《The criminally insanely violent farmer Bob》 Chapter 001 Why Bob does not pay taxes ¡°Five years your saying this Bob has not paid me his rightful Lord taxes in five years and now he is claiming my lands are his under squatters rights?¡± Lord Dunston was a fat balding man whose face was turning red with rage. Jeffery his overseer nodded ¡°Its just no one has been brave enough to ask him for rent since Lord Donald died due to the dragon attack.¡± Dunston was not too much of a fool and simply glared at Jeffery. ¡°What did Bob have to do with that?¡± ¡°Well it was rumoured that Bob bought a anchor for a ship and some metal chain before the attack. He was seen brewing a barrel of laxative. So well what we think happened is Donald paid the dragon Steel Jaw to pretend to attack him not knowing Bob had feed him enough laxative to kill a small country.¡± A look of horror appeared on Lord Dunston''s face. ¡°Wait so it was not dragon flame that killed Lord Donald but dragon excrement?¡± ¡°20 Tons of flying dragon who had just eaten a couple of cows and a few dozen pigs. Releasing a stream of well. Best not to mention it in polite company. You know what happened next Lord Donald and his keep were burnt. The very walls melted by the extreme heat and everyone in a quarter mile of the keep dead of the toxic gas. The green gas was so horrific several of the local villages cut off their own noses.¡± Dunston looked at Jeffery ¡°So why was this Bob not killed?¡± ¡°The thing is sir he has a farmer class or did. You get bonus experience for killing something that could kill you by sneezing on you. Then you get more experience for being a farmer. After Bob found the his chain which was still hanging out of the dragons ass he tied it to a tree and cut the tree down before rolling it down part of the dragons mountain. It was a solo kill of a legendary dragon by a level 2 farmer. Given how he killed the dragon no one wanted to disturb someone who would feed a dragon a anchor and chain and then pull the anchor out of its ass. It was actual lucky for us that we did not annoy him given what he did next.¡± Jeffery pulled out a ledger with wanted posters. All of them showed a slightly grumpy man with black hair and a scowl on his face. ¡°First off its this one apparently someone sneaked into several goblin camps and released some slimes. The same night someone put poison in one of there wells. While they were busy fighting off the disease the slimes attacked. Apparently the slimes were ones feed dragon blood when they were young and exploded when killed. Someone with a bow used it to shoot at any goblins that were putting out the fires or fighting the slimes. Any goblin who survived would almost certainly die from the poison. 15 goblin villages were dealt with like this over a weeks time. There were 4 orc camps which were also destroyed. Technically we had a peace treaty with the goblin and Orcs at the time so a bounty was issued of a copper coin.¡± Jeffery pulled out another poster ¡°Wanted for 19 cases of murder. The Orc chief Whitefist had a number of human and dwarf slaves in his mines. Bob attacked the mine killed the orc guarding the entrance to the mine and then burnt the support beams of the mine. The orcs came to rescue the orc miners and Bob took the chance to rob some cattle. When the orc''s finally managed to re open the mine they found slimes. Acid slimes to be exact which had begun to eat the wooden support beams. Do you want me to go on murder, arson, murder mass, murder, banditry, desecration of a holy alter. There is a massive bounty on his head from several cults and the necromancer guild. ¡± Dunston looked at Jeffery ¡°Have you taken enough drugs to make you think your horse is sexy and written out these wanted posters? They can not be real look at this one suspected of ripping a safe of a casino out of a wall and running away with it. Or this one wanted for breaking into a slave market and tossing all the slavers into a pit full of horny pigs. Who does that sort of thing and actually lives?¡± ¡°Sir he used the dragons blood to give him the steel skin trait. You can literally fire a arrow at him and will not notice it hitting him this has happened. Do you remember that troll that has been around for 30 or so years old Clobber. He ran into it one night when he was drunk and bit its arm off. He bit a trolls arm off. Its arm weighted more than he does and he bit it off. I saw him once pull a metal bar out of a blacksmiths forge and I swear to you drink it.¡± Dunston snorted but then remembered the smelly man who had walked up to Lord Michael and kicked him so hard in the balls he had flown twenty feet into the air. The memory of the red stain between Lord Michael''s legs and the horrible way his head was twisted was vivid in his mind. The person in the wanted posters looked a lot like the ball crushing demon¡°Why did you not tell me why did we not send Sir Perryville down with his knights to deal with this upstart?¡± ¡°He is smart sir very smart. The rumour is he has a mystic level sub class. Most people get a sub class like that they head down to the local pub for a month. Not Bob he headed to the goblin villages to level up and then when he was strong enough attacked the orcs. He stole a couple of hundred cattle you know how many he brought home with him 3. The rest he gave away to the freemen farmers. It is not normal. People who gain traits like Iron skin should get drunk and be drowned to death by thieves Then there is the dragon what dragon does not have a hoard. A normal person gets that kind of wealth they head to the local brothel and then one night a couple of thugs break there legs and beat the location of their gold out of them. But not Bob he gives the entire hoard away to the paladins. Then he makes a vow he gave the entire hoard to the gods. The high priestess confirmed it not a copper coin did he keep from the hoard. That was really smart I have seen what greed does to the villagers. Now instead of a mark he is a pious man the churches will protect. You need to deal with this with tact. Its only a small stretch of land. So lets just give it to him.¡± Dunston swallowed seeing a wanted poster of Bob for the murder of Lord Michael. The image of Michael being kicked in the balls and the blood stain from what remained of his balls shook him. Dunston swallowed ¡°Let him keep the land and then hire a couple of assassins to kill him. ¡± Jeffery swallowed ¡°Sir there were several attempts made to kill Bob it did not end well. Several dozen of the families of the would be assassins were found horribly murdered and someone feed lady Grey that laxative just before she was about to get married. The rumour is Bob was the one who tossed her off that roof ¡± Bob was a farmer who hated farming. He hated getting up early he hated his stupid sheep he hated the small rocky fields his father had rented for 50 percent of its annual yield. Not that Bob paid taxes any more. Burying the last three tax collectors who came around alive in a bog tended to stop anyone else suggesting you owed them rent. Bob particularly hated his lord Dunston. Dunston had a fancy horse and did not have to deal with the sheep that wandered off into goblin territory. Dunston did not have to get up before the sun rose to feed a few scrawny chickens. Dunston did not have bunions on his feet or a lair of skin so thick you could accidentality stand on a fire and not notice it. Bob might hate Dunston but when a letter came saying he had a legal right to all of Dunston Lands and property. Bob knew something was fishy. Dunston was a noble the letter came from nobles why would they want Bob to take Dunston lands. Some people might say Bob was a hero mostly people who heard he gave away cattle and had not even taken a gold coin from a dragons hoard which he had donated to help the paladins fight the undead. Anyone who thought Bob was a good person was a idiot who had not seen the devastation he had left behind. Bob had taken one look at the dragons hoard and realised that if his neighbours had such a massive fortune he would be the first to slit their throats in the middle of the night to steal it. He had given the cattle away because he did not have enough land to feed them all. By giving them away he made a good impression with the free farmers. Not one of Bob''s neighbours had received a cow. This was because most of them were serfs and fairly much owned by Dunston who could have demanded the cows from them. It was also because Bob did not want anyone selling cheaper milk than him in the local area. Starring at the Letter again Bob decided to find out what was going on. The priestess Flow was related to Dunston but while she might have been a Priestess sworn to obey the gods in all things the gods were far away and Bob and his belt was close by. She would tell him what he wanted to know or he would strip her naked and tie her to a post until she told him what he wanted to know. Bob face almost always had a scowl. The local village guard Hector had learned quickly that Bob scowl went away when he was happy or about to horribly main someone. Bob did not look happy and was not scowling so seeing Bob approach the single church in the village Hector decided to spend the rest of the day fishing. Bob walked into the church checking for thunder clouds. Bob did not know much about the gods but he had done horrible things to a lot of goblins and vaguely felt if there were actually gods of justice around they might want to punish him. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. Bob glad that another bolt of lightening did not hit him entered the church and glared at the Priestess Flow who looked like she wanted to shit herself. Bob''s voice was like deaths. ¡°Everyone except Flow get out.¡± The three old ladies and one old man fled as Flow pulled herself up and spoke ¡°I am a high priestess of all the human gods of light and righteous. Their divine power and authority flows through me who are you to dare challenge the might of the gods. For ten thousand years slaves like you have begged to serve your betters. Who are you to come in here and make a fuss.¡± ¡°I am Bob¡± The temple seemed to get darker and the air colder as Bob spoke. The air of menace in Bob''s face caused Flow to take a step backwards afraid. Bob pulled out a pliers and a wanted poster with his name on it and looked at Flow. ¡°I am Bob so tell me why I received this letter about taking over your nephew Dunston lands or you can join Lady Grey in her coffin.¡± The church seemed to get darker as Bob''s eyes seemed to get darker. Flow swallowed ¡°It must be because of the taxes. Lord Dunston owes the king 20 trained men and 2 knights for a months worth of service a year. He has not paid in the last five years. My nephew must have annoyed someone. We can get this straightened up instead of military service he can pay a mercenary band to do his owed service. ¡± Bob looked at Flow ¡°So this document is real?¡± ¡°Of course it is real your being used as a method to get my nephew Dunston to pay up faster.¡± Bob blinked and read the note again. Apparently Lord Dunston had 2 months from the time of receiving the note to make payments to the king in gold or men of arms otherwise Bob would be given his lands under the condition he protected them and rendered military service to the king. Bob re read the note and headed off to see the local guard Hector. Hector had gone home telling everyone he had a stomach ache. Bob headed to Hector hut and kicked the door in with a single kick. Hector looked up his face pale with terror ¡°I swear Bob I will do anything you want. Just do not kill me.¡± A smile appeared on Bob''s face ¡°Sorry about the door I guess I forgot about my enhanced strength from my hunter class. Now Hector I have here a tax lean on Dunston property I want you to come up and put Dunston under arrest until he can pay the lean. Bring your cuffs¡± Hector swallowed and read the tax bill¡°Lord Dunston has that kind of gold in his petty cash. He will pay you and you will have another enemy. So why are you doing this? ¡± A smile appeared on Bob''s face that looked demonic ¡°You bring Dunston down to be processed and I will seal off his house. We can not have Lord Dunston destroying any evidence after all¡± Hector face turned from pale to white. ¡°Your going to steal his gold and then have him tossed into debtors prison so you can steal his land¡± ¡°Hector nothing could be further from the truth. I am a decent and what is the word honest farmer. What would I know of such dark matters as that.¡± A knot appeared in Hectors stomach. Dunston was a noble and they stuck together. When word was sent around he helped Bob throw a noble into jail and steal from one of the chosen his life would be over. If Dunston regained his position he would be fired and more than likely framed for something bad enough to get him killed. He looked around desperately trying to find a way out. Bob''s dark eyes seemed to swallow him as Bob grinned ¡°What is the difference between stealing a chest of gold or a copper coin? They will hang you from the neck for stealing either. Of course if you steal a copper coin and get away with it you have to do it again the next day. Steal a chest of gold and you get to live the rest of your life in luxury.¡± Hector swallowed ¡°They will kill me for helping you¡± ¡°Good thing for me your more afraid of me then them.¡± Hector desperately looked around and spotted his sword Bob was unarmed ¡°I have a sword you do not. Why do we not forget the whole thing. Dunston is not the worst lord. He might be a little full of himself with that whole we are going to take land from the goblins but he did reduce taxes.¡± Bob snorted ¡°You mean he borrowed money so he could bring his friends out to brothels and then realising his slaves had no gold borrowed more. I remember when the tax men came around to let us know that we had to pay a defence levy. The old lady Mary the tax men kicked her out of her house and tossed her into a ditch. My dad''s eyes lit up because old Lady Mary''s farm was not doing so well. Now that old lady used to toss rocks at me if I went near her apple tree but she did not deserve my dad slitting her throat for her few belongings ¡± A lump formed in Hector throat ¡°Wait your dad did what?¡± ¡°Relax she paid him to do it. She was old and barely scrapped by having some of the handy men look after her small farm. She also made clothes but with no loom how was she suppose to make a living? She came to my dad for a quick end to her life rather than starve.¡± Bob looked at Hector ¡°You know it was a dragon that started me on my way to the top. Do you think I actually wanted to kill it? That one day I just got up decided to punch a mountain until it was a lake and then eat my dinner of boiling metal. Then go off and rip the sun out of the sky before killing a dragon for supper? It was a dragon a flying fire breathing city killer. I was a level 2 farmer who sometimes hunted squirrels. What you think I woke up one day and decided lets go kill something that can kill me by farting on me. True story when I was killing the dragon it was in too much pain to move but it farted and only that there was a chain blocking its ass saved me. I killed the dragon because I had too.¡± Hector swallowed ¡°What about all the goblins you killed? Was that because you had too?¡± ¡°No that was me I had just had to give away the dragons hoard. There are skills that let you know if you give all of a reward to the church. If I had kept a single copper coin or even a piece of broken pottery from that hoard the skill would not have registered me as having giving it all. There I was sitting on a mound of gold and jewels and I had to give them away to survive. I was crazy angry and looking to hurt someone. So I decided I decided to get a couple of sub class levels that gives me enough strength that I do not have to worry about thieves slitting my throat in the night. It turns out levelling a mystic class even a mystic sub class takes a lot more experience than you would imagine. ¡± Hector paled ¡°you killed over 10000 goblins for a couple of levels.¡± ¡°Not couple one level like I said its a mystic level sub class. Luckily the poison I feed the boar monsters counted towards my experience. I managed to get to level 2 in my sub class after I put down a couple of wagons of poison in the local lake. Of course I did not know about the side effects. You know I got a title you are Bob it has insane effects¡± The air seemed to darken ¡°My title causes intimidation. Great if your a warrior you get to look at the enemy and there is a chance they will die of fright. In a battle all your soldiers will listen to you and the enemy will cower in fright. I bet even now Flow is too scared to go warn Lord Dunston about me and the questions I asked her. Dunston soldiers will more than likely be too scared to stand up to me so I will be able to walk in the front gate and take the castle. It is a great title right? Helps you out conqour everything and no one will even try and stop you. Well it has one problem I tried to go to a strip club and the girls fainted. I walked into a inn with a hooker and she ran up the stairs and threw herself off the roof while screaming do not beat me. Turns out if I try to arrange a marriage my bride to be suddenly starts to have nightmares. So what I need is a paladin bride. It turns out some kinds of paladins are immune to my title¡± Bob eyes glowed ¡°So I need a female non lesbian paladin of the gods of light to marry me. Now here is the kicker she has to be high level because my title is apparently one of very best. So out of every 10 knights one is a paladin. Out of every 20 paladins one is a female. I had a mage cast a spell there are 5 paladins of light of high enough level for me to marry in the local area. 3 are Lesbians 1 is happily married and the last looks like a rhino sweats a lot and once bit someone ear off for asking if she was ok because she was eating a chicken bones and all. So what do you do when you find out you have no suitable marriage partners and no female will ever touch your hand willingly? Well I was not going to stay un touched for life. I certainly was not going to kill myself. What I did was simple found a loop hole. Any priestess with combat training can change their class to paladin. ¡± The air seemed to darken ¡°So listen Hector. I need to get a priestess to agree to change class and marry me. That means I need to promise her things like for instance say I was lord of a territory. I could build her a church and being married to a lord would allow her to level up easily with all the gold I could pour into her skill training. So if you try and stop me the last thing you will do is try and beg to be put out of your misery. I say try here because I will have cut off your tongue at this stage and be pouring healing potions on the stumps you used to call fingers. I am I can make you last for weeks begging for a end which when it finally comes will herald the beginning of a worse nightmare. I have skills that I can use to torture even the dead ¡± Hector desperately began to think as Bob dragged him towards the small keep lord Dunston owned. Bob strode forward looking at anyone who came near. Hector watched as the villagers paled and either ran away or stood their like statues. They reached the keep to find 2 massive dogs their path. Bob looked hard at the dogs one of the dogs crapped itself the other turned around and ran for it. Bob sighed ¡°I had a dog for three whole weeks before it died one night when I flexed my title¡± Hector tried thinking of anything he could say to get Bob to change his mind. How do you persuade someone that not being able to have sex ever again is a good thing. Hector racked his brain thinking of how the lord had gotten him to hand over his extra taxes. He had told them they would attack the goblins who were stealing from them and reclaim there property. Given the average goblin had a pointy stick and a smelly loin cloth no one wanted except another goblin Hector wondered what he had been thinking getting excited. It was definitely a idea worth thinking about if Lord Dunston could do it he could as well. Now what had Lord Dunston said? Hector was still getting ready to talk Bob down when they he realised he was in Dunston office. The smile on Bob face was chilling. Dunston began to talk ¡°I am lord Dunston your better . How dare you enter my study room you worm slave¡± bob hand lashed out and he slapped Dunston. As Lord Dunston turned in mid air and several of his teeth struck the nearby wall. Bob looked down at the unconscious Dunston and turned to Hector. ¡°I will not ask you to kick him today. But I will ask you to do it before I send him off to pay off his debts. Your free not to kick him of course but if you do not at least break a couple of his bones I will have to fire you.¡± Bob sighed ¡°You know if you want to give him a kick now I will pay you to look over a couple of his books and letters. I do not want to have to look into fat boys financial records alone¡± Hector shook his head and Bob nodded ¡°Fair enough you can wait until you know which way the winds blowing. But bear in mind if it was today where I managed to get my hands on a dragon hoard I would be keeping all of that gold for myself. I am a lot stronger than I was.¡± Chapter 002 Strength Flow looked at her Lawyer Clark and the cold look in his face. The jokes about vampires not biting lawyers because they had no blood came back to Flow. Reminding herself that Clark was not one of her family lawyers and could be trusted somewhat she sat back and listened to what Clark had to say. ¡°First I am keeping your retainer secondly Dunston is not getting a copper coin off Bob. And even if he did his creditors would swoop in and take that copper coin off him. Dunston mortgaged his lands with three separate banks and invested in real estate. His lands in full were valued at 110 magic coins. He borrowed 105 from each of the 3 banks. Leaving him with a debt of 315 plus interest 321. Now lets start with the valuation of 110 magic gold coins on his original lands . His lands were valued at that because he did not have to worry about goblins. Apparently Bob''s passive skill keeps them away. If Bob were to move away his lands would be valued at 75 to 85 magi gold coins. So for land valued at around 80 magic gold coins Dunston took out loans of 321 I believe Dunston invested poorly and the city property he bought at 321 is now worth 195 magic coins.¡± Clark pulled out another folder ¡°I have not checked this because if I do and I am right I have to alert the city commander. But I believe that Dunston might have mortgaged the city property as well. Now if and I say if he did this it might explain his lifestyle his gambling and whore bills would be rather substantial. Again I have not checked but if Dunston did take loans on his city property with multiple banks. Even with his lifestyle he would have in the region of 125 to 250 magic gold coins left. Enough to leave the country and buy a lordship elsewhere. Can I ask what you want to do? Should someone inform the banks about the loans then your nephew Dunston will be imprisoned for life. He still has a narrow window to bail himself out of debtors prison and flee the country.¡± Flow snorted ¡°Feed that pig to the city magistrate. Now how is this going to effect me am I liable for anything?¡± ¡°The slavers might not like having the loan they made Dunston defaulted on. Then there is Impale Im High Thomas and of course the humans first group. Then there is the issue of the other loans Dunston made against the city properties. For deniability issues I did not check the register of loans. But I suspect given Impale Im high Thomas and the slavers will be out for blood. The other creditors might also use less than legal methods to try and extract some of their gold back¡± Clark stopped talking for a second obviously thinking and then began to speak again ¡°Alright normally in these cases I would suggest throwing Bob to the wolves. However in this case that will not work. They ran a check with a oracle on his current strength. The price on his head would need to be 250 ¨C 350 Gold magic coins for a 15 percent chance of him outright killing the assassin. 50 percent chance he has to fight the assassin for three blows before killing him. 18 ¨C 20 percent chance the assassin managed to deliver one damaging blow. That leaves a 15 to 17 percent chance of him fleeing before the assassin can finish him off. I have the report if you want it¡± Seeing Flow nod Clark passed over the report. ¡°They think Bob ate the entire dragon and adsorbed a lot of its natural strength. We know he used its blood to gain the steel skin skill. The rest of the report reads like a demon god status sheet. No one wants to mess with someone that strong. Not that it matters to you but it would be different if Bob was less violent. If Bob were more reasonable the slavers would be able to talk to him and show him the error of his ways. The slavers would tell him either pay up or they would target his sisters. Can you image what he would do to them if they were that foolish? There is a report of him castrating a knight who bumped into him. He killed the knight and 12 of the knights friends cut heir heads off and poised their headless naked corpses in unusual positions because someone bumped into him. What would he do if they actually threatened his sisters?¡± Bob looked at the slaver market and got ready to kill. From inside a cage a small girl called out ¡°Please buy us mister they do not feed us much and my brother is starving¡± Bob nodded ¡°I will come get you after I finish making a statement in the market. ¡± The local slaver guards looked at him putting on his armour and one of the thin scrawny ones asked ¡°Oh yeah what kind of statement are you going to make?¡± Bob smiled ¡°Its simple I need to send a message do not mess with me or mine. The best way of doing this is finding someone everyone hates and making a example of them. You find a child beater or someone who stole from a old lady and horribly main them and their family. ¡± A demons smile would have been less scary than Bob''s ¡°You know a lot of clerics have called me evil for killing my enemies families but I have family of my own, If I need to make a statement to remind people that there is a rabid dog guarding them then that is what I have to do.¡± the trembling scrawny guard spoke up ¡°Mister listen we do not want any trouble how about I buy you a drink and we can¡± ¡°I AM BOB AND BOB SAY''S YOUR ALL GOING TO DIE TODAY¡± A bellow came from Bob''s mouth and pulling one sword for each of his hands Bob beheaded 5 guards. Three heads bounced from the swing of his right hand and 2 from the swing of his left. Bob looked at a guard still alive on his left hand side and smiled ¡°Guess I am going to have to work on that.¡± Seeming to disappear Bob moved forward killing guards. Humming Bob reached the slave market entrance and grabbing some of the guards heads he had cut off began to toss them into the slave market. From inside the market the guards began to scream at the customers. ¡°No one move or go near the wards. With them up he can not get at us if you rush out he can destroy the wards. Kill that fat tub of lard trying to sneak past the wards¡± From inside Bob heard a scream as someone was obviously being hacked to pieces. Bob decided enough was enough and pulled out a couple of vials from his belt and tossed them into the slave market before heading back to talk to the young slave girl in the cage. Seeing the cages that held the bargain slaves Bob shook his head and began to cut the ropes holding the slaves. As even the slaves cowered from him put him into a bad mood. He approached the little girl in the cage and noticed she did not seem as afraid as the others. The girl nodded at him. ¡°My name is Rabbit what is yours?¡± ¡°I better not tell you I have a active skill that activates when I say my name anyway I just told everyone my name.¡± Rabbit nodded ¡°So are you here to free me and my brother?¡± ¡°Well it depends I will free you. But if the slavers kill enough of the rich customers I will not be doing anything.¡± Above the slave market plumes of smoke began to rise. Rabbits eyes began to shone ¡°How did you get so strong Mister¡±Bob chuckled ¡°My sub classes the first is mystic hunter. It only goes to level 5 but the bonuses are great. I also have a alchemy sub class fairly high level as well. Its the second class that is proving its worth today. A warrior can only barge in and kill a few slavers before being chased away. A alchemist can point out that if someone put a barrel of rage juice in the local water. Or hunger potion nothing like having your wife go insane and bite it off during sex. Then there is hair loss serum or putting worm eggs coated in acid resistant potion into the food. The list goes on and on but bottom line a alchemist especially a senior one like myself can do a lot of damage observe. ¡± Bob pulled out a vial and looked at Rabbit ¡°So where is your brother?