《Letting Go...》 My Daddy How do I sound? Gentle, I hope-- strong? Not physically, no, but inside I''m fierce. If I love you, you are loved...even if you don''t love me back. I keep things close. You are only goin'' to know as much as I choose to reveal...even when I am payin'' for you to listen to me. This Life: Hope This morning I was awake thinking. It would have been nice if I was asleep thinking because that would have meant I was dreaming and not pondering the ponderables. I was thinking about experiences, those fleeting ones. The ones that seem like they are going to happen but don''t. That high tide of hope and expectation form quite a wave and feels like the best is happening and then...and then. For a time I saw hope as the risk not worth risking. It was best to wait and see and not expect much...and then....and then. I started to miss hope. I started to miss that feeling, that glorious expectation when something seems possible. When hope got near me, I would not notice at first and then, it would grab me and there I was believing in good things, in the possibility of good things. Not so long ago I realized that by immunizing myself against hope I had closed myself off from believing in the possibility of good things. In that instant I saw how keeping hope off my heart''s porch was not making the tough stuff in life any less painful or hard. It was instead, robbing me of positive thoughts and positive energy. Regardless of the out come hope offers moments that give a heavy heart a little time to breath and enjoy what might be. What might be...by opening myself up to what might be I began to feel the fear and bitterness that had put me off hope shrink. Hope does not make it all better, but it does mean that I believe that better is possible, that good does happen. Hope... Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. As I am Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.As I am... It is a journey made every moment to see myself as I am. To cherish, to not forsake the unlovely and the flawed, to speak kindness to myself when I weep because of what I am not. To believe even my mistakes bear the possibility of redemption. Perception ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? One week and one day ago I bought a Russian Tortoise. I was told she was female so I named her Tree. Tree was symbolic, tied in part to Mother Nature. I have spent a week and a day chickbonding with my girl...only this afternoon after some research I discovered, she is not a she. I was not mad at the pet store, which would have been reasonable, oh no, I was mad at Tree for taking me in with his gorgeous bright eyes and making me believe he was something he was not. Crisis thinking ensued. I always and only get female pets. Not one has duped me, until now. If I hadn¡¯t been convinced he was a she I would not have bought him...but I was convinced and I pride myself on my intuition...so not only was I duped, my intuition failed me. Not cool. Then after a ridiculous search for a new name, and dealing with some major disappointment that I was not going to grow old with my Sista friend Tree, I realized that Tree is still Tree. Tree still has gorgeous eyes and a grumpy disposition. His gender is his gender, he was always a male. I was the one who could not see the possibility of growing old with a brother friend. Now I do. You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? In Time Strange how little we know. When the world was hit by the unknown we were all unprepared. The disparity of this virus entered my personal world and has encompassed my mother¡¯s life. A number of residents and one worker tested positive for Covid on Sunday at the facility where my mom lives. The west wing was converted into a quarantine hall. My mom is in the end stages of congestive heart failure. It has been a hard week. Her Covid-19 test came back negative. At 1:30 a.m. Monday morning I got a call from the nursing home. My mom was having severe chest pains and her blood pressure was spiking. They called me to talk to her to see if I could give her some calm and comfort. With my phone on speaker phone, I drove to the nursing home in case it was time, in case this was it. I did not know if I would be let in or not, but I did know I had to be as close to her as I could be. For an hour and forty-five minutes I held the phone. My mom could not talk much, I did not know what to say, but we could hear each other breathing. Breathing is an act of the living. The hospice nurse came, my mom was given more morphine and her dosage was increased. Finally, she was able to go to sleep. I went back home. I could not go to sleep, so masked and gloved, I went to Walmart as soon as it opened and I bought dolls. If dolls were whisky, I would have been plastered! I have collected dolls my whole life, I made them for a while, and I love them always. I got surprise dolls full of little packets I could open. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. Tuesday when I went to talk to my mom on our walkie talkies, through the window I saw residents with masks on seeking to find out who was still on this side of quarantine. There was joy in seeing one another and fear. All grumblings about confinement were silenced. A real threat hangs over them, over my mother. The home was testing workers again yesterday, in the front room where the windows are, so we could not visit through the window. I went around back to the window where her room is. She cannot stand long so she got up and waved at me. The staff gave her a remote phone to talk to me. I told her to get back in bed. For thirty minutes we visited. I do not know if this will be the way it is going to be from now on. I have had to learn to roll with what is and not waste time on what is not. All the way through... Words. Lethal, loving, open, wall building. I have been thinking about how words are used and how they are spoken, how they are written, how they are received. What was intended and what was heard are not always the same. What was written and how the words are perceived do not always match up. We all bring such different perspectives to our hearing and our reading of words. What might be a red flag to me, may not even be a pale shade of pink to someone else. I have been thinking a lot about the limitation of my own perception of words and how I have used that to label people. Honestly, I want to put my label gun away. It sure causes problems. It is amazing how fast I can start to classify people, and shove them into little boxes that I label and ignore. I won''t listen to that, or read that because in my opinion it means... This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I got a lesson in words the other day while driving my mom around. She was telling me a story I have heard SO MANY times. I always derail the story or redirect it because I simply cannot bear to hear it AGAIN. But I decided Friday that for once I would just let her finish. I am working on listening more thoroughly. Its hard. So, I let my mom tell the whole story, right to the end. In the past I had always gotten mad thinking my mom did not understand. I thought she was telling me about how much better off she was, but that was not it at all. For the first time I heard her grief over a person we love being shamed because of their poverty, of being treated as invisible and also for not being honored for their hard work despite their circumstances. When I heard her tell the story ALL THE WAY THROUGH my heart hurt. In the past I had been so busy putting my mom in her box that I did not hear what she was trying to express to me. But, I also felt something else, I felt grateful to have a mom with such a big heart. Words matter. Stories matter. Listen and read all the way through. The Benefit The benefit of the doubt...what exactly is that? I often find myself caught between being kind and wondering if I have strayed into doormat territory. I strive to be civil, but there are times when I wish my natural inclination leaned toward a twitter rant. Sometimes getting even feels like the only thing worth getting. And yet, there is the pause. Is there a reason this person is being such a jack ass? But the better question for me has become am I willing to engage with this person? Is my precious time and energy something I want to spend? And if I do choose to spend it-- WHY? There will always be people who are looking for a fight, and there are also people who manage to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I know I have been one of them. Words and actions can fly fast and hard before the brain and the heart can engage. Sometimes the brain and heart do not engage. I have zero control over what someone else thinks or feels, and that is something I must remember. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! I struggle with those who advocate giving another the benefit of the doubt but refrain from ever doing it themselves. Words are so easy to say, yet so hard to enact or take back. I have been told actions speak louder than words and I agree. Still, there are those who chose to be blind and too often they define kindness by whatever and whoever aligns with their own ideology. Not cool. The benefit of the doubt, I think means to be open to the possibility that I may be wrong. It means that I believe a person may unknowingly do harm out of ignorance. I know I have. It means that I believe that apologies can be sincere until proven otherwise. I also believe the benefit of the doubt means that there can be potential in someone I can''t stand. The benefit of the doubt does not mean I am naive or weak. It takes a lot of courage to say, "I could be wrong," to another person. It takes a lot of strength to release someone who squandered the benefit I gave them. A Miracle Every Day On a cloudy day last fall, a group of young sparrows crackled through the sweet gum tree leaves searching for food. They were so small. My mom and I were on the porch of the nursing home where she lives. Mama has always drawn my eyes to the bird in the hedge, the tiny lizard on the leaf and the insect on the ground. Both of my parents have appreciated nature and the miracle of small things. I am grateful that I have not gone through life unaware of the other lives all around me. My dad was a science teacher and I was introduced to so many different creatures and creations. His classroom was holy ground to me. This reverence for life is one of the most precious gifts my parents have instilled in me. If I pay attention I will find a miracle every day. Thank you Mama, thank you Daddy. Stolen story; please report. To My Love I wanted Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.to give you the world but I didn''t have the world to give. I wanted to be spectacular in your eyes so you wouldn''t see my flaws. Here I am so very human and limited and poor. My love is small but it is yours. Creativity Art happens inside of me. It is at times a lonely endeavor. It requires time spent with self. Sometimes the results are good. Sometimes it is an utter fail. I once took a dim view of failure. Now, I know it is a part of the process. By accepting that, I am not so often strangled by the fear that others will not like what I create. I don''t always like what I create, so why should everybody else? There is deep value in the engagement of the imagination. To bring the invisible thought into a visible reality, for me is a kind of magic that keeps me committed to expressing what my creative spirit conjures. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. There are so many different forms of creativity. Creativity is that spark inside that wants to make something whether it''s a poem, a joke, or a loaf of bread. When you look at the clouds, what do you see? Our imaginations are powerful tools. Draw a picture, color with crayons or markers, paint your toenails, pick up sea shells, put together an outfit. Do something that taps into that part of you that delighted in sharing something you made as a child. Duck Song The ducks were at it AGAIN! Petunia Fairy clapped her hands over her ears. Theodore Duck had got it in his head that GOD wanted him to create an Evensong Choir! Ducks could not sing, but Theodore insisted he was doing the will of God. Personally Petunia thought it was a rich excuse to make a lot of racket, which Theodore was fond of. He also liked to be the center of attention. So every evening he raised his wings as the sun kissed the duckpond goodnight and began. Every freaking evening! Petunia HATED it, but the ducks ENJOYED it! Right now would be a good time to make friends with a Genie and get three wishes, but she didn''t believe in Genies, even though she was a fairy. Still, if she had one wish, just one, it would be to silence the ducks permanently. Currently she was considering murder, but she was a fairy after all and fairies were not prone to violence, at least that is what her mother told her. However as the racket rose in volume, she began to wonder if she might be a different sort of fairy. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. Bull Frog hopped up beside her. She complained, ¡°I wish someone would shut them up!¡± He side eyed her and croaked, ¡°Ducks can not help that they are bad singers, but that does not mean they should not sing. It is the way they are designed.¡± Petunia said, ¡°God should have come up with a better design.¡± ¡°For who, you or the ducks?¡± Not waiting for her response, Bull Frog hopped away. The question unsettled Petunia. What if she was the one who had been badly designed? What if in the eyes of God the ducks were just fine the way they were? When complete darkness fell, the ducks waddled silently off. It would be another twenty-three and a half hours before Petunia would have to endure their chorus again. Upset and confused, Petunia made her way home. As she passed the church, she saw Church Mouse sitting on the front steps eating a Communion wafer. She went up to him and asked, ¡°Do you like the Duck¡¯s Evensong Choir? I hate it. Is there something wrong with me?¡± ¡°No. It is okay not to like duck singing. The Good Lord told his creation to make a joyful noise, he didn¡¯t command it to sing pretty.¡± ¡°He should have.¡± Church Mouse replied, ¡°Well, silencing all creatures that can¡¯t carry a tune seems harsh to me.¡± Though she would not say it out loud, it did sound harsh. She asked, ¡°What am I supposed to do?¡± Church Mouse broke off a bit of his Communion wafer and handed it to Petunia. ¡°Maybe you could focus on how happy the singing makes the ducks. Or, maybe you could stuff your ears with moss. Either way, I say let anyone who wants to make a joyful noise make a joyful noise.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± This was not the answer Petunia wished for, but it was the one she got. Definitions I have been on quite a journey these past two weeks. When life tips, equilibrium is difficult to realign. I am not there yet, but I have found myself reassessing my current reality. Right now Type A is not viable or even healthy for me. I have realized I needed to challenge my personal and creative standards. What is their purpose? Are they working for me? How much fear have I allowed into my writing process? If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Eternity If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I have a few special friends in my life who defy time. Whether it¡¯s been a year or two since I last saw them, the instant I am with them, I am with them. When we are together it is like stepping into an eternal space that will always be. We laugh, we cry, we commiserate. We understand each other, not because we are similar, but because we are different and we love each other for our differences. Many relationships come and go, but only a few come and go and return again and again with signs of growth, change and familiarity. These precious friends teach me and hold me with love that reflects eternity. Through the Sea One perfect night, under the largest moon, the children that we were, sailed into the country sky through the sea of stars. United in our imagination we held on to each other and the wooden pallet that was our raft. How sweet was the journey... If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Dust Bunny Monsters The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. I have been pursuing authenticity and self kindness. Today it meant that I was kind to myself when I welcomed my friend and her boys into my house without shame. I have a number of skills but housekeeper is not among them. The shame I have felt over this lack is something I am working on. I did pretty good today. I enjoyed my company. They had come to see our baby angelfish. We laughed and talked about fish and pets. After they left I saw the dust bunny monsters that had crept out to see who had come to visit and I smiled. I think dust bunny monsters like company too. Between Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. The Pitch