《Bleach: Death Game》


 Chapter 1

    Ah, this sucks.


    Those were the thoughts that crossed my mind as I lay dying, blood pooling around my body. Was blood always this red? Did I always have this much of it? Ah well, guess it doesn''t matter.


    The weird part was that I didn''t feel any pain. Everything was just numb, like my body was covered in a latex glove. Was that normal? I don''t know, I''ve never died before.


    But it wasn''t as bad as I thought, I mostly just felt exhausted. My eyes grew more and more tired as the seconds passed, my eyelids felt heavier than they ever had. Guess this is it huh?


    Turning my head, my beautiful bald head, I see the reason for my death. It was some dude, a tweaker if his appearance was anything to go by. He was robbing some little girl and her mother at knife point, probably to supply his next fix, and I just had to step in.


    Naturally, I got stabbed. A couple of times in fact. Unfortunately for him, I gave as good as I got. When his knife was firmly lodged into my body, I grabbed his arm to prevent him from moving and used my other hand to grab his throat.


    And I squeezed.


    I got a pretty strong grip I''ll have you know. Crushed his windpipe easy enough. Do I feel bad for killing someone? No, not really. Should I? Maybe, but I don''t. He was threatening to kill a child afterall, so he can go fuck himself with a cactus.


    They were fine it seems. The mother, or at least who I assumed was the mother, was on the phone. Ambulance? Too late. That second stab went right in my liver. Nothing for it now.


    The little girl was looking at me with fear in her eyes. Fear and sadness. She knew, even if her mother didn''t. She knew I wasn''t going to make it. I didn''t want her last memory of me to be whatever sorry face I was making.


    So I smiled.


    Her eyes widened, but at least she didn''t look so sad now. That was good. Honestly, it wasn''t such a bad way to die. Would people see me as a hero? Or just some idiot who butt in where he shouldn''t have.


    Ah, what do I care? I''m dead. They can say whatever they want about me. Hope they never see my hard drive though. My mother''s heart couldn''t take it.


    My vision was starting to blur. Guess this is it. I get to see which religion was right, if any. So that''s something. Hope it isn''t one of those preachy ones, or the ones that go door to door and interrupt a perfectly good afternoon nap.


    As my eyes closed for the final time I was able to make out one last thing. One final visage that made my heroic sacrifice worth it. That little girl, whose name I would never know, was smiling back at me. It was nice. Hope she has a long, happy life filled with plenty of reasons to make that face.


    Those were my final thoughts before the darkness took me.


    Ushio Tenma died at 7:45 P.M on March 24.


    Ushio Tenma woke up at 7:45 A.M on March 25.


    ***Line Break***


    An alarm clock sounded off inside a small bedroom. It was the sound that heralded a new day and eliminated the past. It was the doom of many a deep and restful sleep. There was also another thing it was¡­


    Loud!


    Grumbling, I clumsily reached for the annoying sound that had roused me from my slumber. I could feel it, that blocky shape, but for the life of me I couldn''t find the off switch. Maybe because it was a button? Who knows.


    Left with no other alternative, I opened my eyes. Everything was blurry, but slowly, through much blinking, the world came into focus. And that''s when I found it, the culprit responsible for waking me at this completely normal hour.


    Finally hitting the off button, and not the snooze button cause the snooze button is for pussies, I silenced my foe for another day. Tomorrow would signal another battle, but I would be ready for it.


    Probably¡­


    Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I happily stretched my body. The small little aches and pains from a shitty bed leaving me. Wait a minute, shitty bed? I don''t have a shitty bed.


    Looking down at my sleeping apparatus, I found that yes, I have a shitty bed. It was a sad, worn down thing that wouldn''t look out of place in a budget porno flick. And was that a spring poking out? Why was I sleeping on this thing?


    No answer came to me. Looking around the room, it was a familiar derelict building that was completely unfamiliar to me. What was going on? It was like trying to remember a night you spent drinking enough to kill your liver.


    Well I wouldn''t figure anything out just lazing about in bed. Standing up, I headed for the bathroom, knowing exactly where it was even though I don''t remember ever using it before.


    All this thinking is giving me a migraine. I''m sure the reason will make itself clear when I''m either drunk or taking an extra long shower. You know, to wash my hair¡­ That I don''t have.


    Shut up. My business is my business.


    Entering the bathroom, which was just as bad as I didn''t remember, I could finally relieve myself. Good, cause I was about to burst. Grabbing my mighty greatsword, I unleashed a fierce golden attack upon the unsuspecting toilet. Cue victory anthem.


    Flushing, I made my way to the sink. After washing my hands I looked at myself in the mirror. Green eyes, handsome, and fantastically bald. Same old, same old. But that''s when I made a few new discoveries. Some of them startling.


    One, I was naked. Not surprising, that''s how I usually sleep. Unless I was at a friend''s house and only if that friend wasn''t of the female variety. If she was, then chances are I was very naked. Or at least wanted to be.


    Two, there was a floating box above my head with my name on it. That one threw me for a loop. I don''t remember signing up for whatever that was. Or did I? I never read those terms of service pages. Was this Apple''s doing? Am I going to end up as a HumancentiPad?


    And three, there were a couple of scars on my torso. Right in the places I was stabbed to death. Oh right¡­ I died. Weird how you can forget some things, am I right? You''d think I could remember my death at least, but no.


    Ok, deep breaths Ushio, deep breaths. It''s fine, you just died is all. You got better, no need to panic. Ah who am I kidding? If there was ever a more appropriate time to panic, I''d sure like to know. Cause I can''t think of one.


    After what felt like eternity I was finally able to calm myself. Normally, I would need a hit of that good stuff to feel this calm, but I suppose finding out you''re alive after dying does the trick as well.


    So what happened. Think! You were stabbed multiple times. I remember that part vividly. There was so much red. That kid and her mother. Were they alright? They should be, I ripped that guy''s throat out. I mean, not literally, it was still in his body, just not functioning properly anymore.


    I remember slowly bleeding out, my eyes drooping, and getting a nice smile right before I died. Then there was nothing, guess every religion got it wrong. Not sure if that makes me happy or not, because there was fuck all nothing after death. Or do I not remember? That was certainly a possibility. Let''s go with that. Lessens the existential dread I was feeling.


    After that, the next thing I remember was that alarm clock and waking up here. So am I dead? Is this the afterlife? Cause if it is, talk about a ripoff!


    Taking another deep breath, and closing my eyes, I tried to center myself. I have no idea how to meditate, never tried it before, but right now, it sounds like a pretty good idea.


    Breathe, in and out, in and out. Breathe until there is nothing of you left. Let the world melt away into nothingness and become one with the universe. Just breathe. In and out, in and out.


    It seemed to be working. I could slowly feel my consciousness leaving me. I was becoming nothing and everything. The alpha and the omega. The first and the last. I am-


    *Ding*


    ¡­The fuck was that?


    Opening my eyes, I was greeted to another strange sight. There was a second floating, shimmering box. Not over my head this time, but right in front of my eyes. Close enough that I could easily read the text.


    You have unlocked the Skill Meditation.


    Excuse me? Meditation? What the fuck does that mean? The translucent box shifted, and new text appeared.


    Meditation1/100


    By controlling your breathing and slowing your heart, you enter a state of calm, allowing you to increase Stamina, Health, and ? regeneration.


    -Current regeneration rate: 3%


    -Increases passive regeneration of Stamina, Health and ? by 0.2%


    "Guess that''s a thing. Am I sure I''m not dead? I thought I was but now¡­" I trailed off. What exactly is going on? Am I hallucinating? Am I in a secret lab?


    Congratulations! By discovering your first Skill, you have unlocked the System. Welcome to your new life as the newest Gamer. If you are completely overwhelmed and have no idea what''s going on, please say Tutorial. If you''re the type who throws caution to the wind, by all means, fuck off and die.


    I think I''ve read about this. Yep, I definitely have. There are tons of manga where the hero gets summoned to another world with game characteristics. It''s usually a fantasy type world though, and this one looks fairly modern.


    Ah what the hell. What''s the worst that could happen? "Alright then box, I''ll play your little game. Show me the money!"


    Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. If there were any crickets they would have surely stopped chirping.


    You have chosen to fuck off and die.


    "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I take it back! Tutorial, Tutorial!"


    Beginning Tutorial. Hello new player and welcome to your exciting new life as entertainment for a higher power. To ensure you don''t die too quickly you have been entrusted with a great and terrible power. I don''t think you''re worth it, but who am I to judge?


    Ok this thing was just making fun of me. And a higher power? What higher power? And why was he chosen?


    To begin, please say Quest. This will open the quest screen where you can view the status of all active Quests.


    Alright, easy enough, "Quest."


    The screen in front of him shifted once more. In big, bold letters was the word Quest, and underneath was a list of Quests. There was only one currently.


    Please select the only Quest you have for more information. I believe in you.


    Pressing it like a touchpad, another screen popped up, smaller and a lighter shade of blue than the rest.


    -Quest-


    Complete the Tutorial


    You have just discovered an amazing power! Follow along with the prompts and discover how to utilize the basics of your new System.


    Reward


    -1 Upgrade Token


    -100 Exp


    Failure


    -If you fail this you deserve to die


    Just going to ignore that second part, but what''s with that reward? What''s an Upgrade Token? Only one way to find out I guess.


    Good job! You''re amazing! I am rendered speechless by your ability to follow basic instructions! Next, let''s take a look at your Stats. I''m sure they''ll reflect how utterly magnificent you are. Just exit out of this screen by hitting the X or saying close and we can be on our way.


    Could this thing be any more sarcastic? And did it have to sound like Claptrap? I''m I really stuck with it? Am I being punished for something? Because if that''s the case, then I probably deserve it. Closing the screen and saying Stats brought up another screen.


    Stats


    Level: 1 (0/100)


    Health: 330/330


    Stamina: 140/140


    ?: ?/?


    Strength: 60


    Agility: 15


    Vitality: 20


    Intelligence: 10


    Wisdom: 18


    ?:


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    I always knew I was strong, but it felt good to see it displayed numerically. Not sure if it was any good having nothing to compare it to, but it made me feel good, and that''s what was important.


    I will now provide you with a description of what your Stats mean. Try and keep up.


    Stupid, cocky, jerk. Just because my Intelligence is on the low side doesn''t mean I''m stupid. Probably. Still no idea if those numbers are good or not. For all I know they could be out of 1000.


    That would suck.


    Level: This is your current level. Levels require Experience points to increase. Experience points are obtained through various means, such as defeating enemies and completing Quests. To reach level 2, you need 100 Exp.


    How convenient I would earn exactly that much Exp for completing the Tutorial. Ten out of ten game design. Would recommend.


    Health: This is how much punishment you can take before dying and ridding me of your existence. In other words, if it reaches 0, you die! Health is determined by your Vitality Stat, Strength Stat, and Level.


    Health equals


    (Vitality x 10) + (Strength x 2) + (Level x 10)


    Stamina: Measures how long you can perform an activity without keeling over or sounding like an asthmatic chain smoker. Stamina is determined by your Vitality Stat, Agility Stat, and Level.


    Stamina equals


    (Vitality x 5) + (Agility x 2) + (Level x 10)


    ?: This is the amount of ? you have. It allows you to perform ? and grants you various other abilities, such as increasing your Strength or Speed. ? is determined by your ? Stat, Strength Stat, Agility Stat, Vitality Stat and Level.


    ? equals


    (? x 10) + (Strength x 2) + (Agility x 2) + (Vitality x 2) + (Level x 10)


    And we have ourselves a mystery stat folks. Judging by the text it has to be a magic power of some kind. Probably determined by whatever world I''m in. Wonder why it''s hidden? Shits and giggles?


    Strength: Do you even lift bro? Strength determines how hard you hit, whether by your own hands or with an instrument of violence. It also determines how heavy the dumbbells you lift are, and helps increase Speed. The maximum a regular human can achieve is 99.


    Agility: Do you want to be the fastest man alive? Then this is the stat for you! Agility determines Speed as well as coordination. If you happen to be a clumsy dumbass, just increase your Agility. The maximum a regular human can achieve is 99.


    Vitality: Can you go all night long? If not, then you''re a pussy and need more Stamina, which is exactly what this Stat provides. It will also keep you from dying too fast by increasing your Health. Other benefits include poison resistance, disease resistance, and a great dental plan. The maximum a regular human can achieve is 99.


    The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.


    Intelligence: Are you smarter than a fifth grader? I doubt it so you''d better invest heavily into this stat. Stupid people die quicker, in case you didn''t know. More Intelligence means you can learn things faster and improve your memory. The maximum a regular human can achieve is 99.


    Wisdom: Do you have any common sense? Any at all? No? Well this Stat may be just what the doctor ordered. Wisdom is the instincts Stat, and allows you to utilize your knowledge to the fullest. Increases perception, intuition and more, put your experience to work today. The maximum a regular human can achieve is 99.


    Charisma: So you think you hot shit huh? Well you might be. Objectifying you on a scale of one to ten, this Stat boosts all leadership and bedroom skills. Without a high Charisma, kiss your chances of love and respect goodbye.


    ?: ? ? ? ? ?


    Increasing Stats: Stats may be increased through a variety of methods. Leveling up will give you two free Stat points to spend, working out will increase your physical stats, studying will increase Intelligence, not making stupid decisions will increase your Wisdom, and there is no way to Increase Charisma through normal means. You''ll need perks for that.


    Well at least these are fairly self explanatory, cause the in game explanations kind of suck. I suppose I''ll just have to get a better feel for them as I level up and gain Skills. Really curious about that last one though. Wonder what secrets it holds.


    But at least now I know how my own stats measure up. I''m actually getting fired up thinking about how to increase them. Running, lifting, reading, those should be good places to start. Just need to figure out the best methods.


    What are Perks? Are they like Feats in D&D?


    For the most part that is correct. I was going to go over Skills next but what the hell, this seems like a good enough segue. So without further ado, let''s look at the Perks tab. You know what to do.


    That I did. With but a simple command the screen once more shifted. It now said Perks in nice bright letters. Oh, looks like I have some. Nice.


    Perks are special abilities and bonuses that can be purchased by using Perk Points. One Perk Point is given every 5 levels, but you can get more by completing Quests and Special Events. Let''s take a look and see what Perks you currently have.


    Guardian


    You have given your life in defense of another. Whenever you act to protect someone other than yourself all combat related skills gain a 10% increase in power and effectiveness.


    Bald is Beautiful


    You''re sexy and you know it. Even women who aren''t into bald guys are into you. +1 Charisma while bald.


    Well Equipped


    You are the big dick in the locker room. You know it, they know it, everyone knows it. Gain access to Big Dick Energy.


    I can certainly see the use of Guardian. Ten percent may not seem like much, but in the future when my Stats are higher, it should prove to be useful. Especially if I can stack it with other passives. That''s the dream.


    The second one, Bald is Beautiful, seems like it increases my dating pool more than anything. Women being attracted to me when they normally wouldn''t be is great. And since I''m always bald, my charisma should get a permanent +1, so that''s nice.


    Not to toot my own horn, but I can confirm that I am, indeed, Well Equipped. Though I''m not sure what Big Dick Energy actually is past all the memes. Is it an actual energy source, or is it just flavor text meant to fuck with me?


    Big Dick Energy is the most powerful source of energy in the multiverse. Even I am unable to quantify it in a numerical value. Be grateful you are one of the blessed few to receive such grace, and leave it at that.


    Ok, ok! Geeze, touchy much? It was just a question, no need to bite my head off. I''ll just use some extra shower time and figure it out by myself.


    You do that. Moving right along, let''s check out your Skills/Abilities. Come on, don''t be shy. I''m sure there''s nothing to be embarrassed about.


    Rolling my eyes I did as instructed. When looking at the new screen however, I noticed a distinct lack of anything besides Meditation. So I don''t have any Skills or Abilities, is that what you''re trying to tell me?


    Well that''s just sad, but don''t worry, I''ll throw you a bone and unlock a couple. It should make explaining easier anyway.


    The screen glowed slightly before words appeared. Running, Sprint, Observe, Scan. So those are my current Skills huh? Oh, and Meditation from earlier.


    Skills and Abilities are similar and often linked together. Skills tend to be passive in nature, giving you a boost whenever you use the Skill. Abilities however are Active and require you to activate them to use. Let''s take a look shall we. Select the Running Skill.


    Running15/100


    Faster than a walk but slower than a sprint, it''s the happy medium of getting your ass in gear. Running requires Stamina to use. The greater the user''s Agility, the greater the user''s run speed.


    -Increases speed while running by 30%


    -Reduces fatigue while running by 7.5%


    I guess my current level would have to be a result of my previous life. Or it could be because of this body''s previous owner, who may or may not have been my multiversal counterpart. Best not to think of it. Option 1 made me feel less feelings.


    As you can see, Skills have levels. The higher the level, the more effective the Skill. Using Running as the example, each level increases your running speed by 2% while decreasing your fatigue while running by 0.5%. At max level your running speed will increase by 200%, and your fatigue while running will decrease by 50%.


    Skills can be leveled up by using them, as well as rewards for completing Quests. Some single use items may also increase a Skills level. Let''s check your Ability Sprint next.


    Sprint(Rank *)


    The fastest form of basic movement.


    -Doubles the bonus to speed you get from the Skill: Running.


    -Triples fatigue accumulation. Reduced by Skill: Running.


    Can you see the difference? I realize this may be difficult considering your IQ, so I''ll go slow. When Sprint is activated your speed while running will increase by 60% rather than the 30% you get from running alone. Your Stamina will also drain 3x faster, being reduced by your Running Skill (7.5%). Got it?


    Yeah, yeah I get it. No need to be such an ass System. Seems pretty basic to me, but what does Rank mean? I can guess, but it''s your job to explain System.


    I''m surprised you actually noticed. All abilities have a Rank, maximum of 5, and each rank improves the Ability. For example at Rank **, Sprint will increase to 3x your bonus from Running, and 4x at Rank ***. Ranks can be improved by meeting special conditions, through Quests, or special items.


    Interesting. Maxing that out will turn me into the Flash. As long as it isn''t the Ezra Miller version, I''m ok with that. Increasing the Running Skill seems like the best move for increasing my speed for now.


    Might as well check out my other Skill and Ability while I''m here, and before the System decides to move on.


    Observe(1/100)


    By watching people you gain a basic idea of their mindset and character, allowing you to read their intentions and react to their movements. Speed of Observation is determined by your Wisdom Stat. Use this Skill incorrectly and you may be confused for a creep. But we all know that''s not true, right?


    -Observation speed increases by 3%


    -Increases reaction time against observed enemies by 1%


    -Increases Scan speed by 0.5%


    Scan(Rank *)


    Deep dive into someone''s personal information. Is nothing sacred to you? Can also scan items.


    Information you can obtain includes:


    -Level


    -Stamina


    -Hp


    -Description of the person or thing being scanned


    So if I level Observe enough I can become a Jedi? Sweet. Being able to predict my enemies movements is awesome. Scan isn''t too useful at the moment, but just knowing someone''s level compared to my own could save my life. Wonder what else I''ll be able to see once I''ve Ranked it up?


    Don''t slow down, we''re almost done. Let''s take a look at your Inventory next. Currently you have 30 Inventory Slots, and each Slot can hold 99 of the same item regardless of size or weight. Isn''t that convenient? However, it can only hold 1 of any unique item.


    Well let''s test this shall we. Since I have yet to leave the bathroom, I''ll just use a toilet paper roll. Grabbing the clearly cheap butthole cleaner, I shoved it into the Inventory Screen. Which worked, thankfully. An icon of the toilet paper appeared in one of the slots.


    Touching it brought up another screen with a full view of said toilet paper, along with a description. Placing my hand on the screen allowed me to reach in and grab it out. Which felt weird, but I have successfully used my Inventory.


    Staring at the toilet paper in my hand, I decided to Scan it.


    Scanning¡­


    10 seconds.


    9¡­


    8¡­


    7¡­


    6¡­


    5¡­


    4¡­


    3¡­


    2¡­


    1¡­


    Scan Complete.


    Cheap toilet paper (Common)


    The cheapest, thinnest toilet paper a person can buy. Will not clean what you want it to clean.


    -Remaining toilet paper 82%


    -Durability 1/1


    Note to self, get better toilet paper. Also I checked the Observe Skill and saw that I was 3% closer to the next level. So Scan levels up Observe, good to know.


    "Alright System, what''s with the Common by the name? Item rank or something?"


    That''s not inaccurate. Items have Grades attached to them ranging from, Common, Uncommon, Rare, Epic, Legendary, Mythic, and Dvine. Items above Common have special properties attached to them. An item''s grade can be improved by various means depending on the item.


    Hmm, so to improve a sword for example, I should find a blacksmith. To improve my shitty house, I need a carpenter. I assume something similar with its Durability. Of course, Quests and certain Items would probably work as well, just like with Skills and Abilities.


    Well aren''t you clever. That''s correct. Certain people may also provide special bonuses you can''t get anywhere else, so don''t be a shut-in.


    Next is¡­ That''s it for now. The remaining functions are locked until certain conditions are met. Congratulations, you have finished the Tutorial.


    -Quest-


    Complete the Tutorial


    Rewards


    -100 Exp


    -1 Upgrade Token


    Congratulations!


    You have gained a Level!


    +2 Stat Points.


    +10 Health


    +10 Stamina


    +10 ?


    New Quest Available!


    Where in the World am I?


    You have awoken in a strange new world. Find out where you are!


    Landmarks discovered 0/7


    Rewards


    -150 Exp


    -Map feature unlocked


    -1000 Yen


    Failure


    -Map feature permanently locked


    Time Limit: 7 days


    Nice! A level and a new Quest. It seems easy enough, and it will answer that burning, nagging feeling I''ve had for a while now. Not in my crotch thankfully, just in my brain.


    The Quest I got last time was accepted automatically, unless screaming for the tutorial counted, so I had to accept this one manually. By using my brain, I thought to accept the Quest and it worked. I''m glad the System has touch screen capability, but no one else can see what I''m doing, so it''s probably a good thing I can think commands so people don''t think I''m crazy.


    With that done, let''s check out my Stats


    Stats


    Level: 2 (0/250)


    Health: 340/340


    Stamina: 150/150


    ?: ?/?


    Strength: 60


    Agility: 15


    Vitality: 20


    Intelligence: 10


    Wisdom: 18


    ?:


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 2


    I know Intelligence is my lowest Stat, but that should make it the easiest to level right? I''m going to assume yes. So I think I''ll put these bad boys into Wisdom, even it out to 20. My OCD brain can''t handle that 18. Needs to end in 5 or 0.


    Stats


    Level: 2 (0/250)


    Health: 340/340


    Stamina: 150/150


    ?: ?/?


    Strength: 60


    Agility: 15


    Vitality: 20


    Intelligence: 10


    Wisdom: 20


    ?:


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    Alright done. I don''t feel any different, but the number went up, so I''ll make another assumption and just assume I''m wiser. And due to my new found Wisdom, I deduced it was time to leave the bathroom and explore the world.


    But then my stomach decided to let me know I have yet to eat. Wonder what kinds of food, if any, I have in my kitchen. Looking around my ramshackle studio apartment made me realize something. I live in a shithole.


    That is unacceptable. I need money. Having a Gamer System should make that easy right? I just need to use my big boy brain and figure it out. Maybe I should have increased my Intelligence.


    Heading to the kitchen I start checking for food. I also use my Scan Ability on everything I can.


    Fridge(Common)


    A small, white fridge that has seen better days.


    -Durability 2/8


    -Upgrade available


    Chef Knife(Common)


    A dull knife used to chop food.


    -Durability 4/10


    -Upgrade available


    Dishwasher(Common)


    A machine to wash dishes. Broken.


    -Durability 0/8


    -Upgrade available


    Milk(Common)


    Breast milk from a cow. Spoiled.


    -Durability 0/1


    Cup Ramen(Common)


    Cheap ramen with little nutrition


    -Durability 1/1


    Microwave(Common)


    A machine used to quickly heat up food. Works sometimes.


    -Durability 2/8


    -Upgrade available


    God this place sucks. Everything is either broken or damn near. Is this game on hard mode? I don''t play games on hard mode. Call me a pussy if you want I play games for fun not torture. Why get mad at something that was supposed to relax me?


    Preparing the cup ramen, because that''s the only edible thing I found in this place, I went over to my back breaking bed and Scanned it. I mean, why not, level this shit up.


    Cheap Bed(Common)


    A broken down, full size bed. Will not provide a good night''s rest. May cause back problems if used consecutively.


    -Durability 1/10


    -Upgrade available


    Shit that sucks. No wonder I feel so sluggish. I thought it was just because I was transmigrated into another universe, but nope, it was from sleeping in a shitty bed.


    Hang on, upgrade available? Some of the other items I scanned said the same thing. What does that mean? It took me a moment to remember the token I received from the Quest. Might as well check it out, I still had some time before my ramen was ready anyway.


    Clicking on the icon in my Inventory, a zoomed in image appeared. The token looked like something from an arcade, gold and shiny, with an embellished U. Now let''s check the description.


    Upgrade Token(Rare)


    A token used to upgrade an item. Can be used on most items Epic Grade or lower. Cannot be used on most foods. If an item cannot be upgraded, may give a random benefit or restore Durability. To use token, hold it aloft and say what you want to upgrade. If the item can be upgraded, a confirmation screen will appear.


    Not sure what it means by upgrade, but I guess there''s only one way to find out. Now what should I use it on? I have a few things in this shitty apartment that could use a good upgrade.


    I shifted a bit while thinking and a spring busted and jabbed me in the ass.


    "Ah fuck!"


    That''s it. I''m not spending a single night sleeping on this thing. How my counterpart could is a mystery I don''t care to find out. Maybe he was just tougher than me, I don''t care. I want a nice bed.


    Taking the token out of my inventory and holding it high, I speak the magic words, "Oh blessed token, hear my prayer. Please make my bed not suck. Upgrade: Cheap Bed!"


    I''m not sure I needed all those words, but I really want a new bed. It must have worked because a new screen appeared.


    Confirmation


    Would you like to Upgrade the Item Cheap Bed?


    Yes/No


    "Yes, yes, a million times yes!" I shout while pressing yes. I waited a moment with baited breath before my bed started glowing. This is it! Goodbye back pain you son of a bitch. Tell your mother she''s a whore!


    After a few moments, the glowing died down. Where my garbage bed once resided as a¡­ very normal looking bed. May have gotten my hopes up. Oh well, it looks better than it did before, so let''s check it out. Scan.


    Bed(Uncommon)


    A comfortable, queen size bed. Sleeping in this will fully restore Stamina and ?.


    -Durability 12/12


    Worth it. I made the right choice. Not only is it bigger than before, but its Grade increased and it will now restore my Stamina and whatever the hell ? is. It would have been worth it just for a good night''s sleep.


    Laying down on my new bed, I sighed in content. This was nice. The apartment didn''t seem quite so shitty anymore. And now it''s time to eat!


    My first meal in a new world, and it was cup ramen. Oh well, it could be worse I guess. I could be a little magic girl in WW1. That would suck.


    Finishing my ramen I rubbed my now full belly in contentment. Now that that''s done it''s time to plan. I only have seven days to complete my current Quest, which, depending on where I''m at, could be hard or easy.


    Fingers crossed for easy.


    Next is my Skills and Abilities. Leveling up Running should be fairly simple, since I need to find a bunch of landmarks, I can run around the city to find them. Two birds and one stone. After completing my Quest I can focus on finding new Skill/Abilities when there isn''t a time crunch.


    I''ll need to make sure to Meditate a bit each day as well. The regeneration I get from meditating will be useful for training, and that passive regeneration it gives me will be good in the future, as it should max out at 200%.


    Next is my Stats. Agility and Vitality should be simple enough for now, all the running should take care of that. For Strength I may need to find a gym, a cheap gym, or scavenge for some weights. I''ll probably go with the second option for now as I clearly have no money.


    For Intelligence I''ll need to,sigh, read. Now don''t get me wrong, I love a good story. Fiction is the way to go. But this is going to be like studying, and I hate studying. Maybe I can find something that isn''t dry and boring like science or history. I''ll figure it out when I find a library or something.


    But for now I had a Quest to complete, and that required going outside, and that required clothes. I was still buck ass naked after all and I refused to get arrested again. And thus my search for clothes began.


    It didn''t take long. I found some torn jeans and a worn out, white shirt. A dirty hoody was crumpled in the corner, and my shoes were on the dresser for some reason. What the hell was wrong with other me? Judging by the state of the clothes, I would need a new outfit pronto.


    I scanned them to be sure. And for the Exp to Observe of course. The Scan confirmed it, they were as close to being rags as they could be.


    Checking my jeans, I found a wallet in the back pocket. Must be mine. Opening it revealed that, indeed, it belonged to me. Ushio Tenma, that was my name. Height 6''2, weight 235 lbs, eye color green, hair color N/A, age 16¡­


    Wait a damn minute, age 16!? I was 18 last I checked. That would explain the loss in height as well. I was 6''4 last I checked. Guess I still had some time to grow.


    Wait, does that mean I have to go back to school? I don''t want to go back to school, I just graduated damn it! Come to think of it, what day is it? Do I have a phone? That would be real handy right about now.


    After searching it turns out that no, I did not have a phone. That sucks. Another thing to add to the list. I did find a calendar though. The date April 1st was circled. That was when school started, but that doesn''t help me very much. I don''t know if that was in the future or the past.


    Maybe my System has a calendar? Or at least it can tell me the date. After searching through every page I could it turns out that no, it cannot. That sucks. It can do all this reality bending things but the date is too much? Really?


    Time and date are linked to the Map function. So I suggest you get started on that, unless you want to deal with a truancy officer.


    That is something I did not want. Knowing that did calm me down a bit. Thinking about the Quest, I had seven days to complete it right? So does that mean school starts in seven days? So today would be the 25th of March.


    No confirmation. Asshole System. I''m probably overthinking it anyway, I can just ask someone on the street. Yeah that''s what I''ll do, no need to panic. Oh wait, I still have to go to school, there was plenty to panic about.


    Does this mean I''m in some slice of life anime? Will I shout "Persona!?" Will I get a hundred girlfriends that really, really love me? I hope not, that sounds like a pain in the ass.


    Well only one way to find out. Opening the front door, I take my first step into another world. My second life begins now.


    Game start

 Chapter 2

    -Quest Updated-


    Where in the World am I?


    You have awoken in a strange new world. Find out where you are!


    Landmarks discovered 3/7


    Inose River


    Train Station


    Shopping District


    Rewards


    -150 Exp


    -Map feature unlocked


    -1000 Yen


    Failure


    -Map feature permanently locked


    Time Limit: 5 days


    "Awesome," I muttered, hands on my knees and gasping for breath. And here I thought my Stamina was pretty good. How naive I was. If the last two days have taught me anything, it''s that I know nothing.


    And let me tell you, that was a kick in the crotch. But that''s why I was pushing myself. Using Running and Sprint as much as I could did yield me some decent results. Running has increased by two, which doesn''t sound like much, because it wasn''t, but I''d take what I could get.


    I managed to get a Level in Meditation as well. I wasn''t focusing too hard on that, maybe an hour a day, so I was happy with a single Level.


    Oh, and Observe has gone up a few Levels as well. There were a few close calls as I was Scanning people, but I played it real cool. Acted like I was daydreaming. Pretty sure they bought it.


    More importantly was the Stat increases. That''s what made my pain and suffering worth it. My Agility had increased by a whopping 3, and my Vitality went up by 2. Again, not much, but all I was doing was running and trying not to terrorize the village folk.


    I was only half successful. I hope that old lady forgives me.


    Anyway¡­


    Stats


    Level: 2 (0/200)


    Health: 360/360


    Stamina: 1/166


    ?: ?/?


    Strength: 60


    Agility: 18


    Vitality: 22


    Intelligence: 10


    Wisdom: 20


    ?: ?


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    Seeing those go up was becoming my new addiction. I tried some strength training exercises. Bodyweight ones, cause you know, I have no equipment. But so far, nothing. It was only pushups and pullups, and it''s only been a couple days, so maybe it''ll go up before shit hits the fan.


    Because it always does. Sooner or later, that nasty bitch is covered in feces.


    With the stitch in my side finally dissipating, meaning my Stamina wasn''t at 0, I took a look at my current surroundings. After running around like a mad man for two days, I was able to find three of the landmarks I needed. Still didn''t know where I ended up, but at least it was something.


    Oh, and I also confirmed I had a week before the school year begins. Yay¡­


    Finding the river was easy, and that came with a fishing spot, so that was cool. I''d have to check it out once I got some fishing gear. Fish wasn''t my favorite food in the world, but I wouldn''t turn it down.


    Next was the Train Station. It was cool, I guess. Nothing really special about it. But I now knew where to go if I ever needed to skip town, so that was a plus.


    And finally was my current location, the Shopping District. Let me tell you, it smelt awesome. A few restaurants lined the sides, all serving different specialties, like sushi, or BBQ. There was a small grocery store as well, and a few other random shops scattered about.


    It was nice, but I didn''t recognize it. I wasn''t in Inaba, so no Persona for me. With how many hours I put into Persona 4 Golden, I could recognize that shopping district like the back of my hand.


    That also ruled out a Naoto romance, so that was rather depressing. Oh well, hopefully this world had some hot babes in it as well. I saw a few cute girls, but none that I saw myself dating. We''ll just have to wait and see.


    Oh, I did discover a few new Skills as well. Like Cooking and Cleaning. Cooking was pretty great, and I couldn''t wait to cause some kind of foodgasm. That was the dream. Cleaning just made it quicker and easier to clean. Nothing special, but nice to have.


    Cooking (3/100)


    The ability to cook food without poisoning


    yourself or more importantly, someone else.


    -Increases taste of food by 6%


    -Reduces cook time by 1.5%


    -Increases Food Buffs by 3%


    Cleaning (2/100)


    The ability to clean up your own messes, like a big boy.


    -Increases effectiveness by 2%


    -Reduces the time it takes to clean by 1%


    Yeah, it was going to take a while to level them up, but I could definitely see the utility of them in later levels. Life wasn''t all about fighting and killing, after all. But right now, they were pretty meh.


    But then my stomach made a noise that sounded like it belonged in the woods. Like a wolf getting ready to pounce. Yep, I am definitely hungry, But checking my inventory¡­


    Just like I thought, no money. I had some, but like a doof, I spent it all on squirtable cheese. I¡­ don''t know why.


    I felt cheated by it too, after I went and put my Stat Points into Wisdom, I do something stupid like that. Maybe the game was glitched and needed a patch.


    There is nothing wrong with me. You are simply a simpleton.


    I feel so loved. Regardless, I couldn''t afford anything here, but at least I had disgusting cheese and cheap ramen. It was like college, but with less vomiting.


    Or so I hear. I have never snuck into a college frat party, scout''s honor.


    Guess I better head on back to my crappy little apartment. At least the bed was nice, and the company was fantastic. Me, myself and I. Swell guys.


    I''m not lonely, you''re lonely. Shut up.


    Turning around I start to make my way back, when a sudden cry halted me.


    "What do you creeps want? Hey! Get away from me!"


    Oh?


    What ho?


    A foe?


    -New Quest-


    Damsel in Distress!


    You hear a cry from a girl in distress. It''s time to nut up or shut up.


    Do you have what it takes to save her?


    Reward


    -100 Exp


    -500 Yen


    -Unlock Relationships


    Failure


    -Knowing you let a little girl get mugged or worse


    Accept?


    Y/N


    No need to lay on the guilt trip game, I wasn''t planning on ignoring it anyway. Even if I have about 5 Stamina left, and died the last time I stuck my neck out for someone.


    I''m sure I''ll be fine this time. Hitting the yes button, I quickly made my way toward the cry. It led me to any alley, how cliche.


    At the end of the alley was a girl, around 10 or 11, with short black hair and a thin frame. She was wearing what looked to be a soccer uniform, so she must have been heading home from practice.


    She was surrounded by two men blocking her escape. They were wearing¡­ ah who cares. Couple of two-bit thugs weren''t worth describing. Besides, those outfits were about to be covered in blood anyway.


    "Quite your damn whining you brat. Just give us what we want, and we won''t mess up that face of yours."


    "I already told you I don''t have any money you stupid jerk!"


    "Oh stupid am I? We''ll see who''s stupid when we''re through with you."


    The two goons advanced on the little girl, cracking their knuckles as they did so. She backed up as far as she could go, which wasn''t very far. They were just a few feet from her, when a sound stopped them in their tracks.


    It was clapping, slow and sarcastic.


    Turning around to see what the interruption was, they saw a tall, bald man in a dirty hoodie, torn up jeans, and sneakers. They turned to face each other, before looking back at me.


    "Fuck off pretty boy! Unless you want to be as ugly as my pal here."


    "Hey, fuck you Koji!"


    I rolled my eyes at the "witty" banter. The girl was looking at me with hope in her eyes, and I would be damned if I let her down. It was time to teach these punks some manners, the way their daddy should have. With an ass whoopin''.


    "Yeah I don''t think so. You see, I like to do at least one good deed a day, and putting two lowlifes such as yourselves on the ground seems like a good way to do just that."


    They seemed confused by my statement, though I couldn''t figure out why. I didn''t use any big words or anything. Or was it because they couldn''t fathom someone doing a good deed? That was probably it.


    But the two of them seemed to realize they''d been challenged. "Fine, if you want to die that badly, we''ll make it happen."


    They approached me slowly, one on my left side and one on my right. Like that would help them. I took that moment to Scan them. The results¡­


    Name: Koji Tsuma


    Age: 17


    Level: 1


    Hp: 125/125


    Stamina: 86/86


    Description: Koji is a low level thug in the Tiger Claw gang. He is petty and mean spirited, only targeting those weaker than himself unless he has back up.


    So he''s one of those types is he? Well I definitely can''t lose to him. Next!


    Name: Tai Shimura


    Age: 19


    Level: 2


    Hp: 158/158


    Stamina: 93/93


    Description: Tai is a low level thug in the Tiger Claw gang. He hates to bathe and doesn''t understand why girls reject him. He only targets those weaker than himself unless he has back up.


    I think I can already smell him. Damn, not sure I want to get close enough to fight this guy.


    They crept closer and I waited with my arms crossed, looking bored out of mind, knowing it would piss them off.


    And I was right. Koji, the one on the left, my left, snarled at my nonchalant attitude and swung at me with a right hook. Now, I could have dodged and countered easily enough, but I had to conserve my Stamina. I was running on fumes.


    So instead, I raised my left arm, and blocked it with my elbow. The result..


    "Ahh, fuck! My hand!"


    Yeah, his fingers all bend in different directions now. For his sake, I hope that wasn''t his wanking hand.


    "You bastard!" yelled Tai. Like his friend, he wound up a massive fight hook, slow and overtly telegraphed. But I didn''t want to use the same trick twice in one fight. Where''s the fun in that?


    So instead, as he tried to step in and swing, I used my foot and placed it on his thighs, halting his momentum, leaning back to avoid the punch. The whole thing seemed to puzzle him. The punch to his face, however, brought forth some clarity.


    "Ah fuck my nose! I think you broke my nose!"


    Looking at the box above their heads, which thankfully contained their Health and Stamina after scanning them, I could see they took significant damage.


    Koji Tsuma (Lvl: 1)


    Health: 65/125


    Stamina: 70/86


    Tai Shura (Lvl: 2)


    Hp: 109/158


    Stamina: 85/93


    Nice, this wouldn''t take long. Seeing as Koji was clearly the weak link, I targeted him first. He tried to take a swipe at me as I neared, but with one arm crippled and him being clearly distracted by the pain, it was simple to avoid and enter his no longer safe space.


    Koji was a good several inches shorter than me, so it was all too easy to deliver an elbow to the temple. His Hp dropped like a rock, and sank to the bottom. He was out cold.


    Tai didn''t seem to like that and came at me again, only this time it was with a low tackle. Which was just silly. I raised my knee and crunched his nose again, and he crumpled to the ground. He wasn''t out just yet, but a little head stomp took care of that.


    All that for only 3 Stamina. Not bad, not bad at all. Feels good, owning the weak and pathetic.


    ¡­That came out wrong. I meant the-oh you know what I meant!


    Straightening up my hoodie, I approached the girl with a dazzling smile. Or maybe it was a devilish one, I always get the two mixed up.


    Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel.


    "Hey, are you alri-"


    "Look out!"


    Surprised by her sudden shout, I turned around to see what made her shout, only to grunt in pain as a familiar sensation sprung from my side. The last time I felt this was when I died. Looking down, I could see that yes, I had been stabbed.


    You have been stabbed!


    -30 Hp


    You have been inflicted with the Status Ailment: Bleeding


    Bleeding


    Hp is reduced by 1 every 10 seconds. Hp will continued to


    reduce until Bleeding time runs out


    Time remaining: 3:00 minutes


    Gee, thanks game, I hadn''t figured that out yet.


    You''re welcome.


    Stupid, smartass, son of a¡­


    The effect would only last for a few minutes, so I wasn''t in danger of bleeding out.


    Again.


    So that was good. The problem was mental. The last time I was stabbed, I died. Getting stabbed again was putting me through some PTSD.


    Following the arm revealed who had stabbed me. It was another ugly guy with buck teeth and a smarmy grin. I couldn''t wait to punch him.


    If only my hands would stop shaking.


    "Hehehe, I can''t believe my luck. If I hadn''t had to take a piss, I''d be on the floor like those other sad sacks."


    And I was so happy for him. I grunted as he ripped the blade out of me. Thankfully it didn''t affect my Bleed time, but it still hurt. I held my side as I backed up, glaring a hole into the little weasel of a man in front of me.


    "Hey, are you ok?" questioned the girl behind me. It was easy to hear the concern in her voice. It was nice to know someone gave a damn about you, even if it was only because you were their meat shield.


    "Yeah, I''m fine. Don''t worry about me," I said. I hope she didn''t hear the slight waver in my voice. I was trying to be the reassuring hero after all. It wouldn''t work if I sounded like a little bitch after one measly stab wound.


    "So, this the guy Yamagichi?" a new voice questioned from the entrance of the alley. He was bigger than the rest, almost as tall as me, and he looked like a stereotypical delinquent. Kind of like a bigger, uglier Yusuke Urameshi.


    He also wasn''t alone. There were at least three other thugs with him, and not one of them looked like they knew what a bath was.


    "Yeah, that''s him boss. Beat up poor Koji and Tai he did."


    Fuckin'' narc.


    I turned my glare to the newcomer and began to Scan him.


    Scanning¡­


    90 seconds¡­


    89 seconds¡­


    Damn, looks like this one will take awhile. He must be at a higher level than these thugs. And my Stamina was at a whopping 2. I might be in a bit of trouble here.


    "I see. That''s not something I can just let slide. I''m gonna have to put the hurt on ya. You understand," he rumbled in a deep voice.


    No I didn''t, but I doubt that would matter. I was hoping for a bit less honor among thieves, if I''m being honest. Well, no choice but to fight I guess.


    "Hey you big jerk!" shouted a voice from behind me. I turned, along with the gang of thugs, to see the young girl I was protecting giving them all a death glare. If she weren''t three feet tall and fifty pounds soaking wet, it might have been intimidating.


    "Don''t blame him for those two jerks getting their butts kicked. If they hadn''t been trying to rob me, none of this would have happened!"


    Solid logic. Flawless even. There was just one teeny, tiny problem with it.


    "Huh? I don''t give a damn about that. He should have minded his own damn business."


    Yeah I thought so. These guys wouldn''t care if their guy was clearly in the wrong. All that mattered was that by attacking them, I was insulting him by proxy. Crooks like him had to hold onto their reputation like a lifeline, or sharks would start to gather. It was a pathetic dick measuring contest.


    Unfortunately for him, I was Well Equipped for a dick measuring contest. I had a Perk that said so and everything. My victory was all but guaranteed. Maybe that''s the real reason they were so mad at me. They knew I had them beat as a man, and sought to eliminate me.


    "What!? But they-" she started to rant, feminine fury on her tongue as she stepped forward. Something I couldn''t allow.


    "It''s no use," I interrupted, stepping in front of her. She turned to look at me, "But¡­"


    I just shook my head, "Guys like this only understand one thing, a good solid punch in the face. Luckily, I happen to be fluent."


    She growled but stepped back. Good, I didn''t need her getting in the way. It might have been harsh, but that was the truth.


    "Well ain''t that just precious. I think I might just cry," mocked the big guy. His goons laughed the way goons laugh, stupidly. I was tired of this already.


    The boss stepped forward, ready to give me a pounding. And yes, I feared for my chastity.


    "Listen up, this is how it''s gonna work. Only one of us is leavin'' here alive, understand?"


    "Perfectly."


    I put my arms up, not willing to take this fight as nonchalant as the last one. Not only was I injured, but I was about out of steam as well. Note to self, if I survive this, don''t use all your Stamina. Keep some in reserve, just in case.


    I checked the Scan timer as well.


    41¡­


    40¡­


    Damn, still a ways off. I would have to play this defensively, and hope my Observe Skill picks up the slack. There was also my Guardian Perk, which I had nearly forgotten about. That 10% boost was lookin'' real good right now.


    His first punch came hard and fast. He was clearly a step above his underlings. Too bad for him, I was harder and faster.


    That''s right, I said it.


    I moved my head to the side, letting the blow slide past me. That didn''t deter him, as he threw another, but I managed to dance around him. The longer this went on, the angrier he seemed to get.


    "Hold still you coward!"


    "Make me Tiny Tim!"


    He didn''t get the insult, but it made him mad all the same. Men somehow knew when their pecker was being mocked.


    His next attack was a hook, so I tried to duck, only to discover, in a painful manner, that it was a feint. His real punch was an uppercut, which I took right in the face.


    -44 Hp


    "Gah!"


    Fuck that hurt more than being stabbed. How is that possible? I wasn''t in any danger but still...


    He seemed to get a hard on at my pain, and the worry for my chastity returned. But it seemed like he wanted to tenderize me first, like I was a juicy steak.


    And I was.


    I put my guard up to ward off the blows as best I could, but it only helped so much.


    -19 Hp


    -16 Hp


    -27 Hp


    -22 Hp


    If this went on for too much longer, I was a goner. His next blow came for me, but it seemed to move slower for some reason. Maybe it was my Observe Skill, maybe it was my closeness with death. Either way, I was able to avoid the attack and land one of my own, a strong right hook.


    I staggered away, the last of my Stamina spent, leaning against the wall. My opponent stood there, rubbing his jaw, but not much else. A small trickle of blood dribbled down his chin.


    "Not bad, kid. Not bad at all. You ever think of joinin'' a gang? I could use a guy like you," he asked. He couldn''t be serious, could he? Judging by the look on his face, he absolutely could be.


    "Sure, but only if I get to be the boss," I said. I wasn''t serious, obviously, but I knew that was an offer he could only refuse. There was no way he was giving up his power.


    "Heh, too bad."


    That''s when a ding caught my attention. Glancing at the screen while keeping one eye on my opponent, I saw the Scan was finally complete. Nice, now let''s see what were working with.


    Name: Toma Shimura


    Age:28


    Level: 7


    Health: 380/440


    Stamina: 235/248


    Description: Toma Shimura is a former underground boxer. He quit as he was tired of being somebody''s underling. Unlike his own underlings, Toma has the ability to think. Doesn''t take disrespect lightly. Will gladly take on somebody stronger than him.


    He was definitely better than the others. My punch did some decent damage, but I had a long way to go. Taking him down would be an uphill battle. But with a life on the line, it was a battle I couldn''t afford to lose.


    *Ding*


    Due to your resolve, a new Ability has been found, Second Wind.


    Second Wind


    The ability to grit your teeth and push past your limits!


    Recover 30% of your maximum Stamina.


    Stamina will drain at a rate of 1 point every 5 seconds until Stamina reaches 0. Afterward, you will incur the Exhausted Status.


    All Stamina costs are doubled.


    That was a hefty cost, but at the moment, it was just what I needed. My Stamina is 166 at max, so this should restore about 50 points. Yeah, that''ll work. It''ll be more than enough to take this guy down.


    "What are you smilin'' about over there? You lost your mind or somethin''?" he asked. Huh, didn''t realize I was smiling. Whatever, it didn''t matter. All that mattered now is kicking his ass.


    "Nope, I just got my Second Wind," I said, standing up straight as I activated the Ability. It felt nice not to be so tired, but I knew that was temporary. I would be a whole lot more tired when this was over.


    "That right? You''re gonna need more than that to beat me."


    I didn''t answer him, my fists would do the talking for me. And they were quite the literate duo.


    I sprinted from the wall and jumped, landing a superman punch on his face, dealing another chunk of damage. Man am I glad my strength is so high.


    He growled and tried to backhand me, but I ducked under it and landed a kidney shot. Oh look at that, a Critical. Lucky me. Or was it that I hit a vital area? Guess I''ll just have to test it out and see.


    "Gah! You damn punk!" he shouted, bending over in pain. I chuckled as he cursed me out. It gave me warm fuzzies all over. Maybe he should be worrying about his chastity.


    Naw, I''m way out of his league. Plus I don''t want to catch anything.


    He roared as he stood, and tried to spartan kick me. No thank you. As his kick sailed past me I sent a kick of my own, one aimed at his leg. Unlike him, I succeeded, and he fell flat on his ass.


    "Way to go!" cheered the girl. It''s cute how she cheered for violence.


    I tried to stomp on the guy''s head, but he managed to roll out of the way. Darn, that probably would have been a Critical. Maybe next time.


    Toma stood up with a growl. I gave him a cocky smirk in return. He didn''t seem to like that.


    "Alright, playtime is over. You had your fun, but now it''s time to end this," he said, while taking off his shirt. Maybe he was wearing weighted clothing?


    His torso was muscular and covered in scars. It wasn''t hard to imagine him being an underground fighter, not with that body. It paled in comparison to mine though.


    "Look pal, I''m flattered, really, but I don''t swing that way," I told him, grinning as I heard the girl behind me snicker.


    "You''re a real comedian. But let''s see how you like this!"


    I was expecting many things. A punch, a kick, maybe even a tackle. But what I wasn''t expecting was for him to throw his sweaty shirt in my face. I also didn''t expect the burning agony to flare up from my side.


    It was a dirty move by the standards of dirty moves, but it was certainly effective. Toma punched me right in my stab wound, which restarted the Bleed timer. Great, he basically reopened my wound. Dick.


    It also turned out to be a Critical. That''s right, punching previous debilitating injuries was a nat 20. As I fell to my knees, clutching my side, I would also learn that a kick to the face was also a nat 20.


    Two in a row. He must be using loaded dice.


    My head swam, and I stared at the pretty stars. That took out nearly ? of my Hp. It was below 100 now. A couple more hits like that, and it was Game Over.


    His own Hp was at about half. Good, that means I still have a chance. My Stamina was running out fast though. It was down to just 23. I had to end this, and end it fast.


    The black-haired girl looked on, fidgeting nervously. I wanted to reassure her that everything was ok, Hakuna Matata and all that, but it would just be empty words. The best way to bring her comfort now, was to put this guy on the ground.


    So I stood up, spitting out a wad of blood as I did so. Toma seemed almost stonished "I didn''t think you''d get up after a hit like that. Color me impressed."


    "I''d rather color you red."


    He smirked at me, "You say that, but you''re on your last legs. You did your best, but your best just wasn''t good enough. It''s time to give up."


    "I don''t know what you''re talking about. I could do this all day."


    "Sure you can kid, sure you can."


    "Besides, I have something that you never will," I said, a mocking look on my face.


    "Oh yeah? Enlighten me. I''m all ears," he said, not liking the look on my face.


    "Big¡­ Dick¡­Energy."


    The world around me got quiet. But it didn''t last long. Toma''s eyes seemed to glow with rage, and his body took on a red hue, "That''s it kid, you''re dead."


    *Warning*


    Opponent has been inflicted with the Berserk Status.


    All damage dealt to and by the opponent will be doubled.


    That was a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I can deal more damage. On the other hand, he only needed a few hits to kill me before this. So not much has changed on that front. I still needed to avoid his attacks like the plague.


    No problem.


    He charged in like a bull, his arm extended, trying to crush my throat with a lariat. It didn''t work, I ducked under and struck his kidney again. Sweet, another Critical for m-


    My celebration was cut short by the back hand that spun me around. That hurt. It seems that the Berserk Status also removed the sense of pain. That would have been good to know.


    My bad.


    Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. Just one more thing to get around. Or maybe, use to my advantage. I had an idea, one that was just crazy enough to get me killed.


    As he turned around, I sent a low kick, aimed at his knee. It connected, doing little damage, even doubled. And like before, he didn''t seem to feel it.


    Perfect.


    Under the Berserk Status, it didn''t seem like he was able to think ahead either. He just charged and blundered his way at me, punching and kicking for all he was worth. But with him fully Observed, I had an edge in not becoming a smear on the wall.


    Every attack I dodged was an opportunity to counter. I aimed kick after kick at his knee, damage accumulating slowly but surely. But that wasn''t my goal. He couldn''t feel the damage I was inflicting on him, so he wouldn''t notice until it was too late.


    He swung at me, and like before, I dodged, landing another kick. It would be any moment now. I gained some distance from him, both of us sweating and breathing like chubby asthmatics at a carnival.


    He snarled and rushed me once again, and that''s the moment my plan came to fruition. His knee became dislocated, and he collapsed on the ground. Seems like he could feel that.


    He gripped his knee in agony, "Fuck! Shit! What the hell happened?"


    "You let your anger get the best of you. All those kicks to your knee added up, and you couldn''t pay the toll. You let yourself get sloppy, simple as that."


    He seemed to take my words to heart, sitting there with a self deprecating smirk on his face as the red hue vanished, "Huh, guess you got me. Been a long time since someone beat me this good. Looks like you win, kid. It''s my loss."


    "Not yet it''s not," I said. If he thought this was over, he had another thing coming.


    "What are you talking about kid? I can''t stand up, I can barely move. How is this not my loss?"


    "You said it yourself, right at the beginning of the fight. Only one of us is leaving here alive."


    Sweat started to drip even more down his brow, and I didn''t think it was from exhaustion, "Come on, kid. It was just a figure of speech. I didn''t mean it."


    "Is that right? Too bad for you, I have no mercy for a man who thinks robbing little girls is ok. Maybe you should have minded your business."


    I began walking toward him, even as he tried to get away. I had enough Stamina for one more good attack. Some of his minions thought to interfere, but one look from me dissuaded them of that notion.


    I was right in front of him now, cracking my knuckles like his lackeys did earlier. "Come on, kid, we can talk about this," he tried to plead with me. Too bad for him¡­


    "I''m all done talking."


    I raised my fist, and it seemed to glow with a pale, golden aura. Without further ado, I launched my fist into his face, using up my remaining Stamina as I did so. But you know what, totally worth it.


    Toma went flying down the alley, rolling to a stop in front of his gang. His Hp hit zero as he did so. They stared at his unconscious body in shock.


    Wait, he is unconscious right? And what about those other guys? I better check¡­


    Yep, we''re good. Game says they aren''t dead and that''s good enough for me.


    But it wasn''t good enough for them. They seemed pretty upset about the whole thing, actually. You''d think gang members would be better equipped to handle an ass whoopin''. Apparently not.


    "You''re going to pay for that!"


    He was probably right. I could barely stand. The Exhaustion Status hitting me like a truck. I was hoping I could bluff my way into them running away, but that seemed unlikely.


    Exhaustion


    Due to going beyond your physical limits, all Stamina Regeneration is halved.


    You are unable to perform even basic motor functions without extreme difficulty. You cannot use any Skill or Ability that requires Stamina.


    Cannot be removed until Stamina is restored to half of your maximum.


    If exhaustion persists for more than 3 days, you will die.


    Damn... Well in for a penny. Being a hero sure is tough. All I could do now was draw their ire away from the girl behind me.


    "Hey kid," I whispered, as the group started to slowly encroach.


    "My name''s Karin, not kid."


    Spunky. I like it. "Karin then. I''m Ushio. Listen, these guys are about to start beating the hell out of me. When they do, I want you to run."


    Her eyes widened at my suggestion, "What? But, what about you?"


    "I''ll be fine."


    That was a lie.


    "Just get out of here, and get to safety. Got it?"


    She didn''t answer, staring at the ground with frustrated tears forming in her eyes.


    "Karin, do you got it?"


    "Yeah! I got it."


    Good. That was one less thing to worry about. But as the group drew closer, something strange happened. One of them came flying down the alley. He rolled to a stop, face down booty up, with swirls in his eyes. Somebody knocked him the hell out.


    Is that you Santa? The present I wanted had a couple more D''s on them, but I''ll take what I can get I suppose.


    The rest of the group turned around, "Who did that? You wanna die?" one of them yelled. I couldn''t tell you which one. Assholes all blend together after a while. If you''ve pounded one asshole into the ground, you''ve pounded them all.


    "Karin, you down here?" yelled a new voice. Karin seemed to perk up at the sound, her shoulders sagging in relief.


    "Ichigo, I''m here!"


    "These guys giving you trouble?"


    "Yeah! Mind giving me a hand!"


    "Alright, give me a minute."


    "You''re gonna need more than a minute, pal!" screamed one of the thugs, tired of being ignored.


    He did not. He did not need more than a minute. It was a slaughter. The beatdown was so fast and brutal, I almost felt bad for the guys, even though they were about to beat me into a third life. It was like watching Mike Tyson box a little old lady. It was so unfair it was almost comical.


    In about ten seconds flat, there remained one asshole left standing. It was the mousy little shit that stabbed me. He was shaking uncontrollably.


    His head swiveled this way and that, desperate to find a way to escape. But it didn''t look like that was a possibility. His eyes eventually fell on Karin, and fear turned into rage.


    "You! If you''d just handed over your money like a good little girl, none of this would be happening!"


    "Like I keep saying, I don''t have any money!"


    "Lies!


    He pulled out his knife, a thin, double-sided thing. I was pretty sure it was the same one used to stab me earlier. Now what? Did he plan on trying to stab her too? Cause that seemed unlikely.


    That Ichigo guy was fast, so I sincerely doubted he would be able to reach her before he caught up to him. Not to mention I was right there too. I may not have been able to throw a punch at the moment, but I can sure as hell stand in his way.


    But it turns out he wasn''t planning to stab her at all. No, he was planning to impale her from a distance.


    He pulled his arm back, looking like he was going to throw a fastball. Ichigo seemed to realize what he was going to do and ran at him with a curse. But he would be too late. Ichigo reached him just as he released his weapon, giving him a mighty kick that made his spin in the air, before his head slammed into the ground making a crater.


    "Karin!" he shouted, helpless as the knife soared towards her. She herself looked on with wide, terrified eyes as her death neared, certain she was about to be reunited with her mother.


    That''s where I come in. If you thought I was just going to sit around and do nothing, you''re dead wrong. Nope, I did what any decent, handsome, sexy man would do. I dove in front of it.


    If only I had the Stamina, maybe I could have chosen a different path. But alas, my destiny as a meat shield would not be denied this day.


    The thin blade pierced into my shoulder blade, and I ignored the notification about my Hp dropping. That''s the second time I''ve been stabbed by the same guy, and I don''t like it. But seeing as he was currently frenching the pavement, I let it go.


    For now.


    It also reset and extended my Bleed timer. Fantastic. It would now take me five minutes to stop bleeding. If my math is correct, I should survive with a grand total of 2 Hp left. I just wish I was better at math.


    "Ushio!" yelled Karin in a panic. She ran toward me and placed her tiny hands on my arm. I was down to one knee at this point. "Hey you ok? Oh man, that doesn''t look good," she said. It didn''t feel good either. Man, why couldn''t I get a system with gamer''s body?


    Ichigo approached us with a frown on his face. Probably didn''t like some strange guy being so friendly with his sister. Not that I could blame him. If I saw someone as remarkably handsome as myself gettin'' chummy with my little sister, I''d be a grumpy gus too.


    Although, I''m pretty sure grumpy was his default setting.


    "You know this guy Karin?" he asked, like I wasn''t even there, hunched over and bleeding out from the knife in my shoulder blade. A wound I got protecting his baby sister I might add.


    "Not really. He saved me from those guys," she said, indicating the unconscious and possibly traumatized gangsters strewn about the alley. "He said his name was Ushio. That''s it."


    "Ushio, huh?"


    He was probably thinking if he''s ever seen me before, and to be honest, I have no idea if he has. I did kind of hijack this body after all. My memories of his life were hazy at best and a fever dream at worst.


    "That''s me. I also go by Stallion, or more recently, Pincushion. Nice to meet you."


    Ichigo snorted, his posture relaxing. Guess my morbid sense of humor diffused the tension. My Stamina finally crept back up past zero, so I managed to force myself to stand, much to Karins protests. But I ignored them, not wanting to look like a wimp who couldn''t handle a couple of stab wounds.


    That turned out to be a mistake. I should have listened to the shorty. You see, I failed to take into account the Exhausted Status, which lived up to the hype. I stumbled, and would have hit the pavement if Ichigo hadn''t caught me.


    He has very soft hands. I didn''t expect that.


    "Whoa, hey you alright?" he asked. It was a silly question, one given in reflex. I was clearly not alright, but my pride wouldn''t allow me to say that. So instead, I insisted I was ok.


    "Yeah¡­ I''m fine. A good night''s sleep should fix me right up."


    "Are you crazy! You need to see a doctor!" yelled Karin. I tried to stand on my own again, but only managed a wobble that made me look like a dancing penguin.


    Ichigo sighed, "Come on tough guy. Here, Karin, hold this." he held out his hand, which I just noticed had a bag in it. Karin seemed to be confused, as she responded with a confused, "Huh, what''s this?"


    Ichigo flung my arm over his shoulder, and started to help me out of the alley, "It''s for tonight''s dinner. Yuzu asked me to pick it up."


    "Oh, I was wondering what you were doing here," she responded while opening the bag, inspecting it with a hum.


    "So, where exactly are you taking me?" I asked as we left the alley and started walking down the Shopping District. It may or may not surprise you to know that we were completely ignored by the populace. Maybe they were used to seeing guys bleeding out in the street?


    "Home. My dad runs a clinic, he can patch you right up," Ichigo explained. Well, wasn''t that just convenient. Not like I could argue against it. Well, I could, but I have a feeling it would fall on deaf ears.


    "Yeah, the old goat might be annoying, but he knows his stuff," Karin said. She was walking on my other side, sticking close. Probably to make sure I didn''t fall on my face. How sweet.


    "Wait, your dad''s a goat?" I asked.


    "It''s a figure of speech!" she shouted.


    "Oh, that makes more sense. I was wondering how a goat would give me stitches."


    "...Please tell me you aren''t this stupid all the time."


    "Karin, I''m not this stupid all the time."


    "I don''t believe you."


    "What was the point then?"


    Ichigo had a smirk on his face as he listened to us bicker the whole way to his house. It was slow going, and they had to catch me a time or two. But we eventually reached our destination.


    And I had a pretty good idea where I ended up.

 Chapter 3

    Today was a rough day. Not as bad as the day I died, but still pretty bad. Not only was I stabbed again, a disturbing trend I wanted to break away from, but I was also pummeled to within an inch of my life. I may not have died, but I was damn close.


    Being stabbed also had the added effect of giving me Injuries. Each Injury reduced my maximum Hp by 10% until the Injury went away. So since I have two stab wounds, I have two Injuries as well, reducing my max Hp by 20%.


    Which brings me to my current situation. After nearly dying, saving a young lady in the process, said young lady and her brother escorted me to their father, who proceeded to stitch me up.


    Without any pain killers.


    He said it was because my blood pressure was too low, that it would be dangerous, and to look at it as a way to build character. I call bullshit! The cheap bastard just didn''t want to give me the good stuff. Probably because he was treating me for free. It would be rude to charge a guy after saving your daughter after all.


    So here I am, laying down in a quaint little clinic, bandaged and bruised, but still alive. So it could be worse, but I still wasn''t happy.


    But there was a silver lining to all this. I definitely knew where I was now.


    Bleach.


    I can live with that. Not like I had much choice in the matter. I knew the story well enough and the powers were pretty kick ass. I could have been much worse. But the best part¡­


    The girls! Oh yeah, Bleach had some fine ladies in it. Rukia, Yoruichi, Orihime, Soifon, Halibel¡­ The list goes on and on. It would be easier to make a list of who wasn''t a bombshell. Actually, no it wouldn''t, because I can''t think of a single one. I''m sure I''ll run into someone on the lower end of the bell curve, but until then, I''m riding high baby!


    That reminds me, I still haven''t checked my Status yet. Too busy with Doctor Frankenstein and daydreaming about milk and honey. Well, no time like the present. Let''s see what I got.


    -Quest Updated-


    Damsel in Distress!


    You hear a cry from a girl in distress. It''s time to nut up or shut up.


    Do you have what it takes to save her?


    The Tiger Claw Gang leader has appeared to take revenge for his subordinates. Defeat him to complete the Quest or survive for more than 5 minutes.


    Trigger Conditions


    Defeat Koji and Tai in under 1 minute.


    Reward


    -250 Exp


    -1500 Yen


    -Relationship Function Unlocked


    Hidden Reward


    -Map location discovered


    -2 Stat Points


    -1 Upgrade Token


    Failure


    -Death


    You have defeated an opponent over twice your level!


    Obtain the Title: Underdog.


    You have survived an encounter with less than 10% Hp remaining.


    +3 Vitality


    You rendered a helpless foe unconscious.


    Obtain the Title: Merciless.


    For pushing yourself past your limits and defeating a powerful foe, you have gained: +1 Str, +1 Vitality, +1 Agility


    You have gained a Level!


    +10 Hp


    +10 Stamina


    +10 Reiryoku


    I stared at the screen in front of me. That was a lot to take in. I liked the rewards from that hidden quest I got, even though having a Map location was useless without the Map Function, but I would have liked to know about it beforehand. It seems like I also had no choice but to accept. What the hell game?


    I felt it best to not distract your tiny human brain by informing you at the time. Also, you did accept the Quest, the Quest was just updated. No need to accept it twice.


    "So an update to a Quest doesn''t count as a new Quest at all. That''s fine, but it feels like I''m being punished for being too good," I said aloud.


    The Game as you know it is highly adaptive and will alter difficulty based on the user''s abilities. However, I recommend you don''t try and cheat your way to make the Game easier. Doing so will increase the difficulty even more.


    "Damn, there goes that idea. Oh well, I''ll just have to rise to the challenge."


    I look forward to watching you fail.


    "Just couldn''t resist, could ya? Couldn''t let me have my little moment. Fine, I''ll show you, I''ll win this stupid game and rub it in your face!"


    I do not have a face.


    "Whatever. Show me those Titles. Something else you forgot to mention," I grumbled.


    I inform you of things as they are needed or when they become relevant. As you did not have a title to Equip, there was little use in explaining them to you.


    "Sure you didn''t just forget?"


    Unlike you biological inferiors, I do not forget.


    "Yeah yeah, just show me already would you?"


    Titles are unique pieces of Equipment that provide static bonuses. Only one can be equipped at a time. That number increases to 2 at level 10, and three at level 35. Titles can be swapped out at any time, either by doing so manually or verbally. Click on the Equipment tab and let''s check them out.


    "I have an equipment tab? Since when? Why wasn''t I informed of this earlier? That would have been really handy to know about before getting into a fight."


    Equipment function was locked until Level 3. Furthermore, you do not possess any Equipment that would have aided you, nor do you have the ability to procure any.


    "It sounds like you''re just making things up as you go along."


    I assure you I am not.


    "Whatever," I said, clicking on the new Equipment section. A picture of me appeared. Damn I look good! But more to the point, I could see my current Equipment, sectioned off by body parts. Besides my shoes and pants, there was nothing. Probably because I had to remove my shirt and hoodie to get treated.


    They also did nothing. Clicking on my Equipped pants, a picture of them appeared with their current stats.


    Torn Jeans (Common)


    Old torn jeans that have seen better days.


    Durability 1/3


    Def +0


    Yeah they do nothing, and the shoes were about the same. If I wasn''t careful, those jeans would rip in a spot that might get me arrested. I needed new stuff.


    Also, in the top corner was a spot called Title, with a little drop down arrow to choose from a list. I clicked it to see my two available titles, Merciless and Underdog. Clicking on Merciless, it went to a new screen.


    Merciless


    Obtained by kicking your foe when he was down.


    Effect when Equipped


    Increases damage dealt to foes suffering a Status Ailment by 50%


    Ok, that was pretty good. Now if only I had the means of inflicting Status Ailments. I guess I could stab people, make them Bleed. Something to consider. Exiting out of that screen, I checked Underdog next.


    Underdog


    Obtained by defeating an opponent over twice your Level.


    Effect when Equipped


    Reduce damage taken by enemies with a higher level than yours by 10%


    Increase Damage dealt to enemies with a higher level than yours by 10%


    While the bonus wasn''t nearly as big, it definitely had more uses at the moment. I decided to go with the Underdog Title for now. Someday, that Title will read Sex God.


    Your biological urge to procreate disgusts me. But since you seem so eager, why don''t you check out the Relationship Function now?


    That''s¡­ a good idea actually. I hate that I have to admit that, even just to myself. But I was curious, so¡­


    Relationships


    Ichigo Kurosaki 10/100


    Karin Kurosaki 15/100


    Yuzu Kurosaki 10/100


    Isshin Kurosaki 10/100


    Looking at the backlog of notifications, it seems I received a +10 to all of them for saving Karin. Makes sense. Hers increased slightly more due to being the one I actually saved. But what do they actually symbolize?


    Thai function shows how close you are to any certain individual. If you are worried about every person with a high score wanting to take a ride on your disco stick, you can rest assured, this is not the case. Only those you are sexually attracted to will develop feelings of that nature. Unless I decide to fuck with you. Then, who knows?


    This System is going to be the death of me, I just know it. But that''s one less thing to worry about. Or one more thing. It was nice to see where I stood with people at the very least.


    Lastly, I checked my Skills and Abilities. Observe increased by 1 Level, so that was good. Looks like I unlocked some new ones as well. Let''s check it out.


    Street Fighter (5/100)


    An undisciplined fighting utilized by barbarians and thugs.


    -Increases damage by 5%


    -Reduces damage taken by 1.25%


    Only one fighting style may be used at one time. The benefits of multiple fighting styles do not stack.


    Power Punch (Rank *)


    A strong punch given with gusto!


    -Increases damage by 50%


    -Cost 10 Stamina


    -Damage can be further increased by adding Reiryoku


    Ok, these are pretty nice. A little disappointed I couldn''t stack passive fighting style buffs and become the God of Martial Arts, but oh well. And of course, being able to increase my damage at the cost of Stamina was great too.


    But what was Reiryoku? I hadn''t seen that before.


    And that''s when it hit me. I''m in Bleach. Reiryoku must be Spirit Energy! Finally I could see what that mystery Stat was. I know it''s only been a few days, but it''s been driving me nuts. Time to check it out.


    Stats


    Level: 3 (50/300)


    Health: 26/412


    Stamina: 12/198


    Reiryoku:492/492


    Strength: 61


    Agility: 19


    Vitality: 26


    Intelligence: 10


    Wisdom: 20


    Spirit: 25


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 4


    Goddamn my Health is low. You hate to see it. Or at least, I do. My Hp and Stamina were slowly going up, getting me out of the red, so that was a relief.


    And like I thought, there was a whole new stat to play with. Spirit huh. It was fairly high right off the bat, so that was good. But let''s see what it does.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Spirit: Who you gonna call? At higher levels allows you to see and interact with ghosts and spirits. But more importantly, it will allow you to combat evil spirits, like Hollows. Spirit is the primary factor for increasing your Reiryoku. The maximum a regular human can achieve in 99.


    Reiryoku: This is the amount of Spiritual Energy you have. It allows you to perform Kido and grants you various other abilities, such as increasing your Strength or Speed. Reiryoku is determined by your Spirit Stat, Strength Stat, Agility Stat, Vitality Stat and Level.


    Reiryoku equals


    (Spirit x 10) + (Strength x 2) + (Agility x 2) + (Vitality x 2) + (Level x 10)


    That''s pretty much what I thought. If I got involved with the main plot, and I was certain at this point I would, I needed to find ways to increase this. Maybe something like Dragon Ball? Try and feel the energy, pull it out of me and shape it into a ball. Meditation seems good for that.


    Well that was something for future me to figure out. A knock drew me out of my thoughts, and before I could answer it, the door swung open, revealing none other than Karin.


    "So you''re alive after all? Good, then Yuzu didn''t prepare extra food for nothing," she said in a bland tone as she walked in. She stopped in front of my bed, and I sat up, swinging my feet over the edge.


    "Your worry for me is astounding," I said as I stood up, not noticing the small blush on her face. I was still shirtless after all.


    "Whatever. Just put this on before you give Yuzu a heart attack," she said, tossing me a shirt. It was black, with an image of a cartoon sheep on it. Weird, but better than the bloody rags I came in with.


    I put the shirt on with a bit of a struggle. It was at least a size too small. Maybe even two, so it was a pretty tight fit.


    "Geez, it''s a good thing I didn''t grab one of Ichigo''s shirts. It never would have made it over those muscles of yours," she commented, watching me struggle to get the shirt on.


    "So this is your dad''s huh?" I asked.


    "Sure is."


    "He has weird tastes."


    "Tell me about it. Now come on, it''s almost time for dinner."


    The two of us left the infirmary portion of the home, and entered the living quarters. I could see a dining room, with a decent sized table, a couple of couches with a coffee table inbetween. And on the wall was a big ass poster of an admittedly beautiful woman.


    Kain saw where I was looking and sighed, "That''s a poster of mom. Dad put it up." She sounded exasperated by that fact, but her voice also had a tinge of longing to it.


    I remembered her mother was dead. Killed by a hollow years ago. Pretty sure Isshin eventually got revenge for her too. Good for him.


    Then I spotted the kitchen with a blonde haired girl about Karin''s age in an apron, putting the last touches on dinner. That must be Yuzu. I mean, who else would it be?


    That''s when a delicious aroma wafted into my nose. It was the scent of fresh baked bread, and simmering chicken; of cooked rice and boiling vegetables. It smelled amazing! My stomach grumbled and I began to drool. Karin beside me snickered at the sound.


    "Sounds like somebody''s hungry. Hey Yuzu, how''s dinner coming along?" Karin asked. Guess that confirms who it is then.


    "It''ll be ready in just a few-oh!" she said, turning around, "It''s you." She gave me a beaming smile as she approached me, her apron covered in food stains. She stopped a few feet from me and gave me a bow, "Thank you so much for saving Karin!"


    I rubbed the back of my head, appreciating the smoothness of it for a moment, "Come on, there''s no need to bow. I was happy to lend a helping hand. Besides, it''s the hero''s job to save the beautiful princess."


    +2 Affection to Yuzu Kurosaki (12/100)


    +3 Affection to Karin Kurosaki (18/100)


    Why do I get the feeling I just stuck my food in my mouth? Yuzu looked at me with an even bigger smile, and Karin turned bright red.


    "Wow Karin, you have your own knight in shining armor. I''m jealous!" said Yuzu, a hint of tease in her voice.


    "That''s enough of that," Karin growled, before she began to push her sister back into the kitchen, who just giggled in response and allowed herself to be dragged back.


    "It was nice meeting you!" Yuzu yelled back at me. I couldn''t help but chuckle at their antics. They clearly cared a whole lot for each other.


    I also took this opportunity to get my Scan on.


    "Come on!" growled Karin, as she grabbed me by the arm. She led me to the table, which was already set up with plates and silverware. Karin and I sat down, with her on the other side of the table.


    Name: Karin Kurosaki


    Age: 11


    Level: 3


    Health: 158/158


    Stamina: 105/111


    Reiryoku: 696/696


    Description: Karin is the daughter of Isshin Kurosaki and Masaki Kurosaki, the sister of Ichigo Kurosaki, and the younger twin of Yuzu Kurosaki. After her mother''s death, Karin became far less emotional, wanting to be the pillar of support for the rest of her family. She rarely cries, and when she does, never lets anyone else see. She is also a major tomboy who enjoys playing soccer. When not busy, she helps out at her father''s clinic. She can see ghosts and spirits.


    Damn her Reiryoku is high. If I remember right, she was also able to see ghosts, so her Spirit must be pretty high as well. At 25, I wasn''t able to see or sense spirits at all, which makes me wonder what hers is.


    It also seems like she''s a bit emotionally stunted. I can''t really blame her though, a mother''s death would have that impact. You know, unless she''s a crack whore, and I''m pretty sure Masaki wasn''t.


    "So, where''s Ichigo and your dad?" I asked after a bit of silence, feeling a bit awkward to be alone with two 11 year old girls. Girls who were basically strangers. A feeling that seemed to be reciprocated if the nervous fidgeting of Karin was anything to go by. Whose face was still a bit red I might add.


    "Dad''s finishing up your paperwork, and Ichigo is still in the shower. He''s been taking longer and longer showers ever since he became a teenager."


    "...I''m sure he''s just washing his hair."


    "For 30 minutes? He doesn''t have that much hair."


    "Well, you know¡­" I trailed off, not knowing what else to do. It''s not like I can tell her he''s up there polishing his Zanpakuto now can I? No I can not. I needed a distraction. I then noticed she was wearing a different outfit. She wasn''t wearing her soccer uniform. I can use that.


    "Eh-hem, so do you play soccer Karin?" I asked.


    "Huh? How do you know that? You''re not a stalker are you?" she responded leaning back in her chair, as if to gain some distance from me. I rolled my eyes at this.


    "Of course not. You were wearing a soccer uniform earlier right?"


    "Oh¡­ Yeah I guess I was. You''re pretty observant. I was meeting with our team to brush off the summer laziness," she said.


    "I getcha. And what position do you play?"


    "Striker. It''s my job to make the goals."


    And that''s how our conversation went, with me asking questions about sports and schooling, and her animatedly responding. There was no more mention of what teenagers do in the shower.


    Eventually a new face appeared. It was a wild Isshin! You know what that means, it''s time to Scan. He entered the room with enthusiasm, taking a big whiff as he did so, "Wow Yuzu that smells great!"


    She giggled in response, before pointing a ladle toward Karin and I, "Thanks dad. Now go sit down, it''s almost ready."


    "You got it!" he agreed with a salute. He walked toward us, though he seemed a bit surprised to see me, before remembering I was invited to dinner. "Ushio, right? How are your injuries?" he asked as he sat at the head of the table. Karin looked curious about that too.


    "Fine. No complaints," I responded. He nodded at that, seemingly happy about my recovery. How nice of him, now if only he gave me some damn pain pills.


    "Glad to hear it. I know I said it earlier, but I want to thank you again for what you did for my daughter," he said. He may be an asshole who lets his patients suffer in pain, but he at least cared for his family. I could respect that.


    "Not a problem. I was happy to beat up a bunch of jerks," I responded. Normally I would have just called them assholes, but there were children present.


    +1 Affection Isshin Kurosaki (11/100)


    "Heh, that right? You sound like my son. Speaking of, where is he?" Isshin asked, looking around the room. I hate to break it to you old man, but he''s busy at the moment.


    "He''s still in the shower," stated Karin. Isshin gave a little "oh" of understanding. That''s when Yuzu showed up holding a pot of food. Chicken, rice, and vegetables. Damn did it smell good.


    Name: Yuzu Kurosaki


    Age: 11


    Level: 2


    Health: 90/90


    Stamina: 62/64


    Reiryoku: 406/406


    Description: Yuzu is the daughter of Isshin Kurosaki and Masaki Kurosaki, the sister of Ichigo Kurosaki, and the older twin of Karin Kurosaki. After her mother''s death, Yuzu took up most of the household chores, including the cooking, the cleaning and the laundry. She is a kind and sensitive soul who hates the thought of her loved ones being hurt, constantly fretting over their health. She does her best to keep the peace in the house, but that rarely works out. When not busy, she helps out of her father''s clinic. Unlike her siblings, Yuzu can only vaguely see ghosts and spirits.


    Her Reiryoku is pretty high as well, just a bit under my own. But I had the excuse of a high Strength Stat, something I doubted she had. So that means it was mostly coming from her Spirit, and she still couldn''t see ghosts completely. Just how high does it need to be?


    "Here, let me help you with that," I said, seeing her struggle with the large pot..


    +1 Affection to Yuzu Kurosaki (13/100)


    She gave me a grateful smile as I relieved her of her burden and placed it on the table. She went back and retrieved the plate of rolls as well. It looked and smelled amazing and I couldn''t wait to dig in. I''ve been eating nothing but cup ramen for days, so this was a real treat.


    Now all that was left was to wait for Ichigo. Something I was willing to do, but Isshin, well¡­ Isshin had other ideas.


    "What''s wrong with that boy? Making his family wait like this. It''s inexcusable!" he shouted as he stood up from the table. He rushed up the stairs, ignoring Yuzu shouting for him to wait.


    She huffed and sat down next to her sister, arms crossed with a pout. It was adorable.


    "I don''t know why you bother. You know dad does what he wants," stated Karin, as she began to put food on her plate. I guess she had no intention of waiting.


    Respect.


    "Is it so wrong to want our family to get along, Karin?" she asked back. She was also preparing her own plate. Guess she wasn''t waiting either.


    Based.


    "You can''t force it, Yuzu. Best to just leave them be," Karin said as she buttered a roll. Yuzu sighed, an aura of depression surrounding her. Well that wouldn''t do. I''d have to say something to get her out of her funk.


    "You know," I said, as I loaded my plate as well, "I think you guys get along just fine."


    Yuzu looked at me with tears in the corner of her eyes, "Really?"


    I gave her a smile, "Really."


    +2 Affection with Yuzu Kurosaki (15/100)


    +1 Affection with Karin Kurosaki (19/100)


    Of course, the universe took that moment to intervene.


    "You let your guard down!"


    "Wah!"


    There was a loud crash, and I looked up at the ceiling in confusion. What were they doing up there?


    "What the hell do you think you''re doing?" yelled Ichigo.


    "You''re keeping everyone waiting. It''s time to stop washing your hair and eat dinner with your family!"


    There was another crash.


    "What the hell are you talking about!? And how did you get in here?"


    There was a series of bangs, and shouts of pain.


    "I picked the lock, how else? Now come down for dinner!"


    There was a final thump and the sound of a door slamming. Several seconds passed before the sound of someone walking down the stairs could be heard. It was Isshin, and he was sporting a nasty shiner.


    "You were saying?" asked Karin monotonously.


    Yeah, I had nothing to say to that, even as Yuzu sighed in misery.


    Name: Isshin Kurosaki


    Age: 240


    Level: 14


    Health: 481/481


    Stamina: 320/320


    Reiryoku: 448/448


    Description: Isshin is the father of Ichigo Kurosaki, Karin Kurosaki, and Yuzu Kurosaki. He was married to Masaki Kurosaki before her death at the hands of Grand Fisher. A former Soul Reaper Captain, he sacrificed his powers to save Masaki from Hollowfication. He is bullheaded and stubborn, and believes in tough love, but only for his son. He dotes on his daughters, much to their annoyance. He also tends to be lazy, doing the bare minimum of work required of him. He seeks revenge against the Hollow that killed his wife.


    That''s right, I forgot he sacrificed his Soul Reaper powers. That explains the low level and Reiryoku. After all, as a former Captain, he should have way more than that. I wonder if the fake body he was in also has something to do with it?


    Five minutes ticked by before Ichigo finally made an appearance. He was all scowls as he sat down, giving his father a glare. Seems like a good time to Scan.


    "It''s about time. Now we can eat!" Isshin shouted. While Yuzu, Karin and I had filled our plates, we didn''t actually eat. We would have, but Isshin forbade it, and while I didn''t actually have to listen to him, I wasn''t willing to risk not getting this dinner.


    Karin was a bit more vocal in her displeasure.


    But regardless we were finally able to eat. And let me tell you, it was worth the wait. The chicken was tender and juicy, the rice was cooked to perfection, and the vegetables all harmonized to make an exceptional dish. Not to mention the rolls.


    It also provided a nice little food buff.


    Chicken and Rice Bowl


    A delicious dish cooked by Yuzu. Filled with love.


    -Increases Hp regeneration by 15%


    -Increases Stamina regeneration by 15%


    -Increases Reiryoku regeneration by 15%


    -Reduces the time it takes to recover from Injuries by 30%


    You''ve come up with a new Recipe!


    Guess that means I can make this whenever I want to now, sweet. Nice to have a recovery meal I can make whenever, especially since I would probably be getting Injured fairly often.


    "Dang this is delicious. You''re a really good cook Yuzu," I told her, causing her to blush in embarrassment. Guess she didn''t get many compliments around here.


    +2 Affection with Yuzu Kurosaki (17/100)


    "Thanks Mr. Ushio!" she said with a cute little smile. I chuckled at her response, even as Isshin gave me a suspicious look.


    "Do you do all the cooking around here?" I asked.


    She gave me a nod in response, "Somebody has to. Dad''s only good at making eggs, and Ichigo only knows how to eat food, and Karin, well¡­"


    "What''s that supposed to mean? I can cook just fine!" Karin growled at her sister, who gave her a disbelieving look.


    "Karin, you burned water."


    I stopped chewing at that. She can''t be serious can she? How is that even possible? And judging by the look on Karin''s face, there was some truth to it.


    "Oh yeah! I''ll prove it. I''ll whip up something amazing, you''ll see. And Ushio can taste test it!"


    I''m sorry, Ushio can do what now? I looked at her, with a spoon full of food hovering just outside of my mouth. Ichigo and Yuzu were giving me pitying looks, but refused to say anything. Hell, Ichigo looked relieved it wasn''t him that had to taste test it. Probably from experience.


    Before I could say anything, a ding sound drew my attention. Oh no, that means.


    -Quest-


    Eat up!


    In order to prove to her sister that she can cook, Karin has decided to make a dish and use you as the guinea pig. And she expects a 5 Star review.


    Reward


    -100 Exp


    -2 Vitality


    -Plus 10 Affection with Karin


    -Poison Resistance


    Failure


    -Minus 30 Affection with Karin


    -You make a little girl cry


    Accept? Y/N


    Poison resistance? Does that mean I''m going to get poisoned!? The hell? Part of me wanted to say no based on that alone. But there was one problem.


    Karin was looking at me with such hope and determination, I couldn''t say no if I wanted to. With a silent prayer, I sealed my fate, and accepted the quest.


    "Sure, just let me know when."


    +2 Affection with Karin Kurosaki (21/100)


    I really hope I don''t come to regret this.


    -20 Affection with Isshin Kurosaki (-9/100)


    I''m sorry, what?


    I turned to look over at Isshin who was giving me a death glare to end all death glares. Why, though? I don''t think I said or did anything that would warrant that particular look. And he seemed fine with me just a minute ago. In fact the only thing I''ve done is agree to poison myself.


    Wait, is that it? Is he upset that I get to eat a meal guaranteed to leave me on the toilet and he doesn''t? If that''s his problem, then I''ll happily share it with him. It seemed obvious that Yuzu and Ichigo wouldn''t be helping me on that front.


    "I see how it is¡­" Isshin started to say, his voice deep and dark, with his head lowered so we couldn''t see his face. The eating stopped as everyone turned to stare at him.


    "You come into my house¡­"


    "I treat your wounds¡­"


    "I treat you to dinner¡­"


    "I even gave you the shirt off my back¡­"


    "And this is how you repay me¡­?"


    Everyone continued to stare at him with growing unease. We turned to look at each other as if to ask, "do you know what his problem is?" But no one had an answer. Eventually Yuzu, being the kind and caring soul she is, was the first to speak.


    "Um, dad? Is something wrong?"


    "Is something wrong? That''s one way to put it," he responded after a moment of silence. That cleared up exactly nothing. "After all this man right here¡­"


    He finally raised his head, expression one of fury, "Is trying to steal my daughters from me!"


    "...Huh?" everyone one of us said. He wasn''t serious was he?


    "What the hell dad!?" yelled Karin, ignoring Yuzu chastising her for her language. Her face was beat red at this point, whether from anger, embarrassment, or both was hard to tell. My money''s on both.


    "Don''t ''what the hell dad'' me! Look at him! It''s clear he has impure intentions! It''s written all over his face!" he shouted back.


    The only thing written all over my face was the joy of not having to eat cup ramen for once. I have no intentions for either of them. They were 11 for Christ''s sake!


    One must be of legal age to ride this ride!


    "Just think about it. First he saves you, then he compliments your sister''s cooking, and now he agrees to eat your food as well? It''s clear he plans to steal you away from me, and I won''t let him. You hear me!" he yelled again, pointing a finger at me.


    Karin looked like she was about to maul him. Part of me wanted to let her too. Even Yuzu looked like she wanted to bash him with something.


    "That''s it?" Karin yelled back. "That''s your reasoning? He''s being polite?"


    "It''s more than that! Can''t you see? He''s already poisoning you against me! Your own father!"


    Actually, she intends to poison me.


    "He didn''t do anything! You''re the one being an idiot!"


    "What!? I can''t believe this! Ichigo you''re on my side right?"


    "Don''t bring me into this."


    "What!?"


    Maybe I should step in before this gets out of hand and this turns into a weird Jerry Springer episode.


    "Listen, Isshin-"I started to say but was interrupted by an angry, paranoid father.


    "That''s Mr. Kurosaki to you!"


    Yeah no. After the slanderous accusations upon my person, there was no way he was getting a polite title.


    "Of course Isshin," I started, hearing Ichigo snort in amusement as his father''s eye twitched. "Let me assure you I am not here to steal your daughters from you."


    Maybe I should have stopped there. Maybe I should have been the bigger man here. But I wasn''t.


    "Not until they''re 18 at least," I finished. A few seconds ticked by before three faces turned completely red. Two from embarrassment and one from pure rage.


    +2 Affection with Karin Kurosaki (23/100)


    +2 Affection with Yuzu Kurosaki (19/100)


    -10 Affection with Isshin Kurosaki (-19/100)


    "I knew it!"


    After that dinner devolved into madness, with Issin eventually being choked out by his own son. Definitely could have been on Jerry. Personally, I had a wonderful time.


    Speaking of Ichigo¡­


    Name: Ichigo Kurosaki


    Age: 16


    Level: 26


    Health: 710/710


    Stamina: 492/496


    Reiryoku: 2,658/2,658


    Description: Ichigo is the son of Isshin Kurosaki and Masaki Kurosaki, and the older brother of Yuzu Kurosaki and Karin Kurosaki. When he was a child he was a major crybaby and mama''s boy, but his mother''s death, something he blames himself for, forced him to toughen up. Extremely protective of his family, especially his younger sisters, there are few lengths he wouldn''t go to for the people he cares for. He is often picked on for his hair color, and constantly gets into fights. His best friend Is Yasatoro Sado, and is a childhood friend of Tatsuki Arisawa. He can see ghosts and spirits.


    Holy mother of moly, that''s a lot of Spirit Energy. Guess that explains why he was able to affect his friends with it. Or was that retconned? Either way, he was packing some serious power. I do not want to get into a fight with him, that high level explaining why he could take out those thugs so easily.


    "Sorry about my old man," apologized Karin, snapping me from my thoughts. I really needed to watch that. She and Yuzu escorted me to the front door, while Ichigo dragged his father upstairs to toss him into bed.


    "Don''t worry about it. I had fun," I said, ruffling her hair. She seemed both relieved and annoyed as she swatted my hand away.


    "Don''t be a stranger," said Yuzu as I walked out of the house. It was dark now, and Karakura town was lit up by streetlights.


    "Wouldn''t dream of it. Goodnight," I responded, giving them a wave as I left. I was looking forward to a nice shower before falling asleep in my awesome bed. Today has been a long day, and I''m sure there will be many more to come in the near future, so I should enjoy the quiet time while I still can.


    Before it was time for the real game to start.

 Chapter 4

    -Quest Complete-


    Where in the World am I?


    You have awoken in a strange new world. Find out where you are!


    Locations Discovered 7/7


    Inose River


    Karakura High School


    Kurosaki Clinic


    Shopping District


    Train Station


    Furin Hall


    Tsubakidai Park


    -150 Exp


    -Map feature unlocked


    -1000 Yen


    Failure


    -Map feature permanently locked


    Time Limit: 2 days


    It was with great joy that I finally finished this Quest. While it wasn''t necessarily a difficult one, I didn''t enjoy having a ticking clock. I hated that in games.


    My Stats have grown a tiny bit as well, with my Vitality increasing by 1 and my Agility by 2. Slow and steady baby, slow and steady.


    I looked at the final landmark I needed, Furin Hall. It was a Karate Dojo, and I could hear them practicing inside. I would have loved to learn, but sadly, I have no money. If only there was a way to earn some.


    Normally, someone with Gamer powers would have access to Dungeons or something, but that feature was locked until I gained a Spiritual Power of some kind. Having access to Reiryoku wasn''t enough apparently.


    Which is also something I''ve been trying to draw out during Meditation, but besides a few levels, I haven''t made much progress in that regard.


    Maybe there was something on the Map? Might as well check it out since I just unlocked it and everything.


    Let''s see¡­ there''s my house, all the locations I discovered and one that just has a question mark. That must be the one I got from the Hidden Quest. I''ll have to check it out when I can.


    There were several shops from the shopping district listed as well. And when I clicked on them, a new tab appeared with a list of purchasable items, along with any that were currently on sale. Isn''t that handy?


    There were also icons of everyone I have Relationship points with. Guess that''s so I know where they are so I can interact with them to gain Affection. Nice I guess, but it kinda made me feel like a stalker.


    I also didn''t see any ways to gain some cash. So I either have to wait or get a job. Damn.


    "Hey, who are you?" asked a feminine voice, breaking me from my thoughts. I turned to see who it was, only to be greeted with a familiar face. It wasn''t one I''ve met yet, but I recognized her all the same.


    Short, black, spiky hair, petite frame with a modest bust, giving off an aura of serious tomboy energy, wearing a Karate uniform with a black belt. Yep, it was none other than Tatsuki Arisawa. And let me tell you, she was way better looking in person.


    Why didn''t Ichigo go after her? Because holy cow! But if she''s this good looking, how would someone like Orihime compare? Or Yoruichi? The thought made me both nervous and excited.


    I began to Scan her immediately.


    "Sorry, didn''t mean to interrupt. I was just passing by and got a little curious. I''m Ushio, Ushio Tenma. Nice to meet you" I said in greeting. Tatsuki gave me a suspicious look for a moment, before recognition passed through her eyes.


    "You wouldn''t happen to be the same Ushio who saved Karin would you?" she asked, approaching me. Don''t get nervous, Ushio, she''s just a beautiful woman. You got this.


    "You heard about that?" I questioned. That confirmation triggered an Affection gain.


    +5 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (5/100)


    There was something nice about gaining Affection, however small, from a beautiful girl my age. I could get used to it.


    She nodded her head, "Yeah, Karin told me all about it the other day. In fact, she couldn''t stop talking about you." Tatsuki said this with a sly grin. I rolled my eyes and groaned. I get it, she has a bit of a crush on me, the game was fucking with me, not that she knew that, but regardless, this restaurant does not serve loli''s unless they are of the legal variety.


    Tatsuki chuckles at my response, a teasing glint in her eyes, "I also hear you''re her official taste tester."


    I sighed in resignation, "I think you mean guinea pig." She snickered at me again. Just then, a voice interrupted our conversation.


    "Tatsuki, break time is over. It''s time to resume your training."


    "Coming Sensei!" Tatsuki shouted, "Sorry I have to go¡­" she trailed off before giving me a once over. I was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a tank top. And I most certainly did not puff out my chest slightly. Whoever told you that is a liar.


    +2 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (7/100)


    I guess she liked what she saw.


    "You ever think of studying Karate?" she asked. I did in fact. About one whole minute ago.


    "Yeah, but I''m a bit strapped for cash right now," I responded. I needed money pronto. Being broke left the taste of failure in my mouth, and I didn''t like it.


    "I see. That''s too bad. Well, I''m sure Sensei won''t mind you watching at least. If you want that is," she invited. And how could I turn down the chance to watch this beauty in action.


    "You''re not trying to show off for me now, are you?" I teased. Yes I''m flirting with her, don''t judge me. She''s cute.


    She gained a slight tint of red in her cheeks, "Pfft, you wish."


    I chuckled at her brusque mannerisms, "Alright sure. I have nothing better to do now anyway. Let''s see what you got."


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (8/100)


    "Alright, come on!"


    I chuckled at her enthusiasm, following behind her into the dojo. She reminded me to remove my shoes, and I hoped my feet didn''t stink. That was the last thing I needed.


    Walking down the halls I took note of the pictures of current and former students, as well as the trophies and awards placed in glass cabinets. One really caught my attention. It was a first place national trophy that read "Tatsuki Arisawa."


    "Well, somebody''s a big deal," I said, having stopped to read it. Tatsuki turned around to see what I was talking about, and her face took on an embarrassed look. "Oh that. It''s no big deal."


    She tried to play it off, but I could hear the pride in her voice and see it in her expression. "If you say so. Guess you''re more than just a pretty face huh?"


    +2 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (10/100)


    "S-shut up! Come on, we can''t keep Sensei waiting," she told me, turning around quickly and storming off. She acted mad, but she had a noticeable pep to her step as we continued on.


    There seemed to be more noticeable sway in her hips as well. Even though the Karate gi hid most of her figure, I still couldn''t help but appreciate her derriere. I bet it was nice and spankable.


    Ok, best to put those thoughts aside for now before I became too distracted. Save ''em for later.


    It was about this time her Scan was complete, which helped distract my lizard brain from the fine piece of literal ass in front of me.


    Name: Tatsuki Arisawa


    Age: 16


    Level: 18


    Health: 528/528


    Stamina: 380/396


    Reiryoku: 504/504


    Description: Tatsuki is a young woman who will do anything for the people she cares about. Headstrong to a fault, she often rushes into things without thinking things through. The very definition of a tomboy, she doesn''t often show her more feminine side, even if she secretly wants to. A blackbelt in Karate, she can more than take care of herself, and her friends. Her best friend is Orihime Inoue, who she often uses her Karate skills to protect, usually from Chizuru Honsho. Friends with Ichigo since childhood, she acts as a big sister for Karin and Yuzu.


    This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.


    Not gonna lie, I do love me a tomboy. But at the same time, I wouldn''t mind seeing her in a little black dress. Something that hugs her just right, showing off every curve.


    That scan didn''t distract me in the way I wanted it to¡­


    But all good things must come to an end. We eventually made it to the training hall, where a bunch of students were gathered. Most of them were around mine and Tatsuki''s age, with a few younger or older. Most of them were guys as well, with about three girls besides Tatsuki.


    An older man in his fifties or sixties seemed to perk up when we entered the room. He has peppery hair tied back in a small ponytail, and a light beard. He was somewhat small, about 5"5 or so, but held himself with the utmost confidence. I got the feeling he was someone you didn''t want to mess with.


    "Ah Tatsuki, you made it. Hmm, who is this you''ve brought with you? A new student perhaps?"


    Tatsuki gave a slight bow as she approached, which I did not. I Scanned him instead. "Sorry for making you wait Sensei. This is Ushio, the one who saved Karin the other day."


    He gave me a speculative look, like he was measuring my worth. I gave a bored look in return, trying not to appear fazed. I''m going to say it worked, if for nothing else than my own ego.


    "Ah yes, of course. She was quite excited to share the tale. I must thank you young man for coming to her aid. But what is it you seek in this place?" he questioned. Oh he was definitely measuring my worth now.


    Before I could speak, Tatsuki answered for me, "I found him outside and he expressed interest in learning Martial Arts, so I invited him. I hope that''s alright."


    He seemed to contemplate this for a bit, before coming to a decision, " I see no reason to turn him away. Very well, you may join us for today. Please observe from over there," he said, pointing to the far end of the hall.


    I gave a shrug and did as asked. Tatsuki then took her own position, as her Sensei began to give a lecture.


    "What is the purpose of Martial Arts? For what reason do we train? Is it power? The ability to dominate your opponent?" he said, sweeping across the room, gazing into the faces of each and everyone of his students.


    "Or perhaps you merely wish to have the strength to defend yourself. To stand against the tide of life and stand tall at the end. To have courage to do what is right, when all the world tells you to do wrong," he continued, stopping in the center of the room, his students undivided attention on him.


    "I have walked many paths in my life, the path of power, the path of peace, the path of sacrifice, and many more. And what I have learned is that there is no true path of Martial Arts. Each of you must choose the road you walk. Whatever path you choose, choose it well, with ample forethought."


    He then turned his gaze toward me, "Martial Arts were created to help the weak, to topple the strong, and to give hope that the darkest of nights bring forth the brightest of dawns. Think of this as you continue to learn and grow, the reason you study the Martial Arts, and the path you wish to walk. Now, let us begin today''s lesson."


    The old man sure had a way with words. What was the reason for power, why obtain it? It wasn''t something I hadn''t thought about before, not really. I''ve always been fairly strong and never bothered to question the reason for having strength in the first place.


    Why did I want to Level up? Is it just because I can? Because I want to challenge the powers of the world and show them who the top dog is? Or did I just want to survive?


    The world was dangerous, that much I knew for certain. If I didn''t get stronger, I would be helpless when the shit hits the fan. And I don''t want to be helpless.


    Or maybe none of that matters. I was playing a game now after all. The consequences may have been real, but it was still a game. And if what the System said on day one was true, that I was entertainment for some higher power, I doubted I had much choice but to play.


