《Letting Go...》 My Daddy How do I sound? Gentle, I hope-- strong? Not physically, no, but inside I''m fierce. If I love you, you are loved...even if you don''t love me back. I keep things close. You are only goin'' to know as much as I choose to reveal...even when I am payin'' for you to listen to me. This Life: Hope This morning I was awake thinking. It would have been nice if I was asleep thinking because that would have meant I was dreaming and not pondering the ponderables. I was thinking about experiences, those fleeting ones. The ones that seem like they are going to happen but don''t. That high tide of hope and expectation form quite a wave and feels like the best is happening and then...and then. For a time I saw hope as the risk not worth risking. It was best to wait and see and not expect much...and then....and then. I started to miss hope. I started to miss that feeling, that glorious expectation when something seems possible. When hope got near me, I would not notice at first and then, it would grab me and there I was believing in good things, in the possibility of good things. Not so long ago I realized that by immunizing myself against hope I had closed myself off from believing in the possibility of good things. In that instant I saw how keeping hope off my heart''s porch was not making the tough stuff in life any less painful or hard. It was instead, robbing me of positive thoughts and positive energy. Regardless of the out come hope offers moments that give a heavy heart a little time to breath and enjoy what might be. What might be...by opening myself up to what might be I began to feel the fear and bitterness that had put me off hope shrink. Hope does not make it all better, but it does mean that I believe that better is possible, that good does happen. Hope... Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. As I am Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.As I am... It is a journey made every moment to see myself as I am. To cherish, to not forsake the unlovely and the flawed, to speak kindness to myself when I weep because of what I am not. To believe even my mistakes bear the possibility of redemption. Perception ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? One week and one day ago I bought a Russian Tortoise. I was told she was female so I named her Tree. Tree was symbolic, tied in part to Mother Nature. I have spent a week and a day chickbonding with my girl...only this afternoon after some research I discovered, she is not a she. I was not mad at the pet store, which would have been reasonable, oh no, I was mad at Tree for taking me in with his gorgeous bright eyes and making me believe he was something he was not. Crisis thinking ensued. I always and only get female pets. Not one has duped me, until now. If I hadn¡¯t been convinced he was a she I would not have bought him...but I was convinced and I pride myself on my intuition...so not only was I duped, my intuition failed me. Not cool. Then after a ridiculous search for a new name, and dealing with some major disappointment that I was not going to grow old with my Sista friend Tree, I realized that Tree is still Tree. Tree still has gorgeous eyes and a grumpy disposition. His gender is his gender, he was always a male. I was the one who could not see the possibility of growing old with a brother friend. Now I do. You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? In Time Strange how little we know. When the world was hit by the unknown we were all unprepared. The disparity of this virus entered my personal world and has encompassed my mother¡¯s life. A number of residents and one worker tested positive for Covid on Sunday at the facility where my mom lives. The west wing was converted into a quarantine hall. My mom is in the end stages of congestive heart failure. It has been a hard week. Her Covid-19 test came back negative. At 1:30 a.m. Monday morning I got a call from the nursing home. My mom was having severe chest pains and her blood pressure was spiking. They called me to talk to her to see if I could give her some calm and comfort. With my phone on speaker phone, I drove to the nursing home in case it was time, in case this was it. I did not know if I would be let in or not, but I did know I had to be as close to her as I could be. For an hour and forty-five minutes I held the phone. My mom could not talk much, I did not know what to say, but we could hear each other breathing. Breathing is an act of the living. The hospice nurse came, my mom was given more morphine and her dosage was increased. Finally, she was able to go to sleep. I went back home. I could not go to sleep, so masked and gloved, I went to Walmart as soon as it opened and I bought dolls. If dolls were whisky, I would have been plastered! I have collected dolls my whole life, I made them for a while, and I love them always. I got surprise dolls full of little packets I could open. This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon. Tuesday when I went to talk to my mom on our walkie talkies, through the window I saw residents with masks on seeking to find out who was still on this side of quarantine. There was joy in seeing one another and fear. All grumblings about confinement were silenced. A real threat hangs over them, over my mother. The home was testing workers again yesterday, in the front room where the windows are, so we could not visit through the window. I went around back to the window where her room is. She cannot stand long so she got up and waved at me. The staff gave her a remote phone to talk to me. I told her to get back in bed. For thirty minutes we visited. I do not know if this will be the way it is going to be from now on. I have had to learn to roll with what is and not waste time on what is not. All the way through... Words. Lethal, loving, open, wall building. I have been thinking about how words are used and how they are spoken, how they are written, how they are received. What was intended and what was heard are not always the same. What was written and how the words are perceived do not always match up. We all bring such different perspectives to our hearing and our reading of words. What might be a red flag to me, may not even be a pale shade of pink to someone else. I have been thinking a lot about the limitation of my own perception of words and how I have used that to label people. Honestly, I want to put my label gun away. It sure causes problems. It is amazing how fast I can start to classify people, and shove them into little boxes that I label and ignore. I won''t listen to that, or read that because in my opinion it means... This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. I got a lesson in words the other day while driving my mom around. She was telling me a story I have heard SO MANY times. I always derail the story or redirect it because I simply cannot bear to hear it AGAIN. But I decided Friday that for once I would just let her finish. I am working on listening more thoroughly. Its hard. So, I let my mom tell the whole story, right to the end. In the past I had always gotten mad thinking my mom did not understand. I thought she was telling me about how much better off she was, but that was not it at all. For the first time I heard her grief over a person we love being shamed because of their poverty, of being treated as invisible and also for not being honored for their hard work despite their circumstances. When I heard her tell the story ALL THE WAY THROUGH my heart hurt. In the past I had been so busy putting my mom in her box that I did not hear what she was trying to express to me. But, I also felt something else, I felt grateful to have a mom with such a big heart. Words matter. Stories matter. Listen and read all the way through. The Benefit The benefit of the doubt...what exactly is that? I often find myself caught between being kind and wondering if I have strayed into doormat territory. I strive to be civil, but there are times when I wish my natural inclination leaned toward a twitter rant. Sometimes getting even feels like the only thing worth getting. And yet, there is the pause. Is there a reason this person is being such a jack ass? But the better question for me has become am I willing to engage with this person? Is my precious time and energy something I want to spend? And if I do choose to spend it-- WHY? There will always be people who are looking for a fight, and there are also people who manage to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. I know I have been one of them. Words and actions can fly fast and hard before the brain and the heart can engage. Sometimes the brain and heart do not engage. I have zero control over what someone else thinks or feels, and that is something I must remember. Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! I struggle with those who advocate giving another the benefit of the doubt but refrain from ever doing it themselves. Words are so easy to say, yet so hard to enact or take back. I have been told actions speak louder than words and I agree. Still, there are those who chose to be blind and too often they define kindness by whatever and whoever aligns with their own ideology. Not cool. The benefit of the doubt, I think means to be open to the possibility that I may be wrong. It means that I believe a person may unknowingly do harm out of ignorance. I know I have. It means that I believe that apologies can be sincere until proven otherwise. I also believe the benefit of the doubt means that there can be potential in someone I can''t stand. The benefit of the doubt does not mean I am naive or weak. It takes a lot of courage to say, "I could be wrong," to another person. It takes a lot of strength to release someone who squandered the benefit I gave them. A Miracle Every Day On a cloudy day last fall, a group of young sparrows crackled through the sweet gum tree leaves searching for food. They were so small. My mom and I were on the porch of the nursing home where she lives. Mama has always drawn my eyes to the bird in the hedge, the tiny lizard on the leaf and the insect on the ground. Both of my parents have appreciated nature and the miracle of small things. I am grateful that I have not gone through life unaware of the other lives all around me. My dad was a science teacher and I was introduced to so many different creatures and creations. His classroom was holy ground to me. This reverence for life is one of the most precious gifts my parents have instilled in me. If I pay attention I will find a miracle every day. Thank you Mama, thank you Daddy. Stolen story; please report. To My Love I wanted Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.to give you the world but I didn''t have the world to give. I wanted to be spectacular in your eyes so you wouldn''t see my flaws. Here I am so very human and limited and poor. My love is small but it is yours. Creativity Art happens inside of me. It is at times a lonely endeavor. It requires time spent with self. Sometimes the results are good. Sometimes it is an utter fail. I once took a dim view of failure. Now, I know it is a part of the process. By accepting that, I am not so often strangled by the fear that others will not like what I create. I don''t always like what I create, so why should everybody else? There is deep value in the engagement of the imagination. To bring the invisible thought into a visible reality, for me is a kind of magic that keeps me committed to expressing what my creative spirit conjures. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. There are so many different forms of creativity. Creativity is that spark inside that wants to make something whether it''s a poem, a joke, or a loaf of bread. When you look at the clouds, what do you see? Our imaginations are powerful tools. Draw a picture, color with crayons or markers, paint your toenails, pick up sea shells, put together an outfit. Do something that taps into that part of you that delighted in sharing something you made as a child. Duck Song The ducks were at it AGAIN! Petunia Fairy clapped her hands over her ears. Theodore Duck had got it in his head that GOD wanted him to create an Evensong Choir! Ducks could not sing, but Theodore insisted he was doing the will of God. Personally Petunia thought it was a rich excuse to make a lot of racket, which Theodore was fond of. He also liked to be the center of attention. So every evening he raised his wings as the sun kissed the duckpond goodnight and began. Every freaking evening! Petunia HATED it, but the ducks ENJOYED it! Right now would be a good time to make friends with a Genie and get three wishes, but she didn''t believe in Genies, even though she was a fairy. Still, if she had one wish, just one, it would be to silence the ducks permanently. Currently she was considering murder, but she was a fairy after all and fairies were not prone to violence, at least that is what her mother told her. However as the racket rose in volume, she began to wonder if she might be a different sort of fairy. Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon. Bull Frog hopped up beside her. She complained, ¡°I wish someone would shut them up!¡± He side eyed her and croaked, ¡°Ducks can not help that they are bad singers, but that does not mean they should not sing. It is the way they are designed.¡± Petunia said, ¡°God should have come up with a better design.¡± ¡°For who, you or the ducks?¡± Not waiting for her response, Bull Frog hopped away. The question unsettled Petunia. What if she was the one who had been badly designed? What if in the eyes of God the ducks were just fine the way they were? When complete darkness fell, the ducks waddled silently off. It would be another twenty-three and a half hours before Petunia would have to endure their chorus again. Upset and confused, Petunia made her way home. As she passed the church, she saw Church Mouse sitting on the front steps eating a Communion wafer. She went up to him and asked, ¡°Do you like the Duck¡¯s Evensong Choir? I hate it. Is there something wrong with me?¡± ¡°No. It is okay not to like duck singing. The Good Lord told his creation to make a joyful noise, he didn¡¯t command it to sing pretty.¡± ¡°He should have.¡± Church Mouse replied, ¡°Well, silencing all creatures that can¡¯t carry a tune seems harsh to me.¡± Though she would not say it out loud, it did sound harsh. She asked, ¡°What am I supposed to do?¡± Church Mouse broke off a bit of his Communion wafer and handed it to Petunia. ¡°Maybe you could focus on how happy the singing makes the ducks. Or, maybe you could stuff your ears with moss. Either way, I say let anyone who wants to make a joyful noise make a joyful noise.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± This was not the answer Petunia wished for, but it was the one she got. Definitions I have been on quite a journey these past two weeks. When life tips, equilibrium is difficult to realign. I am not there yet, but I have found myself reassessing my current reality. Right now Type A is not viable or even healthy for me. I have realized I needed to challenge my personal and creative standards. What is their purpose? Are they working for me? How much fear have I allowed into my writing process? If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Eternity If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I have a few special friends in my life who defy time. Whether it¡¯s been a year or two since I last saw them, the instant I am with them, I am with them. When we are together it is like stepping into an eternal space that will always be. We laugh, we cry, we commiserate. We understand each other, not because we are similar, but because we are different and we love each other for our differences. Many relationships come and go, but only a few come and go and return again and again with signs of growth, change and familiarity. These precious friends teach me and hold me with love that reflects eternity. Through the Sea One perfect night, under the largest moon, the children that we were, sailed into the country sky through the sea of stars. United in our imagination we held on to each other and the wooden pallet that was our raft. How sweet was the journey... If you find this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the infringement. Dust Bunny Monsters The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. I have been pursuing authenticity and self kindness. Today it meant that I was kind to myself when I welcomed my friend and her boys into my house without shame. I have a number of skills but housekeeper is not among them. The shame I have felt over this lack is something I am working on. I did pretty good today. I enjoyed my company. They had come to see our baby angelfish. We laughed and talked about fish and pets. After they left I saw the dust bunny monsters that had crept out to see who had come to visit and I smiled. I think dust bunny monsters like company too. Between Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. The Pitch
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.They said, ¡°You get to you choose¡ª¡° as they tilted you to a side you had never seen. They said, ¡°You have your own mind¡ª¡° while they pointed to the thought they wanted you to think. They said, ¡°All this will be yours¡ª¡° when it was always just for them. Follow Finally draft 2 of my historical novel has 200 pages ??The 200 page mark is special to me. It fills me with a sense of accomplishment because those 200 pages are hard won. I have written way more than 200 pages in this draft but I had to cut a lot loose because it did not flow or fit. Cutting stuff is always painful. I never think though that I wasted my time writing things I did not keep because sometimes it takes a lot of words before the true path of the story can be uncovered. Also in the fodder of what is cast off may be the seed for another story. This current novel I am working on was inspired by an interaction between two characters that never made it into my novel, Eternal Beloved. Eternal Beloved took a lot of starts and stops before the story was done. Along the way I killed off and later un-killed several characters. (None came back from the dead. I just realized they didn''t need to die to take the story forward.) The research I did for Eternal Belovedinformed other aspects of my work and my life. Putting letters down is never wasted effort. Words lead somewhere. Follow... Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. Moon and Water For a year of my life, I lived in an old two story house built in the 1900s. Living there was one of my dreams. My favorite nights were those when the full moon rose over the water. I drew this picture and wrote this poem about how the moon and water made me feel. The moon has always inspired me and given me hope. May you be touched by hope this day. Support the creativity of authors by visiting Royal Road for this novel and more. Reflection The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. My Shadows Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. We Are This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. Dark Waters If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Lolly: A Writathon Challenge When I saw the Writathon post on Royal Road, I thought well that''s interesting. As the day progressed I thought about how much I enjoyed writing a poem a day for National Poetry Writing Month in April. It was a challenge to just write a poem and post it, without getting entrenched in rewrites trying to make it perfect. There was something freeing in creating a poem everyday. With Writathon, a daily post has proven to be much, much harder for me. I love spending time doing research, rewriting, rereading letting time take its course and follow the flow. With Lolly, all that has gone out the literary window. I give myself 24 hours from start to finish to go from first draft, to second draft to posting. I have not played Candy Crush in 2 weeks! Some days the word flow is good, other days it is a slow crawl that just has to do. This process for me makes me feel very vulnerable. I know I''m not writing in the more popular genres. But, a few of you are showing up to read my work and that means the world to me. