when they were setting up, and it looks great! I glanced at the elevator at the back of the room, suddenly nervous. I bet it does Im sure youre going to have a lovely time, the bartender told me, her tone unexpectedly supportive. The drone moved closer to my face, trying to get a shot of my anxiety. I knew it was written across my features, but I wasnt sure what to do. People would like to see it, I was pretty sure. It was understandable; theyd be encouraging me in the chat. I took a deep breath before glancing at the bartender. Are there many people up there? I asked. A few, she said with a nod. Some big names. That Ray guy is up there already. I felt my stomach tighten with nerves. Oh, really? The bartenders cheeks flushed. Yeah Hes cute in person, she said. There was more to her reaction than that though, I could tell. He probably flirted with her. That made sense; a lot of the higher-ranked guys were flirts. But I could use that to my advantage. I could flirt with him, play it up for the cameras. I wasnt sure if my audience would like that, though. Some might not. They didnt always like it when I acted like that with guys. In fact, they mostly didnt. But maybe Ray would be a big enough name for them that they wouldnt mind too much. Id have to play it by ear and see how the polls go. I was sure the producers would put some up. Theyd decide what I should do and how I should act. They always did. Ive heard he is, I said with a shy smile before looking towards the elevator again. I was wasting my time. I had already been at the party for ten minutes or so, and I had spent the entire time with the bartender, who was a lower rank than I was. That was a stupid decision, even if she was nice. I should be on the roof, talking to the higher-ranked people and getting more viewers. Have fun up there, the bartender said as she climbed onto the rock again. Thanks, I told her with a genuine smile. I hope you have fun down here. She grinned at me before lifting a glass that had been left there and taking a long drink. I walked towards the elevator, hearing my drone circling me slowly. It was the perfect time to support the sponsors, I realised. I could do it in such a natural way. I took a sip of the electricity-flavoured cocktail, savouring the taste. Wow, I muttered just loud enough for the microphones to pick up. This is delicious. A light flashed, signalling the producers approval, as the elevator doors opened. I stepped inside, looking around at the decorations inside. The floor of the huge industrial lift had been replaced with grass. The sides were open to the elevator shaft and painted beautifully to look like we were in the Countryside. Ah, thats why the ground was covered in grass. It was meant to feel like we were out there for some reason. I liked it. It looked pretty and made me excited for what awaited me on the roof. I knew it would be good. My viewers would like that. Hold the door, a deep voice called. I reached out towards the doors, but they were already starting to open again. Someone was walking down the corridor towards me, and for a moment, I assumed someone had changed their mind. Maybe the sponsors werent happy with how I had reacted to the drink and didnt want me at the party. But then I noticed the number above their head. Fifteen. They were another party guest and not just any guest. It was Landon. He had somehow managed to stay at number fifteen for years. Everyone knew about him. And he was looking at me. He had reached the bar and ordered a drink, but his eyes were still on me. There was something appraising in his expression as he stared at me, basically ignoring the bartender. One of his drones zipped out in my direction, and I felt the need to fiddle with my skirt. I shouldnt. I looked fine and I knew that. I lowered my chin but continued to hold his gaze. A smile gathered on his lips. Thanks, darling, I heard him say to the bartender before starting to walk towards me. His movements were fluid and seductive. There was something about him; I couldnt look away. Not that I wanted to. The drones buzzed around us as he drew closer, making sure to capture both of us. He stepped into the lift, standing so close that my arm almost brushed against his. What are you drinking? he asked, his voice low. Electricity, I said, my voice sounding slightly weaker than I meant. He was such a high rank, and there was something terrifying about him. Thats fitting, he said, glancing across at me. Can I try some? It felt like a weird question, but I didnt want to say no. Being seen with someone like him would be huge for my ranking. Sure. Our fingers brushed as he took the glass from my hand, and I watched him carefully as he took a slow sip. Huh, he said. Somehow, Frosted Ices managed to capture exactly what Im feeling between us. My face flushed, and I had to look away. What drink did you go for? I asked as the lift doors started to close. Power, he said, the word dripping in it. He didnt need to drink power; he already exuded too much of it. 2.39 I needed to be better. A loud crash split the air, and the lift jolted suddenly. I jumped, my heart pounding, as I fought to keep my balance on the unsteady ground. The grass was making it worse. It was uneven, and that made it even harder to stay upright. A strong arm wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly. Its okay, a deep voice whispered right into my ear. Ive got you. My heart was still racing though. I looked around, fear coursing through me as the elevator began to lift. An almost deafening crack came from above us, accompanied by a flash of light. I stared up at it in terror. Was it broken? Had there been some kind of electrical fault, and we were about to go plummeting to our deaths? Wed barely lifted into the air, so I wasnt sure how far wed fall, but it might still be enough to kill us both. Would production let that happen? Would they stream their deaths and not interfere or prevent them? It was the second time that day that I had considered that question, but I was no closer to the answer. Were safe, Landon said, his voice louder this time. I swallowed, ripping my eyes away from the top of the lift and looking around. We were still rising. The lift continued to move upwards as if nothing had happened. What was that? I asked, my voice shaky with fear. Is the lift broken? I was glad he was holding me up because I wasnt sure my legs would support me. It was probably on purpose, he replied with a slight smile. Things dont break here. I nodded. He was right. Things didnt break in the City, and, for an event like that one, production would have been careful. They would have checked everything. The sponsor would have demanded it, I was almost certain. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to steady myself and stop the anxiety that raced through me. I had to appear unfazed by what had happened. Like I thought it was cool and fun rather than terrifying. If it was intentional, my reaction probably wasnt what they were looking for. I started to lift my drink to my mouth before realising it was dripping. I must have spilt it when I had stumbled. Irritation washed through me. It was a bad look. I was in a lift with Landon, who was number fifteen, and about to mingle with other high-ranked people. I should be looking my best, not dripping alcohol. At least none was on my dress, I realised with a silent sigh of relief. Sorry, I said, glancing up at Landon. He was still holding me. His hand was clutching my waist tightly. A little too tightly, actually. Maybe I just wasnt used to anyone touching me like that, but it felt wrong. He could just be trying to make sure I didnt fall again. That would make sense. Plus, the viewers were probably loving it. Actually, that was a good point, I realised. People might be less against me flirting with or maybe dating someone if our relationship began in such a romantic way, with me panicking and him helping. It made him seem heroic. Even with that realisation, I wasnt particularly happy. There was something that just felt a little off, but I couldnt put my finger on what it was. I knew that dating or even just flirting with him would be great for views. My rating would increase, I was certain. He was ranked so much higher than me; it would have to impact mine. Maybe that was part of why I felt so uncomfortable though. He held all the power. Hed be able to throw me away as soon as he got bored of me, and then Id be nothing more than some girl he had briefly dated. People wouldnt care about me. Id seen that happen enough times. Whilst hiding in the bathroom, out of view of the cameras, Id scoured the information provided to me, trying to work out what it was about other streamees that the viewers found so appealing. The number of times Id seen Landons name mentioned alongside a girls, only for her to be forgotten the next week, was staggering. Sometimes, I tracked the girls rank for a little bit after, but that was always a depressing experience. I needed to be better than that. I needed to be better than Landon. I could do exactly what he normally did and find a way to use him to my advantage. That would work. It could make me seem more than just some forgettable girl, pining over a boy who moved on too quickly. I was more than that, of course. I just needed to show the viewers. Unease settled over me. It felt wrong. I didnt want to be the kind of person who used others. The mere thought made my stomach clench. I couldnt do it. I couldnt pretend to be interested in or date him for the exposure. It was wrong. I felt nothing towards him. It made sense. I didnt know anything about Landon, not really. The only things I knew about him was what I had read. That he dated people quickly, too quickly, and tossed them away like they meant nothing to him. But, I realised slowly, maybe he didnt like that either. Perhaps it was just the persona hed stumbled into and that now his producers forced him to keep doing. Maybe he hated it just as much as I did. I glanced up at him, wanting to ask him but knowing I couldnt. My eyes met his, and I felt myself pull back, recoiling away from him ever so slightly. He was still looking down at me, his face too close to mine, but there was something about his gaze, the way he looked at me, that made me so uncomfortable. Immediately, I was gripped with the urge to move away from him. I wanted to step back, walk to the other side of the industrial elevator, but even that wouldnt be far enough. It was possessive. That was the problem. There was a sharp edge to his expression, something that told me he was enjoying holding me too much. My decision had been made. I steadied myself, taking a subtle yet deep breath, before stepping away from him. His hand tightened on my waist for just a moment, as if he didnt want to let go of me. He did though. Thank you for catching me, I said, painfully aware of his rank and the drones flitting around us, capturing the interaction. Even though I wanted nothing more than to run away from him, I couldnt. He was too important, too powerful. I needed to be careful. Plus, if I acted perfectly, I could still get a small boost from the interaction alone. Its nothing, he said smoothly, his voice deeper than before. Im always happy to help a beautiful woman. That was meant to be seductive, and I knew it. So many of our viewers would be swooning, shouting at their screens for me to just kiss him, but I couldnt bring myself to feel anything other than disgust. I needed to say something though. I needed to respond to him. I wasnt sure what to do. My mind was completely blank. Perhaps there was a double meaning to his words, a small voice in the back of my head suggested. He could be just offering to help me in general; it didnt need to be anything romantic. I knew that was wrong though. The meaning was clear. I looked around, pretending to be flustered by his words. My eyes searched for anything else to focus on, finding the exposed walls of the elevator. Theyd been meticulously painted to look like we were rising into the sky, and that made my heart skip. Some of my discomfort dissipated as I looked around, completely distracted. There, on the walls, were some tiny birds. Somehow, they almost looked like they were moving. They were. Their wings were moving. I couldnt remember the last time Id seen birds. There werent any in the City; they were too much of a risk. They caused mess and illness, and ruined streams. They werent worth it, according to the producers. Youre new to this, arent you? Landon asked. I glanced at him cautiously. Ive been in the City for four years. That made his lips pull up into a smile. Even though he unnerved me, I had to admit he was attractive. I could see the appeal. No, not the City. This, he said, gesturing around. The party circuit. I hesitated before responding. I was new to it. I was about to attend the biggest party I had ever been to. I didnt want to admit that to him. It felt wrong for some reason. I didnt want to come across as naive, I think. It would make him assume I was easy to manipulate. But I couldnt lie. My viewers would know that I had. It wouldnt go down well. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. Kind of, I said with a slight shrug. Ive been to parties before, obviously, but nothing this big. Landons smile grew, and he moved closer. Well, he said, lacing his arm around my waist again. Ive been to quite a few. Stick with me, and Ill make sure you have a good time here. A light flashed excitedly in the corner of my vision, distracting me. I had never seen it so persistent, so enthusiastic. The producers were clearly thrilled. They knew what it could mean for me, for all of us. I didnt want to do it though. I couldnt. The thought of spending more time with him, of him touching me, maybe even kissing me, made me so uncomfortable that goosebumps broke out on my arms. He was scary. There was something genuinely scary in his flat gaze. He could see my fear. He saw how I cringed away from him, the panic shooting through me. It made him lean even closer. I needed to respond to him. I wasnt speaking enough and was taking too long to say anything. It was making me look like an idiot, and I wasnt one. I had to think fast, to come up with some way out of this. Anything that meant I could race away from him the moment the doors opened and never have to speak to him again. I opened my mouth, my lips forming the rejection. Im lucky I bumped into you, I said with a shy smile. Confusion washed over me as my mind warred with itself. I was going to refuse. I had an excuse half-formed, but I was going to use it. Why hadnt I? I couldnt make sense of what had happened. Had the producers influenced me somehow? Could they have put the words into my mouth and forced me to say them? Surely not, but then why had I reacted like that? There was a part of me, a small but strong part, that had taken control. It wanted me to go along with whatever Landon said, clinging to the hopes that it would be enough to drag me into the top twenty. Thats all I needed. Then, when we inevitably split up, I could stay in the twenties. I would find a way to manipulate the situation to work for me. It was already working, anyway. Ever since Landon had stepped into the elevator with me, my rank had jumped up two places. That was promising. Landon leant down slowly, bringing his lips towards my ear. I felt myself tilt my chin up automatically, closing the distance between us until I could feel his face against mine. I jerked back, dizziness slamming into me as I ripped my eyes open. My bedroom spun around me, nausea pulling at me. That wasnt what I wanted. It felt wrong; it was wrong. I didnt want to manipulate someone or only spend time with them because I knew it would help me, and I couldnt spend time with someone so creepy. That wasnt the type of person I was. I couldnt do that. I wanted more. I needed more. My heart raced, and I felt my grip tighten on my book. I was hit with a wave of gratitude that I wasnt in that world for real. I wouldnt have been able to panic like I was. I had to constantly be aware of how I looked and how people were perceiving me. In my real life, the only person I had to worry about was my mom. I froze, holding my breath as I listened hard. How would I explain my freak out to her if she happened to check on me then? But I couldnt hear her. I couldnt hear any noise from the house. Maybe she had gone outside for a cigarette. I hope so. I forced the breath out slowly, trying to loosen my grip on the book as I told myself that world wasnt real. It felt real, but it wasnt. Actually, it didnt even feel that real. The entire City had been constructed to appear perfectly real, more than that if possible, but it wasnt. And that wasnt a life I wanted to live. There were lots of people there who cared about me, who watched me, but that wasnt enough for me. I wanted actual relationships with people. I needed to be able to make decisions, but I couldnt there. I was nothing more than a puppet, forced to do whatever the viewers and producers wanted me to. Never able to make my own choices. I felt Landons hand tighten around my waist. I wasnt even in that world anymore, but somehow I could still feel it. Another shudder tore through me, my nausea rising. I wanted to push him away, not move closer to him like I could feel my other self doing. But I couldnt. The Grace of the streamee world didnt want to. Shaking my head, I withdrew even further from the fantasy. I didnt want that. I never wanted to go back there. It didnt feel right. I couldnt give anyone that kind of control over me again. But I didnt want to stay in reality either. Reaching out tentatively, I touched a familiar dizziness. It immediately felt better than the streamee world had. More real. A smile came to my lips as I shut my eyes once more. Whoa! I heard someone say before a hand closed around my arm. Are you okay? I blinked, the sudden sunlight blinding me. Uh, yeah, I said unsurely. Are you sure? Seth asked, his expression concerned. Yes, sorry, I apologised, looking around for an excuse. I must have caught my toe on the cobbles or something. Seth let go of my arm, the worry clearing from his face and being replaced with a smile. The courtyard paving was uneven. It was a good lie. Oh, that makes sense. I did that this morning too, he said. I felt myself returning his grin, happiness spreading through me. That was what I wanted. Seth and that world felt so much better than the other one. Seth had caught me when Id tripped, but, unlike Landon, hed let go. It hadnt felt uncomfortable at all. I bet that happens all the time, I told him. Probably. What are you doing out this early? Is breakfast over? he asked, glancing over my shoulder. Oh, no. People are still eating, I said, searching my memories quickly. I just need to see the doctor really quick before we go to class. His eyebrows drew together. Are you okay? The urge to lie hit me, but I pushed it away. Yeah, Im just My stomach kind of hurts after yesterday. Had it been only a day since I had been shot? That didnt feel right. It seemed like so much time had passed. Oh Oh! Are you sure youre okay? Yeah, Im totally fine, I said quickly, his concern making me feel bad. I wanted to get checked out, just in case. He hesitated for a moment before nodding. Good idea. Can I walk you there? Relief washed through me. Sure, I replied, starting to walk again. Wait, do you not need to go to breakfast? No, its okay. Itll only take a minute, so I can go after. I looked down to hide the smile that formed on my face. It was just so kind of him, and that made me happy. So, um, how are you finding being here? I asked awkwardly after a few moments of silence. Seth looked up, seeming to savour the feeling of the sunlight hitting his face as we walked across the courtyard in the centre of the induction wing. Honestly? he asked, glancing at me. I nodded, genuinely wanting to hear his thoughts. Its so much better than being at home. How are you finding it? Same, really, I replied. Even though you were shot? An unexpected laugh slipped out of my lips. The movement caused my stomach to ache, but it almost felt good. I felt light. After the constant paranoia and worry in the last world, it was a nice change, and that reinforced my decision. I wouldnt go back there. There was nothing for me there. Yeah. I mean, that didnt normally happen at home, but its still better here. I meant it. Seths grin grew even wider as he pulled the door open and gestured with his head for me to go through. Really? You didnt get shot at much at home? he joked. I snorted. No, not really. Why, did you? The moment the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. Seths expression froze, and he looked away from me. I felt so stupid. Hed mentioned at dinner the night before that hed been shot a few times. Abbie had bombarded him with questions, but hed refused to answer. It was clearly a difficult subject for him; how could it not be? Sorry, I started to say. I didnt mean it like that! His smile returned, but it was different that time. He looked tired. Exhausted and worn down. No, its fine. I know you didnt, he replied. We walked in silence for a little. I felt so awkward. I should have remembered what hed said and known not to ask, but I hadnt. The thought hadnt even crossed my mind until it was too late, and now Id made things uncomfortable between us. I didnt want that to happen. I didnt want Seth to be reminded of whatever had happened, but I couldnt think of anything that would help. I could apologise again, I considered. It might make things better. I could explain that it was just a joke; I was teasing him like he had teased me. But Id already apologised. Would telling him I was sorry again make things worse? My dad was pretty violent, Seth said, surprising me. Oh? I replied, unsure what else to say. Yeah. Thats why you know. His dad had shot him. The realisation came to me slowly, and I felt my eyes widen. My mom didnt treat me well, but at least shed never shot me. Shed never really been violent towards me. Oh Im sorry, I said. Seth shrugged, staring at the ground as we walked towards the doctors office. Dont be. These things happen, and at least it means Im more prepared for when it happens here, he said with a slight smile. Some people just shouldnt be parents. Yeah, I agreed quietly. He was right, but I still felt like I had to say something more. There was a difference between a bad parent and one who shot their kid, and I knew that. But what could I say? Seth didnt seem like he wanted my sympathy. Hed seemed uncomfortable when Id apologised before, so I knew I shouldnt do it again, no matter how much I wanted to. Would changing the subject be better? Or thanking him for telling me? That was a thing people did. Id definitely seen it on television after someone confessed to something painful. But that always made me kind of uncomfortable. I wasnt sure how Id react if someone said that to me, and I didnt want to say anything to make things worse. I was still trapped in my thoughts, unable to come up with a plan of anything to say, when we stopped outside the doctors office. I turned towards Seth, wanting to thank him for walking me there and apologise, but the words died on my lips. He was looking at me. Smiling. It wasnt like how Landon had smiled at me. There was no malice in his eyes. There was something else. Something that made my stomach flutter. Im sorry, he said, for saying that before. I know its weird to hear, and I didnt mean to dump my trauma on you. Youre just easy to talk to. Not that that makes it okay! Seth saying that I was easy to talk to made me feel weird. It was a good feeling but an unexpected one. I wasnt sure anyone had ever felt that way about me before. It didnt feel true. Its okay, I said. Im glad you told me. I opened my mouth, wanting to say more, but the door opened suddenly. I thought I heard voices out here, Doctor Adda said as he poked his head out, looking between us. Back again, Seth? 2.40 Obvious, I got a little off-topic. There doesnt seem to be any internal damage, maybe some light bruising of some of your intestines, but I dont believe its anything more severe than that, Doctor Adda said as he leant back. I sat up, the paper on the examination table crinkling under me. My stomach felt slightly tender from Doctor Addas careful prodding, but I was relieved about his words. Are you sure? I heard myself ask. I am. If you have any symptoms youre concerned about, such as more vomiting or if you notice any blood in your stools, experience any dizziness, or anything that doesnt quite feel right, come back to me straight away. We can get some x-rays and CT scans done to make sure youre okay, he said with a kind smile. I swallowed nervously. Okay, I said, a new worry starting to pull at me. If I have to get an x-ray or something will I need to leave the Academy? They had made it very clear that we were not allowed to leave the Academy during the induction period. If I did, I wasnt sure what would happen. Would it be enough to be kicked out? That didnt feel right, but I was still worried. No, no, the doctor said, holding up a reassuring hand. We have all the necessary equipment in the main building. Its easier that way and means we dont need to explain things to any pesky doctors. Obviously, we dont normally let people leave the wing during induction, but medical emergencies take precedence. Oh. I knew it was wrong, but I couldnt help the small flare of hope in my stomach. Part of me, a tiny part, almost wished that it would happen. Then, Id be able to see the rest of the school. I was so curious, so intrigued, and I knew there was no way Id be able to see it for weeks otherwise. My eyebrows drew together, and I pushed that thought aside. I was being stupid. Wishing for damage to my organs just so I got to have a look around the Academy a couple of months sooner was wrong. I had to wait. I would still get a chance to see the rest of the Academy; it would just take a little longer. That was fine. I could deal with that. Do you have any other questions or worries? Doctor Adda asked. Um, no. Thats it, I said. Thank you. Youre welcome. Now, I would recommend you sit out of any physical class until you feel better, a week or so minimum, but after that, you should be fine, he advised. Okay, I muttered, feeling disappointment rush through me. I didnt want to sit out any classes. It didnt feel right. I wanted to be able to join in like everyone else and not be in pain. Maybe Id ignore his advice, I decided. Id play it by ear and see how I felt. Great! Now, off you go to class. If you walk quickly, you should be able to get there before it starts! I stood immediately before saying a quick Thank you. I hated being late to class. It made me so uncomfortable. The idea of walking in and having everyone turn and look at me, knowing where I had been, made my stomach drop. It was so awkward, so embarrassing. But it should be different in this world. I was confident there. Being late to class wouldnt bother me as much as it would in real life. I could stroll in as late as I wanted and just sit down. The teacher probably wouldnt even say anything to me either. Even as I thought that I found myself walking towards the basics classroom quickly. It wasnt too far away from the doctors office, luckily, so I managed to get there just as a few stragglers slipped into the room. I ducked in after them, my eyes finding the front of the classroom immediately. Relief soothed my racing heart. The teacher wasnt there yet. Grace! Abbie called, waving me over to where she, Katie and Seth sat. They were all watching me, concern on their faces. It made me feel a bit strange. I wasnt used to so many people caring about me or being worried. I didnt know how to react. So? Katie asked. Did the doctor say youre okay? Yeah, I told them as I dropped into the seat theyd saved me. Apparently, its a normal reaction to being shot. Seths lips pulled up into a smile as Katie breathed an audible sigh of relief. Oh, good, she said. I hope I never find out. You were so brave to go first! I opened my mouth, about to point out that I didnt exactly volunteer, but the classroom door opened, and Rodgers limped in. Good morning, class, he called as he walked to the front of the class. How is everyone today? Good first day? Chatter started up as he turned towards up, leaning against his desk. I couldnt listen to what was being said though. My attention was being pulled away. A door slammed in reality, and I froze. I listened, straining my ears to pick up any noise, but the house was silent. Well, not exactly silent. It was too old for that. It creaked and groaned, but there was no other noise. It was probably just the front door. It sounded like it. Mom was most likely going out for a cigarette, I realised, glancing at my phone. It was getting late, mid-afternoon already somehow. Shed either gone out for a smoke or to get dinner. Both were equally likely. She probably would have said something to me before going out for food and leaving me behind, but it had happened before. I didnt mind too much though. It meant Id be free to stay in the other world, my fantasy or whatever it was. I wouldnt have to keep some of my attention on reality at all. Great! So, I know youre probably all wondering why you have basics again this morning and tomorrow morning and the day after, Rodgers said with a grin. I was meant to explain that yesterday, but obviously, I got a little off-topic. I would apologise and say it wont happen again, but I would be lying. A few people laughed, and I found myself joining in. Rodgers had such an easy air about him. It was just a conversation rather than him actually teaching us. It made it easy to pay attention; I wanted to hear what he had to say. So, you have basics every day at first, as you probably know from looking at your timetables. Its intentional so I can give you all the base-level information you need about the world in general and how the Academy works before you get started on the more specialised classes, he explained. And, most importantly, it gives you all the chance to ask questions. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Abbie start to raise her hand before lowering it. She clearly had something to ask Rodgers but had changed her mind. Luckily, hed seen the movement. Yes, you, he said, pointing at her before smiling apologetically. Im sorry. I promise I will at least try to learn your names. Whats your name, and do you have a question? Abbies face turned a dark shade of fuchsia. I could see her mind working fast, as if debating whether or not to speak. Im Abbie, she said. And um, I was just wondering why is it important that we can ask questions? Sorry if thats a stupid question, its just She trailed off, not quite finishing her thought. Her eyes were fixed on the desk as her cheeks became even redder. Its not a stupid question at all, but I understand why you added that, Rodgers said with a shrug. I think youre forgetting that I was just like you. I assume most of you were curious kids who were often told things like you dont need to know that or thats not on the syllabus when you asked a question in school. Or maybe you just learnt not to ask questions because you knew you would get the answer. Show of hands, whos had that exact experience? My hand shot into the air. It was weird that hed mentioned it, but I used to ask questions a lot. I didnt so much any more, but I remembered doing it in primary school. Teachers hadnt liked that. Id been told to stop asking questions; it interfered with the lesson. Id completely forgotten about it until that moment, but I remembered being moved to a table by myself. I was disrupting others with my questions. But it was clear I wasnt the only one who had been told off for that. Almost everyone held their hand in the air. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Exactly, Rodgers said, looking around. But thats not how things work here. We dont view curiosity as a negative. In fact, its part of the reason you all were chosen. Inquisitiveness and a thirst for knowledge are great things, especially when channelled in the right direction. You will never be told off for asking too many questions. Trust me, I know that from personal experience. He broke off, looking down and chuckling under his breath. I felt something wash over me. It was jealous, I think. I longed to be in a place where I was treated like that, where I could ask the questions I wanted rather than ignoring them. It was such a small thing, so unimportant, but I wanted it so badly. It made me a little sad too, but I was glad I had that in one world, at least. In my first few weeks here, I was certain I was going to make every single one of the tutors hate me, Rodgers explained. I really pushed the whole questions are good thing. But, I was never told off, and do you know why? He looked around at us expectantly. Because questions are good? someone behind me guessed, parroting Rodgers words. Because its the only way to get the information you need. And, without that information, how are you meant to make a good decision? You cant. The only way to make a well-informed decision is well, to be well-informed. You cant do that without asking questions, he explained with a shrug. He was right. It made a lot of sense. But that made me more confused. Why were teachers so quick to dismiss it in real life, then? Did they not want us to have all the information we needed? Why not? I wasnt sure, and based on the silence that had settled over the room, neither was anyone else. Learning to ask the right question, however, is a skill that takes a bit more practice. Itll come in time, though, he told us. And there arent that many decisions youll have to make in the induction period thatll have too much of a lasting impact on you, so you do have time. Rodgers laughed again, and a few people tittered nervously. Across the room, someone lifted a hand. Yes you? I want to say your name is Derrick? Rodgers said, pointing at them. Uh, Dean, they corrected him. Ah, so close. Im sorry. Yes, Dean? You had a question? Yeah, um, I was wondering what you mean, the boy said. Are there decisions that we have to make that can have a lasting impact? His tone was panicked, and I completely understood why. I could feel myself starting to worry too. Oh, no, no, not really, Rodgers said, his tone reassuring. Its all fairly light stuff for now, nothing irreversible. I was mostly referring to when you finish induction and choose a specialism, but that wont happen for a little while. Abbies hand shot up. Yes, Abbie, Rodgers said. What kind of specialism can we choose, and when does it happen? she asked. Rodgers laughed slightly. That is a much bigger question than the twenty minutes we have left, he said, glancing at the clock. But Ill cover as much as I can. Basically, not all of you will become field operatives. A whisper shot through the room at that. People seemed surprised by that information, but I wasnt. I had a vague recollection of someone telling me about the other officers at the Academy. Ms Brice, maybe? Dont worry, Rodgers said loudly over the voices. You all have the option to become field operatives. You just might not want to. As part of your education here at the Academy, youre trained across many different areas. Your specialism will depend on which area you enjoy the most and where you excel. It may be the physical side of things, like actually being in the field, or it could be more behind the scene intelligence work. Worry started to build within me. I wasnt sure what area I''d do best in. My first hopewas actual field work, being an intelligence officer, a spy. But I doubted that would happen. Rodgers had said wed need to excel in a certain area, but that wasnt me. I wasnt the type of person to do particularly well at anything. I was average. I am average. Even my grades reflect that. What would happen once the Academy realised that? Would I be kicked out? Or would they be able to find something for me, some area where I did okay? I wasnt sure, and I didnt really want to find out. I could feel myself withdrawing slightly from the fantasy as I mulled that thought over, trying not to panic too hard. The front door slammed shut again, ripping me out of the world, and I forced myself to take a deep breath as footsteps started to come up the stairs. I looked down at my book, knowing Mom was coming to see me. I needed to look normal, to not give her any reason to be suspicious of me. Not that I was doing anything suspicious, not really. Were going to have pizza for dinner, my mom said as she threw the door open a little too quickly. Her eyes darted around the room before landing on me, and I knew she was searching for any sign that I hadnt just spent all day in my room reading a book. It was ridiculous. When we were in Scotland, my mom generally spent most days reading and doing little else, but somehow she found it hard to believe that I could do the same. Great, I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. Her lips pursed slightly. Well be going out in a few minutes to pick it up, she told me. I noticed shed just assumed Id be going with her, and considered refusing to go, just to be petty. There was no point though, and I knew that. I didnt mind the drive anyway. Id spent all day inside, so it would be nice to get some fresh air. Okay, I replied. My mom continued to look at me, her expression expectant. I met her gaze, of unsure what she wanted me to do. There was clearly something, but I didnt know what. I was already dressed, so I just needed to go downstairs and put my shoes on. After a few seconds, she spoke again. We need to leave soon, she said. Are you not going to do something about how you look? The question was a rhetorical one. There was a correct answer. Why? I asked, the question slipping out before I could stop it. Irritation flared across her face. Have you not looked in a mirror today? she demanded. It looks like you were dragged through a hedge backwards. At least brush your hair or something. She sighed heavily, shaking her head. The urge to roll my eyes at her was so strong that I almost couldnt stop myself. It might make me feel better, but it wasnt worth it. It wouldnt last long, and then Id need to deal with her being even more irritated. I started to get up as she turned and walked back down the corridor. I didnt even look that bad, I realised as I stared at my reflection. Id undone my hair at some point when I was in the streamee fantasy, so it was down, but it wasnt that messy. A little frizzy, perhaps, but not that bad. Even so, I brushed it quickly and threw it up into a bun before squinting at my reflection again. I looked tired. The bags under my eyes were a little darker than they normally were, but there wasnt much I could be bothered to do about it. Make-up might help cover them up, but I didnt want to put it on. No one would really see me anyway, just the people in the pizza shop. I shrugged and turned away from the mirror, making my way downstairs. Mom was waiting by the front door, typing rapidly on her phone. She didnt even look up as I approached and put my shoes on, waiting until I was ready to go and waiting for her before putting her phone away. Lets go, she said with a sigh, shooting me a disgusted look. Again, I was gripped by the desire to roll my eyes at her or maybe sigh as well. I wasnt sure what it was that had annoyed her quite so much, but she was definitely irritated. She probably wanted me to have put make-up on or something. But then she would have definitely been annoyed that I took too long. There was no winning. She just liked to complain. Even if I looked perfect, there would have been something that shed pick at. My hair would never be neat enough, or shed call me fat. Or tell me I was too thin and hard to look at. There was always something. What about the missions? I heard faintly from my fantasy. I didnt even hesitate as I slipped out the front door, opening my eyes into the classroom. What about them? Rodgers asked with a smile. What are they like? Im pretty sure I asked the exact same question, Rodgers replied. And now Im going to have to give the same answer my tutor did: I cant really tell you. Until you pass the induction period, the amount of information we can disclose to you about the Academy is limited because there is still the slight chance you may not stay with us. Concern shot around the room. Any time any of the tutors mentioned being kicked out of the Academy, that happened. I could feel a change in the atmosphere. It was no longer relaxed. Now, everyone was on edge. Everyone apart from Rodgers, who continued to smile at us. I know, I know, its not fair. I felt the same way, he said. But once youre all definitely staying, Ill be able to tell you more. For now, I will say that the majority of missions youll be going on, especially at first, are fairly local. Generally, you dont leave the country for the first year or so. Really? someone asked. Truly. Im pretty sure I mentioned it in the last class, but its worth repeating. There are spies everywhere. Its not quite as bad as some other countries, like America and Russia, but the UK does still have a surprisingly high number of international intelligence agents living in its midst, Rodgers told us. I doubt well ever be able to find them all, but theyre there. Why? someone else said. Rodgers smiled. There are so many reasons. Some are fairly innocent, perhaps theyre just living here in between missions because they like the country, but others are more concerning. Youll learn all about them in your classes though, he said. In fact man, I am not good at teaching at all. Were out of time, and Ive barely covered anything I was meant to today. Next lesson. Next lesson, I will stick to the syllabus. What class does everyone have next? We have fitness, Abbie said. I have firearms, another girl replied. Okay, great. In that case, Ill leave it there, and tomorrow I will tell you all about Rodgers trailed off, reaching behind him for a piece of paper that lay on the desk and reading it quickly. Oh, oof. Tomorrow were discussing the current political landscape both within this country and internationally. I will be reading up on that tonight. He laughed, and a few people joined in. Abbies hand lifted timidly into the air again. Yes? Um do you not already know about that? she asked. I dont mean to be rude or anything, but it just seems like something a spy would need to know about. Rodgers smile grew. I do. Its drilled into us a lot, but were going to have a bit of a history lesson, and Ill be completely honest with you. Ive not thought about a lot of those facts in well, probably about four or five years. Im probably a little rusty, and I wouldnt want to tell you the wrong thing, he explained. Any other questions? No? Okay, off you go to your next class! I started to get up as the car jolted to a stop. Faint dizziness washed over me as I looked across at my mom. It should be ready by now, was all she said. Do I need your card to pay or anything? I asked. She sighed heavily. No, Ive already paid, she replied, her tone making it clear that I should have already known that, even though there was no way for me to. She sometimes paid on the phone but not always. Im not sure why not. It seemed to be pretty random. Okay, I said as I pushed the car door open and climbed out. 2.41 Its up to you. I had a strange sense of deja vu as I walked across the car park towards the restaurant to pick up our pizza. It wasnt quite deja vu, but an echo. In both worlds, I was walking. My steps were in unison, which made it hard to feel truly present anywhere. It felt murky, muddied. Like I was existing in both worlds, but also neither. I wasnt sure which one I was more present in. In both worlds, I paused, my hand on a door handle. I had to make a decision, to choose which world to be in. I didnt want to, not really, but I chose reality. I pulled the restaurant door open, pushing away the dizziness that tempted me, and blinked in the sudden brightness. It was the smell that grounded me, though. The mouthwatering aroma of freshly baked pizza, rich tomato sauce, and cheese. So much cheese. It was slightly sharp and tangy, and I wanted to eat it immediately. Instead, I forced myself to swallow down the mouthful of saliva and smile at the boy who stood behind the wooden counter near the entrance. Hi, he said, returning the smile. Would you like a table? Um, no, I replied, feeling strangely awkward. Im actually here to pick up an order. My mom placed it. It should be under the name Amanda? I dont know why I felt so uncomfortable talking to him. People ordered and picked up pizzas from there every day. It was a restaurant, but they also did takeaway. He was definitely used to people going in and picking up food, but that didnt help the embarrassment that coursed through me for no reason. Or, maybe there was a reason. I couldnt help but notice that the boy was kind of cute. He was about my age, taller than me too, and he had a nice smile. A really nice smile. Oh, of course. Im pretty sure I took that call earlier, he said. I winced and had to fight the urge to apologise. I didnt hear the phone call, but I didnt need to. I knew my mom well enough to know that she was probably difficult over the phone. Great, I muttered. Give me just a minute, he said. Ill just nip into the kitchen and see if its ready for you. Thanks. I looked around the restaurant as he walked away, trying to keep my eyes off him. The pizzas there werent quite as good as the ones at Tonys, the other Italian restaurant we went to in town, but they were still good. The food was good enough for the place to be packed, even though it was a Thursday. Family, mostly, were seated in the booths, laughing and talking loudly. It brought a smile to my face, even though my heart clenched slightly. I liked seeing other people, other families, being happy together, but it made me jealous. I wished I could be like that. That I could sit with my mom and dad and have a nice meal without anyone shouting at each other or storming out. The only time Id been able to have anything like that was when I was with Mitch. That had been lovely. Even being in Crete with him, pretending to be Alice, the stuck-up brat, had been fun. I felt the dizziness creeping towards me, its movements cautious. Tears burned my eyes. I hated how it felt. It made me so uncomfortable, so sad, because it felt like home. It was home. There was something about that world that made me feel so safe and loved, but I couldnt do it. I couldnt go back there. If I did, and Mitch was I couldnt do it. I could see him, though. The faintest trace of something, maybe a memory, crept into my mind. He was standing there, shirtless, in the hallway of a house. It was no house Id ever been to, though; that much was clear. The walls were covered in strange reeds, or maybe rattan. I wasnt sure what they were, but somehow I knew that it would hurt if I caught my arm on any of the bits that stuck out the top, right at arm level. There was a phantom sting on my bicep, as if I had done just that. But it didnt matter. My eyes were drawn back to Mitch, even in my whatever it was. His stomach was covered in bandages, but he was smiling. Grinning at me. It made me lurch towards the dizziness before I could stop myself. I didnt reach it though. Not before reality hit me. The thing I was thinking of, that I was picturing, wasnt real. It was nothing more than a wish. A hopeless dream. My fantasies, or whatever they were, werent real either, but that image felt different. It was too fuzzy, too blurry. I was just being hopeful. I just needed to believe that he was still alive and didnt hate me for getting him shot. There was another image there too, though. It was equally fuzzy, and I knew it was just conjured up by my mind, but I couldnt help the nausea that rushed through me. Mitch was lying in a hospital bed, a white sheet pulled up high on his chest. It wasnt helping, though. His frail body was still shaking violently. I could see the bones jutting out of his chest. His far too pale skin was stretched across them painfully and was marred with thick black streaks. Infection. An infection had set it and was killing him. He was hooked up to IV bags, multiple, and a tube was nestled in his nose, helping him breathe. There was another one next to it, the colour white. Food. Hed lost the ability to eat. It was only a matter of time before he Theyre just cutting the pizzas and getting them boxed up for you, a voice said, jolting me out of my horrific fantasy. It wasnt real. Somehow, I knew that. It felt real, but it wasnt. Nothing about that fantasy was real. Mitch didnt even look the same. He looked so much older, and his body was more scarred. My Mitch was scarred, but not like that. I was sure. Oh, thank you, I said, letting out a nervous laugh. I hoped the boy wouldnt notice how shaky it was. I was too close to tears, and I had to clench my hands into fists, digging my nails into my palms. It helped. The pain centred me, made it easier for me to look at the boy. Thats alright. Im Archie, by the way, he said, giving me another dazzling smile. Are you new here? I dont think Ive seen you around. Focusing on him helped push some of my lingering panic away. It felt as if I was locking it in a box. Id deal with it later or, ideally, never. That would be better. I could continue living my life, unsure if Mitch was alive or not. I didnt need to think about it. Didnt need to confirm any of my suspicions. I could just tell myself that he was fine. If I didnt think about it, Id never have to find out. I could just cling to the hope that the first image was correct. That he was still alive and didnt hate me. That had to be true. Not really, I told Archie. Im here on holiday. My grandparents have a house here, so were staying for a little bit. Oh yeah? he replied, leaning his hip against the counter and smiling at me. How long are you here for? Behind him, a waitress walked passed and rolled her eyes. He was flirting with me, I realised. I was almost sure of it. A few more weeks, I said. I wasnt sure how to respond to him. I didnt really flirt, not in this world, at least. And I wasnt even sure if he was flirting. Maybe he was just making conversation. Great, he said. Do you have much planned for whilst youre here? His question didnt clarify anything. He might have just been talking to me and trying to fill the silence, but there was something about the way he was looking at me. The way he waited for my answer. Not really. Mostly just relaxing and going for a few runs, I said with a slight shrug. His eyes dropped lower, following the lines of my body slowly. He was checking me out. Definitely flirting. Well, if you ever need a running partner, you should let me know, he suggested. I feel like we could have some fun. I had no response to that. It was extremely clear that he was flirting with me, and I couldnt think of anything to say to him. It was nice, in a way. Flattering. But, at the same time, I felt guilty. Duncan hovered in my mind. We werent dating, or even close to it, but it still felt a little like I was cheating on him. I opened my mouth to reply when a light on the counter flashed. Archie heaved a heavy sigh. Duty calls, he said, nodding at it. Ill go get you your pizzas. Thanks I glanced down at the phone in my hands as Archie walked away. I wanted to text Duncan, but I had no clue what to say to him. I just wanted to talk though, nothing more. Just a normal conversation. Hey, I typed quickly before pausing. Hows it going? I hit send, cringing at how awkward the message read. It sounded weird. I didnt text him like that. I could have said something else, anything else. I looked at the message again, my fingers hovering over the keyboard as I debated sending another text. My mind was empty, though. No, I decided. Texting him again would be weird. It would make me look desperate, and I wasnt desperate. He was just a friend, nothing more. But even as I thought that, my eyes found our earlier messages. The ones that were definitely more than just friendly. A smile came over my face before I could stop it. Reading the messages just made me happy. I must have read them half a dozen times since Id sent them, but they still gave me butterflies. I wasnt sure if they were more from nerves or excitement though. Both, I think. Flirting with him made me happy but also worried. It was scary, nerve-wracking, but There you go, Archie said as he returned, holding two pizza boxes with a small bag resting on top of them. Ive thrown in some dips. On the house. He grinned at me as he held the boxes out, and I took them, my returning smile much more subdued. I knew that I should be polite to him. It was nice that he gave us free dips, but it also made me uncomfortable. I felt like Id led him on, not that Id really flirted at all, but it still felt like it. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Thanks, I said, realising how many times Id said just that and nothing more. I appreciate it. His smile grew wider. Theres also something else in the bag, he said. My number. Drop me a text sometime. We can go for a run or something The word dangled in the air between us, making it very clear that he was suggesting something other than a run. Something that probably required much less clothing, judging by the way he was looking at me. My cheeks started to burn, and I ducked my head, unable to hold his gaze any longer. My phone, which Id slid onto the pizza boxes so I could carry everything, buzzed loudly. I had to fight the urge to read the message immediately. It was either Duncan replying or my mom demanding to know what was taking me so long. Here, Ill get the door for you, Archie said after a pause. Oh, yeah. Thanks, I said as he squeezed past me to pull the door open. I was careful to avoid touching him at all as I moved past him. Part of me felt like I should say something else or flirt with him, but I didnt want to. Not truly. Instead, I gave him a tight smile and stepped out onto the street, walking toward my moms car without looking back. Was there a queue? she asked the moment I shut the door. Yes, I said. There was no point in not lying. She wouldnt have been able to see me from where her car was parked, and she probably spent the whole time on her phone anyway. There is always such a queue there, she said with a heavy sigh as she began reversing, not even waiting for me to do my seatbelt up. The service is terrible. I was tempted to say it was because Tonys didnt do take out, and when we ate at home, we could eat in complete silence and spent the entire meal on our phones. It was more comfortable that way. I preferred it, even if the food at Tonys was definitely better. Yeah, I agreed, thinking about Archie. It was bad. Mom let out a sigh as she pulled out of the car park and began slowly idling along the road. I dont know why we bother. I opened my mouth to reply, but something began tugging at my awareness. Dizziness was pulling at me, tempting me back to the other world. Not Mitches but the spy world. I let it take me, opening my eyes just as the tutor, Jenna, strode into the gym where we were waiting for her. Good morning, class, she said. How is everyone doing today? There was a scattered reply as a few people mumbled something, but no one truly spoke up. Her expression made it clear she wasnt happy with that. I watched nervously as her eyes scanned the room, landing on each of us. The urge to say something bubbled up within me, but I pushed it down. I felt too awkward and uncomfortable to say anything. I wasnt sure what I would say anyway. My stomach still felt tight and throbbed vaguely whenever I moved, but I couldnt exactly say that to her. She probably meant the question more generally, anyway. Thats what people usually meant when they asked it, and they rarely wanted people to say anything other than that they were alright. Jennas gaze was still roaming the room, her expression expectant. Finally, she let out a sigh. Alright, after yesterday, Im sure a lot of you are feeling quite tired and stiff, she said. That generally happens after such an intense initial session, so what well be doing today is taking things a little more slowly and mainly focusing on stretching so that you can check in on your bodies and make sure youre not pushing yourself to the point of injury. How does that sound? There was another round of murmurs, but it was slightly more enthusiastic that time. I felt the corner of my lips lift in a slight smile. Okay, great! Ill grab the yoga mats from the next room so we can get started, she said, looking around the room again. Her eyes landed on mine. Grace, would you mind giving me a hand? I hesitated. I wanted to help her, of course. She was a teacher, and it felt wrong to refuse, but at the same time, I wasnt sure how much help I would be. The thought of carrying a bunch of yoga mats and feeling them press against my bruised skin made worry build within me. I can do it, Seth said enthusiastically, glancing at me. Hed seen my hesitation and understood why I was reluctant to help, I could tell. He was offering to do it so that I wouldnt have to. Gratitude washed through me. Actually, I would rather Grace assist me, Jenna said in a tone that made it clear that it was not a request but an order. I glanced at Seth before smiling at Jenna. Sure, Im happy to help, I half-lied. She returned the smile before turning and starting to walk towards the door. I followed her, trying to work out what to say to her. Should I lie and pretend that my stomach is fine? Or would it be better to tell her that it was still in a lot of pain? I wasnt sure, and I didnt have a chance to decide what to do. I could feel the car pulling into the driveway of my grandparents house, and my focus immediately snapped to the car. I needed to be ready, to plan. The journey had been too quick, and Id spent the entire time in the other world. I hadnt meant to do that. I should have used the time to work out what to do about the phone number Archie had given me. I wasnt going to use it, obviously, but I needed to get rid of it before my mom saw. If she did, she would become so much more suspicious of me. It would be confirming her existing worries, in a way. Any time I left the house, she would assume I was going to meet him. She wouldnt let me go for runs or would follow me if I did go. Or, she might assume I had already texted him. She would demand to see my phone, would go through my messages. The texts between Duncan and me were still on it. I hadnt deleted them, and I didnt want to. She couldnt read them though. They were too much. The flirting, the date, the mentions of alcohol. If she saw them, Id be subjected to lecture after lecture about the dangers of drinking, speckled with stories from when she was a child and how much she drank at my age but how it never impacted her negatively. It would all be speeches I had heard before. We wouldnt be able to have our date. She would come up with a way to stop me from going on it. Something would happen. I wasnt sure what, but I knew that there would be something. I chewed my lip, my eyes darting to the bag on my lap. The pizzas were burning my thighs through the boxes, but I didnt dare move them. If I did, if I did anything, she might see into the bag. My grip on the boxes tightened slightly, my mind racing. If I could get to the kitchen before her, put the pizza on plates, the dip in a bowl or something, I might be able to find a way to get rid of the napkin with his number on before she saw it. That could work. The car came to a stop, and she switched off the engine. I forced myself to move slowly, deliberately, as I climbed out of the car. I had to look normal, like nothing was going on. That was possible, I told myself. It didnt feel it though. I felt like my every move was so exaggerated and wrong. My mom didnt even look at me. She didnt wait for me to get out of the car before marching towards the front door, nor did she hold it open for me. I hurried after her, my eyes darting to the bathroom door as I moved along the hall. I could probably quickly grab the napkin, dash into there and flush it before she noticed. That was a horrible idea though. If she saw me walk into the bathroom with the pizzas or heard the toilet flush when I should have just been following her, she would ask questions. I couldnt think of a single explanation for why I would do that. Instead, I stuck to my original plan and continued towards the kitchen. Put those out onto plates, she said, waving her hand dismissively towards the cupboard where the plates were kept. Normally, it would have irritated me, but I only felt a trill of hope. It could work. My plan could work. I felt the urge to leave that world and return to the spy world, but I ignored it, focusing instead on looking normal as I crossed the room and placed the food on the counter. I kept my back to my mom, my body blocking the pizzas as I started pulling out two large plates and some ramekins for the dips. I wanted to look back over my shoulder at her, to make sure she was still at the table, where shed sat as I entered the room, but I fought it. It would just make me look suspicious. I started with the pizzas, quickly sliding them onto the plates. My eyes widened. There was a thin square of grease-covered corrugated cardboard under each pizza. It was loose in the box. I could slip the napkin under one of them, and my mom would never think to look there. She wouldnt open a greasy pizza box even if she was suspicious of me. I started to lift the two plastic pots of dip out of the bag, carefully lifting the napkin with them. My heart was racing, even though I wasnt doing anything particularly stressful or strenuous. Whats that? my mom snapped. I froze before carefully dropping the napkin but keeping my grip on the pots and turning towards her. They gave us free dips, I said with a smile. I think it was an apology for how long they took. That was a blatant lie, but I didnt care. I continued smiling at her sweetly, hoping she wouldnt ask any more questions. Thats good, at least, she said with a sniff. I mean, their service is still terrible, but at least theyre aware of that. I agree. I turned again, putting the pots down and slipping the napkin under one of the greasy cardboard and feeling relief wash over me. Hopefully, it was greasy enough that Archies surprisingly nice handwriting would be completely ruined and unreadable if she were to see it somehow. That would be good. Ideal really. I emptied the dips into two ramekins and closed the pizza boxes before shoving them into the bin deeply. It was a completely normal thing to do, I told myself. I was just clearing up now, so we didnt have to do it later. That was a good excuse. I wasnt sure if my mom would believe it, but I felt prepared, at least. She didnt ask any questions though. She barely looked up from her phone as I brought the food over to the table and placed it in front of her. Id gotten away with it, I realised. That meant I wouldnt have to delete Duncans texts just yet. I knew that I should, but I didnt want to. Plus, there was another text from him waiting for me. I couldnt answer it with Mom sitting next to me, though. I swiped across to get rid of the message from my lock screen, watching her from the corner of my eye to make sure she didnt see it, before opening Instagram and beginning to scroll mindlessly. Ive already spoken to the doctor, Jennas voice said, pulling me back to the other world. You have? I heard myself ask as dizziness hit me. I breathed deeply, holding my body carefully to ensure I didnt stumble or sway. Yes. As your fitness teacher, its important for me to be aware of any injuries that students experience to ensure that you are not pushing yourself too far or exacerbating it, she explained. Oh I said. Well, my injury isnt too bad. I dont know why I lied, but I felt like I had to. With that in mind, she continued as if I hadnt spoken, I dont believe that it is safe for you to take part in my class at the moment. You should be resting and not pushing your body too hard until you can move without pain, or mostly without pain. So, you have a few options. My heart had been steadily sinking as she spoke, but now I felt hope starting to enter it again. I do? I asked. Yes. You can either attempt the class and see how you find it. However, this may lead to me telling you to stop if you appear to be pushing yourself too far, she said, causing my cheeks to flush at the imagined embarrassment that would cause. You can sit at the edge of the room and watch. Or you can have some extra lessons with Rodgers. I can? I asked, genuinely shocked. You can. You still need to complete your general knowledge testing in a few days, so you wont be able to cover any topics that will come up in your exams, but you can start on some of the more specialised classes. Specialised classes? I repeated. What kind of specialist classes? Well, that depends, really, Jenna said. Rodgers is pretty well versed in most, so its up to you. Do you want to get started on specialist tech, survival cooking, basic cooking, first aid, or something else in your induction folder? My mind span, and I opened my mouth, unable to think of an answer. Every subject that Jenna mentioned or that I had seen in the folder sounded so interesting, so intriguing. I wanted to learn everything about all of them, but I knew that I needed to choose just one. Jenna was looking at me, a smile on her face as she waited for my answer. It was too much, though. There were too many options. How about you think about that whilst I go grab Rodgers? she asked. I nodded, still unable to speak, as she turned and walked out of the small room we were in. It made sense to start with something like first aid. That would be the most useful, but then specialist technology sounded really interesting too. There were other ones she hadnt mentioned too that I had read about. Like psychology. Id never studied that before, never really even looked into it, but the idea intrigued me. It all did. And it was up to me. It was my choice of what I wanted to study. Not my moms, not a teachers. Mine. I could start to learn about anything, and that made me feel powerful. And, so far, it all seemed applicable to real life. It was all the same. The worlds seemed to be the same, despite being nothing more than a daydream. But that didnt feel right. It didnt feel like just a daydream, not any more. I was learning things in the other worlds, and they felt so real. I could feel pain, taste and more. I I was losing sight of what was real and what wasnt. It was becoming blurred, but I didnt mind. In fact, I liked it. 3.1 Is everyone staying? I wasnt sure what to expect from the private lessons with Rodgers when they first started. I had told him that I wanted to learn everything, which had made him and Jenna laugh, but it didnt feel mean. Hed said hed do his best, but I didnt expect him to actually take me seriously. Having no better place to start, we decided to work alphabetically. Botany was the first subject we focused on, but we didnt stay there for long. It was too easy to get distracted, too easy to go off-topic. Rodgers used too many examples, explained how hed used the information when he was in the field. Hed started earlier than I expected, recruited at thirteen and sent on his first mission when he was fifteen. It was a different time, he explained, even though it was only a couple of years ago. Things werent the same then. He was a great teacher to me and Scott, who joined us after the first couple of days. Scott had been reluctant to tell us what had happened at first, but Abbie had told me everything one evening. It was a climbing accident. He somehow managed to dislocate his shoulder, and Jenna had to put it back in place. The noise had been horrific, apparently, and he had been instructed to rest, just like I had. At first, I was kind of annoyed that he was joining us. I loved being able to just ask Rodgers whatever I thought of, and I was self-conscious about doing that in front of someone else, but Scott asked just as many questions as I did. It was great. He thought of things that I didnt but that I longed to learn more about. It was fascinating to learn how every single subject we were going to study intertwined with others and could be applied to both field work and the behind the scenes work. Rodgers shied away from some topics at first, reminding us that he wasnt allowed to mention anything that could come up in our exams, but as soon as those passed, he told us everything. I soaked up the information like a sponge, constantly eager to hear more. No matter how many questions Scott and I asked him, though, I was never satisfied. It was never enough. I had to know everything, to hear everything, and only then would I be happy. That desire, that desperation, soaked into my real life too. Every night when I fell asleep in my dorm room, after I had recalled everything that Rodgers had said that I could remember for Katie and Abbie, and theyd told me everything that they had covered in their fitness class, I withdrew from the fantasy. I spent my time on my phone. Life became an endless search for knowledge. I was parched, desperate for more. I needed to know everything. My days in Scotland were spent pouring over books, sometimes even textbooks, reading countless Wikipedia articles, and going on endless spirals where I discovered the strangest and most niche topics, but I couldnt stop. It was too interesting. I even downloaded apps to help teach me things. The language apps were my favourite, even if they were nothing compared to the classes we had at the Academy. I spent hour after hour on those apps, muttering words under my breath and memorising new alphabets. I always thought I was terrible at learning other languages. Id barely passed French in school, after all. But that didnt seem to be true. It was difficult, of course, but I enjoyed it. Mom had become suspicious of me, though. I think she noticed a difference in how I was acting, which wasnt that surprising. I felt different. She burst into my room on multiple occasions, demanding to see my phone and bombarding me with questions when she found the apps. She didnt trust what I was doing and felt I was hiding something, which was understandable, really. I found a way around it, though. Im not proud of it, but I kind of manipulated her. I wasnt sure where it came from; I had spoken without thinking when she demanded to know why I was suddenly so studious. It felt cruel, but I told her that she had inspired me. The look on her face both made me feel guilty and spurred me on. I said that her talking to my grandparents about my future made me realise that I needed to take it seriously and get focused. Id heard her bragging about that to someone on the phone later that evening. It was helping. That was a strange realisation that came over me as I lied to my mom. Studying and learning things for the Academy was helping me in reality. The information was correct in both worlds, I had discovered, and that could only be a good thing. It would help my career and my future one day. If I kept at it. Some days were easier than others. Id wake up already excited to study and learn more, but others were harder. I didnt always want to get out of bed. Couldnt bear the thought of lifting my phone to my face and reading anything. My mind didnt always want to focus in either worlds. That made me angry sometimes, but it also pushed me to start working out again. It sounds silly, but it was mostly because of Abbie and Katie. Whenever they talked about what they had done in class, even though it was usually basic things like running, climbing, swimming or weights, it just made me want to do it. I wanted to be able to join in, even though it meant Id have to stop having lessons with Rodgers, which I wasnt ready for. But I could work out in real life without giving that up. It was hard starting again, even though it had only been days since Id worked out last. My body rebelled against me. The first time I tried to swim, I was wracked with stabbing pains in my stomach, radiating out from the fading bruise, that almost made me sick. I had to move slowly, timidly. I started by walking, not running. My phone buzzed, and I looked down immediately, fighting to keep my expression neutral. Is that Phoebe? my mom asked with a sneer, having noticed me glance at my phone. I smiled at her across the table. It is, I lied. There was a moment of silence as I took another bite of pizza, savouring the taste. Even though wed eaten at Tonys so many times over the past three weeks, I still loved it. I knew that Id be sad when we left, and I wouldnt be able to eat there again for almost a full year. How is she? I was a little surprised that Mom even asked. She didnt like Phoebe, and she made that abundantly clear. Repeatedly. Shes good. Having a good time in France now, I replied. It was mostly the truth. She was getting used to it more and finding it easier to interact with people, which she put down to the fact that shed actually started to like the taste of wine rather than any improvements in her language skills. I wasnt sure if that was true, but the drunk texts I had been receiving from her made it seem like a possibility. Although, occasionally, they were in French, and those seemed to almost make sense. My mom snorted but didnt say anything as she continued to pick at her risotto. I forced myself to continue to eat normally rather than rushing to grab my phone like I wanted to. It would be too obvious if I did, and I didnt want my mom to demand to see my text. Then shed know that I was lying. Finishing my pizza, I folded my napkin and placed it on the table before grabbing my phone and sliding out of the booth we had been seated in. I need to use the bathroom, I said to my mom. Okay, she said without even looking up from whoever she was texting. I caught a glimpse of a long message as I walked past her, and part of me was tempted to slow down and read it even though I knew it would be wrong. It was curiosity, more than anything. She didnt really have that many friends, so who could she be texting? My phone buzzed again, distracting me, and I hurried into the bathroom. Shutting the stall door behind me, I sat down and unlocked my phone. Miss you, the first message from Duncan read. You still want to hang out next week? My heart thumped in my chest, and my hands felt clammy as I stared at the text. Wed been texting almost normally since that flirtatious series of messages, and it was a bit of a disappointment. I wanted to flirt with him, but I couldnt think of anything to say or a way to start it. Every time I tried, it just felt wrong. Anything I wrote read badly, so I ended up deleting the messages and just hoped hed say something. Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. But maybe that was why he had asked. Maybe he expected me to flirt with him, and because I hadnt, he was starting to change his mind. I chewed on my lips, anxiety crashing into me as I started to type before deleting it and sending a much shorter message. If you do. That was good. I was telling him that I wanted to see him still without being too forwards about it. That felt good. Or maybe it made me come off like I didnt care. I read the message again. It did sound cold. Like I had only agreed to see him out of pity or boredom, not because I liked him. I didnt want him to think that. Not that I did like him. He was a friend, nothing more. Even that lie felt half-hearted, though. I do if you do, hed sent. I dropped my head back and let out a frustrated sigh. Was he really going to make me say it? I didnt want to. It felt scary, too vulnerable, and I wasnt sure if I was able to do it. But I had to. I could either be coy and make him say it, or I could just do it myself. I could be brave. I had been brave before; it wouldnt be too hard to do it again. I do, I typed quickly, hitting send before I could change my mind. Immediately, I regretted it. What if I was wrong? Maybe he was texting me because hed decided that he didnt want to see me again or didnt actually feel that way anymore? Or maybe he never had. Maybe it was a mistake in the first place, and hed panicked. I barely had time to spiral before my phone buzzed again. Good because I miss you, hed written. I swallowed, my eyes darting up to the first message hed sent me that evening. Hed said that he missed me then too, and I had just ignored it by accident. That made me feel bad, but a smile started to stretch over my face. The idea of Duncan missing me caused butterflies to take flight in my stomach and my heart to race. I missed him too. I hadnt really thought about it too much, hadnt let myself, but I did. Me too, I typed back. It wasnt much, didnt feel like enough, but it was the most I could say. Shouldnt be more than a couple of days, I heard Rodgers say faintly, and I reached out forthe familiar dizziness, needing know what he was talking about. Does it normally take this long? Scott asked, his words tinged with anxiety. I stared at Rodgers, waiting for his answer. It depends, really. The tests are different every year, and your cohort was bigger than most, so it is taking longer than usual, he told us with a slight shrug. Nothing to worry about, though. I looked across at Scott. His expression made it clear that he was still worried. How do we find out our results? I asked. Do we get like a report, or does someone tell us? Rodgers hesitated, his expression conflicted. Both, he said finally. My heart felt like it had missed a beat. Who? Rodgers met my gaze. Usually, he started slowly, youd be meeting with the person who brought you here. They championed your recruitment, after all, so it makes sense that theyre the one who delivers the news. Plus, you have a pre-existing relationship with them from your journey to the Academy. After this, itll be your head of house who leads all progress meetings. My eyebrows drew together at that. Did Rodgers mean that Ms Brice had championed my recruitment? And what did that even mean? I didnt have a chance to ask, though. Scott got there first. What do you mean? he asked. Someone had to support our recruitment? I thought we just passed tests to get here. Rodgers expression became cagy. In part, he said. Scott and I waited for Rodgers to continue speaking expectantly, but he wasnt looking at us. He was examining the brace on his leg. Hed gotten a new one a couple of days ago, and it was taking some time to get used to. In part? I repeated, trying to prompt him to tell us more. He sighed heavily. Fine, youve both passed the tests, so youre staying here anyway, he muttered before raising his voice. The results of all tests get sent through to a committee, generally made up of the tutors here, but thats hundreds of kids. Thousands, maybe. They only look at the ones who hit all their criteria and begin narrowing it down from there. Its a huge process. Takes years. Whats the criteria? Scott asked a second before I could. Rodgers laughed. Even I dont know the answer to that one, he said with a shrug. What happens after that? I asked. Once they narrow it down? The teachers comb over your files, narrowing it down even further before putting forwards the ones they think will be most successful here and their reasons why. Then comes the summit. It was clear from the way Rodgers said the word that it was a big deal. Whats the summit? A huge meeting that happens once a year with the committee for every Academy across the country. They present the potential choices, vote on them anonymously, and, on the final day, they submit their choices to support, Rodgers explained. Theres another committee that compiles the votes and decides who will be assigned to whom, but its a secretive affair More secretive than the rest of it. I could speak for a few seconds. Scott was silent too. The idea of someone, an entire committee, pouring over my test results and voting on whether or not I deserved to be at the Academy made me feel uncomfortable, but also good. Id been chosen. Chosen by Ms Brice and whoever else had voted for me. After a few moments, my brain finally realised what Rodgers had said before. Wait, I said, leaning forwards as shock crashed into me. Did you say were staying here? Scotts head snapped around to stare at me before looking back at Rodgers, who grimaced. What? Scott whispered. We get to stay? Mmmm, Rodgers deliberated. Im really not meant to answer this. You already did though, I said. You said were both staying, didnt you? Rodgers glanced at the classroom door, as if checking to make sure that no one was about to walk in before sighing heavily. Neither of you can breathe a word of this to anyone, he said, sending us both a warning look. Okay? Okay, Scott and I said at the same time. Rodgers hesitated for a moment longer before shaking his head. Youre not meant to know this yet. Not until the meetings but you. Youre both staying. Tears threatened my eyes immediately, and I lifted a hand to my mouth as hope wrapped around my heart. It almost hurt. Id been worried, so worried, the entire time I had been at the Academy. It was too good, and it felt like it could all be ripped away from me in an instant, but hearing Rodgers say that we were staying felt so unreal. Are you sure? I asked. Yes, he replied immediately. Im not meant to know either, but because Ive taken you both under my wing, Im going to be sitting in on the meetings too. I found out yesterday. But Scott started to say before shaking his head. There was a dazed expression on his face, making it look like hed been hit with something. It was meant to be in part because they think I might have a future in teaching, Rodgers continued, but now, maybe not so much because I cant keep my mouth shut for five minutes. We did it, Scott muttered quietly. Rodgers expression softened, and he smiled at us. Sorry, he said. I remember how much of a big deal it was for me too, when I found out I was staying. It made everything feel a bit more certain. A bit safer. I didnt quite believe it at first, but once it sunk in, it felt great. That was exactly how I felt. I wanted to stay at the Academy so much, and being told that I didnt have to leave was freeing. Scott nodded, unable to speak. Is everyone staying? I heard myself ask. I wanted to ask about Katie, Abbie and Seth specifically, but it felt wrong to. It made me nervous. If he said that they werent and that I couldnt tell them, I wasnt sure that Id be able to do it. Im not sure, Rodgers said. I scanned his face, searching for any sign that he was lying or hiding the truth from us. Youre not? No, he replied. They only told me about you two. The others will find out during their meetings. I glanced at Scott. He looked worried too, and I knew he was thinking about the same people I was. Wed become friends, the five of us. If someone didnt get to stay, it wouldnt feel right. I wanted to know, to be able to prepare myself, but more than that, I wanted to warn them. When will the meetings happen? I asked. There was another pause before Rodgers spoke. The end of the week. My phone buzzed, sending me hurtling back to reality as I walked across Tonys. I glanced at my mom. She wasnt facing me and hadnt looked up. I could check my phone without her questioning it. I slowed, still moving by barely, as I read the text from Phoebe. What was the name of that movie that we watched like two years ago? That really weird one that gave me nightmares for like a month? shed written. I snorted softly. You need to give me more detail than that, I replied. I cant even count the number of films that have given you nightmares. Glancing up at my mom again, I made sure she hadnt spotted me. She was still texting someone, I noticed. I could just about see her phone over her shoulder. The person had replied. The message was so long. It took up the entire screen. Thats not fair! It doesnt happen that often anymore! Phoebe complained. It was that one with the aliens and the monster and they came out of the tv or something? I dont remember but I was trying to explain it to my cousin and she looked at me like Ive lost my mind. I stared at the message blankly. Wed watched so many films over the years, all Phoebes suggestions. Loads of them had aliens or monsters, and a few had things coming out of televisions, but I couldnt think of anything that had all three. I truly have no clue, I replied. Did you google it? Yes! came Phoebes immediate response. I cant find anything that sounds familiar, but Ive added like five more things to our watchlist. I grinned at my phone. Awesome. Ill have a think and let you know if I remember it? 3.2 Exactly what a spy would say! I sunk back onto my bed, a smile on my lips. I was happy. It was a weird sensation. One I wasnt quite used to. It made me a little uncomfortable, but I liked it. I rolled over, pulling the duvet higher and ignoring the faces staring down at me from the magazines taped to the walls. They still made me uneasy, but it didnt take away from how good I felt. Things were just going well for me. In both worlds, life felt like it was going okay. Mostly. It was still difficult to put up with my mom, and she was definitely suspicious of me, but I was happier. I was distracted too, but in a good way. I was learning, focused on studying, and that had consumed so much of my day. Now, as I lay in bed, trying to sleep, I was exhausted. My mind was drained and sluggish, but still, I couldnt fall asleep. I wanted to, I was so tired, yet I found myself reaching out for the other world. Things were still happening there. I couldnt just fall asleep and let time pass there without me experiencing it. I wouldnt let myself. Can you pass the pepper, please? Scott asked, gesturing towards the pepper mill on the other side of me. Katie got to it before I could, though, smiling at him as she handed it over. I looked down to hide my grin. It was so clear that she was into him. Shed fallen so hard, even if she wouldnt admit it yet. She went out of her way to talk to and interact with him. Abbie met my gaze and glanced between the two of them pointedly. She saw what was going on with them too. Shed brought it up to me when Katie was showering a couple of days ago, saying that shed seen how Katie looked at him. Id kind of felt bad, though. Abbie had haltingly asked me how I felt about Scott and if I had any feelings for him. That shocked me. I dont know why really. It was an understandable question to ask, I guess. I did spend a fair bit of time with him in our extra classes with Rodgers, but he was just a friend. It hadnt even occurred to me that they might think I was into him. I thought it was pretty clear how I felt about both him and Seth, but maybe I should have made it more obvious. When Abbie asked me, Im fully aware that I just stared at her blankly for a while. And then I made a point to mention Scott, and what a good friend he was once Katie was out of the bathroom. Just a friend, nothing more. But I made sure to say that I thought it would be cool if one of my friends were to date him. Abbie almost choked on her water when I said that. Even as I lay in my bed at my grandparents house, I felt a smile come to my lips. It was a silly thing to say, but I was glad that I did. Katie had blushed and looked away. Shed tried to play it cool, agreeing that someone should date Scott because he seemed like a really nice person, but Abbie and I had seen straight through that. How was the rest of weapons today? Seth asked, pulling me back to the present. I felt my face scrunch up slightly. Seth had missed the second half of the class. A doctors appointment or something. That worried me. It was probably nothing, and I knew that, but I couldnt forget what Rodgers had told us. They already knew that some people were staying, which might have meant they already knew that some people werent. What if they werent sure about Seth? What if he wasnt allowed to stay? Sadness shot through me, accompanied by guilt. I wanted Seth to stay. I liked him a lot, but it felt wrong. I knew that Duncan and I werent exactly dating, but we had a date planned. Flirting with someone or being into them, even if it was in another world, felt a little like cheating. Every time I talked to Seth, I felt conflicted. It hovered at the back of my mind, making me feel bad. But maybe I shouldnt have. It was another world, nothing more than a fantasy, kind of. I could do whatever I wanted there, and it didnt have any bearing on reality or what I was doing there. Plus, Seth was really nice to me. I liked talking to him and spending time with him. He reminded me a lot of Duncan, which made me feel simultaneously better and worse. I felt my mouth open to reply, but I couldnt stay there. I didnt want to. Vague dizziness washed over me as I pulled back, returning to my bed. I stared at the dark ceiling blankly, trying to work out what to do. Waiting seemed like the best option. I was almost finished with my dinner, so I could just stay out of that world until it was done, and I went upstairs with Abbie and Katie. I wouldnt need to deal with Seth or how I felt about him or anything. That would be easier. A sigh slipped out of my mouth as I rolled over. What could I do until then, though? I started to reach for my phone before stopping myself. I had countless apps on it that I could go through to distract myself until I felt comfortable returning to the other world, but I just didnt really want to. My mind was too tired. I knew that Id just be scrolling through them without taking anything in, which would be a waste. There was no point in doing it when Id just have to repeat the lessons when I was more awake. But then what? I couldnt just lie there and do nothing. That was so boring. It had been minutes, less than that probably, and I could already feel my mind rebelling. The thought of spending any longer just lying in silence with nothing to distract myself felt unbearable. But I wasnt necessary. I didnt have to just wait. There were other worlds out there. Fun ones that I could dip into for just a little without ever having to think about them again. Fear nudged at my heart, and my mind recoiled. There were countless worlds, but some of them were terrifying. I didnt want that. I didnt want to go back to a world where Id be killed or worse. I wanted something fun. Something calmer than the others. Similar to the spy world but more fantastical. Short though. I didnt want anything Id need to keep track of or return to. With that thought, a wave of dizziness lurched out towards me, the sensation entirely different from any Id felt before. My lips pulled up into a smile as I dove into it. Vertigo rocked me, and I shut my eyes, waiting for the nausea to subside. My body felt strange. I was oddly detached from it as I lay there, but the world gradually became more real until I could feel the clothes on my body and something hard under me. I opened my eyes. Darkness. I was surrounded by darkness. For a moment, I thought I was back in reality, but then I looked around. I couldnt see anything, not even the light creeping in under the door, but then I realised I wasnt in bed. I was lying down, but it wasnt a bed. Starting to move my arms experimentally, I felt fabric slip off them. It was a strange sensation. Despite having long sleeves, I could still feel the material. It felt almost like water or something. But it wasnt water, I realised as my hand brushed against it again. Silk. I was surrounded by silk. No, it was more than that. I was locked in a box of silk chemises. Panic hitched in my chest, and I started to thrash. I couldnt remember why Id been hidden in there, but there was no escape. I couldnt grab onto anything or get any purchase. The clothes were too slippery. It made it impossible. It was like I was sinking into quicksand, unable to free myself and destined to stay trapped forever. Or until we reached our location, and then theyd open the box and find me. That thought made me struggle even more. I couldnt do that. I couldnt let that happen. But, at the same time, I felt myself pull back slightly. Id wanted a world that was fun and free from panic, but that was not what I had found. Maybe it would be better if I just went home. I could lie in bed and wait until I was finished eating in the other world. Twenty minutes or so of doing nothing couldnt be that bad. My flailing hand brushed against a rope, and hope leapt within me. I reached out for it again, my fingers closing around it that time. That was better. I could use it to pull myself out of the silk. Id no longer be sinking and could get to the edge of the box. But then what. I couldnt remember why I was there, those memories hadnt appeared yet, but I knew that was what I had to do. Heaving my body upwards using the rope, I looked around. The thinnest slither of light was sneaking into the box near the top corner. I tried to focus on it, but there wasnt enough illumination. All I could see was a tiny hint of brightness. But that was enough. That was my target. I used the rope attached to the lid to pull myself closer to the square of light, unsure what to do next, but my body took over. I reached out tentatively towards it, my fingertips barely brushing against it. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. A soft metallic brushing noise sounded before the box was flooded with light. I cringed away from it, squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to protect myself from the dazzling brightness that seared my brain. But I couldnt hesitate for too long. I reached for the edge of the hole and hauled myself out. It wasnt graceful. I flopped onto the cold rubber floor hard, silk chemises sliding out with me, before rolling to my feet. I was crouched, waiting and listening carefully to make sure that no one had heard me. But there was no noise. Nothing other than the soft humming that filled the air. Good. I was safe. I edged towards the box again, quickly jamming the clothes back in before swinging the flap shut again. The wood seemed to melt back together, sealing perfectly. A tiny trill of fear shot through me. I had just gotten rid of my one hiding space. Now, I only had one option. I wasnt quite sure what that was, exactly. I just knew that there was one. But it didnt matter. I had other things to focus on. My eyes roamed the darkened room that I was in rapidly, searching for anyone hidden in the shadows, but I was alone. It looked like a cargo hold, not that Id ever seen one before. There were rows of giant boxes, just like the one I had been smuggled aboard in. Other than that, I had no clue where I was. The room was swaying slightly, I realised. That feeling was familiar. It felt like I was on a boat. Was I back in Mitchs world? I couldnt be. Id wanted a new world, not the one I was trying to avoid. I started to pull out of the world, searching the dizzinesses that hovered at the edge of my mind. Ah, that one was still there. I didnt even need to touch it to know that it was Mitchs. So the world I was in wasnt the same. But then, where was I? On the other side of the hold, I could see a window. A small circular spot of light. I started to pad towards it, staying low to remain out of sight, before stopping. What was I wearing? I looked down, my eyes widening in shock. The dress I was wearing was low cut and I was pretty sure I had a corset on. Id never worn one before, obviously, but I could feel the tightness of it pressed against my skin. The bones were digging in ever so slightly, making it harder for me to bend. Long sleeves too, of course. The fabric was white and flowing but tight around my wrists before flaring out slightly. And the skirt, I realised, was huge. It probably wasnt that big, but it was much more than I was used to wearing in either worlds. There were so many layers, making the skirt fuller but heavy. I shook my head. I didnt have time to worry about what I was wearing. I needed to get to the window and work out where I was. I took another step forwards, silently whispering a thanks to whoever had ensured I was in flats and not heels. My fingers trailed against the boxes as I passed them, the sensation making my skin tingle. At first, I barely even noticed it, but after a few boxes, I stopped and looked down at my fingertips. They looked normal enough. I hadnt really spent that much time analysing my fingerprints in either world, so I wasnt sure if there was anything unusual about them. There was the slightest dip in the centre of each one, but that could have been how they always looked here. It didnt matter, I reminded myself, continuing to move towards the window. Finally, I reached it. Stretching up on my tiptoes, I peered out. My mind turned blank. For a moment, not a single thought came to me, but then I was hit with shock. There were clouds. That was all I could see. An endless expanse of clouds floating just below us. Was I on a plane, then? But I couldnt hear the engine. There was just the same faint buzz that Id heard before, and that wasnt loud enough for an airplane. Unless I had stumbled into a really advanced world? Maybe in that world, they had planes that were almost silent. Maybe that was the norm. It would make sense. I wasnt particularly surprised. Part of me was, of course, but Id already turned away from the window and had begun examining the boxes. I was looking for something but not finding it. Frustration washed through me. I didnt have time to walk along each of the boxes and search them for information. I needed My eyes roamed the hold before landing on the heavy metal door built into the far wall. There was another round window on it, but that wasnt what I cared about. It was the stack of papers tucked into the metal holder on the back of the door that held my attention. The cargo manifest would be there. That was what I needed. I started to sneak toward it, watching the window carefully. If anyone saw me before I had a chance to look through it, that would make things difficult. I needed to be sure before I acted. If the cargo was wrong it would be an issue. One I wasnt willing to deal with. After what felt like an eternity, I reached the door. There was no movement from outside, which felt wrong. Why wasnt there anyone guarding the cargo? I was probably right, then. This was the correct route; the cargo was worthless. Every other route was dummy cargo. Wed watched for ages to work that out, but I was almost certain that we had timed it right. My hands closed around the thick stack of papers, pulling them free before rushing back to the safety of the boxes. There, shielded from view through the windows, I started to pour over the papers. They were written in a ridiculous flowing handwriting, essentially calligraphy, but that didnt surprise me. It made too much sense. A growl of frustration almost slipped out of my lips as I read. The information there wasnt enough. It was meaningless to me, but part of me understood it, causing a deep feeling of disappointment to settle over me. I thought theyd be sloppier. I expected them to be less careful, which meant I needed to change my plan. It was too much of a risk. Five minutes. Thats all I needed, which meant I had two options. Open a box, potentially alerting people to my presence and making them extremely aware of what I was doing, not that I actually knew what I was doing yet. Or, the second option. Make them aware of my presence and control the situation, giving my people the chance to confirm the information. I didnt have a communique on me, though. That was too much of a risk. They were too big and bulky, too easily spotted. My people would be able to get the results to me somehow, though; I knew that. If they acted, Id know what they had found. If not, I knew what to do. The second option was better. If I opened a box and confirmed the content, it would be a struggle to pass the information to my people without hitting the emergency alerter. That would be stupid. They would spot the signal leaving their ship, and then what? I wouldnt be able to slip out. Not that Id be slipping out if I went for the second option either. But Id get to speak to him. Confirm that he was who we thought he was. I peeked over the box at the door again, and a smile came to my face. My decision was made. I rushed towards the door, slipping the papers back into place. They looked perfect. No one would even know Id looked through it. I was good at this. Too good at this. And my timing had been wonderful. A shadow passed over the window just in time. I reached for the handle, rearranging my expression into one of timidness and fear just in time. The heavy door swung open with a creak, and the person walking past jumped in shock. Oh, I gasped, stumbling backwards in an act of terror. What the flip are you doing here? the woman barked at me. I continued backing away, ensuring that I looked scared, as I scanned her carefully. Dark trousers, new, not worn yet. Leather harness on her thigh looked more worn, though. Same with the knife tucked into it. No gun, good. A sword on her hip, though. Big ruby on the butt. White buttoned shirt, dark coat. Matched the colour and fabric of the trousers. That checked out. They were new, evidenced by the tube in their nose too. Theyd joined the crew for money, not for any sense of morality or family. I could use that. She stepped forwards towards me as I reached the box behind me. Her expression almost made me laugh. She was glaring too much, trying too hard to come across as scary. Of course, I had to play along. Had to make it seem like I was terrified of her. I stowed away! I yelped as the woman reached for her knife. Not sword. Stupid move. Shed need to get closer to me to be able to use it, and I could disarm her before that. But it was all about appearances; I knew that. A knife is scarier than a sword. Which port did you get on the ship? she demanded. Verander! The womans eyes flicked up and down as she scanned my clothing before snorting. Why? Why did you hide down here? I want to join the crew! I lied. I heard theres no way to join properly, so so I snuck on board! So you snuck into the hold? the woman asked, her tone making it clear she doubted me. Why? Why not somewhere else? It was open! Another lie. I mean, it was open, but it was also guarded. The pirates on this ship might have been bought, but they were pretty good at what they did. Not good enough for my crew, though. No one was. The womans eyes narrowed. It was clear she didnt fully believe me, but it didnt matter. I didnt need her to believe me; I just needed to stall for long enough that my crew decoded the information Id transmitted to them from the sensors in my fingertips. It was working. I suppressed the urge to smile as I cowered back before realising what Id just thought. I had sensors in my fingertips? Since when? And theyd transmitted something to my crew? I had a crew? What was going on? The urge to examine my fingers and search them for signs of the sensors was so strong, but I pushed it aside. There was no need for me to look at them; I could remember them being implanted. A man smiled at me from behind a mask, the corner of his eyes crinkling and his bald head glinting in the light as he leaned forwards over my hands. The skin had been peeled back, and wires ran along the lengths of my fingers. It was beautifully done. They mingled with my nerves and veins perfectly, becoming almost invisible. That sounds like something a spy would say, the woman said accusatorially as her grip tightened on her knife. She was going to pounce. Her body was tightening slightly, her muscles preparing for a fight. Im not a spy, I cried, trying to sound panicked. Exactly what a spy would say! The woman started to leap forward, lifting her knife. I demand an audience with your captain! 3.3 Maybe I realised Im not at risk at all. The pirate froze, and I saw irritation cross her face, but I knew she wouldnt refuse my request. She couldnt. It was an international law. Everyone had to follow it, and if anyone found out that she hadnt, it would be an issue. More than just an issue. No one wanted to work with a pirate who had no morals and wouldnt obey the rules. Especially if she went against her captain, which was exactly what killing someone who had requested an audience with the captain counted as. Thats why I had yelled it. It made it more likely that shed listen to me. The chances of someone else overhearing us and coming to investigate were too high for the pirate to risk doing anything other than agreeing to my demand. She knew that too, and I was certain she also knew what the punishment would be if she didnt. If she was lucky, theyd just brand her and drop her off at the nearest port, but The woman growled at me again and sheathed her knife, a glare marring her features. It was a challenge for me to keep the scared look on my face. I wanted to smile. My plan was working perfectly. Shed walk me through the ship, either to the captains quarters or to his cabin on the deck, and Id get a good look at everything. That would be enough for me to confirm my suspicions, and even if my crew werent able to decode the information in time, Id still be able to decide what to do next. Theyd be able to act based on what I did. I wasnt sure how, but part of me knew that for sure. I cringed back as the woman walked towards me. Dont be such a coward, she spat as she seized my bicep, her fingers digging in much tighter than necessary. She squeezed me hard as she dragged me forwards, out of the cargo hold and into the corridor. I stared around, making sure to keep my expression wide-eyed and full of wonder. It wasnt particularly hard. Although in this world, I had seen countless ships even more grand than the one I was on, the real me hadnt. The majesty of it took my breath away. The floor was lined with a spotless crimson carpet with some kind of golden motif design that I didnt entirely recognise. The walls were mostly bare but made of a dark and gleaming cherry wood. It would almost be a crime to cover them, but the captain had still decided to. Oil portraits with ornate gold frames of people some part of me vaguely recognised were dotted around. The expressions were stern; they sneered down at whoever walked past. It wasnt until wed climbed a set of narrow stairs that we came across another person, though. They did a double take when their eyes fell on me before quickly dipping lower and focusing on my chest for a solid few seconds, making the urge to cover up grow within me. I stepped closer to the pirate holding my arm, pretending to be scared. Whos this? the guy asked. Someone escaped? I refused to react to that, but it confirmed a suspicion. No, you idiot. Wrong route, my pirate told them. They snuck aboard. Confusion crossed their face before being replaced with concern. When? they asked sharply. Embarked in Verander. Apparently, she said, hissing that last word at me. I cowered away from her, struggling weakly to free my arm from her grasp as if suddenly changing my mind about joining the crew. Her grip tightened, and her smile turned cruel. Where you taking her? She demanded an audience with the captain, the woman said, her voice taking on a mocking tone as she repeated my words. The other pirate laughed, the noise hacking and loud. Well, lets see what he has to say about that! they spat gleefully. Panic flared briefly in my chest, but I pushed it aside. There was no need to be scared. I knew who the captain was. I couldnt recall his name or face, other than the not entirely accurate oil painting of him Id passed earlier, but I was still certain that I knew him. Part of me did, at least. I let myself be dragged forwards, the grip on my arm even tighter as we continued our journey through the ship. Countless jeering pirates joined the procession, and I examined their faces carefully, but luckily I didnt know a single one. Every single pirate had plastic tubes disappearing up their nostrils, which made it even less likely that I knew them. There were a few that seemed vaguely familiar, but none were familiar enough for me to be concerned. They wouldnt know my face. Not the one I was wearing, at least. Eventually, we climbed a final set of stairs and emerged onto the bustling open space. Even more faces turned to look at us as I was hauled forwards across the perfectly shined wooden deck, and I stared back, glad that I was pretending to be awe-stricken and new to that world. It was a good character to play and gave me the perfect excuse to be looking around so much. That was needed. I had to check and see if there were any girls there. They wouldnt be kept below deck, not all of them, at least. I didnt trust that crew, and I was almost certain theyd bring at least a few up each time. I couldnt see them, though. There were no cages, no girls bound in bulky chains. There was nothing except crates and supplies, secured with thick ropes to protect them from the turbulence. Finally, my eyes found the edge of the ship, and I gasped. It was a sight part of me had seen hundreds, if not thousands of times, but it still took my breath away. The ship coasted just above the clouds, meaning that all I could see was a vast carpet of fluffy white that looked so soft that I immediately wanted to feel them brush against my cheek. I could imagine falling into them, the gentle caress of the vapour as it cradled me softly, lovingly. Logically, I knew Id fall straight through them and go plummeting towards the ground below, but that didnt stop longing from gripping my heart. I tore my eyes away from the clouds, returning to scanning the deck and the people on it. It was clear where we were going. I could see him already. He was standing on a raised platform, the mostly decorative wheel to one side. Id expected him to be behind it, posing for his crew, but instead, he was leaning over a table, talking intently with another pirate. They looked more concerning. Her clothes were nothing like the others. They were worn, clearly old and chosen for purpose rather than appearances. There was no tube in her nose, and she had a gun on her hip. I could see the sun glinting off it as we made our way closer. Could she be the final crew member we had no information on? I recognised her. Or at least, I was almost sure I did. She looked like someone Id run into before. Or maybe Id just seen her around. Her face could have been plastered on wanted posters all over the ports. That would make sense. The captain was new and dumb, and the crew bought and inexperienced. His dad needed someone good. Someone who he could trust to run things whilst the captain kept up his foolish charade of leadership. There had to be someone actually making sure the ship took off and got to where it needed to be, but I thought wed worked out who that was. One of my crew members recognised a name from the list of pirates onboard. They were certain he was the person actually in charge. The woman was an unexpected variable, and that worried me. If she was as experienced as she looked, she could become a problem. It was clear she knew how to fight. She was small, short and petite, but her arms were chiselled. If it came down to a fight between us, I wasnt sure who would win. But I had a secret weapon. Something she wouldnt see coming. And I didnt need to win to use it. Sir, the pirate holding me said hesitantly as we stopped at the bottom of the short set of stairs leading to where the captain and the woman stood. I recognised her. I was sure of it. But where from? Neither of them looked up from whatever they were pouring over. I longed to crane my head to look at it, but I couldnt. That wouldnt be right for a terrified damsel who had mistakenly found their way onto the ship. What? the man asked in a nasal and dismissive voice. Hed never win the respect of his crew by treating them like that. It made me want to scoff. He was acting like he was so much better than them. As if they werent worthy of his time. Only a noble would be stupid or ignorant enough to do that. We the pirate started before trailing off and having to try again. We found a stowaway. The use of the term we was interesting. It hadnt been a joint discovery; it had only been her. Was the crew so scared of him that they refused to take accountability for their actions? That would make sense too. Maybe he ruled with an iron fist and doled out punishments easily. Of course, punishments were sometimes necessary for a captain to use, but too many indicated that he had no clue what he was doing. That was a good thing to know. It meant that, in combat, his crew would fight desperately but not necessarily well. Theyd be motivated by fear and nothing else. I could use that. The captain finally looked at me, and I let my eyes widen. I wanted him to think I was shocked by his appearance. That he was so handsome, so dashing, that hed taken me off-guard. Of course, that wasnt the case. He looked like every other noble boy whose Daddy gave them a ship and told them to make a name for themselves whilst secretly bankrolling them. His appearance was too careful; I think thats what gave it away. His curled hair was carefully coifed and styled to look windswept, despite not moving at all in the breeze that blew across the deck. It was clear hed been deliberate in his clothing choice too. He looked like hed walked into a tailor, who had probably never met a pirate before, and asked for whatever one might wear, making the outcome impractical. Almost as impractical as what I was wearing, but at least I had a reason for that. Hed layered a thick coat, speckled with too many shining gold buttons, over a waistcoat, a silk button-down top with a ruffled neck and what appeared to be both a cravat and an ascot. It was a lot. I bet it took him so long to get dressed every morning. Hadnt anyone told him how stupid he looked? Surely the woman standing next to him and watching me carefully would have mentioned it? Unless she was scared of him too. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. Oh? the captain said, cocking his head as he examined me. Yes! She requested an audience with you. The pirates grip on my arm had loosened so much that I could have pulled away easily, but why bother? I was exactly where I wanted to be. The captains eyebrow raised. Oh, did she now? And what is that thats so important you had to speak to me? I pressed closer to the pirate beside me, pretending to be too overcome by fear or anxiety to speak. She said she wanted to join the crew, but I think shes a spy! the pirate beside me said, their grip tightening again. The crowd that had gathered behind us began to hiss and stomp on the deck, the noise deafening but nothing I hadnt heard before. The captains lips twitched as he looked over the horde, clearly enjoying the situation. The woman I couldnt place wasnt, though. She just watched what was unfolding with a bored expression. Come up here, the captain said, causing the pirate to drag me up the steps. I intentionally caught my toes on one of the steps, stumbling and almost falling. Laughter broke out behind me, and I ducked my head, praying that my cheeks would flush. They didnt, though, but it didnt matter. The captain was barely paying any attention to me. It was almost entirely on the pirates. The woman was looking at me again, though. An amused smile played around her lips as she met my gaze. I definitely recognised her. I was certain of it. But where from? And if I recognised her, would she recognise me? I wasnt wearing my real face, but we didnt have time to get a new one. It was a mask Id worn a couple of times before. I ripped my gaze away from the woman, looking up at the captain again. He was looking at me, a smirk on his lips. I looked down quickly, pretending to be unable to hold it any longer. I wasnt, though. My gaze found the papers theyd been pouring over, and I began reading quickly, memorising as much of the information as I could. It was exactly what I was looking for. Suppliers, pick up and drop off dates. How foolish that man was to have it out in the open where anyone could see it. Too young to be a spy, the captain decided, causing me to meet his gaze again. And the clothing? Clearly, youre wealthy, my dear. I assume youve run away from an arranged marriage? I flinched and had to look away. That hit too close to home, I realised with surprise. I could remember him, remember the man Id been betrothed to without my consent. My parents planned the partnership, caring more about the impact it would have on their business than whether or not I wanted to marry a man so many years older than me. He didnt care either. My would-be husband. Memories crashed into me. The man, his hair already speckled with grey, smiled down at me as he wrapped a possessive hand around my waist, holding me too tightly. A phantom hand seized my wrist, squeezing it to the point of pain as he whispered in my ear that there was no escape. But that wasnt the only pain he caused me. No. The scars on my arms, hidden by my long sleeves, were a reminder of that. A warning to never let another man touch me or hold power over me. And I wouldnt, regardless of the way the captain looked at me. He reminded me of the man I was betrothed to. It was the pitying way he was looking at me, like he knew everything about me. I felt myself withdraw from that world slightly as confusion crashed into me. How old was I there? I could feel that I was older than in real life, but I had no clue how big the difference was. My memories were adding to the uncertainty, though. I remembered living at home, being betrothed to be married, running in the middle of the night, but none of that indicated how old I was or how many years had passed since I left home. It felt like it had been a while, though. The captain must have seen me flinch because he laughed. The noise was cold and cruel, exactly what I expected from someone who dealt in trafficked people and helped reunite abusive husbands with their runaway wives. The other pirates reaction was interesting, though. Something flitted across her face before it became carefully blank again. I wasnt quite sure, but it looked almost like hatred. Unadulterated and burning hatred. Well, you might still have some use to us, the captain said, his tone edging towards condescending. Have you been on a ship before? I wasnt sure how much time had passed since we started speaking. It felt like it had been long enough for my crew to have gotten the information they needed, but I had to be certain. Dragging out the conversation would help. Once, I said, my voice purposefully meek. My father took me on a ship when I was a child. And have you had any training? he continued. Can you tie knots or fight? I looked down and shook my head. Pardon the interruption, the pirate holding me said hesitantly. But how can we be sure shes not a spy? It was a valid question, considering the fact that I was. Too young, the captain said dismissively. How old are you, girl? His use of the term girl made my stomach turn. It was so belittling. He wasnt much older than I was, anyway. Twenty-four. That felt true, but it still surprised me. Twenty-four was the oldest Id been in any world. I was an adult, and that felt so strange. It felt so old and grown up compared to real life, where I was just fifteen. Nine years. I was nine years older. In that world, Id done so much with my life. I couldnt remember everything, but the flashes of memories that I had seen made that clear. And it made me think about real life. What would I be doing when I was twenty-four? Id be finished school, obviously. University, too. Then what? I didnt have any kind of plan for afterwards. Id never really even considered it, despite our teachers telling us that we had to start thinking about the future and working towards it. I didnt want to, though. The mere thought of it made my skin crawl. Ah, I assume you came straight from your parents estate? the pirate asked, interrupting my thoughts. They told you a marriage had been decided, and you didnt like the man? Or maybe you decided that you didnt want to be a kept woman, worrying only about the latest trends and whether your maids will be able to pick everything up from the market? A laugh shot through the pirates behind me at his words. Fury built within me, but I just looked down. His tone was so dismissive and condescending, even though it was clear that he too came from luxury. The ship was handed to him, nothing more than a present, yet he mocked me for wanting the same things he had? He hadnt earned his ship, not like I had. Id started from nothing, worked my way up until I commanded a crew. They were more than that, though. They were my family. And, unlike my real family, they actually loved me. They would never sell me. My hands curled into fists as I fought to keep the anger from my face. The captain in front of me smiled smugly, certain that he had figured me out. Bartholomew, I remembered slowly. That was his name. Son of Nathaniel, shipping merchant and purveyor of fine goods; Herbs, spices, and other exotic items from the far-flung regions of our fine empire. He had questionable business dealings, but his paperwork was too good. His accountant covered a lot for him, making it hard to pin anything on him. But not his son. Bartholomew was a different story. He must have refused to work with the accountant. Maybe he thought he didnt need to, that no one would be looking into his dealings too closely. Or perhaps it was just pure arrogance. It wouldnt surprise me if he truly believed he was above it all. So wonderful that no one would ever doubt or question him. But he was wrong. We knew better than that. Wed been watching him for quite some time, just waiting for him to slip up. I looked up at Bartholomew just as he shook his head pityingly. No, you wanted to go out and see the world, didnt you? You had to run away and get your hands dirty without any thought of how dangerous it could be here, he hissed, bringing his face close to mine. It was then that I remembered something important. Something that had been floating around at the back of my mind, not quite in my consciousness, though. There was a reason why Id dressed as a rich woman, clearly on the run from her betrothed and not a desperate commoner, looking for any opportunity to make some money. Bartholomews wife had run away from him less than a week after their wedding. Our estate was on the other side of the country, but even I heard about that. Shed never been found. His dad sent ship after ship out after her, but there was no trace of her. Not even a whisper. Some people said shed made it to the free realms, far from the reach of our empire, but I wasnt so sure. Actually, my eyes found the woman standing behind Bartholomew and barely suppressing her grin, I was pretty sure she hadnt gone far at all. But how had she gotten onto this ship? Bartholomew couldnt know who she was. He was treating her too well, like she was an equal, and he would never do that if he knew. And his father must have hired her. How? How has she managed to convince him? Unless shed tricked him. Forged documentation or something. That made more sense, especially with the new memories that were floating to the surface of my mind. I did know the woman; Id run into her before, in port and in the sky. She was already making a name for herself at that point, but I still offered her a place on my ship. She refused, of course. She had a plan, something to do before shed be willing to hang up her hat and take a place on a ship. I was assured that shed find me again, when the time was right. Actually, I did think about how dangerous it could be here, I said coyly, peeking up at Bartholomew through my lashes. His eyebrows drew together, and he looked confused for a moment before covering it. You did, did you? And, what? You decided it was worth the risk? he asked, his tone mocking. Behind Bartholomew, Amelia brought her hand to her hip, tapping the butt of her pistol as she maintained eye contact with me. A smile pulled at my lips, and I let it. Id been on board the ship for long enough for my crew to decode everything, but that no longer mattered. Bartholomew would be dealt with. In a way, I said, letting my chin and my volume raise. I wanted his whole crew to hear me. Or maybe I realised Im not at risk at all. Bartholomews expression bordered on anger, and he stepped closer to me. He was clearly trying to intimidate me, but it wasnt working. Are you not? he asked. I looked around and shrugged. No, I said as Amelia slipped the pistol from her holster. But you are. No one was even looking at her. They were all looking between Bartholomew and me. And why is that? Bartholomew asked, his tone slipping dangerously low. I ripped my arm free from the pirate who was still holding me and started to back away from Bartholomew, the edge of the ship wasnt too far. No one had moved. I could get to the railing before theyd be able to stop me, and then it would be too late. They wouldnt exactly jump overboard to stop me; that would be certain death. For them. Not for me. The hard wood touched the back of my legs just as Bartholomew noticed what I was about to do.Finally, I let my lips pull up into a wide grin and spread my arms wide. With a small hop, I was sitting on the railing and, from there, all I had to do was lean back. Stop her! Bartholomew screamed, panic entering his voice. Not so fast, Amelia said, her voice barely audible over the wind that rushed past me. I didnt hear anything else that was said. I was too busy focusing on tucking my head in tight and making sure my body was as small as possible to avoid hitting the solid hull of the ship. It wasnt the first time Id jumped off a ship, though. I had practice. Before long, the noise of the wind intensified, and I knew I was out of the danger zone. I kept my eyes squeezed shut as I stretched out, fighting against the rushing air to get into the right position. It wasnt easy, but before long, I was stretched out, facing the distant ground. I didnt open my eyes yet, though. Part of me panicked, hating the unknown, but I couldnt open them until I had my goggles. Luckily, that didnt take long. I slapped a hand against my face, the wind making it hard to control my flailing limbs. My head spun from the impact, but I forced it to stay in place as a creeping sensation moved slowly along my arm before reaching across my face. Hesitantly, I opened my eyes, my lips stretching into a wide grin as I took in the world before me. Warmth gripped my heart. My ship was there, just in the distance. My family, those I had chosen, were waiting for me. I let my arm leave my face, returning to an outstretched position as the mechanical device on my back began to whirl, the wings unfurling through the hidden gaps in my clothing. So? a voice asked, yanking me backwards as dizziness crashed into me. What did Rodgers talk about today? 3.4 Perhaps I was dying. My knee wouldnt stop bobbing; I was too anxious. I had to get the nervous energy out somehow, but we were in class. I couldnt exactly get up and pace around the greenhouse, no matter how much I wanted to. It would have helped. Moving would make me feel less frantic, but it was more than that. I liked the greenhouse, even though it kind of scared me. Wed been warned away from some areas of it, but the rest fascinated me. Even the sections we werent allowed to go into were interesting to me. There was something about the humid airy room that usually made me feel calmer. It was so bright and open, even though the reinforced glass walls were fogged, so we couldnt see through them. We also couldnt break through them. Wed been warned about that the first time Charlie brought us into the building. He said that some people viewed it as the weakest part of the induction wing because the walls were mostly made of glass, but that wasnt the case. The glass was treated, tempered too. It could withstand bullets, a car crashing into it, and more. Hed proven that to us too. Charlie said that it came up sometimes, so he liked to get it out of the way early. His tone was so relaxed and conversational as he led us to the clearing in the centre of what he called the small greenhouse. Rows of high sun-bleached wooden tables with matching stools lined the space, all pointing towards a single large table in the middle. Easily, he picked up one of the stools, strolled towards the glass wall and asked us to take a step back before swinging the chair into the window. It was terrifying. Id leapt backwards, almost trampling Seth in my haste to escape the broken glass, but the window held. Charlie had sighed heavily as he examined the glass before looking back down at the stool and saying hed need to build another one now. The chair had broken, but the glass had not. It wasnt even marked. Apart from that initial experience, our botany classes had been great. Charlie would pull up a whiteboard and talk us through the various plants that grew in the United Kingdom and their uses. Sometimes, hed make us walk through the overgrown rows of plants and point out ones that we knew, quizzing us on what hed taught us previously. Or other times, wed get to the greenhouse, and random plants and workbooks would be waiting on the tables for us. Charlie would wander through the class helping whoever needed it, or sometimes hed amble off and tend to the other plants. My eyes found Charlie at the front of the class again. Part of me wished that hed get distracted and walk off already. Then, I could get up and go talk to him. I didnt really have anything that I wanted to say to him, exactly. I just didnt want to stay sitting down for any longer; it was making me even more anxious. Why had I not had my meeting yet? It was Friday. Rodgers had said that wed hear back before the end of the week, but it was the end of the week. It was the afternoon too. About as close to the end of the week as we could get before it became the weekend. Unless hed meant the end of the week properly. Like, Sunday. I hadnt even considered that before, but the moment I realised he could have meant that, my heart began to race. I really hoped he didnt. It didnt make sense for him to. We didnt have classes at the weekend; they were for relaxing and doing other stuff, like working out or something fun. We could catch up on learning or just read or something. Having a meeting then didnt feel right. I looked at the old-fashioned-looking clock hanging from the rickety white balcony. It was getting too late. Everyone else had already had their meeting, I was almost certain of it. Katie and Abbie had. They both came back beaming and excited. The meetings had gone well, apparently. Theyd gotten all their tests back and been told they displayed an aptitude for fieldwork, which had come as a surprise to Abbie, but she was happy about it. They tried not to talk about it too much, though. At first, they did, but then time went on. The closer we got to the end of the week, the less they spoke about it. Whenever it was brought up, theyd look at me. I could see the worry on their faces when they did. They were starting to wonder whether Id be kicked out or not. I was too. Rodgers had said that I was staying, Scott too, but I was starting to doubt it. Surely, if I was, I would have had the meeting early, wouldnt I? It would have been a quick meeting, and then I could continue with my life without the constant fear and anxiety of being kicked out at any minute. Every single meal time had turned into a discussion about results. People brought their folders with them everywhere, comparing the scores theyd been given and eyeing those who hadnt had their meetings yet, like me. I couldnt work out why mine was being left to the end. Scott had his meeting the day after Rodgers said we were both staying and so did Seth. Seth had a bunch of doctors appointments, and hed used a gun before. People were still whispering about that sometimes. I thought that would have made his decision harder than mine, but hed had the meeting so early. Dont get me wrong, I was really glad he was staying. I liked him a lot and wanted him to stay; I was just panicking. The first time someone didnt come back from the meeting was terrifying. Nora. Shed been called in just before lunch the day before and didnt ever come back. Everyone assumed that her meeting had run over and that shed be there at dinner, but she wasnt. Dean left just after that. Their roommates said their stuff had been taken from their rooms too. The beds were made, the wardrobes empty. It was like theyd never even been there. That filled me with fear. What if that happened to me? Rodgers had said that I was staying, but what if hed been wrong or mistaken? What if they changed their mind about me? There could have been something that I wrote in one of my tests that made them think I wouldnt be a good operative. Or maybe one of the many medical tests came back with some worrying results. Perhaps I was dying, so theyd decided that there was no point in wasting time training me to be anything. No, that was stupid. I wasnt dying; Id know if I was. I hadnt been ill or anything, so it had to be something else. My exams. One of them must have gone badly. Maybe it was the maths test. That had been horrible, and Id almost cried when I left it. I just couldnt remember how to work out half of the questions, so I left them blank. That was stupid of me. I should have put something, anything. Were always told to just write anything because that was always better than nothing. Or maybe it wasnt that. Maybe it was my fitness tests. Id barely been able to do anything for them; I wasnt fully cleared. Dr Adda had been there for all of them, and hed refused to let me do anything other than swimming. Even with that, he made me stop after ten minutes. Apparently, I was pushing myself too hard for how injured I was. That really annoyed me. I wanted to ignore him and keep going, but Hannah was right there, and something told me she wouldnt take it well. Maybe that was part of the issue. Perhaps that was part of the issue. I could have hidden how irritated I was better, I knew that. If either of them had seen it, they might have made a note of it. That wouldnt be good. I was annoyed at a teacher, a doctor. That seemed wrong. I let out a tight breath as my leg bobbed even harder. Panic was building within me, blocking out whatever Charlie was saying. The class let out a laugh, but I couldnt join in. I had no clue what was being said because I couldnt stop replaying the tests over and over in my head, trying to pinpoint exactly when I had messed up. I shook my head slightly, trying to focus those thoughts out of my mind. I was being ridiculous, and I knew that. There was no point in me panicking. I should have been paying attention to what the teacher was saying. But, part of me couldnt help pointing out that it was probably useless. It could be. If I was about to be kicked out, why should I listen to Charlie? I couldnt use the information he was teaching us out in the real world. Why would I need to know about the antibacterial properties of yarrow? That would never be useful to me. No. I did need to know about that, I tried to tell myself. It would come in handy at some point. Either Rodgers or Ms Brice, I couldnt remember which, had told me that if I wasnt able to stay in the Academy for now, they wouldnt give up on me. Id be sent to a private boarding school somewhere, and theyd keep an eye on me. Id have the opportunity to work for the Academy after I graduated. Relief washed through me, but it was short-lived. I couldnt bring myself to fully believe it. It sounded too much like a lie. Like something theyd tell people to keep them hopeful so that they didnt tell others about the Academy and risk never being able to come back here. It was much more likely that Id be dumped back on my doorstep. My life would go back to normal. My days would return to the monotonous cycle of nothingness, and I wasnt sure that I could cope with that. No, I was sure. I couldnt do it, not after being in the Academy. We were still in the induction wing, but it was still more exciting and fun than anything I was used to at home. How could they expect me to leave and go back to being a normal person? Stolen novel; please report. And what was I meant to say when teachers asked me about my career goals? I couldnt tell them that I wanted to be a spy; theyd laugh at me. Everyone would. But that was all I wanted now. I needed it. Everything Id learnt, in this world and mine, was centred around that. The languages, the psychology, all of the various textbooks I was working through, everything. It was all to help me become one. If that option was gone, then what would I do? I sucked in a shaking breath. Nothing. Id spend my days going to school and then coming home and doing nothing. Maybe Id keep up with the learning for a while, but it wouldnt last forever. It couldnt. If I had nothing to work towards, Id run out of steam, get bored of it. What would I do with my time? What did I do before? Barely any time had passed since I started spending most of my time learning, but I already wasnt sure. My hands closed into fists, and a lump formed in my throat. I couldnt do it. I couldnt stay there. But I couldnt leave. What could I do? Where could I go? Was there another world where I was already a spy? Or even just somewhere where I was happy? Id take that. I started to reach out, searching for a dizziness that felt right, but a voice dragged me back into the world. Sorry to interrupt. My head snapped around, my eyes immediately finding Rodgers as he ducked under an errant branch. Not at all, Charlie called back. I didnt expect to see you in here again, if Im being honest. Rodgers chuckled softly. I know. I used to hate this place, but I actually quite miss it now, he said, looking around with a fond smile. You do? Charlie asked, sounding surprised. This is nothing compared to the proper one. I miss it. Werent you there yesterday? Yeah, but still. I spend most of my time in here now, dont I? Charlie sighed, looking around at the plants with a slight frown. Its not the same. Ah, its not forever. A few more weeks, at most! Whispers shot through the class at that. A few more weeks, and then he wouldnt be in the induction wing anymore because wed be finished with it and in the main part of the Academy or because we wouldnt have botany classes any more. Charlie looked around, seeming to only just remember that he was in the middle of teaching a class. Hopefully not that long, he said with a grin. Did you need something, Rodgers? Or did you just come to disrupt my class? Im actually here for Grace, Rodgers said, causing everyone to look at me. My palms immediately became sweaty, and my heart rate doubled as fear shot through me. Ah, Charlie said knowingly. Brice is back? She is, Rodgers confirmed before looking at me. Are you ready for your meeting? I had been. I was so impatient and ready to get it over and done with, but suddenly, I didnt want to go through with it. The thought of sitting in a stuffy windowless office somewhere, with Ms Brice and Rodgers staring at me as they told me that I was being kicked out, made me want to cry. Staying in the terrifying limbo where I was unsure of my future was better than being certain I didnt have one. Yes, I said, my voice coming out stronger than I expected. I slid off the stool, trying to subtly hold on to the table in case I fell. My knees were too shaky; they didnt want to take my weight, but I forced them to. I refused to let myself fall in front of everyone. Even if I was being kicked out, I wouldnt let myself look weak. Not that it would matter. Everyone was looking at me. I could feel their eyes on me as I walked across the greenhouse towards Rodgers. A hand reached out as I passed, squeezing my shoulder supportively, and I looked back at Seth. I tried to smile at him, but I couldnt make my lips work properly. It was too hard. Instead, I just looked away. Alright, enjoy the rest of your class, everyone, Rodgers called before turning towards the door. I followed him, looking back just before I reached the door. Katie, Abbie and Seth were still looking at me. That made me hesitate. I was too painfully aware that it might be the last time I ever saw them. The realisation made my heart ache. I hadnt known them for long, didnt know them really, but they were already some of my closest friends. I didnt want to lose them. But I could. I might be about to. My stomach churned nauseatingly. They werent real, I tried to tell myself. They were nothing more than a figment of my imagination, no matter how real they felt. And they did seem real. Just as real as Phoebe or Duncan, and that felt dangerous to me. Some small part of my mind cried out, trying to warn me to be careful. I was getting too invested in something that was happening in my head. The door slammed heavily, and I jumped before hurrying after Rodgers. He was walking slowly. His steps were leisurely and unbothered, but that didnt help my anxiety. I wanted to talk to him, to ask him what was going on and if theyd changed their mind about me, but I couldnt find the words. Instead, I was silent as we strolled through the halls. Are you okay? Rodgers asked after a while. I swallowed and glanced at him before looking away again. How could I answer? I had to lie, obviously. There was no way I could tell him what I was actually worried about. Hed said that I was staying, and I didnt want it to seem like I didnt believe him or was questioning him. But then, I didnt really want to lie to him. That felt wrong too. Im fine, I said carefully. Rodgers laughed softly. That was really convincing, he told me. We paused at a door Id never paid much attention to before, and Rodgers glanced at me before pressing his thumb against the flat metal surface at the top of the handle. It seemed so perfectly shaped, just big enough for his thumb. He didnt pull the handle or open the door immediately, which made confusion spike within me, warring with my anxiety. Rodgers paused, seeming to be waiting for something, and I stared at him, trying to work out if something was wrong. His face was relaxed, though. Everything about him seemed so relaxed, which should have made me feel better. It didnt. My heart thumped as Rodgers glanced over his shoulder before pulling the door open. Lets go, he said with a grin. I swallowed hard before looking away from him as we passed through the door. It shut heavily behind us, and I was almost certain I heard the muted click of a lock. That was why Rodgers waited before opening the door. There was probably a fingerprint scanner or something on the handle; he couldnt open it until it was unlocked. But why would he take me into a locked section of the Academy? That didnt make sense. The others didnt have their meetings in that part, I was pretty sure. Id seen someone coming out of one of the classrooms after their meeting. It was in the main part of the induction wing. Maybe it was intentional. I didnt see where Nora or Dean had their meetings. They could have been taken into the same part that I was. It made sense. I couldnt exactly run or anything if they told me I was being kicked out. I was trapped. My hands slowly squeezed into fists as I fought to keep my panicked breathing under control. It wasnt working, though. I couldnt get enough air. I needed to leave. I had to get out of there. You sure youre okay? Rodgers asked again. I let out a slow breath, trying to steady myself so I could answer him without making it clear that I was on the edge of a panic attack. Just a bit nervous, I said, hearing just the slightest of tremors in my voice. Dont know what to expect. It felt like Id said too much. Or not enough. I hadnt spoken formally enough to Rodgers. Not that I did normally. He was a teacher, I knew that, but he didnt seem like it. Well, he did. He taught us things, but he was so relaxed and open, unlike any teacher I knew in my real life. That makes sense. The meetings can be really scary, but well just go over your results, talk about anything that was noted in the reports as something we need to be cautious or aware of and then go from there, he said with a smile. Itll be okay. I tried to return the smile, but I couldnt. I wanted him to tell me that Id be staying, but I couldnt help noticing that he didnt. It was the mention of things they need to be cautious of that set me on edge. Was that confirmation that I wasnt staying? Or that I was, but they were going to keep an eye on me? Maybe I was allow to stay for now, but I wasnt out of the danger zone. They could still kick me out at any point if I messed up. Rodgers watched me as we continued weaving through the corridors, seeming to be journeying deeper into the school. Or further away from the school. Maybe there was a hidden passageway we hadnt been told about that led us far away. Off the property, even. That would make sense. Then we could leave without ever seeing the school. I hoped that wasnt the case. I wanted to see the Academy properly, not just the induction wing but the whole school. I I didnt want to leave. But I was already ready for it. I could feel myself preparing for the disappointment that would envelop me and threaten to crush me. My heart was hardening, shutting everything out. I was used to disappointment. Used to having to pretend it didnt bother me. I could do it again. I came to a stop as we turned a corner, shock rooting me to the spot. My eyes were fixed on the wall ahead of us, trying to drink it all in. I know, Rodgers said. Dont tell the others about this. Youre not meant to be out of the induction wing or see any other part of the Academy until youre cleared. I wont, I breathed, but I still couldnt look away. A huge window was built into the wall, and, for the first time since Id gotten there, it wasnt fogged. I had an unobstructed view of the grounds at the front of the school. It looked almost exactly like it did on the brochure Ms Brice had shown my parents what felt like months ago. A giant field stretched out in front of the building with a windy path leading out to what I assumed was a road. It was blocked by trees, though, meaning that I couldnt see out. And that others couldnt see in. That was probably a good thing seeing as kids, in uniforms like my own, were scattered across the grounds. There was a group huddled to one side that I couldnt look away from, and not just because they were holding weapons. Some had bows with quivers strung over their backs, whilst others held crossbows, but that wasnt what I was enthralled by. It was how happy they looked. They were laughing. Every single person there was smiling. This ones Ms Brices office, Rodgers said gently, pointing at the door directly opposite the window. Shall we? 3.5 Its nothing to worry about. Hello, Grace! Its good to see you again, Ms Brice called with a warm smile as I followed Rodgers into her office. My knees shook as I returned the smile. Its nice to see you too, I said, quickly looking around the room. It was much nicer than I expected it to be. I wasnt sure why I thought it wouldnt be nice; the rest of the Academy had been beautiful from what Id seen. It was large and spacious. Framed photos and certificates dotted the walls, and a large window looked out over the grounds, but I tried not to stare, too aware that I wasnt meant to see any other part of the school whilst still in the induction period. Instead, I found myself looking at Ms Brice again. She looked pretty much identical to how shed looked the last time I saw her. She was dressed in a well-tailored suit, but her jacket had been removed and slung over the back of her chair. There were bags under her eyes now, though, and I was pretty sure they hadnt been there when I had seen her before. She looked tired despite her smile, but that made sense. Charlie had said that shed been away. Part of me wanted to ask where shed been, but I stayed silent as I slipped into the seat in front of the desk. How are you adjusting to life at the Academy? Ms Brice asked as Rodgers edged around the desk and took the empty chair beside her. Um Im enjoying it, I said, feeling awkward. There was a pause, and it felt like Ms Brice was waiting for me to say more, so I quickly added, Its definitely an adjustment. I mean, its really different to my life at home, but I like it. Its really cool getting to learn so many different things It still felt like I hadnt said enough, but Ms Brice smiled at me and nodded. Im glad. From what Ive heard, youre acclimating and doing extremely well in your classes. There havent been any complaints or concerns, Ms Brice said. In fact, Ive received compliments! A grin stretched over my face, and I looked down quickly as my heart fluttered with pride. It was a strange sensation, not one I was used to. Having a teacher, or anyone really, tell me that I was doing well felt weird. Wrong in a way. It was nice to hear, of course. It just hadnt happened before. My smile wavered. Maybe theyd got the wrong person. That would make more sense. It was a small class, only a handful of us usually, but it could still happen. Maybe they thought I was Abbie. She was doing great in all her classes; that would make more sense than me. I was doing okay. Not great, but not badly either. But shed already had her meeting. Surely if theyd mixed them up, someone would have caught it already. And the teachers knew me. Most of them did, anyway. So, did that mean that they hadnt mixed us up? That I was actually doing well? If so, that must mean that I would be able to stay, wouldnt it? Rodgers had said that I was. Maybe he wasnt mistaken. Unless he was. Maybe thats why Ms Brice was complimenting me. It was intentional. They were trying to butter me up before sending me home. Or not home. Away somewhere. They were complimenting me to keep my hopes up and keep me believing that I could still work for the Academy someday. But I didnt want that. I couldnt. I blinked and dug my nails into my palm. Ms Brice had started speaking again, and I wasnt listening. Here, she said, holding a folder out to me. Thanks, I muttered as I took it. I stared down at it, unable to bring myself to open it. I knew what the thick white folder was; Id seen dozens of them already. Every single other person in the induction wing had the same folder with their name neatly printed on the front, just like the one in my hand. My test scores would be in there. The decisions that theyd made about me. Despite desperately wanting to know what it said, I was frozen. I couldnt bring myself to do anything more than stare at the mostly blank front. You can open it and look through it if you want, Ms Brice prompted me, her tone gentle. There was no way I could ignore that. It was an instruction, even if it didnt feel like it. Numbly, I turned the first page and stared at the columns of text inside. My photo was at the top. I didnt remember it being taken, but it must have happened on the bus. I recognised the wall behind me. You probably already know whats in there, Rodgers said. Its a curse that comes with being so late to have your meeting, but unfortunately, that was unavoidable. I swallowed, feeling my heart start to race. Why? I asked before I could stop myself. Was that a mistake? It felt like it. I was just a kid; I shouldnt have been asking questions. Rodgers looked to Ms Brice to answer, and I did the same. Its because of your results, she said, her tone even. But well come on to that later. Its nothing to worry about. I still did, though. How could I not? Id done something wrong, I knew it. Id failed one of the tests, probably the maths test, and I was being sent home because of it. Oh, I said softly, unsure of what to say. My eyes were fixed on the papers on my lap as I tried desperately not to cry. It would be so pathetic. Id be laughed at as they kicked me out. I couldnt do that, no matter how much my eyes burnt. Forcing myself to breathe evenly, I tried to read the words on the paper in front of me again. I couldnt, though. There were too many acronyms, and my brain was only half working. The other half was fixated on the fact that I might not be staying and trying frantically to figure out a way to change that. Well run through your results, and then go from there. How does that sound? Rodgers asked, and I looked up at him. I didnt trust my voice to be even, so I just nodded instead of saying anything. Great! Well start with the medical results because thats the section most people are worried about, Ms Brice said. Well, the good news is everything came back negative. There were no signs of anaemia or any other deficiencies, which is fantastic to hear. The lab also didnt find any concerning markers either. Oh, wonderful, I muttered, my eyes scanning the paper again. And, as for your academic results Ms Brice trailed off, and I looked up to see her staring at her computer screen. She was silent as her gaze bounced back and forth. After what felt like an eternity, I glanced at Rodgers, hoping hed tell me what she was looking at. Turn to page four, he said. I hurried to follow his instruction. Id seen the page before, I realised. It was the one that was passed around most by the other people in my cohort. The table showed an overview of the results along with a comment as to if it was good or not. The word average was written beside almost every single subject for me, and I felt my heart sink. Thats why I was being kicked out, I was certain of it. I wasnt excelling in anything; I was just average. Boring, normal and unexceptional. Ms Brice had made a mistake in selecting me, and the proof was on the paper in my hands. Youre in the expected range for almost every class, which is wonderful, Ms Brice noted. There are, of course, a couple where youre a little below average. Foreign languages and mathematics are the main points of concern, but we were already aware of that from your school reports. I nodded, unable to look up at her for any longer. I should have expected that. It was the same as in real life and Mitchs world. I was bad at language and maths. Well, maybe not bad at it. I was really enjoying learning French and Japanese on the apps Id downloaded, but I was slow to pick them up. That was for sure, but I was doing better than Id ever done in class before, so maybe I wasnt actually bad at them. Maybe I just needed to put more time and effort into it? Perhaps I could tell them that, tell them that I could learn if they just gave me a chance. A few weeks, thats all I needed. I could catch up. But Ms Brice said she already knew that so surely, they wouldnt have recruited me if it was going to stop me from being able to attend the Academy. I took a deep breath to steady myself. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Is that a problem? I asked. It wasnt the most eloquent question, but it was enough. Oh, no. Not at all! It just means that youll be put in smaller classes for now, with other students who are around your level, but I assume youll be moved before too long, Ms Brice said. Again, I looked at Rodgers for clarification. Check page eighteen, he advised. That shows your rate of improvement, Ms Brice told me. We have your results from school, when you first joined us, and your official results from the tests. Theyre very interesting and varied in some areas. I tried to work out which scores were the ones she was referring to. They all appeared to go up, as far as I could tell. The numbers were all positive, but maths had the smallest number next to it. Id barely improved. What does it mean? I asked, staring at it. That youre learning quickly. Much quicker than expected, in fact. If you look at the grades you were being given in French at school, compared to how you did on Monday, thats an incredible achievement, Rodgers told me. You doubled your average grade. And it wasnt a fluke; turn the page. Youve done six tests in the last two weeks and have been rapidly improving each time. My head felt like it was spinning as I looked at the numbers on the next page. He was right. I had done much better. The lessons at the Academy were different to the ones at my school, but there was more to it than that. Id been studying in the other world. In reality. The apps that Id been using in real life. Theyd made a difference. It made sense; it was the same language in both worlds, but I was still shocked. Oh Its remarkable, Ms Brice said. And it shows that, with the right approach and attention, youre capable of picking information up very quickly, which is why were not too worried about your maths ability at this moment. I nodded as I flicked through the bundle of paper, searching for the page that would show me how I did in the maths test. A wince came over my face. They were right. Id really not done well. Id gotten a little more than fifty percent. Just over half. That was terrible. And whoever had written the document I was reading had pointed out that the majority of the questions that Id gotten right were on the easiest section of the test. Embarrassment washed over me. I needed to focus on maths more. I could do that. Id find another app or some videos online or something that focused on it and put more time into it. I had to; I knew how important it was. Rodgers had made that clear to us on more than one occasion. Hed been too rash when he was younger. He didnt get how important it was either, but it was part of what screwed up his knee. Hed miscalculated a jump and just assumed it was fine and pulled his chute too late. That could happen to me too, if I wasnt careful. I couldnt let that happen. Hed drilled into us that he should have known better in the hopes that we wouldnt make the same mistake that he did. If I did, hed be so disappointed in me, and I didnt want that to happen. I understand that youre disappointed, Ms Brice said in a soft tone. But you shouldnt be. Your results show that you can improve, and thatll happen once youre in the correct classes. I have no doubt that youll soon be excelling in everything. I let her reassurance wash over me, steeling my resolve. I wouldnt let her be wrong. Tonight, Id start working on my maths. Part of me didnt want to, it knew how little I enjoyed it, but I pushed that aside. And that is why your meeting was last, Rodgers said, causing me to look up sharply. Was he about to tell me I was being kicked out? He was smiling, though. Surely he wouldnt be smiling if he was about to tell me something terrible. I swallowed hard and laced my hands together to stop them from shaking as I waited to hear whatever they were about to say. Ms Brice was taking too long. She was reading from the screen again. Why? Had she not had the chance to read it before I was called in? Or had something else just come up? I wasnt sure, but it made me want to get up and pace or shout at her to just hurry up and tell me. I wouldnt, of course, but I pressed my lips together just in case. Yes. We needed to double-check something and discuss the results with the other teachers, and unfortunately, I was away until this morning which further delayed things, Ms Brice explained. You should probably tell her that before you explain the next part, Rodgers suggested, pointing at something on the screen. Put her out of her misery already. My heart started racing so fast that I could feel it at my fingertips. Ah, of course, Ms Brice said with a shake of her head. Grace, I am happy to inform you that youre able to continue your education at the Academy. I held my breath. It felt like there was something else coming. A but. Something that made my future uncertain again. Maybe shed say that I could stay for now, but if I didnt improve quickly enough, Id be kicked out. That would make sense. They were looking at me, I realised slowly. Both Ms Brice and Rodgers were watching me expectantly. Why? What were they waiting for? I couldnt work it out. My eyes darted between the two frantically as Rodgers leant back slightly. I watched, confusion washing over me, as Rodgers started to mime something just out of Ms Brices eye line. He was pointing at her, pointing at me and then pretending to look shocked. Surprised, maybe? And giving me a thumbs up. Why was he doing that? My eyebrows furrowed as I played back what Ms Brice had said, trying to work out what they were waiting for. Oh. Shed told me I was staying, and I hadnt reacted at all. It didnt matter that I thought there was something more that she was going to say; I still needed to be shocked by that. I needed to pretend that Rodgers hadnt told me and that I was genuinely surprised. Thrilled too. Oh, I gasped after far too long. I can stay? Im so relieved! I held my hands to my mouth, my eyes wide, as Rodgers gave me another thumbs up. Ms Brices eyebrows rose as she turned to look at him, and he quickly pretended to be scratching his face. Thats fantastic news, isnt it? he said, his tone perfectly innocent as Ms Brice narrowed her eyes. Im going to just make a quick note to have you moved from the standard acting classes to the more intensive ones, Ms Brice said. And maybe youll join her in them, Rodgers. He grinned at her, and I felt my lips start to rise. She was joking, teasing us. That felt strange. She was a teacher, but she was talking to Rodgers and me like we were equals. He was, kind of. He was an adult and mostly a teacher too, but I wasnt. Id been included in the joke, though, and that reminded me of Mitch. He spoke to me like I was an equal, and so did all of his friends. Oscar and Lauren. They did the same. Everyone did. I missed it, missed them. My heart ached, and I longed to go back, but I couldnt. It wasnt worth the risk. As I was saying, Ms Brice continued, the speed of your improvement is what we needed to discuss as it directly impacts the results of your aptitude tests. Immediately, my focus was back on Ms Brice and not Mitch or the other world. It does? I asked as fear started to edge into my heart again. Yes. The results are on page thirty-four, if youd like to look over them, she said, and I turned to the page without hesitation. Unsurprisingly to me, you show even potential. I stared at the paper before looking up at her. Even potential, I repeated, the words feeling strange in my mouth. What does that mean? Well, it means you did equally well in all areas, with the exception of physical fitness, but that is to be expected with your current injury, Ms Brice explained. Thats unimportantly, though. How so? Physical fitness is the easiest thing to improve, Rodgers told me. Especially with the right motivation. The testing is more to get a baseline for where youre at and to see how hard youre willing to push yourself. Doctor Adda noted that you were willing to where is it? Continue the test despite clear signs of physical pain. I grimaced. I didnt think there were clear signs that I was in pain. Plus, it didnt hurt that badly. I could have kept going. Obviously, that is also a concern to us, Ms Brice said. Pushing yourself to a certain extent is good, but you also need to be able to look after yourself and not needlessly injure yourself. I nodded eagerly. Of course, I said, even though I didnt really agree with her. I wasnt pushing myself that hard. I just wanted to do well. And, because of that, were sure youll be able to catch up to where you need to be quickly, Ms Brice continued. Which is why you havent been assigned a specialism at this point. My heart sank. I havent? No, theres no point, Ms Brice said. She was smiling, though. Why was she smiling, and why hadnt I been given a specialism or told which area I had an aptitude in? Theyd just said I could stay, but it now sounded like that might not be true or like it wasnt that simple. Why not? I asked. Because we believe youd be equally good in all of them. That means that, for now, youll be expected to study everything. Youll be given all of the information and tools that you need to be able to choose which area youd like to go into. If you display an affinity before then, we may begin to narrow it down, and you could drop some subjects, but you might not. We can cross that bridge if we get to it. How does that sound? Ms Brice asked. I couldnt speak. I couldnt do anything other than stare at her. It was exactly what I wanted. I had said that I wanted to learn everything, and now I had the option to. They expected me to, and I was thrilled but also slightly scared. There was something terrifying about what shed said. It felt like a lot of pressure, but I still wanted it. What if I cant choose an area? I asked finally, once I was able to speak again. Ms Brice and Rodgers both let out a laugh. Well, thats fairly rare. Its unusual for someone to show even potential, but they normally realise that theres a specialism they enjoy most before too long, Ms Brice said. Normally, its fieldwork, Rodgers added. But it doesnt need to be, and you dont need to decide now. Of course not, Ms Brice agreed. For now, you can just focus on studying. In the future, when youre ready, you can make that decision. I let out a tight breath and looked down. I had a future. Thats what she had just told me. I could do anything, become anything. There were so many possibilities for me, and that was just in one world. I could stay there forever, far away from my mom and school and everything else that made me feel stressed and sad. An unnatural feeling fluttered within me, and it took me a few seconds to pinpoint what it was. Hope. I was feeling hopeful. Tears were slipping down my cheeks, and I couldnt hold them back. The hope was too strong, too powerful. It was bubbling over and making me sob like a baby. Embarrassment pulled at me, clawing at my heart and paining me, but I couldnt stop the tears. I slipped out of the world, my cheeks burning and wet. I paused for just a moment as dizziness crashed into me before retreating quickly. That was long enough for my face to dip under the surface of the pool. It helped, in a way. The chlorine stung my already burning eyes but soothed my flushed cheeks. I did it again, ducking my head fully under the water and savouring its cool touch. Ill be leaving in half an hour, my mother said as soon as I returned to the surface. If you have time to shower before then and look presentable, youre welcome to join me for lunch. I fought the urge to touch my face, unsure if it was obvious that I was crying, but I hoped it just looked like Id been swimming too hard. Okay, I replied in a surprisingly steady tone. Ill get out now. My mom didnt respond. She just turned and walked out of the room. A sigh slipped out of my lips. Good. She hadnt noticed. 3.6 So? I squeezed some of the moisture out of my hair, continuing to towel dry it. Blowdrying it would work faster, and I knew that, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. It would make Mom happier, though. I wouldnt be able to get my hair fully dry using just a towel before we had to go out, and that would make me look messy. Id seem like I didnt care about my appearance. I couldnt bring myself to actually worry about that, though. Just the thought of having to repeatedly lift my hairdryer and brush made me feel exhausted. My arms ached. They were so tired from all the swimming Id been doing recently, and using the towel felt like less effort, even though I knew it probably wasnt. Plus, it would be mostly dry by the time we got to wherever we were going for lunch, and that was enough for me.I wasnt actually sure where we were going. Mom might have said when she came into the pool to tell me, but I couldnt remember. I was barely paying attention to what she was saying; I was too distracted by trying to hide my tears and process what Id been told in the other world. Shock. I think I was in shock. I couldnt quite wrap my head around the fact that, not only had I not been kicked out, but I hadnt been given a specialism because I had a choice. I was equally good at everything and showed promise. Potential. Id done well. Ms Brices words echoed through my head again, and I felt my eyes start to burn. I couldnt cry, not again. It was just hearing someone tell me that Id done well was so overwhelming. I wasnt used to it. That wasnt it, though. My mind kept floating back to what Ms Brice had said about my future. I could choose to do whatever I wanted, whatever I enjoyed most. The thought filled me with such hope and excitement, and that made me feel unsteady. Before, thinking about the future and trying to plan it made me so anxious. It caused my stomach to churn and my breathing to quicken, but that had changed. Now I felt my lips lift into a smile. I didnt feel any anxious about the future. It had been decided for me, in a way. Id been handed a career, and although I still had an element of choice, it was less intimidating. It was narrower, more specific. It wasnt a case of trying to choose a career almost at random from a vast number of possibilities; I could just choose from the few specific options theyd given me. And I had help. Ms Brice had said wed be having frequent meetings to discuss my progress and how I was doing. The idea of that was both scary and reassuring. I liked Ms Brice, but there was something so powerful about her. She was clearly high up in the Academy and Department. The fact that shed be overseeing my development was stressful, but it also made me wish I had someone like her in real life. My hands slowed, and I stared at my reflection as a realisation hit me. It didnt really matter that I didnt have anyone in my normal world. I had Ms Brice, and I knew what I wanted to do in the future, so I could just work towards that. I could learn all the skills I needed in the spy world and use those in the real world. They were so similar; there was so much that applied to both places. I could use that. If I worked really hard in the other world, by the time I was ready to start working, Id know everything I needed to become a spy. Did I need to wait that long, though? I wasnt really sure. As far as I was aware, there was no Academy in my usual world. Id never heard anyone mention it, but then they wouldnt if it were real. It was meant to be secret; it would be pointless if people knew about it. Maybe it did exist, and it was just hidden. Id never come across it. But then, I hadnt done any of the tests for it like I did in the other world. We just had our regular exams, nothing extra. So, if it did exist, maybe they recruited people another way. I started to reach out towards my phone, planning on googling it, before stopping myself. I didnt even know what I would search if I wanted to, but it was a stupid idea. Firstly, the chances of there being information about a hidden government agency online felt low. Secondly, if the information was there, I felt like theyd be monitoring it in some way. If I did find something, and the government were about to track me down, theyd want to know how I learnt about the Academy. How would I answer that? Id need to tell them about the other world and my daydreams or whatever they were, and then what? They might not believe me, and Id understand that. I wouldnt believe that anyone had the ability to fantasise about other worlds and could learn information there that was applicable to the real world either. That sounded ridiculous. So, all I could do was wait. Id wait until I graduated and prepare in the meantime. I could learn everything I needed to know and then become a spy. But how does someone become a spy? Would I have to go to university, or could I do it straight from school? And was it just like any other job where Id just apply for it and they might hire me, or did it require something else? Some other application process? I had no clue. I started to reach for my phone again, pulling up Safari and searching how to become a spy. My eyes darted back and forth as I read quickly, very conscious that I was meant to be getting ready to go out for lunch. The information wasnt great, which wasnt particularly surprising to me. Id probably need a degree from what I could see, and then I could just apply straight to some of the different agencies. They had graduate programmes, and that seemed like the best route. Glancing at my bedroom door, I closed the tab and cleared my history. The chances of Mom going through my phone were low, but I didnt want to risk her seeing me search something like that. It didnt matter, not really, but she would tease me mercilessly. And then shed tell people. I knew shed get great pleasure from telling people that I was clinging to the wild and unrealistic dream of being a spy. It was stupid, the kind of thing kids say, not adults. But spies did exist. I knew that, and my Google search had confirmed it. It might be a hard career to get into, but it still happened, which meant I could do it. I just needed to finish school and get into university first. But what would I study? That thought stumped me. The web pages Id seen werent particularly fussy about it. They seemed to say that any degree was useful, which meant I had a choice. Id always assumed that Id go to university. My mom had said that I had to, and my teachers always told us we should go. Most jobs require a degree nowadays, apparently. I wasnt sure how true that was; Id never looked into it. But Id also never really thought too hard about what Id study. Nothing really appealed to me before. Not enough to want to dedicate my life to studying it or working in the area. That wasnt the case anymore, though. It felt like everything was interesting to me; I wanted to know everything. Being limited to studying just one thing felt horrible, so restricting. I wanted it all. But I wasnt sure when that had changed or why. It was mostly gradual, but it had definitely gotten more intense over the last week or so. Maybe it had started because of Mitch, though. That would make sense. He was the first person who really showed me how vital knowledge was. Being around him and his sheer enthusiasm for learning had been so I wasnt quite sure, but it made me want to learn. And then being in the Academy only made that worse. Rodgers was like Mitch in a way. They both had that same passion and used actual examples to explain why it was important to learn. Everything he and the other tutors had said just reinforced everything that Mitch had told me. But that wasnt it. There was more to it than just being around people who cared about learning. It was the other worlds Id been to. Since I started daydreaming or whatever it was that I was doing, it felt like Id lived a million lives. Id done so much, been so many different versions of me. Each time, Id learnt something, gained something. I could feel that Id come away from every single world with a new experience or passion. Id developed such strength and confidence, especially from that last world where Id been a pirate or spy or whatever I was. Every single time, I became better. Better able to deal with life and put up with my mom. It was still hard, of course. I still doubted myself and didnt really like myself, but I had something. There was something inside of me pushing me on. I was becoming a better version of myself. I met my gaze in the mirror, standing tall. There was a slight blurriness around my face. It was almost like I was seeing the ghost of the other faces, the other people Id been, on my own. There was an arch to my eyebrow, a cockiness that I didnt quite possess, and the hint of a scar on my cheek that hadnt been there that morning. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. My eyes slammed shut as I winced, a flashback gripping me. A bottle flew towards my face, accompanied by cruel words, and I tensed, waiting for the bitter kiss of pain to shoot across my cheek. But it didnt come. Slowly, I opened my eyes again. My reflection had returned to normal. It was just me, the me I recognised. No hint of any other version of me. Fear was still making my heart race even though I knew I was safe. There was no one in the room with me. I knew there wouldnt be, but that didnt stop me from looking around. I just had to check. That was one thing that Id gained from the fantasies. It wasnt all good things; I was definitely twitchier than I was before. More paranoid, too. The creeping sensation that someone was watching me had been lingering for a little while. I wasnt sure when exactly it had started; Id been mostly trying to ignore it. It made me feel nervous and on edge. It was stupid, just unfounded paranoia, and I knew that, but it was still there. Even as I stood in my room, completely alone and trying to dry my hair, the feeling hovered at the back of my mind. I looked around again, my eyes sweeping the room and focusing on the corners. There were no cameras there, obviously. Why would there be? My grandparents assumed that I was up to no good and didnt trust me, but they wouldnt think to put cameras in my room, and there was no one else who would be able to do it. No one else had access to the house. Apart from the housekeeper. She could have done it. No, that was stupid. There were no cameras; I couldnt see any. My eyes scanned the room again and landed on the window. I swallowed, staring at the forest in the distance. The canopy was dense, which made it unlikely, but someone could have been watching me from there. They could have a telescope set up and pointing at my room, tracking my every movement as I stared right back at them. A dizziness pulled at my mind, demanding my attention, but I shoved it aside and dove towards the window. I pulled the curtains shut, my chest heaving as a shiver danced along my spine. I was being ridiculous. Stupid. There was no one watching me and no one in the woods. There never was. Id run through it enough times, and I could count the number of people Id ever come across on one hand. Even so, I couldnt help but glance over my shoulder at the curtains as I started to leave my room. I was taking too long. Mom would be waiting for me. Movement caught my eye as I stepped into the hallway, and I looked across as my mom exited her room. She glanced up at me, her expression startled for just a second. Youre ready, she said. I wasnt sure if it was a question or not, but still, I felt the need to answer it. Yes. She pursed her lips as her gaze moved up and down, scanning my appearance. Did you not dry your hair? The urge to roll my eyes fluttered weakly within me, but I ignored it. I was too shaken to actually care about what she was saying. I just used a towel, but its pretty much dry now. She sighed heavily and started walking along the corridor. Itll get frizzy, she said, curling her lip in disgust as if frizzy hair was the worst thing in the world. I used hair oil. That might have been a lie. I couldnt actually remember if I had or not. Mom glanced at me, her expression making it clear that I hadnt. You should use more, she told me. Or try another brand. It doesnt look like this one is doing enough. I made a noncommittal noise as I started to climb down the stairs, not waiting for my mom. She was already wearing her heels, and that made her steps slower. Maybe it was mean not to wait, but I didnt really care. Maybe shed be so focused on trying to keep up with me that she wouldnt even talk. It was a hopeful thought, but I wasnt that lucky. Are you sure you want to join me for lunch? she asked. I mean, youre not even wearing any make-up. You can stay here if you want. I knew it was meant as an insult. She wanted me to think that she didnt want to be seen with me if I wasnt wearing make-up or that I shouldnt leave the house without it. For a moment, I was genuinely tempted to take her up on that offer. She could go out to lunch, and I could stay home and have a couple of hours by myself. The house would be so quiet and peaceful, and I wouldnt need to worry about her walking in and accusing me of something. But I couldnt do that. Id been alone in the house so many times before, but the very thought of it scared me. It terrified me. I knew that Id spend the whole time panicked and paranoid, convinced that I was being watched or that someone would try to break into the house or something. That would be easy. The doors barely locked. They were old and got stuck more often than not. One well-placed kick would be all it took. Im pretty hungry, I told her, slipping my feet into the trainers Id left by the front door. I didnt hear her response. The dizziness had already enveloped me, and I blinked, looking around the pristine corridor that I was walking along before letting out an unsteady breath. I was back in the induction wing, my folder clutched to my chest as I moved towards the dining room where everyone else would be. I was walking slowly though, trying to take as long as possible. My face was no longer red. I had checked before Id left Ms Brices bathroom, but it still felt a little puffy. Embarrassment gripped me again. Theyd been so good, but I was still so humiliated. After Id come out of the bathroom, which was painfully difficult to do, theyd been quick to reassure me that my reaction was completely normal. Apparently, people cried all the time when they found out they were staying. I wasnt quite sure if I believed that, but it didnt matter. They moved on to another topic, talking about the classes Id be taking once I left the induction wing. Some things were limited until then. The way they talked had made my stomach clench and my eyes burn again. There was so much certainty in their voice, and not even a hint of doubt. They both believed that I would be able to graduate from the induction wing, and that almost made me believe it too. I wanted to. The classes theyd mentioned were so fun and exciting sounding, like learning how to drive. I wanted to learn in real life too, but I was too young. That didnt matter in the Academy. Apparently, it was something we all had to do, and there were roads and even a track somewhere in the grounds that we could practice on. Voices floated towards me, and I paused, glancing at the door. I was almost at the dining room, and I didnt really want to go in. Theyd be talking about their results again, like always, and Id finally be able to join in. I was scared to, though. I didnt want to compare myself to others, and the thought of telling them that I hadnt been given a specialism made my stomach turn. Rodgers and Ms Brice had said it was a good thing, but what if it wasnt? What if it wasnt that I was equally good at everything and showed a lot of promise, but instead, I was equally bad at everything? I stopped, tightening my grip on the folder. No. It wasnt that. Id shown too much improvement. Thats why I hadnt been given a specialism. I had too much promise, not none. I tried to repeat that to myself again and again, but it didnt help the anxiety that fluttered in my chest. There was nothing I could do, though. I was basically at the dining room already, and I was locked in the induction wing. Id need to face everyone at some point, so I might as well do it sooner rather than later. Laughter reached through the door as I stood there, one hand poised and ready to push it open. My friends were in there, the rest of my cohort too. I needed to just ignore my anxiety and get on with it. Sucking in another deep breath, I walked into the room. For a moment, no one noticed me, but then all conversation stopped. Grace! Katie cried, throwing herself out of her seat and running towards me. I was so worried! She slammed into me and wrapped me tightly in her arms. I wasnt sure how to respond, but I hugged her back. Her relief was clear, and that brought a smile to my face. Your meeting took so long, Abbie remarked as she walked over to us, but Katie still refused to let go. I was almost sure that youd been kicked out for some reason. I told them you wouldnt be, though, Scott said me with a grin. Yeah, but you didnt say that Rodgers told you two that until just now, Seth said, punching him lightly on the shoulder. Katie pulled back, staring at me intently. Are you okay? How did it go? she asked. I laughed, torn between enjoying the attention and feeling bad that they had been worried about me. The way Seth was looking at me helped, though. I liked that he was glad I was staying. Im okay! I told them. It was fine. Just kind of went over the same stuff as you all did. And? Abbie demanded excitedly. Whats your aptitude? Is it fieldwork too? Umm, I said with an awkward laugh, unsure what else to say. Could I just blurt it out? That seemed like the worst way to do it, but my brain was empty. I couldnt think of any other way to explain. Are you hungry? Seth asked before I could say anything else. Sorry, I know you were about to tell us, but you barely ate any lunch. I can take your folder for you so you can grab some food? I glanced at him, surprised by his offer. I wasnt quite sure, but I think he noticed how uncomfortable I was by Abbies question. I just needed a few more minutes to work out how to explain, and hed given me that. Yeah, that would be good, I said. Im starving. He smiled at me as I handed him my folder and walked towards the buffet. I could feel everyones eyes on me as I moved along the food and loaded up my tray. He was right; I really hadnt eaten much lunch. Or breakfast. In fact, Id barely eaten at all for the last few days due to anxiety, and now I was ravenous. With a heaped plate, I walked towards the table and took the empty seat in between Seth and Katie, starting to eat immediately. It tasted so good that I almost let out a moan. The pasta was absolutely perfect, and I couldnt help but wolf it down. So? Abbie asked after a few seconds. I looked up at her, realising that everyone was watching me expectantly. Not just my friends, but the rest of the cohort. They were all sending me furtive looks, clearly listening in and waiting to hear what I was about to say. But I hadnt worked it out yet. What? I asked, hoping to buy myself some time. Seth snored lightly and tried to cover it by coughing. So, whats your specialism? Abbie asked again. Uhh I dont have one. It was really the best thing I could think of to say. 3.7 Tonight? The room turned silent. People werent even bothering to hide the fact that they were listening in to our conversation anymore. They were openly staring. Even Seth was looking at me in shock. His jaw was slack, and his expression confused. My cheeks started to burn as the silence continued. I felt like I had to say something, something to explain why I wasnt given a specialism and what that meant, but I couldnt. My mind felt empty, blank. I wasnt used to the attention, and I didnt like having everyone staring at me. It made me want to stand and run away, but we were locked in the induction wing. Even if I ran, there was nowhere for me to go. People would find me sooner or later, and then Id need to explain. Id just be prolonging the anxiety. Or I could leave. I could leave the world and not return until Id told them everything, and then I wouldnt have to deal with it. I could skip the worst parts. But that felt weak. It was a pathetic and spineless thing to do. I didnt want to get used to leaving the moment things got difficult. If I did then what? Would I run away any time I faced the slightest inconvenience? I didnt want that. Not again. What? Katie said, finally breaking the silence. I chuckled awkwardly and reached out to pour myself some water, feeling like I had to do something. I wasnt even thirsty. Yeah Why? Abbie asked. Everyone else has been assigned a specialism, right? She looked around, and people nodded at her. Not a single person shook their head or even hesitated. Yeah, but theyre not firm yet, Seth said, surprising me. What do you mean? I was told youre not locked in for a little while. Like, until after were finished in the induction wing and start studying properly, Seth explained, his expression uncertain. We might be really good in an area they didnt expect, so our specialisms could still change. Wait was no one else told that? No, Katie said. Oh Seth replied, staring down at his plate. But wait, why dont you have an aptitude, Grace? Abbie demanded. Umm they said that they think Ill do equally well in all of the specialisms, so for now, Im just going to study everything, and I can choose which area I want to go into later, I explained awkwardly. Abbies eyes widened. You get to choose? she asked. Yeah I mean, Im going to be having meetings with Ms Brice quite often, so I think shell probably help me work out what I want to do. I reached for my drink again, looking around surreptitiously. People were still staring at me. They looked impressed, and that made my cheeks burn even hotter. My eyes meet Seths. I was worried about how he would react. It was stupid, and I knew it, but I was a little concerned that hed be annoyed at me for doing well. I dont know why I felt that way, but I did. Huh, he said after a few seconds. So its not that youve not been assigned a specialism. Its that youve been assigned all of them? My face must have been radiating heat. It was so warm, it could have rivalled the sun. I guess so? I replied uncomfortably. Damn, he said with a chuckle. Youre impressive. Well done. My lips lifted into a tentative smile as he grinned at me. Thanks. Congratulations! Katie cried, finally getting over her shock. Thats awesome! Im not surprised at all! Youre going to be great at whatever you do! Yeah, you really will! Scott agreed. No one here knows how to drive, my mom complained loudly, pulling me back to reality. I was grinning. I could feel my cheeks hurting from how much I was smiling. It was the other world bleeding into my normal one. I forced my expression to become neutral, my eyes darting towards my mom to make sure she hadnt noticed. She didnt appear to have. Her eyes were fixed on the car ahead of us. It was driving painfully slowly along the windy country roads. I needed to be more careful, though. If she had noticed me grinning, she would have asked me about it, and there was no way she would have believed that I was just happy. She would be suspicious of me. Shed go through my phone, certain that I was texting someone and sneaking out to meet them or something ridiculous. Or shed decide that I was on drugs. Shed accused me of that before. Mmm, I agreed. Honestly! I mean, just look at them. You can go faster than twenty! she said, as if the driver ahead of us could hear her somehow. Speed up! The desire to point out that she normally went just as slowly on this road rose within me. It was so tempting to say that the way she was feeling was probably how anyone behind her usually felt, but I couldnt do it. Her reaction would not be worth it. No matter how good it would feel for just a second. It wouldnt change anything, though. She wouldnt stop complaining about people or start driving faster. She never changed. No matter what happened, she always acted exactly the same way. Even how she was around her parents now sounded like it was how shed always been, judging by the stories her brothers had told me. Nothing about her would ever change. She hadnt grown or become more mature, not really. Even when we were in Scotland without her parents there, she acted pretty much the same. I mean, she was a little bit nicer to me, but that never lasted. I think it was just because there was no one else around to annoy her or expect her to do anything. Maybe that helped. Either way, it didnt really matter. We had a week left. Not even a full week, and then wed be going back home, and shed go back to being her normal self. Shed drink more, argue with Dad and be mean to me again. I kind of didnt want to go back. Part of me wished we could stay in Scotland forever. Maybe if we did, shed be happier. She did seem happier there. But it wouldnt last, and it wouldnt get any better. She had been treating me a little differently now, anyway. It seemed like she was avoiding me more, but I couldnt work out if that was just because she didnt want to spend time with me or if there was another reason. I was standing up to her more. It was small things, nothing that really mattered, but maybe shed picked up on it. It was easier. Her jabs and insults upset me less than they usually did. They were easier to ignore, and theyd probably stay that way when I got home. Maybe shed keep avoiding me when we got home, too. That would be good. I could just go back to cooking for myself and spending most of my time in my room alone. Id be able to dip into the other worlds whenever I wanted and keep studying and improving. That would be good. There were other reasons why I wanted to go home too. I missed my dad and had that date coming up with Duncan. Anxiety churned in my stomach. I was excited to see him, but also scared. I didnt really know what to expect from our date. I mean, wed been flirting a lot recently over text, and I was enjoying that, but would that continue when we were actually together? Could I flirt with him without having to spend ages crafting the perfect text to send? Plus, we were going to play video games; thats what Duncan had said when he first asked me. Was that a date? Or was it more of a friend thing? I wasnt sure. Id never actually gone on a date before. Not in real life, at least. I hadnt in the other world either, the one where I was training to be a spy. My eyebrows started to draw together. Just because I hadnt been on a date in this world, didnt mean that none of the other versions of me had. And, if they had, I had access to their memories. A slight smile came over my face as I thought back. Recently, someone had asked me on a date. Wed met in a bar. No, a tavern? This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. I couldnt quite work it out, but the memory started to engulf me. The city was dingy and unlike anything Id seen before. There were no street lamps, but that didnt matter. Neon signs hung from every building, bathing the roads in artificial light. It was brighter than the midday sun, and the street Id walked down to meet him was busier than Id expected. But the tavern wasnt. That was probably because most people didnt know it was there. The front door was boarded over, the windows smashed and covered by metal sheets, but that was intentional. It was all designed to keep people from looking too closely. Some would, of course, but the taverns security system would keep them out. And the bouncer hanging around in the alley behind it. He looked bored, but lights danced behind his synthetic eyes. He barely glanced at me as I walked up to him, his chip noting that I was on the list before I got close. He simply raised an eyebrow and nodded towards the concrete wall. Id gone through enough to know it was fake. I walked through with my head held high, and there he was on the other side, just waiting for me. Theo. Id known him for a long time. We met up whenever our ships were in the same port, but rarely had the chance for actual dates. We hung around the tavern, catching up without giving too many details about our lives. It wasnt safe, and we both knew that. We spoke in vague terms, mentioning realms wed been to, but never cities. That was enough. Once wed exhausted the conversation, we played pool. Confusion washed over me as I recalled the game. It wasnt pool. Duncans parents had a pool table, and I was certain that it didnt normally float like the one I was remembering. And the balls didnt bounce. They didnt absorb the others if you hit them hard enough. I wished they did, though. The game I played in the other world was way more fun than this world. We didnt play for long, though. A couple of games, and then My cheeks turned pink. And then he invited me back to the hotel room hed booked for us, knowing wed need it. It wasnt under his name, of course. Not his real name, at least. No one else knew that. It was simply luck that I did. He was another runaway. Another person set to be married off to someone he didnt know or like. I was gone by then. Didnt know it happened to him until he tried to rob my ship years later. He was forming his own crew then, didnt want to stay. I didnt push. But I enjoyed the time we spent together. Really enjoyed it. My eyes widened, and I pulled myself out of the memory. My heart was racing, and colour had started to creep up my neck, but I could still feel too much. The phantom touch of hands on my skin invaded my mind. Lips moved against mine, and No. I shook my head slightly, my breathing a little unsteady as I shoved the memories aside as hard as I could. I was in the car with my mom, I reminded myself. I couldnt be thinking about boys or what I did with them in another world. That was that felt wrong. Plus, that wouldnt happen with Duncan. I didnt feel ready. Id never even kissed a boy before in this world. I couldnt go straight from that to more. But Duncan wouldnt expect that, would he? I didnt think he would. Hed known me basically my whole life, so he had to know that I didnt have any experience in that area. He wouldnt he wouldnt expect me to do more. I knew that he wouldnt, but that didnt stop anxiety from creeping into my heart and making my hands shake. There was nothing I could do about it, though. Not really. I couldnt exactly text him and tell him that I didnt want to go on the date; that would be a lie. But I could just ignore it. I let my eyes shut, opening them into another world. Wow, you did really badly in maths, Abbie said without even looking up at me. A blush came over my cheeks. Yeah, I know, I replied. But the rest of your results are pretty good. Your conflict resolution score is so good, she continued. My eyebrows pulled together. I remembered someone mentioning that before, but we werent tested on it. I couldnt recall it even coming up during the testing, so I had no clue how it could have been graded. Uhh, thanks, I said, glancing at Katie for help. What do we do now that everyones had their meeting? she asked. Our schedules dont go past today, do they? No, but I asked Ms Brice about that. She said that well get new ones this weekend because well be doing different lessons from now, Abbie said, finally looking up from my results. Relief washed through me at the change in topic. I didnt want them to keep talking about me or my scores. It was making me too uncomfortable. Oh, really? Seth asked. Yeah! Apparently, well all be doing the basics together still, but then well be split up based on our specialisms and current abilities, Abbie explained. Like, she said that for field agents, we need to learn the same stuff that wed be learning in school because if we go on a mission, we might have to go to school, and we need to blend in. But well also be doing other stuff like learning how to use weapons, fighting and driving and other stuff like that! That sounds cool, Katie said. I think so too! I cant wait to start learning! I wonder when well actually start the classes. Do you think itll be Monday or will we have to wait a few days? Abbie asked, looking between Scott and me. Im not sure, actually, I said, looking at Scott to see if he knew. He just shrugged. Did Rodgers not tell you anything about it? Abbie asked. No, I would have told you if he did, I said. You didnt tell us he said you were staying here, she pointed out, and I couldnt help but wince. I know Sorry, he asked us not to tell anyone, I explained. He wasnt even meant to tell us, but he slipped up. Plus, Ill be honest, I started to doubt him after it took them so long to call you in for your meeting, Scott admitted to me. I was worried theyd changed their mind or something. Me too, I said. But they didnt, and now you get to stay forever, Katie squealed happily. We all do! Its going to be so fun! Oh, I wish we could do something to celebrate, like throw a party or something! That would be fun! Abbie agreed. I havent been to a party in years. You havent? Scott asked. His tone wasnt cruel, just curious, but I saw Abbies demeanour change. It was like shed slammed the door, shutting out all emotion and becoming completely detached. I didnt really enjoy them, was all she said. There was more to it than that, though, I could tell. Shed seemed so excited when Katie had mentioned a party just moments before, but now that was all gone. Shed returned to staring at my results, her expression completely blank. But her foot was bobbing under the table. She didnt want to talk about whatever had caused her to shut down like that. I glanced at Katie, who had been looking at Abbie too. Her expression was troubled. It was clear shed noticed Abbies reaction as well, but she didnt seem sure what to do about it. I wasnt either. Id been hoping that she would have known how to react and then I could just follow her lead, but instead, we sat in silence for a few minutes until the door opened. Hello, Rodgers called as he walked in. Hows everyone doing? Good, thanks, we chorused back to him, causing him to chuckle slightly. He stopped by the food, leaning against the table and plucking a chip from the tray. So, as Im sure you all know by now, we had our final assessment meeting with your cohort today, he started to explain. Which means that everyone here will be continuing on in the induction wing! We already knew that, it was obvious, but that didnt stop the cheer that shot through the room. I found myself joining in, shouting and stomping my feet along with the others. It was enough to break Abbie out of her thoughts. A smile came over her face, only slightly tinged with sadness, as she started clapping. Alright, alright, Rodgers said, holding his hands up to quieten us. You should all be very proud of yourselves. Youve been making wonderful progress since you got here, and youve all been model students. Im very proud of each and every one of you. His eyes flitted around the room, lingering on Scott and me for slightly longer than the rest. I couldnt help the grin that stretched over my face. He was proud of us, proud of me. It felt so good to have someone be proud of me, and I wasnt quite sure how to react to it, but it made me happy. Most people had been able to stay, too. A couple had disappeared, but that wasnt too bad. Id been expecting more people to not pass, and I wasnt sure why. I think it was just anxiety. Being a spy and staring in the Academy seemed hard. It seemed like something that most people wouldnt be able to do, especially people our age. But I guess they must have chosen us carefully. They had. The process Rodgers had explained to us sounded so long and difficult. Even so, I was surprised. And now, I just want to remind you to continue being model students and trainees tonight, he said. I know that most of you have probably been really anxious recently and think that a party would be a fantastic way to blow off steam and celebrate, but it wouldnt be a good idea. He was warning us, that was obvious, but there was something about his expression that just felt off. His tone was a little too deliberate, almost? As if he was trying to say something else, but I couldnt work out what it was. Would we get in trouble if we celebrated? Was that what it was? It would be a very bad idea, he continued. Even if I forget to lock up the dojo, swimming pool and dining room tonight. Confusion was palpable in the air. We were all trying to work out what he was not quite saying. He couldnt be trying to tell us to have a party, could he? That didnt feel right. I glanced at Katie, my brows furrowed, but she was staring at Rodgers still. He looked around at us, his expression expectant, before very pointedly lifting his arm to check the time on his watch. Ah, not quite time for me to do my final check of the evening. That isnt until ten, he said pointedly. Everyone had better be in bed with the lights out by then, so I dont need to come back at all during the night. He met my gaze, and a smile appeared on my lips. He was. He was telling us exactly how to sneak out so that we could have a party, and he was planning on leaving certain rooms unlocked for us to use. Rodgers? Katie said, her tone tentative. Yes, Katie? he asked. Is the kitchen locked after hours? Or can I go in later to get some snacks? she asked hesitantly. Before lights out, of course. Of course. Well, the kitchen is never locked here, so if you want to get snacks or drinks or anything like that, you can help yourself at any time. Theres no alcohol in there, unfortunately. A disappointed mutter swept through the room, and he held his hands up again to silence us. Come now, he said. Youre in a government facility. We cant allow underage drinking, despite it being a completely normal experience for teens your age and the fact that being able to hold your alcohol and know your limits comes in extremely helpful during field assignments. But, once youre out of the induction wing and are allowed off campus, if you find a way to sneak it into the school well, as long as youre being smart, its fine. But, for tonight? someone asked. Tonight? Rodgers repeated. At the parties you are absolutely not allowed to throw? No, you cant have alcohol there. Well, I should be leaving. Ill be back at ten. Try not to get into trouble before then. He grinned at us before turning and strolling out of the room. There was a beat of silence before Katie leaned towards us. So were throwing a party tonight, right? 3.8 What do we do? I picked at the cinnamon roll in front of me, poking it with my fork and trying to keep the glare from my face. Lunch was going too slowly. Everything was moving too slowly. In my regular world, I was sitting in a weird cafe with my mom, but in the spy world, I was sitting on my bed and staring blankly at the open folder on my lap. I looked around, turning the fork in my hand and wishing that time would speed up. It wasnt that I hadnt enjoyed my lunch. I had, kind of. The cinnamon roll was nice enough, but the atmosphere was too uncomfortable. Mom had insisted on going to that cafe, saying that wed been there many times before, but I was sure we hadnt. It didnt seem right. The cafe wasnt my moms style. It was too aesthetic. There were vines dangling from the ceiling and a flower wall, just for photos. Mom scoffed at that and loudly said how shallow she thought it was, making the girls who were taking a selfie at the time flush and walk away. That had irritated me, but Mom didnt notice. She was too busy looking at the menu with a curled lip. I didnt understand her reaction until I looked at it myself, and I felt myself smile. It was nothing like what we normally had for lunch. There were a couple of sandwiches, but they werent the kind of thing Mom would eat. Mostly, it was pastries and hot options, but the moment I saw the cinnamon roll, I couldnt stop myself from ordering it. I could feel the judgment radiating from Mom as soon as I spoke, and it only got worse when the server brought it over. The pastry was wider than my palm and tall, too. The top was slathered in a thick, tangy icing that I could have drank a bucket of. Mom had refused the pastries, obviously. Instead, shed settled for eggs Benedict with no sauce. I took another bite of my cinnamon roll as I watched her eat. Judging by the slight scowl that came to her face whenever she had some of her food, she was not enjoying it. I really wasnt sure why she was still eating it or what she was trying to prove, but she continued eating, persevering with the determination of a hardened soldier. It was probably because Id doubted her. Not intentionally. When the cafe came into view and I saw the neon sign, I made the mistake of asking Mom if she was sure it was the place she was thinking of. Shed immediately gotten offended and told me that yes. She was certain. We had apparently been going to that cafe whenever we visited my grandparents for years. Despite the fact that I checked their social media pages when I was in the bathroom, and theyd only actually been open for just under a year. I didnt tell her that, though. It was petty of me to check, but it would be cruel to bring it up. Unnecessary, too. Mom wouldnt admit she was wrong; she never would, so I had nothing to gain. That was fine, though. I was happy enough with the knowledge that I was right, even if I didnt share it with her. But it made the meal uncomfortable. All meals with my mom were uncomfortable, but this was worse than normal. She was scowling, yet pretending she was enjoying her lunch, and glaring at me. Judging my every bite. And it didnt help that I couldnt go back to the other world. Well, I could, but there was no point. I was just waiting in that world. Dizziness washed over me as I dipped into the world to check. We were in the exact same positions that we had been in the last time I checked. And the time before. Katie was reclining on her bed, a textbook in hand; I was sitting on mine with my folder open on my lap, and Abbie paced back and forth by the door. The clock on the wall showed that barely any time had passed. We still had ten minutes or so until Rodgers completed his rounds, and the waiting was getting to me. Im not sure if I always found waiting so unbearable, but I was struggling to cope with it. I just had to sit there and do nothing, and I hated it. I was too restless, too filled with excited energy, and that made me want to get up and run about. Anything would have been better than nothing, but I had to pretend like nothing was going on. I had to act completely normally, and any other day, I would have been sitting on my bed and reading my folder. But it was difficult. My eyes found the clock again, and I was filled with longing. I wished I could speed up time, in both worlds, not just that one. Time already moved faster there. It wasnt the same as my regular world, but it wasnt enough. I just wanted to skip to when Rodgers had come and gone, and we were downstairs. Something hovered at the edge of my mind. Another dizziness. It was almost familiar, feeling similar to the world I was already in, but something was a little off about it. Something was different. Tentatively, I reached out to it and let some of my awareness slip into it. Not all of it, just enough to see the world. Water lapped at my calves as I stood on a ladder, and laughter echoed around me. My hands tightened on the cold metal as I swayed, the pool spinning around me. No one had noticed my hesitation, and I turned slowly, sitting on the top step and staring. I was in the pool. The same one we had swimming practice in. The world was dark through the fogged windows, and Katie laughed as Scott leapt into the water. But something felt wrong. I wasnt sure what exactly, but I looked around. Everything seemed to be exactly the same. The same people, the same room, the same world. But it was later. It was almost eleven. Id found another world where time moved even faster, and, as much as that did appeal to me, I felt myself recoiling away from it. Im not sure why, but I didnt want to be there. There was a sensation in my stomach, something sitting heavily, that told me to leave. I think I must have just been too used to the other world. To my regular spy world. Going to a different one where I might not have had the same experiences or bonded with people as well felt wrong. I couldnt stay there. My regular other world was perfect, anyway, and I was strangely loyal to it. I didnt want to go to another version of it where something might be different and risk losing anything. Waiting was better than that. So, I said, shaking my head and bringing myself back to my normal spy world. Run me through the plan again. I want to make sure Ive not forgotten anything. A grin stretched over Katies face, and Abbie whirled around. She rushed towards me, her eyes alight with excitement, as Katie sat up and swung her legs off the bed. I did the same, facing Katie and leaning towards her as Abbie dropped onto the bed next to me. She huddled close, leaning forwards so we could whisper. Okay, so we wait until Rodgers has done his rounds, Abbie started. Then, Ill open the door just a little. Just enough so that we can listen out for the others. Well wait until theyve gone first, so if it is a trap or something, we know, and we dont get in trouble. Great, I said, my stomach tightening at the thought of getting in trouble, but Abbie continued reciting the plan as if I hadnt spoken. Then, we sneak out and go to the kitchens. They should be unlocked, but if theyre not, then we know Rodgers was lying, and we come back up here because he could be lying about the other stuff too. I dont think he was, Katie said thoughtfully. I mean, Ive been thinking about it, and I cant see why he would be. And theres not actually a rule against it, is there? Confusion came over Abbies face as she looked at Katie. What do you mean? Like theres no rule that says we need to go to bed at ten, is there? Katie asked. I felt my eyebrows pull together as I considered her question. I dont think so, I said slowly. There wasnt. Wed never actually been told that we had to go to bed at ten; that was just when they wanted us to turn the lights out. No one usually came around and enforced it, though. Wed just been going to sleep at that time because we were exhausted, not because we had to. But no one had even told us we werent allowed to leave our rooms after then. The only thing wed been told was that some rooms would be locked and that we werent to go into them without a teacher being present, but that was usually for good reason. The shooting range was one of those rooms. The greenhouse, too. It was for safety, so we couldnt get hurt. Nothing else had been mentioned, though, so maybe it wasnt a problem at all. