《See Me in the Stars》 1. Will be Chapter 1 Will Be The Tiffer spat¨¨tie circled overhead, raining arrows down on the Ossory soldiers. The arrows embedded themselves in soldier after soldier. Cries of pain and the clashing of swords were all Fi-Rico and Qi-Calla could hear. Fi-Rico watched as an arrow descended from the Pegasus above, straight towards Qi-Calla. He called out a warning to Qi-Calla. He raised his shield to protect himself from the falling arrow, and he left the rest of his body unguarded. Before Fi-Rico could shout out another warning to him, it was too late. The Tiffer soldier thrust, stabbing Qi-Calla in the gut. The leather armour he wore did nothing to protect him from the strong hit. The Tiffer soldier immediately pulled his sword free, allowing the wound to bleed. Qi-Calla fell to the ground with a cry of pain in a limp, bloody mess. His breathing came in quick rasps. Fi-Rico let forth a cry of pure rage. He let go of all regard for his life. In his state of anger he did something reckless. Fi-Rico swung his sword in one short, deadly arc. His sword slashed through the throat of the Tiffer soldier. The boy died instantly. With no time to cry out in pain, surprise, or anger, Another life is wasted. Another boy will now be nothing more than a memory. At least it had been a quick death. This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience. Fi-Rico fell to his knees next to Qi-Calla, allowing his sword and shield to clatter to the ground. He cradled Qi-Calla¡¯s head in his lap. Qi-Calla groaned in pain. His blood was seeping through his useless leather armour, staining the brown grass beneath him a deep, painful red. The wound was deep. Too deep. The sword had almost pierced all the way through him, allowing a horrible view of the inner workings of a human. Qi-Calla was pale; all the normal colour in his cheeks was gone, and his eyes had lost their normal glint of joy. The small smile that normally rested on his lips was gone. Fi-Rico whispered in a voice of grief, ¡°Tam su feem en gi adro. Ga umu turema, turema.¡± You are all right, my love. I am here, here. He trailed off at the end as the reality of the situation set in. Qi-Calla was far from all right. Qi-Calla grasped Fi-Rico¡¯s hand. His grip was weak, and his hand was shaking. His face was contorted with pain. Fi-Rico was crying, his tears rolling down his face, joining Qi-Calla¡¯s blood in the dead grass. Fi-Rico¡¯s shirt was stained with Qi-Calla¡¯s blood. His yellow pants were crimson. ¡°I will get a medic,¡± Fi-Rico said through the tears half-heartedly. ¡°You will survive this.¡± There was no conviction or truth behind the words. ¡°Do not leave me,¡± Calla groaned, her voice riddled with pain and sorrow. ¡°Please do not let me die alone.¡± The battle made his last words almost impossible to hear, but Fi-Rico was so close he heard every syllable, ¡°Look for me in the stars tonight, Gi Adro." My love. 2. The night before Chapter 2 The night before The first stars were beginning to appear. The sun was just disappearing below the surrounding mountains. The moon was rising. It was nearly full now; just a few more days, and it would be full. Very few clouds covered the sky. Tonight was perfect. The cold of autumn was starting to set in. The wind was getting stronger and the rain was becoming more frequent, but right now it was perfect. Autumn has always held a special place in my heart. The temperature was mild¡ªnever too hot or too cold. Calla interrupted my thoughts: ¡°Rico, how many more do you think there will be tonight?¡± ¡°I do not know.¡± As I said it, I moved in closer to him. ¡°We will have to wait and see.¡± Too much is what I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. We were already burdened with enough sadness and fear. As the darkness increased, more stars appeared. More than the night before. Just another reminder of the war. Calla wasn¡¯t as religious as me, but he still believed in the stars (everyone in our village did). He came out with me every night to stargaze. We lay under the dome of night and looked up at all the lost lives. Not just from the war but from all of time. We prayed for the safety of our families and our village on the outskirts of Ossory. The night got colder and the wind blew harder, but with Calla beside me, I was warm and comfortable. The wind got stronger. I pushed closer into Calla. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. ¡°It¡¯s getting a bit cold; maybe we should go to bed now.¡± He shivered slightly as he spoke. I didn¡¯t want to leave yet, but I knew he was right. It was late and cold. I knew I needed sleep for tomorrow, but I didn¡¯t want the new day to come any faster than it needed to. He looked at me pleadingly. I relented; he pulled me to my feet and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I put my arm around his waist. He was too tall for me to reach his shoulder. He was not really that tall; I was just short. We made our way towards the tent. I hadn¡¯t realised how late it was until I heard snores from inside the tent. I look up to see the moon high in the sky. When did that happen? I changed into my night clothes as quietly as I could so as not to wake the other boys. When I finished, I clambered into my bedroll on the floor, pulling the blankets up to my chin. I closed my eyes. I had only just closed my eyes when Calla got into bed beside me. ¡°I thought you wanted to go to sleep.¡± ¡°No, I said it was cold. And I was still cold in my bed, so I got into your bed.¡± I could just make out a stupid grin on his face through the dark. ¡°It¡¯s simple as that.¡± ¡°You are such an idiot.¡± I flicked his nose. He put his arms around me, pulling me towards him, and whispered, ¡°But I am your idiot.¡± ¡°Ga adro tam.¡± I love you. ¡°I love it when you speak Dallie.¡± Most people do not know how to speak Dallie anymore; it is only spoken in small towns like ours. Now most people speak Mino. Calla knows how to speak Dallie, but we mostly speak Mino when we are around others. No need to stick out more; my accent already does enough to stick out. I blame my parents for that; they were the ones who taught me Dallie as my first language. I didn¡¯t choose it. I was warm and comfortable lying in bed next to Calla. I hated sleeping on the ground. The bed provided very little padding against the rock of the valley. Calla made being on the ground easier somehow. He had a way of making things easier and more comfortable by just being there. It was just one of his ways. Calla shifted beside me and asked, "Are you scared?¡± Calla¡¯s tone had completely changed, ¡°for tomorrow.¡± The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement. I turned to my side to face him. I was scared. I really was. I ran my fingers through his light, short hair and said, ¡°I am scared. Terrified really. Really fucking terrified.¡± I put my arms around him, pulling him towards me. His muscles relaxed as I held him, but I could still see the terror in his eyes. I so badly wanted to tell him we would be fine. Nothing would happen. We would both come out unscathed and unharmed. But I couldn¡¯t promise any of that. I couldn¡¯t. That is what made his terror that much worse. It was well-founded. He had always been the scarred one. This was not the terror of a small boy. This was the real fear of death. The fear of death hung over both of us. * * * I must have fallen asleep, but I didn¡¯t realise until I woke up to the loud morning bell. Calla was still in bed next to me. I was glad for his presence because, as my sleepy brain began to catch up with the world, panic for what I was about to do started to swell. Calla¡¯s eyes were open, and his brown eyes reflected my emotions¡ªpure terror. The wind was still howling, pushing the canvas against the tent poles. The wind was unpredictable and harsh. My breath was coming far too quickly for my liking. It is not even like this is my first battle. I had done this before, but then I had just been a p?dantr?s archer. Hidden behind the Bwann¨¦ia sword soldiers. Me and Calla¡¯s training was a rush job. The army had lowered the draft age to sixteen. They needed men fast, and training was long and expensive, so they condensed it into two weeks. We had had a day to learn to wield a sword. A day. One Day. We were archers, not close-range fighters. Well, we were p?dantr?s. Yesterday, the commander decided we had lost enough men that P?dantr?s needed to become Bwann¨¦ia. He had even taken some of the Spat¨¨tie Cavalry off their Pegasus. This war was descending into pure chaos. I sat up and started shaking. Calla sat up and wrapped his arms around my waist. I fell back against his broad chest. He gently started playing with my dark curls. Wrapping and unwrapping them around his finger. He always did that when he knew I was stressed. It had a magical way of calming me down. ¡°We should get dressed,¡± I said while I turned to look up at Calla. I pushed myself off the ground, then offered my hand to Calla. He took it and pulled himself up. I pulled my uniform out of my pack and started to put it on. The white shirt was buttoned in a diagonal across my chest, the loose yellow pants with the very helpful leather knee pads, the blue sash, which I tied in the way we were taught in training (they were very specific about the way it should be done), and finally I pulled on my brown leather boots that go to about halfway up my calf. I would put the armour on later. It felt weird to wear a blue sash. When I was a p?dantr?s, I wore a light purple sash. But now I was a Bwann¨¦ia, which meant a light blue sash instead. I¡¯m mildly pissed because I was about to move up a rank. I would have gotten a darker purple sash, but just before that happened, I was pulled into the Bwann¨¦ia ranks. Once I was dressed, I went over to Calla. He was talking with Pill (Pill is from the same town as us). They were speaking in Dallie, which was unusual. I headed towards them to hear what they were saying. ¡°Ga la nan frolm xi mansi geesa.¡± I do not want to kill anyone. Calla had the same look as when I taught him how to gut a fish. ¡°Ga revelan, ga revelan,¡± I know. I know Pill replied, ¡°Meas naouse la nan parat ama shozen,¡± but we do not have a choice. Calla switched back to Mino and said, ¡°I should finish getting ready.¡± When he turned, he spotted me. I pulled him into me and kissed him. His smelled faintly of grass and dew from last night''s lying in the grass. I pulled away and looked him straight in the eye and said, "Tam frain enta fee men gi adro.¡± You will be all right, my love. He looked as terrified as I felt. Before we both started crying, I pulled Calla towards the meal parvillion. For breakfast, it was the usual wh¨¨int?mba. I did not mind wh¨¨int?mba, but after a few weeks of having it for breakfast every morning, it gets pretty boring. It was just corn cooked in a large pot with some eggs, meat, and sesame seed oil, but recently they had cut out the meat and the sesame seed oil (the only good parts) due to war rations. We joined the line for food. I clasped Calla¡¯s hand in mine. He was shaking. I wanted to tell him how it would all turn out fine. We will both come out unscathed, but I couldn¡¯t tell him such blatant lies. And it is not as if I can promise such things. There was a high chance that one of them would die. Our fears were very reasonable. After we got our food, we found Pill in our normal spot. The sun was only just coming over the mountains. Our spot was one of the first places to receive the sun''s light. We sat on the ground. It is not like they give us pillows or anything. The grass was still slightly wet from the night''s rain. Some stars still sat in the sky, but it was only the brightest ones¡ªthe most important lives. Just as we were finishing breakfast, the horn was blown to call us to the green. The briefing would begin shortly, and then we would go to battle with the Tiffer army. I couldn¡¯t wait. 3. I prepare to face my death Chapter 3 I prepare to face my death The battle briefing was the normal ordeal. The commander tried and failed to get me all hyped up for a slaughterfest. I hated the way that I had always been told that being in the army was a good deed. It was an honour, and I should be proud to serve my kingdom. But I had never felt proud of the things I had done. I knew that I didn¡¯t have a choice, but the screams on the battlefield still haunted my dreams. I wished I could go home, but the only way I would be going home any time soon would be in a clay jar marked with my name for my parents to bury (ashes were easier to transport than bodies). The commander began his speech by saying, "Today we win back the Kalim¨¨th border. We cannot allow them to get any closer to the port city of Kalim¨¨th. Without that port, we lose all connection to Credia, and without their trade, we will lose this war,¡± he always told us how important the battle would be. If it was so important, why were no more men being sent our way? The commander was probably too busy doing his hair to send a letter to the capital. We had been trying to push the Tiffers away from the Kalim¨¨th border for the last four months. All we had achieved was over a hundred dead men. It had been going great. Even though the prospects of this battle were shit the assembled soldiers cheered in response to the commander¡¯s hollow words. ¡°I want Bwann¨¦ia platoons one, five, six, eight, nine, twelve,¡± he stopped halfway through his list to turn to his assistant. His assistant whispered something in his ear, then the commander continued, ¡°fourteen, fifteen, nineteen, and twenty at the front of the wedge formation. I¡¯m sure your lieutenants can organise the rest.¡± What the fuck! My first battle as a Bwann¨¦ia, and I would be one of the first people to reach the enemy. Also, our commander seriously just told us that our lieutenants would finish the organisation of the half the Bwann¨¦ia army. He was so stupid, he probably didn¡¯t know one end of his sword from the other. I was freaking out so much that I barely listened to the rest of the commander¡¯s speech. From what I did listen to, I understood we would be using a wedge formation. That was different; we normally did a square formation. We can all see how that had been going, so it was probably a good thing it was changed. I wanted to feel excited to kill a bunch of people, I really did. But the very real threat of death was all I could think about. Weird, huh? The battle was coming closer and closer, and so was the prospect of my death. Or, even worse, the deaths of my friends. I couldn¡¯t deal with one of them dying. I would prefer my own death over theirs. This war was so pointless anyway. Why did Tiffer feel the need for more land? It was stupid. And their stupidity had then led to a hundred-year war whose only achievement was death and maybe a few kilometres of extra land. This was now just a war to see who was more stubborn, or maybe just more stupid. My thoughts started racing out of control. Before I could fully lose the plot, I took Calla¡¯s hand. My thoughts slowed. I felt the panic ease, rushing out of me with every breath. I don¡¯t know how, but Calla had the power to ground me. To pull me back. He must have sensed my panic because he pulled me into him, wrapping his arm around me. ¡°Tam su feem en. Ga umu turema.¡± You are all right. I am here. Calla''s soft voice washed the darkness from my mind. This novel is published on a different platform. Support the original author by finding the official source. I looked up at his perfect face, ¡°boomba.¡± Thank you. He didn¡¯t reply. He knew he didn¡¯t need to. He just smiled down at me and pulled me closer to his chest. I was pressed so tightly against his body that I could hear every heartbeat. I could hear the fear beating in his heart. He was just as scared as me. * * * The briefing finished. It was time to prepare for battle. Shit. I clasped Calla¡¯s hand in a death grip as we headed back to the tent. My hands were shaking, and my heart was beating in my mouth. My thoughts were racing, going to the worst possible scenarios. They were the kind of scenarios that would land me in the mind menders office at school. That woman was completely useless. That was the first and last time I told Mum about my nightmares. We got to the tent, and I began to pull on our armour. It was leather. Leather! The only thing it would be protecting us from was an angry house cat. All soldiers used to have steel armour. That was before Ossory entered a hundred-year war and still had a plethora of supplies. So, ages ago. It took me a while to get the very useful armour on because my hands were shaking an excessive amount. Once I had finally gotten the armour on, I attached my sword sheath to my right side. The leather sheath was attached to me with a silver buckled belt. Calla came towards me. He looked stunning. I don¡¯t know how he pulled off the rage tag army look, but he did. He was so fucking hot. I don¡¯t know how I managed to get a man like him. He came closer to me. He smiled, his perfect dimpled smile. Before I could even think, he swept me off the ground into his arms, spinning me around. ¡°You look so scary!¡± I couldn¡¯t see his face, but I could hear him beaming. He put me back on the ground, and his lips met mine. I wanted that kiss to last forever. But unfortunately, it couldn¡¯t. Nothing ever lasts forever. I pulled away from the safety and comfort of his arms. I looked at him. He looked at me. I drank in every millimetre of his face. I wanted to remember it. I wanted his face to be so ingrained in my mind that it became a part of me, so even if I lost him, he would live on in my memory. ¡°Come on love birds.¡± Pill already had his helmet on. He looked so calm and collected that it was almost unnerving. ¡°Ready?¡± I knew it was a stupid question. How can you ever be ready for something like a war? ¡°I hope so.¡± I hope so too, Calla. I hope so too. I strapped my helmet onto my head and grabbed my sword from the floor next to my rucksack. Our swords were the only things still made of iron. The sword was a long, thin rapier with an ornately carved guard. It was gorgeous. It seemed a shame to have to ruin it with Tiffer''s blood. I hefted my shield onto my back, even though it was only steel-plated wood, but it was still extremely heavy. All this just felt so wrong. * * * We fell into place in our platoon. Our lieutenant, Da-Biwana, was at the front of the group. He was a young man. Maybe early twenties. He had been fighting this war since he was sixteen, the same age I was then. He was lucky to have made it this far. Most died much sooner. Our commander blew the trumpet, and we began to march. Our steps were in perfect unison. Our arms swung at the same rate. Right angle, then a forty-five-degree angle. Over and over, we swung our arms. It was tiring and stupid. The sun had fully risen over the mountains now. It bathed us in its warm, comforting light. The day was far too cheerful for what was about to happen. It was as though the sky was mocking us. ¡°Look at this gorgeous day. Now go kill some people.¡± The ground was barren from all the times we had marched past this place. A small amount of grass grew on either side of the path, but most of it was brown. Dying due to the dropping temperature and constant trampling. There were only a few green blades left. The path opened onto the open battlefield. We fell into formation. The Tiffer army already stood waiting for us at the other end of the field. Their spat¨¨t?e had already taken flight, the riders bows were already in their hands, arrows notched. On the command, I grabbed my shield from my back. I unsheathed my rapier, raising it in front of my body. My heart rate increased to an alarming rate. Commands were issued. Our spat¨¨t?e took flight. The Tiffer army charged. 4. The battle Chapter 4 The battle The last thing I wanted to do was charge into the midst of the Tiffer army. I wanted to say where I was, but the others around me wouldn¡¯t allow that. I was pushed along by all the overly excited soldiers. Their war cries echoed off the surrounding mountains. I felt like a fraud in my armour. The shield felt wrong resting on my right arm. The sword on my left was so heavy that it seemed as though it was designed for someone else (probably because it was). I missed the comfort of the bow in my hand. Being a p?dantr?s had just been so much better. The battle was so loud that my thoughts were drowned out. There were people all around me. I hated the feeling of their bodies pressing against mine. People cried out, whether in pain or for excitement; it was impossible to tell. Arrows rained down from above. Wedging themselves in the ground and in bodies. An Ossory boy fell to the ground next to me. His helmet went flying off and I recognised him. Minra. I knelt to the ground next to his body. His breathing was shallow and painful. An arrow had impaled itself into his chest. He looked up at me. His blood was seeping through his armour. Staining his clothing red. I leant towards him to hear Minra¡¯s final words , ¡°Rico, make sure I get home.¡± ¡°I will. Minra, I promise I will,¡± a small smile formed on his lips, his stunningly green eyes meet mine. He let out his final breath. His mouth went slack, and the smile disappeared from his lips. The life slipped from his eyes. He continued to stare at me without seeing. He would never see her again. A small trickle of blood leaked from the side of his mouth, falling to the ground. I stood up on shaky legs. I looked down at his broken, lifeless body. He had been one of Pill¡¯s close friends. I had liked him. He had always been nice to me. A tear slid down my cheek to join his blood on the ground. It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I rejoined the battle, leaving Minra in a pool of his own blood. Only seconds after leaving Minra¡¯s side, a Tiffer soldier made a stab towards my chest. I bashed his blade. He went for another hit. I stepped back. I moved my shield so it covered my chest. He aimed below my shield. I moved my shield to block him, forcing his blade to the ground. He stepped back. I spun his blade around, pushed my wrist out to the left, and caught his blade on my guard. I thrust. He was too slow with his shield. My point pierced through his leather armour. My sword imbedded itself in his heart. He fell to the ground in a lifeless heap. I pulled my sword free from his body. Reading on this site? This novel is published elsewhere. Support the author by seeking out the original. The adrenaline started to wear off, and the reality of what I had done came crashing down on me. I stepped back from his body. My blade was covered in his blood. I stumbled further away from the boy. My sword was dragged to the ground. What had I done? I had killed someone. I took another step back, and I hit something. I turned around, raising my sword. My heart started to beat ten times faster. I was still shaking from my last encounter with a Tiffer. But this person wasn¡¯t a Tiffer soldier; he was in an Ossorian uniform. I looked up at his face. Calla! It was Calla. He looked just as shocked as me. Once he got over the sock, a smile played across his face. ¡°Rico!¡± He fell into my arms. He nearly impaled me on his sword. I pushed him off. I wasn¡¯t in the mood to get stabbed by either a Tiffer soldier or by Calla. I was overjoyed to see him in one piece, but I wanted him to stay in one piece. If he had continued to cling onto me, we would have gotten skewered. "Calla, stay near me, but try to refrain from hugging me until the end of the battle.¡± "Yes, Fi-Rico.¡± It was weird to hear my full name on his lips. He only ever used my full name when making fun of me. There was a movement in the corner of my eye. I turned to see one of our own pegasuses falling from the sky. Its body writhed in pain as it plummeted towards the ground with an arrow in its side. Its rider had been thrown off. I couldn¡¯t see them. I really hope he was caught by someone. The pegasus hit the ground with a bone-shattering thump. It was swallowed by the crown of soldiers. I hadn¡¯t had a proper chance to see it, but it reminded me of Mim?e. I had loved riding him in the local competitions. I really hoped that Mama hadn¡¯t sold him. I would have joined the party if Calla rode. The battle seemed to be getting fiercer. The Tiffer army was pushing us further and further back. I looked around at the carnage. There were dead and dying everywhere. I wanted to help each one of them. They were all people, just like me, who had families and maybe even lovers. I hated to let them die. I watched in horror as an Ossory soldier was disarmed. He stumbled backwards, holding his shield in front of him, in an attempt to protect himself. There was a look of pure terror in the boys¡¯ eyes. He knew his death was near. I could have helped, but I think fear held me where I was. The Tiffer soldier was about to kill the boy when, in a blur of motion, Calla was there. He had had his sword raised. With an element of surprise and a bit of pure luck, he stabbed his sword into the Tiffer boy¡¯s gut. The Tiffer soldier fell to the ground with a terrible scream. He writhed in pain for a few seconds before life left his body. The Ossory boy collected his sword from the ground a few metres away and muttered thanks to Calla before running towards another Tiffer soldier. I was impressed by his bravery. Calla lowered his blood-stained sword. He was breathing heavily. Tears stung his eyes. ¡°You did a good thing.¡± He looked unconvinced. ¡°Do you want to tell that to the dead boy,¡± He looked me dead in the eye. There was guilt and regret in every centimeter of his body, ¡°I don¡¯t think he would agree.¡± Arrows still rained down from above and the battle still deafened my thoughts, but we just stood there looking at one another. Calla was too kind for his own good sometimes. I knew the guilt of death would weigh upon him for the rest of his life, long after the war. I heard a flap of wings above. Close. Very close. The soldier had his bow drawn. I knew archery, and that arrow was aimed directly at Calla. ¡°Calla, spat¨¨t?e!¡± He understood the warning and raised his shield above his head as the arrow came down from the heavens. The arrow shattered onto his shield; wood shards flew in all directions. I had a moment of relief before I saw it. 5. Was-History lessons Chapter 5 Was That was when he saw him. Fi-Rico had spotted the most beautiful boy he had ever seen sitting at the front of the annoyingly hot classroom. His blond hair seemed to light up the whole room. He was lounging in his chair, his coat slung carelessly over the back of his chair. Qi-Calla was paying the small, dark-haired, dark-eyed boy at the back of the classroom no mind, or so it looked to Fi-Rico. He was chatting loudly with a few of his friends. Sa-Pillum lent towards Fi-Rico, ¡°You¡¯re staring at the hot boy.¡± ¡°Shut up!¡± Fi-Rico punched Sa-Pillum in the arm. ¡°So, you like him? I really do think he¡¯s hot.¡± ¡°Ga la nan amro su,¡± I do not like him. ¡°Tam stum la.