    The only thing I could do was get stronger and win. I have no intention of seeing a game over screen. None of that "You Died" Dark Souls shit. I would win, hell, I''ll even go for the secret ending.


    For listening to a lecture, you have gained +1 Intelligence


    For correctly guessing you have no choice but to play you have gained +1 Wisdom


    Well, I''m honestly surprised. Not many figure out they have no choice but to play. Some who do refuse, and the consequences are dire. Perhaps you will provide ample entertainment after all. Enough to get me a promotion at least.


    Wait, promotion? Is that all I am to you, a chance to climb the corporate ladder?


    Correct. Why would I put up with you unless there was something in it for me? Do you think your company is that great? Get over yourself.


    I''m choosing to be the bigger man and ignore him. Can''t let him get to me.


    I continued to watch as they practiced their moves. Some, like Tatsuki, got the move down immediately, and began to help the others. I couldn''t help but admire her work ethic.


    And that was the only thing I admired. Scout''s honor.


    But I do have to admit, she looked pretty good, breathing heavy and covered in sweat. Too bad I don''t have the excuse of washing my hair for long showers. I also lived alone, so I didn''t really need it.


    After an hour or so, Sensei called for a halt. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and retook their earlier positions.


    "Excellent work, all of have all been training very diligently and have made this old man very proud. But I''m curious, what did our guest think of our practice?" Sensei questioned, looking directly at me.


    Wow, thanks for putting me on the spot, old man. Looking around at the various faces, including one Tatsuki Arisawa, who were all looking at me intently, I felt a bead of sweat drip down my face.


    "Oh, uh they were awesome. Yeah, really impressive. I can tell they''re been training hard," I said. A few of them preened from the small praise, but I received no Affection from Tatsuki, so she must not have felt very flattered.


    "Indeed¡­ Tell me, how do you think you would fare against my students?" Sensei asked. Oh this evil old man.


    "Well, I think a few would give me a bit of trouble," I said, trying to be diplomatic. But I think it came off as insulting, based on the narrowed eyes of a few.


    "Just a few hmm? Care to prove it?"


    Oh he has me now, there was no way I could back out of this. And his students were looking way too excited by the prospect of punching me. What have I ever done to them?


    "Sure. But I don''t know Karate," I said, trying to get out of it one last time. It didn''t work.


    "That won''t be a problem. Now, who would like to spar with our friend here?" he questioned his students. Several of them raised their hands, but it was Tatsuki who would ultimately be given the honor. She stood and presented her case.


    "Sensei, please allow me. I''m the one who brought him here, it''s only right if I get to challenge him," she said. Her face was set in determination.


    Sensei seemed to contemplate this for a moment, before seeming to agree, "Very well Tatsuki. Please escort young Ushio to the changing rooms and get him a gi. The rest of you may stay or go as you wish."


    "Yes Sensei," Tatsuki said with a bow. She then turned to me, "Come on."


    Is it bad I kind of found her attitude hot right now? Probably not the best time to think about it. I had to focus on not getting my teeth kicked in.


    If this was back in my world, there wouldn''t be anything to worry about. A girl Tatsuki''s size, no matter how skilled, would never be able to beat me, not with her bare hands. Just like I would never be able to beat a gorilla. The size and strength difference was too great to overcome with any amount of training.


    But this was anime land, where anything is possible. And I knew she packed a good amount of power in that tiny, sexy frame of hers. Damn, I''m thinking about it again.


    "So, what was it I said that made you want to punch me?" I asked as we traveled down the hall, this one different from the one leading to the entrance.


    "What? It''s not like that," she said with a snort of amusement. She stopped and turned to me, "I heard everything from Karin, and Ichigo confirmed it. You fought a huge wall of muscle and came out on top. I want to see what you''re made of, that''s all."


    She said this all with such a determined look on her face, I couldn''t help but be a little inspired.


    "If that''s what you want, how could I say no? But don''t think I''ll go easy on you," I said with more confidence than I felt.


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (11/100)


    She gave me a smirk at that, "Good, I don''t want you to. Show me what you got!"


    -Quest-


    Sparring Match


    You have been challenged to show off your skills, however meager they might be. Do your best to impress Furin Hall''s Sensei and Tatsuki Arisawa.


    Rewards


    -150 Exp


    -Affection gain +5 to Tatsuki Arisawa


    -Free Karate Lessons


    -Unlock Karate Fighting Style


    Failure


    -You pay double for Karate Lessons


    -Affection gain -5 to Tatsuki Arisawa


    -Unlock Karate Fighting Style


    Accept? Y/N


    I accepted, but I really wish it told me just how I''m supposed to impress him, because I really wanted those free lessons. Do I have to beat her or do I have to last a certain time? Because one of those things was much harder than the other.


    At least I unlocked the Fighting Style no matter what, so that was a plus. Oh well, I''ll just have to try my best I guess. I mean, how hard could it be?


    We reached the changing rooms and Tatsuki handed me a fresh, clean gi. I went inside to change after Tatsuki said she''d meet me in the hall. I stripped down and placed my clothes in an empty locker, before putting the gi on.


    It was comfy. It made my clothes feel like they were made out of steel wool. Scanning them revealed how much better they were.


    Karate Gi (Common)


    A basic uniform to study Martial Arts in


    Durability 6/6


    Defense +1


    Upgradeable


    Ok, so it wasn''t a piece of mythical armor of anything, but it still made what I was wearing look and feel like crap. Life really wasn''t fair sometimes.


    I also have no idea how to tie the belt. After trying to emulate the way the others wore theirs, I gave up, and just tied it in a knot. Hopefully they didn''t mind.


    I exited the changing room and made my way to the Training Hall, feeling a bit nervous as I did so. After all, I''m about to fight some 6x my level. Toma was hard enough, and he was just 3.5x my level. At least Tatsuki wasn''t trying to kill me.


    As I entered the Training Hall, Tatsuki saw me and gave a sigh of exasperation. A sound I was used to hearing from women. She approached me and looked me up and down, before reaching for my belt, and untying it, "Geez, what the heck did you do? Here let me show you."


    Not going to lie, it had me a bit flustered. The whole thing felt rather intimate. She was close enough I could smell her lingering perfume, which had a fruity, apple scent to it. Surprisingly feminine, and I couldn''t help but want to smell more of it.


    After she finished fixing my belt, she straightened my gi as well, "There we go." She then looked up at me, hands still holding my gi, before she seemed to realize the position she was in. Her face turned beet red, and she jumped back.


    She made a coughing noise and tried to regain some dignity, "A-anyway, I hope you''re ready." Honestly, I could use a minute or two to cool down, but I didn''t tell her that.


    "Of course. Let''s do this."


    Sensei approached us with amusement dancing in his eyes. He likely never saw Tatsuki acting this way and was having a ball. Glad I could be so entertaining.


    Name: Ryuto Dojima


    Age: 53


    Level: 48


    Health: 1,000/1,000


    Stamina: 784/784


    Reiryoku: 978/978


    Description: Ryuto is an older man who runs a Karate Dojo known as Furin Hall. A former champion of both the underground arena and the professional Karate League, he spends most of his time training his students, constantly looking for someone who could be a future champion as well.


    I''m glad I''m not fighting him. I may not know what his base stats are, but that''s some serious Hp he''s got there. Not to mention all that Stamina, old guy must be hitting that Total Gym.


    "Well, now that the two of you are properly attired, we can begin the spar. Take your positions," he instructed, with a bit of levity in his voice. I wasn''t sure what position I was supposed to take, but as long as it wasn''t face down, booty up, I was fine with it.


    Tatsuki walked over to the edge of the sparring ring, which I just noticed. It was a white circle, maybe 15 feet in diameter. I took my position on the opposite side, facing Tatsuki.


    All around the students sat, eager to watch. It didn''t look like any of them took their Sensei up on his offer to leave. They must have really wanted to see me get punched in the face.


    Well, I wasn''t one to disappoint, because I''m sure it was inevitable. Good thing I could take a punch.


    Sensei looked at us both before nodding his head. "Good, are the fighters ready?" he asked. Tatsuki and I nodded, each taking a fighting stance. Hers was a lot more solid than mine, her years of Karate training showing form the simple gesture.


    "Then you may begin!"

 Chapter 5

    Critical Hit!


    -76 Hp


    I grunted in pain from the impact. The fight had been going on for a whole 15 seconds and I was already in a bad spot. Geez she was fast! Not to mention her first hit just so happened to Crit.


    The hell!?


    It was a good hit, I''ll admit, but a Crit? According to the System, only getting struck in a vital spot or performing a perfect counter could Crit. So how in the hell did she pull it off?


    Was she using cheat codes? The gut punch hurt, but it definitely wasn''t a vital spot nor was I countered, so what was going on?


    I gained a bit of distance from her, as much as the sparring circle would allow. Checking my Health, I couldn''t help but frown. It was down to nearly 200 from one hit. It didn''t help that the injuries sapped 20% either. Actually, that''s about how much her attack did.


    Luckily I learned my lesson from the last time I was in a fight, and my Stamina was fine, over 100. I recovered quite a bit during practice, so I should be able to last. But I could only take about 3 or 4 more hits like that. After that, it was game over.


    What was worse is that it seems Crits ignore all Defense, including from clothes, Stats, and even my Underdog Title. That was a real downer, especially the clothes. I just got ones with Defense damn it, and you''re telling me it''s useless?


    "Giving up already?" taunted Tatsuki. She was waiting for me to get my shit together, how considerate. She also had this mocking smirk on her face.


    "You wish," I taunted back, and slowly began to approach her. Her speed took me by surprise last time, it wouldn''t happen again.


    As I got closer, her guard tightened, and she pivoted her weight onto her left foot. It was a subtle thing, and if I hadn''t been Observing her for the last hour or so, I might have missed it. She was winding up for a good kick when I was in range.


    Knowing what was coming and doing something about it were two very different things, but it wasn''t like I could back out now. I just had to take it head on.


    Like I thought, as soon as I was within range she snapped a blindingly fast kick at my face. I managed to pull my head back just enough to avoid it being taken clean off, but I could still feel the wind from it.


    Noticing her attack didn''t connect, she spun around and aimed another kick at my stomach with her opposite foot. This one was harder to see coming, but I managed to cross my arms in front of me and tanked it. My Hp dropped a few points, but nowhere near as much as it would have if I hadn''t managed to block in time.


    I slid back a few feet with Tatsuki hot on my heels. Guess she didn''t want me to recover, aren''t I lucky? I kept my guard up as she landed punch after punch on me. I took it all, waiting for my chance to strike.


    Too bad it would never come. She must have seen she wasn''t doing much of anything to me, so she changed her tactics. She snapped a kick straight up, right into my guard and broke it.


    My eyes widened comically as she gave a savage grin, and performed another spin kick. I couldn''t guard or dodge, all I could do was take it.


    Critical Hit!


    -84 Hp


    I grunted as I flew back and rolled onto one knee, one hand bracing against the ground, the other holding my stomach as I glared at her. She gave me a "come and get me" look, the kind I would rather her give me from the bedroom.


    Damn, this wasn''t going all that well. But so far, I''ve been playing it defensively, hoping to outlast a timer I couldn''t see to beat a Quest. But that wasn''t working out so well, so it was time to shift strategies. I would take the fight to her.


    She seemed surprised as I charged at her. Good, that means I was more likely to get a hit in. Her guard was back up by the time I reached her, but she seemed unsure of what I would do.


    Too bad she hadn''t been Observing me for the last hour, like I''d been doing to her. That sounded more stalkery than I intended but, whatever.


    I pulled my right arm back to deliver a strong front punch to her face, her arms crossed in front of her, and her legs bracing for the impact. Too bad it was a feint.


    I didn''t stop my punch, instead I intentionally missed, my punch going wide to the left. I used the momentum to spin myself and deliver a vertical backhand strike right into her guard, copying what she just did to me.


    Her eyes widened as I broke her guard. She looked just as helpless as I did mere moments ago. Let''s see how she likes getting kicked in the stomach. It wasn''t a spin kick I delivered, but a strong front kick Spartan style.


    It was her turn to be sent flying onto the mat. She landed hard on her perfect little ass and flipped onto her stomach. She stayed there for a few seconds, before making her way back to her feet much quicker than I was hoping.


    Checking her Stats, it seems I managed to take out around 50 Hp with that attack. That''s nice and all, but she still had about 4x my own health. Yeah, there was no way I was beating her at my current level.


    Her hand was holding her stomach as she stood, "Ow, man that hurt. I can''t believe you copied my move like that," she complained/complimented.


    "Well you know what they say, imitation is the highest form of flattery," I said, watching as she retook her stance. I didn''t mind the dialogue exchange, that just meant the ticker would rise even more, even though I wasn''t entirely sure that''s what was even going on. But just in case¡­


    "Is that so? Well, thanks for the compliment," she snarked as she approached me for our next bout. I had a feeling this would be the last one.


    Her hand snapped out like a snake, almost faster than the eye could see. But I didn''t need to see it to dodge it. It whipped pat my cheek, nearly leaving a burn. But her attacks didn''t stop there.


    She brought her hand back and released a kick next, aiming for my head. I ducked under it and went for a punch of my own, but she bobbed her head out of the way. Her next punch came hard and fast, aiming for my kidney. I couldn''t dodge, so I tried to block, only to realize too late that it was a feint.


    My realization came in the form of a kick to the side of my knee. I wasn''t prepared, and almost went down. It didn''t do much damage, thankfully, but then again, it wasn''t meant to. It was meant to knock me off balance, and it did that beautifully.


    Before I could correct myself, I found a knee in my gut.


    -22 Hp


    Luckily it wasn''t another Crit, but it did knock the wind out of me. I stumbled back a couple of feet, as Tastuki got into another stance. This one looked like it was all about power, her body was to the side and her right hand was pulled back, ready to deliver a devastating punch.


    Looks like she wanted to end it here, but wasn''t quite ready to throw in the towel just yet. I pulled my own arm back, ready to meet her blow for blow.


    Tasuki took a step forward, and I could practically see the aura around her fist. Shit, was she using Reiryoku subconsciously? In that case, I better use my Ability, Power Punch, to even the odds, cause I still couldn''t figure out how to use that stuff.


    We thrust our hands out, both of us giving our all, releasing mighty yells as we did so. Our fists collided against each other. They stayed stalemated for a moment, as the class watched on in awe. But even if she was using her Reiryoku, she didn''t know how to control it, and therefore, wasn''t able to overcome my superior strength.


    With a final push, I managed to fling her fist out of the way, leaving her vulnerable. Her eyes widened as she seemed to realize this as well, and I took that opportunity to tackle her to the ground. If this was a real Karate match, I''m sure that would have disqualified me, but since it wasn''t, I would use everything in my arsenal to win.


    Or at least, complete the Quest.


    I straddled her, grabbing both of her arms and pinning her to the ground. "Hey! Let me go!" she shouted as she squirmed beneath me. But she couldn''t get out, I was simply too strong.


    Honestly, I''d prefer it if she were straddling me, and the squirming was for completely different reasons. No, I can''t think like that right now, focus! Just hold her down until her Sensei calls the match.


    Looking at the floating, translucent box above her head, I could confirm that she did indeed use Reiryoku.


    Tatsuki Arisawa (Lv 18)


    Health: 450/528


    Stamina: 325/396


    Reiryoku: 480/504


    It wasn''t much, and I''m pretty sure she wasn''t conscious of the fact, but she did indeed use it. And if she could do it, I could do it. If I can''t, then I join the other third string characters on the sideline.


    Which will never happen. I''m clearly main character material.


    After about 30 seconds of fruitless struggling, her Sensei eventually called the match. "Enough! The winner of this match is Ushio!"


    Hearing this, Tatsuki ceased her struggle, and I rolled off of her, completely spent. That sounded dirtier than I intended. I still had plenty of Stamina, but the bout did drain me about 40 points. So while it wasn''t low, losing that much in such a short time, about 2 minutes give or take, left me feeling fatigued. That wasn''t even taking into consideration the mental fatigue.


    The rest of the hall was completely silent. The only noise that could be heard was mine and Tasuki''s labored breathing.


    "Ah man! I can''t believe I lost!" Tatsuki complained as she sat up. I remained laying right where I was, the ground feeling rather comfortable at the moment. I gave her a look, seeing her clench her fists in frustration, her jaw clenched so tight her dental bill could send her dentist to the Bahamas.


    "Don''t be so hard on yourself. If this was a Karate match, you would have won," I said, trying to console her. I''m not sure it worked, given the angry look she shot me.


    "That just means if it was a real fight, I would have lost," she responded. Okay, fair enough, she had a point. I couldn''t really argue against it without sounding patronizing, so I didn''t.


    "Why don''t we call it a draw then?" I suggested. She gave me a look, ruminating on the suggestion, before sighing and standing up. She turned to me, and held out her hand, a soft smile on her face.


    There was a real beauty behind all that tomboy.


    +2 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (13/100)


    "I can live with that," she said, as I grabbed her surprisingly soft hands and she hauled me to my feet. But she didn''t let go of my hand, and instead, pulled herself in close, "But next time, I''m kicking your ass."


    I stared into her cocky grin and gave her a confident look of my own, "Bring it on!"


    "That was awesome!" shouted a familiar voice. Turning, the two of us saw the person who shouted, revealing herself to be none other that Karin. She approached with a big grin on her face.


    "Hey Karin, you made it," greeted Tatsuki. She gave her little sister figure a matching smile, as they gave each other a hug.


    "Yup, just in time," she said. I looked at the two of them confused. They seemed to notice my confusion, before giving me sheepish grins and explaining.


    "You see, when you were changing I gave Karin a call and invited her to watch our spar. I thought she''d enjoy it, you know?" Tatsuki said. I raised my eyebrow at that.


    "You thought she''d enjoy watching me get my teeth kicked in huh? Sure you weren''t just trying to show off?" I asked with a bit of mirth.


    "N-no, of course not," she said, looking away. I only chuckled at her embarrassed look, which only served to make her face even redder. Seems like I caught her red handed.


    Karin even gave her a smarmy look as we teased her, until she had enough of it that is, "Alright that''s enough! You want to go again right now!?" she growled at me.


    I backed away, arms raised in a placating manner, "No I''m good, but thank you for the offer."


    Karin chuckled, even as she gave us a slightly suspicious look, "Honestly, I didn''t expect you to win," she said. The two of us turned our attention back to the young girl, which may have inadvertently saved me from a beating. Girl cannot take a jab to the ego.


    Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.


    "Gee, thank you for your honesty," I said with sarcasm. She must have picked up on my sarcasm as she responded with, "No problem." Cheeky little devil.


    "Well, if we''re being truthful, I didn''t expect to win either. I''m just lucky this wasn''t a Karate match, or I''d have been screwed."


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (14/100)


    Tatsuki gave a cute, embarrassed little blush at the praise. Karin gave another suspicious look, but before she could interrogate the older girl, Dojima Sensei made his way over.


    "I must say young man, that was a rather impressive bout. I thought for sure our Tatsuki would emerge victorious, but it seems I have forgotten that there is no such thing as a certain outcome when it comes to battle," he said. Karin and Tatsuki gave him a respectful bow, while I gave him a nod of recognition.


    It''s not like I could blame him for thinking Tatsuki would win, considering I believed the same thing. It was nice to be able to prove the both of us wrong.


    "I''m sorry I let you down Sensei. I promise, next time, I won''t lose," Tatsuki said. Way to make a guy feel guilty. Not like I could have thrown the match, as I''m sure either her or Dojima Sensei would have figured it out, and then I would have been screwed. My sweet, sweet rewards would have gone by-by.


    Speaking of rewards, I really hoped they hurried up so I can check exactly what it is I got. Not knowing was starting to make me feel antsy, but I couldn''t exactly check with them right there. Last thing I need is for them to catch me staring off into space and pressing imaginary buttons. They''d probably have me committed.


    "Nonsense, you didn''t let me down in the slightest. This just shows a gap in your training, and that blame lies with me," he stated, stroking his beard in thought. Tatsuki tried to protest, but he would hear nothing of it.


    "I had been preparing you solely for sport, and had not considered you may wish to learn techniques to properly defend yourself outside of the arena. For that, you have my apologies. If you wish, we can begin training in such techniques during our next session."


    Tatsuki seemed thrilled by the prospect, and bowed her head even lower, "I promise, you won''t regret it!" He gave her a soft, almost grandfatherly smile, before turning back to Karin and I.


    "That goes for you two as well, should you so wish," he offered to us. Karin gave a bow similar to Tatsuki, accepting immediately, and even I gave a bow this time, thanking him for the offer.


    "And for showing me the errors of my ways, I offer your lessons free of charge, young Ushio, so you have no excuses not to attend," he said to me. Guess that means I passed the Quest, and judging by the eager looks of the girls, I had no choice but to accept.


    "Thank you for your generosity, Sensei. I look forward to your instruction," I said. He gave another smile, "As do I. Defeat can teach you many things, even if you are not personally defeated. Today, you have defeated my teachings, so it is only proper I thank you for the lesson."


    With that he walked away, the three of us watching him go for a moment. "You know, he says it''s to thank me, but I get the feeling he wants a bit of payback for beating you," I said with a sardonic look on my face.


    Karin and Tastuki shared a look, before giggling. "Yeah, Sensei can be a bit prideful. I look forward to your misery," Tatsuki said with cheer.


    "As do I," commented Karin with a grin.


    I rolled my eyes at them, "Well, at least I''m in good company." No I did not say that with any sarcasm. I was being completely sincere.


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (15/100)


    +1 Affection to Karin Kurosaki (24/100)


    Stupid tomboys and their desire to see me in pain. I''m not a masochist, damn it! If this keeps up, I might develop some weird tendencies.


    "Hey, um, Ushio?" questioned a voice. I looked to see Karin looking nervous, a small blush on her face as she looked anywhere but at me.


    "Yeah?" I responded with a raised eyebrow. She seemed to take a minute to gather her courage as Tatsuki and I watched her with confusion. She clenched her fists, before looking up at me with determination.


    "W-would you like to come over for dinner tonight? I''ve been practicing my cooking, you know, and we can celebrate your shocking victory," she asked. Oh right, I had almost forgotten about that, but did she have to put it that way? I heard a snicker come from Tatsuki as she looked at my ashen face. Damn her.


    And there was no way I could turn it down. Much like last time, she was giving me such a hopeful look that there was no way I could refuse. Not like I would anyway, since I already accepted the Quest.


    So with a resigned smile, I agreed, "Sure, I did promise after all."


    +2 Affection to Karin Kurosaki (26/100)


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (16/100)


    Karin''s face lit up, "Great! I''m sure you''ll love it!" Her happy, beaming smile did not make me feel better about my impending doom. I know for a fact I''m going to get poisoned from this, and I was not looking forward to the experience.


    Not to mention, school started back up tomorrow as well. That was another thing I wasn''t looking forward to. Oh well, grin and bear it. Remember, it''s all about the grind.


    "I''m sure I will too. Let me just go home and shower, and then I''ll head right over."


    "Ok, I''ll let everyone else know. See you soon!" she said with a grin before running off. Nice to know my impending suffering brought her so much joy. Maybe I should pick up some medicine on the way home? But what''s good for food poisoning¡­


    "Somebody sure is smitten," Tatsuki teased me. "I can''t remember the last time she was this excited."


    I rolled my eyes at her, "Excited to see me suffer maybe."


    Tatsuki chuckled as she listened to me grumble. "Come on, it won''t be that bad you big baby. If it makes you feel better, I''ll be there," she told me with a punch to the arm.


    "Oh goody, another person to take joy in my pain. Is this because I beat you?" I asked, rubbing my arm.


    "No, no of course not. Whatever gave you that idea?" she asked back. I might have believed her if it weren''t for the shit eating grin on her face.


    "It''s a good thing you''re cute," I said, before I started making my way toward the locker room.


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (17/100)


    "Hey, what do you mean by that!? You can''t just say that and walk away! Get back here!" Tatsuki shouted with a blush as she ran after me. I ignored her completely as I walked down the hall, even when she put me in a chokehold.


    Which wasn''t the punishment I think she thought it was, considering the left side of my head was pressed against her chest. Her boobs might not have been super big, but they were a perfect combination of soft and firm. If it weren''t for the noogie she was giving me, I might have started to doze off.


    So all in all, it was totally worth it.


    Thankfully by the time we made it to the locker rooms, there was no one left inside. Which meant I could finally check my Status without looking like a freak.


    -Quest Complete-


    Sparring Match


    You have been challenged to show off your skills, however meager they might be. Do your best to impress Furin Hall''s Sensei and Tatsuki Arisawa.


    Rewards


    -Gain 150 Exp


    -Affection gain +5 to Tatsuki Arisawa


    -Free Karate Lessons


    -Unlock Karate Fighting Style


    Hidden Objective


    Defeat Tatsuki Arisawa


    Rewards


    -Gain 1 Level


    -Gain 5 Levels to Streetfighter


    -Unlock (True) Karate Fighting Style


    -Gain 3 Stat points


    Well isn''t that something? This whole ordeal netted me two entire levels, sweet. And with a further +5 Levels to Streetfighter, that brings that Skill up to Level 11. I must have gained one from fighting Tatsuki as well.


    Now, what was (True) Karate Fighting Style? I assume it had something to do with what Dojima Sensei was saying earlier, about how regular Karate was for competition, and not for real battle. But let''s check.


    (True) Karate Fighting Style (1/100)


    A fighting style developed for the battlefield. Unlike its counterpart, Karate Fighting Style, this Fighting Style is meant to kill your opponent. Makes Critical Hits even easier to land and further increases Damage dealt by Criticals. Also reduces the Damage one takes from Critical Hits.


    -Increase Critical Hit chance by 0.5%


    -Increase Critical Hit Damage by 2%


    -Reduce Damage from Critical Hits by 1%


    My eyes widened at the skill, almost tripping over myself as I placed a foot inside the pants leg. I compared it to the normal Karate Fighting Style, which I still unlocked. The Crit Damage and Crit chance were both doubled, and it didn''t even have the reduction ability.


    Hang on, if the Skill worked like the rest, that means it reduced Crit Damage by 1% per level right? Doesn''t that mean I''ll be immune to Critical hits when it''s maxed at? Talk about broken.


    Its only real weakness is if the opponent is also immune to Critical hits, but even then, that reduction is sweet. Street Fighter might just become my back-up Fighting Style, just in case I do run into somebody I can''t Crit.


    Wait, doesn''t that mean Tatsuki''s fighting ability was about to double? And I have to spar with her some more? Shit.


    Oh well, the Skill was worth the future pain I would be in. Especially since I''ll be leveling it at the same time.


    But more important than future pain, was current pain. I closed the locker door with a sense of dread, leaving my Karate gi inside. In just a few short hours I would probably experience the joys of dysentery, and I would have an audience to boot.


    I quickly made my way outside, flinching slightly from the harsh light. I placed my hand in front of my face to block the rays of the sun as my eyes became accustomed to the brightness.


    Looking around, I noticed that once again I was all alone. "If you''re looking for young Tatsuki, she has left for home already."


    I turned to the voice, only to be greeted by the sight of Dojima Sensei, watering a pot of flowers. Was he a damn ninja? I didn''t notice him at all!


    Wait, what was he saying about Tatsuki? She wasn''t here? Darn, and here I was, hoping to see the tomboy in something other than a Karate gi. Oh well, I''ll just have to wait until dinner I suppose.


    "I see. Thanks Sensei, guess I don''t need to wait for her then," I told him.


    He nodded, not taking his eyes off his plant. "She said something similar. About how you must be washing your hair with how long you were taking in the locker room. Not sure what she meant by that though."


    Well, obviously she was making a joke about me wanking it, because I belong to the No Hair Club For Men . And yes, the carpet matches the drapes.


    "Did she now? How rude of me to keep her waiting," I said with grit teeth. Insinuating I was in the locker room beating my meat? Troublesome girl really does need a spanking. "Well then, I''m off. Until next time."


    He waved me off as I left, heading directly for my crappy little apartment. Thankfully, it wasn''t too far and I made it there after about twenty minutes of walking. I could have ran, but I figured I would need as much Stamina as I could get for what was to come.


    I entered my shack and looked around at the barren room. Recently, I had been placing most of my things into my Inventory, especially my comfy bed. It was literally the nicest thing I owned and I didn''t want some asshole to break in and steal it. Plus, I could use it to take a nap wherever I go.


    It was definitely one of my smarter decisions, if I do say so myself.


    Now before I hit the shower, I should pick an outfit for my upcoming Quest. Something nice, in case they have to bury me in it. If I end up going to the Soul Society today, then I need to style on the dead.


    Unfortunately, I have zero clothing that would accomplish that. I sighed, once again lamenting my financial affairs. At least I wouldn''t be eating ramen tonight, so that was something. Speaking of ramen, I''m pretty sure I have an infinite supply of the stuff. No matter how much of it I eat, there''s always more. Guess the Game didn''t want me to starve right off the bat.


    You know, thinking about it, my situation was kind of weird. And not just because I''m in a whole new world inhabiting the body of my alternate self. That was only part of it. But I have yet to run into anybody who knew the previous me.


    Didi he have a place of work? How else could he afford to live? What about family or friends? Nobody has been by to see me, not a one. Was this guy just a loner, or was there something else at play?


    For asking the real questions you gain +1 Intelligence


    Wow, it only took you one week to figure that out. I''m impressed, seriously. Good job. But to answer your question, it''s a bit of both actually. The Ushio Tenma of this world had no family left that he knew about, and very few friends, so it was easy to remove him from their memory.


    I wasn''t sure what to think about that. Somebody''s whole life was just erased on the whims of a higher power seeking amusement. Would that happen to me as well? Would I end up being forgotten by the few people I know?


    Would that little girl I died to save forget about me as well?


    That is a possibility, though it is an unlikely one. You are currently designated as entertainment. So long as you fulfill that role, you should be fine.


    "You know, that''s not as comforting as you may believe it is," I said out loud. With a tired sigh, I brought my bed out of the inventory and laid down, staring at the stains on the ceiling.


    Entertainment huh? Fucking hell, how messed up is that? My whole life, usurped and turned into a spectacle. This had to be Karma for something, but for the life of me, I can''t figure out what.


    Whatever, as long as I win the game, everything should be fine. That''s what I''ve convinced myself is the truth, if for no other reason than to hide the fear inside. The fear I don''t want to admit exists for fear of it taking me over.


    What was that old saying? The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself? How appropriate.


    I know I need to take a shower, but I don''t feel like getting up. So instead I decided to play with the map. Opening it up, I noticed there was a new Icon showing Tatsuki and where she lived.


    Seriously, this thing is a stalker''s best friend.


    Clicking on the Icon, I was surprised to find out it pulled up her Scan data, as well as what she was currently doing, which was the thing I was supposed to be doing, bathing. Getting all soapy and wet, washing every last inch of her tight little body.


    Great, now I want to take a shower for a whole different reason. I''m becoming Ichigo.


    Clicking out of that before it could distract me even more, I decided to check some of the shopping features. Maybe there was some cheap clothing I could buy?


    Clicking on the one for clothes a new menu popped up, kind of like the one for Amazon. Or any online store really. I decided to hit the brightly colored tab that said SALE. Figured that was a good place to start.


    And it was. At a normal price, I could only afford a single pair of pants, at most, with my current funds. But looking at this, I could get a few things for the same price. How convenient.


    Looking over the options, I went with a simple pair of jeans, a white undershirt, and a short-sleeved dress shirt that had the image of a goblin biker on the back. The whole thing cost me about 1,500 Yen, which left me with about 1,000.


    But hey, at least I have some decent clothes now. And with the Infinite Ramen Cheat, I was good on food for a while. I''m sure if that''s the only thing I eat there will be consequences, but for now, it will have to do.


    And the best part was that it would be delivered in about 30 minutes. Perfect, I could take my shower and then change into some nice, clean clothes. I might be a cosmic joke at the moment, but I could still enjoy the little things.


    Which did not include a lengthy shower scene. As much as I enjoyed the comforting embrace of the hot water, it only lasted about ten minutes. That''s it, ten fucking minutes. What kind of shitty hot water tank did I have? God damn it, one more thing to have replaced.


    At this point, maybe I should just think about moving. It might be cheaper than replacing everything in this dump. But then again, I wasn''t paying rent here either. At least, as far as I know.


    Did that make me a squatter? Was I stealing the power? Am I enabling the communist takeover?


    *Sigh*


    No, you are doing no such thing. The amenities of your home are paid for by beings beyond your comprehension. So don''t worry about it. However, if you do decide to move, this will no longer be the case.


    "You say that, but now I''m more worried than ever. I don''t want to be in debt to something like that," I said. But I also didn''t want to pay¡­


    Hm¡­


    Well, it''s not like I could afford to move right now anyway.


    "Hey, is there some way I can improve this place? Give it a much needed makeover," I asked. I know I could hire a carpenter and everything, but a simple menu would be nice.


    The Home function is locked until you survive your first day of school. Using that, you can make basic improvements. For more exclusive enhancements, you need to find specialty shops and unique individuals. Once you do, their services will be available on the Map.


    Sweet, so after tomorrow I''ll finally be able to start upgrading this bitch. Sweet. But there was something about the wording that had me on edge.


    "What did you mean by survive, exactly?"


    Don''t worry about it.


    "That just makes me worry more!"

 Chapter 6

    You know, it was strange. I can fight a massive thug after being stabbed with no issue, but for some reason, I couldn''t bring myself to knock on a stupid door. I just stood there, with my hand raised, looking like a jackass.


    But who could blame me, knowing what fate awaits me on the other side. A night of pain and misery, most likely to be spent on the toilet, with nasty things coming out of me from both ends. Who would willingly walk into that?


    A crazy person, that''s who!


    So what does that say about me? I''m here willingly, even though I''m nervous as hell. I''ve been standing in front of the door for nearly ten minutes, trying to gather the courage to knock.


    But I just couldn''t do it. I wanted to, I really did, but I just couldn''t. Actually, that was a lie. I didn''t want to do it, I just had to. And now I''m sweating. Great, just what I needed.


    Taking a deep breath, I gathered my fortitude, and prepared to knock.


    "Are you just going to stand there all night?" questioned a voice behind me. I turned around, startled, fists raised and ready to open up a can of whoop ass. Only to see a familiar face, hands raised in surrender, as she gave me a mocking stare.


    "Woah there killer, it''s just me. Calm down," she said.


    I let my fists fall to the side, realizing it was just Tatsuki. I sighed in relief, and got my beating heart under control. I was way too damn jumpy. This whole situation really has me on edge.


    "Geez, don''t you know better than to sneak up on a guy?" I asked her, only to receive a cocky smirk in return.


    "Who''s sneaking? Not my fault you weren''t paying attention. What''s got you so rattled anyway?" she questioned.


    I gave her a look, not wanting to answer, and that''s when I saw what she was wearing. Tight jeans, emphasis on the tight, with a form fitting orange shirt, and a black jacket. She even looked like she was wearing a bit of makeup.


    That Karate gi really was doing nothing for her figure except hide it. Because this¡­ I mean, hot damn! That is one sexy tomboy!


    I couldn''t help myself, and let out an appreciative whistle. Tatsuki gave me an embarrassed look, "What?" she asked.


    I mentally slapped the wolf back into its cage. Not now you horny fool. Later, I promise.


    "Uh, nothing. It''s just¡­ You look nice," I managed, not letting any of my inner thoughts out. Otherwise, I fear I would be forcefully entered into another sparring match.


    +2 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (24/100)


    "Oh, yeah. W-well, you don''t look too bad yourself," she said with a small stutter. I almost snickered at her shy look, as she tried so hard to appear confident. She must not get a lot of compliments, which I can''t imagine why. She was fine with a capital F.


    "Thanks. I picked out my best outfit, just in case they need to bury me in it," I joked, and was relieved by the laugh she gave me.


    "Is that so? Sure you didn''t get all dressed up for your not so secret admirer," she teased me. I rolled my eyes at her. It''s not my fault she has a crush on me damn it! Would I ever be able to live this down?


    "Hmm, maybe I wore it just for you," I said, receiving another atomic blush for my efforts.


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (25/100)


    I chuckled, she was just too easy. I''ve known her for all of one day and her Affection was already a quarter of the way there. At this rate, she''d be mine by the end of the week.


    "W-whatever! Let''s just go inside already!" she shouted, face red with embarrassment. I snickered as she walked past me. And let me tell you, the back was even better than the front.


    Now don''t get me wrong, I like a nice perky pair of tits just as much as the next guy, but I was always a bit more of an ass man. And if you could see the ass in front of me, you would be too.


    She opened the door with a huff, without so much as a how do you do. I followed her inside and closed the door. We walked down a familiar path, heading for the kitchen.


    Of course, that''s when the smell hit. I wasn''t sure what it was, but it stopped us both in our tracks. It was spicy, with a hint of cabbage, mixed with just a dash of mint. And those were just the ones that stood out. There were tons more I couldn''t recognize.


    It was an odd scent to be sure, and the knot of fear returned to the pit of my stomach. That couldn''t be my dinner, could it? There was no way the world would be so cruel.


    Tatsuki turned back to me, with a look that said she would remember me when I passed. Well isn''t that sweet of her?


    We approached the kitchen with a feeling of dread. Well, I was feeling dread at any rate. Tatsuki didn''t have to eat anything, so there was no reason for her to be afraid. Unless it was second hand dread, and I was passing my own fears right into her.


    As we finally entered the kitchen, I could see something truly terrifying. There was Karin, standing on stool and stirring a pot like she was a goddamn witch. A thick, purple miasma radiated from the pot, and I could see the souls of the damned, screaming from the vapors.


    That''s what I had to eat? I know I was entertainment for some cosmic dick hole, but come on!? Isn''t this taking things just a bit too far?


    So this is as far as you go. I can''t say it was nice knowing you, but I still wish you the best in your next life.


    Great, now even the game thought I was going to die. The hell? Was the game on Nightmare Mode or something? This is bullshit!


    "Uh¡­ Karin?" questioned Tatsuki as we approached her. Karin straightened up before she turned to face us.


    Is that a gas mask? Why is she wearing a gas mask to cook? Isn''t that just a little extreme?


    "Oh Tatsuki. And Ushio. You''re here," Karin said, as she jumped off the stool and walked toward us. She took her gas mask off with a happy grin, something that didn''t belong on her face, considering the pot of death she was just stirring.


    "Hey," I greeted, hoping she didn''t hear the utter despair in my voice. Considering she never stopped smiling, I doubt she did.


    "Yup, wouldn''t miss it for the world," said Tastuki. Although, her look was far more nervous than it was earlier. She probably just thought I''d be eating something burnt and foul tasting, not literal death.


    "Awesome. I''m almost done. Why don''t you go take a seat next to Yuzu?" she suggested. We turned to the kitchen table, and sure enough there she was, head on the table, looking nauseous.


    Yeah, if I had to smell this stuff for much longer, I''d probably look the same. And she''s probably had to deal with it all week. Poor girl¡­


    We made our way toward her, as Karin went back to her Mystery Food X. Well shit, looks like I was in Persona 4 after all. Naoto, here I come!


    "Hey Yuzu, how you doin''?" asked Tatsuki as we neared her. She raised her head off the table, which looked like it was chore in and of itself, with large bags under her red eyes. She looked like an insomniac pothead.


    "Oh, hey Tatsuki. Hey Ushio. I''m good," she said before laying her head back down against the table. Tatsuki and I shared a look.


    "Uh, you sure about that? Cause, you look like you haven''t slept in a while," I said. She really did look terrible. It wasn''t just that her face was a mess, her whole appearance was disheveled.


    "Yeah... I''ve just been trying to help Karin, but no matter what I do, it turns into that," she said pointing at the toxic fumes pouring out of the kitchen. A new shiver ran down my spine. Are you telling me she made that even with Yuzu''s help?


    How!?


    What kind of gag manga bullshit was this? Am I in the wrong anime? Because it feels like I''m in the wrong anime.


    "And uh, what exactly is she trying to cook?" I asked, fearing the answer.


    "Curry," Yuzu responded.


    Seriously, curry? Wait, isn''t that what they actually made in Persona 4? I was joking about that damn it!


    "O-oh, is that right¡­ Well, I''m sure it tastes better than it looks," suggested Tatsuki. Both Yuzu and I gave her a disbelieving look as she laughed nervously. But the effort to keep her head up was too much for Yuzu to bear, and her head flopped back onto the table.


    Damn, and here I thought for sure I would be the one to die tonight.


    "So, where''s your dad and Ichigo? He''s not upstairs washing his hair again is he?" I asked, trying to bring some levity to the room. It seemed to work, as Tatsuki found it amusing at the very least, judging by her snicker.


    "Dad had a meeting so he won''t get home till later. Ichigo''s in his room doing whatever it is he does in there. He spends so much time in there ever since he became a teenager," Yuzu said despondently.


    "Yeah, I can imagine. Boys at that age need their alone time," I said, making Tatsuki chuckle again. Yuzu gave me a confused look, but there was no way I was going to explain the joke to her. If you know, you know.


    "Does that include you?" she joked.


    I raised my eyebrow at her, "Maybe. Why, you thinking about me washing my hair?"


    That made her face turn red, and she began to stutter denials, "W-what!? Of course not! W-who would want to think about that?"


    It was my turn now to chuckle at her expression. But Yuzu just gave me a confused look, "Um, but Ushio, you don''t have any hair."


    That caused the both of us to look at her in a panic. I would not be the one to ruin her innocence and get put on a list. That wasn''t going to happen!


    "T-that''s right! And that''s exactly why I don''t take long showers, ahahaha¡­" I said, laughing nervously with Tatsuki joining in. Yuzu still seemed confused, so I had to change the subject before she asked any more questions.


    "So, you ready to go back to school?" I asked. She just stared at me with dull, lifeless eyes, head still firmly on the table. She was starting to look like a dead fish.


    "Yup, can''t wait," she said. I can''t tell if she''s being sarcastic or not. This has really been a rough week for her, hasn''t it? It was starting to make me feel bad.


    "Ugh, why did you have to remind me?" said Tatsuki with a groan. I turned to her with a grin on my face, "What, you don''t like school?"


    She gave me a look of her own, "Do you?"


    "Ok, you''ve got me there. School is nothing more than institutionalized slavery dedicated to the sole purpose of feeding the next generation government approved propaganda."


    Both Tatsuki and Yuze were now giving me "WTF" looks. I raised an eyebrow at them, "What? Tell me I''m wrong."


    But they just ignored me. Jerks.


    "Orihime sure is looking forward to it. She''s all ''Tatsuki, our high school journey is about to begin! Let''s conquer the first step into adulthood together!'' And then she tripped and fell into a garbage can. I love her and all, but she can be a bit much sometimes."


    Yuzu tried giggling at that, but it just came out sounding like a chain-smoking bullfrog. Was she going to be ok to go to school tomorrow? I know I wasn''t.


    "Ok, it''s ready!" shouted a voice from the kitchen. It was Karin''s loud proclamation of the oncoming darkness. A bit melodramatic maybe, but at the same time, my butthole was clenched so tight it could make diamonds.


    Come to think of it, that would solve my money problems, wouldn''t it? And yet, I doubt it would be worth the pain and suffering. Not to mention it would probably be bad for my impending battle against diarrhea.


    Karin came walking into the dining room with an altogether far too happy smile on her face. It was disconcerting how unconcerned she was about it. Did she really think her food would be good? What kind of blinders did one have to have to not see the cloud of death surrounding the pot she was carrying?


    Hell, I think I can hear it wailing in despair. Food is not supposed to do that! I''m at least 95% certain of that. This was an anime, so there was always room for error, but in this case, I''m pretty darn sure I''m right!


    She plopped it down on the table, right smack dab in the middle of it. Mine and Tatsuki''s eyes watered a bit as the noxious fumes entered our noses. Yuzu seemed to be used to it by now, which was a whole other reason to be concerned, as her nose merely twitched as the purple miasmic mist penetrated her nostrils.


    "There we go, all set. Hey, has anybody seen Ichigo?" Karin asked, as she placed her hands on her hips. She looked around the room for her brother, only to find no sight of him.


    I was starting to think he bailed. Considering the sight I was looking at, I wouldn''t blame him if he did. The large metal pot filled with curry (allegedly) boiled and bubbled ominously, like something was trying to escape.


    And stab me. I just know whatever was in there wanted to stab me. Because that seems to be a trend lately. Fuck I''m tired of getting stabbed, and it only took two times to do it.


    "He should be up in his room," said a tired Yuzu. She did seem to be more alert however, as she stared at the pot like it was a venomous snake. And she would be close, considering it was going to poison me.


    Please note, being envenomated will lead to the same Status Condition of Poisoned.


    A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    Oh, wow, thank you so much for the information. I feel so much better now that I know that.


    Happy to help.


    Stupid, stinkin'' game system. Wasn''t I going to suffer enough? Your assholeness is completely uncalled for!


    "Seriously? Do all teenage boys spend all their time in their room?" Karin asked, staring straight at me, her accusing eyes staring straight into my soul.


    "Hey, don''t look at me like that. Besides, I live in a studio apartment, so my kitchen is also my room. It doesn''t count," I stated.


    "Whatever you say," said Karin in her usual bland tone. I get the feeling she didn''t believe me.


    "Anyway, I''m going to go find him. Be back in a sec," she said, before heading up the stairs.


    Take your time, I don''t mind.


    "So, you live in a studio apartment?" asked Tatsuki. She was trying to look anywhere but the shaking pot, unlike Yuzu, who wouldn''t take her eyes off of it. I could see a bead of sweat drip down her face, as she glanced at it from the corner of her eye.


    "Yup. I''d invite you over, but my place is a major shithole. Every night I go to sleep in fear that this will be the night the rats take me away," I said, as she stared at me with a sweat drop.


    She thinks I''m joking, but that last one I saw was a big as a fucking capybara.


    "And why would you want to invite me over to your place, huh?" she asked, giving me the sultry eyes. Or trying to at the very least, because she wasn''t very good at it. Kind of just looked like she was squinting at me.


    It was both sad, and adorable.


    "Oh you know, so we could do homework and stuff," I said, giving her a smirk.


    "What kind of stuff?" Tatsuki asked, taking a step closer to me.


    "Well, I could help you¡­ wash your hair. I''ve got a pretty big¡­ shampoo bottle you know," I said, also taking a step closer, staring down at her with dark, half lidded eyes.


    +1 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (26/100)


    "Is that right? You know, it takes more than a big shampoo bottle to properly wash someone''s hair," she stated, a saucy grin on her face. Damn, she was better at this flirting thing than I thought. And her Affection wasn''t even that high!


    It must be because of my Big Dick Energy. I couldn''t think of another reason. Not that I cared.


    "Really? Guess you''ll just have to show me," I told her with a deep growl. The two of us were fairly close now, and I felt myself leaning down towards her. To do what I wasn''t sure, I was just letting instinct guide me at this point. Tatsuki looked to be the same, as she leaned forward as well, staring up at me with a blush on her face.


    But as we grew closer, so close I could feel her breath against my skin, a loud bang interrupted us. Like being snapped out of a trance, we jumped away from each other, faces beat red.


    What were we just about to do? And in front of Yuzu no less? Boy am I glad she''s so distracted by the pot.


    That''s the problem with puberty, it removes all of your common sense. Like a spell cast by a dark wizard, you''re robbed of all your faculties. Thinking becomes nearly impossible in the face of such horniness.


    Something that wasn''t aided by the fact that Tatsuki was a damn good looking woman.


    "W-what was that?" she asked, looking anywhere but my face. Her own looked like she had spent too much time in the sun. He could practically feel the heat radiated off of it.


    "Don''t know. It sounded like it came from¡­" I started to say, only to be interrupted by another loud bang. This time, seeing as I wasn''t distracted by a pair of beautiful eyes, I could tell exactly where it came from.


    And to my utter horror, it came from inside the pot. It sounded like something was trying to escape. Don''t tell me it was alive?


    "...There," I finished. The three of us could only stare at it, wondering what kind of eldritch abomination was going to pop out and devour our souls. Yuzu actually looked like a cat who couldn''t decide if it wanted to swat the weird thing in front of it, or run like hell.


    "You''re not actually going to eat that, are you?" asked Tatsuki, who finally managed to get her blush under control. Now, instead of looking at me like she was about to devour a big, juicy steak, she was staring at me like I was about to die.


    Which was fair.


    Before answering her, I brought up the Quest once again.


    -Quest-


    Eat up!


    In order to prove to her sister that she can cook, Karin has decided to make a dish and use you as the guinea pig. And she expects a 5 Star review.


    Reward


    -Gain 100 Exp


    -Gain 2 Vitality


    -Gain 10 Affection with Karin


    -Poison Resistance


    Failure


    -Lose 30 Affection with Karin


    -You make a little girl cry


    Well, I wouldn''t be gaining a Level from this, considering I needed 500 Exp to do so, but I definitely wanted the Vitality. Also Poison Resistance. I know there''s a few assholes in my future that like to use that shit.


    But the most important thing was preventing Karin from crying, even though she doesn''t seem like the type. I knew that tough exterior of hers was mostly a front, used to hide the pain and fear she held inside. I didn''t want to be the one to add to it.


    "Sure am. I''m not in the business of breaking little girls'' hearts," I said.


    +1 Affection with Tatsuki Arisawa (27/100)


    "Aw, you''re just a big softy aren''t you?" teased Tatsuki, but I could tell she was glad for my response, even if she was afraid for my life.


    "Like a big old teddy bear. Just do me a favor, don''t write that on my tombstone," I pleaded.


    "And what exactly am I supposed to put on it?" She asked.


    "Hmm, let me think¡­ How about, ''Here lay Ushio. He was brave and bald, with a rocking body, and he was great at washing girls'' hair''. Something like that."


    Tatsuki rolled her eyes with a bit of red back in her cheeks from the ''washing girls'' hair'' remark. "Wow, humble aren''t you? Should I write about how handsome you are too?"


    "Oh, so you think I''m handsome, do you?" I said with a shit eating grin on my face. I''m pretty sure she wasn''t thinking about what she was saying, but I couldn''t pass up the opportunity to tease her.


    Tatsuki''s face lit right back up in embarrassment, as she stuttered out denials, "W-what!? No, that''s not what I¡­ Wipe that smirk off your face!"


    "Oh, you don''t think I''m handsome? I''m crushed," I said, holding my chest in fake pain. Tatsuki growled as she approached me, fist shaking in embarrassed rage, "You will be!"


    Thankfully I was saved by the return of Karin who managed to find Ichigo. That took longer than I thought, but the timing couldn''t be better.


    "Karin, your back! And you found Ichigo," I said, making my way towards them, leaving the red-faced tomboy behind to simmer in her rage.


    "Yeah, sorry it took so long, I had to threaten Ichigo to get him out of his room," Karin said. Ichigo grumbled something I couldn''t make out, making his way past us toward the table.


    "Let''s just get this over with. Tatsuki? What are you doing here?" he asked. Her ire quickly turned to Ichigo, as she leveled a glare at him, "What? You got a problem with me being here?"


    "Geez, what crawled up your ass and died?" he asked, which only seemed to make her angrier. She approached him with a growl, a flaming aura of feminine fury radiating from her every pour, "So you have chosen death¡­"


    But before she could carry out what was sure to be a brutal murder, another loud bang, louder than the previous two, startled her from her rage. She jumped in fright, right into my arms, which I instinctively wrapped around her.


    I knew she was rather petite, but to feel it was another matter entirely. I felt myself grip her slender waist even tighter unconsciously, pulling her even closer to me. She wasn''t looking at me at all, her attention solely on the pot, so I don''t think she even realized where she was exactly.


    Once she figured out there was no immediate danger, she finally looked up at me, first in relief, then in confusion, then in embarrassment, and finally, in rage. I should have let her go and ran for my life, but remember those pesky hormones?


    Yeah, they wanted me to stay right where I was. You can imagine how well that went.


    "Y-you pervert!" Tatsuki yelled. She immediately broke out of my grip, which wasn''t that hard. It wasn''t like I was trying to force her to be there. And if that''s where that ended, fine.


    But it wasn''t. Tatsuki immediately took up a Karate stance, and before I knew it, there was a small fist lodged into my stomach.


    Critical Hit!


    -72 Hp


    Yup, why not be a Crit? That seems to be the way tonight is going. But at least I didn''t lose any Affection with her, so that was something. What I did lose, however, was my ability to stand. I found myself hitting the floor, face first, holding my stomach.


    It was so much worse when you weren''t expecting it.


    Standing there with a red face, Tatsuki seemed to realize what she did, "Uh, whoops¡­"


    "Ushio, you ok?" said Karin as she came to kneel next to my body. I turned to and gave her a shaky thumbs up. She sighed in relief, as she rubbed my back in comfort.


    "You''re as violent as ever," said Ichigo, watching the whole thing with a sweat drop.


    "Oh shut up! Like you''re one to talk!" she yelled.


    "I''m not the one who laid the guy out," he said.


    The two began to bicker back and forth. But the most surprising thing of all was the fact that Yuzu was completely oblivious to the whole thing. She was still staring at the fucking pot! I don''t even think she''s blinked since it came out here. Her diligence was as admirable as it was disturbing.


    Eventually, I recovered enough from the surprise gut punch to stand up. Tatsuki and Karin helped me to my chair, while Ichigo took up his own spot. He seemed to pale a bit, sitting in front of the cursed pot as he was. I''m a bit shocked he didn''t break part of the table with how hard he was gripping it.


    "So, why am I here again?" he asked, looking directly at Karin, who was standing next to me.


    "Yuzu wasn''t the only one who doubted my ability to cook," Karin said, her and Tatsuki depositing me in my seat. After making sure I was nice and comfy, she made her way around the table to her own seat next to Yuzu.


    Who still hasn''t blinked.


    "Also, dad told you to."


    Ichigo grumbled again, something about evil sisters and chicken shit dad''s. It made me wonder if Isshin purposely scheduled his meeting for tonight, just to get out of it. I figured he''d want to see me in pain, but maybe there were legal reasons to consider, since he was a doctor.


    "Sorry again, Ushio," Tatsuki apologized, as she took a seat beside me. And she actually looked like she meant it. I wasn''t particularly mad about it, but it did give me another opportunity to tease her.


    I completely ignored the fact that teasing her was part of what led to my current situation.


    "If you''re really sorry, why don''t you kiss it and make it better?" I asked. It took her a moment to process what I said, but when she did, her face turned crimson.


    "Huh!? K-kiss!? W-what the hell are you talking about!?"


    I grinned at her, rubbing the spot where she punched me, "It hurts real bad¡­ I don''t think I can last. Please Tatsuki?" I said in an overly dramatic voice. I even gave her the pouty lips for added effect.


    "I¡­ You¡­" she stammered, torn between flustered and angry, switching between the two, as she imagined herself doing exactly what I asked. She bit her lower lips as she stared at my stomach, contemplating what she should do.


    "Ahem!" interrupted us. Turning towards the sound of the voice, it was none other than Karin, giving us the stink eye. It was now my turn for my face to heat up. How did I keep forgetting there were other people here?


    "If you''re quite done?" Karin continued. Tatsuki and I looked at each other, before turning back to Karin, giving her a nod.


    "Good, then we can begin. You ready?"


    "...As ready as I''ll ever be," I responded. Looks like this was it, time to pay the piper. I hope whoever is watching this is enjoying the fucking show. Sick bastard.


    "Great! Then without further ado¡­" she said, placing her hand on top of the pot, gripping the lid. My butthole was once again clenched tight.


    "Wait," said Tatsuki. I felt my butthole unclench in relief. If things kept going like this, I would have rock hard glutes by the end of the night.


    "What is it?" asked Karin. Everyone turned to face Tatsuki. Everyone, except for a certain person.


    "What about Yuzu?" questioned Tatsuki. We all turned to stare at the girl who was still laser focused on the pot.


    "Oh yeah. One second," Karin said, before loudly clapping her hands in front of Yuzu''s face. The poor girl jumped about a foot in the air.


    "Huh!? What!? Karin!? What''s going on? Where am I?" she panicked, looking around, head looking like it was attached to a swivel. But her gaze eventually settled on her brother, "Oh, Ichigo! When did you get here?"


    We all had a sweatdrop as we watched the poor, confused girl. "He''s been here for a while now. Just how out of it were you?" asked Karin.


    "Oh, really?" Yuzu responded.


    "Yuzu, what''s the last thing you remember?" I asked. She adopted a thoughtful look on her face, " Lets'' see. I remember you and Tatsuki getting here. We were talking about school¡­ Then Karin came in with dinner¡­ Then everything goes blank."


    Yeah that checks out. With how hard she was glaring at the pot, it doesn''t surprise me she was blind to the rest of the world. Not sure if it was healthy to blank out like that though¡­ Well, as long as it doesn''t happen too often, it should be fine.


    And if it wasn''t, well¡­ It''s a good thing they own a clinic.


    "Well it''s good to have you back," I said, which only seemed to confuse her more. But she seemed happy by it, so, all''s well that ends well.


    Speaking of things ending well¡­ Or not in this case.


    "Great, now that Yuzu''s here, we can finally start the taste testing," Karin said with a grin.


    And there goes my butthole again.


    She reached for the pot lid, all of us staring at it in dread, wondering what would pop out of it. Would it be a demon? A tentacle monster? Cthulhu? The suspense was killing me!


    Just as her hand reached the lid, she immediately retracted it. "Oh wait! I forgot the rice! Hang on a sec." She then raced toward the kitchen, oblivious to the tension she left behind.


    I felt myself slump back against the chair, "Oh God, I can''t take it. The anticipation is killing me! I just want to get it over with!"


    The other gave me a look of pity, and Tatsuki even patted my shoulder with a, "There, there," to try and console me. It didn''t work.


    After a few seconds, Karin returned, holding a rice cooker. Well at least there was no way she could screw this up right?


    The looks on Yuzu''s and Ichigo''s faces did not instill me with confidence.


    "There we go. Ta da," Karin said as she removed the lid on the rice cooker. Steam poured out of it, obscuring my vision for a moment. But when it cleared, I felt my heart stop.


    "Um, Karin?" I asked.


    "Yeah?"


    "Why is the rice red?"


    Where I was expecting to see beautiful, pearly white rice, was instead, nothing but red. Every single grain looked like it was glowing an angry crimson.


    "Oh! Well since curry is supposed to be spicy, I thought, ''Why not make the rice spicy too?'' So I cooked it in hot sauce."


    What kind of brain did she have to make her think that was a good idea? It was so wrong, I couldn''t even put it into words. Pretty sure no one else knew what to say either.


    "Is that so¡­"


    "Yup! Here, let me get you some," she said, before taking a large, wooden spoon and scooping a heaping portion of it onto my plate. The potent, spicy aroma hit my nose like a punch from Mike Tyson, making my head spin.


    If that was just from the scent, what would it do to me once it was inside?


    "There you go. And now for the curry," she said, before finally taking the lid off of the curry pot.


    A deep, purple mist flew out of the top like it was steam escaping a boiler. If I thought the hit the rice gave me was something, it was nothing compared to this. Instead of a punch from Mike Tyson, it was more like a gorilla came up and started beating the shit out of me.


    I don''t understand. It wasn''t this bad earlier. I mean, sure it was strong, but this was something else. Is it because of the pot? Did that somehow increase its potency?


    But that wasn''t the only thing. As the lid was removed, I could once more hear the wailing of the damned. Like a rock ballad from the personal collection of Hades himself.


    Just what kind of curry is this?


    Karin used a ladle to scoop some of it out. I thought for sure the ladle would melt, but by some miracle, it held up. What, was it made from Beskar or something?


    As she flopped the slimy, gooey substance on my plate, I could swear I saw mouths forming in the chunks. I stared at the purple substance that was supposed to be food, as it slowly moved toward the rice.


    As the two of them touched, I could swear I heard it go, "Om nom nom," as the curry began to encapsulate the rice. Guess those were mouths after all. I was suddenly reminded of that movie, Hotel Transylvania, when the hot vampire girl was eating the scream cheese.


    Only, I didn''t have the choice to flee like Johnny.


    The curry began to glow, having somehow leveled up from eating the rice. As if I didn''t have enough problems.


    "There you go. I-I hope you like it," said Karin, who was now giving me a nervous, yet hopeful look. Damn it, that face killed me every time. I gave her the most convincing smile I could muster, "It looks good."


    And lied right through my teeth.


    +1 Affection to Karin Kurosaki (26/100)


    And now I feel bad. Karin gave another grin before she walked back to her chair, and then just stared at me. No pressure, right?


    I picked up the spoon and stared at the bubbling monstrosity before me. I carefully placed some of the so-called curry onto the utensil and lifted it from the plate. I could hear it screaming angrily at me.


    I looked at the others, beside Karin. No need to see that expectant face again. Not right now anyway. Yuzu was giving me a look of fear. Not that I could blame her. If it wasn''t for the fact that I would be shitting my pants later, I would do it right now.


    Tatsuki looked like she was actually contemplating what she would put on my tombstone. And while her consideration was appreciated, I had no plans to die today.


    But then again, who does?


    Ichigo was slowly shaking his head no, his eyes screaming at me, "Don''t do it!" they said. "You''ll die!" Too late my dude. The piper was calling, and it was time to pay him his due.


    But before I took the first bite, I decided to scan the thing.


    $#!*%$#


    Error¡­ Substance not known. Supposedly food.


    A concoction made by Karin Kurosaki for Player to taste test. It will never spoil.


    Effects


    -Food Poisoning


    Well, isn''t that just fantastic. Even the System didn''t know what the hell that thing was. And how could it never spoil? Just what did she make?


    I gave the thing on my spoon one last look before gathering all of my courage, and with shaking hands, placed it into my mouth.


    At first, there was nothing. No taste at all, just a peculiar texture. Slimy, yet gritty, clinging to every part of my mouth. Confused beyond all measure, I took my first actual bite.


    The chunk of what I assume was meat burst open, providing a whole new gooey sensation. Like it was filled with olive oil and grease. The meat itself was chewy and crunchy, taking all of my jaw muscles to get through.


    After several seconds, I was finally able to chew it up enough to swallow. I looked down at my body in confusion. Was that it? Was I worried for nothing?


    "S-so? How was it?" asked Karin. I turned to face her, gazing into the hopeful, expectant eyes of hers. I opened my mouth to speak, but was hit with a sudden case of vertigo that nearly sent me to the floor.


    You have been Poisoned


    Oh¡­


    There it is.

 Chapter 7

    The pain in my mouth was intense. Like hornets and fire ants made babies and I thought it was a good idea to shove them into my mouth. I half expected to be able to breathe fire, considering that''s what my mouth felt like.


    I could feel myself start to sweat, my face turning red, and every breath felt like I was inhaling burning hot sand. Karin said it was supposed to be spicy, and she wasn''t wrong.


    If I thought the room was spinning before, it was nothing compared to now. I wasn''t sure where one person began and the other one ended. It looked like Karin and Yuzu fused into one, with both heads sharing a body.


    Ichigo looked like his hair was on fire, and I''m almost positive I saw a unicorn standing behind him. But instead of the pure white steed in normal depictions, this one was black instead, and bleeding from its nose. It also looked like it had razor sharp teeth.


    I really hoped that was part of the hallucination, and it wasn''t really there. You could never know with anime, and it could have been a weird ass Hollow for all I know. But since it didn''t have a mask, I''m banking on the first option.


    Not only that, but the spinning of my head also brought forth a swirling vortex of colors, combining to form a rainbow of utter madness. The purple from the poisonous miasma spewing from the pot combined with the colors of the poster of Masaki Kurosaki and Ichigo''s bright and fiery hair, created a symphony of splendor for the eyes.


    But there was something even better. The best part of this whole experience had to be Tatsuki. Or should I saw, both Tatsuki''s, because there were two of them now. And they were both looking at me in concern.


    "Hey Ushio, are you ok?" asked the one on the left. I turned to face that one more directly and noticed something peculiar. Her clothes seem to be melting. Was it from the fire, or was the mist coming from the pot acidic?


    Aw, who cares. All that mattered to me at this point was the amount of succulent flesh being exposed. If I was in my right mind, I might have been a bit more gentlemanly about the whole thing, but alas, I was not.


    "Yeah¡­ yeah, I''m good. Like, so, so good," I mentioned, staring right at her chest. At this point her shirt was little more than tatters, and I could see the outline of her lacey undergarments. And even that was starting to melt.


    Close, it was so close. Soon, there would be nothing left, and I would glimpse the perky gates of nirvana. Was I drooling? It felt like I was drooling.


    "Are you sure?" asked the one on the right, as the last of her clothing melted away. But just as I was about to see the good stuff, the colorful swirls from before surrounded her, blocking my sight.


    "Hey! That''s not fair!" I shouted, much to everyone''s confusion. It was just getting good, damn it!


    "What''s not fair?" asked Karin. I turned to her, and thankfully, her clothes seemed to be just fine. So were Yuzu''s and Ichigo''s. It was only Tatsuki that was having the wardrobe malfunction. Thank god, that was not something I wanted to see.


    But her voice did manage to snap me out of the horny, hallucinogenic stupor I was in. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, the world coming back into focus. Though I would miss the pair of nearly naked Tatsuki''s, it was probably for the best, lest I do something stupid I couldn''t take back.


    Geez, what the hell was that? Hey System, mind giving me an explanation. You know, if it isn''t too much trouble?


    You were tripping balls.


    Yeah I know that! But what does that have to do with being poisoned?


    Hmm, it seems like there were other effects that were unaccounted for. How interesting.


    Well, I''m glad you''re so entertained. Knowing that really warms my cockles. Why don''t you tell me what poison is actually supposed to do?


    Fine, fine, if you insist.


    Poison


    Reduce Hp by 1 point every 15 seconds.


    While under the Poison Status, you cannot recover Hp by normal means.


    Poison remains until it is either cured or time runs out.


    Time remaining: 60 Minutes


    *Note*


    Some poisons may have other effects, such as hallucinations.


    Ok, so it was somewhat similar to Bleeding; makes sense. But wait, if it reduces my Hp by 1 point every 15 seconds, and I only have around 200 left, then that means¡­


    You are screwed.


    Well shit, that ain''t good. In fact, it was very bad. And I don''t mean just for me either. When Karin found out I was dead from food poisoning, how would that affect her? Poorly, I imagine. Enough to traumatize her forever.


    Hand on, when the Quest gets cleared, I get Poison Resistance, right? Maybe that will help me to not die. That was my only hope at this point.


    It will not be enough.


    Don''t take away my only hope you asshole! It''s all I got!


    It was at this time I realized everyone was still staring at me in various degrees of concern. Right, I forgot about where I was for a second. What was I doing? Oh right, tripping balls.


    "It''s uh, nothing Karin, don''t worry about it," I said, trying to come off as believable as I could. Not sure it worked though.


    "If you say so," she said, sounding unconvinced.


    "I''m fine, really. The curry was just a tad spicy is all," I reassured. Or tried to at any rate. I heard somebody''s labored breathing before realizing it was mine. Well that can''t be good.


    Also my stomach. My god it was in pain. And here I thought the spicy taste going in was painful, it didn''t hold a candle to this. I could only imagine what it would feel like coming out. Maybe it was a good thing I would be dead before that happens?


    Just a thought.


    "S-so, it wasn''t bad then?" asked Karin in a hopeful voice. Damn it, how was I supposed to tell her the truth now? And even if I did, would that be at all helpful? I mean, she made this abomination with Yuzu''s guidance. What chance did she have on her own?


    Or did she do everything she could to spite whatever advice Yuzu gave her in order to prove she could, in fact, cook? I have no idea, but I needed to find some way to steer her clear from the kitchen.


    "Well, I''d say it wasn''t bad for your first attempt," I started, trying to keep whatever was inside of me on the inside. But I could feel it, stirring beneath the surface, ready to burst. I felt like I did a good job of keeping the stutter from my voice.


    "Like I said, it was a tad on the spicy side, and the meat was a bit tough, but I''m sure you''ll get better if you keep trying. You know what they say, practice makes perfect after all," I finished.


    The others looked panicked by my statement, most likely questioning my sanity. Not that I could blame them, the damn pot was still producing the thick mist and moaning. It was just a step away from being classified as a biological weapon.


    +1 Affection to Karin Kurosaki (28/100)


    Karin released the breath she was holding as she listened to my critique. "I''m glad. See Yuzu! I told you I can cook," she told her sister in a haughty voice.


    Yuzu sighed in response, as she could clearly see the deadly cocktail her sister made, "Yeah, yeah, you win. Good job Karin."


    I swear I could hear sarcasm in her voice. It sounded a bit strange, coming from the overly kind girl, but at the same time, I couldn''t help the feeling of pride I felt upon hearing it. They grow up so fast.


    "So does anyone else want to try some?" she asked innocently. Everyone''s eyes widened in horror at the question. After seeing my reaction and looking at the aura it gave off, they wanted nothing to do with it.


    Cowards, the lot of them. Except for Yuzu, she gets a free pass. But the others¡­


    Well, I guess I can save them.


    "I thought you made this just for me," I said, forcing myself to take another bite, as the others watched in alarm. Can''t blame them, the first bite nearly took me out, and it was doing all it could to finish the job.


    Hang on, taking another bite isn''t going to make the poison worse is it? This isn''t going by Pok¨¦mon rules is it, where I get hit with Toxic and the damage increases every turn? I hope not, because normal poisoning already has me knocking on death''s door.


    Well too late now. And the burning''s back. Hooray! Just what I wanted to feel, fire ants in my mouth. But if I''m lucky, Tatsuki and her twin might strip for me again. Fingers crossed.


    Karin stared at me for a moment, before she sent a smug look to Yuzu, " I see. Don''t want to share it, huh?"


    "Something like that," I said, hoping the twitch on my face couldn''t be seen. I didn''t come this far just to fail now!


    +5 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (32/100)


    +5 Affection to Yuzu Kurosaki (24/100)


    +5 Affection to Ichigo Kurosaki (15/100)


    Guess they appreciated me convincing Karin to not give them any. "But you know, I don''t think I''ll be able to finish it all tonight. Got anything I can use to take the rest home with me?" I asked.


    Karin gained a thoughtful look, "Maybe. Hang on, I''ll go check."


    "Take your time," I said with a cheerful wave.


    "You owe me," I said to the others as soon as she was out of sight. But before they could answer, I gripped the table hard, trying not to throw up. I started coughing, which only made the burning in my mouth even worse.


    "H-hey, Ushio, you ok?" asked Tatsuki. I looked over at her and to my great joy, she once more had a twin. Only now, instead of their clothes melting off, they both looked like demonic versions of herself, complete with horns, wings, and a cute little tail.


    It looks like Tatsuki just equipped her succubus skin. Sweet, I thought that was Dlc only.


    "That depends, which one of you said that?" I asked, staring at what I thought was Tatsuki. I might have just been staring at a lamp, not entirely sure.


    "Huh? What do you mean which one?" she asked in a panic. But I couldn''t answer her, trying desperately as I was to keep the food down.


    "Tsk, he doesn''t look good. If he throws up, I''m not cleaning it," commented Ichigo. Gee thanks pal, your concern is very touching. Remind me to send him a postcard when I land in Soul Society.


    "Ushio¡­" said Yuzu, worried.


    After a minute or two, I was able to see clearly, which was kind of a disappointment. Tatsuki had just changed into a skintight, leather outfit, complete with whip. I would save that image for later¡­


    Never mind for what!


    "I''m good, I think," I said, finally getting my stomach and coughing under control. Looking around, I noticed Yuzu was missing. I refused to look in her or Ichigo''s direction in fear of what the hallucination might show me, so I missed her leaving.


    "Where''d Yuzu go?" I asked.


    "To get you something to drink. And possibly to raid her dad''s drug cabinet," responded Tatsuki. Oh, that''s good, because I was absolutely parched. The feeling of ant/wasp hybrids stinging me was no longer there, but there was a lingering heat. Not to mention my tongue felt like it shouldn''t fit inside my mouth.


    "That''s nice," I said, leaning back into my seat. Now all that was left was to watch my Hp slowly tick away to nothing. It was oddly peaceful. Not sure if that''s because I already died once, or because I knew about the Soul Society.


    If you encounter this tale on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    Hang on, would I even go there after death? Considering the Game System and the fact that I''m some kind of transmigratory being, is the afterlife even on the table?


    Hmm, you know what, I''m not sure. In a normal world you would most certainly perish, simple as that. But considering the importance of the afterlife in this one¡­ It''s difficult to say. How about you die and we can find out together?


    Hell no!


    Spoilsport.


    Screw you! I ain''t your damn guinea pig!


    Damn game system was going to make me have an aneurism. So living on in the next world wasn''t so assured huh? Guess I better make sure to try and live then.


    "Um, Ushio?" said a quiet voice next to me. Looking towards it, I was greeted to the sight of Yuzu, holding a glass of water in her hand.


    "Yeah? Is that for me?" I asked with a smile, though it may have been more of a grimace. She nodded her head, handing me the glass. I took it gratefully, thanking her as I did so, and proceeded to chug the whole thing.


    Normally, water didn''t have much of a taste, but this time it was especially bland. Must be the partial numbness I could feel in my mouth. Or my taste buds had burned off. Hopefully my bed could heal that.


    Finishing the water with a contented sigh, I once again thanked Yuzu, who gave me a beaming smile, "It was no trouble at all."


    I chuckled and gave her a head pat, which made her face turn crimson. She was too sweet for this world.


    +1 Affection to Yuzu Kurosaki (25/100)


    "Are you feeling better now?" she asked. I gave her a nod of reassurance, "Yeah, now that the burning in my mouth is gone." I didn''t mention the poison that was slowly but surely killing me, figuring that would also kill the mood.


    "I''m just glad you didn''t throw up on the floor," commented Ichigo. I gave him a deadpan stare, "Your concern is most touching."


    Yuzu''s face was more disappointed than anything, "That wasn''t very nice, Ichigo," she reprimanded. I don''t know how Ichigo was still standing after that. He must have built an immunity to her pouty face. I''m not sure I could live with myself if I''d been on the receiving end of her disappointment.


    "Well, at least you''re not dead," commented Tatsuki. It seems she forgot about my earlier comment when I asked which one. That was good. But her statement now was pretty insensitive, even if she didn''t know it.


    Considering I was, in fact, dying at the moment.


    "Just know, if I do die, I''m haunting you," I told her.


    "You better not!" she yelled back.


    "Why? Is there something you don''t want me to see," I kept teasing.


    "Everything!"


    "Aw, you''re breaking my heart Tatsuki."


    Yuzu gave a little giggle at our back and forth while Ichigo just smirked.


    It was about that time Karin made her return. She looked at Tatsuki and I bickering but chose to ignore it. "I couldn''t find anything big enough to hold the curry and rice, so you can just take the pot home with you and return it when you''re done," she said.


    "Sounds good," I said with fake cheer. Frankly speaking, I didn''t want that demonic brew anywhere near my home, even if I kept it in my Inventory. Hell, I didn''t want to put it in there either on the off chance it could reach across the dimensional barrier and infect my other items.


    Especially my bed. I don''t want that to get cursed.


    She then looked down to my plate, you know, the one I only took two bites from, and gave me an expectant stare. Well, shit. Hope the tap doesn''t run dry, because I''m about to be a thirsty boy.


    Several minutes and several pitchers of water later, I was finally finished with my meal. I stared up at the wall, nearly comatose. With how spicy the curry was, I''m a little surprised it hasn''t burnt a hole in my intestines yet. Or maybe it had and I just can''t feel it.


    "I can''t believe you finished it¡­ What kind of stomach do you have?" asked Tatsuki, staring at me in wonder. I was in so much pain I couldn''t even enjoy the fact that there were three of her now.


    I tried to answer her, most likely sarcastically, but all that came out was a burp. Thankfully, my mouth and throat were both quite numb at this point, so I didn''t feel a thing.


    It was like I swallowed all the Novocain at the dentist.


    "Guess you''re tougher than you look," said Ichigo, sounding somewhat impressed. I choose to take that as a compliment.


    "I''ll go and clean your plate," said Yuzu, who picked up my plate like it was diseased, holding it as far away from herself as she could. Guess that just about wraps it up. Only problem is, I haven''t received my Quest rewards yet, so that means I haven''t completed it yet.


    What else do I have to do? Swallow actual bees? Because if so, now would be the time to do it with my mouth numb and all.


    With dinner finally done, or at least my dinner, and Ichigo ordering the rest a pizza, there was only one thing left to do¡­


    Convince Karin to never cook again. Now I just needed to figure out how to make that happen. This conversation might very well be the thing that saves this world from ruin.


    Actually, that gives me an idea, maybe I should try and give some of this stuff to Aizen. Shove it right down his smug hole. I don''t know if it will take him out, but it''s worth a shot.


    But that''s something for future me to figure out. Current me needs to find a way to prevent further tragedy. I just need to figure out how.


    Looking around, discreetly, I tried to find some inspiration, something to help me guide her in another direction. But what?


    That''s when I spotted it, a picture of Karin with what looks like her and her soccer team. Come to think of it, didn''t she mention something about them meeting up for practice to shake off the summer laziness?


    ¡­That''s it! There''s my in. Now, I just need to do this carefully. No pressure, it''s just the fate of the world at stake, you can do this.


    "So, Karin," I started, though the sound was a bit garbled, considering my slightly swollen lips. Did I mention it felt like the demonic offspring of fire ants and bees were playing house in my mouth? I felt like I have.


    "Yeah? What''s up?" she responded, sipping on some tea, waiting for the pizza to get here. Come to think of it, did she never taste test her own food? She must not have, or this dinner would have likely been at the hospital.


    Or just in the other room, considering they run a clinic.


    "How''s soccer been going? You mentioned shaking off the summer rust, didn''t you?" I asked. She seemed to perk up at the mention of her favorite sport, before she looked down in slight shame and regret.


    Damn, I didn''t think my question would have that effect. Now I feel like an asshole.


    "Actually, I haven''t been going. Cooking took up all my time," she said. Yeah, that made sense. I can only imagine what her first attempt must have looked like if this was her best. I figure I have a 50/50 shot of there being some kind of mutant blob roaming the sewers.


    "I see. Did you at least enjoy cooking?" I asked next. She seemed to think about it for a moment, before responding. Tatsuki was looking at me like, ''What are you doing?''


    ''Trust me'' I mouthed back. Not sure if she did, but she didn''t say anything, which was good enough for me.


    "Um, I don''t know. I guess? It was a lot harder than I thought it would be," she admitted, though seemingly reluctantly. It was probably easier without Ichigo or Yuzu in the room. Tatsuki was like her big sister, so she didn''t mind sharing things with her, and she didn''t feel the need to put up as much of a front with her either, unlike with the others.


    "That''s true. Getting good at something takes a lot of effort. It''s always best to focus on what you enjoy. That way, you''re more likely to stick with it," I told her. She seemed to think about my words, mulling them over in her head. Tatsuki also seemed to catch on to my plan, her eyes sparkling with hope.


    "That makes sense, I guess. So you''re saying I should just stick with soccer then?" she asked, looking at me. I thought about how to say this, since I didn''t want to hurt her feelings.


    "I''m saying it''s best to put all your focus on one thing. ''He who chases two rabbits catches none'' after all. If you spend all your time in the kitchen, you won''t be able to spend time with your friends playing soccer. Is that what you want?"


    Karin thought about it, and it was time to bring it home, "Just picture yourself in the future. What would you rather be doing?"


    She seemed to do just that, but for some reason, she started blushing. I think it was best for all parties involved, I don''t know what she was imagining.


    "I do miss playing soccer. And I was just doing this to prove to my sister that I could cook, and I did that. I guess I can leave the cooking to her from now on," she decided.


    +5 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (37/100)


    It was so hard not to snicker at the relieved face she was making. I''m sure I''ll get similar gains to the others Affection score when they learn of it.


    "There you go. And if you ever do decide to cook again, I''ll be happy to taste test it for you," I lied. Right through my teeth. Now I just had to hope she never tried this again, but for some reason, I had my doubts.


    You know, because of the whole, cosmic entertainment thing.


    +1 Affection to Karin Kurosaki (29/100)


    "You got it!" she said. With that, I heard the familiar ding sound indicating a System notification. Awesome, that means I completed the Quest! Normally I wouldn''t accept the rewards in front of people, but I needed that Poison Resistance Skill, pronto.


    -Quest Complete-


    Eat up!


    In order to prove to her sister that she can cook, Karin has decided to make a dish and use you as the guinea pig. And she expects a 5 Star review.


    Reward


    -Gain 100 Exp


    -Gain 2 Vitality


    -Gain 10 Affection with Karin


    -Poison Resistance


    Hidden Objective


    Convince Karin to give up on her culinary pursuits. It sounds mean, but it''s what''s best for the world.


    Hidden Reward


    -Gain 150 Exp


    -Silver Tongue Title


    -Gain 3 Vitality


    -Ability Upgrade Token


    Silver Tongue


    You are gifted in the art of gab. Increases the odds of convincing others with your words.


    *Effect when Equipped*


    Increases odds of people following your suggestions or believing you by 25%


    Nice, I got a sweet Title that will help me bullshit my way across the universe. Nothing wrong with that, and I swear to use it only for good¡­


    More importantly was Poison Resistance, which I could already feel working. My stomach was a whole 1% less in pain. I know it doesn''t sound like much, but I was thrilled by it.


    Poison Resistance (1/100)


    Reduces the damage you take from Poison by 1%


    Reduces the chance of becoming Poisoned by 1%


    Now if it would just gain about 50 Levels or so, I might not die. But considering the only way to upgrade it was to get Poisoned, or possibly resist being Poisoned, I wasn''t feeling very reassured.


    Especially because my Hp was so low. Thank you Tatsuki¡­


    But beyond that, it was time for me to hit the old dusty trail. I wanted to spend my final moments in peace and quiet, fighting off giant rats in my apartment. One final victory before finding out if Soul Society would accept my soul or not.


    "Well it''s been fun, but I think it''s time for me to head out," I told them. Karin looked a bit disappointed, but Tatsuki seemed to understand. She knew I had a hot date with the toilet and the two of us were about to get very intimate.


    "I guess it is getting a bit late. What about you Tatsuki?" she asked, staring at the older girl. She gave the young girl a grin, "I''m not leaving until I get some pizza!"


    I chuckled at her enthusiasm, before standing up, wobbling slightly. The poison was making my muscles feel weaker. I hadn''t noticed it much until I had to stand, but it was obvious now.


    Shit¡­ would I even be able to make it home at this rate? Actually, going to the hospital to get my stomach pumped was probably a better idea. If I get the contents out of my stomach, and they give me some medicine, I just might make it out of this alive.


    "Don''t do anything I wouldn''t do," I told Tatsuki. She rolled her eyes at me, grin never leaving her face, "That seems like a pretty short list."


    I chuckled as I started making my way to the door, pot of poison in my hands. God forbid I forget that and leave it here, "Goodnight, ladies. I''ll see you tomorrow."


    "See ya," said Tatsuki.


    "Night," said Karin.


    I heard the two of them start to talk about something, pretty sure it was about the new Karate lessons they''d be getting. Or, we''d be getting, I guess, depending on if I survive the night.


    I bid goodnight to Yuzu from the kitchen entrance, and she responded in kind before returning to scrubbing the dirty plates in the sink. She was also wearing the same gas mask as Karin was earlier.


    Best not to think about it.


    Heading outside, I noticed none other than Ichigo standing there, seemingly talking to someone, trying to get them to go away. Probably a spirit of some kind, because I couldn''t see anyone.


    "Hey, what are you doing out here?" I asked, not bringing up the fact that he looked like he was talking to himself. He turned to look at me, small bits of concern hidden by his usual scowl. Damn, I must look like shit if even he was concerned about me.


    Or maybe it was just the pot in my hand, that was still making noise. Pretty sure the curry inside was still trying to escape. Hopefully, it will die soon.


    "Needed some fresh air," he responded. I nodded, fully understanding where he was coming from. The house smelled absolutely terrible, and I''m pretty sure the poster of their mother was even wrinkling her nose in disgust.


    "Well if it makes you feel better, I''m pretty sure I convinced Karin to give up cooking for the most part to pursue soccer," I said, coming to stop beside him, even as I lost another Hp.


    +5 Affection to Ichigo Kurosaki (20/100)


    The look of relief on his face was so similar to Tatsuki I couldn''t keep the smirk off my face.


    "Good to know," he stated simply.


    "Anyway, I''m heading out. I''ll see you at school tomorrow," I told him, unable to keep the depression from my tone. I really wasn''t looking forward to that. School had a way of sucking the life out of you.


    "You sure you''re alright?" he asked. I gave him a nod, appreciating the concern, "Yeah, I''ll be fine. I think I''ll get my stomach pumped at the hospital after dropping this off at home, just to be on the safe side. Don''t tell Karin though."


    +1 Affection to Ichigo Kurosaki (21/100)


    +5 Affection to Yuzu Kurosaki (30/100)


    Huh, look at that. Yuzu must have just found out that Karin wouldn''t be destroying the kitchen anymore. And my Poison Resistance went up a Level as well. Nice.


    "Thanks for humoring her. I don''t know what''s gotten into her," Ichigo told me. Looks like he didn''t know about her little crush on me. Well, I''m sure as hell not going to tell him. That''s not a fight I want or need.


    "No problem. Oh hey, looks like the Pizza''s here," I said, pointing at the delivery car approaching.


    "About time," he said. I honestly don''t see how he could have an appetite at the moment, but I guess a growing boy needs to eat.


    "Well, I better get this out of the way before the delivery guy smells it, or he might just drive past," I said, indicating the pot in my hand. He made a face of revulsion at the pot, making me snicker slightly. He was just lucky he didn''t have to eat it.


    "Right, good call," Ichigo said. Starting to think he was more worried about his dinner than me. Whatever, I''m way too tired to care.


    With a final goodbye, I set off for the hospital. I may have told Ichigo I''m dropping the pot off at home, but really, I just need to put it in my inventory, as reluctant as I am to do so.


    But the hospital was still a fair ways away, and as much as I would have liked to Sprint there, that wasn''t going to happen. I could barely walk as it is, running was completely out of the question.


    No, I just needed to stumble around in the dark until I reached my destination, whether that be heaven or hell.


    Once I was out of sight, I placed the pot of so-called curry into my Inventory, making the trudge through the streets somewhat easier. The extra Level to Poison Resistance helped as well. The Skill was leveling up pretty fast, reaching Level 3 already, but not nearly fast enough.


    Hence the need for a stomach pump.


    I eventually managed to make it to the train track, meaning the hospital wasn''t too far away now. It was just a hop, skip and a jump away from the station after all.


    Come to think of it, the hospital and the Kurosaki Clinic were closer than I thought, though at the moment, it felt like a hundred miles. I know they were technically in different city districts, but it still struck me as odd.


    However, considering my current condition, I shouldn''t be looking a gift horse in the mouth.


    I followed along the train tracks, slowly but surely making steady progress. At this rate, I should reach the hospital before my Hp reaches 50. That''s good, because I have no idea how long the wait time is. Hopefully they''ll see I''m at death''s door and get me in immediately, but I won''t put my faith in the healthcare system.


    However, that''s when I spotted something strange. Laying there, face down in the dirt, was a body. I couldn''t make out many details, only that it looked like a young girl, about Karin and Yuzu''s size, with blonde hair done in pigtails.


    Well shit, I can''t in good conscience not investigate. If I just left her there, the guilt would nag at me until the end of time. So with a sigh, I made my way towards the body.


    Curse me and my bleeding heart.

 Chapter 8

    Hoo boy, nothing like walking down some train tracks in the middle of the night while poison slowly kills you from the inside. How invigorating!


    No, that''s not right¡­ What''s the opposite of invigorating?


    Debilitating. That''s the word I was looking for. Walking down train tracks in the middle of the night while poison slowly kills you from the inside is debilitating.


    And man, let me tell you, it was really starting to kick my ass. The world blurred more and more with each passing second, and my jelly legs turned into pudding about twenty feet back.


    Was breathing always this hard? I don''t remember it being this hard. Man getting poisoned sucks. Cranks up breathing to the same difficulty as a 40 year old chain smoker.


    My poor, pretty pink lungs¡­


    Lungs were pink right? Or was that the liver? Were all organs pink? Did it even matter? I guess it would if they were pink when they weren''t supposed to be.


    What was I doing again?


    Oh right, the body face down and booty up. It was still so far away. Was I even getting any closer? Because it sure didn''t feel like it. Shitty walking simulator, I want a refund!


    Stopping about 10 feet or so from the body, I think, it was hard to tell with my vision blurry and my depth perception on the fritz, I placed my hands on my knees to take a break and keep myself from falling over.


    I haven''t felt this out of shape since that one summer I ate nothing but pop tarts and pizza pockets. You know, girls say they like the dad bod, but that''s total BS. No chick was lining up to feel my jiggles.


    Rock hard abs on the other hand¡­


    Ok, they still didn''t line up, but I knew they wanted to! It was in their eyes!


    Standing up straight, with my breathing slightly less erratic, I turned my gaze to the figure on the ground. It was hard to make out anything concrete, her whole figure was little more than a blob of color, but she seemed vaguely familiar.


    To be honest, I say that about a lot of blondes. But this time I was serious. Trying to think of anyone who fits the description, my mind drew a blank. And even if it could draw better, it would probably be a blurry mess right now anyway.


    With the poison in my veins, I doubted I had the motor functions to draw anything with clarity. Probably turn into a Picasso or something. Not flattering in the least, and with all the super powered women in this world, I definitely wanted them flattered.


    Or I might end up flattened.


    I took another step forward, making sure to keep my balance. But when the ground felt like an earthquake was happening, it proved to be somewhat difficult.


    However, I persevered, taking one wobbly step after another, until I was within spitting distance of the body.


    Not that I planned to spit on her or anything. How fucked up would that be?


    But it was here, at the very end, with my goal so very near, that I made a fatal mistake. You know, besides eating obviously deadly curry. No, this mistake was far less obvious, but no less deadly. For you see, in my haste to exercise my chivalrous spirit, I didn''t pay enough attention to my next step.


    And tripped over a pebble. Not a rock, not a stone, a pebble.


    A goddamn pebble¡­


    Are you fucking kidding me! Those were my last, oh so eloquent thoughts before hitting the ground face first, and my world going black.


    Hello darkness my old friend¡­


    I woke up an unknown amount of time later, with my nose still throbbing. "Ow, ow, ow," I griped as I forced myself to my knees. I looked at my hand, checking for blood.


    Good news, no blood.


    Bad news, it was see through.


    And that wasn''t the only thing, oh no. For you see, upon the ground lay my very own body. I, however, was no longer inside of it. It looks as if I did in fact die, and was now a spirit.


    You''d think that would make me panic, but instead, I just felt relieved the all encompassing pain in my stomach was gone. Also I could see clearly once more, so that was plus #2 from being dead.


    So far, death was a fairly pleasant ordeal. Not bad at all.


    Standing up, which was this side of creepy, considering my legs were coming out of my back. I gingerly stepped out of my own body, a slight feeling of revulsion hitting me. Just the image of my legs growing out of my back sent shivers up and down my spine. It sounded like a two-bit, budget friendly horror monster. A bootleg SCP.


    If I was going to turn into a monster, I intended to be AAA quality. I would settle for nothing less!


    That being said, let''s check out my new spirit body. Turning around every which way I tried to inspect every inch of me. Honestly, it wasn''t much different besides the fact that I was now wearing a white kimono thing. What were they called again? Shika something or other?


    Don''t know, can''t remember. Also, I felt a bit lighter, almost like I dropped some weight.


    Get it, because I''m a ghost?


    ¡­Moving on!


    With my new found lightness, I decided to try and jump, just to see how high I could go. Turns out, it''s pretty high. I easily cleared the 8 foot fence that was supposed to prevent me from entering the area I was in, which was thankfully cut by some delinquents, allowing me easy access.


    Which was good, since there was no way I could have climbed that thing in my condition.


    I landed with a soft thump, fists raised to the sky in triumph. Man, being in a spirit body rocks! I feel so much stronger now! That got me thinking¡­ Didn''t Ichigo get significantly stronger when he was in his Soul Reaper form? Probably had something to do with his Reiryoku, or maybe his Spirit Stat.


    Perhaps the same could be said for me. Might as well check my Stats and see for myself.


    <u>Ushio Tenma</u>


    Level: 5 (250/500)


    Health: 365/792


    Stamina: 260/427


    Reiryoku:528/528


    Strength: 61 (86)


    Agility: 21 (46)


    Vitality: 32 (57)


    Intelligence: 12


    Wisdom: 22


    Spirit: 25


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 11


    Holy cow, looks like I was right! The Spirit Stat definitely plays a significant role here. Looks like it straight up gets added to my physical Stats, sweet! Makes sense, I guess, considering I was in a spiritual body now.


    I looked myself over once more, flexing my muscles a bit. They didn''t look any different, but according to the System, I just gained a significant boost. Judging from that, it would make sense to put my unused Stat Points into Spirit, considering I''ll mostly be fighting in this form in the future.


    Just as I was about to do so, I stopped. While that seemed like the best strategy at the moment, there was a chance it could backfire on me horribly. I should consider all my options before diving into the deep and like a total doof.


    There was one other thing I noticed about my new body, it was missing something. Something that was vital to the functions of this world. My Chain of Fate was nowhere to be found.


    ¡­That can''t be good right? Didn''t that thing bind a person to their body or something? I know I was near death, but I hadn''t kicked the bucket just yet. There was still a chance I wouldn''t die.


    Hang on¡­


    Death¡­


    Thinking about it, I did die, didn''t I? That was the whole reason I was here in the first place. The life was stabbed out of me by a tweaker. Thinking about it that way, it kind of made sense.


    For thinking things through logically and coming to the correct conclusion, you gain 1 Intelligence and 1 Wisdom.


    I see, so I was right. Cool, I''ll take the Stat gains, all day everyday. But now there''s another worry festering around in my head. Wouldn''t that mean my living body is basically a Gigai? Nothing more than a skin suit I wear to appear human?


    Not sure how I feel about this. It was bad enough knowing I was in the body of my universal counterpart, but this was on another level. Hell, was I even still human at this point?


    "Deep breaths Ushio, deep breaths. You''re fine, everything is fine, nothing to worry about," I told myself, breathing deeply from the pool of copium.


    This didn''t change much. Even if I was technically a spirit, I''m still me. Still the same old Ushio. The world is my oyster, I just need to crack that bitch open.


    That''s right, being dead wouldn''t stop me. I wouldn''t let a little thing like that slow me down! It tried and failed before, and this would be no different!


    Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.


    Right, with that little existential crisis sorted out, it was time to figure out how to get back inside my body. Looking down at it, I couldn''t help the apprehension that welled up. It wasn''t because it was essentially a Gigai that stopped me, no, it was because of the poison coursing through its veins.


    My veins, technically.


    In my fancy smancy ghost body, I couldn''t feel the effects of the poison anymore. Guess that was because it was infecting my physical body and not my spiritual one. Though, the damage it did seemed to transfer over, I at least didn''t want to vomit anymore and my vision wasn''t all blurry.


    Hang on, was my body even still alive at this point? I mean, what was a body without a soul? Just a pile of meat and bones and other gross stuff. Like a puppet without any strings to guide it.


    Oh, but this does solve the issue of what happens to me if I die, doesn''t it? Looks like there was an afterlife waiting for me after all. That''s a load off. Doesn''t mean I''m ready to depart just yet, but it was nice to know I wouldn''t be cast into oblivion when I die.


    You do realize you haven''t actually died yet, right? Your physical body is still breathing, although barely. So who knows what would happen if it does perish with you inside it.


    Well, well, well, I see you''ve come to poop on my parade system. How nice to see you. But if you don''t mind, kindly shut the hell up. I was enjoying a worry free existence until you opened your fat mouth.


    I do not have a mouth.


    You know what I mean! Damn you, I was almost over one of my existential crises, and you just had to ruin it, didn''t you? Just couldn''t let me have a bit of peace of mind, could you?


    Fine, fine have it your way. I''ll allow you to freak out in solitude. But before I go, weren''t you supposed to be checking on someone?


    Checking on someone? What was he¡­?


    Looking down once again, I spotted a body, laying face down on the ground. A short, petite girl, with blonde hair done in pigtails, wearing a dark red tracksuit. Which was a relief, considering I thought it was blood when my vision was all blurry.


    Oh right¡­ That''s what I was doing over here instead of going to the hospital. I completely forgot after the shock of ending up a spirit. Kinda makes me feel like an ass.


    You are an ass.


    I thought I put you on airplane mode!? When it didn''t respond again after a minute, I nodded my head in satisfaction. Good, now to check on the girl.


    Of course, no good deed goes unpunished. As I approached the body, which thankfully wasn''t very far, I just so happened to stub my toe on a rock. Stubbed it real good. As I hopped up and down, holding my toe to ease the pain, I then landed on another rock.


    My foot went sideways and I''m almost positive it was sprained. Kind of not fair that a spiritual body could sprain an ankle, but whatever. However, that wasn''t the worst part of this cartoon-like escapade. You see, when I landed on that rock, I also fell, landing right on top of the body.


    At least it wasn''t a pebble this time.


    "Ow¡­ Damn it that hurt. Stupid rocks, what asshole put¡­ them¡­ there¡­?" I asked, while forcing myself to my hands and knees. But something was wrong. My voice¡­ It was decidedly feminine.


    Jumping to my feet, I looked myself over, and to my horror, I was no longer in my own body. When I tripped and fell on the girl, I must have entered her body by accident. I stared at my much smaller hands in shock.


    How? Why? This shouldn''t be possible, not if she was still alive. Wait, did that mean she was dead, and I''m now wearing a dead girl''s body!?


    No! This is not how this story is supposed to turn out! How am I supposed to have Big Dick Energy if I don''t even have a dick?


    Was that the most important thing to be worried about right now? You''re goddamn right it was! I haven''t even got to use that bad boy yet, and now I''m in the body of a small, blonde haired woman!


    Curse you Being X!


    I needed to find a way out of this body, so I began inspecting it, my hands started roaming over every inch of it. Like I thought, she was rather petite, but she has a surprisingly ample chest. And the booty¡­ not bad at all.


    This would be so much more fun if I was in my own body. Feeling me grope myself was a bit weird, especially since these aren''t the normal places I would grope.


    But just whose body was I in, and how did I get inside of it in the first place. Perhaps I should check my handy dandy game system and find out.


    <u>Ushio Tenma</u>


    Level: 5 (250/500)


    Health: 365/792


    Stamina: 260/427


    Reiryoku:528/528


    Strength: 105


    Agility: 160


    Vitality: 120


    Intelligence: 12


    Wisdom: 22


    Spirit: 25


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 11


    I stared at the Stats in front of me with wide eyes. How in the hell was this tiny, waif of a girl stronger than me? My biceps were bigger than her head! It didn''t make any sense!


    Not to mention my Hp, Stamina, and Reiryoku didn''t increase at all from the increased Stats. Was it because they were tied to my soul and not necessarily my body?


    System, explain!


    ¡­


    Are you serious right now? Is this because I told you to shut up? This is not the time for this! I''m freaking out here! She shouldn''t be this strong! It was impossible!


    Unless she was a soul reaper or something. Who do I know that has blonde hair in pigtails, with a short, slender physique? A loli, some might say. I could feel the answer on the tip of my tongue.


    Too bad there wasn''t any mirror nearby. That would have been real helpful right about now.


    I frowned as nothing came to mind, and that''s when I felt something strange in my mouth. Like I had an overly large tooth. I felt around with my tongue and sure enough, I had a massive canine on the left side of my mouth.


    Hang on a second¡­ Short¡­ Blonde¡­ Snaggletooth¡­.


    Oh crap! I was in the body of-


    "Hey, what the hell do you think you''re doing?" asked a very angry voice from behind me. Turning around slowly, almost robotically, I saw the very same person I was just thinking of.


    Standing there with her arms crossed, wearing an exact replica of the outfit I was currently wearing, only this one had a katana strapped to her back, was none other than Hiyori Sarugaki.


    And she did not look happy.


    "Well¡­ I''m waiting," she growled.


    "Uh¡­" I responded with all my intelligence. It was still weird, hearing her voice coming out of my mouth. I doubt it was something I''d ever get used to, and hopefully, I wouldn''t have to.


    Her eyes narrowed at my response, and her eyes traveled downward. A fierce blush lit up her face, one born from embarrassment and righteous, female fury. Following her gaze, I realized I made a bit of an oopsie.


    I was still groping her chest.


    But I mean, come on, I''m a guy! I couldn''t help it! Boobies were right there! It was a temptation no straight man would be able to resist. It wasn''t my fault, it was biology!


    Biology I tell you!


    Somehow, I don''t think she thought the same way about it as I do. She pointed at me, shouting, "Hey! Get your hands off there you pervert!"


    I looked down at where my hands were still on her chest, and against my will, I gave them another squeeze. I just couldn''t help it! It was an involuntary reaction!


    -5 Affection gain to Hiyori Sarugaki (-5/100)


    Ah shit, that sucks. I would have to find some way to make it up to her in the future, assuming I survived that is. But judging by the look on her face, that was seeming less and less likely.


    "That''s it, you are so dead!" she shouted at me again, before disappearing from my sight and reappearing right in front of me, grabbing the front of my shirt, and staring directly into my eyes.


    Damn that was fast! She must have used Soru. Wait, wrong anime¡­ Flash Step, that was it! She must have used Flash Step!


    Well, at least with her grabbing me like this I wasn''t able to grope her anymore. So maybe that would help calm her down.