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. Thank you all so much! Wishing You Thanksgiving To be thankful..for, What? Who? Where? The world is not a fair place. There are the haves too much, has enough, has not and those who have nothing. Every day I visit a place where people are biding their time. They have reached a ripe old age...is age ripe? I do believe it can be, but I also have seen it not be. As I look back over this year, I vaguely remember seeing faces, hugging people, visiting people, singing as loud as I wanted, and I did not realize what gifts those were. This year has taught us hard lessons, exposed our tendency to take things and people and places for granted. We have seen violence, fire, hate and shreds of hope. Our comfort zones have been challenged, or trampled, or left for dead. It takes a commitment to hope, to not get sucked into the conflicting doomsayers of this time. It takes courage to keep breathing in the midst of so much grief and confusion. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Is the future bleak? It might be...a look back at history tells us it definitely could be. A look back at history will also reveal individuals and communities who continued to share whatever dim light they possessed in the midst of historical darkness. In history we will find communities, saints, teachers, scientists who continued to pursue faith in yet unseen solutions and remedies. They did not believe the impossible tasks before them were impossible. May we join them this season from our own place in time and continue to believe that there are possibilities in the midst of our current chaos. Wishing you the spirit and the practice of Thanksgiving! Time It Took Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon. Time it took time still to sort through what was retrieved still trying to figure out what bits are worth keeping and what bits are temptations to rebuild the life I was never meant to lead. Ode to My Red Flip Flops Some things are magic in memory. I still remember my very first pair of flip flops. I was only two and they were perfect in my eyes. I loved the design on the red strap and the sound they made as they slapped against my little heels. Poem and image are an ode to my beloved flip flops. Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit. The Dance Beginnings. We all got here the same way. Some of us were conceived in love, others were conceived by accident, some were conceived in violence and others via test tube. However you got here, you got here. This is the place of being and a fresh opportunity. I wish that life were fair. I wish that we all landed with the same playing gear and on the same playing field but we don''t. Its not fair. I used to try to achieve fairness, but it can''t be done. The scales are always tipping. I was watching someone the other night whose personal live is currently a disaster, and yet there she was enjoying the moment she was in, moving to the music as it played. I thought, that is how I want to be. I want to recognize the moments of joy, to hear the music, to move. I can not erase all the hard stuff in my life but neither should I be consumed by it. I two miles today (on my stationary bike in front of the window that looks out on my back yard. Outside it was dark and nasty. The wind was dancing in the leaves. The way the tree tossed and swayed reminded me of how I used to dance and twirl with the wind when I was a child. Did you ever do that? It got me to wondering what makes us stop dancing with the wind? Do we have to? Can we still dance? I think we can, and as soon as I get up the courage, and the weather is a little better, I am going to do it again. This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. * my original original woodcut print Imagine Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. Birds...how I have longed to fly...to have feathers and be able to leap into the air, and be caught by the wind. My favorite bird is the sparrow. Brown jacket, yellow beak, bright eyes. They inspire me because they are small and can live wherever they build their nest. As much as I love making art and writing, some days I think I would trade it all to have wings instead of hands. Think of being able to fly while not being encapsulated in a machine of any kind. Imagine feeling the wind swirl all around you while it sang it''s whistling tune. Turtle Plate Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere. This is a fused glass plate I made last week. One of the things I love about working with fused glass is that mistakes are expected and can be reused. The multicolor glass once was a vase that went horribly wrong in the kiln. It was a big puddly vase. When I tried to even it up with my grinder, it broke, so I put the remains in a plastic bag. I had cut out some green discs and smoothed them out. I came across the failed broken vase when I was cleaning off my work space. I also found some glass disc I had made. An idea came to me. I put my favorite broken pieces on the disc. I cranked up my kiln to full fuse for twelve hours. That night I peeked inside and this is what it had become. Sometimes when I open my kiln, the results just feel like magic. Sometimes it''s amazing when a mistake or failure leads to something good. Keep At It There are friends who seem to show up when you need them. Conversations with them consists of more than gossip or personal competition. These conversations are heart and soul felt exchanges where you know that the other person gets you and you get them. Such friendships are rare and precious. I learned the hard way not to expect more from a person than they are able to give. Each of us are finite, and we only stretch so far. Sometimes I over estimate people and sometimes I underestimate them. Interaction with other humans is an ever changing experience. I get it wrong, I get it right. Sometimes I completely miss the ball park and the boat. At other times I am right on target. I have always wished my accuracy was better, but it is what it is. Acceptance of self and others is a long life journey. Knowing the difference between what I need to accept in myself and others continues to be a mystery that I sometimes solve, more often I don''t. Still, I keep at it. I encourage you to keep at it too. This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there. * This little fused glass Princess that I made, is something I may have shared before, but I love her because of her imperfections. On the Radio
Music time hop Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. the song our song filters through the chaos of my current scenario. I close my eyes and you are here until the song our song fades. * Music is an amazing vehicle. It can transport us from the present into our own distant past. Certain songs we heard as children, bring back memories of dear friends and goofy stuff we did. There are days when I hear a song and I''m suddenly thirteen and in the middle of a painful crush. Another song will take me to the sweet, very confusing time when I was falling in love with my husband. Then, there are the songs my cousins and I sang at the top of our lungs in my grandpa''s cow pasture. I wonder what those cows thought about our, " ahem," music ?? When I''m out driving, whether I''m listening to my playlist or the radio, suddenly I will do a time hop and I am in another place and another time. Where does music take you? The Dome As a small child I lived in the country, in a big old house beneath huge trees. I have vague memories of patterns of light and dark beneath those trees. I think that is when I fell in love with trees and light. After my dad got a teaching job on the coast, we moved into a small town outside of Houston. On weekends we went to my grandparents. It was so much fun. My cousins were there and we either played in the gully or roamed the cow pastures and fields. I miss that so much. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. This past week I felt trapped by my suburban life. Actually I was feeling sorry for myself. Waaaah... Last night when I went to my car, a brisk wind was blowing and I happened to look up. There above me was the wide, clear sky. The north wind had blown all the pollution and dust out of the air. Stars shown down and I saw the great dome of the night. Joy flooded into me. How had I forgotten the sky? It is always there, bigger than anything on this earth. Whether it be night or day, the sky gives me perspective and helps me remember that beauty can be found if only I will look. I breathed in the cold air and enjoyed the breeze that brushed against my face. It was only moments but I felt that I had reconnected with the little girl inside of me. And she laughed with delight! Mama, Me and the Glass Monkey This is a little glass sculpture I did of a monkey holding a baby monkey. If you look closely, you can see the baby in her lap. As I studied the finished piece, I realized that once again, my art had uncovered something that was lurking inside of me. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. My mom is in hospice. My brother died of a brain aneurysm a number of years ago. One day, my mom told me, "I want to see Bubba again, but I don''t want to leave you." A mother''s heart is a deep and complex thing. I knew what she meant. She knows that I am cherishing each day with her, while at the same time, holding her loosely. I don''t want her to feel beholden to me. I tell her I will be okay and not to worry. But, she does. The love my mother taught me, is the kind of love I try to infuse into the stories I write. Real love exists. It is flawed and ragged, at times even ugly, but it can be found. For the first time in my life, I realize truly appreciate who my mom is. I admire her courage and also her ability to be honest on tough days. She is teaching me to accept life as it is. I am thankful. My Two First Loves Life is complicated and time blurs the edges of memory. I had two first loves. I will start with my second first love because for a very long time I thought he was my only first love...only he wasn''t. I was fourteen,full of ideas and determined. I had a crush, a huge crush on a very silent boy. It seems I always fell for the silent ones...the ones I could not quite reach verbally or emotionally. He was my first high school boyfriend. Our time together was brief but intense. I truly believed I would love him forever, that I had discovered my future and it was set and good. So many expectations, so much planning into adulthood left me very frightened. I made him promises I did not have the maturity to keep. All at once I just knew I had to let him go. I was not who I told him I was. I was not in forever love, and looking back the love I felt was founded more in fantasy than reality. It is easy to recreate someone into someone they are not when they live hours away. I felt horrible when I broke up with him, but it was not working. I had grown weary of living for the next time I could see him. Would it be in a month or two? My first first love, was not romantic, but it was sweet and deep. A little boy had moved in next door. He had two older brothers I did not pay much attention to them. This boy, at the age of six, introduced himself and asked me, age four, if I would be his friend. I did not get out of my own backyard much because my brother and I stayed home with my mom while my dad worked. I didn''t really have friend friends. I did have cousins though...lots of them, but I only saw them when I went to my Grandma''s. So I was delighted that this next door neighbor boy with sparkling eyes and a slight lisp wanted to be my friend. When I started first grade, our mothers made us walk to and from school together. Our mothers told him he had to hold my hand when we crossed the street and he did. I always felt so safe with him. One day after a big rain, we took off our school shoes and splashed through the puddles all the way home. When he moved away, I was sad. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. Two years later my mom and his mom reconnected and we went to the farm where they lived. My friend was back. We were older but it was like no time had passed. He had an easy friendly way about him. One year passed into another. He was quite popular with the girls. I did not feel jealous just annoyed because I thought he sounded stupid when he flirted and he flirted a lot. He was a bit too wild for me. We were beginning to travel further apart, and yet somehow that kinship we had always shared remained. The last time I saw him I was twenty and he was newly married. It felt so strange because we were no longer children and the relationship we shared was behind us. Our paths have not crossed since, but when I think of him it always makes me smile. There was no guilt in our parting, no promises broken, just time and distance. And unlike my second first love, my first first love was founded in reality and time spent together for years. I can still see his eyes dancing and I can still hear his voice. If anyone had asked me in first grade who I was going to marry, I would have said his name. If anyone had asked me at fourteen who I was going to marry I would have said his older brother¡¯s name. Both remain precious to me because my second first love helped me grow up and my first first love grew upwith me. Shoreline After a week of power outages (we were without power for 40 hours over the course of 3 days) and freezing cold stormy skies, light and warmth mean a great seal to me to me this week. Yesterday we finally had a day of full blown sunshine and it was glorious! I hope you are safe and warm this week. I hope the sun visits you in all her glory! I am wishing very much for Spring right now. ???? Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings. Up Ending the World I have a Russian Tortoise named Tree. Yesterday, I cleaned out his sheep trough. Yup, he lives in a sheep trough. It is bigger and way sturdier than a baby pool and deep enough to keep him from climbing out. He was not happy about me digging up his dirt. He was less happy about me, putting in the new dirt and moss. He marched around like an angry little soldier. He has a look out cave and he climbed up on it and surveyed his territory. It had changed, it did not smell the same. His tiny little bright eyes looked up at me and asked, "What in the hell did you do to my world?" And then, he looked down. I had not packed enough dirt around his look out, so from a tiny tortoise''s perspective it was a long way down. At first I started to pick him up and set him back down, but he is not fond of being handled. So I decided to wait and see what he would do. Being a tortoise means everything takes TIME. After several long neck looks down, he took the plunge off the side nearest the wall. His heavy body slid sideways and landed on a clump of moss that totally kept him from falling as he wedged himself down tortoise style. I gave him some food and he forgot all about his upside down world. By the time he finished eating, he was sleepy. He climbed into his cave and went to dream land. I wonder what tortoises dream about? How slow does a tortoise dream? The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there. ??zzzz. My First Novel This is cover art I did for my low fantasy novel, FAND. I hope to start posting it this summer. FAND was the first full length novel I ever attempted. There were a lot of starts and stops. I got completely lost several times. I had never written a long sustained story in my life, so I had a lot to learn. I always thought I would just write poetry and illustrate children''s books, writing a novel was never on my radar. One morning while sitting in my college German class, we were going over our vocabulary words. The word, fand, leapt out at me. Only it wasn''t just a word, it became a name, FAND. It was my first experience with a character appearing fully in my head and I didn''t quite know what to make of her. I could see her, I could hear her. She had a story that she wanted me to tell. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. That evening at home, I got out a notebook and a pen and I began to write. Over the next few weels I wrote 75 pages and then it stopped. Nothing came. I had written myself into a corner and I didn''t know how to get out. I put it aside and began another novel. I had gained some skill and this one progressed much more smoothly. From time to time I would go back to FAND, but the problems seemed insurmountable. More time passed. It wasn''t until I started doing research for Eternal Beloved that I began to find threads in actual history that would help me work through my writing issues and story issues with FAND. It has been a long journey. I am looking forward to sharing Fand''s story with you. I will keep you posted as to the actual date I will start posting FAND. For now, I am still pegging along working on Lolly''s story and Lydia''s story. I have a few more weeks to go before I complete Lolly. As for Eternal Beloved I''m not sure yet. I hope to hav it completed by May. Time it Took This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.time still to sort through what was retrieved still trying to figure out what bits are worth keeping and what bits are temptations to rebuild the life I was never meant to lead. Disclosure A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. Can I tell my story without telling part of yours? Do I have the right to broadcast the secrets that we shared? If I loved you, I¡¯d keep silent. The love I believed in was just a belief. Never real, never true, yet¡ª still worthy of my silence. * This poem was inspired by a tell all book a celebrity put out. Shared secrets spilled...and it made me think about how crappy I have felt when something I said in private became public. Or, something I said got twisted beyond my intentional meaning. It also made me realize how vulnerable we are when we share our own stories. I don''t want to to leak secrets that hurt others, but I have at times because perfection is unobtainable in this life. Some secrets do need to be told, but others do not. When I write, even when what I write isn''t about me, it still is driven by my personal experience and my encounters with others. A Glimmer It had been a tough week, the kind where resources and energy are running low. I was feeling low. When I looked in the mirror to brush my hair, I noticed the necklace I always wear had come unclasped and the round pendant with the the word, Hope, on it was missing. I thought, Great, now I''ve lost hope! It was ironic, because I had been losing hope and now it was literally gone. I bought the necklace because a number of years ago I was running short on hope and I needed a touch stone. I got it because I needed hope, not wishful thinking but hope. Hope as I define it is the belief in possibility even when my prayers seem to evaporate as soon as they leave my heart. Hope is tough. It is not delusional. Hope doesn''t say, I''d be happy if. Hope believes that in the darkest shadows there may be glimmers of light, no matter how faint that light may be. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. This morning when I was plugging in my phone I found one blue bear ear that my dog had chewed off a toy. Just inches away from that blue ear was a faint glimmer embedded in the carpet. I reach down and pulled it out. It was my pendant! I had found hope, again. Not Here Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings. I cannot reach you no matter how far I stretch my heart you escape my arms and I grasp the nothing of where you refuse to be. What I See I came across this poem I wrote last year. My mom is not doing well. Every day I am loosing a bit more of her. I am doing my best to be present in the moment. I am so thankful for the life my mom and I have shared. It was not always an easy or pleasant life. There were some really tough times and some relationship snarls to over come. The thing I am most thankful for is that my mom and I have kept at it. I have learned so much about her these past two years. Her being in hospice in a nursing facility has made me slow down and listen harder and better. I don''t know how much longer it will be before I no longer physically hear her voice. I wish I could say I cherish every moment, but I don''t. It is hard to watch someone I love so much sink deeper and deeper into her illness. I am taking things one day, one moment at a time. I am not alone in this journey. I have my daughter, my husband and friends. I also have a good therapist that is helping me to navigate the process of dying. Hospice has a chaplain and a social worker that keep tabs on my mom and on me. I am thankful for each one of these people. Still, it hurts, and I am having to learn how to live with the hurt, with the discomfort of being present as my mom''s life journey nears the end. I choose to be there. This is not a choice that came or comes easy. It''s hard. I get to be with my mom right now. I get to make this journey with her. And I am grateful. Enjoying the story? Show your support by reading it on the official site. Flower Stars Help support