¡± You so do. The boys at Pallamin collage used an odd mix of both Mino and Dallie. School was taught in Mino but most of the boys first language was Dallie. This made for some odd hybrid conversations. Qi-Calla hated history. He found the professor dull and the subject even duller. The only good part was that Fi-Rico was in his class. Fi-Rico was the hottest boy in school in his opinion. The only problem was that Fi-Rico sat at the back of the classroom, and he and his friends sat at the front. This made it very difficult to look at Fi-Rico without his friends noticing. Qi-Calla knew they were fine about boys dating boys, but when your friends know about your crush, they never let you forget it. He just didn¡¯t need them to know about Fi-Rico yet. If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. The history lesson seemed to drag on forever. All Fi-Rico could think about riding Mim?e that afternoon, and he normally quite enjoyed history; maybe the heat was getting to him. A competition was coming up soon, and he still hadn¡¯t beaten his best time. All Qi-Calla could think about was what he would say to Fi-Rico after the lesson (he had finally gotten up the courage to talk to Fi-Rico). The lesson finally ended. Fi-Rico was packing his things up when Qi-Calla came over. He stopped and looked up to see calla standing in front of him. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry to ask you this, Rico.¡± Qi-Calla avoided meeting Fi-Rico¡¯s eyes, saying, ¡°But do you think you could help me with this history stuff? I just can¡¯t seem to get it.¡± Fi-Rico turned to look behind him, just to check if there was another Rico standing behind him. When there wasn''t, he pointed to himself and said, ¡°Me. You¡¯re asking me for help.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Qi-Calla said tentatively looking anywhere but at Fi-Rico. ¡°If you¡¯re free, you could come to mine this afternoon and we could go through some of the content.¡± Fi-Rico was amazed at the words he had just spoken. ¡°That would be amazing!¡± Qi-Calla beamed in delight. ¡°If you meet me by the school gates, we can walk to mine together.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll see you then.¡± ¡°See you then.¡± Qi-Calla turned and left the classroom. Fi-Rico finished packing his things into his leather satchel. He left the sweltering classroom grinning from ear to ear. He was going to be spending a lot more time with Qi-Calla now. Qi-Calla rejoined his friends. He was completely zoned out by their convocation. His mind was still full of the conversation he had just had with Fi-Rico. He couldn¡¯t wait to spend more time with Fi-Rico. 6. When he joined the stars Chapter 6 When he joined the stars A Tiffer soldier had come up behind Calla. Neither of us had noticed. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. I was about to call out a warning to Calla, but I was too late. The Tiffer soldier thrust at Calla''s unguarded body. It was a strong and lethal hit. The thin piece of iron stabbed through his leather armour as though it were butter. The Tiffer soldier pulled the sword out of Calla, allowing the wound to bleed. And it did bleed. So much blood poured from the open wound. Before he fell, a look of surprise crossed his face. The look of surprise was immediately followed by a look of pain. He fell to the ground. Holding his bleeding wound in a futile attempt to stop the bleeding. His breath came in gasps. Blood gushed from the wound, staining the grass and his clothes a startling shade of red. My own shock was washed away by pure anger. I cried out in anger and grief. I charged towards the Tiffer. In one long, deadly slash of my sword, his throat was cut. The tip of my thin sword was now red. He did not even have a moment to scream. Blood gushed from his neck, but he was already dead. Before the Tiffer even hit the ground, I was at Callas side. I threw my sword to the ground. I slipped my shield off my arm. I gently cradled his head in my lap. He was sweaty and shaky. His face was pale and screwed up in pain. Blood poured from the wound. I moved my hand in an attempt to stop the bleeding, but the blood just ran through my fingers. The wound was too deep. I couldn¡¯t look at it. Instead, I looked down at his pale face. The face I found so much solace in was now pale, colourless, and riddled with pain. No smile rested easily on his lips. All his normal joy was gone. ¡°Tam su feem en gi adro. Ga umu turema, turema.¡± You are all right, my love. I am here, here. I trailed off at the end. I knew that only part of my statement was true, and it wasn¡¯t that he would be all right. With a groan of pain, he gripped my hand. His grip was weak. I had given up trying to stop the bleeding. I gently stroked his soft cheek. The blood continued to come, staining everything red. My left sleeve was no longer white but red. The grass beneath him was red. My yellow pants were red. ¡°I will get a medic. You will survive this,¡± I said with no conviction. Tears ran down my face. I knew he was as good as dead. The life was leaking out of him, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. His wound wouldn¡¯t stop bleeding. His blood leaked from the useless leather armour. There was a circle of blood all around him. The dying grass was now stained crimson with his blood. Tears flowed down my face, joining his blood. He looked up at me. There was none of the normal joy in his eyes. But there was love. He was looking at me the same way he had looked at me after our first kiss. Pure love. Though his face held love, he spoke in a voice of pain and sorrow, ¡°Don¡¯t leave me. Please don¡¯t let me die alone.¡± I began to play with his hair, wrapping and unwrapping his curls around my finger. He had always done the same for me. A hint of a smile passed across his face. I smiled. I was sad, but to see him happy, even if it was a small amount of happiness, brought me more joy than I can describe. The battle made his last words almost impossible to hear, but I was bent so close to his face that I heard every syllable: ¡°Look for me in the stars tonight, gi adro.¡± My love. His hand fell out of mine. The life left his eyes. He continued to look at me without seeing. I couldn¡¯t bear to see his eyes, so I closed them. ¡°I love you. I will look for you in the stars tonight. I promise,¡± I kissed his forehead; it was still warm. His sweat still sat on his skin. I gingerly wrapped my arms around his body for one last embrace. I pushed my living body against his dead body, wishing life to return to his limbs. It was stupid, but I needed him to be all right. I needed him to be alive. My breathing was ragged, catching in my throat from the tears and the fist-sized lump of grief growing in my throat. * * * I don¡¯t know how long I stayed on the ground, holding Calla. I only let go when someone rested a hand on my shoulder and said, "You have to let go.¡± I shook my head. They said it again, this time crouching next to me. They said, ¡°You have to let go.¡± I allowed the person to pull me free from Calla''s body. I turned to look at the person whose arm was wrapped around my shoulder, the person who was leading me away from Calla. I didn¡¯t recognise him. ¡°Who are you?¡± I managed to stutter out through the tears. ¡°Me-Li-Stagtum. I¡¯m one of the medics.¡± I already knew that. The ¡®Me¡¯ at the beginning of his name said as much. ¡°What is your name?¡± His voice was nice. The tone was pleasing. ¡°Fi-Rico.¡± ¡°Fi-Rico, I¡¯m going to help you get cleaned up. Is that ok?¡± I didn¡¯t understand why the medic was helping me; I was uninjured, and I¡¯m sure there were people more in need of help than me. But I was in no mood to argue, so I allowed him to lead me away from Calla. He led me to the medic¡¯s tent. He sat me down on one of the cots, then hurried off to get his things. I think he told me what he was getting, but I wasn¡¯t paying attention; I was too stuck in my mind to care. He came hurrying back with a bucket of water, a cloth, some new clothes, and his medical supplies. The last one confused me. I didn¡¯t think I was injured, but I¡¯m sure he had his reasons. Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. I just sat there as he removed my armour, then my shirt, and using the cloth, he gently whipped away the blood from my torso. When he got to my left wrist, it hurt. I looked down at my wrist. There was an open cut there. Interesting. When did I get that? After he had finished cleaning the area, he opened his medical kit, put some cream on it, and then wrapped some bandages around my wrist. ¡°I didn¡¯t know I was cut.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t it hurt? It is quite a deep cut.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t really paying attention.¡± A small node, then he finished cleaning the blood off the rest of my body. I then got dressed in the new uniform Me-Li-Stagtum had gotten me. I wish I could have changed into my own clothes. It is not like the army uniform is uncomfortable, but my clothes are better. It had been about three months since I had worn my own clothes. It has been three months since they changed the enlistment age to sixteen. Three months since I had felt safe. Once I was finished getting dressed, I thanked Me-Li Stagtum. ¡°It was my pleasure. Just come back here tomorrow. I want to check on the wound; make sure it doesn¡¯t get infected.¡± I nodded to Me-Li-Stagtum, then turned to leave. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for your loss, Fi-Rico.¡± Me-Li-Stagtum called after me. I gave another small nod of thanks and then left before I could start crying again. Even if I had wanted to say something, I don¡¯t think my voice would have worked. I knew it was impolite, but I wasn¡¯t about to break down in front of him. He had already seen me at my worst, and he had seen me partially naked, so I didn¡¯t need him to see me cry again. I didn¡¯t know where to go, so I just headed in the direction of my tent. I felt tears forming in my eyes as the lump in my throat that had never really gone away grew bigger. I sped up. I was almost running now. ¡°Rico!¡± I stopped to see where the voice came from. ¡°Rico!¡± Pill. It was a pill. He came running towards me. He pulled me into his embrace and said, "Thank the stars, you¡¯re alright. I was about to go to the medical tent to look for you and Calla. Do you know where Calla is?¡± I couldn¡¯t bring myself to say the words. When I stayed quiet, he let go of me. He looked at the tears in my eyes. The joy that had been in him only seconds before rushed out of his body. ¡°Is he?¡± He had tears in his eyes as well now. ¡°Rico, is he?¡± I nodded. Words couldn¡¯t form. I began to sob. Pill stood there, his mouth slightly open, tears streaming down his face. We stood there for what felt like hours. ¡°Let¡¯s find somewhere to sit.¡± Pills voice was small. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and without making a conscious decision, I led us to the breakfast spot. I crumpled to the ground, cradling my head in my hands. ¡°I watched him die. He was lying in my arms, and there was nothing I could do.¡± I needed to speak, and I knew Pill would listen. He didn¡¯t say anything. He understood what I needed better than I did. Calla had always been that person for me. The person who could calm me down. Who seemed to know me better than anyone? But he was gone, but Pill was still there, and he was an amazing friend to me. A memory suddenly resurfaced: ¡°Minra died. He told me to make sure he got home. "II didn¡¯t want to hurt Pill anymore, but he had the right to know another of his close friends had died. He didn¡¯t say anything. But his whole body crumpled in on itself. His crying grew in intensity. We stayed in the breakfast spot in silence until the horn blew. It signalled us to go to the central green to pay our respects to those lost in battle. This was going to be hard. I hated the idea of crying in front of the other soldiers, but the burnings were hard enough with Calla. Now I had no Calla, and I would have to watch him burn. When we arrived at the central green, the wooden cremation beds were already set up with a single body lying on each one, wrapped in a burial shroud. The only way to tell who was who was by the small piece of wood engraved with their name. I found Calla. He was wrapped in a blue shroud to show he was a Bwann¨¦ia. I walked towards him. An overflowing feeling of grief washed over me. I fell to my knees. I began to cry, and despite my best efforts, I couldn¡¯t stop. I was so lost in my own tears that I was drowning. I was disappearing under the water. My breath was catching in my throat. I couldn¡¯t breathe properly. All I could do was rasp and pant. I wanted it to end. I wanted to die. To join calls, The tears stung as they fell. Pill came towards me and rested his hand on my shoulder. I shrugged him off and said, "Fuck off Pill.¡± He stumbled backwards. I could see tears in his brown eyes, but I didn¡¯t care. I just wanted him to leave. I needed him to go. He left. Good. A Bwann¨¦ia brought the torch down onto the kindling beneath Calla''s body. The fire began. His body was soon engulfed in flames. His body burned away. His blond hair. His blue eyes. His lips are smooth. I would never see any part of him again. It took an hour and a half before the ashes could be collected. The same Bwann¨¦ia that had lit the fire also collected the ashes. After he had swept up all the ashes, he passed me the large ceramic jar and asked, "Could you fill in all the information on the death certificate? Make sure we get him to the correct place. Add that medal to his ribbon. I should get to his parents by the summer.¡± I accepted the jar and medal with a numb nod. I left the central green. I went back to the tent to get a quill and pocketknife. I sat on the ground next to the tent. The light was fading fast, so I started with the hardest part. I used my pocketknife to carve out his name on the lid of the jar. QI: C A L L A. It wasn¡¯t the neatest, but I tried my hardest. I then filled in the small paper card that would ensure he got home. Ossorian Bwann¨¦ia death certificate Full name: Qi-Calla Date of birth and death: Manti 21 94 - Backshi 5 110 Place of birth: Pallamin Parents place of residence: Pallamin Father: Qi-Lanti Mother: Qi~Hanra I used the light blue ribbon to tie the card onto the handle of the jar. It felt stupid, and it must have looked pretty stupid, but I kissed the jar and said, ¡°I will see you on the stars tonight, Gi Adro.¡± I gently cradled the jar in my arms before setting it on the ground with all the others. They would be taken away from the people¡¯s families tomorrow morning. I looked back at the pot. It was the last time I ever looked at Calla. * * * I returned to my tent. I only noticed that I had been crying for hours when I stopped. My grief was beyond tears, or I had finally run out of tears. In a dream-like state, I began looking through Calla¡¯s things. In a small box was his medal ribbon. It had the two medals I had. First was the rising sun medal. This medal was given at the end of your training; it represents a figurative new day for your life. Next was the star medal. The star medal was given after your first battle. It was to recognise those lost in the war and to show you your first act of service. With shaky hands, I added the last medal he would ever receive. The rising moon shows the end of the day and the beginning of the time of the dead. Once I had pinned the moon medal to his ribbon, I placed it back in its small wooden box. I collected all his personal belongings in a small fabric bag. I then put the bag in my pack. I wanted to make sure his things wouldn¡¯t get lost. The next belongings mail wouldn¡¯t be until summer, and the army had a track record of losing things. I would keep his things until I knew they were on their way to the Qi family. 7. My relationships go down the drain Chapter 7 My relationships go down the drain When the light had fully disappeared from the sky, I went to the spot. I lay on the ground. The cool grass tickled my body, and the smell of coming rain hung in the air. Clouds began to roll across the sky. Trees framed the night. Stars began to pop up across the black void. The battle had left over a hundred dead. That number was small compared to other battles. The area around Kalim¨¨th had around 20,000 soldiors when I joined. Now we only had about 13, 000. In just a few months, we had lost 7 000 men, and we were no better off for it. The Tiffer army was advancing, and we were failing to push them back. My gaze raced across the star-lit sky. I had no way of telling which star Calla was. I hated that. I wanted to be able to look at him. To look at him and feel him lying next to me again. The night felt bitterly cold without Calla next to me. Without his arm around mine, his body pushed against me, his lips on mine. I whispered to the night, ¡°I came, Calla. Did you?¡± I don¡¯t know what I expected, but I wanted him to jump from behind a bush, yelling, "I got you! I¡¯m actually alive!¡± He wouldn''t. I knew he wouldn¡¯t. He was dead, and there was nothing I could do. I hated the feeling of helplessness pressing in from all angles. I wanted to be able to fix everything. To go back in time and stop his death from happening. Clouds now cover the whole sky. I couldn¡¯t see a single star anymore. I didn¡¯t want to leave. I wanted to stay there all night, but the rain had come. The Sting season was about to begin. I had always had weak lungs, and Sting almost killed me once when I was seven. I had to spend two weeks in the town hospital coughing up my insides. My lungs had been severely damaged after that. I was told if I got it again, it would likely kill me. Sting was not the kind of thing you had immunity against. The more times you get it, the more likely it is to kill you. * * * I lay in bed on the ground. I didn¡¯t sleep. Rain smashed against the tent, filling my mind with its endless noise. I replayed his death over and over. I cried most of the night. I hope no one heard me sobbing. I think the rain was enough to cover it up. I knew Pill was awake because he never started snoring. He always snores. He probably heard me crying, but since the burnings, we haven¡¯t spoken. I felt guilty for telling him to fuck off. Maybe I will apologise tomorrow. I didn¡¯t think I could deal with losing another important person in my life. The morning bell was both a blessing and a curse. I needed to stop wallowing in self-pity, but the last thing I wanted to do was put up with people. I knew that they would just want me to continue as though nothing had happened. I didn¡¯t think I could. The only good thing about that day was that there was no battle. I don¡¯t know why, but we were taking an indefinitely long break. The pegasus had a hard time flying in the rain, and they were one of our biggest assets. The Tiffers also relied heavily on their staff. It was still raining when I exited the tent, but it was only a sprinkle. I didn''t know what to eat, so I went to the place where the Pegasus were tied up. I wasn¡¯t allowed to see the Pegasus, but barely any Bwann¨¦ia ever did. Most of them were scared. The little wimps. The army pegasi were beautiful. They were strong and large, handpicked from farmers and stables. I went up to one of the smaller ones. His coat was soft and well-kept. He was stunningly beautiful. I so badly wanted to jump onto him and fly away. Fly away to a land without grief. A land without pain. But I couldn¡¯t. There was nowhere I could go to escape the pain I felt. It wasn¡¯t possible to just fly away from your problems. I know, I¡¯ve tried. ¡°And just who do you think you are?¡± I turned around to see the general of the Spat¨¨tie. I covered my eyes and gave him a deep bow. ¡°I apologise for my intrusion, General Di-T¨¤nto. I was just admiring one of your pegasi.¡± ¡°He is a beautiful one. Trustworthy as well. I trust Rangly with my life in every battle.¡± Shit! This was the general Pegasus, ¡°General I sincerely apologise. I had no idea this was your Pegasus.¡± I backed away from Rangly at the speed of light. A small smile appeared on his face. ¡°That¡¯s all right. You seem to have a love for these animals. I respect that. Why didn¡¯t you join the Spat¨¨tie?¡± ¡°I was a p?dantr?s, but I was moved to being a Bwann¨¦ia. I love riding, but my mother preferred to have me on the ground. She really has no idea what this war is really like.¡± ¡°I¡¯m always looking for new riders, so if you ever feel like becoming a part of the Spat¨¨tie, I¡¯m sure I could arrange something with Da-Biwana.¡± Stolen novel; please report. I covered my eyes and bowed again. ¡°Thank you, General. I will consider your offer.¡± It was the first time since his death that I felt hope. He nodded, then turned away. My mind began to race. I could finally do what I love. I could ride and do archery at the same time. Now that there was no Calla to stop me, No, I won¡¯t go there. He never held me back. He was always there for me. I stopped myself from joining the Spat¨¨tie. He was the kindest person in my life. I broke down again. I slumped against a tree. The ground was still wet from the rain, but I didn¡¯t care. The trees loomed above me. The sun hadn¡¯t quite risen above the mountains. The morning was cold and wet. I hated it. The worst part was that the rainy season had only just begun. The rain would only get harder and more frequent for the next two months. Then the snow would set in. * * * Once I was done with my mental breakdown, I went to the medical tent. It was by far the biggest tent in the camp. A flag with a sun rising from a crescent moon marked it as the medic tent. I pushed the heavy tent flap away and entered the large space. It had a strong smell of cleaning products and blood. There were injured men from yesterday¡¯s battle lying on nearly all the beds; some groaned, others were still asleep, and others were unconscious. A medic was sitting at their bedside, injecting the necessary fluids into their bloodstream. When I came in, Me-Li-Stagtum rushed up to me and said, "Good, you came.¡± ¡°You asked, and when a medic tells you to do something, you should probably do it unless you want them to hunt you down.¡± He nodded, then led me to one of the only unoccupied beds and said, "Sit down.¡± ¡°Demanding much,¡± I muttered to myself. I think he heard me because a small smile played across his face. ¡°Has your arm been bothering you at all?¡± ¡°No. And I¡¯m no medic, but I¡¯m pretty sure infections don¡¯t form overnight.¡± ¡°No. But with the proper care, an infection can be prevented, and I don¡¯t want it to get infected. It causes more work for me, and I¡¯m a lazy bitch,¡± which made me laugh. He took my left arm in his soft, warm hands. He gently unwrapped the bandages from the cut. It was the first time I had seen the wound. The moment I saw it, it began to sting. Odd. Yesterday I hadn¡¯t really taken in Me-Li-Stagtum, but now looking at him, he looked not that much older than me. ¡°How old are you?¡± He looked up from my cut, where he was applying some kind of balm. He blew some of his long blond hair that had come free from his bun out of his face. My mother would have loved him. She had been trying to get me to grow my hair long for ever. She wanted me to have a more traditional hair style, but I didn¡¯t want to have to do all that hair care shit. ¡°Seventeen.¡± ¡°Seventeen! Are you even qualified?¡± ¡°My father was a medic, so I grew up around it. By the time I was fourteen, I was already taking basic care of some of my dad¡¯s patients. It was just basic things like changing bandages and checking vitals with him breathing down my neck. This year, they didn¡¯t just lower the age of army enlistment; they also lowered the age you could join medical school. They need more medics just as much as they need soldiers, so I jumped at the chance to get my license.¡± ¡°That¡¯s impressive,¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± His acceptance of compliments was enviable. He rewrapped my arm in bandages. He passed me a roll of bandages and said, ¡°I want you to change the dressing every day. And as you pointed out before, infections don¡¯t form overnight, so come back in two days.¡± I stood up and bowed to him. I didn¡¯t like him much, but I didn¡¯t hate him either. Even if I hated him, I still would have shown him the proper respect. My mother did teach me some manners. I internally cursed him. I didn¡¯t want to come back. I would be fine. The worst part was that I couldn¡¯t be mad at him because he was just doing his job. But I was still going to be mad because I could. Juvenile? 100%. I hate it when people care for my health and wellbeing. I saw Pill outside the tent. He was running his fingers through his hair. He had large bags under his eyes. He looked like he hadn¡¯t slept. He had a bad case of bedhead. Even when his hair was messy, it was gorgeous. He had a very traditional hair style. Shoulder-length hair with Tibtans, small parts of hair rapped in cotton thread traditional to Pallamin and other parts of Ossory. I only had one at the back of my head. It looked odd with my short hair, but mom insisted that I have one for luck. Even in his grief, I can see how he got the prettiest girl in our year, Ta~Flamie. She was waiting back home for his five years of compulsory service to end. I was hoping he would be among the minority of those who returned alive. When he saw me, he turned and began to walk away. I called out his name. He turned to face me and said, "Yesterday, you wanted me to fuck off, and now you want me to stay. Make up your mind.¡± ¡°I wanted to apologise for telling you to fuck off.¡± I knew immediately that my tone had ruined the whole encounter. I wasn¡¯t thinking, and I went on the defensive. ¡°I know you are hurting, but I am too. You lost a boyfriend, but I lost two of my closest friends. Did you ever think of that?¡± In retrospect, I should have just apologised, but of course I couldn¡¯t. ¡°Well, I had to watch them die.¡± My voice cracked, and I felt stupid. I didn¡¯t want to, but I started crying. I had been holding it back for too long, and it all came out at once. ¡°That must have been so hard for you. I hope you feel better soon. If you watch any of my other friends¡¯s deaths, be sure to come tell me about how much worse you have it.¡± His voice was dripping with sarcasm. He then turned and rushed off. I think he started crying. I just stood there for a minute. The sun had just broken through the clouds, bathing me in warmth. I swear the sky likes to make fun of me. I stood there feeling nothing but anger until the guilt came crashing down on me. I couldn¡¯t have handled the situation any worse. Pill was the only person I had left, and now I have lost him. He was right. I was wrong. I hated to admit it, but it was true. I hated him for that. I wish Calla was there. He would have known what to do. He would have known how to reconcile with Pill. He would have known how to comfort me after his death. Now, that just didn¡¯t make sense, but it was true. He always knew what to do. But now. Now he was gone, and I would never have him solace me again. I needed him to get me through his death. Again, that makes no logical sense, but who¡¯s brain ever makes logical sense? 