    "Wait! I''m in your body! Hitting me would only hurt you!" I yelled, seeing her bring her fist back to punch me into next week. Thankfully, she wasn''t so far gone she didn''t hear me, and she hesitated to break my nose.


    Or her nose, technically.


    She growled, and let me go, making me sigh in relief. I did not want to get hit by somebody with her strength. Speaking of, perhaps I should start the Scan. No reason not to, right?


    "Then get out already!" she shouted, no less hostility in her tone. Damn, not out of the woods yet. But I''m sure she''s a reasonable person and I can explain exactly what happened, and we can put this whole mess behind us.


    Right?


    "I would if I could, but I don''t know how! This was an accident," I told her. She gave me a skeptical look, clearly not believing me.


    "Accident huh? Nice try, asshole, I saw where your hands were! You call that an accident!?"


    "More like an involuntary reaction," I responded.


    "Looked pretty voluntary to me, baldy," she countered. How did she know I was bald? I don''t think she''s seen my body yet, so how?


    Oh right, she calls everyone a baldy doesn''t she? But in this case, it was actually true.


    "Look, I''m sorry. When I suddenly found myself in the body of a hot girl, I couldn''t help myself," I said. Hopefully she was like Tatsuki and enjoyed having her ego stroked.


    +2 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (-3/100)


    Yes, it worked! I was slightly less likely to die now!


    Hiyori''s face lit up red once more, "Y-you think saying something like that will get you off the hook?"


    You know, I''m starting to think I have some kind of special power that attracts the tomboy types. This is the third one so far. At least I was getting good at recognizing what made them tick.


    "No, I was just trying to explain myself. I''m Ushio by the way, nice to meet you," I said, holding my hand out to her for her to shake. Or, holding her hand out to her, technically. It was pretty weird, not gonna lie.


    "Hiyori, nice to meet you-wait a minute!" she shouted, as she reached for my hand. She jumped back, pointing an accusing finger at me. "Just what game do you think you''re playing at!?"


    I was genuinely confused by her accusation. I tilted her head in confusion, "Uh, what are you talking about?" I asked.


    "Trying to butter me up so I won''t kill you! Well it won''t work, now get out of my body!" she shouted.


    You know, she wasn''t completely wrong. Probably best not to tell her that though.


    "I already told you, I don''t know how. I''d love to return to my own body if I could," I said.


    "Your own body?" she asked, confused. Looking around, she finally seemed to notice my own body laying there. "Huh, so you''re an actual baldy¡­" she muttered.


    +1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (-2/100)


    Hang on, did Hiyori actually have a thing for bald guys? Could this woman be my soul mate?


    "Sure am. I fell down there and the next thing I know, I''m a spirit. Then I tripped on a rock and fell right into your body," I explained.


    "Is that right?" she asked. I raised an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Alarm bells started ringing in my head.


    "Uh yeah, so if you know a way to return me to my own body, I''d really appreciate it," I said. But it seemed like she wasn''t paying all that much attention to me, her entire focus on my body. I know I''m sexy and all, but this was a little much.


    "I have a better idea¡­" she said, turning to me with that wide, snaggletooth grin. Oh, that can''t be good. She''s scheming something, and I have a sneaking suspicion it involves my body.


    "Oh, and what would that be?" I asked, nervously. If anything, her grin got even bigger.


    "I think I''ll take your body for a test drive. See how you like it, baldy," she said.


    My eyes widened at that. She couldn''t be serious, could she? I thought she was just going to draw on my face or something, not jack my body. Not to mention the current state it was in.


    "Uh, I don''t think that would be the best idea," I said, hoping to dissuade her. But it seems like she was determined to do this, taking a coy step towards my body.


    "Oh, and why is that?" she asked, stopping right next to it.


    "Well, I kind of have food poisoning. It''s the whole reason I collapsed in the first place," I told her. She raised an eyebrow at me, and turned to look at my body. For a second, I thought she would give up and maybe go get some help. Or at the very least, lead me there.


    But no. It seems I underestimated her bullheadedness. "Nice try, baldy. But that excuse won''t work on me. If you were really sick, why would you be all the way out here?"


    Ok, she had a point. It didn''t make a whole lot of sense when she put it that way. And for some reason I doubted she would buy that a sick guy would wander over here to check on a random body either. Nobody was that altruistic.


    Except for my dumbass.


    So I could do little more than watch as she stepped on my body, which was just plain rude by the way, and disappeared inside of it.


    This won''t end well.


    After a few seconds, her eyes opened, and she stood up with a grin. I know I should be angry, but it was kind of neat to see my own body from this perspective. Not gonna lie, I was even hotter than I thought. Mirrors do not do me justice.


    "How do you like that, huh?" she asked, in my voice. I raised an eyebrow as she stood there, with her hands on my hips. That pose did not suit me at all.


    I sighed as I held my hand up, counting down from five.


    "5¡­"


    "4¡­"


    "3¡­"


    "2¡­"


    "1¡­"


    "What are you doing?" she asked. But when I reached 0, my body that she hijacked seemed to react. Hiyori clutched my stomach in agony, and I could swear I heard gurgling sounds coming from it.


    "Ah, what the hell?" she asked. Her teeth were clenched tight as she tried to fight off the sudden pain. She looked at me in confusion.


    "I tried to tell you," I said, nonchalantly.


    She glared at me, before her eyes widened and she covered my mouth with her hand. It didn''t take a genius to figure out what was about to happen. Seconds later, Hiyori was throwing up my dinner.


    I sighed as I walked over to her, and began to rub my back, trying to offer what little comfort I could. Aren''t I a nice guy?


    Honestly, I''m just glad it''s not me. She also sort of had it coming. I know I groped her body and everything, but that wasn''t exactly intentional. Her diving into my body, even after I warned her, was entirely her fault.


    "I''m going to kill you," she threatened, before expelling the contents of my stomach once again. I sighed and continued to rub her/my back.


    This was going to be a long night.

 Chapter 9

    I watched with a morbid sense of fascination as Hiyori moved around in my body. She was still bent over, dry heaving the last of my dinner out of my stomach. It smelled much worse the second time, trust me.


    Eventually, Hiyori finished her little upchuck session, though she still looked pretty green. Can''t really blame her though, I looked the same not too long ago. And I mean exactly the same, considering she was in my body.


    "Oh god, what did you eat?" she questioned with a groan. That seemed to be the wrong thing to do as she went back to her dry heaves. "Curry," I said simply as I continued to rub her back.


    She gave me a look of disbelief, and I couldn''t blame her for that either. She clearly had no idea what Mystery Food X was. But she was learning, even if she didn''t want to.


    "What kind of curry does this to a person?" she questioned, finally able to stand up straight. I could only shrug my shoulders, not really sure myself. I suppose I could show her the pot, which I could hear moaning even from my Inventory, but that would require an explanation I wasn''t ready to give.


    Hiyori managed to get her breathing under control, wiping the last of the vomit from her mouth. At this point I kind of wanted to leave her in my body for a while, at least until the taste was completely gone, but I doubted she would go for that.


    "So now what? Are you trapped in my body now?" I asked. She gave me a look that suggested my mother had relations with a dodo bird.


    "Of course not, I can leave it any time," she said, with a smug attitude.


    "So you just wanted to keep throwing up?" I asked what I thought was a very valid question. After all, if she could leave at any time, why did she stick around to keep throwing up?


    Unless she was into that sort of thing¡­ Maybe she wasn''t my soul mate after all.


    Her face, or rather my face, turned beat red at the question. Which was really an accusation. "S-shut up! I just couldn''t concentrate! You think I want to be in your big gross body!? As if!"


    Now that was just uncalled for. "Hey, my body''s not gross you damn, sexy midget! You''re just jealous!"


    +1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (-1/100)


    Look at that, almost back to 0. Guess she liked being called sexy more than she disliked being called a midget. I didn''t exactly mean to say that, but it''s not like it wasn''t true. I''ve already felt nearly everything she had after all. She may have been tiny, but she had that va va voom!


    Her face turned even redder at that, though this time there was a healthy dose of anger to her embarrassment. "S-shut up you damn jerk! Who''d ever be jealous of you!? Baldy!"


    She does know that''s not an insult, right? More like an observation. Or was she just so used to calling people that she didn''t know what to do about an actual baldy?


    "Plenty of guys are jealous of me. Especially when they see me in the locker room!" I yelled back. I really hoped there wasn''t anybody watching this right now, because this would be really embarrassing.


    Meanwhile¡­


    "I could really use some popcorn," said a cat with a shockingly deep voice. Seeing the body swap thing was hilarious. Too bad she didn''t have a camera with her. Oh well, nothing to do but enjoy the show.


    Back with Ushio and Hiyori


    "And just what is that supposed to mean!?" Hiyori yelled back. I looked at her for a moment, confused. How did she not understand? Did the Soul Society not have locker rooms or something?


    Or maybe¡­


    "Aw, aren''t you the innocent one? That''s adorable," I cooed at her, making her even angrier. Probably because it was done with her own body, who knows. She was an angry little thing normally after all.


    "Huh?" she questioned, taking a step toward me. She raised a fist threateningly, but didn''t actually hit me. It must be so frustrating for her to not be able to take out her frustrations on me.


    It was making me a bit cocky, which was never a good thing.


    "Think about it. They get jealous of me in the locker room. They see something when I''m naked¡­" I said, leaving the rest of the sentence open ended. Hiyori wasn''t stupid, it shouldn''t take her long to understand.


    And it didn''t. It took about 5 seconds give or take, before her face lit up again. She looked down at the spot between her legs, likely realizing for the first time she had an extra appendage. If she wasn''t careful, the weight of it might tip her over.


    +3 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (2/100)


    Hah! I guess she liked what she felt. I couldn''t help the smug look that graced my face after that Notification. Though it was dampened somewhat by the fact that I couldn''t feel that thing that caused that Affection gain.


    Soon my son. Daddy will bring you home real soon. Just wait a bit longer. We''ll go out for tacos.


    "I knew you were a pervert!" she screamed, pointing an accusing finger at me. You know, it was really weird to hear my own voice like this, and not just because I wasn''t in my body either. The tone she used was way different than my own.


    "I was just talking about my abs. What were you thinking about?" I asked with a shit eating grin on my face. Her face turned even redder at that, and the hand that wasn''t pointing at me felt up my abs, probably unconsciously.


    +1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (3/100)


    I gave her an amused look, as my eyes looked to where her hand currently was. Guess she liked what she felt. Her own eyes looked to where I was staring, and she removed her hand like she was just burned.


    "Guess you can''t be mad at me fondling you know, huh?" I said, amusement dancing in my eyes. She looked at me and growled, and opened her mouth to say something, probably something mean and hurtful, but she covered her mouth before she could do so.


    Oh right, I was poisoned wasn''t I? Guess we both forgot about that little fact with our argument. And now she was paying for it, desperately trying not to throw up again.


    I sighed as I rubbed the back of my head, which felt very weird considering Hiyori had a full head of hair. Very soft and silky hair I might add. I might prefer my own bald head, but I wouldn''t mind paying with this when I get my own body back.


    +1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (4/100)


    Whoops. I must have said that last part out loud. Oh well, at least she seemed to like it and didn''t think I was a creep with a hair fetish. It also had the benefit of calming her down, as she gave me a shy look from the corner of her eyes.


    Which looked really damn weird coming from my body. I''m sure if it was her in her own body doing it, I would find it adorable. But coming from my body, it was just plain creepy.


    "Alright, so what''s the real plan? Even if you can get out of my body, I have no idea how to get out of yours," I asked. She gave me another side look, though this one was far less shy, and therefore, far less creepy.


    She sighed after a moment, rubbing the back of her own head. Which confused her for a moment before she remembered she was in my body. I was waiting for her to compliment how smooth I was able to get it, but it never came.


    Which made me pout. I complimented her hair, damn it. The least she could do was compliment my lack of hair.


    "No choice. I''ll have to take you back with me. We should have something to remove souls from bodies," she said. Well doesn''t that sound fucking ominous.


    "That just sounds like you want to kill me," I said in a blank tone. She raised one of her eyebrows at me, with a smug grin of her own in place.


    "Who says I don''t? You''re just lucky you''re in my body, otherwise, you''d be paste."


    "Is that right? So if I return to my own body, then you''ll kill me? Maybe I should start a new life as a cute girl¡­" I said.


    +1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (5/100)


    I''m starting to think the women in this universe were starved for attention, because it was far too easy to raise their Affection Levels. Maybe women like Rangiku or Yoruichi will be different, considering their tig ol'' bitties.


    She rolled her eyes at me, and I don''t think it was because of my thoughts this time. If I had said those out loud, I doubt even me being inside her would stop her from breaking every bone in my body.


    "I promise not to kill you. Just beat you till you can''t see straight. Now come on, let''s get this over with," she growled, which sounded fairly intimidating coming from me. I''d have to remember that in the future.


    I followed with some reluctance, not wanting to be beaten to near death, but at the same time, wanting to get back into my own body. It was a conundrum to be sure, but at the end of the day, I wanted my child to come back home.


    I did make him a promise after all.


    As we made our way down the road, I decided to strike up a conversation with her. Considering the situation, I feel like I was entitled to some info. Also, I needed to make it seem like I had no idea what was going on, which I''m not sure I''ve done.


    "So¡­ Kind of curious, how are you able to leave your own body?" I asked. She turned to head to give me a look but didn''t stop walking. Not like I wanted her to.


    "It''s easy when you get used to it," she said. I raised an eyebrow at that.


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    "And why would you want to get used to that? Why did you need to leave your body in the first place?" I asked again.


    "None of your damn business, baldy!" she growled at me. Now that was just rude. All I did was ask a question.


    "Oh come on, you can tell me. I can keep a secret," I tried again, only to receive a growl in response. She really didn''t want to talk to me, did she? Well that just wouldn''t do.


    "Why do you have a sword? Are you some kind of lady samurai?" I continued to pester her. She would crack. Sooner or later, she would be eager to talk, if for no other reason than to shut me up.


    "Are you some kind of idiot?" she questioned back. I made a humming sound as I contemplated her question, making a big deal about thinking it over. Judging from the irritating sound she was making, it obviously got on her nerves.


    You know, maybe I shouldn''t antagonize people so much stronger than I am. It could only end badly. But in my defense, it was fun.


    "Jury''s still out on that one. I did just eat some curry I knew would poison me," I commented.


    That caused her to stop in her tracks, as she looked at me with incredulity. Her gaze also carried with it the belief that I was completely and utterly stupid. A notion that was compounded by her follow-up question.


    "Are you a moron?"


    I merely shrugged my currently dainty shoulders and gave her a grin, feeling her large canine poke out as I did so. Her eyes zeroed in on it and they gained a twitch. Guess she didn''t like seeing it from this perspective.


    "They just went into deliberation. I''m sure we''ll find out any day now," I commented. She rolled her eyes but continued on. The jury might be deliberating, but I''m pretty sure I''d be convicted. The evidence was overwhelming.


    "So, are you going to answer my question?" I asked, after a minute or so of silence. I figured I''d get her hopes up of me shutting my trap before continuing my interrogation. It seemed to work, as she finally gave me an answer.


    "If you must know I was following a weird Hollow," she said. Now that caught my attention. A weird Hollow? Could it be one of Aizen''s experiments? If that was true, that was bad. Very, very bad.


    -Quest-


    <u>Mysterious Hollow</u>


    You have learned of the existence of something that doesn''t belong. Find it before it finds you.


    <u>Reward</u>


    -Gain 1000 Exp


    -Gain 10 Stat Points


    -Ability Upgrade Token


    -Item Upgrade Token


    -Gain 50,000 Yen


    <u>Failure</u>


    -You become a Hollow


    Time Limit


    30 Days


    Accept


    [Yes] [No]


    Ok, that was concerning enough to make my sphincter close up shop for the day. I did not want to become a Hollow. I mean sure, a few of them were nice, but they were still cannibals, and my name is not Jeffrey Dahmer.


    Also, it seems like I have no choice but to accept, as the No option was grayed out. Well shit, and here I was hoping to refuse the Quest and not have to worry about it. What''s the point of asking if I didn''t have a choice in the matter?


    And to make matters worse, I also had a time limit. How was I supposed to find a Hollow without the ability to see them? Or fight them for that matter? That just wasn''t fair.


    But there was no time for me to freak out, I was having a conversation with a legal loli, so I needed to focus on that. Even though I was the loli currently¡­


    Sure hope there are no perverts around here.


    "See that wasn''t so hard. But I have a follow up question. What''s a Hollow?"


    She gave me a surprised look. I guess because I was able to enter my Spiritual Form and enter her Gigai, she expected me to know about this stuff. I mean, she wasn''t wrong, I did know, just now for the reasons she believed I should.


    "How do you not know what a Hollow is?" she asked.


    "This is my first time turning into a ghost. How am I supposed to know these things?" I shot back. She seemed to contemplate this for a second, before sighing in exasperation. Well sorry if my pretend lack of knowledge is an inconvenience for you. It sure is one for me.


    "Ugh fine. Listen up, cause I''m only going to explain it once!" she told me. I placed my hands behind my ears, showing her I was all ears. She growled at my smart ass attitude, but didn''t do much else.


    "Hollows are human souls whose Chain of Fate has eroded completely, turning them into ravenous monsters that seek to fill that hole by devouring other souls. This happens when a dead person refuses to cross over, and remains in the Human World for too long. With me so far?" she said.


    I could do without the condescending attitude, but yes, I was. But for appearance''s sake, I must act the dummy. Someday, this will come back to bite me, I''m sure of it. Like most things I do.


    "Mostly. What''s a Chain of Fate exactly?" I asked.


    She rolled her eyes at me with another huff, "That thing attached to your chest. You must have noticed when you entered your Spirit Form. Or are you really that dumb?" she snarked.


    "Well if you must know little Ms. Presumptuous, I don''t have one of those Chain of Fate thingies. There was nothing attached to my chest when I left my body," I told her, while also placing my hand to my chest. Or to be more precise, my hand was once again on her chest.


    "Wait, what? That''s not possible. You must have just not noticed," she dismissed. Well if she didn''t want to believe me that was fine. I''d prove her wrong soon enough. It seems like she hasn''t noticed where my hand was yet either. Good, now if she just turns around and continues walking, I wouldn''t get into more trouble.


    "And get your hand off of there!" she yelled, face flushed with anger once more. Ah, I spoke too soon. Looks like I wasn''t out of the woods yet, and instead ran into a pissed off werewolf.


    "Hehehe, whoops?" I chuckled nervously, while tentatively and slowly removing my hand from her chest. I even managed to prevent myself from squeezing this time! Now that''s what I call progress.


    "Ugh, whatever. Anyways, Hollows seek out people with high spiritual energy to devour their souls, so it''s the job of the Soul Society to send Soul Reapers down to cleanse the Hollows, and help the stray spirits to cross over," she continued, ignoring what just happened.


    Which was good for me. I was apparently already in for a beating, no need to make it worse. It might have helped that she did the same thing to my body not long ago. Who knows.


    If it kept me out of trouble, she could fondle my body all she wanted. Hell, she could do it even if it got me into more trouble.


    "Ok, I think I got it. And what is Soul Society? That supposed to be like heaven or something?" I asked.


    She became silent after that, and the only sounds able to be heard was the sound of us walking through the empty streets. When she eventually did answer, it was almost too quiet to hear.


    "Something like that."


    I may have enjoyed teasing her, but even I knew not to push that button. It looks like she missed that place more than I thought, though that shouldn''t surprise me. It was her home after all, for who knows how long. I''d be upset too.


    "So, I guess that means that sword of yours is what you use to cleanse these Hollows?" I asked, trying to steer the conversation in another direction. It seemed to work, at least a little, as she perked up a bit at the question.


    "Maybe you''re not as dumb as you look. That''s right, killing a Hollow means purifying it and returning its soul to the cycle of reincarnation," she explained. I nodded along, continuing my act of ignorance.


    "Huh, neat," I said. She snorted at that, but didn''t say anything else. The two of us fell into a somewhat comfortable silence as we continued on our journey.


    *Ding*


    Scan Complete


    Huh, I had completely forgotten about that. Well, not like I was doing anything important right now anyway, so might as well check it out.


    Name: Hiyori Sarugaki


    Age: 160


    Level: 72


    Health: 4,770/4,770


    Stamina: 3,040/3,180


    Reiryoku: 4,720/5,010


    Description: Hiyori Sarugaki is a short, petite girl with blonde hair. She has three freckles under each eye, and a large canine on the left side of her mouth. Aggressive and violent on her best days, she doesn''t take crap from anybody. As a former Soul Reaper Lieutenant of the 12th Division, she is smarter than she appears. Over 100 years ago, she and several others were turned into Visoreds by Sosuke Aizen. Now she seeks revenge against the man who ruined her life.


    Damn, she is significantly stronger than I am. Kind of emasculating, not gonna lie. But on the plus side, she looks good for her age. Oh well, this just means I have to get stronger. Push past my limits, and go Plus fucking Ultra!


    Wrong anime, but you know what I mean!


    I looked over at her, noticing she was distinctly less green than before, making me wonder why. "So, are you feeling any better?" I asked. She gave me a confused look, before seeming to realize what I was asking.


    "Oh yeah. A little poison isn''t enough to take me down. My Reiryoku is neutralizing it as we speak," she said with a smug look. I grumbled at that. If I knew how to use my own Reiryoku, I could do that too.


    Probably¡­


    Unless she learned how to do that in the 12th Division, then I was out of luck. But now that I at least know it was possible, I''d work on it later. Or just poison myself till I was immune, one of the two.


    Maybe both, who knows. Even if I was immune to most toxins, that doesn''t guarantee anything, not with that bastard Mayuri around. Better safe than sorry.


    But something else occurred to me, "Guess that means you saved my life. Thanks for that."


    +2 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (7/100)


    "Not like I was trying to save you. I just didn''t want to throw up again. Stupid baldy," she said, with a new shade of red on my face. Aw, her tsundere side was so cute. I mean, it would be way cuter if she was in her own body instead of mine.


    Nobody wanted to see my tsundere side after all. I was just happy to know I wouldn''t be dying today. Unless something horrible and unexpected happened, but what were the chances of that?


    ¡­Fuck, nowhere is safe and the cake is a lie.


    Eventually, the two of us reached our destination, some abandoned warehouses. I gave her an unamused look, "Is this the point of the movie where you kill me?"


    She rolled her eyes at my quip, but I was somewhat serious. This place looked sketchy as fuck. Like where the mafia comes to hide the bodies. And she did mention using something to make people''s souls leave their bodies. I thought she meant something like the glove Rukia used to bitch slap the soul out of Ichigo, but maybe she just meant this is where her favorite cleaver is.


    And my soul would leave my body along with my head.


    "Dumbass. If I wanted to kill you, I''d have done so already. It would be a pain in the ass, but I could get a new body," she said. That wasn''t as reassuring as I think she thought that was, if she was even trying to be reassuring in the first place.


    "If you say so¡­" I responded.


    "I do, now follow me," she ordered.


    The two of us made our way through the area, which was way creepier than in the movies. I half expected a maniac with a chainsaw to pop out of nowhere.


    Instead, I got a hot chick with green hair in a form fitting suit, wearing a bright orange scarf around her neck and what appeared to be goggles on her head. She just fell from the sky, using her considerable lung power to scream her battle cry, landing in a superhero pose.


    I remember her, though I couldn''t place the name. She was one of the Visoreds, the peppy one if I remembered correctly. And like every woman I''ve met so far, she was way better looking than in the show.


    Like, damn! How the hell did she squeeze into that thing? Did they have to use butter, because if so, I would happily lick it off of her.


    Not sure if it was better or worse that I was currently in Hiyori''s body. Hotter for sure, but that didn''t automatically make it better. These were thoughts I didn''t need to be having right now, and yet, I couldn''t stop myself.


    "Halt, villains! I, Mashiro Kuna, am here to stop you!" she proclaims, making another pose with her eyes closed. As nice as that suit of hers was, (and it was nice, trust me on that) it also prevented the games jiggle physics from taking effect.


    Which was just a darn shame. The devs worked really hard on those, you know? And to just ruin all their hard work? Why, it was enough to bring a fella to tears.


    The two of us could only stare at her, one dumbfounded and slightly horny the other irritated and considerably less horny.


    "Goddamnit Mashiro¡­" muttered Hiyori. The other girl must have heard it, as she opened her eyes to look at us.


    "Oh, it''s just you Hiyori, why didn''t you say so?" she questioned happily, and with more than a hint of air headedness. This caused the tall, muscular, bald girl to sigh with irritation.


    And wasn''t that a weird sentence.


    Mashiro then turned her attention to her, who was in my body, after hearing her sigh, "And who is this?"


    Hiyori opened her mouth to speak, but I beat her to it. This was just too good to pass up, and even though I knew it would land me in a world of hurt later, I couldn''t resist.


    "Oh, that''s Ushio. He''s my new boy toy," I said, with a big, toothy grin. Hiyori, in my body, went completely still, and all the color drained from her face. She turned to look at me with an absolutely horrified expression.


    Which was the complete opposite of Mashiro, who also went completely still. But instead of the color draining from her face, hers seemed to gain a sparkle. I didn''t even know that was possible.


    "Oh my gosh, I have to tell everybody!" she shouted as she ran off before Hiyori could say anything.


    "Hey everybody! Hiyori brought a man home!"


    Said girl''s face regained its lost color, replacing it with an angry red. There was no embarrassment to be found this time, just pure rage.


    Yup, I knew it was only a matter of time until my mouth got me in trouble.

 Chapter 10

    I have made many a mistake in my day. From thinking a possum would make a good pet, to thinking Disney wouldn''t totally fuck up Star Wars. Yes, many mistakes have I made, but none so great as to piss off the great and powerful loli.


    "You can''t hide forever! And when I find you, you''ll wish you were dead!"


    That''s her now. Hunting my ass down through this abandoned warehouse district. I can feel her bloodlust from here. I''m honestly a bit surprised I didn''t lose any Affection with her. Either she likes the thought of me being her boy toy, or she is so blindingly angry it hasn''t registered yet.


    The odds were about 50/50.


    Luckily I managed to escape her wrath before she could pin me down. This body of hers was fast, thankfully. Faster than my own at any rate. Not to mention it was small, so hiding was made much easier as well.


    I am surprised she hasn''t been able to locate me by sensing my Reiryoku. I''m pretty sure that''s a thing people can do. Maybe her anger blocked that ability as well?


    Her voice became distant as she searched in the wrong direction. I crawled out of the prickly bush I was hiding in, dusting myself off and picking leaves out of my hair. Man that stuff was an inconvenience. Makes me glad I''m bald.


    Ok, now I just needed to stay under her radar until she either calmed the hell down or the Visoreds showed up to see what was going on.


    Actually, that''s a good point. Where the hell are they? That one chick, Mashiro I think, ran off screaming about Hiyori bringing home a man. Shouldn''t they check something like that out, or did they not believe her.


    Wouldn''t surprise me. She doesn''t seem like the type to bring a random guy she just met to her place. Though they wouldn''t know she just met me. Or maybe they didn''t think she could bring someone home at all?


    Kinda messed up if that was the case. Hiyori was cute, so she shouldn''t have any problem with guys. Sure her personality could use some work, but nobody gives a damn about that if it''s just a one night stand.


    But for some reason, the thought of her bringing random guys home irritated me. That''s a realization better left for when I''m not in imminent danger.


    I carefully started walking through the area, doing my best to not make a sound. Her body was light, very light, so it was much easier than in my own body. A mediocre silver lining is still a silver lining, and I''ll take what I can get.


    Peeking out from behind a corner, I searched for my predator. Nothing, but everything was eerily quiet. I didn''t think she had the capacity for silence. You learn something new everyday.


    But her discovering the ability to shut up did not bode well for me. It did not bode well at all. The only reason I''ve been able to avoid discovery so far was my ability to know where she was at all times.


    With that gone¡­


    No get a grip! You''re still faster than her, so even if she does find you, you can run away. So there''s nothing to worry about, nothing at all.


    So then why am I sweating so much?


    Can down¡­ Deep breaths, that right¡­ deep¡­ in and out¡­


    "Hello there," said a deep masculine voice above me. I let out a girlish squeak, which was ok because I currently was a girl. I would never make that sound in my own body, not in a million years!


    Come to think of it, when people swap bodies in anime and stuff, don''t they normally retain their own voices? So why didn''t we? I know it doesn''t make any sense, considering it''s the soul that was swapped, which doesn''t affect the vocal cords at all, but still!


    Looking up I spot a familiar black cat. Wasn''t that Yoruichi? What the hell was she doing here? And why did she have to be a cat? Gimme good ''ol Flash Goddess any day.


    Emphasis on the flashing part.


    "Ah, General Kenobi. Fancy meeting you here," I snarked. Don''t look at me like that. I couldn''t help myself, alright!


    "Who?" she asked, tilting her head. She stared at me with her big, amber eyes, seemingly intrigued by my rugged¡­ loliness.


    Fuck, my first meeting with her and it wasn''t even in my own body! I sure hope those higher being assholes are enjoying the show!


    "You know, Star Wars¡­ Obi-Wan¡­ Nothing?" I asked, staring at the still confused feline. Maybe they didn''t have Star Wars in this universe. If not, I would introduce it to the world and make millions!


    And no fucking Disney!


    "Hm¡­ Never heard of it. But shouldn''t you be a bit more surprised? I am a talking cat you know," she said, leaping down from the wall she was sitting on and walking toward me.


    That was her issue? I suppose it makes sense, she likely doesn''t know who I am¡­


    Wait, no that''s not right. She knows exactly who Hiyori is, so she shouldn''t be speaking like she doesn''t know who I am. That means she knows I''m not actually Hiyori. And that also means she was likely watching the whole time!


    ¡­Fuck.


    "Uh, yeah. I mean, wow! Oh my gosh, a talking kitty! How is this possible?" I faked, making my voice higher than it needed to be. I knew it and she knew it, but I couldn''t let her know how much I knew. Assassin lady is an assassin.


    +1 Affection to Yoruichi Shihouin (1/100)


    "That''s better," she mocked, stopping and staring up at me. I couldn''t help but get nervous with the way she was looking at me. This must be what the gazelle feels like when it''s been trapped by a lion.


    I may have been fast enough to evade Hiyori, so long as she was in my body, but there wasn''t a snowball''s chance in hell of me escaping Yoruichi. Unless hell is actually cold, but I''m pretty sure it wasn''t, though, I don''t remember the movie all that well.


    "My name is Yoruichi," she said, after staring me down. So that''s what we''re doing now, huh? Introductions? Sure, why not.


    "Uh, hey. I''m the loli formerly known as Ushio. Nice to meet you I guess," I said. I wasn''t sure if I was supposed to shake her paw or not, so I just stood there like a jackass.


    "Ushio, huh? Weird name for a girl," she said amused.


    "I could say the same about Yoruichi for a guy," I remarked back. She smirked at that, which was weird coming from a cat. Until this point, I wasn''t aware that cats could smirk.


    This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.


    That''s two things I''ve learned today.


    +1 Affection to Yoruichi Shihouin (2/100)


    "You asshole! Where are you!" shouted Hiyori, much closer than I was comfortable with. I looked toward the direction her voice came from, along with Yoruichi. But unlike me, she didn''t seem worried in the slightest. I mean, why would she be? She''s not the one being hunted.


    You know, it''s ironic that in this game of cat and mouse with Hiyori, I was found by an actual cat. Er¡­ catgirl? Not sure about that, and one is definitely better than the other.


    "So, mind telling me how you made that young man so angry," she asked, looking back at me with amusement in her eyes. It''s a good thing she''s so sexy. I mean, not right now, because you know, she''s a cat.


    And I''m not into that.


    "That''s a not-so-long and yet somehow complicated story," I said, making her raise her eye at me. They say curiosity killed the cat, but I doubt it ever tried with her.


    "Oh, do tell," she purred. That would be much better if the voice wasn''t so deep and manly. It was making me feel confused feelings and I don''t like that.


    Not to mention I''m 90% sure she knows exactly what happened and is just fucking with me. I know cats like to play with their food and all, but come on!


    "Ok, so to put it simply, I had a very near death experience, ended up as a ghost thing, and somehow wound up in her body while she was having an out of body experience of her own. And while in said lady''s body, I may have helped myself to a grope or two. Unintentionally, of course."


    "Of course."


    "And she saw me do that, which angered her greatly. When she discovered I did not know how to exit her body, she entered mine in a weird revenge scheme."


    "Understandable, yes."


    "And so she brought me here to get help from her friends, and when one showed up, I may have insinuated that she brought home a man to seek carnal pleasure with. And she took exception to that."


    "Well that is quite the story. How did you end up nearly dead in the first place?"


    "Oh, that¡­" I said, while rubbing my silky, blonde hair. "Uh, I ate something that didn''t agree with me."


    "Oh, is that right? A little food poisoning taking out a man with such a virile body? Must have been quite the dish," she said. Not gonna lie, felt a little tingle go down my spine at her complimenting my physique like that.


    Now I just need to get back to my virile body, and I''d be golden.


    "You could say that. I don''t suppose you know a way to get me back into my own body?" I asked with hope shining in my eyes. But alas, my hope was dashed by a sexy cat girl.


    "I''m afraid not. But you have more important things to worry about anyway," she claimed, jumping back onto the wall. Now it was my turn to be confused.


    "What could be more important than getting back to my own body?"


    "There you are," I heard a voice growl from my left. A very familiar voice. Turning slowly, with fear reaching deep into my soul, I saw none other than myself, piloted by an angry woman, cracking her knuckles.


    "I suggest you run," commented Yoruichi, almost flippantly. She was enjoying this way too much.


    "Good idea," I said, before taking her suggestion and running like a bat outta hell.


    "Damn you, stay still and die with dignity!" shouted Hiyori.


    "Never!" I shouted back.


    And like that the chase was on. It was a good thing she couldn''t activate my Skills, otherwise, she may have been able to catch up to me. But for some reason, I was unable to get away. No matter how far or how fast, she stayed the same distance.


    How was that possible? Did she learn how to use my Skill, or was this an angry woman thing? Not sure which one I prefer, to be honest.


    But seeing as there is no escape for me, I decided to take my chances and hide inside a building. I quickly ran inside the closest one. Thankfully, it was nice and dark, with plenty of random things for me to hide behind.


    I immediately went for the first thing I could see, which just so happened to be a large metal container. I kneeled down behind it, thankful for my currently small body, though I could have done without the bright, blonde hair. That would not help me hide, not at all.


    Less than ten seconds later, I heard her enter. More than that, I could see her shadow stretching across the floor as she stood in the entrance of the building. That was some horror movie level shit right there.


    Hiyori breathed deeply and angrily as she stared into the room. She sounded like an angry bull, which likely wasn''t far from the truth. She was already seeing red, and if she saw me, she would absolutely charge.


    So I just needed to remain hidden. She couldn''t see me from where she was, and as long as I kept my breathing under control, she shouldn''t find me. The game of cat and mouse has entered its second stage, hide and seek.


    "You can''t get away, so just come out already!" she shouted. But of course, I didn''t answer, which only fueled the fire. Well, if I was going to get burned, might as well make it worth it.


    "Fine. If that''s the way you want to do it," she growled, closing the door behind her, making the room significantly darker. She then picked up a large, steel crate, much like the one I was hiding behind, and placed it in front of the door.


    Which was unfortunate, as the door opened inward, not outward. And there was no way I''d be able to move that thing, at least not quietly. Come to think of it, how the hell did she do that? She was in my body, and I''m almost positive I wouldn''t be able to pick that thing up.


    Was she using Reiryoku? She must have been, it was the only thing I could think of. Beside her feminine fury that is. Maybe it was a combination of both?


    Man I need to figure out how to use that. Reiryoku I mean, not feminine fury. Although, I was in a woman''s body now, so maybe¡­


    No, better not think about it. Or about how she shouldn''t have access to it if she was in my own body. Or did such power defy the laws of this universe? And if she could use that, did I still have access to Big Dick Energy?


    It didn''t matter. What did matter is that she was going to murder me to death. She said it herself, she can get a new body, most likely from Kisuke Urahara. But I wasn''t going to go out without a fight.


    And by fight, I mean fleeing for my life. I like my life, and I didn''t want the angry loli to end it. I just needed to find another way out, and Bob''s your uncle, I''m home free.


    Sort of. I mean, I still need to get out of her body, get her out of my body, get back into my own body, and then flee to Mexico. After that, then I''m home free.


    I heard her footsteps as she began her search in earnest. "Come out, come out, wherever you are," she sang, which sounded horrible with my voice. Not because my voice is bad or anything, I have the voice of a bass angel. No, it was horrible because it was just plain creepy.


    Ok, the footsteps were getting closer now. Too close, actually, I needed to move. Quietly, I needed to move quietly. Unfortunately, I seem to lack the Stealth Skill. Upon my attempt to sneak around the angry lady, I doth kicked a fucking can.


    Note to self, if I survive, get the Stealth Skill.


    And it was loud. Like listening to a car crash in surround sound. I winced every time it bounced on the floor. But eventually, it stopped and there was blissful silence.


    Silence that didn''t last too long. For within a second, there she was, a maniacal, twisted grin on her face. Which was actually my face. I didn''t even know I could make that face! I didn''t want to know I could make that face!


    Stop making that face!


    "There you are. There''s no escape now. I hope you''re ready for what comes next," she said, taking large, thundering footsteps towards me. I crawled away from her, looking for a way to escape.


    But alas, there was none. Soon enough, my back was against the wall. Literally. I stared at the offending obstacle with horror. No way backwards, the left and right cut off by crates of random shit. The only way was forward, but that was the most impassable of them all.


    "Ah, poor little baby. Looks like your time is up. It was fun while it lasted, but it''s time to end this. It''s too bad about my Gigai, but I can get a new one," she said, taking her sweet time to reach me, wanting to extend the fear she could see on my face.


    Which was her face, technically. I wonder if that makes her a masochist?


    I could be very scary when I want to. Someone like Hiyori should not have access to someone with a body my size. Her intimidation check was impossible to fail inside it.


    "Now Hiyori, why don''t we talk about this? Like adults, just you and me, what do you say?" I asked.


    "What''s there to talk about? You humiliated me, and now, you have to pay," she said in a sickly sweet tone of voice.


    "How did I humiliate you?" I said, confused. That seemed to be the wrong thing to say, as her face turned beat red.


    "You told her you''re my boy toy!? As if a baldy like you would ever be my boyfriend!" she shouted. You know, I figured that was it, but this was taking it a bit too far.


    "Seriously? You''re going to commit murder upon my fragile person over a joke? Don''t you think that''s a little extreme?" I asked.


    "Murder? I''m not sure what you mean. I''m just going to help you get out of my body, that''s all," she said, happily. My mind was brought back to her saying they had a way to remove souls from bodies.


    Pretty sure this isn''t what she meant back then. But it''s sure what she meant now.


    "Oh, well that''s very kind of you, but why don''t we get a second opinion," I suggested nervously.


    "I don''t need one," she said.


    Ok, there was no convincing her, I needed to find some way to escape. But how? Looking around, I managed to see something along the ground. A rock. A simple rick the size of my fist. Or Hiyori''s fist anyway.


    You might be wondering how that could help. But I knew. There was one way, ancient and forbidden, but did I dare use it? Upon my own flesh no less?


    Looking at her face¡­ Yes, I must, for there was no other way. My soul may be cursed for all eternity, but I will do what I must to survive.


    Forgive me, my son¡­

 Chapter 11

    "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."


    Those were the only thoughts I had as I raced through the warehouse. Guilt gnawed at my chest like a ravenous beast. I could hear the condemnation of every man on earth, and even those not on earth, as I sought an escape from this place.


    My actions would have dire consequences, this much I knew. I must live with the choices I have made, and the demons those choices have created. Perhaps there was a chance of forgiveness, but I doubted I would be worthy of such a thing.


    For you see, I have committed a grave sin. As Hiyori was approaching me, promising me death, I gripped a rock in my hand, and chucked it into her balls.


    Yes you read that correctly. Though calling them her balls was a bit of a misnomer. They were my balls, she was just taking them for a joy ride.


    I can still hear her screech of agony, even now, after they''ve been replaced by death threats. Hiyori may have been the first girl in history to know a man''s pain after they''ve been struck in the bean bag.


    Though, usually not with a rock¡­ That likely compounded the pain. But it was the only thing I could think of at the moment to save me. I don''t normally go around throwing rocks into guys'' testicles, you gotta believe me!


    Especially when they were my own! Oh god, my children! Daddy''s sorry!


    But I have to live with that. And if I ever see my own body again, I''ll have to make it up to them. Not sure how exactly, but I''ll find a way. They do like expensive lotions¡­


    Problems for later. Right now, I need to find an exit. But I couldn''t see one, this damn warehouse was too fucking dark! And what light I could see came through boarded up windows! And even that was from street lights!


    Sure I could probably pry them off, Hiyori was quite strong, and me being in her body meant that strength was mine. But I was in stealth mode right now! The quiet was my one and only friend at the moment, I couldn''t just abandon him.


    As I continued to search, I noticed another light trail, coming from the walkway above. Following it showed a window with little in the way of obstruction.


    That was it! My way to freedom! Now I just need to find a way up there, and I could escape this wretched place filled with bad memories.


    But that wasn''t something alcohol couldn''t fix!


    Alright, a way up, a way up. Gotta find a way up. Hm¡­


    Aha! There in the corner, some boxes stacked conveniently in a way that created a ladder. Perfect! Now I just need to stealth my way over, and everything would be ok.


    And it was there, in the darkness, I heard a new sound. It was the sound any horror game enthusiast was likely to be familiar with. One that filled your heart with dread, and made you frantically search for the source.


    It was a chainsaw. It roared loudly, demanding its bloodlust be quenched. And I had a feeling whose blood would be used for the sacrifice.


    "There''s no need to hide! I just want to talk with you!" shouted Hiyori. Did she really think I would believe her, when she had a fucking chainsaw? No, I must avoid her at all costs, make my way to the boxes, and GTFO.


    But that was easier said than done. Just being able to hear the chainsaw in the background was incredibly distracting. One second it sounded close enough to deafen me, and the next I could barely hear it.


    Was she teleporting, or was I just losing my mind? Both were viable options at this point, and I''m not sure which one I''d prefer.


    Either way, I slowly made my way across the building, hiding behind boxes and construction equipment as I did so. There were a few close calls, as I could see her stalking through the facility looking for me, but luckily I managed to avoid detection.


    But there was no telling how long I''d be able to keep it up. Sooner or later, I''d make a mistake, and she would find me, and I''m not keen to know what a chainsaw feels like as it carves through my flesh.


    I''ve seen enough horror films to know it is most certainly unpleasant.


    But you know what was even worse than listening to a chainsaw wielding maniac stalk you through a dim, dark warehouse? Hearing that same chainsaw go completely and utterly silent.


    I stopped tip toeing through the warehouse, straining my ears to hear what I could no longer hear. But no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, I couldn''t hear hide nor peep of Hiyori.


    Just an utterly silent warehouse. It felt like I was being mocked, but I couldn''t figure out by whom.


    Sweat dripped down my brow as I looked around my nearby surroundings. She was here, somewhere, I could feel it in my bones. But it also felt like there was another presence here, one just as angry as Hiyori.


    But who could that be, and why would they be that mad at me? I haven''t pissed off anyone else recently, as far as I know, but I could always be wrong. Probably was, I don''t make it a habit to remember every random scrub I antagonize.


    Was I followed? I don''t think so, but Hiyori did say she was searching for a strange Hollow didn''t she? Maybe it had some kind of stealth abilities? Who knows what Aizen could have been cooking up in the background.


    Or those under his employ. I distinctly remember a pink haired douche that was part of the Espada, but I have no idea if he was active or not. He shouldn''t be an Arrancar yet, but he could be a sneaky, lower leveled Hollow doing some BS nonsense in a cave somewhere.


    Like a metro sexual Bin Laden.


    And yet, I don''t think that''s it. The anger felt closer to home, like whoever, or whatever it was, suffered a personal grievance with me. Familiar, like an old friend I haven''t seen in awhile.


    I shook the thoughts from my mind. Now wasn''t the time to get bogged down by such things. I was nearing the crates now, clear blue skies were just around the corner, even if it was currently nighttime. I needed to put all my focus on not fucking up. Because that''s the key to success, not fucking up.


    Now the series of events that are about to transpire do not reflect on my general abilities. I had no control over said events and therefore, can not be held accountable.


    Just as I was about to take the first step onto the crates, the boxes near me, ones made of wood this time, exploded outward, showering me with splinters. I closed my eyes and guarded my face as best I could.


    Remember, I did not fuck up here. I made no noise whatsoever. I''m pretty sure she was waiting to surprise me, but I can''t prove it. All I know is that she was here now, giving me a manic, slightly psychotic grin.


    Man, she did not take getting hit on the balls well. I mean, I get it, but this is just ridiculous. I don''t go around swinging a chainsaw at people whenever I get hit in the nads.


    Must be a girl thing.


    "Well, looky what I found. A walking talking corpse. Good thing I brought this," she said, holding up the chainsaw, accompanied by a rather unsettling giggle. That was never a good sign.


    A case of theft: this story is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.


    And is she more jacked? Looks like she found a box full of Tren and gobbled that shit up. I must say, I disapprove. My body is a temple, and I do not appreciate her injecting performance enhancing drugs into it!


    I mean the nerve of some people! Now my natty status would come into question!


    But that however was the least of my problems. For now, anyway. Because I have once again failed at hide and seek. I really need that Stealth Skill, and I''m honestly surprised I haven''t got it yet. I''ve been sneakily sneaking through this place like a ninja!


    Maybe System was holding a grudge because I told him to shut up. It would not surprise me. But now I needed to find a way for Hiyori to listen, and not kill me to death.


    Hang on a second, didn''t I get a Title or something that helped my bullshit my way to victory? Mentally commanding my System to open to the Title Tab, I quickly hit the arrow to bring up the drop down menu and searched.


    Sure enough, there it was, Silver Tongue, you beautiful bastard you! Why couldn''t I remember you sooner? I blame the poison.


    <u>Silver Tongue</u>


    You are gifted in the art of gab. Increases the odds of convincing others with your words.


    *Effect when Equipped*


    Increases odds of people following your suggestions or believing you by 25%


    Alright, let''s Equip this bad boy and Talk no Jutsu my way out of this.


    "Listen, Hiyori, I apologize for my actions. It''s been a long night, and we''re both tired, so why don''t you just put that down, and we can talk this through like rational adults," I said. And to my enormous surprise, it seemed to work, as her eyes lost some of the mania in them.


    Good, good, she was even lowering the chainsaw. I really need to remember my Skills and stuff. Pretty sure I have a Perk Point to deal with as well. Later, now is not the time.


    "H-huh? Ushio? Where-?" but that was as far as she got. Just when it seemed she regained her sanity, something happened.


    "Ahh!" she began screaming. My eyes opened wide as energy erupted from her body, sending me hurling into a box behind me.


    "Ow, damn it, now what?" I complained as I dragged myself out of the rubble. Hiyori was still screaming, and her body began to turn a violent red. Steam seemed to release from her pores, as she began to bulk up even more.


    Seriously, what did she find in this place? The singular good thing about this is she dropped the chainsaw.


    But there was something strange about that energy she was producing. It felt so familiar to me. It also felt like the presence from earlier, I just couldn''t place what it was.


    "Hey, System! Mind telling me what the hell is going on!?" I yelled. I didn''t care if she heard me at this point, but I just needed to know what was going on.


    And yelling helped ease the nerves a bit.


    It seems as if she has been consumed by the angry, vengeful Gods of Big Dick Energy.


    I''m sorry, can you explain that to the rest of the class? Use small words, if you please.


    Ugh, idiot. You, Ushio, have angered the Big Dick Gods, likely when you struck your boys with a rock. You have spurned their generous gift, and this is the consequence of your actions.


    "You''ve got to be kidding me¡­" I muttered. The big dick giveth, and the big dick taketh away. Man, I just want to get back to my own body, and even that seems to be angry at me.


    But how am I supposed to appease gods like that? I don''t exactly want to make effigies in their image, considering their domain, it would likely be highly phallic, and that would send all the wrong messages.


    Oh, and this is also the reason to have yet to acquire the Stealth Skill. It seems like they''re interfering with some of my functions.


    Oh those mother fuckers! It''s one thing to possess Hiyori and try to rip me a new one, but interfere with my Skills!? You have crossed the line buddy!


    Now I just need to figure out a way to save Hiyori from the angry penis gods. Easy, right?


    "Well, this certainly seems interesting?" purred a familiar voice. I whirled around, coming face to furry face with a familiar feline.


    "Yoruichi? What are you doing here?" I asked in confusion. With her wide, toothy grin, I was starting to feel like Alice in Wonderland. Now all I need to do is find a caterpillar with an opium addiction.


    "Enjoying the show, what else? Seems like you''re in a bit of a pickle," she commented offhandedly, rolling onto her back and staring at me with half, lidded eyes. That look would be so much better if she were in her real form, but now wasn''t the time to think with my dick.


    Because it was currently mad at me and attached to a body that I wasn''t currently residing in. You know, when I first woke up in this world, I did not see this coming. Maybe I should have, considering the incident with Kon, but still.


    "That''s great, and I''m real happy for you, but do you have any suggestions that would help me?" I asked, frustrated. She seemed to consider my question for a bit, before rolling back onto her stomach.


    "Yes, actually, I do have a suggestion for you," she claimed. That made me sag in relief.


    "Great, and what''s that?" I asked, with hopeful naivety.


    "Run," she said simply.


    I raised an eyebrow in confusion, before using a finger to clear out my ears. "I''m sorry, could you repeat that? I think I misheard you."


    "Certainly. I said you should run," she said with amusement. I gave her a blank stare, before a loud shout returned my attention to the currently roiding out problem next to me.


    It seems like whatever was happening with Hiyori was finished, and she stood there, nearly a whole goddamn foot taller and muscles that would make Ronnie Coleman look like Tiny Tim.


    Well, don''t that just beat all¡­


    I turned to look back at Yoruichi, only to find her missing. Sneaky little¡­


    But I had no time to stew in my rage at her abandonment. I had other things to worry about right now. I did, however, take her suggestion to heart, climbing as fast as I could toward the exit I hoped was just above me.


    Which was harder than it needed to be, but I was currently in a tiny body, and that made climbing boxes nearly my own height somewhat difficult. But I did it, with my superhuman strength, I pulled myself up.


    So that''s when things took a turn for the worst. As I climbed up the first crate, that was when Hiyori, or whatever was possessing her, decided it was high time they made a move.


    Just as I reached the second big ass box that led the way to freedom, the one below me was smashed apart. I yelped as I clung onto the second box for dear life. The fall itself wouldn''t hurt me, but the thing that went all, "Hulk Smash" on it sure as hell would.


    But the worst part was the tower of boxes started to collapse. That was bad, real bad. The smug asshole below me was just waiting for me to fall, with a big stupid grin on her face.


    Hang on, was that a bit of white on her face? And her eyes seemed different too, or at least, one of them did. The white part of it was solid black. That seemed familiar, but for the life of I couldn''t place it.


    Problems for later! Right now, I need to get the hell away from her! I wasn''t about to get captured, no siree. I''m a strong, independent woman now who don''t need no man. With that in mind, as the boxes began to fall, I too began to Legolas my way up the damn things. You know, like from the Hobbit.


    Honestly, I didn''t think it would work, but bullshit fantasy physics means anything is possible if you just believe hard enough. And I believe!


    Soon enough, I was standing on the second floor, looking down at the raging beast below, and blew her a raspberry. "Nah, nah, better luck next time!"


    In hindsight, not my best move. I blame my low Wisdom Score.


    With an angry shout, it jumped up onto the second floor with the greatest of ease. Don''t tell me I could do that the whole time! I really need to get used to this whole, being superhuman thing.


    But that was for later. Now is the time for me to run. I sprinted away as fast as my stubby legs could carry me. Which was pretty goddamn fast. The window wasn''t too far away, but every inch looked like a mile when you''re being chased by a possessed loli who was also possessing your body.


    Am I high right now? It feels like I''m high right now. Where''s that damn caterpillar¡­


    The window was so close now, I could practically taste the fresh air. Why fresh air tasted like peppermint and tequila, I don''t know, but I''m not complaining.


    What I was complaining about was the hulking monster chasing me like a rabid bloodhound. Can''t this guy take a hint. Nobody wants you here!


    Not entirely true, Big Dick Energy was very important to me, even if I have no idea what it actually did. But the name itself filled me with manly pride.


    Even if I am currently a four and a half foot tall girl. That''s not important right now!


    The window I was looking to make my escape from only had one board blocking the way, which was good, because I have no intention of stopping or slowing down. Imma bull rush that bitch!


    "Ahhhh!" I shouted as I sprinted even faster, having activated the Ability: Sprint, before jumping through the window with my arms crossed over my face. The cool, night air greeted me like an old friend, the kind you don''t owe money to.


    I landed on the ground in an epic superhero pose. You know the one. I looked back at the angry ball of muscle, glaring down at me from the second floor. I flipped it off, before jauntily running away.


    Only to run head first into something. Something round, and soft, with just the right amount of bounce to it, that knocked me on my ass and made my heart flutter at the same time.


    Looking up, I saw the stern visage of Lisa Yadomaru staring down at me, wearing her schoolgirl uniform that was just a bit too small for her frame, showing off more leg than it should with a moderate amount of her toned stomach to boot.


    But it wasn''t just her that was here, it was all of the Visoreds, surrounding me and staring at me with some hostility in their eyes. Honestly, it should concern me, the aura of anger I could damn near taste radiating off of them, but I was honestly relieved to see them.


    "Well it''s about goddamn time!" I shouted at them, much to their confusion.


    I may have been a little upset by their response time as well.

 Chapter 12

    Since the dawn of time, man has had many a way of knowing when one is completely and utterly fucked. One such way was the tried and true method of being surrounded by angry looking people with pointy objects. Yes, it was quite the easy way to tell indeed.


    Accusing them of tardiness was just icing on the cake, but who wants cake without icing? Not me, that''s for damn sure! So I put that shit on thicc!


    "So how are you going to make it up to me, huh?" I demanded, pointing at them accusingly. Oh yeah, pointing at the people with pointy objects while accusing them of things helped with the fuckery as well.


    Now you know. You''re welcome.


    "Are we sure this ain''t Hiyori?" asked one of them. Rose? Or was it Love? I can never remember which of them is which. Damn background characters not having the common decency of being memorable.


    He had hair in the shape of a star. You''d think that would be enough to remember his damn name, but nope. He was also wearing a green tracksuit and sunglasses.


    At night¡­


    Fucking weirdo.


    "I''m fairly certain. They sure have her attitude down, whoever they are," said another one. The one with long, blonde hair that just exuded feminine energy. He was wearing some kind of frilly dress shirt with a fancy jacket over top. He looked like he belonged at the opera, not a dirty warehouse.


    "That ain''t no joke," said the first one. Nice to know they can talk about me like I''m not even here.


    "That''s enough," stated none other than the boss man, Shinji himself. Finally, someone with at least a little main character energy. Not as much as the main character, Ichigo, but enough that I knew who the hell he was at least.


    And was that a highschool uniform he was wearing? Damn, was he having a mid life crisis or something? Poor guy¡­


    "Tell me, just who are you?" he asked, with a steely eyed glare. And you know what, on any other occasion, I might have been somewhat intimidated, but I was 100% fed up with today''s bullshit.


    My balls may have been somewhere else but they were made of metal. Not brass, but full on, heat treated steel.


    "Name''s Ushio, squinty eyes. Who the hell are you?"


    -2 Affection to Shinji Hirako (-2/100)


    +1 Affection to Lisa Yadomaru (1/100)


    +1 Affection to Love Aikawa (1/100)


    +1 Affection to Rose Otoribashi (1/100)


    Worth it.


    "Squinty eyes, huh? That''s a new one," siad Shinji with an air of false calm. Something that wasn''t aided by the sniggers of his comrades.


    "But you have to admit, it suits you," stated Lisa. The others only snickered harder at this, and Shinji''s eye began to twitch.


    "Ah shut up. Now then, Mr. Ushio. Just what in the hell are you doing in my friend''s body?" he asked. There was a serious note of accusation there. Did Shinnji have feelings for little miss chainsaw? I can''t remember, but that look on his face made me want to cuck him.


    "That''s a long story involving a little girl, curry, and copious amounts of food poisoning," I stated, while Shinji just raised an eyebrow.


    "That right? And where''s Hiyori now?" he asked. Now that made me raise my own eyebrow. Could he not sense the pure rage coming from the warehouse behind him? Hell, I think it was starting to leak a rage fueled miasma at this point.


    "Seriously? She''s right behind you," I said, in as bland a tone as I could muster. Honestly, were they that incompetent?


    "What are you-" but before he could finish what I''m sure was a stupid question, an angry roar could be heard coming from the building behind him. Shinji whipped his head around, along with the others, staring at the warehouse in shock.


    "What? But why couldn''t I sense her?" he questioned. It was a good one, I have to admit. It was almost like someone was interfering with them. I wonder who that could be?


    *Giggle*


    ¡­Don''t you ever make that sound again.


    "Who knows, but that''s definitely her. And it feels like she lost control of her Inner Hollow," stated Lisa, who now had a bead of sweat rolling down her face.


    Wait a minute¡­ her Inner Hollow? But I thought she was possessed by the Big Dick Gods?


    *Giggle*


    Goddamn it I told you not to make that sound again! Wait, are you trying to say you were fucking with me earlier and this isn''t the work of the Big Dick Gods?


    Maybe¡­


    But why?


    Because it''s hilarious.


    Ok, that checks out. Hang on, does that also mean you were the one preventing me from gaining the Stealth Skill as well?


    <u>Stealth</u> (2/100)


    The Ability to hide and move through the world unseen. Useful for getting out of jury duty and avoiding your ex wife.


    -Reduces chance of being discovered while sneaking by 2%


    -Reduces chance of being discovered while hiding by 2%


    -Reduced movement penalty while sneaking by 4%


    "...You asshole!" I shouted. The others turned to look at me with surprise on their faces, but I was far too angry at my backstabbing Game System to give a damn.


    "Excuse me? Who''s an asshole?" asked Shinji with narrowed eyes.


    "I wasn''t talking to you!"


    "Then who were you talking to?"


    "The voices in my head!"


    Yeah, not the best way to put it, but in my defense, I wasn''t exactly thinking clearly.


    "...Oh great, you''re crazy. Isn''t that just wonderful," Shinji said, sarcasm just oozing off of his person.


    "I don''t want to hear that from you, Mr. Stranger Danger!" I shouted back. Seriously, he looked like the kind of guy parents warn their children to stay away from at the park.


    "Stranger Danger?" he asked, bewildered. I was about to comment further, but Lisa interrupted us.


    "I hate to break this up, but we have a serious problem," she stated. It seems that Hiyori now had their full attention. Or at least 90% of it. The other 10% was on me, but I was clearly the lesser threat, even in Hiyori''s body.


    "That ain''t no joke. Hiyori normally has pretty good control of her Hollow. Wonder what could have made her lose control like that?" asked the star hair guy. Really need to find out that guy''s name.


    "Indeed. What a distasteful melody. So full of anger," said the feminine guy.


    "Ain''t she normally full of anger though?" asked the weirdo wearing sunglasses at night.


    "Hm¡­ You do have a point," stated filly shirt.


    "Damn, just what we needed," whined Shinji with a sigh, before his eyes returned to me. "So, you have any idea what triggered her to lose control?"


    "Ah, well¡­ maybe¡­" I said while looking away. But it seems they weren''t keen on me leaving it at that.


    "Ok, look. I may have hit her in the balls with a rock. But that''s it!" I said, trying to defend myself. But when I say it out loud, it sounds pretty stupid.


    And I damn sure wasn''t going to mention how touchy feely I may have gotten in her body. Nope, not going to mention that at all.


    "You did what?" asked Shinji with genuine shock. The others seemed just as surprised. Well, I suppose it isn''t everyday a girl gets hit in the balls. Not unless you live in Bangkok.


    If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it''s taken without the author''s consent. Report it.


    "There were extenuating circumstances, I assure you," I said, trying to placate them. But considering Hiyori lost her proverbial shit, it didn''t seem to be working.


    "I bet. After this is over, you and I are going to have a nice, long chat. Got it?" stated Shinji.


    "Can it wait? I have school tomorrow," I asked.


    "No."


    Damn jerk. School was already going to be hell tomorrow, and now it was going to be even worse. It was looking like my first day was going to be a coffee fueled drag.


    Was this what the System meant by surviving the first day?


    "Fine, whatever. Let''s just get this over with," I grumbled.


    "Good. Hacchi, when Hiyori shows up, I want you to trap her with Bakud¨­," commanded Shinji.


    "Understood," stated a somewhat dopey voice from behind me. I turned my head to see a large man around 8 fucking feet tall and as round as a beach ball, wearing a green tuxedo. But the weirdest part was his hair.


    It was fucking pink! And so was his mustache! Man, he looked way dumber in real life. But still, Hacchi was cool, so I won''t rag on him too much. Not sure how I didn''t see him earlier though¡­


    "Alright, when Hacchi has her restrained, the rest of us need to remove her mask and get her under control," Shinji said.


    "Of course," stated the long haired guy.


    "You got it boss," said tracksuit.


    "If I must," said Lisa.


    "Let''s do this," I said with enthusiasm. The others just turned to me with blank stares.


    "You won''t be participating," said Shinji, in a tone that matched the look on his face.


    "Oh come on, I can help! Besides, it''s my body she stole, and I intend to fight for it!"


    "No means no."


    "Just listen you squinty eyed dick! Hiyori is after me, so use me as bait! She''ll have less of a chance of escaping or dodging if her entire focus is on me," I said. They shared a look between them, pondering my suggestion.


    "Ya know, it ain''t a bad idea," said sunglasses.


    "Indeed, the suggestion holds merit," said frilly shirt.


    Shinji himself seemed to think it over, staring hard at the warehouse that held Hiyori. He needed to decide fast because she could burst out of there at any moment.


    "Well, Shinji?" asked Lisa.


    A few more seconds ticked by, before he seemed to make up his mind. "Fine, we''ll use you as bait. But I''m watching you, so don''t try anything funny," he threatened. I just rolled my eyes and gave him a mock salute.


    "Aye, aye, mon capitaine."


    With the plan decided, the others hid while I waited out in the open. In retrospect, this was a very stupid idea on my part. Who knows what she would do when she saw me, or if the others could even react in time. Hell, I didn''t even know if they would help.


    For all I knew, they could let her rip me a new one before jumping in. I didn''t think they would do that, considering it was their comrade on the line, but still, you never know. I did piss off their leader.


    I just have a way with people, you know?


    -New Quest-


    <u>Rescue Hiyori</u>


    Hiyori has been possessed by her Inner Hollow and it''s all your fault. What are you going to do about it?


    <u>Reward</u>


    -Gain 5 Affection with Hiyori Sarugaki


    -Gain 5 Affection with the rest of the Visoreds


    -Gain 500 exp


    -Gain 1 Upgrade Token


    -Gain 5 Spirit


    -Evolutionary path unlocked: Visored


    <u>Failure</u>


    -Death of Hiyori Sarugaki


    -Your body is destroyed


    -Visoreds will become your enemy


    Accept?


    [Yes] [No]


    Whoa now, that''s a lot to throw at a guy all at once. And just what do you mean by Evolutionary Path? Does this mean I would become a Visored? I wasn''t even a Soul Reaper yet! I feel like I''m skipping a step or two here.


    Not to even mention what would happen if I failed this Quest that I also could not skip. I don''t want any of those things to happen.


    You can only become a Visored when you have attained a certain level as a Soul Reaper and have conquered your Inner Hollow. When these conditions are met, only then can you become a Visored.


    Alright, I guess that makes sense. Don''t want to give me too much power right off the bat. I mean, wouldn''t mind, but you do you. Also, I''m surprised you even gave me this Quest, considering how you fucked with me earlier.


    I did not intend to. However, I have been informed that I may not withhold functions due to my own personal animosity. Therefore, this Quest is to make up for that.


    I see. So it''s your way of apologizing without having to say it. But hang on, does that mean you''re not in trouble for lying, only for messing with my Skills?


    Correct. Nobody cares if I lie, so long as it does not interfere with my functions. They actually found it amusing.


    Fine, whatever, I''ll take it. But I''ve got my eye on you.


    Now then, onto more important matters. Namely, a very angry girl with a staunch desire to see me into the afterlife. And not in a nice way either.


    So there I stood, arms crossed and fearless, waiting in a clear open space for my doom. But for some reason, Hiyori isn''t appearing. Weird, considering her Hollow should be going on a rampage.


    Maybe it had more self control than I thought? Or maybe Hiyori''s was that bad that a Hollow was tame by comparison? But that didn''t make sense either, considering it was her Hollow!


    Well whatever, guess I just have to draw them out. And what better way than to use the gift of gab I''ve been blessed with.


    "You know, I sure am glad I''m all alone right now! I can touch my sexy little body all I want without anyone seeing!" I shouted out, and I swear I could hear somebody growl. Whether that was Hiyori or one of the others, I have no idea.


    What I did know is that Hiyori has still yet to show herself. But she could only control her temper for so long, no matter who was in control of my body. Her or the Hollow.


    "Oh, but maybe it would be better with an audience! And it''s so hot out, maybe I should strip and run through town! That would cool me off for sure!"


    And with that threat came another growl, this one far louder and more aggressive. I''m almost positive it was Hiyori. Time to bring it home and lure an angry monster out in the open.


    "You know what, fuck it! You only live once, right!? Maybe I should just find a party and have an orgy!? Doesn''t that sound like fun!?"


    Yeah that did it. But you know, I expected her to come busting out of the same window as I did, or a different one at the very least, but it seems Hiyori had other plans. She came busting right through the fucking wall with debris flying everywhere.


    And she looked just a tad bit different as well. Her face, or mine really, was covered by her ogre mask, which looked a lot more terrifying on my body. But that wasn''t what was most concerning.


    No, that had to be the fact that part of her body was covered in a white, gooey substance that seemed to drip onto the ground. If I remember correctly, that was a sign that her Inner Hollow was taking over, which was what Shinji speculated was happening.


    Guess it wasn''t the Big Dick Gods afterall. Honestly, that was a relief. I owed them a lot, and I''d rather stay on their good side. Assuming they even exist.


    I could practically feel the hatred wafting off of the monster in front of me as I stared it down. I''d like to say I do so without an ounce of fear, but that would be a lie. I was seconds away from shitting my pants.


    But I didn''t. Instead, I stood firm, facing down the demon I accidentally created, with completely clean underwear. Which is also good, because it isn''t my underwear I''d be shitting in. I''m in enough trouble as it is, no need to add any more fuel to the fire.


    At least not unintentionally.


    "Hey, fancy meeting you here. You come for the orgy?" I asked with a cocky grin. The Hollow in front of me let out a deafening screech, I covered my ears, desperate to keep the voice out.


    It helped, but only a little.


    "I''ll take that as a no," I said when the scream was finally over. The beast then crouched low, and I knew it was about to charge. Sure enough, that''s exactly what it did. It sprinted at me far faster than my body should be able to move.


    You know, I''m really starting to regret my hair brained plan here. Seeing a vicious monster charge at you really puts things in a new perspective. A very scary perspective.


    And just where the hell were my so-called allies? Weren''t they supposed to trap this thing in some kind of barrier? That is what Bakud¨­ is, isn''t it?


    So where they hell are they!?


    Closer and closer I saw my doom approach, and still I didn''t hear or see hide nor hair of them. They didn''t actually abandon me, did they? But this was Hiyori''s body! What the hell?


    ¡­.Any day now people!


    ¡­It''s seriously getting close!


    ¡­Do something you mother fuckers!


    The beast leapt for me and I shut my eyes, waiting to feel it rip and tear into my body. But thankfully, I wasn''t actually hung out to dry. I saw five bright, golden balls of light ascend into the sky, before transforming into steel pillars.


    "Walls of Iron sand, a priestly pagoda, glowing ironclad fireflies. Standing upright, silent to the end. Bakud¨­ #75: Goch¨±tekkan!"


    The steel pillars in the sky rapidly descended and slammed into Hiyori''s body, trapping her underneath. She screamed angrily and violently as she struggled against the bindings. But it was no use, she was trapped.


    The rest of the Visoreds appeared. Or most of them anyway. Mashiro and the silver haired guy were still missing, but other than that, they were all assembled.


    "Well, that went better than expected," stated Shinji as he calmly strolled into view. He had that same cocksure grin on his face, like he hadn''t a care in the world.


    I can see why Hiyori hit him so much.


    "You sure took your sweet time. I almost shit myself!" I yelled at him. But the bastard merely pretended to clean out his ears. That''s it, I''m kicking his ass!


    "Are we really sure that isn''t Hiyori?" whispered sunglasses.


    "Hmm, you know, I''m not so sure anymore," stated femboy.


    "They are eerily similar," commented Lisa.


    "I can hear you!" I yelled at them. But I was completely ignored.


    The group approached the still enraged Hollow as it snarled at them with drool covering its bony mouth. Gross.


    "So now what?" asked Lisa, standing a ways behind Shinji. The yellow haired former Captain squatted down, staring at Hiyori through his half lidded eyes.


    "Now, we just have to get that mask off her face," he said, reaching for it. But Hiyori wasn''t about to just play nice, and tried to bite him. She missed, unfortunately.


    "Tsk, stop being such a pain," Shinji said, as grabbed a hold of her mask. He started to pull and I figured that was it. This Freaky Friday bullshit was about to come to an end.


    But of course, things are never that simple. As hard as Shinji pulled, the mask never budged. Not a single centimeter.


    "You''ve got to be kidding me," Shinji ground out as he struggled to get the mask off. But it was to no avail. Eventually, his hand slipped and he went tumbling backwards.


    "You alright," asked spiky afro. Shinji sat up and rubbed his head.


    "Yeah, I''m fine, but we need to find a way to get that off of her," he said.


    "Should we all pull together?"


    Shinji didn''t reply to him, but he did seem deep in thought, even as more of the white substance began to encroach my possessed body. I hope they come up with something soon, because I liked that body.


    It was just so bald and sexy. But maybe, if they couldn''t get it off, I could.


    "Maybe I should try?" I suggested, and they all turned to me, once more with skeptical eyes.


    "And what could you do that we can''t? You''re the reason she''s in this mess," asked Shinji, with more than a little hostility in his voice. I mean, he''s not entirely wrong, but he''s not entirely right either. I''d say Hiyori and I were about equal in the blame department.


    "I don''t know, but considering we''re in each other''s bodies, maybe that could act as a catalyst to get that thing off of her,'''' I said. I tried not to sound too hostile, but I didn''t like Shinji''s attitude. Not like I intended for any of this to happen.


    Shinji opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, another voice interrupted him.


    "Well, you''re certainly on the right track."


    Looking up, I saw a blonde haired man standing there, wearing a dark green samue with a black haori over it. The cloak had white diamonds patterned along the bottom. In his right hand was a wooden cane, and he had a pair of wooden sandals on his feet.


    And on his head was a white and green bucket hat. There was also a black cat perched comfortably on his shoulder.


    "Tsk, Kisuke¡­" mumbled Shinji, and my eyes widened.


    Looks like shit was about to get real.

 Chapter 13

    Staring between the angry form of Shinji and the amused form of Kisuke, it was like I was caught in a Mexican standoff. Just, you know, without the mexicans. But still, you could cut the tension with a knife, and you wouldn''t even need a sharp one.


    "So tell me, just what the hell are you doing here, Kisuke?" questioned Shinji. Damn, he was annoyed. Not that I could blame him, since one of his friends was turning into a Hollow and Kisuke was somewhat to blame for their situation.


    He did make the H¨­gyoku after all. It wasn''t his fault that Aizen was a power hungry dick and used it to experiment on people, but still, he did make one of the most powerful artifacts in the universe.


    I mean, bravo for that, but there are some things you probably shouldn''t mess with, and that seems like one of them.


    "Well, you see, I was out for a little moonlit stroll when a black cat crossed my path. And wouldn''t you know it, this little kitty had some very juicy gossip," Kisuke said, bringing out his fan and hiding part of his face with it.


    What, was he Kakashi now? I mean, they were both lazy and I''m positive he had a stash of kinky shit hidden somewhere in that shop of his.


    Shinji looked at the black cat on Kisuke''s shoulder and gave her a scowl, "Yoruichi¡­ I should have known. You know what they say about curiosity and cats, don''t you?"


    Sick burn. Or was that a thinly veiled threat? Either way it was a good line. I might have to save that in case I meet any other cat girls.


    "I do, yes. And yet, here I am," Yoruichi said with a twitch of her tail. Yeah, good luck killing that kitty. Those claws are sharp as hell. I assume, anyway. I have no desire to find out for myself.


    "So mind telling me what''s going on here?" asked Kisuke, with a hard glint in his eyes, as his gaze traveled from Shinji, to the furious Hollowfied Hiyori inside my body, and finally to me.


    I couldn''t help but shiver at the coldness in those eyes. Didn''t Hiyori used to be his subordinate? Guess he still cared about her then, and likely blamed me for what was happening.


    "I do mind, actually. So why don''t you just buzz off?" stated Shinji. The two of them seemed to get into some kind of staring contest, measuring each other''s dicks with their eyes.


    Or something like that.


    "Shinji¡­" said Lisa, giving Shinji a look of her own.


    "What?" he asked, turning to face her. Does that mean he lost the staring contest with Kisuke, forever cementing himself as he with the smaller peepee?


    But Lisa didn''t say a word, only continued to stare at him. He sighed, shifting his attention to Hiyori, who was becoming further encroached by the white. Obvious sex joke aside, I was very worried about it.


    That was my body, damn it!


    "Fine, I''ll tell you. But I''m only going to say it once, so listen good you hear? We don''t have much time," Shinji said, and Kisuke made a big deal of putting his hand to his ear.


    "Bastard¡­" Shinji muttered, and I couldn''t help but agree. That amount of douchebaggery was uncalled for at the moment. Normally, I would applaud such sass, but not when it was my literal ass on the line.


    Shinji then proceeded to explain what was going on, and I expanded when it was necessary, being as succinct as I could be. And let me tell you, it was nerve wracking as hell.


    These guys were so much stronger than me it wasn''t even funny, and I''ve basically pissed off half of them. Not good, not good at all. Thankfully, they did seem amused by my interactions with the violent midget, so that eased the tension a bit.


    "I see. And for some reason, you can''t get the mask off, right?" Kisuke said, after thinking about the story for a moment. He may have acted the goof for the sheer fun of it, but it was easy to see he was intelligent just by the look in his eyes.


    "You already know that. You said the kid was onto something earlier, didn''t you? I think it''s your turn to explain yourself," Shinji demanded. Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that, what with all the dick measuring they were doing around here. If only I was in my body, I''d blow them all out of the water.


    "But of course. I''d never dream of keeping you in the dark," Kisuke said from behind his fan. "That being said¡­" He snapped his fan shut, giving everyone a stern look.


    "This is quite the unusual predicament we find ourselves in. Normally, if someone begins to Hollowfy while inside of a Gigai, they will be expelled from the body. Hollowfication affects the soul, not the physical body after all, so it''s quite curious that her mask is appearing over a physical body," Kisuke said. I''m not entirely sold on the premise, but then again, he is much smarter than I am.


    "So what does that mean exactly?" asked Love. Or Rose. I still didn''t know which was which, even after gaining some Affection points towards them. And they were the only ones whose name was ? when I looked at the translucent box above their heads.


    Guess the game was still fucking with me. Screw it, might as well Scan one of them, if for no other reason than to figure it out. Kind of forgot about that when they surrounded me.


    "I''m getting to that. You see, when you tried to remove the mask, you were trying to remove something attached to the soul without having access to the soul itself. In this case, the boy''s physical body is acting as a buffer between the two. You won''t be able to remove the mask so long as she is inside there."


    I guess that makes sense, but it kind of feels like he pulled that out of his ass, which wouldn''t surprise me in the least. And it seems like I''m not the only one.


    "You can''t be serious?" said Shinji, narrowing his eyes at Kisuke.


    "Oh, but I am. Of course, the kid''s own spiritual power might have something to do with it as well. Not to mention how it has intermingled with her own," Kisuke stated calmly, while looking at me.


    It''s like he blames me or something. But if it is because of my own spiritual power, which is tied to a BS Game system, then that''s likely the cause. Gamer powers are overrated.


    "Fine, let''s assume that is the cause. What exactly are you proposing we do?" asked Shinji, with more than a hint of skepticism.


    "I''m glad you asked! You see, I''ve come prepared for just such an occasion! And it just so happens to involve our little friend here" said Kisuke, indicating me with glee, much to the others'' consternation. Guy really needs to learn to read a room. That, or he just doesn''t give a fuck.


    Also, how very convenient he just so happened to show up with the very thing we needed. It''s like he expected something like this to happen.


    "Listen, I know I''m hot and everything, but I hope your plan isn''t for me to wake up Sleeping Beauty over there with a kiss," I said with a bland tone.


    1 Affection to Yoruichi Shihouin (3/100)


    "Oh don''t you worry. I have a much better way to wake up our princess over there," said Kisuke, even as Hiyori screamed at him. Guess even in her Hollow form she doesn''t like being called that. Good to know.


    This narrative has been purloined without the author''s approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.


    "And what is that?" asked Lisa, giving him the stink eye.


    "This," Kisuke stated, pulling out a shimmering red string. It was about 3 feet long, give or take, and about as thick as a strand of yarn.


    "And what is that?" Lisa asked again, with noticeably more annoyance in her tone.


    "Shouldn''t that be obvious? It''s the red string of fate," Kisuke said with far too much cheer.


    Silence. Dead silence. That is the sound that greeted Kisuke as his proclamation. I even face palmed at the sheer stupidity of it.


    "You can''t be serious¡­" deadpanned Lisa. She looked about ready to pull a Hiyori and whip out a chainsaw and show her love for the great state of Texas, and massacre him.


    "Of course not, I''m Kisuke."


    More silence at the terrible dad joke.


    "Man, tough crowd¡­"


    "Enough joking around Kisuke. How is that thing supposed to help?" demanded Shinji, and the others looked similarly curious and furious.


    "It''s simple, we simply tie the two together by the pinky, and viola, lover boy here will be transferred into Hiyori''s Inner World," Kisuke explained. Hang on a second, lover boy? The fuck does that mean? Is it because I''m technically inside her?


    "Whoa, hang on a second. Why does it have to be him?" asked Love. Or at least that''s what I''m calling him until proven otherwise. Tired of calling him, afro star guy. Besides, the other guy looks more like a rose anyway.


    "Simple. It''s like I said before, their Reiryoku is mixed together, probably due to them swapping bodies like a pair of junkies. Anyone else would probably be rejected," Kisuke explained.


    "You gotta be kidding. Are you saying we have to rely on this guy to save her?" asked Shhinji in disbelief, pointing his dirty thumb at me. Well, fuck you too buddy. I can already tell, we aren''t going to be friends.


    I mean I get it, I''m an unknown, but still, no need to be such a dick about it.


    "This guy can hear you," I stated blandly.


    "You think I care?" he responded.


    "Alright, that''s enough. We don''t have time to be bickering like this," said Lisa.


    "She''s right. We need to decide on a course of action, and soon. Hiyori doesn''t have a lot of time left," said Yoruichi. Everyone started to look at each other, hoping one of them had the answer.


    Of course it was up to Shinji to make the final call. So with a resigned sigh, he agreed to the plan.


    "Excellent! Now, come along young man, time waits for no one," Kisuke told me. He is way too excited about this. And for some reason, I doubt he was telling the truth about me being the only one who could do this. It''s most likely a scheme to observe me without seeming too suspicious.


    "Yeah, yeah, hold your horses old man, I''m coming," I said, while making my way towards the still struggling form og Hiyori. Man, she did not give up did she? I''m exhausted just looking at her.


    +1 Affection to Yoruichi Shihouin (4/100)


    Nice. Slow and steady wins the hottie.


    "Are you sure you aren''t Hiyori?" questions Kisuke as he stopped and gave me a look.


    "That''s what we said," commented Love. I only crossed my arms over my small, but perky chest, and gave them all a glare.


    "Not helping yourself buddy," mocked Shinji.


    I rolled my eyes, and kept walking towards Hiyori, ignoring the chuckling from the chuckle fucks behind me. Stopping in front of her, I suddenly realized what a daunting task I was saddled with. Not like I can say no, what with my Quest and all, and I wouldn''t want to anyway.


    As irritated as I am about nearly being split in half by a goddamn chainsaw, I didn''t want Hiyori to die. So I would save her, whether she likes it or not, and lord it over her for the rest of her life.


    "Alright, I''m going to explain what you need to do. When I tie this string to your pinky and then do the same with Hiyori, you''ll be transported into her Inner World. You with me so far?" asked Kisuke. I rolled my eyes, but nodded anyway.


    I know he doesn''t know how much I know, but I still don''t like being talked down to like a child.


    "Good. Now, when you get in there, what you need to do is help Hiyori defeat her Inner Hollow, and suppress it," he continued to explain.


    "And just how the hell am I supposed to do that?" I asked, with full blown conspiracy theory levels of sarcasm.


    "You beat it up," Kisuke said simply. Sure, easy for him to say, but I''m little more than an ordinary human at this point. I figured I''d have some sweet Soul Reaper powers, or maybe even Fullbring ones before I started doing shit like this.


    "I get the feeling you''re a difficult person to deal with," I started with a twitchy eye.


    "He''s got you there Kisuke," said Yoruichi with clear amusement.


    "Who, me?" he asked in fake disbelief, pointing to himself. Everybody sighed at his obvious fake acting.


    "Anyway, to recap. I need to go inside her head, which scares the crap outta me, not gonna lie. And once I''m in there I have to fight some kind of monster. Does that about sum it up?" I asked.


    "Pretty much. You ready?" asked Kisuke, as he tied the string around Hiyori''s pinky.


    "Nope," I said, making him chuckle in response. I sat down on the ground as he tied the string to my own pinky. No going back now. Time to go punch a demon possessing an angry loli, who is also trapped in my body while I''m trapped in hers, in the face.


    Yeah, that''s a thing I have to do. Man my life is weird now¡­


    "Ok, keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times. If conditions persist for more than four hours, consult your doctor immediately. Would you like to hear those instructions in spanish?" Kisuke asked, with a shit eating grin.


    "Will you just get on with it already!" shouted basically everyone.


    "Alright, alright. Can''t you guys take a joke?"


    Having said that, he tied the string around my delicate little pinky and a message popped up.


    *Warning!*


    You are about to enter a dangerous Dungeon. Once inside, you cannot leave until the boss is defeated, you are defeated, or Hiyori is defeated. Recommended Level is 15. Do you wish to enter?


    [Yes] [No]


    Ok, well that''s different. I thought I couldn''t enter Dungeons until I awakened a spiritual power or something, so what gives?


    Normally, that would be the case, but this is a Special Event. You still cannot enter normal Dungeons until you have completed the prerequisite conditions. Sorry to get your hopes up. Oh wait, no I''m not. Silly me.


    Snark aside, this was interesting. So I can enter Dungeons even though I don''t have a spiritual power if it''s under unique circumstances? Nice, but I''m not loving the Level recommendation. That was 10 Levels higher than I currently am, so this Dungeon is going to be tough.


    Not to mention I have to keep her safe as well. That just adds a layer of difficulty I''m not prepared for yet. It''s basically on hard mode! Damn, no choice. Oh well, Hiyori better appreciate the lengths I''m going through to save her tight little ass.


    I mentally hit the yes button to enter the Dungeon, and a new pop up appeared.


    Are you sure?


    [Yes] [No]


    Yes, goddamnit!


    Are you really sure?


    [Yes] [No]


    Now you''re just trolling me!


    Hitting the Yes button again, the effects were almost immediate. The world started to spin, and everything began melting into one. It wasn''t as bad as when I was poisoned, but it certainly wasn''t pleasant.


    Then the mish mash of colors began speeding towards me, encircling my body, and I felt the sensation of flying, faster and faster towards a brightly shining speck of white. WIthin moments, I rammed into it, or it rammed into me, I have no idea, but the sound of shattering glass followed suit.


    And then, I slammed into the ground. Hard. And bounced like I was in a goddamn bouncy house. Once, twice, three times until I finally settled onto the ground, moaning my displeasure.


    "Ow¡­ Kisuke you bastard. I swear, if I survive this¡­"


    I slowly stood up, rubbing my head in pain. It took me longer than I care to admit, but I did eventually notice something that made me rejoice. Baldness! Sweet, glorious baldness!


    Looking down, I discovered I didn''t just accidentally shave Hiyori. I was in my own body again! I began to touch myself all over, reveling in the feeling of my manly muscles once more.


    And my manly man bits as well.


    "Oh my son¡­ Have you forgiven your foolish father for his transgressions?" I asked, while fondling myself. I''m not too proud to admit that I shed a few tears. It felt like it''s been weeks since I last saw him, and I may have gotten a tad bit emotional.


    But soon I was distracted by another sight. And that would be the strange world I found myself in. It looked like a feudal city, only more vibrant. The colors were shockingly bright, like someone turned the contrast all the way up, said fuck it, invented a few new levels, and than cranked it up to them.


    There was one long path leading from outside the city to its center, and I just so happened to be right in the middle of said path. On either side of me were massive walls, nearly thirty feet high, with a large gate in the center. The one on the left was blue, while the one on the right was red. Looking towards the center of the town, I could see a massive, tower-like castle reaching up towards the sky.


    Speaking of, the sky itself seemed to be unable to decide whether it wanted to be day or night, caught in perpetual twilight. It made the whole setting way creepier than it needed to be.


    Not to mention the sheer silence of it all. I couldn''t even hear the sound of a cricket, and those little bastards were everywhere.


    "So this is Hiyori''s Inner World huh? Not what I was expecting¡­"


    Honestly, I kind of thought it would be some sort of gladiatorial arena or something. But this is almost pleasant. Except for how quiet it was. Isn''t Hiyori supposed to be fighting against her Hollow or something? Just where the hell is she?


    Don''t tell me the princess is trapped in the tower? Ugh, things couldn''t be simple, could they. Guess it was too much to ask that they were just there, duking it out, and I could sneak attack a bitch.


    "Oh well, time to get to work."


    With that said, I began to make my way towards the enormous tower.

 Chapter 14

    <u>Tower of the Ogre Princess</u>


    Access to this tower is locked to those who do not possess the Red and Blue Orbs.


    Well isn''t that just great. After walking all this way the damn door is locked. I guess I shouldn''t be that surprised. It''s never that easy to enter places like this in regular games either.


    The door to the tower was, in a word, massive. Unreasonably so. Freakin'' thing was nearly five times my own height. Why in the hell does Hiyori need a door that big in her own head? Is she compensating for something? Don''t tell me she has a Napoleon Complex.


    Well whatever. Even if they were normal sized, it wouldn''t change the fact that I can''t get in without these so called orbs. Guess that''s why the path behind me had a red and a blue gate on either side. At least I knew where to go.


    Honestly, it made me kind of excited. As much as I wanted this whole ordeal to be over with, I also wanted to finally experience life as a real Gamer. Fighting monsters and conquering dungeons, that''s what it''s all about.


    Up until now I''ve just been punching assholes and getting poisoned. Not exactly the thrilling start to my adventure that I thought it would be, but oh well. Better late than never, even if it''s only been a week.


    Feels like months to me.


    However, the fact that the Dungeon is also recommended for someone 10 Levels higher than me is a bit worrisome. My Stats are pretty decent for my Level, mostly my Strength, but who knows if that would be enough.


    Speaking of, before we get this show on the road, it might be a good idea to look through my Menus and see if there''s anything I can do to stack things in my favor, even just a little bit.


    Let''s see¡­


    <u>Stats</u>


    Level: 5 (250/500)


    Health: 460/792


    Stamina: 240/427


    Reiryoku: 678/678


    Strength: 61 (86)


    Agility: 21 (46)


    Vitality: 32 (57)


    Intelligence: 13


    Wisdom: 23


    Spirit: 25


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 11


    Looks like I''m in a Spirit body as well. Nice! I should have known, considering the white kimono thing I''m wearing. But in my defense, it has been a very long day. But knowing that did open up a few options.


    I could put all my Unused Stat Points into Spirit, like I thought of doing earlier, which would give me an extra 11 point boost to my physical abilities. Not to mention the increase in Hp, Stamina, and my Reiryoku. It''s the one stop shop for all my combat needs.


    So while that''s an option, it may be best to check out everything first. Like switching my Title. I doubt Silver Tongued would help me in this situation, and Merciless is pretty much useless without a way to inflict Status Ailments.


    Underdog it is!


    Alright, what else¡­ Oh yeah, my Perk point! My other Perks were pretty cool, but they didn''t help me much here. I needed something battle focused.


    Let''s see¡­


    Opening up the menu I began my harrowing search for something that would aid me in my Quest to not die. There were several good ones, such as Giant''s Strength, which increased my Strength Stat by 1 x my Level.


    Actually, there was a Perk for each Stat that did the same thing. Well, for every Stat besides Charisma. That just gave me a straight 1. Nice, but not what I needed.


    There were some other interesting choices, like some that increased my drop rate while in a Dungeon, or one that increased Exp gain while in a Dungeon. The problem with those is that they cost 2 Perk Points, and I have a measly 1.


    Honestly the Stat boost ones were pretty sweet, though not especially effective at the moment. But by the time I get them all, I would be at level 30, which would increase all my Stats by 30.


    Very useful for late game, not so much the early grind. And as much as I wanted them, because passive buffs are God''s way of apologizing for all the crap in the world, I did manage to find one Perk that would be good for both late and early game.


    Search


    An upgrade for the Scan Ability, this Perk allows you to Scan the area around you and mark enemies, allies, and randos. Marked individuals will appear on the Map and Minimap. Enemies will appear as red dots, allies as blue dots, and everyone else as yellow dots. Beware, enemies using the Stealth Skill or who are otherwise hiding, will not appear on the Map. Upgrading the Scan Ability will allow you to find hidden enemies.


    -Current Scan range: 100ft


    -Cost 25 Reiryoku per Scan


    Now doesn''t that just seem useful? If I know where the enemy is and what they''re doing I can properly plan out an appropriate method of murder. And isn''t that what everyone wants?


    No? Just me?


    Anyway, I would need to upgrade it so I wouldn''t be caught unawares. Soon, no one would be able to hide from me. My childhood dream of becoming the hide and seek champion is finally coming true.


    Sure wish I had this Ability when Hiyori was hunting my ass down.


    All that''s left is to decide where to put my Stat Points. Part of me wants to hold onto them, that hoarder part of my gamer psyche exposing itself for all to see. But then again, what was the point in having them if I''m not going to use them? And with the difficulty of this dungeon¡­


    Fuck it! Fortune favors the stupid! Pretty sure that isn''t the right expression, but who cares! Time to go balls deep into this bitch!


    With that I shoved all 11 of my hard earned Stat Points into Spirit. Let''s take a looksee at my new parameters, shall we?


    <u>Stats</u>


    Level: 5 (250/500)


    Health: 594/924


    Stamina: 322/504


    Reiryoku: 854/854


    Strength: 61 (97)


    Agility: 21 (57)


    Vitality: 32 (68)


    Intelligence: 13


    Wisdom: 23


    Spirit: 36


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    Oh yeah, that''s lookin'' real nice. My Strength is almost past human limits. Now that''s some sexy shit right there. Makes me wish I had a mirror. Sure I could look at an image of myself through the equipment portion of the game menu, but it wasn''t the same.


    I couldn''t make the image do poses. And what''s the point of admiring yourself if you couldn''t do poses? None, that''s what!


    Ok, with that settled, I think I''m ready to begin my trek through the rest of this Dungeon. I don''t have any items I can equip, or anything really useful at all in my Inventory. Except the Item Upgrade Token, but again, I have nothing to use it on.


    Maybe I''ll find something in this Dungeon. You know, like in a treasure chest. Cause what kind of game dungeon doesn''t have a treasure chest or two in them? A really shitty one, that what.


    Or I could get something by looting the corpses of my fallen enemies. Hopefully they have something good.


    The last thing I did was make sure I was using the Street Fighter fighting style. As good as True Karate was, since it was at Level 1, it would do diddly squat for me at the moment.


    Though, I guess I could level it up, but that might raise some questions when I start to actually learn from Dojima Sensei.


    Now then which gate should I go through first? The red one or the blue one. Hmm, let''s see if they have a description on them if I touch the gate.


    Red Ogre''s Lair


    This novel''s true home is a different platform. Support the author by finding it there.


    The district controlled by the dreaded Red Ogre.


    Enemies: 50


    Blue Ogre''s Lair


    The district controlled by the vicious Blue Ogre.


    Enemies: 50


    Ok, so not totally useless, but not what I was hoping to find. At least I know how many enemies are in each area. I do wonder if the 50 includes the Red and Blue Ogre''s as well. Either way, it would probably be in my best interest to wipe out every enemy before confronting the boss.


    Cause that would be just my luck, to rush the big bad only to find out he can summon all his minions and swarm my ass. I''ve played that game and let me tell you, not fun. So, best to wipe out all the small fry that I could.


    At least I have a small strategy going in, that''s better than nothing I guess. With little other information, it looks like it doesn''t matter which side I start with, so¡­


    Red it is!


    Would you like to enter the Lair of the Red Ogre?


    [Yes] [No]


    Oh, I would. Time to really get this game started. After hitting the yes button, the massive red gates slowly opened, with a deep rumbling sound. Hell, I could feel the damn ground shaking.


    It didn''t make me nervous. Not one little bit. I''m a big, brave boy!


    With the gate fully opened, I walked inside, and let me tell you, there was an immediate difference.


    First off, it was sunny. And I mean so damn bright it was like staring directly into the sun. And wouldn''t you know it, I don''t have any sunscreen. Of course, that brightness was accompanied by a burning heat, like I walked into the middle of the Sahara Desert.


    It took me about a minute for my eyes to adjust to the sheer brightness of the area and already my white top was soaked through. If I was at a bar I could have won a wet t-shirt contest.


    You know those people that say, "But it''s a dry heat"? Fuck those people. Hot is hot, I don''t give a damn how dry it is. And besides, I''m soaking ass wet, so it sure doesn''t feel that damn dry to me.


    Ugh, whatever. I''ll just have to deal with it I guess. No point in bitching for too long, I got shit to do.


    But with this heat, I''m guessing this part of the Dungeon is going to be about fire. And if that''s the case, then the Blue Ogre Lair is probably the opposite. So instead of day, it would be night, and I''ll likely freeze my balls off.


    For making an astute observation, gain 1 Wisdom.


    Wow, you figured all that out on your own. I''m impressed, honestly. I didn''t think you had it in you.


    Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you''re a little asshole. No matter what you say, you can''t take this from me.


    I could actually, but I won''t. You need all the help you can get.


    Ignore him Ushio, you have better things to do.


    After taking a few steps into the Lair, the door behind me closed. And I mean, they closed quick. Made one hell of a commotion too, so I did the appropriate thing, and his inside of an empty barrel that was leaning up against a building.


    And it was a good thing I did, because about 10 seconds later, someone showed up to investigate. It may or may not surprise you to know it was an ogre. Not a red one or a blue one, but a green one.


    It looked less like an ogre and more like a very big goblin. It stood about 7 feet tall, and the only thing it was wearing was a dirty loincloth, and it carried a large, wooden club. Two little horns, though they were more like bumps really, protruded from its head, and its mouth was wide open, with razor sharp teeth poking out in every direction.


    I could hear its breath from here, smell it too, damn mouth breather. This also seemed like a good time to Scan him. Get an idea of what I''m working with. I could see his name above his head, Red Ogre Lackey, but that didn''t tell me much.


    Oh, and it looks like I was right about the star afro guy. Turns out he was Love. While I could feel the need to brag about my superior intelligence, it literally does nothing for me right now.


    Also, I have no one to brag to besides the System, and he''s an asshole who would only mock me. But I''ll know, and that''s good enough.


    Name: Red Ogre''s Lackey


    Level: 4


    Health: 350/350


    Stamina: 210/210


    Reiryoku: 230/230


    Description: A grunt by every definition of the word. Has very little intelligence but is very strong and prone to bouts of excessive violence. Dislikes the cold.


    Is not aware of you.


    Ah Stealth, my new best friend. Together, we shall place our fists firmly up the ass of this green fucker.


    Metaphorically of course. Fisting is not one of the kinks I possess.


    Unfortunately, as I was inside of a barrel, I was unable to sneak out of it properly, so instead I decided to use my brand new Search function. I heard a little ping sound as it activated, revealing the location of several enemies, including the one right in front of me.


    Good, with that done, all I had to do was wait for the giant green asshole to meander away like a good boy, so I could sneak up behind him and snap his neck.


    After nearly a whole freakin'' minute, the not so jolly green jackass finally walked away. I waited until he was out of sight, keeping an eye on him through the mini map, before I left the safety of my barrel.


    He didn''t go very far, which was good for me, but bad for him. However before I went after him and gained some much needed Exp, I decided to conduct a little experiment. I placed my hands on the barrel beside me, and to my utmost joy, it went straight into my Inventory.


    Huzzah! Instant hiding space.


    Barrel  (Common)


    A large, brown barrel big enough for a man to hide inside.


    Durability: 5/5


    {Upgradeable}


    So I can upgrade it huh? Wonder what it would become if I did that? Make it better for hiding maybe, or perhaps it would aid in the making of whiskey? As curious as I am, now is definitely not the time to find out.


    But I now had a mobile hidey-hole, so I''ll count that as a win. Now for my second victory.


    I carefully snuck my way further into the Lair. Being able to see my foes on the Mini-map was a godsend. Sometimes I even surprise myself with my genius.


    The dot indicating Ogre Lackey #1 went up and down an alleyway, in a very predictable pattern. All I had to do now was wait for him to move away from me, sneak up behind him, and wham!


    So that''s what I did. Hiding behind a wall, I could feel the anticipation build up inside me, like an itch I just couldn''t scratch. Or at least, one I shouldn''t scratch in public.


    But I will today! According to my handy dandy Mini-map, the ogre had just turned around. Now I''ve been observing his pattern for a wee bit and whenever he reaches the end of the alley, he stops there for about 6 or 7 seconds.


    Plenty of time for me to lay down the hurt on him. With that said I began to Stealth my way after him. The alley itself wasn''t too long, maybe 20 feet or so, so I didn''t have the luxury of time.


    Not that I needed it. My Stealth Skill may not have been the highest, but it did the job. I crept up on him without him noticing a thing. Perhaps I should think about joining the Second Squad. You know, the one with all the sneaky fucks in it.


    Well, except for the fat one, but he was more the exception than the rule. Nepotism at its finest. Speaking of fine, another perk to joining the squad was the fine and sexy Captain Soifon.


    There was just something about taking that stick out of her ass and replacing it with something else that got my blood pumping. But I''ll leave that to your imagination.


    Anyway, I need to stop thinking about that right now, lest I get too distracted and the ogre hears me. Also, killing him would feel weird if I did it with a boner, you know? So yeah, I''ll think of the sexy ninja assassin another time.


    Back to the action, I was almost upon the ogre now. He''s been stopped for a few seconds, so this would be my best chance. Winding my fist up and activating Power Punch, I unleashed a devastating haymaker to the side of his head.


    There was something very satisfying about pulling off a plan, no matter how simple it may have been. His neck may not have snapped, but he did go down. He wasn''t quite out of it yet, as I could see him twitching a bit, but I''ll fix that little problem soon enough.


    The poor ogre was laying there, confused and possibly concussed, with his Hp well into the red. That''s when I noticed he received a Status Condition.


    Stunned


    You are unable to perform any action until the Stunned Status is removed or has run its course.


    Duration: 7 Seconds


    Damn, that seems broken. Dude is practically helpless. I almost feel bad for what I''m about to do. Not bad enough to stop, of course, but enough that I can give a half hearted apology in my head.


    Seeing as he couldn''t move, I proceeded to stomp on his head over and over again until his head was practically mulch. His Hp hit zero without him ever making a sound, so I''ll count this as a successful Stealth kill.


    As I stood there, breathing somewhat heavily from my exertion, a new screen popped up right in front of my face.


    Stealth has gained a Level.


    You have gained 20 Exp.


    By performing a certain action, you obtain the Ability: Sneak Attack.


    <u>Sneak Attack </u> (Rank *)


    You are a sneaky bitch. By catching your opponent unawares, you can deliver an especially damaging attack.


    -If attack is successful, deal Critical Damage


    -Critical Damage is increased by 100%


    -If opponent is immune to Critical, deal 50% more damage


    Ooh, daddy likey. Any attack that deals an auto Crit is good in my book. And if the fucker just so happens to be immune to Crits, my damage is still increased. Pretty sweet.


    So how much damage did I actually do to this guy. Or how much would I have if I actually had Sneak Attack beforehand.


    Power Punch increased the damage by 50%, which is already good, and Street Fighter further increased it by another 11%. Too bad he was a lower Level than me, so Underdog didn''t apply.


    But with an increased Cirt, the total damage would have increased by about 211%, or just over 3x normal damage. That would have been enough to one shot him. Maybe this Dungeon won''t be as bad as I thought, as long as I take it slow and don''t fuck up.


    Come to think of it, was there a timer on this Dungeon? Hiyori was looking pretty bad before considering she was turning into a damn Hollow.