creative writers by finding and reading their stories on the original site. This is the last entry of Letting Go. For all of you who stopped by and viewed my art and writing, thank you so much. I was reluctant to complete this collection, but I realized this morning that it was time for me to let go of Letting Go. I may do this again at some point in time in the future, but for now I feel like it is time to move on. Take care! Joyce?? This Creative Life Follow your dreams¡­following my dreams has not meant I have written a best seller or scored a movie deal. It has not meant selling my art and being famous or rich. For me following my dreams has been an ongoing discovery of self and life in the midst of my creativity. What I have tried to do more than anything is to be true to my gifts. To use the talent I have been given to the best of my ability regardless of results. It has been hard traveling this road of rejection, but it has also taught me so much about the value of failure and bright light of persistence. There has been way more failure and persistence than there has been small successes. I have fallen more than I have climbed, but by the power of grace, I have managed to stand again and try again each time I have stumbled, fallen and wept for my broken, damaged, lost hopes. Do I hope again? I have tried not to, but always after a little time, I feel my heart rise inside of me. A new idea, thought or image takes root and becomes the avenue of my next creative endeavor. There is a kind of magic in the process of not giving up. There are however aspects of my dreams that I have released, like money, fame, world wide reach. Once I defined myself by my lack of success, money, recognition. I had to let that go as well. What matters most is the time I spend in pursuit of the stories and images that reside in my mind and heart. I do more than chase them, I put them on paper and fulfill them with words or glass, or ink, or paint. Even if no one sees what I have created, I still feel so thankful to be able to participate in the act of creation. I remind myself that so much beauty is never seen by human eyes. Does that mean the beauty does not exist without being seen? No that is not what it means. Beauty exists regardless of the number or complete lack of spectators. I have been given the opportunity to be among those who create. While I am not always thankful, I am in retrospect grateful for the ongoing adventure this creative life has given to me The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. Brighter Still My love for you exists in the silence of my heart. Words, too many, were not heard, or received¡­ or so it seems. My love burns no less bright. Perhaps it burns brighter still ¡ª because the clutter of language has ceased its expression and all that remains is light.. The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. This Little Light… Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. You taught me, ¡°This little light of mine, I¡¯m gonna let it shine¡­¡± You showed me how to do just that. As I watched you enter the shadows of your last days and nights I was deeply aware of what your light meant. I was only beginning to understand what the absence of your life would mean. Still I carry memories of all the times light filled your eyes and filled the room where you were. Thank you for shining for me. Thank you for teaching me the power of this little light of mine. All My Heart to love you. A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation. The Power of Writing Words Down For years I have kept a journal. At times it has been a place to rage, at others to rant and more often than not a place to reflect. In my personal struggles, spending time putting words to paper helps me sort through my inner chaos. I find that writing long hand on physical paper is my best mode of expression during these times. Fingers tapping a keyboard is not the same as feeling the paper beneath my hand, feeling the friction as I move my pen across page. Even the smell of ink from a cheap ball point pen can be soothing. A mode of writing that does not glow with light and is not accompanied by the tap of keys is a rare experience. Instead of reaching for my nearest screen, I reach for a battered notebook and search for a pen. I love that faint sound of the pen moving across the surface of the page. It is slower, it can¡¯t be copied, pasted or cut, but it can be scratched through and marked over. It can also be ripped out and crumbled, thrown away and retrieved. Take a little time to put words to actual paper. How long has it been? This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. The Gift A year ago yesterday you were coming to change my life on your white horse only you didn''t show lame excuse yellow lack of courage. Still I tried to get you on that damned horse but it kept turning into an ass and so did you until finally you slipped my grasp and set me free. Thanks for nothing. It was the best gift you could have given me. * Sometimes the best gift someone can give us is to walk away. It always hurts. What we want and what we need can be very different. Being a romantic I really did try to create knights in shining armor out of those who were not anything of the sort. Looking back I realize that my expectations got in the way more than a few times. It is much easier to expect another to be our hero than to own our own dreams. If only that person had been my knight, perhaps I needed to be my own knight, or maybe I never needed a knight in the first place. What is a knight anyway?
noun
The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. Growing Alligator Skin As a child, art, creating was a kind of magic¡­in adolescence it was still acceptable behavior. The move into adulthood was a bit traumatic because¡­art for art¡¯s sake is not practical. It is not a job job. So, I began doing shows with my art, trying to get my words published, trying to make that all important thing called money. And what happened at shows and in responses to my submissions? My work, my time and my investment in myself was rejected and/or criticized. I thought, well I must grow tough skin. I remember going to a book signing and telling the author that I wrote and I was growing alligator skin from all the rejection. The smile she gave me was weary. The truth is I have never grown alligator skin. I tried really hard, but alligators aren¡¯t known for their kind and tender hearts. For me the effort to grow such skin stunted me creatively. One day I thought, this is not working for me, and it wasn¡¯t. So I stopped. I accepted alligator skin was NEVER going to grow on me. I had to find a different way. I wanted to love creating the way I once had. It took time, but I finally managed to get back to creating magic. I have earned a little money with this approach, but it isn¡¯t practical or life supporting financially. It is however spirit supporting, and soul supporting. The process is the part that matters most. And I love the magic of the process. Yes it is tedious at times and hard at others. Still I¡¯d rather be comfortable in my skin, than be protected by an alligator exterior. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Learning to Live Tending to my mom, while she was in hospice was very much like tending to my babies. It was all consuming, and deep. I did not know where I stopped and she began. I lost all sense of myself as a separate person for awhile. Time passed and I wasn¡¯t even aware of how it was marking me. My life without her physical presence feels untethered¡­like I am floating in space and I can¡¯t find my rocket. I can¡¯t even remember where I parked it. During her illness I lost contact not only with myself but also with others.I still feel encapsulated and insulated. Slowly I am making my way back to life, but it is a very different life than it was before I learned the rules of letting go. Those are tough rules that make you want to hold on and hide at the same time. I did let go¡­I am still letting go¡­it hurts¡­its hard. You might be reading a pirated copy. Look for the official release to support the author. I miss Mama the way I missed my children when they grew into adults. They didn¡¯t need my constant care anymore and I wasn¡¯t sure who I was without that particular role. It took a while for me to rediscover me. Its taking time to do that again. Who am I without my mother? For all my life I was Sandra¡¯s daughter. I am still her daughter, but I no longer can share her physical light. I miss her so much. I don¡¯t think this kind of missing ever goes away, so I am learning to live with it. Sometimes I cry because I want to show Mama, I want to tell Mama. Yes, I can still talk to her in my heart, but it is just not the same as seeing her, knowing for sure that I am being heard, hearing her voice¡­hearing her laughter. What I miss most of all is her laughter and the shine in her eyes. She gave me so much light. That light does shine for me still. It warms me and keeps me going. Thank you, Mama. On a Side Street This poem comes from an actual occurrence that happened years ago. The memory is so vivid as is the question that still haunts me. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. From the window of my car I see dusk fall. Down a side street walks a crumpled man with a small girl on his shoulders. Her hair catches the scattering sunlight. Are they headed home to a crumbling apartment in the distant rundown neighborhood? I turn away. To my right, glass sky scrapers scrape the sky. Wealth and poverty side by side. There is not enough and never enough. I continue down the free way, haunted by the small girl with the shining hair. What will become of her? Looking for Light Small specks of lights glisten. So much darkness between. I look out at the lights¡­the traveling lights are old and weary. They are a map of what was. My eyes feel blistered by my staring. What am I looking for? Hope in the midst of my darkness? Yes, I am, but what will I find? My life is brief and growing briefer still with each breath I take. If I play dot to dot with all these specks of moving light, I can create a face¡­each dot connected could form the face of my mother. Mother¡­she was my light. She was the one who lit my darkness with hope. She was home¡­and now she is gone. I cannot find her among these stars and yet for some reason I feel like she is there among them and here within me. Is this foolishness? Love what you''re reading? Discover and support the author on the platform they originally published on. The telescope brings so much close that is distant. If only its lens could bring what is beyond the edges of the universe into view. Do universes have edges like the rims of of our oceans? So many questions. I¡¯ve always had too many. When I was a child my mother would say to me, ¡°Aurora, let your brain rest.