¡± ¡°He is at the inn. Our owner is too cheap to put us up in the warehouse so he locks us in the stables¡± Bob nodded and tossed the vial in his hand into the slave market. He winked at Rabbit ¡°The earlier vials I tossed in were tear gas vials that is a acid cloud vial. It will not do much damage but the effect will hopefully panic the buyers inside. Hear is a tip for you never kill a bunch of noble brats because they have families that will send out their highly trained soldier to deal with you. Get your enemies in this case the slavers to do it for you.¡± Bob pulled out a couple of vials of red liquid. ¡°Of course if that does not work you can always use dragon breath explosive vials. Its not ideal even if the slavers kill a lot of the nobles inside they will still blame you because you threw a potion that ignites human flesh at their babies. Of course while killing a few important nobles will get you in trouble it also sends a message. This guy is crazy do not mess with him. Remember strength is almost everything in this world. Having a reputation for insanity can keep you safe. The more they say that guy is crazy the less likely they will mess with you.¡± ¡°That guuy is Crazyy he kknockked ouut my teeeeth¡± Lord Dunston looked at his family members who did not look happy. In particular he did not like the look in his aunt Flow eyes. Flow spoke up ¡°You borrowed money from the slavers the humans first and of course Impale Im High Thomas. You borrowed money from impale im high Thomas a maniac who stuck his brother on a pole and left him to die. It took his brother three days to die three days what do you think he will do to you when you do not pay up? ¡± Dunston looked stunned ¡°I haave theee goold¡± ¡°No you do not. Stupid nephew you think Bob wanted to be landed with your debts. Bob let the humans first knights know about your scheme they put in a request for there gold back in first. It looks like they are going to make their gold back and then some. Meanwhile the slavers and Imaple im high Thomas are looking to our family to re pay them. Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. The slavers do not matter because Bob being Bob has begun to slaughter them. Apparently he is also a high level alchemist given the huge number of Orcs that have been recently poisoned and the automatic slime creation machine they found in the troll lands. No what we have to worry about is Impale IM High Thomas who wants his gold back all of it.¡± Dunston paled as flow looked at the other members of her family. ¡°I caaan Geett the GOOLD¡± ¡°No offence Dunston but I doubt that but I am going to give you a chance to prove your claim. Your being moved to a new cell with a few new cell mates. The Brick, Harry the stallion and of course the Three Leg The Ass Bandit.¡± A screaming Dunston was dragged away. Flow sighed ¡°Alright given Bob is happily slaughtering all the slavers how is that going Harold?¡± Harold looked up ¡°Surprisingly well you would think the slavers would have a couple of powerhouses on permanent retainer. Maybe they did but no one has tried to stop Bob yet. So far he is attacking the slaver strongholds outside the market. By attacking I mean kicking in doors killing everyone older than ten years old. The human slaves are all being sent to his lands. No idea about the non human. The slavers are still holed in the market with a lot of annoyed nobles. Apparently the slavers will not let the wards go down to leave out the ¡± Flow blinked ¡°Wait how is he getting away with that?¡± ¡°It could be the 20 barrel''s of dragon flame he was seen with inside the city walls. He gifted the local town guard a barrel. They brought it out and lit it on fire the explosion could be seen 20 kilometres away. At this moment there are 4 such barrels on a wagon tied to the main gate. The wagon has wards drawn all over it. No one knows where the other 15 barrels are. So Flow any other news of that psychopath? ¡± ¡°Yes reports are coming in from several of the orc villages. Apparently Bob not only poisoned them but built some kind of slime farms. The slimes are attacking those weakened by the poison and levelling up. The orcs giant wolves have also had to be put down after several of them attacked their masters. Clark mentioned several flocks of sheep seem to have developed a hunger for flesh and ate there shepherds. Its like the ninth circle of hell in the orc lands at the moment. Unfortunately this means the humans first are all throwing their support behind Bob. Or farmer Bob as they say now days. He has registered as a noble and gets a second name. Which he choose as The Farmer. Who calls themselves the farmer? I have a rough breakdown of his status here¡± Name Bob Surname The Farmer Race ??? (no one human would do all of those things to the goblins) Strength estimated 17 - 18 Endurance estimated 16 - 17 Intelligence estimated 17 - 20 hp points too many unknowns to guess Mana minimum 3 times the amount of a mage Known skills 3 Passive Mystic tier 1 mystic tier unknown function steel skin level ??? Archery ??? Alchemy master level minimum Class Lord Level ??? sub class God level hunter level 4 Max 5 sub class legendary alchemist level 10 minimum Max 60 (Best guess only) Known titles I am Bob Effect 1 Passive causes anyone near bob to feel fear Effect 2 Causes people to think less of Bob Effect 3 When Bob says I am Bob he can direct a sense of dread at people. Known uses Used on a wedding bride and made her and her bridesmaids soil themselves. Bob constantly uses this on horses as a form of joke if he sees anyone standing behind a horse. However there have been several deaths when the horse has bolted instead of soiling the person behind it. In combat it should be noted several of Bob''s enemies have died of heart attacks due to this title Oracles regularly use spells to check on Bob''s power levels. Unfortunately no one knows the exact extent of his strength however based on the sudden increase in Bob''s danger level the last mystic skill he received was a active combat skill. Bob has been known to fight for 5 to six days never taking a break which suggests high level sleep resistance skills. Note Bob can and will assault small fortress on his own. He will attempt to weaken the fortresses before hand but if this fails he will physically break down the front gate and rip anyone who stands against him with his bare hands if needed. He has successfully done this on two separate occasions Main strengths Any threat Bob makes he will generally actually do. If he says I will come over there rip off your leg and stick it down your throat if you do not move. He will actually try to rip off your leg. If he can not he will cut off your leg and as long as you are still alive try and stick it down your throat. The fact he will follow through in his threats means that many assassins will not try and kill him due to fear of what will happen if they fail His physical skills are top of the line. In several of his attacks against the goblins he simply ran around with a sling and killed any goblin in his way. When the goblins sent out their own archers to ambush him they found their arrows could not penetrate his steel skin passive skill Weaknesses His sisters might be a point of weakness Warning Bob slaughtered a number of knights for apparently nothing. On closed inspection all the knights had a habbit of calling women names and whistling on a street near where his sisters were staying. Bob has been bluffed several times. He will not walk into a situation where there is a reasonable chance of a ambush that actually stands a chance of killing him . Greyston the Orc used this to bluff Bob on three occasions. Warning Bob ambushed Greyston in his village and killed him and his entire village. Greyston was found nailed to a tree outside his village with Bob was here carved into his chest. Do not Bluff Bob unless you have some way of paying him off. Flow pulled out several pieces of paper. ¡°On the face of it Bob is a maniac who goes around slaughtering everyone who looks at him the wrong way. But anyone who thinks that is a idiot. He is smart and careful. That would be fine if he was a cowardly bully like in all the villains in the Bards stories. Unfortunately he is not a coward and if you stand up to him and treat him like a bully from the stories he will simply hit you harder. What we need to do is not get between him and what is left of Dunston''s gold. Anyone object?¡± The door burst in and a terrified man burst in. Impale Im high Thomas eyes were wide and his normally cold face was a mess. He fell to his knees ¡°You have to help me that maniac Bob just cut all my men in half and is coming after me. He cut my knight Justin and his horse in half with a dagger. One swing and Justin and the horse were cut in half. Justin was a heavy knight wearing the best armour and he died to a knife. One swing its not possible I must have imagined things. Its not real right?¡± Flow sighed ¡°Well now we know what Bob''s active skill does. It must be cut or cleave well something physical. Thomas what did you do to make Bob angry.¡± ¡°It was my gold that brat Dunston borrowed. He dared steal from me. Then I find out Bob has arranged things so that the humans first group get their gold back all of it and then some. But where is my gold? He was more afraid of the humans first party that me me Impale Im High Thomas. It could not stand I am Impale Im High Thomas and that means something. I crawled out of the gutter on the bodies of my enemies. You can not fear the humans first party more than me. Who are they some stuck up nobles? So when I heard he was just sitting outside the slave market I sent around some of the boys to gut him. They were all high level trained for years in combat with the best of equipment. He was some farmer armed with a couple of rusty swords. The wimps did not even last a minute I saw a recording he gutted them like fish. One swing one dead knight. They were my best but I overpaid he gutted them so fast the first one he chopped in half did not even realise he was dead before he finished up. I need time to gather men real men they type that can stand up to Bob. Help me and I will give you all of my tannery businesses¡± Flow sighed looking at the greed on the faces of the rest of her family¡°We are weaker at least in the local area than you. Bob will back down if we threaten him. But he is not a vegetarian or one of those forgive and forget type of people. He will back down and then when we are venerable the last thing we will see is his thumbs ripping out our eyeballs. Is that what you want?? ¡± Timothy one of the branch family members spoke out ¡°We should at least hear him out.¡± ¡°Timothy you live three days away by coach and are poor. Given you have no troops here and Bob would not take revenge against you due to the fact your poor and live so far away you get to say nothing¡± Timothy puffed himself up and Flow glared at him ¡°Sit down or I will rip off your fingernails one at a time you poor weak man child. You need actual troops to speak. I have a few temple paladins we can use. If we put up a show and you do some begging its even possible Bob will not be in a position to rob you of much.¡± Impale Im High Thomas got off the ground and looked at Flow ¡°What are you talking about?¡± ¡°Bob does not like to take risks. He will want to finish off the slavers more than taking your gold. So we offer to help him do that and he agrees you trying to kill him was a mistake. As long as you do not meet him in a dark alley he will forget you are alive¡± Impale Im High Thomas looked at flow. ¡°I can hire real men to take care of this upstart¡± ¡°He stuck a anchor up a dragons ass because it would not shit on his fields. He killed a dragon because it refused to fertilize his fields who are you going to hire to deal with that kind of brutality. Even the Red Crusher would laugh at you if you offered him your entire fortune. ¡± Chapter 003 Bobs start A old goblin named Goodgoblin sat in front of group of small Goblins and smiled at them. ¡°Do you want to hear the story of Yobo and the bloody murdering maniac Bob?¡± The young goblin became quite and a female goblin one of the older spoke up ¡°But Goodgoblin my mother said that if you tell stories of Bob he will come take you in the night and cook you in his pot ¡± Goodgoblin smiled ¡°For others not for me.¡± ¡°The beginning of what was to be called the time of blood and sorrow by most and by me reasons never to F*** with that maniac Bob Started with a goblin called Yobo. Yobo being a smart goblin had set himself up as a merchant. Being a merchant in those days was different than it is today. The humans were not pushing forward and goblins ruled the wild places and hills. A goblin could trade with the humans and raid the humans. In those days goblins used to raid the human farms. In some cases killing the humans and taking their goods. Yobo had started out as a raider but a lucky escape from a arrow convinced him that raiding was for less intelligent goblins. Having killed a human Shepard and stolen a couple of his cows. Yobo felt that he had enough wealth to become a major merchant. What he failed to realise is that the pathetic amount of trade goods he had and risked his life for goods that were not worth a goat. Luckily he was leading 2 Ox to the market. A local offered to feed him if he would get the ox to pull out some stumps. A deal was struck and Yobo managed to at least eat. After a few days of helping the old couple of farmers pull out tree stumps and moving goods Yobo decided to do the smart thing and went to the pub. The inn keeper Dolores a old lady who was still active was able to help Yobo. The local farmers had many illicit stills which produced cheap beer and whiskey. If Yobo would deliver the booze to a local orc encampment while avoiding any tax men Dolores would cut him in on a third of the profit. Now Yobo knew he was being taken advantage of but what did it matter to him? If he made a few runs he would be able to hire his own minions to take the risk. It was then that Yobo would first hear about Bob who later came to be known as the great disaster. Bob was a small time farmer who rented a couple of rocky fields from his lord. He had a hovel he shared with his sisters. Bob was not educated but being a farmer knew how to estimate and plan ahead. In this case Bob''s lord was raising his rent to pay for troops to protect him. They were raising Bob The Bloody Butcher suspected of slaughtering millions of goblins rent to pay for troops to stop goblins attacking. Now as you can imagine Bob was not eager to pay. But at the time he still had a farmer class and the lord had plenty of mercenaries. Bob decided to do a bit of smuggling and turned to Yobo. Under a huge Oak tree at night a deal was done. Yobo gave Bob a couple of barrel''s of whiskey and Bob gave Yobo a few silver coins. The both traded their goods without a word being said and went their separate ways. Yobo being Yobo organised another shipment and decided to ask Bob if he wanted to cut out the middle men. Bob agreed and business started to pick up. Bob was Bob and even with out his later legendary class''s he proved to be a mighty warrior. Yobo noticed the bear that lived near there meeting place going missing. He also noticed how when a injured hungry wolf came down the mountain and was thinking of eating him Bob looked at it and the Wolf ran off as fast as its three legs could carry it. Even then Bob was Bob. His full strength and power had not had a reason to truly show itself. Now little goblins remember this if nothing else. We have rules for a reason and you have all been told which warrior classes to choose for a reason. If you get the choice of a decent class you take it and we will support you. Had Bob been a goblin he would have been our God and lead us to conquer the world. Had the humans nobles supported Bob and helped him he would not have had every noble in a thousand miles tied to a piece of wood and thrown into the swamp of despair. When I was young that swamp was called the Moo''s swamp after the cow that got almost got lost in it. Nowadays you have to avoid it due to all the ghosts and undead skeletons running around in it. The human nobles forced him into a class he hated and he took action when he could. And by action I mean he buried everyone responsible up to their necks and let the rats and crows eat them. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. The old folk goblin hate Bob. He came in he killed us and used our flesh to make candles. He took our future and now those of us who survive live on reservations waiting for the sound of human boots. When I was young we were slowly growing in power and the humans losing theirs. Given a few years it would have been us pushing the humans out of their lands. Hate Bob for what he did to us but hate fate more. Hate the fact Bob was not born a goblin.¡± Goodgoblin patted his sweaty head ¡°Enough of a sermon then younglings time for me to tell you about Yobo and Bob. Now Yobo was doing well he had a couple of wives and was expanding. Bob was not doing well his lords were taxing him and the amount of silver he was earning from smuggling was not much in human terms. For while a few silver coins are a lot to a goblin to a human it was barely enough to buy a donkey. Bob being Bob never wore shoes because he was too poor. He slept on leaves and grass in his room and ate things even goblins would not. But Bob''s donkey had metal horseshoes slept on a old mattress he bought it and had a worn out blanket. He feed the donkey better food than he had himself because with that donkey he would not have a future. Things took a turn for the worst for Yobo and Bob when a couple of town soldiers noticed the local inn was selling cheap beer and whiskey. They wanted a cut and by cut they wanted 80 percent of the profits. They beat the inn keeper until he told them about Yobo and laid in wait for Yobo. Yobo not knowing about the town guards arrived to deliver his whiskey and meet Bob who told him a couple of towns guards and been killed by goblin raiders and he would have to flee. Yobo was no fool and the scent of blood on Bob was unmistakable so he tossed out the barrels of beer he had and took his cart and ran. Three days later he found out that two guards bodies had been found dead from a rock to the head. A month later he was back delivering beer and whiskey to Bob. But there were consequences for the deaths of the town guards. In this case a more corrupt man at arms named Otto was hired to drive off any would be goblin raiders. Now Otto was a drunk a womanizer and could not write his own name. But he was no fool so when he looked into Bob''s eyes when he came around to see about collecting the tax. He decided Bob needed a tax cut. In fact Otto told Bob if he wanted he could take a cut from his wages to assist him. Now while Otto was not a fool neither was Bob. If he took Otto coin then Otto would look for others to kill him. So Bob suggested a solution he would expand his smuggling business and cut Otto in. Otto took one look at Bob''s cold hard eyes and knew if he said no he was not going to live. So a deal was struck as time passed Bob managed to grow his fields and things were looking up for him. Or they were until three things happened. The first both of Bob''s sisters showed talent so he needed more silver to pay for there apprenticeships. The second a goblin chief known as Gladstone got drunk and killed Bob''s donkey while it was being rented out to a freeholder goblin. The third thing that happened was the local lord was found to be embezzling . This meant that he was censored and had some of his powers taken away. Unfortunately for Bob one of those rights was the right to tax beer and alcohol products.¡± Goodgoblin looked at the small goblins ¡°Bob was smuggling in cheap beer and selling it a massive mark up. How was he to compete against actual Brewers with skills that helped them create cheap and tasty booze. Bob decided to meet with Yobo and ask his advice. Yobo was upset that his venture had come to a end but there was nothing to be done. The goblins were too poor to buy smuggled weapons from the humans. And they had nothing else the humans wanted. That is when Bob asked the question that haunted Yobo for the rest of his life. The Lord will raise the rents again he has to he squandered all of the silver he took in taxes to help fight the goblin hordes. So do I take a medium risk or a small risk. The small risk might see me in the clear for a year maybe more. But after that I will have to find something else. The medium risk the odds are low of it working but if it does not more than likely no one will blame me for it. Which do you think is best Yobo? When Yobo asked what the small risk was. Bob told him I will kill Otto and take his silver he has a bit plus his horse and armour. Now children at this stage Yobo was getting worried. Here he was a goblin next to a blood thirst maniac who knew he had silver hidden away. Was Bob going to capture him torture the location of his silver out of him and then eat him alive? Bob told Yobo he needed a anchor a small one that folded up as well as a chain and nails that could be twisted around the chain. Yobo not wanting to end up in Bob''s cooking pot explained that yes he could supply him with the anchor and a few sponges as well as a few claptraps. Yobo did not know why Bob wanted the steel nail claptraps of the shards of metal spikes. But he knew he better give Bob a good price or else he would be the first person being robbed and murdered. Finally Bob thanked Yobo and called him a Good Goblin before heading off to brew laxatives. That is how I got the name Goodgoblin from the destroyer of hope Bob''s own lips¡± Chapter 004 Tell me a story Rabbit being a small little 12 or 13 year old girl who had been beaten all her life was usually grim and depressed. Not that she looked it she had family she did not what to know how bad things were. But things were looking up in front of Rabbit a mount of bodies most of them cut in half were piled up and Bob was happily looting them. He pointed out at one of the knights ¡°Look at that rich arseholes he did not have the knights class but he still wore armour. If he had bought 20 suits of basic armour and armed soldiers with half decent classes it might have taken me a few minutes to gut them all which would have given him time to run away. ¡± Pulling a half of the knight up with one hand Bob looted a purse from the knight with the other. ¡°You know the goblins at least had a few archers and most owned a sling and knew how to use it. Not that it did them any good or would have done these morons any good. Use a threat detection skill idiots.¡± Rabbit blinked as Bob tossed the now naked body of the knight into a pile of other naked corpses and then looked around before looking like he was going to undo his pants. Bob sighed ¡°Ok Rabbit if you ever need to go to the toilet in a battle field you have a couple of choices just go and clean up later, Its not ideal. Battles can last hours or in some cases it might take days to chase retreating goblins. The goblins will know if you reach them they are dead so will not stop so neither can you. What you want to do is go before the fight and then take something that will stop you going for a while.¡± Rabbit looked at Bob who sighed ¡°Ok fine lets go to a restaurant and I will use their toilet while you eat. But we need to make it quick.¡± Rabbit nodded ¡°You were not actually going to do number one on them were you?¡± ¡°Of course I was its sends a clear message this is a brute that will stop at nothing.¡± Rabbit blinked and Bob looked thoughtful ¡°You know since I took over from that ass Dunston I have been less feared. It must be a hidden status number. Rabbit do me a favour if I suddenly begin to frighten you let me know. So is there a fancy restaurant nearby I for once have a lot of gold and want to try out one of those fancy meals.¡± Rabbit shook ¡°I am a slave they will not serve me.¡± ¡°They will or I will remove there feet and stuff them into their mouths while they are still alive. Or you know mostly alive most people die of blood loss when you cut off their feet. ¡± ¡°Your so funny Bob¡± ¡°Ok so what is the fanciest restaurant around here? I mean the kind of place you go to and have to sell your house to afford a glass of water. So far things have been going well but that can all change in a heart beat. So we might as well spend a fortune on a meal just in case its our last.¡± Rabbit grabbed the huge bag of silver and copper coins Bob had given her and began to walk towards the rich part of town turning to Bob she called out ¡°The rich part of town is that way so tell me a story on the way Bob.¡± ¡°How about I tell you about the first time I meet Yobo the goblin merchant prince. My sister needed a healing potion for her teeth and I needed one for my toenail. So I decided to do a little smuggling. Now the thing you have to realise is that to a goblin a goat is like a horse to us. Even a shack like the one I had well its still a shack but a regular human house is a mansion to a goblin. Which is to say goblins tend to be poorer than humans. So I was afraid the goblin was going to have one of his friends shoot me with a crossbow when I had finished the delivery. Also this was my first time doing something illegal like that. I was dreading the local town guard were going to use some kind of skill detect crime or something like that and I would have to kill them. If you kill a town guard you sometimes get a title. Some people with a identify skill can see the title so it can be hard to enter cities. Plus while being a beer smuggler gets you a knowing wink form the townspeople killing a town guards gets you a axe to the head from the local lord. I did have Dunston thrown in prison so I guess if you kill everyone who tries to arrest you do not have to worry about laws. Anyway luckily for me Yobo was always more than fair in his dealings with me its why I did not kill him later. On a dark night I was waiting hidden under a tree with a sling hidden next to me when I saw a few wolves go by. Being up a tree I decided to kill them. I was up a tree and had a sling with a bunch of rocks. Now I could not wind up the sling but I had a 5 in strength and a lot of rocks. My first shot was awful and I almost fell out of the tree. The wolves stopped running and were looking around when I got myself ready and managed to shot another rock. My second shot almost took one of the wolves eyes out but it moved its head just in time. So their I was the wolves rushing at the tree I was up dropping the rocks in my haste. I must have dropped 4 maybe 5 rocks and then the wolves were at the bottom of the tree jumping at me. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Have you ever tried to shot a sling downwards. It is not easy here I was dropping all my rocks trying not to fall and the wolves were trying to claw their way up the tree. So finally as one jumps onto the tree I grab my jacket put the rocks into one of the pockets and hit the wolf in the head. The wolf falls to the ground and breaks one of its legs. I get my sling ready and manage to hit one of the other wolves in the ear. So 2 of the wolves run off leaving there injured pack mate behind. I stay up the tree and shoot it a couple more times. After it stops screaming I hit it with 3 more stones take a look around for any of its buddies and climb down before tossing it into some bushes and climbing up the tree again. Now here I am with a bunch of wolves that might be looking to avenge their buddy. I am safe being up a tree but when Yobo gets here what do I do? Hopefully I have driven off the wolves but if they come back and I leave the tree I am in trouble. I have a dead wolf I can skin and eat hidden in the bushes which I want to keep. But mostly I do not want Yobo to know about the wolves. I am planning on smuggling for at least 5 maybe 6 years too build up a nest egg and buy some decent land. Renting well I did not like having a bunch of tax men telling me I owe half my crop to Lord Dumb ass. So I make up my mind I will have Yobo unload the beer nearby and I will hide it in the tree. Not knowing about the wolves Yobo will assume I am putting it in the tree to hide it and we can set this as a location Yobo can leave the beer from hear on out. Once Yobo leaves I could carry the dead wolf off come back with a crossbow kill the other wolves and take the beer. There was only one flaw with my plans it turns out Lord Dumb Ass taxed beer rather harshly. Yobo arrived with five barrels of whisky not five large bottles. It turns out the tax and bribes the local guards were taking was so much that you could buy a barrel of whiskey off Yobo for the same price as a glass of whiskey in the local inn. Of course I was not going to mention that I had been told it was 5 bottles of whiskey that had been paid for. I got off the tree and escorted Yobo to my house. With the amount of coin the barrels were worth I was not going to let a few stray mutts get in my way. Besides Yobo had goats in the front of his wagon. If the wolves showed up in force I could cut one of the goats and leave it and Yobo for the wolves. Then it was a case of getting 10 large bottles pouring some whiskey into them and telling the inn keeper Yobo gave us 2 for the price of 1 because he could not count. I told Yobo the inn keeper made a mistake in payment and thought he was only getting 2 bottles so Yobo would be getting almost double the coin per barrel from here on out. Yobo was happy thinking the stupid bartender did not know what he doing and he was cheating him. The bartender was happy thinking he was cheating Yobo. Well maybe not cheating more like getting the better end of the deal.¡± Rabbit looked up at Bob. ¡°You cheated them both?¡± ¡°I suppose but lets be honest they were both making quite a lot of silver so they were happy. I was happy and I made sure none had any problems. The wolves and families of bears that lived near the road Yobo took were cleared out by me with a bow I actually bought. Can you believe it I actually bought a bow rather than spend a couple of weeks carving one. I was strong even for a farmer and with a heavy duty bow the bears and wolves stood no chance. I even gave the barkeeper some free meat. Now all stories should have a moral here are mine. If I had checked the place I was to meet Yobo the day before I could have killed the wolves and kept all of there pelts. If I had been smarter I could have dug a hiding place near my farm to hide the booze. This would have made it harder for Otto he was a guard to find me. Things worked out well with Otto he was corrupt and afraid I would slit his throat if he crossed me so he did not charge me much in the way of bribes. Being fair I was thinking about doing just that just to take back the silver he took from me. The main lesson you need to know is this specialisation. When the local lord Dumb Ass lost the right to tax beer and whiskey I was put out of business when the first load of professional brewed beer and whiskey arrived. That is all it took one delivery. Yobo had a apprentice alchemist brew his beer the big merchant guild had a master brewer who had grain and hops farmers growing his crops. Then the merchant guild had professional drivers with the scout class and actual warriors to come and talk to anyone who thought they should not be stealing business from a dishonest farmer. ¡± Rabbit looked up ¡°Tell me a good story about princesses that story was bad.¡± ¡°How about the story of princess Rabbit and her talented and fair lord Bob marriage.¡± ¡°That is not a story besides who would marry you? Your covered in blood ¡± ¡°Well when your older say 17 or 18 I think you will be marrying me. I am a lord sort of I am rich and you do not have a lot of prospects. I can buy you a flying pony wait scratch that I will steal you a standard pony if you agree to think about it. I will of course let you rent a house for me until your 18 birthday and pay for any training you might need until you are of marriable age. But once you are of that age you either marry me or start paying rent.¡± Rabbit looked at Bob who shrugged ¡°Kid your about the only female who has not looked at me and run for it in a long while. On the plus side I will make sure you and your brother will be safe. On the negative your the only female that has not run screaming from me in a long time. I will be around with a bunch of flowers on your eighteen birthday.¡± Chapter 005 Tim the captain of the city guard looked down at what looked like a scene out of nightmare. Bodies were cut in half and piled in heaps. Blood was everywhere in the square. Tim watched one of his lieutenant get sick and then turned to his scout Grace. ¡°What the hell is this? Are you seriously telling me Bob did all this by himself. No farmer is going to cut a half dozen knights and twenty of their men at arms on their own so who helped him? Where is the army of giants?¡± Grace shuddered ¡°He did it himself just walked along and cut down anyone who stood against him. I watched him cut a knight and his horse in half with one swing. The two half''s of the knight just kind of slid off it was horrible. He cut three men in half with a single stroke and the others saw it and tried to run. But he was too fast that was not a man it was a demon god from the abyss. There is no way he was a farmer he must have had a sword saint main class with a berserker and some kind of speed subclass.¡± Tim thought about it and the reports he had received about Bob. ¡°No it is confirmed he was a farmer when he started out. Given the number of bodies around here he must have taken a attack skill when he reached level four in his hunter sub class¡± ¡°Sir I saw him cut straight threw a knights shield the knight and the man next to the knight in one blow. The knight was using a shield skill. Are you seriously telling me a farmer could do that?¡± ¡°Specialisation Grace it is something you were thought about yes? Bob used a skill he got from a mystic sub class. He did not go with the flashy skills he could have gotten dragons breath or maybe even flight. He went with a cutting skill and given your telling me he did all of this on his own he made the right choice¡± Starring at the bodies Grace turned back to Tim ¡°How is choosing a single skill specialisation?¡± ¡°Body mind and soul. The first mystic skill he choose was a body enhancement passive skill. His second was a learning skill that allowed him to learn skills quickly and that is the result. He must have heavy blow and maybe sword strike. Given his body immense strength from passive skill and the fact he probable three to six times stronger than with than a knight. That is 15 strength blow multiplied by his first passive body strength multiplied by say heavy blow and then multiplied by his mystic cleave skill. Then there is his steel skin skill gotten from bathing in dragon blood. Steel skin multiplied by body strength. You could hit him full force with your arrow and have it bounce off his face. For you to do damage you have to hit his eyeball. So your dealing with someone whose skin your sword bounces off While he can cut your friend and his horse in half with a single blow and the blow still have enough force to cut you in half. Even if you try and block his blow with your sword it his sword will simply cut yours in half ¡± Grace started to tremble and Tim chuckled ¡°Still this is shocking he must have raised all his skills to the maximum.¡± Seeing Grace tremble Tim spoke out to reassure her ¡°Relax its not like there are not those who can kill Bob in a fight if he gets out of line. The paladin grandmaster has a legendary class and uses a war hammer. A couple of blows of that and it will shatter all of Bob''s bones and Bob will not have any really decent skills for duels like swordsmanship because everything he has has been put into his cleave skill¡± Grace nodded ¡°Yes the grandmaster Ron is a role model for us all I saw him on his white charger when he gave a speech on how we were going to keep pushing back the goblins. Lets go get Ron now and arrest Bob.¡± Tim gave Grace the same look as someone would give there apple if they found a half eaten worm in it. ¡°Ron invested heavily in charisma skills. A standard warrior could kill Ron. With both hands tied behind his back Bob could slap him to death with his dick. No who we want is the older grandmaster Barney you know the one ancient bald no teeth looks like a cold wind would freeze him to death. He has the skills and experience to deal with Bob. The problem is getting him to actual do something. He is a human first supporter and likes Bob because no goblin will go within thirty kilometres of Bob. Plus he does not care what the local nobles think so I can not go to him without a good reason. Bob cutting a few dozen of Impale Im High men or killing a few slavers. Well even I am not going to try and arrest him for that. Gavin over their liked killing people by cutting off their limbs giving them a weak healing potion so they did not die of blood loss and then throwing them into a rat pit.¡± Tim starred hard at Grace ¡°Now I am not saying that Barney will not step in if we get into a truly nasty fight with Bob. But if we try and say save the slavers well if Barney shows up it will be to remove our heads. Remember he might be over a hundred years old and blind in one eye. He might even have no teeth and boils. But the only skills he has are war skills and nothing else. On a thousand battle fields he carved his way threw his enemies and will do the same to you if you cross him.¡± Tim turned pale and continued ¡°Bob would not have done this if Barney was not in on it. I am betting Bob has already offered him a bribe to stay on the sidelines perhaps even to help him. So as long as Bob does not target anyone innocent we do nothing.¡± Grace starred at Tim ¡°Barney has no teeth how is that old half blind man going to stand up to the Demon god that just ripped a full squad of knight apart?¡± Tim grinned ¡°Full squad of idiots they all had intimidation skills. If you want to be a warrior take warrior skills. Look at that armour its all light armour my 10 year old nephew could rip that apart with his bare hands. Now listen we are staying out of this. I get the feeling Flow is about to send a message to Bob asking him to leave the city. Who knows if she offers him enough to leave maybe he will be gone by tomorrow.¡± Grace glared at Tim ¡°Sir he murdered at least 30 people that I saw and can testify in court. ¡± Tim eyes sparkled and he nodded ¡°Well off you go and arrest him. I will not stop you.¡± Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. A blood stained farmer carrying a bag dripping with blood followed by a little girl wearing rags covered in a huge ripped cloak entered Lady Shae''s fine dining restaurant. The farmer looked at stunned patrons and at what they were eating and snorted ¡°It looks like Rabbit food no offence Rabbit. Is that a plate with a bit of sauce on it?¡± A woman dressed in suit walked over ¡°Security security where is Frank where is my security¡± The farmer grinned ¡°I told them my name is Bob¡± The entire restaurant darkened and the woman took a step backwards. Bob grinned ¡°Listen I will use your toilet I bet its one of those fancy ones with a actual mirror and I will be out of your way. Stay here and sorry Rabbit but I want food not that fancy art looking stuff on the plates of these idiots. ¡± Bob headed off to one of the toilets and Rabbit looked at the stunned customers. A terrible noise came from the toilet and then Bob came strolling out. ¡°They had a enchanted water fountain in there to wash off your ass. Come on Rabbit do you want to take a look?¡± Rabbit shook her head ¡°They showed us one at the slave camp they wanted to train some maids but they said I was too pretty. The old married women would not like me¡± Bob nodded ¡°Yes in a couple of years you might be a real beauty.¡± ¡°No a old man wanted to buy me last week.¡± Bob blinked ¡°Ok well if you see him let me know and if he is not a first cousin to the king or something like that I will snap his neck. His wife''s as well. ¡± Bob looked around at the dinners ¡°Anybody here a follower of Ron the twat or as I like to call him Ron the snot eating paladin.¡± Rabbit looked at Bob who shrugged ¡°Ron is a arsehole who goes around claiming credit for my victories. The thing is he has a decent set of charisma skills. ¡± Seeing the confusion on Rabbits face Bob smiled ¡°I do not like Ron and so I am going to beat up as many of his followers as I can while I am here. As Ron is a wimp he will not be able to do anything to me.¡± Rabbit looked up at Bob ¡°Can you beat someone up for me as well?¡± ¡°Beat up no you never beat anyone up you horribly kill them and then kill their pets before taking a crap on their dead bodies it sends a message. The only thing is Barney he is a local who is stronger than me. So I will get a list of Barney''s supporters and if there is overlap then no problem. I can not kill anyone Barney is protecting because Barney would fine me and I do not want to have to pay a blood debt.¡± Bob looked at Rabbit ¡° Ok even if Barney is protecting them as long as they are not in his inner circle I will hold them down and let you cut them into little pieces So what were the punishments they gave the slaves?¡± ¡°Well they cut off Bill''s hand when he refused to pass his debt to his children. One of the guards did not like the way old Hilda was looking at him so they cut out her eyes and made us beat her to death. They threw George naked into a hole full of ants because he stepped on the overseers shadow.¡± Bob face turned white with rage and every dinner in the restaurant looked like they wanted to run for it. Bob smile was like that of a devil. ¡°You know what let''s head back down to the slave market and we can throw in another couple of fire potions. I have a decent one.¡± The door of the restaurant burst in and Tim the guard captain shouted out ¡°Bob whatever you think of doing it set off my danger sense skill. So you can forget about doing it. Remember your a farmer and Barney is a killer with 80 years of levels and training¡± One of the patrons ¡°By the gods of light help us that maniac is talking about treating us how we treat our slaves.¡± A woman called out ¡°Barney is my grandfather if you hurt a hair on my head I will complain to him.¡± Tim face turned pale. ¡°Why is my danger sense skill not going down much. Barney will kill you if you kill his granddaughter.¡± Bob shrugged ¡°Did his wife not leave him for supporting the anti slaver league? So I am guessing he is not all that supportive of his granddaughter over there. Plus the fact she panicked means she must have some connection to the slavers.¡± Tim shuddered as Bob smiled and decided to change tactic ¡°Barney will still have to take action if you push it too far. Plus the slavers will hire someone to deal with you¡± Bob smiled and for a instant Tim thought he was looking at a smiling demon dragon. ¡°What is that I have that is most valuable to Barney? Is it my past service is it my help from where I gave him a entire dragon hoard or helped kill entire tribes goblins. No those are in the past. Is it my gold no he has more. Is it the fact I will be expanding my territory that is valuable but not enough for him to kill Ron over. What do I have that would get him to betray his oaths to the nobles and seize control over the paladins? What skill could a farmer have that would cause Barney to lay waste to your city if it was lost.¡± Tim shuddered ¡°Their is not skill a farmer could have that would cause that. No skill ever gained by mortal or god would have Barney break his oaths.¡± Bob shrugged ¡°What about a mixed skill say the cap stone skill of a mystic sub class. Such a skill would allow for much if it could be mixed with a farming skill¡± Tim snorted ¡°Now I know your tongue speaks nothing but lies. What skill could you have that would have Barney risk his immortal soul by breaking his vows. ¡± ¡°Take a guess but it is not a skill but a combination of skills.¡± Bob smiled ¡°The auger''s will use their skills to find out sooner or later but you being in the dark for a few more days will not hurt. Remember this Rabbit specialisation is the name of the game when it comes to skills¡± Bob leaned over a scared customer and looked at her plate of food ¡°This could have been your last meal had things gone differently and you choose that green mess. I have eaten cow waste that looked better than that. The cow waste tasted horrible but that looks even worse. See Rabbit I am mannered I did not say¡± Rabbit punched Bob who chuckled ¡°OK lets get some food from a street vendor. Rabbit outside now¡± Rabbit rushed out the door and Bob smirked at the customers ¡°But before I go ¡± A fart echoed from Bob the customers nearest to Bob began to puke and one fainted. Another clawed at their nose screaming. Bob winked at Tim. ¡°Amazing what someone with a iron stomach can drink. I mean they could even drink a potion of toxic fumes and be fine.¡± A female customer began to scream and Tim pulled out a perfumed handkerchief tied it to his face and rushed over. After Bob left Barney''s granddaughter Jenny got up and screamed at Tim ¡°Are you going to let him get away with that? That peasant oaf came in here insulted us. Arrest him and hang him ¡± Tim starred at Jenny as if she was something that had crawled out of his underpants ¡°Well Jenny if you want to go out there and tell off Bob off you go. Just because he literally drank a potion used to poison armies. Just because he has cut several dozen trained killer in half today and looks like he wanted to nothing more to everyone in this restaurant. That is no reason not to go out there speak your mind and have him chop off your head. So shut up sit down and do not bother me I need to work out what he is planning. He would not have come here without a motive. He never does anything without a plan and he certainly does not insult a bunch of rich folk for no reason. Kill yes he kills for money but why come in here and insult you and not kill and rob you?¡± chapter 006 Crown of skills Barney was a old man who looked like he was ready to fall dead. He was bald except for a few hairs desperately clinging to his head. Barney had no teeth and his arms were thin looking like they were about to fall off. Barney chucked at the people starring at him from the other side of the table. Ron his fellow grandmaster was wearing a shiny silver armour. Besides him was Flow dressed in a elegant dress that looked like it should be on a ballroom dancer. Next to them was Ivan dressed in a well tailor black mages robe. Ron began to curse ¡°What do you think you are doing a full third of the paladins have quit this will not stand¡± Barney chuckled louder this time ¡°Sorry to see anyone with actual combat skills go Ron. Well you know what to do hire knights to help you out. Your going to need at least a couple of dozen which will cut into those outreach programmes of yours¡± Ron face turned red ¡°How dare you betray your oaths¡± ¡°Betrayal what betrayal I am retiring as I allowed. I am over 120 years old and I do not have long if I am going to buy anything with my life it will be a better future for humanity not a few years of paladins pretending to be doctors¡± Ron face turned redder ¡°We are helping people¡± Barney''s eyes blazed ¡°I will not talk about this again. I am going to drag my tired bones to war one more time you think I would do that just for gold. I am too old broken and am sick of begging for scraps to do anything for you. We paladins are warriors not doctors not politicians. I have spent my life fighting for my people and now that I am on my death bed you want me to stick around and what? Be your muscle for a few more years. Do you want to boil my bones after I am dead ass well? No if I am to die it will be for a good cause not to earn you a few gold coins for selling my body to a knackers yard¡± Flow called out ¡°Barney you have served for almost 105 years as a paladin what skill option will be given to Bob that you would die for him?¡± Barney glared at Flow ¡°A stupid and short sighted paladin a corrupt priestess and a slaver mage ask me about that. You will get no answers from me now unless you have another offer I will leave.¡± Ivan pulled himself out of his chair ¡°You have stolen thousands of gold coins from us with your threats of violence against our families if we do not give you our stock. How dare you talk back to us when you unleashed that maniac Bob on us¡± Barney glared at Ivan who ignored him ¡°Stock is that what you call it I call it a ten year old boy''s being dragged from there mothers and sold you slaver scum. If I could I would shut down all the slavery markets except one where you and your families could be sold¡± Barney pulled back and spat on the floor. ¡°Now I have to head off and try and claw a advantage for my race. Pray that I do not survive because if I do survive I will gut you all and hang you from your entrails from a post while you are alive.¡± Barney stormed off an Ron looked at Flow and Ivan ¡°You see what I had to deal with. He is impossible he has no sense of decorum.¡± Flow got up ¡°Well I am off. There is nothing left for me to talk about here. Ron given recent events my family and all the other nobles will be reducing the amounts we give to charity. I would expect the amount to be reduced to. You know what we are cutting all funding to your little charities and hiring mercenaries until we can train in our own troops¡± Ron blanched turning pale ¡°We do so much good work and help the poor.¡± ¡°Your in here with a corrupt noble and a slaver trying to convince a old man to go back to work so you can steal sorry receive backhanders from the nobles for keeping the poor in there place. Well you no longer have any military force and the poor are about to have a new hero Bob. So your hold over them is gone. Ivan just a passing idea leave Bob alone. I have a report on his skills which suggest he should be a lot more lethal in a fight than he is showing.¡± Ivan looked like he wanted to faint ¡°Wait what he literally cut dozens of our men in half with one blow. Is immune to most magic''s and arrows bounce off his skin. That is what you call weak? I had to bury a dozen of the slaver guards yesterday in bags because he cut them up too badly to tell whose leg was whose do not tell me he is hiding his strength.¡± ¡°Bob only gets 5 mystic hunter skills. It turns out all of the first 4 are passive. No idea why he took 4 passive skills because at least one of them should have been a active. ¡± Ivan turned to Flow the blood draining from his face. ¡°Breeding the breeding skill. Dragons can have the minion breeding skill. Their minions can possibly gain a passive dragon skill if they take a drop of the dragons blood at birth. It allows them to breed sorcerer followers changing goblins tribes into shaman goblin tribes. Or orc''s into stone orc''s or strong orc''s he could start a monster wave.¡± ¡°Your a moron¡± Flow''s voice was cold ¡°Barney has spent his life killing goblins you think he is going to start breeding them now. No he is going to breed humans or at least use his trait to give as many as he can a advantage when they are being born. I mean surely even Barney would not do that right? Bob has a mystic level class its a tenth of one percent to gain a permanent skill he has. But then he has 4 and his natural skills. Ivan how bad is this going to get?¡± ¡°1.6 percent chance of gaining a hereditary skill.¡± Ivan began to puke and Flow began to mop her sweating head. Ron looked up in surprise ¡°What is the big deal that is less than one in fifty.¡± Ivan looked up ¡°You idiot never speak to me again. Flow can we go to the cults to kill Bob?¡± ¡°Cults non of them will touch this with a ten foot pole. Even those maniacs the fire branded who set themselves on fire before running at the enemy will be insane enough to try to kill Bob now. If Bob has a actual chance of breeding a new variant human they are going to flock to him to help them breed AN AVATAR.¡± Ivan eyes flashed ¡°He does not have the skill yet. We still have time.¡± Flow shook her head ¡°We do not have anything. Like I said I have no reason to be here any more. Bob a killing machine and Barney is worse he is a old man with nothing to lose. I am not risking my neck dealing with either of them. Come along Ron ¡± Ron shook his head ¡°I should at least hear what Ivan has to say. Perhaps¡± Ivan laughed ¡°Get out of here you maggot. You have no troops I am interested in hiring.¡± Bob looked at Rabbit who was starring at the wagon which had a massive pile of ears. Rabbit shuddered ¡°Why are there goblin ears in there Bob?¡± Bob grinned ¡°Well some quests are only finished when you turn in the ears. When I was still level 1 I decided I would hold off claiming the reward for the goblin ears until I was level 4 that way I could instantly go to level 5.¡± Bob shook his head ¡°It was a good idea but due to a lot of factors turning in the 38,712 ears I collected will not even get me a tenth of the way for my sub class to get to level 5 mystic hunter.¡± Rabbits eyes bulged ¡°You killed close to 40000 goblins how?¡± ¡°Its called farming for a reason. If you leave the main goblin horde alone they will expel the weaker young goblins at a steady rate. The weaker types of goblin breed very fast. If you put down a few traps you can get five or six a day per burrow. I set the traps and had a couple of the town boys collect my ears. I had 20 burrows say 5 goblins from each burrow 100 goblins a day. 36500 a year. The only problem is I very little experience from them. Honestly I probable got more experience finishing off the 20 burrows before I set out than I will for the full 36500. The thing is each of ears is worth about the cost of a meal and I have 36500 of them. ¡±The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. ¡°If it is so easy why do you only have 36500 Bob?¡± ¡°Budget I am about to take most of the remaining 46000 small beast budget for the year. Also its the paladins job to stop people doing things like this. Honestly I would not have bothered if I could not claim the experience for the 5 or 6 thousand goblin I slaughtered without cutting off their ears. I am claiming 15000 dead standard goblins.¡± Bob looked at Rabbits confused face. ¡°Basically I am using those ears to claim the experience for the stronger goblins I killed. I am told by my advisor it will work.¡± Bob sighed ¡°When your running around crushing goblins and poisoning their drinking water you do not tend to have time to cut off their ears. Plus poison takes time to kill goblins and when you poison their well and then set fire to their village some will run away. Especially when you run up the goblin tribe wall and demolish it with one swing of your home made mace before slapping a few dozen goblins to death because cleaning a mace is time consuming. Then there is the slime problem if you say leave a bunch of slimes on the retreat path of the goblins. The slimes eat the bodies and your in a rush to kill the remaining goblins for experience so there is no time to cut off the goblin ears. Then there were the plagues and time I sealed a few caves full of goblins ¡± Rabbit starred at bob ¡°You do not hate goblins how could you do something so awful you sealed them alive in a cave.¡± Bob smiled wearily ¡°I wanted to live. To live I need levels and sealing those goblins in with those toxic slimes might have been horrible but it got the job done. Toxic slimes are herbivores.¡± Seeing Rabbit did not know what a herbivore was Bob sighed ¡°They do not eat meat Rabbit nodded ¡°So when do we get my brother?¡± ¡°The nobles have their troops out. I noticed them when we were finished eating. It is not a good thing for us Impale Im High must have gone to them and now I am guessing the slavers have bribed them. The nobles control the city guard so even I have to be careful.¡± Bob grinned ¡°Still technically slavery is illegal. It gives me a lot of wiggle room. No one expects The Bloody Butcher Bob the vicious insane killer to actual sue them. Now I can not be certain of protecting your brother while attacking the slavers quarter. So we need to be smart about this. We have my lawyers and we have Barney. The slavers will want my head but they do not have the military might to overcome me and Barney. They will have tried to rope in the nobles. They have a number of nobles in their pockets and quite a few of the nobles run slavery operations. But for all of that the town guard technically answer to the king. Not that I even know what the king''s name is. ¡± Rabbit looked at Bob ¡°We have a king?