    There''s no need for you to fear, the Dungeon is not on a timer. I figured you were far too weak and pathetic to succeed in a timely manner, so all you have to do is insure you and the little blonde terror survive. You may praise me whenever you wish.


    That''s good to know I guess. Maybe I should take a nap, considering I have my bed in my inventory. My Hp was a bit low, what with all the poisoning and everything, so getting that up to full would be nice. I''ll make that decision after seeing how this part of the Dungeon goes.


    But more importantly, it was looting time! Let''s see just what this big fucker had on his person, shall we?


    Would you like to loot the body of "Red Ogre''s Lackey"?


    [Yes] [No]


    Come on, do you even need to ask? Take him for all he''s worth!


    Looting¡­


    You have obtained


    -40 Yen


    -Wooden Club


    -Soiled Loincloth


    I almost wept at seeing what I got. Not the club or the, ugh, loincloth, but the money. Sweet, sweet currency. I''ve been wanting you for a long time. And judging by the amount I got, it seems like it was his Level x 10. I''d have to kill and rob a few more to be sure.


    And I might as well check out the other items as well¡­


    Wooden Club  (Common)


    A common drop from a lesser ogre. Large and unwieldy, it takes great strength to use this properly.


    -Increase Damage by 15


    -Durability 4/6


    -Requires 35 Strength to wield


    (Upgradeable)


    Well at least I have a weapon now, so that''s nice. A little extra damage never hurt anybody. Except for whoever is bludgeoned over the head of course. Now let''s check the other drop.


    As much as I don''t want to¡­


    Soiled Ogre Loincloth  (Uncommon)


    A rare drop form a lesser ogre. It may be disgusting and infested with fleas and other things, but it is surprisingly durable, and helps maintain body temperature.


    -Increases Defense by 1


    -Increases Resistance to heat and cold by 5%


    -Durability 8/10


    *Note*


    Soiled clothing cannot be upgraded until they have been cleaned. Try taking it to the laundromat when you get the chance. It may surprise you.


    Oh god, just looking at the thing was making me feel sick. I''m glad it was automatically dumped into my inventory and I don''t have to touch the thing. And even if it did up my Defense, there was no way in hell I was going to wear that thing.


    Also, the note at the end just reminded me of Persona 5. Didn''t the protag have to do something similar there too? Well, hopefully whatever I get from it will be worth the potential STD''s the thing might have.


    Even if the drops were a bit lackluster, I''m still satisfied with my first victory in my first Dungeon. As the body disappeared into light particles, I couldn''t stop the eager grin that forced its way onto my face.


    Enemies remaining: 49


    This was going to be fun.

 Chapter 15

    There was something oh so satisfying about the feeling of bashing someone''s skull in. Something primal¡­ animalistic. A part of the human psyche we thought buried years ago under a false veneer of civility.


    Through a repeated action, you obtain the Ability: Power Smash.


    <u>Power Smash</u> (Rank *)


    With the power of barbarity on your side, bash someone with a blunt object with the force of a pissed off neanderthal.


    -Deals 50% more damage


    -Costs 10 Stamina


    -Can only be used with a blunt weapon


    Damage can be increased by using Reiryoku.


    Well would ya look at that, daddy has a nice new ability to use. What fortuitous timing. Looking down at the ogre beneath me, barely clinging to life, it seems like I had the perfect target to try it out on.


    "Still alive, huh? Let''s fix that, shall we?" I said with a grin, inner psychopath on full display. Sure didn''t take long for him to come out to play, did it. Just a few instances of unrepentant, untraceable murder, and Bob''s your uncle.


    I approached the ogre desperately crawling away from me with a confident swagger. I may or may not be having a power trip at the moment. I raised the club I had looted from the first body above my head and activated my new Ability before dropping it down and caving in his skull.


    That makes number ten. With that most recent murder I was almost to Level 6. Just a couple more and I would have it. Now I just needed to find them.


    After looting the body beneath me, and not getting any disgusting loincloths this time, I looked around me and checked my Map. Where would be a good place to go next? I''d killed off pretty much every enemy in this area, so I guess it was time to head to the next.


    Hang on, it looked like there was one in the building next to me. At least, that''s what the red dot is supposed to mean. Well, who am I to ignore such an invitation?


    Looking closer at my surroundings, I found the door leading inside the building easy enough. But there was an even more important fact about his door that couldn''t be ignored.


    It was open.


    It was like they wanted me to rob them or something. And what was a little breaking and entering compared to the rampant amounts of homicide I''ve been performing? Not like anyone would arrest me.


    Being a gamer was dangerous. Made life seem so insignificant when you could quantify its worth numerically. Oh well, I''m sure I won''t be driven off the deep end. This was just the result of accumulated stress, nothing more.


    Probably.


    Anyway, let us commence with some good old fashioned thievery shall we? Walking through the opened door, the house itself was fairly clean, if a little old fashioned. It was almost like stepping back in time.


    Which made sense if you take into account Hiyori''s age. I mean, she was over a hundred years old, so it figured her Inner world would reflect that. Not sure how I feel about wanting to bang an old lady, but she looked hot so my penis didn''t really care.


    And that''s what''s important. Always take your genitals feelings under consideration before you bang, folks.


    Anyway, continuing into the house, I noticed a few more things. One, the stairs, leading to what I assume is the second floor. Second was a door, likely a closet, on the far wall. Third was the kitchen, which means free food. Not that I was exactly hungry at the moment, but I''m sure future me will appreciate my thoughtfulness.


    But first, the closet. Because all good things are hidden in the closet. Like good old uncle Machio''s .44. Now that I think about it, pretty sure he was a Yakuza. Not that it meant anything now, just an idle thought.


    But now I wanted a nice pew pew. My skill set is seriously lacking in the ranged department, and as fun as sneaking up on someone and robbing them of the gift of life is, that won''t always be a viable option.


    Sometimes, you just need to shoot a guy in the face. Not that I''ve done that before, but now I really want to. Maybe I could try throwing some rocks at someone? With my Strength Stat, I''m sure it would be pretty deadly. Something to think about.


    Tentatively opening the closet door, I was greeted to a sight I did not expect. Like I thought there might be a vacuum in there, or maybe a shrine to Satan, possibly even a blow up doll. But no, what I saw in there was an ogre, who looked just as shocked to see me.


    This one was different from the others. Instead of being green, he was completely black, with dark red eyes glowering at me. He was also a bit scrawnier than the others as well, being several inches shorter with muscles half the size of the others.


    "Ah, wrong door. Pardon me sir, just looking for the bathroom" I said while gently closing the door. I don''t know what he was doing in there, and I don''t want to know. Best to just move on and forget the whole thing ever happened.


    There''s a joke there about coming out of the closet, but I''m above such things.


    But of course, the ogre had different thoughts. He bashed through the closet door with an angry, affronted roar. His red eyes focused on me with the intensity of a fat kid who just saw a birthday cake.


    Using the Scan Ability revealed him to be a Shadow Ogre. Go figure. He was a higher Level then the others I''ve fought so far, at Level 9, so that was slightly concerning. His Hp was lower though, so that was good.


    However, that joy was mitigated somewhat by the chain sickle he started swinging around. Fuck, don''t tell me he was some kind of ninja ogre? That would be just my luck. But what was he doing in the closet?


    Questions for later, as I had to duck underneath a sickle flying towards my head. And let me tell you, that thing was fast!


    "Hey, come on! Can''t we talk about this? I''m sorry for interrupting whatever you were doing in there! I swear, I won''t tell anyone!" I shouted at him, but that only seemed to make him angrier.


    Did he know I was lying? Because I was definitely going to tell the next ogre I saw. Before, you know, killing him. So it''s not like it would even matter if I spilled the beans, right?


    The Kusarigama sped towards me once more and I managed to twist my head out of the way again. But this time, instead of just dodging, I grabbed the chain, not allowing the ogre to recall his weapon.


    You see, that''s the weakness of a weapon like this. As cool as it may be, once someone grabs it, you''re up a creek without a paddle. And if that person just so happens to be stronger than you, that creek turns into roaring rapids real damn fast.


    With a savage grin on my face I began to pull the ogre towards me, and let me tell you, his face was absolutely priceless. A combination of confused and shocked, as he looked around, as if asking if anyone else could see this.


    But unfortunately for him, there was no one else around. Great for me, but for him, well¡­


    Our game of tug of war continued, as I slowly but surely dragged him closer and closer to me. He tried to resist, but he simply lacked the strength to do so. I assume his main Stat was Agility, which would do nothing for him here. Maybe if he caught me in the street and ambushed me, I''d have been in trouble. But here, in this enclosed space?


    He was my bitch.


    After about 30 seconds or so, we were basically face to face, with him being maybe two feet from me. The whole time I wrestled him towards me, I kept eye contact with him. I wanted him to know who the big dog was, and it sure as shit wasn''t him.


    Honestly, I don''t know why he didn''t just let go and run, get some friends and jump my ass in a random alley. It''s what I would have done. Except, I have no friends, at least not in this place.


    But instead, he tried to overpower me. His Intelligence must have been at an all time low. You''d think the ninja ogre would be a bit smarter than his normal relatives, but apparently not.


    Or maybe I just got a stupid one? Who knows.


    But as I stared into his eyes, his mouth wide open in shock, I raised my leg, ever so slowly, so he knew what was about to happen, and brought my foot down right on his knee.


    All with a smile on my face.


    The ogre roared in agony, dropping the other half of the weapon and falling to the floor, his leg bent in the wrong direction. I cringed a little bit at seeing it, my bloodlust dissipating slightly. Not enough to prevent me from executing him, of course, but enough to wipe the grin off my face.


    If you stumble upon this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.


    I don''t know if it was simply human nature that was making me act so brutally, my Gamer powers, or even the atmosphere of this place. Hell, it could be a combination of all three. All I know is I would have to watch it once I leave this place.


    Anyway, it seems as if I found a new Status Ailment, as well as a new Skill. Let''s see¡­


    <u>Crippled</u>


    Depending on where the injury is inflicted, several Stats may be halved, such as Agility, Strength, Movement Speed, Hp Regeneration, and Stamina Regeneration. Crippled Status lasts until the injury in question heals.


    -Leg Injury: Agility, Movement Speed, and Stamina Regeneration all halved.


    <u>Steal</u>  (1/100)


    Does someone have something that you want? Well just take it then! Why should they have nice things, huh?


    -1% chance to rob someone of their possessions without them knowing


    -100% to rob someone one if you don''t give a shit about them knowing


    Allows you to steal drop items from dungeon monsters. The higher the rarity, the lower the chance. Higher levels of Steal Increases odds of getting rarer items.


    Common: 60%


    Uncommon: 30%


    Rare: 15%


    Epic: 7.5%


    Legendary: 1%


    Well now, isn''t that interesting. It''s not as broken as Stunned seems to be, but Crippled is a pretty dangerous Ailment nonetheless. At least I know this guy wouldn''t be getting away anytime soon.


    Not that I planned to let him in the first place.


    And now I can also rob people systematically. It might be a good idea to Steal from the monsters in here to level it up so I can rob normal people without them knowing about it. I don''t care if they know about it in here, since I would just kill them afterward, but I can''t get away with that in the real world.


    Taking a look at the item I stole from the ogre, I was slightly surprised by its Stats.


    <u>Heavy Kusarigama</u>  (Rare)


    A large and thick Kusarigama used by the Shadow Ogres. Takes great Strength and finesse to wield properly.


    -Damage 30


    -Durability 9/11


    -Special action: Chain Trap


    <u>Chain Trap</u>


    Wraps the chain around an opponent or an item they wield to prevent movement or use of said item. Wrapped enemies are immobilized unless they can escape the chains.


    Requires 25 Strength to wield


    Requires 25 Agility to wield


    Not bad. Not bad at all. Definitely an upgrade from the clubs I got, though I don''t have the Agility to use it properly, at least not in my human form. Thankfully, as I am currently a spirit, I can use it just fine.


    Looks like I was going full on rogue build at this point. I doubt anyone would see it coming at the very least. A dude with my body type does not a normal rogue make. A barbarian for sure, but not a rogue.


    Anyway, back to the murder at hand. I now have a fancy new weapon that I stole from this asshole. He had it coming in my opinion. I mean, I apologized for interrupting his private time and everything. He brought this on himself.


    Kicking the Crippled ogre onto his stomach, which sounds worse than it really is, I stomped on his back to prevent him from moving and proceeded to wrap the chain of the Kusarigama around his neck, just as casual as could be.


    I then went ahead and began to strangle him. Oh he tried to resist, grasping at the chain in manic desperation, clawing at his throat in an attempt to remove the object cutting off the flow of oxygen. His nails bit into the flesh of his neck, creating deep wounds leaking a stream of blood that pooled around him.


    But unfortunately for him, I was too strong, so his attempts were nothing more than an act of futility. I watched dispassionately as his Health bar trickled lower and lower. It was slow at first, but began to pick up speed the longer I choked him, until eventually, after nearly a minute of struggle¡­


    It hit zero.


    He went limp, all fight removed from his lifeless body. He lay there, covered in blood, gouges of his flesh carved from his neck by his own hands, and yet, I felt little in the way of pity.


    Because at the end of the day, no matter how they acted, they weren''t real. They were merely a simulacrum of life, a pale imitation, and I would not feel sadness over such creatures. Especially when they had no qualms about killing me.


    Congratulations! You have gained a Level!


    -Hp has increased by 10


    -Stamina has increased by 10


    -Reiryoku has increased by 10


    -You have gained 2 Stat points


    Well would you look at that, Level 6. What a nice way to cap off this little experience. Let''s just put those points into Spirit shall we, no point in debating it. At this rate, I might even gain another Level before I have to face the Red Ogre.


    But before that, I had a body to loot. I already stole his Rare drop, so that was out. His loincloth looked different, but I refused to try and Steal one of those. I did not need to fight a bare assed ogre flopping his dick all over the place.


    That was my job!


    That being said, I did get a whopping 90 Yen, which was pretty sweet. So far I''ve gained about 500 Yen from this place, which increased my net worth by about 50%. Sad, I know, but someday, I would have fuck you money, just you wait and see!


    But until then, it''s the pauper life for me! After looting the corpse of the Shadow Ogre, it dissipated into light particles, just like all the rest. Another reason I didn''t feel bad about the murdering of these things, I didn''t have to see the bodies afterward. Not for long anyway.


    WIth that done, I could now explore the rest of the house, starting with the kitchen. I was a bit surprised at the fact they have a refrigerator, considering how dated the place was, but I wasn''t about to look that gift horse in the mouth.


    Opening it up, I found a nice selection of meats. A nice, thick ham, some turkey, chicken, and a big old plate of bacon. Not even the tiniest scrap of anything green. It looks like ogres are carnivores, good to know.


    I did find some bread though, so maybe not. I can make a sandwich later, at the very least, so I won''t complain too much. Could have used a bit of mayo for it though, but whatever.


    See, I only complained a little.


    With that done, I made my way upstairs, and what I saw there made me question everything I believed in. God, Santa, and everything in between. There was only one room, a bedroom to be more specific, with two large beds and a nightstand in between them.


    That''s not the weird thing. No, that was reserved for the regular green ogre strapped to it. His hands and feet were tied to the bed posts with rope, a blindfold covered his eyes, and a ball gag was in his mouth.


    ¡­What the fuck did I just walk in on? These were some kinky ass ogres. Wait a second, wasn''t this in Hiyori''s head? Does that mean she''s into stuff like this? Because I could see it.


    The real question was, does she prefer to do the tying, or being tied? I''m up for either one, if I''m honest. But now is not the time to be thinking about a tied up Hiyori squirming on a bed.


    Later, for sure. But not now.


    Now the ogre in question could not see me, because of the, you know, blindfold. But what he could do, was hear me. And he must have been looking forward to whatever the hell was about to happen here, because he immediately, upon hearing my footsteps, began to get excited.


    If you know what I mean.


    Out of everything that had happened today, looking down at a horny ogre panting with need while tied to a bed, had to have been the weirdest of all. And that was saying something.


    Luckily I know just how to handle this. Poor guy was about to die before ever coming close to cumming. Ah but such is life.


    I placed the tip of the sickle against his chest, lining it up with his heart. He shivered in anticipation, likely thinking this was some sort of sex play. Too bad for him, it was not. I mean, he was about to be penetrated, just not in the way he was probably hoping.


    Next I removed one of the clubs from my Inventory. Thankfully I''m strong enough to wield it single handedly, and was thus able to raise it above my head. Hammer, prepare to meet nail.


    I swung the club down, using my Power Smash Ability to hit the back of the sickle, sending it straight into his heart. The blade pierced all the way through his body, coming out of his back and impaling the bed.


    He let out a confused groan, before throwing up blood. Thankfully, he was wearing that ball gag so it didn''t end up all over the place. He would die, thinking he was betrayed by his lover. How sad...


    Well, time to loot the body! More money and a brand new club. How nice. But what was more intriguing was the loincloth. Now a filthy ogre''s crotch cover might not seem all that impressive, and normally you would be right, but this one was a bit different.


    Soiled Loincloth of the Gigachad Ogre (Rare)


    A loincloth belonging to a particularly well-endowed ogre. Made from finer materials than other loincloths, this garment reduces Affection loss with women. Affection with women cannot fall below 0. Can only be worn by those who possess Big Dick Energy.


    -Increases Defense by 2


    -Reduces Affection loss from women by 1


    Durability 9/10


    *Note*


    Soiled clothing cannot be upgraded until they have been cleaned. Try taking it to the laundromat when you get the chance. It may surprise you.


    Well what do you know? Looks like Mr. Bondage here was hiding a nice little treat for little old me. I don''t like the way I said that, but I did and there''s no going back. I''m not sure how comfortable a loincloth is going to be but there''s no way I wasn''t going to wear it after a good cleaning.


    Because I sure as shit wasn''t putting it on before a trip to the laundromat. That just wasn''t going to happen. I have no idea how these ogres all soiled their britches, but I refused to allow that to touch my fragile undercarriage.


    As the ogre disappeared, leaving behind four ropes tied to the bed as the only evidence of him ever existing, I searched the rest of the room, hoping to take whatever valuables they may have remaining.


    Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. Cheap bastards. Just because I have a new weapon and fancy underwear that makes women put up with my bullshit, doesn''t mean you shouldn''t have a safe or something.


    Ah whatever, I''ll just take my win and leave. I''m sick of this place anyway.


    Heading back down the stairs, I made my way towards the exit. But before I could leave this accursed place, I glanced back at the closet, where this all began. My curiosity getting the better of me, I decided to see just what the Shadow Ogre was up to.


    I mean, unless he was making a trip to the spank bank, there had to be a reason he was in there right? Although, considering what was in the bedroom upstairs, maybe I don''t want to know.


    Too late! I''m already here. Looking inside the closet, I could see absolutely nothing. I mean, I might as well be on the corner of diddly and squat. It was just an empty closet. Does that mean the ogre was just trying to jack it private, before heading up to the bedroom and doing god knows what?


    That doesn''t make any sense. Why would he bother getting off beforehand? No, there had to be another reason he was in here. My gamer senses were tingling.


    Maybe there''s a secret room or something? But what if it''s a creepy sex dungeon? I''m not sure my poor heart could take such a thing. But if it is a dungeon of the sex variety, they may have some kinky loot to find.


    I looked around the small space, looking for anything that might tip me off. And wouldn''t you know it, there was a smudge mark on the far wall. Like someone placed their dirty little ogre hands all over it.


    And now I have to touch it¡­ Gross.


    Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I just had to nut up and fondle the wall. How hard can that be?


    "Oh god, why is it moist?" I whined as I touched the smudge spot. With a grimace on my face, I pushed against the spot and lo and behold, it was a secret switch.


    Hearing a clicking sound, the wall to my right began to slide open, revealing a hole in the floor with a ladder leading down.


    "Well, well, well, what do we have here?"

 Chapter 16

    I''m not entirely sure what I was staring at. There, along the wall, was clearly a tarp of some kind. I imagine it was intended to allow whatever was behind it, likely an ogre in this case, to blend in with the wall behind him.


    The path I was on looked like an old mineshaft, with large wooden beams, 6x8 by the look of them, preventing the ceiling from coming down on my head. Which I appreciated. Next to the beams was nothing but dirt, so you''d think they could properly hide themselves with their fancy ninja gadgetry.


    But whoever was behind the thing was clearly stupid. Or perhaps he was dropped on his head as a little baby ogre. There was no plausible reason he should be this incompetent.


    It was like watching Naruto. You know that one kid, Konohamaru, and how utter shit he was at hiding? It was like that, but with a grown ass monster. Well, luckily for the rest of them, natural selection was about to come around and clean up the gene pool.


    Honestly, I''m not sure how they could tolerate such a shabby employee. He was obviously an incompetent; best to simply remove such people from your employ, lest they impact your bottom line.


    In this case, that line was survival.


    But you know, it wasn''t just the tarp that was going the wrong way, the ogre behind it was also a mouth breather. I could hear him from here. Starting to think I was about to do them a huge favor. I should probably charge them for it. I can see the commercial for it now.


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    Might have to workshop the name¡­


    I mean, why was he even trying to pretend he was still hidden? I''ve been standing there for about a minute now, staring right at him. Did he have the intelligence of a frog or something?


    "You know I can see you, right?" I asked sarcastically. Nothing. He said nothing in response to my statement. Little asshole must think he''s better than me. Well, I''ll show him! I tried to be nice, give him a fighting chance, and he threw my generosity right back in my face, like a used condom on prom night.


    Don''t ask.


    So without further ado, I spartan kicked the tarp on the wall.


    -53 Hp


    You are now  Bleeding


    Time remaining: 2:00


    "Ah, mother bitch," I screamed in pain. What the fuck was that!? Looking at the wall I was sure contained an mentally challenged ogre, the tarp fell down to reveal a wall of spikes instead. Ones that were currently going through my foot.


    Ripping my foot out of the spikes, I glared at them with all the hatred of a pissed off Darth Vader. Why the fuck are those there!? And where the fuck is the ogre!? I could still hear him, sucking up all the oxygen he could.


    Hang on a second, didn''t the dungeon description say something about this? Let''s see¡­


    <u>Lair of the Shadow Ogres</u>  (1 of 2)


    The Shadow Ogres are a secretive and mysterious sect of ogres who maintain peace and stability amongst their kind. Trained in various arts, such as stealth, weapons, martial arts, ventriloquism, and more, they are capable of handling almost any task they are given. They are particularly fond of ambushes.


    Oh god damn it! This is why I need to remember the things I read! The description of the last Shadow Ogre I fought said something similar, now that I think about it.


    Now I just feel like a jackass for staring at a wall for a whole damn minute, and then giving it a warning. I''m sure glad no one is around to see this.


    *Snicker*


    Oh¡­ I forgot about this asshole. "Alright, just get it out of your system. I have better things to do."


    You¡­ you should have seen your face! It was all like "Wuh?" Pfft, hahaha, oh my god my sides are killing me! And I don''t even have those!


    "Are you done yet?" I asked with a twitchy eye.


    Almost. Hang on, just give me a-Pfft hahaha! It was just so goddamn funny! You could give one hell of a footjob now, can''t ya big guy!


    I sighed as I listened to the bane of my existence giggle at me. I looked at my Minimap, the one that was supposed to tell me where enemies were and shit, the one I was so proud of for getting.


    I know it doesn''t show hidden monsters at its current Rank, but the bigger issue was the side dungeon I found myself in. It blocked my Map features entirely. So even if it did show me enemies, I wouldn''t have been able to see them anyway.


    And it''s not like I could see an enemy that wasn''t there in the first place. Damn, they really got me with this one. Not sure how they knew I was going to kick it though. Or was there some other purpose to it?


    It was clearly a trap, now that I take a minute to think about it. And now that the giggling has died down. But how was it a trap exactly? Clearly I was supposed to be able to see it, but why? What purpose did that serve?


    Unless¡­


    Reading the description of the Dungeon again, there was one point that stuck out to me. They are particularly fond of ambushes. Oh shit¡­ Does that mean what I think it means?


    You might want to look behind you.


    Hearing the condescending tone of the System, who I really needed to name-


    No you don''t.


    -made me realize just what this trap was for. An ambush. And I fell right into it. The heavy breathing I could hear from before was now right behind me. Ventriloquism, that sneaky bastard.


    Before I could turn around, I felt a chain wrap around my neck. The chain itself was familiar in design, as it mimicked my stolen one perfectly. That could only mean one thing.


    Forcing my head to swivel, I saw the visage of a Shadow Ogre, giving me a grin. He must think he''s really fucking clever. We''ll see who has the last laugh, asshole.


    I watched as my Hp started to drop. Like the ogre I strangled earlier, it started off slow and picked up speed. But my woes didn''t end there, because I now see the purpose of the spikes.


    The ogre behind me was pushing me towards them, intent on impaling me. Unfortunately for me, he took me by surprise, so I was sent forward a few steps before I could stop myself. But rather than let my whole body be impaled, I used my already bloody foot to stop myself.


    Thankfully my shoes stopped me from skewering myself again. The force being not nearly enough to pierce through the thin rubber soles. However, that doesn''t change the fact that I need new shoes.


    Those dirty, rotten little bastards. Maybe I''ll just steal some shoes from them? See how they like it!


    Looking down revealed a fatal flaw in my otherwise ingenious plan. They weren''t wearing any shoes. How fiendishly clever of them.


    Anyway, I need to do something about the jackass behind me and seeing the pointy object in front of me gave me an idea. Why not use their own trap against them. Poetry if I''ve ever heard it.


    So, bending my leg, I used all my strength to launch myself backwards. Thankfully, it worked, and the ogre behind me wasn''t strong enough to stop me. Man do I love muscle power.


    Before he could correct himself, I twisted my body around, forcing him to do the same. The spikes were now behind me, and the ogre was between me and them. He seemed to realize my plan and tried to force me to go a different way.


    But that wasn''t going to happen. The power of my muscles were simply too great to overcome, and they longed for vengeance. So every time he pulled me in one direction or the other, I would pull him right back.


    As this was happening, a secondary struggle was occurring, as I slowly but surely drove him backwards, towards the spikes. Soon enough, I felt my progress halt, and the ogre grunted in pain. So, with a vicious smile on my face, I forced him backwards even more.


    The spikes themselves were maybe 5 or 6 inches long and let me tell you, hurt like a bitch going through you. Something the ogre seemed to agree with, as I forced inch after inch inside him.


    I know how that sounds but you know what I mean. Get your mind out of the gutter!


    I felt something warm and wet drench my head, and by the gurgling sounds he was making, he must have thrown up a good amount of blood. Good, that means he was just about done for.


    So, with one final, hard push, the last bit of spike went through him. I could feel the tip poking me in the back. Again, not like that, you perverts!


    The chain around my neck slackened, as the ogre finally died with one final choking sob. Stepping away from the body that was now stuck to the wall, I felt the tension leave me as I slumped over.


    Man that was close. I can''t let my guard down for a second in here. The first Shadow Ogre I fought really colored my opinion of them, because they were far more dangerous than I gave them credit for.


    A mistake that almost cost me. And to think I was berating them for their incompetence.


    My Hp was pretty low, but it was climbing fast. Must be because the damage came from being strangled, and now that my pretty little neck no longer had anything wrapped around it, it was regenerating quickly.


    Good, but I still needed to rest. At least until my foot stops bleeding and I can walk at least somewhat normally. But that can wait until after I loot that asshole skewered on the wall.


    Or as I like to call it, recycling.


    After doing my civic duty, as any good citizen should, it was time to enter a state of deep Meditation. Hopefully that will stop the throbbing pain in my foot. The Bleeding Status might have stopped but it still hurt like a bitch.


    But doing so out in the open rubbed me the wrong way, like getting a happy ending at a Taiwanese massage parlor. I do not like getting a rub down from a girl with an adams apple and a noticeable bulge.


    Now where oh where shall I hide? I couldn''t go far, not with my foot the way it is, so I need to find somewhere close I can hobble to. Looking up and down the dirt path I was walking, there didn''t seem to be any immediate turns I could take.


    The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.


    However, that''s when a brilliant idea popped into my head. Well, brilliant or stupid. For you see, I just remembered I have a barrel big enough to hide in. Not sure how well meditating in a barrel will go, but hey, first time for everything.


    Also not sure if they were stupid enough to actually ignore a random barrel sitting in their hideout, but I didn''t have any better ideas. Besides ignoring my foot and not being a little bitch about having a hole in it.


    And even if they did have the brains to inspect the barrel, that would just give me the opportunity to ambush them.


    I think you know which option I chose.


    Moving away from the scene that looked like it belonged in a slasher flick, I removed the barrel from my Inventory. Look at her¡­ Isn''t she beautiful? The Miss Universe of barrels.


    And this pretty little lady was all mine.


    Now all that''s left is to get inside her. Climbing into a barrel large enough to hide myself in with a bum foot was a bit more difficult than I expected, and it may have looked more like falling to the untrained eye, but soon I was nestled safely within the confines of her most sacred place.


    I must be way more hard up than I thought if I''m thinking dirty thought about a fucking barrel. Whatever, that''s an issue for future me to deal with. Present me is currently wiggling around inside of a barrel, trying to get comfortable enough to Meditate.


    Since I''ve only been spending maybe an hour a day on this Skill, it wasn''t nearly as high as I would like it to be. But still, a 10% increase was better than nothing, and as soon as I found a comfortable position that didn''t make my back feel like a pretzel, I focused on my breathing.


    In and out¡­


    In and out¡­


    I could feel my heartbeat slow as Meditation activated. Now I just need to wait a while, maybe an hour or two, and I should be good to go. My Hp restored itself to full from 0 in roughly 24 hours, meaning I regained about 4.4% an hour or 42 points. Meditation brings that up to 4.8% so I would get back 46 points instead.


    Not the fastest recovery in the world, but it would have to do. Hopefully recovering about 10% of my max would let me move normally. If not, I''d just have to deal with it.


    My Stamina and Reiryoku recovered much faster, going from 0 to 100 in about 16 hours or so. Made my bed all the more worth it. And though I could have whipped it out and taken a nap, I wasn''t about to risk it in a place like this.


    And not just because I was afraid I''d wake up next to a horny ogre with whiskey on his breath. But after what I saw in the house, I wasn''t willing to risk it.


    As I sat there, in the darkness of the barrel, eyes closed, breathing slow, and heart calm, I felt my eyelids grow heavy. It shouldn''t be a surprise they did, I was completely exhausted by the night''s events.


    I''ve been able to ignore it for a while now, considering my life has been in a constant state of danger. First from the poison, then from the loli, and now from the ogres. But it caught up to me, and now I greeted Morpheus like an old friend.


    I''m not sure how long I was asleep for, only that I was awoken most rudely. My head hit the lid of the barrel. "Ah, fuck!" I swore; and loudly too. I looked around the darkness of my barrel, wondering where I was, before the memory of my plan returned to me.


    Right, I was meditating, trying to regain a bit of Hp and heal my foot enough to walk without a limp. And then¡­ nothing. Shit, I must have fallen asleep. But that doesn''t explain why my head hit the lid.


    Did somebody move me? But why? The who I could figure out, as the only enemies are the ogres. But why they were transporting me was another matter. They obviously found the barrel, but instead of killing me, they decide to give me a ride? Are they taking me to their leader?


    That means I couldn''t say the line! You know, "Take me to your leader." That one! I''ve always wanted to say that to somebody, and now they''ve ruined my chance. Dirty, rotten bastards.


    That''s assuming they are in fact the ogres. Just because they happen to be the primary enemies in this dungeon, didn''t mean they were the only ones. I wouldn''t put it past the System to add in some other group of assholes for me to fight.


    Maybe I should jump out and punch them in the face, like that one scene from One Piece. You know, when Luffy shot out of the barrel he was sleeping in in the very first episode.


    Good times, good times.


    But unfortunately for me I believe I lost the oh so important element of surprise. When I swore after bumping my noggin, I assume they heard me. I could hear them chatter in a language I didn''t understand.


    But what I did understand was the sound of their footsteps approaching. That was less than ideal. Be that as it may, they still didn''t know it was me inside this thing. Why they didn''t peek inside was a mystery I didn''t care to solve. I just assume they were the less intelligent members of their species.


    And that was all I needed to assume.


    I heard them come to a stop on either side of my barrel, Samantha. Yeah, that''s right, I named my barrel Samantha. Got a problem with that?


    Anyway, as I heard them come to a stop by Samantha, I prepared to execute a plan most daring. Listen to this, when they open the lid, I''ll pop out, but instead of punching them, I''ll smack them in the face with a club.


    Easy peasy lemon squeezy.


    The lid above me rattled as the anticipation within me grew even higher. The lid slowly came off the top of the barrel. Any second now¡­


    Suddenly, a loud, growling noise halted the ogre''s progress, the lid slamming back down onto Samantha. That was no way to treat a lady! Now I''m even more eager to give them a piece of my mind.


    I heard them say something in whatever language they were speaking, making me groan to myself. Couldn''t they just speak Japanese? Was that too much to ask for? We are in Japan, you know!


    I mean, not technically. In reality we were in the head of an angry midget, but that''s beside the point! The angry midget was in Japan, ergo, they should speak the fucking language!


    Whatever¡­ It seems like whoever entered was demanding something from them. I don''t know what, because again, they weren''t speaking Japanese. But whatever it was, apparently involved me, or more accurately, my hiding spot, because I immediately felt Samantha go on the move.


    I kind of felt like I just got cock blocked. There I was, ready to whip out my big, hard piece of wood and give it to them, when some asshole comes around and changes their mind!


    What terrible customer service! I should call their support hotline! I may not be able to understand the underpaid employee on the other end, but by god they would know my frustration!


    Or maybe I''ll just kill them all. At least then I wouldn''t be put on hold for an hour.


    Anyway, travel by barrel was not the most comfortable experience. It was like riding down an old gravel road in a car with absolutely no suspension. Doable, but your ass would be sore afterwards.


    Again, just like the Taiwanese massage parlor.


    But seeing as I now had some time to kill, I thought it prudent to check my Status, see how much Hp I recovered. Commanding the screen to appear, it looks like I got back¡­ about half what I wanted.


    Well shit¡­ My foot didn''t hurt too bad, so I''ll still call it a win. My plan wasn''t stupid, and you can''t tell me otherwise.


    ¡­Maybe I should invest some points into Intelligence. Just a thought.


    After about five minutes or so of bumpy travel, I could hear something in the distance. It sounded like a frat party. I may not understand the language, but I know the sound of drunken assholes when I hear them.


    I could also hear the sound of drums beating in no way, shape or form to any kind of rhythm. My guess is they were just drunk and felt like beating the shit out of the drums, but they could just as easily be tone deaf.


    My unknowing captors placed me rather harshly on the ground, making me bump my head again. So that must be what happened the first time. At least I didn''t swear this time.


    Whatever festivities they had going on must have been something, cause these guys are loud as hell. Waiting until I heard the sound of the ogre''s who had brought me here to walk away, I gently and quietly opened Samantha''s lid to see what was going on.


    The room itself was big and cavernous, and unlike the hallway I meandered through before, seemed to be a natural formation. Festive lanterns decorated the walls and ceiling, hanging from pitons jammed into them.


    A large bonfire roared in the center of the room, with drunken ogres dancing around it. And let me tell you, they weren''t winning any contest. They looked more like gorillas being tasered. The only things they were missing were the lampshades over their heads.


    Like I thought, ogres were having one hell of a good time. Each and every one that I could see were Shadow Ogres. Kind of weird that the ninja ogres were the ones partying it up, but hey, whatcha gonna do?


    Me, imma get the fuck out of here. There were way too many of them to take on by myself. I counted at least 9, and there were probably more out on patrol or something. And that wasn''t counting the big fucker sitting on a stone looking throne at one end of the room, surveying all beneath his domain.


    Next to his throne was a long katana, with a blade around 4 feet in length. The saya was dark purple, almost black, and light purple cloth tied around the top half. The handle was long with a matching color to the cloth ties around the saya and it had a round tsuba..


    Now, when I say he''s a big fucker, that''s compared to the other big fuckers in the room. Ogres weren''t small, most of them topping around 9 feet. But this guy was easily a head above them, and that''s me being generous.


    Let''s see just who you are, shall we?


    Scanning¡­


    60 seconds¡­


    59 seconds¡­


    Ok, while we''re waiting on that to finish up, let''s take another look around, shall we. I couldn''t see much from my position, but it appeared they had a decent assortment of food, lined up on a rough worn wooden table. Several of them stood around it like it was the water cooler at an office, making small talk.


    You''d think after finding that bloody mess they''d be a little more alert. Maybe they just thought he got drunk and triggered the trap himself? Or maybe they didn''t know at all, considering the bodies disappear after I recycle their belongings.


    But that still doesn''t explain why they just took a random barrel deeper into their hideout. Maybe they¡­


    Hold the phone¡­ what''s this I see? Looks like Samantha has some family members. I could spot several barrels scattered around the room. Ogres stood by these as well, dipping large cups into them before taking deep, guttural swigs.


    They were very vocal about the whole thing. Not sure I liked it¡­


    If I had to guess, they were likely filled with alcohol. I couldn''t Scan the darn things until my previous one was done. But that was just¡­ about¡­ done!


    <u>Shadow Ogre Boss</u>


    Age: 35


    Level: 12


    Health: 994/994


    Stamina: 660/660


    Reiryoku: 744/744


    Description: A leader of the Shadow Ogre Syndicate. He appears ruthless on the outside but on the inside, he''s just as ruthless. Has a room full of severed heads removed from the bodies of intruders. An expert in Ninjutsu, he excels in ambush tactics and guerilla warfare. The only thing he enjoys more than killing is partying, and will look for any excuse to have a good time. His favored drink is Ayakashi Spring Sake.


    Status Ailment: Drunk


    Ok, so that has me just a wee bit concerned. His everything is higher than mine! That''s just bullshit. But at the very least he doesn''t like a straight up fight, so maybe he won''t be as tough as I think.


    Also, what the hell does Drunk do? Maybe that will help? Unless of course he just so happens to be a master of Drunken Fist or something. But there''s no way my luck could be that bad, right?


    <u>Drunk</u>


    Through excessive consumption of alcohol you have lost the ability to walk in a straight line, piss without making a mess, and rub your belly while patting your head.


    Agility -25%


    Accuracy -50%


    Coordination -25%


    Increased chance of becoming Enraged


    Huh, well that''s handy. Maybe I won''t be bent over one of these barrels afterall? Good, because I didn''t want Samantha to see that. And if the big guy''s description is anything to go by, I''m guessing these barrels are filled with that Ayakashi Spring Sake.


    A quick Scan confirmed that belief. And that gave me an idea. If he loved the stuff so much, I''d make sure his next drink is to die for.


    Luckily I had a nice full barrel of the stuff right next to me. Scanning it confirmed it was indeed Ayakashi Spring Sake. Perfect, with that I can put my ingenious plan into motion.


    As you may or may not have guessed, I do not plan to take them in a straight up fight. Instead, I plan to use their love of alcohol against them, by poisoning a barrel, like the one right next to me.


    With what poison you may ask? Well, that''s simple! Karin provided me with a nice big pot of the stuff. I''m sure mixing a handful or two of her curry with the sake will work wonders.


    But I can''t poison all of them. That might sound like a good idea, but that would likely just alert them to an intruder. But if I only poison one of them, say¡­ the boss, well, he might just think some of his men intended to betray him, take his place. If that happens, I''m sure he''ll react more than a bit violently.


    Being Drunk did make it easier to Enrage him after all. Not to mention the potential hallucinogenic effects of consuming the curry. Who knows what the poor guy is going to see?


    My guess is demons. Or bees. Or demon bees!


    Now I just need to figure out a way to get to the boss''s private barrel. Looking around him, I happen to notice a drop off behind him, likely from a cliff. If so, I can drop to the ledge and maneuver my way over like I''m Nathan freaking Drake.


    If this doesn''t work, I am screwed. I know I said I was going to just leave earlier, but I have a good feeling about this plan of mine. It''ll work, you''ll see.


    Now to put it into motion. Making sure there were no ogres gazing in my direction, I placed the barrel I was hiding in into my Inventory, rather than climb out of it. Thankfully it worked, and I felt real clever about that one. Wish I would have thought of it the first time I hid inside Samantha, but oh well.


    Next I carefully and quietly removed the lid from the barrel next to me, which was much easier than you might think. The noise of the room covered up any noise I made while doing so.


    Next I brought out the curry, hoping they didn''t hear the moaning the abomination of cooking made upon its release. You know, part of me wants to release this thing in Hueco Mundo and see what happens. Maybe it''ll fuck up all of Aizen''s plans.


    But the fear of how strong it could get made me think twice about it. Just imagine that thing, roaming around the desert of the Hollow world, consuming all in its path. That''s some scary shit right there.


    Anyway I had to act fast, as the smell of the curry was overpowering. With no utensils to aid me, I had no choice but to thrust my hand inside the pot, trying to hold back a scream as my hand was burned.


    Did I really have this shit inside me? The fuck was I thinking? No wonder it basically killed me.


    Grabbing a large handful of the goop, I chucked it into the pristine barrel of booze, forever tainting its purity. I did this until the name of the sake changed to Tainted Ayakashi Spring Sake.


    That''ll do.


    Putting the curry back in my inventory and doing the same with the tainted sake, I looked around once more to see if anyone had spotted me. Nope, they were too drunk to pay much attention to anything. That doesn''t mean I''ll let my guard down though.


    That was the easy part, now comes the hard part. Made even more difficult by the throbbing of my right hand due to that damnable curry, I cautiously lowered myself over the edge. Below me, I could faintly hear the sound of running water, maybe from a river.


    So if things go south and I have to yeet myself off a cliff, I might not die. Good to know.


    The stinging pain in my hand made it somewhat arduous to move along the edge, but I managed with only the smallest amount of mental cursing. I couldn''t go fast, as I couldn''t risk being heard, which only made the trip harder.


    But eventually, I did make it over to the boss, being right behind his chair. Good, now I just need to be a sneaky sneak for a little while longer.


    Climbing back into solid ground, I slowly and mindfully made my way towards my victim. I made sure each time I put my size fourteens down there wasn''t some random fucking stick or something conveniently placed there ready to F me in the A.


    Being behind the massive stone throne also made it easier to hide from the others as well. So even though my nerves were turned up to 11, I successfully reached the back of the throne.


    Peeking out from behind the thing, I saw a large, meaty hand holding a goblet dip itself into the booze. Good, seems like he was still thirsty. And the barrel beside him wasn''t so empty that he would notice a change in volume.


    All that was left was the exchange. This was absolutely the most dangerous part. I was right next to the biggest threat in this place and just because he was drunk, didn''t mean I could win. Especially not with all his cohorts who I''m sure would love to jump me.


    I waited until I saw his cup rise again to take a drink, and quickly snatched his barrel away into my Inventory. Man am I glad doing that doesn''t make a noise. Once it was secured, I swapped in the tainted barrel, with him being none the wiser.


    Mission complete. Now to wait for the fireworks to start¡­

 Chapter 17

    There was something profoundly irritating about waiting for something to happen that you know is going to happen. I know the giant ogre is going to take a nice big gulp of tainted alcohol, but he decided now, of all times, to pace himself.


    I''d normally applaud such self restraint, at least when that self restraint did not run counter to my own ambitions. In this case, that meant the death of every single person here.


    Do ogres count as people? I mean normal ones, sure, but these are imaginary manifestations inside the head of a little old lady. A little old lady who was remarkably attractive, but still.


    Time ticked on ever so slowly as ogres danced and partied the twilight away and I remained hidden behind a stone chair. Perhaps it was a good thing this is taking so long. Lets the rest of them get even more shitfaced than they already are. I''m sure that can only be a good thing.


    After several agonizing minutes passed, the Shadow Ogre Boss finally ran out of his cup. Perfect. Now as long as he wasn''t suddenly on the road to sobriety, I should be good to go.


    Luckily for me and my sanity, or what little I ever had of it, Mr. Ogre was indeed ready, willing and able to continue the party. I watched in eager anticipation as he dipped his cup into the barrel, lifting up a nice, full goblet of liquid agony.


    He gave the goblet a look, and for a moment I worried he had discovered the treachery too early. But my fears abated as he took a nice big swig of the stuff. Not the best idea, but he didn''t know that.


    It didn''t take long for him to realize something was wrong. Probably by the burning sensation I was sure he was feeling. Yeah¡­ I remember that. Like fire ants crossbred with hornets.


    He dropped the cup and clutched his throat, making gagging noises as he did so. The banging of the drums ceased, as the rest of the group noticed something wrong with their leader.


    One brave soul even came up to see if he was alright. What a nice guy. Stupid, but nice. I''m not sure what the big guy was seeing as he hallucinated, but it probably wasn''t good. He let out a roar and then gave his underling a right proper bitch slap.


    I winced at the sound of what I was sure was his jaw breaking. Stunned silence ensued, well, except for the cries of anguish of the ogre on the floor. Luckily for him, they wouldn''t last long.


    The boss let out another roar as he turned to grab his sword leaning against the throne. I ducked back behind it, hoping he wasn''t able to see me. Thankfully he didn''t, or maybe he couldn''t with the possibility of him seeing weird shit.


    Giving the Scanned info a quick little check confirmed that he is in fact, tripping balls. He is also currently poisoned and enraged, which is exactly what I wanted. Now if the others followed suit and started a brawl with him, I''m all set.


    Walking over to his downed minion, boss ogre made a big show about unsheathing the thing. He ignored everyone else in the room and swung the sword down on the guy''s neck, removing it completely.


    Shockingly, I gained the Exp for it. Maybe that shouldn''t surprise me, as it was my plan that led to the killing, but at the same time, I half expected the System to dick me over. Nice to know instigating violence resulted in me getting Experience.


    The silence from before had nothing on the quiet from now. Even with the ragged, angry snorts of the boss, it could still be called deafening. But the stillness lasted only for the briefest of moments, as their leader turned to his lackeys and proceeded to accuse them of treachery.


    I may not know what he was saying, but the pointing was a decent indicator. So were the affronted looks of the other Shadow Ogres. Soon enough, the others became enraged as well. One by one, their faces morphed into ones of pure anger.


    Guess they didn''t like the allegation put forth against them. Not that I could blame them. I''d be pretty pissed off too.


    One of them began screaming at him, spittle flying from his face, as he whipped out his big, hard rod and threatened his boss with it. Or should I say, former boss? That sounded like a resignation to me.


    But rather than take his sass, the boss did something I did not expect. The mother fucker teleported. Just straight up, poof! Gone!


    But he wasn''t missing for long as he seemingly materialized behind the ogre who just resigned from his position. Guess he didn''t take the retirement very well. The ogre''s face was shocked as he saw his boss vanish, but his surprise was doubled when his eyes met mine. The realization of what had happened dawned on his drunken face, and it would be the last thing he ever did.


    Because he no longer had a head. Damn this guy liked lobbing those things off, didn''t he? He''s 2/2 so far. Wonder if he''ll do the same with the rest.


    Speaking of them, it seems like they were snapped out of whatever stupor they were in as they attacked their former leader. What happened next was a brutal display of prowess, and made me glad I wasn''t facing the guy directly.


    Remember when I said he might not be good at fighting directly, on account of him preferring to use ambush tactics? Yeah, I was wrong. So very, very wrong. Dude was a beast, even when drunk.


    And let me tell you, that made the fight so much more hilarious. Twice the regular Shadow Ogres performed an act of friendly fire, and the amount of stumbling and bumbling made the whole thing rather comical.


    It was like watching the three stooges try to kill someone using kung fu.


    But the boss was in the same boat as them, as he constantly flubbed his attacks as well. He even fell head first into one of the sake barrels. The other ogres laughed until he drowned one of them in it.


    He also managed to throw one of them onto a piston holding up a lantern, and now he was a wall decoration. I''d say he was unnecessarily brutal with that one, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black.


    However, as good as he was, he couldn''t keep up with the numbers. Even if he executed two of them right off the bat, that still left seven. But with them dealing double damage and him receiving double damage, well it didn''t take long for his Hp to drop to about half.


    And that''s when everything changed. The boss entered stage 2 of the battle. He made a goddamn Shadow Clone.


    Believe it!


    The thing itself looked as if it was made of shadow, with two glowing yellow eyes glowering at the world. Giving it a quick Scan revealed some interesting information.


    Shadow Ogre Boss Duplicate


    Age: ???


    Level: 6


    Health: 496/496


    Stamina: 330/330


    Reiryoku: 460/460


    Description: A duplicate of the Shadow Ogre Boss created by a Special Ability of the Shadow Ogres utilizing their own shadows. Has half the physical characteristics of the original and lacks Intelligence. Can use all of the Skills and Abilities of the original.


    Well aren''t you an interesting little thing? Now I just need to find out how to create one of you. I can see how something like that would be useful in all sorts of ways.


    Even if it only has half the strength of the original, it proved its usefulness by teleporting behind a dude and removing his head, just like the original. It also had one large advantage over the rest of the ogres in that it wasn''t drunk.


    He had no problem hitting whoever he damn well pleased. It didn''t take long after for the rest of the remaining Shadow Ogres to fall, leaving the victor to huff and puff in the middle of the carnage, covered in blood and entrails. It was as gross as it was terrifying.


    He let out a massive roar, banging his chest like a gorilla. It was the sound of absolute victory, he just didn''t know it wasn''t his own.


    It was mine.


    Several seconds ticked by with the only sound being the heavy breathing of the boss ogre. His shadow double stood guard having nothing better to do with his time. Lucky me he was stupid with a capital S, or he might have the bright idea to look for any other enemies in the room.


    Of which I am the final one. Technically I was the only one, as his former grunts were actually loyal. But seeing as they were mostly headless smears at this point, I don''t think that detail is very relevant.


    After getting control of his breath, he lumbered over to his throne, grabbing a fresh cup of booze as he did so. Guess he didn''t want any more tainted sake. Too bad, cause I got a whole barrel of the shit.


    Oh well. I''m sure I''ll find a use for it somewhere down the line.


    As he sat down, his duplicate dissipated, likely because he believed he had no more use for it. Oh how wrong he was. Seeing him sitting there, all vulnerable, gave me an idea.


    Taking out the Heavy Kusarigama from the Inventory, I gave it a once over, re-reading its text. Specifically the part about its Special Ability, Chain Trap. That sounds like the perfect way to wrap this up.


    Literally.


    If it works, he''ll be immobilized and helpless, allowing me to finish him off rather easily. His Hp was down to about 35 or 40 percent, so a few good Power Smashes ought to do the trick. Or maybe I''ll Steal his sword and use that, just to flex on the guy.


    Is it disrespectful? Yes. Do I care? No.


    Waiting for him to place both arms on the chair''s arm rests, I proceeded to use Chain Trap. He made a confused grunting sound as he was wrapped in the cold embrace of solid steel. He began wiggling to free himself, but was unable to escape.


    "You know, that was quite the show you put on. Really impressive. Too bad it was all part of my plan," I said, strutting out from behind the throne. He gave me a befuddled look before understanding dawned on his face.


    "I see you realize what happened. Too little too late I''m afraid. All your little pals are dead because of you," I mocked, casually walking up to him, and grabbing hold of his sword. Stealing it, technically. He let loose an angry bellow at this, not that I cared much.


    "Oh pipe down will you? Not like you''re going to be needing it anymore. Let''s see, it''s called Zannkimaru is it?" I said, having scanned the weapon. I gotta say, I''m impressed by the Stats. By far the best weapon I''ve gotten yet.


    <u>Zannkimaru</u>  (Rare)


    A unique sword gifted to the current leaders of the Shadow Ogre Syndicate. Its sharpness and toughness are a step above regular swords. Despite its length, it excels at iaido techniques. Has a Special Ability called Shadow Strike.


    -Damage 50


    -Durability 15/15


    -Special Ability: Shadow Strike


    <u>Shadow Strike</u>


    Instantly teleport to a person''s shadow and deliver a devastating iai slash. If this attack lands, it is always a Critical hit.


    Cooldown: 60 seconds


    Range: 100 feet


    Upgradeable


    I was practically salivating at the sword''s Special Ability. The cooldown was a bit annoying, but I get it. Game doesn''t want me teleporting all over the place and removing the head of every Tom, Dick, and Harry I see. But it does allow me to get a decent hit in immediately, and combine it with my Sneak Attack¡­ oh yeah, daddy likey.


    But that was for a later date, as I have a current date with a big brute of a man, and I''ve kept him waiting long enough. Drawing the sword from its scabbard, I give the polished blade a look of appreciation before turning to the still struggling ogre boss.


    "Don''t worry big guy. All your problems are about to be over," I told him as I held the sword in a ready stance, with the blade tip pointing straight up. I''m sure you''ve seen it before in a movie, right before a guy lobs another guy''s head off.


    Fitting, as that''s what I intend to do now. The ogre at this point has ceased his struggling, knowing that it was pointless. He didn''t have the strength left to escape, making resistance an effort in futility. The only thing left he could do was glare at me.


    "It''s been fun, and I enjoyed making you kill all your friends, but it''s time to say goodbye. Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow," I said, wiping a fake tear from my eye. He only glared harder at my mocking, being able to do little else.


    With nothing left to say, I proceeded to do the lord''s work and cut off his head. Thankfully it came off in one good swing, a combination of muscle power and the sword''s sharpness. It rolled onto the ground, retaining its ugly scowl even in death.


    With that done, I wiped the sword clean of blood before sheathing it and placed it on my belt. It made me feel a bit like a weeb, but a cool one. Now it was time to loot the body.


    I mean bodies. Because there were a lot of them. Rubbing my hands together in a stereotypical greedy/evil way, I prepared to liquidate the former assets of the ogres, when a chime interrupted me.


    Congratulations!


    Due to creating and executing a plan that enabled you to defeat a vastly superior foe, you have gained 2 Intelligence and 2 Wisdom.


    I''m not sure about vastly superior, but I''ll take those beautiful Stats regardless. Every point to Intelligence is another book I don''t have to read, and every point to Wisdom reduces my amount of fuckups.


    Oh, they were definitely superior. Had you charged in cock out and guns blazing, you almost certainly would have died. I''m actually surprised your tiny, smooth brain was capable of thinking up such a plan. And you''ll need a lot more Wisdom for you to not fuck up any more.


    "Oh System, it''s you. It''s been so long since I''ve heard your sarcastic voice. How''ve you been?" I asked, sarcastically. In case you couldn''t tell.


    Grand. Just enjoying the show, waiting for you to Game Over. You know, the usual.


    "Good to know, but if you don''t mind, I''m a little busy at the moment. Could you bug me another time? How about, never? Sound good?" I asked. I heard the System actually give a sigh at that.


    And here I was commending you for your performance. The least you could do is thank me for my generosity.


    "Oh yes, thank you for your backhanded compliments. I feel so much better now," I said while rolling my eyes while moving to begin the looting and possibly pillaging.


    You''re welcome!


    Ignoring the chipper tone of the System, I decided to start with the little ones first, wanting to save the big bad boss for last. Most of them were pretty easy to loot, as they were just laying there. No, the problem arose from the guy skewered onto a piston dangling 20 feet in the air.


    But luckily my massive wrinkled brain thought of a solution. Use the Kusarigama. It took a few tries, but I managed to hook the blade deep into his chest. From there all I had to do was yoink that bitch to the ground.


    I could hear the slow clapping of the System in my head, and I did not appreciate it. Anyway, the plunder I received from the Shadow Ogres made it all worth it. Nine hundred yen, another Kusarigama, and I even pulled one of their loincloths.


    <u>Shadow Ogre Loincloth</u>  (Rare)


    A loincloth worn by a member of the Shadow Ogre Syndicate. Aiding them in their covert operations, this loincloth increases a wearer''s speed, while making it harder to be found.


    -Increase Defense by 2


    -Increase Agility by 10


    -Increase Stealth parameters by 5%


    Upgradeable


    Well, who would I be to argue with such tasty Stat bumps. I am a little apprehensive about wearing the thing. It may not be soiled, but I still know where it''s been. But that Agility boost¡­


    Fuck it! Nothing ventured, nothing gained! If weird growths appear on my crotch, I''ll just have to find a way to remove them!


    With that I Equipped my new pair of underwear, because that''s what loincloths counted as. Which is good for me as it means my leg area gets basically two pieces of Equipment. Though, I guess this is more like Equipment for my crotch.


    "Ooh, silky," I poured, shaking my hips and enjoying the new sensation. It helped to drive off the knowledge of where this thing has been. And with this Equipped, it brought my effective Agility up to¡­ 69.


    I wasn''t trying to do that, I swear, but sometimes life just works out that way.


    Now with that out of the way, it was time to see what was on the boss''s body.


    Would you like to loot  Shadow Ogre Boss ?


    [Yes] [No]


    Why yes, yes I would. Clicking the yes button, I was immediately greeted with the pop up of all my new belongings. And let me tell you, boy was packing.


    The money brought my total to just over 2,500, so that made me happy, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. Next was some clothing.


    The Silent One  (Unique)


    Clothes belonging to a legendary ninja who performed numerous assassinations and was never caught. His ability to infiltrate high security areas was unrivaled. Each piece of this set increases the wearer''s Stealth, Agility, and Sneak Attack damage. Collecting all six pieces grants a Special Ability. (1 of 6)


    -Increase Defense by 2


    -Increases Agility by 3


    -Increases Stealth Parameters by 3%


    -Increases Sneak Attack Damage by 5%


    That was pretty sweet. Guess this Dungeon really wants me to travel the path of a sneaky asshole. Kind of weird, considering who the Dungeon belongs to, but whatever, I''m not complaining.


    The armor itself is pretty good all on its own, especially considering I don''t really have anything else. But what''s with the Unique classification? I don''t remember that being in the explanation.


    Noticed that, did you? To make it simple, a Unique item is unique because there is only one of them. They are distinctive to your own Game, and cannot be found anywhere else. Unique Items are at a minimum, Rare in powers and abilities, such as The Silent One.


    Well isn''t that something? I''ve got me one heck of an NFT. Two of them, technically, as the Shadow Ogre Boss dropped two pieces of The Silent One, legs and feet. Which was good, because my shoe had a hole in it from kicking a spiked wall.


    Equipping my new pieces of armor, I could immediately tell they were of much higher quality than anything I currently own. The only thing that felt better was the silky loincloth I wore.


    I was a bit disappointed that my Agility was no longer 69. That high sure didn''t last long. But having better Stats was more important than my immaturity.


    Now, let''s keep this gravy train rolling!


    Next was a map of the Shadow Ogres Lair. Neat, I guess. Kind of pointless to get it now, but I can put it in a nice frame when I get home, make it a real centerpiece to the crap shack I live in.


    There was one last thing the ogre had, and that was a pair of keys. Or a key and a half, technically. One of them was broken in half, with its name being literally, Broken Key. Judging from its description, I needed to find the other half and combine the two to open whatever the hell it opened. Oh, and also find the thing it opened. A key was pretty useless without something to use it with after all.


    Or so I''ve been told.


    And the intact one was just called a Chest Key. Three guesses what that did. Now if I was a betting man, I''d wager that the chest this key goes to is somewhere in this lair. All I have to do is find it. And lucky me, I just so happened to get a map. Maybe it''s not so worthless after all.


    Now to seek my fortune, as I am a man of fortune. Misfortune usually, but trust me, I will find it. That treasure is mine!


    Now that that was out of the way, the room held one last point of interest. The buffet! So several points, technically, but who''s counting? Looking over at all the delectable delicacies around me, I couldn''t wait to dig in. My stomach roared in agreement, and that was all the confirmation I needed.


    Seems like the two of us were finally over Karin''s cooking. At least for now. I''m sure the PTSD will kick in eventually. Probably at the sight of curry. But for now, it''s chow time!


    Sitting down, I began to stuff my face with heaps of moderately tasty meats, pies and other assorted treats. I was particularly fond of the steak. After about ten minutes I was stuffed full, bloated to an uncomfortable degree.


    "Ah, that hit the spot," I moaned in delight, rubbing my tum-tum happily. It may not have been a five star meal but I''ve had worse. At least this didn''t poison me.


    Back in the real world


    Karin sneezed loudly from her spot on the couch, rubbing her nose and sniffing in irritation, the soccer match on t.v. being momentarily ignored.


    "You ok, Karin? You''re not getting sick are you?" asked Yuzu in concern. Karin felt a shiver go down her spine at Yuzu''s question. Whenever someone got sick, her sister took it upon herself to nurse them back to health. That might sound all well and good, but Yuzu could be¡­ forceful in her method of treatment.


    "No, I''m fine. Someone''s probably just talking about me," she responded hurriedly. Yuzu didn''t appear entirely convinced, but let the matter slide. She would keep a watchful eye on her sister though, just in case.


    Karin sighed in relief, but she swore to find the gossiper and make them pay.


    Returning to the Dungeon


    I felt myself break out into a cold sweat but couldn''t for the life of me figure out why. And the snickering of the System in the background sure as shit didn''t help. Whatever, I''ll deal with it one way or another.


    After stuffing my face, and placing a few treats away for later, the last thing I did was take the barrels of sake. You never know when you need to get shitfaced to deal with the problems of the world.


    This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it


    Shit, I''m going to end up an alcoholic, aren''t I? Guess I''ll deal with that when the time comes as well. Future me sure has a lot on his plate


    Now, looking at my map, which was no longer fuzzy, I looked at the spot labeled Treasure Room. Well isn''t that nice of them? Letting me know exactly where all their goodies are hiding. Almost makes me feel bad for killing them all.


    Or almost all of them, anyway. I can see a bright red dot on the Map, and¡­ hold the phone¡­ that son of a bitch is in my treasure room! Doesn''t he know that''s my booty he be trying to steal!?


    I''d make a great pirate.


    But more importantly I needed to stop that asshole from taking my stuff. I murdered a lot of people for that, and I''ll not see my hard work go to waste!


    I rushed toward the Treasure Room at breakneck speed, and with my increased Agility, that was pretty damn fast. In retrospect, running half cocked through a ninja hideout was a bad idea. You want to know why?


    Traps! That''s right, little bastards laid traps all over the place. There was a pit that led to nowhere, spiked floors, poison darts, a flamethrower, more spiked floors¡­ It was like they were trying to keep people out or something.


    But through it all I persevered, for the sake of booty. Fun fact, mine currently had a poison dart or two stuck in it. I really hope the treasure isn''t a dud, or imma be pissed.


    Anyway I eventually made it to the so-called treasure room, and what I saw left me speechless. Mostly from rage, but it still counts. Because in said room was nothing more than a bunch of barrels, and the ogre I was worried about was just slurpin'' away at one.


    It was a fairly large space, with stone walls forming a round enclosure. Large steel gates were there to bar entry, though they were wide open at the moment, leaving me to enter at my pleasure.


    Well at least he wasn''t trying to rob me of anything precious, so that ebbed the fury slightly, but why in the hell is what is basically the wine cellar called the Treasure Room. I mean, it''s capitalized and everything! That means it has to be important.


    I swear, if I got poisoned for nothing¡­


    But as I moved to commit one last act of violence, I felt a weight at my waist. Looking down, I saw my fancy new katana, just begging to be used. Well don''t worry sweetheart, daddy will feed you real soon.


    Grabbing hold of the handle, I prepared to unleash my new attack. Not gonna lie, I was a bit giddy at the prospect. I mean, I was about to teleport. How cool is that?


    Activating the Ability, I immediately found myself behind the ogre, ready to draw my sword. And who was I to keep someone waiting? Zannkimaru came out of the sheath with a dark purple and black energy following along the blade in an arc. While doing this, I also activated my Sneak Attack, because why not? More damage baby!


    But what I didn''t expect was just how potent the combination would be. I mean, I suspected, that''s why I did it in the first place. But it was far more effective, and visceral, than I predicted.


    The poor little drunken ogre was immediately cut in half, blood and guts spilling out of his midcarriage like it was monsoon season. His upper half hit the floor with a wet squelch, while his lower half just kinda¡­ fell over.


    I looked at my sword in amazement."Where have you been all my life?" I asked, and I swear I could feel the damn thing purring in pleasure. This isn''t a Zanpakuto, is it? Because that was just kinda¡­ weird.


    No, it was just your imagination. Don''t worry about it.


    "You know telling me not to worry makes me worry even more, right?"


    *Giggle*


    "And stop doing that!"


    After doing what I loved to do most, and that was stealing from the recently deceased, from whom I got nothing but money, I packed up the barrels in the "Treasure Room" safely in my Inventory. Hey, just because they aren''t shiny and gold doesn''t mean they aren''t worth something. I have my future as an alcoholic to think about here!


    But looking at the now empty room, I couldn''t help but frown. Was this really all there was? I mean, this is a ninja hideout, right? So it would make sense that the real treasure would be hidden or something.


    I began to fondle the walls like I was a pervert at spring break. Just as I was about to give up, I felt a strangely smooth stone protruding from the stone wall. "Bingo," I said with a smile, before pressing the thing inward.


    I heard the whirring of something mechanical before the wall to my right began the shake. I could see a line appear in the rock, which widened further, as either side of it moved away from the other. After several seconds, the walls stopped moving, revealing a secret alcove in the rock.


    And in that alcove, was a big, fat, juicy treasure chest. Hot damn, I found it! My Intelligence might be as high as the average hillbilly, but it was still enough to outsmart a bunch of trolls.


    The chest itself was made of black wood, with silver metal bands going across it. It definitely fit the description of a ninja chest.


    Scanning the chest real quick revealed some interesting facts.


    <u>Secret Chest of the First Shadow</u>


    A chest containing the secret technique of the Shadow Ogres. Created by the first leader of the Shadow Ogres and passed down through the ages, only the most powerful of the Clan may learn the secrets within.


    Hang on¡­ by secret, does it mean that Shadow Clone the Shadow Ogre Boss used? I was a bit disappointed that I didn''t learn how to do that after killing the guy. Guess this is why. Well, no use standing around like a slack jawed idiot, let''s pop that baby open!


    Taking the key out and gingerly placing it in the slot, I was rewarded with the satisfying sound of the lock clicking open. I opened the lid to see the treasures within. The first thing I wanted to check was the weathered scroll, as I have a sneaky suspicion as to what it was.


    <u>Secret Scroll Body Duplication</u>


    A scroll containing the secret technique, True Double.


    I was right! To all the haters who ever doubted me, I was right! Suck it, grandma!


    Would you like to learn the secret technique, True Double?


    [Yes] [No]


    You bet your sweet ass I do! Clicking yes faster than I ever clicked before, the scroll appeared from my Inventory. It unraveled itself and a bright light emanated from it, causing me to close my eyes. Once the light died down, I opened them to see another new screen.


    <u>True Double</u>  (Rank *)


    A secret technique learned by only the most skilled of the Shadow Ogres. Creates a copy of the user by using their shadow with all of their Skills and Abilities, but has no Intelligence to speak of.


    -Stats are 25% of the user


    -Cost 300 Reiryoku


    -Only one copy can exit at a time


    Ok, not as bullshit as I was hoping, but still pretty darn good. Judging by the current Stat transference, the Shadow Ogre Boss must have had it at Rank 2. But it would be the same as me at Rank 4, so I wonder what it got fully upgraded?


    Only time will tell.


    Next was some bottles, which turned out to be a Health Potion (Minor), Stamina Potion (Minor) and a Spirit Potion (Minor). Each one restored 25% of the max to their respective pools.


    And finally, a whopping 10,000 Yen. Oh yeah, you know I''m all about that green! Maybe when I get the option to actually fix up my house, I can actually fix it up. Now, should I start with the bathroom or the kitchen? Decisions, decisions¡­


    As I went to close the lid to the chest, I noticed something peculiar along the underside of the lid. It looked almost like explosives seen in movies¡­


    Holy¡­ was this thing booby trapped? I quickly scanned the thing to learn what I was dealing with, for future me''s sake. That dude had enough to deal with already.


    <u>Booby Trap</u>


    An explosive trap placed inside of a treasure chest. If opened incorrectly, it will activate the trap and detonate the bomb.


    Guess it''s a good thing I found the key first, because my caveman brain would have definitely hit it with a rock. That being said, I bet I can use this¡­ Closing the lid and re-locking it, I placed it in my Inventory.


    Nothing wrong with having an explosive handy.


    With that there was nothing left in the lair, so it was time to move on and continue the rescue operation. Something I was feeling much more confident about with my new gear.


    As I neared the entrance, I saw the spike trap that I kicked. I stuck my tongue out at it, hoping the lifeless object could feel my irritation. But as I passed it, a crazy idea popped into my head.


    Approaching the trap, I placed my hand on it and tried to put it in my inventory. Much to my surprise, it actually worked! Man¡­ who knew having an Inventory was so broken!? I can''t wait to abuse this! Hang on, weren''t there more traps I left behind, some of which may have poisoned me?


    I guess I can spare a few more minutes in this place¡­


    Ok, so it took more than a few minutes, but eventually I left the Lair of the Shadow Ogres, returning to the house with the pervert ogre. Not my favorite place, but at least there weren''t any enemies.


    Now to return to my previous task of genocide. Don''t worry, I won''t bore you with all the details, just the highlights. Time to start the montage!


    Ogre #11


    Yeah, I one-shot him with Shadow Strike and Sneak Attack. Nothing really special besides getting a Level for it. Up to 7 baby!


    Ogre #14


    I stared at an ogre standing on top of a large tower. Unfortunately, he was a bit too high for me to use Shadow Strike, so I was forced to climb a ladder to get close enough. Once I was within about 90ft of him, I dropped from the ladder, using the technique as I fell towards my death.


    Boy am I glad that worked. After the severing of his head, the body fell to the ground, conveniently landing on another ogre, squashing him good and proper. Talk about two birds with one stone.


    Now to climb down and recycle the goods. Looking around, I noticed something missing.


    "...Where''s the ladder?"


    Ogre #21


    I was in another building grappling with another ogre. Big surprise there. I was trying to sneak up on him, but the last step just had to be an asshole about it and creaked loudly, like it was mocking my attempts to be stealthy.


    Which led to the wrestling. But seeing as I am much stronger than the ogre, it wasn''t much of a contest. I rolled backwards, bringing him with me, and kicking him over me and down the stairs.


    He landed on the railing, with the wooden post going through him. It was a bit gruesome, but the important thing is I won and painted the post a lovely shade of red.


    Two birds again.


    Ogre #28, #29, #30


    Now this is a case of three birds and one stone. Talk about an effective use of your tools. The first step required me to have some kind of bait, in this case, a legless ogre calling for help. How did he lose his legs you ask? Well¡­


    Sword. Yeah, just cut them things right off.


    His friend came rushing to help, and I hid myself on top of a roof. Once they were all gathered together, I opened up my inventory and selected a nice big boulder I shoved into it.


    God I love my Inventory.


    Next I needed to get above them so I could properly drop the boulder on top of them. To do so I used my good old Kusarigama, using one end to hook to a massive cherry tree branch, swinging above them like Tarzan, scream and all.


    Once they were looking up at me, wondering who could be screeching like that, I opened up the Inventory and released the boulder, dropping a two ton rock on their heads.


    "Woo! Suck it! I am the king of the wor-"


    I started out like Tarzan, but ended up like George of the Jungle. Oh well, at least the ogres couldn''t see it.


    Watch out for that tree!


    ¡­Ah shit. Never living this one down, am I?


    Ogre #42


    I threw rocks at his face until he died¡­


    I have a reason! Let me explain!


    You see, I''ve been wanting a ranged attack for a while now, and until I get my Big Iron, I need something in the interim. So I decided to experiment a little. The first thing I did was pick up a bunch of fist sized rocks and placed them in my Inventory. Next I tied up an ogre using Chain Trap to a tree. And lastly, I began to chuck them into the ogres body.


    After the tenth shot, I was rewarded with this.


    <u>Power Throw</u>  (Rank *)


    Throw an object with extreme force. It must be something you can reasonably throw. Try not to break any windows.


    -Damage of thrown object increased by 50%


    -Increase throwing range by 25ft


    -Cost 10 Stamina


    Neat huh? The damage a rock does isn''t the best and decreases the farther it''s thrown, but this is still pretty helpful, especially as it increases my range. Normal effective range of thrown objects is about 50-60 feet, so adding another 25 is pretty good.


    All that I had left to do was test it out. And wouldn''t you know it, I had an unwilling participant right in front of me.


    Ogre #49


    The last of the common ogres. Guess the boss does count towards the total. Time sure flies when you''re having fun¡­


    I watched this one walking down a path as I stood on top of a beam going across the street. Good thing they never look up. But they do look down, especially when there''s a big juicy slab of meat there.


    You might be asking¡­ "What''s that doing there?" Well let me tell you in the words of Admiral Ackbar, "It''s a trap!"


    You see, I needed to make sure he was right below me for my next assassination. Once he was right where I wanted him, I used Chain Trap once again and wrapped the chain around his neck. Once that was done, I hopped over the opposite side of the beam, dragging him up as I descended, nice and easy.


    All I had to do after that was hold the chain there as I hanged him. Once his Hp hit zero and he stopped squirming, trying to live like the selfish asshole he is, I dropped the chain, allowing him to plummet to the ground.


    After that murder, there was only one victim remaining in the Red Ogre''s District, the Red Ogre himself. Honestly I''m kind of excited to see what this bad boy looks like, as I steered clear of him so far.


    But first, let''s take a quick look at my Stats, shall we?


    <u>Stats</u>


    Level: 8 (235/800)


    Health: 820/1026


    Stamina: 412/576


    Reiryoku: 578/728


    Strength: 61 (103)


    Agility: 21 (63) {79}


    Vitality: 32 (74)


    Intelligence: 15


    Wisdom: 25


    Spirit: 42


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    All that murder really paid off. I gained two whole levels baby! After putting the points into Spirit my Strength officially passed human limits. Hell yeah! I also gained a few levels in Stealth and some other Skills, like Street Fighter. Which doesn''t count when using a sword or a club, it was purely for fisticuffs. Which is fine and all, but still a wee bit disappointing.


    Also while making my way through the Dungeon, I managed to find a couple of treasure chests as well. One had 1,500 Yen and an Antidote, which is good for when I inevitably get poisoned again, and the other had 2,500 Yen, bringing my total to just over 18,000, and another Minor Health Potion.


    All in all I was sitting pretty. Now to find the last remaining thing I need to kill. Luckily I knew where he was, as I found him while Scanning the area, I just ignored him till now. He was the extra large red dot on the Map.


    Making my way over there at a casual gait, I admired the town one last time. After this, it''s unlikely I''ll ever be back, and I wanted to remember it, seeing as it was my first Dungeon.


    Several minutes went by before I reached the boss''s arena. I jumped on top of a roof, because I can do that now, apparently, to get a better vantage point to Scan and Observe my opponent.


    Crawling to the edge of the roof, I got my first look at the bugger, and let me tell you, he was fucking big. I remember thinking the same thing about the Shadow Ogre Boss, but this guy had him beat in spades. He had to be at least 15 feet tall, and looked like he ate gyms for breakfast. Dude was yoked out of his mind!


    He was also nice and red, as you might expect, wearing a golden colored loincloth with a snarling lion buckle. Not gonna lie, he looked pretty intimidating.


    But that wasn''t the most concerning thing. "Why does he have a flamethrower?" I asked myself in disbelief. Yeah, that was the real issue. The nozzle portion he carried in one hand, with it going underneath his arm, and a massive fuel tank sat on his back.


    But while it was slightly concerning he had a weapon like that, it wasn''t the end of the world. Flamethrowers were cool and all, but they had one glaring weakness.


    Tubes.


    In order to utilize the fuel to make the flame, the nozzle had to be connected to the tank on his back. And how do you think he did that? That''s right, tubes. So to prevent him from using his weapon, all I had to do was cut them, and bam! No more flamethrower.


    And I just so happened to have a technique that lets me teleport into his shadow. His nice, big shadow.


    Now to see what I''m working with. Scanning the Red Ogre revealed to me his stupidly high Hp pool. Because why wouldn''t the boss be a damage sponge?


    <u>Red Ogre</u>


    Level: 15


    Age: 36


    Health: 2,750/2,750


    Stamina: 1,385/1,385


    Reiryoku: 1,160/1,160


    Description: The Red Ogre, Boss of the Sunlight District. After he took it over, everyone started calling it the Red Ogre District. His favored weapon is a flamethrower he named Molly. Flies into a rage if anything happens to her. Immune to fire and explosions, he loves the heat of the Sunlight District. When his Hp dips below half, watch out! His other weapon, a rod named Gertrude, might just turn you to paste. Defeating him is required to obtain the Red Orb to enter the Tower of the Ogre Princess.


    Yeah¡­ not the most ideal situation. His Hp is about 3 times higher than the last boss I faced, and I don''t have any way to make him fight a bunch of minions. But I do have a way to piss him off, and while certainly dangerous to me, dealing that double damage to him might just tip things in my favor.


    But first, let us Meditate. Nothing I have is dangerously low, but it never hurts to be prepared. And this time, I won''t fall asleep!


    Moving away from the Red Ogre stalking around its area, I sat Indian style and began to Meditate. A couple of hours ticked by and I felt that was good enough. I wasn''t full up, but I should be fine.


    I hope.


    Now, to begin the battle. I started by using True Double, bringing out my shadowy doppelganger. Isn''t he a handsome fella? The first attack belonged to him, the one that would sever the tubes of the flamethrower. Even with only a quarter of my Stats, he should be able to do that much.


    Waiting on top of the roof until the Red Ogre meandered close enough, my double, whom I shall call Shadow from now on, activated Shadow Strike, disappearing from my sight and reappearing behind the boss.


    His sword lashed out, and did what it needed to do, cutting the tubes. It sprayed fluid out all over the place, dousing poor Shadow in its flammable liquid. I''m sure glad it''s not me down there right now.


    The Red Ogre immediately knew something was wrong, as he tried to stem the flow of lighter fluid. But he would be unable to, and before long, Molly was empty. Turning to see what had happened to his precious flamethrower, he must have seen Shadow, put 2 and 2 together, and flew into a rage.


    Just as I''d planned.


    With the Red Ogre facing away from me now, it gave me the perfect opportunity to use my own Shadow Strike. Disappearing and reappearing in his shadow, I swung my own sword, activating Sneak Attack as I did so, aiming for his legs.


    I cut deep into his tendons, and I watched with satisfaction as his Hp bar dipped down. Thanks to the double damage from the Rage, it did over 10% of his max. A pretty decent chunk of change if I do say so myself. But that wasn''t the only thing it did. It also caused him to Bleed and Crippled him.


    The lumbering giant fell forward, and Shadow swung his sword at his neck. He wasn''t able to cut deeply, his Strength just wasn''t high enough, but damage was damage, and he was probably close to 85% now.


    Take that you damn sponge!


    Now it was my turn. As he slammed into the ground I charged at him, ready to bullshit my way to victory by pinning him down with a big ass boulder, but he did something that surprised me.


    He roared. And not just any roar, one that sent Shadow and I tumbling backwards. I rolled around the ground a bit before coming to a stop. It didn''t do any damage, but it sure knocked me for a loop. Worst of all, it interrupted my plan!


    Shit, that''s not good. I was really banking on bullying a defenseless opponent. Now it seems I''ll have to find another way to win this.


    The Red Ogre stood up, stumbling a bit as he did so due to his severed tendons. He began lumbering his way towards Shadow, slower than ever, intent on squishing him. But even with his Crippled Status, he was still faster than Shadow. Not by much, but it meant my little buddy wouldn''t be escaping.


    Not without help.


    Taking a poison dart out of my Inventory, one of the ones I stole from a trap, I rushed towards him to get within range before using Power Throw and chucking it at his head. It did fuck all damage, but it did get his attention.


    It also poisoned him, which was my real goal. Saving Shadow was nice and all, but I could summon another one if he died. No, what I really wanted was to stack more Status Ailments on him and slowly whittle him down.


    He turned to me and let out a roar, but just a normal one this time, before he started towards me, allowing Shadow to escape. Now it was time for some hit and run tactics. I was much faster than the ogre, so I was in little danger of him catching me. This would allow mine Shadow''s Shadow Strike to finish their cooldown.


    But the Red Ogre had other plans. As I was running, I noticed a shadow around me, getting smaller and smaller. Wondering what it could be, I looked up and to my shock once again, there he was, falling right towards me.


    He must have jumped. There are tons of bosses with a similar mechanic, especially the slower ones. Not exactly what I wanted to see. Who expects an ogre to act like a bullfrog?


    And no matter where I ran the damn thing kept following me. It was like he was a homing missile or something. So I came to a stop, knowing there was no point in running. I would have to time this just right.


    Waiting for right before he would land, I activated Sprint and ran to the left before diving out of the way. The extra speed from Sprint gave me just enough oomph to get out of the way.


    The giant of an ogre landed with an equally giant crash, sending dirt and debris flying everywhere. Some of it hit me, doing a few points of damage, but the more important part was that it prevented me from standing up.


    Something that a big ass ogre would be taking advantage of.


    Seeing that I was on the ground, the Red Ogre took this chance to try and crush me underfoot. He began stomping his huge fucking feet at me, and it was all I could do to roll out of the way. After this happened a few times, I had had enough.


    "Alright asshole, let''s see how you like this?" I growled. This time, as his big ass foot came towards me, I pulled out one of the spike traps I also stole, and placed it right where I was as I rolled away.


    His foot came crashing down right on it, and he let out a roar of pain, stumbling and falling backwards. It didn''t do the most damage, but it did increase his Bleed time, which was the plan.


    Shadow also used this moment to Shadow Strike him as he fell, cutting into his leg once more. I''ll take it. More damage is more damage, and after that strike, he was down to about 80% now.


    But now was my chance to trap him under a boulder, so I started running towards him once again. The ogre, who was writhing in pain, yanked the spike trap out of his foot. He looked right at me with pure hate in his eyes before throwing the thing at me.


    I yelped as I rolled underneath it, but the damage had been done. I missed my chance once again. Damn he''s a squirrely bastard. So I hurled another dart at him to up the poison counter.


    At least he should be more wary about jumping around now, so that''s something. Or maybe not. He was pretty mad after all.


    The Red Ogre made his way towards me again, each step thundering like a t-rex. I wanted to see what he would do this time, so instead of running, I held my ground. My opponent brought his foot back, the same one that had some spikes go through it, ready to kick me to the moon.


    Too bad for him, I have a counter. He wants to kick something, I''ll give him something to kick.


    As the foot came racing towards me, I opened my good old Inventory and brought out the big guns. Also known as The Rock. I placed The Rock right in the path of the massive foot coming towards me, using it as a shield.


    And it worked. He kicked it with the force of a hurricane. Judging by the yell of pain, I assume he broke all of his toes. Poor guy was not having the best luck with his legs today. But with how big he is, they were the easiest things to target.


    As he was falling I wasted no time, thrusting the boulder back into my Inventory and rushing towards him. This time, I would trap him.


    He hit the ground hard but I would allow him no respite this time. I was already on him, boulder ready to deploy, all I had to do was hit yes.


    And that''s exactly what I did. I placed my hand over his chest and dropped the boulder right on him. He let out an "oof" sound as he was trapped. Finally, it was time to bully him.


    As I walked around the giant stone the Red Ogre lashed out at me, trying to grab me in his massive meaty hands. But I stepped out of the way and immediately drew my sword, slashing at his hand, severing his index and middle finger right off.


    He screamed in pain, bringing his hand back to himself, leveling another hate filled glare my way. It was about the only thing he could do at this point, I''ve made him too afraid to do anything else.


    "Now, what should I do with you?" I asked, approaching his head. He growled at me threateningly, but I ignored it. It was too bad I didn''t have another boulder I could use and just drop it on his head. Oh well, guess I''ll just have to do this the old fashioned way.


    I brought my sword up, ready to remove his head, "It''s been fun, but it''s time to end this," I said, staring right into his eyes. He seemed to realize what was about to happen, and sort of just¡­ went limp. Guess that means he''s accepted his fate.


    I brought my blade down, aiming for his neck, but that sneaky little bastard surprised me yet again. I''m getting pretty sick of being surprised, you know!


    As my blade was nearing his neck, he brought his head up and bit it. No, seriously, he bit the fucking thing. The edge dug deep into his jaw, and I''m further surprised it didn''t just cut it off. Must be those big fucking teeth of his.


    Pretty sure I did cut his tongue off though, if the amount of blood was anything to go by. I''m also pretty sure he would just bleed to death at this point, as his Health dipped below 50%, and he had about 12 hours of bleeding left.


    Yeah, he would definitely Bleed to death. But it turns out my astonishment was not over, as he violently turned his head, and with my sword lodged in his mouth, and me gripping my sword, he ended up sending me flying.


    Right into his fist.


    -230 Hp


    "Gah!" I let out, as I was sent ass over backwards away from the Red Ogre, tumbling across the ground like I was a tumbleweed. I came to a stop, but I didn''t move, which makes sense once you realize I was now Stunned.


    For 15 seconds.


    But that wasn''t even the worst part. No, the worst part was my sword was still stuck in his jawbone. I watched, helpless, as the Red Ogre let out another shout, which somehow sent the boulder flying as well. How the hell does that work?


    He then stood up, blood dripping down his face. His severed tongue flopped out of his mouth, landing on the ground with a wet splat. He then reached into his loincloth and pulled out his massive rod.


    Not that one! I mean Gertrude!


    The thing was huge, easily bigger than me, with thick, metal rings colored bronze circling the cylindrical shaft. Studs popped out of the rings, making the weapon even more dangerous. The wood of the shaft was painted a deep red color.


    Well, I guess it''s time for phase two, isn''t it?


    He gave me a look and started to walk towards me, but good old Shadow blocked his path. He jumped at the hulking beast, sword raised and ready to slice into him once more.


    Unfortunately for Shadow, the Red Ogre simply swung his club with his good hand and battered him out of the way, never breaking his stride. Shadow evaporated into nothingness, the blow having killed him.


    And now there was nothing left between me and him. The Stun had just a few seconds left, but would it run out in time? I swear I could hear the sound of a clock ticking away mockingly as the ogre stopped in front of me.


    One second¡­


    The ogre lifted his rod.


    Two seconds¡­


    The ogre gave me a savage grin.


    Three seconds¡­


    The ogre swung down.


    Four seconds¡­


    I moved.


    The Red Ogre''s rod smashed into the ground, kicking up a cloud of dust. Which was lucky for me, as it hid my movements. As the dust cleared, the smug ogre looked confused, probably expecting me to be a smear at this point.


    "Yoo hoo," I whistled, getting his attention. I may not have had my sword, but I did have a club. I gave him a smile as I used a Power Smash on his abused foot. He let out another cry of pain before backhanding me across the field.


    I knew I couldn''t dodge the blow, but I could make him suffer for it. Dropping the club, I pulled out another spike trap and held it like a shield, so when his fist bashed into me, he got a nasty little surprise as well.


    -245 Hp


    Ok, that one rung my bell. And possibly gave me tinnitus, because all I could hear was this annoying, high pitched buzzing. That can''t be good. I also couldn''t see straight and everything was blurry, so a possible concussion on top of the tinnitus.


    What was also not good was my Hp. That last hit dropped it below half. Good thing I found those health potions. Removing them from my Inventory, I immediately downed them both. It restored my Health just a bit more than what I took.


    Note to self, do not get hit by giant monsters. It hurts.


    But with my Hp recovered, my vision and hearing cleared up, so that was good. I''m just glad this second hit didn''t Stun me. Looking over at the Red Ogre, who was ripping the spike trap out of his hand, I noticed that last hit brought him down to about 30%.


    So close. Just a bit more and his goose is cooked. I could just avoid him until he bleeds to death, but that would take a couple of hours, even with the poison.


    I stood up, ready to end this. I used True Double again, bringing Shadow back from the dead. Only this time he was equipped with a Kusarigama, rather than Zannkimaru. Not as useful, but still pretty good. Maybe he could use Chain Trap and tie his legs together, tripping him Star Wars style?


    Something to think about. The Red Ogre gave us a look and snarled, limp running toward us. It was pretty slow, and I think even Shadow is faster than him now, but that didn''t make him any less deadly. I could only survive a few hits from the guy.


    Shadow and I ran in opposite directions, hoping to confuse the Red Ogre. Not sure if it worked or not, because he came right for me. Not what I wanted, but I''ll make due.


    I turned and Sprinted towards him, and he raised his club in response. I dodged to the right as it came down towards me, swinging my own Kusarigama in a circle before launching it towards his face.


    He tried to move his head out of the way, but his head wasn''t what I was aiming for. Using Chain Trap, I aimed for my sword lodged in his mouth. I grinned at seeing it wrap around the handle, and gave it a hard yank using all of my strength.


    It ripped out of his mouth, causing him to bellow in agony, and part of his lower jaw fell to the floor, dropping his Hp to 25%. I grabbed my sword, sending the Kusarigama back into the Inventory.


    I sheathed the blade, and activated Shadow Strike, delivering a powerful strike to his leg again. He yelled as his HP dropped to about 20%. Just a little more and I got this.


    Unfortunately, he didn''t fall this time, twisting around and swinging his rod at me. I jumped into the air, managing to avoid it by the skin of my teeth. He then brought it above his head and swung it down at me. This time I rolled forward, coming to a stop right below him.


    Giving me the perfect target.


    "Sorry about this," I said, before thrusting my blade up into his crotch. At least it wasn''t a rock this time. His shriek of pain almost deafened me and I think my tinnitus is back, but seeing his Health drop to about 10% made it worth it.


    I ran out from under the Red Ogre, who remained standing, much to my surprise. He was just full of those, wasn''t he? I stood there, panting, trying to regain my breath. We were in the home stretch now.


    The Red Ogre turned me, holding his bleeding genitals. If I thought he hated me before, it had nothing on the look I was getting now. He lumbered towards me once again, each step sending a twinge a pain across his face.


    Poor guy, it was past time to put him out of his misery, and wouldn''t you know it, my sword''s Special Ability just reset. But with his shadow right in front of him, it wouldn''t do me much good.


    But while his shadow was in front of him, mine was behind him. And he seemed to take that thought about Star Wars very seriously. As the Red Ogre went to take a step, he suddenly found a chain wrapped around his legs. His eyes widened in shock as he fell forward.


    This is my chance! Shadow you beautiful bastard, I love you!


    Activating Shadow Strike for the final time, I appeared in front of the falling ogre. I gave him a smirk as he stared at me with dawning horror. My blade went out, creating a brilliant arc of purple and black, as the edge struck the Red Ogre''s neck, right in the same spot Shadow struck earlier.


    And went right through it.


    I stood there for a moment, not believing it was over. But it was, and once the realization hit, I thrust my arms in the air and let out a victory shout.


    "Ahhhhhhhh!"


    I did it. I won. I conquered the Red Ogre''s District.

 Chapter 18

    I stood there, reveling in my victory over the Red Ogre, panting from my victory shout. Now all that was left was to see what the big guy had on his person. Besides the Red Orb of course. That was guaranteed.


    As I brought my arms back down, I took notice of my hands. They were steeped in red. A deep, dark crimson that dripped and oozed between my fingers. I couldn''t help but feel the liquid using my thumb, rotating it in circles against my index finger.


    I knew what it was of course, how could I not? Cutting off the Red Ogre''s head coated me from head to toe in the stuff. The familiar warm and slick substance reminded me of another time they were this red.


    The day I died.


    As I continued to stare at the red dripping onto the dusty road beneath me, the world began to shift, taking me back to that time, replaying the events that led to my coming to this world.


    I was walking home, to an apartment far better than to one I currently lived in, traveling down a road I scarcely used as a shortcut. I can''t remember what I was doing beforehand, probably something inane.


    But as I turned a corner, that''s when I saw him. The tweaked out meth addict holding a little girl and her mother hostage. His eyes were wild and desperate, clearly in the throes of withdrawal, as he held out a dirty old knife, using it to threaten the pair.


    I can still see her frightened face as she clung to her mother, tears streaking down her face, staring at the man screaming at them with utter terror.


    What was he screaming about again? I can''t seem to remember¡­ I imagine it was something along the lines of, "Hand over your money now!" You know, something cliche for a robber to spout.


    I could have called the police, should have called the police, but seeing that little girl''s face scrunched up in fear just made me snap. I''ve never been a fan of bullies, even when I was a slightly smaller thing. It caused my parents no end of grief, that''s for sure, and time after time they told me to stop sticking my nose where it didn''t belong.


    But they just didn''t understand. Beating up assholes was the last remnant that tied me to my grandfather. I remember his stories, how he always stuck up for the little guy, how he fought guys twice as big as him trying to take someone''s lunch money.


    If he was to be believed, he also took on an entire yakuza syndicate all by himself. He would always show me this scar he had running along his ribs as proof. "That''s where they tried to knife me!" he would say.


    I asked him why he went through all that trouble for a bunch of strangers, and his words have stuck with me ever since, running on repeat. Like an earworm that wouldn''t shut the hell up.


    "If doing right was easy, then everybody would do it. It takes a special kind of man to stand tall when all the world is pressing down on his shoulders. But even with all that burden, he never wavers. Tell me, Ushio, are you that kind of man? Or will you buckle underneath the pressure?"


    I think the French call it, noblesse oblige. Those damnable words led to more problems then I''d like to count, and nearly to jail a time or two. But through it all I never wavered. I walked tall through the fire and the brimstone, as slings and arrows assailed me from all sides.


    Ok, a bit melodramatic. It was mostly me just punching thugs and jagoffs on a far too regular basis. My parents were angry but good old grandpa was thrilled, and I felt a swell of pride every time he praised me for it.


    So when he passed away, I was devastated. It felt like I lost the one person who understood. I became more and more aggressive as I went out and picked fights. It wasn''t about doing the right thing anymore, it was just a way to numb the pain.


    Grandpa would be ashamed. All it took was losing him to make me buckle. How pathetic. And that feeling of self loathing only led to more and more problems. Soon enough, I became the bully that I fought against.


    But in that moment, watching the little girl crying and shivering in fear, his words came rushing back to me. Just because I buckled doesn''t mean I can''t straighten my back. It was time to do the right thing.


    The scene in front of me shifted once more. I was now looking down at my hands, covered in red, just like they are now. But it didn''t come from an ogre, it came from me. The knife was sticking into my body. It wasn''t the first time it had entered my body, but it would be the last.


    I remember grabbing him by the throat once the knife was stuck inside me, probably lodged into my rib or something, and squeezing until he stopped struggling. My eyes went back to my hands, and just like now, I began to feel the blood staining them.


    And then I died.


    The world snapped back into reality. I was still staring right down at my blood-soaked hands. But something was wrong. I couldn''t get my breathing under control, and my heart was beating a mile a minute.


    Was I having a panic attack? Was it because I just remembered my death? But why now? There''ve been plenty of chances for me to freak out earlier, so what made this moment so damn special?


    I suppose it was because I was so distracted by being in a new world and being granted superpowers that I could distract myself from the existential dread that made me feel inside. And when that didn''t work, I resorted to joking around like I''m some sort of fucking clown.


    But there was no distraction right now.


    I sat down on the Red Ogre''s body, as my hands kept violently shaking. Just like my breathing, I was unable to get them under control. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on something other than my death.


    I have to admit, that was impressive. The way you used your Inventory? Pure genius. I-hey, you ok there?


    "Oh great, it''s you again. Listen I''m not in the mood to deal with your shit right now, alright. So can you do me a favor, and shut your goddamn mouth for a few minutes?" I asked, with more vitriol than I intended. But ever since I got this stupid System, it''s been nothing but a pain in the ass. I just needed a few minutes to collect myself before dealing with its bullshit.


    What''s your problem? I was just trying to be nice.


    "Nice? Nice!? Since when have you ever been nice to me? All you''ve ever done, since the first day I met you, was put me down and make my life harder than it needed to be. So excuse me if I don''t buy whatever it is you''re selling!"


    You just don''t understand. I have my reasons.


    "Oh really? Then by all means, why don''t you share it with the rest of the class?"


    ¡­


    "Aw, what''s wrong? Cat got your tongue?"


    Listen, I just-


    "No! I''m sick of your bullshit! Why couldn''t I have gotten a normal System? One that just answers my questions without insulting my intelligence or hoping that I''ll die a horrible death? News flash, I already fucking did that!"


    My eyes went back to my hands, still covered in blood. Blood that was rapidly starting to cool. I frantically, and almost manically, started wiping them on the ground. But it was proving to be rather difficult to remove.


    I sighed angrily, placing my still red hands on the back of my head, rolling back and forth to get myself under control. But my mind just wouldn''t let me. It kept going back to that night, over and over again, lying there on the cold ground and dying.


    My hands curled into fists on top of my head, dragging my nails across my bald scalp. Pretty sure I just removed some skin from that, but I was in no state to care. The pain helped to keep me tethered to reality.


    The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    Think of the little girl.


    "Listen, I thought I told you to-"


    Shut up and do it! Think of the little girl you saved. Think of her smile. Focus on nothing else.


    I wanted to yell and kick and scream, but with no better idea, I did as the System suggested, even if I didn''t want to. I thought back to that night, but instead of focusing on the pain in my stomach, or the red on my hands, I thought of that little girl, smiling as I departed the world.


    She was scared. So very scared. Not for herself, but for me. I don''t remember the last time someone was scared for me rather than of me. It was nice¡­


    I remember smiling at her first, trying to ease the fear and sadness I could see pervading her eyes. And then, right before I departed to this world, she returned the smile.


    She wasn''t smiling because I was dying. No, she was smiling because I was able to save her life. She wanted me to know everything would be ok, the same reason I smiled too.


    I kept thinking of it, and eventually, I was able to get my breathing under control and unclench my fists. The shaking stopped and my heart returned to a normal tempo.


    "Thanks," I said, rather begrudgingly.


    ¡­You''re welcome.


    Now that my emotions were under better control and I wasn''t about to freak the hell out, my mind wandered back to the question I had earlier. Why now? I''ve been able to keep my shit together so far, even when I was basically poisoned to death, so what was different about now?


    Was it just because the giant red fucker almost killed me? Maybe, but that didn''t feel right. As I just said, I did essentially die from food poisoning, that''s kind of the whole reason I''m here, and thinking about that didn''t freak me out nearly as bad.


    But as my mind went over the fight I just had, thinking about how I was nearly turned into a visceral red paste, my hands started to shake again, proving me wrong. You''ve got to be kidding... If that''s what happens every time I come face to face with death, I am royally screwed.


    I shouldn''t even be scared of death! I''m in a world where dying gives you superpowers! Hell, I should be hoping to die! Bankai bitches!


    And yet, the shaking of my hands continued. After I just got them under control! How fucking pathetic is that!?


    Listen, I might know what the problem is¡­


    "Oh really? Then by all means, please share with the rest of the class. We''re just dying to hear your wisdom and insight," I said, voice dripping with sarcasm. But I didn''t get the reaction I thought I would.


    Right¡­ So, don''t be mad, but you were pretty much right earlier.


    "What are you talking about?" I asked in confusion. I tried thinking back to earlier, but there were a lot of earliers to remember. Killing my first ogre, the Shadow Ogre Lair, all the other ogres I killed¡­ When did I produce the insight into my current problem?


    It was right after killing the first Shadow Ogre. You wondered about the brutal manner in which you killed him.


    Oh right, I do remember wondering something about that. I was pretty confused, in all honesty. I normally don''t take such pleasure in dishing out pain. Even when I was off my rocker for a while after grandad died, it was more to numb the pain than providing myself any amount of pleasure.


    "Ok, but I don''t remember exactly what I was thinking. Kinda busy at the time," I said.


    Right. Well you were wondering just why you were feeling so festively violent, and you guessed, rather correctly, that it had something to do with the Dungeon itself.


    "Ok, that explains that, but what does that have to do with me being overly emotional about dying? Not exactly itching to show the world that amount of vulnerability. Hell, I don''t even want to see it in the mirror."


    You see, the Red Ogre was the cause of the anger and bloodlust you were feeling, even if you didn''t really notice it. Or at least, he was tied to it. When you killed him, it purified the area of that effect, so to speak. Once you were no longer under its influence, emotions you were no longer consciously suppressing came surging to the surface.


    "In other words, the Area of Effect basically made me forget to suppress my fear of dying in favor of committing acts of violence. So when it was over, they came bursting to the surface because I wasn''t actively forcing them down?"


    Pretty much, yeah.


    "Ok, that makes sense I guess. But wait, shouldn''t I have been notified of something like that influencing me?" I asked with a growing amount of suspicion. It wouldn''t be the first time System has withheld something from me.


    I''m still a bit salty about the Stealth Skill.


    I¡­ Ok look, Area of Effects are not part of the current Game, at least not to my knowledge. So when I saw it, I decided to keep it to myself and observe. I was trying to find out where it came from.


    "And did you find out anything?" I asked. Rather bitterly I might add.


    It''s possible an outside force is interfering.


    "What kind of outside force?" I questioned, more curious than I wanted to admit. Having a Game System that actively worked against you was more than enough problems for my plate. As it was, I''m not sure I could finish it.


    That''s the million dollar question. Probably one of my coworkers¡­


    "Co-you have coworkers?" I nearly shouted. "I thought you were some kind of advanced Ai thing sent to make my life a living hell." I could hear the System snort at that.


    Well, sorry to disappoint. I''m more like an angel. A Valkyrie, technically.


    "Wait, you mean like one from the Norse myths? The ones who take those who have died in battle to Valhalla?" I asked, my tone disbelieving. You can''t blame me, can you? I never once thought about what my System could be, but a warrior angel wouldn''t have broken the top 100.