¡± My brain has learned to rest, my heart has not. It is my heart that keeps me seeking, keeps me asking questions, keeps me searching for what I once held so easily. Sometimes as I study this view I wonder, if my mother¡¯s light still travels. Starlight still shines after stars stop producing light. I wonder, will my mother¡¯s light travel through me? Will it travel after me? What about my own light? How do I find it? Who can I share it with? I want to shine too. I believe I can. One View Often, in my creative life I have said, ¡°If what I write is appreciated by one person, my work and time are not wasted.¡± One view, just one. Right. When that one view is received and that one person shows up week after week to read my labors, do I really feel like I haven¡¯t wasted my time? If what I write is found worthwhile by that one person is that enough? The truth struck me hard when week after week, a story I post on a site has one, sometimes two views. I find that I am not as generous as I imagined, and I have fallen victim to the numbers game created by social media. This week I had to stop myself and contemplated, the one thing that someone has said to me, the one note or text I received, the time spent one on one that helped me take the next step, learn the next lesson, understand the next truth. What if those people had chosen not to share what was in their heart, if they had chosen not to share what had been given them to share, where would I be? I would not be in this here, in this now, as I am. Those one time occurrences have shaped me, helped me, opened new doors and new avenues of thought and reflection. I wish I could be happy about just one view, but I can¡¯t, not yet at least, maybe not ever. Still, I can be grateful for that one viewer, who ever they are, that shows up for me when no one else does. I know I will continue to delude myself with my own generosity, I am human after all, but I will also finish the story that I started, because of that one viewer. Whoever you are, thank you so much for showing up week after week. I don¡¯t know your name or who you are, but I appreciate you. You are worth my time and my effort. Thank you. Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. Tahita If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. This Skin This skin does not fit anyone but me. So don''t think you can put it on and intervene in my consequences, or fix me Unauthorized duplication: this narrative has been taken without consent. Report sightings. with your wisdom. I will try to do the same for you. In this life it is so easy to think we know better than another. I have had to fight the urge to fix or advise when it was not helpful or appropriate. Life is a tough gig, and so is love. We don¡¯t always have the answer, nor do we always have the means to heal. At best we can listen or just be with another. At other times what they need most is to work through their own stuff alone. It is hard to know what is needed, and sometimes we get it wrong. Learning to tread softly in the life and heart of another is a life long lesson. Upon rare occasions what another needs is a heavy step, a shout, and/or a yank to love them. But when the heavy step, the shout and/or the yank, go unrecognized or unheard, we have to take a step back and wait, and hope and pray¡­and sometimes we have to release. And that is hard. Through the Spaces Building memories without you feels like not having all the bricks or any mortar. Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. I keep seeing you through the spaces and the cracks that you would occupy if you were here. Grief is hard. It is hard to sit in and feel it. My first instinct is to run, but I have learned, grief can¡¯t be out run. It can be numbed for a while, but it always surfaces and demands to be dealt with. How I deal with it is important. Writing this poem helped ease the pain some. Creative expression offers a place to sort and identify and reveal what I feel and what I think. Dear Reader, if there is someone that your heart is missing. My heart goes out to you. To Cry ____________________________________ Its okay to cry¡ª cause it hurts. Tears are made This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. to fall. Disappointment happens. The things I wanted Didn¡¯t always come. Its a fine art to appreciate what I already have. In my life, I let too many blessings slip away¡ª while I focused on what I didn¡¯t receive. I don¡¯t want to waste any more of my time or my life longing for what Was never mine. ______________________________________ Good Days Good days don¡¯t announce themselves¡­often they aren¡¯t even entire days. But, when the good comes, and it does come, I am trying to enjoy it however it lands. I don¡¯t clutch it, or try to hold onto it. I also don¡¯t try to replicate good days, because they are unique unto themselves. When the sun shines in my heart and mind, that is a good day. There are times though, a good day is just being able to get from point A to point B. On those days I know the meaning of gratitude, because I did make it from point A to point B even though it was hard. For me good days and hard days aren¡¯t exclusive, sometime they happen in the same 24 hours. Like when good news comes after much worry. Or a misunderstanding gets resolved. If you made it through another day, my hope for you is that you are proud of yourself for your persistence. Wishing you hope and peace this night. If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Luna This is fused glass painted with glass paint and ceramic underglaze. While being fired the glass broke in four places. One of the best things about broken fused glass is that heat can heal it. I laid out the groken glass in the kiln and fired it again at 1400 degrees. While heat does heal, it doesn¡¯t remove scars. The breaks are still visible but they are mended. I used a portion of this piece as the cover art for my story, The Sea Castle. The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. Something Something quiet that doesn¡¯t light up and try to capture my attention. Something private for only my eyes that no one else will see Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. or track. Something that doesn¡¯t live in a cloud or on a flat screen. Give me a cheap ink pen, a lined notebook and silence¡­ Hard Work There is an old saying that I think, everyone who creates needs to hold on to. The saying is: Hard work is its own reward. Hard work requires dedication, discipline and the willingness to fail and start over. Its not an easy thing, but one grows in the process, and one learns so much. Lionel Richie says, ¡°If you win, you win, if you lose you learn.¡± I think we cripple ourselves creatively when we focus too much on what other people think about what we do. I went through a really dark time when what I was doing wasn¡¯t getting the results I thought it should. I became frozen, unable to create and deeply depressed. Releasing the magnitude of my expectations and grandiose dreams was like stepping out of a prison. I learned to create for the creation. I learned how to work for the work and all it gave me. I learned to shut out negative debilitating voices including my own. Creating will always be a challenge. It will engage us in a life long conversation about our worth and the worth of what we do. Don¡¯t let anyone stop this conversation inside of you. Honor the gifts you have been given, don¡¯t compare. Do what you do, watch your own growth. Celebrate every step gained, every technique gained, every moment when you feel yourself growing. I have had massive disasters that have enhanced my perception of the tools I use and the art I create. Live with your creative spirit and learn the steps it longs to teach you. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. To Remember It took so many years for me to remember the ways you loved me. What I needed and what you had to give did not match. From the broken child inside of you, you loved with all your fractured You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story. heart, a heart I could not heal. Still, I carry the love you gave me. It brings me joy where bitterness once grew. Different Compassion is not a course in educating those we deem ignorant. It is meeting one another in our complicated differences. It is acceptance, courage and the humility to lay down our self righteousness. I wrote the above lines after hearing how stupid someone¡¯s chosen beliefs were. Why do we do that? Why is someone stupid or dumb, just because they don¡¯t think the way that they should, in our opinion? It is a tale as old as time. Wars are fed by differences, families are shattered by differences. Different doesn¡¯t always mean stupid, it just means different. I don¡¯t have to understand it, but I can show respect. Different doesn¡¯t mean wrong most of the time. Dare to be different. Dare to accept others who are different. This book''s true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. Bird Parade There is a book of photography that I stumbled across when searching for books. I knew Eudora Welty as a writer, but I never knew she was also a photographer. The title of the book is, Eudora Welty Photographs. Her work is stunning. The photos are set in Mississippi in the 1930s. I was moved to tears as I viewed the photographs. So much humanity, so much that was real and raw and also beautiful. I was especially moved by her photographs of the Bird Parade. Women and girls dressed in wings and feathers marched together in the parade. Their creativity is reflected in their feathered attire. I have always loved birds and the thought of having wings and I longed to march with them. If you spot this narrative on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. A Prayer Help me make changes in myself not based upon my opinions, but based upon my commitment