ã€ŠMagic for Cowardsã€‹


 Wet Dog

    Baron felt very uncomfortable stuffed in his cluttered office with this large, weird, intense man.

    The office felt so small with this guy in it. It had seemed a perfectly reasonable size just minutes before.

    The visitor had introduced himself as a monk, but in the stress of the unexpected visit Baron had missed the specifics. Judging by his thick wrap around robe and wooden beads Baron thought he might be a buddhist of some kind, but what did he know about monks? Were buddhist monks this big? They didn¡¯t usually have big red beards did they? Why was he so bulky? Maybe he was one of those Kung Fu monks. Was that a real thing? Were there big ginger kung fu monks in Sydney?

    He felt a little embarrassed at how shabby his office looked. He was aware that the photo on their website showed a much more professional workspace. That photo was taken from the real estate website they used when they rented it. It didn¡¯t show the treasures and filth that his small company had accumulated in the two years since signing the lease. The polished wooden floor, so full of potential when they moved in, was now populated with two rancid smelling couches, a detached door on trestle legs acting as a desk, piles of unidentifiable electronic equipment connected by multiple snaking cables, boxes and boxes of video cameras, dusty monitors, and too many take away boxes and dirty dishes.

    Why had this guy come into the office? Why did everyone else have to be late on the one day a potential client comes in? No one ever visits the office. Baron smiled at the large monk, whose name he had already forgotten. The monk stared at him impassively. He resisted the temptation to fire off another text telling his two absent colleagues to ¡®OFFICE NOW!¡¯ and wondered if the monk had noticed the wet dog stank the office had developed over the years, despite the absence of a dog.

    The uncomfortably silent sitting had gone on too long and Baron was losing the fight with his urge to babble to fill in the space.

    ¡®So Mr, uh, Mr. You realise we don¡¯t do magic security as in we use magic to do security right? We do security against magical stuff.¡¯

    The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

    Baron suddenly remembered he had been yelled at for saying this to clients before.

    ¡®I mean we do use magic of course, like real cool proprietary stuff. It¡¯s very clever and secret. But like we mainly use all the computers and cameras and stuff. That is, we use all the computers and stuff to do security against magic. That stuff¡¯ He waved vaguely at the big pile of stuff.

    This was awful.

    What if he asked him what the stuff did? Baron didn¡¯t know. He was in charge of social media.

    There was something fully off about this guy. Even ignoring his whole weird muscle monk thing, it was odd how he was so calm but radiated a weird kind of nervous energy, full of chaos just below the skin.

    The monk spoke.

    ¡®Yes, this is why I¡¯m here.¡¯

    He sounded maybe ¡­ Scottish?

    With a loud bang the other two thirds of Baron¡¯s company kicked open the door and tumbled into the room, their arms loaded with pastries and coffee.

    ¡®Thank God,¡¯ Baron said, accidentally out loud.

    Carrying the pastries was Thomas, a small man with a tangle of thick unwashed curls. Holding the coffee was Amy, a large woman, also with thick curls, but washed.

    ¡®Who¡¯s this guy?¡¯ said Amy, like a true professional.

    ¡®Good morning.¡¯ the monk said. ¡®I am Gregor. I am a brother at the monastery of Saint Enos.¡¯

    Gregor! Baron made an effort to remember his name. Gregor, the monk. Baron looked at Amy, hoping she would take charge of the whole awkward situation. But Amy did not look like she was about to take charge.  Despite apparently not knowing who the big monk was, Amy looked increasingly like she desperately wanted to be as far away from him as possible.

    She opened her mouth, then paused, mouth still open. She backed away, hands on her stomach, her face suddenly very white. The monk sat passively, as he had for the whole time since he entered the office.  Amy stepped back, closed her mouth and looked around as if startled. She grimaced.

    She looked physically ill, clammy, pale. She looked scared. Amy opened her mouth again.

    ¡®No thank you.¡¯

 Chicken Magic

    Three weeks ago, at five am in the morning, in the atrium of a small shopping centre, Amy had been in charge. She had been on her hands and knees taping extension cords to a wall so they would be exposed to the cameras. Cameras were very important in her line of work. Thomas¡¯ voice barked out of the three way conference call she had open between them all.

    ¡®Amy, I¡¯m on camera three, but there are no VGA inputs, only HDMI ones¡¯.

    Amy frowned and picked up the phone.

    ¡®Why do you need HDMI inputs?¡¯

    ¡®I don¡¯t know, it¡¯s what you wrote down on the plan!¡¯

    ¡®What box number is it?¡¯

    ¡®Three.¡¯

    ¡®Three? Nothing with a VGA cable goes into three. You have the wrong note or the wrong camera.¡¯

    ¡®The camera says three! The plan says three! Or I think it¡¯s three, your handwriting is horrible. Or is it this one the plan for three ¡­ the number looks like a bear trying on a little hat.¡¯

    ¡®Bloody hell Thomas! Just find the camera that has HDMI cables on it and do that one!¡¯

    Amy thought for a minute. ¡®The bear with a hat is a four.¡¯

    This job was significant, and would lead directly to the monk, but they had no way to know that at the time. This was the job Amy, Baron, and Thomas would completely botch, then through pure luck and bald face lying turn into a business defining victory.

    Like all EMPS (Elite Magical Protection Services) jobs, this was a last minute gig in line with their informal motto ¡®Not who you wanted, but who was available¡¯. A small shopping mall on the outskirts of Sydney was hosting an exhibition of paintings honouring a recently deceased local artist. Their insurance required proof of security against theft, including magically assisted theft. The day before the exhibition was scheduled to open the mall management discovered no one had managed to organise that security, and at such late notice EMPS had been the only company available. The EMPS business model relied heavily on this exact type of incompetence.  Amy continued taping up the power cords, continuously referring to her laptop to double check they would be in view of all the cameras. Cameras were the key. Cameras were the single most important piece of technology for effective security against magic. We¡¯ll get to that later.

    No one actually expected a theft. Although valuable, the painter and paintings were not widely known outside of Sydney art circles. The mall considered the locked reinforced glass cabinet the painting was displayed in already too much security, but their insurance company had insisted on a security team. In this case the insurance company had been correct to insist on security, because although the paintings were of little interest to the general public, and of only marginal interest even within the art world, they were of immense interest to the artist¡¯s siblings who had lost ownership of the paintings in a bitterly fought inheritance battle. More accurately, spitting on the deceased artist''s widow was of immense interest. The whole affair was made up of unpleasant people being deeply unpleasant to each other. And in the latest round of increasingly escalating unpleasantness, the artist¡¯s siblings had decided to take the paintings back.

    This was why as Amy, Baron, and Thomas scuttled around the inside of the shopping centre setting up their cameras, a very thin and grizzled magician in skinny jeans, a Pantera t-shirt, and a denim jacket paced around the outside muttering to himself, counting his steps, and consulting various scraps of paper kept in multiple denim pockets. Illicit activities for unpleasant people require equally unpleasant black market magicians. High end criminal endeavours might use the services of a legitimate magician with expensive habits to maintain, but most street level crime magic is performed by disgraced magicians who have failed to escape the consequences of their vices and now eek out just enough to keep those vices active by providing unreliable magic to unreliable patrons.

    Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

    Janik was one of these former magicians. A tragic relationship with alcohol and an inability to get on top of his rage kept him at the margins of both criminal and magical society. However, although a train wreck of a person, Janik was a very competent and surprisingly professional magic user. A combination of vanity in his abilities and fear of running out of income meant that when required Janik was able to sober up, turn up, and get the job done.

    That night though, the ¡®sober up¡¯ part of that equation was causing him issues. His hands were shaking as he tucked his lank hair behind his ear. Seeing himself in the mirror with sober eyes for the first time in weeks had shaken his confidence. He was disturbed by his gaunt frame, sunken cheeks, and ringed eyes. He desperately wanted to get another drink in him, but knew he needed to get this right before he could allow that to happen. It wasn¡¯t failing to generate a magic spark that would trip him up if he drank, it was all the other nonsense. Again, we¡¯ll get to that.

    He referred to a calculation scribbled on the back of a crumpled debt notice and resumed counting his steps. Every 20 steps he reached into his jacket pocket and took out a pinch of dirt that he sprinkled on the ground. He did this till he had completely surrounded the mall, leaving little mounds of dirt all over the car park. He then walked around the building and turned on every tap he found, three in total. He took off his shoes, a pair of worn old winklepickers, and faced one towards the first tap, and the other towards the last tap. He then walked in his socks around the building again and turned all the taps off. He didn¡¯t put his shoes back on, he knew it was unlikely he would get them back. For some reason a lot of these preparations required sacrificing shoes.

    As he walked back around to the front of the building Janik saw the artist¡¯s brother and sister at the back of the car park, both in their 70s and wearing the disgruntled look people put on for local newspaper photos. They were leaning against an old station wagon and giving him the look people always gave him at this stage of the process. A look of utter bafflement.

    The artist¡¯s brother waved him over and Janik crossed the car park.

    ¡®Is all this really required?¡¯ the brother asked.

    Janik looked him in the eye and weighed up how much to tell him.

    He landed on ¡®It¡¯ll get weirder.¡¯

    The brother had no response but looked to his sister, they were clearly having doubts about the legitimacy of Janik¡¯s performance. In Janik¡¯s experience most people did at this point, but they were in too deep to pull out now so he carried on with his preparations. And he wasn¡¯t kidding. It was going to get weirder. He pulled out a small book from his inside pocket, purchased only for its ability to fit in that pocket. It was a cyclist''s map of Belfast. He opened it up, spat in it, closed it, and handed it to the brother.

    ¡®Put this in the glovebox of your car.¡¯

    The brother took it with a look of utter incredulousness. ¡®Why can¡¯t you put it in your car?¡¯

    Janik motioned to an old ten speed bike chained to a pole at the edge of the car park. ¡®I don¡¯t have a car.¡¯

    The sister nudged her brother in the ribs. ¡®What the hell Ian?¡¯

    ¡®This guys is all I have!¡¯ said Ian.

    Janik ignored the implied insult. ¡®Just put it in the car, Ian.¡¯

    Ian shot his sister a dark look and got into the car, putting the book in the glove box.

    ¡®Now turn the lights on,¡¯ Janik ordered.

    Ian rolled his eyes but did as he was told, and the front entrance of the mall lit up.

    ¡®Good,¡¯ said Janik, ¡®Now the chicken please.¡¯

    Ian got out of the car, now holding a box.

    ¡®Are you sure you don¡¯t need an actual chicken?¡¯ Ian asked.

    Janik opened the box, and found the brand of fried chicken he had asked for.

    ¡®This had better be for magic,¡¯ Ian said.

    ¡®It is.¡¯ Janik assured him. ¡®But I might have a bit later if there¡¯s any left.¡¯

    Janik took the chicken and walked halfway between the mall entrance and the car. He opened the box and poured the chicken (and chips and gravy) on the ground. The instructions for this bit of magic actually specified killing a chicken on the spot, but Janik knew that actually any old dead bird worked, and he had no appetite for chicken murder this early in the morning. Janik looked at the chicken and chips spread across the car park. Even to him, this all felt ridiculous. But this is the kind of pedantic, annoying, nonsense required to do magic. Let¡¯s get into all that.

 Annoying and Weird

    There are a couple of things it is important to know about magic.

    First, nobody understands how magic works. People know how to use it (some more than others), but even the most experienced magician has no idea why the things they do result in the magic it does.

    The basic method for using magic is simple. You set up the conditions, you ignite the magic. Igniting the magic requires someone with magical potential summoning magical energy, mentally containing it, then releasing it with enough force for it to affect the physical world. In practice this consists of a lot of huffing and grunting, squinting and grimacing, squinting eyes and clenching fists. Only the magical practitioner knows how much of this is theatre and how much is genuine effort. When the magic is released there is no sound, no light, no smell. Even if the release of magical energy has an enormous impact on the physical world, there is no indication other than the resulting change and theatrical yelps and huffs of the magician that anything has happened.

    Very few people can muster a magical spark, even if they have some magical potential. About a quarter of the world¡¯s population is magically sensitive, that is they can sense when magic is in effect. Only a slither of those are able to extend that sensitivity to summon magical energy and create a spark. If you can ignite a magic spark you have a clear and well trodden path to status and wealth, with only your own ineptitude standing in your way (as was the case with our car park magician).

    Amy was magically sensitive. But she was no ¡®magician¡¯. Being around magic unsettled her, it gave her a sense of something gone wrong, of a relationship damaged, of a small undefinable loss. She could not, and did not want to, create a magical spark. And denying other people the ability to make a spark was a source of great personal satisfaction and an almost successful business.

    When in the business of preventing magic, disrupting the spark, or rather disrupting the magician so they couldn¡¯t create a spark has not historically been very effective. It typically required very physical interventions that were just as likely to incapacitate the security team as they were the magician.

    A much easier approach was to disrupt the first part of a magical event, the conditions. The conditions! The stupidest part of magic.

    If creating a spark represented everything heroic and romantic about magic, setting the conditions represented everything that was annoying and weird about it. Everything from the humidity of the air, to the amount of paper in the room when the magic is ignited, to the intent of the people nearest the magician at the point of ignition might affect what would happen when the spark was ignited. And if the conditions weren¡¯t perfect the thing that would happen would be nothing. Because everything had to be just so to create any kind of magical effect at all, let alone a useful one.

    A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

    The baffling and annoying thing about conditions is no one had any idea how they worked.

    No one knew what magic was.

    No one knew why some people could sense and sometimes create magical energy.

    No one knew why some arrangement of seemingly unrelated conditions at the time of magical ignition caused a magical effect.

    They just knew that it did. Well, they sort of knew that it did. Because although the conditions were the most annoying part of magic, they weren¡¯t the weirdest. People had learnt over time what arrangement of conditions caused what magic. Through trial and error people learnt what combination of magical energy and specific conditions would produce repeatable and consistent effects. But no one had ever been able to identify any underlying patterns. There were no consistent or identifiable combinations that ever led to an understanding of why a pile of dirt and discarded shoe would knock out every alarm in a 1km radius. Removing or adding an item did not lead to a similar but different effect. It just collapse the whole thing and created the effect that magic without the correct conditions always created, a big fat nothing.

    Sensing, creating and sparking magic had identifiable patterns that could be used to build specific theories about the nature of magic, even if those theories could not be conclusively proven. But conditions gave scientists nothing. They seemed utterly random, as if someone was playing a joke on us and mocking our abilities to understand the structure of the world. They suggested that at its grandest level the universe might be mysterious and unexplainable. Contemplating conditions was humbling. It was also very irritating. It led to scientists wasting life times trying to unpick a possibly unpickable mystery and it led to otherwise sensible (if deeply flawed) magicians pouring fried chicken onto car parks and spitting in tourist guides.

    Amy continued to argue with Thomas as she checked her hand drawn plans. They showed the arrangement of cameras that would cover the small exhibition area. Three cameras pointed at the painting, and each other. Six cameras pointed at the other three cameras, and each other. Every camera was being captured by at least two other cameras. Some cameras didn¡¯t capture the exhibition at all. If you didn¡¯t understand how magic worked, the whole thing would seem baffling. A room full of cameras, all pointed at each other, most ignoring the objects of value they were supposed to be monitoring.

    Which is why there is one more weird thing that needs to be understood about magic.

 The Second Weird Thing About Magic

    Magic only works if no one is looking; like a superposition collapsing when observed, or a shy child who will only sing wearing a mask. The effects of magic can be easily observed. A thing is suddenly a different thing, or the same thing but smaller. A fruit placed in a box is a different colour when removed. A pimple disappears. A heart stops, or a plane drops out of the sky. This one wrinkle in the physics of magic makes it infuriatingly difficult to achieve. A magic user cannot look at the thing they are performing magic on. No one can look at the thing. You can¡¯t even look at it indirectly, look at the shadow or its reflection, or record it to watch later. For some reason, that no one has even been able to identify, if any human is observing the target of a magic effect, or even recording it so that it could be watched by a human, nothing happens. Magic, it turns out, is shy.

    For people with no magic potential this often leads to the suspicion that the whole thing is a scam. Which is made worse by the fact that it sometimes is. But by and large magic is consistent and common enough that it is accepted that magical effects exist, not by everyone, but by enough people to make it a reliable (and monetizable) way of getting things done. Its applications range from skin care to inducing organ failure. The more complex the effect, the more ridiculous the conditions. The larger the effect the more powerful the required spark. But the most thorough and complex conditions, combined with the most powerful spark, do nothing if someone peeks.

    One positive aspect of the shy nature of magic is that it makes it trivial to interrupt magic that is being used for nefarious purposes. It is trivially easy to defend oneself against a magic attack, so whereas mundane uses of magic are common and widespread, theft, espionage and murder are relatively rare. If you want to stop someone using magic to steal your jewels, look at them. Or even better pay someone else to look at them. If you want to stop someone stealing secrets from your computer, look at it. If you want to stop someone murdering you, go to a party or look in a mirror. For this reason, as long as there has been magic, there have been businesses dedicated to providing people to look at things. The barrier to entry is very low.The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

    And now of course there are cameras. Cameras everywhere, pointing at everything. Cameras pointed at other cameras, in case someone tries to use magic to disrupt either of the cameras. If you have two cameras you have a first line of almost impenetrable defence against the most powerful magic that might be pointed at your valued possessions, family, or in our case, a mixed media painting of an elderly woman on a brown shape that might be a horse. The more cameras you have, the more lines of defence you have. You don¡¯t even need to be magic. Even an idiot can point a camera at another camera. Any organised and methodical idiot can create checklists and processes to make sure those cameras don¡¯t run out of batteries, or memory, or tape, or fall off their tripods.

    It¡¯s the accessibility of this business to methodical idiots that led to Baron, Amy, and Thomas setting up multiple cameras, checking them with multiple checklists, then setting up further redundancies with other cameras (with accompanying checklists), in order to stake their claim to the easy money available in the magic security business. It¡¯s a difficult business to fail at, but as they were about to prove, not impossible.

 Several Things Happen

    At this point several things happened, only one of which mattered.

    Janik decided the conditions were as good as they were going to get, and prepared to ignite his spark. ¡®As good as they were going to get¡¯ was a little short of the usual rigour you would expect for setting magic conditions but Janik was tired and thirsty. This was why Janik, for all his abilities, preferred petty crime. Large scale crime involved being organised and sober for large periods of time, carried high levels of risk, and was overall just a massive hassle. This job suited Janik because it had a favourable stress to reward ratio. As a student of petty crime, Janik knew it usually came with predictable levels of security. Premium crime involved navigating premium security, which had a hierarchy of efforts to deter both magical and non magical attempts at criminal activity. At the top of this hierarchy was magic. In the middle were ¡®set and forget¡¯ cameras and alarms. At the bottom, the least effective but most expensive part of a security effort, people. People standing around looking at things. People paid to stare at valuable objects to make sure there was no magic or any other kind of criminal shenanigans. This was too many layers for Janik, he preferred the type of crime where the rewards were so negligible that no one actually expected anyone to steal anything. The kind of crime that people were unlikely to predict because it was motivated by the most unpredictable of elements, emotion. In this case, spite. For this type of crime any security was always of the most half hearted kind, a few alarms and a low rent effort from a ¡®security firm¡¯ whose only qualification was that they owned a lot of cameras.

    At the same time Amy and her crew were still going through their final checklist for their many cameras.

    ¡®Protected item primary camera charged, plugged and connected?¡¯ said Amy, who was the only person in the company who understood the importance of checklists.

    ¡®Check,¡¯ replied Baron.

    ¡®Primary camera¡¯s camera, charged, plugged and connected?¡¯

    ¡®Check,¡¯ replied Baron.

    ¡®Secondary camera charged, plugged and connected?¡¯

    ¡®Check,¡¯ replied Baron.

    ¡®Secondary camera¡¯s camera charged, plugged and connected?¡¯

    ¡®Check¡¯.

    Amy looked down at two cameras in a pile at her feet. ¡®What are these?¡¯

    Baron and Thomas peered down at the cameras. ¡®Cameras,¡¯ offered Baron.

    ¡®I mean, yes they¡¯re cameras, but why are there cameras here? Did you bring extra cameras?¡¯

    ¡®Um, no ¡­¡¯ said Baron. He took a longer look at the cameras. ¡®Oh, these are the primary and secondary cameras.¡¯

    Amy took a moment to process the words Baron was making and to try and put them together in a way that avoided the stupidity they suggested. She opened her mouth and gaped a little trying to figure out how to reply. She settled on ¡®what?¡¯

    ¡®Looks like we forgot to install the camera¡¯s pointing at the painting. There are a lot of cameras, it¡¯s very confusing,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®It¡¯s your ONLY job!¡¯ yelled Amy.