    Something like that. My sisters and I are tasked with selecting those brave souls who we believe would be capable of saving another world. Those who die a heroic death. And then we isekai them.


    "Wait, you mean like me? Not to toot my own horn, but I died pretty bravely you know, but I don''t remember being chosen by anybody¡­" I said, my mind a whirl at this new information. But if I was chosen by this so-called angel, then why was she such a pain in the ass?


    Also, trying not to think about sharing my pervy mind with a woman. Is that why she''s so pissed?


    No, I don''t care about your dirty, old man brain.


    "Oh, that''s good. Then wait¡­ what is your problem with me?" And that was the crux of the matter. Just what did I do, in this life or the previous one, to warrant being treated like this? Like I was some sort a burden to be saddled with or gotten rid of.


    It''s¡­ complicated.


    "Well uncomplicate it," I said, with no room for argument.


    Now''s not really the best of times¡­


    "Oh no, I don''t think so. You literally said that time in this Dungeon didn''t matter right? So that means we got all the time in the world. Unless you were lying about that too?"


    No, that was true. Every hour spent in here is roughly one second in the real world.


    "Great, so that means we got the time."


    ¡­I


    ¡­


    *Sigh*


    Fine. As you may have guessed, you were not chosen by me, but by one of my sisters. Normally, they would need your consent to transport you to another realm, but she somehow got clearance to bypass this rule. Probably a bored god or lazy clerical worker. Anyway¡­


    I could feel the sweat drop rolling down my head. Was that all it took to disregard divine laws? A bored god or a lazy office worker? Seriously? What the hell is wrong with them?


    When someone is chosen as a Champion, they are granted a special boon. A weapon, an ability, something like that. You, of course, were given the powers of The Gamer.


    But The Gamer needs an administrator. It didn''t used to be that way, but after a few of them went insane due to the Program making some weird decisions, it was decided that those with this particular power must have an overseer. Typically, this would be the one who chose you, but someone, who shall remain nameless, convinced the higher ups it was time for me to leave my¡­ Uh, never mind that part.


    System sounded pretty embarrassed about something, but what. Forced her to leave her¡­ my eyes widened in realization. "You were a shut-in! Hahaha, that''s hilarious!"


    ¡­Yes. I wasn''t always, but¡­


    Anyway, long story short, they forced me to become your administrator, and I may have taken out my frustrations on you. So, you know¡­ my bad and all that.


    There was something in her tone that made me stop laughing. Something that resounded deep in my soul. A sadness I recognized. My mind flashed back to a gravestone, my grandfather''s name carved into it.


    It was the same kind of sadness as that. The sorrow that follows you when someone you dearly love is taken from you. And considering how shitty I behaved after experiencing the same thing, I suppose I could forgive her.


    "Alright. I know that isn''t the whole reason. There''s a story there, but I won''t force you to tell it. I''ll just wait until you''re good and ready," I said, standing up. I had completely calmed down by now, and I was able to push the feelings back down into my stomach where they belong.


    Probably not the healthiest way to deal with emotional problems, but at the moment, I didn''t really give a fuck. I had other shit to worry about.


    ¡­Thanks


    "No problem. Why don''t we start over, hm? My name''s Ushio. Ushio Tenma. What''s yours?" I asked. The System was silent for a moment, before responding, in a lighter and relieved tone.


    I suppose I should tell you my name, just so you don''t come up with something stupid to call me.


    Oh yeah, I was going to name her, wasn''t I? Darn, I was thinking of something along the lines of Bobo. Oh well¡­


    Remember it well human, for I am the mighty angel known as Sahariel!


    "...Yeah, no. That doesn''t work for me. How about I just call you Sarah?" I asked.


    What!? No, my name is Sahariel. What kind of angel is named Sarah?


    "You are Sarah," I said with a shit eating grin.


    Grr¡­


    "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship. Don''t you Sarah?"


    That''s it! Remember when you said you didn''t want a harem? Well just for that, you''re getting one with nothing but violent tomboys!


    "Wait, what!? Come on Sahariel, I was just joking. I know they''re my type and all, but I don''t think I''ll survive more than one! Have mercy!"

 Chapter 19

    Would you like to loot the body of the  Red Ogre ?


    [Yes] [No]


    Hitting yes, I placed my hands over my head and stretched my body, groaning in satisfaction at hearing a little pop. Turns out, fighting monsters and having an emotional breakdown left you feeling all stiff.


    Who knew?


    But what I need now more than anything is a nice hot shower. Not to wash my hair like Ichigo, but to get the overwhelming amount of blood off of my person. Seriously, I looked like I came straight out of a slasher flick.


    After several seconds of watching that damn buffering icon, I finally heard the ding signifying my successful recycling of the corpse. Perfect. Now let''s see what we got.


    <u>Red Orb</u>


    Held by the Red Ogre, this mystical gem is half of the keys needed to release the lock to the Tower of the Ogre Princess. The other, the Blue Orb, is held by the Blue Ogre.


    Yeah, that one was a gimme. But it was nice to see me move ever closer to my goal of saving Hiyori and lording it over her for the rest of my life. I couldn''t wait.


    You know, it''s kind of rude to plot against your future wife like that.


    "My future what?," I asked, momentarily distracted from seeing the spoils of war I was rightly owed.


    Wife. You know, as in spouse? Till death do you part? Ringing any bells?


    I rolled my eyes at the sass. "I know what a wife is, thank you very much. But what in the hell do you mean by Hiyori being my future wife?"


    Oh come on. It''s pretty obvious you have a thing for her. I saw the way you groped that little chest of hers.


    I wasn''t sure what to say to that. I couldn''t formulate a counter, as I indeed enjoyed the act of gropage I performed while inside of her. "So what? I''m a guy. Of course I enjoyed the feeling of boob. Besides, after her trying to bifurcate me with a chainsaw, I don''t see much happening between us, no matter what your scheme may be."


    Oh come on. I know your Intelligence Stat isn''t very high, but I''m sure even you''ve put two and two together.


    "I have no idea what you mean¡­" I denied, though I had a sneaking suspicion she didn''t buy it. Hell, I could practically feel her roll her eyes at me.


    The effect the Red Ogre had on you isn''t limited to inside the Dungeon. It also affected Hiyori, and made her even more violent than usual. Calling yourself her boy toy wouldn''t normally make her made rough to go for the chainsaw. Render you unconscious, sure, but not kill you.


    I sighed as I placed the Red Orb into my Inventory. Yeah, that math checks out. It''s a suspicion I had since she told me about the Area of Effect in this place. Took a bit of the wind out of my sails, not gonna lie. But still, I can''t get the image of her sadistic grin, with my face at the time, out of my head.


    But at the same time, that moment of clarity she showed when I switched my title to Silver Tongued wouldn''t leave either. She sounded confused, and dare I say it, scared. Knowing that, and a feeling in my gut, told me to not hold it against her.


    But I was still mad damn it! That was some scary ass shit! A lesser man would have crapped their pants. But I, as the supreme specimen of men everywhere, was able to hold it in.


    I only peed a little.


    "Fine, even if that is the case, who said anything about marriage? Just because I have a huge heart and am willing to let bygones be bygones, doesn''t mean I''m ringing wedding bells any time soon."


    Oh come on, there''s no need to be shy. I''m sure she''ll look wonderful in a wedding dress. Or you will, if you don''t get your bodies back.


    "Ha ha, very funny. Now if you don''t mind, I''d like to see what else I got from this thing."


    Fine, spoilsport. But this discussion isn''t over mister.


    Finally¡­ I''m glad we''re in a better spot and all, but she sure is determined to make me some other woman''s problem. Or women, if her threat of a harem is to be believed. But that''s a future problem for a future me. Now, let''s see what else this big guy was carrying.


    <u>Girdle of the Great Giant</u>  (Uncommon)


    A belt worn by a mighty giant. Grants the user a portion of his mighty strength.


    -Increase Strength by 20 when worn.


    Upgradeable


    Ok, pretty basic, but still, very useful. My Stats already spec me as a brute, so adding to my Strength is only a good thing. The belt itself was red, with a snarling golden demon head for a buckle.


    There''s also the fact that I may or may not enjoy physically dominating my opponents. Being part Ninja is cool and all, but nothing beats just straight up overpowering your foes.


    <u>Ring of Resistance</u>  (Uncommon)


    A ring forged in the heart of a volcano. The firestone ruby placed in its mold increases the wearer''s resistance to fire and heat.


    -Increase fire resistance by 25%


    Upgradeable


    You know, I''m starting to see a theme here. Everything he has is red and gold. He must have been a pretty big fan of Ironman then. That being said, while the item is useful, it''s also something I could have used earlier. But oh well, beggars can''t be choosers.


    <u>Crystal of Power</u>  (Rare)


    Condensed energy crystalized and given form. Used to increase one''s Stats.


    -Increase Vitality by 5 points


    Oh, now that''s what I''m talking about! Nothing like getting some Stat points for free. The crystal itself was yellow, and appeared rough around the edges. Well, no time like the present, let''s use this bad boy.


    Taking the crystal out of the Inventory, I grinned as I activated it.


    Would you like to use Crystal of Power?


    [Yes] [No]


    Hitting yes, I watched as my Vitality rose by 5, bringing it up to 37. It was far from making me invincible, but I''ll take what I can get.


    After that, the only thing left was the money, a whopping 1,500 Yen. Way more than any enemy has dropped before. Normally it''s 10 times their Level, but this is 100 times their Level. Is it because it was a boss?


    Not quite. It''s more or less for clearing this part of the Dungeon. A little boost to say, "Good job."


    "Well, alright. I''ll take it," I said. But with that, it was time to move on. There really wasn''t anything left for me to do on this side of the isle, so to speak. I watched as the Red Ogre disappeared as I finished looting its body. My eye twitched at the fact that I was still covered in blood, as was everything else that wasn''t the ogre itself.


    I really needed that shower. Letting out a yawn, I suddenly realized how exhausted I was. Which made sense, all things considered. It was the middle of the night and I''ve been running around since this morning.


    Man, it was hard to believe my sparring match against Tatsuki was around 8 hours ago, give or take. Then there was dinner with Karin, which was quite literally the death of me, and then running into Hiyori, getting chased by her and somehow getting roped into traversing her Inner World and saving her from her Hollow.


    It''s sure been a busy day. No wonder I''m so beat. Not to mention how low my Stamina and Reiryoku is. Especially the latter. Casting 2 True Double''s really took it out of me, but it was worth it.


    But I don''t think I can continue on like this. Even after the nap I got in earlier, it wasn''t the most restful sleep, considering I was in a damn barrel. I mean, Samantha is great and all, but the inside of her isn''t exactly what I''d call comfortable.


    Well, with all the enemies dead, I should be safe enough to sleep somewhere. I know I ran all around this place and inspected basically every house I could, but I don''t remember if any of them were particularly inviting.


    Just head to the destination on the Map. It should have everything you need.


    Perking up at the sound of her voice, I checked the Map and what do you know, there was a yellow marker pulsating from a house. Luckily, it didn''t seem too far, just a few minutes of walking and I should be there.


    "Thanks a bunch Sarah," I said with another yawn. With a destination in mind, I began making my way towards it. It took a bit longer than I thought, mostly because the Map doesn''t show elevation, but I arrived at a fairly swanky apartment on the second floor of a complex.


    The interior was still a bit dated, but there was a couch, a table, a bedroom, and most important of all, a shower! And a fairly modern one to boot. Nice, for a second I was worried I''d need to start a fire or something to get some water going.


    Alright, first I''ll shower, then I''ll eat, and finally, zonk out for several hours. Plan set, I immediately began to strip, shoving my filthy clothes into my Inventory. I wasn''t exactly looking forward to putting them back on either, but the pants and the shoes were the best armor I have.


    Because as bloody as they were, I was not putting on an ogre''s soiled loincloth. I guess I could run around in the Shadow Ogre''s Loincloth, but that just made me feel like a pervert. It barely covered anything. And for all I know, Hiyori''s Hollow could be watching me at this very moment¡­


    Hang on, speaking of people watching me. "Hey, Sarah¡­?" I asked, covering my chest with my arms.


    Yeah, what is it?


    "So, you''re some kind of angel administrator person right? How does that work exactly?"


    What do you mean?


    "I mean, are you like, in a room somewhere, looking at me through a screen or something?"


    "Don''t be silly. I''m not looking through a screen, I am the screen.


    "Wait, what?" I asked, genuinely confused, dropping my arms to the side. "What do you mean you''re the screen?"


    Angels are what you might call a spiritual lifeform. We have no true physical form. So when I was forced into this job, they just changed my form. It''s why a lot of angels don''t like getting saddled with a Gamer. Why do you ask?


    Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.


    "Oh, no reason. Just curious is all," I said, maybe a little too quickly. A few seconds of silence ticked by, feeling like an eternity.


    Is that why you covered your chest? Because you thought I was watching you through a screen? What would that even do?


    "Well I''m not covering up my son. We were just reunited recently. And I was just trying to make a joke, but then you surprised me," I said, turning the shower on. But as I waited for it to heat up, another thought crossed my mind.


    "Hang on, if you''re the screen, doesn''t that mean I''m technically touching you whenever I click something?"


    Pretty much yeah. I wasn''t going to mention it, but now that you brought it up, could you be a bit more gentle with me? I am a lady you know.


    My mind went blank at that. So then, what exactly was I touching whenever I did something to a screen? Was this a Hiyori situation? Was I groping Sarah without even realizing it?


    *Snicker*


    Hearing her laugh snapped me out of the path my mind was wandering down. "And just what is so funny?" I asked.


    Your face. You were just thinking you''ve been copping a feel this whole time, weren''t you? Admit it.


    "I don''t know what you''re talking about," I denied, which only further increased the giggling. It was still creepy as hell, not gonna lie.


    Listen, I''m currently a screen. I have no lady parts for you to fondle at the moment. Sorry to disappoint. When you do touch me, it''s more like the feeling you get when someone is tapping you on the head while you''re wearing a hard hat. Just, all over.


    "That''s a relief, I guess. Still a bit weird though," I mumbled as I stepped into the warm shower. I sighed in relief as the hot water battered my weary frame, loosening my tight muscles. Man it felt good.


    I stood there, simply enjoying the feeling for several minutes, before finally looking for some soap or something. Finding a bar that smelled like vanilla and coconut, I began to lather myself up.


    "So, what does an administrator do exactly? You mentioned something about preventing people going mad," I asked, washing underneath my arm.


    That only happened five times. But to put it simply, my job is to ensure the generation of Quests, Dungeons and such, is done so properly. You know, make sure things are relatively balanced. I mostly report bugs and make patch suggestions.


    "Huh, I see," I murmured, continuing to wash my body. After rinsing the suds off I repeated the process, wanting to get as much blood and grime off as I possibly could.


    But then a thought occurred to me, "Wait, does that mean you know everything that''s in these Dungeons? Or about what''s happening outside?"


    Not really. Like I said, I mainly report bugs and glitches. I have an idea of what I''m supposed to see and how things are supposed to progress, but that''s about it. We used to have more control, but that didn''t turn out so well¡­ Had to start a few universe''s over.


    "Right¡­" I drawled out. Not sure I want to know what happened that would cause a universal restart. Some things are best left to the imagination.


    "Another question. When you said I was entertainment for a higher power, was that all bullshit as well?" I asked after several minutes of silence.


    ¡­


    I waited several seconds for an answer, but when none came, I grew a bit concerned. "Uh, Sarah? You there?"


    Huh? What? You say something?


    I paused in my washing, taking note of the tone in her voice. "Everything ok? You sound rather¡­ distracted."


    Hmm? Oh, yes I''m fine, no distractions here. Anyway, you were saying?


    Alright, now I was suspicious. She answered that way too fast. But what could she be so engrossed in that would render her unable to respond. Looking down at the soap in my hands, I came to a realization.


    I was naked. Not the greatest epiphany in the world, considering I was bathing, but it did make me recollect something. A conversation we just had. I asked her if she was watching me through the screen from a room somewhere, and she said she was the screen.


    But she never actually denied watching me. I crossed my hands over my chest again.


    "You pervert."


    Wha!? How dare you! I''m merely observing you to ensure I can make an accurate report if needed. And why are you covering your chest again? It does nothing!


    "Uh huh, and what exactly do you intend to report? Length x width?" I asked sarcastically. I didn''t really mind if some angel chick was watching me bathe, but this was too great an opportunity to pass up.


    I¡­ You¡­ Shut up!


    I snickered as she went all silent on me. There was a righteous indignation there, or maybe it was self righteous. Either way, it was funny. I made sure to bathe in a more suggestive manner from then on.


    After staying in the shower till the hot water ran out, I left the bathroom with a cloud of steam billowing into the hallway. "Ah man, that felt great," I said with a satisfied smile. Nothing like a nice hot shower after a hard day of work.


    "Alright, now let''s see what they have to eat around here," I muttered, walking towards the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and saw there was enough to make a bologna and cheese sandwich. A few actually.


    And¡­ sparkling apple cider? Really? I was expecting booze or something, not fizzy apple juice. Well whatever, as long as it tastes good, I''ll be happy.


    So that''s what I did. It wasn''t the healthiest meal, but it would be satisfying enough. There was some bread on the counter, and I quickly found the knives. Taking a butter knife, I spread some mayo over both halves of the bread slices, before sticking a piece of bologna on top. Then I did the same with the cheese, and repeated the process until I had two stacks of each. I then covered the top with the second slice of bread and viola, a nice cheap meal.


    "Alright, one down, one more to go. Hey Sarah, you aren''t still mad at me, are you?" I asked, starting to make my second sandwich.


    Hmph!


    I rolled my eyes as I spread the mayo. "Oh come on, I was just messing with you. You''re the one who was so gobsmacked you couldn''t answer my questions."


    ¡­


    I sighed at the continued silence. See, this is why I don''t want to deal with a harem. One woman is hard enough to understand, let alone a whole gaggle of them. "Ok, look, I''m sorry alright. Now can we have a conversation please? Food is best enjoyed with company."


    You know, I might have believed you if you weren''t STILL NAKED!


    "Ah fuck, my ears! There''s no need to shout. Besides, it''s not like I have much to change into right now. And there was no towel! I''m not going to put on clothes while soaking wet."


    *Sigh*


    Whatever. What did you want to talk about?


    "See, that''s better," I said, finishing up my second sandwich. I took my meal and drink over to the couch, placing it on the table in front of it. I grabbed the first sandwich and, with a wide grin, took a bite.


    "Mmm, not not bad. The cheddar could be a bit sharper. Anyway, back to my question form earlier. Am I really entertainment for a higher power?"


    Ugh, don''t talk with your mouth full¡­ But to answer your question, yes. Gods have always enjoyed watching heroes attempt to triumph over impossible odds. It may not be as malicious as I implied, but you are, in fact, a form of entertainment.


    "Hmm, that right¡­" I mumbled, swallowing my food and taking a drink of the apple cider. After swallowing it and releasing a burp, I asked my next question.


    "Ok, but why send me here? I mean, couldn''t they just watch Ichigo overcome the odds. That''s what happens normally, right?"


    You are such a boy¡­ Anyway, under normal circumstances you would be correct, but gods are immortal, and grow bored easily. Why would they bother watching the same show over and over again when they can just introduce a new variable and see what happens?


    "So it''s kind of like watching a reaction video. Or reading a fanfiction. I guess I get that. But why me? I know I went out like a boss, but that can''t be the only criteria. I don''t think I''m particularly heroic. I was kind of an asshole for a while," I questioned.


    And that was putting it mildly. I would pick fights just to numb the pain, even if it was only for a little bit. I didn''t even care who I was fighting, as long as it kept the memories at bay.


    You''re too hard on yourself, you know. They would have died if you didn''t step in, so don''t beat yourself up over every little misdeed you''ve done. Use it as fuel to do better.


    "I guess¡­"


    But to answer your question, you were selected, from what I understand, because you have a caring heart, even if you don''t like to show it. I mean, you willingly poisoned yourself just so a little girl wouldn''t cry. Tatsuki was right, you really are a big softy.


    I ate the rest of my meal in silence, even though I said I wanted the conversation. Was she right? Did I deserve to be here? One act of bravery at the end doesn''t just erase the bad I''ve done.


    But maybe Sarah was right and I should use the guilt I feel to fuel myself and do some actual good. And not just to complete a Quest, but because I want to. Yeah, that doesn''t sound half bad.


    Gotta make sure I don''t turn into some sort of goody two shoes though. Just because I want to better myself, doesn''t mean I''m going to get all preachy about it. You know, those heroes of justice types.


    If I can make the world a better place and slake my thirst to punch douchebags and assholes in the face, why shouldn''t I? Sounds like a win-win to me.


    "Hey, Sarah?"


    Yeah?


    "Thanks."


    Anytime.


    I sat up straight on the couch and stretched once again, feeling my body demand sleep more than ever. "Alright, now that I''m all nice and dry and my belly is good and full, I think it''s time to hit the hay," I said, standing up. I then made my way towards the bedroom.


    But I didn''t get into any nasty old ogre''s bed. No siree. I opened up my Inventory and brought out my bed. It feels like forever since I''ve seen it, and it''s never looked more inviting.


    Locking the door behind me, just in case, I proceeded to close the blinds as best as I could to block out the damn sun. Thankfully the rooms were air conditioned, or I''m not sure I could have slept even if I wanted to. The Red Ogre''s District was hot as hell. After that, I promptly climbed into my soft and comfy bed, sighing in contentment.


    Oh yeah, that''s the good stuff.


    "Good night Sarah," I mumbled as I felt myself drift off into wonderland. Maybe I''ll get to meet Alice?


    Goodnight Ushio. Pleasant dreams.


    With that, I fell asleep. I may not have gotten to meet Alice, but I did dream of Hiyori and Tatsuki in wonderland. For some reason, they were both Succubi. Wonder why¡­


    Elsewhere in the Dungeon¡­


    A young looking girl with blonde hair and freckles was chained to a wall, her feet dangling in the air. Both her arms were placed above her head, her wrists shackled tightly.


    Her face was bruised and swollen, and dried blood coated part of it. Sweat covered her body and her clothes were torn in several places. All in all, she looked like hell.


    The girl tried to adjust herself to ease the strain she felt on her shoulders, but it did little to abate the pain. She would have no choice but to endure.


    She tried to remember just how she ended up here. She remembers that giant of a baldy calling himself her¡­ her¡­ boy toy! Right to that blabbermouth Mashiro! She intended to punch him in his big fat mouth, but he took off running like a coward.


    She gave chase, but lost him amongst the maze-like structure of the warehouse district. That just made her angrier, and everything gained a tint of red. But he couldn''t escape her for long, and she eventually cornered him in a building, but then he¡­


    Threw a rock at her balls! That was something she never thought she would say. And she''d like it if she never said it again! The red tint to her vision turned crimson, and she blacked out a bit.


    Or completely.


    She came to, briefly, but her Hollow somehow gained control of her Inner World completely. And she hasn''t even seen Kabukiri Orochi, who was supposed to be suppressing it.


    When she blacked out the second time, she found herself here in this room, chained to the wall, where her Hollow took sick pleasure in tormenting her. At least she was in her own body again, but something was off about the whole situation, she just couldn''t put her finger on it.


    Her ears perked up as she heard the door open and footsteps began to approach. Speak of the devil¡­ She turned her head to glare at the approaching figure, who only smiled in return.


    "Now what''s that look for? And after I came all this way to keep you company. You should be thankful," stated the figure. Rather than reduce the anger of the girl, it only increased it, her glare becoming even more hateful.


    "Who the hell would want your company? Now untie me!" she screamed. But the other figure did no such thing, not that the imprisoned girl expected her too. If anything, she merely sighed in disappointment.


    "You really are so cold to me. And to think¡­" she stated, walking up to the trapped girl and rubbing her cheek affectionately. "We share the same face. It''s almost like we''re sisters."


    It wasn''t just the face that was the same, it was the clothes too. They wore the exact same thing, only the colors were inverted. Her shirt was red rather than white, and her jumpsuit was white instead of red. The only real difference between them was the fact that the other girl''s hair was white, not blonde, and her eyes were a bright yellow surrounded by a black sclera.


    Which made sense, considering this was the captured girl''s Hollow. A twisted version of herself.


    Her hand then went from her face and slowly started to move down her body. "In fact, we share many things, don''t we Hiyori? We''re almost identical in every way¡­"


    "Don''t touch me!" the chained girl shouted, as the Hollow''s small hand trailed over her breast. This made her captor frown for the first time, and a loud slap rang out in the room. Hiyori''s face was facing to the right now, her cheek red and stinging.


    "Now see what you''ve made me do?" stated the unchained girl, anger lacing her tone. But her captive only glared at her, spitting a wad of blood at her feet.


    With a sigh, the Hollow took a step back, staring right into Hiyori''s own. "You know, you''re very difficult to put up with. No wonder you''re still single," mocked the Hollow. Hyiori growled at her, a hint of red tinting her cheeks that had nothing to do with the slap from earlier.


    "S-shut up! Who the hell cares about that anyway!? If you have nothing better to say than go away already!" Hiyori shouted. But her angry bluster only seemed to amuse her captor.


    "Aw, did I embarrass you? Should I remind you about how much you liked seeing that hunk form earlier grope your chest with such zeal? It was like he was entranced by them," the Hollow stated, puffing her chest out and fondling herself.


    Hiyori glared at her with an even bigger blush. "If that''s what you saw then you need to get your eyes checked. No way I liked seeing that dumbass baldy grope me!"


    Her hollow giggled in response, "My, how cruel you are. And after he came all this way to save you. Not very grateful are you?"


    That caught Hiyori''s attention, as her eyes went from pissed to bewildered in about 2 seconds flat. "Huh, what the hell are you talking about?"


    The Hollow''s smile turned predatory at the question, "Oh, didn''t you know? That Ushio guy is here, and he''s even defeated one of the guardians. Too bad he won''t be able to beat the other one. Such a shame to have to kill a man of his¡­ caliber, but oh well."


    Hiyori kept up her glare at the Hollow, though now it was tinged with worry. Sure the guy was an idiot who fondled strangers, but he didn''t deserve to be her Hollow''s play thing. A deck to the schnoz would more than suffice.


    Or maybe a couple.


    And how did he get in her Inner World? He didn''t even know how to get out of her body, no way he did it on his own. He had to have had help, and there''s only one person she could think of who possessed the capability of doing so.


    "Kisuke¡­" she growled out. If she got out of this alive, she would kill him. How dare he let some stranger enter her mind without her permission.


    "But just in case, I think I''ll prepare something special, in the off chance he makes it this far," said the Hollow with a smirk. Hiyori watched as she pulled something out of her pocket roughly the size of an egg.


    "What the hell is that?" she asked, worriedly. Whatever scheme her Hollow came up with did not bode well for her.


    "Oh there''s no need to worry about that. Now, open up," the Hollow said in a sing-song voice. Hiyori''s eyes widened as the other woman approached, struggling in vain to get free.


    "No, get away from me!"

 Chapter 20

    One Week Ago, in the Heavenly Realm


    The tempered clinking of metal boots echoed through the gilded halls as a beautiful young woman stormed down them. People who saw her furious face dove out of the way, desperate to avoid her ire.


    Each of her steps left slight marks in the marbled, pearly white floors. Her dull, pink hair swished back and forth behind her with every stride forward. Her destination was set and nothing would see her from her goal.


    Not that anyone dared to try.


    Her armor, made of tempered mythril, gleamed against the radiant light coming through the crystal glass windows. Pure white angelic feathers cascaded down one side of her mail, almost like a flowing skirt.


    Her name was Clarisca, and she was a Valkyrie. Not just any Valkyrie either, but one of the Knights of Dominion. Their order maintained peace and stability within the Heavenly Realm, ensuring that every angel, god or otherwise performed their duty. A task she took to with some gusto.


    Too much, some would say.


    The reason she was stampeding through the halls of the palace dormitory, was to see her sister, one she hasn''t spoken to in nearly a century. Not because they were estranged, though maybe they were now, but because her beloved sister had locked herself inside her room, refusing to come out, choosing instead to wallow in self pity.


    Clarisca understood her reasoning, and that was why she left her sister to her own devices, figuring she would get over the loss eventually. But after a hundred years, enough was enough, it was time to move on, she had been indulged enough.


    Which was why, not too long ago, she had put together a pamphlet detailing several promising heroes she could guide and nurture. She had put that list together painstakingly, going to great lengths to get the best of the best for her sister to ease her back into work.


    Only for the little brat to reject them all. The nerve! Didn''t she know how much work she put into that? All because she had to love her little sister. Being an older sibling sure was tough sometimes.


    After several minutes she made it to her sister''s room. The door was a dark pink, with the handle being polished brass. Or at least it was supposed to. But time had weathered it into a dull luster, a parody of its former self.


    Much like her sister.


    With a sigh, she raised her arm and gave the door three hard knocks, "Sarah, it''s your sister, open up!" Clarisca shouted, gathering the attention of several neighbors, who came strolling out from their rooms, staring at her with curiosity.


    Several seconds ticked by without so much as a peep from her sister. Growling in frustration, she knocked once more, though pounding might be more accurate. "Sarah, I''m warning you, open this door right now, or I''ll break it down," she threatened.


    "Go away," came a muffled voice from within. It wasn''t much, but it was progress.


    "I can''t do that. It''s been a hundred years already. Time to give up your hikineet lifestyle and rejoin the working force," Clarisca commanded. But once again, she was met with silence.


    "Fine, if that''s the way you want to play it¡­" she ground out, using her magic to summon her sister''s room key from a pocket dimension. She then placed it inside the lock, and gave it a good hard twist.


    The sound of a lock coming undone filled the older woman with satisfaction as she opened the door. Or attempted to, at least. It barely moved 3 inches before hitting something and halting her progress.


    But it was enough to look inside. She leaned in towards the crack, trying to see what was stymying her, only to recoil in revulsion. The smell was absolutely atrocious, and her eyes watered from the overbearing stench.


    "Ah, hrgh, sister¡­ when was the last time you¡­ugh¡­ cleaned your room?" Clarisca asked, fearing the answer from the very core of her being.


    "Um, let''s see¡­ about, 40¡­ or wait, maybe it was 50¡­ I don''t know, a long time," Sarah answered from within. It was just as her older sister feared. She had given up on the basics of hygiene. She shuddered at thinking of how long it''s been since she bathed.


    "How can you-oh god¡­ how can you live this way?" Clarisca asked.


    "Oh come on, it''s not that bad!" shouted Sarah from within. But of course, she was completely used to the stench, unlike her poor older sister.


    "It''s a biological weapon! Now, get whatever it is blocking my way inside and move it! We have things to do," Clarisca yelled again.


    "No!" Sarah yelled back.


    "Alright, fine. I tried to do it the nice way, but you left me no choice¡­" Clarisca whispered ominously. She took a few steps back, moving away from the room. She then held out her right hand, palm facing towards the door, a ball of golden light forming in front of it.


    "Last chance!" she shouted. But no reply came.


    "Have it your way then," Clarisca muttered, before firing the ball of light directly at the door. It hit, and immediately the door exploded outward with a thunderous boom. The gawkers, having seen what was about to happen, fled back into their own rooms.


    Clarisa waited a few moments until the dust cleared away before stepping over the threshold. She stared at the disgusting room with horror. Bags of trash were piled high, with several stacks reaching the ceiling.


    Clothes that had never been washed were scattered about the room in great heaping piles. Some were so drenched in grim they were literally stuck to the ceiling. The smell wafting out from the crack in the door was nothing compared to the sheer, nose curdling stench of being in the eye of the storm.


    Her sister, Sarah, stood up from behind her soiled bed, releasing deep, ragged coughs. The blast had knocked her off of her bed, and the dust it created tickled her throat and lungs.


    Like Clarisca, she too had dull pink hair, though it was usually brighter than her sisters, but at the moment, it was a greasy tangled mess. Her clothes, a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt, were similarly disheveled in appearance, covered in stains and wrinkles.


    All in all, she looked like the definition of a mess.


    "Claire! What the hell!?" Sarah managed out between coughs. She glared at her sister, who stood there with her arms crossed over her chest.


    "I warned you. Not my fault you didn''t listen. Now let''s go, you need a bath and a clean pair of clothes," Clarisca demanded. Sarah glared at her, pupils darting around the room, looking for a way to escape.


    "Don''t even think about it," her sister warned, seeing the squirrely look in her eyes. But her sister wasn''t listening, opting instead to kick one of the smaller piles of filthy clothes at her. It bounced off of a shimmering, golden shield, but it did its job of blocking Claire''s line of sight, allowing Sarah to try and run around her sister.


    Unfortunately for her, it would prove to be less than successful. Even her attempt to juke her failed spectacularly. Claire grabbed her by the back of her shirt, specifically around the neck area, causing Sarah to gasp as she was choked. With her momentum suddenly halted, Claire slammed her into the ground, making her land painfully on her butt.


    "Ow¡­ That hurt!" Sarah griped. She looked up at her sister, only to gulp nervously at the angry glare coming her way. "Um, hehehe, sorry?" But her sister was not in a forgiving mood, as she began to drag the younger woman out of the room.


    "Noo! I don''t want to go!" Sarah yelled petulantly, her arms flailing uselessly towards her room as she was forcibly dragged out of its confines.


    "Will you stop acting like a child?" Claire asked, exasperated. But Sarah just crossed her arms over her chest with a pout, glaring at the retreating hallway impotently. Claire just sighed as she continued to drag her sister to the baths.


    While Sarah was expecting this, what she was not expecting was for her sister to yeet her into the steaming waters. She barely had enough time to realize she was airborne before she hit the water with a loud splash.


    Erupting from the enormous, pool-like bath with a spluttering cough, she glared at her older sister, "What''s wrong with you!? I could have drowned!" she accused, pointing a finger at Claire, who seemed wholly unbothered by the accusation.


    "Angels can''t drown," she stated simply, taking most of the wind out of her sister''s sails, as her arm slowly lowered. "Oh, right¡­ But still, you could have been more gentle with me! You brute!"


    Claire sighed, and in a flash of light that made Sarah flinch, her clothes disappeared, revealing her nude form in all its glory. She then made her way into the large bath herself, humming in contentment as the warm waters soothed her muscles, closing her eyes to enjoy the sensation.


    Seeing this, Sarah gave her own sigh, before doing the same, discarding her filthy clothes in a similar flash of light. Now in the buff like her sister, she leaned back into the bath, making her own noise of pleasure.


    She didn''t want to admit it, but the warm water felt good. It''s been far too long since she''s done this. She copied her sister and closed her eyes as well.


    After a few minutes went by with them just enjoying the bath, Claire opened her eyes to give her sister a look. Seeing her like this, it was hard to believe she was a hardcore hikineet. The only real sign of her lifestyle was the rat''s nest she called hair.


    "Sarah," Claire called out, with her sister humming in acknowledgment. She used her magic once more to summon various hair care products, placing them on the edge of the bath.


    "Come here. Let''s take care of that bed head of yours."


    Sarah opened one eye, gazing at her sister with suspicion. But seeing her soft, honest smile of encouragement, her own eyes softened. She gave a small huff before making her way over, sitting in front of her older sister with her back turned to her.


    With Sarah in place, Claire gathered up some water in a cup and poured it over her head, getting her hair wet. She then grabbed some special shampoo, gathering a generous amount of the liquid in her hands before gently kneading it into the other girl''s scalp.


    Sarah groaned in appreciation, enjoying the feeling of having her head massaged. Claire was careful not to be too forceful with her ministrations lest she hurt her shut-in of a sister.


    After about a minute of this, Claire grabbed a comb, one that glowed with a dim purple light. This comb was a bit unique, as it used magic to untangle knots in one''s hair in as pain free a manner as it could. But with just how tangled her sister''s hair was, it had its work cut out for it.


    It took several minutes, and Sarah winced in pain a few times, but eventually, her hair was straightened out, the comb gliding smoothly through her pink locks. Nodding in satisfaction, Claire then dumped water over her sister''s head again, washing the shampoo out.


    The final step was the conditioner, which would return her hair to its former silky luster. It had to be left in for about ten minutes, give or take, before it could take its full effect, which gave her time to convince her sister to return to work.


    "There, that should do it. Now just let it set for a bit," Claire said, a small happy smile on her face.


    "Thanks," Sarah mumbled, as she swam away.


    "After this we need to pick out something to wear from my room. Can''t have you meeting with Michael naked. Though I''m sure he wouldn''t mind, damn pervert," Claire grumbled, making Sarah''s eyes turn downcast.


    "Are you still on about that? Look, the bath was nice and all, but I''m not going back to work," Sarah told her sister stubbornly. Claire rolled her eyes at this, eyes showing irritation in them once more.


    "Yes you are. One hundred years is more than enough vacation time," she stated. She crossed her arms over her modest bust, eyes drilling holes into the back of her sister''s head.


    "I can''t¡­" Sarah murmured, barely above a whisper. But Claire was still able to hear it.


    "And why not? I know what happened was a tragedy, but it wasn''t your-"


    "What the hell would you know!?" Sarah screamed out, turning around with angry tears in her eyes. The outburst caused Claire to recoil slightly, eye wide as she stared at her sister.


    "Sarah, look I-"


    "No! I know what you were about to say, that it wasn''t my fault, but it was! It was all my fault! It was my choices that got him killed, no one else''s! So don''t sit there and lie to me!"


    Sarah was sobbing at this point, and Claire was unsure of what to do. Emotions weren''t her strongest suit. So she did the only thing that came to mind, and wrapped her sister in her arms, holding her close. It was a bit awkward, given their state of undress, but that wouldn''t stop her from comforting her sister the best she could.


    It must have been the right thing to do, as Sarah latched onto the older woman with desperation. Tears cascading down her face like a waterfall, mixing in with the bath. It was a good thing Claire was already wet, or she would be soaking right now.


    Claire held her sister for several long minutes, feeling her sister''s body racking with sobs. She stroked her hair, whispering into her ears to try and soothe her pain. "There, there. Everything''s alright. You''re ok."


    Sarah eventually stopped crying, being reduced to merely sniffling. Her body slackened as all the energy seeped out from her body. The only thing really holding her up was her sister.


    Sarah said something, but her voice was too low, too quiet for Claire to hear. "Sorry, what was that?" she asked gently. Her sister''s body seemed to sag even more at that, if it were possible. But she did respond to Claire''s inquiry.


    "...I can still hear him, you know. His screams, as they tortured him. Him begging me for help. I hear it, everyday. Whenever I look in the mirror, there he is, body mutilated, staring at me with deep accusations. "It''s your fault," he says. "You did this to me!" And he''s right. It is all my fault."


    Claire could do nothing but rub her sister''s back as she poured her heart out. It hurt, hearing how broken she sounded as she spoke. But she would listen. She knew the gist of what happened, everyone did. The incident caused a whole world to be isolated from the greater whole of the multiverse.


    "They made me watch, you know. For three days straight I was chained to a wall, unable to do a thing to help. The things they did to him¡­ I never truly understood the meaning of evil until that day. But you know, they saved his eyes for last. They wanted me to see the hope leave his eyes before they ripped them from his skull. So don''t even try and say he didn''t blame me, because I saw it all in his eyes."


    Claire herself was trying not to cry now. Reading a report on what happened, hearing third hand accounts of those who weren''t even there didn''t hold a candle to hearing it from her sister.


    "They never touched me, you know. They left me in perfect condition, not out of kindness, but to cause him even more pain and suffering. He was being tortured to death while I barely felt any discomfort. They knew if they killed me, I would just return to the Heavenly Realm, and they wanted to ensure I never came back."


    "Well, they certainly succeeded in that regard," Claire thought. Probably better than they were hoping, considering she''s been a shut-in for a century now.


    "Once they did finally kill him, they threw us both in a cell. I had to watch as his body rotted away, feasted on by bugs and rats, as I slowly died of thirst. It was the first time I cursed my angelic physiology. So you see, I can''t do this again. I can''t go through that a second time. If it wasn''t for the decisions I made on his journey, he would have defeated the demon king and saved the world. So please¡­ don''t make me."


    Claire held onto her for a bit longer, before she gently moved her sister away from her, keeping her hands on her shoulders. She stared into the red, tear stained eyes of the younger girl, and her resolve nearly wavered. But she had to remain strong. It would not be a kindness if she allowed her to wallow in her pit of despair for eternity.


    "I''m sorry Sarah, but this is for your own good. I love you too much to see you remain like this forever, even if you hate me for it, Claire stated. Sarah bit her bottom lip in frustration, drawing a small amount of blood.


    "Fine. Let''s just go," she said, turning to leave. She grabbed a robe off of a hook as she stormed off. Claire sighed, trying her best not to regret her decision. But she couldn''t allow her sister to wither away into nothing. She had to do something, and this was the only real option available.


    Following her sister out of the bath, she too grabbed a robe and left, sending the hair care products back to where they came from before doing so.


    The two quietly made their way towards Claire''s place of residence. She wanted to say something, but with how upset Sarah was, she just didn''t know what to say. What words were there that would bring solace to someone who''s mistake caused someone you cared about to be tortured to death right in front of you?


    There probably weren''t any. If that were the case, then it was better to remain silent.


    They entered Claire''s apartment, which was far cleaner than her sister''s. A black, leather couch sat against a wall with a glass coffee table in front of it. Across from that was a large flatscreen t.v hanging from the wall with a dresser below it, which contained a dvd player and sound system on top.


    The floors were a dark, ebony wood and the walls were pure white. The kitchen was as spick and span as it ever was, the black and white marbled countertop without a speck of dust to be found. While Sarah found the apartment tasteful overall, it always felt a bit cold and impersonal. There wasn''t a single personal item or decoration to be found. Then again, her sister did value function over anything else.


    There were three doors leading to different rooms. One was of course Claire''s and one was the bathroom. The last one was her room. She hasn''t seen it in years, not since she moved out right after the incident.


    "I see you haven''t changed much over the years," Sarah commented as she gazed around the room.


    "Why would I?" Claire responded as she walked past her sister, heading for her room. "All your stuff is still in your room, so hurry up and put something on. We''re already running late."


    Sarah turned to her sister in surprise. "You kept it? Why?" she asked, somewhat dumbfounded. She was certain her older sister would have tossed out her stuff years ago.


    Claire stopped in her door frame, turning to face her sister, a small smile on her face. "Just in case you ever came home." With that she continued into her room, not seeing the look on Sarah''s face.


    As angry as she was about what was happening, she was still touched by the gesture. But that didn''t mean her sister was off the hook, not by a long shot. But as long as she could convince Michael she was unfit for duty, she should be able to return to her nice, quiet life where nobody around her dies screaming in pain.


    Entering her room she was hit by a wave of nostalgia. And embarrassment. Was she really this into pink before? She almost wished her sister had thrown everything out.


    Walking over to her closet, she frowned at the colorful outfits on display. Not only that, but they were awfully skimpy. Was she a slut? She didn''t think so, but these outfits were clearly a cry for attention. That skirt barely covered anything! One wrong step and both cheeks would be on full display!


    So not that one then.


    Sarah carefully examined every article of clothing before settling on one that was marginally better than the others.


    She now wore a pair of jean booty shorts that actually covered the booty, which not all of them did. Next she wore a black, leather vest with silver buttons that opened up on the bottom to show off her stomach. The back of it flared out into tips that also covered her booty. Finally she wore a pair of brown boots that came up to just below her knees.


    She looked at herself in the mirror, nodding in relative satisfaction. She would have preferred something simpler, like a hoodie and some sweatpants, but it would have to do. At least the top was black.


    A knock at her door distracts her from admiring herself. "Yeah, what is it?" she asked gruffly. The door then opened to reveal her sister in all her tomboy glory.


    She wore a pair of tight camo pants with a thick leather belt around her waist. Her shirt was white and just barely reached the belt. Next was a dark blue jacket with dull, golden trim that reached about mid stomach. She wore a simple pair of boots on her feet.


    "I didn''t say you could come in," Sarah complained.


    "You asked what I wanted. I wanted to come in. So, are you ready?" Claire responded, looking her sister up and down.


    "Would it matter if I said no?" she asked sarcastically.


    "Not really. Let''s go," Claire said, turning to leave. Sarah rolled her eyes but complied all the same. The two left the apartment, with Claire locking the door behind them. You''d think living in the Heavenly Realm meant you didn''t need to worry about such things, but that was wrong. Plenty of gods of thieves exist, and they loved unlocked doors. It''s like they had a sixth sense for it.


    Come to think of it, wasn''t Sarah''s room completely open?


    *Line Break*


    "Oh, what do we have here?" asked Hermes, staring at an open doorway. "Well, don''t mind if I do," he said, stepping into the room.


    And immediately regretted it. The smell hit his nose like a freight train and the room began to spin. It was like the 60''s all over again. He tried to turn to leave but was hit by a wave of vertigo, dropping him to the ground.


    "Someone¡­ help," he begged, hand reaching for the doorframe. He then collapsed unconscious, with foam coming out of his mouth, eyes completely white.


    Several other thief gods would find the room, each one ending up in a similar state to Hermes.


    *Line Break*


    It was probably fine.


    The duo walked swiftly towards their destination. Well, Claire did. When she saw her sister lagging behind, she threatened to drag her again, which made her pick up the pace.


    The two entered a large, round chamber that resembled a lift. But instead of taking people up or down, it merely teleported them to where they wanted to go. "Destination?" a feminine robotic voice questioned.


    "Administration," Claire responded.


    "Acknowledged."


    The room lit up with a bright emerald glow before the two of them disappeared in a flash of light. Almost instantly, they were in an identical room. The doors in front of them slid open with a hiss.


    "You have reached Administration. Have a nice day."


    "Come on," Claire said. Sarah rolled her eyes but followed along anyway. Part of her wanted to make a break for it but knew she couldn''t outrun her sister. Even if she managed to make it to a Travel Gate, a portal to a mortal world, her sister would just follow her and hogtie her before dragging her back anyway.


    That attitude is exactly why her sister is still single.


    But as they stepped out of the Transport Room, Sarah nearly bumped into someone. "Woah," she said, as she moved out of the way. Giving the person a look, Sarah took note of her somewhat strange appearance.


    She wore a black dress that looked like it belonged on a witch. Her hair was purple, and it covered nearly her entire body, falling down to the floor in perfectly straight strands. Her eyes could be seen peeking through the curtain of her hair, both bloodshot and swirling in a mixture of colors.


    "Oh, hey Metis. Sorry for almost bumping into you like that," Sarah said, giving the strange girl a smile. Metis tilted her head, leaning in close to get a good look at her.


    "Sarah¡­ Is that you? It''s been¡­ So long¡­ How have you¡­ Been?" she asked in her slow, airy voice. Talking to her took forever, but it would be rude to just ignore her. So she had to talk with her, she had no choice really.


    "Uh, I''ve been, ok," Sarah muttered.


    "I''m glad¡­ To hear that¡­ When I heard¡­ You shut¡­ Yourself in¡­ Your room¡­ I was¡­ Worried¡­ I''m glad to see¡­ You''re ok¡­"


    "Uh, thanks. So, how have you been?" she asked, ignoring the look her sister was giving her. Sarah gave her one of her own, one that said, "What am I supposed to do?"


    "I''ve been¡­ Good¡­ Busy¡­ Working on a new¡­ Game for¡­ Teth¡­ Should be¡­ Interesting¡­"


    "Oh, that sounds cool. What kind of game is it," Sarah asked with a smile. Clare glared at her, figuring out her plan to use Metis as a way to procrastinate meeting with Michael.


    "I''m sorry Metis, but we have a meeting with Michael and we''re running late. If you''ll excuse us," she said. Metis gave a look of understanding that no one understood. Her expression hardly ever changed after all.


    "There''s no need¡­ To apologize¡­ I understand¡­ Completely¡­ It was nice¡­ Talking to you¡­ Sahariel¡­ Until next time¡­"


    "Bye," Sarah said, watching the other girl wander into the Transporter Room. She turned to her sister, who was glaring at her.


    "What?" she asked with false innocence. Claire gave a sigh of frustration, before turning on her heels. "Come on," she commanded briskly, with Sarah languidly following behind.


    They made their way down the hall before coming to another round room, this one far bigger than the Transporter. Delilah, the secretary, sat at her desk, leaning back watching what sounded like an anime, munching on something that would surely clog a mortal''s arteries.


    She had dark blue hair done in a side bun, with a few strands falling lazily in front of her amethyst colored eyes. She wore a basic secretary uniform, with a nice, white skirt and matching jacket.


    "Delilah, we''re here to meet with Michael. Can you tell him we''ve arrived?" Claire asked. Delilah hummed, looking up from her show, which sounded suspiciously like One Piece, though she had no idea who Nick was. Probably some poor sap that got sent to another world for one reason or another. The gods aren''t responsible for every transference, but that didn''t mean they couldn''t enjoy it.


    "I stole your ship bitch!" could be heard shouted from the monitor before Delilah switched it off. She then began typing away at her computer at speeds only the Flash could match. About 10,000 words a minute, give or take a few hundred.


    "Ah, there you are. I have you down for 12:30, that right?" she asked, never looking up from her screen.


    "That''s right," Claire responded.


    "Perfect. I''ll just let him know you''re-Sahariel! Is that you!?" Delilah yelled in shock. Her listless eyes coming alive for the first time in the conversation.


    "Hey, Delilah. How''ve you been?" Sarah asked in a forced tone. She didn''t particularly want to converse with the other girl, but she didn''t want to be rude either.


    "Me? What about you? I heard you haven''t left your room in decades," Delilah continued. Sarah gave a nervous laugh as she turned away from the blue haired woman eager for gossip.


    "Yeah, well¡­ I didn''t have much of a choice," Sarah said, giving her sister a look. Delilah seemed to catch on, as she made a face of understanding.


    "Oh, gotcha. Hard to say no to the Commander," Delilah remarked as if hse was giving sage advice.


    Before Sarah could respond, she was interrupted by Claire. "Is he ready to see us yet? It''s 12:30," she commented.


    "Um¡­" Delilah mumbled, caught off guard. "Oh, right!" she exclaimed, seeming to remember what her job is and sprung into action, typing on the computer again. A second or two ticked by until she was done.


    "It looks like he''s just finishing up a phone call, but you can head in now if you want," she said, giving them a nervous look. Sarah couldn''t blame the woman, her sister could be scary when she wanted to be. Another reason she hasn''t jumped out a window yet to pursue the life of the noble hobo.


    "Thank you, I will," Claire stated, walking past the relieved secretary. Sarah followed behind, eyes full of determination as she walked into the room that would seal her fate. She was confident she could convince him to allow her to return to a life of neetdom.


    As the two entered the room, they could hear the big guy himself talking to someone. He sounded a mixture of bored and resigned, with just a hint of frustration.


    "Yes I understand¡­ Of course, it''s simply terrible¡­ No, I don''t understand why some mortals have no faith¡­"


    When he saw them he waved them over, indicating them to sit in the chairs in front of his desk. Sarah took note of the room as she walked over.


    The floor was the same pearl white as everywhere else, polished until it nearly blinded you. Several paintings hung on the white walls, mostly of Michael with various other gods and angels. There was a small bar off to one side with various expensive liquors. Next to it was a comfortable looking chair that had dozens of different settings to it, sitting next to a fancy fireplace that had a crackling blaze in it. The fire itself wasn''t real, it was just made to mimic it.


    Micheal himself had long blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes, with a face that was just a tad bit feminine. He wore a crisp white suit with a light blue dress shirt and a dark blue tie. His desk was made of mahogany from a world with giant, fire breathing trees, which he liked to brag about for some reason, and it was covered in various nick nacks.


    "Yes, yes I know¡­ Ok, ok, look I have a meeting so I gotta¡­ Yes, I understand, talk to you soon¡­ Ok, bye," Michael said as he hung up the phone. He let out a groan before his head hit the table, releasing his pent up frustrations.


    "Helel again?" Claire asked.


    "Yes¡­ He calls me once a damn month to complain about some little girl who refuses to acknowledge him. Calls him Being X or something. Honestly, I''m starting to think he has a thing for her," Michael complained.


    With another sigh, he raised his head, giving the two of them a smile. "But that''s not important right now. I heard somebody is ready to return to work. Is that true?" he asked, looking right at Sarah.


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    "Hell no," Sarah said rudely, getting an elbow to the ribs from her sister. Michael only chuckled at the byplay, listening with amusement as Sarah complained about her "broken" ribs and Claire chastising her for her words. Truly, the bond between sisters is a beautiful thing to behold.


    All Valkyrie are sisters of a sort, though the correct term might be a Sisterhood. But these two were the genuine article.


    "Now, now, settle down you two. Sarah, why don''t you tell me why you think you aren''t ready. It has been a hundred years, if I''m not mistaken," Michael asked. The two stopped their bickering, with Sarah looking at her hands with downcast eyes.


    "Because I killed him. It was my fault he died in such a gruesome manner. If it wasn''t for me, he would have lived a full life and that world would be at peace. Instead, it''s been quarantined off and he''s probably cursing me from the afterlife," she said, tears forming once more in her eyes.


    Micheal stared at her with pity. "Even so, I think a hundred years is more than enough time to reflect on your mistakes. I heard Claire even selected several promising candidates for you to choose from."


    "You''re wrong¡­" Sarah mumbled. Michale quirked an eyebrow, "Excuse me?"


    "I said you''re wrong! They say time heals all wounds but that''s just bullshit! A hundred years isn''t nearly enough time to pay for my mistakes! It''ll never be enough¡­" Sarah mumbled, all the vigor from her outburst leaving her body.


    The other two stared in silence, trying to take in what she just said. She probably didn''t even mean to say it. "Sarah¡­" Claire murmured to herself. She really hated to see her formerly cheerful sister so despondent. What she was making her do may have been painful, but she was sure it''s what''s best in the long run.


    Michael gave the girl a hard look, before standing up, "Come with me," he said. The two looked confused for a second, before standing up and following him. They didn''t have far to go, as he merely walked over to the t.v.


    Picking up the remote, he switched the t.v on. What appeared isn''t what they expected. "His name is Ushio Tenma, one of our hero candidates. Or at least he was until his grandfather died and he became a bit of a thug. But as you can see, even through all the pain he''s feeling, he can still do the right thing."


    Claire and Sarah watched a rather tall, muscular and bald man fight a meth addict, only to find himself getting stabbed repeatedly. But it looked like he got his revenge, as he literally ripped the addict''s throat out. It was rather gruesome, but effective.


    But more importantly, they could see the little girl and her mother, completely safe from harm. He had given his life to protect a couple of strangers, a worthy end any Valkyrie would choose him for.


    "His noble sacrifice revitalized the Hero''s Seed dwelling within the depths of his soul. I would like you to be the one who helps nurture it," Michael said, not taking his eyes off the screen. Out of a sense of respect, he would watch the final moments of the brave young man.


    "There must be better candidates," Sarah tried to argue, a feeling of desperation welling up within her. Couldn''t he see that she was clearly unfit for the job of guiding another hero? Whatever nobility he gained in the end would be wasted with someone like her.


    "Not true. Due to his previous actions, Mr. Tenma here does not qualify as a True Hero Candidate. Instead, he is to be transposed into an alternate version of himself somewhere in the multiverse and given the power of The Gamer. Should his Hero''s Seed bear fruit, he may yet be chosen to become a True Hero," Michael explained, turning to face the sisters with a stern look.


    "But¡­" Sarah said, her eyes flipping between the screen and Michael. This couldn''t be happening, could it? Not only would she be forced to become a glorified gardener, she was also going to lose her physical form, forced to become a screen. She liked the way she looked!


    "I am sorry Sahariel. I know you do not feel ready for this, but I believe the two of you will be perfect for each other," he said, as a magic circle appeared beneath her, glowing a bright golden light.


    "Hang on, I do not consent to this! Do you hear me!?" Sarah shouted in vain. She tried to step away from the glyph beneath her, but much to her frustration, there was a barrier preventing her escape. She pounded on it, desperate to escape.


    "Claire, don''t do this! Please! I can''t do it! I can''t!" she shouted, tears in her eyes. But Claire could only stare at her sister with her fists clenched. This was one of the hardest things she''s ever had to do, but it needed to be done. It was the only way she would get her sister back.


    "I''m sorry Sarah. But please understand, this is for the best. You''ll see."


    "Bullshit! You just want to get rid of me, don''t you! Ashamed of your failure of a sister! I never could compare to you, could I!?" Sarah continued to scream, pounding uselessly on the barrier.


    "Sarah, please¡­" Claire begged, her own eyes growing misty.


    "No! I''ll never forgive you for this, do you hear me! Never!" Sarah yelled. Those would be the last words she would say before her form disappeared entirely. It was done. There was no going back now.


    A few tears streamed down her face as the hate filled face of her sister refused to leave her mind, her words echoing in repeat. She was brought out of her misery by a hand placed on her shoulder. She jumped slightly, turning to face the sad smile of her superior.


    "Micheal¡­"


    "I know this wasn''t easy for you, but I do believe this will be for the best. I think those two will do quite alright together. They''re more alike than you might think," he said in a comforting manner. Claire quickly wiped the tears from her eyes, not wanting to appear weak in front of the senior angel.


    "What do you mean?" she asked after removing the last of her tears. Michael removed his hand from her shoulder, pressing a few buttons on the remote control. The image changed to a younger looking Ushio, sitting in a chair next to a hospital bed.


    "Like your sister, Ushio is running away from his pain instead of facing it head on. She was right when she said time does not heal all wounds. A man who loses a leg will never again be whole. The wound may close, but that does not mean he is healed. However¡­" Michael said, hitting some more buttons. Claire watched as the scene shifted to Ushio pummeling some people in a back alley.


    "What one chooses to do with the pain is what sets one apart. He chose to numb his suffering through acts of violence. Your sister ran from the world, condemning herself to a life of solitude and misery to atone for her mistakes. They are similar in this regard, don''t you think?" he asked. Claire agreed somewhat.


    It was true they were both running away from something that they didn''t want to face, but the circumstances were completely different. Her sister felt responsible for what happened due to her selfish actions during the heroes quest. Ushio lost a loved one, true, but it wasn''t him who caused the older man to perish.


    "I can see your point, but the situations aren''t the same," she said. Michael looked amused by her answer.


    "Oh, and how are they different? Your sister blames herself for the hero''s death, and young Ushio blames himself for his grandfather''s. Both of them are trying to escape the feelings of guilt from this belief."


    "But Ushio had nothing to do with his grandfather''s death. How could he blame himself?" Claire asked, confused. Michael hummed in though, pressing a button and returning the image to the hospital room.


    "What you say is true. His grandfather died of an illness. It had nothing to do with him. However, the human heart is a fickle thing. It asserts blame where none is due, all to try and make sense of circumstances beyond their control. Seems angels are not so different. Perhaps that''s where the humans get it from. Or is it the other way around? Hm¡­"


    Claire thought it over, but it still didn''t make sense to her. There was no logic in blaming oneself for things outside of their control.


    "Wounds of the flesh may heal. There may be scars left behind, but the body is remarkably adept at mending itself. However, scars on the heart are not so easily cured. Those wounds may fester and bleed for many years, and the treatment for such a malady is not so straight forward as a bandage or some penicillin. Those injuries take a special medicine indeed," Michael said in a soft tone. He hit some more buttons on the remote, and a new image appeared.


    It was Ushio once more, standing in a bathroom, completely naked. The sight of his impressive physique and exceptional endowment brought a hint of red to Claire''s cheeks. "Oh my," Michael commented, before hitting another button and blurring certain parts of the image.


    With that distraction out of the way, the two of them watched as he discovered his new powers. It looked like he already obtained a Skill of some kind, which is what caused the Tutorial to start up.


    "Did my sister just tell him to fuck off and die?" Claire asked in disbelief. Michal gave a nervous chuckle at that, "It seems so. She was pretty mad when she left here¡­"


    "That''s no excuse! Does she think if he kicks the bucket she''ll get to return to her life as a shut-in!? I don''t think so!" Claire yelled while storming off. Michal watched in amusement as she left his office, likely to help ensure the Game ran smoothly.


    He returned to the screen, smile turning more genuine as he watched Ushio learn about his powers. They may be in for a rough start, but he believes they''ll overcome the challenges. He''d be watching with eager anticipation.


    "The best medicine for wounds of the heart, is to surround yourself with people who love you. Forgiveness is not easy to obtain, at least not from yourself, but the bonds you form with the people around you will be your guiding light. For both of you."


    *Line Break*


    Sarah opened her eyes, taking in the world around her. The first thing she noticed was just how dingy and rundown the place was. It was gross. And did she just see a rat! But that thing was huge! It was the size of a Border Collie! Just where in the hell did she end up!?


    The second thing she realized was that she no longer had a body. Or to be more precise, her body was basically a game screen. Isn''t that wonderful? And after she just had her hair done too.


    Damn her sister. Just thinking of her betrayal made her angry. But she could get her revenge later. Right now she needed to figure out where she was and how to return. He had Gamer powers didn''t he? If that''s the case, all she needed to do was get a game over.


    But thinking of that brought a pang of guilt to her chest. It wasn''t right of her to plot the man''s death just because she was having issues. But then again, didn''t he already die? So what did it matter if he died again?


    The guilt didn''t leave her chest but she would have to deal with it later. What''s a bit more regret to add to the pile? It was pretty big as it was, so she probably wouldn''t even notice if she added a bit more.


    But first she needed to figure out where she was. Or to be more specific, what world she was cast off into. She could see the lumbering form of her user slumbering away. Good, that gave her some time to get acquainted with everything.


    Several hours ticked by, and Sarah felt she was all caught up. So she was in Bleach huh? Not her favorite world in the multiverse, but it could be worse. Like Goblin Slayer. She did not want to have to deal with those rapey little freaks.


    She noticed the sun coming up through the dirt, cracked window. Guess that means it was about time for him to get up.


    ¡­Or not. The sun''s been up for 45 minutes, how the hell was he still asleep? But just as she was contemplating ramming into his bald head to wake him up, he stirred on his own. It was about damn time!


    What she wasn''t expecting was the face full of meat she got. What the hell was that thing!? Were they supposed to get that big? How did human girls deal with something like that!?


    Freaking out, she ignored him going to the bathroom in favor or checking over his Stats and stuff. When she reached the Perk page, she discovered exactly why he was packing so much heat.


    Well Equipped. That was the Perk, and talk about being an understatement. While everybody else was carrying around a pistol, he was rocking a freaking cannon!


    But there were more important things to do, such as explaining the world and the Game to him, because it looked like he just discovered Meditation. Unfortunately, his Intelligence wasn''t the highest, so it might take a while.


    Did she have to be so condescending about it? No, but in her defense, she didn''t want to be here. Besides, the looks he gave as she said the description of the Stats was priceless.


    She watched as he used the Item Upgrade Token on his bed. Not that she blamed him, his old one was a health violation of some kind. He also Scanned everything in his apartment, realizing what a dump he lived in. But he did find the cupboard of infinite ramen, so good for him.


    Now if only he could put some pants on.


    *Line Break*


    Sarah snickered as she watched him run around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to figure out what world he ended up in. If nothing else it would be good for his Stamina and Agility.


    But when he stopped in the shopping district, a new Quest popped up. Looks like someone was in trouble. How would he handle this? The last time he helped someone, he died, so maybe he''ll just run away and Michael will realize he isn''t worth the trouble and she can go home and wallow in comfort.


    But no. Turns out he wasn''t a heartless bastard. But she did notice his hand shaking as he ran off to save her. Guess he was pushing through the fear. Maybe there was more hero in him than she thought. Just because he didn''t look like a typical hero didn''t mean his spirit was any less heroic.


    She watched as he beat up the first two assholes with the greatest of ease. But that''s when things took a turn for the worst. She felt herself gasping in concern as he was stabbed, but immediately chastised herself for it.


    Who cares if he gets stabbed and bleeds out again? That would just mean she gets to go home early. And yet, she couldn''t help but root for him. Maybe it was just because he was protecting Karin, who was completely innocent in all this.


    Yeah, that has to be it.


    And of course she was extremely sarcastic about the whole thing. No need for him to think she cares. Because she doesn''t. Not one little bit.


    And then the big guy appeared. Toma.


    Ok, maybe she cared a little, but that''s it! She watched as the two exchanged banter before starting to fight. Ushio was doing pretty well, but his Stamina was at an all time low. All that running around he did dropped it next to nothing.


    Maybe there was something she could do. Just this once, you know, for Karin. Not him. Quickly going through the System, she found something that could prove useful. Second Wind, an Ability that would restore his Stamina. It came with a price, but it was the best she could do.


    Sending off the request, she got a confirmation, and Ushio now had a brand new Ability. Sarah gave a sigh of relief, watching as Ushio got back in the fight, and eventually won. And no matter what you say, she did not cheer for him.


    After that, he met up with Ichigo, who beat the hell out of every other thug in the vicinity and helped Ushio to their clinic. And look at that, he finally figured out where he was. Good for him.


    *Line Break*


    Sarah chastised herself as she explained some of the Games mechanics to him, namely the reason for the Quest updating itself and a few other things. She didn''t need to be such a bitch about it, but she was.


    Maybe it was for the best. Considering what happened during her last quest, perhaps making things more difficult than they needed to be was the answer. Heroes needed adversity to grow after all, something she didn''t provide last time, so she would make sure his life was a living hell. That way, he''d be the strongest, and therefore, would not be tortured to death.


    She may have changed her mind a bit about him dying early. After seeing him go so far to save Karin, pushing past his fears even after he''d been stabbed again, made her want to keep him alive.


    It also made the guilty feeling in her chest go away.


    She also pretended to be some sort of Ai. It helped keep the distance between the two if he never realized she was a person. Or at least, not a machine.


    She then watched as Karin entered and invited him to dinner. And wasn''t that just the cutest thing? She had a bit of a crush on him. Guess he was her hero, after all. Didn''t help when he called her a beautiful princess either.


    Dinner was going off without a hitch, besides Ichigo being a boy that is. Sarah couldn''t help but snicker at seeing the new Quest come in. Looks like he was in for a rough time. Poor guy.


    She also started laughing hysterically when Isshin accused him of trying to steal his daughters away. Besides that, dinner was rather uneventful. Ushio might have made an enemy, but it was worth it.


    *Line Break*


    Sarah snickered as Ushio stared at Tatsuki like a slack jawed idiot. Looks like the big guy has a crush. Isn''t that cute.


    She watched as he followed her inside, staring at her ass the whole way. Honestly, boys¡­ Not that she had much room to talk, considering what she stared at every time he took his clothes off, but she did in secret!


    That makes it better, right?


    She watched as he flirted with her, giggling at how red she was getting from it. Guess that''s his type then, huh? He would probably love her sister.


    Thinking of her brought her mood down considerably. She still hasn''t forgiven her for forcing her to do this, even if she was enjoying it a little. She would find some way to get revenge.


    Her thoughts were interrupted by a ping. Looks like he gained a bit of Wisdom and Intelligence. Good, cause he needs it. But thinking about her sister put her in a bad mood, and she took it out on him, claiming he was her ticket to a promotion.


    Honestly she just wanted to go home and flop down on her bed. He also wasn''t that bad to put up with. A bit conceited, but considering his muscles and the bat he keeps between his legs, he had a reason to be at least. He wasn''t overly arrogant about it anyway.


    She then watched as he accepted a sparring match with Tatsuki. Not the smartest thing to do, but hey, to each their own right?


    But to her immense surprise, he actually won. Sort of. He used a move not legal in a regular Karate match so it was technically a draw. But at the same time, they never said it was a Karate spar, so¡­ yay for him?


    He also scored some more brownie points with the tomboy. At this rate, they''d be fucking long before canon started, and she wasn''t sure there was a rubber invented that would fit him.


    Then Karin appeared and invited him for dinner. The look of horror on his face was pure perfection. He knew he was about to spend the night sitting on the toilet, but he just couldn''t say no to her face. Big softy¡­


    When he got home, he started thinking about the him from this world, but I assured him as kindly as possible that he was completely alone and that nobody loved him. His only purpose was to serve as entertainment for a higher power.


    Not completely wrong, as gods loved to watch the lives of mortals, but his true purpose was to grow the Hero''s Seed inside him to awaken as a True Hero. But she didn''t tell him that.


    She wasn''t being a total bitch this time. Telling him that could affect the Seed. Doing heroic deeds simply for the sake of Awakening would have the opposite effect. Best to just let him plot the downfall of heaven.


    Actually, that wasn''t very heroic either, was it? And it was kind of her fault too¡­


    *Line Break*


    Sarah watched with horror the thing Karin was supposedly cooking. If that was food, then she was an imp. What the hell was this, some kind of gag manga? She could hear it moaning for goodness sake!


    She wished him the best, but it looked like she was going home early after all. And she didn''t even do anything this time! She didn''t alter anything at all about Karin''s cooking. That was all natural, and that scared her more than anything.


    She watched as he made small talk with Yuzu and Tatsuki, but it was clear their mind was only on the so-called curry fermenting in the kitchen. Before long, Karin informed them that it was done.


    She then went to find her brother which gave Ushio ample time to flirt with Tatsuki some more. But a tomboy is a dangerous creature, and Ushio took an embarrassed Critical hit to the gut.


    Did she laugh? Yes, but it was funny. It''s his own fault for being attracted to the violent ones.


    She also giggled at watching a jealous Karin interrupt a moment between the two. It was just so darn cute. But all good things must come to an end. He eventually took a bite of the stuff, and red alarms started going off. Even the Program didn''t know what he just ate.


    And oh great, he''s hallucinating now. Isn''t that just perfect. It shouldn''t surprise her that he saw Tatsuki''s clothes melting off. But what did surprise her was him finishing the whole bowl Karin provided.


    He was very much Poisoned now, and there wasn''t a snowball''s chance in hell he survived. Crap, crap, crap, wasn''t there anything she could do? She wasn''t ready to lose another one.


    You see, this is exactly why she didn''t want to do this! Now she has to watch him die and just prove to everyone what a failure she is! She was just starting to like him too, and was even looking forward to seeing how things developed with Tatsuki. But it looks like that wouldn''t be happening!


    But then he brought up something interesting. This was the world of Bleach after all, and the afterlife was a big part of that. So did that mean he would just show up in the Rukongai if he died?


    So of course, she told him to die so they could find out. Why would she do that! No, he has to live, damn it! No matter how upset she was at her sister and Michael, she didn''t feel like taking it out on him anymore. Her bitchiness at this point was mostly reflex, her way of preventing him from getting too close and herself too attached.


    Sarah watched as he joked about his impending death, trying not to let the others know what was about to happen. But she knew he was scared, even if he was hiding it well. He was actually terrified to die again, just like she was terrified to get close to someone again.


    They were just two peas in a pod, weren''t they?


    He then ensured that Karin was unlikely to cook again in the near future, saving humanity in the process. Something like that is fertilizer for the Hero''s Seed. He also gained the Poison Resistance Skill, but it wouldn''t save him.


    But then he decided to get his stomach pumped. If she could have, she would have jumped for joy. That just might be enough to do it. Now if he could just make it to the hospital without collapsing¡­


    He was making good progress too, and for a moment, Sarah thought everything would be ok. But then he saw a body lying on the ground, and the big dicked idiot couldn''t stop himself from checking it out.


    And of course, he fell flat on his face. Sarah was practically screaming in frustration at this point. This is the problem with heroes, even the bad boy ones, they want to help everybody!


    Normally such behavior would be praised, but not when he was dying from food poisoning! Didn''t he know you had to take care of your own house before taking care of others?


    That''s when his spirit left his body and Sarah felt herself have a heart attack, even if she didn''t have a physical heart. She sighed in relief when she realized he wasn''t really dead, just very near it. So there was still a chance.


    He then started goofing around. Who does that!? Even if he was doing it to mask the dread he felt, it was still too much. Think about other people''s feelings!


    Oh right, he thought she hated him, didn''t he¡­ That''s depressing, even if it was her own fault. But she couldn''t stop. She was too scared to. If she made things too easy for him, if he didn''t grow as a hero, he would die, just like him.


    No, it was best to maintain distance, for both their sakes. That way, neither of them would get hurt. But if that was truly the case, why did her chest hurt so much when she thought about him dying?


    Must be the effect of Big Dick Energy luring her in and trying to seduce her.


    When he started to freak out a bit, she let him know that he was technically still alive, albeit barely, and that he should check up on the body. The faster he does that, the faster he could get some help.


    Maybe that weirdo Kisuke could do something? He was pretty smart.


    So caught up in her own thoughts, she almost missed him getting stuck in the body on the ground. That''s not something you see everyday. It actually brought a smile to Sarah''s face. Or it would have if she had one.


    He then cursed out Being X, better known as Helel, for him turning into a little blonde girl. Guess that means he''s from a world where that''s a manga, huh? Bet that arrogant ass hates that.


    Ushio then started to grope his new found female features. Because of course he did. And just as he was giving himself one hell of a boob massage, the owner of the body showed up. It was none other than Hiyori, another violent tomboy, who Ushio started to flirt with.


    Sarah was starting to see a pattern.


    She wasn''t happy about the way Ushio was fondling her, and to take revenge, she jumped into his body. Ushio tried to stop her, but she didn''t listen, paying the price for it by vomiting all over the ground.


    Poor girl, it was not her night.


    However, Hiyori jumping into his body did have the benefit of saving his life. The enormous amount of excess Reiryoku purged the poison from his body. Sarah felt her nonexistent body sag in relief.


    Thinking about it, stealing Hiyori''s gigai technically saved him as well, didn''t it? Well, she preferred his original body better, along with everything it contained, so she was glad it ended up this way.


    After flirting with her some more, they made their way to the Visoreds, which made Sarah nervous again. There was no telling how they would react. Also the Quest he received was mildly concerning. Just what was Aizen scheming? But it did explain why Hiyori wasn''t in her body.


    Things were going fairly well, with Ushio getting some more Affection points with blonde haired menace, but it didn''t last long. He just couldn''t prevent his foot from entering his mouth. Or is it her mouth, technically?


    Hiyori was about to knock him out, her face full of rage, but she hesitated for a split second, flinching back. Sarah wondered what that was about but didn''t have much time to process anything as the cat and mouse game ensued.


    He managed to hide, but was quickly found by a talking cat. At least this one didn''t want to eat him. After he insulted the great Ewan McGregor with his Obi-Wan impression, he was off running again, Hiyori hot on his heels. If his life wasn''t in imminent danger, it might have been funny.


    There was something strange going on, but Sarah couldn''t put her finger on it. She knew Hiyori was a bit violent, probably why Ushio had a thing for her, but this was a little extreme.


    Little did she know it was only the beginning.


    After managing to hide himself inside a warehouse, Ushio was quickly found. Mostly because he''s as clumsy as he looks. He was trapped, with Hiyori stalking ever closer, when he did something that no one saw coming.


    He chucked a rock into her balls. Yup, that''s a thing that happened. This was a weird universe.


    But this only ended up making her angrier, which was understandable. Ushio ran away while she was screaming in a combination of pain and rage, hiding amongst the shadows.


    That''s when the sound of the chainsaw started. Sarah had watched a few scary stories in her time, but they had nothing on this. All she could do was watch with bated breath, chewing on nonexistent nails as Ushio was stalked through the gloom of the warehouse.


    She felt relief when he seemingly found a way out, but of course, that''s when Hiyori came bursting through a bunch of boxes, chainsaw in hand. Ushio tried using his Silver Tongue Title to talk her down, and it looked like it was working, when her whole being erupted in rage.


    Ushio asked her what was going on, and she may have sprouted a bit of nonsense about some Big Dick Gods. Sure there were some who were well endowed, but as far as she knew there weren''t any with that particular domain. Fertility, maybe, but not actual dick sizes.


    It was probably just her Hollow going out of control or something. She could have just said that, it was the perfect chance to start taking their relationship in a less toxic direction. But instead, she decided to pour some radioactive waste all over it.


    She may have also fibbed about his Skill acquisition. She claimed it was because of the interference of the Big Dick Gods, but really, she just messed up. When she saw the Skill pop up, she intended to simply not allow it to ping, so he wouldn''t get distracted, but she accidentally rejected the Skill itself.


    Whoops¡­


    Not that she would admit her mistake.


    But then Yoruichi appeared again, and Ushio managed to make it to the second floor, with Hiyori the Hulk after him. He dove out of the window to freedom.


    And ran right into Lisa''s boobs. They sure were springy¡­


    He was quickly surrounded by the rest of the Visoreds. Or at least, most of them. Which of course, started an argument. Then he accused Sarah of interfering with their ability to sense Hiyori, which was just rude.


    It wasn''t her, but that didn''t mean someone else wasn''t meddling. But that was a problem for later, first she needed to address the accusations against her. By giggling. That should clear things up. Just an innocent little laugh to show her innocence.


    But apparently, her totally adorable giggling was considered creepy. Then the chick with the springy boobs let the cat out of the bag about Hiyori being possessed by her Hollow and not any Big Dick God.


    So she gave another giggle, though this one was a bit more nervous. But that just made him mad, and he then accused her of preventing him from getting Skills. And while technically true, it was an accident! But her pride wouldn''t allow her to admit that, so she just quickly sent in a request to restore the Skill, and that there was some kind of mistake.


    The email she got back, sent by her sister of all people, chastised her and told her to be more careful. Not like she wanted to be here in the first place! Maybe they should have sent someone who was prepared for this!


    Either way, Ushio then called her an asshole. She couldn''t lie, that one hurt a bit. He just didn''t understand, she couldn''t let him rely on her. If he did, then¡­


    No, it was better if he hated her. It was for the best.


    But then that bald asshole went and made himself bait. His tendency towards suicide was more than a bit worrying, and this definitely counted! He just had to put up a brave front for the world, didn''t he? Couldn''t let them know how scared he was.


    And yes, she chose to ignore the hypocrisy of her statement.


    Much to her anger, the Visoreds agreed, and Ushio got another Quest, this time to save Hiyori. She knew he wouldn''t turn it down, he wouldn''t leave her to a fate he blamed himself for getting her into.


    She told him she got in trouble for withholding his Skill, but really she was just chastised by her sister. Still, he didn''t need to know that, so she just took the blame anyway, making up some excuses along the way. But when she said she was allowed to lie, that was the truth, or else things would be very different between the two.


    Imagine that, being honest about her fears, her doubts, her insecurities¡­ Him wrapping her up in those big, strong arms of his to comfort her. Then they would kiss and he would push her down and claim her body for his own¡­


    What was going on again?


    Sarah snapped out of her X-rated fantasy just in time to see Ushio begin shit talking the angry Hollowfied girl in a boy''s body. Predictably, she burst out of the warehouse, charging right for him. Sarah held her breath as she watched the monster get closer and closer.


    Luckily, the Visoreds came through and didn''t let him get squished. Hiyori was restrained, and all was well in the world. That is, until Kisuke showed up.


    And basically said Ushio needed to enter her head and save her ass. He shouldn''t be able to enter a Dungeon yet, but it seems things have changed. Something was wrong with the Game. It felt like someone was interfering. She even tried to send a message to her sister but it was blocked.


    Something was very wrong, but she had little in the way of options. She would simply have to observe and investigate what she could.


    They then entered the Dungeon, which was apparently ogre themed. Makes sense if you think about Hiyori''s Hollow mask. And he apparently needed to get two orbs. Shouldn''t be too hard. Especially without a timer. That was something she was able to do, albeit barely. She didn''t know what the Program was thinking when it gave him a 30 minute time limit to complete the Dungeon, but that was clearly unbalanced, so she was able to use her executive powers to change it.


    She did hesitate in doing so. After all, didn''t she want to make this Game as difficult as possible so he could grow strong enough no one would ever be able to hurt him? But at the same time, difficult didn''t mean impossible, and with someone meddling in things, it would probably be more than difficult enough.


    So in the end, she removed the countdown.


    Ushio was also thrilled to have his own body back. So was she. Her eye candy has returned. Almost made being forced into this situation worth it.


    After checking his Menus, and purchasing a new Ability with his Perk Point, he made his way into the Red Ogre''s district.


    And hid inside a barrel. Sarah shook her head with a snort but watched as he managed to sneak up on the first ogre, thinking about Soifon, another violent tomboy, the whole time, and managed to beat it. She cheered as he did so.


    He then proceeded to kill several more before stumbling onto a new enemy, the Shadow Ogre. Who was inside of a closet of all things. Sarah grew a bit concerned at the brutal way in which he killed it. Actually, there were a few murders he committed that she was worried about, but passed it off as blowing off some steam.


    She started running a diagnostic on the whole Dungeon and discovered something that didn''t belong. An Area of Effect produced by the Red Ogre that caused those under its effect to become increasingly violent and bloodthirsty.


    There was also one connected to the Blue Ogre that did something similar. But instead of violence, it was cold detachment mixed with bloodlust. Neither one was a particularly pleasant effect.


    Sarah was confused, as those weren''t in the current Game, but made sure to double check, ignoring the way Ushio killed the horny ogre tied to a bed. That was just plain weird.


    Turns out, she was right, they weren''t in the Game. That means someone else added them in, after she approved of the Quest. That shouldn''t have been possible. Not only that, but she couldn''t remove the thing either, her executive power was being blocked as well.


    Shit, that means someone high up was interfering. Not good. At this rate, she wouldn''t be able to do much at all.


    She turned her attention back to Ushio, who just kicked a spiked wall trap for some reason. The face he made had her bursting into laughter. It wasn''t his pain she found amusing, it was his stupid face.


    It was almost identical to the one Eneru made in One Piece when he realized he couldn''t hurt Luffy.


    She then noticed a Shadow Ogre sneaking up on him and gave him a warning. She watched them struggle a bit before Ushio impaled him on his own trap. She gave an excited "whoop" sound at that, not that he could hear it.


    Then he decided to Meditate in a barrel he named Samantha, before falling asleep. Then a couple of Shadow Ogres showed up and started to cart him off. She couldn''t help but sigh at this. He really needed to bump up his Intelligence and Wisdom.


    Eventually, he was taken to the boss, who was having a party. Sarah became nervous again at seeing how many there were. But it turned out Ushio was more conniving than she thought, using Hiyori''s curry to poison the leader and pit them against each other.


    After a fairly one sided fight, Ushio finished off the surviving Shadow Ogre Boss. Sarah was genuinely impressed by his ingenuity, and told him as such. But he thought she was being sarcastic!


    Ok, so she may have called him stupid again, but it was just a reflex at this point. A reflex! She didn''t mean it! No matter how low his Intelligence Stat was. And she especially didn''t mean it when she told him to game over. Not at all! So why did she say that!?


    He then proceeded to loot the corpses of his fallen enemies, or as he took to calling it, recycling. He even asked about a Unique piece of armor he got and she replied with barely any sarcasm at all.


    Afterward he ate their food and went to rob them of their remaining treasure, cutting one poor ogre in half. Looks like he was getting stronger. Maybe her plan of being a bitch was actually working?


    Too bad she hated the way it made her feel, but as long as he came out of it alright, it would be worth it.


    Once he was done in the Shadow Ogre''s Lair, he proceeded to hunt down and kill every remaining ogre in this part of the Dungeon. He was pretty clever about some of the ways he did it as well.


    But then there was only one. The Red Ogre himself. Sarah could freely admit she was nervous. Or perhaps scared would be a more appropriate term. The Red Ogre had way higher Stats than he did. It almost wasn''t fair.


    But as she listened to him come up with a plan, some of her nerves abated. Now as long as he could pull it off, everything would turn out alright.


    It started off pretty well, with his Shadow Duplicate severing the tubes to the flamethrower. That was good. But the Red Ogre was far from defenseless. But Ushio was clever, and seemed to always be one step ahead.


    That is, until he got punched in the face. Sarah felt her heart stop as the Stunned Status settled in. "Come on, come on, come on," she uttered to herself as the Ogre grew closer with every step it took.


    When it swung its massive club down, she thought for sure that was it. Game Over. But it turned out the Stun dispelled just in the nick of time. Her joy was short lived as he was almost immediately backhanded by the massive brute.


    Luckily he wasn''t Stunned this time, but his bell was well and truly rung. Thankfully he had some Health Potions, which brought him back nearly to full, making Sarah sigh in relief as he leapt back into the fight.


    From there it didn''t take much longer for him to defeat the Red Ogre. He used his Kusarigama to rip his sword out of his jaw, and then his Duplicate tripped the massive ogre with its own Kusrigama, allowing Ushio to launch a Shadow Strike right at his neck.


    "Woo! Hell yeah! That''s what I''m talking about!" Sarah cheered. Ushio was covered in blood as it sprayed from the neck of the decapitated ogre. It was pretty gross, but also kind of hot.


    He roared to the heavens, but his joy was cut short. Sarah had just started to congratulate him, completely forgetting to use her bitchy personality. But as she stared at him she noticed something was wrong.


    He was staring at his bloody hands and shaking. She tried to ask what was wrong, but she should have expected how that would go. Poorly. She watched as he continued to spiral, trapped with the memory of his death. If she had a lower lip right now, she would be biting it.


    Should she do something? He would probably just snap out of it himself, right? But the more she stared at him, watching him claw at his beautiful bald head until blood poured out, the more she realized something.


    He needed her. Like it or not, she was the Administrator of his Game, and it was her job to ensure he could play it properly. Just because she was mad at her sister and terrified beyond belief of screwing up again, didn''t mean she could sit back and do nothing.


    So she did her best to help him, reminding him of the little girl he died for, how her life was saved due to his actions. It took a while, but he was able to calm down. Once that happened, it was time for a talk, even if she didn''t really want to have one.


    After their heart to heart, she guided Ushio to a house where he could rest. Her mind went back to their conversation, feeling lighter than she has in a long time, even if she did accidentally reveal her status as a neet.


    She was glad they could clear the air a bit, even if they had a ways to go. She''d have to make sure she didn''t instinctively insult him. She didn''t want to go back to the way they were. She was given a second chance and she didn''t intend to blow it.


    She didn''t tell him everything, she wasn''t ready to, but she got the impression he had an idea of what was at the core of all her actions. Because he himself wasn''t so different. Perhaps someday she''ll tell him about it, the mistake she made and what they cost, but for now, she was content to simply see where things led.


    Sure she was a bit terrified of getting close to him and losing him like she did her previous hero, but that was something she would just have to overcome. Ushio deserved better than a scared little girl constantly putting him down to mask her fear. It was time to move forward.


    But what was most surprising was his name for her. Sarah, the same nickname her sister gave her. She pretended to be annoyed, but really, it made her heartbeat quicken. Even though she didn''t have a heart.


    But she was serious about the harem thing. She needed all the help she could get in keeping him grounded and alive. She had a few candidates so far, including Tatsuki and Hiyori, and considering the way he was thinking about Soifon she also made the list.


    She may also want to see just what kind of damage he could do with that thing between his legs. For research purposes of course. Purely scientific in nature.


    Once they got to the safehouse, he almost immediately stripped naked. Not that she particularly minded that fact, but it was very distracting. Especially when he hopped into the shower and got all wet and soapy.


    Good thing she didn''t have a mouth, or she''d be drooling right about now. If she wasn''t still mad at her sister, she''d be thinking of sending her a fruit basket as thanks for introducing them.


    Hmm, maybe she should add her sister to the list. She was a violent tomboy as well after all.


    Also, the face he made when he thought he was touching her naughty bits was pure gold. Maybe if he played his cards right he''d get to twiddle her teacups, but for now, he''d have to settle for a screen.


    After his shower, in which he caught her staring, he made dinner, which made her cringe. That was not what she would call a quality meal. But then again, she''s been locked in her room for a hundred years, so what did she know?


    They talked a bit more and she explained a few more things, and she managed to hopefully bring him out of his funk. He really didn''t think he deserved to be here. Well, he wasn''t the only one.


    Maybe this is why Michael chose him for her. Because they were alike in their self deprecation. She hated to admit it, but maybe this is exactly what she needed. Not that she''d tell them that. They completely ignored her autonomy as a sentient being. That demanded satisfaction.


    But she could contemplate her revenge later. She watched as the naked form of Ushio tucked himself into bed. She was a bit disappointed that everything was hidden away, but she was looking forward to the next day.


    But her thoughts drifted off to who it was that could be interfering. Come to think of it, who was the one who selected Ushio in the first place? And how did they get away doing so without his consent?


    Back in the Heavenly Realm


    A lone figure sat in front of a computer, glaring at the screen. She bit her nails in frustration and anger. "You bitch! It should have been me! I was the one who chose him so why? Why do you get to be with him!? It should be me! It should be me! IT SHOULD BE ME!"


    Her breathing was ragged as she stewed in anger. "It''s just like last time! If they had sent me with dear, sweet Arthur, he would have easily saved the world. Instead, he was saddled with this bitch! And now she''s going to do the same thing with him!"


    Her eyes stared at the screen unblinking, watching as Ushio fell asleep. She rubbed the screen with an obsessive affection. "Don''t worry. I''ll save you from that whore. I just need a little more time. Then, we can be together. Hehehehe. Soon, very soon. I just need to show the rest of them how worthless she is. But first¡­"


    She pressed a few buttons on her computer, making the screen shift to Ushio in the shower. She gave a creepy, insane grin as she spread her legs and began to pleasure herself. "Yes, that''s it! You know I''m watching you, don''t you!? Ahh! That''s why you''re putting on such a show! Mmm! You know I love you! I''m the only one who can satisfy that big fucking dick of yours! Oh, fuck I''m so close! Ushio! Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me; yeees!"


    The woman sat there, basking in the afterglow of her release, giving a psychotic giggle. She gave the screen one last, longing look before deciding she too would go to bed. Getting up from her chair, she made her way to her bed, passing by poster after poster of previous heroes, each of them with red X''s over their eyes. Only one didn''t have that mark¡­


    And it was Ushio''s

 Chapter 21

    You might not know this, but mornings aren''t my thing. Especially since I got my new bed. I just didn''t want to leave. Not to mention I didn''t have a coffee maker in my crappy, rundown apartment, so there was really no incentive to get my ass up in the morning.


    And that hasn''t changed just because I''m stuck in a loli''s head. My internal alarm clock was buzzing like crazy though, demanding I get up and greet the day.


    Also pee. Ok, so there was one incentive to getting up, not pissing myself. But still, I''m sure I can hold it for another¡­ twenty minutes at least. And considering just how warm and comfy I am, that''s a risk I''m willing to take.


    Besides, that''s a gamble I haven''t lost in months, so the odds were in my favor.


    Having decided on a plan, I rolled over to get comfortable, but apparently, someone else had other plans.


    Rise and shine sleepy head, only half the town is dead!


    "Ugh, your way to damn chipper this early," I mumbled, not moving to get up.


    Early? But it''s almost noon¡­


    "That''s early somewhere, right?" I mumbled, already feeling my tired eyes easing into the realm of Morpheus.


    Listen, as a former hikineet, I must protest this bout of laziness.


    "And I''m proud of you for that. Now shush, sleepy time," I mumbled.


    ¡­Alright, if that''s the way you want to play it, fine. But don''t say I didn''t warn you.


    Just as I was about to fall asleep once more, a blaring alarm started ringing. "Wah!" I screamed, jumping about a foot in the air. I found myself trapped in my blanket, unable to see where I was going. So it should come as no surprise when I stepped right off the bed, falling face first onto the ground, my bare ass exposed to the air.


    "Uh, not cool Sarah. Not cool," I mumbled, as I sat up, untangling myself from the covers. Once I did, I looked around the room with bleary eyes, releasing a massive yawn as I did so.


    I stood up and stretched before tossing the covers back onto the bed. Looking down, I noticed my foot was nice and healed up. The gaping hole that was there previously was all but gone, with just a small pink bit of skin as proof it was ever there in the first place.


    "Damn, having Gamer powers is awesome. Hey, if I lose and arm, will-"


    No.


    I pouted slightly at her quick response. "Are you sure? Like, 100% sure?"


    Yes. If you lose an arm, it will not be growing back.


    "Well, darn. Guess I''m not turning into wolverine anytime soon," I said, making my way to the bathroom to relieve myself and shower. Once that was done, it was time for some breakfast.


    Are you ever going to put on pants?


    "Like you don''t love it," I mumbled, opening the fridge and finding a carton of eggs. Omelets it is. I removed the eggs from the fridge, found a bowl, cracked a few eggs, put them in the bowl, whisked them with a fork, found a frying pan, put the eggs in the frying pan, put the frying pan on the stove, and turned the stove on.


    "So, any idea what the next part of the dungeon is going to be like?" I asked while waiting for the eggs to cook.


    Not really. But you were probably right when you said it would be ice themed. I do know what the Area of Effect will be though.


    "Oh?" I asked, suddenly curious. Once the omelet was cooked enough to be somewhat solid, I added some shredded cheese and bologna for that extra protein. Gotta make them gains.


    Ugh, that is disgusting. Anyway, it has the same effect of making you more bloodthirsty, but this time, your emotions will become muted rather than heightened.


    "Hm, I see," I muttered, flipping the omelet over to cover the extra ingredients, making sure they heat up properly and the cheese melts.


    "If it is going to be ice themed, maybe I should try and find a coat," I thought out loud. It made perfect sense to me, and even if we were wrong, I could just take it off. No biggie.


    A coat¡­ In the heat district¡­ Good luck with that.


    "Your sarcasm is noted," I said, taking my omelet off of the frying pan and putting it on a plate. You know, this apartment isn''t half bad. It has just about everything a guy could ask for and its appliances work.


    I took my plate of food and went back to the couch. Placing it on the table, I realized I needed something to drink, which gave me an idea. There was something in my Inventory I was actually curious about trying.


    Opening it up, I pulled out a barrel of Ayakashi Spring Sake.


    Really? You just got up and you''re already hitting the sauce?


    "Hey, it''s five o''clock somewhere, right?" I joked, grabbing a cup from the kitchen. I then went back to the couch and removed the lid from the barrel, getting immediately pelted by the rich aroma of the booze.


    "Oh man, that smells good. No wonder these ogres like it so much," I said with a grin, placing my cup inside and filling it to the brim. Once done, I took a sip, enjoying the way it burned as it slid down my throat.


    "Ah, not bad, not bad. Has a pretty good kick to it," I said, placing the cup down on the table before digging into my breakfast. After about ten minutes of enjoying that, and downing the rest of my cup, I stood up, finally ready to take on the day.


    Placing the barrel of sake back in my Inventory, I then pulled out my ninja pants and Shadow Ogre underwear. Unfortunately for me, the pants were still dripping blood.


    "What the¡­ I thought they''d at least be dry. Guess time is stopped in the Inventory. Good to know. Is that why the curry is still hot?"


    Yes and no. That stuff doesn''t exactly follow the rules. But even so, the Inventory is meant to keep perishable items fresh, just as you placed them inside. But that includes everything else as well, hence the wet pants.


    "Would have been nice to know. I could have washed these things in the shower last night and left them out to dry. Oh well¡­"


    I wasn''t sure I wanted to put them back on, especially if we''re going to an ice themed area next. Maybe I''ll just have a look around and see what I could find.


    *Several Minutes Later*


    Nothing. Not a goddamn thing. That''s what I found. Looks like I''ll just have to wear the white kimono thing. At least it wasn''t all bloody. Taking it out of my Inventory, I equipped it, along with my loincloth.


    The first part of the Dungeon wasn''t that big of a pain, so even if my Equipment isn''t as good, I should be fine. It is a bit irritating that the things I farmed from this side can''t be used, but whatever. At least I still have my weapons.


    "Good enough. Let''s go," I said with a bit of excitement. Time to see what the other side has to offer.


    Leaving the Red Ogre''s District, I once more found myself on that singular and long road that led to the tower in the center of the Dungeon. But that wouldn''t last for long as I made my way towards the big blue gate that signified part two of my journey through the mind of Hiyori.


    Walking up to the gate, I decided to check and see if anything had changed.


    Blue Ogre''s Lair


    The district controlled by the vicious Blue Ogre.


    Enemies: ???


    "Um, Sarah?"


    It wasn''t me, I swear!


    Looking at the enemy count, which was now a mystery, did not fill me with the greatest of confidence. It was nice knowing how many people I had to kill in a given section, even if there did turn out to be a secret dungeon with a dozen or so extra enemies.


    "I take it this is the work of our not-so-friendly interloper?" I asked.


    Most likely. So be careful.


    "Roger that."


    I pressed my hand against the gate, clicking yes when it asked me if I wanted to enter. The gates slowly ground open, and I got my first look at the new area. I can now confirm, with 100% certainty, that this is a snow and ice themed section.


    The buildings were mostly the same as the last area, looking like they came out of the feudal era. But unlike the previous section, these ones were covered in a light coating of snow.


    In fact, everything was. The trees, the ground, the walls; everything. It looked like I was stepping into a winter wonderland. Felt like it too. I wrapped my arms around my torso, shivering slightly as the gate closed behind me.


    "So, this is the Blue Ogre''s District huh? Not as bad as I imagined," I muttered, taking a few more steps inside. Unlike the last time, it didn''t seem like anybody was rushing to greet me. Using my Area Scan, I tried to find any enemies that might be in the area.


    And came up empty. So either they were hiding, or there was some sort of gimmick to this section that I wasn''t aware of. And neither was Sarah. So with little in the way of options, I started my trek through the snow covered city, leaving large footprints behind me.


    I kept Scanning every time I was far enough away from the previous reveal. Looking at the Minimap, I still couldn''t find a single enemy, and so far, none have attacked me. In that case, there must be some kind of triggering event I''m not privy to.


    But the last Scan did reveal something to me. Some kind of massive object that didn''t look like it belonged to any structure. Finding this odd, I made my way towards it. But what I found wasn''t what I was expecting at all.


    "Is that¡­ a heater?" I asked with disbelief. It looked just like a space heater, only 100 times bigger. Like everything else, it too was covered with snow. Kind of ironic, if you think about it.


    I walked up to the massive thing, reaching out to flip the switch to on, but nothing seemed to happen. "Is it broken?" I wondered. I walked behind the thing but didn''t see a chord I could plug in, so power wasn''t the issue. Or maybe it was, I don''t know. But after fiddling with the thing for a few more minutes, like any good gamer would, I gave up. It must be used for something; I just don''t know what yet.


    "Well, that was a bust¡­" I muttered, Scanning the area once more. Even if I wasn''t finding any enemies, at least I was mapping the place out, so silver lining and all that. But once this Scan completed, it revealed something else.


    A big, red dot, right in the middle of a circular looking arena. It looked exactly like the one from the previous section, with the Red Ogre. But seeing as he was the only enemy I found so far, this whole thing just screamed, "It''s a trap!"


    But like all games, just because the player knew it was a trap, didn''t mean they could just walk away. In order to progress, sometimes you have to do something on the wrong side of stupid.


    Part of me wanted to make a Shadow Duplicate and send his ass in there but thought it might be better to keep him in reserve, just in case. Summoning him took a lot of resources, and I couldn''t be careless with them.


    I just want to say, for the record, I don''t like this.


    "Your opinion has been entered into the records. But I don''t see any other option than to spring the trap, do you?"


    No¡­ But! Ugh, never mind. Just try and be careful.


    "Love you too," I said, and I swear the temperature increased a few degrees.


    I approached the clearing, the sound of crunching snow followed my every step. I hid behind a building once I caught a glimpse of the Boss. But what I saw shocked me to my core.


    This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.


    "Is that a Minigun?" I asked in disbelief. The Blue Ogre was very similar to his brother. He was blue, as you might expect, and like all ogres wore a loincloth, though this one appeared to be a bit thicker than the rest. But he was also wearing a fur vest, which confused me, as it didn''t look like it would help against the cold in any way.


    Until I remembered the effect of the loincloth. It gave a minor resistance to cold and heat, so it''s safe to assume the vest did something similar.


    But the most noticeable thing about the hulking monstrosity was the oversized, multi barreled, gatling gun he was carrying around with him. That thing looked like it could turn a tank into Swiss cheese. How was that in any way balanced?


    Maybe it had a weakness I could exploit? I decided to search for one as I waited for the Scan to finish. Watching the ogre meander around, I saw there was a belt feed going into a massive metal canister on his back.


    So it had the same weakness as the red ogre? Or was that a trap too? Or was that fact that I think it could be the trap, the real trap, and the belt is his weakness after all?


    A ding sound brought me out of my spiraling thoughts. Looking at the screen, I saw that the Scan was done. Well, let''s see what a tough guy you are.


    <u>Blue Ogre</u>


    Level: 15


    Age: 36


    Health: 1,940/1,940


    Stamina: 1,170/1,170


    Reiryoku: 1,140/1,140


    Description: The Blue Ogre, Boss of the Moonlight District. He loves nothing more than turning someone into mince meat from a distance with his trusted Minigun, Isabella. Immune to ice and cold, he enjoys frolicking in the snow and making snowmen. Has a secret technique when his Hp drops below half, none who have experienced it have lived to tell the tale. Takes great pride in being smarter than his brother, the Red Ogre. Defeating him is required to obtain the Blue Orb and gain access to the Tower of the Ogre Princess.


    Huh¡­ well at least he isn''t as much of an Hp sponge as his brother, so that''s something. But the fact that he''s smart has me concerned. I doubt that would have been mentioned if it wasn''t important. And what could this secret technique be?


    Probably something to do with the cold, but that didn''t narrow it down much. No use in overthinking it. Getting in my own head is the last thing I need. "Hey Sarah, any advice?" I asked. She''s been strangely quiet this whole time, which normally wouldn''t be a problem, but since we hashed things out a bit, I was mildly concerned.


    I can''t tell you much, and I''m really not sure what changes have occurred. I think it''s best if I refrain from saying anything. Bad advice is worse than no advice after all.