8. Me-Li-Stagtum Chapter 8 Me-Li-Stagtum Two days since He had died. I guess that¡¯s how I¡¯m measuring time now. How long since I lost him. What a morbid way to measure time. The commander hadn¡¯t sent us to the battlefield in two days. I was relieved, but I was also getting restless. I hated the chores I was set to do. They were trivial and left me with too much time alone. I needed to do something. Now that I no longer have a pill, I spend an increasing amount of time alone. I spent all my time trapped in my own thoughts. It was very healthy. On the morning of the second day, I ate a small breakfast. I couldn¡¯t eat any more than a few mouthfuls without feeling like throwing up. It felt wrong to enjoy things when Calla would never enjoy anything again. I sat alone on the edge of the forest. People didn¡¯t like to go near the forest. They said it was too dark and cold. I didn¡¯t mind it for the sole reason that there were never any people. I was sure that when I went into the forest, I could still see the blazing white tents of the camp. I wasn¡¯t in the mood to get lost in an unknown forest so close to the Tiffer border. That was just asking to get killed. As much as I hated life right now, I wanted to be able to get home. Not cause my family any more pain than they already had to go through when I was sent away to war. Once I finished eating my three mouthfuls of breakfast, I went to the medical tent. Me-Li-Stagtum had asked me to see him again, and I had nothing better to do than wallow in self-pity, so I went to the medical tent. I¡¯m not convinced that he was just checking my physical health; I think he was checking up on me mentally as well. I don¡¯t know if that is really what he meant by his job description, but it was nice to talk to someone besides the annoying voice in my head. When I entered the medical tent, there were significantly fewer people. Me-Li-Stagtum was at the bedside of an older man. The man had a splint on his leg and bandages around his head. Me-Li-Stagtum was trying to convince him to eat some wh¨¨int?mba. If I were him, I wouldn¡¯t have eaten it either. I was so sick of that stuff. When Me-Li-Stagtum spotted me, he called out, ¡°I¡¯ll be done in a minute. You can take a seat in the same place as last time.¡± I nodded in response and headed for the bed in the back of the tent. I walked past so many injured people. In the medic tent, there were four rows of beds: one row against each wall and two rows down the centre. The tent could hold about a hundred people if every bed was being used. I felt awkward sitting there, waiting for him to finish with his patient. It took him nearly twenty minutes to get the man to eat only a few mouthfuls of food. He stopped pushing the man at five spoonfuls. ¡°How are you, Fi-Rico?¡± he asked, and he came towards me. ¡°Fine.¡± When he came closer, he looked me up and down and asked, "Have you been eating enough?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± he said, looking unconvinced but letting the topic drop. He turned his attention to my arm. ¡°Let¡¯s have a look at your arm,¡± he said, unwrapping the bandages. When the bandages came off, he looked at me with an annoyed expression and said, ¡°You haven¡¯t changed the dressing. Are you a fucking idiot? You¡¯re lucky you came in today; any longer and the infection would be much worse.¡± A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation. I didn¡¯t know what to say, and I was so shocked that he had just sworn at me that I stayed quiet. He put a strong-smelling liquid on the cut. It hurt a lot. I pulled my arm away from him. I didn''t mean to; it was just a reflex. ¡°Stay still and let me help you.¡± His voice was coated with annoyance. He put more of the strong-smelling liquid on, and this time I kept still despite the pain. He re-wrapped my arm. Even in his annoyance, he did everything gently and expertly. He was young but amazingly good at his job. ¡°Come find me at dinner,¡± he said, not as a question but as a demand. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want you to sit alone. Also, you need to eat. You can go now,¡± he waved his hand at me like I was a dog. He then turned his back to me and began packing up his medical supplies. ¡°Thank you, Me-Li-Stagtum,¡± I said, giving him a small bow. ¡°Please call me Staggy. I hate my full name. So formal. Also, don¡¯t bow. I am not your superior. We are the same rank.¡± ¡°Then I suppose you can call me Rico.¡± I waved instead of bowing this time. I then left the medical tent. Staggy was oddly kind to me. He was annoying and confident in himself, and he cared for me (I think). I didn¡¯t really want to have to put up with him when I didn¡¯t have to, but I assumed that I would find him at dinner. On second thought, I don¡¯t think I had much of a choice. He probably would have hunted me down and dragged me to where he was eating, then forced food down my throat. He was just that kind of guy. The rainy season had begun, and so had the leaks. I spent the rest of the day sewing patches onto the tent canvas in an attempt to stop it from leaking. It was boring work. I just sat on a ladder all day and sewed patch after patch to the canvas. Every tent in the camp seemed to need patching. My arm hurt, but it wasn¡¯t too bad. It was mild enough to ignore. * * * I didn¡¯t really want to, but I grabbed a small plate of dinner. It was rice and lentils. I had never hated lentils until I was drafted into the army. Now I hated lentils with a burning passion. I found Staggy sitting with two other people. I didn¡¯t know either of them. Staggy waved me over. I curled my legs beneath me and sat down on the grass next to him, resting my plate on my lap. ¡°Rico I¡¯m so glad you came.¡± It¡¯s not like I had a choice; ¡°this is Re-Gill and De-Figra; they¡¯re p?dantr?s. We went to school together in Sun City, and we just so happened to all end up in the same regiment. Gill, Figra This is Fi-Rico; he is a Bwann¨¦ia.¡± That was new; Staggy lived in the sun city. Interesting. It explained his self-importance. He had never had to work his ass off on a farm. I gave them a small wave, but I was feeling very uncomfortable. They were staring at me. I didn¡¯t like them staring at me. I silently cursed Staggy for caring about me. I took a small bite of my rice, hoping to avoid conversation. I had no such luck. ¡°Rico, where are you from?¡± Re-Gill had darker skin than me and straight black hair that fell to about his elbows. He had two Tibtans. That was interesting. It was a dying tradition. Most people now opt for more practical, shorter hairstyles (me included). ¡°I¡¯m from Pallamin. It¡¯s near the Scilanet mountain range.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never heard of Pallamin,¡± De-Figra said. He had dirty blond hair and skin so pail that if he spent more than two seconds in the sun, he would come out looking like a tomato. The rest of dinner was mostly them drilling me. They asked me so many questions. It made me very uncomfortable. When I finished my food, I made my excuses and hurried off. Staggy ran after me, ¡°Rico!¡± I stopped turning to face him and said, "Come join us for breakfast tomorrow.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I can.¡± I turned to leave, but he gripped my right arm. His hand looked very white against my skin. ¡°I know you can, so you will. See you tomorrow.¡± He didn¡¯t wait for me to respond. He let go of my wrist and then walked back towards his friends. I had no intention of joining him for breakfast the next morning. * * * The next day, I joined Staggy, Re-Gill, and De-Figra for breakfast. It wasn¡¯t as bad as the night before. They had finished drilling me in every aspect of my life. Now I just sat there as they discussed random sh*t. I would only chip in when I was directly asked to. I didn¡¯t enjoy my meals with them at first, but after dinner on the second day, I was coming around. They weren''t too bad. 9. I missed you Chapter 9 I missed you I was beginning to feel better, but he was always in the back of my mind. No matter what I did, Calla was in my head. I needed his memory to leave me alone, but I couldn¡¯t forget the blood that came from his broken body. The look in his eyes. The way he smiled at me even in his pain. He had loved me, and I still loved him. Even death could not take away my love for him. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn¡¯t shake the image of his dead body lying in a pool of his own blood. I couldn¡¯t even escape him in my sleep. He came to me every time I managed to find sleep. He would say nothing. He would just stare at me as blood poured from his body. He would look at me as though it were my fault he was dead. Some part of me believed in a in a dream, Calla. I had this feeling that there was something I could have done to save him. I needed him to leave me alone. It would be the best thing for me, but I wouldn¡¯t allow myself to forget. It felt like a disgrace to his memory not to think of him every second of every day. He had died, and it was my job to keep his memory alive. I think I knew in my heart that allowing myself to enjoy things and allowing Calla¡¯s memory to leave me for a while would have been good for me, but my guilt for his death overpowered that very reasonable thought. I needed my mother. I needed my own bed. I needed to go home, but most of all, I needed Calla back. He was the reason I didn¡¯t give up and let myself be killed in the fruitless war. The Tiffer was stronger than us; they had more men and better resources. No one really knew much about the Tiffer Kingdom, but I do know it was rich in materials. On one of our shared borders is the Kalim¨¨th Forest. This forest has valuable wood and healing plants. They also had a large mountain range that must have been filled with valuable minerals. They had us beat in every respect, so why the fuck were we still fighting? We still hadn¡¯t been called to battle. I was glad for the break, but I hated the constant stress that hung over the camp. We were all becoming restless and fatigued with the endless list of chores. On the fourth day, I woke up drenched in sweat. In my dreams, Pill had died. He died, and I had no chance to apologise for the shitty way I had treated him. I needed to reconcile with Pill before it was too late. I hated the thought of him dying, but in this war, it was extremely likely, so I didn¡¯t want him to die hating me. Before I went to breakfast, I grabbed my uniform and a towel and walked down to the lake. The morning was cold and windy, and the last thing I wanted to do was jump into a freezing lake, but there was no way in hell that I was going to go around that day smelling the way I did. Once I got to the lake, I stripped my clothes off. The strong easterly wind made me shiver, and goosebumps erupted across my body. I walked to the lake shore and dipped my foot into the water to test the temperature. ¡°Fuck! That¡¯s cold!¡± It felt like I had just dipped my foot into a pile of snow. I took my foot out of the frigid water, and before I could chicken out, I ran into the water and dove in. When my head broke the surface, I gasped, and the cold filled my lungs. The cold woke my body up much more effectively than the loud morning bell ever had. I washed the stale sweat off as quickly as possible. I didn¡¯t want to spend any more time in the frigid water than was necessary. I ducked my head under the water and gave it a quick scrub to remove the grease and dirt. The moment I had finished, I practically flew out of the water. The air felt warm on my cold, red skin. Even though I was freezing, it was so good to feel clean. I hadn¡¯t properly cleaned myself since Calla died. I used to wash most nights, but my mental state had been so bad that I couldn¡¯t bring myself to do anything besides what I was required to do. I got dressed in my uniform. I missed my own clothes. I had only worn nothing but the army uniform for multiple months. Even though I had been wearing it for such a long time, I still felt like a fraud in it. I should have had two more years before having to wear this uniform. I now had around four and a half years left of wearing it (that was if I wasn¡¯t killed before my compulsory service was up). Love this story? Find the genuine version on the author''s preferred platform and support their work! The uniform wasn¡¯t uncomfortable, but yellow just wasn¡¯t my colour. It really washed me out. I didn¡¯t mind the blue and white shirt, but the yellow pants were what did it for me. I don¡¯t know why we wore such light colours, especially the white shirt; they stained so easily. A lot of people¡¯s uniforms had blood stains, both from their own blood and the blood of others. It was a morbid reminder of everything we had lost in the shitshow. I threw my towel over my shoulder and began to walk back towards the camp. I really loved this part of Ossory. Our camp lay in a valley. The Ramla mountain range surrounded us. The mountains were snowcapped at the time. Bansa¡¯s tip was completely hidden by clouds. I knew that the snow would begin to fall on us soon. Once it did start coming down, it would make everything ten times harder. The rain was already making things difficult enough, and the snow was much, much worse. I was headed in the direction of my tent to go drop my towel off. When I entered the tent, I heard sobbing. Pill was sitting on his bed, crying. Crying! I had never seen Pill cry before. I hadn¡¯t spoken to him in such a long time that I didn¡¯t know if he hated me or not. If he did hate me, he would tell me, and if he didn¡¯t hate me, then I would stay with him. Comfort him. ¡°Pill, are you all right?¡± He looked up at me. His cheeks were stained with tears, and his eyes were red and puffy. There was a momentary look of confusion that crossed his face. He then seemed to recognise me because his look of confusion turned to surprise and then to anger. ¡°Rico!¡± He pushed himself off the ground and looked at me with anger in his eyes. ¡°You fucking bitch!¡± he slapped me across the face. I was too shocked to say anything. So, I just stood there, clutching my cheek. He had a strong hit: ¡°You are such a selfish little dick.¡± He looked like he was about to slap me again, but thankfully he didn¡¯t. I don¡¯t think my face or my ego could handle it. ¡°Pill! Take a step back and explain what the fuck you are yelling at me for.¡± I immediately realised what a dumb ass I was for asking that. I knew what he was shouting at me for. ¡°What am I yelling at you for? You have been a selfish asshole. I ever thought that three of my closest friends would one day. Two died, and one was too selfish to think of anyone beyond his own selfish ass.¡± I had barely ever heard Pill swear before, and I would have enjoyed it if the swearing wasn¡¯t directed at me. ¡°And to add insult to injury, the little arse comes to me, asking if I¡¯m all right and why you are shouting at me. This war is the shittiest thing to happen to either of us, and then you go and leave me by myself. I have no one else. You have the stupid medic friend who has been holding your hand. Spoon feeding you, braiding your hair, while I have been alone with no one to so much as eat with.¡± The anger started to flow out of him. He had tears streaming down his face, and his whole body was shaking. I knew I had fucked up, but I had no idea how much of an asshole I had been. He really gave me a reality check. He was right; I was a selfish little dick. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± I was crying as well now. ¡°I really have been a selfish dick, and I am so sorry.¡± The words felt hollow and stupid in my mouth. I wanted to say something that could miraculously make everything right, but there was nothing I could think to say. I¡¯ve always been shy with words. Pill looked at me for a few seconds before falling into my arms. All the anger has drained out of him now. He looked at me with his tear-stained face and said, ¡°I¡¯ve missed you, Rico. I missed you so much.¡± I was still so shocked that I didn¡¯t know what to say. The boy who had fallen from a pegasus and broken his arm without severing a single tear was now a teary mess in my arms. I was shocked, but I understood that he needed comforting (I wasn¡¯t that thick), so I wrapped my arms around him. We stood like that for about five minutes. We were in the same boat, and I was so happy to have my best friend back. I had missed him. I hadn¡¯t realised how much I had needed him until I had lost him. We finally pulled away from one another. At last, I knew what I wanted to say to him: ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I have really missed you. This stupid fucking war has ruined so much; let¡¯s make sure it doesn¡¯t ruin our friendship again. I don¡¯t think I could deal with losing my best friend again.¡± He laughed and nodded. ¡°The last few days have been some of the worst of my life. I really need you.¡± I had known Pill since before we could walk, and he had always been the most important friend I had ever had. We grew up together on my farm. I taught him how to ride Pegasus when we were about six, and he taught me how to ice skate. I was still shit at ice skating, but he was pretty good at riding. I suppose you can tell who the better teacher is. 10. Was-Ice skating Chapter 10 Was-Ice skating Snow fell gently. It made everything white. White trees. White ground. White sky. Two boys were putting ice skates on at the edge of the frozen lake. Fi-Rico was wearing a coat two sizes too big for him (it was a hand-me-down from his father). He was practically swimming in the coat. The sleeves of his coat had been rolled up three times, and the hem of the coat was nearly touching the ground. His long brown hair was tied back in a small bun adorned with a red ribbon. Two red Tibtans hung from the bun, ending with small purple beads. Sa-Pillum wore a perfectly fitting yellow coat. He had brown shoulder-length hair with three green tibias. He was very pleased with his green Tibtans. Green dies were expensive, but his mother had gotten him a green thread for his tenth birthday. Ten was a special birthday, as it marked the age you were allowed to start wearing Tibtans. Tibtans were a way to bring luck, with each colour representing a different form of luck. His green Tibtan promised him prosperity. The day after his birthday, he had gone around to show everyone his Tibtans. Fi-Rico had eyed the green Tibtans with some amount of jealousy that day. The boys finished lacing up the ice skates (both pairs were Sa-Pillums). Fi-Rico walked towards the lake, nearly falling on each step. He silently cursed the small blades he was forced to balance on. ¡°Come on, take my hand.¡± Sa-Pillum offered his hand to Fi-Rico. He was already standing on the ice, looking perfectly balanced. ¡°I¡¯m scared.¡± In normal ten-year-old fashion, Fi-Rico was terrified to try something new and potentially scary. ¡°What if the ice cracks? What if I fall and cut myself on the ice skate blade?¡± Find this and other great novels on the author''s preferred platform. Support original creators! ¡°Stop being such a scaredy cat. The ice won¡¯t crack, and I¡¯ll make sure you don¡¯t fall.¡± ¡°You promise you won¡¯t let me fall.¡± Fi-Rico looked at Sa-Pillum pleadingly. ¡°I swear it on the stars.¡± Fi-Rico took Sa-Pillum¡¯s hand and tentatively stepped onto the ice. Fi-Rico almost immediately fell over. The only reason he didn¡¯t was because Sa-Pillum caught him, nearly falling over in the process. Fi-Rico was significantly smaller than Sa-Pillum, but when someone is falling with significant momentum and you¡¯re trying to catch them while on ice skates, it becomes very difficult very quickly. They steadied themselves, and Sa-Pillum took Fi-Rico¡¯s hands. Fi-Rico was breathing heavily. His heart was beating very quickly. ¡°You¡¯re doing great. Just try pushing out with one foot and balancing on the other.¡± Fi-Rico tried to do what Sa-Pillum told him, but his feet just slipped. Sa-Pillum had to constantly catch him: ¡°This is too hard!¡± Fi-Rico was getting more and more frustrated. ¡°Just keep trying; it gets easier.¡± ¡°Easy for you to say. You¡¯re good at this.¡± ¡°You could be good at it as well if you practice.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to practice; I want to be good at it!¡± Sa-Pillum rolled his eyes. He then let go of Fi-Rico¡¯s hands. Fi-Rico still had a bit of momentum and began to flail his arms around in an attempt to stay upright. His attempts didn¡¯t work, and he fell onto the ice. Sa-Pillum skated over easily and offered a hand to Fi-Rico. ¡°Are you all right?¡± FI-Rico took Sa-Pillum¡¯s hand and pulled himself up, saying, ¡°You didn¡¯t tell me ice skating would be so hard.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t think you would find it so hard. You always seemed so balanced,¡± a smile spread across his face. They then began to laugh. They both knew that Fi-Rico was about as clumsy as they come. The only time he seemed coordinated was when he was riding. He had managed to beat people three times his age in competitions. Fi-Rico knew that the only reason he had been allowed to keep Mim?e was because he won competitions, and Mim?e basically paid for himself. Fi-Rico fell more times than the boys could count, but even though he had a bruise, Fi-Rico was smiling and laughing along with Sa-Pillum. He was starting to come around to ice skating. 11. When I spoke Dallie a little too close to the sun Chapter 11 When I spoke Dallie a little to close to the sun I found a peaceful night of sleep for the first time since Calla died. No guilt prevented sleep from taking me, and no dreams plagued my mind. I woke up that morning feeling well rested for the first time in days. I had my best friend back, and knowing I could talk to him gave me so much comfort. When I woke up to the loud morning bell, I felt a small amount of hope for the day. I dressed in my uniform, and it didn¡¯t feel as uncomfortable as usual. When I pulled my boots on, the fact that they were two sizes too big for me didn¡¯t bother me as much. I hadn¡¯t realised how much weight my falling out with Pill had put on me until it was gone. I felt ten times lighter. A weight still rested on my shoulders, though. A weight that pushed me down into myself. This weight would only go away with time. There was no easy fix to it, and I hated that more than I can describe. I loved the easy way, but there was no easy fix for grief. Once I was finished getting dressed, Pill came towards me and said, ¡°Valstrum amee. Zeesum fee en?¡± good morning. Sleep all right? ¡°Amee amee,¡± great. Tu-Wampla came towards us with a hostile expression. "Speak, Mino. No one wants to hear your fucking language.¡± I had never liked him. In that moment, I hated him. I turned to face him and yelled, ¡°Quinta froutla!¡± silence bitch. He was not about to ruin this day that had started off so well. I looked at Pill, and he looked at me, and we both just began to laugh. This guy was about as thick as the wh¨¨int?mba we ate each morning. Tu-Wampla looked at me with pure anger in his eyes, ¡°what did you just say?¡± He was acting like a little kid. ¡°I said, quinta froutla.¡± I was impressed at how calmly I said it. ¡°Say it in Mino, you little dick!¡± ¡°I¡¯m all good, but thank you for your offer. It was very kind of you.¡± I put on my most sarcastic grin for him. He didn¡¯t like that. I worked hard to perfect my sarcastic smile. Pill was still laughing behind me, and my remark made him laugh even harder. Tu-Wampla really didn¡¯t like that. He hated it enough that he punched me. He punched me right between the eyes. Pain erupted from where his fist had connected with my face. This man was two years older than me and about thirty centimetres taller than me. In other words, his punch really fucking hurt. I stumbled slightly, and Pill steadied me. Tu-Wampla spat on the ground in front of me before leaving the tent. ¡°Fucking hell that man can punch,¡± I held my nose as blood poured from it in torrents. "Sorry, Rico, probably shouldn¡¯t have laughed.¡± Even as he said it, he was still laughing. ¡°All good, Pill. I probably should have shut up.¡± I grabbed a handkerchief from my pack and held it to my nose. It was bleeding profusely. ¡°I¡¯m just going to wait till my nose stops bleeding, then we can go to breakfast, and I will introduce you to Staggy, Gill, and Figra.¡± We had eaten just the two of us last night, but I wanted to introduce him to my friends. Support the author by searching for the original publication of this novel. * * * It took five minutes for my nose to stop bleeding. Before we went anywhere, I went to the bucket of water (usually used for hand washing) in the corner of the tent to wash the blood off my face. Staggy would have had a fit if he had seen me covered in blood. Once my face was free of blood and I had changed my shirt (I had gotten blood everywhere), we got some wh¨¨int?mba. I led Pill to where Staggy, Gill, and Figra were sitting, eating breakfast. I waved to them. The moment Staggy saw me, he jumped to his feet and rushed towards me. ¡°Your nose is swollen. Why is it swollen? Let me have a look.¡± He grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards him. He poked my nose a few times. I couldn¡¯t help but grunt in pain, ¡°swollen but not broken. Who punched you?¡± ¡°Who said someone punched me?¡± ¡°I¡¯m a medic in a camp full of young men who have spent too much time together. I know when someone¡¯s been punched. So, tell me, who punched you?¡± ¡°Tu-Wampla.¡± ¡°Ah. I never liked that bitch. Who¡¯s your friend?¡± He pointed towards Pill. Pill was looking sufficiently uncomfortable. I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile, then gestured him over, ¡°this is Sa-Pillum. He is also from Pallamin.¡± ¡°Lovely to meet you, Sa-Pillum. My name is Me-Li-Stagtum, but I hate my full name, so please call me Staggy,¡± he gave a small bow as he spoke. ¡°It is lovely to meet you, Staggy. You can call me Pill. I don¡¯t like my full name much either.¡± I could tell Pill was uncomfortable by the stiff way he was speaking. I sat down and signalled for Pill to sit down next to me. He rested his plate on his lap and spooned a small amount of food into his mouth. I turned to Pill and whispered to him, ¡°Ga revelan sum ima enta ama megana, meas tam dill quaplee xi ilu.¡± I know he can be a lot, but you get used to it. ¡°Ga umu nan ova tountana ova ga setou.¡± I am not as scary as I look. Gill had lent over and joined our convocation in Dallie. He spoke Dallie! I looked at Gill. He was smiling a stupid smile. ¡°You speak Dallie?¡± ¡°Only a bit, but yes, I speak Dallie. I grew up in a small town on the outskirts of the Sun City before I moved into the city when I was seven. It¡¯s so nice to hear you speak it. I haven¡¯t heard proper Dallie in years.¡± ¡°I¡¯m glad to be of service.