    ¡®Actually I¡¯m in charge of social media,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®Oh my God! You said check! I said ¡°Protected item primary camera charged, plugged and connected¡± and you said check!¡¯.

    ¡®That¡¯s what you¡¯re supposed to say when someone reads something from the checklist!¡¯

    ¡®No you¡¯re supposed to check, then say check, after you¡¯ve actually checked! THAT¡¯S WHY IT¡¯S CALLED A CHECKLIST!¡¯

    ¡®There are a lot of cameras, it¡¯s very confusing,¡¯ Thomas observed.

    ¡®So there are no cameras pointing at the painting?¡¯ clarified Amy.

    ¡®Guess not,¡¯ Baron responded.

    ¡®And we are all here,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Oh yeah ¡­¡¯ responded Thomas.If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.

    ¡®So there is no person, or camera, observing the painting,¡¯ observed Amy.

    ¡®Oh yeah ¡­¡¯ responded Thomas.

    There was a beat, then Amy and Thomas spun on their heels and scrambled from the room heading towards the atrium. After a moment Amy reappeared, grabbed an armful of cameras, and resumed scrambling. Baron wandered after them.

    In the carpark Janik unleashed his first spark. This set off two fairly common petty crime magical effects, one disabling the alarms, and another the door locks. It was a lazy spell and would only work on the most budget of locks and alarm systems, but in this case Janik had guessed the cheapness of the gallery correctly and the doors unlocked and the alarms went dead. Janik then turned his attention to the next stage of his plan, checking the arrangement of his fried chicken on the ground. This time he had something up his sleeve that was genuinely clever. Again, although he was a mess of a human, Janik was a somewhat effective and clever magician who, through bumbling a previous magic effect, had recently discovered a new one.

    This was pretty much how all new effects were discovered. Although a lot of effort went into a systematic exploration of conditions and sparks these efforts rarely produced anything of consequence. Most new effects were discovered through mishaps, often by less experienced and competent magic users who only sometimes survived, and only sometimes were able to isolate the botched condition that caused the new magical outcome.

    The particular effect Janik had discovered bent light. Once Janik figured out what was happening with his new ¡®trick¡¯ he immediately realised its potential. Janik planned to use this new effect to bend the light that would bounce off the painting before it went into the lens of the camera. As long as he could apply the effect to the light before it entered the camera view, it should work, robbing the camera of light and creating an unobserved area where Janik could do whatever magic he wanted. From there it would be trivial for him to set a condition and ignite a spark to unlock the painting''s cabinet. This was a serious bit of magic for such a small potatoes crime and honestly he could have just smashed the cabinet, but he wanted to test run his new trick.

    Any trick to disable cameras was a gift. These tricks generally had a short shelf life before someone figured out how to counter them, but if this worked then in that window Janik would be able to sell the secret to any number of criminals. And if it didn¡¯t then smashing stuff would have to suffice. Janik re-checked the arrangement of his fried chicken and walked through the mall''s front doors.

    In the mall Thomas and Amy burst into the atrium, followed by Baron. Amy dumped the cameras she was carrying onto a pile of assorted tech and started rummaging around for a tripod.

    ¡®What if someone sees us? We were supposed to have finished hours ago,¡¯ Thomas said, anxiety evident in his voice.

    ¡®Well thanks to you there¡¯s no bloody cameras working in here is there? So I guess no one will know,¡¯ responded Amy, pulling a tripod out of the pile of gear and setting up to face the painting.

    Very suddenly, a feeling of unease started to bubble up in her gut. It took her a moment to identify what was happening to her.

    ¡®Some asshole is trying to do magic.¡¯

    Just outside the atrium Janik released his second spark. In other circumstances the trick would have worked and light would have bent away from the cameras leaving the room exposed. Except in this case there was a room full of people standing in front of a pile of cameras looking directly at him. Janik ran into the atrium and immediately realised that he had made a massive miscalculation. The mall had paid for security, top shelf security. Somehow in the few seconds between his spark and his entrance they had managed to get into the atrium and get eyes on the painting collapsing the conditions he needed for his next step. Now they stood in a group, cameras already in hand, looking directly at him.

    One of the security guards yelped. ¡®This isn¡¯t what it looks like! We¡¯re ready! It¡¯s all good! Look, the painting¡¯s still there!¡¯

    This seemed odd. ¡®This isn''t what it looks like¡¯ wasn¡¯t a typical challenge from a guard. Shouldn¡¯t he be yelping that? He needed this money but it looked like his new chicken/light trick hadn¡¯t worked. This whole job suddenly looked a lot more complicated than he had been expecting. Janik quickly assessed the situation before him and decided that the defining feature of this scene was that it was stupid and confusing. He thought about smashing the cabinet the old fashioned way, but quickly abandoned the notion.This particular caper was a loss.

    With a sinking heart he yelled ¡®Gaaaaah!¡¯, gave the Elite Magical Protection Services crew the fingers, then sprinted out the door. It never even occurred to Amy, Thomas, or Baron to give chase.

    In the carpark the siblings saw Janik sprint out of the building, through his fried chicken pile, past his locked bike, and into the dark streets leading away from the mall. As he stomped over his little piles of dirt his previous spells collapsed and the alarm kicked into life emitting a high pitched wail. Correctly interpreting the nature of Jannik¡¯s exit they also made themselves scarce.

    In the Atrium the security team looked at each other in silence for a minute trying to piece together what had happened.

    ¡®I think we just foiled a robbery!¡¯ Thomas said.

    ¡®Hell yeah we did!¡¯ Baron yelled.

    The sun started to peek over the trees lining the car park then spilled onto the floor of the Atrium. It was getting hot, Amy was already sweating and her generally accurate gut ached in a way that told her this wasn¡¯t the victory the boys seemed to think it was. She looked at tech scattered across the Atrium. They hadn¡¯t managed to finish connecting a single camera.

    ¡®We are going to need a real solid story to explain why nothing is on any of these cameras,¡¯ Amy said.

    Much later, when Amy was reflecting on how they got into the mess that was soon to follow, she realised that this was the thing that mattered. Her immediate instinct to try and lie her way out of the situation, a strategy which had worked for her so many times in the past, would lead directly to the exponentially escalating mountain of bullshit that was about to follow.

 Cool and Secret and Not a Lie

    By the time the sun came up the mall manager had arrived and was expressing scepticism at the version of events presented by the security team. This scepticism was well placed as the team had been unable to agree on what they were going to say, leaving Amy to produce a vague retelling on the spot, delicately skipping over anything that would reveal their overall incompetence.

    The mall manager was polite but clearly not convinced. ¡®You have to understand that there is no evidence at all that any type of theft was attempted, you have nine cameras here but not a single frame to back up your claims.¡¯

    She didn¡¯t seem vindictive. Her manner was reasonable. She was well groomed, middle aged, and came across as very sharp. She was clearly over whatever all this was. She seemed to Amy like someone who was very competent at everything they did but somehow now had to manage a small mall. For Amy, this quiet competence was very confronting. She didn¡¯t like how she felt in comparison to this woman. She thought of herself as an exceptionally competent person too, and was disturbed by all the recent evidence to the contrary. She thought this woman must see her how she often saw her own team, grifting agents of chaos at worst, loveable losers at best. She wasn¡¯t a lovable loser. She wanted to grab the manager''s shirt and yell ¡®I¡¯m competent too! We¡¯re the same!¡¯

    The manager continued, ¡®I¡¯ll grant you the alarms triggered, but you understand I have to at least entertain the idea that you are making this up to claim the risk bonus,¡¯ she continued. ¡®Furthermore I do not understand your explanation of how this person got past your cameras, or how you then stopped him. Apart from assuring me it was ¡®kick ass and very cool¡¯ you have been very scant with the details.¡¯

    Amy bristled. Her stress, embarrassment, and insecurity mixed together and combined to produce an unexpected soup of belligerence. ¡®I cannot tell you how we stopped him, just be thankful that we did! You¡¯re welcome by the way. I¡¯m ¡°you¡¯re welcoming¡± you in anticipation of the ¡°thank you¡± you haven¡¯t delivered yet. And just for your information we aren¡¯t making up a story to get a risk bonus because our contract doesn¡¯t have a risk bonus!¡¯

    ¡®What?¡¯ Baron blurted.

    ¡®We can talk about it later¡¯ Amy hissed through her teeth.

    ¡®Why doesn¡¯t our contract have a risk bonus? Every security contract has a risk bonus!¡¯ Baron irritatingly added.

    Amy leaned in and shout-whispered ¡®Because I¡¯m not good at business Baron, that was supposed to be your job. You were supposed to check our contracts, and if you say ¡°my job is social media¡± I will punch you in the teeth.¡¯

    ¡°This is very professional,¡¯ the Mall manager noted. ¡®Also why have you packed down your cameras? We haven¡¯t fired you yet.¡¯

    This confused Amy for a moment before she realised the manager had assumed that the cameras had been plugged in and operating and therefore the only explanation for the mess of equipment on the ground could be that they then dismantled them. The manager believed the cameras had been set up because this is what Amy had told her, packing lie on top of lie. Anything to navigate around the fact that no functioning camera had ever been pointed at the painting. The mall door opened and two police officers entered, closely followed by a woman not in uniform.

    ¡®Shit,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Shit?¡¯ repeated the manager, with a look suggesting it was unlikely a security consultant who had successfully prevented a crime would swear when a police officer entered.

    ¡®Why did you call the cops?¡¯ Amy asked.

    The manager looked genuinely confused. ¡®Because according to you there was an attempted crime. Which you, I¡¯m told, by you, heroically prevented.¡¯

    ¡®Huddle!¡¯ Amy shouted at her crew, and they scurried out of earshot of the manager who looked infuriatingly calm, like someone who knew there was a problem but was fairly confident it wasn''t theirs.

    ¡®Whatever happens, it cannot get out that we never set up the cameras,¡¯ Amy whispered quite loudly.

    ¡®Agreed,¡¯ replied Baron and Thomas.

    ¡®But what do we tell them?¡¯ Thomas asked.

    ¡®That we were really cool and kick ass,¡¯ Amy said.

    ¡®That didn¡¯t seem to be enough information for the manager,¡¯ Baron observed.

    ¡®I know!¡¯ shout-whispered Amy.

    This was really getting out of hand. Amy decided it was a bad look that she was panicking and decided to say something reassuring and leadership like.

    ¡®Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ve got this. You can trust me. I know just what to say.¡¯This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.

    ¡®Oh I¡¯m so pleased!¡¯ said one of the police officers who had wandered over to the huddle unnoticed. He was a large man in his early 50s, and did in fact look like he was gleefully looking forward to hearing what Amy had to say.

    ¡®Good morning team! I¡¯m Sergeant Keith Holloway and this is my associate Contable Emerson.¡¯

    ¡®Hello!¡¯ Said Emmerson cheerfully. Emmerson was a younger woman with what seemed to be a genuine smile on her face.

    Holloway continued, ¡®We cannot wait to hear this fantastic story about your heroic crime stopping efforts. I¡¯m reliably told that it was very ¡®kick ass¡¯ and ¡®cool¡¯. Marvellous! In your own words, what exactly happened here?¡¯

    If the manager had an aura of someone trying to be reasonable in slightly unreasonable circumstances, Sergeant Holloway had the air of someone cheerfully looking for an opportunity to be unreasonable. Constable Emerson had the air of someone who had no layers of reasonableness or unreasonableness. She came across as sincerely pleased to be there, and her excited anticipation of the story seemed quite sincere.

    ¡®Let''s start with the alleged attempted theft. How did our suspected criminal get past your cameras and into the atrium area?¡¯

    Amy had no idea what she should say. She knew a good tactic was to keep the story small, close to the truth, and to offer the most likely and simple explanation possible. Barron gave her an encouraging thumbs up. She opened her mouth and hoped for the best.

    ¡®Magic.¡¯

    That was a bad start. Any conversation that started with a lie about magic working while under the gaze of a full security team and several cameras, the one condition magic couldn''t operate in, had nowhere to go.

    ¡®Magic?¡¯ said Sergeant Holloway, with a look of scepticism that Amy thought was rude and unnecessary.

    ¡®Yes, magic.¡¯ There was a pause and Amy realised she was going to need to add more detail. ¡®Magic that works even when you are looking at it, which is why our cameras didn¡¯t stop it.¡¯

    Thomas and Bradon looked at each other with open disbelief, and even Amy was having trouble hiding how surprised she was at the sheer scale of the lie she was producing. This was bad. The manager and Sergeant Holloway looked as disbelieving as any two people had ever looked. Unhelpfully, Thomas and Baron were wearing something very close to the same expression. Constable Emmerson¡¯s expression was unchanged, a mild and open smile. The non-uniformed woman who had accompanied the police officers approached and Amy realised with horror that she was a reporter. Amy tried to find a reasonable way out of the narrative trap she was setting for herself, but the only thing in her head was the word ¡®no!¡¯ being repeated rapidly on an endless loop.

    ¡®Do you know what you are saying?¡¯ said the reporter, ¡®I mean, the implications ¡­¡¯

    ¡®Yes. I¡¯m fully aware of the implications of what I¡¯m telling you,¡¯ said Amy, furious at herself for doubling down so confidently.

    ¡®Are you seriously telling us someone did magic directly in front of all these cameras?¡¯ asked Constable Emmerson.

    This time her mouth just made an indeterminate sound that might mean anything. Why was this happening? She needed to de-escalate. Maybe it wasn¡¯t too late to come clean.

    ¡®That¡¯s what I¡¯m saying¡¯ her mouth said, ignoring her.

    ¡®Someone has come up with magic that can be observed?¡¯ asked the reporter. She gestured towards the painting, ¡®And they used it to try and steal that?¡¯

    ¡®Rude¡¯ said Amy, who quite liked the painting of the old woman on the ¡­ maybe a mule?

    ¡®Then how did you stop them?¡¯ queried Sergeant Holloway.

    Amy pushed past the ¡®no¡¯ loop and reached around in her head for a plausible explanation that would get her out of the magic bullshit hole she was digging.

    ¡®Magic.¡¯

    Why? Why was her mouth not listening to her?

    ¡®Magic ¡­¡¯ repeated the mall manager back to her.

    ¡®Magic.¡¯ she inexplicably repeated.

    ¡®But with all the cameras ¡­ I mean ¡­ how? Can you do magic when being observed as well?¡¯ asked the reporter. Amy wasn¡¯t sure which was more stressful, the open disbelief of the police, or the possibility the reporter might be buying it.

    ¡®No! That¡¯s ridiculous,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Then how?¡¯ asked the reporter.

    Amy was in a full panic now, her reasoning constricting as her stress rose.

    ¡®I mean who knows how magic works? No one! That¡¯s the whole thing about it right? So we, I mean, our magic was ¡­ it¡¯s not observable magic, but It¡¯s not ordinary either, obviously,¡¯ she escalated. ¡®It¡¯s ¡­,¡¯ she dug around again for an impressive but ambiguous word to describe the magic she didn¡¯t do. ¡®It¡¯s  cool. It¡¯s very ¡­ cool ¡­ magic.¡¯

    They looked at her like she was an idiot, which she thought was fair.

    She tried to come up with more detail to salvage things a little.

    ¡®It¡¯s very cool.¡¯

    ¡®Kick ass possibly?¡¯ offered Sergeant Holloway consulting his notebook.

    ¡®Proprietary!¡¯ yelled Baron from the corner.

    They turned around and looked back at Baron. ¡®What?¡¯

    ¡®It¡¯s proprietary, it¡¯s very secret, and um ¡­ cool, and proprietary um .. magic.¡¯

    ¡®Cool!¡¯ said Constable Emerson for whom the story had seemed perfectly plausible and not lacking in detail at all.

    Holloway cleared his throat, ¡®So your thief broke every natural law of magic and was only stopped because you ¡­,¡¯ he paused to gesture at them as if looking at them was enough to make his point about how unlikely this all was ¡®... stopped them with secret, proprietary magic. Which worked because it is ¡­,¡¯  he checked his notebook, ¡®... because it is ¡°very cool¡±.¡¯

    Amy looked around nervously, surveying the disaster of a debrief she had just created.

    ¡®Yes.¡¯

    This felt bad. But at least the stack of lies she was assembling had reached its natural end point.  What she didn¡¯t know was that the bullshit stack she had just built was the least of her troubles. It was just the trigger for a more serious drama that was building up steam and heading her way.

 A Very Good and Well Run Business

    Elite Magical Protection Services had their contract terminated immediately.

    ¡®Again,¡¯ Amy sulked the next morning as she waited for coffees with Thomas on the bench outside the cafe under their office.

    Thomas took out his phone and started searching for news about the mall. ¡®I mean who¡¯s going to protect that painting now? Who¡¯s more available at short notice than us? They must be .. just terrible.¡¯

    The normality and familiar busyness of the street, the smell of coffee, and the bright sunlight warming up the pavement was a welcome relief after last night¡¯s deserted mall and taste of failure. But with no sleep to buffer her between the night''s failure and accusations of incompetence, Amy felt deflated and bruised. They had botched jobs before, but they had never actually been fired, told to pack up and go home. Their rough execution had finally caught up with them. Part of her just wanted to sit in this familiar seat outside this familiar cafe and let the day play out without any thoughts of business, security, and least of all magic.

    ¡®The main thing is we actually foiled a crime Amy! We did it, the real deal,¡¯ Thomas continued.

    Amy looked up at him, disbelief emerging on her face. ¡®That¡¯s not the main thing Thomas! Nothing we did stopped that robbery, that was just dumb luck. And no one even believes it happened! We failed at the one real job we had, setting up the bloody cameras. It¡¯s so easy! We never even got them plugged in! Again!¡¯

    Thomas recognised this tone, he hated seeing Amy like this.

    Amy continued, her eyes threatening tears, her voice thick. ¡®The galling thing is that¡¯s not even why they fired us, they just thought we were shifty. They thought everything about us was suss and they were right. We are awful. We are the bottom of the barrel. Utterly incompetent at the easiest job in the world. I¡¯m utterly incompetent.¡¯

    Thomas reached over and awkwardly patted her shoulder. He was so bad at this. He took a deep breath then took Amy¡¯s hand in his. ¡®You¡¯re not incompetent, I know you think you are, but making a mistake doesn¡¯t make you incompetent, and you didn¡¯t even make a mistake. Baron and I made the mistakes. You will never be as incompetent as we are. I mean we¡¯re just awful¡¯.

    Amy sniffed back a tear and gratefully squeezed Thomas¡¯ hand. ¡¯That¡¯s true.¡¯

    She used her other hand to wipe her nose. ¡®You guys are the worst. Thanks mate.¡¯

    Thomas recognised she was starting to come back to her baseline and decided to defuse the sincerity  down to a more manageable level. ¡®Although you were supposed to be managing this job, so technically it is your fault¡¯.

    ¡®Yeah I know. But I can''t fire you or myself so what am I going to do?¡¯

    ¡®That¡¯s also true.¡¯

    This was true. The business was an equal partnership between the three of them. They met when Amy had dropped out of a degree in Art History and found work delivering online orders for a supermarket. Baron and Thomas were assigned to pack her orders. Friends since childhood, they were not good at their jobs. Although they were employed at the same level she found herself falling into the role of their proxy manager, telling them what to do, fixing their mistakes, and making sure they didn¡¯t get fired. They quickly fell into looking at her as their natural leader. This dynamic annoyed her as she didn¡¯t want to be in charge of or responsible for them, but they were hard not to like. They were funny, friendly, and they were there, every day. They were almost smart, or at least sometimes they were both very smart in their own way. And other times they were shockingly dim. Amy had never been able to figure out if they were actually very smart or actually very stupid. They seemed to swing wildly between the two states, spending no time in the middle.

    They moved from friends to business partners after Amy found the access to a house she was supposed to be delivering to blocked by a van marked ¡®Magic Guard Security¡¯. Two security guards were standing in front of it having a very loud argument with a Gucci clad older man holding what looked like a large hairless cat that was, inexplicably, emitting very aggressive high pitched barks.Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

    ¡®Are you guys going to be long? I have this guy¡¯s groceries.¡¯

    ¡®We¡¯re moving! No one¡¯s going to steal that weird mole looking dog! It¡¯s not worth the money.¡¯

    She noticed that the security guard had small bite marks on his hand, and the cat was actually a cat sized hairless dog, which made the barking more ¡­ explicable?