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. I dont think so either, Abbie agreed softly. Theres nothing in the folders about it either. It just mentions lights out and that were expected to go to sleep at that time to ensure we have an adequate amount of sleep. But that doesnt mean we have to. Just that we should, Katie pointed out. I guess not, Abbie said, but she still looked nervous. So Im sure well be able to get into the kitchen without any trouble, Katie said confidently. And then well get a bunch of snacks, and Scott and Seth will meet us there. Or, I guess theyll meet us in the dojo if were done before they get there. I opened my mouth to ask why we were meeting in the dojo and not the pool before a memory hit me. Wed debated it earlier, after Rodgers had left the room. I wanted us to go swimming. An after-hours pool party with no teachers would have been so fun, and not just because I would be able to see a certain person in their swimming trunks again. I mean, that thought had barely even crossed my mind, and it didnt really matter, anyway. Id seen Seth in them before. We had swimming class together. I just thought it would be fun. Katie suggested the dojo before I could, and Seth agreed quickly. I had to fight to keep the disappointed pout from my face, but they had a good point. We couldnt exactly eat snacks whilst swimming, and wed be able to talk more in the dojo. That would be nice. I felt like wed barely had a chance to just do nothing and chat since wed gotten to the Academy. We had weekends, of course, but they were usually filled with exercising as much as I could without being told to take it easy by the tutors who wandered around and catching up on learning. There were too many things to do and focus on, and the tutors were always mentioning something new that I felt the need to immediately start studying. Actually, I thought, pulling out of the fantasy a little. Someone had mentioned something in class that morning that Id wanted to make a note of. Something that I could do in the other world, my normal world, to prepare for when we covered it in class. I wracked my brain for a moment before it hit me. Programming. It had been mentioned by Mr Schooler. Hed said wed start working on it after we all had received our specialisms. I needed to go to the library in the fantasy and do some research in reality. Programming sounded impossible to me. It always had. I wasnt sure what it was about it, maybe just the endless rows of numbers and seemingly meaningless words, but it made my brain hurt even to just think about it. That was a problem. It was probably a really useful skill, especially if I did end up not being a field operative. It seemed like something that the behind the scenes people probably had to do a lot, and that made me immediately grimace. Perhaps fieldwork would be a better fit. But actually, maybe Id still need to learn how to programme. I knew very little about actual fieldwork, but I was pretty sure that spies in movies normally did some kind of programming or coding. I needed to learn, I realised, suppressing a resigned sigh. It was probably one of those skills that was really useful, like sewing. That was another one that one of the tutors had mentioned how important that was, and it made me wince. Wed learnt how to sew in school, and I wasnt good at it. Id made a lopsided and unevenly stuffed pillow that my mom had suggested we bin the moment Id brought it home. Dad had been scandalised, of course. It had sparked an argument, and Id hid in my room to avoid it, but the next morning, my dad sent me a picture of the ugly pillow on his office chair. He said hed been meaning to replace his lumbar support cushion for ages and that it was perfect for that. Hed gone so far as to tell me that it made him smile every time he saw it. It might, but I was pretty sure it was causing permanent damage to his back, which couldnt be worth it. But now I needed to learn how to sew properly. Rory, the first aid teacher and nurse, had said it was important. Everyone, not just field agents, had to learn how to deal with basic wounds, and that included being able to suture them if needed. It prevented scars, or made them less noticeable, and that was important too. Everyone had scars, but too many could force an agent into retirement. They made a person too noticeable. Too identifiable to the wrong people. I wasnt sure who exactly the wrong people were, but my mind flashed back to the people whod hunted Mitch. The Sterlings. I wouldnt want them to be able to easily identify me. That felt dangerous. If I had an obvious or notable scar, Id need to cover it any time I did anything. If they could access security camera feeds, which was likely based on what wed been taught, they could find me anywhere. But that didnt matter. Not for the world I was in. The Sterlings probably werent there; they were in Mitchs world. But that didnt mean that they couldnt exist in any other world. In fact, they probably did. As far as I was aware, most of the things in Mitchs world were the same as my normal world, and the same was true with the spy world. That meant that the Sterlings probably existed in all three. A shudder ripped through me, but I tried to ignore it. It didnt mean anything. The company could exist in all of the worlds, but they only knew me in Mitchs. I was safe. As long as I stayed out of that world, they couldnt hurt me. Um what are we going to do once we get to the dojo? Abbie asked nervously. I blinked, glancing around. I hadnt been paying any attention to the conversation, but now I focused on her. She was picking at the skin around her nails, and her expression was tight with worry. I guess well just hang out and chat, Katie said uncertainly, glancing at me. I wasnt sure what else to say, though. I could see that Abbie wasnt particularly reassured by Katies words, but I didnt know how to make it better. That sounds nice, I said, trying to sound enthusiastic. It will be! There was a beat of silence, broken only by the faint sound of Abbie picking at her nails. So did you throw many parties? I asked Katie. Before you came here, I mean. It was the first question that came into my head, but I saw Abbie look at Katie out of the corner of my eye. Mmm, not really, Katie replied. I didnt really like being at home. Things werent too good there, so I mostly just went to parties. Actually I dont think Ive ever thrown one. What about you? I hesitated, unsure how to answer her. I didnt throw parties or really enjoy going to them too much in real life, but I wasnt sure whether I did in that world. I had a few foggy memories of house parties, but they were strangely hard to recall. They felt too distant, inaccessible. Not really. I mean, I didnt really throw them either, but I went to some, I said finally. Katie smiled at me, and we both glanced at Abbie. I felt rude for not asking her about it, but shed said earlier that she hadnt been to a party in years. There was clearly a reason or something that stopped her from going, but I didnt want her to feel like she had to tell us if she didnt want to. Abbie wasnt even looking at us. At first, I thought she was staring into space, but her posture was wrong. She was sitting too upright, her eyes fixed on the door. My eyes darted towards it. What is it? I asked softly, anxiety starting to build within me. I think I can hear footsteps, she said after a pause. Katie leant back, her gaze snapping to the door, and I strained my ears to try to pick up whatever Abbie was hearing. For a moment, I couldnt hear anything, but then I caught it. There was a step followed by a pause, a slight brushing noise and another step. One stride was heavier than the other, and the rhythm was unsteady. Its Rodgers, I said with certainty. He was still in a knee brace. It had to be him. Katies eyes darted between Abbie and me. I cant hear him. You two have good ears, she said, her posture relaxing slightly. I smiled but didnt respond. I was too busy focusing on the footsteps again. They were slowly moving closer, causing excitement and nervousness to battle within me, but I still didnt move. A faint knock sounded, and my eyes widened. It wasnt our door, but I hadnt expected him to knock on anyones. I stared at the others, my mind working fast. Rodgers had been the one to suggest a party, even if he hadnt outwardly said it. Did that mean we were meant to play along and pretend we were just going to go to bed and not celebrate? If so, we needed to do something. We were still in our normal uniform rather than pyjamas, and it was almost time for lights out. We had to act fast. What do we do? Abbie asked, her voice high-pitched and worried. Go into the bathroom, I said quickly, guessing that shed struggle to lie to a teacher. I would too, but I could manage. Turn the shower on, and well pretend youre in there. Katie and I will get our pyjamas and make it seem like were getting ready for bed. She hesitated for a moment before nodding and darting away from us as Katie and I rushed to grab our clothes. I paused, listening again, but it was hard to hear anything over the shower. I didnt even hear Rodgers approaching before there was a knock at the door. Katie looked at me, panic crossing her face. I dropped my pyjamas onto my bed, trying to work out how to make it appear like I was about to get changed. I was putting too much thought into it, focusing on something that didnt matter. Who is it? she called out. Rodgers, came the reply. Can I come in? Yes! There was a slight pause before the door swung open, and Rodgers smiled at us. Sorry for the intrusion. Im just doing my rounds and was asked to check in and make sure that everyone is okay, he explained with a slight wince. Dont worry, I said, my voice coming out smoothly. Were all good in here. Just getting ready for bed. Mmm, Im exhausted, Katie added with a realistic yawn. Rodgers smirked, amusement flitting across his face. Great. I assume Abbies in the bathroom? he asked. I forced myself to look confused. Yeah, where else would she be? I questioned innocently. Rodgers shook his head, clearly trying to hide the laugh that was making his lips twitch. I have no clue, he said. Well, I should be off. I have my rounds to finish. Sleep well. You too, Katie and I chorused at the same time. 3.9 Its mine! I pressed my ear against the door more firmly, my eyes fixed on Abbies face as I listened. I couldnt hear anything, though. There was no noise beyond the door anymore. The hushed giggling and voices that had echoed through the corridor minutes ago were now gone. The rest of the cohort, the other kids, were gone. Theyd already gone down to the pool, as far as I could tell. And that meant it was almost time for us to go too. That was the plan. We were going to let the others go first and wait to see if they got into trouble before going ourselves. It was the best option, the safest one, but it also meant more waiting around. That was difficult for me, but not as hard as it had been earlier. I was too excited, too immersed in the world to care. I was barely paying attention to what was happening in reality, and I didnt care. Nervousness was still pulling at me, though. I was almost certain that it wasnt a trap, but that didnt stop a small voice in the back of my mind from telling me it was. I trusted Rodgers. I really did, but I barely knew him. Id spent more time with him than Katie and Abbie, but I still didnt know him properly. He could have been lying to us. It could all be a set-up, but I didnt think it was. I couldnt hear anything through the door. Surely, if it was a trap, I would have been able to. There would have been shouting or alarms or something, but there was nothing. I couldnt hear anything. If theyd managed to make it to the pool or wherever else they were going, we wouldnt have been able to hear them. The dorm rooms were too far away, and the walls too thick. But it would make sense to go check on them first. The pool wasnt close to the kitchen, our first stop, but we should still walk past it. Then, wed know for sure. My eyes darted between Katie and Abbie as I strained my ears to pick up any sound. There was nothing. Licking my lips, I hesitated before speaking. I think we should go by the pool before we go to the kitchen, I said, my soft voice making Abbie jump. Just to make sure theyre there and didnt get caught or anything. Abbies brow furrowed, but she nodded before looking at Katie. Thats a good idea, she whispered. I dont hear anything. Can we go now? I looked at Abbie, who seemed to be concentrating hard. Yeah. I dont hear anything either, she confirmed after a few seconds. I grinned and stepped back, waiting for Katie to open the door. Annoyance flashed through me. I was slipping back into my old habits, I realised. I just expected someone else to make the first move, and then Id follow them, and that was wrong. I wasnt meant to act like that in the spy world; I was meant to be confident. Reaching towards the door handle, I pulled it open and stepped out into the corridor beyond. It was dark. The lights were dimmed, and it was silent. The only noise was the quiet snick as Katie shut the bedroom door. My breathing felt shallow as I started to move along the hallway towards the stairs, keeping my steps as light as possible. Anxiety danced in my heart, making me jumpy. The faintest noise, the slightest sound, sent my pulse racing. Katie and Abbie were moving quietly too, and I was glad. If they werent, if theyd been giggling or talking, I dont think I would have been able to do it. My nerves would have gotten the better of me, and I would have turned around and gone back to bed. There was something about the situation that felt strangely familiar. The sneaking around late at night, scared of being caught, was something Id experienced before. Quite a few times. It felt too close to being back home. If Id shut my eyes, Id be able to convince myself that I was there. It was late at night, and I was sneaking downstairs to get some food. Maybe I hadnt eaten earlier, or I was just hungry again for no reason and didnt want to spend another night unable to sleep and too aware of the gnawing ache in my stomach. I had to be quiet. My mom might still be downstairs, and there was no way to know if she was awake or what kind of mood shed be in. It was likely shed been drinking; she did most nights, if not all. That made things more difficult. Her mood was hard to predict when she was drinking. I froze at the top of the stairs, listening hard. I wasnt back home, trying to make sure my mom didnt catch me and get mad. I was far away from her, in that world at least. But it still felt similar, and judging by Abbie and Katies scared expressions, they were trapped in the same almost deja vu-like state as I was. That would make sense from what I knew of Katies home life. I didnt know much about Abbies and Katie hadnt actually said much, but Id seen the bruises on her body. I could see a hand-shaped mark still peeking out from the bottom of her sleeve. They were taking a while to fade. That explained why Katie looked so scared. Her home life was definitely worse than mine. She was terrified of being hit, not just shouted at like I was. I never really had to put up with my mom hitting me. Shed punched walls and thrown things, but not actually at me. Sometimes, it was kind of in my direction, but things only hit me when they broke, and that had only happened a handful of times. The plate was probably the worst. That had smashed, and a shard had caught the back of my arm. It had taken so long to stop bleeding. But the glass had been pretty bad too, but that was my fault. I hadnt realised how far the pieces had travelled when it smashed and stepped right onto a piece. It had embedded itself deep within the ball of my foot, and Id been limping for weeks. I probably should have gone to a doctor, I realised much later. About both injuries, really. They were deep and really hurt, but there was no point. I would have needed to ask my mom to book me an appointment, and she probably would have refused. She probably didnt remember causing the injuries and would have just accused me of doing them to myself. It wasnt worth the hassle. But she didnt really hit me. She didnt leave bruises on me like Katies dad did. Judging by the sheer number of scars and bruises Id seen on her body, it was a fairly common occurrence. I glanced back at Abbie. Her eyes were darting from side to side, her expression terrified. I wanted to do something to make them both feel less scared, but I wasnt sure what. Something came over me; I acted without thinking, reaching out and taking their hands. Katie jumped at the contact, sucking in a quiet breath. Her gaze found mine, and she gave me an embarrassed smile before lacing her fingers through mine, clinging to me. Abbie hadnt reacted at all. Worry shot through me as I glanced at her. She was staring down at our hands. Her fingers were limp in my grasp, and I started to pull away, but she stopped me. She didnt meet my gaze as she gripped my hand almost as tightly as Katie was. A smile came over my face. Lets go, Katie whispered, taking the first step. I hurried to join her, our hands still connected. It felt a little strange to be holding their hands, but I liked it. I was strangely proud of myself. Both Abbie and Katie seemed less worried and distracted, and I think part of that was due to me. Id broken them out of their thoughts and brought them back to reality. That felt good. But, at the same time, it made me realise something. I wasnt sure Id ever held someones hand before. I probably had. Like when I was a kid or something, one of my parents had most likely held my hand to stop me from running off. I didnt remember that though, and it didnt quite feel the same. Id held Phoebes hand before, probably. During a scary movie or something. I couldnt remember that happening, but it probably had. And Id definitely done it in other worlds. I could remember that, even if I couldnt recall anything else from the worlds or which ones they were, even. We came to a stop again as we reached the bottom of the stairs, half expecting to see a tutor standing there. The hall was empty, though. A sigh of relief slipped from my lips before a shriek split the air. My hands tightened on Abbie and Katies, and my head snapped around. There was a few seconds of silence as I debated turning and sprinting back up the stairs before a splash sounded. Laughter followed it, and I felt my body sag in relief. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. They were in the pool. It wasnt a trick. A smile slowly stretched over my face, and Katie let out a giggle. Well she said. I guess we dont need to go and check on the others. I laughed, and Abbie joined in. The bubble of fear and anxiety that had been encasing us burst, leaving me feeling dangerously light and free. I wanted to run, to dance along the corridor, but I forced myself to walk. My steps were quick, and Katie let go of my hand to link her arm through mine, grinning at me as she did. In the back of my mind, a small voice whispered that it could still be a trap. It could. The noise could be a recording, or they could be biding their time and waiting for us to let our guard down completely before striking, but I didnt care. Everyone else was having fun. I could hear it, and I wanted to join in. I wanted to be carefree and happy, and I could be. Katie threw the kitchen door open, sending it smacking against the wall with a loud bang. We froze instinctively, looking around and waiting for someone to appear, but no one did. Oops, Katie said with a giggle before walking into the room. I followed her, looking around the bright room. The stainless steel countertops gleamed, and I found myself staring. Id never been in the kitchen before. I had no reason to go into it. Our meals were prepared for us and served in the dining room, and over the weekend, they put snacks out for us. So what kind of thing are we looking for? Abbie asked uncertainly. I guess just drinks, chocolate, crisps and stuff like that, Katie replied. I dont really know what they have here. We could just have a look and see what they have? I suggested. Yeah, that makes sense, Abbie agreed. Where do you think theyre kept? I looked around the industrial kitchen again. It was a little intimidating. There were so many cupboards, and every surface was spotless, which made me scared to touch anything. Id leave a mark or ruin it somehow. I dont know, Katie said. Maybe in the cupboards? Abbie nodded and started to move towards the nearest one, pulling it open. The frown on her face told me she hadnt found anything good. Something nudged at my mind. A memory. Id worked in a kitchen before. Not in that world, of course, but in others. There was one in particular that I remembered. The cafe, somewhere in America. Before Id died, Id worked as a waitress there with that boy. Aaron. The one I wished I could go back and save. There had to be a way. I had to be able to think of something I could do to break him out of that endless loop of watching me, every different version of me, die. I could become Beth again. Beth could find a way to save him. With a shake of my head, I started to pull myself away from those thoughts. The dizziness stuck to me, clinging to my mind just as the water had as it dragged me down into the depths. I could feel it. The cunning hooks had speared my mind, my consciousness, and were reeling me in. The fridge, I blurted out, causing Abbie and Katie to look up at me in surprise. They probably keep the drinks in the fridge, right? Oh yeah, probably, Katie said, looking around. I dont see one, though. Am I being dumb? I think they have a walk-in one, I said, nodding towards the door at the back of the room. Oh, duh, Katie replied. Do you want to grab the drinks, and well keep hunting for snacks? Sure! I walked towards the giant white door, eyeing the handle. It could be locked from the outside. That was probably the only way to seal it. There wouldnt be a handle on the inside. I dont know how I knew that, but I did. I was sure of it, and that scared me. I didnt want to be locked in the icy room, slowly freezing to death and feeling my body becoming numb. I could already feel it happening. The sensation was starting to leech out of my fingers, leaving nothing behind. They were turning pink and quickly fading to white and lifeless. I tried to move them, but they were stiff. The joints didnt want to bend. It felt too familiar. Id been there before. In another world, that was how I had died. I could recall the agony of it. My breath caused puffs of white clouds to rise up before my eyes, and my body shook. It trembled, and my throat burned. Each shuddering breath hurt. Every single one until the last. My hand closed around the warm metal handle, and I forced myself to open the door. A waft of cold air crashed into me, and I took a deep breath. It was a fridge, not a freezer like the one I had died in. That was better. It would be harder for me to freeze to death there. Pushing that thought aside, I walked into the fridge, making sure the door stayed open. My gaze roamed the room, shocked by the sheer amount of food around me. Metal shelves lined the room, and all of them were almost overflowing with food. Rows and rows of perfectly ripe fruit and vegetables had been placed in wooden crates. Eggs, so many cartons of eggs, were stacked to one side, next to a seemingly endless selection of milk and fruit juices. Finally, my eyes found the cardboard boxes of fizzy drinks on the bottom shelf. I rushed towards them, crouching down to examine them. There were so many options, too many. Coke, diet and regular, lemonades, Dr Pepper, and more. I wasnt quite sure what to do or which one people liked, which made me want to grab all of them, but I didnt have enough hands; I wouldnt be able to carry them all. But I didnt need to. One of the boxes was almost empty, and there was another full one behind it. I could load some other drinks into there and then just carry that. It was the best way to do it. A smile came over my face, and I started slotting cans into the Coke box, making sure to get a couple of each one. It was silly, but I was a little nervous about that. Part of me was scared Id chosen the wrong drinks and people would be annoyed. Or they wouldnt drink any of them, and that worried me too. I couldnt really do anything about that, I tried to reassure myself as I finished selecting the drinks and lifted the box carefully but the built-in handle. The hard paper cut into my hand, but I was able to heft it into the air with ease. The box felt heavy still, of course, but I could lift it without immediately wanting to put it down. That realisation made me happy. I was getting stronger. Working out and being in that world was making me stronger, and Id never felt like that before. Id never considered that I could be strong, but I was excited by the idea. Maybe, if I kept it up, I could have actual muscles one day. Not massive ones, of course, but some. My mom would hate that. She didnt like it when women looked too strong; shed said that many times. It made them look manly, according to her, and no man would want someone who looked like that. That was so stupid, though, and it didnt really even matter. Even so, my mind went to Duncan. If I did get muscly, how would he feel about it? He probably wouldnt notice anything, especially not at first. It had only been a couple of weeks, so I doubted that my body looked that different. But if it continued, would he be repulsed by me, like Mom said? That didnt really matter, though. I doubted that he was attracted to me, as it was. I wasnt particularly attractive or nice to look at; I was just plain. He was probably just flirting with me because I wasnt sure. Maybe because we were friends or because he liked my personality, but that didnt feel right either. My personality wasnt very interesting either. You found the drinks? Katie asked as I walked out of the fridge, breaking me out of my thoughts. I lifted the box to show them. Yeah. I put a bunch of different ones in here, I said. Katie grinned. Youre a genius! she remarked. This is why you were assigned to every specialism! I wouldnt have thought to do that! I blushed at her compliment. I really hadnt done anything that smart. It was mere luck that I even saw the box. Actually, we should find something to carry these in, Abbie said, glancing at the small mountain of snacks they had piled on the counter. Katie spun around, her eyes roaming the kitchen. Do you see any bags? she asked. No, Abbie said after a moment. I guess well just carry these. Grace, do you think we have enough? I eyed the pile again. Yeah, Id say so. Awesome! Katie cried happily, scooping as many as she could into her arms. Lets go! Abbie hurried to follow her, picking up the remaining items and rushing out of the kitchen. I walked after them, a grin on my lips. As we moved through the corridors, the noise from the pool got louder. Laughter and constant splashing came from the end of the hall, and I couldnt help looking into the room as we passed. Most people were in the pool, playing some game with inflatable beach balls. I hesitated, watching as Derrick grabbed a ball from Sally, cheering triumphantly before quickly being dunked underwater. Sally emerged from the water, the ball clutched in her hand. Its mine! she shouted. I grinned, looking at Katie and Abbie, who had continued along the corridor towards the dojo, leaving a trail of dropped snacks in their wake. Part of me wanted to join the people in the pool. It looked so fun, but I wanted to spend time with my roommates, Scott and Seth more. The pool was too loud, too hard to talk. We could always go in there later, if we wanted. Turning, I continued down the corridor, collecting the items that must have fallen out of Abbie and Katies arms. I caught up with them just as they reached the door to the dojo and pushed it open. Scott and Seth were already in there, which surprised me. Seth looked up, his eyes finding me immediately, and a slight smile touched his lips. Hey, he called out. Hey! Katie replied. Oh, you got snacks too? Nice! Yeah, we just grabbed a few of everything. Wasnt sure what youd like. Thats what we did too! Abbie said. Wait, where did you find the bags? Katie asked as we crossed the floor towards where they were sitting. I dropped the food unceremoniously on the floor with the stuff the boys had brought before putting the box of drinks down next to it and stretching my hand. The cardboard handle had been cutting into it for too long, and now it stung. Oh, there were a bunch on the back of the door, Scott said, looking up at us. Did you not see them? Katie glanced back at us, her expression confused. No? Yeah, I didnt either, I confirmed as she sat on the floor next to Scott. I glanced at Seth before sitting down too, seeing his smile as I took the space beside him. Oh no, Abbie groaned. Were going to fail our observation classes, arent we? 3.10 Im down to play if you are. I snorted before erupting into laughter, unable to stop the noise from escaping. Abbie looked so worried, so tortured by the idea of us failing a class, but I could help laughing along with the others. Normally, even just the thought of failing anything would fill me with dread until I was nauseous, and I wasnt sure why. My school always made a point to tell us how bad it was, of course. Failing could become a habit. Laziness was tempting, easy to slip into, and it ruined lives. Finishing school as a failure meant you couldnt do anything with your life, according to my teachers. I wasnt quite sure I believed them, but their scare tactics worked. With the exception of French, which felt impossible, I did my best to succeed and avoid failing. But at the Academy, it didnt feel quite so bad. It could mean we were kicked out, of course, but it didnt seem that simple. Theyd try to help us; Ms Brice had told me that. Theyd offer tutoring, classes to help us catch up and more, and that made it easier to laugh. Even Abbie was giggling slightly. It felt so nice, so natural. There was a camaraderie and playfulness in the air that I wasnt used to. We were in it together. A team, almost. We were all staying in the Academy. No one was being kicked out or sent home. The thought brought a smile to my face, and I caught sight of my reflection in the mirrored wall. I was grinning. There was no trace of anxiety or self-consciousness in my expression, just happiness. So Katie said once we fell silent. I guess were all staying. There was a hint of surprise in her voice, like she couldnt quite believe it either. I felt the same way. Id been waiting for the moment when I was told I couldnt stay. Having someone else say it out loud helped it feel more real, more firm. We were all staying. I repeated that in my head again and again, trying to make it sink in. I knew that things might change later. I could still be kicked out, and so could everyone else, but for now we were all allowed to stay at the Academy and train to be spies. Well, Scott was training to be an intelligence analyst rather than a field agent like the rest of us, but that still counted. We are, Seth said before glancing at me. I was almost certain you were being sent home; your meeting was so long, but Im glad youre staying. There was a softness to his voice and a hesitant tenderness in his expression that made butterflies flutter in my stomach. I couldnt hold his gaze for any longer. I looked down, my cheeks burning. Im glad too, I said before looking up at the others. I mean, Im glad we all are. I felt so awkward and uncertain as silence settled over the room again, and I reached out for a drink just for something to do, barely even paying attention to which drink I grabbed. As I opened the can, I looked up and met Katies knowing gaze. I felt even more blood rush into my cheeks as they began to burn even hotter. Katie clearly saw how Id reacted to Seths words. She saw my blush and the happiness theyd caused, and I couldnt hold her gaze. I looked away, spotting Scott, who was gazing adoringly at Katie. She hadnt seemed to notice, though. I knew she liked him, but she seemed so oblivious to his feelings for her. How could she see through me so clearly but not see Scott? Staring down at the can of Fanta in my hands, I realised that the room was quiet still. The silence was broken occasionally by the crunch of someone eating snacks, but that was it. I wanted to say something, to fill the empty space with words, but I couldnt think of anything. I wasnt good in social situations, and I knew that. I didnt have many friends in my real world, just Phoebe and Duncan. There were a couple of other people who I spoke to in class sometimes, but I wouldnt exactly call them friends. Id never thought about it too much, never worried about it, but I realised it meant I had no clue what to do or how to hang out with a group of people. It was more than that, though. We were meant to be celebrating, throwing a party. It didnt feel like a party. There was no music and no alcohol. I couldnt remember the last time Id been to a party without alcohol, not that I went to many parties. It felt like it had been years. It would have felt more like a party if we had alcohol; I knew that. I would have been more comfortable too. Drinking made it easier for me, in a way. I could socialise with people without overthinking everything I said quite as much, and being surrounded by so many people didnt really bother me. I could put up with it for longer. But that scared me. Alcohol made it easier for me, but I didnt want to rely on it. I was terrified of feeling like I couldnt go without it. It may have made it easier to do certain things, like talk to people, but I knew it was dangerous to use it too much. If I did, Id be going down the same path as my mom. I didnt want that. The mere thought of it terrified me and made me never want to drink anything again. I couldnt become her. I didnt want to spend every single afternoon drinking until I passed out and unable to go more than a day or two without craving a glass of wine or something stronger. My eyebrows drew together. Maybe it started the same way for my mom, though. She used to go to parties and things like that when she was my age; shed bragged about it to me before. Maybe she struggled to speak to people too, or was so wracked by anxiety that it was almost impossible. She might have learnt that alcohol made it easier and started drinking more and more until she couldnt stop. And now Now, that was her life. She had no friends and didnt work. She went through so many bottles of wine every single week because what else would she do with her time? Maybe thats why she drank. Maybe it stopped her from thinking too much about how disappointed she was with how things had turned out. Shed told me that last time we were in Scotland. She was drunk, more drunk than Id seen her in a long time. I dont know what happened to cause it, but it made her sad. Melancholy. She was drinking something from a clear and dusty bottle, probably taken from her parents alcohol collection, and sitting alone at the kitchen table doing nothing more than staring blankly at the wood. She wanted more. More from her relationship with my dad, more from me and just more from life. It was enough for her. Nothing was enough for her. My grip tightened on the can. I couldnt become her. I wouldnt become her. I had more awareness and knew what I wanted to avoid; that had to help. And I had a plan. I had a future. That was important. It meant I could work towards it rather than floundering and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life before settling on nothing. I would be happy and fulfilled. The strength of the thought scared me a little. I wasnt used to feeling so passionately about anything, but I did. I held the realisation close, letting it fill me with determination. So wheres everyone from? Katie said, breaking me out of my thoughts. Umm Abbie started, picking at the tab on her can. I dont think were meant to talk about that. I looked at her in confusion as the others did the same. What? Katie asked. Abbie looked up, her eyes darting around the group nervously before returning to focusing on her drink as her cheeks started to colour. It said it in the folders. Did no one else see it? Katie shook her head, and I thought back, trying to remember. There was something in my memories, some faint recollection of what Abbie had said, but I couldnt remember the specifics. I must have missed it, Seth said with a shrug. What did it say? Abbie glanced up, hesitating again before speaking. Were meant to limit how much we say about our lives before we came here and not give any specific details whenever possible, Abbie explained. Its just when were in the induction period, though. After that, its fine. Why? I asked. In case we get kicked out, Scott said. Right? I looked back at Abbie, who nodded. Yeah. I think its so we cant find each other again. The less we know about each other, the safer it is. I chewed my lip as I considered that. It made sense, in a way, but I didnt like it. If I got sent home, Id want to be able to see them again, but I knew that probably wouldnt be possible. Theyd still be at the Academy, and the brochures Ms Brice had given my parents explained that we didnt get to come home very often. The only way Id be able to see anyone was if they got kicked out too, but there would be no way for me to know that theyd gone. Not unless they were sent home first. If we actually went home, that is. Wed been told that wed be sent to a boarding school somewhere, given a good education so that we could potentially still join the department at some point when we graduated. Scott picked at his nails, his eyes landing on Katie for just a moment before flitting away. I could almost hear how hard his brain was working, and that made me want to know what he was thinking. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. London! he blurted out, answering the question for me. Im from London. Katies expression brightened, and she broke into a smile. Really? she asked. Im from London too! Where abouts did you live? Am I allowed to ask that? She looked at Abbie, who looked uncomfortable. Probably not, she said, her eyebrows drawn together worriedly. Maybe if Scott keeps it kind of vague and just says the area, it will be okay? Katie grinned at her before turning back to Scott with an excited expression. You dont have to tell me if you dont want to, she told him. Scott hesitated, his gaze flicking between Katie and Abbie. Peckham, he said after a few seconds. Katie looked surprised. No way! Im from Brixton. Thats really close to you! she cried. I wonder if we ever ran into each other, like at school or something I guess I cant ask which school you went to, right? Thats probably too specific. Uhh it wouldnt really matter anyway, Scott said as colour started to creep up his neck. We didnt go to the same school. How do you know? Scott was silent as he reached into the centre for another drink, taking his time to decide which one he wanted. He seemed embarrassed for some reason, and I couldnt work out why. Maybe he went to a bad school or something, and he was scared to tell Katie about it. He was really smart though, so I doubted it. Perhaps it was the opposite. Maybe he went to a really good school, a posh one, and he didnt want Katie to judge him for it. I didnt think she would. She didnt seem particularly judgemental. I was homeschooled, he said finally. Oh, really? Abbie asked, leaning forwards with an interested look on her face. I didnt know you could be homeschooled in the UK, Katie said. Any time Ive heard someone talk about it online, theyve been American. Yeah its kind of rare over here Scott said uncomfortably, refusing to meet Katies gaze and instead staring at his hands. That makes sense, Abbie said. Ive looked into it before, and the rules surrounding it are weird. Like, its up to each county to decide whether or not a person can be homeschooled, so in some places, its a lot easier, but some are way more difficult. And, there are a bunch of rules and stuff you need to follow to be able to do homeschooling, and it can be changed overnight, which makes it even harder. I stared at Abbie. She knew so much about it, and I had no clue how. Based on the way everyone else was staring at Abbie, apart from Scott, who continued to stare intently at his hands, they had no knowledge of it either. How do you know so much about it? Katie asked finally. Abbies eyes widened, and she glanced around at us, seeming to realise we were all staring at her. She looked away, slowly taking a sip. She didnt want to answer Katies question, I realised, but I wasnt sure what to do about it. My mind started turning quickly, trying to think of something to say to change the subject. A question to ask someone, maybe. Not Scott. He still looked uncomfortable. Seth, perhaps. No, Katie. But what could I ask her? I looked into it before, Abbie said before I could think of anything to say. A while back. I didnt like school. People were mean, and my parents are never home, so at least Im normally left alone there. I thought that would be better, but it was too hard to sort out, so I couldnt do it. Sympathy crossed Katies face, and I felt my heart clench at Abbies words. I hated that anyone had been mean to her. She deserved better than that. She was nice. I couldnt imagine her ever being rude or cruel to anyone, so there was no reason for anyone to act like that towards her. They were probably just bullying her because I wasnt sure, but I didnt like it. Wed fallen silent again, and I could see how uncomfortable Abbie was. I needed to think of something to say, a conversation starter, but I couldnt. How does homeschooling work? I blurted out after a few seconds. Like, do your parents teach you or something? It wasnt a particularly eloquent question, and I knew that, but it was better than silence. I looked at Scott, expecting him to answer, but it was Abbie who spoke. Sometimes, she said. It depends, really. I looked into getting some tutors, but I think some people are taught by their parents. There are all sorts of online classes and programmes and stuff that you can use instead, though. Thats interesting, Katie said, her eyes darting towards Scott, who didnt notice. Yeah, I agreed, just to say something. Silence filled the room again, but not for long. So is everyone else from London? Katie asked, looking at me and Seth. I opened my mouth to speak before shutting it again. I actually didnt know. My memories were too vague. From what I could recall when I first entered the fantasy, my house was pretty much the same as in real life. It looked the same from the inside, and I had caught a glimpse of the outside before I got on the bus. It had looked the same too. There was too much greenery around the house, which made me think it wasnt London. I probably lived in the same place as in reality, the same dull and quiet town. No, Im from a town a couple of hours away from London, I said, not mentioning the name of it just in case it was different. Katie nodded before looking at Abbie. I lived a little further than that, she said. Same. I went to London a few times, and I think it took three or four hours, Seth added. Huh, fair, Katie said. Wed all been vague in our answers, but I assumed their reason was different to mine. They were probably just concerned about providing too many details, but I wasnt. I was just scared about saying the wrong thing and someone noticing. What if there were cameras in the room recording us? Would I get called into a meeting with Ms Brice or another terrifying teacher and asked why I lied about where Im from? How would I answer them? I couldnt exactly say I wasnt sure. Theyd think that I was stupid or that there was something wrong with me, and that would be bad. Did everyone else like school? I asked, mostly to distract myself from my thoughts. Not really, Seth said with a slight shrug. I mean, some classes were okay, but mostly, it was just boring. Its much better here. What about you? Umm... same, I said before glancing at Katie. It was okay, she replied, scrunching up her nose. Better than being at home. What was your favourite subject? She was looking at Seth, and I did the same. He cocked his head, his expression thoughtful. Probably English, but I think thats just because I like to read, he said. It got really boring sometimes, though. Like when we spent weeks and weeks analysing some boring book from hundreds of years ago. Actually maybe PE was my favourite. Katie nodded, and I found myself joining in. That makes sense, I said, the words just slipping out before I could stop them. Seths eyebrow rose, and a smile played around his lips as mortification spread through me. I hadnt meant to say that out loud; it was supposed to be just a thought. My cheeks burnt, and I tried frantically to think of a way to explain myself. It does? Seth asked. There was a teasing lilt to his voice, and I wasnt sure what to make of that. He was flirting with me, I thought. I couldnt think of anything to say back to him, though. I knew I should have flirted back or at least tried to play it cool, but my mind was empty. I didnt know how to. Yeah. I mean, youre really fit. Katie choked on her drink, and Abbie hit her on the back as she tried to hide her grin. I was digging a hole. Each sentence that came out of my mouth made it worse, and there was no escape. I was past the point of no return. I hadnt meant what I said. Not really, at least. I wanted to say that Id been in fitness class with him, and hed done really well. He had great stamina. It sounded like I was just complimenting his body. Not that he seemed to mind. He was openly smiling. He looked pleased, and that just made me feel even more embarrassed. You think so? he asked. He was definitely flirting, but my mind was still too panicked to come up with a response. It felt like there was an alarm bell ringing in my head and reminding me how stupid I was. I was stupid. I needed to think before I spoke or just do better. I had to find a way to cover up how dumb Id been. Playing it cool was the best way, I decided. I could do that. It wouldnt be particularly convincing, but it was better than nothing, probably. Yeah, I said with a shrug that was too quick to be casual. I mean, its clear you work out a lot. Seth paused, his cheeks turning ever so slightly pink. You look like you do too, he said. I couldnt hold his gaze. I wasnt used to people complimenting me like that. It was too explicit. There was no backhanded follow-up like I was used to from my mom. It was just a compliment, and that didnt feel natural. Katies eyes flicked between Seth and me, her expression unreadable. It looked almost like she was trying to tell me something. The way her gaze hovered on me before bouncing to Seth again was too slow, too deliberate. I couldnt work out what she was trying to convey, though. After a few seconds, she rolled her eyes. There was a slight smile on her face that made me feel less guilty about not understanding her. Do you know what I think we should do? she asked the group before lifting her bottle to her lips and downing it quickly. The tone of her voice concerned me. She was up to something. What? I asked cautiously. Play spin the bottle. I saw a fleeting look of hope cross Scotts face before disappearing, but I wasnt sure how to feel. I dont know, Abbie said with a shrug as she plucked a mini chocolate chip muffin from the pile of snacks in the centre. That doesnt sound very fun for me. I mean, theres no one here I want to kiss. No offence or anything. You all seem really nice, but youre my friends, so it would be weird. Well, it doesnt need to be just kissing, Katie suggested. It can be, obviously, but we could make it into truth or dare. It might help us get to know each other better. I chewed on the inside of my lip, not sure what to say to that. No one spoke for a few seconds, but Scott looked like he was ready to agree to whatever Katie said. Seth seemed okay with the idea too. I could see him out of the corner of my eyes, and he looked completely unfazed. It was just Abbie and I who werent sure. I wanted to play; I really did, but I also felt bad. I hoped the bottle would land on me immediately and Katie would dare me to kiss Seth, but it felt wrong. It made me feel too guilty. It was because of Duncan. Id been flirting with him, and we had a date planned for when I got home in less than a week. Thinking about other boys, flirting with them and maybe even kissing them filled me with worry. It felt like I was cheating on Duncan even though I knew that was stupid. I wasnt dating Duncan. I wasnt even sure if he was actually into me, and it wasnt like I was going out and flirting with or dating actual guys. It was in another world, a fantasy. Plus, we werent together in that world. Wed stopped talking years ago, I remembered, my stomach sinking with sadness. I was single; there was no one I was even flirting with. If we were together in every single world I went to, that would be different, but we werent. I didnt know Duncan in some, and if I stopped myself from being allowed to flirt with Seth in my spy world, what did that mean for the other worlds? Would I not be able to flirt with or date anyone else? That felt wrong. Id be denying all other versions of myself from ever being able to date or kiss or flirt with any other person just because I felt guilty about it, and that was stupid. I didnt want to do that to myself. That wasnt the point of my fantasies. They were to escape reality, to get away. I didnt want to feel even more trapped in them. I wanted to be free. Plus, thats what they were. A fantasy. Something that was happening just in my head and probably wasnt real. I could do whatever I wanted there. I could play spin the bottle and maybe kiss Seth if I wanted to, and I didnt need to feel guilty about that. Maybe if I actually started dating Duncan, I would pull back a little and not flirt with Seth as much, but... I didnt need to worry about that yet. I still would, of course, but I didnt need to. I met Katies expectant gaze, doing my best to seem unfazed before shrugging. Sure. Im down to play if you are, Abbie? 3.11 I wasnt aiming. Abbies eyes darted back and forth as she tried to work out whether or not she wanted to play, causing anxiety to build within me. She looked so nervous, and that made me feel bad. It seemed like she didnt want to play. There was something else holding her back, something more than just not wanting to kiss any of us. I understood her reluctance, though. Truth or dare wasnt always fun. I knew that too well. A memory floated to the surface of my mind, making my stomach clench with unhappiness. I tried to push it away, not wanting to remember it, but it refused to leave. Id gone to a party a couple of years ago. It was back when I was only twelve or thirteen maybe, before I started drinking. It was all girls there, and wed played truth or dare. Id been too scared to choose dare, even though I didnt want to choose truth either, and the idea of sitting out and not playing hadnt even occurred to me. I didnt remember the question, thankfully. My brain must have blocked it out, and I was glad. I didnt want to remember it. I wasnt sure what had been said or who had asked it. But the way it made me feel had stuck with me. The hollowness in my stomach stuck with me for a long time. The awareness that everyone was looking at me and waiting for me to answer the cruel question was too much for me to cope with. My mind jumped into overdrive, trying to come up with a way for me to avoid saying whatever it was that they wanted me to say. Id panicked, suggested a dare instead, but one of them had just smiled at me and reminded me that I chose truth. Giggles echoed through my head as the memory gripped me. Theyd laughed at my panic. They were enjoying it. I was there alone. I had no one to look to, and no one helped me. I thought they were my friends. Wed gone to school together for so long, but not a single person came to my rescue and the one person I could rely on, Phoebe, wasnt there. It wasnt her fault. She was sick, had been throwing up all day, but still, I was furious at her. It was misplayed, misdirected, but Id felt so betrayed. It made me feel guilty looking back on it. Phoebe had apologised so much, and once I had told her what had happened, she was furious. More angry than I had been, even. I didnt go to a party for a little while after that. I couldnt bring myself to do it, and Phoebe never pushed. We just threw our own parties with just the two of us, and that was enough. Of course, it didnt last forever. That was Duncans fault. His endless optimism wore me down. He didnt push or pressure me to go to the parties either, but he invited me nonetheless. I think he must have found out what had happened. Ella was at the party too. Most of the girls in our class were there. Someone would have told him that Id run out of the party crying and hadnt come back. People had talked about it at school. Id heard them. Id walked home, hid in the field behind the house for a while and then told Mom that someones parent had dropped me home. She didnt ask any questions and barely even looked at me before going back to watching television. I was glad, though. If she had, if she had asked me how the party went and why I was back so early, I probably would have broken down again. Something like that could have happened to Abbie. It would explain why she looked so anxious; she was probably worried about it happening again. I would have been, should have been, but Id forgotten about that party for some reason. It had taken a little while to come back to me. I glanced at Katie, torn about what to do. I wanted to say something to make Abbie feel better, but I wasnt sure what to say and hoped that Katie would know. She was silent, though. Her gaze was fixed on Abbie, her expression hopeful as she waited for her answer. She wasnt going to say anything. Looking back at Abbie, I wracked my brain. I wanted to reassure her, but at the same time, I didnt know what to say. It was different for Abbie. If the game went poorly for me, and I couldnt face staying in that world, I could leave. I didnt want to, and it would make me sad, but I could walk away without looking back. Abbie didnt have that option. It was her only world. If you dont want to answer the truth or do a dare, I started, you dont need to. We can always think of another question for you. Abbies eyes darted towards me, her expression surprised. I watched her carefully, trying to work out if I said the right thing. A smile stretched over her lips, and she looked down before nodding. We can play, she mumbled. Yay! Katie cheered. But really, you dont need to answer anything if you dont want to. No one does! I smiled at her, but the movement felt forced. I wasnt sure why, exactly. It was probably just nerves. Of course, Seth added. I mean, everyone has something they dont want to talk about, right? Yeah! Okay, cool. So how should we start this? Should I choose truth or dare first, or should I just spin and then whoever it lands on goes first? Katie asked, sounding a little unsure. I think spin it, Scott said a little too quickly. I watched him carefully, trying to work out why hed said that. Was he hoping it would land on him? Or had he chickened out and was scared of what would happen if Katie was dared to kiss him? I wasnt sure, but I knew I was going to have that as their dare, regardless of which one it landed on. They were so clearly into each other. Everyone must have been able to see it. Yeah? Katie said, glancing at him. Okay, here goes! She pushed some of the snacks to the side, clearing the centre of the group before deftly spinning the bottle. The room was silent as the bottle turned; the only sound was the soft brush of plastic moving against the polished wooden floor. Id been excited to play when Katie first suggested it, but as I watched the bottle turn, I felt that excitement fade. It was quickly being replaced with anxiety and dread. I wasnt sure what to do or what was even causing it, but I didnt want to play. It was a mistake. I wanted to stop the bottle, to stand and run far away from the room, away from the fantasy even, and not look back, but I couldnt. I couldnt move, couldnt do anything as I watched the bottle slow before falling still. Oh! Abbie said, relief that the bottle was not pointing at her evident in her voice. I fought to keep my expression neutral and not let the reluctance show as I stared at the bottle. It was pointing right at me. Yay! Okay, Grace, truth or dare? Katie asked, clapping her hands in excitement. I hesitated, unsure how to answer her. For a brief moment, I was almost tempted to choose dare. It had been so tempting earlier, and Id managed to convince myself that it was a good idea to play and that Id be able to kiss Seth, but that conviction died quickly. The courage was gone. It was too scary. I still wanted to kiss Seth, obviously, and I was pretty sure he wanted to kiss me too, but I couldnt bring myself to choose dare. It was the first round, too. That made a difference because if I chose dare straight away and kissed him, then what? From what Id seen in television shows and movies, the dares always got more and more intense. If we started with a kiss, where could we go from there? I knew where it could lead, but I didnt want it to. Not really. The thought of doing anything more than kissing anyone scared me. It made me feel too unsteady; I wasnt ready. Id never even kissed a boy before. I couldnt be considering jumping straight to doing more. Truth, I said, trying to make my voice sound more confident than I felt. Katie leant back, narrowing her eyes. Hmmm, she said thoughtfully. Anxiety spiked within me. Katie had been nothing but nice to me since I had gotten to the Academy. Shed not done anything mean or cruel, but I was still terrified. She could still choose something horrible to ask me. She knew a couple of things about me. Probably enough to know what I didnt want to talk about. She could ask something about that. My mom had come up a couple of times. They were foggy memories, bits from when I wasnt actually there and was acting on autopilot. I hadnt told her much, but Id told her enough. What if she asked me something about my mom or my life before Id gone to the Academy? I didnt want to answer that. I didnt want to think about it, but I could not ask for a different question. I knew that Id told Abbie it was okay, but it felt wrong for me to do it, and I wasnt sure why. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. There were other things that she could ask that I wouldnt be able to answer, though. What if she asked me if Id ever kissed a boy? Most normal people my age had; I was almost sure of that. I hadnt, though. Not in real life. The opportunity had never really come up. I didnt really even want to until recently. How could I say that without sounding like a loser? Did that matter? If Abbie or Katie said theyd never kissed someone, Id probably be surprised, but I wouldnt judge them. They might, though. It would be different if Seth wasnt there, but he was. He was sitting right next to me. I could feel his eyes on my face as I silently panicked. I didnt want him to know that Id never kissed anyone. So Does anyone have any ideas? Seth asked after a slight pause. Oh! Katie gasped, her eyes widening. I have the perfect question! I eyed her nervously. She was too excited, too animated, and that terrified me. The question was a bad one. It had to be. The urge to open my mouth and say that I changed my mind and actually wanted to do a dare rose within me, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. Okay I said cautiously. What is it? Whats your favourite colour? Katie asked, her tone intense. I couldnt help the laugh that tumbled out of my mouth. The question was so random, so unexpected, that it took me by surprise. I had no clue how to answer her. I thought she was going to say something scary or invasive, but Really? Seth asked teasingly as Abbie and Scott laughed. Thats the best you could come up with? Katies cheeks flushed red. Hey! I think its a good question! she argued. Can you think of a better one? Seth hesitated for a moment before replying. I guess not. Exactly, Katie shot back. So, whats your favourite colour, Grace? I smiled, enjoying their playful arguing, before opening my mouth to answer her and shutting it again. I wasnt sure what to say. My initial thought was purple, but I didnt know where that came from. I liked the colour, but it didnt exactly feel like my favourite anymore. If it ever had been, that was. There were too many other options, too many conflicting thoughts. The sea surrounding Spinalonga came to my mind immediately. The stunningly bright shade of blue that I hadnt seen anywhere else. It was beautiful. So vibrant, yet clear when I was up close. I could see fish darting around in the shallows, some much bigger than I expected. That was such a lovely memory, even if it was tinged with guilt because of Mitch. But there were other colours too. Other memories that invaded my mind. A sunrise. Vivid pink streaking the sky over the town where I once lived. The memory felt so real. I could feel the morning breeze on my face and the touch of a boys arm, the love of my life, around me as we watched the One Who Sees All paint the sky. It was a sombre memory. A sad day. My end was coming; Id received the date of my sacrifice, but the beauty of the world stood out to me in that moment. There were other sunrises that had stuck with me, though. Sunsets too, and none of them in the same world. I remembered the radiant shade of orange that had lit the murky, polluted sky on some planet, signalling that a new day was starting, one that would be filled with promise and fortune. Green. A flash of deep green, more beautiful than anything else I had ever seen before, burst to the surface of my mind. I was on my knees, my hands scrambling in the dry earth around a small, resilient shoot. It had forced its way out of the cracked, drought-stricken dirt. The first crop of the summer. More would follow, and, for once, I would have enough to eat. I wouldnt need to rely on the cruel government or go begging in the streets. That had to be my favourite colour. It filled me with such hope. Id almost settled on that when another memory nudged at me. It was green again, but not natural. There was nothing natural on that neon-filled planet. The first sign, the oldest and brightest one of the entire street, was green. I could see it from a mile away and hear it from two. The thought brought a smile to my face as I recalled ambling down the artificially lit district, my favourite of the whole planet. It had the best dumplings and the cheapest beer, if you knew the right people. And I did. I knew them well. My stomach rumbled at the thought of those perfectly fried gyozas. Id just eaten in real life, but I would have given anything to have a dumpling right then. I couldnt choose a favourite colour, I realised slowly as I pushed even more memories aside. There was no way I could do it. Id seen so many things, too many beautiful things across my lives. How could I choose just one colour? My mind was too powerful. It was my imagination. Id created so many beautiful things with it, and that was the problem. But that didnt quite feel right for some reason. I was lying to myself, and I knew that. The worlds, the memories, werent just a figment of my imagination. They felt different. It was too hard to differentiate them from my normal memories because they were the same, in a way. I couldnt explain it to myself and couldnt quite bring myself to think about it too much, but I knew something wasnt right. Purple, I said, settling for the first colour that came to mind. It wasnt a lie, I tried to tell myself. In some worlds, it was the truth. The deep purple of a galaxy in the distance, several warps away. That was one of my favourite colours, especially when it glittered with faint specks of light, tiny planets teeming with life. That was a good enough answer. Katie grinned at me. Oh, I like purple! she said. Me too, Abbie agreed. I glanced at Seth, unable to stop myself. I wasnt sure why I was so worried about how hed react to me. Had I taken too long to answer the question? Did that make me seem stupid? It felt like Id answered it quickly but also taken too long. I wasnt sure. Seth smiled at me, the expression soft and gentle. Its one of my favourite colours too, he said. Relief washed through me, and I smiled. I wasnt sure if it actually was one of his favourite colours or if he was just being nice, but it made my stomach flutter. He was just so sweet, and that took me by surprise. I liked it, though. Obviously. I just wasnt used to it. Duncan was nice to me too, of course, but it still felt strange. Grace, its your turn to spin the bottle, Abbie prompted me, and I looked away from Seth quickly, my cheeks colouring. Oh yeah, I muttered. Forgot about that. I reached for the bottle quickly and spun it. The plastic was too tight, and my spin too hurried. It skittered across the floor, hitting Scotts knee and making him wince before coming to a stop. My face turned bright red as I stared at it. Ow, Scott said, rubbing his knee and narrowing his eyes at me. He was just teasing me, but I was filled with embarrassment. Id never done that before, and I didnt expect the bottle to bounce or be so out of control. Plastic bottles are hell, Katie said, shooting me a sympathetic yet understanding look. Are you okay? Yeah, it wasnt that bad, Scott replied. I smiled at him awkwardly. Good. Okay, Seth. Truth or dare? Seth deliberated for a couple of seconds, his eyes darting towards me before he made his decision. Ill go with truth, I think. I was a little bit disappointed by that. It didnt matter, though. I did want to know more about him. Everything, if possible. Hed told me a little bit about his life before he came to the Academy, but it wasnt enough. I couldnt think of a question to ask, though. There were too many. Abbie opened her mouth before closing it again, a conflicted look coming over her face that made Seth laugh gently. Go on. What are you thinking? he asked, making her jump slightly. Abbie looked startled. She looked at the rest of us before looking back at Seth. You dont need to answer it if you dont want to, she started. Okay Well you said that youve held a gun before, right? Seth chuckled again, doing his best to seem unbothered, but I saw the way his hand tightened around his can. He was worried about where Abbies line of questioning was going. Is that the truth, or do you have a follow-up? he asked. I have another question, she said hesitantly. Okay, well yeah. Ive held a gun before. There was another pause before Abbie spoke again. Did you fire it? I tried not to stare at him as I waited for him to answer her question. He seemed nervous, and I wasnt sure if he was going to say anything or if he would ask for a different truth. That would be understandable. It was a big question to ask someone. Yes, Seth admitted softly after a few seconds. It didnt hit anyone, though. I wasnt aiming. Oh, Abbie said, sounding a little surprised. Yeah, I felt like I should add that. People might assume the worst if I dont. I chewed my lip, wanting to say something. He looked so uncomfortable, and I was pretty sure I knew why hed fired the gun. It had to do with his dad. Hed told me that hed shot him before, that his dad had a bad temper. Seth was probably just trying to scare him so he wouldnt shoot him again. What happened? Katie asked, her expression empathetic. I thought you only asked one question in truth or dare, Seth said with a forced laugh. Yeah, sorry, Katie was quick to say. You dont need to answer that. You can just spin the bottle! Its fine. I was just messing, Seth said, reaching out and grabbing the bottle before speaking again. It happened just before I came here. My dads an asshole who hates his life, and he likes to take that out on others. I think it made him feel better, but it was rough. He was threatening me again, saying hed shoot me, but he messed up. Forgot where he left one of his guns. Seth shrugged and looked down. What happened? Abbie asked. He said I was too much of a wimp to fire it, so I did. Didnt aim it anywhere near him, just straight up. I didnt know what else to do, and then the doorbell rang, Seth laughed hollowly. I was sure it was the police coming to arrest me, but instead, I was brought here. I think my dad was pretty happy to see me gone. No one spoke for a little while, unsure what to say. I wanted to say something or reach out to Seth, but I didnt know how to help. He was still staring down at the bottle in his hands, his expression distant. I hated that he went through that. His dad seemed like a horrible person, and Seth was so nice. He deserved better than someone like him. My dad was happy to see me go too, Katie said softly. Oh, yeah? Seth asked, looking up at her unsurely. Yeah. He hated me, she said, unconsciously rubbing her bicep where the darkest bruise remained. He was very clear about that. I dont know how anyone could hate you, Scott said before looking at Seth quickly. Or you! It was a good save, and I couldnt help but smile as Seth chuckled slightly. Thanks, man, he said. And if it helps, my mom didnt like me. Not sure about my dad. He wasnt really there, Scott said with a shrug. They both sound like idiots, Katie said. What? Scott replied, sounding shocked. Your dad too, Seth. You two are both wonderful. If they didnt see it, theyre clearly stupid. Katies tone was so fierce that I found the need to tell her about my mom bubbling up within me. Instead, I squeezed my lips together, refusing to let even a sound out. Thanks, Seth said with a laugh that sounded a lot more genuine than before. Okay, shall I spin the bottle? 3.12 Normal, boring and plain. Truth or dare! I stared down at the bottle nervously. It was pointing directly at me, and I wasnt sure what to say. I wanted to choose both, really, but I knew I couldnt. I hadnt picked dare yet, though. Only Scott had. That had surprised me. I didnt expect him to choose it. He seemed happier to go along with whatever everyone else was doing, so I thought Katie would have to be the one to break that pattern. His cheeks were still flushed from the kiss, even though it had just been a quick peck on the lips. Katie had lingered for a little longer, not pulling away straight away, but I think Scott must have gotten self-conscious. I understood that. I probably would feel embarrassed kissing someone in front of other people. It wouldnt be too bad. Abbie, Katie and Scott seemed so kind and supportive, but I still would feel weird about it. I did want to kiss Seth, though. It was just scary to say it. Id hoped that the bottle would land on him and hed choose dare, but that hadnt happened. He hadnt had the chance to yet. The bottle had only landed on him twice the entire game, but it felt like it had been me and Katies turn about a million times. It was starting to frustrate me a bit. Id decided to just wait until Seth chose dare, but I couldnt. It might never happen, and that meant that Id have to do it. That thought scared me, but at the same time, I felt a rush of bravery and courage wash through me. Dare, I said, the word coming out much more confidently than Id expected as I watched Seth out of the corner of my eye. I wanted to see his reaction. I had to know if he was glad Id chosen it or if he was nervous. It was hard to tell, though. It seemed like a smile was pulling at his lips, but he might have just been smiling. It wasnt necessarily because I chose dare. Katie was grinning, though. She cocked her head to one side, pretending to be thinking deeply about what to dare me to do. Hmm she said, deliberating the choices even though I knew what she was going to say. I was pretty sure that everyone knew what she would say. It was just a charade. I appreciated it, though. Katie opened her mouth, appearing as though she had finally thought of a dare, but Abbie interrupted her before she could speak. I dare you to kiss Seth! she blurted out, causing the rest of my friends to laugh. My eyes darted towards Seth before I could stop them. He was definitely smiling. His cheeks were slightly pink, and I knew mine were burning too. I wasnt sure why he was blushing, though. He wasnt inexperienced like I was; that had come up earlier. One of the few times the bottle had landed on him, Katie had asked him about his history. Surely, a kiss was nothing to him. Hed made out with a handful of people. But maybe there was more to his reaction than that. Perhaps he wasnt really into me, and he was trying to work out how to tell me. That would have been embarrassing for him, maybe? Or maybe he was into me, and that was what was making him blush. I wasnt sure. He seemed it, but I wasnt sure if I was reading too much into the way he was acting. He could have just been really nice. It was hard to believe anything else. I wanted to, but I dont think I would have actually trusted that he had a crush on me unless he told me. Even then, I dont know that I would have truly believed it. Silence stretched over the room, and I forced an awkward laugh out. We dont have to, I said to Seth. Not if you dont want to. No, no, its fine. I dont mind! he said quickly, causing my heart to sink. I mean I want to. I hesitated. He didnt sound particularly convinced. If anything, it sounded like he was just trying not to hurt my feelings. Honestly, if you dont want to I started, but he interrupted me. I do, he said, smiling softly at me. I promise. My heart felt like it skipped a beat. I wasnt sure if it was Seths promise or maybe the gentle look on his face, but something caused butterflies to take flight in my stomach. I shuffled around awkwardly until I was facing Seth, copying the way that Katie and Scott had sat. Uncertainty pounded in my heart. I didnt know what to do. Id never kissed anyone before, not like that. Other versions of me had, but that was different. I hadnt actually been there when it was happening. It was just faint memories, nothing more. Seths gaze lingered on my lips before returning to my eyes, and I couldnt help leaning towards him. It felt like I was trapped in his gaze, slowly being pulled deeper and deeper underwater, but I didnt care. It didnt matter if I could breathe or whether Id be able to escape the inky depths of his eyes. My body jolted, and I was catapulted back into reality as the car came to a stop. Dizziness crashed into me, the sensation making me regret eating the entire cinnamon roll. I pressed my lips together, fighting against the nausea that threatened me. We were back at the house. My grandparents'' house. I didnt remember the journey home or even leaving the caf, but somehow, wed gotten back to my grandparents house. Nothing interesting must have happened on the way. I would have been able to recall that. Unclipping my seatbelt, I started reaching for the door handle before realising something wasnt right. I longed to disappear back into the other world where I was still staring deeply into Seths eyes, but I couldnt. I glanced back at my mom. She hadnt moved ever since we came to a stop. Is everything okay? I asked, feeling anxiety nibbling at me as I scanned the drive quickly. We were definitely in reality. I was almost certain of it. The driveway looked the same as it always did; it felt the same. Even so, I couldnt stop the quiet worry in the back of my head that told me something was very wrong. Maybe it wasnt really my mom. Perhaps shed been replaced by a robot or a doll or some other horrible thing. An image forced its way into my mind. My mother turned towards me, her eyes wide and unblinking. They werent her eyes. They were someone elses. No, not someone elses. Theyd been replaced, ripped out of her head, and cameras had been screwed into her eye sockets instead. Yes, of course, my mother said, pulling me out of my imagination. Why wouldnt it be? I glanced at her again before shrugging. There was no reason for me to point out that she was just sitting in the car and making no attempt to go into the house. It would just drag out the conversation, and I didnt want that to happen. I wanted to go back to the other world, to the place where I was about to have my first kiss. No reason, I replied, reaching for the door handle again, my attention already slipping away. What are you going to do this afternoon? she asked, pulling me back to reality as she flipped the sun visor down and stared at herself in the mirror. I felt my guard start to rise. She didnt ask me questions like that. Not unless she had a reason to do so. I could see her watching me out of the corner of her eye. She suspected that I was up to something. My mind started to race as I tried to work out the quickest way to end the conversation without her accusing me of something ridiculous so that I could get back to the other world before I missed what was about to happen. Time was moving so slowly there, but I couldnt risk leaving the world and letting myself answer her automatically. It wasnt that I didnt trust myself, but I just didnt know what Id say, and that could be dangerous. If I said something stupid without paying attention, it could ruin everything for me. I might blurt something out, say the wrong thing. If she found out about my fantasies, about my other worlds, I wouldnt be able to deal with it. Shed mock me endlessly. Id never live it down. Or would it be worse than that? Would she take me to a doctor or a psychiatrist? That would be horrible. I knew what I was doing wasnt normal, but the idea of someone else saying that, of having to explain it all to someone and then having them tell me that I was a freak, made my queasiness return. Which would be worse for my mom? She cared so much about how other people viewed her and me, by extension. She would hate for others to know what I was doing; I knew that. Would she just mock me and hope Id never mention my fantasies to anyone else to risk other people knowing that I was abnormal, or would she force me to speak to a doctor? Have them do something or medicate me until I couldnt disappear from reality ever again. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Im not sure. I was thinking about going for a run or maybe a swim, I said, trying to sound as unfazed as possible. I hadnt been for a run in a week or so, not since Id been shot in the other world, and Id hurt myself somehow in my normal world. I did want to go for a few more before we left. It was easier to go for runs when I was in Scotland. I felt less selfconscious and didnt need to worry about coming across people I knew like I was at home. My moms eyes narrowed slightly, and her gaze was fixed on me. A run might be a bad idea. I think its going to rain soon, she said, her tone pointed. I had no clue what she was trying to hint at, but I glanced out the window at the cloud-free sky. Agreeing would be the easier way to end the conversation and get back to Seth. Our lips hadnt met yet. I still had time. Yeah, good point, I said. Ill probably just go for a swim then. My mom smiled triumphantly and finally reached for the door. I didnt even hesitate before diving back into my other world. Seths face was so close to mine, his gaze flicking between my lips and my eyes. I swallowed nervously, my tongue darting out to wet my lips before panic gripped me. What if that was a mistake? It might have made my lips too wet, and that would be weird. But was it worse than my lips being too dry? They both felt wrong, but I didnt know what to do. What was the perfect level of moisture for my lips? I should have brought a lip balm or something. Maybe you shouldnt go for a swim either, my mom said as she retrieved a bag from the boot. I had no clue what was in it. I didnt remember stopping anywhere else or picking anything up, but it didnt matter. I barely paid attention to it as I fought the urge to return fully to reality, staying mostly in my fantasy as irritation flared within me. Why? I asked, my tone colder than it should have been. I was too annoyed by her constant interruptions. I just wanted her to stop talking to me and leave me alone, but instead, she was faffing and taking her time to walk across the drive towards the front door. It felt intentional, like she knew I didnt want to talk to her, and she was messing with me. You look like youve been losing weight recently, my mom said, her lip curling. Its in all the wrong areas. If youre not careful, youll have the body of a boy. Not that you had many curves to start with Her gaze flitted up and down my body, a smirk appearing on her face. I didnt care. I couldnt bring myself to be hurt by her words; I just wanted her to hurry up and open the door. Maybe Ill just read a book then, I said flatly as Katie giggled in my other world. My mom looked irritated. She wanted me to get upset or argue with her, and it wasnt happening. She didnt normally pick fights with me when we were in Scotland, but it did happen sometimes. Usually, it was when something annoyed her or if she had seen one of her old school friends and they were doing better than her. Youve been reading a lot lately, she said, the sentence coming out like an accusation. It seems like you always have your nose buried in your phone. Youll get a humpback if youre not careful. Mmm, I replied. My mom opened her mouth again, but the world around me changed. Seths lips met mine. They were warm and surprisingly soft. I hadnt expected that. I wasnt sure what I expected from him, though. We were doing it. I was having my first kiss! I wasnt sure what to do. I didnt want to move or pull away or anything else, but my mind was moving too quickly. How long was I meant to just stay there with my lips pressed against him? What was the normal length of time for a kiss? I really didnt know. Would it be weird if I pulled away first? I wasnt sure. Maybe. It might make Seth think that I wasnt enjoying the kiss or that I didnt actually want to be kissing him, and that wasnt true. But then, what was I meant to do? I could just wait until he started to pull away and then do the same? That was a better idea. He was more experienced than I was, so hed know what to do. I was overthinking it, and I knew it, but I couldnt stop. I needed to just turn my brain off and enjoy my first kiss. My first kiss with Seth. I couldnt, though. My thoughts were moving too quickly; they wouldnt stop. No matter how hard I tried, I couldnt stop thinking and worrying about the kiss and if I was doing something wrong. Seth started to pull away, and I quickly did the same, my cheeks burning as Katie let out a wolf whistle. It was hard to meet Seths gaze. I knew he was looking at me, but I was too worried about what Id see. What if he looked disgusted? What if I had been so bad at kissing, or my lips had been too wet or too dry, and he hated it? But I couldnt stay away. My eyes found Seths, and a smile rose on his lips. I felt mine pull upwards too. He didnt look grossed out. He looked almost shy. His gaze dropped to my lips, almost as if he wanted to kiss me again. Is that all youve been doing on there? my mom asked. What? I replied, only half returning to reality. I was vaguely aware that wed moved away from the car and were now standing in front of the front door. Mom had stopped digging around in her purse for her keys and was now looking at me again. Why had she even put her keys in her purse? I was the one carrying the bags, I realised slowly. There was no need for her to put them away in the short walk from the car to the door. Is that all? I heard Katie tease. Go on, kiss properly! My heart leapt, and I looked up at Seth, waiting to see his reaction. What else are you doing on your phone? my mom asked slowly, like she was speaking to a young child. Youre on it so often. I doubt youre just reading books. I fought to keep my face blank. She was going to demand to look through my phone if I wasnt careful, and I really didnt want that. My texts from Duncan were still on there. I knew I should have deleted them, but I didnt want to. I wanted to be able to read back over them, to analyse them and work out what he was trying to say to me. They made me smile; I didnt want to lose them. But there were more than just texts on my phone that I didnt want my mom to see. The language and study apps would be bad too. She wouldnt trust that I just wanted to learn; shed assume there was some other reason. I wasnt sure what she would think I was doing, but it would be bad. Shed probably accuse me of being on drugs again or demand me to take a pregnancy test or something else. It wouldnt be the first time. I wasnt sure how studying would be linked to that, but shed find a way to turn me wanting to do well in school into something terrible. Well, sometimes I text Phoebe too, I said, deciding that almost telling the truth would be better than just lying. Just Phoebe? she asked, her tone sharp. Yep. My mom shot me a doubting look before pulling her keys out of her purse. Faint dizziness gripped me as I blinked, and Seth appeared before me once more. He cocked an eyebrow at me, a slight smile still playing on his lips. He didnt move, though. He hadnt leant in even slightly. He was letting me decide what I wanted to do and if I wanted to kiss him again. I did want to, but at the same time, I was unsure. It felt scary, and I wanted to talk to him, to ask him what he wanted. He must have wanted me to kiss him too, right? Otherwise, he would have pulled back or said something. I swallowed, my gaze darting to his lips again. Before I could chicken out or change my mind, I leant forward. Not far, just enough that hed get the hint and maybe take the lead. Relief crashed into me as a smile appeared on his face. One of his hands cupped my cheek softly as he pressed his lips against mine again. It was different to our last kiss. Our lips werent still. His moved against mine, and my mouth opened ever so slightly. I waited anxiously, almost jumping when his tongue brushed against my lower lip. It was unexpected and felt kind of weird but nice. I let my lips open slightly wider, my tongue slipping out to copy the movement. Katie let out a whoop, and I pulled back, my face burning. Damn, you two! Katie cried. Do you want us to leave and give you guys some privacy? I lifted a hand to my flushed cheeks, a grin on my lips. Youre the one who told us to kiss again! I argued as the others laughed. Yeah, but I didnt think it would be quite so steamy! I laughed, peeking up at Seth. He was smiling too, despite his blush. I opened my mouth to say something to him before shutting it again. A creeping sensation was stretching across my arms. It was strange and prickling, but they looked fine. Nothing was touching me in that world. I pulled back, returning to reality and looking down as the sensation grew. The hair on my arms was standing on end. We were standing outside still. Mom was struggling to open the door. The lock was stuck; that happened sometimes. It wasnt that unusual, but for some reason, it just felt wrong. Something felt wrong. I couldnt work out what it was, though. Looking around again, I scanned our surroundings. Id had the same feeling a few times whilst wed been in Scotland. It felt like someone was watching me, but I couldnt see anyone, not even the gardener. It had been him the last time. I had felt eyes on me, and when I looked up, he was there. But the front yard was empty. There was no one around. This damn lock, my mother grunted, trying to force it open. I thought they had it fixed! Maybe they did. Perhaps my grandparents had the lock fixed before, but it was broken again. Or someone had broken it intentionally. How hard was it to mess with a lock and stop it from being able to open? Probably not that hard, right? It had been mentioned in my Academy training. One of the teachers had mentioned it was easy enough to jam them, especially if they were old. A shudder skittered down my spine, and I looked around again. I knew I was being ridiculous. My grandparents probably just hadnt had anyone come out to fix the door, but I couldnt help the paranoia that grew within me. The house was vulnerable, I realised as I glanced towards the gate. It was too far back from the road and hidden from view. There were a couple of cameras around the grounds, an ancient security system, but they were so obvious and barely worked. Plus, I wasnt sure anyone even looked at the footage. Someone could easily break into the house, and then what? It was too big. There were too many rooms. If someone got into the house, they could easily hide there for days. We didnt go into all of the rooms that often. In fact, there were some rooms I never went into. I wasnt allowed. Someone could hide in there, just waiting until we went to sleep, and then theyd strike. Aha! my mom cried as the door finally opened. Ill call Mom in a minute and let her know she needs to fire the locksmith and get a better one. I followed her into the house quickly, trying to force my ridiculous worries out of my head. I was being stupid, and I knew it, but I couldnt shake the feeling that I was being watched. Even as the door closed behind us, the sensation remained. I put the bags down carefully, trying to be subtle as I peered down the hallway. It looked the same as it had before wed left, but that didnt make me feel better. I wanted to search the house, checking every room, until I felt safe, but I couldnt. My mom would ask questions. Shed want to know what I was doing, and I couldnt explain. There was no reason for anyone to be following me or watching me, I tried to tell myself. I was just a normal girl. I wasnt the Grace from Mitchs world who was potentially wanted by the Sterlings. I wasnt a trainee spy, or a space pirate or anything else Id been in the other worlds. I was just me. Normal, boring and plain. There was no reason for anyone to want me. 3.13 The other worlds werent helping. I knew that I was smiling as I massaged the shampoo into my scalp. I couldnt really help it, though. I just felt too good. My body ached, it was tired, but I felt good. The swim had gone well. Id pushed myself harder than I planned to, and I was glad. It had been easy. Id been able to swim for longer and do more lengths whilst pushing myself, and that felt great. It had been a little while since Id swum properly. Id been taking it easier ever since I hurt my stomach, but it hadnt felt too bad to push myself again. The bruise still ached, of course. It was more of a dull throbbing ache, rather than a sharp pain, which was reassuring to me. Apart from that, I felt good. The rest of my body was fine, and that made me want to keep swimming more when I got home. I felt like I was getting stronger. Like I was gaining more stamina, and my muscles were getting used to being pushed. The thought brought a smile to my face. Maybe I could join the gym when I got home. That would be fun. I was starting to really like going in the other world, so I could go in my normal world too. It was making me feel strong, and that was a new sensation to me, but I liked it. My mom would judge me if I did that, though. She would definitely start paying more attention to my body again and tell me that I was beginning to look like a man. I could always just ignore that, maybe. It might not be too bad, and at least if I was going to the gym more, Id be getting out of the house rather than just hiding in my bedroom. That would be great. Faint dizziness started to pull at me, and I dove towards it without hesitation. Immediately, I felt warm and cosy. Rolling over, I pulled the duvet higher, feeling myself start to grin even before I opened my eyes. Happiness was already dancing within me. Id woken up in a good mood. In a great mood, actually. Part of that was because of the night before. It had been so fun, and now I had the entire weekend ahead of me. I could just relax, catch up on some reading and hang out with some people. It would be nice to go to the gym first, though. Katie and Abbie would probably want to go too, so we could go before breakfast. Then, we could go to the library. It felt like I was behind. I knew that I wasnt; Id gone to all of my classes, but it still felt that way. I think it was because there was just so much for me to learn. There were so many different subjects, so many things Id never even considered learning about before but now was expected to study. Theyd go over everything in class, of course, but that wasnt enough for me. I wasnt given a specialism. That was part of why I felt the need to study everything, and I knew it. I was going to have so much to learn, so I needed to start early and be prepared. I needed to be ready and make sure I was actually able to learn everything. If not, it wouldnt go well for me. Id disappoint Rodgers or Ms Brice. The thought of disappointing them made my stomach clench. I really didnt want to do that. It felt like Ms Brice had already risked so much by vouching for me. Shed championed my recruitment and was the reason that I was even at the Academy. I couldnt let her down. I refused to let myself do that. That wasnt the only reason, though. The desperate thirst for knowledge and information that had seeped into my reality was getting worse, and I wasnt sure why. The other worlds werent helping though, and I knew that. They held too much potential, and that made me impatient and greedy. It was hard to do things like wait around nowadays; Id noticed that. Why would I? The temptation constantly pulled at me. I could just go into another world or a fantasy where I didnt need to wait for some reason or where Id already done the thing I was waiting for. Or already learnt the thing I wanted to know. That could work. I could disappear into another world where I was great at maths! Then, I could just absorb all of the knowledge that I had there and take it back with me. That kind of happened sometimes. When I went into the other worlds, I generally came back with memories and knowledge that wasnt quite my own. Well, it was mine. I knew it, after all, but it wasnt originally mine. Or, it didnt come from my usual world; it didnt come from me, but from somewhere else. My smile started to sink. Where did it come from then? It had to come from somewhere, but where? A dull ache started to throb in the back of my head. I wasnt sure. Was it actual knowledge that I was acquiring? Or could it just be things Id learnt subconsciously and that my mind was making me think I was learning for the first time in my fantasies? Or could there be more to it than that? What I was doing felt like more than just using my imagination. It seemed more real than that, but I didnt know what else it could be. I was just a girl, a normal girl. I couldnt travel to other worlds or whatever else I was thinking. That was stupid. It was more than stupid; it sounded insane. Like a legitimate mental illness. Could it be that? I didnt really know. I didnt know much about mental health, not really. It wasnt exactly something they covered in school, apart from when they told us that sometimes people are just a bit sad or worried and that its normal. Id learnt more online about mental health than I ever had in school, but Id never heard of anything like what I was doing. Plus, I didnt think it seemed like it could be mental health-related. Other than my fantasies, I was fine. I mean, I was a bit anxious and worried, and I felt like someone was watching me basically all the time, but that wasnt too bad. It wasnt something I actually needed to talk to someone about. I just needed to stop thinking about it so much. But then, what were my fantasies? Could they actually be real? And, if they were, could I use that? It would make things so much easier for me. I wouldnt have to sit around studying things that I hated. I could just go to another place where I already knew it all and automatically learn it all. I wouldnt be doing so badly at maths any more. I could learn everything there was to know about it in a few minutes. I started to reach out, my mind finding a sharp dizziness, before I stopped myself. Concern started to build in my gut. If the other places I went to were real, if they were somehow other worlds or dimensions or whatever, were they all the same as my own? They werent. They couldnt be. It wouldnt make sense for them to be, but surely that meant I couldnt trust everything I learned in other worlds. What if I went to a place where a circle had three hundred degrees, not three hundred and sixty? Or if I went somewhere where the Earth didnt orbit the sun? Maybe there was another star. A bigger one, and thats what we rotated around. Or maybe there was a place where we didnt even breathe oxygen. Perhaps the entire composition of the atmosphere was entirely different. How would I know? I wouldnt. There would be no way for me to know what was the same in my world and what was different. I would just wander around assuming that I was right until I was told otherwise, and then what? Id need to study even more. Id have to go through absolutely everything Id ever learnt to determine how wrong I was. That would be worse. That would be so much worse than just learning things properly. I could do that. I could keep them separate in my head. That would work, right? I wasnt sure, but I was hopeful. I rolled onto my back, my mind returning to the present. I needed to work out what I wanted to study once we were finished in the gym. There had to be something universal, something that was the same in every world. I wracked my brain for a moment before the answer came to me. Observation. Surely, that was exactly the same everywhere. There were probably small differences, but the basics probably didnt change too much. And I needed to get better at it. I hadnt spotted the bags on the door in the kitchen the day before. They were probably really obvious, but I hadnt seen them. I hadnt even thought to look for them. We were going to start observation classes soon; Rodgers had mentioned that before. If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. It was a useful skill for everyone, not just field agents. Hed said that too. People, especially those who worked for the Academy, needed to see more than most. We needed to be able to spot when people were acting strangely or watching us, hed told us. A shudder slipped down my back, the sensation so strong that it almost forced me back into reality. Blindly, I reached out, turning the shower handle to make the water hotter. That was something I didnt want. It already felt like I was being watched pretty much all of the time. I didnt want that to get worse. Unless I was already becoming more observant. Maybe I was already starting to improve my skills and pay attention to my surroundings like Rodgers said. That would be good. Id be less likely to fail the class, which made me smile. But it would also mean that people were watching me. That it wasnt just a feeling but that there were people keeping an eye on me. They could have actually broken into the house. Someone could have jammed the lock or be hiding in one of the rooms at that very second. I would have no way of knowing. Dizziness rushed into me, and I felt myself lean back against the cold tile as everything went dark. I couldnt see much from the small space I was crammed into, but I blinked, trying to clear my vision. It didnt help, though. I couldnt see anything other than the faint outline of a window somewhere to my left. Light was creeping in around the curtains, but not enough to illuminate the room. My legs hurt. My knees ached, and my butt was numb. How long had I been sitting there, just waiting for the right time? And what even was the right time? Where was I? I couldnt remember. One thought raced around in my head. I had to get the document from the computer on the desk above me. Thats where I was. I was huddled under a desk in an office somewhere. In the barely used wing of someones house. As the recollections started to return to me, I realised the house looked a bit like my grandparents. It wasnt theirs. They didnt have an office, and the layout was completely different, but there were some similarities. Both families barely used some rooms. The house was too big. I had been hiding there for hours, and the closest anyone had come to me was when a servant had walked by. I hadnt expected that, but it had only happened the once. It was easy. The entire process had been easy. Just like it would be in real life, I realised as I pulled myself out of the world, trying not to think about what I was doing there too much. The dark flashes that had started to seep into my mind were enough to make me not want to return. Morning! Katie called to me, her tone chirpy. How did you sleep? I sat up, rubbing my eyes, before looking around the room. Abbie was still asleep, but Katie looked like shed been awake for a while. A textbook was balanced on her knees, and her glass of water was almost empty. Pretty well. How did you sleep? I replied. Slept okay! Last night was fun, wasnt it? she asked. I felt a blush start to stretch across my cheeks. Yeah, it was good. Katie giggled before glancing at Abbie, who hadnt even stirred. It was. Im excited to see the guys today, Katie said with a grin. Are you showering this morning? I tried not to think about Seth as I stretched, feeling my back click. I hadnt showered yesterday, so I could do with one. But then, I was going to go to the gym first thing, and Id need a shower after that. I did feel a bit grimy, though. I could always just shower twice. Yeah, I was going to. Do you want to use the bathroom first? No, no. I was just going to say you might want to go in now. Abbies alarm is going to go off in a few minutes, so shell want to use it soon, Katie told me, glancing at her clock. Oh, good point. Thanks! I said, throwing my duvet back and standing. No worries! I grabbed a towel from my wardrobe as I crossed the room towards the bathroom. My face still felt flushed as I shut the door behind me and let out a sigh. Memories of the night before pulled at me. They invaded my thoughts. I just couldnt stop myself from remembering how Seths lips had felt against mine, or the way hed cupped my cheek with his hand, or how his fingers had laced into my hair, pulling me closer to him as our kiss deepened. A shaky sigh slipped from my lips as I dropped the towel by the skin and started to get undressed, avoiding looking at my reflection. I already knew that I was blushing; I didnt need to see it. It would make me feel even more flustered. Just like how Seths smile made me feel. After he kissed me, after we kissed, his smile had been so sweet, so tender. That made me feel strange. I felt like I was floating when Id seen it. It made me just want to kiss him again and again. I was really glad we played spin the bottle. It had been scary and anxiety-provoking at first, but the kisses were worth it. I wanted to do it again. To kiss him again. But how? We probably wouldnt play spin the bottle again any time soon, so I needed to come up with a different way to make that happen. How? How did someone normally go about kissing someone? My mind was completely blank. I could remember seeing people kissing in real life and in my fantasies. It happened at parties all the time and at school less often, but I didnt know what started it. Id never paid attention to that part before. Does someone just walk up to a person they like and kiss them? That didnt feel right. How did they know the person was into them or wanted to kiss them? Surely, they couldnt know for certain, and even if they did, it would take a level of courage and bravery that I would never have. But then, what was I meant to do? I knew that I was overthinking it, but I couldnt stop my mind from racing as I started to search my memories. There had to be a world where Id kissed someone. Maybe I hadnt just walked up to them and started making out with them, but there had to be something. My mouth dropped open, and I froze as a memory crashed into me. That was exactly what I had done. Id somehow just marched up to someone, and that was it. I couldnt quite wrap my head around that. It felt so strange and shocking, and I found myself trying to work out what had happened before that, what had led to it. The recollection was foggy at first, but the more I thought about it, the clearer it became. It had taken me so long to find the right planet. Id travelled through so many portals, searched so many taverns, before finding the right place. That was all Neesa had told me. She was going to a tavern. I wasnt sure if it was a date or a meeting, maybe a bit of both, but the place had a wooden sign with a smiley face scratched into it out front. Why would she tell me that without thinking to tell me the name of the place? That would have made my life so much easier. She could have just said, Hey Grace, Im going to the Stinking Merfox tonight to meet up with some seedy guy and throw my life away, and I would have known. No. She had to say it was some place in our district with a damn wooden sign and no more details than that. Did she not know how many taverns there were with wooden signs? Because I did. I learnt it that night. There were twelve in the main district and seventeen in the wider district that still technically counted. Twenty-nine damn taverns that I had to sift through. Three, I was able to cross off immediately. They werent Neesas scene. None of them were, but three were obviously not. The rest I had to actually go to. And, of course, she was in the last one. The one that was the furthest away. Id been to twenty-six taverns before I finally spotted that familiar dark hair and shrewd violet eyes that filled me with anger, irritation and something else that I couldnt quite place. My heart pounded as I stalked across the sticky floor towards the couple sitting in the back corner. I was so nervous. My hands were shaking, and my knees felt weak, but the moment those eyes found mine, I knew that Id made the right decision. I couldnt just let her go. It didnt matter that we were just friends. No. We werent friends; we were rivals. Neesa infuriated me. But that didnt matter anymore. In fact, I needed it. I needed Neesa to be there with me. I had to have someone to fight against, to push me to be better. I needed someone to drag me onward when I was prepared to settle for less than I deserved. And that was what I was doing. Neesa was about to make that mistake. Shed given up and was about to accept less than she should have. She was leaving. Dropping out of the university, and for what? To work in a crappy cargo ship that could barely get through a portal without having to call for emergency assistance? That was the life she had decided on? Why? It didnt make sense to me. She had just a few years left of school. Three more years of university. That was manageable. Shed gotten this far, after all. Why would she give up when she was so close? After graduation, shed be able to work anywhere. She could do anything, and she wouldnt have to work with some slimy lowlife who was sneaking glances down her top. Thats what I was going to tell her. Thats why I flew to twenty-six taverns. I was going to shout some sense into her and then drag her back to campus. Id lock her in her room until she stopped being so stupid if I had to. But that all changed the moment I saw her. My mind emptied, and the words died in my throat. Grace? What in the hells are you doing here? My name was like a prayer from her mouth. It was so soft, so beautiful. I didnt think. I just crashed into her, my lips finding hers immediately. Neesa froze, her body turning rigid from shock before she melted against me, kissing me back with such passion, such fervour, that I almost pulled back. I jolted out of the fantasy, my heart fluttering and my chest flushed. An echo of pain touched my lips. They felt almost swollen from kissing, like they had been after the first night Id spent with Neesa. The first night of many. I couldnt do that, though. There was no way I could walk up to Seth and kiss him like that. No matter how much I wanted to. 3.14 None of it made any sense. I turned the temperature knob, making the water icy, but my face was still burning. The memory of Neesas lips on mine was too much for me to handle. I couldnt push it away easily, no matter how hard I tried. It felt wrong. Thinking about it made me feel guilty, but at the same time, I want to remember it. It made me smile and warmth burn in my stomach as I recalled how much I loved Neesa. But it was wrong. I wasnt sure why it felt so incorrect, but it did. I shouldnt have been thinking or fantasising about kissing someone who wasnt even Duncan or Seth. Especially not with my mom in the next room. Or downstairs, or wherever she was. It just felt wrong. She was too close to me, and if there was some way she could hear my thoughts, which I knew was impossible, it would be a nightmare for me. She couldnt. I knew that. People couldnt listen in to others thoughts, but fear still gripped me and made my face flush even darker as embarrassment washed away all of the wonderful feelings Id had before. If there was some way that my mom could do it, if she could listen in on what I was thinking about, I wasnt even sure what would happen. Id been thinking, fantasising about kissing someone. And not just someone, a girl. A woman? I wasnt sure how old we both were in that world, but they were definitely feminine. Mom wouldnt like that. She would react horribly. She had weird views on sexuality, which shed made clear many times. Of course, she never actually said it. She very loudly explained that she had plenty of gay friends and that there was even a girl in her school who once tried to kiss her. She always laughed like it was hilarious, and I once made the mistake of asking why it was so funny to her. She didnt react well. Shed gotten annoyed at me, said that there was nothing wrong with it, just that she wasnt a lesbian, so that was funny. She was flattered, really, but didnt understand why anyone would think she was one. Id spoken without thinking and said that it sounded like a mistake, nothing more, and that it wasnt really funny. It was kind of just something that happened. That had irritated her even more somehow, but I hadnt listened to the rest of her rambling. There was no real point in arguing with her. She wouldnt change her mind. She never did, and that was part of why I was feeling so anxious. If she did somehow know that I was thinking about kissing a girl, she would ask me about it. How could I explain to her that it was another world? A place where Id kissed and was in love with a girl? Shed immediately assume that I was a lesbian, and Id need to explain. But that would be difficult too. I wasnt quite sure what Id say because I didnt know how I felt. Id not really thought about it that much. Not enough to come to a conclusion, at least, and that felt wrong. Maybe not wrong, but weird. From what Id seen online and on television, people seemed to just know how they felt. They knew whether they liked guys or girls or both, but I didnt. Maybe it was just that Id never really thought that much about it because every time I started to, I ended up going in circles and getting confused, or maybe there was something more to it. It was difficult to think about. I didnt really have crushes on people, not very often at least, so maybe that was part of the issue. I mostly just tried to work out who Id want to marry one day, but that also sent me spiralling. I couldnt imagine being married. Was that normal? The thought of it made me feel so uncomfortable. Id have to find someone I liked, someone who I was comfortable around and liked spending time with, and then Id just spend the rest of my life with them. Was that something I could do? I truly wasnt sure. And what if they turned out to be horrible? Maybe theyd keep up a facade, hide who they were until we got married, and then theyd turn, and Id be miserable and trapped. That probably happened with my parents. I assumed it did. Mom was good at putting on a mask and pretending to be someone she wasnt. Someone nicer. Maybe Dad fell for that. It would make sense. He might have been enticed by the person she pretended to be, and then when that mask fell away, it was too late. Or maybe he still saw it. Perhaps he just held onto the hope that shed go back to that person, and then they could both be happy. Maybe it would happen once I moved out. If I wasnt there to upset and annoy her, she might be happier. Then, shed be nicer to Dad. They could both be happy. That would be good. Or maybe thats what he was waiting for. Perhaps he didnt want to divorce her because he knew that me being there got to her, and he was just waiting until I went to university to see how she reacted. Then, maybe hell divorce her. Immediately, guilt shot through me, and I batted away the dizziness that tugged at me. I shouldnt be thinking about things like that. I knew that. It felt wrong. Bitter. Cruel, even. It was a mean thought. I wanted my dad to be happy so much, my mom too, but it was still wrong. I shook my head, trying to push the thoughts aside, before turning the shower off. Id been standing under the cold water for so long that my skin was starting to wrinkle, and goosebumps stretched across my arms. The shower door creaked loudly as I opened it and stepped out, reaching for my towel and wrapping it around my body before reaching for my phone. Water dripped onto the screen, and I wiped it away quickly, drying my hands before lifting it again. Phoebe had texted me whilst I was in the shower. A smile came to my face as I read the message. She was getting bored of being in Paris. She almost liked the wine now, and she liked hanging out with her older and much cooler cousins, but she wanted to come home. She said she missed me, which made me happy, but also she missed television. That was the main issue, apparently. She had basically every single streaming service available, but they didnt have the same shows as over here. I didnt know that was a thing, but she was furious about it. The show she usually watched as she fell asleep wasnt on any of them. Shed found some episodes on YouTube, but not all of them. And that had its own problems. Id received a four-minute long voice message from her about it a couple of days ago, and it had made me laugh so hard I was pretty sure Id woken my mom up. Apparently, Phoebe had fallen asleep watching her usual show but had been woken up many times by adverts. And, in the morning, shed somehow found herself watching some video about a guy who rescued a lobster from a shop or something. Phoebe insisted that it was really soothing and sweet to watch, but I couldnt imagine that. It wasnt the kind of thing I liked watching. Phoebe loved it, though. She was obsessed, and I wasnt particularly surprised. She probably wanted to try to rescue one too now. Shed do it, too. I wasnt sure if they actually sold lobsters in England, though. Id never seen one in the supermarket, but I might have just not been paying attention, which would have made sense. Plus, I didnt exactly go to the fish counter often. I didnt each fish, after all, but Id find out the next time I went to Phoebes house. If there was a lobster in her bathtub, Id know for sure. I grinned to myself as I wiped the moisture off my phone and put it down again before starting to towel myself off, and a sigh of irritation slipped out of my lips. I hadnt brought a change of clothes into the bathroom. Id been too distracted and eager to wash the chlorine off of my skin and hair that I hadnt even thought to. It was annoying me too much. I could feel the chemical clinging to my skin and drying it out, and I just wanted to get rid of it. I should have brought my moisturiser in before the shower. My skin needed it desperately, and I didnt want to have to wait until I was in my room to use it. Not that it was far. A few steps at most, but that still annoyed me. And it meant I was risking my mom seeing me in a towel. I really didnt want that to happen. Shed already seen me in a swimming costume, which was pretty bad, and I knew that the towel probably covered more of me, but I just wanted to avoid it. Any time that happened, any time she saw more of me than usual, she had something to say about it. She did regardless, but it was worse when she saw me in less clothes. And she was already in a weird mood. Shed questioned me in the car, so shed probably be even more cutting than usual if she did see me in a towel. I hated the feel of her eyes on me. It was the scrutinising and critiquing gaze. Thats what made me so uncomfortable. And the comments. There was always something, always a comment about how I needed to do better. I either needed to work out more or less, eat more or less or just be prettier. It used to upset me. I used to hurry into my room afterwards and stare at my reflection, seeing the exact things, the exact problems that my mom had pointed out and hated them. I didnt really feel that way. Not anymore. It was easier to ignore her, easier to ignore the snide voice in the back of my head that sounded just like her. I had a realisation last year, and that helped. I couldnt do anything to make my mom stop picking faults with my body. Even if I did exactly as she said, even if I did stop eating or work out more, she still wasnt happy. She just found something else to complain about. Royal Road is the home of this novel. Visit there to read the original and support the author. My eyes darted towards the door. I needed to leave the bathroom. Id been standing there, dripping onto the bathmat, for too long. I had to just walk across the hall to my room and close the door. The chances of my mom seeing me were so low, and it would be fine. The reassurance almost made me feel better. At least, it made it easier for me to pick my swimming costume up from the pile Id left it in and hang it in the shower to dry. I wiped my hand again before grabbing my phone and looking around the bathroom. Id not brought anything else in, just a hair tie, but that could stay on the windowsill where Id left it for now. It was still wet too; it needed to dry out. I had everything else I needed. There was no reason for me not to just leave the bathroom. Another sigh slipped out of my lips, and I started to reach for the door handle. I hesitated for just a second to listen before pulling the door open. Being careful not to move too quickly because I knew that would make my mom think I was hiding something, I walked across the hall and into my room. I shut the door softly behind me, straining my ears to pick up any sound, any trace of footsteps or anything. But there was nothing. Relief crashed into me as I slumped back against the door. She hadnt heard me. She wasnt going to march into my room and start insulting me or picking faults. The hairs on my arm stood on end, sending a strange prickling sensation through me as I looked around. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong. My room was different. Everything had been moved. My heart thumped in my chest, and my knees felt weak as I stood pressed against the door, surveying my things. All of my clothes, all of my stuff, was out of place. My suitcase on the floor was still open, but the clothes had been riffled through and dumped back in. The duvet was thrown back, and even the bedside table drawers had clearly been opened. Theyd been left ajar, and I was sure I hadnt done that. I never used them. They still had my uncles stuff in. Someone had been in my room. Theyd searched through it. But why? What could they possibly have been looking for? And when? Id gone up to my room when we first got back. Id gotten changed into my swimming costume, and it had looked normal then. Nothing had been out of place, so that meant it had happened in the couple of hours since then. And that meant I was right. Before, when Id worried that someone had broken into the house and was hiding in there, Id been correct. They must have been. Otherwise, they would have searched my room before wed gotten back from lunch. But why? Why did they search my room, and what were they looking for? It made no sense. None of it made any sense. I was just a regular kid. There was nothing I had that was worth stealing. My mom and grandparents were normal people. What could the people who broke in have been looking for? Unless they were just regular criminals. They could have just been looking for anything valuable. But that couldnt be true. My grandparents had so much artwork that must have been worth more than anything I kept in my room. It lined the halls. Surely, they would have just taken that rather than going to the effort of looking through my room. Unless they werent regular criminals. Unless they were looking for something specific. Something of mine. My eyes scanned my room, searching for anything that was missing. Id brought my phone with me to the pool, so they couldnt have been looking for that. There must have been something else, but I didnt have anything. As far as I could tell, nothing was gone, apart from My hairbrush. I stepped forward slightly, my gaze fixed on the empty spot where I was certain I had left my hairbrush. It was there before. Id used it before going swimming; I knew that I had. But it wasnt there anymore. I glanced at my window before moving forward and holding my breath. Nudging some of my clothes out of the way with my toe, I checked to make sure it wasnt just hidden by something. Something could have been thrown on top of it. But it wasnt there. Someone had stolen my hairbrush. Why? Why would someone take my hairbrush? There wasnt exactly anything they could do with it, could they? Panic fluttered in my chest as my mind raced. Maybe there was something they could do with my hairbrush. Id not watched enough true crime or been at the Academy for long enough to know for sure, but could someone get my DNA from my hair? That was a thing, wasnt it? I wasnt sure, but the idea made me uncomfortable. If they could, what would they do with it? What could they do with it? Did that even matter? If they couldnt extract my DNA, they could still use my hair. They could scatter them around a crime scene or something. They could frame me, and how could I explain that it wasnt me? Id try. Id tell the police that I had nothing to do with it, that I didnt commit the crime, but it might not work. If my hair had been found there, would that be enough evidence that I was guilty? I wasnt sure. I didnt know how it worked. I needed to ask someone. Rodgers. Hed know. Hed be able to help me. But I couldnt. Id need to explain to him why I wanted to know and how was I meant to do that? I couldnt exactly say that in another world, I was potentially about to be framed for a crime. Hed think Id lost my mind. But I couldnt just do nothing. I couldnt just stand there and wait around for the police to arrest me. I needed to speak to them first. I needed to tell them that someone had broken into the house and stolen my hairbrush. But would that look more suspicious? What if nothing else was stolen, just my hairbrush? They might not believe me. They might think that I was lying, telling them it was stolen to establish a cover or an alibi or something. That would be worse. That would be so much worse. Plus, theyd want to know why someone would break into the house and ignore all of the valuable art and everything else that my grandparents had and just take my hairbrush. Unless they had taken other things too. I wasnt sure. Wed need to search the house, check to see if anything else was missing. But still, Id need to explain why anyone would want to take my stuff, and I couldnt think of a reason. Maybe it was something stupid, like Id accidentally angered someone without noticing. I could have bumped into them in the shop or not smiled back at them or something. They seemed so small, so impossible, but Id heard stories of people being attacked for that. I couldnt remember doing that, though. I didnt remember making anyone angry, but I might have been in another world when it happened. Maybe I didnt even notice. Ice slipped down my spine. Maybe that was it. Perhaps it was someone from another world. Could the Sterlings have followed me over from Mitchs world? They were powerful and rich; it might be possible. If Mitch was still alive, and wed managed to get away from them, they might not be able to find us there. Perhaps coming to my reality was easier. But then, what could I do? I couldnt exactly run from them. If it was them, they knew where I was. They knew where my grandparents lived. I couldnt run. Id have nowhere to go anyway and nothing to run with. Id need to tell my mom. Id have to explain to her that people from another world were hunting me down, and we needed to run immediately. No. It wasnt that. I was just being stupid. I was panicking and spiralling. It wasnt the Sterlings. They couldnt follow me from another world. How could they? They didnt even exist. I needed to be smarter, more logical. I took a deep breath, looking around again. The security cameras. They might have caught something. They were terrible and old, but they still might have recorded something. Then, I could call the police. Id talk to my mom first, I decided. Once I checked to see if the cameras had picked anything up, I could talk to my mom. I started to turn towards the door before freezing. I was still in a towel. I needed to get changed out of that before going downstairs, I realised. If I did need to call the police, I couldnt exactly be just wearing my towel. Theyd think Id lost my mind. My mom would too. Shed be so embarrassed of me if I did that. My hand tightened on my towel as fear rose even higher within me. The thought of getting changed was terrifying. Id need to strip, to be naked and vulnerable for a little bit, and that scared me. My eyes darted toward the wardrobe. What if there was still someone in my room? Id not checked. I hadnt thought to search it, so there could be. I had to check. I slipped my phone into the hand that clutched my towel to me, freeing my right hand. It was stronger. If I needed to fight, I wanted to be able to use it. Padding across the room, I barely breathed. I didnt want to make any noise. If there was someone hiding in the wardrobe, I needed the element of surprise. They couldnt see me coming until it was too late. I threw the door open, my body tensed and prepared to fight. But there was no one there. The wardrobe was mostly empty. There were just a couple of my dresses and some of my uncles clothes from childhood. But that didnt make me feel much better. There were a few other places where people could hide. Shutting the door and turning again, I glanced out the window. There was no one on the roof outside. That was good, but it still left my bed. There could be someone waiting under my bed, a knife in hand. I almost wanted to cry as I slowly bent down, making sure to not be too close. If they were there, I needed to stay out of attack range. Relief crashed into me as the empty space under the bed came into view. There was no one in my room. I could get changed. I stood quickly, grabbing clothes almost at random before pulling them on and moving towards the door. The handle slipped in my grasp, my sweaty hands making it hard to grip. I wiped them on my leggings before slipping my phone into my pocket and grabbing the handle again. Slowly, I twisted it, moving as slowly as possible. Even so, a faint squeak sounded. I winced, freezing again as I strained my ears. No other noise came. Either no one had heard me, or they were gone. My breathing was shallow as I started to twist the handle again and carefully pulled the door open. The house was silent. There was no noise. No hushed footsteps or muffled voices. Nothing apart from the thudding beat of my heart in my ears as I peered out into the hall. Taking a deep breath to steel myself, I stepped out of my room and started to move as quietly as possible towards the stairs. Suddenly, movement came from behind me. I whirled around, ready to fight, but the hall was empty. The noise was coming from my moms room. 3.15 Everything was fine. I stared at the door to my moms room, anxiety thrumming within me. There was someone in her room. That was the only explanation. Noise had come from there, so there had to be someone in there. She could have left the window open, though. Maybe a bird had gotten in or something. Or maybe it was my mom. Maybe she was in her room, and that was the noise I had heard. That would have made sense, but she wasnt normally in her room at that time. She was usually downstairs in the lounge or kitchen. There was no reason for her not to be there, which meant it was probably someone else. Maybe theyd been in my room, searching it, and then they heard me finishing in the shower. They panicked, knowing that Id go into my room afterwards, so they ran for the nearest other room. They were probably hoping that it was an empty room, one that was barely used, and then they could hide in there until we fell asleep, and theyd be able to escape. Or attack. But it wasnt. My mom used that room. She slept in there. They wouldnt be able to hide in there uninterrupted; shed go in at some point in the evening. If she wasnt already in there. Panic shot through me. What if she was in there the whole time? What if my mom had been relaxing in her room, not paying attention to anything, and then someone rushed in and attacked her? I didnt want that. She wasnt the best mom in the world. I knew that, but I didnt want her to get hurt. It might be too late. That thought made me take a step towards the door before stopping again. I was being stupid, being foolish, and I was aware, but I couldnt stop myself. I couldnt still my racing and panic-filled mind. I needed to check on my mom. I had to know that she was okay. But what if the person who broke into the house was in there with her? What if they had a weapon, and they were holding her hostage? Then what? They might have a gun. They werent legal in England, not easy to get a hold of, but Hannah had said it was possible. Shed told us about it in class. If someone knew where to look, if they knew the right people, they could source anything they wanted. I tried to push that panicked thought aside. It probably wasnt that. It was most likely just my mom, nothing more, but she might have heard something. She could have heard whoever had been in my room. Then, we could go downstairs together and check the cameras. That would be better. Staying together felt safer. But if she didnt hear anything, Id need to convince her to believe me. That might be hard. Shed doubt me immediately; she always did, but she might still go along with it. Shed either mock me, accuse me of being stupid or something for losing my hairbrush, or shed want to call the police. Shed enjoy the attention shed get from it. The sympathy everyone would give her for having someone break into the house whilst she was there. Shed play it up, show everyone how strong she was being and endlessly talk about it. That would work. If my mom refused to let me call the police, I could use that. I could try to subtly hint to my mom that everyone would be so worried about her when they heard about what happened, and that could make her want to call them. But that was assuming that my mom was okay, and she might not be. If she had heard noises, if shed heard someone searching my room, she would have come out. She would have assumed that it was me and wanted to know what I was doing or trying to hide, and that wouldnt have gone well. They would have attacked her. I started to pad towards my moms door again, keeping my steps as quiet as possible. The soft noise of my bare feet against the floor was drowned out by my heart pounding in my ears. I wished it would stop or be quieter. It was making it so much harder for me to hear anything else. Holding my breath, I strained my ears to pick up anything, any hint or clue as to what was happening in my moms room. It felt wrong to be listening in, but I had to know. I had to know if it was just her or if someone else was in there with her. Or without her. There was nothing, though. I couldnt hear anything. My arm stretched out, reaching for the door handle before stopping. I knew that, if there was someone in there, the best thing to do would be to throw the door open. Id have the element of surprise, and I could work out what was going on and attack before they could recover, but at the same time, if it was just my mom A shiver slipped through me. If my mom was in the room, and she hadnt heard anything and wasnt being held hostage, she would be furious at me. More than furious. It wasnt that I was scared of her or anything. I knew she probably wasnt going to hurt me or anything, but I didnt like it when she was angry. It happened a lot, and I hated it. I wouldnt be able to hide from it either. Normally, I did, but I wouldnt be able to if I threw the door open. That meant I needed to be smart about it. I had to knock, so I needed to be more prepared for what was going to happen. More prepared than anyone on the other side of the door would expect. I had to be ready for the fight. It was a horrible plan, and I knew it. Part of me was hoping that my mom would be in there and that everything would be fine, but if it wasnt, I knew I was most likely not going to do well. That was fine, though. It was better than the alternative of throwing the door open without warning and my mom being angry. Then, shed never let me call the police. She wouldnt believe me about my hairbrush or someone breaking in, and shed probably make me do another drug test. Glancing over my shoulder and scanning the hall to make sure no one was trying to sneak up on me, I took another deep breath before slipping my phone into my pocket. I hadnt intentionally grabbed the single pair of leggings that I owned with pockets, but I was glad I was wearing them. It meant I could have both hands free, just in case. Panic flared within me again. I might have to fight, I realised. I wasnt a particularly good fighter, not in my usual world, at least. I assumed, anyway. Id never been in a fight there, not since having a few karate lessons when I was younger. No one had ever tried to fight me properly, and there was no way Id pick one with anyone. But maybe my experience in the other worlds would help. In my other world, the spy world, Id not had many lessons, but Id done more hand-to-hand combat training. But it wasnt just that world that Id been taught in. There were others too. Like Mitchs world. I vaguely remembered learning some stuff there. Hed walked me through some of the basics. So had Oscar. I wasn''t sure when that had happened, but it had. Hope shot through me, the feeling so strong that it drowned out my panic for just a moment. I was pretty sure it hadnt happened when we were in Crete, which meant that it had happened since, and that had to mean that Mitch was okay. That he wasnt dying, and we were just hiding out somewhere until the trouble blew over and the Sterlings stopped looking for them quite so much. Unless it didnt. Maybe those memories had come from another version of Mitchs world. Id been to another world with him before, after all. The first one Id gone to briefly was different. Hed been older there. Id been with him for longer. Maybe thats what I was remembering. My experiences with him in that world. Longing gripped me. I could go here. I could go to that other world with him where he was most likely alive, and I could see him again. That would be good. I wouldnt need to think about the fact that Id gotten him shot. I could just see him again. My heart ached. I wanted to do that so badly that it physically hurt, but I knew I couldnt. It wouldnt be the same. I knew that. That Mitch wasnt my Mitch. Well, he was, but not really. One version of me knew him, but not me. The thought simultaneously made sense and confused me. It was him but not him, just like it was me but not really me. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. Seeing that Mitch would just make me feel more guilty about what happened to mine, and I wouldnt be able to cope. But then I knew there was a simple solution to it. I could just go back to my world with Mitch and see him again. Maybe that was where my memories were coming from, and hed recovered completely and didnt hate me at all. Anxiety and dread settled like a rock in my stomach, making me nauseous. If I was wrong, if I went back there, and he wasnt okay, I couldnt do it. I couldnt live with the knowledge that Id killed one of the only people to actually care about me and want to spend time with me. Uncertainty was better. It had to be better. I sucked in another deep breath, squeezed my hands into fists to stop them from shaking and to prepare myself, before knocking on the door with my left hand. I needed to keep my right hand free in case someone else pulled the door open and tried to attack me. It was the better hand. It could punch harder. The noise was too loud and jarring in the otherwise silent house, but I listened carefully, waiting to hear if any movement came from the other side of the door. My body was tense, prepared for the inevitable attack, but none came. Come in, my moms voice called after a few seconds. It sounded normal. She didnt sound scared or like she was being forced to call out to me. That had to be a good thing. It had to mean that she was alone in her room. Even so, my palms were sweaty as I reached for the door handle and opened the door. My eyes scanned the room, still expecting to see my mom tied up or beaten, but I didnt. She was sitting on her bed, leaning back against the headboard with a book in her hands. She didnt even look up at me. Trying to be surreptitious, I looked around the room again, searching for signs that something was amiss. I felt my eyebrows pull together as my gaze landed on the vanity, and confusion washed over me. There, sitting on the top next to my moms, was my hairbrush. It was easy to spot, the colour bright and eye-catching. No one had broken into the house and searched my room. It was just my mom. Relief slammed into me so strongly that I slumped back against the door frame, my knees weak. I almost couldnt believe it. All that panic, all that fear, and it had just been my mom the whole time. She was the one who took my hairbrush. That made sense. She was probably just looking for an excuse to search my room, not that she used one normally. Shed questioned me in the car. Shed bombarded me with questions, and Id thought that she was satisfied with my answers, but obviously, she wasnt. She probably waited until I got into the pool and then ripped my room apart looking for I wasnt sure exactly, but I knew that she couldnt have found anything. I didnt have anything to hide. Not in that world anyway, and she couldn''t go to my other worlds, so I was safe. Yes? Mom said finally, glancing up at me expectantly. I need my hairbrush, I replied. She looked down at her book again. Its on the vanity. That was all she said. There was no apology, no explanation or anything. Not that I expected one. Not really. She never apologised to me for anything, but she should have. I knew that. It was wrong for her not to. If I borrowed anything of hers without asking or didnt put it back afterwards, shed expect an apology. Even with one, shed still be annoyed. For a moment, I wanted to argue. I longed to act just like my mom and demand an apology. To tell her not to borrow my things and that she was rude. Id been so anxious, so scared, and Mom didnt even care. She didnt even bother to look at me. How could she be so thoughtless and ignorant? Was it even ignorance? I wasnt sure. I think she knew how I felt, how she made me feel. It was more that she didnt care. If she did, she would have apologised or said something, anything. But she didnt. Are you done with it? I asked, my tone betraying how irritated I was and coming out blunt. I need it. I saw her eyebrows shoot up. She was probably as surprised by my tone as I was. I normally hid my anger and irritation from her, scared of how shed react, but I didnt care as much anymore. In fact, I kind of wanted her to know. Yes. You can take it, she said, turning the page of her book. Great, I muttered as anger flared even hotter inside me. I stalked across the room towards the vanity. I couldnt work out why I was so annoyed by her behaviour. It wasnt any different from how she normally treated me, but it was getting under my skin more than usual. You shouldnt brush your hair when its wet, my mom said, and I glanced at her reflection in the mirror. She wasn''t looking up at me, but there was a slight smile playing on the corner of her lips. Its already so fine and damaged. Itll break easily, and then youll have even more flyaways. My hand closed around the plastic handle, and I let out a slow breath, trying to ignore the irritation. It wasnt helping, though. It did nothing to get rid of the painfully strong urge that had gripped me. I longed to throw the hairbrush at her. I knew that violence was never the answer, but it was so tempting. It probably wouldn''t have hit her, I tried to tell myself. I didnt have that good aim, and the room was big. It would most likely land on the bed or something, and then shed be angry at me for trying to hit her. But if it did that would be worse. Id probably feel better, just for a moment, and then it would all get worse. Dizziness, sharp and angry, nipped at me, and I let it take me. The room span slightly, settling quickly, as I stared down at the hairbrush in my hand. It wasnt orange, not anymore. It was blue. I was in a different world. A different place where my mom still treated me horribly. I could see her. I could see her reflection in the mirror. She wasn''t just smiling slightly there; she was fully smirking. The smugness, the joy she was gaining from seeing how much she was infuriating me, made it so much worse, and I couldnt take it. In one fluid motion, I lifted the brush, whirled around and hurled it into the air. My mom didnt even have the chance to react. She didnt have time to move out of the way or lift her hands to protect her face before the solid plastic slammed into her forehead. The thud seemed to echo around the room. I froze. Coldness washed over me as blood drained from my face. What did I just do? I couldnt quite believe my eyes. I didnt feel anything. There was no satisfaction or joy. Just numb nothingness as I looked at my mom. She hadnt moved. She hadnt reacted at all. She just stared at me, her expression shocked, as the red mark on her face started to form. I pulled myself out of that world so quickly that I stumbled, pulling the door shut behind me harder than I intended. My heart was racing, and I lifted one hand to my chest, feeling the beat even through my skin. I stared down at the other hand, my eyes fixed on the orange hairbrush that I was clutching so hard it hurt. I didnt throw it. Not in that world, at least. Id just thought about it. The realisation filled me with such relief that I felt nauseous. I was so unbelievably glad. If I had, if Id actually done that in real life, not just a fantasy, I wasnt sure what would happen. It felt like everything would change, though. My mom would treat me differently. She would be even more suspicious of me, even more demanding. Shed guilt me constantly too. Even more than she already did. Phantom pain flared within me, the touch of a hand on my face. That would happen too. She barely hit me in real life, but it might start if I did it first. A shudder slipped down my back. It was fine, I tried to reassure myself. It was just a fantasy. It wasnt real, and it didnt happen. I was okay. I didnt need to ever go back into that world. I could just stay away from it, like so many of the other worlds I never wanted to return to. That would be fine. I closed my bedroom door behind me and crossed the room quickly, falling onto my bed. I was shaking. I hadnt noticed it before, but a tremble was going through me. And I was freezing. My hair was wet against my back, but it didnt matter. I couldnt bring myself to move or do anything about it. All I could do was lie there, cold and shivering, silently whispering reassurances to myself. Nothing had happened. I hadnt thrown anything at my mom. The house hadnt been broken into. No one was watching me or following me, and I was fine. Everything was fine. I was just a normal person. An ordinary girl that hardly anyone knew or thought about too much, and that was a good thing. I needed that. I needed to be normal in one of my worlds, in my reality at least. That was the safest way. I could go to the other places, be anything I wanted there and do anything before returning to reality where I was no one and no one cared about me. It was a strangely soothing thought. More reassuring than it should have been. It made it easier to ignore my paranoia because I could almost convince myself that I was just being silly. I was. It was nothing. Probably just leftover anxiety from the other worlds where I was actually worth watching and following. That made sense. It wasnt real. I had nothing to fear in reality. My eyes started to flutter shut, and I let them. The last of the adrenaline was draining out of me, leaving me exhausted and in need of sleep. I hadnt had dinner yet, wasnt even in my pyjamas or under my duvet, but I didnt care. The allure of sleep was too strong. 3.16 That was foolish, wasnt it? The candle in my hands wouldnt stop flickering. The light was faint, barely bright enough to illuminate the forest around me, but the small nub of wax was all I had. It was enough. It had to be. I couldnt exactly turn back. I was too far in. Even if I wasnt, I wouldnt turn around. It wasnt an option for me; I couldn''t go back. Wind whipped through the trees bringing the faint sound of hissing laughter, and I lifted my free hand to shield the small flame and silently whispered a prayer to whoever would listen. Someone had to be looking down on me and watching my journey. They needed to be. I clung to that hope as I watched the flame dance before falling still again. They were watching. That was the only answer that made sense to me. The candle should have been snuffed, plunging me into darkness and forcing me to use my final match. Id only brought three, but even that was too many. We were meant to bring one. Just one lone match, but there was no one enforcing it. No one stood under the ancient and twisted archway, making sure that we followed the rules that were passed down, whispered from child to child. I should have brought more. I thought bringing three with me would be enough, but it wasnt. Id left so many more on the mantle, worried about bringing more than I should, but that was stupid. I was stupid to think it mattered or that anyone would know. It didnt make sense anyway. Why would we not be allowed to bring more than one match? Id asked someone once. Everyone had, but the answer was never enough. It wouldnt be fair. It went against the agreement the village leaders had with the creatures that resided in the forest. It wasnt fair to them, apparently. I couldnt believe that, though. None of the village elders so much as acknowledged the rumours. Only the people who came back did. Confusion washed through me, and I looked around. I had no clue where I was. The realisation had taken me a few minutes, but once it hit me, I couldnt shake it. Id definitely not been standing in a forest a few moments ago. The last thing I could remember was lying down in my bed. Was I dreaming? I could have been. The world had a strangely unreal feel to it, but there was no way for me to know. I might have accidentally journeyed to the world in my sleep. That happened sometimes. I couldnt always remember it, but I was pretty sure it did. I wasnt dizzy, though, I realised as I looked around the woods again. Normally, when I first got to a new world, I was. So, did that mean I was dreaming? Or was I just not dizzy for some reason? Maybe it was a world Id been to before. There was no way for me to tell. I couldnt see enough. The light from my candle didnt reach far enough for me to see anything more than the path before me, and the trees on either side. The canopy was too thick, too. It blocked out most of the light from the full moon above me, letting in just enough to cast shadows on the trees, making me feel like I was being watched. I was. I was sure of it. My skin crawled, the hair on my arms stood on end, and I fought the urge to look around again. It was dangerous. Too dangerous. I just needed to keep moving. I couldnt stay in one place for too long. That was a bad idea. I had to get through the forest as quickly as possible. As soon as I got to the other side, Id be safe. Or safer, at least. Looking down at the ground, I started to walk again, following the path before me. It was faint, hard to discern and nothing more than trampled, compacted mud that had been formed by people following the same route often. But not that often. I knew that. People didnt regularly go into the woods. Why would they? There were too many dangers there. Then why was I there? The question came to my mind, and for a moment, I wasnt sure how to answer it. There had to be a reason, but I couldnt think of anything more than because I had to be. I was sixteen in that world, almost seventeen. I was running out of time and stupid enough to risk it. That was the reason, I realised slowly as memories returned to me. The path through the woods was something every single person in our village knew of, even if they didnt believe the rumours. I wasnt sure why it existed or how it had started, but it was something all sixteen-year-olds had to face. No, it wasnt. I shook my head slightly, correcting my own thoughts. It was a decision we all needed to face, but we didnt need to do it. We didnt actually have to set foot on the path. We could choose to stay in the village, which was exactly what I had decided to do. It wasnt worth it. I was content enough there. Id managed to convince myself that I could stay, continue living my life there and ignore the allure of the path. It would be fine. I didnt need to face the unknown and take my chances in the woods, potentially earning fame, fortune and adventure. No. I could just stay in the village. That wouldn''t be too bad. Id marry the farmers son. He was only a year or two older than me, and he seemed nice enough. Plus, Id caught him looking at me more than once. He was bound to ask me before long. I could marry him, have a few kids and become a teacher. That could have been enough for me. My parents had tried so hard to convince me that it would be. That I didnt need anything more to be happy. They were wrong, though. I should have listened to them. I should have ignored it, averted my eyes when I walked by the arch and pretended that I couldnt hear the singsong call of my name that seemed to dance through the air. How they knew my name, I wasnt sure. My parents were careful not to say it outside, just in case. We didnt use names when we were outside. It was too dangerous. Once a person was seventeen, once they were no longer at risk, it was fine, but not before then. My parents werent even particularly superstitious. They told me the fae and creatures in the woods werent real, but they still didnt risk it. I wanted to believe them. I longed to believe that there were no monsters in the woods. That they didnt come alive the moment the sun set. That the flickers and lights that Id seen as Id stared out the window on a long night when sleep refused to come to me were nothing more than my imagination. But I was wrong. I knew that. The forest was full of creatures just waiting for me to step off the path. It was safe, just like the village. Holy water had been sprinkled on the path by one of the people whod returned to the village, and silver dust and salt had been tilled into the dirt. I could see specks of it even in the low light from my candle. Id thought that was a lie, once upon a time. I assumed it was something older kids told the younger ones to scare them or try to convince them they were safe, but that had changed recently. Ever since Id turned sixteen almost a year ago, Id been unable to sleep a full night. Staring out the window was the best way to pass the time, and on more than one occasion, Id seen priests and venturers scattering a mixture of salt and silver onto the ground at the perimeter of our village. My free hand, the one that wasnt clutching my candlestick holder, reached for the pouch Id tied to my waist. Id hastily filled it with salt just a few hours ago as I prepared to leave the house, but Id not taken enough. I should have filled it to the brim and not worried about leaving any for my parents. They could always get more. It wasnt particularly hard to obtain within the village. The venturers, the ones who had made it through the forest and chosen not to return, instead becoming travelling merchants, always brought some whenever they visited. That meant there was always a steady supply. I was foolish. I should have been more prepared, I realised as I scattered a pinch of salt around me, trying to ignore the hurried footsteps that followed. People werent meant to prepare for their venture. They were meant to walk into the woods on the night of their sixteenth birthday, just after midnight, with just a single match and a candle. No weapons, no salt, and no way home. If they returned, they were a hero. Theyd been able to see the world, survived the horrors and the monsters, and they could choose whatever they wanted to do next. Most worked with the church. They helped protect the village from the unspeakable horrors, refusing to talk about what theyd seen, but not all. Wind tore through the forest again, shaking the branches. I lifted my hand, trying desperately to shield the flame, but I was too slow. The wind was too strong. There was nothing I could do but watch as the candle died. I was plunged into darkness. The wind howled again shudder slipped down my back as I fumbled for my bag, searching for the final match as I silently told myself that I was safe. I was on the path. They couldnt set foot on it, and I refused to let myself be tempted away, so I would be okay. I repeated that in my head again and again as I struggled to light the match. My grip on the box was awkward. The silver candlestick holder Id hurriedly grabbed on my way out the door was unwieldy, making it hard to hold and strike the match, but I managed it. The flame flared to life, and the woods became alive with movement. Scurrying noises came from all around me. Trees and bushes shook as things, creatures, dove behind them hiding from view. I refused to look at them, trying desperately to convince myself that it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I was seeing things. Shadows. Nothing more than that. Even so, my hands trembled, and I longed to turn around, go back to the village where I would be safe. I stared back along the path, wishing that I could go home. I couldnt. I had taken too long. If I went back now, everyone would know. They would know that I was a coward. A turnback. The shame of that would drive me mad. This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. That was what normally happens. For the kids that made their way into the woods during their sixteenth year only to get scared and run home, there werent many options. People looked down on them. They judge them for being weak. They couldnt resist the allure of the forest,but they also couldnt follow through with their decision. They werent strong enough for that, and that meant they deserved nothing. Almost all of the turnbacks returned to the forest. It never took them too long. Never more than a year or two. Some said the voices got too loud. That they didnt stop after their seventeenth birthday, like wed always been promised. They kept going, kept tempting. Others said they just gave up. They got sick of the looks and the pity, and walked willingly into trees, not caring about what happened next or that theyd been ripped to shreds by the very creatures they once ran from. Despite telling myself that the creatures didnt exist, I heard them sometimes. I heard the screams in the night. The sobs and the begging. They echoed over the houses, unnaturally loud. We ignored them and pretended we couldnt hear them, but I knew everyone could. I saw it in the tightness of my parents brows, and the lines on their faces the next morning, and I knew they were trying to work out whose child had fallen prey to the monsters. I did the same, trying to work out which of my classmates would never be seen again. Graaaaccccee, the whisper sounded, shaking the trees. I felt myself step forward, moving towards the edge of the path, before tightening my grip on the candlestick holder. The sharp edge cut into my fingers, bringing me back to my senses. I quickly stepped away, moving back into the centre of the path where I knew I was safe. A disappointed sigh seemed to echo through the woods, and I swallowed, forcing myself to stare straight ahead and not look at the ghostly hand that quickly withdrew from the corner of my vision. I needed to be more careful. I couldnt let them enter my mind again. I had to be more aware, keep my attention on the path and keep moving no matter how much I wanted to stop and wait until the sun rose. The forest was less dangerous during the day. The creatures had less power then. Thats what the venturers had said, at least. But other monsters came out then, another venturer, one that was missing an eye and half of her fingers, had added that. The others had nodded at that, seeming to agree that, no matter the time, the forest was always dangerous. Keep moving. Thats what I had to do. If I stayed in one space for too long, more creatures would find me. Theyd be able to tempt me off the path, but if I kept moving, I had more of a chance of getting to the other side before anything too powerful came. The venturers hadnt said what else was in the forest. They never mentioned any specifics, they werent allowed, but I made sure to listen whenever they gave general advice even though Id told myself I wasnt going to set foot in the woods. Always keep moving was the main thing. Then, they said not to step off the path. Some winced when they said that, their gaze becoming distant. Theyd fall silent for a few seconds before continuing as if nothing had happened. Dont listen to the voices. They said that a lot too. Theyd whisper things, try and make you want to walk towards them. It would be hard to resist, they warned us, but if you went to them, death was the only outcome. What else did they tell us? I wracked my brain, trying to remember. There was more. There had to be more. I was sure of it. There was something about flowers. One of the venturers, the woman who hadnt stayed in the village for long after she came back, had mentioned them. Avoid the flowers. The woods were full of them, according to her, but they needed to be avoided. I wasnt sure why, but shed insisted that they were dangerous. How dangerous could some flowers be, though? Mushroom circles were another one that someone had mentioned at some point. We were told to never set foot in one. If we did the venturer didnt finish their sentence. They just shuddered, falling silent and pulling a glass bottle from their bag before taking a long drink. I didnt know what was in the bottle, but the fumes managed to reach me, and I wasnt even sitting at his table. I swept the candle low, my eyes fixed on the path. I needed to check and make sure that I wasnt veering too close to the edges. I wasnt. Not yet. I straightened up again, my eyes staying low as I continued to repeat their advice in my mind. Avoid ponds and streams. Anything deeper than my finger could be deadly. If I couldnt see the bottom, anything could be lurking there. I hadnt come across any streams since Id left the village, not heard so much as a distant tinkle of water, but I was still cautious. Id drown before, in another world, and I didnt want it to happen ever again. But it wouldnt. I was strong. I could make it through the forest without allowing myself to be tempted away. I had to be almost through it. Id been walking for hours, and the sun was beginning to rise. The brief glimpses of sky that Id caught through the gaps in the canopy were definitely starting to brighten. That had to be a good thing. It had to mean I was almost safe. Either that or I needed to move much quicker. Just in case, I started moving faster, my eyes darting back and forth between the candle and the path. Are you getting tired? a voice whispered right in my ear. I jumped, causing the flame to flicker, and pressed my lips together. Dont engage, I told myself. I wasnt meant to speak to them or give them my voice. I wasnt sure what that meant, but Id been warned not to. A peel of laughter sounded, the noise echoing through the trees, as I continued to walk, my steps quicker. There was someone or something walking beside me, keeping pace. I couldnt see them, wasnt brave or stupid enough to look, but I could hear them. Bad luck, I heard another voice say from far too close to me. Maybe youll get the next one? I swallowed, the candlestick holder becoming slick in my grip. I didnt know what to do. There was a monster right beside me, and I had to do something. Salt. I was running low, but I still had some. My fingers grazed the bottom of the pouch as I grabbed as much as I could. I didnt know what the creature beside me was, but the footsteps were too heavy, too sure. It felt dangerous. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing on end, and with every beat of my heart, it begged me to run. It tried to warn me. Without turning fully, without looking at the creature directly, I threw the salt at it. Footsteps sounded, but not enough. The creatures running werent big enough. They werent the one that terrified me most. A low grumbling noise started, coming from all around me. Laughter. Someone was laughing, chuckling. The noise was bouncing off the trees and attacking me from all directions. The candle flame fluttered again, being buffeted by the laughter. I lifted a hand, trying to protect it, but I was too late. There was nothing I could do but watch as the light, my only way to know I was staying on the path and therefore safe, died. Yesssss, another voice hissed as the laughing started again. I couldnt move. I was frozen to the spot, unable to do anything but stare at the fading ember on the end of my once-lit candle wick. The sky was too cloudy, the leaves too dense. I couldnt see the path. I couldnt see where I was meant to go. But I couldnt stay still. For a moment, it felt like nothing reacted despite the laughter. Nothing moved. The laughter continued all around me, but there was no movement. I foolishly found myself thinking, wishing, that nothing would happen. That I could stay where I was until sunrise and that no horrible monsters would find me, but I was wrong. I realised that as soon as the footsteps started. Distant, pounding footsteps, faster than ever before, sounded from all around me. They raced through the woods, not caring about how much noise they were making, and aiming directly for me. Hooting started up, cheers and cries of excitement, of celebration. I couldnt help it, couldnt help what I did. I reacted without thinking and ran. The path was straight. I was pretty sure that the path was straight. It didnt really matter though. I couldnt stick to it, couldnt follow it. I squinted in the darkness, trying to pick out the silver specks that glittered on the path, but it was impossible. I couldnt see anything. I had no clue where I was meant to be going or if I was running through patches of flowers, mushroom circles, or maybe directly towards my death. Maybe I was about to step into a stream. A pond. I wouldnt be able to hear the quiet sound of the water over my panting and seemingly deafening footsteps, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldnt move slower, couldnt make my breathing more even. I was too out of breath, not used to running in this world. A sharp stitch burnt in my side, and my chest ached as I pushed myself to keep moving. It would keep me safe. As long I kept moving, I would be safe. I could get out of the forest, away from the creatures that crashed through the woods behind me. Could they follow me? Id not considered the question before, but it came to mind now. Could they cross the boundary of the forest? They couldnt our village, but that was because of the priests and venturers. That was because of the salt and silver mixture they used. What if whoever lived on the other side of the forest didnt do the same? A flash of light appeared through the trees in front of me, and I felt my heart leap in hope. A light! Another person? Someone who left the village earlier in the evening, before I did? Or was that the end of the woods? Was I almost out of the forest? My head ached, I tasted blood, but it didnt matter. I was almost safe. If it was another person, that meant I was still on the path and Id be safe with them, but if it meant I was almost out of the forest, the nightmare was almost over. I would be safe. I could be a hero, a venturer. Footsteps appeared from nowhere, a pale hand reached out towards me, and I reacted instinctively, throwing the silver candlestick holder I was still clutching at them. A howl of pain, so sharp it made my ears ring, exploded from the creature chasing me, and I heard them hit the forest floor hard. I didnt let myself celebrate. Not yet. I was almost out of the woods. So close. I darted around a tree that seemed to appear from nowhere, exploding out of the woods and into a clearing. My steps slowed as I looked around, my still-racing heart sinking. I wasnt out of the woods, not yet. I was in a meadow. I could see the lightening sky. The moon shone brightly, illuminating the tree in the centre like a spotlight. There was someone standing under the tree, leaning back against it. A boy. I stepped towards him again, torn between wanting to keep moving and wanting to stop, lay down on the wildflowers that sprung from the grass, and rest forever. He looked about my age, maybe a year or two older. The purple and blue flowers grew over his bare feet, making it seem like hed been there forever. Long enough for the plants to accept him as their own. If it werent for the fact that he was moving, examining his pointed fingernails, I would have assumed he was a statute. He was too perfect not to be. His body was long and willowy, his perfectly white hair tumbled down his back, seeming to be made of moonlight itself. His skin gleamed, pale and flawless. His eyes were the only colour on his face, the only thing that was not a shade of glowing light. They were blue. The exact shade of the flowers at his feet. Hello, Grace, he said, finally looking up and gracing me with his attention. Even his voice was beautiful. It was low, reminiscent of the powerful rumble of thunder. But Id heard it before. He had said my name before. It was one of the voices that had been calling out to me for the longest. Since before I even turned sixteen. How do you know my name? I heard myself ask. I needed to know. I had to know what that beautiful, ethereal creature wanted from me, to know why it had chosen me. A smile stretched over his face, the expression making pride and happiness rush into my heart, but it died quickly. His teeth. His smile had revealed rows of long, needle-like teeth. Pointed and overlapping, almost like a shark. But much sharper. Fear suddenly started to pound within me, and I took a step back, horror making my stomach sink. I had spoken. Id given him my voice. Well, well. That was foolish, wasnt it, little Gracie? he said with another chuckle, lifting one hand into the air. Didnt anyone ever tell you not to speak to us? 3.17 I told you Id get her. I took another hurried step back, opening my mouth to say something, anything, but it was too late. He closed his hand into a fist. I felt an ice-cold hand seal around my throat. Around my voice. I opened my mouth again, trying to say something or even just make a noise, but I couldnt. I couldnt even whimper. The boy laughed, the noise too loud for the small clearing we were in. It was deafening. His face became twisted, still beautiful but vicious. Brutal. I had to run. I had to get away. I told you! he called, throwing his arms out wide and looking around. I told you Id get her. I glanced around, trying to see who he was talking to, but I couldnt. The clearing was empty. We were the only people in it, but hissing reverberated through the trees, reaching out towards us. There were others there. They were hiding just out of sight. I had to get away. I needed to get back into the forest and away from the boy who was smiling so smugly, enjoying the disappointment of the other monsters. The forest was safer. It felt so much safer than being in front of the boy. And, the boy said, looking at me again, In answer to your question I know everything about you, Grace. Ive been watching you for a long time, just waiting for the moment when you finally worked up the courage to come and find me. And here you are! It sounded almost friendly, the way he was greeting me. Like he was welcoming me into his home, but I knew there was more to it than that. His eyes were too hungry, his smile too wide. He was going to kill me. My hand reached for my pouch again, throwing the last of the salt at him. I expected him to cry out in pain. For agony to twist his features and to be able to run, but it didnt happen. He simply wiped the salt from his face, giggling. Wrong species, he told me, his tone almost sympathetic. You know, I really underestimated you. Most people dont think to bring salt into our home. It does nothing to us, though. Silver is what you need, but I guess its a little too late for that knowledge to help you, Gracie. Fear and desperation thrummed within me as I continued to back away. I could feel my heartbeat racing in my throat, making it harder for me to concentrate. I needed to do something. I had to run or find a way to escape, but I couldnt think of anything. The only thing I could think of was how much I hated him calling me Gracie. It was stupid, so irrelevant, but it infuriated me. My dad was the only person who could call me that. My hands started to clench into fists as my anger grew. The fae stepped closer, closing the gap between us and stroking one long-pointed finger down my cheek. My hand shot out, and my fist slammed into his cheekbone. Pain exploded in me, tears sprung to my eyes immediately, and I opened my mouth, silently crying out. The boy just looked confused. He lifted a hand to his face, touching the spot that Id hit. It hadnt even turned red. Are all humans that weak? he asked, looking to one side. I barely even felt that. It was nothing more than a pixie butting against me. A laugh came from the far side of the clearing. It was different to the boy before me. Richer, and more melodic, but it sent a shiver down my spine, and my blood turned to ice. I looked across at the woman, my vision blurry from the tears that welled in my eyes. My hand was still throbbing with pain, but I barely noticed as I stared at the creature walking towards me. She was beautiful. Breathtaking, yet terrifying. Her long white-gold hair cascaded down her back in a fluid, rippling wave, and her face was flawless. Until she smiled. My breath caught in my throat. Like the boy, her mouth was full of thin, pointed teeth, but somehow, she had more. There were too many teeth in her mouth. More than should have fit. Truly, she said, her voice making me want to step towards her. It was so hypnotic, so gentle. All humans are fragile little creatures. That punch might have even broken its hand. Me. They were talking about me. I looked down at my hand, clutching it tightly. I was terrified that if I let go of it, the pain would get worse, and I didnt want that. It was already so sore. Ew, the boy said, looking at me in shock and alarm. Will that ruin the meat? For a moment, I didnt understand what he meant. I stared at him blankly, meeting his gaze, and then realisation crashed into me. He was going to eat me. I was the meat. Fear exploded in my heart, and I spun around, finally able to move. I needed to get away from the clearing and the strange faes that spoke so casually about eating people, about eating me. My heart raced as I dashed away, but I barely managed to take two steps before the boy appeared in front of me. He came from nowhere. One moment, I could see the trees and the next, they were blocked from sight by his body. It happened too quickly for me to be able to react or stop myself, and I crashed into his chest. It felt like Id run into a brick wall. There was no softness or yield, just his firm body. Dizziness exploded in my head as my forehead slammed into him, sending me reeling. I would have fallen if not for the hand that closed around my wrist. The ice-cold touch felt almost like a handcuff. I shouldnt have known what they felt like. Id never been arrested in that world, and I was pretty sure they didnt even have handcuffs. Manacles maybe? Id never been arrested in my normal world either, but the sensation stayed with me. I tried to pull my hand free from his grasp, but I couldnt. I felt his grip tighten slightly, the bones in my wrist crying out in pain. The boy wasnt even looking at me, though. He was looking at the woman whose head was cocked as she examined me closely. No, she said carefully. I shouldnt think so. It should still be nice and tender. But you need to kill it quickly before the stress ruins it. That happens too easily with humans. The boy before me pouted, and his grip on my wrist became crushing. He looked strangely young with that expression on his face, but that just scared me even more. A chill slipped down my spine as he looked down at me. Oh, thats not fair! I wanted to have some fun with this one before I kill her! he complained, but the woman just frowned, her expression turning disapproving. Ive told you this before, she told him, a hint of sharpness entering her voice. Flaying and torturing makes the meat tough and chewy. You should know this by now. But the boy said before trailing off. The woman heaved a heavy sigh. Do whatever you wish, but Im not going to listen when you complain about it later, she said, waving her hand dismissively. A look of delight came over the boys face before being quashed. I could see the longing in his gaze as he stared at me, mulling over his decision. Fine, he muttered finally. Ill do it quickly. But I wont next time! The woman chuckled and smiled indulgently. Good decision, Iohl, she said. Im going to really take my time, he continued, looking at me but clearly talking to himself. Ill rip their fingernails off, then peel their skin away. I want to see how much I can do before their heart gives out! He let out a giggle, his eyes lighting up with excitement. I felt my own heart pound in response to his words. I didnt doubt that he could do it. He was clearly strong; my throbbing wrist was proof of that, but I was so glad that hed agreed to kill me quickly. Ideally, I wouldnt die, but a fast death was the next best option. But I was scared for whoever he found next time. I could feel the excitement radiating off of him. He was looking forward to torturing someone, yearning for it, and that terrified me. It was going to be someone from my village. One of the other people my age would be caught by him and would be forced to experience so much pain and suffering. It was useless, and I knew it, but I couldnt stop myself. The fae was still holding my wrist, but still, I darted around him, trying desperately to get away. I had to. I needed to get to my village; I had to warn them. They needed to know what kind of monsters awaited them in the woods. There were rumours, of course, but I had to tell them that they were real. A hand closed around my throat, stopping my escape. I was yanked to a stop, coughing and gasping for air. I didnt even see the boy move, but again, he was in front of me. His grip wasnt particularly tight, but it held me still. See. This is what happens when you dont just snap their necks and kill them immediately, the woman said, her voice taking on a lecturing quality. Its more hassle than its worth! Hurry up and do what you must do. Ill prepare the fire for when you return. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. Thank you, the boy said, his smile growing. From the corner of my eye, I watched the woman walk across the clearing. Part of me wanted to call out to her and ask her to stay. I felt safer with her there, in a strange way. I knew that I was going to die whether she stayed or not, but if she was there, hed be less likely to make me suffer. But I couldnt speak. The boy still possessed my voice. Id given it to him. His smile stretched even wider as he met my gaze before leaning forward and inhaling deeply. I tried to move away from him, but the hand around my throat stopped me from being able to do anything. It really is a shame that I need to kill you quickly, he said with a regret-filled sigh. I dont want to. Ive spent years watching you grow and waiting for this very day. For this very moment. And it is an honour to meet you, Gracie. A delight. He paused as if he was waiting for me to reply, and I opened my mouth. I wasnt sure what I planned to say, whether I would beg for my life or shout insults at him, but it didnt matter. No noise came out. The fae sighed heavily. I know. This is a disappointment for me too. You know, I had such great plans, he said. Would you like to hear them? He smiled, the expression almost friendly, if not for the rows of pointed teeth and the hand around my neck. There wasnt much I could do, but I nodded as best I could. Maybe if I kept him talking, that would be better. Perhaps hed get bored of me or decide that I deserved to live for some reason. Fantastic! he cried delightedly. I was going to give you your voice back, then string you up in my tree. Ive been growing it for months just for you! I needed it to be tall enough to hold you off the ground so I could peel you! It would have been so much fun! I couldnt suppress my shiver that time. Images assaulted my mind. I could see myself hanging above the ground, branches twined around my wrists and ankles as the fae dug his pointed fingers into the flesh on my arm. They tore through too easily. His smile was radiant, victorious, as he slowly pulled the skin away, relishing in the cries of pain that escaped my lips. You would have sounded so beautiful, he sighed, pulling me back to the present. Those noises, those whimpers! They would have been delicious from your lips. He shuddered delicately, the thought of my dying cries clearly delighting me. It scared me, terrified me more than anything Id felt in a while. I was too scared to do anything. I wanted to try and run again, but I knew I wouldnt be able to get far even if I managed to break away from him. I couldnt do anything. There was no escape. But alas, I need to kill you quickly, he said sadly. I cant disobey an elder, especially with so many people watching. He looked around the clearing, and I followed his gaze. There was no one there. I couldnt see anyone, but the boy clearly could. His eye lingered on some spots for longer than others. Panic leapt within me as the boy sighed again and shook his head, looking back at me. I needed to escape. I needed to leave the meadow and the world. I could do that. I could close my eyes and open them somewhere else. In my room. I could return home. I reached out desperately for the familiar dizziness, but it was ripped away from me as the boys fingers started to tighten on my throat. My eyes opened again, and I reached up for his hands, trying to pull them away. If I loosened them just a little, that would be enough. Id be able to go home. But it wasnt working. He refused to loosen his grasp, and my chest burned. I couldnt breathe. I tried to turn my head, tried to suck in more air, but I couldnt. There was no escape. Nothing I could do. The realisation terrified me, and my movements turned frantic. I clawed at his face, my fingers unable to find purchase and not even leaving a mark. I aimed for his eyes, his nose, anything that might be easier for me to break, but he was faster and stronger than me. He batted away my touch, sending me a disappointed look as his fingers gripped me even tighter. Light exploded in front of my eyes, and his face started to swim out of focus. My hands bounced off his chest, the movements uncoordinated and barely controlled. This is no fun, I heard the boy mutter before dizziness consumed me. I sucked in a desperate gasp, sitting up so quickly that I felt a wave of vertigo rock me. I clenched my eyes shut, breathing in as deeply as I could. My chest ached. It throbbed with each scratchy and harsh breath. For a moment, I didnt want to open my eyes. I was too scared of where Id find myself. Slowly, I forced myself to do it, opening them just a crack so that I could peer out. I recognised the room immediately. I was in my bed at my grandparents house, not in some cave somewhere with the fae boy standing over me, coated in my own blood. I was home. Safe. Relief washed over me so strongly that I fell back against the pillow. My head hurt, my chest too, but I was okay. I wasnt being choked. My hand went to my throat automatically, as if I needed to check to make sure, and a twinge of pain spasmed across my knuckles. I looked down at it in confusion. It wasnt too sore, but the sensation still caught me off guard. There was a shadow. A hint of a mark across my knuckles. But I hadn''t done anything in real life to cause the bruise. Id not punched anyone or hit my hand on anything. That must have meant that it came from the other world. It must have happened when Id hit the fae. Panic exploded in me, and I threw myself out of bed. I was still panting, and the movement made my head spin, but I needed to check. If I had a bruise on my throat, a hand-shaped bruise I wasnt sure what I was going to do, but I was scared. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, seeing the fear in my eyes as I pulled the neckline of my shirt down and turned my head from side to side. My eyes scanned my skin, scrutinising it and trying to spot even the slightest shadow. It was there. At some angles, I could see the faintest hint of a mark, but that was it. I couldnt help the sigh of relief that slipped from my lips as I continued to stare at myself. There was no bruise, I told myself, needing to hear it but not daring to say the words aloud in case my mom somehow heard. It was just a slight mark, and that was fine. It probably wouldnt get any darker, and my mom would never notice. That was good. If she did I could already hear the argument. She would assume that Id snuck a boy into the house, and he had done that. She wouldnt worry about me or want to make sure that I was alright. She would automatically assume that I had done something bad, and that it was my fault, I knew it. I stepped back towards my bed, reaching for my phone before stopping myself. I couldnt google how to get rid of bruises on your neck like I wanted to. That was a horrible idea. It would probably be full of questions regarding hickies, and I wasnt sure if they were the same as the bruise on my neck. They were formed differently. I knew that much. Would the answers help at all, or would they just be useless? It didnt matter. I didnt want that question in my search history. Even if I used private mode, my mom might still find it, and that would be bad too. Shed never understand, but I got that. I couldnt exactly tell her that I accidentally visited another world in my dreams where a boy, who wasnt actually a boy, choked me to death. That sounded like a lie. It sounded like the worst lie possible. Anything, any other excuse, would have been so much better. Maybe I could say that I fell and hit my neck on something? No. That sounded like an obvious lie too. I froze, holding my breath as I stared at the bedroom door. Noise. Id heard a noise outside. In the hall. My mom was climbing the stairs. She was barely making a noise, just the softest squeak from the ancient steps. She must have been trying to sneak up on me. My heart started to race. I didnt want to see her, didnt want to talk to her then. I was still too scared, too jumpy. My chest still hurt, my neck and hand too. I wouldnt be able to have a normal conversation with her, and that would make her suspicious. Shed probably search my room again, despite doing it just hours before. My phone too. As quietly as possible, I dove back towards my bed, being careful not to make any noise. I lay down facing away from the door and fought to get my breathing under control. It was a split-second decision, impulsive, but I knew it was the right one. I could pretend to be asleep. I was good at that; Id done it so many times and gotten really good. She wouldnt realise that I wasnt actually asleep, and shed leave me alone. It was difficult, though. My body still ached from being choked. I must have been holding my breath in real life or something when it had happened in the other world, and that made it hard to breathe slowly and deeply like I normally did when I was pretending to sleep. I managed it, though. By the time my moms almost silent footsteps stopped outside my room, Id perfected it. The door opened suddenly, and I had to fight not to jump as my mom flung it open, clearly hoping to catch me in the act of something. There was a moment of silence, and I strained my ears, trying to pick up her footsteps. If she came around the bed to look at my face, I needed to be careful. That had given me away before, but Id just about managed to play it off as if shed woken me up. I didnt want to do that again. It might make her suspicious. A loud sigh came from my mom, the noise jarring. It sounded so similar, so familiar to the boy from before. Hed sighed before telling me how disappointed he was that he didnt get to kill me. The realisation made goosebumps erupt on my skin, and I had to fight the urge not to roll over and check that it was her. What if it wasnt? What if I hadnt gone back to reality, but instead, Id been taken somewhere else? Somewhere else with faes who wanted to peel the skin off my body and eat it? Or maybe it was a trick. Maybe I was still in that world, but hed made me think I wasnt. Honestly, my mom muttered, her tone irritated, but still, it filled me with reassurance. Its not even seven, and shes already asleep. Toddlers dont even sleep this early. This is ridiculous. I didnt move. I didnt roll over or react at all. My mom was waiting for it, I knew she was. She did that sometimes when she suspected that I might not actually be asleep. And shed woken me up doing it a couple of times too. Shed stand at my door, loudly muttering insults or complaints, and then shed get bored and walk away. I just needed to wait for that. Lazy, she said, her voice slightly louder that time. So lazy. Still, I stayed perfectly still and kept my breathing even. Another sigh of irritation came from my mom, much louder that time. I wasnt sure how she managed to sigh so loudly. It was almost impressive. Eventually, I heard movement again. Footsteps, not bothering to be quiet that time, sounded before the door shut heavily. That should have woken me up. It was enough to wake anyone up, and I knew that my mom was waiting outside the door and listening to hear what I would do, but I was prepared. I rolled over, sniffing slightly to make it sound like I was stirring, and pulled the duvet up around myself before focusing on making my breathing sound normal again. It was tense as I waited. Either my mom was going to throw the bedroom door open and call me a faker or a liar or something else like that, or she was going to give up. My body sagged back against the bed as I heard her stomp down the corridor. I was so glad, so grateful, that she hadnt insisted on waking me up and talking to me. It made me feel a little bad, but I was still shaken. I didnt want to talk to her and have to worry about what I was saying and how she was interpreting it. I just wanted to go back to sleep. Or not. The idea of it scared me. I was exhausted and needed more, I could tell, but I was worried about what would happen. Terrified, really. Id gone to another world in my sleep. It hadnt been intentional, and I didnt even realise I was doing it at first. What if that happened again? What if I went somewhere bad again? Like that lab with that girl who had been chained to the walls or to any of the other worlds where I was being brutally murdered? I tried to push the thought aside. I wasnt going to do that. Id go somewhere safe. A nice world where nothing was trying to kill me. I could do that, I attempted to reassure myself. I could find somewhere safe. 3.18 We just want to help you. We just want to keep you safe, Grace, a voice said, the tone saccharinely sweet, even with my limited awareness of what was going on and where I was. Thats all that matters. I blinked, looking around at the sparse office. It looked strange, purposeful in its emptiness. There was no clutter on the desk, nothing on the bookcase apart from a couple of thick tomes, and nothing sharp. Nothing that could be used as a weapon. That thought stopped me. It was a strange thing to notice. I didnt normally; it didnt usually even cross my mind, but I was acutely aware of it. Everything in the office seems so deliberately careful. Even the computer seemed like it had been specifically designed to be safe. It was housed in a clear plastic container that appeared to be built into the desk itself, making it impossible to get to or throw. All of the wires were hidden behind the plastic too. How does that sound? a kind voice asked, and my eyes snapped up to the man sitting behind the desk with a smile on his face. He was looking at me, clearly expecting me to respond to him, but I had no idea what hed been talking about. How was I supposed to answer him? He was asking for my opinion on something, but I didnt even know what it was. My eyes darted towards my mom, hoping shed answer for me or help, but she was just looking at me, irritation building on her face. I looked back at the doctor, starting to nod unsurely before stopping myself. I could ask. I could just ask him what he was talking about. Um sorry, can you explain that again? I asked. It felt like a mistake. I wasnt sure where the burst of confidence came from that made me think it was okay to ask him that, but the look on my moms face made it desert me again immediately. She seemed annoyed at me, bordering on angry, and that made me flinch. I didnt mean to; it was automatic. I knew the expression too well. Any time I caused my mom to look at me like that, it meant that Id done something she didnt like. Id not acted the way she expected me to, and that meant that Id be shouted at or just endlessly insulted in the car on the way home. And for days afterwards. I knew that shed bring up how stupid I was, how I needed to learn to actually pay attention for a change and just be better for weeks to come. But I needed to ask the doctor what he was talking about. He was asking for my opinion on something; he wanted to know what I thought, and I couldnt just agree without knowing what I was agreeing to. That felt wrong, stupid even. I expected the doctor to look annoyed or irritated at me, just like my mom had, but his lips stretched into a kid, well-practised smile. It was understanding and sympathetic, and that made me feel uneasy. Do you remember what we were just discussing? he asked. My heart stuttered in fear and panic, and I started to search my memories. I couldnt recall anything hed been saying to me. I knew that Id been sitting in the office for a little while. I could remember that, but I had no clue what wed been talking about. His voice was fussy and indistinct in my memories. It felt like I couldnt access them properly. Like Id been cut off from them. I was in a new world. That made sense. Sometimes, when I first entered somewhere, I didnt know what was going on and couldnt remember anything from my life there for a little bit. No. Not from my life in that world. That wasnt what was happening. My brain just took a bit longer to make up the details of the fantasy. My imagination wasnt fast enough. Sorry, my mother said, her tone apologetic yet sharp. Grace has been quite forgetful lately and doesnt pay attention enough. The way she said it made it seem like she was gritting her teeth or like she longed to reach out and hit me. Not hard, just firmly enough to jolt me out of my mind and force me to pay attention to what was being said. I shuffled away from her slightly, trying to move out of her reach, but the leather chair I was sitting in was bolted to the ground. Another thing I couldnt use as a weapon if I wanted to. The urge gripped me. I could pick it up and swing it at my mom or the doctor, just to see what happened. My hands laced together on my lap as desperation raced through me. It was just a thought, nothing more. I didnt actually want to hurt anyone, and having that thought didnt mean that I would. It was just a thought, just an intrusive thought that didnt mean anything. Thats alright, the doctor said, holding up a hand to stop me as I opened my mouth to apologise. Its part of why youre here after all. Would you like me to explain whats going on to you? Yes, please, I said, relief washing through me as I dug my nails into my hands. I needed to pay attention as he spoke. I knew that, but I could feel my mind wandering again. I tightened my grip, feeling the sharp pain in my hands, anchoring me to the present. Youve been struggling with your mental health recently, the doctor told me, his words a little surprising to me. Youve reported low mood, anxiety, paranoia, and feeling out of control. Youve been seeing one of my colleagues for a few weeks about it. Does that sound familiar? I didnt remember seeing anyone about it, but the rest of what he was saying sounded familiar. It was true in my other world too. In reality. Not so much the low mood, that hadnt been as bad for a few weeks, but I was definitely feeling anxiety and paranoia. I wasnt sure if Id say I was feeling out of control, though. I was in control. I knew what I was doing. Mostly, at least. In my real world, it wasnt something I struggled with. That only happened when I went somewhere else. Like, sometimes I didnt go where I wanted to, but that wasnt really a problem. I wasnt trying to go to a specific world and not being able to. It only really happened when I was exploring. Or when I fell asleep. Just like I was then. I was in a dream, or Id slipped into another world in my sleep, just like I had with the last one. The one where Id been murdered by a fae, a mystical creature that didnt even exist in my world. Or any world. It wasnt real. None of it was real. I wasnt going to different worlds. I wasnt exploring or becoming a spy or an assassin or anything else that I thought I was. I was just trapped in my own head. Retreating into my fantasies and daydreams and losing hold of reality. Thats what it was. Thats what the other doctor had told me it was. I think so, I said, the words hard to say. The doctor nodded at me, making me feel like Id given the right answer to a teacher in school, and looked at the screen in front of him. Ah, yes. It may help to hear it in your own words? the doctor suggested. I have some excerpts from the diary your previous psychiatrist asked you to keep. Youve said I feel like Im going insane. Some days, its like Im watching the world pass me by, but I cant interact with it or do anything to stop it. I cant control what I do. Its like Im a puppet, and someone else is pulling the strings. I make stupid decisions that I dont want to, like flashing people or hurting them, and I cant control it. Now, whenever a stupid thought comes into my head, Im terrified that someone else will take over, and Ill act on it. I dont know what to do, but I cant keep living like this. Do you remember writing that? My face was burning, and I could feel my mothers eyes boring into me as I nodded. I had been in that world before. I remembered that. Id wanted to do something dumb and impulsive and didnt want to do that in my real world, where Id actually need to deal with the aftermath of what Id done, so Id gone somewhere else. I could still remember the look on Duncans face when I flashed him. I couldnt do it. I couldnt stay in that world for any long. I started to reach for my dizziness, fleeing as quickly as I could. We can help you, Grace. Thats why youre here. The gentle voice stopped me. I wasnt sure if it was morbid curiosity or what that kept me there, but I felt myself push the dizziness aside. You can? I asked. Part of me wanted that. It wanted to know what it would be like to actually talk to a doctor about my mental health and how I was doing. Id started to feel better, not quite so numb and sad all the time, so I didnt exactly need to speak to anyone about it, but I wanted to know what it would be like. We can, the doctor promised. I know youve already been on a few different medications, and they havent made too much of a difference, but we can try some other ones whilst youre here. I think well start by increasing your dosage of Seroquel, removing the paroxetine and trialling venlafaxine to help with your anxiety and paranoia. Just on a low dose, thirty-seven point five milligrams twice a day, to see how you tolerate it, and we can increase it if needed. How does that sound? I nodded, unsure what else to do. He was talking about medication, I was pretty sure, but I didnt recognise any of the names or what they were. I didnt really know anything about medication for mental health or what it did, but he was a doctor. He had to know better. Grace, weve waited weeks to see Doctor Johnson. You need to actually speak to him, my mother said, her tone too pointed and eager. She clearly wanted me to say something, but I had no clue what that could be. She normally preferred it if I just sat there and didnt speak, though. It felt strange that she was encouraging me to talk, and I wasnt sure what to make of that, but the doctor just shook his head. Its alright, he told my mom before looking at me. Ive already read all of the notes that your previous psychiatrist forwarded over, and well have plenty of time to talk later. Interest rose within me. I wanted to read those notes. Curiosity had gripped me and refused to let go. I longed to see what they thought of me and my other worlds. Did they think I was insane, or was there more to it than that? And what did they think of my mom? The doctor sitting opposite me, Doctor Johnson, didnt really seem to like her. He barely spoke to her, looking at me more, and that had to be infuriating her. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. Surely, they would have seen through her mask too. They would have seen through the pretence that she puts up. It was their job, after all. They should have been able to see straight through her feigned concern to the excitement that she was just barely able to hide. She was enjoying it too much. She was enjoying how much I was struggling too much. It had been bad. I could finally remember that. After I flashed Duncan and a few other things happened, a few more stupid decisions, my anxiety got worse. I started having panic attacks, being unable to breathe or move or do anything. I didnt want to go to school. I couldnt. The thought of being surrounded by everyone who knew what I had done was too much for me to cope with. Even recalling it was making my heart start to pound. I turned my phone off and threw it under my bed. That helped. It meant that I wasnt jumping every single time I got a text or a notification, paranoid that it would be a message from someone in my class mocking me for what Id done or calling me names. I couldnt do anything other than stay in my room and refuse to leave. There were other things too, though. I remembered those too. I kept feeling it. The creeping sense of dizziness would sneak into my mind and grip me, making it feel like I was on autopilot or like I was sitting in the backseat of a car, able to see everything that was happening but not controlling it. That terrified me. It made me constantly on edge and scared because what if it happened again? What if I was forced to watch myself do something stupid without being able to stop it from happening? What if that was just my life? What if the doctors couldnt do anything to fix it or stop it from happening, and I just had to live, constantly on edge and waiting for the puppet master to reappear and pull the strings again, ruining my life? I couldnt do it. I couldnt live like that. Do you have any questions, Grace? I blinked and looked up at the doctor, trying to hide my panicked and fast breathing. No, I replied, the tone much steadier than I expected. I was good. Good at hiding things from others. Id had a lot of practice. I hid what was happening for weeks from my mom. She only realised because the school called her to say I wasnt going in. Phoebe too. Shed called. A wince crossed my face as I remembered that. I hadnt been answering Phoebes messages, and she must have gotten scared because she called the house phone and spoke to my mom. Mom had loved that. Id heard the gloating edge to her voice as she told Phoebe that I didnt want to speak to her and to stop calling. She didnt like Phoebe, never had. She was thrilled to finally be able to say that to her. Gleeful, almost, despite how much Id been crying. My heart ached. I hated that Id upset her so much, but I just couldnt face her. Id need to talk about what was going on with me, and that would just make her so worried. I didnt want her to worry about me. She didnt deserve that. She deserved a friend who wasnt such a mess, someone normal. And shed find that. With me gone and out of the way, shed be able to make more friends. I wouldnt be holding her back anymore. Great, Doctor Johnson said as he typed on his computer, the jarring clacking too loud in the otherwise silent room. I believe your bag has finished being checked, so Ill call a nurse to come and bring you to your room. Checked? I asked. Yes. We need to make sure that you havent brought in anything that isnt allowed or that could be used to hurt yourself. I dont think that you would have, of course, but its ward policy to check with every new admission. The nurse explained it when we first came in. Were you not listening? my mother demanded. I could remember it, kind of. A smiling guy in pink scrubs had said something before Id given him my bag, but I couldnt remember what hed said. I couldnt remember any of the words. Thats okay. Its completely normal to not catch everything thats explained when you first get to the hospital, the doctor reassured me. It can be a very jarring experience, even when the decision is voluntary. I nodded numbly. Voluntary. That meant I chose to go to the hospital, I thought. I did. Kind of. It had been my moms decision. Well, less of a decision and more of a threat, but I dont think she expected me to agree to it. Shed said it for a while, kept bringing it up when I refused to go to school or leave the house. Shed said that shed drag me to a psychiatrist if I kept it up. And she did. The faint bruise around my wrist was proof of that. Shed literally dragged me out of the house, ignoring my tears and panic attack, and had driven me two hours to a man who stared at me blankly for ten minutes before writing me a prescription for something. Antidepressants, maybe. Im sure it is, my mom agreed, but it was clear she was still annoyed at me. But Im sure youll settle in very quickly! the doctor said with a reassuring smile that I tried to refuse. The nurse will be here in just a minute if you want to say your goodbyes to your mum. But dont worry, youll still be able to call her once a week. I nodded and glanced at my mom, unsure what to say. Moms face changed, the mask being pulled tight as she turned towards me. I know you didnt want to come here at first, she lied, her tone solemn, But Im glad you agreed. Its the best place for you right now, and theyll be able to keep you safe here. Thats what I wanted. I just wanted to feel safe, but her words sounded wrong. They sounded practised, rehearsed. It was as if shed been preparing for the exact moment for days, repeating what she was going to say over and over in her head or maybe even in front of the mirror. It sounded hollow. Empty and emotionless. I nodded. It was all I could do. I knew she wanted me to agree with her or to thank her for taking me to the hospital, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. She only suggested it as a threat, something that she thought would scare me into doing what she wanted, and she wasnt sure what to do about it. Shed only followed through because she expected me to back out. I dont think she really believed or understood how bad it was for me. Silence stretched through the room, and I saw a muscle in my moms jaw twitch. Even the doctor looked uncomfortable. He must have seen awkward goodbyes before, but he looked so relieved when a knock came from the door. Come in, he called a little too quickly. The door opened, and the nurse from my memories appeared. Hello again, he said with a smile. All done here? Yes, thank you, Andrew. Can you show Grace to her room? Doctor Johnson asked. Of course! The nurse cocked his head at me, prompting me to stand. I did, anxiety thrumming within me as I walked across the room. Are you not going to give me a hug? my mom asked, causing me to come to a stop. Sorry, I muttered, moving back towards her and wrapping my arms around her in an awkward embrace. She hugged me back, holding on for a few seconds longer than I expected. Ill miss you! she called as I let go and started to walk towards Andrew again. I glanced back at her in surprise. She sounded like she meant it, and there were even tears welling in her eyes. Was she actually going to miss me? That didnt feel right. She didnt like having me around or enjoy spending time with me. She sniffed softly, dabbing at her eyes before sitting down and sending the doctor an emotional smile. It was an act. That made more sense. She was trying to make the doctor think she was a better mother than she was. She wanted him to think that she was heartbroken at the thought of leaving me in the hospital rather than actually being worried about me, and it looked like he was falling for it. He smiled at her and rooted around in his drawers, pulling out a box of tissues and offering them to her. Yeah, you too, I muttered as I left the room. I really hope shell be okay, I heard my mom say as the door shut between us. I had to fight not to laugh. It was so ridiculous and obvious what she was doing. She wasnt even trying to be subtle about it. So, howd the meeting go? Andrew asked me as we started to walk along the corridors. The powder blue walls were spotless somehow. That surprised me. The hospital seemed busy. I could hear voices and laughter floating out of rooms around us, and that made me nervous. I didnt want to be around other people, especially not people my age. They scared me, even though I knew that was stupid. I had nothing to worry about. They wouldnt know who I was or what Id done. Huh? I asked, realising the nurse was looking at me and clearly expecting an answer. Doctor Johnson? I told you you had nothing to worry about. Hes a sweetheart, isnt he? Oh yeah, I said, feeling my lips stretch up into a smile that fell quickly. It was okay. Good! Andrew said enthusiastically as we stopped outside a locked door. He swiped his card on the reader and pulled the door open for me, but I hesitated. I didnt want to go through it, and I wasnt sure why. I was scared, terrified. Something felt wrong, but I couldnt just stand in the hall forever. I needed to go through the door. Taking a deep breath, I walked forward. The door shut heavily behind us, locking me away from the rest of the world. The heavy sense of wrongness only grew as we continued to move through the spotless ward, my shoes squeaking loudly on the spotless vinyl flooring. This ones yours, Andrew said, coming to a stop outside a door. I had no idea how he knew it was my room. There were no signs or nameplates on any of the cream doors. It was all completely blank, but I tried to ignore that and how uneasy it made me as I stepped into the room. It was surprisingly nice inside. Sparse, like Doctor Johnsons office had been, but nice. There was a single bed against one wall, an empty bookcase next to it, and a desk against the back wall with a giant window above it. I couldnt help but move towards the window. I stared at the world beyond, confusion building in me. Something looked off about the field behind the hospital. It just didnt quite look real. The colours were wrong, thats what it was. All of the colours looked just a bit too vibrant. It was as if someone had turned the brightness or the saturation up too high. Was it the medication I was on? Doctor Johnson had mentioned that. Hed said something about what I was taking. Could that be making things look weird? Surely not. The pills couldnt mess with my eyes, right? Then, what was it? I turned back towards Andrew, who was still standing at the door, but my eyes moved past him, focusing on the silent corridor beyond. It was empty. Id not heard anything or seen anyone since we went through the locked door, but there had to be other people there. Wed seen them, and the doctor had mentioned other patients. But then, where were they? Is everything alright? Andrew asked. Distrust bubbled in my stomach. Yes, its just where is everyone? His smile grew slightly. What do you mean? It was wrong. His tone was wrong. The other kids. Where are they? Andrew stepped forward into the room, a hand going towards his pocket. Im not sure I understand what youre talking about, he said, his tone carefully concerned. He was so tall. I hadnt noticed that until he was standing right in front of me. Am I the only one here? I asked. He pounced, one hand finding the back of my head, the other pressing against my mouth. Something hard smashed against my lips, hurting them, but I clenched my teeth and refused to open my mouth. I tried to push him away from me, but he was stronger than I was. His fingers found my nose, pinching it shut. Just take the pills, he grunted, his grip on my mouth tightening. I didnt want to. I wanted to fight against him and not take whatever he was trying to give me, but I couldnt. I didnt want to die again, just like I had in the other world. I wanted to be somewhere safe and easy. Without meaning to, I opened my mouth. The pills were shoved in and began to dissolve the moment they touched my tongue, filling my mouth with a bitter taste that made me want to gag. But Andrew didnt let go. His hand was clamped over my lips until I swallowed. Good girl, he said, stepping back as if nothing had happened. That wasnt so bad, was it? What was that? I demanded. What did you give me? His smile returned. Just a little something to help you sleep. Confusion built within me. But its not nighttime, I said. The nurses eyes flicked towards the window. Are you sure? Yes, I said immediately, starting to turn. The sun was setting. It had been so bright just moments before, but it wasnt anymore. I could see the sun moving lower and lower in the sky. Whats going on? I asked, turning back towards the nurse. Nothing, he said in a reassuring tone. We just want to help you. I took a step back, bumping into the desk and having to lean against it heavily as my knees became weak. Why? I asked, but my voice was slurring. My vision had started to swim. I could barely focus on the mans face. Youll find out soon enough. 