to love and make this world a better place. Let me not be so married to the things I think that I am not willing to listen to the thoughts of others. Help me not to be so concerned with my own heartbeat that I refuse to hear the heartbeat of another. Please let me know my own worth and not discount the worth of those who disagree with me. Move me into this day with peace and clarity. When chaos comes remind me that it will pass. This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings. Time to See The bud in the photo is a miracle of sorts. We adopted a Magnolia tree from a neighbor. The poor thing was root bound in a small pot and sickly. It had not bloomed and its leaves were sparse. What it most needed was to be removed from its small pot and given room for its roots to stretch out. My husband planted it and watered it. I went out every morning and spoke to the tree, not sure my words would actually help anything. What I needed and wanted most was for it to live, not just survive but thrive. It is thriving and it blessed me with beautiful short lasting blossoms. I didn¡¯t know much about Magnolia trees. I knew almost nothing about their blooms. It is amazing what observation and time spent can teach. Take some time to see. This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there. Always The letting go¡­ I loved you through the days and nights we shared. The memories that can bring both tears of joy and sorrow, The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. I hold close. I am thankful for every good moment we spent together. I release every difficult one, but I keep what I learned. I am thankful you came into my life¡­ I will miss you always¡­ Was and Is How did I land in the place and time of you. Our souls might never have met. If not for that moment, I would have been so much poorer Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. than I am. There is a richness in happenstance. I could have walked on by. I could have not gone at all¡­ only I did stop, I did go I did find you and you found me¡­ It was and is A struggle but it was and is us. And that is enough, and everything. There Is Breathe slow, tears are okay. The adventure is good¡ª but not easy. The wind moves through causing the grasses to dance. There is beauty This story has been unlawfully obtained without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. in the sky where brown pelicans soar in formation and gulls glide on outstretched wings. To be Rooted Trees have always felt like friends for me. I have a deep love for their presence in the world. As a small child I lived in a wooded area of Texas. I have vague memories of the patterns of leaves cast in shadow upon the ground. In my grandpa¡¯s cow pasture there was an ancient oak that my brother, cousins and I gathered around and played beneath its branches. It was over a hundred years old and we liked to imagine what the tree might have seen in its life time. After years of not having trees in our yard, a neighbor gave us a magnolia tree. It was not doing well cramped in its clay pot. My husband planted it. I believe in talking to trees, so I went out every morning and offered it encouraging words. I don¡¯t know if the words helped the tree (it bloomed this year) but my time with the tree helps me. It provide a place to slow down, breathe and focus on a still and silent life. Trees are rooted. They stay were they are put. They will thrive in good circumstances and perish in harsh ones. Each is made to thrive in a particular climate and area. Some thrive many places, others do not. For all but a few years of my life, I have lived in the same area in different houses. I need the sky to be a familiar sky with a familiar landscape. I am rooted here and I am thankful. Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there. Distance The long run. I signed up for it, not understanding the depth and time it would take to love you. Choosing to love, choosing to forgive, choosing to accept is hard. Knowing I don¡¯t have an answer or even know the right question to ask, jabs my pride. I would like to jump to conclusions, heap all the blame on your head, turn you into the baddy, just this once¡­ Though I have been deeply hurt, not heard and ignored, I still had a hand in this situation. I have kept to quiet, been too vague, expected you to read my mind, or was it my heart? I wonder often about why love has to be so challenging. It is arrogant of me to believe I am easy to love. Life is challenging and those challenges test love, stretch it, hurt it and sometimes utterly destroy it. Why? This imperfect me struggles with my own limitations, right now I just don¡¯t want to struggle with yours. I want a safe quiet place where no one can reach me, especially you. But more that getting away from you, my flawed love, I think I want to get away from myself even more. All the feelings I just don¡¯t want to feel refuse to be wished away no matter how hard I try. Since I can¡¯t distance me from myself, distancing myself from you looks like a solution. In a way it is, but it isn¡¯t entirely. My issues won¡¯t evaporate with your absence. I have to take responsibility for my own self and my own choices. I have to feel what I am feeling. At this moment I DO NOT WANT TO. What I want if for life to be easier. I want this difficult time to disappear. It won¡¯t. So I choose to continue to live this time of confusion, and uncertainty. I choose to believe in my own capacity to survive. I choose to allow myself to feel, to cry and grieve. I choose to be merciful and forgiving to you and to myself. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. Until… As I look at the photo of that young bride, I think about how very little she knew.She began with such hopes, dreams and impossible standards. Despite all that I have learned and misunderstood, deep down I am thankful that young woman was so idealistic, and so attached to her dreams. If she had not been would I be here now, knowing what I know? Would I have survived all I have survived? Broken dreams hurt¡­but they also are a symbol that I had the courage to dream and the courage to hope. Discovering that the man I married was not the man I dreamed of, but a flesh and blood person who was as flawed as I was, meant finally setting sail in the reality of human love. Yes, I have loved him poorly at times, as he has loved me poorly, and yet here we are knowing each other like no one else knows us. I have been far from the perfect wife, but I have loved my best¡­and it has cost me and also given me much. Often I come across that question, if you could tell your younger self one thing, what would you say. This morning I have flipped that question. If my younger self could tell my current self one thing, I think it would be, ¡°Continue to dream until your last breath.¡± Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. Rain on the Roof Remember the time we danced in the rain on the roof? That was joy in the midst of sorrow. I am grateful the human heart has the capacity to hold both sorrow and joy, sometimes together at the same time. The future that day was uncertain, but we were happy. Your laughter is a sound I hold dear. You were the one who taught me how to love in difficult circumstances. You taught me to keep the faith. You taught me what it means to be real. I remember how cold the rain drops were that fell from the springtime sky. They hit the tin roof and made music, our own separate rhythm. I see you, and our dear Ronnie, and all our hopes and dreams reflected in the rain. And I am thankful for the love of our family and the richness of our time shared. The author''s tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. To Continue To continue¡­there are times when just the first step is so paralyzing I can not move. What ifs fill my mind and none of them have satisfactory conclusions. It is all going to rubbish, I am sure, so why start at all? The most daunting thing I face creatively is the blank page, the empty screen, the unformed clay. These represent the place to fail, a place to succeed, or the place of nothing. Failure is always a possibility. I have poems, novel beginnings and more art pieces than I want to count, that disappointed me or left me feeling hopeless about my own talent and my own worth. Why? My value is not determined by what I make, or by what I make creating. It is so easy to get lost in a world that doesn¡¯t value my personal vision, or capabilities. Comparisons are poison. Being angry because I¡¯m unlucky doesn¡¯t help, but it is there, and it is very real for anyone who creates. Timing, how timing is drilled into us and how important it is. I spent so much time trying to conjure a place and a time for me to be discovered. In the long run, what I discovered was myself. What I began to create was a space where my creativity could breathe and grow. I took myself out of that cage that is the death trap of creativity. I stopped caring about what others did, or achieved or arrived at. Those who have luck and timing seem to think everyone will arrive too if they just work hard enough and long enough. Sometimes they are right, and sometimes all they are is lucky. For me continuing to face the page, the screen, the lump of clay brings me challenges, discoveries and the opportunity to be who I am created to be. So, I continue, because it is worth it to me. This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. The Meeting Today I felt like I was not connecting. There was an odd sense of peace though, because at least I was seeking a better route. At the moment it feels like only a miracle can change this situation. Something must happen ¡ªif it doesn¡¯t then it either isn¡¯t time or it isn¡¯t meant to be. I really don¡¯t want to cling to the result I want or beg for it. I just want to trust that I can continue to follow path¡­that hurts so much. I don¡¯t have the energy right now to conjure futures but at the same time I don¡¯t want to release hope. I think there is a place inside of me where despaired and acceptance exist. Both can be long and painful. Some days I do feel despair, but it¡¯s not where I want to live. I want to accept what comes next and meet it with all the love and courage I have. Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation. After the Fire
We had forgotten
the sound of thunder,
the feel of cold rain.