¡± ¡°Yes apparently not that he has got a copper coin from anyone I know. I think its a skill thing the king can knight people opening various classes for them. There must also be bonuses you get from his or her class. I bet Barney knows he is the old guy we are about to meet. Do not let the lack of teeth fool you he has skills. Professional cavalry skills the kind used in large scale wars.¡± A man wearing red silk approached them and snorted ¡°I am Percy the ninth. Defender of the Marsh lands and lord of Marshkeep and Greengas Manor. Sheriff of the Marsh Road and defender of the Abbey of Greengas.¡± Bob pulled out a mace and looked up. ¡°Well Percy I am Bob and this is a mace so get out of the way or I will use this mace on your head and you can be the headless lord.¡± As Percy turned red from rage Bob turned to Rabbit ¡°Look around this idiot would not have come alone. I bet its a trap he comes up I slap him to death and a bunch of knights pop up. I need the area checked.¡± Bob looked at Percy ¡°You know a keep that is a fort but a Manor well that is quite defenceless. So if say a bunch of bandits lead by a elite maniac like me came around well we would clean out the whole manner in under a hour. I have to tell you the truth done things like this mostly to goblins. But their were a couple of defenceless manors well I might have nailed some people to trees. Or I nailed everyone who was still alive after the mercenaries were done with them. You know I bet your one of those lords who does not bother to cut down the trees near his Keep. I heard that Ironstronghold fell over something like that. Someone sneaked in and nailed the doors and windows shut before setting fire to the keep. Lord Kraken and his entire family died horribly. I am just glad your keep has the full 300 foot clearance around it. I am also glad that Lord Kraken was such a ruthless evil miser. I mean if that had happened to a nice person like you well. Lets discuss my protection fee shall we?¡± Percy starred at Bob ¡°I am a lord you peasant low life. Your not worthy to polish my boots¡± ¡°Maybe I am the most evil warlord to ever live. But why does it matter? Barney agreed to side with me and is taking most of his combat ready troops with him. Since the paladins are the ones that protect the human farm lands well its not looking good for you.¡± Percy glared at Bob. ¡°That old toothless man. Ron assured me personally when I was having breakfast with him that the goblins will not be raiding.¡± Bob smiled ¡°Perhaps you should ask why they stopped raiding. Or perhaps you should ask who killed every goblin anywhere near here. RABBIT DO YOU SEE ANYONE?¡± ¡°NO WE ARE ALL CLEAR¡± Looking at the grinning Bob Percy swallowed ¡°Perhaps we should I mean I will report your oafish behaviour to the city guard¡± Percy tried to turn his horse but Bob jumped off his cart and pulling Percy off his horse slapped him on the head. Percy passed out and Bob whistled as he tied Percy to his horse and tied his new horse to the back of his cart. ¡°Lets go Rabbit I got you a horse if you want it.¡± Rabbit rushed up and began to examine Percy''s horse while Bob brought the cart to the city guard hut. The Hut was a small one in the market with only a couple of people in wooden stocks in front of the hut. Bob jumped off and banged on the hut door. A fat and thin guard came out and looked at Bob with destain in their eyes until they saw Percy. Bob smiled ¡°My name is Bob And I am here to turn in a Goblin Orc and vermin extermination requests. Lets start with the goblins say 15000 of the ears were from the goblins in the local. Then we can move onto the Orc ears they are coming and finally we can deal with this tail from a pest.¡± Bob pulled a massive tail tip from a bag. The fat guard George spoke out ¡°Wait was the rat that came from 20 feet tall? That looks like it was from a alligator. ¡± Bob grinned ¡°Just take the first 15000 goblin ears they are marked off. I want all this done as one transaction.¡± George nodded ¡°My name''s George this is Larry Its usual to buy me and Larry a mug of beer. Only fair because after all if you register all 15000 ears at the same time the price will not drop until after your receipt goes in. Why not claim all of the ears at once?¡± bob shook his head ¡°I need the experience. I am claiming the ears as the wild goblins I killed.¡± George laughed ¡°So what you directly or indirectly killed 15000 wild goblins? Who are you THE BOB GOBLIN SLAUGHTER?¡± Bob smiled and George suddenly saluted ¡°Sir yes sir we will get these signed off on now.¡± ¡°HOLD ON¡± Ivan riding on a horse screamed out. Behind Ivan was a woman wearing a robe whose face was hidden behind a mask. Ivan rushed over and looked at the woman in the mask. ¡°How close is he to his next level?¡± ¡°He is at 25 percent¡± Ivan turned to George who was busy signing documents. ¡°I TOLD YOU TO WAIT GEORGE.¡± ¡°Yes you did but I have no legal reason to do that besides that is BOB the guy stuck a anchor up a dragons ass. I like my job but I like my ass anchor free more.¡± Ivan turned back to the woman in the Mask ¡°Well Elizabeth?¡± Elizabeth pulled off her mask and began to scream at Ivan. ¡°What did I tell you? No names that evil ass hat is Bob the Bob the guy set fire to a orphanage A orphanage due to a dare. He is at 39 percent ¡± Bob looked at George ¡°5000 more.¡± George nodded and filled in another receipt before stamping it. Elizabeth turned to Ivan. ¡°He is at 42 percent the remaining ears might gain him a percent. ¡± Ivan smiled evilly at Bob. ¡°Looks like your out of luck. If you want you can work for me cleaning my bathroom with your tongue. Without your class cap skill you are worthless. Wait what are you doing?¡± Bob pulled out strings of bigger ears and grinned ¡°Orc ears 300 all wild.¡± George passed a form to Larry who filled it in. Elizabeth spoke up ¡°63 percent¡± Ivan looked at Bob ¡°You better have another set of ears or its licking my toilet bowl clean with your tongue time.¡± Bob chuckled ¡°All I have left is this pest tail¡± Ivan laughed ¡°Well I will leave you with one eye and a ear so you can hear and see people''s reaction to you. It was a brave attempt but your finished. Did you seriously think a giant rat was going to give you enough experience too level up. What do you think Elizabeth do I let him keep his balls so he can service my horse or turn him into a eunuch? Why are you turning pale?¡± ¡°Dragon tail its a dragons tail. He started out killing a dragon he just claimed the bounty experience.¡± Bob smile widened ¡°You do not seem to have any bodyguards.¡± Ivan glanced at Percy who was knocked out on his horse and at George who had grabbed Larry and was running towards his guard hut. Ivan raised his hands and Bob looked at Elizabeth who paled ¡°I had nothing to do with this.¡± ¡°Yet your here and helping my enemies. Relax I will kill you before I would sell you too a beast like Ivan. Now lets get you both gagged and chained. I am selling Ivan to a local brothel rather than forcing girls to do it he can learn to sit back and stick his ass in the air ¡± Chapter 007 He is doing what Percy woke with splitting headache. Unfortunately he was not in the brothel and his headache was not from too much booze. He was tied up and there was something nasty in his pants. A woman called out ¡°Are you awake?¡± Percy tried to move to get a good look at who was speaking but could not turn over. Percy called out ¡°Where am I? Am I being held for ransom?¡± The woman weary voice called out. ¡°I am Elizabeth a identifier as far as I can tell we are in a oubliette it is a type of dungeon in a newly captured keep. Bob brought us and another prisoner Ivan with us. Ivan the evil son of a worm riddled goat has already been ransomed. You know my ransom was less than the cost of keeping his teeth.¡± Percy had a really bad feeling about what was going on. ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± ¡°Ivan ransom was 150 silver without his teeth and hands. It was 225 fully intact. Ivan borrowed from his friends to make up the 75 silver needed to go back fully intact. My ransom was 3 silver without my hair and 15 silver with all my hair. My colleagues did not even raise the 3 silver . A months pay they could not raise a months pay. Well at least I am not as badly off as you are.¡± Percy quailed ¡°I am Lord Percy. Did my family not have the gold to cover my massive ransom¡± ¡°Nope your family do not want you back. I think Bob forgot about you after he helped your cousin take your property. Luckily he needs a tutor for Rabbit and so I am being hired at a third of my wage with the first 2 years going towards my ransom. Your in real trouble as Bob can not give you away because you could make trouble for your cousin. He can not let you go and he can not kill you. Killing nobles is frowned upon so your just being stuck in a hole and being forgotten about which is what Oubliette means I think. Someone mentioned it means to forget¡± Percy began to sweat ¡°My family would not just abandon me to my fate. Besides the other nobles and the city watch would pay my ransom¡± Elizabeth started to laugh ¡°That is so sweet you are sitting in a pool of your own urine and waste and think Bob would do that to someone he could ransom? No he would have offered your friends a choice of rooms you would be imprisoned in. Most nobles have their own chef and bed warmers. They have to pay of course but if anyone had even offered a copper coin for you Bob would have you in a actual cell rather than a hole in the ground.¡± A few hours with nothing to do had Percy asking what had happened since he was knocked out the answer horrified him. ¡°Wait wait Elizabeth your saying one of Bob''s skills was some kind of youth skill he transfers to his minions.¡± ¡°Yes Barney still looks old but he might be regrowing his teeth and he actually has hair now. The whole get younger thing caught everyone by surprise apparently the effect of the skill is retroactive. So now Bob might be marrying the queen. Odds are he is going to be our new king¡± Feeling like the walls were closing in on him Percy took a deep breath and counted backwards from 10 before asking about Bob and his regal queen ¡°Wait that is impossible our queen is a vision of womanhood. How could that animal Bob even be worthy of licking her feet?¡± Elizabeth chuckled ¡°You know older people have more classes levels and therefore are stronger than young people. So who is most interested in a skill that gives you more extra time on this earth the higher your level? Old folk old guards and warriors that feel a extra ten or twenty years at their prime is worth bowing to Bob rather than the current king. Plus I think the current queen is not that much of a saint. I bet she is already plotting to kill her husband and put Bob in charge.¡± ¡°No the queen is a noble and upright woman she would never ever¡± ¡°She is a woman is she not she which means for a few more decades of being young she might crawl on all fours and bark like a dog for Bob¡± Percy began to scream at Elizabeth. ¡°How dare you dirty my lady name with your foul name. I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.I WILL KILL YOU.¡± ¡°An annoyed voice echoed out from above ¡°Shut up or I will come down there and force feed you prunes and laxatives to help your digestive system and then gag you.¡± Percy tried to look around but being tied up he could not look around he whispered ¡°I am going to see you hang for your profanity. The queen is a living saint while you are scum. The lowest piece of Troll crud.¡± Elizabeth spoke out ¡°We were in this together but now your on your own¡± ¡°I would rather be in here with a diseased pig than you.¡± Percy lay there stewing in his anger. How dare this peasant question his queen. He would have her flogger to death and that would be her getting off easy. A hour later still thinking of things he could do to Elizabeth a voice came from above. ¡°Hello Elizabeth great news my sister Rabbit has gotten you the job she offered.¡± Elizabeth called out ¡°That is great how about you get me a dirty sock and some laxative I want top explain to Percy over there why it is not a good idea to call a woman names.¡± ¡°Why touch him that is what Golly is for. Now that he is awake we can have Golly feed him the green gruel rather than the normal soup¡± Elizabeth voice was actually timid as she responded ¡°The green gruel that is the stuff they used to convince me to send a ransom note. That is just evil but he did call me names.¡± Percy desperately tried to turn around and spit at Elizabeth. What was the green gruel and why was it worse than having laxative stuffed down his throat and a dirty sock stuffed in his mouth. Percy cursed at Elizabeth ¡°You harlot I hope you enjoy bedding pigs and worse that smelly filth eating Bob.¡± Elizabeth voice called out ¡°You know I am about to be freed and when I am I am coming over there to kick you in the nuts.¡± "Wait what?¡± ¡°You heard me your lordship. I am coming over there and I am going to kick you in the balls a couple of times. Then when I get out I will bribe someone to take whatever record of you exists to Bob forgets about you. You will rot down here until you die you entitled ass. Get down here Arthur and untie me. Also I am going to want the slop bucket.¡± As small feet climbed down a rope Percy began to sweat what was Elizabeth going to do with the slop bucket? Percy squirmed as Elizabeth stepped over him and her foot came up. Arthur called out ¡°Do not kill him¡± Pain Pain like he had never known struck Percy as Elizabeth foot slammed into his balls. Elizabeth pulled her foot back and spoke to Arthur. ¡°Now Arthur one blow will break his balls. Two might cause him to bleed out or faint at least two from me. So come over and give him another few kicks. ¡± Percy tried to beg but was in too much pain. He could only sob as Arthur refused to come over to kick him and Elizabeth got ready to kick him again. Elizabeth wound up her leg and then stopped before grinning nastily at Percy ¡°I owe you a kick see you tomorrow.¡± Still in too much pain to say anything Percy groaned as Elizabeth left he passed out.The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. A bang woke Percy from blessed oblivion. He looked up to see a young boy standing over him. The boy was dressed in a expensive pants and jumper with a crest on the front of his jumper. The boy spoke out ¡°My name is Count Curtis¡± Percy blinked ¡°Are you being held for ransom as well?¡± ¡°No I am here because I am a second son. My parents are worried the other nobles will take the opportunity to kill my older brother and seize our lands. While I am here they will not dare kill by brother because if they do Bob will seize my family lands¡± Percy groaned "Can you let me out i need to clean myself " Curtis bowed ¡°I am sorry Gavin the guard told me if I free you that he will feed us green gruel only. I do not know what green gruel is but I do not want to risk it. I guess I could pull up your pants.¡± Percy swallowed and tried to look down. Curtis looked behind Percy ¡°Oh by the gods there is a tube stuck up your ass.¡± Percy began to strain at his ropes. He called out ¡°Pull it out pull it out.¡± panic rising. Curtis looked at the tube ¡°I am not touching that its in your ass no way am I touching that.¡± ¡°You have to help me your a fellow noble.¡± ¡°I might be a fellow noble but I am not risking them stick a tube up my ass. I will cover you up at least so your not. By the gods the tube is moving. Is it alive?¡± As Percy began to scream and trash Curtis moved backwards. After a few minutes a voice came from above ¡°What are you all screaming about.¡± Curtis called out ¡°Gavin he is screaming because he has a worm up his ass.¡± ¡°No he does not that is a tube it has a few minor enchantments if its moving its because its doing its job.¡± Curtis sighed ¡°What did Percy do that warrants that kind of punishment? Because i want to avoid doing it.¡± ¡°What are you talking about? It is from the previous lords collection. I bet Percy had a bunch as well in his dungeon it cuts down on costs. What you think Bob just had a dungeon built in the few weeks he took over? Your actually lucky Bob ordered most of the punishment items destroyed. Do you want a gag?¡± Percy stopped screaming ¡°Wait are you gagging me?¡± Gavin the guard laughed ¡°No we are going to free you and apologise of course we are going to gag you if you scream. Or rather Curtis is if he wants to sleep. Oh and if he gets free and I have to come down there. Well how many tubes do you see? Let me give you a hint there is one between the two of you. I will change it between you every day at meal times where I will use it to force feed you. I bet you can convince Percy to remain quite and eat his green goo. Because if you fail I will have you force feed him with that tube you as well.¡± Gavin laughed "In case your missing it one tube to force feed you and help you relieve yourself" Hearing Curtis become quite Percy tried to turn his head. ¡°Wait are you saying your going to use the tube you stuck up my ass to force feed me?¡± ¡°Well your Lordship if you refuse to eat do you think I am going to use a clean tube? I would have to wash it out. Besides what about that goblin and serf act? It says its one tube per two dozen people.¡± Percy began to grow furious again ¡°That was for those of the lower class¡± A chuckle came from above Gavin laughed ¡°I see why your still tied up. I am one of the lower class idiot. Your not there because you pissed off Bob your there because Elizabeth is out here. She is not paying me anything but given you just implied I am at the same social level as a goblin you will not be let out of those ropes until I leave. See I can you big words like implied.¡± Gavin stopped talking ¡°Just for being a rich noble I am going to beat you up smart guy.¡± Curtis spoke out in a low scared tone. ¡°Why are you going to beat him?¡± ¡°Why not is there a reason I should not? I work for Bob the Bob if I did not like hurting people do you think I would be here ¡± Curtis nodded furiously ¡°I never believed all those theories that the lower classes did not have feeling like us nobles because they did not have time to develop them.¡± Gavin laughed ¡°Alright kid let me explain technically I could free ass hat there but having him insult my entire class means I am not going to do that. You seem respectful so I will see about transferring you to a actual cell one without rats for your stay here. Did you hear any more about the Queens trial?¡± ¡°What trial she was dragged from her bed found guilty of treason and hanged on the spot. The king felt she might try and kill him so he acted first. Personally I think they might actually find evidence she was plotting something. My family were all for supporting the king against Bob. The kings bonuses are are about business and increases in manufacturing productivity. So 90 percent of the nobility are siding with the king. The problem is the 10 percent that want Bob in power are all the warrior nobles. They reckon a deal will be done they will make up a new title for Bob Protector of the realm or arch-count something like that. It gives Bob a title just not too much power.¡± Percy kept quite trying not to draw Gavin attention. He cursed himself he should have waited until he was ransomed and then had Elizabeth whipped to death. The very idea that the king would order the Queen death was laughable. Still he had better behave because he had openly supported the laws on allowing one tube to be used on a dozen men. If that goblin spawn Gavin realised that he might think to use the tube to force feed him. Those laws were only suppose to only be for the poor. He knew he would get no help from Curtis the man may have been a noble but his grandfather was rumoured to have been a common merchant. Remembering the stories his mother had told him Percy decided It was time to be like a spider. Percy thought of all the times he had been complimented on being smart. It was time to use his superior brain and figure out what was really going on. He was a noble bred to rule over the lesser classes. Gavin called from above ¡°Figured out that your not important enough for us to lie to. Good for you Percy¡± Only images of the tube being forced down his throat stopped Percy calling out and telling Gavin that his mother would have been lucky to be allowed clean his shoes. Percy internally groaned why were the lower classes so ungrateful. They should be glad that the nobles like Percy were there to rule over them and help them. A single noble could help hundreds of those less intelligent than themselves. Giving up on annoying Percy Gavin tossed Curtis a gag. ¡°You might want to gag him.¡± Curtis leaned over and gagged Percy who had stopped struggling. A laugh came from above. ¡°Bob does not use gags much so that one is enchanted. Guess what your not getting your own feeding tube. I just did not want to be one to install it.¡± Percy froze as Gavin chuckled ¡°Bet you did not know this but being part of the slavers party gets you noticed by people who are at risk of being enslaved. My cousin Dot gods rest her soul was taken away when her land was sold between nobles. So you being a big shot slaver noble its not good. Elizabeth read me your a list of your families crimes. ¡± A feeling of dread washed over Percy he was in hole with a slaver guard. He renumbered the stories he had laughed about with his friends about how their guards had cooked people alive and forced their loved ones to eat the bodies because they were bored. With Percy gagged he had no knowledge of how long he was in the hole except that Gavin gave Percy a meal for him once a day. It had been almost two weeks of boredom before Curtis was moved to a new cell. The days dragged from their his only contact with people was Curtis who came once a day to clean his bucket and feed him. Almost four weeks later Curtis undid Percy gag and let him take out the tube. Percy began to cry ¡°I have ass sores do you have any healing potions¡± Curtis shook his head. ¡°I do not but I can get you one if you agree to do some work.¡± Percy looked around crazed ¡°Work for that monster Bob I would rather die.¡± ¡°Bob has stopped his expansion for now and is setting up for the long haul. That means you either help me out and I get you some decent food or I let you rot down here in your soiled underwear. ¡± Percy glared at Curtis who sighed ¡°Bob does not even remember your name. If you want I can actually have someone remind him you are here. But he is just going to have you executed Like the other nobles. ¡± ¡°He is doing WHAT?¡± Percy screamed out ¡°Nobles are the gods chosen ones we were chosen by the gods.¡± Curtis sighed ¡°Listen I can either give you a potion and a spare pair of pants and underwear and you can do some work for me. Or I can leave you here with your rags and do the cleaning myself¡± ¡°I am a noble I refuse to bow before Bob.¡± Curtis nodded ¡°Gruel it is then. See you tomorrow¡± ¡°Wait tell me what is happening? What news of the queen?¡± ¡°What''s happening is I have to clean the other oubliette''s. It is my first day and I do not want to have to spend longer than I have to in the dungeons. So if your not helping I am leaving ¡± Chapter 008 A farmer who hates farming Bob the farmer hated farming with a passion. Getting up at 4 or 5 in the morning and doing chores. The stupid rooster that woke him up the backbreaking work he had to do every single day. He hated his fields that had more stones than land. He hated the larger farms that sold grain for so cheap. But most of all Bob hated the fact the lords claimed over half his crop claiming to protect him from monsters. What monsters the ones they arranged themselves most likely. Thinking about it Bob was now in his old lords place. A evil smile appeared on Bob''s face as he went over the reports from the farmers. Rabbit looked at Bob ¡°Who are you planning on killing now?¡± ¡°No one no one well I am not killing anyone at any rate. I am about to straighten out a lot of the tax loop holes the larger farmers use. I always hated them. Why was I the one having to get up at five in the morning and then I had to work until I dropped. The reason they got to stay in bed until 7 am was simple. They cut anyone down who tried to compete with them. They sold their crops at a loss so the smaller farms had to change what they were producing. Then they hiked up their prices. They bribed the tax man to take a look at the smaller farms but not theirs. Well I do not hate the actually decent farmers much. But I really hate those who pulled others down to keep themselves up and I can now do something about it. ¡± A evil smirk appeared on Bob''s face ¡°I spent years learning how to hide my copper coins from the tax man. I know all the tricks and misdirection''s because I wrote most of them myself. I listened to the old farmers when they told me about their tricks and learned. Even better it is now in my interest to have more farmers working for me. So I will be taxing the larger farmers and leaving the dirt farmers alone. The larger farms will leak workers who will want their own land. More people will stay on in the farming villages and become farmers. Still it means more farmland and farmers and less food.¡± Rabbit looked up ¡°You mean more farmers and more food?¡± ¡°No a hundred farmers working on a plantation can produce 10 times the amount as 1000 smaller dirt farms with half the work. At larger levels it is even more slanted in favour of the large farms. Luckily I do not want more food i want more people. I have a breeding skill that helps my minions so I want plenty of farmers breeding plenty of children. The first child takes the farm the second takes a trade the third becomes a soldier. Any children born after that hope that I am still in power so they can claim some land. In time the farms will grow larger as farmers buy out their neighbours and develop skills. But by then the population under my command will be huge. Oh I should have the slavers guild gone in a couple of months. Once I get rid of the last of the slave scouts the slavers will be gone in a few months. Remember this rabbit in a large farm of 100 There will be one blacksmith and one seed grower. Getting rid of the blacksmith will let the farm buy their goods from the local blacksmith but getting rid of the seed crop grower can half the farms profits. In large organisations where everyone in specialised if you remove a link in the chain you can destroy that organisation. In this case by killing all the slave scouts I crippled the slaver guild. You know I managed to get the slavers scouts to kill each other. I posted rewards for several of them in their own guild hall and watched them tear each other apart. Its simple really the slave scouts are paid the least and hated by the other slavers. If your a slaver who do you look down on the scouts. They in turn do not like the other slavers. Who knew slavers would not like each other? The slaver scouts turned on each other and now there are no scouts left. The slavers are rounding up villages and selling them to keep up with demand. Which is good for me your getting bored Rabbit? ¡±¡°No no I hate slavers tell me how you are going to roast them all alive.¡± ¡°I do not have to do anything Rabbit they are doing it to themselves now. Without the spotters to tell them which girls from the countryside do not have family. Or a would be adventurer boyfriends they are targeting the wrong people. I heard they even enslaved a guard captain niece. The guard captain happened to find the head slaver who had been nailed to a town guard post a few days later. The slavers are being hunted down by the thieves and beggars guilds in most cities. When the competition is down its the best time to kick them in the balls.¡± Rabbit looked up ¡°Wait what do you mean competition?¡± ¡°The thieves guild recruits the homeless and so do the beggars guild. You think a slaver is going to care a homeless person technically has rights? No they are going to sneak up on that farmer boy with the unusual class like clerk or builder trying to make it big in the city and bash them over the head. ¡± Rabbit nodded ¡°They are bad people as well.¡± Bob eyes shined ¡°The beggars guild is vicious they sell young children to the brothels. So they are next once I have skinned all the slavers alive. Well all those left after the purges begin. Remember when you kill someone''s brother or sister do not forget to kill them as well. Also always remember to loot the corpses of those you kill if you can. In the case of the slavers I plan on squeezing every drop of blood I can from them. I am going to use their blood to make potions and their bones to create undead.