    Yeah, that makes sense. If I went in there expecting one thing to happen, and then something completely different happens, I could be in deep doo doo.


    "Right, thanks anyway," I said.


    Good luck. I''ll be rooting for you!


    Just as I was about to charge in and Shadow Strike him, a stray thought entered my mind. Maybe I should try and find the Shadow Ogre Lair first. Clean that out while everything is peaceful. Who knows what this fight is going to be like. But at the same time, can I even find it before I trigger whatever is supposed to happen?


    Only one way to find out!


    Thus I began my search for the elusive Shadow Ogres, searching high and low, in every closet I can across. And eventually, I was rewarded for my sheer stubbornness.


    Man I miss the good old days when I could just look up where all the secret crap was.


    This time the entrance was hidden in a well. Honestly it was a pretty good spot. But my time playing Dragon Quest prepared me for this moment.


    Secret Lair of the Shadow Ogres  (2 of 2)


    The Shadow Ogres are a mysterious sect of ogres, using secret techniques to blend into their surroundings and ambush their enemies. No one knows much about them, even the other ogres, as their entire order is shrouded in secrecy.


    With a small grin, I descended down the ladder, determined to not get any more holes in my feet this time. The only ones who would be riddled with holes was them.


    The bottom of the well flared out in a large entrance with a small amount of water forming puddles along the floor. On one end was a large steel door, shut obnoxiously tight. Talk about heightened security.


    Hopefully it wasn''t locked.


    ¡­It was locked. There was no way I could see to open the damn thing except a keyhole. That means there was a key somewhere. A key that I do not have. Knowing my luck, it will be a drop from the big guy himself.


    Darn, and here I was hoping to get some fancy new ninja technique to help me with the boss. It was sure helpful last time. Probably why I was prevented from doing so this time. I know where it is, at least, so that was something. Guess I have no choice but to take on the only enemy I''ve managed to find in this entire section.


    Climbing back up the ladder, I marked the location on the Map. What a handy little feature. After that, I made my way back towards the Blue Ogre, intent on triggering whatever trap was laid out.


    Reaching the arena-like area in the center of the Blue Ogre''s District, I climbed on top of a house, just like last time and observed my opponent, waiting for the right moment to strike. I''ll try to cut the belt feeding the Minigun first, see if that works, but with the improvements to this side of the Dungeon, I wasn''t hopeful.


    I did manage to find another boulder beforehand, so that was pretty exciting. Robbed a Zen garden to get it. That''s not bad luck, is it?


    Even so, it was mine now, and there''s not a damn thing they could do about it.


    I waited for a minute or two, and when I saw the big blue asshole turn away from me, I activated Shadow Strike, in conjunction with Sneak Attack. Hopefully, that would do enough damage to the belt to render his weapon useless.


    If not, maybe I could jam the thing up with something in my Inventory, like the Kusarigama. I might be able to use Chain Trap to wrap that around the belt, and when it tried to feed into the gun, it would wedge itself inside the entrance and block it from receiving more ammo.


    So I at least had a plan B in case things went south, and plan C was to run like hell before I become Swiss cheese.


    I appeared from his shadow, hand on the hilt of Zannkimaru. I drew the blade in one swift motion, cutting into the belt, and to my relief, severed it. I smirked a bit, watching the two halves of the thing dangling uselessly. He still had a bit of ammo, but once that was used up, he wouldn''t be getting anymore.


    The Blue Ogre must have heard me, because he swung his body pretty damn fast towards me, swinging the Minigun like a club. I grabbed one of the boulders from my Inventory and used it as a shield.


    I pushed against one side as myself and the boulder skidded back a few feet. I jumped on top of it, leaping upwards and towards the Blue Ogre, who raised his Minigun in my direction. But I was ready for that. Pulling my second boulder from my Inventory, dropping it on him.


    I didn''t manage to do any damage to him, but his weapon was now trapped beneath it. I sprinted towards him, slashing my weapon with all my might, cutting deep into his arm. It was still attached, unfortunately, but his Hp took a decent nosedive, and he was also Bleeding.


    But of course, the sneaky ogre did something I didn''t expect. He took in a deep breath before releasing what looked like some kind of ice breath. What made me think that you might be asking?


    The giant boulder that was pinning its precious Isebella was turning into a giant ice pop. It only took a few seconds, showing just how potent it is, before the whole thing was encased in ice.


    I probably should have done something to stop this, but I was too mesmerized by the sight. I blame t.v, the internet, and Hollywood. They''ve collectively reduced my attention span to nothing.


    Then, he punched it. My precious boulder exploded in a shower of rock and ice. I should have been upset about it, but my emotions are being suppressed, so I was only mildly annoyed by this fact.


    When I''m in my right mind again, I''ll be sure to give it a proper funeral. But until then, I had to fight for my life.


    Which was in some serious trouble at the moment. I''ve used both of my boulders, and was out in the open. So there was no way I would be able to dodge the hail of bullets about to come my way.


    I watched in seemingly slow motion as he pointed the weapon towards me, a big stupid grin on his face. I had to think of something fast. I opened my Inventory to see if there was anything that could help me, hearing the whirring of the Minigun as it started up.


    That''s when I saw the Poison Darts. It was a long shot, but if I threw one of these at its face, it just might provide enough of a distraction to allow me to Sprint out of here.


    Seeing no other alternative, I grabbed one and took aim. I then tossed it, using Power Throw to give it some extra oomph. It soared fast and true, right into the ogre''s left eye.


    My eyes widened in shock at the critical hit. He roared in absolute agony, rearing his head back and firing his weapon randomly through the air. I yelped and took cover as a few stray shots almost got me.


    But with him distracted, I ran for cover behind good old boulder #1. That hit took him down to around 84%, so I was making good progress. Much better than the Red Ogre, at any rate.


    I listened as the bullets ran out, hearing the Minigun spinning uselessly. And it looked like the cooldown for Shadow Strike was done. Perfect. I shoved the boulder back into my Inventory, and charged at the Blue Ogre.


    He was still holding his eye, blood dripping through his fingers, not paying any attention to me. I drew my sword, swinging at him with all of my considerable Strength, cutting into his leg right above the knee.


    *Ding*


    By repeatedly performing a certain action, you have gained the Ability: Power Slash.


    I grinned, having a pretty good idea of what it did. I''ve been waiting for this one. The ogre''s Hp dropped another 5%, but I wasn''t done. I began using Power Slash over and over again, aiming for the same spot, hoping to cut his leg off.


    Honestly, the fact that it cost so little Stamina and had no cooldown was a little broken. I assume this will be fixed in a future patch. I''ll be sad to get nerfed, but I understand.


    But before I could sever his leg, he regained some of his senses and swung his Minigun at me. Seeing this, I used Shadow Strike, appearing on the other side of him. I used Power Slash in conjunction with Shadow Strike, and his Hp dropped to about 48%


    And that''s when his secret Technique stepped in to poop on my parade. He let out a deafening roar, whipping up a tornado made of snow and ice. I shielded myself as best I could, but there was nothing I could do. My body was sent flying out of the open courtyard I was fighting him in, ending up on some street.


    "Ow, that didn''t feel good. So that''s his secret technique huh? Throwing a hissy fit?" I questioned, getting back to my feet. I walked up to the swirling vortex of snow, sticking my hand towards it, only to find it violently thrown back.


    "Ah! Yeah, that''s about what I thought. Looks like I can''t get back in there until I take care of this thing," I said, cradling my hand. It wasn''t really injured, but sticking into a swirling mass of snow stung quite a bit.


    That''s not all. The temperature is dropping fast. If you''re not careful, you''ll freeze to death.


    "Well that''s just great. So I''m on a time limit now am I? Any idea on how to-shit!" I cursed, feeling an arrow whizz above my head. I looked around, but it seems like the Blue Ogre''s secret technique has kicked up a blizzard across the whole district. I couldn''t see anything.


    "And it looks like I won''t have a leisurely time figuring things out either, huh? Talk about playing on hard mode," I mumbled, watching as another arrow came shooting through the storm.


    I twisted my head to dodge and began running down the street. More and more arrows rained down on me, and I did my best to dodge, but I did get hit a couple of times. Luckily they didn''t seem to be poisoned, so that was a relief.


    But they just wouldn''t let up, relentless in their desire to kill me. Looking ahead, I noticed a window to a house, and decided to jump through it. A couple of arrows hit the wall around the window as I did so.


    "Tsk, talk about persistent," I said to myself, panting slightly. I yanked the arrows out of me, wincing as I took a bit more damage from it. It gave me the Bleeding Status as well, but it would only last a minute, so I wasn''t worried.


    Looking around the room I found myself in, I noted that it was a basic living room. Some couches, a chair, a table... Nothing really important or that could help me.


    Hey, I think I know what you''re supposed to do here¡­


    "Great, I''m all ears."


    ¡­


    "Sarah?"


    I just¡­ Don''t know if I should tell you. I mean, wouldn''t it be better for you to figure things out on your own? If I just give you all the answers, you won''t get any stronger, and if you don''t get any stronger, you''ll die. Just like-


    "Woah, easy there. Just take a deep breath and calm down," I said to her. I listened as she seemed to do so, staring outside, trying to see if anybody was attempting to storm the castle, as it were. So far, nothing. They were probably content to wait me out, hoping I''ll freeze to death.


    "Feel better?" I asked, hearing her breathing even out. It sounded really weird, like it was coming from everywhere at once, as if she was putting on one hell of a ventriloquist show.


    Yeah¡­ Sorry, I just¡­


    "Listen, it''s fine. We can talk about it later. But right now, I need your help, because in case you''ve forgotten, I''m about to freeze to death," I told her. She seemed to think about it, or at least that''s what I assumed she was doing, but eventually, she decided to answer.


    The giant heaters, remember? I''m pretty sure you have to turn them all on.


    I nearly slapped myself for not thinking of it. It made perfect sense, sort of. Perfect sense for a video game at any rate. And luckily, I happened to spot a few of them as I searched for the Shadow Ogre lair.


    *Ding*


    -New Quest-


    <u>To Beat the Cold</u>


    The Blue Ogre has unleashed his secret technique, creating a blizzard that will freeze anyone trapped inside of it. Find a way to stop the blizzard before you freeze to death.


    Heaters Activated: 0/4


    <u>Reward</u>


    -250 Exp


    -Stops the Snowstorm


    <u>Failure</u>


    -Death


    "Looks like you hit the nail on the head. Alright, let''s do this," I said. Looking out of the house, I tried once again to spot any of the numerous enemies I knew wanted me dead. But with a snowstorm as heavy as it was, there was no way for me to do so.


    Add to that, the blizzard also messed up my map, making it all staticky again. Which sucked, but I had a fairly good idea of where to go. And I couldn''t afford to wait either. The temperature was cold to start with, but it had to be almost down to 0 at this point.


    But that didn''t mean I couldn''t play this at least somewhat smart. The house had a second floor, which meant I might be able to leave out from a window up there and take to the roofs, which would take away their advantage of the high ground.


    I''ve seen Star Wars. I know how important that is.


    There was no time to second guess myself. I ran up the stairs and quickly found the windows with the easiest access to the roof. Opening it, shivering at the freezing gust of wind that assaulted me, I placed my foot against the windowsill and jumped.


    Thankfully, I am very strong, and made it across no problem. From here, I needed to go right and up. Glaring out against the raging storm, I started to run in the, hopefully, right direction.


    But to my shock, I almost ran directly into an ogre. This one was pure white, blending in perfectly with the snow. He wore a loincloth and a furry vest, very similar to what the Blue Ogre wore. In his hands was a wooden bow that''s seen better days, which might be one of the reasons they haven''t been able to hit me very much.


    I didn''t bother Scanning the thing, having no time to do so. Instead, right as he noticed me, I swung my sword at his bow, cutting it in half and rendering it useless. Sucks that I can''t take it for myself, but as long as he can''t use it, I''m fine with that.


    I bright my sword down at him, but he stumbled backwards, only receiving a light cut to his chest. He did slip on the icy roof tiles, falling to the street below, so either way, he was out of my hair for now.


    That''s a bald guy joke.


    With that out of the way, I continued on my journey. It didn''t take long before more arrows started coming my way. They must have spotted me, which was unfortunate. But at least they were easier to dodge up here. Not being surrounded on all sides helped.


    Eventually I was able to spot one of the giant heaters, although barely. The fact that they were also white didn''t help me any. But it didn''t matter, I found one and it was time to light this baby up.


    Jumping off the roof as arrows bounced off the tiles behind me, I landed on the snowy ground, which by now had accumulated several inches of the powdery fluff. My fingers were starting to go numb, and breathing in the frigid air hurt my chest. I needed to hurry.


    I ran toward the heater, dodging more arrows before I reached it. I didn''t waste any time and flipped the switch to on, fingers crossed it actually worked this time. And to my immense joy, it did.


    I heard it rattle a bit, and I smelt it before I felt it. The smell of copper wire heating up, almost like it was burning. A few seconds later, I could feel the heat beginning to pour out. But my jubilation didn''t last long.


    You have activated a Heater. Protect it while it warms up.


    Time Remaining: 3:00


    My eyes widened at that. "You''ve got to be kidding me..."


    Looking out across the courtyard, I could see the blizzard let up slightly, just enough for me to see dozens of ogres surrounding me. Some with bows, some with clubs, but all of them more than eager to take me out.


    "Alright, if that''s the way you want to play, fine! Bring it on!"

 Chapter 22

    It''s been about two minutes since the battle started, and the endless horde was starting to wear me down. Luckily they weren''t the strongest of enemies, around Level 2 or 3 on average, with a few tougher ones around Level 5.


    But even if they were weak, there was no end to them. No matter how many I killed, the number remained the same. There were always at least 15 in the area. And there were only two of me, my dear Shadow putting in work. He may have had zero Intelligence, but he understood basic commands, like protect heater, or, kill asshole with bow.


    That evened the odds a bit, as did the new Abilities I managed to acquire. The first one was Deflect and the second was Parry. Deflect allowed me to swipe arrows out of the air at the cost of 10 Stamina per deflection, with the added bonus of possibly Critically deflecting, which would either send the arrow into someone else, or if that wasn''t possible, reimburse me the Stamina cost.


    Parry was similar, only it allowed me to redirect physical attacks away from me, regardless of how powerful. Afterwards, I could immediately launch a counterattack with them pretty much helpless. If I managed to Critically Parry, I could immediately use an Ability free of charge, such as Power Slash.


    Too bad the Crit rate for both was only 5%, but with just how damn many there were, that happened more than you''d think. I heard someone step behind me, and turned to look, seeing an ogre raising his club above his head, ready to smash it down on my skull.


    Swinging Zannkimaru, I used Parry, making his club go shooting upwards and then swung my blade downward, cutting into his chest. His roar of pain was silenced by my sword cutting through his face horizontally, the top half sliding off and hitting the ground with a wet splat.


    But I didn''t have time to revel in my victory, as another one was running towards me, swinging his club in my direction. Not only that, but I could see a white ogre aiming his bow at me in the distance.


    I blocked the club before grabbing him by the vest and yanking him in front of the arrow, using him as a shield. He roared in pain, but I placed my blade against his throat and slid it across, slicing it open and painting the snow red.


    Fifty seconds left. I continued to fight, feeling like I was in a musou game, hacking and slashing like there was no tomorrow. Remember when I said that being able to use Power Slash over and over again was broken?


    Yeah, not so much when there was wave after wave of them. Luckily they at least died each time I did it, but still, it was draining on my Stamina. Add in the Parry and Deflect Abilities, and I was feeling the pressure. And to think, I had to do this three more times.


    At the thirty second mark Shadow finally fell, having taken an arrow to the back. Poor guy, you will be missed. Even though he was dumb as a bag of bricks, he served his purpose well.


    But now their whole attention was on me, and I didn''t like that, not one little bit. I thought of summoning him again, but with the knowledge that I still had three more to go, I held off. I can last a measly 30 seconds.


    Easy.


    The heater was doing pretty well, its Hp only having dropped about ten percent or so. Mostly caused by arrows from those damn white ogres. Shadow had managed to kill a couple, but like the green ones, they just respawned soon after with fresh quivers. Seeing that, I felt it was best to just leave them be. Once they ran out of arrows, they weren''t much of a threat.


    Time continued to tick away slowly, as I continued the dance of dodging and attacking. But eventually, I managed to wind down the timer, until it hit zero. A loud buzz rang out, and the remaining ogres ran off, leaving me there, panting, bloody, and cold.


    "Yeah¡­ You better run¡­" I muttered, before falling backwards. I stared up at the starry night sky, wondering how a moon could be so big. Was the real one like that as well, and I just never noticed? Or was it an illusion created solely for this world?


    Hey, you alright? That was pretty intense.


    "Not gonna lie, that was tougher than I thought. But I made it through. Not looking forward to the other three though¡­" I muttered, watching as small flakes of snow gently fell towards the ground, only to melt before they could land. It was a far cry from the blizzard raging all around me.


    Actually, hang on¡­ What happened to the blizzard? And is it just me, or does it feel warmer all of a sudden. According to South Park, feelings of warmth while freezing was a sign of hypothermia.


    Not sure how much I trust that information, but it did make me a bit nervous. However, while it was warmer, it was still cold.


    Rising up to a sitting position, I looked all around me. The snow that was on the ground was melting, leaving nothing but mud in their wake. I could still see the blizzard, only it was swirling all around me, like I was in the eye of a storm.


    It was more than a little surreal, but then again, I was inside of a woman who was literally ten times my age but looked almost like I would need to go door to door if I fooled around with her.


    Notice the word almost? Because I felt up that body and let me tell you, there''s no amber alert going on here. What was I talking about again?


    How surreal the world around you is.


    "Right, thanks," I said out loud, even if I didn''t need to. It just felt weird when she responded to something I thought. Talk about an invasion of privacy.


    Hey, I''ll have you know I''m not always rummaging around in there. But sometimes you think so darn loud that I can''t help but hear every juicy detail.


    "You say that, and yet, I''m not sure I believe you. Anyway, that''s not important right now," I said, while pulling out an arrow that was lodged in the front of my thigh. I sighed in both pain and relief as I stuck the arrow into my inventory.


    Looking out across the muddy courtyard I could see numerous bodies that needed looting. Not sure how many, but there had to be close to thirty. That was one heck of a battle.


    "What is important is my next step. My Stamina is too low, and my Hp and Reiryoku aren''t looking too hot either," I said, pulling up my Stats. But when I took a gander at them, I was surprised to see them climbing at a rapid pace.


    "What the heck¡­" I mumbled, wondering what was going on. I was eventually able to see it under the Status Condition tab. Apparently I was under the Rapid Recovery Status, which did exactly what you might think. But when did that happen?


    Maybe you should look behind you.


    Taking her suggestion to heart, I turned around and saw the heater with bright red coils churning out heat. That explains why the snow was melting, and likely why the storm could no longer reach me. Honestly, I had kind of forgotten about the thing in the aftermath of the battle, but what did that have to do with my Status?


    Wait¡­ Could it be that the heat being generated was the cause?


    Ding, ding, ding we have a winner!


    I''ll take it. With this, it should only take me about 10 minutes or so before my tanks are full. So while I wait, it''s looting time!


    Most of it was the same old same old, clubs, loincloths, and a nice chunk of change. But I did kill a few of the white ogres in the skirmish, or Shadow did at any rate, and they dropped some new equipment. The first one was a bow.


    <u>Rough Wooden Bow </u> (Common)


    A weathered old bow made of substandard wood. The condition it''s in makes it more difficult to aim.


    -Damage 15


    -Accuracy -10%


    -Durability 2/4


    Upgradeable


    Ok, so not the best, but it still gave me some ranged options beyond chucking rocks at people. Also if I can get it upgraded it might prove to be a decent weapon. Though, to be fair, it wasn''t high on my list of priorities to improve.


    The next thing I got was a piece of armor.


    <u>Bandit Vest</u> ( Common)


    A vest worn by ruffians and scoundrels; it provides some protection against the elements.


    -Defense 1


    -Minor Cold Resistance


    -Minor Heat Resistance


    -Durability 4/6


    Upgradeable


    Well, at least it wasn''t soiled. And it was at least a small step up from the kimono I had on. That thing didn''t provide any protection at all. Equipping it, I immediately felt some of the chill disappear, sighing in relief.


    The Resistance System within the game was pretty easy to understand. Minor Resistance was 25%. Moderate was 50%. Major was 75%. After that was complete immunity.


    Unfortunately, they didn''t stack. For example, if I were to wear the Soiled Ogre''s Loincloth, which also gave a Minor Resistance to heat and cold, along with the Bandit''s Vest, it wouldn''t increase my Resistance to a Moderate 50%, it would stay at a Minor 25%. It defaulted to whatever the higher was.


    Kinda sucks, but I get it. Lots of games were like that for stupid reasons such as balance. But when they played those games, their lives weren''t on the line! Still, it was better than nothing, and should at least help me to not freeze to death.


    The last thing I got was a quiver. There were also the arrows, technically, but they just increased the damage of the bow by two and had a Durability of 1.


    <u>Worn Leather Quiver </u> (Common)


    A basic leather quiver that has seen better days. This one is meant to be worn over the shoulder. Holds 20 arrows.


    Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.


    -Current ammunition: 12


    -Durability 3/6


    Upgradeable


    It was better than nothing. I feel like I''ve been saying that a lot. But still, this could be a good option to have for Shadow. I could Equip the bow and arrows, summon him, then switch back to Zannkimaru, and I''d have a ranged ally. The only issue is when he ran out of ammo, but it was still a viable strategy. He could always run around and pick up more arrows as well, so¡­ Food for thought.


    Looking at my Stats, I was almost back to full. And I was pretty close to a Level up as well, nice. After this next round of protection detail, I''d be at Level 9, and once the Blue fucker was good and dead, I''d make it all the way to level 10. Things are looking up for old Ushio.


    Please do not start talking in the third person. That''s a sign of megalomania you know.


    "So I should wait until after I''ve conquered the world? I can do that," I said snarkily.


    That''s not what I meant and you know it!


    "Yeah, yeah, I''ll be good. Anyway, I think it''s about time to move on," I said, getting serious. I still had three more of these damn things to activate, and I didn''t trust that something terrible wouldn''t happen if I took my sweet time. For all I know, the ogres would get stronger the longer the storm raged.


    Hopefully it wouldn''t be so bad with my new vest blunting some of the cold, but by this point the temperature was likely well below zero, so while it might buy me some time, I couldn''t afford to dawdle.


    I exited the safety zone and immediately felt the biting sting of the frigid air. It was without a doubt below zero. And with the wind factor of the storm, well¡­ let''s just say it was time to run. Activating Sprint, I ran as fast as I could toward the second heater, the one closest to the entrance.


    Of course it wasn''t that easy, as I was almost immediately assaulted by more of the white ogres, and wouldn''t you know it, they were more accurate than last time. But still, with how fast I was moving, I didn''t make an easy target, and with my new ability to deflect arrows, I managed to make it across the icy landscape without injury. My Stamina was lower than I would have liked, but that was neither here nor there.


    Reaching the heater, I flipped it on without preamble. It shuddered just like the last one before it started up. The timer returned, and I summoned Shadow, turning to face the oncoming horde.


    3 minutes later


    I panted as the buzz signifying the end of the battle rang out. The ogres ran off again, much to my relief, and I sat down on the cold ground as the warmth from the heater began to take away the chill.


    Two down, two to go. You know, that one felt longer than the last one, even if it wasn''t, and the enemies were a bit stronger as well. Even so, I managed to eke out a win. My Stamina was drained, my Hp was round 75%, and I had to resummon Shadow, but I did it.


    After waiting until I was all patched up by the heater, I collected my spoils of war and prepared to make a mad dash to the first heater before continuing on to the rest. Judging by the location of these two, I had a pretty good idea where the last one was. As long as the game didn''t try to trick me, I should find it no problem.


    "I didn''t just raise a flag, did I?"


    Probably.


    "Well, shit¡­"


    *Line Break*


    The third heater was much the same as the first two, only the enemies were definitely getting stronger, especially the white ogres. I finally bothered to Scan the things during this protection detail, and I was more than a bit surprised by what I found.


    Turns out they were called Snowman Ogres, and they were actually made by the Blue Ogre himself. I thought that part about him liking to make snowmen was just flavor text, but it turned out to be a bit too literal for my tastes.


    The worst part about them was the fact that the colder it got, the stronger they got as well, which was all kinds of not good for me. The normal enemies average level increased by about 1 at every heater, but the Snowmen Ogres increased by about three, meaning they were about as strong as the Shadow Ogre Boss, at least in terms of Stats, by the third heater.


    Luckily, they weren''t ninjas with sneaky ninja powers, but that didn''t mean they were easy to deal with. The only real upside was that there weren''t very many of them. If I had to defend the heaters from a horde of them, I would have been screwed.


    That being said, it was a close call, with the Hp of the heater dropping to around 20% this time. But even so, I couldn''t just give up right at the finish line. I had to activate the fourth one, and finish this as soon as possible.


    Because I am sick of the damn cold.


    So after collecting my loot and recovering, I made my way to where I suspected the final heater was, dodging assholes the whole way. But when I reached the suspected area, I saw, to my relief, a familiar looking, giant space heater just waiting to ruin their snow day.


    I ran up to it, eager to put an end to this, but when I went to flip the switch, I noticed something rather distressing.


    It was gone.


    There was no switch with which to activate the machine. And looking at the mechanism it was attached to, there was no way for me to activate it without it.


    Fucking red flags, I just knew I jinxed myself somehow. But where in the heck could it be?


    Behind you!


    Turning around swiftly, I saw one of the Snowmen Ogres standing there with the switch I needed strapped to his back. He gave me a mocking smirk before taunting me by smacking his own ass and running away.


    "Oh no you don''t! Get back here!" I shouted, racing after him. Of course when I turned the corner, I realized it was an obvious ambush, with several of his snowy brethren waiting for me with bows raised.


    The cheeky bugger even had the gall to give me a salute before running off again. I growled as the arrows came flying at me, but I used Shadow Strike to dodge and get behind them.


    Using the move with Power Slash, I managed to injure the first one, but their Levels were about 15 now, so I couldn''t just take them out with one hit anymore. Thankfully, they all seemed to be specked for ranged combat, so even if it took a few more swings then I would have liked, they went down pretty easily without being able to defend themselves much.


    But there were still 4 more, and I didn''t have the time to deal with them. I couldn''t let the one carrying the switch to get too far away. So I created a Shadow Double to distract them while I chased after him. With any luck, he''d be able to take at least one of them out before he kicked the bucket, but I wasn''t all that confident.


    Thankfully for me he hadn''t gotten too far away, but damn was he fast! Even using Sprint I was finding it hard to catch up. Maybe if the roads weren''t all icy and there wasn''t a literal snowstorm I could have, but it was clear I was at a severe disadvantage. Not to mention all the assholes who were still firing arrows at me wherever I went. That didn''t help any.


    I tried hurling some rocks at him, but it was way too hard to aim while sprinting after him in a blizzard. So it was pretty clear that that wasn''t going to work, not without a lot of luck. So I needed to think of a different way to corner him.


    Getting an idea, I leapt onto the roofs, hoping I''d be able to get in front of him and cut him off. But with all the Snowman Ogres up here blocking my way and making things difficult, I don''t think that was going to work either.


    So I figured I had two real options. One is to see where he''s leading me, which was probably another ambush, and hope he didn''t run away after. Or two, I wait until Shadow Strike is finished with its cool down and wait until the moonlight casts his shadows in front of him so I can cut him off that way.


    You know, it''s actually kind of amazing that I can even see their shadows considering it''s night and there''s a blizzard. Thank you video game logic for not imposing reality on me, because I should not be able to do that.


    Deflecting an arrow and then bashing an ogre out of my way, I continued to follow him, choosing to go with option two. Even if I did have to wait until he reached wherever he was going, assuming he was going anywhere, there was no reason not to try to cut him off beforehand. I just hope I don''t have to wait until his Stamina runs out, because I have a feeling he will last longer than me.


    Checking the cooldown for Shadow Strike, it looked like it was almost done. And wouldn''t you know it, he was running away from the moon at the moment, meaning his shadow was in front of him. This was my chance!


    As soon as the cooldown ended, I used the move, appearing right in front of him. I had just a single moment to enjoy his surprised face before my sword flashed out, aiming for his legs. There was no guarantee that I would be able to kill him with a single strike, even if it was aimed at his neck. So just in case, I wanted to try and cripple him first.


    The blade cut deep into his flesh, just below the knees. I didn''t manage to serve them or anything, but going by the crack I heard, I don''t think he''s going anywhere. The hit also sent him tumbling to the ground, and it did not look like a pleasant fall.


    Checking his Status, I confirmed that he was indeed afflicted by the Crippled Status, making my job much easier. I walked toward him, ignoring the dark crimson snow in my path, casually deflecting any arrow that tried to pierce me. He tried to get back to his feet, but the pain appeared to be too much for him to bear. His Hp was also quite low as well, around 30% give or take, so it wouldn''t be hard for me to finish him off.


    Surprisingly, I managed to get a Critical Deflect, sending the arrow right into his calf. He roared in pain before collapsing back to the floor. If he wasn''t getting up before, he sure as hell wasn''t now. Smirking, I raised my blade while standing next to him. He gave me a defiant glare before my sword came down and removed his head from his body.


    You know, thinking about it, I probably could have tried to steal it from him as well. Too late for that now. He''s dead and I have my prize. Reaching down, I placed the Heater Switch into my Inventory. With that done, all that was left was to get back to the heater, turn it on, and battle the horde.


    But first, I think I''ll make a little pit stop at heater #3, considering I''m so close to it. Once I regain my Health and everything, I''ll head on over to the heater. I don''t exactly like waiting, but that just took out a good chunk of my Stamina and Reiryoku, so I figured I should play it safe.


    Making my way back to the safe zone, I sighed in content as the heat washed over me. Being in that frigid temperature for so long really takes it out of you. I waited for several minutes until I was fully recovered before moving on.


    This was it, the final part of the Quest. Once this was done, it would be time to finish off the Blue Ogre once and for all. But judging how difficult the last one was, I thought it might be a good idea to use my Ability Upgrade Token.


    I only have the one, so I''ve kinda been holding back on using it, but considering the stakes, it''s probably best if I do so. And honestly, there was really only one Ability I can think of that would make a difference, and that was True Double.


    Was it the best idea? I have no clue, but there was no time for hesitation. I used it, watching as it went from Rank 1 to 2. With that, my double, Shadow, would have half the Stats I do now, which just might push me over the edge. With that done, I started to make my way towards the final heater.


    It didn''t take me too long to reach it. Once I did, I grabbed the switch from my Inventory before fixing it into place. Once that was done I flipped it on and prepared for combat.


    Only to be blue balled when the heater started up right away. Part of me was disappointed, but another part was relieved. I barely managed to beat the third one, so this was probably for the best.


    But still! I used the Upgrade Token for nothing! I mean, it''s not like it''s a bad thing to have upgraded, but still! It made me feel like a jackass for doing it.


    Ah, don''t feel too bad. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to do given the circumstances.


    "You say one thing, but your sarcasm says another," I said, ignoring the way she snickered at that.


    On a serious note, are you ready to finish this?


    That made me grin, "Baby you know it!"


    I checked the Quest, and saw that it was complete. I could now enter the Blue Ogre''s arena.


    -Quest Complete-


    <u>To Beat the Cold</u>


    The Blue Ogre has unleashed his secret technique, creating a blizzard that will freeze anyone trapped inside of it. Find a way to stop the blizzard before you freeze to death.


    Heaters Activated: 4/4


    <u>Reward</u>


    -250 Exp


    -Stops the Snowstorm


    Turns out, that''s just what the doctor ordered to push me to level 9. With that, now my stats are looking like this:


    <u>Stats</u>


    Level: 9 (165/1,000)


    Health: 1,144/1,144


    Stamina: 646/646


    Reiryoku: 792/792


    Strength: 61 (107) {127}


    Agility: 22 (68) {70}


    Vitality: 38 (84)


    Intelligence: 15


    Wisdom: 25


    Spirit: 46


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    Looking good. It also looks like my Agility and Vitality also went up, probably due to all the running around I''ve been doing. Guess exercising under duress was more effective. Not sure it was worth it though¡­


    "Looks like the blizzard finally stopped," I muttered, staring out at the rapidly clearing district. Without that damn snowstorm, navigating this place will be much easier. Checking the Map, which was working properly again, I noticed that there were dozens of red dots all around. If I had to guess, those were the remnants of the Snowman Ogres.


    I had hoped they would disappear with the blizzard, but no such luck. Just like with the Red Ogre, I couldn''t risk them swarming me when I fight their boss, so I would have to take them out, one by one.


    But maybe that''s a good thing. With the temperature rising, I doubt they''d be as big of a threat as they were before, which means they were basically free Exp. In other words¡­


    "Let the hunt begin."


    I went around and started killing them off, taking this chance to up my Stealth and Steal Skills. It took about 45 minutes, give or take, before they were all just a pile of snow. Turns out I was also right, they weren''t nearly as strong as they were during the snowstorm, averaging about Level 5 instead of 15. After taking them all out, I was almost at Level 10, which I would reach after taking out the Blue Ogre.


    Guess my calculations were pretty much spot on. Who knew I was such a math whizz?


    But with that done, it was time for round two with the big, blue asshole.

 Chapter 23

    You know, I''m not the biggest fan of surprises. Sure, they can be good on occasion, like a sexy stripper popping out of your birthday cake, but the flipside to that, she has the clap and now, so do you.


    Why do I bring this up? Well, when I arrived back at the large courtyard that the Blue Ogre resided in, it turned out that he was not alone anymore. You might be thinking that it''s just another ogre, but that would be false.


    "What in the hell?" I asked, not believing what my eyes were seeing. There, in the middle of the courtyard, was Hiyori, tied up to a t-shaped wooden pole, looking like she was about to be crucified. Her head was slumped forward, and I figured she was unconscious.


    I looked at the Minimap, thinking I would see a red dot there indicating it was an enemy in disguise somehow, but to my further surprise, it was blue. Do you get why I don''t like surprises?


    I even tried Scanning her, but all I got was the same info as the last time I checked. It''s looking more and more like she was really down there.


    But how in the hell could she be here? That just didn''t make any sense. She was supposed to be in the tower. That was the whole reason I was getting these stupid orbs in the first place! Every instinct in my body was screaming that this was a trap, just like before, when the Blue Ogre was the only enemy in the district.


    Speaking of him, he was standing some ways away from Hiyori, with his freaking Minigun seemingly repaired, looking like he was going to execute her as a one man firing squad. Isn''t that just freaking great? He was also wearing an eyepatch over the one I took out, which did fill me with a bit of pride.


    But that pride was tempered by indecision.


    Do I go down there and help her? I mean, every indication besides my gut instinct was telling me it was her. But what reason could they have to bring her out here? It didn''t make any sense!


    That might be the point.


    "What do you mean?" I asked, confused.


    That, right there. Confusion. Whoever''s behind this likely knows you can''t take the chance that that isn''t Hiyori. And if that person is from the Heavenly Realm, then¡­


    "Shit¡­" I mumbled. That throws everything out the window, doesn''t it? Now there''s no way of sussing out which one it was. Hiyori, or an imposter. The likelihood that either one could be true is basically a coin flip, and that''s not a chance I could take.


    If it is a trap, then it looks like I''m falling for it again. Man, being a video game protagonist sucks.


    So, what are my options? I can try and take out the big, blue bastard before trying to save who may or may not be Hiyori, but if I can''t and that really was her, then that would just be putting her in more danger.


    The best plan, at least to my low IQ brain, is to try and remove her from the playing field entirely. Get in, get out and then come back to finish him off. If it isn''t her, then I can be prepared to counter whatever plan it is they hope to get me with.


    That would make the fight a 2v1, which I wasn''t thrilled about. Though I can summon Shadow, so that''s not entirely accurate. I guess it''s more like, 2v1.5.


    But it looks like I don''t have more time to contemplate this mess, as Big Blue down there is raising his gun. If this is a trap, and that Hiyori down there is a fake, are they planning to just, murder them? Like, if I don''t show up to save her, would they just kill one of their own? Pretty messed up, but then again, there are a shit ton of them. Guess they didn''t care if they had to sacrifice one or two as long as they got to me.


    Summoning Shadow, I prepared to do the stupid thing I needed to do. I would have him try and distract the big guy with the big gun, while I went over there to save the violent, yet sexy, munchkin.


    I hope.


    Hang on¡­ could this be a different kind of trap? You know, the kind where you think it''s a lady then realize you''re in Bangkok? Oh dear God in heaven¡­


    Gah, I can''t think of that right now! The image of Hiyori with a big floppy donkey dick, grinning at my horror stricken face as she revealed it to me is not one I ever wanted to imagine. But, well, here we are. Curse me and my stupid brain!


    Alright, back to the plan. Shadow would Shadow Strike the Blue Ogre, getting his attention. When his back was turned, I would Sprint for all my worth towards the totally female and not a trap of any kind, Hiyori.


    I could use my own Shadow Strike, but just in case this whole thing isn''t on the up and up, I wanted to have that in my back pocket so I could escape if I needed to.


    Good luck. Fingers crossed she doesn''t have a penis!


    "Ah, damn it Sarah, now I''m thinking about it again!" I yelled, but there was no time left to chastise her further, because the Blue Ogre''s Minigun, Isabella, was starting up. It was now or never.


    I signaled for Shadow to attack and watched him disappear and reappear in the Blue Ogre''s shadow. The sword flashed out and struck true, hitting him in the arm holding the gun.


    I would have gone for the belt like last time, but it looked like that whole structure had been reinforced, so cutting through it was highly unlikely, which was unfortunate.


    The big guy roared in pain, swinging the gun like a club towards Shadow, who managed to duck under it. Looks like upping that Ability was worth it after all. Now, with him thoroughly distracted by my good pal, it was time to do my part. I ran as fast as I could towards Hiyori, hoping I wasn''t spotted and turned into swiss cheese.


    Thankfully, I wasn''t. I managed to reach her undisturbed. Once there, I could see that she was definitely unconscious, but more importantly, there weren''t any suspicious bulges I could see coming from her lower half.


    Hallelujah!


    I drew my sword and used it to cut her free from the ropes. "I gotcha," I said, catching her as she fell. She didn''t respond, but I could confirm she was alive by the rising and falling of her chest.


    With her tiny body safely ensconced in my arms, I took a look at the Blue Ogre. Seeing as he was still safely distracted by Shadow, I felt secure enough to once more dart across the landscape.


    I made it to the edge of the clearing before entering an alleyway. Setting Hiyori down carefully, her body leaning against the wall, I turned away to watch the battle unfold. Shadow was doing remarkably well for someone with half my Stats. Guess I''m just that awesome.


    But I could still see he was losing ground. It was basically all he could do to dodge. But unfortunately for the Blue Ogre, he wasn''t alone. I grinned as I grabbed my sword with my left hand.


    Only to notice a shadow looming over me. Turning around, I was met with the completely expected sight of Hiyori, raising a sword to strike me down. The part that wasn''t expected was the sword she was using to do it.


    It was bigger than me, for one thing, and had large, serrated sections that reminded me of teeth. It was the weapon of a butcher, and it looks like I was on the chopping block. You know, I''m not surprised that she''s trying to kill me, but I can''t figure out for the life of me where she kept it hidden.


    Hang on, wasn''t that her Zanpakuto? I guess she can just pull it out of her ass then. Not literally I hope. But that did tilt the scales to this actually being Hiyori, which was a bit disappointing.


    Because now I had to pull my punches. Looking into her eyes, I could see they were clouded over, dull and unseeing. I actually wasn''t sure she was conscious. It almost looked like she was being controlled.


    She swung the massive blade down at me, but I jumped backwards, out of the way and out of the alley. A large cloud of dust erupted from where she struck the ground, obscuring my vision.


    Not that it mattered much, as she shot out of the cloud with her sword raised, ready to sever my beautiful bald head from my beautiful buff body. And that I couldn''t allow. I swung my sword and parried her attack, twisting my body to kick her in the torso, sending her flying back.


    She skidded along the dirt for a bit before using her sword to completely halt her movement. Once she stopped, she rubbed her stomach, right where I kicked her. I knew that wouldn''t be enough to take her out, or even hurt her really. In fact, she just looked mostly confused by the hit.


    That''s probably not a good thing¡­


    "Damn it you stupid midget, snap out of it!" I shouted, but rather than cease her attacks, it only seemed to spur her on, her face taking on an angry scowl. That may have been a mistake.


    Not like it''s my fault she''s upset about her height. Doesn''t she know guys like a girl who''s fun sized?


    I ducked under a heavy swing, my nonexistent hair being ruffled from the force. "Guess not," I mumbled, as I started to dodge her attacks as best as I could. But after a bit, I couldn''t help but be a bit confused.


    If this really was Hiyori, how was I keeping up? She was way higher level than me, has way higher stats, and has way more experience. I shouldn''t realistically stand a chance. Was it because of that trance-like state she was in, or was there something else going on?


    I parried another attack, punching her in her face right after. But like before, she barely felt it. And I don''t think it''s because of her state of mind either. Her Hp barely moved.


    Damn, at this rate, Shadow would definitely meet his end before I could knock her out. Should I try and defeat the Blue Ogre first? Dealing with both of them at the same time would be pretty difficult, but at least I wouldn''t have to worry about getting riddled with holes.


    Or Hiyori being riddled with holes.


    Shit, what was I supposed to do? What was the best course of action? Not like this was a normal game where I''d get a do over if I made a bad choice. If I Game Over, that''s it, no second chances.


    But it seemed like my choice would be made for me. While I tried not to get cut in half by Hiyori, the Blue Ogre managed to land a hit on Shadow. The initial blow didn''t kill him, but the follow up stomp to the face sure did. He disappeared in a puff of black miasma.


    The Blue Ogre roared in triumph. I couldn''t blame poor Shadow, he did pretty good all things considered. The Boss''s Hp was down to about 40%, meaning Shadow took off about 6% during his battle with him.


    But unfortunately, that meant the big blue bitch was able to focus his entire attention on me. Or to be more specific, on Hiyori. He raised Isabella up, aiming it at the unaware girl who was still trying to kill me. The Minigun whirred to life, and I only had a split second to decide what to do.


    Seeing Hiyori''s big ass cleaver of a sword coming at me gave me an idea. First, I parried, knocking her off balance a bit. Next, instead of punching or kicking her, I grabbed her around the waist, pulling her flush against my chest. Finally, I brought out the boulder from my Inventory, the one that wasn''t destroyed, using it as a shield against the onslaught of bullets.


    It was hard to describe what it sounded like. Hundreds upon hundreds of bullets ricocheting off the boulder. The sounds of miniature explosions ringing out every time the ogre propelled one in my direction. It was like I was in a war zone.


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    No wonder soldiers developed tinnitus.


    But more than that, there was a lithe, squirming figure trying to get out of my grasp. The only reason she wasn''t able to was because of the awkward position. With her pressed against me like she was, she couldn''t get the leverage needed to escape or cut me in half.


    The worst part was, I couldn''t even enjoy it! Her tiny body, squirming helpless against my own. Not with the hailstorm of bullets attempting to take my head off. Or whatever part of my body they could hit.


    "Hiyori, will you stop that!" I yelled over the din of gunfire. But she wasn''t listening, and it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold her down. But if I let go, one of us would be turned into a shish kebab, and on the off chance this really was her, I couldn''t let that happen.


    I needed to do something to distract her. Something that would force her to stop struggling against me, whether she wanted to or not.


    ¡­That doesn''t sound right.


    Whatever! Now''s not the time to be thinking about that. My time was much better spent on figuring out what to do.


    Looking down at the snarling, young-looking woman in my arms, I got an idea. I couldn''t say it was a particularly good one, but I didn''t have many options. There was nothing in my Inventory that would help, nor would any of my Skills or Abilities.


    "Sorry about this," I said, before grabbing her by the back of the head and kissing her. I felt her go stiff in my arms, feeling less like a wriggling worm and more like a plank of wood.


    "Soft," was my first thought as my lips pressed against hers. It was kind of hard to imagine someone like Hiyori having such silky soft, pouty lips, but here we are. I felt myself draw her in closer, if that was even possible.


    For a moment, she didn''t do anything. She just sat there, completely still. It was really awkward, not gonna lie, kissing someone who wasn''t kissing back. Degenerate in a way I wasn''t entirely comfortable with. Made me feel like I slipped something into her drink.


    But to my relief, she actually started to kiss me back. Slowly and timidly, but with a rising enthusiasm. Not only that, but she also dropped her sword as well. After several blissful seconds of this, we parted, the need for air becoming too great.


    Not sure why I didn''t just breathe through my nose, but whatever. Looking down at the cute, flushed and out of breath Hiyori, I vowed that this would not be the last time I saw that face.


    But more to the point, my plan worked. I''m sure there was a kick to my balls coming in my future, but for now, I was satisfied. Well, actually, I was extremely frustrated, but for a completely different reason.


    I placed the dazed Hiyori against the rock, and yeeted her sword into my Inventory. Without that, the amount of danger she presented was drastically cut in half. I know she was pretty good at Hakuda, but that was still far less of a concern than a big ass sword.


    At least, I hope.


    At that point I noticed the sound of gunfire had stopped. Looking out past the rock, I could see the Blue Ogre holding a Minigun with a bright red barrel. Looks like Isabella couldn''t take the heat.


    This was my chance! With his weapon out of commission for a bit, it gave me the perfect opportunity to do some damage. But first¡­


    Hiyori gasped as she was wrapped up. She looked down, only to see herself tied up by a metal chain. "Sorry about that, but I can''t have you running off and getting hurt. So be a good girl and wait for me to get back," I said to her. She glared at me and began to thrash, but luckily the Kusarigama held true.


    However, I didn''t know how long that would last. She packed a whole lot of strength into that tiny body of hers. Summoning Shadow, I ordered him to watch over and protect her. Hopefully, he could stop her from doing anything stupid if the need arose.


    Giving her one last look, I used Shadow Strike to attack the Blue Ogre, coming out of the shadow to his side. Zannkimaru sped towards his arm, the same one I hit earlier, hitting tight above the scar left behind.


    He roared in pain at the surprise attack, his arm falling limply to the side. His Hp was about 35% now, so as long as there were no more surprises, it shouldn''t take me too long to make him good and dead.


    So of course, the first thing that he did surprised me. I expected him to swing that big ass gun of his and try to either batter me away or turn me into a pancake. But as it turns out, he had other plans.


    He breathed in deep, and my eyes widened. I knew exactly what he was about to do. And considering what happened to boulder #1, I did not want that happening to me.


    Now, I could dodge. Roll right under him and slice into both cheeks from behind. And while that certainly appealed to me, there was something that tickled my fancy even more.


    Turning his attack against him.


    Right as he opened his mouth to blast me with that icy breath of his, I jumped up, fist extended, and gave him an uppercut with all of my Strength, using Power Punch for good measure.


    His jaw closed shut with a thunderous clap, and his teeth shattered from the impact. But that wasn''t the only thing that happened. Since he was in the middle of an attack, he couldn''t just stop it, meaning the blast had nowhere to go, causing an icy explosion in his mouth.


    While under normal circumstances he was Immune to ice damage, that didn''t seem to apply here. He staggered back a bit, letting out a groan from a now nearly toothless mouth, before falling onto his back.


    With a grin I ran towards him, jumping in the air and bringing my sword down, stabbing him in the chest. I was aiming for his heart, but it seems like I missed. He let out another pain filled bellow, before backhanding me away.


    Just like the Red Ogre before him.


    -132 Hp


    Thankfully, he wasn''t as strong as his brother, so that didn''t do nearly as much damage. Still, I did not appreciate it! But more than that, for the second time now my sword has gotten stuck inside one of these assholes.


    Well, at least it wasn''t in their asshole. Not sure I''d want it back if that were the case.


    The two of us stood up at the same time, glaring at one another. He pointed his big ass gun at me, and I sprinted away, hoping to stay ahead of the lead shower. I was clean enough at the moment, thank you very much.


    I opened my Inventory and went to pull out the Kusarigama, when I noticed something strange. There, in one of the boxes, was Zannkimaru, just as innocent as can be. But that didn''t make any sense.


    Looking back at the ogre and ignoring the whirring of the gun, I saw my precious blade still lodged in his chest. So where did this one come from? Unfortunately, I didn''t have time to think about it, as the Blue Ogre opened fire.


    "Fuck it!" I yelled, grabbing the sword from my Inventory and using Shadow Strike to appear from the shadow behind him. My blade flashed out, aiming for them rosy cheeks of his, when, to my immense surprise, a metallic clang rang out.


    You know, I figured he had glutes as hard as steel, but this is ridiculous.


    Turns out, him being smarter than his brother was also not just flavor text. It appears as if he learned how my move works and predicted where I was going to attack from, blocking my strike with the barrel of the Minigun.


    "Well¡­ shit," I said, before he spartan kicked me across the field.


    -195 Hp


    I let out a cry of pain, a manly one mind you, as I went tumbling across the frigid landscape. I eventually came to a stop, groaning in pain. Still better than being hit by his brother.


    I rose to one knee, glaring at the Blue Ogre for all I was worth, when that glare turned into panic. An icy blue beam was racing towards me! I braced for the damage as best I could, crossing my arms in front of me, but while I could feel the temperature drop, not much else happened.


    Looking around me, I discovered just what the sneaky bastard was up to. Giant pillars of ice surrounded me, caging me in. He cut off all avenues of retreat. I was officially a fish in a barrel.


    I''m sorry Samantha, I didn''t mean to cheat on you!


    I looked back at the one-eyed ogre who was giving me a wicked grin, which just made him look dumb without his teeth. His gun was aimed right at me, and there was basically nothing I could do about it. I couldn''t jump over the ice, it was too tall, and I didn''t have another boulder to block the bullets until his gun overheated.


    I need more boulders, that''s my take away from this. Thousands and thousands of boulders to create an impenetrable defense and to bury my enemies with.


    I could lament my boulderless self all I wanted, but my only way to retreat was forward, through a storm of lead. And that was a terrible plan, unless¡­


    "Hey Sarah, does Deflect work on bullets," I asked quickly, holding up my sword in a ready stance. I had an idea, one just crazy enough it might actually work. Or kill me, there really was no in between here.


    Um, theoretically it should.


    "Good enough for me," I said. I opened up my Inventory again and threw the rigged treasure chest near the frozen wall. Now all I had to do was block all the incoming bullets, wait until I got a Critical Deflect and send it into the bomb, blowing it up along with the wall, allowing me to escape the kill zone he set up.


    Why he didn''t just freeze me I have no idea. I''d be pretty much dead if he had. Maybe he just wanted to prove what a smarty pants he is by trapping me like this, or maybe this was an act of cruelty on his part. I don''t know, and I don''t care. All I know is that this is not where my story ends.


    I heard the first shot echo out almost in slow motion, which was probably a good thing. I immediately used Deflect, and to my immense relief, it actually worked. The bullet hit my sword with a twang and went flying into the ice pillars around me.


    Not a Critical, but that did make me realize I didn''t necessarily need one. However, it still relied on luck, which I''m not a fan of.


    The next bullets came screaming towards me and I kept Deflecting them. It kind of made me feel like Obi-Wan. What was the quote again? "He could walk through a hornets nest of blaster fire and come out unscathed." Something like that?


    Well that''s how I felt at the moment. Bullet after bullet came streaking towards me, each one determined to be the one that kills me. Luckily for me, his aim wasn''t the best. Whether that was due to the inaccuracy of the weapon itself, or because I took out one of his eyes, throwing off his depth perception, I don''t know. Hell, it could be both.


    Let''s put this into perspective, shall we? His gun fired at a rate of about six rounds per second. Out of those six, about two of them were actual threats to my person. That means I had to Deflect two bullets per second.


    Now, Deflect costs 10 Stamina per Deflection, which on the face of it, sounds like it wasn''t a lot. Normally, this would be correct, but just like facing down an endless horde of enemies, Deflecting 2 bullets a second, which cost 20 Stamina a second, added up pretty damn quick.


    It means I only had about 30 seconds until I ran out. Sixty bullets and thirty seconds, that was all that stood between me and defeat. If I couldn''t hit the bomb before then, I was toast.


    The seconds ticked by, each one seemingly slower than the last, prolonging my desperation. Ten seconds¡­ Then twenty¡­ It was looking like I was screwed.


    Until I managed to actually Crit one of the bullets, deflecting it into the treasure chest. The rigged box went up with a staggering boom, the blast sending me hurtling backwards, slamming against the icy wall behind me.


    -68 Hp


    -100 Hp


    -24 Hp


    But that wasn''t the only damage I sustained. One of the bullets managed to get lucky and hit me in the leg, which did not feel good. The damn Minigun was probably a .50 Cal. Luckily it only managed to graze me, or I would be finding out for sure if I could regrow a limb.


    The ice wall to my right collapsed, or at least part of it did, providing me with cover. I heard the bullets stop coming, and I sighed in relief. At the very least I bought myself some time to come up with another plan.


    Honestly, the best idea might be to wait until Shadow Strike-wait! Shadow! That''s it! That adorable little rascal was still out there, guarding Hiyori. If I can get him to attack and help distract him, that should ensure that I could land my attack this time.


    But how to do it?


    "Hey Sarah? Can you possess Shadow somehow? Or give him orders?" I asked, as the bullets started up again. Guess he didn''t want to wait for me to formulate a plan. I could feel the cool spray of ice cold water hit my face as the bullets shredded the frosty rubble in front of me.


    Huh, that''s an interesting idea. Too bad he just died.


    "Wait, what?" I asked in confusion. I checked the Ability and sure enough, there was no current Shadow Duplicate on the field. What happened to him? Don''t tell me¡­


    I heard a rage filled scream, a decidedly feminine one, ringing out across the battlefield. I could just barely make out the image of Hiyori, jumping over the boulder and high into the air.


    Great, just what I needed. Don''t I have enough on my plate?


    However, something happened that I did not expect, and that was her charging at the Blue Ogre, twirling the Kusarigama I used to tie her up like she was an expert. The Blue Ogre turned his attention towards her, opening fire, but she managed to deflect all the bullets with the rapid spinning of the chained weapon.


    I got to learn how to do that.


    Once she got close enough, she darted to the right, throwing the chain out and wrapping it around his leg, tripping him. I let out a cheer, but it was short lived. You see, as he was falling, the Blue Ogre never stopped firing his gun, and one of the bullets managed to hit Hiyori right in her stomach.


    "No!" I yelled out as Hiyori became see through. She vomited up a copious amount of blood before collapsing onto the pile of viscera behind her.


    I couldn''t believe it. Was Hiyori really¡­ I mean she couldn''t be, could she¡­


    I saw red, and I was barely cognizant of the System informing me of the Enraged Status I was under. Not like it would have changed what happened next.


    The cooldown for Shadow Strike ended, and I immediately teleported towards the ogre who was just starting to get to his feet. I appeared to his left, sword flashing out faster than ever, hitting his wrist and cutting off his hand.


    But I wasn''t done. His roars of agony only spurring on my bloodlust. I jumped towards him, grabbing my other sword and ripping it out of his body. As soon as I hit the ground again, I spun in an arc, using Power Slash with both swords, cutting into his stomach, freeing his guts from their fleshy prison.


    He did his best to hold them in, but his best wasn''t good enough. His precious Isabella hit the ground with a thud, along with his intestines, as he staggered backwards before collapsing on his back once more, moaning pitifully.


    I climbed on top of him, taking great pleasure in his cries of pain as I stomped on his stomach, unable to feel the pain of my own wounds as I did so. It was no less than he deserved.


    He tried to take a swing at me with his one good hand, but I blocked it using my left hand. He was far too weak at this point to be much of a threat. But that didn''t stop me from exacting my revenge.


    Using Power Slash once more, I cut off his other hand, his torment music to my ears. His arm slumped against the ground as the last of his strength left him. It was all he could do to keep breathing. But that wouldn''t last much longer.


    I walked up his body until I was staring him in the eye. He glared at me as much as he could, but his hate had nothing on the rage I felt. I raised my swords up, arms crossed over my chest and blades pointing towards the sky.


    "This is for Hiyori," I muttered, before using Power Slash for the last time. Both Zannkimaru''s hit true, slicing open his neck and spraying me with blood once more. The life drained from The Blue Ogre''s eye, but I couldn''t revel in my victory.


    I turned back to the still, unmoving form of Hiyori. I may have won the battle, but I lost the war.


    A pyrrhic victory at its finest.

 Chapter 24

    At the top of the Tower of the Ogre princess, a petite woman with chalk white skin stared at a screen, surprise written all over her face.


    "Well now, I certainly didn''t see that coming," she mentioned offhandedly. The scene she just witnessed was not one she ever expected to see. After all, who in their right mind could have foreseen that?


    A wet, squelching cough drew her attention away from the screen and to the woman who shared nearly every physical characteristic with her, chained to the wall. A smirk found its way on her face as she turned away from the screen and approached her bound doppelganger.


    She looked her prisoner up and down, noting the new red stains covering her white shirt. From her coughing no doubt. Her face was pale from blood loss and her body was wracked with pain as she took desperate gasps for air, her entire body shaking from the effort.


    The woman casually placed her index finger under the trapped woman''s chin, gently raising it up to look her in the eyes, which were one of the only differences between them.


    Her skin, her eyes, and her hair. Those were the only real contrasting elements that separated Hiyori from her Hollow. Besides her clothes, of course, but only so long as they were wearing them. Thankfully, at least to Hiyori, they still were.


    "Tell me Hiyori, was that painful? The two of you shared senses after all, so I imagine having a hole blown into your stomach must have hurt," she asked, licking her lips with an almost erotic look on her face.


    "F-fuck you," Hiyori stuttered out, spitting a glob of blood on her face. The Hollow frowned, wiping the offending substance from her cheek.


    "Honestly, what a rude little whore you are," she said, before her small fist found its way into Hiyori''s stomach. The blonde haired girl gagged, throwing up more blood than before, adding it to the ever growing pool beneath her. It wasn''t that the blow itself was overly powerful, it was more that it added to the phantom pain she was already feeling from the bullet eviscerating her intestines.


    Or her double''s intestines, at any rate.


    "But you know, I am surprised that one of my ogre''s would betray me in such a manner. That, I admit, I didn''t see coming. Tell me, was he that good of a kisser?" asked the Hollow with a coy smirk, making Hiyori''s face turn as red as a tomato. An impressive feat considering her lack of blood.


    "What the hell are you talking about! There''s no way I liked having that stupid baldy kiss me!" she shouted, embarrassed. Her Hollow only raised an eyebrow, sending a disbelieving look the girl''s way.


    "Is that so? I could have sworn I heard someone moaning while it was happening. Someone who wasn''t on screen. Must have been my imagination," the Hollow said with a mocking shrug.


    "You''re damn right it wa-hurk," Hiyori groaned, her face going from red to pale again in record time. Only this time, there was also an unhealthy amount of green that came with it. Her gagging drew the Hollow''s attention, as an excited grin lit up her face as she watched Hiyori attempt to hold in her vomit.


    "Is it time!?" she squealed, skipping up to the bound girl. She placed her hands under the other girl''s shirt, rubbing her smooth, flat stomach enthusiastically, the action getting an angry, "Hey!" from Hiyori. But other than the increased amount of squirming, she could do little else.


    "Oh, I can feel it! It''s about to hatch!" she said with a grin, making Hiyori pale even more.


    "What''s about to hatch!? What are you-argh-talking about?" she demanded. She remembered the bitch in currently fondling her forcing her to swallow something before, but the Hollow wouldn''t tell her what it was. She just gave a playful, "You''ll see," and that was it.


    "Don''t tell me it''s some kind of parasite?" she thought, as her stomach gurgled painfully, seemingly confirming it.


    "You''ll see," she said playfully, making Hiyori want to punch her in the face. She then heard a loud scream of pain and agony coming from the screen. The two looked up to see Ushio, kneeling over the body of a Shadow Ogre, fists raised to the sky as he belted out his frustrations.


    "Oh, looks like he discovered what happened. I don''t think he''s too happy about being catfished. He did seem pretty eager to stick his tongue down your throat. Think he''ll be mad at you?" asked the Hollow, giving Hiyori another condescending look, who blushed and looked away, "Like I care if that dumbass is upset with me."


    "Mmm, so shy. Is this what the kids call, tsundere? It''s rather adorable."


    "S-shut up!"


    "Honestly, no manners whatsoever. Well, let''s just watch shall we? I can''t wait to see what happens next."


    Back with Ushio.


    I stared at the form in front of me with an uncomprehending look on my face. No, it''s not that I didn''t comprehend it, it''s that I didn''t want to. I know it''s better than the alternative, but still.


    I made out with an ogre! Not just that, a male ogre! I knew it was a trap, I knew it, but why did it have to end up like this!? I checked for bulges and everything! Oh god his tongue was in my mouth all wet and wriggling! I''ll never be clean again!


    Hey there, you-pfft-you ok?


    "Now is not the time for laughter Sarah! Can''t you see I''ve been traumatized!? Now I''ll never be able to get married!" I shouted. Was I being a bit melodramatic? Yes, but you need to understand, I was violated.


    Turns out, Hiyori wasn''t Hiyori at all. She was actually the second Shadow Ogre Boss in disguise. How or why, I don''t know, and frankly, I don''t care. All that matters is that a sacred trust was broken, and I may never recover from this.


    Oh come on, it''s not that bad. And hey, you were apparently such a good kisser that he fell in love with you and betrayed whoever''s in charge, so that''s something, right?


    "No¡­ no it''s not. In fact, I actually think it makes it worse. I don''t know how, but it does," I commented, my voice lacking a certain something that signified I was alive. A zombie would have more life in him than I do right now.


    Come on, you can still rob-I mean, recycle their belongings. Would that make you feel better? A little bit of looting?


    I sniffed, rubbing the tears from my eyes. "I don''t know¡­ Maybe¡­" I said petulantly.


    Well what are you waiting for? Let''s see what goodies they were hiding.


    "Ok¡­" I agreed, placing my hand over the Shadow Ogre Boss.


    Would you like to loot the body of the Shadow Ogre Boss?


    [Yes] [No]


    Hitting yes, I watched as the body of that accursed creature disappeared. Good riddance, I hope you rot in hell. I mean, thanks for saving me and all, but still, fuck you!


    From the not so dearly departed I obtained two more pieces of the Silent One set, bringing my total up to 4. Just two more to go and I will have them all. The two I got this time were the torso and arm pieces. Wanting to see what they looked like, I Equipped them right away.


    The torso piece was black, sleeveless and form fitting. The chest area, back, and stomach were all reinforced with armored segments, providing extra protection without hindering my movement.


    Next were the arm guards. They were black, made of black steel etched to look like chainmail. and reached up to my elbow. Each one had three dull, silver metal pieces running up the length of it. The parts that covered my hand were fingerless, perfect for a self respecting edgelord ninja like myself, with a rectangular piece of silvered metal placed on the back of the hand.


    The part that was really cool about them was the claws inside the three metal pieces. Scared the crap out of me when they popped out, but after making sure I did not make boom-boom in my pants I properly admired them. They were bright silver and about a foot long, give or take, and they looked like I stole them from Wolverine.


    I doubted they were made of adamantium, but they looked cool all the same.


    Almost made me look like a real ninja, believe it! If only I wasn''t wearing a loincloth. That just made me look like a pervert. Made me feel like one too, but I really didn''t want to put on the wet and bloody pants!


    Actually, the loincloth was wet and bloody too after I opened up the big guy''s neck. Guess it didn''t really matter. Giving in to the ocd part of me that couldn''t stand the mishmashed aesthetic, I Equipped the pants, cringing at the feel. I get the feeling I''m going to have to get used to being covered in blood.


    I also noticed some weird slots on the pants for the first time. Six of them to be precise, three on each leg, going down the outer thighs. They looked like they were supposed to hold some knives. Or would they be kunai to go with the ninja motif?


    That being said, without the Bandit''s Vest on, I did feel a bit colder. Not much, thankfully, but it was still noticeable. With the Blue Ogre defeated and all the heaters running at full capacity, it wasn''t exactly freezing out anymore, just a wee bit nippy.


    Ignoring my diamond hard nipples, I continued to check my Loot. I got money, of course, along with a map for the second Shadow Ogre lair. This time it would actually be useful. Next was the key for the chest that was likely in their treasury, and the second half of the broken key.


    Looking at it in my Inventory screen, I wondered how I was supposed to fix it. I mean, I can''t exactly shove a broken key into a lock now, can I?


    Try clicking on it.


    Doing as the voice in my head suggested, hoping it didn''t get me into trouble this time, I clicked on one of the broken key halves, and a pop down menu appeared.


    [Inspect]


    [Discard]


    [Combine]


    I didn''t need to inspect it, as I already knew what it was and what it looked like, and I sure as shit didn''t want to toss it away, so that leaves only the completely obvious choice for me to pick.


    Clicking Combine, the Inventory screen darkened, with only the two halves of the broken key illuminated. Clicking the second one, a new screen appeared.


    Would you like to combine [Broken Key] with [Broken Key]?


    [Yes] [No]


    Hitting the yes button, because why the hell wouldn''t I, I watched as one key moved over to the other and a bright light engulfed the screen. Once it was done, there was a new Item for me to inspect.


    <u>Prison Key</u>


    A key to open a cell door in the secret prison beneath the Tower.


    Now just hold the damn phone a minute. A prison? Am I really going to have to go through a big ass prison too? That''s a bit much, don''t you think?


    Don''t get your panties in a bunch. The prison is more like a small county jail. Or at least, it''s supposed to be. I think¡­ I mean, I''m pretty sure that''s what the code said¡­


    "Your words do not fill me with confidence¡­" I stated blandly with an unimpressed look on my face. "But I do wonder who they have prisoner? Hiyori? I guess that would make sense. I rescue her from the bottom and we climb the tower together and kick everybody''s ass. Sounds pretty romantic actually," I said, thinking to myself.


    That''s your idea of romance¡­ Good thing you like tomboys I guess¡­


    "Oh come on, how is that not romantic? I save her from a jail cell and we climb a tower full of vicious enemies, beating everyone in our path before taking out the final boss together. Textbook romance!"


    I think you''re reading the wrong textbook. But it''s good to see you''re over the ogre thing at least.


    "What ogre thing? I have no idea what you''re talking about."


    You know what I mean.


    "..."


    ¡­


    "...?"


    Stop acting like you don''t know what I''m talking about!


    "I don''t know what you''re talking about!"


    Liar! You know exactly what I''m talking about!


    "I do not! I have no recollection of any ogre or their tongue!"


    I never mentioned a tongue¡­


    "..."


    ¡­


    "...It''s a beautiful night, don''t you think?"


    Hah, I knew it! You do remember!


    "I''m sorry, did you say something?"


    You are not Kakashi!


    "Just let me have this!"


    After bickering with Sarah for a bit, and not remembering anything that happened with any ogre of any kind, I collected my Kusarigama that somehow wound up all the way over here before walking over to the other ogre I have yet to collect my rightful rewards from.


    Would you like to loot the body of the Blue Ogre?


    [Yes] [No]


    Why yes, yes I would. His body disappeared and I started to read what goodies he left behind. It better be something good for all the trouble he caused me. Nearly froze my damn balls off in this place.


    The first thing was the Blue Orb, which completed the set. I was half expecting it to give me a map leading to the Blue Orb or something. That seems to be how my luck usually turns out, but it seems like I wasn''t getting fucked with at the moment.


    Unauthorized content usage: if you discover this narrative on Amazon, report the violation.


    Next was money, which was always appreciated. If nothing else, this venture proved to be fairly lucrative. I gained over 20,000 Yen from the whole thing, and I wasn''t even done yet.


    Next was a Moderate Healing Potion. Shockingly enough, I didn''t need one this entire district, though that was mostly due to the heaters helping me recover. After that was another Ring of Resistance, this one for the cold. Not the best, but at least it was consistent. They may be worth upgrading though, get that sweet, sweet immunity.


    Oh, hello there, Head Captain Yamamoto. Oh what''s that? Fire? Hah, your silly little flames have no effect on me, for I am immune!


    Um, yeah¡­ about that¡­


    "Stop bursting my bubbles Sarah!"


    The Secret Key was next, and just like I thought earlier, this big blue jackass did have the key to the Shadow Ogre Lair. Well at least I can properly rob them all now.


    After that came the Crystal of Power, this one increased my Intelligence by 5. I quickly used it, practically feeling the wrinkles forming in my smooth brain as my Intelligence rose to 20.


    Look ma, I''m average!


    However, as good as making my brain bigger was, the next items are what really caught my attention. So much so I nearly wept with joy. Turns out nearly getting frostbite was worth it after all.


    <u>The Debate Ender </u><u> </u>(Rare)


    A .44 magnum, double action revolver with an 8" barrel. If you find yourself having an argument you can''t win with words alone, just whip out this bad boy. You''ll win 9 out of 10 times! Be careful though, that recoil is a bitch.


    -Damage 1,500


    -Ammunition 6/6


    -Durability 12/12


    Upgradeable


    <u>Gun Holster</u>  (Uncommon)


    A belt made to hold the Debate Ender. Made of sturdy leather, this is a cowboys best friend. Along with a gun, this belt also holds an additional 12 rounds of ammunition. An indispensable item for the up and coming gunslinger.


    -Ammunition 0/12


    -Durability 18/18


    Upgradeable


    I pulled the gun out and just stared at it. It was heavy, which you would expect from a large gun made of solid steel, and had a luminous silver sheen to it, not a mark to be seen on her.


    But don''t worry, daddy will break you in real soon.


    The handle was made of a black, rubberized material that was actually rather comfortable. Made for an excellent grip. The 8" barrel had 4 vents along the top for reasons I''m not well versed in, but it looked cool, which was the most important thing about a gun. The whole thing resembled a Colt Anaconda if I was honest.


    Even holding it, I still can''t believe it. I actually got a hold of a .44. I just¡­ the words won''t come. I''m just so happy! And that damage! Holy crap. I don''t see many things posing much of a threat in this place, not anymore. Especially since I can summon Shadow with one of these bad boys.


    Too bad the belt didn''t come fully stocked, but oh well. Hopefully in the future I can roll up with a full belt of fuck you, but for now, I''m more than happy with my plunder. Not to mention that without any ammunition, it definitely wasn''t better than my Girdle of the Great Giant, which upped my Strength by 20.


    But with that, I have received the last of the loot from the Blue Ogre. Now, I must away to rob the Shadow Ogres of all their worldly possessions.


    Try not to make out with any this time!


    "Damn it Sarah!"


    Before making my way to the Shadow Ogres Lair, I decided to make a quick pit stop at ye olde heater to recover my everything. It also gave me the perfect opportunity to check out my Stats, since I, you know, gained a Level and everything, bringing me to 10. After placing my 2 points into Spirit, this is what I''m looking at.


    <u>Stats</u>


    Level: 10 (75/1,200)


    Health: 1,178/1,178


    Stamina: 670/670


    Reiryoku: 822/822


    Strength: 61 (109) {129}


    Agility: 22 (70) {92}


    Vitality: 38 (86)


    Intelligence: 15


    Wisdom: 25


    Spirit: 48


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 0


    Lookin real good here. Real sexy. But with me making it to Level 10, I also got another Perk Point. There were several I wanted, but I wonder if it would be better to save them up and get some of the more powerful ones.


    Like one that upgraded my Inventory. Not only would it expand how much I could hold and the size of what I could put in, it would also allow me to open my Inventory anywhere within 100 feet of me, and that just sounded boss as hell.


    "Ushio, use Rockslide!"


    And I could do it too. Just open up my Inventory way above them and drop it like it''s hot. And by it, I mean a shit ton of big ass rocks. That barely even scratches the surface of the tactical advantages it would give me.


    But there was also one called Weapon Master that would allow me to use my Street Fighter Skill in conjunction with basically any weapon, which I currently couldn''t do. Not only that, but it would give me a basic understanding of how to properly use them. Right now I''m just using my superior strength and speed to give me the edge, cause I have no goddamn clue how to use those things the right way.


    Kind of surprised I haven''t smacked myself in the balls while spinning the Kusarigama around, but maybe I shouldn''t look that gift horse in the mouth.


    The last one that caught my attention was one called Quick Change, which would allow me to swap my physical body with my spiritual one without leaving what might be confused as a dead body behind. No idea where my body would go exactly, but it sounds better than dealing with a Mod Soul.


    If only they didn''t cost 2 points each. But seeing as I was still in imminent danger and nearly ready for the final stage of this Dungeon, maybe I should bite the bullet and buy one anyway. Like Inner Strength, which increased my Spirit by my Level, effectively giving me plus ten to my Strength, Agility, and Stamina.


    Both have merits, waiting or spending, but I''m leaning towards waiting to get a more powerful one. Not that improving my Stats was a bad choice, but I''ve made more than enough decisions based on my fear of not surviving. I can''t continue that way.


    Plus, if I need it I can always spend it later. Nodding my head at my decision, I watched as my Hp, Stamina, and Reiryoku finally maxed out.


    "Well, time to get to work," I said with a sigh. I stood up and wiped the mud off my bloody pants. A bit pointless, but it made me feel at least a little cleaner.


    I casually made my way back to the Shadow Ogre Lair entrance. No point in running and wasting my energy if I don''t have to. I stood in front of the massive metal doors with a smirk, placing the key inside.


    "Knock, knock. Is anybody home?" I said as I opened the doors and walked inside. The second lair looked like a cave, with small lights strung up on the ceiling providing a dim glow to guide my way.


    I wonder if there''s a Darkvision Perk. That would be nice for my budding career as a ninja.


    This time I also had a Map right from the get go, so I could see exactly where I''m supposed to go. These little bastards can''t hide their treasure from me.


    The entrance opened up to a somewhat wide area, the lights above creating distracting shadows along the walls and stalagmites. My hand went to my sword, ready to attack at the slightest provocation.


    After making my way to the center of the room, a silhouette shifted to my right and I heard the sound of something cutting through the air. Consider me provoked.


    Zannkimaru flashed through the air as I activated Deflect, a metallic clang ringing out. Looking down, I saw a kunai laying innocently on the ground, like it didn''t just try and impale me. But I wasn''t deceived.


    I looked to where the kunai came from, noticing another movement in the gloomy light. I raced towards it, swiping another kunai out of the air. Once I got close enough, I could see the Shadow Ogre properly as it went for the Kusarigama dangling on his side.


    "Too late," I said, sword singing through the air. I hit his arm and for a second, it looked like nothing happened. That is, until a line appeared where I hit, and the lower half of his arm fell to the ground.


    He roared in pain, clutching the stumpy remains of his appendage. I grabbed him by the mouth, silencing him. "Shh, you''ll wake up the neighbors," I whispered to him, before taking my sword and sliding it across his neck. I stepped away before the blood coud exit his mouth, stealing his Kusarigama as I did so.


    That makes three!


    He died choking on his own blood, clutching at the wound I inflicted. But I doubted that nobody heard him screaming, and figured it was only a matter of time until someone came along to investigate. Guess I need to work on my assassination skills.


    Well, no time like the present! I left the body there for his buddies to find before taking Samantha out of my Inventory as well as a barrel of sake. I left the alcohol near the body before walking a bit further away and hopping inside my girl.


    Now it was time to wait. Could I have charged in and taken them all out right, quick, and in a hurry? Probably, but where was the fun in that?


    It didn''t take very long before a trio of his coworkers appeared, with two of them hanging back, knives in their hands, ready to throw. Kind of weird that the Shadow Ogres from the last lair didn''t have any kunai or shuriken, but I guess this side has been more about ranged attacks.


    The first one approached carefully, tiptoeing closer without making a sound. That''s something else I need to learn, because my footsteps sounded like a lumberjack walking over broken glass.


    He stopped in front of the body, kneeling down to inspect it. Once he saw exactly what happened to his buddy, he let out a growl, saying something to the others in a language I didn''t understand.


    He then stood up and went to the barrel, opening it with trembling hands. He jerked the lid away, ready to flee should he need to. But when he saw what it was, he let out a confused grunt.


    He placed the lid back on, looking around in suspicion, before his eyes fell on Samantha. He made his way over to us, and as much as I hate the thought of another man''s hands all over my girl, it was a necessary sacrifice for the element of surprise.


    The other two goons made their way to the sake barrel somewhat excitedly, eager to wet their whistles and get shitfaced, like there wasn''t a dead body right next to them. Too bad I was about to crush all their hopes and dreams.


    The Shadow Ogre opened Samantha''s lid with far less worry the second time, which would prove to be his undoing. "Surprise!" I shouted when I could see his face clearly. He had just enough time to appear shocked before I reached out and yanked him inside the barrel, jabbing him in the throat with the blades on my gauntlets. I then pulled it out and stabbed him repeatedly, making sure there was no way he would survive the encounter.


    I let go and pushed him away, hoping to keep some of the blood out of Samantha. I''ll clean you up later, I promise, but right now, daddy has work to do.


    Not sure if I should call myself that after being inside of her¡­


    The ogre staggered back, making gagging noises as he did so. My shout attracted the other two''s attention, and they stared flummoxed as their leader fell over and convulsed on the ground before dying.


    That''s when I made my grand entrance, jumping high into the air. I wish I could have shouted, "Dynamic Entry!" but alas, I was in no position to kick them.


    Next time.


    But what I could do is throw a rock in an asshole''s face, so that''s exactly what I did. The ogre made a squealing noise as his nose shattered. The third one looked over at his friend in shock for a moment before returning his attention to be.


    Or tried to, at any rate. Because I was nowhere to be found. But where could I have gone?


    "Over here!" I shouted from behind him as my sword cut through the air and then his legs. Have I mentioned how much I love Shadow Strike?


    He didn''t have long to suffer at least, as I twisted my body around and cut off his head with a Power Slash.


    And then there was one.


    The ogre with the now crooked nose recovered just in time to see me decapitate his friend. His eyes widened in fear as I slowly turned to face him, a savage grin on my blood soaked face. Mostly for fun, as the effects that made me more bloodthirsty were no more.


    I then charged at him, placing my sword back in the inventory for now. I wanted to play with my new claws. He thought about running, I could see it in his eyes, but I wouldn''t give him the chance.


    He tried to throw a kunai at me, but it turns out I can deflect them with my claws. Pretty neat, huh? I guess any bladed weapon counted. Time to go all Wolverine on his ass.


    I leapt at him, claws extended, piercing into his chest. Six, foot long pieces of steel in your lungs couldn''t feel good, and judging by the desperate, ragged breaths he made, I was right. I yanked the claws out before retracting them back into the gauntlet, allowing all of the blood to enter his lungs.


    His Hp quickly fell to 0 and the light left his eyes. He was dead. That makes four now, I wonder how many are left? Guess I''ll just have to find out the old fashioned way.


    After looting the bodies and putting my stuff back, I made my way further into the lair, summoning Shadow as I did. No reason to save resources at the moment when I know the boss is already dead. Besides, he deserves to have some fun after getting pwned like he did, though I couldn''t remember how exactly. My mind went blank trying to think about it.


    No homo!


    "Well that was random. Honestly Sarah, try having some class," I chastised, and I''m sure if she was able she would be rolling her eyes at me.


    Anyway, the two of us, Shadow and me, walked into the next area, which was far bigger than the previous one. But I didn''t have long to contemplate it as another kunai came whizzing towards me. I deflected it, staring out into the dark room, counting around 10 figures watching me, though it was hard to tell for sure.


    "You ready Shadow?" I asked, looking at him from the corner of my eye. He adopted an aggressive stance, and I swear he looked eager.


    That''s my boy!


    "Then let''s do this!" I shouted, as we charged into the fray once more.


    *Line Break*


    You know, I thought fighting the remaining Shadow Ogres would be the hard part of their lair, but as it turns out, the real challenge was finding the treasure. Sure, the room itself was marked, but I couldn''t for the life of me find the damn chest.


    "Where are you, you son of a bitch!" I shouted. I didn''t have to worry about enemies as me and Shadow killed them all. I did have to worry about traps, but overall, they weren''t too hard to deal with.


    There was one that would have dropped me into a hole filled with snakes. I might not be afraid of them like Indiana Jones, but that was still a big nope from me.


    I wandered around the lair, thinking there must be some kind of secret entrance to the room that wasn''t listed on the map. I hate it when games do that. I mean, I killed all the bad guys and everything, the least you could do was give me the damn treasure without making a bitch about it.


    If they thought, whoever they are, that this would be enough to stop me, they have another thing coming! I''m not leaving here without my loot!


    10 minutes later¡­


    "Where the hell is it!"


    20 minutes later¡­


    "Olly-Olly oxen bitch!"


    30 minutes later¡­


    "Are you serious! I''ve been up and down this place three times already! Why can''t I find this damn thing!?"


    Sixty minutes. It took me sixty whole freaking minutes to find the entrance. And of course when I did, I felt really stupid. Because that''s always how it works, isn''t it?


    The entrance was above me, with a small ledge on the outside to enter from. But that wasn''t the part that tripped me up, because I''ve looked up, down and all around this place.


    The part that got me was the optical illusion they used to hide it. The actual entrance was behind a rock, but everything looked the damn same, it was almost impossible to tell it was an opening and not a solid wall.


    Sneaky bastards! It was like that one wall in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door. That damn thing took me forever to find!


    But once I did I was home free. I could finally get my much deserved treasure. I''ve already robbed them of all their booze, so there was no way I was going to leave the job half finished. There was also the Quest I have yet to complete, Secrets in the Shadows.


    -Quest-


    <u>Secrets in the Shadows</u>


    You have found a secret Dungeon within a Dungeon. You know what that means! Show them who the real Dungeon Master is!


    <u>Rewards</u>


    -500 Exp


    -3,000 Yen


    -Elite Shadow Operative Gear


    I assume the Elite Shadow Operative Gear was a piece of the Silent One set, and there was no way in hell I was leaving that behind!


    I made my way through the secret entrance until I finally found the hidden room. Looking on the map, it was right where the treasure room was. I let out a deep breath as I calmed myself down.


    I shoved the key, gently mind you, into the lock. If this was like the last chest, then I did not want to set off a bomb. The chest opened, and I gleefully robbed them of everything.


    First was a set of potions, all minor, one for each of Health, Stamina and Reiryoku. Second was 2,500 Yen, which I pocketed greedily. And last but not least, the scroll.


    Secret Scroll of the First Shadow


    A scroll containing the secret technique, Substitution.


    Would you like to learn the Secret Technique: Substitution?


    [Yes] [No]


    I hit yes, of course, and the scroll unraveled, the letters glowing a faint gold color, peeling off the scroll and flying around the room before they forced themselves into me. It was just freaky, not gonna lie.


    But I now had another ninja technique to add to my arsenal. One more, and I could become a Genin!


    <u>Substitution </u> (Rank *)


    A technique that allows the user to switch with an object stored in the Inventory to avoid damage. The item will look like a log. The use can then appear anywhere within a 25 foot radius of where the Substitution took place. Be careful, if no item is selected to be used for this technique, then a random item will be selected instead. Items used for Substitution are destroyed.


    Cost: 25 Reiryoku


    Cooldown: 60 seconds


    Not the most ideal restrictions, but I can see the tactical use for it. Not to mention my Inventory is already full of rocks, so that shouldn''t be a problem.


    But with that I also completed that Quest. Like I thought, the gear I received was definitely for the Silent One, the headpiece specifically. It covered my beautiful bad head completely, and it had a dull, silver forehead protector shaped like an eagle. Looking at myself in the Equipment page I had to admit, I looked pretty badass.


    I can also confirm the slots in the pants were indeed for kunai. I now had six deadly knives I could whip out in a moment''s notice. I did manage to figure out how to throw them as well, getting a Skill called Shurikenjutsu.


    <u>Shurikenjutsu</u> (4/100)


    The ability to accurately throw small, bladed weapons. Higher levels increase accuracy and damage.


    -Increase accuracy by 4%


    -Increase damage by 2%


    I may have been having a little bit of fun with it, robbing them for their kunai and then throwing them at them while they ran for their lives. Too bad they didn''t do much damage, but that did allow me to increase the Level a good bit.


    It was the complete opposite of the magnum. I summoned a second Shadow Double with the gun just to see what it did to the last Shadow Ogre and let''s just say, the results were completely as expected.


    In other words, his head exploded. And boy was it loud!


    Beyond that, I also made it to Level 11. I didn''t expect that, but I''ll take it! With nothing left to do I left the lair and headed for the heater to get myself to full. After that, I made my way back to where this whole thing started.


    I looked up at the looming tower in the twilight sun. I took a moment to settle my nerves, breathing in and out deeply, eyes closed. This is it. Time to end this whole thing and save that little psycho.


    Are you ready for this?


    My eyes snapped open with a determined glint to them. "Yep. Let''s do this."


    I took the orbs out of my Inventory and placed them in the slots, which were inside the mouths of large metal ogre sculptures, one on each door. The eyes of the ogres lit up with the same color as the orbs before a question appeared before me.


    Would you like to enter the Tower of the Ogre Princess?


    [Yes] [No]


    I hit yes, and the doors started to grind open.


    Finally, it was time to end this.

 Chapter 25

    <u>Midlight Guardian</u>


    Level: 20


    Age: 80


    Health: 4,000/4,000


    Stamina: 2,075/2,075


    Reiryoku: 1,750/1,750


    Description: One of the most deadly creatures to exist, it was born from the sperm of Jormungandr. Its venom is potent enough to melt solid stone and can spit it from a great distance. No one has been bitten by one of these and lived to tell the tale. Its scales are hard enough to turn away a dragon''s claws. If threatened, it releases a toxic miasma from its mouth. It is recommended that anyone encountering this creature should flee on sight.


    "Sarah?" I asked, a hint of bland wonder in my tone.


    Yes? How may I help you?


    "Tell me, what the hell is that?" I asked, indicating the enormous monster in front of me, looking like I was about to be a midnight snack.


    That? Well if my eyes don''t deceive me, I believe that is a really big fucking snake.


    "Oh I see. One more question."


    Of course. I''m more than happy to answer any and all questions you might have.


    "Great. Let''s see, how do I phrase this, um¡­ What the fuck is it doing down here!?"


    How should I know!? It''s probably guarding the cell!


    Ugh, great¡­ just what I needed. Looking at the truly monstrous beast, I could only lament my fate. It was easily 100 feet long and thick enough to swallow a hippo in one gulp. The scales in the thing were a luminescent black, shimmering beneath the spotlight overhead. Six, yes you heard that correctly, eyes glared down at me as it flicked its tongue.


    The room I was in was massive and made completely out of stone, which made sense considering it needed to house this big fucker. The ceiling was probably 200 feet tall and the diameter of the room was at least twice that. At least it gave me plenty of room to run for my life.


    However, for as big as the room was, there wasn''t much in it besides my new trauma. Is this because I didn''t fall into the snake pit in the Shadow Ogre lair? I kinda feel like that''s the reason. Like someone really wanted me to fall in it and when I didn''t they thought, "I''ll show that big fucker!" and here we are.


    It''s not paranoia when you know someone is out to get you.


    The only other thing of note inside this room was the large jail cell on the other side. I assumed that''s what I needed the Cell Key for. Now I just need to get by this guy and Bob''s your uncle.


    Easier said than done.


    But you might be wondering, "Ushio, how did you find yourself in such a predicament?" Well, let me tell you. It all started once I entered the Tower of the Ogre Princess.


    The bottom floor was surprisingly nice and looked like a fancy hotel lobby. I don''t know what I was expecting, but I do know that wasn''t it. On the left side was a counter and everything, but there was no one behind it. On the other side was a very nice waiting area with a comfy looking black leather couch along with a wooden coffee table and a couple of chairs that matched the couch.


    But you know what they say, looks can be deceiving. Just because they looked comfortable, doesn''t mean they are. First I Scanned them.


    <u>Plush Couch </u> (Uncommon)


    A comfortable couch made of black, faux leather. Good enough to sleep on if you find yourself in the doghouse.


    -Durability 13/13


    Upgradeable


    <u>Plush Chair </u> (Uncommon)


    A comfortable chair made of black, faux leather. Perfect for reading.


    -Durability 14/14


    Upgradeable


    <u>Wooden Coffee Table </u> (Common)


    A table made out of oak.


    -Durability 15/15


    Upgradeable


    With that done, I decided to sit my firm and muscular backside right on that thing, and the description did not lie, it was comfortable. Not so much that I would ever choose to sleep on it, however, but I could see myself relaxing on it.


    That''s when I started to think, my house doesn''t have anywhere to sit does it? The more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of having somewhere besides my bed to take a load off. After all, it''s pretty sad to have nowhere to put my feet up after a hard day''s work. That''s when I came up with a brilliant idea.


    I stole it. The couch, the chairs, the table, everything. You know what they say, what''s yours is mine and what''s mine is also mine. I doubted Hiyori would mind too much, I mean, how often did she even come here to relax? Not often I bet. They would get much better use in my apartment.


    It was at that point I started looking for anything else I could spruce up my place with. Honestly, there wasn''t much, but there was one thing I liked. A painting. And not just any painting, oh no! It was a painting of Hiyori''s Hollow, which looked just like her I might add, wearing a provocatively small and tight red dress, sitting with her legs crossed and a saucy smirk on her lips.


    Thinking about how great that would look on my wall, I stole that too. Basically, if it wasn''t nailed down, I could take it. However, it was at this point I remembered all the nice things that were in the houses from the other districts and I started to bash my head against the wall.


    I could have stolen it! A fridge, a stove, a hot water heater; hell, I could have gotten it all and the kitchen sink! Maybe I''ll have some time after I save Hiyori to run back and rob them?


    Fingers crossed.


    But as I was bashing my head against the wall, lamenting my lack of foresight to rob the ogres blind, I did remember what I was doing here, namely, looking for the entrance to the jail.


    So that''s what I did. I know it was supposed to be below the tower, so it wouldn''t make sense for it to be on a higher floor, these bastards just probably hid it. Well, if they thought they could keep something from me, they had another thing coming.


    Several minutes went by and I was starting to get frustrated. It seemed that no matter where I looked I couldn''t find the stupid entrance. There was only one more place to look, and that was behind the counter.


    Which, thinking about it now, should have been the first place I looked. I mean, just think of movies. How often is there a secret switch hidden under the counter?


    Every time. Literally every single time.


    So I dashed over there, searching for the door to my destiny. Oh, and the prison entrance. I got down on all fours and looked beneath that well polished counter and you know what I found?


    A button, bright and red, just laying there mocking me. He could have informed me at any time of his whereabouts but chose to remain silent. The nerve of some inanimate objects, am I right?


    Pushing the inconspicuous little thing, while hoping it wasn''t an alarm of some kind, a noise from behind me caught my attention. The decorative wall, which was made out of some kind of wood and carved with images of koi fish jumping out of a pond, split from the middle and slid open, half of it going right, the other half going left.


    Intrigued, I sallied forth, entering the deep, dark abyss, unknowing of what fate had in store for me. Down and down I went, deeper into the crust of the earth. I had no idea how long I''d been walking, but even as my legs ached from the distance, I never stopped.


    Finally, after what seemed like ages, I finally reached the bottom. In front of me was another door, this one with a large, brass ogre head snarling at me. As if I could be intimidated by such a thing.


    Also I was tired and pissed from the trek down here, so there was no way I was going back up there empty handed. However, as I went to open the door, I found myself stymied once again, for you see, they pulled another dastardly trick on me, and locked the door.


    The fiends!


    Left with no other choice, because kicking the thing only hurt my foot, I began my arduous journey back to the front entrance. Though it was long and fraught with leg cramps, I eventually made my way back to the top, feeling like a certain panda trying to learn kung fu.


    "Where could they have hidden the key?" I wondered, before my eyes fell upon the drawers in the counter. Wasting no time, I bravely opened each one, uncaring of the potential danger they possessed. If they were booby trapped, then so be it.


    But they weren''t and I found it on the third try. "Huzzah!" I cheered in jubilation, before taking out the chair I stole from my Inventory and sitting down for a bit, resting my legs.


    Once I was recovered, I made my way back into the abyss. Once I reached the bottom, I stared at my oldest foe, a locked door, with victory in my eyes. I would not be defeated this time, for I have his only weakness.


    A key!


    I inserted the key into the lock, expecting to hear the tell tale signs of a lock being undone. But to my utter horror, the key refused to budge. No, it couldn''t be¡­ I stared at the snarling ogre, whose face looked far more like a grin now, as a deep, mocking laughter echoed around me.


    I fell to my knees in despair. I had the wrong key!


    Just kidding. I Scanned that bitch the moment I found it. No way in hell was I making that trip again. I probably would have tried to blow it up with the booby trapped treasure chest from the second Shadow Ogre Lair.


    The genuine version of this novel can be found on another site. Support the author by reading it there.


    Luckily I didn''t have to try and the door slid right open.


    And that brings me to where I am now, staring at a giant ass snake who looked like it wanted to introduce me to vore. But jokes on him, not only would I taste terrible, but I also come with a staggering amount of indigestion.


    "So, any ideas?" I asked Sarah, staring at the horrifying monstrosity in front of me. I saw a special once, about the world''s largest known snake, the Titanoboa, and it made me very glad the dinosaurs were good and dead.


    And yet, here I am, facing down the leftover remains of a god''s wanking session.


    Um, aim for his eyes?


    "That''s¡­ actually not bad, thank you," I said. I watched as the colossal serpent rose up, preparing itself to strike. I rolled my shoulders, preparing for the hardest fight I''ve had yet.


    "Alright you ugly ass worm, let''s do this!" I roared, charging towards the snake.


    One epic anime fight later


    I did it! I beat that big ugly mother fucker! It was close, and had to be one of the top ten greatest fights of all time, but here I stand, figuratively, the victor.


    I was currently sprawled out on my back, taking in massive breaths of air. That fight had been utterly exhausting. It would have been real easy if the damn thing didn''t have so much damage reduction. Made the magnum damn near worthless.


    Actually, that''s not true. The Debate Ender put in work, doing nearly half of its Hp in damage. But that was with all six shots! What should have been 9,000 damage was reduced to 1,800.


    Fuck that sucked. But at least they were all shot by Shadow and not me, so I still had a full cylinder, or at least I did. Hopefully I''ll be able to see this bad boy with all its sexy damage output, and not be reduced by some bullshit snake!


    Eventually I realized that though its scales were nearly impenetrable, its soft and squishy insides were not. I used a substitution in combination with the treasure bomb, which did not make him happy.


    Then I pulled a Harry Potter and stabbed the bitch in the roof of his mouth before whipping out my .44 and ending the debate once and for all. It only took two shots before he went down.


    And good riddance.


    But there was an unfortunate side effect to copying a character whose only redeeming quality is his enormous amounts of plot armor.


    You have been Poisoned


    Time remaining: 45:00


    That''s right, I''m Poisoned. Big shocker, I know. And while I may not have a phoenix to save me, I do have an antidote. So I quickly grabbed that bitch out of my Inventory and chugged it like it was a Red Bull.


    It might not have given me wings, but I''m not Poisoned at the very least. That being said, my Hp was disturbingly low, so I also grabbed my Moderate Health Potion and downed that as well. I now had nearly 700 Hp. I could drink my other health Potion, but I decided to hold onto it for now.


    Beyond that, I was pretty much good to go. Sure my Stamina and Reiryoku weren''t in tip top shape, but they weren''t that bad. So now it was time to see what Mr. Snake over here has in his wallet.


    I stood up and made my way over to the enormous corpse. Damn he was a big mother fucker. Wonder how many snakeskin boots I can get out of him?


    Would you like to loot the body of the Midlight Guardian?


    [Yes] [No]


    Hitting yes, I watched in satisfaction as it disappeared in particles of light. Now let''s see what goodies I got, shall we? First up we have¡­


    <u>Midlight Serpent Shard (</u> Rare)


    A crystallized fragment of power belonging to an extremely powerful foe. By combining 10 of them, you can create what is known as the Serpensoul, a mysterious artifact that allows you to summon your very own Midlight Guardian.


    Ooh, now isn''t that neat. At first I was a humble barbarian, content to go through life punching assholes in the face. Then I became a ninja, a stealthy assassin who stabbed assholes in the face. And now, I can evolve into a summoner, who brings out a big ass snake to bite assholes in the face.


    It''s all coming together now. My evolution reaching its apex.


    <u>Great Fang (</u> Rare)


    A fang dropped by a mighty serpent, still dripping with a potent venom.


    Can be used in crafting.


    Ok, I assume that would make either something that granted Poison Resistance or granted a Poison attack of its own. I really need to find a blacksmith. And not just because I want to go around poisoning my enemies, but because my weapons were also getting pretty beat up. Between deflecting bullets from a Minigun and trying to stab a big ass snake, their Durability was pretty much shot to hell. Hopefully they lasted for the rest of the dungeon at least.


    <u>Thick Scale (</u> Uncommon)


    A thick scale dropped by a mighty beast. It has great defensive properties.


    Can be used in crafting.


    Ok cool, more things to make other things with, I''ll take it.


    <u>Serpent Blade (</u> Rare)


    A heavy spear forged to appear like the tongue of a snake. Not only that, the metal itself has been imbued with venom, giving each strike the potential to Poison an opponent.


    -Attack 75


    -Durability 15/15


    -Chance of Poison per attack: 2%


    -Requires 50 Strength to wield


    -Special Ability: Venomous Strike


    <u>Venomous Strike</u>


    By concentrating your Reiryoku into the blade, it guarantees the next strike you land will Poison the foe.


    -Cost 50 Reiryoku


    -Cooldown: 3 minutes


    Upgradeable


    And we have a winner folks! Just when I was beginning to worry about my precious babies breaking in the coming conflict I find a new son. Pulling the Serpent Blade from the Inventory, I admired the large spear.


    First off, it was bigger than me, at around 7 feet tall give or take, and had a good amount of heft to it. No wimps would be able to wield this bad boy. Guess that''s why it requires 50 Strength to use properly. Luckily, I have Strength in spades.


    The blade portion of the spear was indeed shaped just like a snake''s tongue, about a foot long with it forking out at the tip and the edge being wavy. The blade looked like it was coming out of the mouth of a snake as well, with an intricate, golden viper head carving.


    The wood portion was colored a dark green, and the back end of it was topped with a large, metal cap that looked like it could cause brain damage if I hit somebody with it.


    I''ll find that out later, I''m sure.


    I began to twirl the thing around, practicing with it for a bit. I''ve never used a spear before, so I wanted to get a feel for the weapon before I tried using it in battle. After playing with it for a little bit, I stopped, satisfied that I wasn''t likely to stab myself with it anytime soon.


    The last things I received from the snake was 2,000 Yen and a whopping 1,000 Exp. Damn, with that I was almost to the next level.


    So, you ready to see what that key unlocks?


    "Gah! Sarah, you scared me! Don''t sneak up on me like that," I said, nearly dropping my new toy.


    How am I supposed to sneak up on you?


    "I don''t know, but you did. Anyway, to answer your question, yes, I do believe it''s time we see just who they have prisoner down here," I said, practically feeling her roll her eyes at me.


    I turned my gaze towards the only other thing in this room, that being the cell. I did feel a wee bit nervous, not knowing what to expect. I have an idea of who''s behind there; what I don''t have a clue about is what they''re like.


    Only one way to find out I guess.


    Walking over to that overly large cell, I was surprised to see a petite figure chained to the wall, her arms shackled above her head. She was dressed all in black, or damn near, in what looked like leather. Now that immediately caught my attention.


    A hot chick in leather chained to a wall¡­ Was it my birthday?


    Ushio, focus!


    Right, right. Anyway, she wore a large pair of boots that went up to her mid shin, with wool or fur capping the top. A large white rabbit head decorated each pair. Hang on, was that Chappy, the rabbit Rukia was obsessed with? Not sure that fits with the rest of the aesthetic, but who was I to judge?


    Her pants were, as I said, leather, clinging to her like they were a size too small. Her right leg was bare, showing off her smooth, toned leg, while the other went all the way down into her boot, with a skull and crossbones decorating the outer thigh.


    Her midriff was completely bare as well, showcasing her flat, toned six pack. It wasn''t the sort you grate cheese on, but damn was it sexy! Her modest bust was covered by a leather jacket, with it being opened somewhat giving him just the barest view of her breasts.


    She also had on fingerless leather gloves, one that had spikes along the wrist. Her hair was black, and fairly short, stylized into pigtails, very similar to Hiyori. On top of her head was what appeared to be a police hat of some kind, with her pigtails coming out of the side of it.


    Kind of ironic when you think about it. A girl wearing a police hat, chained up in a dungeon.


    "So, are you going to say something or just ogle me all day?" she said, making me jump. I gave her a sheepish look, rubbing the back of my head in embarrassment.


    "Oh, right, sorry about that. I just wasn''t expecting¡­ well¡­"


    "A hot piece of ass like me? Yeah, I get it," she said, with a shrug, giving him a cocky smirk.


    "Yeah, something like that. Anyway, I''m Ushio. Mind telling me your name?" I asked, getting a raised brow from her.


    "So your Ushio, huh? Didn''t recognize you with that getup you got on. Alright then, I''m Kubikiri Orochi. Nice to meet you. I''d shake your hand, big guy, but I''m a little tied up at the moment," she joked, rattling her chains.


    "So you are her Zanpakuto¡­" I muttered, giving the woman a curious look. She definitely wasn''t what I was expecting, but I''m sure as hell not complaining. I also wasn''t going to question how she knew me, figuring that as she''s basically part of Hiyori''s soul, she must know everything Hiyori knows.