3.19 That left me with only one option. My mind was swimming. It refused to focus on anything, flitting from topic to topic, thought to thought, but the movements were halfhearted. They were weak. It was like I didnt really want to focus on anything; it was just searching for things at random. Anything that might entertain me, even briefly. I didnt mind too much, though. It was kind of nice, actually. Peaceful. For once, I didnt feel anything bad. There was no anxiety or worried, racing thoughts, just nothingness. It felt almost like my brain had been removed from my head and wrapped in something warm and cosy. My body too. It felt like I was floating on a cold of cotton candy, but not sticky. I felt protected, loved and safe, and I stayed that way for so long. I dont know how long it was, not really. My mind just stayed there, floating in space without any real conscious thought or decisions until the realisation that I could leave hit me slowly. I could leave. I could go back to my other life, the real world. It didnt quite feel real to me, though. It felt detached, far away and unreachable. Was time moving there? Was it passing too fast whilst my time in the other world seemed to be frozen? I needed to go back. I knew that, but I didnt really want to. With great difficulty, I pulled away from the world where I felt so protected and started swimming through the dizziness in my mind. The movements felt different to normal. More physical. It was almost like I was actually trying to swim through the thick, gloopy river of my other worlds. The texture was like syrup, and I could feel it slipping over my skin and clinging to it. Not syrup. Something nicer. Something that Id actually want to swim in. What thick liquid wouldnt feel horrible against my skin and wouldnt be sticky? Maybe golden syrup. A giggle slipped out of my lips in one of the worlds. I wasnt sure which one, but I didnt really care. I didnt want to swim in golden syrup. I knew that, but the thought still made me laugh. It would be so sticky and horrible, and it would probably never come out of my hair. I could probably wash and wash for hours, and it would still feel horrible to run my fingers through. Sugar would still probably be crystalised in it for days, if not weeks, and the bugs Disgust turned my stomach at the thought of bugs and insects embedded in my hair, and I felt myself lurch away from that world, finally finding my reality. How I knew that it was mine, I wasnt sure, but I did. It was hard to force myself back into my real body and to make myself open my eyes. It felt like theyd been glued shut, and I had to fight to pull them open slowly, inch by inch. I was being watched. Something or someone was watching me. That was my first realisation. There were eyes everywhere, and they were watching me, just like in the other world. The faces on the wall stared down at me, their flat, emotionless gazes fixed on my body, barely hidden under the duvet I was wrapped in. Pictures. They were just photos. It took me far too long to realise that. I was still at my grandparents house, and the wall was covered in pictures. No one was watching me. It was just cutouts glued to the wall. Confusion built within me. It was still dark outside. The sun was starting to rise, but it was still nighttime. That meant that barely any time had passed. Either that or an entire day had gone by without me even noticing. Fear shot through my mind, waking me up and chasing away any residual sleepiness as I grabbed for my phone. I had fallen asleep, slipped into the other worlds, before plugging it in. It only had three percent battery left, but that was enough for me to see the date. I hadnt missed anything. It was four in the morning, the next day. Id only been asleep or in the other world for a few hours, nothing more. I sagged against the duvet in relief before reaching for my charger and plugging the phone in. The brightness of the screen hurt my eyes, but I peered at it, struggling to read the messages from Phoebe that had been sent just two hours earlier. Okay, hear me out, she had typed. Ive done my research, and they do sell lobsters a lot more often over here. Some places sell them still alive, and Im pretty sure I can get it on the plane without anyone noticing, but I worry about it being crushed in my suitcase. What do you think I can leave here? Annette will definitely post some of my clothes back, right? A smile grew on my face as I scrolled down, reading the next message that shed sent ten minutes later. So it might be illegal. I just saw something about there being sniffer dogs and stuff that search luggage at airports, and apparently, animals can show up on the scanners they put all of the bags through. Do you think if I pack my suitcase really well, I can hide it somehow? I want to call it Leroy Junior. I snorted softly before starting to reply. You need to stop watching that YouTube channel, I wrote. If you get arrested on the way back for smuggling a lobster into the country, your mom will be so annoyed. Shell definitely ground you this time. She didnt like to ground Phoebe for anything. It was kind of weird to me at first, but she said it made her uncomfortable. That punishment should make sense and be tailored to the crime or the rule that had been broken. Phoebe had been made to tidy the entire house (for spilling something on the carpet and hiding it from her mom, causing it to stain) and had to work at her moms business doing admin for a few weeks to pay her back for the glasses she broke last year after getting drunk, but every time, her mom made sure to help out and not make her do anything too bad. Phoebe complained about it, but she understood why her mom was making her do it, and she knew it wasnt unfair. I never really got grounded, though. I dont think I really did anything worthy of being grounded. I wasnt a particularly bad kid. I probably drank more than I should, and I hid that from my parents, but it was just at parties. I never drank on my own. Apart from that, I didnt do anything bad. Not that my mom would ever believe that. She was always accusing me of doing something wrong. She didnt really punish me for it, though. Not consistently, at least. She liked to threaten me. To tell me she was going to kick me out of the house, leave me at the side of the road, or lock me in my room for a week, but she never followed through. She normally just exhausted herself with her anger and gave up. I didnt mind that, though. It was easier. I glanced at the time again before rolling over. Sleep. I needed more sleep. It was still too early in the morning, and I didnt need to get up for another few hours at least, but I didnt really want to go back. I knew that when I fell asleep, Id probably go back to the other world. The hospital. That scared me. Id been drugged. That nurse, Andrew, had drugged me. I guess I kind of expected to be given medication there, but I didnt expect anyone to force me to take it. I hadnt done anything to deserve it. Maybe that was just what happened at the hospital, though. Perhaps it was normal. It didnt feel normal, but then again, nothing at the hospital felt quite like it should. There were weird things happening there, that was for certain. Like the window. Id seen time passing. The sun had sunk lower and lower before my very eyes, but the nurse had said that he hadnt seen it. That had to be a lie. How could he not see the sky darkening? Or perhaps there was nothing for him to see. Maybe nothing had happened to the sky, and I was just staring out of a completely normal window. There might not have been a window there at all. Maybe I just thought that there was. It could have happened. I could be seeing things that werent really there. I was in a psychiatric hospital. Maybe Id lost my grip on reality completely. But I didnt think I had. It made sense to me why I was there. I understood it too much. The anxiety and worries I had been feeling, the sheer panic, all felt completely normal. If I had flashed Duncan and done some other things that I didnt feel like I could control, I would be scared too. I wouldnt want to leave the house, go back to school or even look at my phone, so I didnt think I was really losing my mind. Part of me did want to go back there. Even though it was scary, and I didnt know what was happening, I wanted to go back. There was something about the world that I was drawn to. I could feel myself drifting back there without even meaning to. I wasnt sure if it was because part of me wanted someone to help me. I wanted a professional, someone who knew what they were doing, to tell me that I was not normal and needed help and then to help me. I wanted them to look at my mom and how she acted and to tell me that it wasnt okay. That the way she treated me wasnt okay. Stolen story; please report. My eyes fluttered shut. It was too early in the morning, and I was too tired. I could feel sleep hovering at the edge of my mind, pulling at me and making my vision swim as I fought to keep my eyes open and not succumb again. The world around me became hazy. It warped, twisting and making me feel nauseous until I gave up. The strange floating feeling overpowered me again. I felt myself swimming in the thick lake of other worlds, but I couldnt stay afloat. I sunk like a rock, my mouth squeezing shut to stop the worlds from finding their way in until I finally hit the bottom of the river. But I didnt stop then. The ground was too soft. It gave way under me, and I fell through the mud, emerging on the other side. I started to fall. I caught sight of the mud-covered underside of a giant floating city for just a moment before turning, tumbling and free-falling through the air. The world around me spun out of control, and I grabbed desperately for any other dizziness. I needed another place to go, another reality to disappear into so that I wouldnt be there when my body finally hit the solid ground far below where I was. Flashes invaded my mind. Fragments of place, of memories and people that I was in other worlds. Warm water slipped over me as my head finally broke the surface somewhere I didnt recognise. The sun glinted off the sea, blinding me, as a laugh slipped from my lips. Salt clung to my skin, making it feel tight as I pushed my goggles back, eager to see more of the beautiful land I was in, but it was too late. I was already consumed by the dizziness. The air was frigid. There was a stale, musty quality to it that made me reluctant to breathe too deeply. Each inhale hurt. It was too cold. I had been too cold for too long. Our journey under the frozen and ice city had been a long one, but it was far from over. We still had more than ten miles to walk, and each step hurt. My shoes were too tight. They pinched my toes and rubbed on my heels, but it didnt matter. Stopping wasnt an option. Are you ready, Grace? someone asked. I didnt recognise the voice. I didnt recognise the face that slowly came into focus as I was dropped into yet another world I had never seen before. I stared at the sun-weathered face, but I didnt know who he was. He looked scared. He looked terrified as he waited for my answer, his eyes darting to the doorway just beyond that led to the desert. I opened my mouth to reply, to ask him what was happening or who we were running from, but it was too late. Dizziness was pulling at me again. Warmth was the first thing I noticed. I was freezing. Painful shivers wracked my body, but whatever I was lying against was radiating heat. I thought it was a chair at first. A sofa or maybe a beanbag. It wasnt, though. The soft movements, the gentle rises and falls, made it clear that I was leaning against a body. I tried to turn my head to look at whatever it was, but I couldnt. My body wouldnt respond to me. All that I could do was shiver, hearing my teeth chatter loudly in the tepid forest air. The thing I was leaning against, the creature, seemed to know what I wanted, though. I watched out of the corner of my eyes as it lifted its giant black head and licked my cheek, washing away the tears that had been leaking uncontrollably from my eyes. I couldnt see what it was, though. All I could see was a mass of wild black fur before the world started to spin again. I was in a gym. One I recognised immediately. Id been there many times, and I was there again. My body felt stronger there. I was no longer decrepit and waiting for death to come for me. I was strong. And happy. There was a boy in front of my rowing machine. He was laughing at something that I had said, his eyes dancing with light and joy. I wanted to stay there, but I couldnt. Strength leeched out of me as I was pulled away, dragged to another world. Brightness invaded my brain. I clenched my eyes shut, waiting for dizziness to appear again and rescue me. But it didnt come. I could feel it pulling away, leaving me in the blindingly bright world. I needed to open my eyes again. I had to open them and check where I was, but it was hard to convince myself to do it. I knew it would hurt. I knew the light would hurt my eyes and make my head throb, but I wanted to know where I was. Slowly, I cracked my eyes open just a little and blinked up at the bright room. Why was it so bright? I couldnt even tell where I was at first. My vision was blurry, but I looked around, waiting for it to become clearer. I was in the hospital. I sat up quickly, dizziness and pain stabbing through my mind as panic sparked dully in my heart before dying out and leaving me numb. That didnt feel right. The anxiety had lasted for a couple of seconds but no longer. That wasnt normal. Something in the back of my mind pulled at me, but I couldnt work out what it was as I continued to stare blankly at my surroundings. Alone. I was alone in the room. There was no one there to greet me and no one watching over me. There should have been. I almost wished that there was because being alone felt weird. It made me uncertain and unsure of what to do. What was I meant to be doing? Was I meant to get up and find someone, or was there something else I was supposed to do? Should I have even been awake? I pushed the duvet back, eyeing the door suspiciously. Surely, they would know that I was getting up, and someone would come and get me. That sounded right. I started to stand, my legs feeling unsteady, and took a step forwards before stopping. Something didnt feel right, but I wasnt sure what. I glanced down, staring at my bare feet before the answer came to me slowly. I was wearing different clothes than before. When Id first been dropped off, I was wearing leggings. Thats what I had been wearing when that nurse had drugged me, but I was in jogging bottoms and a long-sleeved t-shirt now. Fear shot through me, clearing some of the fog from my mind, and the hair on my arms stood on end. Someone had changed me. That meant that someone had seen me naked. They had put me into different clothes when I was unconscious, and that was a horrifying thought. They could have done anything to me, and I wouldnt know. I wouldnt have been able to stop them or fight back. No. That wasnt right. I had gotten changed myself. Bits and pieces of memories slowly filtered into my mind, flickers of things that had happened since the last time I had been in that world. So much time had passed. I wasnt sure how long it had been, but I knew that it had been a while. But it had only been minutes in reality. Just long enough for me to wake up, tumble through the other worlds and find my way back to the hospital. How had so much time passed there? I could remember it. It felt like an endless blur of monotony. Countless appointments with doctors who asked me questions and typed notes whilst I sat there awkwardly. Blood tests. There had been so many blood tests too. I remembered vials and vials of viscous liquid being coaxed out of my veins and carried away on a tray whilst I sat there and watched them go. There were other tests too. I could vaguely remember having to lie still whilst a machine buzzed around me, the noise almost deafening. So much time had passed, but I didnt feel any better. I didnt feel anything. My life was a flat stream of nothingness. The doctors werent doing anything to help me. The tests were pointless. They never learnt anything from them. They just conducted them and stared at me like I was a lab rat or something, waiting for me to do what they wanted me to, but I didnt know what that was. No one had explained it to me, and I couldnt work it out. Not that I really cared. Id stopped feeling anything about the tests. They were scary at first, but I had been filled with hope. Hope that theyd find out what was wrong with me and that theyd be able to help, but that seemed less and less likely. My gaze roamed the room again, searching for something that I couldnt find. I wasnt even sure what it was that I was looking for, but it didnt matter. My eyes landed on a mirror on the wall that I hadnt noticed before, distracting me. I stepped forward, straining my ears to make sure that no one was approaching my room without me noticing, and stared at the mirror in shock. Lifting my hand, I felt genuine shock when my reflection moved too. I didnt recognise the person I was looking at, but the skeletal hand was moving. The wide, glassy eyes stared back, blinking in time with me. It was me, and the realisation made me stumble backwards. I looked horrible. I wasnt sure how long I had been in hospital, but it seemed like I hadnt eaten in that time. Or maybe it was the medication they were giving me multiple times a day. I needed to leave. I had to leave, and I had to go quickly. If I stayed for much longer, I would die. Either the doctors would kill me, or the medication would. Or maybe my body would just stop fighting to keep me alive. I stepped toward the door, pausing to listen for footsteps before reaching for the handle. The corridor was quiet and empty. There were no people there, no other patients and no doctors, but there was a camera positioned high on the wall opposite and pointing directly at me. Someone was sitting behind it and watching me. I had to move fast. But I didnt know which was to go. Left was the obvious choice, but the way out that way was locked, and I didnt have a keycard to get out. Id need to take one from Andrew or that other nurse who came to see me sometimes, the dark-haired one. That wouldnt work. They were too strong. Andrew had already overpowered me too easily when Id first come to the hospital. Hed been able to force medication into my mouth without even breaking a sweat. I wouldnt be able to get the card off of him, and the woman looked strong too. She wasnt particularly tall, but there was something about her that made me think I wouldnt be able to beat her in a fight. Especially not with how malnourished and weak I had become. That left me with only one option. I needed to find another way out. 3.20 Trapped in a dreamless sleep. There had to be another way out. It made no sense for there not to be, but I hadnt seen it. Id never actually seen the majority of the ward, I realised slowly. Whenever I left my room for medical tests, I was put in a wheelchair and taken out through the door I had willingly walked through what felt like months ago. But that couldnt be the only way. What if the card reader or lock stopped working? Theyd need a backup. Another way to get into the ward. I started to step forward before freezing as my eyes found the camera on the pastel wall in front of me. Was there anyone watching? There couldnt be. No alarm had sounded. I hadnt heard the heavy thunk of the magnetic lock echo through the halls, and there were no footsteps. That must have meant that no one was coming. A flicker of hope burnt in my heart. Maybe I could escape before anyone even realised that Id woken up. That would be good. I knew that I was too weak to fight, and my legs were already trembling from the effort of holding me up. I couldnt run, and it would be pointless. I didnt know where to go. I shuffled forward slightly, not quite leaving my room before freezing. It felt wrong to run. My feet didnt want to move. It was like I was fighting with myself, but I couldnt turn around and go back into my bedroom. I might not get the chance to escape again, and I knew that. Instead, Id be trapped. Id be forced to undergo more and more tests until my body finally gave up, and I died. That wasnt what I wanted. That wasnt the life I wanted. I longed for more. More than anything, I wanted to leave the cursed hospital I was trapped in behind me, to escape and feel the gentle kiss of the wind against my face. I had to see my dad again, and Mom too. And Phoebe. I couldnt die without seeing her again. There was too much I needed to say to her. I had to apologise. I needed to do so much more than just apologise too. I wanted to tell her that I should have never ignored her texts or her calls and explain everything that I had been struggling with. It was wrong for me to just blank her without saying anything, and the way I had heard my mom talking to her wasnt okay either. I should have done something about that instead of just hiding away. I could have told her to stop and said that I did actually want to speak to Phoebe. I always wanted to talk to her. I was just a coward. But I refused to continue to be one. That thought strengthened me. It made it easier for me to take a step forward, approaching the threshold of the corridor. My body tensed, and my hand tightened on the strangely shaped metal door handle as I waited for the inevitable alarm to sound, but nothing happened. The corridor was silent. My eyes found the camera again as I took another step, moving into the hall and pulling my door shut behind me. It felt scary to close the door. Like I was stopping myself from being able to change my mind or turn back, but I had to. I needed to make it so that if anyone just happened to glance at the camera, they wouldnt immediately notice that I was gone. If they looked in my room, theyd know, but I hadnt seen any cameras in there. There probably were some, though. It made sense for there to be some hidden in there. There were too many in the hall, but maybe they wouldnt check. Maybe theyd just assume that I was still in my room, trapped in a dreamless sleep. I hoped they would. The metal snick of the door shutting made me jump. It felt almost deafeningly loud in the otherwise quiet hall. The only other sounds were my raspy breathing and the faint hum of electricity coming from the fluorescent lights above. I glanced up at them before looking down the corridor. Right. I had to go right. Away from the locked door that needed a key card to get through. I started to move. My steps were slow and shuffling, my feet barely lifting off the ground. It felt strange to walk, like my body wasnt used to it. It wasnt, not really. I hadnt moved more than a few steps, the distance between my bed and the bathroom or from the wheelchair to the examination table or MRI machine, for a long time. They wouldnt let me walk. They wouldnt let me do anything. The strangely warm vinyl flooring felt sticky beneath my bare feet, and my body longed to turn around and go back to bed, but I wouldnt let myself do that. I kept moving, kept walking down the corridor towards the part of the ward that I hadnt explored, passing countless unmarked doors. I didnt know where they led or what hid behind them, but I didnt want to know. I was too scared to open them. The corridor was too quiet, anyway. It didnt sound like there was anything behind the doors. I couldnt hear voices or even the soft breath of someone sleeping. There was nothing except the continued buzz of electricity, and that realisation made my chest clench. There should have been something. Voices or whispers. There were none. The ward was empty. There were no other patients, nurses or doctors. It was just me. Why? That didnt make any sense to me. There should have been someone. It was a hospital. I wouldnt have the entire ward to myself, but I did, and that made me uneasy. There had to be something else going on. It couldnt just be a normal hospital. Why were they keeping me there? And why was my mom okay with it? Surely, Id spoken to her at some point since Id gone into the hospital. They said that I would. Id be able to call her often, Id been told. She must know how badly I was doing, but she hadnt done anything about it. She hadnt come to collect me or even asked the doctors anything. I couldnt remember talking to her, but she would have done something if she couldnt get through to me, wouldnt she? She wouldnt have just left me to rot in the hospital. My dad wouldnt, at least. He would be too worried about me; he always is. Even when I was in Scotland with my mom, hed text me just to make sure that I was alright and that Mom wasnt treating me too badly. He wouldnt just leave me in the hospital and not even call. But then why hadnt he? I couldnt remember him trying to speak to me at all since Id been taken to the hospital. Did he even know where I was? But even before I went to the hospital, I couldnt remember when the last time I spoke to him was, and that made fear grow in my heart. I needed to get out. I needed to get out of the hospital and find him. I had to make sure he was okay. My steps slowed as I reached the end of the corridor, and I listened carefully, trying to pick up any sound. There was nothing, though. No footsteps or voices. Nothing to indicate that people were coming. My legs were weak and shaky, and I longed to stay where I was for a little while longer. Just long enough to regain my strength, but I knew that wouldnt happen. I was too far gone. Rest wouldnt help me feel better. I wasnt sure what would. I peered around the corner, eyeing the hallway. It looked exactly the same as the one I had just walked down. Pastel blue walls, cream floors, unmarked doors, and evenly spaced cameras covered by a plastic dome so that no one could rip them from the wall. Not that Id be able to, I realised as I stared at the closest one that was just out of my reach. It was a little too high on the wall, but it was focused on me. I knew it was. Why? Why were there so many cameras? They had been everywhere. Everywhere I went in the ward, I felt the cold touch of the cameras staring at me, but I just didnt understand why. Was it for my safety? To make sure that I didnt get hurt? How could I hurt myself? I was in a hospital. There was nothing there I could use. But then, why? Was it to scare me? So Id stay in my room like a good girl, too afraid of leaving because theyd know immediately. Well, that didnt work. Id left. Id walked out of my room, and they didnt even seem to know. I glanced up and down the corridor again before taking a step towards the wall with the camera on, unable to stop myself. I peered up at it, seeing my own eyes reflected back, distorted by the plastic covering. I wasnt the only person looking at myself. I dont know how I could tell, but I could. There was someone. Someone else. They were sitting behind the screen and watching me. Theyd been watching my entire escape attempt. I could feel it. But why? Why would they just sit there and watch without doing anything or trying to stop me? They must have been waiting for something. They were waiting for something to happen. It was the only thing that made sense to me because why else would they be watching if they didnt think something was going to happen? Why would they have run all of those tests on me? Unless thats exactly why I was there. Why they hadnt sent anyone in to find me and take me back to my room. That was a test too. Theyd trapped me like a rat in a maze and were waiting to see what Id do. My hands began to tremble. Everything that had happened since I had been brought to the hospital, since I had willingly walked in, was nothing more than a test. An experiment. I was the thing they were studying. Thats all I was to them. A lab rat. Something they could poke and prod and do what they liked to because no one cared when it died. Was I even in a hospital at all? Or was it nothing more than a facade? If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. I needed to leave. I had to find a way out. Ripping my eyes away from the camera, I started to move again. My heart pounded loudly in my ears, and my steps were quicker. They were unsteady, and I had to trail a hand against the wall for support. There were too many doors, though, and every single one that I passed scared me. Anything could be behind them. Scientists, doctors, or worse. I wasnt sure what was worse than that, but my mind promised that there was something. A monster. Something that could rip me apart, piece by piece. But maybe that would be better. At least then I would be free. I reached the end of another corridor and stared blankly at the empty corridors before me. I had to turn. Left or right. Both directions looked exactly the same, though. There was nothing that hinted at which way was the right way to go. Left. I had to go left. If I kept my left hand on the wall and always turned left, Id find my way out. It was the best way to get out of a maze. Then, even if I got to a dead end, I could keep going. I wouldnt get turned around or lost. I could systematically check every option until I found the exit. I wasnt sure where that thought came from, but I listened to it, turning left and continuing to lean on the left wall. My breathing had become heavier. I was out of breath, almost panting. There was a sharp pain in my side, but nothing fixed it, and I couldnt let myself stop and recover. There was no time. I needed to get as far away from the lab as possible before anyone came for me. I had to find another door or an emergency exit or something. There had to be an emergency exit, right? Everywhere had to have them, didnt they? I reached the end of the corridor and turned again, finding myself in a much shorter hallway. The cameras seemed slightly further apart there, but I wasnt sure if that was intentional or not. Or maybe they werent spaced any differently from the previous corridor. Maybe I was just grasping at straws. My steps became slower again as I approached the dead end. There was a door on the right wall, but that was it. There was nothing else, no markings or anything to show me which way to go. I started to turn, my disappointment almost crushing before freezing. Something caught my attention. I wasnt quite sure what at first; my mind was working too slowly. There was something about the door that seemed wrong. A scuff. There was a mark on the door, near the bottom. It looked like it had been nudged or kicked open before, and that was a good sign. It meant someone had gone through it recently. I tried to smother the hope that I felt building within me, scared that I would open the door and there would be nothing behind it. Or worse. It might be another locked door. But that was fine. If it was locked, I could find a way to open it. Maybe there would be a card lying around somewhere, or it might be sealed with a number lock. That would be fine. I could probably guess the code. My hand shook as I reached out towards the handle, scared yet excited. My palms were slick, and the metal was cool to the touch. I had just closed my fingers around the strangely shaped metal when a mechanical buzz came from the other side of the door. I leapt back, my heart in my throat. Someone was coming. There was a way out of the ward behind that door, and someone was coming through it. They were coming to find me. I needed to run, get away from them and then make a break for the door. I started to move back down the corridor as quickly as I could, the stitch in my side burning with renewed vigour. I just needed to get to the end of the corridor, and then I could turn and try some of the doors. Hopefully, one of them would be unlocked, and I could hide in there until the person had gone past. But if they were watching me through the camera, theyd know where I was. They would know exactly which room I was cowering in, and theyd be able to find me too easily. Theyd drag me back to my room, probably drug me again, and then Id be trapped forever. I just had to hope. I had to hope that I could get away from the person. Maybe they werent watching me. Or they might not have an earpiece. They might go straight past the room I was hiding in and go to my bedroom, expecting to find me there. That would be good. It would give me more time to escape. Delusional. I knew that I was being delusional, but it didnt really matter. I had to cling to it as I rushed around the corner, getting there just in time. I heard the door open behind me, the soft whistle of the nurse, of Andrew, as he sauntered onto the ward. He was the one who was following me. I broke into a run, fear spurring me on. He terrified me. He was too strong, too cold. He would have no problem dragging me away. I grabbed at the nearest door handle, tugging as hard as I could, but nothing happened. The door didnt even budge. It was locked. I couldnt wait. I had to try another. Racing to the next door, I pulled at the handle, but nothing happened again. Hopelessness started to build in me as I tried more and more doors. Tears burned in my eyes, blinding me, as I took off running again. The next corridor. Thats where I had to go. There had to be a door there that was open. Just one that they forgot to lock. He was still behind me. I could hear Andrews footsteps and carefree whistle over my gasping breaths and sobs. He wasnt even running. He wasnt hurrying to catch up with me. It was like he knew that I was trapped, and he was enjoying it too much. It was a game of cat and mouse. He was making me think I could escape his claws, but I couldnt. I had to try. I had to keep trying. My foot caught on the sticky vinyl, unable to lift any higher, and I tipped forward. Pain exploded in my wrists, ricocheting through my forearms as I slammed into the ground hard. A gasp escaped my lips, and tears streamed down my face, making the world a hazy white blur, but I needed to keep moving. I dragged myself onwards, crawling as fast as I could. Each time my hands hit the ground, the pain shot through me, making me even more breathless. The world was foggy. It spun, feeling strangely similar to how I felt when I was going to a new world, but there was something different about it. It felt sharper. I could still feel my body. It wasnt fading away. I was tethered, anchored to the world and unable to escape the pain and terror that thrummed within me as the footsteps drew even closer. That was it. Andrew had almost reached me, and then it would all be over. I was going to be drugged back into oblivion, and they were going to continue running endless tests on me that I still didnt even understand. It was the end. The world was going to be cut off from me. I wouldnt be able to go back to it ever, just like Mitchs world, but it wasnt my choice that time. It was someone else. Someone else was pulling the strings again, and I couldnt let that happen. I couldnt leave myself there, unable to fight or do anything. I wanted more. I wanted to fight. The footsteps stopped, far too close to me, and I waited for the inevitable sting of the needle piercing my neck that Id felt too many times before but couldnt recall at all. Another sob forced its way out of my lips, but I wouldnt do it. I couldnt give up. Something in my heart shattered. A noise escaped my mouth before I could stop it. Rex! I screamed. I dont know why I screamed the word or what I thought would happen, but nothing did. The echo of my shout died out, leaving the corridor silent again until Andrew stepped closer. Grace? I heard him say. His tone was soft and careful, but there was an edge to it. I could hear something beneath the surface. He was tired, maybe. Angry. Was he angry at me for trying to escape? It didnt matter. I forced myself to stand, my legs shaking so hard that I had to lean on the wall for support as I turned to face him. He was watching me. His expression was too carefully constructed, though. It looked like he was trying very hard to seem concerned, but he wasnt succeeding. There was a smile pulling at his lips. A slight smirk. He wasnt angry at me. That wasnt what the edge to his voice was. He was trying not to laugh at me. He found me crawling on the floor and trying to get away from him and the other scientists funny. Grace, he repeated, stepping forwards. What are you doing out here? Why arent you in your room? I moved back, sliding along the wall and trying to keep my distance from him. I didnt want to allow him to get close enough to force pills into my mouth or inject me with something. It had happened before. The memory was there, somewhere deep within my mind. I had tried to escape before, but I couldnt remember it. I couldnt remember anything about it. Why am I here? I asked, my voice rough and hoarse from disuse. How long had it been since I spoke last? A smile appeared on Andrews face, and he cocked his head to the side. What do you mean? he asked, his tone too innocent. What are you doing to me? He stepped forward again, and I backed away, feeling the hard door frame bumping against my bones. We just want to keep you safe, he said. Hed said that before. Not just him. The others had too. The doctor and the other one. The other nurse. Shed said that to me. I dont believe you. His smile grew even wider, and he opened his mouth to speak before a noise split the air. A siren. There was an alarm going off somewhere in the distance. Andrew looked away, turning his head to the side. Whats going on out there? I heard him mutter. He wasnt talking to me. There was someone else. Someone on the end of the earpiece. I took another step back, taking advantage of the fact that he wasnt paying any attention to me. They must have replied, whoever it was, because I saw Andrews eyes widen. He looked back at me as a scream echoed faintly through the corridor. What did you do? he asked. I dont know where the feeling came from, but something started to grow in my stomach. A warmth. Happiness, maybe. No. It was stronger than happiness. It was victory. What do you mean? I asked, copying his words and his innocent tone as another scream, louder that time, sounded. Andrew looked over his shoulder, his expression fearful. He looked back at me, his mouth opening to speak. A bang sounded, and dizziness rushed for me. Nausea slammed into me as I span, darkness shrouding my vision until suddenly, it cleared. My body tensed, preparing to fight Andrew or whoever it was that had just attacked me, but I wasnt there. I wasnt in that world any more. Are you planning to spend all day in bed? a voice demanded. Were leaving first thing tomorrow. You need to pack and tidy this room. I dont know how youve managed to make it such a pigsty. Weve been here a month! Mom. It was my mom. She was marching across the room towards the curtains, the bedroom door open behind her. That must have been the noise Id heard that ripped me out of the other world. I was home. Well, at my grandparents house, but that was better than being locked in a hospital or laboratory somewhere in another world. What time is it? I asked groggily as I sat up. 3.21 There were no parties or anything... My mom didnt respond. She just sighed heavily and pulled the curtains open, filling the room with blinding light. I tried not to recoil away from the brightness too violently, but it was hard. My mind was still reeling from everything that had happened and being pulled back into the world too quickly. Dizziness pulled at me, making me want to sink back onto the bed and shut my eyes, but my mom had turned around again and was staring at me. She was looking at me with a mixture of irritation and suspicion, and I couldnt quite work out why. I hadnt done anything that bad. Nothing that I was aware of, anyway. Unless I had. She still hadnt answered my question, so maybe Id been asleep for hours. Maybe it was already the afternoon. That would have annoyed her. Id gone to bed early the night before. She would definitely suspect something was up if I had a lie in as well. There was no way that shed believe me if I told her it was nothing, and I definitely couldnt tell her the truth. The other world Id been to scared me too much. I knew that I hadnt told anyone the truth about what I could do there. Not really. I had started to. I could vaguely remember telling one of the doctors, I wasnt sure which one, that sometimes it felt like I went somewhere else in my mind. Not to another world; I hadnt been brave enough to mention that. Maybe they knew, though. I could remember bits and pieces of their questions. Maybe we spoke about it? Its already ten! my mom told me, finally answering my question. Ive already been awake for four hours, and youve wasted your morning! Honestly! Confusion washed over me, and I started to reach for my phone. Could it really only be ten in the morning? That didnt feel right. My dream had felt so long, but the numbers on my phone couldnt lie. Id only slept for a few more hours after the first time Id woken up. It felt like much longer, but I couldnt quite tell. That world already felt more distant than it had moments before. It was slowly slipping away from me, becoming harder and harder to grasp. But I wanted to go back. Part of me did, at least. I wanted to go back and find out what had happened. Why had I shouted for Rex? Who was that? Were they the reason that Andrew looked so scared? Did they do something? I didnt know, but maybe it was for the best. That world scared me. There was something about it that felt wrong, and I knew I shouldnt go back there. I had to focus on the world I was in. On my reality. Where my mom was still looking at me. She was waiting for me to say something, and I quickly replayed what she had said in my head. Shed told me I was wasting my morning, and that was stupid. Irritation fizzed up inside of me, and I was filled with the urge to ask her what she had done with her morning that had been so productive. It wasnt worth it. I knew that. She would just get annoyed at me or make something up. Shed probably say that shed finished a book, tidied the house and more, most likely all lies. I pushed the urge aside, forcing myself to ignore it. I guess I was really tired, I said lamely. My moms eyes narrowed. You fell asleep before dinner last night, she remarked. She was right. I needed an explanation or an excuse. Yeah, I was exhausted. Maybe Im coming down with a cold or something, I lied blithely. I was tired, but it had nothing to do with me being ill. I didnt think it did, anyway. I felt fine. It was probably just the anxiety or adrenaline that Id felt the night before. That had filled me with energy and left me empty when I fell back into my bed. My mom sniffed and looked around my room, a disgusted look coming over her face. Im not surprised youre getting ill. Thats what happens when you dont look after yourself. I mean, just look at your room. Its a state. I dont know how you managed to make it so messy, she said. Shed already said that. Shed told me it looked like a pigsty when shed first come into my room, but obviously, I didnt react how she wanted me to, so she felt the need to repeat it. I glanced around my room. It wasnt particularly tidy, to give her some credit. My clothes were strewn around the floor, and my makeup was scattered across the desk and space in front of the mirror. It wasnt entirely my fault, though, and I kind of wanted to point that out to her. It had been much tidier before she had searched it, and she had barely bothered to put everything back where she had found it. She didnt, though. And I wasnt surprised. She never did after she looked through my stuff. I opened my mouth to tell her that before shutting it again. I couldnt say it. It would just start a fight, and our time in Scotland was almost over. Soon, Id be back home. Then Id be able to get some space and not be around her as much. Shed go back to drinking constantly, and Id be able to stay at Phoebes when she got back from France, but before that, Id get to see Duncan. My heart squeezed in a mixture of anxiety and excitement, but I made sure to keep my expression neutral. Im going to tidy it today when I pack, I said in a calm and pleasant tone. Frustration flashed across Moms face, and I had to fight to keep the smug satisfaction from my lips. She wanted me to bite. I could see that she wanted me to be hurt or annoyed by what she had said, but I wasnt, and that annoyed her. She wanted us to fight. She wanted to shout at me or call me names, but I was giving her nothing. I was a little bit proud of that, but I also felt bad, in a way. I didnt like how smug I was feeling. It didnt feel right. Good. You might want to get up now then. Im going out for lunch in an hour or so, and youll need as much time as possible to fix your hair if you want to come with, she said, gesturing towards it dismissively. It looks like youve just completely given up. She sighed heavily, and I reached towards my hair before I could stop myself, seeing a smirk appear on my moms face. It did feel a bit knotted, but that made sense. Id fallen asleep pretty much straight after my shower and hadnt had a chance to brush it out. It was probably a mess, but I doubted it was as bad as she made it sound. I forced myself to lower my hand and shrug. Okay, was all I said instead. Where are you planning to go? I dont remember the name, she said. The cafe in the next town over. Its the only place anywhere nearby that can make a decent espresso. Mmm, I replied. I had no clue where she was talking about. There wasnt a single place anywhere nearby that Mom didnt find something to complain about. Id lost track of which ones she complained about more and which she said were almost acceptable. Mom continued to look at me expectantly, and I stared back, unsure what else to say. Surely, she couldnt be waiting for a better response. It didnt warrant one. Well? Mom demanded after a few seconds. What? I asked uncertainly. Why arent you getting up yet? she asked, gesturing toward me for emphasis. We dont have all day, and Mom and Dad will probably want to go out for dinner when they get back tonight, so you cant leave your packing to the last second like you always do! I never really did that, but it didnt matter. Mom had already swept out of the room, leaving the door open behind her. I watched her go as I started to climb out of bed, a strange sadness building in my stomach. It wasnt because of what shed said or how she treated me. I was sad for her. She genuinely believed that her parents were going to come back; I could tell that she did, and I hated it. Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. They never did. It happened every year, but she always thought it would be different. It never was. My grandparents were sick of spending time with us and of us being there. They werent subtle about it. I was pretty sure that even my mom saw it, despite how hard she tried to pretend that they wanted us there. That was why they left to go to their other house, but every single time, they told us that theyd come back to wave us off. They always said that, and they never did it. Not even once. It used to really upset me. I used to be just as hopeful as my mom and jump every time I heard a car on the road at the end of their drive, hoping that it was them. But it never was. Mom sometimes got angry and lashed out. Shed say that it was my fault, that I had done something to upset them or disappoint them. The reason always changed. Sometimes, shed say that I wasnt respectful enough or that Id been rude to them somehow. Other times, shed say that I was unpleasant to be around, but mostly, she was just in denial. I think that was worse than when she lashed out. She was always so worried. Shed say that they were probably stuck in traffic, or maybe their car wasnt working. It was old. The engine wasnt always very reliable. Every time, shed be on her phone constantly, checking traffic reports and news sites to make sure they hadnt gotten into an accident and phoning them over and over again. They answered sometimes. Her dad normally just turned off his phone, but my grandmother wouldnt. Shed let the phone ring until she got annoyed by it, and then shed answer, but I wish she wouldnt. It was worse when she did. If my mom didnt know, if she didnt know how little they cared for her, it would have been better than having to hear her mom give flimsy and clearly half-hearted excuses. It was never anything good, and in a way, I think it would have just been better for her to say they didnt want to see us. That was why they didnt come back. They just didnt really want to be around us, which kind of made me sad to think about, but I was used to it. Mom wasnt, though. She still lived in the hope of making them proud, I think. I think she believed that if she did something right, if she finally managed to achieve something, theyd love her. Maybe they did love her, I considered as I started to brush the knots out of my hair. They probably did in their own way, but it wasnt right. It wasnt normal love, like the way Phoebes mom loved her or the way my dad did. It was fleeting. Conditional. They only showed any kind of positive emotions towards her when she did something that made them proud, like I couldnt think of any examples, but I was sure that it had happened before. At least once, anyway. The rest of the time, they just seemed to tolerate her, and me by extension, but maybe they didnt even do that. They always spent as little time as possible with us when we were in Scotland, and they basically ignored Moms calls the rest of the time. They picked up sometimes, but that was painful to listen to. She tried so hard with them. She always did. Mom would talk so much, telling them everything about what was happening in her life and mine, and shed just get one-word answers back. Theyd always be doing something else when she called, too. Sometimes, it would be so clear that they werent listening. Id heard them watching television before when Mom was talking to them. It must have been worse when she was younger, though. Id never really thought about it too much before, but I couldnt stop. Her parents loved her brothers more. Or they put up with them more. They still treated them badly and were dismissive, of course, but they were slightly less bad. It must have been horrible for Mom to see that and then be treated differently. Maybe that was why she was the way she was. Youre making it worse, Mom snapped, appearing in the doorway again and making me jump. Oh, yeah, I muttered, glancing at my reflection, realising just how right she was. My hair had become even more frizzy than it normally was. I needed to straighten it or something to fix it, but I wasnt sure that it would be enough. Maybe I needed to do something more, like have a shower or just wet it. That would fix it, but then Id need to blow dry it, and Mom was already getting annoyed by how long I was taking. If I had a shower, it would be worse. A loud sigh came from the door as she stomped away, and I looked back at my reflection, trying to work out what to do. Straightening it would be enough, I decided. And if it wasnt I could have a shower or just dunk my hair under the tap. It would take longer, but that didnt really matter. I could pack quickly, and I knew that Id have time to do it in the evening. We wouldnt go out for dinner. Mom never liked to in case her parents showed up at the house, and we werent there. That might be enough to make them turn around and drive back to the other house, apparently. I didnt believe it, but it didnt matter. There was nothing I could say to change her mind, not that I really tried. I switched my straighteners on and reached for my heat protection spray, my mind falling quiet. It didnt last long, though. Within seconds, boredom started to grow within me. I was too used to my other worlds, to being able to disappear away to somewhere else the moment I got bored of being in reality, but for once, I hesitated. I think I was scared. There was something holding me back and making me reluctant to do it. I didnt know where Id end up. I think that was the main thing that was stopping me. Even if I wanted to go somewhere I knew I was safe, I wasnt sure that Id get there. There were too many other places, too many other options that pulled at me. I could go anywhere and be anything, but I didnt want to. Too many places were scary. Even the ones that should have been safe werent, like the hospital. If it even was a hospital. I was pretty sure it wasnt. It couldnt have been; there was no one else there. But then why was I? Why did they take me there, and why were they running so many tests on me? What were they hoping to find? Or maybe they werent hoping to find anything. Perhaps they had done something to me. Injected me with something, some new drug or something else. No. I pushed that thought aside, focusing on my hair as the straightener came dangerously close to my ear. They hadnt done anything to me. Id just watched too many superhero movies. It was classic evil villain behaviour, but I hadnt done anything to upset anyone, and I didnt exactly have any superpowers. Maybe in one of the worlds, I did, though. Maybe there was a world where I could fly into the air without wings like that other world Id been in. Or perhaps I could shoot lasers from my eyes or lift a building. That would be awesome. I started reaching out, my excitement overpowering my fear for just a moment, but as soon as I felt the dizziness pulling at me, I recoiled away. I couldnt do it. I couldnt risk going to another world where I was going to be experimented on or tortured or worse. Id stay in my world where I knew I was safe. The thought of staying there filled me with restlessness, though. I longed to run as far away as possible, but even that wouldnt be enough. I couldnt do it. I couldnt stay in just one world. It wasnt enough for me. I needed more. I could stick to the worlds I already knew, I thought as I frowned at my appearance. That had to be safe, right? Id been in the spy world for long enough to know that it was okay there. No one was going to attack me or kill me. The opposite, really. They were training me to be strong, to be able to attack others if I needed to. That was useful. It would be useful to me. I had to be able to go back there. I wasnt ready to say goodbye to them. To Katie, Abbie, Seth, Scott and the others. I didnt want to just walk away from them and not look back. It would be too hard. They were right there in my head. All it would take to see them again was just a thought. I could just think of them, and A laugh slipped out of my lips, and I had to tighten my grip on my cup as dizziness washed over me. It took me a few seconds to work out where I was, and my heart leapt in happiness. It shouldnt have. I should have been stronger, but I was so glad to be back. I know, I know, Seth said with a chuckle. But I maintain that it wasnt my fault! How could that not be your fault? Katie demanded, still giggling. Seth pressed his lips together hard as he tried to come up with an answer, and I couldnt help but laugh. He was ridiculous, and I liked it. I didnt know that the window would break, he said, but it sounded more like a question. You crashed a golf buggy into it! I cried, having to put my drink down so that I didnt spill it as I continued to laugh. I didnt mean to! Seth shot back, but there was a smile on his face. The steering was nowhere near as good as I thought it would be! I snorted and looked down at the table in front of me. We were in the dining room clearly, but I couldnt work out what meal it was. Lunch, maybe. It felt like it was lunchtime, but I wasnt sure what I was basing that on. Thats a rookie error, a voice said from behind us, and I turned to see Rodgers standing behind Seth and me. Always check how responsive your golf carts steering is before you try and do anything ridiculous like drive it up a flight of stairs or through a building. It was clear from his tone that he was fighting the urge to laugh. He was barely hiding the grin on his face. I didnt know I was going to drive it through a building, Seth replied, his cheeks turning red. I took the wrong turn and panicked. Easy to do, Rodgers told him. But dangerous, too. Your driving instructor will tell you all about that, and youll have lessons on what to do in emergencies so you dont panic again. Yes, sir, Seth muttered, looking down. Not just you, Rodgers added. And please dont call me sir. It makes me sound like a teacher or something horrible. He shuddered. But you are a teacher, Abbie pointed out. I know, he said darkly, but a smile pulled at his lips. But I didnt come here to be reminded of my mistakes. I came to check up on everyone and make sure youre all still here and alive. Were all good, Katie said with a slight grin, her eyes darting towards Scott, who immediately blushed and looked away. Great, Rodgers said before looking around the room. Are we missing people? Nina, where are your roommates? The girl jumped and looked up at Rodgers. Oh, theyre still in bed, she said quickly. It was a late night. Not that anything happened There were no parties or anything She trailed off, her cheeks flushing as Rodgers laughed. Great. Im so glad to hear that. 3.22 Only one more day! Awkwardness filled the room, but Rodgers didnt seem to notice. If anything, his grin stretched even wider. Well, he said after a long pause, I just came by to make sure that everyones alright after such a long and busy week. Hows everyone feeling? Good, I murmured along with some of the others. Um, Abbie started. I have a question. Go on, Rodgers said with a slight nod. Well now that everyone has their specialisms, that means well be starting classes properly, right? Excitement sparked within me, and I looked up at Rodgers, waiting to hear what he was going to say. I really wanted to be starting my classes. It wasnt that I hadnt enjoyed it up until that point, but the idea of beginning to study more specialised subjects pulled at me. I wanted to know what Id be doing and to learn everything immediately. You will, Rodgers said, and I felt myself grin. When? Katie asked before adding, I mean, will we be starting on Monday? Mmmm, Im not sure, actually, Rodgers said, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. Normally, youd have your new timetables by now. I think they like to include them in the packs youre given when youre assigned your specialism, but its taken a little longer to sort out this year. His eyes darted to me for a brief second before returning to Katie, who was nodding. Confusion washed through me. Was it my fault? It must have been. My meeting was last, and it made sense that it could have been delaying things. Maybe they were waiting to work out what they wanted to do with me and whether they were going to assign me a specialism or not. That could impact it. I was pretty sure Rodgers and Ms Brice had said Id be doing all of the classes, and that probably meant they had to organise it differently to make sure there was no overlap. Why? I heard someone ask, and I blinked before focusing on Rodgers again. Its a difficult thing to manage, he said with a shrug, his eyes staying fixed on Nina, whod asked the question. I mean, not everyone will be studying every subject. A lot of the subjects are universal and contain important information for everyone to know, regardless of their career path, but some can be studied at a lower intensity. Like what? Scott asked. Well, take physical fitness or self-defence. Everyone should maintain a good level of fitness and be able to defend themselves, but its more important for a field officer, so theyll have more classes each week than someone who probably wont be going on assignment, Rodgers explained. That makes sense. Whats it going to be like? I blurted out before realising my question didnt really make sense. I mean, what are the new schedules like? That was phrased a bit better, but it still didnt feel good enough. A blush started to creep over my cheeks, but Rodgers didnt seem to notice. Well, itll be a bit different for everyone, depending on specialisms and current level of knowledge, but itll be fairly similar to your current schedules. Youll have class every weekday from nine until four or five thirty, with a couple of breaks and maybe a free period or two throughout the day, depending on how many classes youre taking, he explained. Why are some people taking more? someone at the other end of the table asked. I felt myself tense. Everyone must have known by then that I hadnt been given a specialism. I knew that people were listening in when I was talking to the others about it, but maybe they just wanted to hear Rodgers say it. Or maybe there was another reason. Well, there are a few different reasons, but one of the main ones is your current level of understanding. For those of you who are a little further behind in certain subjects, you might have more classes or private tuition. That sounds like a long day, Nina murmured. It will be, Rodgers agreed. But its nothing that you cant handle. Youve been doing long days since you got here, after all. Its only an hour more than youre currently doing, and everythings analysed constantly, so if you start to fall behind or if it becomes too much, itll be changed. Really? Katie asked, her tone shocked. I was just as surprised as she was. It didnt seem right. I thought theyd be trying to push us. Of course, Rodgers said. Youre here to learn and thrive. That cant happen if youre overwhelmed or struggling. If any of you do start to find it hard to cope, you can just speak to me or any of the tutors, and we can get it changed. His smile was kind, but I wasnt quite sure. I trusted him, but even if I was completely drowning in schoolwork and completely overwhelmed with it, I knew that I wouldnt tell anyone. It would be better to deal with it by myself than to tell anyone and have them think that I might not be well suited to the Academy. They might think that I couldnt handle it or needed to be assigned a specialism, and then I wouldnt be able to study everything. That wasnt exactly the end of the world. I was going to have to choose at some point, and then my classes would be changed, but I didnt want it to happen. Not yet, at least. Not before I had the chance to experience them properly. They seemed too fun and interesting for me to miss. Any other questions? Rodgers asked, looking around at us. No? Okay, great! Ill be in my classroom sorting out some paperwork for the next few hours if anyone does need anything. He smiled at us again before turning and walking towards the door. Wait! Abbie called, causing him to turn around. Umm I was wondering if you could help with something. Ill try my best, Rodgers said with a smile as he came back towards us. Whats up? So I was wondering about observations. The class, she clarified. I realised that me and some of the others are really bad at it, and we wanted to start working on it before the classes start, but I dont know how. Rodgers nodded thoughtfully. Ah, thats an important and somewhat difficult thing to work on, he said. It is? Abbie asked, her tone panicked. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach. I hadnt even considered that it would be hard to be better at observations until that moment, and it worried me. What if I was so bad they kicked me out of the Academy? Yes, but its definitely possible to improve, Rodgers reassured her. Thats why they focus on it so heavily during the initial training periods. Okay, Abbie said, nodding to herself. So where do we start? Is there a textbook or something I can read? Rodgers cocked his head to the side, thinking about it. There is, he said slowly, but actually, theres better. If you log onto the computers in the library, theres a whole collection of mini-classes, and Im sure some of them focus on observation skills. They do? Katie asked. Yeah, I think so, at least, Rodgers said. Let me have a quick look. I watched nervously as he pulled out his phone and began scrolling through it. Id seen the classes on the computers and had completed a few, too, but I didnt think Id noticed any on observations. But then, I might have just been too distracted by the other, much more interesting-sounding ones. It was hard to want to look at boring classes when options like poison were also there. Is it there? Abbie asked, staring at Rodgers phone and clearly wishing she could stand up and have a look too. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. Mmmm oh, there it is! Its in one of the sub-folders, he said, his eyes still fixed on his phone. Why was it put there? Ill move it out and put it on the main page for you. Oh, thank you! Thats alright. There are quite a few different options there for you to have a look at. Most of them focus on things like how people act, both those who are trained and untrained, when they want to be unnoticed and some other similar topics, but theyre a good place to start, he told Abbie. Fantastic! she replied eagerly. Thank you, Katie added with a relieved smile. No worries, Rodgers said, looking around at the rest of us. Any other questions? There was a pause before I saw Scott open his mouth. Dizziness rushed over me, and his question came out distorted. I couldnt quite work out what he was saying or what it meant before the world faded away. I was sitting on the floor and staring at my reflection. I blinked a few times before looking around, trying to work out what had pulled me out of that world. Nothing. I didnt think there was anything, anyway. There was nothing obvious that could have pulled me back that I could see. I was just sitting on the floor in my uncles old bedroom at my grandparents house, straightening my hair. It was exactly what I was doing when Id left the world. My eyes found the hair straighteners in my hand. They were still on. Id been straightening my hair on autopilot, not even paying attention to what I was doing. That was so stupid of me. I could have burnt myself or fried my hair without even noticing. I scanned my face carefully, searching for any marks or burns, but there were none. It didnt hurt at all, which was good, but panic started to build in my hair as my gaze moved to the floor. I half expected there to be a clump of singed hair just sitting there, smoking lightly, but there was nothing on the floor. Well, there was. My hairbrush was right in front of me, and my clothes were scattered around, but there was no hair. Even so, I was still worried. I switched my straighteners off quickly and dropped them on the heat-resistant mat before pulling my hair over my shoulders. My fingers combed through my hair frantically, searching for a burnt lump or something that felt wrong, but surprise started to build within me instead. My hair wasnt damaged at all. In fact, it looked great. It was shiny and perfectly straight, much straighter than normal. Usually, Id get bored halfway through doing it, and one side would always end up looking better because Id start to rush or just give up, but that hadnt happened. I turned my head slowly, pulling my hair over one shoulder and staring at it. I was impressed. Somehow, despite not paying any attention to it or even being in the world, it looked perfect. I couldnt help but toss it back, admiring the way it moved and shone in the sunlight streaming through my open curtains. A smile appeared on my face as I started to stand, stretching slightly before looking around my room. I needed to get ready for lunch and start packing, but I wasnt sure where to start. Indecision built within me before my eyes fell on my bedroom door, and I felt my eyebrows pull together as I thought. I hadnt brushed my teeth or gone to the bathroom. I normally did that first thing in the morning, but I hadnt. It didnt even cross my mind. I just got straight up and started doing my hair, and that felt wrong. Mom had distracted me too much. Shed been rushing me, and I didnt even think of it. That made me feel stupid, but I stepped towards the door before pausing. I listened carefully, trying to work out where my mom was. Shed walked away from her room before, probably going towards the kitchen, but I wasnt certain. It wouldnt have surprised me if she was waiting in the corridor to jump out at me, sure that I was wasting time or doing something I shouldnt be. I couldnt hear her out there, though. I strained my ears, listening as hard as I could. There was a faint noise from somewhere in the distance. A quiet squealing of a chair being pulled across the tile floor. She was in the kitchen. Relief washed through me, and I stepped out into the hallway before another thought hit me. It was either her or someone had broken into the house. My step faltered, and I paused, holding my breath as I listened. I was being ridiculous. It was just a stupid fear, and it wasnt real. No one had broken into the house. Why would they? I pushed the thought from my mind with a shake of my head, trying to ignore the anxiety that bubbled in my stomach as I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I needed to stop thinking about that, I told myself as I sat down on the toilet. It was making me paranoid, and there was no need for it. No one was watching me, and even if they were, they wouldnt want to break into my grandparents house. There was a lot of art and probably pretty expensive things there, but also we were there. If they were planning on stealing anything, theyd probably wait until wed left. The house was empty for the majority of the year, with just the gardener and housekeeper on the grounds, but they werent there all the time. If they just waited another day or two, it would be easier for them. The thought made me feel a bit better, but I still glanced out the window and scanned the grounds as I stood up and washed my hands. Where did Rodgers say it was? I heard Abbie ask faintly as I started to brush my teeth. The other world hovered at the edge of my mind. I could feel my mouth opening to answer her, but I didnt want to go completely. Part of me wanted to stay in reality, and I wasnt sure why. Maybe it was just anxiety continuing to pull at me, but the appeal to go back wasnt quite as strong. I was content to just watch, not fully experiencing it, as Abbie searched through the mini-classes on the computer for the observation section. I did want to watch the videos, though. It was a really useful skill; I knew that, and Rodgers had said it, too. It would probably be helpful in real life, too, and I could feel Seth sitting right next to me. That made me happy but also nervous. I wanted to say something about what had happened the night before. About our kiss. And I wanted to kiss him again. I really did, but I had no clue how to do it or even what to say. I was worried too, though. What if I did try and say something to him about it and he completely dismissed me? What if he regretted kissing me, or only did it because he was dared to? My face started to burn, and I pulled myself away from the world, looking around my room. It was a mess, and I knew that I needed to pack, but I didnt want to. I had loads of time. Ages. We werent going to be leaving until the afternoon or evening, I knew that. There would be nothing for me to do all day except just wait for my grandparents to show up, but they never would. It would be a full day of sitting there, doing nothing and being on edge because my mom would be in a terrible mood. I knew that I could spend the time packing, and then I could just get ready for lunch without having to rush to do everything. The idea was tempting, but it wasnt worth it. If my mom saw that I hadnt even started to sort out my room before we went out, or if she came to check on me and I was doing something else, she would get annoyed at me. She would already be in a worse mood than normal and more likely to shout at me. I didnt want to add to it or do anything that might trigger her, which meant I just had to pack. I couldnt put it off. A sigh slipped out of my lips as I looked around my room again. It felt like a big task, and I didnt want to do it. It wasnt so bad before, but after my mom had searched my room, it felt worse. Everything was scattered about. There was no order, no organisation. It had been kind of messy before, but it was nowhere near as bad. But it didnt really make that much of a difference, I tried to tell myself. Id need to empty out my suitcases to repack them anyway, so, if anything, she kind of helped by messing it up. It was an obvious lie, and it felt flat, but I clung to it as I moved some clothes out of the centre of the room with my foot. I dragged my suitcases into the empty space before stopping. Actually, I realised, it made more sense to get dressed first. Mom said shed be going out in about an hour or so, but she could easily change her mind. She might get hungry or bored or just want to leave earlier. I needed to be ready, just in case. Looking down at the clothes littered around my room, I chewed on my lip before stepping towards the wardrobe. There were a few dresses in there that I hadnt worn yet. Id barely paid attention to anything when I was packing, and that meant that Id brought too many. That was good, though. It would be better to wear a dress; that would annoy Mom less. She preferred me to wear a dress instead of leggings or jeans. She said jeans made me look like a boy, and leggings made me look slobbish, and that made me want to wear them even more. Stubbornness built within me as I stared into the wardrobe, my eyes fixed on one of the dresses. I did want to wear it, but part of me wanted to go against my mom. It was stupid, though. A bad idea that I had to ignore. I grabbed the dress and pulled it off the hanger, feeling a slight flare of disappointment in myself. It was easy to dismiss when I saw the dress, though. Id bought it last year, but hadnt worn it since for some reason. It might have been one of the ones that had fallen to the bottom of my wardrobe, and Id forgotten about. It was pretty, though, I thought as I pulled it over my head. My eyes found my reflection, and I couldnt help but stare. I looked nice, and that caught me off guard. I was pretty sure Id kind of liked how the dress looked on me when I wore it before, but something was different. I was different, but I couldnt work out what it was exactly that had changed. I turned slightly, my gaze moving up and down my body as I tried to figure it out. Had I lost weight? Maybe. I wasnt exactly big before, but perhaps I was thinner. I looked a bit more muscular, too. My arms had slightly more shape than Id noticed before, and so did my chest. It was actually filling the dress and making the fabric stretch slightly. It didnt look bad, though. It was shorter. The dress was shorter than when Id worn it the year before, I was sure of it. It came to the middle of my thigh, and it hadnt before. Had I grown? Or had it shrunk in the wash? I couldnt work it out. I hadnt noticed myself getting any taller, but then, I wasnt sure that I would have. Was that a thing that people noticed, or did they only realise when someone pointed it out? I stared down at my legs, trying to work out if it was too short. I didnt think it was; Id definitely worn shorter dresses before, but Mom still might say something about it. Part of me felt like I should get changed into something else. I had other dresses that were longer and clung to my body less. It was probably a better idea to wear one of those, but I just didnt want to. I liked the dress, and I looked nice in it. I didnt want to get changed just because I was worried about what Mom would say. It didnt matter. What I thought and how I felt should have mattered more, and I knew that, but it was still difficult to ignore the small voice at the back of my head that begged me to change, just to make things a little bit easier for myself. My stubbornness stopped me. It made me stand taller and look at my reflection again. I looked good. My phone buzzed, and I picked it up, scanning the messages from Phoebe. God, I am so hungover, read the message that shed sent twenty minutes before. And fine, I wont bring a lobster home with me, but I dont think it would count as smuggling. Thats more for people, right? How are things going there? Only one more day!! A smile came over my face as I started to reply. 3.23 I bet its going to be fun... I mean, you can definitely smuggle more than just people, I typed back to Phoebe. Didnt people use to smuggle guns and alcohol and stuff? Animals definitely count, too. Things are going okay here. Im just about to start packing, but my room is a mess. My fingers hovered over the screen, but I stopped myself from saying anything else. I almost messed up. I was about to say that my room was so much a mess because of my mom. That shed messed it up when she searched it, but it would have been a mistake to mention that. Phoebe hated that my mom went through my room. It had slipped out before, and Phoebe had been furious. She wasnt annoyed at me but on my behalf. She said it wasnt right, and that everyone deserved privacy in their own room. She wanted to say something to her. Phoebe actually wanted to confront my mom and tell her off for going through my room. It was inappropriate, according to her, and someone deserved to tell her that. Phoebe wanted to tell her, and that worried me. I remembered panicking. I was so scared that my mom would overhear or that shed actually do it, but she hadnt. She didnt want to make things worse for me despite how angry she was. The reaction was conflicting. I hadnt meant to tell Phoebe that my mom searched my room; it had just slipped out. I was trying to find a textbook, but I couldnt because Mom had moved everything about when shed gone through my room earlier that day. I found it, eventually. For some reason, Mom had put it under my bed. In a way, it was reassuring to see Phoebes outrage. I didnt really talk to anyone about the way Mom acted. It was awkward to bring up, and it was all I was used to, so it felt normal, but I knew it wasnt. Mostly. It wasnt how Id seen other parents act towards their kids, and it didnt feel right, but I didnt know. That made it clear. It did scare me, though. I really didnt want Phoebe to say anything to Mom. Mom already didnt really like Phoebe, but she was pleasant to her. She mostly hid her disdain, but if Phoebe had said anything, if she had insulted her like she wanted to, my mom would stop hiding it. I didnt want that to be unleashed on anyone, especially not Phoebe. And Mom would get worse. Shed stop me from being able to see her outside of school, and I really didnt want that to happen. Phoebe was my only friend, and I went over to her house as much as possible. Well, not quite my only friend. I had Duncan, too, but I couldnt exactly stay over at his house. My face started to flush. I had stayed at his before. I used to go over there quite often when I was younger, and Id stay in the spare room with Phoebe after a party sometimes, but that didnt really count. It would be different if I were to stay over at his after how wed been texting. A smile started to pull at my lips, but I squeezed them together, trying to stop it. What would it be like? Would I still stay in the spare room? Or would I sleep on an air mattress in his room like I did as a kid? Neither, probably. Id most likely stay with him. In his bed. It was a double bed, big enough for both of us, after all. We could both sleep in it, but was that all wed do? My phone buzzed, and I looked down at it, trying to put the thought out of my head as hard as possible. Urgh, I guess. Fine. I wont smuggle anything. Apart from maybe some alcohol, but only a little bit, not like smuggling amount, came Phoebes reply. Ew, I hate packing. I hope its not too bad! Im just going to ignore it and pretend I dont have to for as long as possible. You should do the same. You can always do it in the morning! Wait, how are you feeling about the date??? I chewed on my lip as I debated what to say to her. The first part of the message was fine. I could reply to that easily enough; it was the last line that I was stuck on. Nervous. Thats how I was feeling about it, but at the same time, I was excited. It was difficult to work out which one I felt more, though. It varied from day to day. I didnt know what to expect, and that was part of the problem. I think if I did, it would have been easier. I could have mentally prepared for it better, but I didnt know, and that made it harder. It might just be a friend thing. Perhaps wed just hang out like friends, play some video games, and maybe drink a little, but it could be more. It could be a date. Like, a proper one, and I didnt know what people did on dates. It would still be fun, even if we just gamed. I knew that Id have a good time, but I wanted more. Kind of. I was mostly trying not to really think about it because if I did and I started hoping for more, Id just be disappointed if nothing happened between us. I wanted to keep my expectations low. Then, it would be harder to feel let down. Id just be pleasantly surprised if things went well. Okay, good. Oh, nice. What alcohol are you going to bring back? Yeah, it shouldnt be too bad. Mom reckons her parents might come back in the morning, so I need to pack everything today, which is great, I typed, hesitating just a moment before continuing. Yeah, Im feeling okay about it. Kinda nervous, but it should be fun. I read the message a couple of times before hitting send. It sounded okay. I didnt want to seem too nervous, but I didnt think I did. Whatever I can get my hands on, came Phoebes quick response. Ew, gross. Just shove everything into your bag and sit on it? Thats what I do. Oh yeah? I bet its going to be fun My cheeks started to burn at Phoebes insinuation, and I locked my phone without answering her. I wasnt sure what to say, so not answering felt like the best option. Id reply later once Id thought of a response or a way to change the subject. It wouldnt be too hard. I could just ask her anything about her time in France. Wed been texting throughout, but there was probably something that had happened that she hadn''t told me about yet. I looked at my reflection again, ignoring how red my cheeks were, before looking around my room. I was just standing in the middle of it and doing nothing, and that looked weird. If Mom walked past, she would definitely assume I was doing something on my phone that I shouldnt be and would demand to look through it. Glancing at my reflection again, I ran through my options in my head. I was already dressed. My hair was done too, and it looked good. That kind of just left packing. Either that, or I could work through some of the language apps on my phone. I hadnt touched them yet that morning, and I wanted to keep my streaks going. No, I thought as I started to lift my phone again. Id have time to do them later, but it would be a mistake to do them now. My mom would be furious if she saw me on my phone when shed told me to pack. I needed to do that. Id already dragged my cases into the centre of my room, so Id basically already started. It still felt like too big a task, though. I didnt want to do it, and I found myself looking around my room, searching for something else to do instead. My eyes landed on my makeup bag. I wasnt wearing any, but I could put some on. Mom wouldnt get annoyed if she saw me doing that. She always said I should wear makeup whenever I left the house. Otherwise, I looked exhausted and like I didnt care about how I looked. Plus, I was wearing a nice dress, and my hair looked good. That made me want to wear makeup, too. I knew that it would make me feel prettier. A slight smile came over my face as I sat down in front of the mirror and tipped the contents of my makeup bag onto the floor, grabbing for my moisturiser. I squeezed some out onto my hand, feeling dizziness begin to pull at me immediately. Instinctively, I started reaching towards it, but I stopped myself. It felt too dangerous. Id already tempted disaster once that morning by leaving the world whilst straightening my hair. It felt stupid to do it again. What if I came back at the wrong time? I could stab myself in the eye with my mascara wand and blind myself. The image invaded my mind, sending a flash of pain through my face. I stared at my reflection, unable to see anything other than the thick end of my mascara wand poking out from behind the hand pressed over my eye. Blood coursed down my face, but I didnt move. I was in shock, unable to process what I was seeing. I couldnt do anything other than stare at what I had done. A shiver tore through me, forcing me back into my reality, and I pulled my hands away from my face. My eyes scanned my reflection frantically, finding both of my eyes completely unharmed. A relieved sigh slipped from my lips, but the memory still haunted me. I couldnt do it. I couldnt risk stabbing myself in the eye like that, and that meant I had to stay where I was, even though I didnt want to be there. I wanted to be in my other world. I wanted to sit next to Seth and watch the video Abbie had put on for us. It was far more interesting than I expected it to be, and I was glad for that. People did so much when they were trying to look normal, and it just made them stand out more. I wasnt sure if they were aware of that, but it would have been so much better for them to just do nothing rather than go out of their way to be casual. It never looked natural, and thats what made them stand out. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. I felt myself cocking my head as I watched the security cam footage of a woman walking across a busy crossing somewhere. She was doing so much. Her moves were too forcefully, too deliberate. Shed adjusted her glasses three or four times, and that made it look like a nervous tic. It probably was, considering what she was carrying. Wed already been told about that. The image changed, switching from an intersection to the inside of a shop. There were fewer people in there than in the last clip, but that made it more interesting for me. It was harder, in a way. Shed stood out because she was moving so much more than the people around her, but when there were less people, it was hard to tell who was acting weirdly. I started to lean forward before freezing. Id done it again. Id left my world and slipped into another without even realising, and that terrified me. As carefully as possible, I started to reach out toward the dizziness that hovered at the back of my mind. I moved slowly, letting my awareness slowly drip back into my body and trying not to make any movements as it happened, just in case I was holding the mascara brush. Fear spiked within me. My hands were near my eyes, I realised, staring at my reflection and begging myself not to move. I could see my hands trembling, but I wasnt doing my mascara. I was just rubbing tinted moisturiser into my face. I sagged back, dropping my hands and letting them fall to my lap. That felt too close. I knew that I needed to be careful; I was fully aware of that, but Id still left the world. Stupid. It was stupid. I just needed to try harder. There had to be a way for me to be more grounded in reality, more anchored, so I wouldnt just slip out of it without noticing. I started to rub the moisturiser into my face again, telling myself to stay where I was and not to reach for the dizziness that stayed tantalisingly close. It wasnt enough, though. I could feel myself fighting and struggling after just a few seconds. I needed more. There had to be something else that I could do to stay focused, I thought as I reached for my concealer and unscrewed the lid. Maybe focusing on actually putting my makeup on would help. I could be more deliberate about it, just like the examples I was watching in the other world. Perhaps if I took my time and forced myself to consider everything that I was doing, that could help. I started to pat the concealer onto my skin, moving slowly and making sure to layer it on the bags under my eyes. They were darker than normal, I realised. They were always there, even when Id slept well, but the colour was definitely more pronounced than they had been before. That felt weird. I hadnt slept particularly well the night before. Id had a few nightmares, if thats what they were, and had woken up a few times, but Id gotten to sleep way earlier than I was used to. Maybe that was the problem, though, I considered as I reached for my highlighter without really paying any attention to what I was doing. Whilst in Scotland, Id been sleeping pretty well. I didnt spend hours staring at the ceiling and getting annoyed that I was still awake; I just disappeared into other worlds, and sleep came for me at some point. Perhaps Id gotten used to sleeping better, so when I didnt sleep well, I missed it more? That would make sense. I dropped my highlighter into my bag and reached for my contour stick before pausing as a sound came from the distance. Mom coughed a couple more times before falling silent again. I was pretty sure she was still in the kitchen. It sounded like the noise had come from there, but it was a little hard to tell. There were no footsteps or anything to indicate she was coming closer, though. There was no other noise apart from the soft hum that was present. It was probably the boiler or something. The house was old, so it would make sense for the boiler to be too, I was pretty sure, at least. But it was summer. Why would the boiler be on? Probably just for hot water, but then surely I wouldnt be able to hear it throughout the house. I had no clue where the boiler was, but it didnt make sense to me. I looked around my room, my eyes falling on the radiator under my window. The house was always really warm somehow, but I thought that was just how it was. Surely, the radiators wouldnt be on in the middle of summer. It would make sense if they were, though. The radiators at my house back home always made a noise when they were on, and they looked almost as old as the ones in my grandparents house. My eyes darted between the radiator and my reflection as I thought about it. I wanted to get up and check if they were on, but I also didnt want to get up in the middle of doing my makeup. It didnt matter if they were, not really. It wasnt like it would change anything; I would just know what the noise was. Hesitating for a moment longer, I pushed myself up and walked across my room. The radiator was warm to the touch but not hot. Maybe it was just warm because the sun was shining on it. It was a lovely day outside, I realised as I glanced out the window again. The trees were swaying ever so slightly in a gentle breeze, and the sky was spotless. There wasnt a single cloud. Maybe the radiators were on, I thought as I looked back at the one in front of me. My hand was still resting on it, but I pulled it away, walking back to the mirror and shaking my head. I was too distracted, too restless. It was hard for me to focus on just one thing, and that was making it even harder for me to stay in reality. I knew that if I let myself go back to the spy world, Id feel less bored and restless, but I couldnt. I needed something else. If there were something else for me to focus on, it would have been easier. I stared down at my phone for a moment before picking it up. Putting on a video might help. I could find that channel that Phoebe had fallen in love with and watch some of those videos whilst doing my makeup. Or, I could listen to music. It had been a little while since Id done that. Id not really listened to any since Id gone for a run last. A smile came over my face as I opened the app and put it on shuffle. The sound blared out, and I hurried to turn it down, my eyes darting towards the door. I didnt want to have it too loud. My mom might hear. There was nothing wrong with that, in theory. I was allowed to listen to music, but I didnt like it when my mom knew I was. She always had something to say about it. A snide remark or something. It didnt matter what I was listening to, she always judged me for it. Plus, it was loud enough for me to hear, so that was fine. I didnt need to have it any louder. My hand shook slightly as I unscrewed the mascara wand, but the music was helping. I was able to do both eyes without really feeling the need to leave, which was reassuring. I smiled at my reflection as I dropped the tube back into the bag before hesitating. Something didnt quite look right. I was missing something, but I couldnt put my finger on what exactly. Id done everything I usually did. More, actually. Eyeliner. Thats what was wrong. My eyes looked too naked, but I wasnt sure why. I didnt wear eyeliner. It didnt look good on me, and I could never do it well. No matter how hard I tried, the flicks were never even, and that looked horrible. Even so, I found myself reaching for the barely used pencil at the bottom of my bag. I hadnt even bought it for myself. Phoebe had a while back. Holding my breath, I uncapped it and slowly drew a steady line, ending in a slight flick. I leant back, examining my reflection. I had only done one eye, but I already looked better. I looked more like myself, somehow, and that made me feel strange. How could I look more like myself when I didnt normally wear eyeliner? Not in that world, at least. I did in some. There was another world, a few actually, where I wore it often. I could remember practising applying it over and over again until Id perfected the skill and finally worked up the courage to wear it out of my bedroom. Id been worried about what people would say, even though it was a tiny thing, but my stepmom liked it. Mom had always said people who wore heavy makeup looked bad, cheap, but that wasnt what my stepmom had said at all. I jerked back, staring at my reflection. I had a stepmother in that world, I realised with a slight flare of hope. That meant my parents were divorced. Either that or my mom was No. She wasnt dead, I recalled, with a rush of emotions that ended in shame. She was still alive, and I saw her often. Every other week. The court had ordered that. They asked me what I wanted to do, and the guilt was too much for me to tell them the truth. I remembered how horrible it had felt to say I wanted to stay with both of them, not just my mom, even years later. Fascination rose within me. I wanted to know more about the world. I had to know what had happened and why my father had finally decided to divorce her in it, but not in reality. Something had to be different. There had to be something big that meant he was able to work up the courage to do it. I searched through my memories of the world, trying to find anything. I could remember fights. There had been a lot of fights, but then, there were a lot of fights in reality too, so that couldnt be it. Were there more in the other world? I wasnt sure. It seemed like they were acting the same way they did in the other world, though. Mom was just as cruel and angry in both worlds, and Dad just put up with it, rarely standing up to her. So what was it? What had changed? I wasnt sure, but I couldnt focus on it anymore. There was something else that stole my attention. I could remember the first time I met my stepmother. Dad had already been dating her for a little while. He wanted to be sure how he felt about her before introducing us, and he came to my room one day, asking if I wanted to meet her. I was scared, but I told him I did. I felt like I had to, despite him insisting that I didnt. It was terrifying. I was so worried that shed be just like my mom. The entire dinner, I was on edge. I knew that I had to make a good impression, and I didnt want to do anything to annoy her, but she didnt get annoyed. She never did, not even after she moved in, and we spent more time together. I couldnt recall a single time when shed been angry, and that felt weird. She was so different to my mom, who had only become worse since the divorce. I think it was harder for her to not have my dad there, in a way. She didnt have anyone to take her frustrations out on, and I was only there half the time. Things festered. She spent the time when I wasnt staying in her house ruminating and growing angrier, letting it all out on me the moment I returned. I couldnt tell my dad. He asked about her from time to time. I think he felt guilty for leaving her. He knew how she was, but I think he thought shed be better with him gone. That, without him there to upset her, shed be happier. I let him think that. He deserved it. Hed put up with her for so long and had tried to shield me from the worst of her behaviours. It was my turn to bear the force of it. Plus, I only had a few more years until I was eighteen. Then, Id never have to see her again. I could cope with it for a few more years. 3.24 What are you going to do when Im not there to help you? What are you doing? I heard my mom ask, cruelty dripping from her voice. I jumped, my head snapping up to stare at her. My heart was racing like Id been caught doing something I shouldnt, and the world spun slightly, making it hard for me to work out which world I was in. She looked strange, and that made me feel even more off-balance. I knew that she looked different, but I wasnt sure what exactly was different. She looked thinner, I think. Her face was pinched and her expression almost a snarl. She sometimes wore that look in my world, but she generally tried to hide it. She never looked at me with such explicit fury and disgust. I was in the other world still, I realised, reaching out for the dizziness that I knew would take me home. Before my eyes, my mom started to change. She became bigger, less emancipated-looking, and her expression less cruel. But she was still looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to answer her. I looked down at the suitcase in front of me. I couldnt remember moving towards it or starting to empty it, but that was clearly what I had been doing. It was empty, with my clothes piled messily around it, so I must have made a start on it. Packing, I said with a shrug. My moms lip curled, and she raised an eyebrow before pointedly looking at my suitcase. Look at the mess youve created! Honestly! Weve been coming here for years, and you still cant pack a bag properly. You should be better at it by now. What are you going to do when Im not here to help you with it? she demanded. She sounded almost like she was trying not to laugh at me, and that made me angry. She didnt help me pack. She hadnt for years. The first time I had to do it, she didnt even bother telling me. I thought shed pack my bag whilst I was at school like she always used to, but I got home after the last day, and she was already passed out on the sofa. I couldnt have been older than seven or eight, which was probably old enough to do it myself, but she clearly didnt plan it. I think she just didnt want to or was too distracted by drinking or whatever else and completely forgot. The next morning, as we drove to Scotland in silence and she nursed a hangover, she told me that I needed to do it. She tried to say that it was intentional, to teach me to be more independent, but that was a lie, and I knew it. It didnt teach me anything about independence; it just taught me that I couldnt rely on her. Mom was still looking down at me, and I forced myself to smile at her rather than letting her see just how annoyed I was. It wouldnt help anything, and I just wanted her to leave me alone. She wasnt even doing anything that bad, but I didnt want to have to talk to her. Im doing it how you showed me, I said with a shrug, seeing her eyebrows start to rise and annoyance cross her face. I mean, I had to empty it out so I could fold everything properly. There was a pause as Mom clearly debated saying something, but I wasnt sure what she would say. I was doing it the right way. Maybe I was moving a little slower than shed like, but it was the proper way to pack. Plus, she couldnt disagree with me. It meant she either needed to say that she didnt teach me to do it that way or to tell me to do it differently, which I knew she wouldnt do either. It would make her look bad. Shed have to tell me to do less, take the easy option, and just cram everything into my bag, not caring about folding things. There was no way shed do that, and I knew it. It was a lazy thing to do, and that was fine, but she would never admit to doing that. Mom refused to ever do anything that might be seen as lazy. She couldnt. She cared too much about how others viewed her. She wanted to be seen as always doing more, going above and beyond, and doing everything perfectly. It was so clear to see, but she wanted everyone to look up to her and aspire to be just as wonderful as she thought she was. Surprise washed through me at that thought. I was being snarky, and I knew it. I was really annoyed at her and was being kind of mean, even if it was just in my head. It didnt feel normal, though. Maybe it was just a leftover irritation. Being in the other world, the one where she was even more horrible to me, had made me feel strange. I was almost wistful for that world to become my reality, but I felt awful for feeling that way, and I didnt want Mom to change like that. I knew she would, though. Well, Mom said with a heavy sigh, youll need to finish that later. Were going out for lunch now. That is, unless you want to stay home and pack instead I looked up at her, trying to work out what the tone of her voice meant. There was an almost hopeful note to it, and I wasnt sure if she wanted me to stay home so she could go out by herself or if she wanted me to go with her. There was nothing in her expression or body language that indicated which she would prefer. She had pulled her phone out and was checking something on it. My stomach grumbled loudly, reminding me that I hadnt had dinner the night before. Id fallen asleep too early and missed it. Even though part of me wanted to stay home and have the chance to relax without my mom there, I had to go. I needed to eat, and there was barely anything in the house. I fully intended to just tell her that I wanted to go to lunch with her, but my mouth had other ideas. Oh, already? I said before I could stop myself. I thought you werent planning to go out for another half an hour. Irritation flashed across my moms face, and I froze. I wasnt sure why I said that, but I knew it was the wrong thing to say. Mom didnt like being called out by anyone, and that was basically what I had done. Id messed up. Originally, I had planned on being good. It was our last day in Scotland, and I knew Mom would be on edge. I was meant to be being careful not to antagonise her, but Id clearly forgotten about that. I needed to do better. My moms expression dropped, and she turned suddenly. Well, you can stay here then, she said. Or, you can come now. She started walking without waiting for me to respond. I wasnt sure what to do. I knew that if I didnt hurry after her, she would leave without me just to prove a point, but I didnt want to do that. My stomach rumbled again, as if telling me to get over myself and go after her. It was right, and I also knew that if she went by herself, shed be in an even worse mood when she got back. It had happened before, and I was pretty sure she spent the entire time she was gone just ruminating and making everything seem worse and worse in her head until suddenly, Id done something truly terrible rather than just been a bit disrespectful. My pride or whatever it was that stopped me from wanting to run after her wasnt worth the hassle it would cause, I realised before jumping up and grabbing my phone before following my mom. She was already on the stairs and didnt even look back at me, even though she must have heard me. She had been moving quickly. Maybe it was intentional so that Id need to run to catch up with her, or maybe she really did want to go to lunch by herself. No, she didnt, I realised as she reached the bottom of the stairs and turned to put her heels on. She was smiling. It wasnt her usual smug smile. She seemed genuinely happy that I had followed her, and that just made me feel worse. Guilt rose in my stomach, making me feel nauseous. Maybe she was trying to be nice. Perhaps she really did want to go out for a meal with me, and I had ruined it by being rude and snippy towards her. That thought made me feel horrible. The guilt and shame were almost overwhelming, and I didnt know what to do about it, but I kind of wanted to cry. I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes as a lump formed in my throat. I wanted to apologise to her. To say that I was sorry for how Id spoken to her, and to try to be a nicer person, but I couldnt get the words out. They died in my throat, leaving nothing behind. Instead, I was silent as I stepped into my trainers and followed my mom out the door. As we moved across the drive towards the car, I could feel her eyes on me. She was scrutinising me and judging what I was wearing. Id felt so good in the dress before, but now it felt different. It was too tight in all the wrong places. I winced, waiting for the inevitable insult as we reached the car. Mom started digging around in her purse for the keys, but no insults came. She said nothing as she unlocked the car, and we got into it. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. Maybe she was trying. She couldnt bring herself to compliment me or to say anything nice, but she hadnt insulted me, and that was the best she could do. I was surprised, though. Id been expecting the insult. I was waiting for her to say that I needed to get changed, or that the dress must have shrunk in the wash or that I looked fat or something like that, but there was nothing. No insults, no comments, barely even a look. She just turned the radio on and stayed silent. I sunk back into the seat, my body relaxing as some of the tension drained out of me. I still felt on edge, of course. I always did when I was around her, but it didnt feel quite as bad as it had before. A smile started to grow on my lips. I could feel it pulling at my face, and I let it. It was nice to be in the car with my mom without feeling like she was about to snap. But it didnt last long. I stared out of the windows, enjoying the journey for just a few minutes before the dizziness started to pull at me. I think I was so used to going to other worlds whenever I was in the car that I just started to reach for them automatically, but I didnt really want to. I felt like I should stay in the moment with my mom. She was making an effort to be nice to me; it felt wrong to leave. It was difficult, though. The temptation was too strong, and it would have been so easy to just give in. I had to fight to ignore it, but the dizziness didnt want to let me. It hovered close, not quite overwhelming me, but almost. I think that if I had been walking, I would have stumbled. I let my eyes flutter shut for a moment, hoping that it would stop the world from spinning quite so quickly, but I could still feel it moving around me. If anything, it was getting stronger. A silent sigh slipped out of my lips as I gave in, feeling the vertigo retreat immediately as I opened my eyes into the other world. As subtly as possible, I looked around. We were still in the room in the library; that much was clear, but I couldnt work out how much time had passed. It felt like it had been a while since Id been there last. Maybe an hour or two. The fogged windows were dark. The sun must be setting, so it was probably quite late. I looked away, feeling Seths eyes on me, and looked at the video that was playing on the screen. Wed moved on from observation, I realised slowly. That made sense. It was an interesting topic, but there was only so much staring at people that we could do before boredom set in. I couldnt remember deciding on it, but wed moved on to tech. There was a woman on the screen showing a small gun. No, not a gun, I realised as she turned away from the camera and pointed it upwards. A grapple gun. The cable shot out, and the video slowed down, demonstrating how the tip transformed into a barbed hook that could grab hold of basically any surface. I felt myself leaning forward, watching the woman as she explained how it could be connected to a harness. Of course, its not always possible to wear a harness when youre in the field, she said with a charismatic laugh. They can be really bulky and obvious, but the Academys seamstresses and tailors can reinforce any item of clothing and may conceal a harness within the lining. Before youre assigned a mission, you will have a full briefing session where your equipment is shown to you. Make sure you pay attention to the clothes because there should be a way to connect the grapple if it may be necessary for you to use one during the assignment. Awesome, Katie whispered. The woman clipped the gun to her belt, and the camera zoomed in, showing the mechanism that was built into the buckle. I would have never known that there was anything weird about it. It just looked completely normal, but it connected so seamlessly, allowing her to begin scaling the side of the building behind her. My eyes widened as I watched her move higher and higher. It looked so cool but also terrifying. Her hair was hanging behind her as she steadily climbed without even breaking a sweat. She didnt even look down, and I wasnt sure how. I would have. I knew that if I had to climb the side of a building, held up only by a tiny gun connected to my belt, I would have been petrified. I dont think I would have been able to stop myself from glancing down at the ground every couple of steps just to see how far up I was. Id have to know. Id need to know just how injured Id be if something went wrong and I fell. A door slammed, and my head whipped around. I glanced through the windows into the library, spotting Rodgers moving through the aisles towards us. There was a smile on his face, but that didnt stop anxiety from building within me. Something was wrong, I assumed immediately. Something had to be. It was stupid. He was probably just finished with his paperwork for the day and wanted to let us know that he was leaving the wing, so wed need to go to a comms point if we needed to speak to anyone, but that didnt feel right. Teachers never came to find us to tell us that they were leaving. They just assumed that wed go to one of the phones dotted around the wing if we couldnt find them. Rodgers stopped outside the room and knocked on the door, even though wed left it open. Hello, Seth called as Abbie paused the video. Hello, everyone, Rodgers replied. How are the classes going? Good, Katie replied. We did four or five about observations before moving on to tech. Ah, great. How did you find them? Rodgers gaze fell on me, making me feel like I had to answer him. I wasnt quite sure how to. Id not been in the world for most of the videos. Good, I said. I feel like weve learnt a lot. Next to me, Seth nodded. Rodgers smile widened. Fantastic! That should put you all in a great position for when you start classes properly, he told us, looking around the group before looking back to me. I actually just swung by to have a quick word. Grace, will you come with me? My stomach dropped. The others turned to look at me, and I swallowed. I wasnt sure why he wanted to talk to me, but I must have done something wrong. Maybe he noticed that I wasnt paying attention. There was a camera in the room, after all. They could have been watching us on it and seen that I was barely present. That was so stupid of me. I had only just been given my specialisms, and I knew that I needed to work hard to live up to the expectations placed on me, but I wasnt. I was wasting the opportunity theyd given me. Oh, sure, I said, doing my best to sound unbothered as I stood on shaking legs. I could feel the others watching me as I walked towards Rodgers, trying not to look as scared as I felt. Should we wait for Grace to come back before continuing the video? Abbie asked uncertainly. She looked almost as worried as I felt. Might as well keep watching for now. Grace can always catch up later, Rodgers said before glancing at the screen. I believe youre on tech video seven oh eight? Abbie jiggled the mouse so the title would show up along the top. Yeah, she said. Fantastic. There are some really good items coming up. Youre all going to love them, Rodgers told the group before looking at me. You can come back to it later. Shall we? I couldnt speak. My mouth was too dry. I settled for nodding and following him back through the library. The others continued to watch me, though. I glanced back at them once before looking back at Rodgers and trying to work out what was going on. His expression gave nothing away. He walked slowly and casually, his uneven steps unhurried. Something must have happened. I must have slipped up somehow. Maybe it happened when I was in the other world, in my reality. I knew that I kept existing in the Academy when I wasnt consciously there, and I couldnt remember doing anything wrong, but I must have. Or perhaps it was something else. They could have just discovered something that Id done before I was recruited that made me not a good fit. I hadnt done anything particularly bad, but it could have been anything. A bad mark on a test, or maybe even an argument with a friend that theyd just found out about. It might make them look at me differently or see my personality in a different light, a less flattering one. I didnt really have arguments with friends. I didnt really have friends, just one or two, but there had to be something. Or could it have been a medical thing? They had run so many tests, blood tests and others. Perhaps the results had come back late for some of them, and they realised I wasnt well. That would make sense. Why waste time training someone who would die within the year? Rodgers paused for a moment to pull the library door open, and I looked up at him, scrutinising his expression closely. His lip twitched, but he didnt say anything. He just nodded towards the doorway, prompting me to go through it. He followed me through the door, still saying nothing as we started to walk along the well-lit corridor. Finally, the silence became too much for me. I couldnt handle it. My thoughts were racing too fast, and I just needed to say something. Where are we going? I asked, trying not to blurt the question out. I didnt succeed. My voice was too loud for the empty corridor and seemed to echo. Rodgers didnt say anything about that, but a smile appeared on his face for just a second. My classroom, he said. I have something to talk to you about, and I dont want it to get out just yet, so its best to go somewhere quiet. His answer didnt make me feel any better. If anything, it just made me more anxious. I continued walking beside him silently, trying to ignore the panic that fluttered wildly within my heart. It felt like Id been sent to the head teachers office. It had never happened to me before in real life, but it was exactly how I thought it would feel. I was nauseous. My hands were trembling, and my legs were barely able to hold me up. Part of me wanted to cry and apologise, but I pressed my lips together, forcing myself not to say anything else. After what felt like an eternity, we reached Rodgers classroom. He pushed the door open and walked inside. I hesitated for just a moment before following him and letting the door shut behind me, my eyes scanning the room and searching for a hint of what was to come but finding nothing. It looked exactly as it always did. Grab a seat, Rodgers called back to me as he walked towards his desk at the front of the room. My heart pounded in my ears as I slowly followed his instructions, walking into the room and grabbing one of the plastic chairs. It was slick in my grasp, fear causing my hands to sweat. I pulled it to the front of the room, dropping it opposite his desk and hesitating. I almost didnt want to sit down. It felt too scary. If I was standing, I could run. I had nowhere to go, but Id be able to escape the conversation we were about to have, and that felt like a good thing. But I knew that, even if I ran, Id be found. We were locked in. There was no way to get out of the induction wing, so theyd just find me. Then Rodgers would still tell me whatever he was about to; hed just also be annoyed at me. I sucked in a deep breath as he started to sit down. Is everything okay? 3.25 Balance. Of course! Rodgers replied. Its nothing to worry about at all. We just need to have a quick talk about something. Well it might not be that quick, but still, itll be fine. I swallowed, trying to stop the bile from rising in my throat as fear pulled at me. Okay, I said quietly, sitting down and watching as Rodgers shuffled in his seat, a slight grimace on his face. Urgh. Youd think Id get used to this damn brace, but its still annoying as hell, he grumbled. Every time I sit or stand, or even just move, I just want to tear the thing off and deal with the consequences. I mean, do I really need to be able to bend my knee? He glanced up at me as if waiting for my answer. My instinct was to agree with him and tell him that he didnt actually need to, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. I mean yeah, kind of, I said instead, feeling anxiety jump even higher within me. Rodgers wasnt annoyed, though. He just laughed. I know, he said with a long-suffering sigh. Dont make the same mistake I did. Always follow the doctors advice, and if you think you dont need to or that theyre being stupid, get a second opinion. His tone was firm, and I felt myself nod, which made the smile return to his face. He was acting like he normally did, I told myself. There was nothing different or weird about the way he was behaving, and that had to be a good thing, didnt it? If there were something wrong, I would have been able to tell. He wouldnt be joking and speaking so casually. But he was a good actor. He had to be. It was a class we were made to take at the Academy. We had to learn how to lie and conceal how we were really feeling. It was a necessary part of being a spy. Even the videos wed been watching in the library before mentioned that. We started early, pretty much straight away, so we could get as much practice as possible. A field agent who cant lie is useless. Rodgers checked his watch, swiping the surface of it. His eyes darted back and forth as he read something before shooting me a flat look. Of course, shes not going to make it, he muttered. I swear that woman never stays in one place for more than five minutes. What did she do last year when she didnt have someone else to do everything she didnt have time to here? I had no clue who he was talking about, but I felt like I needed to answer him. I was the only person in the room, and hed looked at me. It felt weird not to say anything. I dont know? I said, but it came out like a question. Rodgers lips stretched into a smile. Really, Grace. You dont need to be so nervous, I promise, he told me. Nothing bad is happening. I just wanted to talk to you about your time in the induction wing. His promise made me feel a bit better, but the relief was quickly drowned as he finished the sentence. That felt like a bad thing, like he was about to tell me that my time in the induction wing was over, and I was being kicked out. I really didnt want that to happen. What about it? I asked, my tone tight. My hands were shaking. I didnt want him or anyone else to see how nervous I was, even though I knew it must have been obvious. I laced my fingers together in my lap, gripping them so tightly that I was pretty sure I was cutting off the blood flow. Its not a bad conversation, he tried to reassure me, clearly seeing through my facade. Its a good one! Youve done really well since youve been here. Its clear that youve thrown yourself into learning, and I think you should be really proud of yourself. I couldnt bring myself to feel any pride. It felt too much like there was a but coming. Rodgers was going to say something about how I wasnt trying hard enough or just wasnt achieving enough despite my initially promising results. I hadnt had the chance, though. My meeting had only just happened; I didnt have time to show them how hard I could work. Rodgers was still looking at me. His expression was almost expectant, and I forced a smile onto my face. I am, I said. Even I heard how bad it sounded. You seem it, Rodgers chuckled. I looked down, chewing my lip. Sorry, I muttered, unable to meet his gaze. Please just tell me. Am I being kicked out? What? he asked, sounding so shocked that I looked up at him. No, no. You dont need to worry about that! A tiny amount of relief washed over me, but I knew that I wouldnt feel completely better until I knew what he wanted to talk to me about. Okay, I said, pausing before asking, Then why did you want to talk to me? Rodgers hesitated. Im going to apologise in advance, he said. I know Im really bad at this. Theres probably an official way to do it, a speech or something that were meant to give, but I skimmed that part of the handbook. In my defence, I thought Brice would be here to do it, and I wouldnt have to, but He trailed off, and I waited for him to continue. His eyes darted towards his computer screen, as if searching for a way to say what he was about to. I saw his hand moving quickly as he scrolled down the page, still looking for something. But? I prompted. How have you found your time here so far? he asked, a smile appearing on his face as he found whatever he was looking for. My heart thudded. I knew that hed reassured me that nothing bad was happening, but it still felt like a trick question. It was too similar to what Ms Brice had asked me during my meeting. Hed been there too; hed heard my answer, and that made me hesitate. I needed to think carefully, try and remember exactly what Id said to them before so that I didnt say anything too different. It might make them think that I was lying or hiding something. Good. Ive really enjoyed it so far, I said, fighting the urge to wince as I realised Id made a mistake. My answer was too similar to what Id said before, and that felt wrong too. I searched for something more to add, anything really, but Rodgers had already begun talking again. And how are you finding the classes? he asked, his eyes darting to his computer screen. He was reading the questions out, I realised. Why? There had to be a reason why he was asking me them. It didnt feel like a normal talk. If it was, he would have been able to just speak without having to check that he was saying the right thing. Good. I mean, I think theyre really interesting. All of them? he prompted, looking back at me. I hesitated. Mostly, I said carefully, making him snort. I mean, there are some that I dont enjoy as much or find harder, but theyre still interesting. Theyre taught well here. That helps. Rodgers nodded. I found that too when I was a kid. I dont know what your school was like before you came here, but they actually care about what theyre teaching here and find it interesting, which makes a huge difference. Yeah, I agreed. Some of the teachers seemed to care at my old school, but not all of them. Its kind of hard to pay attention when its clear the teacher doesnt really want to be there, you know? I was getting too comfortable, I realised. My posture had started to slip, and I forced myself to straighten up, tightening my grip on my hands. I was used to just chatting with Rodgers, and Id fallen back into that without even noticing. It was dangerous. I needed to be more cautious. Oh, completely. I still remember this one teacher I had who spent the whole lesson looking at his watch, Rodgers said with a laugh. I get that our class was just before lunch, but youd think he would be less obvious. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. I laughed along with him. Yeah, youd think. He smiled, his eyes flicking to his screen. Whats your favourite class so far? I had to think about that. I honestly dont know, I said after a few seconds. There are so many I enjoy. Rodgers nodded, his eyes narrowing thoughtfully. Are there any that have surprised you? he asked. He didnt look at the screen that time. It sounded like he honestly wanted to know the answer. I guess fitness, I said. I didnt really like PE at my old school, but its fun here. Languages, too, but weve not really had too many classes on them yet. I actually really enjoy most of the subjects. Okay, that makes sense, he replied. And what about your friends? Hed glanced at the screen that time, and that worried me. I didnt know why he was asking me that, but I knew that I needed to answer carefully. I didnt want to get anyone in trouble. I like them, I said awkwardly. Theyre nice. Rodgers laughed, and I couldnt help but join in. It was such a bad answer. It just felt flat and dumb, but I wasnt sure what else to say. They were nice, after all. Okay, good. Im glad, he said with a grin before adding, And what do you know about the induction period? My breath caught in my throat, and I felt my pulse speed up. Um just what Ive been told or read in the folder, I guess, I said. Fair enough. Do you know what the purpose of it is? he asked, reading the question from his screen. Um I started, trying to recall the answer. To get used to life here and have all the tests and stuff? That didnt feel like a good enough response, but Rodgers smiled nonetheless. Yeah, thats pretty much it! Life at the Academy can be quite different to how you lived before, so having a more structured and controlled environment can help with that adjustment, he said. It can make things a little less overwhelming. That makes sense, I agreed. Id heard that before, I was almost sure of it. Someone had explained it to me, or maybe Id read it in one of the textbooks, but I didnt understand why Rodgers was talking to me about it. Perhaps someone had said they didnt think I was adjusting very well, or maybe they thought I was becoming overwhelmed? Another really important part of the induction period is that it teaches people what working in intelligence is actually like, he continued. A lot of people come into the Academy with a really skewed vision, based on things theyve seen in movies, but obviously, its rarely realistic. I nodded, unsure what else to say or do. It felt like I should respond or say something so that Rodgers knew I was actually listening to him, but I forced myself to stay quiet. Id be repeating myself if I said anything. Id already told him I agreed and that what he was saying made sense; it felt weird to repeat myself. Id sound stupid. My phone buzzed in my hand, briefly pulling me out of the world, and I looked around, blinking in the bright sunlight. I was still in the car, I realised slowly as I squinted out of the window before reaching for the visor and pulling it down. My eyes darted towards Mom, making sure that she hadnt noticed Id barely been there before I checked my phone. Hey, hows your day going? Is it super warm up there too? Duncan had asked. I felt my lips start to lift, but I pressed them together quickly, glancing at Mom again. She hadnt taken her eyes off the road. Hey! I typed back. Pretty good so far, just got up and started packing mostly. Heading out to lunch now, though. How about there? Yeah, its really hot here today. I stared at the message, my finger hovering over the button to send it. Something about it felt off. It might have just been anxiety and indecision leeching in from the other world, but I almost wanted to delete the text and try again later. That might have been better. I would have had more time to actually think about what I was going to say and phrase it better. Shaking my head slightly, I sent the message. I was being silly. It was just a text, nothing more. I didnt need to deliberate over it or make sure that it was perfect. Id sent Duncan hundreds of texts before, probably more. It was fine. But still, anxiety fluttered within me as I reached out for the other world. And what do you know about leaving? I heard Rodgers ask. I hesitated, trying to work out how much Id missed. Not much, I didnt think. It had only been a few seconds. You cant until after you pass the induction period, I said. No, no. I meant leaving the induction period, he clarified. Do you know what you need to do to pass it? I searched my memories for an answer, finding it quickly. You need to pass all the medical tests, the educational ones, and show a dedication and aptitude for learning, I said, recalling Ms Brices words. Pretty much, but you dont need to pass the educational tests. You just need to sit them. It doesnt matter if you get full marks in all of them or if you get zeros across the board. Great, I said, knowing that I wouldnt be getting full marks in any of the tests. And where do you think you are on that journey? Rodgers asked, clearly reading the question from his computer again. I opened my mouth to speak before closing it again. Instinctively, I wanted to say not far, but I knew that wasnt right. It wasnt correct. Id finished the educational tests, I knew that. It was why Id finally been able to have my meeting with Ms Brice and Rodgers. So, unless theyd decided I needed to sit more tests, Id at least done that. The medical tests seemed to be over, too. I hadnt had a blood test in at least a week, and I was pretty sure Id passed all of those. Someone would have told me if something had come up on the tests, wouldnt they? It would have been cruel not to, and the people at the Academy didnt seem cruel from what Id seen. Some were a little strange, but they werent mean. That meant Id finished two out of the three things I needed to do to pass the induction period, but the last one was the most difficult to work out. It wasnt exactly something that could be measured, so how was I meant to know if Id shown a dedication to learning? What do you think? Rodgers prompted me. I know Ive finished the tests, I said. And Im pretty sure I passed all the medical stuff. You have, he confirmed. Relief washed through me, and I felt myself sit up a little straighter. But I dont know about the last part. I mean how is it measured? I asked. A smile appeared on Rodgers face, and he nodded. Thats a fair question, and annoyingly, I dont really have an answer for you, he said with an apologetic shrug. Personally, I think its kept intentionally vague so that it can be different for everyone. No two people are the same, and as long as youre trying, thats what matters. I understood that, and it did make sense, but still, I felt irritation flare within me. Part of me wished that the Academy was less fair. If there were one scale, one way of measuring people, it would have been so much easier. I could have compared myself to others and actually assessed how I was doing, but without that, I couldnt. Okay, I said slowly, trying to push my annoyance aside. Well, Im not really sure in that case. Im trying, but I could probably be doing more. Could you? Rodgers asked. I paused, looking at him as confusion washed over me. What? was all I could think to say. Could you be doing more? Yeah. How? His question was curious, gentle almost, and I didnt know how to answer it. I could always be doing more. I could put more effort in or just try harder. There were a million things I could be doing better, but somehow, I knew I needed to give Rodgers a specific example of how I could improve. He wouldnt be satisfied if I just said I needed to be better. Hed ask more questions, push me to come up with an actual answer. I could get up earlier and study before class during the week, I said. And I could study more at the weekend. Rodgers lips pressed together, and I felt my stomach tightened. His expression was disapproving, and that alarmed me. Id said the wrong thing; I knew that. I opened my mouth to say something else, another thing I could do to improve, but he was already speaking. Would that not interfere with your sleep? he asked. I swallowed nervously. I guess, but thats fine. I can always go to bed earlier or something. If anything, his expression became more disapproving. Okay, so say you start to go to bed an hour or two earlier, he started, thatll eat into your free time. When will you relax? I dont know, I said, searching for the right answer. At dinner time, I guess. Rodgers raised an eyebrow at me. Did you already have the lessons about mental health and burnout? he asked. I fought the urge to wince. We had. Dr Adda had told us all about the importance of rest and relaxation in order to combat burnout. Apparently, we were more likely to struggle with it. We were being pushed into high-pressure jobs, and a lot was expected of us. It was natural to find it difficult to manage, according to him, and spending time with friends, having alone time when needed, and engaging in hobbies were all key parts of mitigating the effect or protecting against it. Yes, I admitted. Rodgers lips twitched, as if he were fighting the urge to laugh. Okay, so is it possible or healthy for you to do anything more than youre already doing? he asked. The tone of his voice made it clear that there was a correct answer, but I didnt want to give it. It felt wrong to say I was doing as much as I could. I wasnt. I could always be doing more, doing better. I was lazy, didnt put in as much effort as I should, and I procrastinated. I always did. If I was able to fix that, to try harder, Id be better. Id do better. But that wasnt what he wanted me to say, and I knew it. Discomfort grew within me, the feeling unbearable as I juggled my two options. I either had to argue with a teacher or say that I was doing my best, and neither seemed right. I didnt want to say either. No, I forced the word out. I hated it. I didnt believe it at all, and I didnt want to. I had to believe that I could do better. It mattered to me so much, and I wasnt sure why. Rodgers smile was sympathetic. So, with that in mind, would you say youre showing a dedication and aptitude for learning? he asked. Sorry, its one of the questions I need to ask. Yes, I replied, the word so soft I could barely hear it. But Rodgers did. His grin widened, and he leaned back in his chair. Good! I agree, and so do the rest of the tutors! What? I asked, confusion coursing through me. Youre clearly trying really hard here, and you spend almost too much time studying, which is being kept an eye on, he said. Youre about twenty minutes a day away from me needing to have a firm word with you about balance. Okay, I said. It was all I could think of to say. I still couldnt get over the fact that the tutors thought I was doing well. Great! Not only does everyone agree that youre doing great, but youve actually been given a lot of house points since you arrived here, Rodgers informed me. I have? I asked. I dont remember getting any. Ah, yes, he said with a nod. Unfortunately, thats intentional. I think its stupid, but those in charge think its a bad idea to openly give people house points during the induction period. Apparently, it might foster competition in an unhealthy way. Instead, we have a small celebration once everyone has passed the induction, where the winners are announced. Oh, I said. That makes sense, I guess. It does, but I still hate it, he said with a shrug. The whole point of house points is to cause competition, and that makes everyone work harder. But were getting off-topic. I didnt bring you here to complain about the house points. My body tensed, and I dug my nails into my hands to try and distract myself from the fear that was building within me. Why did you bring me here? I asked, my voice uneven. Because the teachers have voted, and they are all in agreement. Youve passed the induction period. Moron! 3.26 You deserve it. Dizziness slammed into me as I opened my eyes, my heart racing in fear and excitement. I looked around frantically, trying to work out why Mom had shouted. She sounded furious, but she wasnt even looking at me. Her eyes were fixed on the road ahead as she slammed her hand into the horn. Absolute moron! she cried again, and I sagged back against my seat in relief. Does he not have eyes? I was right there! He must have seen me, but he just pulled out! He could have killed me! Embarrassment washed over me as I watched her gesturing obscenely at the car in front. Hopefully, the driver wouldnt see her. They were far enough ahead that they might not, even though Mom was speeding up to catch up with them. There was a fair bit of space between us, though. It didnt seem like theyd done anything particularly dangerous, but Mom was irate. I glanced at her again, making sure she wasnt about to say anything to me, before reaching out for the familiar dizziness. I couldnt speak. My brain didnt want to form actual thoughts. It started to, getting halfway through one before fizzling out. I was in shock. Thats what it was. I was so surprised by what Rodgers had said that I didnt know what to do or how to process it. All I could do was just stare at him. Id passed the induction period. Thats what hed said to me just before Id been pulled out of the world. Somehow, I had managed to do it, but I just couldnt understand why or how. It didnt make sense to me. There was nothing that Id done that the others hadnt. I had been working hard, of course, but so had Katie and Abbie. Scott and Seth had too. Id seen it. Wed all been in the library studying together, but I was the only one being singled out. Maybe it was because of the lessons I had with Rodgers. That was the only thing that I could think of that made sense. I had extra lessons with him instead of the fitness class because of my injury. Perhaps that made him be more aware of me, and that was why I was being singled out. But then, Scott would have been, too. He was in the class with us. There had to be something else. I just wasnt seeing it. You okay there, Grace? Rodgers asked, his eyes sparkling with barely suppressed mirth. I blinked, trying to find something to say to him. My mouth was open, I realised belatedly. I had just been staring at him with my mouth hanging open ever since he told me Id passed. Quickly, I shut it, trying to look less gormless. Yeah, I said, aware of how long it had been since I spoke last. Sorry, yes, Im fine. I just I dont get it. Rodgers chuckled softly. What dont you get? Everything. I didnt understand anything, but I couldnt think of a way to say that to him without sounding ungrateful. I was grateful; of course, I was. I was just so confused. Why me? I asked finally, causing his lips to twitch again. Well its quite simple, actually. Like I said before, youve been doing really well since you got here, and your other teachers and I dont think you need to be in the induction wing anymore. Youve gained everything you need to from this place, and youre ready to move into the main school. His words did not clarify anything. They just confused me even more. Why? I said without thinking before catching myself and adding, I mean, what about the others? What about them? Rodgers asked. Have they passed, too? He hesitated, his eyes flicking towards his screen again. I had to fight the urge to rush around the table and read whatever he was looking at. Not yet, he said slowly. A couple are close, but youre the first of your cohort to pass. My mind started to spin as worry started to invade. So Im going to be alone out there? I said. Not at all, Rodgers was quick to reassure me. There are so many kids in the Academy, but most are a little older than you. Oh, I said, looking down at my hands. That made things worse. Youll be able to meet some of them tomorrow or when you start your lessons on Monday. My breath caught in my throat. Ill have lessons with them? I asked, my voice coming out more high-pitched than I meant it to, but Rodgers didnt seem to notice. Some. It depends on the class, he explained. In some, youll be with trainees from other cohorts who have the same level of knowledge in the topic as you, but for others, youll be by yourself for now. As more of your cohort pass their induction period, theyll join you. I dont think youll be having any one-on-one classes permanently. I watched as he scanned the screen, searching for the answer before nodding. My heart was racing. The idea of being in a class with other people who were probably older and had been in the Academy for longer than I had scared me so much, but I also hated the thought of being by myself. It would be horrible. At least if I were with other people, the teacher wouldnt pick on me. I could look to the other trainees to answer them. It wouldnt be permanent, I tried to reassure myself, but it didnt help. It was still happening. Id still need to put up with it for a while, and I wasnt sure how long that would be. Rodgers said some people were close to passing, but that could be any amount of time. Until then, I would be alone in the Academy, surrounded by other people who all terrified me. I knew I was being a wimp, but I couldnt help it. I tried to push the fear aside, though. That wasnt who I was in that world. I was better than that, braver. I didnt need to be scared or worried about what was going to happen. Forcing myself to sit up straighter and stop gripping my hands quite so tightly, I looked at Rodgers and asked, What happens now? Rodgers examined me for a moment, but I held his gaze, ignoring my still racing heart. A smile grew on his face. He looked almost proud. Thats up to you, really, he said. Either you can go to your dorm and grab anything you want to bring to the main school, toiletries, your uniform or whatever else you might want, or we can head there now. Youll be able to order anything you need once you get to your room, and someone can collect your suitcase and belongings later, if youd prefer. Id made my decision before hed even finished speaking. I hated the idea of leaving without seeing the others. Even just Rodgers mention of it made guilt shoot through me. I knew that I wasnt going to leave without seeing them if I could help it, but still, I felt horrible. Theyd think that Id been kicked out; I knew that they would. It was too soon for me to pass the induction, too soon for anyone to pass it, really. It still didnt make sense, but if I told them myself, that would be better. I might be able to get them to understand, even if I still couldnt. Plus, I did need to go back to our dorm. I had stuff there that I knew I should probably bring with me. My suitcase was still tucked under my bed, and it felt weird to leave it there. I hadnt even opened it since Id gotten to the Academy, but I had to take it with me. It was the only thing I had from home, and I didnt want to leave it behind. Id like to go to my dorm first, I said. But can I go back to the library and see my friends before I go, too? Rodgers hesitated, and I watched his face hopefully. Yes, he said eventually, And Im really sorry, but I am going to have to ask you to be careful about what you say to them. His tone worried me. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. What can I say? I asked, fear starting to nip at me again. Can I tell them Ive passed? You can, but you cant repeat anything else weve spoken about, Rodgers said, looking uncomfortable. They might ask you how to pass the induction too, and Id really appreciate it if you just say youre not sure. I nodded. I will, I promised. Why cant I mention the dedication and aptitude stuff? Ms Brice told me about it before, and Im pretty sure it was in a textbook, too. It wouldnt be fair, Rodgers replied with a sigh that made me think he didnt necessarily agree with what he was saying. If they know how important it is, they might work harder for the wrong reasons. It wouldnt be them showing that they want to learn but that they just want to pass, and that makes things difficult for us. Oh, I said. It kind of made sense, but I didnt think it really mattered. I knew my friends well, and I was pretty sure it wouldnt change how much effort they were putting in. They were already spending so much time in the library and doing extra reading. Theyd still do that if they knew it was what the teachers were looking out for. Yeah. Sorry, Rodgers said. Its fine, I replied quickly. I wasnt planning on telling them anything. I just didnt want them to worry about me. Rodgers expression brightened, and he smiled. Im sure they wont, he said before reaching towards something on the floor. Well, Ive got this for you in case you want to pack anything. Ill wait down here until youre ready to go, if you dont mind, but please dont take too long. I didnt eat enough for dinner, and I want to get to the canteen before they finish serving for the evening. He held the bundle of fabric out to me, and I took it from him automatically as confusion washed over me. Dinner? It was dinner time. Or later than that. I had no clue. I remembered having a meal a few hours before, but that was lunch. Or at least, I thought it was. It felt like lunch. Was I missing something? Had I missed a few hours? I didnt recall going to dinner, and some of the day was a blur, but was that normal? I couldnt perfectly remember every day, but that was fine. It was the same in real life. I didnt remember every single hour; they blurred together, but I generally wasnt missing chunks. Maybe it was normal. It could have been. Id had a busy day, been in and out of the world a lot. Perhaps that was why. Yeah, thats the Academy crest, Rodgers said, smiling down at the bag in my hands fondly. Its pretty subtle, I think, but I like it. I blinked, pushing my worries aside and actually focused on the emblem embroidered into the navy fabric. Rodgers was right; it was subtle. There was nothing about the shield, emblazoned with a roaring lion and topped with a crown, that really caught my eye. The red and gold stitching was flawless, but it could have been anything. I wouldnt have been surprised if it was the logo for some fancy private school. Me too, I agreed. Fantastic. Do you have any other questions, or are you ready to go? Im ready to go see the others, I said quickly, my heart skipping a beat. I knew that was probably what he meant. He wasnt asking if I was ready to leave the induction wing without seeing them, but I didnt want to risk it. Wed already talked about it, already agreed to it, but it was still a worry I had. Great. Ill be right here when youre ready, he said, clearly dismissing me. I nodded and stood, my legs barely wanting to hold me up. I felt strangely numb. I was still in shock, but the feeling was slowly draining out of me, leaving me with nothing. Exhaustion. That remained. I had no real reason to be so tired, but I was. It was the thought of what was to come. I was preemptively drained by it, and that was stupid. I couldnt help it, though. The next few however long it would be until the rest of my friends joined me in the Academy, were going to be tough. It was going to be stressful and tiring, and Id constantly be surrounded by new people and feel out of my depth. But I was excited, too. It was muted, tentative, but definitely there, I realised as I reached the door and glanced back at Rodgers, who had begun typing again. He looked up at me for a second, and I held my breath, waiting for him to say that it was just a joke and I hadnt passed yet. It was a test, maybe. They wanted to see how Id react to being told that or maybe the disappointment of not actually being ready, but Rodgers simply smiled at me before looking back down at his screen. Slowly, I let out the breath I was holding and walked through the doorway into the empty hall. My hands were shaking, and I squeezed them into fists, gripping the bag tighter and trying to work out if it was fear or excitement that was making me tremble, but it was impossible to know. The Academy was what I wanted, I told myself, half believing it. And it was going to be fun. The teachers had all told us that. There was so much we couldnt do in the induction wing that wed be able to do once we passed and were let out into the main building. I was going to miss it, though. The induction wing. I hadnt been there that long, not really, but it felt kind of like home. Not exactly like it. I felt safe there. I didnt know everyone in my cohort, and I was fully aware that there were weapons and countless things in the wing that could hurt me, but I was comfortable there. I didnt feel like that often, and I liked it. A strange feeling of melancholy slipped over me. I wasnt ready to leave. There was so much that I still didnt know, and although I knew I wasnt expected to know everything before going, I wanted to. It would make me feel better about it. It wasnt just what I didnt know that was making me worry; there was something else. I was the first trainee from my cohort who had passed the induction. That was terrifying. There would be so much pressure on me to do good and be well-adjusted by the time the next person comes out. I had to be. I wanted to set a good example for them and also be able to show them around the Academy and let them know what it was like, but that felt like so much pressure. More than I was capable of withstanding. Somehow, I was at the library doors already. I didnt push them open, though. I didnt really want to. Once I opened the doors, the others would see me, and Id need to talk to them. I wanted to, obviously, but Id need to tell them what was going on, and I didnt know how to. I should have thought about it on the walk back. That would have been much better than just spending the entire journey oscillating between panicking and being gripped by excitement, but I didnt, and Id run out of time. But I needed to at least pull myself together a little before I saw them. I probably looked terrible. Raising a hand, I pushed the hair back from my face and sucked in a deep breath, standing up taller. That was a good start, and I started to reach for the doors before stopping myself. Dizziness washed over me as I pulled back from the world ever so slightly. I didnt want to leave it properly; I just needed to know what was happening in my world. If wed gotten to the cafe already, and I had to talk to my mom, it would make things more difficult for me. Id be having two conversations where I probably had to be careful and choose my words deliberately, and that would be hard to do. Luckily, we were still driving. I glanced around, checking to see where we were. Relief washed over me. I wasnt sure where we were going exactly, but I could tell we werent close to a town yet, and that meant I had time to speak to my friends before Id need to talk to Mom. Returning to my other world, I took another deep breath and looked down. The bag Rodgers had given me was still balled in my fist. Id been clutching it ever since Id left his classroom, but I quickly lifted it onto my shoulder, taking a moment to appreciate how nice it felt. The material was so thick and heavy, the strap woven and clearly well made. It felt expensive, not that I had much experience with expensive bags. Would the others ask me about the bag? I wasnt sure, but the thought worried me. They might think that I was rubbing it in their faces that I was able to leave the wing and they couldnt. I didnt want them to feel like that. It wasnt my intention at all, but they could easily misinterpret it and think the worst. There wasnt anywhere for me to stash the bag, though, and it was too big to fit in my pockets. I shook my head, trying to stop that thought. It was unnecessary. No one would think that I was showing off. Theyd just assume that Rodgers had given me the bag to pack, which was exactly what had happened. I was just overthinking everything and panicking so that I didnt need to actually face anyone yet, but that was stupid. Id need to do it at some point, and Rodgers had asked me to be quick. Id completely forgotten about that, somehow. Shoving the library door open before I could stop myself, I marched into the room. It was silent and empty at first, but I knew my friends would still be in the room at the end where I left them. I walked through the aisle as fast as I could, my gaze bouncing around as nerves built within me, settling slightly when my eyes found them through the window. They were still watching videos, I could tell from the muffled sound, but it was clear they werent really paying attention to it. Abbies gaze was fixed on the floor, and Katie gnawed at the skin around her fingernails, her expression worried. Even Seth looked concerned. As I watched, he shifted in his chair and glanced through the window, scanning the room. His eyes widened as they fell on me, and I saw his lips move as he said something. The others looked up immediately, staring at me. There was a moment when no one moved before Abbie scrambled to pause the lesson, and they jumped out of their chairs. Katie raced down the aisle and crashed into me, hugging me tightly. I thought youd been kicked out! she cried. I was so worried. Its okay. Im not leaving, I told her, hugging her back and feeling the bag start to slip down my arm. Katie squeezed me harder for a couple of seconds before pulling back. Are you okay? she asked. What did Rodgers want? I hesitated, my mind racing as I tried to form an answer, but I couldnt think of a good way to phrase it. Why are you carrying a bag? Abbie asked, her eyes fixed on it. The others glanced at it, and I quickly adjusted the strap, putting it back onto my shoulder. Umm I started. Ive passed No one said anything. They all just continued to stare at me, and I stared back. Their faces were blank, and there was nothing to give away how they were going to react until Katie spoke. What? Yeah, I said, shifting uncomfortably. Thats what Rodgers wanted to talk to me about. Ive passed the induction period. Oh, my god! she shrieked, throwing her arms around me again. Well done! Her words seemed to shatter the tension, and I saw Scott break into a smile. Yeah, congratulations! he said. I grinned at him and Abbie, who stood just behind him and was smiling too, before looking at Seth. Id been worried about his reaction, but the moment I saw him, I knew I had no reason to be. He was smiling widely, and as soon as Katie let go of me, he pulled me into a hug. Thats awesome! he said into my ear. You deserve it. 3.27 Its not forever. A smile came to my face as I hugged Seth back, my eyes shutting. It felt kind of strange to be pressed against his body. Id hugged people before, obviously, but never really a guy that I wasnt related to. Duncan had hugged me a couple of times, but he was probably the only one before Seth. I liked it, though. Self-consciousness washed over me. Wed been hugging for too long, and I wasnt sure what to do. Was Seth waiting for me to pull back? Or did he just not want to let go yet? I wasnt sure, but I loosened my grip on him, just in case. His arms tightened around me for just a second before he did the same. As I pulled back, I couldnt help looking up at him. His eyes found mine before darting lower. He was looking at my lips, I realised. Nerves shot through me, and my eyes flicked away from his. He was slightly taller than me, just tall enough that Id need to stretch up on my tiptoes to be able to kiss him. It wouldnt be too much of a stretch, though. A soft sound came from behind me as someone moved slightly, and I pulled back, remembering that there were other people there. I wasnt sure how Id managed to forget, but I had. Embarrassment washed through me as I felt my cheeks heating up. Id actually been debating kissing Seth with the others right there. So? Katie asked as I stepped away from Seth, a smirk on her face. What happened? What did Rodgers say? I hesitated as Rodgers request echoed in my ears. Hed asked me not to tell anyone what wed spoken about, and Id said I wouldnt. It felt like an easy thing to agree to at the time, but it meant I had no clue how to answer Katie. I couldnt, not really. He didnt say much, I said awkwardly. Just that Ive passed, and Im moving out of the induction wing. That felt like an okay response. It was better than saying nothing, and surely Rodgers would be okay with it; I didnt give them any details, and I didnt exactly lie to them. It was the best that I could do, but it seemed like Id said the wrong thing. The smile slipped from Katies face, and I felt the atmosphere in the room change. Youre leaving? Katie asked, her eyebrows drawing together. Now? Scott added, sounding surprised. My eyes flicked between them. Yeah. That makes sense, Abbie said, her tone subdued. Theres no point in you staying here if youre ready to go. I had to bite my lip as the urge to tell them that I wasnt ready bubbled up within me. I didnt feel it. It was too scary. Id be alone out there in the Academy, and I didnt want to be. But I couldnt say that to them. Even just thinking it felt so childish and immature. It would make me sound like a kid, clinging to their parents leg and begging them not to leave them alone at school. And thats exactly how I felt. The tutors decided that I was ready, though. Rodgers too. They all thought that Id done enough and could move out, so I had to. I didnt want to disappoint them and had no other option. If I said that I wasnt, it would look terrible. Theyd know how much of a coward I was, and I couldnt do that. I wanted to be a spy, and they were brave, so I had to do that. Katies lips started to stretch up into a smile, but the expression didnt reach her eyes. She somehow still looked sad, even though she was hiding it well. Shed done it before, I realised. She must have had a lot of practice. I did, too. Maybe that was how I looked when I made myself smile so people wouldnt ask questions. Or perhaps I was better at hiding it. I could still see how upset Katie was. If people could see that when I did it, they probably would have asked to make sure I was okay, wouldnt they? So what now? Katie asked, her tone slightly too upbeat. I need to grab a few things from our room, and then Rodgers is going to take me through to the main part of the Academy, I said, hiking the duffle back higher on my shoulder. Great! Well come with you, Katie decided, taking me by surprise. I wasnt sure why, but I didnt expect them to do that. I thought Id have to say goodbye to them quickly in the library and then go to my dorm by myself, but I was glad. It meant I got a little bit longer with them, and I knew that if I did go alone, Id spend the entire time when I was meant to be packing, panicking and worrying. At least with them there, Id be distracted from having to think too much. Katie grinned at me as she started to turn, but Scott spoke, stopping us from walking away. Wait, are we allowed to come with? he asked, gesturing towards Seth, who looked confused. Yeah, I dont see why not? Katie said, looking equally baffled. Scotts cheeks started to colour. You know because its a girls dorm, and people might think somethings going on Scott trailed off, and I glanced at Katie. Her eyes widened as she realised what Scott was implying. Im sure itll be fine, Seth said, his tone smooth and confident. Scott glanced at him, his expression uncertain, before nodding. Katie didnt even look at Scott as she turned and started to move towards the exit. I followed her, trying to hide the smile that came to my face. The way they acted with each other was just so cute. It was so obvious they were into each other, but neither said anything. They must have known, though. Scotts feelings towards Katie seemed so clear every time he even just looked at her, and she didnt hide hers much better. Even after how much theyd kissed during truth or dare, they still were trying to hide it. Part of me wanted to just say something so that they could just start dating. So Abbie said, causing me to glance back at her. Was there a test or something that you had to pass? I looked away quickly as panic flared in my heart. How was I meant to answer her? Id managed to get around talking about it before when Katie had asked me, but it seemed impossible to avoid it any longer. The question was too direct. I couldnt just say no and leave it there, but I also didnt want to lie. My mind raced as I tried to think of something to say. Nothing felt good enough. Every single thing I thought of was either a complete lie or would invite more questions, and I didnt want to do that either. But I needed to answer her. She was waiting for me to. I could feel her eyes burning into the back of my head as Seth pulled the library door open for us to walk through. I glanced up at him, smiling distractedly, but I had to look away again too quickly. He was watching me, and I didnt want him to see the indecision on my face. He was too attentive, too aware. Hed know something was going on. Not really I replied finally. It didnt feel like enough, and annoyance flared within me, but I knew I couldnt say more. I didnt want to get them or myself in trouble. Did you get told not to tell us? Seth asked, causing me to wince. I knew it. I shouldnt have looked at him in the first place. He always saw too much of me, and that made me so uneasy. His question worried me, too, even though his tone hadnt been judgemental. Yeah, I said awkwardly. Oh, I heard Abbie say. But I didnt do a test or anything, I hurried to say, wanting to reassure her and choosing my words carefully. I didnt really do anything special. Its just what weve already been doing I trailed off, scared that Id said too much. I hadnt, not really. I mean, I didnt tell them to focus more on learning or anything like that. It was just the truth. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. Mmm, Seth said, his expression thoughtful. So if we keep doing what were doing, we might pass soon, too? Katie asked quietly, but I could hear the excitement in her voice. Yeah, I agreed, opening my mouth to say more before shutting it again. It felt risky to say anything more, but I really wanted to tell them that Rodgers had said some people were close to passing. They would have asked me who, I realised, and I had no clue. I should have asked Rodgers. He might not have answered, but I should have at least asked. Even if I couldnt tell the others, it would have been nice to know. Maybe it wasnt any of them, though. It could have been someone else in our cohort. One of the others that I barely knew, perhaps. I hoped not. I was going to be in the main Academy without anyone I knew, and it would be nicer to have one of my friends there. Plus, it made sense for it to be one of them. Id passed because of how hard I was working, and they were all doing the same. We went to the library and studied together. If I passed, they should too. Unless there was something else holding them back. Maybe they had to have more medical tests or something. Worry started to creep into my mind, making my stomach turn. They all had more appointments than I did, I realised slowly. I could remember them leaving class a few times, and I didnt know why. Katie said hers was about her ADHD. She had to have her medication changed or something. Apparently, shed been on it for years, and her dad stopped taking her to the checkups., so it hadnt been working properly for a while. Scotts appointments were for his shoulder, I was pretty sure. Hed dislocated it early on whilst climbing before hed started joining me for the lessons with Rodgers. He had to have physical therapy on it to make sure he didnt cause permanent damage. Hed told me about that before, but he said it was healing well, so it probably wouldnt hold him back from passing the induction. I wasnt sure about Abbie and Seth, though. Abbie hadnt said anything about her medical appointments, and I hadnt asked. It felt wrong to, but I wished I had. It would have been nosy, but at least I would have known what was going on with her and if she was okay. Surely, she wouldnt have passed the testing if there was an issue, though. She had her meeting early on. They probably would have mentioned it then, or they would have kicked her out. Unless it was a minor thing, like a vitamin deficiency or something. Someone had mentioned those early on and said they were really common. Maybe they were just waiting for that to be sorted before passing her too. Seth worried me, though. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye as we walked through the wing. He had the most appointments out of anyone, and I had no clue why. It was probably nothing, though, I tried to reassure myself. Like Abbie and the rest of us, he passed the testing, and he wouldnt have if there were a problem. The thought did make me feel a little better, but I was still worried. Katie looped her arm through mine, the touch making me jump slightly. Im going to miss you, she said, pouting at me. Seth laughed, and I glanced up at him in confusion. Its not forever, he said. I mean, Im going to miss you too, but well get to see you again soon, right? There was a hint of uncertainty and worry in his voice that made my heart start to race. He said hed miss me, too. Should I say it back? Or would that be weird? I wanted to tell him that I would, but it felt like too much. Plus, Katie had said it first. I couldnt just not include her. Im going to miss you guys, too, I said, smiling at Seth before looking away quickly. But yeah, Im sure it wont be too long until you all pass. I hope not! But at least when we get out of here, youll be able to show us around the Academy, Katie said, letting go of my arm and pushing the dorm door open. My heart clenched. I wasnt sure why, but the thought of being responsible for that scared me. It was something I was already worrying about, and Katie mentioning it just made me feel worse. Yeah, I agreed, but my tone was not as enthusiastic as I meant it to be. Luckily, I couldnt really worry about it too much. I was too distracted by a new worry. Seth was in our room. He was in my room. I shared it with the others, and the room was fairly tidy, but I still felt strange. It made me feel vulnerable, in a way, and I wasnt sure why. It was my room, where I slept and lived, and he was just standing in the middle awkwardly. Katie didnt seem to feel the same way. Shed walked straight into the room and dropped onto her bed, but she wasnt looking at me. Her eyes were on Scott. He hovered by the door as if expecting to be told to leave at any second. You dont need to just stand there, Katie called to him, making him jump and look at her with an almost guilty look. Come sit down. He hesitated for a few more seconds, his eyes darting around the room, before he walked towards her and perched woodenly on the edge of her bed. Katie met my gaze, a slight smile pulling at her lips. I returned the smile before looking away, my eyes finding Seth. I wasnt sure what to say to him. Part of me wanted to say that he could sit on my bed if he wanted, just like Katie had done, but I didnt have the confidence to. Ill start in the bathroom, I guess, I muttered, turning away from him. I mostly just wanted to get out of the room. It felt so awkward and uncomfortable, and I didnt know what to do. Plus, I did need to pack my toiletries, so I had a pretty good excuse not to be in there. Your room is pretty similar to ours, I heard Seth say from the bedroom. I started slipping my toothbrush and toothpaste into the side pocket of the bag, moving quietly and listening to hear the response. Oh, really? Katie said. Yeah. I mean, its identical, but ours is flipped. The beds are against the other wall. Huh, fair enough. Dropping my bottle of mouthwash into my bag, I turned and looked around the bathroom. I wasnt really sure what to grab. I had shampoo and conditioner, but it felt almost wrong to take it. It was like I was stealing, which I knew was stupid. I hadnt bought it, though, and the other girls might want to use it. They wouldnt be able to if I took it. But then, they had their own, so it was probably fine. And they could always order more if they wanted. Even so, guilt burnt within me as I placed the bottles into my bag before turning towards the sink again and grabbing a handful of sanitary towels from the basket there. I scanned the room carefully as I shoved them into my bag. We didnt have that much stuff, but I felt like I couldnt forget anything. It was stupid. I knew that I probably wouldnt get in trouble for it, but I couldnt just walk back into the induction wing if I had. Checking the room once more, I nodded to myself before leaving the bathroom and walking towards my wardrobe. Eyes followed me as I crossed the room, but I didnt look at them. I didnt want to. I knew that if I did, Id either get sad about leaving or Id get asked more questions, and I didnt want that. Instead, I just focused on shoving my clothes into my bag. Oh, they wear the uniform out there too? Abbie asked, and I glanced back at her. Umm yeah, I think so. Rodgers said I could bring it, so I assume so, I said, uncertainty rushing through me. I didnt know, actually, but I assumed they did. The Academy was a school, kind of. It made sense that theyd wear a uniform, but it could be different to the one that we wore in the induction. Id seen it, though. When Id gone for my meeting with Ms Brice and Rodgers, Id seen some of the other kids through the window. Theyd been wearing a uniform, I was almost certain. Huh, that makes sense, Katie said as I finished shoving the last of my clothes into the bag and zipped it up. My eyes scanned the room before landing on Seth, and my heart clenched. He was sitting on my bed. There was nothing scandalous about that, I knew, but it still made me feel a little unsteady. Have you got everything? he asked. I think so, I started to say before stopping myself. Oh, wait. My bags. The two suitcases Id brought from home were under my bed, and I walked towards it. Seths eyes remained on me as I bent down and pulled them out. Are you sure you have everything? Katie asked, standing up and looking around the room. You have your toothbrush? Yeah, got it, I said. Great. Are you ready to go? I hesitated, almost not wanting to answer. It felt like a big question, like I was telling them I was ready to turn my back and leave them behind, but I knew I was being ridiculous. I think so, I replied. Katies smile appeared forced as she climbed off the bed, and I had to look away as sadness started to pull at me. Id see them again soon, I reassured myself. It was only temporary. Do you want me to take your suitcases? Seth asked. I looked down at the bags, feeling bad. Umm, if you dont mind? Of course not, he replied, reaching out to take the handles from me. His fingers brushed against mine, and instinctively, I pulled my hand away. Guilt shot through me, and I smiled up at him, hoping that he wouldnt think I didnt want him to touch my hand. It wasnt that; he just took me by surprise, and I assumed it was a mistake. That was just my usual reaction to someone touching me. Okay, lets go, I guess, Katie said with a heavy sigh before turning and walking out of the dorm room. I followed her reluctantly, my feet dragging slightly as we started along the corridor and down the stairs. No one spoke as we walked, and I couldnt bring myself to break the silence. I didnt really have anything to say, and anxiety had started to build in me again. I was leaving the induction wing. In a few minutes, probably less time, I was going to leave the wing and probably never step foot in it again. Dizziness pulled at me as we turned a corner, and Rodgers classroom came into view, but I batted it away. I didnt want to return to reality. The timing was terrible. I was about to say goodbye to my friends and go into the main school for the first time. I didnt want to miss that. I knew I wasnt going to say goodbye to them permanently, but I had no clue how long it would take them to pass the induction period. If it took weeks until I got to see them again, I didnt want it to be just a memory and nothing more. My steps slowed as we pulled closer, and so did the others. I think we were all trying to drag out the last few seconds, but there was no point. The door to Rodgers classroom opened, and he stepped out into the hall. His eyes found us immediately, and a smile came to his face. I thought I heard you lot, he called. Hello. Good evening so far? Yeah, its been pretty good, Katie said, her tone making her words sound like a lie. Rodgers smile turned sympathetic. Ah, its always hard when a friend leaves, but youll see Grace again soon! he reassured us. Is there anything else you need to grab? I swallowed nervously. No. I think I have everything, I told him. Okay, great! Say your goodbyes, and lets go! 3.28 This place is incredible Awkwardness churned within me as I turned towards the others, unsure what to stay, but Katie pulled me into a hug without hesitation. Well see you again soon, she promised before letting go of me so Abbie could hug me too. Really soon, Abbie added as she squeezed me and stepped back. Seth paused for a second before wrapping his arms around me. He held me for slightly longer than the others, I couldnt help but notice. I didnt want him to let go. The hug was soothing and reassuring to me, even if it made everything feel too permanent. Part of me wanted to be able to just turn and walk away without really saying anything. Then, it would feel temporary. Like I would see them again in just a few days, but I knew that wasnt likely. Bye, Scott muttered as he hugged me stiffly once Seth had let go of me. Scott stepped back quickly, his eyes darting towards Katie, who was still looking at me sadly. It wont be too long, hopefully, I told them, glancing at Rodgers. The others did the same, carefully watching his expression for any hint or clue about when theyd pass the induction too. Rodgers didnt give anything away, though. He simply snorted and shook his head, clearly knowing what we were looking for. A wave of disappointment washed over me, and I tried to push it aside. Rodgers probably wasnt allowed to give us any clues, but I still hoped that he would. I just wanted to know that my friends were going to pass. Okay, shall we? he said, looking up at me. Fear sparked within me again, and I swallowed nervously before nodding. Here, Seth said, pushing the suitcase Id forgotten he was wheeling towards me. Oh, yeah. Thanks, I said, reaching out to grab it. Great, Rodgers said cheerfully. Lets go. Night, you lot! Night, they chorused back much less happily as we turned away from them and started walking down the corridor. My heart pounded, and anxiety tore through me, making it harder to breathe. We were about to do it. To leave the induction wing. I wasnt ready, but I was doing it anyway, and it was too late to stop it from happening. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to hide how much I was panicking from Rodgers. The movement caused the strap of the duffle bag to slip from my shoulder, and I fumbled to pull it back up whilst also wheeling the two suitcases. Here, let me take one, Rodgers offered, holding his hand out for one of my bags. I hesitated, guilt building in my stomach. It felt wrong to let him take the bag. He was injured, and walking was already difficult for him. It would be even harder for him to do it whilst dragging a suitcase. Its okay, I said as we approached a corner. I can manage both. Rodgers raised an eyebrow at me. Hand it over, he said firmly. Okay, I muttered. Still, I paused before passing the bag to him. He took it immediately, his expression determined as he continued to walk without breaking stride. See, he said with a grin. I can handle it. I returned the smile, trying to ignore the guilt in my stomach as Rodgers turned the corner. I hesitated, glancing back to see if the others were still there. They were. They stood outside Rodgers classroom, watching me leave. The urge to run back towards the built within me, but I forced myself not to move. Instead, I lifted a hand, waving to them. Seth returned the wave, a sad smile appearing on his face, and I had to look away. Hurrying to catch up with Rodgers, I felt his eyes on me. He didnt say anything, though, and I was glad. I didnt want to speak. I didnt want him to ask me if I was okay. I just wanted to stay silent for a little while. Luckily, he seemed to understand that. We walked through the induction wing in silence, the quiet brush of the suitcase wheels and our footsteps on the floor the only sounds. After a couple of minutes, we stopped outside a door, and I eyed it. It looked like the one wed gone through on the way to my meeting with Ms Brice and Rodgers, but I wasnt sure. I hadnt really been paying attention on the way, and every corridor looked the same in the induction wing, so it was hard to tell. A creeping sensation slipped down my spine, and I looked around again. It did all look the same, and that reminded me of somewhere. Somewhere Id been before in another world. The hospital or lab or whatever it was. Every hallway there looked identical, and there were hardly any markers on the doors, just like in the induction wing. Everything was just blank. Intentionally forgettable so that if I ever got out, Id be lost and unable to find my way. I shuddered and pushed that thought from my mind. The Academy was different from the hospital Id been in. It was a different world, but I was locked into the induction wing too. I wasnt an experiment, though. And I was locked in for a different reason. I knew that. It wasnt permanent. I was almost sure of that. The door before us clicked loudly, and Rodgers pulled it open, nodding for me to go through before him. Reluctance thumped in my heart, and I hesitated for just a moment before stepping forward. I waited before walking any further, half expecting Rodgers to slam the door behind me and lock me in alone, but he didnt. Sorry for the lack of ceremony, he said, spotting me staring at him. Normally, Id take you through a different way so you can see the Academy from the outside for the first time, but theres no point in doing it now. Oh? I said, trying not to show how nervous I was. Its dark out, he said with a shrug as we continued down the corridor. You wont get the full effect. It makes more sense to just go through this way. Safer, too. Curiosity mingled with my anxiety, and I fought to think of something to say. I wanted to ask what he meant, but I wasnt sure that I wanted to know. That makes sense, I said. Yeah, Rodgers agreed as he pulled another door open for me. Ill give you the tour in the morning instead, if you dont mind? Um yeah, thats fine, I said nervously, fighting the urge to insist on having a tour immediately. Great, Rodgers said, continuing down the corridor at a leisurely pace. For now, Ill just show you to your room and then swing by the canteen. I nodded without adding anything. I didnt know what to say. My new room scared me, which felt stupid. It was the anticipation; thats what was worrying me. I didn''t know what to expect. Shifting the duffle bag on my shoulder again, I forced myself to look around, recognising the corridor. I was right before. It was the way wed come for my meeting with Ms Brice and Rodgers, I realised. Her office was right ahead of us. The door was shut, but even so, I felt myself slowing slightly as we passed it. I was pretty sure she wasnt in there; Rodgers had muttered something about her not being at the school, but I still kind of hoped she was. I wanted to see her, even if she intimidated me. Her presence was reassuring, and part of me wanted her to see that Id passed the induction. I wanted to show her how hard I was working, even though I knew she was probably aware that Id passed. Shes away at the moment, Rodgers said, noticing Id fallen behind a little. My cheeks started to flush, and I hurried to catch up with him. Oh yeah, you said something about that before, I mumbled. Yeah. Shes been whisked off to some distant corner of the country to deal with some stupid emergency, Rodgers said, rolling his eyes at me. His tone made it sound like it wasnt a big deal, but I was still concerned. An emergency seemed bad, even if he said it was stupid. Oh, really? I asked, trying not to sound too curious. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Oh yeah. Dont worry, youll get used to it. Every few weeks, something happens, and she has to fly off to deal with it, he told me as we went through another set of doors. Every time, without fail, shes told its an emergency, and every single time, it isnt. Or, at least, not a proper one. Its never a major threat, just a minor one. But shes the only one who can deal with it, apparently. Rodgers sighed dramatically, and I smiled. That sounds tiring, I said, unable to think of a better word. I bet it is, Rodgers agreed. Ive gone to a handful of those conferences or talks, and I dont know how she does it. I almost punched the Deputy Prime Minister of Italy the last time I went to one. Oh really? Yeah, Rodgers said darkly. Im not a big fan of violence, but that man deserves a punch. His tone made it clear he regretted not being able to hit him, and I wasnt sure what to say to him. Part of me wanted to ask what had happened, but I felt like I shouldnt. It was probably a secret, something he wasnt allowed to talk about, but that didnt help my curiosity. We turned a corner, and I paused, my steps faltering. We were in the Academy. The main part of the school. It happened so quickly. One moment, we were walking along a normal corridor, and the next, we were there. There was an ever so slight shift that I couldnt quite put my finger on, but it made me certain that we were there. It looked like a school, in a way, but it was nicer than any Id ever set foot in. The corridor was wide, the ceilings tall, and the wooden floor was perfectly shined. Every door we passed was open, and I couldnt stop myself from peering into them, my eyes wide as I tried to soak everything in. They looked like normal classrooms, with rows of desks facing the front of the room where I assumed the teachers desk was. There werent that many desks in each one, though. The classes must have been small, I realised, as I stared into another room, spotting a skeleton in the back corner. There was something strange about it. I could see words written on each of the bones. Would I be expected to know the name of every bone in the human body, I worried as we passed the room. Maybe that was something wed learn in class, but I wasnt sure. Perhaps other people already knew them. I should start to memorise them, just in case. I could do that in my other world, in reality. The bones were probably called the same thing; everything else seemed the same from what Id seen up until then. My worries were cut short as we emerged into a large room. I felt my mouth drop open as I looked around at the huge space. It was the entrance hall of the school. An impressive-looking staircase curled around the far wall, stretching up several floors, but apart from that, the space was mostly empty. It made sense, really. It was a school. Kids probably went through it every day. If there were anything in there, it would probably get knocked about as people rushed to get to class. I looked around again, my eyes falling on the tall wooden doors. Fear prickled within me again as I eyed the heavy-duty locking system on the back of them. Thick metal bars lined the dark oak and seemed to plunge down into the ground. There was no keyhole or number pad anywhere. It looked impossible to open them. A laugh came from beside me, and my head whipped around to stare at Rodgers. I know, he said, holding one hand up reassuringly. They look scary, but you dont need to worry about them. Theyre not to keep you or the other students in. Its to keep everyone else out. He was clearly trying to make me feel better, but it didnt work. The thought of a school, regardless of who went there, needing such intense security measures made me uncomfortable. Rodgers cocked his head at me, gesturing for me to move away from the doors. Glancing at them again, I started to follow him across the foyer, scanning the room closely. Only one wall, the one above the elevator doors we were moving towards, had any kind of decoration. Four portraits, each one equally imposing, hung on the stone wall. Two men and two women stared down at us, but I recognised one of the people. The almost challenging smirk matched the one on the badge pinned to my chest. Thats her, isnt it? I asked, staring up at her. Khan? Yes, Rodgers confirmed. I assume Hannahs already told you her story. I nodded, remembering it well from the day we were sorted into Khans house. Yeah. My heart still ached with sadness from what happened to her. She didnt deserve to be executed. Shed done so much; she deserved to live. I tore my gaze away from Khans face, looking at the other woman as Rodgers pushed the elevator button. She didnt radiate the same confidence as Khan. Khan stared straight ahead, an eyebrow cocked and a barely concealed laugh on her lips, but the other woman didnt. She wasnt even looking forward; she stared off to one side slightly, and there was no smile on her lips. A gentle ding came from the lift, and I jumped, staring at it as the doors opened. I hope you dont mind us using the lift? Rodgers asked as I walked into it. Stairs are still difficult for me. Its fine, I told him, hesitating before asking, Do you have to wear the knee brace much longer? Rodgers grimaced and looked down at it, causing guilt to flare within me. It felt like a rude question to ask. I hadnt meant it to be rude; I was just hoping he wouldnt have to. He seemed so annoyed by it. The sooner he could remove it, the better. That depends, he said with a sigh. Ive got another surgery coming up, and then well see how the physio goes. Shouldnt be more than another six months or so. There was a determination in his voice that made it clear the brace would be coming off in six months, even if he had to rip it off with his bare hands. I smiled, watching as he hit the button for the third floor, and the doors started to shut. The lift began to move immediately, and I stared at the buttons, concern growing in my stomach. There were three below the ground floor, and that made me anxious for some reason. I wasnt sure why, but it did. I opened my mouth, wanting to ask what they were for before fear stopped me from speaking. It felt too dangerous, like if I asked what was below the Academy, Id get dragged down there immediately. Anything could have been down there. Whats underground? I forced myself to ask, knowing I would just spend the entire time panicking until I found out. Rodgers glanced at me, seemingly intrigued by my question. Classrooms, mostly, he said. Its a clever loophole that the Academy found. The government bought the building a long time ago, and they wanted us to keep the facade fairly normal so no one suspects anything. Luckily, no one said anything about the subterranean levels. Rodgers grinned at me, and I returned the expression nervously. If there were classrooms down there, Id probably have to go there at some point, and I didnt want to. The idea of it scared me, and I wasnt sure why. Maybe I was just being paranoid, I told myself. That was probably what it was. I had no reason to be feeling so anxious. Dizziness started to pull at me as the lift chimed softly again, but I pushed it away. I wanted to see more of the Academy, not spend my time walking through it in a daze, barely aware of my surroundings. But the vertigo became stronger. I felt irritation burning within me as I pulled out of the world, returning to reality for just long enough to check what was happening there. I was pulling a door open for my mom, and my lips were moving. I wasnt sure what I was saying, but I didnt feel too worried. That was fine. I didnt need to be there, I told myself as I reached out for the dizziness again. Blinking to clear my vision, I glanced around at the corridor we were walking along. We hadnt gone far, luckily. Just a few metres. Muffled conversations came from behind the doors around us as we journeyed further into the school, sometimes accompanied by playful shrieks and laughter. Interest started to build within me. I wanted to know what was happening in the rooms. They seemed to be dorm rooms, judging by the names on the doors. Some of the rooms had three names, but others had only one. Curiosity burned within me, and I glanced at Rodgers, hesitating before speaking. These are the dorm rooms, right? I asked. They are. Why do some people have their own rooms? Because they prefer to, he said with a smile. We have a few different options here. Everyone gets assigned a room at first, based on what we think theyll prefer, but if were wrong, you can be moved. Really? I asked, unable to stop the word from slipping out. I didnt expect to have a choice, and immediately, I wasnt sure what I wanted to do. Sharing a room with Katie and Abbie had been nice, but I liked being alone sometimes too. Being around people all the time was tiring, but then being by myself wasnt always good either. It was too easy to start thinking too much and spiral. That happened less when there were other people around. Yeah, Rodgers told me. If at any point you decide you dont want to be in the room youve been assigned, you can just speak to your head of house, and shell get you moved. What kind of room have I been given? I asked. Am I in a dorm or by myself? Youve been placed in a shared room, he told me. But, obviously, youre the first of your cohort to pass the induction, so youll be by yourself for now. Hope fluttered in my chest. Do you know who else Ill be sharing with? Rodgers glanced at me, pausing before speaking again. I cant say just yet, but you should find out in a week or two. I will? I asked. Why cant you say? The question sounded rude. I realised that as soon as it left my lips, but Id already said it. I opened my mouth to apologise, but Rodgers let out a chuckle. Academy policy, he told me. Im not allowed to tell you in case something goes wrong and things get changed. Oh, I said, disappointment flooding me again. But it shouldnt be long, he said as he came to a stop. Alright, this is you. Great, I said, eyeing the door nervously and making no move to open it. My name was on the door, but there were blank nameplates underneath. Two of them. Did that mean I would be living with Katie and Abbie again? Hope started to grow within me again. It had to, right? They wouldnt put me with two random people that I didnt know, I didnt think. Ill leave you to unpack and get settled in. You should have everything you need in there. There are some snacks in case youre hungry, you can drink the tap water, and I think those are all the usual questions. Anything else you want to know? he asked. I dont think so, I replied, staring at the door again. I knew it was most likely just a room, but the idea of opening the door scared me. I didnt know what to expect, and that worried me. Great! Rodgers said before hesitating. This might sound strange, and I know youll probably want to ignore me, but can you just stay in your room tonight? The hair on the back of my neck started to stand on end as worry coursed through me. Okay I said slowly. Thanks, he replied, looking relieved. Normally, I wouldnt ask it of someone, but youve not had the tour yet, and it can be kind of dangerous around here if you dont know what to watch out for. Oh, I said. That makes sense. It did, kind of. It was a spy school. There were probably weapons and traps around. They probably wouldnt just be left out, though. That didnt sound safe. Yeah. Sorry. But Ill come and get you first thing in the morning for the tour, he said. Ill knock at eight. You should have an alarm clock in there. Make sure you set it so youre up in time. Great, I said. I cant wait to see everything. I really couldnt. Rodgers grin grew. You have no idea. This place is incredible, he told me. But, for now, go check out your room and get an early night. I nodded, taking a deep breath and reaching towards the handle as dizziness pulled at me once more. 3.29 People lied all the time. I tightened my grip on the door handle, gritting my teeth as I shoved the dizziness away as firmly as I could. Something was clearly happening in reality, and I knew that, but it didnt matter to me as much. I was about to enter my room at the Academy for the first time, and I didnt want to miss it. Plus, I could feel panic coming from reality, but not fear. That was fine. I could deal with it when I got back. The sensation retreated, hovering at the edges of my mind as I opened the door. It still demanded my attention, but I could ignore it and focus on the large room that awaited me. Hope leapt in my heart, and I looked back at Rodgers, a question on the tip of my tongue, but he held a hand up, cutting me off before I could even say anything. Im going to head to the canteen, he said firmly. Sleep well, and remember. Eight oclock. I nodded, wanting to ask him who my roommates were, but forced myself not to. Eight oclock, I repeated. Night. Rodgers smiled at me and turned, starting to walk away down the corridor as I looked back at the beds before me. Three beds. They had to be for Katie, Abbie and me, didnt they? That was what I wanted to ask Rodgers. It was too much of a coincidence otherwise, and surely, they wouldnt do that to me. He would have said, wouldnt he? Rodgers must have known what I was thinking; it was so obvious. He was a nice person. He would have tried to let me down gently rather than making me think that Id be sharing a room with Abbie and Katie again and then being disappointed when someone else showed up. My eyes roamed the room, and I felt a smile grow on my face. I hadnt even explored it properly, but I already knew that I liked it. It was big, a little bigger than the room Id had in the induction wing, but pretty similar. The layout was almost the same. The three beds were along one wall with bedside tables in between and wardrobes opposite. Except there were now separate chests of drawers, too. We didnt have those in the induction. I reached out, letting my hand trail along the slightly marked side of the nearest wardrobe. It was more lived in and used than the furniture in the induction wing. There were dents and chips in the dark wood that had been varnished over, whereas everything in the induction wing had been spotless. I think I preferred the furniture in my actual room, though. It had more life and made me think about who had stayed in the room before me. A spy, obviously. A field operative or maybe someone who worked behind the scenes. What were they doing now? Did they graduate from the Academy and keep working with them as a field operative, or did they run the moment they graduated and never look back? Maybe they were at university now, pretending to be a normal person, as if they hadnt spent the last however long learning how to kill people, analyse body language and defuse bombs. Did that ever go away? I couldnt help but wonder. After Id been at the Academy for a while and had gotten used to watching people and spotting when they were uncomfortable or lying or trying to hide something from me, would I ever forget it? Or would I spend the rest of my life watching people and being aware of those things? I couldnt work out if I wanted that or not. It would be helpful in a way. I struggled in social situations, and maybe if I understood people and what they were thinking better, Id do better, but at the same time, it sounded horrible. People lied all the time, especially in relationships. Id seen it with my parents. My mom barely told my dad the truth about anything. I think Id prefer to be naive to it, if I were in his situation. I wouldnt want to know just how much of our relationship was a facade. Blinking and trying to push that thought from my mind, I stepped further into the room, looking around. A gasp slipped out of my mouth, and I came to a stop, staring at the bay window in front of me as my heart fluttered in my throat. I wasnt sure why I loved bay windows, but I always did. I think there was one in a book I read once; Im not sure, but the idea of being able to curl up in one with my back against the glass whilst reading a book or studying has always sounded so great to me. I always wanted to do it, but Id never had the chance to. It just seems like such a soothing place to sit. The cushioned seat was perfectly firm, too. It was a little soft, but I knew it would be comfortable. With a smile, I lifted my eyes to the window, staring out over the grounds. It was the first time Id seen the grounds behind the school, and my breath caught in my throat. There was a forest, cloaked in darkness, just behind the school. There was a little space between the school and the forest, but not much. I loved that we were so close to the trees, just like at my grandparents house. I have always loved forests, even though they also scare me a bit. Especially at night. I couldnt help but be reminded of that as I looked out over the dark trees. I dont think Ive ever been in one in the dark, not properly, but the idea of it terrifies me. Not being able to see what or whos around me makes me feel on edge. If I cant see them, I cant be prepared for whatever is to come, and that would be worse in a forest. Theyre never quiet or still; that was the problem. During the day, it generally wasnt too bad. I could look around and see that there was no one there, but it would be different at night. Even just the thought of hearing the soft flutter of wings or the whistle of wind through the trees sent a shiver down my spine. Laughter floated down the corridor behind me, and I jumped, spinning around. I darted towards the door, trying to keep my footsteps as quiet as possible before silently closing it. I didnt move away from the door. I couldnt. I felt frozen to the spot, unable to even breathe, as I heard the footsteps come closer before passing by. Relief washed through me, making my knees feel weak. It was stupid, and I knew it, but I didnt feel ready to see anyone. I didnt want to talk to anyone. I was too on edge, and the thought of talking to someone who was smarter and more experienced than me made my stomach curdle. I couldnt help but imagine their barely concealed smirk as they stared down at me, an eyebrow raised. I was the first person out of the induction wing for my cohort, and theyd expect more from me. Theyd assume that I was smart or strong or capable, but I was none of those things, and theyd see it in an instant. I knew that. Another sound came from further down the corridor, the bang of someone slamming their door, and I jumped, reaching towards the lock on my door. Tears burned behind my eyes, and I held my breath, hoping theyd go away. I wasnt even sure why I was so close to tears, but I couldnt help it. I was being a baby. Thats what the problem was. I was pathetic. The Academy just felt so big and scary, and I didnt know what to do. It felt like Id been dropped into the deep end of a pool, and I couldnt get to the edge. I was out of my depth, but there was nothing that could be done. The thought of the small, enclosed and safe induction wing fluttered in my mind, reminding me how comfortable I had been there, but I couldnt go back, no matter how much I wanted to. How would I? I had to stay in my room until the morning; Rodgers had asked me to, and I couldnt disobey him. At first, I did actually want to. So briefly, Id felt the urge to explore the Academy, but I was kind of glad I couldnt. It would make me feel worse, I was certain of it. It would just make me too aware of how big it was, and I didnt want that. Instead, I could just stay in my room and do nothing until morning. That would be okay. I sucked in a deep breath, looking around the room. It would be okay, I told myself, trying to believe it. I had no one to talk to and nothing to do. I was completely alone for the first time since I got to the Academy however long ago it had been. It felt like a lifetime. A lifetime since Id been by myself. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. Id gotten used to it fast, I realised as I perched on the end of one of the beds, staring around the room blankly and barely taking anything in. The constant company and noise had become so normal to me. Even when I was in the bathroom, I wasnt really alone. Abbie and Katie were just beyond the door, talking or just reading. Even when they were reading, it wasnt truly quiet. Not like it was in my new room. There was the soft flutter of pages, the occasional conversation or rustle of bedding. My room had none of that. I could hear some noise in the rooms around me, but that was it. It wasnt enough to distract me from my racing heart and the trembling in my hands. I had to do something. Jumping up, I looked around my room, searching for anything else to focus on. The thought of leaving the world and returning in the morning when Rodgers came for me didnt even occur to me. I didnt even realise it was an option. Instead, my eyes fell on my bags. Id just left the suitcases by the door and dropped my duffle bag on the bed nearest the window. I needed to unpack. It was my room now, and I was probably going to be staying there permanently. It didnt make sense to be living out of my bags. It was messy, I told myself as I stood and walked towards my bags. I needed to unpack, and then Id feel more settled. It would help. I wasnt sure if I completely believed it, but it motivated me enough to be able to drag the suitcases towards the bed nearest the window. It was the same bed that Id had in the dorm, and I didnt want to go for a different one. It sounded stupid, but I knew that if I went for the bed on the right of the room again, it would make me feel better. I might be able to convince myself, just for a moment, that I was back in the dorm with the others. Slipping the suitcases under the bed, I started to unpack the bag Rodgers had given me. It was just my uniform and toiletries and would be nowhere near enough to fill the wardrobe or chest of drawers, but I couldnt bring myself to start on the suitcases Id so hurriedly packed ages ago. They were a mess, and I knew that. It would take too much mental energy to deal with. Dizziness came for me again as I grabbed a hanger out of the wardrobe, and I let it take me without hesitation. The exhaustion that had settled over me began to evaporate as I returned to reality, and I felt my body moving. I let it keep doing whatever it was doing as my awareness returned, and vertigo gripped me for just a moment. The glass mug touched my lip, and I took a sip of the drink inside instinctively. Bitterness invaded my mouth, followed by an almost overwhelming sweetness that made me want to wince. I fought to keep my expression as neutral as possible as I glanced down at the cup in my hand. I was drinking a coffee. I didnt expect that, and I looked around quickly, trying to work out what I had missed, but it just made me more confused. The cafe around us looked completely normal. It was just a small coffee shop, one that looked vaguely familiar. I couldnt recall exactly when Id been to it before, but I was pretty sure I had. Either that, or it just looked so generic that I was mixing it up with another. But nothing seemed wrong, and thats what was confusing me. Id been too dizzy. It had reached out to me many times when Id been at the Academy. Why? Nothing seemed wrong. Why would it have wanted me to return so much if there was no reason? My eyes found my mother, who was looking at me, a smirk playing on her lips. Had she asked me a question? Was that the issue? Maybe shed been peppering me with questions ever since we sat down, and Id slipped up and said the wrong thing. I couldnt remember her saying anything, though. The urge to speak built within me as I took another sip and saw my moms smirk grow. Hows your espresso? I asked. It was the only thing I could think to say to her. Fine, she said, lifting it to her lips again. Acceptable, I guess. They didnt burn the beans here like every other place weve been to so far, so at least theres that. Thats good? I said. I didnt know enough about coffee to say anything else. I had no clue what it meant to burn the beans or why that was a bad thing. I assumed it was a bad thing, at least. It normally was when something was burnt. Hows your latte? my mom asked after a long pause, judgment dripping from her words. Fighting the urge to roll my eyes, I took another sip. It was easier not to wince that time. I knew it was coming, so I was ready. Its delicious, I lied. It wasnt bad, exactly. It was just coffee, and I still didnt really enjoy it. I liked how it made me feel, though. It didnt do much, but it made my mind feel a bit clearer and less busy. A sneer came over my moms face. Does it taste like stick toffee pudding? she asked. I stared at her blankly, quickly taking another sip to cover up how confused I was by her question. Why would it taste like that? Was that the flavour Id gone for? I didnt remember ordering it, but it could have been. It didnt taste like sticky toffee pudding, though. Maybe I was just too inexperienced with coffee to pick the flavours out. There was a sweetness there and a hint of something else, but I had no clue what. My eyes found the specials board behind the counter, and relief washed through me. I narrowed my eyes, reading the notes quickly whilst trying to make it look like I was just thinking about Moms question. Mmmm, not really, I said, cocking my head and unable to stop myself from playing along. It mostly just tastes like caramel, but I think I am picking up a hint of the cinnamon. Theres a bit of fruitiness, too? I couldnt taste any of that, but the look of annoyance on my moms face made me glad Id said it. It was genuinely hard not to laugh. That sounds disgusting, she said. And full of sugar. Your teeth are going to rot straight out of your head before you even hit thirty. And after we wasted so much money on braces for you. Guilt fluttered weakly in my stomach, but I ignored it and focused on the relief that I felt instead as I realised that was probably part of the reason Id felt the dizziness before. Mom always made comments like that about how much sugar I was eating. Shed probably said something before when Id ordered it, and Id panicked and tried to pull myself back out of the other world. That made sense. Id made the right decision when I was on autopilot, or whatever it was that happened when I was in my other worlds. It was petty to think that, but the enjoyment Id felt at my moms annoyance did make it worth it. I had to be more careful, though. It was the wrong day to be purposefully annoying my mom. She was already on edge, and I needed to stop adding to it. Looking down at the coffee in front of me, I slipped out of the world. The words on the paper before me were written in English, but I stared at them blankly, unable to process what I was reading. Confusion rushed through me, and I looked around, trying to work out what Id missed. The mostly empty duffle bag lay on my bed again. I must have gotten distracted by something halfway through unpacking. That made sense. It happened a lot. I looked back down at the paper in my hand, trying to work out what I was doing. Setting the alarm, I realised slowly. Rodgers had told me to, and I must have decided to do it before I forgot and fell asleep without turning it on. Anxiety roiled in my stomach as I crouched down, moving closer to the digital clock and staring at it. Id never used a physical alarm clock before. Id always just used my phone, and the clock seemed more confusing. There were too many buttons, but I had to use it. The idea of falling asleep without setting it and not being ready in time scared me. I needed to make a good impression. The clock beeped loudly as I pushed the buttons, setting the alarm for six thirty. It was too early, but I knew there was no way Id be able to sleep in any later than that. Id be too worried about not having enough time to get changed and ready. Plus, I had to shower in the morning. I usually preferred to shower at night, but I wanted nothing more than to sink into my bed and sleep immediately. Id have enough time in the morning, anyway. And it would give me something to do other than pace back and forth, just waiting for Rodgers to knock. I started to straighten up before pausing. There was a buzzing coming from somewhere. A soft electrical hum. Straining my ears, I tried to work out where it was coming from, but it just sounded like it was coming from the bedside table. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach, and I shuffled backwards, trying to work out why there would be anything electric in there. There wouldnt be anything bad, though, I was pretty sure. Still, I was nervous as I leaned forward and opened the door. My mouth fell open, and I crouched down again to get a better look at what was inside. Rodgers had said there would be snacks in my room, but I didnt expect there to be a whole mini fridge. It was fully stocked, too. There were bottles of water and a couple of cans of fizzy drinks along with some fruit, cheese strings and crisps. And they were all my favourite flavours. A grin came over my face as I grabbed a bag of crisps before an idea came to me, and I stood up, walking across the room. Rodgers had said Id have the room to myself for at least a week, but The fridges in the other two bedside tables were empty. I knew they were probably going to be, but I was still a little disappointed. Mine contained more than enough snacks for myself, but that didnt stop me from wanting more. And, if the other fridges had been full, it would have helped. I knew what Katie and Abbie liked. If the fridges were stocked with their favourite things, I would have known theyd be moving in with me. Turning and looking around my room, I was hit with a wave of loneliness. Id felt it pulling at me a few times, but it still surprised me how strong it was. All excitement from the discovery of the fridges faded away, and I was lost. Sadness invaded my heart as I kicked my shoes off and padded across my room without bothering to get changed into pyjamas or turn the lights off. I didnt want to do anything else except curl up in my bed and wait for morning. 3.30 Someone died like a week ago Gradually, I felt myself drifting away. I didnt fight the dizziness that pulled at me, taking me away from the world where I was curled up on my bed, unable to do anything. Part of me wanted to cry. I could feel the urge bubbling up within me, but I couldnt bring myself to actually do it. It would take too much energy. But the loneliness was pervasive. I could feel it worming its way into my bones even as I floated in an empty space, not quite in any world. They both existed around me, but I was detached from them, numb to the worlds. All I felt was a vague, crushing sense that made me want to sink to the floor and never get up again. A flare of defiance blossomed within me. I was being ridiculous. The other worlds shouldnt have been making me feel so down, and I knew that. They were under my control. They had to be; they were nothing more than a figment of my imagination, so I shouldnt have been feeling anything other than happy. That was what I wanted, and I could control it. I could change the world so that I stopped being so lonely. It could work. I could speed up time until Abbie and Katie passed their induction, and then I wouldnt be alone. Seth and Scott, too. I wanted to see them again as well. But then Id miss things, and I didnt want that. Rodgers was meant to be giving me a tour of the Academy in the morning, and I knew it would still happen if I did speed up time, but it wouldnt be the same. It would be nothing more than a fleeting memory to me. So, I had to do something else. I needed another way to stop myself from being so alone. Maybe I could just bring my friends out. I could change how things were working in the world so they passed immediately, and then we could all go on the tour together. That would be so much more fun. I wouldnt have to skip anything, and we could all start class at the same time. Determination rose within me for a brief moment before fading. I knew it wasnt possible; it was just wishful thinking. The other worlds, or fantasies, or whatever they were, didnt work like that. They werent entirely under my control. Actually, they were barely under my control at all. If they were, things would have been different. I wouldnt have been killed or locked up or hurt or have experienced any of the bad things that had happened to me in the other worlds. I would just be happy. Or maybe I could control them and was just losing my mind. Perhaps I hated myself so much that I was allowing myself to be hurt. It could be self-inflicted. Intentional on some level. Maybe that was why I felt so lonely in the spy world. It was a punishment, kind of. Id made too many friends there. I was too happy in the Academy, and I didnt deserve it. That couldnt be true, though. My imagination wasnt that good. There was no way I could make so many weird and completely different worlds. I could create a couple, maybe, but not as many as Id visited already. Dizziness nudged at the corner of my awareness, and I lunged towards it, eager to escape the dark void containing nothing but my thoughts. Id already lingered there too long, and I didnt like it. It made me think about too much that I didnt want to consider. Even reality was better than that. My vision cleared just as a plate was placed on the table before me. I stared down at it, aware that I was staring but unable to stop myself. The food looked so good, and there was so much of it. There you go, dear, the waitress said with a smile. The cheese, potato and onion pie. I snuck you a few extra fries to apologise for not having the panini you wanted. Oh, thank you, I said, forcing myself to look away from the food to smile at her. It looks great. It really did. The pastry was a perfect golden brown, and I could see just how flaky it was without even having to cut into it, but it was the small mountain of chips that held my attention. They were flecked with herbs and scattered with shards of roasted garlic. The smell that wafted away from the plate made my mouth water and my hand itch to reach for a chip, but I forced myself to wait as the waitress gave my mom her salad. Belatedly, a wave of relief washed over me as I realised what the waitress had said, and the memory became slightly clearer. Id tried to order something else; I could recall that now. A cheese panini, but the cafe was out of bread somehow, and Id had to order something else. That was why Id been pulled back to reality a couple of times. It made sense. I hated making decisions and being put on the spot, especially with my mom there to judge me for whatever I chose. Even though it was just a memory, I felt a phantom pang of panic that turned my stomach. When the waitress had mentioned the pie was her favourite, Id jumped at it. I probably would have gone for anything shed suggested at that point, though. It was easier than having to look through the menu and decide with both her and Mom watching me. There we go. Is there anything else you need? Another coffee, perhaps? the waitress asked, looking between my mom and me. Ill take another espresso, Mom said. The waitress smiled at me expectantly, and I glanced at my mug. Somehow, Id almost finished the bitter yet overpoweringly sweet latte. Part of me wanted to order it again, but I was concerned it might cause my mom to explode with disapproval if I did. Shed been bad enough the first time; I could vaguely remember the snide comments, and two sugary coffees in one day might just tip her over the edge. She was already acting horribly enough without me doing much to make it worse. Just some water would be great, please, I decided. Fantastic. One espresso and a water coming right up, the waitress said before walking away. I gazed down at my food again. Moms eyes were burning into me, and I had to fight the urge to ignore her. I could have done it. If Id just picked up my fork and started eating, she would have had to blink or look away at some point. It wasnt worth the festering anger it would cause, though. Your salad looks good, I said, finally meeting her gaze. That wasnt a lie; it did look good. Not quite as incredible as my pie, but still good. The salmon fillet was speckled with herbs and rested on a bed of lettuce and other leafy things. There were even some little potatoes and other vegetables in there. It was one of the more interesting-looking salads Id seen before. If it werent for the salmon and whatever the weird-looking,shrivelled green things were, I probably would have happily eaten it myself. Mom didnt respond to what Id said at all. She simply raised an eyebrow and looked down at my food pointedly. I hope you dont plan on finishing all of that, she said in a tone that made it clear I should not. I know youve been more active than usual whilst youve been here, but it doesnt give you the excuse to binge. I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something stupid, reminding myself not to annoy her any more than I already had. I probably wont be able to finish it, I lied. It was a lot of food, but I could probably manage it. It smelt so good that I almost wanted to. I should hope not, Mom scoffed. I mean, did she really have to give you extra chips? Theyre going to go straight to your thighs. She didnt even look at me as she spoke, and that annoyed me more than her words. She was too busy checking her phone again, and I knew she wasnt texting anyone or even reading something. She was just making sure that shed not somehow missed a call from her parents. There was no way she could have. Her phone was on the loudest possible volume, and shed checked it every couple of minutes since we left the house. Im pretty sure she even checked it when she was driving. She normally did. She was so paranoid and scared that her parents would try to contact her, and if she didnt pick up, they wouldnt bother coming back to see us before we left. It didnt really matter, though. Her parents werent going to call her, and even if they did, they still wouldnt drive back to see us. We werent worth it to them, but she couldnt see that. Luckily, Mom was so distracted that I didnt need to say anything to her. Instead, I could just eat in peace. I sunk my knife into the pie, cracking the pastry open. Steam billowed out, and I found myself inhaling deeply. The deliciously rich and savoury scent was too tempting. I knew the filling was going to be hot, but I couldnt resist scooping up a forkful and taking a bite. If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. It was worth it. The molten, cheesy filling burnt my mouth, but I didnt care. It was just so good. I broke off a piece of the buttery pastry, letting my eyes flutter shut as I chewed. Swallowing my mouthful, I glanced at the pile of chips on my plate. Surely, they couldnt be as good as the pie. There was no way that everything could be that good, but the crunch that sounded when I speared a fry gave me hope. An audible noise of delight almost slipped out of my lips as I ate the chips, but I managed to catch myself just in time. They were so good. Perfectly seasoned with just a hint of garlic. I couldnt help but stab another forkful and shove it into my mouth. Honestly, she hissed, glaring at me. Its like you havent eaten in a week. I met her gaze, continuing to chew. No matter how good the food was, I didnt want to stay in reality and deal with my mom for any longer. She wasnt even being that bad, but I just didnt have the energy to do it. And I didnt need to. The Academy wasnt appealing to me, but that wasnt my only option. I could go anywhere else. That thought made me pause. Where did I want to go? I wasnt sure, really. Not to any of the worlds Id been before, I didnt think. They were all pretty scary, with a few exceptions. Mitchs face floated to the front of my mind, but I pushed it aside. I wanted to go back there and see him again so much, but I wasnt ready. It just scared me too much, and I couldnt bring myself to do it. Maybe one day. I hoped Id be able to go back there at some point. I really wanted to. It was the first and maybe the only place Id been where Id actually felt safe. The Sterlings were there, obviously, but even when they were shooting at me, it wasnt too bad. I knew that Mitch would protect me. And that was why I couldnt go back. If he was hurt, if he was dying I had to go somewhere else. There were other places that werent too bad. Like that world where I was a space pirate. That had been fun, but it was scary too. It felt too mature. I was an adult there, and it was weird. I wasnt ready for that. I was still young, and I wanted to do kid things, whatever that meant. There was another one, though. I could vaguely remember another world where I was in space for real, rather than just in the sky. I searched my memories, recalling flashes of the obstacle course wed done. It had been incredible and so fun, but even that felt too adult to me. There was a boy there. One who I was dating. We were going to go back to a room, just the two of us. Surely, there were other worlds out there where I could just be a kid and have a good time without having to worry about boys or my mom or anything else. Dizziness reached out towards me, but I batted it aside. It felt new, but somehow, I could tell that it was wrong. It wasnt what I was looking for. A different dizziness offered itself to me, but it didnt feel right either. Neither did the next. I could feel the hint of darkness within them. Something scary hid in the midst, and irritation rose within me as I continued to search. I just wanted something easy and fun. That couldnt be too hard to find, surely. Or maybe it was. Perhaps I was searching for something impossible. Whenever Id gone to other worlds, Id still been me. Different versions of me who lived different lives, but they were still me. I wasnt sure how I knew that, but I did. And maybe that was the issue. Perhaps I was the problem. I was looking for a world where I was happy and carefree and allowed to be a kid, but maybe that didnt exist. Perhaps I was destined to be miserable in every single world. Maybe that was what I deserved. If there wasnt a single world where I was happy, maybe that was a sign. Dizziness hovered at the edge of my mind, but I didnt reach out for it straight away. Something about it was different. The sensation felt new. It didnt make my head spin like the rest, but instead, it made my stomach clench, almost like I was on a roller coaster. I hesitated, mentally eyeing it for a moment longer and trying to work out why it felt so different before allowing it to wash over me. My eyes were closed. That was the first thing I noticed, but I wasnt really tempted to open them. The world didnt quite feel real yet, and I wanted to give it a little while longer. I could feel it becoming more solid as I waited. The ground under my back was slowly hardening, and my face was heating up. I must be outside, I realised as birds broke into song around me. It was a lovely day. I knew that before I even opened my eyes. The sun was shining down on us, but it wasnt too hot. It was the perfect temperature, and there was even a slight breeze. It caught my hair, making it brush against my face. The sensation was so light, so gentle, that it was easy to ignore at first, but once Id noticed it, it quickly became irritating. Hey! someone cried as I lifted my hand from under my head to tuck my hair behind my ear. Confusion washed through me, and I opened my eyes, blinking in the bright sunlight. My vision was hazy. I must have had my eyes shut for too long because they struggled to adjust to the world again. The colours looked too vibrant, too intense. I sat up on my elbows, glancing at the dark-haired girl who scowled at me playfully. She was kneeling near where I lay on the grass, a canvas in front of her and a metallic palette, covered in bright splodges of paint, attached to her wrist. What? I asked. You moved! the girl, Dina, complained. Sorry, I said, lacing my hands behind my head, lying down again. Is that better? There was a beat of silence that lasted for so long that I couldnt help but look back at Dina. She was glaring at the painting in front of her, her eyes darting back and forth quickly. Its fine, she sighed. Im giving up for now, anyway. She waved a hand in front of her, causing some of the paint to leave the canvas and float upwards. Wonder washed through me as I watched the droplets of colour drift upward until they disappeared before looking back at Dina. How had she done that? I blinked, pushing my questions aside before looking back at the girl I was pretty sure was my friend. Hows it going? I asked as Dina shuffled, swinging her legs out in front of her. Horribly, she said. I cant get your hair right. Ive never struggled with hair before in my life, and yet now She trailed off, continuing to glare at her painting. I bet its not that bad, I said. But Im happy to come take a look if you want? That got Dina to stop looking at the canvas. Her eyes darted towards me, and her hand shot out, grabbing the edge of the canvas and hitting a button on the back of it. The thin metal frame started to fold in on itself, shrinking down and taking the easel it was attached to with it. Once it was small enough to fit in Dinas palm, she grabbed it and slid it into her pocket. Absolutely not, she said. You know I dont want you to see it until its ready! Dina threw herself down onto the grass next to me. I know, but you have ages still, I told her. No, I dont! Its meant to be a graduation present, Clea! I have a month, she shot back. And I doubt Ill even be able to do it in time. It took me two weeks just to do your face, and even that still looks wrong! I bet it doesnt, I said. Youre so critical about your own work, and I always think it looks great. Dinas face scrunched up. I am not. Plus, it needs to be perfect. I hesitated as guilt rose within me. I loved that Dina wanted to make me a painting for graduation, but it made me feel bad to see how much she was struggling with it. She never normally had such a hard time. It really doesnt, I told her, looking back at the sky. No matter what you do, Im going to love it. I always do. You dont need to worry about it so much. It was true. She was so talented and incredible at art. Even the sketches that she hated and erased without even finishing were better than anything I could have ever done, and I adored every last one. I told her that every time, but she never believed me. Yes, I do, Dina said, glaring at the sky. It might be the last thing I ever paint, and I want it to be perfect. It took a few seconds for me to realise what shed said. My heart shattered. When did you find out? I asked softly. Dina didnt answer me for a few seconds, and I turned to look at her again. Her expression was pained, and her eyes were fixed on a small, wispy cloud that floated across the otherwise perfect sky. A couple of days ago, she admitted finally, her voice quiet. I couldnt bring myself to tell you before. I knew youd be disappointed in me. Im not! I said immediately. Im disappointed for you. You worked so hard on that application! We both did, Dina said, still refusing to look at me. Theres no way I could have gotten it finished before the deadline without your help. Im sorry it was a waste of time. It wasnt! I insisted. Clea, you could have been studying for your medical exams instead, she told me. Queasiness shot through me at the mention of the exams. I hadnt gotten my results back yet, and it was starting to get to me. They were the last results to come back every year; my tutors had reminded me that when Id asked about them for the fifth time, but it didnt make the wait any less stressful. I wasnt ready to get them back, though. As much as I needed to know how Id done and if Id scored well enough to become a doctor, I didnt want to know. Id spent too long studying and preparing for them. The thought of it all being for nothing was too much. Its fine. Helping you was a nice break from revision, I told Dina. A smile lifted her lips, but it fell from her face too quickly. But what if Im the reason Dina started before trailing off. My hands curled into fists as I tried to push that thought aside. If I failed my exams for some reason, it wouldnt be her fault. It would be mine. I clearly didnt have a good enough grasp of the material, or I lacked that innate ability that others must have. A few more hours of studying wouldnt have given me that. Still worth it, I said firmly. Did you find out your placement? Disgust danced across Dinas face, curling her lip. Engineering, she said, causing me to wince. Just like my parents and both my siblings. Theyre thrilled, obviously. You told them already? Howd it go? Dina let out a heavy sigh. Nope. Doctor Algeen told Mom yesterday. I thought she was going to combust with happiness. She kept saying this was my calling and that I was going to love it. Her tone made it clear she did not agree. Still, hope fluttered weakly in my stomach. Thats rough. Doctor Algeen, though? I asked. Yeah Ive been assigned to his team. A grin stretched over my face. Thats awesome, Dina! I didnt even know he had a space, I cried, turning to look at her. Yeah, someone died like a week ago, she said in a flat tone. 3.31 Suckers. Well I cant say Im glad someone died, obviously, I said with a grin before concern caught up with me. What happened? Dina shrugged, her eyes returning to the single cloud in the sky above us. I dont know, she said. Mom knows, but she wouldnt tell me. I dont think it was anything too scary, though. I heard her and Dad talking about it. What were they saying? I asked. Just that it was an accident and unexpected. They saw me before I heard anything else, Dina sounded disappointed, and I couldnt help the smile that tugged at my lips. Did they realise you were eavesdropping? No, she said, a slight grin appearing on her face. I told them I heard something outside. The solar panel is broken again. Her expression was so innocent. Again? I asked. Which one? Dina turned her head to look at me, raising an eyebrow. Which one? she repeated incredulously. You know which one! Its the one we broke. My eyebrows drew together, and I searched my memories quickly. Luckily, it wasnt hard for me to access them. They came to me much faster than they normally did when I entered a new world. Wait, I said slowly. The one we hid under that time? Yep. But that was like a month ago. How did your parents not realise I broke it before now? I asked, genuinely shocked. Wed been sneaking out one night, and Dinas parents had gotten home at the wrong time. We were halfway across the roof when we heard them walking along the street below and had to dive under the panels to hide. Id caught my foot on the frame and spent the rest of the time we were hiding, holding it together and silently praying that it wouldnt fall and crush me. Even as I recalled it over a month later, I still felt fear and anxiety burning within my stomach. The panel wasnt heavy enough to kill me, I knew that, but it would hurt. And Dinas parents would definitely tell my parents, and then theyd know wed been sneaking out. That would suck. They might start checking on me at night, and I wouldnt be able to go on walks around the city any more. Panic fluttered in my stomach, but I ignored it. I hated the idea of being trapped inside and not able to go for walks. I didnt go that often. Just once or twice a week, whenever I couldnt sleep or had too much on my mind. It was nice. Peaceful. The fans were usually turned off by the time I went out, so there was rarely any wind. The world was just still. Thats what I liked. It was what I wanted. I didnt want to see people or to have to interact with anyone. It was just nice to have an hour or so to myself where I didnt have to do anything or be anyone. I could just exist, and I didnt want to give that up. Id put far too much effort into protecting that time already. I used a holograph facsimile of myself sleeping, which I paid far too much for, to make sure my parents wouldnt notice I wasnt in bed, and I stayed close to the house, away from anywhere that would scan my chip. Sometimes, Id just walk around until it started to get busier, but other times, Id go to the park by my house. It was kind of busy sometimes, but when it wasnt, I liked to just sit on the grass and stare at the night sky. I fixed it, Dina said, pulling me back to the present. What? It wasnt hard, she said. The mechanism was broken, I pointed out. And the metal was warped. I truly didnt know how I managed to do that, but I had. Dina shrugged again. Ive fixed worse. I kicked one of the panels before and tore the wiring straight out, she said. I stared at her in shock. What? How? They were enclosed on the bottom. There was no way she could even get to the wiring without I forgot Id taken it apart a while ago, she explained, an almost embarrassed look appearing on her face. I wanted to know what the underside was like, but Geo needed a hand with something and surprised me. I didnt want him to know what I was doing because I knew hed tell Mom and Dad, so I just left it and said I was painting something. I got distracted and kept meaning to go out and put it back together but didnt have a chance to until it was too late. She sounded disgusted at the idea of her parents knowing she was interested in engineering, and I bit my lip to stop myself from saying anything about it. She clearly was. Although she had tried to fight against it and hide it, I knew she was. Shed never outright admit it. Dina was good, though. Shed managed to fix the panel without any training or instructions. I had no clue how she did that. Id picked up some engineering knowledge just from being around Dina and her family, but I still wasnt good. The idea of having to fix one of the adjustable frames alone and probably at night was intimidating to me. Wait, what did you do about it? I asked. Did you manage to get all the wiring back in? No, she said. I straight up snapped some of them! I tried to take it apart and replace them with some stuff from Mom and Dads workshop, but I made such a mess. One of the wires literally caught on fire! I laughed, enjoying the mental image. It sounded terrifying, but Dinas tone was too lighthearted. She clearly hadnt gotten hurt. Oh no! I cried, still chuckling. So what happened? Well Im not proud of myself, she started. Okay I said slowly when she didnt continue speaking. I might have bribed Geo to say he broke it. A snort slipped out of me. What? How? I said Im not proud! Dina cried, lifting her hands to cover her face. What did you bribe him with? I couldnt think of anything Geo would want that Dina had. He was older than her by a couple of years and had a job. She couldn''t have bribed him with money. He would have had enough of that himself. Well you know how he still lives at home? she asked. Yeah? I replied. So, I stayed home from school one day, but he didnt know, and he brought Lillia back to ours Dina explained. I ran into them in the kitchen when I went down to get a drink. It was before they were official, and they werent doing anything, but it was very clear why they were there. Ew. Yeah. I think I ruined their date, she said with a snort. But I said if he took the blame for it, I wouldnt tell our parents he was with someone. My mouth fell open, and I looked at her. Dina, thats not bribery. I think you blackmailed him! She laughed. Well, whatever. It worked. What did he say happened? I asked with a giggle. I dont actually know, but Mom and Dad were pissed with him, she said, grinning as she remembered it. I could hear them shouting from my room. Oh no, I said. Wait, if you fixed the panel I broke, what happened when your parents caught you eavesdropping? Dina smirked. Well I assumed something would happen sooner or later, and Id need a distraction, so I didnt fix it well, she said. The metal was already beginning to bow again, so I just said that I heard a noise coming from it and that maybe a bird flew into it. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road. Oh wow, thats clever, I said. Yeah. I was going to rig something into it that could break whenever I sent the signal, but I couldnt work out how to do it without leaving anything behind when it broke, you know? Dina said. Like, there needed to be some kind of receiver and breakaway mechanism maybe, but if my parents saw that, they would definitely think it was terrorists or something. I laughed, imagining the chaos that would cause. Yeah, they definitely would. Weve not had any terrorist attacks in ages, though. Im pretty sure they caught them all, I said. Definitely, Dina agreed. We fell silent again, and I felt the atmosphere grow sombre again. The smile had fallen from Dinas face, and shed begun chewing on her lip. I looked at the sky above us again, searching for something to say to distract her and make her feel better. She was thinking about her future again, and I longed to tell her that she might enjoy it. She was good at repairing things and found it fun. It wouldnt be too bad for her to do that full time. But it wasnt what she wanted. Dina was an artist. She was great at it, truly talented. I still didnt understand how anyone could look at her submissions and not see how wonderful she was, but I pushed that thought aside, continuing to search for a positive. So will you get to visit other islands? I asked. Maybe, she replied, her voice flat and containing none of the joy it had held before. Thats cool! I said, forcing myself to sound extra positive and enthusiastic. Youll have to paint them for me so I can see them too. Yeah, sure she agreed. And hey, maybe in a couple of years, you can appeal and see if you can get transferred to the art team, I suggested. You could always use the painting of the other islands for that! I bet the committee would love to see them. Dina snorted, but the noise was humourless. Doubt it, she said. Theres no point. They only need a few artists, and theyve got them. Unless someone dies, my application will be rejected immediately. Theres no point in wasting my time again. Well, maybe someone will die. It happened with Doctor Algeens team, I replied. I cant exactly say I hope it happens, but you know what I mean. I hope its Beau, Dina said, her voice unexpectedly vicious. He was picked, by the way. He literally came over to tell me specifically. Hatred ran through me. Beau? I repeated. Boring art Beau? Thats the one. No, that has to be a mistake, I replied. He doesnt deserve it! Hes terrible. I mean, one of his submissions was just a painting of the founders statue. We did that in class, like, four years ago! They must have seen a thousand versions of it! Dina sighed heavily. I know, she said. But he showed me his feedback. They said it was inspired. Apparently, he managed to capture His magnificence well. Bullshit, I shot back. There was no way he did. Id seen the painting, and it was boring. Everything he did was boring. That was why wed given him the nickname. It was petty and cruel but true. Every single painting of his was so flat and lifeless, unlike Dinas. She somehow managed to capture the beauty and movement of everything. Even her rough sketches looked like they were about to come to life and waltz around the room. Beaus were nothing compared to hers. I pulled myself out of my thoughts and glanced at Dina. She was ruminating again, I could tell. She was probably thinking about every single piece shed ever created and picking faults with them. Or maybe she was thinking about her future and following in her familys footsteps. It was a good job. Engineers were necessary for the city. They kept the floating island in the air, and Doctor Algeen was one of the best. Maybe he was the best. Some people definitely thought he was. Hed come to our school a few times to give talks about stuff, and they always filled me with such awe. He was so passionate and knew so much. Plus, he got to visit other islands and sometimes go down to the surface, which I always dreamed of. Dina would get to go, I realised. His team always went with him when he went, and she was going to be a part of it. I was kind of jealous but mostly just happy for her. It was good she was going to get to do something fun, even if it wasnt what she wanted. I hoped that if I wasnt picked to become a doctor, Id be given something interesting too. Self-doubt and anxiety started to creep into my mind. Had I done well enough on the tests to become a doctor? I wasnt sure. It felt like I had at the time, but that feeling had begun to disappear as time went on, and I wasnt so sure anymore. Maybe I hadnt. Perhaps I wasnt suited for a job in the medical field. Instinctively, I began to pull away from the world. I didnt want to stay in there and continue worrying about a future that meant nothing to me. Id only been in that world for half an hour, if that. I liked it there, and it was interesting, but I could leave without ever looking back. I started to search for my reality again, reaching for the dizziness that hovered at the edge of my mind. My stomach churned, and nausea crashed into me violently. The sky above me blurred before my eyes, and white spots appeared, growing bigger until they eclipsed almost everything else. A hazy outline appeared. My mom, I realised slowly. She wasnt looking at me. She hadnt noticed the sweat that appeared on my upper lip or the fact that I was pressing my lips together. I had to. It was the only way to stop myself from throwing up right there. She was looking at her phone, I was pretty sure. It was hard to tell. The rest of the world hadnt come into view yet. It was nothing more than a blur of muted colours. I couldnt go back. I didnt want to. It was too hard, and there was nothing keeping me there. I had no reason to fight to be there. Even the strange floating world where I was fretting about being a doctor was better than sitting opposite my mom, who alternated between ignoring me completely and insulting me. Lets do something fun, I said, sitting up suddenly. The world around me shifted so quickly that it made me lightheaded, and for a moment, I was worried I was going to fall back to the ground. The dizziness and nausea receded quickly, though. In less than a couple of seconds, everything was back to normal. It was like Id never even tried to leave. Beside me, Dina started to sit up. What did you have in mind? she asked. I cocked my head, thinking about it. Flashes of memories invaded my mind, but there were too many options, and I couldnt work out which I wanted to do most. Im not sure. What are you feeling? A smile appeared on Dinas face. How about the arcade? she suggested. I bet no one will be there at this time. Yes! I cried, jumping up. That was why Id gone to that world. I wanted something fun, and I was sure an arcade on a floating, futuristic island would be incredible. Arcades in real life were awesome, but I rarely got to go to one. The one in the city nearest my home shut down a few years back, but even before that, I didnt go often. Mom always got annoyed with me if I went to it. She said it was a waste of money and completely pointless, but I still found them fun. Dina held her hand out to me, and I dragged her to her feet. Is there grass on me? she asked, turning around. I reached out, brushing some strands off her grey dress. Not any more. What about me? I turned slowly, waiting as I felt her reach out and pluck some from my back. Wait, wait, dont turn around, she said. You have some in your hair, too. There was a slight tug, and I resisted the urge to comb my fingers through my hair, forcing myself not to move as Dina continued to remove the grass. Thanks, I said, smoothing my uniform down. No worries. Thats it! As soon as she stepped away, I flipped my head forward, running my hands through my hair before grabbing the scrunchie from around my wrist. It was brown, I realised, staring at my hair. I was a brunette. The colour was beautiful. It was so dark, but some strands almost looked reddish. Did I dye my hair? I didnt remember ever dying it, but I was blonde in real life. My hair was the same colour in all of the other worlds Id been to so far, too. I couldnt recall a single other world where I wasnt, and that kind of caught me by surprise. It felt wrong. It was such a small thing, but I wasnt used to it. Pushing my shock aside, I finished tying my hair into a high ponytail and straightened up, running my hands over my hair to make sure I hadnt missed any before smiling at Dina. Ready? she asked. Sure, I replied. We started to walk across the grass, and my breath caught in my throat. Id not really looked around at the world before that point. I wasnt sure why, exactly. Id been too caught up in my conversation with Dina, maybe. It was incredible. We were near the edge of the city; I knew that. It was the park we always went to because wed never seen anyone else using it, unlike all of the other more central ones. They were probably too scared to go there. Id heard people say that before. The edge of the city was protected; it wasnt possible to reach it or to just fall off. Everyone knew that, but that didnt matter. There were rumours and tales. People believed if they got too close to the edge, something would come over them. Id heard the stories before. Everyone knew someone, a friend of a friend or maybe a distant cousin, that it had happened to. They were curious, of course. They wanted to know what the surface looked like, not that theyd be able to see anything from so high up, and they found a way to get to the edge. And, according to the stories, they got their wish. It was never their fault; whoever was telling the story always made sure to say that, and it was never intentional. They always had a reason not to jump, someone to go home to or a big promotion headed their way. They wanted to live, but they couldnt help themselves. The power of the edge was too strong. I played along with it, of course. Id gasp at the right times and make sure not to roll my eyes too obviously, but I didnt believe them. It was impossible to get to the edge, and even if it wasnt, there was nothing that could trick someone into jumping if they didnt already want to. There was no curse or magic or anything. It was nothing more than a story to stop people from going near it. Looking out towards the edge, I understood why it was necessary. The grass just stopped. There was a fence, but beyond that, there was nothing except the sky. And it was strangely beautiful. I couldnt help but notice that. It was perfectly blue with more clouds in the distance, and I did want to take a closer look. I wanted to peer over the edge and stare down at the surface below, but that was just my curiosity. It wasnt magic. Forcing myself to look forward, I felt my eyes widen. The edge was fascinating and beautiful, but so was the city. I couldnt see much of it. A neat row of houses, all topped with solar panels, lined the other side of the park and blocked most of it from view, but a few tall buildings rose above them. I had to clench my jaw to stop it from falling open. The buildings were huge. They were in the centre of the city, and yet I could see them from where we were. They were the government buildings, I recalled, and the hospital where I hoped to work one day soon. The solar panels along the outside of each of the buildings reflected the sky, making the buildings almost blend in. If it werent for the strips of greenery that grew vertically along the edges of the skyscrapers, I might not have even noticed them. It was fairly common, I recalled slowly. Most of the buildings in the city, residential and business, had either plants or solar panels on their roofs. Some had both. It was necessary to both power the city and supply enough oxygen for everyone who lived in it. I couldnt remember exactly what kind of plant it was, some kind of moss or something, I was sure. A few places had algae, though, but that wasnt as common. Algae needed more maintenance and water than the moss, so the city had started to phase it out. How long do you think well be waiting for the mag? Dina asked as we reached the edge of the park and joined the path. Last time we were here during the day, I swear we had to wait, like, twenty minutes. A laugh slipped from my mouth. It was not twenty minutes, I told her. It was ten at most. She rolled her eyes at me. Fine, ten. But thats too long. Isnt there meant to be one every four minutes? Yeah, I agreed. But not when its the middle of the day. Most people are meant to be in school or work at this time. Suckers, she said with a snicker. 3.32 He has a gift. Obviously, I couldnt openly agree with Dina, but I snorted nonetheless. There was no point in being in school, not at the moment, anyway. We were graduating so soon, and there was basically nothing left for the instructors to actually teach us. Most people had their assignments already, so theyd mentally checked out of the majority of classes, and I understood why. There was no need to learn something unnecessary when we could be focusing on things that would actually be useful for us in the future. Most of the instructors felt the same way. Theyd given up on reprimanding people for not paying attention and instead alternated between reminding us that not everyone had their assignments yet and telling us to just read quietly and not disrupt the rest of the class. They didnt even try and stop us when Dina and I walked out after lunch. It was clear there was something on her mind. Shed barely said a word all day, and when someone mentioned that theyd received their housing allocation for next year, I thought she was going to run out of the classroom. Id assumed she hadnt heard back and was getting anxious about it, not that she hadnt been successful. That hadnt even crossed my mind. None of the classes we had that afternoon mattered, anyway. It was just physics and community engagement. I didnt need to sit through another talk about how important it was to look after your fellow citizens or how damaging the terrorist attacks were for the safety and survival of the city. That was all the instructors talked about in the class, and I was so bored of it. My parents had both given me the exact same lectures a million times before, I recalled. The memory was a bit foggy, and yet I could tell it was almost identical, which was kind of impressive. Maybe there was a script they learnt. My parents in that world were politicians, I was pretty sure. They were something in government or leadership, so they cared passionately about the community. I did too, obviously, but it was impossible to care as much as Mom and Dad did. The way their eyes lit up when they talked about it was strangely chilling. It felt almost threatening in a way, and I knew there was no way I could do anything but live up to their standards. I wasnt doing that, though. Not really. Id chosen to try to become a doctor and spend my days trying to help the people who lived on the floating island, rather than overseeing everything that happened on it and make changes that helped everyone, not just my patients. They werent mad at me, I recalled, the memory making my stomach feel strange. I think they were disappointed, and I hated that. They wanted me to follow in their footsteps. Theyd been so hopeful that Id apply and be fast-tracked, but instead, I chose something different. It wasnt that they didnt think being a doctor was a good job or that Id be good at it; theyd made sure to tell me that multiple times. They just wanted to know that the future of the island was in good hands. My hands, apparently. Confusion washed over me as we came to a stop at the flawless maglev station, and Dina hit the call button. My parents trusted me in that world. They both liked me and wanted me to do well. My mom, as far as I could remember, was nice to me. That realisation made me uncomfortable, and I searched my memories for any hint that it was just an act or that she was cruel sometimes, but I found nothing. She got annoyed at me occasionally, of course, but it was nothing compared to the way she treated me in reality and all the other worlds. I couldnt remember her ever screaming at me or hurling insults, and that felt wrong. Oh, phew, Dina sighed loudly as a sleek white train appeared in the distance. I thought we were going to be waiting forever! I smiled, but I couldnt reply. I was too busy staring at the train as it pulled close. There was something weird about it. It didnt look like a regular train. The front was sloped at a steep angle, and there were no wheels. Instead, the body of the train continued down to the tracks and seemed to wrap around them. The sides were made up of huge windows, too. They extended almost all the way from the floor to the ceiling, letting us see right through the almost empty carriage. Where do you want to sit? I asked as the train stopped and the doors slid open. Dina cocked her head before shrugging. Anywheres fine. Theres basically no one on it, so it doesnt matter too much, she said, starting to walk towards the nearest doors. A gentle ding sounded in my head as I entered the carriage, the noise so sudden and startling that I was almost ripped out of the world. Glancing at Dina, I realised she hadnt reacted at all. She hadnt heard the noise. Either that, or she was so used to it that it didnt bother her. Part of me was too, I realised, trying to steady my rapid breathing. Id heard that noise many times before, even if I didnt really remember it. It was normal, completely normal, I told myself as the realisation slowly washed over me. It was my chip. It had just made a noise to let me know the train had scanned it. It always did that. Every maglev and public building in the city did. Relief crashed into me as I sunk into one of the seats. I wasnt hearing things. Id just forgotten how things worked in that world. That made me feel better, and finally, I looked around the train. It was pristine. Not just kind of clean, but it was actually spotless. I couldnt see a single mark on the grey floor, and there werent even any smudges on the giant windows. It looked as if no one had ever used the train before, but I knew that wasnt true. The train began to move forward with a soft hum, and I stared out the window, eager to see more of the city. No, thank you, a snide voice said, yanking me back towards reality. I had to bite the inside of my lip to stop myself from vomiting. Nausea swelled within me, and the cafe swam around me. I couldnt breathe. I knew that if I did anything, if I moved in any way, Id be sick. She was looking at me. My mom was looking at me, a sneer on her face as the woman standing next to us said something. My mind was sluggish, though. I was focusing too hard on keeping my pie and chips in my stomach and not spewing it all over the table, and I didnt hear what the waitress said. What do you think, Grace? Are you sure you dont want to see the dessert menu? Mom asked, raising her eyebrows at me expectantly. There was a correct answer. Her expression made that very clear, but I couldnt quite work out what she wanted me to say. She probably wanted me to refuse, though. That was what she usually expected me to do. She usually got annoyed if I said yes. But could I speak? I truly wasnt sure if it was possible for me to at that moment, but the waitress and my mom were looking at me. I had to do something. No, thank you, I managed to say before pressing my lips back together. I think Grace is a little full from that delicious pie, Mom said, her tone far too polite and positive. I cant believe you managed to eat almost the entire thing. I glanced down at the plate the waitress was holding, spotting half the pie on it. Just the sight of food made my stomach turn, and I had to look away again. I really didnt eat that much. Id had most of the chips but left a lot of the pie. I thought it would be enough to avoid the comments from her, but clearly, I had been wrong. Okay, great, the waitress said, ignoring Mom. Ill go grab the bill. Unless youd like another coffee? No, thank you. Just the bill. The waitress smiled at me before turning and walking away from the table. I met Moms gaze, feeling the weight of all the rude things she wanted to say to me on the tip of her tongue, and plunged blindly towards the dizziness Id been wrapped in just moments before. It was easier that time, but I still sagged back against the seat as my vision slowly became sharper. The colours were more vibrant in that world, I realised as I looked around again. Everything was just a bit brighter and more colourful, and I loved it. It was beautiful. The entire city was. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. The train tilted upwards, following the track up and over a row of houses, and I had to fight not to let my mouth drop open as the city stretched out before us. It wasnt a particularly big city, not compared to somewhere like London. I could see the far side of it where the building petered out before giving way to parkland and, eventually, sky. My head whipped around, and I stared out the other window, looking towards the park wed just been in. We were so close to the edge of the city. I knew that before, but seeing it from up high was different, even though it was a view one version of me had experienced many times. I could actually see over the lip to the clouds below. There was a glint of metal somewhere in the nearest cloud, probably a part of the elevation system that kept our city floating high above the frigid and currently inhospitable land below. I had no clue how it worked, but it fascinated me. Wed been taught a little about it in school, of course, but the instructors only told us about the primitive system. The first one that had been created to keep us alive once the government on Earth realised the ice age was coming. They didnt teach us anything about the system that the city currently used. Most people assumed it was accidental or it was because the machinery had become so complex that hardly anyone would understand it without advanced engineering training, but I knew that wasnt the case. Id pieced the truth together from what Dina had been told by her parents, who both worked on the system, and from what Id overheard my parents saying. We werent meant to know, but a few generations ago, before my grandparents time, they used to teach everyone about it. Some schools even had field trips down through the tunnels to the underside of the city so the kids could get a better understanding of how it worked, but terrorists ruined it for everyone and almost killed every single person living in the city. Anger sparked in my heart as I recalled what Id heard. They targeted kids, convinced them that their ridiculous beliefs were true, and even hacked into their chip data to track them through the tunnels. Then, theyd attacked one of the engines that kept us in the air and tried to explode it. If they had managed, the city wouldnt exist anymore. None of us would. The lead engineer at the time managed to stop them. She lost her life in the fight, but somehow, there was only minimal damage. The city barely lost any altitude, and the rebuild was swift. From what Id gathered, they put more security measures in place after that. They stopped anyone from being able to go into the tunnels, and they built more engines or something. Id tried my best to keep up with Dinas explanation of what theyd done, but it had gotten too technical, and I was lost. Shed tried to explain it to me again, but that wasnt much better. It didnt matter, though. Theyd made it harder for us to go plummeting towards the surface, and that was all I needed to know, really. The train tilted forward slightly, dipping downwards. My eyes opened wide, and I craned my neck to peer at the platform below. Immediately, I spotted the purple uniform. Dina must have spotted them at the same time I did because her eyes met mine. Officials, she hissed. As one, we stood and raced towards the back of the carriage, reaching the door just as the train came to a stop. I glanced at the officials through the window, feeling relief wash through me as I spotted the bright blue glow of their contacts. They hadnt spotted us. They must have been reading or watching something rather than paying attention to the world around them, and I was glad. We waited, timing our movements perfectly so that we left the train at the exact moment the official stepped onto it and began walking down the platform in the opposite direction. As soon as the doors shut and the train whirred into motion, a giggle slipped out of Dinas mouth. I joined in. That was a near miss. The instructors might not care too much about us skipping school that late in the term, and the officials wouldnt either, but there was a chance theyd see my parents. They would definitely care, and I really didnt want to sit through yet another talk about how I was meant to be a role model for my fellow young adults and uphold the values the city was founded on. What kind of role model skipped school just to go to an arcade? Thats what theyd ask me. Even if I didnt run into any officials, I was taking a chance. If Mom or Dad decided to check my chip data, theyd know exactly where I was and when Id left school. I really hoped they wouldnt do that. If they did, theyd know we also skipped class last month, and they might even find out about my nighttime walks. I slipped up a few weeks ago and went too close to a scanner. I realised it was a mistake before the noise even sounded, but it was too late. Id spent the next week panicked and paranoid that my parents would get home from work and be furious at me, but they said nothing, and eventually, I worked up the courage to go out again. What do you think? Dina asked, gesturing towards the train call button with her head. Mmmm, I started, checking to see if I could see another approaching. I dont know. Its not too far from here. We could just walk. What do you think? Dina considered it for a moment before reaching out and hitting the button. I cant be bothered to walk twenty minutes, she said with a grin. But if theres another official on this one, well do it. That sounds good, I agree, subconsciously rubbing the slight bump on my thumb where my chip was embedded. I didnt really want to walk either, but I knew it was likely. We were too central, and the entertainment area was too close to the government buildings. There would be officials everywhere, and the chances of running into my parents or someone they knew were growing higher by the second. It was worth the risk, though. The arcade we were headed to was the best in the city. There were only two, but it was definitely better. I dont think I see any, Dina said, stretching up onto her tiptoes to get a better look at the approaching train. Oh no. I let out a soft groan as I spotted the brightly coloured uniforms. Wait, I said, touching her arm to stop her from turning towards the exit. The last carriage. I dont think I see any in there. Lets go! We started to move along the platform, keeping our heads down and trying to look as inconspicuous as possible until we reached the space where the final carriage always stopped. I waited, nerves fluttering in my stomach, even though I knew there was no real reason for me to be worried. The worst thing that would happen was a talk from my parents, and I could deal with that. If I told them Dina was sad about her placement, maybe theyd even understand. They wouldnt, I realised quickly. Theyd praise me for being a good friend and trying to make my fellow citizen feel better, but then theyd remind me that rules exist for a reason, even the implicit ones, like kids should go to school every day. I did go to school. I just left early. Oh no, I muttered as the carriage drew close. Theres one there too. What do we do? Dina asked. I stared at the official as the train came to a stop. They were slumped in their seat, their head leaning against the window, and the hat pulled low over their face. They didnt even move as the doors opened. I think theyre asleep, I whispered, wishing I could access their data to make sure. If I were successful and became a doctor, Id be able to do it. Id be given new contacts, ones that let me see so much about a person with just a look. Dina stared intently at the official before nodding. Okay, want to risk it? she asked. We were running out of time. In a few seconds, the doors would close. We needed to decide before then. Yeah, I said. We rushed forward, squeezing into the carriage just in time. I had to fight the urge not to giggle as we moved past the lightly snoring official. Theyd clearly just come off a night shift or something and were exhausted. Theyd probably fallen asleep on their way home and had been on the maglev for hours. Should I wake them? The question came to mind as Dina and I fell into seats further along the carriage. If they had been on the train for ages, they might have missed their stop. It would be the kind thing to do, and I knew that, but I didnt want to risk them asking who I was or recognising me. That was selfish, though. I wasnt a selfish person, and it went against everything Id ever learnt. My parents had raised me to be a better person than that, and I knew it. Too soon, we reached our stop. I still hadnt worked out what to do, though. I was torn between wanting to wake them and not wanting my parents to find out I was skipping school. An idea started to form in my head. I could do both, I realised as I stood. Wait, I whispered to Dina as she started to make her way towards the doors at the front of the carriage, Lets go this way. Dina glanced towards the back doors, her expression confused, but she did what I asked without questioning. I waited until we were at the exit before coughing as loudly as I could and stepping off the train. Dina started to move quicker, and I followed her, not allowing myself to look back at the official to see if my plan had worked until I heard the doors closing again. The man had lifted his head. He was glancing around, a confused expression on his face. It worked. Id managed to wake him. Id done the right thing without getting in trouble. A grin grew on my lips as I laced my arm through Dinas and started to walk towards the entertainment area. Damn, Clea, she laughed. Its like you want your parents to know youre disobeying them. Im not, I shot back. They didnt tell me I had to stay in school all day. Really? Mine did, she said. They said Im not allowed to have any more days off or to skip lessons just because I dont like the instructor. Which lesson are you skipping? I asked with a giggle. We were in different classes for some subjects, and I had no clue shed missed any. She must have stayed in the school building the whole time because she was always there for lunch and break time. Biology, she said, sticking her tongue out and looking disgusted. I just cant listen to Mr Blyghts voice first thing in the morning. It puts me to sleep every time. Oh, that is so fair, I snorted as we neared the main entertainment street. I had him last year, and I genuinely think I fell asleep in half of his classes. Its incredible, really. He has a gift. Doesnt he just. 3.33 Cultivate and shape evolution. Honestly, Moms voice came from somewhere in the distance and made my head spin, if you keep eating like that, Im going to buy you an entirely new set of uniforms before you go back to school in September. Irritation washed through me, and I pulled away from her voice, ignoring it completely. I didnt want to listen to her going on and on about how much Id eaten at lunch. It hadnt even been that much, and even if it was, it didnt matter. It was just one meal, and that wouldnt make too much of a difference. I knew that. She must have known it, but she was still going on and on about it. It was annoying me and making me feel self-conscious, but it didnt matter. The new world Id found was so bright and colourful. It was easy to be sucked in and completely ignore whatever my mom was saying. A grin stretched over my face as I looked around at the bright street. It was definitely enough to distract me from Mom. It was one of the most picturesque places Id ever been before. Everything was clean and bright and beautiful. Even the trees that lined the wide path were perfectly uniform. Not that I expected anything else. We were too near the government buildings, and the gardeners always made sure everything was perfect for them. Not that any of the politicians or officials would care at all if anything wasnt perfect. They didnt care about that kind of thing. They were too busy thinking about the big picture. Id be surprised if they noticed the trees at all. Theyd realise if they werent there, of course. The trees contributed to the clear air we breathed and helped keep the city afloat, but they wouldnt notice a couple of leaves being out of place or overgrown. The big picture talk infuriated me. I understood the importance of it, of course. That had been drilled into me enough over the years. We had to consider the city as a whole, not just the minuscule parts. I got that. It was essential to make sure we were thinking about the needs of every citizen rather than each citizen because then those in charge could make decisions for the greater good and all of that rubbish. I truly did understand why it was so necessary, but I just didnt know how they could talk about it so much without getting bored. They never came to any decisions either! The conversations always just went around in circles. Maybe if they talked about it less, I would have had a less visceral reaction to it, but there was no way to know that because it was incessant. I counted. The last time I went to dinner with my parents and some of their colleagues, it was brought up nine times. Nine. The dinner lasted two and a half hours. That was just so much. I was pretty sure the only reason the dinner was thrown was because of me too, and that somehow made it so much worse for me. Mom and Dad had made a big thing about it. They kept saying that they just wanted me to join them to get a taste of what it was actually like to be in government, and then an invite just happened to arrive in my inbox the next day. We had a fancy meal, sure, that was great and all, but the conversation made it unbearable. I truly debated faking a headache or an urgent zip from Dina just to get out of it, but I knew there was no point. Theyd call a doctor or Dinas parents, and that wasnt worth the hassle. Instead, I just had to sit there and force a smile onto my face as my eyes gazed over, and the conversation continued around me. My parents saw straight through me, though. I thought I managed to keep it together fairly well, but when the Governor somehow steered the conversation away from the surface and back to the needs of the many for the sixth time, I wanted to shout at them. The surface was so much more interesting than whatever they ended up saying; I dont know. I didnt listen. I tried so hard not to look irritated. I really did. My parents emphasised how important it was to be able to hide things like that, and I tried my best, but I dont think I succeeded, based on how hard Mom laughed. She played it off much better than I did, though. She broke into a coughing fit and had to leave the room, but I saw the tears of laughter in her eyes. Dad must have noticed what was going on too, because he didnt even ask me if Id reconsidered when we got home that evening. He just asked me if there was anything I needed them to do to help with my preparations for the medical exams. A spark of jealousy burned in my stomach, and I felt my face twist at the memory. It was a nice one. It shouldnt have caused such a violent reaction, and I knew that, but I couldnt help it. Both of my parents in that world were so supportive and kind. They werent pushing me to become a politician because they wanted to control me or anything like that. They wanted the best for me, and they both loved their jobs. They thought I would too. My heart sank as sadness drowned the envy Id been feeling before. That was what I wanted. It was such a weird feeling, such a foreign one. My real dad wanted the best for me; I knew that, but I wasnt sure my mom did. No, I knew that she didnt. Part of her wanted me to succeed and do well, but that was just so she had reason to brag about me. It wasnt because she wanted me to be happy. I doubt my happiness even crossed her mind. In fact, it probably did, but not in a good way. That was the other half of her. The half that didnt want me to do well. She enjoyed it too much when I failed. Then, she could judge me for it and rub my shortcomings in my face, use them to make herself feel better about what shed done with her life. She wasnt happy. She expected that she would be. She planned and assumed her life would be better, that shed get everything she ever wanted without even trying, and yet she didnt. She was miserable, and she liked it when I was too. I shook my head slightly, trying to pull myself out of my thoughts and looked around at the street again. We were much further down the street than I expected, not far from the theatre that marked the official start of the entertainment area. The path was wider, and the offices around us had become a little more colourful. That made sense. They needed something to compete against the bright flashing lights of the entertainment area. Crap, official at eleven oclock, I hissed at Dina, leaning my head towards her and trying to make it seem like I was just saying something innocent. Dinas body stiffened, and I saw her head snap up to look at the official. She must have been lost in her thoughts too and hadnt noticed the man walking along the street towards us. I silently chided myself. The whole reason we were skipping school was to cheer Dina up and to stop her from ruminating about not being picked to be an artist. Id gotten too distracted by my own drama and forgot. I needed to focus and do better. What do you want to do? Dina asked before letting out a laugh as if shed just cracked a joke. The smile on her face was so natural. It really sold the act she was putting on, and for a moment, I was tempted to suggest she try to apply to be an actress. The deadline had passed, and the chances of being picked for that were almost as slim as becoming an artist, but she was so convincing. She would have done great. I grinned and considered her question, trying not to look at the official again. My first instinct was to run, but I immediately dismissed it. Running from an official wasnt something that people did in the city. Not unless something very bad was happening and they were involved in something like terrorism. I wasnt even sure why the thought had entered my head. I knew exactly what to do. It was the same thing Id done many times before. My eyes met the officials, and I held his quizzical gaze, trying to seem as transparent and innocent as possible. That was the best way to avoid suspicion or being reported to my parents. If I made it seem like I was meant to be there and had nothing to hide, it would throw them off. It had worked before, and I knew it probably would again. Hello, I called to the official as we neared, silently begging him not to stop or ask us what we were doing not in school. Good afternoon, girls, the man replied, nodding politely. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. My smile widened as he continued walking, but I kept watching him out of the corner of my eyes. I barely had the chance to feel relieved before I spotted it. A slight blue glow appeared in their eyes. It could have been nothing, but I knew he was checking our identity. My chip didnt make a sound, obviously. It never did when an official scanned us, but that was definitely what he was doing. His eyes widened ever so slightly, and he sped up, seemingly in a hurry to get away from us. I couldnt help but glance over my shoulder once he passed, hoping that he was just worried about being reported for hassling the daughter of two high-up politicians. That would be better than the alternative: he was in a rush to get to my parents offices to tell them I wasnt in school. I was a little surprised by the lack of fear I felt, though. Part of me, the part that wasnt used to that world, was bracing for the inevitable barrage of messages from my mother telling me that I was a disappointment or a terrible daughter, but I knew they wouldnt come. Not there. The worst that would happen was Id get a talking to once I got home, and I could handle their disappointment if it meant Dina felt better, even if it were just temporary. Why are they everywhere? Dina groaned. Its the middle of the day. Dont they have better things to be doing than loitering around in front of a theatre? Are they even stationed there? I chuckled and glanced at the two officials standing outside the grand theatre ahead. Judging by their posture, the light sheen of sweat on their brows, and the glow emitting from their contacts, theyd been standing there for a while. They looked bored, and I was willing to put money on the fact that theyd barely look at us as we passed. They seemed too distracted by whatever it was that they were watching. Maybe theres a play on that the Governor wanted to go to? I suggested. In the middle of the day, though? I guess. The show times are always kind of weird, I replied. Yeah Not everyone works during the day, I guess, Dina allowed. So? What do we do? My eyes found the mouth of the alley just a few feet away. We were pretty close to it. The officials hadnt even looked at us, and I was sure we could dart down it before theyd realised we were there, but it would seem suspicious. If they did happen to see us, if their video ended at the wrong time, theyd follow. Just keep walking, I think, I said. For all they know, we were excused from class early. Blue flashed across Dinas eyes as she checked the time. Yeah maybe, she replied, her tone unsure. But she didnt hesitate. She just continued to follow my example as we drew close to the officials. I kept my pace slow and relaxed, my posture tall and tried to radiate calmness. It must have worked because one of the officials blinked as we passed, their contacts clearing for just a second to look at us before lighting up again. Relief washed through me as we turned onto the familiar street. Immediately, my eyes were assaulted by bright neon lights. Signs shone on the front of every building, advertising arcades, clubs, cinemas, restaurants, cafes and more. Even the street itself was more exciting than usual. The trees had been replaced with glowing imitations made of nothing more than glass and bioluminescent algae that pulsed in time with the music hypnotically. I had to fight not to let my mouth fall open as we wandered down the middle of the street. Id been there before, of course, but it was also entirely new to me. My body longed to stop at every building and stare in through the windows, to learn everything about the incredible world I was in, but my eyes flicked towards Dina. I couldnt let her know how awed I was. It would concern her. Shed know something was wrong; she knew me too well. Dina must have felt my eyes on her because she met my gaze. Are you hungry? she asked. We could always go to the diner before we hit the arcade. I paused, glancing at the vivid red building before us, and my stomach rumbled. The diner would be empty at that time. Barely any adults went there, just kids, and theyd all be in school. Wed be able to choose whatever music we wanted from the little jukeboxes on the tables, and we wouldnt have to put up with people shouting or arguing. But the arcade would be empty too, and the thought of that was way more appealing to me than the diner. We wouldnt have to wait in line for a single machine. Not that we really did, anyway. When people saw us coming, they usually insisted we went first, but that always made me feel kind of bad. Mmmm, I dont think so, I decided. But we can grab something from the vending machines at the arcade if you want? Dinas eyes lit up. Absolutely! she cried. I wonder if theyve finally changed the menu. I couldnt help but laugh. I doubt it. I mean, theyve been saying that new options are coming for what, eleven months? I asked, and Dina nodded in confirmation. At this point, Im pretty sure theyre just lying to keep us coming back. Either that or theyll take out the fish-like taco and add in something boring again. Ew, maybe, Dina giggled. But they dont need to lie about that to keep us coming back. We cant stop now! Were so close to beating that final level in Ice Escape! Itll happen, I said firmly. Any day now, were going to find a way to get past that last monster. Dina sighed wistfully. I hope so. We have to, Clea! I just dont know what were missing. I swear, weve tried every weapon and even the grenades. What else is there? I just dont know, I said with a shake of my head as the giant arcade building came into view. Perhaps we should try pushing it towards the cliff again. We got it pretty close that one time. If we do that again, maybe we can hit it with that big blaster, and itll fall off? There was a moment of silence broken only by the thudding beat emanating from the arcade. It radiated through the ground, making my heart race in time with the music. Dina cocked her head to the side as she considered my suggestion. I could barely recall what she was talking about. It was a game, I knew that, but I couldnt work out anything more than that. I tried searching my memories, but all I got was a flash of red splattered on something white and nothing more. Maybe, Dina said slowly. But surely that cant be the only way to win. What if the gun doesnt appear for us? The weapons are always random. What if it just doesnt show up? Or what if we get it too early and cant afford it? Do we just play over and over until we can? I guess, I laughed. I feel like that one always shows up in the last few levels, though. Right? Yeah So as long as were careful and make sure were clearing out all the monsters for the first nineteen levels, we should be fine, I said, somehow knowing I was speaking the truth. I was just opening my mouth and letting the words flow forth without thinking about it too much. It was the easiest way. I was acting on instinct, and I knew that if I thought about it or tried to work out what to say, it would just be harder for me. Nothing would come to mind. Okay, but what if we get that far and find a big chest, then spend all that money to open it just to get, like, a shield or something? Dina asked. A laugh slipped out of my lips. That was one of the most infuriating parts of the game. It was impossible to know what was inside the chests. Some items were more likely to show up in more expensive chests, but for some reason, the developers had put shields in the class as the giant guns. The shields were useless. They barely did anything! Any time Dina or I got a shield, we knew it was pretty much game over. That could happen, I said with a smile. Then I guess well just have to hope a shield can somehow kill the beast. Dina grinned at me, linking her arm through mine as we walked in through the double doors. The arcade had been loud before the doors even opened, but once I was inside, it was overwhelming. And it wasnt just the noise. There were flashing lights everywhere. Multicoloured displays lit up in dazzling patterns, almost blinding me as I stared, but I couldnt look away. My eyes roamed the huge yet cramped room, and my hands itched with the urge to run forward and start playing the nearest game immediately. Machines had been organised in neat lines, but each one emitted noise and drew me in with bright colours. I stepped forward almost timidly, eager to see more but intimidated nonetheless. Id been to an arcade before, a couple, actually, but the one I was standing in was unlike anything Id ever seen before. I didnt recognise a single machine. I didnt really expect to. That world was so different from my own, but nothing was even that familiar to me, and it caught me off guard. There were no claw machines, no shooting games or even slots to insert coins or swipe a card. Instead, each console simply consisted of a giant screen, surrounded by fans and speakers, with a strange empty platform attached. It looked almost like one of those dancing games Id always been a little too intimidated to try. Food first or game? Dina asked, turning towards me. I swallowed and looked around at the arcade again, my eyes searching for anything to help me make a decision. Dizziness pulled at me faintly, but I shoved it aside. My stomach growled again, despite the fact that Id just eaten in the real world. Food, I said, finding my voice. Dinas grin grew even wider. Fantastic idea, she said. We can always just stick to a nice gentle game until our foods settled. Maybe World Designer? I feel like its been ages since we played that last? Although I knew nothing about that game, I was filled with excitement. It wasnt particularly thrilling compared to the other offerings in the arcade, but I still loved it. Faint memories floated to the front of my mind, and I seized them eagerly. Wed spent hours on World Designer when we were younger and too scared to try Ice Escape. It always started the same way: an empty world and a handful of people, but what we did from there kept us going back. We could develop the world however we wanted. Cultivate and shape evolution to suit us. We always sunk time into developing research. From there, we got science and knowledge which could be used to make so many cool advancements. One time, we even managed to make a rocket. That was awesome. It has! I agreed. Okay, lets grab food, and then we can play! 3.34 Maybe a short game? We raced past seemingly endless machines, delving deeper into the arcade in search of the vending machines. After what felt like too long, the bright neon sign advertising food came into view, and I pushed myself to run faster to catch up as Dina pulled ahead. However, as she reached the end of the row, she came to a sudden stop. I looked around, trying to work out why, before my eyes fell upon the machines that lined the entire back wall. My mouth dropped open, and I couldnt help but stare. The vending machines before me were nothing like the sad and boring machines that I was used to that spat out bags of crisps or drinks and, more often than not, just stole whatever money I put into them. They were so much more. Each one had a panel displaying pictures of the items inside, but they werent just snacks or drinks. They were entire meals. There were tacos, burritos, slices of pizza, and more. I couldnt look away. I longed to run down the line and push buttons at random. There were so many options, and I wanted to try them all. Anxiety flared in my chest, and I glanced across at Dina, suddenly realising that she must have seen my reaction. I hadnt hid my shock well, and she would probably think it was weird. Id seen the machines before. Id eaten from them with her so many times. They should not have been such a surprise to me, but they were. Luckily, Dina wasnt looking at me. She was staring at the machine right in front of us, her eyes wide and her jaw slack. Slowly, she took a small step forward, seemingly scared of getting too close to it. Oh, my she whispered before ripping her eyes away from the machine and looking at me. Her hand shot out, grabbing my arm. It finally happened. Clea, it finally happened! Her voice rose to shriek, and her grip on my arm tightened. I glanced back at the machine as I tried to work out what she was talking about and why her fingers were digging into me so tightly. For a moment, my mind was entirely blank, but then a flutter of excitement shot through me. It was nothing more than an echo, but as I stared at the pictures, I worked out what was happening. The machine had changed. It had been replaced, I was pretty sure. It looked too new, too spotless. The other ones were clean as well. There were no marks on them or anything, but there was something about the one Dina was staring at that just looked so new. It was the images. They were bright, not faded like the other pictures. They must have just been replaced. No, not replaced. It was not simply old options with new pictures; it was new options. A whole new menu. They werent lying when they said new items were coming, but Id expected one or two, not What are you going to get? I asked in a hushed voice. Dina took another tiny step forward. I dont know, she breathed. I was just going to get a chickun burrito, but I stared at the pictures, scanning the options. Now, you have to go for something new? I said, finishing her sentence for her. What are you thinking? They have hot dogs and Oh. A gasp came from Dina as she spotted it at the exact same time I did. Her hand shot out, and she stabbed one of the buttons. They brought it back, she whispered. I cant believe it. I was just as shocked as Dina. They never normally brought a food item back after it had been discontinued. It usually happened for a good reason. Either people got bored and stopped eating the item, or it was difficult to manufacture and not nutritious enough to be worth it. New things were brought out sporadically. They were rolled out across the city, generally popping up in diners and cafes first before being added to the food options we could order at home. Id asked my parents about it before. I didnt get why they put so much time and effort into creating new options for us to eat when they usually had a similar number of nutrients. It was good, dont get me wrong. I liked trying the new foods, but we would have been fine with just a handful of options. It was intentional, apparently. The government liked to give people variety and choice, and that fascinated me. People craved change, according to them. But not too much and only for things that didnt really matter. It was a delicate balance. If there was too much, the citizens could become overwhelmed. Theyd feel out of control, and that ended badly. But small things like new food options, television shows or plays were good. They were designed to allow people to have novel experiences, my parents had said. That was important to them. Everyone wanted new experiences, and if they were allowed small ones, ones that made no real difference to the big picture, that kept them from searching for anything else. It kept the city in balance. And that was another reason why they didnt normally bring items back. They werent new, and people grew bored of them even quicker than they had before, but theyd done it. Dinas favourite burger was back. It had been removed from the machines years ago, not long after we started going to the arcades, but I could still remember how sad she was. Theyd stopped serving it anywhere else, too. That should have been a sign it was about to be removed, but it still took us by surprise. We were young, I guess. We didnt know back then. Still, wed gone to every cafe, diner and vending machine all over the city, searching for one that served that chilli-topped burger with crunchy bits, but none were. But that had all changed. It was back in the machine, which meant other places were probably going to start serving it again too, and that made me so excited for Dina. She was clearly thrilled too. I looked across at her, a smile on my face as I watched her bounce on the balls of her feet, staring at the countdown. There were only twenty seconds left, and then shed finally be able to eat it again. What are you going to have? Dina asked, nodding towards the images without looking away from the timer. I hesitated, cocking my head as I looked at the options. Im not sure, I said. Id been drawn to one of the hot dogs, but I couldnt bring myself to push any of the buttons. It was silly, but they worried me. I was a vegetarian in real life; I didnt eat meat. There werent any signs or stickers on the vending machine that told me what I could eat. I could have just chosen anything. I knew that. I probably wasnt a vegetarian in that world, so it didnt matter too much, but I still didnt really want to do it. My eyebrows pulled together as a realisation came over me. All of the food there was vegetarian. They didnt eat any meat. They couldnt. There werent any animals in the city, not except a few birds and bugs, but that was because they were needed to pollinate the plants. Wed die if we didnt allow them. But that was it. Any other animals were a disease risk, and there wasnt enough space for them anyway. We only just had enough space for the citizens, and that was only because the government controlled the population carefully. Sadness washed over me, the feeling strangely distant. I wasnt sure where it came from, but part of me was sad that Id never be able to have a pet in that world. I didnt have one in my real life either, but I did in some, and I missed that. My hand shot out, choosing one of the options at random as I tried to push away the sadness and confusion that swirled in my mind. Oh, good choice, Dina said. Start with the plain one, and then you can go for the topped ones once you know how good it is! I smiled hesitantly, glancing at the picture Id chosen. It was stupid, but I was a little disappointed in myself. Some of the other ones looked better. They were more fun, and the plain hot dog was boring. It did look pretty good, though. Maybe it wouldnt be that bad. Actually I couldnt remember what the food was like in that world. It seemed okay, though, from what I could remember. Id find out soon enough, though. A loud ding came from the machine, and a panel slid back, revealing an incredible-looking burger. Chilli cascaded down onto the tray below, soaking the bottom bun and concealing it from view. Dina reached for it eagerly, licking her lips as she pulled the tray closer. The panel slid shut, and a new countdown appeared on the screen as my food began cooking. I saw Dina glance at the number before looking back down at her burger, shuffling back and forth impatiently, and I had to fight the urge to laugh. She was such a good friend for waiting for me, even though it was clear that she wanted nothing more than to shove the entire burger into her mouth immediately. Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. You dont need to wait, I told her. Go sit down. Ill come over in thirty-three seconds. Dina was already turning before Id finished speaking. Thanks, she called over her shoulder as she rushed away towards the nearest table. I chuckled softly, looking back at the timer. Impatience grew within me as I watched the number slowly tick down. Even though it was apparently counting seconds, they seemed much longer than a normal second, and that infuriated me. I managed to get up to fifty in my head before the timer reached zero, and the panel slid open again. The hot dog did look a bit sad, I realised as I pulled the tray out of the machine. It looked too dry, and there were no condiments anywhere that I could see, so I couldnt even top it with something to make it more palatable. It smelt good, though. A smokey, meaty aroma filled my nose as I breathed in deeply, and my stomach rumbled. Maybe it wouldnt be too bad. I turned and hurried towards the table where Dina was already seated. The burger was clutched in her hands, and chilli dripped onto the tray below, but Dina didnt seem to notice. Her eyes were closed, and her expression was blissful. How is it? I asked as I slid into the seat opposite her. As good as you remember? It had been so long since shed had it last, and I was worried shed built it up in her head until it was impossible for anything to meet her expectations. It would be so sad if she were disappointed by it, but luckily, a wide smile grew on her lips. Its even better, she said, her voice brimming with what I could only describe as reverence. I think they managed to improve it somehow. Its so good! I laughed in relief as Dina took another bite, her eyes shutting again. Im glad! Looking down, I eyed the hot dog before me. It looked a little too perfect. The sausage was a perfectly uniform colour, and so was the bun. It was too shiny, and I was pretty sure it looked identical to the image on the machine. That should have been a good thing, but it just made me suspicious. I didnt trust that it would be that good. I lifted it from the tray, giving the bread an experimental squeeze. It was soft, squidgy. Pretty much everything I looked for in a bun. And it was the perfect temperature. Everything about it seemed perfect. Unable to put it off any longer, I took a bite. Surprise rushed through me as flavour filled my mouth. It was delicious. Shockingly so. It tasted almost exactly like a hot dog that I could get in real life, or maybe a little better. How is it? Dina asked after a few seconds, pushing her now-empty tray away from her. I chewed my mouthful quickly, swallowing it before saying, Its good! Oh, good! I was so worried it would be all weird and crumbly like the sausages they used to do at the diner, Dina said with a delicate shudder. Did they manage to fix that? I hesitated, taking another bite and chewing it carefully. There had been something a little strange about it. I hadnt paid too much attention to it before, but as soon as Dina said that, I realised that she was right. It was fine before. When Id been eating quickly, I barely noticed the texture, but I made the mistake of slowing down and paying attention to it. A grimace came over my face, and Dina burst out laughing. Oh no, she said, her tone sympathetic despite her laughter. I guess not. Do you want me to get you some water? That might make it easier to finish? Yes, please, I said, looking down at the hot dog. I had less than half to go. Probably just over a quarter, really. I could manage that. I didnt really have any other option. Wasting food wasnt really a thing that was done in our city. The only exception was if it had turned, and then it was a disease risk, and it could be recycled and made into compost. Unfortunately, the hot dog hadnt gone off. It was just gross. Dina hurried back towards me, a glass bottle in each hand. Here, she said. Sorry for mentioning it! I feel like I ruined the hot dog for you. No, not at all, I lied before downing some water. Id already realised something about it was bad. I just couldnt work out what. Dina smiled sympathetically. Are you sure? she asked. Yeah! Still, she didnt quite seem to believe me. Either that, or she just felt guilty anyway. Do you she started hesitantly, staring down at my tray. How crumbly is it? I looked down at the hot dog as well, considering it. Not as bad as the breakfast sausages they had a few years back, but definitely powdery. Disgust appeared on Dinas face before she let out a resigned sigh. Okay, she said reluctantly. Do you want me to split it with you? I laughed. It was a sweet offer, but the way she said it was so funny. It was as if she were offering to crawl across broken glass or tell her parents shed changed her mind and that engineering was her true passion. I couldnt do that to you, I said. Do you want me to sneak it into the recycler outside so people dont see you doing it? she offered. No, but thank you. Dinas expression became even more determined. In that case, rip it in half, she said firmly. You dont have to. I truly didnt want to finish the hot dog, but I also didnt want her to have to eat it either. I want to, she said, but it was clear she was lying. Ive always wanted to know if theres a worse item than the damn fish-like sticks that gave me food poisoning for three weeks that time. Dina, I said with a laugh. Its really not that bad. Clea, I swear I will shoot you in the back of the head during Ice Escape if you dont rip that damn thing in half and give it to me right now, she said. I reached for it, doing as she ordered but making sure to give her the much smaller part. Okay, okay, I relented. I cant believe youd ruin our chances like that. She shoved the half I gave her into her mouth, a wince on her face as she chewed quickly before lifting the bottle to her lips and downing it. Urgh, she said, wiping her lips with the back of her hand. You lied. That was so bad. Plus, I wouldnt ruin our chances. I copied her, forcing myself to swallow the last of my food whilst chewing it as little as possible. I could feel my throat rebelling, but I tipped water into my mouth, forcing it down. No? I rasped before drinking more. The bosses from level eight onwards need two people. How would you lay the trap for that moose thing? Dina cocked her head, considering it. Id wait until I found a resurrection crystal, then do it, she decided. Or, Id do it right at the beginning. We get into the room, boom, I shoot you, then myself. Game over, and we go again. I almost choked on the last of my water. Damn, I said, screwing the lid back onto the bottle. Im glad I gave you half then. Im not, Dina replied darkly, narrowing her eyes at me. Ill put the trays back. Thanks! I called after her, rubbing my stomach with one hand, trying to work out if I wanted more food. A slice of pizza was a good option. As long as I stayed away from the fish-like topped options, I knew it would be good. I glanced towards the machine, deliberating it, but nothing really called out to me. I could wait. Wed probably go to the diner after wed finished in the arcade. That was what we normally did anyway. Ready? Dina asked as she returned. I think so, I said, excitement rising in me as I stood. What do you want to do? World Designer? Or do you want to just go straight for Ice Escape so we have more time on the machine before other people start getting here? Dina hesitated, glancing towards the machines. I could tell that she wanted to play Ice Escape, but her burger had been pretty big, and she was probably full. Shed need time to digest it before running around. Im not We should get Mom and Dad some flowers as a thank you for letting us stay in their house, my moms voice echoed through my head, blocking out Dinas response. Yeah, good idea, I heard myself say, barely paying attention to it as I pushed reality away. Maybe a short game? Dina suggested. Yeah, that makes sense. We could And some wine would be nice, my mom continued, interrupting me that time. Irritation burnt through me. I didnt know why she was saying it like the idea had just occurred to her. She did it every single year. On the last day, shed make us go out, checking her phone constantly the entire time. Then, on the drive home, shed decide we needed to get them a thank you gift. It was always the same thing, too. An expensive bouquet of flowers that my mom agonised about for hours and the same bottle of wine that she always went for. It was the one my grandparents usually drank, but I was pretty sure they didnt touch any of the bottles she got them out of pure spite. Plus, it didnt really matter how long she spent picking out the flowers. It never did. I was pretty sure they died on the kitchen table long before my grandparents ever got the chance to see them. Not that theyd care at all about that. The thought made my heart ache a little. My mom put so much time and thought into selecting the perfect bouquet. She considered the meaning of the flowers, which would match the decor of the house, and whether they were similar but not too similar to the flowers that my grandmother or the gardener had planted that year. It worried her so much, and she cared about it, but I was pretty sure neither of my grandparents had so much as thanked her for them. Theyd probably never even mentioned them to her. It was just another way of dismissing her and showing that they didnt care, I guess. Yeah, good point, I heard myself say distantly. Okay, so just a short game of World Designer? I didnt even hear Dinas response. I was already pulling away from that world. It was guilt that was motivating me. I wanted to stay in the arcade and play World Designer, but I felt so bad for my mom. She was ignored by her parents enough; I didnt want to ignore her too. She deserved more than that. But as the car around me spun, and I squeezed my lips together to keep my lunch inside and not sprayed all over the interior of the car, I almost changed my mind. The dizziness was overpowering. White spots exploded in my vision, and I forced myself to suck in shallow breaths as I silently whispered a plea or a prayer to anyone who would listen. 3.35 Oh, what now? Slowly, the car came to a stop, and I looked around at the car park. The world had stopped spinning, luckily. It still felt a little unstable, but I was pretty sure Id be able to get out and walk without immediately falling on my face, and that was all I needed. I could deal with the slight dizziness that lingered. What flowers do you think we should get? I asked. My mom glanced at me, the surprise clear on her face. She stared at me for a moment, as if trying to work out why Id asked, before lifting her chin. It depends, she said in a snooty tone. Hopefully, the florist has a good selection this year, but Mon and Dad havent let me know theyre on their way yet, so we can always go elsewhere if needed. Good idea, I agreed, causing my mom to send me a suspicious look. Wed done that before. A couple of years back, wed driven to not just one other florist but three. None had the right selection, according to my mom. They were either wilted, too dull or garish. There were so many excuses, so many insults said within the range of the florist, and in the end, she took so long that the shops had closed. We just went to the supermarket and bought three bouquets to combine in the end. It did look really nice, though. Mom had an eye for flower arranging. Either that or she was so scared of it not looking nice and her parents hating her even more for it. But it didnt matter. Neither grandparent said anything to her. I liked to think that the housekeeper saw them, though. She always came in to tidy and make sure everything in the house was okay while my grandparents were away. Maybe she saw the bouquets every year and liked them. That thought made the ache in my heart soften slightly. Why are you walking so slowly? my mother snapped, looking back at me over her shoulder. We dont have all day! Sorry, I muttered as I hurried to catch up. I wasnt really trailing behind. I was a couple of paces back, if that, but it was clearly enough to annoy her. A small, petty part of me was tempted to fall behind again, but I ignored that thought and stayed close as we crossed the car park towards the flower shop. Hello, Amanda, the florist said as soon as we entered, a broad smile appearing on his sun-weathered face. Hello, Malcolm, Mom replied, barely even looking at the man. Her eyes were already scanning the bright rows of flowers. Have a look around and let me know if anything catches your fancy? Great, Mom said, her lip curling slightly. Shed never be openly rude to him. It was the closest florist to my grandparents house, so my grandmother used it often. If Mom were to be rude to him, it would reflect poorly on the family, but Mom had said before that she didnt think Malcolms flowers were particularly impressive. I liked the flowers, though. Or maybe I just liked flowers on the whole. I didnt have them around very often; no one had ever given them to me, and Mom didnt keep them in the house. Whenever we went shopping for them at the end of the trip, I was always reminded how much I liked them. They were pointless, in a way. Thats what my mom always said when she made us drive to a different florist because none were pretty enough for her liking. She always said that they just died. There was no point in having them around because they only lasted for a week or so before they had to be binned, so why bother? I never replied to her when she was ranting like that. There was no point, but I couldnt help arguing with her silently in my head. Surely, happiness was a good enough reason to have them. I would be happy if I walked into a room and saw a bouquet of tulips or some other plants. They were so bright and pretty, and they smelt so nice. How could that not be worth it? When I grew up and had my own place, I decided I would always have flowers. Id have different ones in each room. Something bright and colourful in the hallway by the door, like the bright pink tulips I was staring at. I turned slowly, still considering my future house. Id have something else in the kitchen. My eyes fell on a bucket of pale blue flowers with gently pointed petals. Along the centre of each slightly crinkled-looking petal was a darker streak. It was beautiful, and I knew my grandmother would hate it. It wasnt her style at all, but theyd be perfect in my kitchen. They were bright but not too bright. A little subtle, and I loved them. I leaned closer, reading the label. Love-in-a-mist. It was a strange name, but I tried to commit it to memory. I knew it would be years before I was in a position to be able to buy the flowers, but I hoped Id remember them. Continuing to walk through the shop and smiling at Malcolm, I eyed the rows of brightly coloured flowers. Maybe Id have sunflowers in the house somewhere. I wasnt sure really where theyd go. I was running out of rooms. Maybe they could go in the lounge. Or would they be too big and bright for that? Perhaps theyd be better by the front door, and then I could move the tulips to the lounge? But I would definitely have roses in my bedroom, I realised as I moved closer to where my mom was standing and eyeing the multicoloured display with a critical expression. I liked roses. They were pretty. But which colour would I go for? Red was classic, obviously. I knew that, but some of the other ones were so nice too. The yellow was too bright for the bedroom, but I did still like them. Maybe they could go in the hall with the sunflowers? My mom let out a frustrated huff before leaning towards the peach roses. Her eyes narrowed as she searched it for faults that did not exist, and I started to turn. Id already seen everything, though. Id completed a full lap of the shop, and it felt like Id looked at all of the flowers. I could always go again, but there was no real point. There was nothing new for me to see. It would be best if I just stood quietly by my mom and waited patiently for her to make a decision, which could take hours. I slipped my phone out of my pocket, trying not to catch Moms attention. We still had four hours until the shop closed. It was unlikely wed be there for the whole time, but not impossible. Dizziness reached out for me immediately, sensing my resignation to stand there and do nothing. I couldnt bring myself to do it; it was too boring, and I was too used to the stimulation of the other worlds. As much as I wanted to support my mom and be there for her, I knew there was no point. She wouldnt want my input at all. Id just return whenever we asked me a question. My stomach started to turn as I searched for the strange floating island, eager to return to the arcade, before I stopped myself. Even though I really wanted to see what the games were like there, I needed to check in on the other world. It was more important to me, even though the floating world was more fun. It wouldnt last, though. I knew that. Too much was looming just around the corner. I didnt want to start medical training or become a politician or whatever else was about to happen there. I just wanted to be a kid. In the spy world, I wasnt quite just doing that, though. I was learning how to become a killer, and I knew that, but it felt different. It was more fun, in a way. Yes, I was learning how to shoot people and where to stab them, but I was also learning different languages and about different cultures and history and so much more. Plus, I wanted to go back to the people there. I missed them so much even though it hadnt been that long since Id seen them last. It felt like it, though. They were locked in a different part of the school to me, and if they didnt pass the induction, Id never see them again. My heart thumped unhappily, and I lifted my head from the pillow, barely noticing the dizziness that washed over me. Id fallen asleep without turning off the lights, I realised as I blinked in the brightness, trying to force my eyes to focus on the alarm clock on my bedside table. I really didnt want to miss the tour with Rodgers. I couldnt miss it. I had to be up early so I could get ready, and I needed to be there. The real me had to go on the tour. I didnt want to just experience it on autopilot and only have memories of seeing the Academy for the first time. That would suck. What if I missed something important? Or if Rodgers said something I needed to know? My vision finally focused, and a sigh of relief slipped through my lips. It was only a little after two. I still had hours until I needed to start preparing, and that realisation made a smile stretch over my lips as my head dropped onto the pillow again, and I let dizziness seize me. Urgh. We need something more, Dina said, her tone frustrated as she walked forward. I just dont know what, though. The world quickly came into focus, and I stared at Dina, fear thumping in my heart. She was standing, hovering high above the ground, and, with a start, I realised that I was too. I was so far from the hill below that the people wandering around below looked like ants. Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit. My breathing started to speed up as I looked around, trying to work out what was happening. We werent falling, I realised after a couple of seconds. We were staying exactly where we were, somehow, and we werent plummeting towards the ground. It was almost like we were standing on an invisible platform. It felt strangely solid beneath my feet, but I couldnt see anything when I looked down. Well, nothing except the land far below, and that made my head spin even faster. I was still struggling with the leftover vertigo from returning to the world. I didnt need to also be dealing with dizziness from the height. My eyes snapped up, focusing on Dina and trying to ignore the sun floating high in the sky, almost even with us. Dinas expression was troubled. Her eyebrows were pulled together as she walked across the invisible platform, squinting down at the people below. She cocked her head to one side before flicking her fingers. I jumped slightly as a grey menu popped into existence before her, and she started to read the options, her expression becoming even more troubled. I dont get it, she muttered almost to herself. How are they starving? She looked up at me expectantly, and I swallowed down my anxiety, letting muscle memory take over as I copied her gesture to pull up the menu. My eyes scanned the stats on the grey panel before me. Im not sure. They should have enough crops, even with all the natural disasters, I said. They have enough farms, and weve got them researching hydroponics. As long as some survive until weve unlocked that, we should be fine, right? Yeah, I guess, Dina said reluctantly. But I still dont get why the crops arent growing. I squinted at the nearest farm, causing it to zoom in quickly. The image was perfectly clear and large in my view. I could see everything from the farmer working the land to the pale leaves that burst free of the ground and stretched weakly towards the sun. I dont know. Maybe the soil is too acidic? I suggested, blinking and looking at the next farm. Or we didnt leave it long enough since the last flood. Maybe the land doesnt have enough minerals? Did we research advanced fertiliser in the end? Dinas eyes flashed blue as she scanned the menus, searching for our evolution and advancement stats. Ah, no. We didnt. We decided on creating universities instead, she said with a slight grimace, even though it was definitely the right decision. They generated way more research points. We needed them. Okay, I said slowly, trying to work out a plan in my head. How long do we have left until the hydroponics are done? About seven months, Dina told me. Ah. And then they normally take three months or so to actually be able to produce crops, and our citizens will last I brought up another panel, reading it quickly. Oh twelve months at the current rate, but theyll be seriously reduced in numbers. We could make it work. Wed have to put a lot of effort into the rebuild, though. We could, Dina replied slowly. But people will be so sad about their families dying, and thatll make it harder. Good point. Okay so, what do you think we should do? Dina frowned, her eyes fixed on one of the farmers. Why dont we move them? she suggested. I know our settlement is great, and it would mean starting over on a lot of things, but higher ground might be better, like that other place we were going to use as the base. Wed have less floods, and the crops might grow better? My lips pressed together as I considered it. It would be a difficult journey for our citizens. They might not all make it, and theyd have no houses or shelter up there. They wouldnt be able to bring all of their equipment or schools or anything, but we could leave a couple of people behind with the remains of the crops that we stored for the winter. Okay, that could work I started to say before being interrupted by a loud alarm. Oh, what now? A red light lit the sky, and Dina and I looked around as our people continued about their lives, unaware of the blaring signal. I instinctively swiped up, bringing up the emergency warning system. My eyes darted back and forth as my heart sank slightly. I was glad wed sunk so many research points into developing the system. It meant we had way more warning when natural disasters were about to strike, which seemed to happen every couple of minutes in that simulation. A hurricane? Dina groaned as she read the same warning I was reading. Really? Why are we getting another one? I thought Earth only had, like, one a century. Weve already had two! This cant be realistic. I let out a sigh, scanning the suggested course of action. It was another thing wed dropped extra research points on, and it wasnt really necessary, but I liked having it. It made me feel a little bit more in control. Plus, it definitely made things more realistic. Earth must have had emergency protocols just like we did. I mean, I wasnt meant to know about them, but Id overheard a few conversations between my parents that made it clear the city was prepared to do what it needed. What do you think we should do? I asked with a sigh. We could probably relocate everyone to the bunker, I guess? They should be safe there. That was what the system was recommending, after all. It generally was pretty good at choosing the best thing to do to preserve life and progress. We cant, Dina said miserably. We turned it into cold storage after the last hurricane, remember? Im sorry, thats my fault. I thought wed had all of the natural disasters! We never normally get this many! Theres probably been an update or something, I said, flicking my fingers to check the menu. Yeah, updated a few weeks ago. I mean we have a few real-time minutes until it hits. We could get them to start clearing it out? That wont take them more than a couple of days. Dina pressed her lips together as she stared at the in-game clock ticking forward quickly. We were running out of time, and we both knew it. We needed to come to a decision fast. My hand itched to reach out and make an order for our citizens, but I didnt want to do it without Dinas agreement. It was clear she was thinking about something, anyway. She had a good mind for that kind of thing. Sometimes, she came up with solutions that I didnt even see. Maybe shed suggest moving to higher ground again. We could see the path the hurricane was most likely going to take. If we were careful, we could avoid it. Or perhaps there was something else. Maybe Id missed something. I dismissed the emergency warning system and stared down at the people again, trying to figure out what it was that Dina was seeing. The people were wandering around, seemingly aimlessly. They were milling in the streets, heading to their houses and huts as the sun painted vibrant multicoloured streaks in the sky above them. I really dont want to have to listen to their screams again, Dina mumbled after a few seconds. Ah. She hadnt thought of any alternative plans. She had just been worrying about our people dying. I understood that even though I was a little disappointed. It was the worst part of the game. Whenever a disaster struck or war or famine or something, the game always blasted the sounds of people screaming and dying. It was deafening, and I swear it always went on for far too long. It wasnt necessary. We already knew what was happening to them. We could see the population count ticking down quickly along the top of the world. The noises just made it so much worse. They always left me unwilling to play the game again for a little while, which wasnt what I wanted. It was meant to be an easy game, one we could play for a little and have a good time before moving on to play Ice Escape. Hey, why dont we just stop? I suggested. Dina looked up at me in surprise. What? We can tap out now before the hurricane hits, I said quickly, glancing at the countdown that had appeared. Then, we dont need to hear all the screaming, and the game will be saved, so we can always come back to it another time when we have a plan. What do you think? Huh Dina said slowly. I guess we could. Or we could just start again next time. Im not feeling too connected to these people anyway. She grinned at me widely. Same, I lied. I always felt connected to our citizens. I wasnt sure why. It was just something that happened every single time I played. Thats why I could never do any of the destruction runs that Id seen other people doing. They created cults and even had their citizens sacrifice others, laughing at the death and destruction, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. Dina reached up, tapping her temple, and disappeared from sight immediately. It was almost like shed never been there at all. I knew I should have followed her straight away, but I hesitated, looking down over the beautiful world that we had forged. They were our people, and they didnt deserve to die. I didnt want them to. I allowed myself to watch them for a few seconds, enjoying the peace, before reaching up and touching my temples. The world disappeared. For a few seconds, all I could see was darkness, but it cleared before long. The dazzlingly bright arcade was blinding, and I blinked, trying to force my eyes to adjust quicker. Finally, my vision cleared, and I looked around. I was standing on a raised black platform in front of a giant screen. The fans surrounding it whirred softly as they powered down, and I couldnt help but stare at the arcade machine in awe. The world wed created had been so clear and realistic. It was incredible. I hadnt been able to see any of the arcade around me; it had felt like I was actually there, floating above the sky. Which machine shall we use? Dina called back to me. Right or left? I looked up, forcing my expression to be neutral and not show any of the wonder that flowed through me. It wasnt the first time Id gone to the arcade in that world. I should have been used to it. Right, I said, deciding at random. Dina grinned and started to move towards that machine, but I hesitated again, looking back at the screen in front of me. Our civilisation was still there. They were paused, frozen to the spot, and that made me happy. Theyd be there forever. Time would never move forward for them, so theyd be happy and safe. The hurricane wouldnt hit. No one would ever die. A smile grew on my lips as I started to walk away from them. I knew they werent real, but there was a part of me that really enjoyed looking after the people and making sure they were as happy and healthy as possible. That gave me hope. It made me think that if the medical tests hadnt gone well, then maybe Id enjoy working in politics. I was pretty sure Id be accepted for that. Perhaps I could just pretend I was playing World Designer. The decisions would seem much smaller then, and that would be much easier to handle. Id be okay with it. Actually, I think Id probably be quite good at it. Pushing those thoughts aside, I stepped up onto the platform where Dina stood, adjusting the thin silver bracelets on her wrists. Instinctively, my hands went to my own, and I looked down. I hadnt even noticed them before, and I barely remembered slipping them out of my pocket before we started playing World Designer. I must have done that, though. I didnt wear them all the time like Dina and most other kids. The feel of the gravity rigs against my skin irritated me too much. Okay, Dina said, dropping her hands to her sides and bouncing on the balls of her feet as if about to break into a run. Are you ready? 3.36 Whats biological warfare? Ready, I replied, and the world turned black as Dina activated the machine. I was more prepared for it that time. I barely felt any panic as I waited for the image to materialise in my contacts, but nothing happened. It just stayed dark. I blinked, trying to force the picture to appear, but still, I couldnt see anything apart from blackness. Had something gone wrong? The thought came out of nowhere, and anxiety spiked within me. Maybe my contacts had malfunctioned? Or the game had? Im here, Dina hissed loudly, and I turned in the direction of her voice. There was a loud rustle of crinkly material close to my ear as I moved. It was strangely familiar, but it took me a couple of seconds to place it. I was wearing a thick winter jacket, a puffy one. I couldnt see it when I looked down, but I knew thats what I was wearing. It was the standard clothing option when we started the game. Relief crashed into me. Nothing had gone wrong, I realised. I was just panicking. Ice Escape always started with us in a dark room. The storage room. We were safe, but that wouldnt last. We had to get moving. Instinct and experience took over. Okay, I muttered, stepping in the direction that Dinas voice had come from. We need to find the torches. They should be on the shelves somewhere. You search the ones behind you, and Ill take the ones behind me. If you find any other equipment, just put it in your inventory for now. Once we have the torches and can see, well split everything we found. Got it, Dina whispered, and I heard the brush of fabric as she turned around. Im not sure why I briefed Dina like that. I just always did. We had the same procedure whenever we played Ice Escape, and it started with me telling her where to look every time. It just worked better that way. The game always started with us being dropped into a random storeroom, and the equipment and weapons were randomised, but there were always torches. They were never in the same place on the shelves, though, and that made it more difficult. I think I preferred it that way, maybe. It made it a bit more panicked and fun at first. We didnt even realise there were supplies in the storeroom when we first started playing. Wed just searched blindly for the door and tried to see how long we could last outside without any items, which, shockingly was not particularly long. The world was too dangerous, the wildlife too hungry. We died gruesomely a handful of times before Dina bumped into one of the shelves, and a torch rolled off, illuminating the room when it hit the floor. That was a game changer, and from there, we hadnt looked back. There was so much in that one room alone. Sometimes, there were overpowered guns that helped us clear the first few levels without even breaking a sweat. Other times, the items were less useful. Just a few shields or ammo for weapons we didnt have yet. It was just luck. Cold metal brushed against my fingertips as I walked forward, searching for the shelf, and excitement flared within me. I reached out, finding the top of the shelf and resting my palms on the surface before starting to hunt for items. Before long, I found something. It was flat, a scrap of paper, but I grabbed it immediately and shoved it into my pocket. The moment it passed the threshold, it disappeared. A small, unobtrusive dot appeared in the corner of my vision, but my eyes flicked towards it. My inventory popped up, the bright money symbol standing out against the dark room, and a frown came over my face. Id only picked up twenty. That wasnt the normal amount. Usually, we found fifty minimum. I continued searching the shelf until I found more paper. My fingers scrabbled against the metal as I made sure Id grabbed it all and stored it in my inventory again. Ninety-six. That was more like it. It wasnt a particularly high amount, not the most wed come across, at least, but I was still hopeful. Maybe it was a lucky run. We had those sometimes. They didnt happen often, but occasionally, wed have a game where everything went well. We picked up more money than usual, the weapons were fantastic, and we even got good armour. That was what we needed if we wanted to beat the final monster. We could always restart the game until we lucked out and got what we needed, but that seemed like a bad idea. It was too random. There was no way to know how long it would take for us to get everything, and people would be finishing school soon. The arcade would be too busy. I started moving sidewards slowly, sweeping my hands across the shelf methodically and shoving items into my pocket until I hit the wall before moving back the other way. Once I reached the far wall, almost tripping when my foot hit the entrance to the underground storage, I leant down and searched the next shelf. It wasnt until I reached the lowest one that my hand closed around something I recognised. A grin formed on my face as I lifted the surprisingly heavy torch and grabbed the other one. Light, I whispered, giving Dina a couple of seconds to prepare herself before pressing the button. The room was illuminated at once, and I stood quickly, pointing the torch into the corners and making sure there was nothing in the storage room with us. It didnt happen often. Its a glitch or something, apparently. It came from an update about a year ago. After that, monsters just sometimes appeared in the first room as soon as we switched the torch on. The devs were working on it, but nothing had changed yet. I think were good, Dina muttered, her head whipping from side to side as she checked. I peered into the dark corner of the room, needing to make sure, before letting out a soft sigh. I dont see anything, I confirmed. Here. Oh, thanks, she said, taking the other torch from me. Did you find anything good? Mmm, I said, pulling up my inventory again and scanning through the items Id picked up. I got a fair bit of money, a handgun, two grenades and oh, nice! I got share pockets! Dinas grin widened. Equip it! she cried. I focused on the glowing image of a pocket in my inventory, waiting until the menu popped up. Okay I said slowly. Have you got the request? Blinking away the inventory, I scanned the room again, paranoid that there could be something hiding behind one of the shelves. The one on Dinas side of the room had a metal back, but it didnt seem to be leaning against the exposed brick wall. I attached the torch to the mount on my shoulder and slipped my handgun out of my pocket, gesturing for Dina to continue speaking. Her eyes widened, and she pulled a long rifle from her inventory as she watched me edge toward the end of the shelving unit. Yeah, its just come through, she said, her voice slightly tight with tension as her grip tightened on the weapon. I got some good things too. Some money, thirty-two, a rifle, and a shield, but I might drop it. I leapt around the edge of the shelves, raising my gun as my eyes scanned the dusty, empty space. A sigh slipped out of my lips, and I sagged back against the wall, being careful not to put too much weight on it. Not all of the shacks were as strong as they looked at first. Were safe, I said. Oh, phew. I was terrified for a second there, Dina replied, pressing a hand against her chest as she held the rifle out to me. Here. Thanks, I grinned, taking it from her and passing over the handgun Id been clutching. I know it isnt your favourite, but Dont worry. There might be a good one in the bunker. Do you want the shield, by the way? I hesitated, pulling up my inventory again and flicking to examine Dinas items. It was so much easier to do that instead of just getting her to pull out the item and examining it myself. Share pockets was one of my favourite equips in the entire game. The shield wasnt anything special, though. Its stats were fairly low, and it was bulky. It was one of the annoying ones that didnt autoequip. Id need to physically be holding it each time I wanted to use it, and that would make using the rifle harder. No, its okay, I said. But might as well keep it. It might come in handy. Dina pursed her lips as she considered it. Fine. But Im dropping it the moment I find a better one. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. Great. The bunker is over here, by the way, I told her, pointing towards it with my foot. I almost tripped on it when I was searching the shelves. She let out a soft snort. What a way to go that would have been, she joked. Okay, do you want to open it or shoot? I hesitated. It made more sense for Dina to be the one to open the hatch. She could easily use her gun one-handed if needed, but the rifle was less easy. Dina was weaker, though. The hatch was always so heavy, and if she took too long opening it, I wouldnt be able to get a good shot on the monsters underneath. If there were stairs rather than a ladder, wed be mauled before I even had a chance to sight them. What do you think? I asked, causing Dina to laugh. Move back, she instructed, pushing the sleeves of her grey snowsuit up. I can do this. Are you sure? She looked up at me, raising an eyebrow. I managed it easily last time, she pointed out. That wasnt quite true. She had been able to get the heavy metal doors open faster than she usually did, but shed also almost dropped them on me. It was partially my fault. I shouldnt have been standing in the way of the doors, but I didnt think they would fall to the ground. They didnt normally open that much. You did, I agreed, carefully moving out of the way of where the doors would fall just in case they swung open, and Dina dropped them on my foot again. Okay, you get the doors? Dina shuffled around, attaching her torch to her shoulder too, so she could hold her handgun in one hand and wrestle with the hatch with the other. I watched her, trying to keep my breathing under control. It felt silly. Id played Ice Escape hundreds of times, if not more, but the moment when the doors fell open, and the monster or monsters below attacked was always terrifying to me. I should have been used to it; I knew that. It was part of the fun of the game, after all, but it still scared me. I did enjoy it too, obviously. I wouldnt keep going back to the arcade if I didnt. Ready when you are, Dina muttered, her grip tightening on the handle. As always, she gave me a few seconds to pull myself together before looking back at me. I took a deep breath, lifted my rifle so I could stare down the sight at whatever waited below, and nodded. The moment the hatch was pulled back, a scream came from below. I barely had time to see the short, scuttling legs scrambling up the stairs towards us before I fired. Four, I called to Dina, hoping shed be able to hear me over the gunshots. The eight-legged spider-like creatures rushed towards us, clambering over the bodies of their fallen kin as if they were nothing. Blood sprayed away from them as our bullets found their marks, and in seconds, the world was quiet again. My ragged breathing was too loud, I realised as I counted silently. If we managed to get to ten, that meant there were no more monsters down there. The cunning ones never spawned there. It was always the big ones that rushed at us rather than waiting in the shadows until our guard was down. I got to eight before another screech came from the darkness, and something flew towards us. I barely had time to lift my gun before the airborne creature exploded into a puff of feathers. Youre welcome, Dina said snootily before bursting into laughter. Now were even after you saved me from being savaged from that bear thing. A stuttering giggle escaped my lips as relief crashed into me. I wouldnt exactly say were even, I argued. I still had time to stop that one, but the bear literally had its teeth around your neck. Dina sighed heavily. Fine. Next time, Ill wait until youre about to be mauled to death, and then Ill step in. I laughed, the sound coming out more evenly. You dont need to. Actually, Id prefer it if you stepped in before my snowsuit gets ruined. She cocked her head. No, she decided with a wicked grin. I dont think I will. Now, down you go. Ill follow you. My heart jumped in equal parts anxiety and excitement, and I squatted, pulling my torch away from my shoulder before letting out a low whistle. Damn, this place is huge, I said. Dina leaned down, staring into the hole. Really? she asked. Do you think its another hospital? Did we finally find it again? The anticipation in her voice was evident, but I was torn. The underground hospital wed found was incredible. It was an entire network, a building even bigger than our hospital on the island but completely underground. It stretched out so far, and there was so much loot in there. We found countless guns and equips. So many heal packs too, but nothing came of it. An overgrown dog with bony spurs jutting out of its spine had made the laundry room its home. We didnt even notice it at first. We were too distracted by the many clothing options scattered around the room. Some were so rare that Id never seen them before, and I havent seen them since. I was busy trying to decide whether the defence buff or evasion buff would be more useful to me when I saw it, and for a moment, I was rendered silent. All I could do was stare at the beast as it frothed at the mouth. Then I screamed, and seconds later, both Dina and I were dead. Before we found it, I thought the hospital was a myth. There had been rumours about it, but that was all I thought it was. I never dreamed Id get to see it with my own eyes, and I still dont know what we did to trigger it. Perhaps it was just luck. Or maybe it was entirely random. I wasnt sure, but I longed to find it again. Wed be more prepared that time. Wed know there were monsters there. I dont think its the hospital, I said slowly. But its definitely more than just a bunker. Go on, Dina urged. Go down! Moving slowly, I started to edge down the stairs, straining my ears to pick up any sound that shouldnt have been there. If there were spiders and that bird there before, there could be more. There probably would be. I couldnt let my guard down. We needed to get to the final level, and that meant clearing out all of the monsters and not dying. But once I got halfway down the stairs, that thought escaped my mind. All thoughts left my mind, really. I was too overwhelmed by the sight before me. I was standing on the top floor of a building, looking over the balcony. Someone must have planted an indoor garden in the centre long ago because it was now overgrown and wild. Either that or nature had started to reclaim the land that had once been taken from it. Both options seemed likely. There were vines danging all the way from the cracked roof to the bottom floor so far below. They wrapped around the pillars supporting the balcony opposite me, leaving only the smallest sliver of white visible between their dense leaves. Wow, Dina breathed, walking towards the edge of the balcony and standing beside me. What was this place? I pulled my torch from my shoulder, sweeping it around the huge space. The beam didnt even reach the far walls, but the ceiling above was splintered and let in some light. Plants plunged into the room through the cracks, and snow fluttered through some of the larger holes, creating constant movement throughout the open room. It made me feel on edge, and I hated it. My gaze darted from side to side, seeing nothing but snowflakes. Still, I couldnt look away. I felt like there was something there. Something that I was missing. A bird, maybe. The one that had flown up the stairs at us was white. Others like it could be hidden amongst the snow, and there was no way Id see them. Not until they flew at us, at least. I dont trust that, Dina muttered, eyeing the snow suspiciously. Me either, I agreed. Was this a hospital? I hesitated before answering. There was something about it that looked vaguely medical. Even with the rubble and dust that lined the floor around us, it looked somewhat clean. The walls were originally white, and the ground too. I shone my light around the room again, searching for anything that would confirm our suspicions before pausing. It was a research lab, I said slowly. Look over there. I pointed towards a sign that hung from the opposite balcony. It was bowing under the weight of vines and age. Some letters had fallen to the wilderness below, but enough could be read. Whats biological warfare? And why is there a lab for it? I stared at the words too, searching my brain for any information that would help. I knew what the words meant separately, obviously, but I couldnt work out how they could be connected. I dont know, I replied, a creeping feeling starting to settle over me. But I dont think we should be here. What? Dina asked, spinning towards me. Why not? I looked around again. Im not sure. I just have a weird feeling. Dina pouted. I dont want to leave, though. I bet theres so much good stuff here! Yeah I started. She was probably right. If we were in a lab, there would be some good loot. Wed never found one that big before, but wed stumbled across smaller ones, and they always had a lot. We could just stick together, and if we see anything, run, she said, her eyes wide and pleading. That might work Plus, dont you want to know what the sign means? Dina asked, her voice growing slightly louder as she sensed my defences were crumbling. I really did. I found biology fascinating, and there was something about the place that unnerved me, but it also intrigued me. Fine, I said, causing Dina to do a quick happy dance. But were not splitting up. Of course, she said as if it was a stupid suggestion and not something we did most of the time. It was the easiest way to cover ground quickly, especially in the earlier levels where it was rare wed come across anything we needed two people to bring down. And we need to keep an eye on the centre of the room, I added. Agreed. And I started. If we find anything really weird, we just leave. Oh, Dina said before seeing the firm expression on my face and sighing. Alright. But what counts as really weird? I shook my head. I dont know. But well know it when we see it. Dina heaved another sigh. Fine. Ill keep my eyes open for anything that just seems weird, she said, her tone making it clear she would much rather just rush in. That was the way she always wanted to do it. She much preferred diving in with no firm plan and just seeing what happens, but then she got so frustrated if she was repeatedly killed. It was better to find a middle ground. To go slow and take time to work out what to do and where to go before it was too late. Thank you, I said genuinely. Dina just rolled her eyes at me, but a smile played on her lips. Its nothing, she said. So which way do you want to go? 3.37 Here it goes! I hesitated, glancing in both directions as I debated where to go first. There wasnt anything particularly eye-catching in either direction, and that made it harder to decide. Normally, in Ice Escape, there was a clear path for us to take. It wasnt always obvious, but if we looked hard enough, we generally found something that showed us which way the developers wanted us to go. Normally, that was in the form of something bright yellow, like a cloth or an abandoned high-vis jacket. They trampled it a little bit, made it muddy, so it was harder to spot, but we always found it. And then we ignored it. For a little, anyway. The marker always led further into the level, towards the boss, but the other way was usually a dead end, and most of the time, there was loot there. Or a monster. Or both. That was most common. I scoured the rubble around us, searching for even a hint of yellow, but found nothing. The only brightly coloured items were the pink flowers dotted amongst the vines hanging from the ceiling. We couldnt rely on the devs to tell us which way to go, and that excited me. It made the game more difficult. Sweeping my torch around, I eyed our options. If we went left, wed need to go down to the next level down. The ground was too unstable, and it had collapsed from age or whatever had happened in the lab. There was no way to get across the chasm to the other side, but it looked like the collapsed floor formed a pretty nice slope for us to climb down. It seemed a little more stable to the right, though. There were still spots where the concrete had crumbled away, leaving gaping holes, but I was pretty sure they could be avoided easily enough. Wed just need to move slowly and carefully. Can you see anything on the right? I asked softly. Dinas torch moved in a wide arch as she scanned the area to check for monsters before squinting into the distance. I could sense her excitement and impatience to start exploring, but she held herself back, waiting for me to make a decision. Not really, she said. I think theres a wall or something over there, but Im not sure. Okay. How about we head in that direction for now and see what we find? We can always turn around if theres nothing there. Dina nodded, her torch sweeping the cavernous lab again before she looked at me. That sounds good! she nodded. Do you want to take the front as usual, and Ill make sure nothing sneaks up on us? Sure! I paused, clipping my torch to the top of my rifle before looking up at the darkness that seemed to stretch out in front of us forever. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach, but it was overpowered by excitement. Normally, the idea of sneaking through a research lab would have filled me with fear, especially knowing that there were creatures inside just waiting to murder us, but I barely felt any. I wasnt sure if it was just Dinas palpable eagerness or my own need to explore the lab, but something was helping. Dina fell into place behind me as I started to edge forward, moving slowly and scanning the floor and area around us. The concrete beneath my feet felt pretty solid, but I listened closely for the telltale trickle of stone giving way, unable to trust it. Well, it was more the devs I didnt trust. Id played the game enough to know they absolutely would tempt us into an environment like the lab, distracting us with the promise of loot and knowledge before burying us under a tonne of concrete and stone. That would not be a good way to go, even with the limited pain settings. Wait, I hissed, stopping suddenly as the hairs on my arm stood on end. A loud rustle of fabric behind me made me wince as Dina stumbled midstep, trying to avoid walking into me. I wished we werent wearing the damn suits. If wed found the lab later, even in a couple of levels time, it would have been so much easier to sneak about. We would have been able to upgrade our clothes to the silent snowsuits, and we could have had vision buffs or something. That would have made me feel so much better. What is it? she asked, her tone tight with anxiety and expectation. There was something in the distance. I couldnt see it properly; it was just a huge shadowy shape, but it almost looked like it was moving. Maybe it was just my eyes playing tricks on me in the torchlight, but I didnt want to risk it. If it were a creature, we wouldnt be able to fight it properly from where we were standing. The floor was too patchy. Wed be at a disadvantage, and we wouldnt even be able to run if we needed to. Three oclock, I muttered, squinting into the darkness. I swear that thing just moved. My heart pounded as Dinas torch turned towards the shape, and I forced myself to do what wed done a hundred times before: prepare for the fight. Scanning the ground, I tried to commit what I thought was a safe path to memory before sweeping my torch in an arch behind Dina to make sure nothing was circling behind us while we were distracted. I dont think its anything, Dina decided after a tense couple of seconds. I glanced at the potential creature again, unable to make any details out. Maybe Dina was right. She usually was about things in the game. Okay, I muttered, starting to pad forward again, my eyes flicking between the giant shape and the path in front of us. Worry built in my chest as we moved. The path was taking us towards the creature or bolder or whatever it was, and the holes in the floor made it impossible to go any other way. Not unless we went pretty much all the way back to the start of where wed come into the lab and went right along the edge of the balcony, but that felt like a horrible idea. The wall had crumbled too, and if one of us made the wrong step, wed plunge to our deaths. Instead, we just had to continue towards the shape that I was almost certain was a monster. My heart pounded in my ears, the noise somehow drowning out the almost deafening crinkle of our suits, and I forced myself to breathe as evenly as possible. Told you so, Dina muttered as we drew even closer, nudging me softly in the back. I tightened my grip on my gun, trying not to jump. Oh yeah, I said with a slightly shaky laugh. Just a bolder, I guess. Still, I couldnt stop myself from scanning the shape and searching for movement. It was clearly a rock or chunk of concrete, but there could be a monster under it. It wouldnt be the first time the devs had done that to us. Are you okay? Dina asked softly. Youre kind of jumpy today. Yeah, fine, I answered immediately. Dina paused, and I knew she didnt really believe me. I wouldnt have either. She was right, after all. I was being jumpy, and I had no clue why I felt so much more on edge and nervous than usual. It was just a game, nothing more. I wasnt actually on the surface, exploring an abandoned lab, and I likely never would be. I was in an arcade in the city, far above any danger. The thought did make me feel a little better. Is it because of the officials? Dina asked, her tone lighthearted and helping to make me feel at ease. Did you get a zip from your parents already? No, no, I reassured her, my eyes flicking up to the top of my screen to check my notifications. Ive not got anything from them. I bet they dont even know we left school. There was a slight pause before she spoke again, her voice much softer. Are you still thinking about the results? I swallowed, anxiety flaring in my heart again. No, I lied as I paused to step over a short, crumbled wall. Dina snorted softly, and I saw her torch move out of the corner of my eye as she clambered over too. Itll be fine, Clea, she promised me. Theyll post them any day now, and I know theyll pick you. Theyd be stupid not to. Thanks, I said, unable to sound as sure as she did. It was hard. About a week ago, Id said the exact thing to Dina when she said she was scared she wasnt going to be picked to become an artist. I still didnt understand how they could have overlooked her, and selfishly, that was making me feel more nervous about my own chances. She was incredible. If they could look at her work and say she wasnt, the board could definitely reject me as well. Dina was so much better suited to become an artist than I was to become a doctor, and I knew that. I always had. My heart started to sink as anxiety clawed at me, and I pushed the thought away, scanning our surroundings in an attempt to distract myself. Part of me wished the devs had developed some kind of mind-reading tool because I knew if we were attacked by a monster, I wouldnt be able to keep worrying about the results and my future. Id be too busy focusing on the fight. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. But no attack came. It was a little disappointing, but I barely had time to think about that. Something had appeared in the distance. Slow, I whispered, warning Dina I was changing our pace. Nothing bad. Got it. Wed already been moving at a crawl, but I needed to go slower. We were starting to approach the wall that Dina had seen in the distance before, and the floor was even more pitted and unstable. If I chose the wrong path, wed fall straight through, and I didnt trust that wed be able to get back up. The other way, the ramp, would disappear the moment I made a mistake, and I knew it. But, as I led us closer to the wall, I realised something was wrong with it. The stone, or concrete, or whatever it was made out of, had crumbled long ago, exposing the metal below. It wasnt just support beams or metal panelling like wed seen before. The entire wall, the whole space, was a solid metal wall. And it was huge. It stretched the width of the entire balcony we were on, easily twenty metres or so, but I couldnt tell if it was just the one wall that was made out of metal or if the entire room was a metal box? That didnt feel right, though. Why would it be? It was used sometimes to protect against certain types of radiation and things like that. Wed been taught about that before in school when they discussed the survival efforts, but the bunkers were generally buried in the ground, werent they? Why would they need something like that on the top floor of a research facility? Was it because of whatever they were researching? The biological warfare? Knowledge slammed into me. Somehow, I hadnt been able to access it before. I didnt know what biological warfare meant. In that world, the one where I lived amongst the clouds, it wasnt a thing. Wed never even been taught about it in school, and it wasnt in any media. But the real me knew what the words meant, and that filled me with terror. Id read too many books about it; I think that was the issue. Watched too many post-apocalyptic movies too. They were Phoebes fault. She loved them. And, as I stood there, staring at the wheel in the centre of the wall that probably unlocked the terrifying metal box, the awareness of exactly what type of lab we were standing in washed over me. Maybe I was wrong. Perhaps there werent actually flesh-eating bacteria or viruses that could turn people into zombies or cause their eyes to melt out of their skulls or anything like that in the lab. It could have been something less terrifying. More I couldnt think of a way to finish that thought. Every single idea I came up with was more horrifying than the last, but I couldnt stop my feet from moving forward. As scared as I was, I had to know what was inside the room before me. It was something important. It had to be. They wouldnt have protected it like that if it wasnt, and it was just a game, anyway. A game wed sunk hours and hours into to try and complete. The key to killing the final boss could be in the room, and I was too stubborn to turn my back on it just because I was scared. I refused to be that pathetic and weak about something that couldnt even hurt me properly. What is that? Dina breathed, staring at the metal door, her eyes wide with wonder. Shed never seen a lock like that before, I realised. I hadnt either, not really. Id seen them in movies before, obviously. There were always huge vault doors that had a wheel in the middle and some kind of complex way of opening them, but Id never actually been able to reach out and touch one. A lock, I told Dina before adding, I read about it in a textbook once. It was a weak lie, but Dina was too distracted to notice. How do you open it? she asked, glancing away to check our surroundings. I paused, unsure how to answer her. I had no clue. People either just twisted the wheel in the centre or I was pretty sure sometimes people exploded the vault doors in movies too, somehow leaving the contents completely unharmed. It seemed unlikely either would work for us. The door was probably locked so it wouldnt just twist open, and we didnt have any explosives yet. Id picked up a couple of grenades, though. They might work, but it felt too risky. We had no clue what was inside the room, or safe, or whatever it was, and I didnt want to take the chance of destroying it. Plus, the building was too fragile. I didnt know how the metal room hadnt gone plunging through the floor straight to the ground already, but I didnt want to tempt fate. I dont know, I told Dina as we reached the strip of solid concrete floor in front of the safe. Thankfully, the developers had been kind enough not to make us balance on a thin stretch of concrete as we figured out how to open it. Theres a keypad, though. There is? Dina asked, sounding shocked as she leaned around me to stare at the ancient piece of tech. I was just as surprised as her. In all the years wed been playing Ice Escape, wed never come across a keypad lock. There were mechanical locks on all the chests, of course, but nothing like the one before us. It probably wasnt a big deal, but it felt like it. Everything in the lab felt different and new. It was more realistic than the rest of the game too. Even the keypad before me looked like one Id see in real life. The numbers had been rubbed away from age or potentially use, and the rubber below was crumbled. In some places, it was completely missing. Five numbers. The rubber had been worn away on five of the numbers. That must have been the code. The buttons that were used most often would have been the weakest. They would have succumbed to decay first. My heart leapt in excitement. We knew what numbers the code used; we just had to figure out the order, but that wouldnt be too hard. There would be a clue somewhere. I started to look around, checking the remaining walls and floors for graffiti or anything that stood out before a realisation hit me. Turning back towards the keypad, I snapped my torch onto my shoulder and fumbled with my gun as I pulled my snowsuit sleeve back, revealing the soft thermal layer beneath. What are you doing? Dina asked, her voice slightly breathy from anticipation. I just dont know, my moms loud sigh broke into the world, causing the lock to swim before my eyes as dizziness assaulted me. Fear spiked within me as I clawed at the world, fighting to stay in it. I couldnt be dragged back into reality. Not when I was so close to something. I wasnt sure what exactly, but I knew I didnt want to miss it. I couldnt leave the world for even a second. If I did, I could die. I could ruin our chances of figuring out the secrets of the lab and completing the game. Who knew when wed find the lab again, too? It might be years or potentially never! If a monster attacked me when I wasnt in the world or was grappling with the dizziness that accompanied jumping between the worlds, I wouldnt be able to fight back. My body wouldnt listen to me; Id be completely defenceless. We were only on the first level; the monster might not be that strong, but I couldnt risk it. Plus, my mom wasnt talking to me. I knew that. She was just talking aloud because she wanted to fill the silence or to get some kind of reaction. That was why she usually did it. She was probably getting frustrated at her own inability to make a decision and wanted to take it out on someone so shed feel better. It probably wasnt even me but the shopkeeper, Malcolm. I didnt need to respond to her. In fact, it would probably be better if I didnt. A tight breath hissed between my lips as the world around me solidified, and the dizziness started to retreat. Relief slammed into me. Id done it. Id managed to stay. Theres no power, I told Dina as I scrapped the grime away from the small screen above the numbers. Okay, she muttered. So we need to find a way to restore the power? I can do that. Mmm, I dont think so, I replied. The lab is ancient, right? Right? So, theres probably nothing left in the generators. There was a slight pause, and I could almost feel Dinas mind spinning as she considered solutions. Okay, so we need to find a way to generate some power? Maybe we can make a solar panel with some of the equipment here? she suggested. It shouldnt be too hard. There are enough holes in the roof. As long as we find a good one, it shouldnt take too long to power up. I examined the door again. There were no exposed wires leading away from it. They might have been concealed in the floor, but the concrete was too solid around the door. It had to be intentional, which meant My eyes found the wheel again. If the lock was powered by electricity, surely without it, it would open easily, right? It couldnt be that simple. There had to be something in place to stop people from being able to just cut the power to a building so they could break in, but we were in a video game. Real-world logic didnt always apply. I dont think we need that, I said slowly. Okay what are you thinking? Dina asked. I stared at the wheel again. It was old, so old, but somehow, the rubber coating on it was barely damaged. The metal spokes were perfect. I could only see a tiny speck of rust on the door at the base of the wheel and none on the wheel itself. That had to be intentional. This might be a bad idea. If I was wrong, the devs would probably make that very clear. But I had to try it. I love bad ideas, you know that, Dina said, clearly grinning as she spoke. Whats the idea? I think Im just going to try and open it. Dina didnt reply for a couple of seconds, and I felt anxiety growing within me. Was it that stupid of an idea? It didnt feel like it. Might as well try, she said. I glanced at the darkness surrounding us before taking a deep breath and looking down at the rifle in my hands. Id need both hands to try and open the door, but the thought of slinging the gun across my back scared me. Rolling my eyes at myself, I hit the safety before slapping the gun onto my back, where it attached automatically. It would take me a second to grab it if I needed it. I was being dumb. Reaching out, I wrapped my fingers around the surprisingly solid feeling wheel and looked at Dina, checking to make sure she was prepared. Her back was to me as she watched the darkness, her gun held aloft and ready to attack. In another world, she would have made a fantastic soldier. Or a spy. I almost wished I could pull her out of that world and into the one with the Academy. She would have loved it there, and I knew she would have done so well. If she couldnt be an artist, maybe a spy was the next best option for her. Goosebumps started to creep down my arms, and I blinked, shaking my head slightly as I scolded myself internally. I needed to stay focused. Why was I getting so distracted? That wasnt like me. This might be a fight, I warned Dina. It feels like a boss. Oh, I know, she said, bouncing on her toes as a grin spread over her face. Im ready for it. Honestly? Ive been ready to hit something for the last few days. Ever since that asshole rubbed it in my face that hes been chosen and I havent... My smile faltered slightly. Days. Shed been struggling with that for days, and I hadnt even noticed. Well then, I hope we have to go hand to hand, I told her, trying to hide my shame as I looked back at the door. A soft snort came from behind me. Even if I dont run out of ammo, I might just drop my gun. Theres probably something sharp in there that I can stab the beast with. Or maybe Ill just punch it to death, Dina sighed, sounding wistful. Unease turned in my stomach, and it wasnt just because of Dinas words or her longing tone. It was because I understood how she felt. I knew how satisfying it was, and that scared me. It was just a video game. I knew that, but it still felt wrong to enjoy murdering something even if it wanted to kill me too. But even as I thought that, a memory floated to the front of my mind. It was so visceral, so strong, that it felt like I was actually there, plunging the blade into a bear-type monsters neck. It took a surprising amount of force to get the knife in, and I could still feel the warmth of blood on my hands as it spurted from the wound. The dying cries of the animal echoed in my ears as triumph danced in my heart. It was just because it was the first time we made it past level sixteen. That was why I was so happy. It wasnt because of what Id done. But even as I thought that, I wasnt sure I believed it. Okay, I said, tightening my grip on the wheel. Here it goes! 3.38 Righty Tighty The wheel didnt move. I tried harder, throwing all my weight behind me, but the wheel didnt budge at all. Giving up, I glanced over my shoulder at Dina, who was facing away from me and watching for creatures. I might have been wrong, I admitted. Or maybe youre not strong enough, Dina teased. Do you want me to have a go? I snorted softly, looking back at the wheel. If thats the issue, I doubt you trying will help, I shot back playfully. Try again, Dina said, and I could almost hear her rolling her eyes at me. If that doesnt work, well go for plan b. Reaching for the wheel again, I paused. What was plan b? I dont know. Either finding a way to power it up or working out where exactly on this door we can shoot to disable the damn lock. I chuckled, eyeing the door as I tried to work out if that would be possible. Maybe it would if we knew exactly where to hit it. I didnt know enough about locks to feel confident about that, though. There were no marks or anything to give us any clues, either. A few pockmarks dotted the metal, but the placement seemed almost random. Confusion washed over me as I stared at the nearest dent, touching it lightly with my finger. It wasnt big, about the circumference of my index finger, and only a couple of centimetres deep, if that. The rest of the marks were about the same size, too. They were too uniform, too similar to be a coincidence. I dont think shooting it will work, I muttered, pointing my torch at the floor. Why not? Dina asked, glancing over her shoulder at me. There. Scattered on the floor in front of the door were crumpled lumps of metal. Bullets, I realised slowly. Id either somehow missed them before, or theyd been slow to load. They looked old, though. There was a thin layer of dust on them. Someone already tried that. I heard Dina swallow audibly. Well in that case, I hope those workouts youve been doing really pay off, she said, her tone slightly unsteady. Either that, or Im finally going to find a use for all the engineering work my parents have forced me to do over the years. I couldnt help the soft laugh that slipped from my lips. About time, I said, gripping the wheel again and starting to pull it before stopping as something occurred to me. Wait this might sound stupid, but which way should I be twisting this? Left or right? There was a slight pause before a snort escaped Dina. She slapped her hand to her mouth to muffle her laughter, and I waited, pressing my lips together to stop myself from joining in. Wait, wait, wait, she finally managed to get out. Clea, do not tell me youve been pulling it the wrong way? Have you been tightening it? A faint hint of embarrassment flared within me, but it was mostly eclipsed by amusement at my own mistake. Even so, I had to fight the urge to minimise the game and check to make sure no one was watching. It was too early still. School hadnt quite finished yet. I dont know! I hissed at her, a grin pulling at my lips. Which way should I have been twisting it? Left! Dina cried, her voice barely above a whisper. Lefty loosey, righty tighty! I bit the inside of my lip, trying to hold back the laugh that threatened to escape. Yeah, I said, my tone making it clear Id messed up. Thats totally what I thought. Who would have thought clockwise made way more sense? Clea, Dina groaned, dropping her head back for just a second. If you tightened it, I swear to the founder, if youve made it impossible to open, Ill kill you myself. It wont be impossible, I reassured her, not quite believing my own words. The devs wouldnt do that to us right? Oh no, was all she replied. I snorted again. Get ready, I warned her. If this opens, chances are were about to be attacked. I felt her posture shift as she lifted her gun, preparing for the inevitable attack. We might have never been in the lab before, but the devs always did stuff like that. Wed reach an interesting-looking shack or building, find a way to pick the lock, and then, the moment the door opened, a creature would leap out of nowhere and attack us. We were almost used to it at that point. We expected it. Still, anxiety thrummed in my stomach as I glanced at the illuminated and flickering stream of snow in the centre of the building. The monster would be there. If it didnt burst through the door or jump up out of one of the holes in the floor, it would fly at us from there. But I couldnt think about that. I needed to focus all of my attention and strength on trying to get the door open. If we couldnt I really didnt want to have to search the entire building for supplies. Sure, I planned to search it anyway, but it would be less fun if we had to drag everything all the way back up again. What if theyd programmed the items so they wouldnt fit in our pockets? Theyd done that before, and it was so annoying. Pushing that thought aside, I took a deep breath before gripping the rubber coating on the wheel as tightly as I could and pulling it to the left. For a moment, nothing happened. Doubt flared within me, but I gritted my teeth, forcing myself to try harder. An earsplitting squeal exploded from deep within the door, and my heart leapt into a sprint as I let go and span around, my hands reaching for the rifle on my back. My head was spinning as my head whipped from side to side, eyeing the darkness around us. My breath caught in my throat as a roar sounded from somewhere deep within the facility, but it was what came next that sent a chill down my spine. A sharp, hacking noise, sounding almost like a laugh, seemed to echo around us. It was impossible to tell where it came from. It sounded like the creature, whatever it was, was standing right behind us. It wasnt, though. It felt like it was probably a trap, but I still needed to check. There was nothing behind me apart from the door. The noise couldnt have come from there. I was almost sure of it. The metal would have been too thick wouldnt it? My heart pounded in my ears as I held my breath, trying to listen out for footsteps or wingbeats, anything to tell us which direction the monsters were coming from, but there was nothing. The lab fell silent again. The only noise came from us. I think its okay, I said after a couple of minutes. I couldnt quite bring myself to say it was safe; that felt too extreme, but it felt alright. If we were going to be attacked, it would have happened already. Is it open? Dina asked as she continued to sweep her gun back and forth in practised arcs. No. It barely shifted. Okay, she said, fear making her voice tight. We cant do that again. There has to be a way to do it without leading every monster in the building to us. Can we grease the mechanism, maybe? The idea of turning my back on the darkness and looking at the lock terrified me. The horrible laughter still echoed in my ears, but I trusted Dina. If something came at me whilst my back was turned, shed stop it. Im not sure, I said slowly, trying to examine the base of the wheel, but the angle and how close it was to the door made it hard to see. Wait Actually, we might be able to! Theres some rust! If we can break it, we might be able to pour oil inside! Switch places with me, Dina requested, slipping her gloves off and shoving them into her pockets. I want to have a look. I straightened up immediately and turned towards the darkness, knowing that Dina would be more likely to know what to do. It was her area of expertise, after all. She might say she didnt really enjoy it, but she was great with anything mechanical. Clipping my torch onto my gun and shuffling out of the way, I kept watch as Dina examined the door. It took every ounce of my resolve to ignore the urge to turn around and see what she was doing, but I managed it. It would have been so stupid to do that. She was trusting me to protect her, and I couldnt ignore that. You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. Instead, I forced myself to wait as rustling came from behind me. The noise heightened my need to peek, but luckily, Dina spoke before long. Okay, I think I can get the face plate of the base of the lock, she said. Hopefully, that should expose the mechanism below, and then Ill be able to see what were dealing with. Great, I said, letting out a sigh of relief. Do it! Part of me had been worried that shed say it was impossible, and I felt that fear start to edge back into my mind as she hesitated. Well I need something to hit it with. Like a rock or something, she said. I looked around, my eyes darting toward the ground as I tried to keep watch whilst also looking for something that she could use. It would need to be fairly long to reach around the wheel. Either that or she might be able to reach through the spokes There! I called softly. Eleven oclock! My gun followed Dinas movement, knowing it would be the perfect time for a monster to attack, but she grabbed the rock and scurried back without incident. Its perfect, she whispered. Theres even indents for my fingers. The devs must have put it there! Great. There was a slight pause before Dina spoke again. Okay, ready? My heart leapt into my throat, and I swallowed, trying to push my fear aside. Ready. Three, two, one The thunk of stone slamming into metal made me jump, even though Id been expecting it. I held my breath, looking around as the rush of something, small flakes of metal, fell to the floor. Finally, the noise stopped. So? I asked. Did it work? Mmm not quite. I think I need to hit it again, Dina muttered. Frustration washed over me. It wasnt fair, and I knew it. It wasnt Dinas fault that the metal hadnt given, but it felt like we were wasting time. The longer we stood there, the more dangerous it seemed. Even though we couldnt hear anything, monsters could easily be gathering below us, just waiting to strike. Go on. She didnt bother counting down that time. Instead, she just slammed the rock into the face plate again. For a moment, there was no noise, and then a faint whine of metal scraping against metal sounded. Crap! Dina hissed, and I heard a muffled bang as she dropped the stone. I had to force myself not to turn around as she fumbled loudly with the face plate, trying to stop it from smashing into the floor. Somehow, I think the struggle was louder than if shed just let it drop, and more rasping laughter exploded into the air. It sounded further away that time, but it was still hard to tell. Why would it be moving further away from us, though? That didnt make sense. Perhaps there was only one way up to the floor we were on, so it had to fall back before it could come any closer? I wasnt sure, but the thought scared me. The monster was weak. It had to be. We were only on the first level and barely had any equipment. They wouldnt put anything too strong there. I told myself that again and again, but it didnt make me feel any better. Something about the lab just felt off. It was different from a normal level, and that meant the usual rules didnt apply. I think theyve messed with the pain settings, Dina grunted, because that really hurt. Fear edged into my stomach. Normally, they were fairly low. If we got mauled or hit, there was a flare of pain but nothing more. It was worse on the higher levels but never that bad. Really? I asked. Are you okay? Yeah, its fading now, she muttered. Maybe I was just being a baby. Maybe, I said with a slight chuckle, but I didnt feel any better. Her words had just confirmed my suspicions about the level being different, and I couldnt help but pull up my menu. The gears seem to be in pretty good condition, so as long as we find some lubricant, I should be able to get this thing open, she said as she turned away from the door to search. Theres got to be some around here somewhere I barely heard her. I was too busy staring at the number at the top of my screen. Dina, I said, blinking the menu away to scan for monsters before recalling it. I know this sounds like a stupid question, but what level does it say youre on? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her stop moving. Her torch fell still. Huh, she said. That is weird. A prickling sensation started to climb down my spine. Whats it say? Zero, she said, confirming what I was seeing too. Yeah, mine too. Thats not normal, she said. Even when were in the lobby, it normally says were on level one, right? It does. There was a pause, and her torch bounced around before she spoke again. What do you think it means? I really dont know, I said. I didnt. Wed never been on that level before, and Id never even heard anyone mention it. It felt wrong, like we werent actually in the game, but I knew we were. Everything else about it was normal. The system was still the same; we were in the usual outfits, and there was nothing unusual about the storeroom where wed started. Maybe theres been an update or something, Dina suggested, but her tone made it clear she didnt quite believe that. Yeah, maybe, I said, mostly to make her feel better. It was just a game, I reminded myself. We werent actually there, so it didnt matter what was happening or if it was normal. We were just in the arcade. Oh, I think I see something, she said, causing fear to spark within me. Three oclock, near that bolder. My eyes snapped to the place shed pointed out, and I spotted a shape glinting in the nonexistent light. A canister of oil, I realised, letting out the breath Id been holding. Collectables and useful items always shimmered slightly in the game, even without the buff. It wasnt a monster. I see it. Cover me? Dina requested. I will. Dina darted forward, her torchlight bobbing in time with her steps until she stopped and crouched down, picking up the yellow container. I scanned the area carefully, making sure nothing pounced on her as she raced back towards me. Its leaking, she groaned, holding it out in front of her body with a disgusted look on her face. I couldnt help the laugh that slipped from my lips. She was used to getting grease or dirt on her hands, but there was something about it happening unexpectedly that she hated more than anything. Once, early on in our Ice Escape endeavours, shed lost her gloves in a fight and landed in a puddle of blood, and I genuinely thought she was going to puke. She wouldnt let us progress to the next level until wed found a stream for her to wash her hands. Hurry up and use it before too much leaks out! I whispered. Dina grumbled under her breath, but she disappeared behind me. The thick glug of liquid sounded, followed by a splash, and I couldnt help but wince at the noise. How much had been wasted? Would there still be enough to properly grease the cogs or whatever the lock was using? I hate this, Dina whined after a couple of seconds. Whats going on? There was another moment of silence before she spoke again. The spout is warped and leaks, so its basically useless, and I dont have anything to use, so Ive had to stick my fingers into it to make sure everythings greased, she grumbled, continuing before I had a chance to speak. I know, I know. Never put your fingers into machinery or anything like this, but how else was I meant to do it? I bit back my concern, knowing there was no point in repeating the warning, but it was hard to resist. It was always annoying to lose a finger in the game. It made it so much harder to do anything. Be careful, I said instead. Hows it looking? Mm I think it should be okay now. Ive done my best, she said. It might still be a little loud at first, but once the gears get moving and the grease spreads, it should be better. Unless, you know video game logic. A smirk tugged at my lips. She had a good point. Ice Escape was a great and realistic game in many ways, but sometimes, things worked a little too well. Like, wed grease a hinge, and it would be silent immediately. Or wed find one of the few rare lockpicks, and we didnt even need to use it. The moment it touched the chest or door, it just sprung open. That was always dangerous. Once the chest had opened with such force, it almost flew off the cliff before we could stop it. I hope so, I said. Go on. Try it. There was a rustle of fabric, and I tensed, waiting for the squeal to sound again, but no noise came. You need to do it, Dina sighed. My hands are all greasy. I dont want to touch the wheel and make it impossible to grip. Panic flared within me at that thought. If that happened, we might be entirely unable to open the door. I doubted there was anything we could use to clean the oil off, except for maybe our thermals, but that felt like a bad idea. I wouldnt put it past the devs to spawn a horde of creatures whilst we were in the middle of stripping out of them. Good idea, I said quickly. Switch places. Dina was already moving before I even stopped speaking. She wiped her hands on her legs, leaving dark streaks, and gripped her gun again. You got this, she told me as she nudged me with her shoulder. Put those muscles to good use. I grinned, scanning the lab again before slipping my gun onto my back and turning towards the door. There was a thick gouge out of the metal where the face plate must have caught on it, and I leant towards the wheel, peering past the spokes at the glistening gears within. I didnt really know what I was looking at, though. It all seemed to be coated with oil or whatever it was that Dina had used. Okay, here goes, I muttered, straightening up and wrapping my fingers around the rubber again. Lefty loosey. I jerked the wheel to the side, my face screwed up in anticipation of the noise that I expected to follow, but no squeal sounded. There was a slight whine from somewhere in the door, but it was barely audible. Yes, Dina breathed triumphantly. It worked! It did, I confirmed, continuing to unlock the door and watching as the cogs turned. Is it open? Dina asked impatiently. Not yet! I feel like Ive been doing this forever, I grumbled. It had only been a few seconds, thirty maximum, but it felt like much longer. Are you sure? Dina asked. Maybe its unlocked now, and you just need to pull it? I gave the handle a tug, but it didnt move. Nope, I said, starting to twist it again. Its still locked. Are you sure its actually doing anything? Maybe one of the gears has slipped? she questioned, her tone becoming slightly more concerned at how long it was taking. Im not sure. It feels like its I fell silent as the wheel seemed to slam into something solid, making it impossible to twist any further. Is it Dina asked, unable to finish the sentence. I gave the wheel a gentle tug, feeling it swing forward ever so slightly. Its open. A sharp inhale came from behind me. It is? Dina asked, her tone excited. Yeah. Are you ready? 3.39 Amelias final goodbye. Yes! Dina hissed. What are you waiting for? Open the door already! Despite her obvious excitement and impatience, there was an undercurrent of anxiety to her words, and I understood it too well. The vault door was unlocked, but Id yet to open it. I didnt feel prepared, but there wasnt much I could do to help with that. I just had to do it. Slowly, trying not to make any more noise in case a creature was waiting behind the door, I pulled my rifle from my back before pausing again. I strained my ears, trying to pick up any noise coming from inside the room, but I heard nothing. That didnt make me feel any better, though. It felt wrong. Either there was nothing inside the room, which felt wrong given how difficult it was to open the door, or there was a monster. And if there was a monster in there, it hadnt attacked yet. It was biding its time and waiting either until we opened the door to attack or until we were in the room and vulnerable. Both potentials terrified me. A creature that smart and cunning was not a level one monster. But we werent on level one. Not really. We were somehow on level zero, a level that shouldnt exist and never had before, and that meant we had no idea what to expect. How could we know what monsters would be waiting for us if wed never been that low before? There could be anything. Maybe none of the regular rules would apply, and thered be something horrifying. The roar earlier and the laughter or whatever it was sounded bad. Wed obviously heard monsters make noises before; there were loads that roared, but none like that. Goosebumps erupted on my skin, and I glanced behind me, checking the darkness. It felt like something was there. Something was watching us. Dina would have noticed it, though. If there was something out there, she would have seen it. She was still facing the rest of the lab with her back to me, but her head was moving back and forth as she looked between the darkness and the door, trying to watch both at the same time. She must have been getting dizzy, but she didnt slow down. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves before clipping my torch to my rifle and raising them both. One of my hands reached towards the wheel again as the other tried to juggle holding the gun and being ready to shoot. It wasnt working, though. The gun was too big, too difficult to manage. If I opened the door whilst holding it, Id be unable to shoot anything that came at us. I knew Dina would be able to do it, but if it was big, it was too much of a risk. Switch places with me, I breathed, gesturing to the door. Dina glanced at me, confusion on her face. Her eyes darted between the door and me, trying to work out why Id asked her to move before they landed on my gun, and I knew she understood. It was the same reason she usually opened the hatches in the storerooms. She preferred a smaller gun. She nodded before shuffling towards me. We moved in a cautious dance, trying to make sure both sides were being watched at all times until wed successfully switched positions. Suddenly, I understood why Dina had been looking around so much. I faced the darkness, watching it carefully, but most of my attention was on whatever was happening behind me. I knew Dina wouldnt open the door without warning me, but I needed to check. Whatever was in the room behind us was too exciting; it held too much promise, and that made it hard for me to keep my eyes away from it. Ready? Dina whispered. It didnt feel safe to reply. The developers might have programmed the monster in the vault to attack as soon as we did. Instead, I just tightened my grip on the gun, checked for monsters approaching, and nodded. My heart leapt in my throat as I waited, looking back at Dina just as she reached towards the wheel. She paused for just a second, lifting her handgun and shuffling her feet slightly before yanking the door open. A preemptive wince flitted across my face in anticipation of the noise it would make, but the door swung open silently, causing concern to rise within me. It felt wrong. I should have been happy that it didnt squeal or make a lot of noise, but it just worried me. The door was too old, and the wheel had been so loud. I expected the hidden hinges to be rusted or for a bellow to come from inside the room, but there was nothing. Maybe it was just a bug. That could be it. Ice Escape was glitchy sometimes. Perhaps when we greased the lock, the game assumed we also greased the hinges somehow? I wasnt sure, but I tried to tell myself that must have been true, hoping that it would make me feel better. It didnt, though. And Dinas silence didnt help. She was peering through the crack in the door, her gun moving from side to side as she searched the room, but she was taking too long. Normally, if she went first when we were searching a new place, shed update me quicker. Even if it was just to say that she wasnt sure what she was looking at, she always said something. Time seemed to slow as I continued to wait for Dina to say something, trying to keep my eyes on the darkness. It would be the perfect time for something to leap out of one of the holes in the ground and attack us, and I knew that, but it was still difficult. I wanted to look away or to ask Dina what was going on, but I forced myself to wait. If there was a creature in there, speaking could cause it to lung. Anxiety just grew in me, though. I could feel myself spiralling, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. Why hadnt Dina said anything? There had to be a reason. It was a monster; it had to be. Maybe it was so big and scary that she was frozen to the spot, unable to move. Or perhaps it had already attacked her. Maybe it was so quick and powerful that it had pounced silently, and she was pinned to the door, fighting weakly as her life slowly drained out of her. I couldnt see her face or her upper body. She was leaning into the room. She could have been coated in blood. So? I asked as fear got the better of me. Whats in there? Nothing, Dina said, sounding confused as she pushed the door open a little further, causing a soft squeal to come from the hinges. I mean not nothing. I think its an office? Is that it? It made sense for there to be an office in the lab, but I was still disappointed. There was a lock on the door, and the door itself was so big. Why would an office need that? It seemed excessive. Id been expecting it to be a lab with creatures locked away in cages or antiquated scientific machinery scattered around, full of things we could steal or chances to gain experience points, but an office wouldnt have either. Slowly, excitement started to creep into me, replacing my frustration. Actually, maybe an office was better. There could be loot and chests in there, something that could help us win the game. We didnt have any keys or enough money to unlock a chest, but perhaps we wouldnt need them. Wed already opened the door, after all. That could be enough. The chests might not even be sealed. Yeah. It kind of looks like your moms office, actually? Dina said. Apart from you know the corpses? I felt my mind stutter to a halt. Corpses? What kind of corpses? There was a pause before Dina said, Humans. A shaky breath slipped out of my mouth. Wed never found humans in the game before. Alive or otherwise. It was always just monsters. There were traces of humans, obviously. They were meant to be the ones whod left all the weapons and collectables, but that was it. We never saw them. They were meant to be long since extinct. How many? I asked. Two, came Dinas reply. And theyre pretty dead. Confusion washed over me. Is there more than one level of dead? I asked. I thought it was kind of a one or the other situation. Either alive or dead. A soft laugh escaped Dina, the noise somewhere between awkward and hysterical. I guess. Theyre, she paused, searching for the right word, skeleton-y. Not quite fully skeletons, but close enough. Actually, why am I trying to describe it to you? Lets just go in, and then you can see what I mean. I paused. As much as I did desperately want to go into the office, the wrongness of the situation felt almost overwhelming. We shouldnt have been exploring a biological warfare research lab, probably filled with unknown horrors; there shouldnt have been humans there, and we should have been more prepared to face whatever creatures or monsters waited for us. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. It felt like nothing was quite right, and I didnt know how to fix it or what to do, but it made me want to run. If we did, I knew we could probably get back up to the storeroom, and then we could just play the game like normal. We were meant to be focusing on killing monsters so we could beat the game, and we didnt have long until school finished and the arcade was flooded with people, meaning that wed need to wait our turn to play again if we died. We were just wasting time by exploring the lab. But I couldnt bring myself to go. Even though I knew fleeing would be the best thing to do, my mouth refused to form the words to tell Dina. The curiosity would be too much for me. If we left the lab before figuring out all of its secrets, I would spend the rest of my life trying to find it again. I dont know why it mattered so much to me. It just did. Lets do it, I said instead. Are you sure theres nothing alive in there? There was a slight pause as Dina checked again, and I held my breath, trying to see if I could hear anything coming from inside. Nope, just two corpses, and I am mostly sure theyre dead, she replied, her tone a little too cheery. I would say completely sure, but Ive played this game too much. A smile came to my lips, but it fell too quickly. I knew what Dina meant. Wed definitely sunk too many hours into it to feel confident that the devs wouldnt bring zombies into it like that other horrible game on the far side of the arcade. We always avoided it. It was too scary. Not that Ice Escape was much better. It already had horrifying mutant creatures, after all. Zombies felt like a reasonable next step. Okay, I said, adjusting my grip on the gun and stepping slowly to the side whilst still watching the lab behind us. Lets go. Dina glanced at me, checking to make sure I was in the right position to be able to step into the room without turning fully once she opened the door before cocking her head to the side. She touched my arm gently, pulling me slightly further over and nodded. Ready, she muttered. Three, two, one The door squealed as she pulled it open, and we darted in. Hideous laughter erupted from somewhere outside the door, much closer than it was before, and I scanned the room quickly. Shut the door! I ordered, lifting my gun and peering through the scope, preparing to fire. Dina grabbed the handle on the inside of the door, throwing all of her weight behind it as she strained to pull the door. It was barely moving, though. It was stuck on something invisible, and Dina fought, her feet slipping against the plush carpet as she tried to get it closed. I cant do it! Dina cried as footsteps sounded in the distance. They were getting closer and moving too quickly. And there was more than one creature. There were too many footsteps, too many feet for it to be a single monster. It was a whole pack. Keep trying! I ordered, too scared to take my hands off the gun for even a millisecond in case they appeared. I am! Its not moving! My breathing came in quick bursts as I glanced away from the darkness to look at the door. If it didnt close, wed be backed into a corner and forced to fight in a small room. That could be a good thing; it would be harder for something to sneak up on us, and there seemed to be only one way in or out of the room, so we could focus our attacks there, but there would be less space to fight. Wed be trapped in there with the creatures. The thought chilled me so much that I slammed my gun against my back, not even waiting to make sure it connected to my suit before letting go and reaching for the metal bar that stretched the width of the door. A desperate sob clawed at my throat as the footsteps got louder, accompanied by loud, rasping pants, but still, the door didnt move. A shrieking cackle came from just outside, and I tugged again, knowing that we were seconds from death. A sharp snapping noise sounded as something broke, and the door suddenly slammed shut with such force that Dina fell, losing her grip. Lock it! she screamed from the dusty carpet, and I looked around frantically. How? There! On the right! Theres a bolt! My eyes searched for it as I clutched the metal bar, refusing to let go. Near the edge of the door was the thing she was talking about. It seemed to slot into the door frame, but it was too far for me to reach without letting go for too long, and I was too scared. The monsters wouldnt be able to open it again. They were creatures. They probably wouldnt even think to do that, but I didnt want to find out. Keeping my grip on the door, I edged towards the bolt. My palms were slick with sweat, and my pulse pounded in my throat as I quickly lifted one hand, reaching towards the dull metal rod. Time seemed to move in slow motion. I was forced to watch as my hand crept closer to its target, but it was too late. A slamming noise came from the door as the creatures finally reached us, followed by an eerie silence. My fingers were just centimetres away when I felt it. The door shifted ever so slightly before the bar I was clutching started to slip out of my hand. I squeezed my eyes shut, praying to anyone who would listen that Id reach the bolt before it was too late. The heavy clunking noise seemed to echo around the small room, but I barely heard it over my panting. The lock was still clutched in my hand, but the door seemed to take on a life of its own. A whirring sounded, and I could do nothing but watch as metal spokes stretched out from the centre of the door and slammed into holes around the door frame. Theres electricity? I managed to get out between gasps, trying to ignore the faint lingering aroma of death and decay. I guess so. Maybe we triggered something when we opened the door that restarted it, Dina muttered as she climbed to her feet and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, trying to hide traces of her tears. Doubt theyll get in through that. What were those things? I glanced at her quickly before looking away again, trying not to show how much her reaction alarmed me. She didnt normally cry. Id seen her do it before, obviously, but never in the game. She must have been terrified. Im not sure, but I think youre right. They wont be able to break in. This thing is locked, I said, keeping my tone reassuring. Dinas eyes traced the back of the door, and she didnt speak for a moment before nodding. I guess well just deal with them when its time to leave. Maybe theyll get bored before then, she said with a laugh that was too high-pitched. Yeah, maybe, I agreed. We should, um, probably search in here. I felt awkward saying it. Dina was clearly scared and didnt want to look away from the door, and I didnt either. My back was to the room, which I knew was stupid, but for some reason, the creatures outside felt like a bigger threat than whatever was in the room. Theyd pushed all other thoughts from my mind, and I barely even considered the fact that there could be another monster waiting behind us until that moment. Slowly, I turned around, reaching for my gun again. Light appeared at the top of my vision, and my eyes darted upwards, staring at the achievement that spun lazily. The badge was so bright and shiny. It looked at odds with the rusted and ancient objects scattered around the room. Did you just get a new achievement? Dina asked. I swallowed, my gaze flicking between the banner at the top of my vision and the room, barely taking it in as I checked for movement. Yeah. Amelias final goodbye Dina read out. I dont think Ive seen this badge on anyones profile before. What do you think it means? Hesitating, I scanned the room again before focusing on the badge. I dont know, I said as my eyebrows pulled together. Theres no further information on it. No mention of how to unlock it. Huh thats weird. My eyes landed on the back of the room. A desk had been placed directly opposite the door, and one of the bodies was still seated in the high-backed chair behind it. Their skin was leathery, darkened by age, and a few hairs still clung to the hollowed skull. I forced myself to look away, but my gaze just found the other body. It had probably been sitting in the much smaller chair opposite the desk, but at some point, it had fallen or been knocked out. The body was face down, strewn across the floor, and even from where I was standing, I could see that its skull was shattered. Which one of those do you think Amelia is? I asked, glancing between them. Behind me, I heard Dina let out a shaky breath. Her eyes were fixed on the bodies, her expression scared. When she noticed me looking at her, she quickly forced a smile onto her face, but it wasnt particularly convincing. I dont know. Her eyes landed on the body behind the desk again, and I saw her swallow. She was scared of the bodies, I realised slowly. It made sense. That was why she was crying and didnt want to turn around. She didnt want to be near them or look at them. The creatures outside were horrifying, obviously, but the bodies they were different. Death wasnt confined to just video games, like the monsters. Maybe that was the difference. Somehow, seeing Dinas fear made mine lessen. I still felt it, but it was easier to ignore. I had to. She was scared, and that meant that I needed to step up and be a role model, just like Id always been taught to do. If I seemed confident and relaxed, she would feel better too. It would remind her that none of what we were experiencing was real. Plus, Id seen a corpse in real life before, and I think that helped. Well, not real life, but in that world. When I had my placement in the hospital, Id been forced to spend some time in the morgue. It had been difficult and intense at first, but I got used to it. The corpses in the room with us were no scarier than the corpses in the morgue. Of course, there was a chance theyd come to life and attack us, but that felt unlikely. Okay, I said, my tone firm and even as I looked around the room at the shining collectables. We need to search the room. It seems like theres a lot in here, so we should take a side each. What do you think? Dina glanced at me, her posture straightening slightly. Yeah, that sounds good, she said, her tone not entirely convincing. It was stronger than before, though, and that was good enough. Great. Do you want to take the side youre on, and Ill take this side? Then, we can meet at the desk. Indecision warred on Dinas face, but I knew shed struggle with that decision. As much as she didnt want to go near the corpses by herself, which shed have to do, I knew shed never suggest searching one side at a time. She was too impatient, and shed get bored long before we got near them. Okay, she sighed, her tone resigned. But Im not touching either of them. Fine. 3.40 Im sorry I had to do this. I watched as Dina started to move towards her side of the room, my torch flicking back and forth as I checked to make sure nothing was going to jump out at her. It didnt seem as if anything was going to. I couldnt see any monsters or creatures, but the corpses still concerned me. They werent moving, but it felt like a matter of time. It was too quiet. The creatures outside had fallen silent, and I wasnt sure if theyd gotten bored and left or if they were still there, and we just couldnt hear them through the door. It was really thick, so that would have made sense, but the thought of those monsters standing outside and waiting for us made me shudder. I took a step away from the door, wanting to put more space between myself and the monsters, and looked around the room again. It appeared strangely untouched. A thin blanket of dust had settled on every surface, but apart from the corpse, there was no rubble or decay on the almost perfectly preserved carpet. The items on the table lining the far wall hadnt fared quite as well, I realised as I drew closer and eyed one of the objects. Originally, it was probably some kind of metal ornament. Just decorative. It was hard to tell, though. Only the large rectangular frame remained. The rest appeared to have rusted away, leaving nothing more than a pile of orange dust. I leant closer, instinctively narrowing my eyes before sighing. We hadnt picked up any ocular buffs yet, and Id gotten too used to them. I just assumed that Id be able to squint and zoom in. That was the usual one we found in the early levels, but I wasnt sure if it even would have helped. I still wished I had the buff, though. Tearing my eyes away from the rubble, I glanced back at Dina before scanning the rest of the table. It stretched the length of the entire wall, and there was another one on the side that Dina was searching. It seemed excessive. Who needed that much space to display things? In all of the offices I had been in, the only decoration was on their desk, but whoever owned the room we were standing in had so much stuff. Part of me wished Id been able to see it back in the day, before it became nothing more than ruins. It would have been so cool to be able to walk along the table and examine all of the strange and cool objects that seemed to have no purpose. We didnt really do things like that in our city. Stuff had to have a purpose; otherwise, it was just a waste of resources, and that was frowned upon. It was more than frowned upon. It wasnt allowed, but that didnt seem to be a problem for whoever owned the office. That made sense, though. The game was meant to be set on the surface. They always made things they didnt need and used resources freely, even when they knew they were running out. It was one of the many things that led to their inevitable downfall. I stepped forward slightly, glancing towards the corpse on the floor before looking back at the table. Not everything there was completely useless. A few items glittered in the distance, but right next to me, there was a heal pack. I picked up the breakable glass, barely even glancing at the syringe inside before shoving it into my pocket. A small notification appeared at the bottom of my vision, informing me of what Id just stored, but it was quickly replaced by another alert. Scanning the room again, I hesitated before pulling up my inventory and switching to view Dinas pockets. Shed picked up a lot more than I had. Somehow, shed managed to get over her initial fear of the bodies and was moving along her side of the room at a good pace. That realisation should have made me hurry to catch up, but something caught my eye. She hadnt gathered anything too unusual; it was just the normal selection of creature info cards, heal packs and weapons, but something pulled at me, prompting me to pull up the cards. I flicked through them, searching for the monsters that wed seen outside. The cards always told us useful information about new monsters, like what kind of weapon they were weak against, but there was nothing there that even slightly resembled the beasts. Hesitation washed over me, and I started to flick through the cards again, paying more attention to what I was seeing. Something was different. I couldnt quite put my finger on what it was exactly, but something had changed. The images just looked ever so slightly more real. Normally, they were just randomly generated pictures of the creatures, clearly taken from in the game, but they were different. The backgrounds looked more realistic. I stared at the spider-like monster for a moment before cocking my head to the side. In every card Id seen before, it was pictured on a web in the corner of a room. I wasnt sure why, but it always was. That was what I expected, but the card Dina had picked up showed it dangling from a thin thread, seemingly illuminated by torchlight. They never changed the lighting. I continued searching through the cards until I found another creature whose card I knew well. Or I used to. The wolf thing was different, and it wasnt just the background that time. The monster itself had a different design. It wasnt as big as the normal creature, that only showed up on level fifteen or higher. It was leaner and had no horns, making it closer to how real wolves looked in all the pictures Id seen in school. But the background was different too. Id been too distracted by the monster at first to notice, but it wasnt surrounded by just a sea of snow. There was something back there. A ruined city. Crumbling buildings could just about be seen in the distance, but there was no snow. There didnt seem to be any ice either. Whats wrong? Dina asked, making me jump. I blinked the inventory away, pressing one hand against my racing heart as I tried to shove the sensation of wrongness away again. Nothing, I said. I was just having a look at the monster cards. Have you seen them yet? Dina turned towards me, a confused expression on her face. No? Why? Is there a new one? she asked before gasping. Wait! Did we complete the collection? I didnt get an achievement. No, no, sorry, I apologised quickly. I think there must have been an update or something. The cards are all different. Oh, really? Dina said, a blue glow appearing in her eye. Yeah. Check out the wolf, I said. I swear it looks completely different, but I might just be losing my mind. Dina didnt reply, and I forced myself to look back at the table, grabbing the nearest collectable item to distract myself. A dart gun, I realised. Almost entirely useless. It could only take down tiny monsters, and even then, it was a struggle. It was basically worthless, but I shoved it into my pocket nonetheless. I could sell it if I had to. It went for not much. Huh, youre right, Dina replied slowly. It kind of looks like an old-timey photograph, right? Yeah, it does, I agreed. The blue glow disappeared from her eye, and she grinned at me. I wonder what else theyve changed in the update. Me too, I muttered with significantly less enthusiasm before spotting a small metal rectangle and darting towards it. I found a buff! Dina had been turning back towards her side of the room, but at that, she spun around again. You did? Which one? Dina asked excitedly. The notif just said vision, which could be loads of them. I lifted the device higher, scrutinising it closely. There was no label or any kind of markings on it to explain what it did, but I dropped it into my pocket before pulling up my inventory. The names of the buffs were usually so explanatory, but the one Id just found wasnt. Its just called Vision, mark four, I read out. And the description says Identify objects with just a glance. No more fumbling around for the right piece of equipment, trademarked SI So it just tells you what youre looking at? Dina asked. Mmmm, that could be kind of useful. It would make searching here easier. Yeah, I guess, I agreed. Wed know if it was worth picking something up before we do Should I equip it? Why not? I mean, if its bad, we can always just unequip. We can I replied. She had a good point, but equipping a weird buff that wed never even seen before felt like a bad idea. But then, wed never had any issues with buffs before in the game, so it seemed unlikely that it would start now, even with the new update. It would probably be fine. I sucked in a deep breath before glancing at the glowing button in my vision. My inventory disappeared, and for a moment, nothing happened. Then, the world around me rippled. Panic spiked within me, and I blinked, looking around as I tried to work out what was going on. Every single item in the room seemed to sharpen and then blur at a dizzying speed, and I closed my eyes as nausea threatened me. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. But that didnt even help. Static buzzed behind my eyelids, and I opened my eyes again, pulling up my inventory. I had to clamp my lips together as I navigated the menu, somehow managing to find the equipped items. My gaze hovered over the unassuming buff, preparing to unequip it, but there was no need. Behind the glowing screen, my vision had returned to normal. A shaky breath escaped my lips as I looked around the room, seeing labels pop up from every item my gaze focused on. At first, it was just the collectables, but then everything else began to appear until only the two corpses were unlabelled. This is so cool, Dina whispered, looking around the room with wide eyes. What? Oh. I stared at her, seeing her look of shock. Do I? I started before trailing off. Have a glowing ring around your iris? she finished for me. I assume I do too? You do. There was a pause before Dina grinned. Is it wrong that I think they look kind of cool? she asked. I laughed as some of the tension slipped out of me. Dont tell your mom, but I do too. I would never, Dina replied, sounding offended that I would even say that. You know Moms been working on those contact alternatives for so long, and Ive told her so many times that having a blue square across your eye when you use the system is so much better than well, this exact thing. Dina giggled. Yeah I kind of love it. She can never know, Dina said solemnly. She was bad enough when Geo told her hed prefer it. If I say the same She shuddered. That would be bad. You have no clue. Oh, a hover light! Useful! Dina cried as she dove towards the floor, moving worryingly close to one of the corpses. Close your eyes! I hesitated as Dinas hand closed around the milky white ball before gently tossing it into the air. Lifting my gun, I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, listening carefully for any hint that the corpses might be moving or something else might be preparing to attack. Anxiety forced me to open my eyes again too soon, and I blinked in the dazzlingly bright light before looking around the illuminated room. A strange emotion came over me as I took in the room. Sadness. With the ball of light hanging in the air, the office looked more normal. I could almost imagine what it was like to work there back in the day. It seemed fairly nice, despite the metal shutters covering the window. They blocked everything out, but there must have been a way to open them. Judging from where the window was, it probably looked out over the entire building. The person who owned the office could probably stand there and watch people going about their days, and that realisation made me strangely wistful, but I wasnt sure why. This is great, Dina muttered, and I tore my eyes away from the window, looking down at the table before me and scanning the items quickly. Yeah, I agreed before noticing something at the corner of my vision. I swallowed nervously, wishing that I could just ignore what Id seen, but I couldnt do it. Instead, I forced myself to look at the corpse on the ground again. I hadnt been able to see it before; the angle was wrong, but from where I was standing, it was suddenly very clear that their skull was smashed. Not just smashed. Shattered. Did it happen when they fell from the chair? No, that didnt make sense. There were no skull fragments on the ground nearby. But then I couldnt see any anywhere in the room. Either theyd crumbled due to age, or It must have happened before they died. They must have received some kind of head wound that destroyed their skull and killed them, but why? And who had done it? Was it the person in the chair? Or had someone stormed in and killed them both? A shot from behind might have caused the person on the ground to fall out of their chair. Do you see that? Dina asked. I glanced up at her, hoping she hadnt seen the corpses skull. She was managing well, but the bodies had unnerved her, and something told me if she realised what had happened to the one in front of me, it would make things worse again. What? I replied, following her gaze towards the desk. It took a second for the label to appear, but when it did, I felt a smile grow on my face. A projector. And a databank, she said, her gaze hungry as she stepped towards them. Apparently, it needs batteries, but there! Do you see the filing cabinet? I looked at the metal cabinet, feeling grateful for the buffs as a small label appeared, informing me that there was a lock box containing batteries somewhere near the bottom. I see it, I said, stepping forward and grabbing a few collectables from the table as I moved towards the metal cabinet. I think it needs a key? What? Dina groaned as I crouched before it. I dont see any keys. Maybe one of the corpses has it? I cant see what loot they have. I glanced over my shoulder at the body on the ground, reluctance growing within me. I dont want to search a corpse, I muttered. Tough! I said I didnt want to touch them, and you said it was fine, so you have to do it! she said, a hint of fear entering her voice. I let out a sigh. Ill take one, you take the other? I suggested hopefully, but I already knew shed refuse. Clea! Fine, fine, I grumbled. Ill search them both, but you better be ready to shoot them if they move. I will, she said, tightening her grip on her gun. I glanced up at her again as I turned towards the body, unsure of what to do. Normally, when we searched monsters for loot, we just had to touch them, and their inventories popped up, but I wasnt sure if the corpses would be the same. They were humans. Or they looked like humans. Maybe that made them different somehow? There was only one way to find out. Ready? I muttered, my gaze skittering over the corpse as I watched for movement. Ready. I took a deep breath to steady myself, but it didnt help. The idea of searching a dead person for loot felt so wrong, and I really didnt want to do it, but I had to. We hadnt found any lock picks in the office, and we couldnt exactly leave to search for them. Still, my hand didnt want to move. I had to force myself to reach out, trying to work out where the safest place to touch it was. Luckily, there were a few scraps of fabric clinging to the body that had yet to crumble away. It wasnt until my fingertips were mere millimetres away that a thought came to me. Did the clothing count as part of the corpse? Or would it be classed as a separate object, something that was covering it or blocking it? It didnt matter, though. My reluctance to touch the dried skin of the corpse forced me to gently touch the material. Bile burnt my throat at the sensation of the strangely solid flesh below, and I ripped my hand away, so glad that I was wearing gloves and hadnt touched it with my bare hand. Something told me it would be impossible to ever get that feeling out of my mind. Are you okay? Dina asked, her tone sympathetic, as I gagged again, trying my hardest not to throw up. If I did, the arcade machine would clear it away, but people might see. I wasnt sure what time it was or if people were still in school, but I didnt want to risk it. It felt weak, and I hated that. I had to be strong so people could look up to me. Fine, I gasped. I got the inventory. It had appeared the moment I touched the corpse, but I had been so distracted by my disgust that I hadnt even been able to look at it. Yes, she hissed. So? Is the key there? I allowed myself to shut my eyes for just a moment before opening them again and staring at the inventory that floated in front of me. No, I said slowly, scanning the items and reading their descriptions. Theres the code for the office door, and its the same as the code for the databank according to this. Then theres another note, but apparently, its too crumpled and stained to read. That was all the description said, but it wasnt quite true. A dark liquid, that I was pretty sure was blood, had spread across most of the paper, but a section at the bottom was untouched. It wasnt easy to make out the words, but enough of the ink had survived for me to be able to read, Im sorry I had to do this, Am. I love you. Maybe it was foolish, but I couldnt quite bring myself to tell Dina. She still looked too nervous, and I didnt want to remind her that the corpses had once been alive. I wanted to protect her from it. Oh, weird. Anything else? she asked. I paused, eyeing the other two items. Yeah theres a gun and an empty poison bottle. Dinas eyes turned wide, and she took a step back, her torch swinging to point at the other body. Poison? she repeated. Did that person kill the other one? I dont know, I said as I straightened up and started to move around the desk, eyeing the corpse as I did. Wait are you sure we should be doing this? Dina asked nervously. I understood her hesitation, but I kept my expression blank as I met her gaze and shrugged. Weve come this far, was all I said. Dina nodded as she began to edge around the table, staying a little distance away from the body. I guess. I didnt give myself a chance to hesitate or worry too much that time. I just reached out as soon as I was close enough to touch the corpse, pressing my finger against the fragile fabric and biting the inside of my lip to keep my nausea at bay. Somehow, that worked. I was still disgusted, but I didnt even gag as I pulled my hand away and stared at the items before me. Is that it? I muttered without meaning to. What did they have? A handgun and a tarnished badge, I told her. There was a moment of silence before Dina spoke again. A badge? Like an achievement? she asked. No, I responded with a shake of my head. Like a broach. Thats so weird. Whats it look like? I stared at the silver item, trying to think of a way to describe it. I dont know, but I think I kind of recognise it. Its kind of in the shape of a crest, and theres a bird on it I dont know which one, though. Oh, actually, I said, realising I was being stupid. Here, Ive added it to my inventory. Have a look. Dinas eye immediately began to glow blue, and I glanced at the corpse again before looking around the room. There had to be a key somewhere. Surely, it would be in one of the drawers or something. I gave the top one a tug, but it didnt give. Huh, thats weird. I dont recognise the bird, Dina muttered. Maybe its extinct now. Maybe, I agreed. So what are we going to do about the filing cabinet? There was a pause before Dina let out a sigh and moved towards it. Im not sure. I mean the metal looks pretty old. We could maybe just rip it open? 3.41 Theres always a spare. Wait, I said as Dina reached down towards the cabinet. Youre not wearing gloves. Ill do it. Dina looked down at her hands, her expression slightly surprised. Oh, yeah. Thanks. She hadnt put them back on after getting her hands covered in grease earlier; Id spotted them in her inventory but hadnt thought to mention them. It was impossible for Dina to get tetanus or anything like that from touching the handle, where the plastic coating must have disintegrated years ago, leaving a thin metal bar that I didnt trust. She could still get cut, though. It would just be in the game, but that was still bad. Her strength would be sapped, and if anything happened. She wouldnt be able to fight properly, and that felt too risky. Dina stepped away from the cabinet, her eyes darting towards the corpse on the ground as she edged away so that I could reach it. I scanned the metal closely, eyeing the faint pattern of rust that was etched into the surface. There was some, but not a lot, and that concerned me. We hadnt found a key, and I wasnt sure whether Dinas plan of just trying to pull the drawers free was going to work, but I had to give it a try. I paused, looking over my shoulder and scanning the room quickly before taking a deep breath. My fingers closed around the handle, and I felt the hard metal cutting into my palm even through the gloves, but still, I gripped it harder. Doubt washed over me again, but I pushed it away and pulled on the handle as hard as I could. A crack echoed through the room, and for a moment, I was tumbling through the air, the broken cabinet door still clutched in my hand. Dina crashed into me, her arms wrapping around me and stopping me from falling on top of the skeleton. I stared at it, fear racing through me. It was too close. I was so close to landing on it, and that realisation sent a shudder down my spine. Id already touched it once to check its inventory, and I didnt want to do it again. The sensation of aged bone crumbling under me was something I knew I would never forget. Are you okay? Dina asked as she slowly let go of me. I fought against the hysteria that was bubbling up inside me and making me want to cry or log out. It was ridiculous, and I knew that. It was just a game. That was all. I was stronger than that. Yeah, I said, my voice slightly firmer than I expected. Thanks for catching me. Dina grinned. Any time. I mean youve caught me enough times. Seems only fair that I return the favour. I laughed softly. I guess so. Although, youve caught me a fair few times too. There was a pause as Dina considered that. Yeah. I guess were even now, she decided with a grin that I returned before turning back towards the cabinet. I think I can see the batteries. I watched as she crouched down in front of the cabinet. It looked strange, with a torn and jagged hole in the front, but that didnt stop Dina from reaching into it. Be careful, I warned her, eyeing the sharp spikes of metal around the hole. Im always careful, she lied before pulling her arm back. Got them! Theyre in a lock box, but oh! Concern leapt within me, and I moved closer, trying to see what Dina was looking at over her shoulder. What? I asked. Do we need to find a key for that box or something? I started to look around the illuminated room, trying to work out where a key could be hidden. It could have been anywhere, and the vision buffs wed picked up were entirely useless. No, Dina said, causing me to stop searching the room and glance down at her again. It wasnt locked. Are they damaged? I peered at the glass box in her hands. It looked almost like a heal pack, but instead of containing a syringe, it contained four long tube-shaped batteries. They were almost the length of my forearm. I dont think so, she muttered, staring down at them. They look pretty much new. Man, the developers really half-assed these. I think they just scanned in some normal batteries and stretched them. Look, theres no rust or marks on them or anything. Hope jumped in my heart, but it was soon smothered by anxiety. Quickly, work out how to get them into the projector before the programme catches up, and they degrade before our eyes, I said. I was only half joking, and from the panicked expression that crossed Dinas face, I could tell she knew that. She darted back towards the giant metal projector on the desk, her eyes narrowed as she began examining it immediately. I started to follow her before looking down. The cabinet door was still clutched in my hand. I hadnt noticed. Id been too distracted by Dina and the batteries. Slowly, I leant down, propping the cabinet door against the table leg, unsure what else to do with it. Blood rushed back into my fingers as I let go, and a ghost of pain flared in my hand. It felt strangely real, I realised as I straightened up and massaged them through my gloves. The pain in Ice Escape was always a bit distant, but they must have improved it with the latest update. I wasnt sure how I felt about that. On one hand, it was a good thing. I liked that the game was becoming more realistic; that felt like a huge step for the development and programming team, but I didnt really want that. It was meant to be an escape from our normal lives. It would still be fun and different, obviously. We werent on the surface, and there werent any weird and terrifying monsters down there, but something still made me feel a little reluctant. Maybe it was just the idea of the pain getting more real. Sometimes, the way we died was bad. We were mauled by bear-type creatures, gouged by horns or thrown off an iceberg, and I didnt want to know what any of that really felt like. A loud clunk came from the projector, bringing me back to reality, and I quickly moved around the table towards it. I think they should just slot in here, Dina murmured, almost to herself. It seems too easy, though. What do you think? I scanned the hulking metal object that she was staring at. It looked similar to the projectors they used at our school but more rustic. Larger, too. The thing on the table was easily a metre tall and looked like it weighed more than I did. The side of it had popped open, I realised as I followed Dinas gaze. There was a compartment there with a space inside. Normally, our projectors were plugged into the outlets; they didnt need batteries, so I didnt really know where they would go. It seemed like that compartment made sense, though. It seemed to be about the right size, and the slots inside seemed designed to fit something tubular in shape. Yeah, I think they go in there, I said. Do you want to just try putting one in and see if anything happens? That makes sense. If it explodes or short circuits or anything, then Im sure we can find another battery somewhere, Dina replied in a light tone that was edged with anxiety. Yeah, Im sure we can, I lied as she began to place the batteries carefully on the desk behind the projector, glancing uncertainly at the corpse in the chair. Do you want me to hold those or anything? She hesitated for a moment before replying. No, its okay. I mean, they should be safe enough there, and if theyre not, then well, if the projector explodes, we wont need the batteries anymore, she said with a shrug before peering into the battery compartment again. Theres no rust or anything at the bottom. I think they should be able to connect, but time to find out. Dina glanced up at me before slowly beginning to slot the first battery into the space. I followed the movement closely, watching for any smoke or signs of danger. Dina was right. It felt too easy, and I didnt quite trust that something wouldnt go wrong. Either the projector would blow up, or one of the batteries wouldnt work, and wed have to go on a hunt throughout the lab to find another. Finally, Dina finished sliding the first battery into place. Neither of us moved. We were frozen in place, our eyes fixed on the projector as we waited for something to happen. I think I started before trailing off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Part of me was scared that if I said it seemed to be okay, the devs would have programmed something bad to happen. It was paranoia, and I knew that, but I still couldnt bring myself to say it. Yeah, Dina agreed, clearly understanding what I mean. She leant towards the projector, her nostrils flaring as she inhaled deeply. This seems promising. I cant smell any burning or anything, so should I insert the rest? She looked at me, waiting to know what I thought she should do, but indecision ran through me. I pushed it aside, knowing that I was being ridiculous. I think so. Dina nodded, swallowing nervously before reaching for the next battery. It felt like it took forever. Impatience burned through me, but I forced myself not to move or even say anything as I watched Dina slot the batteries into the machine. I couldnt help but constantly scan the room as I waited, shifting my gun from my back and clutching it, just in case. The office was sealed, as far as I could tell. There were no holes in any of the walls, the floor or ceiling. The window was barred too, but that didnt make me feel much better. The creatures outside still scared me, and something could still find a way to sneak in. If it happened when we were distracted This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. Okay, thats the last one, Dina said, glancing up at me. I think I just need to close this bit, and then it should work. My heart leapt in excitement. Do it! Dina smiled, my own anticipation reflected on her face. Okay here goes nothing. The noise of the compartment shutting made me wince. It was so loud, and it sounded almost like something was breaking. My eyes scanned Dinas face, trying to work out if something had gone wrong or if it was meant to sound like that. She didnt react at all, though. That had to be a good thing. So? I asked after a few seconds. What now? Are they working, or Im not sure, but Dina trailed off, grinning at me before reaching out and pressing a button. There was a moment of silence before a whirring noise came from the projector, making me jump. Confusion and fear washed over me as I stared at it before looking back at Dina. Why is it so loud? I called over the almost deafening sound. I think its just old! Dina shouted back. Look! A light had appeared on the top of the device. It was faint at first, blinking in the bright room, but it quickly became more powerful. Soon, the red light seemed to be almost glowing. The noise was dying down too. It sounded like it was getting more used to being on or something because it was fading to just a gentle buzz. So now what? Is there anything on it, or do we need to connect the databank? I asked, glancing at the black box. Dina cocked her head to one side, examining the projector again. I think we need the databank. Theres no way to control this thing that I can see, so maybe it had something. Like a ring, or maybe itll connect to my chip or something? she guessed. I dont know. What do you think they used back in the olden days? I snorted softly. I dont know. Something primitive, probably, I said, glancing at the databank lying next to the corpses hand. Definitely. Can you pass that to me? Dina asked. We have the code for it already, dont we? Reluctant washed over me, but I was closest to the thing. It made sense for me to grab the bank from the table. I kept my eyes on the skeleton as I moved, my heartbeat fluttering in my ears. It didnt even twitch, though. The room was still as I grabbed the heavy black object from the table and passed it to Dina. The pervasive sense of wrongness grew within me. It was all too simple and easy, and I didnt trust it. Something had to go wrong at some point. Something had to attack us, or the floor had to collapse, sending us down into an ambush. There had to be something. Either the new update was way too easy, or it was just a matter of time. Yeah. It was on the corpse, I said, my eyes darting around the room again. I wonder if well need it or if the game will automatically input it, Dina mused as she examined the databank. Weve never found a physical code in here before, have we? No, dont think so. Dina peeled back the black coating, revealing the ports at the bottom of the rectangular object, and grinned triumphantly. Yes, got it! she hissed. I guess were about to find out then, I told her with a smile as I shuffled forward to get a better look. Dina had to place the heavy databank on the table before beginning to gently probe the side of the projector with her fingertips, and I knew what she was looking for. The older models, like the one at our first school, usually had something there. They werent like the newer ones that could connect to the system through the chip of the person operating. They needed to be physically connected to databanks, which was just annoying. Databanks got corrupted all the time. Fear started to build within me. They wouldnt do that to us, would they? The devs wouldnt be that cruel. There was no way that theyd make us hunt down the batteries and search the corpses for the codes only for the databank to be corrupted beyond use right? Ah, there we go, Dina muttered as she pushed down on a section of the metal. It slid to the side, disappearing into the projector and leaving a gap that seemed to be the exact size of the databank, which Dina had picked up again. Anxiety pulled at me as I watched her peer into the hole before looking back at the databank, turning it slowly. Whats wrong? I asked as Dinas eyebrows furrowed. Nothing. Ive just never seen a port like this before. Like, do you see the shape of this? She held the device out to me, showing me the connectors that had been hidden by the coating. At first, they looked normal enough, but then I looked closer. Oh, I said, feeling my own eyebrows pull together. Why are they so irregular? It was the best descriptor I could think of. Unlike the ones I was used to, all of the ports and gaps on the databank were different sizes. Some were rounded, others were square, and a couple were even a weird mixture of both. Recognition pulled at me as Dina crouched to peer into the projector. Id seen some of those ports before, but I couldnt quite place where. I have no clue, she muttered. I mean, obviously, I know that back on the surface, they apparently did weird stuff like that all the time. Each company had a different port, so everyone had to buy their specific cables and stuff, but I thought Mom was lying when she told us that. Me too, I replied, still distracted by the faint memory that was trying to float to the front of my mind. It was too distant, though. Okay, I think it goes this way up. The projector has a bunch of weird connectors built into the other end, but it seems like it should just slide right in, Dina said. I watched, trying to ignore my anxiety about whether or not the databank would even work, as she carefully eased it into the projector. The whirring noise returned as the cover slid back across the bank, sealing it inside. Look! I cried in relief, pointing to the now-green light on top of the projector. Awesome! How do you think we control this? I mean, I hoped there would be something on the bank, but Dina trailed off, and I stared at the projector. It didnt appear to have any other buttons. There was just the one power button that Dina had already used, but there had to be something. I couldnt see anything, though. There was no remote or controller, no ring or even input pad. I had no way of connecting it to my chip, like we usually did with the newer projectors. An idea came to me. Maybe there was something on the notes I found. One of them had the code for the door and databank. Maybe they also had some kind of clue about how to control the projector. I pulled up my inventory, scanning the notes intently and searching for anything that might give it away, but there was nothing. Maybe its voice-activated, I suggested after a few minutes. Oh, yeah. It could be, I guess, Dina said before clearing her throat and speaking in a more firm tone. Um hello, projector. Activate databank. We waited, staring at the projector hopefully, but it didnt work. I guess not, then, I muttered. There has to be something. Yeah Dina started to reach out towards the projector, running her fingers along the edges as she searched it, and I watched her for a moment before looking away. There had to be something. Something that we were missing. A remote or a ring or something. I knew there was; we just hadnt found it. My gaze roamed the desk. There were no drawers. None that I could see, anyway. Maybe there was one built into the underside of it. Or maybe we needed to search the filing cabinet better. It could have been in there, and maybe we were just missing it. Or I swallowed as my heart sank. The corpse was wearing a ring. It was black, dulled by age, but I still recognised it. The hand that had been resting right next to the databank had a control ring on one of the fingers. Surely, it wouldnt still be working. It was so old. The hand it was on had decayed. Maybe that had damaged it in some way, and there was no point in even trying to use it. But then, why was it there? The devs wouldnt have left the ring there if we werent meant to use it. Id thought things had been too easy since entering the office, but maybe that was why. They knew that people would be too horrified to touch a corpse, even if it were little more than a skeleton. It was meant to be scary and to feel wrong. Touching the corpse for even just a second to get their inventory had been bad enough, but now I was going to have to hold their hand and gently ease the ring off their finger. What if it was stuck? The leathery remains of the skin on the underside of the finger looked wrong. I could tell that even without touching it. It was warped, seemingly wrapped around the ring, securing it in place. It wouldnt come off easily. I was going to have to break it. I didnt want to do it, but I knew that Dina wouldnt, and I had to be strong for her. It was the only way. Reluctance fought against me as I started to reach out towards the hand. I knew it! Dina cried. I snatched my hand back, spinning around to face her. What? A victorious smile lit her face as she held her hand out to me. Theres always a spare, she said smugly. There, resting on her palm, was a control ring. Oh, I breathed, having to lean on the desk as relief slammed into me, making me weak at the knees. Right? she said happily, seemingly unaware of what I was about to do. Do you want to control it, or shall I? You can, I answered, knowing my hands were shaking too hard for me to be able to use it properly. Plus, Dina was better with tech than I was. It made more sense for her to use it, and shed enjoy it more. She wanted it too. I could tell from how wide her smile was as she slipped the ring onto her finger, and that made a smile form on my lips. The light on top of the projector turned green, and the room darkened slightly for a moment before words appeared, floating in the air in front of us. Huh, Dina said, cocking her head as she read them. Guess it was entered automatically. I snorted softly as the words disappeared. Good to know, I replied before my mouth dropped open. Oh, wow. There are hundreds of files. A window had replaced the words, showing the contents of the databank. It was all files. Row after row that stretched all the way from the floor to the ceiling. They werent sorted into folders or anything like that. They were all just there. There are so many, Dina muttered as she started to scroll, revealing even more. What are they? Video files? I guess so, I said, trying to read the names as they raced by. Thats what that icon there means, right? I assumed it was, anyway. It looked almost the same as the icon we used. Probably. Shall we find out? Dina asked. My excitement warred briefly against reluctance, but despite how uncomfortable I was for some reason, there was no way I was going to say no. Yes! Start at the top, I suggested. Dina grinned before scrolling all the way back up and selecting the very first file. There was a moment of stillness before the room was plunged into darkness. My grip tightened around the gun as I waited, listening to the projector hum. The noise grew louder, taking on an almost whining quality before the sound disappeared suddenly, and the room lit up. My eyes flicked back and forth as I tried to soak in everything about the projection. It was almost like a mirror had been placed in front of us, hiding the back of the room from view. The door had been replaced by the very desk that we were standing behind, but it looked so different, and so did the rest of the room around it. It had been returned to its former glory. Light streamed in through the uncovered window, and the tables lining the room were filled with whole, unbroken and evenly spaced objects. There wasnt even a hint of dust on them, but it was the desk that I was drawn to. It was a beautiful cherry wood, covered with a strange leather top. An old piece of tech, that I vaguely recognised as a computer, was placed in the centre of it, with files piled in one corner of the table. A small tray rested on the other side of the table, holding a single glass and a large, carefully etched bottle filled with an amber liquid. Finally, I allowed myself to look at the woman sitting in the high-backed chair behind the desk. I wasnt sure why, but it was hard to force myself to focus on her at first. My mind was screaming at me to look away, but the moment my eyes found her face, it stopped. She was beautiful. Her tanned skin was flawless, despite the troubled expression on her face. There was a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose and her high cheekbones, and her rich, honey-coloured eyes were narrowed slightly as she stared at something in the distance. Is she a scientist? Dina asked, causing confusion to rush through me. I blinked, tearing my eyes away from the woman to glance at Dina, but she was staring at her too. I dont know. She is wearing a white coat, I pointed out, eyeing the lab coat that had been thrown on over her pale blue button-down shirt. Could be a doctor? Yeah, maybe. Do you do you think shes Amelia? It made sense. The achievement wed received when we entered the room was called Amelias final goodbye. I guess so, I said, hesitating before adding, Did you notice the badge? 