¡±Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website. Rabbit swallowed ¡°You must hate them more than I do.¡± ¡°I do not really hate them but now I have a excuse to rob them. Even better no one will try and stand in my way because they are slavers. Even better than that no one will object to what I do to them. So I can make a lot of gold.¡± Rabbit looked distressed ¡°Are we the bad guys?¡± Bob thought about it ¡°I do not know I mean those priests were screaming about how I was evil for killing them. But seriously they were the ones who came around with their golden carriages to give out porridge. Their robes would have feed a village for a year. They kept the farmers down by extorting tithes from them. The older town guards were tossed out on the streets with their children but they are guards. If they do not have a decent combat skill or crime sense what good are they? As for the slavers I might be a little rough on them but am I taking them and selling them and their children to the nobles who will do things to the beautiful ones I would not do to my dog? That is what they do I merely torture them all to death. I guess I am as bad as the slavers and nobles. The only difference is that your my friend and they are not. So I will not sell you into slavery. Also the fact I had a few bad run in with slavers means at least any of the serfs on my land will not be sold to be eaten alive or tortured for fun. It happened to the most beautiful girl in my village. She caught the eye of a local lord a fat and smelly lout called Victory. He must have been eighty with his balding head and pus coming out of the boils on his face. Linda was a beauty young with golden hair. Victory was like a troll. Now had Victory been in his twenties and good looking a bit of attention from the rich lord and Linda would have become his personal maid and tucked him in at night. These things happen but Victory was old and smelly. He tried to woo Linda but was not patient enough to bribe Linda''s family or even Linda herself. That is what annoys me about the whole thing. Rather than offer Linda a small farm for a couple of nights of keeping him company he bought the farm her family were renting had them tossed off and she vanished in the night with her family. I do not know for certain what happened but her father and mother bones were found a year later. Linda herself killed herself. I have sisters and while not at the level of Linda they are attractive. What I am saying is that now that I am powerful I can actually make a difference. Starting by horribly killing every slaver I can find. Then I am going to find their families their pets even their friends and end them all. By the time I am finished any slaver will take a 200 kilometre detour around my land. I am not doing this to be a nice person its all for my sisters. This way my sisters can grow up in peace. Their children and their children''s children will all not have to fear the slavers. And all i have to do to make it happen is kill anyone who disagrees with me ¡± Rabbit nodded ¡°That is right slavers have done desperate things to our families¡± Bob sighed ¡°Not exactly I might have skinned a couple and tossed them into a hole with some rats. ¡± Rabbit looked up ¡°Wait what?¡± ¡°I got drunk one day and the next thing I knew I was surrounded by dead slavers. It turns out they tried to give me a knock out potion. Well I gave them a deadly poison which caused their bowels to explode. I was still kind of drunk so I took some beer and the next thing I knew I woke in the middle of field with a bunch of holes and screaming slavers. I do not know how all seven of the slavers found themselves in the holes. Or why I skinned them and put healing mud on their wounds before tossing them into the holes. Frankly had I been sober I would not have done that. The smell from the skinned slavers who had several organs leaking out of their ass''s was horrible. Then I had to look for the slavers gold. Horrible simply horrible. ¡± Rabbit blinked ¡°Do you have any stories that do not involve you killing and maiming.¡± ¡°I was a farmer I had 2 fields both covered in rocks with the worst soil you could imagine. What kinds of stories do you want? The one about the bird shiting on my head. Or the one where i spend sixteen hours a day every day doing backbreaking work for less than a copper coin? My grandfather originally had 4 fields but he rented them from the lord. After years of backbreaking labour fixing up the fields the lords man kicked my grandfather off the land he had spent his life working so hard to improve. So my family was forced to move. My family choose a spot just outside the human controlled lands and carved out a farm. My family killed goblins and bandits as well as at least one so called tax man. Then some noble ass hole declared that out farm belonged to him and we owed him rent. You think my father was going to take that? No several tax men died and the local knight fell off his horse and died because someone put a rope at neck height on a bend. My point is this being a farmer is hard and people will come and take your land steal your hard work from under you. I am certain being a knight or soldier is hard because I saw a couple of knight families starve to death when the main fighting force in there family died. But compare that to a farmer. If the main farmer dies there is no armour that can be sold. No gold hidden away under the bed. And if there is gold under the bed of a dead farmer you can be certain a knight will show up and claim it as gold owed for rent.¡± Bob sighed ¡°I will let you choose any class you want but let me say this. The farmer class is one of the worst. I guess prostitute or slave could be considered worse just not by much. Everyone will tell you pick something you love doing. That way you can do what you like for the rest of your life. What I am saying is look at what you are good at and see if there is a market for it. YOU CAN DISLIKE WHAT YOU ARE DOING BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY MAKING SURE YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE FOOD IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING. ¡± Bob grinned ¡°You need to start to gain skills in whatever profession you are going to choose. I would say doctor or potion maker but the various churches have a nasty habit of coming around and giving out free healing. Mages are always in demand. If things turn out badly you can be a adventurer or mage trainer. No one messes with a high level mage either. Of course if you actually want to be a knight we can arrange that as well. Just do not pick farmer ¡± Chapter 009 Breaking deals Bob was bored and annoyed. As a lord he had to listen to speeches before killing everyone and this latest speech was horrible. The lawyer Rupert was explaining for the third time why some track of land was not owned by Bob but by some low level lord called Summerset. ¡°And so my lord Bob as you can see my employer Lord Summerset family has owned and lived in Greystone keep for the past three generations. His family claim to the land is ¡± A sigh came out of Bob. ¡°Alright for half a hour you have gone on and on about how long the Summersets have lived in Greystone keep. What does it matter? I have a large army and the Greystones friends have abandoned them. The paladins might be too embarrassed to attack what in effect in now a manor. But as I believe the actual walls and fortifications of Greystone keep were pulled down. I will have no trouble taking over. ¡± Rupert face turned red ¡°You have no right to do that the land belongs to Lord Summerset. By the laws of the gods and man that is his land¡± ¡°Well I have a army that disagrees with the laws of gods and men. Besides was Lord Summerset great grandfather a bandit.¡± ¡°There is no evidence of that¡± Bob nodded ¡°Well it does not matter as Lord Summerset does not actually have a castle any more. You have your piece of paper saying its his land and I have a sword. Just like rock paper scissors sword beats piece of paper. Now if you had a rock or say a castle made of rocks¡± ¡°Spare me your witty remarks. I will see you in court where Lord Summersets fellow lords will strip you of your titles and lands.¡± ¡°Given by how much they are paying me to keep the goblins from their lands they do not have any troops to spare. So you can take your court of gentlemen and shove it up your ass. I should sue you for wasting my time. That was the most horrible half a hour I have had since I had to swim through a Ogre camp latrine.¡± Rupert face turned redder and Bob chuckled ¡°Listen I am taking as much land as I can so the next lord that comes to you to have you talk to me just fill in a letter of complaint. That way I do not have to listen to you moan and complain for half a hour and I will have something I can wipe my ass with.¡± Rupert began to splutter and clutched his elbow. Bob looked up ¡°Right well I will leave to to it. I have to go and buy all the healing potions that work on heart attacks and drink them¡± Rupert fell to the ground and Bob looked at Rabbit ¡°Why do you not go and buy him a potion for his heart? Do not forget to get your gold back and have him sign a receipt for the potion if he can not pay. After all the potion price was raised by a hundred times recently¡± Bob starred at Rabbit noticing her widening eyes. If Rupert did not have a absolute fortune on him Rabbit would be able to get him to sign a unfair loan agreement. Bob grinned as Rabbit ran off thinking about Rupert. Letting him die had been his first thought but that might have been a bit too much. Bob was already taking a lot of land from the richer humans. The blow back was going to be large. More than likely trade embargoes and nobles blocking his trade routes would only be the start. If he crossed the middle class then he would face even worse issues. It was nothing a bit of violence would not solve but perhaps taking a step back might be more beneficial. Bob decided it was worth a shot. Pretending to play nice cost him little. Besides after he took as much land as he could he would go back to murdering all his enemies. Bob decided as everyone was telling him he needed to use the rule of law to settle things now he would start. Bob pulled out a standard debtors contract and changed the interest rate from 110 percent a year to a day. All he would have to do is have Rupert arrested after signing the document. If he sent him by carriage back to Lord Summerset it would take him roughly 10 or 11 days. Bob smiled and called one of his new paladin watchers over. ¡°Something is up Rupert collapsing seems rather strange. It could be some kind of trap so keep a eye on him.¡± Bob looked at his new castle and new wall which was being built. What kind of idiot pulled down a castle wall because it interfered with the view. In the distance his men were ripping down a house and digging up the trees that would block a archers view from his new castle. Bob whistled thinking if Rupert did not pay then Bob you use the non payment to destroy the debt contractors. If Rupert paid off his huge debt then Bob would have a massive fortune to buy the service of mercenaries. If he failed to pay then Bob would sue him and more than likely lose. But it did not matter. If he refused to pay then Bob could use his refusal as a excuse to attack the loan industry. After all legally Bob had a case. Bob grinned and had Rupert been able to see him he would have perhaps died of fright at the evil grin on Bob''s face.You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version. A paladin wearing dark armour rushed over with Rabbit. Jim was a giant of a man with a nasty gash he refused to get healed on his face. He glared at Rupert ¡°Boss you want me to remove his head?¡± ¡°No we will use him to test the slavers ¡± Jim looked at Bob ¡°Sir we have the strength to claim all the lands around why not let me and the boys bring fine and steel to those evil slavers. Let them and their families burn on the moral plane as they will on the infernal.¡± Bob nodded ¡°I really want to do that. But they are losing money every day. I had a couple of accounts take a look and they have to be bleeding out gold. No one stays losing gold like that so either they are keeping their operations open because of some kind of pride. Or they have a plan some kind of ambush. Either way it does not matter. They can not afford to keep paying all the mercenary troops they have operating and soon we can clear them out from the local area.¡± Looking Rupert who was being tended to by Rabbit Bob motioned Jim to accompany him away. Tossing the contract he had draw to Rabbit up he brought Jim to a space with on one around. Starting with the truth was always a good idea Bob had found and since he did not have to lie he decided to go with just the truth. ¡°The slavers are losing ground. Every day they get weaker and soon we will have them all. Or we should be able to kill them all. As you know I do not like leaving behind lose ends. The issue is we are strong enough to reach out and kill all of those in the human lands outside our control. Once we begin to slaughter the families of the slavers things will change. So my plan is simple before we start killing the slavers families I need them as weak as I can.¡± Bob stared into Jim''s eyes ¡°Can I rely on you to let villages burn. Because it might come to that. Or I am hoping they do something that stupid. What I need to know is can you follow orders when they start burning villages just outside my land?¡± Jim shook his head ¡°No sir I watched my sister be violated by those animals. I will not sit by and let it happen again.¡± For a second Bob stopped and just looked at Jim. ¡°Alright I will send you on a few missions to increase the slavers costs. If they catch you they will torture you to death. If that happens I will avenge you it might be in a year or so but I will avenge you I swear. Or I will try things can get out of hand. What I will promise you is this. I will kill every slaver without mercy in my lands and I will try and get all of them in the humans lands. I AM BOB AND BOB IS GOING TO UNLEASH THE NINE HELLS ON EVERY SLAVER HE CAN.¡± Jim grinned ¡°It is all we can ask for. Your a evil demon and that is why we are following you. But if you fail to kill the slavers because of some political reason we will cut off your ¡± Jim stopped talking remembering all the stories told about Bob. Bob nodded ¡°I will not fail or stop for any reason. Not because I am some kind of crusader but because I am a peasant upstart who the lords want to kill. If tomorrow I swore to stop attacking slavers and handed them your head as well as selling most of the people under me into slavery. Still the slavers would look down upon me and try and kill me. I a low born dared to try and take some of their power. I refused to sit down and be their slave like a good dog. I was not born rich or with noble blood and dared try to rise up. I have one last thing to say in order to kill as many slavers as possible I need them to break the treaty first. It can not be in a minor way either. Once they do that I will have a excuse to slaughter them all. I will spare you the politics but at this moment the only thing holding me back from gutting them all are the treaties I have signed. I had to sign them but I do not plan on honouring my word. They know it I know it frankly the birds in the air know it. My issue is that I do not want to be known as a oath breaker, So I need the slavers to break the treaties first. Once they break the agreements they signed even by a hair''s breath I will march out and slaughter them all. You know I hate farming I do not really like combat either. But if I am pushed to it I will not falter. Jim all I need is a excuse just get the slavers mad enough to attack one of my villages and I will do the rest. It has to be a slaughter of one of my villages or something like that. If they attack a priestess and her body is found or you barely manage to rescue a local priestess that would do it. ¡± Looking at Bob Jim felt a sliver of unease. Bob was a maniac and he was working with him. He had no doubt given half the chance Bob would torture every single slaver to death and then go to bed happy his enemies were dead. Jim swallowed happy that Bob had not become a slaver. The slavers were evil incarnate but Bob was worse. While the slavers would get drunk or forget about grudges Bob would not. If a slaver ran into a knight on a one way bridge he would back up if Bob ran into a knight on a one way bridge he would startle the Knights horse and toss the knight off the bridge or die trying. This maniac was not going to kill the slavers because they were evil. He was going to slaughter them because they were in his way. The image of Jim''s sister Irene appeared in her mind from when she was happy and danced. Before she was taken and her limbs cut off. The slavers were all going to die and that was all that mattered. Jim decided it would be worth it even if he died. Of course following Bob was a issue. Bob was frankly evil. Jim shivered thinking about what would have happened if it had been bob who enslaved his sister. Then he carefully stopped thinking about it and headed off to start a war. Chapter 10 Trying to kill Bob Rupert starred at Susan the assassin guild leader and sweated as Susan looked over the contract to kill Bob. Susan was wearing a silk black low cut dress that let little to the imagination but even her figure could not distract Rupert from the frown on her face. Susan looked at Rupert and at the contract. The sheer amount of gold listed on the contract should have Susan willing to kill her own children. Rupert noticed the hesitation on Susan''s face and decided to give her a further push. Before he could increase the offer Susan spoke out. ¡°It can not be done. Bob skin is stronger than steel. There are records of goblins using crossbows to target his eyes and Bob blinked when the arrows struck. Do you want to guess what Bob did to the goblin crossbow users? I could stab him with my dagger all day long without leave a scratch on him. Unless you tie him up and stick burning coals up his ass he is not going to die from physical assault. Which leaves poison. Do you know he eats poison on a regular basis. Do you remember Tex the Butcher of Bray? After Bob skinned his brother and father alive and tossed them in a hole with rats. He tried to poison Bob with silverweed. He put three drops in bob''s beer. Bob drank the beer knowing it was poisoned found the waiter and ripped out his toe nails then slit his throat before tracking Tex down and nailing Tex to his saddle and for some reason tossing him in a well. My sources say he was going to lead the screaming Tex through the local village before slitting his throat but decided if he did that he might have to give Tex''s horse back. Finally we have magic and some of the more obscure skills. First off you can forget the touch of death skill. It has to be landed on a unsuspecting person and Bob must have a skill to detect any attacks. Besides given his monstrous vitality he would most likely not even notice the skill. Then we have other skills like animal control. Trying to have a swamp of rats eat Bob alive will not work it has been tried and it turns out Bob eats rats. As for magic forget it Bob is Bob and more than likely is immune to everything.¡± Susan looked at the figure on the scroll again and sighed. ¡°That is a lot of money but I just do not see any of the locals managing to kill Bob. If I sent for outside help say a couple of longbow men or maybe a sharpshooter with a military grade crossbow. Even if I go to the dark elves and get a poison and my outsider manages to penetrate bob''s skin. I do not know what level of poison resistance he has or amulets on him that might cure him of all poisons. So assuming Bob survives this is Bob not some kind of saint. He will respond and I like my toes and teeth where they are thank you very much. I can put you in touch with some cultists. Or the dark elves but this is Bob you are talking about even those insane death seeking maniacs of the death cults get spooked by Bob ¡± Susan took a another look at the price on Bob''s head shook her head ¡°I am not going to try and kill someone who can scare even the death warriors of the death cults. How evil do you have to be to scare people who burn off their own balls and eat children alive because they have good energy. I just can not take the risk and neither will anyone else except as I mentioned the dark elves or maybe the death cults. So do you want to talk to women who enjoy cutting off parts of their male slaves and feeding it to them? Or do you want to talk to people who have been known to nail themselves naked too tree''s because suffering is good for the soul? ¡± Rupert swallowed ¡°How about I pay you to talk to the dark elves your a female they will listen to you.¡± ¡°No Bob has a reputation and the dark elves will sell me out rather than deal with a annoyed Bob. Your too much of a cheap ass to actually pay me enough to make it worth the risk. I will set up a meeting with both the dark elves and the death cultists and a couple of mercenaries I know that might be willing to do it. Or try and do it but Bob has a reputation so I can not go with my usual contacts as they have families.¡± Susan looked up ¡°One more thing do not contact any of my competitors seeing if they will take the job. Bob has standing contracts on anyone trying to put out a contract on him. I am betting most of the gold you have on that contract is coming from your friends. Your friends who do not want to try and hire a assassin and find themselves murdered.¡± ¡°What about the assassins code it forbids assassins telling who hired them.¡± Susan laughed ¡°First off your kidding right most of my assassins would sell you out for a drink. Secondly Bob contract is simple you get payment for killing anyone trying to hire a assassin to kill him. The contract says you get paid for killing them before payment is made. Of course most of the assassins will wait for the first part of the payment on Bob''s life and kill the client trying to hire them to end Bob. They get half the clients gold and Bob''s payment. What do not look so shocked bob is using a loophole and using it well. Once the employer is dead the contract is void and you can keep the retainer. Now remember to hide your face from the ones you are planning to hire to kill Bob. Because Bob has a open contract out on those who take out contracts on him. ¡± Rupert swallowed thinking about offering Susan a big reward to go in his place until Susan voice let him know it was not happening ¡°2 percent of the total contract whether they take the deal or not and I will take your place¡± Susan looking at Rupert knowing he would not pay grinned ¡°I am not sure if I should be happy or sad you turned me down that is a lot of gold. I would say good luck but Bob is good for business he hates loose ends and pays for the entire family of his enemies¡± A week later Rupert huddled in his cloak from the rain under a tree. Besides him was a massive hulking slab of muscles called Grunt. Grunt had a massive club and was wearing clothes made out of animal firs that had been sown together. Grunt looked on and began to pick his nose. Rupert cursed as Grunt burped and began to drink from a wine bottle. The smell from the bottle let Rupert know Grunt was probably drinking something that would cause him to go blind if he even sipped a little bit of it. Grunt pulled down his pants and began to urinate on the tree Rupert and he were under. Rupert turned away cursing the fact Susan wanted so much to attend this meeting instead of him. Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. Grunt looked around and sniffing lifted up his pants before pulling out a sling. ¡°Come out elves I can smell you.¡± From the darkness several female elves appeared wearing black leather that had slits that left little to the imagination. Grunt peered into the night and pointed ¡°There are more over that way.¡± The elves pulled out crossbows from must have been a magical piece of storage equipment and slowly three hunters rose from the ground. Grunt spoke ¡°There is still someone around.¡± Grunt began to sniff and shook his head ¡°Hidden¡± A bald man was suddenly next to Rupert just behind Grunt he looked amused. ¡°Grunt was it not I am Otto my god is always looking for more followers¡± Grunt spat ¡°I got enough of your kind when I hunting flame bears with a member of your kind. Who runs naked into a fire bear cave and sets the young on fire. They are flame bears they have flame resistance.¡± Rupert eager to get out of the dark forest and away from the dark elves who were giving him coy looks spoke out. ¡°I want to hire you to kill Bob the Butcher of slavers¡± Grunt spat on the ground again ¡°Idiot those hunters are not capable of killing Bob and the elves are too scared. I doubt Otto is going to kill him either especially with the dark gods laws. Now we have to escape before they kill you.¡± One of the elves laughed ¡°Foolish human I am Ivana a member of the noble dark elf race. Who are you to say we are too scared to try and kill any man?¡± Grunt shrugged ¡°I am the guy who helped him track down the elf eater spiders. Three weeks of them screaming in my head. Most of the others went insane all except Bob or as you call him his evil shadow a couple of the stronger dark elves one light elf and a few others. When we reached the matriarch nest Bob went in alone and came out with the heads of the matriarch giant spider. By the end most of us were ready to kill ourselves from the constant screaming spells the spiders used but not Bob. He slept like a baby ignored all the spells screaming in his ear. Even the one of the death cult monks could not take it and left but not Bob. As for that thing that happened later that was one of Otto''s guys Bob captured a couple of the giant spiders alive and they had a contest to see who could do the worst torture to it.¡± Pulling out his wine flask Grunt took a deep swig ¡°Alright if any of you are actually thinking of taking the offer let me know. Otherwise I will rip Rupert''s head off and go collect the reward.¡± Rupert paled ¡°Wait wait we have a contract.¡± Grunt chuckled ¡°And your a lawyer. Our contract gives me 2 silver to take you to this meeting and 2 silver when we get back. There is no clause to say if you do not turn up I face a penalty. Losing out on 2 silver coins whatever will I do? You skimped out on paying a bodyguard.¡± Grunt looked at the death priest and the dark elves. ¡°Listen Bob pays for information on people who try and kill him. So do you trust the others not to rat you out? If you do we can let this fine gentleman go.¡± One of the hunters their leader spoke up ¡°So we split Bob''s reward into 4?¡± Grunt chuckled and dropping his club pulled out a small axe. With one swing it took Rupert head off ¡°I think I should take it all.¡± Grunt looked at the dead Rupert. ¡°I will take the head and leave you what is on him.¡± Otto moved forward. ¡°I will leave what is on him to the hunters. Instead of gold or silver I would like a question answered Grunt do you think a assassin would be able to sneak up and kill Bob??¡± ¡°You want to try it? Bob has a army with him and is even now repairing a castle for him to live in. Bob hates nobles so none of your fancy noble assassins will be able to get near him to poison him. Bob is a paranoid person so I bet he stays in his big castle grows his own food and waits until he has a army before venturing out and killing all the current human rulers. If you had a army you could try and lure Bob''s army out and fight them but Bob borrowed the paladins army so you better bring a powerful force. Then you better have good trackers because Bob will make a run for it if things do not go his way. Attacking a paladin of light is one thing. They will not target your family. They will not hire a necromancer to bring you back from the dead as a undead so they can bury you in a grave. They will not and Bob actually did this burn a entire village of elves alive because one of their lords looked at his sister the wrong way. You know that village of light elves Greendale that went up in smoke that was Bob. The local lord looked at his sister the wrong way and Bob slit his throat and burnt down the village to hide what he did.¡± Otto looked up ¡°Wait the local lord of Greendale hired a couple of us to kill a human woman and her child. If the lord used his position to abduct woman then what Bob did was a great service." Grunt spat on the ground ¡°It does not matter even for looking at his sister Bob burnt him and his entire village to the ground. I saw the bones.