    The Gucci man with the mole/cat/dog was sobbing, ¡®You are so rude! You¡¯re fired! Don¡¯t expect any payment from me, don¡¯t you dare try and invoice me! I told you not to look at him! That was to keep you safe!¡¯

    Amy was surprised not looking at the dog had been a problem. He was hard to look at. The security guards climbed into their van and backed down the driveway. One of them leaned out the window and yelled ¡®We don¡¯t want your money! I hope your mole dies!¡¯

    At this, Gucci man shifted gear from sobs to wails, and despite the fact that her dog had obviously bitten the guard, Amy felt for him. She had Thomas and Baron in her life so she knew what it was like when you started to care for weird looking things. ¡®I¡¯m sorry sir, that was completely uncalled for.¡¯

    ¡®People are always threatening to kill him! My ex-husband said he was going to hire a magician to set him on fire, that¡¯s why I hired them! Where am I going to get another security guard now?¡¯

    The opportunity hung there in space, taunting her. Almost impossible to resist. It was madness but her escape path from delivering groceries had appeared before her. All she had to do was reach out and grab it.  And it was perfect. Amy hated magic and this job was all about stopping it. There were only two people she could think of that would be malleable enough to quit their easy jobs and join her.

    The rest is recent history. They were dog guards for three weeks, and discovered that the cameras weren¡¯t activated for the first two weeks of that job. Learning from this mistake they then moved on to working for a connection of Gucci man, and performed this job flawlessly. They then repeated their orgional mistake in the next two jobs. But nothing was stolen and they were working! They were actually making money, and over the next two years Amy registered the business, Baron improved their systems, they bought better gear, moved into an office, and created a niche of stepping in when better known security firms weren¡¯t available. Not who you wanted, but who was available.

    They went inside to collect their coffees, adding armfulls of pastries to their order. Amy opened the door to exit the cafe with her shoulder while Thomas used the hand that wasn¡¯t holding his coffee to continue to scroll and tap on his phone. Amy stepped out onto the street. ¡®We really need to get our act together, how long before this kind of thing becomes our whole reputation?¡¯

    Amy noticed a van was parked across the street. The two large men inside looked away, but they had obviously been looking at her and Thomas. She noted it was comically sinister, but their office was in a comically sinister alleyway so maybe that tainted how she saw everything. She was having a good hair day, wild and dramatic, so probably they were checking her out and who could blame them with how bad-ass her hair was looking. Or maybe they were looking at Thomas. But somehow Thomas looked even more lanky and unwieldy than usual, and his curly mushroom haircut was even dirtier looking than usual so she doubted it. She stole a second glance at the van. The guys inside were determinedly looking elsewhere now but her stomach was really tugging on her brain, not in a ¡®some asshole is doing magic¡¯ way but in a more general ¡®something isn¡¯t right¡¯ way. She knew she was on edge and ignored it. She was probably just constipated.

    She turned to the door next to the cafe they had just exited from, again used her shoulder to open it, revealing a steep staircase that led to their office. She paused, the edge of anxiety nudging at her as she looked up towards the office door at the top of the stairs. ¡®Or maybe this is a sign. Maybe we should pack this in. This is so much more stressful than I thought it would be, I mean it¡¯s not like we have to go back to the supermarket ¡­¡¯

    Thomas cut her off. ¡®Far out! Amy, I found it! We¡¯re in the news!¡¯

    Amy¡¯s anxiety ticked up a notch. ¡®No, no, no, why?¡¯

    Thomas read out from his phone ¡®Security firm stops robbery of painting by cherished local artist.¡¯

    Amy took a moment. ¡®What?¡¯

    ¡®They think it went well! We¡¯re heroes Amy! Everything is the opposite of what you thought it was!¡¯

    ¡®This can¡¯t be, really?¡¯ She leaned over to try and read the article on Thomas¡¯ phone but it was obscured by the appearance of a message. ¡®You¡¯ve missed like five messages from Baron.¡¯

    Thomas opened his alerts to indeed see five messages from Baron all reading ¡®OFFICE NOW!¡¯

    They exchanged a look then sprinted up the stairs as fast as their load of pastries and coffees would allow. Amy kicked open the door and they both tumbled into the room. Baron was sitting on the couch that smelt like a dog looking as awkward as anyone has ever looked. Taking up an entire bench seat across from him was an enormous man with a ginger beard who seemed to be dressed as a monk. Amy¡¯s stomach began to churn. The monk was humming with magic.

 Greg

    ¡®Who¡¯s this guy?¡¯ blurted Amy.

    ¡®Good morning,¡¯ the monk said. ¡®I am Gregor. I am a brother at the monastery of Saint Enos.¡¯

    The word ¡®Enos¡¯ sounded very made up to Thomas. He looked at Amy and saw her normally olive face had gone a deep white. Amy¡¯s spidey sense had gone haywire, her skin prickling, stomach churning, bile rising in her throat. She felt extremely unsettled, like something very very bad was about to happen. She searched for an exit strategy that would hide her panic. Unable to find one, she spat out ¡®No thank you.¡¯ and grabbed Thomas by the belt pulling him backwards through the door back into the stairwell.

    Thomas took in Amy¡¯s bloodless face. ¡®Is someone doing magic?¡¯

    ¡®Ugh probably, but no ¡­ this is different. I¡¯m not sure what¡¯s going on ¡­ that guy is full of magic, he stinks of it. I mean that¡¯s not exactly it, but it¡¯s like he¡¯s loaded with it, but it isn¡¯t maybe doing anything yet? Just sort of sitting there being annoying. But it¡¯s too much, I can¡¯t go back in there.¡¯

    ¡®How can someone be full of magic? We can¡¯t just leave Baron in there, he¡¯s not great with regular customers let alone massive ginger ones stuffed with magic. Also Amy, we need a job. We are going to feel the loss of that mall job. We need money.¡¯

    Amy¡¯s nervous system started to level out. She breathed in. She breathed out. ¡®Ok, you¡¯re right. I can do this. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s going on with that guy but I¡¯ll go and talk to him.¡¯ She grabbed Thomas¡¯ arm. ¡®Don¡¯t take your eyes off him for a second Thomas, if he gets a moment unobserved, who knows what kind of skanky magic bullshit he¡¯ll try.¡¯ She patted down her hair and adjusted her shirt. ¡®I can talk to this guy, I¡¯m a professional.¡¯

    ¡®Yes you are,¡¯ said Thomas patting her awkwardly on the shoulder in what he hoped was a supportive way. ¡®You are a professional.¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯ll charm him. I¡¯m charming. I¡¯m a charmer.¡¯

    Thomas again patted her arm again and smiled, but suspiciously didn¡¯t repeat her affirmation back to her. Amy opened the door to the office and stepped back in. She was still feeling sick but felt capable of engaging with this weird monk cosplayer in something close to a rational manner.

    ¡®Get out.¡¯ she said.

    Thomas hurried in after her. ¡®Ha! Amy! So funny. Nice to meet you Greg! Thanks for coming in. What can we do for you?¡¯

    ¡®Gregor,¡¯ corrected Gregor.

    The colour was returning to Amy¡¯s face. She lowered herself onto the dog couch, her eyes not leaving the monk. Thomas joined her, smiling and trying not to blink in case the monk tried any skanky magic.

    The monk looked at Amy. ¡®You are sensitive, of course you are, I apologise. I have dampened myself down. I expect you are why I am here.¡¯ He leaned in towards Amy, who was starting to ease down from panic to a mild ick. ¡®I know,¡¯ he said, then sat back.

    Amy stole a glance at Baron. Baron looked back at Amy and made a ¡®I don¡¯t know¡¯ face. Amy looked at Thomas, who was still staring at the monk, eyes watering now as he continued not blinking. Getting nothing from the rest of her team she decided to open her mouth and see what came out again, well aware this strategy had not been working for her recently.

    ¡®So,¡¯ began Amy, ¡®You know.¡¯

    ¡®Yes, I know,¡¯ returned the Monk solemnly.Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site.

    ¡®You know.¡¯

    ¡®Yes.¡¯

    Amy looked back at Baron, who looked somehow even more clueless than before. ¡®The cat¡¯s out of the ¡­ bag,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Yes.¡¯

    ¡®The old cat,¡¯ elaborated Amy, ¡®Out of the old bag.¡¯

    Disconcertingly, the monk reached over and took Amy¡¯s hand. He looked at her with surprisingly gentle eyes and In a sincere and quiet voice said ¡®And you are not alone.¡¯

    ¡®Oh ¡­ good,¡¯ said Amy. She withdrew her hand. ¡®Well, I guess the cat¡¯s out of the bag then.¡¯

    ¡®Yes.¡¯ said Gregor.

    ¡®And we all know,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®Thomas will you please just blink. He would have zapped us or whatever already if he was going to that.¡¯

    Thomas blinked and gave her an embarrassed smile, ¡®Sorry Greg. I guess we¡¯re all in on ¡­the secret now.¡¯

    ¡®Gregor,¡¯ corrected Gregor.

    ¡®Sorry yes, Gregor. You know, and we know, and um ¡­ the cat ...¡¯

    Amy was unsure how to proceed. They needed work but now that her stomach had settled this ominous chit chat increasingly felt like it had no destination. ¡®Yeah thanks for the heads up Gregor, and for ¡­ making yourself damp I guess. Look, it¡¯s great that we all know the thing that we know but do you have something you want us to do? Like do you need protection or something?¡¯

    Now it was Gregor¡¯s turn to look confused. ¡®Don¡¯t you understand what is happening? What you know, what I suspect you can do, if it gets out ¡­ this is a dangerous moment.¡¯

    Amy shot Baron and Thomas a raised eyebrow. Despite the weird magic hum and generally dramatic appearance of the monk, the rhetoric was very familiar. Vague and grandiose warnings came with the territory in this business, even if they weren''t usually dressed up as a monk. This was the first time someone had made it into the office to deliver them though, they usually arrived as concerned and slightly threatening emails. Amy sighed as she felt the possibility of a new job float away.

    Where Amy and Thomas saw disappointment however, Baron saw opportunity. ¡®You were right to come to us Greg. As you obviously know we have all sorts of magic and secrets and whatnot that can help you stay safe. You can trust us.¡¯

    Gregor¡¯s eyes became less gentle. ¡®I am well protected, I am the one you can trust. It is not safe for you. You all need to come with me.¡¯

    Amy decided this was enough, regardless of how much magic was squirming around inside this guy. If he was struggling with reality she didn¡¯t want to take advantage of that, or deal with the risk of it, no matter how much they needed a job. And the conversation was taking on a threatening tone she did not like.

    ¡®You should leave, I don¡¯t think we can help you, and I don¡¯t like your ¡°offer¡± to help us. This feels off.¡¯

    Gregor stood up. As he stood it became apparent how enormous he actually was, not just tall but wide, visible muscles on his neck, broad shoulders, and thick forearms. It didn¡¯t feel good having him in the room.  It made no sense to Amy that a monk should be that big. That anyone should. Thomas and Baron leaned away and Amy stood up, her fight or flight starting to turn very much to fight. Amy was aware that she didn¡¯t pose much of a threat to Gregor with his bulk and squirming magic but she was not scared of him. She wasn¡¯t entirely sure he was even trying to threaten them, but something was not right.

    The monk looked at Amy, again his eyes were gentle. ¡®You have misunderstood me. I am your friend Amy.¡¯ He looked at Thomas and Baron, almost cuddled up next to each other on the couch. ¡®And yours Baron, and yours Thomas.¡¯

    ¡®We didn¡¯t tell you our names,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®They are on your website,¡¯ the Monk responded. ¡®And your photos too. With biographies.¡¯

    Amy wavered, not sure not what to make of him.

    ¡®And you will only be safe if you come with me,¡¯ finished the monk.

    Amy rolled her eyes. ¡®Aw see, you almost had me, but that is not cool, that is some gas lighting nonsense right there Greg. You need to leave. You¡¯re too big and there is too much magic in you. It stinks. Off you pop.¡¯ She moved aside and pointed at the door. ¡®Go back to your monastery, or the gym, or wherever you live.¡¯

    Gregor sighed, then moved past her to the door. He looked over his shoulder. ¡®You are in danger, when you need me I will find you.¡¯

    ¡®Creepy. Bye!¡¯ Amy waved cheerfully, and Gregor closed the door behind him.

    ¡®What on earth was that all about?¡¯ asked Baron.

    Thomas pulled out his phone and held it up to Amy and Baron. ¡®It might have something to do with this.¡¯

 Fish Magic

    The team retreated to the boardroom, which was what they called the Garden Hotel. ¡®The Garden¡¯ had no garden, but did operate a small hotel on the top two levels. For Amy and the boys ¡®The boardroom¡¯ referred to the pub that took up the whole of the ground floor apart from the hotel¡¯s small street front reception. There was no direct access to the bar from the hotel, it could only be accessed from an ally between the hotel and a neighbouring tattoo parlour. There was a sign but neither the sign or the ally were inviting, and it didn¡¯t generally receive casual visitors. The pub was long and narrow, with a low ceiling and no air conditioning. The bar ran almost the entire length of the pub, the wall opposite the bar lined with small and run down booths. The area between the bar and the booths was jammed with small tables and chairs for those not early enough to get a booth. Despite the state''s strict licensing laws, Amy had never seen it closed. It had a ground down charm if you looked at it from the outside, with its bright blue door and floor to ceiling windows with wooden frames. But the windows were caked with grime, and even if they had been clean they would only offer a view of the brick wall that was the side of the tattoo parlour. There were no windows anywhere else and it got darker and worse smelling the further you went into it, the stink of a carpet soaked in years worth of split beer. It seemed to be perpetually rammed even at times when people with productive lives should be at work, or really anywhere that wasn¡¯t a pub. It had that out of time feeling that hung over places where people congregate when the general population are pursuing the endless logistics that make up a functioning adult life. It was favoured by the Elite Magical Protection crew mostly because it was directly across from their office. Once the team had found a booth and gratefully collapsed into it everything seemed more manageable. Their collective sleep deprivation from the previous night gave the Garden an even more off kilter feeling than usual, and Amy scanned the room for the men she had seen earlier in the van, or any more oversized monks, but no one looked out of the ordinary that she could see. Or at least no one looked out of the ordinary in a way out of sync with the peculiar but mostly harmless regulars of the Garden. She unclenched a little. Thomas pulled out his phone and the three of them scanned the news article Thomas had been trying to show them.

    ¡®It says we used a proprietary type of magic to stop the art thief in front of our own cameras,¡¯ Baron said.

    ¡®Of course it does,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®That¡¯s what we told them! Why did we do that?¡¯

    ¡®Well, more you than we,¡¯ responded Baron.

    ¡®You shouted out ¡°proprietary!¡±¡¯ shouted Amy.

    Thomas sat back and tried to put the pieces together. ¡®Do you think that¡¯s the secret Greg was talking about? He thinks he knows what our proprietary magic is? We¡¯re not the first people to figure out a workaround to do magic when cameras are on. Those hacks only last a few days before someone figures out how to squash them.¡¯

    Amy leaned in towards Thomas. ¡®We didn¡¯t figure out a workaround! There is no proprietary magic! God, this is so typical of the kind of nonsense you have to put up with as soon as people think magic is involved.¡¯

    Baron read the article again. ¡®Hold on, this is weird ¡­¡¯

    ¡®Of course it¡¯s weird!¡¯ muttered Amy. ¡®It¡¯s magic! It¡¯s the worst!¡¯

    ¡®No not that, it¡¯s weird what¡¯s not in here. Us having proprietary magic was the smallest lie we told. We told them that our magic was a work around, but before that you told them that the thief had done magic directly in front of the camera, observable magic. That¡¯s a much bigger lie! As big as it gets! And there¡¯s not a mention of it!¡¯

    ¡®Maybe they didn¡¯t hear it,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®You said it multiple times. You said it then you told them you understood the implications of it.¡¯ Thomas put on his best Amy impersonation, waggling his head angrily and putting his hands on his hips. ¡®I¡¯m fully aware of the implications of what I¡¯m telling you.¡¯

    Amy shrunk into her chair. ¡®Why? Why do I talk?¡¯

    ¡®The point is there is nothing about that in here. Someone doing magic while being observed would change everything we know about magic, render every defence against magic useless.¡¯ This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

    ¡®Maybe they didn¡¯t believe me?¡¯

    ¡®They definitely didn¡¯t believe you. But it¡¯s weird they didn¡¯t even mention it. What does that mean?¡¯

    Amy¡¯s stomach clenched, just for a second. Baron saw the colour drain from her face.

    ¡®What?¡¯ Baron asked.

    Amy looked around, the pub was noisy, everywhere she could see there were people looking at each other and glancing around. Amy noted a security camera in the corner above the bar. There was nowhere to get away with magical nonsense here.

    ¡®Nothing.¡¯ she said. ¡®Nothing, I keep thinking I sense magic but I think my nerves are just shot. Or I might have the runs. The more I think about it the more I think that the whole monk stuffed with magic thing might just be gastro.¡¯

    Baron and Thomas looked around as well. Baron looked under the table and saw a sea of legs and abandoned chip packets. He also saw a fish. A dead fish under one of the tables. The longer he looked the more oddities he noticed. A woman wearing suit pants and shiny shoes, but the suit pants were rolled up to her knees. A desk lamp plugged in and shining a light on a bar of soap. Another fish. ¡®Oh no.¡¯

    Amy grabbed him. ¡®What?¡¯

    Baron has another look under the table. ¡¯I could be wrong but there is a lot of weird shit under these tables.¡¯

    Thomas paled. ¡®Conditions.¡¯

    Amy rolled her eyes. ¡®Conditions! No, not bloody magic! It can¡¯t be, there are people everywhere, there¡¯s a camera on! And another one over there!¡¯ She gestured towards a second camera at the door, catching the main room and the other camera. Classic two camera coverage. Amy¡¯s stomach clenched, again just for a moment. Thomas and Baron noticed and all three looked around.

    ¡®Has anything changed?¡¯ asked Baron. They saw nothing out of the ordinary, people were talking animatedly, if anything the place was getting rowdier. A drinker was napping with his head in his arms on the table. Another clench, but no change. Another clench, and this time a thump. They spun around to identify the sound and saw another drinker napping on the table. A clench and another thump, this time they saw it, a couple of patrons slumping on their tables.

    ¡®Pants!¡¯ Amy whispered. ¡®Don¡¯t close your eyes! How? How are they doing this? There are people everywhere! There are cameras! I can see their red lights! Let''s get out of here.¡¯

    Any winced, her stomach pains were coming in groups now, sets of stuttering cramps. A multitude of thumps, people were dropping like flies and the ones who weren¡¯t dropping had started to notice, trying to rouse their friends or to drag them to the door. But it seemed too late, more people dropped, the pace was picking up speed.

    ¡®What the hell is going on?¡¯ Any stood up. ¡®Run!¡¯

    They joined the movement towards the door. Thomas stopped. ¡®Is it also getting darker?¡¯

    He dropped. Baron and Amy caught him and raised him up, each ducking under Thoma¡¯s arms to support him. ¡®Noooo! Quickly! No ¡­ Wait!¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Wait?¡¯ Spluttered Baron?

    ¡®They are going for the people closest to the door!¡¯

    Baron looked up and saw that indeed bodies were piling up by the entrance.

    Baron saw one of the fish and booted it across the floor, trying to disrupt the effect, but people continued to drop, the noise and panic rising. Amy scanned the room. ¡®We need a different plant. We need to take out the prick who is doing this.¡¯

    Baron remembered the woman with her pant legs rolled up. He looked up and there she was, the only person not panicking, two tables away, still seated. Amy saw where he was looking, and saw her, a young woman in a business suit, two tables away, hair tied back, looking straight at Amy and Thomas.

    ¡®It¡¯s her!¡¯ Amy said. ¡®She¡¯s the magician!¡¯ Amy dropped Thomas and launched herself onto a table and towards the rolled pants woman. The woman remained seated, looking Amy directly in the eye. Amy leapt onto the woman¡¯s table then threw herself at the magician knocking her off her chair. They both sprawled on the ground.

    Amy lay on top of the magician and snarled ¡®No more magic fuckery from you!¡¯

    The woman laughed. ¡®I¡¯m not a magician you idiot. I¡¯m a condition.¡¯

    Amy continued to pin the woman and tried to process what she said. A condition? Of course, the rolled up pants were the condition. Typical magic nonsense. She was having trouble holding on to the idea. She thought Thomas might have been right, it was getting darker. Amy felt her stomach clenches increase as it continued to get darker, her body felt heavy. She realised what was happening and muttered a sloppy ¡®Oh ¡­ bloody magi ¡­¡¯

    She wasn¡¯t unconscious. But it was pitch black and there was no sound. No time. No up or down.

    ¡®Oh crap,¡¯ Amy thought. ¡®I¡¯m dead.¡¯

 Mummy

    Amy opened her eyes and was greeted by a collage of blurs that refused to resolve into a coherent view of the world. She didn¡¯t seem to be dead. Squinting her eyes she was able to resolve one of the blurs into Baron, sitting across from her on a bench against a wall. They weren¡¯t in the pub anymore. Three useful facts: Not dead, Baron is here, not in the pub. Further squinting revealed that she appeared to be in a small meeting room. There was a small table and four chairs in the middle of it, and Baron¡¯s bench was against the far wall. On seeing her eyes open Baron scurried over to her side. ¡®Are you ok?¡¯

    Was she ok? She seemed ok. ¡®I¡¯m not dead,¡¯ she let Baron know.