3.42 Whats a cult? Is that the badge you found on the corpse? Dina asked, her voice trembling slightly. I couldnt tear my eyes away from the image of the woman before me to check the broach in my inventory, but I didnt need to. I knew they were the same one, even if the one pinned to the scientists chest was shiny and undamaged, unlike the one Id picked up. Time had destroyed it, just like everything else in the lab. Yeah, I said. Dinas hand shot out, and she grabbed my arm as she let out a gasp. Its finally happening, isnt it? she hissed excitedly, her earlier fear seemingly forgotten. Were getting lore! I knew it! I told you there was a story to this world. There was no way it was just climate change that caused all of this! It could be, I muttered. I was excited about the potential of discovering the truth about that world, but something else was pulling at me and making me feel apprehensive. There wasnt anything specific that I was worried about. It was just a general nagging sense of unease. The devs had probably added that in, though. There had clearly been an update, even if they hadnt announced it. Perhaps they had messed around with their emotion manipulation, too. That would have explained a lot. Are you ready? Dina asked impatiently. Yes, I replied, the realisation making me feel slightly less nervous. Go on, start the video! Dinas lips stretched into a wide grin as she gestured towards the projection, and the woman began to move. An almost deafening sigh crackled through the ancient speakers on the projector, and Dina and I flinched. I lifted my gun, scanning the darkened room in case the noise somehow triggered an attack, but the room was still. The only movement came from the woman on the projection. Sorry, Dina muttered. Turns out the volume was on max. Thats okay, I said as a faint clinking noise sounded. Thats better. Dina nodded without saying anything, her eyes returning to the projection. The woman had lifted the glass from the tray on her desk and tipped ice cubes into it. I had no idea where theyd come from; she must have had a freezer somewhere nearby. It didnt seem like she was aware that she was being filmed. She hadnt looked at the camera once. She was too focused on pouring some of the amber-coloured liquid into her cup. A memory sparked somewhere deep in the back of my mind. She was drinking whisky. I wasnt sure how I knew, but I did. The glasses were familiar to me, maybe. The woman put down the bottle without bothering to place the stopper back into it and picked up her cup. Wow, Dina breathed as we watched her down it without hesitation. I guess she was really thirsty. Yeah, I guess so, I agreed as the woman began to refill her glass before finally looking at us. The world is dying, she announced. And there really is no easy way to say that. I mean, so many people have tried, and yet it never sounds any better. And somehow, despite all of the facts and how obvious it is, some people are still denying it. I thought wed moved on from ignoring science, but here we are. She sighed heavily again, but the noise was less overwhelming that time. Its climate change, I told Dina. No, its not, she argued hopefully. Theres more to it than that. I know it! The woman took a long swing, seeming to savour the flavour as she stared into the distance, her expression almost disappointed. The planet is slowly freezing. We dont have long until it will be entirely uninhabitable, and yet some idiots are still claiming that this is a hoax. How could they possibly think that? Dina groaned loudly. Fine, she grumbled. Maybe you were right. Its just boring old climate change. Sorry, I told her with a grin. Part of me was a little disappointed. It would have been so much more fun if there was more to what happened than that, but it seemed like the world was based on the surface. That had become unsafe for humans because of climate change, and there were a lot of similarities. But I refuse to sit back and let people die or give up on this planet and take to the skies like those cults, as if thatll be any safer! the woman laughed, the noise bordering on manic. The skies I repeated. So, there were floating cities in the game world too? Dina asked. I guess so. Dina hesitated before speaking again. Whats a cult? I dont know, I lied. Im not sure why I did it. The words just came out before I could stop them. Theres more we can do, the woman said, seeming to be talking to herself. There has to be. Thats why Ive taken over this lab. It was in the family before, but they werent doing anything useful with it. I mean, theres no need to develop new diseases or toxins when there wont be anyone left to use them on soon, if we dont find a way to stop this. The image froze, and I glanced at Dina, seeing her shocked expression. What? Is that what biological warfare is? she demanded. I wasnt meant to know that in the world, either. That knowledge had come from elsewhere. Oh, I guess so, I said, trying to sound just as appalled and taken aback as she looked. Thats horrible. That cant have been a real thing on the surface, can it? The urge to lie to Dina washed over me again. Im not sure. Lets keep watching. That felt safer. It had to be, but I didnt know who I was trying to protect her from. It just seemed like there was some kind of danger. Like, if I let her know too much, something would happen to her, but lying felt wrong too. There was no good option. Dina nodded, her expression distracted as she fiddled with the control ring until the projection started to move again. The woman on the screen held up a hand. No, not stop this, she corrected herself. There is no preventing the inevitable, but there has to be a way to ensure some people survive. If we can find a way to allow them to adapt to the extreme temperatures and the demands that the coming years hold, theyll endure. I know they will. There has to be something, some small modification we can make to their genetic makeup, that will help. Um what? Dina interrupted, but the woman just kept on talking. Were already so close to the solution, I know we are. If we just keep working, we can do it. This lab is so much bigger than our last one. It has all of the equipment we need. I just hope we have enough time. And, if we dont She trailed off, lifting her glass to her lips and downing the contents again. If they dont? Dina whispered, as if trying to prompt her into continuing. The woman sighed and shook her head before staring directly into the camera again. And if we dont, then I just hope we dont make things worse, and maybe someday, people will be able to return to the surface again, she said, her tone strangely wistful. If theres anything left for them here. She began to reach for the whisky decanter with one hand, waving the other one without even looking at the camera. The black control ring on her finger glinted in the light as the image faded away, being replaced by the list of files. Dina and I stared at the space where the woman had sat blankly, neither of us able to speak for a few seconds. What she had said had been so wild and terrifying, but there was something about it that just pulled at me. It made me want to continue watching the videos and hear what else she had to say. So Dina started slowly. They messed with peoples genetics? I guess so, I replied, feeling my eyebrows draw together. Thats what the woman said, anyway. Dina nodded, her eyes wide and staring. She didnt seem to be focusing on anything specific, and I could almost hear how hard her mind working. Do you she began before trailing off and starting again. You dont think that actually happened on the surface? I mean, do you think it would have if anyone was left behind? Of course not, I responded immediately. People know better than to mess around with genetics. Its too dangerous. And everyone was brought up here or to one of the other floating cities. I heard how sharp my tone was, but I couldnt do anything about it. I didnt even know why I was being so short with her; the question just annoyed me for some reason. It was silly, foolish. Genetic modification and people being left on the surface was just a plot point in a video game. It wasnt real. Dina glanced at me, hurt blossoming on her features. Oh, right, she muttered. Of course. Guilt spread through me as I took in her dejected posture, and I bit my lip, trying to work out why I had been so rude. It was a reasonable question. I probably would have wondered the same thing if I didnt know the truth. Fear fluttered in my chest, and I glanced at Dina as a memory floated to the surface of my mind. It had been locked away before, unable to be accessed, but I wasnt sure why. Was it a conscious decision that Id made in that world? Or had someone else. Id never told anyone else what Id seen. My mom was the only one I mentioned it to. It was an accident. I didnt go snooping; I just stumbled across the information. There was a problem with my chip. I had it replaced at twelve, just like everyone else, but mine was glitching. A few people had the same problem; the batch was faulty, but they couldnt replace them straight away. They wanted to work out what had gone wrong first. Sometimes, the system at home thought I was my mom. That was normally fine; I didnt often try to access something only she would have access to, and I didnt mean to on that day either. I was just doing some research for a piece of homework about the final days on the surface. Obviously, Id learnt about it before, but I needed to double-check some details. I didnt even know what I was reading at first. I still couldnt wrap my head around it even after Id read all of the reports on the system. Mom got home not long after that. She got an alert about the files I was reading, and she rushed back using the transport system under the city so no one would know it wasnt her who was accessing them. She could tell that I knew the truth, and she didnt even try to lie to me about all of the people who were left to die on the surface. I almost wish she had. That would have made it easier, but instead, she answered every question I had without shying away from the gruesome details. The people in the cities were chosen. Selected. They were deemed worthy of survival. There was a strict set of criteria that a person had to meet, and not many did. More were left behind, and families were split up. People choose to turn their backs on their loved ones and let them die alone. The cities lost contact with the surface not long after that. I glanced at Dina again. She was fiddling with the ring, her expression somehow even sadder than before. The guilt churning in my stomach became almost unbearable, and I chewed the inside of my lip, trying to think of a way to make it better. Hey, I said awkwardly. You were right. It wasnt just climate change. She looked up at me, a slight smile beginning to pull at her lips. Huh, she replied softly. I guess so. I hesitated, still grappling with shame. That wasnt good enough. I needed to say something more. I couldnt exactly explain, but Sorry. I I was rude, and it wasnt fair. You didnt deserve it. Dinas expression brightened, and she bumped me with her shoulder. Its fine, she told me. Its not your fault. Theyve done something to the emotion manipulation in this game, right? A wave of relief crashed into me. Yes! I think so, I agreed. They must have! Ive been so anxious since I got in here, and I genuinely almost cried just then. Shame welled up inside of me, and I grimaced. My emotions had been all over the place, but that wasnt why Id snapped at her. Or it wasnt the only reason, at least. Sorry, I repeated. Dont be, she said with a laugh. Its kind of reassuring to know you feel the same way. I thought my hormone regulator was getting messed up again! Really? I asked. Maybe you should get that sorted. They can cause a lot of problems if it gets Clea, its fine, Dina cut me off. Its just the game messing with me. Are you sure? Well no. I guess theres no real way to know for certain, but it only started happening after we got here, so I assume its just that. I hesitated. Her answer made sense, but I still didnt like it. It felt like too much of a risk. Maybe Ill swing by the clinic tomorrow, she interrupted, knowing exactly what I was going to say. Happy? I mean, Id prefer you go tonight, I mumbled, knowing the smile on my face made it obvious that I was joking. It would be better if she went that day, but if her hormone regulator had just started malfunctioning, it wouldnt cause any real damage for a few weeks. Shut up, she laughed, nudging me again. Want to want another recording? Reluctance pulled at me, trying to convince me to say no, but I forced myself to nod. Maybe Id put in a comment about the emotion manipulation later. It was fun to have some, but theyd gone too far, and it was making it hard to keep playing. Yeah, lets do it! There are hundreds here, Dina remarked as she scrolled through them again. We cant watch them all, right? If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. No, I doubt it. Schools got to be almost over. People will get annoyed if were hogging the machine and just watching things, I agreed. Look, the last few digits of the file name look like dates, right? Do you want to skip forward a few months? Oh, good spot, Dina said, her eyes narrowing as she stared at the date. Huh. Okay how about this one? I stared at the file shed suggested, glad that she didnt say anything more about the year. The number was familiar to me. Everyone in the city knew when the city was founded and the surface became uninhabitable, but why had the devs chosen the same year? It felt wrong or insensitive. They could have picked any time or date. Pushing the thought from my mind, I forced myself to focus on the file. There was no information on it other than the name and file type, but it was almost exactly three months after the first video. The woman seemed to have recorded one every day. Yeah, sounds good. If its boring, we can always turn it off and watch a different one. Dina nodded, her expression slightly worried, before selecting the video. The room darkened for a moment before the projection began. The office looked exactly as it had before, but that time, the woman wasnt sitting behind her desk. She was leaning against it. One of her arms was wrapped around her body, the other clutched the glass, holding it close to her face, and I couldnt help but notice the tumbler was much fuller than last time. Her eyes were shiny, though. In the last video, she had appeared glum and angry, but now she seemed much more animated, even before she began speaking. She couldnt stand still. She fidgeted with the glass, turning it slowly back and forth in her hand. We started testing on animals today, she announced. Were using the formulas I uploaded yesterday. Theyre not perfect yet, obviously. Too unstable, but we need to move fast. If even one of them can produce promising results, it could help point us in the right direction. They started testing on animals without having a finished product? I muttered. That seems barbaric, Dina said, and I found myself nodding in agreement. I knew it happened sometimes on the surface. People got desperate, but it was still hard to hear. The scientist didnt seem too fazed, though. None of the animals survived, which wasnt really a surprise to any of us. We expected that, but their reactions were interesting, she noted. One triggered an immune response and entered anaphylaxis, which is worth noting, but the others they all had different responses. Im most intrigued by the rhesus. We tested on a range of animals, of course. The full report should be attached to this file, but it didnt react at all at first. At first? Dina repeated, her voice horrified. Then what happened? Within four hours, the woman continued, seeming to almost be replying to Dina, it became enraged. Nothing appeared to trigger it; it was in its cage as usual, and it began trying to get through the bars. It murdered two lab assistants who made the mistake of getting within range and was hit with enough tranqs to take down an elephant, but it didnt stop fighting until the brain was removed. There was no remorse or emotion in her voice as she spoke about the dead assistants. Her tone remained perfectly even and thoughtful, almost like that was a promising result. Thats horrible, Dina muttered, and I nodded, my eyes fixed on the woman. We need to test that serum again to identify exactly what happened. Was the amygdala stimulated somehow? Or perhaps the hypothalamus? Could it have been hormonal? the woman guessed, her eyebrows drawing together as she considered the possibilities. Im not sure, but I want to find out. The decreased response to physical pain is interesting. It may be useful for surviving natural disasters, but we need to find a way to assess the associated risks. The subjects could be at a greater risk of injury to extremities, leading to infection, tissue loss, and potential sepsis, similar to that seen in leprosy. I jerked back, the mention of leprosy taking me by surprise. Id not thought about that disease in a little while. Not since I was on Spinalonga with Mitch. Longing gripped my heart so tightly I couldnt breathe, and dizziness sent the room spinning around me. Is that blood? Dina asked, her alarmed voice cutting through my vertigo. Blood? I repeated weakly, squeezing my hands into fists and biting down on the inside of my lip in the hopes of anchoring myself in that world. Where? On her sleeve. Look, her right arm. Forcing myself to take deep breaths, my eyes scanned the image before us, struggling to focus. Slowly, it became clearer, and I watched as the woman lifted the glass to her lips, clearly displaying the stain on the underside of her arm. It appeared almost as if her sleeve had been dragged through a puddle of blood. Was it one of the lab assistants? I need sleep, the woman said. Ive uploaded the data to every satellite my family has access to. If our experiments dont work well, maybe at least some of our findings will be useful to someone. Perhaps some of the freaks on those doomed floating islands will be able to do something with them. I dont know. I doubt theyll outlast anyone on the surface. Three islands have crashed back down within the last week. More will follow. She let out a sigh as she shook her head, seemingly disappointed, and I wasnt sure if she was sad people had died when the cities fell or if she was sad that the technology had failed. Both seemed equally likely for her. Three cities fell, Dina said as the video ended. Didnt they? In real life, three of the cities fell from the sky shortly after they ascended. Yes, I confirmed, barely able to get the word out. It was just a coincidence, I told myself. There was no way what she was saying was true. Some of it was, but they didnt actually experiment on animals. Not like that. But no more fell after that, right? I dont know. That was the truth. Wed been told that they hadnt, but I was starting to doubt it. Too much of the game was based on the truth. It was things the devs shouldnt have known. The information was only available to a select few, to the people who ran the city and had to know about it. There was no way the update would have been approved if it contained that information that was meant to be hidden. Unless it had never been approved. No. It had to be. How else would we be playing it? Should I put another on? Dina asked nervously. I glanced around, feeling the urge to disconnect and scan the arcade to make sure we were still alone, before nodding. Yeah. Skip forward another few months, maybe? Okay, Dina said, finding a video and clicking on it. Whoa. I stared at the image in shock, my brain struggling to process what I was seeing. The woman, the scientist, was seated again, but that seemed almost necessary. I wasnt sure if she would have been able to stand if she tried. She was too frail. She had never looked weak before, but suddenly, she did. It hadnt been long since the first video or even the second one. Six months had passed since the initial file, but she had changed so much. Her cheeks were sunken, and bags had appeared under her eyes, the colour so dark, they looked like bruises. Her once glossy hair was limp, greasy and scrapped back, and she was slumped in her chair. It seemed like the weight of her body was too much for her to be able to hold upright unassisted. But the whisky glass was still in her hand. There was no ice and barely any liquid, but it seemed like it had been full just moments before. A loud sigh slipped from her mouth, the sound heavy with exhaustion. What happened to her? Dina asked, glancing at me. Is she sick? I didnt have an answer to her. I should have known. Id done some medical training and voluntary work at the hospital, but I had no clue what could have happened to her to cause her to deteriorate so quickly. I think so. We started human testing today, the woman said, her voice soft and rasping. It was too soon. I know it was, but what else were we meant to do? Every single avenue of our research has reached a dead end. The animal trials arent helping either. They dont make sense. Each one produces a different result, and I dont know why! She slammed her fist down onto the desk as her voice rose to a shout, and I flinched, not expecting such anger. The emotion seemed to drain out of her quickly, leaving her even weaker than before. Her hand shook as she reached towards the decanter, barely able to lift it from the table. They started testing on humans before they produced consistent results on animals, I breathed in horror. Why would they do that? How many people did they kill? We had no alternative, she continued, seeming to stare directly at me. Word got about about what were trying to do here. I dont know how, but there are too many people camped outside the lab, despite the storms. Weve had to start sleeping here. Its impossible to get through the crowd, and they killed Jemma last week. They thought she might have had the serum on her. They murdered a scientist for that? Dina muttered, her tone fearful. They were desperate, I explained. They must have been willing to do anything. We told them the risks, the woman continued miserably. We said the serum wasnt perfected and that they would likely die, but the screams She pressed a hand to her mouth to stifle the sob that cut her off, and I felt my heart break. I wasnt sure if I was sad for her or everyone else on the surface. Or in the game. If that was all the story was theyd done amazingly, but if it wasnt I wasnt sure what would happen. I dont know if I can watch this, Dina admitted, her face pale. Not a single person survived, the woman said before I could reply. I must be missing something. I just dont know what. If I have another look at the data, maybe Ill see something. Perhaps, theres Amelia, a voice called from off-screen, and Amelias head snapped up as panic flitted across her face before the image disappeared. Who was that? Dina asked. Im not sure, but I guess now we know thats definitely Amelia, I responded. Do you want to watch another? Indecision warred on Dinas face, but I knew what she was going to say. She was too curious. Despite how hard it was to hear about the experiments going badly, she would want to keep watching. Part of me hoped that things were going to get better. That Amelias experiments would start to produce good results, promising ones, before it was too late. If it wasnt already. I think so, Dina said unsurely. I nodded. If it becomes too much, we can turn it off, I told her. Dinas shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath before beginning to scroll. Oh. The final video is only two months from that one, she pointed out. I stared at the file. There was nothing particularly unique about it. It was titled the same way as the rest of the videos, but it was the last one. It had to answer some of the many, many questions I still had about Amelia and everything that had happened, but I wasnt sure if it would. I guess I said, my voice quiet from apprehension. Well just watch that one then. Okay, Dina muttered. The office had changed a lot in those two months. The once neatly spaced items displayed on the tables around the room were in disarray, and most had been replaced with lab equipment. A fridge containing samples of blood and brightly coloured liquids hummed on the table closest to Amelia, and I found myself glancing across at the table on the far side of the office. Dina, I said, my head whipping around. Are you seeing this? Yes, she confirmed, stumbling backwards and slipping her hand into mine for support. The room seemed to be changing around us. The dusty and broken remains of the decorations had begun to shimmer slightly before transforming to match the room in the projection. I stared at the items, trying to work out what they were. Most were vaguely familiar, but they were in such a state of disrepair and decay that it was hard to know what they were for certain. Even Amelias desk is different. There are two glasses on it. One empty one, and one full. Still no progress, Amelia announced, her hoarse voice matching her feeble and sickly appearance. Just like yesterday, the day before that and every other day since I started working on this thing. Were still testing on humans. Weve had a couple of almost positive results, but weve given up on the animal testing, released all of the ones we had left into the wild. They wont survive for long out there, but I cant watch another creature die. None of us can; its making this all seem so She trailed off and stared into space for a moment, entirely motionless. She wasnt even blinking. I glanced across at Dina in confusion. Did you pause it? I asked. She looked down at the control ring, tapping a few buttons before looking back up at the screen. No. I dont know what Amelia blinked suddenly and sucked in a breath, making me jump. The weather is getting worse by the day. Another hurricane tore across the east yesterday, destroying one of the other labs and years of progress. They had everything backed up, of course, but the samples were destroyed. I dont even know how many people they lost, she murmured, concern crossing her haggard face. I cant make sense of their data, though. Theres even more on the satellite than they shared previously, and I dont understand. I thought they gave up on the weapons, goddammit! They were still making weapons? Dina muttered, her expression horrified. Why isnt this working? Why isnt any of this working? Amelia growled before her expression turned blank, and she lifted a hand to her nose. Dammit, not again! Whats happening? Dina asked as Amelia grabbed a stained cloth and pressed it to her face. Nosebleed, I said softly. Its probably just stress or dry air or that. We watched in silence as Amelia lifted a device towards her nose and inhaled deeply, her expression turning peaceful for just a moment. What is it? Im not sure, but I trailed off as Amelia lowered the device and examined it. Early results of the aerosol delivery system seem promising. More of the active compound appears to cross the blood-brain barrier, which should mean it can start working sooner, but Amelia paused and shook her head. We still dont know the ideal dose. Computerised trials seem to indicate that this should be enough, but if its not I dont know. Ive uploaded all of my data and results. If the recordings randomly stop one day, I guess then you know that this was not a safe dose. Either that or a storm killed me. Which one do you think it was? Dina asked, her voice barely audible. I watched as Amelia reached towards the ever-present whisky decanter on her desk, but she couldnt lift it. Her hands were shaking too much, and she had become too weak. The serum, I decided softly, aware that I was watching a dying woman. Finally, she managed to lift the bottle, but it slipped from her grip, tumbling onto the desk. She just stared at the liquid flowing up without moving, seemingly no longer caring about the alcohol. Ive done a lot since I took over this lab. A lot before then too. I changed a lot of lives, some for the better, but more for the worse, she said, her voice quiet. I wish Id come around sooner and realised what we were doing. That we were ruining the world, but I was too arrogant. Too power-hungry, and now its too late. We have all of the power we could ask for, and what is it good for? She broke off as hacking coughs wracked her body and left her gasping for air. This is horrible, Dina muttered, but she made no move to turn the video off. The final plane went up to the city yesterday. Simon tried to convince me to go. My family asked him to. I know they did, but I cant leave this place. I dont want to live in the sky, waiting for the ground to fall out from under me. I want to stay here where We waited for her to continue, leaning forward in anticipation, but she remained silent. Whats happening? Dina asked. She cant breathe properly, I said, watching the jerky movements of her chest as she tried to suck in enough oxygen. Amelia lets out another painfully dry-sounding cough before reaching out towards the glass sitting on the far side of the table. She moves it closer, lifting it towards her face and appearing to sniff it. How did he not think I would notice this? she muttered. I assume it was part of the plan. A mild paralytic that Simon planned to give me so he could get me onto the plane. They probably had the antidote on there, but its too late for that. Its long gone. Shes not going to drink it, is she? Dina asked, staring at Amelia as she lifted the poisoned drink towards her lips again. I dont know. She simply sniffed it again, a slight grimace appearing on her face. I dont deserve to go up there. I know theyd probably be able to heal whatever damage Ive done to myself whilst working on the damn serum, but I brought these mutations into the world. The creatures we released. I thought theyd die out in the wild, but theyve adapted too quickly. Theyre evolving faster than we ever could and hunting down humans with a viciousness my family could only ever dream of. Maybe its just a matter of time before Amelia sighed. Well, if anyone does survive you have my research. I hope it helps bring them down, and if not? Well. Heres to the end of the world. No! Dina screamed as Amelia threw back the poisoned drink. Why did she do that? I didnt answer her. I couldnt. All I could do was watch as Amelia struggled to swallow. In case, by some miracle or the grace of God, someone finds these videos. If you find a way to eradicate the animals and fix the planet I dont know, she said, pausing to catch her breath. It means nothing anymore. I know it doesnt. My family dont care, but I still want to formally apologise on behalf of myself, my family and every branch of our company, Sterling Enterprise. I hope some of the information and research we did in this lab survives what is coming and can be of use to protect the future of mankind. Something inside of me shattered. I stumbled back, my head spinning as I stared at the dying woman. No, I muttered. No, no, no. What is it? Dina asked, sounding panicked. Clea, whats wrong? But I couldnt answer her. I could only shake my head as my breath came in gasps. It was a coincidence, nothing more. It wasnt a particularly common name, but that didnt mean it was the same company as the one in Mitchs world. It couldnt be. He said they were everywhere. They could have a biological warfare lab. They could be working towards the end of the world. When was Ascension Day? How long did we have until they destroyed everything? I couldnt remember. I couldnt recall the date. My vision was blurry. I could barely even see Dina standing in front of me, her hands on my shoulders as she tried to get through to me. Clea, whats going on? The shout came from far away, and I tried to push her away, needing to see the date on the video file. My limbs barely responded to me. I felt weak, shaky, and dizzy, as if I were the one who had just drunk the poison, not Amelia. I needed to warn Mitch. He needed to know. If he was even still alive. I started to reach out, searching for the dizziness Id been avoiding for so long. A vague, distant shout echoed through my mind. Get down on the floor! Panic sparked in my chest. I didnt know which world that was in. It could have been any of them, including his. I dove towards it, my gaze sharpened just in time to see Dinas terrified face staring back at me. Clea, whats going on? she whispered as the world around us turned dark. A badge appeared at the top of the screen, and I glanced at it, even as I searched for an escape. The truth. That was all it said. A gun. Someone was pointing a gun at me. That was the first thing I noticed as my vision cleared. We were in the arcade still, but there were people surrounding us. Every single one was dressed in purple uniforms. Officials. Beside me, I could hear Dinas rapid, panicked breaths, but I couldnt stay. I had to go and warn Mitch. Weve located the terrorists, I heard someone say as I finally found the dizziness I had been searching for. Im sorry, I whispered to Dina as I gripped it, allowing it to pull me away from the world. Panic fluttered in my heart, and I could feel myself shaking as I was dragged through nothingness towards the world where I knew Mitch was. I was close, so close. All I needed to do was speak to him and tell him about Amelia and the Sterlings and what they did. There had to be a reasonable way to explain it to him. One that made sense and didnt make me sound insane. I couldnt think of it. I could barely string a single thought together, but Id think of something. I knew I would. I fell still. Dizziness was wrapped tightly around me, making it hard to breathe, but I was there. I knew that without even opening my eyes. I was in the same world as Mitch. But before I had the chance to do anything, before the dizziness fully disappeared, I was jolted backwards, ripped from the world. The tyres skidded as my mom stamped on the brakes, and I opened my eyes in fear, my gaze darting around as I waited for the inevitable collision. Why is their car here? 4.1 The world wouldnt end. They they came back. My breathing came in tight gasps as my eyes darted around, trying to work out what was happening. I needed to leave. I had to find Mitch and tell him about the Sterlings and what they had done. He was in danger; they were too dangerous, and I had to warn him before it was too late, before they killed everyone. I I cant believe it, my mom muttered, seeming to be talking to herself. They must have read my messages. I couldnt speak. If I tried, my voice would come out too uneven, and then my mom would look at me and see my panic. Shed realise something was wrong, and I didnt want that. I couldnt deal with it. If she started questioning me, if she asked me what I was so scared about, the fragile dam Id built within myself to hold back the overwhelming terror would break, leaving me Broken. It would shatter me and drag me down, and I couldnt have that. I needed to keep it together, to not let myself fall apart until I was alone. Once I was in my room and knew I wouldnt be bothered, then I could let it happen. I could go to Mitch. We had time, I tried to reassure myself. The Sterlings were dangerous, but I didnt need to worry about them yet. There was no point in panicking as much as I was. Mitchs world was fine, I was pretty sure. It wasnt teetering on the brink of collapse, ready to succumb to global warming, and that meant I could wait. A few minutes wouldnt make the difference between death and survival, but it could ruin everything for me. I didnt trust myself to be able to respond well to my mom and grandparents if I wasnt actually there in my regular world to decide what to say and how to act. Nothing had gone wrong whilst I was in other worlds yet, but it felt like it was only a matter of time before it did, and I wanted to prevent it from happening for as long as possible. We started to roll forward again, and I glanced at my mom, checking to make sure she was actually controlling the car and not still staring at theirs in shock. Her eyes were still wide, but a smile had stretched over her lips. I sucked in slow, deep breaths, trying to ignore the anxiety that pulled at me. It wasnt just because of what was happening in the other worlds. I was worried about my mom too. I didnt trust that my grandparents had come back to say goodbye to us. I knew them better than that, and it didnt feel right. Theyd never done it before, and I assumed there was another reason why theyd returned. Either that, or they didnt know we were still there. That would make sense. Mom had been texting and trying to call them almost constantly all day, but it wouldnt have surprised me if my grandmother blocked her number. Mom was so excited and happy that theyd returned that she could barely park. She pulled into the space, not even bothering to straighten up or pull all the way forward before getting out of the car. I climbed out, watching as she rushed toward the boot and pulled out the giant bouquet that shed spent hours selecting. It did look good. With how long shed spent working on it, it would have been strange if it didnt, but the combination of vibrant orange, yellow and red flowers reminded me of a sunset. They were beautiful. She shot me a smile that was free from her usual restraint and judgement before rushing towards the front door, her excitement almost childlike. Oh, she said as she tried to open the door, expecting it not to be locked. I guess they normally lock it when theyre here alone. A high-pitched giggle slipped out of her mouth as she fumbled for her keys, and I felt the fake, overly bright smile Id forced onto my lips slip slightly. Yeah, I guess so, I agreed despite knowing they didnt. They never locked their front door. It was only when they went to bed or went out. The rest of the time, they left it on the latch. I wasnt entirely sure why, but they did. If it was locked, it was a deliberate decision, and that worried me. They were going to be horrible to my mom. She was so excited that they actually wanted to see her before we left, and they were about to shatter that hope. But it was too late for me to do anything. Mom finally managed to open the door, and it swung open. I watched as she looked around, clearly hoping her parents would materialise and tell her how happy they were to see her. The hall was empty, though. The sound of the television floated towards us, and I held my breath, waiting to see how shed react. She stepped forward, pulling the key from the door, the smile still on her lips. Mom? Dad? she called. Were back! No answer came. The lounge wasnt far from the front door; I knew that my grandfather would have heard her, but he didnt say anything. He just stayed silent. A clacking noise sounded in the distance, and I stared at the end of the hall, waiting for my grandmother to appear, but it wasnt long until she poked her head around the door, peering at us. An overly shocked expression appeared on her face as she did a double take that was too dramatic to be real. My mom didnt move from the doorway as my grandmother started to walk towards us, her heels clicking loudly on the floor. She waited until shed almost reached us before finally speaking. Youre still here? she said, sounding surprised. Well, that certainly explains the mess. Ive just spent the last hour cleaning out the fridge. That was obviously a lie. Wed barely kept anything in there; she just wanted to insult my mom. Mom always cleaned it out before we left, anyway. It always irritated me, and shed spend the whole time complaining about the amount of food Id wasted if I stayed in the room, but she did it every time. There was no point. We both knew the housekeeper would clean everything before my grandparents returned, but Mom insisted on doing it anyway. Yes, Im sorry about that. I was going to do it once we got back, my mom explained before hesitating. Did you not see my texts? Her voice was so fragile that it almost hurt to hear. It sounded like one word from my grandmother could break her, and I knew that was what she wanted. My grandmother enjoyed it too much. I must have missed them, she said with a shrug. Oh. Anger burned in me as I watched my grandmothers lip curl, her eyes fixed on my moms face. What are they for? my grandmother asked, waving a dismissive hand towards the flowers my mom was clutching. She glanced down at them, tightening her grip as she turned them slightly, clearly trying to make sure they looked as good as possible. You, she said, her voice far too cheerful. And Dad. Theyre a thank you for letting us stay for the summer. Moms smile grew slightly as her mother stepped forward, reaching out towards the flowers. It looked like she was reaching out to accept them, and my mom held the bouquet out towards her, but she just touched one of the leaves before snatching her hand back. Theyre real? she gasped. The expression on Moms face faltered. Yes, she replied. I went to the flower shop in town that I know you like. My grandmothers eyes narrowed as she stared at them in apparent disbelief, examining the flowers closely but making no move to reach for them again. Malcolm sold you these? she asked in a shocked voice. I assumed from the quality that youd picked them up from a supermarket or petrol station. No, my mom said, her smile becoming even more forced. We got them from Malcolms. My grandmother leant closer, staring at the flowers before shaking her head slightly. Well, hes never sold me anything quite so she trailed off, as if searching for the right word before giving up. Thank you. Im sure these will look lovely in the guest bathroom. She took the bouquet from my mom, holding it out in front of her, seemingly worried that she was going to get dirt on her clothes or catch some kind of disease from them, before turning and walking away. I watched her go, not quite able to believe just how rude shed been. She was always dismissive and rude to my mom, but the way shed acted was a whole new level. It was so cruel. They never used the guest bathroom. Shed chosen to put them there because of that, and I knew it. It was another dig at my mom, a reminder that she hated the flowers, despite them being some of her favourites. If shed chosen them herself, they would have been placed in the entrance hall. She would have boasted about them to anyone who visited. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it. I glanced across at my mom, seeing her visibly sag as her mother disappeared around the corner at the end of the hall. Still, she didnt look away. Her shining eyes remained fixed on the spot where shed been moments before, seemingly unable to look away. Irritation grew within me as I took in the obvious disappointment and heartbreak on her face. I liked the flowers, I said, purposefully not lowering my voice. Perhaps my grandmother would hear, and it would be enough to remind her not to be so cruel. I doubted it, but part of me still hoped. A sigh slipped out of my moms mouth, and I waited for her to reply, feeling anxiety grow within me. It felt foolish to draw attention to myself when my mom was clearly struggling to control her emotions, and I almost expected her to snap or lash out at me, but to my surprise, a slight yet genuine smile appeared on her face. Thank you, Grace, she said, her tone tired. You should probably go upstairs and pack. I hesitated, not quite sure what to make of her reaction. Ive already finished packing. It was a lie, but that didnt matter. My mom looked away, glancing towards the door to the lounge. Im sure youve probably missed something. Why dont you go and check? I opened my mouth to reply before shutting it again as a realisation washed over me. Her tone was strangely forceful, and it took me a moment to work out that she was trying to give me an excuse to leave and hide in my bedroom. I wanted to take it. I knew that I needed to see Mitch, but I felt like I should stay with my mom. She was probably going to go into the kitchen and sit with her mom, who would pepper her with insults and snide comments. If I was there, I could It wouldnt make anything better, but I might be able to help her or distract my grandmother for a little. It wasnt my job to protect her from her mom, and I knew that. She was almost as cruel to me sometimes, but it still wasnt right for her to deal with that alone. But dizziness was pulling at me. The other worlds tugged at my awareness, making it hard to stand without swaying. Are you sure? I asked quietly. My mother sent me a look that I think she wanted to be haughty, but her eyes were still glistening with unshed tears. Of course, she said. You should have finished packing before we went out. Her voice lacked its usual sting, and I smiled. Thanks, I replied softly before raising my voice ever so slightly. I probably have missed a few bits. Ill go check. Make sure you do. I turned and walked towards the stairs before stopping. Mom had given me an excuse, a reason not to have to spend time with my grandparents when they were clearly feeling more vicious than usual, and I wanted to do the same for her. Have you finished packing? I asked, my voice feeling unnaturally loud as it rang across the space between us. A small smile pulled at my moms lips as she glanced at me, her expression exhausted. Ill do it later. She looked away again, her eyes finding the end of the corridor as she drew herself up, standing straighter. I watched as her shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath before starting to walk towards the kitchen, where I could hear my grandmother bustling around. Sadness pulled at me, and part of me wanted to call her back and ask her to help me with something upstairs, but I forced myself to stay quiet. Shed made her decision. Id given her the opportunity to hide from her parents, and she hadnt taken it. Instead, shed chosen to follow after her mom and risk being hurt again. There was nothing more I could do. I turned and started to climb the stairs, succumbing to the dizziness that had been waiting to strike. Fear blossomed in my chest again as I focused on Mitchs world, feeling my body moving distantly in one of the worlds as my mind spun. What was I going to say to him? I wanted to tell him that I missed him, but that would be stupid. I hadnt gone anywhere in that world. Id been in the same villa as him the whole time. Hed think Id lost my mind. The Sterlings had a biological warfare lab, and they were to blame for the end of the world. Well, it wasnt exactly their fault, but they made it worse. They made it happen sooner, I think? I could tell him that, and then I froze as the world began to solidify around me, and my bedroom door shut behind me. I had no proof. How could I tell him what I had discovered and expect him to believe me when I had no evidence and no explanation for how Id learnt about it? He really would think Id lost my mind. I needed more. I needed something. Something firm that I could tell him. Pulling the curtains shut so no one would see me pacing in reality, I hovered in the strange blank space between worlds, wracking my brain as I tried to think of some kind of proof I could give Mitch. It would have been so much easier if I could go back to the strange floating city and watch the videos again, but there was no point returning there. Id left the game. I wasnt even in the arcade anymore. I was somewhere. Confusion and curiosity pulled at me, and I started to reach out towards that world before I could stop myself. It felt wrong, though. There was a strange edge to the dizziness that felt almost like a warning. A warning of what, though? It should have been enough to push me away and prevent me from returning, but it wasnt. I tried to hold some of my awareness back and not plunge fully into the world, but it was impossible. The moment I pulled close, information seemed to rush at me. It pulled at my mind, demanding and fighting for my attention. Everything looked wrong. That was my first realisation. Everything about the small windowless room I was seated in, handcuffed to the table, looked distorted. The pale, almost faded blue walls were dull and muted, and even I looked wrong. My skin tone was so anaemic. I never normally looked that bad. How long had I been held there? Or was I even me? Had something gone wrong, and Id found myself in the wrong body? Was I even in the right world? Panic leapt in my chest, and I looked down at my hands, my eyes searching for any blemish or sign to prove my identity. My breath caught in my throat as my gaze landed on the small, pale line on the underside of my arm. I, Clea, had that scar. The doctors had done their best to prevent it from forming after an accident a few years ago, but it still had. I was in the right body; I had to be, but then why did everything look wrong? I fought to keep my fear at bay as I glanced around the room again, trying to ignore the fact that there was no door. There must have been; how else would I have gotten into the room? I just couldnt see it for some reason. A tight breath escaped my lips as the memories returned to me. Theyd always been there, trying to reveal themselves to me, but Id ignored them. My chip was deactivated. My contacts, too. No theyd been removed. Theyd both been removed once I was brought to wherever I was being held. The back of my head ached, a reminder of the barely healed wound that was tucked just under my hairline. They hadnt numbed the area or given me any painkillers before doing it, but that didnt matter. I didnt fight at all. I was in shock. I had been ever since I left the game. Id barely been able to speak as I was dragged out of the arcade, torn away from Dina, and shoved into the back of a car. I could count the number of times Id even seen one before on one hand. They were usually reserved for emergencies. For when the maglev wouldnt be fast enough. Terrorist attacks and horrible accidents. And that was what they thought I was. A terrorist. Theyd asked me how it had happened when they questioned me, wanting to know how my mind had been poisoned enough to want to bring the entire city crashing down, and Id tried to answer them. Id tried my best to tell the stone-faced officers, dressed in unmarked black uniforms that Id never even seen before, that I was not a terrorist and didnt want the city to be destroyed, but theyd just laughed. They didnt believe me. Not even slightly. It made no sense to me, and Id tried to tell them that. I even tried to say that if I were, why would we use the game to communicate? That felt so stupid to me. It was so open, and anyone could have walked past and watched what we were doing on the monitors. I hoped the question would show them just how ridiculous their accusation was, but it seemed to have the opposite effect and confirm their suspicions. According to them, we were testing the game for the terrorists. Someone had leaked information they shouldn''t have access to. They wanted to get it to people, for everyone to know what had really happened on the surface, and the game was how the officials decided theyd tried to do it. It was a coincidence, Id argued. We had nothing to do with it; it was bad timing. We just happened to be in the arcade at that time and decided to play the game. It wasnt planned or organised, but they hadnt listened. I was the perfect target, apparently. My parents had access to the information that had come out. They assumed Id been the one to leak it. What would happen to them? To my parents? Did they even know where I was? Were they being questioned too, or were they still at work, completely unaware that anything was happening? Maybe theyd get home, expecting me to be there, only to find the house empty. Part of me hoped someone had told them. I knew that would terrify them, that theyd be so worried about me, but it was better than them thinking that Id run away or been involved in a maglev accident or something and was lying in a hospital bed. The thought of my parents sitting at home, clutching each other as they scoured my chip data and searched the hospital records and new reports for any mention of me brought tears to my eyes. I lifted a hand, planning to press it to my lips to stifle the sob that threatened to escape, but the handcuffs prevented me from being able to reach my face. Hopelessness washed over me as I sobbed, unable to hold the tears back, and I dropped my head onto the table. The movement sent pain shooting through my scalp, and something in my mind seemed to jolt. Id gone to that world for a reason. I was there to gather information and data, not stay there forever. There was no point. I couldnt fight every problem and fix every world. I had to focus on the ones that I could. The ones that mattered the most to me. Like Mitchs. If there was nothing I could learn from being in that world, I needed to leave. My heartbreak started to fade as I pulled back, reducing to nothing more than a shadow as I returned to reality and continued pacing, thinking as hard as I could. What did I know that I could tell Mitch? What would be useful? Amelia. She was a Sterling. Maybe we could hunt her down and stop her before she had a chance to start working on the serum that caused all of those animals to mutate. That would help, but it wouldnt fix anything. The world was still ending; people were still going to die. There had to be more we could do to save them and prevent the planet from freezing. It wasnt inevitable; it couldnt be. There had to be something I could do so that no one ever had to take to the skies just to survive. If I could stop that, if I could stop anyone from having to celebrate Ascension Day and mourn the lives of the many people who died as the islands fell back to the surface. Relief, so potent I couldnt stop myself from staggering backwards and dropping onto the bed, slammed into me. Ascension Day. That was another thing I knew. Everyone on the island did. It was etched into our buildings, into the Founders statute. 2097. We had time. The chances of Mitch or me even living that long felt unlikely, but the Sterlings did. Their company did. Maybe we could bring them down, though. Perhaps if we can stop them in our lifetimes, we can change things for the better. They had a lot of businesses; they contributed to a lot of evil. Maybe if we stopped them, the world wouldnt end. 4.2 I trusted him. A smile pulled at my lips, and hope fluttered in my heart as I began to reach out tentatively, searching for Mitchs world again. I knew the feeling; I knew the dizziness well, but it didnt come to me quickly, not like it had before. There was a hesitation, a reluctance there, and for a moment, I wasnt sure why, but then my fears returned. I still didnt know if Mitch was okay, and I was too much of a coward to even let myself enter that world until I knew for sure, but it was impossible to do so without going there. The memories were too distant. They were too far away and hard to access. I knew that if I let my consciousness trickle into the world, Id be able to do it, but it felt almost impossible. I had to try, though. I had to know the truth. Sucking in a deep breath and trying to steady myself, I began to grasp the distant sensation. My hands squeezed into fists on my lap, and I let my eyes shut as I gently tried to pull it closer. Memories fluttered in my mind, just out of reach, but when I lunged towards them, they moved even further away. They were teasing me. It seemed like they were taunting me, refusing to give in and show me what I needed to know. Frustration flared within me, and I grit my teeth, allowing a little more of my consciousness to flow into the world, feeling the warm wooden floor slowly harden under my feet. My heart pounded, and the urge to flee the world and run far away clawed at me, but I ignored it, focusing on my memories. When had I seen Mitch last? A hazy image appeared in my mind, and I held my breath as I poured all of my attention into it, scared that even the slightest moment might send the memory retreating away again. My lips started to stretch into a smile as his face became clearer, but it fell too soon as my heart sank. The last time Id seen him, he was asleep, slumped down in a rattan chair. A book was held loosely in his hands, but I couldnt see the title. He must have been reading it before hed fallen asleep or passed out. My breath escaped my lips in a stuttered exhale as the rest of the memory came into focus. Mitchs top was open. I hadnt seen it at first. It made sense. It was too hot where we were, and he hadnt bothered doing it up, but that meant the thick white bandages that were wrapped around his stomach, stretching all the way to his chest, were on display. Guilt smashed into me, and I felt myself take a step backwards, slipping slightly further out of the world. It wasnt conscious. I just couldnt stay there anymore. I couldnt force myself to do it. It would confirm all of my worries. He looked frail, I think. Ill, maybe. It was hard to tell from the memory; it could have just been a bad angle. His chin was dropped down. Id only been able to see part of his face, not the whole thing, so I had no way of knowing how bad he actually looked. Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me, and he was fine. But then, why was he sleeping? Was he just having a nap? It was warm where we were staying. Even with the air conditioning on, the villa was hot. It made me tired sometimes too; I knew it did, but still, I couldnt help panicking. Maybe he was exhausted. Perhaps his body was on the brink of giving up after fighting the infection for so long. How long had it been? I had no clue. I tried to reach back into the world, trying to search my memories for any information or clue, but they refused to reveal anything. I only caught glimpses, snapshots of things that had happened whilst wed been staying there, and it wasnt enough. My mind was being cruel. It wouldnt yield, wouldnt show me anything even as I pushed more of my consciousness into the world again. It seemed almost like it was punishing me for being away for so long. Nausea rose in my stomach. I shouldnt have gone back. I should have never gone back to the world. That was what my brief return had shown me. It proved that I couldnt do it, that I wasnt ready to cope with the guilt and self-hatred that would come from watching Mitch die. But we had time. I didnt need to go to his world and tell him everything now. I could wait, wait until I knew that he was okay, and hed survive what happened to him. Once I knew that, Id find a way to tell him about Amelia and about what was to come if we didnt stop them. Then wed work together to find out if they really did have biological warfare labs, and wed bring them down. I felt like a wimp as I opened my eyes into reality again, but the knowledge that I had a plan and was going to do something about the Sterlings at some point did make me feel better. Id be going into Mitchs world again at some point. I just had to wait until I knew he was okay, then Id go back. A sigh slipped out of my lips, and I glanced around my room. My bags were pretty much packed. There were a couple more things that I still needed to shove into them, but the thought of dragging myself off the bed and packing was too much for me to even really contemplate. I could wait. Id need to grab a few things in the morning, like my toothbrush and toothpaste. Maybe I was just being lazy, but I couldnt see any reason to force myself to get up and do it before then. Falling sideways onto the lumpy mattress, I stared at the wall blankly. What now, I couldnt help but ask myself. Id run out of worlds to go to. I couldnt go to Mitchs, couldnt go to the one with the floating island where I was being held as a suspected terrorist, and I couldnt go back to the Academy where I was still My thoughts slowed as a grin appeared on my face. The tendrils of dizziness began reaching out, wrapping around my mind and dragging me under. I was pacing back and forth. That was the first thing I realised. My steps faltered for just a moment as the world spun around me, and I staggered, my hand shooting out to steady myself on the wardrobe. Movement in front of me caught my eye, and my head snapped up, causing my vertigo to worsen for a moment. I stood still, fighting the restless energy that made me want to keep moving. If I took so much as a step, Id fall. I couldnt even let go of the wardrobe door. It was cutting into my hand, but I didnt trust myself not to fall if I so much as loosened my grip, and the thought of crashing into my dorm room floor was Slowly, realisation slammed into me, and I stumbled forward, moving towards the mirror. Something about my reflection looked strange. There was something about it that was just a little off, but I was dressed, ready to go, in my school uniform. I was even already wearing shoes. My eyes scanned my face, trying to work out what it was that seemed different, but I couldnt quite put my finger on it. There was just something about my face that looked alien. I was too pale; maybe that was the issue. Or perhaps it was my eyes. The colour was just a little flat. The bags under them looked bad too. They were darker than I was used to, and it was clear Id barely slept at all. I couldnt. I was too lonely and excited about finally getting to see the Academy. The thought of sleeping through my alarm or accidentally turning it off in my sleep terrified me, and I woke up too frequently, terrified that it had happened. But it hadnt. The blaring alarm had roused me from my fitful sleep, and Id had enough time to shower and get ready. That had taken barely any time. I must have rushed through it because I thought Id be ready moments before Rodgers arrived to take me on the tour, but it had been almost an hour. Id been pacing back and forth for so long, but finally, it was almost time. My eyes found the clock. 7:57. Three minutes. Three minutes until he would arrive, and I could stop feeling quite so restless and anxious. Or maybe Id feel worse. There was something about the Academy that scared me. It was the thought of seeing so many people, of how unknown it all was. Despite being in the induction wing, I still felt as thought I didnt know what to expect. Not really. I started to pace again before coming to a sudden stop. I had to be under control. They wouldnt want a nervous spy. They wanted people who could control their emotions, but that wasnt what I was doing, and that was stupid. It was unlikely that anyone could see me in my room or that they were paying attention to me, but I didnt want to risk it. Walking towards my bed, I sat down on the corner of the perfectly firm mattress and looked around my room again. It was still weird to see the two empty beds. Id gotten too used to living with Katie and Abbie, and I missed them. It wasnt the same isolating, all-consuming loneliness that Id felt the night before, though. It was more distant. Part of me did wonder what they were doing, though. Were they still asleep? Or had they already gotten up and started their day? Katie sometimes liked to do some studying in the morning before we went to breakfast, Abbie too. Maybe thats what they were doing. I wasnt sure, but soon, theyd be out in the main Academy with me. I knew that. A shaky breath left my lips as I glanced at the clock again. Somehow, only one minute had passed since the last time Id checked, and I had no idea how that was even possible. It felt like it had been much longer, but maybe that was just my impatience. I was too excited, too eager to finally be able to start training properly and explore the school and the grounds. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. There was so much that I was looking forward to, and it felt stupid, but one of them was going outside. The thought of being able to feel the sunshine on my face and the wind caressing my skin sent a shiver of longing down my spine. It had been too long, and it wasnt something I was consciously aware of normally. I didnt think about it that often, but being in the induction wing made me realise just how much I needed it. The only way to be outside there was the courtyard, but it was too enclosed. The most we ever got was the slightest of breezes. I let out a sigh as I sagged back onto my bed, careful not to mess up my hair. Id spent too long blow-drying it and trying to get it perfect to ruin it before Id even left my room. I couldnt help it, though. Being back in the Academy was so soothing. It was so nice to be somewhere familiar. Somewhere that I actually knew and understood. I wasnt exactly sure what to expect from the school, but it was a normal world, nothing like the floating city Id been in so recently, where things looked so strange. Everything was different there. Even basic things like the sky looked different. It was too colourful, too vibrant, but it didnt look real. It wasnt, I guess. I found that out when they took my contacts and chip. None of it was real. What would happen to me there? What did they do to terrorists in that world? They didnt have a jail; I knew that, but I couldnt recall what happened to people who broke the law. Maybe I didnt, though. I didnt actually do anything wrong. I was just playing a game, but that didnt matter. Theyd already decided not to believe me, so I could have said anything, and I knew theyd just ignore me. I wasnt to blame, though. I was a victim, just as much as Dina was. Guilt and fear pulled at me. What would happen to Dina? She didnt deserve to be jailed or punished for what had happened. She should be let free, but I wasnt sure theyd do that. They couldnt. Dina knew the truth, and she was too smart to believe it was just a mistake. Their reactions made that far too clear, but then what? If she was somehow allowed to go free, to walk out of wherever we were being held, would she be able to just forget about everything? My heart sank. I already knew the answer to that. She wouldnt. She was too curious, too dangerous. Now that she knew our world was nothing more than a lie, a fragile spiderweb of deceit and control, she wouldnt be able to just move on. Shed keep digging, needing to know more about the cult we were apparently part of. There was no way she wouldnt. Especially not with me gone. Dizziness started to reach out towards me again, stretching across my skin. The sensation was creeping, tickling almost. It was trying to draw me in and take me back to that world, but I refused to let it. I couldnt leave the Academy. It was almost time. 7:59, according to the clock. In just one minute, Rodgers would appear and knock on the door, and I couldnt miss it. Id been waiting for so long. I batted the dizziness aside, feeling the slightest of stings shoot through the back of my head, as if Id been caught on a barb or a thorn. It disappeared within a second, though, quickly becoming nothing more than a faint memory of pain. The determination not to leave the world deadened it and made it too easy to ignore as my eyes found the clock again. 8:00. It was eight, and Rodgers was not there. Would he be late? I hadnt expected that. I thought, if anything, hed be there before eight. Thats why Id gotten up so early. The thought of him knocking and me still being in the middle of drying my hair or, worse, in the shower sent a wave of anxiety through me that was so strong I felt nauseous. But he wasnt early. He was going to be late. How long would I have to sit there and wait for A bang came from my door, and I leapt to my feet. My head whipped around, and I stared at the door, pressing one hand to my mouth and the other to my chest, trying to smother the loud gasp that had already escaped my lips and slow my racing heart. It was just a knock. Id been expecting that. It was probably just Rodgers. I knew that, but still, part of me was terrified to open the door. It begged me not to do it, to stay seated on the bed, or to run away, flee the world and never look back. It was quickly drowned out by my excitement, though. There was no way I was going to run away after looking forward to that moment for what felt like so long. Taking a deep breath and shaking my hands to try to stop them from trembling, I walked across the room, glancing at my reflection as I passed the mirror hanging on the inside of my open wardrobe door. The door handle was cold and slick in my grasp, but it opened easily. Good morning, Grace, Rodgers said with a smile. Relief gripped me as I stared at the familiar face. It had been a while, or it felt like it, but I knew him. I trusted him. Part of me just knew Id be safe with him there. Good morning, I replied. How did you sleep? Pretty well, thank you. I hesitated before adding, How did you sleep? It felt almost inappropriate to ask him that, and I wasnt sure why. It would have been rude not to. Like a log, he replied with a grin. Shall we? I glanced down the corridor in the direction that hed nodded as nervousness simmered in my stomach. Sure, I forced myself to say. Great, Rodgers said, stepping back so that I could join him in the corridor. You know, youre doing better than me already. My first night in the main building here, I didnt sleep a wink. I think I spent the entire time tossing and turning. I was exhausted in the morning. He laughed, and I made myself join in. I did a little too, I admitted, causing him to chuckle softly as we slowly made our way down the hallway. Noise came from some of the rooms around us; rustling, movement and occasional hushed voices. I had to fight not to constantly glance from door to door, anxiously waiting for someone to step out into the hall. They scared me, the rest of the trainees. I knew they were probably nice, like the others in the induction wing, but they were older and more experienced. They were actual spies, and we were nothing, really. Thats normal. Dont worry, it does get easier, Rodgers reassured me. In just a few days, I bet youll be sleeping properly. That would be good, I muttered. I didnt really know what it was like to sleep properly. Even in my real life, I didnt do it. I was used to not being able to get to sleep for hours or waking up in the middle of the night. The thought of sleeping for more than a few hours at a time felt so foreign and impossible. I bet. So, did you want to do the tour first or grab breakfast and then start the tour? Rodgers asked. You have a pretty relaxed day today, and we have plenty of time until the kitchens stop serving breakfast, so we can do either. Which would you prefer? I hesitated, unsure how to answer him. I wasnt hungry; I didnt tend to want food in the morning, but I knew that most people did. It was normal to have breakfast. I was too nervous, though. Eating would make me nauseous, and I knew that. Plus, the idea of being surrounded by so many people in the canteen terrified me. I wasnt sure how many trainees there were in the Academy, but I assumed it was a lot. Id have to do it at some point. I needed to eat sooner or later, and maybe it would be less scary with Rodgers by my side. Or maybe he wouldnt sit with me. Perhaps there was a separate teachers room or canteen. Maybe Id be left alone to face the rest of the students. But what if he hadnt eaten yet? Was that why hed asked? Was he hungry? Once that had occurred to me, I couldnt ignore it. It felt too rude and inconsiderate. Im not really hungry yet, I said, being careful to keep my tone even. But I dont mind going to the canteen now if you are. It was a lie, but it slipped out easily. I think I was just so used to pushing my own feelings aside to accommodate my mom. I could put up with how scary it would be for me if it meant someone else didnt need to suffer. Not that being a bit hungry was suffering. It was just the easier option for me. Rodgers cocked his head to the side, considering it. We can wait until after, he decided. If we get hungry halfway through the tour, we can always stop and grab a snack. That sounds good, I said. Wed almost reached the end of the corridor. We were so close to getting out of the dorms without seeing anyone, but we didnt quite make it. A clattering noise came from just in front of us, and I felt my chest grow tight as a door swung open. A girl with red hair and glasses, dressed in the same uniform as me but with big, over-ear headphones, stepped out into the corridor. At first, it seemed like she hadnt seen us, but then she looked up, and her eyes widened. Rodgers slowed to a stop as the girl fumbled to pull the headphones off. Hi, Rodgers! she said, her eyes darting towards me curiously. Morning, Georgie. How are you? he asked. I stood awkwardly, glancing between them and unsure if I should say something or introduce myself. The girl kept looking at me as if she wanted me to, but I wasnt sure. It was clear she and Rodgers knew each other. Theyd greeted each other by name, which made sense. He was a teacher, after all. I knew he hadnt been doing it long, but I assumed he must have taught her at some point. He probably wasnt just teaching in the induction wing. It made me feel a bit like I was with my mom, and shed run into a friend or someone she knew. I wasnt sure if she really had any friends. They were having their own conversation, and I was just expected to stand there and not interrupt. Pretty good, thanks. You? Georgie replied. Not too bad, thank you, he said with a smile before, to my surprise, looking at me. Im just showing Grace around. Shes the first of the new cohort to complete the induction period. The girls round green eyes flicked to me again, and she grinned. Oh, wow! Congratulations, thats such a huge achievement! she exclaimed. Welcome to the Academy! I returned her smile. Thanks! Its, um, nice to meet you. Its nice to meet you! she replied excitedly. Im a second year, R&D. Whats your specialism? 4.3 Make a difference I hesitated, unsure how to respond to Georgie. I had no clue what R&D was, and part of me wanted to ask her about it, but it felt wrong to admit I didnt know something. Maybe I should have already known it. Perhaps it was in the folder Id been given in the induction period, and if I admitted I didnt know, Id be thrown back in there. Shed asked me a question, too. She wanted to know what my specialism was, but I had no answer for her. I wanted to tell her the truth, but something was holding me back. Everyone who Id mentioned it to in the induction wing seemed so shocked. What if she reacted the same way? Surely, she would have been more used to how things worked in the Academy. Ms Brice had said it was rare for someone not to be given one, but it wasnt unheard of. The girl probably knew someone else like me. My eyes darted towards Rodgers, almost hoping that hed answer for me, but he just smiled supportively. The girl was still looking at me, waiting for me to speak. Her smile had fallen slightly, and I felt my anxiety spike. I dont have one, I said awkwardly. Georgies eyes widened, and she glanced at Rodgers for confirmation. You werent given one before you finished your induction? she asked, sounding confused. Oh did they change how theyre doing things now? Rodgers chuckled. Well yes and no. You know everything here is an ever-evolving process, he said. Grace is excelling in all areas, so they decided there was no need to start narrowing her options just yet. Georgie looked back at me, her gaze becoming appraising. Wow, she said. No wonder youre the first one out of the wing. I returned her grin, still feeling uncomfortable. She made it seem like Id done something really impressive, but I didnt feel like I had. Obviously, I was glad I had the chance to continue studying everything, but I hadnt really done anything to warrant the way she was looking at me. Yes, were expecting big things from Grace, Rodgers said, making me feel even more anxious. The idea of people watching over me and waiting to see what I would achieve was horrible. It terrified me because it felt like it was only a matter of time until I disappointed them, and then what? What would happen if I couldnt live up to the standard Id accidentally set? I wasnt even sure how Id done it. Id been trying really hard whilst in the induction wing, of course, but it seemed like everyone else had been too. There was nothing that made me stand out from the others, but clearly, Ms Brice and Rodgers had seen something. Theyd noticed something about me that made them think I could do more with my life, and I wasnt sure I believed that. Are you coming downstairs now? Georgie asked, looking between Rogers and me. I need to grab breakfast before mechanics. We are, Rodgers answered for us. Well walk down with you. Awesome! Georgie replied with a grin. We started to walk again, and Georgie fell into step beside us, fiddling with her headphones. Awkwardness grew within me, and I glanced up at Rodgers, hoping that hed say something to break the silence, but he didnt. So whats R&D? I asked, my need to say something outweighing my fear of sounding dumb. You dont know? Georgie gasped, her eyes widening comically. My eyes darted towards Rodgers, checking to make sure he didnt look angry or disappointed. Strangely, he seemed to be holding back a laugh. His lips were pressed together tightly, but the corners were twitching ever so slightly. Umm no. She is new, Rodgers reminded Georgie, his tone kind. Georgie slapped a hand lightly against her forehead. Of course! Sorry, I always forget that not everyone knows all of the acronyms, she told me. But dont worry. Youll get used to them soon! It stands for research and development! Oh thats cool? I guessed, still not quite knowing what she meant. I knew what the words meant separately, but I wasnt sure what they meant combined or how that related to what happened at the Academy. Georgie works on the new tech that we use here, as well as the stuff that our field agents take on assignments, Rodgers said, coming to my rescue. Yeah! she agreed as we came to a stop by the lift, and Rodgers pressed the button. I do a bit of everything from the first step. So, I do the initial research to work out what the problem is or what the tech needs to do before working out what similar options are already available and seeing if they can be tweaked to meet the needs or fit the briefing Ive been given. Thats a fun step, Rodgers muttered, glancing up at the small panel above us to check where the lift was. It had been moving towards us, but for some reason, it seemed to be going back down. Not that I minded too much. What Georgie was talking about was fascinating, and she was practically buzzing with enthusiasm. It is! So if theres nothing that can be adapted or used, I then start creating the plans and schematics before building, troubleshooting, and testing them out, she said excitedly. Oh, and then even more troubleshooting and bug fixes. Those are pretty much endless. She rolled her eyes at me before laughing, and I found myself joining in, even though I didnt really know what she was talking about. They feel it sometimes, Rodgers agreed as the lift finally arrived and the doors opened. But its much better to iron out all of the kinks in the lab rather than being out in the middle of nowhere and damn near being shocked to death by an earpiece that was meant to be waterproof. Georgie let out a laugh as she hurried into the lift, the noise slightly high-pitched and nervous. Yeah who would want that? she asked, the question sounding rhetorical. Sorry again about that. It was fine during all the tests! I should have tested it more rigorously. My eyes widened, and I stared at Rodgers. That had happened to him? Its fine, he said with a smirk, causing Georgie to look relieved. It barely shocked me. My heart didnt stop, so its all good. Youre right, Georgie agreed with a nod, her expression sombre. I should have upped the voltage. I know better for next time youre testing one of my products. Rodgers snorted. Exactly, he said dryly. Sara reckons itll be some kind of animal thatll kill me one day, but I reckon you can beat it to the punch. Ill try harder, Georgie said with a laugh before looking at me. I have a bet going with her anyway. Confusion washed through me as I looked between them. It was clear they were joking, but I was pretty sure hed been telling the truth about being shocked by one of her creations, and that seemed scary. How could they joke about him being killed after something like that had happened? Wait, what? Rodgers asked. Whats the bet? Ummmm was all Georgie said before trailing off. The lift dinged softly, and Georgie darted out as soon as the doors opened. Fine, fine, Ill ask her myself, Rodgers told her, gesturing for me to exit the elevator before him. Relief washed over me as I emerged into the bright foyer. Part of me had been worried that we were going to go to the underground floors that Rodgers had mentioned what felt like a lifetime ago. Instead, we were firmly above ground. Georgie hesitated, glancing around before nodding. Okay, good. See, this is why I could never be a field agent. I dont hold up well under interrogation! she cried as we stopped in the centre of the room. Rodgers laughed, but I barely paid him any attention. My focus was on the giant doors. I expected them to be closed. Theyd been shut and locked with thick metal bars the night before, but they werent. Someone had propped the doors open, and I couldnt help but stare out at the world beyond. Even though I hadnt really been trapped in the induction wing, Id been able to go back to reality and go outside, it did feel like I was seeing the outside world for the first time in weeks. The sight of the fountain in the centre of the driveway and the expanse of grass beyond it that seemed to stretch on almost forever, ending in a thick layer of trees, made my heart flutter. This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Id seen it before, of course. When Id been called into my meeting with Ms Brice and Rodgers, Id caught a glimpse of the grounds through the window, but it felt different. I was still locked in then. There was glass in between me and the outside world, but that was gone. If I wanted to, I could just walk out the door. Interrogation? Rodgers repeated, drawing my attention back to him and Georgie. I asked you one question! Exactly. It was a loaded question! How was I supposed to answer it? With the truth? he suggested. I cant! It would ruin the bet! Rodgers let out a dramatic sigh and lifted a hand to his forehead. What a discovery, he said in an overly morose tone. My wife has a bet going with her students on who can kill me first. My eyes darted towards Rodgers. He was married? And his wife was a teacher? Hed never mentioned that before, and he didnt wear a ring. I wasnt sure why I was so shocked by that revelation, but I was. Maybe it was because of how young he looked. He didnt look old enough to be married. No, Georgie argued, trying and failing to hide her grin. We dont want to kill you. Rodgers eyebrows rose. You dont? Well, thats reassuring to hear, he said, but it sounded sarcastic. Exactly! We just want to have the chance to test out the automated defibrillators weve been developing, Georgie explained. So few people volunteer to do it. She sounded genuinely disappointed about that, and I didnt know how to respond. It made sense. Surely, to test it, a persons heart had to stop, and I couldnt imagine that many people would be willing to do that. What if the defibrillator didnt work? Shocking, Rodgers said sarcastically. Yes, thats what were hoping for, Georgie agreed earnestly. Rodgers laughed and shook his head. Great. Why dont you show Grace what youve been working on? Oh! Georgie gasped before fumbling with her headphones and throwing her hand out in front of me. Look! I stared at the back of her hand for a moment, trying to work out what she was trying to show me. There was nothing there, though. I couldnt see anything apart from her skin. Umm what exactly am I meant to be looking at? I asked after a few seconds. Georgies face lit up. Exactly! she exclaimed before picking at her hand, seeming to pull the skin away, revealing a thin, stretchy layer of flesh-coloured material. Oh, wow, I breathed as I leant closer, scrutinising the plaster. That was what it looked like. It had been entirely invisible before shed peeled it, blending seamlessly into her skin. The underside was lined with what appeared to be flat wires and dull metallic circles. It was unlike anything Id ever seen before, and it looked like it should have been in a computer or phone, not attached to a person. Its pretty cool, right? Georgie asked. Its a biofeedback sensory. It doesnt show up on metal detectors or any other scanner we have access to, and it can be worn for weeks at a time before needing to be replaced! Oh, and it utilises the existing transmitters in modern smartphones, meaning no additional tech is needed! She seemed so excited to be explaining it to someone, and I smiled, even though I didnt fully understand what she was saying. Awesome. Whats it used for? I asked, hoping the question wasnt too stupid. Judging by Georgies smile, it was a good enough question. It basically just keeps track of things like a persons heart rate, location and stress levels, so its really useful when someone is in the field! And it transmits it all back to the GSOD in pretty much real-time, so we know straight away if a person is killed or injured or might need backup. Oh, that sounds really important, I said. It is! We hope, anyway. Its not quite perfect yet, she muttered, frowning as she smoothed the device back onto her skin. Even though I knew it was there, I couldnt really see it. If I looked really closely, there was something, a bit of a line around the edge when it hit the light, but I wasnt sure if I was just expecting it to be there and seeing things. Its almost there, though, Rodgers told me. Georgie shook her head. No, its not. There are still a few issues with it that I want to fix before we roll it out for wider testing, she said, her frown deepening. It gets clammy when exposed to salt water, and that makes it too noticeable. I need to figure out why sweat doesnt trigger that response and fix it. Youll get there, Rodgers said with conviction. I know. I have a review next week, and I want to at least work out what the problem is before then. I mean, I have a theory, but well see. Rodgers smiled supportively, but I just stared at her, blown away that someone who seemed to be not too much older than me was so accomplished. She was making devices that were helping people. It could save lives, and I was in awe. Part of me wished I could do something like that, but at the same time, the idea terrified me. It seemed like so much pressure, and what if something went wrong? I didnt want to hurt people like Georgie had with Rodgers. Keep at it, he encouraged. Its not the end of the world if you dont manage it before the review. Im sure theyll still be impressed with your progress. Maybe, Georgie muttered, her expression distant before she blinked. But, anyway, Im starving. Are you coming to breakfast now? No, well swing by after the tour. Dont take too long, or all the maple syrup will be gone! Georgie warned us. It was nice meeting you, Grace. Hopefully, Ill see you in the lab soon! Yeah, that sounds good, I said. It wasnt entirely a lie. I was fascinated by what she was working on, even though the idea of it worried me. Bye, she called, waving at us as she turned and walked away. Have a good day, Rodgers replied before looking back at me. Dont worry. Im pretty sure more maple syrup was delivered the other day. I hadnt been worrying about that at all. It wasnt something I ate very often. Granted, Id had it more often since being at the Academy, and it was nice on waffles or pancakes, but it didnt matter that much to me if I couldnt have it for some reason. But still, I felt the need to respond to Rodgers. He was clearly trying to reassure me, and it almost felt wrong not to agree. Oh, great, was the best reply I could think of. A smile tugged at Rodgers lips, and he gestured over his shoulder with his thumb. Shall we? Yeah! We started moving towards the doors, and I felt hope swell in my heart. Were we about to go outside? We were heading in that direction, and as we drew closer, I felt the touch of wind on my face. My eyes fluttered shut for just a moment, and a contented sigh escaped me. The breeze felt just as good as Id hoped it would. As you can see, Rodgers said, shattering my brief moment of peace, were not allowed to keep the front doors open. Its basically against every regulation, and as a tutor, I have to shut them whenever I see them left open. He rolled his eyes at me, and I glanced between him and the door, feeling panic flare within me. It was so small, so stupid, but I didnt want him to do it. I didnt want to be locked in again. Oh, really? I asked. Yep. Apparently, its a safety risk, he said, continuing to walk past the doors without making any move to shut them. I hesitated, looking at the doors again. How so? Anyone could just walk in, apparently, he said with a shrug. But Id like to see them try. The grin on his face confused and concerned me, and I glanced around the foyer again, unsure what I was even looking for. Why? I asked. The security measures, he answered simply. There are so many cameras, scanners, traps, weapons and whatnot scattered around the grounds, not to mention the ones in here. If someone manages to avoid all of those and get this far without someone stopping them, they deserve whatever theyve come here for. His tone was even and unbothered, as if he genuinely meant the words but assumed it was impossible, and I felt a shudder slip down my spine. It was both the idea of someone breaking into the Academy and the many security measures that hed mentioned that terrified me. Maybe it should have been reassuring, but I hated the idea that there were weapons hidden around the room that I couldnt see. How many were pointed directly at me? I didnt have an answer to that question. I couldnt see any. I couldnt even see any of the cameras hed mentioned, but there must have been some there. We were standing right in front of the doors, and it would have been stupid not to have some focused on that location. Rodgers turned and started walking towards the corridor wed taken the night before to enter the main building, but I couldnt move. I felt rooted to the spot, too scared to even take a step in case I did something wrong, and the security measures assumed that I wasnt meant to be there. Id be killed before I even had the chance to see the Academy properly. But if I were with Rodgers, Id be safer. Surely, the cameras or whatever there was in the foyer knew who he was. Theyd recognise him. I needed to stick close to him, and then Id be safe. He clearly knew more about the Academy. He properly knew where everything was and how to avoid triggering any of the weapons. I hurried to catch up with him, my eyes darting around as I tried to check to see if hed noticed my hesitation whilst also watching my surroundings for any sign of an impending attack. But thankfully, no attack came. So, Rodgers said, making me jump and look back at him. I thought wed start by checking out the rooms on this floor before heading to the subterranean levels and then the points of interest in the grounds. How does that sound? Distant anxiety nibbled at me, caused by the mention of the underground levels, but I pushed it away. Id need to visit them at some point, I assumed, and that meant Id need to get over my fear at some point. Perhaps they werent that bad, I tried to reassure myself. They probably werent as dark and claustrophobic as I was imagining. Yeah, that sounds good, I said, pausing as Rodgers pulled open a heavy-looking door. Fantastic. I know you dont have your schedule just yet, so Ill just show you everywhere, and then once its ready later, we can do a quick refresher, he said. I wasnt sure if the mention of my schedule made me more anxious or excited. I wanted to start classes, obviously, but they also terrified me. Oh, great, I replied somewhat convincingly. Rodgers snorted. Dont worry. Youre going to love it here. It might be a little overwhelming and intense at first, but I mean, its better than life out there. At least here, you get to focus on things that actually interest you. You can make a difference to the world and help protect pretty much everyone who lives in this country. Hell, sometimes youll even be helping others who dont live here. How many people have that kind of opportunity? I stared at Rodgers as conviction started to build in my chest. Somehow, he seemed to know exactly what to say. His words soothed some of my anxiety, and I felt my posture straighten as something began to form in my stomach. He was right. The Academy was better than my regular life, and I wanted to do that. I longed to make a difference and change the world. It wasnt something Id really thought about before. I wanted to help people, of course. I wanted to make things better and to protect others, but that was as far as Id gotten. Id never thought beyond that, considered how I could make it happen, but that didnt matter anymore. Id been given an opportunity. It had been handed to me, and I refused to waste it. 4.4 Lacking My head was spinning. The sheer amount of information, of knowledge, I was soaking in was overwhelming, but it wasnt enough. Rodgers had talked almost constantly, explaining every single room, every single place we passed, and I tried to commit it all to memory. It was impossible, and I knew that. Rodgers had even told me that he didnt expect me to remember everything, but I wanted to. It was all so fascinating. I felt like Id learnt so much about the Academy and how things worked there, but I had even more questions. I longed to ask them all, but it was impossible. It felt like there wasnt enough time in the world for me to do that, even if I somehow found a way to phrase what I wanted to know. They werent fully formed questions. They were just vague things that I was curious about, and whenever I tried to put them into words, I was distracted by something new. I wished we could slow down and explore the Academy properly. Rodgers wasnt rushing me. He wasnt walking fast or brushing over things, but that didnt matter. We could take all day, spend hours in each place, and it still wouldnt be enough. There was so much more I wished to see or to go back to. The greenhouse, in particular, was calling to me. It was attached to one of the classrooms upstairs, and the moment I set foot in there, I wanted to stay there forever. It was so fresh, and it smelt like the outside world. The wonderful earthy aroma of damp soil hung thickly in the air, similar to the scent of the greenhouse in the induction but much more intense. We turned a corner, and I looked around, turning my head as I tried to take everything in. One side of the wide corridor gave way to rows of bookshelves, dotted with strange, large glass egg-shaped things. What are they? I asked, staring at one. It was huge, almost reaching the high ceiling and easily large enough to hold a few people. A private study pod, Rodgers said, slowing slightly. Do you want to go have a look? There was a desk and a chair inside, I realised as we reached the end of a row of bookshelves and got an unobstructed view of one of the pods. There was nothing else, and that felt weird. There were other tables scattered around the library space. I could see them. The pods seemed almost unnecessary. As I hesitated, unsure whether to say yes or not, I spotted someone walking towards the nearest pod. My eyes were fixed on them as they pulled the door open and stepped inside. The moment the door shut behind them, the walls turned opaque. It was almost like magic. Oh, I breathed, causing Rodgers to laugh softly. Yeah, theyre pretty cool, right? he said. You can programme them basically however you want, so if you want to be able to see out, you can, but if you want to just have white walls all around you, you can do that too. Im not really a fan of that, though. I glanced at Rodgers before looking back at the pod. Youre not? I asked. Nah, its kind of intense. I always preferred to just study in my room or out here. I nodded. That makes sense. Rodgers smiled before cocking his head towards one of the other pods. So you want to go have a look at one? he asked. I swallowed, glancing at the others. I could only see the top part of them over the shelves, but some were opaque. There were people inside them, and that made me uncomfortable. Maybe there were people in all of the private study pods, and Id be disturbing them by going and having a look. Even if the pod was empty, someone might be walking towards one just as I did. Theyd have to wait for me to stare blankly around it before they could use it, and the mere thought of that made my stomach churn uncomfortably. No, thats okay, thanks, I said. Ill have a look another time. Are you sure? Rodgers asked. We have time. I looked towards it again before shaking my head. Its alright, I told him, pausing before adding, How do they work? Like, how does it go from clear to not? Rodgers cocked his head to the side as he started walking again, and I joined him, waiting for him to answer. Huh. Honestly? I dont know. Ive never really thought about it too much before, but Ill find out for you. His words shocked me, and I just stared at him for a second, unable to respond. The fact that hed so freely admitted that he didnt know something took me by surprise. It wasnt the first time hed done that, but it was still weird to me. In a good way, but weird nonetheless. I was too used to my mom, who would never admit she didnt know something. Thanks, I said, finally finding the words. Ah, not at all. I like learning, and Ive never looked into it before. I bet the answer is something really simple, though, he replied, his expression thoughtful. Do you want to have a look around the library at all? Thats pretty much all thats on this side of the floor. I looked around, my eyes finding the lift at the end of the corridor. As tempted as I was to explore the library, I was also torn. I knew that we were almost finished with the underground levels, and then Rodgers had said that wed go outside, which I was even more excited about. The books were tempting, but I knew I wouldnt be able to read any of them immediately. They could wait. Mmmm, I dont think so, I said, only a hint of reluctance entering my voice. Rodgers must have heard it because he chuckled. You sure? Youll have the chance to look around another time if not, he promised. Obviously, its never locked, so you can just come down whenever or in between classes. Oh, really? I said. Cool. We can keep going for now, then. A smile came over Rodgers face as we approached the lift, and he pressed the button. Great. Theres not too much more to go down here anyway. There isnt? I asked, watching the number on the screen above the door drop lower. Ive not seen the GSOD yet, have I? Is that down there? I was pretty sure we hadnt gone past it, but I couldnt be certain. Maybe Rodgers just hadnt shown it to me because I wasnt allowed to see it for some reason. That would make sense. Id passed the induction period, but I hadnt done any of the training or anything. Perhaps I had to do that before I was allowed in. It is, Rodgers said, interrupting my thoughts and proving them wrong. Theres not too much else down there. Just the GSOD, their lounge and snack room, and some storage. We used to have a lab down there too, but there was an incident. Rodgers grimaced and shook his head slightly, but the lift arrived before I could speak. I hurried after him into it, staring at him. What happened? I asked as the doors closed behind us. There was a slight explosion. A really small one! No one was hurt, and they were barely even injured, he seemed to insist. But it distracted the GSOD workers, and some had to be evacuated, so Rodgers trailed off. Ah, I said. That doesnt sound good? It was not. We have operatives in the field at all times. They need to have constant access to the analysts should something come up, and they didnt that day, he said with a shrug. Sure, there are other GSODs they get routed to if their call isnt answered within a certain amount of time, but its not the same. That makes sense, I muttered, unsure what else to say. I didnt know there were other GSODs. It made sense. If there were people on assignments at all times, they needed to be able to talk to people in case of an emergency. There had to be a backup or something. Plus, there were other Academies. I was pretty sure someone had mentioned them before, so it made sense that there were other GSODs too. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! The lift dipped lower, and I felt my stomach drop. My eyes darted towards the screen, watching the number slowly move as we approached the lowest floor. It felt like it was taking too long. I could feel the lift moving; I knew we were dipping further into the ground, but the number was not changing quickly enough. How far underground were we? The thought seemed to come out of nowhere, and it made my chest clench as panic sparked within me. I didnt know the answer, but it felt like wed travelled deep under the surface, and I hated it. I hadnt felt claustrophobic before that point; somehow, it hadnt hit me, but as I stood in the lift, slowly dropping lower, I felt my breathing start to speed up. If something happened, if something went wrong, wed be trapped. There would be tonnes and tonnes of rubble above us. Wed be stuck under all of it and unable to get out. No one would even know we were there. The Academy was a secret. Surely, there were people who did know about it, the government or something, but what if they couldnt get to us? Then what would happen? I forced myself to take a deep breath, my eyes darting towards Rodgers. His eyes were fixed on the screen as he waited patiently for us to reach the floor, seemingly unaware of the frantic energy that pounded in my heart. I clenched my hands together behind my back, wanting to hide how much I knew they were shaking from him. I didnt want him to know how scared I was all of a sudden. It would make me look weak, and that wasnt acceptable. I couldnt avoid visiting the GSOD or other underground rooms all the time. Most of the classrooms were down there, so I needed to get used to it, and I knew it, but it felt impossible. I was too scared, too overwhelmed. Ah, here we go, Rodgers said as the lift came to a smooth stop, and the number on the screen finally became a three. He grinned at me, his expression somewhat excited, and I forced myself to return the smile. I was terrified that hed noticed how strained it was and ask me if I was okay, but he didnt seem to notice. Or, if he did, he was kind enough not to say anything. The doors opened, and I felt my mouth drop open. My worry, my panic, was pushed from my mind as I stared at the corridor ahead. I hadnt been sure what to expect. The floors above us had been light and airy despite being underground, but the third subterranean level was like something out of a science fiction film. The long corridor was lined on all sides with thick glass walls, and I stared into the rooms on either side as we started to make our way towards the doors at the end. Both rooms were filled with rows of people, all facing a wall lined with computer screens. Each one was showing something different, and I turned, trying to work out what was on them, but they didnt make sense to me. They seemed almost random, and some appeared to even be playing cartoons. People werent even looking at those screens, though. Each person was seated behind a large desk with multiple monitors in front of them. Their eyes seemed to flit back and forth without hesitation, like they were able to keep track of whatever was happening on each of the screens at once, which seemed impossible to me, but maybe they could. It was intense. That was the main thing that surprised me. I wasnt sure what I expected from the Global Security Operations Department. Perhaps I should have known it would look like that, but I didnt. It was just so much more I wasnt sure how to finish that thought. The rooms looked like the people inside should have been watching a spaceship launch. That was the closest example I could think of. Id seen it in movies and news clips before. It seemed almost identical to the control room at NASA, and that felt strange to me. But maybe it made sense. Rodgers had said they had people on missions at all times, and I realised as I stared into the room that I didnt know how many there were. How many spies did the Academy have in position at any one time? Maybe they needed that many people to keep track of them all and to be constantly scanning the information they were sending in. Or perhaps they were preparing for upcoming missions, gathering intel, and preparing briefings or something. Movement above me caught my attention, and I looked up, my eyes finding the cameras on the ceiling. There were so many. Each one was evenly spaced, and as I watched, I realised they were all moving constantly. It was so small, so fluid. Each camera turned, rotating slightly as we continued along the corridor, keeping us in their focus. They were watching us, tracking our movements. Not, not ours. Mine. Somehow, I knew that they were focused on me and not Rodgers. They knew who he was. Hed worked for the Academy for ages. I wasnt sure how long exactly, but I knew it had been a while. Hed trained there, after all, but I was new. I may have passed the induction period, but I was unknown. My breathing was unsteady, and it was difficult to make myself keep moving. The thought of so many cameras watching me filled me with panic. It wasnt just the knowledge that I was being watched or that there were probably weapons pointing at me. I knew they were. If the foyer had been filled with traps and other security measures, I had to assume the corridor leading to the GSOD was as well. There was something else, too. Another reason that I was so frightened. A memory clawed at me, flashing before my eyes. A pastel blue wall, unmarked doors, and an endless row of carefully positioned cameras, all pointing at me. Shadowy figures waited behind the screens, watching as I tried to escape, monitoring my struggle and making notes, just like the people in the rooms on either side of me. The hospital. The corridor leading to the GSOD reminded me too much of the hospital Id been in. The one where theyd experimented on me and drugged me, and I still didnt even know why. I had no clue what they wanted from me or why they were keeping me there, but they were. I couldnt leave. I could never leave, just like the Academy. I was too far underground. I wouldnt be able to get out before they stopped me. Was the hospital underground too? The windows hadnt looked real. They were fake. Perhaps they were nothing more than screens attached to the walls far underground. Maybe it was in the same building as the Academy. There could be more floors below us; more people trapped in an endless waking nightmare, just waiting for death to claim them because it was the only way out. No. I squeezed my hands into fists as dizziness pulled at me. I wasnt sure if it was trying to get me out of that world and back to reality or to drag me back into the world where Id been locked in the hospital, but I refused to let it. I wasnt there anymore, anyway. Somehow, I knew that. Id found a way out. Rex, the person or whatever they were that Id called for, had helped me escape. They got me out. Which one shall we go for? Rodgers muttered, coming to a stop at the end of the hall. Trying to breathe evenly and calm my racing heart, I looked around. I was not in the hospital, I told myself. I was in the Academy. Safe. There were three doors, I realisedone on either side leading into the GSOD rooms, and one at the end of the corridor. The doors to the GSODs were clear glass, but the other one was frosted. I couldnt see through it. Concern leapt in my heart at that realisation, but I batted it aside. That didnt mean anything. A frosted glass door didnt necessarily mean that they were hiding whatever was behind it. It just meant something else. I wasnt sure what, but it could have been anything. There wasnt a lock on the door, anyway, so if they were trying to hide something, it wasnt exactly secure. My eyes flicked between the GSOD doors. There were no locks or places to swipe a card or anything on them either. Should there have been? It seemed weird that there was nothing stopping people from just being able to walk in. Um, I said as Rodgers reached towards one of the doors, unable to stop myself. Why arent there any locks? It should have been more secure, shouldnt it? If it was so important, so necessary to the agents in the field, surely there should have been something more to keep people out. Rodgers glanced back at me, a smile on his face. Good question, he said cheerfully. And the answer is fairly simple and has multiple parts. We trust the trainees here, so they can come and go as they please. Some people like to familiarise themselves with the rooms before they start working here, so we dont like to limit their access. Plus, everyone here is highly vetted and checked, so the chances of anyone trying to access the rooms for nefarious purposes is very low. That makes sense, I replied. Im glad. Its not zero, of course. Its impossible to make the odds that low, unfortunately, but we do what we can to make sure they are as close to it as possible, Rodgers continued in the same upbeat tone. But if you were wondering about it for more of an if people were to break in or if there was an attack or natural disaster kind of approach, thats not really a worry for us either. There was a sparkle in his eyes as he looked back at me, and I was equally intrigued and concerned. Why not? Security measures. The glass here is ballistic and able to endure considerable force, but also he paused for a moment as he pushed the door to the room on the left open and pointed up at the roof. Do you see that? I looked up, staring in the direction that hed pointed as music washed over me. At first, I wasnt sure what I was looking at. Around the ceiling at the edge of the room was a strange contraption. It seemed like a folded metal barrier of some kind, hovering above us and waiting to drop, sealing us inside. What is it? I asked softly, aware that people in the room were looking at us. Another security measure, Rodgers said simply. Should anything happen to the Academy or if there is a significant threat, the rooms are capable of being completely sealed off whilst still having access to electricity and the internet. Theres enough food and water inside to sustain a full shift for two weeks, and the shutters are capable of withstanding pretty much anything people can throw at them. Theyve undergone rigorous testing. It was very fun. Rodgers grinned at me, and I did a double take. You tested them? I asked, shocked. I did, he confirmed. The old system down here was lacking, so about five years or so ago, it was all replaced. They wanted to do a test run and make sure they were effective before they rolled them out nationwide, so we did a drill. Oh. Not an actual drill, Rodgers corrected himself quickly. A training exercise. I threw basically everything I could at it, and it was fine. Thats good, I said, unsure what else to say. Rodgers grin widened. Oh, it was. You know, I did actually use a drill for part of it. Just a small jackhammer. It was pretty much impossible to get the angle right, so I couldnt find purchase. It was more frustrating than anything else, he said with a laugh. But enough about that. Follow me. He turned away and started walking into the room, and I hurried after him. My eyes darted from screen to screen, trying to see everything whilst also avoiding the gaze of the people working in the GSOD. Most of them seemed to be trainees too. They werent much older than me. There were a couple of adults there, like the guy sitting behind the desk at the back of the room, but it was mostly kids. I had no idea what they were looking at, though. The screens were a mixture of endless rows of text, pictures, CCTV footage, and the system that I vaguely remembered being shown while on the bus, the one that was designed to look like a simulation game but could be used to send information back to the GSOD. The concept of it had fascinated me before, and seeing someone actually use it was Darren, hows it going? Rodgers called as he approached a boy who looked up from his computer screen. 4.5 It wouldnt be a Thursday morning without a bomb scare. Pretty good, thanks. Another quiet night, the boy replied, his words dripping with sarcasm. Something must have happened overnight, but I had no clue what. Immediately, the need to know started to pull at me, and my eyes scanned the screens around the room, searching for any information that might indicate what had occurred. It was hard to know what was related to whatever had happened and what wasnt, though. I didnt want to stare at anything for too long either, just in case it was something I shouldnt be looking at. Ah, but of course, Rodgers said with a smirk and a slight shake of his head. This is Grace, by the way. Shes from the latest cohort. A look of pleasant surprise appeared on the boys face as he glanced at me. Oh, no way. I didnt know anyone was out yet? he said before holding his hand out to me. Im Darren, third year intelligence analyst. Hed introduced himself the same way Georgie did, I realised. Part of me wanted to follow the same pattern of using my name and specialism, but the idea of having the same conversation about the fact I hadnt been assigned one was exhausting. I couldnt bring myself to do it. Im the first one out of the induction wing, I explained awkwardly, taking his hand. Its nice to meet you. It felt strange to shake hands with someone who was around my age. It was such a grownup thing to do. Only my grandparents friends or colleagues ever really shook my hand, and I wasnt sure what to make of it, but Darren smiled at me, pushing those thoughts away. Is Brice down here? Rodgers asked, looking around the room. I heard she came back last night and thought wed say hello before continuing the tour. Oh, yeah. She landed about an hour or so ago, but Darren hesitated, glancing towards the wall at the back of the room. Shes in a briefing now. Rodgers winced. Oof, hows it going? he asked. Darrens expression mirrored Rodgers, and I glanced between them, trying to work out what was going on. Im not sure. Shes not been out since the briefing started, but she was pretty disappointed when she got in. A flare of panic sparked in my heart as fear shot through me. It was stupid, and I knew it was, but I couldnt help worrying that it was my fault she was in a bad mood. I hadnt done anything to warrant disappointment, though. Not really, at least. Maybe shed seen how much of a mess Id been during the night. I should have been happy. Id finished the induction period and been the first in my cohort to do so. That was something that should have been celebrated, but instead, I spent the entire evening lying in my bed and trying not to cry. I was plagued by loneliness, and that was ridiculous. If she knew, she would have been disappointed. But surely, there was no way for her to know. I hadnt seen any cameras in my room, and although I knew they could have been hidden, it didnt seem right. They wouldnt hide cameras in our bedrooms, would they? We got changed in there, and the idea of them recording that or watching it felt so wrong. Im not surprised at all, Rodgers said, his tone grim. Are the boys okay? A ping came from Darrens screen, and he looked away, reading the notification that popped up before disappearing too quickly for me to read. No. Not really, he said with a shrug as he looked back at us. But they will be. Im pretty sure theyve already got them booked in with the therapists, so theyll get there. Itll just take time. I think Nestors organised for them to have some more shadow shifts before they work alone again too. Thats a good idea, Rodgers said, glancing at the back of the room before calling. Hey, Nestor. Hows it going? The man looked up, his expression exhausted. No deaths, was all he said before returning to whatever he was looking at on his computer screen. I felt my eyes widen. What had happened overnight? And was it normal for that guy to talk like that? He was a tutor, I was pretty sure. I couldnt think of any other reason why an adult would be there, but the way he spoke was so informal and blunt. He didnt even look at me, either. I wasnt sure if he even knew I was there. Well thats good, at least, Rodgers muttered. Its probably not the best time to interrupt her, I dont think. We can always swing back later once she gets out of the meeting. Ill log the request now so she knows. He glanced at the back wall again before pulling a device out of his pocket, and I stared at it in confusion. At first, I thought it was just a normal phone, but something about it was different. There was a chunky rubber case on it that made it look even larger than it was, but even without it, I was pretty sure it was both thicker and wider than any phones Id seen before. The screen was weird too. I was standing next to Rodgers and should have been able to see it perfectly, but it looked blank. It was entirely black, but he was typing. He must have been able to see something even if I couldnt. Another noise came from Darrens computer, and a groan slipped out of his mouth, distracting me. Not again, he grumbled, dropping his head back. Whats going on? Rodgers asked, fighting a smile as he slipped the device back into his pocket. Ive been getting these damn messages all night, Darren complained as he hovered his mouse over the notification. This is the eighth one tonight. A laugh escaped Rodgers mouth. Oh no. How long have you got left on your shift? Twenty-nine minutes, Darren replied, seemingly without even glancing at the clock at the bottom of his screen. He let out a heavy sigh before clicking on the alert and pulling it up. I hesitated before glancing at the message, concerned about what it would contain and if I would get into trouble for reading it, but it didnt matter. It wasnt in English or any other language that I could read. I was pretty sure it was Russian. Rodgers leant forward, resting a hand on the back of Darrens chair as his eyes flicked back and forth. Ah, he said. We should probably leave you to handle this. You got it under control? Yeah, yeah, Darren replied without looking away from the screen. Its just a jumpy field agent who thinks every scrap of metal they find is either a bomb or radioactive or He trailed off as he clicked on the picture that had been attached to the message, pulling it up, and I stared at the blurry image on the screen. It was hard to tell what I was looking at, but both Rodgers and Darren cocked their head to the side before Rodgers let out another laugh. Well they might just be right about this one, he chuckled. Are you comfortable dealing with this by yourself? I mean, I know you have Nestor here, but I can stick around if you dont want to bother him. Darren rotated the image before clicking through to the next one and sighing heavily. No, its okay, but thanks. Ive got this, he said, looking away from the screen for just a moment. It wouldnt be a Thursday morning without a bomb scare, huh? Wait it is Thursday, right? Rodgers hesitated before speaking. Yeah, Im pretty sure it is. Great, Darren said with a smirk, which Rodgers returned. Alright, call if you need anything, but Im sure youll be fine, Rodgers told him. Thank you. It was nice talking to you, Grace. Welcome to the chaos! His tone was warm and kind, brimming with laughter despite the picture of a bomb on his screen, and I wasnt quite sure how to react. He seemed so used to dealing with things like that, as if it actually was something that happened every week, and that scared me. Were there that many bombs just out there in the world for field agents to find? We were young, still kids. Surely, actual agents, adults, should be the ones to deal with those. The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Thanks, I responded as Rodgers turned and started to lead me out of the room. Goodbye, Grace, called a voice as we reached the door, and I looked back, startled to hear someone say my name. My eyes scanned the room, searching for whoever it was that had spoken. I have no idea who it could have been; I didnt know anyone else in the GSOD or the rest of the Academy. Everyone I knew, apart from Ms Brice, was in the induction wing, and I knew it wasnt her. The voice had been male. Finally, my gaze found Nestor. He hadnt moved from behind the desk, but his eyes were now fixed on me. Shock washed over me, not only because he had spoken to me and clearly noticed that I was there but also because he knew who I was. Had he just overheard Rodgers introduce me to Darren, or was there another reason why he knew my name? Bye, I replied with an awkward wave, trying to hide how alarmed I was. Rodgers held the door open for me, and I ducked through it quickly, wanting to get away from the GSOD. It was fascinating but also terrifying, and I wanted to know why the tutor knew who I was, but I also didnt. Not knowing seemed like a better option. It would probably make me less nervous, anyway. Thats one of the security measures, in case you hadnt guessed, Rodgers said with a grin as he let the door shut behind him. Oh? I replied, unsure what he was talking about. Part of the job of the GSOD is to monitor the grounds of the Academy and make sure its safe, he told me. And thats part of why I feel so comfortable leaving the main doors open. There are people watching them at all hours of the day, and alarms go off if any of the proximity sensors are triggered, so the likelihood of anyone being able to reach us is pretty low. That makes sense, I said. Yeah. I mean, if someone wanted to get around them, theyd either need to turn enough of the people who work in the GSOD to be able to overpower and take out the rest before they can raise the alarm or find a way to completely disable it, Rodgers said, his tone thoughtful. Thats pretty unlikely, though. Its powered by multiple sources, and there are backup generators and safeguards in place to ensure that it doesnt happen. Did you want to have a look at the other room? The question took me by surprise, and I wasnt expecting it. My head was still spinning from the knowledge about the GSOD, and anxiety pulled at me. I knew it was unlikely, but I couldnt help worrying about someone or a team of people breaking into the Academy. I think I was just being paranoid, though. I just didnt want my time there to end. Umm whats the difference? I mean, why are there two rooms? Oh, this is the silent working room. Obviously, people still need to take phone calls and may need to talk occasionally, but they try to keep it to a minimum. Theres no music playing in the background, unlike the room we were just in, and its just a little calmer, Rodgers explained. I hesitated, looking through the glass at the people in the room. As much as I did want to see more of the GSOD, I felt a little bad about potentially disturbing people who were trying to concentrate. They might be dealing with bombs, like Darren, and by interrupting them, I could be putting people at risk. No, thats okay, I said quickly. It seems pretty similar to the other room. It is, Rodgers agreed. The noise is the only real difference. Alright, in that case, well just poke our heads into the lounge and snack room so youve seen it, and then well head topside. Howd that sound? Umm yeah, that sounds good. Rodgers smiled before throwing his weight against the door at the end of the corridor, the brace on his knee seeming to make it harder for him to push it open. I watched uncomfortably, not sure what to do. I wanted to help him, but the door was small. There wasnt enough space for me to push it open too, and I didnt want to make him uncomfortable by offering to do it for him. Hed probably say something if he needed me to help, wouldnt he? I was still struggling to decide what to do by the time hed managed to get the door open. He didnt move far from the doorway, though. He simply stepped to the side, still holding it, and nodded for me to go past him. I entered uncertainly, feeling my eyes widen as I took in the giant room. The back half of the space seemed to be used mostly for storage. Tables had been stacked to one side, reaching almost all the way up to the high ceiling. Chairs, filing cabinets, computer monitors, and endless boxes had been carefully fitted together, creating an almost impenetrable wall. There were no ropes or barriers or anything to stop people from approaching it, either. Whoever had put the stuff there seemed to just trust that everyone would stay away from it, and the few people in the lounge appeared to be doing so. My eyes roamed the room, taking in the small cluster of people seated on low, comfy-looking sofas. They chatted in hushed tones, occasionally glancing at the person sprawled out beside the group with a blanket pulled over them. There were a couple of other people seated at the tables on the other side of the room, a book or an iPad in their hands as they ate. The scent of soup, something rich and creamy, wafted towards me, and I felt my mouth water as I watched the girl carefully carry a cup away from the vending machine. Wow, I breathed as I finally noticed the wall of machines. There were so many there, and at first, I was excited by the sight. I wanted to go over and see what they all contained, but then anxiety hit me. They were too familiar, too similar to the machines that Id seen in the arcade with Dina. Actually, I was pretty sure the one on the end was identical to one of the ones there. It wasnt real, I tried to tell myself, but it didnt help. It didnt matter if it was the same machine; that didnt mean the Academy had anything to do with the floating island. Why would it be? There could be hundreds of that exact machine in the world, maybe even more. It was just a coincidence, nothing more. Theyre all free, Rodgers said, causing me to look at him. All of the food and drinks in the vending machines. People can just help themselves. I glanced back at the machines. That wasnt what I had been worrying about, but it was good to know. I wasnt sure if I had brought any money with me to the Academy, and I had no clue how to get some if I needed it. Was I meant to text my parents and ask them to send some somehow, or would the Academy give it to me? Thats cool. Yeah! I mean, I think its only fair. People work in the GSOD, and sometimes, they just need a quick snack or a drink. Obviously, they can go upstairs to any of the refreshment areas or the canteen, but they shouldnt have to, and they dont always have time for that, Rodgers explained. Its just easier for them to be able to pop in here and grab something without wasting any of their break. That makes sense, I agreed. Rodgers smiled at me. Are you getting hungry yet? You can grab something from one of the machines if you want, or we can just stop by the canteen on the way outside? I opened my mouth to reply, but a faint buzzing sensation came from my hand, distracting me. I glanced down at it, confusion building in me as I stared. There was nothing in my hand, but I had definitely felt it vibrate, and I couldnt work out why. Rodgers was still waiting for me to answer too. Im okay, I said distractedly. I can wait. Another buzz tickled my palm, and I felt myself pull back out of the world a little, barely hearing what Rodgers was saying to me. What was going on? My hand was empty. It had no reason to be vibrating, but it definitely was. I knew it was. Was I losing my mind? The question gripped me, sending my anxiety spiking as I felt it again. Dizziness began to pull at me, quickly followed by relief. I wasnt going crazy, I realised as I started to give in to the sensation. It was another world. I must have been holding something, probably my phone, and that had been going off. Glancing around the GSOD lounge and snack room one last time, I let the world slip away from me. White spots flashed before my eyes, and I could feel my heart pounding as the world spun around me. I tightened my grip on my phone, wishing there was something else I could grab onto. The room was moving so nauseatingly quickly that I felt like I was going to fall over, even though I could tell I was lying down. But the sensation faded quickly. I barely had time to panic before it began to recede. I pushed myself up, holding my breath as the movement caused my head to ache and the dizziness to return for just a second. There were three texts on my phone, all received in the last minute and all from Phoebe. Okay, read the first one. New update. I think Moms starting to change her mind. I stared at the messages, trying to work out what she was talking about. There were so many things that shed asked her mom for, and it could have been any of them. She wanted to get her ears pierced again. That was what shed been pleading with her mom about for the longest time. She already had two piercings in each ear, but she wanted another one at the top, and her mom hadnt agreed to it yet. That didnt feel right, though. It had been a while since shed asked about that last, and I felt like I was missing something. I scrolled up, scanning our last few messages before realising what she was talking about. A lobster??? I replied, a smile appearing on my face as I hit send. She was still obsessed with that YouTube channel where the guy had nurtured a lobster hed bought in a supermarket back to health, and I knew she must have been begging her mom to let her get one too. Yes! came Phoebes immediate reply. Shes stopped saying no and now keeps saying well talk about it when I get back, so that has to be a good sign, right? Its definitely more positive. I snorted softly and shook my head. Maybe, I typed back. Or maybe shes just trying to get you to stop asking? Eh, well see, Phoebe wrote. Hows it going there? Is your mom being okay? My fingers hovered over the screen as I debated how to reply. I wasnt sure what to make of how shed acted earlier. Shed been so nice, and that was a little concerning to me. I wanted to believe that it was a good thing, that shed seen how much the way her mom acted hurt her and didnt want to do the same to me, but I didnt quite trust that. Any time Id thought she was changing and would start treating me better in the past, my hope had always been crushed before long. Shes not been too bad, I texted before adding, Its kind of weird, actually. I hesitated before hitting send, trying to work out how to explain what had happened, but I couldnt quite put it into words. Shed been kind. Thoughtful, and that was so strange and unusual that it made me uneasy. Phoebe knew what she was like; she knew how my mom treated me, so I could have explained. She probably would have understood. Oh? Thats good, though? she replied. I mean, its better than her being an asshole. Hopefully, it lasts until you get back home. Yeah, I hope so, I started to type before freezing. My head snapped up, and I held my breath as I listened. There were footsteps. Id definitely just heard footsteps, but none had followed. Someone had started to climb the stairs before stopping. I waited, barely able to breathe as I strained my ears to pick up any more noise. Fear nudged at my heart, making me paranoid that my mom was somehow sneaking up the stairs without making any noise and would throw my door open any second. Finally, another footstep came from far away, accompanied by the squeak of floorboards. She, my mom or one of my grandparents, were still on the stairs. There were a couple that creaked when they were stepped on, but they were all fairly low down. Im just going to check on Grace, I heard my mom call, her voice taking on a cruel edge as she said my name. Shes meant to be packing, but you know what that child is like. 4.6 A million other worlds Panic flared to life in my heart. The cruelty in my moms voice was too familiar. It was the tone she usually used when she spoke to me or about me. I should have been used to it, expected it even, but I wasnt. Shed been so kind to me before; thoughtful and protective. It had taken me by surprise, and I should have known that brief moment of kindness and humanity was just a short-lived fluke, but I didnt want to. Part of me didnt, at least. There was a tiny spark of hope in my chest, a burning flare that wondered if it was real and the way shed just spoken was nothing more than an act. Maybe she was trying to cover for me again, to give me an excuse to stay upstairs and not have to be around my grandmother. I knew that wasnt the case, though. It broke my heart, but I was far too aware of it. My mom wouldnt change so drastically and so quickly. If it ever did happen, if she was capable of changing, it wouldnt happen like that. It would be slow, gradual. But I wasnt sure if it was even possible. Shed always acted pretty much the same way. There were a few moments where shed been nicer, more lenient towards me and less malicious, but it never lasted for long. My eyes found the piles of clothing on my floor, and my breathing caught in my throat. Id told Mom Id finished packing earlier. When she offered me the excuse of needing to pack, I said I was already done. She knew I wasnt. Shed seen the state of my room before we went out for lunch and to get the flowers, so she must have known it was a lie. Mom hadnt said anything at the time, but that didnt mean anything. If she thought Id just been sitting upstairs on my phone or something the entire time I was meant to be packing, shed be furious. Would she believe that Id just spent the whole time on social media or one of the language apps, or would she suspect something else? Shed search my phone. My heart pounded as I slipped off my bed and dropped onto the floor next to my suitcase, staring down at my phone. The messages from Phoebe were bad. Shed called my mom an asshole, and I hadnt defended her. If anything, it looked kind of like Id agreed with her, and the texts from Duncan I paused, glancing at the door and straining my ears to try and work out how far away Mom was, before looking back at the messages. I didnt want to do it. I didnt want to delete them, but I had to. If she knew what was going on, if she knew wed been flirting or that Id complained about her to Phoebe, it would be bad. No messages would look bad too, I knew that, but I could lie and say Ive mostly been messaging Phoebe using a different app. We did use other ones sometimes, so that was fine. Sadness squeezed my heart as I swiped across on the messages and deleted them before tucking my phone into my pocket. It was fine. They still happened. Duncan and I had still been flirting, and we were still planning to meet up. Just because the texts werent there anymore didnt mean it never happened. I tried to reassure myself of that, to tell myself that it was fine, but it didnt make things any easier. That didnt matter, though. I had more pressing things to worry about. My suitcase was still pretty much empty, and that had to change. Fast. Grabbing items at random, I began folding them as quickly as I could. It was frustrating, but if my bag was too messy, it would be obvious that Id done it in a rush, and that would be suspicious. But I had practice. Id packed quickly before. Many times, actually. That was what happened most of the time. I was always in a rush and left things to the last minute too often. It was a terrible habit, but it came in handy. Id managed to stuff a surprisingly large amount into the suitcase before I heard my mom reach the top of the stairs, her steps slow and deliberate. Was it intentional? Was she moving slowly to elongate the length of time that she was away from my grandmother, or was I just putting too much thought into it? I wasnt sure, but I forced myself to push the question from my mind as I reached for the next item. My fingers brushed against a hoodie, and I stared at it blankly as a realisation washed over me. I was being so stupid. Id just been grabbing whatever item was on the top of the pile, but that was the wrong way to do it. I needed to make it look like Id made a lot more progress than I had, and I should have been focusing on the bigger items. They took up the most space. I still had some time, though. Moving as quickly as I could, I folded the hoodie and pressed it into the bag before reaching for a cardigan and then a dress. The footsteps were drawing ever closer to my room, but I forced myself to ignore them and keep moving. It was working. It actually seemed to be working. The mammoth pile of clothing around me was shrinking, and Id already filled almost half of my suitcase. Maybe Id be able to avoid Moms wrath. Perhaps she wouldnt even search my phone, and I deleted the text for nothing. Well, not for nothing. Shed want to go through my messages at some point. I was just prepared, and that had to be a good thing. It would mean I wasnt caught off-guard. That I was ready. The footsteps neared my room, and I forced myself to slow down. It had to look normal. I needed to appear as though I was just packing, moving slowly and taking my time. My heart pounded, and my body screamed at me to keep racing, to grab handfuls of t-shirts and leggings and shove them into my other bag before my mom had a chance to throw the door open. It was hard, but I managed to avoid that urge. Watching out of the corner of my eye, I saw the door handle begin to turn and took a deep breath. But nothing happened. It didnt open or move any further. I paused, staring at it in confusion as I tried to work out what she was doing. It twisted the other way, and I barely had a chance to react before a loud knock sounded. My mouth fell open slightly. She never usually knocked on my door. I could probably count the number of times it had happened on one hand. Normally, she just threw the door open, hoping to catch me in the middle of doing something I shouldnt have been doing, like smoking or doing drugs. She always seemed a little disappointed when I wasnt. I wasnt sure how to react. I needed to say something, to tell her she could enter. If I took too long, shed get annoyed, and that would be bad. Quickly, I glanced down at the jumper I was holding, starting to fold it again as I called out to her. Come in. The door opened, and I glanced up at my mom. Concern started to pull at me as I fought the urge to stare. She looked different. Barely any time had passed since Id seen her last, probably less than an hour, but somehow, she seemed as though shed aged a decade. She looked exhausted, so weary, and guilt began to build in my stomach. What had happened? Was it just the result of being downstairs with her mom that had made her look so drained? I understood that. Sometimes, when my mom was being particularly bad, I felt exhausted after spending time around her, but I didnt think I ever looked quite so A weak smile appeared on my moms face, and her gaze focused on me for a moment before scanning the room, taking in the piles of clothing and half-filled suitcase. She didnt look annoyed, I realised as her eyes landed on me again. She should have been irritated or angry or something, but she was still smiling. It felt wrong. Something was wrong. The hairs on my arms began to stand on end as suspicion filled my mind. What if the reason Mom looked different was because she was? Maybe it was a different person, a different Mom? Was I in the right world? It was similar, so similar to my regular world. The bedroom was the same, I was pretty sure we were both wearing the same outfits wed been wearing earlier, and I hadnt noticed any real differences, but it would explain some things. That could be why Mom looked so old all of a sudden. Maybe it wasnt her parents whod caused it. Perhaps she was just older. Or maybe she struggled with insomnia in that world. Her parents could have spent our entire time in Scotland in the house with us, too stubborn to be driven out by the daughter they never wanted. That would explain it. I hadnt even considered I might be in the wrong world before then. Id just assumed that Id been pulled back to my regular reality, but I needed to check. That was the only way Id know for sure, but Id never really done that before. I didnt know how to make sure it was mine. Placing the now-folded jumper in my suitcase, I sent my mom a polite smile before reaching towards another piece of clothing and letting my attention fade away. Dizziness immediately tugged at me, trying to drag me back into the world where I walked across a field with Rodgers, but I couldnt let it. That wasnt what I was looking for, and although I really wanted to see the rest of the Academy, I couldnt. It would have to wait. The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. There were so many dizzinesses in my mind. Some were familiar; they called out to me, trying to tempt me into their spinning embraces, but I moved past them, ignoring their invitation. It was like I was wading through deep mud, surrounded by swirling whirlpools of a million other worlds. Each wanted to pull me in, to drag me down into their depths. The strength varied, as did the feel. Id never really considered that before. Every world had a different sensation, an ever so slightly different type of dizziness. Some were sharp. They made my head spin and feel as though it was being crushed, but others were lower. My stomach dropped as I passed a world before being catapulted into my throat as my vision blurred. The sensation was similar to a roller coasterone filled with sharp turns and unexpected drops. A few were familiar, though. I recognised them. Mitchs world, the one with the Academy, and another that crackled with electricity, reminding me of how it felt to pilot a flying ship through a storm cloud. Id only been in it briefly, just long enough to realise that I was the captain of a floating ship and working to bring down a ring of traffickers before becoming terrified of how mature and scary things were in that world. I hadnt thought of it since Id been pulled from the sky, but somehow, I was certain that Id identified it correctly. I moved further, my searching becoming slightly more frantic as the churning waters became more spread out. The place I was looking for wasnt there. Id know my home when I felt it; I knew that, but I couldnt find it. None of the worlds were solid enough. They didnt have the same reassuring weight that my reality did, and that could only mean one thing. I was already there. Hows packing going? my mom asked, pulling me back out of my mind. Almost overwhelming guilt crashed into me, filling me with shame as I glanced up at her, fighting to keep the grimace off my face. If it were real, if she were real, that meant she actually looked that. I should have been down there with her. Shed said I should go upstairs; shed given me the excuse, but I shouldnt have taken it. It was wrong of me. Weak. I knew how bad it was for her, how cruel her parents could be. I should have stayed down there and helped take some of the burden. When I was there, her mom alternated between insulting her and insulting me. It made it easier for her to deal with, I was pretty sure, and that just made me feel worse. Its okay, I replied, forcing myself to sound a lot more upbeat than I felt. Slowly, but Im just trying to make sure I dont miss anything. There was no real need for me to add that; I just felt like I had to. I needed to explain why I had barely done anything, and the need to fill the silence was too strong. Moms lip curled, but the expression appeared lacklustre. It seemed more of a deliberate but empty reaction rather than because she was feeling any kind of emotion or irritation. An act that she was forcing herself to play. At this speed, you wont be finished in time for us to leave in the morning, she remarked, but it had none of her usual bite. I wasnt sure how to respond. Normally, when she insulted me or made a snide comment, I either ignored it or apologised, but I wasnt sure which shed appreciate or expect more. Ill speed up, I guessed, hesitating before adding, Hows downstairs been? Fine, she replied, a hint of sharpness entering her tone. Indecision and guilt tore at me, making it impossible to remain silent. I might come downstairs for a bit. Mom just stared at me blankly, and I pressed my lips together as the urge to say something else, to explain myself, rose within me. It wouldnt help. There was no way I could tell her I wanted to go with her so she wouldnt be forced to deal with her parents alone. Well, not her parents. Just her mom. I could hear the blaring television from my room, so I assumed my grandfather was probably in the lounge. Why would you do that? Mom demanded. You still have so much to do up here, and Im not packing for you again. It was so tempting to point out that I couldnt remember the last time my mom had packed for me when we were leaving my grandparents house. She made it sound like it was a regular occurrence, something that happened every year, but it wasnt. It never really did. Still, there was a nagging sense of obligation that forced me not to back down. I had to help out; I needed to protect her. She was an adult, and I knew that, but it didnt feel right to let her shoulder her moms apathy and dislike alone. I could deal with it. I was used to it. Oh, I just need a drink, I lied. Moms eyes narrowed, and I knew shed seen through my words. I wasnt surprised. It didnt feel like a particularly convincing lie, and that had been a mistake. You should stay up here, she said, her tone becoming colder as she drew herself up. Im not sure why youd feel the need to come downstairs, but Im perfectly fine in the kitchen by myself. That was also a lie, and I knew it, but there was no way I could point it out. My mom was so defensive whenever it came to her parents, and I felt immediately on edge. I had to be careful, to choose my words well. If I didnt, it would make her even more angry. But I didnt know what to do. Part of me wanted to insist on joining her, to claim that Id left something in the pool room or double down and maintain that I was parched and needed a drink. The only other option I could think of was to back down and let my mom go back down to her mother alone. Shed be needled and picked at constantly until she became even more exhausted and worn down. I knew what I was going to do. There was no real debate for me, and that made my guilt so much more intense. My stomach ached, the gnawing pain so sharp that my hand twitched towards it before I could stop myself. Luckily, I managed to avoid actually touching my stomach. I caught myself just in time, pretending to just be smoothing out my dress. Moms eyes followed the moment, and I silently begged anyone whod listen to let her forget about it. I didnt want to do another pregnancy test. It was embarrassing enough the first time. I know, I said, looking down at the dress in my hands. Sorry. There was a pause, and I felt my mind racing. Would she accept that, or was she going to keep pushing and start a fight? I needed to apologise again and do better that time. I could be more sincere. That would help. Its fine, my mom sneered. I know youre more sensitive than I am. Mom and Dads remarks can be difficult for you to hear, but theyre only saying it because they love you and want you to be better. Theyre from a different generation. Thats how they show their love. I wasnt sure if she was explaining that for my benefit or because she was trying to make herself believe it. Either way, it didnt matter. I thought it was ridiculous. That wasnt how people should show that they love someone. No one should have to be insulted and belittled by someone who loved them. They should be supported and encouraged, shouldnt they? That was how Dad treated me. He was never mean or cruel to me. He was only ever nice, and he actually told me he loved me. That was how it was meant to be, wasnt it? It made me feel more loved than any of my grandparents actions ever did. I wasnt sure that they loved me, actually. I hadnt really done anything to earn it. Maybe that was why they did it. Perhaps Mom was right; they just wanted me to be better, but I didnt know how. I wasnt good enough. I was certain of that. I was lazy and unmotivated and never did any better than average in school. There were so many areas I needed to improve in, but it felt impossible. I wasnt even sure where to start, and their comments didnt help. They were never anything I could actually act on, or that would have a long-lasting impact on me. It was always petty. I know, I repeated, knowing how foolish it would be to say that to my mom. Good. You should appreciate that they care enough to want you to be better, she said firmly. I do. There was a slight pause, and I could feel my moms eyes burning into my face as I continued to pack, pretending not to have noticed her glare. Lots of people probably wish they had grandparents like yours to look out for them, she continued with just as much conviction. All of my classmates used to say they wished they were as lucky as I am. I couldnt help but glance up at her. It seemed like she actually believed that, but I knew it had to be a lie. There was no way people actually said that to her. If they did, they must have never met my grandparents, much less heard the way they spoke to Mom. Moms face gave no indication that she was lying, though. She appeared to earnestly believe her words, and I wracked my brain for a way to respond. Im not surprised. My mom continued to watch me, seemingly trying to work out if she needed to continue explaining how wonderful her parents were, before nodding slightly. I let out a silent sigh of relief. Okay, she said. Mom and Dad want to take us out for dinner tonight. Were going out in about an hour, so you should start getting ready soon. Oh, where are we going? Just the hotel, she told me with a dismissive wave of her hand. Make sure you do something with your hair and put some makeup on, for Gods sake. The bags under your eyes are not healthy. You need to stop eating so much rubbish and staying up so late on your phone! I longed to roll my eyes at her. Sleep never really helped the bruises under my eyes, and I generally ate pretty well, I thought. Plus, Id fallen asleep early the night before, and that had done nothing to make the bags less noticeable, I realised as I glanced across at the mirror. My eyebrows furrowed. I was already wearing makeup. I vaguely remembered patting concealer under my eyes, but it felt like a lifetime ago. Had it only been that morning, or had the days just blurred into one? So much had happened since then; Id done so much, and that made time feel more murky. Okay, I said. Ill wash my face and start getting ready in a minute. 4.7 Snap I picked at the salad before me, unable to bring myself to actually eat it. It was the same one Id had every single time wed gone to the restaurant in the hotel during the summer. Part of me was relieved that it was the last time we would be going there for a year. Theyd probably change the recipe a little bit before we went back. I hoped they would, at least. A waiter walked past carrying a burger, and I couldnt help but stare. It looked like it was the vegetarian burger that Id wanted to try since our first visit weeks before, and Id never gotten the chance to order it. It had been tempting, but every single time, my mother or my grandparents had been in such a terrible mood that I didnt want to risk bringing more attention to myself. Now, Id probably never get to try it. I looked down at the sad plate of leaves in front of me, trying not to look too dejected. It wasnt too difficult. I could practically feel the happiness rolling off my mom. She was almost vibrating with joy despite how cruel her parents were acting towards her. Well, it was mostly just my grandmother who was being awful. I couldnt work out if my grandfather was ignoring her or just eating his steak in silence. Mom was clearly thrilled that her parents had come back to see us off, even if it meant she didnt have time to finish scrubbing the house clean of any trace that wed stayed like she usually did. She normally stayed up almost all night before we left, cleaning every inch of it, even the rooms we barely used, but she couldnt do that with them there. Her mom had already commented on it several times. The way we lived, specifically my mother, was disgusting, apparently. It was disappointing to learn, she felt the need to point out, that my mom didnt grow out of being a lazy slob. My grandmother expected better from her despite how often shed apparently been let down in the past. It was hard not to roll my eyes at that, and I saw my mom wince at her words. She continued smiling, though. Throughout the entire drive to the restaurant and the meal, the smile only fell from her face for a couple of seconds, if that. Her happiness that her parents cared enough to come back seemed to overpower any negative feelings that they were causing. I was pretty sure that wasnt why they were there, though. It didnt make sense to me that they just wanted to see us again; that wasnt something that theyd ever done before, so there had to be another reason. It was probably just a mistake. That seemed more likely than a deliberate decision. Perhaps they thought we were already gone, ignored Moms texts and calls and only realised once it was too late for them to turn back. That made more sense to me. Maybe they didnt work it out until they got to the house and found all of our stuff still there. Then, they probably didnt want to have to make the long drive back to their other house, or perhaps they were just too stubborn to do it. We were going to be leaving before long, anyway. They might have realised that they only had to put up with us for twelve hours or so, and surely that wouldnt be too bad. It felt it, though. I couldnt wait to be away from them and the constant comments. My mom was bad, but she was nothing compared to her mom. I could deal with her. Plus, shed ignore me more at home. Shed have my dad to soak up some of her anger and irritation, and that always made things easier on me, even if things hadnt been that bad whilst wed been in Scotland. On the whole, shed been okay. I was excited to see my dad again, too. I missed him. And Duncan. Id get to see him again soon. Our date was in just a couple of days, and that realisation caused butterflies to take flight in my stomach. I was excited, obviously, but nervous too. That was normal, though. I was pretty sure it was. He was my friend, and wed been friends for so long. I liked him a lot, and I knew that I wouldnt really be nervous if it was a normal situation. If we were just planning to hang out like we usually did, Id feel basically no anxiety about it, but it wasnt. It was something more than that. Maybe. I was still not too sure. Hed definitely been flirting with me more since we scheduled our date, and I was flirting back, but I couldnt work out if he actually meant what he was saying. He was a flirtatious person. I knew that he was; he always had been, so maybe I was just reading too much into it, and hed be mortified to know I thought he might have feelings for me. Nausea pulled at me as my mind ran away. I could practically picture the look of horror on his face as he realised, the pity in his eyes. It made me want to curl up into a ball and let the ground swallow me whole. I wouldnt ever be able to face him again. Hed be kind about it; I knew he would, but it would be impossible for me to even look at him without having all of those emotions, the overwhelming embarrassment, grip my heart again. More wine? Honestly, Amanda. Youre going to drink the place dry, my grandmother remarked as my mom poured some into her glass. You are aware there are calories in drinks, arent you? That would certainly explain something. Mom lowered the bottle back to the table, her movements slow and deliberate. Yes, I am. Thank you, Mom, she said in a tight tone as she picked up her cutlery again, gripping it so tightly her knuckles turned white. My grandmother didnt reply. She simply sniffed pointedly before continuing to eat. I glanced between them, waiting for someone to say something, but the silence continued to stretch over the table. It would never happen, and I knew it, but I couldnt help wondering what would happen if my mom refused to let it continue. If she did something about the constant barrage of rude comments and insults. She hadnt continued eating yet. She was still just clutching her knife and fork, seeming to be trying to steel herself to do something. Probably to ignore her mom and go back to eating, but a stray thought crept into my mind. What would happen if she snapped? It wouldnt go well; I was pretty sure of that, but the idea still intrigued me. Dizziness started to pull at me, the feeling tempting yet wrong. I wasnt sure what about it felt off, but something just wasnt right. There was an edge to it. A sharpness that seemed unnatural. There was something strange about the world that was hovering at the back of my mind, and I needed to know what it was. The curiosity was too much. I couldnt stop myself from starting to give in and slipping into the world. I didnt allow myself to fall in completely, though. It felt too dangerous to do that. Instead, I let my awareness slowly grow, causing the world to become more solid, whilst staying slightly removed in case I needed to leave quickly. Noise. That was the first thing I noticed. Someone was screaming. It was sharp, shrill, and filled with fear. The sound should have scared or worried me, but it had the opposite effect. I could feel myself being dragged deeper, pulled into the world as it gradually came into view around me. I didnt know the woman who was screaming, I realised as I stared at her. She was standing at the edge of the room near a younger girl who clutched at her and sobbed. They were both looking at us, though. The woman was trying to cover the girls eyes, but she didnt seem to want to look away from whatever was happening to check where they were. She was mostly just covering her forehead. Grace, a voice that I knew belonged to my mother called. You should eat. I could barely hear her over the screaming, but I heard enough. She sounded different in that world. Her voice was a little lower than I was used to and much more restrained. Her expression was carefully controlled too. There was a smile on her lips, but it didnt reach her flat, cold eyes at all. There was a lump in my throat, I realised. It was thick, almost impossible to swallow, but I forced myself to do so before looking down at my plate. I wasnt holding my cutlery. Id dropped it at some point, but I couldnt remember why. It was hazy. Something had happened, and Id dropped my knife and fork in surprise, I was pretty sure. It shocked me. Moms eyes were burning into my face, though. I could feel them as I forced myself to pick them up and cut a tiny slice of lettuce, shoving it into my mouth before looking up. My eyes found my grandmother. She wasnt eating either. She was silent, her mouth agape and her face pale as she stared down at her hand. A gasp slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it, and I almost choked on my food. Is something wrong? my mom asked sharply. Panic pounded in my chest as I ripped my eyes away from my grandmother to look at my mom, forcing myself to swallow the lettuce in my mouth. It felt rubbery and impossible to get down, but eventually I managed it. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. No, no, I said, my voice coming out tight. Good. The restaurant was in chaos, I realised as I looked down at my plate, watching it out of the corner of my eyes. People had leapt back away from their tables. Some had rushed out of the room, but most were huddled at the side of the room, watching. All except our table. My mom continued to eat, seemingly unbothered by the screaming or what had happened. I waited until she looked away again, glancing down at her food casually as she speared another bite of the salad, before looking at my grandmother again. Blood was slowly spreading across the white tablecloth, and I didnt want to see where it was coming from, but I couldnt stop myself. My eyes found her hand, and the urge to vomit or run far away from the table slammed into me as I spotted the fork pinning it to the table below. What had happened, I asked myself as the world spun nauseatingly around me. I remembered a flash of movement, a flash of light as my grandmother reached for the bottle of wine. Shed said something, made a comment, and was trying to take it before my mom could drink it all. That was when my mother had struck. It had been quick, so fast my grandmother barely knew what was happening, and she couldnt react before the fork had been driven into the back of her hand, slamming it into the table. Shed snapped. My mother had finally had enough of the comments and insults, just like I wanted her to. I thought shed say something, tell her mom to stop or not to be rude, but I never thought she would do something like that. Amanda my grandmother started, finally finding her voice again, but my mother cut her off. If you say one more word, my mother said, her tone unchanged and calm, I will slit your throat with Dads steak knife. I saw my grandmothers eyes dart towards the knife, and I did the same. Mom would be able to reach it from where she was sitting. Easily. And after seeing what she had done to my grandmothers hand, I had no doubt that she would be able to do it. She would kill her mom without hesitation, and that terrified me. Where was my grandfather? I looked around, trying to be subtle as I did so. His chair was empty, and I couldnt see him anywhere, but there was no way hed just sit there and let my mom do that. If she tried to stab my grandmother, he would step in. Or did Mom know that? Perhaps she waited until he went to the bathroom, timing it perfectly so no one would stop her. Or did he run? Maybe Mom turned to him after stabbing her own mother, and he fled the room. It didnt seem like something he would do, but I wasnt sure. It was hard to know. I could feel my moms gaze boring into me again, and I met them fearfully. She held my eye for a moment before glancing pointed at the food before me, clearly telling me to do so. There was a warning in her expression, a threat, and I stabbed my salad blindly before shoving it into my mouth. Moms lips pulled up into another emotionless smile before she continued eating with the fork she had plucked from her mothers plate. Hers was already in use, after all. She couldnt exactly pull it out of my grandmothers hand to use. How could she possibly expect me to keep eating when my grandmother was so close and slowly losing so much blood? Someone had to do something. I had to But what could I do? What would Mom do to me if I didnt keep eating? The steak knife was so close. Would she use it on me? I dont know. There were so many people around the room watching us, too. The screaming lady had stopped; I couldnt see her anymore, but there were others. Other people stared at us in horror and fear, and I didnt know what to do. I couldnt do anything other than continue to eat. A pleased expression came over my moms face as I choked down another bite of my food, and icy fear slipped down my spine. She hadnt shown any remorse, I realised. No regret or concern. She was just cold. Detached. She seemed so unfazed by what had happened, and that terrified me more than what she had done. How could she be so unaffected by her own mothers pain? Was my real mother capable of that? If she snapped, could she really hurt her mom and not care at all? Was it only a matter of time? Shed been violent before. Id seen her punch the wall and throw things, but that was different. All of those times, shes been angry or upset. Id never seen her so calm. Oh no, she muttered to herself, a hint of concern entering her voice as she poured the last of the wine into her glass. I think were going to need to order another. That was the most bothered shed sounded all evening. It was as if that was her biggest worry, not what she had done. I couldnt do it. I couldnt stay in that world, sitting there and watching Mom pretend that nothing had happened until the police arrived. It was only a matter of time. Someone must have called them already; they had to be on their way. I needed to leave, to go back to my world and hope my real mom would never snap like that. I wanted her to do something, but that was too much. It was too far. A silent, shaking breath slipped out of my mouth as I watched Mom take a long sip of her wine. Her eyes fluttered shut as she savoured the taste, seeming to enjoy the moment much more than she should have. I had to go. The dizziness found me quickly, fear making it easier for once, and the world began to fade around me. I hesitated for just a moment, glancing around at the crowd who were huddled against the walls. Something had prompted me to do it, but I wasnt sure what. They seemed normal. Their reaction to the situation was completely normal. Everyone looked scary, terrified of what my mom had done. All except one woman. She didnt look scared at all. In fact, she was smiling as she looked at my mom. A slight shudder rushed through me, and I blinked as I looked around again. The restaurant was no longer in chaos. There was no screaming, no blood, and people were still seated. They werent even looking at us. I was back in reality. The world was a little unsteady, though. The colours seemed a little faded, less vibrant than they should, but I could tell it was real. My grandmother was unharmed, too. I was relieved to see that. And my mother didnt have that detached expression on her face. Instead, the forced smile was still pulling at her lips. Relief washed over me, but it didnt last long. I assume youll be setting off early tomorrow, my grandmother said, her tone pointed. It was like she was counting down the seconds until we were gone, but my mom just smiled. Oh, yes. It would be nice to be home before it gets too late, she replied happily. Did Mom think shed asked to make sure they were awake in time and didnt miss us? Why else would she be so upbeat about it? I wasnt sure, but it didnt really matter. She wasnt about to stab anyone, I was pretty sure. I could leave the world without having to worry. Dizziness swallowed me, and in an instant, I was seated in a very different room. I glanced around at the bright dining room around me, trying to figure out where I was. I should have been outside. I had been the last time I checked. Rodgers and I were walking across the grass, following the worn path towards the garage at the back of the Academy, but we werent there anymore. Id missed it. Id missed the entire tour of the facilities outside, I realised as disappointment spread through me. Somehow, Id managed to return to the world just in time for us to have breakfast. It was more like lunchtime, though. The food was a strange mix of both. Waffles and a pasta salad sat on two small plates in front of me, but Rodgers tucked into a giant stack of waffles drenched in maple syrup. People had filtered in pretty much constantly since wed sat down, and most of them had come over to talk to Rodgers. They introduced themselves to me too, but Id lost track of the names and faces. Theyd all blurred into one. Everyone seemed nice, though. They were all polite and kind, which was good. It made the school seem a little bit less scary. It was still overwhelming and terrifying, obviously, but slightly less so. I glanced down at the iPad next to my plates, my eyes finding my schedule. Wed picked it up on the way to the canteen, and I could remember pouring over it already, but that didnt stop me from reading it again. The classes seemed to be on an alternating two week schedule. Some happened at the same time every week, but others varied. They were a strange combination too. Some subjects were ones Id done in my old school and real life, like maths and biology, but others were new to me. I had no clue what to expect from survival cooking, but I couldnt wait to find out. How are you feeling about that? Rodgers asked, jarring me out of my thoughts. Pretty good, I replied. Im excited to start the new classes. There were some we couldnt do in the induction wing, like driving, and I couldnt wait to begin learning how to do it. Would we start with a car? Or would they start smaller, like with a motorbike? That felt more dangerous, though. A car had more protection. A crash could still kill me, but a bike had nothing. Great! Thats not even all of them, by the way. I glanced up at Rodgers in confusion. Its not? I asked, looking back down at the schedule. It was only two pages, though. There was no mention of any other classes or subjects. Nah. Some subjects are taught as intensives, rather than having regularly scheduled classes throughout the weeks. I had no clue what that meant. What was an intensive? It sounded bad or scary, though. Oh? I said unsurely. Sorry, he apologised, seeing the confused expression on my face. I forget that newbies need to have this explained to them. So, throughout the year, youll have a few one to four week blocks where you dont have most of your normal lessons. Instead, youll spend the time focusing on a specific skill or subject. Like what? I asked, intrigued by the idea of it. Scuba diving, skydiving, sailing, that kind of thing. It doesnt really make sense to have the classes every week because of travel constraints, Rodgers explained as he poured even more syrup onto his waffles. I mean, sure. You can dive in a pool or a lake whenever you want, but you dont learn much from that. Youre not pushing yourself to improve, so after the first couple of times, its entirely pointless. My heart sank slightly. I wanted to learn how to do all of that, even though it terrified me, but the mention of diving just reminded me of Mitch. Id gone diving with him. Hed taught me how to do it, and then hed swam out of that cave with a bullet hole in his stomach because of me. Sweat started to bead on my hands, making the cutlery slick, and I forced myself to push those thoughts aside, to push the mental image of Mitch being shot out of my head. I didnt even see it happen. It was just my imagination running wild. That makes sense 4.8 Alarm bells Dont worry. The teachers are all really good, so you wont be thrown into anything you cant handle, Rodgers said, picking up on my hesitation. Plus, everyones a little scared at first. Its completely normal. I know that I was terrified before my first jump. I forced myself to smile as relief washed through me. He assumed that I was worrying about learning to skydive or scuba dive, not that I was being tortured by memories of what had happened last time. I was glad. There was no way I could explain the truth to him, and I didnt want to, but it also worried me. I needed him to think that I was brave and fearless, and how I was acting wouldnt do that. They had chosen me to leave the induction wing first. Id been the first person from my cohort to pass it, and that meant people expected a lot from me. They thought I could be better than I was, that I already was better, and I had to live up to those standards. The memory of Mitchs bloody body, of his hands pressed against the bullet wound on his stomach, were too powerful to ignore, but I forced myself to push them aside. They could continue to haunt me, but I didnt need to pay attention to them. Id just pretend they werent there. Thats good to hear, I forced myself to say. So how do they work? The intensives? I did want to know. Something about them scared me, but I wasnt sure what it was. Perhaps it was just the thought of having to actually jump out of a plane or being out on the ocean all by myself and far away from land. What would I do if something went wrong? What if the ship got a hole in it somehow, and I couldnt stop the water from getting in? How long would it take for people to find me? What if I did the intensive and then completely forgot everything Id been taught? That seemed to happen every summer. I only had just over a month off, but afterwards, it always felt like my mind was completely empty. It took me a few days, sometimes longer, to get back into classes again, and I wouldnt have time for that. Another image, a new one, forced its way into my mind, and suddenly, I was in a plane. The door had been thrown open, and the wind buffeted me, almost knocking me over. One of my hands shot out, grabbing at the nearest wall and thankfully managing to close around a rail there. There was something in my other hand. A parachute. I was clutching it to my chest and frozen in place. Gunshots exploded around me. Someone distantly shouted at me to move, but I couldnt. I couldnt bring myself to sling the parachute onto my back and fasten it into place. All I could do was stand there, unable to do anything. People were going to die, I realised. It was just like with Mitch all over again. People were going to die because of me. So, like I said before, theyll be scattered throughout the year in blocks, and then, once youve had the initial intensive, youll have regular refreshers, he explained as he poured even more syrup onto his waffles. Relief slammed into me. Of course, theyd think of that. I should have expected it, really. The Academy was so much better than my normal school. I should have known that they wouldnt just expect us to be trained in something once and then remember it forever. Oh? Yeah. The frequency of refresher differs, Rodgers continued. I believe once you have your driving license, youll have a chance to drive once a month, and thats for bikes, cars, and lorries. Youd be surprised how often that comes up in the field. He laughed, but it didnt sound like he was joking. I felt myself lean forward, wanting to know more. Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, Im counting buses under the category of lorry because they handle pretty similarly, he said, his expression thoughtful. I think I had to drive one in three out of the last eight assignments, which I guess isnt that bad, but Im glad it was drilled into us to practice regularly. I bet. It was all I could think to say. My mind was too distracted, too busy trying to work out what could have happened on the assignments for him to have to drive a lorry or a bus. Every potential scenario that I thought of felt so far-fetched, though. I was pretty sure they were all just scenes from action movies Id watched. It definitely helped, he agreed. Thats the most frequent one, though. Scuba diving is every I want to say six months, and skydiving is No, wait a minute. Maybe skydiving is twice a year. Give me a sec. Okay, I said, unsure if he expected me to speak or not. I continued eating, trying not to let myself panic too much, as Rodgers pulled out his phone and typed rapidly. Fear continued to tighten its grip around my throat, making it almost impossible for me to swallow. The refreshers would help, I tried to convince myself as I gulped down some water, hoping to clear the mouthful of pasta that was trying to choke me. Id be so used to diving and driving and whatever else we were going to be taught that by the time I actually had to use the skills on an assignment, it would be fine. Id go through the motions automatically, barely realising what I was doing until it was already pretty much over. I wasnt sure if I did actually believe that, but it helped calm my nerves a little. Ah, okay. So, skydiving is every four months, with night jumps at least twice a year. I knew I got the six months from somewhere, Rodgers said, more to himself than to me. And scuba diving is once every six months. I nodded and took a deep breath as I looked down at my schedule again, hoping that another page would have magically appeared. If it told me about the intensives and when they were going to happen, I could start to prepare myself for them. Or I could tell myself that I only had a few more weeks to wait, and then Id be able to start learning. Id be ready for whatever was to come, and it would be scary, obviously. I wasnt sure that jumping out of a plane would ever be anything other than that, but everything would be okay. But the page didnt appear. I shouldnt have been disappointed, but I was. Magic didnt exist in that world. It was never going to happen, and I should have expected that. Magic wasnt real. It didnt exist in any world. It was nothing more than a dream, a fantasy, and nothing more. If it was real, I would have found a world with it before then. Even as I thought that, doubt began to pull at me. There were monsters. Horrifying beasts that were the stuff of stories, like the one Id seen weeks before during the journey to Scotland. That thing had eaten people. It had been so strong and terrifying. Monsters like that were meant to just be a dream too. A nightmare. If it was real, could magic be too? A strange prickling sensation burnt in my fingertips, and I felt my chest tighten as a sensation swept over me, making my head spin and my hands turn numb. My breathing caught, and I started to reach out, stretching towards the dizziness before I could stop myself. Rodgers grabbed the bottle of maple syrup again, and I blinked, the movement pulling me back to the world. My eyes darted toward him, checking to make sure he didnt notice how distracted I had been. That makes sense, I said quickly, steeling myself before asking, Theyre not on my schedule yet. Do you know when the first intensive will start? I wasnt sure if hed tell me, but I had to ask. I just needed to know. Im not too sure, actually, he replied, cocking his head as he thought about it. Shouldnt be any time soon, though. Theyll probably wait until everyone is out of the induction wing. Oh. It made sense, but I was conflicted. I wasnt sure if I should have been disappointed or glad to hear that. Yeah. I mean, it just makes it a little easier for everyone and means you can be split into groups properly rather than just being with whoever is out at the time, he explained. Theyll probably start around the end of the year or beginning of next, I assume. Most people should be out of the wing by then. What? I blurted out. Thats months away. It was August. I was pretty sure about that. It had been July when I went into the wing, but time had passed since then. It felt about equal to real life, maybe a little slower, and that meant the end of the year was at least four months away. Surely, they couldnt be in there for another four months, could they? Rodgers looked almost uncomfortable as he slowly chewed his mouthful, and I couldnt work out if he didnt mean to tell me how long theyd be in there or if it was my reaction that was making him feel that way. I couldnt stop staring at him, though. It just didnt make sense to me. I didnt understand. It is, he said carefully. But I started before trailing off. My head was spinning, and it was almost impossible to form thoughts. How? A slight smile came over Rodgers face, the expression sympathetic. Some people might need to be in there that long, he told me gently. It varies for everyone. Hopefully, theyll be out sooner so everything can get started properly, but theres no guarantee. It all depends on how theyre doing in there and how long we think theyll need before they can transition into the Academy without getting completely overwhelmed. Not everyone adjusts as well as you did. The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. My lips pulled up into a hesitant smile that I didnt fully feel. I was still in shock. My mind was racing too fast, making it harder to accept his words or even really hear them properly. Part of me knew that I should be proud of myself. Somehow, Id managed to make them believe that I was doing well. They thought that Id be able to move out of the wing and do well in the Academy. That was a good thing, and I knew that, but my heart hurt. The thought of not being able to see my friends for months caused loneliness to rise within me again, threatening to smother all happiness and excitement Id felt about the Academy before. I thought it would be a few days, maybe a week or two, at most before I saw them again, but months? That felt like too long. It was longer than I could handle, and I didnt want to do it. Everyone in the school seemed so nice. They were kind to me whenever they came up to Rodgers, and it was clear they were interested in me, but that didnt matter. The thought of being surrounded by them, of having to make friends with a whole group of terrifying new people who already had their own friendship groups, made my throat tighten and my breathing quicken. It had been scary enough in the wing, and Katie and Abbie didnt know anyone else. They were in the same situation as me, so that should have made it easier. I just wanted to see them again. I wanted to have my friends out in the Academy with me, not be expected to make new friends. It felt impossible, and I didnt want to do it. Could I even do it? Did I have the ability? I was braver in that world, more confident, but it still felt like an insurmountable task, and I wasnt sure where to start. Maybe it wouldnt be months, I tried to tell myself. Katie and Abbie were doing well in the induction wing. They appeared to be, at least. It was hard for me to tell, but I thought they were. Scott and Seth seemed to be too. Perhaps theyd all be out by the end of the week, and then I wouldnt need to spend that much time surrounded by all of the new and scary people in the rest of the Academy. But I knew that it was wrong. I was grasping at straws and hoping desperately, but it wasnt right. It wasnt going to happen, but there was nothing I could do about it. I couldnt hurry it along or see them any sooner. The wing they were in was locked, and Id moved out. The only way to get back in there would be to break in, and I wasnt sure if that was possible. Surely, they had really advanced locks on the doors and cameras everywhere. If I tried, they would know that theyd made a mistake. Ms Brice and the others. My actions would prove that I was not ready to be out in the school, that the faith they had placed in me was wrong. I would be letting them down, and I couldnt do that. The mere thought of it turned my stomach. What could I do? My heart sank as I tried to think of a way to make things easier. I wished I could somehow fast forward time, skip ahead a few weeks or months until everyone was out, but I knew that wasnt possible. Time didnt work like that. The only thing I could do was continue. I had to just pretend that nothing was wrong and that I didnt really miss them that much. My eyes found my schedule again. I had classes; they would help distract me, and then whenever I wasnt in lessons, I could study and just focus on learning things. I was excited for that. I had been, at least. It was a distant sensation to me, something I couldnt quite bring myself to feel anymore, but I had felt it once. Maybe it would come back. The library. I could spend a lot of time there. It seemed like a pretty cool place. Id get the chance to explore it and read so many books. There wouldnt be anyone to distract me in my dorm room either, so I could spend every night alone and reading. That thought didnt comfort me at all, though. Movement in front of me caught my eye, and I looked up as a guy approached, speaking animatedly to Rodgers. I barely listened as he introduced himself to me. My mouth was moving; I could feel myself speaking, but I had no clue what I was saying. I was too distracted by another realisation. Rodgers wasnt going to have meals with me after the first day. It was a one-off, and then hed probably go back to the induction wing or somewhere else. Then, Id have no one. Id have to walk into the canteen by myself, sit alone as I ate, unable to meet anyones gaze. Theyd know. Every single person who looked at me would know that I was a loner and bad at making friends. Just like in real life. It would be too similar to how school went when Phoebe was off sick. It didnt happen often; she didnt like to miss things, but when she was ill, I had no one. Well, not quite no one. I always knew that I could go and find Duncan and eat with him and his friends, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. They ate in the canteen at school, and it was too loud in there. There was too much noise and constant conversations to keep track of, and I couldnt do it. It was too exhausting. Sitting in the library by myself or around the side of the school where no one ever went apart from me was a better option. It always was. Id rather spend the time on my phone, scrolling endlessly through social media and pretending not to be bothered by how bad I was at being a normal person and making friends. It did bother me, though. Every single time, it just reinforced how much of a failure I was. Most of the time, I was happy with Phoebe as my friend. She was all I needed, but when she wasnt there, it was too hard. It made me doubt myself. I hated that it was the same in that world, too. It was meant to be an escape, a place where I could be different and better, but it wasnt. I was still the same person, and that made me want to run. I wanted to flee the world, not look back at it or even think about it until my friends were back there and I could return without feeling inadequate or lacking. Id be surrounded by people I knew again. It would be fine. The world started to fade slightly around me, the colours leeching out, but something stopped me from pulling away completely. Some small part of me clung desperately to the world. I did want to be there. I wanted the chance to learn and train and become a spy, and if I left, Id be missing out on some of that. But it wouldnt be permanent. Id still gain that knowledge. My body, whatever was left when I exited a world, would continue to exist and attend classes. I could jump back in whenever I wanted, and it would be fine. My fear of missing out became less frantic. It loosened its grip, allowing the world to slip away until I was floating in the murky nothingness of my mind. I didnt want to go back to reality. The thought of sitting in that restaurant and pretending that the comments and jabs didnt me held no temptation to me, but I wasnt sure where did. I needed to go someplace else. Another world. A new one that could be a fun distraction from the loneliness of my other worlds. Dizziness started to pull at my mind, but I couldnt let myself give in. Memories of the last world Id visited flashed before my eyes, and worry started to harden in my stomach. I didnt want to end up in a world like that one. I needed somewhere fun. My fingertips started to prickle again, the tingling sensation spreading up my arms as tempting dizziness attempted to drag me away. Magic, if that was what I was feeling, could be fun. It would be. I could shoot fireballs out of my fingers, fly through the air without needing a plane or jet pack or whatever, or throw someone across the room with my mind. Distrust reared within me, and I felt myself jerk away from the prickling dizziness as a realisation hit me. Every single book I had ever read that had magic in it also had evil people. That was the whole point of the stories. They were always about oppression or tyrannical leaders or fights between good and evil, and that wasnt what I was looking for. I wanted something light and easy, not to join a revolution or be hunted. So, I had to avoid worlds that had magic, I realised, trying to ignore the disappointment that thought caused me. Id go to one at some point, I decided. Once my friends were out of the induction wing, and I felt ready to face a potentially terrifying world, Id go. It would be fun, probably. My attention returned to the swirling darkness around me. There were so many worlds, so many options. They seemed to jostle each other, competing for my focus and trying to pull me in. Dizzinesses washed over me, each one a different and new sensation, but I barely paid them any attention before dismissing them. What I was doing was strangely familiar, I realised as I let my head spin for a few seconds, causing the world to start to solidify around me before I changed my mind. It felt almost like I was flicking through options on the television, searching through streaming platforms for something to watch, or scrolling endlessly on social media and not really caring about what I was seeing. I was just looking for something to pass the time. Images started to flash before my eyes as I caught glimpses of the worlds I could slip into. They were blurred, the colours distorted, and the people around me strange. A map was spread out before me, the corners held down with dented metal flasks. Dark liquid was speckled across the ancient paper, staining it, and as I watched, more splattered onto it. The blood was coming from me. I pushed the world away, and my vision faded to blackness for just a moment before brightening again. A man with teeth filed to a point smiled at me. I should have been scared. The expression was hungry and threatening, but my heart was free of fear. Instead, a laugh tumbled from my lips as my grip tightened around the knife. My eyes squeezed shut, and I fled the world before I had the chance to see whatever was going to happen next. It was the wrong world. That wasnt what I was looking for. I wanted Bright, dazzling lights flashed in my eyes, and I couldnt help but stumble into the world as I threw my hands up, barely caring about the drink I was holding. The music pounded so loudly that I could feel the vibrations in my chest. Sweat slicked my forehead as my body moved, but I didnt care. I was lost, perfectly lost, in the music. My mouth opened, and words slipped out. They were lyrics, screamed along with the band on the stage. I didnt know them, but at the same time, I did. I knew every single song, every single melody, and I was going to sing them all. With a jolt, I ripped myself back and looked around, allowing reality to appear around me. My heart was racing, both from exhilaration from the gig and fear. Fear that I had slipped up and said something, sung something, in real life. But the table was silent. Hushed conversations continued around us, but we did not speak. No one was looking at me. I was safe. Letting out a sigh of relief, I slipped back into my mind. It was closer. That world was almost what I was looking for. I needed it to be fun like that but quieter. Singing or shouting would make me anxious about real life, but there had to be a compromise. A world I could go to where it was quiet but still fun and exciting. A new dizziness came forward, offering itself to me, and I started to reach out towards it before hesitating. I wasnt sure what made me pause, but something did. It felt almost like an alarm bell was going off in my mind, alerting me to a danger that I couldnt quite see yet. Was it that world? Was there something dangerous there? There could be. Some of the worlds were scarier than others; they felt more perilous than others, but there was more to the sensation than that. It wasnt just emanating from that one world but many. Going to any world was a risk. I wasnt sure why exactly, but I knew it was. That girl, the one locked in the lab, had told me so. Anna. Shed said I should stick to places I knew, ones that I was sure were safe, and I wanted to trust her. I wanted to do what she said, but if I did, it meant I was trapped. All of my worlds, the ones Id been to already, were unsafe for me. I couldnt go back to them. I was either dead, in jail, or heartbroken, and the thought of returning was just too hard. It made my stomach sink and my chest tighten. There had to be another option. A world that was entirely safe. A sensation hovered at the edge of my mind. It was timid, tentative, but I could feel pure excitement and anticipation radiating out towards me, filling my body with energy until it felt like I was about to take flight. Fear and concern clouded my heart as I examined the feeling, trying to work out if anything malevolent hid within, but I found nothing. All I could feel was My hand snapped out, and a heavy, familiar weight slammed into my palm, but my gloves activated immediately, taking the brunt of the impact. There was a moment, a slight pause where the world was utterly silent, and I couldnt help but wonder if I had made a terrible mistake in coming to that world, but then, the crowd exploded. 4.9 Champions My chest heaved as I panted, barely able to catch my breath. I looked around at the stadium, turning as I soaked in the sight of them all cheering for me. For my team. We did it. Wed just won the championship. We were champions, and all because of me. Id caught the puck. Id stopped the other team from scoring, and that had saved the game. I had no clue what I was doing. I didnt know where I was or what sport I was even playing, but none of that mattered. All that mattered was that wed won. It still didnt feel real to me, but the screens around the arena flashed the score in our colours. They announced the win, making it impossible for me to deny. Grace! The wild shriek came from behind me, and I turned just in time to see a blur of bright blue and white throw themselves at me. Auroras body slammed into mine, knocking me off my feet. I was so glad we were still in our gear as we bounced a few times before coming to a stop, the plates on my back taking the bulk of the impact. My arms tightened around the girl as she sobbed with happiness, and I felt my eyes begin to burn. I never expected it. Even when I was chosen for the team, I didnt think Id ever get to play, especially not in a game that size. I expected to be sat on the bench for the majority of my career, maybe have a few shots at playing in front of the crowd, but nothing more. That wasnt the case, though. Id played in the final game of the league. I played in every game, actually, and I had just become a champion. Unrestrained glee exploded in my heart, and I clutched my teammate even tighter. It felt like a dream. My body was shaking. No, not my body, I realised. The soft, springy ground, designed to look like grass whilst actually hiding advanced magtech and cameras, was vibrating. Fear crept into my heart as I looked around, terrified that it was all just a dream and that there was actually a monster tearing towards me, ready to devour me whole, but it was just my team. The moment they neared us, they dove into the air, landing in a heap that blocked out the sun. A brief flutter of claustrophobia wormed its way into my heart, and I was terrified that I was about to be crushed to death, but it passed quickly. Somehow, I could barely even feel the weight of my team piled on top of me. A laugh escaped my lips as a voice came through my earpiece. Let the kid breathe, you lot. The mountain of bodies above me shifted as my team started to climb off us until it was just Aurora left. She beamed at me before accepting Leilas hand and letting her pull her to her feet, tears still streaming down her face. I sat up, resting my elbows on my knees as I stared around at the celebrating crowd, still not quite able to believe what I was seeing. A hand appeared before my face, and I glanced up at the captain. Trepidation sparked in my stomach as I stared at the tall brunette before me. It was stupid. I knew Santana well. I trusted her with my life and loved her like a sister, but there was something about her that intimidated me. Still, I took her hand and let her drag me off the ground. She didnt let go of my hand once I was upright, and her eyes stayed on my face, her expression appraising. You know, she said, cocking her head to the side. I still think youre a scrawny little thing, but man, am I glad we brought you onto the team. I couldnt help the huge grin that appeared on my face as Athena pulled me into a hug, slapping my back so hard I could feel it through my gear. She was just teasing me, and I didnt mind it. I was the skinniest one on the team, but I was working on that. It didnt really matter, though. The gear we wore evened things out a bit. They made it so the game was purely based on skill and ability rather than strength. It still helped a bit, obviously, but it was mostly irrelevant. What mattered most of all was whether someone was good at the game, and somehow I was. I didnt expect to be. I could still remember how pointless it had felt when we went on a school trip to the local club a few years back. The coach there insisted that everyone had the chance to try out the gear, and I didnt want to. I huddled at the back of the room, hoping that he wouldnt even notice me, but thankfully, he did. The moment I slid the first glove onto my hand, something in me changed. I wasnt sure quite how to describe it, but there was something that just shifted. The gloves were too big; I could barely keep them on my hands, but that did nothing to diminish the absolute sense of rightness that had settled in my stomach as I realised I had found what I was born to do. And Id been chasing that feeling ever since. Every time I stepped out onto the pitch, every time I started to strap on my gear, or I passed the jersey hanging in the hallway of my apartment, I was reminded of how much I adored the sport, even though part of me still couldnt quite remember what it was called. I am so proud of you, kid, Athena said as she pulled back, finally letting go of me before turning towards the rest of the team. Now, lets go get some food, champions! Cheers exploded around me, and I found myself joining in without hesitation. I didnt even think about it. It was like my body reacted before I could. Her words sparked something in me, though. They reminded me of just how hungry I was, and my stomach grumbled so loudly that I had to pull away from the world, slipping back into reality to make sure it hadnt also made a noise there. We were in the car, I realised as I looked around in surprise. Id expected us to still be in the restaurant, but we must have left. I was sitting in the back of my grandparents car with my mom next to me. The radio was playing so loudly that it wouldnt have mattered if my stomach had growled. I could have shouted, and no one would have been able to hear me over two people talking. A smile appeared on my face as the dark world faded around me, and I slipped away. Fantastic job, everyone! a familiar voice that I couldnt quite place called as we streamed into the changing rooms, still cheering and talking loudly. Rhea, that last stop was great! And Tatiana. Good attempt on the strike, but we need to work on your aim. Ive got that noted down. Sorry, coach, Tatiana muttered, her expression frustrated. She was annoyed at herself, though, not the coach. I didnt know how I knew that, but I was sure. A flash of a memory revealed itself to me, and I caught a glimpse of Tatiana floating high above the pitch. Her eyes narrowed as she spun horizontally, swinging a strangely ethereal, somewhat transparent and glowing stick at the puck. The sight of it surprised me so much that I felt the memory start to slip away again, but I tightened my grasp on it, eager to see more of the weird sport I was remembering. It looked almost like a hockey stick, the thing that she was wielding. It was longer and at a more extreme angle than any hockey stick Id ever seen before, but that was the closest example I could think of. It was incorporeal. The stick seemed to be made of pure light, but somehow Tatiana was holding it. And it managed to make contact with the puck, sending the small black disc shooting forward towards the target that had appeared on the ground. It didnt hit it, though. More of the memory unveiled itself to me, and I watched as the puck slammed into the ground, narrowly missing the target, which immediately began to fade away as groans echoed through the stadium. She should have hit it. It was an easy shot. No one was blocking the target; it should have been an easy ten points, but she missed. That never happened in training. And you! the coach shouted. Get over here, you! Somehow, I knew the coach was talking to me. I sent Aurora a grin before peeling away from her and squeezing around my teammates, who were already sprawled out on the benches scattered around the room. The blonde womans expression was inscrutable as I made my way towards her. Her green eyes examined me shrewdly, and as always, she was clutching a clipboard in her hands. It was a little jarring to see at first. I mean, I hadnt seen anyone actually writing on paper for years, not since I was in primary school, if that, but Nina always used paper. Real paper too. She preferred it for some reason, and her results were so good that the club didnt question her at all. I mean, who would question the person who had led their best team to victory in the championships ten times in fourteen years? This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Eleven times, after the last game. As soon as I was close, her hands shot out, grasping my shoulders. She didnt even drop the clipboard first, and I could feel it digging into my back as the coach stared at me intently. You, she said firmly, are my greatest find yet. Behind me, a smattering of laughs broke out. They werent mocking, thankfully. No one was disagreeing with her or making fun of me; they were just amused by how she was acting. Most of them had been trained by Nina since they started playing professionally, so theyd been with her for years. They were used to her behaviour, but it was still a little jarring to me. I could recall that. I was so used to my old coach, Annison, who rarely praised me. That was good. It kept me on my toes, and I kept pushing myself to do more and be more. I had to because nothing I did was ever enough, but that wasnt the case with Nina. She actually praised me when I did well, and that just made me want to practice more. I wanted to do better, to be better. Then, Id get even more of that praise. Id deserve more. Dial it back, Coach, Athena said from behind me. You might scare the poor child away. I glanced back at her, meeting her gaze for just long enough for the captain to send me a supportive yet proud smile that made my heart soar. Nina didnt let go of me, though. Her fingers tightened on my shoulders, starting to hurt slightly. I refuse, she said intensely before finally letting go and looking down at my hands. How are the new gloves? Do they fit okay? No rubbing or chafing? I glanced down at my hands too, noticing that I was still wearing my gloves. Part of me was surprised to see the gloves on my hands. It was the real me, the one who was new to the world, who was caught off guard by them. The other me was used to the strange, thin gloves. They were no thicker than rubber gloves and clung to my hands, seeming to fit them perfectly. There was only the slightest excess material at the ends of a couple of my fingers and around the base of my thumb, where they didnt quite lie flat against my skin, but it didnt seem too bad. Id worn worse. I liked the colour, though. Most of the fabric matched the pale colour of my skin, but there were bright blue and white lines stretching the length of my fingers and meeting in a starburst on the palms. Yeah, no. They were completely fi I started to say as I eased the strangely stretching material away from my hands, wincing as my raw skin was exposed to the air. Ah, maybe they rubbed a little. Show me, the coach said, holding her hand. I finished peeling the gloves off and shoved them into the pocket on the side of my thigh before holding my hands out to her. She took them carefully, touching only the undamaged side of my palm as she turned them, examining the damage. Anxiety bubbled in my chest as I watched her. If she thought it was bad enough, she might not let me play until I got cleared by the medic. I wasnt injured enough for that. It was just a minor thing, something that I could easily practice through. We had a bit of a break, anyway. Shed told us if we won the championships, wed get a week off practice. I probably wouldnt take the whole time off, but that was more than enough time to get them sorted out. Theyre not too bad, I said as the deep cut at the base of my thumb, where the fabric must have bunched and rubbed, began to slowly ooze blood. Nina raised an eyebrow as she glanced up at me. Have you got balm in your locket? Yeah, I replied, feeling relief slam into me that she wasnt going to send me to the first aiders or medics. Okay. Make sure you use that, and Aurora! someone shouted, cutting Nina off. Are you in my damn shower? There was a moment of silence, and I looked back at the furious-looking woman who was glaring in the direction of the showers. No, Aurora called back, the giggle in her voice audible even over the rushing water. Yours gets hotter than mine! Astoria looked outraged. So call the plumber! she shot back. At first, her anger scared me. It seemed like she became enraged at the slightest provocation, which terrified me. After one of our first practices, shed shouted at Tatiana for stealing her deodorant, and I had no clue how to react. I was so scared that she was going to punch her, and she must have noticed how much my hands were shaking as I dropped my uniform into the cart to be washed and worked out what was happening. After that, she made sure to always send me a wink or a grin whenever she was shouting at someone. I tried, Aurora called back. They said theres nothing they can do! Astoria let out a loud, irritated sigh. I swear. Im going to smother her one of these days, she muttered, catching my eye and winking before the smile slipped from her face, and she continued mumbling murderously. I really will. Id gotten more used to Astorias outburst by that point. They didnt really scare me anymore, and I smirked at her as Nina squeezed my shoulder again. Go on, she said, causing me to look at her again. Get your hands sorted out, and make sure you use some spray plaster on them, or the shower will be agony. A wince appeared on my face at the thought of getting tender and throbbing skin wet. She was right; it would be bad. Great shout, I told her. Thanks, Coach. Dont mention it. Ill set you up an appointment with Equipment for next week. They should be able to get the adjustments sorted before then, but you have your old pairs if not, dont you? Yeah. Id never throw them out. I knew that some of the other women on my team did. They had no problem discarding equipment the moment they replaced it, but I couldnt quite bring myself to do it. I still had the first pair of boots that Id ever worn. They were secondhand, or maybe thirdhand at that point. The ankles offered no support, and the boosters would cut out randomly, but I made do. I had to. My first coach had given them to me. They were her daughters first pair. She said I couldnt keep wearing the rental ones from the club if I wanted to actually succeed. The association wouldnt allow me to wear those in a proper game, even at such a low level, and my mom refused to buy me any gear. She thought it was a waste of money, but I loved the ones Colette had given me. I tried to give them back when I moved on from the club and could afford my own, but she wanted me to keep them. She said that maybe someday, I could pass them on to a kid who needed a pair just like she had, but I wasnt sure I could ever do that. They were outdated, I told myself. Broken and barely usable. If I met someone who needed some boots, Id get them a new pair, and the ones Colette had given me would stay in the display case in my hallway, safe forever. My hands burned as I walked towards my locker. The gentle, cool breeze coming from the air conditioning unit felt like knives stabbing into the raw skin, slicing it anew, and I could feel tears gathering behind my eyes. I refused to let them fall, but they wanted to. If Id managed to hold it together when Id broken my arm a few months back and during the torturous treatment to heal it quickly, I could cope with a little bit of glove rash. It wasnt the first time Id ever had it, after all. I should have taped my hands up. Athena had advised me to, Aurora too, but I didnt want to. They were new gloves, and I knew they didnt quite fit, but wearing tape underneath always felt weird to me. No matter how hard I tried to follow the physiotherapists instructions, I could never quite get it to avoid all of the sensors and contact points. Even when it was almost perfect, it still felt weird. It was like I was wearing two pairs of gloves, and I hated it. My hand closed around the tube in my locker, and I winced as I lifted it, spotting blood already beginning to drip down the white container. Id need to deal with that before I could use it, I realised. A sigh slipped out of my lips as I put it down again and started moving towards the bathroom area to grab some paper towels to mop up the blood. No, a voice said, slicing through the world. I stumbled, catching my toe on the step into the house as dizziness pooled in my head, making my brain feel sluggish and off balance. Oh youre going to bed now? my mom asked. The hope in her voice was almost painful to hear, and I longed to leave the world so that I wouldnt have to hear my grandmothers response, but the pain in my foot was too much to ignore. It was nothing compared to the stinging in my hands in the other world, but that me was used to the pain. She could deal with it, but the real me couldnt. Yes, my grandmother replied as my grandfather walked straight past her towards the lounge. My moms eyes followed him, and she was silent for a few seconds as the television turned on. The volume was so loud. We could hear every single word that the news reporter was saying, but my grandmothers expression barely changed. It just seemed to become more challenging. It was clear they werent going to bed yet. My grandfather always watched the evening news before he went up, so hed be awake for at least another hour or so. Mom must have asked what they were doing now and obviously wanted to spend time with them, but her mom was basically sending her to her room as if she were still a child. I knew Mom wouldnt argue with her. She wanted to spend time with her parents, but she wanted their approval more. Okay, Mom said, her voice unnaturally bright as she turned towards me with a wide smile on her face. I guess wed better head to bed ourselves! Weve got an early morning tomorrow. Oh, yeah right, I replied, slipping my shoes off and placing them carefully by the front door. The pain was almost gone. I only had the smallest twinge when I curled my toes. Well be going out at about seven tomorrow, Mom, my mom called as my grandmother turned and began walking away. Well see you in the morning. Night, love you! Her desperate shout seemed to echo down the long corridor, and there was a pause. It dragged on, and for a moment, I was certain that her mother was just going to ignore her, but she finally replied. You too. It was barely a response, but I saw my moms smile widen and become more genuine as she turned towards the stairs. 