¡± Otto shrugged ¡°Well Bob might have known something you do not. Maybe the elf lord marked his sister¡± Otto seemed to think about it ¡°No Bob possibly knew about the lord had a bad reputation and ended him.¡± Grunt shrugged ¡°I doubt that Bob had heard stories he was always a burn them all alive just in case kind of guy. You know we got him drunk once. It was horrible he got mean. It turns out he is a mean drunk. Somehow he got more evil and starting asking us if we wanted to head out and have some fun. That is when we started to feel it a sense of dread. As Bob got more and more drunk we all started to feel there was something wrong with him. It was as if Bob had stopped hiding his true nature.¡± A tear rolled down Grunt face ¡°Bob went out to find more booze with Charlie and Jake. The next day they were found dead they killed themselves. We found Bob in a pile of ash that used to be a bandit hideout.¡± Grunt face turned pale ¡°Bob woke up and looked around at the corpses of the bandits and slaves and asked us what was for breakfast. He did not realise what had happened but we did. Bob and Charlie and Jake raided the bandit camp and killed everyone. Then Bob passed out and Charlie and Jake realised what they had done killed themselves. ¡± Otto stared at Grunt ¡°They killed themselves over killing a few bandits¡± ¡°Not the bandits the prisoners the bandits were holding for ransom.¡± Grunt starred at Otto ¡°Just remember if you try and kill Bob and fail you would get more mercy from a devil than Bob. That is if Bob is human and not a arch devil already.¡± Chapter 011 Taking land Otto the death priest looked at the priestess of life and light Sara who was giving him a hard stare. Why a priestess of his gods chief enemy was visiting that maniac Bob was beyond him. Even Otto had been frightened by Grunts stories of Bob brutality when drunk. Why was a priestess of everything Bob tended to kill going to see Bob was a mystery to Otto. Or it was until Sara began talking. ¡°I am not going to let you corrupt that gentle soul Bob. I know from the paladins of light Bob is a caring and gentle soul who loves farming and has given up much of his wealth to help his fellow farmers.¡± Otto felt a chill down his back this crazy bat actually believed what she had just said. Otto remembered that the paladins were often trained from families that had lost members to the slavers. They were fanatic in their hatred of slavers. With Bob offering them a chance to kill slavers there was no way they would not lie so they could kill some slavers. Otto nodded ¡°Yes indeed I have heard that the evil slavers have tried to spread falsehoods about Bob. May I ask what you have been told?¡± ¡°You know they say Bob poisoned a dragon to death with laxative. What a impossible suggestion everyone knows that dragons have poison resistance. The claims they have about Bob that he on his own attacked the slavers and killed them all. Such lies they tell they claim Bob used to wipe out entire goblin towns on his own. At least the lies they tell about Bob hiring assassins to kill slavers are more believable. Or would be if you never meet Bob. A more generous and kinder soul you never meet. How could they tell those horrible stories about him?¡± Sara grinned ¡°You know they even claim Bob skinned a entire village of elves alive because one of the elf''s looked at his sister. Can you imagine it Bob killing someone Otto? ¡± ¡°No I mean his name is Bob not Destrocto the Destroyer¡± Sara nodded ¡°Its good you see it clearly even some of my fellow priests and priestess think Bob is some kind of evil maniac. You know they think Bob is planning on killing every noble in three or four counties and breeding a new race of high humans. They make him sound like some kind of evil demon lord whose plans after centuries of plotting are about to come true. Any way if your not here to try and tell be Bob is some kind of evil demon why are you here? Also can you talk to my sisters. Jessica thinks the paladins have all left because Bob is about to do something awful. You know she thinks Bob skins his enemies alive and buries them because its good for the soil.¡± Otto shuddered remembering the time Bob had done that to a troll. Otto blinked if the paladins were leaving Bob''s service then maybe things would get back to normal. Sara''s next statement almost had Otto running for the hills. ¡°Jessica said the paladins are leaving so they are not forced to stop the cruel and inhuman methods Bob is about to use on the slavers. Apparently some of Bob''s old buddies have come to her to complain that what Bob is planning is inhuman. She believes that cannibals were so scared of what Bob is planning they came to the church of light to convert. They eat people over fires and they are suppose to be so scared of what Bob asked of them that three of them committed suicide.¡± A chill of dread went down Otto back ¡°What did Bob want them to do?¡± ¡°They said Bob wanted to plant people in the ground and see if they could grow magic herbs on them while they were still alive. Can you imagine?¡± Otto could imagine it was something Bob would actually try. Sara shuddered ¡°You know they told far worse lies about Bob. That he already begun growing magic herbs on people and that he was hiring a undead necromancer to create some kind of undead farm. Where they would bury people up to their necks and then cast spells on them to turn them into zombies¡± Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Otto smiled at Sara ¡°You know what why do you not go first I have to go and do something.¡± Bob''s voice called out ¡°Otto get in here now I need to discuss plague cure spells¡± Otto cursed Sara in his head but not Bob. Because even thinking certain things could get you killed by Bob. Otto entered Bob''s room and closed the door. The door lit up and Otto recognised the sealing ward. A spell that stopped air and noise leaving. Bob looked up ¡°The necromancer guild has been pestering me, I was hoping you could accelerate my plans.¡± A feeling of dread overcame Otto. This was Bob whatever he was planning was probably so evil even a devil would puke after hearing about it. Why had he decided to come and see what Bob was up to. Bob grinned ¡°Relax relax will you all you have to do is round up a few murders from the prisons and escort them to their execution. ¡± Bob''s face looked demonic ¡°You know my main class is farmer everyone knows. But what they do not know is that there are several types of undead that I am hopeful we can grow plants on. The plan is we plant a seed in the slavers stomach and put them in the ground.¡± Otto hand shot out ¡°I do not want to know any more. What do you need me to do and what is my sect''s payment?¡± ¡°Well it turns out the flowers we grow if treated with spells to keep the undead aura from killing them are valuable. They can be used in poisons of course but also to increase strength and grant disease resistance as well as help reduce childbirth deaths. It is perfect I can kill my enemies use their flesh to grow plants and raise their skeletons to fight for me. Even better the soil around where we are burying them will become lesser grave soil which the necromancers love.¡± Otto looked at Bob who was too happy if that was all there was to it. Otto thought about it carefully ¡°Your main class gets a lot of experience for growing unusual plants does it not. I bet the plants your planning on growing grant you a lot of experience.¡± Bob smile widened ¡°It grants me a amazing amount of experience and opens up whole new sub classes as well as new skills. With this I might even reach a legendary farmer class. You know how rare classes like that are?¡± Otto knew he also knew there was no might about what Bob was planning. Bob would kill every human and demi human in a thousand miles if he had to. Otto began to sweat ¡°Bob how much land are you taking?¡± ¡°That is a stupid question as much as I can. Honestly its kind of embarrassing. You know they are driving out all the priests with spells that target the undead. For some reason they think that by bringing in the merchant priests and those of the what is it called. The Class priests the ones that claim everyone should be assigned their class at birth based on what their parents did. They are flooding the area with those idiots. Meanwhile the priests of war and priests of death like you are being driven into my waiting arms. What kind of idiot chases out the god of war''s priests before going to war? ¡± Bob sighed ¡°They are tearing down the shrines that protect cities from the undead. I mean what do they think I am not going to hire necromancers? That I am not the kind of person that will not kill their families and send them out after them as undead? ¡± Otto kept very still as Bob glared at him ¡°I know I should be happy my enemies are crippling themselves. More than likely the merchants are making a lot of gold out of this. But what about the farmers like myself. Well like I used to be the guys living on the edge. With maybe a sling and axe which is mostly used to cut fire wood between them and the bandits and monsters. The merchants are using me to form a buffer against the monsters. It looks like they are weakening certain border towns. I think and this is just me because anything else does not make sense they plan on me taking a most of the border regions with them retreating letting me do the fighting. What is their plan weaken the outer regions let me capture them and then hope I spend so much time defending the outer regions I am unable to take the inner region? Of course they might underestimate my greed a bit. When we have them nailed to trees they will know they make a mistake.¡± Otto felt a wave of pity for the merchants. They obviously thought Bob was going to stick to their rules and oppress the lower class. After all if you did not oppress the lower class and let them take combat classes they could rebel. But Bob was from the lower class and would not hesitate to train up the poor. Worse for the merchants he would be smart about it. In a year or maybe less he would have a army of fourteen years old with combat classes and the will to slaughter all that stood in their way. Chapter 12 mistakes Bob looked at the map and then tried to stay awake as the negotiator kept talking. Bob felt his eyes almost close and he decided enough was enough he had skinned people alive for less than making him spend a hole half a hour listening to a speech about nothing. ¡°As you see by the freehold laws.¡± Bob looked up ¡°Ok so you want me not to keep allowing my men to come in and protect the local lords?¡± Watching Gavin the negotiator face twitch cheered Bob up. Bob sighed ¡°That is thirty minutes of my life I will not get back. I do not care that about four hundred years ago a legal precedent was set. People are in need and I am helping them.¡± The ever helpful Sara began to speak ¡°Yes your all being so mean to Bob. Its not his fault the undead attacked all those lords and ladies. He is willing to give back the land he took he just has be certain the undead will not come back.¡± Gavin looked at Bob who was trying to stay awake. ¡°Him he is the most evil and brutal man ever to walk this earth.¡± ¡°Your all so mean to tell stories about Bob. How can you lie about Bob. He is a saint and the lies you tell about him sending the undead to kill the nobles and then sending the paladins to clear them out is a slanderous lie. I do not know of a harsh enough punishment that the lier''s who say Bob men are looting and killing every Taxman they can. What about the lies that Bob is looting the dead.¡± Sara glared at Gavin as bob began to nap ¡°You better take back those lies about Bob. You know they claim he had all the cemeteries looted for corpses and turned into skeletons. How could you allow such lier''s walk free and spew their filth. ¡± Gavin turned red ¡°Bob is slaughtering nobles they found several dozen buried in the ground and left to the rats and crows. He slaughtered nobles in every area he has taken over is he sleeping?¡± Gavin looked at Bob who shook himself awake. A vein on Gavin''s head began to throb ¡°The king will hear of this.¡± Bob looked up ¡°Hello Sara why do you not leave us I want to talk to Gavin alone and close the door behind you.¡± Gavin face turned red with rage ¡°We have the Goodgoblin working with us. He has thousands of warriors and with his help if you do not stop we will attack your lands from two sides.¡± Bob nodded ¡°How is Yobo?¡± Bob smirked as Gavin face began to pale. ¡°Wait were you giving him gold and goods in exchange for a defence treaty? Your telling me I had to spend days days sitting here listening to you trying to work out where your confidence was coming from and you were relying on Yobo?¡± Sara nodded ¡°yes Yobo is such a nice goblin he even offered to pay to educate young goblins ¡± Bob looked at Sara ¡°Please why do you not head down and ¡± Gavin fell to the floor on his knees ¡°Please you have to help me he is going to torture me to death once you leave the room That gold was not to educate the goblins it was gold so Bob would not kill them¡± Bob smiled and grabbing Gavin before talking to Sara ¡°I fear he has gone insane lets knock him out and get a doctor.¡± Gavin tried to speak but Bob gave him a small pat on the belly that almost fractured his bones. Bob gasped ¡°Oh no I forgot I am strong. Sara go get a doctor now. ¡± Sara rushed out and Bob pulled a small bottle from his pocket and whispered into Gavin ear. ¡°Two hours you had me listening to your garbage. Two hours of my time wasted trying to work out if the merchants you work for actually had a plan for stopping me. Why did you not just give me their offer with their threats? It would have saved me my two hours and you would only have been buried alive with your head sticking out of the ground. Now I am going to have you buried in pigs waste and ants put on your head.¡± Bob poured the small vial down Gavin throat and sighed ¡°You know Gavin its almost a shame that Sara is so good in bed. Well for you it is a shame because I might have just killed you if she was not around. Now your going into the ground and I am going to ¡± Bob stopped talking and just stood thinking about it. ¡°Might as well poison you I mean all those stories about the hero escaping with fate helping them. They are corny but I know they happened and if you happened to survive I would be in trouble¡± Bob grinned ¡°You see what your bosses might not know is that while I do not like to read I have no problem gossiping. Before I was born Gary the Gravelord a evil dread lord killed a messenger of the temple of light in a gruesome manner. He had his men force her down and had his way with her in front of them all. Then he horribly tortured the other messenger your second cousin before blaspheming and doing unspeakable things to the dead messenger body.¡± Bob winked at Gavin ¡°The thing is that Gary the Graveyard evil lord and heretic was gay. The very idea he would touch a female messenger. Lets just say he had more chance of deciding to cut it off. By the way I hired one of his ex lovers to be your bodyguard. I am going to poison you and drop you in the worst place I can imagine. The ditch which is used as a toilet. When whoever it is who is suppose to rescue you will run into Tim and a few of my men. Honestly I was just thinking of beheading you all this plotting is exhausting. But two whole hours you made me listen to you waffle on for two hours.¡± Bob left Gavin alone and calling a guard headed back to check his reports. Rabbit rushed in a new pink dress. ¡°The teacher is being so mean she wants me to know all my letters.¡± This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. Bob nodded ¡°It is hard to learn to read . But if you do not you have seen me trick people with contracts. Do you want to be sold into slavery again because you can not read the fine print of a contract? Besides alchemy and potion making require you to at least be able to read common. Those elves put most of their knowledge in books written in high elfish it is very hard to read. But I have a high level ancient elfish reading skill¡± Rabbit nodded looking at Bob suspiciously ¡°You just had a man ordered to be tortured to death for making you listen to a two hour speech. You expect me to believe you had the patience to learn high elfish?¡± ¡°I would love to make a bet with about my skill level. But who said I learned it the normal way? I got it as a skill from my alchemist sub class.¡± Rabbit looked depressed ¡°Your such a cheater.¡± ¡°You try killing a dragon and cutting its still breathing heart out so you can use it as a ingredient in a potion. Then you can talk to me about cheaters. Now I have a map here I would like you to take a look at. I will put models in all the places there are troops. ¡± Bob quickly pulled out a couple of chess sets and began to put white pieces on his land and black outside on the area owned by the others. Rabbit looked at the map ¡°Why do you have so many more troops then the king. Surely he has more men under his command? Why are you so worried if you have more and better troops than the king¡± ¡°I am worried because I got demands from the king. My military is much stronger than the King''s at the moment. My troops are at least 2 points stronger then the King''s and that alters things. I could head into the human lands and slap the king to death before seizing his crown and no one could stop me. Am I too kind? Do they think I will not head over there and burn them all too death. When they are so weak why are they out here making demands? I am worried about falling into a trap and making a mistake.¡± Rabbit looked at the map ¡°The human lands have a lot more men then you do why is your army so powerful? Your strong but your not that strong.¡± Pulling out a piece of paper Bob began to write. Before Bob Farmer level 5 Strength 3-4 Endurance 4-5 Intelligence 1 hp points 70 - 150 Mana 0 Combat skills non After Bob Farmer level 5 Strength 6-8 Endurance 5 Intelligence 1 hp points 90 -225 Mana 0 Combat skills active archery lv 1 shield wall lv 2 Bob smirked ¡°In order to use a longbow you need a strength of at least 6 or 7. That means my troops will have a long bow and theirs will have a short bow and prayers that my men decide to let them in firing range. Take a look at the difference¡± Longbow range 120 1 effects armour piercing Shortbow range 70 - 80 weakness wear against armour Rabbit did and Bob smirked ¡°See you do need to learn to read longbow range 120 shortbow range 70 to 80. Of course the shortbow real range is about 40. That is because the arrows are smaller. One of my generals gave a massive speech about it. Rather than listen I decided to just go down to the practice range with a couple of friends and watch them shoot for a couple of hours. ¡± Rabbit looked up ¡°So your entire plan is based on you going down and watching a couple of farmers fire a few arrows?¡± ¡°I AM BOB and Bob knows how to kill. When I went up against the goblins before I got my main class I just stood at range and killed them. My bow had the range theirs did not. Try using my bow some day. I bet you can not even lift it up.¡± Bob grinned ¡°You trained with the goblin bow right? Have you seen the longbow? Can you imagine trying to run towards me armed with a longbow you armed with a shortbow while I shoot at you all you can do is hope I miss.¡± A pale Rabbit nodded ¡°But how does having a few archers help when the enemy outnumbers you a thousand to one?¡± Bob sighed. ¡°Hate the farmers hate the taxmen. Even in the rare area''s where the local lords do their job''s they still hate the taxmen. All I talked about when I was a dirt farmer was ways to get rich. So when I took over the area I sent out gifts to the freeholders. They do not like me much jealously can twist men''s minds but they hate the king and his nobles. Anyway my men will stand and fight theirs will slit the nobles who push them forwards throats ¡± Bob chuckled ¡°It is too bad they are all like me because I would love to set off and string the king up by his balls. The reason I did not is simple the farmers would riot when they won and kill every noble merchant and soldier on the other side. Then they would loot everything and leave a pile of ashes where the cities once stood. No I have the military strength to finish off the king its just the cost would be too high. What I want you to do is look at the map and tell me where you think a attack would come from.¡± Rabbit looked at the map ¡°What about the elves?¡± ¡°Those girls blouses they are all weak. I mean sure most of them have a decent archery skill but their physical strength is lacking besides they are too far away. Except for the few Pegasus riders and griffin riders they have it would take them a week to get down here. But I suppose you are right I might as well make sure they are not planing on ambushing me. I will bring my forces right to the border of the kings land and then pull back and attack the orcs. That way my troops can level up and I can test for whatever is giving the king coincidence enough to send idiots to annoy me.¡± Bob starred at the map ¡°The truth is I have to move soon the human merchants are beginning to get their act together. They are starting massive farms to lower the the cost of food and factories to produce furniture and clothing for half nothing. They will soon be in a position to under cut the farmers small industry which is a problem. As while I have some gold to prop them up I do not have a lot. A farmer sub class of brewer or weaver will not be able to stand up against a pure class. All that is holding me back is I do not want to make a mistake. It was so much easier when all I had to do is pick up rocks and use them to squash goblins heads. ¡± Bob sighed ¡°I am missing something I just know it. I have a decent army that wants loot. The king has a bunch of peasant farmers who would love to slit his throat. So why am I still getting demands? Its not like I will not kill him and piss on his corpse given half a chance.¡± Chapter 13 Bad luck for some ¡°WE ARE ORC''S THE GODS CHOSEN ONES. WE ARE STRONG AND MIGHTY WHO IS THIS BOB TO DARE COME INTO OUR LANDS AND TRY AND TAKE THEM. WE NUMBER 500 AND WHILE THE HUMANS OUTNUMBER US WE ARE STRONGER AND ALL HAVE MELEE CLASSES ABOVE 3. LETS RUSH THEM OUR SKIN IS THICK AND THOSE SHORT BOWS THE HUMANS USE WILL BOUNCE OFF US. NOW ON TO VICTORY AND GLORY¡± The last words of Steelfist leader of the Steelhammer orc''s spoken just before he was struck by close to 100 arrows. ¡°THE STEELHAMMER CLAN WAS WEAK. THEIR LEADER STEELFIST WAS A WEAKLING. WE ARE STRONG AND HAVE BETTER ARMOUR. THOSE SHORT BOWS THE HUMANS USE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PERETRATE OH SHIT THOSE ARE LONG BOWS. CHANGE OF PLANS BOYS LETS RUN FOR IT RUN ¡± The last words of Hammerfist the leader of the Iron orc''s moments before a arrow fired by Bob killed him. ¡°WE ARE GOBLINS AND WE ARE STRONG AND OUTNUMBER THE HUMANS 3 TO 1. HOWEVER THAT DEMON BOB IS LEADING THEM SO WE ARE GOING TO SIT ON THIS HILL WITH OUR CROSSBOWS AND SHIELDS AND TELL BOB THIS IS OUR LAND¡± Goodgoblin appointed king of the goblins for 3 months. Bob looked at the goblins and their hastily built defenses and sighed. The 30,000 goblins were not a problem the 300 or 400 heavy crossbows were. The goblins had dug in and it looked like each of the crossbows were protected by basic shields. Worse the goblins were on a hill to attack Bob would have to have his troops rush the goblins. Looking at the hill Bob noticed larger bunker like defenses. It looked like something you used to hold siege weaponry. Bob had a amazing strength level and could fire a bow twice what anyone else in his army could. But at the end of the day it was a bow not a weapon designed to bring down stone walls 6 feet thick. Looking at the hill Bob noticed what looked like patches of grass that were wrong. A knight named Jeff rode over. Bob watched the knights armor admiring it. It fully covered Jeff in a steel layer of defense. Jeff spoke up ¡°You should be on a horse sir.¡± ¡°I am not a good rider besides I can outrun most horses anyway. You seeing the trip falls on the hill designed to block a cavalry charge?¡± Jeff head snapped around ¡°Where?¡± ¡°The goblins have them all over the fields in front of their crossbows. Well they look like anti infantry traps but as those have to be bigger than the ones they use on horses. I am betting they have the ones used on horses all over the fields especially on the area''s leading to the siege weapons they have. ¡± Jeff strained his head looking at the goblins ¡°What siege weapons? Where are the traps¡± ¡°Those shields on the ditches The bigger ones look like the type you build to defend siege weapons those giant crossbow the repeating type. The ones as big as a wagon whatever they are called. The grass has been cut in several area''s up there. You cut out the soil put in a couple sharp rocks or a stake at the bottom and maybe the side. Then when someone or a horse stands on it their leg goes in. When your leg gets pierced by a stone or stake you tend to try and pull it out. Just instinct which is where the side stakes slanting down come into it. You try and pull your leg out because something just went threw your foot you catch your foot on the other stakes. Plus generally you piss or take a crap into the hole to infect the enemies wound. I have 200 knights and there are thousands of cheap traps up there. So while riding slowly past the traps is possible. You would have to do it with a couple of hundred crossbow goblins using heavy crossbows and siege weapons to greet you ¡± A grin appeared on Bob''s face ¡°We have not killed or burnt any goblin villages yet. So we can just pack up and go home.¡± On his horse Jeff leg slipped and he almost fell off ¡°Wait what? Would you run from mere goblins?¡± ¡°I would run from a angry cat if I had too. The goblins are poor and have nothing I want. Do you want a bunch of used loin cloths that have brown stains near where the goblins asshole used to be? Like I said we have not killed any of them and they are not likely to attack me given the fact I have a bunch of forts. Plus they are scared of me. Besides what was that thing Barney was talking about? Objectives. What do I get assaulting the heavily defended goblins and win not much. What if I lose or say win with a couple of thousand soldiers deaths? Is it worth it? ¡± Jeff stopped moving for a second and patted his horse ¡°What about honor and glory?¡± ¡°Well if you want to personally assault the goblins for glory I will honor your bravery by pissing on your grave for being a idiot. We are here to get the men some experience a level or two and push some of the more undesirable elements further from the human lands. We have done that.¡± Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. Looking up at the goblins Bob stopped talking and began to think ¡°You know those goblins seem capable. Not like the standard lets all rush at the guy who just killed a couple of thousand of us with rocks. We should look into hiring them at a minimum they could be decent expendable troops. I mean my whole strengthening ability will work on them as well.¡± Bob then shook his head ¡° Wait goblins they breed to fast. They would soon outnumber my troops and be twice as strong. No one wants a hobgoblin tide¡± Jeff seemed to shudder which was not easy in his suit of armor. Bob nodded and used a spell to enhance his voice ¡°Alright folks it has been a nice day out for us. Lets set up camp here and head home tomorrow. When we get back the first round for all of you is on me. If any of you feel like we should kill all the goblins and spend a couple of weeks up here with our tents and no fire wood let me know. But if we kill them all we will have to finish the job because leaving their families behind is not a good idea. Nothing gets a kid angrier than someone coming along killing his father and stealing his families land. So if you want to head home to the brothels tomorrow and rest for a week we can. Or if you want to spend the next week waste deep in mud water looking for fleeing goblins hoping the fish do not bite your dick off let me know tomorrow. In the mean time lets put some space between us and the goblins before we set up camp.¡± Jeff pulled off his helmet ¡°Wait your going to let the decide?¡± Bob shrugged ¡°If they want to kill the goblins it will take me a week to get them off that hill. As I do not want any casualties on our side I will have to do it myself. ¡± Jeff looked at Bob and the stories he heard came back to him ¡°Wait your going to kill 30000 to 40000 goblins on your own?