¡± I bowed my head in mock politeness. I was still kind of in shock that Gill spoke Dallie. Barely anyone spoke it those days. I supposed that there were more people who spoke Dallie but didn''t, so that what happened to me didn¡¯t happen to them. Pill seemed to take a strong liking to Gill. He taught Gill some swear words in Dallie since he hadn¡¯t really spoken Dallie since he was a young boy; he had the vocabulary of a six-year-old. I loved hearing Pill swear. It was honestly so relieving to know he wasn¡¯t too big of a goody two shoes. He was always the teacher''s favourite in school. I hated school while I was there, but I almost missed it. I really hoped that my younger sister, Fi~Calula, was still doing well in school. She had always gotten good grades in school. I hoped she was still trying as hard in school. I hoped the war hadn¡¯t affected her life too badly. The more I thought about it, the more it scared me that I knew so little about my family''s lives. They could be dead, for all I knew. But no, I won¡¯t go there. I¡¯m sure they are alive and well. My mum, dad, and sister are probably sitting around the table, drinking tea, and eating some amazing meals my mother had created. Yes, that was a better thought. Even without me there, they could still be happy. Just another four and a half years before I could see them again, unless I died before I could get home. I may die like Calla. Die years before I should have even joined the army. Die before I could live. Die before I could ever see my family again. I hadn¡¯t realised that I hadn¡¯t thought about Calla all day until he was there again. I began to cry. I couldn¡¯t help it. That day had barely begun but I was already emotionally and physically spent. I tucked my legs into myself and buried my head in the yellow fabric of my pants. I felt a hand on my back. Pill¡¯s voice washed through my mind, but I couldn¡¯t make out the words. The one hand on my back then turned into an embrace. I finally made out Pills words, ¡°ga umu turema. Ga umu en turema ibi tam,¡± I am here. I am right here for you. 12. Best friends Chapter 12 Best friends I lent into Pill. He held me to him, gently speaking to me in Dallie. I didn¡¯t really listen to what he was saying, but just the sounds of Dallie comforted me. They reminded me of home. They reminded me of Calla. The fact that Dallie reminded me of Calla comforted me and made me cry even harder. Every single emotion I had been bottling up for the past few days poured out of me. I slowly deflated until, instead of sobbing, I was just crying. Once I had controlled myself enough, I turned to Pill and hugged him back. That was the reason I had missed Pill so much. He would joke around with me, but the moment he sensed I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. He had always been there for me. That was the moment I fully appreciated him. I peeled myself away from Pill and looked into his eyes, ¡°boomba boomba.¡± Thank you so much. When I looked over at Staggy, Gill, and Figra, they were all looking sufficiently uncomfortable. Colour rushed into my face. I had just broken down into a blubbery mess in front of these people. I wasn¡¯t too embarrassed about Staggy seeing me that way. He had seen me in a much worse emotional state, but Gill and Figra? That was embarrassing. I barely knew these people, and they had just seen me at my worst. I liked Gill and Figra, but I don¡¯t think we were quite at the point where that was appropriate. I was not in the mood to stay and talk, so I sprung to my feet and began to leave. Where? I had no idea. I just wanted to be away from that very awkward social interaction. ¡°Rico!¡± Staggy was coming towards me. I sped up. I didn¡¯t want to talk to him. Not when I was such a mess. ¡°Rico. Stop.¡± He was using his stupid, commanding voice. It was the same one he had used when he told me to let go of Calla. It made me stop. The memories that tone brought made me stop. I began to cry again. Staggy came towards me. I fell into his arms. I wrapped my arms around him. I cried. I cried into his shoulder. He hugged me back. I could hear his tears. Feel them on my shirt. I pushed myself closer to him. He was warm. I felt safe in his arms. His arms. It was the same way I had felt in Calla¡¯s arms. Safe. Warm. Happy. It had been such a long time since I had felt the same way as I had in Calla¡¯s arms. That made me feel guilty. I felt like I was replacing him. That guilt made me push Staggy away. He stumbled back from me. That made me feel guilty. Staggy stood there, looking at me. His mouth was slightly open, and tears still fell from his eyes. His blond hair was tied back in its normal bun, but its usual neatness was gone, replaced by a mess of hair in what could maybe be described as a bun. I couldn¡¯t look at him anymore, so I turned and left. That made me feel guilty. He didn¡¯t deserve to be pushed away, either physically or emotionally. Even though he didn¡¯t deserve how I was treating him, I felt too much guilt. I felt like I was disrespecting Calla¡¯s memory. Being happy was wrong when he could not share it with me. It was stupid, and I knew it was stupid, but I didn¡¯t want to be happy when Calla would never be able to feel an emotion again. I needed to be alone, but morning announcements would be happening soon, and I didn¡¯t want to get beaten for missing them. When you get beaten, they are sure not to injure you too badly, so you can keep fighting, but they still hurt you pretty badly. The morning was cold. Frost was beginning to form on the grass each night. The wind blew harder, and the trees began to shed their leaves. I found a place at the edge of the forest where I could sit and be alone for a while. I leant against a tree and cried. That seemed to be my favourite pastime now. The tree bark was scratchy and uncomfortable. The air was too cold. My clothes too itchy. Nothing felt right. Nothing had felt right since Calla had died. I didn¡¯t think anything would ever feel right again. Unauthorized use of content: if you find this story on Amazon, report the violation. I was consumed by my thoughts and my tears. My grief whirled around my mind, making sensible thoughts impossible. I hit my head against the tree trunk in an attempt to remove the grief from my mind. My nose hurt, and now my head hurt. I would have stayed there all day, hitting my head against a tree, but the bell rang, calling us to the green. I pushed myself onto weak legs. I had a pounding headache, and my nose still stung. I was embarrassed that I had broken down. I needed a hug that didn¡¯t leave me feeling guilty. A hug that made me feel better, not worse. I needed Calla. * * * When I got to the central green, most of the camp was already assembled. I would have gone to find Pill or Staggy normally, but I didn¡¯t think I was ready for that. They would probably want to talk to me, and I didn¡¯t want to talk. Also, finding them in the crowd would have been a nightmare. ¡°Good morning, all of you. I have nothing to report, so find your lieutenants to get your jobs for the day. Thank you,¡± our commander stepped off the podium. There was a grumble through the crowd. He hadn¡¯t given us any information on anything for days. He wouldn¡¯t give us information on what was happening anywhere in the kingdom. We needed answers, and he wasn¡¯t giving them. I found lieutenant Da-Biwana. He was looking very disgruntled as people in my platoon bombarded him with the questions our commander refused to answer. He was running his fingers through his short black hair. ¡°I haven¡¯t been told anymore than you have. If I get answers, I will share them with you,¡± he had to shout to get his voice heard. ¡°Now please line up, and I will give you your jobs for today.¡± I fell into line. Pill was a few people in front of me. I really hoped he hadn¡¯t seen me. I was not in a talking mood. I got to the front of the line, and Da-Biwana looked me up and down, ¡°what happened to your nose?¡± ¡°I accidentally hit myself with a stick.¡± ¡°I think what I meant to ask was who punched you.¡± ¡°No one punched me. I was just very stupid and hit myself with a stick.¡± I¡¯m not entirely sure why I didn¡¯t just tell Da-Biwana the truth. I think I was just embarrassed that I had gotten punched. ¡°You are a lost cause. You¡¯re mending clothes today. There is a box of clothes behind me. The sewing kit is in the box.¡± Ever since they learned I could sew, I had only been doing sewing jobs. I was now a master at mending socks. ¡°Thank you, Da-Biwana,¡± I gave a small bow. I got the box of clothes for mending. I found a place in the sun. I sat down and pulled out the first thing for mending. The shirt had a ripped seam. Those were the easiest ones to fix. A mending job got significantly more difficult when it wasn¡¯t on a seam. The simple task of sewing relaxed my brain. It was nice to have something to do that I was good at. The sun gently warmed my skin, and the wind tickled my skin. The grass was soft and comfortable. There was a gentle background noise of voices and birds. I was so at peace with the world. I hadn¡¯t felt that happy and comfortable in such a long time. I hadn¡¯t even realised how much time had passed until I reached my hand into the box and found nothing in it. It popped my little bubble and brought me back to reality. The shadows around me were now long, and I suddenly felt cold. The sun was already begging to disappear behind the tall Ramla mountains. My stomach grumbled at me grumpily. I had skipped lunch, and my body was having none of it. I pushed myself to my feet. I reached my arms up to the sky for a stretch. I then made my way towards the dining pavilion, where dinner was already being served. Once I had gotten my food (rice, lettuce, and a mystery meat), I found Pill, Figra, Gill, and Staggy sitting in our normal spot. I found a spot between Pill and Figra. Without looking up, I said, ¡°I¡¯m sorry for how I treated you this morning. I was not in a good emotional or physical state, and I took it out on you guys. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Pill began to say something, but Staggy cut him off. ¡°Thank you for your apology. I am glad you are feeling better.¡± I felt Pill''s arm slip around my shoulder. ¡°Tam su feem amee. Ga tata mateena ofala,¡± you are all good. I was never angry. The rest of dinner was fun. We mostly just complained about how incompetent our fucking commander was. I waved to Staggy, Gill, and Figra, ¡°Good night. See you in the morning.¡± Me and Pill then made our way back to the tent. The night was cold, and the wind was strong. There was a smell of coming rain hanging in the air. It may have been cold, but I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I loved my friends so much. More than words can describe. I fell asleep easily that night. The sound of the wind in the trees and the gentle pattering of rain on the tent lulled me to sleep. One dream visited me that night. I was back home. Me and Calla were lying in bed. His arms were wrapped around my body. My head rested on his shoulder. Our heartbeats were in sync. Or breathing the same. I was warm, happy, and safe. * * * I was startled awake. I sat bolt upright. The bell was ringing, but it wasn¡¯t the normal rhythmic sound of the morning bell. This was constant ringing. The emergency bell. The Tiffer were invading the camp. 13. I don鈥檛 want to be a murder Chapter 13 I don¡¯t want to be a murder I scrambled out of bed as quickly as I could. I pulled my armour on. Adrenaline was running through my body making the buckles almost impossible to do. I had to keep reminding myself to breath normally. I grabbed my shield strapping it to my arm. I got my sword free from its sheath. I didn¡¯t even bother attaching the sheath to my side. There would be no need for it. I rushed out of the tent. The camp was a flurry of movement. People ran around everywhere. People were yelling. Lieutenants trying to get some form of formation into our ranks. The loud emergency bell was still ringing. Spat¨¨t?e were circling above aiming arrows at the enemy I couldn¡¯t see. I couldn¡¯t tell where the Tiffer were coming from. The spat¨¨t?e were yelling something at us but their words were impossible to hear. I could finally stop worrying about where the Tiffers were when they poured out of the forest. I could then start worrying about dying. Yay! I hated fighting but my instincts kicked in and I charged towards the enemy. Adrenaline raced through my body. My conscious brain seemed to have turned off. I stabbed at a Tiffer. They blocked my strike easily. The moment our swords meet my training came rushing back to me. I turned my body to the side, presenting a smaller target. I bent my legs to enable easy movement. Our blades were crossed. Mine was on the inside. Good. He made the first move. He aimed for my shoulder. I easily moved my sword to block. I pushed his blade out of the way. I lunged. He stepped back. He wasn¡¯t fast enough. My point sliced through his arm. Not deep enough to kill but enough to slow him down. I pushed my wrist out to the right catching his blade on my guard. His eyes widened as he realised, I had won. I lunged forward. I drove my point into his left side. I stepped back pulling my sword from his body. He fell to the ground with a cry of agony. I watched him gasp on the ground with some amount of satisfaction. I moved onto my next opponent. I found my opponent quickly. The Tiffers were everywhere. I took up a fighting stance. I made the first move. I bashed their blade. They had a strong grip. The blade only moved a few millimetres. Shame. They made the next move. He took my blade around. Spinning my blade round and round. I disengaged quickly taking a step back. This time I was the slow one. His point sliced my arm. Pain erupted from where the point had connected me. I took another step back. He was stronger and faster than me. There was a high chance I lost this one. The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident. My stubbornness kicked in. I took a step towards him. I held my shield in front of my body. My sword poised and ready. This time I took his sword around. He didn¡¯t disengage immediately. He allowed me to take control of his sword. That worried me. He knew what he was doing. I took my chances and lunged. He attempted to block but for once I was faster. I pushed my point through his armour and into his gut. He looked down at my sword with some surprise. I pulled my sword free. He stayed standing. I had let my guard down. I didn¡¯t think he would stay upright. He slashed his sword in a long arc. It was a desperate last act. The point of his sword made a long cut across my face. The cut started at my forehead them down onto my cheek. I was more than lucky that it had missed my eye. After he cut me, the sword fell from his hand. He crumpled to the ground. A small trickle of blood fell into my eye. I ran my sleave across my face whipping away my blood. My arm still stung and now my face was on fire. I wanted to stop. I wanted to lay down and cry but if I did, I would die. I had no choice but to continue fighting. I yell came from above, ¡°get out of the way!¡± A Pegasus was flying above. The rider had an arrow notched and ready. I recognised the arrow immediately. It was an exploding arrow. I scrambled away from the advancing Tiffers. He fired the arrow down into the crowd of Tiffers. I covered my ears. The explosion echoed around the camp. I heard explosion after explosion. It seemed every spat¨¨t?e had an exploding arrow and was firing it at the Tiffer. The explosions stopped. A call of retreat was cried. The remaining Tiffers went running back into the forest. P?dantr?s fired arrows at the retreating figures. A few fell but most got away. Once the danger was gone the adrenaline rushed out of me. I sat down heavily. I tried to slow my breathing. In. Out. In. Out. My heart rate slowed. My hands stop shacking as badly. Once I had calmed down a bit more, I pushed myself to my feet. The camp was in shambles. I saw a boy lying on the ground blood pouring from a wound in his gut. I made my way towards him. When I crouched down next to him he grabbed the front of my shirt pulling me closer. ¡°I killed people. I¡¯m a monster. I killed so many people.¡± He whispered with sadness in his voice. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to be a murder. Will I become a star? Was I good enough to become a star?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I was crying now. His guilt was so real. So raw. I shared that guilt. Today I had enjoyed killing someone. I had relished in his pain. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± I said it through tears. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± He didn¡¯t say another word. The last thing he did was look at my tear stained face and cry. Life left his body. He lay motionless in a pool of his own blood. It was so much like how Calla had died. Calla. I missed him more than any amount of words can ever describe. I stood up. I needed Pill. I needed a hug from my best friend. Best friend. Pill. I needed my best friend Pill. I began to look for him. I walked past so many injured people. Medics leaning over them trying to stop their bleeding. There were cries of pain from all angles. The camp was in shambles. Some tents were fully collapsed some only half was collapsed. I spotted Staggy. I increased my pace. When he spotted me, he called out, ¡°Thank the stars you are all right!¡± He was crying. Even from my distance I could see he was shaking. ¡°Please tell me you know where Pill is!¡± I needed to know he was all right as well. ¡°Rico, I¡¯m so sorry¡­¡± He pulled me into a hug. He was crying. Before he even finished his sentence, I knew what had happened. Pill was dead. 14. Thank the stars Chapter 14 Thank the stars With shaky words Staggy finished his sentence. ¡°¡­I should be helping. I¡¯m a medic and I¡¯m not healing, but Figra is... dead.¡± He whispered the last word so quietly that I could barely hear him. I hadn¡¯t quite registered what Staggy had said. My mind just kept going, racing ahead. ¡°What about Pill? Is he all right?¡± I realised, as soon as I said it, how senseless I was being. Staggy had just lost a friend, and instead of comforting him, I was being a selfish dick. ¡°Pill is injured but alive.¡± He said it with anger and annoyance in every word. ¡°He will be fine thanks to Figra. Ask him what happened.¡± Staggy turned away from me. He was crying. I was crying as well. I can¡¯t remember when I started crying i just did. I didn¡¯t know what to say, so I said nothing. When I didn¡¯t say anything, he walked away. I felt numb and guilty. I would go talk to Pill. I needed to see him. Know he was alive. See him alive. Staggy was pissed with me, but in that moment, there was nothing I could do. I was in a bad mood, and he was in a bad mood. If we tried to talk it out now, things would only get worse. I entered the medical tent. I hadn¡¯t quite prepared myself for what I was about to walk in on. The scene in the tent was terrible. It was worse than the battle. Not only was every proper bed occupied, but there were also people laying on the ground with just a blanket to protect them from the floor. There were groans and screams coming from many of the patients. There were medics and friends sitting next to people. Healing and consoling them. It was a horrible sight to see. But I couldn¡¯t help but stand and watch. There was a commotion from one of the beds. The medic at the person''s bedside called out for assistance. No one answered the call. All the medics were busy with other patients. The medic called out again. I couldn¡¯t let this go on. I rushed to the side of the medic. A young boy was lying on the bed, writhing in pain. He had a bad wound in his abdomen. It was oozing blood slowly. The medic noticed me and looked at me quizzically. He looked confused so I asked, ¡°can I assist in anyway?¡± He looked me up and down, then said, ¡°Yes. He is delirious and isn¡¯t understanding a word I¡¯m saying. I need you to hold him down so I can stitch up his wound. He wouldn¡¯t stay still, and I don¡¯t want to put him under. It could slow his heart too much. It could kill him. Help is too thin to take that risk.¡± I nodded then moved to the head of the bed and placed my hands on his shoulders, pinning the young boy down. He struggled against me, but I was stronger than him. The medic placed his knee on his legs holding them down. The medic worked quickly and masterfully. He was done in only a few minutes. When he finished, he sat back on his heels and let out a long sigh. He looked completely exhausted. I released the boy. The energy seemed to have seeped out of him. His eyes were closed, and his breathing heavy. It would have been helpful if he had fallen asleep before, but better late than never. The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation. ¡°Thank you for your assistance. If you ever need any help please call for me. My name is Me-Ha-Laness.¡± Me-Ha-Laness gave me a small bow. ¡°I was glad to help Me-Ha-Laness. I am Fi-Rico.¡± ¡°Would you like me to take a look at that cut on your face?¡± ¡°I can deal with that later. Do you think you could help me locate a friend of mine? His name is Sa-Pillum.¡± ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I have treated so many people today and I must admit, I have begun to forget names. Just look around for him. I hope you find him. Thank you again for your help.¡± And with that, he left heading towards another patient. I began my search for Pill. I located him at the back of the tent. He was lucky enough to have gotten a proper bed. I hurried to his side. His eyes were closed, and every breath seemed to be hurting him, but he was alive. I didn¡¯t want to wake him, so I quietly sat down on the ground next to his bed. I hugged my knees to my chest, resting my head on them. I thought he was asleep, but the moment I sat down, he opened his eyes and groaned, ¡°Is that you, Rico?¡± ¡°Yes Pill. Thank the stars you¡¯re alive. What happened?¡± ¡°Later. It hurts,¡± he waved his hand dismissively and closed his eyes. ¡°You¡¯re here, so now I can sleep.¡± I didn¡¯t quite understand his reasoning, but I could tell he was in enough pain that he wasn¡¯t thinking right. I just sat on the ground, patiently waiting for him to wake up. I silently cried the whole time. That day had been too much for my fragile metal state. I sat there for hours. I have no idea how long, but it got fully dark outside before Pill even began to stir. There was movement next to me. I looked over to see Pill struggling to sit up. I quickly helped to sit him up. I moved the pillow around a bit to support him, but one pillow can¡¯t do much. He was pail, and his hair was a mess. His long brown hair matted in many places. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± ¡°Like I have been run over multiple times by a cart full of bricks.¡± I let out a small laugh at that. Even in his pain, Pill still found a way to crack a joke. A sudden darkness passed across his face, as though he had just remembered something. ¡°Rico, Figra is dead.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay. I know.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not okay! He died to save my sorry ass!¡± ¡°Pill, be quiet. You¡¯ll wake people up. This is not the time or place to talk about this. No one blames you for what happened.¡± ¡°Staggy does.¡± He said it quietly, but I was close enough to hear. ¡°Forget Staggy. For now, it¡¯s just you and me, and right now you need to sleep. I can get a medic to give you something for sleep if you want.¡± ¡°I just slept.¡± But even as he said it, his eyes were dropping, and he yawned. ¡°Yes, but now it¡¯s night and you''re injured.¡± ¡°Fine, I¡¯ll sleep.¡± And sleep he did. I must have drifted off at some point because, when I opened my eyes, it was light outside. Pill was still sleeping peacefully. I was stiff from sleeping on the ground, so I got up to stretch out a bit. I left the medical tent. I needed some fresh air. Pill was still sleeping and didn¡¯t look like he would wake up for a little while. The air outside was fresh and cold. The wind gently whipped my face. I took deep breath after deep breath, just filling my lungs with the amazing morning air. While I was standing outside, the truth of Figras death hit me like a hurricane. A pile of bricks seemed to rest on my shoulders. The weight of the grief was enough to make my knees buckle. I hadn¡¯t really known Figra, but he was always so nice to me. Yesterday, I had been so senseless to Staggy. He would have been distraught. I sometimes needed to remind myself that I was not the centre of the universe, and other people felt emotions the same way as me. Staggy needed someone to hug. Tell him that he¡¯s okay. Someone who was there for him. In that moment, I resolved to be there for him. To be the shoulder for him to cry on. Staggy had been nothing but kind to me, and now it was my turn to stop being a selfish dick and be there for my new friend. Friend. 15. Breaking camp Chapter 15 Breaking camp I went to go find Staggy. I wanted to check that he was okay. He had done the same for me. When I was in need, he had checked in on me. That was the first time I had truly appreciated what he had done for me. He had been more than just kind to me. He had been loving. Loving? Was that the right word? Yes. Loving. Staggy had been loving. Interesting. Correct, but interesting. I really wanted to go find Staggy, but the bell rang out across the camp. It was calling all of us who could walk to the green. I had no choice but to obey, even though I wanted to find Staggy, so I made my way to the green. I didn¡¯t want to hear what the fucking commander had to say. He was a useless fucking dick. He had no brain and no compassion. He was probably about to tell us that the reason the Tiffer found our camp was because we stunk. He would tell us to take a bath, and all would be well. It definitely was not because they had multiple days where their undivided attention was on trying to find our camp. Definitely not that. Stars, I was sick of the commander¡¯s shit. I made it the central green. The mood of the gathered men was subdued and melancholy. None of the normal chatter emanated through the crowd. We had all come to the silent agreement that that battle had been worse than the others. It was terrifying that they had managed to find the one place we were meant to be safe. They hit us at our weakest. They were ruthless. This was just another reminder of how much stronger the Tiffers were than us. The only reason any of us survived that battle was because we had the power of numbers. It was interesting that we had more people. Our intel had told us that the Tiffer army in just our area was about double our size. They had more supplies and people, yet they had sent in a surprising small group to our camp. They hadn¡¯t even fought their hardest. They had retreated far too easily and quickly. The Tiffers weren¡¯t normally so easily scarred away. The more I thought about it, the odder that battle seemed. That was when it hit me. A hand. While the hand hit me, so did a thought. The Tiffer hadn¡¯t really aimed to do that much harm. They were more likely just seeing what our defences were. We had just let them in on a secret. The secret was that we had the flimsiest defences. We had just told them that we were weak as shit. Fuck. This war was only getting worse and worse. After the thought (and hand) had stopped hitting me, I looked around to see who had hit me. It didn¡¯t take me long to find a very angry-looking Da-Biwana staring straight at me. ¡°Pay attention, Fi-Rico, or I¡¯ll have to hit you even harder.¡± ¡°Sorry sir.¡± I gave him a bow. Once he was done telling me off, I turned my attention to how hard he had slapped me. Da-Biwana had hit the same cheek as my scabbed over cut was. I bet he did it on purpose. He was teaching me a lesson. A lesson that I would be ignoring. The commander¡¯s speakers were dull as fuck. My own thoughts and worlds were much more interesting. Even though my own thoughts were much more interesting, I decided to listen to the commander. It was probably helpful to know what was going on. Also, I didn¡¯t want to be slapped again. It hurt. The commander had already started, but he had only gotten through the formalities. ¡°The events of yesterday morning were...regrettable. To prevent the occurrence of something like that again, we are moving camp further back from the border and deeper into the Ramla Mountain range.¡± That made sense. ¡°I want the whole camp packed up and set back up by this evening.