4.10 Dont be late! I dabbed the blood from my hands, grimacing as even more welled up. Id gotten enough of it off, though. If I moved fast and got the ointment on my hands quickly, it would be fine. I wouldnt drip blood across the changing room floors, and I really didnt want to do that. The last time someone had done it, Athena made them scrub it until it shone. It was Rheas fault she was injured, anyway. She basically ignored Athenas instructions but was still surprised when she smacked into the floor and broke a finger. She was lucky that was all she broke. Eyeing my hands again, I dropped the wad of bloodstained paper towels into the toilet before grabbing another handful. My hands were held in front of me awkwardly as I rushed back across the room, darting around my teammates, who were still chatting animatedly. I glanced between my hands and the floor constantly, painfully aware of the blood that was beginning to gather in my palm. There wasnt anything I could do about it, though. The towel would hopefully catch most of it, and it was too risky to try and reposition my hands to lower the chances of the blood dripping. But luckily, I managed to reach my locker in time. Athena didnt care as much if we got blood in them as long as we cleaned it up before it dried. I dropped the paper towel carefully in the locker, trying to position it so none of the blood got on the metal, but it was hard. It didnt matter, though. It was easy enough to clean. My hand closed around the white tube again, and I ignored the stab of pain that the movement caused. The pump slipped under my slick fingers, smearing even more blood over it, but before long, I managed to squirt some of the gel onto my hands. My jaw clenched as I quickly rubbed my hands together, and my skin immediately began to tingle. The sensation intensified. It felt like a thousand tiny ants were crawling over every inch of my hands, biting and stinging me constantly. And then the pain disappeared. It was so sudden, so instantaneous, that my breath caught in my throat. A sigh slipped through my lips, and I clenched my fists tentatively, searching for any lingering ache. There was none, though. My hands still felt a little tight, as if the skin would tear if I did anything too strenuous, but it was so much better. I let my eyes shut for a moment, savouring the absence of pain. Well, not absence. Without the hard-to-ignore agony in my hands, the nagging twinge in my lower back became evident. It wasnt strong enough to be sore, but it still annoyed me. Could I not go one day without any pain? Was that really so much to ask? I breathed out, pushing the thought from my mind. I was being ridiculous. I knew it. It was a small price to pay for what I did, and there was no way to avoid it. I worked with the physiotherapists, made sure to stretch as often as I could, and took all of the supplements and medications that were prescribed to me, but it still happened. That was part of why people retired so early. Most didnt make it past twenty-five. Some did, like Athena, but not many. Popping a couple of tablets out of the almost empty blister pack in my locker, I gingerly grabbed my water and swallowed them. It would take twenty minutes or so for the painkillers to kick in, and then Id feel better. That was just enough time for me to take a quick shower and then get on the bus. I could shower properly and wash my hair once I got home. But I needed to protect my hands before I did that. I took another gulp of water before reaching for the aerosol can and quickly blasting my left hand with the strangely viscous spray. The smell was vaguely familiar, almost like a cross between glue and melting plastic, and I knew that I should probably hold my breath, but there was something weirdly nice about the scent. It wasnt one that I wanted to smell all the time, but I didnt despise it anywhere near as much as Aurora did. She waited without approaching me, one hand plugging her nose and the other clutching the towel to her body as she watched me spray my other hand. Oh, no! That looks so sore, she said sympathetically once I was done and the smell had started to dissipate. The curse of tiny hands strikes again. I grinned at her, knowing she had the same problem that I did. Our hands were almost the same size. Id worn her gloves once during practice when mine had broken unexpectedly. Its not too bad, I replied. Hey, look! We might have matching scars now too! She thrust her hand out towards me, grinning wildly. I stared down at the scar at the based on her thumb. She was right; it was in almost the same location as one of the cuts on mine, but hers was still so red. It must have been deep. We do, I agreed before starting to flex my hands and watching them carefully to check whether Id missed any spots. But I dont think mine will be anywhere near as bad as those. Oh, hold your nose again. I have to spray. Aurora followed my advice immediately, clamping a hand over her face and waiting until I was done before she let go. She gagged delicately, the blood draining from her face before she sunk onto the bench in front of the lockers. Honestly, youd think after nine years of playing this sport and four of competitive dance, Id be used to that, huh? she muttered. I grinned at her. Youd think, but here we are. Hey, whats the plan for tonight? Aurora cocked her head to the side. No clue, actually. I dont think they said, she replied before craning her head and calling across to our captain. Hey, Athena! Whats happening now? Athena looked up without stopping her stretches. You lot can go home and get presentable, and then we have dinner, she told us, the room silent as we listened eagerly. Weve got a table booked at La Lieux, then a room at Loud Voice after, and bottle service at Before for those of you old and stupid enough to drink. She fixed Aurora and me with a pointed look, and we both grinned back innocently as cheers erupted around us. I may have been the youngest on the team, but Aurora was only a year older than me. She was still underage too. That didnt matter too much. Some of the older women didnt drink, and Athena made sure to always keep the celebrations accessible for us. I was excited about the karaoke. Id only been to Loud Voice once before, but it had been so fun. It was back before I joined the team. Id gone with my school friends. Phoebe hadnt been there, though. I couldnt remember seeing her at all. Duncan, either. Maybe they didnt exist in this world? Hold on, hold on, the coach called over the noise, causing everyone to fall quiet again. I dont want this to be a repeat of last year. No fights, no vomiting in public, and please, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not end up on the news again. Everyone turned to look at one woman. Esther was in the middle of changing, but she stopped, her expression indignant as she stared at Nina. That wasnt my fault! I have told you before, Nina replied, her tone so firm that I shied away from it. I dont care whose fault it was. It was your face that ended up plastered on every screen in the city, and Athena had to field questions about you for weeks. Esther looked ashamed. Sorry, Captain, she muttered. Athenas hands were on her hips, and her lips were pressed together. It was clear that she was trying hard not to laugh, but it seemed to be on the verge of escaping. Its fine, she said. The rest of you, go get in the shower before the buses arrive. The table is booked for eight thirty, and Ive got taxis coming at eight. If youre late, Im not calling another. You can walk. That was not an empty threat. I knew her well enough to know that for certain. Hastily, I grabbed my towel and shower bag, feeling no pain in my hands as the rough material grazed them, before heading towards the shower. Grace? a sharp voice cut through the world, sending it spinning around me. A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. I dragged myself back into reality, grateful that I was already holding the door handle. I must have just been about to enter my room, but I paused, clinging to it for strength. My eyes refused to focus fully. They seemed unable to as I stared blankly at my mom, and the dizziness continued to stab me in the brain. Yes? I asked, looking back at her. My voice sounded normal. I was pretty sure that I was hiding my vertigo well. I want to go out at seven tomorrow morning so we can get home before rush hour, she told me. That means you need to be at the front door with all of your bags packed and ready to go, not just getting up and still needing to finish off packing. Do you understand? If I hadnt been still so distracted by the dizziness, I think it would have been almost impossible not to roll my eyes. My mom had already said that we were leaving at seven. Id been there when she told my grandmother minutes before, so I knew that, and she must have known that Id heard it. She had no reason to repeat it now; she just wanted to. I didnt feel the urge to point that out, though. I could have told her that I already knew or that she didnt have to be so condescending, but I just didnt care enough to. My mind was consumed with the desire to end the conversation as quickly as possible and disappear back to the other world. I just wanted to be there, to know what it was like. It was an entirely new experience for me. Or at least, it felt like it. I wasnt used to being popular like that. I didnt really play any sports, and the thought of being on one of the most well-known teams in the entire world filled me with both trepidation and excitement. Before, I would have thought it was impossible, that I couldnt achieve something like that, but Id done it. One version of me had, anyway, and maybe that meant that others could too. Perhaps I just needed to find my sport. The one that just felt right for the real version of me. But I couldnt do anything about that whilst my mom was staring at me, waiting for me to answer or argue with her. Okay, was all I said. My moms eyebrows pulled together, and she blinked slowly, appearing taken aback. I wasnt sure what she expected me to say to her, but it definitely wasnt that. It didnt matter to me, though. I didnt have it in me to argue with her. I was in too good of a mood. The glee, my excitement and pride from the other world were bleeding into reality. My heart felt too light. Good, she said suspiciously. Sleep well. You too, I replied, fighting to keep my smile small and polite when I wanted to beam. It was only nine-thirty in that world, way too early to sleep. I wasnt ready to go to bed yet, but that didnt matter. I didnt want to be around my mom. I just wanted to be alone in my room so I could go to the other world without having to worry about someone speaking to me and not being able to answer them. My team were about to go celebrate, and I wanted nothing more than to go and join them. But I did need to finish packing, I realised as I stepped into my room and looked around. There were far too many items of clothes still scattered across my floor and in the wardrobe. If I ended up having to finish packing in the morning, Mom would be furious, and the entire ride home would be hell. Anxiety prickled in my stomach. Even if Mom wasnt in a bad mood, I wasnt sure how it would be. Long car journeys with her were always pretty stressful, and the trip to Scotland wasnt an exception. She wasnt the thing that made it so bad, though. That was entirely me. A mental image of that horrifying creature that Id seen during the trip flashed before my eyes. The skeletal, barely human face and lumbering steps had been at odds with the sharp focus in its eyes as it had licked the blood of the people theyd had just from their hands and stared at me before beginning to chase me down. I hadnt been able to escape. It had felt impossible to rip my consciousness away from that world, but somehow, that wasnt the worst place Id been. It wasnt the world that stuck in my mind the most. Anna. Something had caused me to go to her world when I was in the car again. I wasnt sure what it was. One moment, I was in the car with my mom, staring out at nothing in particular, and the next, I was there. I was standing in that concrete prison cell with a girl whod been sold by her parents to some people who were experimenting on her. What if that happened again? What if I went back there and couldnt escape? It wouldnt happen, though. I knew it wouldnt. Things hadnt been as bad since that journey. I rarely found myself pulled into a new world without being able to control it; it was me who went looking for them. I made the decision to go there, so Id probably be fine. I wouldnt be dragged back there. My heart was still pounding as I tried to push the thought from my mind, stepping further into my room. Confusion washed over me as I looked down at my hands. They were clenched into fists, but I wasnt sure why. I hadnt realised I was doing it; I only noticed when they started to hurt. Pack. I needed to pack, I reminded myself. It was still early, but I couldnt waste time. Mom would probably come and check on me to make sure I was actually doing as she said, and knowing her, shed listen outside the door a few times too. I couldnt be caught just standing there. There was no way I could explain to her what was going on. Shed never understand. I sat down in front of my suitcase, aware of the frown pulling at my lips. The urge to escape, to run far away from any world where bad things could happen, rose within me, but I hesitated. None of my worlds felt safe, but I was pretty sure I was just being paranoid. I was. The new world Id just found was safe enough. It felt like nothing back could happen to me there. Swallowing, I nodded to myself before letting my room fade into dizziness. I was safe there. See you in an hour. Dont be late! came a shout as I pushed my door shut. The voices of my teammates still managed to reach through to me even once it was closed. The owner of the building had told me there was noise-cancelling technology everywhere, but somehow, I could still hear them clearly. No wonder they got noise complaints from the people who lived in my apartment before me. I do feel bad for them. I know the club had been trying to buy them out for a while so they could purchase the last apartment on this floor, and Im surprised they didnt jump at the opportunity to move. It must have been so annoying to have to put up with the shouting and celebrating, especially after an important win. I didnt mind it, though. In fact, I loved it. Before joining the team, Id never really been a loud person. It went against how I was brought up, and the thought of being boisterous or calling attention to myself filled me with anxiety. But that had all changed. I can be as noisy as I want now, and no one tells me to shut up or to be more ladylike. That was a big one. My mom used to say it a fair bit. Apparently, shouting and being loud were acceptable behaviours for men but not for women or young ladies, such as myself. I couldnt help the grimace that caused my face to screw up at that thought as I kicked my shoes off and nudged them to one side with my foot. That was one of the many things I loved about living alone. There was no one there to tell me off for things that didnt matter. If I wanted to be loud or leave my trainers by the front door, I could do that. I didnt need to hide them away in cupboards. I could just do whatever I wanted, and I loved it. The club did offer to move my parents in with me, obviously. I was fifteen when I first met with them. They didnt have many people who were underage on the team, but their lawyers were good. It was clear they knew what they were doing. They were the ones who suggested Nina and Athena talk to me about it, and after that, I dont think they even mentioned the offer to my parents. Im not sure if it was Nina or Athena who spoke to the lawyers and had it smoothed over, but Im grateful for it. Part of the reason was so I could live alone, but the other was to protect me and my future. My earnings from the last club Id played for were in a savings account. That was what Id been told, and I had no reason to doubt my mom, but when I turned sixteen and tried to access it to replace some of my old and barely working gear, I couldnt. The savings account didnt exist. It had all been paid into my moms account, and Im still not sure what she did with it. My dad was a little disappointed that I moved away. I couldnt help but think of him as I passed the display cabinet in my hallway, and my eyes found the jersey hed bought me the first time hed taken me to see a proper game. I came to a stop, staring at the blue and white shirt emblazoned with the logo of the team I had joined. He was so proud of me, still is. Hed been the first person I told when I saw Nina in the stands when I was playing for my last team. I texted him at halftime, and I only discovered out later that he found her. The moment I sent the message, he looked her up online to find out what she looked like and went to find her. I was pretty sure he was the reason I was on the team. I couldnt help but pull my phone out of my pocket and type a quick message to him, pausing for only a moment before hitting send. He just worried about me. That was why he didnt want me to move away. My mom didnt, but that was for a different reason. Im not sure how much of it was because she didnt want to lose the money she was getting from me and how much were the reasons shed told me. Apparently, I had no clue how to look after myself. She was sure I was making a mistake and that Id end up pregnant and being kicked off the team before the end of the year. The thought made me snort as I turned away from the cabinet and continued walking through my spacious, airy apartment. I barely had enough time to sleep and do schoolwork. When exactly was I meant to meet any boys or get pregnant? She didnt understand what it was like, anyway. Shed never really got why I cared so much about the game or why I practised as much as I did. It was a waste of time, according to her. Hardly anyone made enough money to live off of by playing sports, and I should just give up. She advised me, her voice bordering on commanding a few times, to stop and go after a more respectable professionone that people wouldnt be ashamed of, as if playing professionally was something that should not be shared with polite company. It was something that should be whispered, admitted reluctantly. Still, that didnt stop her from trying to cash in on my success. If it hadnt been so crushingly disappointing, her talk show appearances would have been quite entertaining. It was clear she knew nothing about my life or my sporting career and just refused to learn. Instead, she tried to turn everything around to how it impacted her. My success, she tearfully admitted, was a double-edged sword. I turned the television off before I could hear the reason she gave. A loud, out-of-place creak tore through the air as I reached for the handle of the fridge, and I paused, looking around. Nothing appeared to have moved, and there was nowhere that the noise could have come from. It sounded almost like an old wooden floorboard, but that didnt make sense. The floors in my apartment were marble. Realisation slammed into me, and I dragged myself away from the world as another creak sounded. 4.11 Intentional It was my mom. The second squeal from the floorboards was closer to me, and I blinked, staring up at my door blankly. It swam in my vision, making it hard to focus, and I longed to close my eyes so the dizziness would pass quicker, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. It felt too risky. My mom was steadily moving towards my room, and she wasnt bothering to hide it. She must have known where to avoid stepping so the floor wouldnt be noisy. I knew she must have; I did, and I hadnt grown up in the house. She had. There was no way shed made it to adulthood without learning that. Another wooden groan reached my ears, and my eyebrows drew together. She did know, but she wasnt trying to avoid them, I realised. Mom was actively aiming for the loudest boards. It was intentional. My mind was still hazy from switching between the worlds, and my thoughts moved sluggishly as I tried to work out why shed do that. Maybe she was trying to warn me she was about to knock on my door. Or scare me? That would make sense too. I reached out, grabbing my phone to check the time. Only a few minutes had passed since I entered my room, and that meant shed probably spent that time ruminating. She was suspicious of me, I realised. She always was, but the way I acted had made her suspect I was up to something. I was too subdued, too submissive, when she told me to pack and be ready to leave at seven. That was what she said she wanted from me, though. She always told me to argue less and just accept what she told me without question, but when I did that, she didnt trust it either. What did she want from me? I bit my lip to hold back the sigh that threatened to escape, knowing shed be listening in. Instead, I forced myself to continue folding the t-shirt in my hands. I dropped it into my suitcase, hoping the noise would be loud enough for her to hear, but the soft thump was too muffled. Even if she did hear it, there was no way shed be able to know for sure what it was. Okay, I muttered under my breath, trying to make my voice loud enough to reach her but still quiet enough for it to sound like I was talking to myself. Thats all my t-shirts. What next? How about dresses? It felt a little too over the top. I was pretty sure she wasnt going to buy it and that my door would be thrown open, but there was a pause before I heard the gentle brush of my moms footsteps as she walked away. Not a single floorboard sounded that time, and I smirked as my earlier suspicion was confirmed. It was intentional. Shed been making noise to try and scare me so Id stop doing anything she didnt approve of. It was almost funny how little she trusted me. The quiet snap of my moms bedroom door closing again jolted me from my thoughts, and I blinked, looking around my room again. Suddenly, being in my room was stifling. It was suffocating and oppressive, and I needed to be free from the constant monitoring and suspicion. My grip tightened around the fridge handle, the cold metal biting into my still-painful hands. The moment I was sure I wasnt going to fall, I loosened my grip and checked to make sure my spray plaster hadnt cracked. The thin, slightly shiny layer still coated both of my hands, though. A smile pulled at my lips as I opened the fridge and stared inside. I had just been planning to grab a bottle or two of the electrolyte-infused water I kept stocked in there, but then my eyes fell on the stacks of carefully crafted meals, all prepared by the team chef. My stomach growled as I stared. They were sorted by meal. Breakfasts were on the top shelf, lunch in the middle and dinners at the bottom. Around the glass containers were snacks and other prepared items, but it was one of the dinners that was calling to me. The pasta just looked so good, and I knew it would be. Everything Cad made always was. The urge to stand there in the fridge and eat the meal without even bothering to heat it up slammed into me. Even ice cold, it would still be delicious. It would be better hot, obviously, but still. I shook my head, trying to push that thought away. I was about to go out for dinner, I reminded myself. In a couple of hours, Id be able to eat, and the food at La Lieux was always so good. It was fancy, but the portions were good. My desire to consume an inadvisable amount of pasta would still be sated. A sigh slipped out of my mouth as I eyed the creamy spinach pasta one more time before grabbing a bottle of water and a protein bar from the cupboard. It wouldnt be as satisfying as the pasta, obviously, but I needed something after the match, and it would keep me from getting too hungry before dinner. I couldnt wait to go to La Lieux. It felt like it had been forever since I went there last, and I really enjoyed it. Realistically, I knew Id gone a few months ago with Aurora, but it felt like longer. Athena and Nina took me there a couple of weeks before that, too. That had been really nice, even if Id felt slightly on edge the entire meal. It wasnt their fault. It was all me. I was just scared of them for no real reason. It felt like if I said the wrong thing, theyd kick me off the team. The protein bar tasted of cookie dough, but it seemed to suck all of the moisture from my mouth as I chewed. I struggled through, forcing my jaw to work harder as I ripped the top off the bottle and lifted it to my lips. The moment the slightly salty water touched my tongue, I grimaced. The flavour was so unexpected, and I pulled the bottle away and peered at the label. Somehow, Id missed the yellow bar at the bottle. That was entirely my mistake. I should have checked to make sure it wasnt yuzu flavour, but I hadnt even thought to. Cherry and unflavoured were so much better. They were palatable, bordering on almost tasty. Yuzu was not. It tasted like salty acid, and I kept meaning to update the order so I wouldnt continue receiving it, but somehow, I managed to forget every month. There was no point in wasting it, though. As much as I wanted to tip it down the sink, I forced myself to finish the horrible recovery drink and swallow the final mouthful of the protein bar. I was unsatisfied by both, and I frowned as I walked towards the recycling chute on the wall. I wanted more food, but I could wait for that. My craving for another drink was almost impossible to ignore, though. Unflavoured, I decided, scanning the labels on the bottles in the fridge door before plucking one out and taking a long sip. That helped me feel better, and I sent the tub of pasta one last yearning look before letting the door shut. La Lieux would be good, though. It would probably be more satisfying than anything in my fridge, and Id be there with my team. That was good. It always helped. When I was alone or just with Aurora, I always felt out of place in fancy places. I should have gotten used to it by then, and I knew that, but it still felt like someone might walk over to me at any moment and tell me I had to leave. I didnt go to that many posh restaurants, though. More often than not, I avoided them and chose cheaper places where I blended in more. Or I just stayed home and ate whatever the chef had prepared for me. That was generally better. At least when I was at home, people didnt stare at me. That always made me uncomfortable. The attention was unsettling. Sometimes, people would come over and ask me to sign something, and I hated that. My handwriting wasnt good enough. I tried. The first time someone had asked me for it last year, I was so taken aback. They caught me unprepared, and all I could do was scribble on the picture of me they had. It was barely legible, and I still feel bad about that. Id practised my autograph so much that evening. I wrote until my hand cramped, and even then, I refused to stop. It didnt seem likely that anyone would ask me for it again, but I wanted to be ready just in case. And it was a good thing Id done that. People had started asking me to sign things fairly regularly ever since, and as awkward as that made me feel, the fans were much better than the ones who hated me. Some still supported my team; they just didnt like me specifically, and I wasnt sure why. I tried not to take it personally, just like Aurora said, but it was hard when they were saying they didnt like me personally. The hecklers were always hard to deal with. The ones who came up to me and told me I didnt deserve to be on the team or felt the need to mention some of the saves I failed or the times Id missed easy shots. My heart sank as my hand tightened around the glass bottle. The last time had been particularly bad. I was just trying to eat, but that man, who was easily thirty years older than me, felt the need to come up to me. I could still remember the way his face slowly turned purple as he hurled insults at me, showering my food with spit. For a moment, I was sure he was going to hurt me. He hated me so much that I was convinced he was going to try and do something to have me kicked off the team or forced to retire. People seemed to forget that I was just a kid. That was all I was. Just a kid trying to enjoy a meal out with her friends. I stopped going as much after that. It just stopped being worth it. I stopped meeting up with my old friends too, the ones who didnt play. They didnt really get what it was like. Aurora did; shed been through the same thing, but I couldnt really talk about it with anyone else. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. Sadness made swallowing the rest of my drink almost impossible, but I forced myself to do it before crossing the room towards the recycling chute once more. Dizziness hovered at the edge of my mind, trying to tempt me into leaving again. Part of me wanted to. I didnt want to be in a world where people screamed and shouted at me. My mom did that to me in real life sometimes, and I didnt want it to happen anywhere else. The platform within the chute sunk slowly as I watched, keeping my breathing deliberate and deep. I was being silly, and I knew it. Id just helped the team win the championship again. I was a champion. Surely people couldnt hate me after that, right? I just needed to forget about that man and the other ones and enjoy my evening. A smile grew on my lips, the movement only a little forced, as I turned and started to walk out of the kitchen before something caught my eye. Apples. Red ones. I knew just from looking at them that they were perfectly ripe and almost too sweet. That was how I liked them, but my mom always judged me for it when I lived at home. They were too high in sugar, according to her. That was one of the best parts about having my own place. I could stock it with food that I enjoyed, and I didnt need to worry about anyone shaming me for what I was eating or trying to guilt me by saying theyd been looking forward to eating it for ages. I always hated it when my mom said that. If something had been in the fridge or cupboard for days, sometimes even weeks, why hadnt she eaten it yet if she was really looking forward to it? Why did she only feel the need to mention she wanted it after Id already finished it? An irritated sigh slipped out of my mouth, and I shook my head as I started to walk through my apartment. It was fine. Not an issue anymore, anyway. I didnt need to worry about that or anything. I could eat whatever I wanted. Well, not exactly. I still needed to be healthy, but the coach did make me sit through a four-hour workshop with the club dietitian when I first moved out, so I mostly knew what I was doing. I rarely cooked for myself, anyway. The club chef delivered meals to my apartment every couple of days, so I didnt really need to do anything more than throw them in the oven. Cooking used to be something I enjoyed. My mom was never really a fan, so I did it more often than not at home. It was weird to get used to not doing that anymore, but I wasnt complaining. It was so much easier not to have to. When I left the team, if I got kicked off or retired, it would be hard. Id gotten too used to not cooking in the relatively short time Id had the chef there to do it for me. Going back to having to cook every day would be exhausting. I wasnt sure that Id be able to do it, even if I had nothing to do all day. As long as I stayed on the team for a few seasons, maybe a couple of years, Id be fine. That should give me enough money to be able to live somewhere nice and potentially hire someone to do it for me, but if I left earlier I couldnt go home. That wasnt an option for me anymore, not after living alone. The freedom, the happiness, I felt in my own space was unreal. It didnt feel right. It was too different, such a huge change from what I was used to, and it just didnt quite feel possible. I could feel myself, the real me, struggling with the concept of being so happy. It felt about as foreign as the new world did. My thoughts stuttered to a halt. For a moment, I couldnt do anything other than stare into the room I had just reached. The sheer size of it was shocking to me. The soft cream carpets seemed to stretch out forever until they reached the floor to ceiling windows. I barely even glanced at them before something else caught my attention. The bed. It was calling out to me, and I felt myself take a step towards it without even thinking. It was huge and low. The glowing LED strips underneath gently shifted and changed colours, the movement and pattern strangely soothing. It was hypnotising. I could feel my thoughts slowing, my body relaxing, and my eyelids becoming heavier as I took another step closer. The pile of blankets and duvets looked so soft and inviting. I knew it would feel so good to curl up under them and let the world pass me by as I slowly drifted off to sleep, but I couldnt. I didnt have time. There was too much I needed to do before I met up with my teammates again, and if I curled up under that heap of bedding, Id be late. No, not late. Id just never go. I didnt make the bed, I realised as I forced myself to turn away. The thought brought a smirk to my face, and I couldnt help but think that if my mom ever saw what a state it was, shed be furious. She would see it as a sign that I was doing horribly. That I was failing at life. For some reason, it was something she always insisted on. I had to make the bed each morning, and I had no clue why it mattered so much to her. I never felt the need to do it; it just didnt really make a difference to me. The bed was still usable even without the duvet being carefully smoothed out. It was just as wonderful to climb into at the end of the day. That was another thing I loved about living alone. I didnt have to make the bed or follow any other rules that made no sense to me. Part of me felt a flare of excitement at that thought. It wanted to be able to live like that, but it was only a matter of time. Id have that freedom and luxury soon. I just had to wait and My mouth fell open as I did a double take, staring out the windows at the city beyond. Id barely even glanced at it before, and I wasnt sure how it hadnt captured my attention before. It was so beautiful and strange. My apartment was high up. Although I knew that, I hadnt been expecting the view. The entire city seemed to stretch out around me. A few other buildings reached up into the night sky, flecked with small golden lights as the people inside went about their lives, but hardly any were as tall as the one I was in. My room must have been near the top, just based on how high up I was and how hard it was to see the ground. It was a little disorientating. I felt vertigo lap at me as one of my hands found the cold glass, leaning against it for strength. A worry shot through me, and I felt my body jerk. The phantom sensation of falling forward, the glass slipping from its frame and letting me tumble into the night, gripped my mind, causing me to step back. It wasnt real. I wasnt actually falling, but the worry was still there. Standing at a slightly safer distance away from the window, I continued to watch the city below. My mind oscillated wildly between wonder and confusion. Everything I saw looked simultaneously so new and strange but also mundane. There was nothing particularly different or bizarre about the view. Id looked out of the city every day since I moved there, but it still took me by surprise sometimes. It was almost like I couldnt quite believe it had actually happened, that it was real. My eyes followed a flashing red light as it zipped between the buildings below. I could barely see it, barely track its progress through the air, but I didnt want to look away. There were dozens, even more than that. Hundreds of lights seemed to dance above the street in their own choreographed waltz that I didnt know. They never crashed into each other, always managed to avoid it somehow, and it was mesmerising to watch. Drones, something told me. They were drones. I should have known that. I wasnt sure why it had taken me a moment to remember what they were. Everyone used them in the city, even if they were kind of rare back home. That place was way more rural, though. My parents barely even lived in a city, and basically none of the houses had receiver ports built into them. If someone did send me a drone, I had to either ask it to land outside or open my window and hope the device was small enough to fit in. But in the city? Everyone had ports. There was a glass cube built into the living room window, big enough for even the largest drone to land with ease. It was so handy, so useful to be able to have things delivered right to my apartment. Id lost track of the number of times Id ordered food and didnt want to walk to the front door to pick it up. At least with the port in the lounge, I could just rise from the sofa and walk a few steps when I wanted to. Maybe Aurora and I would order food later, I mused as I turned towards the bathroom. She would probably come over to my apartment when we got back from karaoke. Thats what we normally did after a night out with the team. Some people would stay out and go clubbing or to a bar, and the rest of us would head back to the apartment building we all lived in. A few people would head to bed, but staying up and watching trashy television all night was more fun. I was so glad Id met her. It was so nice having a best friend again. Id fallen out of contact with all of my other friends, really. I never had many, even when I went to school. People mostly ignored me there. It was a little different once I started gaining attention. An article was posted on me not long after I started playing for my first amateur league, and someone from school found it. I wasnt sure why they started being nice to me all of a sudden, but I worked it out pretty quickly. At least I had my teammates at the time. They were a little better, but most of them had been playing since they were kids. I was new; I didnt fit into their group, but that was a good thing. It meant I threw myself into practice more. I wasnt late because I was hungover or tired from the sleepovers I hadnt been invited to, and that meant I had more time with the coach. That helped. It made me better, more dedicated, but I knew Id missed out on some things. I just wasnt aware how much until Aurora. She was just as committed to the team as I was, though. That was the difference. We could have sleepovers, talk and have fun, but we also pushed each other to do better, and we didnt get jealous when one of us was praised, unlike with my old team. In fact, she kind of reminded me of Did Phoebe not exist in that world? I hesitated, stopping in the doorway of my bathroom, my hand on the light switch. Had we never met? Or had I left her behind when I dropped out of school? I couldnt even remember her. I had no recollection of the girl who mattered so much to the real me, and that broke my heart. How could she be so unimportant to me? And did that mean she was alone? I was her closest friend in real life. She didnt really have any others. There were people shed talk to in passing, but she wasnt close with them. She didnt feel comfortable around them, and that made it harder for her. If she didnt have me, would she have found someone else, or would she just be lonely? Pain shot through my chest, and I found myself reaching for my phone. Maybe I could find her online. She probably had social media or something. I could check it, see if she posted any pictures with friends and if not, perhaps I could reach out. I could invite her to a game and make friends with her all over again. My fingers froze above my screen. I couldnt do that. I knew I couldnt. It would be weird for me to reach out to some girl I didnt know in this world. Creepy. How would I explain it to her? How could I explain it to anyone? I couldnt. It would just look bad. Plus, maybe she was better off without me. Perhaps she had other friends and was happier. I hoped she was, at least. 4.12 Mismatched I shook my head to clear it as I slipped my phone back into my pocket and hit the light switch. It was ridiculous. The way I was acting was stupid. I hadnt gone to that world to spend the entire time missing and worrying about someone who wasnt even my friend in that world. If I was going to do that, I could have just stayed in reality or gone back to the Academy. I was lonely enough there. I didnt need to enforce it on yet another world. It was unnecessary. The whole reason Id looked for a new world was because I didnt want that. I longed for something new, for new experiences, happiness, and luxury, but I was letting myself slip back into my other personality, into my old ways, and I needed to be better. I had to try harder to push my feelings aside, and it would be fine. Oh. I couldnt help the word that slipped out of my mouth as I looked around the bathroom, my eyes widening. It was so luxurious. Shockingly so. I should have been used to it by then. My entire apartment was so opulent, and Id lived there for a little while in that world. I knew that, but I was still in awe. The white marble floor seemed to be inlaid with precious stones, gems that sparkled and glittered in the light. The sink and countertops were made out of the same material, but the walls were black marble with golden veins. Every single surface gleamed. The entire bathroom looked like it had just been scrubbed. Even the glass surrounding the shower was spotless. My mouth fell open as I stared into my shower. Jealousy started to build within me, and I knew it was stupid. It was just a shower, and I could use it at any time, but part of me still clung to the feeling. Why was it so big? No one needed a shower that big. The glass enclosure was larger than some bathrooms Id used before; it could have easily fit multiple people in there if it needed to, but it was just for me. I stepped forward, edging further into the bathroom as I stared in, unable to make sense of what I was seeing. Why were there so many shower heads? There was a cluster on the back wall and another giant rectangular one on the ceiling that stretched the entire length of the glass room. There was a bench. Confusion, tinged with a vague sense of longing, washed over me as my eyes found the marble seat built into the wall inside the shower. It was large enough that I could probably lie on it comfortably, but that seemed so strange to me. Why would I want that? Why would anyone? Id used it, though. Memories rushed into my head, fuzzy and hazy at first, but they quickly came into focus. It wasnt long after I first moved in. Id had a particularly tough practice, and I thought I was used to it. I always used to push myself during practices, but I had no idea just how much Nina expected of me. I wanted to make her proud. I needed her and Athena not to regret letting me join the team, so I forced myself to run faster. I threw myself after the ball, paid little attention to how hard I hit the turf and made myself bounce back up as fast as I could. It hurt. I barely had the energy to walk into the bathroom, much less stand for long enough to wash the sweat and blood off my exhausted body, but I knew I needed to. The relief Id felt when I collapsed onto the bench and spotted the control panel built into the wall next to it was so intense I almost wept. I did. My tears mingled with the water as I tapped the screen and directed all of the shower heads to point at where I was slumped against the cold stone. I hardly needed to move to reach for my shampoo and conditioner, and I was so glad. On more than one occasion, Id even fallen asleep on that bench, I recalled. It was foolish, and it scared me every time, but it happened far too frequently. I knew how dangerous it was. If I were to fall forward or slip, it could be bad. Especially if I hit my head. I lived alone. I could shout and shout, and no one would hear me. I would be stuck there, slowly bleeding out, until I either missed a practice and someone came looking for me or until Aurora got concerned because I wasnt replying to her texts. A shudder ripped through me, and I stepped back, shaking out my hands. Suddenly, I felt much more awake. My body was still drained, but my mind felt wired. The thought of lying on the floor of the shower in agony but unable to move as I cried out for hours made me not even want to risk it. I knew I had to. Quickly pulling my clothes off, I dropped them in the panel on the wall, sending them down to the laundry room before untangling the tie from my hair. My back and hands twinged at the movement, but I ignored the pain until Id managed to remove the elastic. My hair hardly moved. It stayed pulled back, held in place by the copious amounts of hairspray Id used before the match. Combing my fingers through it did very little. The solid clumps of hair pulled at the plaster on my hands, causing me to wince as I gave up. It never helped; only a shower would fix it, and I knew that, but I tried every time. I wasnt sure why, though. It was just something I did. My hands needed to be topped up before I got them wet, I realised as I glanced down at them. The spray plaster was good, but I could see a few gaps in the otherwise slightly shiny coating. Luckily, I had more than a couple of cans of the spray in the cabinet above my sink. Once I was sure they were protected, I placed the canister on the counter and turned towards my shower. A smile came over my face as I walked towards the glass doors and slipped inside. There was a moment of confusion as I stared at the polished pipes, trying to work out how to start the water before my eyes found the control panel on the wall. The waterproof screen came to life, offering me too many options that I didnt really understand, and I reached out, choosing one at random. Immediately, scaldingly hot water cascaded down on me, sending up a plume of steam that filled the shower in seconds. My body tensed as the urge to leap back out of the spray gripped me, but I forced myself to stay. A tight exhale slipped from my pursed lips as I slowly adjusted to the temperature, and I felt myself begin to relax. It wasnt that bad. The water was hot, obviously, but it was manageable. Actually, it was kind of nice. Instinctively, I reached towards the control panel again, adjusting the settings. More shower heads sprung to life, and I turned quickly to stop myself from getting sprayed directly in the face. The pressure of the water was punishing on my tired muscles. I didnt realise it until I turned, but it felt like I was being pummelled by a thousand tiny fists. It didnt hurt, though. The pain was strangely nice. It actually felt kind of good. Shimmying around, I tried to get the water to focus on the specific part of my lower back that complained every time I moved. That did hurt at first. I could only keep my back in the direct spray for a couple of seconds before the pain got too bad, but it didnt last long. Gradually, I felt my muscles begin to relax. The tightness faded again, and I let out a content sigh. I needed a shower like that in real life, I realised as I tapped the control panel again, aiming the water at my shoulder blades. I barely worked out in that world compared to the world I was in, but I knew it would still do me some good. My body was tense all the time. I was constantly on edge and twitchy, and that couldnt be good for me. Being attacked by the water would help. Hair fell over my eyes as I dropped my head forward, but I pushed it back. The hairspray had melted, I realised before combing my stubby nails over my scalp, feeling my whole body sag. It felt better. Id barely noticed it before, but the hair had been pulling. It had felt so tight, and without it The urge to slump onto the bench and lean against the ice-cold wall for just a few seconds gripped me so tightly that I took a step towards it without even meaning to. The shower heads seemed to follow my movement, keeping the pressure on my back constant. I wouldnt fall asleep, obviously. I might let my eyes shut for a couple of seconds, but nothing more. I wouldnt actually sleep. I jerked backwards, my hands clenching into fists. It was a stupid idea. If I sat down, Id fall asleep. It happened every time, and it was going to end badly. I was too aware of that. I couldnt risk it, and I didnt have time to nap, anyway. The taxis would be there before too long, and I still had to do my makeup and dry my hair. It felt almost impossible, though. I reached for the bottle of shampoo resting on the lip above the bench, purposefully not looking at it as a yawn so big it made my jaw click forced its way out. I did want a nap. I really wanted one, but I couldnt. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. I had to leave the world. That would make things easier. If I went back to reality for just a bit, I could let my body continue showering on autopilot. It would be able to resist the urge to fall asleep better than I could, and I could check to make sure I was still packing in reality. I probably was, but the idea of my body just sitting there on the floor with piles of clothing dotted around me terrified me. What would happen if my mom walked in and saw me there? A chill slipped down my spine. It wouldnt be good. She would want to know what I was doing and why I wasnt packing, and I wouldnt have an answer for her. Shed assume the worst. She would immediately think that I was doing something terrible or Another groan slipped out of my mouth in one of the worlds; I wasnt sure which. I really didnt want to do another drug test for her. They never showed anything, obviously, but that was rarely enough to convince my mother. She always suspected the results were wrong or that Id somehow managed to manipulate the results. Dizziness dragged me down into reality, and I felt my hand clench into a fist around the socks I was in the middle of bundling together. Queasiness pulled at me, making it hard for me to breathe, but I waited, listening carefully as the world slowly became more solid. There was nothing out of the ordinary there. I couldnt hear anything particularly concerning. The TV was still on downstairs. It was a little quieter, but I could still hear almost every word the newscasters were saying. And there were bangs coming out of my moms room, I realised as I stared in that direction. Another one sounded, and I felt my eyebrows slowly pull together. It didnt sound like a fight, I didnt think. I didnt have much experience with that in my real world, but part of me was certain. She was making the noises herself. They probably just happened as she packed or something. I was safe. No one was coming to check on me, and I wouldnt have to do another drug test. Relief washed over me, and I fell backwards towards the side of my bed. My spine hit the wooden frame hard, and I hissed in pain, recoiling away from it. Rubbing the still tender spot, I found myself wishing that the shower in the room across the hall was the same as in my other world. Even if it was half as good, I would have been happy, but it was not. Disappointment made me want to leave the world immediately, to return to the one where I was still being battered by the water, but I forced myself to stay. It was too soon. I couldnt go back until I was no longer at risk of falling asleep in there, and that would be another few minutes at least. That meant I needed to continue packing. My eyes found the pair of socks in my hand, and I stared at them blankly. They didnt match, and I wasnt exactly sure what to do about that. It didnt really matter, and I knew that. I didnt wear matching socks every day, and they needed to be washed anyway, but if my mom saw it, shed get annoyed. Mismatched socks were yet another thing she hated, just like unmade beds. It wasnt worth the argument it would cause, I decided as I separated the pair and began looking for their missing halves. I froze, my hands falling still. My mom didnt really care about me not making the bed or wearing socks that didnt match. She made snide comments about it sometimes, but she didnt get too annoyed. In the other world, the one I was fighting not to return to, she did, but not in reality. The thought had just slipped out, though. I didnt even realise Id mixed them up for a few seconds, and that unnerved me. I shook my head, trying to push away the weird feeling that lingered at the back of my mind. It felt like I was trying to recall a memory that was just out of reach. It was gone, impossible to recover, but it still pulled at me, and I hated it. It felt wrong. Id just been there too much; that was probably it. I hadnt spent that long in the other world, but I was too connected to it. It was what I wanted, the life I wanted, and that was probably why details were getting muddled for me. That made sense. As long as I was careful not to let it happen again, it would most likely be fine. A loud, sudden noise in the distance made me jump, and my head snapped up. It was just my grandfather laughing at something on the television. I was getting paranoid. Twitchy. I knew that, but I still couldnt stop myself from jumping when a thud came from further down the corridor. It was my mom again, and I listened carefully, worry starting to creep into my mind. I was pretty sure she was fine, though. Shed been making so much noise since wed come upstairs, and it felt intentional. It had to be. She was never normally that clumsy. Maybe she was doing it on purpose, just like with the floorboards before. Perhaps she was hoping that if she made enough noise, her parents would realise she wasnt asleep yet. They might invite her downstairs to hang out with them, but I knew they wouldnt. She might not have been doing that, though. It might not have even occurred to her, but the thought still made me sad. She was so desperate for even the smallest scrap of love or attention from her parents, but they didnt give it to her. They never did. An uncomfortable feeling gnawed at my stomach. I was sad for her, but it was strangely conflicting. Part of me hoped it would make her realise how badly she treated me, but I knew it wouldnt. Her parents always treated her horribly. It happened every year, but the moment we got home, she just continued to act the same way she always did. I could feel myself starting to pull back from the world. It was becoming fuzzy around me, and I didnt bother fighting. I didnt want to stay. My steps faltered slightly as dizziness pulled at me, and my hand shot out, grabbing the door frame for balance. I clutched my towel tightly with my other hand, struggling to keep my eyes open as my gaze tried to find the windows. It was impossible to see through them, and I tried to ignore the panic that thrummed in my chest as I swayed. The windows were coated, I told myself over my racing heart. The paparazzi-controlled drones wouldnt be able to see through, and I knew that, but I was still scared of them getting a picture of me stumbling around. The news would run with it, especially if my towel fell off. Id be bombarded with accusations of being drunk or on drugs, and every single outlet would speculate whether I was fit for the team. That wouldnt happen, though. The panic started to fade as my vision cleared. Athena had assured me of that when I first moved into the apartment. Every single window was coated with something that made it impossible for anyone to see through to us. The paparazzi knew that, and they barely even tried anymore. I was fine. Still, I kept a tight grip on my towel as I crossed the room towards my wardrobe, shutting the door once I reached it. Luckily, there were no windows in the fairly large room. It didnt feel stuffy, though. The only light was from the chandelier that hung in the centre, but it was reflected in the giant mirror on the far wall, making it seem like there were two. My gaze roamed the other three walls, taking in the rows of clothing, shoes, and accessories. There was so much stuff, and I couldnt stop myself from taking a step towards the nearest rack of clothes and reaching out. The red sleeve was softer than I expected, and I didnt even need to try the dress on to know I didnt want to wear it. It wasnt my style. Nothing in the room was. I looked around again, discomfort building in my stomach. It seemed like every item of clothes was something that Id like to wear but would never be able to. I knew I wasnt confident enough to pull them off, and I didnt even want to try. My body was different in that world, leaner and more muscular, but that didnt matter. The thought of wearing anything that made me feel so on display still terrified me. They didnt really even feel like my clothes, I realised as I walked along the rack, eyeing the items closely. It was more like Id been dropped into a different house. I was nothing more than a child playing dress up in someone elses clothes, someone who was much older and cooler than I would ever be. Someone like Athena. Id never be able to wear such tight and revealing outfits. But why not? The question floated into my mind, taking me by surprise. I had the body for it in that world. Sure, I was still a little too thin and lanky and not quite as toned as I wanted, but I didnt exactly look bad. Hesitantly, I turned towards the mirror, examining the arms and legs that were sticking out of my towel. Jealousy bubbled in my stomach, and a vague sense of wrongness pulled at me as I stared. It felt like deja vu. Like Id lived that moment before, but I was pretty sure I hadnt. Not really, anyway. I looked similar in that world, almost identical to how I did in reality. All of the changes were so small and subtle that I wasnt sure if I was even seeing them. It was more like an optical illusion, a trick that made it impossible to compare my body there to my real body. There were more scars and bruises on my legs in that world, but it made sense. I was training constantly, being tackled and thrown about. That was bound to cause marks, but I didnt really mind them. They werent blemishes or anything bad. They were just proof of my hard work, and that kind of made me like them. The urge to drop my towel and scrutinise the rest of my body tempted me, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. It felt wrong, invasive, but also dangerous. I didnt want to see the body I could have if I just worked harder. That would just make me hate how I looked in reality; I was sure of it. I pulled the towel tighter against my body as I turned away from the mirror. I needed to get dressed. Thats what Id do. I would just leave the world again and let myself choose an outfit to wear at random, and then Id go back. Id do the fun parts of the night out and skip the boring parts or the bits that made me anxious. But still, I felt myself hesitate. I glanced back at the mirror, staring at my reflection for a little longer than I meant to. It was hard to drag my gaze away. My movements were uncertain and resistant, and I couldnt help but wonder if I should just ignore the small voice in the back of my head that told me to leave. A buzzing noise cut through the world, and I automatically started to pull away. A relieved smile pulled at my lips as the room in my grandparents house came into focus, and I glanced down at my phone. 4.13 So, what are you wearing? The text slowly came into focus, and I felt a smile grow on my face as I stared at it. Hey, hows it goig? Was Duncan drunk? Or was it just a typo? I wasnt sure, but I assumed drunk. It was the summer holidays, and it was kind of late, after all. He was probably at a party or something, so it would make sense if hed been drinking. My fingers hovered over the screen as I reread the message, trying to work out what to say. It wasnt a particularly difficult text to reply to, and I knew that, but it still made me a little nervous. Pretty good. How about there? I typed, reading the message again before hitting send. That seemed like an okay response. It wasnt too boring, I didnt think, and it should keep the conversation going, which was good. I nodded to myself, trying to ignore the anxiety that bubbled in my stomach. Id texted Duncan before. Lots of times, actually. It would be fine. Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I locked my phone and glanced up at my suitcase. Surprise slammed into me, and I almost did a double-take before looking around my room. The seemingly endless pile of clothes Id dumped on the floor earlier was gone. There was nothing but empty carpet where it should have been, and my suitcase was almost full. Both of my suitcases were full. Id even zipped one up and put it by the door. I didnt remember doing that, but it was right there, ready to be taken downstairs in the morning. I was kind of impressed by myself. Normally, packing took forever. It was a never-ending and mind-numbing task, but Id gotten it done while not paying any attention. I hadnt even been in the world. I stood slowly, looking around my room again. There were a few of my things still scattered around, like my charger, which was still plugged in next to the bed. That could stay there for now, though. Id need to use it overnight. There were probably other things, though. My makeup bag was still out, and so were my straighteners, I realised before grabbing them and dropping them next to the still-open suitcase. There had to be more, I thought as I unlocked and glanced at my phone distractedly. Duncan hadnt replied yet. He hadnt even read the message. Had I done something wrong? No, I told myself quickly. I was being ridiculous. It hadnt been long since I sent it. He was probably just talking to someone or busy or something. My eyes scanned the room again, searching for something to distract myself with. The wardrobe. Had I taken my dresses out of it? I paused, trying to remember. My mind was empty, though. I had absolutely no recollection of doing that, but then my memory of packing was spotty. There were gaps and bits missing, but that was probably just because I hadnt been paying any attention to what I was doing, so that made sense. I could have emptied the wardrobe without even noticing, and I knew that, but I still crossed the room to check. Pulling back the doors, I stared in at the sparse collection of dresses squeezed into the space next to some of my uncles old clothes. Theyd been in there ever since I started sleeping in his childhood room, and I always found it kind of weird. He must have grown out of the dark red coat that took up far too much space decades ago, and it smelt so musty, but it was still in there. Id mentioned them to my mom once. I dont know why I did it or what I was hoping would happen, but shed reacted strangely. She snapped at me, telling me not to move it or touch it, and I promised her I wouldnt, but there was no way I could keep that promise. I had to know why I wasnt allowed to. There was nothing particularly noteworthy about it, though. I carefully lifted it out of the wardrobe later that evening, waiting until I could hear soft snores coming from her room. A label with my uncles name had been sewn into the inner collar, but other than that, I couldnt see anything about the item that seemed special. It was just a coat. I went through the pockets too. Maybe I shouldnt have; it felt a little invasive and wrong, but there wasnt much in them. A handful of coins was in one pocket, a crumpled pack of cigarettes in the other, but what surprised me most was the silver compact in the inside pocket. He never really struck me as a vain person, but maybe he was different when he was younger. Or maybe not, I considered as I began pulling my clothes out of the wardrobe and dropping them on the bed. Perhaps he didnt use it very often. It was kind of dusty on the mirror inside, but maybe that was just because of how old it must have been. My phone vibrated quietly, and I dumped the dress Id been holding on the pile on the bed before grabbing it and scanning the typo-filled message. Prettty good, Duncan had replied. Wish you were here thoguh. You up to much? I hesitated, chewing on my lower lip. Indecision filled me as I stared at the screen blankly, trying to work out what to say. My fingers began to move as I typed out a message before changing my mind and deleting it. I wasnt sure why, but nothing I thought of felt good enough to actually send. It just felt boring or uninterested or far too flirty, and I didnt want that. I just wanted the message to be normal. Phoebe would know what to do, I realised before tapping out of Duncans message and finding the ones from her. Part of me didnt want to text her, though. It felt like a silly thing to be so torn over. It was too small. Id texted Duncan hundreds of times, more probably. He wasnt saying anything unusual; I was just thinking too much about it. Slowly, I returned to Duncans message and paused, glancing at my bedroom door. I held my breath, listening carefully for signs that my mom could be waiting just outside, ready to barge in and snatch the phone from my hands. She wasnt there, though. I was pretty sure she wasnt, at least. There were no more bangs coming from her bedroom either, though, and that worried me a little. Id just be careful, though, I told myself. If I hear anything, Id drop my phone and go back to packing. It would be fine. I wasnt doing anything bad. Oh yeah? I typed before pausing for a second and looking at the door. Not much, really. Just getting ready to leave. Were going in the morning. You? My stomach fluttered as I hit send, but I forced myself to ignore the sensation as I locked my phone and dropped it on top of the dresses on my bed before hesitating. Why was there a heap of clothes near my pillow? I had no recollection of putting them there, and I padded around the bed towards them, sifting through them quickly. Pyjamas, I realised. I must have left them out earlier, so Id have something to wear tonight. That was smart. Well, it wasnt exactly smart, just a necessity, really. I had to have something to wear. I couldnt sleep naked; that felt weird. Concern pulled at me, and my eyebrows pulled together as I looked at the pyjamas again before turning and scanning my room. An almost silent groan slipped out of my mouth, and I let my head drop back in frustration. I had somehow remembered to leave our pyjamas, but I hadnt considered what I was going to wear tomorrow. The suitcase was so well packed. It was so neat, and I had to wreck it by digging around to find something that was at least mostly clean. I tried to be careful, lifting items aside as I pawed through the bag, but it still looked untidy by the time I was finished, which was a shame. Id done such a good job with the packing, better than ever, and now it was ruined. My disappointment was forgotten quickly, though. A buzz came from my phone, and all thoughts left my mind. The only ones that remained were about Duncan. Yeah, of course! You know I alwasy have more fun with you here, read the first text, and I bit my lip to hold back a smile as I watched the bouncing dots that indicated Duncan was still typing. Luckily, I didnt have to wait long. Just got some friends around. Were playing mario party. I paused, trying to ignore the growing anxiety in my chest as I replied. I do too. Hows the game going? Duncans response was immediate. The sheer speed of the dots appearing again brought a smile to my face that I couldnt hide. Bad. I was winning the last game for like the whole time, btu the bonus stars at the end screwed me over so I had to do shots. So, he was drunk. That made sense, I thought with a smirk. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Oh no, that sucks. Are you playing again? I asked. Yeah, he texted. Hows it going? Was I replying too quickly? The question seemed to come out of nowhere, and I froze, staring at the dots on the screen. I didnt think I was. We were having a conversation. It felt normal to respond to him as he sent the messages, and he was replying just as fast, so it was probably fine. I just didnt want to seem too desperate or eager. It wasnt something Id ever worried about with Duncan before, though. Eh, who knows? read Duncans message. Its fun though. I think we should play next week. You still on for our date? A smile pulled at my lips as I typed out my reply. That sounds good. Yeah, Im looking forward to it. That seemed like a fairly safe response. I was pretty sure it was, anyway. Part of me was scared Id come across too strongly or appear too excited. I still wasnt convinced that Duncan actually meant that it was a date, and that made me cautious. But then, I didnt want to be too unenthusiastic either. That felt just as bad. I was looking forward to seeing him, though. I was nervous too, obviously, but it would be fine. Either, we were just going to hang out as friends, or I didnt know how to finish that sentence. Or something would happen. I wasnt sure what, and I didnt want to think about it too much, but it would be fine. Wed have fun. We always did. Panic started to build within me, and I felt the other world reaching out to me. Comforting dizziness made the world spin, but I pushed it aside. I didnt want to leave just yet. As excited as I was to go out with my team and celebrate our win, I wanted to keep talking to Duncan more than that. I could always go back to that world and return whenever my phone buzzed, but that felt wrong for some reason. It felt a bit like cheating, and I wasnt sure why. I looked around the room, searching for something to do whilst waiting for him to reply, and my eyes landed on the pile of dresses on my bed. It was probably a good idea to put those in my bag, even though I didnt really want to. I could do it whilst on autopilot, and I knew that, but nothing else jumped out at me. Luckily, my phone vibrated again before I had to make a decision. I stared down at the message on the screen, feeling my eyebrows pull together in confusion. So, what are you wearing? it read. How was I meant to respond to that? It came out of nowhere. Wed been talking about normal things, and hed only just brought up the date. Wed been a little flirty, but that text felt like it was on a whole different level, and it kind of scared me. Was that the kind of thing he expected to happen during our date? Panic sparked in my heart. I wasnt ready for that. I didnt want to do anything like that. Not yet, at least. Maybe Id feel prepared one day, but I wasnt there yet. Id never really even kissed a guy in my world. I didnt want to go straight from nothing to that. It felt terrifying. Texting was a little different, though. It wasnt anything physical, and maybe it was just slightly more intense flirting. Perhaps it was a normal thing to ask people when you were being playful, and Id just never experienced it before. Not in reality, anyway. The other versions of me had done that before. Theyd done much more than that. Should I answer him? I had no clue. Part of me wanted to, kind of, but I wasnt sure what Id even say to him. My fingers twitched above the keyboard on the screen as I tried to figure it out. I was still wearing a dress, but was that a good enough thing to say? It wasnt exactly sexy, and thats what I was trying to do, I was pretty sure. But then it felt weird to lie and say I was wearing something else. I could leave the message. I didnt need to answer it. Instead, I could just pretend I didnt see it, and then in the morning, once hed sobered up, hed see it and apologise or something? But that didnt feel right either. I had no clue what the right thing to do was, and I didnt know what I wanted to do. Phoebe would know how to respond. She was better at that kind of thing, and it felt like a big deal. It was worth texting her over. Having a plan made me feel a little better, and I closed Duncans message, finding the thread with Phoebe. I had just begun to type when another text came through. Shit! Sorry! Ignore that! Duncans message read, and I hesitated before clicking on it. The dots popped up again, showing that he was still typing, and I waited. His apology made me feel a little better, but I was conflicted. Worry warred with my relief and made my head spin. What if he sent that message to the wrong person? Had he meant to send it to someone else and accidentally clicked on my name, only realising later? He was drunk, after all. It was an easy enough mistake to make, but that realisation made me feel worse. Was that the kind of text he sent people? Was that how he flirted? I wasnt sure. It seemed scary and too mature, but maybe I was just too inexperienced to know. Perhaps he hadnt actually been flirting with me the whole time. He was just being nice, and I misinterpreted it. Harry stole my phone and sent that, Duncan texted. Ignroe it. Hes just being a dick because I got distracted by your text and lost the last minigamr so he didnt have enough coins to get the star. Relief crashed into me, and I sagged against the side of my bed, smacking my spine against the bed frame again. I barely even noticed the pain as I typed out my reply. Dont worry! Sorry you lost the minigame because of me. I paused, reading the message again. Was he lying and just trying to cover it up because I didnt reply quickly enough? No. I was pretty sure that wasnt what had happened. I knew Duncan well. It didnt seem like the kind of thing hed do. My phone buzzed just seconds after I hit send. Worth it, Duncan had replied. A smile appeared on my lips as I stared at my phone. Uncertainty still simmered in my heart, but there was something about his message that made my stomach feel strange. It felt like Id missed a step going down the stairs, or I was stuck in the moment at the top of a drop tower where everything was still and weightless. Dizziness tugged at me. The other world was calling out for my attention, but I hesitated. Should I reply to Duncan? I felt like I should; it felt rude not to, but then there wasnt really anything I could think to say to him, and that made me uncomfortable. I looked around the room, my mind spinning as anxiety thrummed within me. Later. Id work out what to say to him later. That was fine. He was probably busy hanging out with his friends and would expect me to reply straight away either. I read Duncans text one more time before locking my phone and letting myself slip back into the other world. Noise immediately assaulted my ears. Loud, overlapping voices were vying for supremacy, and I felt my body tense instinctively, sending pain shooting through my lower back. My eyes darted around the room, searching for my mom amidst the loud noise. But she wasnt there. The only people around me were my team. Relief coursed through me, and I felt the tension drain from my muscles as I glanced around the room again. I didnt recognise it, but I was pretty sure we were in La Lieux. The cream walls with navy and gold accents had the same vibe as the rest of the restaurant. We were probably just in a private room, and I wasnt sure if Nina or Athena had booked it specifically or if the waitstaff had taken one look at us and realised we were far too loud and boisterous. If we sat out in the main restaurant with all the other diners, wed probably disturb them. It was smart for us to be kept away from them. A large bowl was placed in front of me, and I glanced over my shoulder at the waiter. Thank you, I told him. Enjoy, came his response, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment longer than necessary. A smile pulled at my lips as I enjoyed the interest in his gaze. It was something I didnt really experience often before I joined the team, and I wasnt sure why. People suddenly knew who I was, and that made them more likely to check me out, but there was something else too. I was different. I had become confident. I no longer looked away the moment I met someones gaze. It was still uncomfortable to me, obviously, but I could hold it without panicking. And I looked good. I knew that my body had changed. I looked better, and I actually wore clothes that suited me and that I looked good in. My mom hated most of them; shed made sure to tell me that in the last message she sent me, but I liked that. I was bound to get another message after pictures from our celebration hit the news. It was inevitable. I wasnt wearing anything particularly revealing, and the dress Id decided on was barely low cut, but shed still have something to say about it. I turned back towards the table, meaning to look at my pasta, but my eyes found Athenas. She was watching me, her expression intense. Slowly, her gaze moved towards the waiter, watching as he walked towards the door and paused for just a moment to glance back at me. Heat started to build in my cheeks, but Athenas eyebrows just pulled together, a troubled look appearing on her face. She didnt say anything, thankfully, but I knew what she wanted to tell me. Shed warned me before about how careful we had to be now that we were public figures. It was worse for me, more dangerous. I was still young, underage, and that made people view me as vulnerable. Some would be interested in me for completely genuine and innocent reasons, but not all. There were people out there who were motivated by less pure reasons. I already knew that, though. I was far too aware of the horrors of the world. Id see the comments about me online. The seemingly endless string of messages commenting on my body and what people wanted to do to me. It wasnt all online either. I wasnt that lucky. A shudder tore through me as I looked at my pasta, trying to stop my thoughts from going any further. The food looked great, I told myself firmly. I wanted to be able to eat a huge amount of pasta earlier, and Id finally be able to. It was going to be great. My enthusiasm was forced, but my meal really did look good. I leant forward, inhaling deeply. The scent of roasted garlic and sharp cheese soothed my mind, and I smiled as I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, almost entirely distracted from my earlier thoughts. Start without us, Nina called over the noise, looking at me and the handful of other girls who had already gotten their food too. I began to reach for my cutlery before pausing. It felt wrong to start when most of the team was still waiting, but no one else seemed too bothered by that. Heia had already shoved a forkful of salmon into her mouth, her eyes fluttering shut in delight as she chewed. Dont worry, Athena said, her eyes on me. The rest shouldnt take too long. You dont need to wait. Still, I hesitated before letting my hand close around my fork and glancing at the bowl of gnocchi before me. I didnt want to be rude, but it did look really good, and they had said I should start 4.14 Love you My fork froze just above a piece of gnocchi, and I looked around the table again. The thought of eating whilst everyone else waited made me so uneasy, but I had to do it. I couldnt ignore a direct instruction. That felt even more scary. I took a deep breath before spearing one of the potato dumplings and began to lift it. The herby breadcrumbs that the dish had been coated with clung to the sauce, but a few fluttered down, the movement strangely reminiscent of snow. Pausing again for just a second, I took another deep breath before taking a bite. The moment the food touched my tongue, my discomfort was forgotten. It was so hot it almost burnt my mouth, but I didnt care at all. The deliciousness far outweighed any pain it was making me feel, and I immediately stabbed another piece and shovelled it into my mouth. The creamy sauce was so thick and rich, and the crumb, whatever it was, was perfectly salty and garlicky. I had to eat more. I couldnt stop myself. All worries about being rude slipped from my mind as I let my eyes shut, savouring the flavour. More waiters appeared carrying the rest of the food, and my eyes darted around them, searching their faces as anxiety fluttered in my heart. But the waiter whod flirted with me before wasnt there, and I was kind of glad. His presence worried me, and I hated that. I didnt want to be anxious. I just wanted to have fun and celebrate with my team. Aurora rubbed her hands together eagerly as a waiter placed a large bowl in front of her, and I leaned forward slightly, trying to get a better look at her food. A slight flare of jealousy pulled at me, but I batted it aside. It was ridiculous. I could go to La Lieux pretty much whenever I wanted. I just had to remember to order whatever Aurora had next time. What did she order, though? I wracked my memory, trying to recall the name of the dish, but I couldnt. No matter how hard I tried, it remained a blur. Too many people had been talking at once, and Id been distracted. Athena had been paying too much attention to making sure people were ordering, and Aurora and I had tried to take advantage of that distraction by stealing one of the bottles of wine from the centre of the table. It hadnt worked, obviously. Athena took her job as team captain far too seriously. According to her, the title meant she was in charge of everyones safety both on and off the pitch. She was too observant, too smart, and I was pretty sure wed never successfully be able to trick her, but it was still fun to try. Plus, wed both be old enough to drink soon. Aurora was only one year away, and I was just two. What did you order? I asked, giving up on trying to remember. French onion orzo, she answered excitedly as she took a bite and sighed. Wanna trade some? I almost went for that. It sounded so good. I mean, how do you even make a garlic bread crumb? Is it just blended up garlic bread? I laughed, looking down at my plate and nudging the breadcrumbs with the tip of my fork. So that was what the flavour was. It had been vaguely familiar, but I hadnt quite realised that was what it tasted like. Id just been too distracted by how delicious it was. Yes! I cried, pushing my plate towards Aurora. I have no clue, but its really tasty. Here! Auroras smile grew as she reached out and took some of the gnocchi out of my bowl, pushing hers in my direction. I scooped up a forkful, managing to get it almost to my mouth before the small mountain began tumbling down. Luckily, most of the orzo managed to land in my bowl, and I quickly shoved the rest into my mouth before any more could fall. An appreciative noise slipped from my mouth as I chewed, relishing the savoury, almost meaty flavour. Id had French onion soup before. They used to serve it at La Lieux, and Aurora had told me I had to try it, but I didnt remember it ever being that good. The next time we visited the restaurant, I was definitely ordering the orzo, I decided. Okay, Aurora said. What are you doing tomorrow? Confusion washed over me, and I stared at her, trying to work out what she was talking about. Nothing I dont think? I replied unsurely. Great! Now you are. Were doing all three meals here, and Im getting the gnocchi for lunch and the orzo for breakfast and dinner. I laughed, drawn in by her plan. I wouldnt mind doing the same thing, but maybe Id switch the order and get the gnocchi for breakfast and dinner and the orzo for lunch. They normally had a different breakfast menu, but I hoped theyd changed it too. Sometimes, they had some weird stuff on there. It wouldnt surprise me if we could get one of the dishes for breakfast. Done, I told her. Thats so good. Im definitely going to order it at some point. How did they manage to get it to taste so similar to the actual soup? Aurora stared down at her plate, an almost adoring expression on her plate. I dont know, but the day La Lieux took their French onion soup off the menu was a dark day for all of humanity, she said in a sombre tone. I have mourned it ever since. I couldnt help but laugh. The look of genuine heartbreak that appeared on Auroras face when shed discovered they were no longer serving it was kind of funny. I was sad for her, obviously. Apparently, it was her favourite dish of all time, but shed said that about more than a few things in the past. Oh, I remember, I muttered, causing Aurora to smirk at me. She didnt reply, though. She was too busy eating. I grinned as I returned to my food, carefully picking out the pieces of orzo that had fallen into my bowl before starting on the gnocchi again. Somehow, the more of it I ate, the more delicious it got. Aurora was right. We needed to visit again soon. Maybe in the morning. The conversations around the table gradually grew louder as the bottles of wine began to empty. It was nice, in a way. The volume was almost deafening, but being surrounded by friends who were all talking so animatedly made my heart ache. I wished I could experience it more, even if Astorias shouting made me jump too often. She made sure to smile at me every time, but it was still startling. No way! someone cried, their voice far too loud for the room we were in. My body tensed, and my eyes darted around the room as my heart began to race. It was just my team, and I knew that, but it didnt make me feel much better. I was too warm, I realised as I leaned forward to take another bite. Some of my hair slipped over my shoulder, and I had to freeze, pushing it back before it went into my food. Irritation sparked within my stomach. Why hadnt I tied my hair back? That was a mistake. I should have known it annoyed me when I had it down and at least brought a scrunchie or something. That would have been the smart thing to do, but I hadnt even thought of it. My annoyance grew as more hair fell forward, and I tucked it behind my ear quickly. The movement caused the dry ends to trail on my exposed bicep, and goosebumps erupted on my arm as a shudder rushed through me. My hair was clinging to the back of my neck too, I realised. The thin layer of sweat coating my skin made me sticky, and I hated it. It seemed like I could feel every single hair, and the sensation made me want to scream. Why was I even sweating? It was a little warm in the room we were in, but it wasnt unbearable. I was just overheating for some reason despite the thin dress I was wearing. That wasnt helping my growing irritation, either. The thick waistband pressed uncomfortably against my stomach for no reason. It was my size. I knew that for certain. Id bought it recently, and Id only just started eating. I couldnt be bloated already. Or maybe it was the tights. I didnt always wear them, but Id decided to for some reason, and I was painfully aware of how much of a mistake that had been. The scratchy material seemed to pull at my skin any time I moved, and it was making my legs itch. They didnt normally. I was usually completely fine wearing tights, but suddenly, I wanted to rip them off. The dress too. The thought of pulling them both off right there in that restaurant was so tempting, but I knew I couldnt do it. My entire team was there, and theyd see. Not to mention the photographers outside. I needed to keep my clothes on until I got home. But the thought of having to stay in that outfit for the entire night sent desperation clawing at me. There was no way I could do that. Id be distracted and irritable the entire time. I needed to do something. Maybe I could head back to my apartment whilst everyone else headed to karaoke after the meal. Then, I could meet them there once Id changed into something less uncomfortable, and Id be able to have fun. I sucked in a breath. The thought of telling people that I needed to go home made my chest feel tight. My throat did, too. I tried to take another deep breath, but it seemed like nothing really happened. No air went into my lungs, and something was steadily wrapping around my torso, making it impossible to catch my breath. Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Was I having an allergic reaction? Was that what was happening to me? It did feel like my throat was swelling up, and there was no other explanation for that. My eyes scanned my dish before moving to Auroras. What had I eaten that was causing the effect? It didnt seem like there could be anything in either of the meals that I hadnt had before, though. They both seemed pretty normal. Okay, but what about Thursday? Tatiana cried, her voice breaking through my terrified thoughts and making me jump. Absolutely not. I was all I heard of Athenas response before she was drowned out by someone else whose voice was even louder. But hes definitely hotter now, right? Heia demanded, looking around the table for backup. Her eyes fell on me, and I felt my panic spike. She was looking at me for a response, but I had no clue who she was talking about. I hadnt heard the first part of the sentence, and I had no clue how to reply. My body took over, and I shrugged. The movement felt strange and unexpected, but Heia didnt question it. She simply threw her head back in exasperation and groaned loudly before turning to Astoria. I watched them arguing for a few seconds, the noise washing over me. I wasnt taking any of their words in, but somehow the familiarity of it made me feel a little better, and I sucked in a deep breath, feeling the band around my chest loosen ever so slightly. I was being ridiculous. I knew that. There was nothing wrong with me. I wasnt having an allergic reaction. It was just anxiety. That realisation surprised me. Obviously, Id experienced anxiety before, but it had been a while since it had been that bad. In that world, at least. In my real world, it happened more often, but it was fine. Everything was going to be completely fine. And Im just saying Rhea started, causing my head to snap around to watch as Nina interrupted her. No, she said firmly. I dont think its a good idea to force everyone on the team to get matching tattoos on their necks. It doesnt have to be on their necks, Rhea argued. It could be anywhere! My answer is still no. That is not something well be doing. And his brother, right? Heia continued, her voice rising above the rest. Hes hot, isnt he? Astoria sucked in a deep breath, her expression bored. I dont care, she said flatly. Hes about my age, Heia mused. Maybe a year or two older, but thats fine. I think wed be great together. Hes in his fifties. We could go on Friday before practice, Tatiana wheedled, causing me to look at her again, intrigued to hear what she was trying to convince Athena to do. If we leave at four, well be back before anyone even notices! Personally, I think its a great idea, Aurora agreed with a wide, innocent smile as her hand crept across the table. Its a horrible idea, Athena told them. And put that bottle down. Aurora released the bottle of wine shed been inching across the table towards her and sighed heavily before pouting in my direction. Next time, she mouthed, and I smiled at her halfheartedly. I felt barely aware of anything that was going on. Too many conversations were happening simultaneously around me, and they were all too loud. I could barely hear myself think over the noise, and that made it impossible to join in, causing my panic to return as my mind began to race. I didnt want to just sit there dumbly and not say a word. It was ridiculous. There was no point in me even being there if I wasnt going to join in at all. But how? How was I meant to do it? I longed to. I wanted to be able to talk and have fun like the others, but it felt like my mouth was clamped shut. No words could escape, and I wasnt even sure what I would say if I could. How was it so easy for everyone else, but I was struggling so much? My hand tightened around the fork as my palms turned slick, and it threatened to slip from my grasp. I could barely feel it, though. The warm metal cutting into me seemed distant and hazy as the world began to spin. Was I leaving the world? Or was I just slipping further and further into my panic? Had I gotten a taste of what it was like to be normal and have friends but couldnt handle it? Was that the issue? I was in a world where I had friends. There were lots of people who seemed to love me and enjoy spending time with me, but I couldnt do it. There was something wrong with me. It was all my fault. The real me. I was so out of practice, so not used to being around people, that my brain couldnt cope with it. It couldnt keep up, but that was just me. It was unique to the real me. The version of me whod lived in that world before I showed up had been fine. I had so many memories of team dinners, I realised. At first, Id found them scary and overwhelming, but then I got used to it. Having people around and having to keep track of so many conversations got kind of fun. I was even good at it, but then it had all changed. All because of me. A realisation shot through me as I felt my body move again. My mouth opened as I spoke, but I didnt hear any of the words. The reaction was clear. Pride shot through me as laughter spread around the table. Even Athena was smirking, and that just drove my point home. It was my fault that Id almost had a panic attack there. That version of me wasnt like that. She was better than I was, and my being there was ruining everything for her. She was fine. In fact, she was better off without me, and I knew that. If I stayed there, things would just get worse for her. I would continue to make things worse for her, and I didnt want that. I could see it happening already. She was beginning to revert back to the anxious person shed once been, and then what would happen to her? The real me, the one riddled with fear, would never be able to set foot on the pitch. Id never be able to play the sport I loved so much, and then what would happen? My stomach cramped as a wave of guilt so strong it made me nauseous slammed into me. I had to leave. I couldnt stay there when my presence was ruining someones life. That version of me had worked so hard for everything she had. It would be so selfish of me to rip it away from her just because I didnt want to stay in reality. A knock shattered my concentration, and I felt myself slip away from the world. The room blurred around me as I blinked frantically, worried that my mom was about to throw the door open. I had to be ready. I needed to be able to answer her when she spoke, and it felt almost impossible, but there was no alternative. Come in, I called out, my tone a little too high-pitched. As the door handle began to move, my gaze landed on my phone lying on the bed before me. My hand shot out, shoving it under my backpack, needing to get it out of sight before my mom saw. It felt unlikely that shed say anything, but if she did decide to look through it and noticed the message Harry had sent from Duncans phone, Id never be able to explain. She wouldnt believe that Harry had been the one to send it. She would assume it was just an excuse Duncan had made because I didnt reply immediately, and no matter what, she would be annoyed or judge me. I wanted to avoid that if possible. It shouldnt be too hard, I assumed. Things were scattered across my bed, making it look less like I was trying to hide anything. Surprisingly, Id finished with my second suitcase and had clearly moved onto my backpack. I must have tipped everything out of it and begun sorting the content into groups. It was a little surprising to see the sheer amount of trash I had been carrying around, including a pile of broken hair ties that I didnt even remember shoving into my bag. Hows it going? my mom asked as the door swung open. It was phrased like a question, but her tone made it seem more like a demand. Her eyes searched the room, seeming to be looking for something specific. Clearly, she was suspicious of something, but I wasnt sure if it was just how Id acted earlier or if there was a new reason she didnt trust me. Pretty good, I replied. Just need to finish this. Then Ive got a few things to grab from the bathroom, and Ill pack the rest in the morning. My moms eyes narrowed as they focused on the stuff scattered around me. My heart thudded painfully as I waited for her to demand to see my phone. Finally, she spoke. Good. Make sure you do. I nodded, unsure what else to say. Silence stretched over the room, and I felt a flutter of anxiety in my stomach. It was painfully similar to how Id felt in the other world before Id left, and I hated it. The urge to do something, to say something, reared within me. Hows your packing going? I asked. Her lip curled, and she stared down her nose at me. I finished yesterday. Oh, great, I said flatly. That was a lie. I knew it was. Id seen into her room earlier today, and there were clothes scattered on the floor. She just wanted to be better than me, to sound better than me, and I didnt care. The desire Id felt to keep the conversation going had disappeared, and I looked down at the things on my bed, waiting for my mom to either say something or leave. Well, its getting late, she said after far too long a pause. You should get some sleep soon otherwise, youre going to be a nightmare to wake up in the morning. I almost rolled my eyes at her. I had to fight not to do it, and I only just managed to win. That was why shed come into my room. She just wanted to make sure I was doing what shed told me to do and to remind me yet again that we were going out early. I know, I replied. Ive already set my alarms, and Im going to get ready for bed after Ive finished with this. My moms eyes narrowed even further. Good. Make sure you dont snooze them. Its a lazy habit for weak people. Okay. It was all I could say, and it felt like too much. Snoozing an alarm wasnt a lazy thing to do. I didnt think it was, at least. It was just something that happened. Not everyone could awaken fully alert and ready to get up. It was hard sometimes, and even she hit snooze occasionally. Id heard it. There was another moment of silence, and I began to carefully slide a book into my backpack, looking for something to do so I wasnt just sitting there awkwardly. I could feel my moms eyes on me as I moved, and the urge to ask her what she was looking at threatened me. Alright, she said after far too long. Im going to go to sleep now. Make sure you do the same soon, and dont spend too much time on your phone. Its not good for your eyes! I wont, I replied, trying to keep the relief that she was leaving out of my voice. Sleep well. You too. Love you. Love you too. 4.15 Embrace oblivion A sigh slipped out of my mouth as I stared up at the ceiling, trying to will myself to fall asleep. No matter how hard I tried, it just wouldnt happen, though. Id been lying there for what felt like an eternity, doing nothing but trying to sleep, but it still wasnt happening. Irritation flared within me as I rolled over and kicked at the duvet. It wasnt lying right, though. The feathers were all bunched up at the end, and no matter how much I kicked it, they still wouldnt spread out. I sighed again, throwing the duvet up into the air with my feet in a desperate attempt to fix it, but I knew it wouldnt work. I rolled over, pushing the duvet off me and letting it fall onto the floor. Annoyance pulled at me, but I didnt pick it up. The thought of doing that just made me even more irritated. I didnt exactly need it, anyway. It was already far too hot in my grandparents house, but I always found having a blanket or something on me was more comfortable, regardless of the temperature. It was almost impossible to fall asleep without something covering me. But I wasnt going to sleep, anyway. I barely even felt tired. Instinctively, I began to reach out for my phone before stopping myself. I longed to spend the night scrolling endlessly through social media or to text Phoebe. It would help pass the time, and I missed her, but I knew that would be stupid. My mom had told me not to spend all night on my phone, and she was already suspicious of me. Id heard her sneaking along the corridor, and if she peered under the door and saw the light from my phone, shed be so annoyed at me. I wouldnt be surprised if she confiscated my phone again. Shed only done that a handful of times before, and I was pretty sure every time she did, she searched every single app and photo I had on there. I didnt want that to happen again. There wasnt anything particularly scandalous, nothing my mom would be annoyed at me for, but I still hadnt deleted the texts from Duncan and Phoebe, and I wasnt sure how my mom would respond to those. Plus, if she took my phone, I wouldnt be able to use the apps Id been using to learn other languages. My streak would be broken, and it was going so well. I had just hit two weeks. I probably wouldnt have the mental energy to continue with them once I started school again, but I wasnt quite ready to give up on them yet. I let out a tight breath. If my phone wasnt an option, that meant I had only one thing I could do to distract myself and pass the time. I could go to another world. The image of the private dining room in La Lieux flashed behind my eyes, and I was gripped by a longing so strong that I almost gave in immediately. I missed my team. It hadnt been long since Id seen them last, but I still missed them. Those werent my feelings, though. It wasnt how I actually felt, I told myself. It was just the other version of me bleeding over into the real me. The emotions were getting jumbled up, but she was still there. She was still with her team, where she belonged, but I couldnt go back. The real me would just wreck everything for her. But then, what was I meant to do? I couldnt spend the whole night alone with my thoughts. It would drive me insane, and then Id never be able to drift off. Desperation sparked within me, the sensation frantic. If I was exhausted in the morning, that would just make everything worse. My mom was hard enough to deal with when Id gotten some sleep but without it? It was going to be horrible. Maybe Id be able to sleep in the car, though. I couldnt usually. Mom made me anxious when she drove, and she raged far too often. If I did somehow manage to fall asleep, she inevitably woke me up by shouting or swearing about other drivers. But perhaps if I was tired enough, Id just sleep through it. I might not wake up until we got home. Then Mom would definitely think there was something wrong with me, I realised with a snort. I had no doubt that shed make me do yet another drug test, but that was probably better than being awake all night and on the drive home. I flopped onto my back, my eyes roaming the ceiling before moving to the posters on the walls. It would be weird to sleep in my own bed again. I was looking forward to it. It was so much more comfortable than the one at my grandparents house. That was probably because it had been bought within the last decade. Actually, had it? I wasnt sure. I couldnt remember when my parents had bought me that bed, and I had no recollection of them ever getting me a new mattress. Had I had the same one ever since I stopped sleeping in a crib? That didnt seem right, did it? A groan threatened to slip from my lips, but I let out a huff instead. I was so painfully bored and restless. There was no way I could stay in that world, but I didnt know what else to do. The Academy felt like an obvious suggestion, but as soon as the idea came into my mind, I pushed it away automatically. Reluctance coloured my thoughts, making it hard for me to feel tempted to go back there. It was better than doing nothing but only just. If I was just going to be alone and sad there, it felt somewhat unnecessary. I could do the same thing by staying in reality. But I didnt know that was how Id feel there, I told myself. It might not be that bad. Perhaps Id get there, and Katie and Abbie would be out of the induction wing. They might have moved into my dorm, and then Id be happy. That was all I wanted. I knew I was lying to myself, though. The chances of them being out were so low, but it was the best option. I knew I was safe there. Id been shot, of course, but that didnt really count. It only happened once, and it was in class. It was my teacher shooting at me, not a stranger, so it was fine. It didnt mean I was in danger, unlike most of the other worlds Id visited. The dizziness that reached out to me was familiar. The sensation was soothing, and it was almost a relief to feel it slip over my skin, but it didnt quite manage to drown out my reluctance to return. My eyes opened slowly, and the light blinded me. I had to blink a couple of times to make my eyes focus, and it took me far too long to realise I was in my dorm room. The new one. Id only been in there a couple of times. It was still new to me. Well, it was still new to the real me. I wasnt sure how many times Id set foot in it whilst Id been avoiding the world. Time had passed. I could feel that, but I wasnt sure how long it had been. Hours, at least. Probably days. I wracked my memory, trying to figure it out. My brain moved sluggishly, taking far too much time to figure it out. Two days. Two days had passed since Id been there last, and that surprised me. I wasnt sure why exactly. I knew the world continued even when I wasnt part of it, but it hadnt felt like it had been days. What had I missed? Class, mostly, I realised. I could remember bits and pieces, flashes of teachers faces and information flooded my mind, and I drank the knowledge in. Id had some of the more regular classes; English and sciences had been pretty interesting, but they paled in comparison to the others. Psychology and forensics were my favourites, but Id really enjoyed politics too. That was a surprise to me. I expected to find it boring. I normally did in real life. It was normally just old men in suits blathering on about things that rarely mattered. They talked for hours but said hardly anything. The politics classes at the Academy were nothing like that. They were fascinating. All of the classes were. I came away from every last one energised yet exhausted. A spark of passion and excitement, a brief memory of how Id felt during those lessons, spluttered weakly in my heart before dying out. I was too tired, too subdued and distracted by the suffocating loneliness I felt in the Academy. It was stupid, and I knew that. I wasnt truly alone. Id been surrounded by other trainees, and they all seemed really nice and welcoming, but it wasnt the same. They werent my friends. Finally, I glanced over my shoulder at the rest of the room. I hadnt been able to do it before then. I didnt want to confirm what I already suspected, but both of the other beds were empty. They were untouched, and that meant Katie and Abbie hadnt moved in yet. I suspected it already, assumed that was the case, but having it confirmed was still disappointing to me. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. With a heavy sigh, I fell backwards onto the bed. I was bored. Even in a much more exciting world, I was somehow bored. It was almost impressive, but mostly, I was just annoyed that I had nothing to do. Well, not nothing. I could always go down to the library and grab a book to read, but that idea barely appealed to me. I wasnt sure I had the energy to face people. I was too tired, too drained. The thought of having to put a mask on and pretend not to be exhausted or sad was too overwhelming for me to even consider, but that left me with very few options. I could shower and get an early night or leave my room and do something else. The shower was the smartest thing to do, and I knew that, but it felt so boring. There were so many other things I could do if I was just better. But I wasnt, and that meant I was just going to spend another night alone in my room. That wasnt what I wanted. I didnt want to stay there if that was all I could do. Slowly, I felt myself beginning to drift away from the world, floating in an endless sea of nothingness. Where should I go? I didnt want to be in reality, but I couldnt stay at the Academy either, so where else? There were too many options, and I knew that, but most of them scared me. It was getting harder and harder to find a good world. Most of them ended horribly for me. Either I died or somehow managed to ruin everything for the version of me who lived in the world, and I didnt want to keep doing that, but I wasnt sure if I had a choice. Maybe it was unavoidable. Perhaps it would just be better for me if I gave in and allowed myself to be taken to some terrible world where I was about to die. That seemed like a horrible idea, I told myself, dismissing the thought immediately. It was too late, though. A sensation began to slip over me, the touch oozing and thick. It seemed to coat my brain, chasing away everything else. For a moment, there was nothing. My mind was still for once. My thoughts werent racing around or competing for my attention. It was just silent. A sigh of relief slipped from my lips as I felt the darkness slip deeper and deeper into my brain. It was so peaceful, so easy. If I just gave in and allowed it to take over, everything would be fine. Id never need to think again. I wouldnt worry about my mom or my grandparents or school or anything else. I could just float. The world would continue on without me, and wouldnt that be better? Id be happier like that. No. Something seemed to snap in my head, breaking the shadowy sensations grip on me. It retreated, the movements reluctant and sulky, seeming to promise it would wait. Once I was ready to embrace oblivion, it would be back to claim me. A shudder slipped down my spine as my thoughts returned in a jumbled rush. That wasnt what I wanted. The promise of emptiness wasnt right. I needed to stay in control and find a balance. Something that wasnt terrifying, but it also wasnt boring. I didnt want to be lonely or die, but it also didnt need to be too interesting. It only had to hold my attention for a few days, maybe a week, before burning out and being forgotten. Once my friends were out of the induction period, I wanted to return to the Academy, and Id be happy there again. Dizziness reached out towards me, the touch timid. It was new to me; that much was immediately evident, and it didnt feel particularly scary or dark. I let it come closer, feeling the front of my head start to ache slightly. It didnt really hurt. It felt more like Id stood up too quickly and had gotten lightheaded. That happened fairly often, but it wasnt unmanageable. I hesitated, fear building within me slightly as I examined the dizziness, but nothing else revealed itself to me. The only way Id be able to find out more about it was to go to the world, and as much as that scared me, I was also excited. The sensation began to wrap around me, pulling me into a new world. My vision blurred, and I stumbled as my foot caught something. A hand closed around my elbow, stopping me from falling as the person whose heel Id just stepped on glared at me over their shoulder. Sorry, I muttered to them, my head still spinning. Thanks. The blond boy beside me smiled as he let go of my arm. You know, I should really get paid for this service, he said, his expression thoughtful. Stopping you from falling on your ass is basically a full-time job at this point. I had no clue what to say to that. I didnt know the boy or the world. Our relationship was a mystery to me, and I wasnt sure how Id react to his words normally, so I settled for just rolling my eyes. It seemed to be the right thing to do. The boy smirked at me before jamming his hands into his pockets and looking forward again. I blinked, my vision still blurry, before glancing around at the world. The colours were slowly seeping into my surroundings still, brightening before my very eyes, and it was a little disorientating to see. It was better, though. I liked it when the worlds were more vivid. I was in a crowd, I realised. In a school. It wasnt my school, though. Not my usual one, at least. The foyer we were entering was entirely new to me. Or, it was new to the real me. The other me was very used to it. Shed been going there for years. The room was much lighter and more open than I expected from a school. Too much light streamed in through the giant glass doors at the front of the building, and the light stone walls made it seem even brighter. It was nice, I guess, but different from what I was used to. I didnt recognise anyone around me, either. Id never seen the boy beside me before in real life, but that made sense if I was in a new world. Maybe he didnt exist there. Or perhaps he did, but he lived somewhere far away. That would make sense. As we shuffled forward, moving slowly, I glanced down at my uniform. It was less boring than the one I wore every day. I had the same white button-down shirt, but the skirt was burgundy and pleated, and my jumper was the same colour. The crest on the jumper looked fancy, I noted as I read the words beneath it. Manor Park School. I was right. That wasnt the name of my normal school or any near my house back home. The hair on my arms stood on end as I looked around again. Something felt wrong. I wasnt sure what it was exactly, but there was something off. The atmosphere was strange, and that scared me. Had I made a mistake? Chosen the wrong world? Anything could be happening there, and there was no way for me to know for sure. We were about to go into an assembly; I was pretty sure of that, but what was it about? We hadnt been told, I realised. I could vaguely remember being in class and someone, another teacher, knocking on the door and telling us to come down. But why? My mind immediately jumped to the extreme. Someone was about to be sacrificed to some horrific monster. I dont know why, but that was my first thought. Was this world like the other? The one where Id been forced out of the town to satisfy a cruel and vengeful God? Or would I be forced to stand by and watch as it happened to another, knowing the pain they were about to face? No. The world I was in seemed different. It seemed more modern, less barbaric. They probably wouldnt sacrifice people there, and I was just being silly. Nothing was wrong; I was just overthinking things because the school was so different from what I was used to. That made sense. It was different. The kids were too loud. They were whispering and talking freely, and the teachers did nothing about it. Back home, they would have been shouting and handing out detentions until people fell silent, but the teachers around me didnt even seem to notice. They were just on their phones. Was that normal? I couldnt work it out. The rest of the students didnt seem bothered by it, I realised as we approached the doors to the hall. People were barely looking at them, so maybe the teachers were always just distracted. I tried to search my memories to check, but they were out of reach. I could feel them. They hovered just out of reach, taunting me. Take a seat! a teacher called as we entered the room. Squeeze up. The entire school needs to fit in! I glanced at him for just a moment before looking around the hall. It seemed like most of the students were already there. I assumed they were, anyway. There were already more people seated before me than in my school back home, and there was barely any space left. How many more students could there be? A projector was being set up at the front of the room, and the screen was pulled down. I couldnt remember that ever happening before. Were we about to watch a movie? Surely, they wouldnt take us out of class just for a movie, would they? What do you reckons going on? the blond boy asked me as we sat on the floor. Nolan, my mind informed me. No clue, I replied as I craned my head to watch the head of IT fiddle with the computer that had been attached to the projector. But I doubt Mr Hodgkins will be able to get that to work. Nolan snorted as the man stared at the blank screen behind him with an absolutely baffled expression before looking back at the laptop. I bet you ten bucks he cant. I felt a smirk appear on my face. Im not taking that bet. Its a guaranteed loss, I argued. Im not that stupid. Mmmm, okay, Nolan said, a thoughtful expression appearing on his face as he looked around the room. Alright. Ten bucks says Miss Vickers fixes it for him. I glanced at the teachers, my eyes finding the short woman immediately. She was normally the one who stepped in when our bumbling head of IT couldnt figure out simple tech, according to my memories, but she seemed distracted. She was staring at her phone, her thumb jammed into her mouth as she gnawed at the skin around her nail. Ill take it. I reckon Mrs Davidson will do it, though. It felt like a good guess. A better one than Miss Vickers, anyway. Mrs Davidson was staring at Mr Hodgkins, her expression growing steadily more impatient. Youre so on, Nolan told me. 4.16 Wreak havoc I didnt have to wait long to win the bet. Within seconds, Mrs Davidson let out an irritated sigh, which I could hear from even halfway across the room, and began storming towards the useless head of IT. A poor year seven student let out a squeal and scrambled backwards to avoid getting trampled, but Mrs Davidson didnt seem to notice. Her eyes were fixed on Mr Hodgkins, who continued to stare at the computer with a confused expression. He jumped as Mrs Davidson approached before pointing back at the blank screen behind him, seeming to have no clue why it wasnt working. I smirked as I watched Mrs Davidson. Her expression didnt change at all, but I could feel the irritation rolling off her as her mouth opened and she said something inaudible to him. Do you think she threatened to make him run laps? Nolan whispered as Mr Hodgkins leapt back, gesturing towards the computer with a concerned smile. Burpees, I replied. If she told me to step aside or do fifty, Id probably move that quickly too. Nolan snorted, but I barely looked at him as I watched our PE teacher fiddle with the computer. After a couple of seconds, she looked back at Mr Hodgkins, shooting him a disbelieving look before reaching around the side of the computer and plugging it in. Scattered laughter rang out around the room, but it was quickly drowned out by a deafening blare of sound that blasted from the speakers. I clapped my hands over my ears to block out it as complaints exploded around me. Mrs Davidson moved quickly, hitting pause and silencing whatever video had been playing. Quiet! she bellowed over the continued chattering. Most people fell silent, but there were a few who didnt. I didnt even need to look in the direction of the noise to know that the people talking were all from the netball team. Mrs Davidson wouldnt say anything to them. She always had a soft spot for the people she coached and let them get away with anything. Yes, thank you, Mrs Davidson, our senile head teacher said as he stood from the chair hed been slumped in before looking up at us. Take a seat quickly, please. A loud rustle seemed to travel across the room as almost every student turned to watch the last few students filtering into the hall. There wasnt much space left, meaning that most of them had to stand awkwardly in the middle of the aisle. Another teacher is pregnant, Nolan muttered under his breath. Thats what this is about. I let out a soft exhale that wasnt quite a snort. I didnt want to risk making that much noise and have Mrs Davidson call me out in front of the entire school. She was glaring at the audience, prepared to start yelling again at any moment. Usually, I wouldnt have said anything, but my mouth opened before I could stop myself. It wouldnt have made national news, though would it? I asked, eyeing the projector screen. Thats what had started playing before Mrs Davidson had paused it. The image took up almost the entire page, making it impossible to see any headlines or hints as to what we were about to watch. I guess not, Nolan replied. Unless a teacher that got a student pregnant. That could do it. Maybe they ran away together. Wait a minute! Nolan looked around, craning his neck as his eyes searched the crowd. What are you looking for? I asked him. Have you seen Ginny today? Didnt she go home early yesterday because she was puking? I rolled my eyes at him, buying time as I searched my memories, trying to recall anything that had happened the day before. It took me a few seconds to be able to access anything. Probably, but she misses school all the time, I said. I doubt shes pregnant. Nolans expression turned thoughtful. Maybe, he murmured, his gaze returning to the front of the room as the head teacher stepped forward again. I guess were about to find out. Thank you all for coming down here so promptly, Mr Stout called out, his voice wavering and frail sounding. Im sure youre all wondering why Ive interrupted your lessons, and frankly, Im not too sure myself. An urgent press conference was called earlier today, and Ive been instructed by the school board to share it with yourselves immediately. So Mr Hodgkins, if you dont mind? Mr Stout gestured towards the computer, looking back at the head of IT, but the man wasnt even looking at him. His eyes were fixed on his phone, and it took him a few seconds to even realise someone had spoken to him. Oh, yes. Of course, he said quickly as he rushed forward towards the computer again. Really? I muttered, leaning closer to Nolan. Mr Stout couldnt hit play by himself? Nolan snickered softly. Go easy on the poor man, he chided me playfully. Hes probably never used a computer before. They werent a thing when he was a kid. He probably grew up using an abacus and got all his news from telegrams or something. I laughed quietly, but the sheer idea of growing up like that baffled me. It almost didnt seem possible; it was so far removed from what I was used to, and I knew there were some worlds Id been to where the internet didnt exist, but I hadnt really spent much time there. Unrestricted access to the internet was something I was so used to. Id always had a computer or phone in real life and the world I was in, and the thought of not having that made me so uncomfortable that I felt myself shuffling, despite the source being mental rather than physical unease. Id never not been able to immediately find out the answer to any question I had. That information had always been there, within reach, and I didnt always do it. Sometimes, it was easier to ignore the nagging curiosity that demanded I uncover the secrets of the universes without hesitation, but that felt rare. Mr Hodgkins expression became steadily more panicked as we watched him try and press play. It took him multiple attempts, and he refreshed the page three times before the video started once more. no cause for concern, an extremely concerned-looking reporter announced, beaming into the camera as a thin sheen of sweat glistened on his face. The information revealed to the public by an unclassified source early this morning has caused uncertainty and concern to ripple through the country, but the Prime Minister is set to give a briefing shortly, and we expect that he will explain whether these documents and the threat mentioned inside are legitimate. For now, we go to Janet, who is standing outside one of the laboratories at the centre of this controversy. Hello Janet? Can you hear me? The screen split in half. On the left, the presenter stared expectantly into the camera, but the right side was far more interesting. A woman stood in a street, arguing with someone off-screen. There was a building in the background that was grand but unremarkable. I could have walked past it a handful of times and never really paid attention to it. It seemed to just blend into its surroundings. No sound played for a few seconds as the woman continued to argue. Her expression was furious, and she waved her hands wildly as she spoke, pointing at the building behind her several times. I longed to know what she was saying, but she was moving too much for me to even try to read her lips. The hall was almost silent. A few people whispered as we waited for something to happen, but most of us were just staring at the screen. More and more teachers were on their phones now, though. I realised that as I looked around. Their expressions were a mixture of confused, sad and angry, and I had no clue what to make of it. Part of me was scared. I didnt know what the reporter had been talking about when they spoke of a threat, but the way the teachers were reacting made me want to pull back from the world. I wasnt sure if it was the kind of place I wanted to be in. It was temporary, I reminded myself. I wouldnt be there for that long, so maybe it wouldnt be too bad, but the desire to just slip away before I even found out what was happening tugged at me. I couldnt do it, though. The curiosity was too strong, and I had to know more. I needed to know what the threat was and how bad it actually was. Then I could decide what I wanted to do, and it would be fine. If anything bad happened before then, Id just go back to reality. I could do that. It wouldnt be that hard. Uh, Janet? Can you hear me? the first newscaster said, chuckling nervously as the woman on the screen froze, touching her ear. Youre live. Her eyes darted towards the camera as a wide, clearly fake smile appeared on her face. She ran a hand through her slightly wild hair before reaching for something off-screen. Ah, sorry about that, Brett, she said into the microphone shed retrieved, her tone smooth and professional. We were having some technical problems, but I can hear you now. This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it. Fantastic, the other reporter, Brett, replied. Now, I know were still awaiting the Prime Ministers briefing, but youre currently standing outside the Simons Centre for Atmospheric and Solar Observation, the research laboratory at the centre of this scandal. What can you tell us about What the fuck? someone shouted from the front of the room, their voice blocking out the rest of the question. I craned my neck, trying to work out who had shouted, but it was impossible. Pretty much every other student was doing the same thing, and I was too short to see over their heads. Luckily, Nolan was much taller than me. Hed be able to see who it was. My mouth opened as I glanced up at him, preparing to ask, but to my surprise, Nolan wasnt staring at the person. He wasnt looking at the screen or even at me. His eyes were fixed on his phone. Uncertainty washed over me, and I hesitated before glancing at his screen. I didnt want to read his messages or invade his privacy, but I needed to know what was going on. I couldnt see anything, though. The angle I was sitting at made his screen nothing more than a darkened blur. That wasnt normal. Did he have some kind of screen protector on or something? I wasnt sure, but anxiety started to grow in my stomach. The feeling was distant, as if it didnt truly belong to me, but it was sharp nonetheless. Whats going on? I whispered as his expression became more and more worried. A scream seemed to echo through the speakers before he could respond, and my head snapped up just as Janets side of the screen turned black. Oh, Brett said, appearing shaken, but it was clear he was trying to hide it from the audience. Im not too sure what just happened, but I think Janet might be experiencing some more technical difficulties. Dont worry, Ive still got her on the line, and Im sure well get this fixed shortly. That was a lie. The slightly too high-pitched laugh that escaped Bretts mouth made that clear, and I looked at Nolan again, hoping hed have an explanation. Check your phone, he muttered, unable to look away from his screen. Ill send you this I fumbled, patting my pockets as I tried to work out where I kept my phone in that world. It took me a couple of attempts, but I found it. My hands were sweating as I unlocked it and glanced at Nolan, waiting impatiently for him to send me whatever it was that had captivated his attention. The buzzing of my phone made me jump, and I had to tighten my grip to stop it from slipping out of my hands. I should have been expecting it. Nolan said hed send me the article, but somehow, it still took me by surprise. The world is ending, I read out loud. This is a joke right? My heart jumped into my throat as I looked at Nolan again, expecting him to be grinning, but his expression was scared. I dont think so, he replied, finally looking away from his screen. I almost wished he hadnt. The pure terror in his eyes made my heart pound. It wasnt a joke. It couldnt be one, but I didnt get it. How could the world be ending? Ah, Brett said, sitting up straighter and touching his earpiece. Ive just been informed that the Prime Minister is preparing to address the country. Well have to check in with Janet afterwards, but for now, we go live to Number Ten. The image changed again. That time, Brett wasnt shown on the other half of the screen. The entire space was taken up with a shot of the podium outside the office of the Prime Minister in London. A quiet buzz of chatter came from the speakers, and I swallowed before staring down at my phone. My eyes refused to focus on the words, though. It was impossible to make sense of what I was reading, and my head was spinning, but I wasnt sure if the dizziness was normal or another world. Perhaps my mind was trying to protect me. It was trying to force me to leave the world before I heard anything else, but I didnt want to. I wasnt satisfied yet. The black door opened suddenly, and bodyguards seemed to materialise from nowhere as shouts erupted from the crowd waiting there. I barely had a chance to see the Prime Minister before they were blocked from view by the bodyguards, but they didnt have far to go. The podium was close. In less than a second, they were there. The bodyguards stepped away, staying at the edge of the screen as the man looked deeply into the flashing cameras. A jolt shot through me as I stared at his appropriately grim expression, my brain working sluggishly. That wasnt the Prime Minister. He was immaculately dressed, and he had the same haggard look about him that they always did, but he was not the man I was expecting to see. In fact, I wasnt expecting to see a man at all. The current leader of the country was a woman, wasnt she? Doubt flooded me, and the temptation to return to reality so I could check flashed through me, but the moment the man opened his mouth, it was outweighed by the need to stay. I had to hear what he was going to say. Thank you all for gathering here today, and for those of you at work or home, thank you for tuning in, he said, his tone low and sombre. I wish I had better news to share today, but unfortunately, the information that was released online earlier this morning has forced me to make this announcement sooner than intended. Voices rang out from the crowd, but the questions were overlapping and impossible to understand. Whispers burned through the room like wildfire, and I watched them, unable to do anything more than just stare. I felt distant, detached from my body, and there was nothing I could do to slip back into it. I was just a spectator, forced to watch as everyone else began to fall apart around me. There will be time for questions later, the Prime Minister called out over the shouting, holding up a hand to quieten the crowd. Once it had fallen silent once more, he continued. As most of you may now be aware, a document containing classified information was leaked to the public in the early hours of this morning. We are currently working hard with law enforcement to identify the source of this leak. The man paused again, and I couldnt help but wonder why. Why had he stopped rather than just spitting it out and telling everyone what was going on? Surely, he was just making things harder for himself. He was giving the reporters and whoever else was gathered there a chance to panic and interrupt him, which seemed foolish. He didnt seem particularly worried about it, though. His expression hadnt changed from the composed, serious one hed been wearing since he appeared, and that confused me. How did he do it? Was he not just as concerned as everyone else? I would have been. I hadnt finished reading the article Nolan had sent me. I had no clue what was really going on, but if I had to stand in front of so many people and deliver the news, regardless of what it was, I would have been terrified. But maybe hed had practice. Hed probably given hundreds of briefings and announcements since he was appointed, so maybe he was just used to it. Or perhaps hed been rehearsing that exact speech for ages. I wouldnt have been surprised if hed given it hundreds of times in the mirror, marking sure every single phrase, every hesitation and pause, was perfect. Is it true? someone shouted, their voice somehow cutting through the clamour. The question caused the crowd to fall silent. Everyone waited with bated breath for the Prime Ministers response. Unfortunately, yes, he said, causing even more questions to rise up, but he simply spoke over them. Several years ago, the National Solar Observatory in the United States discovered a number of dark marks on the sun, which was also verified by top British solar researchers. At first, we believed these marks to be nothing more than completely normal sunspots, which are a natural part of the suns solar cycle. However, the researchers soon came to the conclusion that this was not the case. They are areas of the sun which have cooled drastically, do not seem to be recovering, and most concerningly, they appear to be spreading. What? someone in front of me gasped. My mouth fell open as I tried to understand what Id just heard, but my brain wasnt working. All I could do was look around, watching as Mrs Davidson stalked along the aisle in the centre of the room. I expected her to shout at the group of students sobbing loudly as they clutched their phones or to confiscate them, but she just walked past them without even pausing. I craned my neck to see through the windows on the far side of the room, my eyes following her journey as she walked out of the building and towards the teachers car park. She didnt even hesitate. The whole time I was watching her, she didnt pause or look back at the school. She just got in her car and left. Why? Where was she going? Was there anywhere that would be safe if the sun went out? Or were we all going to slowly freeze to death? I wasnt sure, and I glanced at my phone again, starting to read just moments before the Prime Minister began to speak again. Leading experts from around the world gathered to analyse this data and discuss potentially next steps, and unfortunately, some of the information they compiled was heavily edited and released to the public this morning, he said, his expression morphing into one of anger. Key facts were left out, and others fabricated entirely in order to wreak havoc and fear. Yes, it was wrong of me not to share this information with you sooner, but I did not want to address you all until we had a plan and more promising information. Perhaps it would be a sudden process, my mind suggested. The sun did more than just warm our planet. Something else could happen as a result of the sun no longer burning, and our lives would just blink out. We might not even see it coming. One moment, wed exist, and the next, wed be gone. Would that be better? My mind began to spiral. Would I want to know that the end was coming? Thinking back over my past lives, the other worlds Id visited and died in, I was sure the answer was no. There were some where I knew my death was imminent. That one where Id been raised for years, knowing that Id be sacrificed to some cruel god. I knew it was coming then, had years to mentally prepare, but that didnt make it any easier. Bunkers? Nolan repeated, his voice cutting through my panicked thoughts. Fully equipped subterranean research laboratories, the Prime Minister said, seeming to answer Nolans question even though there was no way he could have heard it. The previous Prime Minister began building them towards the end of his time in office as a way to ensure that our scientists can work without disruption, and I have expanded the programme over the past two years. We now have a number of these fully self-sufficient facilities all over the country, and many have teams already living inside. We plan to continue expanding this programme on a much larger scale over the coming months. What does that mean? someone behind me asked loudly. What about the rest of us? Are they just going to leave us here to die? I couldnt help but wonder the same question. How many bunkers did they have? Were there enough for all of us? I doubted it. Surely, if there were, everyone would have seen them being built, but what would happen to everyone else? Would they be able to survive above ground? Would I be chosen? The question made my heart leap with something close to excitement or anticipation, but it quickly turned to disgust. It was selfish and horrible to hope that I would be one of the select few whod been chosen to survive whatever would come, and I knew it was unlikely. I was just a kid. I wasnt a scientist or anyone who could actually be of use. I wouldnt be able to help out with anything; Id just be taking up space. Another mouth to feed. Shortly, we will begin contacting those who have been selected for the initial rollout of the programme, and for the rest of us, life will continue on as normal. We will still all be able to live with our families and attend work or school. The usual day-to-day aspects of our lives will not change, the Prime Minister announced. Theres no way hes staying up here, I heard someone grumble. I bet hes been living in a bunker for ages already. Nothing is changing, and the planet is not at immediate risk. Contrary to the lies contained in the documents released earlier, the spots do not pose an immediate threat to the planet and will not for several decades, the Prime Minister assured us. This programme is just one of many that were trialling to ensure the planet continues to be safe and habitable for our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Thank you. 4.17 Youre dismissed I stared at the projector screen blankly, watching as the bodyguards closed in around the Prime Minister again. He quickly moved back towards the door hed emerged from not long before. He didnt give anyone the chance to ask questions, I realised distantly. He said theyd have time to do that later, but he was gone before people even had time to react. Maybe he meant at a later date. He could have already planned another briefing, a chance for people to ask an actual expert some questions about what hed just said, but he never said. Perhaps he just wanted to get away before the crowd started to riot. It was starting. As the door shut behind the Prime Minister, leaving a few bodyguards standing guard outside, shouting began to ring out through the speakers, but the image on the screen changed quickly, shifting back to the studio where Brett, the news reporter from before, sat. His expression was blank and somehow much calmer than it had been before the Prime Ministers speech, and he even smiled as he laced his hands together on the table before him. Well, that was a very informative and brief briefing, he said with a chuckle that sounded a little sarcastic. Our science and environmental correspondents have already begun analysing the speech as well as the claims put forth in the leaked document, so if youd like to gain more insight, make sure to head on over to our website, where you can read all about it. For now, Im going to pass you over to Landon for the weather. Hows it looking out there today, Landon? A startled-looking man in a suit stared at the camera with a panicked smile plastered on his lips. He didnt speak for a few seconds, just long enough for Mr Stout to stand again. Mr Hodgkins, he said, looking around for him. I believe thats all we need to see. The head of IT rushed forward as the weatherman finally recovered. Sunny, he blurted out before blinking several times and appearing to take a deep breath. Well, as you can see from the map The rest of his words were drowned out by the whispers that sped through the hall. It seemed like everyone was talking, speculating about and trying to understand everything wed just been told. I tried to listen to them, attempting to keep track of the countless voices around me, but it was impossible. My brain refused to absorb what I was hearing. I felt numb and strangely unsteady. It was like the world had been knocked ever so slightly out of place. Everything was tilted and not quite right. It didnt feel real. The world looked wrong. It was wrong. It felt almost like I was watching it all from behind a window, not actually part of that place at all. I was distant, removed from what was happening, and I couldnt work out if I was in shock or if it was just because it was a different world. I was new to it and hadnt been there for that long. Perhaps it was just taking a little while to feel normal. I glanced up at Nolan, wanting to say something to him, tell him it would all be alright, or maybe just hear that from him, but I couldnt speak. I couldnt say anything to him. All I could do was stare as my breathing started to speed up. Quiet, please, Mr Stout called from the front of the room, but his voice was barely audible over the panicked conversations that were happening. No one paid him any attention. They all just continued to speak without even looking at the head teacher, and I couldnt blame them. If I were able to talk, Id probably ignore him too. Some people were crying, I realised as I looked around again. Quite a few people were crying. Should I have been? I wasnt even upset, but maybe that was wrong. Perhaps the normal reaction was to cry, but I didnt even feel sad. I didnt feel anything, really. Quiet! Mr Stout tried again, his voice slightly louder that time. It still wasnt enough, though. A few heads turned in his direction, but not many. The volume of conversations didnt drop at all, and for once, he seemed actually frustrated by it. Normally, he didnt really care when people ignored him, but he did look annoyed. It was a weird change. Did he have anything to say, though? Was he actually going to give us any more information, or did he just plan to send us back to class? I hoped not. How was I meant to go back to my German class and focus on whatever stupid thing we were learning? I had nothing against the language itself, but I hated how it was being taught in our school. Our teacher was bumbling, and we were forced to memorise ridiculous phrases I would never actually use in real life. I have four horses. That was what we had been working on. The teacher was making us pretend to own a stable, and we were having to talk to each other about the number and types of horses we apparently owned. There was a test planned for the end of the month too, so we had to learn every useless word before then. Someone had asked the teacher why those words were on our vocab list, pointing out that very few people owned horses, but the teacher just gave some mumbling answer before telling them to keep practising, and it infuriated me. Shut up! Miss Vickers screamed, causing the hall to become silent immediately. It seemed like no one even dared to breathe as we all stared at the woman at the front of the room, her face red and her cheeks tear-stained. Even the head teacher was looking at her in shock, but he recovered surprisingly quickly. Yes, yes, thank you, Victoria, he said, and I had to bite back an unexpected laugh. Her name was Vicky Vickers? Surely, that couldnt be right. Her parents couldnt have actually named her that. It was basically just the same name twice. She would have been bullied for it, for sure. I leaned towards Nolan, opening my mouth to speak before stopping myself. I was being cruel, I realised. I was about to mock the teachers name, and that was so unnecessary and mean of me. Why was I acting like that? Plus, there was nothing wrong with her name. It was a little unexpected but kind of cool. Superheroes always had names like that. Their creators seemed to love alliteration, and I wouldnt have been surprised if there was a superhero out there with a name close to hers. My eyes darted towards Nolan, checking to make sure he hadnt noticed my movement, before looking back at the head teacher. He was fumbling around in his pockets, pulling out countless handkerchiefs, pens, and what looked like receipts. I know I have it somewhere here, he mumbled, his voice audible over the still silent room. What do you think hes looking for? Nolan breathed in my ear. I shook my head, not wanting to look away from the man just in case. It could have been anything, really. His pockets seemed never-ending. Ah ha! he crowed as he clutched a crumbled piece of paper in his fist. Please can the following people stand up? Ellie Carter, Caleb Avila, and Grace Baker. My breathing caught, and I jolted, not expecting to hear him say my name. Why had he read out my name? What did I do wrong? I didnt have an answer to that question, and that made me even more nervous. Panic thrashed in my chest as I glanced at Nolans concerned face before slipping my phone into my pocket and standing carefully. It felt like every eye in the room was focused on me, and I smoothed down my skirt, trying to make myself appear as presentable as possible and hide the fear that was making my knees feel weak. I needed to appear strong, not like the girl near the front of the room. She was clearly a year or two younger than me, judging by how short she was, and I could see her trembling from where I was standing. There was no one else, though. Another person should have been standing, a boy, but I couldnt see him. I didnt recognise the name either. That wasnt particularly surprising. It was a big school, and he could have been in another year or something, but he definitely hadnt stood up like Mr Stout said. Perhaps he wasnt there. He might have had the good sense not to attend school, and maybe I should have done the same. Then, Id miss out on whatever was about to happen to me. But it wasnt necessarily a bad thing. Caleb? Mr Stout repeated, looking around before peering at the paper in his hand again, his bushy eyebrows furrowing. Movement on the far side of the room caught my attention as one of the teachers, pale-faced and wide-eyed, stepped forward. Um, thats me, he said, lifting a hand uncertainly. Mr Stout stared blankly at the teacher, who couldnt have been out of university for long. There was absolutely no recognition on his face, and I was pretty sure hed never spoken to Mr Avila before in his life. That felt wrong, though. Shouldnt he have interviewed him or something? Was that not part of the head teachers job? I assumed it was, but it could have fallen to the deputy head teacher. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. It wouldnt have surprised me to learn Mr Stout didnt really do his job. I kind of assumed that already. He seemed to spend most of his time napping in his office with the door wide open or, in the summer, snoozing on the bench in the courtyard and pretending to have stopped for some fresh air whenever a student accidentally woke him. How he hadnt been fired a decade before was a mystery to me. Ah, yes. There you are Caleb, Mr Stout said, having to double check his name on the paper in his hand again, despite having said it just moments before. Well, would you three like to make your way outside, please? That wasnt a question. Hed phrased it like one, but it was clearly an order. We had no choice whether we wanted to go or not, and I didnt know what to do. Part of me wanted to just do as I was told and follow his instructions, but another part was reluctant and scared. That emotion was muted and detached, though. I could feel it, but it didnt really bother me. Why? Mr Avila asked. I could hear the fear in his voice, and that concerned me. It just made it more evident that I should have been worried. Mr Stout smiled serenely, though. He seemed entirely unbothered by Mr Avilas fear or the terrifying news about the sun. Im not too sure, Im afraid, he said with absolutely no worry or regret in his voice. But Ive been informed that you must go outside. Immediately, please. But Mr Avila started, but he was cut off by the head teacher. Lewis, Andrew? Where are you both? he asked, looking around the room for the other PE teachers. Ah, there you are. Can you escort them to the bus bay? Surprise flitted across both teachers faces, but neither complained or asked any questions. They just nodded. I looked back at Mr Avila, watching as he appeared to eye up the other teachers, who were watching him expectantly. They were both bigger and bulkier than him. He was thin and lanky, whereas they were much more muscular than him despite being at least ten or fifteen years older. There was no way Mr Avila could hold his own against them. He seemed to come to the same conclusion that I did. His posture sagged slightly, and he shot Ellie a smile that was far too nervous to be reassuring before beginning to make his way towards the two PE teachers. Ellie was crying. I could see the tears shining on her face as she started to do the same, and I glanced down at Nolan worriedly. His expression was concerned, but it cleared the moment he noticed my gaze. Im sure its nothing, he muttered, just loud enough for me to hear. Text me when you know whats going on, and Ill come by after school, okay? There was a strangely desperate note to his voice that made my heart clench, but I returned his smile and nodded. Sure. Ill see you then, I lied. It was difficult to walk away from him, but I had to do it. My body moved mechanically; my steps were automatic as I weaved through the crowd, stepping over people who just stared at me and barely made any effort to move out of the way. It seemed to take a lifetime to make the journey across the hall to where the others were waiting for me, and Mr Darrel and Mr Phillips both smiled at me before turning and leading us from the room. We were taking the same path that Mrs Davidson took, I realised as we crossed the school foyer and continued towards the front door. Shed gone that way, but shed turned towards the teachers car park rather than the bus bays. Where are they going? I heard a familiar voice call from behind me as we exited the front doors. The response was inaudible, though. I didnt catch whatever Mr Stout said to Nolan, and I wished I had. I had no clue where we were going, and I turned the question over in my head as we walked along the path. Was I in trouble? Had I done something wrong and was about to be arrested? That didnt sound right. I hadnt done anything in that world that would garner that kind of attention. I couldnt access all of my memories yet, but I was certain of that. Id had a fairly quiet and unremarkable life, both in reality and that world. I just kept my head down and got on with things. I didnt cause trouble. I was good. And maybe that was why I was being led towards the bus bays. Perhaps I wasnt in trouble with the police. It could have been something good. That didnt feel right either, but a hint of hope warmed my stomach as my hands began to shake, and excitement threatened to grow within me. Had it happened? Had someone actually chosen me? I wasnt sure if I wanted the answer to that question. Would it be better to die on the surface or be locked in a bunker underground for years and years? Id never feel the sun on my face again, never savour the caress of the wind on my skin or hear the melodic symphony of birdsong. But Id survive. Someone would have chosen me to survive, and I would do it. That mattered more than anything else. Dont worry, Mr Avila muttered softly, slowing down to fall in step with Ellie and me. Nothing bad will happen. I promise everything will be fine. His voice held absolutely no conviction, and I knew Ellie had noticed too. She let out a sob, pressing her hands to her mouth in a failed attempt to muffle the noise. Guilt crossed Mr Avilas face as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He did seem to be trying to make us feel better. It just wasnt really helping at all, but I didnt think anything would have helped the snivelling girl beside me. I understood why she was upset. Wed just heard something shocking, and it did feel like a fairly normal reaction, but it was annoying me. I felt horrible to admit it, but everything about her was irritating. Couldnt she just bottle it up and ignore her emotions? It wasnt that difficult. The two PE teachers came to a stop in the bus bay, and I looked around as we reached them, taking the chance to move slightly further away from Ellie. It was empty. There was no one else there and no buses. Was there meant to be? Or were we early? Or late? Had we missed our chance to be saved? Panic and desperation flared within me, the strength of the emotions startling me. I chewed the inside of my lip as I looked around again, searching for any hint that someone had been there recently, any sign of a bus having pulled in and left because we werent waiting, but there was nothing. My fingers picked compulsively at the skin around my thumbnail as my eyes flicked back and forth between the teachers. Had Mr Stout told them anything else? Or did they have no idea what was going on either? I wasnt sure, but I had to ask. I needed to know. It was the only thing that would help with my anxiety. Now, what? I blurted out. The two PE teachers glanced at each other before looking at me. Now we wait, Mr Phillips said, and I had to bite back the urge to ask him if he knew what we were waiting for. Instead, I held my tongue and looked at Mr Darrel, hoping hed say something more. Dont worry. Im sure Mr Stout had a good reason to send you down here, he said with a smile. Hell probably be down with more information in just a moment. Ellie sniffed loudly. Is it to do with the world ending? she asked. The worlds not ending, Mr Phillips snapped, causing Ellie to shy away from him. Did you not listen to what the Prime Minister was saying? Theyre figuring out a way to fix things, and everything will be fine. I expected Ellie to stay silent or cry more, but to my surprise, she shook her head. No, I wont, she said in a wavering voice. Im sure it will, Mr Avila said, trying to reassure her as more tears escaped her eyes, but she just shook her head again, the movement more insistent that time. It wont! My dad works in the physics department at the university in town, she explained. Hes been working on a big project, and he said he couldnt tell me what it was, but it was bad. Dangerous. It must have been this. He must have A sob choked off the rest of whatever she was going to say, and she covered her mouth, too overcome by emotion to continue speaking. I couldnt look away from her. If what shed said was true, then I took a deep breath, trying not to stoke the optimism smouldering in my heart. I didnt want to let myself feel it until I was certain, but if what she said was true and her dad really was a scientist, if hed been working on the problem for a while, then surely they wouldnt just leave him on the surface. Theyd probably want him to go into one of the bunkers and continue working on it, wouldnt they? And if they did, then surely, theyd allow him to take his daughter with him. They wouldnt just leave her on the surface to die and expect that hed continue working and trying to fix things, unsure if shes even alive. He probably wouldnt be able to concentrate on anything with the weight of that uncertainty dangling over him. And if that was the case, then My thoughts came to a sudden halt as a bus appeared in the distance, and my heart seemed to stop beating. I couldnt do anything, not even breathe, for a few seconds as I waited to see if it would turn into the school. Was it coming towards us? It was! The burst of excitement I felt at that realisation was tinged with disappointment. It was silly, but I couldnt help compare the bus moving slowly towards us with the one Id rode in to the Academy. That one had clearly been specially designed for the purpose, and it was perfect, but the one before me was. Normal. It looked like they were just using a regular bus, like the one I caught to go into the city with Nolan sometimes. The moment it stopped, two soldiers jumped out, their eyes fixed on us. The urge to hide behind the PE teacher, like Ellie was doing, rose within me, but I forced myself to stand tall as the soldiers examined us, their expressions unreadable. There are only three people on our list, one of them said, looking down at the device in their hand. It looked a bit like a barcode scanner, but it was larger, and I could see a screen on the back of it. I assumed it must have been displaying the list based on how the soldier was eyeing it, but I couldnt see what it said. Identify yourselves, the other soldier snapped. Im Lewis Phillips, Mr Phillips replied immediately, snapping into a sloppy attempt at a salute. And this is Andrew Darrel. We were asked to escort these three down here. Both of the soldiers stared at him for a tense few seconds before one nodded. Very well. Youre dismissed. Mr Phillips saluted again before turning on his heel and marching away, but Mr Darrel hesitated. Where are you taking them? he asked. One of the soldiers eyebrows rose slowly. That is none of your concern, he said. Indignation crossed Mr Darrels face. These two are my students, and it is my duty to ensure theyre safe, he said. The soldier holding the scanner didnt even look at him. He simply glanced between Ellie and me before speaking again. Ellie Carter? The blood drained out of her face. Y-yes? she whispered. Please step forward. 4.18 How long do we have left? Ellie trembled as she stared at the soldier, her face a mask of terror. Her eyes darted towards our teachers, imploring them to help her. I wasnt sure what she wanted them to do, but they were silent. Mr Darrel looked uncomfortable. He seemed to be debating saying something, but he didnt intervene. Finally, Ellie glanced back at the soldier. His expression was blank as he waited for her to do as he commanded. I expected him to say something or to repeat the instruction, but both he and the other soldier seemed content to just wait for Ellie to give in and step toward them. It didnt take long, luckily. She didnt have many other options. We were alone in the bus bay. There was no one else who could intervene on her behalf, and she must have realised that because she took a deep breath, sending one final begging look towards Mr Darrel, and walked forward. The soldiers lips twitched up into a quick smile before he lifted the strange scanner he was holding. Ellie cringed away from it, as if she expected to be shot, but nothing came out of the device as the soldier slowly waved it up and down in front of her. After a few passes, he stopped and stared down at the screen on the back of the machine. I fought the urge to lean forward in the hopes of getting a better look at whatever information was being displayed there, feeling myself sway towards the man slightly before I could stop myself. I pulled back, my eyes darting around. No one seemed to have noticed my movement, though. They were all too focused on the soldier, who was still reading. Why did he scan her? Was there something specific he was checking for, or was the machine just confirming Ellies identity somehow? I still couldnt quite access all of my memories of that world, but as far as I was aware, we didnt have any identification chips in our bodies like some of the other worlds Id been to. Nothing had been implanted in us that would prove we were the right people, so there must have been something else the soldiers were checking for. Whatever it was, Ellie must have been fine. The soldier looked up from the device, nodding towards the other soldier, who flipped open the plastic folder she was carrying and reached inside. Okay, she said, her voice filled with much more warmth than it had been when shed spoken to Mr Phillips before. Please put this on and take a seat on the bus. A red lanyard dangled from her outstretched hand with a matching plastic card clipped to it. It swayed back and forth in the slight wind as Ellie stared at her, hesitating. Her hand trembled as she accepted it, slipping it over her head before glancing at our teachers again. I did the same, almost expecting Mr Darrel to speak, but he wasnt even looking at her. He was staring up at the bus, his eyes slowly roaming the windows as he took in the many people staring down at us. Ellie seemed to droop as she turned away, sniffing loudly before climbing aboard the bus. The female soldier had stepped aside so that Ellie could enter, and the moment she did, the woman snapped back into position, blocking the door. I swallowed, a hint of anxiety flaring in my chest as I looked away, my eyes landing on the other soldier, who was focused on Mr Avila. Please step forward, he said to him. Mr Avila barely hesitated before following the order, and I watched as the soldier scanned him too. It seemed to be quicker than when he scanned Ellie. He only did a couple of passes of him before the screen lit up, and he nodded. Great. Heres your card, the other soldier told Mr Avila, also handing him a red lanyard and stepping aside. Please find a seat. Mr Avila glanced back at me, seeming to be debating saying something, but he didnt. He simply smiled at me before squaring his shoulders and marching forward. He paused at the top of the steps, looking back towards the school with an almost sad expression. Why did he look upset? Did he not want to leave? Or was he worrying about the people he was leaving behind? I wasnt sure, but I couldnt consider it for long. The soldiers were looking at me. Apprehension leapt in my heart as I met the male soldiers gaze. He hadnt begun to scan me yet, but I was the last one there. Mr Darrel was still standing next to me, but they hadnt asked him to be there. He was just there to make sure we wouldnt run, and I wasnt sure why he hadnt left yet. He should have, but instead, he was still staring at the bus. Dont worry, the soldier said kindly as he moved towards me. This wont hurt at all. Its just a precaution. My hands squeezed into fists by my sides as he lifted the device again, pointing it at me. A flutter of terror thrashed in my stomach, making me long to cower away, but I refused to let myself. People were watching. They were looking down at me through the windows, and I couldnt appear weak. I had to be strong, regardless of how I was feeling. Holding my head high and taking deep breaths through my nose, I stared back at the people inside the bus, ignoring the scanner being moved slowly before me. It seemed like most of the seats had been taken already. There were a few gaps, but not many. The people inside didnt look particularly special, from what I could tell. They just seemed normal. My eyes flicked towards the soldier with the machine again. Why was he still scanning me? Hed waved the machine up and down four times already. That was more than he did for Ellie and Mr Avila, I realised as my pulse started to race. Was something wrong? Had they got the wrong person? Maybe they didnt mean to call me down. There was someone else in the year below me. Her name was Grace Barker, not Baker. Could they have meant her? Or could they somehow tell that I wasnt the right me? I was a visitor to that world; maybe the scanner had noticed that somehow. I didnt know what it was checking or measuring, but perhaps there was a slight difference, a slight change, that it was picking up on. Nothing about me changed physically when I went to other worlds. It was just mental. My mind was different; it was a different consciousness inside my brain, but Id already existed in that world. I was already me, so surely, there was no way anyone could tell, was there? Finally, the soldier checked the screen and nodded. It took all of my restraint not to let my relief show, but I wanted to weep. It was a near miss. Id almost ruined my chances of going to the bunker, and there was a strange fury burning in the pit of my stomach at the thought of doing that. Here you go, the other soldier said, holding my lanyard out towards me. Make sure you keep it on you at all times and go sit down, please. Weve still got quite a long journey ahead of us. Triumph and excitement pounded in my heart. I took it from her and placed it around my neck, looking down at the red plastic card as I started to enter the bus. It looked almost like a bank card but thicker and entirely blank. There was no writing or pictures on it. Maybe it was a swipe card to access the bunker? No, that didnt make sense. Surely, once we got there, wed be locked in. I doubted wed be able to come and go that freely. The Prime Minister had said the researchers were living in the facilities. It made sense that theyd stay there all the time so they could focus and not be distracted by whatever else was happening in the world. Hey! I was talking to you! I froze, my foot hovering over the step. I was about to begin making my way along the aisle towards a seat, but the sound of Mr Darrels voice stopped me. Part of me knew I should have kept moving, but I couldnt help it. I glanced back at him through the door. Please step away from the vehicle, the male soldier said. He stood just outside the door, blocking Mr Darrel from being able to enter, but the other soldier wasnt far behind me. Shed turned, though, her gaze on the teacher. No! Mr Darrel shouted, his desperate tone contrasting with how calm the soldier had sounded. Where are you taking them? I saw the male soldiers shoulders stiffen slightly, his hand moving at his side. I leaned forward, trying to work out what he was doing. The movement caught the attention of the other soldier, and she glanced back at me, a sympathetic expression on her face. You might not want to see this, Grace, she told me. It could get a bit unpleasant. It was impossible to look away, though. I felt frozen to the spot, unable to even blink as I watched my teacher facing off against the soldier. That is irrelevant to you, the soldier said. Please step back. No, wait! Mr Darrel cried. Are you taking them to a bunker? My eyes darted towards the other soldier, but shed turned back towards the door, her hand resting on the gun attached to her thigh. They had to be taking us there. Where else would we be going? This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. Step away, the soldier barked again. I dont want to hurt you, but we have been authorised to use force if necessary. I winced, but Mr Darrels expression didnt change. He continued to stare pleadingly at the soldier. No, no, please! I want to come with. I can help you! I have a degree in Biolo It seemed to happen in slow motion. Mr Darrel reached out towards the soldier, his hands moving towards his chest. It was a desperate movement; I dont think he meant to hurt the soldier. I think he was just going to grab his shirt, but there was no way to know. The soldier was faster than him. Before Mr Darrels hands even made contact, hed lifted the gun from his thigh. Mr Darrel was thrown backwards. I gasped as his body slammed into the solid ground and began to convulse. The soldier didnt move towards him, through. He simply looked down, seeming to fiddle with his weapon before slipping it back into the holster as he turned away from the man. Is he going to be okay? I asked, staring at Mr Darrel. Hed stopped thrashing around, but his eyes were shut. He wasnt moving at all. He should be, one of the soldiers told me. Dont worry. The voltage we use generally isnt lethal. I have no clue how to respond to that. It was too uncertain to really make me feel better, but both soldiers were looking at me. I was in the way, stopping them from moving any further into the bus, and theyd said we had far to travel. I needed to move. My steps were robotic as I began to walk again. I felt disconnected from my body, and it moved on autopilot, but I wasnt sure how far my legs would carry me before collapsing. I barely paid any attention to where I was going as I staggered towards the first empty seat I saw and almost fell into it. The bus began to move immediately, and I tried to take deep, grounding breaths as I watched my school disappear behind us. Did they know wed left? Or did they have no clue anything had even happened to us? Surely, they would have bombarded Mr Stout with questions until he caved and told them, but maybe he didnt know. I didnt. I assumed we were going to the bunker, but the soldiers hadnt actually confirmed that. They hadnt shown us any identification or anything. It could have been a trap. I glanced down at the card hanging around my neck, touching it gently before turning it over. My eyebrows furrowed as I stared at the plastic, angling it carefully so it hit the light. There was something etched into the back of it, I realised. It was faint, barely visible, but there was definitely something there. Hope leapt within me, but it was quickly crushed. There were no words, no confirmation of where we were heading. It was just a string of random numbers, and I had no idea what to make of it, but it had to be a good thing. Surely, if theyd gone through the effort of picking us up from school and wherever else theyd collected the others from, they wouldnt just let us die. It would be a waste of money, and it didnt make any sense. A sniffle came from behind me, sending renewed irritation through me. I turned to peek over the back of my seat, and a groan almost slipped out of my mouth as I spotted who it was. I should have paid more attention when choosing where to sit because somehow, I was sitting right in front of Ellie and some older man who I assumed was her father, judging by how tightly she was clinging to him. As annoyed as I was by the thought of having to put up with her crying for the entire journey, it was actually a relief to see the man. Ellie had said he was a scientist whod been working on the issue for a little while, and if he was there, then we must have been heading towards a bunker. I turned again, a smile growing on my lips. We were safe. We would be completely safe and unbothered by the sun being extinguished. He lied, didnt he? I heard Ellie whine. My body stiffened, and I had to fight not to look back at them as I waited for her dad to reply. I stared out the window, barely even seeing anything that passed us by. All of my focus was fixed on the people behind me. I needed to hear what he would say. He did, her dad sighed after a long pause, his voice lower and more gravelly than Id expected. Ellie let out a soft sob. How long do we have left? There was another pause. It dragged on for so long that I thought her dad was going to refuse to answer her at all, but finally, he spoke again. A year. Maybe two if we can slow things down. My eyes widened, and I felt my chest tighten. A year or two. How could that be possible? The Prime Minister had made it sound like we had decades until we needed to worry about anything, but hed lied. That made sense. I expected that he had, but I didnt think it would be so bad. But well be safe? Ellie asked, her voice weak. It wont affect us in the bunker? I was so glad she asked the question because if she hadnt, I would have had to. I needed to know, and it was so difficult to restrain myself. Underground research laboratory, her dad corrected her, but I could hear the smile in his voice. Yes, we will be. A lot of work has been put into them to ensure they will be able to withstand everything they need to. There was another slight pause before Ellie spoke again. And what about everyone else? Will they be okay? Well find a way to help them, her dad said, edging around the question. The human race is great at evolving and adapting to new threats. It might not be particularly easy, but Im sure theyll find a way through. I hope so, Ellie muttered softly. He was lying. I could hear the doubt in his voice, but Ellie somehow missed it. The rest of the world, anyone left on the surface, would die. Theyd freeze whilst we hid in the bunkers below. Maybe in time, something would happen, and wed be able to emerge from the bunkers and return to the surface, but that felt unlikely. Something pulled at me. There was something there, something that sounded familiar, but I couldnt quite put my finger on what. Was it what Ellies dad had said? About people evolving? Or was it something else? I stared out the window as I searched my mind, trying to figure it out. Id definitely heard someone say something like that before, but when? It wasnt in a book or a television show. I knew that much for sure. It wasnt anything from the world I was in; I was too new to it. My memories were still locked away. Realisation slowly dawned on me. Was this how it started? The other world that had frozen over? The one where I wasnt myself, where I was Clea? The surface there was covered in ice, wasnt it? I couldnt quite remember. It felt so distant, and all my memories of that place felt murky, but I was almost sure I was correct. We still had a sun there, though. The surface was uninhabitable; that was why we lived on a floating island in the sky, but there was still a sun. Perhaps theyd found a way to save things there. Theyd worked out how to stop it from going out, but it might have been too late for the planet. The damage was already done, and mutated creatures roamed the land, making it too dangerous to return. No one there had talked about bunkers, though. As far as I could remember, they only ever mentioned the islands in the sky, but perhaps theyd tried both. Some people could have taken to the sky, whilst some took to the earth. I wasnt sure which was better. At least being in the air meant they still got to see the sun and feel the wind, but I had no clue what the bunkers were going to be like. They might have been really nice and luxurious, less like the empty shipping container I was imagining and more similar to a fancy hotel, like the one Id stayed in with Mitch. I wasnt sure, but Id probably find out soon enough, and then I could decide which one I preferred. Disgust washed over me, and I blinked, looking down at the card I was fiddling with. What was wrong with me? I was so excited, so eager to get to the bunker, and that felt wrong. I should have been worried or scared. Why wasnt I heartbroken and mourning the people who were being left on the surface to slowly freeze to death? I knew people who were staying up there. Nolan and my family. They were going to be left there, and yet I felt nothing. Not nothing. I did feel a little worried, but it was a strangely distant feeling. There was something unnatural about it. It felt like a shadow, a second-hand emotion that had crept in unwanted and was invading my mind. It was a parasite, nothing more. The worry came from the real me, I realised with a jolt. The real me was terrified about Nolan, my family and everyone else, but the me that lived in that world was just smug. There was a smugness that pulled at my lips, trying to force me to smile. A sickening sense of pleasure and pride danced in my stomach, but I couldnt understand it. It was so foreign and horrible, and I didnt know how any version of me could possibly feel like that. But I was chosen, a voice in the back of my mind seemed to whisper. I had been picked from the millions of people who lived in the United Kingdom. For some reason, they had decided that I was good enough to survive, but the other, the ones I was looking down on from the bus window, were ignored. The government had deemed them unworthy and undeserving, but I was better than that. Someone had decided that I was better than them. The thought made me breathless. I was almost giddy with pride and happiness, and my eyes darted around, checking to make sure no one had noticed how wide I was smiling. What was it that they had seen in me? Why did they think I was special? I wasnt sure, but I was determined to prove them right. Motivation seemed to fill me. I could feel it flowing through my veins, filling me with energy and passion. The moment we got to the bunker, Id be ready. I would prove myself to them, and then theyd know they were right to choose me. I was special. I was better than the others, and I was so impatient to prove it that I could barely sit still. The excitement was overshadowed by another feeling, though. A strange sense of conflict churned within me, making me nauseous. It was wrong. The way I was feeling and how I was thinking was horrible, and I pressed my hand against my stomach, wishing I could make it all go away. Instinctively, I felt myself start to pull away from the world. It felt too dangerous to stay there. My callousness was terrifying to me, and I didnt understand how any version of me could ever be so selfish. Was that even possible? Did I have that potentially? Surely, something must have happened to her. Something bad must have happened to make her a monster. Was it bullying? Or was my mother even worse to me there? Perhaps shed been the bully, picking on me constantly until I shut myself away from my emotions and became so self-centred and horrible. A shudder went through me. It had to be something more than that. I had to believe I wasnt capable of such cruelty and that I would never become her, but the idea still scared me. I loved my friends. I loved my family, even my mom, who was horrible to me sometimes. No matter what happened, I knew I would always feel like that. I would never turn my back on them and let them die. I would fight. Id find a way to do something to bring them with me, let them take my place, or I wouldnt go. It would be better for us all to die rather than for me to live with the knowledge that I did nothing, that I let them die for nothing. I rolled over, my mind still racing. That world was what I had wanted, in a way. Id longed for a world where I wasnt terrified or lonely and where I didnt die, and technically, that was exactly what I had there. Id been scared a couple of times since I arrived, but it was fleeting, and I certainly wasnt lonely. It wasnt right, though. I didnt want a place where I felt so little. I wanted more. To feel more. A rushing noise slowly began to build in my ears as I felt the room around me twist. A new world, a new dizziness, was reaching out to me. A world where I wasnt so emotionless and unfeeling was reeling me in, and I hesitated for just a moment before allowing it to capture me. 4.19 Its happening Fire exploded in my brain. Agony ricocheted through me, ripping the air from my lungs and leaving a flaming path in its wake. Sharp, stabbing pain wracked my body, making me long to curl up and cry, but I couldnt. I had to keep moving. I couldnt stop, couldnt slow down. If I did I had no clue what would happen if I did, but terror gripped me, forming a heavy rock in the pit of my stomach. Something terrible would get me if I did. That was all I knew, and I didnt want to find out what that meant. All I wanted to do was get away. Lifting my head, I opened my eyes and peered around. It was dark, wherever I was. Dark and my vision was blurred. Indistinct shapes swam around me nauseatingly, and I couldnt work out where anything was or even what I was looking at, but that didnt matter. It would get better. My vision would clear eventually, and then Id be fine. Once I got there, Id be fine. Moving my arm was horrific. I reached forward, trying to ignore the pain that throbbed in my shoulder as my muscles screamed out, but it was nothing compared to the agony that exploded in me the moment my hand touched the sharp gravel I was lying on. Tears began to gather in my eyes, making my vision even more hazy. My fingers were broken. Id never broken a finger before in real life, but I knew the pain well. Some version of me, I wasnt sure which, had felt it many times, and I had to find a way to get through it. I needed to continue dragging myself away from the person who was somewhere behind me. A chill slipped down my spine. Where were they? The soft crunch of gravel was drowned out by the noise I was making as I moved, and I allowed myself just a moment of stillness. I held my breath, straining my ears as I listened, and for a second, I couldnt hear anything, but then I did. Distant footsteps echoed through the early morning air. There was no other sound apart from the soft crashing of waves against a rock. Where was I? There were no cars, no traffic or people, and that didnt feel right, but I had no recollection of where in the world I was. I wasnt sure if that version of me even knew. Id just been running, running for as long as I could until they found me. It was inevitable. They were always going to, but I still had to try to get away again. It might be possible. The person wasnt even running, I realised as I started to move again. Her pace was slow, leisurely. She wasnt hurrying at all because she knew there was no point. I couldnt run. She was the one whod made sure of that, after all. A shudder wracked me as the memory of something, I couldnt quite tell what it was, being stabbed deep into my thigh, flashed through my mind. Nausea churned in my stomach, and the stones cut into my palms as I tried desperately to move faster. If I was captured again, it would get worse. Everything would get worse, and I wouldnt survive it. I knew that. Once they were done with me, my body would be abandoned somewhere, broken, battered and most likely unidentifiable. My family, or whatever was left of them, would never find me. Theyd never know what happened or who was responsible, and the police wouldnt be able to work it out. The most theyd ever be able to do was assume that something terrible had happened, but they wouldnt know for certain. It would just be a hunch, a suspicion. Id tried to leave a trail. That much I could remember. I knew Id never truly get away from them, and I tried to put something in place to answer the endless questions I would leave behind. Maybe it would work. Maybe one of the many pieces of clothing Id left with my DNA would be found. Or perhaps some of the notes or the digital footprints Id made sure to place in every single city I fled through would be found by the right person. Theyd be able to piece the truth together and figure out who was to blame, and then my family would be safe. My dad would be safe. I needed him to be. If they found him, if they decided to go after him I needed to do something. I had to find a way to get a message to him again. He was still alive. Id been watching his social media, hacked into his emails and the digital doorbell at our house. I watched it every single day, every night before I tried to sleep because that was the only way I could drift off. They werent even watching him yet. I knew that. There were no new cars on the street outside his house, nothing suspicious or concerning. Not yet, but they would go after him eventually, and I had to warn him. Panic thrashed in my heart as I tried to push myself up, knowing Id be able to move faster on my feet, but my arms couldnt support my weight. They collapsed under the strain, the pain sending the world spinning around me, and I tried frantically to cling to consciousness. If I slipped away, I knew Id wake up cuffed to that chair again. Hours. I was on it for hours. Flashes of memories finally revealed themselves to me, and I cringed away from them. I wanted to flee, escape the world and run far away so Id never have to see or experience what Id already been through there, but I couldnt. My mind was filled, consumed by what had happened. How long had it been? The sun had been just starting to set when theyd found me the day before, and they started working immediately. I couldnt remember when my arm had first been broken or when theyd driven the knife into my leg for the first time, but the sensations stayed with me. It was rising now. Colours were just starting to streak across the cloudy sky, and the streetlamps would be turning off soon, but that realisation just caused more horror to flutter in my heart. How many hours had passed since they first cuffed me to that chair? How long had I been there, watching my blood slowly darken the stones around us and simply waiting for it all to be over? Theyd chosen a light-coloured gravel intentionally, a detached voice in the back of my head told me as I continued trying to get away. It was a smart decision. It added to my suffering and provided a visual display of how much pain theyd caused me, using my blood like paint on a canvas. They really were artists. No, not they. I could only hear one set of one set of footsteps. Only one person was tracking me, but that felt wrong. There had been another person there at some point in the night. I could recall someone else being there. Their cruel smile was far too clear in my memories, and it sent a shiver down my aching spine. Theyd left that alone, mostly. It was bruised but nothing more, and that was another deliberate decision they made. The risk of hitting the wrong spot or me moving and them accidentally causing too much damage was too high. I could be paralysed before they even realised, and then what? It would just be a relief for me, and then theyd have less of my body to destroy. My hand slammed into something hard, and a strangled gasp of pain escaped my lips before I could stop it. I lifted my head, staring up at the dark shadow and trying to will my eyes to focus so I could work out what I was looking at. A car, I realised after far too long. Hope flared in my heart, but it was smothered too soon, and that moment was more gut-wrenching than anything else Id felt all night. It wasnt the van theyd arrived in, and I couldnt use it to escape. It was propped up on bricks. The wheels had been removed, probably long ago. I was trapped. Tears streamed down my face, and sobs threatened to choke me as I pulled myself around to the other side of the car. Hopelessness threatened to drown me. I wanted to keep running, to keep fighting, but I was just so tired. My body was too exhausted, and it yearned for rest, regardless of the cost. Id been running for so long. Would it ever end? Somehow, I managed to manoeuvre myself so I was sitting with my back pressed against the car as the footsteps continued to move closer to the other side of the car. My head dropped back as silent sobs wracked me, and I pressed a hand to my lips to muffle the noises. The second my fingers touched my lip, nausea clawed at my throat. There were gaps. I could feel them through my busted lips. The spaces where my teeth should have been were empty. Most had been knocked out or pried from my mouth at some point during the night. My hand dropped, falling to the solid gravel with a muffled clatter. The burst of pain was brief and barely noticeable compared to the agony I was already feeling, but it was enough to steady me. I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together as I surveyed my situation. I was exhausted and pretty much empty, but maybe I could still do something. They didnt have to win. Another deep breath helped clear my mind, and I listened carefully, trying to locate the second person. Where was he? Henry had been there at some point, but I couldnt hear him. Was he hiding in the shadows between the too-widely spaced street lamps? Or had he simply gotten bored of torturing me and returned to the base so he could sleep in a nice, comfy bed? If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. No. I knew him better than that, and that wasnt his style. He preferred to stay until the bitter end, and I knew that. There was no way hed leave before he had the chance to watch me take my final breath, but then, where was he? Anyas footsteps were close, I realised as my head snapped around as fast as it could. She must have started moving faster, and that meant I had to make a decision. Either I continued to sit there and wait for her to find me, or I could keep moving. I wouldnt get another opportunity to run. When she caught me, it would be the end. My eyes found the shopping mall about twenty feet away. That was where Id been going before. It had been my plan ever since I managed to get away from them the first time, and I knew if I got there, Id be okay. There was no one inside. It looked abandoned, and someone would have come out when they heard my screaming during the night, but that didnt matter. There were more places to hide in there, and I might even be able to find a weapon. Maybe at some point, someone might have stashed some guns there. It was unlikely, but it might have happened, especially around where I was. That would be good. I could use a gun. My fingers were broken, and it wouldnt be particularly easy to hold one, but I didnt care. Id fired a gun with broken fingers before, and Id do it again. I threw myself forward, shuffling on my elbows and knees. It was the best I could do, the only way I could keep moving. Really, Grace? Anya sneered, her cold voice, full of repressed fury, seeming to come from all directions and echo around me. Are you really trying to run? Answering her would be stupid. I couldnt do it. There was no point. She wouldnt listen to what I had to say. She would just attack, and speaking would give away my location. It was probably obvious where Id gone, though. There was too much blood flowing freely from the many wounds theyd inflicted upon me. I must have been leaving a red carpet behind me. All of my focus was fixed on getting to the shopping centre. I gritted my remaining teeth, trying to coax my body to move faster, and risked glancing up. I hoped, prayed, that Id see a face peering through the cracked glass, that someone would be able to see me and put an end to my suffering, but there was no one. The world was still, and I was alone. Couldnt you just take your punishment like a normal person? Anya demanded, her voice coming from far too close. I wasnt sure where she was exactly. I didnt hear any footsteps, and there was no noise to warn me, but somehow, I knew she was coming. I threw myself to the side, rolling as quickly as I could as I tried to shield as much of my body as possible from the brutal kick that I knew was coming, but I was too slow. Anyas foot slammed into my already bruised risk, and my breath rushed out of me. Punishment? I panted, barely able to get the words out through my swollen lips. This isnt a punishment youre killing me. A young woman, who Id never seen before but knew so well, crouched down beside me. Her eyes were fixed on me as she cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes in confusion. I stared back at her, watching as her face swam in and out of focus, trying to take in the details and recall what I knew about her. There had to be something I could use. She was young, older than me, but not by much. Eighteen, maybe twenty at the most. And not a friend. Almost, but not quite. Shed been there too long for that, and that meant she probably wouldnt let me escape. If she were going to, it would have happened hours ago. Months ago, even. And? she asked. You deserve it. All of you do. There was an edge to her voice that made my heart race, but I still had to try. We deserve to die? I shot back. How can anyone deserve that? She couldnt actually believe it. There was no way she did. If I was careful, if I chose my words well, maybe I could still get through to her. She wasnt a bad person. She wasnt evil. She was just Every single one of you should be killed, she said with no malice in her voice. It was just a fact to her. My stomach sank. I was wrong. Id been so wrong. She wasnt just parroting their teachings. She held them close, believed them and let them fill her with strength and conviction. They fuelled her, convinced her that she was doing a good thing. She was helping the world, and that meant nothing could be done. Nothing would ever make her believe that it wasnt my fault. Shed never accept I couldnt help what had happened or what I could do, but maybe I could get her to hesitate. If I made her doubt or question it, I could have a window. That was all I needed to squeeze through the window less than five feet behind me. Why? I tried to shout, but only a wheeze came out. What did I ever do to you? A surprised laugh escaped her lips, and for a moment, she looked so young. Maybe she was younger than eighteen. I mean she started, still giggling slightly as she glanced over her shoulder, looking in the direction of where Id been held. Did you want me to overlook the fact you killed Henry or My mouth dropped open as she trailed off again. I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but a memory crashed into me. It was a second. A split second. Id had no time to think. I just saw an opening and took it. His back was to me. Henrys back was to me as he looked back at Anya. Hed been trained not to do that, and his holder was unprotected. Hed uncuffed my arm to do something. Move it so he could pull my nails out a little easier, maybe? I couldnt quite remember, but it didnt matter. Hed given me what I needed, and in the shock that followed, I ran. I ran as far as I could until my fractured tibia shattered, knowing I wouldnt get another opportunity to escape. I closed my mouth, unable to say anything to Anya. Her smile turned smug, and she began reaching into her pocket. Somehow, I knew exactly what she was about to pull out before she did. My breath caught in my chest, and my heart began to speed as frantic terror exploded in me. I tried to scramble backwards, the gravel biting into my hands, but Anya was too quick. Her foot was on my broken leg before I could pull it away, and a scream tore its way out of my throat. Really? she sighed. Can you stop being pathetic for five minutes? Its really starting to bug me. My chest heaved as I stared at the unassuming metallic disc in her hands, my fear chasing away any lingering pain. I couldnt feel anything else. Numbness was spreading through me. You dont need to do this! I begged. Anya threw back her head as she laughed. The movement put more pressure on my ruined leg and caused another agonised cry to escape my lips, but Anyas genuine and delighted laughter bounced around the car park and drowned it out. Oh, Grace. You do make me laugh, she said finally, wiping the tears from her eyes before focusing on the disc. All I could do was watch as she twisted the top, causing it to expand outwards. The chrome metal glinted dully in the early morning sun as it grew before finally stopping. Her face flashed, illuminated by the brightly coloured buttons that flared to life on the surface of the device, and she began typing immediately. Sweat dripped down the side of my face. I had to get away. I needed to escape before she could press that thing against my skin. I couldnt take it, not again. But it was too late. Anya was already beginning to crouch again, the device held in her hand. The sharp pincers on the underside, the ones that would burrow deep into my flesh, were exposed, and my arms were bare. When had they ripped my sleeves off? I didnt even remember it happening, but that must have been their plan all along. They were always going to use that thing on me, and I couldnt let them. I couldnt let Anya do it. I thrashed, flailing my arms wildly. I wasnt really trying to hit her, just make it harder for her to get the thing in place, and she must have realised what I was doing. Irritation darted across her face as she tried to pin me down, holding the disc awkwardly to keep the pincers away from her skin. There was no escape for me in that world. The realisation hit me suddenly, and I felt my mind lunge outwards, searching frantically for a dizziness, for my dizziness. It had to be there somewhere. It was normally so easy to spot; it felt so different from the rest. All I needed to do was find it, and then A loud, jarring beeping dragged me back to the world. Anya had fallen still, the disc still clasped in her hand. Her wide eyes were fixed on the flashing device, and I tried to seize my opportunity, my chance to run, but I barely managed to move before her hand shot out. Her nails dug into my chin as she gripped it tightly, pulling it forward. Anyas face loomed close to mine as she leaned closer and stared into my eyes. Its happening, she breathed, seeming to be talking to herself. Youre doing it right now, arent you? Who else is in there? I jerked back, not just away from the girl who saw me but also away from the world. Darkness swallowed me, spinning around me as I held my breath. How? How did she know what was happening? Was that even possible? The world fell still, but still, I didnt dare open my eyes or breathe. I was scared, absolutely terrified of what I would find if I allowed myself to look around. It might not be my world. It could be another world, another one with Anya, who somehow knew I wasnt the real me. Or that I was the real me. I wasnt sure which of us was the real one or if it was more complex than that, and I didnt want to think about it. My head was already pounding. It wasnt real, I tried to tell myself. Nothing about that world was real. It was a dream. A nightmare. My brain was just making things up to scare me, and it worked. It knew how scared I was about anyone else finding out about my fantasies or whatever they were, so that was what it had done. It had created a fake world, one that wasnt real, where someone found out. That was it. Slowly, unable to resist the need to check for any longer, I forced myself to open my eyes. Relief slammed into me so strongly that I almost cried. I knew where I was immediately. The half-naked people who stared down at me from the walls were far too familiar. Id made it home. 4.20 Plucked from their beds My heart was pounding. I tried desperately to take deep breaths and calm down, but it felt impossible. It was too hard, and I was too nauseous. The phantom pain still gripped my body, but it felt slightly more distant. It was no longer quite so suffocating. I could breathe without the world spinning around me at a dizzying pace. I hadnt noticed how bad it was or how desperately my lungs had been crying out for oxygen before then. It had been drowned out by the unignorable agony, but I could feel it receding. It seemed to drain from my body slowly, leaving my fingertips last, and I rubbed my chest as I breathed, my mind drifting back to the other world. What the hell was going on there? Who was that girl whod been torturing me, and what had I done to deserve it? Who was I in that world? I knew her. I knew her and the boy Id killed, but I had no clue how I knew them, and I wasnt sure if I wanted to know. It scared me, terrified me. Maybe it would be better if I just ignored it and pretended Id never been to that world. Then, I might be able to convince myself I didnt know how it felt to have my fingers snapped like twigs or my nails plucked from their beds. A shudder slipped down my spine, and bile burned my throat. I pressed a hand against my mouth, trying to force it back down, but the images and memories kept flashing through my mind. Henry loomed before me, holding a knife. His smile grew as he pressed it slowly into my leg, his eyes fixed on my face as he drank in my pain. The image disappeared, being replaced by Anya as she delivered a brutal punch to my jaw. My head had snapped to the side, and my vision clouded as unconsciousness refused to take me. The sound of loose teeth clattering onto the gravel refused to leave my mind, but Id spat them out intentionally. It was better than keeping them in my mouth. Another hit, and I could have choked on them. The splintered shards would have shredded my throat as I swallowed, and I didnt want to die choking on my own blood. It wouldnt be a quick death, and that was what I wanted. No. I didnt want to die. That was just how I felt in that world, and it wasnt real; that world might not have even been real. Maybe it was just a dream or a nightmare. That made me feel a bit better. I didnt need to worry about nightmares or what happened in them. They were just my mind being cruel, and that was normal. A blaring noise sounded, identical to the one from the other world. My eyes snapped open again, and I threw myself out of bed, my head snapping from side to side. I scanned the dim room, frantically searching for the disc. It had to be around here somewhere, but I couldnt see it. Where was it? Theyre coming. Thats what the noise meant. They knew where I was, and they were coming for me. My heart pounded, and my breathing came in sharp, painful gasps as I looked around, trying desperately to find the item that haunted me. If I found it, I might be able to disable it. That wouldnt stop them; they would have already received the signal, and I knew that, but it might slow them down a little. The disc was too valuable, even when broken. Theyd want to retrieve it. The team might be split; some people sent after it, and some after me. That would be good. It would even the odds a little. I was good; I could fend off a few but not an entire squad. How did they even manage to get the device on me? Id been so careful. I didnt pick up anything new and searched my bag every single day to make sure nothing I didnt recognise had been slipped into it. I checked the lining and every single nook and cranny. There was no way theyd done it. My eyes landed on my bedside table, and I staggered forward, half-falling onto my bed as relief made my knees weak. It was just my phone. My alarm was going off. I wasnt being caught or captured by anyone. It was just time to get up. A high-pitched, slightly frantic-sounding giggle escaped my mouth as I switched off my alarm and sat on my bed. I was being stupid and panicking about nothing because of that silly nightmare, and it wasnt necessary. I didnt need to worry about it anymore; the only thing I had to worry about was My head snapped up again, my eyes fixed on the door. Footsteps were stomping up the stairs, moving towards my room. Quickly, I stood again, my body tensing. What should I do? That was my mother. I recognised the sound of her footsteps, and she didnt sound happy. Her steps were too loud, more forceful than normal. Shed probably had to put up with her parents being horrible to her, and that would have made her mood awful, which meant I had to be careful. My gaze darted around as I tried to work out what to do. I was just standing in the middle of the room and doing nothing, and that was weird. I had to make it seem like I was doing something when my mom came in. Either getting dressed or just waking up were the best options. But if I got back into bed, shed call me lazy. Fear flickered in my heart as I threw my phone onto the bed and lunged towards the pile of clothes Id left out the night before. I didnt have time to actually get changed, but I had to make it look like I was about to. Then, it would be better. Shed know I was actually doing something and would be ready soon, and maybe that would make her less mad. I dropped the clothes onto the mattress and reached towards the hem of my shirt before stopping. I waited, trying to steady my breathing, for my mom to reach my room. The moment the door started to move, I let go of my shirt and turned around, trying to plaster a surprised expression on my face. Oh, morning, I said awkwardly, trying not to wince at the undercurrent of panic in my voice. Mom was already dressed. Her hair was perfectly styled, and her makeup carefully applied. She looked as though shed been awake for hours, and I wouldnt have been surprised if she had. Are you only just getting up? she demanded, a scowl twisting her features. I hesitated before speaking, unsure how to respond. Um yes? That had not been the right answer, and I looked away from my mom, trying to make the movement subtle as I glanced towards my phone, which lay face up on my bed. Surprise flared within me, and I had to fight not to let it show on my face. It was ten minutes to seven, and I thought it was earlier. Id set earlier alarms; I was certain of it. There was one at half six and another at six forty. I wanted to make sure I wasnt late, so I didnt anger my mom anymore, but it hadnt worked. I didnt even remember the first two alarms going off. The only one I could recall was the latest one, but Id definitely set others. I knew I had. Id checked them before I went to sleep, and I could remember seeing them, so I must have just slept through my alarms or turned them off in my sleep. I had no memory of that happening, which caused unease to bubble in my stomach, but I pushed it aside. I did that sometimes. Especially before school. It was normal enough for me to turn them off in my sleep. We need to go out in less than ten minutes! I know. Ill be ready, I promised my mom, trying to appease her. Im all ready to go. I just need to get changed and brush my teeth. My mom stared at me, her anger barely concealed. A hint of fear sparked within me, and I felt myself hold my breath, waiting for her wrath. I told you to be at the front door and ready to leave at seven, she started, her tone dangerously quiet. And I will be, I said before she could continue. I just need a couple of minutes. It was a risky strategy, and I knew that. If I stopped her before her fury had the chance to finish blossoming, it might interrupt it. That worked sometimes. It never fixed the situation, but occasionally, it made things less bad. Then Id be able to start getting ready, and maybe I could actually get downstairs before seven. My mom seemed to be considering how to react. She appeared torn between surprise and anger, and I waited anxiously to see which one she would settle on. Anger would be more satisfying for her. Lashing out at me would probably make her feel better about her parents and how they were treating her, but then they might overhear, and that could be worse. They might judge her parenting skills, as if they had any right to. Well see, was all my mom said before turning and stalking away without even bothering to shut the door. A silent sigh of relief slipped from my lips, and I started to reach for my clothes before hesitating and changing my mind. I grabbed my phone again before hurrying out of my room towards the bathroom. It made more sense to brush my teeth first. Id already packed all my clothes, and if I spilt some toothpaste on my shirt, Id either have to try and wash it off and then deal with the wet patch, or there would be a stain. Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. Both would be bad, I decided, as I used the toilet as quickly as I could. My grandparents werent the type of people to ignore something like that. If I had anything on my shirt, they would specifically point it out, and that would annoy my mom. Id get a rant in the car about how I was clumsy and childish and how no man would ever want to be with someone like me. That was a classic one she repeated fairly often, and I knew I could always grab a different top from my suitcase to avoid that happening, but that was risky too. It would take a little longer, and my mom might walk in whilst I was rifling through it and assume I hadnt actually finished packing the night before like Id told her. I glanced at the time as I brushed my teeth, and panic surged within me. I was taking too long. Somehow, four minutes had passed since Id checked last, and I spat out my toothpaste, not bothering with mouthwash. Normally, I used it. I felt gross when I didnt, but it was fine. It would have to be, anyway. Shoving my things into my wash bag, I looked around the bathroom, checking to make sure Id got everything. My shampoo and conditioner were already in my suitcase, and I couldnt see anything else, but still, I hesitated, wanting to be certain. I didnt have time, though. Irritation bristled within me as I threw the door open and hurried back into my room. My eyes darted towards my phone again as I threw my stuff down onto the bed and stripped as quickly as I could, pulling on my other clothes before grabbing my backpack from the floor. My eyes darted around the room, and I barely paid any attention as I thrust my pyjamas into the bag. Id been careful with my packing. I knew that, but I was still worried about forgetting anything. If I did, Id never see it again. My grandparents would bin whatever Id left. I knew that from past experience. A couple of years ago, Id left a pair of shoes in the bottom of the wardrobe. Or at least, I was pretty sure that was where Id seen them last. They werent really expensive or anything, but my dad had gotten them for me. Mom didnt like them; she said they looked cheap, but they were the first pair of heels Id ever worn, even though they barely counted as heels. They were only a couple of centimetres. When we got home and I unpacked, I couldnt find them. Mom heard me searching my room and noticed I was crying. It was silly. I shouldnt have been crying over something as unimportant as shoes, just like she said, and I should have known better than to mention it to her. I did, but it just slipped out, and I can still remember the smugness in her voice. She made me call my grandparents to ask them if theyd seen the shoes. I didnt want to do it, but she dialled their number and held the phone out to me, so I had to speak. They seemed surprised to hear from me, and obviously, they said they hadnt seen anything. They didnt even go up to the room I stayed in to check. They just dismissed it immediately, and when I went back the next year, I checked the wardrobe, but they were gone. Mom refused to replace them. I didnt ask her to, but she made a point to tell me she wouldnt do it. It would be a waste of money, according to my mom. Id just lose them again. Shed laughed when she said that, unable to hide her enjoyment for any longer. She seemed to delight in how miserable shed made me, and I tried to hold back the tears until she left, but it was impossible. Dad had offered to take me shopping for another pair. He didnt even hesitate to suggest that when my mom brought up that Id lost them at dinner, her voice quivering with suppressed mirth. The guilt was too much for me, though. Id refused, which also made me feel bad. It was better, though. I didnt want my dad to waste money on me, and it would have caused a fight between my parents if he had. Him offering caused one, but it would have been worse if Id accepted. The room was empty, though. Only my charging cable remained, but I was already winding it up. I shoved it into my bag, chewing my lower lip as I searched the room one final time. I threw the wardrobe doors open, checked under the bed and everywhere I could think of, but I didnt see anything else of mine. Two minutes. I had two minutes to get downstairs. That was manageable. I could do that. Triumph roared within me as I slipped my phone into my pocket and fluffed the duvet, smoothing it out so it looked neater. The housekeeper would change the bedding later, so there was no real point in me doing anything to it, but Mom would get annoyed if I didnt. Finally, I moved towards the door, grabbed my bags and sent one last look over my shoulder. There was nothing else there, though. Nothing stood out to me as being obviously forgotten or out of place, but I knew if I didnt check, it would make me panic. My moms suitcases were waiting next to the front door, but she was nowhere to be seen, I realised as I descended the stairs. Id expected to see her standing there, her eyes on her phone and her expression irritated, but the foyer was empty. The house was strangely quiet. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I placed my bags next to Moms and straightened up. Normally, in the mornings, Id be able to hear the radio in the kitchen and the television blaring in the lounge, but neither were on. It was silent, and that felt wrong. My heart thumped as fear loomed closer. I looked around, peering along the corridor as I tried to work out what to do. It was seven. My mom should have been at the front door, and maybe she wanted me to wait there. Perhaps she was trying to prove a point or something by having me wait around. But that didnt explain why the rest of the house was silent. I padded towards the lounge, my feet making no sound. Holding my breath, I peeked around the door, my eyes scanning the room. Empty. There was no coffee cup on the table next to my grandfathers chair, no plate with the remnants of breakfast sitting next to it. There was no sign hed even set foot in the room all morning, and he always did. Id never seen him do anything else in the morning. Unease crept over me as I started to walk along the long hallway towards the kitchen. My breathing felt too fast, and my hands formed loose fists as I drew closer. My gaze moved constantly. It flitted from side to side, searching every room I passed and settling on each of the windows for a little too long, but I saw nothing. My grandparents and mom were nowhere to be seen. I stopped a metre away from the kitchen door, cursing whoever designed the house in my head. From where I was standing, I could barely see into the room. It made me feel unprepared and in danger, and the room was too large. So many assailants could be lying in wait there, and the openness of the room meant they could all attack me at once. Id be overpowered too easily. I needed a weapon. Confusion washed over me, drowning out some of my fear. Where did that thought come from? Why was I thinking about assailants? I wasnt sure Id ever used that word before. It was a weird one, mostly reserved for crime television shows, and I couldnt recall ever hearing anyone use it in real life. The only people waiting for me in the kitchen were probably just my grandparents and mom. I was probably about to walk in and find them sitting around the table, drinking coffee in silence. That was much more likely than a squad of highly armed people dressed entirely in black. Still, I had to take a deep breath before squaring my shoulders and marching forward. My eyes flitted around, and I tried to act normal as I continued to scan the room surreptitiously. There you are, my mom sighed without looking up at me from the table where she sat alone. I thought you were going to be down on time? It was a rhetorical question, and I knew that, but an answer escaped before I could stop it. I was at the front door at seven. I thought thats what you wanted. Regret crashed into me as my mothers eyebrows rose. The surprise of me talking back to her was enough to make her look away from her phone, and the expression on her face made panic leap within me. I needed to apologise. I should have bitten my tongue and stayed silent. That would have been so much better, but instead, I was stupid and impulsive. Oh, youre still here? I had never been so grateful to hear my grandmothers uncaring tone. My mother shut her mouth immediately, and her icy expression thawed. A forced smile appeared on her lips. I think were just about to leave, I said, causing my grandmother to huff dismissively and walk past me towards the coffee machine. My moms eyes followed her as she moved, and I could see the indecision on her face. We were, she said after a couple of seconds. I was worried we werent going to see you guys before we left. Did you and Dad have a lie-in? No, my grandmother replied as she fiddled with the machine, slamming parts into place loudly. I read the newspaper upstairs, and your father is doing the gardening. Mom hesitated, and I glanced between her and my grandmother, trying to work out what was going on. Mom looked so uncertain, and that made her look younger. I could almost see the person she was as a kid, trying desperately to get even just an ounce of her parents love, and that made me feel so bad for her. Oh, I didnt see him outside, Mom said, her tone polite and cheery still. Hes probably in the shed. Ah I didnt think to look there. The noise of the coffee machine filled the room, and I glanced at Mom again. She was lying, I realised. The disappointment on her face made that clear. My granddad spent a fair bit of time in the building in the garden. It wasnt really a shed. It was too big to be counted as one, and it was too nice. Id only been in it a couple of times; my grandfather usually shooed me away so he could watch television in silence. Mom must have looked there. She knew he hid in there often, which meant hed probably locked the door from the inside and ignored her knocking. And my grandmother never read the paper upstairs. She must have had a reason for doing it, and I realised what it was immediately. They didnt want to see Mom. Or maybe they did. Surely, my grandmother would have just stayed upstairs if she didnt want to see us. They probably just wanted to get one final dig in, one last reminder that they didnt really care about my mother. So, youre leaving now? my grandmother asked as she turned towards the table, a mug held in her hands. It was a pointed question, and even my mother couldnt pretend not to have noticed. She lifted her own cup to her lips and drained it quickly before standing. Yes, we are. Have you got everything, Grace? 4.21 Tension I think so. It was immediately apparent that I had said the wrong thing. Both my mother and grandmother turned towards me slowly, their expressions identical and disapproving. You think you have everything? my mother echoed, her tone taking on a mocking edge. Well, do you want to go upstairs and check? The question felt like an order, and I knew my mom wanted me to agree without hesitation, but it was a trap. I could sense it, and I was too experienced to fall for it. If I were to do as she wanted and go back upstairs, it would just make her furious. It was already later than she wanted, and we hadnt left. She would blame me even more so than she already planned to, and the journey home would be a nightmare. It was already going to be, but things would get worse, and I didnt want that. Going upstairs and searching the room again wouldnt be worth it. Plus, I was pretty sure I hadnt left anything behind. If I had, it was too late. No, I said, my tone more confident than I felt. I have everything. The judgement didnt leave my grandmothers face, and she stared at me for a few more seconds, making sure I knew how she felt, before turning and moving towards the table. Mmm, was all my mother said once it became clear my grandmother didnt intend to say anything. She didnt bother looking back at me as she started to load her mug and plate into the dishwasher. I hovered awkwardly, unsure of what to do. It felt so weird for me to just stand in the doorway, but I also didnt want to enter the room. That somehow felt more uncomfortable, and I glanced at my grandmother as I tried to work out what to do. Her eyes were fixed on the window in front of her. She wasnt paying any attention to me or my mom, who was still loading things into the dishwasher loudly. I watched as she lifted her coffee up to her lips and took a sip, still staring out at the world. The coffee was billowing steam. It must have burnt her lips, but she didnt react at all. I looked back at my mom. She had stopped moving and was staring at my grandmother too, but she must have felt my gaze because she blinked quickly and looked at me. Well, do you want to go get your shoes on? she asked, her tone making it clear she was ordering me around again. She turned back to her mom, her voice becoming slightly louder and much happier. Mom, shall I go and find Dad? Theres no need to bother him. I was so glad Id already turned away because I couldnt help the wince that flitted across my face at that comment, and I knew my mom wouldnt have been happy if shed seen it. My grandmother was just so rude and callous, and it made me want to say something. It was clear how much she was hurting my mom; there was no way she could miss it, but she didnt seem to care at all. My hands squeezed into fists as I began to walk away, hoping some distance would make it easier to ignore the temptation, but it barely dimmed. We were about to leave and didnt visit at Christmas anymore, so it would be almost a year before we saw them again. Surely, my grandfather would want to see his daughter before we left. I knew he didnt really care about me, but she was his daughter. I couldnt imagine my dad ever treating me so coldly. Oh great. Well, make sure to give him my love and tell him it was great to see him, I heard my mother say, a forced smile audible in her voice. Luckily, the click of my mothers heels on the kitchen floor drowned out whatever horrible thing my grandmother said in response, and I was glad. I didnt want to hear it. The way my grandmother acted was just so disgusting. I mean, I knew my mom wasnt always the nicest person in the world, but she tried so hard with them. She never treated them badly or was rude to them, but they didnt care. I reached the front door and hesitated before starting to slip my trainers on, glancing back over my shoulder. To my surprise, my grandmother was in the hallway behind my mother. She was actually walking towards us, even if she was taking her time and pretending to be distracted by the photos on the wall. Id expected her to stay in the kitchen with her coffee, refusing to come out until my mother called for her or went to get her. It had happened before. More than once, actually. She always said it was a waste of time to just stand there and wait whilst we faffed with our shoes or bags, apparently unaware that she could use that time to talk to us. She didnt really do that kind of thing, though. She would never go out of her way to make conversation. I reached down, hooking my arms into my backpack and lifting it into place before looking up at my mom. She was rooting around in her handbag, searching for something. She was taking ages, though. There was something a little too deliberate about her movements too. It made me feel like she was taking her time on purpose, as if she was waiting for something to happen. An exasperated sigh came from my grandmother, and my moms head snapped up, her keys clasped in her hand. Ah, there we go, she said a little too quickly before beaming at her mom. Well, it was great to see you! Thank you so much for having us. Not at all, my grandmother replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. There was another moment of silence, and I could tell Mom was waiting for her mother to hug her. Shed lifted her arms slightly, and the look of hopeful anticipation on her face as she stared at my grandmother made my heart ache. My grandmother just looked back at her blankly. The urge to say something rose within me again, but I had no clue what would help the situation, and it felt weird. Would it just irritate my mom more if I interjected? My grandmother would see it as rude. I knew she would, but I wasnt sure if I cared. Mom would, though. It would upset her. Love you, Mom, my mother said after a pause, stepping towards her and holding her arms out. A delicately disgusted look appeared on my grandmothers face, but she allowed my mother to hug her for a couple of seconds before letting her arms fall limp. My mother clung to her for just a moment longer before moving away. Yes, yes. Love you too, she said, looking down as she straightened her clothes. And watch your speeds as you go past the houses. I dont want to receive another call from George about your reckless driving. It was the same warning she gave every single year, and, like always, my mom forced out a humourless laugh. I was nineteen, Mom, she said, a muscle in her jaw twitching. Sometimes, she just agreed and let it slide. I think it depended on how exhausted she was by my grandmother or how much shed angered her. My grandmother didnt ever seem to care how Mom reacted, though. She still brought it up the following year. Thats old enough to know better, my grandmother snapped. I was already married to your father and pregnant with your brother at that age. I wasnt speeding around with no regard for my familys reputation. Honestly, I dont know where we went wrong with you. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from replying. My mother didnt say anything, obviously. She just stared down at her keys, her shoulders slumped and her expression unhappy. There was something so familiar about the sight. I wasnt sure what it was exactly, but it felt like I was getting an insight into how her mother treated her when she was a kid, and I hated it. My grandmother looked proud, though. Her lip was curled as she stared at my mother, seeming to enjoy how sad she had made her daughter. I recognised her expression too. It was the same one my mother wore after making me feel horrible, and I wasnt sure what to make of that. It just made me feel worse, and I wanted to do something to protect my mom or make her feel better. Bye, I said, shattering the silence that had settled around us. Thank you for letting us stay. I purposefully did not say it was nice to see her like my mother had. I wasnt sure if shed notice, but part of me hoped she would. It could be dismissed as an unintentional thing, but it wasnt, and I almost wanted her to suspect that. My grandmother patted me on the back before letting go, the hug feeling even shorter than the one shed had with my mother, but I didnt care. I was ready to leave, and I didnt really even want to hug her. I didnt enjoy it. The only reason I did it was because I was meant to, and I knew my mom would get annoyed if I didnt. So would my grandmother, but that would just be for appearances. Safe journey, my grandmother said, her eyes flitting past me to the front door. They lingered there for just a moment before returning to my face, and I had to press my lips together as a laugh threatened to escape. It was kind of funny how hard my grandmother was trying to make us leave. Shed given up on any attempts of subtlety, and I was tempted to pretend I hadnt noticed. The thought of smiling blankly at my grandmother, refusing to move and instead choosing to make pleasant conversation, pulled at me. It would be so funny. What would she do next if it became clear I hadnt gotten the message? Would she reach past me and open the door? Or would she just openly tell me to leave? I had no clue, and I would have done it if I couldnt see how sad it was making my mom. This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it. She should have been used to it by then. My grandparents were rarely there when we were leaving, but on the rare occasion when they were, they acted the same way. They were always so eager for them to go, and I was happy to comply. I turned, opening the front door before lifting my bags. A soft breeze reached through the open doorway, caressing my face and carrying the promise of freedom. It was almost impossible not to immediately race outside, but I forced myself to look back at my grandmother and smile before stepping through the door. Bye, love you! I called, trying to keep the happiness out of my voice. Behind me, my mother attempted to juggle her many suitcases and bags. I glanced back at her, debating offering to help. My hands were already full, though. There wasnt anything I could do without putting my bags down, but my grandmother wasnt holding anything. She was just standing there, watching my mother struggle. Finally, she managed to lift everything. She beamed at my grandmother, who looked back, her expression impassive. Bye, mom! Love you! she said as she slowly stepped out the door, her tone far too light and cheerful. Ill give you a ring when we get home! Drive safe, was all my grandmother said before slamming the door. The fake smile stayed fixed on my mothers face as we walked across the gravel, but I could feel the bad mood brewing within her. My eyes flitted towards the trees on the far side of the car. I wished I could just keep walking and not spend the entire day trapped in the car with her, but there was no way to avoid it. I had to go home at some point, and I didnt want to spend any more time with my grandparents. Perhaps it wouldnt be that bad. The journey might go surprisingly quickly, and I barely got any sleep the night before, I told myself. Maybe Id fall asleep the moment I got in the car and not wake up until we got home. That would be ideal, but I already knew it wasnt going to happen. I came to a stop by the back of the car and placed my suitcases down as I waited for my mom to unlock the boot. She took her time, fumbling with her bags and glancing back at the house before finally doing it, and I glanced up at her before slipping my bags into the boot. I tried to make them take up as little space as possible, stacking them on top of each other so her bags could have more room, but she didnt seem to notice. She wasnt even watching. She normally did. Usually, I could feel her gaze burning into me as I put my stuff in the car. Shed sigh or make snide comments throughout, but she remained silent. She just continued to stare into the distance. Was she looking at something? Or was she waiting for me to do something? She hadnt even started to put her bags into the boot. Did she want me to do it for her? She didnt normally like it when I did that. She always found an issue with how Id done it. Either I put the wrong one on top, and something would apparently get crushed, or Id left too much space at the side, meaning that everything would slide around and something would get broken. It had never happened before, of course, but apparently, it was only a matter of time. Hesitantly, I glanced in the direction my mom was looking. My grandfathers shed was nestled amongst the trees with the door wide open. Confusion washed over me for just a moment. That meant my grandmother was telling the truth, and hed been out there the whole time, but Mom would have checked. I knew she would have, so he must have been hiding for her. He probably kept the door shut until he heard us loading the car, knowing it was unlikely wed go over at that point. I chewed on my lip as my eyes flicked between the shed and my mom again. Her expression was so wistful and uncertain, and that made me feel unsure. We couldnt just stand around in the driveway all day, but the brief moment of my mom not being annoyed at me or angry was so peaceful. I wasnt sure if I was ready to give that up just yet, but I had to. If we took too long, my grandmother would probably come out to see what the problem was, and that would be worse. Umm do you want some help? I offered, hoping she wouldnt get annoyed at me for interrupting her thoughts. She blinked, looking around at me. What? You know the suitcases? I said, gesturing towards the bags lying forgotten around her. Mom glanced down at them, seeming to have forgotten they were even there. Oh, she said distractedly before glancing back towards the shed. Yes, that would be nice. I picked up the first bag carefully, sliding it into the back of the car. My mom drifted away as I lifted the second one, and I watched her out of the corner of my eye. She didnt go any further than the front of the car, though. She seemed unable to pass it but unable to look away from the shed again as I placed the rest of her bags in the boot. Once everything was loaded into the car, and I was certain I hadnt put anything in the wrong place, I shut the boot. My mom barely reacted to the noise, and I hesitated before beginning to move towards the passenger door, but she still didnt move. Should we go say goodbye? I asked. Hmm? my mom said, turning towards me before glancing back towards the shed. Oh, no. Its fine. Hes probably busy in there. Well just wave as we go past. My eyes flicked towards the driveway. It didnt go that close to the shed. We probably wouldnt be able to see my grandfather unless he actually stepped outside or leaned out the door, and I wasnt sure if he would. Hed know we were there. Hed most likely already heard us packing the car up, but even if he hadnt, the crunch of gravel under the wheels was always so loud. There was no way hed be able to miss it. But he could just ignore us. That wouldnt really surprise me. That sounds like a good idea, I lied as I pulled the door open and slipped my phone out of my pocket before climbing in. Well, it was a better plan than walking over there, only for my grandfather to slam the door moments before we reached it and ignore our knocking. That would be cruel, but hed done it before. I really didnt want him to do that to Mom after my grandmother had already been so cold towards her. It would just make everything worse. I pulled the seat belt into place as my mom started the engine and paused, glancing towards the house again. I couldnt help but do the same. There was no sign of my grandmother at any of the windows, not that she ever watched us leave. Sometimes, Id look back just before the house disappeared from view, and Id catch a glimpse of movement, but I was never sure if she was watching us or if it was just a coincidence. Finally, my mom rested her hands on the steering wheel and looked across at me. My spine straightened, and immediately, I could tell her mood had shifted. She was no longer distant and distracted by thoughts of her parents. There was a coldness in her eyes, an edge to the way she looked at me. Did you use the bathroom before we left? she demanded. Because I dont plan on stopping every five minutes. Yes, I replied. She really didnt need to say that. I was rarely the reason we stopped; it was always because of her. She needed to use the bathroom way more than I did, but I was convinced that sometimes she lied about it so shed have an excuse to stop for a cigarette. She couldnt go more than an hour or so without one. My moms eyebrows rose, her expression doubting, as she began to reverse. Good. And I hope youre not too hungry because youll have to wait until we stop for lunch, she told me. You could have had breakfast this morning, but She shot me a pointed look, and it took all of my self-restraint not to roll my eyes at her. I got up late. I knew that, and she didnt need to point it out, but she did anyway. I assumed shed probably do it a few more times before we got home too. Im not hungry. That wasnt exactly a lie. I wasnt properly hungry. There was a hollow, nagging ache in the pit of my stomach, but it was faint, and I wasnt even sure if Id be able to handle eating at that moment. I was still feeling a bit queasy after that horrible dream or whatever it was, and I was worried that if I did eat, Id get sick. The movement of the car was already making me a little nauseous. Mom wouldnt react well if I was ill. If I woke up late and made her stop because I was being sick, it would mean we were running even further behind schedule, and shed be furious. Or suspicious. I was pretty sure it would make her change her stance on not stopping so she could pick up a pregnancy test and force me to take it again. Hmm, was all she said before her tone changed, brightening instantly as she lowered the window. Wave to your grandfather, Grace! Her voice was so loud I was sure my grandfather must have heard it from the shed. I forced a smile onto my face and waved, waiting to see if he would appear. For a moment, nothing happened. Tension grew within the car, and the grin started to slip from my face, but then a hand appeared from the open door. My grandfather didnt bother to actually exit the shed or even lean out. He just waved quickly before disappearing again. Bye, Dad, my mom shouted. I love you! My mom waited for a reply, but none came. Her expression slowly became more pained before she swallowed hard, and her smile became strained as she continued to drive towards the gate. The window stayed down, though. I wasnt sure if she just hadnt realised or if she was hoping to hear her dad respond to her as we drove away, but I dont think he said anything. I started reaching towards my seat belt as we approached the gates. Mom always made me get out to open them, but to my surprise, a mechanical buzzing sounded. Confusion washed over me as they began to swing open before glancing at the mirror. The house was too far away to see clearly, but my grandmother must have been watching us through the security cameras. The timing was too good. She couldnt have just guessed how long it would take us to get there. My mom must have come to the same conclusion because her grin grew even wider. It looked painful, but she didnt let it fall from her lips until we turned out onto the road, and she finally rolled up the window. She barely sped up, though. We were on a proper road, not just a gravel driveway, but my mom drove so slowly. Boredom and impatience spun within me as I stared ahead blankly, feeling the need to escape pulling at my mind. It was so painful to just sit there as we moved at a glacial speed past houses with twitching curtains, and I could feel my moms mood gradually worsening as her scowl deepened. I didnt want to stay there. I couldnt. My anxiety was starting to spike, and my heartbeat was steadily speeding up. I could feel it happening, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was too on edge, too aware that my mom was a bomb, becoming more fragile and likely to detonate by the second. If I stayed there, if I just did nothing, Id be caught in the explosion. Dizziness stroked the edge of my mind, the sensation new and so tempting, but I jerked away from it. Terror filled me. Could I risk going somewhere new? I wouldnt know what to expect there, what was waiting for me. It could be just like the world Id escaped that morning, and someone could be there, a knife at the ready to drive into my flesh. I sucked in a deep breath, my eyes flitting towards my mom to make sure she didnt notice I was hyperventilating. But then, what was the alternative? What could I do instead? Just stay in the real world and do nothing? Claustrophobia began to smother me, and I tried to inhale slowly, but it wasnt enough. No matter how hard I tried, it wasnt enough. I couldnt breathe. Dizziness started to cloud my mind, and I couldnt work out if it was from a lack of oxygen or a new world, but that just made my fear sharper. I clutched my phone desperately, the sharp edges of my case cutting into my palm as my vision was overtaken by white spots. 4.22 People will talk Are you alright, my dear? a voice asked. I blinked, feeling myself stumble slightly. A hand caught my forearm, holding me up, but I couldnt see who it was. My vision was too hazy and bright. It was impossible to focus on anything. The world around me seemed to swim, the colours a dazing blur, and I blinked again, hoping that would make it easier, before taking a deep breath. Or trying to, at least. I still couldnt breathe properly. My chest was too tight. It didnt have enough space because my dress had been laced far too tight, and it was too thick. There were too many layers, which made it much harder. It was cutting off my oxygen, and all for what? To accentuate my waist and bosom? That wasnt worth passing out in the middle of the ballroom, and I wasnt even sure if it was working. Why couldnt a straighter figure have been in fashion like it was last season? That was so much easier for me. Granted, I despised the style of the dresses and how I looked in them. The high waistline, tight until just below the chest and then flaring out ever so slightly, was strangely uncomfortable. It should have been better. It should have been easier to wear, and I knew that, but I hated it. It made me look like I was dressed in a potato sack; that was the reason. I looked utterly shapeless, and that was the intention, but I didnt understand. Still, it didnt matter what I thought. I wasnt the one who decided on the fashion of the season; that fell to someone else. All I could do was be grateful I only had a couple more years before I could marry, and then everything would be easier. Of course, I would still attend the balls, but I wouldnt be expected to put quite so much effort in. I would still keep up with the trends, obviously; Id be a fool not to, but I wouldnt be on the prowl for a husband, so Id have less people to impress. Fewer people would be staring at me and judging my every move. My mind seemed to jolt as it caught up with my thoughts. A husband, marriage, a ball? I inhaled slowly, my eyes darting around. I was in another world. A new one, and it didnt look that scary. Maybe Id done it. Perhaps I was actually safe. Excitement slammed into me, tinged with relief, and my knees turned weak. I would have swooned if not for the man peering down at me, his hand still on my forearm. It gave me the support I needed to stay standing, and I was so grateful. But Id been silent for too long. He had asked me a question, but I had yet to respond. I forced myself to blink again, pressing my hand to my chest and arranging my features into an innocently startled expression as I looked at the man. Oh, my apologies, I said quickly, my tone coming out more simpering than Id expected. I was just a little flustered. The mans expression became even more concerned, his eyebrows drawing together. For some reason, that made me feel better. If I were in a world where someone was that worried about me, it couldnt be that bad of a place, I decided. It was unlikely to be, anyway. I barely knew the man, who was at least ten years my senior, but he still seemed to care. That was promising. Ah, he replied. Shall I fetch a doctor? Anxiety jumped in my heart. He couldnt do that. How would I explain the cause of my dizzy spell? Thank you, I said, gently laying a grateful hand on his arm, but that shouldnt be necessary. His jacket was softer than I expected. It didnt appear particularly silken, but it felt lovely. I couldnt help but admire the style too. It was unusual and old-fashioned. The black jacket was shorter at the front, but I could see the long tail from where I stood, which took me by surprise. Id never seen a tailcoat before. It was the kind of thing that had gone out of fashion years ago, and it only really existed in movies anymore, but that was wrong, I decided. It looked wonderful, and I longed for it to become a more frequent option once more. It was so elegant, especially with the double-breasted waistcoat the man wore below. He looked exceedingly handsome, I noticed. The crimson brocade waistcoat was a fantastic choice for him. It looked classic and suited him so well, even if it was a bold choice, but perhaps it was intentional. Maybe he wanted to stand out from the crowd. My eyes moved beyond him, scanning the room quickly and taking in the rest of the people. Somehow, I realised slowly, his clothing choices did not seem particularly unusual. He had not made any daring decisions with his outfit. Every man around me was wearing old-fashioned clothing, but it was the women that caught my eye. Elaborate ball gowns filled the room, their colours bright. People dressed in shades of pink, red, green and blue danced before me, and I tried not to stare, but it was nearly impossible not to admire their choices. The dresses were just so beautiful, and the fabrics so varied. Some were patterned, others filled with intricate embroidery, and a few plain, but that didnt make them any less eye-catching. If anything, it seemed to add to their appeal. My eyes found one of the unembellished gowns, and desire washed over me. I longed to own the peach dress the woman was wearing. The colour was so elegant, but it was the sleeves that caught my attention. They were tight to just below her elbows before turning into layered ruffles, trimmed in lace, and many women had a similar design, but the simple material seemed to elevate them, making them even more delicate. Are you sure? the man asked, capturing my focus once more. I am, but thank you, I replied, cautious not to let my tone slip from the one Id been practising. He hesitated, his expression uncertain. It was evident he still wanted to call for the doctor, but luckily, he nodded. Very well, he said. I shan''t be far, should you need me. It was a slightly over-familiar statement, but I was almost certain he hadnt meant it in that way. He was simply trying to be reassuring, and I appreciated that. He was a good enough man. His position in society wasnt particularly noteworthy, but it was enough for me to send him a coy smile. Thank you. He returned the smile, seemingly emboldened by my reaction, before reaching out for my hand. I allowed him to take it, feeling slightly uncertain as I watched him press a kiss to my knuckles. How did one react to that? I didnt know what to do. No one had ever kissed my hand before in real life, and I tried to remember what people did or said in reaction to it in movies Id watched, but I couldnt think of anything. My mind was entirely blank. I hope to see you again soon, he said before stepping away and letting my hand fall to my side. That would be lovely, I replied, the words slipping from my lips without conscious thought. His smile widened as he turned away from me, but all I could do was watch. My head felt like it was spinning. I was so far out of my depth, so unsure of what I was meant to be doing or how I was meant to act, and one question seemed to be stuck in my mind, making me feel even more out of my depth. Had I gone back in time? The outfits were so old-looking, and so was the decor. It was luxurious. Portraits hung on the walls, encased in golden flames, and the vast ballroom was illuminated by a flicking electric chandelier. A distinct smell in the air, a comforting and familiar scent, made me certain the lamps in the sconces around the room were oil. People didnt really use oil lamps in the modern period, as far as I was aware. I didnt know anyone who had one. For some reason, the thought of being in the past scared me. It just felt wrong, but I wasnt sure why. Id visited worlds that werent in the same year as mine. Many had seemed so different, so technologically advanced, and that must have meant they were the future, but Id never stopped to think about it. And Id never travelled backwards in time. That was entirely new to me, and I think that was why it felt so terrifying. Things were different in the past. There were so many rules and norms and things I needed to be aware of, but I didnt know what they were. I didnt pay enough attention during my history classes, but even if I did, I wasnt sure if that would have helped. They didnt exactly teach us how to behave if we ever found ourselves being dragged backwards through time. Or maybe that wasnt what had happened, I realised slowly. Maybe I was at exactly the same point in history as my real world; it was just different. The world could have advanced, it could have progressed differently, and that meant it wasnt the same as ours. There could be some areas where they were even more advanced than ours, and some seemed further behind. This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. I had no idea, but the thought was comforting to me. It made me feel as though I wasnt quite so unsteady. I hadnt been dropped into an utterly different world. It was just a little more formal? No, that didnt feel right. There was something else about it that stood out to me, but I couldnt quite put my finger on what. But it didnt matter. I needed to move, to do something other than just linger at the edge of the ballroom. There were seats. Somewhere behind me, there were seats. I needed to go sit down rather than just standing there awkwardly. It made me look weird and out of place. Quickly, I turned, keeping my gaze forward as I watched people out of the corner of my eye. I was acutely aware of how much attention was on me as I moved towards one of the empty armchairs and sunk into it. The movement made my skirt puff up, and I stared down at it, my mind turning empty from shock as my eyes widened. Somehow, I had not considered what I was wearing until that exact moment. I should have. It should have occurred to me to check before then. I knew it was tight, and Id been admiring the rest of the gowns, but I never actually thought to look down. It was beautiful, I realised, my heart thumping in my throat as emotion rose within my chest. The full skirt was pale. It was such a light shade of blue that it almost looked white, which made my skin look perfectly sun-kissed. Tiny deep blue flowers dotted the material, and I reached out, letting my finger trace one of them. Forget me nots. That was what the flower was. I recognised the shape of the flower and the ring of yellow surrounding the warm brown centre. They grew all around the grounds of my familys estate, and I loved them. That was why they were on my dress, I recalled. My family had gone to so much effort to have the dress made, taking into account my favourite flower, not just because they were beautiful but also to remind me of home. They needed me to make the best possible impression and keep them in mind. I had to remember why I was there. A shaky sigh slipped from my lips. It was fine, I tried to reassure myself. I was doing fine. The season had been going well thus far; really well, in fact. I was socialising, becoming closer with all the right people, all the people Id been instructed to befriend, and I was actually enjoying it. Mostly. It was stressful. A lot of pressure had been placed on me, and the constant reminder of how much was riding on my ability to make a good impression and be invited back next year when I was of marriage age made it hard to breathe sometimes. The knowledge that the duke was looking for his next wife didnt help either. He wouldnt need to wait until next year, my mother had informed me. If he took a shine to me, we could be married in the fall. Id made a good impression on him, I thought. It seemed like I had, at least. Wed danced together at the last event, and I was so careful to ensure I remembered every step and didnt embarrass myself or him. It seemed to work. Hed told me he enjoyed himself and that hed be sure to find me for another dance at this ball, but that had yet to happen, which was making me a little nervous. Part of me couldnt help but worry Id made a grave mistake at some point without realising, and people were mocking me behind my back. It didnt matter, though. I didnt need to worry about what they thought or whether Id done well enough to deserve an invite to the next season. That was of little importance to me anymore. A shadow fell over me, and I blinked, drawing myself out of my thoughts to look up at the man before me. May I have this dance, my lady? he asked, a handsome smile on his lips as he held his hand out to me. My heart leapt, but my smile faltered for just a moment. I wasnt sure why. I recognised the man. I knew I did, but I was unsure of the connection. My memories were still too distant from me; they were inaccessible, and all I could recall was that we had met before. Many times, actually. He looked different from the others. There was something about him that made him stand out compared to the rest of the men, and I wasnt sure what it was. He was younger than most, still older than me, but only by a few years or so. His clothing wasnt too dissimilar from theirs, but he wore it with such confidence, such assuredness, that it appeared different. Or perhaps it was his smile. It held a rougish quality, as if he were on the brink of telling a joke or breaking into laughter, and it made me long to hear the sound. I wanted to be the one to make him chuckle, to hear the melodic laughter that would spill from his full lips. But something about him made me uneasy. It caused my body to tense and my thoughts to sharpen. I needed to be careful around him. It would be my pleasure, I said, being cautious not to let my emotions show on my face as I took his hand. His smile widened as I stood, offering me his elbow. I hesitated for just a moment before accepting, my heart thudding as we walked towards the dance floor, where the orchestra was playing. Every eye in the room seemed to turn to us as we moved. People stepped out of the way for us automatically, averting their eyes whilst still watching us closely, and I was ashamed to realise I was enjoying it. Although I did not trust the man, the attention and respect I received from being on his arm made me feel powerful. I lifted my chin a little higher, my spine straightening as I allowed myself to stand tall. But that confidence didnt last long. Within seconds, a wave of panic slammed into me. We were almost at the dance floor, and for some reason, it had only just hit me that I would be expected to dance. I was about to waltz with the man in front of everyone, and I didnt know how to do it. I had no clue what I was doing, and the people already swirling before us seemed so rehearsed. Their movements were so elaborate, and I watched as their skirts and tailcoats swished, my breathing speeding up once more. I couldnt do it. A strange almost numb fog settled over me. Actually, I realised, I could. Part of me, the part that lived in that world, was ready for that moment. I had been preparing for weeks, months, actually. It had started pretty much the moment the last season had ended, and Id barely had a break from the constant lessons in what was once the imposing ballroom of my familys estate, but it was little more than a dusty abandoned room. I wasnt sure anyone had entered it since my brother had died, throwing my family into chaos. The man turned towards me, placing one hand on my waist and holding the other out for me. I hesitated for just a moment, trying to steady myself, before letting my hand settle on his shoulder and slipping my hand into his. The touch sent electricity through me, and I forced my expression to remain neutral as I held his gaze. There was a slight pause before we began to dance. My first few steps were wooden and tense, but I quickly felt myself begin to relax into it, allowing my body to move as I had been taught. It was easy, and I found myself actually starting to enjoy it as my anxiety ebbed. How are you enjoying the ball? my partner asked, seeming to notice my change in focus. The question took me by surprise. For some reason, I hadnt been expecting him to make small talk, but I swallowed, stretching my lips into a smile as I looked up at the man. Its very nice, thank you, I replied. Are you enjoying the event? I am now. Blood rushed into my face, and I had to look away. I was unable to hold his gaze for any longer, and I was painfully aware of how many people were watching us. They may have noticed the colour in my cheeks, wondering what had been said to cause such a reaction. You flatter me, I muttered as we continued to turn. And you delight me. His tone sent a shiver down my spine, and I wasnt sure if it was caused by fear or excitement. The hidden promises in his voice were so evident, so pronounced, but I wasnt sure what they were. What was it that the man had offered me? I looked back at him, the movement lifting my chin slightly. The deep green of his eyes was so inviting. It drew me in, pulling me closer and closer until awareness suddenly slammed into me. He was leaning down. Our faces were but a short distance apart, and I had to pull back, scanning the crowd out of the corner of my eye. That type of behaviour, the way we were acting, wasnt proper. It was inappropriate and immodest, and that was wrong. I needed to do better. I had to remember everything my etiquette tutor had tried to instil in me before it was too late. But he had yet to move. His lips were still so close to mine. We must be careful, I said, my voice barely above a breath. People will talk. Especially because I trialled off, my eyes dipping lower to focus on his waistcoat. I must have noticed it earlier in the night, but the colour was too deliberate. It was a near-perfect match of the flowers on my dress, but it was nothing more than a coincidence. The dress had been made by a tailor back home. Id kept it locked away in my room since Id arrived, and there was no chance he could have seen it, but people would still talk. They would assume it was intentional. That wasnt necessarily a bad thing. Should things go well, it would be very good, in fact. But, if things went badly, it would not be good. However, I would have bigger things to worry about than simply being linked to the man in front of me. Let them, he said, lifting a shoulder in a carefree shrug. Well give them something better to talk about soon enough. My heart began to sink into my stomach, the sensation making me nauseous. Oh, will we? I asked, trying to hide the fear that took flight in my heart and flapped frantically against my rib cage. It was too soon. I knew it was coming, but it had happened too suddenly, and I needed more time. I wasnt ready to do what I had to do, and I could barely keep from turning and fleeing the room as one of the mans eyebrows slowly rose. Do you need to use the bathroom, Grace? I heard my mother ask, her voice slicing through to me. No, thank you, I said distantly, my eyes still fixed on the man in front of me. We will, he said, his tone firm as the song drew to a close and we stopped dancing. Would you care for a walk around the gardens? I longed to refuse, to tell him that I was fine, but I knew he wouldnt accept it. Still, the words rose within me, breaking free before I could hold them back. Actually, Id rather not. This dress isnt particularly well suited to the chill. It was a lie. If anything, the dress was a little too well suited to the cold. The many layers meant I was on the verge of overheating at any given moment, and the thought of a cool breeze filled me with yearning. But I didnt want to be alone with him. The warmth drained from his eyes so quickly that it left me breathless. His lips stretched into a smile, bearing his teeth at me, but it was terrifyingly emotionless. Well, he said, turning away from the dance floor and taking my arm. Should the temperature become unbearable, I shall lend you my coat. 4.23 If only he wasn鈥檛 blackmailing me, he would have made a perfect husband. I forced a smile onto my face as my eyes darted around the room, searching for an escape. I needed an excuse or something to help me get out of going for a walk in the gardens with the charming yet terrifying man who was still holding my arm. His grip was firm, insistent, and I knew he wouldnt back down easily, not without good reason. But I had nothing. I couldnt think of a single thing that would allow me to stay away from the man, and it was clear no one was going to intervene. Many people were looking at us, their eyes taking in the mans hand on my elbow, but they couldnt see my panic. All they noticed was that I was about to go for a stroll in the garden with an affluent man who Id danced far too closely with. A sea of jealous faces watched as we began to cross the ballroom towards the doors, all wishing they were in my place, and I felt the same way. I longed to reach out to the nearest sour-faced woman standing to one side and offer for her to take my place instead. I was sure the man on my arm would enjoy their company, and they would delighted. But it would cause a scene. The man would be furious, and that would be dangerous. I needed to be careful, to ensure he thought I had no doubts, and then Id be fine. Id be safe. Your cane, sir, a servant said, rushing forward to greet us just as we reached the doors. Ah, thank you, the man responded warmly, taking it from him. William. That was his name. I was pretty sure of it, anyway. He smiled at me and gestured towards the door, silently ordering me to go first. I hesitated for just a moment before ducking through, keeping my gaze low as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. If I were to kick the cane away, I wondered as I glanced back at him, would he fall? If I waited until we were towards the side of the gardens, it might give me a chance to slip out through the side entrance, and wed be slightly more shielded from view. There was a chance no one would even see us, and I was pretty sure I could make it look like an accident. Then, even if someone saw it happen, they wouldnt realise what was going on. There was no point, I realised as we began to walk towards the path. William barely seemed to be leaning on the cane. Perhaps he was just carrying it as an accessory. It completed his outfit, and the carved golden handle, seemingly perfectly formed to fit his hand, may have been nothing more than an obscene display of wealth. Had he been using it the last time we met? I couldnt recall. The memory held away from me still, and all I could remember was a hazy image. I sat across from him in a quiet corner of a tea house, but he wasnt standing in that memory. We were both seated, just like in every single recollection I could access. If I were to kick it away, he would remain upright. I was pretty certain of that, even if I wasnt sure why. He would simply stare at me, watching my childish attempt to escape him, and then it would ruin everything. Our plan would still go ahead, obviously, but our marriage would be much less cordial. My thoughts stuttered to a halt. Why was I thinking about marrying that man? The thought had come out of nowhere, but there was a certainty to it that told me it must have come from the other me, the one that lived in the world. She knew she would wed him, but I didnt understand. I was scared of him, terrified. Why would I want to marry him? Money. The answer came to the front of my mind immediately. That was the main reason I was doing it. He had more than enough, and money meant security. It meant safety, and as someone who spent the last ten years or so with the constant threat of danger hanging over my head, I needed it. My family had an estate. We were upper class and technically very wealthy, but it was fragile. Too much was tied up in my fathers various businesses; we couldnt actually access it without putting the companies at risk, and it had been that way for as long as I could remember, which meant we often went without. Our estate had become but a shadow of the former splendour. Too many rooms were filled with dust, having fired most of the staff, and they were cluttered with old furniture that had long since been forgotten. Most of it was in dire need of repair or replacement, but we couldnt afford to do that. Father barely worked. He still went in from time to time, but I wasnt sure whether he was of much use to anyone when he did. He used to be, but that all changed when my brother died. It changed him, broke something irreparable within him. Instead, he spent his days in the garden, painting until he lost interest and then staring into the sky until I brought him back inside, and Mother She was different too, but at least she left the house. Most days, she lunched with other women who were slightly less well off than we were, looking down her nose at them in a pathetic attempt to make herself feel better about our situation. Thats why I did what I did. I thought I was making a good decision, that I was being smart and had chosen well, when I struck up a conversation with the extremely wealthy and mysterious man beside me, but it was a mistake. I didnt realise how dangerous a web I was walking into until it was too late. But, in a way, it was a good decision. William would be able to provide for me and my family. He would ensure we were taken care of and had everything we needed. And, he was sometimes kind. In fact, most of the time, he was. He could make a fine husband. He knew my reasoning, though. It was a surprise to realise that, but he was fully aware of why Id approached him in the first place, why I decided to set my sights on him. William was fully aware of why I agreed to marry him, and the arrangement was not one-sided. He was getting something he wanted from the deal. But what? The question seemed to bounce around my mind, but I had no answer. That information was locked away from me, impossible to access, but I was certain of it. He needed something from me, just like I needed something from him. A gentle breeze brushed the hair back from my face as we moved towards the stone stairs leading to the gardens, and I allowed myself one brief moment of peace. I surveyed the greenery around me, barely illuminated by the moonlight, and felt a pang of longing in my heart. Despite most of the grounds being consumed by shadows, I could tell they were grand. The gardens had everything I wanted, and I took a deep breath, inhaling through my nose before letting out a sigh. The rich, earthy scent of the nearby herb garden mixed with the sharp yet comforting perfume drifting away from the apothecary plots that were hidden somewhere in the darkness. Still, my eyes tried to seek them out. I yearned to walk through them. It had been so long since Id had that opportunity, and the apothecary garden used to be one of my favourite places in our estate, second only to the lavender fields. I inhaled again, letting my eyes flutter shut for a moment as I tried to work out whether I could smell lavender. It was such a gentle scent, so easily overpowered by others, but I thought I could. There was a soft floral undercurrent that soothed my heart, but that comfort didnt last long. My body tensed as my eyes opened again, acutely aware that I was being watched. My heart raced in my throat as I hesitated before looking at William, worried about what Id see. His gaze was fixed on my face, and a small but genuine smile played on his lips. Embarrassment burned within me, bringing colour to my cheeks, and I had to look away. I was silent, waiting for the man to say something disparaging or demand to know what I was doing, but he simply offered his arm to me once more. I paused, looking at him uncertainly, before taking it. As we began to walk along the trail leading through the centre of the gardens, my mind raced. My eyes darted back and forth, taking in the carefully manicured hedges that lined the path, interspaced with oil lamps and lush trees that were perfectly still. Even the soft breeze didnt move them. The night air was quiet as we continued deeper into the garden. The silence was punctuated only by the sharp tapping of Williams cane on the stone and the song of a solitary bird, which seemed far away. Usually, I liked the quietness. It was difficult to find at home with my dads constant stream of semi-nonsensical chatter and my mothers bitter jabs, but when I was able to hide myself away, it was tranquil. I enjoyed it, but I didnt find being with William peaceful or enjoyable. I was too on edge.If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. It had dragged on for too long, and it was beginning to make my skin crawl as anxiety filled me. I could feel my mind spinning as I tried to think of something to say to break the silence, but nothing came to mind. Im excited for you to see my estate, William said softly, but his voice still made me jump. I think youll like the gardens. I had no clue how to respond to that. It seemed like I was suddenly unable to talk to the man, and that was ridiculous. Wed been meeting for weeks. Id had countless conversations with him, and I knew I could do it. Oh? That was barely a response, but it was better than nothing. William glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, the movement hesitating and fleeting, before he continued speaking. Yes. The orangery is particularly lovely. Especially in the winter, he added, a wistful tone entering his voice. I plan on having a small library brought out there. Any book you want. My eyes flicked towards him in shock, but I fought to keep it from my face. It was difficult because what hed said sounded so lovely. The thought of sitting in a comfortable armchair in the warm glass building and watching the snow fall outside the windows as I read filled me with such longing that it was difficult not to turn and beg for him to whisk me away immediately. It wasnt winter yet, but Id be happy to wait. That was the issue with William, I recalled. He was disarmingly thoughtful and kind. He seemed to genuinely care about me at times and actually saw me. It was strange. I wasnt used to it, but he saw through the mask I forced myself to wear in front of others, and he didnt hate me for it. In fact, he seemed to enjoy that side of me just as much as the more charming one that was better suited to formal events. But that was the problem. His money wasnt the only thing that drew me in. It was his kindness. It made me start to fall for him, hiding the danger that lurked in his heart until it was too late for me to back away. I would like that a lot, I replied carefully, causing Williams smile to grow. It was small and appeared almost shy. The mere sight made me feel unsteady. My heart seemed to pound in an uneven rhythm, and I had to remind myself to breathe. He was dangerous. I shouldnt let myself fall under his spell again, I tried to convince myself, but it felt almost impossible not to immediately dismiss the words. He was too sweet. Somehow, even after everything Id learnt about him, after everything that happened over the past few weeks, I still found him sweet. If only he wasnt blackmailing me, he would have made a perfect husband. Your father will enjoy it too, William continued, his tone becoming slightly more animated. When he comes to stay, that is. He can set up his easel in there if he brings it. Or hes welcome to use my mothers. Ive kept it in storage just in case... She used to love painting in there. Apparently, the lighting is perfect to paint by. The wistful expression on his face hurt my heart. I felt it clench tightly, and I had to swallow down the lump of emotion that lodged itself in my heart, fighting the urge to slip closer to him. He didnt mention his mother often. In fact, that was only the second or third time hed spoken about her, and it was clear how much he still loved her. Im sure hell love that, I whispered, my voice uneven. William smiled down at me, pausing for a moment before lifting his hand and holding his cane carefully so he could lay his hand on top of mine. A tight exhale escaped my lips, and my grip on his arm tightened briefly. The touch was innocent. He was simply holding my fingers on his arm; it wasnt anything more than that, but it felt strangely intimate. I didnt know how to feel. The life William had described, of spending my winters curled up with a book or watching my father paint without any anxiety or worry, seemed so foreign to me, but I wanted it. The thought of not rationing firewood and praying that we had enough to withstand the cold because we couldnt afford to buy any more was so alluring. I longed to have a life where I didnt need to spend my days in the greenhouse, trying desperately to grow something that could survive the bitter chill that found its way in through the broken windows that were too high for me to cover. It never worked. No matter what I did, the plants always died before the winter ended, and we had to spend the last month living off of dried meat and stale crackers, no matter how hard I tried to prepare. But that could all be over. If I married William, when I married him, I would never need to struggle again. I could ship endless hampers of food to my parents or invite them to our estate, sending a carriage to collect them, should they need it. William sent me another smile, that one slightly wider and more confident than the last. He seemed proud of himself for making me happy, as if that truly mattered to him, and that confused me. It was concerning. For some reason, he seemed to want to marry me, but it didnt make sense to me. I couldnt understand why. We had an agreement. I knew that, but my memories still refused to reveal themselves to me, meaning I had no idea of the details, and that worried me. But was that the only reason he was being so sweet to me? Was he simply trying to ensure I lived up to my end of the bargain or was something else motivating him? He seemed to enjoy spending time with me. Whenever wed spoken during balls and parties during the season, he appeared to enjoy it, and he invited me on walks and to afternoon tea many times. More times than necessary. And his guard was starting to drop. Like me, he wore a mask, hid himself away from the world, but he was starting to let me in, revealing more and more of himself to me. He didnt put on as much of a facade or pretend to be much more confident than he truly was, and I liked it. It made me like him more, but there was still something that pulled at my mind, reminding me to be cautious. Cautious of what? I had no answer to that question. Whenever I tried to figure it out, my thoughts turned black, as if my mind were actively shielding the truth from me. It was frustrating, infuriating, and I needed to know why I was so scared of the man. Wed fallen silent again, I realised. Somehow, wed almost made it to the far end of the vast gardens. The grand mansion was little more than a collection of glowing lights in the distance, and the awareness of how far we were from anyone else caused my blood to turn to ice. If I were to scream for help, would anyone hear me? The question flitted into my mind before leaving again, just as quickly. I couldnt help but glance back at the house, trying to figure it out. I wasnt sure, though. My eyes scanned the space between us, searching for signs of another couple. That would make me feel better, I told myself. If I knew there was someone else out there, another witness, should anything happen, Id feel slightly less afraid, but I was lying to myself. I realised that the moment my eyes found a shape hiding in the shadows. My breath caught in my throat, and I glanced at William before squinting into the darkness again. The shape, whatever it was, didnt move, and I couldnt figure out whether it was a person or simply my eyes playing tricks on me. It did seem to be following us, though. It could have easily been either, but I looked up at William again. He seemed utterly unbothered by the shadows, but perhaps that was merely an act. Maybe he knew they were there. They could have been his people, servants or someone else he was paying. If they were in on the plan, and hed told them I was considering backing out A chill slipped down my spine, and I had to force myself to take a deep breath to steady myself as I peered over my shoulder again. The urge to run seemed to pound in my chest, fighting to gain my attention. William was looking at me again, I realised. His expression was quizzical, bordering on concerned, and I felt my heart speed up. The estate looks beautiful in the dark, I said quickly, hoping that excused my behaviour. His eyebrows pulled together, and confusion danced across his face as he looked back in the direction of the estate. An unexpected chuckle slipped from his lips. Yes, he said, sounding bemused. I guess it does. Relief slipped over me, and I glanced back, searching for movement on the path and finding nothing. My eyes found Williams again, and the urge to speak rose within me. How are you finding your time in the city this year? I asked, the question sounding overly formal. Williams lips twitched, but he paused before answering, taking time to consider his answer. Its been more enjoyable than I expected, he said before smiling down at me. Thanks to you. The compliment caused another blush to spread across my cheeks, and I had to look away to hide the confusing happiness his words had caused me. Im sure you would have had a good time regardless of whether I was here, I said, still unable to meet his gaze. I could feel his eyes burning into my face, but I didnt want to look up. It was too difficult. He filled me with too many conflicting emotions, and I wasnt sure how to handle them. William refused to look away, though. After a couple of seconds, he came to a stop. My hand was still tucked into the crook of his elbow, meaning that I had no choice but to stop as well. Grace he muttered as he turned towards me. My heart thumped as I stared up at him with wide eyes, painfully aware of how closely we were standing. It was too close, and we were tucked behind a tree. No one would be able to see us from the house, should they peer out, and I couldnt work out if that was intentional, but I scanned my surroundings out of the corner of my eyes, trying to watch for people trying to approach whilst I was distracted. Williams head drew slightly closer, and I felt myself suck in a breath, unable to pull away. Was he about to kiss me? My eyes darted to his lips, lingering on them for a moment before pulling away. It was wrong. It felt wrong. He was only a couple of years older than me, but that felt significant. I was too young. But, should the plan work, wed be married soon. My brain screamed at me to step away from the man, and tears burned behind my eyes, but I couldnt move. All I could do was stare as his face dipped lower, stopping just inches from my lips. Are you ready? he asked, his voice barely above a breath. 4.24 Why are you doing this? Confusion slammed into me as I stared up at William, unsure how to respond. Was he asking if I was ready for us to kiss? I wasnt. Wed never done that before, and the thought of actually kissing him was terrifying to me, even though part of me was tempted. It felt like he was asking something more, though. The question was too loaded, the silence too tense, and that scared me. Desperately, I tried to search through my memories, wanting to know what he was talking about before I answered him in case I said the wrong thing, but they were still locked away from me. My memories stayed stubbornly out of reach, and frustration sparked within me. It was impossible to work out what he could be asking me, and that meant I had to be vague in my response, I realised. I had to say something that concealed the fact that I didnt know anything whilst also prompting him to explain. Maybe? I said. Id hoped it would come out flirty and coy, but I just sounded uncertain, and it was clear William had noticed too. He pulled back ever so slightly, his eyebrows furrowing. Maybe? he repeated. Did you bring the powder? Please tell me you didnt forget it, Grace. You might not get another chance to get close to the duke! The desperation in his voice scared me. I didnt expect it, and immediately, I felt the need to say something reassuring. Desperation was dangerous. It made people do reckless things, and I couldnt let that happen. If William became reckless, it could ruin everything. I opened my mouth, intending to tell him I had to powder or say something else to make him feel better, but the words died in my throat as the barrier keeping my memories away from me finally swung open. My hand twitched, moving towards my pocket before I could stop it. It was there. The compact William had given me weeks ago was in there. I could feel it through my clothes. It felt bulky and obvious, as if everyone would be able to tell what I was carrying the moment they looked at me. But I was just being paranoid. I knew that. Lots of people carried compact mirrors, and there was nothing particularly unusual about mine. It was simple a gift from a suitor. That was all most people would see. Theyd never noticed the hidden compartment behind the mirror containing the small envelope of white powder, ready to be dropped into the dukes wine. It was designed to dissolve immediately. The paper package would leave no trace, and the powder was flavourless. The duke would not realise what he was drinking, and by the end of the evening, hed be dead. His body would be cold and lifeless. The company that Williams father owned was poised and ready to step in, when the time was right. Theyd fill the void his death would leave, knowing the dukes company would flounder without him. He had no heir. There was no one to run it in his absence. It would be chaos. Williams family would be rewarded handsomely, ensuring their continued wealth and success for generations to come, and I would be included in that. That was part of our agreement, I realised. It was the reason I was doing it, the only reason I agreed to his proposal. Once the duke was dead, after people had finished mourning, we would marry. William and his family agreed to ensure my family would be looked after and provided for, meaning that my father would never need to return to work. Not that he could. He could scarcely hold a conversation anymore without trailing off, distracted by an errant thought or an imagined sighting of my long-dead brother. Id gotten used to the frequent and unconnected shifts in conversation topics and the way he called out for my brother, but others hadnt. They hurried away from him whenever they saw him coming, and if he had to go back to work, it would just get worse. But the duke was a good man. That was something Id learn during the season, after I agreed to Williams suggestion. If Id realised it before, I wasnt sure whether I would have been able to do it. He was a good man and a good father. He doted on his daughter and celebrated her. It was clear just how much he loved her, and whenever I saw them together, my mind became filled with doubt and unease. I would be taking away someones father. The thought caused hatred and guilt to curdle in my stomach, and I wasnt sure whether Id be able to live with myself if I did that. It was cruel. Evil. And he reminded me of my dad. The way he treated his daughter, the way he spoke to her it was almost identical to how my father used to speak to me before everything changed, and that realisation broke something deep within me. I would have given anything to have him back. Even if it were just for a moment, I would still do it. I knew how much it hurt to lose a father. It was awful, and the pain never really went away, yet I was planning to inflict that on someone else. It would be worse for her, too. My father was still technically there. He was still physically present, but the duke would not be. Hed be dead, buried, and his daughter wouldnt be able to cling to the hope that, one morning, hed wake up and somehow be himself again. William was looking at me expectantly, I realised. Impatience grew on his face, and he was mere moments from saying something more. I have it, I snapped, my voice harsher than I expected. The girl would be fine, I tried to reassure myself. Her mother was dead; she died recently, but she had her aunt. Id seen them interacting at luncheons. They seemed to get on well, and I was certain her aunt would be happy to take care of her. Either shed move into the mansion or the girl would move into her estate in the countryside. She would ensure the girl had everything she needed. Shed just be missing a father. And a mother. Williams gaze flicked back and forth between my eyes, and I could tell he was trying to figure out what I was thinking. He wouldnt be able to, though. He didnt understand, and he never would. Are you having second thoughts? he asked, his voice low and dripping with danger. There was only one answer I could give him. Anything else would lead to my death, and I knew that. He cared for me. I could tell he did, but he would still kill me if he had to. No. It was a lie, but I couldnt tell him the truth. I didnt want to be a murderer. I didnt want to be the reason someone grew up without a father who was present and loved her. I knew what that was like. The loneliness and isolation was a constant battle. It stayed with me at all times, and I was haunted, terrorised, by the life I once had. She would be too. I wish I didnt have to do it, that there was another way for me to ensure my family would be safe, but there wasnt. There was no other way, and I was already in too deep to back out. It was too late. All I could do was move forward and trade one familys future for my own. I was tearing one family apart so mine would survive, and I hated it. I hated that it was a decision I had made, but it was the only way. Are you sure? he questioned, bringing his face closer to mine as he peered into my eyes. Because I need to know youre going to do what we discussed, Grace. I will. He hesitated, continuing to examine me closely, and a flash of anger came over me. I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from snapping and telling him to move away. It would be dangerous, though. I needed him to view me as submissive and weak. It was the safest thing for me. As long as he underestimated me and what I was capable of, Id be safer. Okay, he said finally before taking a small step back. It wasnt far enough, but the distance made me feel slightly better. I sucked in a breath, unaware that I had been holding it until then. My body longed to move away from him, to take a step back just as he had done, but stubbornness overpowered my mind, forcing me to stand my ground. I was glad hed forced me to go for a walk around the gardens with him. It was a good thing. If he hadnt, I might not have realised what was happening. The powder would have been forgotten in my pocket, and I may have slipped even further. It was too easy; that was the problem. It was far too easy to forget who he truly was and what he was capable of. My guard had started to come down, and I was actually falling for him, but I couldnt let that happen, no matter how difficult it was to resist. He could be so sweet. He treated me so well, and he was a perfect gentleman. Wed gone for walks together, for afternoon tea and lunches. It had been lovely, and Id actually enjoyed my time with him. I really liked him, but that made it so much harder because I was certain that side of him was real. He was kind and thoughtful, and if wed met under different circumstances, I would have happily married him. I probably would have gone my whole life without ever seeing the other side of him, the one that terrified me, and I would have been happier. I doubt I would have ever suspected just how ruthless he could be because there was never a hint of it before. It was so at odds with how he acted most of the time. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. It felt forced, I realised. That was part of the reason I felt so conflicted. His behaviour when hed spoken of killing the duke and what we would have to do seemed so unnatural. It wasnt truly him. Why are you doing this? The question tumbled from my lips before I could stop it, and my body tensed. I did want to know the answer, obviously. It had been bothering me for weeks, and Id spent so many nights lying awake and trying to figure it out, but I hadnt thought of anything that made sense. If everything went to plan, his family would become wealthy beyond their wildest dreams, but that didnt feel like a good enough reason. They had a comfortable amount of money already. They werent struggling like my family, and all of their businesses seemed to be doing well. There was an announcement in the paper just the other day about one of their recent deals. It had been even more successful than they originally suspected it would be. But if they werent forcing him to do it for money, then why were they? What else did they stand to gain from the dukes death? Williams throat bobbed as his swallowed. He seemed to be fighting to come up with an answer. I could see the war waging in his eyes, and I couldnt work out if he wanted to tell me the truth or whether he was just trying to come up with a convincing lie, but after a few seconds, he lifted a shoulder in a somewhat carefree shrug. I guess were both just doing what we must to protect our family, he said in a tone that was too light. It felt forced. And Ill do whatever it takes. He glanced down, and my gaze followed the movement instinctively. At first, it seemed as though he was just looking at the ground, but then his eyes flicked up, checking to make sure I was watching him. His hands moved, twisting the handle of the cane away from the shaft. Oh, I gasped, staring at the gun hed revealed. It was small but perfectly concealed within his cane. I hadnt even suspected it was there before Id seen it, but it suddenly made sense. He rarely seemed to use the cane, but he carried one at all times, leaning on it lightly. Did all of them, every one Id seen him carry, contain a gun? Or had he selected that one specifically for the ball, knowing he may need it to intimidate me. I really dont want to hurt you, Grace, he muttered, his voice low and grave. In time, I truly think I could come to love you, but the plan must go ahead. You must do as we discussed, and it has to happen tonight. Do you understand? Threat. That was a threat, I realised slowly. He was warning me that if I didnt kill the duke, he would kill me, and then my parents would have nothing. I was their last surviving offspring. There would be no more, and no one would ensure they were provided for and able to keep the house that had been in our family for generations. Theyd starve. They would either starve or freeze to death before too long, and I refused to let that happen. Yes, I managed to say. William continued to stare at me for a moment, his gaze beseeching, before it cleared. His expression changed so suddenly; all trace of his serious demeanour disappeared so quickly that I found myself doubting whether it had even been there in the first place or whether Id imagined it. Fantastic, he said brightly, twisting his cane back together. Well then, my dear. Are you ready to return to the ballroom? I hesitated, still reeling from the change, but I forced myself to smile as I ignored my racing mind. It begged me to turn and run into the maze at the base of the garden. I longed to disappear amongst the hedges and never look back, but I couldnt. Of course, I heard myself say, but the words were distant and muffled to my ears. William appeared to hear them perfectly, though. He smiled dazzlingly, the expression transforming him into someone disarmingly handsome, before offering his elbow to me. I didnt want to touch him, didnt want to be that close to him, but I knew I had to. Dizziness started to lap at my mind, making me feel disconnected from the world, but I didnt allow myself to be swallowed by it. Part of me wanted to leave the world where my familys future, their survival, rested on my shoulders, but I didnt feel ready to. It felt like I had to stay. I was too invested, and I wanted to know what I was going to do. I had to kill the duke, didnt I? Was I even capable of doing that? Could I just stand there and watch as his face slowly grew more pale and the life drained out of him? I honestly wasnt sure. What if I told him the truth? The question pulled at me, trying to tempt me. I could do it. If I waited until we were dancing, until William was too far away to hear what I was saying, I could tell him about the scheme. Would that work? Would he believe me? Good evening, a man said, inclining his head at William and me. Good evening, I muttered in response. Evening, Harry. Are you coming inside? William asked. The man pulled the cigar from his lips and examined it thoughtfully for a moment. Not just yet, I dont think, he said. Shouldnt be too much longer, though. Great, Ill see you in there, William replied. My eyes darted between them as we moved towards the doors. What was Harry doing outside? Was he simply smoking a cigar, or did he have another reason for being there? William seemed to know him, and that seemed suspicious to me. Of course, he knew most of the people at the ball, but they seemed closer than Id expected. Was it intentional? Has Harry seen William and I go out into the gardens and followed us out to keep an eye on us? On me? Perhaps William had asked him to, knowing he was going to talk to me about the plan and not knowing how Id react. Harry may have been there just in case it went badly and I tried to make a dash for the ballroom. William was wealthy. He was well-liked and charismatic. He was too smart to not have someone there to back him up, and I had no doubt he would have been able to convince people to side with him in the plot against the duke; hed managed it with me, after all. My eyes darted around the crowd of people spilling out of the ballroom doors. How many were aware of what was about to happen? How many knew what I carried in my compact and were prepared to watch the duke die? Maybe there was no one else, but I couldnt do it. I couldnt risk what might happen if I were to tell the duke the truth. William would be apprehended immediately. Hed be arrested and taken away, but I doubted Harry would be. If there was anyone else, they would remain undetected, simply waiting until the perfect moment to strike. They might get to my parents before me. The duke wouldnt let me leave immediately. The police would want to question me, and even if they sent a squad out to protect them, it would be too late. My parents would most likely already be dead by that time. They couldnt fight off an attacker. Not anymore. They were too old, too frail, and My thoughts ground to a halt as we entered the ballroom. If it werent for Williams firm grip on my hand propelling me forward, I would have come to a stop and been unable to move. Instead, I just allowed myself to be dragged further into the room. My eyes stayed on the dance floor, though. I was transfixed and unable to look away. I wanted to, but my body refused to listen to me. Its such a shame Louisa died before giving the duke a son, I heard someone mutter loudly as we passed, their eyes also fixed on the pair dancing before us. Hopefully, his next wife will have more luck. A sigh came from the person they were speaking to. If only I werent already married, they replied, bitter disappointment twisting their words. Ive given Ernest four boys, and what are they going to inherit? The newspaper? She scoffed, but I ignored her, keeping my gaze on the duke as he twirled his daughter on the dance floor. Her giggles reached through the crowd towards me, causing my panic to grow and my grip to tighten on Williams arm. The girl wasnt meant to be there. I didnt know she would be. She didnt usually attend the balls. She was too young still and wouldnt be looking for a husband for another few years at least. But she was there. She was right there, dancing with her father. She looked so happy. They both did, and the sight caused tears to burn behind my eyes as my breathing grew more rapid. She had to leave. I needed the girl to go before I slipped poison into her fathers drink, but I couldnt think of a single reason to make her leave. If I asked her to go or for someone to take her away, it would be too obvious. They would immediately suspect me when the duke died, and I wouldnt be able to talk my way out of it. There would be nothing I could do, and I would likely be executed on suspicion of murder. They wouldnt know it was me otherwise. The powder would make it seem as though the duke had a heart attack. It would be seen as unfortunately, but they were common at his age. No one would look into his death any deeper, and wed be able to get away with it, but if I said something, if I tried to stop the girl from watching her father die, everything would come crashing down on top of me. Maybe I could wait, I thought desperately. If I waited a few more hours, until it was even later in the evening, the girl might grow bored and leave. She might be too tired to stay until the ball came to a close. That could work, but it was risky. The duke may leave before then too. He might have business he needed to attend to or perhaps he would just get tired, and then there would be nothing I could do. I had to seize the first opportunity I found. The duke caught my eye, and his smile widened. Genuine happiness seemed to glow on his face, and I swallowed, forcing myself to return the smile even as my heart pounded. I had to leave, I realised as dizziness swarmed towards me. I couldnt stay in that world and watch the duke die whilst his daughter watched on. The sound of her cries, of her voice begging someone to help him, would be burned into my brain forever, and I would never forget it. Muffled words came from beside me, and I glanced up at Williams face, but I had no idea what he said. My mind refused to recognise the sounds, refused to tell me what he said. It was just a jumble, but the way he was looking at me made me think he expected an answer. He wanted me to say something to him, and I couldnt. He wasnt the only one looking at me, though. There were other people dotted around the room watching me. Their eyes burned into me, and some looked strangely familiar. I knew them, but I couldnt figure out where wed met before. Had they been there for the whole season? I didnt have an answer to that question, but it didnt matter. My vision started to fade as the dizziness consumed me, dragging me away from the world where I felt so terrified and powerless. I blinked, staring around the darkness, but I couldnt see anything. Somehow, I knew where I was, though. It was the strange intersection between worlds that Id visited before. A shaky breath escaped my lips, the noise echoing around the vast emptiness. My heart was still pounding, my mind still wracked with fear and guilt, but it was receding as I floated there, feeling the other worlds call out to me. I wasnt sure which one to slip into, though. Part of me longed to go back home, to return to my reality and just be content with being in the car with my mom, but I knew I couldnt do that. It wasnt enough for me. Not anymore. I knew there were other worlds out there, other places that were so much more enchanting and thrilling than my real life. They were so different, and that was impossible to resist. How could I allow myself to be bored and restless when there were other worlds to explore? 4.25 We were still friends A new world surged towards me, brushing against my mind and sending an electric jolt through me. I longed to give in to it and allow the world to pull me under, but something forced me to push it away. Reluctance thrummed within me as I did, and I paused, looking around the empty expanse I was floating in. I wasnt sure what to do. Obviously, I wanted to fall into a new world and become someone new, but I couldnt quite let it happen. Anxiety and fear pulled at me, making it impossible, and I hesitated before reaching out towards reality. Perhaps that was the problem, I realised. It had been a while since Id been there, and I had to check to make sure nothing had happened without me noticing. Mom could be furious, ranting angrily, and I may not have reacted at all, which would have been awful. It would just make everything worse, and I knew that. The space began to fade around me, and I felt my body start to melt away for a moment before becoming more solid. Dizziness tugged at me as I slowly became aware of the seat beneath me. I blinked, looking around at my surroundings before letting my head fall back against the headrest. Relief washed over me, but it was short-lived. A fear crept into my mind, causing goosebumps to slowly spread along my arms. Was I actually home? The question had come out of nowhere, but it was impossible to dismiss. It felt like I was back in my reality. That was where Id been trying to go, but it just seemed a little off. Id had that worry before, though. It had felt wrong in the past, but Id been mistaken. I was pretty sure I had, anyway. My eyes flicked towards my mom, taking her in. Was there anything about her appearance that seemed different, I asked myself, trying to figure it out. That would prove whether I was in the right place, but I wasnt sure. She looked the same as she always did, but there could have been a slight difference, a minuscule change, that I hadnt noticed. Perhaps her hair was half a shade light? And had her nose always had that slight bump halfway along it? Maybe there was a version of her in another world whod broken it before. It could have happened during her childhood? What? my mom snapped, noticing my gaze. Nothing, I replied quickly before feeling the need to add something else as she continued to watch me suspiciously. I just thought I saw a fly or something. Might have just been some dust, though. Moms head whipped around, and she swiped at the air, trying to catch the non-existent fly. I looked from side to side, keeping my expression as innocent as possible as I pretended to also search for it. After a few seconds, her hand returned to the steering wheel, and she shot me a suspicious glance out of the corner of her eye. She didnt speak, though. I was grateful. I didnt want to hear any accusations or pointed comments. The silence was much nicer. It was easier to handle, even though it made my mind almost immediately begin searching for something else to focus on. I hesitated as a familiar dizziness approached, the sensation tentative, as if it was unsure whether Id accept it. I wasnt sure, either. I felt conflicted. Part of me wanted to push it far away and refuse to return, but the other part was stronger. I allowed myself to be drawn in, pulled into the world, and I waited as it appeared around me. People were moving. I could hear them talking, but their voices didnt quite reach me. They were warbled and too soft. It was impossible to make out any words, but I waited, knowing it was only a matter of time until they became clear. I was distracted and barely able to focus, anyway. Information was beginning to flow into my mind, bringing me up to date on everything that had happened since Id visited the Academy last. Somehow, it was simultaneously a lot and not that much. All Id been doing was going to class, but there had been so many. My eyes widened as the things Id learnt appeared in my memories, startled by the sheer quantity of knowledge that Id accumulated. It was jarring, and my brain felt full, unable to absorb anything else, but still, it refused to stop. I was enjoying it, though. The lessons. They were fun and surprisingly interesting. The first aid classes and survival were some of my favourites, I realised, the fact taking me by surprise. It wasnt that I didnt think I would enjoy them; they were just so intense. They made me think about things differently. The tutor had been very clear that not only was it possible that wed break bones, dislocate joints and have to deal with significant levels of blood loss, but it was actually quite likely. Most people experienced them. Or most field operatives did, anyway. But even if I never actually had to put that information to use in that world, it still felt useful to me. I think thats part of why I was enjoying the classes so much. It was interesting to learn more about the human body, and it seemed like everything I was being taught was the same as in reality. That was good. If I ever got hurt or saw someone else get injured, I might be able to help them, and that thought made me smile. Not that I wanted it to happen, obviously. I just liked the idea of being helpful. Within moments, the smile slipped from my lips. Despite my enjoyment of the classes, something was tainting my happiness. The deep sense of loneliness persisted, informing me that I was still alone in the Academy without any of my friends or the rest of the cohort. They were still in the induction wing, and I missed them so much, but there was something else, another emotion, that had begun to overshadow it. Anxiety. It had only been a few days, a week at most, but what if theyd become closer without me there? What if Katie, Abbie, Scott and Seth realised my presence wasnt actually needed? That it didnt add anything to the group. Even just thinking that was crushing, but it could happen, I realised. It would have been so easy for them to realise that they didnt actually like me. They seemed to when I was in the induction wing with them, but it could have just been a proximity thing. We were locked in there together. Katie and Abbie were my roommates, and we had no real choice. We have to become friends, really. What else were we meant to do? It could be different when they got out of the wing. Would they still want to live with me? Or would they immediately ask to be moved to a different dorm, somewhere far away from me? Perhaps whenever we passed in the corridor or had a class together, theyd ignore me and look the other way, refusing to ever talk to me again. That wouldnt happen. I hadnt done anything to them, and I knew that, but it felt so possible. I was spiralling. There was a vague awareness in the back of my mind, but that didnt help. I was falling deeper and deeper into my panic, and I couldnt claw my way back out. I tried, but it felt as though I was trying to fight against the tides. They were too powerful, just like my anxiety, and I wasnt strong enough. Id be alone in the Academy again, I realised. Theyd be out of the induction wing. Everyone would get out of there, but Id still be along. No one would want to talk to me. No one would be my friend, and Id be miserable. No. That wouldnt happen, I told myself, the thought surprisingly firm. If it did, if something happened and they realised they didnt like me, Id just never go back. It would be too painful. The world was fun and interesting, but it wouldnt be worth it to me. Not after that. I would turn my back on it and never return, just like Grace? a voice called, causing my head to snap up. What do you think? I stared at the teacher blankly, simultaneously recognising her and having never seen her before in my life. My mind was empty. I had no clue what she was asking me about. Fear roared in my heart as my vision turned black, and I fled far away from the world, returning to the safety of my void. It would be fine, I decided. Id just wait until my friends were out of the induction wing, and then Id go back. After that, if things were different, Id find another world. A place where I was actually wanted and had people who cared about me. Longing filled my heart, but I batted it away, focusing instead on the places before me. I needed another world, somewhere to go until I could return to the Academy, and there were so many options. They seemed to rush towards me, jostling for attention, and I couldnt help but recoil away from them. It felt as though Id had terrible luck with worlds recently. Or maybe it wasnt luck. I wasnt sure, but the last few Id been to had all filled me with such pain or panic that it would have been better for me to stay in reality, if that was even possible. Part of me was terrified that the new world, whichever one I chose, would be the same. I eyed them nervously, trying to figure out which would be best. There was one, though. It seemed to glow with power, even in the darkness of the cavernous space I was in. It drew me closer before I even realised what was happening, and I didnt notice its shadowy fingers wrapping around my ankle until it was too late.The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation. Dizziness ripped through me, and my head slumped back against the headrest as I was dragged downwards. I tried to struggle, tried to fight against it, but the allure was too strong. I needed to know more about the power that hummed through the world and wanted to discover why it felt so different. Taking a deep breath, I let it consume me. There was a brief moment of nothingness. It felt as though I didnt even exist, but then a crushing sensation gripped me. It forced the air out of my lungs as my head spun. My body cried out for more oxygen, my chest burning with need, but I couldnt breathe. I tried to inhale, but nothing happened. My lungs werent listening to me. But I couldnt return to reality either. I tried, but nothing happened. My mind felt too sluggish, my body too heavy to move. Was I about to die? Panic sparked in my heart again, but it was dulled. It didnt seize me as it should have. Instead, it was quickly replaced with a strange emptiness as the dizziness finally drained from me, leaving nothing behind. My pulse thumped in my throat, the beat still a little too fast, and I sucked in a desperate breath before slowly opening my eyes. Immediately, I was blinded. The world was too bright, too dazzling, and I had to lift a hand to block out the sun that seemed to be shining directly into my eyeballs. Was I outside? I wasnt sure. It felt like I was in a bed; I could feel the softness of my mattress beneath me and the duvet tucked around me, but why would it be so bright if I was inside? How was that even possible? Was there a spotlight shining on me? A flare of fear sparked again, but it faded quickly. I was pretty sure that wasnt the case. I hadnt discovered much from my brief view of the world; my eyes had refused to focus on anything, but I doubted there was anything pointing at me. I needed to try again to be sure, though. Suddenly, a siren split the air. The shrill alarm blared loudly, but my panic was removed. I wasnt truly feeling it as I reached out, fumbling as I tried to find one of the stuffed animals that resided in my bed. Id gotten rid of them years ago in my reality. They were childish, and only babies needed toys, according to my mom, but they were still there in the new world Id found myself in. My hand closed around a round-ish shape, and a smile appeared on my lips as I lifted it into the air. I didnt even bother lowering my hands from my eyes to look around before hurling it, but I didnt need to. The satisfying thunk told me the plushy found the alarm clock I kept on my desk at the far end of the room, silencing it. Not that I expected to miss it. I hadnt ever since I moved it over there. Initially, Id hoped that the distance would mean Id get up earlier. I thought Id have to in order to stop it every morning. I wouldnt be able to sleep through it anymore, but I was incorrect. Instead, my aim had just gotten much, much better. I really should get up, though. I knew I had to, but my bed was just so warm. It was so comfortable, and I snuggled in deeper under my duvet, pulling it up to my chin. I never wanted to leave. Maybe Id miss school and just spend the entire day there, wrapped in a cocoon of warmth and happiness. A contented sigh slipped from my lips. As wonderful as that truly sounded, I didnt actually want to do it. Instead, I allowed myself one more moment of comfort before forcing myself to sit up and open my eyes. The brightness was slightly less blinding than it was before, and I blinked, rubbing my eyes before looking around my room. It was more colourful than my room in reality. The shades seemed slightly more vibrant, but the biggest change was the walls. They were yellow. The faint scent of paint remained, informing me that they must have been painted recently, which I vaguely recalled. Normally, I wouldnt have liked the colour, but for some reason, it brought a smile to my lips as I reached for my phone. Scrolling through the many messages and notifications that Id received overnight, I scanned them to check whether I actually had to deal with any of them. It didnt seem like it, though. I could ignore them for now and do something about them later. Or maybe Id just continue to ignore them. That idea also felt very appealing. I didnt know most of the people whod reached out to me, and it wasnt that I didnt care about them. I just had more important things to deal with. Flicking through my apps, I located the one I was searching for and tapped it. A yawn escaped my lips, and I waited until it had stopped before lifting my phone and staring into the camera. The screen remained blank for a few seconds as it struggled to verify my identity, but that wasnt particularly surprising. It always did first thing in the morning. Once Id brushed my hair and my eyes were fully open, it would be faster. It usually was, at least. Reports appeared as the app loaded, and I read through them quickly. There was nothing particularly urgent there, though. A few minor crimes, some car thefts and a couple of murders, but nothing I really needed to worry about. None of them seemed to be the work of any of the villains or monsters wed been monitoring. They seemed far too mundane for that. Unless fifteen year old Hondas were somehow necessary for someones evil plan. I smirked as I threw the duvet back and climbed out of bed. With my phone still clasped in my hand, I raised my arms above my head and stretched, hearing my back crackle satisfyingly. The sensation seemed to fizz within my spine, and I turned slightly, trying to get the spot in my lower back that needed to pop. Yes, I hissed as the noise sounded, immediately making my back feel a little better. It was a sign, I decided as I checked the group chat with the rest of my team. It was going to be a good day, and there would be nothing that needed my attention. It would just be a nice, quiet day. I needed that. We had biology just after lunch, and I really had to attend that class. For some reason, the attacks always seemed to happen on the days when I had a biology lesson. Id already missed eight in the last couple of months since everything started, and that had made me fall so far behind on my work. I needed to catch up. There was a mock exam next week, and I felt woefully unprepared. During the last class Id attended, I hadnt understood a single thing the teacher had said. She was explaining something about cell walls or the structure or something, and it had gone straight over my head. I felt like she was speaking another language, and it was terrible, but I was honestly almost grateful when the alarm sounded. The fight was tough, obviously. The monster was a weird creature wed never encountered before, and I didnt think it was even possible for something to have so many arms, but that thing proved me wrong. We managed to dispatch it without too much difficulty, though. It was hard but definitely manageable. I slipped my phone into my pyjama pocket and started to walk towards my bathroom, my eyes finding the puckered skin of my forearm above the bracelet I hadnt removed in almost six months. The scar was a present from that monster. A reminder of what it could do and that I shouldnt underestimate things in the future. It wasnt my fault, though. Not really. How was I meant to know that overgrown octopus thing had poisonous suckers? That wasnt a thing normally! I was pretty sure of that, at least. It was healing fairly well, though, I told myself as I used the toilet and washed my hands. Id gotten lucky too, and I knew that. The octopus had only grabbed my arm, but Melanie had caught a tentacle to the face. I grimaced at myself in the mirror before picking up my toothbrush and toothpaste. She hadnt returned to school since then. She was completely fine, of course. Our enhanced healing made sure of that. She wasnt in any pain anymore. Physically. Mentally, she was in agony. Thats what shed told us in one of the many texts shed sent yesterday and every day since the attack. Being stuck at home was boring, and she wanted to fly to the moon, just for something to do. We were torn on whether that was a good idea, though. Issy had refused to vote, meaning both sides were equally weighed, and Mellie decided to wait. Shed give it a go some other time and stick to consuming far too much terrible reality television for the next few days. Shed be back in school then. The swelling and marks were almost gone, and then shed return. Not that there was anything stopping her from going back sooner. Not really, anyway. Physically, she could do it, but none of us liked to be there when we were visibly injured, even if it had stopped hurting. People always looked at us funny whenever that happened. It was why Id been wearing jumpers and long sleeves for the last week. Even though it was uncomfortable, it was the best thing to do, and I knew that. The guilt was hard to deal with. It made people alternate between avoiding us, barely able to meet our eyes, and being overly nice. Both were irritating, honestly. It felt a little wrong to admit that, but they did annoy me. The reactions were motivated by guilt, and that was the issue, I think. People were so ashamed that me and the rest of my team, a group of kids, were the ones who had to take a stand against those who threatened to destroy the earth and everyone living there. Okay, not everyone we fought was trying to destroy the world, I reasoned as I dried my face and rubbed moisturiser in before tipping my makeup bag upside down. My hand shot out, grabbing my concealer before it rolled off the counter and into the toilet. Some of them were just weird monsters on brutal, murderous rampages, and the Shooting Stars were the only ones who could stop them because of our powers. I couldnt help but stick my tongue out at myself in the mirror. A quiet chuckle escaped my lips, and I shook my head. The name was ridiculous. I wasnt a fan of it, and neither was the rest of my team. It sounded so young. There was something infantilising about it, and Im pretty sure the under-fives running club my mom had taken me to as a kid had the same name, but it wasnt our choice. We werent exactly consulted on it. People just started calling us that, and it stuck. We would have preferred something stronger. Something that radiated power. Earths Mightiest Guardians was Phoebes suggestion, but it was quickly shot down by the marketing team wed been forced to meet with. Someone already held the copyright for that or something. I dont know. I couldnt remember. Id barely been paying attention during that meaning, and honestly, they were lucky I hadnt fallen asleep as they droned on and on about our image. Wait I lowered my hand slowly, still clutching my mascara wand, and stared at my reflection as I ran back over what Id just been thinking. Phoebe. Shed been the one to suggest the name, and that meant she must exist in the new world I was in. She did, I realised, unable to contain my happiness. A grin stretched across my face as I quickly shoved the mascara wand back into the tube and grabbed my phone out of my pocket, needing to double-check that she was the same person as my best friend in real life. I tapped on my messages, spotting her name pinned at the top right under the group chat called EMGs. Despite the marketing teams complaints, that was still what we called ourselves, I realised with a laugh. My eyes scanned the messages, reading through them as my heart thumped painfully. It was definitely her. Every single text sounded like one shed send me in reality, and that realisation filled me with happiness. The picture above Phoebes name even looked like the same one I used in my reality. She existed in that world, and we were still friends. 4.26 Have a good day, sweetie! I glanced at the time, my eyes widening slightly, before quickly dropping my phone onto the counter and hurrying to finish my makeup. I didnt do too much, though. I couldnt really be bothered to spend any more time trying to cover the bags under my eyes or the bruise on my cheek from where Alice had smacked me during training a couple of weeks ago. It was pretty faded, though, I decided as I turned my head slightly, keeping my eyes fixed on my reflection. It was only noticeable at some angles, and even then, it wasnt too bad. People would have to be really staring at me to spot it, and I knew that was possible, but My hand twitched as I debated grabbing my concealer and dabbing it on, but instead, I grabbed my setting spray. I could deal with it. People would already be staring. Them being able to see a hint of a shadow on my cheekbone wouldnt change anything, and theyd probably already noticed it anyway. I picked up my hairbrush and narrowed my eyes at my reflection before beginning to drag it through the mess on top of my head. How was it so bad? Id just been sleeping! I hadnt even had any nightmares, but it looked as though Id been dragged through a hedge without transforming or something. It was a mess. A wince skitted across my face as I pulled at the many knots. Somehow, despite being resistant to pain and basically bulletproof, brushing my hair still hurt. I didnt understand the logic of that at all. Surely, if I could have a car thrown at me and be fine, I could basically rip my hair out and not feel a thing? But no. That wasnt how it worked, apparently. Every slight tug of my hair still hurt every single time. Dropping my hairbrush, I threw my head forward, bending over as I gathered my hair into a high ponytail and tying it up before straightening again to peer at myself in the mirror. It didnt look too bad. I had a few flyaways sticking up, but it was neat enough. Neater than it would be if Id just left it down. For some reason, whenever I had my hair down, it quickly became a mess. There was only one notable exception. Somehow, whenever I transformed, it was different. My hair behaved differently. All of me did. My eyes found the bracelet containing the shard that helps concentrate my powers clasped around my wrist, and a wistful sigh slipped from my lips. For perhaps the hundredth time over the last couple of months, I found myself wishing my hair always looked as good as it did when I transformed. That would make my life so much easier. It still confused me, though. Same with the rest of the girls. We have no idea why the meteor that gave us our powers seemed to care so much about aesthetics, but it did. Whenever we transformed, no matter how bad we looked beforehand, we were suddenly flawless. I couldnt believe it the first time I saw a picture. My hair fell in perfect, glossy waves, refusing to tangle even after a brutal fight, and my makeup was always perfect. It even changed what we were wearing. I had no clue how it worked, but as soon as we transformed, we became dressed in strange short dresses made of a weird, almost Lycra material. It wasnt actually Lycra, though. The scientists whod been studying me and the rest of the girls discovered that shortly before coming to the conclusion that it was not of our world. It didnt appear harmful, apparently, but I would have been more reassured if theyd sounded less uncertain. Still, I wasnt complaining. I liked the dress, even if yellow wasnt usually my colour. I would have preferred blue or pink, but Phoebe and Alice got those colours, and I was pretty sure we couldnt change them even if we wanted to. The dress was still cute, though. Whenever I transformed, it made me feel like I was in a movie, but I didnt just admire how it looked. I loved how practical it was. The dress was supportive, meaning I didnt need to haul around a sports bra to change into every time, and there were built-in shorts. I was so grateful it had those, especially after the last fight wed been called to. The dumb villain, whose name I couldnt even remember, had used some weird device to immobilise me and had suspended me upside down. I think he was hoping Id eventually lose consciousness, but that didnt happen. I was stuck there until Issy managed to disconnect the machine from the power supply, though. If it werent for the shorts, photos of my pants would have been plastered all over the news and social media. How would I ever be able to leave my house again? It would have been awful knowing that pretty much everyone in the world had seen my underwear, and I wasnt sure if I would have been able to face them again. A shudder slipped down my spine, but I ignored it as I marched into my room and pulled my wardrobe open. My lips twitched into a frown as I grabbed the first long-sleeved school shirt I saw and slipped into it. There was a brief moment where I was so tempted to throw it onto the floor and wear one with short sleeves instead, but I knew it wasnt a good idea. It wouldnt be worth it, regardless of how uncomfortable I always found long sleeves. If I had my arms uncovered, I was almost certain Id leave school before lunch. The guilt radiating from every single person around me would be too much, and I wouldnt be able to withstand it. I couldnt do that. I needed to stick around until my biology class just after lunch, and that meant long sleeves. I glanced down at my arms, staring at them through the fabric. That was another thing that happened when we transformed. All scars and imperfections disappeared, and it had been strange at first to look down and not see any of the marks I was used to seeing on my body, but Id quickly become grateful for it because the dresses had short, slightly puffed sleeves with a ribbon wrapped around the hem, forming a yellow bow on my biceps. They were small, though. Nothing like the one that appeared in Issys hair every time. The scars always reappeared when we turned back, but we usually did that in the privacy of our own homes or in the lab, so we had time to cover up again before the paparazzi had time to see the damage the fights left on our bodies. They always took longer to fade completely than I expected. At first, I generally had at least a few days between attacks where I didnt need to worry about covering up, but that had changed. They were becoming more frequent. Much more frequent. Only three days had passed since the last one, and that was the longest wed gone without something in a little while. It wasnt going to last much longer, though. I knew that. I could feel something looming. It was building, gathering momentum, and it was only a matter of time until it struck. There never used to be any evil masterminds or monsters before. I mean, there were always powerful people who abused their positions, but it was never as bad as it had been recently. Perhaps they just covered it up more back then, but it felt like ever since wed found that meteor in the forest during the school campout and suddenly gained our abilities, everything changed. The world changed, and weird things began to happen. New threats seemed to surface every single day. There were so many that I needed to be aware of and monitor, and they didnt even tell us about all of them, but I knew some were other people whod stumbled across an asteroid like me and the other girls. It did something to them, to their minds. They became cruel, ruthless and power-hungry. There were others too, though. Not every threat was caused by someone with abilities. Some were strange, mutated creatures and others were aliens. I was pretty sure they were aliens, anyway. Wed fought against something a couple of weeks ago that I was almost certain was not of this planet, to use the phrasing the scientists often used. There were many signs that hinted at that. It appeared deflated, kind of like a blobfish, which made me think it had come from a planet with different pressure than ours. Id seen pictures of those before. They looked completely normal when they were swimming around at their normal depths, but the moment they were brought to the surface, they appeared melted. That was how the alien looked, but there was a more obvious sign that it wasnt a human or an animal. The blood. A sigh slipped out of my skirt as I stepped into my skirt and pulled it up. When Livvie blasted it with her laser eyes, we just expected it to get thrown back. That was what normally happened, but instead, the thing exploded. I was closest to it at the time, and that meant I was coated with the thick, foul-smelling goo, which I suspected was its blood. It was bright blue, though. The memory caused another shudder to slip down my back. That stuff had been almost impossible to wash off, and they hadnt let me shower at home, which probably didnt help. The government agency that had been hastily thrown together to deal with everything made me shower in the lab so they could collect as much of the goop as possible. I hated it. Even though there was no one else in the room, and theyd promised me that the cameras were off, I was still uncomfortable. Id check them myself and even covered the cameras with towels before getting unchanged, but it still felt weird. The pathetic water pressure didnt help either. It came out at a trickle. My phone buzzed, and I snatched it up, reading the police report quickly. It was nothing for us to worry about, though. Just a stabbing, but it wasnt too bad. No fatalities, luckily. Still, I felt the need to flick through the app quickly, just to make sure I hadnt missed something. There was nothing there, luckily, and I slipped my phone into my skirt pocket before pulling on my jumper and grabbing my bag. Peering inside, I scanned the contents to make sure I had everything. It seemed like I did, though. My school-issued laptop was there, nestled amongst textbooks and bottles. I really needed to clear out my bag at some point. Half the bottles were empty, I was pretty sure, and I hadnt checked the use-by date on the rest. Some of the protein shakes went off pretty quickly. Id discovered that when Id taken a swing of one and gotten a mouthful of curled lumps. Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. Nausea flared within me for a moment, but I pushed it aside as I started to reach for the blazer hanging from the wardrobe handle before freezing. I knew I should have worn it, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. It already felt like I was swaddled in so many layers, and the thought of adding another made me want to set the offending item on fire or drop it in the middle of the ocean. Not that I would, obviously. It could get caught around a fish and kill them, but I wanted to. I chewed the inside of my lip as I stared at it, unsure what to do. I hated wearing it, and the teachers had pretty much stopped caring whether I followed the dress code or not. Previously, Id get detentions all the time for my top button not being done up or my skirt being half an inch too short, but that hadnt happened in a while, so I was pretty sure theyd ignore the fact I wasnt wearing my blazer. Or even carrying it. My lips pulled up into a smile, and I grinned at myself in the mirror as my fingers crept towards my wrist, making sure the bracelet was still there. Of course, it was. I never took it off, and I knew that, but it still made me feel better to check and know for certain. It was reassuring to feel it. I found myself reaching for it several times a day, but I couldnt seem to stop. The shard of meteor inside helped focus our powers. It made the transformation easier and smoother, and it wasnt that I couldnt use my powers without it. I could, but it was messier. The scientists made us practice before, and none of us liked that. Phoebe especially seemed to despise it, and I completely understood why. Rather than just being able to fly without any real effort, even just getting into the air felt like I was trying to lift a truck, and the less said about my attempt to wield water, the better. I shook my head at myself in the mirror before turning and leaving my room. It took me a moment to realise just how quiet the house was, and a spark of fear ignited dully at the back of my mind as I came to a stop at the top of the stairs. Dad must already be at work, but my mom should have been there. She always was. Letting my eyes shut, I listened closely. The constant buzz of the electricity racing through the wires outside the front of the house was the only sound I could hear. It was so loud that it blocked out everything else unless I concentrated, but when I did My mom was in the kitchen. The slightly too fast thumping gave her away. Her resting heartbeat was too high. It was quicker than mine or Dads, but still normal enough. Or at least, that was what the doctor Id made her speak to had said. She attributed it to the sheer amount of tea Mom drank every day. Well, that and the lack of exercise, but my mom refused to do anything about that. Shes not overweight. That was her argument. She pointed out that she was thin, and according to her, that must mean that she was healthy. Mom had brandished that fact like a weapon, but the doctor had been unmoved and insisted she needed to start going for more walks and work on her cardio fitness, which Mom had ignored. My eyebrows pulled together. My mom didnt drink tea. Not in real life, anyway. Id seen her drink it a handful of times, but she normally tended towards coffee, and that realisation gave me a strange flutter of hope. Did it mean she was different in that world? If she had different preferences, surely it had to. But then, what was she like? I rooted through my memories, feeling a burst of gratitude that I was able to access them so easily. Theyd been wide open, presenting themselves to me without hesitation or reluctance. My heart sank slowly. She was fairly similar in that world, I realised. Some of the memories I could see were almost identical to reality, and that meant my mom was just as snappy and cruel. She had changed a little since the incident with the meteor, though. She was a little better. That confused me, though. I could feel the uncertainty seeping in from the other version of me too. She had wondered why her mom was acting differently too, coming to the conclusion that it could just be that she liked how much attention Id brought to her and the rest of the family. It gave her more chances to present herself as a perfect mother who supported her child endlessly, and she relished that. Or perhaps it was just that she felt more important. After all, she was the mother of one of the Shooting Starsa fact she promptly informed everyone about when she met them for the first time. Her days were filled with driving me to research labs, police stations, government buildings, airports and countless other places. I could have just flown, but sometimes it was better for my mom to take me. Flying could be exhausting, and people always got a little panicked when they saw us flying around. They seemed to assume something bad was happening. Plus, Mom tried to insist she drive me. She seemed to enjoy that, savouring the fact that she was in control of one of the most powerful people in the world and could order me around. She wasnt truly in control, though. I knew she didnt hold any power over me, and if I wanted to, I could just fly away, but I didnt. The illusion shed crafted in her own head made her easier to cope with, and I didnt want to destroy it just yet. The moment I started down the stairs, my mom began to move. I could hear her bustling around the kitchen, turning the kettle on to brew another pot of tea. Good morning, Grace, she called as I reached the bottom of the stairs. How did you sleep? Pretty well, thanks, I lied. How about you? I didnt sleep particularly badly, anyway. Obviously, Id woken up a few times throughout the night to check the police reports, but that wasnt too bad. It was normal for me, and I always managed to fall asleep again before too long, so I didnt mind. Like a log, Mom replied with a smile. Are you having some breakfast? The question made me hesitate, and my eyes flicked towards my buzzing phone. I was hungry, but Phoebe was almost there, and I didnt want her to have to wait around for me. Inviting her in whilst I ate wasnt really an option, though. Mom had always been kind of weird around Phoebe, but it had gotten worse since wed gained our abilities. It was had to determine whether Mom was jealous of Phoebe for what she could do or if she was just awkward and didnt really know how to talk to people. Both felt like viable options, though. No, thank you. Ill probably just grab something on the way to school, I decided. Or maybe Id just wait until lunch and eat a lot then. The idea was tempting, even though I knew it was a bad idea. Going to the shops would add an extra ten minutes to the journey at least, and that meant we might be late, but if I didnt eat anything in the morning, Id probably regret it. If the alarm sounded before lunch, I definitely would. Id need to down one of the protein shakes from my bag and just pray it wasnt gone off as we raced to wherever we were needed. It was either that or fight hungry, which always made it harder to concentrate. My mothers expression turned disproving. Make sure you do, she said in a firm, chiding tone. You need your strength, and I know those little uniforms you wear are tight, but Its not that, I said, cutting her off. Im just in a rush, but Ill grab something from Tescos or the canteen. Mom continued to look at me, seemingly waiting for me to crack and break down, but I held firm. Shed already given me the lecture many times about how I needed to make sure I was eating enough because apparently the skimpy outfits we liked to wear, her words, were no excuse to starve myself. I didnt, and the dresses werent a choice. We didnt decide to wear them when we transformed. It was just something that happened. Sometimes, I was just running late or too tired to eat. That happened fairly often, especially after a particularly strenuous fight. All I could do was collapse into bed and sleep until morning. Or later. There were a few occasions where Id slept almost a full day and then woke up ravenous and barely able to resist the urge to devour everything in the fridge and cupboards. Once, wed stayed at Phoebes after a battle. When we eventually woke up, we were so hungry, but there just wasnt enough food in the house, so we ordered pizzas. It had been so embarrassing when the takeaway had called up to make sure wed not made a mistake and accidentally hit zero when ordering. It wasnt a mistake, though. We truly had meant to order thirty pizzas between the five of us, and I was so glad Issy was there to take the call. She was so poised and composed as she explained that we truly would like that many pizzas delivered to the house at ten in the morning. The memory of the pizzas made my stomach rumble, and I watched Mom carefully, trying to work out if shed heard it. Fortunately, it didnt seem like she had. She nodded, her expression still suspicious, before speaking again. Okay, good. There was a slight pause, and I glanced at my phone again. Relief washed over me. Phoebes here. I should get going, I said before starting to move towards the door. I could feel my mom following behind me, and for a moment, I wished shed go back to ignoring me most of the time like she did before. It was weird and suffocating how attentive she was being, and I didnt like it. It felt unnatural and forced. Well, shes welcome to come in and have some breakfast too. That girl doesnt eat enough either. Oh, thats okay, I said uncomfortably as I grabbed my shoes from the rack. Well probably have to rush to meet the others and swing by Melanies before going to the shops anyway. Mom tutted loudly, and from the corner of my eye, I saw her place a hand on her heart. Irritation surged within me, and I refused to actually look at her as I slipped my shoes on. That poor girl, she sighed, her tone full of feigned sympathy. Hows she doing now? Shes completely fine, I said flatly, fed up with having the exact same conversation every time. I wasnt sure why it annoyed me so much whenever Mom brought her up, but she did. It just felt performative. She didnt really care about Mel or how she was doing; she just asked because she felt like she should or because she wanted to hear the gory details, and I wasnt willing to give them again. Oh, that is good to hear, Mom said brightly as I began to unbolt the front door. And dont forget you have a doctors appointment later. I froze, my head dropping back as a groan slipped out of my mouth. Crap! I did. Do you remember what time it is? I asked. Mom sighed again, shaking her head. Honestly! Youd forget your head if it wasnt attached! she remarked, a slight smirk pulling at her lips. Its at four, so Ill pick you up from the front of the school at half two. Make sure youre not late. That was after biology class, I realised. Id be able to stay for the whole lesson, and then I could rush out to meet Mom. Great. I will be, I said as I pulled the door open, my eyes finding Phoebe. She lingered at the bottom of the drive. Her face lit up when she saw me, but she didnt come any closer. I didnt blame her. If I could avoid talking to my mom, I would too. Good. And if youre not going to make it, try to text me and let me know. I will, I said, remembering how irritated shed been last week. I had another doctors appointment, but wed been called in to fight, and Mom hadnt realised. Somehow, shed missed the news reports, and shed been waiting outside my school for twenty minutes before she tried to phone me. One of the handlers wed left our bags with had picked up for me, and Mom was so annoyed I hadnt been the one to answer or call her first, but how was I meant to do that when I was literally in the middle of a fight? Okay, she said as I stepped through the front door. Have a good day, sweetie. Love you! Love you too. 4.27 Spiders breathe, dont they? Okay, so why dont we just stay at Mels this weekend then? Livvie suggests as we walk through the corridor. Its been a while since we did, so I think it makes the most sense, right? She glanced back at Phoebe and me, and I felt my face scrunch up. I dont know I said before trailing off, not wanting to say what I was thinking. It wasnt that I didnt like staying at Mels house. It was nice, and her parents were fine. They mostly just left us alone, which was good. I think we all preferred it that way. Then, we could just relax. But there was one thing that made me reluctant to agree with Livvie. Whenever we stayed there, Phoebe and I always shared an inflatable mattress on the floor. That was how it went. Livvie slept in Mels bed with her, Alice and Issy took the futon, and that left Phoebe and me with the blow-up mattress. I never really liked sleeping on them, but it was so much worse when I had Phoebe beside me. I loved her. She was my best friend, and I would happily spend all of my time with her, but sharing that mattress with her made it hard to resist the urge to smother her. She was such a violent sleeper, I recalled, surprise creeping into my thoughts. She wasnt too bad in my reality, but in that world, she was terrible. She spent the entire night rolling back and forth, bouncing the entire bed and waking me up every single time she moved. And she kicked. Any time she wanted to throw the duvet off herself, shed flail her legs wildly, and somehow, they always managed to find my shins. After we spent a weekend at Mels, Id always be covered in bruises for a week, even with how fast I healed. Id asked her about it before, wanting to know if there was something specific about staying at Mels house or the bed that made her so restless, but she was just as baffled as I was. Apparently, she always thought she slept pretty well when we were there. She didnt have nightmares or anything, and I was glad, but it didnt help my urge to murder her in her sleep. Livvie burst out laughing, and a grimace pulled at my lips as my eyes flicked between her and Phoebe. What? Phoebe asked Livvie before looking back at me. It was clear she knew shed missed something, and I silently begged Livvie not to share my thoughts with Phoebe. Id said it all to her before, anyway. Phoebe had just laughed them off, but they made me feel bad. She was my best friend. I shouldnt be thinking that kind of thing about her, not even in jest. Dominos doesnt deliver to Mels house, Livvie said in an overly sombre voice as she pulled open the door to the science block and nodded for Phoebe and me to go in before her. That was a good point, even if it wasnt what Id actually been thinking. Oh yeah, I forgot about that, Phoebe sighed. Okay, why dont we just stay at mine then? I know we were there last weekend, but Mom doesnt mind. Livvie glanced at me, and I raised my eyebrows, shrugging slightly. It was the best solution, in my opinion. I knew I was biased because I was so comfortable there; Id been going to Phoebes house for years, unlike with the other girls. It had the most space, though. The sofas in the lounge pulled out into beds, and they were surprisingly comfortable. Plus, her mom always got the best snacks for us, I thought as we came to a stop outside the biology classroom, aware that Livvie was listening in. I was putting no effort into shielding my thoughts from her. In fact, I was doing the opposite. Those freeze-dried cheese things wed had last weekend were so good, I thought loudly. I couldnt stop my lips from stretching up into a smile as I watched Livvie deliberate, seeing the decision etched on her face. I couldnt read minds like she could, but sometimes it was like her every thought was written in her eyes. I mean, Im happy to do that, she said with a shrug. Should I put it in the group A shrill bell cut her off, and heads snapped around, their eyes finding us. I reached into my pocket as Livvie and Phoebe did the same, retrieving my phone and silencing it as quickly as I could. Scanning the accompanying report on the screen, I let out a heavy sigh. Really? I grumbled, turning away from the rest of our class and starting to move. The giant spiders couldnt wait another hour. We were so close! Neither Livvie nor Phoebe replied, but I saw the smirk on Phoebes lips as she threw the doors open again, and we broke into a run. My eyes darted between the report on my phone and the corridor ahead of us as we hurried towards the field. People generally threw themselves out of the way when they saw us coming, but sometimes they were too slow. They were too distracted as they pulled their own phones out to record us, and it meant we had to dodge to avoid mowing them down. Finally, we reached the door leading to the school field and sprinted through it, speeding up as we spotted Issy and Alice already waiting in our usual spot. Their phones were in their hands, and I could see Alices lips moving as she read the report. Mel already on her way? I asked as I reached them, looking up at the sky. There was no sign of her, but I knew she wouldnt be particularly far. Yeah, shes going to meet us up there, Issy replied, dropping her phone into her bag before looking at Phoebe. Are you going to be okay with this one? I know youre not a fan of spiders. You can sit it out if you want. Well say youre sick or something? Phoebe hesitated, the temptation visible on her pale face. Did they say how big they are? she asked fearfully. Issy didnt reply immediately. She paused for just a moment longer than she should have, and I noticed Livvie grimace in the background. Concern swept over me, and my eyes flicked towards Phoebe, but thankfully, she didnt seem to notice. She was too busy emptying her pockets into her bag, and I hurried to do the same. We didnt need to, not really. Whenever we transformed, whatever we were wearing or was in our pockets at the time would just go wherever the rest of our clothes did, and it would be safe there, but I preferred to know my phone and everything else was in my bag. It made me feel more comfortable. They still hadnt worked out what happened to the stuff when we transformed. The scientists had tried. They tracked our phones, put devices into our clothes and bags that were meant to report the location back, but they couldnt work it out. It seemed as though the items just blinked out of existence until they were needed again, but I knew they had to go somewhere. I dont think theyre that big, Issy replied, but she didnt meet Phoebes eye. Instead, she was paying far too much attention to the waterproof box she was pulling out of her bag. Okay, everyone ready? She looked up at us as she tossed it to the side, and a shadow of nervousness came over me. I smoothed my skirt down, needing to do something with my hands, and nodded, suddenly very aware that we had an audience. I could see them out of the corner of my eye. I didnt turn my head, didnt look around at them, but I knew there were people there. There shouldnt have been. Lunch was over, and the school bell had rung as we were running out. Everyone else should have been inside, starting their lessons, but there were so many people lining the field, their phones out and pointed at us. Are they not used to it by now? The question floated around my mind. It did fairly often when we were about to transform, and people began flocking. I was pretty sure that every single person in the school had seen it happen before. Multiple times. Were they not bored of it? It wasnt particularly interesting to watch, in my opinion. The transformation looked the same every time. Id seen the videos; I knew that. At first, we just looked like normal school kids. Then, wed put our fists together. There would be a flash of golden light, and suddenly, we were the Shooting Stars. Obviously, it wasnt quite that simple, but that was how it looked for others. They didnt know what it was actually like for us. I didnt either. Not really. Id transformed a hundred times, if not more. It had become such a regular part of my life in that world, but I hadnt actually done it. Not the real me, anyway. I hadnt had the chance to transform since Id arrived in the world, and I was so excited to do it. I wanted to know what it was like, to experience it rather than just have memories of it happening. Ready, Alice said, reaching her fist into the centre. Ready, came Livvies confirmation. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! My heart leapt as Issy looked at Phoebe. She was chewing on the inside of her lip, her face still pale. I think she must have felt my gaze on her face because she looked up. The fear in her eyes sent sympathy through me, and I needed to say something to make her feel better and remind her that she could handle what we were about to do. Dont worry, I started. Im pretty sure the spiders will still be flammable, regardless of the size. Phoebe snorted, the anxiety fading from her face as her fist joined the other two. I guess well find out. Ready. We will, I promised her. And if theyre somehow not, I bet I can still drown them. Wait spiders breathe, dont they? Do they you know, have lungs? Issy and Livvie laughed. I truly dont know, Issy said. I assume so? We can ask Mel once were up there, though. Shell know. Phoebe nodded, her expression serious. She will, she muttered more to herself than any of her before glancing at me. I knew what she was waiting for, and I didnt hesitate to reach out, my knuckles touching Phoebes. I left just enough space for Issys hand to join ours, even though it wasnt really necessary. We didnt need to go through the whole routine of readying up and putting our hands together anymore. We had to at first; it was the only way we could transform, but wed grown a lot since then. Wed gotten better, stronger, and we could do it with just a thought. But we still did it pretty much every time. It just felt better when we did. It was like we were more connected, more prepared, and I wasnt sure why, but I didnt want to question it too much, just in case. Ready, I said. We all looked at Issy, who smiled and stepped forward. Ready, she confirmed, her tone serious. I acted instinctively. My mind seemed to reach out towards the shard in the bracelet on my wrist, feeling the connection to the other girls and Mel, who was somewhere in the skies. I grasped it, pulling it towards me. Light engulfed us. My body rose into the air, and I was bathed in heat. I could feel it washing over me slowly, starting at the tips of my fingers and reaching along my arms before moving along the rest of my body. It was a strange sensation, as if I were being coated in a warm layer of something solid, but it was nice. I liked it. As the light passed over me, my muscles felt renewed. They became stronger, and I was filled with energy. The desire to get to work, to rush to wherever the spiders were waiting for us and start protecting people immediately pulled at me, making it difficult not to spring into the air immediately. I was ready to tackle whatever was in store for us. My skirt brushed gently against my mid-thigh as the glow faded, revealing us to the crowd who watched eagerly. Cheers exploded from around us, and I couldnt help but smile at Alice, who stood opposite me. I still didnt look at them, though. I was used to the celebrations; they werent the reason I was smiling. It was the transformation. I knew it would make me feel good, but I didnt understand just how much better I would be afterwards. We straightened up, waiting as Issy retrieved the box shed tossed to the ground and pulled it open. She held it out towards us, and I grabbed my earpiece and slipped it into place. A faint beeping sounded, telling me it was connected. Okay, all ready to go? she asked as she fastened the smartwatch onto her wrist. Lets go! Livvie cheered before stepping away. I hurried to do the same, moving into my usual position for take-off. It was easy to spot it. The grass was slightly trampled from the sheer number of times Id stood there before leaping into the air, and that realisation brought a smile to my lips. I wasnt sure why. I just liked the idea of creating a mark like that. Okay, came Issys voice, seeming to speak right into my ear. Three, two, one! A split second of absolute panic slammed into me as the others sprung into the air, the movement appearing effortless. Time seemed to slow down, moving at a crawl, and all I could do was watch. Id never done it before. I didnt know what I was doing or how to fly, but I needed to. Everyone was watching us. They were filming, and if they saw the rest of my team fly away, leaving me on the ground, I wasnt sure what would happen, but I didnt want to find out. But I wouldnt have to. My body took over, and my knees bent before I jumped. Amazement fluttered within me as I shot into the air, still unsure of what I was doing, but somehow, I knew that I would be okay. I trusted my body, trusted myself. It would take control again, allowing me to soar. And it did. I had no clue how I was doing it. There wasnt anything in particular that I was doing, and it barely took conscious thought, but suddenly, I was hovering. I didnt fall back to the trampled grass. I was flying. The rest of my team paused for just a moment before shooting forward, and I did the same. It just happened. My body moved through the air, and the wind caressed my face as we swept low over the school roof so Issy could drop the waterproof box there to retrieve later before banking and flying north. My heart was pounding. Flying was so easy, so effortless, and it made me want to cry. The world passed by beneath us, and I watched, my eyes finding the people below. They looked up at us, and even from the height, I could see their eyes widen. They pointed, cheered and pulled out their phones, eager to record the sighting. Where are you, Mel? Livvie asked. I cant see you. Im a little further ahead, came Mels voice. Ill slow down more so you guys can catch up with me, though. We have time for that, right? I dont need to race there, do I? No, youre fine, Issy replied, looking down at her watch. I mean, youre only a minute or two ahead. Her mouth didnt move, I realised. When she spoke to us, Issys mouth wasnt moving. I looked back at the others, waiting for someone else to speak so I could figure out if I was mistaken somehow. A minute or two ahead? Livvie repeated. How fast were you flying, Mel? That time, I was certain Livvies lips had stayed shut. Somehow, she was speaking without actually speaking, and I had no clue how she could possibly be doing that. Was it the earpieces? Were they somehow broadcasting our thoughts to each other? No, that wasnt it. There was something else happening. Another reason. I looked around at the others again, trying to be subtle so they wouldnt realise anything was wrong. I had to make sure Livvie didnt notice and try to listen in on what I was thinking. That could be dangerous. She could easily notice that I wasnt exactly me. We couldnt talk whilst flying, I recalled slowly, the knowledge trickling into my awareness. I mean, it was something we could physically do, but the wind rushing by drowned things out and made it harder to pick out voices. That wasnt the main reason, though. There was another one. Bugs. They mostly stayed away from us when we were in the air, but for some reason, if we opened our mouths, they just flew right in. A shudder ripped through me as the memory of the first time Id done that hit me. I hadnt seen it coming. One minute, I was flying and trying to say something to Phoebe, and the next, I was choking on a bee that had smacked into the back of my throat. I still felt bad for whoever was walking below me that day. I hope they had an umbrella. But that still didnt solve my confusion. How was I hearing their voices if they werent talking? I flicked through my memories, searching for an answer. It was there. I knew it was. I could feel it at the corner of my mind, but it was just out of reach until It was their thoughts. We could think things to each other when we were transformed. We couldnt do it normally; only Livvie could hear thoughts then, but we were pretty sure the ability would develop sooner or later. The first time, it was accidental. Phoebe had noticed a kill switch in the middle of a fight, but she was too far away to hit it, and she didnt want to scream it at us in case the villain heard and hid the switch before we could get to it. Her voice had shouted directly into my head, and I hadnt even realised she hadnt spoken out loud until we were watching replays of the fight later. I thought Phoebes eyes were going to fall out of her head. They were so wide as she scrambled for the remote, rewinding and watching the moment over and over as we tried to figure out if the microphones just hadnt picked up her voice, the footage had been edited or whether something else was going on. Wed asked the agency, though. They were the ones who were in control of all of the footage, and they claimed they hadnt done anything. The scientists were ecstatic, though. They made us transform and try to communicate without speaking again. It was weird and difficult to do at first. We kind of had to talk out loud, but in our heads, and that was hard to get used to. It had taken a lot of practice, but after the first week or so, we could all do it easily. It was just as natural as speaking. So, whats the situation down there? How bad is it? Mel asked. Did you read the report? Issy replied, her tone nonjudgmental. There was a slight pause, and a smile tugged at my lips. I scanned it, Mel told us. Briefly. Issy snickered, the noise loud in my head. Shall I ask Avery to give us a rundown? she offered. No, I responded immediately. Were not close enough. Agreed, Phoebe added, sending me a smirk. Avery was fine, but she loved to talk. That was probably why she was in charge of communicating with us, but it could get exhausting sometimes, and I felt like we just didnt need to know everything she told us. Like, during the last attack, she listed every single person who was trapped aboard the ship and their rank. She could have just said the number of people. Why did she need to drone on for so long? It wasnt helping us at all. Fair. There have been a few fatalities so far, but apparently, the spiders werent really attacking people or trying to hurt them, Issy told us. Theyve webbed a few people, but most of the casualties either seemed to be accidents or were caused by humans during the panic. So theyre probably waiting until they see us to start attacking? Mel suggested. That would make sense. The octopus creatures did that, and the weird moose thing we fought a month or so ago seemed fairly peaceful until we showed up. Then, it started rampaging. Urgh. I bet thats exactly what theyre doing, Phoebe grumbled. Disgusting, ugly, awful oh wait! Mel, do spiders breathe? Mel didnt reply for a few seconds. There was nothing but the constant rushing of the wind before her voice sounded again. Im sorry, what? Phoebe glanced across at me. It seemed like she was asking for my help to explain the question, and I grinned before looking back at the distinctive green dot that was slowly coming into view in the sky ahead of us. The shade of Mels uniform was so bright. It was always easy to spot her. I know they probably need oxygen, I thought, pushing my voice out towards the others. Like, most living things do, right? Right Mel replied slowly, clearly still lost. Okay, so could I drown them? Would that kill them? 4.28 Webs Were five minutes out, Issys voice said directly into my head as she checked the map on her smartwatch. Are you all ready for the briefing now? I heaved a heavy sigh, but a smirk pulled at my lips. Yeah, I guess so, I thought. Are you sure we have to this time? I mean, we probably already know everything we need to know, right? Phoebe snorted and glanced across at me. I assume so, she added. I doubt Avery has anything new to tell us. Issys eyes narrowed as she looked back at us, craning her head to see everyone around her flowing hair. Im sure shell find something to tell us, she thought back flatly, her tone utterly lacking enthusiasm. Oh, she definitely will, Mel agreed. Lets see what she has to say, I guess. Issy moved her hand to shield her mouth from the wind, bringing the other one up to join it. Avery, she said into the smartwatch on her wrist. ETA four minutes and thirty-nine seconds. What do we need to know about the situation before we land? A nervous laugh came from my earpiece. Oh, goodness! Avery gasped, sounding panicked. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing, but Livvie wasnt as successful. A loud snort came from behind me, and I glanced back as Issy sent her a chiding look. It didnt really matter, though. Avery wouldnt have heard us. Our microphones were switched off when we were flying. It was the only way to prevent the entire team in the control room from being deafened by the constant wind. Yeah, sorry. Didnt realise how close wed gotten, Issy lied. She had. It was an intentional decision, just like the decision to fly at that specific altitude. For some reason, the trackers in our earpieces lagged at some heights. The tech team couldnt work out why that was, but we took advantage of that knowledge, sticking to the altitudes we knew to be safe whenever we didnt want to be bothered by the constant stream of conversation that would flow from Averys mouth if she knew just how close we were to the location. Dont worry! It happens, Avery said brightly before launching into an explanation. Approximately forty minutes ago, a swarm of giant spiders How giant? Phoebe interrupted her to ask. There was a slight pause, just as when Phoebe had asked Issy, and I felt nervousness grow within me. They had to be huge if people were so worried about telling Phoebe the truth. It varies, Avery replied carefully. Some arent too big. Theyre about the height of a medium-sized dog, and I believe the largest confirmed sighting we have is ah, just over seven foot. Seven seven foot tall? Phoebe clarified. Yes. I glanced across at Phoebe with a grimace. All the colour had drained from her face, and her eyes were wide. She hadnt slowed at all, but it seemed as though she was no longer paying attention to anything that was going on around her. You can go home if you want, I offered softly. Well meet you there after. Phoebe blinked, remaining silent for a moment. It seemed as though she was debating taking me up on the offer, but something was stopping her from doing it. She clearly longed to be far away from the giant spiders and to never come face to face with them, but she was too brave. She shook her head, squeezing her hands into fists at her sides. No, its okay, she told me. Ill be fine. But if they arent flammable Then you can leave straight away, Issy promised. I plan to, Phoebe grumbled darkly. Sorry about that interruption, Issy said into her watch again. Please continue, Avery. Of course. So, a swarm of fairly large spiders emerged from the cave system beneath Nottingham, Avery told us. Were not sure whether they originated down there or simply used the vast network of caves and tunnels to transverse the city without being seen. The majority of the entrances to the system are boarded up or were blocked off long ago, with a few minor exceptions. Theyre mostly tourist attractions. You know, educational experiences, ghost tours, escape rooms, and that kind of thing. Although, why anyone would want to do an escape room in a cave is beyond me. I mean What happened once they came out? Issy asked, interrupting Avery before she had the chance to launch into yet another speech about escape rooms. She was surprisingly passionate about them, but then again, she was surprisingly passionate about a lot of things. Still, it had been a shock to hear her say that the mere fact that anyone wilfully chose to do escape rooms was proof that humanity was doomed. They went against the evolution and the theory of natural selection, apparently. I didnt really listen to the rant. I tuned out after about ten minutes, but she said something about it making no sense to her. Apparently, according to the theory, humans should have evolved to not enjoy being locked in generally cramped spaces. People should have an innate fear of them because they usually lead to death. Thats what she said. Or at least, I was pretty sure she did. She also said something about how they were a slap in the face to Darwin and that hed be rolling in his grave if he knew about them, but that part didnt make any sense to me. Maybe she had a point, but I didnt try too hard to figure it out. It was funny whenever Avery got worked up about something like that, though. It was rarely something that actually mattered, but she cared far too much regardless, and I really didnt get what she hated so much about escape rooms. Id never done one, but they seemed kind of fun to me. I think Id enjoy it. The thought of having to solve puzzles and riddles and that kind of thing with a time limit scared me a little, but it also seemed fun. Maybe Id be good at it, but even if I wasnt, it would make me feel like a detective or a spy or something. A jolt went through me. I was a spy. Or I was going to become one in the other world, the one with the Academy. I was avoiding it for the time being, but I would be a spy there one day. Perhaps Id get locked in a room and have to solve a series of clues to get out for real someday. It seemed dangerous, and part of me was scared, but a larger part was excited. Oh! Avery cried, clearly realising she was meant to be briefing us. Not a lot, really. I mean, there was the initial panic, which caused a bit of a stampede, obviously. Thats still somewhat ongoing, but its mostly stopped. Either people have gotten away from the spiders, or theyre in hiding. Okay and what about the spiders? Issy asked. What did they do? The report said they werent attacking people, right? Yes. I mean, no. They werent attacking people. Theyve captured a handful of humans; we believe there are nine, but the picks seem opportunistic rather than intentional. There was a slight pause whilst that information sunk in. It was reassuring. If the spiders were just capturing people who got too close to them, that was probably a good thing. It meant they were unlikely to be particularly organised or to have a specific goal or intention, which always made the fight a little easier. And what about the spread? Before we left, it said they hadnt gone too far. Are they still staying close to the tunnel entrances or Issy was cut off by the rapid clicking of a mouse, and we waited for Avery to find the information she needed. She was taking too long, though. Impatience grew within me as the silence stretched on, and I wished I could grab my phone and scroll through the report myself rather than having to wait for Avery to do it. I couldnt, though. Obviously. I didnt have my phone on me. It was in the void or wherever it was until I transformed back into my normal clothes, but even if I had it on me, I wasnt sure Id be able to bring myself to use it. It felt too dangerous. I was far too aware of how much damage something like a phone could do to a person if it fell from that height. They have ventured a little further now, Avery said eventually. But theyre mostly staying within a three-mile radius. The majority of the spiders are staying close to the city hall, however. Does it seem coordinated? Mel prompted. From what Id heard, it didnt, but it was always good to ask. Issy normally did. It changed how we fought. Does the spread seem coordinated? Issy echoed, sending a grateful smile back at Mel. Are the spiders communicating? I think before, I would have assumed they werent. I didnt know much about spiders or many other animals, but spiders couldnt talk. I was aware there were other ways of communicating that didnt involve speech, but I would have just assumed they werent doing that. The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. But Id learnt better. There were too many attacks. Id witnessed too many creatures, that shouldnt have been anywhere near as smart as they were, doing terrifyingly intelligent things, and that made me more cautious. It made me more aware of the potential. We dont believe so, Avery responded hesitantly. Its hard to say for sure. The group closest to the city hall seem somewhat organised, but were not certain. Okay Issy started to say, but Avery cut her off. Theyve not breached the building yet, as far as were aware. Our communication with the people inside has been disrupted, but before that happened, they had begun barricading the doors and windows. Hopefully, that should keep the larger ones at bay. And the smaller ones? Issy asked as the city came into view in the distance. It was little more than a speck. A cluster of buildings, slowly growing more dense. Were not sure. There was a slight pause before Issy spoke again. Do you know if it was intentional? Whatever happened with the communication? We dont. It may have been intentional, but its equally possible the signals are just being blocked by the web somehow, Avery said. Or there may be someone working with the spiders and directing them to attack certain areas to isolate those in the hall whilst also launching a remote attack. Is that likely? Do you have a suspect? Avery didnt reply for a moment, and I waited, holding my breath. It was harder when a human was working with the creatures. They were immediately more scary. Not only did it mean they had found a way to communicate with them and, therefore, were likely to be very smart and dangerous, but it also meant they were protected. The creatures always defended them far more than they should have, and that made things worse. It always did. We dont at the moment. Toms working on it, though! Avery informed us. From what we can see, there are no external attacks coming, but were not certain. We were monitoring a handful of individuals who live in Nottingham. Are they all accounted for? Issy questioned. No. Weve managed to find seven, but the locations of the other five are still unknown. That doesnt necessarily mean they are involved, of course, she added. The situation on the ground is chaotic, so it could just be a coincidence. It is possible we are just not currently able to locate them, but they arent involved with the attack at all. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. That absolutely was possible, but I couldnt quite make myself believe that it was a coincidence. They seemed few and far between. Judging by the worried look Phoebe sent me, she felt the same way, and the rest of the girls seemed equally concerned. Wed slowed ever so slightly, trying to give ourselves as much time as possible to gather information before we reached the city. That was fine, though. It wasnt really an active attack. From what Avery was saying, the spiders werent hurting anyone, so we had time. We should have started the briefing sooner, I thought to the others with a sigh. Livvie snorted again. Is, can you ask if the missing suspects have worked together before? she requested. Oh, yeah. Thats a great question! Have any of the missing five individuals worked together in the past? Issy said into her watch. And were they near any of the entrances before the attacks began? As far as were aware, they werent, but its hard to know for certain. We might not be aware of every entrance, and we dont have eyes on them all the time. And as for the working together in the past one sec, I have the information somewhere here, Avery muttered before pausing. The loud clicking of a mouse sounded once more as she searched frantically. Ah, yes! They have. Well, some of them have. We have unconfirmed reports that two of the potential suspects worked together in a research lab approximately seven and a half years ago, and ah. Two other suspects went to primary school together, and both lived in a small village on the outskirts of the city. That doesnt necessarily mean they knew each other, but She trailed off, and we glanced across at Alice. It wasnt intentional, but she was the only one of us who lived in a small village, and her expression made her feelings clear. We can assume they did? she said flatly. Yes. There were only twelve people in their class at the primary school, so it does seem likely, was Averys answer. That made sense based on Alices experiences. If the village where theyd grown up was anything like Alices, everyone knew everyone. It was kind of creepy and reminded me of the village near where my grandparents lived. It felt like if we did anything wrong there, people would be talking about it immediately, and news would get back to Alices parents. We didnt really care about that, not anymore, but it was still intimidating. Her parents didnt tell us off or anything, but I dont think any of us liked knowing we were being watched. It happened wherever we went, but it just felt more oppressive in that village. It was part of the reason we didnt stay at hers that much, despite how big her bedroom was. And the research lab the others worked at, Issy started. Do you know what they were studying? Could it be related at all? I think so Alex, did you have that information? Avery snapped. We waited as a muffled voice came through the earpieces, but it was too soft to pick up. The noise suppression on Averys microphone was too good, and that was always frustrating. I hated when I was able to hear someone talking but couldnt actually pick out the words. Slow down a bit more, Issy thought to us as we waited. Well get to the city hall in under a minute at this pace. Immediately, we eased back a little. My eyes scanned the streets below as we passed, searching for signs of spiders or anything else, but we were still too far out. There was evidence of chaos. Too many cars were on the road for the time of day, and I assumed they were all trying to get as far away from the centre of the city as possible. Okay, Avery said. Their lab wasnt particularly noteworthy. It was privately funded and seemed to have been focusing on theoretical physics mostly, but I dont believe it made any real breakthroughs. We would have heard of them if so. She laughed loudly, but we didnt join in. It felt as though we werent a part of the joke she was enjoying for some reason. Perhaps it was just more information that was above our pay grade. Shes talking in past tense, I pointed out. When did it shut down? It wasnt necessarily related, and I knew that, but something was nibbling at me. It felt like I was missing something, but I wasnt sure what. My brain was aware of something, aware of some connection, but I couldnt figure it out. It was just there, pulling at the back of my mind and making me feel unsteady. Is the lab still in operation? Issy asked once Avery had finished laughing. Yes, but I doubt it will be for much longer, she said. In the past year alone, its gone from fifty-seven employees to six. I couldnt help but wince. I knew very little about business or how anything like that worked, but it seemed like a big change and not in a good way. But the two suspects dont work there anymore? No. Once was fired seven and a half years ago, and Harriett six months ago, Avery said. Do we know what shes doing now? She was clearly talking to someone else. Her tone always changed a little when she did. It became sharper and more clipped. Do you think theres a connection between the lab firing a bunch of people and the city hall? Livvie asked. Like, could this be the reason theyve targeted it? Maybe some of the councillors could be to blame or something? Ill ask. Unemployed, Avery told us. But will probably start working at the local university before too long. Great, Issy said. And do we know whos funding the lab? Is it linked to any of the councillors or, like, the mayor or something? Is there even a mayor of Nottingham? There is. Her name is Carole McCulloch, Avery said without hesitation. But no, we dont think theres a connection between her or any of the other councillors. The councillors offices arent even based in the city hall. They were moved a long time ago. I dont think they even have the council meetings there anymore. Let me check. An aggressively loudly clacking noise came through the earpiece, and I winced. Somehow, the noise suppression blocked out other peoples voices, but Averys typing could be heard perfectly. At first, before Id seen her in the control room, I thought it was some kind of weird glitch with the microphone. I assumed it was amplifying the volume, but then I saw her at the computer, and immediately, I began to feel bad for anyone who worked nearby. They must be at risk of going deaf. Thats okay, Issy hurried to say. I doubt its import Got it! Avery cried. I was right. The city hall is mostly used for administration these days. So, there were no councillors inside. The only people there were public servants and civilians who were unfortunate enough to be visiting at the time. Weve reviewed the list of those inside, and theres no one of note, really. We dont believe they were targeting a specific person or department, but if anything changes, well let you know. Okay, great, Issy said. Is that is that it? Phoebe thought. I stared in the direction she was looking, seeing the giant white building that was just starting to come into view. For a moment, I wasnt sure why she looked so confused. The building looked strange. It was white and a little bulky looking. No windows could be seen, making it look more like a prison than a government building, and that felt wrong. It was. The city hall shouldnt have been white. The bricks were probably another colour or something, and the shape was wrong. It shouldnt have been so weird looking, but it was entirely encased in a white, wispy material that shrouded it from view. Even the dome on top of the hall was hidden. Web. It was webs, I realised as I spotted the black dots, and my eyes turned wide. They were everywhere. Clusters of dark shapes clung to the outside of the building, and my heart began to pound as I realised just how many there were. We were still far away and high up. It was hard to work out just how big the spiders were, but I could tell they were huge. Thats it, Issy sent back grimly as Avery blabbered on about the departments that were still based within the building. I barely even heard what she was saying, though. All of my attention was on the scene in the distance as I tried to take it all in and understand exactly what I was seeing. It was so much worse than Avery made it seem. Something was down there, though. It was calling out to me, and I blinked, letting my eyes leave the city hall in search of whatever it was. My gaze roamed the large empty space in front of the building, blanketed in a layer of webbing, until it found my target. A fountain. There was a fountain down there, I realised as a slight smile appeared on my lips. I could use that. I would use it. Whats our goal? Issy asked, interrupting Avery. Do we have to capture the spiders, eradicate them, or focus on rescuing specific targets and civilians? Those were the normal directives we were given before a fight like the one before us, and they all seemed equally likely. Sometimes, especially when it was mutated animals or a potential alien terrorising a city, the science team asked us to capture them alive, which was always difficult. It was more tricky. It meant we had to get closer to them and use non-lethal force to simply incapacitate them rather than being able to use the full extent of our abilities, which was more difficult. It didnt feel natural, and we had to constantly be aware of what we were doing, which made it even harder to defeat them before they hurt others. I preferred that, though. It was harder, but I didnt like killing others. Even when it was an animal or an alien rather than a person, I still felt awful. I knew it was the only way sometimes. There were too many people in danger, or the risk was too high, but it still made me feel guilty. I liked to think there was always another way, but it wasnt always true. I knew that. Eradicate them. 4.29 Waiting. We didnt speak for a moment as we took in Averys words and scanned the swarming masses of web below, staring down at the oblivious spiders that wed soon be murdering. Well Alice thought. That certainly makes things easier, at least? I guess, Mel replied, but her reluctance was clear. I looked across at her, meeting her gaze and smiling supportively. She didnt like killing things either, especially not animals. It was harder for her than it was for me too. I just felt guilty when I had to do it, but Mel could understand animals to an extent. She could communicate with them and hear what they were saying. Obviously, she didnt completely follow every word. Their language structure was different to ours. That made it more difficult for her to grasp the meaning of what they were saying sometimes, but that didnt really matter. Shed told us before that it was hard not to understand them when they were screaming in pain or begging for mercy, something we couldnt give them. It was too dangerous; there was no way to ensure they wouldnt hurt others, and even if we let them live, the cleanup crew wouldnt. We would just be prolonging their suffering. Great, Issy said into the watch as we drifted even slower, ensuring to stay out of sight from the monsters below. Is there anything else we should know before we go in? I dont think so, Avery responded a little too quickly. We have a team prepping to go down into the tunnels once the situation is more under control to determine what happened down there. Well let you know before we send them in, of course, and the emergency evac team will be en route shortly to help any civilians in need of medical attention. Shes hiding something, Livvie told us, causing Issy to glance back at her. Anything else? she prompted. No, I think thats about it! Avery said, her tone bright. For now, just focus on taking down the spiders and rescuing anyone you come across! Any idea what shes hiding? Issy asked. Livvies face scrunched up in concentration. No, but theres something. I know there is. Her frustration was clear, and I completely understood why. Livvies power only really worked when she was talking to a person face to face. When she was on the phone or on comms, she could just pick up pieces of what the person was feeling, a general vibe to their words. It was easy for her to figure out when someone was lying to her or hiding something, but she couldnt exactly just read their mind to figure out what was going on, and that irritated her. I trusted her powers, though. If she felt like Avery was hiding something, she must have been. I had no clue what it was, but there had to be something more happening, something bigger than the giant spiders alone. My eyes scanned the city below, trying to find anything that felt out of place or concerning, but I found nothing. The city was surprisingly still, despite the hulking black shapes scurrying around. They were the only source of movement in the centre. There were no people, no cars. Only the spiders. I looked up, feeling someones eyes on me, and met Phoebes gaze. Her expression was troubled, concerned, and I knew she was worried about what Avery was hiding from us. She looked away, chewing on her lip as she watched one of the spiders. Are you sure you dont want to go home? I asked her, seeing the fear in her expression. No. Issy looked back over her shoulder at us, but Phoebe didnt meet her eye. She just continued to stare at the creatures below. As in No, youre not sure or No, you dont want to go home? she asked. No, was all Phoebe replied, but a hint of a smile appeared on her lips. That made me feel better. If she was joking around, that meant she wasnt too nervous. She got too serious whenever she was. You can do this, I told her. That made Phoebe look away from the spiders. She glanced up at me, her expression uncertain, and I pushed a confident smile onto my face. I knew she was strong enough to take the spiders down. She might have been scared of them, but that didnt matter. Shed fought things she was scared of before, and she always survived. She always won. And youre sure theres nothing else we need to be aware of or keep in mind? Issy asked. Nope, thats everything! Crack on! Avery cheered. Thoughts? Issy asked. Should I ask again? No. Dont bother, Livvie replied. She doesnt plan on telling us anything. Any idea why? Alice asked, fiddling nervously with her bracelet. None. I assume that answer is above our pay grade, Livvie thought, her voice taking on a slightly mocking tone as she imitated Avery. Issy snorted, and I felt my own lips twitch at Livvies terrible impression. I assumed if Issy were to push Avery, that would be the answer wed get. It happened far too often when we asked questions, and it wasnt our fault. We didnt mean to ask so many or to enquire about government secrets, and the team indulged us sometimes, telling us things we definitely werent meant to know, but there was a lot they concealed from us, sometimes even managing to shield the information from Livvies powers. She still generally got an idea of what it was, and she shared that information with us as soon as we were out of earshot. Surely, we had the right to know the answer to some of our questions, though. I mean, we should have been allowed to know what happened to the villains after theyd been captured, right? I mean, we were the ones that caught them in the first place. It seemed only fair that we should be aware of what they did with them once we handed them over. For all I knew, they were immediately set free. That did happen sometimes. Or maybe they broke free. Whatever it was that happened, wed had a few villains pop up more than once. They always recognised us, and they were never particularly happy when we showed up to foil their evil plans for a second time. Or third. But that didnt happen to all of them, and part of me longed to know where they went. Whenever we handed someone over to the enforcement and corrections team, a small voice in the back of my head always whispered that theyd just introduced them to their executioner. That was what I was worried about. That they were killed because of us. Or because of their actions, I guess, but we played a role in their deaths even if we werent the ones to kill them, and that still made me uncomfortable. It haunted me. It was their decisions, though. They were the ones who chose to hurt people and do villainous things, so maybe I shouldnt have felt as guilty. They must have known it was a risk, but they still chose to do it. Their deaths were merely a consequence of those decisions, and I knew some people argued they deserved it. Id seen that debate online before. Whenever we had to kill a person, when it was the only way to ensure others wouldnt die, it always circulated. People claimed that all villains, all monsters, should die. It was the only way to ensure they wouldnt continue to hurt people, but I didnt believe that. I couldnt. Surely, change had to be possible. They had to be able to get better and stop being evil. Maybe, with the right therapy and education or whatever it was that it took, they could learn not to want to hurt people. They could be shown that it was wrong to sacrifice others or experiment on them, and they would feel remorse for their actions. I wasnt sure if that was realistic, though. Maybe I was just overly idealistic and hadnt had the chance to become jaded and bitter, but I hoped it was true nonetheless. I assume so, Issy snorted, interrupting my thoughts. Anything else you want me to add? No, thats it, Livvie replied, her tone bordering on sulky. Okay, does anyone else have any other questions or anything? Nope, Phoebe thought as Mel shook her head, her eyes fixed on the city. Nah, Alice added. Issy glanced back at me. No, I dont think so, I told her before catching myself as something occurred to me. Oh, actually! Can you ask them to call my mom? Ive got an appointment with the medical team later, but I doubt well be finished here in time for me to get back to the school for her to pick me up. Ill just fly over to the hospital when were done. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. Got it, Issy thought. Thanks! Were going to touch down in a sec, but can you do us a favour, please, Avery? Issy said, shielding her watch from the wind once more. Of course, what do you need? came Averys immediate reply. Can you get a member of the team to phone Graces mom and make sure she knows not to pick Grace up for her doctors appointment later? Sure. Ill get someone on it now, Avery said. If the fight goes on too long, Ill have the appointment rescheduled for tomorrow and text you the details, Grace. Thank you, Avery! I thought, knowing Issy would pass the message on for me. Avery was a pain, but I couldnt deny she was thoughtful and good at her job. Grace says thank you. Oh, youre welcome, Grace! Avery said. You girls are always so polite! She wouldnt think that if she could hear our thoughts, Livvie shot back darkly, and I couldnt help the laugh that slipped from my mouth. Alright, well touch down in a sec. Keep us appraised of any new developments, please, Issy requested. There was no real need for her to say that. Avery always did, but Issy still asked every time. I wasnt sure if it was because she was worried that if she didnt, we might miss something important or if it had just become a habit for Issy. Of course. Good luck, girls! Ill unmute your mics as soon as you land, so if you need anything, just say! Thanks, Issy replied for us. Her hands slowly moved away from her mouth, and she took in the scene below as we came to a stop. The spiders didnt appear to have noticed us yet. It was a little hard to tell, even with our enhanced vision, but it seemed like none were looking up at us. They were all just continuing on in their quest to wrap the entire square in front of the city hall in a thick layer of web. They werent far from completing that goal, either. Can you feel anything from the spiders yet, Mel? Issy asked, keeping her eyes on the ground. Do you have any idea where they came from or whats caused them to attack? Or even what theyre trying to do? I added. Good question, Issy thought as she looked back at me and nodded. I dont know, Mel replied, her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to force her way into their minds. Im not really getting anything from them. Its kind of like the bears we fought a couple of months ago. I can only hear static. There was a slight pause before Issy nodded again, and I knew what she was thinking. Mels inability to hear those bears was a concern. It was the first time she hadnt been able to get anything from an animal, and no one had openly said it, but we were all worried that it was a sign of her powers wearing off. It wasnt possible, obviously. I was pretty sure that was what we all told ourselves, but we still worried about it. Other than them having something to do with the meteor wed found, we didnt understand where our powers had come from or even why wed been given them, and we hoped they were permanent, but there was no way to know for sure. The medical and science team had tested Mel, though. She could still understand most animals. There was just something about those bears that blocked her completely, and that was somehow both a relief and a concern. No one had been able to work out if it was intentional, if someone had created the bears and given them that protection, or just a fluke, but it worried us all. Okay, thats fine. Let us know if that changes when we get closer, Issy instructed. For now, well touchdown by the city hall. That makes the most sense; its where the majority of the spiders are located. Well do as Avery said and focus on taking down as many as possible and then spread out from there, but we have to be careful. They dont know what the spiders have done with the people theyve captured, so be careful with the webbing, especially on the dome. I dont trust it. Im not getting anything from there, Livvie thought. But then again, I cant really hear anything from the people in the city hall, so maybe the webs are dampening things and making it harder for me to hear their thoughts through? Maybe, Issy replied. Were still pretty far away, though. Perhaps itll get clearer for you when we get closer too. Yeah, maybe. Phoebe, for now, be careful with your fire, Issy warned, continuing her briefing. Spider webs arent particularly flammable, usually. They normally just melt, but I have no clue what to expect from these mutants, so I dont want to risk the fire catching and spreading too quickly. Got it, Phoebe confirmed. And, Grace. Stay close to Phoebe for now. If you see the webs begin to go up at all, douse it immediately. Dont even wait to see whatll happen. Just put it out, okay? Okay, I responded, shooting Phoebe a grin. She returned it immediately, her excitement overriding her previous fear. Fights were always more fun when we were paired up and got to work together. We were a good team. Obviously, I was close with all of the girls. They were my best friends, and we all worked well together, but it was different with Phoebe. Id known her forever, and shed always been my best friend. Alright. Is everyone ready? Issy asked. My heart leapt as anticipation jumped within me, and a strange realisation washed over me. I was excited to fight, obviously, but there was something else happening. A strange sense of calmness had settled over my mind. I was no longer nervous, really. I was just eager to get on the ground and begin taking down monsters, but my thoughts were strangely clear. They were focused; that was the difference. My mind wasnt racing. For once, it wasnt darting around, and it didnt feel so filled with thoughts that I was at risk of suffocating or exploding from the pressure of them all. I just felt calm, and that was a weird new experience for me. But that was how I always felt before a fight, I recalled, thinking back to the other battles wed fought in. It was a nice sensation, one I missed as soon as the fight ended and it was gone. My mind just became so quiet and under control, and I could just exist without feeling restless or like I was struggling to keep up with the speed of my thoughts, and that made me a little jealous. The emotion was distant and barely noticeable, but I knew it came from the other version of me. The real one. I never got to feel like that in reality, and I didnt even know it was possible. I thought the constant motion of my brain was normal, that everyones thoughts raced all the time, and their minds were never quiet for even a moment. It wasnt until I experienced the difference, until I got a brief taste of the peace I could have, that I realised I longed for it. Ready! my team chorused, and I hurried to join in. Alright, Issy replied, beginning to tip forward. Then, lets go! She rotated slowly, and I did the same. My body moved instinctively, without conscious thought, and in a matter of milliseconds, I was falling towards the ground. We plunged through the sky, aiming for the stone clearing in front of the city hall, and the wind tore at my skin. My hair streamed out behind me, the sensation more violent than it had been when we were flying, but it felt fantastic. Pure joy spread through me, and my heart leapt into my throat as we plummeted lower and lower. Too soon, the ground rushed up to meet us. We waited until the last possible moment before pulling up. My body turned suddenly, and my feet slammed into the concrete with a force that would have shattered my ankles a year ago, but I felt no pain. The stone slabs below cracked, but the sound was barely audible. The plush carpet of webbing dulled the noise. It dulled the sensation, making it much less satisfying, but I ignored my brief flare of disappointment as I leapt into position, my back to the team. I scanned the scene, taking in the tall buildings on either side of us, almost entirely covered in web, and the spiders scurrying over them. The rapid burst of a camera shutter sounded, and frustration sparked within me. The urge to look around for whoever it was that was foolish enough to be wasting time taking photos of us rather than fleeing for safety rose within me, but I forced myself to ignore it. If I were to look at them, theyd become a target for the creatures. My gaze would give away their position, and the spiders would pounce immediately. That was what had happened last time, anyway. I wasnt willing to risk it happening again. The screams of the woman Id looked at, that Id told to run still echoed in my ears, and I tried to push it away, focusing on the spiders. They were more important. If I fought them, took them down, the idiot taking photos would be safe. A chill slipped down my spine as I looked around again. The spiders had fallen still. Theyd stopped moving, frozen entirely. The hairs on their legs and bodies still moved in the breeze. Wisps of web floated across the clearing, but there was no other motion, and it felt wrong. I turned my head slowly, not wanting to make any sudden movements in case it broke the spell that had settled over the spiders and caused them to attack, but they just continued to stare. Many glossy eyes stared at us, and I took a deep breath as I realised just how many creatures there were around us. There were so many out in the open, within view, but that wasnt. More hid in the shadows, watching us and just waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Your microphones are all unmuted now, came a jarringly loud voice in my ear. If you need anything, just ask! Averys voice made me jump, and fear bubbled in my stomach, but still, the spiders didnt move. Mel Issy started, a hint of worry creeping into her voice. Whats going on? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mels head move as she looked around, trying to figure it out. I longed to glance at her, to see her facial expression so I could work out what she was feeling, but I couldnt tear my eyes from the nearest creature. The spiders had mostly left the centre of the quad clear, but it was still too close. I dont know. Im still not getting much, but Mel hesitated for a moment. I think theyre waiting for something. Another shudder tore through me. Waiting? I repeated, unable to stop myself. What are they waiting for? There was a pause as Mel tried desperately to find an answer to my question, but I wasnt sure if I even wanted one. I had no clue what she might say, and that only made me more anxious. Im not sure. A signal or something, I think? Mel responded. So what do we do? Phoebe asked. Should we just wait until they attack, or should we strike first? I think Issy started, but she was cut off as the spiders moved suddenly. A ripple seemed to travel through them, shaking their bodies and causing the webs to tremble. My muscles tensed, preparing to spring into action, as I watched them move as one. Their front legs were lifted into the air, but that was it. They didnt pounce or dive towards us. They just stood there with their legs held over the webs, poised and ready to act. Whats happening? I asked, but before Mel could answer, a terrible clicking noise split the air. It was deafening. The sound came from all directions, echoing against the buildings, and I lifted my hands to my ears, trying to block it out. It didnt help, though. The noise still managed to find its way in, and I started to think, started to form another question to Mel, but it was too late. The spiders slammed their front legs down, crashing them into the webs again and again. The rhythmic pounding threatened to drown out the clicking sound they were still making, and I staggered, struggling to keep my balance as the webs beneath my feet shook violently. Before I could regain my footing, the spiders pounced. 4.30 We use science on this team. They moved fast, faster than I thought was possible. I stumbled, trying to regain my footing, but the webbing that coated the floor was still shaking, making it impossible. Fear pierced my heart as my mind raced, trying to work out what to do, but a shout echoed through my mind before I could figure it out. Into the air! My body reacted, automatically following Issys orders, and I leapt as high as I could into the air. It was a messy takeoff, one I wasnt even slightly prepared for, but it worked nevertheless. I was airborne, floating above the spiders, and somehow, over the scuttling of hundreds of feet hurrying towards us, I heard the click of a camera shutter again. Despite everything, I felt embarrassment flare within me. I should have been focused on the spiders, but instead, all I could think about was the picture the photographer had just caught. It occupied my mind far more than it should have. How bad had my takeoff been? Was it just me, or had some of the other girls struggled too? I wasnt sure, and I was torn between hoping they had but also that they hadnt. I could feel that they were all in the air so it couldnt have been that terrible, and it wasnt that I wanted something bad to happen to my team, obviously. I just didnt want to be the one to mess up again. I could still remember what happened last time. My picture had been plastered across the news sites and social media for a week, and it hadnt even been that bad. I just hadnt seen the puddle of grease when I was running, and my feet slipped right out from under me. I barely even realised what was happening until I landed on my ass, and every single time I went on my phone, I was confronted with that image of myself. My face burned, but luckily, motion at the edge of my vision caught my eye. I spun, rolling away from the mass of black legs that had flung itself at me. A sickening crunch came from below, and my heart leapt into my throat. I couldnt help but turn to look at the ground. I knew that I should have kept moving, but I had to know that I hadnt just killed one of my friends. The noise Id heard, the wet smash of bodies colliding, could have covered the sound of their screams, and Id never know. I had to. My eyes scanned the dark mass on the ground, but all I could see was a tangle of thick bodies and long, hairy legs. My heart began to race, and I felt myself sink a little lower as I caught sight of something light in the middle of the mess, but I couldnt see anything more than a flash of white. Was it just the webs or was it one of my team? It could be part of them; a leg or an arm, maybe. Desperation started to grow within me as I moved even closer, staying just out of reach of the spiders below, but I still couldnt see anything else. My head snapped up, my eyes scanning the skies as I searched. If I could see them all, I told myself, Id say something. Otherwise, Id sound foolish. Theyd know I was worrying over nothing, and there was no need for that. I didnt want anyone to know just how ridiculous I was being. Relief smashed into me as I quickly caught sight of the others, and I felt a sigh slip from my lips as I began to rise again. It was fine, I realised. I was being silly, and I should have known better. We may have never fought giant spiders before, but wed fought other monsters. The spiders would be easy to bring down. A shadow fell over me, and I glanced up just in time to see a ball of web flying towards me. I threw myself to the side, the movement clumsy, but it worked. The white shape sailed past me, crashing into the creatures below and causing a clicking sound to flare up for just a moment. Heads up, theyre shooting webs at us! I cried as I dodged again. One of the trailing white, wispy strands caught on my arm, pulling at the hairs. I rubbed it away quickly, grimacing at the sensation. The feel of spiderwebs on my skin had always been something I hated. Without fail, it sent a shiver down my spine every time. Its not just webs, Mel sent back. Theyre also firing, AH Panic shot through me as Mels scream echoed in my head, and I looked around desperately, trying to find her. She was nowhere to be seen, though. Mel? I shouted. Mel! Where are you? Acid, fucking acid, came her voice. She sounded disgusted but not particularly pained. Why does every damn creature have acid now? I just got hit in the face again. Be careful below! Issy called as the body of a spider dropped towards the ground. Are you okay? Fine, Mel replied sarcastically. I mean, I probably wont be back in school before Christmas, but I dont even care anymore. Maybe Ill just drop out FUCK! That one hurt! Confusion tugged at the back of my mind as I spun again, grabbing onto the back legs of one of the spiders clinging to the buildings around us. My eyes stayed on the ball of web it was weaving as I pulled it away, breaking its grip on the building before letting go. It began to fall immediately, but I didnt stop. I was already hurtling towards the next spider. It hurt? Issy asked, her voice sharp. Are you okay? Yeah. I mean, it didnt properly hurt. It just stung. There was a slight pause before Issy replied. Come up here. Let me check on you. Im fine, Mel replied, her tone reluctant. Mel. A smirk appeared on my lips as I dropped another spider. There was no arguing with Issy when she used that tone. She may have been the same age as us, but she seemed older. There was something about her, a maturity or something, that made her the obvious leader, and she assumed the role automatically. No one even tried to suggest an alternative. I kept my eye on Mel as she shot towards Issy. She paused in front of her for a moment, and I downed another few spiders as I waited to hear if she was okay. She would be, though. Nothing properly hurt us. See, Im fine, Mel thought, her voice taking on an almost sulky edge. Mmmm, Issy replied uncertainly. Youre not bleeding, but it looks like your skin is starting to turn shiny already. Keep an eye on it, and try not to get hit in the face again. The moment Issy stopped thinking, Mel began to fly away. She caught my eye as she hurried back towards the huddle of spiders shed been fighting before, pulling a face at me. I dont plan to, she replied. It tastes awful, by the way. No one get that stuff in your mouth. A snort escaped me before I could stop it. I wasnt planning on it, I thought with a smirk. Wait Phoebe begun. Is that the third time youve been hit in the face in three fights? There was a slight pause, and I waited for Mel to reply, already knowing what shed say. I guess so? Huh. New record, Phoebe teased. Maybe you should start looking where youre going. I do! Mel argued. Careful! Livvie shouted before Phoebe could reply. I threw the final spider from the building before turning slowly. My eyes found Mel and Livvie, taking them in. A steaming trail of spiders surrounded Livvie, but her eyes were no longer burning. Mel was in the air, but she must have just taken off because she was still low. She was still moving upwards too Did you just step in front of Livvies lasers? I asked slowly. No! Yes, you did, Livvie replied at the same time, her tone flat and unimpressed. Barely, Mel lied. Plus, its fine. They dont hurt me. A sigh echoed through my head, and I glanced up at Issy. She shook her head, her eyes still on Mel and Livvie, before meeting my gaze. Have we cleared enough space for you? she asked. Excitement fluttered in my chest, and a grin appeared on my lips. Yes! Issys laugh was audible despite how far away she was. Alright. Phoebe, when youre ready, get up here too. Once Grace has the water at the ready, you can start burning things, she thought. Coming! came Phoebes excited response. Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. She shot away from the building opposite me, a huge smile on her face, and I returned it as I threw myself into the air again. We raced towards each other, aiming for the space above the centre of the stone quad. It seemed fairly safe there. The square was big enough that we didnt need to be too high in the air. It was unlikely that the spiders would be able to fling themselves far enough from the tops of the surrounding buildings to land on us, but even if they tried, I knew Phoebe would get them before they reached either of us. Her reflexes were great. It was safer to be higher, obviously, but I needed to be closer to the ground. That made it way easier to feel the water below the ground. I already knew it was there, though. Id seen the fountain as we approached, so all I needed to do was trace it back to the pipes below, and that wouldnt be too hard. Phoebe reached the centre before me and turned, scanning the scene around us. Her shoulders heaved as she floated, but I wasnt sure whether it was from exertion or excitement. It could have been either. Using our powers was always fun. It felt so good, so natural. It was like we were doing the one thing wed been created to do. Ready? I asked as I reached Phoebe and turned my back to her. I am so ready. Lets do this! she cheered. Exhaling slowly, I glanced around, checking our surroundings one last time before letting my eyes flutter shut and reaching out with my mind. It was a strange sensation. It felt simultaneously bizarre and hard whilst also being easy. One version of me was used to it. Id done it many times before, but for the other me, the real one, it was entirely new. My awareness seemed to flow outwards. It reached past me, washing over the rest of my teammates who were in the air around us before reaching the spiders. Part of me recoiled instinctively. I didnt want to touch them, to feel how wrong they felt. All creatures normally felt weird, and it never got any easier. Id yet to get used to the sensation, and I wasnt sure if I ever would. It sent ice down my spine and took all of my willpower to keep going. I didnt want to, but I forced myself to do it. The water below called out to me, coaxed me onwards, and I allowed myself to be tempted by it. It always helped, anyway. I knew the moment I found the water, it would wash away all other sensations, and suddenly, the spiders wouldnt feel so bad. Id barely even notice them. A loud crunch came from below, accompanied by a yelp, and my eyes almost opened automatically. I longed to check on my teammates, to make sure that they were okay, but if I did, my focus would be broken. Id need to start again, and that would waste even more time. Are you okay, Alice? Issy asked. Yeah, fine, she replied. The fucking acid. I told you! Mel cried. See! Im not the only one who gets hit with this stuff! Centring myself again, I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. My hands curled into fists at my side, and I poured my attention back into the world around me, seeking out the water below. I could feel it down there. I was so close to locating the pipes snaking below the stone slabs, but they were just out of reach. Gritting my teeth, I strained to grasp it. It was difficult. We were too high in the air, but then something gave. My breath escaped my lips in a stuttering exhale as I finally wrapped my mind around the wall of water below. It felt unmovable, as solid as the stone itself, but I knew that wasnt true. It was soft and malleable, just waiting for me to seize it. All I needed to do was find a way for the water to escape, and then Id be able to bend it to my will. The pipes they were old. They must have been placed a long time ago. Decades, maybe. I could feel how fragile they were, how worn down and thin theyd become in places. Once I found the right place, I could allow the water pressure to build up and give it a little push and then Triumph exploded in my chest as another crashing sound came from below, accompanied by angry clicking, but it didnt matter to me. The noise was distant. I barely even heard it. All of my focus was on the section of pipe I had just found. It was so weak, so ready to give way, but that wasnt what brought a smile to my lips. No. That was the realisation that there wasnt just one area that was weak enough to blow. There were many. All they needed was a little push, and I was more than happy to do that. Watch out, I warned the others. The waters ready to blow! Into the air! Keeping my focus on the pipes below, I allowed my eyes to open. For a moment, my vision swan. The colours were distorted, darker and more shadowy than they truly were. It looked as though I was deep underwater, staring up at the distant light on the surface, but it cleared quickly. I waited until my team were off the ground, continuing to press gently on the weak areas, and within seconds, they were clear. Reaching my hands out, I gathered as much energy, power, magic, or whatever it was, into my chest before slamming them downwards. I was still in the air, high above the water. My hands didnt touch anything, not physically anyway, but I felt the impact. Part of me rushed downwards, breaking through the stone and slamming into the water. My heart pounded with excitement as a series of cracks split the air. Chunks of paving slabs were thrown upwards, and the webbing coating them tore. Wind, controlled by Issy, whisked them away, revealing the shattered flooring below, but it was almost impossible to see it beneath the spiders that were thrown into the sky. I watched as they hurtled through the air, occasionally being flung into one of the geysers of water that continued to gush. Their legs scrambled, spasming wildly as they fought not to get caught by the water, but it was too strong. It couldnt stop itself from being carried away by the pressure. The spider soared in a wide arch before crashing into another that had been racing towards it. They both went down, but neither moved again. Even more spiders were thrown into the air. Theyd been moving too quickly to stop themselves before they hit the jets, and I smiled, reaching out again. My hand curled into a fist again as I gripped the water, preparing to attack. It was ready. I could feel the energy within it thrashing restlessly. It longed for me to push more power into it and wield it, but I paused, glancing back over my shoulder at Phoebe. Burn it, I said. Phoebe didnt even hesitate. The moment the words left my mouth, her eyes began to glow. It looked as though a fire had been lit within her, and she turned away again, a smile on her lips as she flung a hand out towards the nearest spider. It was engulfed in flames. A clicking shriek escaped it as it fell from the building, its legs curling. It dropped quickly, turning to ash before it had the chance to hit the ground. The embers landed on a scrap on web, still glowing, and I thrust a hand towards them. One of the geysers twisted, shooting down towards the ground rather than into the air, extinguishing the embers before they had the chance to catch. She didnt wait, though. Phoebe had already moved on to the next spider. It was wrapped in a flaming vortex. Fire whipped out around it, causing the webs to melt. Some of it was starting to burn, though. The very edges were beginning to smoke, and I knew theyd be alight in seconds. Careful! I cried as I pushed the water towards it. The web burns! Oh boo, Phoebe replied. Fine, fine. Ill pull back a little. The vortex calmed slightly. It continued to incinerate the spider inside, but it was less violent, less dangerous. Thank you, I started to think before my attention was captured by something else. There was that sound again, the mechanical click which didnt seem to come from the spiders. My head whipped around, trying to locate the source without actually looking at them. Was the photographer still there? That seemed stupid. Surely, they would have run the moment the spiders began to attack. I was conflicted, torn between wanting to continue ignoring their presence whilst also being worried about them. We were meant to help people, to save them if they needed it, and the spiders seemed to have become more vicious since they started attacking. I wasnt sure what would have happened if theyd found the photographer, but it felt wrong to risk it. I needed to do something. Livvie, I thought as I extinguished another potential wildfire. Im pretty sure theres a photographer somewhere here. I keep hearing their camera. Any idea where they are? Above me, I saw Livvie come to a stop. Her eyes were wide as she scanned the buildings around us, ignoring the spiders that were still swarming. Im not sure, she replied. I can feel people somewhere, but its hard to pinpoint them. Why? Issy asked, her voice sharp. I dont know. I think its the webs. They seem to be blocking me or something. I can barely even hear the people in the town hall. My eyebrows pulled together as I glanced at the building. Really? I asked. How many people are in there? No clue. Ill ask Avery, Issy said. Thanks. Avery, how many people are in the town hall? came Issys distant voice. After hearing her in my head for so long, it was a little weird to hear her normal voice. It didnt sound quite right. We estimate theres somewhere between one and two hundred, but its difficult to get a firm number, Avery replied instantly. Their paperwork is a mess, so we have no clue how many people are currently employed there, not to mention the visitors! Great, thanks. You should be able to hear that many, right? I asked, ignoring Averys continued ramblings. Like, even if the webs are dampening it, their thoughts should still come through, shouldn''t they? Yeah. Phoebe glanced back at me, her expression a little concerned. Im sure once the webs are cleared, itll be fine, she thought, but she sounded doubtful. Probably, Livvie replied. Ill do a lap, get a little closer to the buildings and see if I can find the photographer. Great, thanks, I said. And if they have ugly photos of us on their camera, Ill make sure to accidentally break it. Livvie! Issy cried. Im kidding, Im kidding, she replied reassuringly, sending me a wink as she shot past. Okay, good. Keep an eye on the roofs as you go. Somehow, more spiders keep appearing there. Its like theyre spawning in or something, Issy muttered. Phoebe spun around, her mouth opening, and I couldnt help but laugh at the indignation on her face. The fire behind her began to spin out of control again, and I doused it quickly before the webs could burn too badly. Spawning in? Phoebe repeated. Really, Issy? Whatever happened to this isnt a video game, Phoebe. Creatures dont just appear out of nowhere, huh? Well Issy started to say as she manipulated the wind to pull some of the webbing off one of the buildings. I thought we were better than that. We use science on this team, remember? None of this is magic or video game stuff. Its all real. Isnt that what you said? I did, but But the moment giant spiders come into play, you take it all back? A laugh came from below as Mel spun out of the way of a pouncing spider. I understood Phoebes outrage, even if it was feigned. Shed compared one of the creatures wed fought a little while back to a boss from a video game we played years ago, and Issy had teased her for it. It wasnt cruel or rude, but I could tell Phoebe was enjoying getting back at her for it. Well I think Ive found them! Livvie cried, saving Issy from having to come up with an explanation. Theres someone in here! Are there any spiders? Issy replied, sounding grateful for the change of subjects. I''m not sure I think so! Get them out of there! she ordered. Without hesitation, Livvie burst through the window. A tinkling sound filled the quad as broken glass rained towards the floor, but it was barely audible over the roar of the fire and the rushing water. A spider leapt towards the hole in the window, clearly intending to follow Livvie, but I caught it before it could. The spider was crushed against the glass before it could get through. The legs twitched a few times before falling still, but another spider took its place. I washed it away, slamming it into the ground with my water before glancing at the hole again. You found them, Livvie? I asked. 4.31 A fault in the system Anxiety began to pull at me as we waited for Livvie to reply, and my eyes flicked between the hole in the window shed disappeared through and the other girls. It had only been seconds, but I was still worried, and I knew the others were too. They were barely paying attention to the spiders still filling the quad. One of the creatures was sneaking up behind Alice, I realised. She was distracted, too busy focusing on the one spider she was fighting whilst also anxiously waiting for Livvie to say something, anything. She hadnt noticed it, and it was so close to her. Venom dripped from its fangs as it reared back, preparing to strike, but Alice was too late. She started to turn, her eyes widening in shock, and I knew she wouldnt be able to do it in time. She wouldn''t be able to dodge or hit it, but I was ready. My hand shot forward, bending the nearest jet of water and sending it shooting towards the spider. It was thrown back into another with an audible crunch, and I winced as they were both smashed against one of the buildings. A wave of guilt rose within me, warring with the excitement and celebration I felt exploding in my chest and slowly filling my body. It was wrong to feel happy that I was killing anything, but using my powers felt fantastic. It always did, and that made me feel so conflicted. Thanks! Alice thought, leaping to the side and slamming a creature into the ground. Why are there no roots under this damn city? Ive been trying to find them since we got here, and got it! She jumped into the air, glancing towards the shattered window before reaching out. Id seen her summon plants many times before, but it was still cool to watch, despite my growing anxiety. A slight smile appeared on her lips, the expression tight, before a series of cracks sounded. Panicked clicks came from the spiders as thick dark roots began to appear through the gaps in the stone slabs, bursting through the webs. They reached towards a group of spiders, like snakes diving towards their prey, wrapping around their legs. I felt almost bad for the spiders as the noises they were making became even more frantic. The vines were reaching higher and higher, rendering the spiders immobile. They fought to break free, but it was impossible. The plants were too strong. The grip they had on the creatures couldnt be broken. Alices hands turned to fists, and she yanked them back. I winced, knowing what would follow, watching as the spiders continued to struggle. A sharp, rigid root shot forward, piercing the first spiders body and causing it to fall still immediately. The other three spiders grew louder, their bodies twitching violently as they tried to escape the roots that had entrapped them, but they couldnt. There was nothing they could do to avoid death. Livvie, I could really do with you out here, Alice thought, a worried edge to her voice. I trap them, you laser them. Thats how we do this, right? She was met with silence. I glanced at the gap in the building again, feeling fear bubble in my stomach. Livvie hadnt answered anyone since she went in. I hoped she was just distracted, that there were webs inside and the stupid photograph had gotten trapped in them or something. Maybe she was just paying too much attention to carefully trying to get them free without hurting them or getting stuck herself, and that meant she couldnt focus enough to think anything to us. But I was starting to get concerned. More than just starting to. I was worried, really scared for Livvie, but I clung to hope, needing to believe that she was okay. She would be. I was sure of it. Maybe the webs just blocking us, Phoebe thought hopefully, but the anxiety in her tone was too audible. She did say she couldnt really hear anyone in the town hall through it, so maybe its just blocking our powers or something? Yeah, maybe Issy replied. It was clear she didnt really believe Phoebes explanation, though. There was a moment of silence as she ripped a spider in half with a brutal gust of wind, and I glanced around again. My eyes found a creature that had appeared on the top of the building. Its legs were moving fast as it weaved a bundle of web to throw at us. I pushed my mind into the water again, causing the nearest geyser grow even more energetic. It stretched high into the air, curving gently before crashing down on the spider and washing it off the building. The water caused some of the webbing to come loose, being washed away from the glass front in a disgusting matted ball of white. I had to look away as nausea threatened me. I wasnt sure why it was so sickening to me, but I couldnt help imagining how that would feel against my skin. Avery, Issy called, her voice loud in my earpiece. Can you hear anything from Livvie? She went into the building above the what is that? A pizza place? I dont know. I cant see the name of it, but its on the south side. She went in there like a minute ago to rescue a person, but shes stopped responding to us. What? Avery replied sharply. Which pizza place? Do we have eyes in there? No, its obviously not that one. Thats not surrounding the quad! It was directly off the main square, right? Yeah, Issy confirmed. My body felt tense as I waited for the response, waiting as Phoebe burnt a spider. In its panic, it had run, leaving a trail of burning web that I quickly smothered before looking around again. Avery was taking too long to reply. She must have muted herself whilst talking to someone else in the control room, and that made me nervous. What could she possibly be saying to them, and why didnt she want us to hear it? No, we dont have access to any of the security cameras in there, she told us after far too long a pause. John managed to get access to their server and found recordings from eleven thirty today but nothing later. Either the cameras were switched off, or the latest recording just hasnt been uploaded for remote access yet. Which seems more likely? Issy asked. Avery hesitated again. If theyd been turned off intentionally, that probably meant wed found the person behind the attack. They must have either turned the cameras off in a desperate attempt to hide what they were doing, or they might have still been in the building for some reason. It wasnt a bad vantage point. It had a good view of the town hall, after all. But then, why had they been taking photos? Id heard them; I knew I had. Why would they be taking photos of us rather than just revelling in the success of their attack or whatever it was villains normally did before we found them during the fight? It seemed weird. Intentional, maybe. Had they been trying to lure one of us in? Then what? What was their plan after they succeeded, and why was Livvie still not responding to us? If she could hear us, she would have responded. I knew that, but I was also almost certain that nothing could have happened to her. She was so strong, and she could hear peoples thoughts. She would have heard the villains gleeful celebrations before she found them. Even if the webs had been blocking her and making it impossible to hear anything through the building, surely that would have stopped the moment she crossed the threshold. Once she was actually in the building, through the webs, they shouldnt have continued to block her, should they? She would have heard them. But what if it happened too quickly, a voice in the back of my mind whispered. What if she burst through the window, and they were there, waiting for her? They could have attacked before she had the chance to realise what was going on. I started to drift closer to the window, just in case. I was still fairly far away, but if something had happened to Livvie in there and we had to go and rescue her, I wanted to be closer. It wouldnt come to that, I tried to tell myself. Livvie was probably going to burst out any second, carrying the terrified photographer. Everything would be fine. A spider dashed across the side of the building, racing towards the hole, but my water was ready. It crushed the spider, causing the glass beneath to shatter from the impact. I was losing control. I knew the glass was there, and I should have been more careful. I didnt want to cause too much avoidable damage to the buildings. That was the kind of thing a villain did, and I knew the city might not be able to afford to pay for everything to be fixed. Wed been warned about that before. I floated closer to the building, feeling Phoebe do the same. She continued to fight the spiders on the ground, setting them alight and reducing them to ash, but I couldnt do the same. Instead, all I could do was stare at the hole. Something about it was wrong, I realised as I moved nearer. I wasnt particularly close still, and I was too high to see through it properly, but something wasnt right. It was entirely dark in there. More than just a normal level, too. I couldnt see anything. Perhaps it was just the angle that made it seem so gloomy in there, I told myself, but I knew there was something else going on. It didnt seem natural. It was as though there was a pitch-black wall on the other side of the window. No light penetrated it at all, and it should have. It was the middle of the afternoon. The sun was still high in the sky, and there were barely any clouds. Most of the webbing had been washed away by me just moments before, and the hole Livvie had made in the glass was fairly big. I should have been able to see something, even if it was just a small scrap of carpet or wooden floor, but there was nothing. Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! Guys I think something weirds going on in there, I thought, moving closer still. The urge to just dive in pulled at me. It might have been just a trick of the light or something that was making the building look strange, but I was becoming more and more convinced that there was more going on, and that meant Livvie could be in danger. She was in danger. We think its most likely just a fault with the system, Avery said, but she wasnt able to hide the anxiety in her voice. We dont see anything suspicious, and there are a few gaps over the last few days, but weve requested backup, just in case. The military helicopter is about five minutes away. I looked back at Phoebe before glancing down at Issy and the others. I could tell we were all thinking the same thing. That wasnt fast enough. If something had happened to Livvie, if the person or people in there had advanced enough tech to create and control the spiders, to hide from us and throw up that barrier, Livvie might need backup. Livvie, please tell me you can hear us, Mel thought desperately. Once again, no answer came. The silence in my head felt deafening, and anxiety wrapped even more tightly around my chest, making it hard to breathe. I needed to do something, needed to help Livvie. Im going in, Issy thought before I could. Its probably nothing. Im sure it is, but I just want to check. Keep fighting the spiders out here, and then free the people in the town hall. Dont follow me unless Let me go, Alice thought, shooting forward. We need you out here. No, its Issy started to think, but she didnt have time to finish the sentence. Alice was closer to the building. Shed been drifting nearer, just like I had, and before Issy had a chance to finish telling her not to go, shed disappeared through the hole. I held my breath, watching as Alices body vanished from sight. Movement from above caught my eye, and I managed to dodge just in time as a spider plummeted towards me. It must have thrown itself from the top of the building, but I hadnt even noticed it appear up there. Wetness splattered against my face as it passed, its legs reaching out towards me, trying to pull me down with it, but I was out of reach. The venom burned my skin, and a twinge of distant fear sparked in the back of my mind. I could feel my hand reaching towards my face, but it was like a shadow. It wasnt my current hand, but one in another world. The real world. I could just about feel my skin under my fingertips as I checked to make sure it wasnt bubbling and blistering. It could have been. Some injuries had somehow passed between the worlds, like the time I was shot, and I had no idea how Id explain it to my mom if my real face started to burn, but it felt fine. I was pretty sure it did, anyway. Alice? Issy asked. Whats happening in there? Can you see Livvie? I couldnt breathe as I waited for her response. She was fine, though. They both would be, I told myself. They were Shooting Stars, after all. We were pretty much invincible. Sure, wed gotten injured a couple of times, but it was never anything big. It was always just superficial. Wed been shot at, set on fire, and someone had even thrown a grenade at us once, but the worst thing that ever happened was a bit of a burn and a headache. Even that wasnt too bad, though. It went away in less than ten minutes, so they had to be fine. There was nothing anyone could do to us that would kill us. Can you hear me now? Alice replied, her voice distant and quiet. A sob escaped my lips, and I pressed a hand to my mouth, trying to hold it back. Yes! Issy almost screamed. Whats going on in there? Can you see Livvie? Tears streamed down my face as I took down another spider that had been racing toward Mel. My movements were mechanical, and I was barely paying any attention to what I was doing. I was too distracted by trying to make sure I didnt miss anything Alice said. No. I have no clue where she is, but its weird in here. Weird, how? I asked immediately. Do you need us to come in? A voice came from elsewhere as Alice paused, but I didnt really hear it. I was pretty sure it was my mother, but I couldnt respond. I didnt want to leave the world for even a second in case something happened or I needed to go after Alice and Livvie. No, I dont think so Its just empty in here. I dont know how long the villain was planning this, but theres literally nothing in any of these rooms. My heart clenched slightly. Nothing? Issy asked. Avery said they had cameras there earlier today, just a few hours ago she said they didnt see anything strange. A few hours? Alice repeated. That cant be right. This place is dusty. No ones been here for weeks. I glanced over my shoulder at Phoebe, meeting her gaze. She looked just as concerned as I felt, and I knew she was wondering the same thing I was. How could that be possible? Surely, Avery and the team would have said something about the place being empty or they would have noticed if the images looked weird, like if theyd been faked or something. They were good. They knew what they were doing. What about Livvie? Do you know where she is? Issy asked, flying closer to the building. No. But I think she might be ahead. I hear people. A lump of fear lodged itself in my throat, and I swallowed hard, trying to force it down as I drifted even closer. Issy and I were almost within reach of the glass. We were so close, but it was still impossible to see anything through the hole. People? How many? Is there a fight going on? I asked, the questions tumbling out before I could stop them. No, I dont think so. I can just hear movement, Alice told us. It doesnt sound like theyre moving particularly fast, but I think theres a lot. Wait! Issy thought suddenly, causing me to look at her. Wait for us. You might need backup. She looked conflicted, though. I knew she wanted to go in and help Livvie and Alice, but her eyes darted towards the town hall. We needed to save everyone. It was stupid, foolish, but that was our mission. We had no clue what was happening in either building. Perhaps Livvie was fine, and everyone in the town hall was being murdered. We couldnt risk it. Ill go, I said, not wanting Alice to hear me. You stay out here with the others and deal with the spiders. Issy opened her mouth to respond, but Alices voice came before she could. Im not waiting. Im almost at the door now, and oh god. What? Issy asked sharply, her head snapping around to face the window again. What is it? Is it Livvie? I added. Alices hushed tone terrified me. Id never heard her sound so terrified before, and I couldnt stop myself from moving into position, preparing to burst through the hole. Something had happened, and I had to do something. Alice? Issy cried. Whats happening in there? A strange high-pitched sound seemed to come from within the building. It echoed through my brain, making my teeth feel like they were vibrating, and I clapped my hands to my ears, trying to block it out. The sound still found a way in. It drowned out everything else, making it impossible to do anything other than groan with pain. But as suddenly as it started, the sound stopped. The unexpected silence left my ears ringing, and I shook my head, trying to clear it. I was about to do something, about to go find Livvie and Alice and whatever else was in the building. I needed to focus, needed to pull it together. I started to lunge forward, pushing myself towards the gaping hole in the glass, but I didnt get far. Something slammed into me. A wave of pure energy threw me backwards, sucking the oxygen from my lungs and throwing me through the air. I could feel myself moving, feel the wind rushing past me, but there was nothing I could do. My head was spinning, and my brain couldnt form any thoughts, much less work out what happened to me. The world began to blur as dizziness wrapped around me. My surroundings became fuzzy; they felt less real, and I fought desperately to keep my grip on it. I couldnt leave, not yet. I had to stay and fight the spiders. I had to find Livvie and Alice and make sure they were alright. If I left I crashed into the ground. The small amount of oxygen that I didnt know was still in my body left me in a whoosh, and pain exploded in my chest. The webbing on the ground should have caught me, should have protected me from the impact, but it did nothing. I tried to suck in a breath, but my body rebelled. My lungs spasmed, refusing to work, and panic spiked within me. Did the fall do something bad? The question seemed to ricochet around my mind as I attempted to breathe again. That could happen. My lungs could have been crushed, or perhaps a rib broke and speared it. Maybe Id ever be able to suck in another breath again, and I was about to die. Id choke to death, suffocate, and there was nothing I could do about it. There was noise. Someone shouted my name, and commotion roared in my ear, but it was drowned out by my dry, hacking coughs as I fought to breathe. It was painful. My chest burned from a lack of oxygen, but no matter how hard I tried, nothing happened. Nothing stopped the agony. Grace! a familiar voice screamed. Phoebes panicked face appeared above me, and I blinked, taking in how terrified she looked. I needed to speak, needed to say something to reassure her, but I couldnt. I opened my mouth, tried to tell her I was okay, but my words came out as a wheezing cough. The world swam; tears obscured my vision, making it impossible to see anything other than Phoebes face and the occasional flare of light behind her. I had no clue what the light was. My mind couldnt process it, and I couldnt force my eyes to focus on it as I stared up at Phoebe, trying desperately to suck in air. Youre okay. Youre okay, she told me, her voice sounding strange and high-pitched. Youre completely fine, just winded, right? You just need a minute, and then youll be okay. Phoebe, behind you! someone cried. The volume of their shout made me wince, and the movement reignited the fire burning in my chest as Phoebe glanced over her shoulder. She threw a hand back, sending a tunnel of fire towards an approaching spider, but she didnt even watch it burn. Shed already looked away, her tear-filled eyes finding my face again. Grace, please. Breathe, she begged. I tried to follow her instructions, managing to inhale a little before it caught in my chest and made me cough. That was an improvement, though. It was better, and the moment I stopped hacking, I tried again. Im okay, I managed to croak, my head still throbbing. Oh, god! Phoebe cried, bursting into tears as she threw her arms around me. I thought you were dead! Shes okay! Phoebe told the others as she clung to me. My arms felt like they were made of lead as I slowly lifted them to hug her back. The movement caused tears to well in my eyes, and I gritted my teeth against the onslaught of pain, but it was starting to ease. My chest still burned, and my head was spinning, but it was getting better. Im alive. Sorry for scaring you, I thought. Wheres Issy? Is she okay? 4.32 What if? Panic gripped me as I waited for someone to tell me what had happened to Issy. Shed been right beside me before wed gotten knocked back, and Id not heard her voice since then. Was she okay? Had she hit the ground just as hard as I had? I craned my head, trying to look for her, but a giant dead spider blocked my view of half the quad, and Phoebe was still clinging to me. Her body shielded out the rest of the space. Im fine! Issy reassured me. Barely even hurt! I landed on a pile of spiders. All dead, thankfully. It wasnt the nicest crash mat, but it was definitely softer than the concrete, so Ill take it. Relief washed over me, and I tried to let out a laugh, but I quickly realised it was a mistake. The laughter caught in my chest, throwing me into another coughing fit that left my eyes watering. Phoebe leant back, her expression concerned as she watched me. Luckily, it didnt take long for me to catch my breath again, and the moment I stopped coughing, I began to push myself up. The movement sent agony burning through me again, but I gritted my teeth, refusing to stop moving until I was sitting upright. My eyes found the building on the far side of the quad, and my mouth fell open as I took it in. What the hell was that? What happened? I asked the others, hoping theyd already figured it out. I have no clue, came Issys reply. Her voice was soft, her tone concerned, and that worried me almost as much as the row of smashed windows that seemed to span the entire width of the building. It was only on that one floor, though. A few other windows had been shattered, but the glass remained in the frames. It must have had some kind of coating or film on it, something that meant it stayed together rather than raining down onto the stone below, but the blast that had thrown me back must have removed it somehow. If it had, did that mean the barrier that stopped Livvie from being able to hear our thoughts was also gone? I wasnt sure if it was a physical thing, if something had been placed against the glass to block her power, but a weak spark of hope flared to life in my heart. What about the others? I asked. Have they said anything since No, she replied. My hope died, immediately being eclipsed by fear as I continued to stare up at the building. They were okay, I told myself. They had to be. They couldnt die. It wasnt possible, and I repeated that to myself again and again, but I didnt truly believe it. If they were alive, theyd say something. Theyd find a way to let us know, and they hadnt. Before I could reply to Issy, a sound distracted me. The low boom seemed to echo around us. I lifted my hands to my ears in a desperate attempt to shield them from the deep noise that made the inside of my head feel like it was being gripped tightly, and I felt my weak grip on the water, still shooting into the air around us, shatter. The pressure grew more intense, and lights danced in my vision, but it disappeared after just a moment. Silence filled the quad as strands of webs fluttered through the air, torn free of the buildings, and glass glittered as it rained towards the ground. It would have been almost beautiful, if not for the fear that seized me and made it hard to breathe or form thoughts. What the hell was that? Mel asked. Phoebe is that you? Phoebe stared up at the fire working its way through the remaining web on the building to our right. It seemed to sweep across the surface, melting the white material away and revealing the broken windows below. They were entirely black, I realised, the thought sending ice down my spine. Just like the hole Livvie had made when she broke into the building, nothing could be seen through any of the gaping windows. No, Phoebe thought, her voice breathless from fear. I I dont know where thats coming from. Should we what should we do? Mel asked, looking towards Issy. I could only look away from the windows for a second to glance at Issys pale, terrified face. It felt like if I took my eyes off them for any longer, something would happen. I wasnt sure what it would be, but I knew it was bad. There were too many windows, though. The buildings on the far sides of the quad were too broad, and I couldnt watch it all at once. Instead, my gaze roamed back and forth as I waited. Something was about to happen. I could feel it. It wasnt the spiders, though. I hadnt noticed before; Id been too distracted by my injuries and the noise, but they werent attacking anymore. Theyd started to retreat, slipping away into the shadows and scurrying across buildings as they hurried to get away. Why? The question ricocheted through my mind. What had happened to make them leave? Was it the noise, whatever that had been? Perhaps it wasnt just a device to break the glass. Maybe it was also to drive the spiders back, but that still didnt answer the question of why. We should stop them, a quiet voice in the back of my head whispered. We should have stopped the spiders from leaving. The people of Nottingham needed to be protected from them, and that was our mission. It was why wed been called to the city, after all. We needed to get rid of the spiders and stop them from terrorising anyone else. I knew I should have leapt to my feet, ignoring the pain that still gripped my body, and dashed after the creatures. I should have done what wed been told to do and rounded them all up, killing them without mercy or hesitation, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. They were no longer the biggest threat. The person or people whod lured Livvie and Alice into the building, the ones whod blocked our powers and smashed the windows they were. Ask Avery, Phoebe urged Issy. Ask her whats going on. Shell know. Maybe maybe its one of the criminals we locked up before. They must have broken free and developed new tech or something Yeah that would make sense, Issy replied. Avery, Issy said, her shaky voice audible in the otherwise silent space. Whats happening? But there was no response. We waited, our fear growing stronger and stronger, but she still didnt reply. Maybe something happened, I suggested, feeling the need to say something to reassure the others. Like a power cut or something? Theyre probably just rushing around trying to get the backup generators working, and then Avery will be back to blabbering in our ears. Yeah, maybe, Issy replied, but it was clear she didnt believe me, and I didnt blame her. I didnt believe my words either. I had no clue what was going on or why shed stopped talking to us, but it scared me. Id gotten so used to having her there, even if I ignored what she was saying half the time. It just made me feel better to know there was a team watching over us. This could be a test? Phoebe suggested. Maybe theyre trying to see whether well still follow orders even when things have gone wrong. Avery always reminds us how important that is, right? She does Issy thought. But I dont know. This doesnt feel like a test. Issys words drove a dagger of terror into my heart. She was right. It felt too real, too unexpected, to be a test, and I already knew that, but hearing her think those words made it worse. She was the strongest of us. She was always calm and collected. No matter what happened, she never panicked, but it was happening. She was trying hard to keep it together, but the tremble in her voice was impossible to miss. Maybe Mel started to think, but that was as far as she got before breaking off, her eyes fixed on the ominous dark windows. My eyebrows drew together as I stared up at the black barrier, trying to work out whether my eyes were playing tricks on me. It seemed like, for just a moment, the barrier had flickered. It seemed to glitch, becoming brighter before fading back into the impenetrable blackness once more. Should we go up there? Phoebe thought slowly. Maybe, if we go through well find the person whos controlling it? Then we can just fight them, and itll be over? No! Issy cried. Just I dont know! Just wait for now. Im trying to work out what to do! Maybe if we just She trailed off as the barrier flickered again. My heart seemed to stop beating, and I couldnt help but hold my breath as I gazed at it, waiting to see whether it would happen again. Restlessness thrashed within me, begging me to do something, but before I had the chance to, the barrier disappeared. It only took a second. A blink, and it was gone. In its place was a line of people. They stood in the shattered windows, staring down at us. They were entirely motionless. No one spoke, and they barely even seemed to blink. They were just watching us. Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation. Something pulled at the back of my mind, trying to get my attention. There was something about the people I just wasnt sure what. My mind must have noticed it, though. I couldnt quite put my finger on what it was, but I must have realised something subconsciously. It just needed to cross into my awareness, and then Id figure it out, but I couldnt make that happen. Irritation flared within me as I tried to force the information to reveal itself to me, but it hovered just out of reach, taunting and teasing me. I huffed, my attention returning to the bodies lining the buildings. There was something almost familiar about them. I wasnt sure quite what it was, but I almost recognised them. Something made me think I knew them. Or some other version of me did. In another world, I must have known them. But that was all I could figure out. I didnt know who they were or what they were doing there, and I narrowed my eyes, examining them. Everything about them was unremarkable, though. There was nothing about the clothes they were wearing that stood out or caught my attention. It was all just plain. They were dressed in all black. Their uniforms, or costumes, or whatever it was, were entirely black, and a gun was strapped to their hips. Id fought people who looked like that before. I was almost certain of it. It was fairly normal clothing for people who were trying to be menacing to wear. It looked like something a spy would wear in a crappy film. Confusion tugged at me. Was that where I recognised them from? The world where I was training to be a spy? It wouldnt have surprised me if some people dressed up like that at the Academy. The younger ones, probably. The kids who were new to it and were still caught up in the excitement of what they were doing. But there were so many. Too many people stared down at us, probably more than the number of trainees in the Academy I was in, and there was no way theyd all dress up like that. Unless that was what they wore when they went out on missions? Id not been there long enough to find out about that, but maybe that was what happened? And perhaps they didnt care about subtlety or hiding what they were doing in that world. Maybe everyone was aware of the Academies. Why would they target us, though? The Academy only went after criminals. They only attacked dangerous people, and we werent dangerous. We were working with the government, just like the Academy. They had no reason to try and bring us down. Slowly, something dawned on me. An awareness crept into my mind, the realisation slow but bringing pure terror with it. They werent from the Academy, but I knew exactly who they were. Id seen that uniform before. Id worn it. My chest heaved as I sucked in air and squinted up at the people, looking at their faces for the first time. It was a different world, I told myself. The chances of me recognising any of the people Id trained with were low. They couldnt cross between the worlds. Not like I could, at least. I wasnt sure, though. There were so many faces that seemed familiar, but at least I couldnt see her. That didnt mean she wasnt there, though. I could have missed her. She could have been in the line, but my eyes may have skipped straight over her. Or maybe she was hiding in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to exact her revenge. They have guns! Issy thought, her voice breaking through my panicked thoughts. I have no idea how strong they are, and I doubt theyll be able to hurt us, but I dont want to risk it just in case. Grace, can you fly? We need to get in the air. Itll be harder for them to hit us, and we can evade them until the backup Avery called gets here. The helicopter shouldnt be far now. I didnt answer her, though. I couldnt. A strange, muffled buzzing seemed to fill my ears as I continued to stare up at the people. There were too many of them, and I knew there would be more hiding deeper in the buildings. They were probably on the roof too, and any one of them could have a disc on them. If they managed to catch me, if they pressed it into my skin Did they know who I was? Did they even know I was in that world? Was that why theyd attacked? It couldnt be. Id not been there long enough. It wasnt like Id been frequenting the world for weeks. It had been less than a day. There was no way they could have tracked me there. It must have just been a coincidence. Thoughts flashed through my mind so quickly that I could barely keep up. It was a power grab; that was all it was, I decided. The founders used to talk about that all the time. They wanted to seize power from every world, attacking when it was at its weakest and most vulnerable, and then, in the confusion that followed, theyd be free to do as they pleased. They could tear the world apart, taking what they wanted and discarding the rest. But who were they, I asked myself. Who were the people and the founders? What had they even founded? I had no idea. The frantically racing thoughts werent coming from me. They were coming from another version of me, one who knew too much, whod seen too much, but I didnt have access to everything they did, and no answer came. Itll be fine. People have shot at her before, and were always fine, I heard Phoebe think, her voice distant before she turned towards me, leaning in closer. Grace, Im going to carry you, okay? I blinked, forcing my eyes to focus on Phoebes worried face. She thought I hadnt answered Issy because I couldnt do it because I was too injured to fly and didnt want to admit it, I realised slowly. I can fly, I thought, the act taking much more effort than it should have. Its okay, Phoebe replied, giving me a reassuring yet worried smile. Im strong enough to She broke off suddenly, falling silent. Her eyebrows pulled together as she slowly looked down, confusion appearing on her face. My heart thudded as my eyes followed her gaze, spotting the small dark shadow on her otherwise bright blue uniform. Phoebe reached towards it, her trembling fingertips brushing against the growing stain. Redness coated them. Dark red liquid trickled down her fingers, the movement hypnotic and slow. Oh, was all she said before beginning to tip towards. My muscles cried out in pain as I caught her, but I hardly noticed as I struggled to hold Phoebe upright. Her body was limp, though. She couldnt hold herself up, and my hands shook as I cradled her in my arms, holding her against my body. No, no, no, I said, words slipping from my lips as I stared down at her. Youre okay. Youre going to be okay. They cant hurt us, right? Were the Shooting Stars. Nothing hurts us, right? Phoebe laughed weakly, and a small fleck of blood appeared on her lips. Right, she said, her voice far too soft. Nothing hurts us. Phoebe! I heard someone scream from behind me, but I wasnt sure who it was. My gaze found the dark patch on Phoebes uniform, and my training kicked in. I knew what I had to do. It was just a precaution, they had said. It was unlikely that any of us would get injured, but they made us do first aid training, just in case. Im sorry. This might hurt a little, I told her before pressing my hand against the wound. A wince appeared on her face as a thin trickle of blood dripped down her chin. It doesnt hurt at all, she lied, her eyes fluttering shut. My heart clenched painfully, and I forced myself to apply more pressure. There was too much blood, though. I could feel it welling up between my fingers and running over the back of my hand. There was so much blood, and I could only do so much. Hey, open your eyes, I said desperately. Look at me. Please, Phoebe! For a moment, she didnt respond. My eyes darted back and forth, taking her in and searching for any sign that shed heard me. She couldnt die. She just needed time. Then, her body would heal itself. Thats what always happened. Ever since wed first transformed, wed been able to heal ourselves. It just took some time, but shed be fine. She had to be fine. Sorry, Phoebe breathed as she blinked and met my gaze. Im Im sorry. Tears ran down my face, dripping onto her uniform, but I couldnt wipe them away. Both my hands were occupied, and I couldnt stop pressing on her wound. Why are you sorry? I asked, trying desperately to hold myself together and keep Phoebe talking. As long as she kept talking, shed stay alive. If she stopped, if she fell silent, then it would be too late, but maybe if I kept her talking, shed be okay. The helicopter would get to us soon, and theyd have a medic onboard. If Phoebe couldnt heal herself, theyd be able to do it. I just needed to keep her talking until it arrived. I I dont think Im strong enough to do this. Not not like you. A soft whistling sound came from beside us, followed by an ear-piercing scream. Fear gripped my heart, but I couldnt look away from Phoebe to see which one of my teammates had just been shot. Theyd be fine. It wasnt a fatal hit, I lied to myself. What do you mean? I asked her, my eyes flicking back and forth between hers. Youre so strong, Phoebe. Stronger than I am. Her body spasmed as she coughed, sending a splatter of blood down her face. I gripped her even tighter, praying to anyone whod listen to please, please, let her be okay. She had to be. I couldnt I couldnt cope without her. I needed her. Without her, I had no one. I was alone, and I couldnt do it. It hurts, Grace, she whispered, her voice cracking. It hurts so much. Thats good, though, I said desperately. In movies, they always say it doesnt hurt when they die, right? They say they cant feel anything, dont they? Phoebe coughed again, and her eyes slipped shut, but she didnt open them. Not that time. Yeah. So, that means youre fine. Youre going to be okay, right? I asked her, needing to hear her say it. Yeah I bit my lip, trying to hold back the sob that threatened to escape. Please please, Phoebe. Just hold on, I begged. Just a few more minutes, and youll be okay. The medics will be able to help you. Please, just stay with me. She was silent. Phoebe didnt say anything, and her eyes stayed shut. I wept, clinging to her body. She wasnt dead. She couldnt be dead. She was just unconscious. Shed probably just passed out from the blood loss, but that was fine. She could make more blood, or the medics could do a transfusion or something when they got to us. They normally had blood packs on the helicopter. Theyd be able to help her. Something slammed into my shoulder, and I almost dropped Phoebe, but I caught her just in time. Her head lolled back, but she didnt react. Pain spread through me, threatening to choke me, but I refused to let go of her as the world began to spin. Sunlight blinded me. My vision was a blur as I blinked, my chest tight with heartbreak, and agony radiated down my left arm, making my fingers numb. I barely noticed, though. The pain of Phoebes death still clung to me and threatened to choke me. It wasnt real, I realised with a burst of relief as I looked around the car. My mom hummed along to her music loudly, completely oblivious to the despair that Id been feeling. It was just another world. Phoebe might have gotten shot there, but that didnt matter, not really. It wasnt real. None of it was real. But my arm hurt. My chest felt like it was on fire, and that pain was real. It wasnt as strong as it had been in the other world, but it was still horrible. If my injuries could do it, if they could pass between the worlds, what if hers could too? 4.33 My fault. Tears burned my eyes, making my vision blurry, but I refused to let them fall as I scrambled for my phone. Panic made my palms slick, and one of my arms still felt weak and heavy. It refused to listen to my commands, and it took me far too long to grasp my phone, but eventually, I managed to do it. My eyes darted towards my mom, checking to make sure she hadnt noticed my panic, but she was oblivious. She just continued to hum along to the music, her eyes fixed on the road ahead, and I was glad. It was better for her not to notice. I didnt want to have to explain why I was on the verge of sobbing. There was no way I could do it. I lifted my phone and unlocked it, gritting my teeth as agony danced across my chest and down my arms. It seemed to travel all the way down to my fingertips, but I ignored it as I clicked on the messages app and found my texts to Phoebe before hesitating. I wasnt sure what to do. I wished I could call her, to hear her voice so I knew for certain that she was okay, but I knew I couldnt do it. Not with my mom in the car, at least. That always annoyed her. She hated it when people took calls in public, even though she did that all the time. She said it was rude when others did it, but for some reason, that didnt apply to her. She was exempt from the rule, above such judgement. I wasnt sure that I cared, though. If I called Phoebe, Id know immediately whether she was still alive, and that would be worth the irritation and anger it would cause my mom. But then, what would I even say to Phoebe? I needed to ask her if she was okay, if she was dying, but how could I do that without sounding like Id completely lost my mind? It would be too obvious, too suspicious, and Phoebe would be so confused. My mom would overhear as well. There would be no way to avoid that, and shed want to know why Id asked Phoebe such a weird question. Shed demand an answer, and I couldnt think of a single thing to say that would satisfy her, which meant shed continue to bombard me with questions until I was able to come up with something. That still wouldnt be enough, though. Shed assume I was on drugs or something, despite having spent the past month with her. How was I meant to have found someone whod sell them to me when Id not been out of her sight for any significant amount of time? That wouldnt matter to her, though. Shed accused me of it before, and I knew she would again. For once, her suspicions would be entirely understandable, though. After all, how was I meant to explain to her that I was scared my best friend had died because Id gone to another world and caused her death there? It was my fault. I knew it was. If it wasnt for me, Phoebe probably wouldnt have been there. She was scared of the spiders and didnt want to come with us. She would have turned back and waited at home for us to return if I hadnt encouraged her to stay. I was the reason shed done it, and then shed died. That made it my fault. That wasnt the only reason, though. The people attacking us, the ones dressed all in black, might have specifically targeted her. They probably had, actually. They would have been watching us through the windows before they broke them, and I knew they must have seen her reaction to me getting hurt. The terror would have been enough to inform them that we were best friends, if they hadnt already figured it out, and if they knew who I truly was in that world, they would have killed Phoebe to punish me. I wasnt sure what it was exactly that they were punishing me for; I just knew that they wanted to do it, and theyd stop at nothing to ensure I was adequately disciplined. Theyd kill Phoebe again and again if they thought that would be enough to break me, and it would. I knew it would. If anything happened to Phoebe in my reality, it would break me. She was my best friend, my only friend. Without her, I was alone. A lump caught in my throat as I tried to swallow, threatening to choke me, and I tried again, but it refused to move. It was lodged in there too firmly, and my eyes itched with unshed tears. I had to do something. Id text her, I decided. That would be enough, and if she didnt reply, then Id call her. Id find a way to get Mom to stop at the next services or something. Then, Id hide in the bathroom, away from my mom, and Id call her. I could just keep phoning her until someone picked up, and then Id know. My thumbs twitched over the phone screen as I hesitated again, trying to work out what to say. How could I ask her if she was okay without it sounding weird? I needed it to sound normal and not like I was terrified, but I couldnt think of anything. But that might not matter, I realised as a thought occurred to me. Even if Phoebe was fine, she might still be asleep. It was early, not even ten yet. She was still in Paris, which was in another time zone. They were an hour ahead, but that wasnt enough to ensure she would be awake. She could sleep through my texts and calls, and then what? Although maybe it was better that she was asleep, a small voice in the back of my mind whispered. If the injury had somehow passed between the worlds, she might not have felt it at all. Shed just never wake up. Her aunt or uncle or one of her cousins would find her motionless body and blood-soaked bed in a few hours when they realised shed yet to stir, but at least she might not have felt the pain of death. I tapped Phoebes name at the top of the screen, and my trembling thumb hovered over the call button before I managed to get ahold of myself again. I was being ridiculous, and I knew it. Phoebe was fine. Nothing had happened to her. It couldnt have. Forcing myself to take a deep breath, I went back to the messages. Id stick to my original plan, I decided. I would send her a text, and if she didnt reply to that, Id find a way to call her. That would work. It would be fine, I tried to convince myself before starting to type. Im on the way home! How are you doing? That sounded okay. I was pretty sure it did anyway, but I read it a few times just to make sure. It was the kind of thing Id text her on a normal day, so that was probably fine. It was okay to ask her how she was doing, I told myself. I did it all the time, and if something had happened to her or she didnt feel well or something, shed say. I was pretty sure of that, at least. Still, it was surprisingly hard to hit the send button. I texted Phoebe all the time. A day didnt go by without it happening at least once, even when we were in school. It should have been easy, something I could do without worrying or overthinking, but it wasnt. I just couldnt stop thinking about what could have happened to her. My eyes flicked between the phone screen and my mom as I waited for Phoebe to reply. She was taking too long, though. It had been minutes, three minutes, and Id still not received anything. If shed been awake, alive still, she would have already replied. She was normally so quick to do so. She always responded pretty much as soon as she saw the message, but she hadnt. Four minutes. Impatience and fear danced within me, making my heart feel like it was vibrating beneath my skin. I needed her to reply faster, but she hadnt even read the message yet. Could I send her another? What would I even say? There had to be something. I had to be able to think of something to send her. She might have just missed her phone vibrating the first time, but the second one would be harder to miss. Id give her another minute. If she didnt reply within five minutes, then Id know something had happened, and Id send her another message or call her. I could handle waiting another minute. It wouldnt be that bad. That was a lie, though. It was so painful to stare at the screen and wait for the clock to change. I had nothing else to focus on, nothing else I could do whilst waiting. I was trapped in the car with my mom, and there was nothing I could do to get rid of the nervous energy that seemed to be bouncing within me. If I moved, if I did anything, Id draw attention to myself, and I didnt want that. I couldnt handle it. If my mom had looked at me or paid attention for just a moment, she might have realised how much of a mess I was. I was barely holding it together, and I knew it. If she said anything, if she asked me a question or something, it would go badly. I wasnt sure what would happen, but I doubted Id be able to speak or do anything. My voice had abandoned me. My gaze returned to my unchanged phone screen, and I chewed on the inside of my lip. A metallic taste filled my mouth, accompanied by a slight pain, but I hardly noticed it as I continued to bite down. It was dulled, barely even registering in my mind, but I could feel it a bit. The pain, distant as it was, did help a little, though. It made it slightly easier for me to suck in a deep breath without feeling like I was about to start sobbing. I still felt like I might, but it was a little easier. It wasnt enough, though. I needed more. Five minutes. The time changed suddenly, and my heart began to pound. It had been five minutes, and Phoebe still hadnt replied to me. She still hadnt read the message or done anything to make me think she was still alive. She probably wasnt. She was probably dying, and I was just sitting there, doing nothing about it. I had to do something. I had to try. A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. A road sign appeared in the distance, and I squinted at it, trying to read the words. My vision was still obscured by tears, but I just about managed to make them out. We were approaching a service station. In a couple of miles, wed be there, and I had to get my mom to stop. Id tell her it was an emergency or something. Shed be annoyed at me, but I didnt care. I had to call Phoebe. I glanced at my mom out of the corner of my eye as I tried to figure out what to say before swallowing. The lump in my throat was still there, and even after gulping multiple times, I could still feel it. It refused to shift, but that didnt matter. We were approaching the exit, and I was running out of time. If we missed that station, I wasnt sure when wed get to the next. There werent many on the road we were on. I knew that from experience. But I still couldnt think of anything to say. My mind raced frantically, but it was somehow also blank. My thoughts seemed to slip through my fingers, as elusive as sand, and I grasped at them but came up empty. I had to try, though. Id figure it out once I started to speak. Something would come to me. It had to. I swallowed one last time before licking my dry lips and opening my mouth. Before any sound could escape, my phone buzzed. My eyes snapped to it immediately, and I almost wept with relief as I read the message from Phoebe. She was still alive. Nothing had happened to her. I was just getting worked up over nothing. Yay! The first text read. Im so happy for you! I wish I was on the way home too. I glanced at my mom out of the corner of my eye before slowly reaching up to wipe away one of the tears that managed to escape my eyes. It was just one, thankfully. That was easy enough to hide. Oh no, how come? I typed back, chewing on my lip again as I waited for a response. It was probably nothing, I told myself as anxiety started to creep back into my heart. She was probably just bored and couldnt watch the shows and movies that she wanted to or something. I doubted there was anything more than that going on, but doubt still plagued me, whispering that she could still be dying. I was woken up at six to go for a run. Why would anyone do that willingly??? My body sagged back against the chair as the remainder of my fear drained out of me, leaving me weak. More tears threatened to escape my eyes, and I glanced at my mom again before replying. Ahahah oh no, how was it? Awful, Phoebe replied immediately. I know you go on runs all the time when youre in Scotland, but I still have no idea how you do it. I feel like Im dying. My chest clenched, sending a fresh wave of pain down my arm as I quickly typed a reply. Are you okay? No! Phoebes text read. Do you know how horrible it is to run on cobblestones? I almost slipped like ten times, and now my calves feel like theyre on fire. I couldnt help the sigh of relief that slipped from my mouth. It was just stiffness from her run. That was why she was in pain. She wasnt actually injured or dying. Shed probably just pushed herself too hard or something, but that was okay. It wasnt bad or permanent, and that was all that mattered. Did you stretch when you got back? I asked, aware that I was grinning as I typed. My eyes flicked towards my mom as I pressed my lips together. I didnt want her to see my expression. If she noticed that I was smiling, she would demand to know why, and I was pretty sure she wouldnt believe that I was just texting Phoebe. She didnt like her, and there was no way shed think I could be so happy just because I was speaking to her. Shed said that before. Shed caught me smiling because Phoebe had made a terrible and unexpected joke, and she demanded to see my phone. Luckily, she didnt understand what Phoebe had written, and I was glad. It did seem innocent enough unless you understood the reference, and then it was much less innocent. No. I just collapsed into bed, and Ive not gotten up since. Ive almost fallen asleep like six times, Phoebe wrote. Were meant to be going for brunch at some point, so I need to get changed and shower, but I literally cannot stand. Ahahaha oh no. Thats probably why youre so stiff, though. Im always the same when I forget to stretch after my runs. There was a slight pause before Phoebes next message came through. Wait, you hurt after sometimes??? Confusion washed over me, and I picked at the still-oozing wound in my mouth, trying to figure out what to say. I didnt want to write anything that would make Phoebe worry about me too much. I hated it when people worried about me. It always made me so uncomfortable. Yeah, sometimes, I typed before adding, its not too bad normally, though. Just a little stiff if Ive not stretched or havent run in a while? I read the message through again, trying to work out if it sounded okay. I was pretty sure it did, though. It was a reasonable explanation, I thought. It seemed normal enough, at least. I mean, our PE teacher always made us stretch before and after we started doing anything. It was a thing everyone was meant to do, and I was pretty sure most people would struggle a bit if they worked out when they werent used to it. Still, I was still worried about how Phoebe would react. She already worried about me sometimes; I knew she did, and I hated it. There was nothing I could do about it, though. I didnt tell her too much, not about my mom or anything. I mean, I told her some things, but I didnt like to talk about everything. I didnt want to tell anyone about her punching things or throwing things at me. That felt wrong, and the thought of having to put up with the pity in their eyes was enough to stop me. Not that Phoebe would pity me. She didnt really do that, and I appreciated it. She was used to my mom, and anything I said about her just made Phoebe angry now, which I also felt bad about. I didnt want to make Phoebe angry, and I was the one who had to deal with her. Phoebe wasnt related to her. She had no responsibility for my mom. Why would anyone put themselves through this out of choice?? Why not just I dont know! Go for a walk if you really need to get out of the house??? was Phoebes response. I dont know, I typed back. It feels good sometimes? How? How can this possibly feel good? I cant even move my feet without my calves burning. They might have to drag me to brunch. Im not sure I can manage the walk without weeping. I snorted silently and glanced at my mom again. She didnt seem to have noticed that I was on my phone yet, and I was glad. Even though there was nothing else to do in the car, I was pretty sure shed still tell me off for going on it too much. Shed done it before. Apparently, it would be better to stare out the window and take in the sights rather than spend the entire journey glued to a screen. Whenever she said that, I had to bite my tongue to stop myself from speaking. I knew it would be stupid and foolish, but the urge to point out that if she had the choice, she would have spent the whole time on her phone, always threatened to escape. Thats what she did every time we were in the car with my dad. He always drove when it was the three of us, and she barely looked away from her phone. The only times she did were to insult his driving, and even then, she only glanced up for a moment. I dont know. It just does, I wrote before adding a shrugging emoji. Maybe try stretching now? It might help? Its too late for me, Phoebe replied. Ive already given up on walking ever again. My lips stretched up into a smirk as I typed back. Thats completely fair. At least well be able to use the lift next year if you still cant walk then? Where are you going for brunch? No clue. Some place my cousin knows. Apparently, they do good food. No clue what kind of thing they serve, but well see, I guess, Phoebes message read. Urgh, my aunt just came in. Were going out in five. A loud sigh made me jump, and my eyes darted towards my mom. Her eyes were on the road, but I knew it had been directed towards me. The irritation on her face was clear, and she tapped the steering wheel, the noise sharp and off-beat. It no longer matched the rhythm of the song that was playing, and that was intentional. I hesitated, trying to work out how annoyed shed get if I ignored her and replied to Phoebe. It would be worth it, I decided. Plus, Phoebe was about to go out. Id just text her a couple more times at most, and then Id probably not go on my phone for a little bit. That wouldnt be too bad. Oh no, does that mean you have to get up now? I wrote, watching my mom out of the corner of my eye as I hit send. I did it. It was painful, Phoebe replied. Speaking of, hows your mom being? I was careful not to smirk again. If my mom saw that, shed want to know what Phoebe had said to make me laugh, and there was no way I could say shed called Mom painful. It was true, but I didnt want to give Mom more reasons to hate Phoebe. As expected, I typed before deleting it and instead writing, not too bad. Oh, good! I hope she doesnt get any worse, Phoebe replied. Alright, I need to go wash the sweat off and get ready. Wish me luck. Good luck! Thanks, I need it. Text you when I get to the restaurant or cafe or wherever it is were going! Okay! Hope the walk isnt too bad! I replied before locking my phone and dropping it into my lap again. My mom huffed loudly again, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. She wasnt happy when I was on my phone, and she clearly wasnt happy when I wasnt on my phone. What more did she want from me, I asked myself. There was no answer to that question, though. I knew that. She just wanted more. It was that simple. No matter what I did, Mom wanted me to do better and to be better. I wasnt sure if that was possible. I tried really hard sometimes, but it still wasnt enough for her. That didnt really matter to me anymore. Id mostly gotten used to it, which was good. It used to make me feel bad or guilty. I felt like I was letting her down or disappointing her, but that had lost its sting a little while back. I dropped my head back against the headrest and stared out the windscreen. My eyes were unfocused; the world was passing by in a blur, but it was kind of nice. Maybe I was just exhausted or drained from the pain of losing Phoebe and my other friends in that world, but there was something strangely relaxing about letting my brain just switch off. 4.34 Good luck out there. The peacefulness Id been enjoying didnt last long. Within minutes, I felt my mind begin to wander again. I was growing more bored and restless, and my body still ached, which wasnt helping. It was hard to relax when each bump, each jostle, sent a wave of pain through me. I let my eyes flutter shut and dropped my head back against the headrest, wishing that I could drift off and fall asleep for a little while. Ideally, Id sleep for the entire length of the journey, waking only when we were pulling onto the driveway, but I was pretty sure that wouldnt happen. We were too far from home. It would be hours until we got back, eight or maybe nine. My body wouldnt let me sleep for that amount of time. I could maybe get an hour or two, if I was lucky, but I doubted Id stay asleep any longer than that. Even if I somehow did manage it, I was certain my mom would just wake me up. It was unhealthy to take naps during the day, according to her. Shed told me that many times, seemingly ignoring the fact that I often came home from school to find her asleep on the sofa. I was never really sure whether she was napping or passed out when that happened. The empty bottles of wine that usually surrounded her hinted that it might be the latter, though. But, of course, that didnt count. It was fine when she did it, but not when I did. Still, there was something else keeping me awake. A fear lingered at the back of my mind, making it impossible for me to drift off. I was too aware that when I was asleep, I had less control. I couldnt choose which world I went to; I just found myself in one of them, and that terrified me. There were too many, too many horrible places hovering at the edge of my awareness, just waiting for my guard to drop. Then, theyd strike. A shudder tore through me as dizziness blurred my vision. One of the worlds that I was so scared of seemed to be rising up, threatening to drag me away into their depths, and I thrashed against it, trying desperately to loosen its grip on me. I could feel it. The thorns were in my brain. It had hooked me, was reeling me in, and I had to fight. I had to get away. It couldnt happen again. I couldnt be taken to another world where I was forced to hold my best friend as she died. Even just the thought of watching Phoebe die again sent a fresh wave of agony through my heart. It seemed to burn across my chest before reaching my shoulder and spreading down my arm until my fingertips stung. I lifted a hand to rub the centre of the pain, unable to hold back the wince that flitted across my face as my fingers touched the tender skin below. Concern shot through me, and my eyes darted towards my mom before I glanced down at my body. Luckily, I was wearing a jumper. It had felt like a stupid decision when I pulled it on that morning. The weather was too hot for it. We were still in the middle of summer, and I didnt need another layer, but I was suddenly glad Id worn it rather than shoving it into my already full backpack. Would there be a bruise? The thought pulled at me, and I tried to dismiss it, but I couldnt quite bring myself to do it. I was shot in the other world. I didnt really recall it happening, but I was pretty sure it had. My attention had been on Phoebe. All of my focus was fixed on her, but I remembered an impact and the pain that followed. Something had slammed into my shoulder, and that kind of felt like a gunshot. It was similar to how it had felt when Id been shot in the other world. When that happened, a giant bruise had formed on my stomach in my reality. It was still there. The colour was starting to fade, the edge turning an ugly shade of yellow, but it was still visible, and that was what scared me. If it had happened again, if there was a bruise appearing on my chest, Id have to be careful. For the rest of the summer, including my date with Duncan, Id have to wear clothing with high necklines. None of my dresses would do. They were all too low cut, and if I had a mark, I didnt want anyone to see it. Especially if it was as dark as the one on my stomach. It would worry them, and theyd want to know what happened to cause it. How was I meant to answer that? The urge to pull my jumper aside and peer down at the skin below rose within me, making my hands twitch. I wanted to check whether the bruise was already starting to form, but Mom would notice the movement. Shed see me looking down my shirt, and shed demand to know what I was doing. Id need to wait until the next time we stopped to check. Anxiety bubbled in my stomach as I shuffled in my seat, unable to stop my mind from racing. Maybe it wouldnt be too bad that time. Id left the world quickly, after all. And I hadnt gone back, so perhaps that would make a difference. I was barely connected to that world. It was new to me; Id only ever gone there once, and that had to matter, right? I wasnt sure, though. I still had no clue how the whole thing worked or even what I was doing. It was a mystery to me, and I was just figuring everything out as it happened. The thought gave me some hope, though, and I refused to think about it too hard because I knew that would cause it to die out. A silent sign of frustration and worry slipped from my lips, and I tried to focus on the world outside my window again. The road signs were still in Scottish, I noticed. We must have still been in Scotland, and I shouldnt have been surprised. We hadnt been travelling for too long. That realisation sent a wave of anxiety through me. The journey had already been so difficult for me, and yet I had so long left of it. What was I meant to do? I couldnt just sit there and wait for it to be over. I needed something, something to occupy my mind so the boredom didnt creep in again, bringing the other worlds with it. I started to reach for my phone again. Texting Duncan or Phoebe would help. Id only just really finished texting Phoebe, and she would be getting ready for brunch, but that was fine. I could still message her and say I was bored. Shed respond when she could, and Duncan The thought of texting him made my anxiety dance within me. It was worse than normal. I wasnt generally scared of talking to him, but our date was so soon, and I was worried about saying the wrong thing and annoying him somehow. It could make him change his mind, and that would be fine. Hed still be one of my best friends, and I wasnt entirely convinced the date was anything other than platonic, but I didnt want to risk it just in case. Social media. That was the solution. I could just scroll through my feed, venturing onto the explore page when I got bored of it. There were so many options, and something had to captivate me. Or maybe I could use one of the language apps Id downloaded, I realised. They were fun, and I had a streak to maintain. My hand had almost reached my phone when I saw my moms head turn sharply. It was a small movement. She wasnt fully looking in my direction, but I knew her eyes were on my phone. She was just waiting for me to pick it up, the judgment gathering on the tip of her tongue and preparing to strike. Was it worth it, though? My mind seemed to linger on the question for too long, unable to decide. Anything would be better than the suffocating boredom and restlessness, but I could feel my mothers anger brewing. It would only get worse, as it always did during the journey home from her parents house, and I didnt want to be the target for her rage. I would be at some point. There were few other people for her to take her disappointment and loneliness out on, but I wanted to hide away from it for as long as possible. My fingers found my leg instead, and I scratched it, pretending as if I simply had an itch, before letting my hands drop onto my lap. My mom continued to watch me out of the corner of her eye for a moment longer before her attention returned to the road, sending a weak flare of triumph through me. It was silly. All Id done was not annoy her, but I was briefly proud of myself. The feeling faded quickly and left nothing in its wake, though. Too soon, I found myself staring at a smudge on the windshield, trying to ignore the pull of the other worlds. I could still feel them. Even as I tried to ignore them, I could feel them trying to draw me in, but I batted them away. I had to resist, but I couldnt just do nothing. I wasnt capable of that, not anymore. I was too weak, and the urge to do something else, be somewhere else, was too overpowering. I couldnt fight it. It was inevitable, I realised. No matter what I did or how hard I struggled, I would still get sucked in. It was already happening. My vision was starting to blur around the edges. The world was beginning to fade, and the colours were draining out of it. They had too strong a grip on me. The other worlds were drawing me in. I had to remain in control, I told myself, trying to pull myself together. As long as I did that, I could choose where I went. Id find a world where Phoebe wouldnt die, and it would be fine. A sensation immediately began to creep towards me, one that made my stomach tighten, as if I were on a roller coaster. The car around me started to spin. It was dizzying and sickening, and I jolted, catching myself before I could be sucked in.This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. No. That wasnt good enough. I couldnt just settle on a world where Phoebe survived. She could still be hurt, still feel pain, and I needed to do better than that. It was too dangerous. As long as she was in the world, she could die or get injured, and that meant I needed to find somewhere else. I had to find a place where Phoebe wasnt, where she didnt exist, and the only person who could get hurt was me. That wasnt ideal either, obviously. Ideally, I didnt want to feel pain either, but it was better. If I had to choose between Phoebe being hurt or me, the answer was easy. Id pick myself every time. It wasnt even something I needed to deliberate. Pain wasnt too bad for me, but the thought of Phoebe going through it, of being forced to watch over and over without being able to do anything to make things better for her, would break me. I couldnt handle it. A dark, shadowy dizziness pounced, turning my vision black. I could still feel the car swirling around me, but I couldnt see it. I couldnt see anything. Desperation flared within me, making me want to thrash against the world that was drawing me in, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. Phoebe didnt exist in that world. Somehow, I knew that, and that was enough for me. It still scared me, though. The other place, the world, terrified me, but they all did. I didnt feel safe in any of them anymore, and I could feel my pulse pounding in my throat as it pulled me closer. It didnt matter if it was scary, though. That was fine. Ideally, it wouldnt be, but it was only temporary. Once my friends were out of the induction wing, Id go back to the Academy. That thought reassured me. I liked that world. It wasnt too scary, and I felt safe there. I was just so lonely. It was crushing, but it wouldnt last forever. As soon as I had my friends with me again, it would be fine. I wouldnt need to worry about the other terrifying worlds that haunted the dark corners of my mind. Id never have to think about them again. But would that last? How long would it be before the world stopped being enough for me? I could get bored of it somehow, or maybe something could stop me from being able to go back there. If something happened, if one of my friends got hurt because of me, I wouldnt be able to face it again. Id run away from the world, just like I had with Mitchs world, and then what? Where would I go? How many worlds would I flee? Irritation flared within me, and I shoved the thought aside. It wouldnt happen, I decided. Not again. I hadnt been expecting it last time. I didnt think Id get so attached to someone I didnt know, and I was so scared. Id never been shot at, never been threatened like that, and I wasnt sure how to react, but things had changed. Id changed, and I was more experienced. There was nothing that could happen at the Academy that would make me run away. But my determination drained from me too quickly, leaving behind nothing but a nagging sense of anxiety and fear. Confusion washed over me. I had no clue why I felt like that. It seemed to rise up out of nowhere, and it felt wrong. I hadnt been anxious moments before, but suddenly, I could feel the nerves gripping my throat and making it hard to breathe. It was the new world, I realised. That was the source of my worries. I started to pull away instinctively, but I was too slow. The world was already solidifying around me, and I could hear something. A voice. It was my own voice. I couldnt help but be drawn in, wanting to hear what I was saying. It was too tempting, too interesting, and before I could do anything about it, the world was taking shape around me. The air had a chill to it, despite the fact I was inside. Barely, though. I was standing in the glass entrance of a building. A shop, maybe? only a few more minutes, I heard myself say, vaguely aware that my mouth was moving, but it didnt feel like my own body. Not yet. It was too detached still. Im sorry, Greta Grace, I corrected. Im sorry, Grace, the man continued as if he hadnt been interrupted. But the library was meant to close ten minutes ago. Did you not hear the announcements? It was a library! That made sense. It did feel like one, and the scent of paper lingered in the air. There was another smell beneath that, though. Something sharp and strangely medical. No, I said earnestly, shaking my head. I had my headphones on. I was hurrying to finish my essay before There were three. I was fully aware of that. Id heard them before in that world. They sounded every single evening as sundown approached. It wasnt too bad in the summer, but that had passed. The sun was starting to set earlier and earlier, and Id forgotten how annoying I found it every single year. I hated having to be home before six, and it was only going to get worse. The next few months would be horrible. Id spend so much time in my home, and I didnt want to. There was no other option, though. It wasnt safe, and I was being careful. I was trying to be, at least. Id set so many alarms to try and make sure I finished working before it was too late, but I just kept snoozing them because I wanted to get my assignment done before I had to go back to my dorm. I didnt work as well there, and the essay was due in the morning. I only had another three hundred words left, and I thought I could do it, but I hadnt realised how dark it was getting. The sun was already setting. The sky was streaked with pinks and reds, and my eyes lingered on it for far too long. It was a bad omen. Everyone knew that. Blood in the sky meant blood would be shed. That was a given. Blood was shed every night, but I didnt want to see it. I didnt want it to be mine. I know, and Im so sorry. I just I started to say, desperation clawing at me as I looked back at the unmoved librarian. My shift finishes in ten minutes. I still need to finish locking up, and you need to leave. Can I wait inside? I asked. Just until youre finished? Ive booked an Uber, but the driver isnt here yet. I glanced down at my phone, trying to appear as though I was checking where the driver was, but the screen was blank. I hadnt booked one. Not yet. I managed to get as far as opening the app before the man interrupted me and started to kick me out. No. Its against policy. A howl came from outside, the noise reaching in through the flimsy glass doors, and I felt my heart rate spike. It was too close. The sound came from far too close, and that was wrong. They couldnt be nearby. I had no real clue where I was or who they were; I was too new to the world for that, but I was certain they couldnt set foot on campus. Someone had said that at some point. I had a vague recollection of that. A professor had mentioned it, maybe? During the open day or one of the introductory lectures? Or perhaps it was in the prospectus when I was applying for university. That sounded right? A distant flare of excitement shot through me at the realisation that I was at university. I must have been older, and that was cool. I didnt expect it, and I didnt feel older. Was that something Id notice? I wasnt sure if I ever had before, but then again, I never really considered it. The university was one of the safest in the country, I recalled, the memory coming out of nowhere. Everyone knew that. It had one of the lowest rates of attack in the entire country, and I wasnt sure Id even be accepted. I thought I was going to have to spend the next three years living at home and studying online, or perhaps Id be sent away to one of the convents that had begun to pop up again. They were generally safer too, obviously. But, to my surprise, Id been chosen. Someone had decided that I was worthy of a place at one of the only universities my parents had begrudgingly allowed me to apply for, and I was so glad. Still, I had to keep my guard up. No one was ever truly safe. Please, I begged. My flat is on the other side of campus. Just let me stay a few more minutes. My ride will be here so soon! I cant, the librarian said flatly. Wish I could help out, but theres nothing I can do. That was a lie. I knew it was. He didnt seem to care at all. Please! Hannah let someone stay overnight a few weeks ago! I cried. I wont tell anyone! The mans eyebrows rose, and he regarded me with absolutely no emotion. He was utterly unmoved by my fear, and that scared me almost as much as whatever waited outside. Im not Hannah, he replied. You need to leave. The sun hasnt set fully just yet. If you run, you should get back in time. He wasnt going to let me stay, I realised as my heart thudded in my ears. He wouldnt even let me wait inside to call someone. Not that I could, anyway. I barely had any money left in my account, and I was pretty sure there wasnt even enough in there for a ride back to my place. It would take five minutes, if that, but the taxi drivers always bumped the prices way up after dark. If there were even any around, that was. They might have all retreated back into the safety of their homes, unwilling to risk going out at night. There was no one else I could call. My parents were too far away. They wouldnt be able to get to me in time, and the library was too close to the edge of campus. Even if I had someone to call, I couldnt wait outside until they picked me up. It wasnt safe. The librarian was right. I had to run. I was wasting time, taking too long to argue with him, and the sun was steadily dipping lower in the sky. The more time I spent trying to convince the man to help, the lower my chances of getting home. I swallowed nervously and swung my bag onto my back before stepping towards the glass doors. My eyes flicked towards the sky before scanning the small quad outside the front of the library. There was nothing there, no movement or trace of whatever had howled. I needed to go before that changed. Good luck out there, the librarian said with a smile that didnt reach his eyes as his hand closed around the card dangling from his belt. Dont stop for anyone, and you might just make it home. I didnt reply. There was nothing I had to say to him, and even if there was, I was pretty sure the words wouldnt come out. My heart was racing, my chest felt tight, and my palms were already sweating despite the cold air coming in through the gap between the doors that were still closed. When night was approaching, the only way to get in or out of any of the university buildings was with a swipe card. It was a precaution, apparently, but I wasnt sure how that worked. I glanced back at the man, watching as he reached towards the card reader. He was too tall, or the card reader was too low on the wall, and he had to lean to tap his card against it. The movement caused his collar to shift, and my eyes flicked towards his exposed neck as the light caught it. My heart stopped as I stared at the small hint of a scar that had yet to heal. He was with them. 4.35 Blood. The moment the glass doors opened, I thrust my phone into my pocket and took off into the dusk. I was still scared of being outside as the sky began to darken, but staying inside with someone who allowed one of them to bite him, who might be infected by their curse, was a scarier thought to me. I would rather brave the wilderness than him. He could be infected, under their spell. One of those monsters could have enthralled him, and perhaps hed already called the monster whod seized control of him. That may have been why he didnt allow me to stay in the library and call a taxi. They may have ordered him to release me into the night. Maybe they were already out there, waiting for the hunt to begin. My feet pounded against the pavement as I sprinted away from the library, and within seconds, I found myself silently cursing. Why had I decided to wear Converse of all shoes? Sometimes, I just wore trainers, and they would have been so much better. They were comfier. There was more padding, but the things on my feet I risked a glance down, my eyes narrowing as I spotted the red shoes. Id had them for too long. Maybe long ago, they could have been fine to run in, but Id been wearing them for years. The soles had been worn down. They were flattened, and any padding they might have had before has been rendered useless. I could feel every stray stone on the pavement below, and each step seemed to reverberate through my bones. A wince came over my face as my laptop shifted within my backpack. One of the sharp corners had moved, so it was being repeatedly driven into my spine with each step, but I couldnt stop and adjust it. If I paused or slowed for even an instant, something could catch up with me, and I couldnt let that happen. I was running out of time, too. I was in a race against the sun, trying desperately to get back to my dorm before the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. Movement blurred in the corner of my eye, and I almost fell as my head whipped around. My gaze landed on the glass-fronted building I was running along, and I half expected to see a bat or a wolf bearing down upon me, but there was nothing. It was just my reflection; all I could see was my own terrified face peering back at me. A spark of relief flared in my heart, but it was weak and flickering. That was good, though. Smart. It would be foolish to feel it any more strongly, and I knew it. It would have made me drop my guard, convince me that there was nothing out there to worry about. They couldnt enter campus at all. And that would lead to my death. I was certain of that. The moment I allowed myself to relax, to slow and trust that I was safe, they would emerge from the steadily growing shadows. I would be surrounded in an instant, and there would be nothing I could do to fight back. A shiver of fear slipped down my spine as I threw myself around the corner at the end of the building, lunging towards the covered stairwell that led to the bridge. The light inside shone out like a beacon, promising safety and protection, but I knew it was a lie. There was no safety to be found in there. The stairwell had no doors. Both sides were open to the night, and I knew any security it could offer was nothing more than an illusion. No one owned the stairs, I was pretty sure. It wasnt a place of residence, and the creatures that scared me most wouldnt even need to ask permission to enter. Theyd be able to stroll right in as I cowered in fear. That thought pushed me to run faster, taking the steps two at a time as I tried to ignore the growing pain in my back where my laptop kept catching. The corner seemed to be hitting the exact same spot every single time, and I knew there would be a bruise there in the morning. But that didnt matter. Not really. As long as I was still alive in the morning to be bruised, I didnt care. The laptop could dig deep into my flesh, bruise the very bone itself. I didnt care as long as I survived. My toe caught on the edge of a step, and my breath fled my lungs with a curse as I began to fall. Blindly, I reached out towards the railing, the other hand shooting out in front of me. Pain radiated through my hands and shoulders as I caught myself before my knees could slam into the deceptively sharp tiles on the stairs, and fear threatened to suffocate me. I stood quickly, snatching my hands back and inspecting them closely for any sign of a cut. My heart pounded, and my hands shook as I turned them slowly. If there was any blood, I was screwed. It wouldnt matter whether the campus grounds had been sanctified or not. They would still come for me. Those monsters could smell freshly spilt blood from over a mile away, and I had no clue how big the campus was, but I was pretty sure I was less than a mile from the edge of it. That meant theyd know. Any passing creature would smell it, and they would be driven into a frenzy by the mere scent. They would risk immolation, the agony of burning to death, for even just a taste of my blood. That would be worth it to them. But my hands were intact. They were starting to turn red, and pain throbbed within them, but I couldnt see any blood. That meant I needed to keep running. I couldnt stay still for any longer and wait for death to find me. I started moving again, racing up the final few steps before hesitating as I reached the top and stared out at the bridge. The lights that lined it were spread so far apart. Id never noticed it before, not in the daytime, but they were placed just far enough that Id be shrouded by shadows between each one. Was that intentional? My hands shook as I gripped my backpack straps and forced myself to step out onto the bridge. My heartbeat was loud in my ears as I ran, and I tried desperately to keep my eyes on the path ahead. The fear of falling once more pulled at me. It would be bad if I fell on the bridge, and I knew that. It had tall barriers on either side, making it impossible to slip over accidentally, but that wasnt what I was worried about. The bridge was coated in a thin layer of tiny stones. They must have once been stuck to the metal surface below, but theyd long since come loose. If I were to trip, if I fell and landed on my hands, my skin would be shredded in an instant. It would be as though someone had taken sandpaper to my flesh, and there would be no resistance. The stones would tear straight through. Tears of pure fear welled in my eyes, and I tightened my grip on my backpack straps, trying to push that mental image aside. It wouldnt happen. I was clumsy, but not that clumsy. And even if I were to fall, I would be fine, I tried to reassure myself, despite knowing it was a lie. I was on campus. Campus was safe. My gaze flicked towards the edge of the bridge, glancing down at the train tracks below. Was I still on campus whilst on the bridge? It was too high up. I wasnt technically over the university property. I was above the railway that bisected the grounds, and I wasnt sure how the blessing worked. Did the bridge even count? The question almost made me stop and turn back, but I was already too far. I was over halfway across the bridge, and there was nowhere else for me to go. Every university building would have already been locked. I was alone, and I had to make it back home, back to my dorm. I peeked through the barriers on the side of the bridge again, trying to see what waited below, but it was too dark. I couldnt see anything other than shadows, and that did little to reassure me. Anything could have been down there. There was no way of me knowing. Finally, I reached the far side of the bridge. I was bathed in light once more as I darted inside, leaping down the stairs without hesitation, but too soon, I was returned to the darkness. The dorms could almost be seen, though. The buildings around me blocked them from sight, but as soon as I passed a couple more, theyd be there. My goal, my safety, would be visible. My chest ached from running. A stitch burnt in my side, making it impossible to draw a full breath, but I couldnt let myself slow. I could taste blood. It sickened me and filled me with fear, but it wasnt real. It wasnt enough to summon the monsters, and I needed to keep going. I should have practised, I realised as I slipped between the technology and media buildings. I should have continued to run the drills that one of my old schools used to make us do. They were ridiculous, or so I thought. I assumed they were just being dramatic. That village had been so safe. There were no attacks there unless people went looking for trouble, and I didnt see the point of the sprint drills they used to make us do every single day, but I should have. If Id listened to the teachers, if Id continued doing as Id been taught after we moved away, it would have been better. This book is hosted on another platform. Read the official version and support the author''s work. But I was too lazy, and that might have cost me my life. Something shifted behind the glass beside me, but I didnt look. Not that time. It was in the building, and that was all that mattered. There was a barrier between us, and it wouldnt be able to get to me. Not easily. I didnt need to check whether the thing inside was a person or something infinitely more terrifying. I didnt want to see my death approaching until it was too late. I reached the edge of the buildings, bursting out into the clearing beyond. My heart swelled with fear as I scanned the space, sprinting right through the centre. Id always hated that part of campus. It was too open, too exposed. There were no buildings on either side of the barely maintained area. It was just an empty space with a road on the far side and the dorms beyond it, and that was apparently intentional. Back in the day, before the troubles began, they used to have events there. Multiple ones. Theyd throw parties and fairs that stretched out long into the night. Students would spend hours socialising and drinking with their newly gained friends. Theyd enjoy their time there, but that was long before I even enrolled at the university. Any event that happened nowadays finished long before the sun even began to dip lower in the sky. Very few people risked being out any later than that. I didnt either. Id ventured into my garden after dark on a handful of occasions. Rebellion had pushed me out there, irritation over the rules that had been imposed upon me, but I never made it far from the door. I was never more than a step away from it, and the smallest of noises, the slightest hint that I was not alone, sent me scampering back inside with terror fluttering in my heart. The world was too still. It had suddenly become too silent, and I didnt like it. I hated it. There was still some motion out there. In the distance, I could hear the soft hum of cars. When I squinted, taking my eyes off the path before me for just a moment, I could see people huddled in front of the only nightclub still operating in the city. It was foolish, I told myself as I looked back at the ground in front of me. They were humans, I was pretty sure, and they were risking their lives to be there. Why? What about standing around in front of a grim and dingy club was so wonderful that theyd be willing to risk death or eternal damnation? I just didnt understand. The flapping of bat wings came from above, and I lifted my arms to cover my neck, a sob escaping my mouth as I pushed myself to run even faster. I was already moving as quickly as I could, but it wasnt enough. It was just a bird, though. Some were nocturnal, I told myself. It was probably just one of those. Like, an owl or something. They only really came out after dark, and I wasnt sure if they really lived in cities or flew through them often, but they had to do it from time to time, right? Maybe it had gotten lost. That was it. It was just an owl, not a vamp I couldnt even bring myself to think the word; it scared me too much, and my brain refused to do it. It was stupid, ridiculous, but I was terrified that if I thought it, Id somehow summon one of them. The monsters would be drawn to my location, if they werent already circling me and waiting to strike. A tear slipped free from my eye, tracing a warm path down my wind-chilled cheek. The tall metal fence surrounding the accommodation was in view. Once I reached it, once I was inside, Id feel better. I knew I would. It was safe in there. Safer, at least. I wasnt sure if it actually provided any additional security to the people inside. Perhaps it was just an illusion designed to make us feel better about our chances of survival against the many monsters that roamed the world. The metal bars were too flimsy, after all. They were plated with silver and engraved for our protection, but they were spaced too far apart, and the bats and other horrifying creatures could surely slip in. They didnt all need invites, after all. If they managed to get onto campus, if the security was a lie, they could get through the bars. Even if it did nothing, I didnt care. I still wanted to be enclosed within the fence rather than out in the open, where anything could swoop down and steal me away. The worst of the monsters couldnt get through, and that was what I cared most about. Even if they were invited somehow, they needed to have someone with them. A student. They needed to use a key fob to get in. My stomach sank. My key fob. Normally, when it was getting late, Id walk back to the accommodation with my keys clasped in my hand. Then, I could get through the gate quicker, or if anything happened and I was attacked, I could use them as a weapon. I knew they wouldnt do much, but it had to be better than nothing. Maybe it would give me half a second more. Just a moment to get away from them, and that might be all I needed. But my hands were empty. I wasnt holding my keys. In my haste to get packed up with the librarian watching over me and tutting angrily, Id thrown them into my bag. I hadnt even really thought about it. Id been too distracted by him, and I just assumed Id have time or that Id be able to call a taxi or something. My keys were probably somewhere at the bottom of my bag. I risked a glance around at the quiet street. Tears blurred my vision, making it difficult to tell whether it was truly empty, but I thought it was. I couldnt see anything else moving, and the only sounds were my hurried footsteps and frantic gasping. Without breaking my stride, I slung my backpack off one shoulder and ripped the zip open, plunging my hand inside. I fumbled around, trying to feel the cool touch of metal, but I couldnt. I clutched the bag to my chest with my other hand, reaching deeper. Had the librarian somehow taken them? Did he lift them from my bag without me realising, intending to leave me outside in the cold all night, at the mercy of whatever creature finds me? No. When would he have had the chance to do that? They had to be in there somewhere. My heart leapt into my throat as I stepped off the curb without noticing. My foot plunged through the air, and I was sure I was about to fall before it hit the road. The motion shook me, jolted the bag in my hand and sent the corner of my notebook digging into the tender skin of my forearm. I pulled my arm back with a gasp, watching as my notebook was nudged out of the opening of my bag. I tried desperately to grab it as it fell, but I was too slow. The book slammed into my calf on its way to the ground, shooting off to the side, and all I could do was watch it. A sob escaped my mouth. That book was full of seminar notes. Id tried using my laptop during them at first, but the desks in the tiny tutorial rooms were so small, and my laptop was too old and clunky. It took up too much space, and everyone else had much newer models. They were so sleek, and I was too self-conscious to keep bringing it. The notebook was better. It was smaller, and some people still wrote things by hand. Not many, but some did. I didnt retrieve it, though. I couldnt. It was too dangerous to waste any time when I was so close to safety, and every warning Id ever received about taking risks seemed to echo through my mind. Id just have to leave it there. It was right at the edge of the road, anyway. No one would pick it up or do anything to it, so I could just grab it on the way to my lecture in the morning. It would still be there, I told myself as another shuddering sob shook me, and my fingers finally brushed against my keys. Tears flowed freely down my face in a combination of fear and relief that Id found them just as I reached the gate. I pulled my hand out, thrusting them out towards the reader. My sobs were so loud they drowned out all other sound, and I couldnt hear the soft buzz of the fob being accepted or the clunk of the lock opening. It must have, though. I was holding my fob in front of the reader. I reached out, pushing on the gate, but it didnt move. Ice started to wash over me as I stared at it blankly before trying my fob again. Nothing happened, though. The gate didnt move as I tried to shake it. It wasnt opening for me. No no, no, no, I whispered to myself as my hand shot out, reaching for the call bell. A blaring noise crackled from the speakers, and I waited, trying the gate again. Why wasnt it opening? The gate always opened. Id never had any problems with it, and I didnt know anyone who had. The call bell was just there for emergencies, for when someone forgot to bring their fob or something. I pressed the bell again, waiting for security to answer me, but no voice sounded. It always did. Someone was always there. Security were meant to be there throughout the night. They had to answer me. Please! I cried, pressing the button again and again. Please, let me in! Im not a monster. I live here! My fob isnt working. Please! Words slipped from my mouth as desperation grew within me, but my pleas went unanswered. I didnt know what to do. There was no other way to get through the gate unless someone came down and opened it from me. That could work. Maybe if I called one of my flatmates Will. Hed do it. He wasnt as scared as the others. Hed been out even later than I was the other day, so I knew hed come down and open the gate for me. I reached for my pocket, my sweaty hands slipping on the smooth plastic of my phone case. My jeans were too tight. My pocket was barely big enough to fit my phone in the first place, and it was almost impossible to get a grip on it because of how badly my hands were shaking. Noise came from behind me, the rustle of a cloak or maybe the flap of a wing. I wasnt sure, but I didnt turn to check which one it was. Our father, who art in heaven, I started, but it was barely audible between my sobs. Hallow be thy name Dont worry. Youre safe here, a soft voice interrupted me, his words somehow reaching my ears and making my entire body stiffen immediately. Nothing dangerous can enter campus. 4.36 Theres no need for tears, is there? I didnt move. I couldnt. Every single muscle in my body seemed to tense, and I didnt even breathe. I was scared that if I did, if I moved at all, something would happen. I wasnt sure what, but Id be attacked. The silence that seemed to have settled over me would shatter in an instant, and it would be too late for me. Id be dead before I even realised what happened. The voice was unfamiliar, though. I didnt recognise it, and I didnt know the person or creature it came from, but that didnt matter. I didnt need to know who he was to be certain of what he was, and his voice gave that away. It made the answer far too obvious, even though Id never heard one talk before. It was too beautiful, too rich, but dangerously so. Somehow, even just those few words had been enough to conjure a vision in my mind. His voice, that deliciously warm sound, reminded me of a roaring fireplace on a cold, snowy day, and I longed to curl up in front of it. It was warm and enticing, and I could feel the desire to lower my guard and give in. It might be worth it if it meant I could bathe in the warm glow of the creature standing beside me, to let his words wash over me, pushing all worries aside. There was power flickering beneath the surface of his words, though. It was restrained and tightly controlled, but I could feel it. The creature had spoken softly, his tone light, but it was clear he was far too powerful. I tried not to look up at him, not to meet his gaze. That was the safest way. Wed been warned not to do it. There were classes in school when the whole thing began. Theyd tried to teach us what to do and how to ensure we survived, but it was too late. My chin was already lifting, and my eyes sought him out. His expression brightened as I met his gaze, and fear gripped my heart even as I felt the tension drain from my body. My muscles seemed to be relaxing, and I fought to retain some of it. It was wrong. I should have still been tensed and prepared to fight. I was still in danger. The beautiful man before me was dangerous. But he seemed so happy that I was looking at him. I could see the pride radiating from his as I held his gaze, fighting the urge to drop my chin again, and it made my stomach clench in longing. I wanted to do it again. I needed him to continue to be proud of me, but I didnt know how. A strange desperation rose within me, clawing at my throat as that realisation sunk in. I had no clue how to make him feel proud of me. I didnt know what he wanted, and that worried me. How could I possibly ensure I was meeting and exceeding his expectations if I didnt even know what they were? It was impossible, and I could feel the panic starting to spike in my chest. That shouldnt have been what was making me panic, though, a small voice in the back of my mind tried to shout. I shouldnt have been worried about how to please the man smiling down at me. I should have been trying to work out how to get away from him. My safety should have been my main concern, but it wasnt. It barely even occurred to me anymore. Thats better, darling. Theres no need for tears, is there? he murmured, reaching out to wipe my cheeks. I felt myself leaning into his touch before I could stop myself, and the warmth of his skin was a surprise to me. It felt wrong. Id always assumed his kind were cold, that their touch was meant to be like the cold, icy touch of death. That was how they were always portrayed in books and movies. They were corpse-like and lifeless, but they were all wrong. He was so warm and filled with life. It was probably the stolen blood coursing through his body. He needed that to continue living or whatever it was that he did. That must have been the reason he felt that way. It had even made his cheeks a little flushed. He looked windswept, and it was strangely adorable. The man cocked his head to the side, his expression expectant, and I stared up at him blankly. What was he waiting for, I asked myself. It was clear he wanted something from me, but I couldnt figure out what exactly. Hed asked me a question. Hed said something that warranted a response, but I had no clue what that had been. It had slipped from my mind the moment the words had left his lips, and all I could do was stare up into his warm eyes. They were too distracting. Somehow, they were the exact shade of molten chocolate, and they appeared almost as if they were lit from within. They looked rich and warm, and a shiver slipped down my spine as my lips stretched into a smile for no reason. I was just lost in his eyes, and that made me feel comfortable and happy. But Id still not answered him, I had to remind myself. I had no clue how much time had passed since he spoke, but hed been waiting for a response the whole time. What was I meant to say when I couldnt figure out the question? I wasnt sure if that even mattered, though. Even if I knew what hed asked me, I wasnt certain Id be able to get any words out. I felt as though my voice had been stolen from me, and I couldnt access it anymore. If I could, I would have screamed in an attempt to scare the man off or get people to come and help me. Part of me wanted to, even though it was dangerous. Id be putting others at risk, forcing the man to act or do something to shut me up, but that wasnt the main reason I stayed silent. I was too aware that if anyone was stupid enough to try and fight the man, he could get hurt. Some of the dorms had been prepared. The people inside were foolish. They were reckless. Theyd posted pictures of their emergency kits in the group chat. Theyd shared images of stakes theyd whittled themselves, of fresh and dried garlic granules, silver or iron powder, and preserved wolfsbane. They were ready, excited even. There was even talk of going out hunting for them. Some people actually suggested it, and I couldnt believe it when I read it. Why would anyone want to court death like that? The creatures were stronger than us. They were all more powerful, and the chances of any humans being able to kill one of them were so low, but I wasnt willing to risk it. I didnt want anything to happen to the man before me, and I cared more about that than I did for my own safety. But I needed to answer him. If I couldnt speak, Id have to resort to a non-verbal response, and that was fine. I could nod or shake my head, and I was sure that would be enough for him. I just had to pick one and do that rather than keep him waiting. Hed get impatient and bored of me, and I didnt want that. Nodding would be good, I told myself. I wasnt sure what hed said, but I wanted to agree with the man. He was probably right, after all. He seemed too wise; his eyes were alight with intelligence. Whatever hed said must have been correct. But nodding didnt always mean agreement, I realised with a flash of panic as my head started to move. What if hed said something negative, something that meant Id have to shake my head to agree with him? Then, Id be disagreeing with him, and I couldnt do that. It would disappoint the man. Anguish pulled at me, making the decision so much harder than it needed to be. I almost wanted to cry, but I couldnt. I just needed to do it. I needed to do something. Hesitantly, and whilst praying I was making the correct decision, I shook my head. Immediately, the mans smile grew, and triumph flared in my heart, overshadowing the negative emotion Id felt just moments before. Id chosen correctly. Id done the right thing, and the man was proud of me. He was so handsome when he smiled. Id known he was handsome before, obviously, but the smile made his whole face light up, and my heart fluttered unsteadily in response. I felt weak. My knees were weak and could have given away at any moment, but I couldnt do anything to help them. Good, he said, his voice dipping slightly lower. What are you doing out so late? Dont worry. You can answer me. He hadnt stepped back, I realised. Hed moved closer to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but hed stayed there. He was so close that I was finding it hard to breathe, and I knew that I technically could have been the one to do something about that, but the thought of taking a step back was abhorrent to me. I wasnt sure Id survive it, even if I were to move away. It felt like I wouldnt. My heart would stop beating, or my lungs would refuse to work. I was almost certain that I wouldnt be able to breathe without him, but it was so easy when I was close. Each inhale brought his scent with it. The heady mix of old books, polish and freshly roasted coffee filled my nose every time, and I loved it. Did his kind even drink coffee? I assumed they didnt, but there was so much I didnt know about them. Id never really been taught. Wed just been told they were terrifying creatures that we should run from, that if we were unfortunate enough to be caught, we would be killed. Whoever said that must have never met the man standing before me. They cant have done. Otherwise, they would have been saying something very different. This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. They were right, I tried to tell myself. I shouldnt answer him, shouldnt say anything. It would be stupid and foolish. I needed to try, try and remember everything Id ever been taught in those classes, but the memories were too distant. They were held out of my reach, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt get to them. It was too late anyway. The man had told me to answer him, and I couldnt refuse him even if I wanted to. His words had loosened my tongue, removed the blockage that had made it impossible to speak, and my mouth was already opening. He was in control of my body and what I did. I got caught up in the library, I said haltingly, cringing at the sound of my own voice. I barely even recognised it. It sounded strange, even to my own ears. Id never noticed how harsh it sounded before, how rough yet nasal it was. It was nothing like the smooth, flowing tone of the man I was staring up at, and that disgusted me. It felt wrong and made me never want to speak again so that Id only have to hear his voice for the rest of my life. That would be fine. It would be more than fine, actually. Id love it, but I was sure hed grow bored of being the only one to talk. If he were to ask me another question, if he wanted to learn more about me, I had no doubt that I would answer it. I wouldnt even hesitate to do so. Oh, youre a student? he asked, seemingly surprised. He shouldnt have been surprised, I told myself harshly. I was on campus. I had a key fob, and I was trying to get into the student accommodation before he had interrupted me, so it was pretty obvious. Only students lived there, after all. The flats inside the metal cage I was standing in front of were reserved for first-year undergraduate students. There was even a sign that stated that, and there was no way he didnt know that. I longed to point that out, to gesture to the plaque just behind him that clearly explained it, but my arms wouldnt move, and the thought of actually saying it made my stomach turn in horror. I wouldnt say it, couldnt say it, and it didnt really matter what I wanted to say anyway. Words were already slipping from my lips without input from my brain. Yes. Are you? Me? the man said, laying a hand on his chest, his expression taken aback. Thankfully, he didnt seem annoyed, I noticed. Mirth danced in his eyes, and he appeared delighted by my question. That shouldnt have mattered to me, but it did. I wanted to delight the man, for him to enjoy speaking to me and want to keep me around. That would be ideal. I loved being near him. It was obvious he wasnt a student, though. I was vaguely aware of that face. Monsters like him were not enrolled at the university. They couldnt be, and that almost felt wrong. They should be allowed to, just like humans. It would be better that way, wouldnt it? I mean, they deserved to be able to study too. They could be passionate and interested in things, right? The man certainly seemed to be. Yes, I said quickly, realising the man was waiting for an answer again. He threw his head back in response, a laugh escaping his lips. I felt my jaw drop open as I stared unashamedly at him. I couldnt stop myself from drinking in his appearance, soaking in the beautiful sound flowing from him. I could almost feel it wrapping itself around me, the grip becoming tighter and tighter, and I knew that if I died right there in that moment, Id be happy. It would be a good way to go. An alarm seemed to be going off in the back of my mind as my eyes found his ever so slightly pointed canines, but it felt so detached, so distant. I felt no fear at all. Perhaps the alarm was real. Maybe it was ringing in real life, and I just thought it was happening in that world. The sound could have been reaching between them and making it feel like I should be scared. It would have been wise to check. I should have pulled myself back from the world where I was speaking to the beautiful man and made sure that nothing terrible was happening in my reality, but I couldnt bring myself to do it. I was too enthralled by the man, and I didnt care enough about anywhere else, which should have unnerved me much more than it did. Too soon, the man straightened up again. The laughter died down to a soft chuckle, and he wiped the tears from his eyes. As soon as the sound was gone, I missed it. Its absence felt physical, as if something necessary had been ripped from me, and it hurt. My chest hurt. My heart was gripped with pain, and I longed to make him laugh again. That would be a balm to my aching soul. I was. Long ago. Its been quite some time since I entered a university, though, he says finally. Whats your name? Dont tell him. The thought flashed to the front of my mind, and I tried to press my lips together to hold it back, but there was no use. The desire to tell him, to divulge my deepest secrets and everything I was ashamed of, was too strong to resist, and I wasnt sure I even wanted to anymore. I was tired, so tired of fighting to survive. Why not give in? It would be so much easier. Grace. My name hung in the air between us, and I was suddenly aware that I had passed the point of no return. There was no turning back; Id already gone too far. Even if I were to change my mind and try to run, it would be pointless. The man would be able to find me. He would stop at nothing to do so. It would be nothing more than a game to him. I would be fighting for survival, frantic and terrified, and he would be entertained. Hed enjoy spending every night outside my dorm. Hed follow me home to my parents house every holiday, stalking me and terrorising me until I finally slipped up or gave in. I wasnt strong enough to resist him for long. I was aware of that. Before the end of the term, I was sure that Id be within his grasp. He already had power over me; I could feel it. Hed already seized control of my mind, and if he were to infiltrate my dreams, Id be driven manic with longing. I wouldnt be able to stop myself from going to meet him. And if I were to run, it would be a mistake. As much as the idea of him chasing and waiting for me sent a shiver through my body and caused goosebumps to erupt on my arms, I knew it was wrong. I would be giving up the one thing I truly wanted, and I would become prey to him. When he inevitably caught me, he would kill me. It would be slow. My pain would be drawn out, and his beautiful laughter would fill the room, drowning out my cries. But if I didnt fight Perhaps I could stand at his side. I could be his partner, his equal. A desire, a determination flowed into me, filling me with strength. Id never aspired to anything like that before, and I was sure Id never feel such certainty ever again. The man seemed to notice the shift within me. His lips lifted into a smile, revealing his perfectly white teeth. They seemed to have grown sharper since I saw them moments before, and I expected a wave of terror to crash into me, but it didnt come. I felt nothing. It was a relief not to be scared anymore, to have given in. For so long, I cowered away from the things I thought were monsters. I hurried to get home before dark, stayed out of the forest and plugged my ears whenever we approached the sea, pretending I couldnt hear the haunt whispers that reached out to me. I thought it was the only way, that I had no other option than to be terrified, but I never knew just how good it felt to give in. I wanted to sink into that feeling. The draw of it, its appeal, was too strong, and I yearned for the blissful nothingness that seemed so close. The fear that had so recently gripped me was gone. It had been washed away, and the only trace was in the still-drying tears on my cheeks, but Id never feel like that again. Not with the man at my side. Id never be scared again. Grace, he repeated, seeming to savour the sensation of my name upon his tongue. A shiver of delight traced its way down my spine. It sounded so beautiful on his lips, and I wanted to hear him say my name again. I longed to hear it again and again, every day for the rest of my life, no matter how long that was. I just needed to listen to him say it once more, but I didnt know how to ask for that. How could I? I didnt know his name, I realised. Id given him my name, but Id not even asked for his. That felt wrong. Rude. It seemed as though I was uninterested in him, and that wasnt true. I wanted to know everything about him. Id happily listen to him talk for hours if I could. Whats your name? I asked, the question coming out hesitant and uncertain. The man cocked his head to the side, his eyes fixed on my face as he considered the question. Had I done something wrong? Was it rude to ask him for that information? I didnt know. I didnt know anything about vampire etiquette, and the urge to apologise roared within me. Tears burned behind my eyes as my shame grew stronger, and I had to fight not to let them escape. It would be wrong. Bad. He wouldnt like it if I cried, and I knew that. I had to be stronger and hold them in. Hugo, he said eventually, his voice so soft it was barely above a whisper. Relief slammed into me, making my knees even weaker, and I almost stumbled. Hugo, I repeated just as quietly, causing a smile to appear on his face. It was softer than before. More gentle. Pride soared within my heart, making me forget the sadness and guilt Id felt before. All I could focus on was that I had made him smile. It felt like a victory, a triumph. I wanted to shout it, scream it from the rooftop of the flat. I had made the man, Hugo, smile. Well then, Grace, he said, savouring my name just as much as he had before. Would you like to come with me? A final, frantic flare of rebellion burned within me, making me hesitate for just a moment. The awareness that if I were to go with him, I would die, was too strong. It was too clear. I didnt know where he intended to take me, but I was certain that he would drain me. He would suck the blood from my body and leave my lifeless corpse abandoned at the side of a road for someone to find. My parents would be terrified. They would suspect the worst, but theyd hold out hope. My dad would cling to it until my body was recovered, and even then, I knew hed silently pray that the police were wrong. It wouldnt matter if he saw it, if he were the one to identify my corpse. He would spend the rest of his life waiting for me to come back somehow. I needed to say no. I had to take a step back and put some distance between us. If I did that, I had a chance. I could Yes, I heard myself say. Hugos lips curled, and he reached towards me, offering his hand. In the back of my mind, I screamed. I pounded against the restraints keeping me silent, thrashed and fought to escape, but my arm was already moving. My fingers slipped into his warm grasp, and a haze of belonging settled over me. 4.37 Matching. A tremor wracked my body, and I threw myself backwards, but Hugos grip stayed tight on my hand, tethering me to the world. I fought against it, ripping myself away from him as dizziness slammed into me, leaving me breathless. I jolted in the chair, my heart pounding and my chest heaving as if Id just run a marathon. My eyes turned wide, darting back and forth as I took in my surroundings and searched for my mom. I was terrified that shed noticed my reaction, and I knew that wouldnt have been good. It was too obvious. The fear that Id felt fading away, slipping from my body, so recently seemed to have returned in an instant. It crashed back into me, the intensity stronger than it had been before the man found me, and it was far too noticeable. If my mom looked at me, shed be able to see how hard I was panting. There was nothing I could do about it, though. I was on the brink of hyperventilating. Sweat beaded on my forehead, and desperation soared within me, but my mind was distracted. It was fixed on one fact, and I could barely focus on anything else. I gave in so easily. I didnt want to go with the creature. I knew it was a bad idea and that it would lead to my death, but I barely fought against it. The screams, the arguing in the back of my mind, were nothing. I still let it take me. No. I went willingly. Despite knowing what he intended to do to me, I was happy to go with Hugo. That didnt matter at all. I didnt really care about it. The only thing I could bring myself to think about was him, and that was terrifying. He was too enticing. Something about him drew me in and captivated me. He made me feel safe and wanted, and I didnt want to fight anymore. I didnt want to resist or pull away. I just wanted to go with him, and that was wrong. I should have been stronger than that. I should have pushed him away and ran. But how could I resist him? The peace Id felt, the one brought on by his presence, almost made me want to cry. I knew it was wrong; the sensation wasnt real. It was just an illusion that Hugo, that the monster, made me feel, and I didnt want that. Not really, anyway. It was wrong. My thoughts were unconvincing, even to myself. Longing burning in my heart so intensely that it hurt. I felt nauseous, gripped by the realisation that I would never feel so calm, so at ease, ever again. It wasnt possible for me to not be scared or anxious. Not for me. At least my mom hadnt noticed my panic, though. I was alone in the car, I realised as I sagged back against the seat in relief and peered through the window. Wed stopped at a service station, and she must have gone in to use the bathroom or have a cigarette or something. Confusion washed over me. How long was I in the other world? I had no idea. The conversion of time between worlds wasnt always as straightforward as it should have been, but it must have been a while because I felt like wed stopped at a service station pretty recently. Hadnt we? I couldnt actually remember. My mind was hazy from panic and my rapid departure from the other world. Everything still felt a bit uncertain and not quite real, but it was quickly becoming more solid. I could have just checked my phone, I realised. Then, Id know what time it was, but I didnt really want to. I wanted to cling to the hope that a lot of time had passed whilst I was gone for a little longer. It was better to be ignorant and unaware than to have that hope crushed so soon. I was pretty sure we were still in Scotland, though. The world around the car was too green. My mom had parked right at the edge of the car park, and it quickly gave way to a forest. That didnt tend to happen in England, in my experience, so we couldnt have gotten far. A disappointed groan threatened to escape my lips as I eyed the entrance to the service station, checking to make sure my mom wasnt approaching. I couldnt see her, thankfully. That was good. I wanted a little more time to get my breathing back under control. It was needed. I was still breathing far too fast, and if she noticed, shed have something to say about it. I knew she would. Pulling down the sun visor, I flipped the mirror open and stared at my reflection. My eyes widened slightly as I took myself in, my gaze landing on the giant bags beneath my eyes. I looked exhausted. That was my first thought. I couldnt quite believe how dark theyd gotten, and I was certain they were much larger than they had been before. It looked like Id been punched. My nose must have been broken somehow. That was the only logical explanation for why I looked so wretched. I lifted my hand towards my face cautiously. I couldnt remember being hit in the face, not in reality or in the other world, but it could have happened. Maybe I somehow headbutted the window in my sleep, or the creature, Hugo, had done it after I left the world. Perhaps he felt me leave and tried to keep me there. That wasnt realistic. I was pretty sure it couldnt have happened, but I still found myself grimacing as my fingers drew closer to my face and touched my nose softly. I was anticipating pain. I thought it would have hurt, but there was none. Was it stress? The multiple horrible worlds in a row must have been having an impact on me, and maybe that was what had caused my bags to suddenly be so much worse. It would have made sense. I felt like they were impacting me. I was so tired, both physically and emotionally, and I just wanted it all to stop. I wished I could stop finding myself in terrifying places where everyone I loved died before I got shot. My eyes flicked towards the entrance of the service station again. My mom still wasnt there, I realised, and that meant I had time. I could finally check whether my chest was bruised from that other world where I got shot, and I needed to know. The pain was still there. It still ached slightly when I moved, but I had to see if there was a mark. Quickly, I scanned the car park around me to make sure no one was nearby. I didnt want anyone to see what I was about to do in case it looked weird or if there was a huge bruise. They might come over or something, and I couldnt think of anything worse than being trapped in the car as someone came towards me to bombard me with questions. If I didnt open the door and answer them, they might wait until my mom got back to ask her what had happened to me, and the mere thought of that sent a shiver of panic through me. I double-checked to make sure no one was paying any attention to me before pulling the neckline of my jumper to the side and staring down at the place where Id felt the bullet hit me. My eyebrows pulled together, and I looked around again before my gaze returned to my chest. There was the faintest of red marks on my skin, but it was barely noticeable. It wasnt even a proper bruise. It was just a shadow, nothing more. It could get darker, though. Perhaps it would start as a red smudge before growing darker and darker until it was impossible to miss. I didnt think it would, though. When Id been shot in the stomach at the Academy, that had bruised immediately. The moment Id gotten back to my real world, the bruise had been almost black, so it was promising. Surely, that meant it was going to stay light. A smile flitted across my lips as I let go of my jumper, letting it fall back into place. I hoped it didnt get any darker. Then, I wouldnt have to wear jumpers and high necklines for the rest of the summer. I could still wear a dress for my date with Duncan if I wanted. If it was a date, that was. I still wasnt entirely sure, but Id figure it out at some point, I assumed. It would become obvious, wouldnt it? Either something would happen to make it clear that he only saw me as a friend or hed do something that made it clear he saw me in a different way, in a romantic way. Would he kiss me? The thought came out of nowhere, and immediately, my cheeks began to burn. I glanced in the mirror, lifting my hands to my face as I saw how pink Id turned. Id never really thought about that. I hadnt considered that Duncan might actually want to kiss me, and I I didnt know what to think about it. My brain seemed to stutter to a halt before restarting, but my thoughts were fleeting. They raced past too quickly for me to hold them, and I couldnt work out what I was feeling or why my heart was pounding quite so fast. Was I scared? I felt scared. It wasnt the normal fear, though. I wasnt terrified and wanting to avoid the situation. In fact I think I wanted it. I did. Maybe. He was my friend. Duncan was one of my best friends, one of my only friends. It felt wrong for me to admit that maybe I wanted to kiss him, and I wasnt sure. Id figure it out later, I decided as I glanced towards the entrance of the service station again. At some point, Id work out how I truly felt about Duncan, but I didnt have to do that immediately. It was too confusing, too scary, and I was exhausted. I just wanted to do nothing and think of nothing. My vision drifted out of focus as I stared blankly out the window, letting my mind empty and the world continue to move around me. I wasnt sure how much time was passing. I barely paid attention to it. I just existed. Stolen story; please report. I was too tired, that was why, I decided. That was why my thoughts were so frantic yet unfocused. Id not gotten enough sleep in a while, and it was still early in the day. It was far too early for how much Id already been through. Watching my friends die, being forced to watch myself give up control and It was too much. I needed to fall into bed and sleep for at least twelve hours. That would help. It would fix things, and Id be able to do it soon. As soon as we got home, Id see my dad again, which I was really excited about, and then Id go upstairs and collapse on my bed. Perhaps I wouldnt even get changed first. I could just curl up under the duvet in the clothes I was already wearing, and that would be fine. I was going to sleep so well. I could already tell, and I was so excited for that. Maybe I wouldnt have any dreams either. I was so exhausted that I could barely summon any thoughts, so I wasnt sure whether my mind would be able to conjure up any weird or horrifying dreams for me. Hopefully, it wouldnt. That would be better. Then, I could just rest. My eyes found the screens lining the service station windows, and I stared at them for a little while as my brain slowly worked out what was happening. A soft chuckle escaped my lips. Someone must have messed something up when they were programming the screens. They should have been looping through advertisements or something, but the speed was wrong. Usually, they lingered on each ad for a little while, but they were changing so quickly that I had no clue what any of them were for. The picture barely had the chance to appear before it was whisked away and replaced with something new. And, they were all changing at the same time. It was kind of a weird sight, and I couldnt help but wonder whether that was normal. Did screens like that usually change simultaneously? I wasnt sure. I never really paid that much attention to the ads before. They were always boring and advertised things I didnt really care about or already knew about and wanted, so why bother? It was a little unsettling, I decided as I watched every screen continue to loop. They just looked a bit wrong, but no one else seemed to have noticed. They were mostly just keeping their heads down as they hurried between the service station and their cars, eager to be on their way again. My eyebrows drew together slightly as something pulled at me. I glanced at the cars around me, trying to work out where the creeping sense of wrongness that I couldnt quite push away was coming from. Something was off. I knew that, but I couldnt figure out what it was. It felt like I was missing something, like there was something I should have noticed or done but I hadnt. I took a deep breath, trying to focus. Why would something be wrong, I asked myself. Was it my mom? That was the most obvious answer. Was she mad at me? Probably. It felt like she was most of the time, but why? What could have happened for her to get annoyed this time, I wondered. Was I meant to be meeting her inside? Panic sparked within me, and my hand twitched automatically towards the door handle. I couldnt remember. I hadnt been paying much attention when my mom had gone into the service station, and I couldnt remember exactly what shed said. I was still in the other world, and I must have missed it. She could have easily told me to meet her in there. How long had she been waiting for me? Perhaps she was in there, slowly growing more and more furious. Surely, she would have texted me, though. If she was expecting me to join her in one of the shops and I hadnt, there was no way she would have just waited for me to appear. I would have gotten a call or something, but I had no missed calls or texts from her. My hand drifted towards the buckle of my seat belt. Mom still hadnt come out, though. It was starting to concern me, and part of me felt like I should go out and look for her. Would that make her suspicious, though? I could always just say that I realised I needed to use the bathroom too, or I got hungry. I could probably lie convincingly enough. I undid the seat belt before freezing again. My gaze roamed the inside of the car, checking the cup holders and Moms seat for the keys before I leaned to the side, making sure they hadnt been left in the engine. She did that sometimes rather than just handing them to me, and I hated it. It didnt make me feel safe. Anyone could just open the car and drive off, but Mom didnt seem to care. The keys werent there, though. She hadnt left them with me, and that meant I couldnt get out of the car. I had no way to lock it if I wanted to go into the station, and all our luggage was still in the car. If I were to just leave the car unlocked, someone could easily steal something, and then Mom would be furious. Even if nothing happened, if we got back to the car and everything was still there, Id never hear the end of it. Shed call me irresponsible and reckless. Stupid. And shed be right. It would be a stupid and irresponsible thing to do, but I was still tempted to do it just in case. But surely, if she hadnt left the keys with me, she couldnt be expecting me to come in and find her. That wouldnt make sense because she must have known it wouldnt be safe for me to leave the car. She couldnt get mad at me for not doing that, could she? I mean, she had before, but I doubted shed do it again. It was my fault last time, according to her. She blamed me for not reminding her to leave them behind, and maybe I should have been paying more attention. I could have asked her to give them to me before she went in, but I hadnt, and it was too late. I chewed my lip, eyeing the entrance of the service station as I tried to work out what to do. Should I text her? If I messaged her and asked her to grab me a drink or something, I could mention that I didnt want to leave the car because I didnt have the keys, so it wasnt safe, and then maybe she wouldnt get annoyed. Shed realise I was making a smart decision, right? Or shed just refuse to read it and get angry anyway. Maybe it was worth a try, though. My hand closed around my phone, and my eyes flicked towards the doors again, half expecting to see her storming out, but instead, confusion washed over me. I leaned forward in my seat, staring at the two people whod just exited the building. They were dressed in matching clothing. For some reason, that realisation was enough to shake me from my panic. I was being ridiculous and getting worked up over nothing. It was silly and pointless, and I knew it, but it was hard to stop myself. I needed to focus on something else, I told myself as I continued to watch the two women surreptitiously. Then, Id stop overthinking it, and Mom would be back soon. Did they realise they were wearing the same outfit, I wondered. I wasnt actually sure. It didnt seem like they were together; one of them was walking about ten steps behind the other, and they werent dressed in anything too unusual. Jeans and a white, slightly oversized shirt were a fairly normal thing to wear during the summer, but it was just weird that they were so close, and it did seem like the shirts were identical. They were both distracted by their phones, though. It seemed unlikely that theyd realised, and that almost made me want to point it out to them. I was close enough that I could have opened the door and called out to them, but there was no way I could bring myself to do that. Id probably terrify the poor women, and it would have been so weird. Normal people didnt do that kind of thing, and I knew that. But it would be kind of disappointing if they didnt notice. It was a kind of weird but funny coincidence, and how often did it happen? How often did someone run into a person wearing exactly the same clothes as them? I couldnt remember it ever happening to me before, but maybe it was more common than I thought. Perhaps it just didnt happen to me because I didnt wear anything particularly stylish. Maybe if I did, it would happen all the time. My gaze roamed the car park lazily, checking to see what other people were wearing. There was a guy by the door who was dressed in an outfit not too different to mine. His hair was messy, and he looked as though he hadnt slept in a week, but he was wearing a hoodie and a pair of dark skinny jeans. I was in leggings, so they werent exactly the same, but it was close enough. I looked away, my eyes falling on people sitting on the bench not far from him. Slowly, my eyebrows began to pull together, and I craned my head to get a better look at them. The girl had a hoodie on. There was no pattern or print, just like the guys. It was the same colour too, and I couldnt see what else she was wearing, but I almost suspected she was wearing black skinny jeans. That was weird. Maybe it did happen all the time, I told myself hesitantly. Perhaps I just never really paid that much attention to peoples clothing before, but I suddenly couldnt stop. There was another person. The man walking across the car park behind my car. He was wearing the exact same hoodie and jeans as the other two, but that wasnt it. One of the women he was with wore a white shirt and light blue jeans, and the other wore a navy button-down dress. I could see four other women wearing that exact dress, I realised as I looked around. No, five. Another had just climbed out of their car. Why was everyone wearing the same outfits? Something weird was happening. There was something strange going on at the service station, and I stared ahead blankly, trying to ignore how fast my heart was beating. It was nothing. It was probably just nothing. I was just overthinking things, and nothing strange or weird was happening. The clothes probably werent actually that similar at all, or maybe there was just a local shop that only sold a few pieces. People just had to go for whatever it stocked, and that meant they often dressed the same. Maybe that was why no one else seemed to have noticed it. They were all used to it. My frantic stream of thoughts did nothing to force down the sense of dread that continued to rise within me as I stared ahead, not wanting to look away from the car parked in front in case I saw something else that scared me. It felt safer that way. If I just continued to focus on it until my mom got back, Id be fine. I wouldnt have the chance to get any more worked up over anything else because I wouldnt be able to see anything other than that car. But it wasnt working. There was something off about that car too. It was eerily familiar, and for a moment, I wasnt sure why that was, but then it hit me. It was my moms car. The car parked in front of us was the exact model and colour of the car I was sitting in. That wasnt too weird, though. Lots of people had the same car, and the colour wasnt anything special. It was just one of the standard shades the dealership offered; I was pretty sure about that, anyway. Still, I couldnt stop myself from ripping my eyes away from the car, needing to confirm a suspicion that pulled at the back of my mind. Almost every car in the car park was the same. There were only three different ones. There was my moms car, a posher-looking black car or a bright red Ford. I couldnt see any others in the entire car park. There were no other colours, no other models, and I turned in my seat, trying to find anything that didnt match, but I couldnt. Why was everything the same? Why were the people wearing the same outfits, and what was going on? Something wasnt right. There was something going on in that world, and I didnt know what it was, but I felt myself reaching out desperately for the dizzinesses that always lingered at the back of my mind. 4.38 Run, Grace, Run. Pain pounded in my heart as I searched the sensations hovering at the corners of my mind, trying to figure out whether the one I wanted was there. They pulled at me, jostling and making it difficult to wade through them, but finally, I found the one I was looking for. Equal parts terror and relief exploded within me as I gripped it. I was correct. The world I was in didnt feel right because it wasnt, and that was such a relief to know for certain. I hadnt even noticed it happening, but I must have entered the wrong place by mistake when I was fleeing Hugo. That was good. It meant there was nothing going on with me, and I wasnt seeing things. It just wasnt my real world. The world I was in was wrong, not me, so when I went back there, everything would be okay. Well, not okay. I would still be trapped in the car with my mom, and we still had far too many hours ahead of us, but it would be better than whatever was happening in the world I was in. It would be normal. Once I went back there, everything would be fine. I could just sit there and do nothing for the next six hours or so. It might be more than that, actually. I wasnt sure how long we had left until wed get home, but I could probably manage it. Or maybe Id go back to the Academy. My loneliness was crushing. It was suffocating, but I could cope with it. Id explored the alternatives, after all. Every other world was awful, so maybe it would be easier to deal with feeling a bit alone. Or I could make friends with the other people there, the trainees who were already out of the Induction Wing. Obviously, they were terrifying, but that was fine. Id dealt with terrifying things. If I could manage that, if I could face Anya and watch Phoebe die, I could talk to a person Id never met before. They were probably really nice, anyway. They seemed it. A smile played around my lips as I tightened my grip around my real world and pulled it towards me. I waited expectantly for it to surge forward, as it always did, and consume me, but it didnt. Confusion rose within me as I tried again, tugging at the world and trying to will myself to feel dizzy, but nothing happened. My vision stayed in focus. The car around me refused to spin, and the air stayed in my lungs. I didnt even feel a hint of vertigo. It didnt want me. The world refused to drag me in. It just stayed stubbornly where it was, and I pulled at it harder, trying to force my way out of the world, but it didnt work. Absolutely nothing was happening, and the dizziness refused to reach out towards me. It seemed to be fighting against me. I couldnt leave. For some reason, I was trapped in the world, tethered to it. I could almost feel the shackles that had been tightened around my wrist, holding me in place and slowly dragging me deeper and deeper into the world. My eyes flicked from side to side, watching as the world became more realistic, more solid, around me, and my heart began to race. I didnt want it. I didnt want to be stuck in that world. It terrified me, and I didnt know what was happening there. There was something, something strange about it, but I didnt know what. Why was everything the same? Why were the people dressed in matching outfits, and why were there only three different types of cars? The screens, I remembered, my gaze snapping towards the rapidly changing advertisements that continued to cycle continuously. What was happening with them, and why did no one care? I didnt know. I wasnt sure of the answer to any of those questions, and I didnt want to know. I wanted to leave the world, run far away from it and never look back. It was cowardly. I knew that, but that didnt matter to me. I was used to feeling weak, used to being scared, and I wanted it to stop. The version of me who lived in that world, whoever it was, could deal with it. Or not. Maybe Id die there, but there was nothing I could do about it. Not really. Even if I were to stay in the world forever, I doubted there was anything I could do to prevent myself from being killed. It was more likely that Id just be stuck there alongside the other version of me, forced to endlessly suffer and die. Desperation rose within me, clawing at my throat, and my heart thudded in my ears as I reached towards the familiar dizziness one more. It was a frantic, hopeless attempt, but a sob threatened to escape as I tried to pull it towards myself, but I could barely even feel the real world. I couldnt feel the car moving around me. Moms music, which I knew must have been blasting in the real world, was too distant. It was too far away. My eyes darted around, searching for something, anything, that would help me leave the world, but I didnt find anything. There was nothing. I was trapped there, and I didnt know what to do. I just knew I needed to find a way to get out before it was too late. What would happen, I asked myself. What would happened if I didnt manage to escape? Would I be trapped there forever? Was that even possible? It couldnt be. There was no way I could be sucked into another world and not be able to get away from it. That couldnt happen to me. The other worlds werent real. They were just a figment of my imagination. A black car drove past the rear window, and my gaze snapped up to the mirror, watching it as my chest heaved. The driver, a woman in a navy button-down dress, didnt look at me. Her eyes stayed fixed on the path ahead of her, but I stared at it until it reached the exit of the car park and pulled out onto the road beyond. It could work, I thought, chewing my lip as an idea came to me. Maybe There were a few cars moving around the car park. They werent going particularly quick, but perhaps it could still work. If I timed it right, if I chose one that was going faster than the rest and jumped in front of it, the pain might be enough to catapult me out of the world. That happened sometimes. It had worked before, at least. That was what did it in the world where Phoebe died. I wasnt even really trying to leave the world, but Id gotten shot. That was what had thrown me from it, and I didnt even realise it was happening. My mind didnt need to reach for home. I didnt have to pull at the unyielding dizziness. I was forced to return. My hand twitched towards the door handle before freezing as another realisation slammed into me. There was no guarantee that it would work. Pain didnt always cause me to leave a world. There were some where Id experienced agony, where Id been tortured and endured so much suffering, but Id stayed there. Anyas face floated behind my eyes, and I flinched away from her. I knew she was just in my head. She wasnt really there, but the flare of terror she sent through me felt too real. The pain she had caused me was more intense than anything Id ever felt before. It had made bile burn in the back of my throat. My vision had become clouded, and my hearing faded. I could barely breathe as my body was set alight with sheer agony, but Id stayed there. I didnt leave the world until my alarm went off, tearing me from it. It could happen again. If I were to leap in front of a car, to feel my bones crunch and shatter, it might not work. I could be forced to stay in the world, able to feel everything as I lay on the rough tarmac with people shouting around me, screaming for someone to call an ambulance. I could almost hear it. My imagination was so strong. The voices felt so real for a moment, and it was as if Id actually done it, as if Id thrown myself from the car without even realising. A shudder tore through me, and I blinked, shaking my head. I couldnt do it. The thought of killing myself in that world turned my stomach. It felt so inherently wrong to end the life of a version of me, even if it wasnt the real me. Regardless of whatever was happening there, of whether it actually existed or was just a figment of my imagination, the world felt real to that version of me. It felt like a life, and I couldnt bring that to a close. I couldnt stop them from existing just because I was scared and wanted to leave the world. That would make me a monster. If I were to kill a version of myself, even if they were just in my mind, it would be wrong. If someone did that to me, Id be furious. Id be heartbroken, and I knew that it was different. I was the real me. I was the original, but still. There was no way I could do it. I took a deep breath, trying to get my panic under control. It was probably unnecessary, I told myself. I could just be getting worked up over nothing. That happened sometimes. Quite often, actually. My mind was prone to panic. It was familiar, comfortable, almost. That was what I knew. Whenever something went wrong, it was an immediate automatic reaction, but it wasnt needed. Perhaps there was nothing strange happening in the world. I couldnt access all of my memories yet, so maybe I was missing something important. It could be completely normal for people to drive the same cars and wear the same outfits. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. Maybe it was a rule, actually. A law. There might have been a limited number of outfits that people were allowed to wear, so it made sense that so many people were wearing that dress or the jeans and white shirt. If they only had a few items they could choose from, of course, some people would be dressed matching. That was probably why they were so unbothered by it too. The people of that world most likely ran into others wearing the exact same outfit all the time, so it was normal. It wasnt a funny coincidence, like it would be in real life. Control. That was probably what it was, I told myself, ignoring the hysterical edge to my thoughts. Perhaps the government, or whoever was in charge, wanted to limit individuality and personal expression. They strived to make everyone the same, to prevent anyone from standing out. That made sense to me. It sounded vaguely familiar, and I wasnt sure if that was because it was true in that world or if Id just read a book where that had happened before. There was definitely a story Id read that had a super restrictive government that controlled all aspects of life within the country. Actually, there were many books like that, I realised. I was pretty sure I could recall one that limited what people could wear, though. Perhaps that inspired my imagination and caused it to create the world I was in. Or maybe it had happened in another world Id been to previously. That could have been where I recognised it from. I wasnt entirely sure. Everything was starting to blur together, but it made sense. I was probably just overreacting, and there was no need for it. Everything was fine, and I was sure the moment I calmed down, Id be able to go home. That was probably what was stopping me, anyway. It was hard to focus or think rationally when I was panicking. My eyes fluttered shut, and I inhaled slowly, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling. That seemed to help a little. I could feel my heartbeat starting to slow, and I took another deep breath, waiting until I felt more under control to open my eyes again. Immediately, my gaze found the screens lining the service station. Confusion washed over me as I stared at them, cocking my head to the side. Something had happened whilst my eyes had been closed. Every single one had turned white. Even in the daytime, they were blinding. It seemed as though they were actually emitting light, and I felt my eyes begin to water, but I couldnt look away from them. I was sucked it, drawn into the hypnotic brightness, just like everyone else in the car park. Theyd all stopped moving and turned towards the screens. Their eyes were fixed on the white rectangles. The cars had come to a stop too. The road beyond the station was busy, but every car in the car park, even the one idling near the exit, was motionless. I could see them out of the corner of my eye, but I couldnt turn my head. My body was frozen in place. Anticipation seemed to buzz in the air, creating an incessant whine that vibrated against my skin, filling me with restlessness. Something was about to happen. I could feel it approaching, drawing ever closer, but I wasnt sure what it was. It wouldnt be good, though. Somehow, I was certain of that. I was too nervous, too on edge. The calmness that Id so briefly felt danced out of my reach, being replaced with anxiety. Something was coming, and I needed to act. I had to do something to prepare, to ready myself for what was coming. But it was too late. All screens seemed to flicker for a moment before turning black, and I blinked rapidly, finally able to look away. My gaze scanned the world around me, trying to figure out what was happening. A power cut, that was most likely what it was, a small voice in the back of my mind tried desperately to cling to reason. But I could see through the windows of the service station. Apart from the screens, everything else looked normal. There were lights on in there, so there couldnt have been a power cut. Unless they were on a separate circuit, that voice suggested. That would have made sense. They probably used a lot of power, so maybe they had a separate source, and something tripped a fuse. Or they could have been faulty. They were acting strangely before, so maybe there was some kind of error with My thoughts ground to a sudden stop, and my breath caught in my chest as my eyes snapped back to the screens. A single word had appeared in the centre of each one, the font large and impossible to miss. It alternated over and over, creating an endless string. Run, Grace, run. I stared at it, feeling my horror balloon. My heart was beating so fast that it threatened to burst free from my chest and follow the instructions on the screen in front of me without bothering to wait for my body to catch up, but I couldnt move. My body felt numb. A ringing sound echoed in my ears, and I knew that I had to move, but I couldnt. I was trapped. The doors at the front of the building opened silently. A wave of people, dressed in black uniforms that Id seen far too recently, swarmed towards the still-motionless crowd. They moved as one, their steps perfectly in time, and the bright sunlight glinted off the guns strapped to their hips. They were coming for me, I realised. The screens told me to run, and that was why. They were trying to warn me, to help me, and I should have listened sooner. That realisation was enough to snap me out of my frozen state. My hand shot out, closing around the door handle, and I threw it open. A bang filled the air as it slammed into the door of the car parked beside me. A huge dent marked the red panel, but the man seated in the car didnt react. He didnt even look at me, I realised as I began to back away. His eyes were still fixed on the screens, which were still telling me to run. I spun around, sprinting towards the forest. It was the safest place to go. It was the best option, I decided, as the tarmac skitted under my feet. I couldnt go towards the road. That would be stupid. Id get hit by a car, and I could try to flag someone down, but they probably wouldnt stop. Even if they did, I doubted theyd be able to help me. No one could fight against the people following me. Plus, the road was too straight. If they got bored and decided to just shoot me, it would be too easy. At least in the forest, there was cover, I realised as I reached the edge of the paving and plunged into the dense trees. That was better. They wouldnt be able to get a straight shot at me, so maybe Id be able to get away. And then what? The question came out of nowhere, and I didnt have an answer to it. Even if I managed to escape them, where would I go? I had time. They were moving slower than me, and Id had a bit of a head start, so potentially, I could get away from them, but what would I do then? I had nowhere to go, and they wouldnt stop looking for me. I knew that too well. There was nothing I could do that would make them give up their hunt, and I was alone. My mom was back at the service station. Id just left her behind. Had they killed her? Fear crashed into me, causing me to falter. My foot caught on a root, and I was flung forward. My already tender shoulder slammed into the trunk of a tree, and my phone shot out of my hand, disappearing into the undergrowth. I grit my teeth, trying to hold back a grunt of pain as tears streamed down my cheeks, and I forced myself to my feet again. They probably just left her, I lied to myself. They knew what my mom was like. They would have been fully aware that she wouldnt wait for me to reappear, and she wouldnt search particularly hard to find me again. She wouldnt interfere with their pursuit. I started to step forward before stopping again. She would try to call me, though. My eyes flicked towards the dense layer of slimy, decaying leaves that seemed to line the forest floor. Once she realised I wasnt there, shed phone me. If I answered The desire to root around for my phone pulled at me. I hadnt even realised Id been clutching it as I ran from the car, but I must have brought it with me instinctively. I had to leave it, though. I couldnt waste time looking for it, and even if I did find it, it would be no use. My mom wouldnt be able or willing to help me, and there was no one else I could call apart from my dad. Hed come after me immediately, but Id just be putting him in danger. It was better not to, and at least if I didnt have my phone, they couldnt track it. It would be slightly harder for them to find me. A crunch came from somewhere behind me. A twig snapped, and I took off again. My shoulder throbbed with every step as I sprinted through the dark forest. The thick canopy blocked out too much light, making it hard to see where I was going, and thin branches drew blood as they whipped against my skin. I dodged around tree trunks and leapt over fallen logs that seemed to appear out of nowhere, trying to ignore the stench that filled my nose, making it hard to breathe. Death. I knew the scent. I was familiar with it, and I wasnt sure which world that had come from. Was it the world I was in? I still knew so little about it. It didnt matter, though. I thrust the question out of my mind, needing to use all of my focus on making sure I didnt trip or run into anything. The forest was treacherous. The underbrush seemed filled with thorns and vines. They reached up towards me, wrapping around my legs and threatening to trip me. The trees were spaced too close together, and I slammed into too many as I squeezed through gaps that had seemed far wider as I approached. It was getting darker too. I risked looking away from the route in front of me to glance up at the leaves far above my head. They hadnt grown any thicker, I didnt think, but somehow, the forest was getting darker. I could see it happening. The shadows were growing thicker and more ominous. Out of the corner of my eye, shapes seemed to flicker within them. Silhouettes. People hid in the darkness, watching me as I blindly sprinted onwards. Why werent they attacking me? They should have been. Their cries should have filled the air, turning my blood to ice, as they joined in the chase, but they remained silent and still. They were watching me, I realised as I turned my head to look at one. The shadow burst into smoke under the weight of my gaze, but the rest remained. They continued staring at me, their eyes boring into my skin, burrowing beneath the surface in search of something. My foot came down hard, and I tipped forward as it sunk into the ground. My arms flailed desperately as I fought to keep my balance. The forest floor shifted beneath me, and I staggered unsteadily. I stared down at my feet, trying to work out what Id stepped in, but my mind couldnt process what I was seeing. It wasnt possible. It didnt make sense. 4.39 Fictional Mud. I had to be standing in mud. Or maybe it was quicksand or something. I used to worry about that far too often. The stories I read as a kid made it seem like that was a real threat to my day-to-day life, that I could get sucked into it randomly and never be able to escape, but Id yet to come across it. That could have changed, though. It was one of the places my mind immediately jumped to as I stared at my foot, trying to work out why it had sunk far deeper than the solid forest floor should have allowed it to. The ground beneath me was no longer solid, though. It seemed to be melting. It warped, twisting and growing softer before my eyes, and I stumbled. Everything around me was transforming. It was all changing and shifting, and I had no clue what was happening, but I could barely think about it as I stumbled, trying frantically to keep my balance on the unsteady ground. My heart pounded, and I was certain I was going to fall, but somehow, I managed to come to a stop. My knees were slightly bent, my arms were stretched out to the side, and I barely dared to breathe. I was too terrified that any movement would send me careening off balance again, and I didnt want to risk it. But I had to look around. Slowly, whilst moving as smoothly as possible, I lifted my head. My eyes widened, and my mouth fell open as I stared at my surroundings, trying to make sense of them, but it was impossible. I was no longer in the middle of a forest. There were still trees around me, but they were further away and slightly more spread out. They looked different, less covered in vines and moss, but I was in a clearing of sorts. The dense vegetation had given way to water. My breathing came in quick gasps as I glanced down at my feet again, and I wobbled, almost losing my balance as fear shot through me, making my knees weak. The platform I was standing on shifted at my movement, sending ripples through the water beneath it. A lily pad. I was standing on a lily pad in the middle of the water, and I had no idea how or why I was there. It had happened so suddenly. Moments ago, Id been weaving through the trees and leaping over fallen logs, but suddenly, I was fighting to keep my balance on a leaf in the middle of a pond. Or was it a swamp? I wasnt sure what the difference was, but a voice in the back of my head told me it was a swamp. It seemed like one. The water was dark and murky. Both living and dead plants floated on the surface, and movement seemed to flicker below. My breath caught in my chest as fear speared me. Was that a crocodile? They lived in swamps, right? I was pretty sure they did anyway. Someone had said that before, or Id read it somewhere, but that didnt seem right. There shouldnt have been any crocodiles there. I was in Scotland, and wild crocodiles didnt just live in the forests there. Hesitation shot through me, and my eyes flicked towards the trees again, scanning them quickly. Was I still in Scotland? I didnt remember leaving there, but it didnt feel right. It didnt feel like Scotland or even the United Kingdom. The air was too muggy. It was too humid, and every breath was a challenge. It felt like there wasnt enough oxygen in the air; there was too much water, and mosquitoes buzzed around me, creating an endless droning that set me on edge. A sharp pain came from my arm, and I slapped it instinctively, crushing the bug and leaving a smear of blood. It was foolish. The movement caused me to sway dangerously as the lily pad shifted beneath my feet, and a small wave of water lapped at my shoes. It seemed to be made up of mud and debris, I realised as I stared at it, fighting the urge to step away from the oozing liquid. It was too thick, and there were bits of twigs and dead bugs floating within it. Disgust rose within me, and I longed to hurry away from it, but I forced myself to stay still and wait for the motion to pass. A silent prayer to any god who would listen bubbled up within me, and I couldnt stop myself from begging them to intervene, to do something to prevent the leaf from tearing and sending me plunging into the sludge below. It would feel so horrible against my skin. I could already imagine the sensation, and I didnt want to experience that. I didnt want to discover whether it was even more revolting than what I was picturing. My muscles tensed as a shudder threatened to shake the lily pad again. If I fell in, it could get in my mouth, I realised. My lips clamped together, as if that would prevent it from happening. The smell was horrendous, and there was an almost sweet edge to it that turned my stomach, making bile burn the back of my throat. There was no escaping the somewhat familiar scent, though. It was thick and pervasive, sending to permeate everything, and I longed to get away from it. If anything did happen, if I somehow fell into the water and some went in my mouth or up my nose, Id be sick. There would be no way for me to hold back my vomit, and that felt dangerous. Would the crocodiles be drawn to it? Would that make them attack, like throwing chum into the water to attract fish? Sometimes, that made sharks attack, so perhaps it would for crocodiles too, but I didnt know. I had no experience with them; I wasnt sure if Id even seen a crocodile before, but I pushed the thought aside, trying to work out how Id gotten there. Id been in the forest, I told myself, my thoughts moving as slowly as the water around me. My mind felt just as murky and clouded, but I forced myself to concentrate. It wasnt easy, though. It didnt want to cooperate, and I felt like I was walking blindly through fog, but a recollection finally came to me. An image flashed behind my eyes, a memory. The thick undergrowth was melting. It had turned to liquid and dripped away, the droplets moving so fast that I couldnt catch them. They seemed to slip between my fingers as I reached for them, unsure of what was happening, but it was too late. They were already gone, and the world had changed. My eyebrows drew together as my eyes followed a ripple moving sinuously through the water, and my hands began to tremble. That wasnt real. That hadnt actually happened, I told myself. It couldnt have. I had hazy recollections, and it felt as though Id witnessed it, but it was impossible. My brain was tricking me. The floor couldnt just turn to liquid. That kind of thing didnt happen in real life. But it wasnt real life. I wasnt in my reality, and I assumed things were the same in whatever world I was in, that the laws of physics still applied to it, but they might not have. Perhaps each world had slightly different laws of physics and reality or whatever it was that stopped things like that from occurring. Maybe they were all slightly different, and there was no way to determine what was possible until I experienced it. No. That was stupid. I was being stupid. Things like physics and gravity and whatever it was existed for a reason. They were necessary, and it wasnt possible for some worlds to not need them. They were essential for life, for existence. Something else must have happened. My memories, the few that I had, couldnt be real. They had to be fake, wrong somehow. That was a thing, wasnt it? Memories werent always accurate recollections of reality. They could be twisted or made up. Mom had said that before, I remembered. Shed said I was misremembering things quite often, claiming that she never said some of the things I was certain shed screamed at me, but maybe I was wrong. Perhaps she was right the whole time, and it had been a dream or something. Thats what I was remembering when I thought shed said those things to me, and I just assumed it had happened in real life. Maybe maybe that was just a dream. The world hadnt really turned molten and trickled away. I was sleeping, and my mind was playing tricks on me. It wouldnt have been the first time Id had a really vivid dream that felt real. I was pretty sure of that. Slowly, I lifted my hand to my other arm and pinched it hard. Dull pain radiated from it, and confusion washed over me as I dug my nails in. The pain became sharper, and I let go, a shaky breath escaping my lips. I should have known, I told myself. Id already felt pain since Id found myself balanced on the swaying platform. The drying streak of blood on my arm should have been proof of that, but I stared at it, trying to recall what had caused it. Had I caught it on a tree? It could have happened before, maybe? That felt right. I thought it did, anyway. The branches were sharp; it had felt like they were slicing into me as I rushed through them, hurrying to get away, but I shook my head, causing another minuscule wave to threaten my balance. No. It was a mosquito, I decided, as another one landed on my arm. The urge to swat it away sparked within me, but I remained still, knowing it might make me fall. That must have been what happened before. I just couldnt remember it for some reason. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. A distant panic trilled in my heart. Why were my memories so fleeting and hard to access? I knew I was in a new world. I hadnt been there long enough to be able to access all of them, but it wasnt right. I was forgetting things that Id been there to witness. I was almost certain Id been present when the last bug had landed on my arm; I couldnt recall leaving the world since then, but the memory was gone. It wasnt right. That had never happened before, and I wasnt sure what was happening, but it terrified me. It had to be a problem in the world I was in. That had to be the cause of my foggy mind. Things like that happened sometimes in other places. I was pretty sure they had, at least. I couldnt remember any specific examples, but there was a vague sense of certainty in my stomach, which made me assume it had. Maybe there was another world where Id gotten drunk or something, and my memories had been spotty. Perhaps that was the cause of why I was feeling so mentally unsteady. It could have been the reason why I thought Id seen the world melting too, I realised. Maybe I was just really drunk. I didnt remember drinking anything, but it could have happened. Or was it drugs? Had I taken something? That didnt feel right. I wasnt the kind of person who would do that, and I was pretty sure I didnt know anyone who would even have any drugs, so that couldnt have happened. Unless it was someone I didnt know. A random person, a stranger, could have slipped something into my food or water. Surely, I would have tasted it, though. If someone had done that, it would have changed the flavour, and I didnt remember eating anything that tasted off. Actually I didnt remember eating anything. I searched my memories, trying to figure it out, but they were blank. I couldnt recall when Id eaten last or ever eating, but I had to have had something. I needed food. Everyone did. All humans and animals needed food to survive, but I couldnt remember a single time Id ever actually done it. It didnt matter, I told myself, trying to smother my rising panic. I just couldnt access my memories properly yet, but it was only a matter of time before I could, and then I was sure Id be able to recall food and how Id gotten there. There was no need for me to worry about that yet. I had more important things to think about. I had to focus and remember what I was doing there. Ice slipped down my spine, and I lifted my gaze, scanning the trees at the end of the water. What was I doing? Why was I in the woods? I must have ventured out there for a reason, but I had no idea what it was. I didnt like the woods. They creeped me out, so why would I have chosen to enter them? My eyebrows furrowed as I wracked my brain in search of an answer. There must have been something, something that drove me out there. I wouldnt have done it if I had any other choice, so that was what must have happened. It was the only thing I could do because I was following someone? No. That wasnt right. I was being chased. There were people. Id seen people. The memory seemed to burn behind my eyes, and I clutched at it desperately. The intensity of the relief that slammed into me because I could recall something was so strong that it almost drove me to tears, but it dissipated too soon. They were following me. Id seen them emerge from the service station, and Id run, leaving someone behind. Who, though? I couldnt recall, but I was sure there was something or someone that Id turned my back on. There had to be. Id been reluctant to go for some reason, but I had no other choice. Frustration burned within me, and my hands clenched into fists as I tried to work out who Id left, but my mind didnt hold the answer. I longed to hit something, knowing it was the only way to get the anger out, but there was nothing close enough for me to punch, and if I hit myself, Id lose my balance. It didnt matter, I decided. The person Id left behind was probably fine, but I was being followed. Hunted. The fuzzy figures dressed in black were probably still looking for me, and Id wasted too much time. Id been standing still for too long, and I had to keep moving. I had to get away from them, but I was stranded. I looked around desperately, trying to find a way to safety. My eyes landed on the lily pad in front of me, and hesitation simmered in my stomach. A series of leaves stretched out across the water, almost like stepping stones. They formed a path, a way to get to the trees on the other side. My muscles tensed as I prepared to dart forward before my brain caught up with what I was doing, and I froze again. That was a stupid idea. The one I was standing on might be strong enough to hold my weight, but it might have been a fluke. There was no guarantee that any of the others would be able to do it, and I couldnt risk falling into the swamp. I had to get out, to get back to the shore. It would be safer then. At least the ground would be solid, and Id be able to run without worrying about my foot tearing right through it, sending me to my death. It could still happen, obviously. I didnt trust anything in that world, but it felt less likely. Slowly, I began to turn. My eyes darted towards the rip that Id already caused in the leaf as I moved, cautious of not making it any worse. It didnt seem to be growing, though. It was much stronger and more solid than I expected, but it was still a leaf. They were fragile. I lifted my gaze from the thing beneath my feet, glancing up at the riverbank, and my stomach dropped. Confusion and fear jostled within me as I stared, unable to do anything else. How had I gotten so far out? There were five giant lily pads between me and the shore, but they looked even more frail and less likely to hold me than the one I was standing on. The edges of each leaf were withered. Theyd turned brown and were curling in on themselves, barely able to reach above the surface of the water. It lapped at them, slowly dragging them under. I was certain they would not have been able to hold my weight. If I tried, if I put even a hair on them, it seemed as though theyd fold at once. I could picture it vividly. My mind was filled with images of the giant leaves wrapping around me like a blanket, making it impossible to escape as we sunk into the depths. A shudder wracked me as I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Even if theyd managed to carry me before, I couldnt risk it again. I doubted theyd be able to do it, which meant I needed to find another option. There had to be something else I could do. I peered over the edge of the lily pad, eyeing the water. I couldnt see much, but surely, it wasnt particularly deep. It wouldnt only come up to my calves. Maybe my knees at most. I could wade through it to the edge. It might take a while to get there, but once I was on the riverbank, Id be able to run again. Something darted through the water, coming far too close, and I barely managed to stop myself from jumping back. There was something in the water, some kind of creature. Id seen it before, but somehow, it had slipped from my mind. Id forgotten one of the dangers that I was certain was circling me. My eyes followed the shadowy shape as it cut through the water. It didnt come above the surface, though. All I could see of it was a ripple as it swam around me threateningly, and I almost wished it would. If I could see it, if I knew what it was, there was no way Id be able to forget about it, and then I would have known how scared I should have been. Maybe it was just a big fish, I tried to reassure myself, but the note of desperation in my thoughts made me even more anxious. The pond or swamp or whatever it was could have been home to some overgrown things. Perhaps someone had set their pet goldfish free there long ago. I was pretty sure they grew to fit the size of their tanks, so maybe once it was there, it just kept getting bigger. Or maybe it was a snake, a voice in the back of my head whispered. They could swim, couldnt they? Some could, anyway. Id seen it in one of the cheesy horror movies Id watched with a friend a lifetime ago, and I wasnt sure if that happened in real life, but that might not matter. The world I was in made no sense, so perhaps some snakes lived in water there. A thought slipped into my mind, making my heart thud. If that were true, if the world I was in was actually that different from what I knew, the thing in the water might not have been an animal at all. There were other options, worse options. It could be a hydra. They were fictional, but maybe that was only the case in my world. Perhaps the one I was in was infested with them. Sometimes, they lived in water. There was a Greek myth where one lived in a lake or something. I had no recollection of reading it, and I had no idea what happened in the story, but I was certain the creature rose out of the lake at some point. There was more than one thing in the water. I could see movement coming from multiple directions. They were surrounding me, but perhaps it was just the hydras many heads. They might have just been getting into position, and then I wasnt sure, but I didnt want to know what would happen. That wasnt the only fictional creature that lived in water, though. There were so many, I realised as tears burned behind my eyes. Countless stories and movies had been told about monsters that lived in swamps and lakes. They dragged their unsuspecting victims to the depths, playing with them as they slowly drowned, and I could have been their next target. I had to escape. I needed to get away from the water and back onto dry land. Id be safe there. Nothing would hurt me. I just needed to find a way to get off the lily pad, and then Id be fine. My head snapped up, my arms wheeling slightly as I wobbled, and my eyes searched the trees. The shore was not safe. Something was watching me. I could feel it, feel the weight of their gaze upon me, but I couldnt see them. They were hiding in the shadows, blending into the darkness, and utterly invisible. I wouldnt see them. Somehow, I knew that. I could scrutinise the trees for hours, for days even, and I still wouldnt spot them. They were too good at it, too practised at being unseen. The only way I would catch sight of them was if they wanted me to, and then, it would be too late. Id be dead. But who were they? Why were they there, and what could they possibly want from me? I was no one. I was just a regular person, and there was nothing I could offer them. I didnt know anything. The only thing of value I could tell them was Crowing laughter split the air, and the lily pad below me jerked as I slapped my hands over my ears to block out the mocking sound, but it still found a way in. Another voice joined the first, quickly followed by a third. A chorus of cruel shrieks echoed from the trees, bombarding me from all directions. I couldnt work out where it was coming from. The noise was far too close. My mind turned blank from terror, and I could only form one thought: I had to move. 4.40 Forgetting. The chilling laughter filled the air as I spun around, my heart racing. Move. I had to move. My knees were unsteady. They trembled as I started to edge across the lily pad, making it even harder to keep my balance. Each step made the leaf under me wobble. It dipped beneath my feet, making it feel as though I was trying to walk across jelly. I was terrified that I was about to fall at any second, but I had to keep going. If I stopped for even a moment, they could get me. I didnt even know who they were. I hadnt seen them, and I was too scared to look back over my shoulder and scan the trees once more. If I did, if I looked up for even a second, the leaf could tear, and Id fall into the disgusting water below. I recognised it, though. Id heard the jeering noise they were making before, and although I couldnt remember where, it was enough to send a shiver down my spine. They couldnt catch me. I couldnt let it happen. Not again. My step faltered as I caught up with my racing mind. Had they caught me before? I had no recollection of that happening, but they must have, right? Why else would I have thought that? But when had it happened? It couldnt have been recently. I would have remembered if it had been. I was almost sure of that. Was that why my memories were so scattered? The question came out of nowhere, making me feel even more off-balanced. They could have been the ones to blame for that somehow. Perhaps they did something to me, something to my brain, and if I went back to them, they could help me. They could repair whatever damage theyd done. But I couldnt bring myself to stop or turn back. Even the hope of being fixed wasnt enough to overpower the terror that pounded within me. The people behind me would not help. They wouldnt nurse me back to health or show any mercy. They were monsters. The only thing they wanted to do to me was watch me suffer, and I couldnt let that happen. I had to get away. Water sloshed over my shoes, immediately finding a way in and drenching my socks, but I forced myself not to think about the foul-smelling liquid or what could have been in it. I was too near to the edge of the lily pad. That was what I needed to focus on. I had to jump, to make it across the gap. Panic seized me, making me slow. I longed to hurry back into the middle of the floating platform. It felt safer there. The leaf sunk less under my weight than it did at the edge, but the next lily pad was too far away. I couldnt be any further from the side, or I wouldnt be able to do it. The shadow in the water drew closer, close enough that I felt the ripple it created through the lily pad. My chest clenched painfully as I ripped my eyes away from the space between the leaves, finding the creature, and my fear intensified. I watched it swimming through the murky lake, helplessness rising within me. The people behind me were not the only monsters waiting for their chance to capture me. There were monsters in the water too. I was surrounded on all sides, and I needed to jump before it was too late. Time seemed to slow as I threw myself into the air, desperately praying that Id make it across. The gap was so much bigger once Id jumped. It seemed impossible that Id actually manage to clear the water, and I stared down at my feet. Gradually, the thin green leaf began to rush towards me. Anxiety thrashed within me, making me nauseous. I held my breath, unable to do anything else, as I made contact with the lily pad. It sunk under my weight, plunging into the water below. A wave of dark sludge crashed over the edge of the pad behind me as my feet continued to sink lower, and for a moment, I was terrified I was about to tear right through it. The leaf was too fragile. It was too delicate, and I was too heavy. Id been falling too fast, and I was sure there was no way it was going to be able to support me, but it was stronger than it looked. I couldnt hesitate, though. Immediately, I stumbled forward, rushing towards the centre of the lily pad. That was the thickest part. I was safest there, but I couldnt stay. I needed to keep going, to get to the next one. There were so many leaves I had to leap across before I got to the other side. I just had to keep going. The next jump was just as terrifying as the first. I staggered as I landed, falling forward. My hands crashed into the strangely waxy surface, immediately starting to sting. I stared at them in shock as the laughter still ringing through the air became even more jeering. Why were they burning? Was it because of the leaf? Did it have some kind of coating on it to repel predators, or was it from the residue of the water that had been left on the leaf? I wasnt sure, but I couldnt stay there and work it out. I needed to get up. Slowly, I pushed myself upright, wiping my palms on my legs to try and rid them of whatever was causing the painful tingling. It didnt matter. Once I got to the other side, once I was safe, I could deal with them. I began to rush forward again, making my way across the bobbing surface slightly quicker than before. I could feel myself starting to get more used to the movement. It still felt unnatural, and I wasnt moving as quickly as I would have been on land, but it was definitely easier. Diving into the air again, I felt hope begin to kindle in my heart. Perhaps it was foolish, but it actually felt as though I might be able to make it. I barely even stumbled as I landed on the next leaf; I was able to regain my balance quickly, and I was making good progress. I was moving fast, and I couldnt help but think Id be able to make it to the riverbank before the people following me did. There was a chance Id actually get away from them. The gap between the next two lily pads was slightly bigger than the last. Fear bubbled in the pit of my stomach, threatening to smother my hope, but I forced myself to push it aside, clinging desperately to my flimsy belief. It was only a little bigger than the last, I told myself. I just had to move even faster. If I had more speed, it would be easier. My feet hit the lily pad harder, causing it to jerk erratically beneath me, but I managed to stay upright. The creature in the water drew closer as I approached the edge. I couldnt risk looking back to check, but I must have been near the centre of the lake. It was the most dangerous place for me to fall in. Anywhere else, I might have been able to make it to the shore before the monster caught up with me, but there was no chance of me making it all the way from the middle. Perhaps that would be good, though. I was pretty sure Id have a quicker death at the hands of the creature than I would if the Company were to catch me. But I could make it. Neither would kill me that time, I decided as I leapt into the air. My heart tightened as the shadow passed under me, swimming gracefully between the two lily pads, before I landed on the other side. I didnt get a good look at it. The water was too dark, but I was pretty sure it was an alligator or a crocodile. I wasnt sure what the difference was or even if there was one, but it had to be one of the two. I prayed it was whichever was less dangerous, less cruel. That would be good. I could use some kindness. The lily pad was rocked by a wave as a creature swam too close to it, and my head snapped up. That was the wrong side. It had been moving in the other direction. It should have been on the left side, not the right, but I could see it in the water there. There was no mistaking the ripples it caused as it swam. I rushed forward, moving away from the edge as my eyes darted back and forth, searching the water. How had it done that? How had it moved so quickly? Did it swim under the leaf? That wasnt possible, though. It shouldnt have been, anyway. I was sure there should have been roots or something under it. All plants had roots, didnt they? But then, how was it there? My breath caught in my chest as I spotted another shape moving through the water. The movements were just as sinuous, just as dangerous, as the first. Two. There were two of them in the lake, just waiting for me to fall. I felt my eyebrows pull together as I stared at them, my breathing coming in shallow gasps. Why were there two monsters in the swamp? How had I not realised that before? I should have. I was in a rush, hurrying to get away from whoever awaited me on the shore behind, but I should have noticed that there was more than one creature. Or did I already know? A fuzziness seemed to crackle at the back of my mind, the burn echoing the sensation in my hands. Had I somehow noticed them before and forgotten about it? That couldnt be possible. I hadnt been hurrying across the water for long. It had only been a few seconds at most. There was no way I could have forgotten about them in that time, was there? This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. Fear swelled in my heart, threatening to suffocate me, and I risked a glance back at the riverbank I must have come from. It was so far away, but that didnt feel right. There were easily eight or nine lily pads between myself and the far side of the lake, but Id only jumped across a few, hadnt I? What was happening to me? Why couldnt I remember? Tears burnt behind my eyes, and I tried desperately to suck in a breath as the forest started to spin around me. I was forgetting everything. I was losing my mind, and I couldnt make it stop. I needed to do something. I needed help. Would the people in the shadows help me? I couldnt see them. I was too far away, and my vision was too blurred by tears to make them out, but maybe that was why they were chasing me. They could have been doctors, nurses, or hospital workers who were just trying to get me back to safety, but instead, I was going to drown. I was going to fall into the water and drown. The lily pad beneath my feet lurched again as a creature swam so close it must have touched the edge, and I stared at it in terror. I wasnt going to drown. I was going to be eaten by whatever that monster was. I needed help. I needed the people on the shore to help me. They could do it. They could chase the monsters away and get me back to the hospital, or where ever it was I must have escaped from. I just had to stay there and wait, and theyd get to me. But what if they hadnt seen them? They were so far away, and the creatures were staying beneath the surface. The only hint that they were even there came from the waves they caused, and the others, whoever they were, might have missed them. They might have been so focused on what I was doing they didnt even see them, and they could be in danger. If they tried to come out to get me, if they entered the water, theyd be eaten. My head snapped up again, and I opened my mouth, intending to shout a warning to them, but the words died on my lips as I noticed something. Confusion swirled within me as I looked down slowly. There was a breeze. I could feel a breeze on my knees and thighs, but that didnt make sense. Id been fully dressed before, hadnt I? I was sure I had been, but maybe Id torn them off at some point? I didnt remember doing that, but My eyes finally found my legs, and my confusion turned into horror. I was right. I had been wearing clothes, but there were holes in them. My leggings were starting to disintegrate, to melt away. The angry red skin of my knees had become visible, but the sides of my leggings were still dissolving as I watched. Deja vu slammed into me. Id seen that before. Id witnessed my clothes liquefying before my very eyes before. I knew I had, and I wracked my mind, trying to recall when or what had caused it, but I couldnt think of anything. Was it just my clothes, though? There had been something else. Id watched as something else melted. I knew I had. It was different that time, though. Unlike my leggings, whatever it was had reformed. It had changed and become solid again, but what was it? What had I seen? The ground! Id seen the forest floor turn to liquid and drip away. The memory felt hazy. It felt unreal, but I was certain it had happened. Id taken a step, expecting to feel it beneath my feet, but it hadnt been there. Id fallen, tipping forward and plummeting towards the ground until A sound split the air, and I staggered as the thing beneath me rocked violently. My arms stretched out, wheeling as I almost fell. What was that? My head whipped back and forth, trying to find the source of the noise, but I couldnt see anything that could have caused the crack. It was so loud, so deafening, that I couldnt even work out where it had come from, and I scanned the treeline desperately. Another bang sounded, and I leapt into the air as the water beside my lily pad exploded. A gunshot, I realised, my eyes returning to the forest as I searched for the unknown shooter. Were they trying to shoot the creature, trying to kill it so they could send people out to rescue me? Relief made my knees weak, but another gunshot sounded, and a hole appeared in the leaf not far from where I was standing. I stared at the dark water oozing through it before slowly lifting my gaze. Theyd missed. If they were aiming for the creatures, they must have missed. The monsterthe monsterswere nowhere near me. The first shot must have scared them because theyd scurried away to the edge of the swamp. The water was still churning angrily from their movement, but it was obvious where they were. How could the people on the shore not have seen that? Unless they had. There was no way they couldnt see it, but that didnt make sense. If they werent aiming for the monsters, why had they shot their guns? There had been multiple gunshots since the creatures fled, so what were they aiming for? Me. I spun around as the water beside me shot into the air again, sprinting across the leaf. They were trying to kill me. They werent trying to save me at all. They wanted me dead, wanted to watch it happen, and I had to get to the other side. Lily pads were scattered across the water, and I longed to zigzag randomly across the surface of the lake as Id been trained, making it harder for the shooters to hit me, but I had to run in a straight line. Only a handful appeared big enough to support me, and I couldnt risk going for one of the smaller ones. They might not hold me, and the creatures had been scared off by the noise of the guns, but I had no doubt theyd strike if I fell. The tattered remains of my leggings flapped as I hurried away from the people on the riverbank, leaping into the air as another bullet slammed into the water behind me. My face was hit with the spray, and I clamped my mouth shut, but I wasnt fast enough. The rancid liquid made me stumble as I landed, and I gagged. It tasted unlike anything Id ever tried before, but I couldnt stop. I lifted my arm as I ran, wiping my tongue on the back of my hand. That was a mistake. My hand must have gotten wet at some point. I had no memory of it happening, but it must have gone in the water or been splashed because there was even more on it. My stomach turned, and I heaved, unable to stop myself. I stumbled forward as the vomit splattered against my bare thighs, causing them to throb painfully. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to fall to my knees and cry, but I had to keep moving. Id die if I didnt. I could barely see as I threw myself into the air again. My feet hit the lily pad hard, sinking in even further than they did before, and water surged over the edge. I scurried away from it, my shoes slipping on the water that pooled on the surface. It was hard to see the edge. It was almost entirely submerged, with just the slight lip sticking up to warn me when I had to jump. The sight made panic scream within me as gunshots continued to sound, each one making me flinch. Had I made a mistake? I was trying to move in a straight line, to follow the path of the largest lily pads so I could get to the other side, but the one I was rushing across was too weak. It could barely hold me, and that was wrong. It should have been fine, just like the others Id already sprinted across. I tore my eyes away from the water in front of me, quickly checking that Id not veered off track. I hadnt, though. I was exactly where I should have been, and that meant something was wrong. Either Id made a mistake, and the leaves werent strong enough to carry me, or There were holes in the leaves. I only noticed them as I flew through the air towards the next one, but there were gashes in the surface that were letting in water. They made the lily pads weaker. They were taking on water, and that meant they might not be able to hold me. Some were already starting to sink, I realised as I landed, throwing my hands out to catch me as I fell forward. It was the people chasing me. They werent aiming at me. They cant have been. I was an easy shot. There was nothing for me to hide behind, and I wasnt darting back and forth. They would have been able to predict my path and hit me without any difficulty, but they hadnt. It was intentional. They were too good for it not to be. I wasnt sure how I knew that, but I did. If the people on the shore hadnt hit me, then they werent trying to. The lily pads must have been their goal. They wanted me to fall into the water and be attacked by the monsters who were starting to gain confidence once more. How had they managed to shoot the ones in front of me, though? The question came out of nowhere, but immediately, I was sure theyd surrounded me. They must have. The realisation made me falter as I leapt into the air, and I barely made the jump. Something rushed past my shoe, and I yanked my foot away as the snapping of jaws followed. A sob escaped my lips, but I didnt look back to see how close Id come to certain death. Somewhere, in another world where I was half a second slower, I was less lucky. The creature didnt miss me, and I was being dragged into the depths as the people around me celebrated. I could almost feel the water forcing its way into my lungs as I screamed in agony, but no sound escaped. The urge to turn back flared within me as my eyes found the next lily pad. It was so riddled with holes that I was almost certain it was going to crumple beneath me, but I had to do it. I had to keep moving. If I stopped, Id sink into the water anyway, and there were only a few more to go. Just four leaves separated me from the shore. Determination burned in my heart, spurred on by the gunshots and laughter, and I lunged forward. The leaves were smaller towards the far side of the swamp. In just three paces, I had crossed the first one, and the next one was so close. There wasnt even space for the monsters to swim between them, and I barely needed to jump to make it across. I could have just stepped. Another sob clawed at me as I darted forward, but that time, it was fuelled by hope. I was close, so close. A few more jumps, and Id be there. Once I was on solid ground again, Id be able to run properly, and I could lose the people following me. They wouldnt have managed to get all the way to that side, so I had time, I told myself as I made the final leap. A wild smile appeared on my lips as I sailed over the edge of the water, hurtling towards the land. It appeared water-logged and slick with slime, but I didnt care. Id survived the journey across the swamp. As long as it was solid and didnt rock when I moved, that was all that mattered. My foot plunged towards the riverbank, but it didnt hit the ground. The smile slipped from my face as I fell through the earth. Wind whipped against my face as I plummeted into darkness. The breath was stolen from my lungs, and my eyes burned as air rushed at me, but I fought to keep them open, needing to see what was happening. My vision was too obscured by tears, though. I could barely see anything, but it was starting to get brighter. There was a light in the distance. I was falling towards it, about to slam into whatever it was. I jolted in my chair, my heart pounding as if Id just run a marathon. My head spun as I blinked quickly, fighting back tears and trying desperately to work out where I was. My eyes flicked back and forth, soaking in my surroundings as fear gripped my heart. 4.41 Looping My body tensed, and I felt my chest continue to heave as I fought to get my breathing under control, but I couldnt let it show. I had to hide my panic. If my mom saw it, if she noticed the sweat beading on my forehead and upper lip I glanced towards her seat, and my eyebrows pulled together as I realised it was empty. She wasnt there. Relief washed over me, and I couldnt help but sag back in my chair. I had no idea where she was, but I hoped it meant Id have slightly more time to stop panicking quite so much before I had to face her again. It would be fine. She hadnt been that bad recently, but I knew she would have been vicious if shed seen how badly I was hyperventilating. I could already almost hear the cruel laughter that would spill from her lips as she realised I was upset over something as small and unimportant as a dream. Shed find it hilarious and would demand to know what had happened, what had managed to upset me quite so much. A shiver slipped down my spine. I could barely remember it. I had no idea what had happened in my dream to make my heart pound quite so hard, but nausea bubbled in my stomach, and fear continued to grip me. Even if I told her that, if I said I couldnt recall whatever it was, Mom would still want to know more. I knew she would. It wouldnt be empathy or sympathy that was motivating her. She wouldnt bombard me with questions to better understand why I was so shaken and to help reassure me. It would be calculated. Shed be hungry for more information, excited for an insight into what bothered me most so she could mock me for it. It would be thrown back in my face at some point. I knew it would. But she wasnt there, I reassured myself as I took a deep breath, my eyes flitting towards the large glass doors at the front of the service station. I didnt need to worry about it just yet. She was still inside, so I was fine. I still had time, and thinking about her was just making me more worked up, which wasnt helping at all. Leaning to the side slightly, I rested my forehead against the window, enjoying the feel of the sun-warmed glass. Breathing at that angle hurt, though. For some reason, each inhale sent a twinge through my chest, and despite how grounding the window felt against my skin, I couldnt stay there for long. What had happened, I asked myself as I looked down at my body, taking an experimental deep breath. It caused another stinging ache, and I felt my confusion grow. The pain felt too sharp to be a pulled muscle or something like that, but I had no recollection of anything else that could have caused the pain. I probably just wasnt paying attention, I realised. A car probably cut Mom off as she was pulling into the station or something, and shed had to brake suddenly. The seat belt probably yanked me back, and I didnt even notice, or maybe I was still asleep. That would make sense. Mom wasnt always the most careful driver, and she did like to slam on her brakes to prove a point, even when it wasnt entirely necessary. She said she had to do it. Apparently, when driving, it was best to do things like that to show other drivers that they were being stupid or unsafe. You cant exactly get out of the car and tell them just how idiotic they were being, shed told me one day, so the only thing drivers could do was to over-exaggerate things. That made no sense to me, though. Surely, Mom was being a danger to the other cars on the road by braking suddenly after the car pulled out a bit too close to her. The people behind us had to slam on their brakes too, and it felt entirely unnecessary. Mom hadnt even been that close to the car in front of us, and she wasnt driving particularly fast. I was dumb enough to say that to her. The words slipped from my mouth before I realised what I was saying, and she was furious. She accused me of questioning her driving, of saying she didnt deserve to have a license, and pulled over, threatening to leave me at the side of the road to walk home by myself, but that wasnt what I was trying to do at all. I just didnt understand and spoke without thinking, but Id learnt from then. No matter how tempting it had been, Id never said anything that could be interpreted as questioning her driving again. That was probably what had happened, I decided as I rubbed my chest distractedly. I did have a vague recollection of my body rocking backwards as something hit it, so it was probably just the seat belt. The pain seemed to be radiating from about the right place, anyway. My eyes flicked towards my jumper again, and the urge to pull my neckline aside and peer at the skin below bubbled up within me, needing to know whether the impact had caused a bruise or a red mark or something. My fingers gripped the fabric, and my gaze darted around the car park, making sure that no one was looking at me before something tugged at me. I froze as a wave of something close to confusion seemed to pull at the back of my mind, and I dropped my hands into my lap as my eyebrows drew together. I looked around, trying to figure out what was happening, but I wasnt sure. Something just felt wrong. I couldnt quite work out what it was, but something was a bit off. It felt like Id come into my room after school and noticed that something had moved, that my mom had been looking through my stuff and tried to put everything back where it was so that I didnt realise. She didnt do that often. Usually, she didnt care whether I could tell that shed been searching through my belongings, but it happened from time to time, and it always made me feel unsettled. My eyes scanned the car park, trying to find the source of my unease. There was nothing obvious that appeared out of place, as far as I could tell. It was just a regular car park and a normal-looking service station on the side of a motorway. As far as I could tell, we were still in Scotland too. It was too green for us to have crossed into England again. Maybe that was the issue, I considered as my eyes found the trees not far from us. Mom had parked right by the edge of the car park, and it backed onto a forest. It was so densely packed that I could barely see through the trees, and so many plants seemed crammed into the spaces between them. The weeds and thickets were so overgrown it would have been almost impossible to traipse through, but anything could have been hiding in there. Goosebumps broke out on my arms, and I glanced towards my moms door, making sure the light was glowing. Luckily, it was. I must have already locked the car doors, even though I didnt remember doing it. That wasnt particularly surprising, though. It was an almost automatic reflex. I always made sure to lock the doors when Mom left me in the car. Even if it was for only a few minutes, I had to do it. It didnt feel safe not to, and that was because of my mom. Shed told me too many horror stories about people being dragged from their cars and thrown in the back of a van before they even worked out what was happening. It was even more dangerous near a motorway too. Apparently, that made it much easier to get away, and the kidnappers could be halfway to France with me in the back before the police had even been called. That was what Mom had told me a while back before slamming the door and walking away without bothering to look back or lock the door. I was sure shed spent even longer than usual in the service station that time, and she was far too happy when she got back to find me trying not to have a panic attack. Id tried not to worry too much, but every single person whod walked past the car had made my heart race. I almost expected them to smash the window and whisk me away. She was exaggerating, though. I was pretty sure of that, at least. It probably did happen sometimes, but Mom made it seem like it was a regular occurrence, like every single car park had at least one person lingering in it, just waiting for the perfect opportunity to grab someone. Maybe she was right, a small voice at the back of my head whispered as my gaze found the light on Moms door again, needing to check that it was still locked. Nothing had happened since I looked less than a minute ago. There was no way for it to just unlock itself, and I would have heard if Mom had done it, but I just needed to know. She could have been right. I had no way of knowing for sure whether there was someone in the car park looking for the right victim, and maybe theyd decide it was me. I couldnt see any vans, though. She always said theyd drag me away into a van, and there werent any near me, but perhaps that didnt matter. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. Some of the cars were kind of big, I realised as my eyes found a fancy-looking black car that had parked on the other side of the road behind Moms. The boot seemed large enough for someone to shove me into, so maybe they didnt need a van. They could just put me in there and drive away. But Mom would notice. They wouldnt get halfway to France like she said. That didnt make sense. We were still in Scotland. Theyd need to drive for hours to get to the Channel Tunnel, and that was plenty of time for her to notice that I was missing and call the police. Plus, Id have my phone. As long as I held onto it tightly or hid it, Id be able to bring it with me, and as soon as Mom got back to the car and realised I wasnt there, shed phone me. If I answered My thoughts seemed to trip over themselves as they stumbled to a halt, and another wave of confusion gripped me. It was more intense that time, but I still wasnt sure why. I couldnt figure out what was happening, and I glanced around the car park as frustration rose within me. Something felt familiar. That was what it was, I realised. It was deja vu. Something about that thought, about the situation, felt strangely familiar, but that wasnt particularly surprising. I was alone in a service station car park, waiting for my mom to come out so we could continue the journey. That happened over a dozen times whenever we went anywhere. She always stopped often, saying she needed to use the bathroom or get some fresh air, but I was pretty sure she just needed a break from being around me. Even when I wasnt talking or paying any attention to her, she seemed to struggle with it, and I understood. I think we both needed the short reprieves from each others company. That was all it was, I told myself, trying to believe it. Wed already stopped a handful of times, and it wasnt even midday yet. That was why it felt familiar, and I was just getting worked up over nothing. As long as I ignored the nagging sensation that continued to bother me, Id be fine. Mom would come out of the service station soon, and wed be on the way again. But it wasnt easy. The growing sense of wrongness plagued me, trying to convince me that something else was happening, and I couldnt help but examine the building before me, even as I told myself that everything was okay. It looked fine. Everything about the squat window-lined service station appeared completely normal. They all looked the same, really. It felt like the majority of the rest stops along the main roads had the same layout. They were all surprisingly large buildings lined with advertisements, containing a handful of shops, fast food places, and toilets. The only real variety was in how clean the toilets were, but I assumed the ones in the station wed stopped at werent too bad. It seemed like a pretty clean place. I couldnt see any rubbish littering the forecourt, and the bins werent overflowing. My gaze flicked towards the door, checking to see if my mom was approaching before movement caught my attention. A soft chuckle escaped my lips as I stared at the screens in the windows. Something had gone wrong with them. I was pretty sure they were meant to be displaying ads, but there must have been an issue in their programming because the images were moving too quickly. They were changing constantly, looping through countless pictures without pausing for even a second. It must have been intentional, right? Surely, that was part of an ad. It would stop in a minute and have some joke about how the world was moving too fast or something. I was pretty sure Id seen something like that before. Maybe it was promoting a coffee chain or a roadside hotel. That would have made sense. They probably say something about how nice it would be to slow down and let the world continue to rush by. Or maybe someone else had done it. It might not have been a marketing thing. Perhaps the person who set it up just really didnt care about their job. They might have been trying to get fired for some reason, or maybe they were just trying to pass a message on to someone. My head jerked back slightly. Where had that thought come from, I asked myself. Why would anyone use the screens to send a message, and how would they even do that? How would anyone understand what the flickering images meant? I wasnt sure, but somehow, I knew that was what was happening. Someone was trying to send a message, and I was their intended target, but why? What did they want to tell me? Run. The command seemed to flash into my brain, and I began reaching towards my seat belt before I could stop myself. Confusion and restlessness thrashed within me, and I looked around desperately, searching for my mom, but I couldnt see her. Instead, I just found people. People dressed in matching clothing. They looked like poorly designed video game characters, I realised as panic made my hands tremble. Someone had just clicked copy and paste on their clothes, only bothering to design a few different options. There was a dress, jeans and a white T-shirt, and a hoodie. Those were the only outfits the people in the car park were wearing, and it felt wrong. It was lazy. The designers should have done better. My eyes found the screens again. What was going on? Why did the people all look so similar, and who wanted me to run? I should listen to them, I decided before immediately changing my mind. That was stupid. I didnt know where Id go if I did run, and I wasnt sure whether I was meant to be running away from something or towards it. Plus, I hadnt even received that instruction yet. The screens were still cycling through advertisements, and they would be for at least another couple of minutes. How did I know that? I was absolutely certain that they would. There wasnt even a sliver of doubt in my mind, but how? How could I possibly know what was about to happen in that world? Could I see the future? Was that what was happening? No, I realised slowly, looking around again as my heart continued to thump. That wasnt it. Id been there before. The world, the service station, the people it was too familiar, and I wasnt just imagining it. Id sat in the car outside that building, waiting for my mom to return far too many times to count, but she never came back. In the hundreds of times Id lived it, if not more, Id never even seen her. Did she exist in that world? And how did I know? How did I know with utter certainty that Id never seen her? Why was I so sure that Id lived it before? I couldnt remember the other time. My memories refused to reveal themselves to me. No matter how desperately I lunged for them, they flitted away and remained stubbornly out of reach, but still, I knew I was trapped in a loop. It wasnt the first loop Id been trapped in, I recalled. My mind felt foggy. It was hard to wade through to find the world I was thinking about, but somehow, I managed to locate it. Memories flooded into me, and I couldnt help but smile as Aarons face floated before my eyes. The kindness, the love, in his gaze warmed my heart, but it died too soon. Just like I always did in that loop. That world was different, though. I was different there; Id been called Beth. That was what hed called me, but I was sure it was still me. I could feel it. I might have had a different name, but I was still the same person. Each version of me that died there was real. They were all me, and he was trapped there. He was forced to spend his days watching the girl he loved die over and over again, unable to do anything to stop it from happening. But time worked differently there. It had been moving on. He was growing older. I knew he was. He looked older, and that had surprised me. Id expected him to look younger, for his face to be more boyish and his cheeks fuller, but hed changed. He wasnt being made to relive the same short snippet of time, and that meant the rules of the loop, whatever the reason for him to have been trapped there, must have been different to the world I was in. Terror leapt within me, and my breath caught in my chest. What did that mean? My loop was shorter. Time was being reset, and I was being dragged back to the beginning again and again, but I still couldnt remember it. I couldnt remember how it ended or what I was doing there. Why was I there? My grip on the seat belt tightened. I clung to it tightly, needing something to hold on to. I wasnt going to have to watch the person I loved die again and again like Aaron. Somehow, I knew that, but I was almost certain I was going to be killed. I was going to have to experience my own death repeatedly. Would I ever get used to it? Was that something that would ever stop being quite so terrifying? Would it always hurt? I wasnt sure. I didnt have the answer to any of those questions, and that scared me even more. I needed to do something. Id already died too many times. The pain was something I knew far too well, but I hadnt gotten used to it yet. It still stole my breath each time and left me sobbing whenever I woke up, and I couldnt handle it. I didnt want to live it again. My breathing was too quick. It came in sharp gasps, but I couldnt get it under control. Panic flailed within me, and I looked around, searching for something that would help, but there was nothing. I needed to leave. That was all I knew. I had to leave and get away from the place before it was too late. If the doors open and the Company appeared, Id Fear flooded my heart as the screens lining the service station turned white, and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block everything out. It was childish logic, and I knew it, but part of me honestly believed that if I couldnt see the screens, if I didnt know what was happening there, Id be safe. Nothing would be able to hurt me. But not knowing was worse. I knew I needed to do it, but I was too scared to open my eyes again. There would be something there. Something or someone would be waiting for me just outside the car with weapons held at the ready, and I couldnt do it. I didnt want to. I reached out, clawing desperately at the dizzinesses that waited at the back of my mind. One leapt out towards me, but I batted it aside. That wasnt the world I wanted. It wasnt the place I was looking for. I wanted to go home. Back to my reality, where everything felt normal and no one was going to hunt me down. I needed it. I needed the peace and calmness of my world. I was so tired. For a moment, I thought the dizziness was going to fight against me. I was so scared that it would pull away or refuse to yield, but reluctantly, it wrapped itself around me. A sob of pure relief threatened to escape my lips as my surroundings began to spin, and I tumbled through the worlds. 4.42 Unseen by most. I could feel my surroundings swirl around me at nauseating speeds, but I couldnt bring myself to open my eyes. I kept them shut and clung to the hope that, when the world stopped spinning, Id be home. Everything would be fine, and Id be back in my reality, where I was safe. Nothing bad would happen there. A rush of sound assaulted my ears, the noise so loud, so deafening, that I couldnt work out what I was hearing. It just sounded like static, and I couldnt pick out anything specific. My face scrunched up as I clenched my eyes shut, knowing that I must look ridiculous, but I was just so scared of what I might see if I were to open my eyes. Would I be staring down at Phoebes dead body again? That was my first fear. I wasnt sure where it had come from, but I knew it was possible. Id seen her die once, and a sinister dizziness pulled at me, threatening to rip me away from whatever world I was in. That wasnt the only risk, though. Phoebes corpse may not be the only thing I saw if I were to open my eyes, I told myself. Someone could be pointing a gun at me. After all, that had happened before too. Id stared down the barrel of a gun more times than I could count, but I barely remember them. I couldnt recall which versions of me had done that. But the noise wasnt anything scary, I realised slowly. There was no one shouting at me, and I couldnt hear the mechanical click of a hammer being pulled back. Instead, there was music. A low, off-key humming and a tapping that wasnt quite in rhythm accompanied it, and that surprised me so much that I couldnt help but open my eyes. It was my mom. I instantly recognised her, but doubt pulled at the back of my mind, prompting me to look closer. I couldnt trust myself. Not anymore. There had been too many mistakes. Id thought the woman beside me was my mom before, and Id been wrong. There were small differences, minuscule ones that I hadnt even noticed at first, and I couldnt let it happen again. I needed to be sure that it was her. But I wasnt. I couldnt stare at her too closely. Shed notice and demand to know why I was looking at her, but I watched her out of the corner of my eye, trying to figure out what I was missing. There had to be something, but I couldnt tell. I was almost certain she looked exactly like my real mom, the one from my reality. She seemed to be wearing the same clothes my mom had been wearing too, but Uncertainty filled me, and I chewed on my lip. Surely, there was a way for me to know for sure whether I was in the right place, I told myself. Maybe if I checked the other worlds, the other dizzinesses, Id be able to figure it out. If I found the one that felt like home, Id know. It wouldnt be able to hide from me, would it? I wasnt sure, but I reached out nonetheless. The other worlds swarmed me, vying for my attention. Despite my fear of finding a new and somehow even more horrifying world, I felt temptation pull at me as I waded through the worlds, seeking out anything that felt familiar. There were too many. Id been to too many different realities, and each wanted my attention once more. Mitchs world began to drag me in. My mind seemed to be drawn to it like a moth to a light bulb, but I pulled myself away before it was too late, almost leaping into the Academy in my haste to get away. I swatted at that world too, pushing it aside as I continued searching, but I didnt find the one Id been looking for. I didnt find my home, and that must have meant I was already there. Probably. I pulled myself away from the empty space in my mind where the other worlds resided and looked around the car again. Something about it still didnt feel right. A worry, a paranoia, tugged at me, and I glanced down at the phone clutched in my hand, trying to work out if there was a way I could confirm it. Maybe if I Googled something, I could figure it out. There had to be something that would prove it. My movement must have caught my moms eye because she fell silent and glanced at me. I saw her eyebrow rise out of the corner of my eye, and her lips pursed. The expression was so familiar that a smile appeared on my face before I could stop it. Shed looked at me that exact way often, and it pushed some of my doubts aside. Confusion flitted across Moms face as she turned away from the road to eye me suspiciously, and I forced the smile from my face. Id never normally be so happy to see her, I realised. Especially not when wed already been in the car together for so long. No wonder she was looking at me like that. Good morning, she said sharply. Did you have a nice nap? There was a dangerous edge to her tone. She was on the cusp of becoming angry at me, and I could feel it. The air within the car felt volatile, and I needed to respond carefully to avoid an argument. Yes, thank you, I lied. Was I asleep for long? That felt like an innocent enough question. I didnt end the conversation, which sometimes irritated her more, but I also hadnt said anything she could pick fault with. I didnt think I had, anyway. Yes, she said, looking away from me dismissively. I was pretty sure that was a lie, though. I hadnt checked the time before I went into the other world, but it didnt feel like it had been particularly long, and the scenery outside the windows hadnt changed too much. We couldnt have left Scotland yet, which meant I couldnt have been asleep or in the other world or wherever I was for more than an hour or so. Sorry, I replied. Its very rude, you know? she told me, a sneer twisting her lips. To sleep when youre a passenger. I thought Id raised you to be more considerate than that. I knew that I should have felt guilt or remorse, but I didnt. Despite her tone, all I felt was relief. She always fell asleep when Dad was driving, and she never apologised to him for it. It didnt seem to bother her at all when she was the one who was sleeping, but shed told me off for it before, and that was strangely reassuring to me. It helped convince me I was truly home. My eyes flitted around the car, scanning the interior. Everything about it looked as it should. There were two coffee cups in the cup holders, both half full. That was normal. The random collection of coins and a pen lid shoved into the space behind them was too. It appeared to be the car from our reality, but there was still something pulling at me that told me I couldnt quite trust it. I glanced out the window, my gaze seeking out the other cars. In the other world, the weird one where Id looped, they were all the same. There were only two or three different styles of vehicles. My memories of that place were strange. They had a hazy, distant feel to them, as if theyd happened long ago, but I could just about recall them. I remembered more than I did whilst I was there, which seemed wrong, but I didnt want to think about it for too long. An exhale slipped from my lips as I watched the other cars overtaking us. There wasnt too much variation in colours, but there was enough. It was more than the handful from that world, and it felt normal. I was pretty sure it did, anyway. Sorry, I said again, knowing that my mom was waiting to hear it. She huffed, making her irritation known. Did you not sleep well last night? she demanded. Uhh, no. I slept okay. I wasnt sure if that was a lie. I think I slept okay. It had been hard to fall asleep. Id spent hours trying to drift off, but that was fairly normal for me. Sleep had never come particularly easily, and it wasnt too bad. I was pretty sure Id fallen asleep before it had gotten too light out, at least. Or maybe I hadnt. Id gone to another world. Id found myself in another reality, one where I was pretty sure the sun was dying, before tearing myself away from it and being tortured by Anya. Did that count as sleep? I wasnt even sure. It didnt feel particularly restful. Mom huffed loudly again, clearly not believing me. Did you spend all night on your phone again? she asked. I thought I told you not to. Its bad for you. No! The way she said it made it sound like I frequently spent the entire night on my phone, and that rarely happened. Granted, I did sometimes get distracted by scrolling through social media or texting Phoebe or Duncan, but Mom had never caught me. I always heard her coming and hid my phone, and Id had years of practice of pretending to be asleep. I always fooled her. Mom sent me a warning glance, and anxiety leapt in my chest. Id answered too sharply. I had to be more careful with my tone. Otherwise, shed explode. You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. It will rot your brain, she told me. And your diet probably isnt helping. You eat far too much sugar and not enough vegetables. I mean, when was the last time you even ate a carrot, for Gods sake. Last night, but I couldnt exactly say that to her. Not when I could tell she was already annoyed by how Id spoken to her. Shed probably tell me I was wrong or say I was accusing her of lying, and that wouldnt go well. The rest of the journey would be unbearable. Mmm, I responded noncommittally, making sure not to sound too argumentative. Actually, its those drinks youre always having. Theyre full of sugar. I glanced at her. Which drinks? I couldnt help but ask. All that Coke or Pepsi or whatever it is you drink, she said with a wave of her hand. Confusion washed over me. I dont drink them that often, I said. And I normally have Diet Coke. That doesnt have sugar. The look she gave me was disgusted, and I wasnt sure if it was because I was talking back to her or because of the drink. She drank Coke sometimes, though. Shed never really had a problem with it before, and I wasnt sure why shed suddenly decided she did. Thats worse, she snorted. Do you know how many chemicals diet soda has in it? Its full of them! And the things they do to your brain! I looked away from her as she continued ranting, gesturing wildly as she did. It was easy enough to tune her out. I was used to doing that whenever she started talking like that. She didnt really need me to listen. I was pretty sure she was just talking to fill the silence, not because she wanted to tell me anything. My eyes found the trees lining the road, and my stomach clenched. I tore my gaze away from them, unable to look at them for any longer. A memory forced its way into my head; I watched as the forest around me liquefied, the colours mingling as they drained away. A shudder slipped down my spine as dizziness threatened to pounce, dragging me back to that world. I wouldnt do it. I couldnt go back. It had been hard enough to leave the loop in the first place, and I wasnt sure Id be able to do it again. It had taken me a couple of attempts, I recalled. When Id noticed that people were all dressed the same and that something was wrong with the world, Id tried to flee, and it hadnt let me. Id been trapped there, and I couldnt try again. Not straight away, anyway. I hadnt even tried. Id been too distracted by everything that was happening there, and it wasnt until the loop restarted that Id been able to do it. Maybe I only had one chance. Perhaps the rules were different in that world for some reason. I could only exit and enter during the first part, before the people found me. After that, I was trapped there until everything restarted again, so if I went back, Id need to relive it. Id be chased through the forest again by a terrifying army of Whoever they were. I still wasnt sure, but the wave of fear that slammed into me was so strong that I felt myself slap the world away. It seemed to scurry into the shadows of my mind, retreating before I could hit it again, and guilt pulled at me, but I tried to ignore it. It was a world. I shouldnt have felt guilty about not wanting to go there or pushing it away, but I still did. My eyes were fixed on the inside of the car door. My gaze traced the scratch on the faux leather panel, wondering how it happened. It had been there for as long as I could remember, but something must have caused it. The car had been new when my mom got it, so it should have been spotless. Maybe the buckle on my bag had gotten caught on it at some point. That could have done it? Boredom and restlessness strained within me, and I tried to remain focused on the small gouge on the door, but it was impossible. My eyes flicked towards the forest again, glancing at it for just a moment before I had to look away again, my heart pounding. It was ridiculous. I was being stupid, and I knew it, but I was terrified that Id see something in the trees. Either that, or Id be dragged back to the other world. Id be forced to watch as the trees melted and my world began to spin, and then Id be there. Trapped. But it was childish to be scared of looking at some trees, I told myself as my frustration grew. Id been to so many terrifying places, but I was in the real world. I was almost certain I was, and there wasnt anything or anyone waiting for me in the forest there, so I could stare into the forest for as long as I wanted, and the only thing Id see was the occasional wildlife. I didnt quite believe myself, but something compelled me to look up once more. It felt like I had to do it. Like if I didnt, Id be failing something or letting myself down, and I didnt want to do that. Not again. I was used to disappointing myself. It seemed like I did it often, but I hated it. I wanted to be better. My eyes found the trees once more, and I exhaled slowly as I stared at them, counting silently. Ten seconds. That was all I had to do. If I could look into the forest for ten seconds without freaking out, Id be fine. Id prove to myself that I was strong enough to do it. I could resist my fear, and everything would be fine. Something flickered in the darkness as I reached two. My heart leapt into my throat, and my head snapped around. I didnt even care about my mom seeing me. I was too terrified of whatever it was that Id seen, and luckily, shed either not noticed or had decided to ignore me. What was that? Had they followed me to my world? That was my first thought. The people from that looping world, whoever they were, had found a way to get to my reality. They were there, and they were going to hunt me down and kill me. Theyd done it before. Id faced them in more than one world, and I was almost certain theyd killed me in every single one where Id encountered them, which meant it would happen again. My reality was the next life of mine that theyd snuff out, and then what? What would happen to me? Would I just be gone? Stop, I tried to tell myself. That wasnt possible. They werent following me through different worlds. It was just a coincidence. There were so many different worlds, countless ones. Id just been unlucky enough to find myself in the ones where the group existed, and in all of them, Id done something to garner their attention. Id been a superhero or whatever I was in that looping world. No wonder they wanted to kill me, but I hadnt done anything in my reality to warrant it, so I was fine. Whatever Id seen in the forest must have been something else, or perhaps my eyes were just playing tricks on me. I could have seen a shadow or something, and Id immediately assumed the worst, but that wasnt likely. I knew that. I took a deep breath, trying to get my breathing back under control and gather the courage to look at the trees again. I didnt want to. I longed to spend the entire journey staring at the dashboard and not even risk glancing out the window, but I refused to let myself. I had to do it. There was nothing there, I told myself as I glanced at the trees again, but goosebumps were slowly creeping along my arms. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end, and my grip tightened on my phone as I scanned the trees again. Someone was watching me. I could feel it. Someone or something was watching me, but I couldnt see anything. I couldnt see anyone around me apart from my mom, and her eyes were on the road. Shed started humming again, her fingers tapping against the steering wheel, so it couldnt have been her. There had to be someone else. Movement flashed at the corner of my eye, and my gaze flicked towards the side of the road again. My breath caught in my throat, and I stared at the dark shadow moving between the trees, unable to look away. It was huge, whatever it was. It darted between the tree trunks, easily keeping pace with the car, and I felt hopelessness wash over me. I must have been wrong, I realised as I reached towards the dizzinesses again. I missed something, missed my reality. I probably mixed it up with another one, one that felt similar. That made sense. The place I was in was so familiar, so close to my world. There must have just been one small change that caused the monster that was running alongside our car to exist. But I couldnt feel it. I searched desperately through the other worlds, and I couldnt find any that felt like home. Id lost it. It had been torn away from me, ripped out of reach, and I was trapped. Id never go home again. Instead, Id just be cursed to wander through the other worlds forever, searching for one I could never return to. Or, I thought as I squeezed my phone case so tightly it cut into my palm, I was already there. Maybe I was in my world, and the thing I was looking at was nothing more than a bear. There werent any bears in Scotland or the rest of the United Kingdom. I was pretty sure of that, but it could have escaped a zoo, or someone might have been keeping it as a pet and set it loose. That happened sometimes. Phoebe had made me watch a documentary about people who kept wild animals as pets. A shuddering breath escaped my lips, and I blinked, glancing at the shadow once more. I could barely see it. Whenever I stared directly at it, it seemed to disappear from view, but it stayed if I looked at it from the corner of my eyes. It wasnt a bear, I realised as I watched it. The way it moved seemed wrong. I was pretty sure bears had more lumbering steps, and it didnt. It was too smooth. It looked more like a dog but much bigger. Like a wolf. There werent any of those in this country either, though. I was pretty sure, anyway. Wed been told something about people who were rallying to reintroduce wolves to the Scottish highlands in Biology, but I was almost certain that hadnt happened, and we were far from the highlands. It was just a dog, I decided, ignoring how fast it must have been moving. Someones dog had broken loose, and it was running through the woods. There were farms around where we were, so it was probably some farmers dog. That was why it was so big, and I had no reason to be scared of it. I dropped my head back against the headrest. It was the other worlds. They were making me paranoid, and I shouldnt have been surprised by that. I had been to too many where I was hunted or murdered or taught that there were spies everywhere, so I shouldnt trust anyone. It was only normal to feel a bit on edge and suspicious of things after that. It would have been weirder not to feel that way, but I had no need to worry too much. In my reality, I was a completely normal person. Well maybe that wasnt entirely true. I wouldnt exactly classify myself as normal. I didnt feel it. Id always felt just a bit off. Like I didnt quite fit in with other people. Phoebe and Duncan were the only two people I could actually be myself around most of the time, but for everyone else, it felt like I had to pretend. I had to be careful, to hide my real personality and instead just mimic theirs so they wouldnt know there was anything wrong with me. But that didnt count. It wasnt exactly something that would arouse suspicion. It wouldnt make the government or any shady organisations interested in me. Id just go through life utterly ignored and unseen by most, and that was a good thing. It was what I wanted. My eyes fluttered shut again, and I inhaled slowly, feeling my heartbeat begin to slow. Everything was normal and fine, I told myself. Soon, Id be home, and things would get easier again. I wouldnt be around my mom so often. My date with Duncan was coming up fast, and Phoebe would be back from France soon. Id be able to go to hers for sleepovers, and that would mean Id be less lonely. I wouldnt feel the need to disappear into other worlds just because Grace!