    ¡®Neither.¡¯ confirmed Baron.

    Amy realised she was on another bench identical to the one Baron had been on, but on the other side of the room. She was lying on her back, her head on an uncomfortable and lumpy cushion.  Lifting her head she saw that the uncomfortable lump was Thomas¡¯ lap.

    ¡®Oh no.¡¯ She tried to sit up but her body was sluggish and disobedient.

    ¡®Don¡¯t rush Amy, it takes a minute to wake up properly from whatever that effect was,¡¯ said Baron.

    Amy looked up at Thomas in horror. Thomas smiled down and patted her head. ¡®We were having a lovely cuddle," he said.

    ¡®This is a horrifying way to wake up¡¯ said Amy as she continued to try and lift herself out of the snuggle.

    ¡®It wasn¡¯t me, I kept moving away but you kept grabbing me!¡¯ protested Thomas.

    ¡®You called him Mummy,¡¯ added Baron.

    ¡®You did, you kept snuggling into me and saying ¡°I love you Mummy¡±¡¯.

    ¡®Oh no,¡¯ repeated Amy. Thomas and Baron supported her until she was upright and helped her slump against the wall. ¡®This could not be worse.¡¯

    ¡®Well I¡¯ll ignore that because it is worse, in case you forgot we got magic bashed and now we¡®re in jail.¡¯

    Amy took another look at the room. ¡®This jail has a repurposed meeting room vibe to it.¡¯

    ¡®Yeah I guess so, but the door is locked,¡¯ said Thomas. ¡®And I think it¡¯s magically locked because I couldn¡¯t force it.¡¯

    Amy did a low level eye roll. ¡®Well, if even you couldn¡¯t force it... How long have we been here?¡¯

    Baron nodded towards a clock on the wall. ¡®They took our phones but if that clock is right, it¡¯s just past 9pm, so we¡¯ve been here about 7 hours. We woke up about an hour ago and no one¡¯s been in, maybe we¡¯ll see someone now you¡¯re awake.¡¯ He gestured towards the cameras in each corner. A lot of cameras. Someone was definitely worried about magic.

    ¡®Are you guys ok?¡¯ asked Amy.

    ¡®Not really,¡¯ replied Thomas. ¡®I¡¯m pretty freaked out. Someone has kidnapped us, right? The monk I guess? What the hell is going on?¡¯

    ¡®And how did they do all that crap at the pub?¡¯ asked Amy ¡®They knocked out a whole room full of people! There were cameras everywhere you guys, and it was crowded. There was not a single corner of that pub that wasn¡¯t in line of sight of the cameras or people.¡¯

    ¡®Do you think he actually did it? Observable magic?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®No,¡¯ said Thomas. ¡®That¡¯s not how it works, I don¡¯t know how they did it but it won¡¯t be that. People who claim they saw observable magic always turn out to be mentally ill or scam artists.¡¯

    ¡®I mean we said we saw observable magic,¡¯ observed Barnon.

    ¡®Exactly,¡¯ said Thomas and pointed at Amy, still slumped against the wall. ¡®Scam artist.¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m not a scam artist!¡¯ protested Amy. ¡®I just panicked.¡¯

    ¡®Ever since that mall job everything has been crazy, maybe we should have listened to Greg.¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®We¡¯re probably here because of Greg! We would have just ended up here anyway, at least we made him work for it. This is why I hate magic.¡¯ Amy gave one of the chairs a bad tempered kick, knocking it across the room.

    ¡®I guess you¡¯re feeling better then,¡¯ said Baron. ¡®Someone kidnaps you and your main takeaway is that you still hate magic? What happened to you that you¡¯re pretty relaxed about being abducted, but the thought that someone used magic to do it gets you all kicky? What is your origin story?¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m not relaxed about being abducted!¡¯ Amy responded. ¡®This is freaking me out too, but you wait, this will all be because of magic.¡¯

    There was a knock on the door.

    ¡®They seem to be very polite kidnappers,¡¯ commented Thomas.

    The door opened and two heads popped into view. One belonged to a young man in a business shirt with thick hipster glasses and a flop of brown hair. The other was an older man with a shaved head and a t-shirt that had ¡®DoHAC Innovation and Success Conference 2023¡¯ printed on it. The younger man had an iPad tucked under his arm. Oddly, for what Amy could only assume were magical gangsters or evil wizards, both had lanyards around their necks with their photos on them. They looked more like they were here to get someone¡¯s email working.

    ¡®Hi guys,¡¯ said the younger one.

    ¡®Hi guys?¡¯ repeated Amy incredulously.

    The two men looked at each other and shared a nervous and embarrassed giggle.

    ¡®I know, I¡¯m so sorry about all this. You must be very upset. I completely understand, this is so much!¡¯ said the older man. He held out some bottles of water. ¡®Have some water, some sandwiches are on the way. I¡¯m Jim. I¡¯m a principal magical analyst here. How are you feeling?¡¯

    Amy gave him a look halfway between disbelief and rage. ¡®Abducted Jim. I¡¯m feeling very bloody abducted.¡¯

    ¡®Ah yes. Well you would, wouldn''t you! Completely understandable that you would feel that way.¡¯ said Jim.

    ¡®Yes,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®It is understandable. Because that¡¯s exactly what happened. We feel abducted because you abducted us.¡¯

    The younger man spoke up. ¡®Well technically, I mean legally, if you look at it in a certain way, we just picked you up for an unscheduled meeting. The magical blackout is a little murkier, I¡¯ll admit. I¡¯m Brian by the way! Senior magical analyst.¡¯ Brian seemed pretty upbeat. His overall demeanour was consistent with someone who didn¡¯t believe they were participating in an abduction. Amy thought she just might have enough energy to punch Brian in the teeth. Brian¡¯s confidence faltered a little as he noticed and correctly interpreted the look on Amy¡¯s face, but he pushed on. ¡®Just for health and safety reasons I have to tell you that this room is both magically and manually guarded, there are cameras, as you probably noted, and armed guards outside. It¡¯s important you know this in case you ¡­ make any mistakes.¡¯

    ¡®Mistakes?¡¯ repeated Thomas.

    ¡®Yes mistakes. It''s perfectly understandable that you might want to make a run for it, or um ¡­¡¯ he glanced at the chair lying on its side, ¡®... have a go, so to speak, but you are perfectly safe and can just relax.¡¯ In what looked like an afterthought, he attempted a reassuring smile.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    ¡®You knocked out a whole pub full of people and abducted us. I don''t think we¡¯re safe,¡¯ said Baron. ¡®Who the hell are you guys?¡¯

    ¡®Yes, thank you for asking Baron,¡¯ said Jim. ¡®You have been invited to this meeting by the Department of Health and Aged Care for your own safety, and the safety of the community.¡¯

    A stunned silence. Not gangsters. Not evil wizards. Not even the police or military. The Department of Health and Aged Care.

    ¡®What?¡¯ said Amy. It seemed the only available response.

    ¡®Ha! Yes! ¡°What!¡±,¡¯ said Brian with a little chuckle. ¡®I understand, it¡¯s not what people expect! Let me explain. Technically the magic you reported being used in the robbery isn¡¯t an abuse of magic, it¡¯s not illegal, because it¡¯s impossible. However we do need to unpack your claims in case there are any safety issues, and for security reasons the government has decided this sort of thing is better handled by a department that has a little less public scrutiny than the police or someone similar.¡¯

    ¡®Well that seems mad, and very very suspicious,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®That¡¯s what I said when they hired us. Isn¡¯t it Brian?¡¯ said Jim, elbowing Brian in the ribs.

    ¡®You did! It seems very ¡°mad¡±. However you know, people get a bit nervous if there is any hint that¡­ you know, it might be real¡¯.

    ¡®What?¡¯ asked Amy.

    ¡®You know,¡¯ said Jim. He started making exaggerated mouth movements so they could read his lips. It was incomprehensible. There was a moment of blank looks all around.

    He again made his large mouth movements but this time added a whisper. ¡®Observable magic.¡¯

    ¡®Is that what this is all about?¡¯ asked Baron. ¡®Observable magic? Why do you think we know anything about observable magic?¡¯

    ¡®Because¡­¡¯  Brian pulled out his iPad and tapped on it. ¡®Because you said you did.¡¯

    Thomas and Baron both shot dark looks at Amy, who pretended she hadn¡¯t noticed. Amy tested her weight on the bench and thought she might be recovered enough to get up. ¡®If this is just a meeting then we¡¯re off.¡¯ She stood up and started to move towards the door, motioning Thomas and Baron to join her. ¡®Come on guys, I¡¯m sorry about all of this.¡¯

    Jim took a step and partially barred their way. ¡®I¡¯m sorry, you can¡¯t leave just yet. For health and safety reasons.¡¯

    Amy gave him a hard look. ¡®Are we invited to a meeting or detained Jim?.¡¯

    ¡®It¡¯s a meeting team! Just a meeting. But it¡¯s like a mandatory meeting that you can¡¯t leave.¡¯

    On the whole, Thomas and Baron had fallen into an attitude of resentment, but also resigned submission. Amy on the other hand could sense her feelings start to get the better of her. These two buffoons acting like everything that had happened was perfectly reasonable was grinding on her nerves. None of this was reasonable! Baron saw the clouds begin to roll over Amy¡¯s face, noticed the subtle tightening of her jaw that often preceded bad decisions. ¡®Amy¡­. Don¡¯t¡­¡¯

    Brian and Jim sensibly stepped back.

    Baron lightly touched Amy¡¯s elbow. ¡®What are you doing Amy?¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m thinking of making a mistake on these two pricks,¡¯ replied Amy.

    Baron slightly tightened his grip. ¡®Just don¡¯t, this is too much Amy, I¡¯m tired and this is scary. I just want to get out. Please let''s just get whatever this is over with¡¯.

    There was a moment then, a moment where the situation could unfold in multiple ways, including whatever way included the violence Amy seemed to be winding up for. But Baron did look scared, and even Thomas did. Of course they were scared since the mall, everything had been weird: police, a reporter, a monk, weird pub magic, a kidnapping.

    Amy let out a breath and addressed Jim. ¡®What do you want from us?¡¯

    Brian and Jim seemed to breathe out as one entity. Thomas and Baron released breaths they hadn¡¯t realised they were holding.

    ¡®I¡¯m sorry, I know this is so much. It really is mainly about your own safety,¡¯ said Jim.

    ¡®What do you want?¡¯ repeated Amy.

    ¡®First of all, we need to know exactly what happened when you saw your thief do observable magic.¡¯ replied Jim.

    Baron and Thomas looked at Amy, and she knew they were silently willing her to just tell the truth. She considered doing so but the thought of admitting how much they had lied felt exhausting and humiliating. She just needed to stall while she figured out what to do. She looked up at Jim and Brian. If observable magic is impossible, how had these guys knocked out a whole pub full of people?

    ¡®Is that how you put everyone to sleep in the pub? Can you do¡­ observable magic?¡¯

    ¡®What? No!¡¯ laughed Jim. ¡®That¡¯s probably impossible!¡¯

    ¡®Probably?¡¯ asked Thomas.

    ¡®I mean that¡¯s definitely impossible, but what did you three see? Do you really think you saw observable magic?¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯ll show you mine if you show me yours. How did you knock everyone out at the pub? There were cameras everywhere. There were people everywhere,¡¯ Amy said.

    Jim and Brian¡¯s reactions were not what any of them expected. They looked extremely pleased with themselves. They seemed very excited to be asked.

    ¡®I know right! It¡¯s actually so clever. But we can¡¯t tell you. It¡¯s very innovative and proprietary,¡¯ Jim said.

    Amy and the boys exchanged glances. This was extremely close to the words they had used when attempting to skirt the truth.

    Brian picked up where Jim left off. ¡®We can¡¯t share the details but It¡¯s probably not breaking any rules to say we kidnapped the feed from the security cameras and used a clever pattern matching algorithm, which I managed the review and purchase process of, to run face-tracking on the feed and assign a unique ID to everyone in the pub.¡¯

    ¡®And we can''t go into it,¡¯ Jim continued, ¡®but obviously once you have unique IDs for every person, you can start tracking all sorts of stuff, like how often they blink and their gaze patterns around the room.¡¯

    ¡®Well you can if you are a clever chap like Jim,¡¯ Brian said, ¡®Once you have that, a clever chap like Jim can configure a self-learning algorithm to track how often each individual is blinking and map the times different areas of the room are unobserved. Then you can create a model that predicts where those unobserved areas are likely to be in the future.¡¯

    ¡®And if you are a clever chap like Brian, you can even extend that to include predicting areas that are unobserved momentarily due to all figures gazing in that area blinking at the same time, increasing your overall valid area.¡¯

    ¡®And imagine if you then compared the predictions to the reality in real time, using the data on when the predictions were successful and where they failed to fine tune the model on the fly!¡¯

    ¡®We can¡¯t really tell you much more than that, but if you were clever enough to go into a venue before and set up some conditions¡­¡¯

    Jim and Brian looked so unbearably pleased with each other it was hard to look at.

    ¡®And if you have a couple of magicians in a nearby van, then after only a few minutes you can start to predict what areas of the room will be briefly unobserved. You can then use the predictive algorithm to programmatically shut down the feed, signal your magicians to fire a spark, then restart the feed and continue to refine your predictions.¡¯

    ¡®Bam! Magic! Bam Magic! Bam Bam! Magic!¡¯ Brain was shouting now, chopping the palm of his hand with every ¡®Bam!¡¯

    ¡®So you can¡¯t tell us any of that then,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®No! We can¡¯t!¡¯ responded Jim.

    ¡®But you just did,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Well, I suppose we did, but we shouldn¡¯t, and can¡¯t.¡¯ Brian¡¯s confidence seemed to edge away as he worked his way through the sentence.

    ¡®It¡¯s clever stuff.¡¯ said Brian very quietly.

    ¡®It is actually very clever,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®Yes,¡¯ Amy said. ¡®You are a couple of¡­ clever chaps.¡¯

    ¡¯Well I¡¯m sure your workaround was just as clever, but to be honest we¡¯re not as interested in that. Well we are, but the ministry isn¡¯t interested,¡¯ said Brain. ¡®What we need to understand is what you saw before that, your claim that you witnessed observable magic.¡¯

    Amy looked over at Baron and Thomas. She could smell their need for her to tell the truth and end this whole mess. She took in a breath and held it in for a moment. There was a soft pop from her lips and she let it out in a long exhale. ¡®If your monk had just explained that when he first came in, we probably could have avoided this whole mess.¡¯

    At that movement, with a jarring suddenness, Jim and Brian¡¯s cheerful nerd enthusiasm disappeared. Amy, Thomas, and Baron all noticed it, the change was so rapid it felt physical. They saw blood drain from Jim¡¯s face, they saw Brian, previously a constant motion of low level nervousness go utterly motionless. They saw both of them look up at the camera in the corner for the room. There was a brief but endless pause.

    ¡®What did you say?¡¯ asked Jim, in a very quiet voice. Brian took a step behind Jim and made eye contact with Amy. He very subtly shook his head.

    ¡®Ummm¡­. wasn¡¯t he with you?¡¯ asked Amy.

    Brian started shaking his head more emphatically looking at Amy with pleading eyes.

    ¡®The monk?¡¯ said Amy, a little more quietly.

    ¡®Oh no.¡¯ said Brian. Jim looked a little¡­ sad.

    Amy heard footsteps outside the room, someone running. Several people running.

    ¡®That is¡­ unfortunate. I¡¯m so sorry.¡¯

    ¡®Sorry about what?¡¯ asked Baron.

 Dogs Maw

    The door to their room opened and people poured in. Very large people, at least as large as the monk, tall men and women with broad shoulders flowing around the table in the middle of the room until no more of them could fit in. They were dressed in quasi military uniforms, cargo pants, matching polos, and disturbingly, stab vests. They swarmed around Amy, Thomas, and Baron, grabbing their arms but saying nothing.

    A woman with a grip like a dog¡¯s maw twisted Amy¡¯s arm painfully behind her back. Amy screamed at her, thrashing against the woman. ¡®¡®Let go of me you goon! What the hell is going on?¡¯ Baron had two goons to deal with, one on each side, lifting him completely off his feet as he fruitlessly kicked and jerked. Thomas was being led somewhat more gently towards the door. He looked lost and offered little resistance. Brian and Jim stepped aside to make room for what felt like an infinite number of giants as all of them were forced to march (or float in Baron¡¯s case) towards the exit.

    ¡®You probably should have mentioned you met the monk before¡­ or maybe not at all,¡¯ said Brian. ¡®I¡¯m so sorry.¡¯

    ¡®Sorry about what? What the hell is happening?¡¯ yelled Amy, she kicked and writhed but her goon had her completely immobilised.

    ¡®You can¡¯t do this! This cannot be legal,¡¯ protested Thomas. ¡®Are we being detained? Are you actually detaining us this time?¡¯

    Brain and Jim looked small and slumped, their eyes were dark and they looked as shaken as Baron. ¡®It¡¯s gone way past that,¡¯ said Jim in a small voice. This was somehow more disturbing than the goons. They were forced out of the room, down a corridor, and into another room with a thick metal door. The room stunk, a cloying smell of rotten flesh. Waiting for them inside the room were two more people in the same matching polos but noticeably thinner and more haggard looking. Amy recognised the worn out look and smug attitude immediately. Magicians. Most of the goons stayed outside with only the four restraining them and the two magicians entering the room. One of the magicians handed a pile of some black cloth to one of the guards and said ¡®Let¡¯s get this over with.¡¯

    One of the goons Baron took the cloth and shook it out. It was a bag, a hood Amy realised. A hood with no holes for a mouth or eyes. And a hood with no eye holes meant one of these scrawny pricks needed eyes off him so he could do some magic. Judging by the speed with which things were progressing and the number of goons present, that magic was not going to be anything good. Baron looked up at Amy with panic rising in his eyes.

    ¡®They¡¯re scared!¡¯ he said. Amy realised he was right, they were scared, everything about how they were acting read as panic. But why? What possible threat could Amy and her team offer? They couldn¡¯t do magic, they couldn¡¯t even run a business properly. Scared was bad, fear made people do desperate things. Amy scanned the room. It was an actual cell, concrete floors, a bunk, a toilet, a sink with a tap. The tap was running. A collection of billiard balls was arranged on the bed. Conditions. And in the corner was a pile of black¡­ something. Birds, Amy realised. That was the source of the smell. Dead birds. A collection of dead crows, at least ten, piled in a corner. Storing dead crows was illegal. It was illegal because only one category of magical effects required dead crows. A category that degraded a human body so much that it usually ended in death. One of the goons restraining Baron used his free hand to pull a hood quickly over Baron¡¯s head. Another guard pulled a hood over a terrified looking but still silent Thomas. Amy screamed, a primal scream that surprised even her, she tried to wrench her body free but the woman holding her had full control. One of the magicians approached with a hood. He looked her in the eye and she redirected her kicks from her goon towards the magician.If you encounter this story on Amazon, note that it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it.

    He stayed out of reach of her flailing legs and said to the goon ¡®Can you control her please?¡¯

    Amy¡¯s goon forced her down to her knees. She could see Baron thrashing with equal desperation and even Thomas was now shouting and trying to resist his captor, but to little effect. The magician approached with the hood and said ¡®You know why this has to happen.¡¯

    ¡®No I don¡¯t you bloody idiot! We have NO idea what is happening!¡¯ Amy shouted. The magician pulled the hood over Amy¡¯s head. It felt rough against Amy¡¯s face. The hood didn¡¯t block out all the light but she couldn¡¯t see through it, despite the roughness of its weave. It muffled the sounds of Thomas and Baron¡¯s struggling but didn¡¯t eliminate them. And it made no difference to the smell of rot from the corner.

    She heard the magician say ¡®Close your eyes.¡¯ to the goons. Amy tensed. Then her stomach clenched. Even through her terror she recognised the sensation. ¡®Here it comes,¡¯ she thought. There was a flash, even though the hood it was blinding. Amy could hear shouting, not from Thomas and Barron but from¡­ the goons? The magician? Another clench in her stomach and suddenly she was off her feet, for just a moment she was in the air, then she hit the ground, it felt like she landed on her goon. Incredibly, her goon still had that iron grip on her arm. There was more shouting, panicked, she could hear banging on the door. Her goon¡¯s grip fell away. Amy reached up and pulled off her hood, staggering to her feet. She was facing the door, which was still closed, her ears were ringing and the room seemed impossibly bright. She could dimly hear people shouting and banging on the other side of the door. Her stomach was wrecked and she still felt widely nauseous. She fell onto her hands and knees and threw up violently, spilling what used to be coffee and pastries all over the floor. It did not make her feel better. She raised her head and wiped her mouth, squinting against the glare she saw nothing but chaos.The goons and magicians were scattered across the small room, unconscious or maybe even dead. She could see Baron and Thomas, who also seemed to have escaped whatever knocked out everyone else and were pulling off their hoods. The sink was on the floor. It had been ripped out of the wall.