¡± The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation. This evening! We could break camp in that time with ease, but to have to set it up? We needed more time. Especially when we have so many injured. We were told to find our lieutenants to get further information and our jobs for the day. I was told to help the medics. No other instructions from Da-Biwana; he just told me to ask them what they needed help with. I was happy with that. Staggy would be there. I still needed to talk to him. Pushing back the flap of canvas, I entered the medic¡¯s tent. Medics were hurrying everywhere. Vials were being loaded into crates. Patients who couldn¡¯t walk were being loaded onto stretchers so the beds could be packed up. Any patient who could walk was being helped out of the tent by medics or other soldiers. I stopped a medic who was hurrying past and asked what I should be doing. He waved in the general direction of the back of the tent and said to find Me-Wo-Leapum. Very helpful. He then hurried off without another word. That was my cue to go wander around aimlessly searching for Me-Wo-Leapum. He turned out to be easier to find. He was the one who was yelling at everyone to do shit (he also had a nametag). I waited for him to stop yelling before saying anything. ¡°I was told to talk to you for instructions.¡± I bowed to him. ¡°Just help load things into the carts. If someone passes you something or a crate looks full, then put it in one of the carts outside. Got that? Good.¡± He spoke with a strong eastern Ossory accent and with a tone that said clearly that I was wasting his time. Immediately after I turned away from Me-Wo-Leapum, he began shouting again. I found a pile of crates that looked full. I picked one up. Fuck! It was really heavy. I looked into the crate to see what was making it so heavy. It was just full of porcelain bedpans. Gross. I carried so many crates. My arms ached by the time they were all cleared. I don¡¯t understand how the medics have so much stuff. They seemed to have three sets of bedding for every single bed. Once I was done with the crates, it was people. There were a lot of patients who couldn¡¯t walk. They had all been loaded onto stretchers. Me and a p?dantr?s, who I never got the name of, carried stretcher after stretcher to the waiting arts. By the time the medic¡¯s tent was fully collapsed and loaded onto one of the many carts, the rest of the camp was fully packed up. The moment all the pegasi were hooked up to the carts, we moved off. I had no idea where we were going. I hoped it was as nice as where the last camp had been. It had an amazing view of the stars. * * * Even though I had spent hours in the medic¡¯s tent, I somehow hadn¡¯t managed to see Staggy once. I would find him after we got to the campground and set it up. It was already past midday, and we weren¡¯t even at the new campground. I was off in my own world when the very jarring action of someone hugging me so tight that I couldn¡¯t breathe. Before this person hugged the life out of me, I managed to stammer out a few words. ¡°Can¡¯t breathe.¡± The person instantly let go of me. ¡°Sorry, Rico. I was just relieved to see you.¡± It was Staggy. Of course, it was Staggy. I didn¡¯t have many friends, and of the two close friends I had, only one of them could walk. ¡°Why, I was so rude to you.¡± I was truly shocked. Staggy was kind and forgiving, but he couldn¡¯t be that nice. ¡°It¡¯s fine. You were just worried. Also, I¡¯m being nice to you for my own sake. I¡¯m sad, and you owe me one, so you''re forced to listen to me talk.¡± I laughed at that. ¡°I would love to listen to you.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know what to talk about, so I¡¯m going to tell you a story about when I broke my arm. I just need to get out of my own head.¡± I knew exactly what he meant. He was in pain and needed to stop the thoughts. He began his story. I was honestly impressed at how long he made such a simple story go for. All that had happened was that he climbed a tree and fell, but he somehow managed to make the story last fifteen minutes. Fifteen fucking minutes! He finally finished his story. ¡°But the worst part was that all the nobles just stared at me while I lay on the ground with my arm bent at the wrong angle.¡± I wasn¡¯t really paying attention, but at the mention of nobles, something in my mind snapped, and I felt the sudden urge to rant about nobles. I couldn¡¯t suppress the urge, so I began. ¡°I fucking hate nobles! All they do is sit in their huge places and sip their fancy tea from their fancy cups. They complain about the warrations that barely even affect them. The poor nobles had to cut their five course meals down to three courses. How hard their lives must be. My least favourite part about nobles is that their sons don¡¯t even have to fight in this stupid fucking war. While I¡¯m here at sixteen fighting a war that is likely to kill me, I¡¯m fighting a war that has already taken so much from me.¡± At that point, I started crying. ¡°Those nobles have no idea what it¡¯s like to be on the battlefield. To watch someone¡¯s life slip from their eyes. They have no idea what we have to go through, yet they are still allowed to make the decision to lower the draft age and lengthen the required service time. Why the fuck are those pampered asses making decisions for us? Nobles fucking suck. I hate them more than I can put into words.¡± I finished my rant and looked at Staggy. He looked shocked and confused. A smile slipped onto his face, and he started laughing. ¡°Hate to tell you this, but in that rant, you just insulted me, my family, and a lot of my friends. I¡¯m impressed.¡± Fuck. Of course, he was a noble. 16. I hate dreams Chapter 16 I hate dreams ¡°What! You can¡¯t be a noble! You¡¯re nice,¡± I practically shouted at him. He took on a more defensive tone. ¡°Nobles can be nice. I admit some Nobles are dicks, but not all of us. I¡¯m honestly surprised you didn¡¯t recognise me as a noble. My family¡¯s name is pretty well known.¡± ¡°You may not be a dick, but you are a bit thick,¡± I laughed slightly. ¡°I really don¡¯t care enough about nobles to memorise their names. Also, if you are a noble, what are you doing out here? Shouldn¡¯t you be in your manor being waited on hand and foot?¡± ¡°My mother hated the idea of me even going to medical school. My father was all for it until I graduated and told them I wanted to be a field medic. My father wanted me to work in his office, but I wasn¡¯t going to sit back and watch the war for the sanctuary of the Sun City.¡± He fiddled with his dark grey skirt as he spoke. ¡°I ended up enlisting even though both my parents were against it. I have sent them letters, but I think they are still angry. The day I left, they didn¡¯t even talk to me. You know, you are right, nobles are dicks. I¡¯m so glad I didn¡¯t stay in the Sun City.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Staggy. That¡¯s such a bitchy thing your parents did. Completely off topic, but what¡¯s your full noble name?¡± Staggy chuckled slightly. ¡°It¡¯s Me-Li-Stagtum-Sal of Flangroda Hall.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the ¡®Sal¡¯ at the end? I have never heard it in any name, ever.¡± ¡°It shows my rank and status in my family. Sal is for unmarried first-born sons; it¡¯s Wal for an unmarried first-born daughter. My father has Sif at the end of his name, and my mother has Wif. That shows the head of the house and that they are married.¡± ¡°You nobles are insane. Why do people need to know when you were born and your marriage status?¡± ¡°When I go to a ball and I¡¯m announced, then parents there know that I am an eligible bachelor for their daughter or son. Not that they don¡¯t already know who I am. Every noble knows every noble. I could list every noble family name in the Sun City.¡± I could barely get the words out because I was laughing so hard. ¡°You¡¯ve been announced at balls?¡± I couldn¡¯t imagine Staggy descending stairs into a ballroom while they announced his presence. I had never seen him out of his medic¡¯s uniform, so trying to imagine him in nobles¡¯ finery was impossible. Even in Pallmin, the medic uniform would have been simple dressing. They wore a simple black shirt, a blue ascot, and a knee-length grey skirt. It was simple and boring. Staggy started laughing along with me. ¡°It was weird at first for me as well, but you get used to it. You kind of have to. I¡¯m a pretty good suitor, being a first-born son and heir to a large estate. The first ball I attended after my sixteenth birthday, I seemed to dance with every boy and girl my age. My parents were overjoyed, me not so much.¡± ¡°This is why I don¡¯t want to be a noble. I want to be able to choose who I marry, not have someone choose for me.¡± ¡°That¡¯s part of the reason I wanted to become a field medic. I wanted to get away from my noble life. I wanted to make friends, not have my parents make them for me.¡± Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions. ¡°I¡¯m glad you went against your parents wishes. If you hadn¡¯t, I wouldn¡¯t have met you. You mean a lot to me, Staggy.¡± * * * We set up the camp, but not before it got fully dark. The winter solstice was coming up. The time of the dead was coming to an end. That night I felt a huge part of me was missing. I was missing Calla. He was gone. There was nothing I could do. Despite the cold, I lay on the ground, staring at the stars. I cried silently. My tears gently rolling down my face. I felt a sudden warmth next to me. Someone¡¯s body settling next to mine. ¡°Calla? Is that you?¡± I turned to face the person who had just laid down next to me. ¡°I¡¯m not Calla. Sorry Rico.¡± Staggy had come and laid next to me. ¡°Oh. Hey Staggy. Do you need anything?¡± I couldn''t keep the disappointment out of my voice. ¡°They did the burnings before we left the old camp. I need to fill out Figras card, but my hands won¡¯t stop shaking. Could you just write down what I tell you?¡± ¡°Of course.¡± I wanted to be left alone, but Staggy needed help, and I wasn¡¯t about to turn him down. Under Staggy¡¯s instructions, I filled in Figra''s death certificate. Ossorian P?dantr?s death certificate Full name: Di-Figra Date of birth and death: Turtani 6, 93 - Leechi 14, 110 Place of birth: Gramtia Parents place of residence: Sun City Father: Di-Yamula Mother: Di~Naminta ¡°Thank you, Rico.¡± He was crying. I think I may have been crying as well. ¡°I¡¯m going to bed now. Good night, Rico.¡± He said it while he stood up. ¡°Good night, Staggy.¡± I lay back down on the grass. I stayed there for a bit longer, but in the end the cold got to me, and I headed to my tent to get some sleep. * * * I had a dream that night. I was lying in bed with Calla. I had wrapped my arms around his warm, alive body. I could feel the rising and falling of his chest with each of his breaths. In the dream, my eyes were closed, but I could tell I was lying in my bed at home. The sheets and pillow were just right. When I opened my eyes, it was Calla lying next to me, but his body was broken and bloody. I held him in my arms. My whole room was red with his blood. The only thing in the room that wasn¡¯t blood red was his eyes. His eyes. Blue in a sea of red. I woke up. I sat blot up right in my bed. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn¡¯t sleep for the rest of the night. I stayed up sweating and shaking till the bell rang out across the camp. Getting ready was a blur. I wasn¡¯t really paying attention to anything. I had a pounding headache that made it hard to think straight. I was still shaking. I didn¡¯t really want to eat anything. Just the thought of eating made me want to throw up, but I got a plate and put a tiny amount of wh¨¨int?mba onto it. Staggy looked at the tiny portion I had served myself but didn¡¯t say anything. I sat down with Staggy and Gill. They started talking about something, but I couldn¡¯t be bothered to listen. I just sat there for about five minutes, moving the slop on my plate around with my fork. Staggy then invaded my mind by poking me and calling out my name. ¡°Rico! Are you even listening to me?¡± ¡°Huh? What do you want?¡± I was slightly dazed, and my headache was only made worse by his yelling. ¡°Are you all right? You¡¯ve been zoned out for about five minutes. Also, you¡¯re not eating. I know you don¡¯t like wh¨¨int?mba but you normally eat something.¡± I gave him a strained smile and said, ¡°I¡¯m really all right. I just sleep badly.¡± I narrowed his eyes, but his words were said in a caring way. ¡°Just eat something. You¡¯ll feel better.¡± I nodded and shovelled a tiny amount of slop into my mouth. I forced myself to swallow. I did that four more times but felt so sick that I had to stop. I felt like throwing up. I clutched my stomach to try to stop myself from puking. To distract myself from the ever-growing urge to throw up, I listened in on Staggy¡¯s complaining. ¡°The medics are stretched so thin right now from the last battle, and now Sting is spreading across the camp. We got ten people coming to us coughing and throwing up this morning. We had to set up the second tent to keep them quarantined from the rest of the patients. The worst part is we can¡¯t even do that much for them out here but hold a handkerchief to their mouth as they cough up their insides. We can give them medication and watch them, but in the end, that¡¯s all we can do.¡± It was at that moment that I stopped being able to keep the food down. I was kind enough to turn away from Staggy and Gill before I threw up into a nearby bush. 17. Was-Am~Daminch Chapter 17 Was-Am~Daminch Most afternoons, Qi-Calla and Fi-Rico had been studying together. At least that¡¯s what they told their parents. ¡°No! I refuse to believe that you have never read a book by Am~Daminch. Do you not read?¡± Fi-Rico shouted, brandishing a pillow. ¡°I¡¯m just not that big on reading. Don¡¯t jump down my throat about it.¡± Qi-Calla grabbed one of Fi-Rico¡¯s pillows, holding it in front of his body to act as a shield. ¡°Well, I¡¯m sure I can change that.¡± He swung his pillow at Qi-Calla. Qi-Calla fell back onto the bed, and Fi-Rico flung himself on top of him. Both were laughing hysterically. Qi-Calla managed to stop his laughing long enough to gasp out, ¡°How do you plan to change that?¡± Fi-Rico straddled Qi-Calla and sat down heavily on his stomach. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll just keep you here until you read a full book.¡± Qi-Calla was gasping for air. ¡°Get off me, and maybe I will read a book.¡± ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll get off you if you promise to read a book.¡± ¡°Fine! Fine, I¡¯ll read a book!¡± Fi-Rico clambered off Qi-Calla and lay down next to him. They lay next to each other just looking at each other until Qi-Calla leapt from the bed. ¡°So, what are you going to make me read?¡± This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere. Fi-Rico sat up looking slightly dishevelled, but he regained his composure and said, ¡°Well, obviously one of Am~Daminch¡¯s works. You¡¯ll like her. Her books are really fast-paced. Maybe I¡¯ll start you off with The Red Pyramid; that¡¯s one of my favourites.¡± ¡°Sounds cool.¡± They stared at each other again. Qi-Calla standing next to the bed and Fi-Rico sitting on the edge of his bed fiddling with the hem of his loose white shirt. Qi-Calla came and sat down on the bed next to Fi-Rico. ¡°What are you thinking about?¡± Fi-Rico said it, looking into Qi-Calla¡¯s eyes. Qi-Calla leaned in closer. He wrapped his arm around Fi-Rico¡¯s waist, pulling him closer. ¡°What are you two doing? You¡¯re being so noisy!¡± Fi~Calula had just burst into Fi-Rico¡¯s room. Fi-Rico and Qi-Callla flew off the bed so fast and haphazardly that Qi-Calla hit Fi-Rico in the face. Fi-Rico doubled over, holding his face. Fi-Rico was livid. He began to yell at his younger sister. ¡°Have you never heard of knocking! You are so annoying, Calula.¡± Fi~Calula replied with perfect calmness, ¡°If you don¡¯t want people to walk in on you, then don¡¯t be so loud, Ri Ri.¡± She said ¡®Ri Ri¡¯ with a smirk, knowing Fi-Rico would hate being called that in front of Qi-Calla. Qi-Calla stifled a laugh and muttered, ¡°Yeah, Ri Ri.¡± Fi-Rico hit Qi-Calla on the back of his head to shut him up. ¡°Calula, can you just get out of my room?¡± ¡°Maybe I will. Maybe I won¡¯t.¡± ¡°No, you will get out.¡± ¡°No. I don¡¯t think I will. Also, I didn¡¯t know you like boys.¡± She moved further into the room and sat down on his bed. She was looking quizzically at Qi-Calla. Her words made Fi-Rico and Qi-Calla blush. Fi-Rico stormed over and picked up his younger sister. He half carried, half dragged her out of the room. He deposited her in the corridor, then retreated into his room, slamming the door shut. His mother then yelled from downstairs, ¡°No slamming doors in this house.¡± ¡°Sorry mum!¡± He yelled back. Fi-Rico slumped back down onto the bed. ¡°Sorry about my sister. She is so annoying.¡± ¡°All good.¡± His face was flushed red, and he was looking distinctly uncomfortable. ¡°I think I¡¯ll head off now.¡± Fi-Rico got to his feet. "No, don¡¯t go. I¡¯ll be lonely without you.¡± He said it with a childish whiny voice. Qi-Calla laughed. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll live.¡± ¡°Before you leave, let me find that book for you. You can tell me how it¡¯s going at school tomorrow.¡± Fi-Rico pulled a small book bound in red and handed it to Qi-Calla. ¡°Thanks, Ri Ri.¡± Qi-Calla left the room. Fi-Rico called after him, ¡°Don¡¯t call me that!¡± 18. Tibtans Chapter 18 Tibtans Staggy rushed to my side, placing a hand on my back. ¡°Rico, are you all right?¡± Gasping for breath, I sat back on my heels. I ran a hand across my mouth, whipping away the worst of the vomit. ¡°I¡¯m fine. I just had Sting when I was younger. It really screwed with my digestive system. Sometimes when I¡¯m stressed or sleep deprived, I can¡¯t keep food down. But I¡¯m fine, really.¡± ¡°Come with me to the medic¡¯s tent so I can check you out. Make sure you¡¯re actually fine.¡± I sighed. I felt like shit, but it was just something that happened sometimes, so I knew I would be fine. ¡°I¡¯m really fine.¡± ¡°Can you at least let me look you over here? You don¡¯t have to go anywhere, but just let me check on you.¡± ¡°Staggy, I know you¡¯re just worried for me, but I¡¯m totally fine. As I told you, this happens sometimes. I slept badly, and I have a shit digestive system.¡± ¡°Please Rico. I am worried about you. If you have Sting, then catching it now will make it much less likely to get to later stages.¡± I started to get annoyed. I didn¡¯t want anyone fawning over me. ¡°Can you not listen, Staggy? I said I¡¯m fine. Now I¡¯m going to go visit Pill.¡± I could tell by his voice and the way he stood with his arms crossed that he was pissed with me. Well and truly pissed off. ¡°That¡¯s a bad idea considering there is a high chance you have Sting, but I know you won¡¯t listen to me because you¡¯re a stubborn little bitch. They will make you put on a facecloth, but the ones they will give you are itchy as fuck, so take one of mine. It¡¯ll be significantly nicer.¡± I was still annoyed, but I wasn¡¯t prepared to fully do away with manners (my mother had taught me well), so I thanked him and headed off to the medic¡¯s tent. I put the facecloth on before I even started to enter the tent. When I pushed away the flap and entered the tent, I was glad to see that many more of the beds were empty than yesterday. Not a single person was lying on the floor, which was a massive improvement. A medic came rushing up to me with a face cloth. He immediately hurried away when he realised I had one on already. He was way too busy to say anything to me. I was pretty sure he was the same medic I had helped just after the invasion. He had the same pocket watch chain dangling from his skirt pocket. When I got close enough to see the details of Pill¡¯s face, I was thrilled to see that he was much less pale than he had been yesterday, and his eyes had much more life to them. He was propped up by the one flimsy pillow, his thin blanket draped over his legs. He was shirtless, his bandages fully on display along with his abs. He beamed when he saw me. I waved to him, and this time he was able to wave back. ¡°How are you, Pill?¡± I went and crouched by his low bed. ¡°So much better. They say I¡¯m healing really well. No signs of infection, so yeah, I¡¯m great. You?¡± Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author''s consent. Report any sightings. I contemplated just telling him everything that was plaguing me. I knew he would listen to me, but I didn¡¯t want to burden him. He didn¡¯t need anything else to worry about, so I opted for a dull two-word response to the question, ¡°I fine.¡± He made a noise that clearly said he had no belief in what I was saying. Sometimes I hated how close I was to Pill. He knew too much. Pill looked me up and down and then said, ¡°You¡¯re pale and have the biggest bags I have ever seen under your eyes. What¡¯s wrong?¡± I put as much sarcasm as I could muster into my response. "Thanks, Pill; I love you too.¡± ¡°I know. Now tell me what¡¯s wrong.¡± There was no way that I would tell him any of the things that swelled around in my brain. Those were the kind of things I would keep to myself until I became a star. ¡°Nothing is wrong. I¡¯m not sleeping well. Considering our current situation, sleep is not something that comes easily.¡± ¡°Guess your right, but remember you can tell me things. I will listen. You are my best friend after all.¡± I smiled at that. He was too good to me. ¡°Thanks. I¡¯ll keep that in mind.¡± The bell calling us to the green rang out across the camp, cutting my time with Pill way too short. I had no choice but to obey the bell, no matter how much I wanted to ignore it. I said goodbye to Pill, giving him a small hug on my way out. I had to run to get to the green before the commander came to brief us. It was embarrassing how short of breath I was when I reached the central green. I had to heave to get air into my lungs. I knew I was unfit, but I didn¡¯t think I was that bad. * * * The camp still needed to be finished being set up, but instead of doing anything to prepare the camp or things for the next battle, I was set to mending more uniforms. It was moments like that when I hated my mother for teaching me how to mend clothing. I hated myself even more for telling anyone that I could sew. More men really needed to learn to sew so I could stop being stuck with mending the unending flow of ripped clothing. I found myself a spot in the sun and began the tedious task of mending every piece of uniform in the large basket. The first thing that I pulled out was a shirt where the collar was starting to fall off. ¡°How did someone even manage to do that?¡± I muttered under my breath. It was one of the easier fixes as it was a break on the seam. The next garment was not so simple of a fix. It was a pair of pants that¡¯s knee had been ripped open, almost certainly by a sword blade. For that one, I had to employ my embroidery skills and my patience. I fixed garment after garment of varying degrees of destroyed. There was one shirt that I mended that was so discoloured that it was now cream instead of white. The blue collar was so faded it was practically white. That shirt should have been thrown away long ago, but we were too short on¡­ everything that it was there to stay. When I finally finished the basket of clothes, I still had some time before dinner, so I decided to wash myself. I grabbed my towel and fresh spare uniform and headed to the lake. The lake was thankfully deserted. I had gotten pretty used to washing in front of people, but it still wasn¡¯t the most pleasant experience to have my whole body on display for the world to see. I wasn¡¯t the most good-looking man. I only stayed in the fridged water of the lake for as long as it took to wash the stale sweat off my body and give my hair a good scrub. I dried off and got dressed. While I was drying my hair, I noticed that my Tibtan had grown out enough to look stupid. ¡°Better fix that,¡± I muttered to myself. Gathering up my used clothes in a bundle, I made my way back to my tent. When I get to my bed, I just stuffed my clothes into my backpack, promising myself that I would deal with it later. From one of the many small pockets on the outside of my pack, I pulled a small tin my mother had prepared for me before I left. Inside it had everything I needed to redo my Tibtan. I unwrapped my hair from the old blue thread. It was stained brown and was kind of gross to look at compared to the new thread. My hair had grown out enough that it was acceptable to do more than one Tibtan. I grabbed a small chunk of hair from just in front of my left ear. I began to wrap the thread around the length of hair until the end. I used some wire to secure it at the bottom and top. I did the same thing on my right side. I then trimmed the longer bit of hair at the back of my head from where the old Tibtan had been. The ones I had just done were not nearly as neat as the ones my mother could do, but they were passable. I felt amazing after my afternoon freshen up¡ªbetter than I had in some time. I went to dinner in a good mood. 19. I see stars Chapter 19 I see stars I slept badly again. I could only grab sleep in half an hour bursts. I was constantly being woken by a coughing fit. I tried to muffle the sounds of my hacking by burying my head in my pillow, but it made drawing breath even harder. I had to try way to hard to get my sleep deprived body off the ground. My recently washed hair was a bird¡¯s nest on my head. The sound of birds in the morning had never bothered me until that day. I wanted to go out with a bow and shot every single one of the birds out of their trees. The bitter coldness of the air annoyed more than usual as well. Everything was just plain annoying. I had to force myself to peel off my warm night cloths. I had sweated a lot in the night, despite the cold, so they were kind of gross. My uniform felt itchier than the day before. It felt like wearing sandpaper not fabric. I knew from the get-go that that day was not going to be a good one. I felt like shit, and everything was pissing me off. I was in no mood to eat anything and especially not wh¨¨int?mba. That stupid slop could go rot in a hole. I knew that if I went anywhere near Staggy he would force feed me, so I found a spot at the edge of the forest and sunk to the ground with my back to a tree. The short walk had left me out of breath, so I spent a few minutes just gulping in some well needed air. It was way too cold to be sitting still in the shade, but I didn¡¯t want to get up, so I just curled into a ball at the base of the tree trying to get some warmth back into my body. I started crying at some point in my time curled in a ball. I¡¯m not sure what caused it. I was always so close to tears those days. I so badly wanted to cuddle up to Calla the way we used to in my bed during winter. He seemed to have endless amounts of heat that he was always willing to share with me. All I wanted in that moment was to join him. I wanted to join him in the stars. But all I could do was look at him. I could only ever see him in the stars. I fell asleep curled under that tree. Some part of me wished that I wouldn¡¯t wake up. * * * A loud bell startled me out of sleep. The bell was insistent, annoying. It seemed to echo around my head causing a piercing headache to form. The light felt like someone was driving needles into my eyes. I struggled to push myself to a sitting position. I was disoriented and confused. The bell that had woken me from my slumber had stopped but the headache continued. It took a few seconds for my brain to catch up to my surroundings but when it did, I finally recognised the bell as the one to call me to the central green. Took me a hot second but got there in the end. I pushed myself to my feet, but nearly fell back onto the ground. The tree I had been sleeping under was my saviour. I steadied myself against it then began to make my way towards the green. I stumbled on nothing multiple times making it look like I was drunk. I joined the large crowd on the green. I was gasping for breath, bracing myself on my knees. I tried to hold it back, but I started coughing uncontrollably. These coughs were not like the ones that I had experienced throughout the night. They hurt. They constricted my chest. They felt the same as the ones I had experienced when I was seven. If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation. I tried to draw in air, but my lungs refused to accept it. I just keep hacking. I fell onto all fours. No air was entering my body. I started to feel lightheaded. Blood started to stain the grass beneath me. My whole body felt tingly and separate from my head. My arms stopped being able to support my weight. I fell onto my side. I curled into a ball. Clutching my chest trying to dull the pain in my lungs. The edges of my vision began to fade. I hadn¡¯t properly breathed in for too long. I let out one last painful hack then the world went black. Maybe I was about to be able to see Calla again. That was a nice thought. * * * I was floating above the world. I felt relaxed and free. There was darkness all around me, but it was all right because I let off a soft light. I was warm and comfortable, it surrounded me and kept me safe. Everything around me was quiet and calm. I found out I could move. I began to look around in the darkness. I wanted to know if I was alone. In the distance I saw another small light. It had the same warm and calm qualities as my own little bubble of light. I moved myself closer to it. There was a figure in the centre of the little ball of light. It was Minra. I was glad to see he was smiling, last time I saw him he was crying. I didn¡¯t like it when people cried. ¡°Hello Minra.