Our landscape¡ª
scorched by sun¡¯s
constant heat,
birthed wild fires.
Now, we sit
in ashes.
Vultures,
with singed wings,
circle overhead.
After so much loss
we refuse to be carrion,
We stand¡ª
We walk¡ª
toward a future
that only our hope
can reveal. Fragile These fragile petals reach for the sun, bend in the rain and quietly close when the sun bids good night. This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. Writing Old School I have started writing old school, in an actual notebook with a pen. There is something about the flow of ink, that is soothing. And a real notebook doesn¡¯t offer any forms of distraction. There isn¡¯t any noise either. True, my edits don¡¯t disappear but then neither does the information I wrote down. I still have a record to go over if I need to remember what my original thought was. You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story. Clouds Clouds amaze me¡­so huge, so wispy¡­.when I look at them I see faces, animals, what ever my imagination can conjure. They are the best part of being outside. They also comfort me with their beauty and their ever changing forms. I love the way they catch morning light. They can be as tall as mountains. They can be dark and full of lightning. They can race across the sky or sit for hours in the same spot. Look up, look at the clouds, what do you see? This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. My Bubba It¡¯s been a while¡­I am thankful for the childhood we shared. You were my dearest friend and my brother, my closest confidant and the one who journeyed with me in our family. I miss you. I hold the good memories close. Our imaginations created many cool and goofy adventures. We had so much fun! I know I was a bossy big sister. I remember when I convinced you that most of our toys were actually mine. That was cold. There was also the time I accused you of stealing the moon pie, when I was the one who stole it. You got in trouble and I didn¡¯t. There was the night we camped out in the back yard and our dog, Squeaky, stole and ate all our pop tarts. My favorite memories of happened in our grandpa¡¯s pasture. The times we built camp fires, searched for cow bones and arrow heads. In our imaginations we traveled through the galaxy on rusted an old car frame we called the Starship Enterprise. We were peasants fleeing aristocrats and hobbits looking for dragons. I remember your joy, the way your eyes lit up when you laughed. Also, there was that time when you put a toad in my purse¡­not funny. Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I don¡¯t miss the distance that came later¡­we parted ways in high school. As the years passed from time to time we had these conversations where the distance disappeared and we were close again. It was rare but it did happen. I am so thankful I got to have you as a brother. When I was two, Daddy and I came up to hospital to see you after you were born, I told Mama, Get Bubba and come home. There is a photo of us when you first came home. I am holding you as carefully and as seriously as I could. I was so proud of you. I will always be proud of you. Love so much!!! Together Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author. A thousand different things, I had to learn in loving you. The sacrifices made and received. The road of love is long and sometimes it breaks. Holding on or letting go is a decision that¡¯s been hard to make. I¡¯m holding on, you¡¯re holding on, scared of what comes next and what time will take. Yet once again, we greet another day together. This Simple Life Thoughts, so many travel with me as I walk in the mornings. For a long time I did not make time to be out of doors. I need the sun, the sound of the breeze, the flight of birds, dragonflies in bottle green and beautiful blue. I don¡¯t live in a beautiful place, still there is beauty to be found in the sky, in the air, in the light that dances on dirty waters. I want to see what is in my world such as it is, where I am as I am. I am not a traveler though I have gone so many places in the pages of books that I have read and stories I have written. Finding what matters here, now, without longing for mountains and vast and beautiful scenery can be difficult. I do think mountains are beautiful, but there aren¡¯t any here. There are oak trees, pines and cedars. There are tiny ferns growing between the cracks of side walks. Two frogs live just outside my back door. Sometimes they come inside and I have to catch them and put them back outside. When I hold them they aren¡¯t afraid of me. They know my voice, they know who I am. They don¡¯t struggle as I carry them to where they belong. The also don¡¯t pee on me either, which is an added bonus. I love this simple life that I have been granted. If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it. Of the Soul Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. I think sometimes on nights that sleep doesn¡¯t come and I am left with the dark hours to say my prayers and repeat my meditations that I am being taught a dance that cannot be learned in light or in the company of others. A Puppy A little miracle entered my life. I wasn¡¯t sure I was up for the challenge, and then I firmly decided I was not up for the challenge¡­but I couldn¡¯t forget that face. She was available, but I was anxious about caring for a puppy again. So, I decided to wait until after the holidays and if she was still available I might try again. There were so many reasons not to get a puppy and fewer reasons to get one. But, as I tried to close the door firmly on the idea of getting a puppy because they are so much trouble, I just couldn¡¯t get passed the joy of having a puppy. It is such a brief span of time before a puppy becomes a DOG. I thought of my dog, Bird, she was a feisty cute thing, that came during such a difficult time in my life. And my old dog Starbuck, who has health issues, she was heaven sent when my oldest child was struggling. Could this puppy be a blessing too? Would she be good for me and my other dogs? I didn¡¯t know if it would work out. Bird would be jealous and taking care of an aging dog is a job in itself, but I still couldn¡¯t get passed the joy. So, I brought her home and it is challenging but then there is the joy of a new creature learning about life and love. There is the absolute cuteness and the sweetness of tiny paws and big eyes. I am tired. It is a lot. Giving a home to an animal is a commitment to love and cherish, and it is a commitment I never take lightly. I have loved each of my dogs whether they were shelter dogs, or abandoned dogs or a puppy from a friend.If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation. Night Wind Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings. The night wind sang in my ears, soothed me with its soft, cool breath, swirled around my body and then invited me to dance. The Smallest Dragon in the Room The smaller dragon in the room. I wonder if the right question was asked. I wonder if its even about freedom of speech or if its about the money people not wanting anyone to nibble into the contents of their pie. While there are big threatening dragons in our lives, the powers that be have chosen to silence the smaller dragon, the people¡¯s dragon. My heart hurts this morning as I think of those who use TikTok for good, for financial support. I think about the indigenous people who have shared the stories of their lives and their culture. I think about creatives like me who share their creative process. The Supreme Court ruled with in an unsigned unanimous decision that "divestiture is necessary¡±. What does that even mean? The justices without signatures citing their personal ruling together decided that Congress didn¡¯t violate freedom of speech by taking action to address the threat of China gathering information through TikTok. I don¡¯t know what will happen. I do pray someday that the powers that be slay the huge dragons in our lives like the actual physical safety of children, teachers and all employees in their schools. And, the for profit shenanigans of the Medical finance culture and Big Pharma.This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.