    "You know what I am huh? Good, that saves us some time. Listen stud, I need out of here so I can save that stubborn bitch, and I''ll do anything to get out of here, you get me? Anything," she said, spreading her legs, letting me know exactly what was on the table.


    That being said¡­


    "No thanks," I said, making her blink at me uncomprehendingly.


    -5 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (-5/100)


    "What the hell you bald bastard! A hottie like me offers herself to you mind, body and soul and you reject her!? Don''t tell me you swing the other way?" she questioned, growling at me while closing her legs.


    "Don''t get the wrong idea here. If you want to fuck, I''m all down for that. But not because you owe me. If we make the beast with two backs, it''ll be because you want to, not because you feel obligated due to some debt," I said, making her eyes widen in surprise.


    Gain 10 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (5/100)


    "Well, I''ll be. So you''re a gentleman huh? Didn''t expect that after the way you were gropin'' the bitch earlier. Fine, I''ll give you the chance to woo me out of my pants. Getting me out of here would be a good start," she said, rattling the chains again. I chuckled at her attitude, finding it somewhat refreshing.


    "You got it. One rescue comin right up," I said, puffing out my chest. I grabbed the key from my Inventory, getting a curious look from her, though she didn''t say anything, before using it to unlock the door. It swung open with a deep squeak, and I stepped inside, making my way over to the trapped girl.


    Keys disappear after use, so I couldn''t use that to free her, and I don''t have anything else that will work. Well, wanton violence it is!


    "Alright, don''t move," I told her, grabbing my new spear and walking to the side of her. Taking careful aim as to not maim the new hottie, I swung my blade, striking the chain and freeing one of her arms. It did a number on my blade, reducing its durability by one, but it was worth it.


    I repeated the process on the other side, freeing the sword spirit from her prison. "Man that feels better. Thanks a lot, big guy," she said, massaging her wrists. I held my hand out to her to help her up, one she gladly took.


    Once she was standing, she looked me up and down, a contemplative look on her face. She was a bit taller than Hiyori, the top of her head reaching around my chin. Just a bit too tall to be called fun sized.


    "You know, that outfit looks pretty good on you. But mind taking off that mask of yours? Just for a sec," she asked, a suspicious gleam in her eyes. I hesitated for a moment before doing as she said.


    Once my face was once more exposed to the air, she gave me a smirk. "Much better. Now I can do this," she said, before grabbing me by my suit and forcing me down to her level. The next thing I knew, I had a pair of very soft lips pressed against my own.


    Not only that, but there was also a dainty little hand squeezing my crotch. My eyes widened, unsure of what was going on or what reality even was anymore. The kiss and grope didn''t last very long, a few seconds at most, before it was over.


    Gain 10 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (15/100)


    Kubikiri Orochi backed away, licking her lips and giving me a saucy wink, and for the first time I noticed her vibrant purple eyes, pupils slitted like a snake. "That was for saving me. Now, let''s get out of this dump already," she said, walking away with a sway to her hips.


    Not gonna lie, she might have looked even better from the back than the front. However, there was something odd that I didn''t notice before. She has a tail. And not just any tail, it was a pure, white snake, and I''m pretty it just winked at me.


    Oh, I like her.


    "You would," I mumbled to myself. That being said, I liked her too. Her and that fabulously, bubbly ass she was currently taunting me with.


    As I exited the cell, following the booty, I felt a sudden pain in my stomach. I groaned, stopping to hold it, wondering where it came from. Honestly, I''ve been having some stomach pain for a while now. It''s why I didn''t eat any of the food at the second Shadow Ogre Lair.


    "Hey, you alright there stud?" Kubikiri asked, stopping to give me a concerned look. I waved her off, feeling the pain ebb away.


    "Yeah, I''m fine. It''s just my stomach. Probably something I ate."


    "Right. Well, just so we''re clear, if you shit yourself, I will not suck your dick. I don''t care how big it is," she said, crossing her arms over her chest. My eyes widened at that, fear coursing through my veins like never before.


    "Where''s the nearest bathroom!" I shouted in panic.


    "At the top of the tower," she responded.


    "Shit¡­" I mumbled.


    "That''s what I''m afraid of," was her response.


    I now have another reason to end this as quickly as I possibly could. With renewed determination welling up from deep within my soul, I grabbed Kubikiri by the hand, running towards the exit.


    "What are we waiting for! Let''s go!"

 Chapter 26

    "Oh god, my legs¡­ Why did the jail have to be so damn far underground" I wheezed as we made it back up the tortuous staircase. The damn thing was like a mile long. Why? Seriously, the fuck!?


    I did get a point of Vitality from the ordeal, but for some reason I felt like it was mocking me. Of course, the sexy Zanpakuto Spirit was none the worse for wear, looking as fresh as a daisy.


    "We need to work on your stamina, big guy. Otherwise you''ll never be able to keep up," she said, with one hand on her hip. I glared at her, while she just returned it with a cocky look. I know damn well what she meant by that, but I''ll have the last laugh, you''ll see.


    "Whatever. We''ll see if you still think that after I fuck you bowlegged," I said, making her smirk even more. "Promises, promises."


    Gain 1 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (16/100)


    Guess she likes that dirty talk. Good to know. But while I wait for my lungs to recover, I decide to ask her a question. "So, mind telling me just what in the hell is going on here? I mean, how did Hiyori get possessed by her Hollow?"


    Kubikiri sighed, hopping up on the desk, crossing her legs as she stared me down. "It all started when that prick Kisuke told her and the rest of the Visoreds about a new Hollow that he suspected Aizen made. Though I guess you don''t know about him," she said, making me shrug in response.


    Not like I could tell her I knew almost everything there is to know about Aizen, because that would also be a lie. Like, I don''t know his shoe size, or what his internet search history looks like. I know he''s a prick who likely buys the extra small condoms, and that''s all I need to know.


    "Right, not important now anyway. Once they learned about that, they decided to do some investigating, and wouldn''t you know it, the shrimp is the lucky one who found the damn thing. She left her Gigai in pursuit, and it looked like she was about to kill it when some kind of¡­ bulbous sack on its back exploded in her face, distracting her long enough for it to get away. That''s when things started to change," she said, her face stern as she recounted the tale. Her snake tail hissing from the memory.


    "Whatever was in that pus filled sack gave the Hollow more power, allowing her to imprison me and alter shorty''s inner world. After that, it was only a matter of time before she went after Hiyori herself, and that''s pretty much it," she finished.


    So, whatever was in that sack increased the power of the Hollow? Great, as if things weren''t bad enough. But I can''t help but wonder what it could be. Guess I''ll find out sooner or later.


    Once I recovered my breath, it was time for the two of us to make our way up the tower. I wasn''t too worried about it, considering how strong she was. I mean, just take a look!


    Name: Kubikiri Orochi


    Age: 160


    Level: 36 (Suppressed)


    Health: 1,966/1,966


    Stamina: 1,345/1,345


    Reiryoku: 1,493/1,493


    Description: The Zanpakuto Spirit of Hiyori Sarugaki. She''s more level headed than her counterpart, though her anger is just as explosive when it is roused. She gets along marginally well with Hiyori, though the lack of achieving a Bankai frustrates her. She''s not afraid to speak her mind or go after what she wants, which can come across as gruff. Deep down, she cares for her stubborn owner and only wants the best for her.


    See what I mean! And that''s with her being suppressed, which effectively cuts all her physical Stats and Spirit in half. It''s just not fair that a 5 foot girl is stronger than me.


    Once I fully recovered, the two of us made our way to the stairs leading up the tower. They were surprisingly wide, but thankfully barren of enemies to stall our progress. That all changed when we reached the first floor.


    The room itself was large, probably 300 feet in diameter, with a 50 foot ceiling. The floors were a glossy wood, while the walls were painted to look like a blue sky with fluffy white clouds.


    Weird taste in style aside, it seems like we were finally being greeted by someone. Talk about shitty customer service. And I do believe the amount of employees they sent was more than a bit excessive.


    Twenty Red Ogre''s Lackeys, and ten Snowmen Ogres. Now, if I were all on my lonesome, this may have been a problem, but thankfully, I have a brand new, sexy ally.


    They didn''t stand a chance.


    What would have been a mildly challenging battle turned into a one sided slaughter. She turned the floor into a slasher''s wet dream, with blood and body parts covering damn near every inch of this place. It was somewhat mesmerizing to watch.


    Which caused an unfortunate incident. But before I get to that embarrassing little detail, let me first regale you with my own achievements during this battle. I''d hate for you to think I was idle during the fight, leaving Kubikiri to take care of everything.


    For example, when one of the green ogres leapt at me, I skewered him with my fancy shmancy new spear. I then used his flailing, dying body as a shield to block several arrows that looked to give me a new hole.


    I''ve already had one of those put into me, I don''t need another, thank you very much.


    They smacked into the green ogre, making him go limp. After that I threw him into the horde of ogres attacking me, bowling them over.


    Strike!


    After that, I managed to get a critical Deflect, sending the arrow right into the crotch of one of the downed ogres, making him let out a high pitched squeal of agony.


    Not gonna lie, I felt a bit bad about that one. I made sure to end his misery as quickly as I could. Once he was good and dead, I used Substitution to avoid another arrow, reappearing amongst a crowd of green ogres, swinging my spear in a circle while using Power Slash, removing the heads of five of them.


    I felt real good about that one. However, it was at this point I became distracted. But in my defense, a hot girl in extremely tight leather, swinging around a massive sword with a face splitting grin on her face is distracting.


    But the part that really got me wasn''t her pert and perky backside, straining to stay contained in her pants, but rather the thing above it, namely, her tail. That thing was deadly as hell. It currently had an ogre in its jaws, strangling the life out of it. Once it was done, it gave me either a saucy look while licking its lips, or a hungry one, not sure.


    So distracted by this, I never noticed the Snowman Ogre aiming his bow at me. But I did feel a sudden sharp, searing pain in my ass.


    -42 Hp


    "Ah, shit! What the fuck!" I yelled, turning to look behind me, only to see an arrow shaft sticking out of my ass.


    "My ass! My firm and supple ass, you bastard!" I shouted, using Power Throw to chuck my spear at the grinning ogre, impaling him against the wall. Unfortunately, the satisfaction I felt was hampered greatly by the utter humiliation of having something long and hard penetrating my backside.


    "Hey Ushio, I didn''t know you had a tail as well!" Kubikiri laughed, casually cutting an ogre''s legs off before stomping on his head.


    "That''s not funny, Kiri!" I shouted back, wincing in pain as I delivered a haymaker to an approaching ogre. The rest of the fight isn''t worth mentioning, as the few that were left died pretty quickly. The whole battle took less than 3 minutes. It would have been over sooner, but Kubikiri kept looking over to me, or more specifically, the arrow sticking out of my ass, and bursting into giggles.


    However, once they were all dead, it was time to address the elephant in the room, one named my ass.


    "Alright, hold still, let''s get that thing out of ya, big guy," Kubikiri said as she approached me. I sighed, placing both hands against the wall, bracing myself for the pain that was about to happen.


    "Be gentle, it''s my first time," I told her, looking back with big, fearful eyes. She snorted in amusement before grabbing the shaft with both hands, making me wince from the slight movement.


    "Here we go, one¡­ two¡­"


    "Ah, what happened to three!" I shouted, grabbing at the painful throbbing in my ass. I looked behind me, seeing Kubikiri smirking at me, wiggling the arrow shaft in her hand.


    "Just be glad it wasn''t the other side," she said, tossing the arrow behind her.


    "If it was, would you have kissed it better," I asked, making her quirk an eyebrow at me.


    "I''ll leave that up to your imagination. Give you something to think about tonight," she said with a grin, turning away from me and sashaying away with an exaggerated sway to her hips. Damn her, she knows exactly what that bubbly ass does to me.


    With a sigh I started to loot the bodies, gaining several clubs, soiled underwear, money, and enough Exp to gain a level. So not everything was a total bust. Kubikiri watched all this with a curious expression, but abstained from commenting.


    Once I properly looted the assholes, taking great pleasure in doing so with the man who shot me in the ass, it was time to head to the next floor. I grabbed my spear, spinning it around for a bit, before meeting up with Kubikiri and heading up the next flight of stairs.


    I was keeping my eye out for anything that would look good in my apartment, but so far, there hasn''t been much I could steal. Really hoping I could head back out into the districts and rob them before I left.


    The next floor was definitely a step up from its predecessor. There were about 15 Shadow Ogres, all waiting with Kusarigamas. Not only that, but there were also two Shadow Ogre Bosses there as well.


    "Well¡­ fuck me," I said, looking our at the sea of snarling faces. One of those guys was bad enough, but two was just mean. Actually, make that four, because they both just used True Double.


    "Maybe later. Right now we have a fight to win," Kubikiri commented.


    It started off like you might expect, with the bosses using Shadow Strike to get behind me in an instant. As their blades sought to cut me into thirds, I used good old Substitution to avoid the attack. Now I could have appeared behind the bosses, but I felt like it was a good idea to take out the small fry first.


    I came out of the substitution several feet above a clueless ogre, using Power Slash to cut him in half, from brains to balls. Those around him let out startled yelps as my spear shot out, cutting into them. It wasn''t enough to kill them right away, but it did do a good amount of damage.


    The battle went on for a while, nearly 10 minutes this time. There were a few close calls, like when several of the Shadow Ogres bound me with their chains, but swapping to Zannkimaru real quick let me Shadow Strike my way to safety.


    Things were made a bit more difficult by the fact that the walls, floor, and ceiling were all black, making the shadowy bastards harder to see. I may have accidentally ran into one or two of them.


    Kubikiri was showing off her skills by handling both of the bosses while I dealt with the weaker ones and the Duplicates. I was a bit disappointed when she killed one before I could swipe his sword from him, and made sure to steal the second one before he could die.


    How did I do that you ask? I tackled him when he least expected it, broke his arm in two, and shoved it into m Inventory. It''s really too bad stealing things from people while they know you''re doing it doesn''t raise the Level of Steal.


    Anyway, it wasn''t much longer until Kubikiri removed his head. And that takes care of that. I got another Zannkimaru, 3 more Heavy Kusarigamas, 1 more Shadow Ogre Loincloth, and last but not least, a Level, bringing my total up to 12.


    Honestly, this whole tower thing is pretty much a breeze. Kinda makes me wish I had a party function of some kind.


    Good idea. Adding it to the patch list.


    Sweet. Maybe next time I can invite Tatsuki into one of these things and we can wreak untold devastation on the innocent inhabitants. Then, as we stare upon our defeated foes, we come together and make sweet passionate love.


    Ok, seriously, I''m going to need you to read some different books on romance.


    She just didn''t get it. Doesn''t matter. What does matter is there is only one floor left to go, and I have a sneaking suspicion who''s going to be waiting for me. So in preparation, I Equipped The Debate Ender and prepared to use True Double.


    The two of us made our way up the winding stairway, and I can safely say I''ll be looking forward to no more goddamn stairs. Not only were they a killer on my legs, but they were wreaking havoc on my poor, abused ass.


    Literally the worst time to be working on my glutes. But before too long, we made it, staring at the final entrance. A large pair of double doors being the only things blocking our way forward, and I swear to all that is holy, if these fucking things are locked, I''ll burn this tower to the ground.


    "So, you ready?" she asked, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at the door. I gave her a confident grin, "Damn right. Let''s do this!"


    "Now that''s what I like to hear!" she said with a grin of her own, right before smacking me in the ass. Now normally, I wouldn''t mind such a thing. Hell, I actively encourage it. But it seems someone forgot about my little predicament.


    -10 Hp


    "Ah, son of a bitch!" I shouted, feeling more horrible pain in my rump. I grabbed onto the doors with one hand while holding my ass with the other, turning to level a glare at the sheepish looking sword spirit.


    "Whoops, my bad. Uh, hang on¡­ here," she said, placing her hands on the opposite wall, shaking her shapely backside in my direction. "Go ahead and give it a good slap, make us even."


    Did she think I wouldn''t do it? Judging by the cocky smirk she was giving me, that was the only conclusion I could reach. Well, I''ll show her! I walked over to her, ignoring the throbbing pain in my own ass in favor of enacting sweet revenge.


    I paced my left hand on her waist to hold her steady smirking at the way she gave a little jump at that. She still had a confident grin on her face, but there was also an eager nervousness in her expression.


    She definitely expected me to back out like some kind of blushing virgin. Well, jokes on her. No way in hell am I turning down an opportunity to spank that glorious ass of hers. I leaned down across her body, placing my lips next to her ear.


    "Ready Kiri?" I whispered, a deep, husky tenor reverberating from my chest. I felt her shiver beneath me, looking back at me, her arrogant smile tinged with need.


    "Are you just going to tease me? Come on, show me how much of a man you really are," she demanded, shaking her ass once more. I grinned, standing back up, staring down at my prize.


    "Alright, if you insist. Time for your punishment."


    With that said I raised my hand up high, bringing it down on her tight little ass. A loud smack rang out, and I watched with some amount of amazement as her cheeks rippled from the impact. From the right to the left and back again, like people doing the wave at a ballgame.


    It was almost hypnotic.


    Kubikiri let out a moan, biting her lower lip. I could hear her panting, and the pants I wore suddenly felt way too tight.


    "Damn, didn''t think you''d actually have the balls to do that," she mentioned, standing up. Her face was flushed as she turned to look at me, and I could see the want for more in her vibrant, amethyst eyes.


    Gain 3 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (19/100)


    "Please. You had your hand all up on my junk earlier. You know I have balls to spare," I said, standing there with my own cocky grin. She smirked at me, looking right at my privates while licking her lips.


    "You''re not wrong. But now that we''re even, I guess we should be moving on," she said, making my eyes widen. She then walked right by me, giving my son a little pat as she did so. I could only stare straight ahead, a feeling of despair welling up from within me.


    "Seriously, that''s it! How am I supposed to fight like this!?" I shouted, making the annoying tease in front of me turn around and give me an innocent look, like she wasn''t the reason for my current predicament.


    "I''m sure you''ll figure something out. Now come on, no point in staying here," she said. How did this happen? Wasn''t she the one who was supposed to be getting punished? So why am I the one left with blue balls?


    "Sarah¡­"


    Um, yeah?


    "Life can be really cruel sometimes, can''t it?"


    *Snicker*


    Yep, it certainly can be. But I''m sure you can get through this.


    "Damn it¡­ If I don''t get laid soon, my balls are going to explode," I complained, ignoring the way Sarah giggled at me.


    "Hey, what''s taking you so long?" Kubikiri asked, standing in front of the door.


    "Someone decided to tease me and all the blood in my body went south for the winter," I responded, making her chuckle at me. Troublesome woman.


    After calming down, which Kubikiri did not help me with, it was time to enter the final arena. As we opened the door, I saw exactly what I expected to see waiting for us, tweedle dee and tweedle dum.


    Otherwise known as the Red and Blue Ogres. They roared out a challenge, seemingly eager to exact revenge for our defeat of their buddies down below. Their levels were both at twenty, making them a good bit stronger than their previous counterparts.


    "Looks like we''re in for a rough fight this time," Kubikiri mentioned. But seeing as I, with my 20 Intelligence, pieced together who we would be fighting on this floor, enacted my brilliant plan to defeat them.


    "Yeah, no," I said, summoning Shadow, whipping out my magnum, and unloading in those mother fuckers. Each one took 3 shots, but unlike the snake asshole, they didn''t have an exorbitant amount of defense to stymy my precious. They went down faster than a snitch in a mob film.


    "And that takes care of that," I said, feeling satisfied. Kubikiri though looked about as disappointed as I did after smacking her ass. Guess I''m not the only one getting blue balled.


    Vengeance, baby!


    Anyway, with them good and dead it was time to loot the bodies. I didn''t get anything really remarkable, but I did get 2 .44 shells from the Blue Ogre, bringing my total to three, and from the Red Ogre I actually got some explosive rounds for the gun. Three of them to be precise. They altered the gun''s damage, bringing it down to 500, but the massive explosion they caused made up for it.


    I hope. I''m sure I''ll find out sooner rather than later


    Beyond that, I got another crystal of power from each of them, The first one for my Wisdom, bringing it up to 30, and the second for my Agility, making it 27. Though with my Spirit and Equipment, my total Agility was now over 100, making me literally superhumanly fast.


    But with them dead, there was nothing else stopping us from progressing to the final level. This was it, one last hurrah before I can finally leave this goddamn dungeon. Seriously, it feels like I''ve been here for months.


    As we walked up the stairs, I couldn''t stop the feeling of apprehension coursing through my veins. I wasn''t sure what to expect at the top, but knowing that prick Aizen was involved in some way did not fill me with confidence.


    Before long, the two of us were standing right in front of the final doors. Or perhaps I should say three of us, because I have yet to get rid of Shadow. The wood on the double doors had a shiny red tint to it, like they were recently lacquered, with two ornately carved ogres on either side. One with a Minigun, and one with a flamethrower.


    "This is it. You ready? Once we open these doors, there''s no turning back," Kubikiri said, giving me a stern look.


    "Can I smack your ass again for good luck?" I asked, getting a snort of amusement from her.


    "Tell you what, we win this, and you can do whatever you want to my ass," she said.


    "Deal! No take backs!" I damn near shouted. Don''t judge me. If you knew what that ass felt like, you''d be desperate and horny too. It also served to break the tension we were feeling, so there''s that.


    I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, releasing the last bit of my nerves as I exhaled. There wasn''t much else I could do to prepare. It was now or never, time to finish this once and for all.


    My eyes snapped open, "Let''s do this."


    Both of us pushed open one of the doors, which barely made a sound as we did, before walking inside. The room itself was smaller than the ones before it, but there also seemed to be other doors that led to who knows where. A bedroom I imagine, and of course, the elusive bathroom.


    Shockingly, my stomach hasn''t bothered me much on our journey up here. Hopefully, whatever bug I had passed and I wouldn''t shit myself and ruin my chances of a bj. And considering her snake motif, I assume she gave some great head, no gag reflex.


    I''ll find that out later.


    But for now, I''m just a tad bit distracted by the decor. Namely, one sexy little midget dangling from some chains on the wall. Not exactly the piece of modern art I would have chosen, but I can see its appeal.


    I mean, almost. She was pretty beaten up looking, with blood staining her clothes and coating the ground. She was also pale and sweaty, breaths coming out in frog-like croaks. It was more than a little concerning.


    Now if she were hale and hearty wearing a slave Leia outfit, we''d have a proper discussion piece. But as it were, the sight of her in such a pitiful state made me furious. Sure she tried to cut me in half with a chainsaw, but that was mostly due to her Inner Hollow taking over.


    Speaking of¡­


    "So, it seems you have managed to reach me. I''m honestly impressed," the Hollow stated, swiveling form behind a chair like some kind of two-bit bond villain. All she needed was a cat.


    She looked just like her picture, the one I stole and have safely tucked away in my Inventory. Minus the sexy dress of course.


    "Hollow, I think it''s past time you released Hiyori, don''t you think?" Kubikiri stated. Or more like, demanded really. The teasing tone she''s been using with me all but gone, replaced by genuine worry and rage.


    "Oh, but why? She makes for the perfect art piece, don''t you agree? Really ties the whole room together," the Hollow returned, a smug smile playing at her lips.


    "You¡­" ground out Kubikiri, but I held my hand in front of her, stopping her from flying off the handle. Ever since entering, I''ve felt a bit off, and seeing her reaction confirmed it for me.


    The rage effect, the one produced by the Red Ogre, was in full swing.


    "Don''t, she''s just trying to rile you up. Don''t let her get to you," I said. She glared at me, and for a moment, I thought she would attack me in her fury. But thankfully, she managed to calm down just in time.


    Gain 1 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (20/100)


    "Thanks, you''re right. I can''t let this bitch get to me," she said. It looked like some kind of red mist left her body once she relaxed. Must have been the rage aura.


    The Hollow pouted, looking like we just ruined her birthday party. "Aw, phooey, you''re no fun. Oh well¡­" she said, getting up from the chair. She cracked her neck as she approached, her eyes shining brightly with the promise of pain as she dragged a massive cleaver behind her, one that was a carbon copy of the one Kubikiri was holding.


    Good a time as any to Scan her. Probably should have been doing that from the beginning, but seeing the feisty Hiyori in such a state distracted me, and the thought didn''t even cross my mind.


    "So, which one of you wants to die first?" she asked, looking at us with what one could consider a pleasant smile. But I knew better. Behind that smile was a psychotic bitch who wanted to turn my inside into my outsides.


    "You think you can take us both on?" I asked, trying to sound more confident than I felt. But with Kubikiri suppressed and Hollow Hiyori boosted by whatever the hell Aizen did, it wasn''t looking good. I''d know how screwed we really are once the Scan completes.


    "Think? Oh no, you''ve got it all wrong you thick slab of beef you. I know I can defeat the both of you. The only real question is, how long will it take?" she returned in a smug tone. Oh what I wouldn''t give to wipe it from her face. But I can''t let her words get to me.


    "We''ll see about that," I said, holding my spear at the ready, hoping she didn''t hear the waver in my voice. Before we entered this room, I drank all the potions I could to try and bring me to as close to max as I could. My Hp and Stamina weren''t bad, but my Reiryoku was lower than I''d like. As useful as Shadow was, he was a costly little shit.


    I figured it was best to save what I could so I can Parry her attacks or use Substitute when I could. I had to play this battle smart or I was a dead man. Beside me, Kubikiri and Shadow also prepared for battle. Even though it was 3v1, I didn''t feel very confident about our odds.


    But Hollow Hiyori merely giggled, like she just heard a great joke, taking a single step forward. Shadow immediately raised the blick, firing off his last magnum round. Hollow Hiyori simply raised her sword, using it to block the shot, redirecting towards me.


    I panicked, immediately using Deflect to avoid having a hole blown into my chest. Unfortunately, after doing so I immediately found the Hollow right up in my face, ready to cut me in two.


    Shit, she must have used Flash Step! Or wait, she was a Hollow, so wouldn''t that be Sonido? Fuck, didn''t matter either way. What matters is that I was about to die.


    Or not.


    As she swung her sword, I used Substitution to appear behind her, swinging my blade down, using Power Slash and Venom Strike at the same time. Unfortunately for me, it seemed like she anticipated this, using Sonido to escape.


    Only to find Kubikiri right on her tail, singing her own giant ass word at the Hollow. The two blades met with a vicious clang. Kiri snarled at the Hollow, who only smirked in response.


    "Ushio, get Hiyori and get out of here, now!" she shouted.


    "What!? I''m not leaving you!" I shouted. It wasn''t only because I have yet to tap that fabulous ass of hers, but the thought of abandoning a comrade left a bitter taste in my mouth.


    And I don''t like the taste of bitter.


    "Damn it, don''t argue! Just do it! Trust me!" she yelled back. I clenched my fist around the shaft of my spear, meeting Kubikiri''s gaze. There was a resignation there that I didn''t like, but there was also determination. So, even though I didn''t like it, I gave her a nod, getting a relieved smile in return.


    "Aw, aren''t you two just adorable? But don''t think it''s a little rude to make plans right in front of me like that? I should really teach you some manners," Hollow Hiyori stated, using her superior strength to send Kubikiri flying.


    Stolen novel; please report.


    She then appeared right in front of me using Sonido once again, but this time I was ready. I Parried her attack, though unlike the ogres, her weapon didn''t go flying up like theirs, the gap in our Strength was simply too much.


    Still, I tried to strike out at her, but she just laughed as she blocked my attack, almost like it was child''s play. I growled at her mocking smile, as she used the barest amount of effort to fight me.


    And here I thought fighting the giant snake was a bitch. This was infuriating on a completely different level.


    "Aw, what''s wrong? Are those muscles just for show?" she asked in a condescending tone. Our weapons locked against each other, and I was quickly becoming overpowered. She was forcing me to my knees, and no matter how much I struggled, I couldn''t push back.


    Shadow leapt in and tried to help, the claws of his gauntlet extended. Now that he was out of bullets, it was his only real weapon. The Hollow smirked, not even bothering to block, her Hierro being too thick for him to pierce.


    But even so, he was just enough of a distraction for me to escape. Instead of pushing against her attack, I pulled back, using the tooth of the blade my spear was caught in to drag the surprised Hollow back with me. As my back hit the floor, I kicked her away behind me. It didn''t do a lick of damage, and she righted herself in midair, but it did get me out of the danger zone.


    "Thanks buddy," I panted, glaring at the still smirking Hollow. Just when it looked like she was about to engage me once again, Kubikiri appeared in a Flash Step, bringing her sword down on the Hollow head. She blocked it, of course, the force of the blow cracking the ground beneath them.


    "Now, now, be a good girl and wait your turn," the Hollow said, twisting her body and kicking Kubikiri away. The sword spirit growled like a wild animal, sounding like an angry snake. The two then began fighting once more, their blades sending shockwaves throughout the room.


    "And that''s my cue," I said, Sprinting towards Hiyori. I wasted no time in cutting her down, though now my spear''s durability wasn''t looking the best either. I caught her as she fell, feeling a sense of deja vu as I did so.


    "Hey¡­ you''re not another ogre, are you?" I asked, looking at her with suspicion. But there''s no way that would happen twice, am I right?


    ¡­Please let me be right.


    I picked her up bridal style, running towards the doors we came in through. If I can just get her down to the next floor, maybe I can find some way to fix her up and we can back up Kubikiri.


    Too bad I don''t have any more health potions, but maybe I can bullshit my way into learning a healing Kido? It was worth a shot.


    I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the sounds of battle behind me, as Shadow and I made it out of the room. Now all I had to do was make it down the goddamn stairs again, and we were good.


    Fuck I was tired of stairs.


    But that didn''t stop me from running down them, two steps at a time. Once we made it to the last room, I sighed, placing her on the floor. She was so pale, her breathing so shallow, it looked like she was an inch away from death.


    "Alright, you better not die on me, got it? And you better not be some horny ogre in disguise either. Now let''s see, how to heal you¡­" I said. I double checked my Inventory, just to make sure, but as I suspected, there was nothing I could use to heal her.


    "Maybe a Perk? One that would let me learn Healing Kido faster? Or just turn my Spirit Energy itself into a healing energy?" I thought.


    There is one that would allow that, but you don''t have enough points.


    "Damn it, of course not," I grumbled, checking her Status. She was very low on Health, but there was also something else. Her Status had a ? attached to it. So that means she has some kind of Status effect that I don''t know about? Or is one that''s not in the current Patch of the game?


    Fucking fantastic.


    Alright then, Plan A it is. Let''s try and cure the violent, loli tomboy by haphazardly experimenting on her using my Reiryoku. I''m sure nothing can go wrong, right? Luckily, I''ve more or less figured out how it works, thanks to having Abilities that use it. Let me feel just how it flowed through my body. It was kind of cheating, but I didn''t really give a fuck at the moment.


    I looked up as a particularly loud crash caused the ceiling to shake, small bits of dust falling towards the ground. "Sounds like things are getting heated. I better figure this out fast," I mutter, turning back to the still form of Hiyori.


    Placing my hands on the sweaty, pale form of the blonde spitfire beneath me, I tried to feel the Reiryoku within my body. Once I did, I directed it as best I could towards Hiyori, visualizing her recovering from whatever mystery malady she was under.


    "Come on, come on," I mumbled, trying my best to ignore the continued shaking of the tower. I could feel the Spirit Energy leaving me and entering Hiyori''s petite body, but she wasn''t getting any better. Hell, it looked like she was getting worse, and that''s the exact opposite of what I want.


    I imagined wounds closing, fevers ceasing, and her breathing normal, but nothing. I was growing frustrated and impatient. What was I doing wrong? Skill and Abilities showed up through repetitive uses, normally, but they should manifest due to my will as well.


    Keep trying. You can do it.


    Hearing her encouragement, I started to think about it in a different way. While thinking of how her wounds would be mended was probably the right way to go, there was something missing as well. Looking down at my hands, they were covered in a blue aura, my Reiryoku.


    That made sense, as that seemed to be the standard, more or less, of Reiryoku. And if that''s the case, what color was healing Reiryoku? The only color that came to mind was green, though that might just be from Naruto.


    Fuck it, better than nothing. Thinking of healing and the color green, the blue aura gradually shifted. Slowly, almost agonizingly so, it changed form a dark, blue color, to a light green one.


    Through sheer determination and willpower, you have created the Ability: Healing Hands.


    <u>Healing Hands </u> (Rank *)


    By placing your hands on someone, you can use your Reiryoku to cure minor wounds and Ailments. The longer your hands are on the patient, the more Hp is recovered.


    -Recovers 50 Hp plus 1 Hp per second of contact


    -Heals Bleeding and Poison


    -Cost 100 Reiryoku plus 1 Reiryoku for every 3 seconds of contact


    Success! Hell yeah! I don''t know if it will cure whatever the hell is wrong with her, but it might just give her enough strength to fight it off on her own. Fingers crossed.


    I didn''t have much Reiryoku left, but it should be enough to get her Health back into the yellow at any rate. Like her Zanpakuto Spirit, she was also being suppressed, so her health was about half or what it normally would be.


    *Ding*


    Scan complete.


    Name: Hollow Hiyori


    Age: 101


    Level: 72


    Health: 6,350/6,430


    Stamina: 4,070/4,200


    Reiryoku: 4,710/4,870


    Description: A Hollow created due to the machinations of Sosuke Aizen. Unlike her rambunctious counterpart, Hiyori, this Hollow is far more calm and calculating, at least on the outside, but it doesn''t take much to spark her anger. She wishes to take control of Hiyori and be free, and due to gaining a mysterious powerup from another Hollow, she just might be able to do it.


    Well, that''s not what daddy wanted to see. Her power dwarfed all of ours. I''m pretty sure that the only reason we were still alive at the moment is that she''s young with us.


    Not good.


    "What¡­ the hell¡­ do you think¡­ you''re doing¡­ Baldy?" I heard from beneath me. I looked down, shocked to see the blonde terror, staring at me.


    "Hiyori! You''re awake. How are you feeling?" I asked. Her response was to glare at me, which, I mean, fair. It was kind of a stupid question.


    "How¡­ do you¡­ think? Dumbass¡­" she muttered, and I couldn''t help but chuckle.


    "Looks like you still have some fire left in you at the very least. Good, because I think we''re going to need your help to kick your Hollow''s tight little ass," I said. My statement seemed to be proven true by another tremor shaking the tower. I looked up worried, wondering how much longer she''d be able to hold it off.


    "You need¡­ to leave¡­ right now¡­" she wheezed out, making me look at her with surprise.


    "You''ve got to be kidding. I''m not leaving you after everything I went through. I had my first gay experience for you! So I''m not leaving until I see this through to the end, no matter where that end leads," I said, glaring at her. Her cheeks gained a bit of pink when I mentioned what happened between me and that ogre, but her eyes were filled with concern.


    Guess she does have a heart beneath those modest bumps on her chest.


    "Listen¡­ the Hollow¡­ did something¡­" she gasped out, making me quirk an eye.


    "Did something? Like, something kinky? Because now is not the time to distract me with that image," I said, making her glare at me, her cheeks even redder than before.


    "No¡­ you dumbass¡­ she-ah!"


    But whatever revelation she was about to tell was thwarted by her pain filled scream.


    "Hiyori! What''s wrong!?" I shouted, watching her writhe in agony, her eyes clenched shut. Under my hand, I could feel something¡­ moving, squirming beneath her skin. I pulled up her shirt, looking in in disgust as her skin rippled, like something was wiggling around inside her.


    "Shit, don''t tell me¡­" I mumbled. But before I could even think of doing something, a massive explosion rang out above me. Looking up, I saw a red beam of light burst through the ceiling, creating a massive hole. Wood and stone fell towards the ground, with a familiar figure falling with it.


    "Damn it!" I yelled, covering Hiyori''s body with my own, as pieces of debris fell all around us. Luckily, none of them seemed to hit us, thanks to Shadow who punched the shit out of big ass rock.


    The whole event lasted for several seconds. Coughing from the dust now filling the air, I leaned back, staring at the destruction all around me. Most of the tower''s structure was stone, beside the floors, so it made sense that most of the debris encircling me was stone, with large scraps of pointy wood.


    Looking up, I looked at the large hole in the ceiling, created by whatever technique they used. If I had to guess it was probably a Cero, though I have no way of proving this. It could be some unique ability of Kubikiri for all I know.


    Speaking of her, my mind wandered to the figure falling with the debris. It looked an awful lot like a certain sword spirit. Looking around, I managed to spot her laying on some rubble not far away.


    "Shit. Shadow, look after Hiyori for a minute," I commanded, getting a nod from my spectral double. Looking back down, Hiyori seemed to have passed out, but there wasn''t anything else I could do for her right now.


    I quickly ran towards Kubikiri, hopping over the destruction all around me. It didn''t take me long to reach her, and when I did, I couldn''t help but grimace at the sight. There was blood covering half of her face from a head wound, and her body was littered with numerous cuts and bruises, a combination of the fight and her fall no doubt.


    "Hey, Kiri, you alright? Say something," I ordered, using my newest Ability to start healing her. I had just over 300 Reiryoku left, so I needed to be careful, especially with how the fight was going. But stopping the bleeding and getting Kubikiri back on her feet seemed like the best option at the moment.


    She groaned, opening her eyes. The sudden influx of information causing her to wince in pain. "Ushio? The hell are you doing here?" she asked, once she realized it was me. I gave a sigh of relief, knowing that our best fighter wasn''t out of the game just yet.


    "Oh, well you know, this place has such lovely decor that I couldn''t help but stop and admire it," I said, getting a glare in return. "Ok, ok, geez. I was trying to heal Hiyori a bit when the whole damn ceiling came down on us. Don''t suppose you have an answer for that, do you?"


    She sighed, sitting up, with my help, my hands never leaving her body. Not because I was trying to feel her up or anything, honest! It''s just that my healing Ability requires me to touch them!


    And don''t think too hard about it.


    "The Hollow, what else. Damn, I can''t believe how much stronger she is. Whatever that thing did to her gave her one hell of a boost," she complained, holding her head in frustration and pain.


    "About that. I think I have an idea about what''s going on," I say, which got her attention.


    "Oh, you do huh?"


    "Yeah, see-"


    But my words would be cut off by the form of Shadow flying head first into a large chunk of rock beside us. If I didn''t know any better, I would swear I heard his neck snap. As it was, he was very much not alive anymore.


    "What the hell? Who-" but my words were once more cut off. This time because I was able to see exactly who had caused poor Shadow''s premature death. She had blonde hair, a small, but curvy body, wearing a white shirt and a red jumpsuit, and holding a big ass cleaver.


    "Hiyori?" I asked, as the two of us stared in disbelief. She was standing on top of one of the rock chunks, glaring down at us without any pupils visible, just the whites of her eyes.


    "God damn it, now what?" Kubikiri complained, not that I could blame her. We had enough on our plate without having to fight her as well.


    "Well, it seems like it''s finally taken control. She resisted a lot longer than I thought she would," stated a voice to our left. Looking over, we saw none other than Hollow Hiyori, sitting down on some rubble, looking at us with glee.


    "Taken control? What are you talking about? What have you done!?" shouted Kubikiri, looking like she wanted to rip the Hollow''s head off.


    Which she probably did.


    "It''s a parasite, isn''t it?" I asked, glaring at the Hollow. She seemed surprised that I knew that, as did Kiri, who gave me a confused look.


    "Oho, you figured it out. Impressive. I guess your head isn''t just full of meat after all," the Hollow said with a smirk. I would have bowed and made a smart ass comment, but I was currently preoccupied by healing Kubikiri as much as I could before the fighting started again.


    "Flattery will get you nowhere," I said, settling for only making a smart ass comment.


    "Pity. I suppose I''ll just have to settle for watching the woman you came to save kill you," she said. Hiyori let out a growl, bringing our attention back to her.


    The two of us stood up, getting ready to fight the real shorty this time, making sure to keep the Hollow in our peripherals. But she seemed content to watch the show play out, at least for now.


    "So, I don''t suppose there''s anything in your bag of tricks for this, is there?" she asked, ripping her sword out of the rubble and getting ready to fight. Her Hp had risen to about half, so she was in¡­ let''s call it decent shape.


    "As a matter of fact, I do," I said, in a smug tone, getting her to look at me in surprise. Yes, that''s it, bask in my glory, for I am a genius.


    "And what''s that?" Kubikiri asked, more than a little skeptical.


    "Just get a hold of her, I''ll do the rest," I stated with confidence. Kubikiri gave me a look, before grinning.


    "Alright big guy, whatever you say. But if you''re lying, I''m cutting off that thing between your legs. Got it?" she threatened, making me gulp, crossing my legs in fear.


    "Yes ma''am. Crystal clear ma''am!" I said, giving her a salute. But that was as far as we got before Hiyori launched her attack. She leapt towards us, blade raised above her head, ready to slice us in half.


    Or more specifically me, because that''s where she was aiming. I parried her attack using my spear, but even though she was weaker than her Hollow, it didn''t do much to throw her off balance. Hell, it threw me off balance more than it did her!


    Luckily, Kiri had my back, thrusting her own giant sword at Hiyori, who managed to kick the sword upwards. She then spun around, hoping to cut us both in half, but we both jumped into the air, avoiding the attack.


    "Take this!" I yelled, throwing my spear at her, making her jump back. I wasn''t exactly hoping to hit her, only distract her enough not to attack us while we were in the air. I then pulled out Zannkimaru, the one with the most Durability, and used Shadow Strike to appear behind her. My blade flashed out, hoping to strike her with the back of the sword and stun her long enough for Kiri to grab her.


    But that didn''t happen. Hiyori just blocked it with the palm of her hand, before delivering a spin kick to my side. I quickly used Substitution to dodge, appearing a ways away from her, switching out my sword for the Kusarigama, hoping to get her with Chain Trap.


    The chain wrapped around her arm. She gave it a glance before smiling at me, making me nervous. "Now I know what you might be thinking. Should I toss him around? And the answer may surprise-woah!" I shouted, as she did indeed use her greater strength to yank me towards her, sword pulled back and ready to cut me in half.


    However, as I approached, I took out one of the rocks from my Inventory and used Power Throw, aiming right for her face. She didn''t see that coming, and the rock hit her right in the forehead, making her stagger back, swinging her sword wildly in response.


    Without her pulling so hard and without her actively aiming the giant excuse for a sword at me, I was able to leap over it, trapping the chain in the teeth of the sword and using it to pin the oversized cleaver to the ground. "Now!" I shouted at Kiri, who had been looking for an opening.


    Kubikiri used Flash Step to appear next to the struggling Hiyori. It took all of my strength to keep the sword pinned down, but I was able to do it. And to think, the shorty was only using one of her arms.


    However, things were never as simple as we would like them to be. Hiyori wasn''t nearly as dumb as she looked, even while possessed by a tapeworm. She dropped her sword, which sent me tumbling off balance, aiming a punch at Kiri, who managed to duck under the punch, grabbing Hiyori''s extended arm and flipping her onto her back.


    Kiri then straddled the smaller girl, holding her hands above her head and using all of her strength to keep her pinned. If this were under different circumstances, it would be pretty hot. "Well, what are you waiting for!?" she yelled at me. Taking the hint, I Sprinted towards her, intent on giving Hiyori her just desserts.


    But once more Hiyori proved her resilience. She opened her mouth wide, confusing the two of us. That is until a bright red light began to gather at the back of her throat. Kubikiri''s eyes widened as she was forced to leap away, a small but deadly looking Cero erupting from the blonde''s mouth.


    "Shit!" Kiri cursed as she skidded backwards, coming to a stop near me.


    "What was that?" I asked. I know it was a Cero, but I didn''t think she''d be able to fire it without her Hollow powers.


    "The parasite. It used the Cero from inside her," Kiri answered. Well, that makes things a bit more complicated now, doesn''t it? But I didn''t have much time to consider the ramifications, as Hiyori launched another attack, jumping into the air and spinning around vertically until she resembled a buzzsaw.


    Kiri and I both leapt out of the way as she struck the ground, creating a massive split in the floor, one that stretched nearly the entirety of the room. "Holy shit¡­ That''s some power she''s got," I muttered, thinking about how over my head I am. But it''s not like I can just give up now, can I?


    I watched as Kiri Flash Stepped over to the possessed girl, swinging her giant sword down on her. Hiyori blocked of course, and the two seemed to get into a struggle for dominance, one that Hiyori was slowly but surely winning.


    Can''t have that now, can we? I swapped out one Zannkimaru for another, using its Ability to get me right beside the terrifying loli. With her shadow on her right, it gave me the perfect chance to aim for her weapon. If I can just knock it out of her hands and yoink it into my Inventory, she shouldn''t prove much of a problem.


    My blade shot out of its sheath, aiming for her wrist when she once again took me by surprise and let me tell you, I really don''t like surprises. I don''t know how, but Hiyori must have seen me coming, so when I went to attack, she fell backwards, making Kiri stagger towards her. She then used the teeth in her blade to lock onto Kiri''s, pulling her into the line of fire.


    It was almost the exact same thing I did to her Hollow.


    I couldn''t exactly stop the attack once it''s been started, but at least I was using the back of the blade, as I didn''t want to actually hurt Hiyori. We need her for the bitch currently getting her jollies off watching us fight.


    My sword hit Kiri in the stomach, doing only minor damage, thankfully, but that didn''t mean it didn''t hurt. Her body did a front flip, carried by the momentum of my attack. She did manage to land on her feet at least, so that was good.


    But Hiyori wasn''t going to give a moment to catch our breath or let me apologize, hopping to her feet and spinning wildly, looking like the world''s most deadly top. Kiri held her sword out, grunting as she held the other girl at bay. I would love to do something, but with her currently pretending to be a tornado, there wasn''t much I could do but wait.


    I could try to use Chain Trap, but I have a feeling it would either get deflected, or I would get dragged into the whirling steel and turned into ground beef. Not the way I planned to go.


    The way I planned to go was as an old man taking too much Viagra and ignoring the 4 hour warning.


    Watching Kiri struggle against the onslaught made me clench my teeth in frustration. She would likely lose this little war of attrition they were having if nothing changed. Kubikiri was forced backwards, her feet inching closer and closer to the large, gaping fissure Hiyori left in the floor.


    Hang on, her feet¡­ No I''m not a foot fetish guy, but it did give me an idea. If I could do something to interrupt Hiyori''s foot work, then she would have to halt the attack. Now the only question that remains is how.


    I could chuck rocks at her feet, that might do it. Though I run the risk of missing and hitting Kiri. I could probably toss a barrel of sake over her, make the ground beneath her all slippery. Or I have some of those spikes traps I could toss in front of her, make her step on one of those. But that last option doesn''t seem that good considering we still needed her to fight.


    Let''s try the sake, shall we? Seems like the option that will put both of them in the least amount of danger.


    Running over to the pair, I traveled up some rubble to give me a better vantage point before leaping towards them, grabbing a barrel of sake out of my Inventory as I did so. Once I was within range, I chucked it over her, the barrel shattered and doused her in delicious sake.


    And wouldn''t you know it, my plan actually worked. Hiyori''s feet hit the sake and she started spinning out of control along the wooden floor. Kind of like she was already doing just all over the place. She spun and she spun until she couldn''t spin no more. Mostly because of the rock she hit, sending her tumbling ass over backwards.


    But more importantly than that, he sword went flying away. Without that, we might actually have a chance.


    Kiri and I didn''t have time to celebrate. With Hiyori dazed on the ground and her sword off in the distance, we knew this was our best chance. Both of us dashed towards her, ready to engage in a good old rousing round of fisticuffs. Kubikiri sent her sword¡­ somewhere. I don''t know, but she didn''t have it on her anymore. Hiyori barely managed to get on her feet before we were on her.


    Now, my Street Fighter might not be at the highest Level, having risen to 18 while in this place, and these two small, petite women outclassed me in every way, but that didn''t mean I was ineffective. I provided an excellent distraction. Whenever Hiyori got a slight upper hand on the taller woman, I ran in and annoyed her.


    We made an excellent team.


    This lasted for about a minute, give or take, before Kubikiri managed to finally get the upper hand. Hiyori had been doing everything she could to disengage and go for her sword, but we wouldn''t let her, even when that damned thing inside her tried to fry us with another Cero.


    The sword spirit grabbed Hiyori''s arm and twisted it behind her back, using her other arm to wrap around Hiyori''s throat, struggling to hold the enraged Visored in place. "Anytime you''re ready!" she shouted at me. Realizing it was now time to play my part, I Sprinted towards her, grabbing the final piece of the puzzle from my Inventory. The one item that guaranteed us victory.


    Karin''s Curry!


    Once I shove this down the little loli''s throat, that parasite was as good as dead. I made it to the pair of struggling girls, slamming the pot on the ground and taking off the lid. A loud moan rang out across the room, the kind you hear in a haunted house right before a ghost pops out and kills you. Not only that, but the smell of death hit everyone''s noses as well, making them all recoil in disgust.


    "What the hell is that!?" shouted Kubikiri, desperately wanting to pinch the nose shut but unable to due to her current task.


    "Curry! Now open wide you damn midget! It''s time for the choo-choo train to enter the tunnel!" I shouted, plopping my hand into the pot, ignoring the painful, burning sensation as I did so. Sorry Hiyori, but this is for your own good!


    The parasite possessed girl opened her mouth to try and bite me or launch another Cero, but that was just what I needed. I shoved a whole fistful of toxic curry right down her throat. She stopped struggling for a moment, unsure of what to make of this new sensation in her mouth.


    But that didn''t last long.


    She began screaming, redoubling her efforts to escape. Kubikiri had to really put her back to work in order to keep the smaller girl in check. This went on for several seconds before a long, black creature erupted from her mouth. It had hundreds, if not thousands of legs, all frantically spasming. Its face, however, looked like a stereotypical Hollow mask.


    "There you are you son of a bitch!" I yelled, grabbing the disgusting creature. I then proceeded to pull on it while Kubikiri kept Hiyori in place. It wasn''t an easy task by any means, as the centipede looking Hollow really didn''t want to leave his home.


    Not that I could blame him. If I was inside her, I probably wouldn''t want to leave either. But he had to go.


    After several seconds of pulling, I finally managed to get the whole of his body out of her, and boy was this bitch long. It was almost 10 feet. How the hell did this thing fit inside of her?


    Probably not the last time I would be asking her that question.


    But with the parasite now removed from Hiyori, Kubikiri released her, as the poor girl coughed like mad, clutching her abused throat, tears forming in her eyes. Again, probably not the last time I would see her in that position.


    Ok, that was the last sex joke, I swear!


    I held onto the squirming little monster with a wicked smile on my face. "Hey Kiri, would you mind doing the honors?" I ask, holding the thing out for her to slice in half. She gave me a matching grin before doing just that, swinging that giant sword of hers and ending the thing once and for all. I tossed the now dead halves onto the ground.


    "Hiyori, you alright?" I ask, walking over to her and kneeling beside her. She gave me a glare, hacking one heck of a loogie onto the ground.


    "What do you think? And why do I smell like sake?" she croaked out, making me sigh in relief. If she could sass me, she was probably fine.


    "Glad you''re ok, cause we have a fight to win," I said, standing up and holding out my hand. She looked at it for a second before smirking. "Damn right we do! Time to show that bitch her place!" She then grabbed my hand and I hauled her to her feet.


    Gain 2 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (10/100)


    "Good to have you back, you pint sized trouble maker," Kubikiri said, leaning on her sword. This gave Hiyori a tick mark, as she glared at her Zanpakuto. "Huh, what did you just call me!? Don''t think I won''t kick your ass."


    "Perhaps you can save that for after we''ve won?" I ask, getting her to glare at me instead. But she turned her head away, making a "Tsking" sound as she did so.


    "Fine, whatever. Let''s just get this over with. I''m sick of this place already. Where''s my sword?" she said, looking around for her missing blade.


    "You know, that''s a pretty rude thing to say about someone''s home. Not to mention it''s your own mind you''re in," Kiri taunted some more, as Hiyori managed to locate her sword, picking it up and resting it over her shoulder.


    Hiyori opened her mouth to no doubt say something sarcastic, but a slow, clapping noise distracted her. Looking towards the sound, we saw the form of her Hollow, a smug look on her face, clapping her hands.


    "Good, very good. You managed to free her. I didn''t think you''d actually be able to pull that off. Congratulations! But I hope you don''t think that improves your chances," she said, ceasing her clapping.


    "Oh yeah, and why is that?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.


    "Two reasons, really. One," she said, holding up her index finger. "Three times zero is still zero. You are simply too weak to hurt me. And two¡­" she said, adding her middle finger to the mix. As she did this, a horrible pain erupted from my stomach.


    "Ah!" I shouted, falling to my knees from the pain, clutching my stomach in agony.


    "Ushio!"


    "Baldy!"


    "I had more than one parasite," she finished with a twisted grin, as Hiyori and Kubikiri rushed over to me.


    My eyes widened at hearing that, the pain in my stomach now making sense. But how? When? I couldn''t think of when she could have infected me.


    "Let me guess, you''re wondering when I could have implanted it in you," the Hollow said, making me glare at her. "If you must know, it was when you decided to stick your tongue down that ogre''s throat thinking it was Hiyori," she continued, making the blonde haired girl erupt in a massive blush while Kiri just looked at us, her eyes demanding answers.


    "When did this happen?" she asked.


    "None of your business!" Hiyori yelled out. I wanted to say something, but the pain kept me quiet. Instead, I pulled on Hiyori''s arm, who turned her red face towards me, and pointed to the pot of curry that was still sitting on some rubble, moaning away.


    Kinda surprised it hasn''t fled the pot, honestly. But I really don''t want to have to fight a slime monster after this. Unless it was the type that eats girl''s clothes, then maybe. But I doubted that thing would be that nice to me. It would probably put more clothes on them just to spite me.


    Hiyori, looking at where I was pointing, nodded her head, her blush fading. She stood up and prepared to run and get it, when that doppelganging bitch used her Sonido to beat her to it.


    "Hey, give that here!" Hiyori yelled. Her Hollow merely raised an eyebrow, staring at the bubbling cauldron of god doesn''t even know what, cringing at the pungent aroma.


    "Now, why would I do that? Don''t you want to dance with your hunky friend over there?" she asked coyly. Hiyori growled, and started stomping her way towards her Hollow, intent on starting the fight, but thankfully, cooler heads prevailed.


    "Hiyori, stop. Don''t let her rile you up," Kubikiri said, grabbing onto her arm. Talk about deja vu. Hiyori turned to look at her Zanpakuto Spirit, anger written all over her face.


    "Then what are we supposed to do, huh? That''s the stuff you used to get that thing out of me, ain''t it? That means we need to get it back," she growled, ripping her arm out of the spirit''s grip.


    "I know, but we can''t go in half cocked. We need a plan. She''s too strong," Kiri stated.


    "Damn it!" Hiyori yelled, knowing the other woman was right. "Fine, then what to you propose we-"


    But Hiyori''s question would be cut off by the sound of a Cero being fired off. All of us looked up to see the remains of the curry, floating onto the ground. I felt a bit numb at this, watching as my best chance to get rid of the parasite went up in smoke.


    "Oops," the Hollow said with a fake look of remorse.


    "Well, that''s unfortunate," I mutter, feeling my insides unravel. I''m not sure but I think it just ate part of my liver. Which would be unfortunate, since I have like, 7 barrels of sake left.


    Well, 8 if you count the¡­


    The tainted one! Hah, I''m not out of this yet, you pale bitch!


    "Plan B. We kill the bitch before that thing takes him over," Hiyori suggested. Kubikiri was about to answer her when the sound of someone quietly laughing distracted her.


    That someone was me by the way.


    "Have you lost your damn mind?" Hiyori asked, eyes totally confused. Kubikiri wasn''t far off. All three of the women stared at me like I had grown a second head. Don''t know what that would surprise them. All guys have a second head.


    "Not at all, I just realized how thirsty I am," I said, standing up while clutching my writhing stomach. I had a big smirk on my face, like I was about to pull a massive prank on somebody.


    "Thirsty? The hell are you talking about?" Hiyori asked again, not comforted at all by my words. She must not like the thought of someone losing their mind while inside her own mind. Wonder what that would do to somebody?


    "This," I said, going into my Inventory and pulling out the tainted barrel of sake.


    "Where the hell did that come from?" Hiyori asked. But I ignore her for the moment. The faster I could get this poison in me, the faster I could take care of this parasite. Ripping off the lid, I immediately dunked my whole head into the liquid, feeling it burn from the curry inside of it. I ignored that, taking massive gulps of the stuff, feeling the burn of the poison and the alcohol.


    I wouldn''t recommend it.


    You have been Poisoned.


    I ignored that, continuing to guzzle the vile liquid for several seconds until the lack of oxygen forced me to come up for air. I took in deep breaths, the purplish sake running down my body and soaking my ninja outfit. Really can''t wait to get these clothes in the wash.


    "So your plan is to get drunk? How the hell does that help us!? Stupid Baldy!" Hiyori yelled, not understanding the plan. But she would see. They''d all see!


    My mouth, throat and stomach were burning. Good, the little bastard hanging out in my intestines should be feeling the burn too. Now it was just a matter of time until it popped out and said hello. Once that happened, one of the shorties over there could rip it out of me and bam! No more buggy in my tummy.


    My stomach gave a loud, angry gurgle, one that caught the attention of everyone there. They all looked at me with a combination of worry, confusion, and or interest.


    "Getting drunk sounds pretty good, but that''s not the plan. I added some of that curry to it to poison one of those damn ogres and started a brawl. So now, urg, that stupid parasite should be just about ready to say hello," I said, making their eyes widen.


    Gain 1 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (21/100)


    "So you had something else that could get rid of those little bastards. Not bad, big guy. I''m impressed," Kubikiri said with a smirk. I gave her a cocky look back, but the pain in my stomach increased ten fold.


    "Oh god, here it comes!" I said, bending over. I expected to feel my mouth start to water in anticipation of upchucking, but that''s not what I felt. Instead, it was the familiar sensation of eating too much Taco Bell and waking up with explosive diarrhea.


    In other words¡­


    "It''s coming out the wrong end!"


    The two girls flinched back at my sudden shout. "W-what do you mean it''s coming out the wrong end!?" Hiyori shouted.


    "What do you think it means! Oh boy, it''s coming! Kiri, don''t look!" I shouted, fearing that if she saw a parasite bursting out of my ass, she''d never give me a blowjob. And I really wanted one. I deserved it after the day I''ve had.


    In my desperation, I grabbed the boulder from my Inventory and placed it between us, creating a makeshift wall. "Hey, what the hell!?" Hiyori yelled, surprised by the sudden rock in front of her.


    "Don''t look! No matter what you hear, don''t you dare look!" I shouted, shoving my pants and loincloth into the Inventory, not wanting them to get ruined by what was about to happen. I stood there, bent over with both cheeks out, ready to shit out the most evil creature in existence.


    That''s when it happened. I could no longer hold it back. Hopefully they would adhere to my request and not peek. For the sake of my dick, and my dignity, I had to have faith.


    "Oh sweet merciful Jesus, why!?" I shouted as four feet of bug burst out of my rectum. I could feel all of its hundreds of legs kicking my poor abused butthole, scraping the insides on my firm cheeks as it tried to flee.


    "Why is this happening!? First the arrow and now this? What did I ever do to deserve such punishment!?" I shouted, hands braced against the boulder as the thing spasmed behind me, looking like a piece of rope caught in a hurricane, just flopping all over the damn place.


    Let me tell you, it did not feel good. Not at all. It was nothing but pure torture. Nothing I''ve ever felt could have prepared me for this moment. My poor asshole would never be the same.


    "Hey, uh, you ok over there?" asked one of the girls, but I couldn''t tell which.


    "No! I''m being violated! Nothing will ever be ok again!" I shouted back, banging my fist onto the boulder. I glared through grit teeth at the squirming piece of shit still writhing around. At this point I''m not sure if it was trying to escape or just have a good time.


    "Damn you, you little bastard. I''ll make you pay for this!" I yelled, reaching around and grabbing the thing. It didn''t like that, and it started spasming uncontrollably, and it felt like it was trying to go back inside.


    Not a chance in hell of that happening. Using strength I didn''t know I had, I started pulling the thing out ignoring the high pitched screams it made as I did so. It could scream all it wanted, nothing would stop me from getting my revenge.


    Like pulling out the world''s most painful anal beads, I winced every time another pair of its shockingly pointy legs came wiggling out. I wasn''t sure how much more of it there was to go, but I could only pray it wasn''t as big as the one Hiyori had.


    If you''re wondering what was happening to my Hp right now, it was dropping. About 2 points per second, give or take. But I didn''t care much for that, I had plenty of Hp at the moment. Or at least more than enough to get this little bastard out of me. Plus I could always just touch myself and recover some of it.


    I''m just glad it wasn''t the type that swam up your urethra. If that was the case, I probably would have just taken out the .44 and ended things. The ass was bad enough, but I would never subject my most sacred treasure to such a thing.


    It took me nearly a minute, but I eventually had a squirming, roughly six foot long parasite Hollow in my hand. My hand was wrapped around its neck so it couldn''t bite or shoot off a Cero at me.


    I panted in exhaustion and relief, taking this moment to Re-Equip my pants and underwear. As proud as I am of my body, now was not the time to be flashing the girls. That would come later, when I wasn''t in such a terrible state. I wanted them to see me at my best.


    Once I was presentable, I shoved the boulder back into my Inventory, staring into the faces of the two concerned girls. Not gonna lie, it was nice to have such beautiful women concerned about me.


    I held up the wiggling Hollow in my hand, looking directly at Kubikiri now. "This doesn''t count as shitting myself, does it?" I asked, before crushing its skull between my thumb and index finger.


    Kubikiri snorted in amusement, as Hiyori looked between us confused. "Don''t worry, I think you suffered enough. I won''t subject you to blue balls as well," she said, making me sag in relief while Hiyori went red, spluttering incoherently.


    "Good, I was worried for a second there," I said, feeling a million times better. Not really, because there was a constant stinging pain coming from my hole that I feared would never leave.


    I then began rolling my right shoulder, glaring daggers at Hiyori''s Hollow, who was sitting on a piece of rubble, kicking her legs back and forth, enjoying the show.


    It was her fault I was subjected to such horrors, and it was time to make her pay for it. I''m surprised she didn''t attack while all that was going down. I guess she was the type who enjoyed watching. Wonder if Hiyori''s the same?


    Speaking of Hiyori, she looked like she wanted to ask about what we were talking about, but shook her head. I imagine she would be interrogating us after the battle. Maybe Kiri could convince her to help? There''s more than enough of me to go around. Almost too much.


    A man can dream¡­


    But right now, we had one last fight to win. The three of us stood side by side, ready to take on the final challenge of this Dungeon. It was finally time to end this.

 Chapter 27

    This wasn''t how I imagined things going. Hollow Hiyori was a whole nother kind of beast, one that I wasn''t prepared for. I thought the great shrimp herself was challenging, but her buffed up Hollow had her beat by spades.


    Hiyori was fast, strong, and durable; her Hollow was all that and more. It didn''t help that she was boosted by Aizen''s little experiment, and the others were suppressed. But they at least had a chance of doing some kind of damage.


    Me, not so much. As high as my Strength was, I had yet to figure out how to empower myself with Reiatsu. Sure, Power Slash helped by doing a few points of damage, but that was basically just raindrops trying to wear down a mountain.


    Then there was her damn regeneration, so even if I could eke out a few measly scraps of damage, she just healed them in a few seconds. I tried to poison her, as that would prevent her regeneration from working, or at the very least, slow it down, but she seemed wise to my tricks and avoided every Venom Strike I sent her way.


    I watched as Hiyori and Kubikiri swung their blades down at the same time, from opposite sides, trying to bisect her. But the Hollow easily blocked both of them, her own sword held above her head, giving the two a cocky smirk as they struggled with all their might to push down and end things.


    I wished I could use Shadow Strike or something and get a hit in, not that it would do much, but I couldn''t. Looking back, I practically growled at the sight of my left leg, or more specifically, the large gash in my thigh.


    I had been careless, or perhaps I was just too slow, I don''t know. But the bitch got me, then kicked me across the field. Not the best feeling in the world, let me tell you.


    I used my new Ability to stop the bleeding, but that didn''t negate any of the pain. Not really. And I couldn''t recover enough Hp to close the wound, not with how low my Reiryoku is. It was enough to prevent me from dying, but not enough to get me back in the fight.


    "My, my, you two really are weak, aren''t you?" the Hollow sneered, not struggling in the least to hold them back.


    "Fuck you, you bitch! Give me back my damn body already!" Hiyori shouted, her anger fueling her strength, letting her push down the Hollow''s blade just a bit. Kinda surprised she had that much left in her.


    But it wouldn''t be enough.


    "Oh? But I''m having so much fun with it," she giggled back, before using her superior strength to send them both flying back. Without wasting any time, Hollow Hiyori began gathering her Reiryoku in her hand before releasing a Cero at Kubikiri. The Zanpakuto Spirit managed to get her blade up in time to block it, but the force of the attack still sent her soaring away.


    Smirk still on the face, she casually side-stepped Hiyori''s next attack, which hit the ground, sending up a large cloud of dust.


    "Too slow," the Hollow mocked, before she grabbed Hiyori by the face and threw her away. She then used Sonido to appear in Hiyori''s flight path, cleaver raised high, ready to cut her in half.


    "Shit. Had¨­ #1: Sh¨­!" Hiyori shouted, aiming the attack at the ground. She may not have been the best at Kid¨­, but she could do this much at least. The invisible force of the attack sent Hiyori upward, barely avoiding the attack of the Hollow.


    "Clever. But not clever enough," the Hollow stated, reaching up and grabbing Hiyori by the leg before slamming her onto the ground hard. Hiyori gasped in pain, coughing up blood and spit.


    The Hollow then spun around, hurling Hiyori towards the injured Kubikiri. She slammed into the spirit, sending both exhausted girls to the ground in a tangle of limbs. The two lay there, panting for breath, trying to get back on their feet, struggling with all their might.


    I grit my teeth in frustration, attempting the same as them. But the searing pain in my leg made that incredibly difficult. Besides the obvious gash that was barely sealed, the bitch had also broken my leg, so even if I could get up, I''m not sure how much help I would be.


    But that doesn''t mean I''d stop trying. Using Zannkimaru as a kind of crutch, I forced myself onto one leg, the movement rattling my other one and I was barely able to hold back a scream.


    I felt like throwing up. My whole body was weak, and my leg and arms shook with the effort of keeping me standing. However, as painful as it was, it still beat the hell out of a giant tapeworm coming out of my ass. I''d rather have my leg broken a thousand more times than go through that again.


    I watched as the Hollow slowly approached the downed girls. They managed to get back on their feet, but they looked as worn out as I did. Especially Hiyori. I''m amazed she was still able to stand, let alone fight, but I''m pretty sure it was all a front. Judging by the way her arms trembled as she held up that giant fucking sword, she just about had it.


    I started hobbling towards them as fast as I could, which wasn''t very fast at all. Pretty sure I''d get passed by a turtle at the speed I was going, and he wouldn''t even have to take any performance enhancing drugs to do it. That''s just how fucked up I am.


    The battle in front of me continued. Hiyori and her Zanpakuto fought in perfect tandem, each one guarding the other''s weak spot as they pressured the Hollow. It was a pretty amazing sigh, honestly.


    However, as amazing a sight it was, it was also clear that the Hollow wasn''t threatened in the slightest, her condescending smirk never leaving her face. It was as if everything was just a game to her.


    And it probably was.


    It wasn''t long before she had both of them on the ground again, and I don''t think they''ll be getting up anytime soon. I''m pretty sure Hiyori is concussed from the haymaker the Hollow gave her and Kubikiri had a nasty gash in her side.


    "Well, this has been fun. But I think it''s time to finally end this, don''t you think?" Hollow Hiyori asked. The other two glared at her, but that was about all they could do.


    "Aw, nothing to say? No last words? How boring," she continued to mock.


    "Go fuck yourself," Kubikiri spat, making the Hollow smile.


    "You see?" she said, raising her hand and gathering more crimson energy in it, aiming the swirling mass of death at them. "That''s the spirit."


    But before she could fire it off and ruin my Quest, someone interrupted her fun. That someone was yours truly. Her eyes widened in surprise as I stepped in front of the two, having finally hobbled my way over.


    "You''re still alive? I thought for sure you would have bled out by now," she said, voice tinged with a frustrated curiosity. Guess she didn''t expect anyone to get in her way. Looks like she doesn''t know me very well.


    "I ain''t dying till I put you in the dirt," I said, which I suspect was not all that intimidating, considering I was half dead and barely standing. But in my frazzled mind, it was a pretty badass line.


    "What the hell are you doing you idiot!? Get out of here!" Kubikiri yelled. Not sure where she thinks I''m supposed to go. Pretty sure if I fail this Quest I''m boned with a capital "B" anyway.


    "And miss all the fun? Not a chance," I said, turning and giving her a grin. The action nearly sent me back to the floor, but I managed to stay upright. If I was going to die, then I would go out on my feet, like a man.


    "Cute. Well if you want to die with them, that''s fine with me. Pity, you would have made for an excellent bed warmer," she said, sounding genuinely sad. Not sure how to feel about that, so I''ll choose to take it as the backhanded compliment I''m sure it was.


    She then pointed the amassed energy right at me before firing it off. I watched the enormous beam of energy approach me, spreading my arms wide, ready to go out like Piccolo.


    So this is it, huh? This is how I die? Killed by a demonic loli. Could be worse I guess, but I was really hoping to spend some alone time with Tatsuki, Kubikiri and or Hiyori. Looks like that won''t be happening now.


    Now''s not the time to give up! I might be a NEET but I''m not ready to go back just yet!


    "Sorry about that Sarah. But I don''t see a way out of this one," I thought. I could have sworn I heard her crying, which just made me feel worse. In the end, I didn''t amount to much, did I? Killed one week in, long before Rukia even showed up. How pathetic¡­


    That''s when the beam of light hit me, and let me just say, it hurt. Like getting doused in gasoline and lit on fire kind of pain. And then when the fire goes out some asshole decides to dump a bunch of salt on you.


    I could hear the sound of someone screaming and it took me a moment to realize it was me. Man do I have some lungs on me. My Hp bar started taking a nosedive. It wouldn''t take long, thankfully, before my Hp hit the big zero. Hopefully I end up in a nice part of the Rukongai, and not wherever the hell Kenpachi came from.


    You know what they say? That when you''re about to die your life flashes before your eyes? I thought for certain that it was just a load of crock, because that sure as hell didn''t happen the first time I died. This time, however, it looks like I was in for a treat.


    The world around me faded into darkness before I was greeted by a familiar scene. It was me as a young lad, around 7 or 8. My mother was chastising me for getting into a fight again.


    "Do you know what you did to that boy!? We''ll be lucky if they don''t press charges!" she screamed.


    The boy in question was named Ryuji Hayato, and he was what one might call a mean son of a bitch. Not that I could really blame him for it, considering his mother was a stripper and his father was an alcoholic, and both of them were abusive, so he liked to take it out on those weaker than him.


    I get it, but that doesn''t make it right.


    But the reason I was getting yelled at is because I busted his face up pretty good. Even young, I was pretty darn strong. And it wasn''t like I did it for no reason either. When I found the asshole he was in the process of kicking the shit out of a dog. And not just any dog, but one that had an owner, another kid who was bawling his eyes out and screaming for him to stop.


    I couldn''t just let that go, so I ran up and Super manned that hoe. It only took one good hit and Ryuji was down and out. Still, he looked like he was hit with a baseball bat.


    "Calm down sweetheart they ain''t gonna sue. Ushio was protecting a young boy and his pet. If anything, that little shit should be worried about getting sued, considering how wealthy the other kid''s parents are," my grandpa said, always the voice of reason.


    Well, usually.


    ¡­There''s a first time for everything.


    My mother walked off in a huff, probably to go smoke a cigarette. She blamed him for my, as she called it, personality disorder.


    There was absolutely nothing wrong with my personality, thank you very much!


    Gramps just chuckled at her before he turned to me, and I can still remember how proud he looked.


    "Don''t listen to her Ushio, you did the right thing. Not your fault that little brat is such a pussy it only took one hit," he told me before ruffling my hair.


    That''s right, I had hair back then! It was before I learned of the glory of the shiny dome.


    "Just remember, a real man only raises his fists to protect others. They say violence only creates more violence. Bullshit if you asked me. Sometimes, a good old fashioned ass whooping is just what the doctor ordered. No better cure for pricks like him."


    Pretty sure they agreed with him, because as soon as he was all fixed up, Ryuji came for me. And he wasn''t alone either. Nope, he brought goon stereotypes one and two with him. They cornered me in a parking lot, giving me their best menacing looks as they stalked towards me.


    I gave them props for trying but their chubby little cheeks were more adorable than threatening. And I told them that too.


    They took exception to that.


    The three of them began to pummel me. I weathered the storm as best I could, taking blow after blow until my body was bruised and bloody. However, I didn''t fall and I didn''t give up. I took the beating until they wore themselves out. It hurt, sure, but I''m pretty sure what I did to them hurt even more.


    Grandpa said I shouldn''t raise my fists unless I''m protecting someone, which was just the most anime advice someone could give, and I was glad to know that someone included me. Gramps was real big on the art of self defense.


    But why am I remembering this now? Not sure what message this was supposed to send me in my final moments. Sure getting a three on one beatdown sucked, but I don''t see the point of it.


    Maybe my mind is just dumb?


    The image shifted once more until I was looking at my grandpa again. I was sitting on a stool and he was dabbing my face with alcohol. I bitched loudly at this.


    "Don''t be such a pansy. You can endure a beating like that but a little alcohol makes you cry? Suck it up," he ordered. And that''s what I did.


    Once it was all done, he placed the bottle on the table and gave me a warm look. "But you know what? I''m proud of you, kiddo. You didn''t give up, no matter how much they walloped ya. Takes a real man to go through that much pain and stay standing. Never forget that feeling."


    Oh, so that''s it. That''s the lesson my brain was trying to give me right before I kick the bucket. Don''t give up, not until the very end. See things through, like you were guaranteed tomorrow.


    "Alright gramps, one last time. You said an ass whooping''s the best cure for being a prick? Well the doctor''s in, and he''s ready to give out his final prescription," I said through grit teeth, taking a step forward through the blood red beam of pure agony.


    Pretty sure I heard Hiyori screaming something. It sounded like, "What the hell are you doing dumbass!" Not sure though, everything sounded like it was underwater and on fire at the same time. Not sure how that worked, but that''s what it sounded like all the same.


    I took another step into the roaring energy, crossing my arms in front of my chest. I don''t think it did me much good, as the pain was still overwhelming. I mean seriously, good lord! The beatdown from the kids in my flashback didn''t hurt nearly as bad as this. But I wouldn''t stop, not until I punch that smug bitch in her smug bitch face.


    Also I couldn''t give up, just in case grandad is watching. The last thing I need is to hear him telling me off in the afterlife. Not sure how he would cross over dimensions like that, but I sure as hell wouldn''t put it past him.


    Inch after inch I made my way closer to the Hollow. Not sure how I''m alive exactly, and I didn''t have the heart to look at my Hp. I had a feeling it was in the negatives and I was afraid staring at it would give me a heart attack. Hang on, if it was really that low, does that make me a zombie?


    If it does, I''m changing my name to Mr. X. According to Rule 34, that guy has all the rizz.


    I was at the halfway point when I heard the Hollow say something. Probably mocking my attempts and monologuing like all good villains do. Kinda glad I can''t hear it, actually.


    After what felt like hours I was finally right in front of that sexy little bitch. Her face looked the very definition of the word, shocked. And befuddled. And probably a few more words my brain did not have the capacity to think of at the moment.


    "H-how!? You should be dead!" she screeched, the humming of the Cero increasing in volume as she upped the power. It didn''t cause me any more pain, thankfully. Probably because my pain receptors were maxed out. Not sure that''s how that works either, but whatever.


    "Been there, done that!" I responded, grabbing her by the wrist. If she wasn''t so freaked out by me she could have just ripped her hand away, but as it stands, she didn''t move a muscle.


    "I hope you''re ready! This is for my ass!" I shouted, right before Power Punching her in the face. She went flying backwards, the Cero finally letting up. I stood there, smoke coming off of my body, feeling real good about myself.


    I went from Piccolo to Cooler in about¡­ actually, I don''t know how long it took me to walk through that thing. Could have been hours for all I know.


    Against my better judgment, I also gave my Stats a look, and ooh boy, they were not good. My Reiryoku and Stamina were basically 0, and my Hp was at an astonishing 1. Well isn''t that convenient.


    The author''s narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.


    You are one lucky bastard, you know that?


    "Huh, why?" I thought, even as I started to wobble. Staying on my feet was becoming one hell of a chore.


    But rather than answer me, a new screen popped up in front of me, meaning I had to use the limited amount of energy I had left to read.


    You have obtained the Perk: Endure


    <u>Endure</u>


    Once per day, if an attack would bring your Hp to 0, you are left with 1 Hp instead.


    Guess I''m a mother fucking Pok¨¦mon now. You know what, I''ll take it. But I still don''t see how I survived. Unless the Cero counts as one continuous attack.


    That being said, even if I haven''t quite kicked the bucket just yet, I''m not sure what I''m supposed to do with 1 measly Hp. A stiff breeze could kill me. Guess we''ll find out, because little miss thang is getting back to her feet.


    Hollow Hiyori stood up, facing me with an angry glare. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. However, her anger soon melted away, showing amusement instead.


    "You really are an impressive man, aren''t you? I don''t see how you survived that, but it doesn''t really matter I suppose. You''re on your last legs as it is," she said, reaching down and picking up her oversized sword.


    You know, I wonder if Hiyori''s compensating for something? Like, she has that big ass sword because she has small tits or something.


    "I don''t know what you''re talking about. I could do this all day," I said, doing my best Steve Rogers impression. Not sure she got the reference, but it made me giggle stupidly in my head.


    "I''d much rather you could go all night," the Hollow responded, making me shiver. She seems like the type who was into pegging and I am not ok with that.


    She gave me a contemplative look before her face morphed into a grin. "Yes, I do like the sound of that. Congratulations, I''m going to let you live. From now on, you will be my personal dildo. I hope you realize what an honor this is," she said, walking towards me with a sway in her hips.


    "Yeah, I''m gonna half to pass on that. Thanks for the offer though," I said. I wanted to take a step back and get the hell away from this crazy bitch, but my legs decided they had had enough of my shit and went on strike.


    "Your compliance isn''t a factor," she responded, giving me a predatory grin. It''s hard being such a sexy, handsome and well endowed man sometimes. It''s a cross I just have to bear.


    "Hey, Skankarella, get the fuck away from him!" Kubikiri yelled, right as the Hollow was about to fondle my face. She stopped, looking over at the two other people in the room, and I got the distinct feeling she had forgotten all about them.


    "Now, now, don''t you know it''s rude to interrupt. Why don''t you two sit back and enjoy the show? It''s the last one you''ll ever get after all," she said, her hands running up and down my chest. She made a moaning sound and I wasn''t sure whether I should be frightened or aroused.


    Probably both.


    "Who the hell would enjoy watching you ride that baldy!?" Hiyori yelled, and I could practically hear the red on her face.


    "That''s right! That dick belongs to us!" Kubikiri shouted.


    "What!?" Hiyori yelled back.


    You know, some part of me is filled with ego at hearing them argue over me. But the other parts are irritated that they think they can lay claim to me. It''s the other way around. I''m the one who''s going to claim them!


    So you have finally accepted your fate as a harem protagonist.


    Hell no!


    "What a pain. Give me a moment my sweet. I need to go and teach them some manners," the Hollow stated, finally ceasing her rubbing of my muscles before walking towards the two.


    "Wait, hang on!" I yelled, trying the turn around only to find myself crumbling to the floor. Damn it, I was completely gassed out! There wasn''t anything I could do!


    I could only watch as Hollow Hiyori wiped the floor with them. Oh they tried to fight back, of course, but they weren''t in much better shape than me.


    Actually, they were a lot better than me, I only have 1 Hp!


    But even if they had 1000x my health, it was ultimately fruitless. It didn''t take long before Hiyori and Kubikiri were on the floor, unable to get up.


    The Hollow bent down, grabbing Hiyori by her golden locks and lifting her head up. "You know, this is a good look for you. Defeat really brings out the color of your eyes," she mocked. Hiyori glared at her, spitting a wad of blood in her face, just like she did before.


    "Fuck you," she spat out, glaring with al the hatred she could muster. Her Hollow sighed before shoving Hiyori''s face into the dirt. And she was not gentle about it either.


    "You know, I was going to kill you quickly, as a parting gift," the Hollow claimed, wiping the blood from her face and flinging it onto the ground. "But now I think I''ll take my sweet time. Enjoy myself."


    Having said that, she stood back up and proceeded to stomp on Hiyori''s leg, causing her to scream in pain as it was broken.


    "Yes that''s it! Let me hear you scream! I won''t stop until you beg me to kill you!" the Hollow yelled, her previous calm persona shattering to reveal the psychosis within. Her eyes were wide with manic and glee and she stomped on Hiyori''s shattered leg again and again.


    "You bitch! Get away from her!" Kubikiri shouted, trying to stand. The Hollow stopped her torture, at least for now, leaving Hiyori to sob in agony for the moment. She turned her head towards the Zanpakuto Spirit, giving her a one hell of a crazy glare.


    "Ah, Kubikiri, still running your mouth I see. You never did know when to shut the hell up, did you? Always looking down on me¡­ Always thinking you were better than me¡­ Well¡­ Who''s better now!?" she shouted, kicking Kubikiri in the face and sending her skidding across the floor. She rolled painfully across the floor before coming to a stop.


    But her torment didn''t end there, as the Hollow was right on her, slamming her foot down into her ribs, right where the gash was. Kubikiri let out a strangled cough, holding back the scream of pain as much as she could. Probably didn''t want to give the Hollow the satisfaction of hearing it.


    "Stop it!" I yelled, trying to claw my way towards her. I have no idea what I would do once I was there, but I had to try. I couldn''t just sit here and watch them be tortured to death! I had to stop her, no matter what it took!


    "Your defiance was cute before, but it''s becoming irritating. Be quiet before I decide to kill you too," the Hollow threatened, turning her killing intent on me. The potency of it made me freeze for a second, and I could see her smug face when it happened.


    "There, that''s better. Now be a good boy and watch as I remove these eyesores from my sight," she said, raising her sword high up into the air, a look of glee on her face. Kubikiri gave her a defiant stare, refusing to back down or beg for mercy.


    Think Ushio, think! There has to be something you can do! Some Skill you''ve forgotten about, some Item that could turn the tide; anything! Just think of something before she dies!


    But the only thing I could think of was to beg. "Stop, please¡­"


    "How revolting. Once I''ve had my fun with you I think I will just get rid of you. What a pathetic man you are," the Hollow said, a disappointed gleam in her eyes.


    I continued to stare at the scene, pleading with my eyes for her to stop, but it only seemed to make her enjoy it even more.


    "Ushio¡­" a voice called out, almost too quiet to hear. I turned to the sound, seeing Kubikiri staring at me. "Kiri¡­" I whispered.


    "It''ll be ok. But I''m gonna need a rain check on that promise you made me, alright," she said, giving me a smile. And not just any smile, but the exact same one that I gave that little girl as I lay there dying. My eyes widened at that realization.


    "Isn''t that sweet. But I''m afraid it''s time to die you insufferable twat," the Hollow said, swinging the sword down. I watched it fall in slow motion, inching closer and closer towards Kubikiri''s neck.


    As this was happening, I felt a heat inside of me grow. What started as a lonely matchstick grew into a raging inferno. It was like I was a balloon being filled with air until I couldn''t hold it in anymore. A damn about to burst.


    "I said¡­"


    [Big Dick Mode Activated]


    "Stop."


    As the Hollow gleefully swung the blade down, her momentum was suddenly halted by a hand gripping her wrist.


    "Huh, what the? You?" she exclaimed, totally flabbergasted by the sight in front of her. Not that I could blame her. I always considered myself to be a shining example of what a man should be, and now, the universe seemed to agree with me.


    I found myself surrounded by a golden aura, almost like I just went Super Saiyan. Not only that, but all my Stats were raised to the max, and my Hp, Stamina, and Reiryoku were all full as well.


    There was also one more teeny, tiny detail about my transformation¡­ I was buck ass naked. Not sure why but as soon as the mode activated, my clothes went straight into the Inventory. Weird, but it''s not like I have anything to be ashamed of. The opposite in fact! I have things to brag about.


    But not right now. Right now, I have a naughty loli to spank.


    "What, are you surprised to see me?" I asked, watching as she struggled to get her arm out of my grip. But much to her further shock, she couldn''t budge it an inch.


    "How are you doing this!? Where did this strength come from!?" she yelled, pulling her arm frantically, trying to get away. You know, this would look really bad out of context. A large, muscular, naked man holding the wrist of a small, struggling woman. Yeah, not the best optics.


    "Doesn''t matter where it came from. All that matters is what I''m going to do with it," I said, pulling my left arm back.


    "Wait, hang on!" she yelled, but I think we''re past the talking stage at this point. I punched her right in the face, doing a large chunk of damage for the first time and sending her flying.


    Kubikiri stared at me in awe, her mouth wide open. Not gonna lie, I kinda like the look. "Ushio, what happened to you?" she asked, with none of her usual snark.


    "The power of anime and friendship combined with my enormous dick gave rise to the ultimate power?"


    She gave me a deadpan stare, making me rub the back of my head sheepishly. "Right, and that''s why you''re naked?" she asked, her gaze shifting downward and a blush erupting from her cheeks.


    Gain 2 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi (23/100)


    "Pretty much, yeah. Now, as much as I''d love to continue this conversation, there''s something I need to take care of," I said, turning to face the enraged Hollow. There was a bit of blood dribbling down her chin, which she wiped away with a snarl.


    "Bastard! Think you''re tough do you? Well, we''ll see about that!" she screamed, bending her knees, ready to leap at me. But before she could, there I was, my foot racing towards her face. She panicked, raising her sword to guard at the last second. She succeeded, but she still went flying once more.


    She managed to right herself, skidding back several feet before coming to a stop. She raised her head to glare at me, but I was nowhere to be found. Now, where could I be, do you wonder?


    "Where are you looking?" I shouted from above her. The Hollow looked up, her eyes as big as saucers as she saw me speeding towards her. She managed to Sonido her way to safety as the ground where she was just standing exploded, my fist cratering the floor.


    But she was far from safe, as I was on her again like a fly on a horse''s ass. Not sure why I used that analogy, but it''s accurate. I smirked as I appeared beside her again, my fist speeding towards her face. And to think, I wasn''t even using Flash Step. Just pure muscle power.


    Hollow Hiyori wasn''t expecting me to catch up with her so fast, and my fist connected right with her formerly smug face, rocketing her across the room again. Landing on the ground, I immediately grabbed some large pieces of rubble, hurling them at her like I was a professional pitcher.


    Unfortunately, she was a speedy little thing, managing to escape right in the nick of time, the rubble exploding all around her. I also lost her in the dust cloud that followed. Maybe not my best move.


    However, through the cloud, I saw a bright, red light. One that was getting brighter and brighter as the seconds ticked away. Once the dust cleared a bit, I saw exactly what it was, a Cero.


    "Take this!" the Hollow yelled, shooting the deadly laser at me again. And just like last time, I took it head on. Only this time, it didn''t do jack shit. Once the beam was done, I stood there, staring at her without a scratch. Her eyes filled with terror at the sight of me completely unharmed.


    "You-you''re a monster!" she yelled, right before I disappeared from her sight, reappearing behind her. She looked around for me, and I could smell the fear rolling off of her. I reached out and tapped her shoulder, "Yoo hoo."


    She gave a squawk, twisting her body and bringing the sword down on me. I raised my right arm and caught the blade in my hand. I then proceeded to squeeze, watching with satisfaction as cracks appeared along the sword before it shattered in half. The Hollow stumbled back, staring at the remaining half of her sword in disbelief.


    I threw the chunk of metal to the ground, making a loud clanging noise. The sound snapped Hollow Hiyori out of her stupor, as she took a step away from me. "S-stay back! S-stay away from me!" she shouted.


    "Stay away? But we''re having so much fun," I said, grabbing her by the face and hurling her into the wall on the opposite side of the room. She smacked into it, causing a large crater to form, blood spewing from her mouth.


    But I wasn''t done yet. She tortured my friends and planned to make me her sex slave. I was going to show her the error of her ways. One instant I''m on the other side of the room, and the next I''m right beside her, fist pulled back and ready to finally end this fight for good. I delivered a devastating Power Punch right into her stomach, her Hp dipping into the red.


    I pulled my fist back, watching with some satisfaction as she coughed up a huge amount of blood. But that wasn''t the only thing. Her cheeks swelled up like she was about to hurl. But instead of vomit, a massive, wriggling parasite came bursting out of her mouth instead.


    At least it wasn''t her chest. I am not ready to face that nightmare just yet.


    "So, you had one of these things too, huh? Guess that explains some things. Now then, why don''t I help you with that?" I asked, reaching out to grab it. The parasitic Hollow screeched at me, firing off a desperate Cero at me, but I didn''t even flinch as it hit me. I grabbed the little bastard by the head and yanked it out of her. It was the biggest one yet, around 15 feet long.


    "God I hate these things," I said, using my Reiryoku to turn the thing into ash. With that, things are pretty much wrapped up. I don''t know how long this form of mine will last, so I should probably make the most out of it while I can.


    I sped back to Kubikiri before picking up her bridal style. "Woah, hey what do you think your doin?" she shouted, her face beat red. Hard to believe she was the same girl shaking her rump at me so I could spank it. I really don''t understand girls.


    "I''m taking you over to Hiyori so I can heal the two of you," I said, using my immense speed to basically teleport over there. Hiyori let out a yelp as I appeared, watching as I gently set Kubikiri down next to her.


    "You''ve got some explaining to do baldy!" Hiyori shouted, making me roll my eyes.


    "Yeah, yeah, later. Right now I need to heal you," I said, placing one hand on each of them. They were then encapsulated by a green glow. It took about a minute, give or take, before they were fully healed, broken bones and all.


    "There ya go, good as new," I said, standing up and with a proud look on my face. The two lovey ladies beneath me were looking over themselves with wonder.


    "What the hell¡­ I don''t think I''ve ever seen healing Kid¨­ that effective," Hiyori said, carefully standing up on her previously broken leg.


    "You''re welcome," I said, grinning stupidly at her. She turned to face me, likely to yell some more, when she finally seemed to fully comprehend my state of dress.


    Gain 2 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (12/100)


    "Why are you naked!?" she shouted, her whole face red from a combination of anger and embarrassment.


    "Don''t know, came with the power. Speaking of¡­" I said, seeing her Hollow fall to the ground and try to crawl away. I disappeared from beside them, reappearing in front of the desperate Hollow. She stopped once she saw my tootsies barring her path, letting out a defeated sigh.


    "Well, what are you waiting for? Finish me off already," she said, glaring up at me. However, something within me was telling me there was a different path. One that would be better for all parties involved.


    "I have a better idea. You said you were going to make me your personal dildo, right? Well it just so happens I''m in the market for an onahole, and it looks like I found one," I said, reaching down and picking her up, throwing her over my shoulder.


    "H-hey, wait a minute! You can''t-eep!" she squealed as I gave her a good slap on the ass.


    "Quiet. You lost the right to complain when you lost the fight. The strong do as they will, and the weak get fucked. Pretty sure that''s how the saying goes¡­" I said before Sprinting to the center of the room.


    "Hey, I''ll be back in a bit," I shouted to Hiyori and Kubikiri.


    "And where do you think you''re-hey, don''t ignore me!" Hiyori shouted as I leapt up through the hole into the room above us. It was time to tame a Hollow. I know you''re not supposed to stick your dick in crazy but every rule has an exception or two.


    The two girls could only look on in bafflement as I left them. "What does that dumbass think he''s doing?" Hiyori growled, making Kubikiri chuckle. Hiyori turned to her with a glare, "And just what is so damn funny?"


    "Wait for it," her Zanpakuto Spirit said.


    "Wait for wha-" but she was cut off by the sudden rhythmic shaking of the tower.


    "What the hell is that?" Hiyori exclaims, looking around in a panic.


    "I believe that''s, as the kids would say, being taken to pound town," Kubikiri said, her face slightly flushed.


    "Taken to¡­" Hiyori started to say, before realizing exactly what the other woman was talking about. Her face turned beat red as she was forced to listen to the continuous thumping and shaking of the tower. It sounded more like an earthquake than two people going at it.


    2 hours later¡­


    "How long is that baldy going to make us wait!"


    That was the sound I heard as I made my way down the stairs, a thin sheen of sweat coating my naked body from my activities. Not exactly the way I expected to lose my V-card in this world, but it was far from unpleasant. And Hollow Hiyori certainly seemed to enjoy it.


    Hollow Hiyori Affection (100/100)


    Turning to my right, I saw the happy, smiling face of the naked Hollow, completely different from how she was just hours prior, clinging to my arm. Guess I must have fucked the crazy out of her, because she was as calm and docile as she could be.


    "Calm down you little brat, he''ll be here soon enough. If you hadn''t noticed, the shaking has stopped," Kubikiri responded, making me confused. Shaking, what shaking?


    The two of us made it down to the floor, casually strolling into the room. They must have heard me coming, as their faces turned to me immediately. Not like I was trying to hide my presence or anything.


    "There you are! It''s about time!" Hiyori shouted, standing up from the rubble she was sitting on, leveling a glare at me. But her eyes soon turned to the girl right next to me, the one who currently looked like a maiden in love, and pointed an accusing finger at her. "What the hell is she doing here!?"


    "Oh, well¡­ you see¡­" I said, not sure of how to put it. How do you tell someone you fucked them so hard that you removed all the evil form their body? Not exactly a card Hallmark would make.


    "I can answer that for you my darling," the Hollow said in a sickeningly sweet tone. It wasn''t the same one she used before to mock us, but one from a woman completely enraptured.


    Man I''m good.


    "You!? I don''t wanna hear another word from your mouth!" Hiyori shouted. I could see that Kubikiri agreed with her, crossing her arms over her chest. But there was also a curious look in her eyes at the Hollow''s new behavior.


    "Oh Hiyori, I''m so sorry for what I did to you my sister," the Hollow exclaimed, releasing her hold on my arm and rushing towards her twin. Hiyori tried to back away from the suddenly affectionate Hollow, but she was unable to, and her Hollow latched onto her with a vice grip.


    "Hey, what the hell are you doing!? Let me go!" Hiyori shouted, trying to pry the naked girl off of her. But the Hollow held firm, refusing to let go.


    "Aw, isn''t that sweet," I cooed, watching the scene. "And hot."


    "Gah, stupid baldy! Get this bitch off of me!" Hiyori shouted, not at all amused by my commentary. The same couldn''t be said for Kubikiri, however, who was surprisingly amused by the whole thing. Thought she''d be angrier or distrusting of the Hollow.


    "So, what exactly was all that? What was that power you used and what did you do to her?" she asked me, making Hiyori stop her struggling to pay attention to my answer. I turned to look at her and released a breath.


    "Not sure exactly where to start on that one. Let''s see¡­ the power I used was basically me channeling the unrivaled power of Big Dick Energy. Seeing you about to die seems to have triggered it," I said, but judging from the deadpan stares the two were giving me, I don''t think they bought it.


    "I know it sounds stupid, but it''s the truth! Anyway, as for what I did to her," I said, gesturing to the Hollow who was still clinging to Hiyori like she was some kind of cat. "I basically tamed her using my ding dong. She should be completely under control now," I said, shrugging my shoulders.


    The two of them shared a disbelieving look before turning back to me. "What kind of bullshit explanation is that?" Hiyori said.


    "I have to agree. No matter how big that sausage between your legs is, I doubt it has the power to do that," Kubikiri stated.


    Yeah, I kind of expected this reaction, but I am way too tired to think of a convincing lie. Post nut clarity did not help at all in this regard. However, there was one person in the room who could confirm my statement.


    "It''s true!" the Hollow said, grabbing Hiyori by her hands, who looked rather put out by the whole thing. "His enrapturous lovemaking has helped me see the errors of my ways. Hiyori, sister, I only wish to help you. I promise I won''t try and take over your body again, and you can use my powers as much as you desire," she proclaimed.


    "This can''t be real," Hiyori said, giving the cheerful Hollow a blank stare. But she only continued to stare at her with earnest sincerity. Hiyori looked away, unable to stomach the sudden sunny disposition of the Hollow. She leaned her head back, trying to get away, but her doppelganger simply leaned in towards her. Eventually, she couldn''t take it anymore.


    "Ah, fine! Whatever! But if this is a trick, I swear I''ll kill you both!" she yelled, pointing a dainty finger in my direction.


    "Yay! You won''t regret this, I promise!" the Hollow cheered before glomping the other girl.


    "I''m regretting it already! Get off of me damn it! And put some clothes on!" Hiyori shouted, making me chuckle once more at the sight. From enemies to friends from a single snuggle session. The world works in mysterious ways.


    "Well, that settles that. I have some stuff to do so I''ll leave you three to get reacquainted," I said, making my way towards the stairs leading down. It was time to rob this Dungeon for all it was worth. Papa needs a new refrigerator!


    "Hey, where the hell do you think you''re going! I didn''t give you permission to wander around in my head! Get back here! Grr, at least get her off of me! Hey!"

 Chapter 28

    Humming to myself as I casually strolled down the road heading towards the Tower, I couldn''t help but grin at my haul. It took me a little over an hour to appropriate the appropriate appropriations, but I now had plenty of working appliances nestled safely in my Inventory.


    No more burnt toast for this guy! I did have the idle thought that stealing objects from what was essentially someone''s mindscape might not be the best idea, but at the same time, free fridge.


    Hopefully it didn''t contain any of Hiyori''s childhood memories, but that was a risk I was willing to take.


    Of course, Hiyori was none too pleased when I returned, yelling angrily at me. Pretty sure she wanted to attack me too when I refused to tell her what I was up to, but thankfully Kubikiri held her back.


    I don''t see what she''s so mad about. I even put some clothes on for goodness sake! The other two seemed disappointed by that fact but I wasn''t going through the Moonlight District with my ding dong out. It may not have been as cold as before, but I couldn''t risk the frostbite.


    Or the shriveling. Imagine, returning to the girls with my pecker turtling up. No thank you.


    After getting chewed out for a bit, it was time to make our departure. As much fun as this was, I was eager to get the hell out of here. And I really hope I don''t see any more ogres any time soon.


    "Well, this is it ladies, time for me to hit the road," I said, standing in front of Kubikiri and Hiyori''s Hollow with the petulant blonde herself standing beside me, arms crossed and looking annoyed.


    Seriously, girl needs to get laid. Luckily for her, she had someone willing and able right next to her.


    "Come back soon my love," said the Hollow, laying it on pretty thick. Like me, she also found a new pair of clothes as her last ones got kinda ruined. I may have been a bit overeager and tore them to shreds during our¡­ activities.


    Oops.


    She was now wearing a pair of tight leather shorts colored black. Seriously, the damn things looked painted on. Did they use butter or something to squeeze her into them? Don''t get me wrong, she looked good in them but I can''t imagine they made it easy to breathe.


    She also had on a white shirt that was somewhat loose, with a black leather jacket over it. I have no idea where she got them, and I wasn''t going to ask. I figure it was just one of those things, you know? Best left alone.


    "He ain''t comin back here," Hiyori growled, still peeved at me for rummaging around in her head, making me roll my eyes at her. Thankfully, the others who occupied this place didn''t seem to agree with her statement.


    "Oh he''s coming back alright. He and I have some¡­ unfinished business," Kubikiri stated, licking her lips in my direction. I''m not ashamed to admit that I shivered at that, not out of fear but out of anticipation. I can still feel her perky rear on the palm of my hand. No way was Hiyori keeping me away from that.


    "What kind of business?" Hiyori asked with suspicion. I saw her Zanpakuto Spirit give her a salacious grin. "The kind that involves me on all fours screaming, harder daddy!"


    Hiyori''s face went red at that and my balls went blue. She should not be allowed to say that in that tone of voice when I have to leave. Not fair. And judging by the smirk on her face, she knew it too. I''ll have to make sure to get her back for that.


    "Ugh, I''m surrounded by sluts¡­" Hiyori lamented, giving the other two women the stink eye.


    "I am not a slut sister, as Ushio is the only man I''ll allow to have me," her Hollow stated, sounding rather smug about it too.


    "What she said," Kubikiri said, jabbing her thumb in the Hollow''s direction.


    "I''m not your sister! And you, don''t encourage her!" Hiyori yelled, getting a chuckle from the spirit.


    "Oh come on, you can''t tell me you''re not at least a little curious. I mean, look what sex did to her!" Kubikiri said, gesturing towards the Hollow again, who was positively glowing.


    "Who the hell would want that!?" Hiyori yelled, face red.


    "Correct me if I''m wrong, sister, but I seem to recall you making the most interesting noises when he kissed that ogre," the Hollow said. Now that caught my attention. I was happy enough to enjoy the show, watching them pick on Hiyori, but that damn ogre brought up some bad memories.


    "Hang on, what do you mean by that?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at them.


    "None of your damn business!" Hiyori shouted with a blush. Oh, now I''m more curious than ever. She should know better than to say something like that if you don''t want someone asking about it.