¡± ¡°Na after I kill the first few thousand the rest will flee. I have a bow and enough strength I can stand just on the range of those war catapults and shoot the goblins to death. It will take hours to slaughter the goblins armed with the crossbows. Mostly because I will have to avoid the rocks shot from the catapults.¡± Jeff turned pale as Bob looked at the goblin army. ¡°I am Bob and crap I did not bring enough arrows. This used be easier when the enemy only had those small bows and slings. You know I used be able to throw rocks further than the goblins could shot their arrows.¡± Bob sighed and began to look at the goblin army. Jeff felt like he was next to a giant bottomless pit even looking at the darkness might cause you to feel terror. Looking up Bob grinned ¡°It looks like we got everything we wanted from this trip there is a elf up there riding on a griffin. So now we know what the lords were relying upon. Stupid trusting a light elf even the dark elves are not as vicious. Well I guess I am not getting any sleep tonight. Bring the troops home I can not risk attacking the goblins with elves around. I will be scouting the elves camp.¡± Jeff swallowed hard looking at the evil light in Bob''s face. Bob grin widened ¡°They made me do paperwork. I mean yes I did it when I had to but I had to do a whole hours paperwork a day. So if the elves leave me a opening I am going to skin them and use their skin to make my blankets.¡± Jeff almost fainted from the sheer level of blood lust coming off Bob. For a instant he wanted to ask Bob how the elves had forced him to do paper work. Then he decided against it Bob was obviously a battle junkie and the elves unless they had set up a well defended camp were about to learn that fact. Bob blended in with the other men and soon vanished in the crowd. Jeff cursed as the skill he used to locate Bob vanished. A lot of elves were going to die unless they had a few high rank soldiers and even then they might still be in trouble. Jaff mopped his brow and stuck his helmet back on before heading back to his cavalry unit. A few hours later in the darkness Bob got ready. A bag of holding with 360 arrows which Bob had dipped in poison or pissed on. Bob was only sorry he did not have anything to eat in a few hours. He could have taken a massive shit and used it with a few potions to poison the arrows. With his alchemy skills he could have mixed in a few poisons that would have done a amazing job. Bob checked the camp again one last time. The Elves had chosen well a clearing on top of a hill. They had sentries out and Bob had no doubt they had a lot of hidden snipers around. It was getting bright and Bob had to make a decision. Was he going to attack or not? Bob sighed the elves were a lot more disciplined than he would like but they had made a mistake. They only had griffins and griffins were heavy and so needed time to take to the sky. Bob got ready and began to fire his arrows. Dragon strength and his insane strength stats launched arrows that were as big as some war catapults rained down upon the elf camp. The griffins began to scream as arrows landed on them then Bob targeted the sentries and then finally shot a couple of arrows into the biggest tent he could. Bob then fired at the elves trying to help the enraged Griffins and for good measure fired a screamer arrow into the middle of the griffins. The screamer arrow did what it was enchanted to released a massive scream that caused the already angry griffins to go berserk and attack everything and everyone in sight. A shadow in the air let Bob know the elves had at least a couple of griffins hidden away from their main camp and so he re positioned himself and watched the elves try and calm the berserk griffins. Looking at the griffins in the air rushing around Bob noticed they were getting slower. The elves were pushing them too hard. They had just taken off with a combat take off and now they were rushing around at speed looking for Bob. Bob headed back towards the elves and found a couple of griffins dropping off soldiers near where he had fired from. Bob chuckled and pulled his bow back. The griffin which was landing got hit in the wing. The griffin screamed as it smashed into the ground and Bob opened fire on the other griffin and elves that had already been landed. Arrows that had to be enchanted to stop them breaking because Bob was strong enough to lift up a elephant with one hand hit the elves. Bob''s bow creaked as he released arrows so fast his hands became blurs. In seconds every elf that had not managed to jump behind something was dead. Bob looked gave the still alive elves a glance and then took off into the night. The elves first response and reaction to his ambush had been too swift and too disciplined for him to stick around longer. If they healed their still alive griffins and gave them stamina potions he could be in trouble. Or he could have been if they also had a lot of cure poison potions. Griffins were larger than humans and needed 2 to 3 potions to deal with the same kind of poison completely. Chapter 14 What happened next Lady Lightheart was a noble and refined elf. She had spent centuries training and preparing to deal with her races enemies. Enemies which now included a insane maniac called Bob. Lady Lightheart looked at the fuming prince Connor and spoke out ¡°We retreat get on your griffin my prince¡± ¡°Retreat are you mad we were just shamelessly attacked by that mud person. Are we to retreat from a blink?¡± ¡°We lost my prince Bob is back with his troops and the rest of our forces are too far out to reach us before he reaches his forts. We are not strong enough to attack his forts. Meanwhile our so called human allies have no army no fort we can use as a base. Which means Bob can come back and attack us at night if we are not careful. ¡± Connor paled ¡°But surely we have 47 griffin left surely we can lay waste to a mere 10,000 human serf scum and Bob.¡± ¡°My prince no we can not. The humans have a shields for our arrows and while flying over their heads and dropping stones might work on goblins it will not work here. Bob bow has a insane range and he might have enchanted arrows. If he can cast float on them that would be bad for us. What you need to understand my prince is that when Bob started off killing the goblins he attacked the smaller villages first to gain skills and levels. Then he went after the smaller orc camps and larger goblin towns. My prince think about it. Last night he ambushed us and more than likely gained new skills or maybe a title. If we fail again he could gain a few new skills with the experience of killing us. When that happens will he be content to stay in the human lands or will he come looking for us in our kingdom. Bob is not some stage villain who rushes in he will slaughter the smaller elf villages grow in strength and only then attack our cities. ¡± Barney was quite happy his old enemy Ron cronies were mostly dead. With the end of the slave trade with all the slavers dead by Bob or his men''s hands the ex slaves had gone looking for people to blame. The nobles had guards but the ex knights Ron had trained mostly had charisma skills. They also technically had a combat class so if you killed them the amount of experience you gained was not small. Barney tried not to smile at the thought of some of his old enemies being thorn limb from limb. Looking up Barney saw Flow who looked happy standing next to a man who did not. Barney recognised him as Felix a minor noble. Spit was flying from Felix mouth ¡°I know it was you who ordered your family to sell the land next to Bob''s. It is not worthless you sold me worthless land¡± ¡°Now now at the time I sold it. I mean at the time my family sold you that land was nowhere near Bob''s land.¡± Felix looked ready to explode ¡°You knew bob was going to take the land near him. Your building forts in your own land take back the land you sold me.¡± Flow smiled ¡°Of course we will buy it at CURRENT market value¡± Barney winked at Flow ¡°My dear how about I put you in contact with Bob he can assist you in dealing with any bandits you might have.¡± Flow nodded ¡°Of course of course once you have assured us all that the rumours Bob attacked and killed hundreds of elves are all lies.¡±Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! Barney''s smiled and for a instant his face seemed to change into that of a skull. ¡°My dear as you know I am a paladin and do not lie. Now while I have not been in as much contact with Bob as I might have I will swear to the best of my knowledge Bob has had no dealing with the elves¡± Flow blinked ¡°Wait how much contact exactly have you had with Bob over the last few months?¡± ¡°Why none I had to organise the new recruits. I did not speak to or even ask my lieutenants what Bob was doing. After all I know what kind of man Bob is I knew he would do what I wanted him to do. Now to put to rest any of your doubts I am prepared to swear that my men are all honourable. Also I can swear that Bob has no intention at this time of attacking the elves at this time.¡± Felix turned red ¡°You you your. You stayed away from Bob so you could lie under oath¡± ¡°Of course not lying implies telling a falsehood. As a paladin I can not tell a lie.¡± Flow nodded ¡°That is why you stayed away from Bob''s plans you can come here and say you know nothing and any truth spell will confirm that.¡± Barney smiled ¡°You know Ron used to do that to me all the time. That is his line lying implies a falsehood I guess you can teach a old dog new tricks. I will have to look up the actual line and use it when you put me under truth spells for the court cases.¡± Goodgoblin looked around at his fellow chiefs ¡°How many of you levelled up?¡± Seeing their smiling faces Goodgoblin heart dropped ¡°You understand that you got as much experience as surviving a battle by merely avoiding being murdered by Bob. It was a good thing the elves were around otherwise Bob would have killed the lot of us. Now when the elves arrive let me do the talking. Bob killed a lot of them last night and they might be wanting to get us involved. We wait to see how things play out you hear me? This is important any clan or village that steps out of line will be hunted down by all of us. You will all swear this now or I will have you cooked alive. ¡± Goodgoblin looked at the quivering goblin chiefs and then looked at the ones who were not quivering. ¡°We can discuss this in a week if Bob makes another move and is unsuccessful but survives we can ask for double what the elves are offering now. I will not stop you making a move but hear me. A week if any of you make a move before that I will make you watch us cooking your family and force feed you their meat before cooking you and feeding you to the rats.¡± The goblin leaders paled as they looked at the evil light that was in Goodgoblins eyes. Goodgoblin grinned ¡°Well its time send her in then.¡± Lady Lightheart was dressed in silver armour and towered over the goblins the sense of danger cause many to pale. She glared at Goodgoblin ¡°You know elves have excellent hearing?¡± ¡°Yes I do that is why I let you near when I was giving out instructions. No need for you to stay longer than needed. We will wait until you and Bob are actually fighting and if it looks like your going to win we will offer you our services. After all its worth you paying death benefits for a thousand goblins rather than losing one elf.¡± Lady Lightheart looked at Goodgoblin ¡°Your smart for a goblin. I will be back in a week or so. If we decide to pursue this you will be given triple per dead goblin.¡± Lady Lightheart walked off and Goodgoblin cursed ¡°Triple this is bad news. How many elves died pushing Bob back last night?¡± Bob looked at the poison he was putting in a spring and hid. The earlier poisons he had put in the spring took around a day to work the latest one he was using would take a hour. The elves would take to the sky on their flying horses only to have the flying horse die of a sudden heart attack. Bob would have liked to have whistled at one of the cute female elves as the elves flew away but the elves had sharp hearing. Looking at the elves flying Bob wondered why they thought he was going to attack them with his bow and arrows again. They were prepared for that kind of attack but Bob was also a alchemist. If they forgot then Bob was quite happy to remind them by poisoning them all to death. It was just a shame he could not have given them the explosive diarrhoea poison. It would have been funny watching a flying horse and rider literally shit out their internal organs. Bob sighed maybe next time. Chapter 15 Bob being Bob Bob was having a great day. The poisons he had mixed in every water source near a hill top had done its job wonderfully. Almost every Pegasus the elves favourite flying horse had died sending their riders to their screaming death. Bob felt their he was going to level up soon and the elves would take at least a week to get any more flying animals to collect any elves still alive. Bob almost began to whistle as he raised his bow and sent a arrow into a elf off in the distance. Bob whistled as he rushed off to the next observation point. All the elves were heading towards the elf main camp which meant Bob could lie in wait and ambush them. A elf typically lived between 400 and 600 years depending on the type of elf they were. That gave them hundreds of years to hone their skills and improve their classes. Even with the elves slower experience gain having such a large life made any warrior elf a powerhouse. Which meant that as a farmer Bob received a large amount of experience for each elf killed. Bob ran to his next observation spot and seeing yet another group of elves walking to their main camp open fire with his bow. Each of Bob''s arrows took a elf life. Bob finished killing the last elf and was just getting ready to head to the observation site when he spotted a Pelagius and its rider in the distance. Bob cursed the elves had gotten the few Pegasus that he had not poisoned to death and were now warning off the stragglers. Bob picked up the pace and rushed to catch the last remaining elf stragglers. The Pegasus were faster than Bob but the elves on the ground were not. All he had to do is get within range of the elves and a arrow would finish them off. Bob looked up and seeing more Pegasus in the distance knew where he had to go. As Bob rushed to finish off as many elves as he could a horde of goblin streamed towards him. Bob looked up and smirked taking careful aim he shot at elf and then putting his bow into his bag of holding reached down and picked up a rock before rushing at the goblins. Bob tossed the rock at the leaders of the goblins who had stopped rushing forward and had begun to shove one another another forward. The rock struck the main goblin war chief and he exploded in a shower of blood and guts. For a second every goblin stopped moving and starred. While every goblin might have been stunned for a second Bob was not. He pulled out a club and struck the front of the goblins like a tidal wave. Goblins were tossed into the air in many cases the goblins were in chunks. As Bob began to mow down the goblins. The goblins panicked and tried to run away. Pulling out a chain Bob got to work. Goodgoblin looked at the bodies his goblins had brought back and then looked at his ally Prince Connor who was puking his lunch out. ¡°What did you expect Bob to lay down and die because your a noble? He is not a priest of some good god or monk. That is a killer now get yourself together and lets see if we can end this.¡± Massive war machines were being assembled behind Goodgoblin who suddenly paled. ¡°Not good Bob is coming this way and at speed. Crossbows fire now.¡± This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version. Units of ten goblins lined up massive crossbows and fired them at Bob who jumped to the left and then turned and ran off. Goodgoblin cursed ¡°He spotted us that is it pull back.¡± Conor stopped wiping the puke off his shoe and glared at Goodgoblin ¡°That was not the deal you said you could kill Bob¡± ¡°I said I would try. I think one of those crossbows hit him. You know what a crossbow bolt from a crossbow 10 goblins have to wind up to shoot does to Bob. Gives him a bruise he has a iron skin passive skill. He could stand in front of us and we could shot him with our bows and slings and at the end of the day he would have dust and ruined clothes.¡± Watching Bob run at a group of goblins trying to slow him down Goodgoblin winced just as Bob accelerated before crashed into the wall of goblins and came out the other side covered in goblin blood and guts. The few goblins still alive after Bob ran threw there friends began to scream. Goodgoblin pulled out a scroll and used it to amplify his voice. ¡°Congratulations you all have been given your wish to be able to fight Bob. As a bonus I have had your families brought to our main encampment. They can all witness your mighty prowess as you kill that wimp Bob.¡± Looking around at the stunned faces of the goblins around him Goodgoblin laughed ¡°Yes you all insisted on taking the elf''s gold and now I am going to make sure you at least drive Bob out of our lands. Is Bob a turn the other cheek kind of guy? No he is a violent maniac and because you threatened me I had to let you take a shot at him. Well now your all going to help me push him off our lands. ¡± Goodgoblin chuckled ¡°Ha Ha that is me laughing because the other goblins have orders to shot you if you try and run away. Not that you would with your families back there¡± A Pegasus landed and a elf jumped off. He began to speak ¡°He ran threw the goblin ran right threw them there is a hole in that wall of goblins where he ran threw them and the ground is red with their guts¡±Goddgoblin sighed ¡°That is Bob being Bob he does things like slaughter entire armies to weak creatures like goblins and apparently to the superior race of elves as well.¡± Goodgoblin voice boomed out again ¡°I would normally say a 1000 but its Bob so 100 Bob''s would not be able to defeat Barney and his 30 Paladin knights. If Bob is bad how much worse would a force capable of slaughtering a 100 of him be? We need to push Bob back so we can put up some basic defences. That will allow us to flee.¡± Seeing Connor turn red Goodgoblin face turned serious. ¡°Look at the elf prince Connor he came here not knowing why he was being sent to stop a mere human. Bob is not a threat to the elves. The thousands of little Bob''s that are growing up under his rule are. Now hurry up chase after Bob push him off our land. Remember behind Bob are worse terrors the human paladins and adventurers any one of who could kill Bob with one hand tied behind their back. So when you get to the human lands turn back¡± Connor began to splutter and Goodgoblin looked at him ¡°Wise up where are your bodyguards?¡± Connor stopped spluttering as Goodgoblin smirked ¡°You had to leave them behind did you not? It is called M.A.D Mutually Assured Destruction. The humans have a number of powerful adventurers. Enough that the elves have to be careful sending out a assassination squad after Bob. They are somewhat limited. Of course as there are a lot of elf powerhouses and only a few human powerhouses the elves have the ability to push for their assassins to be of quite high level. You had enough power houses to kill Bob ten times over and yet he slaughtered you all. Now more than likely he is picking out a new skill and his elders will not let him out again. ¡± Goodgoblin looked into the air where smoke signals were. ¡°Not good Bob has reinforcements which are on the way. It looks like children. Bob is training them and plans to use my peoples blood to strengthen them.¡± Looking at the goblins who Connor had bribed to attack Bob Goodgoblin voice boomed out with a spell again ¡°Bob is coming back with reinforcements. All the goblins that took Prince Connor''s gold to the front you will be given the opportunity to earn your gold. And if you fail well your families are behind you they will be given rocks and the chance to die honourably in battle. ¡± Chapter 016 What is worse than Bob 10,000 Bobs Pulling back his bow Bob fired yet another arrow at a goblin that was trying to ambush a small human child. The child screamed as she was covered in the goblins brain. All around Bob children tossed spears or used sling to shot rocks at the goblins who were desperately trying to get away. Bob watched a 10 year old boy hack at a downed goblin with a small hand axe. As none of the humans had there main class yet them killing even one goblin would unlock at least a normal class. If any of the youngsters managed to kill 10 then they might even get a rare class. Watching the children hold down a goblin and one of them smashing its hands and legs Bob wondered why they were taking time to torture a goblin when there were plenty more running away. In the distance children riding sheep and a few goats appeared and pulling out slings and small bows and began to shoot at the fleeing goblins. Bob was impressed to go from being being trained to farm or as a maid to being able to shot from a moving animal in a few months was impressive. Of course most of the mounted children were from the freeholders and had been given some training with bows. A rare few were expert shots and they showed this as goblin after goblin fell dead with a arrow to the eye anywhere near such experts. A few of the children were mounted on ponies. They had lances and were busy running over as many goblins as they could. Bob noticed the children on the ponies all had bits of armour over them. They were obviously the rich merchants children who wanted their children to gain the squire class. Bob pulled out his bow and shot a goblin who looked like he was going to throw a stone at one of the mounted children. Now was not the time to take chances. The goblins were quickly slaughtered and Bob headed to check on how the children were doing. He found them standing over a couple of tied up goblins discussing the most horrible way to kill them. ¡°Lets cut off their balls and stuff them down their throats¡± ¡°They will bleed out too quickly lets tie them up and throw them onto a anthill¡± ¡°Where are you going to find a anthill?¡± ¡°Well then lets get some rats and a bowl I heard if you heat the bowl ¡± ¡°That is metal idiot¡± ¡°I have a pot for making tea whose the idiot now¡± one of the tied up goblins fainted in terror and the other wet himself. ¡°Your all horrible¡± a girl riding a pony came over ¡°Your all horrible how could you think of doing that too the poor goblins I have candy and will share a bag if I can keep the goblins¡± A youngster with a axe dripping with blood spoke up ¡°You just want to sell them as slaves. They are worth a lot more than a couple of bags of candy. Anyway I caught them so I get to decide what to do with them. My sister needs achievements to gain the healer class. I will cut the goblins and she can sew them up that way I gain experience and she gets her achievements. I bet we can keep them alive after cutting off all their fingers and toes. They might be alive to see my knife cut out their eye balls.¡± Seeing the merchant on the pony about to argue with the boy with the bloody axe Bob spoke up ¡°Normally a goblin slave would be worth something especially as no more humans are being taken captive. But think about it your here to kill goblins and a lot escaped. How many will make it back to their friends and how many will be captured and sold. The market will be glutted for at least a month. Do you have the patience to keep a goblin captive for a month? Plus you will be able to buy a goblin which has not soiled itself for half a bag of candy for the next month or so. ¡± Bob looked at the young man with the axe covered in blood ¡°Your a good brother what is your name?¡± ¡°Eric son of Eric sir¡± ¡°Well Eric son of Eric you can choose where you want to be placed in the next attack. Also anyone who is dead you can have first pick of their weapons and armour.¡± Bob tossed Eric Son of Eric a bag. ¡°Silver because while I am generous I am not that generous buy your sister as many goblin slaves as you can with the 10 silver in the bag. Get yourself something as well.¡± Bob looked around at the children. ¡°Listen up this is it you can take your normal class or you can see about getting a rare class. Stop wasting time and get ready to march when the next orders come in or you will be sorry.¡± The kids quickly gathered the few arrows they could and got ready. A knight rushed over Bob recognised him as Allen a paladin squire. Allan rode his horse to the point he almost hit Bob and began speaking This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it ¡°The elves they had another group on the ground they were going to ambush you. Luckily a girl had a bee nest and dropped it into their camp. The elves all ran off a cliff and died. But there might be more units out there.¡± Bob paled as he thought about the information he had just been given ¡°Not another word in front of the children. Move over where they can not hear you.¡± Bob grabbed the horses head and pulled him and the rider away from the children. Bob got close to Allen and whispered ¡°Were all the elves killed by one girl?¡± ¡°Yes there must have been a dozen of them all legendary warriors killed by one un-classed little girl¡± Bob nodded ¡°Do not mention the girls name. ¡± ¡°I do not know it¡± Bob nodded and looked at Eric Son of Eric ¡°Eric its time I went and had a talk with Goodgoblin lets talk over there.¡± Bob rushed over picked up Eric Son of Eric up with one hand and rushed to one side. He leaned in and whispered ¡°I want you to go to your father and tell him to get whoever just killed those elves to safety. I will give you a purse when it is time for her to get her first class tell your father make sure they are brought to someone who can cast a zero level exemption ceremony on her. ¡± Looking around Bob chuckled ¡°Well its a nice day to die. Allen you take Eric to see his father and let everyone know his father is our new general. Kids line up and switch units I want random units if anyone knows anyone in their unit I will have your ass whipped.¡± Bob looked at the kids and at the few minders they had ¡°Get everyone into units of ten. No one is to know anyone else in their unit I will be offering a silver to anyone who knows someone in their new group and that person will be whipped. Eric move it get on Allen horse I will get things organised here. Ok all units of archers are to move up here I want slinger''s in one group¡± Bob grabbed a archer and pulled a kid who was torturing a goblin and spoke to the archer ¡°Do you know him?¡± ¡°No sir¡± Bob looked at the kid who had been torturing the goblin ¡°Do you know his name?¡± ¡°It is Gerry sir he lives two huts away from mine¡± Gerry called out ¡°Do not tell him that Paul he will not put us in the same unit¡± Bob pulled out a gold coin and put it up in the air to show it was gold before tossing it to Paul. He then grabbed Gerry and bit off one of his fingers with his teeth. Bob spat out Gerry''s finger and spoke up ¡°I am not joking you will not know the people you are in a group with well. Someone use healing potion on Gerry finger stub so he does not die of blood loss then we are going to have a whipping so you know I am serious.¡± Bob chuckled ¡°Remember folks if one person knows the the other person name they get a gold coin the liar gets a whipping and if you have any enemies they can also let me know about your friends and you both will be whipped. It is a gold coin would your own father not sell you out for one? ¡± After getting all the children into new groups Bob had them head back while he went to talk to Goodgoblin. Bob simply grabbed a goblin that had been tied up and sent him with a note and a bag of gold to Goodgoblin. Bob then waited on a small hill for Goodgoblin to appear. Goodgoblin appeared almost at once he was pale from running and he had not brought all of the troops allowed in the note. Goodgoblin fell to the ground and began to puke before getting up and calling out ¡°You killed thousands of goblins for a bag of silver why are you sending me gold with the offer of more for a truce? You are wining and soon enough Barney will arrive. When that happens every goblin for miles will be slaughtered with easy. Why are you offering me gold when in a week you could simply have Barney ride over my forces?