    ¡®What the actual¡­ what happened?¡¯ she gasped.

    Thomas and Baron just looked at her, mouths open, not saying anything.

    ¡®Are you guys alright? We have to get out, we have to find another way out of this room!¡¯

    Thomas and Baron continued to say nothing, mouths still open.

    ¡®Guys! We have to get it together! We can¡¯t get out through that door, is there another way out of here?¡¯ Amy¡¯s nausea was not getting better and she felt another cramp coming on. Thomas pointed at her. His mouth continued to gape. Amy realised he was pointing behind her. She turned her head. Behind her, floating just in front of the rear wall was a white disc that stretched just short of the height of the room. It was the source of the glare, emitting a pulsating and stuttering light that was spinning wildly. She thought she could see a figure in the glare, impossible to resolve against the unnatural backlight. Someone else apart from them had survived the chaos. Or, she realised, had caused the chaos. The figure stepped forward blocking out a little more of the light and allowing her to make out some details in its silhouette.

    Recognition bloomed and Amy spoke. ¡®Greg?¡¯

    <b>End of Part 1</b>

    <b>Part 2 starts January 13</b>

 A Low Hum

    Gregor ushered them towards what had previously been the back wall, ¡®Quickly, this way.¡¯

    Amy realised the blinding light was from the headlights of a very non magical looking van parked outside the new hole Gregor had made. It was unclear to her if the van had rammed the wall or if something more complicated had happened. Baron and Thomas staggered towards the new exit but Amy hesitated. Gregor looked down at her and said ¡®Hurry Amy, we only have moments.¡¯

    Amy didn¡¯t move. She couldn¡¯t stop her hands shaking. So much had happened so quickly, too much for her to process, adrenaline and fear were not bringing the clarity she needed to make good decisions. She realised she wasn¡¯t making decisions anyway, and hadn¡¯t made a decision of her own since the debacle at the pub. She was just a rag doll being thrown from one situation to another with no understanding of what was happening other than the growing realisation that people might be trying to kill her. She didn¡¯t even know why. Gregor¡¯s appearance had the shape and size of a rescue but she knew as little about the Monk as she did about the Department of Health and Aged Care.

    ¡®You¡¯re not with them?¡¯ she asked.

    Gregor shook his head. ¡®No, they want to do to us what they almost did to you.¡¯

    ¡®What? What were they going to do to us?¡¯ Amy eyed the pile of crows, resisting the obvious implications.

    ¡®I think you know Amy, we don¡¯t have time for this. Whatever you think about us it can¡¯t be worse than this.¡¯

    ¡®Why does everybody think we know anything?! Isn¡¯t it clear we have no idea what is happening?

    ¡®Come on Amy!¡¯ shouted Thomas, he was climbing into the van through a side door, a little recovered from the shock of whatever had just happened. Seeing no better options, but despising her apparent inability to effect this chain of events, Amy forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and climbed into the van. Inside the van Amy saw it had blacked out windows and no seats. Baron and Thomas were already sitting on the floor along with another man. Gregory climbed in and closed the door behind him. The monk climbed into the driver''s seat and started a low hum. The front windows were as black and as all the other windows in the van.

    ¡®Why are you humming? Aren¡¯t you going to drive?¡¯ pleaded Thomas. ¡®Why are the windows black! This does not feel like a well organised rescue.¡¯

    Amy took a look at the other person in the van and for the second time in a minute recognised someone she had not expected to ever see again.

    ¡®You!¡¯ she said. The other man was tall, lanky, had his hands zip tied behind his back, and was wearing a familiar black Pantera t-shirt.

    ¡®You!¡¯ responded Janik, with a look of shock that mirrored Amy¡¯s. ¡®Are you the reason for all this?¡¯

    Amy, Thomas and Baron shared a series of looks as they each recognised the magician from the mall at slightly different times.

    ¡®I don¡¯t know,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®Maybe.¡¯

    ¡®What did you do? You¡¯ve got us on the wrong side of some heavy people.¡¯

    ¡®I don¡¯t know! How do we know it wasn¡¯t you? You¡¯re an actual thief! We didn¡¯t do anything, I don¡¯t know why people are overestimating us so much! Could itbe more obvious that we have no idea what we¡¯re doing! So either you did something, or they think we did something and they have no idea what they are doing. So no one knows what anyone is doing, or why we are sitting in a van that is <i>not driving away</i>! Hey! Greg! Are we going or what?¡¯Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.

    The monk stopped humming, muttered ¡®We are already gone.¡¯ then resumed his monotone.

    That was too much enigmatic nonsense for Amy. ¡®Not fast enough. Come on boys.¡¯

    She reached for the door and pulled on it. It was locked.

    ¡®No! This is bullshit! You haven¡¯t rescued us! You¡¯ve just abducted us again!¡¯

    Baron scurried over to Amy. ¡®You think so?¡¯

    ¡®This door is locked from the outside, and look at that bogan from the mall, his hands are bound!¡¯

    Baron joined Amy in pulling the door. ¡®Help! Open the door!¡¯

    Janik rolled his eyes. ¡®Calm down you idiots. The government grabbed me, then the monks did, just like you I suspect. My hands are only tied because this is how they were when the monk grabbed me. But this is probably a kind of rescue of sorts. And there¡¯s a good reason why the door is locked.¡¯

    Baron continued to pull on the door with Amy but with slightly less violence. ¡®Why else would it be locked?¡¯

    ¡®The monk there is dampening everything so you can¡¯t feel it, but I recognise the humming. Open the window and look out.¡¯

    Amy and Baron looked at each other. Thomas reached for the window controls and surprisingly the window obediently went down about halfway. He tentatively peeked outside. A confused look crossed over his face, and he pulled himself up, put his head out the window as best he could and looked down. He pulled his head back in the window and opened his mouth but instead of explaining what he saw he just let it hang open silently.

    ¡®What?¡¯ said Amy.

    For a moment Thomas just continued to sit there with his mouth open. Then he closed it and reached up and closed the window.

    This time when Thomas opened his mouth, words came out. ¡®We¡¯re flying.¡¯

    Amy and Baron shuffled over to the window and reopened it, all three of them now crowding to look through it. Both Amy and Baron¡¯s mouths fell open exactly as Thomas¡¯ had. They were drifting about five meters above the streets of Kings Cross, silently and slowly making their way towards Potts Point and the harbour, gaining altitude as they went. The people below were so close Amy felt like she could have reached out and touched them, but they paid no attention to the floating van at all. For a moment they were quiet, lost in the marvel of this silent, slow moving spectacle.

    ¡®We¡¯re flying? Why is no one looking? Why can¡¯t they see us?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®I don¡¯t know any magic that makes you invisible.¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®This flying van thing is old magic¡¯ contributed Janik from the floor. ¡®People used to travel like this all the time before modern aviation. It¡¯s a really slow, expensive, and inefficient way to travel but I guess it¡¯s better than being murdered. The invisibility thing is ¡­. new but I think I know what they are doing. Can one of you untie me now please?¡¯

    ¡®I don¡¯t think so Pantera man, I like you this way. I don¡¯t trust you any more than I trust the government goons or this weirdo humming in the corner.

    ¡®Mmmmm my name is Gregor mmmmmm¡¯ Gregor intoned from the corner.

    ¡®Yeah we know Greg! But we don¡¯t trust any of you!¡¯ shouted Amy.

    Gregor turned his neck to shout at them from the driver''s seat. ¡®It¡¯s not Greg! It¡¯s Gregor! Name¡¯s are important!¡¯. The van immediately began to drift towards the ground, and Amy and Thomas began shrieking.

    ¡®Gregor!¡¯ shouted Janik, ¡®Hum!¡¯

    Gregor resumed his low monotone hum and the van resumed its sluggish ascent, leaving the edge of Potts Point and drifting out into the harbour. Greg shuffled to face Amy and Thomas, who looked shaken, it was impossible to tell if it was from embarrassment at their high pitched shrieking or from the shock of plummeting to the ground.

    ¡®Leave him! Levitating an object this size is complex and difficult magic, if you want to survive just shut up and sit down.¡¯

    Baron closed the window and all three slumped to the ground.

    ¡®We¡¯re sorry Gregor,¡¯ said Thomas.

    Amy kicked him in the thigh, ¡®We¡¯re not sorry! He¡¯s kidnapped us! Well he might have. Or he rescued us I guess, possibly.¡¯ She released a long tightly held breath. ¡®I¡¯m sorry Gregor. Names <i>are </i>important.¡¯

    Gregor continued his low humming.

    ¡®I¡¯m Janik.¡¯

    Amy gave Janik a long look. ¡®What a stupid name.¡¯

 A Good Van, Very Safe

    The van continued its drift into the harbour, rising to clear some trees then settling into an altitude just above the ferries churning in and out of Circular Quay. Baron saw the lights of a ferry coming up behind them, travelling in the same direction but at a more reasonable pace. It passed directly underneath and he could see passengers crowding the city side of the deck taking pictures of the Opera House and each other. They were so close he could hear the passenger¡¯s conversations as they shouted above the ferry¡¯s diesel engines, see their various patterns of baldness, read the logos on their baseball caps. Despite this closeness the van seemed to be completely unnoticed as they drifted above the ferry. It was like a dream.

    ¡®Flying smells bad,¡¯ said Thomas.

    ¡®That¡¯s the goat shit,¡¯ answered Janik, inexplicably.

    ¡®I think ¡­ I think they really can¡¯t see us,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®That¡¯s impossible Baron, magic can¡¯t do that.¡¯ said Amy, squeezing her head out the window next to him to get a look at the ferry.

    Janik was also trying to look out the window but his tied hands restricted his ability to be pushy. ¡®It¡¯s possible, I was close to doing this. At the mall where you were in fact. If you can set conditions to affect light rays before they are observed by anyone you can bend them out of the way. At night no one would be able to even see the dark area in the sky this would leave. But it¡¯s advanced magic, this is the first time I¡¯ve seen anyone other than myself do it.¡¯

    ¡®Please!¡¯ Amy rolled her eyes then went into a very good impersonation of Janik¡¯s voice. ¡®Only advanced magicians like a mysterious monk or a powerful bogan can do it.¡¯

    She lapsed back into her normal speaking voice. ¡®You magicians are always so pleased with yourselves. The monk <i>maybe</i>. Maybe he could do it, but I can¡¯t see that kind of trick coming from you. He¡¯s making a van fly by humming! You can¡¯t even steal community art.¡¯

    Janik didn¡¯t have the energy to argue. He hadn¡¯t slept since the mall. He hadn¡¯t gone this long without a drink for a year. He sat back down on the floor of the van.

    ¡®Whatever. But I¡¯ll tell you this, flying is old magic. Every magician, even ¡°bogans¡±, know<i> how</i> to do it. But we don¡¯t because it¡¯s a slow, dangerous, and stupid way to fly. The fact that we are slowly drifting to who knows where in this piece of crap only shows that this rescue, if that¡¯s what it is, was put together in a hurry. No one flies using magic if there are any other options.¡¯

    Gregor piped up from the front, ¡®Mmmmm not crap mmmm good van, high safety rating mmmm¡¯.

    They all turned to stare at the back of Gregor¡¯s head.

    ¡®I guess we know who owns the van.¡¯ said Thomas.

    Flying was indeed one of the first effects the communities who nurtured early magic discovered as they developed their abilities and built their libraries of conditions. In the late 16th century, when magic was still largely confined to religious communities, a German protestant monk named Johan told his brothers that he had mastered the art of flying. He informed them that drinking exactly one jar of very strong beer, smearing goat faeces in regular shaped clumps on a wall that was at least 40% clay, and holding a piece of hessian in his mouth, while humming, created the conditions necessary for him to levitate just above the ground and travel in any direction he willed.

    His brothers were sceptical, primarily because all of Johan¡¯s conditions seemed to involve drinking one or more jars of very strong beer. Johan organised a demonstration, setting up his conditions in his own room (presumably the goat faeces condition limited his options in this matter). When he was ready he asked his fellow monks to step outside to create an unobserved area where he could perform his spark. He closed the door and a few minutes later opened it again and pronounced his demonstration a success. The other monks conferred and agreed to record a response to this demonstration of (when roughly translated into modern English) ¡®Sure, I guess¡¯. Never forget, that due to the phenomena of any observation of a magic effect immediately collapsing it, most historical records regarding magic are deeply stupid.

    The dream of flying was held tightly though, and over the next hundred years communities in both Europe and Africa developed a technique where an interior unseen area could be magically charged to be lighter than air, allowing it to fly. In the mid 17th century in Europe baskets were attached to giant barrels, and a magician would charge the air inside the barrel, changing it to a lighter than air substance called ¡®aaeron¡¯. The barrels would rise into the air taking the basket with it. Controlling the direction of the basket was difficult however, and the effect needed to be continuously recharged by a magician travelling with the barrels, an exhausting process.This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

    Even though magic had started to spread beyond religious communities by then, magicians were still extremely rare, so having a magician on hand for an entire flight was an horrendously expensive effort. The first successful flight of a non-magically charged hot air balloon in Versailles in the late 1700s put an almost immediate end to magically powered flight. Hot air balloons were cheaper, safer, and less annoying. Some magically assisted flight remained popular, but primarily as a way to demonstrate wealth and status. The successful flying and landing of a mechanically powered heavier than air machine in the early 1900s by Richard Pearse in New Zealand finally put magically assisted flying to rest. Like a lot of magical effects it was just too expensive compared to more robust mechanical or electronic approaches. But sometimes you needed a discrete airborne exit, and the only thing you have at hand is a van.

    The van¡¯s lazy passage continued, and with no actions available to them, no idea how long they would be travelling, and no idea where they were going, its occupants eventually fell into a helpless silence. Janik slumped in the corner and Amy, Baron, and Thomas took turns looking out the window. After a time they drifted over Manly, floating low over the  broad pedestrian street that joined the ferry terminal on one side with the beach on the other. Baron watched the pools of light from the street lamps, crowds of people moving up and down the street, a group of drunks spilling out of a bar. He heard a child shrieking with laughter and watched as her father chased her in circles around a bollard. Baron realised that if they kept going in this direction they would pass over the surf beach and directly out to sea.

    He was seized with panic at the thought of leaving the street life below him for the empty black sea beyond behind and started screaming out the window, ¡®Hey! Hey look up! Help! Get someone to help us! We¡¯re being kidnapped, we think, possibly!¡¯

    No one looked up. They drifted over the beach, illuminated with lights from Manly¡¯s hotels and restaurants, and out to sea.

    ¡®Mmmmm can¡¯t see mmm or hear us mmmm sorry mmmm.¡¯ confirmed Gregor.

    ¡®Yeah, I figured as much,¡¯ said Baron. He rested his head on the window and settled into a numb and hopeless wait, hunger gnawing at him.

    ¡®Mmmmmm not kidnapped mmmm.¡¯

    ¡®That¡¯s what the Department of Age and Healthcare said¡¯ muttered Amy quietly.

    Several hours passed in near silence. The only sounds were Gregor¡¯s continued humming and the occasional soft crash as waves collided, forming slow moving white heads. There is no sound associated with magical flying, just a faint smell of excrement. The lights from Manly were no longer visible but the swell just a few meters below reflected enough moonlight to create a hypnotic sense of open sea movement. A strange sense of helpless calm permeated the van. As the hours went by they fell into a waiting state, lulled by the humming monk and the occasional soft crash of waves, each lost in their own thoughts. Many of those thoughts consisted about missing out on the sandwiches they had been offered before their rescue. It was Amy who finally broke the silence.

    ¡®So it this us now? We all just live in this van floating above the sea? With no sandwiches?¡¯

    Janik, who had been napping in the corner, opened one eye, ¡®When you see where we¡¯re going you might look back fondly on this van.¡¯

    ¡®Do you know where we¡¯re going?¡¯ Thomas asked.

    Janik shuffled to a sitting position. ¡®No. I don¡¯t know what¡¯s happening. You must know something. Who¡¯s the monk?¡¯

    ¡®We don¡¯t know.¡¯ answered Thomas. ¡®Well we know his name is Greg. Gregor I mean, sorry Greg. He came to our office after we stopped you at the mall and told us we had to come with him. But we didn¡¯t, then the department of whatever people grabbed us. The mall is the link right? That¡¯s the only thing we have in common. Is it the painting? Is the painting special?¡¯

    Janik delivered a derisive snort. ¡®No! The painting isn¡¯t even important to the people who wanted to steal it.¡¯

    ¡®Then why were you trying to steal it?¡¯

    ¡®Some petty vendetta from the artists¡¯ family. I don''t know, I was just there for the money. Look it could be the painting but I don¡¯t think so. My guess is someone saw the newspaper story about you idiots and thinks something important happened, but I don¡¯t what. And judging by the type of people who have taken interest, they think that something was magical. But I have no idea why.¡¯

    ¡®But how did they know to grab you then?¡¯ interjected Amy. ¡®The story didn¡¯t mention you. No one knew who you were.¡¯

    This stopped Janik in his tracks. Amy¡¯s observation was obvious, but had never occurred to him. The thought that his drinking might have dulled him permanently, even when he was sober, gnawed at the edge of his brain.

    ¡®I don¡¯t know. The government types were waiting for me when I got home. Maybe the cops had traced me back from the mall but the questions they asked me were weird. They were no cops, they asked nothing about what I was stealing, just about the magic I used, and what magic I¡¯d seen you use. Then your monk smashes down a wall, I get knocked out, and next thing I know I¡¯m sitting in this van, and you all start climbing in.¡¯

    ¡®What magic did you tell them you used? What magic did you tell them <i>we </i>used?¡¯

    ¡®Just the usual tricks from me, I didn¡¯t mention light bending. I never got a chance to try it. I didn¡¯t see you use any magic, and that¡¯s what I told them. I can¡¯t make head or tail of it. I just want to go home.¡¯

    Amy looked down at her feet, ¡®Well, I know how you feel. but I¡¯m not ready to go home yet. I¡¯m sick of being handed around with no say in the matter. I want some answers. I want this stupid bloody magic van to land and for someone to tell me what the hell is going on.¡¯

    Baron, who was leaning his head on the window watching the waves, spoke up. ¡®Well, good news then. I think we¡¯re here.¡¯

 A Sandwich Would be Amazing

    Ahead of them they could see a change in the surface of the ocean. There was a defined line where chop and deep swell transitioned into a glassy surface, perfectly still and flat. The reflected moonlight made the area look luminous, and there was no visible end to this change in conditions. They passed, very slowly, over the line. There was an immediate change in conditions, the sounds of the waves completely silenced, the breeze stilled. They drifted a little more, getting lower, and then, with no warning, lights. Hundreds of lights. The flat sea ahead of them burst with lights, as if a curtain had suddenly been pulled away. What looked like hundreds of windows floating above the water and reflected perfectly below it. As they got closer, they saw that many of the window lights were actual windows, sitting in wooden towers that rose out of the sea. Baron and Amy had their heads fully out of the windows by that point, like dogs collecting scents.

    ¡®What do you see?¡¯ demanded Thomas.

    ¡®I ¡­. You have to look. I don¡¯t have the words.¡¯ responded Amy.

    ¡®Me too.¡¯ said Janik, and both Janik and Thomas tried to get their heads through the small window alongside Amy and Baron.

    They floated lower and closed in on the lights, still at the same excruciating dream pace. Details were starting to resolve now, as well as windows they could see large circular doors that had been opened to balconies, and backlit figures on the balconies observing them as they inched closer.

    ¡®It goes down!¡¯ exclaimed Baron. Amy followed Baron¡¯s gaze and realised that the lights continued down under the water, there were as many lights under the calm surface as there were in the towers protruding above it.

    ¡®What the hell is this place?¡¯ Janik asked in a hushed and slightly awed tone.

    ¡®I wonder if they have sandwiches.¡¯ added Thomas.

    The van was only centimeters above the water now and ahead of them a vertical crack of light appeared. The base was flush with the water and it was taller than all of the wooden towers arranged around it. The light grew wider and Amy realised it was two doors opening, more than wide enough to receive the van, which eased smoothly between them. The van¡¯s gradual descent ended with an almost imperceptible transfer of weight to its wheels, it rolled forward a few meters, then came to rest. Gregor collapsed forward, his head falling on the steering wheel with a thump.

    Baron scrambled to the monk¡¯s side, ¡®Gregor! Are you alright?¡¯Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

    The van¡¯s door slid open, and before the occupants could rush out, three men dressed in the same robes as Gregor rushed in, pushed past Jaink and the security crew, and lifted Gergor out of his seat.