    "Oh come now, nothing to be embarrassed about. She and the ogre''s senses were connected, and she seemed to enjoy the feel of your lips quite a bit," the Hollow said, much to her twin''s frustration.


    "Oh really? Who''s the slut now?" Kubikiri said with a cat-like smirk. It was like she was staring at a defenseless bird, taking her time to enjoy the show before pouncing.


    "S-shut up! Can''t you see she''s lying! No way I''d enjoy kissing baldy here!" Hiyori yelled. Methinks the lady doth protest too much.


    "Aw, come on. There''s nothing to be embarrassed about. I''m more than happy to give you a little kiss if you want," I said, grinning down at her.


    "Don''t you touch me!" Hiyori said, backing up.


    "Well, if she doesn''t want it then I''ll take it!" the Hollow said eagerly, practically racing towards me. It was more than a little weird seeing her act like this. I never thought sticking my dick in crazy would turn out like this. Guess there''s an exception to every rule.


    Shrugging, I bent down to do just that. My lips met hers in a soft embrace, like two lovers being reunited after years apart. I kissed her softly, a far cry from earlier. At that time it was all anger and passion as I basically hate fucked the hate out of her. Never knew that''s what they meant by that.


    We parted after several seconds, with the Hollow panting for breath afterward, her pupils shaped like hearts. I didn''t know that was even possible. Is this the true power of Big Dick Energy? I''ll have to test it thoroughly later.


    "What about you Kiri? You want one too?" I asked, feeling a bit cocky. She looked indecisive, biting her lower lip in thought. After contemplating it a bit, she gave her answer.


    "Not this time, big guy. Fraid if I start, I won''t be able to stop. But I expect to be thoroughly satisfied next time, got it?" she demanded.


    "Yes ma''am!" I said, giving her a salute.


    "Alright, that''s enough of that! Time to go!" Hiyori yelled, pushing me towards the exit.


    "There''s no need to be jealous over them, you know? If you want a kiss that badly, I''m more than happy to oblige," I said, looking back at the frustrated girl.


    "Don''t even think about it!" she yelled back. I waved at the two girls as we departed.


    [You are now leaving the Dungeon]


    Everything started to swirl around me, almost like I had taken a shot of acid. Or eaten more of Karin''s cooking. Come to think of it, I''m surprised that thing could be destroyed. Kind of thought it would live on forever, a constant threat to humanity.


    Or maybe it faked its death, allowing it to amass power without anyone the wiser. Hopefully that wasn''t the case.


    When everything stopped spinning, I found myself on the cold, hard ground. I groaned as I tried to move, but found myself unable to, like something was pinning me down.


    "Well, well, well, look who decided to wake up. How was your time in Neverland?" asked a voice to my left. I looked up to see the smirking face of Kisuke. Not only that, but I once more found myself surrounded by the Visoreds, all staring at me with differing looks.


    I also saw the slumped over visage of Hiyori, a red string tied to her finger. All around me was pure white bones that were rapidly disintegrating into light particles. I imagine those were the parts of the Hollow that must have fallen off as I tamed the beast. At least it looks like I was in my own body again, which was a relief. I was a bit worried that I would be back in hers after getting out of there.


    "Great, fantastic. Nearly died several times and had my first gay experience. I''d love to tell you all about it, but I seem to be stuck. Mind letting me up?" I asked, wiggling my body around.


    "I don''t think so buddy. Not until we know what happened to Hiyori," stated the squinty eyed fuck, Shinji. I plopped my head on the ground and groaned. Knowing my luck, the angry little midget would say something that would get me in trouble. I might be here forever.


    Just as I was thinking that, the girl in question opened her eyes. She put her hand to her forehead and moaned. I wonder if her head was pounding like my own. Felt like I spent a few days at a frat house asserting my dominance. Hangovers suck.


    "Where¡­ what happened?" she asked, blinking away her confusion. Everyone looked relieved, and Shinji looked like he was about to say something, so of course I interrupted him.


    "Hey there Princess, glad you could join us," I said. Hiyori''s whole body went rigid as she turned to look at me, fury written all over her face.


    "The fuck did you just call me?" she growled.


    "Why, I called you princess, Princess. Something wrong? I mean, I did save you from a tower you know. Pretty classic damsel in distress trope, you know?" I asked, a teasing glint in my eyes. One I don''t think she saw.


    "Like hell! I could have gotten out of there myself! I didn''t need you!" she shouted, her face red from a combination of anger and embarrassment.


    "Maybe not, but I''ll always be there for you," I said, my voice going completely serious. Her face turned even redder at that, her mouth opening and closing without so much as a sound. Looks like I broke her.


    Gain 1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (13/100)


    "As much as I''d love to continue watching this adorable scene, perhaps we should discuss what happened tonight?" suggested Kisuke, hiding his shit eating grin behind his fan.


    This story originates from a different website. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.


    "Huh, the hell are you doing here, dumbass?" Hiyori asked, glaring up at her former Captain. He merely continued to smirk, waving his fan.


    "I heard you were in trouble so I came running as fast as I could. But it seems like some other hero has beaten me to saving the girl," he said.


    "You wanna die too!" Hiyori yelled, getting up and shaking her fist at him.


    "Now, now, no need for violence," Kisuke said, holding his hands up in surrender. His eyes then turned serious and dare I say it, warm. "But seriously, I''m glad you''re ok Hiyori."


    She turned her face away from him, arms crossed over her chest. "Tsk, whatever."


    "Aw, isn''t her tsundere side just the cutest?" I asked. Not sure if that was the wisest decision I could have made, but it''s far from the worst. She turned to look at me, an expression somewhere between a Honey Badger and a serial killer.


    "Think you''re funny do ya? Let me show you what I think of comedians," she said, advancing on me, cracking her knuckles.


    "Woah, come on now, there''s no need for this! Hey, let me out of here already! Seriously, I don''t like the look in her eyes! Guys!"


    "Sorry kid, but you brought this on yourself," someone said. It was that guy I could never remember who was who. Love or Rose, one of those assholes.


    "I''ll remember this!" I shouted.


    *Line Break*


    "I can''t believe you did this to me¡­" I said, sitting on a crate in one of the numerous, shady warehouses. Shinji, or was it Kisuke? Somebody suggested we move the conversation somewhere more comfortable.


    I don''t think these people know what comfort means.


    "Oh don''t be such a big baby," Hiyori responded, waving me off. But she did have a massive grin on her face. You might be wondering what she did to me? I wish I could say she just punched me in the face or kicked me in the bean bag, but no. The indignity I am currently suffering is far greater. For you see, she did something so heinous it may very well scar me for life.


    She drew hair on me with a permanent marker. And not just any permanent marker, but one specially made by that asshole Kisuke. I swear I''ll get my revenge someday.


    "After all I did to save you, this is the thanks I get¡­" I mumbled, making her snicker at me.


    "I think it looks good on you," Shinji said, grinning. I flipped him off, making everybody laugh.


    "Can we just get this over with? It is a school night you know," I said, yawning. I may have gotten some sleep in Hiyori''s mind, but I was still exhausted. Especially after channeling the ultimate power of the universe through me and using it to bang for two hours straight.


    "Right, little baby has to get ready for bed," Shinji mocked. I should be mad at that, but I get the feeling he''s jealous that I saved Hiyori and he didn''t. Wonder if he has a thing for her. If so, the best way to get back at him is pretty obvious.


    NTR.


    "Yep, he sure does. So if the asshole could speed this along, that would be great," I said, with a deadpan.


    "You little¡­"


    "Now, now, Shinji, let''s all remain calm. Hiyori, mind filling us in?" Kisuke asked.


    "Fine. It all started when I found that Hollow you warned us about¡­"


    It took several minutes for Hiyori to explain everything, especially with the constant interruptions. I wanted to look at my Quest, having heard the ding that let me know I have goodies to look through. But I don''t really have a chance with all these people around. I know they can''t see the screens or anything, but I don''t think staring at nothing was a good idea. Last thing I need is for them to think I''m crazy or something.


    Or, crazier, at any rate.


    She got to the point where she was chasing me through the warehouse district and blacked out when I nailed her in the balls. That''s apparently what allowed the Hollow to fully take over.


    "My bad," I said to her, getting a glare in return. But then of course, it was my turn to give my tale.


    "So young man, mind telling us what part you had to play in all this?" Kisuke asked, a glimmer of intrigue in his eyes. I sighed, feeling way too hungover for this crap.


    "Well, it all started when I ate some bad curry¡­"


    You know, as I was telling my riveting tale of heroics, I got the distinct impression that they didn''t believe me. Mostly because Shinji said, "I don''t believe you." I wonder where I lost them? Was it the horny ogre tied to a bed with a blindfold and a ball gag? Or maybe it was the part where I had to turn on the heaters to stop a blizzard? Either way, escaping a psych ward may be in my future.


    I didn''t actually tell them about all the game stuff, figuring that was no-no numero uno. I am not ready for them to know about my bullshit powers yet. Maybe in the future, but for now, better to keep them in the dark.


    Thankfully, dear, sweet Hiyori could actually confirm a lot of my story. Granted she may have called me out on an embellishment here or there, which was uncalled for in my opinion, but they couldn''t refute it when she explained that the Hollow was watching me through what was essentially a computer screen.


    Which was weird. You''d think I''d remember seeing some cameras or something, but nope. Either they were far too well hidden for my expert, ninja eyes, or there were some other hijinks involved. I''m leaning toward the latter.


    They got a good laugh at the part where I made out with the ogre, but Mashiro, who appeared sometime during the story with Kensei, cooed at how I avenged Hiyori''s death. Which the little blonde terror blamed me for, but I still got an extra point of Affection for it. The tsundere strikes again.


    This interrogation went on for about an hour and a half, and by the end of my story, my head felt like it had been kicked by a mule. Honestly, the whole thing could have waited until tomorrow, but noooo, they were far too curious to wait.


    Jerks.


    "Well, that was an¡­ interesting tale. But it does give us some insight into this Hollow we''re dealing with. I think it''s safe to say none of you should try and go after it," Kisuke said, an air of seriousness surrounding him.


    "Don''t tell me you actually believe this brat?" Shinji said in disbelief. I cannot wait until I am strong enough to punch him in the face with no repercussions. In fact, that might be a bigger goal of mine than kicking Aizen''s ass at this point.


    "You calling me a liar, Shinji?" Hiyori asked with more than a little heat in her tone. Guess that by calling me a liar, he was also calling her one too.


    "No, but who knows how that Hollow could have influenced you. It could have shown you exactly what it wanted you to see," he stated, trying to save his ass. Judging from the angry scowl on her face, I don''t think she bought it.


    "I believe you Hiyori," I said. I might be mad at her for giving me an ink toupee, but I disliked Shinji even more.


    "Shut up, dumbass!"


    "Can we get go back to the part where he fucked her Hollow? I''d like to know more about that," asked Lisa. Her question made Hiyori''s face turn red. I wonder what she was thinking about? Could it have been my glorious naked form afterward? Of perhaps the sounds of lovemaking she was subjected to?


    "Why do you want to talk about that, pervert!?" Hiyori yelled. Lisa shrugged, "It sounds interesting."


    "There was nothing interesting about it!"


    "We''ll never know unless we talk about it."


    "No!"


    "Actually, you bring up a good point, Lisa," Kisuke said, a hint of the mad scientist within coming out.


    "Huh? What do you mean by that Kisuke?" asked Love.


    "Did she really say you could use her powers all you want?" he asked, a curious gleam in his eye. Made me nervous as hell.


    "Uh, yeah. That''s what the bitch said. Why?" Hiyori asked, crossing her arms over her chest again.


    "Well, if what she says is the truth, then you might be able to hold your Hollow form indefinitely," he said, making all their eyes widen. I had already suspected something like that, so it didn''t really surprise me. But to hear the same thing coming out of a genius''s mouth made me feel pretty damn good about myself.


    "So does that mean you aren''t interested in what positions I used? Cause there was this one where she was upside down and-"


    "Shut it, baldy!" Hiyori yelled. I snickered at her red face. She was way too easy to rile up.


    "What''s wrong? Are you embarrassed because she looked just like you? Are you picturing yourself in her shoes? For shame, Hiyori, for shame," I said, shaking my head in disappointment.


    "That''s it, time to die!" she yelled, leaping at me. Guess I teased her a bit too much.


    As the two of us wrestled on the ground, with me trying to prevent her from strangling me to death, Kisuke turned to the rest of the Visoreds. "We''ll have to experiment to see if my hypothesis is true. If it is, this could be a game changer."


    "What, are we supposed to let the kid into our Inner Worlds so he can have his way with our Hollows?" asked Lisa in disbelief. Not that she was particularly opposed to it, it was just¡­ weird.


    "I don''t do dudes!" I shouted, a pair of tiny hands around my neck.


    "No, nothing like that. But it could provide some clues to help control them. I¡­ don''t know how yet, but I''m sure there''s something there," Kisuke said, sounding unsure of himself. Not that I could blame him, it sounded fucking ridiculous.


    "Whatever, it''s late, and I''m tired. Let''s just call it a night," Shinji said, rubbing his head. I know how you feel buddy! The loli trying to kill me wasn''t helping matters either.


    "Good idea. We can deal with this shit later," Kensei said, standing up. Mashiro, who was next to him, leapt onto his shoulders. "Weee! Kensei, I''m sleepy, carry me!"


    "What? You just don''t want to walk," he grumbled, but carried her all the same. Big old softy. I bet they''re banging.


    With that, they began to leave, one by one, until it was only Hiyori and I left in the warehouse. They weren''t just going to leave me here, were they? Nobody was that cruel. But as the lights turned out and I heard the door slam shut, I knew nobody was coming to save me.


    "Wait, hang on! Don''t leave me alone with her! Oi!" I shouted, but I was ignored.


    "Hey," a voice said. It was soft and dare I say it, demure. I looked up towards Hiyori, who was straddling me. Under normal circumstances I would be enjoying the fact that there was a beautiful woman on top of me, but when that woman could beat me in an arm wrestling contest and wanted to choke me out, well, that removed some of the enjoyment.


    "Um, yes, how may I help you?" I asked. I felt her small hands move away from my neck, making me sigh in relief. I''m all for getting a bit kinky in the bedroom, but that was a bit much.


    "Look, I just¡­ What I''m trying to say is¡­ Ugh, why is this so damn hard," she grumbled, leaning back. From this position, the light from the streetlamp coming through the window lit up her face at just the right angle. She was blushing, her eyes darting towards me and away repeatedly. Is this the rare, shy Hiyori? I felt like I just found a shiny Pok¨¦mon without using cheat codes.


    "Hey, is everything ok? I know you probably have a lot to process right now, so I''m sorry for joking around. It''s just, that''s how I handle stressful situations and that Shinji guy was being an ass so-hmph!" I shouted in surprise. Why am I surprised you ask? Well, that''s simple.


    Hiyori was kissing me. Her small mouth was pressed against my own and I could feel her trembling. I wonder if this is her first kiss? But rather than think about stupid things, I have more important matters at hand.


    I wrapped my arms around her waist, making her startle. It was so tiny I could almost touch my fingers together. I wasn''t forceful, I didn''t want her to feel trapped, but I was firm. I pulled her body flush with mine as I kissed her back.


    It was strange. Her lips felt so similar and yet so different from her Hollow''s. I''m not sure how that''s possible, considering they''re basically identical. Maybe because one of them is a Hollow? Who knows.


    She relaxed, and I heard her start to moan. Her hands went to my head, her finger tailing across its smooth surface. It was rather tame, all things considered, even if she was grinding into me a bit. I had to fight every instinct I had not to grab her by the ass and take her. Somehow, I doubt she''s ready to go that far yet.


    After nearly a minute of making out like horny teenagers, of which I actually am, Hiyori pulled back, a trail of saliva connecting our lips. I looked into her eyes, our faces inches apart and I could see something I didn''t expect to see. It wasn''t love or anything like that, but rather, sincerity.


    "Hiyori, what was that?" I asked, feeling out of breath. The make out session didn''t exactly help with my headache, as all the blood rushing south just made the pounding worse, but I sure as hell wasn''t going to stop her. It was worth the pain.


    "A kiss, dumbass, what else?" she responded in her usual snarky tone. I rolled my eyes, "You know what I mean. Why did you kiss me?"


    "I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about," she said, pushing her face away from mine while looking away. "And, you know, to say thanks. For saving me."


    I smiled as she mumbled the last part. "You''re welcome. But let''s try not to make a habit out of it. If I have to rescue you too much, I''ll have to change my name to Mario," I joked. Not sure she got it, but that''s fine. The joke was for me anyway.


    "Whatever. Let''s just get out of here. I''m ready for bed," she grumbled, moving to get off of me, only to stop. I stared at her, confused, as she sent a glare my way. "Oh, and you tell anyone about this, you''re dead."


    "It''ll be our little secret," I said, making her snort. She leaned backwards, ready to get off me, when she stopped, again. I raised an eyebrow at her, but let out a groan as she wiggled her hips.


    "What the hell! Is that-Are you?" she asked but was unable to finish her sentence.


    "Well what did you expect? A beautiful girl laying on top of me and sticking her tongue in my mouth. How could that not excite me?" I asked. She continued to try and say something, but she couldn''t find the words. And me, well, I was scared that if I moved a muscle, I''d find myself on the wrong side of her hand. I did not want to get slapped.


    "You¡­ you¡­ pervert!" she yelled, jumping off of me. I watched in amusement as she fled. I don''t really get what the big deal was, she''s seen me naked. Whatever, girls are weird.


    As a girl, I must disagree. You are the weird one here.


    "Oh, hey Sarah. Been wondering where you were," I said, standing up. I dusted myself off before leaving the warehouse. It was now time for the long trek home. Fuck, why did they have to be on the other side of town?


    Sorry about that, I didn''t want to distract you during the fight. And then there was what happened with the Hollow and I''ve been a bit¡­ distracted.


    "Well I hope you enjoyed the show," I remarked as we left the home of the Visoreds.


    That¡­ I wasn''t¡­ Research, I was doing research!


    "Is that what they''re calling it these days?"


    Oh shut up. Anyway, are you going to check your Quest?


    "Naw, I''ll deal with that tomorrow. I can barely think straight as it is," I said, yawning. The whole thing with Hiyori took less than thirty seconds in the real world but I spent damn near a day in there. I was more than ready for some shut eye.


    Sounds good. Try not to walk in front of traffic.


    "Yeah, yeah," I muttered.


    I survived my first Dungeon. Now all I have to do is survive high school.


    Fuck¡­

 Chapter 29

    Twas the night before school


    And all through the house


    Not a creature was stirring


    Not even a-


    *Beep*


    *Beep*


    *Beep*


    The fuck is that?


    Opening my bloodshot eyes, I searched in vain for that most evil of sounds. It was the siren''s call of the devil, luring me into hell. Also known as an alarm clock. But I can''t for the life of me remember setting one. Though I was pretty tired last night with a pounding headache, so¡­ maybe?


    I reached over to where I thought the sound was coming from, but the alarm clock felt¡­ off. Since when are they so furry? Or squirmy? Or squeaky? Just as I was starting to figure out something wasn''t quite right, a sharp pain came from my hand.


    "Ow! God damn it!" I yelled, sitting up, now much more awake than before. I looked at my hand and saw a bit of blood coming out of a fresh wound. It looked like something just took a bite out of me.


    Looking over, I saw a rat hiss at me before scurrying away. I sat there, blinking uncomprehendingly as the large rodent fled to parts unknown. Once it was gone, I sighed, falling back into the soft embrace of my bed.


    "Great and now I have rabies, just what I always wanted. Maybe I should get a cat? Wonder if Yoruichi''s available?" I mumbled, letting out a big yawn. I then used my Healing Hands Ability to fix up my bleeding hand. I didn''t see a pop up that said I actually have rabies, so I''m probably in the clear.


    After that, I started looking around for the real culprit in all this. That accursed alarm clock that dared to awaken my slumber. Only to realize, I don''t have an alarm clock, because I''m poor as shit. Or I was, but still! That only leaves one culprit.


    "Sarah, the fuck?" I asked, staring up at my filth covered ceiling. The headache from last night was mostly gone, but I have a strange feeling that school would bring it back with a vengeance.


    Hey, don''t get mad at me. You were the one who told me to make sure you got up on time.


    "That doesn''t sound like me. Sleeping in is more my style. You know how I like to roll the dice with my bladder."


    Well, you did. Now I suggest you start getting ready. You only have about 90 minutes before school starts.


    "Are you telling me you got me up an hour before I needed to leave? For shame, Sarah, for shame. Don''t you know highschool boys must scramble to be on time? You have destroyed a time honored tradition," I told her, and I could practically feel the roll of her eyes.


    Women¡­


    Get your lazy ass up before I start playing polka music.


    "And here I thought torture was beneath you," I chirped, before forcing myself out of my nice, warm bed. I shivered as the chilly morning air bombarded my naked form. With another yawn, I made my way towards the bathroom, ready to give my toilet a golden shower.


    After that, I took a nice, lukewarm shower, because my water heater freaking sucks. Though not for long. I may not have time now, but once I got home, it was time to install my pilfered goods and a fancy new water heater just so happened to be one of them. Hopefully it was the right size.


    And if not, I''ll make it. That''s how plumbing works right? If it doesn''t fit, force it. Pretty sure I read that in a book. Or was it a hentai¡­


    Unfortunately, I was unable to wash off the damn hair Hiyori drew on my head last night. I tried, really I did, but it just wouldn''t come off. Damn you Kisuke. Why would he even make a product like this? Was he drunk or something? Doesn''t matter, I''ll have to find something to cover it up, an act that pained me greatly.


    After getting nice and clean, (mostly) I made my way to the kitchen. I then proceeded to pull some food out of my Inventory, so I could make breakfast, namely, omelets. I also plugged in my new toaster as well, making a couple pieces of unburnt toast. Yes, things are looking up for good old Ushio.


    Once breakfast was cooked, I decided to finally take a look at my finished Quest and everything else I received from completing the Dungeon. It was quite a bit, not gonna lie. The first thing I noticed was a rather nice Stat boost.


    Due to possessing the soul of a powerful spiritual being, increase Spirit by 20.


    Hot damn! It''s like I just gained an extra ten levels! I assume that''s because of Hiyori forcing her soul into my body. Didn''t think that would happen because of it, but I''m not complaining. I''ll have to find some way to thank her later.


    Then I remembered what she did to my beautiful bald head. No, I don''t owe her shit.


    Now for the Quest.


    -Quest Complete-


    <u>Rescue Hiyori</u>


    Hiyori has been possessed by her Inner Hollow and it''s all your fault. What are you going to do about it?


    <u>Reward</u>


    -Gain 5 Affection with Hiyori Sarugaki


    -Gain 5 Affection with the rest of the Visoreds


    -Gain 500 exp


    -Gain 1 Ability Upgrade Token


    -Gain 5 Spirit


    -Evolutionary path unlocked: Visored


    <u>Bonus Rewards</u>


    For rescuing Kubikiri Orochi from her cell, you gain the following rewards.


    -Gain 5 Affection to Kubikiri Orochi


    -500 Exp


    -Midlight Shard


    -Gain 2 Power Crystals


    -Gain 1 Item Upgrade Token


    -Gain 1 Perk Point


    -Piece of Elite Shadow Operative Gear


    <u>Secret Rewards</u>


    Didn''t think it was possible, but you have tamed Hiyori''s Inner Hollow, gaining the following rewards.


    -Gain 5 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki and Kubikiri Orochi


    -Obtain Perk: Hollow Heart


    -Gain 1,000 Exp


    -Gain 3 Power Crystals


    -Midlight Shard


    -Gain 10,000 Yen


    <u>Hollow Heart</u>


    Makes controlling one''s Inner Hollow much easier. Increases Affection gain with female Hollows by 1.


    Ok, yep, that''s a lot. My Spirit was looking pretty op right about now. I''ve basically tripled it during this little excursion. And I now have 5 whole Power Crystals to spend. Kinda wish they weren''t random, but I can''t complain too much. It''s like gaining another 12 levels!


    Speaking of, I was now Level 13 as well. Soon I would no longer be a bottom feeder, but an apex predator ready to fuck shit up. I''m looking at you Aizen, you dick!


    And that Perk¡­ Well I''m sure it''ll be useful in the future, what with my ability to become a Visored unlocked without needing the Deus ex Machina that is the Hogyoku. Not sure how I feel about the second half of the Perk though¡­ Oh well, maybe it''ll save my life down the road.


    Or get you laid.


    "Yes, or get me-hey! Did you have something to do with this!" I asked. Demanded might be a better word for it.


    How could you suggest such a thing? To accuse me, an angel, of such impropriety¡­ The nerve!


    "Ok, Sarah, your bullshit fake offended tone ain''t fooling anyone."


    Ignoring the horny angel living vicariously through me, I was also happy about getting two more Upgrade Tokens. I wanted to use them immediately, one on Shadow Double, because what a BS power that is, and the other on my bed, wanting to make it the ultimate sleep apparatus. But I held off, figuring I might have something better to spend it on.


    And if not, bed it is!


    I''m also 20% closer to being able to summon a giant snake, so that was neat. Just 7 more Midlight Shards and daddy had a new Ability. But with that, I think it''s time to spend those Power Crystals. Fingers crossed for some more Intelligence!


    Agility: plus 5


    Strength: plus 5


    Wisdom: plus 5


    Strength: plus 5


    Wisdom: plus 5


    Ok, well, not the best, but I''ll take it. With that done, let''s take a look at ye old Stats, shall we?


    <u>Stats</u>


    Level: 13 (975/1,800)


    This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source.


    Health: 662/662


    Stamina: 389/389


    Reiryoku: 1,184/1,184


    Strength: 71


    Agility: 32


    Vitality: 39


    Intelligence: 20


    Wisdom: 40


    Spirit: 77


    Charisma: 8


    Unused Points: 2


    Man¡­ being in a regular human body sure makes me feel weak. I was getting pretty used to seeing them with my Spirit and Equipment added, so to see my Health and Stamina so low¡­


    I need to hit the gym, that''s my takeaway from this. Not sure how much it will help, but the path of swole is a long and arduous one, filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. But as a staunch disciple, I shall not falter.


    Finally, I took a gander at the final piece of the Silent One Equipment Set. Turns out, it was a scarf. Not sure if that''s the best thing for a ninja to wear, and I have a sneaking suspicion that I was going to get it caught on something and choke myself out, but I couldn''t deny the style points it gave me.


    Or the set bonus, because that was apparently a thing too. This one gave me the Ability: Camouflage.


    <u>Camouflage</u>


    By standing completely still, allows one to blend in with their surroundings. Takes 10 seconds for the camouflage to take effect. Any sudden movement will cause the camouflage to end.


    Ain''t that nice? I''m becoming quite the ambush predator. Not sure how helpful it''ll be in the long run, but more Abilities never hurt anyone. Unless, of course, they had too many and couldn''t decide which one to use resulting in their untimely death. But what are the odds of that happening to me?


    ¡­Don''t answer that.


    Once breakfast was done, which I added a bit of extra protein to, (For the gains!) it was time to get ready. In other words, I should probably put on pants. I mean, I''m pretty sure I could take the cops if they tried to arrest me for indecent exposure, but I''d rather not have to deal with that so early in the morning.


    Maybe later, but not right now.


    I also needed to find something to cover up the travesty that was my head. What was normally a work of art was reduced to something even the proudest of parents wouldn''t put on their fridge.


    But alas, I could find nothing. Good thing I have gaming powers and can look shit up on the Shopping Menu. I didn''t have time to look for long, so I ended up just getting a basic black beanie for 500 Yen. Thankfully it should be here before I have to leave.


    Once that was done I decided to swap out my fridge for the stolen one that actually works, because mine is on its last legs. Better to do it now rather than later, as I do not want to come home to some expired milk. I''d replace everything else, but I don''t have the time for that. Plus, this should make it nice and cold by the time I get back.


    So I dragged the broken fridge away from the wall, unplugged it, and shoved it into my Inventory. Then, I took out the new one, plugged it in, and slid it back into place. The whole thing took about a minute. I had a small grin as I heard it start up without making a crackling sound.


    Once that was done, I brushed my pearl whites and donned my uniform. It was a bit of a tight fit, what with my enormous muscles and all. And the less said about the tightness of the pants, the better. I also had on my Gigachad Ogre Loincloth, just in case I fuck up with the ladies.


    Oh damn, was Sarah getting to me?


    Muahahaha.


    ¡­No, couldn''t be. Not wanting to mess up with cute girls is completely normal for a teenage boy. Yea, that''s it. I''m not succumbing to my base desires to spread my seed far and wide.


    Not at all. On an unrelated note, I''m looking forward to seeing Tatsuki again.


    The last thing I did before leaving was Equipping my Silver Tongue Title. Figure it was my best bet since I likely won''t be facing combat or anything.


    It was during this time that my package arrived. I opened the door to see a small unmarked box. Kinda made me feel like I ordered something I wasn''t supposed to. You know, some dark web shit. I took it inside before opening it, placing the beanie on my head with a frown.


    I really do hate having to cover up something so beautiful. But needs must and all that.


    As I left my "lovely abode" I made sure to lock the door before heading out. Not sure it would really do anything, as the lock was more decorative than anything else, but at least I can say I tried.


    I winced slightly at the bright morning sun bitch slapped me. Maybe I should wage a crusade against it. Like, if I ever get yeeted into Star Wars I can steal the Death Star and blow up a few suns.


    ¡­Man, I''m sleepy. I''m not normally this megalomaniacal so early in the morning. Hopefully that''ll pass by lunchtime. But considering I''m going to be in school, chances are it will only increase.


    Eh, I''m sure it''ll be fine.


    I was about halfway to school, give or take, when I spotted a wild Tatsuki. I damn near gave a wolf whistle when I saw her in her school uniform. Dem legs... Not entirely sure how those skirts are legal, given they barely cover anything and the slightest breeze delivers all the fanservice a guy could want.


    Unfortunately for me, the wind was as calm as could be. Because I can''t have nice things apparently. But at the very least the hope it brought was keeping me up. Maybe I should have had some coffee rather than sak¨¦ with my breakfast? Then again, I don''t have a coffee machine.


    Tatsuki seemed to be waiting for someone, if the impatient tapping of her foot was any indication. She also seemed to have a scowl on her face, glaring up at an apartment building.


    It doesn''t seem like she''s noticed me yet, which gave me an idea. A large grin lit up my face as I quietly made my way towards the unsuspecting girl. Luckily for me, there didn''t seem to be anyone around to warn her of what was about to happen.


    Or call the cops, because I looked pretty darn suspicious. The worst part is that I wouldn''t even be able to blame them. A 6''3" guy with muscles that belonged more on a comic book character than a real person sneaking up on a petite girl a foot shorter than him?


    I can practically feel the cold, steel toilet against my ass as I try to poop. No thank you.


    "Will you hurry up already!? We''re going to be late!" Tatsuki shouted. For a second, I thought she was talking to me. But given that she didn''t look in my direction, I have to assume she was talking to whoever was in the building.


    Perfect, that means my surprise is intact.


    I reached her just as she was about to yell at the building once again, and wrapped my hands around her eyes.


    "Hey Tatsuki! Guess wh-urgh!"


    So I may have made a teeny, tiny miscalculation. I have forgotten that Tatsuki is a violent tomboy. And how do violent tomboys react when somebody they aren''t aware of puts their hand on them?


    -36 Hp


    If you answered an elbow to the ribs, congratulations, you win!


    "Wha? Ushio!? The hell do you think you''re doing?" she asked, hands on her hips. Guess she doesn''t feel bad about dropping me.


    "Making bad choices," I wheezed out, clutching my poor side. It wasn''t like it did any real damage, but I wasn''t prepared for it either.


    "Clearly. You should know better than to sneak up on a girl like that," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.


    "Most girls can''t drop me with an elbow," I argued back. She rolled her eyes but she did have a small blush on her face. Did she think that was a complement? Well if she did, I sure as hell wasn''t going to say anything to the contrary.


    "You may have a point. Anyway, I''m glad to see you didn''t die last night," she said.


    "Aw, were you worried about me? How sweet," I said, making her blush even harder.


    "Worried? About you? Psh, as if," she claimed, looking away. I chuckled a bit at her tsundere side, before giving her a curious look.


    "So, is there some reason you''re shouting at a building at this godforsaken hour?" I asked. This actually made her give a sigh.


    "Yeah, I''m waiting on a friend of mine. She overslept and now she can''t get her clothes right, apparently," Tastuki said, sounding frustrated. Man, being a girly girl sounds like hell.


    "How can she not get her clothes right?" I asked, sounding genuinely confused. Tatsuki gave me a look, one that said I was an idiot. She then gave me a once over and I could see the disappointment in her eyes.


    "Not wrinkled, for one. And what''s with your tie?" she asked, making me look at my appearance. Ok, so I wasn''t at the top of my game. If she knew all the crap I had to put up with last night, she wouldn''t be so judgmental. But even so, I didn''t really see the problem.


    "What''s wrong with my tie?" I asked. Now her look was one of disbelief and exasperation.


    "I think the better question is, what''s right with it? Come here, let me fix it," she said. Shrugging, I stepped towards the cute, petite girl. She reached up and adjusted my tie, making sure it was put on properly, and not all cockeyed.


    "There we go," she said, patting the tie down. Her hands remained resting on my chest as she gave me a smile. I couldn''t help but think of how pretty she looked.


    "Uh, thanks," I said, a bit of red in my own cheeks now. Did she even realize how close we are? How intimate that whole thing was? Or did she have her tomboy blinders on?


    Just as I was about to say something, not sure what exactly, a new voice interrupted our moment.


    "Um, Tatsuki? Who''s this?"


    The two of us turned to see a confused looking girl with bright orange hair and huge boobs. I didn''t look right at them, of course, as Tatsuki was well within striking distance of my balls, but my peripherals let me know all about them.


    Tatsuki, who finally seemed to realize how close she was, turned as red as I''ve ever seen her and jumped away like a cat getting sprayed with water. Well at least she didn''t punch me again.


    "Oh, Orihime, I didn''t see you there. How are you?" Tatsuki stammered, nervously.


    "I''m good. How are you?" asked the bubbly girl, a big smile on her face. You couldn''t see it, because of the beanie, but I''m sweat dropping right now. Did she already forget about me? Was that even possible? Was she a goldfish or something?


    "Oh, me? Good, I''m good," Tatsuki responded.


    "That''s good," said Orihime.


    "Uh, I''m good too. Not that anybody asked," I said, raising my hand. Orihime gave me a surprised look, while Tatsuki levelled me with a glare. Not sure what I did to deserve that, but fine.


    "Oh, I''m so sorry. How rude of me," Orihime said, sounding genuinely remorseful. I could only blink in response, not sure what I''m supposed to say to that. Tatsuki herself let out another exasperated sigh, but at least it wasn''t because of me this time.


    "You don''t need to apologize. Anyway, let me introduce the two of you. His name is Ushio. Don''t let his size fool you, he''s just a big old softy," she said, pointing to me with her thumb. I did my best to glare at her, but I don''t think it did anything.


    "And this is Orihime, my best friend. So don''t get any funny ideas, got it?" Tatsuki warned, placing her arm around her friend''s shoulder. I could only roll my eyes at her threat.


    "Wouldn''t think of it, Tatsuki. I''m more into tomboys anyway," I said, giving her a smirk, making her face once more turn red.


    "Anyway, it''s nice to meet you, Orihime," I said, holding out my hand for her to shake, which she did so with a bit of confusion mixed in with no small amount of joy.


    "It''s nice to meet you too. So Tatsuki, is this the boy you were telling me about?" Orihime asked. I could see in real time as the tomboy''s face morphed into a look of mortification. It was highly entertaining.


    "Oh, and just what have you been saying about me?" I asked, a shit eating grin on my face.


    "None of your business! Come on, Orihime!" Tatsuki said, grabbing the befuddled girl by the arm and dragging her away. I chuckled as I followed.


    It was pretty interesting listening to the near insane babblings of Orihime. Pretty sure she thinks I''m some kind of luchador. Maybe I can make that theory come true when I eventually make it to the underground fighting arena.


    For the lolz.


    Eventually, we came across another familiar face.


    "Hey, Ichigo," I greeted as he walked out of his house gate. Tatsuki and Orihime came to a stop, with Orihime hiding behind Tatsuki. Given that her face wasn''t beat red, I assume she has yet to develop a crush on him.


    "Oh, hey. What are you all doing here?" Ichigo asked.


    I shrugged, "Just heading to jail. I mean hell. I mean school." The others gave a little chuckle at that, except for Orihime. Pretty sure Tatsuki said something about her being excited about school, so she was the outlier. Everyone else knew what a horrible institution school was.


    "Oh yeah? Not sure I want to go to any of those," Ichigo mentioned, as we all started walking again, with me next to Ichigo, who was on the far right, Tasuki on my left and Orihime next to her.


    "Believe me, you''re not the only one. Half tempted to skip and battle it out with the truant officers. Go down in a blaze of glory, you know?" I said.


    "Sounds like more fun than school," Ichigo commented.


    "What''s wrong with school?" Orihime asked, sounding genuinely curious. Might have to get this girl to a priest, cause it sounds like she''s speaking in tongues.


    "Nothing at all Orihime, they''re just being boys," Tatsuki assured her.


    "I''ll remember you said that when we''re studying for a test," I snarked, getting a tongue pointed in my direction. Real mature.


    "By the way what''s up with that beanie?" Ichigo asked.


    Shit, that''s the one thing I didn''t want them to be curious about. He could have asked about my health after his sister fed me poison, but no. It''s all about the damn beanie.


    "You know, I''ve been wondering the same thing," Tatsuki said, giving me a curious look. And wouldn''t you know it, Orihime piled right on in too. Great, now I need to think of something, and quick!


    "Um¡­ skin cancer," I stated. That was not the answer I should have given. Not even my Title was going to help me now.


    "Skin cancer¡­" Tatsuki repeated, and I could hear the disbelief in her voice.


    "Listen, you might not know this as someone with a natural head covering, but the threat of skin cancer is a real issue for someone like me," I commented, sounding just about as offended as I could.


    Tatsuki and Ichigo shared a look. "Right¡­" they both said.


    For a moment, I thought that would be the end of it. For one blissful, ignorant moment. But just as soon as it appeared, it was over.


    "Let me see," Tatsuki demanded, reaching up to grab the beanie off my head. Unfortunately for her, I was too fast, and I managed to grab onto it, preventing her sneaky hands from taking their prize.


    "Hey, stop that! Are you trying to kill me!?" I asked, jumping away from her.


    "How is taking that thing off your head going to kill you?" Tatsuki asked, adopting a ready position, an eager grin on her face.


    "I told you already, skin cancer! Just because I''ll die slowly, doesn''t mean it wouldn''t be your fault!" I shouted, as the two of us began circling each other. One looking to escape, and the other seeking to embarrass the first.


    "Oh come on, I know you''re hiding something! Just let me see," Tatsuki demanded, lunging for me. Unfortunately for her, I have gained much in the way of experience since last night, and I dodged to the left, taking off at a run.


    "Somebody help! The tomboy is picking on me!" I shouted as I ran away, said tomboy hot on my heels.


    "Get back here!" she shouted.


    Ichigo and Orihime exchanged a look, with the big boobied girl giving him a nervous smile. "Should we¡­ do something?" she asked, sounding unsure. Ichigo only sighed, looking bored by the whole thing.


    "I''m not getting involved in whatever that is," he said, before casually continuing his walk to school. Orihime wasn''t sure what to make of that, but when she realized that she was the only one left standing there, she panicked.


    "Hey! Wait for me!" she shouted, racing to catch up to us.


    The first day of school was looking to be interesting at the very least. Hopefully I can get through it with my dignity intact.


    Ah hell, did I just raise another flag?

 Chapter 30

    Things were not going as I had planned. Although, to say I had a plan would be a gross overstatement. My current situation was still less than ideal. Particularly the part where the cute tomboy was currently laughing her ass off at me.


    "Bahahahaha!"


    That was her, if you couldn''t tell. She was doubled over, holding onto her gut, pointing at me while doing her best impression of a hyena. She was not, unfortunately, rolling on the floor with laughter, as that would at least let me see up her skirt.


    As it was, I could only sit on the pavement, contorting my face into the manliest pout I could.


    But you might be wondering what led to this situation. Well, let me weave you a tale of the not-so-distant past¡­


    There I was, fleeing for my dignity, Tatsuki hot on my heels. I could feel her presence right behind me, drawing ever closer with each passing second. She called out to me, demanding my unconditional surrender.


    But Ushio does not surrender. He is far too much of a pain in the ass to ever consider such an option. So he, or I, continued to sprint away. I turned back to look at her, to see how much distance there was between us.


    Not much. Those long, smooth legs of hers were sure fast. And you see, that was my downfall. Taken out by a tiny skirt that left very little to my imagination.


    Also a truck.


    You see, distracted as I was by dem legs, I failed to realize that I had wandered into traffic. And as I jaywalked, or ran, technically, I was struck by none other than Truck-kun, seeking to Isekai me once again.


    Not sure what I did to piss him off, but he tried his damndest to take me out. As the bumper struck my not so fragile person, I remember a feeling of weightlessness, like a bird soaring on an updraft. It was incredibly freeing.


    My collision with the ground, however¡­ not so much. Kind of the exact opposite of freedom, honestly.


    As I lay there on the cold, hard asphalt, Truck-kun vanished into thin air, as if he was never there to begin with. Or he took off like a bat out of hell, standard hit and run practice. Probably didn''t want to deal with the police.


    Or the insurance company.


    Tatsuki called my name in worry, running up to me and kneeling by my side. What a sweet girl she is. Of course, I made the terrible mistake of telling her I was just fine, rising to my feet like I hadn''t been almost assassinated by a speeding vehicle.


    In retrospect, that was a mistake. I should have gone for the sympathy play rather than the alpha male bravado route I chose. If I had, what happened next might not have happened.


    Seeing that I was just fine, Tatsuki released a sigh of relief before her expression morphed into one of cat-like mischief. You know the one. It was both nerve inducing and arousing.


    Before I knew what was happening, she had my beanie in her hand, staring up at my bald head blankly. That didn''t last for very long, however, because as soon as her brain computed what it saw, the laughter began.


    And now you''re all caught up.


    I glared at Tatsuki who continued to laugh at me. Even though I was irritated with her, I couldn''t help but be impressed with her lung capacity. I don''t think she''s taken a breath this entire time.


    I''ll have to keep that in mind for later. Future Ushio is a lucky man.


    "Are you done yet?" present Ushio asked as her laughter eventually started to peter out.


    "Yeah, just¡­ hoo boy, give me a minute," she said, little giggles escaping her lips every time she took a glance at me. It was about this time when Ichigo and Orihime caught up to us.


    Because why wouldn''t it be?


    "Oh my gosh, Tatsuki! Are you ok?" Orihime asked, seeing her teary-eyed friend. If only she knew those tears were due to mocking me, maybe she wouldn''t be so concerned.


    "I''m fine, but Ushio-snrk-Ushio looks pretty bad. Maybe you should take a look at him?" she suggested, barely able to keep in the laughter. I will so get her back for this. Her and the blond midget.


    "Oh, are you in¡­ jured?" Orihime said, her tone delving into steep confusion as she laid eyes on me. Or more specifically, my head.


    "Geez, I thought you liked being bald. Or was all that bravado?" Ichigo asked, a smirk on his face. It was weird, seeing the amused face of his mixed with his natural resting bitch face.


    "Baldness is nothing to be ashamed about Ushio. But if you''re really that embarrassed, I think my neighbor has an old toupee you could have," Orihime chimed in with her usual bubbly demeanor.


    A bubbly demeanor that didn''t help matters in the slightest, as her suggestion sent Tatsuki into another fit of uproarious laughter. Hell, even Ichigo looked like he was about to burst out laughing, and I don''t remember that guy laughing ever!


    "I¡­ appreciate the thought, Orihime, but I''m not embarrassed about being bald. Some shit went down last night, and an evil little goblin pulled a prank on me, that''s all," I said, doing my best not to be a dick to the overly kind girl.


    And not just because it would hurt my relationship with Tatsuki. Hurting Orihime''s feelings wouldn''t be much different than kicking a puppy. Only someone on the level of a Disney villain would do something so callous.


    Like Dio.


    "A goblin?" Orihime asked, confused, tilting her head.


    "Yep, an incredibly violent, blonde goblin," I remarked, my tone bland.


    "So why don''t you just wash it off?" asked Ichigo, still with a cocky smirk on his face.


    "I tried. Damn stuff won''t come off. Maybe I should have tried paint remover¡­" I mumbled, getting a sweat drop from the others.


    "Well I think it looks good," Tatsuki said, but her tone was anything but sincere, making me glare at her.


    "Haha, very funny. Give me that," I said, snatching the beanie from her. She continued to snicker even as I put it on.


    "Now, can we just go to school already," I said, putting it back on before stomping off.


    "Come on, don''t pout! Wait for us!" Tatsuki said, racing to catch up, likely so she can tease me some more.


    Along the way we met up with another familiar face, and one of the few people actually taller than myself, Chad. Ichigo greeted him with the utmost enthusiasm, which meant he basically said, "Sup."


    And Chad returned such a boisterous greeting with one of his own.


    "Hey."


    After that, Ichigo introduced us to his best buddy. I say us, but Tatsuki already knew who he was, so it was just me and Orihime meeting someone new. And apparently, because Chad and I were so tall, Orihime believed we must be related.


    Not sure how she came to that conclusion, but she was awfully proud of her "deduction." Tatsuki sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying her best to steer her friend away from the wild conspiracy theories she was rambling off when we told her we weren''t related.


    Her first one involved me getting abducted by aliens. She chose me because I''m bald and figured I must have lost my hair during the probing. Then, when the aliens were finished with my rectum, they forgot where they picked me up, and left me in Japan, where I would, after years of being apart, find my long lost brother.


    Yeah¡­ she''s a bit of a weird one, but I bet she''d have a killer podcast. After all, if Alex Jones could do it, so can she. Her tits are way bigger!


    Tatsuki found that particular theory hilarious, probably because I get probed in it. She was leaning against me for support, unable to keep herself from falling over laughing.


    Hell, I''m pretty sure I even heard Chad chuckle at that one.


    I enjoyed the one where I was taken and raised by ninjas, trained as a deadly assassin to help an evil organization take over the world. But when I learned of their plans, I fled, but not before sabotaging them.


    Bet she''d freak if she caught me in my ninja getup.


    The five of us continued making our way towards school, tuning out the possibly insane girl''s ramblings. As fun as it was to secretly watch her giant honkers bounce around with her enthusiastic storytelling, having to listen to it was mind numbing.


    How did Tatsuki put up with it all the time? Looking over at her, I could see the dead eyed stare of a drowned fish. She was checked all the way out.


    Guess that''s how she did it.


    But she also seemed to know when Orihime switched from something insane to a regular topic, like hoping they''re all in the same homeroom. Tatsuki''s eyes immediately gained sentience to them as she engaged the other girl in idle gossip.


    It was kind of impressive, not gonna lie.


    But eventually we reached the front gates. We made our way into the courtyard amongst the throngs of other students. As we did, my razor sharp ears picked up on a few curious snippets.


    "Oh my gosh, look at them? Are they delinquents?"


    "They have to be. I mean look at that guy''s hair. No one but a delinquent would dye their hair that color."


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    "Oh him. I heard he''s part of a gang. How could they let someone in like that?"


    "Well, sounds like we''re popular," I commented dryly. Ok, so maybe I didn''t need the ears of a fox to hear the bullshit, because they were not being subtle about it.


    "You can thank Ichigo for that. Maybe if he didn''t go around picking a fight with every juvenile delinquent in town, people wouldn''t think you''re one of them," Tatsuki remarked, giving him an exasperated look.


    "Shut up," Ichigo so eloquently responded.


    It was weird, how fixated they were on his hair. That was what seemed to be the tipping point for most of them. A few mentioned mine and Chad''s height being the reason we were so scary, but they were few and far in between. Guess weird hair color is just more frightening than two large, muscle bound dudes.


    I was a bit offended when they called us his henchmen. What, just because I''m big and jacked, I can''t be the boss? That''s a harmful stereotype, and I won''t stand for it!


    From the corner of my eye, I spotted more familiar faces. Keigo and Mizuiro. Keigo looked like he was about to piss himself, while his friend looked mostly bored. I wondered why they were so nervous around us when I remembered they weren''t exactly friends with Ichigo and Chad before school.


    How did they become friends again? Eh, probably not important.


    But before I could worry about that, we first needed to find out what class we''re in. Thankfully, the staff made finding out pretty convenient. They set up a large board right outside the school building.


    Isn''t that nice of them?


    Our fellow students parted like the red sea as we approached. It almost made me feel like I was in a gang or something. Oh wait, they think we are in a gang. Well I''m sure once they take notice of my sunny disposition and award winning personality, they''ll think differently.


    Or double down, I don''t really care.


    "Looks like I''m in¡­ class 1-C. Hey, we all are," I said. I could swear I heard Keigo let loose a wail of despair at that. Dude really needs to calm the hell down, else I might actually be tempted to take his lunch money.


    "Awesome. Looks like this year might be better than I thought," Tatsuki said, saddling up to me. I grinned, wrapping my arm around her.


    "You mean because we''ll be in the same class?"


    "Psh, you wish!" she retorted, elbowing me in the stomach, making me let go of her. But don''t think for a second I don''t see that little smile you''re trying to hide.


    "Oh my gosh Tatsuki, isn''t this great! I knew doing that ritual was the right move," Orihime said, smiling brightly. Ok, red flag alert! Red flag! This is not a drill people! I repeat, this is not a drill!


    "Um, Orihime? What ritual are you talking about?" Tatsuki asked nervously. Given Orihime''s personality, it could be anything. Probably what had Tatsuki so freaked out.


    "Oh, it was this one on the back of this occult magazine I found. It said, If you wish to have the best High School life, you must do the macarena during a new moon while chanting your desire. Looks like it worked," Orihime said. Not sure what kind of magazine that was but at least she didn''t sacrifice a goat or something.


    False flag, everybody. Return to your stations.


    Seeing Tatsuki''s relieved look she must have been thinking the same thing. Well, maybe not the exact same thing. Doubt her head had soldiers in it ready to go to war. Ironically, given the universe I''m in, that doesn''t immediately make me insane.


    "I see. Thanks for that Orihime," she said, patting the happy girl on the head.


    "No problem Tatsuki!"


    "Hey, can we go now?" Ichigo asked.


    "Hm, yeah we probably should. Don''t want to be late on our first day," Tatsuki agreed. I shrugged and started to follow. But as I was entering the building, I caught something from the corner of my eye. It was a rough looking guy, by which I mean constipated looking. Bro''s face was scrunched up so bad he probably hasn''t shit in weeks.


    I do not envy him when the time comes. It''s going to be messy.


    He was talking over the phone while glaring at us. Don''t know why he would be mad at me, I haven''t done anything to the guy. I think¡­ No, I''m pretty sure I''d remember a guy with resting bitch face that bad. It was even worse than Ichigo''s, and that''s saying something.


    "Hey, everything alright?" Ichigo asked, having noticed my standing in the doorway. I turned to look at him as he spoke, but when I turned back around, the guy was gone. Shrugging, I fully entered the building.


    "Yeah, sorry. It was probably nothing," I said, walking next to him. We caught up to the others, making our way to the classroom. For some reason, the Japanese school system liked to punish its youth, placing the first years classes on the third floor. You''d think with a class number of 1-C it would be on the first floor, but nope!


    Bunch of assholes¡­


    Guess the view will be better, at least for those who get a window seat, but for everyone else, there''s no real benefit beyond cardio. You''re just shit out of luck.


    Regardless of my internal dialogue, the five of us made it up the third floor, heading for our classroom. Opening the door, I took note of the people already gathered inside. I only recognized a few, such as Tatsuki and Orihime''s future friends, though I admit to having no idea what their names were, only that one of them appeared to be a loli and the other could give Orihime a run for her money for who has the biggest jugs.


    However, there was one person whose name I do know. Uryu Ishida, the "last" Quincy. Seeing that four eyed asshole reminded me that Aizen wasn''t the only prick I had to deal with. There was also Yuwah, or whatever his name was. Honestly, I wasn''t the biggest fan of the last arc, so I don''t remember much about the characters.


    Anyway, he was here, sitting as prim and proper as he could, making a plank of wood look like it took yoga classes. Seriously, he looked more like a display mannequin than a high schooler. Was he sitting on a stick? How else could he keep up that posture?


    My back hurts just thinking about it.


    As we made our way further into the room, Tatsuki suddenly stopped. She started looking around, a suspicious look in her eyes, her entire form screaming anxiety.


    "Hey Tatsuki, you ok?" I asked. She didn''t look at me, continuing to glance around the room, but she did answer me.


    "I feel a¡­ disturbance in the force."


    Did my¡­ did my heart just skip a beat? Did a beautiful woman just quote Star Wars to me? I didn''t even think they had that here, considering Yoruichi didn''t seem to know who Obi-Wan Kenobi was. Maybe she just wasn''t a movie buff?


    However, before I could open my mouth to profess my love for her, or something as equally mortifying, I caught sight of something from the corner of my eye.


    Doing that a lot today it seems. But at least this one wasn''t nearly as ugly. Probably just as psychotic though.


    It was a girl, one with wine red colored hair and glasses. I also just so happened to recognize this one as well, Chizuru. At least, I think that''s her name. While I may not have been sure about that, what I am sure about is that she''s the raging lesbian of the series, currently sneaking up on Orihime to get a handful of her jiggling jugglies.


    And it was up to me to put a stop to it. Just because Chizuru is a girl, did not mean she got a free pass to sexually harass her fellow female students.


    Watching as the girl inched closer, stalking her prey like a lioness hunting for gazelle, I waited until the last moment to intervene. Right as she leapt forward, hands making eager squeezing motions, I interposed myself between the two.


    "Bonjour mademoiselle! My name is Chizuru, it''s a pleasure to make your acquaintance. And might I say, what a lovely muscular chest you have! It''s so firm and hard and-wait a minute¡­" introduced the psycho.


    When she jumped forward, intending to put the squeeze on Orihime, she shut her eyes. Why, I don''t know. Maybe to focus on the feeling of Orihime''s chest? Regardless, it seemed to backfire on her.


    Her arms were wrapped around me, her face rubbing into my chest like a cat begging for attention. But when she realized that something wasn''t quite right with what she was feeling, her eyes opened to meet my own.


    "What''s wrong? Were these not the boobs you were looking for?" I asked, sarcastically. Her gaze shifted to my chest, a growing horror etching itself onto her face.


    "Ah, what the hell!? Why did you get in my way!?" she shouted, leaping back, her eyes filled with fury as she glared at me. I met her angry stare with a bored one of my own.


    "Because you were rushing at her with the look of a dirty old man, that''s why," I said, crossing my arms over my chest, which was just violated.


    Gain 2 Affection to Tatsuki Arisawa (39/100)


    Lose 3 Affection with Chizuru Honcho (-3/100)


    Yeah, didn''t really think I''d be a big hit with her, given I''m not exactly her type, but at least Tatsuki appreciates me defending her friend''s honor. So it''s not exactly a loss.


    "I was just trying to introduce myself, you big brute! Don''t get in between me and that lovely flower!" she shouted. By now, the whole class had turned to see what the commotion was. Looks like high school drama was starting early.


    "You can introduce yourself without groping people you know. Here let me show you. My name is Ushio Tenma, nice to meet you Ms. Pervert," I say, making her face go red with anger.


    Lose 2 Affection with Chizuru Honcho (-5/100)


    "I don''t give a damn who you are! I only care about finding out who she is!" she shouted.


    "Um, hello. My name''s Orihime. It''s nice to meet you," said the orange haired girl. I couldn''t help but turn and stare at the girl in disbelief. Did she really just introduce herself to the woman about to assault her like nothing happened? Just how innocent can one person be?


    And it seems like Tatsuki shared my opinion, facepalming with a groan. "Geez, Orihime. Don''t just introduce yourself to weirdos."


    I wanted to tell her to take her own advice, considering she introduced herself to me, but held my tongue.


    "Huh? But it would be rude not to give somebody my name, wouldn''t it?" Orihime asked, tilting her head in confusion. The airhead is strong with this one.


    "Oh, Orihime¡­ What a beautiful name befitting a goddess," Chizuru muttered, caressing Orihime''s face. How the hell did she get over there? I didn''t even see her go by me. Maybe she was the real Flash Goddess, not Yoruichi.


    Unfortunately for Chizuru, her Orihime cuddle time would be cut short via one Tatsuki Arisawa. She gave the boundary challenged girl one of her patented lesbian repelling karate chops right to the head.


    Ok, that was a lie, it''s only patent pending, but it still sent the other girl straight to the ground.


    "Get your damn hands off her you freak!" Tatsuki shouted. Chizuru moaned on the floor for a second before slowly getting back to her feet.


    "Nice try, but you can''t stop our burning passion so easily," she groaned out, making her way to her feet. Gotta respect the grit, if nothing else.


    "You''re the only one who''s burning up here. Maybe I should get the hose to cool you off?" Tatsuki suggested.


    "What was that, you flat chested bitch!?"


    "You heard me skank!"


    The two girls were now right in each other''s faces, looking ready to tear the other apart. It was kind of hot, not gonna lie. Part of me was hoping they''d start tearing off each other''s clothes. Not that I''d ever say that out loud, of course.


    Just when it seemed like it was about to come to blows, Ichigo decided it would be a good idea to open up his mouth. I don''t know why, but he did.


    "Geez, you''re so damn noisy. Keep it down, would ya?"


    "Stay out of this!" the two girls yelled in unison. For a second, I was sure Ichigo was about to get mauled, but they were literally saved by the bell. The sound distracted them just long enough for the teacher to make an appearance.


    "Alright class, sit down and shut the hell up while I take roll call," she said, getting sweat drops from the majority of class. Our homeroom teacher was a fairly young looking woman with long, brown hair tied in a ponytail and rounded glasses. She was wearing a maroon colored blouse and some very tight white pants.


    Nice.


    It was also about this time that Keigo and Mizuiro finally made their way inside the classroom. Mizuiro walked in without a care in the world while Keigo did his best impression of a terrified rabbit. Did he think he was going to get jumped inside of class or something? Bro needs to take a few chill pills.


    Or maybe some Prozac.


    But with the teacher now here, the cat fight was put on hold. All of us took our seats, and I made sure to get one near the window.


    Don''t need luck when you''re built like a brick shit house. Nobody fought me over it.


    Tatsuki was to my right with Ichigo taking the desk in front of me. Orihime took one in front of Tatsuki and Chad was to her right, frustrating Chizuru. Before too long, we were all seated, and the teacher took roll call.


    However, when she got to me she had to stop and pause. "Mr. Tenma, please remove your beanie. It''s against school rules."


    "No," I said. I saw Tatsuki making a face to my right, looking like she was trying to hold it in. Damn her.


    "Excuse me? Did you just tell me no?" the teacher responded. I think I stunned her, because she didn''t seem to know how to handle it. I sighed before standing up, confusing the rest of the class.


    "Can I talk to you for a moment outside, Sensei. It won''t take long," I asked. She gave a stern, but intrigued look.


    "Fine, but this better be good," she agreed, as the two of us made our way into the hall. The students inside watched with bated breath as we left. Which turned into shock and confusion, I''m sure, when the teacher started to laugh out loud.


    Once we returned, I casually strolled back to my seat, not saying a word and not looking at Tatsuki. I have a pretty good idea about what her face looked like anyway.


    "Very well, Mr. Tenma, I''ll allow the beanie, but only for today, got it?" the teacher asked.


    "Got it, teach," I responded.


    "Good. Alright students, my name is Misato Ocha, but you will call me Sensei, is that understood?" she asked, getting a rather lukewarm response. Probably still confused about what just happened. But it seems our new teacher didn''t appreciate such a half assed response.


    "I can''t hear you! I said, do you understand me!"


    "Yes Sensei!"


    "Better. Now listen up, we have a morning assembly and I expect you all to be on your best behavior. Got it?"


    "Yes Sensei!"


    "Good, now let''s go."


    And thus began my first day of school. At least it was proving to be anything but boring.

 Chapter 31

    I was wrong! I was so very, very wrong. I couldn''t have been more wrong! School is boring! I could actually feel myself get dumber the more I listened. Shouldn''t it be the opposite? Aren''t I here to learn? Why!?


    I thought for sure my homeroom teacher would be at least somewhat interesting to listen to, given her earlier personality, but as soon as the lecture started, her voice turned dull and apathetic.


    If you don''t want to be here just say so lady! No need to torture innocent teenagers with your blandness. Or is that what she wanted? Was she some kind of sadist getting off on boring her students to death?


    I''d say respect, but as I''m one of those students, I firmly reject such a blatant attack on my person!


    And I wasn''t the only one whose mind melted into mush. At one point Tatsuki''s eyes just sort of¡­ glazed over, and drool started coming out of her mouth. It took but a single day to break her spirit. Poor thing.


    Of course, not everybody disliked school for some reason. Uryuu, that damn suck up, seemed to thoroughly enjoy himself, staring at the teachers with intense eyes. And he wasn''t the only one. Ry¨­ Kunieda, a somewhat tall girl with long, straight black hair and a beauty mark under her left eye was also rather enthusiastic in her quest for government approved knowledge.


    What a cute couple those two would make¡­


    The teachers didn''t seem to know what to make of the two of them, doing their best to avoid eye contact. You''d think they''d enjoy having such interested students, but nope. They probably don''t get paid enough for enthusiasm.


    Chad and Ichigo held on pretty well, or at least better than Tatsuki. They didn''t go catatonic at any rate. And Orihime seemed to actually enjoy herself, so, you know, good for her.


    However, as lunch time came around, those bastards, Ichigo and Chad, did leave it up to me to snap Tatsuki out of her school induced coma, knowing how she would react.


    Violently, if you were wondering.


    But that didn'' compare to the travesty that was Orihime''s lunch. It wasn''t as bad as Karin''s cooking, at the very least, because I couldn''t hear the moaning of the damned coming from it, but it was still rather repulsive.


    Why she thought to put pickles, mayonnaise and wasabi on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is beyond me. But at least she seemed to enjoy it, even if it made the rest of us feel queasy.


    Tatsuki and I vowed to never let her and Karin cook a dish together. We feared for what would befall the Earth should we allow them to team up.


    There was one highlight of the day, and that was P.E. The teacher was an overly enthusiastic middle aged man who thought he was better than everyone, challenging us to a push up contest. He said that whoever managed to beat him wouldn''t have to run laps that day.


    So guess what I did? You have 4 choices:


    A. Back down like a total wuss and run the laps like a beaten dog.


    B. Assert my dominance over a man clearly going through a midlife crisis.


    C. Ignore everything and take a nap.


    D. Slap Tatsuki on the behind and tell her to go get him.


    You have thirty seconds, go!


    Cue Jeopardy Theme Song


    Time''s up! Let''s see what the answer is. If you guessed B: Assert my dominance over a man clearly going through a midlife crisis, you win! What do you win? Nothing. Sucks to be you.


    Also, fun fact, Tatsuki actually slapped me on my behind and told me to go get him. Which might explain why I didn''t stop for so long. Our coach gassed out after about 120, which was respectable, but I tripled that without breaking a sweat. I think I made the poor guy cry when the butt slapper sat on my back and I kept going until I reached 500.


    Not the worst way I''ve ever spent my time.


    As the day went on, I thought for sure I would die from the boredom. But somehow, I persevered until I eventually heard that most glorious of sounds.


    The bell!


    "Freedom! At last I may escape this wretched establishment of forced education!" I shouted, standing up and throwing my hands into the air with pure, unadulterated joy.


    "Bit wordy there, big guy," Tatsuki smirked from her desk. As a mature and responsible member of society, there was really only one response I could give to such blatant antagonism.


    I stuck my tongue out at her.


    "Tough talk from the girl who drooled all over her desk. Tell me, just what were you daydreaming about? Was it me?" I taunted back, getting a flushed look from the sexy tomboy.


    "As if! If I was thinking about you I would have been barfing," Tatsuki claimed. But her words didn''t stop the shit eating grin I wore.


    "Really? So why did you slap me on the ass earlier then?" I asked.


    "That was just¡­ motivation," she said back.


    "I see. Motivation huh? I''ll remember that when it''s time for me to motivate you," I said, looking her up and down. It was way too easy to get her flustered. It was kind of cute, if you don''t take into account the very real threat of getting kicked in the balls.


    "You better not. I''m warning you," she threatened.


    "Oh, what are you going to do to me?" I asked, giving her a challenging look. I think she took exception to that.


    "I''ll kick your ass, that''s what!" she growled.


    "Still thinking about my ass, huh?"


    "Why you¡­"


    "Will you two stop flirting already? You''re making me nauseous," Ichigo said, standing up from his own desk. I found his words funny, but Tatsuki disagreed.


    "We are not flirting!"


    "I was," I said.


    "You shut up!" she yelled back. The other members of class watched us bicker like an old married couple with varying expressions. One girl, whose name I can''t recall at the moment, looked to be on the verge of passing out.


    Am I really that scary? No, it had to be Tatsuki. I''m adorable.


    Most of the others looked either amused, annoyed, or a strange combination of both. Not that I particularly cared, mind you. They could think whatever they want of me.


    Speaking of people who looked like they were about to shit themselves every time they glanced in my direction, I couldn''t see Keigo. Did he run out as soon as the bell first rang? That''s some serious speed if true, because I didn''t see him at all.


    I did see his friend, Mizuiro leave with the calm grace of a man with zero fuck''s to give.


    Respect.


    Regardless, our group of objective weirdos made our way out of the classroom. I couldn''t wait to get home and start fixing up the joint, now that I''ve survived the first day of school. Not gonna lie, it was more difficult than I thought, but I managed it.


    As we were walking down the stairs, I noticed that same guy from earlier, the ugly one, staring up at us with that scrunched up face of his, phone placed to his ear. Our eyes met for a second before he gave a grin and ran off.


    Wonder what that was about?


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    "Hey, Ichigo¡­" I muttered.


    "I saw," he said back. Well that''s not a good sign. His face was looking extra bitchy now. I can only imagine we''re going to engage in some good old fashioned violence. Chad seemed resigned to what was about to happen as well and even Tatsuki had a nervous look on her face, walking a bit closer to Orihime.


    Speaking of the orange haired boobie monster, she was completely oblivious to the growing tension, bless her heart.


    As we made our way outside it became abundantly clear that we were going to have to deal with some nonsense. First off, there was Keigo, being held hostage by some douche with a bright blonde afro and way too many piercings.


    Seriously, did he think that made him look tough? Because he just looked stupid.


    Surrounding him were a multitude of other assholes, or as I like to call them, future patients. Because when I''m done with them, they''ll need to go to the hospital. And wouldn''t you know it? One of them just so happened to be that squinty eyed fuck from earlier.


    There were also a couple of guys sitting on motorcycles holding chains like they just read a T.V Tropes page on how to be a thug. It was just sad, honestly.


    "There you are, Ichigo and Chad. You kept me waiting," said blondie. He gave the two a savage smirk, probably feeling real good about himself too. Unfortunately for him, things didn''t quite pan out the way he imagined.


    "Uh, who are you again?" Ichigo asked, giving him a blank look. I snorted a bit at the guy''s sudden change of demeanor. Where just seconds ago he looked like your typical smug prick he now had an almost heartbroken look on his face.


    Damn, Ichigo is a savage.


    "What do you mean? It''s me, Reiichi Oshima! We''ve fought like, 5 times! Don''t pretend you don''t know me!" he shouted, sounding almost desperate.


    "Sorry buddy, doesn''t ring a bell," Ichigo stated, and the now named Reiichi looked like he was about to cry. Kinda makes me feel bad for when I break his nose later.


    "What? But? I¡­ you¡­ Chad! You remember me, right?" he pleaded. But unfortunately for him, Chad didn''t remember him either.


    "No, sorry," Chad replied in his usual bland tone. Reiichi looked like he was about to have a mental breakdown, so I, being the thoughtful person I am, decided to throw the guy a bone.


    "I remember you, Reiichi Oshima, you fiend!" I shouted, getting everyone''s attention. The blonde haired thug looked surprised for a second before an excited look crossed his face.


    "Really!?" he asked hopefully.


    "Of course. How could I ever forget you?" I responded back. The guy sniffled a bit, choked up with emotion. Damn my dude, it''s not that serious. You''re making this whole, jumping us thing kind of weird.


    However, as happy as he was to be recognized, there were some that weren''t so believing. Namely, Ichigo.


    "Do you really remember him?" he asked.


    "No, of course not. But just look at him, poor guy. He looks like a kicked puppy. I just wanted to throw him a little bone before kicking his ass, that''s all," I said. I wasn''t quiet either, and I know for a fact Reiichi heard me. Pretty sure I just crushed his spirit.


    "Why bother? Seems like a waste of time to me," Ichigo responded, making me shrug.


    "I just thought it would be weird to fight a guy who was crying before I punched him, you know?" I said back. Ichigo gained a thoughtful look on his face at that.


    "You know, that''s a good point. Never thought of it that way before."


    Reiichi, who had been listening, was turning bright red. The cloud of depression that hung over him gave way to a righteous anger so great it was almost palpable as he shouted at us.


    "You assholes think you''re funny!? Let''s see if you''re still laughing after this! Boys!"


    Once he shouted that, more and more of his minions started crawling out of the woodwork. They surrounded us while chuckling obnoxiously the whole time, trying and failing to be intimidating.


    I mean, there were only like, 20 of them. What''s to be afraid of?


    Chad, Ichigo and I stood facing them without much care. Honestly, we kind of just looked bored by the whole thing. Especially Chad. But then again, that was more or less his usual expression.


    What did surprise me was Tatsuki and Orihime. I thought for sure the tomboy would place herself defensively in front of Orihime to protect her but no, that''s not what happened. They were back to back with their fists raised, ready to throw down.


    I was confused. Since when was Orihime someone who could throw a punch? Did Tatsuki teach her Karate or something? It would make sense if she did, I suppose, but I don''t remember that really being a thing.


    Guess we''ll see.


    "Hahaha, not so funny now, are you!? But hey, maybe if you grovel, I''ll go easy on you!" Reiichi boasted. I turned to the other two beside me, confusion clear on my face.


    "Is this guy stupid or something? Doesn''t he know he should be the one groveling?" I asked.


    "Thought that was obvious," Ichigo responded, with Chad giving a nod.


    "Act tough all you want, but ain''t no way you can take all my boys!" Reiichi shouted, showing a startling amount of ignorance. Guess it really is bliss. Let''s see how long that lasts, shall we? Time to show him the truth of the world.


    Quality is far more important than quantity.


    -New Quest-


    Goon Attack!


    You have been accosted by several people of the thug variety. Beat them up!


    <u>Reward</u>


    - 100 experience


    -Gain 3 Affection with Ichigo, Chad, Tatsuki and Orihime


    -Improve reputation with schoolmates


    -Starts the Conqueror''s Quest line


    <u>Failure</u>


    -Reduced reputation with schoolmates


    -Lose 10 Affection with Ichigo, Chad, Tatsuki and Orihime


    -Gain the Beta Male Title


    Thugs remaining: 22


    Accept?


    [Yes] [No]


    Should have known this was coming. Clicking Yes, mentally of course, so I don''t seem like a weirdo, I prepared to face down the horde of nameless grunts.


    "You must be joking if you think these scrubs have a chance of beating us," I said, standing there with my arms crossed over my chest and giving them a cocky smirk. That seemed to offend them, because one of those scrubs charged at me.


    "You think we''re a joke!? Then get ready for the punchline!" he shouted, cocking his fist back, ready to clock me. And you know what? I let him.


    -22 Hp


    You know, he did better than I thought, but it still wasn''t enough to make me budge. I simply stood there, arms still crossed over my chest, giving him a look that said, "Is that it?"


    "Um, that was supposed to knock you out," the guy said, looking like he was about to piss himself.


    "Really? Now that is a funny joke. Here, let me try one. Knock Knock," I said. It was obvious he didn''t want to answer, but he eventually relented, resigned to whatever fate had in store for him.


    "...Who''s there?"


    "Concussion."


    "...Concussion who?"


    As soon as he asked the question I grabbed him by the face¡­


    "Concussion you!"


    ¡­And slammed him into the ground. Removing my hand from the still man, I nodded in satisfaction at his unconscious form. I stood back up to full height, rolling my shoulder.


    "One down," I said. The rest of the schmuck squad surrounding us looked scared out of their gourds, but also really pissed off. That, combined with their dangerous levels of stupid, meant they were unlikely to realize they were outmatched and continue this pointless endeavor.


    "Concussion you? Really?" Tatsuki asked with a smirk.


    "Don''t act like you aren''t impressed," I shot back, seeing as her Affection increased by 1. Looks like she enjoyed watching me dominate another man physically.


    That can be taken in so many ways¡­


    "The move was impressive, but the one liner needs some work," she japed back. I rolled my eyes at her. Everyone''s a critic.


    "Wow, that was really amazing. You''re just as strong as you look," Mizuiro said, walking up to me without a care in the world. I raised an eyebrow at that. How was he so chill right now? He wasn''t like the rest of us who knew how to fight.


    "Uh, thanks. Who are you again?" I asked, getting a sheepish look from the boy.


    "Oh, how rude of me. Let me introduce myself. My name is Mizuiro Kojima. Nice to meet you," he said, giving a bow.


    "Well, aren''t you polite. Call me Ushio," I said, though I didn''t bow back. Not like I have to pretend to be polite. Nobody really expects me to be anyway.


    "Thank you," he said back, giving a smile that had absolutely no emotion behind it. He looked more like a doll than a person. I couldn''t remember his backstory all that well but what the fuck happened to him to make him look like that?


    "Hey, Mizuiro, was it?" Ichigo said, getting our attention.


    "Yes? How can I help you? Ichigo, right?"


    "Yeah. Listen, not so sound rude or whatever, but why are you here?" he asked. You know, it was very polite of all those thugs to just let us have our conversation like this. Maybe they were too scared to move after I pwned their buddy? But stupid could only be held back for so long.


    "Right. Well you see, when Keigo and I were leaving, these guys showed up and decided Keigo would make a good hostage for some reason. Which is why they have my friend over there," Mizuiro calmly explained.


    "Help me!" Keigo cried.


    "Shut up!" yelled Reiichi.


    "What gave them that idea?" I asked, confused. It didn''t make sense for them to grab some dude that has no affiliation with the person they were after. Ichigo was a pretty nice guy, but he wasn''t exactly in the habit of helping total strangers.


    ¡­Or was he?


    "They probably overheard him complaining loudly about all of you and mistook it for praise," Mizuiro said, more or less throwing his friend under the bus.


    "That right?" Ichigo asked with a raised eyebrow.


    "Mizuiro, you traitor!" shouted Keigo, large crocodile tears streaming down his face.


    "But he''s a really good guy deep down, he just has a habit of believing every bit of gossip he hears. Other than that he''s pretty dependable," Mizuiro complimented, in a backhanded sort of way.


    "Dependable, that guy? Really?" Ichigo questioned, staring at the guy who was laid out on his belly now with Reiichi stomping on his back. Keigo was reaching out for us in a manner that looked anything but dependable.


    Pitiful would be a better word to describe it.


    "I know he doesn''t look like much, especially now, but he''s always been there when I needed him. That''s more than I can say for some people¡­" he said, looking down, his mask of indifference cracking just a bit.


    "I see¡­ Guess we might as well save him then. Right Chad? Ushio?" he asked us. Chad nodded and I shrugged my shoulders.


    "Sure. Blondie''s an asshole anyway so I don''t mind. Wonder if I can write this off as an act of charity¡­" I pondered, getting sweat drops from the others.


    "I don''t think beating up delinquents is tax deductible," Ichigo commented, but there was a smirk on his face.


    "Really? But it''s basically community service," I complained, getting a chuckle out of the others. However, it seems our adversaries finally ran out of patience.


    "Enough talking! Get them!" he shouted, as the group charged at us.


    "Ready Orihime?" Tatsuki asked, taking a stance.


    "Ready Tatsuki," she replied, mirroring her friend''s stance with a determined look on her face.


    The guy charging at me had a bat this time. Correction, I have a bat, he has a broken leg. I grinned at my four remaining opponents, casually twirling my new bat in circles as I approached.


    "Alright, who wants to spend some quality time with daddy?"

 Chapter 32

    "And that takes care of that," I said, dusting my hands off after a job well done. Before me were four unconscious hooligans, piled up nice and neat for somebody to clean up.


    Somebody who wasn''t me.


    "Now, I wonder how the others are doing?" I mumble, turning to face the group. Ichigo was doing fine, no surprise there. Pretty sure his opponents were missing most of their teeth.


    Maybe I should call him the Tooth Fairy?


    Chad was¡­ getting punched. Like¡­ a lot. But it didn''t seem to be bothering him any. Three guys just wailing on him from every direction and Chad just had no fucks to give. Seems like he was trying to gas them out without throwing a single punch. Feels like I''m watching a live action Sun Tzu quote.


    I then turned my attention to the girls, wondering how they were doing. I watched Tatsuki dodge a punch before spinning and sending an elbow right into his solar plexus. His friend tried to grab her from behind, but she did the splits, which was very interesting to watch, before she spun her body again, knocking the man off balance.


    As he fell onto his ass, Tatsuki hopped back onto her feet. Only when she landed, her feet slammed right into the man''s crotch. His eyes bugged out of his head before entering the sweet embrace or unconsciousness.


    By this time the first guy had almost recovered, but it seems our dear sweet tomboy wasn''t about to let that happen. She sent a kick right into his nose, sending him flying backwards, blood shooting into the air like a geyser.


    That should not have turned me on as much as it did, but there''s just something about a woman who can take care of business like that.


    "Woo! Way to go Tatsuki!" I shouted. She turned to me and gave me the victory sign. Of course, it was at that moment a noise caught our attention. Turning my head to see what it was about, my jaw nearly fell to the floor.


    It was Orihime. Her opponent went to grab her, though his aim was a little suspicious, seeming going for her chest and not a takedown. But as he did, Orihime seemingly disappeared from his sight. He looked around for a moment, confused, until a foot sent him into the air.


    Now while he couldn''t see what happened, I could. As the guy went to grab her, she ducked down, too fast for him to see. From there, she spun her body, using the ground as a counterforce to send a kick right into his chin, letting out a mighty "Hee-yaw!" as she did so.


    Her kick was strong enough to send him spinning in the air like a top before gravity made him its bitch and slammed him ass first into the ground. Pretty sure I heard his tailbone peace out when it happened. Poor bastard would never poop right again.


    Safe to say her attack was a critical hit. Too bad the move was also a double edged sword and Orihime almost took herself out with her own boobs. If she wasn''t careful, she might give herself a black eye with those things.


    "Damn, what the hell have you been teaching her Tatsuki?" I muttered. She may not be a tomboy, but she apparently could dish out the violence with the best of them. Wonder if that counts?


    Nope, sorry.


    "Oh, hey Sarah. Haven''t heard from you in a while."


    Well I thought I''d give you some alone time with your friends. And there was no way in hell I was sitting through school.


    "What else could you have been doing?" I questioned with some disbelief.


    Watching Youtube videos.


    "Seriously¡­" I thought with a sigh. That''s just not right. Here I am, suffering through the hum and the drum of high school, and my own game system fucks off to watch internet personalities. Not cool. If I have to endure the torture of school, she should too.


    It''s only fair.


    Now don''t your knickers in a twist big guy, that wasn''t all I was doing. Remember when you were almost turned into roadkill?


    "I remember Tatsuki laughing at me afterwards," I thought, thinking back to the incident in question, my eyes drifting towards the sexy tomboy pulling off some street fighter level shit as I did so. I watched equal parts mesmerized and aroused as she kicked someone in the chin while doing a backflip away from him, using his own body as a springboard.


    That will be in my dreams tonight¡­


    Well that was actually Truck-kun. I was trying to find out why he was after you, but I can''t seem to get a hold of my sister.


    "Wait, are you telling me I almost got isekai''d again?" I questioned, my eyes drifting over to Orihime as she pulled a Black Widow on someone. Sure his neck was probably fucked up forever, but before that his head was nestled right between those creamy thighs of hers.


    Pretty much. Which shouldn''t be possible. Though I guess I can say that about several things involving you.


    "What can I say, I''m a popular guy," I snarked back, though I was somewhat worried about some psycho angel gunning for me. Or whoever it was. Unfortunately for me, it wasn''t just otherworldly beings that wanted a piece of me.


    A sudden pressure around my ankle caused me to look down, and to my immeasurable surprise, there was a chain wrapped around it. I barely had enough time to give a "The fuck?" before I was swept off my feet in a most violent manner.


    Apparently, while I was distracted talking with Sarah and watching Tatsuki and Orihime take care of business, some guy on a motorcycle managed to sneak up on me and get his chain around me. You know, because motorcycles are known for their stealth capabilities.


    "This is all your fault Sarah!" I screamed in my head as I was dragged across the ground. Whoever the dead man was on the bike was clearly intending to take me out of the school grounds and have his wicked way with me somewhere else.


    Jokes on him. He''s the one who''s fucked.


    My bad. I''ll just¡­ leave you two alone.


    "Damn it, Sarah!"


    As I was dragged out of the school, my eyes met Ichigo''s for a brief moment. His were wide with surprise at seeing me in my current shameful state. I''m sure mine showed how annoyed I was with the whole affair.


    "Avenge me!" I shouted as I was forcefully removed from the school grounds.


    "You dumbass," Ichigo muttered, watching as I disappeared into the distance. Not that he had much time to think about it, as he was attacked by another random thug.


    "Hey, should we go after him?" Chad asked, still ignoring the people punching him. They were panting heavily with sweat pouring down their faces, moments away from completely gassing themselves out.


    "Nah, he''ll be fine. Anyone who can survive my sister''s cooking wouldn''t be taken out by someone like that," Ichigo responded, giving his newest victim an uppercut, instantly knocking him out.


    I have to admit, I thought being dragged through town the way I was would be more painful, but honestly, it was more like getting a massage. I haven''t even lost any Hp from it.


    I thought about chucking a rock at the guy, or the baseball bat I was still holding onto, but I decided to wait and see if they took me to their secret lair/sex dungeon. You know, just in case there were more of them hiding out there. That way, I can take them out here and now.


    I was a bit worried about my school clothes, as they''re the only pair I have, so I shoved my shirt and jacket into my Inventory. Now I could have taken my pants off and asserted my dominance over them that way, but then I thought, "My glorious manhood is far too good for such plebeians to behold."


    So I left them on. It was mostly my torso that was in contact with the street anyway, so I wasn''t too worried about having to replace them.


    Now, all I have to do is wait.


    "¡­How fucking far is this place?" This asshole has been dragging me around for fifteen minutes already. I was starting to think he wasn''t taking me anywhere and just wanted to smear me across the ground. Too bad for him he would run out of gas before that happened.


    Just as I was about to say, "Fuck it," and bean this jackass in the head, I saw a building in the distance. It looked similar to the ones the Visoreds hang out in. God help me if I have to deal with Shinji again.


    Speaking of Visoreds, a familiar black cat suddenly decided to jump on top of my chest.


    "Hey there Yoruichi. What brings you around these parts?" I asked. She sat down on her haunches, giving me a curious look.


    "Well, I was on my way to your house when I spotted a most peculiar sight. Mind telling me what''s going on?" she asked, in her deep, manly voice. Fuck that was off putting when you know what she really looks like. Makes you wonder if those large, fun bags resting high on her chest were a trap and she had a special surprise waiting for you down below.


    I sure hope not. I do not need more of that trauma in my life.


    "Oh just the usual. A bunch of two bit thugs decided to pick a fight and one of them asked me to take a ride with him," I said, as we passed through a gate. One that closed right behind us. Not that either one of us paid it much mind.


    "And you just accepted his invitation?" Yoruichi asked, amusement clear in her tone. I shrugged my shoulders as best as I could.


    "How could I turn down such a strapping young man like him?" I questioned with a smirk on my face. She chuckled as we began to slow down, meaning it was about time for me to be introduced to the folks.


    I hope they like me.


    Gain 1 Affection to Yoruichi Shihouin (5/100)


    "One more thing before I go. Kisuke wants to speak with you. So as soon as your date is over, head to this address," she said, before rattling off an address. Great, so now I have to deal with the mad scientist, huh? That is how this day would go.


    "Fine, I''ll see you there Whiskers," I said, barely even noticing as we were surrounded by people.


    "Have fun!" she shouted, before hopping off and running away. What I wouldn''t give to watch her run away in her real form. Cats are nice and all, but unless there''s a girl at the end of it, I don''t really care all that much.


    "The hell? Where did that cat come from?" asked one of the guys, clearly befuddled. But then again, I''m sure most things confuse him. He doesn''t exactly look like the sharpest tool in the shed.


    "Who cares. Let''s just bring this guy to the boss already. He''s dying to meet him," chuckled another. Hearing him, I couldn''t help but snort.


    "What? Somethin funny asshole?" he asked.


    "No, no, of course not. I''m like, super intimidated by you. Really," I said. But as much as I tried to keep a calm, serious face, I just couldn''t do it. He just looked so stupid! He was one of those guys with beaver teeth and a two foot overbite. I''d feel sorry for him if he wasn''t planning to beat the shit out of me.


    Not that he could, mind you.


    "You stupid little bitch! Let''s see if you think this is funny!" he shouted, before kicking me in the ribs.


    -27 Hp


    "Oh, the agony! I have learned the errors of my ways, oh frightening one!" I shouted in an overly dramatic fashion. I could hear his pals snickering now too, which didn''t seem to help his mood any.


    "You bastard!" he yelled, kicking me a few more times.


    You could be reading stolen content. Head to the original site for the genuine story.


    -22 Hp


    -18 Hp


    -24 Hp


    Ok, as funny as it was, those kicks were starting to add up. Thankfully after getting kicked for the fourth time, his buddies decided to pull him off of me. Lucky for him, because I was about to break his fucking kneecap with my bat on the next kick.


    "Woah, Nezumi, calm down man," one said, dragging him away. After that, a couple more guys hauled me to my feet, taking my stolen bat from me as well. Jerks. Guess I''ll just have to kick their ass the old fashioned way then.


    "Hey, thanks fellas. Awful swell of you to help me up like that," I said, giving them my most charming smile. Too bad there weren''t tomboys, or I''m sure that would have worked.


    "Man, you''re annoying. I don''t know what the boss was thinking, wanting to bring you on," said the one to my left. Bro had a pompadour like you wouldn''t believe. Do these guys have no idea about fashion? Hell, the guy on my right had a mullet for crying out loud. Those went out of style years ago!


    And he could not pull it off.


    Wait, what was he saying about his boss?


    "What do you mean, bring me on?" I asked, as I was escorted into the shady ass building. It''s like they looked up how to be a villain on Wikipedia or something. I could see a few more of their buddies looking at me from the windows, trying to be all intimidating.


    "Shut up. The boss will explain," said Mr. Pompadour, pushing me forward.


    "Rude," I grumbled, but continued walking forward anyway. This seems like it could be entertaining if nothing else. Nothing like being led to a secret location where they thought they had had the advantage, only to realize too late that they weren''t the predators in this situation.


    Poor little lambs¡­ They don''t realize they brought a wolf home for dinner.


    I walked through the large opening, taking note of the filthy interior. I know that they''re not very good at this, but you could at least keep your evil lair clean. Come on!


    There was a rusty weight bench in the corner along with similarly corroded weights. A punching bag absolutely covered in duct tape was hung up in a different corner. And I could see an old t.v set up in front of a busted up couch in the middle of the room.


    Besides those things, there were numerous empty cans and trash littering almost every inch of the room. Maybe I can catch those rats that live around my house and let them loose here? I''m sure they would live a long and happy life amongst the garbage.


    And no, I''m not just talking about the crap on the floor.


    There was only one decent piece of furniture I could see, which just so happened to be a chair. And wouldn''t you know it, some big, stupid jagoff was sitting right in it, looking all threatening as he stared at me with sunglasses on.


    Seriously, you''re indoors, take them off. You look stupid.


    "What did you just say you damn punk?" the big guy growled. Oops, guess I said that out loud.


    Well, in for a penny.


    "I said, take those glasses off, you''re indoors. Makes you look like an idiot," I said, before yawning. Man, I''m tired. I did not get nearly enough sleep last night. Sure I took a little nap in history today, but that only seemed to make it worse.


    "You got balls, I''ll give you that. Tell me something, funny man, you really the guy that beat Toma?" he asked. I raised an eyebrow at that, trying to think back at who that could be. But so much has happened, I was drawing a blank.


    He was the guy you fought when you saved Karin.


    "Oh right, him. I forgot all about that guy. Thanks Sarah."


    "Yeah that was me. Why, you looking for revenge or something?" I asked, completely bored. After what I went through in Hiyori''s brain, taking on a bunch of basic bitch thugs like these was just tedious. It was like being asked to clean my room.


    "Not at all. I was just thinking I could use someone like you on my crew. So what do ya say? Want to join the Raging Demons?" the boss man asked. My brain stopped for a moment, trying to compute what he just asked.


    "You want me¡­ to join you?" I asked for clarification. Because proper communication is important. Especially when dealing with people operating under a dangerous level of stupid.


    Seeing him nod, I couldn''t stop the migraine from coming back. This is not how I thought my first day of school would go. I do not get paid enough for this¡­


    "So let me get this straight. You attack me and my friends, kidnap me, literally drag me across the city, to try and recruit me?" I questioned. I''m not sure what part of that plan he thought was a good idea, but there was no way I''m joining up with him. I''m afraid his stupid might be contagious.


    "If you couldn''t handle something like that, you weren''t worth recruiting. Besides, I just sent some of my boys to help out Reiichi with his strawberry problem. That damn Ichigo and his giant friend have been a thorn in my side for too long. But if I have someone like you serving me, I can take control of the underworld in Karakura. So, what do you say?"


    "I say, you''re a fucking idiot," I responded, crossing my arms over my chest. The boss''s eyes narrowed at me, or I assumed so anyway, considering he was still wearing the sunglasses.


    "You want to repeat that? I don''t think I heard you quite right."


    "Sure! You. Are. A. Fucking. Idiot. There, you hear me that time?" I asked, with as much condescension as I could muster. Which was quite a bit.


    "I thought that''s what you said. You want to tell me why you''re rejecting my generous offer before we beat you to a bloody pulp?" he questioned, with his gang getting ready for the smackdown.


    Poor saps. Don''t even realize the danger they''re in. But they''ll learn, one way or another.


    "Well, there''s a few reasons really. One, you''re a total bitch, and I won''t serve under a total bitch. Two, you and your merry band of fuckwits couldn''t even handle two teenagers. That''s just sad, man. Three, you stink. Take a fucking shower once in a while. And four, your gang has a stupid name. I mean, Raging Demons? Really? Could you get any more Chuni?" I mocked, grin getting wider and wider as they growled at me.


    Man I love pissing off idiots. If it was an Olympic sport, I''d take home the gold every time.


    "Now, I have an offer for you, the same one I gave Toma. Make me the boss, and I''ll join your little gang."


    "Never gonna happen," he ground out. Ooh, that one made him really mad. I could almost see the steam coming out of his ears.


    "Alright, then that leaves you with two options. Option number 1, you let me walk out of here and I won''t tea bag your unconscious body. Option number 2, we fight, and you find out just how salty my balls are. Now personally, I''m a fan of the second option but the choice is yours," I told him.


    Once I gave my ultimatums, the entire building grew quiet. Everyone was staring at me with wide, gaping mouths. Oh yeah, I feel real good about my life right now.


    Gain 2 Affection with Yoruichi Shihouin (7/100)


    Wait, what? How? Don''t tell me she stuck around to watch? Actually, that makes total sense. Not that I''m complaining. Maybe I should have stripped naked earlier¡­ Give the curious little kitty a REAL show.


    "I think I''ll choose option number 3, you dead and buried in an unmarked grave," the boss said.


    "Now that was a good line! See, you can do it if you try," I congratulated, clapping for him. I was honestly sincere with my compliment, but I don''t think he saw it that way.


    "That''s it! Kill this jackass!" he shouted, making his minions charge at me. See what I mean?


    "Option 2 it is," I say with a smirk.


    The first guy came at me, throwing a heavy punch in my direction. Too bad for him it was telegraphed harder than an old man taking the whole box of Viagra. In other words, I grabbed his fist, twisted it, spun him around so his arm was behind his back, and then kicked him into his friends.


    He wasn''t exactly down for the count, but I doubt he''d be using that arm for anything anytime soon. Hope it wasn''t his wanking hand.


    More of his pals rushed towards me, and I counted at least fifteen, not including the boss. Should be easy enough. Time to level up Street Fighter.


    The second one had a pair of brass knuckles, so instead of catching his fist dead on, I maneuvered to the side of him and caught his wrist. From there, I punched his arm, right at the elbow, making his arm face the wrong direction. From there, I also flung him into his pals.


    Third guy tried to kick me, but I just let his kick hit before trapping his leg in my arm. After that, I started to swing him around, smacking him into a few of the other gang members, before giving him a Power Throw and sending him, you guessed it, right into his buddies.


    It was almost a meme at this point.


    The next contender tried to grapple me, which was just cute. There he was, hugging me for all he was worth, trying to get me to the ground, but he just wasn''t strong enough. Poor guy, better put him out of his misery.


    So I started to cuddle with him, grabbing him around his midsection before picking him up. Sure he tried to hold onto me, and I get it, I''m a honkin'' hunk of man meat, but he was eventually forced to let go. Once that happened, it was a simple enough task to send him head first into the ground.


    Onto number five, he was actually a better fighter than his buddies, but not by much. After dodging a few of his attacks, I Spartan Kicked him in the gut, sending him to the ground gasping for air. I then twisted around, avoiding a punch from another guy, elbowing him right in the temple.


    Now that guy was out.


    I wouldn''t say what happened after that was a slaughter, but there was quite a bit of blood on the ground. Good news, I also got my baseball bat back. I mean, good news for me, not for them.


    For them, it was very, very bad news. But I only used it after I got a level in Street Fighter. Daddy needs to get them gains!


    Once all fifteen or so of his gang was on the floor, moaning in pain, vomiting, or completely silent due to being knocked the fuck out, it was time for the big bad boss man himself. Scanning him revealed he was at Level 12, which was pretty impressive, I''ll admit.


    "Not bad kid. But don''t compare me to-" his monologue was interrupted by yours truly chucking a baseball bat at his face. He went straight to the ground, holding his now broken nose. But hey, at least he wasn''t wearing those sunglasses anymore.


    "Gah, you dirty rat! I''ll make you pay for that!" he shouted, slowly rising to his feet. And like the gentlemanly fighter I am, I allowed him all the time he needed.


    "Hey, try to see it from my perspective will ya? I have more important things to do than listen to your villainous monologue," I tell him, not at all bothered by the increasingly violent language he was using to describe what he would do to me.


    Not like he would get the chance to feed me to any piranhas. Or shove a bat with rusty nails in it up my ass. Nope, never gonna happen.


    "I''m gettin real sick of that mouth of yours," he growled out.


    "You know, I get that a lot," I said back, pretending to have a contemplative look on my face. But I know I''m annoying. And seeing the look on his face made it all worthwhile.


    "You don''t say? Then why don''t I do the world a favor and shut you up permanently!" he yelled, rushing towards me. It was time, the final battle was about to begin. Who would come out on top? Will it be the handsome and extremely well endowed Ushio? Or the douchebag with an edgelord complex?


    Find out¡­


    Right now!


    The boss, who''s name was Kenzo Takahashi, tried to punch me in my beautiful face. Now that wasn''t something I could just allow to happen. But instead of dodging, I used the power of bald to block his attack, his fist connecting with the top of my head.


    Yeah, he didn''t see that coming. Looks like it hurt too. Not that I was surprised, I have a hard dome. Lucky for him I still had on that beanie, or else he may have broken his hand.


    "Fuck!" he shouted, taking a step back, which gave me the perfect opportunity to launch my own attack. I took a step forward and launched a haymaker, using Power Punch to hopefully end this quickly. Too bad the little bastard dodged it, rolling on the floor away from me.


    He glared at me, holding his injured hand, and for the first time, I took note of his eyes. They were¡­ pretty. He reminded me of that one guy from Demon Slayer. You know, they guy with the boar mask. It was like that. He had long, delicate eyelashes, and vibrantly green eyes.


    Guess that''s why he wore the sunglasses. Now I kinda feel bad. If only the guy was bald, he''d be the most handsome man on the planet.


    I advanced on him, unwilling to give my kidnapper room to breathe. For someone who was essentially down an arm, he was faring fairly well. He was proving himself to be quite a bit stronger than Toma, at any rate.


    Our fight continued without either of us gaining advantage over the other. I mean, I wasn''t exactly trying too hard, and I think he knew that. Probably because I kept slapping away his hands saying, "Patty-cake, Patty-cake, baker''s man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can."


    Maybe I should change my name to Nappa¡­


    After a couple of minutes of me humiliating and emasculating him, he just couldn''t take it anymore, his attacks becoming more and more erratic and desperate as the fury took hold of him.


    I am one annoying bastard. It only took me a couple minutes to drive him insane. That''s got to be a world record or something.


    But his rage caused him to commit a party foul as he whipped out a knife. My mind briefly flashed back to that fateful night, where I was stabbed to death, giving him the opportunity to land an attack, his blade sliding across my forearm.


    -31 Hp


    Damn, guess I''m still not over that yet. Oh well, at least the cut wasn''t too deep. I''m more irritated by the fact that I allowed him to land a hit. I looked at my bleeding arm with annoyance as Kenzo decided it was his turn to mock me.


    "Heh, not so tough now, are ya, punk?" he said, sounding far too cocky for my liking.


    Guess it''s time to wipe that smirk off his pretty boy face. Which was fine, I got my level in Street Fighter, so this wasn''t a total waste. Besides, I bet the others are worried about me.


    Probably¡­


    "I hope you''re proud of yourself, because that''s the only damage you''re going to do," I remarked back, advancing slowly on the man. He gave a grin and took another swipe at me, which I dodged by jumping back a bit.


    I observed him carefully as we continued our dance, figuring out his new attack pattern. It wasn''t hard, given that his attacks, while fast, were pretty predictable. So the next time he tried to cut me, I kicked up, hitting his wrist and sending the knife flying. Once that happened, it was open season. I was on him like flies on a turd.


    He tried to avoid me, but playtime was over. Time to Patty-cake him in the face. As I kept him on the defensive, it wasn''t long before he grew desperate, taking a wide swing at my face, which I ducked under and let loose a Power Punch right into his stomach.


    He grunted in pain and I was forced to dodge the oncoming vomit, but I wasn''t done. I grabbed his head and sent my knee right into his already broken nose. Too bad I don''t have a Power Knee attack, but I don''t think I needed it. He staggered back dazed, barely holding onto consciousness.


    "Damn you¡­ don''t think¡­ this is over¡­ I''ll make you¡­ pay for this," Kenzo swore, making me roll my eyes.


    "Whatever you say pal. Now, I think it''s past your bedtime," I said, dashing towards him once again. He was far too dazed to stop my grand finale. Once I was close enough, I jumped into the air, grabbing onto his shoulders before doing a front flip, using my considerable strength, not to mention Power Throw, to send him flying. He spun through the air before slamming face first into the t.v.


    Was it excessive? Maybe, but it sure looked cool. And at the end of the day, isn''t that what really matters?


    "That takes care of that," I said, dusting my hands off and feeling a sense of D¨¦j¨¤ vu. Looking at the man whose head was firmly planted in the t.v, I wondered if he was still alive? Not that I care all that much, but I suppose I should check for a pulse and at least try not to become a murderer just yet. Don''t need to deal with the po-po. But before that, there was something more important I needed to do.


    That''s right, it was time to rob them blind! If they think I''m leaving here empty handed after all this bullshit, they have another thing coming.


    I first took everything from their wallets, which wasn''t as much as I was hoping. I only got a measly 3,000 Yen for my troubles. Also, just an fyi, Kenzo was still alive but he sure as shit ain''t pretty no more. That t.v fucked him up something fierce.


    Yeah, I''m not tea bagging that. Don''t need his blood on my balls. You lucked out this time, Kenzo Takahashi.


    After taking their wallets, I decided to also take their weights as well, figuring I could clean it up and make them usable. There were about 500 pounds of weights, along with a few cement dumbbells and an old bench and a couple of bars. Should be good enough for now.


    I also managed to stumble upon their secret stash of valuables. Turns out, it was under the chair. I found it when I was walking by and stepped on a squeaky floorboard, which made me suspicious. I blame my time in the Dungeon, searching for treasure.


    But in this case, it worked out. I moved the chair and found a secret compartment beneath it, containing some likely ill-gotten gains, such as jewelry and about 50,000 Yen in cash. And just like that I was grateful to have been kidnapped.


    But before I left, there was one last thing I wanted for myself. And that was a motorcycle. Luckily the chump left the keys in the ignition, so all I had to do was start it up.


    "Well that was fun. Time to get back to the others I guess. Bet they''ll be surprised," I said, starting up my new vehicle. It wasn''t in the best shape, but I''m sure I can fix her up. Or use a Token on her.


    Now, what to name her? Those were my thoughts as I made my way back towards school, popping a wheelie as I left.