¡± My voice sounded the same as usual but something about it was slightly off. Odd. ¡°Hello Rico. How are you?¡± He was smiling but there was a touch of melancholy in his voice. ¡°I¡¯ve been better.¡± He tilted his head to one side. ¡°Why is that?¡± ¡°I miss Calla.¡± ¡°That makes sense. You should be able to find him that way.¡± Minra gestured vaguely with his right hand. ¡°Thank you Minra.¡± He then faded into the darkness around us. It was nice to see him again, but it left my warm calm light slightly dimmer then before. Odd. I headed in the direction that Minra had pointed in. In the distance I saw another light. Maybe it was Calla. I came up to the light, but the person encased in it was not Calla. It was the boy I had watched die at the end of the battle at the old camp. ¡°Hello.¡± I moved closer to him and waved. ¡°Hello. You¡¯re the one who was there when I died.¡± ¡°Yes. Can you tell me your name?¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t matter now.¡± Sadness was etched in every word. ¡°Why are you sad?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t ready to die.¡± ¡°That makes sense.¡± ¡°I miss living. Can you live for me?¡± He looked at me pleadingly. ¡°I can try. I promise I will try. I was wondering if you knew where I could find Calla?¡± He gestured to the darkness behind him. He then faded away. My encounter with him left my light dimmer still. It was slightly less warm and comforting now. The darkness seemed closer than before. Odd. I headed in the direction the boy had pointed. I saw a light on the distance. I sped up. I really wanted to see Calla, but when I came up to the light it was Figra. ¡°Hello Figra.¡± I didn¡¯t mean to, but my voice had a hint of disappointment in it. ¡°Rico, how is Staggy?¡± He said it with desperation in his words. ¡°He is struggling. He misses you.¡± ¡°Make sure you comfort him. I don¡¯t want to make him sad.¡± ¡°I will Figra. I promise I will.¡± ¡°I wish I had known you better.¡± That made me feel guilty. ¡°Me too. I wish you hadn¡¯t died.¡± ¡°Me too.¡± ¡°Do you know where Calla is. I miss him.¡± ¡°That makes sense. Calla is that way.¡± He gestured to his left. ¡°Thank you Figra.¡± He faded away as I whispered the words. My light bubble dimmed even more. I now started to truly feel the cold from the darkness around me. Odd. I moved further into the darkness in search of Calla. I saw a light in the distance. I moved closer to it. It was Calla. I had finally found Calla. ¡°Calla!¡± ¡°Rico!¡± I went to embrace him, but his light bubble stopped me from reaching him. Odd. He looked at me. Tears were running down his face. ¡°You can¡¯t touch me. I¡¯m dead you¡¯re not.¡± ¡°I wish I was dead.¡± ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re not. That would make me sad.¡± ¡°I am sad. You dying made me sad.¡± I tried to reach him again, but I couldn¡¯t. ¡°Don¡¯t let me make you sad. Please.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want you to be dead. That makes me sad.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be dead, but I am. We can¡¯t change that.¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Rico?¡± I nodded. ¡°Promise me something. Don¡¯t stay sad. Don¡¯t let me take away your smile.¡± I started crying. ¡°But it¡¯s easier to be sad. Moving on is hard. Staying still is easy.¡± ¡°I know, but you have to try. If you can¡¯t do it for you, do it for me. Now go live.¡± He began to fade into the darkness. He was smiling. The smile I missed so much. ¡°Ga adro tam.¡± I choked out through the tears. ¡°I know.¡± He faded into nothing. All my light disappeared. Odd. I began to fall. I felt like I was falling, but I wasn¡¯t really. Odd. 20. Sick Chapter 20 Sick From the moment I opened my eyes, I wanted to die. Every breath was laborious and painful. When I rejoined the world of the living, I was dazed and confused. It took me a while to figure out where I was. I pieced together the clues: I was on a bed that was low to the ground, blankets were draped over my legs, they were scratchy and provided little warmth (but that could have been due to my oversensitive skin and fever), it smelt like carbolic acid, and someone was pressing a very cold object to my bare chest. I was in the medic¡¯s tent. I looked down to see a medic with their stethoscope pressed against my chest. A red Tibtan was placed in front of their ear. Their hair was pulled back into a messy bun. A face cloth covered most of their face. When I moved, they said far too loud, ¡°Good, your awake. How are you feeling?¡± I lifted my heavy, weak arms to cover my ears and croaked, ¡°Too loud.¡± Even just those two short words left me gasping for breath. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Fi-Rico. I should have known you would be more sensitive to noise in your state,¡± they whispered. ¡®In your state¡¯, what did that mean? ¡°Who are you?¡± I breathed. ¡°I¡¯m Me-Te-Raltum. I¡¯m the expert in Sting at camp.¡± I nodded but I wish I hadn¡¯t. That small amount of head movement caused a coughing fit. Me-Te-Raltum very gently and carefully placed a hand on my back; they sat me up and held a handkerchief to my mouth. Sitting up made my chest ache slightly less once the coughing stopped, but it still made breathing even more painful. They laid me back down onto the bed with the same gentleness as they had sat me up. They were careful not to jostle me too much so as not to bring on more coughing. I couldn¡¯t quite see the handkerchief that Me-Te-Raltum had put over my mouth, but I saw enough to tell I had coughed up more blood. Me-Te-Raltum rested their hand on my forehead; a look of slight concern crossed their face. ¡°Get me some tea, Manuca.¡± They stopped a passing medic. Me-Te-Raltum must have been a senior medic considering the way they could boss people around in such a way. Having to look up at Me-Te-Raltum while having a conversation dove me insane, so I tried to push myself up into a sitting position. My weak, shacky arms couldn¡¯t manage it. I barely even lifted myself off the bed. Me-Te-Raltum noticed what I was trying to do and helped to prop me against the pillow. I would have liked to be sitting up a bit more, but at least I wasn¡¯t fully flat on my back. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± Me-Te-Raltum asked again. I fiddled with the scratchy blanket draped over my legs and part of my chest. ¡°Fine,¡± I said. I could have gone on a whole rant about everything that was causing me pain, both mental and physical, but speaking was too difficult, so I settled for a one-word response. Me-Te-Raltum nodded but still had a look of concern on their face. ¡°Please let me know if anything is bothering you. Have you had Sting before?¡± ¡°Yes. When I was seven.¡± I had to take a heaving breath in the middle of the sentence. This tale has been unlawfully lifted without the author''s consent. Report any appearances on Amazon. ¡°Hm,¡± Me-Te-Raltum muttered as they pulled a notebook from their pocket and quickly jotted something down. Just as Me-Te-Raltum was stowing their notebook away in the folds of their skirt, Manuca came back with the tea. Me-Te-Raltum took the cup from Manuca before he hurried off to deal with the plethora of other patients in the tent. Me-Te-Raltum handed me the small ceramic cup filled with tea that was steaming slightly. It smelt nice, but I couldn¡¯t quite put my finger on what type of tea it was. It was probably a mix of teas. War rations didn¡¯t leave much choice, so it was probably ginger and mint tea. Probably. I couldn¡¯t tell you what I was dinking. It could have been really nice smelling poison, for all I knew. The tea made my aching throat feel just a touch better. Me-Te-Raltum took the cup from me and pressed their hand to my forehead again. I asked if there was a shirt I could put on. I was feeling distinctly uncomfortable (and cold) at my chest being on display for the whole world to see. I really was not the most attractive person in the world, but Calla must have thought I was. Shit. I had let my brain go there. I tried to get him out of my head before I completely broke down. The fever dream I had had brought back bad memories. I tried to stop the memories from overwhelming me. I pulled the blanket up to my chin (trying to ignore how scratchy they were), squeezed my eyes shut, and tried to think of anything else. It didn¡¯t work. I started to spiral down into a vortex of my own emotions and thoughts. I don¡¯t know how long I was lost in the horrible memories of Calla¡¯s broken, bloody body. Could have been seconds, minutes, or hours. I was saved from getting so deep into my own swirling thoughts that I couldn¡¯t be resurfaced by a voice. I recognised it immediately as Staggy¡¯s. He was saying my name quietly. His hand gently stroked my cheek. ¡°Rico, are you awake?¡± I opened my eyes and looked into his blue-green eyes. He had a pink, flowery facecloth tied around his nose and mouth. It clashed beautifully with his blue ascot. He somehow managed to pull it off. Impressive. He smiled down at me. I tried to sit up, but my body protested my attempts with coughing fit. Thanks a lot, body. Love you too. Staggy, with practiced care, sat me up in the same way as Me-Te-Raltum, one hand on the back on one with a handkerchief to the mouth. I had no idea where they got all those handkerchiefs from. They seemed to materialise from nowhere. Staggy was careful not to cover my nose with the handkerchief and found a way to support my weight with one hand. When I finally finished my coughing fit, Staggy propped me up on my pillow. He fiddled with the blanket, gently running his hands across it to flatten it out. He finished with his fussing then looked at me with a smile and said, ¡°I have been nice to you, so now I¡¯m going to say it; I told you so. You should have let me check you for Sting. You have been very unhelpful, Rico.¡± He took a deep breath. ¡°How much would it have changed things?¡± I had to take a break to catch my breath. ¡°If you had caught it a day earlier?¡± ¡°Not much change for you, but then you may have spread it to fewer people. Lessen the workload for me and the other medics.¡± ¡°Sorry Staggy. Please forgive me one day.¡± He laughed. "Well, luckily for you, that one day is today. You don¡¯t want to anger us medics; we have too much power.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll keep that in mind.¡± I was breathing heavily after just that short conversation. My lungs were protesting every breath. Staggy picked up on that pretty quickly, he was a medic after all, so he stopped trying to have a conversation and instead just talked at me. I was so grateful for that. He told me a story about how when he was at boarding school, he, Figra, and Gill had stolen all the salt and pepper shakers from the dining hall and hung them in the trees that led to the hall. He seemed very proud of that; apparently it had been his idea. There was also a story he told me about when he sat on the roof of the teacher quarters and had thrown snowballs down on the teachers. The teachers had had no idea what was going on until they looked up. He had gotten beaten for that one. I loved hearing those stories from Staggy. They kept me from losing myself to my own mind. At some point I fell asleep. I fell asleep to the sound of Saggy¡¯s voice. I loved the way he pronounced certain words. It had a formal sound to it. Now I knew he was a noble. I was surprised I hadn¡¯t noticed that he was a noble by the way he spoke. Guess I wasn¡¯t looking for it. Difficult to find something you aren¡¯t looking for. I dreamt that it was raining snowballs, and all the trees were growing salt and pepper. Staggy and I were sitting together, pointing out our favourite facecloths. It was the most fun dream I had had in a while. 21. Wh猫int?mba, really? Chapter 21 Wh¨¨int?mba, really? I slept as much as I could manage. When I was asleep, the pain would go away. I was very rudely awakened. I was thoroughly enjoying my dreams of snowballs and salt and pepper trees. I was really hoping that I would be able to go back to sleep, so I didn¡¯t open my eyes. ¡°Raltum, how is he doing?¡± Staggy whispered. ¡°Not to worry you, but it isn¡¯t looking good. Since he has already had Sting, his lungs are already heavily damaged. His breathing is bad, and it clearly causes him a lot of pain. He kept down tea all right, so I¡¯m hoping food will stay down,¡± Me-Te-Raltum said. ¡°He threw up the day before yesterday, and I haven¡¯t seen him eat since.¡± ¡°That¡¯s worrying. When he wakes up, we¡¯ll give him the medication and try to feed him something. Now, Stagtum, you need to get some proper rest. Also, I want you to stay away from the Sting tent. You are my best wound management medic. I don¡¯t want you to get Sting.¡± ¡°Raltum. Please don¡¯t do that to me. He is my very close friend, and I want to be there for him. I will wear a facecloth.¡± Staggy¡¯s voice took on a frantic tone. ¡°Facecloths help, but they won¡¯t completely stop you from getting sick. I am standing by my decision. I will give you updates on his conditions, but I don¡¯t want you in here again. Understood, Stagtum?¡± Staggy sounded completely dejected, ¡°Yes.¡± I wanted to put Staggy at ease, so I finally opened my eyes and spoke up. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine, Staggy. This will give me one more reason to get better.¡± It came out much weaker than I would have liked. Staggy smiled down at me. ¡°You¡¯re in good hands. Raltum is pretty good at what he does.¡± ¡°Thanks, Staggy.¡± I went to sit up, but the movement made me cough. Me-Te-Raltum took my weight. ¡°Stagtum, you can leave now. Fi-Rico will be all right. I¡¯m pretty good at what I do.¡± Staggy looked like he wanted to protest, but Me-Te-Raltum clearly had power over him. He smiled at me, waved, then left. I would have waved back if I wasn¡¯t still hacking up my insides. When I finished coughing. Me-Te-Raltum removed the bloodied handkerchief from my mouth and laid me back down on the bed. He examined the handkerchief, a look of concern on his face. He looked down at me with a forced smile and said, ¡°Let¡¯s get you some breakfast.¡± Manuca came with a bowl of wh¨¨int?mba. That was the last fucking thing I wanted to eat in the moment. I didn¡¯t really want to eat anything, especially not wh¨¨int?mba. This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it. ¡°Good morning, Fi-Rico. I¡¯m Me-Da-Manuca. How are you feeling today?¡± ¡°Call me Rico.¡± I took a deep breath that really fucking hurt. ¡°I feel like a piece of shit.¡± ¡°Maybe some food will help.¡± Me-Da-Manuca set the tray with my breakfast on it down onto the side table. Me-Da-Manuca helped me to sit up. My weak, shacky body protested the movement, thetening me with another round of coughing, but I managed to sit up without coughing my insides up. I was dreading eating. I remembered how horrible it had been when I was seven. Even if I did manage to keep the food inside me, I would feel so sick. It was like my insides were eating themselves. Me-Da-Manuca offered me a pill and a glass of water. ¡°This should help to keep the food down.¡± I took the pill and glass. My hands were shaking so badly the water was threatening to spill over the rim of the glass. Me-Da-Manuca took the glass from me. I popped the pill into my mouth, and with Me-Da-Manuca¡¯s help took a swig of water to get the pill down. Me-Da-Manuca grabbed the bowl of wh¨¨int?mba and sat on the edge of my bed. He held the bowl out to me. I took the spoon in my shaking hands. I tried to swallow the wh¨¨int?mba but my throat closed up. Finally, I was able to force the food down. Me-Da-Manuca nodded, and I took another bit. It was even worse than the first spoonful. I repeated this until I physically couldn¡¯t get the food down my throat. I had barely even made a dent in the amount of wh¨¨int?mba. I dropped the spoon back into the bowl and tried to take some deep breaths to ease the pain in my stomach, but breathing hurt just as much as eating. I slumped down onto the pillows. Me-Da-Manuca set the bowl down. He placed a hand on my forehead. ¡°You look pale; your fever is higher than before as well.¡± Me-Da-Manuca lent down and picked something up from the floor. It was a bucket. Why did he have a bucket? The mystery was solved when I vomited into it. The wh¨¨int?mba looked barely different thrown up in the bucket than it had in the bowl. Me-Da-Manuca set the bucket down on the ground. ¡°I thought that would happen. How are you feeling?¡± ¡°Not great.¡± I took the handkerchief he offered me and whipped the vomit from my mouth. ¡°I¡¯m going to go get Raltum.¡± When Me-Te-Raltum came, they listened to my breathing and checked my temperature. They wrote a few things down in their notebook. Me-Te-Raltum told me to try to get some sleep before he left to take care of other patients. More people were coming in with Sting all the time. The tent never got quiet; someone was always coughing. All I wanted was to sleep, but it was too noisy, the blankets were too scratchy, and breathing was too painful. I rolled onto my side and tried to get comfortable. I had only been awake for half an hour, but I was already so tired. Even though I was exhausted, I couldn¡¯t escape into the comfort of sleep. Something always woke me up, and I had to start trying to get to sleep all over again. At one point, it was one of the healers who woke me up. They told me to try not to sleep on my side. That it would only make breathing harder. I knew they were right because the moment I rolled to my back, every breath wasn¡¯t so laborious, but it made getting to sleep even harder. I hated sleeping on my back. Something about it just felt wrong. At some point, I finally fell asleep. No dreams plagued my sleep. * * * I was once again woken by Staggy¡¯s and Me-Te-Raltum¡¯s voices. This time they were more muffled. I quickly realised that was because they were outside. Tents aren¡¯t soundproof people. ¡°Did he eat?¡± Staggy said. ¡°He did, but it didn¡¯t stay down. He isn¡¯t doing very well; his fever is very high, and he¡¯s coughing up a lot of blood.¡± Staggy¡¯s voice took on a panicked tone. ¡°What are you doing for him?¡± ¡°There is not much we can do. Some transport carts are coming tomorrow from the hospital, so I think I will send him to the capital hospital.¡± ¡°It¡¯s that bad?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Me-Te-Raltum really was a blunt person. They did not beat around the bush. Maybe if I survived, I would be able to see my family again. That was a nice thought. I was able to get some more sleep after that. Poem: I Wish I Were a Star I Wish I Were a Star Each night I look at you from a far You are gone from my world, you have now become a star. If you come across this story on Amazon, it''s taken without permission from the author. Report it. You left this world while in my hold I wish I were a star. Everyday is a constant heartache I am told to move onward, but in the same spot I feel safe I wish I could move on forward I wish I were a star. I wish I could forget you, but I cannot forget your face, and your laugh, and your words, and everything you do Now you have become a star in space I wish I were a star with you. 22. Was - First kiss Chapter 22 Was ¨C First kiss It was a sunny afternoon. A light breeze rustled the branches of the trees and helped to make the heat slightly more bearable for the two boys. The school year had finished, and Fi-Rico and Qi-Calla were going to Fi-Rico¡¯s to take Mim?e to the beach and have a picnic. Fi-Rico had prepared all the food the night before with the help of his mother. Fi-Rico was fiddling with the strap of his satchel absentmindedly. ¡°So, what do you think about The Red Pyramid?¡± Fi-Rico asked Qi-Calla. ¡°I like it so far, but I¡¯m a bit confused as to why the prophecy made it, so it was sixteen-year-olds who had to travel to the Red Pyramid to find the heart of Tantanima. Why couldn¡¯t the prophecy have chosen adults who had been training for years and were much more likely to succeed?¡± Fi-Rico laughed. ¡°Don¡¯t think too hard about it. By making it so that it is children who have to go on the quest, it gives the story a chance to explore how people learn to use and control their magic. It adds to the story.¡± Qi-Calla threw his arms in the air and said, ¡°it still should have been adults. I¡¯m sure you can still explore how adults develop their skills further in the face of life-threatening situations.¡± ¡°Stop thinking about it so hard; you¡¯ll ruin it for yourself. Sometimes you just need to dispel your disbelief and go with it.¡± Fi-Rico hit Qi-Calla playfully on the arm. Qi-Calla rubbed his arm where Fi-Rico had hit him, pulling a pouty face. ¡°I¡¯ll read it because you recommend it, and then we can talk about it, but I may need to rewrite it with adults instead. That would make much more sense.¡± ¡°If you ever do rewrite it, make sure you give it to me. I would love to read that.¡± If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it. When they reached the hill that led to Fi-Rico¡¯s house, they only got a quarter of the way up before Fi-Rico stopped, putting his hands on his knees breathing heavily. Breathily, he said, ¡°could we take a quick break? My lungs hate me with a burning passion. Literally burning. My lungs feel like they are burning.¡± Qi-Calla stopped and said, ¡°sure, how about we sit under that tree? It¡¯s too hot to stay out in the sun.¡± They made their way to the tree that Qi-Calla had pointed to. It was only about two meters away from the path. With a sigh, Fi-Rico sat down at the base of the tree. He closed his eyes, leaning against the tree trunk. Qi-Calla sat down next to him, resting his head on Fi-Rico¡¯s shoulder. Fi-Rico opened his eyes and looked at Qi-Calla. ¡°Are you all good?¡± Qi-Calla quickly sat up quickly and shuffled away from Fi-Rico. ¡°Sorry! I should have asked if it was all right to do that. I¡¯m so sorry, Rico!¡± Fi-Rico shook his head, laughing. He moved closer to Qi-Calla. ¡°I only asked because you have never done that before.¡± ¡°Sorry!¡± Fi-Rico laughed again. ¡°Stop apologising! I liked it. If you want to do it again, I wouldn¡¯t say no.¡± Qi-Calla looked at Fi-Rico. ¡°Can I rest my head on your shoulder?¡± ¡°Yes, dim whit.¡± Fi-Rico settled back against the tree, and Qi-Calla shuffled closer to him and let his head fall onto Fi-Rico¡¯s shoulder. They both closed their eyes. They stayed like that for some time, letting the breeze blow away the long school day. Qi-Calla suddenly sat up, startling Fi-Rico. He exclaimed, ¡°I want to kiss you.¡± The moment the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it. Fi-Rico was shocked, convinced he had heard wrong. ¡°What did you say?¡± ¡°I want to kiss you,¡± Qi-Calla mumbled, his cheeks going bright red. Fi-Rico looked at Qi-Calla in complete shock for a second before saying, ¡°please do.¡± Qi-Calla looked up in amazement. ¡°R-really? You want to kiss me?¡± ¡°Shut up and do it already.¡± They lent towards one another, and their lips met. It was short, and when they pulled away, Qi-Calla looked embarrassed while Fi-Rico looked pleased. Qi-Calla stumbled over his words as he spoke. ¡°Shit, I¡¯m so bad at that. I¡¯ve never done that before.¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t either. That wasn¡¯t the best first kiss, but there¡¯s always the second. Should we try again?¡± Fi-Rico asked. Qi-Calla nodded and moved closer to Fi-Rico, wrapping his arm around his waist. Their lips met for longer this time, and when they pulled away, both boys were smiling from ear to ear. 23. Ill see you soon Chapter 23 I''ll see you soon Manuca woke me up and then told me I had to eat dinner. Can we please do one unpleasant thing at a time? Two is two too many, I thought to myself. I was terrified to eat again. I didn¡¯t want to throw up. I didn¡¯t want my stomach to be laced with pain. I didn¡¯t want my throat to be burned by my stomach acids. I wanted it all to stop. I wanted to stop feeling pain. I wanted it to all go away. Despite my complaints, Manuca helped to sit me up, same as at breakfast, and sat on the edge of the bed. He gave me the pill that was supposed to make eating better; I swallowed it without complaint. The food was another story; I was not in the mood to eat. Still, he held the bowl out to me with a look that clearly said, ¡®Now eat¡¯. I couldn¡¯t bring myself to eat. I was so scared of being sick. My hand was shaking so badly as I picked up the chopsticks that even if I wanted to, I wouldn¡¯t have been able to pick up the food. Manuca gently took the chopsticks from my hands and set them down on the bedside table. He then stood up and said, ¡°I¡¯ll grab you a spoon.¡± I looked at the bowl of rice, corn, and chicken. I had hated meat ever since I had had Sting as a boy. Since being in the army, I had learnt to stomach it (the only other option was to starve), but even just looking at it had made me feel sick. Manuca came back with a spoon and handed it to me. ¡°Try to eat something.