    ¡®Will he be ok?¡¯ asked Amy.

    These monks shared Gregor¡¯s oversized physique, and lifted him easily out of his seat and towards the van¡¯s door. One of them looked towards Amy who noticed they also shared Gregor¡¯s thick beard.

    The monk looking at Amy, who had a dark curly beard and eyebrows that matched spoke, ¡®He is exhausted. But he will be fine. He needs rest and support from our health and safety healers¡¯.

    It was shocking to hear the phrase ¡®health and safety¡¯ in this setting. Such a modern and mundane phrase to encounter inside a floating city of towers.

    The monk continued, he had the same accent as Gregor, almost Scottish but not quite. ¡®Gregor has a kind heart, but he¡¯s a dimwit. He should have left you with those charlatans to die. You have no power. Gregor has power, but he squanders it on idiots like you.¡¯

    Amy was shocked at his hostility, ¡®We didn¡¯t ask him to rescue us!¡¯.

    Another Monk entered the van, considerably smaller and thinner than the three monks removing Gregor. ¡®Enough Dinesh. That isn¡¯t helpful. Come with me children. We¡¯ll get you some food. You must be starving. What a remarkable use of magic on Gregor¡¯s part. The distance you have travelled propelled only by Gregor¡¯s will power, incredible.

    ¡®Children? I¡¯m 27,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®But I am starving.¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m 35,¡¯ chipped in Janik. ¡®Just since we¡¯re listing ages. Can you untie me monk? My wrists are rubbed raw.¡¯

    The monk snapped all four of his fingers and the plastic tie binding Janik¡¯s wrists fell to the floor. It stopped all four of the non-monks in their tracks. The audacity of it. The display of raw power, no conditions, eyes open, so casually executed. He just clicked his fingers. Like a magic man at a child¡¯s birthday party doing a trick. Janik looked like he had been physically struck.

    ¡®It¡¯s a scam. It must be,¡¯ said Amy, just as confused and triggered by what she has just seen as Janik was.

    The monk ignored her. ¡®Get out of this van. We have a look to talk about.¡¯

    They climbed out of the van into a large space with a high arched ceiling and polished wooden floors. The large doors they had entered through were closing behind the van. The arch motif continued in the windows, one in each wall stretching from the floor to just shy of the ceiling. Out of each window they could see the lights of the other towers. Something seemed wrong about the towers to Amy. They seemed to be growing. She noticed water starting to rise at the bottom of the windows. With a start she realised the towers weren¡¯t growing taller, their room was moving down into the water.

    ¡®Oh,¡¯ she said. ¡®This room is sinking!¡¯

    ¡®It¡¯s submerging¡¯ said the skinny monk. ¡®It¡¯s a small difference but an important one I¡¯m sure you agree.¡¯

    The strangest thing in the space was by far Gregor¡¯s van. The van itself was a fairly typical Hyundai trade van, white and long with painted over rear windows. But crudely welded to the top of it was a large steel barrel, as tall as the van itself.

    ¡®What on earth is in that?¡¯ asked Amy.

    ¡®Aaeron and goat shit.¡¯ replied Janik.

    Amy stared at him uncomprehendingly.

    ¡®Come on. We have food for you.¡¯ said the monk.

    ¡®A sandwich would be amazing.¡¯ said Thomas.

 Power, Snacks

    The monk led them into a small side room flooded with warm light from a tall window on the far wall. The light streamed from the surface of the water above them, visible just above the top of the window, providing enough subdued illumination to see a low table covered in small steaming dishes, the first real food they had seen since the pub. Large cushions were arranged around the table, one of which was occupied by a very small old woman wearing the same coarse wrap-around robe and pants shared by all the monks they had seen so far. Her age was hard to judge. Everything about her appearance from her papery skin to her sunken cheeks suggested age, but her straight posture, clear eyes, and fluid movements were a direct contradiction. The room smelt spectacular. There were side dishes of Kimchi, tempura, and what looked like boiled meats in some kind of hot sauce. Amy saw bowls of soup heavy with vegetables giving off a spicy savoury aroma that made her mouth water instantly. There were several piles of bread rolls, boiled potatoes, cheeses, and other treats with no obvious culinary theme.

    The old woman gestured at them, ¡®Sit. You can go now Lo.¡¯

    Her accent was different to Gregor¡¯s, but like Gregor¡¯s it was hard to place. It sounded generically European to Amy¡¯s ears, infuriatingly non specific. The other monk gave a small, fast bow and exited the room, leaving them alone with their host. They took their places around the table. Amy looked at the dishes arranged for them and her stomach audibly rumbled. She hadn¡¯t eaten for so long, but she resisted the urge to gorge herself. She did not feel any safer here than she had in the government murder dungeon.

    ¡®Eat,¡¯ repeated the old woman.

    Her ¡®eat¡¯ felt more like an order than an invitation. Amy bit back on her hunger and folded her arms. Thomas, Baron, and Janik had no such reservations apparently. Baron was spooning Kimchi into his mouth so rapidly that red sauce was dripping down his chin. Janik was demolishing small boiled potatoes at the same pace. And Thomas had found a sandwich. Amy picked up a bread roll and bit into it. It was perfect. A crisp outer layer crumbled easily in her mouth and the fluffy insides tasted like butter. She thought she was going to cry. Only bread made with magic could taste like this. She hated how wonderful it was.

    ¡®Not a thank you from any of you?¡¯ said the elderly monk.

    Amy stopped gorging herself on buns long enough to consider their host.

    ¡®I appreciate the food. I¡¯m maybe grateful for what might be a rescue. But we didn¡¯t ask for any of this. We have been shoved around from evil civil servants to ginger kung fu monks with no control over any of it. Who even are you?¡¯

    The old woman sighed and looked down. ¡®Kung fu monks ¡­ bulk or strength aren¡¯t valued here, but Gregor¡¯s order defends our interests in the outside world and we like to keep our tools sharp. But I don¡¯t think he knows kung fu.¡¯

    Her gaze swung up, locking on Amy. ¡®In a better world Amy, you wouldn''t need to know who we are, you wouldn¡¯t even know we exist. In a better world you wouldn''t be here ungratefully gorging yourself on our food. Gregor took a huge risk rescuing you. And it was a rescue. You would be dead now if it weren¡¯t for him.¡¯

    Amy felt she was losing control of the conversation. ¡®How do you even know my name? What are you even talking about?¡¯

    ¡®I know all your names,¡® the monk said with a coldsmile. ¡®Amy, Thomas, Baron, Janik. Knowing your name is the least of my abilities.¡¯

    ¡®Yes, yes, you¡¯re very magic and special and can use the mighty forces of magic to learn names,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®You didn¡¯t answer the question. But I understand that as a magic user it¡¯s hard to fit everything in with all the bragging you have to do.¡¯

    ¡®You are here because of Gregor,¡¯ said the Monk, continuing to ignore Amy¡¯s question. ¡®Gregor has been expressly forbidden from interfering in the affairs of the mundane world. But for reasons of his own he chose to rescue you. He is a powerful magic user but he is sentimental and thinks he is above our laws. Even the ones put in place for his own protection. This is not his first ¡­ debacle.¡¯The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

    ¡®Rescue us from what?¡¯ Thomas said, taking a brief break from eating sandwiches. ¡®Don''t you understand we have no idea what is going on?¡¯

    The monk switched her gaze from Amy to Thomas, and for a short time stared at him wordlessly. This was enough to bring Thomas¡¯ sandwich consumption to a full halt.

    ¡®Are you afraid of us?¡¯ she said.

    Thomas said nothing, he looked longingly at his half eaten sandwich.

    It was Amy who responded. ¡®Should we be? It¡¯s clear you think we¡¯re annoying, but to be honest it¡¯s really not clear what you want from us.¡¯

    The monk ignored her and turned her attention to Janik.

    ¡®You are a magician Janik.¡¯ said the monk.

    ¡®I know.¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®Are you a powerful magician? Do people tremble in your presence?

    ¡®No, I¡¯m an alcoholic with multiple personality problems, some of which are probably disorders. But I¡¯m a good magician.¡¯

    The monk smiled wordlessly. A smug smile that Amy had a strong desire to slap off her face.

    ¡®What?¡¯ said Amy, ¡®Why are you looking so pleased with yourself.¡¯

    The monk continued to ignore her. ¡®You don¡¯t even know what magic is Janik.¡¯

    Janik stared at her for a moment, expressionless, trying to parse what the monk might mean. He felt so sober. He had no idea what was happening or how to proceed.

    Then, for lack of any better ideas, in his best belligerently whiny voice he said ¡®You don''t even know what magic is Janik¡¯

    He put his food down. ¡®That¡¯s you, that¡¯s what you sound like.¡¯

    Any snorted into her bread roll.

    The monk raised a fist and slammed it down on the  table. The sound of impact had no relation to the small wrists and boney hand that made contact with the table. It was sharp, amplified. It echoed through the room and Janik was thrown violently from his seated position into the air, landing with a crack half way up the wall behind him, and sliding down into a lump on the ground.

    ¡®What the hell?¡¯ shouted Amy, jumping to her feet. The monk had set no conditions and they were all looking straight at her and Janik when Janik had flown across the room.

    ¡®What is happening?¡¯ shouted Thomas, also on his feet.

    The monk raised her other hand, and in a voice so unnaturally loud it made Amy¡¯s eyeballs vibrate, shouted ¡®Sit down!¡¯

    They all obeyed. These displays of magic, so open, no conditions, no demure averting of the gaze, felt obscene.

    ¡®None of you know what magic is! You spend all your time arranging your trinkets and creating your little sparks. We have practiced magic for thousands of years, long before your priests and shamans started piling their bones and closing their eyes to turn stones into water. You have no idea what real magic is!¡¯

    The sense of threat was palpable. Janik let out a low groan from the corner. Amy, Thomas, and Baron sat silently, not even daring to look at each other. Long ingrained habits caused them to instinctively keep their eyes on the monk, even though it was becoming increasingly apparent that the norms and natural laws of magic were irrelevant here.

    The monk continued. ¡®We are part of an unbroken line of magic users that goes back thousands of years. Your restrictions do not apply to us, and if you aren¡¯t afraid you should be. Your government is. They fear our power, they are terrified of it. But we are not the threat. We are not interested in you, we have no intention of harming you. Magically gifted or not, you are of no consequence to us. All we want is to protect those who are gifted as we are. The so called Department of Health and Aged Care covers up an agency that is solely focused on finding and killing real magic users. We find the gifted first. We invite them into our order, nurture and protect them.¡¯

    There was a pause while the small monk seemed to compose herself.

    ¡®Are we gifted?¡¯ said Baron.

    The small monk looked surprised. ¡®Deal lord no. Not even slightly.¡¯

    ¡®Oh, you aren¡¯t going to nurture us then?¡¯

    ¡®I don¡¯t even like giving you my Kimchi.¡¯

    She gestured towards Amy. ¡®This one is sensitive. Very sensitive. We have to damp down the residual magic continuously to stop her throwing up on our floors.¡¯

    She turned to Janik. ¡®You are ¡­ clever. But not especially gifted. You¡¯re a hack. None of you are special.¡¯

    ¡®Ouch.¡¯ said Thomas.

    ¡®Despite your ordinariness however, the department thinks one of you is magically gifted. They are wrong, I sense no power here.¡¯

    ¡®No power! We¡¯re all mid! We get it!¡¯ shouted Amy.

    ¡®No power at all.¡¯ said the monk. ¡®But that doesn¡¯t matter. It¡¯s irrelevant. They think you are gifted and they won¡¯t rest until they have put you down.¡¯

    Another pause, the monk looked them over, and no one dared break eye contact.

    ¡®We are not merciless,¡¯ she said. ¡®We are not them. You can stay here with us. We will find a use for you here, we will keep you safe.¡¯

    ¡®For how long?¡¯ Baron asked.

    ¡®If you step outside of our protection, if you leave this city, you are as good as dead. I am sorry. But for as long as you live now, you live with us.¡¯

 Shouting

    The rest of the meal followed a now familiar pattern. Amy shouted belligerent questions at the monk. The monk responded with a monologue unrelated to Amy¡¯s question, primarily focused on her great and fearsome powers. Amy then shouted some more at the monk, employing sarcasm and undirected rage as blunt instruments with little effect. In response the monk monologued some more, and Amy shouted some more. Janik, Thomas, and Baron ate as much as they could and watched the show of these two talking at each other but never with each other. Without the fuel of Amy¡¯s apparently endless appetite for confrontation they were too weighed down by trauma and fatigue to participate. Janik occasionally interjected to ask for alcohol and was repeatedly denied or ignored. Eventually even Amy and the Monk seemed to flag, and the ¡®guests¡¯ were promised the arrangement could be discussed tomorrow in exchange for leaving the monk alone and getting some rest. As they were led out of the dining room by a silent monk who approximated the size and beadiness of Gregor, the old monk lobbed one more reminder of her authority at them. ¡®This discussion is a courtesy, not a negotiation.¡¯

    They were led down a corridor, then up a winding staircase, to a large room with a single window. The room had tatami style floors laid with tightly bound straw, and bedding consisting of thin mattresses, pillows, and light duvets. Janik collapsed on the closest mattress.

    ¡®Yes.¡¯ Janik rolled from side to side, pulling the duvet over himself. ¡®Yes.¡¯

    ¡®He really likes that bed,¡¯ said Baron.

    Baron walked over to the window. The sun was up fully now, though still low in the sky. This room was above the water line and he could see the wooden towers more clearly, sticking out of the water out at irregular intervals from each other. He realised the towers were slightly cone shaped, their walls curving gracefully into blunt tips. The lack of texture in the calm water made the horizon where flat blue sea meets flat blue water difficult to distinguish. The towers sat on perfect reflections of themselves which led to the impression that they were elongated eggs floating in space. Baron could see more monks moving backwards and forwards through the windows in some of the other towers, and wondered where Gregor was. To his astonishment Bradon realised the monks he could see through the windows didn¡¯t match their reflected counterparts. He wasn¡¯t looking at the reflection of each tower, but was seeing the submerged lower half of each tower through the crystal clear water. Each tower was perfectly symmetrical and floating in the water at exactly it¡¯s midpoint. Did these towers also submerge like this one had when they needed to?

    ¡®This place is incredible,¡¯ said Baron.

    He looked behind him and saw Janik sliding deeper into his duvet, Thomas easing himself onto one of the mattresses, and Amy standing darkly in the corner. None had heard him. He decided that was fine. He would keep this moment for himself.

    Amy looked at Jaink, already almost asleep on his mattress. ¡®Don¡¯t they have beds in whatever junkie slop hole you squat in?¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®Amy!¡¯ interjected Thomas. ¡®Come on ¡­¡¯

    Janik didn¡¯t seem to care. ¡®I¡¯m tired. We all are. This is a very comfortable bed. You should get some sleep.¡¯

    Janik wasn¡¯t wrong, the bed did look good. It looked crisp, expensive. And she was tired. Tired in her bones, exhausted from having the rug pulled from under every five minutes and from her own constant rage. But someone had to try and wrestle control of what was happening, someone had to rage. And Amy had a little rage left in her. Not useful rage. Even Amy recognised that her rage was impotent and misdirected. But it was hers, and it made her feel like she was doing something. She reached deep and found some pointless spite.

    ¡®Even without a drink Janik?¡¯

    ¡®I know you think you¡¯re being mean, but actually I would very much like a drink.¡¯

    ¡®They don¡¯t seem to like alcohol here,¡¯ said Baron, making himself comfortable on one of the mattresses.

    ¡®You know what? That¡¯s fine. It¡¯s actually easier when it¡¯s just not an option,¡¯ He shrugged himself into a more comfortable position. ¡®Maybe I <i>should</i> stay here. Maybe this is good for me.¡¯If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

    ¡®As if we have a choice,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®We do have a choice!¡¯ said Amy, ¡®Or we should have a choice! Why does every idiot who can do magic think it¡¯s ok to just kidnap someone?¡¯

    Amy noticed that at some point she had sat down on one of the mattresses. It was treacherously soft.

    ¡®Well shouting at everyone doesn''t seem to be working for us,¡¯ said Baron.

    Amy winced. ¡®Well, that seems quite pointed Baron. But fair point. Whatever we are doing is not working for us. And it¡¯s exhausting. But we need to break out of just being pulled passively from disaster to shit show. Things are happening so fast that if we keep going like this we are going to sleep walk into being house elves for these cosplay pricks. From now on we stop reacting and resist. If they say go left, we go right. If they say jump, we sit down. If they say stay here forever and ¡­ like, be their cleaners or whatever, we do  ... whatever the opposite of that is.¡¯

    ¡®That¡¯s still just reacting to things Amy! We need a plan,¡¯ protested Thomas.

    ¡®That is a plan!¡¯ insisted Amy.

    Janik sat up on his mattress. ¡®You¡¯re both right. We need to stop reacting, we need to figure out what is happening. And we need to make a plan to get out of here. But Amy, sitting when someone says stand isn¡¯t a plan.¡¯

    ¡®We? You¡¯re not one of us!¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®But he is one of us!¡¯ Thomas said, ¡®Like it or not he¡¯s in the same mess we are in, and we¡¯re stronger together. I mean he¡¯s an actual magician.¡¯

    ¡®He is a literal thief!¡¯ Amy yelled.

    Thomas put his hand on Amy¡¯s shoulder. ¡®Amy I love you but ¡­¡¯

    ¡®No no no!¡¯ interrupted Amy, ¡®Whenever someone says ¡°Amy, I love you but,¡± they are either firing me or breaking up with me and you are unable to do either!¡¯

    Thomas continued, ¡®I love you, but you can¡¯t just shout at every person we meet. Janik is as deep in this as we are, and he can use magic, and he¡¯s clever. The old monk said so. We need him. And we need to stop shouting at people, get a real understanding of what we are caught up in, and make a plan for getting out of it.¡¯

    Amy felt shaken, she always had the support of Baron and Thomas, regardless of how pear shaped things were going. But she had to admit to herself that recently everything was pear shaped most of the time. And they were right, nothing she was doing seemed to be slowing down their tumble from disaster to disaster.

    ¡®I know, I mean you¡¯re right, but you guys don¡¯t do anything. If I stop shouting at people then no one is doing anything.¡¯

    ¡®And you do a great job, not just at shouting, which you are great at, but at all the stuff. But we need a better toolset than lying and shouting. We still need you to lead, but not all by yourself.¡¯ said Thomas.

    Amy felt her panic subside a bit. She realised she relied a lot on knowing Thomas and Baron had her back. To some degree it¡¯s what gave her the confidence to shout at everyone with such conviction. But to change how they operated she needed more from them.

    ¡®Okay. Okay, okay. We can do this. But you guys need to do more than just wait for me to think of a plan. You need to lead too.¡¯

    Thomas was nodding, ¡®You¡¯re right. Baron, we need to step up. Part of the reason Amy is so problematic is because we just sit back and let her make all the moves. We need to do more than just push her out in front and wait to see what happens.¡¯

    ¡®Problematic?¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®In a cute way!¡¯ said Thomas ¡®Baron and I need to step up and lead some stuff now and then! It¡¯s not fair to expect you to do everything.¡¯

    Baron was nodding, ¡®Yes. Sorry Amy. You just always seem so confident. But you guys are right, we need to stop just waiting for things to happen. So what¡¯s the plan?¡¯

    Thomas stood up. ¡®Here are the new ground rules. We think before we do stuff.¡¯

    ¡®Mmml,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®I do not like what that implies about how we were working before.¡¯

    ¡®It¡¯s not a dig Amy, you were the only one thinking, we all need to think.¡¯

    Janik struggled up from his mattress. ¡®Well this is all very lovely, but that¡¯s not a plan. That¡¯s an approach.¡¯

    ¡®Yes,¡¯ said Baron. ¡®What¡¯s our plan?¡¯

    There was a long silence. The boys looked at Amy. Amy raised an eyebrow.

    ¡®Please, go ahead,¡¯ she said.

    The silence, unbearably, continued.

    ¡®Well maybe you could go first just while we ease into this new way of doing things.¡¯ said Baron sheepishly.

    ¡®What we need,¡¯ said Amy, ¡®is someone who knows what the hell is going on, because I¡¯m buggered if I know. Someone on the inside. Someone who already has a track record of breaking the stupids monks'' rules. Someone who has already demonstrated a willingness to go out of their way to help outsiders.¡¯

    Thomas and Baron stared at Amy blankly. She returned their stare expectantly. It started to get weird.

    ¡®She means Gregor you morons.¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®Greg!¡¯ exclaimed Thomas as the pieces somewhat belatedly fell into place.

    ¡®Greg!¡¯ said Baron, as the same pieces even more belatedly fell into place.