¡± Bob grinned ¡°Your wrong about that bag of silver I killed around five thousand goblins for a bag of copper coins. I am offering you this deal because I have to. You do not need to know why but if you do not take it I will bring all my troops back and march them over the corpses of every Goblin for miles. This is not a situation where I will care about my life of the lives of my troops. I will actually want you to kill most of my troops if you can. Dead men tell no tales. And when the fighting is over and everyone is dead I will have my necromancers raise all the dead and sent them out to kill. All that will be left will be the ghosts of the dead screaming out for release that will never come. ¡± Bob looked at the goblins all of whom except Goodgoblin had taken a step backwards ¡°Think about it Goodgoblin. This matter is serious enough that whatever mercy I have will be forgotten. I will have my peace treaty or I will try my lands and yours into a wasteland. There is no middle ground not now.¡± Bob headed back leaving the stunned goblin looking at each other with fear in their eyes. That was Bob the destroyer and he looked furious. Someone was in for a bad time. Bob took a stamina potion and headed off he soon met a group of horses. Looking at the paladins and the one horse rider who did not look comfortable Bob sighed. ¡°Since it was Eric Son Of Eric I sent off I take it you are Eric? I guess you have no riding skills¡± ¡°Yes my lord is wise. I am Eric grandson of Eric.¡± Bob blinked ¡°Ok can I call you something else?¡± ¡°In my youth I was known as Eric the Black due to my black tempers. You can call me Black my lord. My sword is at your service.¡± Bob nodded ¡°Ok listen up we need to get ready because if the goblins do not agree to my terms I am calling back all our troops and we are turning all of this area into a wasteland even if it kills us all. Black over there knows someone who has to be protected so he will choose everyone who knows who that person is and will stick them on the front lines. There will be no mercy and no survivors from this attack. There is only us and the enemy and we all fight until the enemy or us are dead.¡± Eric the Black spoke out ¡°My lord we are with you. But why are we doing this?¡± Bob eyes flashed ¡°I am a hard target to kill and I also I might have bodyguards with me. Which means any unit sent to ambush me must have enough professional warriors to defeat me three to four times over. A group of assassins strong enough to ambush me have to be high level. That amount of high level assassins being killed by someone with out a class means they gain more experience than I did for killing the dragon.¡± Bob seemed to be emitting darkness as he continued. ¡°I only have a mystic sub class. It will never go over 20 even if I was to slaughter a dragon a day for the rest of my life. But someone with a mystic level class as their main class. They could go further than I ever will.¡± the very air seemed to turn heavy as Bob looked off at the distance. ¡°If there is someone out there with the chanced to get a better class then mine then they are the future. They are already trying to kill me a more powerful me. Well they will pull out all the stops. That girl who has the chance to be stronger than me is our future. Lets kill everyone who would threaten our future. Of course if we live that would be nice as well.¡± Chapter 017 Lord Icedrake was a elf lord and had nearly 400 years of experience in combat. But even so this was the first time he had seen something like this. The humans had gone insane. Icedrake looked at the reports he had gotten in. The humans had spread out and begun to look for the units of elf assassins. Once they were found the humans would surround the area and rush in ignoring casualties. Bob who should have retreated to the human lands was acting weirdly as well. He was personally leading his troops. This was a surprise to Icedrake. Bob should have been hiding among his men. Instead he was at the front making sure they were not shirking any of their responsibilities. Looking at a report that Bob had horribly tortured several of his own men who had not kept up with his other troops caused a chill to go down Icedrake back. Bob was serious otherwise he would never risk his own life to an assassins arrow. Lord Icedrake called out ¡°Get Prince Connor back in here I want to know what is going on right now.¡± A few tired and pale Prince answered Icedrakes summons. Connor looked up ¡°I have told you three times. I do not know why Bob is acting like he is. All I know is that Goodgoblin is terrified. He told me Bob once ripped off his own toe nail because he did not want to pay the few coppers for a healing potion. He said he did one toe just to see how painful it was and then pulled the other even after passing out from the pain of the first. ¡± Icedrake nodded ¡°Bob is evil I have reports of him getting drunk and slaughtering entire villages. But evil does not mean stupid he is generally cautious. Unless you look at his sisters the wrong way or is drunk of course.¡± Icedrake snarled ¡°Every report every one says the same thing. Bob will take a risk but when the odds are too far against him he will back off. The risk he took attacking our camp was justifiable. His range with his bow is great and you only had griffins which take time to take off. But his new attack it makes no sense. So we are going to go over it again and again.¡± A soldier ran in ¡°Sir its a report from the human lands there is a purge happening. Every non human in the human lands is being slaughtered. The paladins under Barney are coming as are all the human powerhouses.¡± Lord Icedrake looked at a map ¡°We attack kill Bob and then try and retreat. Tell the archer queen its time to earn her pay. Shadow rogue as well. Prince Connor you need to take a Pegasus and run we can no longer protect you. I might not know what is going on but obviously it is huge. The elf powerhouses outnumber the human powerhouses ten to one plus individually ours are stronger. Bob does not count as a powerhouse so coming out into the open whatever they are planning is huge.¡± Another messenger ran in ¡°Sir reports from the human lands. Every human powerhouse is coming its not just the paladins its the necromancer lady death plus the kings powerhouses. Also the humans are cleaning house anyone who knows anything or could know something about what is going on is being killed.¡± Lord Icedrake turned to Connor ¡°My prince you need to leave now take two Pegasus and a holding bag with some water Bob poisoned most of the water sources anywhere near a hill¡± Bob looked at the men behind him who were not happy. That did happen when you had a couple of stragglers brutally murdered to prove a point. He was not messing around. Eric the Black as Bob had named him approached on a horse looking the worst for wear. Eric greeted Bob ¡°My lord it is done everyone who knew about the incident has been sent on the front lines to attack a elf base and are dead.¡± ¡°Good because the elves will offer gold and send in kidnappers to take hostages and prisoners for interrogation. Its why I did not ask for a name. If they take me and offer to remove a red hot poker from my ass if I tell what I know. I think I would tell them anything they want to know. I am tough but I am not that tough If you stick a poker up my ass I will probably tell you anything you want to get you to remove it. You would be dead if not for the fact I think you might be the lucky person father. ¡± Bob grinned ¡°Even if your not well your sons or daughters can be married off. Ok lets get ready and remember I am the only one who knows that your the last person alive who knows who the lucky person is. So if they take me alive they will come after you next.¡± Eric looked stunned ¡°You want me to kill you if it looks like they will be capturing you alive?¡± ¡°Of course who wants a poker up the ass just look after my sisters¡± Bob''s hand shot out and grabbed a arrow. The force of the arrow pushed Bob off his horse and he flew through the air. Bob landed almost forty feet away from his horse and got up ¡°That was either a arrow from a powerhouse of someone using several powerful skills with cool downs of years.¡± Behind bob a shadow appeared on the ground and a figure leapt up. Striking Bob from behind a blade pierced threw Bob''s back and came out his front. Bob reached out and grabbed the shadowy figure before bringing it close and biting it. The figure desperately stabbed Bob and Bob''s entire left arm was cut off. Bob fell to the ground with a huge hole where his heart used to be and one arm missing For a second there was a stunned silence before Bob spat out the eye of the shadowy figure which vanished. Bob pulled out a vial with his remaining and poured it into his chest wound before waving Eric over. Bob pulled out a sewing kit and pointed at his chest before drinking yet another potion and lowering himself slowly to the ground. Eric the Black looked stunned at Bob whose heart and arm had been destroyed. He was still alive and looked furious. His heart had been cut into pieces and he had a hole in his chest and he still was able to pull out a potion and pour it into his wound. The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Then he had lowered himself to the ground before giving instructions. Eric turned to the healers who were casting spells and had pulled out a long barrel and placed Bob in it. They sealed the barrel and then began to pour healing potion into it. Eric looked at the healer Samantha ¡°How is he still alive?¡± ¡°Mythic level sub class. I knew there was a difference between legendary and Mythic but he did not even invest even a third of of five major skills into body skills.¡± Pride flooded Eric his daughter might have a mythic class in the future. A mythic main class even more powerful than Bob''s. His eyes narrowed his daughter must survive even if he and the rest of his family had to perish. She was his family hope for greatness. Briefly Eric considered killing Bob and then himself and cutting off all knowledge of where his daughter had gone but decided against it. He could always slit Bob''s throat if the elves looked like they were going to capture him and go down fighting. Eric touched the axe by his side and smiled at the healer Samantha. ¡°Get him packed away we have elves to kill.¡± Allan spoke up ¡°Wait we are not heading back with Bob?¡± ¡°No the enemy is in front of us we will kill them and then head back¡± Eric moved forward and pointed at the barrel Bob was in ¡°Bob is not dead they cut his arm off and cut a hole in his chest where his heart should be. But he is still alive you all know this because if he were dead your army status would change. Now Bob had one of us tongue cut out and buried head first in horse shit because he told him he had a right to keep wine in his water sack. If Bob did that to him for taking a little wine what is he going to do to us for not killing the elf who took off his arm and cut out his heart. You think he is going to say good job or do you think he will be angry and have all our balls cut off before throwing us into a hole with hungry rats? We all know its the balls cut off and into a hole with rats. So get out there and kill all those elves before Bob heals up and guts us alive. ¡± A feeling of contentment came over Eric. He might die but his family legacy would be assured. His eyes glowed it was time to kill the elves then goblins and then. Eric thought about it he needed to make sure that everyone who knew about his daughter''s success died. It was possible some of the soldiers had talked it was time to make sure the human casualties were high. The more humans dead the less chance anyone would know about his daughter. It was time to send his troops against the elves and then against the goblins. As there were not a lot of elves he would have to rely on the goblins Hopefully enough would be killed by the goblins Eric decided if the goblins did not kill enough he would just have to have them killed for cowardice. ¡°KILL THEM ALL¡± the humans scream could be heard for miles. Lord Icedrake knew the humans were coming for them. He looked at Shadow Rogue who was screaming on a cot as green pus came out of her eye socket. He turned to his healer ¡°I have know her for years is there anything that can be done?¡± ¡°We can cut her throat. Bob must have used a alchemy skill on his saliva. He turned it into a acid laced with some kind of bacteria. Its already in Shadow Rogue''s blood stream and it will be fatal.¡± ¡°KILL KILL KILL KILL¡± the sound of the humans baying for blood echoed out. Icedrake nodded ¡°Well better now than being ripped apart by the humans.¡± Lord Icedrake opened up his tent and saw a cloud of arrows coming for him. His elves were getting their sword dances ready to try and stop the cloud or arrows which now blotted out the sun. Lord Icedrake did not even try and block the arrows falling towards him. His last thought was that he hoped prince Connor would get away. That way his family could put the blame firmly on the coward that ran away and not on him Lord Icedrake the valiant hero who stayed and fought to the death with the humans. On a throne of sticks Goodgoblin looked at the elves death he turned to Connor ¡°Well Connor you might have chosen badly coming to me for help.¡± Connor snorted ¡°Chosen badly you think I had a choice. If I return now with the noble death of Lord Icedrake I will be blamed for everything. They will say I was a coward. I am a noble prince I will not run from any challenge. Even if the bones are ripped from my chest while I am still alive I will never back down.¡± Off in the distance the humans finished off killing the elves and quickly erected a number of poles. Goodgoblin swallowed ¡°Connor I think it might be best if you stayed put.¡± Connor looked at Goodgoblin ¡°Of course I am not going anywhere. My honour demands I assist you defeating the evil human scum. Even if they set me on fire still I will attack with all my might. For I am a elf prince and I fear nothing and nobody. Do you doubt my honour and courage?¡± ¡°Well the humans are about to start nailing people to those posts. My guess is the ones who were slow to rush at the goblins are about to have their balls chopped off and have their hands and feet nailed to the poles. Then they will more than likely jam a pole up their asses. The thing is there is no reason for Bob to do that unless he was about to launch a major assault against us goblins. In fact ¡± Goodgoblin paled ¡°In fact he might want everyone dead. I remember talking to Bob about this. Its a north man tradition. When they start a fight where they want to kill a portion of there own troops they first use those poles to get the men fired up. Nothing like the fear of having your balls crushed and a spear stuck up your backside to get you to push forward quickly.¡± General Greenskin a large warrior for a goblin grinned ¡°Ha if they want to kill their own it will make it easier for us to kill the dispirited remains¡± Goodgoblin looked at General Greenskin ¡°They are about to stick around a hundred of their own on sticks like pigs being cooked. You think they are going to back down from a fight with the fear of that behind them. They are going to fear being tortured by their own than death from our arrows. ¡± Goodgoblin pointed at the humans ¡°10 000 maniacs are about to rush our lines with no fear in their hearts from us. The stories I heard say that even if you hack off their hands they will still try and bite you to death. We have a few weak defences but they will not be enough and the enemy general actually wants both sides to die. They will not accept our surrender. You understand? They want everyone to die us included. We can win time for our people by standing here and being trampled upon. But in the end our defences were only meant to increase the price of their victory. Their was never a chance of us wining.¡± Greenskin paled ¡°They are going to kill us all.¡± Connor tried to make a run for it but Goodgoblin waved his hand and several crossbows were pointed at him. Goodgoblin smiled ¡°So even if they set you on fire you will fight to the last. Your a honourable elf and soon you will be given the chance to prove it. Greenskin to have any chance of survival we need to kill the humans who are sent in first. They are the ones Bob wants dead the most. If the second line holds and all the humans Bob wants dead the most are gone he might not push things. Of course he might also unleash a death wave¡±Everyone except Goodgoblin almost fainted in fright. A death wave where the undead were unleashed in such numbers that they began to evolve. Goodgoblin looked at the goblins Connor had paid ¡°You understand now Bob is angry. He is going to slaughter his own troops and he has castles to fall back on. Why would a angry Bob not unleash a death wave? So do you want Connor''s gold or do you want your lives? Its time for you to prove your courage prince. If I am right and Bob wants us and his own troops dead then he will send the ones he wants dead after you first. If he does not he will personally deal with you.¡± Connor glared at Goodgoblin ¡°Icedrake sent rogue and another top powerhouse to kill Bob he might be dead.¡± Goodgoblin pointed at the humans who were being nailed to the sticks. ¡°So what they are just nailing their friends to sticks because they feel like it? Someone is making them do it does it matter to you if its Bob or one of his lieutenants who kills you? Your still dead. Of course something might still happen. By some miracle you might survive but that is not going to happen if you stay here because I will slit your throat myself¡± Chapter 018 Stopping a undead tide A female elf dressed in a white robe with a massive green dragon as well as several hooded figures looked down on the battlefield. Several dozen figures were standing in mid air had they been visible those on the ground would have thought them gods or illusions. The elf spoke up ¡°The humans are gathering over a 1000 undead orc''s and there is a army of goblin they are just about to kill. Do we need to wait for the necromancers to show up? Its obvious the humans are preparing a undead tide.¡± One of the hooded figures cloak disappeared and revealed a human paladin of light whose face was hidden by a blinding light. The paladin spoke out ¡°Surely you do not think Bob or one of his lieutenants would be foolish enough to unleash a undead tide? ¡± The dragon snorted ¡°Give it up Barney we know its you. We also know that your actually hiding necromancers and some demon summoners. If I was not afraid of Bob then I would have cleansed that entire army myself.¡± The elf looked at the dragon ¡°Why would you be afraid of Bob?¡± ¡°What he did to the last dragon that crossed him is the stuff of nightmares.¡± The elf looked around and the hooded figures took a step backwards finally one of them spoke up ¡°That was just a story right? No one would or could actually do that. I mean that has to just be a story people tell when they are drunk.¡± The dragon starred at Barney who removed the light from his face. Barney snorted ¡°There might be a little truth to it.¡± Flame belched from the dragons mouth. ¡°Alright so bob might be so crazy and violent even some demons are a bit scared of him.¡± The dragon snorted ¡°Alright he is so scary when he entered a dark temple the demons sent to temp people ran away. Several dozen succubus''s apparently decided they wanted to turn chaste and become angels. Some of the berserker demons might have destroyed their own souls afterwards.¡± Flame came from the dragons mouth. The elf spoke up¡°Enough are we children he is distracting us.¡± Barney grinned ¡°Do I have to? The human powerhouses are behind me all of them. From the kings powerhouses to my own warriors even the necromancers have agreed to side with me.¡± The elf pointed at Barney ¡°He admits it he admits it. The humans are planing on releasing a death tide.¡± A smile appeared on Barney''s face. ¡°I do not have much use for politics but I learned something interesting. If others can use tricks against you why do you not use the same tricks on them. All the human powerhouses are on my side. Which means that I can cut off the dwarf supply of vegetables. I can have the human lords boycott elf wine. Bob mentioned something about rivers diverting them and well lets just say he wants us to remove the disposal pits for human waste.¡± The Elf laughed ¡° The shield of righteous protects me and will protect my champion. I will pay triple for your assistance Dragon I have centuries of accumulated wealth behind me ¡±This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Flame belched from the dragons mouth but it said nothing until finally it cursed ¡°I am not doing it I am not going near Bob. No increase in my hoard is worth risking that. ¡± ¡°Ten times twenty if you drive off the humans you do not even have to kill them all¡± Barney spoke up ¡°I will do it for five times I can get the whole army to retreat for twice what you usually pay him¡± The elf turned red ¡°Twenty five times and all you have to do is kill the first row of humans.¡± Barney winked at the dragon who roared ¡°Fine¡± In the sky a dragon appeared roared and fell towards the front row of humans. In a instant the entire row of humans had turned into torches. The dragon flew into the air and vanished leaving a stunned army below. The humans quickly regrouped and advanced crushing the bones of their fallen fellow soldiers. In the sky above a elf cursed as she watched the humans ruthlessly cut down the goblins who began to flee without putting up much of a fight. The elf looked at the dragon who looked at Barney who was smiling. The dragon actually looked paled and turned to everyone ¡° Well I will be off then.¡± Barney grinned ¡°Not so fast as a human paladin I have to question you on my honour as a knight I swear my questions which I will need a month to prepare will be fair and impartial.¡± The dragons eyes bulged ¡°Wait what?¡± ¡°The agreement is plain as the representative of the humans that is my right. You can check my papers.¡± Barney pulled out a scroll with tears and blood on it and smiled ¡°The king was less than happy to sign this but in the end the giant blood stained butcher we sent to convince him got out point across. ¡± Barney smiled ¡°Of course Bob is a HA HAHAH ¡± Barney bust into laughter ¡°He is HA HAHAHAH A decent and HAHAHAH humane. Sorry I what I mean to say is Bob will HAHAHAH not do anything HAHAHA¡± Barney stopped and laughed for a while ¡°Ok sorry I just could not read speech Bob is a good and kind HaHAHAHAHAHa good and kind HAHAHA.¡± Barney wiped a tear from his face ¡°Alright lets do this officially you dragon have breeched the treaty all the powerhouses agree to so when Bob recovered you must show up. Sorry you are bound by the terms of the undead proliferation treaty and summoned to appear in front of those you have charged with the dread crime of trying to start a undead wave. ¡± Barney tried not to laugh ¡°Sorry Its just this speech had me describing Bob as a good and kind person. What kind of idiot would believe that? I would like to apologise but Bob will be really angry if I do not ask do you want to give me the payment the elf promised you? Or when Bob is better do you want to show up and tell him your name and give evidence that you suspected he was trying to raise a undead tide¡± The elf snorted ¡°He does not have to give his name.¡± ¡°By law 6.2 ¡± The elf looked stunned ¡°That I mean that law was never suppose to be used by you humans¡± ¡°Well I hate lawyers but as a you know¡± Barney stopped talking and then looked at the dragon ¡° Pay up or face Bob when he re grows his heart¡± Barney pulled out a crystal which projected the image of Bob being ambushed and biting his attackers eye out before sitting down with no heart. Barney looked at the dragon ¡°Bob is a ass hole who lets face it just took a knife to the heart. They literally cut out his heart and that did not kill him. The I would say psychopath but that would be giving psychopath a bad name. Bob is angry not because they tried to kill him but because he will not be there to kill anyone who steals from him. Now pay up and hope Bob does not bother you by ramming a anchor up your ass and then pulling it out. Or be a hero and do not pay I am sure Bob will let you helping out his enemies just go. Its not like he ever killed a dragon for taking a shit on the wrong hill. Or slaughtered a entire village because the local lord looked at his sister the wrong way. No Bob sorry I can not laugh any more so I will not say Bob is a good person. But luckily for you he is a greedy one¡± The dragon snorted flame ¡°Halve I will give you halve¡± Barney tapped the image of the and it showed Bob ripping out the elf assassin eyeball with his teeth. ¡°A dark night just you and him in your cave. Do you really want to risk it?¡± The dragon snorted but nodded. Barney smiled ¡°Well as a show of good faith I will have the human troops pulled back. You can send in your inspectors whenever you want.¡± Chapter 019 Epilogue Epilogue Bob book 1 Barney looked at the huge casket that was being lowered into the crypt. Bob suspended in a barrel of healing potions was being lowered into the ground. Eric now called the Black watched with a few others. Barney called out ¡°All bow before the king.¡± The few nobles did and they all headed to a local hall to get the deals done. The hall was dark and stark. On the walls some torches were lit casting shadows. The lack of windows and single entrance showed that this was a room in a fortress. Barney sat in the plain and crudely made chair before looking around at the other few others joining him. Barney nodded and began ¡°So Bob becoming king is a bit of a shock to most of us. The old king is apparently resting in a lovely villa.¡± The 8 nobles looked at Barney with fear in their eyes. Resting in a villa who would believe that more than likely the king was either dead or in a dungeon being tortured for information. A smile appeared on Barney''s face ¡°Now we are all men of the world. 7 years is the fastest Bob will be able to re grow his heart. Which means you all have 5 years of almost no taxes. You get a years notice and I have sworn this on my honour and with a magically binding oath. So lets not lie to one another Every copper you have to pay in taxes will be invested in the local orphanages. Eric the Black will run them and if any of you actually care you can send observers to make sure your gold is being well spent. Any questions?¡±The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. One of the female nobles by the name of Katherine spoke out ¡°Yes I have a question how are you so certain that the powerhouses you have somehow convince to join you will not see sense? They could kill all those they view as having betrayed the king.¡± Barney smiled ¡°A bit late for questions especially that one. All the human powerhouses sided with me and they all every last one of them will kill anyone who crosses certain lines. Now I am not saying that Bob being king when he wakes up is one of those lines. But for the next six months to a year none of you had better send any spies anywhere in the human lands on pain of death.¡± Jonathan the oldest noble looked around and at Barney ¡°Well I for one like the extra years Bob has brought to me. You look younger every day. The extra years I have been given are nice but I need to know if there are any rules that I do not know about that could get me and my family butchered? ¡± Barney shrugged ¡°I can not tell you most of us powerhouses do not know either. Just know this keep your head down do not ask any questions and I am working with the necromancers and even dark paladins and death cultists.¡± Jonathan starred at Barney. ¡°You would rather cut out your own tongue than take a drink from a dark paladin what could be so important you would ally with one of them?¡± ¡°Ally with them and worse¡± Three figures appeared from the darkness. The leader pulled down his hood to show a hansom face with red eyes and when he smiled his teeth were fangs. Jonathan looked at Barney ¡°Vampires you are working for the undead? That is Jackson a vampire lord¡± Jackson smirked ¡°He is not working for us we were ordered to help him on pain of death.¡± Barney nodded ¡°Like I said it was too late to back out even before we made you offers of power. Your only choice is death or service. This is not a bad thing for the human race we are all pushing in the same direction. What do you think Jonathan?¡± ¡°I think I am a greedy old man and given the power you seem to wield I will of course follow you. For as long as you have that power of course.¡±