¡± I could only manage four spoonfuls of rice before the food stated coming up back up. I tried to keep it down, but my body rejected it. The rice had tasted bad going down but even worse coming back up. Once I was done wrenching into the bucket that Manuca had so helpfully supplied, I slumped back onto the pillows. I slumped too hard; I started coughing. My body really couldn¡¯t give me a break. Once I was finally done throwing up and coughing, Manuca went to get me some tea. I felt lightheaded from my coughing fit; my head was separate from my shaking, aching body. Every breath was a painful labour. I had forgotten how horrible Sting was. I could have sworn it was not this bad when I was seven. Manuca came back with the tea. He placed it in my cold, shaking hands. The warm cup felt amazing against my skin. The tea going down my sore, vomit-coated throat felt amazing. The best part of the tea was that it didn¡¯t make me feel sick; if anything, it made me feel better. Even if that feeling was short-lived. Before leaving me to get some more sleep, Manuca rested his hand on my forehead. ¡°It¡¯s worse than before,¡± he muttered to himself. ¡°I should go get Raltum.¡± Manuca came back with Me-Te-Raltum a few minutes later. Me-Te-Raltum sat on the edge of my bed and gently rested their hand on my forehead. Their hand was warm and soft. They then listened to my breathing. I just lay there and let Me-Te-Raltum do what they needed to do. It wasn¡¯t like I was in a state to do more than just lay there anyway. The food had made me feel terrible, and I had been awake for longer than twenty minutes. My body hated me. The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings. When Me-Te-Raltum was done listening to my rasping breath, they pulled my scratchy blanket up to my chin. It was so cold. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn¡¯t stop my body from shaking. I wanted it to stop. It made the constant ache in my chest even worse. ¡°Manuca, could you get Fi-Rico another blanket?¡± Me-Te-Raltum said. ¡°Fi-Rico, before I let you get some sleep, I would just like to let you know that we are going to send you to the Capital hospital tomorrow. They have much better treatment for Sting there; you will be much more likely to recover.¡± I nodded slightly to let Me-Te-Raltum know I had heard them. I could feel the strength draining faster than my dinner had left my body that evening. I closed my eyes and let myself drift to sleep. * * * I slept fitfully. I was woken up so many times by my own coughing fits as well as the coughing fits of the others around me. I felt so bad for the medics who were forced to come to my aid at all hours of the night. It also didn¡¯t help that I was perpetually cold. Even with the two blankets, my body never felt warm. I just wouldn¡¯t stop shaking. Shaking made my skin rub against the blankets. I wished I had been given long-sleeve nightcloths. When I woke up, there were voices. There were always voices. The medics couldn¡¯t seem to shut up. I would normally zone them out and try to sleep through it, but this conversation seemed like one I should listen to because my name was mentioned. "Jeranta, could you find Stagtum and tell him to pack up Fi-Rico¡¯s things? You can also tell him that he can come say goodbye.¡± I was pretty sure that it was Me-Te-Raltum who was speaking, but I couldn¡¯t be bothered to open my eyes to find out. The light was painful enough with my eyes closed. ¡°Will do Raltum,¡± Jeranta said, probably saluting or something. I just lay awake, shivering for a while. No one bothered me, which I was more than happy about. No one came to force me to eat. I could tell that others were being fed, but I was, thankfully, not one of them. I guessed they had given up trying to get me to eat. I drifted in and out of sleep for an hour or so. I was next awoken by Staggy gently stroking my sweaty face with his warm, callused hand. I opened my eyes, squinting as the sun burnt my eyes. I felt the bed sag as Staggy sat on it. It was a small bed, but I took up a surprisingly small amount of it. I must have lost a lot of weight; I was small but not that small. ¡°Hi Staggy.¡± I tried to sit up; I hated having conversations laying down, but my body wouldn¡¯t allow for it. That tiny movement made me cough and my head spin. Staggy looped an arm under my back and carefully sat me up. He did it so skilfully it barely made me cough. Once I was sitting up, I could see Staggy properly. He was wearing a blue facecloth with a fish pattern. Bags sat under his eyes, and his hair, which was normally tied back in a bun, was free and messy. With a lot of effort, I reached out and grasped his hand, saying, ¡°You don¡¯t look so good.¡± He gave me a strained smile. ¡°I¡¯ve been working. A few medics have gone down with Sting; a lot of medics are treating Sting patients, so they can¡¯t treat the wounded, so I¡¯ve been working overtime with the wounded patients.¡± I smiled slyly. ¡°Sorry to be so bothersome.¡± I took a painful breath. ¡°I promise I did mean to get sick.¡± Staggy laughed. ¡°You¡¯ll be leaving soon.¡± He fiddled with my blankets. ¡°You better come back.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, dying is not high on my to-do list.¡± ¡°Good. I couldn¡¯t handle losing you as well.¡± I looked straight into his eyes. ¡°There we go; that¡¯s one more reason to live. You.¡± ¡°You¡¯re welcome.¡± Staggy squeezed my hand. ¡°I¡¯ll miss you, Staggy.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll miss you to.¡± He pulled me into a hug. ¡°I¡¯ll see you soon,¡± he whispered into my ear. ¡°See you soon.¡± I whispered back. 24. Capital Hospital Chapter 24 Capital Hospital Movement made me cough, and there was a lot of movement to get me from my bed to a stretcher. The medic tried their hardest not to jostle me too much, but it was impossible. The moment I was set down on the stretcher, I started coughing. They did the same thing as usual: one hand on my back to sit me up, another at my mouth with a handkerchief to catch the blood. And there was blood. All my coughing fits had blood now. Once I was done coughing, the medic said to me, ¡°we are going to move you to the ambulance now. The ambulance will go to the train station in Kalim¨¨th.¡± All I could do was nod. I was still recovering from my coughing fit. The medic looked at the soldier who had been employed to move patients. The medic counted to three, and they lifted me, but the soldier used too much force, so it was a jerky assent. ¡°Shit, I thought he would be heavier.¡± The soldier swore. The medic rolled their eyes. They said it in clipped tones. ¡°Just get moving. There is still a lot of work for you to do.¡± The trip to the ambulance was torturous. They really did try not to make the trip too bumpy, but every small jostle was enough to make my weak body scream in protest. When I was finally loaded into the ambulance, I was gasping for breath and clutching my stomach. I wanted to curl into a ball to try to remove some of the pain in my gut, but the stretcher was too small and my body too weak. The medic had been kind enough to lay a thin blanket over me. It was nowhere near enough to black out the chill of the coming winter. When the oxen pulled ambulance started moving, it was bouncy. Even though there was nothing left in my stomach, the constant movement made me feel like I was going to throw up. Since there was nothing to throw up, I dry-heaved instead. The movement set me coughing a few times, but I did my best to stop it. I didn¡¯t want to get blood anywhere, and if it got bad, there was no one to help. The trip to Kalim¨¨th felt like it took hours, but it probably only took about thirty minutes. The ambulance stopped just outside the train station. The train station was filled with people. People were shouting, screaming, crying, and everything in between. It made my head pound. Two nurses unloaded me. I really wished I was in a state to walk because it was just embarrassing to have to be carried around like a child. One of the nurses asked a senior medic where I should be taken. The person they asked seemed to be a commanding medic, judging by their medic¡¯s uniform with a badge reading commanding medic. The commanding medic said to put me in the fifteenth carriage, so that was where I was taken. The carriage had three layers of beds lining each wall. About eighty percent of the beds were already occupied by coughing soldiers. One of the nurses gently lifted me onto a bottom bed. He had blond hair and two red Tibtans. A grey facecloth covered most of his face, leaving only his brown eyes visible. He rested his hand on my forehead. ¡°I¡¯m Nurse Im-Plama. What¡¯s your name?¡± I took a breath. ¡°My name is Fi-Rico.¡± ¡°The train ride will take about two hours. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to call out. There will always be a nurse or two close by. I¡¯m going to listen to your breathing quickly, and then you should try to get some sleep. It will make the trip go much faster.¡± His voice was soft and calm, with a more northern accent. The accent made sense considering his family name. Names that start with vowels are common in the north. The author''s content has been appropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon. He pulled out a stethoscope from his cloth bag. He undid the top buttons of my shirt. kneeling beside me. Before Nurse Im-Plama put the stethoscope on my bare chest, he held it in his hands to warm it up. He then placed it on my chest and asked me to take the deepest breath I could. Once he had finished, he scribbled a few things down on a piece of paper. I tried to do up my shirt buttons, but my hands were shaking so badly. Nurse Im-Plama had to do it for me. That was embarrassing. He finished by pulling the scratchy blankets over me. ¡°Thank you, Nurse Im-Plama.¡± He smiled at me and said, ¡°You¡¯re welcome. I hope you feel better soon.¡± Nurse Im-Plama then left. The bed I had been put on was not comfortable, but it was better than the stretcher. At least it didn¡¯t feel like it was taking layers of my skin off. That was something. The train trip was uneventful. I snatched small amounts of sleep, but I was interrupted by the train, my coughing and other people coughing. All the nurses on the hospital train were lovely and very gentle. * * * When I arrived at the Capital Hospital, I was put in a long ward with other Sting patients. For the first time in ages, I was in a proper bed. I had quilts, not just blankets. It was wide enough for me to be able to find more comfortable ways to lay, and there was more than one pillow. I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn¡¯t felt so shit. A nurse came in to examine me about fifteen minutes after I had arrived at the hospital. They came while I was in a half-asleep state, so I was dazed and confused. I must have said yes to it because the next thing I knew, my shirt was fully unbuttoned, and the nurse was cleaning the worst of the sweat off me with a damp cloth. The cloth wasn¡¯t cold, but I wasn¡¯t expecting it. I cried out in surprise. The nurse stumbled back from my bed, looking just as surprised as me. ¡°Did I hurt you?¡± he said in alarm. I slumped back into the bed as the small amount of adrenaline drained out of me. ¡°No. I apologise for my surprise. I was not fully conscious of what I was going on.¡± I had to take multiple breathing breaks through my explanation. It was one of the longest things I had attempted to say in a while. ¡°I thought you had said it was all right for me to help clean you and change your clothes. I should be the one apologising.¡± He sat back down in the chair next to my bed. I tried to sit up¡ªI hated having conversations lying down¡ªbut my body wouldn¡¯t allow it. ¡°I am very grateful for your help. I was just caught off guard.¡± He must have noticed my attempt to sit because he asked, ¡°would you like me to help you sit up?¡± I nodded, and he very carefully sat me up, resting my back on the pillows. I looked at the dark skinned, black-haired nurse. ¡°Thank you¡­ What is your name?¡± ¡°I am Nurse Go-Kamata. Would you like me to finish cleaning you and get you some fresh clothes?¡± ¡°That would be very kind, Nurse Go-Kamata.¡± He chuckled slightly as he set to work. ¡°I¡¯m just doing my job,¡± he muttered. I hated how helpless I was. I couldn¡¯t even sit up on my own. Nurse Go-Kamata was kind and gentle with my delicate body. He worked quickly and skilfully. When he finished cleaning off my stale sweat, Nurse Go-Kamata helped me change into some new nightcloths. They were a soft blue linen set. He also brushed my hair. I hadn¡¯t done that in so long there was a knot that took Nurse Go-Kamata a few minutes to get out. Once he finished, I felt slightly more human. Having days of sweat washed off my body and my hair in a presentable state made me feel better mentally. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry to ask this, but would you be able to braid my hair?¡± It would help stop it from getting to such a state as it had been. I felt confident that he could do a braid considering his hair was tied back into one. He gave me his warm smile. ¡°Of course. Would you like me to braid in your Tibtans?¡± I shook my head. I probably should have replied with words, but my throat was dry, and my lungs hurt. Nurse Go-Kamata braided my hair and tied it off with a small piece of string he produced from his bag. ¡°There we go! I¡¯m going to get a medic to look you over. She should be with you in a few minutes. Nurse Go-Kamata packed up his things and walked across the long ward to go help a patient who had just begun a coughing fit. I slumped back into my pillows. The conversation had left me breathless and tired. I couldn¡¯t even have a basic conversation with someone. Great. 25. Getting better Chapter 25 Getting better I only had to wait five minutes for the medic to show up. She strode down the long ward with an air of importance and confidence. She sat down in the chair next to my bed. She wore a yellow blouse and a green Mino style wrap around skirt. A red facecloth covered most of her pale face. Her brown hair was pulled back into a neat bun, with not a hair out of place. She sat in the chair stiffly, her face held not a hit of a smile. ¡°Good afternoon, Fi-Rico. I am Me~Ra~Kalito and I¡¯m one of the specialists in Sting treatment here at the Capital Hospital.¡± Her voice was a complete contrast to her body language. While her body was stiff and proper her voice was lyrical and relaxed with a hint of a western accent; she pronounced her ¡®s¡¯ almost as a hiss and her ¡®t¡¯s were slightly clicky. She checked my temperature, breathing and pulse. I only had one coughing fit the whole time she was examining me. Yay me! ¡°You¡¯re very thin. When was the last time you kept a meal down?¡± I wracked my brain to find the last meal I had properly ate. I took a strained breath and said, ¡°maybe three days ago.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not good, we¡¯ll have to change that.¡± I could see a faint smile in her eyes. Me~Ra~Kalito stood up and put her things away. ¡°I¡¯m going to see if I can get you your own room. I can¡¯t imagine you¡¯ll sleep very well here, and you need to sleep.¡± ¡°Thank you Me~Ra~Kalito.¡± Me~Ra~Kalito found me a room. Nurse Go-Kamata took me to my new room. It was small but had a window. The city bellow was visible through my small window. People rushed up and down the street. Carriages thundered along the road throwing up cobble stones. I had never been to the city before, I was amazed by how so many people could be in one place. So many people living and working in such a small area. It was amazing to watch. From my bed I had a perfect view out onto the street. That view was what got me through my Sting recovery. Without it I would have been driven insane by boredom. My room was quiet and comfortable. For the first time in a very long time, I felt safe. I felt like a piece of shit that had been run over multiple times by a carriage full of bricks, but I felt safe. I was just thinking about how amazing sleeping in my new bed was going to be when Nurse Go-Kamata came back into my room with food. Food, great, my favourite. Nurse Go-Kamata sat in the chair next to my bed setting the tray of food down on the bedside table. He offered me a pill and a glass of water. ¡°This one is better than the ones they have out in the field It¡¯s the newest formula.¡± Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon. I looked at him quizzically and asked, ¡°why haven¡¯t you supplied the field medics with it yet?¡± ¡°It¡¯s being sent out now, but it was only recently approved to be mass produced.¡± I took the pill. I was really hoping that it was safe to have. I had to trust they had tested it properly. The pill he to be forced down my throat. My body did not like eating anything. When I had swallowed the pill, Nurse Go-Kamata held the bowl of soup out to me. Nurse Go-Kamata told me, ¡°It¡¯s vegetable soup. We found it says down the best.¡± He was right. The soup went down much easier than other foods. It was still a struggle to eat but it was slightly more bearable. I was most happy by the fact that it wasn¡¯t meat. Meat was the thing that made me feel the worst. I managed to eat a significate portion of the soup. Nurse Go-Kamata seemed happy with how much I had eaten. I also didn¡¯t throw it back up until five minutes after I had eaten it. Improvement! Nurse Go-Kamata had to hold the bucket out to catch vegetable soup. And that was exactly what it was. It looked basically the same as when it had when it had sat in the bowl just in a bucket instead. When Nurse Go-Kamata left he gave me a sleeping pill and a remark about how sleep is important. And by stars did I sleep. No dreams visited me, and I didn¡¯t wake up coughing or woken by someone else coughing. It was amazing. Unfortunately, I had to wake up. When I woke up all the pain came back. The blissfulness of unconsciousness could only last so long. The morning came with food. Food that refused to stay down longer than five minutes. Then I went back to sleep (sleep was the only thing I could do). I was once again woken by food at dinner time. Food that came into my room in a bowl and left in a bucket. This routine went on for a week and a half. I was too weak to do anything more than just lay there while people did everything they could to take some of my pain and discomfort away. Nurse Go-Kamata was my primary carer. He would always have a conversation with me even if it was often quite one sided ( my lungs hated conversations). He was kind and thoughtful. His kindness and my widow were what made my recovery possible. * * * After a week and a half at the hospital I woke up feeling better than I had in two weeks. I had been slowly getting better but that morning I felt leaps and bounds better than I had since coming to the Capital Hospital. The bed that had once been luxury now drove me insane. I hated having to lie down all the time and have people do everything for me. That morning, I told Sting to go fuck itself and finally got out of bed. I stumbled to the chair, that Nurse Go-Kamata would sit in at mealtimes, and slumped into it. I was so happy with myself at that small achievement. I was smiling like a little kid when Nurse Go-Kamata walked in. ¡°Fi-Rico! You must be feeling better.¡± He was smiling broadly as well. ¡°I think I¡¯m ready to have some breakfast.¡± ¡°Willing to eat. That¡¯s a first.¡± He set the tray down on the bedside table. And in a pompos voice he said, ¡°would you like to have your breakfast sitting in the chair or would you like to have it in bed.¡± ¡°I think I¡¯ll stay in the chair Nurse Go-Kamata.¡± I had worked to hard to get to the chair not to stay in it. ¡°I think it¡¯s been long enough for you to call me Kamata. Just don¡¯t tell anyone it¡¯s seen as improper.¡± ¡°Then you can call me Rico, Kamata.¡± I ate all my breakfast that morning and didn¡¯t throw up. I did feel so sick afterwards that Kamata had to carry to get me back to bed, but I felt so much better that morning that it was worth the coughing fit and stabbing pains that came with the movement. I was just so happy that I had managed to get out of bed all on my own. It was the best feeling. 26. Kamata Chapter 26 Kamata After two weeks at the Capital Hospital, my coughing fits stopped including blood. At week three, I could eat full meals without throwing up and get to the toilet without someone¡¯s help. On the twentieth of Leechi, I was reading a book that Kamata had lent me. Kamata said it was his favourite book and got better around three hundred pages in. I was having a hard time reading it because it was written in traditional Mino script. There were a few words I had to ask Kamata about, but I could read most of it. The afternoon sun was pouring through my window; it made me feel warm inside and out. A musician was playing a cello somewhere on the street below. Its gentle melodies drifted through my open window along with the breeze. It made me miss my own cello. It had been such a long time since I had been able to play. Sitting there listening to a cello reminded me so much of home. It sparked a deep melancholy feeling inside me. A feeling that had been sitting in me for months, but I had been trying my hardest to ignore. I was homesick. I rested Kamata¡¯s book on my lap and gazed out the window. The sky was a patchwork of pinks, oranges and yellows. I took a few painless deep breaths. In the afternoon light, the Sun City was stunning. If I looked from just the right angle, I could see some of the towers of the Dawn Palace. The towers were the highest points in the city. They sparkled, shinning gold light across the city. I wished I could have seen the whole palace. It was supposed to be even more beautiful than the Dusk palace. I had gone to Toolanta when I was fourteen for the winter solstice. The dusk palace had been the most beautiful building I had ever seen, and I couldn¡¯t believe that any building could be more beautiful. While in Toolanta, I had even seen the king and queen. The queen had worn the most beautiful traditional Dallie winter solstice outfit. The king had worn a traditional Mino outfit with more jewels woven into the fabric than there were in all of Pallamin. The door to my room opened, snapping me back to the present. Kamata came in carrying my dinner. He looked at the book sitting in my lap. ¡°How is it going?¡± ¡°It¡¯s so good. It¡¯s just taking me a while to read.¡± Kamata set the tray down on the bedside table and sat down. ¡°Sorry about that. I don¡¯t think it¡¯s been translated into Dallie or even modern Mino.¡± I picked up the book, scanning the curly script. "I''m really all right. I was taught traditional Mino at school, but it¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve had to read anything written in it.¡± Kamata gestured to the covered bowl with sarcastic enthusiasm and said, ¡°I bet you can¡¯t guess what¡¯s for dinner tonight.¡± I stroked my chin. ¡°Could it possibly be rice with mushrooms, spinach, and carrots? Wild guess I know.¡± Stolen content alert: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences. I knew exactly what I was having; it was the same thing I had been eating for a week since I was able to stomach solid foods. ¡°Wow! You are so good at guessing,¡± Kamata said with a smile. He uncovered the bowl and handed it to me. I picked up the chopsticks and began to eat. I had to eat slowly, but it felt good to be able to even eat at all. Between mouthfuls, I asked Kamata how he was doing. ¡°The Sting wards are starting to clear out. Sting season has finally ended, and now it¡¯s just annoying people like you left.¡± ¡°Sorry about that. I promise I didn¡¯t mean to get sick.¡± Being able to joke around with someone again provided me with more warmth than the sunlight streaming through my window. Kamata and I had become friends in my time at the Capital Hospital. He used bringing me meals as a chance to catch a break from the bustle of the hospital. I used it as an escape from my own thoughts. Kamata took the nearly empty bowl of food from me. ¡°In some very exciting news, your being discharged tomorrow! Me~Ra~Kalito said you¡¯re no longer contagious and are making a great recovery. She is giving you three more weeks to recover. You can go home!¡± I sat up straighter in bed. ¡°Really! I can go home!¡± Kamata nodded vigorously. ¡°Yes!¡± I could feel myself smiling more than I had in months. Tears of joy started to form in my eyes. I was going home! Even if it was only for a short time, I was going to see my family again. Kamata pulled his pocket watch from his vest pocket. ¡°Shit. I have to go. I¡¯ve been here too long.¡± ¡°No. Don¡¯t leave me, Kamata,¡± I said jokingly. ¡°I¡¯ll see you tomorrow.¡± He waved as he left the room. When I was alone, I fell back onto the pillows. That was a mistake; it made me cough. Even though my short coughing fit left my chest aching, I was overwhelmed by happiness. *** I was restless. I couldn¡¯t bear to stay laying or sitting. I paced my small room. Sting¡ªand a month in bed¡ªhad made me weak, so after every circuit of the room I had to sit on the edge of the bed for a minute or two to catch my breath. Kamata came in with breakfast while I was resting on the bed. He sat down in the chair and looked at me. ¡°Last breakfast at the Capital Hospital. Excited?¡± ¡°Yes! Stars yes! It¡¯s been months since I¡¯ve seen my family. I miss them so much!¡± I started to pick at my breakfast. ¡°I couldn¡¯t imagine being away from my family that long. I couldn¡¯t handle not seeing my daughter and partner that long.¡± I looked at him in surprise. I had heard about his partner but nothing about a daughter. ¡°Daughter? You have a daughter.¡± He smiled. ¡°Yes. Her name is Go-Bintano. She recently turned two. My partner really wanted a child, but we can¡¯t have one together, so we adopted. We adopted her when she was one, so I couldn¡¯t bear to lose anymore time watching her grow up.¡± The way his face lit up as he talked about Go-Bintano was so lovely to see. There was so much love in his eyes just at the thought of her. It was the same love that my mother had when she said goodbye to me. Through her tears, I could see so much love. Kamata dug through his pocket for a few seconds. ¡°I have a photo of her somewhere in here,¡± he said through gritted teeth. He finally found what he was looking for, a small metal rectangle. When he opened it, it revealed three photos. He held it out for me to see. There was one photo of a little girl with black hair in a small blue dress. The next photo was of Kamata¡¯s partner, Go-Thantima. They were a dressmaker. The final photo was of the three of them together. They all looked so happy in all the photos. ¡°She is so cute!¡± I exclaimed. ¡°I know! I love her so much.¡± He told me some more about his daughter. How she would always suck her thumb, how she runs towards Kamata when he comes home, and how she loves to just sit and watch Go-Thantima as they sew. When he left, he was smiling from ear to ear. The amount of love he felt for Go-Bintano was so great you could sense it in the room. Kamata was such an amazing person. He reminded me so much of Staggy. Staggy had the same care towards everyone he met. He had the power to make anyone like him. Staggy and Kamata were both the kind of people who left you feeling warm inside after just one conversation. 