    ¡®His name is Gregor,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®And we all better remember that, because names are important. And he is our ticket out of here.¡¯

    ¡®But how do we find him?¡¯ asked Thomas.

    ¡®Through a technique that you have all acknowledged I am somewhat of an expert in,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®Shouting.¡¯

 Gregor Again

    ¡®GREGOOOOORRRRRR! WE WANT TO SPEAK TO GREGOR YOU BASTARDS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH GREGOR?¡¯

    As plans go it didn¡¯t have a lot of steps. Step one involved looking for someone to shout at. Amy stomped out into the corridor, feeling very confident that this plan was going to go well. The corridor was empty which was annoying, and this momentarily dented her confidence, but she was working up a manic, sleep deprived head of steam, and was pretty sure she could push through.

    Amy resumed her shouting.

    ¡®Going full caps eh Amy,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®Yes,¡¯ replied Amy, ¡®Where is everyone? The security in this place is very slack. The Department people would never have let us just wander around like this.¡¯

    Janik followed them into the corridor. ¡®I feel like you¡¯ve learnt nothing, what¡¯s step two of this plan?¡¯

    ¡®There is no step two as yet,¡¯ Amy said in between shouts.

    ¡®You''ve learnt nothing,¡¯ repeated Jaink.

    ¡®This does feel like business as usual, but you know, we¡¯re transitioning as a team, growing as people, it takes a minute.¡¯ responded Thomas. He didn¡¯t look very confident. He addressed Baron, ¡®Maybe we should also shout.¡¯

    ¡®Oh okay, yes. But awkward,¡¯ said Baron, ¡¯Amy usually does all the shouting.¡¯

    Thomas joined Amy in the shouting, and Baron, somewhat half heartedly, also started shouting.

    ¡®LOOK AT US!¡¯ shouted Amy, ¡®WE¡¯RE SHOUTING TOGETHER! THIS IS VERY LOUD NOW!¡¯

    ¡®IT IS!¡¯ shouted Thomas, ¡®THIS IS GREAT!¡¯

    They moved slowly down the stairs, getting progressively louder as they gained confidence. There was no one at the bottom of the stairs, and the corridor was empty. They continued to shout, but even Amy was starting to feel a little foolish. At the end of the corridor, finally, they found a very young looking Monk with long dark hair and bangs wandering towards them with a disrespectful lack of urgency. She looked annoyed.

    ¡®What?¡¯ said the Monk.

    ¡®We want to see Gregor. What have you done with him?¡¯ demanded Thomas.

    ¡®We¡¯ve done nothing with him. He¡¯s resting. Shouldn''t you be resting? You look awful.¡¯

    Thomas looked around and noticed for the first time how shattered, and quite frankly, how mad they all looked. They had dark black rings under bloodshot eyes, disheveled hair, and there was a jerky manic air to their movements. They did not smell good.

    ¡®Don''t stonewall us!¡¯ Said Amy, ¡®Where is he? Send him to us!¡¯

    ¡®No, take us to him!¡¯ said Thomas.

    ¡®Yes, send him or take us!¡¯ added Amy.

    This sounded very confusing even to Amy, so she could only imagine how it sounded to the monk.

    ¡®Alright,¡¯ said the monk.Love this novel? Read it on Royal Road to ensure the author gets credit.

    Amy seemed to stall for a moment. ¡®What?¡¯

    ¡®Sure, fine. But you should really let him rest.¡¯

    The monk set off back down the corridor. ¡®Are you coming?¡¯

    They broke into a half trot to catch up with her.

    ¡®Well, that was easy. Maybe we came in a bit hot with all the shouting,¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®No!¡¯ Amy said, ¡®The shouting was excellent. This is very confusing. They don''t seem worried about us all.¡¯

    Janik was following close behind, ¡®Why would they? They apparently can ignore every known physical law of magic. You¡¯re no threat to them at all from their point of view.¡¯

    ¡®Well that¡¯s annoying,¡¯ muttered Amy. She felt a need to reassert her authority. ¡®You! Monk! What¡¯s your name!¡¯

    ¡®Barbara.¡¯

    ¡®Barbara? What kind of name is that for a magical monk?¡¯

    Barbra just shrugged and continued leading them around corners, up stairs, and around more corners. All the corridors had a slight curve to them and occasionally they would pass a window and catch glimpses of the other towers as they ascended.

    ¡®What kind of monk are you? Why do you have hair?¡¯ asked Thomas.

    ¡®I¡¯m an agent. I usually look after our interests in the outside world so I¡¯m allowed hair. But today I guess I¡¯m just looking after you guys.¡¯

    ¡®Hold on, is that what Gregor and his beefcake mates are? Agents? Are you one of them? But you¡¯re tiny!¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®I¡¯m a perfectly normal size. In case you haven¡¯t noticed we aren¡¯t exactly reliant on brawn to get what we need.¡¯

    ¡®Then why are Gredor and that lot so beefy?¡¯ asked Amy.

    Barbera rolled her eyes, ¡®Because they watch too much gym life youtube. We¡¯re here. Be gentle with him, he''s still very tired.¡¯

    He didn¡¯t look tired. Gregor was sitting up in bed with an IV in his arm shoving handfuls of cashews in his mouth as he watched something on his phone. His bed was one of several arranged around a circular room that must have been near the top of the tower, all unoccupied apart from his. The walls were floor to ceiling glass, and some sections were open to the elements, letting in a salty warm breeze.

    He looked up from his phone with a surprisingly disarming smile. ¡®Hello!¡¯

    Amy was unsure how to proceed. She was really feeling the limitations of a plan with only one step..

    ¡®Gregor, are you okay?¡¯ Thomas asked.

    ¡®Oh yes. Much better thank you.¡¯ He tapped the bad feeding the IV. ¡®It¡¯s magic, great stuff. How are you all doing?¡¯

    ¡®They haven¡¯t rested. They are refusing to sleep and keep shouting at people,¡¯ said Barbra.

    ¡®You need to rest!¡¯ admonished Gregor, ¡®The things you have been through! It¡¯s too much.¡¯

    Amy shuffled awkwardly. It dawned on her that if there was no one to shout at or tackle she wasn¡¯t really sure what to do.

    Baron stepped up to the bed. ¡®It looks like you really did rescue us, Gregor. Thank you.¡¯

    ¡®They want us to stay here,¡¯ said Baron.

    Gregor looked unsettled, ¡®I know. They told me.¡¯

    Amy joined Baron by the bedside. ¡®We can''t stay. Our friends and family will already be wondering where we are!¡¯

    Thomas and Baron exchanged a look.

    ¡®What?¡¯ demanded Amy.

    ¡®We¡¯re both here,¡¯ said Thomas, ¡®We know where you are.¡¯

    ¡®I have other friends!¡¯ said Amy.

    Thomas and Bradon exchanged the same look again.

    ¡®Stop making that face at each other! I do! And my Mum will be worried sick!¡¯

    ¡®Your mum is lucky if you call her once a month.¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®Shut up Baron! What about your family? And what about yours Thomas?¡¯

    ¡®Well I guess neither of us is great at calling family either.¡¯

    Any directed her attention back to Gregor, ¡®This is completely beside the point! You cannot hold us here like prisoners!¡¯

    Bradon leaned in closer to Gregor, pitching his voice so that Barbra couldn¡¯t hear. ¡®We need to get out of here Gregor, I don¡¯t think you brought us here for us to be prisoners.¡¯

    Gregor didn¡¯t say anything, but he looked in Barbra¡¯s direction.

    Amy took the hint, ¡®Barb, we need to talk to the old lady monk. Go get her.¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m not your servant!¡¯ protested Barbra.

    ¡®Please,¡¯ added Gregor, ¡®Please ask her to come.¡¯

    Barbra scowled like a teen, which she looked like she might be, but turned and left the room.

    Amy leaned in closer to Gregor, ¡®I don''t think we can get out on our own. And it feels like you don''t always follow the rules around here Gregor. Your monks are scary, their magic seems so strong. No conditions, no hiding from observations. Can you get us out?¡¯

    ¡®But that¡¯s not quite right, is it Gregor,¡¯ said Janik.

    It was Janik and Gregor¡¯s turn to exchange looks now. Something meaningful passed between them.

    ¡®What Janik?¡¯ said Amy ¡®What are you talking about? What do you know?¡¯

    Suddenly, Gregor grabbed Amy¡¯s hand, startling her.

    ¡®Listen to me, all of you. We don¡¯t have much time. Not everything here is what it looks like.¡¯

 Basically, a Scam

    ¡®Knew it. It¡¯s a scam.¡¯

    Amy looked very pleased. Most things felt like a scam to her and it was very afriming when one of them turned out to be so.

    ¡®No it¡¯s not a scam, it¡¯s just different to how my brothers and sisters make it out to be,¡¯ said Gregor. ¡®The order is real. It goes back thousands of years, before christianity, before they took on the habits of a monastery. They were never real monks but at some point they ended up in Northern Europe and started calling themselves The Order of Saint Enos. They operated openly for years and as far as I know they have the longest unbroken lineage of magic development ever recorded. They are very powerful.¡¯

    ¡®They?¡¯ asked Janik, ¡®Not we?¡¯

    ¡®It¡¯s complicated,¡¯ responded Gregor, ¡®The order finds children of extreme magical potential and inducts them. For most of them this is all they have ever known. But they found me when I was older, I lived the first fourteen years of my life in the outside world.  My feelings about them are ¡­ complicated.¡¯

    Amy. Thomas, and Baron exchanged a worried three way look.

    ¡®Inducts them?¡¯ asked Thomas.

    ¡®You arern¡¯t the only place with a ministry. If governments find someone with that level of power, even children, they are ¡­ threatened. If the monastery didn¡¯t take them they probably wouldn¡¯t even be here.¡¯

    ¡®Shit.¡¯ said Amy, ¡®That is murky from every angle. That is messed up. But I don¡¯t know, It doesn¡¯t feel like you are the good guys in this situation.¡¯

    Gregor looked at his hands. ¡®I know. They can¡¯t see it. They think they are saving us.¡¯ He worried at the beads around his wrist. ¡®The longer I¡¯m here the more I think they are more interested in the children because they need them to maintain their power. They forget that they are the cause of the situation they are saving us from¡¯

    ¡®What are you talking about?¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®The order has collected and developed high magically potential people for thousands of years. We have built on magical developments for thousands of years. Our power is real. It¡¯s immense. And to those who encountered us, it seemed limitless. Can you imagine if all you have known is shamans and priests laying out bones and jewels, only doing magic by themselves, in the dark, what it feels like to see someone do magic, immense powerful magic, with no conditions, right in front of your eyes?¡¯

    ¡®I very much can,¡¯ said Thomas, ¡®Because that happened this morning.¡¯

    Gregor continued, ¡®The order hides from the public, but they let those in power see their magic, see that they can do whatever magic they want, whenever they want, with no restrictions. They want them afraid, it gives them their own power. In the past kingdoms and governments tried to align with them, but the order has always thought they were above mundane authorities. They never let themselves be used by others seeking their power. And without exception every authority has decided that if they couldn¡¯t be controlled, then they needed to be put down.¡¯

    ¡®What could anyone even do? If your power is that complete, then how could anyone even touch you?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®Because it¡¯s not quite true is it,¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®Our power is real,¡¯ said Gregor. ¡®The ministry isn¡¯t wrong about that.¡¯

    ¡®But your power isn¡¯t as limitless as you let them believe is it?¡¯ Janik persisted.

    ¡®Ah ha. It¡¯s a scam,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®It isn¡¯t a scam,¡¯ Gregor said.

    ¡®But it is a scam, isn''t it!¡¯ Janik was getting agitated. ¡®You let everyone believe you don¡¯t need conditions and that you don¡¯t need to be unobserved to do magic. Which is terrifying. But it¡¯s not true is it? Because otherwise you wouldn''t need so much goat shit.¡¯

    ¡®I am so confused.¡¯ said Baron.

    ¡®We saw it, Janik! The old monk did magic right in front of us. We literally watched her do it, we saw Gregor do it when he smashed into our cell at the ministry! Everyone is doing magic in front of usl all the time here!¡¯ said Thomas

    ¡®Think about the van Thomas,¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®The magic invisible flying van? Doesn¡¯t that sort of prove Gregor¡¯s point?¡¯

    ¡®The van,¡¯ continued Janik, ¡®is not the result of limitless magic. That van had a tank on the top that was packed with conditions, goat manure specifically. It¡¯s a condition for flying. And it¡¯s in a tank to hide it from view, because Gregor couldn¡¯t generate lighter than air Aeron inside it if anyone is looking at it. If Gregor here has unlimited power why did we drift at a snail¡¯s pace suspended under a tank full of ghoat shit?¡¯

    ¡®Dun dun duuuun!¡¯ shouted Amy triumphantly.

    Gergor let out a deep sigh. ¡®You¡¯re half right. As I said, not everything is as it seems. We have power, real power. And to outsiders it looks like we use that power on a whim, in full view of anyone who cares to look. But that¡¯s not what¡¯s happening. We can¡¯t ignore the physical laws of magic. We still need conditions, we still need to be unobserved when igniting an effect.¡¯

    This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

    ¡®I knew it!¡¯ said Amy, ¡®It¡¯s a scam!¡¯

    ¡®But we saw it!¡¯ said Thomas, ¡®We saw monks doing magic with no conditions, directly in front of us!¡¯

    ¡®Yes, because although we can¡¯t ignore the physical laws of magic, we can sometimes, sort of ¡­  ignore them.¡¯

    ¡®This is so frustrating,¡¯ said Thomas.

    Amy screamed and stamped her foot, ¡®Arrrgghh! What? Which is it? Are you powerful mega wizards or basic little scam artists?¡¯

    ¡®Both,¡¯ said Gregor.

    Looks were exchanged. It was the worst possible answer.

    ¡®I hate you,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®It¡¯s both. What they have figured out, what we have been able to do, for over a thousand years, is to indefinitely delay a magical effect. We set the conditions. We create unobserved spaces for magical effects. We then stall the effect, freeze it, just before it takes place. We can store it, in a prepared artifact, then release it whenever we want. Effectively it¡¯s as if we <i>can</i> do magic with no conditions and in plain sight.¡¯

    Janik looked thoughtful. ¡®Your beads. You all wear those large beads around your neck and wrists. I thought it was weird because they look like buddhist beads but you were supposed to be a christian monastery.¡¯

    Gregor nodded, ¡®We¡¯ve never been a real religious organisation. It was a disguise, sometime in the last century the monastery went underground, completely, but we kept the habits and structures when we went into hiding. The structure of a monastery is perfect for nurturing magic.¡¯

    Gregor looked out the window at the glimmering sea dotted with wooden towers. ¡®They built this city, shielded it. The order had let everybody believe they had unlimited power, that they could do whatever they wanted without restriction, that the normal rules of magic that kept magic users manageable didn¡¯t apply to them. They let everyone think they were a threat to the point where their existence became intolerable to every nation they knew about them.¡¯

    ¡®But if they are so powerful what could anyone even do?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®The order were not the only magic users. We weren¡¯t even the only powerful magic users. Nations in Europe stopped fighting each other to fight us. Whole armies, augmented with the most feared magic users in Europe. The Abbots at the time knew that eventually they would lose, that the scale of destruction that would ensue while they were being defeated would be terrible. So the fight never happened. They went into hiding. And over time they erased knowledge of their existence from history. But they could never get it all. For every memory wiped, every text altered, there were other memories and texts kept secretly. They disappeared from public history but those in power knew they existed and thought they had to erase them, and anyone who had levels of power like them. In almost every country in the world those born with power are taken. All because those in authority think they are capable of a power that never existed, the power to do magic with no limits. All because the order never revealed their secret, that their magic is the same magic as everyone else''s.¡¯

    ¡®Man,¡¯ said Baron, ¡®That¡¯s one hell of a lore dump.¡¯

    ¡®Great,¡¯ said Amy, ¡®So we¡¯re nowhere. You might as well be as powerful as everyone thinks you are.¡¯

    ¡®Actually, I don¡¯t know if that¡¯s right,¡¯ said Baron, ¡®Before it looked like they could do any magic they wanted, whenever they wanted. But actually they need to have that magic prepared. If they don¡¯t have the magic pre-rolled they are no more powerful than Janik.¡¯

    ¡®That feels rude,¡¯ said Janik ¡®And also not true. Even now we know the scam now, they are still more powerful than any conventional magician. The power they must have access to in order to maintain this city, to hide it continuously, it¡¯s terrifying.¡¯

    ¡®But what I mean is, if we do something they aren¡¯t expecting, if they don¡¯t have magic pre-prepared, then they have no magic, or no more than anyone else. We can fight them. They are powerful, but not all powerful. We just need to figure out what they aren¡¯t expecting.¡¯

    ¡®Doing things people aren¡¯t expecting is one of our strengths!¡¯ said Thomas.

    ¡®Sort of, but generally they aren¡¯t expecting them because no one thinks anyone would do anything that stupid,¡¯ said Baron. ¡®We are going to need to plan something clever and unexpected, not just a one step plan where the step is to shout at or tackle someone.¡¯

    Amy made a face.

    Janik looked thoughtfully at Gregor. ¡®You¡¯re done here now, aren¡¯t you.¡¯

    ¡®What do you mean?¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®He¡¯s told us their secret. When they find out his time here is done. What will happen to you?¡¯

    Gregor was still looking at his hands, fingering his beads. ¡®I don¡¯t know. They won¡¯t kill me, for all their faults they aren¡¯t the ministry.¡¯

    ¡®No, they are just happy go lucky child kidnappers¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®But they won¡¯t let me leave. And I will be punished. Some kind of permanent maiming probably. Maybe a hand.¡¯

    ¡®Dear lord,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®This place is awful.¡¯

    ¡®Nothing will happen to your hand Gregor,¡¯ said Thomas, ¡®Because you¡¯re coming with us.¡¯

    Baron placed his hand on Gregor¡¯s. ¡®You¡¯re one of us now Gregor. We¡¯re all getting out of here.¡¯

    ¡®Guys!¡¯ exclaimed Amy, ¡®We can¡¯t just keep picking up strays!¡¯

    ¡®We are all strays!¡¯ said Thomas, ¡®You collected us! We were working at a supermarket! And now we are collecting Greogr and Janik. We need everyone we can get.¡¯

    ¡®I actually don¡¯t want to be part of your gang,¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®Oh,¡¯ said Thomas, looking surprised and a little hurt.  ¡®That¡¯s a bummer. But you¡¯ll have to be. You both will, just for a little bit.¡¯

    ¡®We can¡¯t trust Gregor,¡¯ protested Amy, ¡®We know nothing about him, it¡¯s weird how he¡¯s suddenly turning on his own people. And he¡¯s just too big! There¡¯s no room for a gym in the office, let alone whatever weird implements he needs to maintain his beard!¡¯

    ¡®I don¡¯t think we¡¯re ever going back to that office Amy,¡¯ said Thomas.

    This stopped Amy cold. He was right. Soon they would be running from the ministry <i>and</i> the monks. She had been avoiding the consequences of their narrowing options. They weren¡¯t safe here. But they weren¡¯t safe back home either.

    ¡®Where will we go?¡¯ she said. Her voice was unsettling in its uncharacteristic smallness.

    ¡®There are places we can go,¡¯ said Gregor, ¡®Amy, this is not sudden for me, it has been coming for a while. It was inevitable. I¡¯m sorry you got mixed up in it though. Thomas and Baron, thank you.¡¯

    ¡®Fine,¡¯ said Amy, ¡®You¡¯re in.¡¯ She scanned her new crew. ¡®Too many boys.¡¯

    Barbara appeared at the door with the Abbot, who looked unimpressed.

    The old monk took in everyone crowding around Gregor¡¯s bed and said ¡®I don¡¯t like this at all¡¯.

    ¡®They are just concerned for my welfare Abbot,¡¯ offered Gregor.

    ¡®They are refusing to sleep Abbot! Look at them! They look awful! And the smell!¡¯ said Barbara.

    ¡®Man Barbara, settle down. No need to be rude,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®You all need to sleep, now.¡¯ said the Abbot authoritatively. It seemed obvious to Amy that she was used to people doing her bidding without question and was finding their lack of general compliance baffling and irritating. The Abbot raised one arm, and started using her other hand to rub her bracelet of large wooden beads. Amy couldn¡¯t believe she hadn¡¯t noticed it before, but looking back she could remember subtle touches to her beads whenever the monk had performed magic.

    ¡®You had better not be about to put us to sleep with some skanky magic trick,¡¯ said Amy.

    There were four thumps as the Abbot¡¯s skanky magic trick dropped Amy, Baron, Thomas, and Janik to the floor in a deep sleep.

 Bad People, Good Coffee

    ¡®Amy.¡¯

    Amy looked up from her notebook to see Mrs Tomlinson holding out her essay.

    ¡®This is excellent.¡¯

    She took the essay and tried to read the mark she had been given but couldn¡¯t make any sense of the marks that were supposed to make up her grade.

    ¡®You really are very competent. You¡¯re an outstanding young woman. Any organisation would be lucky to have you.¡¯

    Was she at a job interview? No, she was at school of course. The comments were confusing but that didn¡¯t diminish the warm feeling swelling up from the recognition of her excellence. Mrs Tonlinson more commonly told Amy to stop shouting at her and do her work, so this was a little confusing but felt right. And her pillow was very comfortable. Oh, she was in bed. She didn¡¯t even know this classroom had beds. So comfortable. Oh, this is probably a dream. No! Consciousness snuck up from behind and started to reassert itself as the main source of sensory input. Amy fought it. She didn¡¯t want to lose this good feeling.

    ¡®Mrs Tomlison! Tell me more about my essay!¡¯

    Too late. The classroom receded. She tentatively opened one of her eyes. She was in the recovery room where they had found Gregor, lying in one of the (very comfortable it turns out) beds. Gregor was still there, eating breakfast apparently, still with his drip in. Some of the previously empty beds were now occupied by Braddon, Thomas, and Janik. She felt sleep inviting her back and closed her eye.

    ¡®Again.¡¯ thought Amy, as she reflected on how both the ministry and the monks were very trigger happy with their knockout spells.

    To Amy this seemed typical of the way people used magic. They never seemed to use it to solve real problems. The climate was still warming. Women were still underpaid. Magic seemed to be primarily used to create small conveniences for the already wealthy. Better coffee, faster clothes drying, knocking out people they didn¡¯t like.

    ¡®It makes people lazy, it¡¯s the worst, people who use it are always awful.¡¯

    ¡®Look, she even complains about magic in her sleep.¡¯

    It was Baron. She must have said the last part our loud. She snapped back to full consciousness and reopened her eye.

    ¡®I¡¯m not asleep, dickhead.¡¯

    She opened her other eye. This was very unusual. For Amy, waking up was usually a traumatic battle with each eye, one at a time. She would open one first, and it would feel awful. Her eye would complain, and she would force herself to keep it open while she tried to bludgeon herself with abuse until the other one opened.

    ¡®Come on Amy, you lazy prick, open your eyes!¡¯

    This would continue until she had bullied every part of her body out of bed. It put her in a foul mood which she would usually attempt to pass on to Baron and Thomas, who would ignore her until she regained her equilibrium. But now her eyes weren''t putting up a fight at all. In fact she had never felt more rested.

    ¡®How do you feel?¡¯ asked Gregor.

    ¡®Terrible,¡¯ she lied. She had not felt this good in about a year.

    ¡®Really?¡¯ asked Thomas, ¡®That was the best sleep I¡¯ve had in years.¡¯

    ¡®It¡¯s not sleeping Thomas, you were knocked out! That¡¯s not ¡°sleep¡±¡¯ said Amy.

    Thomas was eating a croissant and sipping a glass of orange juice. Somewhere there was the smell of coffee. It smelled incredible. She looked down and saw that there was also a croissant and juice next to her bed. And the coffee. The amazing coffee smell was coming from her coffee. She stretched and had a strong urge to make a contented ¡®hmm¡¯ sound. Dear lord, she hated how good she felt. She noticed she was attached to a drip. That¡¯s the reason why, she thought. That bloody magic drip. She pulled it out of her arm but it was too late. She felt great.

    ¡®Amy, you always told us magic coffee was terrible.¡¯ said Baron accusingly.

    ¡®It is terrible. It puts baristas out of work¡¯

    ¡®Yes, but Amy,¡¯ said Baron sipping from his coffee, ¡®This is the best coffee I¡¯ve ever had, I can¡¯t believe we¡¯ve been drinking that swill from the french bakery!¡¯

    ¡®That swill from the bakery keeps people in work!¡¯ Retorted Amy. She took a sip from her own coffee nonetheless. It was irritatingly magnificent. ¡®Disgusting.¡¯

    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

    ¡®Maybe being stuck here wouldn¡¯t be <i>terrible,</i>¡¯ said Baron as he bit into his perfect croissant, which melted in his mouth in a way no human baked croissant ever had.

    Gregor laughed. ¡®It¡¯s not terrible here, I admit. But make no mistake, you are a prisoner here. Is that worth a good coffee?''

    No one answered. Because they were all thinking maybe it was, but weren''t proud of themselves for thinking it.

    ¡®I¡¯ll admit staying here and eating perfect croissants does feel like a better option than going back to the mainland to be murdered by civil servants,¡¯ said Baron. ¡®But we aren¡¯t magic. You know they would just make us wash the dishes or something.¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m magic,¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®Not magic enough Janik,¡¯ said Baron, ¡®You would be like their butler or something.¡¯

    ¡®Those are exactly the kind of bullshit jobs they probably use magic for,¡® said Amy, ¡®We would be doing something even worse, like washing the goat shit out of Gregor¡¯s tank. Just to keep us in our place.¡¯

    ¡®Gregor, why do you even want out of here? How did you even end up here?¡¯ asked Thomas.

    Gregor started playing with his beads, rolling them in his big hairy fingers. Amy realised this was a tick of his when he was thinking.

    ¡®I¡¯m not typical of the monks here. I wasn¡¯t taken as a baby. No one detected any magic in me at all. I wasn¡¯t even sensitive to it like you are Amy. But I know now that that happens sometimes with high power magic users. Our abilities don¡¯t show themselves in the usual way. Usually the abbots can sense when a newborn has magic potential and will swoop fast. They take the baby and leave a phantom, it¡¯s like a doll that is identical to a real baby, but was never alive. The parents think their child died in its crib.¡¯

    ¡®Fucking hell,¡¯ said Amy, ¡®That is the worst thing I have ever heard.¡¯

    Baron put his coffee down, ¡®Oh.¡¯ Suddenly it didn¡¯t taste very good.

    ¡®Yeah,¡¯ said Gregor.

    ¡®Fuck,¡¯ said Janik.

    ¡®How do you even respond to that?¡® said Thomas.

    ¡®I know,¡¯ said Gregor. ¡®But they don¡¯t see it. Most of them came here as babies themselves. They don¡¯t have malice towards mundane people, but they barely think of them as people at all. And they don¡¯t see it. They don¡¯t understand how detached from normal empathy they are.¡¯

    ¡®Is that why you want to leave?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®I didn''t come here as a baby. Some people''s abilities aren''t obvious when they are born. Mine manifested when I was 15. I didn¡¯t even know I could create  spark because I wasn''t able to when I was a child, I wasn''t even sensitive, so I was never trained. But then ¡­ well it just happened.¡¯

    ¡®What happened?¡¯ asked Janik?

    ''A story for another time,'' responded Gregor.

    ¡®Bloody hell, you have really ruined this coffee for me Gregor.¡¯ said Thomas.

    ¡®The Monks learnt of it, they came for me. Once they were there they could sense me, what I could do. And you need to understand, my life then, my family, it wasn¡¯t good. I was hopeless then, I was lost ... I was grateful to be taken.¡¯

    ¡®You got full Harry Pottered,¡¯ said Amy. ¡®They found you under the stairs and took you away.¡¯

    ¡®And now?¡¯ asked Thomas.

    ¡®I¡¯ve been here 15 years, half my life. They aren¡¯t bad people Thomas, but I¡¯m not like them. I¡¯m not indifferent to people on the outside. I''ve started to use my abilities to help people, like you all when I realised the ministry was going to snatch you.¡¯

    ¡®How did you know?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®I read about the theft, and I knew it would catch the ministry''s attention. Any hint of magic that isn¡¯t constrained by normal limits gets their attention. And you had talked about magic being observable, in front of the cameras. That¡¯s a red flag for them. I came out immediately, I tried to warn you, but well, you know what happened.¡¯

    ¡®What a mess,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®The abbots aren¡¯t wrong, the ministry will kill you if you go back to Sydney. And if you go somewhere else then whoever is the equivalent  of the ministry there will do it. The monks detaining you is an act of kindness, in their way. They are offering you asylum, by their standards at least.¡¯

    Amy looked around the room, it¡¯s beds filled with her only friends. And Janik, who she didn¡¯t really hate. She looked at Gregor, too big for his bed, too big for any space.

    ¡®But they aren¡¯t offering us asylum, Gregor. It¡¯s not an offer, it¡¯s a demand¡¯.

    Amy looked at Baron and Thomas. ¡®We can''t stay here guys.¡¯

    Thomas sighed. ¡®I know, I know. We can''t just stop living and stay here. No coffee is that good. But what can we do? Can we never go home?¡¯

    ¡®We need to blow the lid of this. We need to expose the monastery <i>and</i> the ministry to the light of day,¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®If you expose the monastery they are as good as dead Amy,¡¯ said Gregor.

    ¡®Not if we expose the ministry too. And Gregor, if we expose the monks, we expose that they aren''t even that powerful. Well you are, but not in the way that''s getting them all killed. Then there is no reason for them to kidnap babies, which, by the way, is the worst thing I have ever heard. They have boxed themselves into a corner, whether they like it or not, it''s time for all this murky shit to get out.¡¯

    ¡®How?¡¯ said Gregor.

    Amy hesitated. Even Gregor was looking to her now. But she wasn¡¯t the same person she had been when this mess kicked off. She couldn¡¯t even run a security company, easily the lowest effort graft there was. She felt smaller, less capable, her confidence dented and diminished by how easily they had been thrown around by the ministry and the monks. By how little effect she had on the world. And this felt enormous, impossible. She needed time to rebuild. And did she really need to personally solve every single problem? It was time to let go a little.

    ¡®Janik?¡¯ said Amy, ¡®How do we bring all this stuff out of the gutter into the unforgiving sun?¡¯

    Janik didn¡¯t hesitate at all. ¡®You¡¯re right. We need to expose this whole rotten thing, from the boot to the tip.¡¯

    Amy loved it, more than anything, when people told her she was right. This was already going great.

    ¡®But we don''t need to solve that now,¡¯ continued Janik. ''Right now we just need to get out of here, and get somewhere to hide. Everything else can happen afterwards.¡¯ He looked over to the monk. ¡®Gregor?¡¯

    Amy gave Janik an invisible mental salute for how effortlessly he had taken the responsibility she had thrown to him and deflected it onto someone else. But against her expectations, Gregor made no attempt to deflect at all.

    ¡®Actually, I¡¯ve been thinking about this while you were all sleeping. I have a plan.¡¯

 The IT Department

    The abbot entered the room, followed closely by an annoyed looking Barbara.

    Gregor leaned over to Amy and mouthed, ¡®Talk later.¡¯

    ¡®How are you feeling?¡¯ asked the Abbot.

    Gregor spoke up, ¡®I explained their situation, they want to accept our offer of asylum.¡¯

    Amy repressed her WTF face.

    ¡®Did they?¡¯ said Barbra, ¡®Do they think we¡¯re offering them a choice? They¡¯ve seen too much here, and they are as good as dead if they leave. It¡¯s not an offer, it¡¯s an order. They are lucky we¡¯re even letting them live.¡¯

    ¡°Good grief Barbara,¡¯ said the abbot, ¡®so bloodthirsty. We were never going to kill them. Where do you get this stuff? But otherwise she is essentially right. We don¡¯t want this any more than they do, but they are here to stay. The only question is how long it takes them to accept it.¡¯

    ¡®We¡¯re right here, you can talk directly to us.¡¯ Jaink said.

    ¡®Well they get it,¡¯ responded Gregor, ¡®They know.¡¯

    The abbot frowned, ¡®I want to hear it from them.¡¯

    Gregor turned his head away from the Abbot and Barbara. He gave the hostages a pleading look. Thomas was the first to pick it up.

    ¡®We don¡¯t like it, but we get it. We accept it,¡¯ he said.

    Baron nodded, not trusting himself to lie as confidently as Thomas or Amy.

    All eyes were on Amy. Thomas¡¯ stomach churned. He could not tell which way Amy would go.

    ¡®Fine,¡¯ Amy muttered, ¡®We get it, we get it. It sucks but we get it. How is this thing going to work?¡¯

    Thomas suppressed a sigh of relief. For once Amy had managed to resist letting a gentle lie snowball into full fable.

    ¡®That¡¯s sensible,¡¯ said the Abbot, who nonetheless still looked suspicious. ¡®I know it¡¯s not what you wanted as a life, but you will see that this is a good place. We have purpose, you can contribute to that. You should treat it as an honour.¡¯

    ¡®Lucky us.¡¯ said Amy.

    With shocking ease, the next few weeks settled into an easy routine. As Amy had guessed, there were very few small jobs to be done in the monastery. Magic took care of most mundane tasks. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, and most other domestics were magically automated. They were not assigned to the kitchen, or to cleaning out goat excrement. Once they left the infirmary they were moved to a shared room with a large window looking out across the sea to the other towers. It was equipped with comfortable beds arranged along the walls, a separate bathroom, and even an arrangement of couches and chairs arranged around the window. There was a brief standoff between Barbara and Amy over the concept of mixed gender cohabitation, which Amy won through shouting. A corner of the room was converted to a small sleeping cubby through a process Amy described as ¡®magical bullshit¡¯.

    There was another stand off when the remaining hostages (as they referred to themselves) also demanded separate cubbies, but the second round went to Barbara, who was almost as good at shouting as Amy. At some point during this chaos, Bradon and Thomas broke away from private cubby negotiations and embarked on a side quest to demand bunk beds, but were denied on the grounds that they were adults.

    On the first morning they had hoped to talk to Gregor again, but got Barbara instead, who had been sent to take them to their work assignment. She led them to a small dock in the side of their tower, a circular opening linking the dock inside to the sea outside. Tied up at the dock were a number of small, wooden boats, each painted a different, aggressively cheerful, primary colour.

    ¡®Well, aren¡¯t these charming,¡¯ said Amy.

    Barbara rolled her eyes, ¡®Gregor painted them. Aliens are always trying homely crap like that.¡¯

    ¡®Gregor¡¯s an alien?,¡¯ said Thomas incredulously, but also, possibly, somewhat hopefully.

    ¡®Not the kind of alien you¡¯re thinking of. Alien to us. He wasn¡¯t born here, and he wasn¡¯t rescued as a baby. He came here fully formed, his head full of weird ideas from the outside world.¡¯

    This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon.

    ¡®Rescued?!¡¯ spluttered Amy.

    ¡®You don¡¯t like that?¡¯ said Barbara, ¡®It¡¯s the way it is. I¡¯m a rescue. I would be dead if the monks hadn¡¯t found me.¡¯

    ¡®I¡¯m not judging you,¡¯ said Amy, who was in fact judging her, ¡®but it''s gross, can¡¯t you see how wrong it is? And leaving a phantom? That¡¯s so messed up!¡¯

    ¡®Gregor told you about that? He¡¯s such a blabbermouth. This is why we should kill you.¡¯

    ¡®Good grief Barbara,¡¯ said Amy, in a passable imitation of the abbot, ¡®I¡¯m pretty sure you¡¯re the only one here who is so horny for killing people.¡¯

    Barbara clambered into a boat and motioned for them to follow her. Somehow, all four of the new monastery residents squeezed into the boat alongside the violent minded monk, and with no obvious means of propulsion, it smoothly drifted out the circular door, then picked up speed and headed out towards the other towers. The boat cut through the unnatural stillness of the water with barely a ripple. There was no wind, no sounds of birds or waves. If it wasn¡¯t for the small wake left behind them, quickly closing in on itself and returning the water to a perfect piece of silk,  there would be no indication at all that they were in water and not on a giant blue mirror.

    ¡®I do not like this.¡¯ said Amy.

    ¡®I agree,¡¯ said Janik, ¡®It¡¯s ¡­ unsettling.¡¯

    Janik leaned in closer to Amy and whispered, ¡®And where is Gregor?¡¯

    ¡®I don¡¯t know,¡¯ Amy whispered back, ¡®I¡¯m sure he¡¯ll find us soon. Just play along, alright?¡¯

    But she wasn¡¯t sure. She was worried that play acting settling into life as a resident of the monastery would too quickly turn into reality. Again, she was dependent on the whims of someone else¡¯s plan. But at least this time the agenda was theirs. They travelled between two towers, then the boat started to slow down and head towards another circular opening in a tower at the edge of the cluster. They drifted inside the opening and found themselves in a dock attached to an enormous empty space with a dim light in the middle. They climbed out of the cheerful little boot and followed Barbara, trudging into the darkness towards the light. As they got closer they could see cables trailing from the edge of the space towards a cluster of objects underneath the light.

    ¡®What is that?¡¯ asked Thomas, straining to try and make out the shapes under the gloomy light.

    There was something moving.

    ¡®Do you see that?¡¯ Thomas asked?

    They all strained their eyes into the gloom.

    ¡®See what?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®Something moving ¡­¡¯ Thomas said.

    Baron shook his head.

    ¡®I can¡¯t see anything.¡¯ said Janik.

    As they neared the details started to reveal themselves. There were desks, six of them arranged in a line, making a kind of long table. On the desks were bulky old fashioned monitors, and large beige boxes. The cables they had seen previously were ordinary extension cords, snaking in mysteriously from the edges of the room. It was too dark to see what they were plugged into. The idea of ordinary power points in this environment seemed impossible. Again, Thomas saw something move, scurrying behind the desk.

    ¡®There!¡¯ he said.

    ¡®I see it!¡¯ said Amy, ¡®What is that?¡¯

    <i>That </i>stood up and waved. ¡®Hey!¡¯ it shouted to them cheerfully. ¡®Welcome! Sorry I didn¡¯t see you there.¡¯ It was a young monk with a shaved head. She had a green cardigan over her robes, and a badge on the cardigan that read ¡®<i>Think like a customer</i>¡¯.

    ¡®Must be an alien,¡¯ whispered Janik.

    ¡®What? No!¡¯ protested the little monk, ¡®I was born here. I¡¯m just weird.¡¯

    Thomas had a closer look at the computers, ¡®These are the oldest working computers I¡¯ve ever seen.¡¯

    ¡®Ha! No they aren¡¯t, because none of them work!¡¯ said the new monk. She looked very pleased with herself. ¡®I¡¯ve asked for new ones but the abbots here do not get computers at all! Some of them won¡¯t even use phones.¡¯

    Barbara motioned towards the hostages, ¡®Nell, these are our ¡­ new people I told you about. They are going to help you get all this working.¡¯

    ¡®So good,¡¯ said Nell, ¡®So exciting, I¡¯ve been saying for ages we need to get some norms to help us out, I¡¯ve made a lot of progress, but man, computers are hard it turns out! I really need some help. They won¡¯t let me go to the mainland to get some modern gear so this is what we have to work with. Getting a modern operating system to work on them is a mission.¡¯

    ¡®What do you need them for?¡¯ asked Baron.

    ¡®Computing man! Internet, PDFs, googling things, all that good stuff. We need to know what¡¯s going on in the outside world, and waiting for agents to get back is a real slow way to work. We have phones, but the abbots cut the internet after everyone got addicted to Tiktok, man it was hilarious.¡¯

    ¡®Are you sure you¡¯re not an ¡­.. Alien?¡¯ asked Baron.

    Barbara butted in, ¡®No, she¡¯s not an alien. She was born here. She¡¯s just weird like she said. They gave her a phone when she was ten and she never recovered¡¯.

    ¡®Barbara, you need to get with it man!¡¯ she turned to Baron, ¡®She has a real flash Samsung but only uses it to take lame photos of the towers at sunset. All these monk¡¯s phones are filled with tower sunset photos! It¡¯s hilarious. They are so pleased with their sunset photos. They even held an exhibition, but they had all taken the same photo. And they had no idea why it was so funny! They thought it was great!¡¯

    Barbara made a pained breathing out sound.

    ¡®These ¡­ people ¡­  are here to help you. They can¡¯t do magic but presumably they know about computers and phones and whatnot.¡¯

    Amy looked at Baron. Thomas looked at Baron.

    ¡®No, for the thousandth time, I¡¯m in charge of social media. That doesn''t mean I know about computers.¡¯

    ¡®Don''t listen to him,¡¯ Amy said quickly, ¡®We¡¯re all over computers and stuff. This will be great.¡¯

    ¡®Actually I can do magic,¡¯ said Janik, ¡®It¡¯s annoying that you seem to keep forgetting that.¡¯

    ¡®Oh yeah,¡¯ said Barbara, ¡®You''re a powerful wizard and we''re all terrified of you.¡¯

    ¡®It doesn¡¯t matter! You¡¯re here now! This is going to be great! You can fuck of now Barbara!¡¯ said Jenn, brightly.

    ¡®With pleasure,¡¯ said Barbara.

    She spun on her heels and made off towards the dock.

    ¡®Great,¡¯ said Amy, ¡®We¡¯re tech support.¡¯