27. I am not a child Me~Ra~Kalito gave me one last look over. She also gave me a small jar of the pills¡ªfor when I wanted to eat¡ªwhich I stowed in my pack. I still had to take one before every meal, but I rarely threw up. She then sent in Kamata to finish up my discharge. ¡°A letter was sent yesterday to your parents to let them know you¡¯re coming home,¡± Kamata told me. ¡°The best way for you to get home is by train. The next train to Pallamin from Centennial Station is in just over an hour.¡± That would have been fine if I knew my way around the Sun City. ¡°Would you have a map I could use to find the station?¡± Kamata laughed. ¡°I¡¯m not just going to let you out into the city by yourself. Patient transport carriages are always leaving from the hospital to the station. I¡¯ll get you on one of those.¡± ¡°Thank the stars. I was not in the mood to wander around the city trying to find the station. ¡°The laws around sixteen-year-olds in the army are murky, but you are still a minor, and you are in our care until you are with your parents in Pallamin. We have a duty of care, and we would never let a minor into an unknown city alone. I hate the fact that they allow children to fight in a man¡¯s war, so while you are at the Capital Hospital, we will treat you as a normal sixteen-year-old. You are a child, not an adult. Also, I care about you. I don¡¯t really want you getting lost.¡± Kamata said it with a kind, but stern look on his face. It was odd to hear someone call me a child. I didn¡¯t feel like one anymore. The war had forced me to be an adult. For months I had been treated as if I were an adult. For months I had been acting as if I were an adult. At some point, I stopped acting. At some point it was no longer pretend. I had no choice but to be an adult. Children get killed. Adults survive. And I wanted to survive. I looked at Kamata. He was looking at me like I was a child. I didn¡¯t like it. I told him that. ¡°I don¡¯t feel like a child.¡± Kamata tilted his head to one side. ¡°You are, though. You are still a minor by law.¡± ¡°Maybe by law I¡¯m a child, but I don¡¯t think I am one anymore.¡± I looked down at the floor. ¡°Children don¡¯t kill. Children don¡¯t watch the life slip from someone¡¯s eyes. Children don¡¯t go to war.¡± Kamata rested a hand on my leg. I didn¡¯t know what else to say. Kamata didn¡¯t seem to know either. We sat in comfortable silence for some time. I was left to retreat into my own mind. In my mind, I found grief. Too much for a child. There were very few things in my life that I felt certain of; this was one of them. I was certain that even though my age said I was, I was no child. ¡°Rico, you need to get ready to leave.¡± Kamata pulled me from my own mind. Support the creativity of authors by visiting the original site for this novel and more. I nodded. I had to dig through my bag to find all the parts of my dress uniform. The dress uniform used the same shirt and pant as the normal uniform, but I had to get out a sash, shoulder drape, and badges. I had no problem changing in front of Kamata. He had helped me change enough times that he wasn¡¯t seeing anything new. I started by tying my pale blue sash around my waist. There was a very specific way that it needed to be tied. A double knot with one side longer than the other. The longer side was then wrapped around the knot to make it look neater. The shoulder drape was just a triangular piece of fabric with a button. I secured the shoulder drape around my neck, letting it fall over my right shoulder. Next, I pinned my ribbon and the badge of the Ossory defence force¡ªa gold sun badge with a sword in the middle¡ªon my left side. Finally, I pulled my boots on. I carefully tucked my pants into the top of the boots. When I was finished getting dressed, I made sure my pack was fully done up before putting it on my back. ¡°I¡¯ll take you to the carriages now,¡± said Kamata. ¡°Thank you so much, Kamata.¡± He had done more for me than me or him knew at the time. * * * I got onto the train with no problems. The carriage I entered was nearly empty, apart from a woman sitting in the back corner. I took a seat near the front of the carriage. I put my bag on the shelf above the seats. The train began to move. The city moved away from me. I would have to come back so I could explore it properly. It was such a beautiful city. Maybe I could come with Staggy one day. The outside world shifted to fields and forests. It passed through a few towns and villages. The further I travelled, the more my excitement built. It hadn¡¯t really hit me until that moment that I was really going home. I was really going to see my family again. I was going home! A few hours later, the train pulled into the Pallamin train station. I collected my things and stepped onto the platform. Even just the air smelt familiar. Only a few other people got off with me. The train station was relatively empty. I found the exit easily. I came out close to the centre of town. I stopped. The low homes with their thatched roofs were so familiar and comforting to me. I could name every store that lined the street. I just stood and watched the people bustle around the town. I just watched my town. It had been such a long time since I had been here. I had never been more excited in my entire life. I walked as quickly as I could through the town, taking the familiar path through town. I walked past the schoolhouse, then the candy store, the pharmacy, and finally, I made it. My house stood at the top of the hill. It was a small two-story home with a sloping thatched roof. The outside was painted a light yellow. Vines ran up the sides of the walls framing the arched windows. I looked up the path that led to my house. ¡°Why did my grandparents build our house on a hill?¡± I muttered to myself. It was really going to ruin the moment if I came to the door hopelessly out of breath. I looked up the hill one more time, then started my assent. By the time I finally reached the top of the hill, I was out of breath and cursing my grandparents. I leant against the door frame for a few seconds. I knocked on the door. I had been waiting for this moment for months. My family was about to come to the door I had just knocked on. I felt the tears already forming in my eyes before I even saw any of my family. The door was suddenly thrown open. And there, just inside the house, was my sister. ¡°Hi Calula.¡± She just stared at me for a few seconds with her mouth slightly agape. Then suddenly, with no warning, she threw herself onto me. ¡°Rico! You¡¯re here! You¡¯re really here!¡± Calula squealed. 28. Home (finally) I could hear Calula¡¯s tears. She was laughing and crying, her head buried in me. I felt my own tears begin to fall from my eyes. Warm, happy tears. It had been such a long time since I had felt her touch. It was both comforting and foreign to me. ¡°Rico! Is that really you?" My mother cried in Dallie. Just those few words switched my brain to my mother tongue. ¡°Mama!¡± Calula let go of me so I could embrace mum. ¡°Rico, I missed you so much.¡± Mum squeezed me closer to her. I began to cry harder. ¡°I missed you too. I missed you more than anything.¡± I just cried in her warm embrace. It had been too long since I had felt her arms around me. Too long since her soft words had washed through my mind. Mum stopped the embrace by pushing me at arm¡¯s length to examine me. She looked me up and down, taking in my shaggy hair, my dress uniform, and every visible scar on my body. The first one she noticed was the right side of my face. She traced it with her soft hand. ¡°How did that happen?" She already knew the answer but asked anyway. I pushed her hand from my face. ¡°In a battle. It¡¯s really not that bad. I¡¯ve seen worst.¡± That was the wrong thing to say. She looked at me horrified. She embraced me again. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have had to see worst.¡± ¡°I¡¯m all right, mum. I¡¯m here. I¡¯m alive. I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve missed you.¡± Mum said again. ¡°I love you so much.¡± She held me at arm¡¯s length once more. ¡°You¡¯re thin. We better get some food in you.¡± She then hurried off into the kitchen, whipping tears from her eyes. There was a slight bounce in her step. I finally got to have a good look at Calula.She was wearing loose red pants and a white embroidered shirt. Wait! She was wearing my loose red pants and my embroidered white shirt. ¡°Why are you wearing my clothes?¡± ¡°They are more comfortable to work in.¡± I grabbed her, no my, shirt. ¡°Why did you choose this shirt?" I have so many shirts; why did you choose my nicest one? This is the one I wear to riding competitions!¡± ¡°All your other ones had stains on them. I wasn¡¯t going to wear a stained shirt.¡± I sighed. Then it hit me. It was the middle of the day on a weekday. Why wasn¡¯t she at school? ¡°Why the fuck aren¡¯t you at school?¡± She looked at me like I was stupid, which I probably was. ¡°Without you around, Mama needed someone else to help on the farm. I¡¯ve only been going to school two days a week recently. A lot of the girls in my class are doing the same thing. There just aren¡¯t enough people in the town. Every single man of working age is at war.¡± Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings. I looked at her incredulously. ¡°But you shouldn¡¯t be missing out on your education.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really have much choice, like you. The government is taking a massive portion of our crops without paying us a cent, to feed the people at the front. We barely have enough food to sell and eat. The least I can do is help around the farm. Mum and dad are stretched so thin.¡± ¡°Shit. That fucking stinks. Why is the government allowed to just take food from us? That¡¯s not fair.¡± ¡°They need to feed all the soldiers at the front and probably don¡¯t have the funding to pay us lowlife farmers. I guess it¡¯s that, or let all the soldiers starve. Malnourished soldiers aren¡¯t much use. I hate it, but it makes sense.¡± I hugged Calula again. ¡°I¡¯ve missed you.¡± ¡°Yeah. Me too.¡± We went into the kitchen together to see mum cooking up a storm. ¡°I¡¯m making your favourite dish, Ricoco.¡± I had finally stopped crying, but mum calling me by my nickname made tears fall. It had been such a long time since anyone had called me Ricoco. She didn¡¯t have to tell me that she was making my favourite dish. I had recognised it immediately. She was making dumpling soup. It had been too long since I had been in my own clothes, so I excused myself to go get changed. When I entered my room, I started crying again. Everything was just as I had left it all those months ago. The bedsheets were still the same. The pillows were ordered the same way I always did them. My riding boot sat next to the closet along with my heels, sandals, and inside shoes. The curtains were tied back with a single bow, allowing the evening light to stream into the room. My bedside table still had the nearly completely used candle sitting on it along with the last book I was reading, Graveyard book. I never had the chance to finish that book before I had to leave; maybe one day. My cello lent against the bookcase. It was just as beautiful as I remembered. The only thing that I could find that was different about my room was the closet. It was missing a few clothes. Calula must have stolen them. I pulled out a light blue pair of pants and a short-sleeved pale pink shirt. I slipped on my inside shoes. Comfortable shoes made from sheepskin. I went to the bathroom and washed my face with the water from the bucket and gave my hair a quick brush through. I would have to get mum to cut it before I had to leave again. She would also have to redo my Tibtans. I wasn¡¯t very good at doing them. I took one of the pills Me~Ra~Kalito had given me before going to eat lunch. I could smell it from upstairs. When I came downstairs, lunch was on the table, and mum and Calula were already sitting down. I sat down on my pillow, curling my legs underneath me. Mum took a bit of the dumpling soup, signalling us to begin. I picked up my chopsticks and began to eat. It was the most amazing food I had had in my entire life. The dumplings were perfect, and the soup warmed me from the inside out. I had never been so grateful for mums¡¯ food. Between mouthfuls I asked, ¡°When will dad be home?¡± ¡°He should be home around dinner. He went to Gantima to sell some food,¡± Mum said. I nodded and continued to eat. I couldn¡¯t wait to see dad again. Once we finished eating, I got up to help clean up, but mum gave me a look that said, ¡®don¡¯t even think about it.'' I wasn¡¯t about to cross my mum, so I took a seat in the living room and waited for mum and Calula to finish cleaning up. It felt completely wrong not to be helping, but I didn¡¯t have much choice. Mother''s word is law. She came into the living room with a tray of tea. Mum set the tray down on the small table and took a set on one of the floor pillows. Then, with no warning, she grabbed my arm and looked at the long scar. ¡°How many scars do you have?¡± She sounded more angry than concerned. ¡°Not that many, mum. I¡¯ve gotten off pretty well, all things considered.¡± Her hand tightened around my arm. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have any scars,¡± mum whispered. I was at a loss for words. Thankfully, Calula came to the rescue. ¡°Mum, aren¡¯t you going to pour the tea?¡± She seemed to snap out of it. She released my writs. ¡°Oh, right, the tea.¡± She was flustered as she poured the tea. I felt guilty, but I wasn¡¯t completely sure why. I felt like I had done something wrong. I didn¡¯t want these scars anymore than mum wanted me to have them. I didn¡¯t choose to go to war. I really didn¡¯t want them to bring up anything about the war anymore. I didn¡¯t want to admit what I had done and seen. That was only a conversation I felt I could have with dad. He had fought in the war as well. He would understand what I¡¯m going through. 29. Dad Tea was a bit awkward. Mum seemed uncomfortable. I left as soon as I could. My cello was waiting. I had been wanting to play for such a long time. I missed making music. I sat on my cello stool. My music rested on my bed, supported by a pillow. I sat my cello between my legs. The bow sat comfortably in my right hand. I tuned the cello and then began to play. I was rusty, but I had played this piece thousands of times, so muscle memory took over. My body began to move in tandem to the music. The music washed through my mind. The world seemed to melt away. Playing the cello was my favourite form of escapism. Nothing mattered to me but the music. Where my fingers fell. The gentle movement of the bow across the strings was all that mattered when I played the cello. I have no idea how long I played the cello. At some point I stopped following the music; my mind chose the next note. My emotions lead the music. That had been my favourite thing about getting good at the cello; it allowed me to play what I felt in a way that made sense to me and others. I was interrupted by my door opening. I looked up to see who had disturbed me. It was Dad. I lept to my feet and embraced him. He squeezed me tight to him. ¡°I missed you so much, dad!¡± I squealed. ¡°I missed you to Coco.¡± He let me go and took a seat on my bed, gesturing for me to join him. I slipped off my indoor shoes and sat down next to him cross-legged. He looked me up and down. He pointed to the scar across my face. ¡°Nice scar. How did it happen?¡± ¡°The Tiffer invaded our camp. It was a dumb reason, really. It shouldn¡¯t have happened. I stabbed the person in the gut, but they somehow got enough strength to make one last attack. I was lucky it didn¡¯t take out my eye.¡± My dad nodded. ¡°Adrenaline is a magical thing. That soldier must have had a lot going through his system. I¡¯m glad you didn¡¯t lose an eye. You have very pretty eyes.¡± ¡°He also got my arm.¡± I pulled up my sleeve to reveal the ugly scar it was covering. He ran his finger down the scar. ¡°Don¡¯t show your mother that. She¡¯ll have a fit. The one across your face was probably enough to give her a heart attack.¡± ¡°She was pretty panicked every time she saw a scar.¡± ¡°We¡¯ve all been so worried for you. Every time we get mail, I can see a flash of fear in her eyes before she realises it¡¯s not from the army. When we got the letter telling us you had Sting, she had a panic attack. She was convinced you were going to die.¡± ¡°I was too. I was pretty bad at one point.¡± ¡°We figured as much considering you were sent to the Capital Hospital.¡± Did you know this text is from a different site? Read the official version to support the creator. ¡°Mhmm. I did meet a really nice nurse there. I wish I had got his address so I could send him a letter thanking him again. He was basically the reason I recovered.¡± Dad took my hand in his and looked kindly into my eyes. ¡°I know you probably don¡¯t want to talk about this, but I think you should pay a visit to the Qi family. They lost their only son, and you were his boyfriend. I know this is a lot to ask, but I think it would mean so much to them if you visited.¡± I looked down. I couldn¡¯t bear to meet his eyes. ¡°All right. I have his stuff with me, so I should probably get that to them. Was his funeral nice? Is there a grave to visit?¡± ¡°The funeral was beautiful. He¡¯s buried in a graveyard. But I think it¡¯s better to see him in the stars. That¡¯s where he really is. He¡¯s not on earth anymore. He¡¯s up there.¡± Dad gestured upwards as he said it. I nodded. ¡°Please hug me, Dad.¡± ¡°Always.¡± He took me into his arms. With my head buried in Dad¡¯s shirt, I cried silently. I think Dad may have been crying as well, judging by his irregular breathing. I detangled myself from Dad''s arms. ¡°Dad, how did you deal with watching so many people you knew die?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t really. I just forced myself to keep moving forward, but I never forgot. While I¡¯m awake, I can forget them, but when I close my eyes, they''re all there. My best piece of advice is that they will never leave you, so remember their life, not their death. It helped me keep their memory happy. Their death does not define them in my mind; their life does. You can¡¯t forget them, so at least make the memory happy.¡± I thought about that. Turned it over in my mind. It made sense. If you can¡¯t forget, why not make the memory a happy one? ¡°Can you play your cello again? I¡¯ve missed your music.¡± ¡°Of course, dad.¡± I needed something to escape my thoughts, so I took up the cello again and began to play. The music flowed through me once more. I allowed my emotions to flow out of me through my music. Dad just sat there and listened. He had always loved to listen to me play. It was a form of escapism for both of us. * * * When I finished playing, I excused myself. There was one more person I had to see. I walked the very familiar path to the stables at the back of the house. That¡¯s where Mim?e was. When he saw me, he scratched his hooves on the ground, nodding his head up and down impatiently. ¡°Mim?e! Come here, boy. I¡¯ve missed you so much!¡± I gently rubbed his face along the white blaze. Mim?e nickered softly at my touch. When I stopped rubbing his face, Mim?e rubbed himself up and down my front until I started again. With my free hand, I unlatched the door to the stable. I slipped in, closing the door behind me. I sat down on the hay-covered ground, leaning my back against the wooden wall of the stall. I patted the ground next to me. Mim?e lay down beside me, stretching his wings out and offering his head up for more ear scratches. This was a trick I had taught Mim?e when he was a foal. I just sat with Mim?e until Calula called me to dinner. When I entered the house, I was overwhelmed by the smell of Mums food. The food that was laid out on the table looked amazing. We were having tofu and pickled vegetables wrapped in a thin savoury pancake. I took my seat on my pillow. My sitting pillow had been my first embroidery project. The stitching on it had come undone a few times over the years, but as my sewing got better, I needed to mend it less and less. Mum took a bite of her food, signalling us to begin eating as well. The food was so amazing. It had been way too long since I had had this much good food. He took a bit of the heavenly food. ¡°Mum, you are the world¡¯s best cook.¡± She laughed as I inhaled her food. I should have savoured it, but I was just too impatient. After every bite, I just wanted more. The meal was light and fun with Dad there. He had the power to brighten a room just with his presence. It really was a superpower I wished I had inherited. I was so happy to just be sitting with my family enjoying a meal. I had missed them so much. 30. Mim?e I had the best sleep in a long time. My own bed had never felt better. I stretched before getting out of bed and choosing what to wear. To be able to choose what clothing to wear was amazing. I really wanted to ride Mim?e, so I pulled on my navy blue riding pants. They were nearly identical to my normal pants, but I had sewn patches of thick fabric to the side of the knee to expand their life just a bit longer. For my shirt, I chose to wear a light orange wraparound shirt. It had small, embroidered leaves and flowers along the collar and cuffs my mum had done for me. I tied a small blue ribbon around my neck in a bow, then slipped a sweater vest over my shirt. Before leaving my room, I put on my indoor slippers, then went downstairs to breakfast. Mum had made bread that morning, so I had fresh bread with a blueberry jam. It was amazing. All the ingredients were fresh and well prepared. So much better than even the best food at an army camp. I thanked my mum for breakfast, then headed out to the stable. Mim?e whined happily at me. I stroked his snout gently before getting his tack and grooming supplies. When I entered the stable, I put the saddle over the door and the crate of grooming supplies on the floor. Before I started to groom Mim?e, I ran my hands along his back, checking for saddle sores or tense muscles. I was glad to find that he hadn¡¯t gotten any saddle sores while I had been away, and all his muscles seemed as strong as ever. I then moved on to checking his legs and hooves. He still had all four shoes. All I needed to do was go through and remove all the dirt. I finished by gently tapping the spot just under his wing to tell him to open them. I checked the length of his wing. All the feathers were in place and were healthy. Calula had done a good job at taking care of him. Once I was done checking Mim?e. I got a soft bristle brush and carefully removed all the dirt from his back, stomach, and legs. I also got the pick and cleaned the dirt out of his hooves. I gently stroked his back before placing the saddle blanket across his back. Next, I put the saddle riser on, then finally lifted the saddle up onto his back. I checked both sides of the saddle, making sure it wasn¡¯t digging in anywhere, especially around the wings. Once I was satisfied with how the saddle looked, I went to the left side and tightened the girth. I did it hole by hole so as not to startle Mim?e. Moving round to his face, I carefully worked the bit into his mouth and slipped the top of the bridal over his ears. Mim?e moved his tongue around his mouth a few times to get used to the bit. I grabbed the reins just under his mouth, opened the stable door, and led Mim?e outside. I took him to the oped area of grass, which had been dedicated to my riding for years. There was a circle where the grass couldn¡¯t grow from the number of times I had ridden over it. This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report. Once we were in the centre of the grassy area, I looped the reins over Mim?e¡¯s head and mounted on the left side. I gave him a small squeeze on the sides, and he began to walk. I walked him around the area a few times both ways, then trotted both ways to stretch him out. Once I had finished that, I could finally start flying. I took Mim?e to the edge of the grassy area. I pushed my feet forward and squeezed gently under the wings, commanding his to open them. I then squeezed his sides again, and he began to canter and flap his wings. It took him his usual ten steps to get off the ground. The moment his feet left the ground, I lent forward. Moving with his body. It felt amazing to fly again. I had missed the feeling. I flew over the farm. Leading Mim?e up and down and round and round. He followed my commands as easily as if he were part of my own body. He would react to a slight pressure on his side or bit. We had a mutual understanding of one another. After half an hour, I lent forward and gave a slight pull on the reigns to signal Mim?e to land. He landed gracefully and perfectly, taking eleven steps to stop. Everything was just as I remembered it. I patted Mim?e gratefully, then dismounted and led him to just outside the paddock. I untacked Mim?e, then let him into the paddock. He trotted around happily before settiling under a tree to eat some grass. I watched him contently for a few minutes before putting his tack away and heading back to the house. When I entered the house, Mum looked me up and down. ¡°Go change. You can¡¯t go see the Qi¡¯s looking like that,¡± Mum said. That was new. I hadn¡¯t been told we were going to see the Qi¡¯s. ¡°When are we going to see the Qi¡¯s?¡± ¡°We aren¡¯t you are. They asked if you would be willing to see them, and I said yes. You told me that you had some of Calla¡¯s things yesterday at dinner. You said you wanted to return them.¡± I had said that, but I hadn¡¯t meant I would do it today. ¡°Can I do it tomorrow?" I really didn¡¯t want to face the Qi¡¯s. I was the last one to see their son alive. I was scared they would blame me for his death. Deep down, I knew they wouldn''t, but a part of me still blamed myself for his death. ¡°No, you will do it today.¡± Mum took me into her arms. ¡°I know it¡¯s hard, but it would mean so much to the Qi¡¯s. You were his boyfriend.¡± She released me from her grip. ¡°Now go get changed. You smell of horse.¡± I nodded. Mum¡¯s power to overrule my free will was truly amazing. Now I had to choose another outfit. Two outfits in one day was wild, and this one was going to have to be formal. I used to feel comfortable at the Qi¡¯s house, but that was before... well, anyways, now I had to find a formal outfit to wear. This was going to be hard. I climbed the stairs to my room. Opening my closet, I started the task of finding something to wear. I settled on a white long-sleeved shirt with frilly bits around the wrist and embroidery I had done on the collar. For pants, I choose a reddish orange pair. I put my riding boots back on, tucking the pants into the top of them. I pulled a baby blue vest over the shirt and put my large felt jacket. It had small wooden buttons and embroidered flowers and vines around the hems and collar. The frilly bit of my sleeves stuck out slightly, adding a nice look. Before leaving my room, I brushed my hair and pulled it back into a bun, securing it with a wooden hairpin. I had nicer hairpins, but I didn¡¯t want to overdo it. Once I finished dealing with the bird¡¯s nest on my head. I riffled through my army-issued pack to find Calla¡¯s things. When I pulled out the small bag holding his belongings, I felt a twist in my gut and an ache in my heart. I felt tears starting to form, but I pushed them away. I wasn¡¯t going to break down. Not yet anyway. I didn¡¯t think I would be able to keep it together at the Qi¡¯s house. Looking at the bag of Calla¡¯s things as little as possible, I placed it in my cross-body satchel before heading down stairs.